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Embracing Composed Submissiveness
Up until now this book has denigrated submissiveness We have discussed various ways that it
damages both composure and health But it is entirely possible to be composed and
submissive There are times when composed submissiveness is not just appropriate but also
beneficial These are the times when we let or encourage others to lead
Chapter Finding Happiness Through Playfulness Composed Kindness
It can be freeing to be mellow and passive and to support the leadership of others
Allow other people to take over and yourself to relax when they do Relish the relief from being
in charge Do so while exuding balanced nonconfrontational energy Perpetual assertion takes
its toll It involves intense face time eye contact talking decision making and an overtaxing of
existing bracing patterns It leads to social fatigue and is why highpressure executives and CEOs
can age so rapidly We should be handing over the pack leader role constantly passing it
around from person to person sharing the stage the crown and the accompanying burdens
Often in real life we are forced to play an inferior role At our workplace we must submit
to higherups to keep our jobs and advance our careers There are many reasons you should
treat your boss as the dominant individual Whats more it may be best for you your boss and
the business to allow them to act superior in some ways That said dont hurt yourself just to
let the boss be the boss Acquiesce appropriately to your employer law enforcement judges
and other authority figures without diminishing your posture shortening your breath or
surrendering your pride This will allow you to maintain a healthy serotonin level regardless of
your place on the corporate ladder
Just because you dont try to stop someone from acting dominant doesnt mean they are
dominating you They are only dominating you if you are inhibiting yourself or avoiding
confrontation with them out of fear They can never dominate you as long as you stay
composed Take sovereignty from needless oneupmanship
Keep in mind that everyone has essential observations and keen insights to impart
All humans are our fellows and our equals As Ralph Waldo Emerson said Every man meet is
in some way my superior So let every man and woman be your superior at times especially
when they have something to teach you When you see someone do better than you at
something you value dont feel envious or threatened Instead feel eager to learn This is ego
stability and emotional strength
When threatened by an intruder a dominant gorilla will let out a tremendous roar charge
and knock down the newcomer with an immense hand swipe However outside of defending
themselves and their group members dominant gorillas do not generally overtly assert their
rank Even though gorillas are immense powerhouses animal behaviorists often describe them
as shy because most of the time they dont feel like they have anything to prove It is not that
they are shy it is that we are arrogant pompous and flagrantly adversarial
The only way to transcend the dominance hierarchy is to be content when you temporarily
find yourself in a subordinate position to be comfortable when others perceive you as
subordinate without trying to change their mind You dont want to be a doormat but neither
do you want to be consumed by resisting looking like a doormat Only doormats worry about
being doormats
Our unconscious mind values prestige over happiness The two are often at odds You can
change this by intentionally pursuing happiness over prestige
Optimism Excitement and Feeling Good
It pays to be happy Optimists live longer have stronger immune systems recover from injury
more quickly and have increased mental and physical health Happiness and positive emotions
are linked to higher earnings better appraisal at work relationships of higher quality and
increased likability Happy people are perceived as more intelligent competent and physically
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body
attractive Optimists cope more effectively with stress are generally healthier and are less
likely to become depressed When optimists have coronary bypass surgery they heal more
quickly than pessimists Positive thinking results in a cardiovascular system that is less reactive
to stress But how do we become happy in the first place
Optimists attribute the cause of adverse events to external specific and transient factors
In other words they see a tragedy as a oneoff fluke Pessimists on the other hand attribute
failures to their own internal global and permanent shortcomings They see themselves as
useless and assume the world is out to get them If this is you stop it Regain your optimism by
recognizing that you have the potential to fix anything and everything that has ever been wrong
with your life Recognize that the future you will be skilled and competent enough to solve
any problems that arise
We are constantly making expressions to ourselves as we go about our days alone
Whatever these expressions are they constitute our true selves For most people its wincing
If thats you make the gestures and facial expressions of happiness when you are by yourself
The smiling and the postural alterations from previous chapters will help with this If solitary
happiness is not practiced regularly attempts at appearing happy among others will be fake
Remember how excited you could become as a child You had no reservations about expressing
exuberance and enthusiasm Nothing is stopping you from feeling zestfully happy right now
aside from the force of habit
have spent much of this book describing how we use our bodily energy to traumatize our
tissues This might make you assume that our life force is destructive It is not You must
redirect that same life force away from anxiety and tension toward happiness and joy The
more you do this the less energy there is to sustain stress Doing so actively reprograms how
your body routes energy setting you up for hardwired happiness Accordingly all the exercises
in this book should be done with joy and optimistic expectations This will make them much
more powerful
Be a lifeless corpse when it comes to tension ego and pessimism When it comes to
playfulness however thats when you want to be alive and spend your chilike energy on
positive social displays Lets start with laughter
Laughter in Other Animals
Many mammals laugh For example most rodents emit long ultrasonic vocalizations during
rough and tumble play The sounds rats and mice make have been described as chirping and
occur in the kHz range inaudible to humans When chirping they actively seek being
tickled and played with They chirp when wrestling chasing or searching for one another
They chirp during courting and before copulation Researchers have interpreted rat chirping as
an expectation of something rewarding and it appears to elicit friendly social approach in other
members of their species It also nullifies anxiety If you tickle a rat after a fearful situation
it will neutralize the negative emotions and vastly decrease any fearrelated learning going on
in its brain
Dogs can pant using heavy forced exhalations in a way that suggests a form of modified
laughter They use it during play Dogs exposed to a recorded doglaugh exhibit significantly
reduced stress behaviors increased tail wagging the display of the canine playface as well
as prosocial behavior such as approaching and licking another dogs lips
Chapter Finding Happiness Through Playfulness Composed Kindness
Chimps gorillas and orangutans all exhibit laughterlike vocalizations in response to
physical play including friendly contact like chasing wrestling and tickling It is a shallow pant
conveying nonaggression that is highly reminiscent of suppressed laughter in humans Their
laughter shows the same sonographic pattern as that of human babies They also use similar
facial expressions while laughing and are ticklish in the same areas that humans are Ape
laughter consists of a series of exhalations and inhalations like panting On the other hand