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this up reporting that extended eye contact between a dog and its owner increases the |
secretion of oxytocin a neuromodulator involved in social connection in both animals |
Illustration Friends talking with eye contact B Eye iris and pupil C A couple making intimate eye contact |
From kindergarten through college could not hold eye contact with my female |
classmates Unbeknown to me this was likely the main reason why had so much trouble |
talking to girls Most of the boys in my elementary classes had the same problem at least to |
some extent There was one boy though who spent every recess with the girls They all adored |
Chapter Hold a Steady Upward Gaze with Wide Eyes |
him and never understood why also never understood why he would idiosyncratically roll |
his eyes up into his head every few minutes get it now He would roll his eyes to engage the |
muscles that widen the eyes The wide eyes are part of what allowed him to keep sustained eye |
contact with the girls His eyes were as wide as or wider than theirs Because he looked neither |
offensive nor defensive the girls welcomed his gaze There are reciprocal relationships |
between having wide eyes looking up and making eye contact If you can widen your eyes and |
make looking up comfortable using the exercises above you will find that others will seek out |
eye contact from you |
Use Sensory Deprivation to Unmask Neurotic Activity |
Most of us are afraid that fixing our gaze on anything will make us look too calm We keep our |
eyes busy to make others feel comfortable Take a minute now and observe yourself looking |
around You should be able to sense pressure to keep glancing neurotically This comes froma |
form of anxiety in the eye motor centers that act below the level of conscious awareness The |
restlessness makes it difficult for you to maintain eye contact and to fixate on anything if other |
people are watching you The best way to retrain this nervous habit is to become more |
comfortable anchoring your gaze without worrying about how you may appear to others while |
doing it |
Eye Exercise Sustained Gaze |
Spend two minutes staring at a single point Notice any impulses to glance away and gently |
override them You might try to keep your eyes fixated on a single feature of the wall or |
ceiling or you might try to keep your gaze limited to a circumscribed region of space like a |
light fixture If youre having trouble cut out a picture of a face from a magazine and tape it |
to your wall or ceiling to gaze at contentedly Allow yourself to feel free to space out like a |
child absorbed in a daydream Dont be concerned about looking dazed or stupefied and |
dont worry if this level of ocular relaxation causes your eyes to cross for a few moments |
Sensory deprivation can help uncover baseline neurotic tendencies Lets start with sight |
Tracking your ocular behavior in complete darkness will make it clear how much of your eye |
movement is highstrung and unnecessary The best way to do this is to wait until nighttime |
turn off all the lights in your home and lie down on the floor of a closet or bathroom Do |
whatever you can to make this area completely dark You may need to put up curtains or drape |
some towels over the cracks Being in pitch blackness makes it easier to feel absolutely certain |
that no one can see your face expressions or eye movements Think back to the way your |
submissive signaling diminished when you took that walk around the block while pretending to |
be invisible Complete darkness allows you an even greater degree of invisibility and anonymity |
No one and nothing can be offended by how relaxed you appear because you truly are invisible |
Take the opportunity to relax fully and open your eyes very wide without compunction |
In absolute darkness feel like a slimy gelatinous sea slug that has been removed from all |
danger can feel the squinting contraction release in the same way that the sea slug we |
discussed in Chapter releases its gill The complete vacancy of visual stimulus will desensitize |
you and provide your eyes with the experience they need to grow wide This phenomenon is |
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body |
also a bit like eyestalk extension in snails When you touch a snail its eyestalks retract The eyes |
invert within the eyestalks and travel down toward the head This action blinds the snail but is |
an essential defensive reflex meant to protect the eyes After several seconds when the snail |
starts to feel safe again the eyes slowly evert the eyestalks reach full length and the eyes pop |
out at the top Use the exercises above to develop fearless wide eyes and fully extend your |
eayestalks |
In absolute darkness you will also be able to see phosphenes which are colored shapes |
that are produced by your visual system These may take the form of dots stars lines static |
circles or various other shapes This visual activity will be accentuated if you lightly rub your |
eyes The phosphenes represent a type of background noise that is usually not noticeable yet |
always ongoing When the lights are on phosphene activity is put to work helping you make |
perceptual distinctions When the lights are off that activity hits a stumbling block amounting |
to a lowlevel form of hallucination |
believe these phosphenes can play a role in driving anxious thought Notice when they |
flash abruptly and calm your reaction to this You may notice that they flare when you look |
straight keeping you from maintaining a fixed gaze You may also notice that they burst in the |
corner of your eye When they flash like this in the periphery of your vision believe they may |
be reminding you to scan for potential threats that are to the side of you or behind you When |
first started doing this the phosphene activity appeared sinister and frightening even saw |
flashes of scenes from horror movies This all contributed strongly to the feeling of being unsafe |
in the dark |
This may have also been the case for my cat Niko He cried like a kitten in the dark closet |
the first few times but now he will join me of his own volition Notice your reactions and try to |
bring peace to your conscious and unconscious responses to the phosphene activity by pairing |
the experience with diaphragmatic breathing After doing Exercise twice for five minutes |
never again saw any frightful apparitions strongly recommend that you use this technique to |
free the background activity of your visual system from unnecessary negativity |
Eye Exercise Vision in Complete Darkness |
Lie down on the floor in a pitchblack room Keep your eyes as wide as possible and observe |
your eye movements Practice looking in different directions and sustaining your gaze at |
different points with the eyes wide and eyebrows relaxed You will notice your eyes dart |
around in the dark They will display an intense agitated tendency to move quickly on their |
own without any conscious deliberation Simply observing this and practicing sustained |
gazing in utter blackness will allow you to reduce the intensity Nonjudgmentally monitor the |
visual activity colored phosphenes the eye movement activity and the feelings that come |
from being in utter darkness Use this method to dismantle your fear of the dark |
recommend buying noisereducing earmuffs to use in your dark closet With the earmuffs |
on you will be able to hear the background activity of your auditory system just as darkness |
reveals the background activity of your visual system For most of us background auditory |
function takes the form of a ringing or buzzing in the ears which is known as tinnitus When |
first heard the hissing sound amplified by the earmuffs it was very upsetting abhorred it |
Chapter Hold a Steady Upward Gaze with Wide Eyes |
Many people feel this way which is unfortunate because some degree of tinnitus is always |
there whether we are conscious of it or not found that the practice of breathing |
diaphragmatically and listening to my tinnitus gradually reduced its volume and made it far less |
emotionally disquieting Paced diaphragmatic breathing will quickly help you come to peace |
with being alone in complete darkness with nothing but the background noise of your own |
visual and auditory systems This will make it so that their default settings do not haunt you |
during everyday life |
Conclusion |
The final exercise puts several of the routines from this chapter together into a single routine |
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