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doc_100	[Up-tempo music plays.] You're alive As long as the streets are living I single you out I don't want to want to go home The sun will rise OSCAR: Jesus, Lester. What's the damn hurry, mate? TREVOR: [Laughs.] Not again, Trev. It just encourages him. want to go home He ain't saying it'll be easy You want to go there, do you, bro? Come on, boy. There. [Laughs.] Whoo! This broken bell will keep on ringing Boy, it's true Oh. Hello, Madison. Jean. Still come to see your mum, then? [Chuckles.] She expects it. MRS. MARLOWE: Oh, so many these days forgotten the moment they've gone. MADISON: Well, not Mum. She'd never stand for that sort of nonsense. - No. She wouldn't. - Mm. I think she'll be happy knowing I'm still right here where I belong. MRS. MARLOWE: Datura! Really. Hey. Hey. Come on, bro. Dig it in. - [Horn honks.] - Hey! CYCLIST: Hey! - Animal! - Let's go! Game on. Come on, lads. You're on, Lester. [Grunting.] Come on, Trevor. Not even sweating. Come on. Come on, Trevor, you loser! Whoo! [Laughs.] TREVOR: Lester! Lester! Lester! Stay back! [Cellphone rings.] - Mike. - Theoretically, do you think it's possible to train a bull to kill on command? Oh, you're still banging on about that? Well, you have to admit it's intriguing. That Collins guy was an idiot. I thought that was the official verdict. Not in those exact words. But yeah. Essentially, yes. - SIMS: So? - [Sighs.] Maybe I'm being too optimistic about the human race, but I find it hard to believe that someone can be that stupid. Yeah, well, there are some spectacularly stupid people - out there. - I know. But, in theory, do you think it's possible to train a bull to kill on command? Look, Mike, I have to go. It might be your day off, but it's not mine, and, actually, I've got a death to deal with. Should I be there? No, no. It's a middle-aged cyclist pushed it too hard. Heart attack. So why are CIB involved? SIMS: The uniform branch are stretched, so I stepped in. The good news is, Breen lost rock-paper-scissors, so I sent him to inform next of kin. Oh, so you've got time to talk about the bull thing. Uh [Imitates static hissing.] We're breaking up, Mike. I'll talk to you later. - [Cellphone rings.] - Oh, good Lord. Another one? - Yes, another one. - GREENE: Who? Lester Nyman. Heart attack yesterday. - Oh, dear. - MADISON: Will you come in, or do I send this out? Uh, no, no. I'll come in. Good. Everything will be ready this afternoon. [Police radio chatter.] In theory, you can train any animal. I mean, they trained orcas, right? And that didn't turn out so well for both man or beast. But if you can train a big fish, you can train a bull, right? Orcas are mammals, not fish. But a bull is a mammal. - SIMS: Yes. - Here we go. Thank you. Got you a trim. Look, Mike, I'd love to dwell on your bull-as-assassin theory, but I have a dead cyclist to process here. Oh, on that note, when I told Mrs. Nyman about the death of her husband, she was a little weird. [Knocking.] - Yes? - Mrs. Tammie Nyman? - Yes. - Detective Constable Breen. Um, I-I have some bad news. Can I come in? Uh Wait. Did you say "Nyman"? BREEN: Yeah. Wife of Lester Nyman, the dead guy on the bike. The bull thing happened on the Nyman farm. I thought bull guy was Collins. Yeah, but the witness was a Trevor Nyman, the farmer. Trevor Nyman, Lester Nyman's brother, was the first man at the scene when Lester dropped dead. So, what are we thinking here? - A very good question, indeed. - [Cellphone rings.] Gina, what can I do for you? Mike. It always makes me laugh when you answer your phone, "Gina, how can I do you?" That's not actually what I say, Gina. It's more "what can I do for you?" Same thing. No. What's up? Or perhaps down. This is a Mr. Lester Nyman. Ah. The cyclist. - Okay. - Yes. The face-first thing is unusual. Yes. Heart attack, wasn't it? Yes. I sourced his records, and given his medical history, a heart attack is most likely. But if he had a heart condition, what was he doing riding to the top of Whakamoho Mountain? Mm, because cycling is awesome? - It is? - Man. Machine. Fresh air. Gets the blood flowing. Feel the tingle of life in your extremities. You don't like cycling, Mike? - Never been a fan, no. - KADINSKY: Pity. I think Lycra brings out the best in men. Okay. [Clears throat.] Uh if it was a heart attack, what am I doing here? This. You see this rash? - [Remote clicks.] - This reaction, it troubles me. I hear you on that. Not what I would expect. - Chafing? - No. No signs of friction. And chafing would be lower between legs. This is a reaction to something. - Poison? - Call it instinct, but something is not right about this. I'll notify the coroner. I was hoping you would say that. BREEN: You know, instead of "poison" and "bull," you could have just written "stupid" and "death wish," right? Or just not written anything at all, - because there's no evidence - Yet. Yet to suggest that either of these are anything other than what they are. - There's a rash. - SIMS: Maybe they changed their laundry detergent, and he had a reaction to that. Meanwhile Manu Collins. Is there something to suggest there's anything out of the ordinary? Apart from everything? So, where's the bull now? TREVOR: We put it in another paddock. Thought it was probably best. Are you saying Manu Collins just ran straight at the bull? Like I said, we were out here, talking, and You've heard of the festival of San FermÃn, right? - [Bull bellows.] - The running of the bulls? The Spanish celebration of fleeing with soiled trousers? Yeah. MANU: Well, that's what I'm gonna do with my money. Yeah, see, I want to be one of those guys who gather where the bulls are released, and then, when they emerge out onto the street, - run towards the bulls. - [Sighs.] But then, at the last minute, turn around and then run with them. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. TREVOR: What are you doing? I'm so totally gonna be that guy. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! [Laughs.] They stress the bull out, running at it like that. The bull just did what bulls do when they get stressed. [Manu laughing, bull bellows.] Maybe he would have made it. But - Ooh! Ooh! sh1t! - [Bull snorts.] But by the time I distracted it Oi! Phft! Phft! it was way too late. [Thud, Manu coughs.] Was Mr. Collins prone to doing things like that? You mean being an idiot? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I only knew him a couple of days. [Gunshot.] That'll be Mrs. McTavish. She works here. She reckons once they've done something like this, you [Sighs.] you don't want 'em 'round. I see a candidate for a Darwin Award maybe, but not for murder. [Sighs.] Trevor Nyman has been a witness to or first on the scene of two deaths over, what, the last two months? Bad run of luck for Trev. BREEN: Yeah, and then some. It's not been a good year for the Nyman clan. Six months ago, Trevor's father, Karl Nyman, killed himself. Put a shotgun in his mouth out at the farm. Guess who found the body. And then, two weeks ago, a Jethro Nyman drowned while Jet-Skiing off the coast of Riverstone. Way off. Any mention of Trevor in relation to that? Nope. Missing for a week before the body washed up. SIMS: Anything to suggest foul play? Not as yet. You know, it could just be a run of really lousy luck for the Nymans. No one has that much bad luck. Come on. Oh. [Sighs.] SHEPHERD: This really is a great spot, isn't it? TREVOR: Yeah, it is. Look, is there some kind of problem here? SHEPHERD: Not at all. It's just a routine follow-up about your brother Lester's death. Oh, there was nothing I could do. He was dead by the time I got there. SHEPHERD: I'm sorry for your loss. - Thank you. - Or losses, actually. There's been a bit of a bad run for your family lately. Yeah, I suppose. Your father died a while back? He committed suicide, yeah. Bit of a shock, I imagine. No, not really. He was dying anyway. He just chose where and when. So it wasn't a surprise? Well, it wasn't pleasant walking into that barn, but no, it wasn't a surprise. And, um, now your brother. TREVOR: Lester knew he had a dodgy ticker. He took it as a challenge. In what way? He thought he could laugh in the face of death. Death won. Jethro Nyman Is he a relation? TREVOR: He was. A cousin. And Manu Collins also a cousin, you said. TREVOR: Sort of. Sort of? At my father's will reading, we learned that he had a whole other family. - Over in Riverstone. - Oh. So less of a cousin and more of a half brother? - Yeah. - SHEPHERD: You learned this - upon reading of the will? - TREVOR: Yep. Look, what the hell has this got to do with my brother Lester - having a heart attack? - Oh! Just tell him. - He'll find out anyway. - TREVOR: [Sighs.] This is Mrs. McTavish. She kind of runs the house. No "kind of" about it. It's a will. It's a public document. Police want to find out, all they have to do is look. My father's will and the reading was somewhat of a revelation. Why all the chairs? MADISON: For all the people asked to attend the will reading. What, as witnesses? - No. - MRS. McTAVISH: Oh. Bloody typical. I have to bring in me own bloody chair. Take a seat, Trevor. [Mid-tempo music plays.] Madison. Been so long since we've spoken Don't even know what you would say Still I made some promises, and I keep 'em anyway 'Cause somewhere there's a place Where the light keeps shining through MADISON: Come in. I'll be talking with myself tonight Still no word from you There should be one more person. Magnus Nyman. Spoken to Dad lately? Haven't spoken to the old bstrd in I don't know two years. He didn't come to Dad's funeral either. His own brother, and he didn't show. Okay, well, let's proceed without him. For those who don't know me, I'm Madison Mathers, a lawyer with the firm of Emerson, Bogart & Nash. Karl Nyman has appointed me to be the executor of his last will and testament. As part of this will, he stipulated that I assemble you all here for the reading of said will. Thank you all for coming. "I, Karl Harald Nyman, being of sound mind and body, do hereby declare" You don't need to bore them with the details, boy. Just get to the bit about Tonto. [Chuckles.] The tontine. MRS. McTAVISH: Yeah, that thing. My father, in his will, left this farm, the bank accounts, everything, to 10 people in the form of what is called a tontine. Uh, sorry. A what? I think we all better have a nice cup of tea. - Hmm? - TREVOR: [Sighs.] So, a tontine is named after a bloke by the name of Lorenzo de Tonti in the 1600s as a kind of insurance/investment thingy. But the guts of it A group of people share something of value. When one of them dies The surviving members divvy up the share between them. Something like that, yeah. So, where, once, 10 people owned the Nyman farm, now there are - Seven. - SHEPHERD: Mm. Or six, depending on the whereabouts of Magnus Nyman. Okay, so, let's say there are seven. What was once a 10% share is now a BREEN: 14. [SCENE_BREAK] I'm quite good at doing maths in my head. Okay, Mr. Maths Genius, what does the remaining person get? [SCENE_BREAK] - SHEPHERD: You are good. But does that include spouses? BREEN: No. A share in a tontine is a right of survivorship to only those within the original group. How apt. BREEN: But who are all these people? So Okay, so, we've got the sons, Lester and Trevor. Okay. And then there's the brother, Magnus, and the nephews, Jethro and Oscar. Got that. Uh, but then there's this other family? We learned he had kids to this other woman over in Riverstone when he was dying. Wasted on pills, he decided to tell us. First time I ever laid eyes on them was at the funeral. That added to the fun. The mother of this second family Is she still around? Dead. Years ago. Like most of the women in Dad's life. Okay, other family. I got that. But then, there's this half brother? SIMS: From yet another mother. Up north. Did you meet Dion Waters at your father's funeral, too? Nah. He didn't crawl out of the woodwork until the will reading. SHEPHERD: And he's definitely your father's son? Yeah. Got the DNA tests and everything to prove it. And Dion's mother? Going back to that thing about my dad and the women he shacked up with She has passed away? BREEN: And then? SHEPHERD: Trusted family retainer. And one gets the sense that she wears the pants around the farm. Not unusual to reward someone like that in a will, I'd say. But then, what the hell did Reverend Greene do to earn it? That is a good question. Okay. [Clears throat.] I get that there's motive. Millions of dollars' worth of motive, if you wind up owning the farm. And, yes, there are some dead bodies and some missing people. But we still don't have any actual murders, - do we? - [Cellphone rings.] Or maybe we do. Gina? So, with Lester Nyman, it wasn't a heart attack? Yes, it was a heart attack. A big one. It basically exploded. But why his heart exploded It's interesting. - Which is? - Caffeine. Lester Nyman had extreme levels of caffeine in his blood. So the guy drank too much coffee? KADINSKY: No. We are talking off the scale. Also elevated levels of salbutamol. Asthma medication. - Lester was also asthmatic? - Yes. And he had no sense of taste. Is that a medical thing? Taste, as in taste, smell. No bad fashion sense. Well, you could argue that with the Lycra. There's nothing wrong with Lycra on men. He gets hit on the head as a boy. Loses the sense of smell and taste. It happens. How is this important? He drank some kind of energy drink from this bottle. So much caffeine. Anyone with the sense of taste, it would be way too bitter. Because Lester couldn't taste anything He drinks, and the asthma medicine, salbutamol, opens up the blood vessels, which allow the caffeine an easy run straight to his heart. So he did drink too much caffeine. KADINSKY: Way too much caffeine. Well above anything you would expect. Second point He not only drank it. Remember the rash on his bottom? - Well, hard not to. - KADINSKY: An allergic reaction, most likely to caffeine in his shorts. - Sorry? - His padding in his shorts was soaked in a caffeine solution. So he's also absorbing through the skin and up through his bottom. So much caffeine invading system. Tick, tick, tick. Boom! Heart explodes. So this wasn't an accident? A caffeine solution must be made and then put in the shorts. How can that be accident? I think now we have a homicide. [Mid-tempo music plays.] Yeah, but how can we prove number one? Especially since the murder weapon has been roasted and eaten with Yorkshire pudding. Good point. Sorry. That was a bad joke. No, I know. But it may not be number one. We need to look into that. - Another possibility. - Yes? Tammie Nyman, wife of Lester. As I mentioned, she was odd when I told her of Lester's death. Are you sure you don't want me to come in? I'm happy to stay. No. Um No, I-I need to call people. - Thank you. - Right. Again, our condolences. Thanks. [Door closes.] Talk to her again, and we will start talking to the rest. Along what lines, exactly? Oh, let's just call it loose ends for now. What loose ends? Just routine. That's all. In the case of any unexpected death, there are always questions, I'm afraid. - Lester's death was unexpected? - Wasn't it? I'd been telling him for bloody years to ease up, but no. Always had to keep on pushing it. You mean with his medical history? Yes, with his medical history. Well, some people deal with mortality by pretending it doesn't exist. No, it was more than that with him. He always had to meet it head on, challenge it. Survival of the fittest. It's what his ruthless father drilled into him. His father, who committed suicide? Yeah. Is that irony? Yeah, I guess it is. TAMMIE: So, what are your routine questions? Or are you already asking them? The gear Lester was wearing - His MAMIL outfit? - Sorry? Middle-Aged Man in Lycra. [Chuckles.] Right. Well, there was a rash. It might have been a reaction to something in his shorts. A loose end, as I say, in determining the cause of death. And nothing to do with me. - I wasn't saying that it was. - No, I mean, it was literally nothing to do with me. All of his cycling gear, from his stinky clothes to his bloody bike I never touched any of it. It was his department. Right. Okay. Is that all your loose ends? Not quite. There were quite high levels of caffeine in Lester's bloodstream. TAMMIE: That'll be his foul-tasting drink. You'll need to talk to his cousin about that. - Which cousin? - Oscar. Owns High Health in town. That's where he bought it from. It's horrendous stuff. But, of course, Lester had no sense of taste. [Sighs.] I hope that's the last of your loose ends, Detective, 'cause I've got other things I need to do. [Door closes.] Yeah, it hasn't been a stellar few months for our family. Starting with your uncle's suicide. Oh, I guess. But Karl always preached controlling your own destiny. And then Manu Collins. I only met him a couple of times. Bit of an idiot was my take. And then your brother. Yeah. Well, that was his own bloody fault. Jethro liked two things in life getting pissed and hooning 'round on his Jet Ski. Not two things that should go together, in my book. And now your cousin Lester. Yeah, Lester knew the risks. Every time he came in here, I'd lecture him, and he'd just laugh it off. Not one to listen. So when he and Trev took off that day, it was typical. He never could back down from a challenge. You were on the ride that day? Oh, yeah. Like every other Sunday. You were not one of the riders spoken to at the top of the hill. Oh, I don't normally do that climb. Yeah, too much like hard work. No, I rode back to my car, packed up, and headed home like usual. Am I one of these loose ends you're asking about? No. So, was there anything unusual about the ride that day? You mean apart from Lester dying? Yeah, apart from that. Actually, there was. Yeah, before we left. Lester and that meathead Dion, they were going at it big-time, and eventually that lawyer woman, she must have told them to pull their heads in. And what? What are you gonna do? - Sort him out. - Piss off, mate. That bloody clown is gonna ruin everything if we don't get together and stop him. What exactly was it that was gonna be ruined? Lester's plans for the family farm. Which were? Parcel it up, sell it off. And what did this Dion guy want? No idea. He shot past us on the road that day. [Horn honks.] - Animal! - OSCAR: Jesus! But I haven't seen him 'round since. No great loss. Is he one of these, uh, loose ends? [Breathes deeply.] Maybe he is. Thanks very much. [Suspenseful music plays.] [Snoring.] - Reverend? - Hmm? Yes? What? - Detective. - Morning. Communing with a higher power, were we? In a manner of speaking, I suppose. [Sighs.] I had a terrible night's sleep last night. SHEPHERD: Well, it's good to see you back. I never really left. But I thought, with our dealings last time GREENE: No, no. The church is very accepting these days. One might go so far as to say progressive. And also short-staffed. How can I help? SHEPHERD: Lester Nyman. He died over the weekend. Yes, I'm aware of that. Madison Mathers, the lawyer acting for the estate, contacted me yesterday. About the tontine? It's, um It's happening, isn't it? SHEPHERD: What is? Someone's killing off the other members. What makes you think that? GREENE: Now every time Ms. Mathers calls me to sign the new distribution document Three times now. I can't help but wonder if I'll be next. - Hence the sleepless night? - Nights. To die for something you didn't want in the first place It plays on the mind. How did you become a part of the tontine? In the last few months of his life, Karl Nyman started attending services. He would sit at the back, making notes. Then, afterwards, he would I don't think "interrogate me" is too strong a term about my sermon. Everything you say is propaganda for a God that doesn't exist. I'd like to think I gave people some semblance of hope. And when they die, they'll go to some magical kingdom in the sky? Hogwash! The life you make for yourself here on Earth is the only one you'll ever have! I must say, there were some days when he almost convinced me. So, why did he then leave you 10% of everything he owned? I wondered that myself until I read his letter. What letter is this? GREENE: At the will reading, everyone received a letter from Karl Nyman. SHEPHERD: And what did this letter say? It repeated things Karl had said to my face that I was a snake-oil salesman for a false god and he hoped that, through the inheritance, I would come to understand the error of my ways. How exactly would it do that? At first, I thought it meant that I would be tormented by guilt at receiving such an undeserved bequest. Then people started dying and I realized it was a death threat. It was Karl Nyman saying I would, one day, learn there is no heaven, there is no God. Oh. Not that Karl Nyman was ever going to get to meet him. There's another place for people like that. Not a big fan, Mrs. Marlowe? Oh, the whole lot of them. They were never any good. And the things that went on on that farm Such as? Oh, I couldn't possibly say. These four walls? No, I'd rather not say. But what I will say is that they both have a very dark streak. Karl and Magnus? Two peas in a rotten pod in my book. I'd keep as far away from that mob as possible, if I were you. Thank you for the moral support, Jean. According to Reverend Greene, Karl Nyman didn't believe in God. I'm not sure that helps anything. Any luck with Jethro Nyman's wife? SIMS: Um, in a manner of speaking. What? Kristin? What is Jools Fahey doing in there? Well, you may ask. - Oh. Detective Sims. - Jools. [Crying.] She's not? She is. Or was briefly. - Here you go. - Thank you. Sorry about that. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by it all. It's been a difficult time. So, what are these loose ends? Just a few questions about Jethro. Seems a bit late. We buried what was left of him weeks ago. Your marrying Jethro is obviously a recent thing. Three months. After Mitch died, I swore I wouldn't get involved with anyone. I thought, "That's it. I mean, that is it. " No more sadness. No more heartbreak. But there he was in this bar young, handsome, passionate. Or so I thought. In terms of that day, do you remember anything out of the ordinary? I wasn't here for most of it. I was out of town. - Most of it? - I left that morning. For some time out. - Uh, time out from? - Him. And where did you go? I was in Hamilton. Visiting my mother. When her last husband died She was in Hamilton, visiting her mother. Time for a chat, indeed. I didn't kill him, if that's what you're thinking. SHEPHERD: Not at all. I didn't need to. He was doing a good job of that himself. With the drinking. God, worst mistake of my life. I admit Jethro was something of a rebound from Mitch. Bit of a whirlwind romance. But it turned out he only had two passions in his life, not three. - They being? - JOOLS: [Scoffs.] His wretched Jet Ski, surpassed only by booze. Oh, the endless drinking. And the third should have been you? Yes. But two's company. Three's a crowd. SHEPHERD: When was the last time you saw Jethro? Breakfast that day. He was drinking in anticipation of his lunch meeting in Riverstone. SHEPHERD: Meeting about what? Some hush-hush thing about the farm he inherited. Not that it was hush-hush when he had a few in him. And this thing was? They were planning on turning the farm into this lodge and golf course. SIMS: And when you say "they" JOOLS: Jethro and his cousin Lester the one who died this weekend. But Jethro only inherited 1/10 of the farm. - Not the whole thing. - He and Lester were working on the others to bring them 'round and to stick it to Karl Nyman. That's what the meeting was about. So this lunch in Riverstone was with Lester? JOOLS: No idea. He didn't say. Any idea how the meeting went? We spoke on the phone in the afternoon, but he didn't mention it. He was moaning about feeling ill. I told him to go to the doctor. But the fool took his stupid Jet Ski out instead. The police said he must have run out of petrol when he was way out at sea, that he had the choice of waiting there and probably dying of hypothermia or trying to swim back and probably drowning. When you say Jethro and Lester wanted to "stick it to Karl Nyman" Because of the letters telling them how pathetic they were. Sadly, as you know, I've been here before. I thought you'd probably want to see it. You are very thorough, Detective. Did Jethro explain how his inheritance involving the farm worked? JOOLS: The tontine? Oh, yes. I knew I wasn't part of it. I didn't want his money. As I said, I wanted a fresh start, but c'est la vie. You don't want to buy a Jet Ski, do you? The Coastguard brought it back, and I don't want it. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Well, the rest home in Hamilton confirms that Jools Fahey was where she said she was. She really needs to stop visiting her mother. [Sighs.] Yes. Uh, the coroner's report for Jethro Nyman. Cause of death drowning, although hypothermia may have been a close second. Um, much of this is pretty inconclusive. Which is what you get when you've been in the ocean - for the best part of a week. - But he was not a well man at the time of his death, if that makes sense. Uh, he had bleeding in the stomach, and his liver was completely shot. Consistent with his reputation for being an alcoholic stress merchant. SHEPHERD: Karl Nyman. Definitely suicide? Ah, confirmed. He had advanced melanoma. Several operations later, and it was a losing battle. He called his doctor on the morning and told him he was going to "do what the bloody quacks couldn't manage and fix this bstrd thing once and for all. " He wrote a note cursing everything and everyone on this wretched earth and went out to the barn and SIMS: And he did love a good note. This was given to Jethro Nyman at the will reading. According to Reverend Greene, everyone got one. Well, this one says that Jethro lived a valueless life as a vain, arrogant wastrel. Uncle Karl hoped that this inheritance would teach Jethro once and for all the value of hard work and discipline. BREEN: Does this mean I have to go back and see Tammie Nyman? She really doesn't like me. Afraid so. Any more sightings of the missing Dion Waters and his missing Bimmer? So, I called his mobile number. No reply. Left a message. I called his home number in the city. No reply. Left a message. Half an hour later, I get a call from the drug squad, asking why I'm interested in one Dion Waters. Turns out he's been on their radar for a while, and they're very interested in where he's been disappearing - for the last few weeks. - Because? BREEN: He has a degree in chemistry, but he's chosen to use his education to manufacture and distribute meth. Ah. Current score three dead. But one definite homicide. SHEPHERD: Hmm. And two missing in action. What about Awhina Collins? SIMS: Yeah, I'm heading over to Riverstone tomorrow - to talk to her. - SHEPHERD: Good. And I want to read as many of those letters that we can get our hands on. Do you think Karl Nyman is doing this from beyond the grave? There's a thought. Maybe his vengeful spirit inhabited the bull. I heard that. For God's sakes, what is it now?! Just one thing, and then I'll be out of your hair. - For now. - What? BREEN: Karl Nyman's will reading. Was Lester, by any chance, given a letter from his uncle? Yes. Why? Would you happen to have this letter? Yes. Going back to the "why" OSCAR: I've left the rescue remedy on the table. Oh. Detective. Oscar. Glad to see you're doing so well, considering. Thank you. You're very kind. As I was saying, the letter would be helpful to our investigation. Investigation into what precisely? All we get when we ask your senior is that there are suspicious circumstances. I can't go into details as yet. Will this bloody letter help get my husband's body released so we can have a funeral? - Hopefully, yes. - TAMMIE: Fine. Did you also receive a letter at the will reading? Everyone did. Read mine and chucked it away. Because? He was a sad old man spewing his vitriol about what a disappointing waste of space I am and hoping the inheritance would finally make a man out of me. And has it? Are you seriously asking me that question? Well, I mean, the farm is quite a valuable asset to inherit. It must have changed your life in some respects. I don't want anything to do with that cursed place. - You think it's cursed? - My mother died there, and then my father was cheated out of his share by Karl. That place has done nothing good for me. Here. Happy? OSCAR: [Sighs.] It's the only one I have of my father. And it was the last time I saw him alive. A necessary technique in keeping us a secret, I guess. - Here. - Thanks. I see you have a science degree. Yeah. So? Well, you said you worked in change management. The degree was all about getting the old man off my back. Science was very much his thing. SIMS: I thought that farming was his thing. Who says the two can't be one and the same? That's how he met my mother at a symposium on organic pesticides. - She's a scientist, too? - She was. Now she's dead. Now it's just me. Now, if you have a point, please get to it. I have a flight to catch. I won't hold you up for much longer. No, you won't, because there's nothing more I can tell you about some people I met, for the most part, only once. For the most part? Yeah, the Jet Ski one. Jethro Nyman. Yeah. He called me. Told me he had a scheme about the farm. Something I'd be a fool to miss out on. He hasn't gotten back to me. Because he's dead. Along with Lester and Manu and Dad. Now, if you don't mind, I really have to go. Thanks. [Tami Neilson's "Smoking Gun" plays.] Skeletons rattle inside Dark and dirty closets 'neath the Hollywood sign Paid up their ransom in flesh To the piper with the power to destroy or bless Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Can I help you, Detective? There was no one at the house. Oh, that's the thing about farming There's always things to do. Any chance of a cup of tea? I'm sure I can manage that. It really is a beautiful piece of land, isn't it? TREVOR: Who says prisons have to be ugly? Is that what it is to you? On a bad day. SHEPHERD: And today's a bad day? Been better. Look, mostly what I mean is, this place has been my whole life. Apart from going to uni. What did you study? BSc in bio science. I loved it. But then it was straight back here to help out the old man. So much for education, eh? Why didn't you contest the will? Surely you and your brother had rights to this place - that the others didn't. - For starters [Sighs.] Lester walked away from this farm years ago. Broke Dad's so-called heart, the golden boy turning his back on destiny. I think that's what started this whole tontine nonsense in the first place. Lester didn't want to contest it? He did. But I said no. - Why? - I was advised not to. By who? Someone who knows about that stuff. Here's some food for you while you're having your chat. Thank you. While I have you both, the letters that were distributed at the reading of the will Any chance I could have a read of them? What Karl wrote to me as he was dying is both private and personal. You will need a court order and the Armed Offenders Squad before I let anyone else read it. - Right? - Right. I didn't think it was quite that important. Trevor? I didn't get a letter. I thought everyone did. Yeah, everyone but me. Does that seem odd to you? No. It speaks volumes about what my father thought of me. SHEPHERD: How so? After all these years of working the farm every day running the place single-bloody-handedly, do you know what he put down as my occupation in his will? Unemployed. That is precisely how much my father rated me. So, no, I didn't get a letter. Thank you for seeing me. That's quite all right, Detective. SHEPHERD: Karl Nyman's will. Yes. How can I help? Why didn't the Nyman brothers contest it? It seems to me they would have had a good case. You should ask them that. One of them's dead. Forgive me. You should ask Trevor that. I'm asking you, as the executor. And as executor, I worked on behalf of Karl Nyman. It would be improper for me to give any legal advice to any of the beneficiaries. Well, actually, Trevor said he took advice. MADISON: Interesting. Did he say who from? - No. - Well, then I guess the idea was rejected. On what grounds, do you think? MADISON: Like I said, I wouldn't know. SHEPHERD: I see. Hypothetically, if he had asked you, would you have thought there were grounds to challenge? Off the record? From what I know, I would say yes, but he didn't approach me. - I see. - I'm sorry. But it seems I can't help you after all. No, it all helps. When Karl Nyman asked you to be executor, was the tontine his idea? MADISON: Oh, more or less. I mean, he came to me with a concept of how he wanted to share his estate. And I recognized it in legal terms as something resembling the notion of a tontine. I helped him structure it that way. He seemed satisfied. Something a bit different from a usual will. MADISON: Let's just say it was more interesting than your typical sale and purchase agreement on a three-bedroom brick-and-tile. Mm. I bet. When he set up the tontine, it's like he knew that the inevitable outcome was that they would start knocking each other off to get to the prize. That is so dark. These letters, each one of them, is a challenge. "If you want the farm, earn it. Do whatever it takes. " Well, that means, logically, there could be more than one killer. It could. Okay, potential poisoners. Oscar Nyman, again. We know that he was on the bike ride, and he's the one that sold Lester the energy-drink stuff. He could have switched the drink bottles. Oscar Nyman, who I'm pretty sure is getting it on with Lester's wife. Which is why he left the bike ride. Yeah, for a little afternoon delight. Double motive. Also, Awhina Collins has a BSc. As does Trevor Nyman. As does the missing Dion Waters. And where the hell is Magnus? Indeed. We could just let it all play out, arrest the last one standing. Okay, I meant That's one of those things I meant to say in my head and didn't mean to say out loud. SHEPHERD: Keep up the good work, Breen. Ah. Here for a sing-along, Detective? Uh, perhaps later. I need you to tell me about the Nyman brothers. What makes you think I know anything about those two reprobates? Well, you know that much about them, for starters. And I suspect, as always, you know a good deal more. Well, in the day, there was talk about all manner of parties at the farm. Oh, not that Rufus and I ever went, you understand. Of course. The men would drink and play cards, and the women would dance and drink. And then, later, they would pair up. - Pair up? - Well, it was the '70s. Car keys in the fruit bowl. That sort of carry-on. And then there was the drugs. Really? Karl would grow all sorts of things around the house and then experiment with them. - Marijuana? - [Laughing.] Oh! Child's play. He gave my friend Tilly Mathers datura cigarettes to cure her asthma. Which it did. But she went blind for three days. Tilly Mathers? Related to Madison Mathers? Mother. Oh, she was never the same after that. Lost her sense of humor. Sounds like Karl was a bit of a hippie in his day. MRS. MARLOWE: Oh, Karl changed when Mary died. - And Mary was his wife? - Yeah. She died in childbirth. Complications with young Trevor. What happened between him and his brother Magnus? They used to run the farm together, right? Oh, that all fell apart with Anna. - Anna? - Magnus' wife. She was drowned in a pond on the farm during one of the parties, leaving behind two little ones, Oscar and Jethro. And Karl took over the farm. Which was odd, because Magnus was the actual farmer. [Door opens.] Any idea where Magnus is now? I heard he was killing for a living. - Reverend Greene. - I should specify. - Killing, as in hunting. - I see. GREENE: The brothers, knowing they couldn't bear to be in each other's presence, settled the matter of the farm over a game of cards. And, presumably, Karl won. By cheating, so I've heard. And Magnus vowed that, one day, the farm would be his again. Wherever he is. GREENE: Well, he won't have to go through me to claim it. I've just signed the paperwork relinquishing my share of the property. That's quite a fortune you're bravely running away from. I'm relatively happy with my lot as it is, thank you. A bunch of reprobates, as I said. [Organ plays.] [Clears throat.] I'll take my leave. SIMS: Well, I hope for Reverend Greene's sake that the offender is checking his messages. Or, sensing the noose closing, the reverend's trying to throw us off the scent. The noose is closing, is it? Slowly. Maybe. Lester's funeral is set for tomorrow. With Reverend Greene presiding, by the way. That could be interesting. Everyone in the same room again. Some idiot has just taken out the town sign. - [Chuckles.] - OFFICER: Any units available? Repeating black BMW versus road sign - on Riverstone Road. - Black BMW? CIB to comms. Do you have a rego on the Bimmer? OFFICER: Affirmative. Hotel, Echo, Yankee 498. Copy that. I've got this. - Detective. - Hey, Chris. MAN: Lights out, I'm afraid. Oh, thanks. Boss. Yeah, it was Dion Waters. Another one down, I'm afraid. DIANE: I did what I do with anyone renting the place. I met Mr. Waters, gave him the usual spiel about what to do and what not to do, gave him the key, and let them to it. - Them? - Him and the lawyer from town who arranged everything. Madison Mathers? DIANE: Yes, that's it. - And when was this? - Middle of last week. Wednesday, I think. How long did Mr. Waters pay for? He prepaid for a month. That's a bit unusual, isn't it? - For a place like this. - He said he had work here and didn't know how long it would take. It's the off-season, so any booking's a good one. - Sure, it is. - It's a home-and-income setup. - All aboveboard. - Of course. I pay tax. We're not interested in your tax status, Diane. - Not that I want to - Thanks for your help. Well. It's not your usual holiday getaway, is it? Look, I greet the guests. I tidy up after them. What they do while they're here is nothing to do with me. - Mm. - I want that on the record. - Of course. - Is it on the record? Very much. Thanks, Diane. You've been a big help. It really needs to be on the record. We'll be in touch if we need anything else. BREEN: That's enough meth in there to speed up time. KADINSKY: He's so full of toxins. He has to be decontaminated before I can get stuck in. Right. That explains this. KADINSKY: A little trick I learned working as an intern on the outskirts of Chernobyl. - The toxins being meth? - KADINSKY: And much more. Exactly what, toxicology will confirm. And this was strapped to his abdomen. I'm thinking taking it out of the bag is a bad idea. Mm. There are so many things in there that could kill you. So many. I'll take that as a yes. Can you read this? Something about "wasting your talent," uh, "living in a void of your own making" and "getting out of the void or live there forever. " Same theme as the others. Take what you want, earn it before someone else does. Kill or be killed. Or kill yourself in the process. [Mid-tempo music plays.] MADISON: How can I help you, Detective? SHEPHERD: The bach that you rented for Dion Waters. The one he turned into some kind of drug lab. You know about this already? I've had the owner on the phone. - She wasn't happy. - I bet. But you arranged it, according to their records. Well, I didn't know he was gonna start cooking meth there, did I? I'll take your word for it. I was doing Trevor Nyman a favor. I felt sorry for him. That's very nice of you. After the will reading, Manu Collins and Dion Waters decided that, seeing they were equal owners of the farm, that gave them the right to stay. Manu, as we know, didn't stay long, but Dion was showing no signs of leaving. He was also showing the signs you'd expect from someone with a serious drug problem. So you stepped in. Trevor was grateful, and Dion was happy enough, for obvious reasons. It gave him a place to set up his operation. - Clearly. - Which you paid for. [Sighs.] Don't mistake me for a saint, Detective. As executor of the estate, I'm entitled to draw reasonable expenses. I solved a problem. I will be reimbursed. Of course. So, middle of last week, you solved the Dion problem, but he doesn't go quietly into the night, does he? Dion had some interesting ideas about what to do with the Nyman farm. So Lester Nyman asked for a meeting - before his bike ride. - DION: Come on! There's no way that you or your P-junkie buddies are gonna sort out rave up here! And what? What are you gonna do? - Sort him out. - Piss off, mate. MADISON: It was not received well by Mr. Waters. Then everyone went their own way. End of story. Well, for Lester and Dion, it was. Sorry. Are we about done here? I do have other things to attend to. Of course. Witnesses say Dion Waters hit the Brokenwood sign at an estimated 20 kilometers an hour. SIMS: Swerved off the road. Died at the wheel. BREEN: Initial autopsy reports suggest he suffered multiple organ failure, including liver, kidney, spleen. Consistent with a number of poisons. Including ricin, which was found in both its natural form SIMS: The humble castor bean. BREEN: and in a more processed form SIMS: Basically by grinding it up. amongst the many other poisonous items - in Dion Waters' lab. - Death cap mushrooms, datura, - deadly nightshade, hemlock. - Basically if it's poisonous and it grows in New Zealand, it was in that room. As well as a container of caffeine powder. Don't you two have a funeral to attend? Aren't you coming, too? You take this one. Sure. Yeah. We'll [Organ plays.] [Music continues.] [Tami Neilson's "Devil in a Dress" plays.] White smoke curling from her lips Ruby red cherry on her fingertips Tight-skirt wiggle when she walks Curses like a sailor every time she talks She's a devil or an angel sweet Heart of innocence or villainy One-dimensional fantasy Here to curse or bless A damsel in distress Or just a devil in a dress MRS. McTAVISH: Are you lost, Detective? I was hoping to have a word with Trevor. He's at his brother's funeral, as I'm sure you know. Right. Is that today? You're not there yourself. MRS. McTAVISH: The next funeral I attend will be my own, and I'm not planning on that happening for some time to come. SHEPHERD: I bet. So, what happened here? MRS. McTAVISH: There was a building, and it burned down. - When was this? - The other night. Do you have any papers that says you're allowed to be standing on my land? You think of it as your land? I've lived here most of my life. Yeah, my land. And you're a member of the tontine. 20%, I believe - as of now. - You know someone is killing off the beneficiaries of the will, right? Let them try. - Fair enough. - Can I escort you back to your vehicle, Detective? Ah. I was just checking to see there wasn't a round up the spout. I'd hate to accidentally shoot you in the back, Detective. Not as much as I would hate to be shot. What was that building that burned down? Oh, been there for years and years. A sort of workroom. What sort of work? It's a farm! Farm work. Look. I've never been what you'd might call a big fan of the police, so I am not doing your work for you. What if it stops more people dying? Given the quality of the deceased, are you sure whoever it is isn't doing the planet a favor? I just don't want you to be next, Mrs. McTavish. I take it from that you don't think I'm the killer. [Chuckles.] Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand Till we have built Jerusalem In England's green and pleasant land [Music ends.] I would like to invite Lester's brother, Trevor, to say a few words. [Sighs.] Sorry, brother. You were wrong. [Sniffles.] When we were kids, Lester said to me that he was gonna live forever. But he thought if he believed it enough, he could make it true. And that was kind of how he lived Good of you to turn up, Dad. [Slurred.] I've been busy. Jethro He died, too. Were you too busy for his funeral? Did you miss me? Your own son. And you didn't even show. Oh, stop whining. Now you can pork Lester's wife whenever you want without having to sneak around behind his back. - Called it. - You old bstrd! - MAGNUS: [Laughs.] - GREENE: Please! This is a house of God! [Thud.] There's one thing I don't understand. Just the one? Why would Karl send letters from beyond the grave to everyone except his son Trevor? Who said he didn't get a letter? He did. Well, maybe his father didn't need to send him one. - Maybe he didn't. - Or maybe I was mistaken when I saw the lawyer hand Trevor a letter in the house there after the reading. Why would he tell me he didn't get one? Pity he isn't here to answer that. SHEPHERD: Good funeral? Any more bodies to add to the tally? No, but we do have Magnus Nyman in custody. For what? Yeah, piss off, you old bstrd! [Engine starts.] Oi! Prick! [Engine shuts off.] It's not gonna happen, Mr. Nyman. Is he sober enough for me to talk to him? Um you should probably take a look at his ute first. I think the Nyman family motto is "if it moves, kill it. " Magnus says the last time he saw anyone was Karl's funeral. Claims he went bush after that. He's been there ever since. Can anyone vouch for this? "Drunk bastards in the occasional pubs" were his exact words. You all right there, Mr. Nyman? [SCENE_BREAK] I'm resting my eyes. Good for you. I'm Detective Shepherd. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? I can't guarantee the answers. Fair enough. You say you went bush after your brother's funeral. I felt the need. You were out there a fair old time. If you know how, the land will provide. SHEPHERD: I'm sure. You were a bit of a hippie back in the day, I believe. You confuse me with my brother. - Do I? - Common mistake. He was the one that was into all that stuff. I just kept my head down and got on with things. Farming. MAGNUS: He was the idealist, and I was the realist. I've never heard Karl described as an idealist. The thing about ideals, Detective, is, the longer you hold them, the more they become twisted. At the will reading, there were some letters from Karl. - Did you get one? - He did like to inflict his world view on others. Apparently the lawyer's got some stuff for me to sign, so it's probably on her desk. Are you familiar with the nature of a tontine? Yes. And now you're thinking I'm the one knocking off everyone else. Is that what's happening? I am a drunk, Detective. I am not stupid. Karl killed to get the farm, so whoever wants it after him should do the same. Makes sense to me. Sorry. He killed to get the farm? He drove my wife to her death. Kept feeding her drugs to mess up her head. Pushed her over the edge. May not have been murder, but it was near it, damn it. That's why you walked off. You heard he won it in a card game? - I did. - He was a cheating bstrd. Are we done here, Detective? I've got a bender to get back to. Okay, but I think we'll keep hold of your ute for now. MAGNUS: Whatever you like. The pub's within walking distance. And once you're finished with your bender? There's a few people I want to catch up with. For old times' sake. As requested, the phone records for everyone in the tontine since the will reading. - Treat yourself. - Ta. [Guitar music plays.] Things went and got tricky then You couldn't seem - To let me in - [Knock on door.] - Just me. - Jared. Yeah, I've got this cracker little Central Otago Pinot Noir. Boutique winery. They're doing crazy things with oak barrels and kawakawa. I'd be mad to say no. Well, I'll do the honors, then, eh? SHEPHERD: You do that. JARED: You doing one of those Sudoku things? Well, in a manner of speaking, I guess I am. Part of an investigation, eh? Yes. Yeah, that makes sense. I've always thought you were a cryptic crossword kind of guy. [Both chuckle.] Oof! Mmm. Do you know the Nyman farm? Did someone off crazy Karl? No. He offed himself. But it just looked like suicide when, actually, it was the son who he fell out with. The intense one. Yeah, what's his name? Lester. I always thought Lester was on the dodgy side of Dodgeville. No, it was actual suicide, - and Lester's dead. - Oh. Okay, have you talked to his loser of a cousin, Jethro? He would definitely fit any murder profile. Jethro is also dead. Man, I can see why you're burning the midnights. You seem to know a lot about the Nymans. Me? Nah. Well, maybe there was a time when I was young, some people I knew not me just some people I knew well, they would go up there and pick magic mushrooms. Is that crazy lady with the gun still up there? Mrs. McTavish? Yes, Jared, she is. - Not that I ever met her. - Mm. Jared, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Fire away, Mike. Where the hell have you been for the last year? That's a bit of a long story, that one. [Mouse clicks.] Uh, don't bother. The bull acted alone. Death by misadventure. It's the only explanation that fits. - Mm. - Did you get that stuff I asked? Uh, yes. Hey, had you had a few last night when you called? Only a couple. Of a fine Pinot courtesy of Jared Morehu. Jared? Oh, yeah? What's he been up to? Walking. A lot. Yeah. You remember I was in the coma, right? - I do. - And then I came out and went to live with my whanau to recover? - Last time I saw you. - Yeah. Well, they were doing my head in, so I decided to walk the Te Araroa Trail. The one that runs the entire length of the country? Yeah, yeah. That one. Okay. That is a lot of walking. So, does this mean that we're investigating another homicide now? No. It means we're investigating another motive. I thought we had plenty of motive. Well, you can never have too much motive. SIMS: Okay, so it's like a Pinot, then, is it? - And? - Yes, I drove to Riverstone last night, and, yes, I found the right restaurant, and, yes, there was a staff member there who I. D. 'd both the photos. - Both photos? - Both photos. Though they primarily remember him, because he was, in their words, "a colossal ass. " Brilliant. Time for a wee drive, I think. Sorry if it was a bit late when I called last night. Were you a bit squiffy? - Squiffy? - Three sheets to the wind. You sounded very jolly. When things fall into place, it puts me in a good mood, that's all. Yeah, a few wines does that to me, too. But I have to sleep with one eye open these days. No surprise. - Make the call. - Mm-hmm. - Detective. - Good morning, Trevor. - Something happened? - Maybe. - I need your help. - How? SHEPHERD: Do you mind if we walk and talk? I always think better when I walk and talk. Yep. See, the thing is, Trevor, sometimes I'm a bit slow. I mean, the answer can be staring me in the face, and I just can't see it. That's why it took me ages to figure this one out. - Okay. - It's only when I realized that the answer was in the question that, well, things started to make sense. That's when I started doing this. The numbers 1 to 10 'round the edge That's you lot, the members of the tontine. And the numbers in the squares the who could possibly have killed who. Like a Sudoku kind of thing. Apparently, though not my thing. Anyway, I started with the first murder Manu Collins. Oh, that wasn't murder. I told you. - He ran at the bull. - Don't worry. I know that now. That's why I drew a wee bull's head in the square. See? My first emoji. I still think the bull's important. I just haven't figured out how yet. Okay, so, what's with the red line? That's those of you still left in nothing but numerical order. For instance, you could be next. Oh, I'm not saying you will be. Just for argument's sake, let's say you are, so could Lester kill you? - Well, no, he's already dead. - Ah. As is Jethro, Manu, and Dion. Whereas Oscar here could kill you. Oh, you think it might be Oscar? Well, I'm not saying he would, just that hecould, according to my graph. Okay, yeah, I get it. - This is quite clever. - Thanks. But it turns out that my little Sudoku thing here wasn't as easy as I thought, you know, because, with everyone being poisoned, the time of death and the actual murder, when the poison was administered, are two different events. - But Jethro drowned. - Well, yes, he did. Which was a stroke of luck for the offenders. His plight washed away the evidence literally. But he was most definitely poisoned. - As was Lester. - Jesus. It was Dion, then? I mean, you found his lab, right? SHEPHERD: We certainly did find his lab. We did, indeed, find everything we could possibly need to pin the murders on Dion Waters in the pop-up lab. - But you know what we didn't find? - Yeah. Fingerprints. On the equipment. They were wiped clean. Every beaker, every piece of glassware. His fingerprints were everywhere else, just not on the lab gear. Yeah, well, if he was making poisons, he would have been wearing gloves. That would be the logical explanation. Hm. Dion was staying here, right? Until I asked Ms. Mathers to find someplace else, yes. And he was here all the time up until then? - He'd come and go. - Do you know where he went, when he was gone? - No. - SHEPHERD: He was up in the city under surveillance by the drug squad. According to their records, he was there the day Jethro was poisoned. - Well, you know when that was? - Yes. I thought you said it was hard to figure that stuff out. - When someone was poisoned. - Trevor, even though it appears that all roads lead to Dion, they don't. When did this happen? TREVOR: Uh, three-or-so nights ago. And what was this place? Just a storage shed. So, what caused the fire? An electrical fault, I'd say. Did you call the Fire Service? By the time I discovered it, the time it would have taken them to get here, there was no point. Ah. A fact of farming life. Look, Detective, if all these roads and your little graph here, if they don't lead to Dion, - then who do they lead to? - [Sighs.] Well, mainly, they lead to Magnus. Yeah, yeah. I can see that. But I think if Magnus Nyman was killing people, it would be a bit more brutal. So you are next on my list. Well, I-I don't know what to say that. - How about "I didn't do it"? - Well, yeah, of course. Or "I did do it"? Either way, Trevor, I don't think, at heart, you're a murderer. I don't think you've got the strength it takes to take another human life. Well, not face-to-face. That's when I realized that this was, well not exactly a waste of time, but it was leading me up the wrong path. If you're not here to arrest me, why are you here, Detective? I want you to come down to the station, answer a couple of questions, get your story on record. You don't have to do that. You don't have to go with him. SHEPHERD: All I want is a statement on the record. You can sit in. In fact, you should, as his lawyer. I'm not his lawyer. SHEPHERD: Well, that's not entirely true, is it? Trevor doesn't have to say a word to you. But I think he wants to. Don't you, Trevor? - A statement. That's all? - Just for the record. I strongly advise against this. Just for the record. Did you see Jethro much after the will reading? Not at all. Didn't he have plans to sell the farm? Lester and him concocted that. I only ever talked to Lester about it. SIMS: So, you were against these plans? Yeah. Must have been quite a shock Get to the top of the hill and see your dead brother. Yeah, it was. But you were aware he had a heart condition? TREVOR: Of course. Everyone was. Everyone told him to take it easy, but he never did. There was a meeting before the ride in the cafÃ© car park. You were both there, right? - I was. - Yeah. And that was to sort the Dion problem? Yeah. Who called the meeting? Well, I think it was Lester. SHEPHERD: He called you? I guess. I can't remember. The night before, phone records show you called Lester, not the other way 'round. Tammie Nyman also confirmed you called to set up the meeting. Okay, it was It was me. I called Lester, and Dion came up, and I said we should have a meeting - about it A. S. A. P. - Hmm. Seems fair enough. So, who called you, Madison? Again, phone records show no communication between yourself and Trevor or Lester. But you did call Dion on his mobile phone. You accessed my phone records? Yes. You didn't need to call Trevor because you were with Trevor that night. Yes, I was. So you two are in a relationship? - Yes, we are. - SIMS: And how long - has that been going on? - Relatively recently. Since after the will reading? Yes. So? What the hell has this got to do with anything? BREEN: Well, seeing as we have witnesses identifying you as the woman Jethro Nyman was dining with the day he started feeling ill, I would say quite a lot. What the hell is wrong with my hillbilly family that they can't see a great deal when it slaps them in the face, huh? Give me another drink while you're at it. [Breathes deeply.] I need a slash. Okay, that is a completely preposterous suggestion. But you did meet with him? Yes, I did meet with Jethro Nyman, and, yes, I arranged the meeting, because there was tontine paperwork to be signed. And you were with Dion Waters the night before he died, right? You certainly called him that day. MADISON: I'm the executor of the estate. Of course I phone the people involved. We have a witness that saw you leaving the farm that evening. - TREVOR: Okay. - MADISON: Okay, don't. - Just do it! - Consider it done. Right, good. - So? - So, we have a witness who, later that night, saw Trevor load lab equipment into a ute. A witness who claims they saw him. Oh, I think you'll find our witness is very reliable. This, just to be clear, is the night the shed burned down and the night before the lab was discovered in Dion's digs. If Helen McTavish is your witness, then she is certainly not reliable. She stands to gain from the tontine. This interview is over. Come on, Trevor. SHEPHERD: No. I think Trevor's got a few things he wants to get off his chest. Get up and walk out of here. Trevor, they have nothing. No. It's over. Don't you dare. It's done, Madison. Can't you see that? For God's sake, grow a spine. They're trying to get into your head, and you're letting them? Why not? Everyone else is in there. You. Him. I just want to do the right thing by me for once. Detective Sims, please escort Ms. Mathers from the room and take her statement if she has anything further to add. Come with me, please. I thought you were stronger than this. Would you like to consult a lawyer before we start? Don't be ridiculous. BREEN: Trevor, if you wish to consult with a new lawyer, we can wait. I just want to get it over with. You do understand everything you say is admissible as evidence? I understand. What did your letter say? I know you got one. What did your father say to you, Trevor? TREVOR: [Sighs.] SHEPHERD: I need you to tell me. "There's maggots in the meat. " Where the hell did all these people come from? Your father has a very peculiar sense of humor. This is his idea of a joke? Read this. Then you'll understand. - Have you read it? - I have. I've read them all. Between you and me, you've been cheated. Read. And then we'll talk. KARL: "How angry are you, son? Deep down, where it matters, how angry are you?" Stuff about the dream being buggered. And waiting until he died, and all of this was mine. Or at least that was the plan. But now that was over, because "there's maggots in the meat. " KARL: "There's maggots in the meat and blow flies buzzing. Look at them, the fruit of the family loins stupid, vain, arrogant, unworthy. If they were wiped off the face of the planet, it'd be like skimming pond scum off the gene pool. You waited for death to do me in. Now make death your friend and work for it. Work for what's rightfully yours. " My father had a dim view on just about everything, so it wasn't exactly out of character. When did Madison get involved? A few days later. She came over. You know that the other letters were variations on a theme, right? - Sorry? - Well, not all of them, but most of them boiled down to the same thing If you want the whole shooting match, you know what you have to do. Well, should we go to the police about this? [Chuckles.] And say what? I mean, it's not like anyone's died yet. Have they? TREVOR: But it was after the kid died that the idea started to take hold. Manu Collins. She thought I'd somehow engineered it. BREEN: And had you? Kill someone with a bull? Don't be an idiot. But that didn't matter to Madison. To her, it just proved it could be done. And then there were nine. This had nothing to do with me. Does it matter? No one's exactly mourning his death. Well, his sister probably is. Not in the slightest. You know who I actually feel sorry for in this whole situation? You. This place should rightfully be yours. Your brother walked away, so screw him. You stayed true. You should be rewarded. Do you disagree with me? - [Sighs.] - Exactly. You got anything to drink? TREVOR: One thing led to another. How did you decide on Jethro as your first? He was the loudest the most annoying, the most dangerous. This is going to happen, Trev. Okay? One way or another, I will get the others on side, so get your head out of the sand and get on board! What are you waiting for?! SHEPHERD: So you decided to poison him. She made it sound so easy. MADISON: Jethro's death is waiting to happen. If he dropped dead one day, no one would suspect anything other than he drank himself into an early grave. And I know there are things in your lab that won't be traced. And I know you know what to do. And if it's actually slipping him the stuff that's the problem, you can leave that to me. BREEN: So you manufactured the poison? - Yeah. - SHEPHERD: In your lab on the property, which you later torched. And what did you concoct for Jethro? TREVOR: A powder derived from the death cap mushroom. It was meant to take longer for him to die so we could distance ourselves from the event, but the state of his liver accelerated things. And it was Madison who administered the poison? Yeah. I need a slash. TREVOR: It was like you said, when she had lunch with him. Madison Mathers doesn't stand to benefit financially from the tontine, it being a joint tenancy. So? BREEN: So, why was she doing all of this? Do you still have absolutely nothing to say? You know, in the other room, Trevor is telling my colleagues the whole story, don't you? Trevor can tell whatever story he likes. You dined with Jethro Nyman - the day he was poisoned. - Circumstantial. SIMS: Well, that's not how Trevor describes it. If he's guilty of something, perhaps he's too weak to own it. Was it love? You're in love with Trevor, and he made you do it? - [Chuckles.] - What? I don't believe in love. And I don't do the bidding of others. And then there was Lester. Why him? Because he wouldn't leave the idea of selling the farm alone. He had people lined up. He was getting the others on board. And you didn't want to get on? That place is my life. Why should the one who walked away decide what happens to it? Of course, this time, she couldn't do the deed, could she? Not once we decided on the caffeine solution. I was the only one that could spike his drink while we were getting ready. That clown is a bloody menace. - Mm-hmm. - You agree? - TREVOR: Yep. - Putting it in his shorts was a bit of an overkill, though, wasn't it? - Excuse the pun. - TREVOR: Yeah. Well, that wasn't quite meant to go like that. Turns out I'm not very good at this poisoning lark. LESTER: Well, you're the one with him on your bloody couch. - You need to get your - sh1t! LESTER: Tell him to take his stupid ideas and his drugs and go back to where he came from. - Got that, mate? - Mm-hmm. I said, "Have you got that, mate?" What? Sorry, mate. I was trying to refill my drink bottle, and I dropped it in your bag. It went through all your stuff. Geez, Trevor. You egg. Sorry. Come on. The wet undercarriage isn't actually too bad. We might be onto something here. Come on. While we were riding, there was part of me that was hoping that it wouldn't work. Is that all you got, mate? [Both laugh.] That he'd just push on through, like he always did. But that didn't happen, did it? No. You watched your own brother die in front of you. Lester! [Cellphone rings.] Mike. BREEN: Then we come to Dion. After Lester, I wanted to stop. But Dion was proving impossible to control. Was it her idea to both kill and frame Dion? No. That was me. I wanted it to be over. So, what, while Madison was wining and dining and poisoning Dion at her place, you were shifting the lab equipment to the nice, secluded place she'd found for him. We needed to keep him out of the bach for the whole night so the ricin would kick in. Ricin. Isn't that some kind of nerve gas? TREVOR: [Laughing.] Maybe in fiction. In life, all you need to do is grind up some castor oil beans. It is remarkably easy to manufacture. You say he needed to be kept out all night. So I could set up the lab and he didn't have time to find it and destroy it. How did Ms. Mathers keep him out all night? She didn't say. So, was it an intellectual thing? To see if you could get away with it? - Get away with what? - Or was it because you enjoyed the thrill of getting away with it last time? What last time? Your mother. My mother died of a rare bone disease. She was ill for a very long time. I am aware of that. I did look after her every bloody day. Every bloody day for all of those years until the one day she decided to top herself. As I told the police at the time, I was unaware that she'd been hoarding pills. Mm. There was no evidence to suggest otherwise. Karl Nyman once poisoned your mother with datura. Was it revenge for that? She was never the same after that. But she once told me, amidst all her suffering it was the best time of her life. Going blind for three days? MADISON: Enlightening, she said. Am I gonna be charged with my mother's murder now? Well, it's more a question of how much value you place on a human life. Spare me your moral judgment, please. Did you end your mother's life? No. But I wish I had. I wish I had the strength to end her suffering. SIMS: And your own? Perhaps. So you acted out that frustration with Trevor instead. Nice try. I mean, after all, you talked about marriage. Trevor told you that? SIMS: And although a tontine is a joint tenancy, if only one member is left and let's say that that's Trevor if you were married to him and he should accidentally die, then the farm has nowhere go but to you. Do you see where I'm going with this? Like I said nice try. Trevor, you will be charged in relation to the deaths of Jethro Nyman, Lester Nyman, and Dion Waters. I just want it to be over. SHEPHERD: It's only a piece of land, Trevor. You took three lives over a piece of land. It's my home. Not for much longer. Trevor, you must have realized that Mrs. McTavish sees and hears everything. And yet you carried on as if she didn't exist. Madison wanted to kill her. But I said it would be too suspicious. Helen. With everything that's going on with the farm and the will and everything, I just Well, I wanted you to know that you'll be okay. I'm not next, then? Whatever happens, there'll always be a place for you here for as long as you want. I know. I'll be just fine. You got played, Trevor. By your old man. At the end of the day, you did exactly what he told you to do. [Door opens, closes.] Well, Madison Mathers is still denying everything. She's a lawyer. She'll be figuring a way to leave Trevor holding the smoking gun. You were right about the bull. Taking out Manu Collins lit the fuse. Happy families, eh? What do you reckon will happen to the farm? It'll find a way to survive. Land always does. It's been a whirlwind That, I'll admit The way we fell into each other We fell fast in the rift Dragging each other deeper Before we learned to swim There was no relent, my dear, as we pulled each other in So, don't you leave me at the first sign of trouble Welcome home, my love. Don't you let me drown [Ominous music plays.] [Up-tempo music plays.]
doc_101	[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -- NIGHT] (A lone figure carries a body through the construction site. His feet stagger in the dirt under the weight.) VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF: The man continues to carry the body through the construction site. (The man adjusts his hold on the barefooted body wrapped in a blanket. He starts walking across a board leading to the still drying concrete. He tosses the body onto the concrete. The body lands with a splat, unrolls and the body comes to a halt.) (The man nearly loses his balance as he looks at the body out on the concrete. He rolls his eyes.) FLASH TO: [EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -- DAY] (The man is stuck waist-deep in the concrete. Brass leads Catherine and Grissom to the man in the concrete next to the body.) Brass: Construction crew found him when they came into work this morning. The woman's dead. The guy's still alive, but he's not talking. Wouldn't even give me his name, even after I gave him my name. (Catherine starts laughing as she heads over to look at the body.) Grissom: Did you, uh, pull his wallet? Brass: No, everything is just the way I found it. I mean, I figure some knucklehead, you know, came in off the street, found him, figured he had a free pass, and picked his pocket. (The man in the concrete shakes his head. Catherine can't seem to stop laughing.) Brass: Anyway, I'm, uh ... I'm talking to people. I'll, uh, I'll let you know what we find out. Grissom: Catherine ... Do you need a minute? Catherine: Yes, I'm ... Yes, I'm ... (clears throat) I mean ... No, Gil. I'm good. (Catherine walks back to the man in the concrete.) Catherine: So, how's your day going? Max: Lady ... the best day I ever had is worse than the worst day you've ever imagined. Catherine: Oh, I doubt that. Grissom: Who's your lady friend? Max: Never saw that woman before in my life. Catherine: Uh, look, you're not going anywhere. It'll be a lot better for you if you just cooperate and tell us what happened. Max: You want to know what happened? Catherine: Mm-hmm. Max: Figure it out yourself. Grissom: That's the fun part. (Catherine chuckles.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] (Sirens wail in the distance.) [EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX -- DAY] (The residents wait outside. Nick and Warrick walk into the complex. They pass the guard posted at the gate. They meet up with Sofia.) Sofia: Hey. Warrick: Hey. Stokes: Que pasa? Sofia: One of the residents reported smelling a gas leak at 6:00 a.m. (She leads them up the stairs.) Sofia: He, uh, called the gas company. They arrived; they evacuated the building. Nick: I'm surprised anyone picked out a gas leak through the rest of the stench around here. (They reach the second floor.) Warrick: Yeah, smells like used diapers. [INT. IVANOVNA RESIDENCE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (She leads them into the apartment.) Sofia: The gas boys traced the leak to this apartment, and that was when they found ... (She leads them into the kitchen where someone has their head stuck in the open oven.) Sofia: -- this. Nick: Whoa. (Nick walks around the body and looks inside the oven.) Sofia: Alyona Ivanovna. Manager said she's lived here alone for 27 years. Nick: Head in the oven ... It's kind of a classic, huh? (Warrick sees a broken dish on the wash rack.) Warrick: Maybe not. I mean, this apartment is neat as a pin. A lady this tidy wouldn't leave a broken dish in a rack like that, you know? (He snaps a photo of the dish.) Sofia: It doesn't necessarily indicate foul play. (Nick snaps digital pictures of the body while Warrick continues to take photos of the apartment.) Sofia: I checked the doors and the window. There's no sign of forced entry. (Warrick notes the broken phone, twisted on the wall.) Warrick: What do you make of this? A busted phone ... (Quick ZOOM to a CU of the gray hair on the phone.) Warrick: -- with gray hairs in it. (Nick looks at the old woman's hair.) Nick: She's definitely got gray hair. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CONSTRUCTION ISTE -- DAY] (The paramedic squirts water into Max's mouth and puts some goggles over Max's eyes.) Catherine: (o.s.) Okay, David. Let's roll her over together. (Catherine and David are with the body. They flip the body over. Max watches from the side. The paramedic is applying sunscreen to the top of Max's bald head.) David Phillips: Single stab wound, just below the sternum. It feels domestic. Crime of passion? CATHERINE: Maybe? David Phillips: Good point. [SCENE_BREAK] (The workers use a jackhammer on the concrete around Max. Catherine covers her eyes as the dust fills the air around them.) Catherine: Hey! Hey! Hey! (She motions for the worker to stop. The jackhammer stops.) Catherine: You ready to give me a name? (Max doesn't say anything.) Catherine: You know, you are in a very deep hole, in every sense of the word, my friend. Think about that while we chisel you out. It's going to take a few hours ... assuming we're careful. See ya. (Max waves to her as Catherine gets up and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. IVANOVA RESIDENCE - KITCHEN -- DAY] (Warrick spreads the white sheet on the floor as Nick and David Phillips help get Alyona Ivanovna out of the oven. They place her on the sheet.) Nick: It's just a guess, but I'd say she's in rigor. (Warrick snaps photos of the body.) David Phillips: Blunt-force trauma on the forehead, and on the base of the skull. Warrick: I doubt very highly that those were self-induced. (Warrick shines his flashlight on the inside of the oven.) Warrick: Look at that: it's dented. (Quick flash to: Someone shoves the old woman into the oven. End of flash.) Warrick: Looks like she may have been slammed into her own oven. Nick: Yep. David Phillips: She's been dead at least twelve hours. (Camera zooms in toward something behind her ear.) Nick: I've got a substance on her ... right ear. She doesn't really look like the hair gel type. (Warrick snaps photos.) Nick: Hang on a second, fellas. Look at that. (Nick reaches in and takes out the woman's bottom teeth.) Nick: Her dentures ... they were in upside down. (Very strange.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Grissom finds Greg in the hallway.) Grissom: Hey. You're coming with me. We got another 419 out by Nellis. Greg: Wow, busy night. Any details? Grissom: They tell me it tastes just like chicken. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MANNLEIGH CHICKEN -- DAY] (Grissom and Greg walk past the officers as they head for the warehouse. Outside, there are moveable cages filled with chickens.) [INT. MANNLEIGH CHICKEN -WAREHOUSE - DAY] (The plant is quiet. Grissom and Greg walk inside and meet up with Brass, who waits by the body. The body is in the basin in some water.) Brass: The dead guy in the bath is Raymundo Suarez. He works the night shift. He cleans the equipment from 8:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. The day-shift guys came in, found him like this. The foreman here called it in. Grissom: This basin is designed to transfer an electrical current. Plant Foreman: Of course it does. It's a stun bath. We use it to stun the chickens before they go into the next room. Brass: Where they get their throats cut. Plant Foreman: Which is why we electrocute them first. It's humane. Greg: Was the current on when you found the body? Plant Foreman: No, sir, it was off; it stays off all night. Hey, uh, how long is this gonna take? Brass: As long as it takes. Plant Foreman: I got a lot of birds piling up outside. They're gonna die out there in that heat. Brass: Well, it's not like they're gonna do any better in here. Come on, I want to talk to your crew. (Brass leads the plant foreman out of the area. Grissom looks up at the equipment.) Greg: Maybe he was high. Passes out and falls in? Grissom: How does he end up face down in the middle of the bath? Greg: Kind of tough to drown in three inches of water. Grissom: Not impossible, though. (Quick flash of: Raymundo Suarez is face down in the water. He seizes and shakes from the electrocution.) Grissom: (V.O.) If he hit the water when the current was on, his muscles could've contracted, making it impossible for him to get out. (Someone comes and turns the switch off.) Greg: (V.O.) But the machine's off at night, and it was off when they found the body. (End of flash.) Greg: Which means someone turned it off after he was dead. Grissom: Yeah. (beat) Who? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MANNLEIGH CHICKEN - DAY] (Outside, the workers are being interviewed by officers. The chickens continue to sit in their cages.) (Brass interviews Ernie Dell.) Brass: All right, what's your name, and what do you do here? Ernie Dell: Name's Ernie Dell. Maintenance man. I work 3:00 to 11:00. Brass: Mm-hmm. You see the victim last night? Ernie Dell: Uh, yeah, and Raymundo was just fine when I left. Brass: You and Raymundo get along? Ernie Dell: Kept my nose out of his business; he kept his out of mine. Didn't have a problem with him. Brass: But you know somebody who did? Ernie Dell: Well, between you and me, the guy you ought to be talking to is Ike Mannleigh. Brass: Oh. You mean the guy who owns the company? Ernie Dell: Well, Raymundo's pretty far down on the pecking order. Brass: You think the big boss had a problem with him? Ernie Dell: No. Not unless you think a guy banging your wife is a problem. (Quick flash of: Raymundo and Mrs. Mannleigh kiss and undress among the clucking chickens. Ernie Dell sees them from behind the chicken cages. End of flash.) Ernie Dell: Can't blame him, though. Bubbles Mannleigh is a cheap whore. Brass: Did you and Bubbles take a tumble? Ernie Dell: Me? Nah. Reminds me too much of my mother. Besides, uh ... Bubbles likes the dark meat. [INT. MANNLEIGH CHICKEN -WAREHOUSE - DAY] (Greg snaps photos of the body and surrounding areas while Grissom looks around.) (Grissom kneels in front of the electrical switch and moves it a little.) (Greg finds something. He snaps a photo and picks up a used condom.) Greg: Unappetizing place to get your rocks off. Grissom: Not if you have a poultry fetish. (Grissom looks around and finds something. He heads over to a box tucked away in the corner. Greg glances up at him.) Greg: You got something? Grissom: Yeah, I think so. (Grissom opens the box and finds a miniature plant replica complete with dead body inside.) Grissom: One more chance. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MINIATURE PLANT] (Camera swoops around the plant basin and dead body face-down inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY] (TOP VIEW DOWN: One by one, the camera moves across the miniatures lined up on the table. First the most recent miniature of the Mannleigh Chicken Plant, then the Penny Garden room.) INSERT: SCENE FROM 7X07: POST MORTEM (Someone smashes Penny Garden into the window. She falls on the glass and dies.) (Cut to: Grissom moves the pillow on the chair aside and finds the image of a doll on the pillow.) BACK TO SCENE. (The camera continues to move to the first diorama found of Izzy Delancy's kitchen.) INSERT: SCENE OF 7X02: BUILT TO KILL (2) (Someone comes up behind Izzy Delancy and hits him on the back of his head.) (Cut to: Grissom picks up the framed photo of Izzy carrying his baby. Behind the frame is a partial image of a doll.) BACK TO SCENE. [CU: PHOTOS] (Pan over a XCU photo of the doll, then on the image of the doll on the pillow.) (Grissom turns around from the board full of photos of various views of the dioramas. He puts his glasses on and picks up the scope. He puts one end in the latest diorama and the other end up against his eye.) SCOPE VIEW: Grissom looks through the diorama, covering a lot of ground. He sees the door and an image in one of the door's windows. (Grissom peels off the image and looks at it under a magnifying glass. He smiles. It's of a red-haired doll on the ground - partially on the grass and on concrete with blood spatter under the head.) Sara: (o.s.) You look like a kid who's just found the prize at the bottom of a Cracker Jacks box. (Sara walks in the room.) Grissom: Definitely some kind of doll. Sara: It sure is. (Grissom turns around and indicates the other doll photos on the board.) Grissom: Three different views of the same dead doll. Maybe this is more than a signature. Maybe there's something these victims have in common. Sara: First two victims were white, third Hispanic, two men, one woman, one rich, two poor, one young, two old, one famous, two obscure ... Grissom: Yeah. (He picks up a blurry photo.) Grissom: And unfortunately, this is the best lead we have for their killer. INSERT: SCENE FROM 7X07: POST-MORTEM. The killer delivers the box on the front porch. (Sara takes the blurry photo.) Sara: This is the most that Archie could get off that video? Grissom: Yeah, well, with the equipment we have here. Sara: I'm getting Raymundo's cell phone records. I'm gonna see if any of his calls are a match to the numbers that Penny Garden and Izzy Delancy had in common. Grissom: Whatever happened with that number we got off the disposable cell phone? Any luck with that? Sara: Disposable phone numbers are assigned by the carrier to the phone distributors. It took a little bit of legwork, but I did find the store where the phone was sold. Grissom: Let me guess. It was paid for with cash. Sara: Yeah. (Sara sees the information on the bottom of the photo.) Mannleigh Chickens. Grissom: What about it? (She picks up the file folder.) Sara: I'll let you know. (She heads for the door. Grissom looks at her. She looks back.) Sara: See how it feels? (Sara suppresses a smile and leaves Grissom there.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (There are three bodies on exam tables. Catherine waits while Doc Robbins signs David Phillips' clipboard.) David Phillips: You know, we're getting kind of backed up in here. Robbins: The only one I hear complaining about it is you. (He gives the clipboard back to David. David leaves.) Robbins: Your cement lady's approximately 40 to 45 years old. COD is exsanguination due to laceration of the right ventricle. Wound seven centimeters long, five millimeters wide. Catherine: That looks like it could be a double-edged blade. It's pretty thick, too. Robbins: Well, it passed into the heart-- (Quick CGI flash of: A blade pierces the heart and it bleeds out.) Robbins: (V.O.) with a, uh, point of entry midline just below the xiphoid process. (End of CGI flash.) Catherine: Upward thrust. Robbins: I just said that. Catherine: Okay. Any idea what the weapon might have been? Robbins: If I knew, I would've told you. I got to get to work. Taxpayers are getting their money's worth tonight. (Robbins steps away to the next body. We hold on Catherine.) [SCENE_BREAK] [CAMERA] (Max holds the identification plate as his photo is taken. There is no ID number or name on the board. ID NO. DATE LAS VEGAS POLICE DEPARTMENT. ) (The camera flashes.) (Max blinks and turns to the side. The camera flashes again.) (Max steps out of camera frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (An officer leads Max into the room. Catherine dips his hands into a bowl) Catherine: Thank you. Max: Tingles. Catherine: You take them out, he puts them back in. Max: What is it? Catherine: It's acetic acid. Max: Do you do feet? I got a bunion that could use some soaking. (Catherine takes his hands out and towel dries them.) Max: What's this do? Catherine: Takes your fingerprints. Max: Mmm. (She puts his hands on the box.) Max: Good luck with that. (Brass walks in.) Brass: How's Mr. Hoffa? Max: Hey, Jim. Cathy and I are just getting reacquainted. Will Gilbert be stopping by? Brass: I take it we don't have a name yet. Catherine: No. Brass: I bet you ten bucks that I have you made by 9:00 p.m. Max: You're on. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUTSIDE IVANOVNA APARTMENT -- DAY] (Nick and Warrick step out of the apartment. Nick is on the phone.) Nick: (to phone) Okay, Hodges. What do you got? Hodges: (from phone) The green trace on your old lady. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Hodges walks through the hallway with the results while talking on the phone with Nick.) Hodges: Adipic acid, disodium phosphate, sodium citrate, fumaric acid, Yellow #5, Blue #1, BHA, a whole lot of gelatin, and sugar. Nick: Which is? Hodges: Oh, come on. There's always room for it. Nick: Just tell me what it is, Hodges. Hodges: Jell-O. Lime Jell-O. Nick: Lime Jell-O? Hodges: I tell you what. You tell me why. (Hodges hangs up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [XCU: GREEN JELL-O] (Through the green Jell-Osludge on the floor, ants crawl all over it.) CAMERA ZOOMS OUT on the ant-infested green spot on the floor. [EXT. OUTSIDE IVANOVNA APARTMENT -- DAY] (Warrick looks down and notices the green Jell-O spot on the ground. He takes his camera out and follows the trail of ants and Jell-O.) (He takes a photo.) VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF: (Warrick and Nick follow the trail. Warrick snaps photos and Nick puts down evidence markers.) (Dissolve to: Nick hands Warrick evidence marker 8. He puts it on the ground and snaps photos.) (Dissolve to: FAR SHOT. Nick and Warrick continue following the trail to the end of the floor.) (Dissolve to: Nick and Warrick follow the trail to the next building.) (Dissolve to: Nick puts down evidence marker #39. Warrick snaps photos. Warrick puts the next evidence marker #16 down in front of the door.) (They look at the apartment door.) [INT. APARTMENT - DAY] (The door bursts open. An officer and Sofia quickly check the apartment.) Sofia: Clear. (Warrick puts his gun away. He and Nick enter the apartment. He sees another spot of green Jell-O on the floor.) Officer: (o.s.) Clear. (Warrick snaps photos of the Jell-O spots. Nick points them out as they head toward the kitchen.) (They enter the kitchen and see the smears on the floor.) Nick: Oh, boy. Looks like somebody cleaned up in a hurry. More green Jell-O. (Warrick continues to snap photos. Nick takes out a swab.) Warrick: Sofia, you get a tenant's name for this apartment? Sofia: According to the management office, this apartment's a sublet, has been for years. He's not seen who lives here. (Nick tests the swab.) Nick: I got blood, too. (Warrick looks out the window.) Warrick: This place has a direct view of the old lady's apartment. (Sofia and Nick join Warrick and look out the window as well.) Warrick: So, what, the guy's killing the old lady, -- (Quick flash of: VIEW ON WINDOW. The curtains are closed and all we see are the shadows behind them. The man on the other side pushes the curtain aside and looks out.) Warrick: (V.O.) -- he sees he's being watched, and he, what, comes back here and whacks the witness? (End of flash.) Nick: It's possible. But why get rid of this body and leave the old lady? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Grissom and Sara are watching an IZZY DELANCY ad.) Izzy: (from video) Hi. I'm Izzy Delancy. And back in my bad old days, I'd do almost anything to sell albums. (The caption on the bottom of the ad runs: PLEASE DONATE! - 1-800-555-0199 - LITTLE CREATURES GREAT & SMALL - WE NEED YOUR HELP! ) Izzy: (from video) People even accused me of biting the heads off live chickens on stage. I'm not proud of that. But I've worked hard to change. And with the help of the good Lord, fourteen years of therapy and two loving wives, I humbly believe I've made progress. But this story is not about Izzy Delancy. It's about something much, much bigger: cruelty. Did you know that every day in the United States, more chickens are killed than all the people in the Rwandan genocide? Now, you may argue, "Izzy, African people are not a food source." Well, you're missing the point entirely. Cruelty is cruelty, whether the victim be a chicken or a malnourished African. (Sara pauses the ad.) Grissom: Where did you find this? Sara: I like animals, and after the Delancy murder, I brushed up on my history. As it turns out, three years ago, Izzy Delancy had a midlife awakening and became an animal rights activist. He starred in and financed this PSA targeting Mannleigh Chickens as the epitome of everything that is wrong in the slaughter industry. (Sara continues the ad. This time, it's for MANNLEIGH CHICKEN. The caption on screen reads: MANNLEIGH CHICKEN TV COMMERCIAL.) Ike Mannleigh: (from ad) It takes a manly man to make a Mannleigh chicken. (On screen, Ike Mannleigh leans forward and crows like a rooster. The caption reads: IKE MANNLEIGH, C.E.O.) (The ad continues.) Izzy Delancy: (from ad) Now, perhaps you've purchased Mannleigh Roasters, Fryers or Assorted Parts at your local grocery store, and you believe you're eating chicken. But what you're really eating is cruelty. Our undercover investigators secretly recorded workers at a Mannleigh processing plant throwing loose animals up against the wall, stomping up and down on them, kicking them across the room. (Sara pauses the ad.) Grissom: How bad did Mannleigh get hurt by this? Sara: His sales dropped 60%. He launched a very expensive PR campaign to rehabilitate his image, including retrofitting a plant with cruelty-free equipment. His business never recovered. He probably hated Delancy. (Grissom nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Brass talks with Ike Mannleigh.) Ike Mannleigh: I have no idea how Raymundo ended up dead. I liked that boy. Brass: Apparently, so did your wife. She was spending some quality time with Raymundo down at the plant. Ike Mannleigh: If I killed every guy that banged my Bubbles, they'd be stacking up like cord wood. Brass: So you have no problem with it? Ike Mannleigh: Look. Bubbles is an insatiable slut, but she's my slut, and I love her. I don't expect you to understand. Brass: Oh, I get it. (Brass passes a crime scene photo of Penny Garden.) Brass: Do you know this woman? Ike Mannleigh: I've never seen her before in my life. Brass: How about him? (He passes over a crime scene photo of Izzy Delancy.) Ike Mannleigh: Let's not screw around here. You know I knew him, and you know I hated him. That jerk nearly put me into Chapter 11. Brass: He ended up dead, too. Ike Mannleigh: And I sent his wife a Hallmark and a case of frozen chickens the day he died. Brass: He was murdered. Ike Mannleigh: That's what I heard, too. We're done here. You want to call my attorney or should I? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- NIGHT] (The label on the package reads: DATE: 12-07-06 657-18898-23564 R. KRANSEN 206*-555-0165 VISION IMAGE AZ 2655 WEST 37TH AVE NE SEATTLE WA 98101 MR. GIL GRISSOM 702-555-0189 CSI: LAS VEGAS CRIME LAB 3057 WESTFALL AVENUE LAS VEGAS NV 89156 (Grissom opens the box and plugs it in.) (The VISION IMAGE AZ FORENSIC PHOTO LAB software is installed.) (Grissom sits at the workstation installing the software.) (Grissom watches the 11.09.06 footage of the box being delivered to PENNY GARDEN'S neighbor. He runs the video through the software and enhances the image. He works on sharpening the enhanced image.) (Hodges walks in and watches Grissom for a moment. Grissom successfully enhances the image on the back of the deliveryman's shirt. It looks like a train.) Hodges: (enthusiastic) Whoo, whoo-whoo! Grissom: (startled) Thank you, Hodges. I can see that it's a train. Hodges: Yeah, but it's Locomotive-ville. (Grissom is quiet.) Hodges: Sorry. Thought you might be a member. (Surprised, Grissom glances at Hodges, then back at the enhanced photo.) [SCENE_BREAK] [MONITOR] (Greg is at the L.V.M.T.C. site. He enters the site. The write up reads: LOCOMOTIVEVILLE LAS VEGAS MODEL TRAIN CLUB Welcome to Locomotiveville! If you are a new to the site, be sure to check out the -- page and join. Jordan Palmer will be here this Saturday for a free workshop on bu- trains. Jordan will cover the entire process, from where to get the best models at - to which glue and paint will hold up the be--- Jordan's 4th year at the annual model fest- answer all of your questions. Reservations - made early, classes always fill up. Don't - for the raffle, only five dollars at the door. (He scrolls through the on-line photos of various members. Names include: KEVIN SIMONS, JORDAN PALMER, KRISTEN DEARDAH?, JANE TEMPLETON, CHARLES McCORMICK, AMY KIRKWOOD, COREY JENNINGS, CHOLE KEATON, HERBERT BELL, GRANT BOYD, ERNIE DELL, MARISSA CALLAH?, ... ) (Greg stops on ERNIE DELL.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DELL RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (Squad cars pull up, their sirens off but lights flashing.) Brass: (V.O.) Attention all units, suspect's name is Ernie Dell. Dispatch: (V.O.) Copy that. All units, please be advised that suspect Ernie Dell - (TOP VIEW DOWN on squad car 694. Brass exits the vehicle and meets up with Officer Mitchell who is carrying something to open the front door.) [INT. DELL RESIDENCE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT] (They reach the front porch. Brass knocks on the door.) Brass: Ernie Dell? Las Vegas Police! Open up. (There's no answer coming from the darkened house. Brass steps away from the door.) Brass: (to Officer Mitchell) Go ahead. Break it. (Officer Mitchell uses a crowbar and opens the front door. The two officers enter the house and move silently inside. Brass enters the house. He looks around.) Officer: (o.s.) It's clear, Captain. SHORT TIME CUT TO: (The trains are powered on. The electricity powers on and the hum of the model trains start as it runs along the tracks set up inside the room. Greg and Brass look at the set-up.) (The detail is amazing and also gruesome. There's a person standing on top of a large building - and another lying in a pool of blood on the sidewalk below.) (In another part of the route, there are four people beating to a pulp another person on the ground in front of a warehouse.) (Greg continues to look at the miniatures - there's a cemetery. Greg looks around.) Officer: (o.s.) Captain. There's a workshop in the basement. (The train enters a tunnel and toots its whistle.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DELL RESIDENCE - BASEMENT - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (The lights turn on. Brass and Greg enter the basement. Along one of the walls is a workstation with incomplete and partial miniature parts. There are also many, many molds on the worktable.) (Brass finds dozens and dozens of miniature people of different sizes.) (Greg looks around and sees a blue car through a lamp post, its front red and bloodied. There are other bloodied figurines and even a grim reaper for the cemetery, complete with bloodied scythe.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Sofia walks with Warrick through the hallway on their way to the waiting room.) Sofia: One of the other residents ID'd the tenant in the sublet apartment as Paula Sullivan. Warrick: That's good. Sofia: Well, it's better than good. Apparently Paula Sullivan does a little day care on the side. We have a witness. (They enter the waiting area.) Warrick: Hi. I'm Warrick Brown from the Crime Lab. (Suzy's mom stands up. Suzy sits nearby with her teddy bear.) Suzy's Mom: Hi. My Suzy was in that apartment yesterday. And she was filthy when they sent her back, and I marched right over there to give Paula a piece of my mind, and she wasn't home. Paula wasn't there. Suzy: Max watched me. He's nice. Suzy's Mom: Her husband. Neither of them was there when I went back. Warrick: Well, ma'am, we're going to need your daughter's clothes from yesterday. Suzy: I like you. You're a giant. (Warrick chuckles.) Warrick: And you're a princess. Suzy: Thank you. SHORT TIME CUT TO: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Suzy's feet dangle about a foot off the floor as she swings her legs back and forth. Warrick talks with her as Suzy's mom watches.) Warrick: Okay, Suzy, tell me about Max. What's Max like? Suzy: Max is my friend. He's a lion tamer and an astronaut and a spy. Suzy's Mom: Guy always kinda creeped me out. Warrick: (whispers to Suzy's mom) How come you didn't know that Paula Sullivan wasn't home? Suzy's Mom: We live across the courtyard. (Quick flashback to: Suzy's mom puts her shoes on and gives Suzy a shaka sign. Suzy gives her the shaka sign back.) Suzy's Mom: Bye. (Suzy turns and runs up the stairs.) Suzy's Mom: (V.O.) I send Suzy over. I watch until she gets inside. (She reaches the door and waves to her mom before entering.) (End of flashback.) Suzy: I went in. It was a big mess. Warrick: A big mess? What color was the mess? Suzy: Red and green. (Quick flashback to: Suzy enters the apartment and closes the door. She walks into the kitchen and starts playing with the green Jell-O on the floor. She picks some up and is going to eat it when -- Max: (o.s.) Don't eat that. (Suzy turns.) (End of flashback.) (Suzy giggles.) Suzy: Max came into the kitchen in his underpants. (Warrick glances at Suzy's mom.) Warrick: Hmm ... Did Max try to hug you or touch you? Suzy: Oh, no. He went and got dressed. Warrick: Did Max seem surprised to see all that big mess there? Suzy: (shrugs) I don't know. Warrick: What did Max do next? Suzy: He started cleaning up the big mess. I bet he didn't want to get in trouble. Warrick: I bet you're right. You know what? Could you help me? I've got a picture right here. And I have some crayons, too. Could you draw where the red and the green is in the room? (Warrick gives her a photo of the kitchen. Suzy colors the floor red and puts green circles up on the refrigerator.) Warrick: So the green was all the way up here in the cabinets, too? Suzy: He, um, he had to stand on a chair to reach it. Warrick: Did you help him clean up the mess? Suzy: At first, but then he said there was sharp stuff, so I watched TV. (Quick flashback to: Suzy watches tv. End of flashback.) Warrick: And then what happened? Suzy Sullivan: Then I watched some more TV. Then I watched some more TV, and then I watched some more TV, and then I went home. (Warrick smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (Grissom removes a single pot from the miniature pot rack from the ceiling of the IZZY DELANCY diorama. He fits the ceiling back on the miniature.) (Grissom takes the pot and starts comparing it to all the moldings taken from Ernie Dell's basement. He finds a mold and puts the pot in the mold. He looks for the matching mold cover and fits the two pieces together. He squeezes in some mold mixture.) (He removes the sample and checks it under the scope to compare the two pots. It's a match.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom and Brass question Ernie Dell. Grissom places photos of matching items taken from the dioramas and molds taken from Ernie's house.) Brass: Do these belong to you? Ernie Dell: You know damned well they do. You took 'em from my house. They're mine and I want them back. Brass: So you worked with Raymundo Suarez. Did you know Izzy Delancy? Ernie Dell: Everybody knows Izzy Delancy. He's famous. Used to do it to his music. Brass: And how did he thank you for that? Public humiliation? (Brass puts a screen capture off of an IZZY DELANCY ad. It's of Ernie Dell with a Mannleigh chicken.) Brass: And you knew Penny Garden. Ernie Dell: Who? Grissom: Penny Garden. You delivered a package to her house. (Grissom shows Ernie a photo of the train off the back of the shirt.) Brass: You're a handyman. What'd you fix for her? Ernie Dell: I don't know anything about that. Lots of guys got them shirts. Grissom: Do you have any idea how ... your work ended up at crime scenes from three different murders? (Grissom shows the dioramas to Ernie.) Ernie Dell: I've been making scale models since I was nine years old. I sell my stuff at craft fairs, to hobby shops, over the Internet, every damned place. Sold things to hundreds of people over the years. Any of them could have ended up in the hands of your killer. You're just picking on an old man 'cause you got nothing. Brass: We're just talking here, Ernie. We're just talking. Ernie Dell: You charging me with something? Brass: You want a cup of coffee, Ernie? We got decaf. Ernie Dell: Charge me or let me go. (He looks at them.) I want a lawyer. Brass: You're free to go. (Ernie gets up and leaves the room. Brass sighs.) Brass: So was he right? Are we really just picking on an old man or is he the bad guy? Grissom: Well, he's associated peripherally with all the victims, and he certainly has the right skills. Brass: Yeah ... he spent half his life in Locomotiveville. Grissom: I know what it's like to lose yourself in little things. After a while it gets to you. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] Catherine: (on phone) (V.O.) We're coming up goose eggs on "cement boy" and his lady friend. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Brass is on the phone as he hurries through the hallway.) Brass: You got to be kidding? Catherine: (from phone) No hits on AFIS, no hits on CODIS. Guy's got no work card, and his keys weren't a match for any vehicle in a three-block radius of the construction site. Brass: Unbelievable. Catherine: Apparently, just a couple of law-abiding folk. Brass: Well, keep me posted. (He closes his cell phone and enters - [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Max sits at the table.) Max: Hello, Jim. Brass: Hello. Max: Hello ... who? (Brass sits down.) Brass: You know, I don't need your name to arrest you. I can call you John Doe. Okay, let's assume for the moment that you did know the dead lady laying five feet from where we found you. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you killed her, and then you tried to dispose of her body, but you did something very, very stupid. Are you with me so far? Max: Interesting. Do you have the time, Jim? Brass: Yeah. Max: 'Cause it looks like it's half-past. You owe me ten bucks. (Brass chuckles.) Brass: Make sure this goes in his personal effects. (Brass takes out his money clip and pulls out a ten-dollar bill. He holds it out and Max reaches for it.) Brass: Now, I'm gonna suggest you get a name tag, put the name "Trixie" on it, 'cause that's what your cell mates will be calling you. (Max takes the bill.) Brass: Take him to his cell. (The officer helps Max up.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] (Max smugly waves the ten-dollar bill out in front of him as he moves through the hallway.) Max: Anybody want anything from the vending machines? Come on. It's on me. Actually, it's on Jimbo. (to the officers) Took this baby off of Captain Brass myself. (to Brass) Look at me, generating income my first day in the joint. Yeah, Mom would be so proud. Not hungry? Soda, maybe? Anybody? (Walking toward him are Suzy's mom, Suzy and Sofia.) (Max sees Suzy and tries to hide behind the ten-dollar bill. He looks at her and tries to signal her to be quiet. The little girl looks at Max and her face lights up.) Suzy Sullivan: Hi, Max! Max: (sheepish) Hi, Suzy. Brass: (mocks) "Hi, Max." (Brass takes the ten back from Max. Max rolls his eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (Max is back in the interview room with Brass.) Max: Yeah, I killed my wife, but it was an accident. Brass: You accidentally stabbed her through the heart? Max: That's right. Believe me or don't believe me. I don't care. It's the truth. (Quick flash of: Max pours himself a cup of coffee and spills some on his shirt. He groans.) Paula Sullivan: (groans) Oh, Max. You got coffee on your shirt. (He puts the cup down on the counter near the refrigerator and opens the refrigerator to get the container of milk out from behind the large bowl of green Jell-O.) Paula Sullivan: Here. You're gonna be late again. Could I please just get some ... (She kneels to dab at his shirt as Max pulls the container of milk out of the refrigerator. He knocks over the bowl of Jell-O and it breaks, shattering glass on the floor and green Jell-O everywhere.) Max: Oh! (Both Max and Paula bend over forward and they bang foreheads.) Max/Paula: (both groan) Oh. PAULA: Oh. MAX: Nice. (They rub their foreheads. Max bends over and starts to pick up the broken glass off the floor.) (Meanwhile, the toaster burns the morning toast. The smoke detector starts beeping.) (Max takes a step, slips and accidentally grabs Paula, stabbing her in the chest with the piece of broken glass in his hand.) Paula: Oh. (Paula dies and falls to the floor. Max looks at the piece of broken glass in his hand.) (End of flashback.) Brass: Max, I want to believe you, but I ... (He chuckles.) Max: If I wanted to kill her, do you think I would've dropped a bowl of Jell-O and stabbed her with a piece of broken glass? Brass: But if it was an accident, why didn't you just pick up the phone and call the police? Max: Because I killed my granny. Okay? (Quick flashback to: Granny is in bed and wearing an oxygen mask. She gasps for breath.) Max: (V.O.) It was a long time ago, and it was an accident. (A young Max sits in the rocking chair next to the bed and he's sleeping. Unfortunately, the rocking chair is on Granny's oxygen tubing.) Max: (V.O.) She stroked out. It wasn't my fault. (End of flashback.) Max: They never should've put the oxygen line there. They let me off for that, but I didn't think anyone would believe me this time. Brass: You were never convicted of killing your grandmother. Max: No. Brass: Which is why you don't have a record. Max: You would've found out eventually and held it against me. Brass: All right, what about your neighbor? Mrs. Ivanovna-- did you kill her or was that an accident? Max: I just wanted to talk to her. (Quick flashback to: Max looks at the piece of broken glass in his hand. He turns and sees Mrs. Ivanovna looking at him through the window.) Max: (V.O.) You know, I thought I could make it be okay. (He closes the curtain.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Max knocks on the door to apartment 21.) Max: Mrs. Ivanovna? Hello. (The door opens.) Aloyna Ivanovna: Hello. What do you want? Max: Good morning. Uh, I was wondering if I might borrow some sugar. Aloyna Ivanovna: I get sugar. You stay. Max: Sure. (She turns and heads back inside Aloyna Ivanovna: I get sugar. Stay! Max: Yeah. Aloyna Ivanovna: I get. Yes. I get. You stay. (She disappears into the kitchen. Max smiles at her.) Max: (calls out) I can't have my coffee without my sugar. (He turns and looks at his reflection in the mirror. There's a large bloody mess on his shirt. He groans.) Max: (V.O.) The last thing I wanted to do was hurt that lady. (Max rushes into the kitchen.) Max: Mrs. Ivanovna, it's not what you think! (The old woman is rushing and moving very slowly. She turns to reach for the phone.) Max: No, Mrs. Ivanovna, it's not what you think. (Max reaches her, bumps into her and smashes her into the kitchen phone.) Max: You don't understand. It was an accident. (She falls on the floor, a cut on her head and her false teeth out on the floor. He goes to check on her.) Max: Oh, God. Mrs. Ivanovna? (Max groans.) Max: (V.O.) She was dead. So, you know, I thought ... (Max turns the gas stove on.) Max: (V.O.) ... maybe I'd make it look like a suicide. (He picks her up off the floor and sticks her in the oven.) (End of flashback.) (Max sighs.) Max: It was not ... a good start to the day. (Quick flashback to: Max rolls his wife in a carpet.) (Cut to: He carries her out over his shoulders and out the back.) (Cut to: He opens the car door and sticks her in the trunk. He strips there, tosses the clothes in the trunk and slams the trunk door closed. He glances around and dashes back to the apartment.) (Cut to: Max reaches the apartment and closes the door. He turns to go inside.) Suzy: (o.s.) Hi, Max! (He turns.) Max: Don't eat that! (Suzy is sitting on the kitchen floor with some Jell-O in her fingers. Suzy giggles.) (End of flashback.) Max: After Suzy went back to her mother, I decided to, you know ... Brass: What, to give your wife -- your beloved wife -- a proper burial? Max: Something like that. (Quick flashback to: The back of the car sags from the weight of the body in the trunk, causing the muffler to spark as it drags on the asphalt as Max drives away.) (Cut to: A bunch of homeless people are outside. Max's car fails right in front of the homeless people.) Max: (V.O.) But along the way, I had a bit of car trouble. (Cut to: Max is transporting the body in a shopping cart.) (Flash to: Max carries the carpet as he walks along the thin wooden plank over the wet concrete foundation. He drops the carpet and his wife's body rolls out. Max steps out to get the body and he sinks - and gets stuck - and can't move - and the more he struggles, the deeper he sinks - till he's waist deep in the concrete.) (Max sighs.) (End of flashback.) Max: Few hours later, some punk wanders over and swiped my wallet. That's my life. That's who I am. [OBSERVATION ROOM] Max: (through speakers) I'm the guy who buys his daughter a puppy for her eighth birthday, and the next day, he backs out of the driveway and ... (Catherine rolls her eyes and shakes her head.) Brass: No. No. Don't tell me you ran over the puppy. Max: No. I ran over my daughter. (Catherine's jaw drops.) Max: Twenty years later, she still walks funny. (Catherine laughs quietly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (Catherine sits in front of Grissom's desk. She's still laughing.) Catherine: I'm sorry. It's horrible. But it's really funny. It's horrible and it's funny. (She looks at Grissom.) Catherine: Are you okay? (Grissom shakes his head.) Grissom: A guy kills two people before breakfast that he had no intention of killing when he woke up that morning. By all accounts, he's led a meager life, an unnoticed life. And then all of a sudden, in a flash, it's over. And now, for him, the real suffering begins. Catherine: You're tired. Grissom: Yeah. (Sara walks in.) Sara: Hey. Guess what. Grissom: Mankind has reached a new evolutionary plateau, and starting tomorrow, no one will rape, murder or maim again. Sara: Uh, no. Grissom: Too bad. Sara: But we did catch a break on that disposable cell phone number. Grissom: Raymundo Suarez called it as well. Sara: No, he didn't. But according to the carrier, additional minutes were recently purchased with a credit card belonging to Ernie Dell. Brass is already on it. They're picking him up. We've got the miniature killer. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DELL RESIDENCE - OUTSIDE STREET - NIGHT] (Officers head quietly for the front door.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (Grissom sits in his office and waits.) (His computer beeps.) Recorded Voice: You have e-mail. (Grissom turns and sits in front of his computer. He opens the e-mail from: Ernie @ eedellworld.co... 6KB I CONFESS TO THE MURDERS OF ... (He opens it: From: <Ernie @eedellworld.com> To: GilGrissom Date: 12/08/06 12:32 am Subject: I CONFESS TO THE MURDERS OF Izzy Delancy, Penny Garden, & Raymundo Suarez. www.eedellworld.com (It's a video file.) (Ernie appears on the monitor.) Ernie Dell: (from video) My name is Ernest Edward Dell. I was born in 1946 in Ames, Iowa. My life's been hard, but I don't complain. I never expected better. [EXT. DELL RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (The police open the front door and enter.) [VIDEO] (Ernie lifts a cup of tea, then puts it down.) Ernie Dell: (from video) I'm good with my hands. I make things. I fix things. I'm a handyman. That's what I am. [INT. DELL RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT] (The officers are inside the house. They go through it quietly.) [VIDEO] Ernie Dell: (from video) A man has a right to an honest day's pay. Me, I service the machinery of death so that people can eat. If that makes me evil, then so be it. (He sips his tea.) I'm not the sociable type. I know that. Spend any amount of time around people, you get your heart broke. Treachery, hypocrisy. Promise of love. [INT. DELL RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (The officers move into the next room.) [VIDEO] Ernie Dell: (from video) Look into the mouth of a person, and you'll find lies wriggling there like maggots waiting to grow wings. The world has gone mad. A man could kill from sunup to sunset, and still his work would never be done. (Ernie looks to the side, picks up a gun, puts it under his chin and - OFF GRISSOM: BAMM! (Grissom flinches.) THUD. (Grissom stares at the video.) (All we see is the top of Dell's bloodied head.) Officer: (o.s.) Gunfire! Let's go! (Grissom stares at the screen.) Officer: (o.s.) Not here. (The flashlight glares off the monitor as the officers approach Ernie Dell's body. The first officer there checks for a pulse.) (We hold on Grissom as he stares at the screen.)
doc_102	Narrator: America's top ghost hunters relive their most extreme assignments. (Woman screams) This house is beyond haunted. Narrator: Hardened veterans of the paranormal, these are the cases that truly tested them. There was a evil presence in that house. Woman: Oh (bleep) what the hell? Man: Dude, I got goose bumps. It's in here. Narrator: In Colorado, a ghost causes havoc at a restaurant before turning its fury at the owner. We felt genuinely physically threatened. (Screams) Narrator: In Massachusetts, an investigator is forced to confront his own worst fear. It was a horrific nightmare. (Woman screaming) Narrator: And in the great lakes, an imaginary friend turns out to be something much more sinister... Luke? ...And puts a boy in grave danger. Nothing is sacred. That's scary. Narrator: Some 30 miles northeast of Denver, Colorado, lies the small town of fort Lupton. One of the town's most popular restaurants is wholly Stromboli, the passion project of owner Melissa Rickman. Wholly Stromboli's been a dream of mine since I was about 20. Just for years, it's all I could think about. I daydreamed about it. So when I got laid off from corporate America, my husband said, "well, why don't you do it?" Narrator: The restaurant opens in 2010, and not long afterwards, mysterious and confusing things start to occur. I would walk in for the morning, set down my coffee, turn off the alarm. Come back, and my coffee was gone. And I thought, "oh, I left it in the car." Then, go out, and it's not in the car, so come back, and... There's the coffee. Wow. Okay. There's no logical explanation for that. There's -- there's none. Narrator: The activity soon intensifies. Thank you so much. (Child giggles) Oh, my god! An apparition of a little girl starts appearing in the restaurant. I hadn't had any experience prior to this with ghosts, but it's not my imagination. No, no, no, no, no. (Child giggling) Narrator: And soon, there would be no doubts. Rickman: I walked into the kitchen to talk to the sauté chef, and every pan comes just flying off the shelf. (Woman screams) And with such force. It was just foom! -- right on the floor. Oh, my god! Like, "holy cow." The chef, she was terrified. (Women screaming) It's scary. Narrator: Fearing for the safety of her staff and customers, Melissa contacts a group of paranormal investigators. Estep: Melissa called me out of her mind with worry. She wanted to get to the bottom of some of the activity that was going on there. She wanted to be able to tell her staff that they had no reason to be afraid. Narrator: Richard Estep has spent over 20 years researching claims of ghostly activity. Estep: I've learned that 90% of claims of the paranormal have no grounding, so it's very easy to say that you don't believe in ghosts and you may never encounter one. But at some point in your life, statistically, there's a chance that you will, and at that point, it's going to make you change your entire world view. Narrator: Melissa's experiences convince Richard to look into her case. Estep: I was satisfied that there was enough evidence there to merit us going on site at wholly Stromboli. Something clearly is going on. Narrator: First, Richard looks into the history of the property that houses the restaurant. Estep: The building was built in the early 1900s and owned by a local businessman named Edgar St. John. (Girl coughing) And he had a daughter named Julia who tragically is said to have died at the age of 7 of pneumonia. (Coughing continues) Narrator: Could this be the little girl that haunts the dining room and is responsible for all the activity in the restaurant? Richard assembles his team and heads to fort Lupton to find out. Estep: Most of the activity, it's in the basement, which is where the voices have been heard. And that's where I want to direct my investigation. The sounds, the echoes, and the acoustics are very, very creepy and spooky. Even I am starting to feel that there is an oppressive atmosphere down in this basement. Melissa is the focus of a lot of the activity here, so we wanted Melissa with us. Narrator: Also present is Richard's co-investigator, Robbin Daidone. I've been a paranormal investigator almost 18 years, so I've had a lot of experience. Pretty seasoned. I don't think there's much I haven't seen. There was definitely a sense when we started the investigation that there was something present, perhaps. There was a feeling of being watched. (Girl laughing) Narrator: They don't have to wait long before their feelings are vindicated. (Girl laughing) Estep: The voice of a young girl is heard. This is a voice that's laughing out of the darkness. (Girl laughing) Oh, my god. And then we started to see equipment after equipment fail. We have EMF meters, thermometers, Geiger counter failing. We had several sets of cameras fail. Batteries were reading dead. And this is classic in the paranormal field. One set of batteries fails? oh, that's a shame. Twice? huh. That's kind of odd. Three times? There is something in here that is taking this juice and is using it for its own purposes. I was a little on edge. Melissa looked a little nervous. There was definitely a feeling in the air like this may be a time for something to occur. Narrator: Gaining an energy, the activity intensifies to become physical. Something just touched me. I saw that! I saw her hood get tugged. It was like physically somebody tugged her hoodie, but, you know, there was nobody there. Something just pulled my jacket! Something just pulled me. That sent a different kind of chill through the investigative team. So now you start looking out of the corner of your eye, you start looking at every shadow with a renewed level of suspicion. (Tapping) We hear the sound of footsteps on the floor above, which would be the restaurant floor, coming down through our ceiling in the basement. (Tapping) (Tapping continues) They're childlike footsteps running across the floor. Narrator: Richard leads the team upstairs, hoping to catch a glimpse of the little-girl ghost, Julia. But when they arrive, they're shocked by what they see. Estep: This is a solid shadow figure. I've heard about them all my career. I'm seeing it. It's incredible. Genuinely taken aback. Suddenly, I see this shadow figure. I'm stunned. Rickman: Disbelief. Disbelief and "oh, my gosh. I can't believe we just saw that." Narrator: The encounter forces Richard into a troubling realization. The ghost of Julia is not the only entity haunting the restaurant. Who knows what it is, and who knows what its intentions are? Narrator: Believing the shadow has moved to the basement, the team heads back downstairs. Rickman: Immediately, people were a little bit apprehensive. There's definitely a creep factor. Estep: We start asking questions, very respectfully, "we invite any spirit that might be present to make its presence known, to talk with us." If there's someone here, please present yourself. Who are you?! Are you attached to Melissa?! Narrator: The entity doesn't want to talk. It has other, more sinister plans. I started to feel pressure in my chest, just like heavy, weighted down. Oh, god. Oh, my god. (Groans) Narrator: In a haunted restaurant in Colorado... Something just pulled my jacket! ...Paranormal investigator Richard Estep and his team have encountered an entity in the basement. Oh, god. Now owner Melissa Rickman is overwhelmed by a sinister force. I started to feel pressure in my chest, just like heavy, weighted down. Oh, god. Um, and I can't really explain why, but suddenly, I began to cry, sobbing, just sobbing uncontrollably, just the most sad feeling I've ever had. (Crying) Daidone: I was mostly concerned for her emotional well-being. I could see that she was emotionally frayed. She was just one big bundle of nerves. (Sobbing) And then that emotion transformed into anger. And suddenly, Melissa is getting very, very aggressive. (Growling) Melissa becomes someone else. (Breathing heavily) Melissa! During that time, I felt truly angry. I was -- I was pissed, and I couldn't -- I couldn't tell you why. And every time she said something, I retorted, although I didn't feel like it was me. Estep: So, as a paramedic for 14 years in emergency medical services, I've seen a number of psychotic episodes. This wasn't that. This was something that presented very, very differently and had a very different vibe to it. You shut up, you (bleep) (bleep) (Growls) I was feeling threatened. It wasn't like I was choosing to say things. It just felt like they were just coming out of my mouth. And I felt horrible. I said some things to her that I would never say. I was terrified. I was really scared. Narrator: Richard is beginning to fear that Melissa is becoming possessed. We know that it's not Melissa herself that's doing this. We know that there is something that is goading her on, that is provoking her to this type of behavior. It felt like all of the emotion in my body just welled up and exploded. And then I heard Robbin say, "her fists are clenched." She's saying, "I want to hurt you, and I want to hurt you bad." And, of course, I'm becoming concerned. I'm watching her for any sudden movement. She's only a foot or two away from me. I am gonna kill you! And Melissa was getting ready to attack. (Melissa screaming) It's completely unpredictable. It's completely out of character, and that adds an element of danger to our investigation, and we had to very quickly break that up. (Screaming) This is the first case my team has worked on where we felt genuinely physically threatened by somebody present on the scene. Very concerning, absolutely. Absolutely. So, we actually decide that we're going to wrap up the investigation earlier than we ordinarily would and help coax her back to normal. Narrator: As soon as she leaves the basement, Melissa is released from the entity's grasp. I don't remember saying half the things I said. I don't. I would've told you that that wasn't me. When words are just flying out of your mouth and you don't know why, it's pretty unnerving. My assessment of wholly Stromboli is that they have multiple entities there. We have one that appears to be a little girl. We have this older male shadow figure. It's difficult to tell what the purpose is of whatever is haunting the restaurant. Is it simply seeking attention, or is there something darker and more sinister? Narrator: To protect her from further attacks, they perform a blessing on Melissa. Out! out, demon! Begone! Whatever possessed her seems to have been removed. But the spirit of the little girl remains. Our line cooks still hear a little girl either giggling and playing or crying in the basement. (Girl giggling) I don't mind sharing the space with the tenants of the past. The building wouldn't be there if it weren't for them, so if they want to hang out, I'm all right with that. Narrator: But Richard worries that the negative entity may yet return. Right now I'm content to just monitor and watch and wait for Melissa to call me if things should take a turn for the worse again. I'm not entirely sure yet, but I do know that the last chapter in the story of the wholly Stromboli haunting has not yet been written. Narrator: Coming up, when a child's imaginary friend turns out to be something much more sinister... (Boy screaming) ...An investigator has to call in backup to save the boy. It was definitely demon-induced. (Speaking in tongues) Narrator: But first, when a young family is tormented by paranormal activity, one investigator is forced to confront his worst fears. Something was gonna grab me. (Woman screaming) Narrator: The historic town of Medway, Massachusetts, is home to Greg and Lyla Pierson. Their lives should be full of joy and happiness after celebrating the birth of their first child. But recently, troubling things have started to happen. (Baby crying) They hear a child's voice coming through the baby monitor when their child is with them. When the Piersons go to investigate... The baby's room is completely empty. (Baby crying) After establishing that they're not just picking up interference from a neighbor's baby monitor, they start to worry their child could be in danger and contact a paranormal investigator. Joe Cetrone is the founder of dark hauntings research and has been investigating the supernatural for over 15 years. He knows firsthand what it's like to be haunted by a child's spirit. Cetrone: I recall when I was younger, was laying in my bed, a child ghost came up to my bed and just kind of walked toward me, and it just stared at me. Its face was pale. Eyes were black. (Child screams) After that, I was never the same, and ever since then, I've had a phobia of child spirits. (Child screaming) So when I received the e-mail from the Pierson family, it immediately sends a shiver through me. Narrator: If Joe agrees to help the Piersons, he will have to face his greatest fear. Cetrone: I don't want to know that if I refuse the case, maybe that child is gonna go on being terrorized by something. I know how that feels. (Child screams) It, uh -- it was gonna be an experience for me, but I was willing to take that chance. Narrator: Joe heads to Medway to begin the investigation. Cetrone: When I first arrived, everything appeared to be normal from the outside. Now the question was, what was happening inside? (Baby crying) (Knock on door) I first walked in the house. Everything was fine. Nothing unusual. I didn't feel anything. But at that point, I figured it was best to just proceed with an assessment and a walk-through. Ended up in the child's room. It was a regular, normal room -- Stuffed animals, toys, crib, everything in place. I wasn't sensing anything at all. Narrator: Joe begins to think there's a more rational cause for the strange activity. Cetrone: There's many explanations as to a voice coming over a baby monitor, picking up different frequencies everywhere. Checked it, see if there was any short in the wire or something to just give me an indication that maybe there's a plausible reason why a voice is coming through that monitor, but I couldn't find anything. Narrator: Relieved he hasn't an encountered a child spirit, Joe tells the family he can find no trace of anything paranormal in the house. But that's when things changed. (Tapping) Narrator: In Massachusetts, a young family is being tormented by a child spirit. Investigator Joe Cetrone has agreed to help, despite his own fears. I've had a phobia of child spirits. Narrator: Now the activity has escalated. (Tapping) Cetrone: Out of nowhere, I hear this sound of something walking upstairs. (Tapping) And it sounded like little feet walking across. Really quick. We all looked up. I was like, "did you hear that?" I was totally, like, "what is going on here?" (Tapping continues) Then I hear a sound coming out of the baby monitor. (Child talking) We heard a child speaking through the baby monitor. But the only thing, it was -- it wasn't their child. I see the light... And I just see it turn off. Something turned that baby monitor off. I knew there was something happening. It definitely was creepy. It struck me and -- and brought me that fear. Took me back to when I was younger. [SCENE_BREAK] Boy: No! not again! It just made my skin crawl. I'm battling two things -- The fact that this family is dealing with something coming over that monitor. Simultaneously, I'm also dealing with my fears, just the fact that it might a child spirit. Boy: No! not again! Narrator: Forced to confront his own demons, Joe is rocked to the very core. But he refuses to abandon the Piersons and calls for immediate backup. Cetrone: At that point, I had my investigator come to the case with me. He said could I come down. Right away I could sense fear in his voice. There's something that he doesn't want to deal with alone. Narrator: Steve sets up his camera in the baby's room. As I was filming the room, I sensed that darkness, that -- that feeling of something's going on, and I could feel something electric in the room. Narrator: While Steve is upstairs, Joe heads into the basement. Cetrone: I set the camera up, turned it on. And that's when I felt a sense that there was something there. (Tapping) I hear the footsteps going across. I started feeling that something was gonna grab me. I don't know if it was just because of my phobias. I just kept seeing a child's face. Just that frightening image. I was scared. I felt it was playing tricks with me, a game of hide-and-seek. And at that point, I knew that it was following me. That fear escalated. That was, like, the first time that I got spooked by something I couldn't see or verify. (Child screams) (Breathing heavily) I knew it was getting to me. I was afraid of it. Narrator: Rattled, Joe radios Steve for help. I heard Joe yell my name, "Steve, come here!" And I felt that urgency. I could hear it in his voice. All right. Be there in a second. Narrator: Almost immediately, the spirit focuses its attention on Steve. Right when I turned to go walk towards the stairs, I had the chills. Narrator: On a case in Massachusetts, investigator Joe Cetrone is being tormented by his own deepest fear, a child spirit. I felt it was playing tricks with me. Narrator: Now the entity is turning its focus on fellow investigator Steve pate. Pate: As I started heading towards Joe, there was a stuffed animal, a giraffe. But I didn't think anything of it. Right when I turned to go walk towards the stairs... It came flying right at me. It flew off the shelf, hit my head. I had the chills. I could feel it. [SCENE_BREAK] I've watched a million horror movies, but that, to happen to you in real life, it's freaky. That was it. It freaked me right out. Narrator: Worried about provoking the spirit further, Joe and Steve leave the house to figure out what they're dealing with and how to get rid of it. Cetrone: I reviewed all the evidence that we possibly could. There were no orbs, there were no EVPS, there was nothing strange. Other than what had happened to us while we were there and in real-time, there was no evidence that I can gather. Narrator: When Joe returns the next day, Lyla Pierson has some chilling news. (Baby crying) She's spoken with a neighbor who told her that a young boy who lived in the house years ago tragically drowned. Cetrone: Based upon my research, if a child died prematurely or a tragic accident happened, sometimes that energy, that residual, leftover energy, that child may not be ready to move on. (Baby crying) A lot of time, they'll cling to their home, they'll cling to something that resembled its family, whether it was a mom or another child. And I started to realize, that spirit of that boy was there to watch over that child, to be part of a family. I think the child spirit wanted to stay in the house. It's like with the stuffed animal. The child didn't want me to lea-- Was letting me know he wanted to be part of that family. Narrator: Joe offers to cleanse the house, but Lyla refuses. Cetrone: She had sympathy. Her whole thoughts of it being threatening or anything dangerous to herself or her child just went away, and she says, "you know, I'm okay. I feel validated by everything." Narrator: She sees the spirit not as a threat but as a guardian angel watching over her child. She was welcoming it in, and she was okay with it. Narrator: The experience also has a profound effect on Joe. I think, for me, it did bring a little healing. I was always fearful of child spirits, but not every situation that comes up is always evil in nature or negative. And when a child-spirit case comes up again, at least I know I can go into it in a different way and not have those fears that I had. Yeah, it did that for me. Narrator: Imaginary friends are usually an innocent part of growing up. But sometimes they turn out to be something else, something evil that can threaten to take over the child completely. The quiet suburban neighborhood of Burlington, Ontario. It should be an idyllic place to grow up. But in one house, Karen Baines has become worried about her son. Luke: No! Luke? I didn't do that. (Speaking indistinctly) Luke, who are you talking to? It begins when Luke becomes obsessed with a mysterious imaginary friend that he refuses to talk about. In the basement, the family starts hearing strange footsteps and whispering voices. (Door creaking) Then Luke is beset by terrifying nightmares. Luke: Mom! What's wrong? My door's doing it. He says there's something evil out to get him. Luke? Luke? Desperate and terrified for the safety of her child, Karen reaches out to a paranormal investigator. She was panicked, she was anxious, and she wanted us in as soon as we could get there. Narrator: Michelle Desrochers has been actively investigating ghosts since 2004. A founding member of Canada's most haunted, Michelle is a veteran of over 50 cases. What I've learned about the paranormal is that things are never what they seem to be. You never really know what you're getting yourself into. Narrator: Michelle needs no persuasion to take on this investigation. Desrochers: This case was very personal to me. This was home base. This happened in my city of Burlington, literally one major street away from me. Narrator: As soon as Michelle enters the house, she senses evil. Desrochers: I felt something's not right. I felt anxious. Everything in my fiber was telling me that there was something a lot more malevolent in that house than just an everyday imaginary friend. Narrator: When a young boy gets a mysterious imaginary friend, strange and terrifying things start to happen. As soon as she gets to the house, investigator Michelle Desrochers is struck by a terrible feeling. There was something a lot more malevolent in that house than just an everyday imaginary friend or spirit. Narrator: As they tour the house, Karen tells Michelle something that makes her blood run cold. Desrochers: She said, "I hear popping sounds." Then it sounded like something was being -- Like someone took a piece of paper and went krkk! -- Ripped it behind me. (Ripping) There's a belief that demons tend to tear through the atmosphere... As they come into our dimension. Narrator: Michelle suspects these strange events are connected to Luke's imaginary friend. Desrochers: Children are the weakest link, so if something comes in, they're usually the ones that get targeted. So I says, "I understand you have a friend." And he said, "yes. He can change into a dinosaur." I'm like, "oh." It's definitely not common to hear about imaginary friends shape-shifting. That is a red flag for me. Narrator: Michelle asks how the friend came to be here. He goes, "well, I said he could come and play." There's the one answer I was waiting for -- The invitation. A demonic infestation will 90% of the time start with some kind of an invitation, and this boy made the invitation. Narrator: To have any chance of removing the entity, Michelle must revoke the invitation. She tells Luke his mother doesn't want his friend to visit anymore. He turned around and said, "you go home! You cannot stay here." I couldn't have asked for it to go better. Awesome, buddy. The invite has been revoked. Narrator: But just because the demon's been told it's not welcome doesn't mean it's going to go quietly. Desrochers: I was hugely concerned for the safety of this little boy and of this family. Narrator: Michelle heads to the basement. She sets up recording equipment to see if she can capture the sounds the family heard. In the meantime, Michelle calls in extra help. Desrochers: I brought one of my researchers along with me and one of our mediums. Narrator: Michelle leads them to Luke's bedroom. And activity started almost immediately. The psychic started picking up on different things going on, and he clearly said, "something comes out of that closet." The door, it just started -- it would just shake. Narrator: Then a drawer suddenly shoots out and strikes the researcher. Well, something is definitely trying to tell me something. Aah! Well, this is unusual. Let's get out of here. Narrator: While the team explores the rest of the house, Michelle heads back to the basement. All of a sudden, I've got a cold spot behind me. It started to intensify. It got colder. And I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable, 'cause I realize I'm not alone. I'm not alone. I hear a very low growl. At that point, I realized somebody's trying to frighten me off, and that's not gonna work. Undeterred, Michelle checks on the tape recorder. What she hears stop her cold. What I found was completely unexpected. Narrator: Investigator Michelle Desrochers and her team are doing battle with a demon that's trying to take over a young boy. Desrochers: I was hugely concerned for the safety of this little boy. Narrator: When Michelle checks her tape recorder in the basement, she's stunned by what she's captured. (Tape recorder rewinds) Phantom sounds. Narrator: Phantom sounds have no identifiable cause. I'm hearing something pick up my recorder. You could hear it fumbling with it. How would it know to go after that? It shows a degree of intelligence. I'm hearing something going up wooden stairs, walking around on old hardwood floors. There's no hardwood floors anywhere in the basement. You could hear chains being dragged across the wooden floor. Heard grunting with it, like -- (Growling) Some of the most amazing recordings that I've captured to date. Narrator: The evidence confirms Michelle's suspicion that a demon is present. Knowing the family could be in grave danger, she moves quickly to remove it. I ask our medium to do a cleansing. He had a seashell and a feather, he took dried sage leaves, and he proceeded. (Speaking in foreign language) And he basically said, "I'm asking you to leave." (Speaking in foreign language) Narrator: The cleanse appears to work, and the house goes quiet. But the peace doesn't last long. Three days later, Karen and her family endure their most terrifying experience yet. She called me, she said, "something is wrong with my son. He's not moving." I said, "call an ambulance." Luke! "I will babysit your kids so you can get your kid to the hospital." Narrator: Michelle gets to the house before paramedics can arrive. I race up to the bedroom. (Crying) He's not moving. Desrochers: I felt an energy. I absolutely felt a strong energy. Let go of this boy and leave this house. It was definitely demon-induced. I'm fighting with this thing, telling it, "you better let go." Get out of this house! "I'm done with this. You're not doing this anymore." Narrator: After an epic battle, the demon vanishes. Desrochers: He opened his eyes, he looked at me, and he said, "hi, Michelle. What are you doing here?" What are you doing here, Michelle? He sat up, gave me the biggest hug. He goes, "I need to go back to sleep now." I went, "all right." I knew, with every fiber of my being, it was definitely demon-induced. Period. Narrator: Worried the entity will return yet again, Michelle brings in a renowned demonologist to perform an exorcism on the house. We will not fear the terror, nor pestilence that stalks... She did what she called speaking in tongues, which, from what I understand, is a form of prayer, their version of an exorcism. (Speaking in tongues) She said, "I'm picking up activity over here." (Speaking in tongues) She went through the entire house banishing that demon. (Speaking in tongues) Narrator: It takes hours to complete the cleanse. But eventually, it's over. Desrochers: She got it. I mean, banished it. This thing was gone, and that house was quiet. And the next time I saw that little boy, he was just a happy-go-lucky kid. Just happy. (Sighs) Narrator: The boy soon puts the demonic encounter behind him, but it has a lasting effect on Michelle. These things are predators. It made me realize that nothing is sacred. You're not safe. You're not safe. That's scary.
doc_103	UNDERWORLD BY: BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN Part Four Running time: 22:53 [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: Cover him! TALA: Captain. JACKSON: Go on, Tala. Forward, Tala. JACKSON: Withdraw! JACKSON: Come on, pull! There we are. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Quickly now. Stay calm. Everybody stay quite calm. Calm. K9, back to the ship. Check all the systems. We're leaving in a hurry. K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: There must be another way back to the Oracle. Jackson? Jackson, can you and the crew hold them off? JACKSON: We'll certainly mount an attack, Doctor. DOCTOR: Good. Leela? LEELA: Hmm? DOCTOR: You come with me. LEELA: I'm staying to fight. DOCTOR: You'll come with me. Idas, you too. Have you got a sword? IDMON: Take care, son. Take care. DOCTOR: Jackson. Right, Jackson. JACKSON: Ready. Now! [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: Forward. RASK: Security. They're driving us back. DOCTOR: This way. LEELA: No. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: Something's there. DOCTOR: What? DOCTOR: Where does that lead? IDAS: I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] RASK (OOV.): They are too strong for us! I need reinforcements. TARN: Hold them. You must hold them. LAKH: I order you to stand and fight. We must protect the Oracle. RASK (OOV.): But Master, we cannot hold for very much LAKH: No excuses! Stand and fight. HERRICK: There's no stopping us now. A hundred thousand years of searching, General. There's no stopping us now. I smell victory. ANKH: Wait. Let us consider which is more important, the Oracle or these cylinders. LAKH: The Oracle. ANKH: Then should we not give them what they want and let them depart? LAKH: But what they want does not exist. ANKH: The Oracle will know. Why should we destroy each other? LAKH: Very well. ANKH: These cylinders you speak of, tell us what they look like. If they are indeed here, you shall have them and take them to your comrades. HERRICK: You would set me free? ANKH: Yes. HERRICK: Well, there are two of them. Solid gold, stamped with the mark of Minyos, the length of a man's hand. ANKH: Good. LAKH: Tell Rask to arrange a truce. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor, we're here. Look. [SCENE_BREAK] ANKH: The intruders are defeating us. They will destroy us, destroy you, unless they are given these cylinders. ORACLE: Then shall not they be destroyed by that which they so desperately desire? ANKH: Can it be done? ORACLE: Cannot all things be done? [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: They have given up without a fight. DOCTOR: Yes, it certainly seems like it. LEELA: Why? DOCTOR: I don't know. DOCTOR: Let's take a look. [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: No return of fire. What's going on? ORFE: There are two of them. JACKSON: No, wait. Could be a trick. Be ready. RASK: I have been ordered to speak with you. JACKSON: Surrender? RASK: Truce. JACKSON: On what terms? RASK: The terms are that you take what you came for and depart, leaving us to our way. If not, your comrade will be executed. JACKSON: What comrade? Herrick is dead. RASK: You think so, Captain? HERRICK: I got them. The Quest is over. The Quest is over. HERRICK: The Quest is over. JACKSON: At last. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Stay here. ORACLE: What is it that you want? DOCTOR: The cylinders. The race bank of the Minyans. ORACLE: Have they not been given? DOCTOR: Well, that's what I'm asking. ORACLE: Who are you to dare question my word? DOCTOR: Well, who do I have to be to dare question your word? I'll give you a clue, shall I? If it wasn't for my people, you wouldn't have seen the light of day. ORACLE: People? What people? DOCTOR: The ones the Minyans call the gods. ORACLE: Gods? There are no gods but me. Have I not created myself? Do I not rule? Am I not all-powerful? DOCTOR: Well, yes, here you are, yes, but nowhere else. You're just another machine with megalomania. Another insane object, another self-aggrandising artefact. You're nothing. Nothing but a mass of superheated junk with delusions of grandeur. ORACLE: Nothing? Am I not the keeper of the race bank? DOCTOR: What did you say? ORACLE: I am the keeper. DOCTOR: Ah ha! Then you've still got them. ORACLE: I am the keeper. DOCTOR: Keeper? You're nothing but a box, and I've got the key. (to Idas) Give me that. ORACLE: Destroy! Destroy! ORACLE: No! Destroy! LEELA: Doctor, they're coming. Come on! ORACLE: Destroy! LEELA: Doctor, leave it! Come on! ORACLE: Destroy! LEELA: Doctor, hurry! Come on now! ORACLE: Destroy him! LEELA: Hurry, Doctor! DOCTOR: Almost there. LEELA: Hurry, they're coming. ORACLE: Destroy him! LEELA: Doctor! ORACLE: Destroy! Destroy! Destroy! Destroy! Destroy him! DOCTOR: No hard feelings. LEELA: Come on! ORACLE: Destroy him! ANKH: After them. They must not meet the others. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Which way? Which way? DOCTOR: They know this place better than we do. IDAS: The tunnels! Through there. They'll never find us through there. [SCENE_BREAK] TARN: They've reached tunnel seven, Master. ANKH: Good. Close it down and collapse it. [SCENE_BREAK] IDAS: Quickly, through here. This was formed by the last skyfall. We should be safe in here. LEELA: Safe? LEELA: What are you doing? DOCTOR: I'm just wondering what they've given Jackson. [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: The Quest is over. Set course for Minyos Two. K9, how do we stand for launch? K9: Fuel absorption incomplete. TALA: We've enough to get away, but it'll be a slow journey. HERRICK: I say we go. ORFE: We've got what we came for. JACKSON: Right, prepare to launch. K9: Negative. JACKSON: What? K9: Personnel incomplete. Doctor and the mistress not on board. JACKSON: Find them. Tell them we're going. Now! K9: Affirmative. [SCENE_BREAK] IDAS: We're trapped. Don't you understand, Doctor? We're trapped. LEELA: Yes, we're going to be here for ever. DOCTOR: No. They'll come and dig us out. LEELA: Who? DOCTOR: Well, whoever it was buried us. LEELA: Why should they bother? DOCTOR: Because we've got something it wants. The Oracle, remember? [SCENE_BREAK] ANKH: The cylinders must be replaced. Order a party of slaves to tunnel seven. TARN: And the bodies of the intruders, Master? ANKH: Into the crusher. [SCENE_BREAK] TALA: Five, four, three, two, one. ORFE: Secondary check complete. JACKSON: Third and final check. Commence countdown. Come on, Doctor, come on. ORFE: Forty to launch. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What kept you, K9? K9: Gratitude is unnecessary. Speed is vital. [SCENE_BREAK] ORFE: Ten, nine JACKSON: Run up on drive. ORFE: Eight. TALA: Drive running. ORFE: Seven, six. JACKSON: Pressurise. ORFE: Five, four, three, two JACKSON: Prepare to blast out. ORFE: One. DOCTOR (OOV.): Stop! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Here are your race banks. JACKSON: (coming down the stairs) Then what are those? DOCTOR: That's what I intend to find out. DOCTOR: K9, what do you make of these? K9: Analysis indicates fission grenades. DOCTOR: What? K9: Do not proceed. Impossible to defuse. Explosive contents in excess of two thousand megatons. DOCTOR: Two thousand megatons? JACKSON: How much time have we got? DOCTOR: I don't know. JACKSON: What are we going to do? DOCTOR: I think I'd better get rid of them, don't you? K9: Affirmative. LEELA: Doctor, wait! [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Which way did he go? IDAS: I don't know. LEELA: He may have need of us. We'll try this way. [SCENE_BREAK] ORACLE: Why? Why have they not been found? ANKH: The slaves are digging. ORACLE: Shall they not be found? Are they not my purpose? LAKH: They shall be found. It shall be done. [SCENE_BREAK] IDAS: It's no good. We've lost him. LEELA: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Excuse me, I'm a stranger here myself. Could you direct me to the Oracle? RASK: Guards! I'll take those, Doctor. DOCTOR: What, those? I wouldn't if I were you. They won't do you any RASK: Give them here. You, take care of him. And make sure you finish him off this time. Then bring this lot back to the Citadel. DOCTOR: You're making a terrible mistake. Those are the wrong ones. RASK: You can do better than that, Doctor. DOCTOR: Ah, well, er. DOCTOR: Look, getting rid of me isn't going to solve anything. Those cylinders were bombs. Why don't we just wait a few minutes and then we can all go together, hmm? LEELA: Doctor! Doctor, are you all right? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I think so. Come on, let's get out of here. We've got no time. Tell them they've got no time. IDAS: Listen to me! The prophecy's being fulfilled. Our god has come to save us. We can escape to the stars. Hurry! LEELA: We must hurry! IDAS: Yes, come on, come on. LEELA: Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] TARN: You have found them. Well done, Rask. Quickly. ANKH: They have been found. ORACLE: Replace them, quickly. ORACLE: They must never leave my keeping again. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Quiet! Quiet, everyone. Come on, here. DOCTOR: Now listen to me. I want you to stay calm, and when I say, go quickly but quietly. Ready? Take this little one. Off you go now. Come on. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Come on, come on. Plenty of room for everyone. Everything's going to be all right. All right, all right. JACKSON: What's going on? Get off, all of you. Off the ship! Get out! DOCTOR: What are you doing? Never mind that! JACKSON: What are you doing? We can't take all these people! DOCTOR: No! Come on. JACKSON: We can't. We're too low on fuel. DOCTOR: This planet's going to explode. JACKSON: Then get them off. Get off! DOCTOR: Why? JACKSON: I must safeguard the race bank. DOCTOR: Why? JACKSON: Why? The future of our people. DOCTOR: Listen, Jackson. This is your people. This is your race. Descendents of the people who came on the P7E. JACKSON: But we can't take the extra weight. DOCTOR: Look this planet is going to explode, Jackson. Your only hope is to go, and go now. Go, Jackson, go! DOCTOR: Right. Sit down, everybody. Sit down. Now, stay very calm. [SCENE_BREAK] HERRICK: Outer section sealed. JACKSON: Run up on drive. TALA: Drive running. JACKSON: Pressurise. ORFE: Check. JACKSON: Prepare to blast out. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Get down. Right down, right down. [SCENE_BREAK] TARN: They've cleared the surface. Not long now and they'll all be blown to bits. [SCENE_BREAK] ORACLE: These are not the cylinders! Get rid of them or we shall all be destroyed. ANKH: Where? ORACLE: Get rid of them! Get rid of them! ANKH: But where? There's no time. ORACLE: Get rid of them! Get rid of them! ANKH: We can't. ORACLE: Then defuse them! ANKH: How? [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: More power! TALA: I'm trying. ORFE: We're falling back. JACKSON: More power! TALA: There is no more. ORFE: The planet's gravity's pulling us back, sir. DOCTOR: Everything all right, Jackson? TALA: We don't have enough power to reach escape velocity. JACKSON: You know why, don't you, Doctor? It's the extra weight, isn't it, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh, come on, Jackson, be brave. Sit down. [SCENE_BREAK] ANKH: It is not possible. ORACLE: Why? Why? LAKH: You made it so. ORACLE: Then I have failed in my duty, and deserve destruction. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: There she goes. If you wanted power, Jackson, get ready to ride out the blast. ORFE: We made it! JACKSON: Speed? TALA: Four sevenths light. JACKSON: Course? ORFE: One two zero, sir. JACKSON: How long to Minyos Two? HERRICK: Three hundred and seventy years, sir. That's nothing, is it? JACKSON: Doctor! DOCTOR: Yes? JACKSON: Aren't you coming with us to Minyos Two? DOCTOR: No, no, no time. I'm very busy. Goodbye, Jason. ORFE: Goodbye. HERRICK: Goodbye! [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Hmm? LEELA: Why did you call him Jason? DOCTOR: Who? LEELA: Jackson. DOCTOR: What? I called Jackson Jason? LEELA: Yes. Is Jackson Jason? DOCTOR: No, Jackson isn't Jason. LEELA: Well, is Jason Jackson? DOCTOR: No, no, no. Jason was another captain on a long quest. LEELA: I don't understand. DOCTOR: Ah. He was looking for the Golden Fleece. LEELA: Did he find it? DOCTOR: Yes, yes. He found it hanging on a tree at the end of the world. Perhaps those myths are not just old stories of the past, you see, but prophecies of the future. Who know? What do you think, K9? K9: Negative. DOCTOR: What did he say? LEELA: Negative. DOCTOR: Negative? Can he paint? Hmm? Negative. LEELA: Negative.
doc_104	Degrassi Community School (Toby and JT are heading in.) Toby: 28 hours, 14 minutes, 7 seconds. 28 hours, 14 minutes... JT: Would you stop with the countdown please? Toby: Sure, you've got Parents' Day in the bag. JT: What? Ok, you Einstein. Me, brain-dead. Toby: I mean, your parents aren't homesuidal maniacs. JT: I thought Kate and Jeff were getting along great. Toby: I'm not talking about Kate. JT: Whoa. Your mom's coming tomorrow? Oh, man. I should sell tickets. Remember that time at camp when they both came to pick you up? Toby: Don't remind me. JT: Can't you just ask your mom not to come? Toby: Sure, if I want to start a nuclear custody war. JT: Maybe they won't start screaming this time. Toby: Yeah. Maybe Mr. Armstrong will your parents about the "D" on your last math test. JT: How much time do we have left? Toby: 28 hours, 13 minutes, and 17 seconds. 28 hours, 13 minutes, and 16 seconds. 28 hours, 13 minutes, and 15 seconds. Hall Toby: The way it works now is perfect. Every other weekend with my mom, the rest of the time with my dad. And as long as they don't have to talk to each other, everything's fine. JT: Sorry, man. I didn't know it was that serious. Toby: Yeah, well, it is that serious. JT: Hey, we could contaminate the water foundations with E coli, that way they'd have to shut down the school, right? Toby: There probably is E coli in the foundations. Mr. S: (as he's taking a drink) Actually, we test our water on a daily basis, boys. It's fine. (Bell rings.) Mr. Simpson's homeroom Mr. S: Ok guys, quiet down. (JT and Toby come in behind him) We don't have Ashley today, but we do have this week's News About Kids broadcast. Emma: Uh, NAK again. Mr. S: Em? Something you wanna share? Emma: No, Mr. Simpson. (She sits down) (Mr. Simpson turns on the tv. The NAK people appear on screen.) Ryan: Hi, I'm Ryan, and this is Nicole. And welcome to NAK: News About Kids. Today we'll be talking about that infests major cities everywhere Nicole: And we're not talking cockroaches, we're talking squeegee kids. Ryan: Stalking street corners, waiting to pounce on un suspecting cars. (Shows footage as he talks). Hijacking your hard-earned cash to waste on drugs and tattoos. (Shows Emma watching.) Nicole: Are squeegee kids legit or lazy? Are they using their "cool" trend for today's media saturated youth? Mr. S: Remember guys, you're here for media studies after lunch. (The students leave for class.) Manny: Em, it was just a TV show. Liberty: Squeegee kids are very annoying. Emma: No, squeegee kids are poor. They live on the street and wash windows. It's their living. Liberty: My father says that if another one of those ragamuffins tries to dirty up his window, he'll call the mayor. He knows the mayor. (Liberty walks away.) Emma: Last week NAK told us to join the army. What's tomorrow? A hole in the O-Zone is good because it makes a better tan? Imagine being a squeegee kid. Out in the cold, no school, no parents. Toby: No parents? Emma: Toby this isn't a joke. (Starts to walk backwards, so she bumps into Sean.) Manny: He stared right at you. Emma: Yeah, because I bumped right into him. Girls' Washroom (Ashley is at the mirror looking at her face. Paige and Terri come in.) Paige: Oh, here we go again. Ashley: Here we go what again? Paige: Every time NAK claims your airspace, you go all manic-depressive. Ashley: That is so not true. I just- look at this zit! Terri: That's a pore and Paige has a point. Ashley: Terri... Terri: I don't get why you gets so bothered. Everybody loves your morning announcements. Even Heather Sinclair said you were better than those lame-o NAK hosts. Paige: Oh, yeah, big accomplishment. They're total freaks. Terri: Heather even has an agent. You could totally get an agent. Paige: Heather Sinclair has an agent? With that overbite? Terri: See? Ashley's got the look and tv experience. It's perfect. Paige: Where would Ashley find an agent? Ashley: Guys, Toby is mom's a casting agent. Terri, you rock! (Ashley and Terri leave the bathroom. Paige stays behind to wash her hands. She is not happy.) Outside Toby: JT, come on. We've got to come up with an anti-parents plan. JT: What does it look like I'm doing? Toby: Uh, playing the seeds for a massive heart attack? JT: To plot evil, I need energy (Ashley + Terri come up to them) Ashley: Hey. Just the person I was looking for. Your mom's a casting agent, right? Toby: Yeah, so? Terri: So, is she coming to Parents' Day? Toby: Thank you, for reminding me. Ashley: Is that a yes? Toby: Yeah, why? Ashley: No reason. (They walk away.) JT: What was that about? Toby: I have no idea. (They go to a table where Manny and Emma are.) Manny: It's not like people really think about it. Emma: That's the thing. They don't us to think. They want us to become brain-dead NAK robots. Toby: What's with her? Manny: NAK rage, kind of like road rage. Emma: And the announcements? They have commercials. They're trying to buy our bran loyalty in homeroom. JT: Emma, who are you talking to? Emma: I could talk, or I could take action. (Emma leaves.) JT: Imagine being her for a day. Hall (Spinner is walking and talking with Paige.) Spinner: Ok, so then the guy goes, "What are you going to do for a face when the monkey wants its butt back?" (He laughs, but she doesn't.) What? You don't get it? The guy has a face like a monkey's butt? Paige: Spinner, do you think Ashley's prettier than me? Spinner: What? Paige: Because she's thinking about getting an agent (they sit down). Spinner: Oh, Ashley's getting an agent? I could totally see her on TV. Paige: What? And you couldn't see me? Spinner: I didn't say that. Paige: So you think that I could get an agent too, right? Spinner: Uh, yeah. Sure, why not? Ok, back to my joke. So then the guy goes...wait, is that the right word? Yeah, no, yeah, yeah. So, then the guy goes... (While he's talking, Paige isn't listening) Mr. Raditch's Office Emma: Mr. Raditch, could I talk to you about this morning's NAK broadcast? Mr. R: I'm all ears. Emma: NAK is totally bias. This morning they tell us squeegee kids suck, and then they tell us which running shoes to buy? It's wrong. Mr. R: How you seen the new computers in the Media Immersion lab? 18 computers thanks to NAK. In exchange, we show their morning broadcasts. Emma: Whatever they want to report? (Mr. R nods.) Emma: But that's bribery. Mr. R: No, it's 18 new computers we wouldn't have otherwise. Parents voted for it. And remember, not everyone at Degrassi has a computer at home. But, if you feel strongly about it, write an opinion piece. Make sure you get it in by 4:00. Make the Parents' Day addition. Emma: 4:00 today? Mr. R: Think you can do it? (The bell rings. Emma nods as she leaves.) Hall (Ashley and Terri are leaving class.) Ashley: So, I signed us up for the welcoming committee, Teri. Which means, I'll be the first person Toby's mother sees. Terri: Great. Paige: Unless she sees me first. Ashley: What? Paige: Well, I am helping out tomorrow. Ashley: Since when? Paige: Ashley, you asked me like, 3 weeks ago to volunteer, remember? Anyway, see you two later. Media Immersion. Manny: I can't believe the principal is asking you to do this. You're like, attacking the school. Emma: I know. It's very cool. (They go to sit down, but Sean's stuff is in a seat.) Manny: I'll stand. (Emma nods and sits down.) Emma: Ok, so let's try to imagine. You're a squeegee kid. Manny: Ok. I'm a squeegee kid. Emma: So how does it feel being compared to a cockroach? Manny: I'd say, "Hey, preppy kids. Get off my case. We're people, too." Sean: Oh, please. Emma: Could... We need the chair. (Sean gets up and leaves.) Emma: Talk about negative energy. Another part of Media Immersion Toby: Emma's right. I could whine or I could do something about Parents' Day. JT: Ok, so, what are you going to do? Toby: Convince my parents there's no need to show up. Ok, I downloaded the logo from the Degrassi website. Then, I scanned Mr. Simpson's signature from the last newsletter he sent home. It's a masterpiece. JT: Masterpiece or insanity. OK, your parents don't have to come because of your exemplary performance in all of your scholastic pursuits. What? Toby: Translation: I'm acing school. It's all in the details, my friend. This'll work. It has to. Hall (Emma is running to the newspaper office to hand in her story.) Emma: (knocks on the door) Liberty, my NAK editorial. I just finished. Liberty: (checking her watch) You're 17 minutes late. Emma: I'm sorry. Liberty: The Grapevine deadline is 4 P.M. I'm trying to run a professional operation. Emma: Even professional newspapers give extensions. It's 17 minutes. Liberty: I suppose I could make an exception for you. But, please try not to get used to it. Remember, as editor, I'm only as strong as my weakest link. (Emma gives her the disk and leaves.) Kerwin House (Toby is in the kitchen with his dad.) Toby: I was shocked more than anyone. Who knew I was doing so well? You know, this transfer to Degrassi has really... Jeff: "Uplifted Toby's grade classification to a premium standard." Interesting choice of words from Mr. Simpson. Toby: Well, you know, he's a computer guy. Writing isn't really his thing. Jeff: Neither is spelling. Two E's in premium. What's going on? Toby: Nothing's going on. Jeff: You don't want me to go to Parents' Day? Toby: I didn't say that. Jeff: You didn't need to. Are you doing that badly in school or what? Talk to me Toby. Toby: Mom called, ok? She wants to go tomorrow. Jeff: And she didn't even tell me. That is so typical of your mother. Toby: See? You guys can't even be in the same room without freaking out. Jeff: Toby. We're on much better terms now. It's not like it used to be. So, what you don't want to go? Toby: I want you to go and I want her to go. I just don't want the two of you to go there... together. Jeff: Hey, come on buddy. Everything's going to be fine. No fights. Promise. (Holds up his hand) Degrassi's Parents' Day (As parents head inside, the camera closes up on a sign that says "Welcome Parents to D.S.C Parents Day".) [SCENE_BREAK] Girls Washroom. (Ashley and Terri are in there. Ashley is trying to put on eyeliner.) Ashley: Look at me. I'm shaking. You do it. (Gives it to Terri, but Terri pokes her in the eye) Ow! Be careful. It's my eye. It's what I see with. Terri: Sorry. I'm not good at this. Paige: Ladies. (She comes out a stall wearing a yellow sparkly top that's very short) Ashley: What are you wearing? Paige: It's Parents Day. I have the right to look fabulous, don't I? Ashley: For who, the parents? Or Toby's mom? Paige: See you out there. (Paige leaves, then Ashley and Terri follow.) Hall (Toby and Jeff are waiting for Toby's mom.) Toby: Guess she forgot. Jeff: You know your mother. We'll give her two more minutes. Hey, tobs, it'll be fine. Ashley: Mrs. Demcowski? Room 102. Man: Thank you. (Toby's mom comes up to them.) Terri: Hi, can I help you? Ashley: Uh, Terri, this is Toby's mom, the casting agent. Welcome to Degrassi, Ms. Issacs. Annemarie: Hi. Paige: Can I just say that that is a great outfit? So avante garde. Annemarie: Thank you. Wholt Rentthrough. On Sale. Toby: Hi, mom. Annemarie: Hey, tiger. I'm sorry I'm late. Jeff: Annemarie. Flat tire? Annemarie: I could Toby that I might beheld up at work. Parents Day isn't over already, is it? Jeff: No, no. We'd better get moving though. Paige: Paige Michalchuk. It's very nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you. Ashley: Smooth, Michalchuk. I bet you're on the next flight to Hollywood. Paige: Hon, I'd re-think the eyeliner. You're looking a little washed out. Media Immersion. (Toby and his parents are in there, meeting with Mr. Simpson.) Mr. S: Uh, there's no doubt Toby is a bright kid, but, uh, he has trouble with details, particularly his spelling, some of the basic points of grammar. This tends to bring down his marks. For example, in Media Immersion, Toby could be at the top of his class if he just applied himself. Toby: "Apply" is such a relative term. Mr. S: Toby, come on. Your last media assignment was 3 days late. He's just not getting the results he should for someone so bright. Annemarie: 3 days late? Jeff: First I've heard of it. Toby? Annemarie: Jeff, I'm talking to you. This is Parents Day. You're the parent. Jeff: We're both the parents here and we'll discuss it later, ok? Annemarie: We will discuss it now. Why aren't you helping Toby get his work in on time? Why is he under achieving? Jeff: Toby and I will work it out. Thanks for bringing it to our attention. Hall Spike: I am so proud of you. Rave review after rave review. Emma: Mom, my editorial. (Tracker and Sean come out of a room.) Tracker: So you have to watch this video every morning? Free computers are free computers, man. What idiot wrote this? Emma: Excuse me, I wrote that. Tracker: Oh, sorry. Emma: Don't look at her. It's my piece and I'm right. Students shouldn't be force fed advertising while we're at school. If you don't get it, you're the idiot. Spike: Emma... Sean: Look, it's not that serious. Emma: What? Expressing my opinion isn't important? Sean: That's all my brother's trying to do. Emma: I could tell, and he's wrong. Tracker: I'm wrong? Tell me Emma, is it fair or is it wrong that Sean here is falling behind in school because we can't afford a computer? Emma: He can do his homework here. Tracker: What? Yeah, on the free computers. Emma: If you read the entire article, you would know... Tracker: That it's a piece of garbage. Emma: It is not garbage! Tracker: (crumples it up) Looks like garbage to me. Smells like garbage. Sean: Tracker, man... Tracker: All I'm saying is there is two sides to every story. Try to remember that next time. (Tracker and Sean leave.) Media Immersion. Mr. S: It was only once, but still, skipping a class even once at this grade level. Annemarie: What is going on here? Toby: One class. I got carried away in the computer lab. Annemarie: I thought moving in with you and June Clever was supposed to be good for Toby's grades, wasn't that the point? Jeff: What are you saying? Toby: Dad, come on. Annemarie: I'm saying that maybe we need to reassess Toby's living arrangements. Jeff: Don't threaten me. Annemarie: Hey that's your game. Jeff: What? And breaking commitments is yours? That's why Toby lives with me. Mr. S: Mr. and Mrs. Issacs. These are common problems for many students. Annemarie: So it's my fault? Jeff, let's not get into the reasons why I left, ok? Jeff: Reasons why you left? There's only one reason, Annemarie. Your career. Your career that meant so much more to you than we ever did. That's why Toby lives with me and he'll never.... Toby: Mom! Dad! Yeah, my assignment was late! Who's to blame? Video games! I'm telling you, they're destroying my generation. Annemarie: Toby, this isn't a joke. Toby: I'm not joking, ok? I don't have an excuse, but Dad can't do my homework for me or make sure I go to class. It's my life, right? So, it's my problem. Stop blaming each other and then using me as another excuse to argue. It's not fair. I'll try harder. I promise. Mr. S: Moving on. All right then. Let's take a look at some of the recent test results. Hall Ashley: Hey. How did it go in there? Jeff: Oh, it went okay. Toby just has to apply himself more. Annemarie: Yeah, we're gonna make sure he does his homework on time. But, it went okay. Paige: Toby, hon, that's so great. Annemarie: Honey, listen. I've gotta run. Toby: Gotta get back to work, huh? Annemarie: Yeah. But, hey, listen. Your message came in loud and clear back there. Toby, I'm really sorry. All this stuff between your dad and me, it's tough. Toby: I know. Annemarie: I love you so much. (They hug) Ashley, you have my permission to keep this monkey in line. Ashley: Oh, I will. Don't you worry. And it was a pleasure to see you again. An absolute joy. By the way- Paige: (gives Annemarie a picture of herself) Something to remember me by. (Annemarie sees Terri and gives Terri her card.) Annemarie: If you're interested in acting, give me a call. You have an interesting look. (Toby's mom leaves. Paige isn't happy that Terri got the card.) Classroom (Sean is in there doing work. Emma comes in. He moves his stuff so she can sit down. Emma sends Sean a message apologizing about what happened on Parents Day. The computer tells him he has a new message. He opens it and reads it.) Sean: I'm sorry too. Emma: I'm a little outspoken. It runs in the family. Sean: Maybe it's contagious. Did you hear my brother? Emma: "Looks like garbage." Sean: "Smells like garbage." It wasn't garbage. Emma: Thanks. Hall (Toby is walking when Mr. Simpson comes up to him.) Mr. S: Toby. Can I speak with you for a minute? Listen, yesterday.... Toby: I just want to apologize again for my parents' behavior. Mr. S: Oh, Toby, it wasn't your fault. Are they always like that? Toby: Only when they're together. Honestly Mr. Simpson, yesterday was good. It cleared a lot of air. Mr. S: I'm glad. Oh, listen, before I forget, next time you want to forge my signature, maybe you should spell my name correctly, and erase the file from the server. Toby: Mr. Simpson, I can explain. Mr. S: Good, why don't you start with a 10 page essay on why it's wrong to falsify documents, say by, um, tomorrow morning. And you know what? One final thing. Good work yesterday. Your parents should be proud of you. I certainly was.
doc_105	You call it madness but I call it love Derek: Shhh, shhh. Lucas: I guess I have my answer Derek: I can't believe he actually left. I would never give up on you that easily, you hear me ? Our love is forever. Nathan: So, when you took your boot off, was it all ... ? Haley: Ohhh, it was like Teen Wolf. Seriously I got to use three razor blades. Nathan: Nice. I'm proud of you Hales. My girl went strong to be rehap by prom. Haley: Yeah. Well at least everything will be perfect tonight. Nathan: Ohhh we gotta stop saying that ! Whitey: When did the chaperon's been prettier than the prom queen ? Dan: Thanks, but I'm with someone ! Karen: Oh, hi Whitey. You look handsome. Whitey: Thank you. Karen: I'd better get to see if Principal Turner needs anything. Whitey: What the hell are you doing ? Dan: I'm making the rest of you guys look bad. Whitey: Years ago I watched you screw up Karen's life. I'm not gonna allow history to repeat itself. Dan: And yet you've been trying to make that tux work since the seventies. Whitey: I'll be watching you Danny. Nathan: I think, I think the [...] snapped. Maybe it's the, the thingamajig. Haley: Can i please call Lucas now ? Nathan: Yeah. Haley: Ugh, I have no signal. Nathan: Oh great ! Well, there's a convenient store about a mile up ahead, I'll just walk there and call for a ride I guess, you can stay. Haley: No, thank you, a pregnant girl in a prom dress with a broken down car is how urban legends get started I'm coming with you. Nathan: What about your leg ? Haley: It'll be a good test come on ! The Clerk: This is the final boarding call for flight 121, service to New Orleans. Derek: Oh good, good, you're awake. I'm sorry about the sedative but there were just so many last minute details. I missed you Peyton, so much. Oh God, I missed that smell ! You're probably wondering how I got out of jail. Miss Sawyer ? Detective Wilcox here. We just call and let you know we have your stalker in custody. Yeah ? You know I've had a lot of time to think about what went wrong with us last time. A girl like you needs romance. I get that now. So that's why you and I are gonna have our own private prom, just the two of us. GENERIC Brooke: Hey. Lucas: Hey, I'm so sorry to hear about your dress. I had no idea. Brooke: It's ok I got most of it off now and when you blacklight me it just says 'who'. Lucas: Oh. Brooke: So, where is she anyway ? Lucas: I went over to her house to pick her up and she won't even open the door. I guess she's not coming. Brooke: Hey, I need to leave for a little while. Mouth: Sure, where are we going? Right, take it easy on the turns. My grandpa Mel [...] the suspension. Brooke: Ok. Hey I'll be back in time for my coronation . Mouth: Are they still voting for Prom Queen? Brooke: Yeah but, it's really just a formality. Derek: You know, the hardest part about the night we broke up, it wasn't your betrayal, it wasn't even falling out of a second story window, no. The hardest part was losing my photos and now I have to start it all over. Smile Peyton. Peyton: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Nathan: Thanks for picking us up mom. Deb: Just think I couldn't have done this a month ago, maybe, I just would have spent a lot more time on the sidewalk! Oh, pretend I'm not here. Nathan: Sorry. This isn't exactly how I wanted to start our romantic prom night. Haley: It's ok, you know after everything we've been through in the past year, your mom taking us to prom feels pretty good. Nathan: Kinda like we're kids again? Haley: Yeah. You know maybe tonight we don't have to be married and pregnant, we can just be teenagers. Nathan: Well in that case, what's you curfew? Derek: Lucas! Peyton: You've reached Peyton's voicemail. Congratulations. Lucas: Hey Peyton, this isn't right. You're the one I wanna be with tonight, prom and all ... so call me ok? Please. Principal Turner: Miss Gatina! You know that you're not allowed on school grounds? Rachel: What are you gonna do expel me? Principal Turner: Don't make me call the police. Rachel: Fine. All right, I've got a limo, and a fully stuffed mini bar, who's with me? This school sucks. Mouth: Rachel, wait. I'm coming with you. Rachel: What about Brooke? Mouth: If she were here she'd do the same thing, it's what friends do. Rachel: See you Turner! Oh, expect a call from my lawyer about the sexual harassment. Principal Turner: She's kidding Dan: Relax Turner. You need a drink and in fact I confiscated this flask from one of your students. Gimme a minute Karen. Derek: It's time for our first dance. This song is special. I made it from your podcasts. I hope you see now how much thought I put into tonight. It's why I couldn't have you going to prom with Lucas. And afterwards, giving yourself to him. I couldn't allow that Peyton, you belong to me. We're gonna have the perfect prom, and afterwards we're gonna go up to your bedroom, and have the perfect prom night. Well another tex from Lucas, let's see what it says. Ohhh, I'm so sorry, please talk to me, prom sucks without you. Let's reply: sorry, running late, wait for me. Hugs and kisses. Is that emoticon too much you think? Ohhh, what the hell, semi-colon and close parentheses. Lucas: Hey, Glenda you look great! Glenda: Thank you! So I guess I'm not the only one alone at prom. Maybe Lucas Scott really is a Goth at heart. Lucas: ugh, Peyton is on the way, finally! But you know, I could use company until she gets here. Glenda: Good, cause I could use someone help me pretend I'm above of those prom stuff. Lucas: Ok. Nathan: Hey, good news. Nobody's using the DW not I car tonight so it's all ours. Haley: Sweet! Nathan: You're ready to dance? Haley: Definitely. Definitely not! I think I failed the test. Nathan: Ok. Sit down. It's alright. Haley: no, it's not ok. Aren't you the guy that always said at some point you just gotta deal with the pain? Nathan: Yeah, well, I'm an idiot. I'm gonna get you some punch ok? Here. Haley: Thank you. Ouhh honey, that ain't punch! Student: Noooot bad huh? Yeah... They [...] my flask when I came in, then I went to plan B, so it's all [...] Nathan: You spiked the punch? Student: Dude, it's prom! Nathan: My wife is pregnant, you idiot! Student: Dude, it's prom! Haley: Dude, It's prom. [SCENE_BREAK] Glenda: Hey, you see that guy over there? He's got the key to a room at the Holiday in, and a box of wine cooling in the mini fridge. Lucas: You do this a lot? Glenda: Helps killing time when you live on the sidelines. Ok it's your turn. Lucas: She's wondering if she should forgive the guy for being an ass for the last seventeen years. Glenda: Your mom, right? Lucas: Yeah. And daddy. Brooke: Come one Peyton, your car is in the driveway I know you're home! Ok Peyton, your curling iron is still on so if you're tryna make it look like you're not here at least make it convincing! Great. Hide in your creepy basement because you know I hate it! Too bad, I'm coming down anyway. Oh my God. Derek: Well, well, Brooke Davis. One kiss wasn't enough so you came by for a second? Brooke: Get of me! Peyton: Brooke! Mouth: What happened I thought you were leaving tonight? Rachel: My flight got delayed by a few hours. Just enough time to crash the bal. Mouth: Well we hang out and then I take you back at the airport. Rachel: You sure? I mean it's your prom night. Mouth: Yeah but it's your last night! Besides prom just makes me think about Shelly. Rachel: Alright Mouth, talk to me. Mouth: I can't stop thinking about her. Her eyes, her smile, those little freckles on the small of her back... Rachel: Hang on? The small of her back? The clean teen gave it up! Nice work! Mouth: Yeah, so nice she never wants to see me again. Rachel: You're welcome to the rest of your life. s*x changes everything. Mouth: You know what, let's not talk about Shelly. This is you and I what do you wanna do? Rachel: I wanted to deflower you, but I guess I'm too late for that. I wanna do what you wanna do! Mouth: I wanna get Shelly back! Rachel: Except that! Shelly is nuts, and this is coming from a girl who has seen a lot of nuts! Mouth: I know but, she made me feel dangerous you know? Like I was more than myself. Rachel: Mouth, quit talking about Shelly! Mouth: Yeah, I'm boring you. Rachel: No. you're making me jealous. Glenda: So, when do I get the next chapter of your book? Or is that your strategy? Get me hooked and leave me hanging? Lucas: No, that's not it. The truth is I'm stuck! On the day my uncle Keith died. Glenda: Sure it's hard to revisit that day. But telling the truth about it could help a lot of people, maybe even you. Lucas: You see that's just it, I have trouble with the details, there's a lot of things about that day I can't remember, I kinda like blocked it up. Glenda: I tell you what, why don't you walk me through the things you can remember? Maybe it'll help to talk it through. Lucas: Alright. Derek: It's a good thing I brought extra rope. Brooke: Untie me you freak! Derek: It's figures you'd be good with your mouth. Noone is gonna hear you. Brooke & Peyton: HELP! Derek: You know Peyton, you really shouldn't... the music so loud! Brooke & Peyton: HELP US ! Haley: This is the weirdest prom ever, no Peyton, no Brooke, no Lucas, no Mouth... Nathan: No rachel. Haley: Good prom! Principal Tuner: Nathan, I need you to drive a student home. Nathan: What do you mean? Principal Turner: You're the DW not I car don't you? Nathan: Yeah. I guess I do, who is it? Peyton: Why did you come? Brooke: We've been talking about senior prom since we are 8. I knew something was wrong. Peyton: So, you told someone you were coming? Brooke: No... at least I came! Peyton: You should have told somebody! Brooke: That is your problem you are so angry. Peyton: You're an idiot! Brooke: Don't call me an idiot bitch! Peyton: I hope he kills you first. Derek: That's a good idea. I know how much you hate her, Peyton. I was outside today, watching. I heard that you told Brooke that she was dead to you. Now I'm gonna make it official. Peyton: Derek, wait. Derek; Don't you see, Peyton? I was serching for some way to show you how much I love you. I'm gonna hurt her as much as she hurt you. Peyton: Derek, hey, hey, look at me. If you really, really love me, let me do it. This is my chance to revenge, you, well, you should know that. Look you were right about me, okay? Hey, listen, you were right. We are so much alike. I have all the same feelings that you do, and I have all the same desires. Derek: I don't believe you. Peyton: It's true. Hey, I just couldn't admit it before. I'm gonna prove it to you now, okay, just untie me. Derek: You're lying. Peyton: Come on Derek. You got the knife, and I'm half your size! Hey, baby. Derek: You better not be lying. Peyton: I'm not, baby. I promise. (she slaps Brooke) God that felt good! Derek: Do it again. Brooke: Why don't you make it hurt next time bitch? Peyton: Alright, gimme the knife. I'm gonna finish this bitch off. Gimme the knife! Derek: I don't think I can trust you. Peyton: Let's talk about trust okay. See, you lied to me, you said you were my brother, didn't you? You went about it everything all wrong Derek. God, you're ... you're such a beautiful boy! All you had to do was ask! Would you gimme the knife, and then when I'm finished with her, we'll go upstairs, ok? Derek: You wanna cut vertically. It's conter intuitive. I know. Peyton: All this time you said I was a backstarving bitch, you have no idea how right you were! Brooke: God you didn't have to hit me so hard. Peyton: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! Brooke: Peyton, Peyton, he's moving, just get out of here! Peyton: No, I'm not leaving you. Derek: That was so disappointing! You know what? I changed my ming. I think I'll kill you first! Brooke: Peyton, run! Derek: Yeah, Peyton, run! You shouldn't have lied Peyton. It's not very nice! Lucas: She told me she loved me. I just figured it was because she lost a lot of blood. But at some level I knew it was true. I was just too afraid to admit it because, it would've hurt Brooke. Glenda: You ever think maybe that's why you have trouble writing about that day? Maybe you block things out because you're afraid if you face the truth, it could hurt the other people you love. Student: So, I heard about you and Brooke Davis. Hi 5! I guess that means you guys have like, an open marriage. That is so great! Nathan: Out! Student: What? But my house is like a mile... Nathan: Out. Student: That's cool. I'll see you at school. Nathan: You still wanna be a teenager? Haley: Oh my gosh! You know, I used to dream about how wonderful senior prom would be, the last great party with all our friends before we graduate. This night? This is nothing like I predicted. Nathan: Yeah, well you gotta be careful about your predictions. Haley: Baby, the school's back there, where are we going? Nathan: It's a surprise. Haley: Okay. Derek: Open the door, Peyton! You already know I could break it down. You forgot to lock it. Peyton: I didn't forget! It doesn't feel so good, does it? I'm not gonna run from you anymore Derek, I'm not gonna run anymore purely now get up! Derek: You've been training. Peyton: It's right, with my real brother. He taught me this! And that is fro making me afraid to sleep, you creepy, and smelly son of a bitch ! Derek: Shhhh. You really think you could beat me? A girl? Brooke: How about two girls? Peyton: Brooke get out! Get off ! Brooke: Peyton, [...] Peyton: [...] Brooke: Peyton, be careful he's gonna lunge. They always lunge. Derek: Arghhh! Brooke: I'm gonna call 911. Peyton: Brooke wait, gimme five minutes. Brooke: Look about earlier today, you were right. All those things that I said about your mom ... Peyton: No... we both said [...] things today. Besides if you hadn't come right now, i'd be bitching my both mom about you in person. You saved me. Brooke: You saved me too. I guess now it's hoes over psychos. Peyton: Yeah. Brooke: So where do we go from here? Peyton: Prom? Brooke: Ok. Rachel: you know, I lied you when I told you my flight was delayed. The truth is <i wasn't sure I was ready to get on it. Mouth: Why not? Rachel: Because i wanted us to have our last dance. Mouth: Let's have it. Rachel: You're gonna break a lot of hearts Mouth McFadden. Dan: So what do you think? Does this beat our prom? Karen: Oh let's see, the theme for our prom was 'Every rose has its thorn', yeah. Dan: Thorn, right. I was out at the night i told you I was leaving to take the basketball scholarship. I want you to know that for the past seventeen years, I've been pretending that it was the right choice. Karen: For the last seventeen years, I've been pretending that choice didn't break my heart. Dan: I wanna ask you something, do you think it's impossible for you ever to have feelings for me again, like you once did ? Karen: No, it's not impossible. Haley: What are we doing here? Nathan: Do you remember the last time i went up here? Haley: Yeah I do, it was when we were separated and I try to forget. Nathan: Well, you showed me the predictions that you and Lucas make every year on the first day of school. And i made a prediction on my own that night, you remember? Here it is. Haley: Haley and I will be together again by graduation. Did you really believe that? Nathan: I was in a pretty dark place back then but, I never stopped believing in us. My prediction came true Hales! As far as I'm concerned, that makes this a great night. So, you think your leg's ready for a dance? Haley: Ohhh, I wish it were but it's still a little stiff. Sorry. Nathan: [...] Haley: Ohhh, it's my lucky night! The clerk: Attention, now flight 243 to New Orleans at gate 6. Attention, now flight 243 to New Orleans at gate 6. Rachel: It's me. Mouth: Then I guess this is goodbye. I'm really glad you came back tonight Rachel. Rachel: Me too. Hey, you wanna come with me? Mouth: I can't, I'd miss finals, an graduation, it's suicide! Rachel: No, it's just dangerous. It's ok Mouth. See you later. Mouth: Rachel wait. I'm coming with you. Dan: So, it's you. Lucas: What do you mean? Dan: You lost your phone. Lucas: It's not my phone. Dan: Sure? Lucas: Yeah. What's wrong with you? And where's my mom? Dan: She's... I'm sorry, i just... What are you doing here Lucas? Lucas: I guess i just keep feeling like, i keep feeling like Keith's trying to tell me something. Dan: We already had this conversation, son. Lucas: I know, but... Dan: No! Keith's dead, ok? He's not coming back. Open your eyes. Flashback: Keith: Open your eyes Luke. Open your eyes! Lucas: Keith? Keith: Luke, I love you, now go. Peyton: Are you ready for this Brooke Davis? Brooke: Welcome to prom, P Sawyer. Bevin: Attention everyone! Get around the stage. It's time to announce our prom queen. The envelope please. Okay, and this year's prom queen: Brooke Davis!
doc_106	Кога? After breakfast. The lights down so much you can do it yourself. I put `em up there. You have got to learn to mutter quieter, 'cause I heard that. That was the point! What the heck? Dear lord. Sherman? Call the police! What is that? Well, sure as sh1t it ain't Santa Claus. Phone's ringin´ Raylan. Thank you, Donny. Donny? It's from Lebowski Netflix it, you can be one of the cool kids. Givens. Deputy Givens, this is Sharon Evans. I do bail bonds in Knoxville. Okay. We met at a law enforcement expo in Miami a few years ago. Want another one? Not of that. Oh, I'm sorry, I remember you. We, uh, had a drink. Several. From my mini-bar. I believe I also remember you polishing off a $20 tin of macadamia nuts. Yes, the most overrated of the nuts. Is that why you're calling? You want me to pay my fair share? No, I like it better you owing me. But this isn't a personal call, Raylan. I saw you're with the eastern district of Kentucky now. I need a hand up there. You interested? Raylan: I haven't hung up. Jody Adair, 41, charged with double homicide, out on a quarter-million bail, skipped town two days ago. He's got an ex-wife in Lexington. You put eyes on him, I get Lexington P.D. To haul him in, and I'll make it worth your while. Raylan: Chuckles. Meaning? How about three grand? Raylan: Send me the address and a photograph. All right. [ Cellphones beep ] Raylan: You think you can manage the phones? I'm gonna go out for a bit. Rachel: Where you going? Raylan: Oh, I got a thing. Rachel: Don't get caught, dude. Anything I should know? Raylan: No. No. Just a major prison break, the countryside's been overrun with fugitives. I got it. [ Knock at the door ] You show up before dawn with a bag of hamburgers? They get the toys that way. Come on * let me in. Heck no. Why not, you've let me in every other time I've come by. No. Raylan: Hey, Sharon. It's Raylan. Yeah, he's here. Listen... Hold up. You dropped something. Pick it up if you want. Asshole. Raylan: Huh? No, not you. Won't let me in? Oh yeah I think you gonna let me in. Raylan: [ Taps window ] You can have the burgers if you want. sh1t! Let's go, out. Mine's bigger than yours. Big enough to throw a bullet through this door, and you as well. Before I put one through your ear? You think this is the first time I've had a gun pointed at me? No. Could be your last though. I'm guessin' you know who I am. I can guess who you are, at least which team you play for. All this indicates you're not gonna shoot me. No. * There you go. Sharon. How much I just bring him in? ♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogart ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ Boyd: So, you really have been saved. By the Lord Almighty and the word of his forgiveness. Boyd: So, what happened? You sit down and start reading the good book? Or was there a human component involved in this soul saving? I got to be honest now, Boyd. A lot of times, the way you say things, I can't make hide nor hair. Boyd: Well, were you saved on your own or in a church, hiram? Church. Last Chance Holiness. Boyd: Well, that's new to me. I don't believe I've ever heard of that collection plate. It's new to Harlan. Well, right now it's just a tent in the woods. But preacher Billy... he's the real deal, Boyd... old-school. Been healing lots of the afflicted... Addicts. That's why your Oxy sales have dropped off a cliff, 'cause people getting off drugs, getting hooked on Jesus. Boyd: Well, Hiram, receiving the Lord into your heart is a wonderful thing. But I do have to ask... when did your salvation occur? Last week. Boyd: Well, then, there you go. What we have is a problem of arithmetics, 'cause you received a shipment of Oxy from us three weeks ago. Now, that gives you two solid weeks of selling before you saw the light. Now, by my count, Hiram, you got at least $10,000 of my money. I don't. I stopped selling before then. Boyd: Well, then give me my Oxy back. Can't. I flushed that poison down the shitter. Boyd: Poison? Why, you don't know your scripture. "He makes wine that gladdens the" "hearts of man"... psalms 104. And what are our goods but modern-day wine, albeit in a pill form? That's just you twisting the word of God for your own dark purposes. Where you going? Boyd: I'm getting away from the window. [ Screams ] Boyd: Now, hiram, saved or not, you don't have my money by the time tomorrow night rolls around, the next firecracker's gonna go off in here. [ Crickets chirping ] Hey! Shut that off before anyone sees the light. What are you doing? Might as well pull some wire while we're at it. Got to love these old places. $20 copper right here. What is that? Well, let's pull and find out. [ Siren wailing ] sh1t! What do we do? We run, you dumb sh1t. Hey! I got dogs here! They're gonna rip your face off! Trained them to do it! God damn it! [ Sighs ] [ Floorboards creaking ] Can't be local, or you'd have identified yourself as such. [SCENE_BREAK] Maybe you're federal. No bounty hunters allowed in the state of Kentucky. Raylan: If you're gonna keep talking, I'm gonna put you in the trunk. Can I ask you something? Raylan: What's that? It mean anything to you that I ain't never had no priors? Raylan: Nope. That ain't none of my business. I just came to see my kids. She wouldn't let me see them. Can you fathom that? Raylan: You got kids? Yeah. Raylan: Do you get visitation? Huh? Raylan: Visitation. Sure, just Sundays, and supervised, on account of I ain't have a place suitable for children. One of the reasons I moved on down to Knoxville. I ain't gonna see them. Why stick around? [ Cellphone rings ] Raylan: Hold on. Only reason I'm in this jackpot was trying to get money for my kids. Raylan: Okay, I need you to be quiet now. [ Cellphone beeps ] Hello? Hey, uh, Raylan. Yeah, look, it's Bob. Constable Bob sweeney down in Harlan, yeah. Look, uh, I'm at your daddy's house. Raylan: Well, is it on fire? Only reason I can imagine you calling before dawn. Oh, sh1t. I think my arm's falling asleep. Raylan: Stop talking. Uh, I'm headed up that way. Come on, I'm not gonna stop talking. Raylan: I can stop by there. Hey, look, you gonna have to turn me in unharmed, or you gonna catch some sh1t. Raylan: You don't need to do that. Okay, then. [ Tires screech ] Ow! sh1t! Ow! Raylan: See you there. You know what your problem is? You got no self-awareness. You think trying to do right by your children excuses everything, even killing men. They were heroin dealers. If they'd just give up their money, none of this would have happened. Raylan: Any problem, that's someone else's fault. You ever hear of the saying, "you run into an asshole in the" morning, you ran into an asshole. You run into assholes all day, you're the asshole"? [ Car beeps ] What? Raylan: This could be a little uncomfortable. Just be cool and go with it. I get out of these, I'll tear you to pieces small enough to flush. [ Rooster crows ] [ Knock on door ] Morning, sunshine. Look what I got for my girl. What is it? Well, open it and find out. You do that? With the paper? Watched a video on YouTube. Here. Wait, is it Oxy? No. Better. Not meth. I can't do any more of that. It's not meth. It's mellow. Oh, my God. Is this real? What? No, honey, there ain't no such thing as a million dollar bill. Are you sure? It's from a church. Got some religious screed on the other side. Some kids were handing them out by the stop 'n go. I thought it was funny, using it as I did. [ Laughs ] Now, I got another surprise for you, but you're gonna have to keep your eyes shut for that one. I can't wait. [ Both laugh ] [ Snorts ] Keep them closed. They're closed. All right, now... open! [ Growls ] [ Screaming ] [ Groans ] Look at that... they busted the hinges. Still broke the lock. Would have been cheaper to break a window. You should put a sign up... "You thinking of breaking in," please break a window. "Thank you. The management." Raylan: You just happened to be driving by, huh? No, I put a motion detector in. Sends me a text every time it goes off. Raylan: How much is that costing me? It's in your bill. I'm not hiding it. Raylan: Well, I ain't gonna cover that up with the smell of baking cookies. [ Chuckles ] I'll tell you what, though... Those wire-strippers are lucky. If I'd caught them, would have opened a Costco-sized can of whup-ass on them. Raylan: Mm-hmm. I guess I can fix the door. Can you hire someone to handle this? I can. You know, Raylan... Raylan: Hmm? I've been thinking. I'm gonna tell you something I haven't told a whole lot of people. Raylan: About that time you were in high school, living in Florida? How... how'd you know that? Raylan: Kid on the football team came at you at shop class. You took him out with a hammer. Ollie kemp. I tell you this before? Raylan: Once during senior year when we were down at the lake. Was I drunk? Raylan: I think we all were. Then again two months ago when I hired to watch this house. [ Clears throat ] What's that? Raylan: I have not a clue. Ollie kemp... that was the guy. Size of a portable toilet. He come at me, and I just went berserker red on him. Put him in a coma. He's still in it, as far as I know. Raylan: That's why your family moved to Evarts, if I'm not mistaken. Oh, what is that? Raylan: It's a driver's license. Waldo truth. Yeah, I know it's a joke. Raylan: What's that? Being a constable. You got to run for it. You only get $2,400 a year if you win, so nobody runs for it. Got to have your own car. Got to have your own everything. [ Scoffs ] I had to pay for these lights myself. Raylan: $2,400 enough to live on? Well, I get $50 apiece for serving papers. State police got to charge $80, so everyone comes to me. You know, let them keep thinking I'm a joke. That's what I say. [ Chuckles ] They underestimate me at their peril. Raylan: Just ask Ollie kemp. [ Scoffs ] If he could respond. Raylan: Hmm. Let me tell you something, Raylan. If sh1t gets serious, you give me a call, and I'll grab my go bag and be ready to jump. Raylan: Will do, Bob. You stay frosty. [ Car alarm chirps ] Raylan: All right. Here's the deal. I got to do one more thing. Stay quiet, I'll let you back up front. Ava: It was a costume. I know that now. See, Arnold's a furry. Usually he dresses up in, like, a bunny suit? But this one scared me. Plus I was on drugs, and it was a good costume. He gonna press charges? Ava: He's the judge/executive. What's he gonna do? Tell everyone he was shot in a whorehouse wearing a bear costume? [ Laughs ] Ava: What the hell were you you doing with a gun? Everybody's got a gun. Ava: Why do you have a gun at work? I been hit. Ava: One of these men beats you, you come to me, and I'll take care of it, you hear me? It's not just clients who hit. Ava: Oh, you still griping about that? Case you forget, I also saved your life. Yeah, I killed a man for you. I punched you once. You think that's something, you ain't never been beaten. Look, I know that, Ava. I ain't... I-I ain't forget. It's just sometimes I get real scared... Jittery and... When I'm low, I just... [ Sighs ] I just feel so low, Ava. Ava: That's why I told you to get off the meth. Yeah. Ava: No coke, either. You can't do the jittery stuff, Ellen may. The comedown off that's worse than anything. Yeah. Ava: What was it Arnold gave you? He wouldn't say. Just that it wasn't... It wasn't Oxy. Ava: [ Sighs ] Well, you know there's gonna be consequences. What kind? Ava: I don't know. I'll talk to Boyd, and we'll figure it out. What is this? It's what Arnold had his drugs in. It's not real. Ava: "Last chance holiness" "church." [ Sighs ] Whatever me and Boyd decide, you can't have a gun at work. I know that, Ava. I'm sorry. How's Arlo getting along? If you don't mind my asking. Raylan: He's in prison. I know. I was wondering about his mental state. Raylan: Well, like I said, Mike, he's in prison. Raylan, the last time he came in here, he stood over there by the paints for five minutes. Did not move, just staring. Unnerved the hell out of me. Raylan: Hmm. You know, you see your old man, you say, uh... oh, hell. I have absolutely no idea what you should say to him. Raylan: Well, that's okay, Mike. I don't plan on seeing him. That's a good plan. [ Screws clatter ] You know, I've been told I got a screw loose, but this is just crazy. [SCENE_BREAK] You want one? Raylan: Want one what? A screw. [ Chuckles ] Raylan: How old are you? Old enough. Raylan: I think I got everything I came for. Thank you. Mike, you need a cleanup on aisle whatever. Hey, hold up a sec. I need your opinion. How are these? See, I'm a late bloomer. I didn't get them till just last year. Raylan: Patience is a virtue. Miss, you can't go out this way. Well... [ laughs ] Raylan: Mike, where'd that little girl go? She just flashed me her titties then scooted out the back. Why? Raylan: My car's gone. Oh. Johnny: Well, maybe what hiram told you is true. Ava: Our drug business is being squeezed by some backwoods preacher? [ Chuckles ] I don't buy it. Johnny: Maybe it's because the fda, they went and changed the formula for Oxy... makes it harder to get high. Boyd: Our supply's from before the change. Johnny: And they went down and changed the laws in Florida. That hasn't helped much. Ava: You been watching CNN. Johnny: I tell you what I haven't been doing, and that's allowing one of my whores to shoot a customer. Boyd: I'll discuss Ava's failings when it's her turn in the barrel. Right now it's cousin Johnny's time. Now, all your talk of the fda and Florida laws didn't explain why my Oxy sales have dropped off in my voting district. And frankly, I'm nonplussed by your lack of motivation, Johnny, 'cause it ain't just my bottom line being affected. Johnny: All right. I'll check it out. [SCENE_BREAK] Ava: I got failings? Boyd: Well, clearly outweighed by your attributes. Ava: Mm. Boyd: How'd you handle Ellen may? Ava: As much as told her wait till daddy got home. Boyd: All right, well, we'll figure something out. Ava: Mm. Boyd: Confined to quarters, bread and water. [ Both laugh ] Who was the John? Ava: Arnold. Boyd: Well, he ain't gonna say nothing to nobody. Ava: Mnh-mnh. Boyd: [ Groans ] No one ever said running a criminal enterprise was gonna be this hard, huh? Ava: They left that part out on career day. Boyd: [ Sighs ] Ava: You want a dr pepper? Boyd: Well, is it 10:00, 2:00, or 4:00? Ava: It is 9:21. Boyd: Never too early for a dr pepper. Ava: All right. One dr pepper. [SCENE_BREAK] Thank y. Mm-hmm. Is Boyd in? Who? Boyd crowder. He in? Don't know anybody by that name. [ Pool balls clacking ] Johnny: Where you from, friend? Little town in Maryland. Bel air. It's the birthplace of John wilkes booth. Johnny: Well, what brings you to Harlan county? Boyd crowder. Johnny: Never heard of him. I knew this guy. He used to work with the military police, and he swore, if you ever ask someone a question like, "where are you" "hiding those drugs?" You just watch the eyes. More often than not, they'll point to the right direction. Yours, they stayed on the beam. But scooter over here... he just couldn't help himself. Johnny: I, uh... I think your time in this establishment has come to an end. [ Chuckles ] I hear you. [SCENE_BREAK] Johnny: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Ava: You need to leave now! Aah! Christ in heaven, you're a beautiful woman. Ava: Jimmy! Boyd! Boyd! Boyd: No! No! [ Laughs ] Ava, Johnny, Jim, let me introduce to you, all the way from desert storm, by way of the Iraq and Afghan wars, first sergeant... no. Got knocked down. Boyd: Sergeant Colton rhodes, military police. Now, how many times did you jail my ass in Kuwait? I say five. Am I low? Boyd, honestly, I lost count. [ Siren wails ] You call the police? Raylan: I called you. Wait, wait, you... you said "they" took your car? Raylan: Girl flashed me her titties. I assume it's not a coincidence. I know that scam. The female acts as a distraction. Her colleague steals the vehicle. It's happening a lot these days. Raylan: [ Sighs ] Pull on me. Raylan: Pull on you? Yeah, make like you're going for your gun. Pull on me. Raylan: Bob, I really do need to... Raylan, just pull on me, man. Raylan: [ Sighs ] [ Exhaling sharply ] Beef stew. Raylan: Wow. Yeah. And I can do it with both hands, too... Still deadly. I apply to the state police next year, they gonna take me. That bag back there? Raylan: That's your...? My go bag. Got everything in there in case I need to go. Raylan: Like toilet paper? God damn it, Raylan, not like toilet paper! I got a ak-47 with a folding stock, I got body armor I bought off a police auction, I got MREs, I got bottled water. If this sh1t goes road warrior, man, I'm ready. You're gonna come to me. Raylan: [ Chuckles ] All right, let's check out the scrapyard first. Raylan: Scrapyard? Why? These metal thieves these days, man, they sell the cars for scrap... crush them, send them off... Raylan: They crush them? Yeah, it's 500 bucks a car. Raylan: Let's go, Bob, right now. All right. [ Engine turns over ] You know, it wouldn't... Raylan: I got sh1t in the car I don't want to be crushed. All right, well, you know, I can use my lights. I mean, legally, they don't have any... Raylan: Use them. Lights going on! [ Tires squeal ] [ Siren wailing ] Hey! Crusher man! Crusher man! Stop that! Stop the thing! Crusher man! Can I help you? That better not be a late-model Lincoln town car you're crushing. Raylan: It's not. It's not? Raylan: That's mine right there. [ Car alarm chirps ] Can I help you? Oh. Where are they? Who? The punks who brought this in. I was running the crusher. I didn't see anyone. The car belong to you, you can take it. I don't mind. Raylan: It's not the car so much as what was inside the trunk I'm concerned about. I don't know anything about that. Are you really gonna play it that way? We all know you scrap stolen cars. What? Don't stonewall me, asshole. Everyone in the county knows. I know you? No, and it's not me you got to worry about, you sorry sack. That right over there is a genuine U.S. marshal. Raylan: Bob. You're a marshal? Raylan: Look, I ain't here on marshals' business. I just want to know about the man in the trunk. Or he can make it federal if you want to. Hell, he'll have a helicopter come down here and hover for an hour, freak your sh1t out, son. There ain't nothing federal about scrapping cars. If you are crushing stolen cars, you are destroying vin numbers, and that makes it federal. You had a guy in your trunk? I'm not required to ascer... Ohh! [ Chuckling ] That looks federal. Raylan: Where are they? Don't let him see you. You think you're up to killing him if it comes to it? You are? Yeah. You killed a man before? I killed two men. How's that? Oh, yeah? We killed 12 men just yesterday. [ Chuckles ] Week before last I killed two heroin dealers in Knoxville, Tennessee. Now, you get that angle grinder over there, cut my chain, I'll handle this. Why'd you kill them? Because I had to. We are running out of time here, children. What, are you a junkie? No. I spot junkies, follow them to their dealers, and rob them. Now, either aim that peashooter at that door and pull the trigger on whoever comes through, or cut my chain. What'll it be? How you spot junkies? I spot bicycle thieves, most bicycle thieves being heroin addicts. It's a fact. Try to avoid flesh. How you spot bicycle thieves? [ Tool grinding ] One day, me and my friend Kenneth, we saw a skinny guy go up to an expensive bike... Specialized, giant... got a bag across his chest like he's a messenger, no one giving him a second look. He pulls out a Makita angle grinder, just like the one in your boyfriend's hands there. 20 seconds later, he's through that lock and on his way. Now we just watch the good bikes. Wherever there are rich kids, there are good bikes, junkies looking to grab them, and we follow them. sh1t! That really heats up the steel. Now give me that gun. [ Door opens ] Raylan: Am I interrupting something? I was wondering when you'd walk in. Raylan: Well, you can stop wondering. I'm here now. Shoot him. Raylan: Jesus, girl, you just showed me your tits 45 minutes ago. Oh, he thinks he's funny. Don't listen to him. Shoot him. Raylan: Miss, I am a deputy U.S. marshal with a one-time offer... do as I say, you and your friend get a free pass for stealing my car. He's lying. Raylan: He's just saying that 'cause he's the one I'm after. I want you, son, up here, on your belly, hands in front. Miss, you're gonna hand me that gun, pistol grip first, right now. Let's go. I'm sorry, Raylan. You should see the sh1t in this bag. Raylan: God damn it, Bob. I asked you to do one thing... Watch him. What the hell happened? He asked me to pull on him. I punched him in the nose. He did it wrong! Raylan: Unh-unh-unh! Okay. I'm gonna make you a similar offer I made these two... Do as I say, and I'll let you skate on the vin numbers. Ain't as good as his offer. Raylan: What'd he offer? [SCENE_BREAK] Raylan: Jody, you got $10,000 stuck up your ass? Hey, we ain't stupid. It's hidden up in Lexington. Raylan: He's just... you know... All right. Doesn't matter. I'm gonna sweeten the deal. The three of you go free, plus I'll give you whatever I got in my wallet. There's got to be at least $500 in there. Henry, check his wallet. He could be lying about that $500. Give me your wallet. 12 bucks, piggly wiggly card. Ohh! Give me that gun, girl! [ Groans ] Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh! Careful, careful. You might hit her. Raylan: I suppose I should care, her age and all, but she did steal my car. Go ahead and shoot, then. Now, thank you for the ride. I appreciate your company. But I think I need some alone time. Goodbye, marshal. Aah! [ Groaning ] Raylan: Look out. Move away from that gun. Get up. Put your hands on the table, nice and slow... slow. You okay, Bob? [ Grunting ] All right, God damn it. Any chance we can take you up on that offer? Yeah, that's funny. Raylan: Yeah, tell me the truth. You weren't at Arlo's for the copper wire and you didn't want my car. It was just that bag. How come? Raylan: You sure you don't mind holding on to this stuff for me till we can really fix that door? It's just a bunch of photographs. I don't know why anyone would want to steal it, but you never know. Yeah, sure thing, Mr. Givens. [ Chuckles ] What are you, his personal assistant? I'm not the one handcuffed in the back of a car, asshole. Raylan: [ Sighs ] So, uh, listen, Bob. If it's cool with you, I'd just, uh... Let's just keep this between us, huh? Yeah, you think? Look, Raylan, I know why you called me. You couldn't call the cops, 'cause if they found the stolen car with a Tennessee bail jumper in the back, what are you gonna say? You're out of the marshals service, right? So you called up constable Bob. Raylan: Listen, Bob, I'm sorry. I just... I got a kid on the way. I was trying to make a little extra bank on the side, all right? You got a kid on the way? Raylan: Yeah. But, hey, you stepped up. I stepped up. Stepped up. I stabbed a teenage girl in the foot. Raylan: And because of that, I'm alive, and you're alive, and we live to see another day. [ Sighs ] [ Engine turns over ] Not a word. Not a problem. Raylan. [SCENE_BREAK] Boyd: So, how did you lose your rank? That was at Bagram, about six months ago. I got into a thing with an XO. From another company at a baseball game. He slides in high into second base during a charity game. Boyd: Ohh! Showing restraint, I kneed him in the nuts. I didn't think twice about it. It's a game. Things happen. And then I heard the asshole reported it. Boyd: Mm! That cost me the rank. But what got me my discharge was me walking into his billet and shooting him in the bicep. [ Both laugh ] I could have got leavenworth. But everyone knew what a prick he was, so they suggested my service was complete. The guy used to curl 80 pounds. Now I heard he can hardly lift a phone, so... [ Clicks tongue ] What can I do for you, Boyd? Boyd: I'm a criminal. I know that. Boyd: I got a problem. I need a little outside help, someone I can trust. I wanted to see how you might feel about crossing the line. That depends where the line is. Do you kill people? Boyd: People have been killed. I-I don't have a pen or a piece of paper, but what would you say are your greatest strengths and weaknesses, Colton rhodes? This is a job interview now? Boyd: It's a job. Tell you what, I got to go see a fella... Owes me some money. Why don't you come along? Dry run. Let's just see how it goes. [ Buzzer ] Arlo: You sell my home? Raylan: Not yet. Arlo: You set the asking price too high. Raylan: I lowered it to $170,000. Arlo: It hasn't sold. It's too high. Raylan: You want me to just give it away? Arlo: You want to get half of nothing? Raylan: Maybe I'm listing it wrong. "Two-story, three-bedroom" country fixer-upper. Holes in the wall. "Missing a door." Arlo: Mm-hmm. You're funny. Raylan: Don't give me any sh1t, Arlo. I brought you what you wanted. Arlo: What's that? Raylan: You don't know? Seems to me like you went to a lot of trouble to get it out of your house... hiring two wire-stripping teenagers to get it for you. Arlo: I did what now? Raylan: You honestly don't know what this is? Arlo: On your mother's grave. Raylan: It had something in the bag. Arlo: Can't read without my glasses. Raylan: Kentucky driver's license. Issued September 7, 1979. First name... Waldo. Last name... truth. Arlo: That's a strange last name. Raylan: Doesn't ring a bell? Arlo: No. I'd think, a boy on the way, you'd have more pressing concerns. Raylan: Don't know if it's a boy. Kind of hoping it was a girl, end the family line right here. Arlo: You think that'll do it? You think you get all your turmoil from me? Your mother was frances, not Saint frances. My advice? Just put that bag back in the wall and forget about it. Raylan: I didn't say it was in the wall. Arlo: Guard! Boyd: Where's my money, hiram? There's your money right there. Boyd: That's very funny. You wouldn't think a man with a stick of dynamite in his lap would go for funny. "Last chance holiness church." That's the place, huh? The place of my salvation. Boyd: Well, you tell me where my money is, hiram, and you can go on repenting all you want. I don't have it! I told you! Boyd: I don't believe you. Truth always sounds like lies to a sinner. Boyd: Huh. Let's go, colt. Where are you going? Boyd: Outside. I don't want to die. And I'd say you got about eight seconds left, so I'd make sure your conversion was in earnest. It's under the lawnmower! Oh, I'm ready, God! I'm ready! [ Whimpering ] Boyd: Open your eyes, hiram, for you have been saved twice. "I expect death to be" "nothingness." That ain't in the Bible. Boyd: No, it is not. It's a science-fiction writer... Isaac Asimov, God rest his soul, except he did not believe in God. Why'd you hold out so long? I wanted to give it to the church, make up for all the evil I'd done. Boyd: You really think this church is behind my falloff in Oxy? Oh, I know it is. Preacher Billy's saving 'em one sinner at a time. You should try it, Boyd. Boyd: I've already tried it. Well, then, long run, you'll be finished. Boyd: "Well, in the long run", "we'll all be dead." You know who said that? John maynard keynes. Now, for the record, this money doesn't exist. Ava asks, anyone does, it wasn't here. Are we clear? Yeah. Boyd: Take care of him. [ Gunshot ] Aah! Boyd: What in the hell did you do that for?! You said to take care of him. Boyd: I-I-I meant cut him loose! Oh. sh1t. Boyd: Well, I guess I'll have to be more careful with my words. [SCENE_BREAK] Raylan: [ Sighs ] Lindsey? Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Sorry, I... had barbecue for dinner, and I did not want to use that downstairs bathroom to floss. Raylan: Eh, it's okay. How'd it go? Raylan: Wasn't without its difficulty, but I got him there. To this super-hot bail bondswoman you were talking about? Raylan: I don't recall saying "super." I was just trying to be accurate. How much you get? Raylan: 10. Good for you. Raylan: [ Sighs ] I better get back downstairs. Raylan: Why? Well, if I don't get down there soon Ken'll get pissy. Saw how busy it is? I did. It's come and get f'ed up Friday. How do you define soon? Loosely. [ Rhythmic clapping ] Whoo! [ Cheering ] Praise the lord! Yeah! Glory to God! Praise Jesus! [SCENE_BREAK] Praise God! Praise be the lord! Oh, God almighty! Salamatha morolakamata! Save me, lord! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! [ Speaking gibberish ] Aah! Aah! Aah! [ Cries ] You will be saved by our lord! Hallelujah! We will all be saved by our lord! Praise the lord! Amen! Praise the lord! Now, I see a lot of new faces here today. To you newcomers, we here are signs followers. Now, that comes from the gospel of mark. "And these signs shall follow" "them that believe." Oh, hallelujah! But what you want to know... Is do I get bit? Well, am I right? Right. Yes, I do. Now, only twice so far... Hallelujah. By this one right here I call Mabel. Now, once, I took her out of her crate too rough... I deserved it. The other time, well, the lord only knows. Both times I survived the venom. It was the lord who saw fit to have me continue my ministry. Now, of course, not all survive. Our daddy and his before died from the serpent's bite, their place in heaven guaranteed, there being no greater sign of obedience to the lord than to be taken home in such a manner. So, that's why we're here. Why are you here, newcomers? You all come to watch the hillbilly with the snakes? Or did you come to be saved?! Savior! Hallelujah! Now, what about it? How about you? Yes, you. [ Cell door opens ] Arlo: I didn't ask for a book. That your son the marshal came to see you? Arlo: Why? Saw him bring in some bag. Arlo: You got your nose in everyone's business, don't you, trustee? [ Chuckles ] Where'd he find that bag? Arlo: I don't know, and I didn't ask. And why do you want to know? Because I heard about a bag like that once before. It could be worth some money, old man, we play our cards right. Arlo: These are our cards now? He showed you something else, looked like an identification. Arlo: You got an eagle eye. What was it? Arlo: Somebody's driver's license. Name? Arlo: Marlon Brando. I don't know. You tell anybody about this? Arlo: Why would I tell anyone? Well, don't. Like I said, it's worth some money. I'll make a call and find out how much. Arlo: Hold on. Give me a book while you're here. You don't read. Arlo: I can. Just don't choose to usually. What do you want? Arlo: Anything. I don't care. I forgot how slow the clock moves inside. You like spy stories? I been hearing a lot of good things about this Alan Furst fellow. Arlo: Fine. Aah! Aah! Why?! Why?! [ Thud ] [ Alarm buzzing ] Looks like a trustee down. Trustee down, open that door. Arlo: [ Sighs ]
doc_107	Scene 1: Hall Glee Club - Will and the entire cast Will: 5,6,7,8, not one, we walked around, we change leg leg is changed, not one, you, you, you and bam bam bam! (He claps). A bit of nerves looks like a group of sleepwalkers. Give me energy, it was the communal in two weeks. Mercedes: Sir! the commune is in the pocket. Will: Can be good, but if taking it easy to commune we'll get killed in the regional. We need to give the best of ourselves. Kurt (laughs, looks wickedly M.Schuester): This is a funny video. Falls in weddings. (The bell rings). Scene 2: Staff room lunchtime - Will, Emma and Sue Will (to Emma): This time I think they overestimate, they seem to have lost their flame. Emma: Well I'm sorry, you just ... You have a little mustard on your little Kirk Douglas dimple in the chin. Will: Where? (Trying to lick your chin) Here? Emma: Yes, wait, let me it. Wait! Here! Will: Thank you Emma: Uh ... So when will it all started? Will: Oh, there was one week Flashback: the Glee Club Rehearsal Rachel is in control Rachel: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, No. No. No. No. No. Will (coming from the back of the room): Good news I just saw the distribution of groups for communal and I think it was a good place. There are only two other teams. If they beat you access to regional. (The group is very enthusiastic. Mercedes and Kurt look at a big smile and Puck makes a check to Tina ...) Rachel: And who are the other teams? Will: Drumroll Finn! The Dayton School for the Deaf and an establishment called Jane Addams Academy. Mercedes: Jane Addams? ! This is a rehabilitation center for girls coming out of detention! Tina: C C This is great! Arty: People who disagree sing and criminals who do not care too much it will be piece ofcake! Top there (he holds out his hand towards Britanny who prefers checker Santana) End of flashback and return to the staff room Will: They think it is a foregone conclusion when there are no further effort. I'll have to find a way to motivate them a little. Emma: O, then K um ... Let's see. Oh! an array of stickers, that's how my parents made me do chores when I was a child. Yes! While I was doing a chore and I had a star and then ... Sue: Oh Lord I pray you, pity, stop talking. I try desperately to ignore the silliness of your conversation dripping unbearable but now that I have bile in my mouth I will not hold my tongue any longer. (Takes a listing on the table before her). You know what that is? This is a list of my daughters. I choose someone at random every week and I plug out. Will: Yes it works in the Glee Club in a different way. Sue: Will Really? ! How does it work for you? You must remember one thing, we take care of children here. They need to be terrified. It is like milk without him their bones will not grow properly. If you want results with a kid find the animal competition that is in him and remove him his chains!Very good! Helen (Speaking to Emma) This blouse is insane (and Emma looks sighs) Emma (by digging into his salad) It amazes me that she can teach in this school. Will: You know what? I think she has not entirely wrong. Scene 3: Hall Glee Club Will: The competition! All these people (he hung pictures on the wall) and all these elements have been champions in their field but they have always competed with others to become even better. Kurt: I can not understand how a flash can compete with a wooden pool.(Compared to the pictures off the wall) Will: Remember what I say. You have become too sure of yourself and you were great but the presets you'll have to overcome if you seriously want to achieve the communal. (Finn and locker Quinn looks unkindly) OK, do you separate the boys left, girls on the right. Go you move (the band broke up) Okay. Kurt! (He was heading the group of girls, Will motioned him to go with the boys) I'll explain: two teams, guys against girls. In one week you will have to stack all show me a mash up of your choice. Puck: What is a mash up? Will: A mash up is when you take two songs, you mixes together to make a great explosion of musical expression. Tuesday the boys present, girls the next day. I want you to go out all the stops right? Costumes, choreography and those who will win this competition we will choose the number to communal. Rachel: Wait! Who will be the judge? Your sx wrong your judgment. Will: Ah! We will have a special guest as a judge! Tina: Who is it? Will: Oh we'll have to give their all to find. Mercedes: We're going to crash to the ground! Rachel: It's clear I'll make a storyboard of the choreography tonight. Will: So? ! I hope you are ready to compete! The girls recovered to block. Arty: Let's give them a slap worthy of God's hand! Will (heading Finn): Hey Finn's it going? You look elsewhere. Finn: Just a little tired. Puck (tapping on the shoulder of Finn): You come buddy? We're late for training. Scene 4: Office of Sue - Sue she wrote her diary Sue (in thought): "Dear Diary I'm still without power today. It started at dawn when I tried to make a smoothie with beef bones and I broke my blender. Then drive to my daughters: a disaster! " Flashback on the training of Cheerios They are pyramid atop Quinn Sue (always in his thoughts): "It could not miss, it was like spot the first crack in the hull of a boat ready to run (it fixes the knee of Quinn who just shake) A tremor, the tremor was cost us the national tournament and the championship if we lose I'll lose my show and not my show I will never buy my hovercraft. " Sue: It's going to Quinn? Quinn: I'm just tired because of the Glee Club. End of flashback and return to the office of Sue Sue: "The Glee Club! Every time I try to destroy the handful of eating larvae arrears they come back even stronger as the wicked sexually ambiguous horror films. Here I am: ready to pass the milestone of 30 years. I have sacrificed everything in my life, all that to me bamboozled by the machinations of a cabal of bisexual teens deformed and imbedded.Did I miss an episode journal? Is it just me? Of course not, it does not come from me. It is the fault of Will Schuester! What is wrong with it, diary? His little arrogant smile and then made his permanent home? You know, newspaper, I noticed something yesterday. Flashback to the conversation of Will and Emma at lunch Sue: Of course, it becomes clear at once, if I can not destroy the club, I'll have to destroy mankind! Scene 5: House Will and Terri-Sue and Terri Sue: Let me be honest. Your husband hides his chipolata in a basket which unfortunately is not yours. Terri: What? With whom? Sue: The guidance counselor. A real bitch and a man-eater. She wears flashy pin like the one with which my Grandma is buried. Some tea! Terri (coming out of his thoughts): Oh, uh ... Sorry. (She gets up to serve as Sue) Sue: It's always the same song: the woman begins to gain weight. Terri: Oh! I'm pregnant! Sue: Oh! This is not an excuse! I always thought that the desire to procreate was an expression of great personal weakness! I've never wanted a child. I have no time and I have no uterus! Terri: Are you're sure? Sue: A woman always knows these things! Let me tell you my way. If it is not yet proven a link, it certainly takes the turn. It takes a machete to get through the thickness of envy that is created around them. Terri: Oh, Lord! What will I do? Sue: I think you should pack up and move! Unless you did not want to leave your husband a midget redhead mentally deranged lemur with beads? Terri: Are you absolutely sure about that? I mean, you have evidence? Sue: Break into the school and just sniff all its sx pheromones yourself.And then it falls rather well, the school nurse, Ms. Lancaster is in a coma.Oh, she made an incredible roll-ball stage on the stairs yesterday! Flashback to the fall Sue is tripped to the nurse and she falls. Back to Show Terri: But I'm not a nurse, I work at the "Festival of Quilt"! Sue: I am not an American citizen, I was born in the Panama Canal Zone, but I managed to have a passport, I applied twice. That's the advice I give to you: if you do not want to lose your husband, be creative. Scene 6: Office Figgins - Terri and Figgins Figgins: Mrs. Schuester, I appreciate your interest in the nursing position.But your experience is limited to folding towels ... Terri: As an assistant to my swim "Duvet Day" in first aid. I've used a defibrillator. Figgins: Ah! Scene 7: Teachers' room-Emma Will and Terri Emma: (to Will): So what did you talk about? Will: Oh! Good news, I found a great way to motivate them. They will fight against each other in a tournament. Emma: Oh! Will: And guess who will be our judge superstar? You! Emma (putting his hand to his heart): Me? Terri arrives with her blouse and nursing remains at the door of the room Terri: Well! This for a surprise! (Heading towards Will) Will: Hey! What are you doing here? Terri: (to Emma): Hello, I do not think we have been presented. I'm Terri Schuester, thewoman (she touches the belly) Will pregnant. Emma (with some surprise): Yes ... Terri: Someone left the lipstick on your mug. (She licks her finger and cleans the edge of the cup) Emma: No! No oh Terri: It's settled. It will serve coffee, Emma Will look with a frightened look Will: Is that all right Terri? You never come see me here! Terri: Oh, I do not come to see you not! You were so stressed about our finances lately that I had to participate by having a second job. I am the new nurse. Will: But ... You're not nursing, you have not been trained to ... Terri (interrupting him): I beg Will, this is a public school here. (She turns to Emma). It's not great news? And that means that now I am all the time around. Scene 8: Changing the football stadium, Ken And the whole football team Ken: Know your paths (at the same time he emphasizes these words on the board). This is the key to winning this game, gentlemen. The forwards you make your path to the enemy lines and you block for developing the game O, K? That everyone knows his role, it's not complicated! Finn (in thought): I completely derailed. I'm tired all the time! I can not keep my eyes open (he falls asleep and wakes up in the hall of the Glee Club). I know I'm lucky: captain of the football team, hunk of the Glee Club. I know I should be super happy with Quinn, she is very popular, she wears my baby and everything ... But I can not get out of Rachel's head. It makes me a little freaked out like Glen Close in "Fatal Attraction", but she can sing and has a barrel body if you do not like breasts! (Flashback after his football training in the showers) My body me is anything! I had a hair in the ear, the other day and I have to spend oil spray pain on my shins several times a day because of growing pains. It smells really bad, but I mask the smell with lots of flavor. It's hard being a guy my age (flashback of the night: he plays to the console) between the Glee Club, football, my popularity, I'm like overwhelmed. Everyone expects something from me and I do not have enough energy for everything! I do not know how people are important as the chairs or presenters or JT Boss of the Mafia.My mother says I scatter, so I stopped doing my homework, but it did not help. All I know is that last night I popped in two. At level 2! I was completely H.S. Finn really wakes up in the hall of the Glee Club Kurt: It drooling (his voice is attenuated as it is Finn who hears it and he is not awake) Puck (echoing): Oh! You wake up? Finn (half fried on): It looks great! Puck: I said we could not let them beat us! Finn: Sorry, sometimes, but when I concentrate, it helps me to close my eyes! Arty: Let's make a mash up of "It's my life" and "Confessions" by Usher. Puck: Should we add a little stomp with lids of garbage cans, right? Arty: Puck, with all due respect, you're more useful when ... (we no longer hear because Finn went back to sleep) Puck: Oh! What happened to you? Go see the nurse. Every day, I told her I've hurt my skull and I sleep for three hours. I've never been in math class actually me! Finn: Thanks guys! Keep up the great work! Scene 9: Ballroom - all girls club Santana plucks eyebrows and stretches Britanny Rachel: O.K girls, we must begin. Santana: We gotta warms us! Rachel: Where is Quinn? Britanny: Surely the mall in search of stretch pants. all the girls laugh, except Rachel Rachel: Mr. Schuester is right girls, we must not rest on our laurels. Mercedes: Relax! I already have the songs: we'll do a mash up with "Halo" and "Walking on Sunshine." Rachel: Yes, it was my idea! Mercedes: And then? We could do that with closed eyes. You really think these zozos will endanger us? One only has to improvise! Rachel: You can not improvise! Mercedes: So who is to improvise? (No one raises his hand) and who opposes it (Rachel raises her hand). Looks like the "yes" prevail! Scene 10: Infirmary - Terri and Finn Terri: Hello! What can I do for you? Finn: Hello, Mrs. Schuester. I'm Finn Hudson. I am in the Glee Club. Terri: Oh! Finn hello! Oh, one second! You're the one who is dating Quinn Fabray? Finn: Yes, why? Terri: You have really good bone structure! Finn: Yes. I am very tired lately and I wondered if I could lie down here? Terri: And if you sat? Tell me a bit about your sleep habits. About what time you go to bed? Finn: Oh, I know nothing! When the erotic channels recovering to go classic movies. I feel a little tired but now I can not fall asleep. As if my brain would not stop! Terri: And what are you thinking? Oh, you can be honest with me.Everything is kept confidential when you come here! Finn: Ok! Soccer games, girls, chores, not to, girls ... Terri: For girls? But you go out with Quinn Fabray! Finn: Yeah, but uh ... You think a guy can love two girls at once? Terri: No! You know, flirting is wrong and revenge of a woman cocue, it is rather a ruckus! Finn: I can take my nap now? Terri: You want to sleep all your life, Finn? Finn: No, but I read that teens should sleep more than children! Terri: When I was in high school I was captain of the cheerleaders, I had never less than 18 medium, I cultivated my popularity and I had engaged in a romantic relationship with my future husband! Whoa! I do not even know how I coped! Wait a minute! If I know! She rummages in his drawers and pulls out her bag she pulls out a box of medicine Pseudoephedrine! This is what they put in all decongestants to avoid soporific effect. It is as if it was a bit of a vitamin! In your place I would take those two little blue things every morning to be all fired up all day! Finn: That risk anything? Terri: It is not prescribed; they put them next to candy. Sweetie, I'm a nurse, I know what I do! (She holds up a glass of water to Finn to take the pills. He hesitates two seconds then swallow them all at once) Scene 11: Hall Glee Club - Will and the boys club Finn returns in top form Finn: Hey, guys! So it rolls? Ah that's a wonderful day! How would you like that again! Ah, I can not wait to repeat! I'm ready, I'm too excited and you guys? (He pushes one of his friends) Come on, get up! Go, shoo, we will move all those big muscles! Arty (worried): Is it that you were captured by little green men under caffeine? Finn: No, I went to see the nurse and she gave me a great vitamin! There, I too want to repeat! Besides, if we were rehearsing! And then we can build a big house for the homeless! Puck: What was that like vitamin? Kurt: Vitamin C! "Vogue" says it raises the energy level and it illuminates the complexion! Finn: Vitamin D! And I brought back for you guys! He launched the package in Puck It's my life / Confession Will: It's amazing, guys! It's crazy! I did not know you had it in you! Looks like someone poured something in your apple juice. Wouh! Girls, you've got to give everything tomorrow, otherwise ... the communal already have their opening number! Scene 12: Corridor-Rachel and Quinn Quinn goes to his locker Rachel: I've not seen the rehearsals of the Club! Quinn: I'm not a superwoman. I know that the choir is all your life. I have the cheerleaders, the role of leader, I have friends! Rachel: You're not to be embarrassed, no one judge you in the club!Listen, I know everyone expects us to be two enemies in competition, but I have no hatred towards you! Quinn: Why? I was horrible with you. Rachel: That was before you know how it feels to be me: an outsider.More and more people will notice it and you'll need friends who understand you. Quinn: How can you understand what I'm going through? Rachel: Do not you see that everyone whispers when I get to the canteen that made pornographic drawings of me in the toilet? Quinn: That was me, actually ... Rachel: Look, I not agree with the decision you have taken, but you'll need the choir! He will still have seven months of your youth, you should enjoy it. This is true in a few months, this uniform Cheeleader not you go any more and it will remain for us! So back to rehearsals; guys against girls is fun and we will be able to use your voice! You're a gifted singer Quinn, sometimes a little sharp but is that you do not have my years of practice! Quinn: I would have tortured if the roles were reversed, you know! Rachel: I know. Scene 13: Nursing and the Office store The Feast of the quilt - Terri and Howard Terri is on the phone with Howard Bamboo Terri: Hello, this is Terri. Howard: Hi Terri, here Howard Bamboo. Terri: Yes, I know Howard! Ok, you know I moonlights as a nurse, I need a service. Howard: Oh, ok. Terri Go to the drugstore to buy a few boxes of decongestant, I have a lot more and I want high school students McKinnley be happy and healthy! Howard: Uh ... How many boxes? Terri: Well ... 36 Ken arrives and she hangs up Ken: Hi Terri! Terri: Oh, hello Ken! What's the matter? Ken: We can speak frankly? Listen, we have a problem, I think my girlfriend is in love with your husband and I would not be surprised that this feeling is shared! Terri (nervous): And how long does it last? Ken: I do not know ... Few months. I see them all the time together, they laugh, they talk, all she does with me! Terri: I knew something was up! She has not taken her eyes one minute during the show grotesque Acaffelas. Ken: Look, do Will you talked about? Terri: Oh no! He is too smart for that! Finally, too, but still! Ken, I must be honest with you: I have taken this job in order to keep an eye on him. It is imperative that we stop all this so I can leave here. You see, I am not made to work five days a week! Ken: I thought maybe if you and I began to attend could neutralize their stuff! Terri: Are you all right to bed because when it does most is that something is wrong! Ken: Actually, it has not ... It has not had s*x for the moment. She does not like being touched by me! I love her so much! (He begins to sob) Terri (she gets up and goes to him): Ok! I'll be fine (she comforted Ken).There, there! Ken: Look at us both. You, me and pregnant with my psoriasis and my testicle that is not down. I do not know for whom I am most sorry ... Terri: Ok, good enough. You know what? Stop acting like the big baby! I can arrange that if you behave like a guy! Ken: Ok, I'm sorry! Terri: That's what you gonna do: you'll run into the nearest department store to buy her an engagement ring, then you will put on one knee and you'll ask her to marry this little doe-eyed whore! Ken: No! That I can not do it! And if she says no? It could kill me! Terri (handing him his vitamins): You take two pills and nothing will make you more afraid! Scene 14: Hall Glee Club - The girls of the cast, Kurt, Will and Emma Rachel: I told you girls! Santana: We are aware! It's about an hour until you pass us a soap! Quinn: They were good at this point? Rachel: Excellent, Quinn! I agreed to make arrangements, choreography, staging free but we underestimated the boys. They will be the number of municipal and again I will be humiliated! Mercedes: How could we know they were going to tear up as? They are not good in general! Tina: C C How did they manage? Kurt: The real question is: what did they take? Although I am in a group with boys, my allegiance to you to the girls. They declined my proposals we make braids and found all my artistic decisions too costly because qu'impliquant several varieties of exotic bird feathers. It was in substance! Scene 15: Corridor - Will Finn and Rachel Finn (by typing in a player's hand): Dude! I developed all the upcoming matches! Yeah! Hey, Mr. Schuester, I introduced the paper on your desk. Will: That's in two weeks! Finn: Excellent I like the trend! Rachel (furious): Cheaters! Finn: Uh ... I do not know what you mean! Rachel: You have taken illegal substances before your mash up! This is Kurt told me. This is deplorable, despicable and it's really ugly! And that's cheating. From now on I'll call Finn Johnson! Finn: Hey, not attack me! I'm not Ben Johnson, I have never taken steroids. I heard that it softened the thing! Hear Rachel, you do not realize the pressure that I have! Rachel: We're all under pressure but you know how I manage? Naturally, with a strict diet and exercise everyday! Flashbacks of waking Rachel (voiceover): I wake up at six o'clock every day, I drink a protein milkshake with bananas and flax seed oil and six ten I'm on my elliptical trainer. You know how I tick? Not with something artificial! I give myself a goal and I will not stop until I reach it! End of flashback Finn: Yes, but it's personal pressure, if you succeed it does not look as you! I am a quarterback, lead singer and I have my pregnant girlfriend who only scream for ice cream! So yes, maybe I just helped my team, but that's just because I'm tired of working so much and never win! Rachel: Yes, but winning by cheating is not winning! Finn: Oh, I do not blow it here! The only thing that makes you sick is that you will surely lose! Rachel: Oh, I'm offended by this accusation! You have not yet seen our performance but our mash up is spectacular! Finn: You can not be better! We will win, you lose, accept it! Scene 16: Infirmary - Terri Howard and girls club Terri: Each will take his dose, except Quinn. Get folic acid (she whispers in his ear: "Mom, it's good for the baby! '). Hey, hurry up, Howard, patients wait! Rachel: Are you sure we should do that? Terri: Oh, it's sold without a prescription, it is safe, you can trust me! (They swallow all their pills) [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 17: Teachers' Corner - Ken, Will, Emma and Terri Ken made copies very quickly due to vitamin D Will: What is he, Ken? Terri: Do not you think he looks like? I make him take additional vitamins! Will: And that no risk? After all, you're not really nurse Terri! Terri: Do not criticize my work, Will! Plus I really starting to get used to it. Emma enters the room Emma: Hi! Terri (getting closer to Will): It is not pleasant? How long have you had any breakfast both a weekday? Oh honey, you got a little mustard on ...(She tries to remove him, kissing him, but Will suddenly departs) Will: But Terri finally! I work here myself! Terri: Sorry it's just that my hormones revved up completely when I see you! Will: Listen! You're here, it is harmful to our marriage. Terri: Ha! Spending time together is harmful to our marriage? Will: Not every minute! There is no separation! We usually go home at night and we discussour days. There is nothing more to tell! Flashback on the eve of their meal Terri: There were lots of ants on the sidewalk today. Will: In this season, it's strange! End of flashback Terri: Exactly! It forces us to broaden our intellectual horizons! (Will gets up) Where are you going? Will: In the toilet! Terri: I'm coming too. Will: No! I love you, okay? But I need my space! Terri goes to Ken Terri: Take a chance, Ken! Ken: What? Here, there, now? Terri: Yes! Ken: Hi Emma! Emma: Hi Ken. (He kneels) What are you doing? Ken: Emma, I know that between us is not perfect: not you ride in my car, I can only touch your wrist. Once you've even cried for an hour because my elbow touched your breast. But I think about you all the time! Every night before going to bed, I kiss the picture of us at the fair. (He rummages in his banana and out the engagement ring) Emma: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! While it does not happen!It's a dream! Ken: Emma Pillsbury, is not an engagement ring! Emma: Wow! Oh, thank you God! Ken: No, I mean ... It is but it's more than that, it's a promise. Listen, Emma, I know you have this thing with dirt. I know if I gather up my pants or I'll clean after my shower. But I can promise you that I will wipe your life of sadness, loneliness and all the dark clouds that can float above. (He opens the box) This is the cubic zirconium. I know you've been hit by "Blood Diamond". Emma Pillsbury, my little sweet, will you marry me? Scene 18: Hall Glee Club Rachel: Thank you very much! It is a pleasure! While boys have chosen a selection of songs recounting the life choices and responsible sexual appetite of today's teenagers, we chose a selection of songs that speak to the entire nation in these troubled times by the economic uncertainty and growing social evil because if there's two things that our country lacks is sunshine and optimism (Kurt puts his sunglasses) and angels too! Ok? Halo / Walking on sunshine Everyone applauds Will: Girls, I do not know what to tell you! You were all incredible. Oh, I do not know what you did but also continue. Our judge will not be easy. Hey, great job girls! (Will takes Rachel in his arms) Ha, okay! Goodbye. Wouh, wow! (It is close to Emma) Emma, uh ... If you walked a little? Emma: Yes. I think your plan worked. By instilling a sense of healthy competition to these young people, I think you have them motivated. Will: Well, actually, I consider you a conspirator. We found the whole idea.So it is true that Ken asked her to marry you? Emma: Yes, yes, it's true. Will: You gonna do? Emma: I do not know yet ... Did you know ... Do you see other options available to me? Will: And that's ... This is reason enough to get married? Emma: It's not what I asked you! (Terri sees them talking together and it did not seem to please him) Scene 19: Office of Emma Emma and Terri- Terri comes in and closes the door Terri: Emma? Emma (a frightened air): Terri! Hem ... Hello! Is what I can do something for you? Terri: I just wanna play cards on the table. The situation is a bit tricky since I work here so I wanted to lighten the mood. Emma: Oh! It's very nice of you! But sit down. Terri: You have no chance with my husband. You have understood? Oh, you think there is a competition between you and me, but it would mean that a nail can fight a hammer! Emma: Terri, Will is a good man! He is kind, he is generous and I know he deserves better than you! Terri: Emma, Will is my husband. Look at yourself, you feel superior because you like it to a man you see an hour or two a day? You are a little harmless dove. You are so innocent that you would steal a husband to his pregnant wife? Emma (guilty): Yes. Terri: I'll give you a tip, baby: marry Ken Tanaka. Oh sure, it is stupid as a donkey and its potpourri of nationalities surely expose your children to a lot of genetic diseases, but it is nice, he is generous, and it's available! she leaves the office, leaving Emma alone and disoriented Scene 20: Corridor of the school - and Terri Quinn Quinn: Mrs. Schuester, we have to talk about the baby. Terri: Are you okay? Wait, you will not have it now? Quinn: What? No! You are not supposed to be a nurse? I've been thinking about your offer. Terri: Yes? Quinn: I like my life. I also like being a cheerleader and I can not believe I will say this, but I really love being in the Glee Club. I have all these incredible things in my life and sometimes I think it's great. I can not raise a baby! Terri: You know, frankly, I do not know how you do today! I've never ... I've never drooled that much when I was your age, even if we had not as many cable channels you. And Finn is also okay? I would not want there to fight with dad when you confieras me the baby! Quinn: He's the reason I do this. It's a boy so well, and he internalizes all this pressure. It will have a heart attack. And I do not want Mr. Schuester is aware of all that either! I do not want to hurt her. Terri: Your secret is safe with me. I have more to lose than you! Quinn: One more thing: when you gave me these vitamins for the baby, I appreciated your gesture, but I will have to pay those invoices to the doctor and I'm going to need maternity clothes. Terri: You want me, I pay you? Quinn: It'll be your baby! Terri: So, I'll pay the bills for eighteen years. You might as well charge you nine months. Listen, you chose the right solution. Quinn: It's the best thing for everyone. Eh? Scene 21: Locker room of soccer - Emma and Ken Ken clears his notes on the board for Emma advance stealthily, terrified by so many dirt Emma: Hi! Ken (turning surprised and pleased): Hi! Emma: I will not ... I can not stay here long because of germs, you know, and because of the smell, but I have a question. Ken: Anything you want, Emma. Emma: Well, what ... What does it mean to marry, exactly? Because I want to keep my name and I want us to continue to live in different places. And I think it would be better if we did not see himself after class! Ken: Of course! Emma: And I would not of great ceremony, you know in a church full of people. It would have invited person. Besides, you see, nor tell anyone. It would be more of a secret wedding! Ken: It's a better answer than I expected! Emma: You're a good person, Ken! And I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone and I know that either! Ken: So, is that it's yes? Scene 22: Corridors outside - Rachel and Finn Rachel Finn crosses the hallway when suddenly before it happens Finn: So Rachel shape? Super mash up! You were so full of energy! Rachel: We have taken on such great athletes, period! It's not cheating if everyone does it. It has just made equal! Finn: You really think that? Rachel: No! You make me feel really bad, even if it wins, it will ever satisfying! Finn: I know. Our passage, I even remember! It is how? Rachel: I think the only thing to do is to withdraw from the competition.You see, admit you were wrong and disqualify our respective teams right away. Nobody will win! Finn: Cool! (They start walking) Rachel: By the way, sorry for what I told you the other day when I said you were despicable and deplorable. Finn: Oh, that's okay, I even know what that means! Rachel: Uh ... Finn, what I wanted to tell you is that I let myself be carried away in the hysteria of the competition. My goals are too selfish. I think it's time for me to stop trying to compete with others and begin to fight alongside them! Scene 23: Office Figgins - Will, Terri and Mr. Figgins Will: Damn! Who do you think? You gave the drug to my students! Terri: I've already said, it is sold without a prescription. It is approved by the competent authorities and if it had not come from me, I'm sure the children have found themselves! Will: No, no, not at all! They are great! Terri: It's not that bad! Figgins: Bamboo Howard was arrested ... Flashback to his arrest Police officers rushed upon him while he takes boxes of medicines on the shelf of the store Back at the office of Figgins Terri: Oh, yes, yes! Will: Wait! What? Figgins: Pseudoephedrine is an ingredient in methamphetamines fabricaton. Howard has been tightened by cops on suspicion of running a clandestine laboratory. Terri: I never told Howard to keep everything in one place! Will: Enough is enough, Terri! How we are supposed to raise a baby so ... If I can not let you watch a group of teens. You're completely unaware of the consequences! Terri: I wanted to give you a hand, Will! Will: Avoid! Every time there is a spark that lights in my life, you always find a way for it turns into fire! Figgins: I have serious doubts about your judgment, Ms. Schuester! I'll have to ask you to resign your position! Terri: Great! I worked too much anyway. (Will gets up) Figgins: Do not Leave Schuester! I would have some doubts about your judgment for you too! Will: What? I was not at all aware of this story! Figgins: Exactly! Children count on you to pass on your culture and you, with your obsession with winning and competition, you have created this dangerous atmosphere. I'll hire someone else to co-lead the glee club.Someone who has proven in terms of responsibility and excellence! Scene 24: Hall Glee Club - Will and Club members to complete Finn: We're sorry M; Schuester! Rachel: We did not want to cause you problems! Will: You have really disappointed! In this choir this is what you have in your heart, not what you inject into the veins! Rachel: We know and I think I speak for everyone in saying we would go ahead and leave this episode behind us. Will: Yes, but it's not so simple, because that because of this debacle it was decided that I could no longer lead the glee club alone. We were assigned a co-director. Rachel: Who? Sue arrives from the corridor Sue: Hi, kids! Ha ha! I must confess that I am delighted to board for your kind co-govern cruise showbiz. Ha! I look forward to sing, dance and maybe even me a little fart! Scene 25: Corridor - Will and Emma Will leaves the rehearsal room and calls out Emma Emma: Will. I preferred that it be me who the ad. You know Ken asked me to marry him. I said yes. Will: It's ... It's great! (Emma and leaves from Will stunned by the news. They turn everyone down the hall and looks of disappointment crossed) Scene 26: Chamber of Rachel - Rachel She inspects the box of pseudoephedrine, rises from his bed and throws it away. She turns on her stereo and climbs on her elliptical trainer, determined to achieve his goal: The communal!
doc_108	The Massacre (of St. Bartholomew's Eve) by John Lucarotti first broadcast - 26th February, 1966 [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. PRESLIN'S SHOP (ANNE has spent the night alone in PRESLIN'S shop. STEVEN pounds on the door startling her until she hears his voice.) STEVEN: Anne! Anne, are you there? Anne! (ANNE answers the door and lets an exhausted STEVEN in.) ANNE: Oh, monsieur! I'd given you up for lost when you didn't come back last night and I thought the guards must have caught you. STEVEN: (Breathless.) Yes, they nearly did. I managed to shake them off. I'm sorry, the curfew rang before I could get back last night. The guards were still looking for me this morning. That's why I've been so long. (He takes his sword off.) ANNE: Did you see Monsieur Muss and give him your message? STEVEN: Oh, yes. The warning was too late. (He puts his sword down.) ANNE: What will you do now? Go back to your friend? The Doctor. STEVEN: (Despondent.) I can't Anne. He's dead. ANNE: (Shocked.) Monsieur! STEVEN: I saw his body lying in the street by the Abbot's house. Before I could do anything Roger Colbert saw me and sent the guards after me again. Heaven knows what I'll do now. (He thinks for a second.) ANNE: Return to England? STEVEN: I can't. I've got to find the key to the TARDIS. ANNE: What Monsieur? STEVEN: The Doctor has a special key. Without it I can't leave. ANNE: Well do you know where it is? STEVEN: No. If the Doctor had it with him then I'm lost. I...I didn't had time to look for it. My only hope is that it's still with his own clothes. ANNE: Could it be at the Abbot's house? STEVEN: Oh, no. No. He'd have had to change before he went there. The only other place I think he's been to is...is the shop. ANNE: Oh, but we've already searched here, monsieur, looking for clothes for you. STEVEN: Anne, we must do it again! Please help me. Open every cupboard, every box. I must find that key. ANNE: Right, monsieur. (They start to search.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. THE LOUVRE (SIMON is reporting to MARSHAL TAVANNES.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: It may hinder the inquiry into the attempted assassination of de Coligny. SIMON: Surely the King is insisting that de Coligny is avenged? MARSHAL TAVANNES: He is. But by blaming the death of the Abbot on the Huguenots we may be able to cover our tracks. SIMON: Will the King pay any attention to the Abbot's death? MARSHAL TAVANNES: I don't know. Fortunately the Admiral himself is helping us. He doesn't want the inquiry yet so that may give us a little time. SIMON: Therefore the Englishman must be caught. MARSHAL TAVANNES: And killed. He must not be allowed to get back to the Abbot's house. SIMON: The men are searching Paris for him. MARSHAL TAVANNES: He must be found tonight. Tomorrow is St. Bartholomew's Day and it will be all too easy for him to evade us in the revelry. (A messenger knocks at the door and enters, giving a written message to TAVANNES. He reads it.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: The Queen Mother. She commands me to go to her. No doubt she has thought of some further scheme to protect her good name. (He goes to the door.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: Wait for me here, Simon. I may have more instructions for you when I get back. (He leaves. SIMON picks up the message and reads it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. PRESLIN'S SHOP (STEVEN and ANNE have almost ransacked the shop in their search for the DOCTOR'S clothes. Items of clothing litter the floor. ANNE comes from another part of the shop after her search.) STEVEN: Well? ANNE: Nothing, monsieur. There's no sign of your friend's clothes anywhere. STEVEN: They must be here. ANNE: All I've found was this. (ANNE shows STEVEN the DOCTOR'S stick.) STEVEN: But... but this is his stick! ANNE: Your friend's? STEVEN: Yes. Well his clothes must be here somewhere! Where did you find it? ANNE: In the back, monsieur. But there are no clothes there. STEVEN: Are you sure? ANNE: Yes. I've searched everywhere! STEVEN: Then why the stick? He...he couldn't have pretended to be the Abbot dressed as he was. So he must have changed somewhere. But where? ANNE: Perhaps he went away somewhere with the apothecary who used to live here? STEVEN: With Preslin? No he couldn't. ANNE: Why not? STEVEN: Because Preslin is either dead or in prison. DOCTOR: He is not. (They turn round. The DOCTOR has entered the shop!.) STEVEN: (Shocked.) Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. DE COLIGNY'S RESIDENCE (GASTON has come to visit a still weak DE COLIGNY.) GASTON: The Catholics will not rest until you are dead! ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: (Weakly.) You are too impetuous, Vicomte. TELIGNY: The King is determined to prevent a further attempt. Why else do you think he's put so heavy a guard on this house? GASTON: A Catholic guard under a Catholic commander! The Admiral could hardly be in the care of a greater enemy. TELIGNY: He is under the protection of the King. GASTON: And the Queen Mother. NICHOLAS: Gaston, you are tiring the Admiral. Doing yourself an injustice. You had better return to the Louvre. GASTON: No! (He goes over to DE COLIGNY.) GASTON: If I were to leave Paris it would be better for you and for us. NICHOLAS: The surgeons said the Admiral must not be moved. GASTON: Then may God protect you. (GASTON leaves the house.) ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: (Weakly.) I hope Henri of Navarre realises how dangerous it is to have such a hothead in his service. TELIGNY: He must be wrong. The commander wouldn't dare to disobey the King after what has happened. NICHOLAS: Let us hope so. Is there anything you need, Admiral? ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: (Quietly.) Stay with me. NICHOLAS: Of course. TELIGNY: We must be grateful that the wounds are not poisoned. So that there is no fear of you dying. ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: I do fear death. I only hope that we have nothing to fear from my staying alive. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. PRESLIN'S SHOP (STEVEN has told the DOCTOR of the recent events.) DOCTOR: Oh, my dear boy, had you stayed at the tavern all this mix-up could have been avoided. STEVEN: (Angry.) I did stay in the tavern, you didn't turn up! DOCTOR: Yes, well, I was unavoidably delayed. Never mind that now. Come along, we must go. Come along. ANNE: You can't now, monsieur. The curfew's rung. DOCTOR: What? Oh that wretched curfew is the start of so much trouble. ANNE: It'd be easy to leave Paris in the morning, monsieur. Tomorrow is St. Bartholomew's Day and everyone will be celebrating. STEVEN: Huh! With all the trouble that's going on I can't see what they've got to celebrate. DOCTOR: I told you not to get involved. STEVEN: Look, I tried not to but the Abbot did look like you. If I hadn't found out about Admiral de Coligny being the 'Sea Beggar' then... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) What's that? STEVEN: I tried to tell you before. Admiral de Coligny is one of the Huguenot leaders. The Catholics tried to shoot him. DOCTOR: (To ANNE.) Did you say tomorrow was St. Bartholomew's Day, child? ANNE: Yes, monsieur. DOCTOR: What year is this, my boy? STEVEN: I don't know. What difference does it make? DOCTOR: What date is it, child? ANNE: Date monsieur? August the twenty-third. As I said, tomorrow's... DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, I know that. The year, the year... hmm? ANNE: (Smiles.) 1572, monsieur. But surely you know that? (The DOCTOR, worried at this information, thinks, then...) DOCTOR: Go home, Anne. You must leave here at once. ANNE: No, I've got nowhere to go! DOCTOR: Where were you working? ANNE: At the Abbot's house. DOCTOR: You go back there. ANNE: (Shouts.) I can't! They'll kill me! DOCTOR: You must leave this shop, child. STEVEN: Doctor, what's happening? DOCTOR: Oh please don't interfere. (To ANNE.) Now, my dear, there must be somewhere you can stay in Paris? ANNE: No, there's only my aunt's place, and they'll kill me there. DOCTOR: Oh, nonsense. Tonight, you will be quite safe. Now you go carefully through the streets, hmm? ANNE: Well, what about the curfew? DOCTOR: Well you've been out in the curfew before haven't you? ANNE: Yes, but the guards... DOCTOR: Then you know how to avoid the patrols. You go back to your aunt; you'll be quite safe. And you take my advice and stay indoors tomorrow. Now do you understand? It's too dangerous for you to stay here. Now off you go, child. Come along, off, off, off! STEVEN: But, Doctor, I don't think it's... DOCTOR: Ah, shh, shh, shh! ANNE: Goodbye then, Steven. Safe journey. STEVEN: Doctor, I don't think she should go. DOCTOR: Now out you go, my child. Off you go. (ANNE leaves.) STEVEN: Bye. (To the DOCTOR.) Look, are you sure she'll be all right? The guards are waiting for her. DOCTOR: My dear Steven, the Catholics will have other things on their minds tonight. She will be quite safe. Now then, you and I must leave Paris at once. Come! STEVEN: Look, Doctor, what is going on? DOCTOR: There is no time for me to explain. Come along, boy. Come along! [SCENE_BREAK] 6. THE LOUVRE (The Queen Mother enters the study of TAVANNES where he is writing a paper. He does not look up.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: Simon? CATHERINE DE MEDICI: The Queen Mother. (TAVANNES gets quickly to his feet.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: Madame, I apologise, I thought... CATHERINE DE MEDICI: Never mind. I have it here - the order signed by the King. Our plans for tomorrow can go ahead. (She passes him a document which he quickly reads.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: Thank God! CATHERINE DE MEDICI: God had very little to do with it. (TAVANNES in turn passes her the paper he has been writing.) CATHERINE DE MEDICI: What's this? MARSHAL TAVANNES: The list, madam. When those Huguenots are killed we need have no further fear of a Protestant France. CATHERINE DE MEDICI: We have no need of lists, Marshall. The good people of Paris know their enemies. They will take care of them. MARSHAL TAVANNES: (Shocked.) The good people...? Madam, if you rouse the mob the innocent will perish with the guilty. CATHERINE DE MEDICI: Innocent? Heresy can have no innocence. France will breath a pure air after tomorrow. MARSHAL TAVANNES: And,... Navarre, madam? Your son-in-law? Is he to be slaughtered with the others? CATHERINE DE MEDICI: Tomorrow Henri of Navarre will pay for his pretensions to the Crown. MARSHAL TAVANNES: Madam, we must not kill Navarre. CATHERINE DE MEDICI: Must not? MARSHAL TAVANNES: Protestant Europe will merely shed a pious tear over the death of a few thousand Huguenots. The death of a prince will launch a Holy War. CATHERINE DE MEDICI: (After a thoughtful pause.) If one Huguenot life escapes me tomorrow, we may both regret this act of mercy. MARSHAL TAVANNES: Not mercy, madam. Policy. CATHERINE DE MEDICI: (Considers.) Very well, Marshall. Then you must get him out of Paris. After tomorrow, even I will not save him. MARSHAL TAVANNES: I will see to it, madam. CATHERINE DE MEDICI: And, Marshall - close the gates of the city now. (The Queen Mother leaves the room. SIMON enters.) SIMON: Well, my lord? MARSHAL TAVANNES: The order has been given. You may begin. SIMON: My men are ready. Where is the list? MARSHAL TAVANNES: There is no list. SIMON: But I thought... MARSHAL TAVANNES: We are to unleash the wolves of Paris. None are to be spared. SIMON: (Pleased.) Even better, my lord. MARSHAL TAVANNES: Is it? I wonder...Simon, when you have passed on the order I have a special charge for you. SIMON: My lord? MARSHAL TAVANNES: Henri of Navarre. SIMON: I am to have the honour? MARSHAL TAVANNES: Yes. But not of killing him. You will escort him out of Paris. SIMON: (Cries out.) But, my lord... MARSHAL TAVANNES: Did you not hear me? You will be responsible for his safety. You will have to leave tomorrow's work to others. Now get out. (SIMON leaves.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: At dawn tomorrow, this city will weep tears of blood. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. THE STREET OUTSIDE OF DE COLGINY'S RESIDENCE (Two soldiers are on guard.) FIRST GUARD: Oh well, it's nearly dawn. SECOND GUARD: How many more nights have we got to watch over this Huguenot's house? FIRST GUARD: Till the King decrees otherwise. SECOND GUARD: But why does it have to be us? (Out of sight of the GUARDS, the DOCTOR and STEVEN can see that their way is blocked.) DOCTOR: We shall have to get past them to get back to the TARDIS. STEVEN: Can we make a run for it? DOCTOR: Oh no, no, no. It's far too dangerous. STEVEN: What do we do? DOCTOR: For the moment we just wait. (The GUARDS continue their conversation.) FIRST GUARD: Won't be sorry to see the night over. SECOND GUARD: Hello, what's this? (Some more soldiers are marching towards them.) FIRST GUARD: More orders I expect. OFFICER: You're relieved. Go back to your quarters. FIRST GUARD: Relieved, sir? It's not due for an hour or more. OFFICER: Don't argue. Go quickly! (The two GUARDS depart. The others take their place.) STEVEN: Look, Doctor, soon it'll be light. DOCTOR: I know, I know. Just keep quiet. (The curfew bell begins to sound.) DOCTOR: There's the Tocsin! The curfew's been lifted. (He and STEVEN skirt round the soldiers and dash through the concealing gate and into the TARDIS. the soldiers begin battering at the door of DE COLIGNY'S house.) OFFICER: Open up! In the King's name! Open this door! (The TARDIS dematerialises. The sound can now be heard of the Paris mob rampaging through the streets slaughtering Huguenots. The massacre has begun...) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (Within the TARDIS, STEVEN broods on what has happened, then...) STEVEN: Surely there was something we could have done? DOCTOR: No, nothing. Nothing. In any case, I cannot change the course of history, you know that. The Massacre continued for several days in Paris, then...then spread itself to other parts of France. Oh the senseless waste. What a terrible page of the past. STEVEN: Did they all die? DOCTOR: Yes. Most of them. About ten thousand in Paris alone. STEVEN: The Admiral? DOCTOR: Yes. STEVEN: Nicholas? DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Probably. STEVEN: (Angry.) You had to leave Anne Chaplet, there to die! DOCTOR: Anne Chaplet? STEVEN: (Shouts.) The girl! The girl who was with me! If you'd brought her with us she needn't have died. But no, you had to leave her there to be slaughtered. DOCTOR: Well, it is possible of course she didn't die, then I was right to leave her. STEVEN: (Shouts.) Possible! Look, how possible! That girl was already hunted by the Catholic guards. If they killed ten thousand how did they spare her? No, you don't know, do you? You can't say for certain that you weren't responsible for that girl's death. DOCTOR: I was not responsible. STEVEN: Oh no! You just sent her back to her aunt's house where the guards were waiting to catch her. I tell you this much, Doctor, wherever this machine of yours lands next I'm getting off. If your... 'researches' have so little regard for human life then I want no part of it. (The ship travels on in uneasy silence for a few moments more, then starts to materialise. The DOCTOR checks the controls. On the scanner appears an image of woodland.) DOCTOR: We've landed. (He activates some more controls.) DOCTOR: Your mind is made up? (STEVEN opens the TARDIS doors and turns to leave.) STEVEN: Goodbye. DOCTOR: My dear Steven, history sometimes gives us a terrible shock. That is because we don't quite fully understand. Why should we? After all, we're all too small to realise its final pattern. Therefore, don't try and judge it from where you stand. I was right to do as I did. Yes, that I firmly believe. (STEVEN walks out of the TARDIS without a word. The DOCTOR is totally alone.) DOCTOR: Even after all this time he cannot understand. I dare not change the course of history. Well, at least I taught him to take some precautions. He did remember to look at the scanner before he opened the doors. Now... they're all gone. All gone. None of them...could understand. Not even...my little Susan...or Vicki ...and yes ... Barbara and Chatterton... Chesterton! They were all too impatient to get back to their own time. And now... Steven. Perhaps I should go home, back to my own planet. But I can't. (Upset.) I can't. [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. WIMBLEDON COMMON (Outside, a young GIRL, looking very anxious, runs down the lane beside the TARDIS. She passes a woman bystander, sees the police box and bursts inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (Breathlessly, she stares around her. The DOCTOR spots her.) DOCTOR: Who are you? GIRL: Where's the telephone? DOCTOR: What did you say? GIRL: The telephone, I've got to ring up! DOCTOR: Oh, pull yourself together, child. I... I think you've made a mistake. GIRL: Who are you? Are you the police? DOCTOR: Oh good gracious of course not, hmm. GIRL: Well, this is a police box. It says so outside. DOCTOR: Yes, yes. I, I know. But it isn't, if you know what I mean. Now run along and find another police box. In any case, child, what do you want to do with the police? GIRL: There's been an accident. A little boy's been hurt and I've got to 'phone the police. DOCTOR: Oh well, I'm afraid I can't help you. No, you must run along and 'phone the police somewhere else. And the same time 'phone for an ambulance. GIRL: Wait a minute, if this isn't a police box, what is it? And who are you? DOCTOR: Well, my dear, er, I'm a doctor of science, and this machine is for travelling through time and relative dimensions in space. Now you... GIRL: Come again? DOCTOR: Oh never mind, my dear. Never mind, run along. (He laughs.) GIRL: There's something odd going on. DOCTOR: (Exasperated.) Oh please, child... (The DOCTOR is interrupted by STEVEN charging back into the TARDIS.) STEVEN: Doctor, quick! You've got to take off. DOCTOR: Oh, so you've come back, my boy! STEVEN: Yes, yes, I've come back. We can't go into that now. There are two policemen coming over the common towards the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Policemen? Coming here? Good gracious me! They'll want to use the telephone or, or something like it. (The DOCTOR closes the TARDIS doors and dematerialises the ship.) STEVEN: Oh, that was close. DOCTOR: Well, tell me, young man, what made you change your mind? (STEVEN ignores the DOCTOR as he suddenly notices the GIRL.) STEVEN: How did you get in here? GIRL: On me feet, the same as you did. STEVEN: Look, do you realise what's happening? We've taken off! We could land anywhere! GIRL: Are we really travelling? Where to? STEVEN: We're travelling in time and space. We're not on Earth any more. We could land anywhere in any age. GIRL: (Laughing.) Tell us another one! STEVEN: Doctor, how could you? DOCTOR: What else could I do, dear boy? You don't want a couple of policemen aboard the TARDIS do you? You know you're the most inconsistent young man? Just now you were telling me off for not having that Chaplet girl aboard! STEVEN: Ah, that was different! (STEVEN returns his attention to the GIRL.) STEVEN: This is no joyride you know. You may never get home again! GIRL: I don't care! STEVEN: What about your parents? GIRL: I haven't got any. I live with my great aunt. And she won't care if she never sees me again. DOCTOR: Oh, now, there you see! All this fuss about nothing! Hmm, hmm, hmm! Don't you think she looks rather like my grandchild Susan? STEVEN: You forget, I've never met your granddaughter. DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no. No, of course not! No. Yes, but she does you know. What is your name, child? DODO: Dodo. DOCTOR: What? DODO: It's Dorothea really. Dorothea Chaplet. STEVEN: (Shocked.) Chaplet?! Yes, but you're not French are you? DODO: Don't be daft! Me granddad was though. STEVEN: Doctor, it's not possible is it? Chaplet? Anne's great great... DOCTOR: Yes, yes, it is possible, my boy. Very possible. Welcome aboard the TARDIS, Miss Dorothea Chaplet. DODO: Dodo! DOCTOR: Ah, my dear! My dear! (The DOCTOR laughs.)
doc_109	[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is eating breakfast as Rachel enters, having just woken up.] Joey: Morning! Rachel: Hi! Oh, how was your date last night? Joey: Pretty good. Rachel: Oh good. (She walks to the closed bathroom door, opens it, and finds a naked woman wrapped in a towel.) Ahhh! My God, sorry! (She closes the door and confronts Joey.) Joey: Okay, really good. Anyway I gotta go; I'm late for work. Rachel: What-what?! You're gonna leave this person with me?! Joey: Yeah-Hey, don't worry, she's a terrific girl. And hey listen, could you do me a favor? When she comes out could you just mention that I'm not looking for a serious relationship; that'd be great. Rachel: Why?! What?! Are you kidding?! Joey: Just casually slip it in, y'know lay the groundwork. Tell her uh, I'm a loner-No! An outlaw! Tell her she doesn't want to get mixed up with the likes of me. Rachel: Y'know what? That's a lot to remember, can't I just tell her you're a pig? Joey: Hey, I'm gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! He'd even make the girl pancakes! Plus, he'd make extras and leave 'em for me. Rachel: Well forget it, I'm not telling that girl anything. That is not my responsibility. Joey: Fine! (Pause) Now, where'd we land on those pancakes? (She chases him out the door as his date emerges from the bathroom.) Joey's Date: Hi! Rachel: Hi. Joey's Date: Sorry about that, but I couldn't get that lock to work on the door. Rachel: Yeah, Joey kinda disabled it when I moved in. Joey's Date: You must be Rachel, I'm Erin. Rachel: Hi. Erin: Hi. I don't mean this to sound like high school, but did he say anything about me? Rachel: (pause) Would you like some pancakes? Opening Credits [Scene: N.Y.U's University Library, Ross is entering with Chandler.] Chandler: ...Come on! Why are we here?! Ross: Okay, okay take a guess. (An old woman pushes a cart full of books past.) Chandler: The hot chicks? Ross: Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer earlier, y'know-y'know for fun, and I typed mine in and guess what came up? My doctoral dissertation! It's here! Yeah, it's right-it's right down here! In the biggest library in the university! (They start heading that way, towards a secluded section behind the racks.) Chandler: Wow that's actually pretty cool. Ross: (stopping quickly) Oh umm, there's also a book here by a woman named Wendy Bagina. (They both laugh, but stop when the hear moaning coming from the next aisle.) What is that? Chandler: Sounds like two people are really enjoying the Dewey decimal system. (They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, let's just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.) Female Student: (as they are moving past Ross) I'm so sorry! Male Student: Sorry! Chandler: You didn't bring me here to do that, did you? [Scene: Monica's Restaurant Kitchen, Monica is cooking as a waitress enters carrying a plate of food that has been sent back.] Monica: She sent the chicken back again?! The Waitress: She says it's too dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants it. Monica: Well fine! I want to meet this chicken expert! Send the Colonel in! (The waitress lets her in as Monica is about to throw a lobster into a pot of boiling water (Although, she hasn't taken off the rubber bands that hold the claws, so she can't be that good a chef). Anyway, guess who the Colonel is by the following phrase.) The Colonel: OH...MY...GAWD!!!! (Yep, it's Janice.) Monica: (to the lobster) Lucky bstrd! (Throws the lobster in and turns around to face the planet's most annoying woman, next to Dr. Laura and Kathy Lee Gifford of course. She's the most annoying female TV character however.) Janice. Janice: How are you Ms. Hot Shot chef with the big fancy restaurant with the best chicken ever! (Does the laugh.) Monica: I'm fine. Janice: (notices Monica's engagement ring) Ohh! What is that on your finger?! I'm blind! Monica: Oh... Uh... Janice: So, who's the lucky guy? [Cut to Monica and Chandler's just after Monica has finished telling Chandler what happened.] Chandler: OH...MY...GAWD! I am so sorry sweetie, are you okay? You didn't tell her we were getting married, did you? Monica: Well, she saw the ring. Chandler: Did she freak out? Monica: Well, she was shocked when I told her, but then again so were most people. Chandler: Right. Monica: Well, she actually has a boyfriend y'know herself, named Clark. Uh, she also kinda invited herself to our wedding. Clark too. Chandler: (laughs) You said no, right? Monica: Huh? Chandler: You said no, right?! Monica: Well, she cornered me! She asked if the wedding was in town! I mean, what was I supposed to do?! Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The check's in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I can't wait to read your book, Ross!! Monica: Come on! So she comes to the wedding! I mean it won't be so bad. Chandler: What do you think, she's just gonna sit there quietly? You don't think she's gonna want to make a toast? You don't think she's gonna want to grab the microphone and sing Part-time Lover?! Monica: Oh my God, she's not gonna like the chicken that night either, is she?! Chandler: Y'know what? It's gonna be okay. Y'know what? She's probably not gonna even want to come. Monica: Really? Chandler: No! That was a lie! See how easy that was? Monica: So-so you would've just lied? Chandler: Yes!! Monica: Would it really have been that easy? Chandler: Yes!!! Monica: Good, so do it Saturday night because we're going to dinner with her and Clark. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is coming back from work to find Phoebe, Rachel, and someone else with her back turned, are there.] Joey: Hey! What's up? Phoebe and Rachel: Hey! Joey: Hey-hey, who's your friend? (Erin turns around to face Joey, startling him) Hey!! Erin: Hey Joey! Joey: Erin! Still here! Rachel: Yeah, we ended up spending the day together and had such a great time! Joey: Why wouldn't ya? Erin is great! Then-then there's you guys. Erin: Ohh, listen. I've got to get going. Today was great, thanks! Rachel: I know! Phoebe: Okay! Erin: Bye Joey. (Kisses him.) Last night was fun. Joey: Yeah. I'll uh, I'll call ya. Rachel: Oh and I'll call ya too! Erin: Or I'll call you! Phoebe: And call me! Joey: (to Erin) Okay, good to see you again. Erin: Bye. Joey: Bye-bye. Rachel: Bye! (Joey closes the door behind her.) Joey: So, system kinda broke down huh?! Rachel: Oh Joey, I'm sorry I just couldn't tell her all those things you wanted me to tell her. And y'know we got to talking and I... Phoebe: We want you to marry her! Joey: What?!! Phoebe: She is so amazing! You have no idea. Joey: No idea? Who do you think brought her here? Rachel: Cupid. Phoebe: Joey, she's so cool. She speaks four languages. Joey: Man, do you know what guys want! Rachel: Look Joey, come on, she's so perfect for you! I mean, she's sweet, she-she likes baseball, and she-she had two beers at lunch. Joey: My beers?! Look you guys, she's a very nice girl. Okay? We had a good time, but I just-I don't see it going anywhere. Phoebe: Yeah, but you always say that. Rachel: Yeah, maybe if you gave this girl a chance it would go somewhere. Joey: Look, I'm sorry you guys, I-I just don't think so. Phoebe: Whatever. Rachel: Fine. (They start to walk away.) Joey: Hey, don't start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? You're the one who's in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, you're the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof! Rachel: Phoebe! Phoebe: Secret affair! [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Joey are there as Ross enters.] Ross: People are doing it in front of my book! Rachel: I'm sorry? Ross: My doctoral dissertation is in the library at school, I went to see it, and there were students makin' babies right in the middle of the Paleontology section! Rachel: Oh my God! Did you get to see anything good? Ross: Let me ask you something, at your school was there a like uh a place on campus where students went to uh, fool around. Rachel: Yeah, there was. It was-there the corner of the library where-where all these dusty books that nobody ever read-Yes, there was. Ross: Great! Because people kept showing up, I think it's like uh-a thing! Joey: Now hold on a second, fifth floor against that back wall? Ross: Oh for cryin' out loud! (He storms out.) Joey: All right, so we should go catch our movie. Rachel: Well now what's the rush? Joey: I like to see the previews. (Rachel looks at him.) The candy. Phoebe: (entering with Erin) Oh. Hey! Rachel: Well look who's here! Erin: Hey! Joey: Hey! Erin: Joey. Joey: Erin. Erin: Hey Rachel. Rachel: Hi! Well, we were just about to take off and see a movie. Oh no! Erin: What's wrong? Rachel: Oh Phoebe, we forgot that party we have to go to. Phoebe: Oh no. Joey: (skeptical) What party? Phoebe and Rachel: A birthday party. Joey: Who's birthday party? Phoebe and Rachel: Alison's birthday party. Joey: (still skeptical) Oh, and how old is Alison? Phoebe and Rachel: 32. (Joey's not buying it.) Rachel: (does a retching sound) Wait a minute! Why don't you guys do something?! Joey: (still skeptical) Yeah, look how that worked out. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Library, Ross enters and heads to the desk to talk to the male librarian on duty.] Ross: Excuse me. Hi, I'm a professor here. Do you know the Paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437? The Librarian: Well, yes! Just give me five minutes, I just have to find someone to cover my shift. Ross: No! No!! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please?! (The librarian brings his boss over.) The Head Librarian: How can I help you? Ross: Hi, I was wondering if it is possible to increase security in the Paleontology section? See I-I wrote a book up there and instead of reading it people are-are-are well, rolling around in front of it. The Head Librarian: We are aware of the problem you are referring to. (He turns to look at the previous librarian.) But as far as increasing security, I'm afraid the library is very understaffed. I, I can't help you. Ross: Well, fine. Fine! If-if I'm the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, I'll go up there and defend it myself! (Starts to do so, but stops and to the previous librarian) And don't you follow me! [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are doing dishes as Joey enters.] Joey: Hey. Phoebe: Hey! Rachel: How did it go with Erin? Joey: Oh, unbelievable! We had the best time! Phoebe: Yay!! Oh so, you're not, you're not mad at us anymore? Joey: No! No! No! You guys were totally right! This is so much better than the first time we went out. Y'know? That was so awkward, we were really nervous. Phoebe: Didn't you sleep together? Joey: Yeah, that really calms me down. And! We have so much in common! She loves sandwiches, sports, although she is a Met fan, not much of an issue now but if we were ever to have kids, well that's a... Rachel: (gasps) Oh my God! Listen to you talkin' about having kids. Oh my Joey. (She goes over and hugs him.) Oh, please don't get married before I do. Joey: Okay. [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are on their date with Janice and Clark, however Clark is a no show and Janice is crying the Mississippi River about it.] Janice: Oh. Oh I just cannot believe Clark stood me up! Monica: He might still show up. Janice: Oh, what are you, stupid? It's been three hours. Monica: Is that all? Janice: I should just go on to happier things, okay? Umm, why don't you tell about your lovely wedding? Chandler: Well actually uh, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. Um, it's going to be a small ceremony. Uh, tiny! We're not even sure why we're having it. Monica: It's actually going to be just family. Janice: Oh...wait...you two think of me as family?! Oh, I have to ask you something now and be honest; do you want me to sing Careless Whisper or Lady In Red? [Scene: Central Perk, Joey is entering and arguing baseball with Erin. Phoebe and Rachel are already there.] Joey: How can you say that?! The Mets have no closer! Erin: What about Benitez? Joey: What about Game 1 of the Series? Erin: What about shut up? Joey: You shut up! (To Phoebe and Rachel) I love arguing with her. (To Erin) I'll be right back. Erin: Okay. (Joey goes to get some coffee and Erin sits down.) Rachel: So how's it goin' with Joey? Erin: Uh, okay. Rachel: Okay? Wait okay, tell-tell me that you like him, please? I mean tell me that you like him. Erin: Look, he's a really great guy and I know that you really want this to work out, but I just don't see this having a future. Rachel: But you said that you liked him! I mean what happened?! Did ya just change your mind?! Erin: Kinda. Phoebe: Then change it back! Erin: I'm sorry I... It's just there's no real spark. Phoebe: No spark? Didn't you sleep together? Erin: Yeah. Rachel: Ugh, tramp! Phoebe: Does Joey have any idea? Erin: I really don't think he does. And y'know what? Maybe you guys could help clue him in. Y'know, tell him I'm-I'm not interested in a serious relationship or something. Phoebe: Yeah, you mean like that you're kind of a loner. Erin: Yeah! That would be great! Phoebe: Yeah, and maybe that you're a real (She says something in Italian, and it doesn't matter what she said. It's not important so I don't need everyone who speaks Italian telling me what she said.) Erin: I'm sorry? Phoebe: Oh well, I guess Italian isn't one of the four languages you speak. Joey: (returning) Hey! You wanna go? Erin: Yeah, let's go. Joey: Okay. See you guys later. Erin: Bye guys. Rachel: Yeah, see ya. Joey: (whispers to Phoebe and Rachel) Hey, thank you so much. (They both exit.) Rachel: Wow. Well, I guess it was Cupid who brought her here. Phoebe: No, just a regular old flying dwarf. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The library's Paleontology section, Ross is patrolling as a couple walks up.] Ross: Yes? Yes?! How can I help you? Guy: Yeah, we were...we were just looking around. Ross: Oh-oh, you're-you're fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for, hmm? Perhaps, (Grabs a book from the shelf behind him) perhaps Dr. Chester Stock's musings on the Smiledon Californicus? Guy: Uhh.... Ross: Ah... Ah...Get out of here! (The couple retreats. Ross starts looking through the previously mentioned book as a beautiful woman walks into the section.) Uh, meeting someone? Or-or are you just here to brush up on Marion's views on evolution? Woman: Uh, actually I find Marion's views far too progressionist. Ross: I find Marion's views far too progressionist. Woman: I'm sorry, who are you? Ross: I'm a professor here uh, Ross...Geller. Woman: Ross Geller, why do I know that name? It's uh-Wait! (Grabs his book off of the shelf.) Did you write this? Ross: Yes! You're the person who checked out my book?! Woman: Y'know, you look nothing like I would've thought. You're...you're so young. Ross: Well I uh, I skipped forth grade. [Time Lapse, Ross and the woman are now in a state of partial undress and are standing in front of the head librarian with two security guards watching them.] Ross: I am very...very sorry. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are watching TV as Joey enters.] Joey: Hey! Phoebe: Hey! Rachel: Hi! Phoebe: So how was, how was your date? Joey: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still... And guess what, I'm thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts. Phoebe: Oh really? She said she wants to go away with you? Joey: No-no-no-no-no! It's a surprise, but it's gonna be tricky though because she said she was gonna be pretty busy at work for a while. Phoebe and Rachel: Oh no, yeah. Rachel: Jo-Joey, look honey we-we need to talk okay? Umm, I kinda got the feeling from her today that uh, she's not lookin' for a serious relationship. Joey: Where are you gettin' this? Rachel: Well, she told me. She said she's kind of a loner. Joey: Oh. Oh. Rachel: Joey... Joey: No hey Rach, it's cool okay? Y'know I'm a loner too! (Heads for his room.) Right? Phoebe: Hey Joey, y'know what? You are way too good for her. Rachel: Yeah and honey I promise next time that I will just say good-bye and tell 'em you're not looking for a relationship. Joey: No! No. Don't do that, just next time make sure she really likes me. Rachel: Well that too. (Joey goes into his room.) Joey? Joey: Yeah? Rachel: Do you want some pancakes? Joey: (coming back out) Finally! [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table and are still trying to decide what to do about Janice.] Monica: What are we gonna do? Chandler: I say we go with Careless Whisper. (There's a knock on the door and Janice enters.) Janice: Chandler? Chandler: (To Monica) Did she see us yet? Did she see us? Monica: Janice, what umm, what are you doing here? Janice: Well umm, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldn't really be alone tonight. (Joey walks into view of the open door behind Janice, sees her, gets a terrified look on his face, and flees in horror.) I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family. Monica: (To Chandler) Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice aren't they? Janice: Please, it's because otherwise I really don't know what I might do. Chandler: Aren't you just a tinsy bit curious? Janice: (starting to cry) Do you have any tissues? Monica: Yeah, in-in-in the bathroom. Janice: Okay! (She runs for the bathroom) Monica: We'll just...we'll just let her stay. Chandler: No-no-no-no, if we let her stay, she will stay forever! Monica: Kinda like your barcalounger. Chandler: Is that what you're thinking about right now? Monica: I never stop thinking about it. Janice: Hey you guys, umm do either one of you want to get in there before I take my bath. Chandler: Janice, I'm sorry but umm, you can't stay here tonight. Janice: Why not? Chandler: Honestly? Our apartment is a hotbed for electromagnetic activity. Now Monica and I have been immunized, but sadly you have not. (And she does the laugh.) Janice: Okay, I'm going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? 'Cause it's already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.) (Chandler does the same nasal sound to Chandler.) Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! You have to go! Janice: Why? Monica: Because Chandler still has feelings for you! Janice: He does? Chandler: Say again? Monica: That's right. That's right. And that is why you can't stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldn't come to the wedding. Chandler: Feelings, such strong feelings. Monica: I mean, I realize that his feelings may never completely go away, but you can. Janice: Oh...my Gawd, I-I understand. I-I am so sorry, I'll go. (Starts for the door.) Good-bye Monica (hugs her), I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him. Chandler, (hugs him) you call me when this goes in the pooper. (Hurries out.) Ending Credits [Scene: The library's Paleontology section, Ross is on patrol and stops a security guard through the stack of books.] Ross: (to the guard) Don't sweat it, I've got this section covered. Yeah, in fact I've got this little baby (Turns on a mini-flashlight) to shine in people's eye-(The guard walks away)-Okay, see you later. (Ross resumes his patrol when his best friend and sister walk up and start to take off their coats, but they stop when they see him.) Chandler: I just wanted to show Monica your book. (Ross just glares at him.)
doc_110	Story by Mark J. Kunerth Teleplay by Richard Goodman [Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV, and we hear Mr. Treeger in the bathroom.] Mr. Treeger: Ohhh, man!! Joey: (coming in from his bedroom) What is that? Chandler: Treeger's snaking the shower drain. Mr. Treeger: What in the name of hell? Joey: Maybe he found you flip-flop. (Joey sits down and changes the channel, and we see two people making out.) Chandler: Hey! Joey: Whoa! Is this p0rn? What did I do? I must've hit something on the remote. Chandler: Do we pay for this? Joey: No, we didn't even pay our cable bill-maybe this is how they punish us. Chandler: Maybe we shouldn't pay our phone bill-free phone s*x. Joey: Maybe we shouldn't pay our gas bill? (Stops and thinks about what he just said.) Mr. Treeger: (coming in from the bathroom) Whoa, hey, that lady's all kinds of naked. Chandler: Yeah, Joey just pressed something on the remote and it just, came on! Mr. Treeger: Yeah, it happened to me once. I was just flipping through the channels and bam! It was like finding money. Chandler: Like finding money with naked people on it! Mr. Treeger: Then I made the mistake of turning off the TV, I never got it back again. And I'm sad. (Exits.) Joey: (to Chandler) Why would he turn off the TV? (Chandler shrugs.) OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that morning. The p0rn is still on, there are three women getting ready to shave the chest of some guy. Joey and Chandler are wondering why that guy is letting them shave his chest, and Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast at the foosball table.] Rachel: All right, y'know what, come on, do we really have to watch this while we eat? (She makes a move for the remote.) Joey and Chandler: (stopping her) Oh no-no-no-no! Chandler: We don't know what could make this go away. Joey: Yeah, so no one touches the remote. And no one touches the TV! Chandler: And no one touches the air around the TV! Joey: Imagine a protective p0rn bubble if you will, okay? Monica: Well at least, I'm going to mute it. Joey and Chandler: Oh no-no-no! (Monica mutes the TV and they tentatively look behind them) Chandler: We still have p0rn. Joey: Hey. Phoebe: (entering, carrying her massage table) Hi! Monica: Hi! Rachel: Honey, what are you doing? That's too heavy. Phoebe: Yeah. Rachel: Give it here. (She takes the table.) Oh, God. (And gives it to Monica right away.) Monica: Okay. Phoebe: Ohh, I'm getting too pregnant for this, lugging around a stupid massage table. Y'know, I have to find a job where I carrying a smaller table. (She goes over and stands in front of the TV.) Chandler: Or a job where you don't have to carry a table. Phoebe: You mean like a doctor? Joey: Pheebs! You're blocking the p0rn! Look out! Phoebe: Ohh! (She moves.) Oh my. Oh, that reminds me, I have to see my OB-GYN today. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.] Ross: Hi. Monica: Hi. Ross: So uh, Emily just went to the airport. Monica: Oh. Why didn't you take her? Ross: Eh, her-her uncle already had planned on doing it. And y'know, we-we said our good-byes this morning, so... Monica: You must feel horrible. Hey! The guys have free p0rn! Ross: (Thinks about it.) Nah. Monica: Hey, cheer up! You're gonna see her again, right? Ross: Well I, that's the thing, I don't know! I mean, whenever I brought it up with her she said, (In a British accent.) "This is so fantastic! Why do we have to talk about the future? Let's just enjoy..." Monica: (interrupting him) No-no-no, don't-don't do the accent. You've got to see her again. Ross: And why do you care so much? Monica: Because! You could get to live out my fantasy! Ross: You had fantasies about Emily? Monica: No! Y'know, the fantasy! Meet someone from a strange land, fall in madly love, and spend the rest of your lives together. Ross: Is that why in junior high you were the only one that hung out with that Ukrainian kid? Monica: Yeah that, plus his mom used to put sour cream on everything! Ross: Ahh. Monica: Do you love her? Ross: We said it was only going to be two weeks, y'know? Monica: You love her! Ross: What-what is love really? Monica: Ohhh, I knew you loved her! Then you need to go to the airport and tell her. You're probably just gonna catch her just as she's about to go to the gate. You're gonna call out her name and say, "I love you!" And she's gonna say, "I love you, too!" And you guys are going to have the most amazing kiss, everyone at the gate will applaud. Ross: I am a good kisser. Monica: Then you two can, can sneak into the cockpit, and things will start to heat up, and then a stewardess comes in... (Ross looks at her.) I've been watching too much p0rn. [Scene: Beth Israel Medical Center, Phoebe is at her OB-GYN doing an ultrasound, Rachel is with her. We here the baby's heartbeat.] Rachel: Is that the heartbeat? The Doctor: That's it. Phoebe: Oh my God! Rachel: Oh wow! This is so cool. (The heartbeat changes, and we hear a different one.) The Doctor: Have we talked about the possibility of multiple births? Phoebe: Why don't take care of this one, and should I get pregnant again, I'll hold onto your card, okay? The Doctor: No, I'm getting three separate heartbeats. Phoebe: Three? You guys were worried I wouldn't even have one! The Doctor: Doctors are wrong all the time. Phoebe: Well, yeah. Rachel: Well, so, are-are you sure that there are three?! The Doctor: Definitely. (Points out each head on the ultrasound.) Phoebe: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!! So I-I mean so in a few months I'm going to have three full grown babies just walkin' around inside me?! Oh! Oh! And it's gonna be one of those log rides where they just come shooting out! The Doctor: Actually, giving birth to three babies isn't that different from giving birth to one. Phoebe: What do you know?! [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there, waiting to tell Frank and Alice the news.] Alice: (entering) Oh-oh, Phoebe! Phoebe: Ooh! Hi! Alice: Hi! (She runs over and hugs Phoebe's stomach.) So, how did it go at the doctors? Phoebe: Oh well, okay, hey, y'know how when you're umm, you're walking down the street and you see three people in a row, and you say, "Oh, that's nice?" Frank: Yes. Phoebe: Okay, yeah well, good news, you're going to have three babies. Alice: Three babies? Frank: I finally got my band! Alice: We're gonna have a big family, I've always wanted a big family! Phoebe: Oh God, I'm so glad you guys are happy, I was so afraid you were going to be all freaked. Frank: Why would we be freaked? Phoebe: No, no maybe 'cause it's harder to raise them, and the added expense, and... Frank: (They're less than happy now) Oh. Alice: Right. Phoebe: No, back to happy. Back to happy! Alice: No-no-no, no, it's going to be fine. Because umm, because I teach Home Ec, and uh, I can have 30 kids making baby clothes all year long. Y'know it'll-it'll be like my very own little sweatshop. Frank: Yeah, I've been thinking ever since you said we were having triplets, the best thing for me to do is to drop out of college and get a job. Alice: No, Frank. Phoebe: No you can't quit college! No! You're in college? Really? Frank: Yeah, refrigerator college. Alice: Yeah. Frank: Yeah, y'know when we found out we were going to have a baby, y'know I figured y'know like I should y'know have like a career-and I love refrigerators! Phoebe: You can't give up on your dream. Frank: No, it's okay. We're-we're gonna have three kids! And that's-that's a different kind of dream. Three kids and no money. [Scene: The airport, Emily is getting ready to board her flight to London.] Ticket Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the boarding call for Flight 009. Ross: Emily! (Runs up.) Emily: Oh my God! What are you doing here? (They hug) Ross: I just, I had to see you one more time before you took-off. Emily: You are so sweet. (They kiss.) Ross: That's, that's, that's a big candy bar. (She's holding one of those huge Toblerone bars.) I had the most amazing time with you. Emily: Me too. Ticket Agent: This is the final boarding call for Flight 009. Emily: Well, that' me. (They kiss again.) Here, have this. (She gives him the candy bar.) I'm only allowed one piece of carryon anyway. (She starts towards the jetway.) Ross: (stops her) Wait uh, listen. I-I, I have to tell you something. Umm, I've been thinking, I'm just gonna come out and say it. Okay? I-I-I ah, I-I think I love you. Emily: Oh. (She's shocked and hugs him.) Thank you. (She boards the plane.) Ross: That's no problem. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Rachel is singing some kind of song.] Rachel: What's that song? It has been in my head all day long. Chandler: It's the theme from Good Will Humping. Rachel: Y'know who doesn't even like dirty movies? My new boyfriend Joshua. Joey: Yeah right. Rachel: No, he told me. He prefers to leave certain things to the imagination. Chandler: Oh-oh, yeah, and did he also say that ah, some of the dialogue was corny and that he actually found it was funny and not sexy? Rachel: Yes! Joey: Yeah, he likes p0rn. (Rachel starts to leave.) Monica: Where ya going? Rachel: I'm going to find out if he really thinks supermodels are too skinny. (As she exits, Phoebe enters.) Hey, Pheebs! Phoebe: Hey. Joey: Hey! Monica: How did it go with Frank and Alice? Phoebe: Well, Frank has to quit college because his super fertile sister is having three babies! I need to make a lot of money really fast, and I had an idea that I want to talk to you (Points to Chandler) about, 'cause you work for a big company. Okay, insider trading, what information is there that you can give me. Chandler: They don't really talk to us about that kind of stuff. I can get you some free white out though. (Ross enters.) Monica: Ohh! Did you do what I said? Did-did-did you tell her? Ross: I did. Monica: And well, what did she say? Ross: Thank you. Monica: Oh, you're totally welcome! What'd she say? Ross: She said, "Thank you." I said, "I love you." And she said, "Thank you." Chandler: Whoa-whoa, wait a minute, did you say, you love her? Joey: Yeah, what were you trying to get her to do?! Ross: What do I do now? Joey: You play hard to get. Ross: She already lives in London. Joey: Then you go to Tokyo. Chandler: All right look, forget it, forget it. You told her you love her, it's over. Monica: It is not over! You're over! Chandler: What? Monica: You know! Chandler: Okay. (Pause) Good one. Monica: It is not over because she is going to call you and tell you she loves you. And the reason why she couldn't, is because her feelings were so strong, it scared her. Now you go home and wait for her call, she could be calling you from the plane! Come on now go! Go! (Tries to push Ross out the door.) Ross: Okay! Okay! But if she doesn't call, it is definitely over! No, wait. Wait. Unless, eventually, I call her, y'know just to she what's going on, and, and she says she'll call me back, but then she doesn't. Then it's over. (Joey holds his fist up, and Chandler gives him two thumbs up.) Joey: Way to be strong, man! (Ross leaves, and after the door closes, Joey gives him the loser sign.) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Joey enter having just woken up.] Rachel: Hey! Chandler: Hi! Listen, can we watch cartoons on your television? We need a p0rn break. We spent the last two hours watching In & Out & In, Again. Rachel: Well, so, why don't you just turn it off? Chandler: Because then we would be the guys who turned off free p0rn. Phoebe: (entering carrying a case) Ooh, good, you're hear! Okay. Monica: Hey! Phoebe: Hi! Rachel: Well, what-what 'cha got there? Phoebe: Oh this, well I'm glad you asked. (She opens the case and removes a knife and an soda can.) Now, don't you hate it when you have to cut a tin can with an ordinary steak knife? (She efficiently cuts it in half.) Ahh! Now, I know what you're thinking... Chandler: Pregnant Woman Slays Four? Monica: Phoebe, they didn't make you pay for those knives, did they? Phoebe: No! Monica: Are you sure? Phoebe: No! Rachel: Honey, you're not gonna make enough money to help Frank and Alice just by selling knives. Phoebe: No-no, I know that, but I just have to make enough money for the second part of my plan. Chandler: What's the second part of your plan? Phoebe: My Saturn dealership. [Scene: Ross's bedroom, he has fallen asleep waiting for Emily to call. He is awaken by the phone.] Ross: (Answers the phone.) Hello? Emily: Ross. Ross: Emily, hi! Uh, how-how was you flight? Emily: It was dreadful. I felt terrible about how I acted when you said those wonderful things. Ross: No, no, that-that, that's all right. Umm, I'm just glad you called. Emily: Ross umm, there's something that I've got to tell you, there's-there's someone else. Ross: Does that mean the same thing in England as it does in America? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is relating his recent conversation with Emily to the gang.] Ross: She doesn't know which one of us she wants, me or this Colin guy. Monica: This isn't how it's supposed to go, there can't be another guy. Ross: Well... Monica: Of course there's another guy!! This is even more perfect! Now you have to prove your love! Ross: I'm not proving anything. Okay, I'm done listening to you. If I hadn't let you talk me into going to the airport in the first place, I never would've put my fist through the wall! Chandler: You put your fist through the wall? Ross: No, I missed and hit the door. But, it opened really hard! Monica: You have to go to London! Ross: What? Monica: Yeah, you have to go fight for her! Joey: Oh yeah, sure, that makes sense. Yeah. 'Cause you already told her you love her and she didn't say it back, then she called you and told you that there's another guy, so yeah, go to London that'll scare her! Monica: When Rachel was with Paulo, what did you do? Ross: I made fun of his accent. Monica: You sat back and let him have her, you didn't fight at all. Am I right? Do you want the same thing to happen with Emily? Ross: No. Monica: All right then, go fight for her! Go to London! I mean, that could be you and Emily! (Points to the TV.) That, but-but nicer. Just, go to London! Ross: Really? Monica: Come on! Surprise her! Show up at her doorstep! Don't let her go without a fight! Ross: All right. All right, I'm gonna do it! Monica: All right. Ross: I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to London and I'm going to fight for her. Monica: Okay, good luck! (Ross starts to leave.) Joey: Ross! Ross! If you're going to the airport, could you pick me up another one of those Toblerone bars? (Chandler nods his head no.) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are sitting and talking as Phoebe and Rachel enter.] Rachel: Hey! Phoebe: Ooh-Ooh! I did it! I did it! I figured out a way to make money! I'm gonna open up my own massage place and Frank's gonna help me! And! We can work it around his schedule so he doesn't have to quit school! Monica: That's sounds great, but how are you going to afford it? Rachel: Well, we were walking down the street and we saw that van that you guys used for catering and we realised... Phoebe: I'm telling it! I'm telling it! Rachel: Okay. Phoebe: Okay. You know how people need transportation, but they also need massages to help them relax so I just figured we could combine the two, okay, I give the massages and Frank drives! I can fix up the van, bolt the table in the back, and you know what I've got? Chandler: A place where no one will ever get out alive? Phoebe: No! Think about it, it's a taxi that people take when they need to relax, it's... Rachel: (interrupting) Relaxi-Taxi! Phoebe: The name was my favourite part! Rachel: Well, well I can up with it! Phoebe: YOU DID NOT!!!! Oh! No! You came up with Relaxi Cab! That's not good. Rachel: Well, I... (The phone rings and Monica answers it.) Monica: Hello. Ross: (on phone) Hey. Monica: Oh my God! Ross, are you in England? Was Emily surprised? [Cut to Ross in one of those British phone booths.] Ross: No, because she hasn't come home yet. And she hasn't been home all night! She's obviously staying with that other guy, and I'm the stupid moron who spent the whole night outside her apartment! Monica: All right. When is, when is the next flight out? Ross: About four hours. Monica: Okay, just stay there a couple more hours and if she doesn't show up by then, then just come on home. Phoebe: Hey, tell him about Relaxi-Taxi, and-and ask him if he thinks that's better than Relaxi Cab. Rachel: Okay, it's not Relaxi Cab. It's Relaxicab, like taxicab. Phoebe: Oh, that is better. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same night. There is a knock on the door and Chandler answers it to reveal Emily standing behind it.] Chandler: Are we in London? Monica: What are you doing here? You can't be here! Emily: I've uh, I've come to talk to Ross. (She sets her bag down on the foosball table and Joey sees the Toblerone bar sticking out of it and gazes longingly at it.) Emily: What? Joey: (pause) Nothing. No, nothing. Emily: I was going to call him, but... Monica: Oh, you came to tell him you love him! I knew it! (Points at Chandler) I was right! (Points to Emily) I'm right, right? Emily: I'd really rather talk to him. Monica: Oh. Emily: I uh, I've been to his apartment and he wasn't there, and uh. I need to talk to him, so do you have any idea where he is? [Cut to London, we sit Ross sitting outside Emily's apartment. We hear Emily's phone ring with amazing clarity. Apparently, sound travels quite easily through the walls of British buildings. Anyhoo, Ross looks around for the ringing phone and in the meantime Emily's answering machine picks up and once again with amazing clarity we hear Emily say...] Emily: Ross, are you there? Ross, I don't know if you can hear this but... (Ross has moved to the window, apparently so that he can hear better.) I'm gonna talk anyway, uh, I'm in the States with you sister and your friends and it's all over with Colin. I came here to tell you that, and to tell you-Yes, Joey you can have all the chocolate you want, just take it! Uh, I came here to tell you that I love you. Ross: (yelling, thinking Emily can hear him through the answering machine all the way to New York.) I love you too! I'm, I'm gonna call you right now from the phone booth! (Realises) You can't hear me. (Goes to make his call.) Emily: I wish I could know if you'd heard any of that. I suppose I've either just told you I love you or given my neighbours a good laugh. Mrs. Newman if you're listening, bugger off this in none of your business. I suppose there's not much chance you did heard that, and there's the call waiting so, I should go. Oh well. (Answers the call waiting.) Hello. Ross: Hi. Emily: Ross, I love you! Ross: Ohh! Thank you. CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is still watching the p0rn as Chandler enters.] Chandler: Hey. Joey: Hey. Chandler: I was just at the bank, and there was this really hot teller, and she didn't ask me to go do it with her in the vault. Joey: Same kind of thing happened to me! Woman pizza delivery guy come over, gives me the pizza, takes the money, and leaves! Chandler: What, no, "Nice apartment, I bet the bedrooms are huge?" Joey: Noo! Nothing! Chandler: Y'know what, we have to turn off the p0rn. Joey: I think you're right. (Goes over and picks up the remote.) Chandler: All right, ready? Joey: One. Chandler: Two. Both: Three. (Chandler turns off the p0rn and sets the remote down.) Joey: That's kinda nice. Chandler: Yeah, that's kinda a relief. Joey: Yeah. (Pause.) Chandler: You wanna see if we still have it? Joey: Yeah. (Chandler turns on the TV and...) Chandler: FREE p0rn!!! Joey: Yeah!! Chandler: We have free p0rn here!!!
doc_111	44th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 3ADA01 [SCENE_BREAK] Max: Are you ready? Liz: Yeah, I think so. Max: Liz, you don't have to do this. Liz: No, max. We are in this together. That's what we said. Together till the end. Liz: Down! Down! Now! Whoa! Down! Get down! Max: Do what she says. She's crazy. Liz: Face on the floor! Now! [East coast accent] yeah. I, uh...I wanna report an armed robbery in progress. At Sam's quick stop on highway 65. Yeah. Hurry. Clerk: I have a family. Liz: Hurry. We've only got a few minutes. [Siren approaches] Liz: just keep your face down! Keep your face down! The cops are coming. We gotta get outta here. Come on, let's go! Come on, let's go! Hurry up! [Max, now in the room below the store sees the spaceship. He holds up a large diamond, and the ship begins to glow] Liz: Come on. How'd they find us so fast? Max: I don't know. All right, hold on! Liz: Max, they can't find out about the diamond. Officer: Hands! Let me see hands! Liz: You got any powers for this? [PREVIOUSLY_ON] Max: Liz, there's something I need to tell you about Tess and me. Our relationship is, uh-- something happened. Liz, Tess is pregnant. I'm going back. Liz: Just tell me one thing. Do you love her? Max: Not like I love you. Max: This was all some kind of plan to get pregnant and go home, wasn't it? Max: This isn't over, tess. Isabel: What happens now, max? Max: I have to save my son. [Telephone rings] Max: So I was wondering if you wanted to, you know, see me. Liz: You mean, like, on a date? Max: Just somewhere we can talk. I just want to try to start over, liz. You look amazing. Liz: They're my favorite. Thank you. So where are we going? Max: It's a surprise. Liz: It's kind of dark. Max: Liz, i just want to put everything that happened behind us. Liz: Yeah, you know that I would, too, if i had impregnated an alien killer who murdered one of our best friends and then left the planet with my unborn child. Max: So you're still holding on to that? Liz: It's hard not to, max. See, you slept with tess, and then you got her pregnant. I don't know how to just move past that. You hurt me, you know? Max: Liz, meeting someone, someone like me, Liz: it attracted me. I admit that. It was something I had to find out about, and now I'm over it. Max: It's not that simple. Liz, i'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Isabel, michael, and I, we've lost our only way home. There's no way back. You're the only or me to-- you're my only reason. I want to be with you. Liz: Tess is pregnant with your child. What about your son? Max: There's nothing i can do about that. He's gonna be born in a... In another world, a world that i have nothing to do with. I've accepted it. Liz, you've paid a lot to know me. You've been hurt and you've been put in danger. Now I want to make that up to you. I want to make your dreams come true. Will you let me do that? Max: In the neighborhood? [Sighs] Mr. Evans: son. If you want to get out of here while you're still a young man, don't say anything to anyone unless i'm present. I'm not your father right now, I'm your lawyer. Mrs. Evans: Oh, my god. Max. Max: It's all right, mom. It's all right. Mrs. Evans: Look at you. What is going on? Who are you? Why are you under arrest for armed robbery? Mr. Evans: Now tell us what the hell are you doing in utah?! Mrs. Parker: Jeff, stay calm. Calm?! Mr. Parker: How am i gonna stay calm? [Ms]Honey, i know it isn't you. I know this is not something that you would do, but--but if you did do it, maybe it's because somebody put you up to it. Liz: They put me up to it. Right, mom. Mr. Parker: Ok. That's enough! Now tell us what the hell happened. Liz: I'm not gonna speak to anyone until they let me talk to max. Liz: Liz: So I've broken, like, 12 of my mom's rules already. Max: Rules? She has rules? Well, yeah. Yeah, since I told her that you broke my heart, without any of the alien details, of course. She thinks that we should just take things slow. Just dinner, then straight home, no plans for future dates. No making out. Max: So i suppose skinny dipping would be against the rules, too. Liz: Uh-huh. What are you doing, max? No. No, this is not happening. Ok, you've made your point. It's not that funny. You can stop now. What--no, max. Max. I can't believe you're gonna do this! Max: Whoo! Come on in. It's beautiful. No, it's not. It is obviously freezing. Come on, liz. This is something we'll tell our grandchildren about. Come on in, liz. Come on. Liz: Fine! Ok? Fine. Grandchildren. What are they gonna be, 3 feet tall and green? But, hey. I am not taking my underwear off. And if my mother, like, ever, ever t about this, you are, like, so dead. Ok? Do we have a deal? Max. Oh, max! Is that a deal, max? Huh? Max! Max, oh, my god! Isabel: Max! Michael Just tell us what happened. Feel free to leave out the lurid details. Liz: Look, I told you already. He was just, like, laying there in the water and he woke up in the car. But he hasn't said a single word. You guys, isn't there d of cure for this? You guys are the aliens. Do something here. Michael Maxwell! Hey, Maxwell! Maxwell! Hey, what the hell's going on? Max: Something happened. I had this vision. It was my son. He's been born. He was reaching out to me. He's in trouble. Michael now if I'm to have any chance of graduating this year, I need to get into your bio 101 class. Teacher: Why didn't you come to my bio 101 class when you were in it? Michael I'm turning over a new leaf. Teacher: Excuse me while I take a moment to chuckle within. Michael Ok, lookit, plans changed. I thought I was moving out of Roswell, but as it turns out, I'm stuck here for good. Teacher: And how far away did you plan to move that you didn't think that your high school records would've been sent to your new high school? Michael Actually, pretty far. Mr. Seligman, I know you hate my guts. Personally, I hate yours, too. Teacher: This is how you ask a favor? Michael But if you help me graduate this year, then you won't have to see me next year. Teacher: Well, you do have a point there. Ok, Mr.. Guerin, I will let you in to my biology 101 class if you make a sacred vow to me right now that you won't miss a single session. Isabel: Michael, there you are. Teacher: Miss Evans, I thought you graduated. Isabel: I did, mr. Seligman, but I just can't seem to cut the cord. Too many fond memories. I need to talk to you. Michael I got class. Isabel: It's important. Michael I will be one minute. Teacher: I'm sure you will. Miss Evans, love the hair. Isabel: Well, thank you. Michael So, what's going on? Isabel: Max and Liz got arrested in Utah for armed robbery. We have to go. Michael: So much for ever getting out of this school. What were they doing in Utah? [In Utah] Isabel: Mom! Mrs. Evans: Isabel. Your father and i have been going crazy. Oh, hi. Philip! Isabel: So what's going on? Mrs. Evans: Well, we're still trying to figure out what happened with your brother and Liz. Isabel: Hi, dad. Mr. Evans: Hey. This is Jesse Ramirez from my office. Isabel: We met at the company-- Jesse: picnic, that's right. Nice to see you again. Isabel: Nice to see you again. Mr Parker: So what have you found out, Philip? Mr. Evans: A detention hearing has been set up for tomorrow with the judge. Max and liz are first-time offenders, no physical evidence has been produced, so we're hoping they get a slap on the wrist and get sent back home. Mrs. Evans: Well, what about jail? Mr. Evans: They can only go to jail if the case is transferred to the criminal court system and they get tried as adults. But so far that seems unlikely. Jesse: Ok, they haven't found a gun, and there are no witnesses other than the nutcase behind the counter who claims to have seen an otherworldly yellow light. Isabel: So as long as there's no evidence, max and Liz will be ok, right? Mr. Evans: Yeah. Yeah, we certainly hope so. Michael: Can we see them? [Door opens] Isabel: max! You idiot. What are you trying to do to our poor, clueless human parents? Michael: So what's the deal? You running low on cigarettes? Max: There's an underground government storage facility under the convenience store. Michael: Well, that's a surprise. Max: Our ship's there. Michael You mean our spaceship? Max: It's been reassembled. I saw it with my own eyes. Michael: I can feel biology 101 slipping from my grasp. Isabel: So, reassembled that means it works? Max: Possibly. Isabel: I thought we made an agreement to let go of the other world and live here. Max: That was before my son tried to contact me. Isabel: Max, a little reality check. This ship you're talking about...Sucks. It's a lemon. It crashed to begin with. That's why we're stuck here. Michael She's got a point. Max: Look, I need you to find something for me. I had to toss it before we were arrested. Isabel: No. No, we are not helping s absurd plan to find a spaceship, ok? This is ridiculous. Max: This isn't about getting to a spaceship. Liz and I stole it. It's a diamond. Isabel: You stole a diamond? Max: It's not actually a diamond. It's the key to our ship. It's alien, and if we don't find it before the police do, we'll be linked to another crime. We'll never get out of here. Michael So what does it look like? [Scene switches to the past, Max and Liz looking at Tess' things] Liz: Hey, i've been for you. Max: Yeah. Yeah, I was just, uh-- Liz: looking through tess' stuff. What's that? Max: It was buried among tess' things. It's a letter Nasedo wrote to her before he died. It says, "I am your one and only protector on this planet. "I'll protect you until the end. "If I ever die, this is our only way to communicate with our home." Liz: And? Max: I have to contact my son Liz: So i guess this part of your life isn't over after all. [Michael is in a field looking for the diamond- a man with a gun confronts him] Michael Mandatory attendance, I understand. Yeah. An attitude improvement? I'm already on that. And a respect for authority, yeah, absolutely. Mr. Seligman, I gotta call you back. Man: Who was that? Michael It's my science teacher. I'm trying to graduate high school. Man: Why don't you just get a G.E.D.? Michael No one hires anyone with a g.E.D. Man: I got a G.E.D. I'm doing fine. Michael Yeah, you're on a nice career path there. Man: I got a message for your friend max. Stop looking. The person i work for will do whatever is necessary to stop him. Whatever is necessary. Michael Whatever, dude. [Gunshot] Man: don't be such a smart ass. Maybe that's your problem in school, too. Don't make me come back to Utah. [Maria arrives in Utah] Maria: Why can't these aliens ever get in trouble somewhere decent? Like Graceland or Tahoe or New Orleans. No, Utah. Mormons and mountains. Liz: Oh, my god, Maria. I can't believe you're here. Maria: Who am i, liz? Of course I'm here. Liz: Ok, thanks. Now give me some sugar. Maria: Hi. Mmm. Hi. Ok, first of all, I have some fresh green lime pie from the Crashdown. Liz: Oh, Maria, you-- you are a goddess. You know, if you were a boy, I would-- Maria: ok, no, don't go there, girlfriend. All right, now i talked to everyone involved, and I got the total unadulterated scoop. The judge and D.A. of this town are, like, totally sweating it because they have to go before council next month for reappointment and they haven't caught a criminal in, like, a decade, so they're basically out for your scalps. Ok, that's all i have. Now it's your turn. Spill. Last i heard, you and max were trying to take it slow. Max: What? Mmm. What's going on, liz? Liz: Do you love me? Liz: Yes. How much do you Max: who are you? Liz: Look at this. Max: How'd you find this? Liz: I spent 16 hours at the main branch of the library in Albuquerque. The diamond's owned by Delores Browning, one of the 10 wealthiest women in the world. Max: Where is it? Liz: It's on permanent loan at the Tate museum in London. But it's gonna be the main event in a traveling exhibit. It'll be in Santa Fe in two weeks. Liz: No, no, no, no, no. I want to do this with you, max. Together. Max: Why? Liz: Because if i had lost a child, I would want you to help me find him. But that's only part of the reason. The other part is that i don't want you to slip away from me. I know what it's like to be with you, and I know what it's like to be apart from you. And I would rather be with you. Max: I don't know if i could live with myself if anything ever happened to you. Liz: Max, you're an alien king. What could ever happen to me? [In the present], Isabel knocks on Jesse's door Isabel: thank you for this meeting, Mr.. Ramirez. Jesse: No problem, Isabel. Isabel: Mmm! Why didn't you tell me you were here? Jesse: I was working all night with your father. I couldn't call. Isabel: Oh, I just wish this could all be out in the open. Jesse: I'm still not sure why it can't be. Isabel: Well, there's the fact that you're 26 and I'm barely legal. Jesse: you're an old soul. You have clearly lived before. Isabel: You have no idea. So, what were you and my father holding back from us before? Jesse: What do you mean? Isabel: I saw the look between the two of you earlier. Clearly you're not telling us the whole story. Jesse... Jesse: Last year there was a robbery in the county. A kid died. No one was ever charged, and the local prosecutor got a lot of heat for it. So... This town is looking for someone to hang. Jesse: Max and liz picked a bad place to play bonnie and clyde. [Telephone rings] Jesse: hello? Philip. Oh, just, uh, working on some research. Ok, I'll be right over. That was your dad. They found evidence. [Scene switches to the past, and the museum] Max: The honor's mine. So you're the Delores Browning? Mrs. Browning: Well, I don't usually put an article before my name but, yes, I am. Max: So what's it like to actually own all these diamonds? Mrs. Browning: I only own some of them. Well, most of them, actually. So you're-- max. And you're not really ly a waiter. You're really an aspiring artist or actor or-- Max: no. I'm just a waiter. Mrs. Browning: A waiter? [Laughs] god bless you. Liz: What the hell are you doing? Max: Oh, liz. Liz: What the hell are you doing? Max: Nothing. Liz: Nothing. I can't believe you. How many times have i stuck my neck out for you, and you are standing here obviously flirting with a woman obviously-- come on, she's, like, twice your age. Max: Liz, calm down. Liz: : Calm down! Max: I better be going. I'm sorry. Liz: Oh, my god! You're apologizing to this bimbo?! Mrs. Browning: Excuse me? Max: Liz, let's just walk away and forget it. Liz: Forget it. You think that's your answer to everything, isn't it, max? Forget everything, ignore everything. Security Guard: Excuse me, ma'am. Could you come with me, please? Liz: Can you please not touch me?! Listen, this is what he does, ok? You, you're not special. He does this to everyone. You are a little bit too desperate to see what is really going on here! Max: Liz, will you just stop it? Liz: Why?! Mrs. Browning: Young lady, I don't think you have any idea who you're speaking to. Liz: Oh, I don't, huh? Mrs. Browning: Ohh! Max: Don't touch her! [Max pushes a guard, the diamond falls, and Max does a somersault and catches it] [Alarm bell rings] Max: I believe this is yours. I'm sorry. Liz: Get me out of here. Max: Liz-- Liz: you have humiliated me again. Now get me out of here. Did you get it? Max: Of course i did. We did it. Liz: You were brilliant. Max: No, you were brilliant. Liz: That was so exhilarating. Max: I know. Liz: You know, just the fact that we, like, pulled it off. everything. It's just, like, anything's possible right now. And then throwing that champagne at that woman, it was so cathartic. Look, and, max, I know what we did is totally... Totally wrong and completely illegal, but I just loved it. You know? In a million years, in one million years did you ever think? Yeah. So, now that the diamond, we have to find the spaceship, right? Max: Well, not right this second. Liz: Ok. [Giggles] [SCENE_BREAK] [At Liz's home] Mr. Parker: Liz! It's 2:00 in the morning. Where the hell have you been? Liz: Upstairs. Mr. Parker: Where were you? Liz: Nowhere. Mr. Parker: And what are you wearing? Liz: Clothes. Lawyer: That's just the way things work here. She'll be fine. Mr. Evans: Nancy, Jeff, hi. Mr. McGregor Lawyer: Nice to see you again, Mr.. Evans. Mr. Parker: Mr. McGregor here was just giving us the inside scoop on the Salina court system. Mr. Evans: Ah, how generous. Lawyer: Well, nice to meet you folks. Nancy, Jeff. You're good people. Your daughter deserves her best shot. Mr. Evans: What was that about? Mr. Parker: He's trying to put our kids in jail. Mrs. Evans: Mr. McGregor just feels that we'd be better off pleading guilty. Mr. Evans: Well, he'd certainly be better off. He's a prosecutor. His job is to get a guilty plea. Mr. Parker: But he said that if we plead not guilty, it could provoke the judge and he'd be that much more likely to transfer the case to a criminal court. Mr. Evans: Jeff, if we plead guilty to a felony, then there's a case against them in criminal court. We can't give them that option. Believe me, I know what I'm doing. Mrs. Parker: No, it's just this isn't personal, Phil. It's just that you're a corporate lawyer and this is not your area of expertise. Mr. Evans: Nancy, Jeff, that man you were talking to wants a guilty plea, and he'll say and do anything he has to to get it. If we plead guilty, I guarantee you this case is going to criminal court. Look, our children are in this together. We're all in this together. Believe me, I am doing right by your daughter. [Scene switches to court] Judge: Do you understand the charges against you? Max and liz: Yes, your honor. Judge: How do you plead? Max: Not guilty. Liz: Not guilty. Judge: All right, then, you can have a seat. Now, mr. Mcgregor and Mr.. Evans, I've reviewed the material you've submitted-- Mr. Evans: your honor, before you make a ruling on this, I have additional material that i feel is critical to this case. Judge: All right, let's see it, Mr.. Evans. Mr. Evans: Thank you. These are 4 recent rulings in Utah state courts, all of which disallowed dna matches from hair follicles to be submitted as evidence. Uh, your honor, in consideration of the fact that these few strands of hair are the only physical evidence in this case and there are no priors on eitherr defendant who are both standout students and members of their community, I ask that this matter be dismissed. Judge: All right. Well, thank you, Mr.. Evans, I'll take that under consideration. Judge: Max evans. It's the decision of this court that you be released to the custody of your parents, that you be returned to your home state of New Mexico if you will agree not to return to the state of Utah until your 21st birthday. Do you agree with that, Mr.. Evans? Max: Yes, your honor. Judge: Very good. Have a seat. Elizabeth parker. Now, your voice and your height match the description of the person in possession of the firearm. Armed robbery's one of the 10 crimes punishable under Utah's serious shooter offender act. Therefore it is my decision to transfer your case to the criminal court system. Mr. Evans: But, your honor, there was no gun found. The only mention of a gun was from the testimony of a clerk whose credibility-- Judge: I've made my decision, Mr.. Evans. This is for another court to consider. Mrs. Parker: Oh, my god! Mrs. Parker: You can't do this! Mr. Evans: Your honor, this girl has never so much as jay-walked. She's one of the best students in Roswell high. Judge: Well, you're not in Roswell, counsel. This hearing's adjourned. Mrs. Parker: Oh, my god, no! No, you can't take her! You can't--no! Mr. Evans: It'll be ok. Liz-- liz, we'll talk, ok? [Later in the courthouse] Lawyer: liz, i've reviewed your case with your parents, and my advice as your attorney is to try to make a deal. Liz: What kind of deal? Lawyer: You're a good kid, liz. Honor student, clubs, activities. Maybe you fell in with a bad crowd, met a guy with a problem. Maybe max dragged you into this. Liz: You want me to sell max out? Lawyer: He sold you out when he made you walk in there holding that gun. Liz: We're in this together. Mrs. Parker: Not anymore. Honey, you could go to jail for 20 years. Lawyer: Let's talk about the gun. Did max convince you to hold it? How'd you get it to begin with? [Scene swithces to the past] Liz: So, why do we need this? Max: Road trip. Liz: Where? Max: I did some research at the UFO center. There are 5 government storage facilities large enough to hold the ship. It's gotta be in one of them. Liz: I don't see a government facility , do you? Max: Let's take a look. Max: Don't worry. It won't be loaded. Liz: To go in there with a gun, that's a felony. Why can't I just distract the clerk? Max: That's not enough time. I need at least 5 minutes to get downstairs, see if the ship's there, and if it works. Liz: And what if it works? I mean, you go off to Antar and what? I mean, what if you never come back? Max: I will come back. And I'm not leaving yet. First I have to see if this is even a possibility. I'm gonna have to figure out how to navigate it. Liz: We can't get caught. Max: We won't. [In the present, Max opens Liz's cell] Max: Let's go. Liz: What do you mean? Max: Let's get out of here. Liz: Max, and then what? Just be on the run the rest of our lives? We'd never be able to go home again. Max: That's not as bad as it sounds. Liz: No, max, i'm sorry, but that's just too far for me. I'm not ready to give up my home or my family. Max: I wish we could trade places. Liz: No. No, no, no, max. Ok, I don't. You're free. We came here for a reason because your son is in trouble. Now you need to go back and do what we came for. You know, see if your ship works. Come on. I don't want this to all be for nothing. [At the hotel] [Knock on door] Max: how's it going? Michael: Maria's been crying about Liz the whole night. Other than that, things are great. Max: I need the diamond. Michael: Maxwell, i told you that guy scared the crap out of me. There's someone out there that wants us to stay away. And you know what? He convinced me. Max: I'll be careful. Michael, my son is in trouble. Just give me the-- give me the diamond. Michael: I would do it for you. You tell Isabel that you came in here and you found it yourself. [Max gets the diaomond from the undr the couch- Maria wakes up] Max: Hey. Maria: How could you make Liz hold the gun? [Max in the hall, sees Isabel] Max: Hey. Isn't your room down the hall? Yeah. I was just in there with Maria. Max: In there. You were in there with Maria? Max: Where you going? My stuff's in the trunk. Isabel: All right. Well, good night. Max: Yeah. Good night. [Max gets into his car] Agent Burns: Max. I'm sorry. I have to, uh-- please. Agent burns of the fbi. So, why sam's quik stop? Max: My case has been dismissed. Agent Burns: By the sheriff's office maybe. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're just an incompetent criminal. But if you were in that store for any other reason, ... If you don't stop, you and your girlfriend will not be happy juvenile delinquents. [Max is reliving the past] Max: I have to contact my son. My son is in trouble. Just give me the diamond. Isabel: I thought we made an agreement to let go of the other world and live here. Max: That was before my son tried to contact me. Liz: I want to do this with you, max. Together. Max: Why? Liz: Because if I had a child that i had lost, I would want you to help me find him. Max: I couldn't live with myself if anything ever happened to you. Liz: Come on. We came out here for a reason because your son is in trouble. Go back and do what we came here to do. [Max is in the basement, but the ship is gone] Mr. Evans: What the hell's going on, son? Max: You followed me here? Mr. Evans: Yes. Yes, I followed you here. Because I can no longer trust you me the truth. I thought you were involved in drugs. But this is clearly something else. What were you looking for down here, max? What is this place? Max: If i told you what this was about, it would put you and mom in danger. Mr. Evans: And what's this? Max: Don't touch that, dad. It could be toxic. Mr. Evans: Why would there be a toxic chemical in the basement of a convenience store? Max: Just don't touch it, dad. Mr. Evans: Max, if this is what you think it is, we might be able to help liz. Max: What are you talking about? How? [Scene switches to a road] Agent Burns: Mr. Evans. It's nice to meet you. Agent burns of the fbi. We now have jurisdiction. Mr. Evans: So, maybe someone can tell me why the fbi is so interested in 2 teenagers robbing a convenience store. Agent Burns: Actually, mr. Evans, we're not. We tested the so-called toxic chemical you submitted to the sheriff, and it turned out to be laundry detergent. Max: It did? Well, we did our own test and it turned out to be tetryl. Max: Now i'm sure there are any number of people in the media that would be interested to find out why such a dangerous chemical was found underneath a convenience store. And even more interested to find out the location was on federally owned property. Agent Burns: You two are lucky to be walking away from this alive. You give me that jar now, and you were never here. You never saw anything under that convenience store, you never found any chemical there. Mr. Evans: It's gonna be difficult not to ever mention this again if that girl is still in jail, Mr.. Burns. [Back at the jail] Mrs. Parker: Could you give us a minute? Liz: What's going on? Mrs. Parker: The charges were dropped. Liz: What? Mrs. Parker: Max's father discovered improper conduct with the arresting officer, and so they dismissed the case. Liz: Oh, my god, mom. Oh, my god. Mr. Parker: Liz, before we leave, there's something i need to talk to you about. Liz: Yeah? Mr. Parker: Your mother and I forbid you to see max anymore. He's not welcome at our restaurant. You are not to go out on a date with him, or attend the same parties. If you pass him in school, you are to look the other way. Mrs. Parker: It's for the best. Mr. Evans: Max... There was over $200 left in that cash register. You didn't do it for the money. I never believed you did it for some adolescent thrill. You did it because you wanted to get down those stairs into that room. And I need you to tell me why. Max: I can't ever tell you the truth. Please, don't make me lie to you. Mr. Evans: I'm sorry, son. Silence is not acceptable. And neither is a lie, not after what we've just been through. No. Not under my roof. Max: I can respect that. I just want to thank you for helping Liz. I'll always appreciate that. Max: I'll come by home to pack my things. Good-bye, dad. [Max sees Liz come out and drive off with her parents. He gets in his car and leaves. The final scene is him sleeping in his car looking at the stars]
doc_112	Buffy is napping in Angel's bed. Angel is watching her sleep. He smiles at her as she wakes. Buffy: (smiles) What? Do I have funny bed hair or something? Angel: Or something? Buffy: I guess we got a little carried away with the whole post-slayage nap thing. (feels her hair) Ohhh, not good. (sits up) Angel: Where you going? Buffy: To go kill a cat on my head. Angel: No mirrors. Buffy: You know, this place really isn't girl-friendly. No mirrors, no natural light. Angel: I think you look perfect. Buffy: Oh yeah, I really like... Okay! (lays down) Maybe we should think about getting a few mirrors. And maybe a drawer, you know, for some of my stuff. Because that's what couples do, they have drawers. Angel: Mmmm, that's right. Buffy: You know, I-I figure, that way sometimes I could spend the night. Like, after the prom, it would be nice to be able to just come back here and spend some time together. Angel: The prom? Buffy: End of high school rite of passage thingy. Think cotillion with spiked punch and electric slide. Angel: Right. Buffy: Oh, don't worry, it's at night. And lots of girls have older girlfriends. You'll blend. Angel: I think maybe you should go, hunh? Buffy: Noo.. must be a few more hours before sunrise. Buffy gets up and walks to the window. When she pulls back the blackout curtain, it lets in a blast of sunlight directly onto the bed. With an exclamation, Angel rolls out of bed away from the light, apparently unharmed. Buffy pulls the curtains closed suddenly. Buffy: Ooh, sorry. I guess it's later than we thought. Angel has a worried look. Opening credits. [SCENE_BREAK] Daylight outside Sunnydale High. Xander is walking slowly when Anyanka intercepts him and walks beside him. Anya: Xander! Xander: Well, hey, it's demon Anya, punisher of evil males. Still haven't got your powers back? (serious) You haven't right? Anya: No. I will, though. It's just a matter of time. Xander: So now, how did that work? Women would wish horrible things upon their ex-boyfriends. You'd show up and make it happen. Anya: That's right. The power of the Wish made me a righteous sword to smite the unfaithful. Xander: Well, hey! Good luck with that. Hope it works out for you. Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millenium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them. Xander: Then why you talking to me? Anya: (averts her eyes) I don't have a date for the prom. Xander: Well gosh. I wonder why not. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch? Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me? Xander: One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which. Anya: You know, this happens to be all your fault. Xander: My fault? Anya: You were unfaithful to Cordelia so I took on the guise of a twelfth-grader to tempt her with the Wish. When I lost my powers I got stuck in this persona, and now I have all these feelings. I don't understand it. I don't like it. All I know is I really want to go to this dance and I want someone to go with me. Xander: Be still my heart. Oh wait, it is. How come I got the short straw? Anya: You're not quite as obnoxious as most of the alpha males around here. Plus I know you don't have a date. <!-- implying Xander is an alpha male? --> Xander: I haven't settled on anyone yet. Anya: Fine. Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts. Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open. Anya: Whatever. Look, do you wanna go with me or not? Silence. Cut to a picnic table outside the school, still daylight. Oz, Willow, Buffy, and Xander. Oz: Anya, huh? Interesting choice. Xander: Choice is kind of a broad term for my situation. See, it's either Anya or the sock puppet of love for this boy. (holds his right hand in puppet shape, speaks in silly voice) I love you, Xander. I'll never leave you. Willow: Well, if Anya tries to get you killed, put me down for a big 'I told you so.' Xander: (puppet) Who's this Anya? Is she prettier than me? Willow: She just better not try to cross me. That's all I'm saying. Buffy: Well, at least we all have someone to go with now. Some of us are going with demons, but I think that's a valid lifestyle choice. More importantly, I have the kick dress. Willow: Ooh, the pink one? Buffy: Angel's gonna lose it. But not his soul. He's gonna lose it. His it. [SCENE_BREAK] In Angel's mansion. He picks up one of Buffy's notebooks and sees a doodle, "Angel & Buffy 4 Ever!" There is a knock at the door. He opens it, careful to avoid the sunlight, and lets Joyce inside. Angel: Mrs. Summers. Joyce: I'm sorry to, uh... Well, I would have called, but, you know. Angel: Please, you're always welcome. Joyce: My goodness, your place is amazing. Angel: Yeah, I like a lot of space. I don't get out much during the day. Joyce: No, you wouldn't. (Her gaze pauses on a set of manacles that are fastened to a wall.) Angel: Can I get you something? I don't have any coffee. Joyce: Oh, no thank you, I, uh... You don't drink? Beverages, I mean? Angel: No, I do. It's just the caffeine. It makes me jittery. Joyce: Oh. I understand Buffy spent the night. Angel: I'm sorry about that. We came back after patrol. Joyce: I, I'm not interested in the details. That's not why I'm here. Angel: Okay. Joyce: I'm here because I'm worried about you two. In general. Angel: What happened before, when I changed, it won't happen again. Joyce: That's not all I'm concerned about. I don't have to tell you that you and Buffy are from different worlds. Angel: No, you don't. Joyce: She's had to deal with a lot. Grew up fast. Sometimes even I forget that she's still just a girl. Angel: I'm old enough to be her ancestor. Joyce: She's just starting out in life. Angel: I know. I think about it more now that she's staying in Sunnydale. Joyce: Good. Because when it comes to you, Angel, she's just like any other young woman in love. You're all she can see of tomorrow. But I think we both know that there are some hard choices ahead. If she can't make them, you're gonna have to. I know you care about her. I just hope you care enough. [SCENE_BREAK] In the library. Willow, Oz, Buffy, and Xander. Buffy: So it was blue and sorta short. Willow: Not too shore, medium. And it had this weird, sorta fringey stuff on its arms. Giles: (walking in) What's that, a demon? Buffy: A prom dress that Will was thinking of getting. Can't you ever get your mind out of the hellmouth? Giles: I'd be delighted to. However, the day of the Mayor's Ascension is fast approaching and we don't know what to expect. Xander: Well, what about the pages that Will stole from the Mayor's book? Look, she put her life on the line there, pal. Don't tell me they're useless. Giles: On the contrary, no, we, uh, we know the Ascension refers to a human transforming into a demon, the living embodiment of an immortal. And Graduation Day, our Mayor Wilkins is scheduled to do just that. Wesley enters, followed closely by Cordelia. Wesley: (enters) Trouble is, we don't know which demon he is going to become. Giles: There are thousands of species. Wesley: So, it's safe to say we shouldn't waste any time of such trifling matters as a school dance. Cordelia: Well, that's too bad, because I bet you would look way 007 in a tux. Wesley: Except, of course, on the actual night, I will be aiding Mr. Giles in his chaperoning duties. Giles: What? Excuse me? Fine, fine, fine. Buffy: (to Willow) We'll get you a dress. You know, we should check April Fools. Cordelia: Don't go there! I shop there. Xander: I myself am dipping into my road trip fund to procure a shiny new tux, so look for me to dazzle. Giles: And I myself will be wearing pink taffeta as chenille would not go with my complexion. Can we please talk about the Ascension? Buffy: Giles, we get it. Miles to go before we sleep. But especially if we're all gonna vaporize or something on Graduation Day, we deserve a little prommy fun. One night of glory, not to much to ask. [SCENE_BREAK] Daylight. Exterior shot of a dingy suburban house. Inside. A hand loads a videotape into a VCR. Pan to a snarling creature, roughly humanoid, in a wire cage. The creatures struggles are warping the cage sides. One corner has already come loose. [SCENE_BREAK] Daylight. Exterior shot of a cathedral. Inside. Angel and Buffy in wedding clothes stand at an altar before a priest. Priest: Into this holy estate, these two persons present now come to be joined. If any man can show just cause why they should not be lawfully joined together, let him speak now, or else, hereinafter, hold his peace. The priest's voice fades under the swelling music. The camera pans around the couple until it looks from the priest's viewpoint. Behind them, the chapel is empty. The doors at the back are open, and the sunlight is bright against the interior darkness. They exchange rings. They kiss. They walk to the exterior doors, hand in hand. The music turns darker. Buffy looks very happy, but Angel looks apprehensive. As they leave the church, they separate and stand a few feet apart at the top of the steps. Angel squints up at the sky, but does not burst into flame. Buffy: Angel? A flame appears on Buffy's exposed skin and rapidly engulfs her. Angel looks on in shock. Buffy burning body crumbles to ashes. Angel wakes up from the nightmare. Fade to commercial. [SCENE_BREAK] In a sewer tunnel. Buffy and Angel enter through a manhole in the roof of the tunnel and start walking. Buffy: I always say patrol's not complete without a trip to the stinky sewers. Angel: I'm sure I saw him come down here. Buffy: Couldn't we just let this be the vamp that got away? We could say he was this big. (Holds hands apart, like a fish story.) Angel: What can I say? I need closure. Buffy: You need clothes. You don't have a tux, do you? Angel: Since when did patrolling go black tie? Buffy: For the prom, silly. Angel: We have more important things to think about right now than a dance, Buffy. Buffy: Sorry, Giles. I'll just be quiet. Angel: Come on, don't be that way. A vampire drops from the roof, growling. Buffy: Not now. Buffy casually stakes the vampire and turns to Angel. Buffy: I'm not being that way. Every time I say the word 'prom', you get grouchy. Angel: I'm sorry. I'm just worried that you're getting too...invested in this whole thing. Buffy: What whole thing? Isn't this the stuff that I'm supposed to get invested in? Going to a formal, graduating, growing up. Angel: I know. Buffy: Then what? What's with the dire? Angel: It's uh, it's nothing. Buffy: No, you have 'something' face. Angel: I think we need to talk, but not now and not here. Buffy: No. No, if you have something to say, then say it. (silence) Angel, drop the cryptic. You're scaring me. Angel: I've been thinking... about our future. And the more I do, the more I feel like us, you and me being together, is unfair to you. Buffy: Is this about what the Mayor said? Because he was just trying to shake us up. Angel: He was right. Buffy: No. No, he wasn't. He's the bad guy. Angel: You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you. Buffy: I don't care about that. Angel: You will. And children. Buffy: Children? Can you say jumping the gun? I kill my goldfish. Angel: Today. But you have no idea how fast it goes, Buffy. Before you know it, you'll want it all, a normal life. Buffy: I'll never have a normal life. Angel: Right, you'll always be a Slayer. But that's all the more reason why you should have a real relationship instead of this, this freak show. (Buffy is stunned.) I didn't mean that. Buffy: I'm gonna go. Angel: (grabs her arm) I'm sorry. Buffy, you know how much I love you. It kills me to say this. Buffy: Then don't. Who are you to tell me what's right for me? You think I haven't thought about this? Angel: Have you, rationally? Buffy: No. No, of course not. I'm just some swoony little schoolgirl, right? Angel: I'm trying to do what's right here, okay? I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart. Buffy: Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating! Angel: Don't. Buffy: Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm never gonna change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you. Angel: I don't. Buffy: You don't want to be with me? I can't believe you're breaking up with me. Angel: It doesn't mean that I don't ... Buffy: How am I supposed to stay away from you? Angel: I'm leaving. After the Ascension, after it's finished with the Mayor and Faith. If we survive, I'll go. Buffy: Where? Angel: I don't know. Buffy: Is this really happening? Fade to a cityscape showing the moon hanging in the night sky. Switch to Buffy, alone and miserable. Switch to Angel staring into his fireplace. [SCENE_BREAK] Daylight. Exterior shot of the Summers house. In Buffy's bedroom, Buffy and Willow sit cross-legged on the bed. Willow: So, that's it? Buffy: That's it. Assuming we survive this Ascension thing, he's gonna leave town. Willow: Well, he's a fool. He's just a big, dumb, jerk person if you ask me. And he's a super-maxi-jerk for doing it right before the prom. Buffy: It's not his fault. He's 243 years old. He doesn't exactly get the prom. Willow: But he should, if ... Buffy: Will, it's okay. You don't have to make him the bad guy. Willow: But that's the best friend's job, vilifying and grousing. Buffy: Usually, yeah. But he's right. I mean, I think, maybe in the long run, that he's right. Willow: Yeah, I think he is. I mean, I tried to hope for the best, but... I'm sorry. It must be horrible. Buffy: I think horrible is still coming. Right now, it's worse. Right now, I'm just trying to keep from dying. (her face contorts in pain) Willow: Oh Buffy. Buffy leans over into Willow's lap and starts sobbing. Buffy: I can't breathe, Will. I feel like I can't breathe. [SCENE_BREAK] Exterior shot of the dingy house. Inside, the creature in the cage is struggling violently against its chains. The cage sides bend and finally it escapes. It scrambles out of the room. [SCENE_BREAK] April Fools dress shop. Xander is walking on the sidewalk and sees Cordelia inside. He enters. Cordelia is admiring the same dress he saw in the previous episode (Choices). Xander: Okay, how long does it take you to buy a damn dress? Cordelia: Xander! I, uh, I'm considering things a little more carefully nowadays. I don't want to get stuck with another dud. Xander: Well this should work for you. It positively screams nympho. Salesgirl: Is this a customer or a friend? Xander: Neither. Just stopped by for my daily helping of bile. Salesgirl: So you better get back to work and quit goofing. Mrs. Finkel so has it in for you. Quick shot of the supervisor glancing back at Cordelia. Xander: You work here? Cordelia: Yes. Yes, I work here. Xander: But, uh, why? Cordelia: I'm trying to buy a dress. Xander: But don't you already have all the dresses? Cordelia: I have nothing, okay? No dresses. No cell phone. No car. Everything's been taken away because Daddy made a little mistake on his taxes. For the last twelve years. Satisfied? Are you a happy Xander now? I'm broke. I can't go to any of the colleges that accepted me. And I can't stay home because we no longer have one. Xander: Uh, wow. Cordelia: Yeah, neato. Now you can run along and tell all of your friends how Cordy finally got hers. How she has to work part time just to get a lousy prom dress on layaway. And how she has to wear a name tag. Oh, I'm a name tag person. Don't leave that out. The story just wouldn't have the same punch. The escaped creature from the dingy house bursts through the front window of the shop. Xander pushes Cordelia out of harm's way and attempts to grapple the creature. It pushes him down and jumps on top of him. Then it sees a man wearing a tux and attacks that man, rending and tearing savagely. [SCENE_BREAK] In the library. The Scooby Gang (including Wesley) sit around the table watching a surveillance tape of the attack. Xander: Right there. See, it's, it's like he just realized he forgot to put money in the meter or something. Cordelia: You know the part that totally weirded me out? That thing had good taste. I mean, he chucks Xander and went right for the formal wear. Xander: That's right. He left behind his copy of Monsters Wear Daily. Cordelia: I'm serious. Look at the outfit that Xander's wearing. Now look at the kid that the monster went after. Very smooth lines, 'til he was shredded. Buffy: I don't want to see it again. Giles: Buffy, I know it's horrible, but if you're going to hunt this creature, you should study it. Buffy: Think I got it. Willow: She's right. I mean, you've seen one big hairy bringer of death, you've seen 'em all. Wesley: If I'm not mistaken, this is a hellhound. Giles: Yes. It's particularly vicious. It's sort of a demon foot soldier bred during the Machash Wars. Trained solely to kill. They feed off the brains of their foes. Cordelia: Look! Right there, zoom in on that. Xander: It's a videotape. Cordelia: So? They do it on television all the time. Xander: Not with a regular VCR they don't. Wesley: Perhaps we could stay on the topic for once. What were you doing this afternoon? Cordelia: What? Um, I was... Xander: Burning a hole in daddy's wallet, as usual. I just bumped into her during my tuxedo hunt. Oz: What's that? Pause it. Xander: Guys! It's just a normal VCR. It doesn't... Oh wait, uh, it can do pause. When the picture is paused, a male teen can be seen peering through the shop's broken window. Xander: Hello, hellhound raiser. Cut to a closeup of a class yearbook. Oz: Tucker Wells. He's in my chem lab. Wesley: Let me guess. He was quiet, kept to himself, but always seemed like a nice young man. Oz: He didn't seem the murderous type anyway. Something must have happened to him. Xander: How's it going over there, Buff? Buffy: Fine. Xander: Well, I just wanted to say that your impersonation of an inanimate object is really coming along. Buffy: Thanks. Willow: Ooooh! I got into Tucker's e-mail account. Listen to this message Tucker sent to this kid David Metz at school last week. The Sunnydale High lemmings have no idea what awaits them. Their big night will be their last night. Giles: So, we have a threat against the students on their big night, a hellhound trained to attack people in formal wear... Cordelia: Oh, are we all catching up now? Giles: Tucker is planning to attack the prom tonight. Oz: Once again, the Hellmouth puts the special in special occasion. Xander: Why do I even buy tickets for these things, I ask you? Willow: Wonder if I can take my dress back? Buffy: (wakes up) Don't you dare. Willow: But Tucker is going to... Buffy: No! You guys are going to have a prom. The kind of prom that everyone should have. I'm going to give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every single person on the face of the earth to do it. Xander: Yay? Fade to commercial. [SCENE_BREAK] Still in the library. Buffy: Okay, Wes, why don't you go to Tucker's house. He's probably not there, but it's worth a shot. Wesley: Alright. Perhaps strength in numbers would be ... Buffy: You can take Cordy. Wesley: If that's your plan, alright, alright. What about the others? Buffy: Oz, you said you know this David kid that Tucker e-mailed? Why don't you and Will track him down? See what he knows, if he's involved? Willow: We're on it. Buffy: (to Wesley) And you know what? Could you two check the magic shop? Wesley: Magic shop? Buffy: Yeah. It's right next to the dress store on Main. Xander: I can swing that one. What's the mission? Buffy: See if anyone's been in, buying supplies to raise a hellhound. Xander: Gotcha. Or check and see who's been stocking up on hellhound snausages. I hear those pups will do anything for a tasty treat. Buffy: Giles, you said this thing eats brains. Any brains? Giles: Um, I suppose. Buffy: Then Tucker must be feeding it, right? [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to a meat packing plant. Buffy is walking next to hanging carcasses with a guy in a white coat and a hard hat. Packer: Yeah, yeah. This kid orders cow brains a couple of times a week. Goes to this address. (hands her a note) Good luck. He's a weird kid. Buffy: Thanks. Thanks a lot. The packer walks away. Buffy looks up to see Angel nearby, paying another packer for a plastic bag. He sees her. Angel: What are you doing here? Buffy: Hello to you too. Angel: Sorry. I'm just surprised. Buffy: Me too. I don't know why though. Where did I think you get your blood, McPlasma's? Angel: How are you? Buffy: Right as rain, whatever that means. Don't look at me like that. I can lie to you if I want to now. We're ex, remember? Angel: If it means anything, I miss you. Buffy: Could we not, please? When I think about us, I have this tendency to sort of go catatonic. And I really can't afford to do that right now. Gotta stop a crazy from pulling a Carrie at the prom. Angel: You still planning to go? Buffy: Strictly in the chaperon capacity. But it's fine. I mean, the... I'm cool with going stag. I'm over the whole Buffy gets one perfect high school moment thing. But I'm certainly not going to let some subhuman ruin it for the rest of the senior class. Angel: Let me help you. Buffy: I'm okay. Angel: If you ever need my help... Buffy: Look, I got it! (pause) Thanks. (leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] In the dress shop. Cordelia is leaving work. Salesgirl: Hey! Don't forget your dress. Aren't you wearing it tonight? Cordelia: As much as I hate to admit it, I haven't finished paying for it yet. Salesgirl: Well somebody did. Cordelia: What? Who? (looks at the receipt) [SCENE_BREAK] Buffy enters the library. Giles is sipping coffee. Xander, Willow, and Oz are sitting on a step and looking glum. Xander: Zeroes all around, Buff. Willow: Sorry. Buffy: Make not with the long faces. I got the address. Now the prom starts in a little while. I want you guys to go on and I'll catch up with you as soon as I put a lid on this jerk. Xander: What? No way. Willow: We can't just leave you, Buff. Giles: Buffy, they're right. You need... Buffy: To see taillights. Hit the door. I have everything under control. Oz: Buffy, it makes sense to ... Buffy: Have. A. Nice. Time. The trio rush off. Willow: Okay then. Xander: See ya. Buffy: (to Giles) I want you at the gym. Keep an eye on them until I get there. Buffy marches into the book cage and begins loading up her weapons bag. Giles: I don't have to tell you that you're being rather rash. Finding an address hardly adds up to case closed. Buffy: Look, it's done. You want to go after them and tell them that they can't go? That all of their planning and dreaming was for nothing? That they can't spend tonight with their honeys of all nights? Giles: Angel's not taking you, is he? Buffy: Angel's leaving me. He's leaving town. Giles: Oh, Buffy, I'm sorry. I don't really know what to say. Um, I understand that this sort of thing requires ice cream of some kind? Buffy: Ice cream will come. First, I want to take out psycho boy. Giles: You sure? Buffy: The great thing about being a Slayer, kicking ass is comfort food. [SCENE_BREAK] At the prom. Flashy lights and dancing. Xander and Anya stroll through the crowd. Anya: So she wished her husband's head would explode, which was great except we were standing three feet from him at the time. What a mess. Of course, you know, during the plague it was always parts falling off. Well, that got old since pretty much they were anyway. The Renaissance, that was ... (voice fades as they exit stage right) Giles and Wesley stand by a table munching hors-d'oeuvres. Wesley: Well, I must say this is all rather odd to me. Giles: Oh yes. At an all-male preparatory they didn't go in for this sort of thing. Wesley: No, of course not. Unless you count the nights you made the lower classmen get up as girls and watched them ... (stops on Giles's look) Dip is tasty, isn't it? Cordelia enters in her new dress. Wesley is struck by a coughing. Giles is not facing the door and looks askance. Wesley: Sauce is hot. (another lingering shot of Cordy) Very hot. Short montage of prom scenes, dancing, couple photos. Willow and Oz arrive. Willow: We got in. Maybe we should dance before we get besieged, bedeviled, or beheaded or something. Oz: It's not gonna happen. Willow: You're not even a little nervous? Oz: You think Buffy is going to let us down? Willow: Want to share some punch? Oz and Willow walk by. Wesley approaches Cordelia. Wesley: May I say, you look smashing. Cordelia: It's a start. Cordelia takes Wesley's arm. Pan to Xander and Anya. Xander has a glazed look. Anya: So then this one time, this girl wished her ex would cannibalize himself. Even I had a hard time watching that, let me tell you. Xander: Cordelia! Wesley! My god in heaven, it's good to see you. How are you both? And details, please. Wesley: Very well, thank you. Cordelia: Yes, thank you. (emphasis with eyebrows) Xander: It looks good on you. Cordelia: Well, duh. Xander gives a subtle smile and nod and the couples part. Giles is chatting with a couple of women at the refreshments, but is keeping an eye on the door, watching for Buffy. [SCENE_BREAK] Inside Tucker's house. Buffy sneaks down a staircase and finds Tucker about to release a caged hellhound. Tucker: You're ready to go. Buffy: Sorry, new plan. She throws him away from the cage. Buffy: The prom's a go and you're pathetic. Tucker: Maybe. Maybe not. Tucker breaks a vase over Buffy's head - she brushes the shards off her jacket. He brandishes a screwdriver at her. She sees videotapes on top of the TV with labels like "Prom Night IV" and "Pump Up the Volume". Buffy: So that's how you did it? That's how you brainwashed the hounds to go psycho on prom? Tucker: Neat, huh? Buffy: I don't get it. What kind of sicko wants to destroy the happiest night of a senior's life? Tucker: I have my reasons. Quick flashback to more innocent Tucker and a girl. Tucker: Do you want to go to the prom with me? Girl: No. Back to Buffy and Tucker. Buffy: Whatever. Every maladjust has his reasons. Luckily for me, you're an incompetent maladjust. Buffy disarms him and ties his hands behind him with an electrical cord. She opens a door and starts to push him through it. Buffy: Now I'm gonna lock you in here and then I'm gonna party like it's ... In the room are three empty cages before three blank TV sets. Tucker: Gotta have a redundancy system. Any incompetent knows that. My three fiercest babies are on their way to the dance right now. You think formal wear makes them crazy, wait 'til they see the mirror ball. Fade to commercial. [SCENE_BREAK] Night, outside the prom hall. The three hellhounds lope toward the building doors. Buffy drops the trailing hound with a crossbow bolt. The other two turn and chase her. She runs. Buffy: That's right. Follow Buffy. Good dogs. They chase her for a few moments, then hear the party music and reverse course. Buffy: Oh, come on. That song sucks. She chases them into the building. Cut to a hallway. The hounds are pawing at closed doors. Buffy approaches and they attack her. She wraps one in a hanging tapestry, then wrestles the other one until she can knife it in the chest. The first one escapes the tapestry just as a male student opens the doors into the hall. Buffy: Get back! Buffy grabs the hound before it can attack the student, grapples with it, and finally snaps its neck. Student: (shaken) Bathroom? Buffy points. Student: Th-th-tha... Buffy: You're welcome. Cut to outside. Buffy drags the hellhounds into the bushes, then pulls her prom dress out of her bag. [SCENE_BREAK] At the dance. Buffy enters, Giles sees her, and they exchange nods and smiles. Oz and Willow meet her. Willow: Buffy, you look awesome. Buffy: So do you. Oz: Everything cool? Buffy: Coolest. Devil dogs are history. How's the prom? Oz: Strangely affecting. I got all teared up when they played 'We Are Family'. Willow: Everything's perfect. Buffy - big smile. [SCENE_BREAK] At the prom. Everyone is standing, watching the stage. Xander is miming anticipation. Announcer: And the award for Sunnydale High's Class Clown for 1999 goes to Jack Mayhew. The winner puts on a balloon hat and acts silly. Xander: Please! Anybody can be a prop class clown. You know, none of the people who vote for these things are even funny. Buffy is at the punch bowl, ignoring the ruckus. The announcer urges Jonathan to the microphone. Jonathan: We have one more award to give out. Is Buffy Summers here tonight? Did she, um... The crowd turns and finds her. She looks nervous at the attention. Jonathan: This is actually a new category. First time ever. I guess there were a lot of write-in ballots, and, um, the prom committee asked me to read this. "We're not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you, but that doesn't mean we haven't noticed you. We don't talk about it much, but it's no secret that Sunnydale High isn't really like other high schools. A lot of weird stuff happens here." Crowd outbursts: Zombies! Hyena people! Snyder! (laughter) Jonathan: "But, whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it. Most of the people here have been saved by you, or helped by you at one time or another. We're proud to say that the Class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history." (applause from the crowd) "And we know at least part of that is because of you. So the senior class, offers its thanks, and gives you, uh, this." Jonathan produces a multicolored, glittering, miniature umbrella with a small metal plaque attached to the shaft. Jonathan: It's from all of us, and it has written here, "Buffy Summers, Class Protector." The crowd breaks into sustained applause and cheering. Buffy walks to the stage and takes her award. Later, Giles is watching the dancing and Wesley approaches him. Wesley: Mr. Giles. I'd like your opinion. While the last thing I want to do is muddle bad behavior in front of impressionable youth, I wonder if asking Miss Chase to dance would... Giles: For God's sake, man, she's eighteen. And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you, and stop fluttering about. (walks away) Wesley: Right, then. Thanks for that. Cut to the dance floor. Wesley and Cordelia begin to dance. Pan to Xander and Anya, dancing close. Anya: This isn't bad. Cut to Buffy, watching the dancers. Giles comes up behind her. Giles: You did good work tonight, Buffy. Buffy: And I got a little toy surprise. Giles: I had no idea that children en masse could be gracious. Buffy: Every now and then, people surprise you. Giles: (looking past her) Every now and then. Giles takes her umbrella and leaves. Buffy turns to see Angel at the door. They meet. Buffy: I never thought you'd come. Angel: It's a big night. I didn't want to miss it. It's just tonight. It doesn't mean that I ... Buffy: I know. I mean, I understand. Angel: Dance with me? They dance. BLACK OUT
doc_113	THE SUN MAKERS BY: ROBERT HOLMES Part Four Running time: 24:57 [SCENE_BREAK] COLLECTOR: That noise, Hade. Can't something be done about it? We shan't hear her. HADE: It's vibration in the exchanger, your Magnificence. COLLECTOR: I know what it is. I don't want my pleasure ruined by it. MARN: Her cries will be clearly audible, your Honour. COLLECTOR: What's that? The subtleties will be lost. The deeper notes of despair, the final dying cadences. The whole point of a good steaming is the range it affords. HADE: Marn. Er, no. I'll see if the discriminator can be adjusted, your Immensity. [SCENE_BREAK] MANDRELL: Doctor, can you hear me? [SCENE_BREAK] MANDRELL (OOV.): I can't give you any longer. [SCENE_BREAK] MANDRELL: The exchanger's going to blow any second. [SCENE_BREAK] MANDRELL (OOV.): Get out, Doctor. Get out of there! COLLECTOR: What was it? HADE: I thought I heard someone say Doc-Tor, your Sagacity. It wasn't the girl. There hasn't been a peep out of her. COLLECTOR: Precisely, Hade. Something has gone wrong. Order the guards to investigate. HADE: Immediately, your Omniscience. Come along, Marn! [SCENE_BREAK] SYNGE: Flow valves open. MANDRELL: Main pumps in. SYNGE: Sixty atmospheres, still rising. MANDRELL: Plug auxiliaries in. Quick! SYNGE: Auxiliaries in. She's cooling, look. MANDRELL: We've made it. Unless the air plates have buckled, Synge. SYNGE: Let's hope they haven't. CORDO: Do you think the Doctor got out in time? BISHAM: If he didn't, he wouldn't have known much about it. MANDRELL: We gave him his two minutes. More than his two minutes. CORDO: Listen. In the vent! He's made it! CORDO: Leela! DOCTOR: Who was making all that noise? MANDRELL: I was, Doctor. DOCTOR: I told you not to use that radio link. BISHAM: We had to tell you that your time was up, Doctor. DOCTOR: You told the Collector, too! That fish-blooded sadist had Leela's casket wired for sound. LEELA: What's happening? What's he doing here? CORDO: We've sired a revolution, Leela. Down with the Company, eh, fellas! DOCTOR: Ah, ah, Cordo. We've got a great deal to do yet. BISHAM: It's going well, though, Doctor. DOCTOR: Is it? BISHAM: The PCM is clearing from the air faster than I expected. It's down ten points already. MANDRELL: All my men are out putting some fight into the work units. If just one District joins the resistance the word'll spread through the whole City. DOCTOR: Shush. Where's the public video system controlled from? MANDRELL: The Collector's Palace. BISHAM: Yes, he runs everything from the Computer room. Why, Doctor? DOCTOR: If the public video system announced there'd been a successful rebellion, think of the effect. LEELA: Everyone would believe it. DOCTOR: Right. BISHAM: Yes, but the Palace is guarded by his Inner Retinue. DOCTOR: He's guarded by his Inner Retinue, and most of them are down there with him. Come on, Leela, let's go. LEELA: MegroGuards! MegroGuards coming this way! DOCTOR: Everybody keep calm, keep calm. Keep quiet. You two back there. You three over there. Leela, behind the door. SYNGE: What do you want here? CORDO: All right, drop your guns. DOCTOR: All right, tie them up. DOCTOR: Pretty soon the whole place will be under siege here. K9? (to Bisham) I want you to hold out as long as possible. BISHAM: Yes, Doctor. CORDO: We'll do it, Doctor. DOCTOR: Of course you will. CORDO: Now we have more weapons, we can hold the corridor. DOCTOR: Good man. K9? LEELA: K9? DOCTOR: K9? ALL: K9? DOCTOR: K9, where are you? K9: Master. DOCTOR: Ah, there you are. Now, listen. I want you to give my friends all the help they need. You understand? K9: I am at full offensive capability, master. DOCTOR: You're a good dog. Come on, Leela. Gentlemen, good luck. BISHAM: Thank you, Doctor. MANDRELL: Right, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] COLLECTOR: An unprofitable operation, Hade. HADE: Your Supernal Eminence, I simply can't understand it. No one has ever endured a steaming without vocalising in the most gratifying fashion. COLLECTOR: A complete waste of time. And we've lost point oh four seven percent in production. Unpaid overtime to be introduced immediately for all work grades. See to it! HADE: Without fail, Monstrosity, without fail. COLLECTOR: What is it? COMMANDER: Your Excellence, sir. Some minor disturbances. It may not be wise to travel in the subways until the trouble has been suppressed. COLLECTOR: What trouble? COMMANDER: It appears that some of the work units are refusing to leave their dormers, Excellency. HADE: Refusing to leave? I've never heard of such a thing. COLLECTOR: This situation must be normalised. Any sustained unrest among the workforce will adversely affect Company profitability. HADE: Sing adoration to our Company! COMMANDER: I have dispatched a division of the retinue, Excellency. The account will be swiftly settled. COLLECTOR: With interest, Commander. They must be made to pay. HADE: I will introduce a swingeing output linked penalty tax in my next monthly budget, your Corpulence. COLLECTOR: The Doctor must be behind it. I sense the vicious doctrine of egalitarianism, Hade. HADE: Everyone knows your senses are infallible, your Promontory. COLLECTOR: Have the guards reported from Main Control yet? HADE: No, your Omnipresence. My underling Marn is investigating. COLLECTOR: Not good enough, Hade. Not good enough. I am noting your work rate. HADE: I will instigate action myself, your Aggrandizement. Instantly. Immediately. [SCENE_BREAK] CORDO: You'll never believe this, Bisham, but I'm really beginning to enjoy myself. BISHAM: The air's better without PCM, isn't it. SYNGE: Yes, we'll never pay breathing tax to the Company again. MANDRELL: Oh, we'll pay no more taxes, brother. The Gatherer's got his last talmar off of us. CORDO: I feel so good, like a new man! MANDRELL: Keep an eye on the corridor, Cordo, or you'll be a dead new man. CORDO: All right, Mandrell. I know. K9's got it covered. SYNGE: I wonder what's happening in the subways and dormers? BISHAM: Theoretically, the dispersion rate of the PCM should be slower down there, but there should be something happening by now. MANDRELL: If the work units turn, the guard'll really have their hands full. [SCENE_BREAK] GUARD: Come on, move yourselves. Report for work at once. Work! Work! GUARD: Collector's orders. GOUDRY (OOV.): Strike, brother. Join us, or get out. GUARD: Who said that? Who was it? GOUDRY: Me. Nobody works today. VEET: Nobody works today. GUARD: That's mutiny against the Company. You've just earned yourself an early death day, Citizen. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: No, no, no. LEELA: Why not? DOCTOR: No, don't kill him. He hasn't done you any harm. LEELA: Then I shall kill him before he does. DOCTOR: No. Get up. Come on, get up. LEELA: Doctor, the last one I spared got away and warned his comrades. That is why I was captured. DOCTOR: Then we'll make sure this one doesn't get away. Here, look at me. Look at me! Now listen. It's your sleep time. Sleep time. You're feeling very sleepy. Very sleepy. It's your sleep time. You will go to sleep and stay asleep until I tell you to wake up. Until I tell you to wake up. DOCTOR: Come on. Come on. DOCTOR: Wake up. LEELA: How did you do that? DOCTOR: What, that? Poof, it's just a knack. You've either got it or you haven't. LEELA: Doctor! DOCTOR: What is it? LEELA: This is where the grey one, the Collector, sat. DOCTOR: What, like a spider in the middle of a web? LEELA: Yes, yes. DOCTOR: I understand all this. He has a computer feeding and analysing the daily returns from each Megropolis. Suppose. Suppose he wants to broadcast some pleasing bit of news, hmm? Like the imposition of a double vision tax on people with more than one eye. Well, then, he feeds it into there. LEELA: He fed it into here. DOCTOR: He did? [SCENE_BREAK] HADE: I fear the situation is worsening, your Grossness. COLLECTOR: Laxity, Hade, laxity and weakness. You have shown them too much kindness. A grave error of judgment. Grinding oppression of the masses is the only policy that pays dividends. HADE: Your Oratundity, my MegroGuards are outnumbered by the rabble. If I could have two divisions of the Inner Retinue? COLLECTOR: The sole task of the Inner Retinue is to protect my person. You've mishandled the situation, Hade. As for your ambition to become Tax Master General. After this, forget it! MARN: Your Honour. HADE: What is it, Marn? MARN: I've just heard that some of the work units have gone to the roof of Block Forty to look at our sun. HADE: Outrageous! Sacrilege! The work units are absolutely forbidden to see the light of the sun. It's far too good for them. I'll soon deal with this. COLLECTOR: A combat situation is escalating. Those idiots have let it get out of hand. It is imperative that I return to the Palace to implement my contingency plans. COMMANDER: But Excellency, there's fighting in the COLLECTOR: Quiet! The Inner Retinue will march around me in close order. Their bodies will shield me. Now hurry. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor, come here. DOCTOR: That should do it. LEELA: Doctor! What is this? DOCTOR: What, that? It's a safe. Company vault. LEELA: Doctor, is there DOCTOR: Shush. LEELA: Is there something behind the door? DOCTOR: What was that? LEELA: I heard nothing. DOCTOR: Neither did I. LEELA: Then why are we whispering? DOCTOR: I always whisper when I'm opening safes. What is it? LEELA: What are you doing? DOCTOR: I don't know. It always looks so easy. LEELA: Why was it locked? DOCTOR: I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Why won't you listen to me? Why don't you girls listen to me? [SCENE_BREAK] BISHAM: The PCM in the atmosphere has fallen to three parts in a thousand. COMPUTER: Attention all Citizens. Attention all Citizens. Stand by for an important public bulletin. Megropolis One is now under the management of the Citizen's Revolution. The Director, the Tax Gatherer and all other Company officials are to be arrested on sight. MANDRELL: It's happened. [SCENE_BREAK] COMPUTER: All guards are ordered to lay down their arms and join their fellow Citizens in peaceful cooperation. CORDO: There! Stop or we fire. Get her! MARN: Citizens, I'd like to join the Revolution. [SCENE_BREAK] COMPUTER: The rule of the Company is ended. All work places will remain closed until further notice. Long live the Revolution. CORDO: Whee! CORDO: It's over! BISHAM: Cordo! CORDO: We've won! BISHAM: We haven't. CORDO: What? BISHAM: That bulletin was fixed. It was the Doctor trying to push things on a bit. MANDRELL: That'll bring the whole city onto our side. I don't know why you're hesitating. CORDO: Yes! We've got the guns, we should get out and help them. MANDRELL: What do you think, Bisham? BISHAM: Cordo's right. The fight has moved on from here. MANDRELL: Synge. You can run things down here. SYNGE: I suppose so, but leave K9 guarding the corridor, just in case, eh? BISHAM: Yes, of course. [SCENE_BREAK] HADE: You there! What are you scum doing up here? This is an abominable crime. An outrage! Leave at once, do you hear me? VEET: It's the Gatherer. It's the Gatherer! HADE: I order you to leave. You'll pay dearly. Keep back! Don't you dare! I'm an official of the Company! VEET: And we'll do the same for the Collector when we find him, won't we, Citizens. ALL: Yes! [SCENE_BREAK] COLLECTOR: Kindly make less noise. DOCTOR: Oh, I was just checking the books. COLLECTOR: Your appearance is not unexpected. DOCTOR: I'm not the Auditor, I'm the Doctor. COLLECTOR: I know. COLLECTOR: If you intend to kill me, as you see, I'm unarmed. DOCTOR: No, I won't kill you. Just close you down. COLLECTOR: An idle boast. Other competitors have tried. Would you care to see our prospectus? DOCTOR: Oh, delighted, delighted. DOCTOR: Hmm. Company solidly based. You've a widely diversified operational field. Yes. COLLECTOR: You're a fool, Doctor. I shall have you steamed for your interference. DOCTOR: Yes, I cut the answering service not to interrupt our little conference. COLLECTOR: Very well. I see I underestimated you. What are your terms? DOCTOR: Tell me about the Company. COLLECTOR: Ah, you're interested. DOCTOR: Yes. COLLECTOR: Oh, an excellent outfit to work for, Doctor. Progress from medium to senior management level can be remarkably rapid for the talented executive. DOCTOR: Yes, cut the sales talk. Where's the Head Office? COLLECTOR: Usurius. DOCTOR: Ah. I might have guessed from your squiddy little eyes. Hmm. COLLECTOR: You are acquainted with our species? DOCTOR: Oh yes, oh yes. The Usurians are listed in Professor Thripsted's Flora and Fauna of the Universe under poisonous fungi. COLLECTOR: I don't entirely like your attitude. If you want to get on in the Company you have to what? What? Are you mad? DOCTOR: Quite mad. Mad as a hatter. DOCTOR: Tell me, how did you get control of humanity? COLLECTOR: A normal business operation. The Company was looking for property in this sector, Earth was running down, it's people dying. We made a deal. DOCTOR: Go on. COLLECTOR: Yes. We moved them all to Mars. [SCENE_BREAK] COLLECTOR (OOV.): After our engineers had made that planet habitable for their species. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: And then taxed the life out of them. I mean, to recover your capital costs. COLLECTOR: Quite so, quite so. Then, when the resources of Mars were exhausted in their turn, we created a new environment for them here on Pluto. DOCTOR: Phew. What about the four intervening planets? COLLECTOR: They weren't considered viable by our engineers. DOCTOR: So then you really put the screws on. I mean, the running costs must be very high. COLLECTOR: Six suns to be fueled and serviced. DOCTOR: Six suns. Six! My, my. And so when this planet's exhausted you can move your slave labour force elsewhere? COLLECTOR: Alas, no. There is nowhere else that is economic. This branch will close. DOCTOR: Leaving the humans to die. COLLECTOR: When the suns have run down, yes. A matter of a few years without fuel. They're not a good workforce in any case. Many of our other operations produce a much higher return with less labour. DOCTOR: You blood-sucking leech! You won't stop until you own the entire galaxy, will you. Don't you think commercial imperialism is as bad as military conquest? COLLECTOR: We have tried war, but the use of economic power is far more effective. DOCTOR: You DOCTOR: Ah. The revolution's getting nearer. What's the Company policy on that? COLLECTOR: It will be quelled. Business will continue as usual. DOCTOR: Oh, wake up. Wake up. Look at the facts. COLLECTOR: I know the facts. DOCTOR: You and a handful of bureaucrats won't put the people back in chains now. COLLECTOR: Then they will die. DOCTOR: Oh, it's you again. What did I say? COLLECTOR: Our conference has gone on too long, Doctor. It is time to implement contingency plan A. COLLECTOR: This switch controls the sprinkler valves throughout the City. DOCTOR: Rain stops play. I don't think that'll damp down this revolution. COLLECTOR: The sprinklers will release dianene, a deadly poison. Within ten seconds, everyone in the City will be dead. DOCTOR: Except you. COLLECTOR: Exactly. I do not breathe air. DOCTOR: No, but this chap at my shoulder, he breathes air. COLLECTOR: Kill him! DOCTOR: Don't be a fool. COLLECTOR: Guard, kill him! DOCTOR: Good throw! Good throw. DOCTOR: What's contingency plan B? COLLECTOR: Nobody understands business is business. LEELA: What do we do now, Doctor, kill him? DOCTOR: You'll like this bit. You'll like it. COLLECTOR: Nine zero nine! A mistake in the Megropolis Six analysis. Recheck! COMPUTER: Nine zero nine. Recheck. Megropolis Six analysis confirmed correct. COLLECTOR: Commander! Arrest these idiots. I have a problem. Nine zero nine. Megropolis Four analysis. Mistake. Recheck COMPUTER: Nine zero nine. CORDO: Collector, in the name of the work units, I order LEELA: People, Cordo. CORDO: Yes. In the name of the people I order you to be tried by DOCTOR: Cordo, I don't think he's listening. COLLECTOR: Negative surplus. Inflationary spiral uncheckable. Negative growth! This branch is no longer viable. COLLECTOR: We are bankrupt. Business failure. Closure imperative. Cut losses. Liquidate. Immediate liquidation. BISHAM: I'm sorry I'm late. What happened? MANDRELL: Well, I don't know. DOCTOR: I do. He's gone back to his natural form. He was only held in that state by particle radiation. That's why he never left that machine. LEELA: You mean he's in there now? DOCTOR: Oh, yes. LEELA: Well, we could make a hole in it. CORDO: Do you think he'll come out again? DOCTOR: Well, you could put the plug in if you want. COMMANDER: I don't understand. Why was it necessary for him to make himself look human? DOCTOR: Well, if you'd seen a Usurian you'd know what I mean. They look like sea kale with eyes. I mean, would you take orders from a lump of seaweed? Huh? Hmm? Cordo? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Leela, let K9 in the TARDIS. Goodbye, Cordo. CORDO: I wish you could stay, Doctor. There is much to do. DOCTOR: Well, I'll pop back and see you again when you've settled again on Earth. BISHAM: That'll be hard work. DOCTOR: Well, you're used to hard work. This time, you'll be free. LEELA: Goodbye, Veet. VEET: Goodbye. LEELA: Till the next time? Come on, K9. Come on. BISHAM: You really believe we can colonise the Earth again? DOCTOR: Well, I do, I do. The Earth will have regenerated itself since you left. Get back to your place under your own sun. ALL: Goodbye, Doctor. MANDRELL: Can the star freighters make that journey? DOCTOR: Course they will. Three hundred million of you can't go wrong. Goodbye everyone! ALL: Goodbye. [SCENE_BREAK] K9: King to Bishop four, mistress. DOCTOR: Which is more than I can say for the TARDIS. LEELA: Eh? DOCTOR: Nothing. I was just finishing a thought. Now, where were we? K9: Mate in six moves, master. DOCTOR: Oh, be quiet, K9. LEELA: I wonder why the Collector gave in so easily? I thought he would fight. DOCTOR: He got a bit of a shock. You see, I fed two percent growth tax into the computers. Index linked. Blew the economy and he couldn't take it. LEELA: I do not understand. You did something clever? DOCTOR: Well, I. What do you think, K9? K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: K9 thinks it was clever. DOCTOR: I am so sorry, K9. K9: Apologies are not necessary. DOCTOR: No, shut up while I apologise. I am so. Listen. As soon as I've reset the coordinates, we'll finish that game of chess.
doc_114	(Flashback: Sydney sits on a stool, tears in her eyes, staring numbly at nothing while a trainer wraps her hands with gauze. He slaps at her hands to feel if they're wrapped.) TRAINER: Good. (SD-6. Sydney sits at her desk. Jack approaches.) JACK: I heard about Noah... I'm sorry. (She just sits there, staring at nothing.) (In the weight room, Sydney hits the punching bag.) TRAINER: Come on, come on. Hit the bag! (In the blood donor van parked on campus, Sydney and Vaughn chit chat.) SYDNEY: I killed a man... someone I cared about. VAUGHN: Noah Hicks was an assassin. If you hadn't killed him, he would have killed you. SYDNEY: Maybe. But I was the one who forced the fight. VAUGHN: Hicks was a bad guy. (Sydney works out, hitting the bag even harder.) TRAINER: Work that jab! Work it! That's it, work that thing! That's it! Nice combination! Work that jab! (Sydney kicks the bag and the trainer stumbles back from the force.) (Blood donor van.) SYDNEY: But the truth is, it affects me. Never knowing who to trust, learning to expect betrayal, plotting in secrecy and hatred and anger. (Punching.) TRAINER: That's it! SYDNEY: (voice over) It's becoming a part of me. I am becoming what I despise. (Blood donor van.) SYDNEY: I tell myself I got into this to bring Danny's killers to justice. The truth is, I'm more interested in revenge. (Sydney is starting to lose it; punching the bag without much control.) SYDNEY: (voice over) I thought I could stay in control. It's just gotten so twisted. (Blood donor.) SYDNEY: Like with Khasinau. The one tangible goal is to find him so that I can find my mother. But if I do that, if I can find his trail and track him down, it'll strengthen SD-6. (In the training room, Sydney is now breathing hard and sweaty. Hair is stuck to her face with sweat. She takes off her glove to see that blood has seeped through the bandage. Bright red blood soaks through the white bandage.) SYDNEY: (voice over) I got into this to bring them down and now I feel like I'm on their side. (In the blood donor van, Vaughn looks at Sydney for a moment, not knowing how to explain. He suddenly gets up and moves to the counter. He gets out the map he revealed to her in episode two and spreads it out in front of her once again.) VAUGHN: This is the world of SD-6 when we started. Remember? (Sydney can only nod with tears in her eyes. Vaughn flips over a transparent cover that reveals who's been taken out since he first showed it to her. Little red circles with a slice through it are over the map.) VAUGHN: And here is what it looks like today. And this doesn't even take into account things like Badenweiler or stealing page forty-seven from Sloane's vault. Or the way you kept Khasinau from getting his hands on that ampule. Sydney, these are incredible accomplishments. SYDNEY: Khasinau is out there somewhere. VAUGHN: Yes. SYDNEY: My mom is out there. VAUGHN: (sighs) We will find them. SYDNEY: I have to go to class. (She smiles helplessly and gets up to leave. When she walks by him, he stops her by taking her hand.) VAUGHN: Wait. (He gets up and takes out a first aid kit from one of the cupboards. He takes out an ice pack, breaks it up to react it, and places it on her bruised and bloody knuckles.) VAUGHN: Take care of yourself. SYDNEY: Thanks... (Francie and Sydney's house. Will is on his hands and knees in the kitchen while Francie stands back at the counter.) WILL: Where was it? FRANCIE: Behind the fridge. WILL: You say you saw it? FRANCIE: No, I didn't see it. I heard it. Scratching. WILL: Okay, I'm going to go to the hardware store. I'll go get some traps. FRANCIE: No, no, no. We need a professional. We need a hit man. If there's one, there are a thousand. Rats breed hourly. (Will's cell rings.) WILL: Hello? DEEP THROAT: You disappoint me, Mr. Tippin. WILL: (to Francie) It's Litvack. Uhh... (He walks outside through the patio doors for some privacy.) DEEP THROAT: You have enough to publish. You have nothing to fear. WILL: I was kidnapped! The lives of the people I care about were threatened! DEEP THROAT: It's a bluff to scare you off the story. WILL: Well, you know what? It worked. I'm off it. (Will hangs up and looks in at Francie, who is flipping through a phone book innocently. The cell rings again.) WILL: Just go away! Don't call me again! DEEP THROAT: Mr. Tippin-- WILL: Don't call anyone else again unless you want more people to die! DEEP THROAT: It was Jack Bristow. WILL: What? What? Wait, what's Jack Bristow? Hello? Hello? (Sydney comes home after her classes.) FRANCIE: We have rats. SYDNEY: What? WILL: Hi. (Tape screwed up.) SYDNEY: Hi. Mice are better than rats. FRANCIE: There's no way that they're mice. They're rats, and they're huge. The exterminator is coming between noon and three. Think you can be here? SYDNEY: No, I've got work. FRANCIE: Well, I have to cater a lunch for thirty. (They both look at Will.) WILL: I don't live here. SYDNEY: Then why are you always here? FRANCIE: Yeah, I mean, it's not like you pay any rent. WILL: What is this, attack on Will? My God. SYDNEY: Please, just do this for us. (She smiles at him.) WILL: Okay, fine, I'll do it. FRANCIE: See, the thing about rats is they're clever. You have to out think them. You can't really just leave out cheese. You have to leave the good stuff. The heavy-duty stuff. The stuff that they want. It's the only way they're going to come out. Otherwise, you're just wasting your time. (Self-storage. Sydney and Vaughn have a pow-wow.) SYDNEY: I can't believe I didn't think of this before. We can make Khasinau come to us. VAUGHN: What are you thinking? SYDNEY: The vial of liquid. The Rambaldi solution. VAUGHN: The one the CIA now has? SYDNEY: That's why Khasinau had a team to break into SD-6. He wants that solution. (Director Devlin's office at the CIA. Vaughn enters.) VAUGHN: Sir, with respect to Alexander Khasinau, I'd like to suggest a course of action. DEVLIN: Quickly. I've got a meeting with the senior review team from NIC. VAUGHN: Remember the ampule? The vial of liquid we got from SD-6 that allowed us to read page forty-seven of the Rambaldi manuscript? DEVLIN: Uh-huh. (Back to self-storage.) SYDNEY: What I'm suggesting is a black market sale. Third party. VAUGHN: Hold on. Khasinau still thinks that vial is in the SD-6 vault. SYDNEY: Yes. So we say there's another one. VAUGHN: What? You think we can make Khasinau believe that? SYDNEY: Yes. VAUGHN: You're going to have to make it sound pretty legit. SYDNEY: I think I know how to do that. (Flashback: Sydney, Dixon, Sloane, and two unidentified agents sit in the conference room. Sloane gives the two unknown agents folders for a mission.) SYDNEY: (voice over) Last year, Sloane sent a team of agents into the Carafu Art Museum in Algiers after an Opec minister donated a collection that Sloane believed might contain Rambaldi artifacts. (Self storage.) VAUGHN: Wait. Why don't I know about this? SYDNEY: Because the mission failed. The agents were caught. (Flashback: The two agents are being dragged, handcuffed, to another van for transport. A car drives by and a masked man -- who, IMO looks kind of like Jack -- leans out the passenger side with a machine gun and blasts away.) SYDNEY: (voice over) Before they could even be questioned, SD-6 had them killed. (Self-storage.) SYDNEY: Say there was a break-in at that museum this week. It would be widely publicized. Khasinau would start to hear rumors of what was taken. VAUGHN: Including rumors of an existing second ampule. (Devlin's office.) DEVLIN: Are you suggesting that I approve the theft of priceless works of art? VAUGHN: You see, sir, we would just be borrowing them. (Self-storage, continuing.) SYDNEY: We'd return everything we steal through back channels, but not until after we've made contact with Khasinau. The whole point is to get noticed. (Devlin's office.) DEVLIN: "We"? You're proposing to go with her? VAUGHN: I-I know I'm not a field agent, but SD-6 isn't in on this and Agent Bristow will need backup. She trusts me. Now, the plan is to go in as insurance agents offering to lower their premium. Naturally, we would have to inspect their security system thoroughly before we commit any coverage. (SD-6 archives. Sydney sits a laptop, typing.) SYDNEY: (voice over) I downloaded the mission specs from the SD-6 archives. Alarm types at the museum, action point, blueprints... (Self-storage.) SYDNEY: ...Everything. (Devlin's office.) VAUGHN: Sir, this is our best shot at Khasinau. DEVLIN: Do it. (Self-storage.) SYDNEY: You'll deal with the op tech. VAUGHN: I'll take care of it. SYDNEY: I have to stop by the hospital. Emily. She's not doing well. VAUGHN: Yeah, she's sick from the chemo. (Sydney looks at him.) VAUGHN: We heard that from the bug in Sloane's study. I'm sorry. SYDNEY: Yeah. Thanks. (Francie and Sydney's. Will's alone and on the phone.) WILL: Can I get the number for Druzinsky's Pest Control? Sure, yeah. D-R-U--Yeah. Hold--let me just get a pen. (He opens a drawer, looking for a pen.) WILL: Hold on. Yeah, hold on just a sec. (He pulls out a black marker.) WILL: Okay, got it. Yeah. 323-- (Knock.) WILL: Naturally the guy shows up. Right, sorry. (He hangs up and answers the door.) WILL: Hi. PEST CONTROL: How you doing? WILL: Good. Good. PEST CONTROL: Where's the problem? WILL: Uh, well, we got rats over here. Behind the refrigerator. PEST CONTROL: Let me see your rats. (In the kitchen, he bends down and takes out a flashlight.) PEST CONTROL: Not wood... droppings... (Will looks at the open drawer and sees a picture of Jack in there. It's an old picture.) PEST CONTROL: Yeah, these are rat droppings. WILL: Well, uh, kill 'em. Please. PEST CONTROL: You got kids? (Will opens another drawer to find the aluminum foil and plastic wrap. He opens the wrap and rips off a sheet.) WILL: No... PEST CONTROL: Household pets? Dogs, cats? Hello? (Will's busy. He puts the sheet of plastic wrap over Jack's picture and then takes the black marker he had. He draws a mask with the marker over Jack's face.) WILL: What? No. I don't have any pets. PEST CONTROL: Then I'd skip traps and go right to bait. (Will stares at the finished product -- and has a flashback of his kidnapper.) MAN: This will be your only warning. (Will looks at Jack's covered face, and the eyes. They're the same as his kidnapper.) WILL: Holy... (Emily's hospital room.) EMILY: Sydney... SYDNEY: I don't know if you feel well enough to eat these but... total contraband. (She shows a box of chocolates and sits down.) EMILY: Thank you. SYDNEY: I'm so sorry you have to go through this. EMILY: Oh, Sydney, tell me something happy. SYDNEY: Happy. EMILY: Yeah. SYDNEY: Well... I've got the week off from work. Which is nothing, considering your husband owes me, like fifty comp days. But I've been working really hard lately, so... (Emily covers Sydney's hands with her own.) EMILY: Can I give you some advice? SYDNEY: Please. EMILY: When you look back... family, your friends... that's what matters. Work, your job. It wouldn't seem that important. (Sydney nods a little, curious.) EMILY: Even your job... even working for SD-6. (Sydney's shocked.) (In a control room at the hospital -- clearly this is the SD-6 hospital Dixon was admitted to -- an agent sits behind a counter with monitors everywhere. He watches the monitor on Emily's room.) EMILY: Sydney, I know you can't talk about it and I wouldn't have mentioned it except I know how easy it is to lose perspective on things... (Back in the hospital room.) EMILY: And I don't want to see that happen to you. SYDNEY: When... when did Arvin tell you? EMILY: He didn't. Over the years, I'd overhear things. Find clues that he never really left the world of intelligence. And I know he... he keeps me from the truth to protect me. To keep me from worrying. My only regret is not being able to tell him how... how proud I am. (In the control room, the agent starts typing.) (Conference room at SD-6. Jack sits alone. Sydney walks in and sits down next to him. Jack takes out his magic pen -- the frequency jammer -- and flips the lid.) JACK: We're good for two minutes. SYDNEY: Dad, it's Emily. She knows about SD-6. I'm just worried about her. JACK: I know. It's too late. Your coversation was recorded. SYDNEY: The Alliance knows? JACK: Yes. SYDNEY: And? (Sloane's office. He sits behind his desk when the phone rings. He answers.) JACK: (voice over) Information about SD-6 must be treated like a virus. SLOANE: (on phone) Who? JACK: (voice over) There is only one response: containment. SLOANE: (on phone) What did you say? (Conference room.) SYDNEY: Sloane won't let this happen. They won't kill Emily. JACK: The final decision will not be made until after Sloane has met with the head of Alliance security. He is the only one who can save her now. (Sydney walks out of the conference room and looks in at Sloane's office. He looks depressed. She walks in.) SYDNEY: The time off I asked for last week... I'd still like to take it. Would that be all right? SLOANE: Where are you going? SYDNEY: The desert. SLOANE: Yeah. Yes. Of course. SYDNEY: Thank you. SLOANE: The desert... (sighs) Hmm. (She turns and leaves.) (Algeria. Sydney and Vaughn who both harbor French accents, walk with two museum officials and a translator.) SYDNEY: To make a risk analysis, we will need to test your security system. (He translates into Arabic.) SYDNEY: ...See how it operates during a shutdown of your primary generator, heating, electircal, and ventilation system. (He translates.) (Flashback. On the plane to Algeria, Sydney and Vaughn go over the plans.) VAUGHN: Once we're in, we'll need to separate. You'll go inspect the alarm grid in the exhibition space. I'll handle the shutdown from the control room with this frequency jammer. It'll keep the security cameras off for three minutes. A hundred and eighty seconds is all you got. (In the control room, Vaughn is with the translator and one of the museum heads.) VAUGHN: Please shut down the primary generator. (Translates into Arabic. They shut it down. Vaughn takes out the jammer. The cameras go down as well. He starts timing it on a digital watch he wears while the men start questioning why the cameras went down.) TRANSLATOR: He says he can't understand what happened. The second generator has always kept the security monitors online before. (Plane.) VAUGHN: And when I close out the ventilation system-- SYDNEY: The turbine in the shaft will shut down, allowing me to gain access to the vault room on "E" level. (Control room.) VAUGHN: Now shut down the ventilation. (Translates.) (In a hallway somewhere in the museum, Sydney is walking with the other museum head. She throws her briefcase at his neck and he stumbles back. She kicks him twice. The man goes down. Sydney runs. She takes off her jacket and pulls out a power screwdriver from the briefcase and starts taking off the vent cover.) (Vaughn checks his watch nervously -- twenty seconds has gone by.) (Sydney takes off the vent cover. She takes out a shooter, arms it, and points it skyward. The shooter's wire flies up. At the end of the wire, it has a series of prongs on it. The wire attachs itself to the fan blades high above. Sydney, down below, feels the tension, knows it's tight, and attaches it to her belt. She looks down. It's a long way down the shaft. She jumps out into the shaft and hangs on as the cord attached to the fan blades lets her dangle way below. She hits a switch on her belt and starts dropping down.) (In the control room.) VAUGHN: And now keep the heating system offline. (Translates. Vaughn looks at his watch -- forty-nine seconds.) (Sydney drops down, looking at a meter on the wire in front of her that tells her how many feet she's going down.) (Plane.) VAUGHN: The vault room is located through a shaft on the east wall, sixty-seven feet below the main level. (The meter beeps at sixty-seven. Sydney stops dropping and kicks the vent cover in. She stands in the hallway outside the vault room, loosens the wire to get some slack so she can walk in the vault room and still remain tied up to the fan.) (Plane.) VAUGHN: According to the document you gave me, the vault is a third-generation Handvalova. (Sydney reaches across him and picks up a cell phone.) VAUGHN: Careful with that. It's full of plastique explosives in case this doesn't work. (He picks up a silver bracelet and puts it around Sydney's wrist.) VAUGHN: Now, in theory, not only should this crack the safe... (Sydney puts it on the vault door.) VAUGHN: (voice over) It should short the circuitry for two minutes, giving you enough time to get back to the main level before the alarm goes off. (Sydney opens the vault door and starts taking stuff and putting it in her bag.) (In the control room, Vaughn looks at his watch -- a hundred and twenty seconds.) VAUGHN: And electrical. (Translates. All of a sudden, a man bursts into the room shouting in Arabic.) VAUGHN: What is going on? PRESIDENT: I agreed to a system analysis... TRANSLATOR: Mr. Algazabia is the president of the museum. PRESIDENT: ...Not to a shutdown. VAUGHN: We are testing the security system. So far, everything is okay. TRANSLATOR: He has ordered the power restored. VAUGHN: No, no, no, wait, wait, wait. My partner and I flew in from Paris because we were assured the possibility to make a complete offer! Now, to do that, we must run a thorough analysis! Si vous alliez pas nous laisser faire notre travail, il fallait nous le dire avant qu'on fasse tous les préparatifs pour venir venir, hein! PRESIDENT: When the system is offline, essential services go down, including fire protection. That is a risk I cannot take! (In the vault, Sydney takes a few more things.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Control room. Vaughn is panicked.) VAUGHN: I'm warning you, I will file a formal complaint with the legal department! PRESIDENT: (speaks Arabic) Take him. Find his partner. Show them the way out. (Angrily, Vaughn grabs his things and is escorted out. The president orders the man sitting at the desk to restore the power. In the shaft, the fan blades start to whir. Sydney, in the vault, turns when she feels tension. As the fan starts up, the cord that was attached starts tightening around the blades and Sydney is pulled in the shaft by her waist because she is still attached as well. She flies in the shaft and bangs against the shaft wall. She looks up, terrified, to see that she'll be heading toward the fan blades because she can't stop it when the power is on. She sees the opening is coming up where she entered the shaft. As she is pulled up, she grabs on to the edge of the entryway while she is still being pulled up. She hits a button and the belt lets go. Sydney bangs into the wall, still hanging on to the ledge. Her hip hits the wall of the shaft and the phone riddled with explosives falls from her belt and falls to the bottom of the shaft. It explodes. The fire is hurdling up the shaft with Sydney still hanging on inside. She finally gets inside and falls into the hallway of the museum as the fire goes up the shaft. She grabs her jacket and her things and leaves.) (In the lobby of the museum, Vaughn is being escorted out as Sydney meets up with them, back in her costume.) SYDNEY: What's going on? VAUGHN: We're being kicked out. I didn't have time to finish my system analysis. Did you? (The alarms go off.) SYDNEY: Barely. (In the newspaper offices, Will's friend Abby types on her laptop while listening to some music from her stereo next to her. Will walks up, and turns up the music.) ABBY: Excuse me! WILL: (whispers) Listen to me, listen to me. I really need your help, okay? (Outside the newspaper, Will holds a manilla envelope.) ABBY: Wait a minute. You've got to give me more details than that! WILL: No, no, no, no details. ABBY: You were kidnapped? WILL: Here, just-- ABBY: By a man who turns out to be someone you know's father? WILL: Yes, yes-- ABBY: What is this? (She takes the envelope.) WILL: This is an article I've written. Abby, you've got to do this for me. Make sure you keep it sealed, and don't mention this to anyone. And you got to promise me you're not going to open it, unless something happens to me. And if something happens to me, you got to publish it. ABBY: Why would something happen? WILL: Because I'm going to see my kidnapper. ABBY: Oh, Will, you've become insane! WILL: I have enough information that maybe I can write a story that might raise some questions, but I don't have anything that's going to put this guy away! ABBY: Well, publish the story now. That's your insurance policy! WILL: Yeah, but then I'll never get his cooperation! I mean, there's got to be a bigger story here. I want to find out what it is. Abby... you got to promise me you're not going to open it. ABBY: Promise me I won't have to. (That night, Jack comes out of Credit Dauphine and walks to his car. Will starts up his truck.) (At a fancy bar, Jack sits and takes a drink. Will sits down next to him.) WILL: (sighs) There are a few things we need to talk about and, quite frankly, you scare me, so I'd rather talk about them in a public place. Can I have a beer, please? JACK: You want to talk to me? About what? WILL: Let's start with Sydney. Does she know? JACK: I don't know what you're talking about. WILL: Does she know that you kidnapped me? JACK: (laughs) I think you have me confused with someone else. (The bartender sets a beer down in front of Will.) WILL: Thanks. (looks at Jack) No, I don't. I wrote a story. No one's seen it yet, but if I die, it's going to get published. It's a story I don't even want to work on anymore. JACK: Will, you seem very upset. WILL: Yeah, I am, 'cause it just won't go away! This source who told me about you, won't let it. I don't even know where he lives. I don't know where he works, so you can't beat it out of me. But he knows. He knows everything. I mean, he gives me hints and clues and he's never wrong. Now, I don't... I don't know if you work for SD-6, or if you're responsible for the deaths of Daniel Hecht and Eloise Kurtz. I don't even know if you're protecting Sydney, or if she needs to be protected from you, but just tell me what you know. Convince me that you put Sydney's interests first. That in some sick, bizarre twist of fate, you and I are on the same side. JACK: My concern for Sydney is not yours to judge. WILL: Convince me by helping me put a stop to what's going on and uh, in return, I'll... uh, I'll help you find out who my source is because I got a feeling that he's somebody that you'd like to meet. (He lays down his card and walks out. Jack takes a big drink.) (That night, a man brings Jack to the back door of Devlin's home. Devlin wraps a robe around himself and opens the door.) DEVLIN: Thanks, Ethan. (Ethan leaves.) JACK: There's been a breach. Without containment, our entire operation could be compromised. DEVLIN: What's the source? JACK: Best guess, a whistle-blower well placed within the Agency with access to omega seventeen files. He's been talking to a reporter. You should put counterintelligence on it right away. They should start with Steven Haladki. DEVLIN: Haladki? JACK: He fits the profile. Agent rising in rank. Opposed to company policy regarding SD-6. Internal efforts to change policy thwarted. So he takes it out on the building. DEVLIN: That's a pretty big charge, Jack. JACK: The source is putting Sydney's life at risk. DEVLIN: Haladki filed a report on the prophecy. He said you threatened him at gunpoint to get information on where the bureau was holding Sydney. JACK: Yes. And then I used that information to hold other FBI agents at gunpoint in order to free my daughter from a witch hunt. You need to get CI on this tonight. DEVLIN: I want you to stop. I hear your concerns and I will choose how to respond to them myself. You're a good agent, Jack, but lately, I find your methods reprehensible. If I hear of one more instance of you acting off book, you're done. (He closes the door in Jack's face.) (At Francie and Sydney's, Francie sits at the counter while Sydney sits on the sofa, thinking.) FRANCIE: I'm gonna send flowers to Will for babysitting our rodents. What do you think the card should say? SYDNEY: I had s*x with someone. FRANCIE: (laughs) Seriously. (Sydney looks at her. Francie realizes she's serious.) FRANCIE: What? When? (She comes around and sits next to Sydney.) SYDNEY: About a week ago. FRANCIE: When were you going to tell me? SYDNEY: I know, I just... it was Noah Hicks. FRANCIE: Oh. SYDNEY: I know how you feel about Noah. FRANCIE: So, what, did he just call you up? SYDNEY: No. It was a trip. It was a business trip. We just sort of picked up where we left off. FRANCIE: Well, how is he? SYDNEY: He is... it didn't end well. FRANCIE: Well, I'm not surprised. He was never good enough for you. I mean, anybody who would just dump you like that and walk away? He doesn't deserve a second chance. SYDNEY: People change. FRANCIE: No, they don't. I mean, what if I started dating Charlie again? SYDNEY: No, I know... FRANCIE: Hey, you're really down about this, aren't you? SYDNEY: A little. There's nothing to be done about it. I mean... it's over. I just wanted to let you know. FRANCIE: Well, maybe you're right. Maybe I am being a little too tough on Noah. Hey, if he calls, I'll try and be nice, okay? (Marshall's office. Marshall is at his desk, drawing an intricate pattern on an paper house. Sloane enters.) SLOANE: Marshall, get me the last bioscan profile on Edward Poole. (Marshall closes the book and the house. Sloane stares at it for a second.) MARSHALL: Sure, right away. That's a pop-up book. Making them clears my mind. It helps me--feel free to dock me any amount you feel is... oh, here you go. This is interesting. When he came through the scanning room, he was carrying two phones. SLOANE: Can you locate them? MARSHALL: Yeah. (types) There. SLOANE: Good. I have one phone number on Poole. I ran a tap on it but I couldn't find... (He looks out the window of the office and sees the head of security for the Alliance walk through and enter his office.) SLOANE: ...Any leads on Khasinau. MARSHALL: Well, I can probably track down the second one. SLOANE: Just get me the other number right now. (Sloane walks out and enters his office.) SECURITY: Let me begin by saying I know how difficult this is and that if there was any other way-- SLOANE: My wife is dying. SECURITY: I understand. SLOANE: She has lymphoma. SECURITY: Yes. We have both video and audio. This isn't an issue of confirmation. SLOANE: No. No, this is an issue of decency. SECURITY: The time and date have been set-- SLOANE: She is my wife! I am not just going to sit back and allow you to eliminate her! SECURITY: When I first came into the Alliance, my closest friend was Jean Briault. He took me into his confidence. He guided me. He was my mentor. But when Briault was murdered at point-blank range, I didn't ask any questions. I didn't talk of decency. SLOANE: Jean Briault was my friend, too. His murder was a tragedy. I'm just trying to prevent another. SECURITY: The Alliance knows you disregarded their policy and pursued Khasinau. They're going to want to see evidence that your priorities are in order. SLOANE: (stands) Are you suggesting that I allow you to kill my wife to enhance my standing within the Alliance? (Newspaper. Mail call. The mail guy drops an envelope on Will's desk. He looks at it. Written on the front is only his name, and no address. He pulls out a sheet of paper.) (At a clearing, Will drives up where Jack is already there in front of his own car, waiting. Will gets out, looking a little wary and scared.) JACK: I work in intelligence. That is all you need to know. WILL: So, the bank, Credit Dauphine, that's, like a front company? JACK: You and I meet only when and where I decide. Never contact me. WILL: Okay, when you say intelligence, you mean SD-6, right? It's like some off-the-books division-- JACK: We go after the source first. Everything else comes later. Are we clear? WILL: (sighs) Does Sydney know? (Pause.) WILL: Jack? Is your daughter a part of this? JACK: No, she's not. Now... are we clear? (Will breathes a huge sigh of relief.) WILL: Yes. JACK: Do you have a way of contacting your source? WILL: Yeah, yeah. I have a transmitter. It's a pin. I found it in a box of stuff belonging to Eloise Kurtz. (Jack bristles.) WILL: What? JACK: I planted that pin on Eloise Kurtz. WILL: Of course, that's right! Neville said it was government issue. So... you hired her to play Kate Jones so she could lie to me and when she said too much... you had her killed! (Horrified, Will backs up against his truck.) JACK: I did not kill her. But I bear some responsibility for her death, as do you. Focus, Mr. Tippin! Do as I insist or more people will die! WILL: Okay, why don't I contact Deep Throat and I'll insist upon a meeting, and then-- JACK: He told you about me. If you ask for a meeting, he'll know it's a set-up. You will contact him. Tell him you know I was the one who kidnapped you and that you are terrified. Then tell him you are back on the story. This meeting never took place. (Jack gets in his car and drives away, tires squealing.) (Conference room with Dixon, Marshall and Sloane.) SLOANE: Edward Poole was a friend, a visitor to this office, a former operative with MI-6. Recently, I was shocked to learn he has become an ally of Khasinau. So, I asked Marshall to examine his scanning room profile to see if he can come up with any leads. Marshall? MARSHALL: Thanks. Now, this is really good. (Self-storage. Sydney walks in.) VAUGHN: I take it you've seen the news? SYDNEY: It's sort of perfect, right? VAUGHN: So far, so good. SYDNEY: Have you contacted the broker? VAUGHN: Yeah. I stopped in Lisbon on my way back. I told him I was hired by the men who pulled off the robbery. SYDNEY: Who? VAUGHN: A splinter group of the Raslak jihad. SYDNEY: How much did you say you wanted for the solution? VAUGHN: Ten million. And I gave him the sat phone and said we would only field offers during that agreed upon window. SYDNEY: Good. My father disabled the SD-6 satcon intercept so there's no way Sloane can find out about this transmission. (Conference room.) MARSHALL: Okay, based on RF transmissions, we were able to intercept the signal between Pool's cell and the com tower. From that, we were able to set up a wire tap on his STU -- secure telephone unit. (Marshall hits a button on a remote to play the sound of the phone dialing.) MARSHALL: See, then we were able to get Khasinau's number, and run a tap on him. (Self-storage.) VAUGHN: We heard from the broker this morning. Apparently, Khasinau is willing to pay double our asking price in diamonds. SYDNEY: Is Khasinau going to meet us? VAUGHN: No. He's sending Sark. (Conference room.) SLOANE: This is a text of a conversation our tap picked up this morning between Khasinau and Mr. Sark. You will recall the ampule that McKenas Cole stole from us on behalf of Khasinau. At the time, we believed there was only one ampule in existence. This conversation indicates the existence of two. DIXON: It says here that Sark and a splinter group of the Raslak jihad have agreed on the number of men and materiel each side can bring to the meeting. (Self-storage.) VAUGHN: The deal allows for each side to have only one principal and two backups located in the marketplace. (Conference room.) SLOANE: If they bring two, we bring four. (Self-storage.) VAUGHN: Now, when you and Sark meet, you will actually be able to test each other's merchandise, which is why we need to give him the real Rambaldi solution. After he confirms thta the liquid is authentic, you'll make the deal, then switch the vial with an identical one containing colored water and a radioactive isotope we can track via satellite. SYDNEY: So when Sark brings the solution to Khasinau, he'll be bringing us along as well. (Conference room.) SLOANE: Our pursuit of Rambaldi is incomplete without that ampule so in order to recover it, you are authorized to use all necessary force. Is that understood? DIXON: Yes. SLOANE: Good. You leave tonight. (Self-storage.) VAUGHN: Now this guy Sark might've seen you in Moscow-- SYDNEY: He didn't. And even if he did, he won't recognize me this time. VAUGHN: You saw what he did there and in Hong Kong, too. SYDNEY: If you're suggesting we bring someone else in, no way. This is my op. VAUGHN: Okay. We leave for Denpasar tonight. (Denpasar. A plane lands and Dixon walks through the airport, carrying his luggage.) (Will's desk at the newspaper. He stares at the flower pin which is sitting next to his cell phone.) WILL: Hi. I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I've thought about it... I'm back on the story. (Emily's hospital room. Sloane enters and watches her for a moment.) EMILY: Hi... (He walks to her and sits on the bed. She puts a hand up to his face.) SLOANE: (whispers) How do you feel? EMILY: Better... now that you're here. (He kisses her palm lovingly.) EMILY: Dr. Levin stopped by earlier. He said the biopsy is scheduled for next week. (Sloane lets out a little sob. He breaks down.) EMILY: Sweetheart... it's going to be okay. We have to believe that. SLOANE: Yeah. You are so beautiful. EMILY: I know, I must look wonderful. (She laughs a little, crying.) EMILY: Hold me? (Crying, Sloane takes her in his arms.) EMILY: I am so proud of you. (He cries and buries his head on her shoulder.) (Marketplace. Sydney is sitting down wearing full make-up and wearing a costume that covers her face except her eyes, is being carried into the meeting room. Vaughn sits on top of a building nearby, watching with binoculars.) SYDNEY: What have you got? VAUGHN: Sark's already in place. SYDNEY: How many men? VAUGHN: One inside, and one at the gate next to one of ours. SYDNEY: He stuck to the plan. VAUGHN: So far. If anything changes, we're ready. (At the entrance, they come to a stop. Sydney puts her hand up. They nod. Vaughn watches as she goes inside.) VAUGHN: After you both test the merchandise, and make the switch, you'll go your separate ways. (Sark stands. They both speak Indonesian to each other and take their seats.) SARK: I thought we had an agreement that neither side would have the advantage. SYDNEY: That is the agreement. SARK: Then you have not lived up to it. You can see me, I cannot see you. SYDNEY: You know who I represent. SARK: Well, according to the broker, you are affiliated with the Raslak jihad. (Sydney nods.) SARK: A noble cause, to be sure. And a group I respect for its dedication to the principles of ancient Kunta. When I heard of this, I volunteered for the assignment because as it turns out, I'm quite familiar with the Kunta use of the latajang. If you are who you claim to e, your skills with latajang should be unsurpassed. VAUGHN: A latajang? Sydney, stick to the plan! (Sark screws his latajang together.) SYDNEY: The agreement was clear. We meet and trade. SARK: And we will, if you are who you say you are. VAUGHN: Sydney, is he asking you to fight him?! SARK: I've already instructed my guard to stand down. If you want the diamonds, you'll do the same. VAUGHN: Sydney, don't do this! Sydney! (She stands and takes the latajang. They step aside.) VAUGHN: Sydney! (They bow. And they fight. He kicks her and tries to hit her with his latajang. She holds up hers and blocks him. He kicks her. She gasps in pain, her eyes tearing up. He holds the latajang close to her face, the blade about to cut her. She pushes him and kicks him. She protects herself by blocking him again. She flips him by sweeping his feet out from under him with her latajang and points the blade at his throat.) SARK: Excellent. SYDNEY: Let's test the merchandise. SARK: Let's. (He gets up and they sit down, open the cases. She looks at the diamonds. He looks at the vial and tests it. She takes the duplicate vial and hides it in her hand. She covers it with a green material and puts a diamond on top of it, looking at him. He tests the liquid. Vaughn scans the crowd.) VAUGHN: Sydney, it's Dixon! He's here! (Silenced gunshots can be heard as Dixon and his men approach the gate to the meeting room. Sark's guard and Sydney's guard fall to the ground.) VAUGHN: Both guards are down! I repeat, both guards are down! SYDNEY: I am satisfied. Do we have a deal? VAUGHN: He's at the gate! Make the switch! I repeat, make the switch! SYDNEY: Enough. Either we have a deal, or-- SARK: Yes. We have a deal. (He puts the real vial on the table and extends his hand. Sydney is about to shake his hand and is about to make the switch when Dixon enters, his gun pointed at them.) DIXON: Hands in the air! (Sark takes the REAL vial and puts it in his jacket. Sydney didn't have time to make the switch. He raises his hands. Sydney does the same.) DIXON: Where's the vial? I said, where's the vial? (He looks at Sydney, a flicker of recognition comes across his face. Sydney looks away, hoping he didn't recognize her.)
doc_115	Renaissance (2x08 : Carrier) Written by CRAIG SWEENEY Directed by NICK GOMEZ Previously on the 4400 Diana reads Maia's journal and reports to NTAC. Nina: As far as this department knew, Maia wasn't having visions anymore. Diana: She was keeping them secret from me. Writing everything down in a diary. Diana receives some mail. Diana: It's a subpoeana Maia: What do they want? Diana: Your diary Collier warns Shawn away from liv. Collier: Don't reveal your healing ability, because if you heal one of them, you'll have to heal them all. Shawn heals Livs boyfriend. Collier: One day, all of this will be yours. The paperwork's been drawn up. The lawyers know what to do. The sniper prepares to shoot Collier. Collier: Everything's in place. Collier is shot. Shawn: He had a vision to save the future and now he won't be here to see us achieve it. But we will achieve it. Shawn stands by Collier's casket. Tom enters the room at the museum. Alana: None of this is real to me either. This is where they altered us. Gave me the ability to create the world we've been living in. Alana and Tom renew their marriage vows. Alana: Thomas Present Time Tom and Alana return home and speak with Kyle as they eat dinner. Kyle: So let me see if I've got this straight. You two met, fell in love and spent eight years together in some kind of alternate reality. And now you're here with eight years of love and marriage under your belts in what to us was no time at all. Tom: Yeah, that, that, that about sums it up, yeah. Kyle laughs. Kyle: I'll play along. If you two start calling each other honey bunny, I'm SO outta here. Alana: I told you he'd try, Thomas. Kyle: How'd you know that? Alana: Well you might be meeting me for the first time, but I know all about you. Your smart, your favourite writer is Alan Moore and your favourite meal is meatloaf. Kyle: Well I can't be exactly the same. You said there was no 4400, so that means no coma. No time lost. Tom: No major problems, that's right. You were happy. Successful. Kyle: Meaning what? Tom: Nothing. We used to talk about medical school, remember? Over there, you went to Stanford. Kyle: How'd I do? Tom: You graduated with honours. You became a neurologist. Kyle: Must have made you proud. Tom: I'm always proud of you. Kyle: Right. But Doctor Kyle Baldwin in that world you were vacationing in, came from your mind, right? Alana: Uh, actually it was my mind. Kyle: Right, but you created it using his memories. Tom: Kyle! I'm just as proud of what you've accomplished here! Prouder. Diana is in the office when Marco enters. Marco: Hey. Diana: You wanna know why all lawyers are jerks? Cos they spend a lifetime reading this crap. He sits on her desk. Marco: What kind of crap specifically? I'm a pretty good interpreter. Diana: I have 24 hours to turn Maia's diary over to NTAC and not one legal option to get out of it. Marco: What are you going to do? Diana: Well, what NTAC wants, NTAC gets. But I have a nine year old daughter at home who's counting on me to protect her. Marco: Is there any way I can help? Diana: Yeah, you can slap me upside the head for mentioning the diary in the first place. It didn't save Collier's life and now it's making mine hell. Marco: How about I just make some fresh coffee instead. Diana: Thanks. Marco: Yeah. He leaves the office. Back at the Baldwin house and Kyle is sat on the sofa reading the newspaper which has a story on Collier's murder. Alana enters the room. Alana: Do you think they'll find the man who did it? Kyle: By they, you mean, Thomas? Yeah, probably. Dad always gets his man. You heading out? Alana: Yes, I have to keep reminding myself I don't live here anymore. Kyle looks at her and then turns his head away. Alana: Look Kyle. Your father and I love each other. Kyle: That's great. There's not enough love in the world. But I just met you. Give me a few day's before I start calling you Mom, ok? Alana: Uh, you've got one of those already. I'd settle for being a good friend. And I'll keep bribing you with meatloaf until you give in. She leaves the room. The scene shifts to a diner. All the customers and staff lie dead. Outside, people lie on the pavement and in cars. A woman, Jean Delynn Baker, an abductee who disappeared on Oct 27th 1999, stands among the dead and is visibly upset. She walks through the many bodies littering the street. A limo arrives at the 4400 centre. A few men rush to greet the man who steps out of the car. Man: Hello Mr Ross. Did you have a good flight? Matthew: Yeah, thanks. Man: Now would you like me to show you around, or do you wanna get some rest. Matthew: Neither. Take me to Mr Farrell. Man: Yes sir. Right this way. Shawn and Lucy are in his office. Lucy: They've been waiting three day's. Shawn: Tell publicity I'm not sure yet. Lucy: They're saying we're past our deadline. We have to release this press statement. He reads the statement. Shawn: This is supposed to be coming from me? I don't even understand half of what it say's. It doesn't sound like me, Lucy. Lucy: So change it. You're the boss. Oh, and legal needs signatures now or no-one get's paid. Including legal. Shawn: I can only do one thing at a time. Lucy: So let's start with the statement. Matthew enters the office. Lucy: Why don't you dictate something to me? Matthew: No press statement! If the press wants to know what Mr Farrell is thinking, they can watch 60 minutes along with the rest of America. I've already booked an exclusive interview with our new face at the 4400. That's all for now. He hands Lucy back the file. Matthew: Thanks. Lucy looks at Shawn and leaves. Matthew: I'm sorry to just jump in like that. I thought you could use a hand. Matthew Ross. Shawn: Yes. Yeah. What are you doing in Seattle? Matthew: I go where I'm needed. Shawn: You've come to the right place. Matthew: It's no coincidence, Shawn. Jordan made it clear that in the event of his death, I was to step up front and center to help you out. Shawn: Well, another in a long line of plans that Jordan neglected to share with me. But I'm glad you're here. Jordan talked about you a lot. Matthew: You're gonna have to hire yourself a new lobbyist. I'm moving to the home office for the time being. Shawn: Pick any office you want. You start right away. Uh, these letters. Everyone knows I can heal, now. Matthew: Jordan had every intention of revealing your healing ability to the public, but he was planning on doing it in stages. We don't have that luxury anymore. We'll deal with it. Shawn: I can't go outside anymore. There's sick people, press, they follow me everywhere! Matthew: And they will for the rest of your life. The ground just shifted under your feet. You either find your balance or you fall on your ass. This center's the new Lourdes. Nobody's gonna be calling us a cult, anymore. We're turning away people faster than we can sign them up. In ten years, this movements gonna be one of the most dominant faiths on the planet Shawn: Stop. I'm glad things are going so well, I am, but a week ago I was just some guy trying to beat the last level of Doom. I wasn't the Pope then and I'm not the Pope now. Matthew: Yes you are and you need to start getting used to it. Back at NTAC. Nina: The FBI is spearheading the hunt for the man who killed Jordan Collier. Oh, but we are still in the game and NTAC is making this collar. I'm not having someone else clear up are mess for us. Agent: Then we'd better get moving. We all know there's an expiration day on these manhunts. Trail starts getting cold after 48 hours. Tom: I wanna have a look at employee sign in sheets for every office building and parking garage within a ten block radius of the center. Agent: We've already cross examined everyone on those books. Diana: Well then we have to look OFF the books. This guy shot a public figure in broad daylight. There has to be an eyewitness. Nina: And so far Tom, the only one who has seen this killer, is you. April and Maia are at a newstand. April is scratching lottery cards. April: Loser. Pathetic loser! Sweetie, whatever you do, never, ever gamble. It's wrong and it's stupid. Maia: Then why do you do it? April: Because unlike your Mommy, your Aunt April doesn't have a steady income. She's an artist and artists always need cash. Which is where the stupid part comes in, because I always lose. So, this whole see the future thing? It doesn't just apply to Earth shattering events, huh? Maia: Not always. April: So, if I were to ask you which card I.... Maia: That one! Maia points to a card. April: I'll take this one right here. Thanks. She scratches the card and is a winner. April: Baby girl. You are my new lucky charm. Tom and Diana go into Nina's office. Nina: I'm pulling you off the Collier case. Tom: What are you talking about? We still have half that neighbourhood to canvas. Nina: Well, it's gonna have to wait. She runs a tape. Nina: 10.37am Pacific Standard. The Federal Emergency Management Agency sent in a task force to the town of Granite Pass Oregon, population 273, where there's been an outbreak of a lethal, highly contagious and as yet unidentified virus. Diana: Airborne? Nina: Yeah, likely. Tom: Man made? Nina: Unknown. All we do know is, if you went to sleep in Granite Pass last night, chances are, you're filling out a body bag this morning. There's only one resident that FEMA hasn't accounted for yet. Jean Delynn Baker, aged 30. Returnee 0188. Disappeared in '99. Tom: Divorced, no kids. Psych profile say's she's a loner. Diana: Looks like things have been pretty grim for her since she got back. Hasn't been able to hold down a job. Unemployed four times in the last year. Nina: And now she's the only resident of Granite Pass Oregon, who can't be accounted for. So we've got two possibilities. Diana: Either she's immune to this virus, in which case we could study her. Look for a cure. Tom: Or else, she's the carrier. Nina: Either way, your job is the same. Use whatever resources you need and find her. Jean get's a lift in a truck. Truck Driver: So, you gonna tell me where you're headed? Jean is crying and doesn't answer. Truck Driver: I never could stand the sight of a woman in tears. I guess that's why I never got married. You in some kind of trouble? Run off from your family? Law on your tail? Jean: Seattle. I'm going to Seattle. Truck Driver: It's a big city. You want me to just drop you on the edge of town? Jean: I'm going to the 4400 center. I gotta get there. Jean's hands are covered in blisters. Truck Driver: What the hell for? You joining up? Jean: Just get me as close as you can, please! Truck Driver: If you're looking for salvation, you're not gonna find it there. What you wanna do is give yourself over to your true Lord and saviour. Purification day is coming. The signs are everywhere. Pestilence, plague's. Jean: Tell me about it. I woke up in a town full of dead people this morning. My mother, my father, everyone. Truck Driver: Yeah? How come you survived? Jean: I think maybe I caused it. Truck Driver: You? Now I know you're messing with me. Ok, go ahead. Laugh at the Jesus freak! But I'm telling you. The whole world will be wiped clean soon enough. Jean: Look, I don't think you're a freak at all, Mr. Matter of fact, I believe everything you're saying. Diana and Tom arrive in Granite Pass. They both are wearing hazmat suits. Diana takes a look at one of the bodies lying in the street. Diana: The eyes and fingernails show only slight discolouration.Rigormortis has barely set in. What do the autopsy's show? Agent: Nothing we have a name for. Their internal organs are pretty much liquified. This thing works fast. Diana: So you just took your helmet off. You got a death wish? Agent: This virus get's released, dissipates and then disappears within a half hour. Seen enough? Diana: Plenty. Diana and Tom take their helmets off. Tom: So everyone died this morning, because they were within the virus' original radius. Diana: Right. and if you'd drove through town an hour later, you would have been fine. Tom: That's something, anyway. But Orson Bailey and Trent Applebaum. When a 4400 manifests an ability, they get more intense, quickly. Diana: Which means, if Jean Delynn Baker, is transmitting the virus. Tom: Yeah, she might be just warming up. Shawn is reading some letters from people begging for his help. Letter 1: Doctors say they can't stop my cancer from spreading... Letter 2: I'veworked hard all my life. Tuberculosis is eating up my life savings. My beloved wife of 40 years... Letter 3: Grandma told me to pray, so when I saw you on TV, I knew.... Letter 4: Help me. Shawn is upset and throws the letters onto the floor. Someone knocks on the door. Lucy: Shawn, it's Lucy. You're scheduled for the new key's address. Everybody's waiting. Shawn? Lily is pushing Isabelle through a hallway at the center. Matthew walks alongside her. Lily: I'm flattered. I'm just not sure I can take a job, right about now. Matthew: Richard's going to be travelling quite a bit. The daycare here is first rate and completely free. Lily: Well for one thing, I'm not sure I'm qualified. I mean, Assistant Director of Human Resources. I had my first daughter right out of college. You could fit my entire resume on half a page. Matthew: You're a 4400. It's like an advanced graduate degree, around here. Besides, Jordan talked about you. Lily: Oh, I'm sure he did. Matthew: He said you had the gift of empathy. That you were a natural born organiser and that you had a knack for bringing out the best in people. Lily: Jordan said that about me? Matthew: You're a returnee. You're smart. We empower people like you around here. Tom and Diana go to Jean's house and find Marco there. Marco: Wipe your feet. Tom: A killer airborne virus has been released and you're worried about muddy footprints. He waves his finger at him. Marco: It's still somebody's home. Diana: So this is where Jean Delynn Baker, lived. Marco: Until she hit the road, yeah. Tom: Did she keep a schedule or any kind of daily planner? Scientist: Yeah, but I think it went out the window when she realised her entire home town had been wiped out. Diana: Anyone get in touch with her parents? Scientist: This was her house. They were sleeping upstairs when the virus hit. Tom: Ok, you guy's aren't leaving this house, until you've gone through everything. Letter's, phone bills, grocery lists. Marco, listen to me. Find me a pattern. The way she thinks. She's on the run, I want to beat her to wherever she's headed. Marco takes a picture of Diana as she leaves the room. Scientist: Flirt! Marco: You heard the man. The 4400 center switchboard room. Operator: 4400 center. How may I direct your call. Jean: I didn't mean to do it. I didn't mean to kill them. I, these, these blisters. Jean is calling from a motel room. Jean: They itch so bad. Operator: Killed who? Jean: I need you to help me, please! Operator: Who is this? Jean: I'm a 4400 and there's something wrong with me. Everybody that I'm around dies and I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to stop it. The operator calls for a supervisor. Operator: Tell me your name and where you are. Matthew arrives when the call ends. Matthew: How many people dead? Operator: She said, hundreds. But there's nothing about it on the news. Matthew: Could be they're trying to keep it quiet. And there is a 4400 named Jean Baker? Operator: She said she's staying at a motel near the squirrel hill exit on the 64. Matthew turns to Lucy. Matthew: Get me NTAC on the phone. Maia is sat in front of a mirror putting on make-up. April comes in carrying a laptop. April: Yes! You were right! Philadelphia creamed them! Maia: How much did you win? April: $200 for Aunt April. All because of you. My little genius. Now, I'm looking at Chicago versus New York, even up. Chicago's the home team, which gives them some advantage, but New York is coming off a three game winning streak. So who's your pick? Maia: How much are you betting? April: The whole 200 bucks. Which won't win me enough to retire on, but a girls gotta start somewhere. So, you getting anything? Maia: Do you like me? April: What kind of question is that? Maia: I mean, like me for myself. Or because I tell you stuff that's gonna happen. April: Honey, listen. I love you for who you are, not what you can do. Always. Ok? Maia nods and smiles Maia: I'd go with Chicago. April: Chicago it is. Now come on! Aunt April is gonna take you out for pizza. Go wash up and take your Mom's stuff off. You know she get's kind of uptight about.... April takes Maia's hand and looks at some rings on her fingers. April: Oh yeah. This is my Mother's engagement ring. Where did you get this? Maia: I always play with it. April: This is a very valuable ring. Which means it is not for little girl's to play with. Now wash good or I'll order anchovies. Go! Maia leaves and April looks at the ring. Alana is in the kitchen preparing dinner. Kyle runs in. Kyle: Hey! Alana: Hey! Kyle: Don't take this the wrong way, but how did you get in here? Alana: Ah, your Dad gave me a key. Kyle: A little early for dinner, isn't it? Alana: A little early for eating. Not for preparing. Can you cook? Kyle: Sorry, I'm a world class brain surgeon, not a chef. But I can empty a grocery bag with the best of them though. But I have to warn you. You're ignoring the number one rule of Dad. Alana: Which is? Kyle: The longer and more carefully you prepare for a family event... Alana: The more likely it is he won't show. Kyle: Guess you do know the man. Which means, I guess, you also know me, which I'm sorry, is really weird. Alana: You have to admit, it's a little strange for me too. We have this eight year relationship and I have to keep reminding myself that it doesn't really exist. Kyle: So tell me. Was I like number one in my class at medical school? Alana: Does it matter Kyle? You're not in competition with yourself. Kyle: I'm just curious! Alana: Well you keep bringing it up. It's more than curiosity. Kyle: So what if it is? If you knew that there was some parallel universe, where a better, smarter version of yourself was walking around. How would you feel? Alana: He wasn't better and he wasn't smarter. He was you. Kyle: He just had options I'll never have. No 4400, no coma. He got to go to medical school. Alana: Who say's you don't have that option? Kyle: I'm 21. I'm a freshman in college. Alana: So you started a little late. You keep thinking I know two Kyle's. I don't. I just know you. You wanna be a Doctor? I know for a fact that you can pass your MCAS Tom and Diana make their way in the car to Jean's motel. Diana: Jean Baker is in a motel about 10 miles ahead. Tom: Right now, half of NTAC is headed for that place. Mortimer and Felconi should be there already. Diana: It's weird huh? Responding to a tip that came from inside the 4400 center. Tom: Well Shawn did tell me he wanted to cooperate with us. Guess he mean't it. They arrive at the motel to find many cars already there. Tom show's his ID to a sheriff manning a roadblock. Tom: Excuse me. We're NTAC. We need to get through here. Sheriff: I'll open it for you. Diana: So what's going on down there? Sheriff: A dead trucker. Look's like it came on sudden. They make their way over to the truck which has veered off the road. The trucker is lying over the steering wheel, dead. It's the same man that gave Jean a lift. They return to the car and head to the motel. Jean is sat on the bed reading, when tear gas is thrown through the window. Men in hazmat suits burst in and grab her. Man: Jean Delynn Baker! Jean: No, no, no! What are you doing? I called you for help! Man: We know! Come with us! Jean: No, you're scaring me! Please stop, they start to itch when I get scared! Please! Get away from me! The two men fall to the ground. Jean: God! She runs out of the room. Her hands are bleeding and the sores are weeping. As she runs outside, other men fall to the ground. She get's into a car and drives away. Back in the car with Tom and Diana. Diana: That trucker died not more than three hours ago. Tom: He couldn't have picked up Jean more than two hours before that. Diana: Which means he was exposed, infected and killed in like what, 20 minutes. That's faster than any virus I've ever seen. Tom's phone rings. Tom: Mortimer and Falcone. Look's like we're playing backup.[Into the phone] Baldwin! Jean: It's not my fault. Tom: Who is this? Jean is in the car. Jean: I called you for help! You tossed tear gas into my room! Tom: Jean Baker. How did you get Mortimer's phone? Jean: How do you think I got it? They scared me. They came barging into my room! Tom: What did you do to them? Jean: I guess you thought those suits they had on would keep them safe, huh? Well you were wrong, ok? Nobody's safe! That's why I'm warning you. You stay away from me, ok? Just keep everyone away! Tom: Where are you? Jean: I'm driving. Tom [To Diana]: I think she took their car. Call Jarvis. Get a beat on it. [To Jean] Jean, where are you? Where you're going. We wanna help you. Jean: No, I tried that! No-one can help me. No-one ever could! Why should it be any different now!! Tom: I know you don't wanna kill anyone, but listen to me. There's a virus that's growing inside you. It's incredibly lethal. Jean: I've always been toxic. I've poisoned every relationship I've ever had! Tom: This is different. Jean: Yes! They made it real! My parents always thought I was a walking disaster. They never got to see how right they were. Tom: Jean, it doesn't have to be like that. You want this to be over? It can be. Just find a deserted spot, pull over and wait for us to come to you. Jean: I don't need you. I'm taking care of it myself. Tom: What are you gonna do? Jean: I'm gonna end this before I kill anyone else! Tom: End what? Jean: This phonecall, this day, everything! Tom: Look Jean, just, just wait, hold on, just.... Jean: Goodbye. The call ends. Tom: She say's she going to kill herself. Diana: Well I'm not sure that's a solution. It could trigger another release of the virus. Tom: Do we have a fix on her? Diana: Yeah. She's travelling west on the 99. Jarvis has got three helicopters in the air. If she doesn't pull over, there's orders to incinerate. Shawn talks with Matthew. Matthew: Vacation? For how long? Shawn: A month, maybe two, I don't know. Matthew: You think that's what the center, the movement, needs right now? Shawn: I don't know Matthew, but I'm damned sure it's what I need right now. Matthew: I think you're going to have to settle for a long weekend. I hear Future Sound [SP] is nice. Shawn: You're not hearing me. Matthew: I'm ignoring you. There's a difference. Shawn: Listen! I'm not saying I can't do this. I will lead this movement. But Jordan just died and I need some time to get my head around that. Matthew: You're gonna have to grieve on the run, like the rest of us. It's called being a grown up. Shawn: Don't lecture me about my responsibilities! You just got here. And if this place needs me the way that you keep saying that it does. Then it's gonna have to work around me sometimes. Matthew: Look around you. We can do that. Mary O'Connell, taken 1972. Very promising empath. Robert Fields, 1987. Genius with numbers and pattern recognition. John Gerten... Shawn: Who are these people? Matthew: Replacements. Potentially. None of them make the slam dunk you would, but I'm ready to move this center forward, with you or otherwise. Shawn: Jordan used to talk to me that way, sometimes. He was great at getting me to see things his way. You? You're not quite there yet. Matthew: Your healing power makes you unique. Jordan knew it. I believed it. I came here to work with you, but you're asking me to work around you and that I can't do. Shawn: Then you are going to have to spend some quality time with that list, because I'm leaving. I'm sure you won't miss a beat though. I know there's a huge demand for pattern recognition! Shawn leaves the room. [SCENE_BREAK] Marco is still at Jean's house and is on the phone with Tom. Marco: That's, that's, that's impossible. Mortimer and Falcone were wearing state of the art biohazard gear. That stuff's engineered to withstand an anthrax attack. Tom: They're dead, Marco! Obviously, whatever she's releasing is a little crafter than the anthrax virus. Marco: If it got through those suits, that means the antigen's operating on a sub atomic level. Diana: Which basically makes it unstoppable. Marco: Yeah, pretty much. Tom: Jean told me Mortimer and Falcone scared her when they came into her room. Is it possible the release of this virus is connected to her emotional state? Marco: Yeah, more than possible, it's likely. Her medicine cabinet is basically a neon sign flashing, borderline personality disorder. She's got cortisone creams for stress rashes. An assortment of your finer phsyco pharmaceutical's. Xanax, Prozac. Tom: We get it, Marco. She's a wreck. Marco: A wreck who's body acts as a delivery system for the virus she's producing. The same way flowers release pollen. Diana: What, she's emitting spores? Marco: Something like that. Look, spores are just reproductive bodies released by her vascular system. Now the human body is one big vascular system, you know, it runs on blood flow. Diana: Yeah, which can speed up or slow down. depending on moods, feelings... Marco: Right. So when Jean's blood get's going. When she's angry, confused, upset, whatever, a killer virus goes airborne. Tom: We're not far from her car now, Marco. Any advice on how to deal with her? Marco: Uh, don't piss her off? Shawn is in his office attempting to write a letter. Many screwed up pieces of paper lay scattered around him. Lily enters the room, carrying Isabelle. Shawn: Hey. Lily: Hey. Shawn: How are you Lily? Lily: Good. I heard um, you're leaving for a while. Shawn: Huh, that was fast. Anyway I uh, I don't know how long I'm gonna be gone. Lily: What are you gonna do? Shawn: Ah, for starters, I'm gonna disappear for a while. Then um, I don't know, who know's? I mean, I don't have to work here to make people healthy, so I guess I could go anywhere. Lily: So you're just gonna kind of roam the Earth, Kung Fu style? Shawn: Like I'd shave my head or wear a robe, but something like that I guess. Lily: Well you could take these with you. Check out the return address. Stop of in Gloucester, Massachusetts . Do a quick healing and then go on your way. She looks at the begging letters. Shawn: You know about the letters? Lily: Oh Shawn, they're everywhere. Each one sadder than the next. It's too much to take, almost. It did give me an idea though. But your leaving so we'll talk it over when you get back. Shawn: No Lily! Like I said, I don't know when that's gonna be, so please. I would love to hear what you have to say. Lily: Alright, well I was thinking. I mean, we're not a hospital and we're not a charity and still thousands of these requests keep pouring in every day. I mean, no wonder you feel overwhelmed. We're not set up to handle this. Shawn: Yes exactly! That's why I gotta get outta here. Lily: What if we set up a foundation. Part of this place, but seperate. Hire a staff who's only job is to open these letters and find the neediest cases. People that we can help that no-one else can. Shawn: But that is still saying no to thousands of people. Lily: That's right Shawn. But what if we can say yes to one? You heal one person a day, every day. Shawn: That's a big job though. Deciding who deserves it most. Lily: Well, so you form a committee and you load it up with Doctors, social workers... Shawn: And you? Lily: Oh, well... Shawn: Come on, it's your idea. You should at least be there to help make it happen. Lily: Yeah, I just took a job at human resources. I think I could probably get you transferred. She smiles Tom and Diana arrive to find Jean's car on fire. Tom makes his way over to one of the firefighters. Tom: Did you find a body in there? Firefighter: Can't get close enough yet. Tom: As soon as you can, we need to retrieve it. Diana: She said she wanted to end it. Tom: I guess we could send Marco and his boy's back down to the basement. We might find a ripple effect on this one. His phone rings. Tom: Excuse me. Baldwin! Jean: I came close, but, I don't know. Tom: Jean. Jean: I couldn't go through with it. Tom: That's good. Nobody wants you dead. Just tell me where you are. Jean: No, you can't help me. The 4400 Center can't help me, but it doesn't matter. I finally know where I'm supposed to go. Tom: Tell me where. I'll meet you there. Jean: You ever read the bible, Baldwin? Tom: I went to Sunday School. Jean: Spent some time with it back at the motel. The time is at hand. Tom: That's Revelations, right? Jean: But do you know what it means? I bet you don't. See, these blisters, they form on my hands. You get it. Tom: Not sure I do, Jean. Jean: They're talking about me in that book. You got family? Tom: Jean, what are you talking about? Jean: Go to 'em. Hug 'em real tight. I finally figured it out. Why they sent me back. I'm part of their plan. They want me to do this. Tom: Do what? Jean: Purify Humanity. She puts the phone down and leaves the booth. Diana: She was quoting Revelations? Never a good sign, Tom. Tom: She's gone from wanting to help, wanting to stop all this, to believing she's the end of the world. So what does she mean? Diana: She said they wanted her to do this, right? Well that implies it's out of her hands. Tom: Destiny. Diana: Well she's giving up responsibility. Tom: Yeah, that's one way to deal with being a walking plague. Pretend the decision's out of your hands. Diana: I don't think she even wants to think about it anymore. I think she just wants it over. Tom: Well that's her mindset. It still doesn't tell us where she's going. Diana: She's on auto pilot, Tom. My best guess? She does whatever she planned on doing before the bodies started rolling. Marco is looking through a notebook, and phones Tom. Tom: Marco. Marco: Today's Tuesday, right? Tom: It's Wednesday, Marco. Marco: My bad. Uh, she's only got one thing written down for the day. She's filing her unemployment claim...in downtown Portland. Maia is reading in her room and hears April shouting out. April: Son of a bitch! I don't believe it! April bursts through the door. April: Am I dreaming, or did you not tell me that Chicago would win? Do you know what I bet? Maia: $200? Maia is lying on her front, still reading a book. April: Try my Mother's diamond engagement ring and now it's gone! All because I believed in you! Trusted you! And you let me down! Maia: You lied to me! You said winning didn't matter. You said you liked me anyway. She begins to cry. April: Ah, so you knew Chicago could lose, didn't you. Right from the jump, this was all just a test! April sits on the bed. Shawn and Matthew walk through the center. Matthew: A foundation? Don't you think we have our hands full already? Shawn: It's one person a day. Once it's up and running, it's not really gonna eat into my time. Matthew: I thought you were looking for privacy. If you do this, you're stepping into a whitehouse spotlight. Shawn: Yes, but it's on my terms. Matthew: It would be good publicity. Not too hard to get off the ground. You could get some huge names for that filtering committee. I think it's a good idea. Shawn: Well I'm glad that you approve, but I wasn't really asking for your permission. Shawn walks away. Matthew: I would hope not. Jean stands on the pavement outside the Portland Employment Division. Diana and Tom approach her. Tom: Jean. Jean turns and looks at them. Jean: Baldwin. Tom: That's right. Jean: You should have stayed away. Diana: Look around you. All these people, they haven't done anything to hurt you. Jean: They haven't done anything to help me, either. Besides, it doesn't matter. I don't have a choice. I am doing what they wanted me to do. Tom: You don't have to accept that. You have a choice. Jean: Yeah, like I had a choice when I was abducted. I never had a choice. Ever! They got the right girl for the job. What are you doing here, anyway? You should have gone back to your family, like I said. Tom: No I'm, I'm right where I wanna be. Jean: You must have some kind of death wish. Tom: You think your here to kill people? I think I'm here to stop you. They infected you Jean, and that was wrong. But you don't have to let them make you into a mass murderer. Jean: I'm already a killer! Tom: No, you haven't decided to kill anyone. That's what you're doing right now! Whatever you're thinking about, destiny or fate, whatever, you're wrong. You don't have to do this. You don't. He holds his hand out to her. Jean: Wanna hear something funny? I believe you. But it's too late. Blisters have appeared on her hands. Jean: Oh, they're so white! I can't stop it now. I itch so bad! I don't.... Diana shoots her through the heart and as she begins to fall, Tom catches her, gently lowering her to the ground. Medics run over and spray her hands. Later, Diana is back in the office. Marco walks in. Marco: Hell of a day. How you holding up? Diana: Well, I'm scheduled for physichiatric counselling on Monday. Saved thousands of innocent people. Had to shoot a woman, to do it. Marco: Hey, you did what you had to do. Anyway, uh, I'm not sure if this is a good time, but I made you a little something. He hands her a black book with the word's Maia's Diary written on the front. Marco: It's kind of a, well a fake version of Maia's diary. It should fool just about anybody. Diana: You forged this to get NTAC off my back? Marco: I know it's a big thing, but you were kind of over a barrel, so... Diana: This could get me into a lot of trouble. This could get YOU in a lot of trouble. Marco: Yeah uh, you don't have to use it if you don't want to. I'm just giving you an option. Diana: This is insane. It's also, maybe one of the nicest things anybody's ever done for me. Matthew and Lily are in the grounds of the 4400 Center. Matthew: I wanna thank you for a job well done. You must have been very persuasive. Lily: I just said what I thought. Your idea for a foundation was terrific. Matthew: You mean your idea, don't you? Lily: Do we have to be all cloak and dagger about it? Now you and Shawn both got what you wanted and a lot of sick people are gonna get help. Matthew: Well you did a lot of good for the center today and I'm not gonna forget it. Lily: Hey Matthew! You know what the center means to me? Matthew: What? Lily: Free rent and daycare for my daughter. I'm not 63. I'm not an 18 year old kid. I don't need you to discover the magic power inside of me. Matthew: So in other words, you're not a true believer. Lily: Is that a problem? Matthew: Not at all. Neither am I. He walks away. Tom arrives home that night and heads to the kitchen. Alana enters. Alana: You look wiped. Tom: Don't ask. You didn't have to do this. Alana: I didn't. Your son's the cook. Tom: Kyle! I bet he had a little help. Alana: Well you know, we got to talking. It was nice. Tom: How was your day Alana? Alana: Well I bought these pieces from this young artist girl from Benstein, self taught. And she painted this little scrap of garden in her backyard. And it's light and.... Tom kisses her and she carries on telling him about her day. Diana enters Nina's office. Nina: You ok? Diana: More or less. But you almost forgot. She places the fake diary on Nina's desk. Nina: No I didn't. But I thought in line of today's events that I would give you a little extension. Diana: Well that's not necessary. It's a hot read. Lot's of good stuff about Spongebob. Nina: Thankyou. Diana leaves the office and Nina begins to read the diary. Kyle is on his laptop looking at pre med courses. He turns to the television, which is showing Collier's murder. He has a flashback to smashing in the shop window and then suddenly the memories of the murder race through his head. Flashes of him burying a bag and shooting Collier. He turns from the television and bends over as though in pain. A witness is at NTAC helping an artist sketch the killer. Witness: His eyes were more narrow. Yes that's him. His mouth was more flat, not smiling. That's him! The sketch is given to all NTAC members and posted on boards. It is quite a good likeness of Kyle, although not exact.
doc_116	Teleplay by: Peter Tibbals Story by: Judd Rubin [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Chandler: Hey! Monica: Good morning, Tiger! I'm making you a nice big breakfast so you can keep up your strength for tonight. You're gonna get me good and pregnant. Chandler: I've got nowhere to go this morning. I'm unemployed! I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. Monica: Well, I just lost my erection. Chandler: I mean, what am I supposed to do with myself? Monica: You're supposed to find your passion in life. You can be whatever you wanna be now. It's exciting. Chandler: But it's all so overwhelming. I don't know where to start. Monica: Hey, wait a second. I can help you with this. You just need to be organized. We can make a list of your qualifications, and categorize jobs by industry. There could be folders and files! Chandler: Hey! This is where your hyper-organized-pain-in-the-ass stuff pays off! Monica: I know!!! My erection is back! Opening Titles [Scene: Central Perk] Joey: (To Gunther who comes over with coffee and a muffin) Thank you! Phoebe: Joey, can I have a sip of your coffee and a bite of your muffin? Joey: Okay. Phoebe Thank you. (Pours his coffee in a thermos and puts his muffin in her purse.) Thank you! Joey:: Pheebs, have you ever been bitten by a hungry Italian? Phoebe: I'm sorry, it's just, I'm a little short on cash. Joey: If you want I could loan you some money? Phoebe: Oh no, no, no. I learned never to borrow money from friends. No, that's why Richard Dreyfuss and I don't speak anymore. Joey: Oh, hey, how about this? Wanna be an extra on my show? Phoebe: You could do that? Joey: Yeah, yeah. The pay is pretty good and you could do it for as long as you need. Phoebe: Oh my god, I'm gonna be on TV! Joey: Okay, now. I gotta tell you, being on TV isn't as glamorous and exciting as you think. Phoebe: Oh, really? Joey: No it is awesome! (Rachel and Ross enter with Emma) Ross: Hi guys. All: (Adlib hellos) Phoebe: Wow! Hey, why are you all dressed up? Ross: Rachel and I are bringing Emma to Ralph Lauren today to introduce her to everyone. Doesn't she look cute? Joey: She sure does. Why does she have a pink bow taped to her head? Rachel: Well, because if one more person says "what a cute little boy" I'm gonna whip them with a car antenna! Ross: I think she's gonna be the hit of the office, huh? She's gonna be hotter than peasant blouses and A-line skirts. Can I get a blue bow? [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Monica: (Flipping through bunch of folders as Chandler enters from bathroom) Okay, I have looked through a bunch of career guides, photocopied and highlighted key passages and put them into alphabetical folders so you can make an informed decision. Chandler: How long was I in there? Monica: Okay. Let us start with the A's. Advertising. Chandler: Wait. Advertising! That's a great idea! Monica: Don't you want to look through the rest? Chandler: I don't think I have to hear the rest. Advertising makes perfect sense. Sorry you had to waste all this time, though. Monica: You call eight hours alone with my label maker wasted time? Ooh, now I get to use my shredder! Chandler: I mean, I can write slogans. I mean, how hard can it be, right? "Cheese. It's milk that you chew." "Crackers. Because your cheese needs a buddy." "A grape. Because who can get a water melon in your mouth?" Monica: I got one. "Socks. Because your family's feet deserve the best." Chandler: Honey? Leave it to the pros. Monica: I actually know someone in advertising. I grew up with this guy who is a vice president at a big agency. Maybe I can get him to meet you? Give me the phone. Chandler: "The phone. Bringing you closer to people...who have phones." Monica: "Marriage. It's not for everybody." [Scene: Ralph Lauren] Rachel: That went well. Almost everybody knew that she was a girl. Ross: Yeah, after you punched that one guy who got it wrong, word spread. Rachel: I'm just gonna go in my office and pick up some stuff . (To the guy behind her desk) Who the hell are you!? Guy: Who the hell are you? Rachel: I'm the hell person whose office this is! Ross: Good one, Rach. Guy: I'm Gavin Mitchell, the person who's taken over your job. Rachel: Excuse me? Gavin: Oh, your baby's so cute. Why did you put a pink bow on a boy? [Scene: DOOL set] Phoebe: Joey, look at me! I'm a nurse! Joey: Yes you are. I think it may be time for my sponge bath. Sorry, I'm just so used to hitting on the extras. So, are you excited about your scene? Phoebe: Yeah! But I'm a little shaky and nervous. Joey: Oh, relax. Don't be. You'll be fine, you'll be fine. They'll probably just make you stand in the back. Director: Okay, okay, okay! (To Phoebe) You. Here, come here, here. You're gonna take this tray, you're gonna stay on this yellow mark. You're gonna move on "action!" You're gonna walk over to the operating table. You're gonna stop on that blue mark, you're gonna put the tray down. Don't walk too fast! But don't doddle. Phoebe: Okay, now. What? Director: And...Action!! (Phoebe starts walking toward the operating table. Her hands are shaking like crazy, causing the tray to rattle.) Director: Cut! Cut! Phoebe: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just a little nervous. Director: Well, don't be. Phoebe: Okay, that helps. Director: And...Action! (Phoebe starts walking towards the table again. She's even more shaky than before and almost drops the tray.) Director: Cut! Joey: Hey, you know what? Don't worry, Pheebs! It usually takes me three takes too! (Off the director's look) Alright, eight. Director: And...Action! (Ok, here we go again. Phoebe starts walking toward the operating table, but stops every time the tray starts to rattle. She eventually drops it on the floor, but finishes the scene anyway by putting the now non-existent tray on the table.) [Scene: Central Perk] Interviewer: So, do you have any other question about advertising? Chandler: No, no. But let me show you what I can do. "Bagels and donuts. Round food for every mood." Interviewer: Monica warned me you might do that. I actually think we might have something for you at the agency. Chandler: Really? That's great! Interviewer: It's an unpaid internship. Chandler: It's funny. When you said "unpaid" it sounded like you said "unpaid." Interviewer: Come on now. Monica has a good job. And it's not like you have a family to support. Chandler: Actually, we're trying, and I don't think Monica's gonna wanna postpone it. We're supposed to have sx tonight. Actually, she's probably at home naked right now. I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me. I can just picture her on the bed right now. Interviewer: Stop! Interviewer: Okay. [Scene: Ralph Lauren] Rachel: Wait a minute! What do you mean, you're taking over my job? Gavin: Well, while you were on your baby vacation I was doing your job. Rachel: A vacation? My idea of a vacation does not involve something sucking on my nipples until they are raw. Gavin: Clearly you've never been to Sandles Paradise Island. Rachel: Alright! Don't get too comfortable there, because I'm back in two weeks! And I want everything back to the way it was. I can't say that I care too much for the way you've rearranged my office. Gavin: I can't say I care too much for that smell you've brought in with you. Rachel: Excuse me? Ross: Rach we have a code brown situation. Rachel: Can you please, please take care of it for me? Ross: Alright, but you have to do one sometime. Rachel: Let me just get this straight! So I go have a baby and they send some guy in to do my job? Gavin: Well, there was talk of shutting down Ralph Lauren all together. Rachel: That's right. You're very cheeky for a temp. Gavin: I'm not a temp. I was transferred here from another department. Rachel: Oh yeah, what department was that? The Jerk department? Gavin: Oh, they didn't tell me about your quick wit. Rachel: Did they mention that I'm rubber and you're glue? Mr. Zelner: (Enters) Gavin, Ralph loved your ideas. Rachel: Oh, hi Mr. Zelner. Mr. Zelner: Rachel, I see you've met Gavin. I must say, when you left us we weren't sure what we were gonna do. But then, Gavin to the rescue. Super Gavin! Rachel: That's great. So now, Super Gavin, when I come back where are you planning on flying off to? Gavin: Well, that's up to Mr. Zelner. I'm sure he will make the right decision. Rachel: (To herself) Oh, wow. Super ass-kissing power. Mr. Zelner: Incidentally, when are you coming back? Rachel: Today. Gavin: You said two weeks. Rachel: No, I said today! See, for a superhero, not so much with the listening. [Scene: DOOL set] Joey: Hey. Phoebe: Hey. So, what did he say? Joey: Well, he can be a little rough around the edges, so I'm gonna replace a word he used a lot, with the word "puppy." Okay, so he said: "If your puppy friend doesn't get her puppy act together, I'm gonna fire her mother-puppy ass." Phoebe: I'm sorry, I can't do this. I'm not an actor. Joey: That's right, you're not. You're a nurse. You're Nurse With Tray. Phoebe: Joey. Joey: No, no. Nurse With Tray doesn't know Joey, she doesn't have time for friends. She gets in that operating room and she carries that tray to the doctor, because if she doesn't, people die! Phoebe: Who dies? Joey: (Points to man on operating table) Man With Eye Patch! You get in there and you do your job. Phoebe: Yes, doctor. Joey: Okay. Director: Okay, let's try this one more time. Phoebe: Hang in there, Man With Eye Patch, your tray is coming! Director: And...Action! Phoebe: (Does the scene) Yes, I did it!!! I nailed it!!! Yay! What's next? Director: The rest of the scene. Phoebe: Okay, from the top, people! [Scene: Ralph Lauren] Rachel: Listen. Sudden change of plans. My maternity leave just ended. They told me that if I didn't come back today, they were gonna fire me. Ross: What? No, that's illegal. I'm gonna have the labor department down her so fast they won't even... Rachel: Alright, alright. Calm down Norma Rae. They didn't actually say that. I'm just afraid if I don't come back right now this guy's gonna try to squeeze me out. Ross: What about Emma? We don't have a nanny. Rachel: I know. You know, we're just gonna have to figure out a plan tonight. Can you please just take care of her for today? Ross: Absolutely. Just give me your breast and we'll be on our way. Rachel: Come on, I don't know what else to do. Ross: Fine, fine. (To Emma) We'll have fun, won't we? Yes, we will, yes we will. (Gives her a kiss, and the pink bow tapes itself to his head.) Rachel: Ross? Ross: Huh? Rachel: You're pretty. [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Chandler: Whatever I decide to do, I'm gonna be starting a career from scratch. It's gonna be a while before I make a living at it. Maybe now is not the right time to be starting a family. Ross: So you have to tell Monica you don't want to have a baby right now? Chandler: Yeah. Ross: (Hugs Chandler) Good-bye. Monica: (Enters) Okay, it's baby time. Pants off Bing. (Sees Ross) Didn't see you there Geller. Chandler: Yeah, Ross is here so... Ross: Yeah, and I was really hoping that I could hang out. What do you feel like doing? Monica: We're gonna have sx. Ross: I don't feel like having sx. Maybe we can watch a movie or something. Monica: Let me put it this way. We're having sx whether you're here or not. Ross: Pants off Bing! [Scene: Ralph Lauren] Rachel: Alright. Now that I'm back, why don't you just fill me in on what you've been up to? Gavin: Well, I've changed your screensaver from that picture of *Nsync. Rachel: Hey, they were popular when I left! Gavin: Also, I've just been working on this big presentation for tomorrow. Rachel: Well, I should be involved in that, so why don't you get me up to speed? Gavin: That's gonna take weeks. Why don't just let me take care of the presentation? Rachel: Oh, no no no no. I see what you're doing here, alright, listen, this is my job buddy. Okay, I've had it for five years, and I know how it works, so why don't you just catch me up! Gavin: Fine. Rachel: (Sits down in her chair) Oh god. You've totally messed with the back support of my chair. How do you fix this? Gavin: Hey, you've been here five years, you figure it out. Rachel: Fine, I will. (Pushes that button thing on the chair that makes it "collapse") Alright, fill me in! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Ross: Hey. Chandler: Hey. Ross: You have a blue tie that would go with this? Emma spit up on mine. Chandler: Oh, yeah. But you have to give it back if I get a job. Of course, by that time in the future ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jump suits. Monica: (Enters from the bedroom) Hi, good morning lover. I gotta say after last night, I'm a little weak in the knees. Ross: Here's an idea. You walk into a room...take a quick scan! Monica: (To Ross) Sorry. (To Chandler) But I kind of have this feeling that we may have made a baby last night. Chandler: Oh god, I have to tell you something. You're not pregnant. Monica: What are you talking about? Chandler: That thing that I have to do to make a baby. I faked it. Monica: What!? You faked it? Ross: You know what? I don't need a tie. I mean, it's better, open collar. You know, it's more casual (He leaves.) [Scene: DOOL set] Phoebe: Joey, listen. I can't do this, it doesn't make any sense. Yesterday I was a nurse, and today I'm a waitress at a cafe? Joey: Oh, sometimes we use the same extras for different parts. It's okay. Phoebe: Well, it's not okay, because I gave a very memorable performance as the nurse. And now suddenly I'm the waitress? That's gonna confuse my fans. Joey: Maybe you are a nurse, but you moonlight as a waitress. Phoebe: Uhuh. Because I'm a single mother, supporting my two children. Joey: Nice. Phoebe: Wait a minute. Dr. Drake Ramoray and I work at the same hospital. Wouldn't I come over to say hi to him? Joey: No, no. See, you and Drake are having a fight. Phoebe: About what? Joey: He slept with you and then never called you. Phoebe: And I just wanted a new daddy for Davy and Becky. Director: Okay, okay, from the top. And...Action! Man: So, I'm surprised you agreed to have lunch with me. Joey/Drake: I'm surprised to, but yet here I am. (Phoebe walks by and slaps him.) Director: Cut, cut! What are you doing!? Phoebe: Yeah, well, I'm very angry at him, because he slept with me and never called me back. Extra: Me too! Another extra: Me too! Joey: Oh, calm down! She means on the show! We need some new extras around here! [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Gavin: (Enters) Wow, you're here already. Rachel: Yes. Emma and I came in a little early to do research on the presentation. I actually made a few changes, but I think I'm caught up on everything. So ask me anything! Gavin: How do you fix the chair. Rachel: Except that! (Mr. Zelner enters) Oh, hello, Mr. Zelner. We're all ready for our presentation this afternoon. Mr. Zelner: Good, because it's in ten minutes. Rachel: What? I can't do that! I have the baby, and Ross is not gonna pick her up for another hour. Mr. Zelner: Well, then Gavin can give the presentation, okay, we have to do it now. Ralph needs to leave early today. He's going helicopter shopping. Rachel: Well, there you go. You win, you win. You get to do the presentation, you'll knock 'em dead, no one will ever remember that I worked here, and then Ralph will buy his helicopter, and Super Gavin will just fly right along side of him! Gavin: You can do the presentation. Rachel: No, I can't, I have a baby. Gavin: I'll watch her. Rachel: Why would you do that? Gavin: Because you've worked really hard, and it's your job, and you're a little crazy. Rachel: That's really nice. Gavin: I should tell you that crying women make me very uncomfortable. Rachel: Then you're not gonna like what's coming. (Starts crying) I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Thank you, thank you. Gavin: I'm really fine, don't worry, I'm great with children. (To Emma) Gavin Mitchell. Pleased to meet you. [Scene: DOOL set] Joey: Please don't fire my friend. Just let me talk to her. Director: Okay, okay. But this is her last chance. Joey: Thank you, thank you. How about I do something for you? Tomorrow, I'll bring you a hat, cover up the bald? Joey: Hey, listen Pheebs. I was just talking to the director, and he was thinking, maybe this time you don't hit Drake, you just wait on the tables? Phoebe: I can't do that. I'm an actor. I have a process. Joey: You're a masseuse. You have a table with a hole in it. Phoebe: Wait a minute, I see what's happening here. You're threatened. Joey: What? Phoebe: Yeah, I'm so good in this scene that I'm stealing focus from you. Well, rise to the challenge Tribianni 'cause I just raised the bar. Come join me up here! Joey: (To the director) Yeah, you can fire her, but I would call security, she won't go easy. [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Monica: You faked it? You couldn't have faked it! Chandler: Oh yes you can. You just make the faces and the noises. Monica: Guys can fake it? Unbelievable. The one thing that's ours! Besides, why would you fake it when we're trying to have a baby? Chandler: That's actually why. Look, I'm starting a whole new career now, and I'm not saying that I don't want to have a baby, I'm just saying maybe we could wait a little while. Monica: Like a month? Chandler: Or a year? Monica: Really, you want to wait a year? Chandler: It could be less than a year. I mean, you've heard my stuff. "Pants. Like shorts, but longer." (Pause) It'll probably be more than a year. Monica: I really wanna have a baby. Chandler: Yeah, me too. Look, I'll just get my old job back. Monica: No, I want you to have a job that you love. Not statistical analysis and data reconfiguration. Chandler: I quit and you learn what I do? Monica: It's just, I think, there's never gonna be a right time to have a baby. I mean, now you're unemployed and in a little while you'll find a new job that'll keep you really busy. There's always gonna be a reason not to do this, but I think once the baby comes, forget about all those reasons. Chandler: I guess. It's always gonna be scary when we have a baby. Monica: It's gonna be really scary. I mean, god. When we have a baby, there's gonna be so much that we're not able to control. I mean, the apartment's gonna be a mess, I won't have time to clean it. What if the baby gets into the ribbon drawer? Messes up all the ribbons?! What if there's no room for a ribbon drawer, because the baby's stuff takes up all the space!? Where will all the ribbons go!?! Chandler: Should we go make a baby right now before you change your mind? Monica: Yes, please! Chandler: Oh, and I promise, I will not fake it this time. Monica: I wish I could say the same. I'm a little shook up! Closing credits [Scene: DOOL set] Joey/Drake: I know you botched that operation on purpose. I can't prove it yet, but when I do, you'll be going to jail for murder. I don't care if you are my brother. Man: I'm not your brother. Phoebe/Waitress: What about my children Drake?! Huh!? (She starts running around on the set with a security guy chasing her) No!! No!! No! God!
doc_117	[Scene: Rodriguez's place. He's looking at pictures of Prue, Piper and Phoebe. Tempus appears in a ball of flame.] Rodriguez: Tempus... Tempus: I never expected to see me. Of course not. You are not worthy before now. What is the name you are using? Rodriguez: Rodriguez. Tempus: Ah, yes. I have been sent to you, Rodriguez. As a gift. Rodriguez: Sent? By who? Tempus: I think you know who and why. Rodriguez: I can defeat the Charmed Ones on my own. I don't need any help. Tempus: Really. What makes you think you have actually found the Charmed Ones? Rodriguez: Are you kidding? After so many of my colleagues have mysteriously vanished in San Francisco this year. It can only be one reason why. I posed as a cop as I believed that one was covering for them. I was right, he was. That's how I found them. Of course, you already know all that don't you. That's what makes me so worthy now, right? Tempus: Watch your tongue, Rodriguez, lest I split it for you. It's one thing to have found the Charmed Ones, it's quite another to defeat them as those who have gone before you have already discovered. Tomorrow is Wednesday. I want you to get all three witches together in one place by midnight and give it your best shot. But if you fail ... Rodriguez: I will not fail. Tempus: Well, if you do, I'll be there to help you learn by you failures. Trust me. Now, how do you expect to get them together? Rodriguez: Trudeau. [Scene: A paperboy rides along the road, a car honks and he waves. He throws the paper on the Halliwell's lawn. Inside the manor.] Weather Girl: (on TV) Good morning, San Francisco. Well, it looks like it's going to be a beautiful Wednesday. Phoebe: (on the phone) Piper, what are you doing at Quake? It's 8:00 in the morning. (Prue enters the kitchen.) Prue: Morning. Phoebe: Morning. (to Piper) Yes, alright, I'll be there in an hour. (You can see Kit on the bench and he knocks over a pepper shaker.) Prue: You'll be where in an hour? Phoebe: Ah, Quake. Piper's doing that thing for the food network and she needs me to bring her another dress because she spilt marinara sauce over the one she's wearing. Prue: Just stay out of my closet. Phoebe: Oh, don't worry, I don't think she'd want to ruin another one of yours. Prue: (Reading the paper) I don't believe this. Phoebe: I'm kidding. Don't have an aneurysm. Prue: No, I'm talking about the paper. Did you see the front page? (Phoebe shakes her head. They hear a crash outside.) Where did you park my car last night? Phoebe: In the driveway ... I think. (They run to the window.) Prue: Mrs. Henderson's car. Phoebe: Oh, thank God. I mean, that your car's in the driveway and I'm not in the dog house. Is she okay? Prue: Yeah, just a little fender bender, no big deal. Phoebe, Andy's in trouble. Phoebe: What? Why? (Prue shows her the paper. Written on the front page is "Inspector Suspected In I.A. Murder.") They think that he killed that Internal Affairs cop? No way. Prue: Maybe it's a setup, trying to force him to reveal our secret. Phoebe: Let me see that. (She takes the paper off Prue and has a premonition.) Prue: What is it? Phoebe: I saw Andy, Prue. He was dead. Opening Credits [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Continued from before.] Prue: Wait, you said that you didn't see a demon or a warlock in your premonition, right? Phoebe: No, but the way he was hurled across the room, there had to of been one. Prue: This room here. Phoebe: Right here, yeah. Prue: Okay, and you're positive that it was Andy. Phoebe: Prue. Prue: I just want to be sure, alright, this isn't just anybody that we're talking about, you know. Phoebe: I know, and I care about him too. Prue: I know you do. I'm sorry. Um, right, why don't you fill in Piper and I'm gonna go warn Andy. Phoebe: How? He said it was too risky for you to be seen with him. Prue: Yeah, well, I don't care. Let Internal Affairs find out that we're witches. Andy's life is a lot more important. Phoebe: Okay, just please be careful. You don't know what kind of demon we're up against. [Scene: Police station. Andy is in a room with Darryl.] Darryl: If you ask me, I wouldn't be surprised if Rodriguez was the one who whacked his own partner. Andy: I.A. already cleared him. Darryl: I.A. cleared an I.A. Go figure. Andy: Yeah. (Rodriguez enters the room.) Rodriguez: What are you doing here, Morris? Darryl: Backing my partner, Rodriguez, something you wouldn't know anything about. Rodriguez: This is between him and me. Andy: It's okay, Darryl. (Darryl leaves the room.) Just for the record, I'm not saying anything without my lawyer present. Rodriguez: You don't need a lawyer, that's if you're willing to help me. Andy: You want me to help you? (He laughs.) What, you can't frame yourself, Rodriguez? Rodriguez: Look, Andy ... Andy: Oh, it's Andy now. Rodriguez: I don't think you had anything to do with my partner's murder. That's right. But what I do think is completely off the record. And I think you'll understand why. (Rodriguez shows Andy a photo.) That's my partner. Or at least what's left of him. No human could of done that to him. I think he was killed by something supernatural. And I think you can help me figure out who or what it is. Andy: Really. What makes you think that? Rodriguez: Come on, I know all about those unsolved cases of yours, and I know who's behind them too. Who you've been covering for. It's very noble. You must care about her very much to give up your career for her. Prue Halliwell ... is a witch. Andy: A witch, huh? You wait here, I'll go warn the Wizard of Oz. (He stands up.) Rodriguez: I don't have time to screw around, Trudeau. I want you to arrange a meeting between her and me. It has to be tonight. She can help me find who killed my partner, I'll drop all charges against you. I won't tell anyone about her. You think about it, but not too long. (He leaves and Darryl enters.) Darryl: You alright? Andy: I'm not sure. I gotta go see Prue. Darryl: That's funny. She called and said she had to see you too. [Scene: In the street outside a clock shop. Tempus is waiting there. Rodriguez walks up to him.] Tempus: Well? Rodriguez: I'm sure I made Trudeau suspicious of me. She'll have no choice but to meet with me. Tempus: But you have to get all three of them together. Rodriguez: Trudeau cares about her. He won't let her risk meeting me alone. He'll insist she have the power of three there with her for protection. Tempus: And you think you have the power to defeat them all. Rodriguez: You don't think I do, do you? You think I'll fail. Tempus: Time will tell. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Quake. Phoebe has another dress for Piper.] Piper: Phoebe, over here. (She gives Piper the dress.) Thank God. The segment producer's gonna be here any minute and I am a complete and total wreck. Phoebe: Piper ... Piper: I thought I was gonna have to pull a Celine Dion and wear my dress backwards. Phoebe: Piper, you have gotta listen to me. I had a premonition of Andy dying. Piper: When? Phoebe: This morning. Don't you check your voice mail? I called and said it was important. Piper: Oh, know. Where's Prue? Phoebe: She's warning him. But in the mean time we have to figure out who the demon is. (A woman enters Quake. Piper stands behind Phoebe to cover the marinara stain.) Woman: Piper? Piper Halliwell? I would recognize you anywhere, you have not changed a bit. You don't recognize me do you? It's Joanne. Joanne Hurts, Baker High, class of '92. Piper: Oh, sure, of course. Joanne, what are you doing here? Joanne: I'm the segment producer. Piper: You're the segment producer? (to Phoebe) She's the segment producer. Phoebe: I heard. Piper: Wow, what a small world. I thought you moved to New York. Joanne: I did. And that's where I met my fabulous husband who had this crazy idea of starting this little cable show and putting me in charge of everything. And here we are, the food networks most popular show. Talk about dreams coming true. Anyway, enough about me, what have you been doing? (Piper freezes Joanne.) Phoebe: Why'd you do that? Piper: What am I suppose to say? That I'm a cash strapped, single restaurant manager, who still lives in the same house I grew up in with my sisters? Phoebe: And the cat, don't forget our cat. Piper: Phoebe, this isn't funny. Phoebe: Look, I don't know why you're getting so upset. She is a freak. I'm sorry, but no one is that successful at the age 26. Besides, you are successful, you're talented, you're creative, and the food network is here to see you. Not me, not her, you. Feel better now? Piper: Very little. Phoebe: Good. Unfreeze that bitch in heels, you've got a segment to shoot and we've got a demon to find. [Scene: Park. Andy and Prue are there.] Andy: Has Phoebe ever been wrong about her premonitions before? Prue: No. But the good news is every other time we've been able to affect the outcome. Stop the demon or warlock before ... Andy: Before I get killed. Can I get that in writing? Prue: Andy, you just have to be extra careful until we figure out who this demon is, okay? (Silence.) Andy. Andy: I was just thinking ... what if the demon was Rodriguez. Prue: Why would you say that? Andy: He pulled me in the station house this morning. I thought he was gonna arrest me. What he really wanted was a meeting with you. Prue: Meet with me? Why? Andy: Because he thinks his partner was killed by a supernatural being and somehow, I don't know how he knows you're a witch. Prue: How would he know that unless ... Andy: Unless he was the demon. Prue: Alright, uh, tell Rodriguez to meet me at the manor at 6:00. Andy: It's too dangerous, Prue. Prue: I don't have a choice. If I don't meet with him, he'll try to frame you and try to expose me. Andy: But if he is a demon and it turns out to be a trap. Prue: And I'll have Piper and Phoebe there to back me up, the power of three. Andy: Plus one. Prue: No. You can't be there, Andy. That's where you were in Phoebe's premonition when ... just promise me you'll stay away. Andy: I can't do that, Prue. Prue: I mean it. Don't make me use my magic on you. (They smile.) I don't want anything to happen to you, Andy. You know how much I care for you. Andy: Okay, I promise. [Scene: Outside the manor. Andy's sitting in his car. Rodriguez arrives in front of the manor. Andy ducks. Kit growls at Rodriguez. Inside the manor.] Prue: Alright, let's go over the plan again. Phoebe: Yeah, let's, because I wanna know why I'm the one answering the door. Prue: 'Cause you're the one who knows martial arts, alright, that way if Rodriguez shows up and tries something right off the bat, you can knock him down. Piper: And then I can come in from the living room and freeze him. Prue: And then I can come down the stairs and send him flying. Phoebe: I still feel like cannon fodder. (The doorbell rings.) Prue: What time is it? Piper: Just before six. (He rings the doorbell a couple more times.) That's a little too anxious, that's not a good sign. Phoebe: Which means if he doesn't want to kill Prue, he wants to date her. (Prue and Piper stare at here.) Prue: Come on, let's get this day over with. Phoebe: Okay. (She walks towards the door.) Alright already. (She opens it.) Rodriguez: Inspector Rodriguez. I'm here to see Prue Halliwell. Phoebe: Yeah, no kidding. Prue! Piper! Company! (Rodriguez's eyes glow red and his power throw's Phoebe against the wall and she rolls down the stairs. Piper enters the room.) Piper: Phoebe! (Lightning stuff comes out of Rodriguez's hand towards Piper but she freezes it just in time.) Prue: (Running down the stairs.) Phoebe! (Prue uses her power and the lightening stuff hits Rodriguez adn he explodes and vanishes.) Piper: Oh my God. Prue: Oh, God. Piper: Prue, is she okay? Prue: She's dead. Piper: What? Phoebe. Phoebe! [Scene: Rodriguez's place. Tempus is there holding an hour glass. He pours the sand out into a saucepan. You see out the window that it goes from night to day in seconds. Rodriguez appears.] Tempus: Hurts to die, doesn't it? Especially at the hands of a witch. Rodriguez: What happened? Where am I? Tempus: Exactly where you were when you first met me. Time has been reset, or other I have reset time. Rodriguez: But they killed me. Tempus: That was Wednesday night. This is Wednesday morning all over again. This is why I have been sent to you, to keep resetting time until you learn from your failures. Only you will carry with you the memory of what has happened before. And each time you fail, you will learn more until ultimately you will kill all of them. [Scene: A paper boy rides along the road, a car honks and he waves. He throws the paper on the Halliwell's lawn. Inside the manor.] Weather Girl: (on TV) Good morning, San Francisco. Well, it looks like it's going to be a beautiful Wednesday. Phoebe: (on the phone) Piper, what are you doing at Quake? It's 8:00 in ... the morning. (Prue enters the kitchen.) Prue: Morning. Phoebe: Morning. Wait a minute. (Kit knocks over the pepper and meows.) Whoa. I am freaking out. (Into the phone) Okay. I'll be there in an hour (She hangs up.) Prue: Be where in an hour? (Phoebe pauses a little.) Phoebe: Okay. Pinch me. Prue: What? Phoebe: No. I mean it. Pinch me. I want to make sure I'm awake because if I am, I am having one killer déjà vu. Prue: So it's just a déjà vu. Everybody gets them. Phoebe: Not like this they don't. Look Prue ... something weird is going on here. (Prue sees the front page) Prue: I don't believe this. Phoebe: No. I'm...trust me. This has happened before. Everything. Prue: I'm talking about the paper. Did you see the front page? Phoebe: See. Like that. Right there. You said that before. I know it. (Car crashes.) And that has happened before too. Prue: Where did you park my car last night? Phoebe: In the driveway and I told you that already the last time you asked me. (Prue leaves. Phoebe sighs. Then whispers the next line.) I think I'm having an aneurysm. [Cut to Prue looking out the window in the living room.] Prue: Mrs. Henderson's car. Just a little fender bender, no big deal. Phoebe: Prue, I am not nuts. Okay, maybe just a little but that's irrelevant here. Prue: Phoebe, Andy's in trouble. Phoebe: What? (Prue shows her the paper.) Let me see that. (She takes the paper off Prue and has a premonition.) You know, that was the premonition which I had before. Prue: Of what? Phoebe: Of Andy, here, being killed by a demon. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Police station. Rodriguez barges in the room where Andy and Darryl are.] Rodriguez: What the hell are you doing here? Darryl: I'm backing my partner, you got a problem with that? Rodriguez: Get out now! Andy: It's okay, Darryl, I got it. (Darryl leaves.) Just for the record, I'm not saying anything without my lawyer present. Rodriguez: Forget your lawyer, Trudeau. I'm not screwing around this time. Andy: This time? What are you talking about? Rodriguez: Bottom line, I know my partner was killed by a supernatural being and I think Prue Halliwell can help me figure out who did it. Andy: Really? Well, I'll just get the commissioner to signal Batman and then I'll get right on it. Rodriguez: Do you think I'm joking? I know everything, Trudeau, everything including the fact that Prue Halliwell is a witch. Now you're gonna arrange a meeting with her tonight, you understand, or else I'm gonna bust you ass and expose hers. (He leaves the room and Darryl enters.) Darryl: What was that about? Andy: I'm not sure. [Scene: In the street outside a clock shop. Tempus is waiting there. Rodriguez walks up to him.] Tempus: Well ... Rodriguez: Trudeau is sent to meet. But what I need to know is how to avoid the pain of getting vanquished again. Tempus: It depends on whether you learned enough to vanquish them first. What do you remember? Rodriguez: Last time I killed the youngest one, Phoebe, without a fight. But then when I turned to kill Piper, I think she's the one who has the power to freeze. Tempus: Adjust, simply anticipate where she's coming from earlier before she has a chance to freeze you. Then kill Prue. [Scene: Quake.] Piper: Andy dies? Are you sure that's what you saw? Phoebe: Even worse, I know that I've had that premonition before. I mean, before I had it earlier today. Piper: You mean like yesterday? Phoebe: Yes ... I mean, no. It's not just the premonition that I've seen before, it's everything. And don't tell me that it's just deja vu because I know it's not. Piper: Alright, then what is it? (Joanne enters Quake.) Joanne: Piper? Piper Halliwell, I would recognize you anywhere. You have not changed one bit. You don't recognise me do you? Phoebe: It's Joanne. Joanne ... Hertz, right? I'm right aren't I? Joanne: I'm sorry, have we met? Phoebe: Yes ... sort of before. Uh, Baker High, class of '92. Although I wasn't in that class. Piper: Oh, sure, of course, Joanne. Phoebe, how did you ... Phoebe: (Whispering) That's what I've been trying to tell you. I think we're in some funky time loop here. Piper: (Whispering) Phoebe ... Phoebe: (Whispering) Freeze her. I'll show you. (Piper freezes Joanne.) Okay, Joanne here, is the food networks segment producer. She's about to brag how she's happily married to some rich guy, how she's following her dream, how she's had a really bad nose job. Okay, I added the last part, but this is all gonna make you feel like you're wasting your life away in comparison. Unfreeze her, go ahead, see for yourself. (She unfreezes Joanne.) Piper: Are you the segment producer? Joanne: Why, yes, I am. Piper: Following your dreams are you? Happily married? Stinkin' rich? Joanne: Well, I don't mean to brag, but ... (Piper freezes her again.) Piper: Alright Phoebe, spill it. Phoebe: Okay, the best I could figure is some demon has cast a spell, and I'm the only one who could sort of see it because my power let's me see things that have happened in different times. Do you have a better explanation? Piper: No. Alright, so if you're right, do you think this has something to do with Andy be killed? Phoebe: I don't know, but we're never gonna find who the demon is unless we get to ... Piper: Book of Shadows, I'm right behind you. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Park.] Andy: What if he is a demon and it turns out to be a trap? Prue: I'll have Piper and Phoebe there to back me up. The power of three. Andy: Plus one. Me. (Andy sees Prue thinking about something.) What is it? Prue: This seems a little familiar to me that's all, kinda like deja vu. Never mind. Um, Andy, you can't be at the meeting and Phoebe's premonition that's where you were when ... Just promise me that you'll stay away. Andy: Prue, I can't do that. Prue: I mean it. Don't make me use my magic on you. (They smile.) Andy, I don't want anything to happen to you. You know how much I still love you. Andy: No, I didn't. (They hug.) [Scene: Outside Halliwell manor. Andy's sitting in his car. Rodriguez arrives in front of the manor. Andy ducks. Kit growls at Rodriguez. Inside the manor. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are looking at the Book of Shadows.] Piper: Is there anything in there about time loops? Phoebe: There's a spell to accelerate time but that's about it. I'm telling you, this is all part of his evil plan. I just haven't had enough time to figure it out yet. (The doorbell rings.) Prue: What time is it? Piper: Just before six. Phoebe: I'll get it. (The doorbell rings a couple more times.) Alright already. (The door flies open and the lightening out of Rodriguez's hand hits Phoebe and she hits the wall.) Piper: Phoebe! (The lightning then hits Piper and she crashes through the glass door. He then tries to get Prue but her power makes the lightning fly back into him. He explodes and vanishes.) Prue: Oh my God, no. (She runs over to Piper.) Piper. (She's crying.) [Scene: Rodriguez's place. Tempus turns back time again. Rodriguez appears.] Rodriguez: Son of a bitch! Tempus: Failed again, I see. Rodriguez: Yeah, but I learned. This time I got two of 'em. Third time is the charm. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Wednesday morning. A paperboy rides along the road, a car honks and he waves. He throws the paper on the Halliwell's lawn. Inside the manor.] Weather Girl: (on TV) Good morning, San Francisco. Well, it looks like it's going to be a beautiful Wednesday in the Bay area. (Phoebe's on the phone. She turns off the TV.) Phoebe: Don't tell me. I already know. You spilt marinara sauce on your dress, right? Am I right? Think Piper, think. Doesn't all of this seem awfully familiar to you? Prue: (Entering the kitchen.) Morning. Phoebe: Freeze. No, not you, Piper. (Kit's on the bench.) Kit knocks over pepper. Meows. (Kit does so. Prue looks at Phoebe as if to say "how'd you know that?") Hold that thought. Okay, Piper, you need to get home as soon as you can, okay, we've got major demon hunting to do. Oh, and if you run into someone named Joanne from high school, just tell her to go stick it. I will explain later, just hurry. Prue: Okay, what's going on? Phoebe: Quick, follow me. (They go to the window.) 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Car honks ... (a car honks) skids ... (a car skids) crashes ... (a car crashes) Mrs. Henderson's car. A little fender bender. Good thing I parked your car in the driveway last night, huh? Prue: How did you know that? Phoebe: Because this has all happened once before, Prue, maybe even more than once. The day keeps repeating itself. I know it and every time it happens I think I figure it out just a little faster. It must be my power of premonition. Premonition ... I'm supposed to be having a premonition right about now. Prue: Supposed to? What do you mean? Phoebe: The paper. Look at the front page. (She does so.) Prue: Andy. Phoebe: Is in trouble. More than you know, Prue. If I touch that paper, I will have a premonition . The same one that I've had before. Where Andy gets killed here by a demon. You have got to believe me. Prue: No, I believe you. The question is what do we do about it? Phoebe: Well, you've got to go warn Andy. Keep him away from our house at all costs. Meanwhile, I've got to dig through the Book Of Shadows, find a way to vanquish this time demon before he can kill Andy. [Scene: In the street outside the clock shop. A cuckoo clock chimes and Rodriguez shoots it with his gun.] Tempus: You really shouldn't of done that. You shouldn't do anything differently if you want to succeed tonight. Rodriguez: I will succeed tonight, old man. There'll be no more time loops. This time I'll kill Prue first and then the other two and when they die, they're gonna feel every ounce of pain they've given me and then some. [Scene: Quake.] Piper: Uh, Joanne, I'm so sorry, but I can't do this segment right now. Um, something's happened, something bad, I have to go. Joanne: What? Run out of marinara sauce? Piper: Look, I know I don't have the flashy job or the flashy ring or the flashy designer suit but that doesn't make me less than you or anybody else. And just because I may not have realized my dreams yet like you think you have, doesn't mean I won't find a way to do exactly that. And when I do, you can be damn sure I'll be doing it with my own nose and not the one some discount doctor gave me. [Scene: Park.] Andy: A time loop? You mean demons can actually do that sort of thing? Prue: None that I've ever seen before but if it is a demon, it's the most powerful one we've ever come up against. Andy: He's going through all this just to kill me. No way, Prue. If he's as powerful as you say, then he's gotta be after you. Prue: Andy, please just let us handle this. Whatever you do you have to promise me that you'll stay away from the manor. Andy: I can't promise you that, Prue. If you're right and Rodriguez is the demon then it's a trap. Prue: Yeah, then I'll have Piper and Phoebe there to back me up, alright, the power of three. Andy: What if that's what he wants, all three of you together. What if that's the reason he set the time loop? Prue: We'll just have to take our chances. Andy: You could get killed, Prue. Prue: I mean it. This is not your fight. Don't make me use my magic on you. Andy, I would die if anything happened to you. I love you. Andy: I love you too, Prue. (They hug.) [Scene: Outside manor. Andy's in his car. Rodriguez walks past Kit and Kit growls. Rodriguez's eyes glow red and Kit runs away. Andy sees it and grabs his gun.] Andy: Oh my God, Prue. [Inside manor. Phoebe's reading the Book of Shadows.] Phoebe: The devil's sorcerer, Tempus. He can manipulate time anyway he chooses. Piper: Does it say how to vanquish him? Phoebe: Uh, take him out of the time that he's in. What ever that means. [Rodriguez kicks open the door and throws the lightning stuff at Prue, but Piper pushes her out of the way just in time and they fall to the floor. Andy runs in.] Andy: No! (He shoots at Rodriguez and Rodriguez throws lightning stuff at him.) Phoebe: Andy! (Andy flies through the air and hits a glass cabinet. Piper freezes Rodriguez.) Piper: Are you okay? Phoebe: Yeah, is Prue okay? Piper: Yeah, she's out cold. (They see Andy and run over to him. Piper feels his pulse.) Oh my God. He's dead. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. It's 6:15pm. Rodriguez is tied to a chair.] Phoebe: The only reason you're still alive is because I haven't worked out how to kill you yet. Rodriguez: Go ahead. Kill me witch. I don't care. Piper: Phoebe, what are you doing? Phoebe: I'm trying to save Andy. Piper: Andy, Andy's dead, you can't save him, Phoebe. Phoebe: No? We're in a time loop aren't we? All we have to do is start the day over and Andy lives. And I'm willing to bet that his death somehow triggers the time loop? Rodriguez: I'm impressed. I was told you wouldn't know that. Phoebe: Really? By who? Tempus? Yeah, we know about him too. And we also know you're not him otherwise you would of started the day by now. So, where do we find him? Rodriguez: In your nightmares. Kill me. I dare you. (Piper pulls Phoebe away.) Piper: Why is he so willing to let us kill him? Phoebe: Who cares. If he dies, Andy lives. End of story. Piper: What if that's exactly his plan? To reset the day and he can kill us all next. Rodriguez: It doesn't matter. The day's gonna reset itself anyway, there's not a damn thing to do about Piper: Shut up. Come on, we have to wake Prue. (They bend now next to Prue.) Phoebe: Prue. Prue. Come on, we need your help. Andy's voice: Prue. Prue. Come to me, Prue. (We enter Prue's dream. She and Andy are there. There's a seat swing surrounded by fog.) Prue: Andy? What's going on? Where are we? Andy: I'm not quite sure really. I hoped I'd end up here, but not so soon. One thing I do know is that I'm staying. You're not. Prue: I don't understand. Andy: I broke your promise, Prue. I came to your house tonight. Turns out Phoebe's premonition was one you couldn't stop after all. Weren't suppose to stop. Prue: Wait a minute, Andy, no. Andy: It's okay, Prue, really, trust me. This is my destiny. I know that now. Yours is to continue on. Everything happens for a reason, remember you taught me that. Prue: This isn't fair. Andy: You need to go back. You need to keep the time loop from being reset again or you and your sisters will be killed. And I will have died in vein. Prue: I'll kill Rodriguez for this. Andy: No you won't. You're not a murderer, Prue, you're a good person who does good things. Prue: I don't wanna lose you. Andy: Don't worry. You won't. (They kiss.) I'll always be there for you, Prue. (He disappears.) Phoebe's voice: Prue, come one, honey. Prue. Prue. [Back at the manor.] Piper: Prue, come on, wake up, sweetie. (She wakes up. They help her off the floor.) Phoebe: Easy, easy. Prue: Where is Andy? Phoebe: Prue, something terrible has happened. (She sees Andy lying on the floor with a blanket covering him.) Prue: Oh my God. Piper: It all happened so fast, Prue. He ran in the door when Rodriguez attacked. He was trying to save us. Prue: And he'll succeed. Where's the Book of Shadows? Phoebe: It's right here. Why? Prue: Where's the spell that you saw to accelerate time? Rodriguez: What are you doing? Phoebe: There. Rodriguez: What's going on? Piper: But we don't want to accelerate time, we want to reverse it. Prue: No we don't, trust me. The only chance that we have to get rid of Tempus is to do this by breaking the time loop, okay. Phoebe: But if we break the time loop we won't be able to save Andy. Prue: I know. Piper: Prue, are you sure? Prue: No I'm not. (She starts reading the spell.) "Winds of time gather 'round, Give me wings to speed my way ..." Rodriguez: Wait a minute ... Prue: "Rush me on my journey forward, let tomorrow be today." Rodriguez: What's happening? (The hands on the clock speed around the clock face. Tempus turns into fire and disappears.) Piper: Prue ... Prue: You know what, just untie him get him outta here. Phoebe: What? Piper: He'll kill us. Prue: No he won't. He doesn't have the power to kill us, otherwise he wouldn't of needed Tempus. Phoebe: I will not untie him, Prue. (Prue uses her power and the ropes untie.) Prue: Get outta here before I change my mind. Rodriguez: You stupid witch. (He walks towards the door but stops. He turns around, his eyes glow red, he throws lightning stuff and Prue uses her powers and the lightning goes back to him. He explodes and turns into dust.0 Prue: We may not be murderers but we're no angels either. (She walks over to Andy, kneels next to him and starts crying.) [Scene: Cemetery. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Morris are there. Prue lays a rose on top of Andy's coffin.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen.] Weather Girl: Good morning, San Francisco, well it looks like it's going to be a gorgeous Monday morning here in the Bay area. (Phoebe turns off the TV.) Phoebe: She really needs another shtick. That one's getting boring. Piper: Maybe she should hire Joanne Hertz, boost the ratings. Phoebe: Speaking of the she devil herself, did you ever call to reschedule your segment? Piper: No, I'm not going to. Phoebe: Why? Piper: I've decided to quit my job. Phoebe: What? Piper: And actually, I owe it all to Joanne. She made me realize that somehow I had forgotten what my dreams were, still are. I always wanted to be a chef and have my own restaurant not manage one. It's a good job and it pays okay but it's not my dream job. Phoebe: I think that's great. I really do. And don't worry, if you need any help trilling the classifieds I am an expert. (They walk outside where Prue is sitting on the steps.) Piper: Prue, are you alright? Prue: Actually I am. Andy's been exonerated, they are now looking for Rodriguez. Piper: Good luck. Phoebe: Hey, are you sure you're alright? Prue: Yeah. I was just thinking all that we've been through since we became witches. Rodriguez: Give you a headache? Prue: No actually, it gave me a good feeling. I mean, look, it's hassle and can sometimes screw up our personal lives. Piper: Amen to that. Prue: And we do good things together. Helps offset the bad things. Phoebe: I'm gonna really miss Andy. Piper: It's gonna be very sad without him. Prue: Something tells me that he'll always be with us. We better get ready for work. Piper: I'll tell her later. Prue: Tell me what? Piper: Nothing. It's not important. Phoebe: Nothing. Nothing. (They walk inside and Prue points at the door and it swings shut.)
doc_118	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Flashback Haley : Nathan don't! Nathan : I love you Haley : Nathan! Nathan! Nathan! Help me! Nathan : Haley! Haley! Haley! You okay? Oh, my God. Okay. Breathe, Haley. Just breathe. AT THE DOCTOR Haley : I was just trying to feel something. Like... alive, I guess. Doctor : And did that make you feel alive? Haley : No. But it made me want to. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : Julian, I thought we agreed we weren't gonna hang posters out here. Julian : I didn't hang a... AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Quinn : What are you up to? Clay : I love your back. You know where we should go? Julian's movie premiere. Maybe we could talk Nathan and Haley into going. Might be good for her to get away. And then we... could... Quinn : Ski. Clay : Girls that can spell are sexy. Then we could stay up all night and... Quinn : F... U... Are terrible. Clay : I'm just insanely in love with you. As promised. Voice over : I wish I could tell you there was a magic cure, Haley. But depression is a singular struggle. Some people just wake up one day and feel a little better than the day before. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Jamie : Hi, mama. How you feeling? Haley : Come here. What was that you were saying the other day about wanting to see snow? Jamie : Well, aunt Brooke says it's snowy in Utah, and that's where Julian's movie is playing. And everyone's going. Haley : Everyone, huh? Jamie : Yeah. Haley : Maybe you should try this on. Yeah, I don't... I don't want your ears to get cold in the snow. Jamie : You mean we can go? Oh! I got to tell dad. Haley : Jamie. Jamie : Yeah? Haley : I love you. Jamie : I love you, too. Dad, we're going to Utah! IN UTAH'S HOUSE Jamie : Do you think there's rooms for all of us? Skills : Oh, yeah. I think there's room. Jamie : There's trees in the house and moose antlers. Julian : There's 12 of us. Only six bedrooms and a couple of couches. Skills : Dibs. Brooke : You had them lock the master, right? Julian : Don't worry. We're good. Skills : Hey, uh, you need some help drinking that? Lauren told me what you said about us being boys and all. I know we never really talked about it, but... It meant a lot to me. Mouth : Thanks, but... I just want to get back to the way we used to be, you know? Skills : Yeah, I feel that. Anyway, this trip 'bout to be insane. Plus, I get to rock my new coat I just got in L.A. Check this out. Mouth : Dude. No. OUTSIDE IN THE UTAH SNOW Jamie : Hey, everyone! Dad! Come on! Doesn't anyone want to play? Ugh. I think I got some in my mouth. Nahtan : As long as it's not yellow, I think you'll be fine. Jamie : Hey, dad, can we build a snow fort? Chase : I can build you a snow fort, buddy. Jamie : Okay, cool. Wait... how do we know you, again? Chase : I'm Chase. The bartender at Tric? Jamie : Whatever. You're no Grubbs. Guys : Retreat! Retreat! Brooke : Oh, you guys are so dead! IN THE HOT TUB Brooke : Are you excited about tomorrow night? Julian : Yeah. My dad says three things have to happen at this festival. The audience has to love the movie, we have to sell it, and I have to decide what's next. Brooke : Well, not to sound naive, but maybe you should just enjoy it. Jamie : Yeah. I'd just enjoy it. It's a good life. IN FRONT OF THE NIGHTCLUB Alex : Alex Dupré.? Man : Right. Maybe two rehabs ago. Back of the line. Hey, hold up. I like that coat, man. Skills : Oh, that's what I'm talking about, baby. Okay... him, him, and the ladies, they with me. Thanks. Not him. Man : Back of the line. Let's go. Skills : Nah, I'm just kidding. He with us, too. Man : All right. Come on, man. Hurry up. Skills : People love the coat, baby! Oh. Dang. ON THE FLOOR Clay : Stop worrying about her. Quinn : What? Clay : You're worrying about Haley. All right, look... she's with Nate. She's fine. Besides, I got you a few things. White wine. Quinn : Thank you. Clay : And a kiss, because my baby looks amazing tonight. And, last but not least, a spare key to the house, because you lose things. Quinn : I do not lose things. Clay : Look, just put it outside somewhere. Quinn : You know what? I'm gonna keep my white wine. And you can have your kiss back. But I don't need the key, because I don't lose things. Skills : Who want to dance? Quinn : I do. Chase : Where's your, uh, "boyfriend" tonight? Alex : I'm looking at him. Chase : You're the devil, aren't you? Alex : Why? Chase : Because you know I just broke up with Mia. Alex : So? Chase : So I'm taking off, devil Dupré. And I'm locking my door. Skills : She was sexy until she started dancing. Quinn : Lose the beat? AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Mia : How you doing? Grubbs : I gave this flower to Miranda. It's just another thing she left behind. Mia : Doesn't mean she doesn't miss you. Grubbs : There's just so much that I wish I would have said the last time I saw her. Mia : What did you say? Grubbs : Nothing. Mia : Then say it in here. You know, write one more great song. Let's finish this record. Grubbs : Then what? Mia : Well... if I was you... I'd start my tour in London. And I'd water that orchid. Grubbs. I know it feels bad now... but it's gonna get better. One more song. IN CLAY & QUINN'S ROOM Clay : It was a good night tonight. Whoa And now it's a better night. Quinn : I think you were right about me losing stuff. I seem to have, uh, lost my clothes. Clay : Where you going? Quinn : Now I've lost my way to the bed. Guess I'll just have to sleep somewhere else. Clay : No. She's good. She's good. IN ALEX & JOSH'S ROOM Josh : I made a place for you on the floor. Alex : Right. Shut up and scoot over. Josh : I thought maybe you'd end up in Chase's room. Alex : I tried. He locked the door. Josh : I know. I tried, too. Alex : Do you ever think about coming out? Josh : My dad's a football coach, Alex. And my mom... my mom's a football coach's wife. She loves this version of me... the leading man. So... Alex : Well... For what it's worth, if I was a mom, I don't think there could be any words that would ever make me stop loving my child. Unless, of course, those words were "mom and dad, I secretly made a sx tape." Josh : It's amazing how much I hate you. IN NATHAN & HALEY'S ROOM Nathan : Jamie had a blast today. The guys built him a snow fort. I know that you came here just for him. I do. And I love you for that, Haley. Haley : Please don't think that I take that for granted. I'm so grateful for... who you've been through all of this. And how you've been. Nathan : There's no other way for me to be. You've saved me so many times. I worry that I've been selfish with you. That I've taken advantage of your strength and your selflessness... And that I've... I've broken you somehow. Haley : No, no. You haven't. You didn't. I just have a weight in my heart now that I didn't have before. It was lighter today, though. OUTSIDE Quinn : It's beautiful, isn't it? Haley : Yeah. It makes me think of mom. Quinn : She would have liked it. Haley : Yeah. Quinn : Well, you know mom believed in reincarnation, right? Haley : So I think we'll see her again. What do you think she'll be? Quinn : Different. I think she'll be an owl. A beautiful, majestic, sarcastic owl. Haley : I just wish she could be here again. IN THE SKILIFT Alex : I can't believe you actually locked your door last night. Chase : I can't believe you actually tried to get in. Alex : Would that be so bad? Chase : Says the girl who just wants someone normal and reliable. You said that at Tric. Alex : You were listening. Chase : Of course I was listening. I'm a bartender... manager. Alex : And almost pilot. I was listening, too. I'd crush out on you, and then you'd be gone. IN THE SNOW FORT Jamie : Hi, mama. Come on in. You like it? Haley : Oh, I do like it. This is great, buddy! Oh, my goodness. What do you like about it? Jamie : I like that it's quiet. It feels kind of safe in here. Haley : That's smart, kiddo. So, listen... I was thinking about going into town and buying a dress for tonight. What do you think? You want to, uh, get a suit for Julian's premiere? Jamie : Can I pick it out myself? Haley : Yes. Jamie : Okay. Haley : Okay. It's a really cool fort, Jame. Jamie : Yeah. IN UTAH HOUSE Quinn : Clay? "No cellphone coverage. Went to lunch at the diner on main. Come by, unless you've lost your appetite." Hot tub. Oh... beers... Key. AT THE RESTAURANT Clay : Why? Uh... What happened? Quinn : Key. Clay : She loses things. MAKING SHOPPING Jamie : Mama, I found my suit. Haley : Well, that is quite a suit of clothes. Jamie : I really like it. Can I get it? Haley : Yes. Absolutely. And you know what? Jamie : What? Haley : Your grandma would have loved you in this suit. Just no bullfighting, okay? Jamie : No problem. Bullfighting is caca del toro. Haley : Okay. Jamie : Hey, mama. You're pretty when you smile. I missed it. Haley : Thanks buddy. IN THE HOUSE ROOM Brooke : Are you ready? Julian : My whole life, my hair's been out to get me, like it resents my forehead for taking up too much room. Brooke : Stop. You look nice. Julian : Maybe I should wear a hat. Like a beret. Or a fez. Brooke : Hey. The movie is great. And you are great. And you look so handsome that we need to get out of this bedroom, or you're gonna miss your premiere. Julian : What would I do without you, Brooke Davis? Brooke : Well, for starters, you'd wear a fez. Not okay. Come on. Your dad and your destiny are waiting. AT THE PREMIERE Paul : Thank you. Welcome. Uh, when my son Julian called me and asked me if I wanted to make a movie with him, I thought it might be a nice chance to reconnect. But that was that was wishful thinking on my part, because I was gone so often while he was, uh, growing up that we never really connected in the first place. And that's a shame. Whenever I finish a movie, I... I have this expression... "Let's kick it out of the nest... and see if it flies." Well, son, we kicked you out of the nest. And it has been a pleasure watching you soar. I hope you all agree. Julian : I'll see you in a bit. OUTSIDE Alex : Julian. It's starting. Julian : Yeah, I know. I think I'm just gonna wait till it's over. Alex : Those were some nice things your father said about you. Julian : Yeah. Alex : You sure you don't want to come back inside? Julian : Yeah, but you should go watch it with an audience. I want you to see how good you are as an actor and a writer. Alex : I was in good hands. And everything's gonna be okay. You know why? Because it already is. Nathan: Opened with a sx scene. Nice work, Polanski. Good luck explaining that one to the kid. Jamie : You're not watching it either, huh? Julian : Nope. Jamie : Were you grossed out, too? Come on. We should go get a drink. AT THE BAR Jamie : I don't get it. You made a movie with no animation, no stunts, no cars that transform into stuff, no aliens, and no rabbits. Julian : Yes, I did. Jamie : What the heck else is there? Julian : Romance? Jamie : I don't think anyone wants to see that. Julian : Yeah. I'm not sure anyone wants to buy it, either. Jamie : Here. It helped my mom. It's good luck. You're gonna need it. Julian : What do you know? You're 6, and you're drinking at a bar. Jamie : 7. Julian : Nice. Nice work, el borracho. AT THE PREMIERE Alex : I'll tell you something I am sure of. We're all afraid. Some of us find ways to hide that fear, and some of us don't. But we've all got "it," you know? And it's always there. Josh : And what's your "it," Elise? What are you afraid of? Alex : I'm not afraid of anything. I have you. Josh : You were good in that scene. I'm tired of being afraid. OUTSIDE Jamie : It's still packed in there, so at least nobody left. That's good, right? Julian : What's happening on-screen? Jamie : Hold on. I'll check. They're kissing. They've been doing a lot of that. Seriously, you could have used a robot or something. I think it's almost over. Julian : It is. Right about... Now. Jamie : They're clapping! They liked it! Come on! IN THE LIVING Paul : Good news. The screening went great, and we have buyers interested. The best of the bunch are on their way down. I got you a beer. Now, look... no matter what their initial offer is, I think we can get them up to $4 million. Julian : That sounds great. Paul : Just let me do the talking, all right? Julian : I won't say a word. Man : $2.5 million. Julian : Deal! Paul : 3. And a haircut for the kid. Man : Deal. Woman : Josh, this movie firmly establishes you as a leading man. You and Alex have amazing chemistry. Is it because you're together in real life? Josh : Well... actually, there's something everyone should know. We're not together. The thing is... I... I'm just excited about how many hot single women are gonna love this movie. OUTSIDE IN UTAH Guys : Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Nathan : Nice! IN THE SNOW FORT Brooke : Is this the V.I.P. snow fort? Haley : You don't have to check on me. I'm fine. Brooke : I'm not. I needed fresh ice... For my cocktail. OUTSIDE IN UTAH Guys : Jump, jump, jump. Skills : What's up? Damn, it's cold. Anybody seen my coat? Jamie : Bear! Do you think it's hibernating? Skills : Nah. I think it's just passed out. Okay, here's what you're gonna do. Take this ski pole and jab it real hard. Jamie : I don't want to hurt it. Skills : It's too dumb to get hurt. Trust me. Go ahead. Mouth : Ow! Son of a... Jamie : It talks! Aw, man. IN THE HOTEL ROOM Alex : You leaving? Josh : Yeah. Thought I'd fly to Denver. Alex : What's in Denver? Josh : My parents. We need to talk. Alex : I think that's a really good idea. Josh : I hope so. Josh : Anyway... I'll see you, Dupré? Alex : It's "Whitehead." Alice Whitehead. Josh : Alice Whitehead? That's a horrible name. Alex : Shut up. Anyway, I guess we all have our secrets. Believe it or not, I'm really gonna miss you. Josh : I'm gonna miss you, too... Alice. OUTSIDE IN UTAH Julian : It's pretty magical, isn't it? Brooke : It's so beautiful. This whole trip has been perfect. Julian : Well, I have to admit, I had a little help. Last night at the bar, Jamie gave me a gold star for luck. You want to see it? Brooke : Yeah. Julian : Oh, wait... that's not it. That's the engagement ring I got for you. Where did I put that thing? Everyone says that the next thing I do, the next choice I make is going to define me... my career... my life. Well... The next thing I want to do is ask you to be my wife and tell you how much I love you and how nothing else matters. When I look into your eyes, Brooke, I see the rest of my life. And I see it with you. Marry me, Brooke Davis. Brooke : Yes. Okay. I want to so much. Julian : I was hoping you were gonna say that. ON THE SNOW FORT Haley : Come here. Jamie : Oh, mom, you're squishing me. Haley : Oh, I'm sorry for squishing you. Let's go sledding. Do you want to? Jamie : Totally. I'll go tell everyone. Haley : Okay. Jamie : Dad, we're going sledding! Nathan : All right. You okay? Haley : No. But... I will be. IN THE HILL Nathan : What do you think, Calvin? It's a long way down. Jamie : Piece of cake, Hobbes. Let's do this. Jamie : It sure is a long way up, mama. Haley : No, it's just a hill. Come on. We'll climb it together. AT THE HOTEL ROOM Chase : You know, I don't think you're actually supposed to replace stuff in your hotel room. Alex : Oh, whatever. I'll be out of here soon, anyway. Think I might get a place of my own... maybe stick around a while. Chase : Sounds kind of normal and stable. Alex : There. Perfect. Well... almost. Say you'll go out with me, and then it will be. Chase : Okay. Yes. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : You know what I like best about the movie? Julian : What's that? Brooke : You get the sense that they're all gonna live happily ever after. Julian : They are. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : You okay? Haley : These aren't sad tears. They're happy tears. Nathan : All right, well, how about from now on, we do smiles for happy instead? What is it? Haley : I'm pregnant. I think it's gonna be a girl. Nathan : Oh, my... Haley : Nice work, daddy. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Clay : You're falling asleep. Why don't you go to bed? Quinn : I like it here. Clay : Yeah, I like it here, too. But you sleep like a rock, and you're too long to carry. Quinn : You're mean. You say I'm too long, and you say I lose things. Clay : But I also love you. And the truth is that without you, I'd be the one who's lost. Quinn : Nice save. I love you. Clay : I love you, too.
doc_119	[OPENING CREDITS] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy walks her bike through the village towards the church.] Spring, 1920 [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON CHURCH - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary and Matthew stand next to each other at the altar in plain clothes. Mary has a white train sticking out under her coat.] Matthew Crawley: Is there any news of Sybil? Lady Mary: She's still not coming. She insists they can't afford it. [Matthew raises his eyebrows with an understanding frown and nods.] Archbishop: Mr Travis, can we move forward? Reverend Travis: If I could just ask you to come down the aisle again. [Matthew and Mary nod pleasantly to Rev. Travis and smile at each other as they turn toward the door.] Reverend Travis: Can we get the troops organized? Robert, Earl of Grantham: That means me. [Robert rises from the pew.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: It seems rather hard on poor old Travis when he's doing all the work but the archbishop gets the glory. Mary: Papa was the one who wanted a prince of the church. I'd have settled for Travis. Robert: Mm. Mary: Is there really no way we can get Sybil over? It seems ridiculous. Robert: On the contrary, it's a relief. Branson is still an object of fascination for the county. We'll ask him here when we can prepare the servants and manage it gently. [Robert and Mary walk to the back of the church.] Isobel Crawley: He's making a problem where none exists. No one could care less were Branson at the wedding or not. Matthew: You must think country life more exciting than it is if you imagine people don't care when an earl's daughter runs off with the chauffeur. Isobel: Well, the fact remains she has run off with the chauffeur and they'll have to get used to it. [The archbishop calls down the aisle.] Archbishop: Mr Travis, are we ready? Reverend Travis: Er, any moment, Your Grace, any moment. [Travis walks back up the aisle.] Reverend Travis: Can we, please? [Mary and Robert stand ready and take each other's arm before starting down the aisle.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy rides toward the house on her bicycle.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The servants sit down to eat.] Mr Carson: That treacle tart just hit the spot, thank you, Mrs Patmore. Mrs Patmore: So, Mrs Hughes and Anna are getting the place ready to let? Mr Carson: That is the plan. [Mrs Patmore nods and leaves with a tray.] Thomas Barrow: I'm surprised Anna held onto that house. I thought they confiscated the profits of murder. Mr Carson: Mr Bates had the wisdom to transfer it to her before the trial. Thomas: I don't think I'd have allowed it, Mr Carson. Mr Carson: Then we must all be grateful you were not the presiding judge. Thomas: I still think it's funny given that he's a convicted murderer. Mr Carson: May I remind you, Mr Barrow, that in this house Mr Bates is a wronged man seeking justice. If you have any problems with that definition, I suggest you eat in the yard. [Carson leaves. O'Brien gives Thomas a unpleasant look as he smirks at her.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE DOWER HOUSE - DAY] Isobel: I suppose you agree with Robert. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Then, not for the first time, you suppose wrongly. The family must never be a topic of conversation. Cora: I'm afraid Sybil's already made the Crawleys a permanent topic. Violet: All the more reason. If we can show the county he can behave normally, they will soon lose interest in him. And I shall make sure he behaves normally, because I shall hold his hand on the radiator until he does. [Cora smiles at the half-serious remark.] Isobel: Well, I don't know this young man aside from "Good morning" and "Good night," but he strikes me as a very interesting addition to the family. Violet: Oh, here we go. [Violet shakes her head.] Isobel: And why should he be "normal," as you call it? I say he should come here and fight his corner. [Violet looks sharply to Cora for sympathy, but Cora keeps a neutral expression.] Isobel: I like a man of strong beliefs. I think I'll send them the money. Cora: Please don't. Robert's expressly forbidden it. He'd be furious. [Violet looks between her two guests with a surprised expression.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FRONT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert speaks on the telephone dressed in his tails.] Robert: But it can't be as bad as... [Robert listens.] Robert: Look, I'll come and see you. Tomorrow. No, I insist. Right, goodbye. [Robert hangs up the phone just as Mary enters dressed for dinner.] Mary: Papa? What's the matter? Robert (unconvincingly): Nothing's the matter. What should be the matter? [Robert exits and Mary watches him leave, wondering what's bothering him.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna and Mrs Hughes enter and Carson and the other servants who were sitting at the table stand.] Mr Carson: How was London? Anna Bates: We got it all done. But I couldn't have managed without my helper. Mrs Patmore: Have you eaten? Mrs Hughes: We had a bite on the train. Mrs Patmore: Oh, sit down anyway, have a cup o' tea. [The other servants sit down and Daisy and a maid leave.] Mrs Hughes: I'll start on the final lists for the wedding tomorrow morning. [Thomas holds Mrs Hughes chair for her and then sits down, too.] Mr Carson: I've got the last of the wine deliveries coming on Tuesday. Mrs Hughes: How will you manage without a footman? Mr Carson: I agree, but I haven't time to find one now. Miss Sarah O-Brien: I've had a letter from my sister asking after a job for her son, and-- Mr Carson: Miss O'Brien, we are about to host a society wedding. I have no time for training young hobbledehoys. [A bell rings.] Mr Carson: Her Ladyship is ringing. [O'Brien pauses for a moment, then gets up to see to her duties. Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson share a look.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [O'Brien fixes Cora's hair as Cora sits in a dressing gown.] Cora: Well, I don't see why not. I'll ask His Lordship when-- [The door opens and Robert enters in his dressing gown.] Cora: There you are. So, I'll ask you now. Robert: Ask me what? Cora: Carson's in need of a footman and O'Brien has a candidate. O'Brien: Alfred. Alfred Nugent, milord. He's a good worker. Cora: I think it sounds perfect. [Robert stares into space.] Cora: Robert? [Robert snaps out of his reverie.] Robert: Whatever you say. [Cora and O'Brien smile at each other.] Robert: My dear, I have to go up to London tomorrow. I'll be catching the early train. Cora: That's very sudden. Do you want me to open the house? Robert: No, I'll come straight back. Cora: What are you going for? Robert: It's nothing to bother you with. [Cora accepts his answer happily and Robert goes back into his thoughts.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT/INT. PRISON - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna pauses to brace herself outside of Bates's prison before entering.] Anna: It's all there, every entry. John Bates: Where did you find the book? Anna: Behind the bureau. We moved it out to clean and there it was. Vera must have dropped it or something. Bates: So, what do you want me to do? Anna: Make notes on all the names: close friend, relation, workmate, tradesman, and so on. Then I'll copy those and I'll send them with the book to Mr Murray. Bates: Haven't you anything better to do? Anna (smiles): I have not. Because I'd rather work to get you free then dine with the king at Buckingham Palace. So, what news have you got? Bates: And what news could I have in here? Oh, I've acquired a new cellmate. To be honest, I'm not sure about him. Anna: Well, just remember what my mother used to say: never make an enemy by accident. Now, do you think you can get the notes done before my next visit? Bates: I don't see what can come of it. Anna: Probably nothing. And my next idea will probably lead to nothing, and the next, and the next. But one day, something will occur to us and we'll follow it up, and the case against you will crumble. Bates: Do you never doubt? For just one minute? [Anna smiles softly.] Bates: I wouldn't blame you. Anna: No. I don't doubt that the sun will rise in the east either. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Carson inspects Alfred with furrowed eyebrows, frowning up at him.] Mr Carson: You're too tall to be a footman. No footman should be over six-foot-one. [Thomas, Mrs Hughes, Daisy, and O'Brien stare at the other end of the room.] O'Brien (proudly): That can't be, can it? Since he's already been taken on. Mr Carson: But what have you done? Alfred Nugent: I was a hotel waiter after I was discharged from the army. [?] got back. O'Brien: I think to get a job as a waiter shows real initiative. Mrs Hughes: I suppose he can speak for himself? O'Brien: Why? Is he on trial? This isn't an interview, is it? Not when he's already got the job. Mr Carson: No, it is not an interview, Miss O'Brien, but he is on trial, and if he cannot match our standards, he will be found guilty. Alfred: I mean to try, Mr Carson. Mr Carson: As long as you do. Right, go upstairs and get settled in. Your aunt will hopefully find you a livery that fits. [O'Brien nods and Alfred follows her out.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary and Matthew go on a walk together.] Mary: Just at the start, so we've a place to sleep after the honeymoon. You can't object to that. Matthew: No, it's nice of them. Though I doubt I'll get used to taking you to bed with your father watching. Mary: (chuckle) He's so relieved we're getting married, he wouldn't mind if you carried me up naked. Matthew: (chuckle) Careful, I might try it. [They chuckle.] Matthew: I don't want to move to London or anything. I'm not kicking against the traces. Mary: Just testing their strength. Matthew: I want us to get to know each other..to learn about who we both are without everybody being there. Mary: Well, it's quite a big house. Matthew: It's a lovely house. It's your home, and I want it to be my home, too. Just not quite yet. [Mary looks at him and then nods.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TRAIN STATION - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert exits the station and walks up to a cab. A paper boy is selling papers that read "Bolshevik Menace."] Paperboy: Paper! Russia [?]! Robert: Chancery Lane. Cab Driver: Yes, sir. [Robert gets in the cab and it takes off.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MR MURRAY'S OFFICE - DAY] Mr Murray: I have spoken to Frobisher and Currant and since I am a trustee, should the estate ever need one, we felt I ought to be the one to tell you. Robert: You make it sound very serious. Mr Murray: I am expressing myself badly if you think it is not serious. Robert: Why did we invest so much. Mr Murray: Lord Grantham, it was you who insisted we should. If you remember, we advised against it. Robert: But war would mean a huge expansion of railways everywhere. Every forecast was certain. Rail shares were bound to make a fortune. Mr Murray: Many did, but your principle holding, which was very large, indeed, was in the Canadian Grand Trunk line. [Robert stands up, getting upset.] Robert: It was the main railway in British North America, for god's sake! It wasn't just me. Everyone said we couldn't lose! We knew hard times were coming for estates like Downton, and this investment would make it safe for the rest of time. Mr Murray: Charles Hayes was the presiding genius, and since he died, the management has not...the fact is, the company is about to be declared bankrupt... [Robert leans forward on the chairback.] Mr Murray: And the line will be absorbed into the Canadian National Railway scheme. [Robert leans harder into the chairback as the news sinks in.] Robert: Are you really telling me that all the money is gone? Mr Murray: I'm afraid so. Robert: The lion's share of Cora's fortune. [Murray responds only with a look and Robert turns away to process the blow as Murray observes him.] Robert: I won't give in, Murray. I've sacrificed too much to Downton to give in now. I refuse to be the failure, the earl who dropped the torch and let the flame go out. Mr Murray: I...hate to state the obvious, but if there's not enough money to run it, Downton must go. Unless you break it up and sell it off piecemeal. Robert: I couldn't do that. I have a duty beyond saving my own skin. The estate must be a major employer and support the house, or there's no point to it. To any of it. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Workers drape strings of white flags across the street and houses.] Worker: Morning. [A worker tips his hat to a woman passing by. A car drives down the street, passing the post office.] Sir Anthony Strallan: Lady Edith! [The car slows to a stop and Edith approaches with a smile.] Edith: Hello! Strallan: Hello! Edith: What are you doing here? Strallan: I'm meeting a train, but I'm too early. Edith: Oh. [Edith opens the car door and steps in. Strallan is surprised.] Strallan: Oh, I mustn't hold you up. Edith: Oh, I'm not doing anything. Strallan: Oh. Edith: I thought I'd get away from wedding panic. [They chuckle.] Strallan: Don't you like weddings. Edith: Oh, don't be silly. Of course I do. Only, I've talked of clothes and flowers, and food and guests until I'm blue in the face. [They chuckle.] Strallan: Yes, weddings can be reminders of one's loneliness, can't they? Sorry, I don't know why I said that. So, how's it going? Is your grandmother coming over from New York for it? Edith: She is. [Chuckle.] Strallan: And Sybil, is she here yet? Edith: As a matter of fact, she wasn't coming, but I think she is now. Mary had a letter this morning. Papa doesn't know yet. Strallan: He will be pleased. Edith: I do hope so. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE, MATTHEW'S DRESSING ROOM - EVENING] Mr Molesley: So, you'll live at the big house when you're back from honeymoon? Matthew: Not live. Stay. We'll stay there until we decide where to go. It'll be on the estate, I should think, or in the village. Mr Molesley: Not here? Matthew: No. I shall expect you and Mrs Bird to look after Mrs Crawley. [Molesley looks up in surprise.] Mr Molesley: Y--you'll not be taking me with you, sir? Only, I thought you'd be needing...a proper valet once you're married. Matthew: I've always thought of you as more of a butler who helps out as a valet and not the other way around. Mr Molesley: Oh, I'd be happy to be a valet, sir, especially in the big house. Matthew: We won't be in the big house for long. To be honest, Molesley, I want to live more simply after the wedding. [Molesley is clearly disappointed.] Matthew: And besides, Mother absolutely relies on you. Mr Molesley: Well, that's very nice to hear, sir. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas helps Robert dress for dinner.] Thomas: You must be exhausted, milord. You can't have spent more than two hours in London. Robert: It was sufficient. Thomas: The new footman arrived while you were gone. [Robert starts.] Robert: What? Thomas: Yes. He got the cable this morning and came straight over. Very eager. And very tall. Robert: But when did--? Never mind. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert catches up to Cora on the staircase.] Robert: Did you know about the new footman? Cora: Of course. He's already here. Robert: Why did no one tell me? Cora: What do you mean? We talked about it last night...in my room. Robert: Well, nobody else must be taken on. Absolutely no one...until things are settled. Cora: What things? [Robert hesitates.] Robert: How's the wedding going? I suppose it's costing the earth. Cora: Mary was never gonna marry on the cheap. Robert: Oh, no. Nothing must be done on the cheap. [Cora stares after Robert as he leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [O'Brien checks her nephew's livery.] Alfred: I feel quite nervous. O'Brien: Don't be. You've got the skill, and you've got the willingness. [Thomas passes by.] Thomas: But he hasn't got the experience. Alfred: He's right. O'Brien: Pay no attention. (towards Thomas) You've a nice manner, Alfred. You're not vain like Thomas. (to Alfred) They'll like that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHEN - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy works with rough, angry motions.] Thomas: What's the matter with you? Daisy: I'm fed up. They promised me promotion. She said they'd get a new kitchen maid and I'd be Mrs Patmore's assistant. Thomas: Well, if they really promised, you should withdraw your services. Daisy: What do you mean? Like go on strike? Thomas: But don't say I put you up to it. [Daisy considers his suggestion hesitantly.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Violet: But what was in the letter? Mary: Just that Sybil's coming after all. She'll be here on Wednesday in time for dinner. [Matthew smiles.] Isobel: Will she be coming alone? Matthew: Don't make trouble, Mother. [Isobel gives Matthew a wide-eyed look. Alfred begins serving Violet's dinner himself.] Violet: Can I do it? Alfred: If you wish, my lady, of course. [Alfred puts the serving utensils in the dish so Violet can serve herself.] Violet: Are--Are you really that tall? Alfred: Yes, my lady. Violet: I thought you might have been walking on stilts. [Edith chuckles.] Mary: When does Grandmamma arrive? Cora: She gets into Liverpool on the fifteenth, so she'll be here the day before the wedding. Violet: I'm so looking forward to seeing your mother again. When I'm with her, I'm reminded of the virtues of the English. Matthew: Isn't she American? Violet: Exactly. [Matthew gives a sidelong look at Violet's insult.] Robert: Can I...help myself? [Alfred stops trying to dish out Robert's dinner.] Alfred: Oh, you want to as well, my lord? [Alfred puts down the serving utensils.] Robert: To be honest, I think you'll find that we all want to do it as well. Mr Carson (harsh whisper): What do you think you're doing? You're not in a hotel now. Isobel: Did you train in a hotel? Alfred: I did, ma'am. [Alfred is about to pick up the utensils, then leaves them and lets Isobel serve herself. Carson glares at Alfred.] Isobel: That will be useful, won't it, Carson? [Carson avoids her look.] Isobel: Are you all set for the wedding? [Carson gives a smile.] Mary: Of course he is. Carson's motto is "Be prepared." Violet: I'm afraid Baden-Powell has stolen it. Cora: But you have all the help you need? Mr Carson: Well, I wouldn't fight the idea of a second footman, my lady. Matthew: I don't know about the rest of you, but I sometimes think it's time we lived in a simpler way. Isobel: I agree. Much cattle, much care. Robert: Always supposing we have the choice. Violet: Oh, don't say that. It's our job to provide employment. An aristocrat with no servants is as much use to the county as a glass hammer. [Violet and Edith chuckle.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna and O'Brien are already seated when Thomas and Molesley enter.] Thomas: I knew this would happen. Typical. O'Brien: What's typical? Thomas: That I'd wind up looking after Mr Matthews. That's all I need. Mr Molesley: He hasn't thought it through. I'm sorry to say, but he hasn't. Anna: Are you worried for your job, Mr Molesley? Mr Molesley: Me? Oh, heavens, no. No, no, no, I'm essential to Mrs Crawley. She relies on me. That's what he said. "Essential." [The servants are irked by his pompous attitude.] O'Brien: Oh, yes. We're all essential. Until we get sacked. [Carson enters and the servants stand.] O'Brien: How was it? Mr Carson: Alfred was confused. He thought he'd been transported to the Hotel Metropole. Anna: Cheer up. You'll get the hang of it. Alfred: Will I? [The servants sit. Mrs Hughes enters and gives Molesley a friendly greeting.] Mrs Hughes: Oh, you're still here Mr Molesley. Mr Molesley: I know. I only walked over for a cup of tea and a chat. But I've outstayed my welcome. Mrs Hughes: Nonsense. Why not have a bite with us? They won't be leaving for a half hour or more. Mr Molesley: No, I better get back. I wouldn't want them to get home and me not be there to let them in. [O'Brien makes fun of him.] O'Brien: No, you wouldn't. Not when you're essential. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The family withdraws for the evening.] Mary: Then why is he coming all the way here? Why not say it on the telephone? Matthew: I have no idea. Mary: If Mr Swire's lawyer wants to see you and it's urgent, it means he's left you something. Matthew: I doubt it. I would have heard long before this. Anyway, I hope not. Mary: Why? [Matthew gives Mary a look.] Isobel: Matthew! Do come on! [Isobel wraps herself tightly in her coat.] Isobel: The chauffeur's freezing to death and so am I. [Matthew looks back to Mary.] Matthew: Are you looking forward to the wedding? [Mary smiles.] Mary: What do you think? [Matthew smirks.] Matthew: I'm looking forward to all sorts of things. [Mary smirks back as Matthew leans in.] Mary: Don't make me blush. Isobel: Matthew! [Matthew looks back at Isobel, then kisses Mary on the cheek and leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A car drives through the village.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRONT DOOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The car approaches the house and the family and some servants wait to greet Branson and Sybil. Alfred opens the door for them and Branson hands Sybil down, his luggage in the other hand. Sybil steps out with a smile and goes straight to her father.] Sybil Branson: Dearest Papa. [Sybil kisses his cheek.] Sybil: Tell me, did you send the money? Please say yes. Robert (confused): What money? Cora: (smiles) Hello...Tom. [Welcome to Downton. Cora approaches Tom with a bright smile and a handshake.] Tom Branson: I hope I am welcome, Your Ladyship. Mary: Of course. [Tom gives a formal nod to Robert, who doesn't respond.] Mary: Alfred, would you take the luggage for Mr Branson. Edith: There's tea in the library. Tom: Thank you. [Tom hands his luggage to Alfred. Sybil and Cora greet each other warmly as they head into the house and Tom smiles after them. He stops when he sees Carson.] Tom: (nods) Hello, Mr Carson. [Carson gives Tom a formal nod and Tom walks into the house.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A business man walks out of Crawley House.] Isobel: Was that Mr Charkham I saw leaving? [Isobel closes the door.] Matthew: Yes, he said to make his apologies. He was late for his train. Isobel: What did he have to say for himself? Matthew: I don't know where to start. Basically, it seems that Reggie Swire did not wish to divide his fortune. So, when Lavinia died, he made a new will with a list of three possible heir, of which I was the third. Isobel: Why didn't the first name succeed? Matthew: He died before Reggie...in the same epidemic that killed Lavinia. But at first, they thought that the second heir, a Mr Clive Pulbrook would be easy to trace. Isobel: How much money are we talking about? Matthew: A lot. A huge amount. I had no idea. You could never have told it from Reggie's way of life. Isobel: Lucky Mr Pulbrook. Matthew: Well, this is it...Sometime before Reggie's death, Pulbrook travelled to the east, to India, to some tea plantations he owned there. Isobel: And? Matthew: He's never been heard of since. They've made inquiries. They've sent an agent out to visit his property. There's no sign of him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas looks through stiff collars at the table.] Thomas: I'm sorry, I won't. And that's flat. Mrs Hughes: Then you'll have to do it, Mr Carson. Mr Carson (indignant): I'm not dressing a chauffeur. Mrs Hughes: He is not a chauffeur now. Anyway, you don't have to dress him. Just see he's got everything he needs. Mr Carson: I'm not often as one with Mr Barrow, but...no. Mrs Hughes: Then Alfred must do it. Mr Carson: (scoffs) Alfred. He wouldn't' know what to do beyond collecting dirty shoes outside the door. [Thomas smirks.] Mrs Hughes: Well, he'll have to learn. [Mrs Hughes looks disapprovingly at Thomas and Carson before she leaves. Carson gives a surprised look to Thomas. Thomas shrugs his shoulders.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Violet: Is it an Irish tradition? Tom: What? Robert: She means not changing. [Tom looks down at his plain clothes.] Sybil (irked): Of course not, Granny. Violet: It might have been. You don't change on the first night of a voyage. [Mary isn't pleased by the conversation either.] Tom: No, my lady. I don't own a set of tails. Or a dinner jacket either. I wouldn't get any use out of them. Robert: Well, I hope you own a morning coat since you're here for a wedding. Tom: No, I'm afraid I don't. Sybil: We live a completely different kind of life, Papa. Robert: Obviously. [Carson holds the serving dish at Tom's eye level.] Tom: Could you lower it a bit, please, Mr Carson. [Carson obliges.] Mary: You should buy a Downton wardrobe and leave it here. Then you won't have to pack when you come. Edith: What a good idea. [Sybil smiles at their suggestion.] Tom: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can't turn into somebody else just to please you. Violet: More's the pity. Isobel: Oh, now why should you change to please us? Matthew: What is the general feeling in Ireland now? Tom: That we're in sight of throwing off the English yoke. Isobel: Do you approve of the new act? Tom: Would you approve if your country'd been divided by a foreign power? Isobel: Well, won't it bring home rule for Southern Ireland nearer? Tom: Home rule on English terms, presided over by an English king. Matthew: Is keeping the monarchy a problem? Tom: Would it be a problem for you to be ruled by the German Kaiser? [Carson snaps a glass stem in his shock. Robert turns to look.] Robert: Carson, are you all right? Mr Carson: I've been very clumsy, my lord. I do apologise. [Sybil closes her eyes in embarrassment. Cora attempts to redirect the conversation to safer topics.] Cora: Is it true that Irish gardens have more variety than ours. [The attempt was so obvious that Robert sighs.] Edith: Oh, yes. Don't you remember Lady Dufferin's ball at Clandeboye? The gardens there were heavenly. [No one's fooled by the topic change and the Bransons both look uncomfortable.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The servants sit down to dinner.] Alfred: I thought them very down on him. Thomas: That is because you know nothing. Mr Carson: And wasn't he down on them - insulting our country, insulting the king? I thought it was a miracle His Lordship held his temper. Mrs Hughes: But it must be hard, Mr Carson, to sit up there with people he used to drive around. Tom: It is hard, Mrs Hughes. [Tom stands in the doorway. Carson bolts up from his chair and the other servants follow suit.] Tom (hurriedly): Please, sit down. [Mrs Hughes debates, but Mr Carson remains resolutely standing and the other servants remain standing.] Mr Carson (stiffly): Is there something we can do, sir? Tom: I just wanted to come down to say hello. I wouldn't want you to think I got too big for my boots. Mrs Hughes: (smiles) That's nice. [Tom and Mrs Hughes's smiles are swallowed in Carson's presence.] Anna: I hope you and Lady Sybil are well. Tom: We are, thank you. And we've been following the story of Mr Bates. Mary keeps us informed. [Mrs Hughes and Anna smile, but Carson stiffens further at Tom's informality.] Tom: Still, I mustn't interrupt your dinner. [Tom begins to leave in the silence. Mrs Hughes offers an olive branch.] Mrs Hughes: Thank you for coming down. [Mrs Hughes and Tom share a friendly smile, and Carson exchanges disapproving looks as Tom leaves. The servants sit back down.] O'Brien: He's settled into his new life. Mr Carson: "Mary keeps us informed"? Mrs Hughes: Well, he knows her now. Mr Carson: What's that got to do with it? His Lordship would never call her Mary when talking to me. Never. If he wants to play their game, he better learn their rules. [Mrs Hughes shoots Carson another disapproving look.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Some of the ladies play cards while Robert and Mary get drinks.] Violet: Tomorrow, let's ask the servants to come up and dine with us. It'll make things easier. (chuckle) Mary: You must get him to stop calling Granny "milady." And Mama. Isobel: We need something that doesn't sound too stiff and grand. Robert: Lady Grantham, of course. And he can call me Lord Grantham. Sybil: That doesn't sound stiff or grand at all. [Mary catches Sybil's look.] Mary (softly): One step at a time. [Sybil smiles. Mary walks to Matthew who's on the sofa.] Mary: So, what did the lawyer want? I presume he turned up. Matthew: He did...and it's rather complicated. But you were right, it was about Reggie's will. Mary: So, he's left you something? Matthew: Never mind that now. Just sit down and tell me about the relations that are coming for the wedding. I want to unscramble them in my head. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHEN - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy is cleaning up the kitchen as Mrs Patmore takes off her apron.] Mrs Patmore: Go to bed when you're done. Daisy: I'll go to bed when I'm ready. [Mrs Patmore looks up.] Mrs Patmore: What's happened to you? Have you swapped places with your evil twin? Daisy: I'd like to know where the new kitchen maid is. That's what you promised. They've got a new footman, where's the kitchen maid? Mrs Patmore: I know and I'm sorry, but I spoke to Mr Carson tonight and they won't be taking anyone new on. Daisy: Except a footman. Mrs Patmore: I don't know how Mr Carson managed it, because His Lordship's put his foot down. But you're called my assistant now, and you've seven shillings extra every month. Daisy: You've still kept me here with a dishonest representation. Mrs Patmore: Oh, dear! Have you swallowed a dictionary? [Mrs Patmore walks out in a huff.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Sybil and Mary are the only ones left in the room.] Sybil: Somehow none of it seems to matter when we're in Dublin. Class and all that just seems to fade away. I'm Mrs Branson and we get on with our lives like millions of others. [Mary nods in understanding.] Sybil: But here, he feels so patronised, and he hates it. Mary: But you don't regret it? Sybil: No, never. [They both smile.] Sybil: He's a wonderful, wonderful man. [Mary gives Sybil an affectionate touch.] Sybil: I just wish you knew him. Mary: Darling, we will know him. We'll know him and value him. I promise. Sybil: (smiles) Anyway...I best go upstairs [They rise from the couch.] Sybil: Make sure he's not too suicidal. Goodnight. [They kiss goodnight.] Mary: Oh, by the way, I don't know if Mama's told you, but the whole Grey family's coming tomorrow night. [Mary's mouth twitches. Sybil exhales in amusement.] Sybil: Including Larry? [Mary nods with an amused smile.] Sybil: Crikey. [Sybil laughs.] Mary: You'd better warn Tom. [Sybil turns to go.] Mary: Oh, and Sybil, if I were you, I wouldn't tell Papa about being Mrs Branson. [They chuckle slightly and Sybil agrees with a shake of her head. She leaves and Mary takes a sip of tea.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT] Tom: But who are the Greys? And why does it matter that they're coming? [Sybil takes off her robe.] Sybil: The father, Lord Merton, is Mary's godfather, but Larry Grey used to be keen on me when we were young. Tom: Were you keen on him. Sybil: No, I don't think so. I can hardly remember, to be honest. [Sybil gets into bed and Tom puts his arm around her.] Tom: So, what are you saying? Sybil: Well, nothing, particularly. But we could run into Ripon and find some tails. We have the money. Tom: I won't spend more of that money. Sybil: All right. [Sybil takes Tom's hand and he looks at it.] Sybil: Please don't talk about Ireland all the time. [He looks at her.] Sybil: I just want to make things easier for you. Tom: For me or for you? Don't disappoint me, Sybil. Not now that we're here. [They regard each other for a moment, and then he leans down and they kiss. He kisses her forehead and they cuddle.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Matthew and Mary linger.] Mary: Shall I order the car? Matthew: I don't think I can refuse a lift with Mother and then make the poor man go out again. [Matthew sits down.] Matthew: I'll walk. Mary: It might rain. Matthew: Then I'll get wet. [Mary chuckles and they smile at one another from across the room. Matthew holds out his hand to her.] Matthew: Now come and kiss me. [Mary takes a couple of steps towards him, then stops and folds her hands in front of her.] Mary: So, if they can't find Mr...Pillbox... [Matthew drops his hand and closes his eyes with a smile and a turn of his head.] Mary: What will you do with the money? Matthew: Pulbrook, and...they will find him. [Mary nods.] Mary: But if they don't. Matthew: Then...I'll decide what to do. Or we will. [Mary nods. Matthew thinks about it.] Matthew: Because I can't keep it. Mary: No. Of course not. [Matthew takes a casual sip of his drink and Mary stands there, somewhat stiffly.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CORA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cora and Robert sit across from each other in their dressing gowns.] Cora: Why were you so heavily invested in one enterprise? Wasn't it foolish? Has some of my fortune been lost? Robert: Some...? [Robert shakes his head.] Robert: All. Or almost all. [Cora looks at Robert with pitying shock. Robert begins to cry. He leans forward on his hands and elbows.] Cora (whisper): Oh, my dear. [Cora watches him cry with pity and then crouches to her knees to comfort him.] Cora (whisper): How terrible for you. Robert: It's not so good for you. [Cora laughs.] Cora: Don't worry about me, I'm an American. I have gun, will travel. [Robert looks at her with encouragement.] Robert: Oh, thank God for you. [Robert kisses her hand.] Robert: Anyway. [He kisses her hand again, giving in to a few more tears before looking up.] Cora: You know what? [Cora looks up at him with a smile.] Cora: I'm glad we have a wedding to celebrate. Let's make sure it's a great day. If it's to be our last, let's make it a wonderful last. And enjoy our lovely home and the lovely people we spend our life among. [Cora and Robert embrace.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom walks toward the Grantham Arms and Matthew sees him in the street.] Matthew: A bit early for drowning your sorrows. Tom: I thought it might be better if I moved down to the pub. Matthew: You're not serious? Tom: I can't go through too many more dinners like last night. Matthew: You don't make it easy for them. You really think you can recruit Cousin Robert for Sinn Féin? [Tom chuckles with a shake of his head.] Tom: I don't know what gets into me. I can see them staring and I know they don't want me here. Matthew: Well, don't include me. Or Mary. Tom: She wasn't too keen on the idea of a chauffeur for a brother-in-law. Matthew: Forget that, she's a...pragmatist. [Matthew rolls his eyes.] TOM (nods) She could be a tough fighter, too. Matthew: Well, let's hope she's not tested. Now, forget this, and walk back. We're brothers-in-law with high-minded wives. We better stick together. [Tom grins as they walk off together.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A guard escorts Bates to his meeting with Anna.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates hands Anna a letter.] Bates: It's all there. Friends - though there weren't too many - tradesmen, acquaintances. But I can't see what you'll get out of them. Anna: I do not believe, when Vera decided to kill herself, she never mentioned it to another living soul. Bates: We know she left no note. I wish to God she had. But why are you sure it was suicide and not murder? Anna: Well, I know you didn't kill her. Then what's the alternative? A thief broke in, cooked an arsenic pie and forced her to eat it? It's not a very likely scenario. Bates: You can see why they convicted me. Anna: I'm going to write to everyone in the book, in case she said or, please God, wrote anything that could suggest a desire to die. Bates: But how long will it take? Anna: Why? Are you going somewhere? [Anna gives Bates a small, playful smile. He smiles back.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] Alfred: Should have gone into cooking. I used to watch them in the kitchens and I could pick it up in a [?]. Daisy: Why didn't you then? O'Brien: Oh, it's a hard ladder for a man. For every Escoffier monsieur [?], there's a thousand dogsbodies taking orders from a cross and red faced old woman. [Alfred chuckles. Mrs Patmore appears behind them.] Mrs Patmore: Er, who's this you're discussing? O'Brien: Hello, Mrs Patmore. I didn't see you standing there. Mrs Patmore: Obviously not. [Alfred smiles in amusement. Daisy and Mrs Patmore clear away the dishes from the table.] Alfred: Mum and Aunt Sarah thought I'd be better off as a butler? And so that's what I'm trying for. Daisy: I think you're right. I know I'd rather be giving the orders. [Daisy walks off with the tray.] Mrs Patmore: To a cross and red faced old woman. Yes, we know. [Mrs Patmore follows her out with another tray. Alfred pours O'Brien another cup of tea and she smiles at him.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY EDITH'S BEDROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna finishes Edith's hair.] Anna: There. Is that what you meant? Edith: Yes. Perfect. Slightly new, but not too different. We'll see if Sir Anthony notices. [Anna chuckles with a smile.] Edith: I know they all think he's too old for me, but he's not. Bates is older than you and you are as happy as lovebirds. Anna: Our situation is hardly ideal, but... Yes. We're very happy together. Edith: Which is all that matters. [Edith checks her appearance in the mirror.] Edith: As I keep telling them. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas walks past O'Brien .] Thomas: I've no time to talk. O'Brien: His Lordship's not come up yet. [Thomas stops and turns to face her.] Thomas: Well? What is it? O'Brien: I was hoping you could help young Alfred to find his way about. Thomas: As a footman, you mean? O'Brien: As a valet. [Thomas raises his eyebrows and turns away. O'Brien follows.] O'Brien: He's looking after Mr Branson now. Though, I daresay, a chauffeur can dress himself. [Thomas stops to listen.] O'Brien: But you could tell him what he needs to know, give him an advantage. Thomas: Why? What's the rush? O'Brien: You've heard Mr Matthew has turned down Mr Molesley. Thomas: Blimey, you don't want much, do you? Can you remember what I had to go through to be a valet? O'Brien: (chuckles) Of course, I watched it, didn't I? Thomas: But young Alfred is to make the great leap in one bound? Well, I'm sorry, Miss O'Brien, but I'm not convinced, if you'll excuse me. [O'Brien is unhappy with his response as he enters Robert's dressing room.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRONT DOOR - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The guests arrive in motor cars.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] Matthew: It's infuriating. There's nothing he can do. Mary: I don't agree. I think it's feeble. He should will himself not to be ill and then collapse the next day. [Matthew sighs and gives Mary an amused look at her unreasonableness. She smiles at her own humour.] Mary: Whom will you ask instead? Matthew: I'm not sure. [Larry Grey speaks with Tom Branson in another part of the room.] Larry Grey: I've known Sybil all my life. So you can imagine how curious I was when I found out you'd be here tonight. I never thought we'd meet in person. Tom: As opposed to what? In spirit? [Larry considers the comment, then straightens up pompously.] Larry Grey: Well, you see, to us, in marrying you, it seemed like Sybil had left Downton Abbey forever. If you...know what I mean. [Larry gives an arrogant chuckle.] Tom: I know exactly what you mean. [Larry nods.] Larry Grey: Did they lose your suitcase on the way over? How maddening for you. Tom: No, my suitcase arrived safely, thank you. [Tom puts down his drink.] Tom: Along with my manners. [Tom walks away angrily. Violet sees him as she and Isobel enter.] Violet: He's still dressed as the man from the prudential, I see. [Violet takes a deep breath.] Isobel: Yes, it's nice to have someone from the real world, isn't it? [Isobel walks off and Violet purses her lips. Robert walks over to her.] Robert: Hello, Mamma. Can I tempt you to one of these new cocktails? Violet: No, no, I don't think so. They look too exciting for so early in the evening, don't you think so, Carson? Mr Carson: Better avoided, my lady. Violet: I don't think so. [Violet waves away the tray of drinks. Edith joins Isobel and Sir Anthony in another part of the room.] Isobel: What a pleasure it is to see you out and about, Sir Anthony. Sir Anthony: I want to say, "Can I be of any help?" but you don't seem to need any. Edith: He doesn't need help at all, do you? He won't let me do anything. Sir Anthony: Mustn't be a nuisance, you know? Isobel: Are you coming to the wedding? [Sir Anthony opens his mouth to answer, but Edith answers immediately.] Edith: Of course. Sir Anthony: Well...if you really want me. Edith: I do. I really do. [Edith smiles at him and he smiles back.] Sir Anthony: You look very nice. Have you done something jolly with your hair? [Edith's mouth opens in pleased surprise. Sir Anthony sees something behind her.] Sir Anthony: I say, what the devil? Edith: What is it? [Edith and Isobel turn to see Larry turning away from a small table.] Mr Carson: Dinner is served, Your Ladyship. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Alfred enters shaking his head.] Daisy: How's it going? Alfred: Awkward. Mr Branson's well aware Lady Sybil doesn't like it much. [Alfred picks up the next dinner tray.] Alfred: I don't understand it. He's only had one cocktail. Daisy: Maybe he was drinking before he came down to calm his nerves. [Alfred sighs with a shake of his head and exits with the tray. Daisy and Mrs Patmore make significant looks.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Tom: No, I don't agree! And I don't care who knows it! [Sybil puts down her silverware, upset by Tom's behaviour.] Tom: Or that the Black and Tans are there to restore order, are they? Well, why don't they just murder the entire population, and then you wouldn't hear a squeak out of any of them!? [Mary is also tense from Tom's awkward shouting.] Violet: Is there any way to shut him up? Robert: If I knew how to control him, he wouldn't be here in the first place. Cora: Are you interested in Irish politics, Lord Merton? Lord Merton: Well, I was only just saying that I thought-- Tom: He's interested in Irish repression! Like all of you. [Larry smiles, trying to hold in his laughter.] Matthew: Look, old chap, of course this stuff matters a great deal to you. Tom: Yes, it does matter. This stuff. [Mary looks over and sees Larry holding in another smile.] Tom: It matters a very great deal. Mary: What's so funny? Larry Grey: Nothing, I'm just enjoying this vivid display of Irish character. [Sir Anthony looks at Larry sharply.] Sybil: Please, Tom, we don't need to wear everyone out. Tom: Why? What's the matter? Am I not being polite enough? [Tom tosses his napkin on the table.] Sir Anthony: Well, wait a minute. This was down to you, wasn't it? [Larry furrows his eyebrows in confusion.] Larry Grey: I don't know what you mean. Sir Anthony: Yes, you do. I saw you. You put something in his drink, didn't you? Just before we came in. [Everyone looks at Larry.] Sybil: That's not true, is it, Larry? Edith: What a beastly thing to do. Larry Grey: Oh, come on, Edith. That's not like you. You could always take a joke. [Edith stares in surprise.] Mary: A bully's defence. [Larry turns to Mary and his smile drops.] Mary: Listen everyone, Mr Grey has given my brother-in-law something to make him appear drunk. Violet: Could it be drink? Mary: No, not drink. Some horrible pill. Sybil, take him upstairs. Robert: Il ne manque ça. [Sybil and Isobel fuss over helping Tom.] Cora: Tom has been the victim of a cruel prank, which I know you will all be kind enough to forget. Violet: Forgive, perhaps. Forget, never. Lord Merton: Is this true, Larry? Larry Grey: I don't know why you're getting so hot under the collar. He's only a grubby little chauffeur chap-- [Lord Merton, Matthew, and Robert all bolt out of their chairs in indignation.] Lord Merton: Be silent this instant, sir! [Larry stares wide-eyed at his father. Lord Merton turns calmly to Tom, who's slightly hunched over on the serving table with Sybil's support.] Lord Merton: I apologize for my son, Mr Branson. Unreservedly. I only hope you'll recover before the wedding. [Tom nods.] Matthew: I hope so, too. [Matthew steps over to Tom.] Matthew: Since I want him to be my best man. [Matthew claps Tom on the shoulder. Robert looks at Matthew in surprise as he's about to sit down, and Carson and Isobel's jaws drop. Isobel shortly recovers.] Isobel: Bravo! Well said! [Tom stares at Matthew and Sybil smiles.] Sybil: Do you really mean it? [Tom stares at Matthew with bright hopefulness in his eyes.] Tom: Honestly? Matthew: I've told you before, if we're mad enough to take on the Crawley girls, we have to stick together. [Mary beams happily.] Mary: Oh! Thank you, Matthew. Thank you so much. [Matthew smiles and Tom pats him on the arm as he hunches toward the door.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRONT DOOR - EVENING] Edith: That was rather marvellous of you...to expose Larry Grey like that. You saved the day, really. Sir Anthony: Oh, I wouldn't say that. Matthew saved the day. Edith: No, it was you. [Sir Anthony smiles modestly.] Edith: I do hope we'll be seeing a bit more of you once the wedding's over. Sir Anthony: Well, er... Edith: Wouldn't you like that? Sir Anthony: Oh, I should like that very much. Much more than I probably ought to. [Edith smiles.] Robert: Edith, let Sir Anthony go. [Robert calls to her from the doorway as another pair of guests leave. Sir Anthony turns around to look at Robert. Edith takes the opportunity to lean in and kiss his cheek. He smiles a bit, then puts on his hat and watches at her as she returns to the house.] Edith: Goodnight, Papa. [Sir Anthony's car drives away and Robert enters the house.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT] Robert: Well, that's the last of them. Where are the others? Cora: They've gone to bed. Robert: So has Edith. And so should we. [Robert goes for a nightcap.] Robert: Golly. What a night for the county to feed off. Cora: But it was good of Matthew to show solidarity. Robert: I suppose so. We're going to need all the solidarity we can muster. [Robert takes a sip.] Cora: When will you tell the girls ? Robert: I think I should tell Mary now. Cora: No, not before the wedding, surely. Robert: I must. They're disagreeing about where they should live, so it'd be wrong for me to keep it from them. Then they can discuss it on the honeymoon and decide more sensibly. Do you think we should say something to your mother when she gets here? Cora: No. She'll go into state mourning and cast a pall over the whole proceedings. Robert: (chuckles) Thank God she missed tonight's drama or we'd never hear the end of it. Cora: Don't worry. She'll bring enough drama of her own. [Cora chuckles.] Robert: Mm. [Robert takes a drink.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON, BATES'S CELL - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates looks over the pages Anna gave him.] Craig: Won't work, you know? And if you don't admit your guilt, they won't let you go when the time comes. Bates: How can I admit what isn't true? Craig: Why do you have to be so pious? [Bates shifts his head, but doesn't respond.] Craig: You're a touchy fellow, aren't you? Bates: Don't push me, Craig. Craig: Is that a warning? Bates: Yes. Yes, it is. [Bates glares over his shoulder.] Bates: I'm warning you. [Craig stares at Bates and Bates turns back to his desk.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna and the Crawley sisters look over Mary's new outfit.] Edith: I'm not sure about the hat. Is it supposed to look crooked? Sybil: Don't listen to her. I love it. You're not to change a thing. Mary: Anna? Anna: I think you look lovely, milady. [Mary smiles. There's a knock at the door and the ladies turn around.] Sybil: Stop. Wait. Who is it? [The door stops opening.] Robert: Your longsuffering papa. Mary: I suppose he can come in. [Robert enters and Mary holds out her hands for his opinion.] Robert: What's this for? Mary: Going away. [Mary twists so he can see the back.] Mary: How does it look? Robert: Expensive. [Edith smiles.] Mary: Twice the national debt, I'm afraid. [Robert chuckles.] Mary: But I know you don't mind. [Mary cringes hopefully/apologetically.] Robert: Can I have one moment alone to give Mary my blessing? Sybil: That's lovely. Shoo, everyone. [The other girls leave and Mary takes off her hat, then turns back to her father.] Mary: Go on. Bless me. [Mary raises her eyes to the heavens playfully.] Robert: Of course. [Robert steps forward.] Robert: But there's something I feel I ought to tell you first. I wanted to wait until you got back, but I don't believe I can. Mary: That sounds rather ominous. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom crosses the street.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE, FRONT HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom enters and takes off his hat.] Tom: Hello, Mr Molesley. I got a message to call on Mrs Crawley. Mr Molesley: Very good, sir. [Molesley bows. Tom walks toward the living room, but Molesley speaks up.] Mr Molesley: If you'd like to... [Molesley nods to Tom's hat.] Mr Molesley: ...give me your hat and coat, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY] Violet: Are you going up to the house...to welcome the Queen of Sheeba? Isobel: Oh, I think so. Are you? Violet: No. I'll pay homage at dinner. Isobel: I've always admired the way Mrs Levinson is never overawed by the whole set up at Downton. Violet: Was Napoleon overawed by the Bourbons? [The door opens and Mr Molesley enters with Tom.] Violet: Oh. [They turn to face Tom.] Isobel: Come in, Tom. May I call you Tom? Tom: Of course. Good afternoon, milady. That is, Lady Grantham. I'm glad to find you here because...I want to apologize for last night. [Violet holds out a hand with a shake of her head, dismissing his apoloogy.] Isobel: Oh, there's no need. We know it was not your fault. Violet: You weren't the first drunk in that dining room, I can assure you. [Isobel chuckles and Tom smiles.] Tom: Only the first republican. Violet: Well, you've got me there. TOM (to Isobel) Why was it you wanted to see me? Isobel: We've asked Molesley to look out Matthew's old morning coat. He's confident he can make it fit. Tom: That's very kind, ladies, but you see, I don't approve of the costumes. I see them as the uniform of oppression, and I should be uncomfortable wearing them. Violet: Are you quite finished? [Tom looks at Violet, his polite pride fading to curiosity.] Tom: I have. Violet: Good. Please take off your coat. [Tom looks at Isobel for help, his mouth open in surprise, but her expression doesn't change.] Violet: Molesley, do help him. [Molesley steps up to Tom.] Mr Molesley: If you'll just slip it off, sir. [Tom gives up with a sigh and unbuttons his coat, clearing his throat. Molesley helps him out of it and picks up the morning coat.] Violet: Shouldn't he put the waistcoat on first? [Molesley helps Tom into the morning coat as Matthew enters.] Matthew: What's going on? Tom: They're forcing me into a morning coat. Matthew: He has no say in it? Violet: No, he doesn't, and nor do you. [Matthew raises an eyebrow and he and Tom look at each other. Molesley finishes adjusting the morning coat.] Violet: Well, what do you think, Molesley? Mr Molesley: It'll need lifting a little hem, milady. Violet: Mm-hmm. Mr Molesley: We'll move the buttons so. Violet: Well, I think the shoulders [Molesley inspects the shoulders with tilts of his head.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, FRONT DOOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A red motorcar arrives. The servants and family are lined up to greet it. Robert and Cora step forward to welcome Cora's mother. Alfred hands Mrs Levinson out of the motorcar.] Mrs Levinson: Come war and peace, Downton still stands and the Crawleys are still in it. Cora. [Mrs. Levinson steps forward to hug her daughter.] Cora: Mother, how lovely to see you. Mrs Levinson: As long as it is. Robert, aren't you going to kiss me? [Cora steps back and Robert steps forward.] Robert: With the greatest enthusiasm. [Robert gives Mrs Levinson a kiss on the cheek. Robert looks at the red motorcar.] Robert: Tell me, where does this come from? Mrs Levinson: I hired it in Liverpool. Why? Robert: Well, I thought it might be a gift from the U.S. government to help get Britain back on its feet. [Mrs Hughes, Mr Carson, and Mrs Levinson chuckle. Mrs Levinson steps up to them.] Mrs Levinson: Carson and Mrs Hughes, the world has moved on since last we met. Mr Carson: And we have moved on with it, my lady. Mrs Levinson: Really? (chuckle) It seems so strange to think of the English embracing change. Mrs Hughes, this is my maid, Reed. [Reed and Mrs Hughes nod to each other, and Reed takes her place in the servant's line. Mrs Levinson turns to her grandchildren.] Mrs Levinson: Sybil, tell me all about the arrangements for the birth. [Mrs Levinson embraces Sybil lightly and receives a kiss.] Mrs Levinson: We do these things so much better in the States. [Mrs Levinson turns to the next girl.] Mrs Levinson: Edith, still no one special? [Edith smiles with a sigh and a shrug.] Mrs Levinson: Well, never mind. You must take a tip from the modern American girl. [Mrs Levinson proceeds to Mary.] Mrs Levinson: Ah, Mary. Dearest Mary. [Mrs Levinson lightly embraces Mary to receive a kiss.] Mrs Levinson: Now. You tell me all of your wedding plans and I'll see what I can do to improve them. [Mrs Levinson walks into the house. The family all exchange looks, recovering from the whirlwind American mother-in-law. Cora and Robert enter the house, the others following in order of rank.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [O'Brien looks at Daisy, who's sitting at the table pouting with her arms crossed.] O'Brien: What's the matter with you? [Reed enters.] Daisy: Mrs Patmore knows. Reed: Should I tell you Mrs Levinson's requirements during her stay? Daisy: No, tell her. Mrs Patmore: Er, yes. Miss Reed, how can I help? Reed: Well, to start with, I will need goat's milk in the mornings. Mrs Patmore: Goat's milk? Oh, fancy that. Reed: She drinks only boiled water. Mrs Patmore: Really? Reed: In England, that is. Anna: Shouldn't Daisy be doing this? Alfred: I ought to take the tea up. Mrs Patmore: Oh, I'll have it ready in a moment. [Mrs Patmore walks toward the kitchens. Daisy wathes with pursed lips, her arms still crossed.] Reed: No fats, no crab, and nothing from the marrow family. [Mrs Patmore walks out with Reed and Daisy's stiff demeanor fades into uncertainty.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] Mrs Levinson: Do explain again how exactly you are related to all of us, Mr Crawley. [Matthew sighs with some amusement.] Matthew: Rather distantly, I'm afraid. [Tom places his hand over Sybil's affectionately and she smiles back at him.] Matthew: My great, great grandfather was a younger son of the third earl. [Isobel chuckles.] Mrs Levinson: My. Hm, I'm going to have to write that down so I can study it. Robert: Look at our page in Burke's. You'll find Matthew there. Mrs Levinson: Good, because I would so like to understand why he gets to inherit my late husband's money. Matthew: (chuckle) I know, it's funny isn't it? [Cora and Mary chuckle.] Mrs Levinson: Not everyone shares your sense of humour. Isobel: But surely it doesn't matter now that they're getting married. [Mrs Levinson tips her head up in acknowledgement.] Mary: In fact, we'd better turn him out, or it'll be bad luck for tomorrow. Cora: Quite right. [Matthew looks at his watch and stands. The gentlemen stand as Cora and Mary exit with him.] Mrs Levinson: You must be the chauffeur I've heard so much about. Tom: I am, ma'am. Sybil: Tom's a journalist now, Grandmamma. Mrs Levinson: Oh, well, well. I've heard of those journeys on my side of the water. It's very pleasant to hear of them happening here. [Robert looks less than pleased, but Tom and Sybil smile.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cora walks with Mary and Matthew.] Mary: It's all right, Mamma. You can leave us unchaperoned. After tomorrow, all things are permitted. [Cora chuckles with a blush.] Cora: Don't embarrass me. Bye Matthew. [She squeezes his arm on her way out.] Cora: Get a good night's sleep. [Mary and Matthew look around the hall.] Mary: How many moments of Crawley history has this room seen? Matthew: And many more to come. [Mary tenses.] Mary: I hope so. In fact, what happened in the search for...Mr Pumpkin... [Matthew looks down with an amused smile.] Mary: ...Swire's heir? Have you heard anything? Matthew: Yes. Charkham sent a telegram. I've got it here, actually. Mary: Oh. [Matthew hands her the telegram and she reads it.] Mary: "Convincing proof of Pulbrook's death. Stop. Investigating date." W--what does that mean? Matthew: Well, if Pulbrook died after Reggie, then his heirs get the money, but if he died first, then I do. [Mary's brow furrows.] Mary: But that's absurd. What right have his heirs to inherit anything? Matthew: Well, darling, what right have I? And frankly, what difference does it make? I shan't keep it if I get it. Mary: Well...actually, you will. [Matthew's brows furrow.] Mary: Because something rather terrible has happened. [Matthew steps toward her with curiosity.] Mary: You see...apparently Papa has lost a great deal of money. [Matthew looks suddenly toward the library and back at Mary.] Mary: Enough to ruin him. Enough for us to lose Downton. Matthew: Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Mary: Yes, but...surely, if Mr Pulbrook did die before Swire, then...we're saved. [Matthew's expression darkens.] Matthew: Darling, I don't think you understand. [Matthew steps away.] Matthew: Reggie Swire will have got me in his will because he believed I was his daughter's one true love. Mary: So you were. [Matthew jerks violently.] Matthew: Yes, but... [Matthew walks slowly back to Mary.] Matthew: But I broke Lavinia's heart and she died. He never knew that. [Mary stares at Matthew, mouth open, brows furrowed.] Matthew: How could I possibly allow myself to...profit from her death. To--to...dine in splendour, because I took away a woman's will to live. Mary: So, you're prepared to destroy us in payment for your destroying her? Matthew: Darling, please. You know I would do anything for this family. Mary: Anything except help us. [Matthew's expression darkens again. Mary becomes increasingly upset.] Mary: Except save Papa from living out the rest of his days in humiliation and grief. And what about us? What about our children? Oh, God, Matthew, how can you be so disappointing? [Mary breaks down in tears.] Matthew: Mary, please. Mary: No! [Mary backs away from Matthew's comfort.] Mary: Don't you see what this means? Don't you see what a difference this makes? It means that you're not on our side, Matthew. It means that deep down, you're not on our side! [Mary tosses the telegram angrily and runs upstairs in tears. Matthew puts a hand over his eyes for a moment, then he sees Edith on the stairs, witnessing the end of their argument. Matthew sighs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates and Craig exit their cell with a guard escort. Anna meets with Bates in their usual room.] Anna: How are you getting on with your new companion? Bates: I don't like him, but so far I've kept it to myself. So...who are the bridesmaids? [Anna smiles.] Anna: You don't care about all that. Bates: You're wrong. It's the stuff of my dreams. [Bates smiles.] Bates: The panic that a dinner won't be ready, or a frock isn't ironed, or a gun wasn't cleaned. [Anna sighs with a smile.] Bates: Do you know where you're going for the honeymoon? Anna: Oh, I want to talk about that. They'll stay in London with Lady Rosamund for a couple of days just to get used to each other. [Anna lets out a small chuckle and they both smile at each other.] Anna: And then they go to the south of France. I'll hire a replacement in London, and then I'll come home instead. Lady Mary won't mind. I'll pay. Bates: Why would you do that? Anna: Well, to be near you, of course. Bates: Don't you understand? While I'm in here, you have to live my life as well as your own. Go to France, see some sights. Get us some memories. Anna: But I wouldn't be home for a month. Bates: But we'd have something to talk about. Go. I insist. [Anna studies Bates.] Bates: For my sake. [Anna considers his request.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Violet enters with Carson.] Violet: I was so afraid I was going to be late. But th-- Ah-ha-ha. [Violet sees Mrs Levinson and they greet one another.] Mrs Levinson: Violet. [Violet opens her arms and embraces Violet, who stands there accepting it awkwardly. Mrs Levinson steps back with a smile, then looks at Violet's face.] Mrs Levinson: Oh, dear. [Violet's smile is frozen.] Mrs Levinson: I'm afraid the war has made old women of us both. [Carson raises his eyebrows and exits.] Violet: Oh, I wouldn't say that. But then, I always keep out of the sun. How do you find Downton on your return? Mrs Levinson: Much the same, really. Probably too much the same, but then I don't want to cast a pall over all the happiness. Violet: How could you ever do that? [They start walking toward the drawing room.] Mrs Levinson: Tell me, what do you think of young Lochinvar who has so ably carried off our granddaughter and our money? Violet: Oh. Mrs Levinson: Do you approve of him? Violet: Not as much as you will, when you get to know him. Mrs Levinson: Hmm. Has he gone home to change? Violet: Oh, no. We won't see him again tonight. The groom never sees the bride the night before the wedding. Mrs Levinson: Ha. Nothing ever alters for you people, does it? Revolutions erupt and monarchies crash to the ground, and the groom still cannot see the bride before the wedding. Violet: You Americans never understand the importance of tradition. Mrs Levinson: Yes, we do. We just don't give it power over us. History and tradition took Europe into a world war. Maybe you should think about letting go of its hand. [Mrs Levinson pats Violet's arms and walks off. Edith enters to find Violet staring after Cora's mother.] Edith: There you are. I see you've said hello to Grandmamma. Violet (whisper): She is like a homing pigeon. She finds our underbelly every time. Dreadful woman. [Violet walks to the drawing room.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Robert: No, it wasn't me. (to Mrs Levinson) Someone sent Sybil and Tom the price for the tickets to come over. [Mary is silent and tense from her fight with Matthew.] Sybil: Does it matter who it was? It meant we could be at the wedding. Of course, I wish it had been you, Papa, but I don't mind. I thank them, whoever they are. Cora: Well, I'm very glad you're here, but it wasn't me either, I'm sad to say. Mrs Levinson: Well, I love a mystery. Who could it be? Robert: My guess is Cousin Isobel. She always likes to stick her oar in. Sybil: I'm going to ask her. Violet: For heaven's sake, it was me. [Robert looks up in shock, putting down his spoon. Even Mary is shocked out of her nervous state, and Tom looks up in surprise.] Sybil: You? But it wasn't your writing. Violet: No. Smithers did it. Like all ladies' maids, she lives for intrigue. Tom: You wanted me to come here? Violet: I wanted Sybil and her husband to be here for Mary's wedding, yes. [Carson drops Tom's napkin on him with a grimace, for Tom to put in his lap.] Sybil: Why keep that secret? Violet: Silly, wasn't it? [Mary stares at the table, her brows furrowed.] Tom: I'm very touched. I'll admit it. Mrs Levinson: How democratic. Makes me think maybe I've been mistaken in you. Violet: I am a woman of many parts. After all, Branson is a me-- I mean, Tom. Ha. You're a member of the family now. [The corner of Tom's mouth turns up into a smile.] Violet: You'll find we Crawleys stick together. Mary: Not always. [Mary mopes.] Cora: Mary, what is it? Mary: Oh, nothing. It's just... [Mary can't hold it in. She leaves the table in tears. Tom and Robert stand and Violet reaches her hand out to Mary's retreating figure.] Violet: Oh, Mary, dear... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Alfred enters.] Mrs Patmore: Oh, there you are. That's all for this course. [Mrs Patmore places a gravy boat on Alfred's serving tray.] Mrs Patmore: Don't you think, Daisy?! [Mrs Patmore shouts down the table where Daisy is sitting with pursed lips and arms crossed.] Alfred: Is Daisy all right, Mrs Patmore? Mrs Patmore: Oh, yes. She's been such a big help. Now, I think we should check the pudding, Daisy. Don't you agree?! [Daisy doesn't move.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Cora: It's nerves. Everyone cries at some point before their wedding. Mrs Levinson: But what was the quarrel about? Edith: I'm not sure. I know she accused him of not being on our side. Violet: Oh, well, I hope she's wrong. That could be rather serious. Robert: Of course he's on our side. It's ridiculous. I'll go and see him. Tom: No, I'll go. [Robert looks at Tom in unpleasant surprise.] Tom: I'm his best man. I should be the one to go. Robert: What? Tom: I know what it is to marry into this family. I'm not comparing myself to Mr Crawley, but he is another kind of outsider. Robert: Well, I hardly-- Mrs Levinson: Well, why not? He's the one that will lose his job if the wedding's cancelled. [Robert and Tom regard each other for a moment, then they leave the subject.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy approaches Mrs Patmore proudly.] Daisy: I see what you're doing, you know. Mrs Patmore: What's that then? Daisy: Not responding to my protest. Mrs Patmore: Oh, "Not responding to my protest". Very elegant, I must say. [Mrs Patmore turns to Daisy with a hand on her hip.] Mrs Patmore: Who've you been talking to? Thomas? [Daisy is caught with no response.] Daisy: Well... [Mrs Patmore tilts her head, waiting for an answer.] Daisy: Oh, just give me the cloth and I'll dry. [Mrs Patmore tosses Daisy the cloth in victory.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary cries as Anna brushes her hair.] Anna: But suppose he never gets the money. Mary: It's not about the money. It's that he won't save Papa when he could. Anna: But he has to be true to himself. Mary: Well, that's the point. He puts himself above the rest of us. Don't you see? Anna: What I see is a good man, milady. [Mary looks up at Anna in the mirror, listening wholeheartedly.] Anna: And they're not like buses. There won't be another one along in ten minutes time. [Anna puts the hair brush down and goes about her business while Mary thinks over what she said.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom and Matthew have a drink in the living room.] Tom: It seems big, but it's not big. Matthew: And if it happens? I get the money? I can't do what she wants. Tom: It's strange for me to be arguing about inherited money and saving estates when the old me would like to put a bomb under the lot of you. [Tom and Matthew both smile in amusement.] Matthew: But? Tom: But you're meant to be together. [Matthew smiles a little.] Tom: I've known that as long as I've been at the house. And at first this kept you apart, and then that kept you apart... [Matthew looks upwards, remembering.] Tom: But please don't risk it a third time. Because I'll tell you this: you won't be happy with anyone else while Lady Mary walks the earth. [Matthew closes his eyes at Tom's social faux pas.] Matthew: Call her Mary, please. Tom: Never mind what I call her. I know what I'll call you if you let this chance slip through your fingers. [Matthew chuckles and smiles at Tom.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Someone knocks at Mary's door as she's sitting on the bed in her nightgown. She stares at it and Anna goes to it slowly. Anna opens the door to find Matthew at the door, Tom behind him. Anna looks back at Mary.] Matthew: I just need a word. [Mary stands up at Matthew's voice.] Mary: No. Go away. I'm undressed, you can't come in. Matthew: One word. Come to the door. Tom: Please. Just give him this chance. [Mary walks toward the door at the sound of Tom's voice.] Matthew: I won't look at you. Anna: It'd be unlucky if you did. Mary: Only if we were getting married. Matthew: Which we are. [Anna looks at Mary and asks with a tilt of her head. Mary nods that she'll talk with Matthew and Anna leaves with a smile. Matthew looks back and Tom, who gives him an encouraging smile, and Tom and Anna both disappear.] Matthew: My darling, I refuse to quarrel about something that hasn't happened and probably never will. Mary: That's what Anna says. Matthew: And she's right. My darling, I'm sure we will fight about...money...and about Downton...about how to rear our children, about any number of other things. Mary: Then shouldn't we accept it? Matthew...I've been thinking...and I'm not angry now. Truly, I'm not. But if we can disagree over something as fundamental as this, then...shouldn't we be brave and back away now? Matthew: No. Mary: It's not because you're afraid of calling it off, because I'm not. Matthew: No... [Matthew takes a breath trying to form the words.] Matthew: It's because of something Tom said. [Mary's eyebrows furrow as she waits for his answer.] Matthew: That I would never be happy with anyone else as long as you walked the earth. Which is true. And...I think you feel the same about me. [Mary thinks about it and raises her eyebrows when she realises the truth.] Matthew: Can I kiss you? [Mary turns her head in surprise.] Matthew: 'Cause I need to. [Mary smiles.] Matthew: Very much. Mary: No. It's bad luck to look at me. Matthew: What about if I close my eyes and you do too. [Mary thinks about it for a moment.] Mary: All right. But you mustn't cheat. [Mary waits for Matthew to step around the open door. He steps inside with a smile and she feels her way forward with a hand on his chest. Her hand slides to his face and they kiss. When they pull apart, Mary opens her eyes. They both smile, though Matthew's eyes are still closed. Mary stands there with her hand on his chest and closes her eyes again.] Matthew: Goodnight. [They both smile again and Matthew steps backward out of her room. Mary opens her eyes and looks at the floor dreamily.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom descends the stairs in full morning coat apparel. He encounters Robert in the hall.] Tom: Right. I'm off to collect Matthew. Robert: You look very smart. Tom: I hope so. Because I'm extremely uncomfortable. [Tom chuckles with a smile as he fidget with his sleeve. He begins to head out again.] Robert: Branson. [Tom stops. Robert exhales.] Robert: That is...Tom. [Tom walks back toward Robert.] Robert: I want to thank you for what you did last night. I'm grateful. I mean it. Tom: We're both strong characters. I'd say we have plenty of slamming doors and shouting matches to come. [Robert is aghast for a moment, then he recovers himself with a sigh.] Robert: Forgive me, I was about to be indignant, but of course, you have a perfect right to speak as you do. Tom: I hope you mean that, too. Robert: I do. Now, hurry up. [They smile at each other and Tom exits.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna finishes up Mary's hair with a laurel tiara.] Cora: You'd ask, wouldn't you, if there was anything you wanted me to tell you. I mean, I'm sure you know. Mary: More than you did. [Cora exhales.] Mary: And relax. There isn't anything I need to hear now. Cora: Because when two people love each other, you understand, everything... [Sybil raises her eyebrows, waiting for their mother's response.] Cora: Is the most terrific fun. [Sybil laughs.] Mary: Careful, Mamma, or you'll shock Anna. Anna: I'm a married woman now, milady. [The married ladies chuckle.] Edith: I think we should go. Sybil: What about Anna? How are you going to get to the church? Anna: They're waiting for me in the wagonette. I'll see you there. [Anna steps back and Mary turns around on her chair. Sybil kneels down in front of her.] Sybil: I know mine was a wild runaway marriage, darling, and yours is the one everyone wanted, but what's so thrilling is that this is every bit as romantic. Mary: Thank you. For always being so sweet. [They kiss each other on the cheek and Sybil stands back. Mary stands and Edith faces her.] Edith: Love and position in one handsome package. Who could ask for more? [Mary exhales and gives Cora a sidelong look as Edith leaves with Sybil. Mary faces Cora.] Cora: Never mind Edith. Well... [Cora steps up to Mary.] Cora: Very, very good luck my beautiful daughter. [Cora squeezes Mary's hands and leaves. Anna steps forward and unties the robe over Mary's wedding gown.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes brings the flower girls to their motorcar.] Mrs Hughes: Now, you've a great big motorcar all to yourselves. Just think of that. So we'll expect you to behave as if you were quite grown up. You can do that, can't you? [One of the flower girls runs over to O'Brien.] O'Brien: Have you got everything you need? FLOWER GIRL Yes. O'Brien: [?] then. Careful of your dress. [O'Brien opens the car door for the girl. The girls giggle as they sit together.] O'Brien: Settle down. Mrs Hughes: All right? [Alfred closes the car door on the other side and leans in the window.] Alfred: Don't do anything I wouldn't do. FLOWER GIRLS We won't. MRS HUGHES. Buh-bye. Alfred: [?] [The motorcar drives off. A large horse drawn carriage pulls up to the front door.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy and Mrs Patmore are busy arranging a beautiful array of appetisers.] Mrs Hughes: Have you got everything you need? Mrs Patmore: We do. Now, be off with you and enjoy yourself. [Mrs Hughes leaves.] Daisy: I wish we were going. Mrs Patmore: And who would get the food ready for when they come back? But still, fetch your coat, and we'll see her off. [Daisy smiles and they exit.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The family walks toward the front door, Edith and Sybil arm in arm.] Robert: Right. See you in a minute. [Sybil and Edith smile at Robert as they follow their mother out.] Sybil: And so should you. [Carson enters.] Mr Carson: They just leaving now, my lord, as soon as we've got Anna. Robert: Ah. [Anna calls down the stairs.] Anna: Here comes the bride. [Robert and Carson look up as Anna descends with a bouquet. Mary walks down, her veil flowing out behind her. Robert and Carson's jaws drop at the sight of her and step forward.] Mary: Will I do, Carson? [Mary smiles. Carson looks at her in awe with tears in his eyes.] Mr Carson: Very nicely, my lady. [Mary steps down to the hall and her father meets her.] Robert: Thank heavens you got everything settled. You had me worried. Mary: It's not quite settled, I'm afraid. He won't get off that easily. Robert: But you're happy? Mary: I am. [Robert nods.] Mary: And what about you? [Robert takes a breath before he speaks.] Robert: I'm so happy...so very happy, I feel my chest will explode. [Robert kisses Mary's cheek with tears in his eyes. He offers her his arm and they walk toward the front door together.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON CHURCH - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Edith finds Sir Anthony.] Edith: It's so lovely that you're here. Come behind us. Sir Anthony: I can't, I'm not family. Edith: Well, you almost are. [Anthony scoffs and allows Edith to lead him to his seat. Matthew and Tom arrive and hand their hats to a servant.] Matthew: Morning. Thank you. Tom: Thank you. [Matthew addresses Molesley in a back row.] Matthew: Molesley. [Molesley stands and O'Brien watches them.] Matthew: I'm very grateful to you for keeping Mr Branson up to the mark. We both are, aren't we? Tom: We certainly are. MOLESLEY Thank you, sir. [Tom and Matthew walk toward the altar and Molesley catches O'Brien's eye. He smiles at her, but she turns away. Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson sit in a pew together.] Mr Carson: This is a proud day, Mrs Hughes. Mrs Hughes: I don't know if I'm proud, but I'm very glad you're happy, Mr Carson. [Cora leans over to Edith.] Cora: You're next, darling, you'll see. Edith: Will I? [Cora smiles and takes Edith's hand. Cora and Mrs Levinson sit together.] Violet: It's so encouraging to see the future unfurl. [Mrs Levinson looks over at Violet coolly.] Mrs Levinson: As long as you remember it will bear no resemblance to the past. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Church bells chime and the villagers wave flags and cheer as Lady Mary's carriage drives toward the church. They follow it to the gate and continue cheering as Robert and Mary step out. Matthew and Tom hear the crowd's cheers as they sit in the front pew. They look at each other and smile. The organ starts and Tom leans over just as everyone stands.] Tom: Good luck. [Tom and Matthew face the altar as Robert walks Mary down the aisle. Matthew peeks around his shoulder to see Mary smiling at him. He returns the smile. Robert leads Mary to the altar and steps back. Matthew leans over.] Matthew: You came. To be honest, I wasn't completely sure you would. Mary: I'm glad to hear it. I should hate to be predictable. [They begin to chuckle.]
doc_120	MEREDITH: To make it... really make it as a surgeon, it takes major commitment. We have to be willing to pick up that scalpel that may or may not do more damage than good. It's all about being committed. Cause if we're not, we have no business picking up that scalpel in the first place. [SCENE_BREAK] CHRISTINA: We'll book OR 2 tomorrow at 10. Usual scrub team. And get rid of his valve replacement at 2, that's no good. INTERN: Yang. Brought you a mocha latte. CHRISTINA: You're not scrubbing in. INTERN: But Burke always lets me scrub it. OTHER INTERN: Hey, Yang can I get in on... CHRISTINA: No, no residents. Too crowded. Go away. (To a nurse) Make sure you put the instrument tray on his left hand side. He needs the elbow room. And OR 2, no gallery. Burke was specific. NURSE: Dr. Burke has become very specific since coming back to work, hasn't he? CHRISTINA: Do you want me to tell him you said that? GEORGE (who is looking on from above with Meredith and Alex): Burke's back and suddenly Christina's running his board. Who does she think she is, Bailey? MEREDITH: She's helping him. ALEX: She's taking advantage. She gets out of rounds, she scrubs in on every surgery Burke does, she's ordered around 3'rd year residents... MEREDITH: You're overreacting... (Christina grabs the pen from the nurse's hand and starts writing on the board.) GEORGE: She's writing on the board! ALEX: Maybe I should sleep with Burke... [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: You've been busy CHRISTINA: Yeah MEREDITH: Derek hast called yet. I told him I broke up with Finn a week ago, he still hasn't called. Hey, do you wanna go get a drink, catch up? CHRISTINA: No, I can't. I have to study up for Burke's surgeries tomorrow. MEREDITH: She's busy. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: Callie. Hey, talk to me. And how about talking to me instead of ignoring me? CALLIE: George! GEORGE: Well that's talking That's a good start. [SCENE_BREAK] (Derek walks out of the shower, and screams upon seeing a woman on his bed.) NANCY: Well hey there stranger. DEREK: Nancy you don't call first? (Meredith enters.) MEREDITH: Hey, I... DEREK: Meredith... Meredith, let me explain! (But of course she takes off.) NANCY: I take it that was the slutty intern you cheated on Addison with? DEREK: She's not slutty. What are you doing here? NANCY: You bailed on Thanksgiving, then Christmas, you're living in a trailor, and you're getting a divorce,and then there's the slutty intern. DEREK: I really don't like you. NANCY: You love me. [SCENE_BREAK] IZZIE: I'm feeling really good. GEORGE: Good. MEREDITH: Good. IZZIE: First day back, it feels good. Big. Kind of nervous. I feel good. Do I look alright? MEREDITH and GEORGE: Great. IZZIE: I want to get on the right foot, get my ID renewed, new time card, sign some papers with legal then I'm back...really back. MEREDITH and GEORGE: Yeah. (Izzie leaves the elevator.) IZZIE: This is me. Human resources.. See you guys on the floor. BOTH: Yeah. GEORGE: I'll be Christina for you if you'll be Izzie for me. MEREDITH: Deal. (George stops the elevator.) MEREDITH: Derek had a woman in his trailer last night. She was ugly, very ugly. Except she was tall and beautiful...and he was naked. GEORGE: Oh uh, McDreamy was doing the McNasty with a McHottie? That McBastard. How was that? MEREDITH: That was good! Channelling Izzie... go. GEORGE: OK... Callie... she won't forgive me, she won't talk to me. She dumped me...which I dont...care about...at all MEREDITH: Good because you deserve better, 'cause you are George. I mean seriously. Seriously. Was that Izzie optimistic? GEORGE: That was very Izzie... MEREDITH: What has happened to us? GEORGE: We are now the people the people we want to be with avoid. MEREDITH: We have careers to think about. We don't need attention from men with perfect hair. GEORGE: We should make a pact. No more dating. MEREDITH: No more Derek. No more Callie. GEORGE: Just 100% focused on our work. MEREDITH: They are dead to us. GEORGE: They are freaking corpses to us. (They butt knuckles.) [SCENE_BREAK] MRS. BYRD: Preston Burke, what a pleasure. I have read so much about you. BURKE: Well thank you. CHRISTINA: Pruitt Byrd. Medivac brought him in this morning. He presents with a primary cardiac tumor. MRS. BYRD: We've been told Pruitt needs a cardio autotransplantation. BURKE: A cardio autotransplantation? CHRISTINA: A humpty dumpty surgery. BURKE: Yes I know what it is. Mrs. Byrd, this is a very complicated surgery. You'll need thorough testing. CHRISTINA: Already done. BURKE: You understand what the surgery intails? We have to.. CHRISTINA: We have to remove his heart, cut it open, scrape out all the tumor, then put his heart back together again. BURKE: Which is risky. CHRISTINA: But possible. MRS. BYRD: Which is why we're here I want the very best for my husband. BURKE: The best. CHRISTINA: She means you. BURKE: I know that. CHRISTINA: Oh I scheduled Mr. Byrd for surgery this afternoon. Just trying to be as efficient as possible. [SCENE_BREAK] CHIEF: Legal cleared Stephens. Explain her perameters and make she understands. BAILEY: Stephens is being assigned to me again? CHIEF: She's your intern. BAILEY: Well wouldn't it be better for her to start fresh with another resident? CHIEF: You don't want her. BAILEY: I want her to succeed. CHIEF: There's still a good deal of fallout after the Duquet M&M. There's talk. I don't need to tell you that there are doctors in this hospital who have concerns about your judgement. BAILEY: Concerns about my judgment. CHIEF: Stephens was your mistake. BAILEY: Do you, sir, do you have concerns about my judgement? CHIEF: Do you? You're not going to put those concerns to rest by avoiding taking responsibility for Stephens. She's your intern... again. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: Transfer from Mercy West. Noelle LeBatt. 32 weeks along, pregnant with twins. One appears to be developing more slowly than the other. GREG: Hi. ADDISON: Hi there. GREG: Greg Stanton. This is my lovely fiancé. The future Mrs. Stanton. Noelle. NOELLE: Greg, I promise you you're the only person who cares if we're married or not. GREG: They said we had to come here because her condition could be serious. Is it serious? ADDISON: I gotta say, you don't seem emergent enough for Mercy to send you over here in a ambulance. You're not in labor, you're not bleeding, your vitals are fine. NOELLE: They said I had to come here because of my thing. GEORGE: Two uteruses!? Ms. Lebatt was born with two uteruses. Uh, Uteri ADDISON: Uteruses. GEORGE: Uteruses. That's very rare. IZZIE: I'm here. Hi. Hello. That paperwork took forever, but I'm here now. And can I just say how greatful I am to be back? BAILEY: You understand there are rules to your probation. Rules to follow? IZZIE: Oh yeah, legal took me through all that stuff. The mandatory counseling, the extra lab hours. The extra work with the transplant patients. BAILEY: That's the stuff you're doing with the chief. I'm talking about what you're doing for me. IZZIE: Okay. What am I doing for you? BAILEY: OK, lets start with what you don't get to do. You will not interact with any patients, you will not be alone with any patients. You will be seen and not heard. No procedures. The OR is off limits. No pre-op. No post-op. Anything having to do with an op. You have no authority. You have no opinions. You have no choice in this matter. Am I understood? IZZIE: Is there anything I can do? I want to be useful. BAILEY: I cant use you. You've got to earn back the right for any of us to trust you again. Until then, you will be shadowing a differend Dr. every day. IZZIE: Okay, who am I with today? Dr. Montgomery? You? MEREDITH: Dr. Bailey, you paged? BAILEY: Dr. Grey. IZZIE: Meredith... BAILEY: You are to make sure that Stephens observes only. MEREDITH: You want me to? IZZIE: Wait Meredith? Meredith is the boss of me. [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: I'm sorry about this. IZZIE: Hey you want me to get you some coffee? Rub your feet maybe? MEREDITH: I did not ask for this assignment. IZZIE: It's fine...I'm fine with it. Oh, I'm so sorry (She's bumped into people who are talking to Derek.) DEREK: Dr. Stephens. Welcome back. Meredith? Meredith... IZZIE: Sorry it's not like I can leave. I gotta stay by my bosses side. NANCY: Okay, the trailer sucks, but in the light of day the land is nice. Seattle's pretty in the daylight. Plus you have your thing for ferries. MEREDITH and DEREK: Ferry boats. NANCY: Right, whatever. DEREK: Meredith, this is my sister Nancy. MEREDITH: Sister? You're one of Derek's sisters? NANCY: Well I knew you didn't think I was the wife, seeing as how you already ran her off. DEREK: Nancy is visiting from Connecticut. She's on her way home... now. Straight back home. MEREDITH: Well it was nice to meet you. NANCY: Okay... (Meredith and Izzie walk off as Derek grabs Nancy's arm scornfully.) IZZIE: McDreamy's sister is McBitchy... [SCENE_BREAK] CHRISTINA: You put me in charge of your schedule. BURKE: To make sure that I didn't get a surgery like this one. CHRISTINA: Only a handful of people do humpties Burke. And you're the best one on the west coast. BURKE: Then he can go to Houston. CHRISTINA: You want to tell the Chief that? Pruitt needs the surgery, he'll die without it. BURKE: You didn't tell me. You told the patient we were doing the surgery. but you didn't tell me. CHRISTINA: I have been doing that all week. BURKE: Are you up on a humpty? Do you realize what this entails? CHRISTINA: I have done my research. Stop worrying. We are a well-oiled machine. [SCENE_BREAK] BAILEY: Uh Dr. Burke. BURKE: Yeah. BAILEY: I understand there are some doctors in this hospital that have doubts about my judgement since Denny BURKE: Everyone loves a scandal. BAILEY: So you think it's just gossip? It's not actual concern about me being a doctor? BURKE: Sure, sure. [SCENE_BREAK] (Meredith pulls gauze off a young girl's burnt hand.) MEREDITH: Ow. Iz, set me up for debriedment, and dressing. GRETCHEN: It's stupid. I know better. When I'm setting up for the bar... I'm a mess. I can't focus on anything for weeks, but tourts and real property and constitutional law. MEREDITH: Uh the Biosynthetic ones. IZZIE: We never use those. MEREDITH: We do now. Sloan changed the burn protocol last week. GRETCHEN: I was about to start a practice test. I wanted something to drink. So I put on some tea. So I put on a pot of water and forgot. Half an hour into my section on contracts and the smoke alarm was blaring...and well you know the rest. MEREDITH: So you're going to be a lawyer? GRETCHEN: All I have to do is pass the bar exam. I failed last time...but this time I'm ready. I'm going to pass. IZZIE: Good for you. [SCENE_BREAK] DEREK: That was just mean. NANCY: Kathleen called and asked me to find out why the slutty interns panties were hanging on the bulletin board. DEREK: Four sisters... four sisters and not one brother. And you wonder why I don't call more. NANCY: You can answer about the panties at any time. DEREK: Nance, it's good to see you. Really great to have you here. But I have a job you know? I have patients. NANCY: I have a mother with twins at 35 weeks...where is her OB? DEREK: Well her OB should be on a plane back to Connecticut where she belongs. NANCY: Okay, so we've covered the trailer, we still have to cover the slutty intern and the divorce. DEREK: You know what? You sound more and more like mom every day. NANCY: Take it back. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: So two uteruses. That's pretty cool. And you're engaged...also cool. NOELLE: Greg talked me into it GREG: From the first moment I saw noel I knew I was ham. GEORGE: Did you say ham? NOELLE: Oh here we go again. GREG: You're either ham or eggs. You gotta ask yourself in every situation, are you the pig of chicken? GEORGE: Sir it's just a pig or chicken. GREG: Look you got to play the ham and the eggs. You see the chicken is involved in the meal. But the pig is committed. So the question is...are you committed? Or are you involved? GEORGE: Ham or eggs? GREG: Ham or eggs. [SCENE_BREAK] MARK: Karev you free? ALEX: Absolutely sir. MARK: Great. Take this. I'm on hold with the DMV. Some mess up about switching my license and registration to Seattle. Take care of this for me? ALEX: Thanks for thinking of me sir. O'Malley...how's it feel to be the new gynie grunt? GEORGE: I've got a patient who was born with and is pregnant in two uteruses. Two uteruses...jealous? ALEX: No, I'm on hold. Important business. For Sloan. GEORGE: Right... Super important, I'm sure. Noelle LeBatt...room 2413. ALEX: Hang on, can I see that? (referring to the chart) (Nancy walks up.) NANCY: Did I just hear him say two uteruses? ALEX: You must be... MARK: Nancy pants? NANCY: Hey loser. MARK: I wish Derek had told me you were visiting. NANCY: Oh like he tells you anything these days? MARK: Well I'm working on that. NANCY: What are you doing here Mark? Are you trying to torture him? MARK: He's my family Nancy. Plus I needed a change of pace. Plus I slept with my tennis partners wief and he went out and bought a gun. NANCY: There it is! ADDISON: Oh! Nancy! Let me guess, did mom send you out? NANCY: Let me guess, he's trying to ban you from Seattle? ADDISON: Did he also tell you he's living in a trailer? (Derek walks up and sees them talking, and walks away.) NANCY: Derek. Derek? (She goes after him.) I want to see the two uteruses. ADDISON: Yeah, find me later. MARK: I miss her. ADDISON: Yeah me too. [SCENE_BREAK] GREG: The Diesel pushes past quarterback Don McNeil. He's at the 30. He's at the 20. He's at the 10. Touchdown Washington! NOELLE: Sorry, one of the twins gets rowdy, and Greg gets carried away with talking to the baby. He's decided that the baby is into sports of all things. GREG: Well she's daddy's little girl. See when I talk to her... ALEX: Yeah, your voice, it helps calm her down. Yeah, I read a couple aricles on that recently. ADDISON: Dr. Karev...I didn't know you secretly missed my service. ALEX: Right. ADDISON: Greg, Noelle, I have good news for you. According to our tests, the babies are both perfectly healthy. But they are substantially different sizes for a very unique reason. The babies have two different due dates. GEORGE: According to our calculations, the larger baby, your son was conceived a whole six weeks before your daughter. NOELLE: Oh God. GREG: I don't understand. That's impossible. ADDISON: Actually out tests are extremely accurate at predicting due dates. GREG: But we broke up. Yeah, see she got pregnant. I wanted to get married, she didn't. I gave her an ultimatum, and she left me. NOELLE: Greg I am so sorry. GREG: We were barely speaking, six weeks after the conception, let alone having sx. Or at least I wasn't having sx. NOELLE: It was one night, Greg, it was one night. I didn't think this could happen. It was nothing. GREG: I can't believe you did this. I can't believe you didn't tell me. I can't believe this. (He storms out.) GEORGE: He's not the father of both babies. [SCENE_BREAK] ADDISON: I just accidentally broke the news of my patient's infidelity to her husband. BAILEY: And yet no one is questioning your competence as a surgeon. ADDISON: No, what? CHIEF: I need a button. I'm on my last clean shirt and I'm missing a button. Adele always handled my buttons CHIEF: Adele...no. I wouldn't want to bother her with anything as trivial as a button. I don't suppose either of you would want to... ADDISON: I'm sorry, I have two uteruses I need to deal with. BAILEY: I have many skills. Surgical skills. Your button ruptures an oesophagus, I'm your woman... otherwise... MARK: I hear you burned your hand because you were studying? GRETCHEN: Can't be allowed to warm soup within five days of taking the bar. MARK: So you burned your hand... GRETCHEN: While I was burning the soup. MARK: You grabbed the pot GRETCHEN: Dropped it, obviously it was red hot... MARK: Must have held onto it for a while though. This burn's extremely deep. GRETCHEN: Oh yeah, that's right. I held onto it then I dropped it. MARK: There are some deep partial thickness burns here. Give her a gram of Cephazol and a tetanus. GRETCHEN: It's too bad really. I did this to my hand. I'm supposed to be taking the bar again on Friday. MARK: This burn is bad, but we'll get you fixed up. You'll be fine to take the test on Friday. GRETCHEN: I will? IZZIE: She's lying. Something's off about Gretchen's story. MEREDITH: Izzie, you're only supposed to be observing. IZZIE: I am observing. I'm observing closely. Did you see her reaction when Sloan told her she'd be okay to take the test again. That was not relief. That was panic. MEREDITH: It's okay to be nervous...about being back here at work, about failing. But you haven't been here a whole day yet and already you're pushing to bend the rules. IZZIE: MEREDITH: This is so not about me. This is about our patient. I'm worried about our patient. And get off your high freaking horse. MEREDITH: This is my patient. Try to remember that. IZZIE: Fine, whatever. BAILEY: A humpty dumpty surgery. Burke's doing a humpty today? I've never seen one of those first hand before. CHRISTINA: Yeah, me neither. What are you doing? BAILEY: Scrubbing in. You'll let Burke know? CHRISTINA: Sure. (She doesn't want Bailey in there because sit would give the game away.) [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: I know you're not talking to me any more, but there's something I'd like to explain. All you have to do is listen. You and me, we're like ham and eggs. I was the chicken and I just want you to know that I know I was the chicken. You put yourself out there and you were committed. I just put the eggs on the plate. Not the ham 'cause you were the pig. I was involved but now I'm committed. CALLIE: Did you just call me a pig? GEORGE: It's a metaphor. CALLIE: Calling me a pig. GEORGE: The point is you're not the pig any more. I am the pig. Now...I am the pig. (She walks away.) (Izzie walks past a room where the gang is sitting eating their lunch.) IZZIE: I've been waiting for you guys for half an hour in the cafeteria. Since when do we eat in a patient room? GEORGE: Izzie, meet really old guy. We found him a couple of days ago. He sleeps all the time. CHRISTINA: It's quiet. No one bothers us. What are you doing. IZZIE: I'm not doing anything. Turns out I'm literally not allowed to do anything. I knew coming back would be an adjustment. But this... CHRISTINA: No, what are you doing now? IZZIE: Eating my lunch. CHRISTINA: Okay, if you want to socialize, or talk about your day or get in a quick therapy session, go do it over there. IZZIE: Seriously? CHRISTINA: Goodbye Izzie. IZZIE: Okay... ALEX: So O'Malley, your two uteruses... GEORGE: You're on scut. Glorified plastics scut. You're in no position to mock me or my uteruses. ALEX: Any cervical changes on the ultrasound? GEORGE: Why do you care? ALEX: I don't. IZZIE: I am so glad to be back. Yay! I'm not complaining about you...you and I are fine, boss. (The old man groans in his bed and moves slightly and everyone looks around at one another.) GEORGE: I called Callie a pig. ALEX: To her face? MEREDITH: What happened to the whole corpse thing? IZZIE: I can't get over how much everything around here has changed. MEREDITH: How many times? GEORGE: Just one time. MEREDITH: I get one too then, Gin (They're playing cards. Meredith gets up and leaves.) IZZIE: What was that... with Meredith? GEORGE: We have a thing. IZZIE: You have a thing with Meredith and I don't now about it? I live with you, I see you every day. GEORGE: It's work thing. CHRISTINA: You know the point of hanging out with really old guy is that he doesn't talk. The man is sedated. This is supposed to be a quiet place. (She storms out.) IZZIE: See...change. She's changed. Everything's change. [SCENE_BREAK] MRS. BYRD: I gave the other nurse a list of his medications this morning. My husband needs his pills, he needed them hours ago! CHRISTINA: Okay, why don't you go check on his meds? NURSE: I have checked on them. CHRISTINA: Meds. Pharmacy. Now. Just... MRS. BYRD: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. CHRISTINA: It's fine. MRS. BYRD: I was never a yeller before. I've become this horrible person who yells at people who are just trying to do their job. CHRISTINA: You are just looking out for your husband. You do exactly what it takes to protect him. That does not make you horrible. That makes you smart. [SCENE_BREAK] (Christina erases Bailey's name off the board when no one is looking.) [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: She's hyperventilating. And the baby's had some brachicardia. ADDISON: Noelle I need you to get back into bed. NOELLE: Is Greg out there? Did he leave? Like really leave? GEORGE: Noelle, take deep breaths. NOELLE: I always give him such a hard time about everything. I mean, he likes weddings, I hate them He loves kids, they scare me to death. ADDISON: Have you had any cramping, any contractions, anything at all? NOELLE: I can't do this without him. We'll get past this right. I mean, we'll get past this. AH! ADDISON: All right, Noelle, I need you to get into bed. NOELLE: What's happening? ADDISON: Stay on your left side. I need slow deep breaths. [SCENE_BREAK] NANCY (at dinner with Derek): So tell me about the slutty girl. Fine, the slutty intern. DEREK: It's the slutty part I had a problem with. NANCY: Kathleen said she's not even single. DEREK: She is single. She's wonderful, she's smart, she's alot of things, but she's none of your business Nancy. NANCY: Wow...I've never seen you like this over a girl. Not even Addison. DEREK: I've never been like this over a girl, especially Addison. NANCY: Oh don't be bitter. I mean shame on Addison and all that but he's Mark, Derek. What do you expect? He's Mark. And who hasn't gone there once or twice, right? DEREK: What'd you say? NANCY: Oh come on, everyone sleeps with Mark, it's practically a right of passage. Oh I get it. I get that they made a mistake. DEREK: It wasn't a mistake. It was months. They were together for months, did you know that? NANCY: No, I had no idea. DEREK: Then shut up about it and eat your lunch. [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: Derek's sister is in town. Christina, are you mad at me or something, 'cause I've been trying to talk to you... CHRISTINA: Not everything is about you, Meredith. MEREDITH: What's going on? 'Cause George and Alex are saying... CHRISTINA: I...don't care MEREDITH: What is your problem? CHRISTINA: I have bigger things in my life right now. (Bailey notices her name missing from the humpty dumpty.) BURKE: What? CHRISTINA: Nothing. BURKE: 10 blade. GREG: Dr. O'Malley? Can you tell me what's going on in there? GEORGE: You left... she thinks you left! GREG: Look man, this is all about to digest. My little girl... she isn't even my little girl any more. GEORGE: Noelle is in there freaking out because she thinks you left. GREG: Just tell me if she is okay... please. GEORGE: She's gone into premature labor. Dr. Montgomery... is about to do an emergency c-section to stop labor on the other. GREG: So you're delivering one of the babies right now? Today? GEORGE: In just a few minutes. GREG: The boy or the girl? GEORGE: Ham or eggs? [SCENE_BREAK] MARK: You say you want a career in plastics, but you can't tear yourself away from the baby catchers long enough to show me you want it. ALEX: Being on hold with the DMV doesn't have anything to do with a career in plastics Dr. Sloan MARK: Only it does. Cause I have everything to do with your career in plastics, and I have everything to do with your career in plastics. NURSE: Tyler, Addison Montgomery needs two units of B-Positive blood in L&D STAT. (Alex hangs up with the DMV and goes to help) [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: So the biosynthetic dressings should ensure that you won't need skin grafts. And that's good. GRETCHEN: Would that take long? I mean, how long would something like that take? If I had needed them? MEREDITH: Oh that would depend on the severity of the burn. GRETCHEN: So you mean more severe than this one? It would have to be more severe. MEREDITH: Just to make sure that I have everything accurate, you burned your hand... GRETCHEN: We've been over this. MEREDITH: I'm sorry.. GRETCHEN: Look I have a test Friday and I have work to do. I want to get out of here. I'm ready to go home. IZZIE: Gretchen did you burn your hand on purpose? MEREDITH: Izzie you heard what Dr. Bailey said. IZZIE: It's okay if you did. It's just... did you... burn your hand to get out of taking your test? GRETCHEN: I can't fail that damn test one more time. I just can't. It's all anyone if my family...anyone in my life talks about. It's all I'm known for. Oh Gretchen the failure. Can you imagine failing the bar exam five times? Five times! I mean that's absurd. It's just...that's pathetic. I cannot sit for 2 1/2 solid days of testing...again...just to prove to everyone again...how pathetic I am. Now...when. IZZIE: You feel that pathetic all by yourself. [SCENE_BREAK] ADDISON: Okay, I've completed the incision. I'm going to ask you to move the top uterus to the side so I can reach the one underneath. GEORGE: Okay. ADDISON: I don't want to alarm you or make you nervous in any way, 'cause you seem like a decent person, O'Malley, but I've got about 120 seconds to get baby 1 out of uterus 1 while you're holding uterus 2. And if you so much as hiccup you could rupture uterus 2 and kill this woman's child. Just try and be careful okay? GEORGE: Okay. NURSE: Wow. Look at that. ADDISON: Amazing huh? CHRISTINA: Applying the final hemastasis suture. BURKE: Don't be afraid to. CHRISTINA: Grab a bigger piece? Got it. BURKE: Very nice Dr. Yang. CHRISTINA: Applying pressure. BURKE: Gently. (They pull a mass out of the guy's heart.) CHRISTINA: It was attached at the intraventricular septum. are you going to use a graft to repair? BURKE: Someone's been doing their homework. CHRISTINA: 4-0 Prolene please. Thank you very much Boki. ADDISON: Ready to perforate uterus 2. GEORGE: Wait, Dr. Montgomery, my baby's moving. It's really moving, I can't hold it. ADDISON: I need you to hold her still if I'm going to do the c-section. GEORGE: I know. I'm trying. What should I do? It's really moving. ADDISON: I need you to keep her still George. NURSE: You're sending her into distress. You have to get that baby to stop moving. GEORGE: How do I do that? ALEX: Talk O'Malley. (Alex moves towards the table.) GEORGE: Alex... ADDISON: Dr. Karev move away from the table. ALEX: Talk to it, to the baby to calm it down. ADDISON: Karev. GEORGE: Talk about what? ALEX: October 30, 1974, it's the fight known as Rumble in the Jungle. World heavyweight champ George Foreman is pitted against Muhammed Ali. It's his first fight in 3 1/2 years out of the ring. GEORGE: It's working ALEX: Foreman is his favorite to win. He's younger, stronger. ADDISON: Scalpel. ALEX: But he's not prepared for what Ali later called the rope-a-dope. It all starts in the second round. He comes out swinging. Ali's backed up against the ropes. [SCENE_BREAK] DEREK: That's not going to stay on. Giving it too much slack CHIEF: You're blocking my light. (He's trying to sew a button onto his shirt.) DEREK: Think of it as a basic corner stitch. CHIEF: I can figure out how to sew on my own buttons, thank you. I am a surgeon. DEREK: Right. CHIEF: Oh for God's sakes. You sew this on for me, I'll get rid of Addison and Sloan. DEREK: Really? CHIEF: No. DEREK: Well, I'll do it anyway. CHIEF: So I heard you've got a sister wandering the halls She planning on moving in too? DEREK: I hope not. CHIEF: Derek I know it's been hard for you. DEREK: He was like my brother. I have four sisters. Four very annoying sisters. Mark was my brother. It's hard. CHIEF: Divorce isn't all it's cracked up to be is it? DEREK: I just want it to be easy. Move on. CHIEF: But you're in a surprising amount of pain. DEREK: You and Adele? CHIEF: I'm sewing on a button for the first time in my life. What does that tell you? DEREK: Technically, I'm sewing. I'm just saying. [SCENE_BREAK] ALEX: Dr. Sloan MARK: Just so we're clear, you knew when you stepped into that ER that you were forfeiting your career in plastics, right? ALEX: But, Dr. Sloan... MARK: I need my phone back. [SCENE_BREAK] BURKE: Well done. You were very prepared. CHRISTINA: Yes, I'm always prepared. BURKE: I couldn't have done it without you. CHRISTINA: Thank you. BAILEY: Dr. Burke, could we have a moment alone? I just I didn't realize that you were one of them. One of the doctors who have doubts about my abilities. BURKE: Miranda, I'm not. BAILEY: My name was erased from the board. I have to assume that was you. BURKE: Dr. Bailey. BAILEY: I just...I just need to know why. I need you to tell me why you didn't want me in on your surgery. BURKE: I'm afraid I just couldn't use you. BAILEY: I understand. [SCENE_BREAK] NANCY: You should have seen the two uteruses. Unbelievable. And a cute baby to boot. DEREK: I'm glad you're enjoying your trip. NANCY: Oh Derek, I'm going. I'm on a plane back in 2 hours. DEREK: So, you're going to report back to mom that... NANCY: That you're you. Still running circles around all the women in your life. But that's to be expected with 4 sisters and a dead dad. DEREK: I'm not running circles. NANCY: Can you even remember the last time you were alone? You've never been single. I mean you're fine, but you're not happy. And you're not going to get happy until you get some space. You just need to get away. Away from Addie, away from the intern, just away. Think about what you want. DEREK: Kathleen's the shrink Nancy, not you. NANCY: I gotta go. DEREK: Nancy, thanks for flying out here. It was... thanks [SCENE_BREAK] GRETCHEN: Where are we going again. MEREDITH: We need to go upstairs. GRETCHEN: OK. Wait. Wait. Where are we? MEREDITH: We're on the psychiatric floor Gretchen. We need to place you on a 72 hour hold. GRETCHEN: No I'm not crazy! I'm going home MEREDITH: Gretchen. GRETCHEN: No I just need to go home, Please? IZZIE: You know you're just going to hurt yourself again. Isn't that your plan? So that you won't have to take the bar exam? You need some help Gretchen. If the idea of taking an exam makes you hold the palm of your hand to a burner... you need some help. Everyone needs help from time to time. To make sure they're okay, they're ready. I have that. And you need that right now. (She consents.) GRETCHEN: I'm not crazy. IZZIE: I know. GRETCHEN: Just didn't want to fail. IZZIE: I know. [SCENE_BREAK] NOELLE: What happened? Did everything go okay? Are my babies okay? ADDISON: The surgery went very well. You have a healthy baby boy. And the labor stopped on our little girl. She's going to be just fine. NOELLE: And Greg? Has Greg come back yet? ADDISON: No, Noelle. I'm sorry. Greg isn't here. (She passes back out.) ADDISON: I want an update every half hour. NOELLE: What happened? My babies? ADDISON: Are just fine Noelle. You're just coming out of anaesthesia. NOELLE: Is Greg back yet. ADDISON: I'm sorry noel he's not here. (She slips away again.) (To George) And be sure to alert me to any fetal distress. NOELLE: What happened? ADDISON: Your babies are fine Noelle, everything is okay. NOELLE: Is Greg back yet? GREG (at the door): I'm right here. NOELLE: Hi. GREG: Hi. I saw our son. He's amazing. But how's our little girl? [SCENE_BREAK] MARK: You look like you could use a little cheering up. CALLIE: Not from you. MARK: If I recall I was pretty good at cheering you up. One... two... yep three cheerful times. CALLIE: Dirty. It was not cheerful, it was dirty. And like I said, no. (Alex is listening in.) [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: So your sister really doesn't like me. DEREK: Sorry. It's just... she's from the East Coast. MEREDITH: Well I... DEREK: I should have called. MEREDITH: But you didn't. DEREK: I want us to work it's just...It's complicated. I think I need a little time to.. MEREDITH: Take some space. DEREK: Yeah. To clear my head. MEREDITH: Yeah. Okay. Okay. DEREK: Okay. MEREDITH: (VO) There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment, and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp. Commitments are complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to make. True commitment, takes effort, and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes, we have to learn the hard way, to choose our commitments very carefully.
doc_121	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Clay : Where to? Quinn : Your place. Nathan : Clay, Quinn is Haley's sister. She has a lot going on right now. Stay away from her. Brooke : You were a huge hit last night. They think you're amazing. Millicent : You don't think I look like "a frumpy whore on bingo night?" Brooke : No! If I did, would I ask you to model full time? Brooke : Honey, I'm home. Let's do this. Alex : I told you it was realistic. Julian : Hey, honey. Alex and I worked everything out. Alex : Isn't that great? Dan : "Nathan Scott: a basketball star's love child." Rachel : Like father, like son, huh? Haley : She's just so certain. You don't remember meeting her at all or...? Nathan : You're actually starting to believe her, aren't you? Dan : I heard about your problem. I was wondering if I could... Nathan : You could what, help? You save your help for people who don't know you and stay away from me and my family. Renee cell phone : You've reached Renee. Leave a message. Dan : I trust you had a nice flight. I have a proposition for you. AT THE RECORDING STUDIO Director : Okay, folks. That's a wrap! Nathan : Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Um, we, uh... we haven't even shot anything yet. Director : You might want to call your agent, son. Nathan : You're serious? Hey! Whoa. Kylie : What a pity. I just found my motivation. Nathan : Okay. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : Hey. Julian : Mm. Brooke : This hot body of yours has just inspired me to do something that I've never done before. Julian : Oh, yeah? Brooke : Yeah. And it's gonna take a lot of hard work, and it's gonna take a long, long time. And I'm gonna need you to start by taking your pants off. Julian : Oh, that sounds amazing. But Alex is coming over to work. Brooke : Ugh! You two were up half the night. Julian : It's all business, Brooke. I don't know. She seems to have really come around. I Brooke : don't buy it. Once a ho bag, always a ho bag. Julian : Now, as I recall, you... Brooke : You might want to consider what you are about to say very carefully. Now come kiss me till ho bag shows up. ON THE BEACH Quinn : Hey. Clay : Hey. Quinn : You're up early. Clay : My shot at peace and quiet... the west coast wakes up in three hours, and my phone starts ringing. Quinn : Nice. Clay : Did you come down for a swim? Quinn : Yeah, I tried but, uh, couldn't. I've been afraid of the ocean since I was a little girl. Clay : Mm. Sharks. Quinn : Immensity. You know, I thought if I just threw myself in and... Well... it didn't quite work out. Clay : You should start smaller, like a toe. Work up to an ankle, maybe even a shin. Who knows? Quinn : Yeah, I'm more of a "yank the band-aid" kind of girl. Clay : Wait. Quinn : Go. It's fine. Clay : Hey, man. Oh, just relax, all right? I... Okay, I'll get into it. Yeah, fine. I'll meet you at your place. Oh... Quinn : Time to find a phone booth and change into that super-agent costume. Clay : Yeah, if only it were that easy. Um, I hate to run, but... Quinn : Go. Save the day. Clay : Okay. See ya. AT ALEX HOTEL ROOM Millicent : Oh, no. Oh... no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. I never called Marvin! Alex : Keep it down, Giselle. I'm trying to write. Besides, I thought you were mad at him. Millicent : I was "ignore him for a couple of hours" mad, not "disappear for the second night in a row" mad. Alex : Well, you can thank me later, but you were way drunk, so I texted him from your phone and let him know you were safe. Millicent : "Melvin... got my drink on with Alex. If you're done being a tool, you should come rock out with your co..." Oh, my God. Alex : Nope, just little old me. But I do work in mysterious ways. AT THE CHANGING ROOM Renee : So you want me to go on your show and tell the world my story? Dan : That's right. Renee : And you're gonna be on my side? Why would you do that? Nathan's your son. It could ruin him. Dan : But you're the one telling the truth. AT SCOTT' S HOUSE Haley : You're not telling the truth. Nathan : About what? Haley : Renee. You said you didn't know her and you didn't remember her. Nathan : I don't. Haley, we've been through this. Why can't you just believe me? Haley : Her number is all over your old cell phone bill. Nathan! Excuse me... why aren't you explaining yourself? Nathan : Because I shouldn't have to. But if you insist... I'm a professional basketball player. Girls get a hold of my e-mail, my telephone number. They try to contact me. And when they do, I reply to them and tell them to stop because I'm happily married to a woman who loves and trusts me. So I guess I did lie, Haley... but only when I told them that my wife trusts me. AT THE APPARTMENT Millicent : Marvin. Mouth : Don't you mean "Melvin"? Millicent : Please don't be mad even though you have every right to be. Alex called me after she left Julian's, and I was kind of already drinking because I thought you didn't think I was pretty enough to be a model. Mouth : When did I say you weren't pretty enough? Of course you're pretty enough. Millicent : Then maybe we could skip the whole fight and you could just be really excited for me, because... it's official... you're looking at the newest face of Clothes Over Bros! Oh, well, not this face. But once it's cleaned up with a little makeup... Mouth : Congratulations, Millie. I just wish I was the one you wanted to celebrate with. Anyway, you'll understand if I can't stay and rock out with my... Millicent : Marvin! That was Alex. Mouth : Of course it was. Well, at least she texted me. I got to go. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Clay : This situation's like a war, Nate. We're gonna lose a few battles. Nathan : Just stop with the metaphors and tell me what the hell happened this morning. Haley : Simile. What? Similes use "like" or "as"... "like a war." Clay : Guys. We lost the rainstorm body spray campaign, And it looks like the shoe deal's going away. Nathan : What? Clay : Temporarily. Nathan : This is unbelievable. Clay : I know it feels like the sky is falling, but when something like this goes down, marketing executives distance themselves to protect their brands. All right, almost always, they come back as soon as the air clears. Nathan : "Almost always"? Clay : Look, we knew there was a risk when we decided not to deal with Renee, but it has become a bit of an issue with the Bobcats. Nathan : They don't want me back? Clay : No, you are far too talented for that, but they're using it to their advantage, and negotiations have slowed. Again, like I said, we expected this. More importantly, Nate, the whole agency's on this, all right? Everybody respects your decision to fight this, and we've got your back. You just got to have some faith in us... and in each other. Haley : Clay. He's gonna have a career when this is over, right? Clay : Haley, I'm not gonna let anything happen to him. Haley : Because you didn't see how dark he got the first time. Clay : Look, this is a staring contest. Our best chance at having her blink first is if the press gets tired of this and nobody makes this story any bigger than it already is. AT THE TV BROADCAST Dan : I'm gonna make this story huge. But you don't trust me. I'd have to hate my son to tell your story, right? You're smart. I like that. That means my grandchild will be smart. Well, I was in Nathan's situation once. I refused to recognize a child that I'd fathered, and it was the second-worst mistake I ever made, but I made it in part because nobody forced me to look at the consequences of my actions. By coming out in support of you and allowing you to tell your story, I'll be forcing Nathan to take responsibility... if not emotionally, then at least financially. Renee : He'll never forgive you. Dan : Hmm. I've made my peace with that. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Millicent : There she is. I know... I'm late again, and we still haven't finished... Calliope : The inventory. I also found that shipment that went missing in New Mexico, balanced the register from yesterday, and took the liberty of ordering some Bellissimo fabrics from Milan. You're gonna love them. Brooke : I can't wait. Isn't she amazing? Millicent : Um, I guess, but that's my job. Brooke : Not anymore, miss thing. The fashion blogs are still buzzing about you. You are officially a model. Your only job now is to worry about being pretty. You... you might want to worry just a smidge more. Millicent : I know. I was out late. And, Brooke, I am excellent at multitasking, and I'd be happy to keep my administrative responsibilities. Brooke : Nonsense. I am not gonna have the new face of my company doing dirty work. Now off you go. Do whatever models do in their spare time. Just be back this afternoon for a swimsuit fitting. Millicent : Swimsuits? Brooke : Mm. Millicent : Wow. Okay. I mean... great! Brooke : Oh... Welcome to Clothes Over Bros. AT MOUTH'S WORK Mouth : Hey, man, how you doing? Man : I'm doing better than Nathan Scott. I mean, that dude can't catch a break. Mouth : What do you mean? Man : You haven't checked the board. Oh, God, Mouth... He's losing his endorsements. Sports is breaking the story tonight at 6:00. Mouth : If Charlie asks for me, tell him I'm... I'll be back later. ON THE BEACH Quinn : Clay! Hey. Clay : Hey. Quinn : What, did you run into some kryptonite? You need a friend? Clay : You have no idea. Quinn : Come on. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Alex : Seriously, you've been reading forever. Look, some of it's supposed to be funny. You're not laughing. You're not even smiling. Julian : Maybe I'm laughing on the inside. Alex : Are you? You're not. You're like, "wow, does she suck," on the inside. You're like, "she..." Julian : This is good. Alex : Like "I hate it, But there's a story in there somewhere" good? Julian : No. These scenes are genuinely good... sweet, subtle, funny. Where did this come from? Alex : Well, I woke up, and I was watching Millicent sleep. And she was, like, totally busted. So I asked myself what it would be like if I was that tragic, with, like, no self-confidence. And then I just added a boy. Julian : Who are you? Alex : Stick around. Maybe you'll find out. Julian : Unfortunately, I can't stick around, because you are three hours late, and I have to meet Brooke for lunch. Alex : Oh! Come on. Tell her we're on a roll. Julian : Um, no. She's already a little jealous of our working relationship, but maybe we can meet back up tonight. Alex : It's a date. Julian : No. Alex : Date-ish? Julian : Work. Alex : Work... date. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : We can still pay her. Nathan : For what? The story's already out there. Haley : For a retraction. The money she wants is a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of your career. Nathan : It's too late for that. Haley : Nathan, you're being stubborn, and I know I was against it at first, but if she were to get out there and say that this whole thing has been a lie... Nathan : We're not paying her, Haley! We're not giving this woman a dime of our money. ON THE BEACH Quinn : You're really worried about this. Clay : There's just so much riding on it. Quinn, I'm not in Tree Hill for a vacation. A while back, I went off the rails a bit... emotionally, and... luckily I had earned enough capital with the agency that they didn't fire me. They just scaled back my client roster and suggested I spend the summer here... pull myself together. Quinn : And then Nathan's scandal happened. So the calm, cool exterior... Clay : ... is kind of a lie. Quinn : Just when I was beginning to wonder if we had anything in common. Clay : Quinn, I shouldn't be here. Nathan doesn't want us hanging out, and I, uh, I have to respect that. Quinn : No, look, Clay... Clay : I'm sorry. Uh, thank you for this. I mean that. You're really great. Quinn : Stick around. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke : Chase... What brings you in? Chase : Hey. Uh, just doing a little shopping for Mia. Brooke : Ohh. You guys have been together a long time. Chase : Mm-hmm. What about you? I heard Julian moved here. That must be... awesome. Brooke : Uh-huh. Chase : Or not so awesome? Brooke : No. It's amazing. I'm just a little annoyed because at first I had him all to myself, and lately he has been working with one of my models. Chase : Mm. Well, I wouldn't worry. I'm sure it's harmless. I mean, guys, you know, don't even really... like... models. Brooke : What are you doing today? Chase : That depends on why you're looking at me like a piece of steak. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Mouth : I would have offered to spot you, but I max out at like 180... ish. Nathan : You know, I don't believe in killing the messenger, Mouth, but every time I've seen you lately, it's been bad news. Mouth : They're running a story at 6:00 that says you're losing your endorsements. Is it true? Nathan : Yeah. Mouth : I'm sorry, Nate. Nathan : Yeah, me too. I heard about your demotion. How long are they gonna keep you locked up in the basement? Mouth : The truth? Till I do a story on you. Nathan : Then do the story, Mouth. Mouth : Nate... Nathan : I'm serious, Mouth. You've already done far more than I could ever ask. Take care of your career. AT THE BAR Alex : And then he finally looks up, and he's like, "after reading this, I think we should be in a relationship." Millicent : He said that... "relationship"? Alex : Well, I mean, he put "working" in front of it, but a relationship is a relationship. Millicent : Except in a working relationship, you never, under any circumstances, no matter how tempted you are, have s*x with the other person. You're aware of that, right? Alex : I think that's sort of a gray area. Millicent : It's actually black-and-white, crystal-clear, written in stone. Alex : Fine, crabby. Whatever! Millicent : Sorry. It's just Brooke's my friend, even if she did give my job to Calliope. Alex : Tell me you are not regretting your decision. This modelling stuff is awesome. I mean, it's hard work, but it's "pretty people" work. Millicent : I don't know. I was good at my job. Alex : Administrative work is for fatties, Millicent, and you are not a fatty. You... are a plus-size model. ON THE STREET Renee : I take it you looked at Nathan's phone bill. Haley : If I pay you, what do I get? Renee : I go away. Haley : No, I'm sorry. That's not good enough. I want a retraction. I want a public letter that says this whole thing has been a lie. Renee : Fine, if that's what will help you sleep at night, but it won't be the truth. And the price has gone up... $250,000. Haley : That's crazy. Renee : Actually, that's the estimated price of raising your husband's child until the age of 18. Do we have a deal? I'll tell you what. You can have until 8:00 tonight to decide. After that, I have other options. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Julian : Brooke! Hello! Brooke : One sec. Got it. Julian : Can I borrow you? Brooke : Mmm. Julian : Want to tell me why you were mounting your ex-boyfriend in the back room? Brooke : Because you weren't available. Julian : Very funny. Brooke : I'm serious. This morning I looked over at this big, sexy body, and I thought to myself, "why aren't you making men's clothes, Brooke Davis?" Julian : Mm-hmm. Clothes for Bros? Brooke : Ka-ching! But in order to make men's clothes, you need a fit model for measurements. You were my first choice, but, alas... Julian : I was busy with Alex. I get it. Well, I'm here now, and I'm all about taking my clothes off for you in the back room, so you can send your little boy toy packing. Brooke : You're very sweet, but I think I'm gonna stick with Chase. I'm already halfway through his measurements. But don't worry, baby. We're all business. Hey, Chase, break's over! Drop your pants. AT MOUTH'S WORK Mouth : I want back on the air. I obviously have an opinion, but at the end of the day, I work for you. CEO : You are aware of what's on the board for tonight? Mouth : Yeah, Nathan Scott's losing his endorsements. I took the liberty of getting a quote from him. CEO : Nice work. Glad to hear you've come around. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : Don't. It's the press. They've been calling all day. Quinn : Beat it, nerds. Nathan : Thanks. Quinn : You're welcome. And as a favor, it would be great if you wouldn't give Clay such a hard time about hanging out with me. I'm not a child anymore, Nathan. Nathan : Are you sure about that? Quinn : What's that supposed to mean? Nathan : I don't know. Running away from your problems just doesn't seem very adult. Quinn : Says the guy who's afraid to answer the telephone. Nathan : Look... if you want to sleep around, I'm sure there's plenty of guys in Tree Hill who aren't responsible for my career that could probably help you out with that. Quinn : You ever hear the one about people who live in glass houses? Nathan : Yeah, I have. And if you don't like living in mine, you'll welcome to move back in with your husband. Quinn : Nice, Nathan. You know, speaking of running away from your problems, maybe you should try answering one of those, coward. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Alex : I know you love to say zero is not a size, but technically zero is my size, and those are granny panties. Brooke : These are a zero. Alex : Really? My diet pills must be working. Millicent : Your vitamins? Brooke : What? Alex : Oh, right. Vitamins. Brooke : Okay. Whatever. I'll... see if I can take these in. Alex : Great. Oh, and speaking of my perfect ass, I understand from Julian you might be a little concerned about our relationship. Millicent : Working relationship. Alex : You have nothing to worry about... Seriously. I mean, I stripped naked, and that boy didn't even flinch. He is clearly so in love with you. AT THE BAR Mia : Well, you're not Chase. Julian : If only Mia : I asked the waitress if there was a tall, dark, and handsome boy waiting for his date. She pointed me here. Julian : Sorry to disappoint, but your "tall, dark, and handsome" is getting naked with my "short, hot, and bossy." Mia : Huh? Julian : He's doing some fit modeling for Brooke at Clothes Over Bros. It's harmless. I hope. Hey, can I ask you something? Mia : Lose the shirt. Julian : I'll go get a tape measure. No, actually, it's about being a songwriter. Do you ever meet people on tour that surprise you with their talent? I mean, uh... You know, somebody who seems simple or goofy or even ditzy, and then... bam... All of a sudden, they write this amazing song? Mia : Hi. I'm Mia. Julian : No, you're not like that at all. Mia : Maybe not, but I used to be really shy. And I think sometimes all somebody needs is someone to look a little deeper... unlock their potential, like Haley did with me. Julian : Hmm. Mia : Was that answer worth lunch? 'Cause I'm kind of starving. Julian : On me. AT TV BROADCAST Rachel : Baby, you are a genius. The interest in the interview with Renee is off the charts. Dan : You're not having second thoughts, are you? Rachel : Dan, Nathan had a chance to take responsibility for this child, and he chose not to. Giving this girl a voice is the right thing to do. Dan : Well, we don't have a show unless Renee agrees, and I haven't heard from her since this morning. Rachel : Mm. You just leave that up to me. Dan : It doesn't matter where I go, you always seem to find me. Rachel : I just follow all the other girls. They lead me right to you. Dan : It hasn't been easy lately. Rachel : Then I guess it's a good thing I'm here. Dan : How'd you like to stay the night tonight? Like old times. Rachel : Well... that's up to you, isn't it? AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : I called Renee. Nathan : What? Haley : She said for $250,000, she would sign a retraction. Nathan : Amazing... The economy's crumbling, and the truth keeps getting more expensive. Haley : Well, she's willing to say this whole thing was a lie, so... Nathan : You willing to believe it? Haley : I didn't come out here to ask for your permission, Nathan. I came here to tell you that I'm paying her. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Chase : Are you okay? Brooke : No, I'm not okay! Ho bag got naked in front of Julian! Chase : "Ho bag"? Brooke : Alex "my butt is the size of a kumquat" Dupre. Chase : She is so manipulative and materialistic and self-serving and naked and... Brooke-ish? Brooke : What did you say? Chase : Nothing. Brooke : Funny, I could have sworn that I heard you speak. Chase : I meant she just seems a little bit like you were in high school. Brooke : Huh. Chase : She always wanted high-school Brooke. Can I put my pants back on now? I'll take that as a yes. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Girl : You blame yourself for Nathan's troubles. Clay : I wasn't a great influence... the girls, the parties. Girl : Do you think he did it? Clay : No. Girl : Then stop blaming yourself and fix it. Clay : Stay the night. I miss this. Girl : Is that what you want? Clay : That's what I need. AT TV Mouth : Nathan Scott is Tree Hill local who overcame injury and adversity to achieve a dream he had since childhood... a dream to play professional basketball. But lately Nathan's career has taken a backseat to allegations of an affair that led to the pregnancy of a fan. In my opinion, continuing to report on these allegations without any further evidence of their validity is a reckless attempt on the part of this network to boost ratings. Now, I'm not saying athletes are above the law. I'm saying it's up to science to determine the validity of these claims, not the evening news. To date, there has been no new evidence to suggest that Nathan Scott is guilty of these allegations, and yet he looks guiltier the more that we report on him. AT ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM Millicent : Sorry. I think I left my camera in your bathroom. For my part, Mouth : I got into sports news because I think reporting on athletes inspires people to be exceptional. And while I've never been an exceptional athlete, I can strive to be exceptional in my own way... by refusing to bow to pressure, by refusing to stoop to a level that's beneath me, just like Nathan Scott has refused to. Millicent : Found it! Mouth : I believe in Nathan Scott. But I also believe in my viewers. I believe you don't want any part in dragging him through the mud. So if you want Sports news and not gossip, turn the channel. Let my boss know that news isn't just about ratings. It's about people and integrity, but mostly it's about truth, and that still means something. I am Marvin McFadden, and this is Sports. Or at least... it used to be. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : Her retraction at this point won't change anyone's opinion. Haley : It might. Nathan : They'll all just assume we paid her off, and we will have, which will just make us look even more guilty. But you know this, Haley, which... makes me think the only reason you have left to pay her off is that you're starting to believe she might be telling the truth. Haley, if I'm guilty of this... not only am I the kind of guy that would cheat on you, I'm the kind of guy that would father a child and then turn his back. I'm Dan Scott. If you think I'm capable of that, you do what you have to do, but I guarantee you, if you've lost faith in me, all the money in the world isn't gonna fix it. Quinn : Yeah? Nathan : You're all right? Quinn : No. But it's okay. If I was, I'd be a pretty lousy person. Nathan : I'm sorry about earlier. It's just been... Quinn : I know. I'm sorry that woman's lying about you. I know you'd never hurt Haley like that. And you're not a coward. If anyone's a coward, it's me. I'm not running away from my problems, Nathan. I'm walking away from something that's broken. And that doesn't mean that I'm not scared. I just don't know how to let him go. Nathan : I guess you do it a little bit at a time. You're welcome to stay here under our roof for as long as it takes, though. Quinn : Thank you. AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Chase : Wow. A candle it pool-table-top picnic dinner. What's the occasion? Mia : I figured my man was gonna be hungry after spending the day modeling for his ex-girlfriend. She get all your measurements? Chase : All but one. Mia : Oh, yeah? What'd she miss? Chase : How much I love my girlfriend. Mia : She forgot the most important measurement of all? Chase : She didn't forget. She just didn't have a tape measure big enough. Mia : Always with the best answers. Chase : Always with the best lips. AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Mouth : If you ask it who's the fairest of them all, I'm out. Whoa, hey. That was a joke. Millie, I'm not mad anymore, okay? Last night was my fault. I shouldn't have been so... Millicent : I think I made a mistake, Marvin. I don't know if I want this. Mouth : Then why'd you say yes? Millicent : Because it made me feel special. I mean, I felt competent at my old job. I felt smart and capable and reliable, but I never felt special. Mouth : I think... you're the most special girl I've ever met. Millicent : Thank you, Marvin. But that night, it was like the whole world believed I was special. But who am I kidding? I'm not a model. I'm just Millicent. Mouth : Come here. Millicent : What are you doing? Mouth : Funny... you are definitely the same girl who rocked the fashion industry' world the other night, and she was a model. Have you been through any drastic changes in the last 48 hours? Millicent : No. Mouth : Hmm. Then, uh... unless I'm mistaken, you're still a model. And if modeling makes you feel special, then you should do it, 'cause you deserve to feel that way. You deserve to feel special every second of every day. AT ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM Julian : All right, I'll explain this in a minute. Alex : Take your time. I am happy to watch. You work. I am happy to watch you work. It's very interesting and work-ish. I'm gonna get that. Brooke. Come in. Brooke : Thanks. This'll just take a second. You're fired. Alex : I have a contract. Brooke : I'll pay you out. It's worth the loss. Alex : This is so unnecessary. Julian and I have a working relationship. That means no "doing it." Brooke : Maybe. But it's recently been brought to my attention that the way you behave is a lot like high-school me used to, and I would be insane to let high-school me anywhere near the man I love. The man I love, who shouldn't even think about sleeping anywhere but the couch tonight. Julian : I'm sorry. What did I do? Brooke : What you didn't do is tell me that ho bag got naked for you. Julian : Oh, that. Brooke : Yeah, that. You... couch. You... fired. Ciao, bitches. Alex : You can sleep here if you want. AT THE CHANGING ROOM Rachel : Thanks for meeting me. Have a seat. I know it must be hard to believe That Dan's gonna put you on the air and let you speak freely about how awful his son has been to you. Renee : You could say that. Rachel : There's something I think you should know. When Dan heard about you, he reached out to Nathan, and Nathan shut him down, just like he always does. Renee : So? Rachel : So Dan isn't doing this to help Nathan see the light. He's doing this to bury Nathan. And the deeper Nathan is buried, the more money he'll have to pay you to dig himself out. So... will you do the show? Renee : Okay. I'm in. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : I didn't do it. I couldn't. Nathan : That's what sets you apart from her. It's one of a thousand reasons why I could never, under any circumstances, cheat on you. Haley : I don't want to see you lose your... your dream. Nathan : Lose her? She's right here. And I'm never letting go of her.
doc_122	[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. The scene starts where we took off in the last episode with Ross seeing Joey and Rachel kissing. Rosss tares at them.] Joey: Okay, Ross, I realise that you didn't expect to walk in and see that, but.. Let me explain, okay? Rachel: We weren't doing anything! Joey: Rach, he just saw us. Rachel: Shhh. Joey: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss. Rachel: No, come on, that is a lie. We also kissed in Barbados. Joey (to Rachel): Dude, chill! (to Ross) Okay, we also kissed in Barbados, but we didn't plan it, okay? And the only reason that that happened was because I saw you kissing Charlie. Rachel: Yeah, you started it! I've got to chill. Joey: Look, we probably should have talked to you about this before it ever happened, but.. Rachel: We feel so terrible about this, Ross. Joey: Yeah, but it did happen, so... (Ross looks shocked and says nothing.) Joey: Ross? Rachel: Ross? (to Joey) Can we just close the door? OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Continued from earlier.] Rachel: Ross, say something. Anything. Ross: So you two are..? Joey and Rachel: Yeah. Ross: And have you .. ed? Joey: No, no, no! Rachel: No, no, no! Ross: But if I hadn't walked in here, would you..? Joey: Probably. (Rachel looks at him.) Joey: No, no! Rachel: Ross, this is not how we wanted you to find out about this. You have every right to go nuts. Ross: I'm not going nuts. Do you see me go nuts? Rachel: No, but you know what I mean. Ross: Hey, hey, hey... If you two are happy, then I'm happy for you. (Squeaky.) I'm fine! Joey: Really? Ross: Absolutely. (Very Squeaky.) I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, (deep voice) I'm fine. I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised to see you guys kissing. I mean, at first I was like.. (Screams.) But now that I've had time to absorb it; Lovin' this. Joey: Ross.. Ross: It's all working out! Me & Charlie, and you two. You know what we should do? Rachel: Calm ourselves? Ross: No. We should all have dinner. Yes, we'll do it tomorrow night. I'll cook!! Joey: Look, don't you think that will be a little weird? Ross: Weird? What? What's weird? The only thing weird would be if someone didn't like Mexican food, because I'm making fajitas!! (Storms off.) Joey: I do like fajitas. [Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler are there. They have lots of brochures about adoption in front of them.] Monica: God, this adoption stuff is so overwhelming. There's inter-country adoption, dependency adoption.. There are so many ways to go, and this is like the biggest decision of our lives. Chandler: There's a hair in my coffee. (Phoebe enters.) Phoebe: Hey guys! Monica: Hey. Phoebe: Hey, have you seen Frank Jr., 'cause he's meeting me here with the triplets. Chandler: You know, it's funny. Every time you say "triplets," I immediately think of three hot blonde 19-year olds. (Monica glares at him.) Monica: That's sweet. Drink your hair. Phoebe: Hey, what's all this stuff? Monica: Oh, they're brochures from different adoption agencies. Phoebe: Ooh, babies! Oh, this one is so cute, get this one! Monica: That's not really how it works. Phoebe: Oh, how does it work? Monica: I don't know! Phoebe: Well, if you're having a hard time, you should talk to my friends, Bill and Colleen. They adopted a kid. I'm sure they'd help you. Monica: Thanks, that would be great. Hey, honey, wouldn't that be great? (Chandler looks like he did the time he swallowed the toy in 605 TOW Joey's Porsche. It's the hair in his coffee.) (Frank Jr. and the triplets enter.) Frank Jr.: Alright, alright, alright. Remember what we talked about. When we're in a public place, there are certain rules. (The triplets scream and run amok in the coffeehouse.) Frank Jr.: That's not what we talked about!! Phoebe: Hey! Frank Jr.: Hey. Phoebe: Good to see you. Frank Jr.: Good to see you, too. Monica: Hi Frank. Frank Jr.: Hi, how you doin'? Monica: Oh, my goodness, they've all gotten so big! (Little Chandler is pulling Chandler's sweater, while Leslie is throwing bagels at him.) Monica: Which one is which again? Frank Jr.: Oh, that's Frank Jr. Jr. pulling the tampons out of the lady's purse. And that's Chandler climbing on Chandler, and that's Leslie throwing bagels at him. Monica (reads a form in her lap): "Willing to adopt triplets?" No! [Scene: The hallway in Ross's building. Joey and Rachel are on their way to Ross's dinner.] Joey: Ah, can I just say I know we're doing this for Ross, and that's cool, but if it was up to me, this is not what we'd be doing on our first date. Rachel: Well, what would we be doing? Joey: I'd take you out for a romantic night. Some champagne, fancy dinner, feel you up on the carriage ride home... Rachel: Feel me up? Joey: In a carriage! (Charlie walks up to them.) Joey: Hey, Charlie! Rachel: Hey. Charlie: Hi, hi. So.. Dreading this? Rachel: Oh, you bet. (Joey sees that she's carrying a small red bag.) Joey: So, did you bring a little something for Ross? Charlie: Actually.. It's stuff you left at my apartment. Joey: Oh. Oh, thanks. Charlie: And you know, you can just give me my stuff whenever you want. Joey: Yeah, I didn't throw any of that out.. (They enter Ross's apartment. Ross is already quite hyper.) Ross: I thought I heard voices! Hi Charlie! (Kisses her.) Hi Joey. (Hugs him.) And.. Oh! You're gonna have to introduce me to your new girlfriend. (Laughs.) I'm just kidding, I know Rachel, I know. (He squeezes her hand.) Come, please come in. Come in. Rachel: Okay, well, we brought you some wine. Ross: Oh! That is so thoughtful. (To Joey.) She's a keeper. And what did you bring me? (Grabs the bag that Charlie brought for Joey.) Joey: Uh, actually, that's.. Ross: Underwear, a toothbrush, and Van Halen CD. I can use all these things!! Charlie: Gosh, Ross, you know, you seem a little... Ross: What? Fine? Because I am! Aren't you? Aren't you? Aren't you? You see? Who else is fine? Joey: Okay, listen, hey, Ross. Why don't you try to relax, okay? Maybe have a drink. Ross: You know what? That is a very good idea. I'm gonna go make a pitcher of Margaritas. (Does a Mexican dancing-thing before going to the kitchen.) [Scene: Central Perk. Frank Jr., Phoebe and the triplets are there. The triplets are now sleeping on top of each other on the couch.] Phoebe: Oh, god. So adorable. Look at them sleeping there like angels. Frank Jr.: Yeah, I really cherish these moments, 'cause before you know it, they're gonna be awake again. Phoebe: Well, they may be a handful, but they're so cute. Frank Jr.: Yeah. Phoebe: Oh, god, the last time I babysat them, they did the funniest thing.. Frank Jr.: I haven't slept in four years! Phoebe: That's a, that's a long time. Frank Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three! Phoebe: Yeah, I know, Frank. I counted them when they were coming out of my area. Frank Jr.: Sometimes I think that.. Oh, no, no, no, I can't say it, it's too horrible. No. Phoebe: What? Frank Jr.: No, I can't. Phoebe: Oh my god, Frank, are you thinking of leaving? Because I didn't have those triplets so you could just run out on them! Frank Jr.: Oh, no! I would never do that. No. I just was thinking that, you know, maybe you could take one. Phoebe: What?! You can't separate them! That's terrible. Which one? [Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler and Monica enter.] Monica: Thank you so much for seeing us. Phoebe has told us such great things about you guys. Colleen: Oh, please, we're happy to help. Bill: We went through the same thing when we were adopting. Chandler: So, a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh? (Bill and Colleen look shocked.) Chandler: I mean, you have a lovely home. Monica: Well, we appreciate anything you can tell us. Colleen: Well, actually, I think this might help. (She gives Monica a big binder that's perfectly in order.) Colleen: It's pretty much all the information you need. Monica: Oh my god! Colleen: Everything is broken down into categories, and then cross-referenced, and then colour-coded to correspond with the forms in the back. Monica: Thank you. (To Chandler.) I think I just had a tiny orgasm. Bill: I know the process is frustrating, but it's so worth it. Adopting Owen was the best thing that ever happened to us. Chandler: That's great. (To Monica.) Can I see the book? (Monica looks at him.) Chandler: You want me to wash my hands first, don't you? Monica: It's.. It's just so pretty and white. Colleen: The bathroom is down the hall, to your left. (Chandler leaves.) Colleen: I would have told him to do it too. Monica: Can I adopt you? (Cut to the hall. Owen is wearing his scout-uniform and is looking through a box when Chandler walks up to him.) Chandler: Hey, you must be Owen. Owen: Yeah. Chandler: I'm Chandler. Hey, I was in the scouts too. Owen: You were? Chandler: Yeah, in fact my father was a den-mother. Owen: Huh? Chandler: You know how to use a compass? Owen: I have a badge in it. Chandler: You do? That's fantastic! Owen: You wanna see it? Chandler: I'd love to, but I gotta get back to talking to your parents. They're telling us all about how they adopted you. Owen: What?!? Chandler: What? Owen: I'm adopted? (Chandler tries to come up with a good answer.) Chandler: I got nothing. [Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is totally wasted, but he's still drinking all the margaritas.] Ross: The first batch of margaritas was not so great, but the second batch is gooooood. Rachel: Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some. Ross: Oh, guys, this is fun, isn't it? You know? Just the four of us. Just hangin'. Joey: Dude, are you okay? And when are the fajitas gonna be ready? Ross: I'm fine! Hey, I'm great! I'm just.. I'm just proud of us. There's no weirdness, no tension. Rachel: No awareness. Ross: We make a great foursome. We should do more stuff together. Ooh! Let's take a trip. Okay, where do you think we - we can go? (The oven timer pings in the kitchen.) Ross: My fajitas!! (He runs off to the kitchen.) Rachel: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this. Charlie: Oh, you know what? This is nothing. My father is a raging alcoholic. (Joey and Rachel don't know how to respond to that.) Charlie: Oh, I'm sorry, have I made this evening uncomfortable? (Ross enters carrying a frying pan with fajitas - without any oven mitts.) Ross: Fajitas! Be careful, very hot plate, very hot plate!! Rachel: Ross, you don't even have oven mitts on! (Ross laughs.) Ross: That is gonna hurt tomorrow! [Scene: Central Perk. Frank Jr., Phoebe and the triplets are there. Continued from earlier.] Phoebe: Okay, well, this is crazy. Can't seriously be talking about me taking one of your kids, can we? Frank Jr.: No, of course we're not. Phoebe: Insane. Frank Jr.: I know. Phoebe: Alice would never go for it, right? Frank Jr.: Oh, I don't know, she's pretty tired, too, I think we've got her onboard. Phoebe: Well, just you know, for argument's sake, you know, hypothetically. Which one would you be willing to give up? Frank Jr.: Huh. Phoebe: Frank Jr.Jr.? Frank Jr.: Oh, you'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day he made up this joke. Phoebe: Uh-huh. Frank Jr.: What's green and says "hey, I'm a frog"? A talking frog! (Laughs.) Oh, no, you can't have him, he's too funny. Phoebe: Well, alright, that's fine. What about Leslie? Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no. Not Leslie. No, she's, she's the only one that knows how to burp the alphabet. Phoebe: Alright, so that leaves Chandler. Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no, you can't have Chandler, no. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor.. Phoebe: Wow, Frank. I think we just ran out of kids. Frank Jr.: Oh, I think you're right. Oh, wow. Phoebe, I don't think I can give one of them up. I mean, you know, they drive me crazy, but they're my babies. Phoebe: I'm sorry, Frank. I didn't realise things were so bad. You know, I'll help out more. I can - I can babysit any time you want. You name the day, and I'll be there. Frank Jr.: How about tomorrow? Phoebe: Well, that's not good. But you know, I can move some stuff around, and I'll be there. You and Alice just take the whole day together. Frank Jr.: You'd do that for us? Phoebe: Are you kidding? That's what sisters are for. Frank Jr. (looks at the triplets): Look at them! Aw. I love you so much. (Strokes Leslie's hair, and she moves a little.) Oh crap, don't wake up, don't wake up! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler comes running into the living room. Monica is the only one there.] Chandler: Where are Bill and Colleen? Monica: They're in the kitchen getting something to eat. Can you believe how nice they are? Chandler: We have to leave!! Monica: Why? What did you do in the bathroom? Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him. Monica: Oh my god, where's my purse? No, you know what? I can replace everything in there. Get that binder, and let's go! (Bill and Colleen enter.) Colleen: Hey. Bill: Some little snacks for everybody. Oh, you don't have to eat the sour worms. Those are for Owen. Colleen: I'll go get him in a second. By the way, you should know we haven't told him he's adopted yet. Chandler: But kids are so intuitive. Don't you think on some level he already knows? (Owen comes running in.) Owen: I'm adopted?! Chandler: See? Intuitive! Bill: What? Where did you hear that? Owen: He told me! And he paid me 50 dollars not to tell. Chandler: Which technically now you should give back! Colleen: You told him he's adopted? Chandler: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real." Owen: He isn't?! Chandler (to Monica): We have to get out of here, baby! [Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel, Joey and Charlie are eating fajitas when Ross enters from the kitchen.] Ross: Everyone? I would like to make a toast to Rachel and Joey. Rachel: Ooy. Ross: And to love. Ah, love. L-O-V-E, love. L is for life. And what is life without love? Rachel: Oh my god, are we supposed to answer? Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own. (Ross chokes up and pauses. Rachel and Joey look at him.) Joey: Dude, are you okay? Ross: Totally. Rachel: Ross, you don't seem okay. Ross (on the verge of tears): I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining. I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan. Charlie: Wait, Ross. Ross. I - I have to take off. Ross: No! Charlie: I'm sorry, I have a really early class in the morning, but this has been lovely. Ross: Wasn't it? And you thought it would be awkward with Joey and that you never really liked Rachel. Charlie: You're on fire! I'll call you in the morning, okay? Ross: Okay. Charlie: Alright. (Ross goes to the kitchen.) Charlie: God, Rachel, what Ross just said that is just so.. Rachel: Oh, that's okay, girls tend not to like me. Charlie: Bye. (Ross enters from the kitchen with three plates with flan.) Ross: Okay, I guess it's just flan for three! Hey, hey, that rhymed! Rachel: You know what, Ross? I think we're gonna take off too. Ross: Oh, oh. Of course. God, I'm so stupid. You guys are a couple now. I mean, you probably just want to be alone. Rachel: No, no, it's just that it's getting late... Ross: Hey, hey, it's fine. It's totally fine. We've got plenty of margaritas. It's all good. (The oven timer pings again.) Ross: I don't even know what that's for. (He goes back to the kitchen.) Joey: You know what? I think I'm gonna stay here and make sure he's okay. Rachel: Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Joey: Yeah. I'll see you in the morning. Rachel: Uh-huh. Okay. You know what, Joey, I don't think he's ever gonna be okay with this. Joey: It doesn't look good, does it? (They kiss each other on the cheek, and Rachel leaves.) [Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.] Joey: Morning. Here you go. Ross: Thanks. Did you stay here all night? Joey: Yeah. Ross: So you took off my pants and shoes? Joey: No, no, no. You actually did that when you were dancing to the Chicago-soundtrack. Look, Ross, about, about Rachel and I. Listen, you don't have to worry about that, okay? Because nothing is gonna happen. Ross: What do you mean? Joey: Well, she and I said from the beginning that we weren't gonna do anything unless you were okay with it. And clearly.. Ross: Hey, what are you talking about? I'm fine! Joey: It's okay, Ross, alright? I totally understand. Of course you're not fine. You're.. You're Ross and Rachel. Ross: Except we're not. I mean, we haven't been a couple in like, six years. Oh my god, is that right? Has it been that long? Joey: That's what I hear, yeah. Ross: This is crazy. I mean, six years? And because of me you guys aren't gonna be together? Can I ask you something? Really, what is this thing with you and Rachel? Joey: Come on, I mean, you know me, you know... Ross: Joey. Joey: I'm crazy about her. Ross: And she feels the same way? Joey: I think so. Ross: Well, then, maybe it's time we all moved on. Joey: Yeah, but, Ross, I mean, you're not okay with it. Ross: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she? Joey: No, no, no, no, that was - that was just for me. Are you sure about this? Ross: Yeah, I'm sure. Joey: And we're okay? (Ross smiles and holds up his hand for a high-five, but he has forgotten about his burnt hands. He gasps in pain as Joey grabs his hand.) ENDING CREDITS [Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter to find Phoebe there with the triplets.] Monica: Hey, Phoebs Phoebe: Hey. Monica: Uhm, we just wanna give you a heads-up. Bill and Colleen hate us. Chandler: Owen didn't know he was adopted, and Monica told him. Monica: What? Phoebe: Still, he had to find out sometime. Chandler: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them? (The triplets stare at him.) Chandler: I'm gonna go tell Emma she was an accident. (Runs off.)
doc_123	Toby: I really didn't think I was going to have a good time, but I did. Totally did. Meredith: I love camping. [in a singing voice] Anything can happen. Toby: Oh, it wasn't camping, it was more of a wilderness retreat. [Michael walks in] Michael: Morning. Toby: Michael. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Ryan invited some of the branch managers and Toby into the woods for a "get to know you" weekend. Michael wasn't invited. Apparently they already knew everything they needed to know about him. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Did you sleep in cabins? Toby: Under the stars. It was really beautiful, you should come. Phyllis: Bob and I took rock climbing lessons once. [Michael laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Michael wasn't invited on Ryan's camping trip. Toby went, but Michael didn't go. He wasn't invited. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Who went? Toby: Me, Dan from Buffalo, Mark Chisholm, Jeff from Albany and Ryan, obviously. Made so many s'mores, that I finally had to say, "No more s'mores, no more s'mores." [everyone in room but Michael laughs, Michael exits break room] [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Ryan invited me to go on his wilderness adventure retreat. It was this amazing, beautiful experience [Michael knocks on the window behind Toby from outside] Michael: [from outside] Hey, nobody cares. Nobody cares. I need that room at some point, so just, wrap it up. Toby: Michael wasn't invited. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to go camping, and you know what hypothetical means? [Jim makes a face] Not real. Jim: Got it. Michael: So if I were to hypothetically ask you to go camping with me, would you go? Jim: Absolutely, yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: When Michael plays the hypothetical game, I always say yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Really? Jim: Yeah? Michael: Oh, you wanna go today? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: And I am always busy. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Oh, can't go today, 'cause I'm donating blood. Michael: How often can you actually donate blood? Jim: Is there a limit? Michael: Your body only has a certain amount. Jim: Well, is that it? Or? Michael: Yeah, just this whole Toby, camping thing, uh, seems a little lame. Jim: How so? Michael: A bunch of guys, in a tent? Making s'mores? [makes a noise and gestures with his hands] Jim: What's that? Michael: Hello, I'm Broken Mountain. You know, here's the thing. That's not how you go camping. I think you go camping by yourself--- Jim: Right. Michael: In the wilderness. It's not with a group of guys frolicking around in tents. It's one guy, or two guys, if your plans change. Jim: Not gonna change. Michael: I wanna do it myself. You know, I want to go and, and find out something about myself, I wanna get outta here. All the cliques, and the office politics. Fluorescent lights. Asbestos. Jim: I thought we had that looked at. Michael: I'm sick of it Jim. I'm sick of this place. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: When Jan and I had satellite, we used to watch a reality show called "Survivorman." And, it was interesting because it was about a guy who would go out in the middle of no where and just try not to die, try not to get eaten by an animal, or be overexposed. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: OK, I will only need two things. Roll of duct tape and a knife. Dwight: [winks] I'm on it. [leaves room] Michael: OK. Thirty minutes or less, please come back. Save the receipts. [Dwight comes back with set of knives] Hey, what... Dwight: Let's see if any of these will work. [clears the front of Michael's desk] Michael: Hey, hey hey! Dwight. [Dwight rolls out an assortment knives]. Dwight. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I keep various weaponries strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray I had velcroed under my desk. People say, "Oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the work place." Well I say, "It's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose." [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Dwight and I are going out. He will return later, but I will not. I will also be taking a personal day tomorrow, and perhaps the next day. Pam: Do you want me to ask where you're going? Michael: No. Pam: Great. Michael: Dwight will be driving me deep into the Pennsylvania wilderness. Pam: Oh. Michael: Where he will then leave me to either die or to survive. The choice is yours. Jim: Hmm, no, the choice is actually yours. Are you sure you want to do this? Michael: Yes, and I am leaving you in charge of the office for the rest of the day and for the next several days. Do not try to follow me. Jim: OK, great. Michael: This is a very personal, private experience in the wild, that I wish to share it with me, myself and I. Jim: Yup. Michael: When I return, I hope to be a completely changed human being. Jim: That'd be great. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way[/b]: no, I do not. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This is what a true survivor man does. You simulate a disaster, like a plane wreck. You could only wear the clothes that you have on, and you could only use the stuff you have in your pockets. Now, in this case, this disaster is a serial killer. Creepy guy who's abducted me and is taking me out into the wilderness to leave me for dead. Dwight: No, I would never leave you for dead. You would never escape. Michael: Well, yes I would. And I would survive. Dwight: I would make sure that you were dead. Michael: Well... Dwight: First, I would remove your teeth and cut off your fingertips so you could not be identified. Michael: You... Dwight: And they would call me the Overkill Killer. Michael: You... you are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real. [blindfolds eyes with tie] OK. Dwight: What are you doing? Michael: I am putting this on so I have no familiarity with my surroundings. Now this way, I can't retrace my steps. I don't know what streets we've been--- [Dwight whacks Michael with his shoe] Ow! What are you doing? Dwight: It would be better if you were unconscious. Michael: No! Gosh! Dwight. [Dwight tries to hit Michael with his shoe again] Stop it, stop it! Stop it. Dwight: Do you want to do this right or not? Michael: Just, please allow me to have one cathartic experience in my life? [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Jim, we need to order a cake for Creed's birthday. Jim: Oh, wasn't it just someone's birthday? Angela: Yes. Kelly's was last week, remember? Jim: I do remember, yeah. Angela: It's birthday month. Creed's is today. Oscar's is week after next. Meredith's is at the end of the month. [Jim exhales deeply] Michael usually goes with red and white streamers... Jim: You know what, I have an idea. Why don't we just do one big shared party? Angela: What? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: There are thirteen people working in this office, so thirteen times a year Michael gets a cake and balloons, and some sort of joke gift and makes a toast. There are two types of toasts. One is a joke about how old you are. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [flashback to Stanley's birthday] Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack! Not crack the drug. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: And the other is something inappropriate. Or horrible. Or both. What else? He only sings the high harmony to "Happy Birthday." And he's a very big believer in surprise parties. Maybe even, arguably, possibly to a fault. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [flashback to Kelly's birthday, hiding in the elevator] Happy Birthday! Kelly: Ahhh!! [drops the papers she was holding] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [flashback to Oscar's birthday, hiding in the break room] Happy Birthday! Oscar: Ahhh! [runs into door and Michael laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [flashback to Phyllis' birthday, sneaking up on Phyllis' car] Happy Birthday! Phyllis: Oh! [Michael laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So... I think, yeah, I think getting these out of the way might be productive. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: We can just have one big fun party. Everybody's happy, nobody wastes their time. Angela: I don't like it. [Angela leaves] Pam: Wow! You're shaking things up a bit, huh? Jim: It's a pretty good idea, don't you think? Pam: Do you think it's a good idea? Jim: No... I think it's a great idea. Pam: [smiles] Hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: We're here. [gets out of the car] Michael: Dwight will take my blindfold off when we are deep in the forest. Just the two of us from this point out. Dwight: [leading Michael from car] Here we go. Just the two of us [gestures for camera crew to follow] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Here we go, into the wild. Mighty forest. Can you smell the trees and the nature? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Keep going, you're fine. Just some bushes and some thickets [leads Michael into some tall grass] Keep going. You wanted wilderness, you got it. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You know, try sending them another invoice. Oscar: Ok. Jim: Alright. [starts walking away, but returns] Oh, did you see my memo by the way? Oscar: [picks up and reads memo] "Let's be honest, as fun as birthdays are we could all use a break from the constant cake, so let's celebrate birthday month in style today." This is really cool. Jim: Right? I was just thinking... Oscar: No, totally, totally. This way we get it all out of the way at once and it could actually be fun. Jim: Right! Exactly. [pats Oscar on the back and walks away] Knew I could count on you. [Oscar rolls his eyes] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Good a spot as any. [They stop and Dwight starts spinning Michael around in circles] Michael: What are you doing? Stop. Dwight, Dwight. Just -- Dwight: I'm just -- Michael: Stop. Dwight: Spin. I'm trying to confuse your sense of direction. [stops spinning and takes Michael's blindfold off] Behold. Michael: Alright, good. Thank you, Dwight. Dwight: Here's your knife. Here's your duct tape. Michael: Alright, very good. Ahh, OK. [Dwight gives Michael a hug] Dwight: Good luck, Michael. Michael: Thanks for the ride. OK. Leave me be, Dwight. [Dwight runs off] [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: Hey, Jim, can I have my own cake? Jim: What's that? Meredith: I really prefer devils food cake. Jim: Oh, sure. Meredith: Yes! Jim: OK. [Meredith leaves] Pam: Wow! That was easy. Jim: Yeah, people like me I guess. Creed: [knocking from outside window in break room] Jim. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: I hate devils food. Jim: Well I think Meredith was just -- Creed: Screw Meredith, I don't think it's fair to let someone else pick the cake on my birthday. Jim: Everybody's birthday. Creed: Today is actually my birthday and I want to pick the cake. Jim: What do you want? Creed: I want pie. I want peach pie. Jim: You want a birthday pie? Creed: I want a nice cobbler. Jim: Well, I'm gonna to talk to Angela and we're gonna see what we can do about a pie. Creed: I don't care who you talk to. Just make it happen. Jim: It will be Angela. Creed: You tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [to own camcorder] Day One. I'm in the interior of the vast Pennsylvania wilderness. I've brought with me only the bare essentials. A knife, roll of duct tape, in case I need to craft some shelter or make some sort of water vessel. It's hot today. The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant, which would make it about [looks at watch] 2 o'clock in the afternoon. It's really beating down on me now. I think that I want to get a little more comfortable because the sun is depleting my resources. [cuts pants with knife] OK. OH, there we go. Watch that I don't hit my corroded artery here... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone, but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support, but I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: There we go. [standing with short sleeves and short pants] Much better. Now everything I brought with me can be used. My sport coat here, can be fashioned into a backpack of sorts [ties jacket around neck]. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I'm going to wear what was once one of my pant legs. [puts pant leg on head like a hat] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: See, this is a beautiful piece of material [rips other pant leg in half] This could be used for all sorts of things. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Some sort of kerchief to keep my neck nice and comfortable. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Tuna. [rolls in chair to Jim's desk] Jim: Andy. Andy: Me likey the ice cream cake, okay? Fudgie the Whale. Jim: Not your birthday. Andy: Well, I'm just saying, you know, if you want to make people happy, namely me, you will have a Fudgie the Whale. Jim: Alright, I'll look into it, but the answer's no. Andy: Wow, OK, harsh. Just don't expect me to show up. Jim: Hey, Andy, I have some calls to make. Andy: Loud and clear. [rolls in chair back to desk] Jim: Alright. [Andy rolls back] Andy: Pizza rolls. Jim: OK, I'm gonna go into this office here [gets up and walks into Michael's office] to do some work. So I will be in here. Andy: Mushroom caps. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I am totally alone right now, with only my thoughts. I love it. I'm loving it. I can literally say anything I want. No one is gonna here me. [screams] Wish I could have gone with Ryan on that cool retreat! Jan has plastic boobs! I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS! Doesn't even matter. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Michael is a man of great depth and passion. I don't know what he's searching for out here. [pulls a nest from a tree] I hope he finds it. [picks up some bird eggs] Lunch. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Well it is a little chillier than I had thought, so I have fashioned my hat back into my pants. Several hours in, time for me to find some nourishment. Now, these woods are full of creatures that can sustain human life. Things like, uh, squirrels, nice juicy rabbit would be delicious. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: About two more minutes [cooking bird eggs]. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I have made this spear, with which I will impale my dinner. And it couldn't come a moment too soon because I have been without food for a good three hours or so. I'm startin' to feel it a little bit. Ohh... It's Creed's birthday. [singing] Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to Creed. Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday, buddy. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: What is Jim thinking? It's a birthday, so what if there's a lot of them? Kevin: Yeah, I work hard all day. I like knowing that there's going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break. Stanley: I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don't have some cake soon, I might die. Oscar: Why don't you just have an apple? Stanley: Why don't you mind your business? Creed: Listen, I figured this out. Jimmy had his birthday three weeks ago, so he doesn't care. Oscar: Probably went to his head. Creed: Yeah. [Jim enters room] Oscar: Hey, Jim. Jim: Hey guys, what're we talking about? Creed: Nothing! Nothing going on. We're talking about nothing. C'mon gang. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Well if you take a look at this, I tented my pants. I've made myself a nice pants tent shelter. And this little guy [pats a large tree trunk] may be Dunder Mifflin paper some day. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Nothing to worry about. Just using the scope. Safety is... [clicks rifle into safety mode] on. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: [knocks] Hey Jim. Jim: Toby. Toby: Hey, I just got the word on the communal birthdays. Great idea. Jim: Oh, thanks man. Toby: Yeah... Jim: Is there anything -- Toby: My birthday was two months ago. Jim: Oh, OK. Toby: There was no party. Jim: What? Toby: Well, it... there was. But Michael scheduled it for 4:58 on a Friday. You know, people sang in the parking lot. Jim: I remember that. Toby: I don't know, I just thought you could include me. Jim: Seriously? Toby: I just though you could add me. I don't see the harm in that. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Toby's great. He's great, but sometimes he can be a little bit much. [in Toby voice] I don't see the harm in that. Well, it's a cake Toby, so, c'mon. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: OK. Yeah, you know what, we're just gonna throw you in. Because more the merrier, right? Angela: No. No way. I am not a machine, Jim. You can't just change plans willy nilly and expect these little magic party elves to do your bidding. We already have devils food, peach cobbler, Fudgie the Whale, mushroom caps. Toby: I'm allergic to mushrooms. Jim: That's a bummer. OK, then we need to...[steps outside office] Hey everybody. Hi, how you doing? Can I have your attention please? 'Cause we have to talk about this birthday thing. Pam: [raises hand] Conference room? Jim: Yes, conference room in five minutes... No. No. We're gonna solve it right here. We're actually gonna talk about it out here. So, who has problems with the birthday thing? [everyone raises hands] One, two, three, everybody. OK, so then we just shouldn't do it. Angela: What am I supposed to do with two cakes and a pie?' Kevin: Oh, I'll take 'em. Creed: Well nobody's touching my cobbler. Phyllis: [raises hand] Hey, Michael. I mean Jim. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Yup, Phyllis called me Michael. And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Under this tree, I think I struck the mother load. Those [points camera to mushrooms] are nature's best mushrooms. Wild, and I have to say these little buggers are damn tasty as well. [puts them in mouth] Dwight: Stop! No, no Michael! Nooo! Nooo! [runs up to Michael and knocks him over] Nooo! Arghh. Get, get them out. [picks out mushrooms from Michael's mouth] [SCENE_BREAK] Everybody: Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday [Michael joins in with high note] to Creed. Happy Birthday to you. [Creed blows up candles on pie] Michael: Yeah! [everybody clapping] Alright, skip around the room. Skip around the room. We want -- OK, alright. Yeah, don't do that. You're gonna break something. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing, and television, and hamburgers, and to walk upright, and to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive. I don't need the woods. I have a nice wood desk. I don't need fresh air, because I have the freshest air around, A.C. And I don't need wide open spaces. Check it out. [shows off computer screen scenery] I can also make it the sky. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey, buddy. Jim: Hey. Michael: What up? Jim: Sure glad you're back. Michael: You are relieved. Jim: You have no idea. Michael: So what did I miss? Jim: Well, I tried to put all the birthdays together at once. Michael: Oh. Jim: So, terrible idea. Michael: Yeah, okay, I did that. Rookie mistake. Jim: You did do it? Michael: Uh huh. Yeah, just wait. Ten years, you'll figure it out. Jim: Well, I don't think I'll be here in ten years. Michael: That's what I said. That's what she said. Jim: That's what who said? Michael: I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension. When things sort of get hard. Jim: That's what she said. Michael: Hey! Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward.
doc_124	[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is getting a cup of coffee as Joey and Phoebe enter and sit down.] Phoebe: Oh! Hey, Rach! Rachel: Hi! Hey, Happy Valentine's Day! Phoebe: Oh, you, too. Joey: Hey, so, uh, how's it going living over at Ross'? Rachel: It's good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? (to the waitress handing her a cup of coffee) Oh, thank you. I'll see you guys later. Phoebe: Okay. Joey: Bye. (Rachel exits with coffee) Joey: There's one lucky to-go cup of coffee. Phoebe: (sighs) Honey, I wish you would get over her. I hate seeing you like this. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to look down my top? Joey: Thanks. But maybe later. Phoebe: Oh, Gunther, can I get a scone? Gunther: (to Joey) You want anything? Joey: You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentine's Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that that's never going to happen! Gunther: We have red bagels. Joey: Oh, okay. Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Phoebe and Ross are sitting in the living room talking.] Phoebe: So, how does Mona feel about you and Rachel living together? Ross: Oh, I'm actually on my way to tell her right now. Yeah, she's been away all week visiting her parents, but she'll be cool. I mean, she's been so supportive. She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, 'Fossils are my friends.' Phoebe: Ugh. Come on, Mona, don't kiss ass. Ross: Uh, I'm going to take off. Phoebe: All right. Oh! Shoot! Oh shoot! Uh, Rachel wanted to see this tape! Ross: What is it? Phoebe: It's a video of my friend giving birth. Could you just bring it back to your apartment? Ross: All right. (reading the label) 'Candy and Cookie?' Phoebe: Yeah. Candy's the mother, Cookie's the daughter. The father's also Cookie. Why am I friends with these people? Monica: (entering with something behind her back) Phoebe, c'mere. I want to show you something in the bathroom. Phoebe: Oh, Monica, grow up! Ross: Hey, what's behind your back? Monica: Nothing. Just something I want to get Phoebe's opinion on for Valentine's Day. Ross: You don't want my opinion? Monica: Not really. Ross: Come on, I'm your older brother, ask me! Monica: All right, big brother. (holds up two erm...revealing articles of clothing) Which of these do you think would make your little sister look hotter, so your best friend would want to do her? Ross: (quietly) The red one. [Scene: Joey and...wait...just Joey's. Joey is sitting at the counter eating a pizza.] Phoebe: (knocking and entering) Hey. Look, I know you've been really depressed lately, so I brought someone over to cheer you up. Right outside this door is a real, live, furry playmate. Joey: No, I'm not sleeping with your friend Jane again. (Phoebe goes into the hall and brings a dog inside!) Phoebe: He-hee! Joey: Hey! A dog! Hi! Who, you got to admit, looks a lot like Jane. Phoebe: This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy. Now, you can only keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up! Joey: Thanks so much, Pheebs! (to the dog) We are going to have so much fun, yes we are! (the dog sticks his head between Joey's legs) Oh! Not that kind of fun. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler enters with a bouquet of roses.] Chandler: Happy Valentine's! Monica: (from her bedroom) Okay! I'll be right out. I'm slipping into something a little less comfortable, and a little more slutty. Chandler: (picking up a video from the table) 'Candy and Cookie'. 'Candy and Cookie?' Monica got me p0rn?! Girl-on-girl p0rn?! She really must love me!! (Chandler runs over to the TV, puts the tape in, and sits down to enjoy some "p0rn") (A woman on TV breaths hard) Man on TV: Yeah, just relax. Chandler: I love you, St. Valentine. (The woman groans, moans, grunts, and screams. Chandler's eyes get huge!) Chandler: Woah, woah, that's not pretty! Man on TV: Now, push! Woman on TV: Ow! Ow! Ooh! That hurts! Chandler: Worst p0rn ever! Worst p0rn ever! (Chandler starts to press buttons on the remote control, frantically.) Woman on TV: Ohhh! Make it stop! Chandler: I am trying! [Scene: Joey's. Joey is playing fetch with the dog.] Joey: Get the ball, ready? Get the ball, get the ball! (Joey pretends to throw it, but really doesn't, and the dog goes running off.) Well, you're cute, but you're not too smart! (The dog returns with a ball that looks exactly like the same one Joey has.) Joey: (looking at the ball the dog brought back) Did I just throw this? Rachel: (entering) Hi. Joey: Hi. Rachel: I accidentally packed these with my stuff. (looks at the dog and gasps) Who is this? Joey: Oh, that's, uh, that's Phoebe's friend's dog. I don't know what his real name is, but I call him Mozzarella. Rachel: (talking with a higher voice, and puckered lips...kind of like you do to a baby or...well...a puppy...it's hard to explain. Just use your imagination!) Oh, well, you are so cute! I wish I could play with you more, but I've got to go to work! I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting, yes I do. Yes I do. (still talking like that) Bye-bye, Joey. Oh, I seriously can't stop it. (exits) Joey: (to the dog) C'mere. Hey. C'mere. That's Rachel. She's the one who used to live here. Might as well be honest with you-we love her. But we can't have her. I really miss her. Well, hey, you understand, right? You're a guy. (thinks about it and picks up the dog and looks) Well, you used to be. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.] Monica: (entering from her bedroom) So what do you think? (referring to her outfit) (Chandler glances up at Monica with his mouth still wide open and his eyes still huge) Monica: (to herself) I've still got it! Chandler: (pointing at the video) Why did you get me this? Monica: What is it? Chandler: It's yelling...bleeding...dilating. Oh, the dilating... Monica: Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebe's. Why were you even watching it? Chandler: I thought...maybe...you got me p0rn for Valentine's Day. Monica: Chandler, if you thought I was going to get you p0rn for Valentine's Day... (pulls a video out of a basket) you were right! Apparently, it's about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom, but ends up having sx with a lot of guys! Yeah, it got four starts! (looks closer) Oh, wait a minute. Those aren't stars. Anyway, you want to take a look? Chandler: Well, I'm not really in a sexy mood right now. Monica: Honey, what's going on? Chandler: Well, remember the first time we saw Jaws? Monica: Mm-hmm. Chandler: How long it took to go back in the water? Monica: Chandler, we can't let this tape wreck Valentine's Day! Chandler: You don't know. You didn't see it. Monica: Child-birth, it's a natural thing! It's beautiful. Chandler: Oh, beautiful? Really? Beautiful? You think this is beautiful? (picks up the remote and presses a button, and he immediately makes a face that just looks like he's going to throw up!) Monica: Oh! Oh, my God! No wonder my mother hates me! Chandler: See, honey, there's-(puts his hand on her leg) Monica: Don't touch me! [Scene: Central Perk. Ross is sitting on the couch reading a magazine as Mona enters.] Mona: Hi! Ross: Hey! (they hug) So, how was Atlantic City? Mona: Good. Ross: Yeah? Mona: I brought you back a present. Ross: Wha-? Oh, come on. You didn't have to-saltwater taffy?! (Mona laughs) Thanks! This is interesting. You know, most people think this is made with sea water, but it's actually made with, uh, salted fresh water. That's not interesting. Mona: I think it's interesting. Ross: I do too! I missed you! Mona: I missed you, too! So, how was your week? Ross: Oh, it was good! It was good. Actually, the baby started kicking! Mona: How exciting! Ross: Yeah! I know! It was. Oh... the only sad thing is I wasn't around when it happened for the first time. Mona: Oh no. Ross: Yeah, I'm missing out on all this other stuff, too. So, Joey suggested Rachel move in with me. Mona: (laughing) Yeah right! Ross: What? Mona: Joey cracks me up! It's like, 'Yeah, why don't you have your ex-wife move in with you? That wouldn't be awkward at all!' (she laughs again) Ross: (not amused) Huh...uh-huh. Mona: Huh, could you imagine. I go away for a few days, and come back, and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant! (Mona laughs...yes...again!) (Ross fake laughs, obviously not finding this funny, and he's starting to panic, so he shoves the whole saltwater taffy he's eating in his mouth) Mona: So, what'd you tell him? Ross: (with his mouth full) Just a second! (he fake laughs, but turns his head and starts to break down) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.] Phoebe: How could you not tell Mona that Rachel is living with you? Ross: I don't know, she seemed to think it was such a crazy idea! Um, plus, she, uh, she got me taffy! Phoebe: Taffy, really? I've never had any. Ross: Ever?! Phoebe: Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats. (Ross hands her one) Thank you! So what, you're just never going to tell her? Ross: Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, I'm going to take her to an amazing Valentine's dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks I'm the best boyfriend in the world, then I'm going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me. Phoebe: If I haven't said it before: she's a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going to-what the mother of crap is up with this stuff? (Referring to the taffy, which she's been chewing this whole time.) Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? What's the deal? (she swallows it, finally) Oh, it's nice! May I try a pink one? [Scene: Joey's. Joey is laying on his recliner, depressed, and the dog is laying on the footrest.] Joey: So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isn't going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat. Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Joey: Hey. Phoebe: Hey, buddy. How's my favorite dog, huh? How's my favorite dog? (the dog doesn't move) You're subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer? Joey: No. Phoebe: Will you excuse us, we need to talk for a moment. Joey: Yeah, sure. Go ahead. (pause) Oh, me, right! (Joey follows Phoebe into the kitchen) Phoebe: He's miserable! What happened to him? Joey: Nothing. We just talked about stuff. Phoebe: What stuff? Joey: Rachel stuff. Phoebe: Oh...Joey, you bummed him out! This was the happiest dog in the world, and he spends half a day with you, and look at him! Joey: He's breathing! Phoebe: Okay, I'm going to take him back to Wendy's. Joey: No, no, no, no! He's fine! Look, look, look! (picks up the ball) Here's your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball! (he throws the ball and it bounces right next to the dog) Get your ball! My God, what have I done to you, huh? I broke the dog! Pheebs, I broke the dog! [Scene: Ross and...Rachel's...I guess I have to call it that now. Rachel is reading on the couch as Ross enters.] Ross: Well, I'm, uh, going to pick up Mona. What have you got going tonight? Rachel: Oh, I've got big Valentine's plans! I've got my Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy! Ross: Y'know, it's interesting! Most people think that's made with seawater, when in fact- Rachel: Ross, we actually watched the documentary together. (There is a knock on the door.) Rachel: Ooh! My Chinese food! Let me get my cash! (runs to her room to get her money) Ross: (opening the door to see Mona standing there) Mona? What are-hi! What are you doing here? I'm, um, supposed to pick you up! Mona: Change of plans, I made you a special Valentine's dinner! Surprise! Ross: (he makes some really weird noise hear that sounds kind of like...)Ayyyayyyy! Rachel: (entering) Oh, hey, Mona! Mona: Hi! Hi. Hi, Rachel! (to Ross) What's she doing here? Ross: I have no idea! Rachel: I'll be watching TV if anybody needs me. (exits to her room) Mona: Seriously, what is she doing? Ross: Uh...lately, she just likes hanging out here. Mona: Why? Ross: I think she's lonely. Mona: Okay, but it's Valentine's Day! Ross: I know. Mona: Can't we just ask her to go? Ross: No, no. She's way to emotional. And by emotional I mean crazy. (Doorbell rings) Rachel: I'm not here! That's just my Chinese food! Mona: Oh, my God! She has food delivered here? Ross: Mm-hmm. She's-she's emotional, but, but ballsy. Rachel: You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get in my sweats, and eat this in bed! (exits) Ross: And you thought she was going to be in our way! So, why don't you, uh, open the champagne, and I'll be right back. I've got a surprise for you. Mona: You got another ex-wife back there? Ross: (fakes a laugh) Please start drinking! (exits) Rachel: (entering) I'm just going to grab the phone. Mona: Oh, Rachel! Wait! Hey, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but, but, um... what are you doing? Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry! Do you need the phone? Mona: No, no. Listen, Ross is too nice to say anything, but this is his apartment, and, and, we gotta have some boundaries, so why don't you go back to your place and give us some privacy? Rachel: (as Ross enters with a present) But, but, Mona, I live here. Ross: (handing Mona the present) Happy Valentine's Day! ...Or something to remember me by. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch still staring at the screen.] Monica: How long has it been this time? Chandler: 90 seconds. Monica: That's better. 90 seconds is a long time not to think about it...except all I did was think about it. Chandler: You know, it haunts me? Up 'til now, the worst thing I ever saw, was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy. After this, I would gladly make that my screensaver! Monica: Okay, well, we have to get past this! Why don't we get rid of the tape and pretend it never existed? Chandler: I can do that. Monica: Okay. (Chandler takes the tape and sticks it under the chair cushion) Chandler: Okay. Now all we've got to do is get rid of this chair. (Chandler crawls over to Monica and they move in to kiss, but they can't do it and back up. They move in to kiss again, and kiss very awkwardly for a second, until someone knocks on the door.) Monica: Oh, thank God! Chandler: Oh, I know! Monica: Come in! Rachel: (entering) Hi! I'm so sorry to barge in on your Valentine's, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross. Monica: Oh, my God. Chandler: Poor Ross. (Monica and Chandler both look at each other and run over to the window to watch the action in Ross' apartment) Chandler: Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes! Monica: Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see? It's here. Chandler: Oh, and we should warn you, before you watch it: don't watch it. Rachel: Why? You saw it? Is it scary? Chandler: Well, let's just say it's ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself. Rachel: Well, now, wait. Now I'm all freaked out. Come on, you guys will watch it with me. Monica: No, but I will leave a sweater that smells like me right next to you! Rachel: C'mon, seriously, you guys, you're not going to make me watch this alone! Monica: She's right...of course not. Honey, get the tape. Chandler: (with his arm all the way under the cushion, moving it around) This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. (Chandler puts the tape in, and they all sit down) Okay, here we go. Rachel: Okay. (watching the tape) Ooh, my! (Rachel jumps when the woman starts screaming) Woah! Why is that baby torturing that woman?! Chandler: Why have I seen this thing three times?! Monica: It's...still beautiful. Rachel: Uh! It's horrible! Monica: I know! I know, I'm so sorry for you! Rachel: Oh, my God! (Monica and Rachel both cover their eyes) Chandler: Wait, you guys, look! Rachel: What? Did her ass explode?! Chandler: No, the baby's out! Look, look! Monica: Oh, look at those little fingers and toes! Chandler: And look how happy the mom is now! Monica: Oh...Rach! Rachel: Oh, screw you guys, you don't have to do it! [Scene: Central Perk. Ross is getting coffee as Joey comes from...God knows where! Some back area of Central Perk around the corner that we've never seen! Weeeiiirrrddd....] Ross: Hey, hey, man! Joey: Hey, what's up? Ross: Uh...Mona just dumped me. Joey: Oh, man, I'm sorry. Why? Ross: Well, with everything that's been going on lately, I haven't exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didn't tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know? Joey: Still, that really sucks, man. Especially on Valentine's Day. Ross: Yeah. Wait a minute. What are you doing here? Joey Tribbiani without a date on Valentine's Day? What's going on, huh? Girl trouble? Joey: Sort of. Ross: Really?! Joey: You don't have to seem so happy about it. Ross: Oh, sorry. Well, look, maybe I can help you with it. Joey: Oh, I...I d- Ross: Hey, whatever it is, I am sure it has happened to me. Y'know, actually once-once I got dumped during sx. (Two girls sitting at a table next to them look up in disgust, and Ross and Joey move away) Ross: Anyway, so, uh, so what is it? Joey: Forget about it. It's no big deal. Ross: C'mon! Joey! What is it? Joey: It's nothing. Ross: Hey, hey, it's me. Why can't you tell me? Joey: Okay, uh...sit down. (they do) Um... there's this woman that I like. A lot. But, uh...it can't happen. Ross: She's not a Tribbiani? Joey: No! Ross: I knew it. So, is she someone from work? Joey: Yes. Ross: Well, uh, does she like you? Joey: Sometimes I think maybe she could. But it doesn't matter, because I can't do anything about it. Ross: Why not? Joey: Well, it's complicated. She's with this other guy. For a long time. Someone from work, too. And I could never do that to the guy, because we're really good friends. Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh... is he still in love with her? Joey: No. I don't think so. Ross: Okay. Um... is he a good guy? Joey: Yeah, he's the best. Ross: Then talk to him! He might be fine with it. Joey: Oh, I don't know. Ross: Joey, it's worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her. Joey: I do! So much! I can't stop thinking about her! I can't sleep, I- Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself. Gunther: (placing a cup in front of Ross) Here's your warm milk. Ross: I'm going to...uh...I'm going to, um, put the bourbon in it at home. Joey: Oh, yeah. Ross: Anyway... seriously, uh...just...just talk to the guy, okay? And tell me how it goes. (walks towards the door until...) Joey: It's Rachel. (Ross just stands in the doorway, for like a minute...Ahh! What's going to happen next??!!! I can't make it all the way through the Olympics!!!) Closing Credits [Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Rachel is standing in front of the TV holding a video.] Rachel: (thinking) You're going to have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, you're going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it! (Rachel puts the tape in the VCR) Woman on TV: I came to the big city to become a star! I'll do...anything to make that happen! Man on TV: Anything? (Music starts playing...yes...you know what kind of music...) Rachel: (thinking) Hmm...maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant.
doc_125	[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] (The temperature sign on the hotel shows that it's 109 degrees.) [XCU: BEE] (A bee is in flight. It flies up to a woman on the sidewalk.) FLASHES OF VARIOUS PEOPLE ON THE SIDEWALK. Rev. Alistair Rhodes: (V.O.) You may believe that you have to die before the judgment comes. (A one-legged man drops the bottle of liquor he's drinking from. The glass shatters on the sidewalk.) (Another man is sitting on the sidewalk, his back up against the wall. He's stoned.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: (V.O.) But I say the fire is not around the corner. (A man with the left side of his face beaten makes his way past the church.) (The church bells chime.) [INT. CHURCH - DAY] Rev. Alistair Rhodes: (V.O.) The fire is not a-waitin'. (The congregation sits in the pews, listening to the reverend.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: (V.O.) The fire is not a-wantin'. The fire has already come. [EXT. BUILDING - DAY] (A woman stands on her fire escape as she fans herself in the heat.) (Down below, the man with the left side of his face beaten makes his way past her building. He's holding a plastic bag.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: (V.O.) As we mortals drink, gamble and fornicate our way through this world, -- [INT. CHURCH - DAY] Rev. Alistair Rhodes: -- death to Hell's bells thundering toll. The clock of damnations already struck midnight. [CU: BEE] (The bee bumps into the window, falls to the ground and dies.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: We gonna die. Stick a fork in the ass of the human race and turn us over on Satan's spit because we all are not going to Hell, FLASH TO: [EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY] (The man with the left side of his face beaten staggers along the sidewalk and stops.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: Surely as we stand in Las Vegas, Nevada. (He falls to his kneels near the rubbish along the wall. He falls backwards onto some garbage bags and passes out.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: I say we are in Hell. Now. FLASH TO: [EXT. STREET - NIGHT] (Someone steps on the dead bee. Officer cars are lined at the end of the alley, their lights flashing. Catherine and Warrick carry their kits.) Catherine: Why are we parking in an alley two blocks from the crime scene? Warrick: You know sanitation's flushing out a sewer line. We don't want to block their trucks. (Warrick sees the body on the garbage bags, a newspaper covering the man's face.) Warrick: Whoa, what we got here? Hey, guy! Hey! (Warrick moves the newspaper and sees the man's eyes clouded white.) Warrick: We've got a male DB. Catherine: Call it in. You got it, Mitch? Officer Mitchell: I'll tape the scene. (Catherine and Warrick leave Officer Mitchell with the dead body and they continue their way to their crime scene.) [EXT. RANCHO CENTER MOTEL -- NIGHT] (They enter the motel parking lot. Officers are on the grounds. Catherine and Warrick make their way to the room. They pass by a man and woman on the steps. In one of the rooms, a man and a woman are on the bed. They continue toward the scene.) (The officer removes the tape across the door and they walk inside.) [INT. RANCHO CENTER MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUING] (Grissom is in the room waiting for them. There's a dead body on the floor at the foot of the bed. On the bed is a second dead body of the woman, her arms and legs tied spread-eagled to the bedposts.) Grissom: The man was shot execution style--22 to the back of the head. (Warrick kneels and looks at the blood-soaked carpet under the man's head.) (They look at the woman on the bed.) Grissom: Woman was shot as well, bound and gagged. The guests next door complained about the noise, manager finally called the point. Unis found this. (Catherine looks around.) Catherine: I don't see any luggage. Wedding rings still on the fingers. Probably rules out robbery, but not infidelity. One gets to watch the other one die? (Quick flashback to: The man and the woman are both alive. The man is at the base of the bed, kneeling on the floor while the woman is tied to the bed. Someone shoots the man in the back of the head while the woman watches. End flashback.) (There's a bullet casing on the floor near evidence marker 1. Warrick picks up the casing and looks at it.) Warrick: Maybe someone was trying to teach them a lesson. Grissom: Did you guys happen to see the Fitzgerald's thermometer on your way over? Warrick: Oh yeah, 109. Hot as hell. Catherine: Anything under 110 is manageable. Above that, crime rate goes way up. (A police siren wails nearby.) Grissom: Sounds like it's getting hotter. SMASH TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RANCHO CENTER MOTEL (STOCK) -- NIGHT] (A police car turns into the alley behind the motel. Officers are looking in the pool. Warrick is at the trash bin. He jumps inside to sift through the garbage bags. He lifts up a bag and finds a bloodied shirt.) (He checks the shirt and notes the sleeves are clean and that there are no buttons at the cuffs. He checks the label and sees its ANTIQUE SHIRTINGS SEWN FOR 17 1/2-36.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RANCHO CENTER MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT] (Grissom cuts the rope off the woman's wrist. He helps David Phillips turn the body) David Phillips: Well, there's no wallet or ID on this one either. (Grissom notices the bedspread.) Grissom: This looks like a wet spot. (Grissom looks at it under the ALS.8 Grissom: Semen. David Phillips: There's no indication she was re-dressed. It doesn't look like sexual assault. (David takes his clipboard and goes to the second body. Catherine walks up to the bed.) Catherine: So ... middle-class couple ... (She notes the BURGER GIANT cup and packaging in the trash bin.) Catherine: ... takes a walk on the wild side, checks into this dump for ... some fine dining and romance. Somebody breaks in, kills the man, and tortures the woman. For what? David Phillips: Maybe it's a drug thing. Catherine: Well, wouldn't be the first time some nice folks from Henderson came east of Fremont to score. Grissom: Did you find any drug residue or paraphernalia? Catherine: Not yet. Maybe Tox'll find it in them. (Grissom looks down and sees a white Bible under the bed partially hidden by the covers. He picks it up and looks at it. He checks the bedside table drawer and finds the standard Bible in it.) (He shows Catherine both Bibles.) Grissom: We have one too many Bibles. Catherine: I don't think they helped. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RANCHO CENTER MOTEL - PARKING LOT - NIGHT] (Brass interviews the motel night manager.) Brass: So you didn't hear or see anything suspicious? Night Manager: This job -- you kidding me? That's all I see and all I hear. Brass: Is that the register? Give it to me, give it to me. (The night manager gives the clipboard to Brass.) Night Manager: Oh. Room 106. Paid for the week, cash in advance, signed 'em in myself. Brass: We got a problem. Night Manager: What's the problem? Brass: Your handwriting sucks. What the hell does this say? Night Manager: Oh ... uh ... oh, that. That's the name here and that's, that's a, well, that's an "A." Uh ... and the license plate ... uh ... that's an "N" and -- oh-- that's a "V." That's "Nevada." (He shows the form to Brass.) Brass: (duh) You think? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAWN] [INT. ALLEYWAY -- DAY] (CSI Ronnie Lake takes photos of the dead man found in the alley among the garbage bags while Sara looks at the bugs on it. Officer Mitchell stands nearby watching them.) Sara: Green bloat stage. He's been here at least 18 hours. Ronnie Lake: Do you ever wonder why ants don't crawl up the nose, eat the brains? I would. Protein. Sara: Ants are scavengers; they tend to stay on the surface. Ronnie Lake: You think dead skin tastes better than brains? Sara: Well, they will go for brains late in decomp, after all the skin is gone. Ronnie Lake: Do ants have taste buds? Sara: Ronnie ... I'm going to have to limit you to twenty questions per case. Ronnie Lake: Really? Sara: (amused) Nineteen. Brass: (o.s.) Hey, Sara. (Sara gets up as Brass walks toward them.) Sara: Hey ... Jim. Brass: So ... enjoying the sunshine? Sara: Not really. (She turns to the body.) DB is a derelict. I'm kind of surprised to see you investigating this. Brass: Oh, I'm not working this. I'm working the double homicide over at the Rancho Center Motel. We're just doing a neighborhood sweep for suspects. (He sees Ronnie.) You're new. I'm Jim Brass. Ronnie Lake: Yeah. Ronnie Lake. (They shake hands.) Brass: Right. Ronnie Lake. Like Veronica. You know, the actress? "Sullivan's Travels"? Ronnie Lake: I think that's my dad's favorite movie. (Sara smiles.) Brass: Right. Dispatcher (over radio): Two-zero-three-Charlie, Control. We have a few hookers who used the motel. They're willing to talk. Brass: Yeah, 203-Charlie, I'm on my way. Got to run. Okay. Ronnie Lake: Bye. (Brass waves and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Mandy reports her findings to Catherine as they move through the hallway.) Mandy: So I got a hit off of the print on the motel room's "Do Not Disturb" sign. (Catherine looks at the results.) Catherine: Drug dealer with priors for assault-- nice. Mandy: Yes, well, don't get too excited because I got another hit off of the telephone-- pedophile-- and I got one off of the dresser-a rapist-- and another one off of the bed frame-- a prostitute, a pimp, and another prostitute. Catherine: Is that it? Mandy: For felonies, yes. You want misdemeanors, too? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- DAY] (Wendy goes over her findings on the shirt with Warrick. The shirt and photos of the shirt are spread out on the table.) Wendy: So the blood on the shirt belongs to your victims. The high velocity spatter on the front is a mixture of both and the blood drops on the left sleeve appear to solely belong to the woman. Warrick: Probably cast-off from the beating. Wendy: Now, the pattern on the sleeve has a straight line on the outside, and then a matching band of spatter on the inside. So the killer rolled up his sleeves? Warrick: He had a lot of work to do. Wendy: Speaking of which -- the wet spot. (She looks at the results.) The sx stain was a male-female combo, both unknown, but the female shared alleles at all loci with both of the victims. It's their daughter. Warrick: The parents weren't that old. The girl would be a teenager at most. So the killer caps Mom and Dad, rapes the girl, and takes her with him. (Catherine walks into the room with print information.) Catherine: If you've got a missing kid, I've got a pedophile. (Warrick looks at the information.) Warrick: Alistair Rhodes. Busted in August '94 for child molestation. Wendy: That's pre-CODIS, so there's no DNA on file to match. Warrick: Alistair Rhodes. I remember this guy. He was a lounge singer, called himself "Three Miles of Bad." It was all over the news. Catherine: Well, according to the sheet, he served five years and made parole. A registered sx offender. We know where he lives. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CHURCH - FRONT STEPS -- DAY] (Rev. Alistair Rhodes talks with two kids sitting on the front steps. He offers them a bag of burgers. The kids take the food.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: You think those are your fingers itching to pick up the spike? Your hands injecting your veins? "Satan finds mischief still in idle hands." Brass: (o.s.) Alistair Rhodes. (Brass and an officer walk up to him.) Alistair Rhodes: Most people around here just call me "Reverend." Brass: (to the kids) Hey, why don't you guys go super-size those? (He offers the kids a bill. They take it and leave.) Brass: So, Reverend, I hear that confession is good for the soul. You have anything to tell me? Alistair Rhodes: The man you're looking for no longer exists. If you'll excuse me, I have some chores to do. (Alistair Rhodes turns and enters the small church. Brass follows him inside) [INT. CHURCH -- CONTINUING] Brass: You ever been to the Rancho Center Motel? Alistair Rhodes: Plenty of times--with hookers, addicts, drug dealers, pimps, wife beaters, runaways. I save people. Brass: You ever save these two? (Brass shows him the crime scene photo of the two bodies in the motel room. Alistair Rhodes is quiet.) Brass: You know them, don't you? Alistair Rhodes: There's nothing I can tell you. Brass: These people have a daughter, and she's missing. And due to the fact that you're a convicted sx offender, that means that you better come up with a lot more than these corny priestly homilies and you better come up with them fast. Alistair Rhodes: I don't answer to you. I want to talk to my lawyer. Brass: That's a good idea because you're under arrest. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Warrick enters the A/V Lab where he finds Archie struggling with some equipment.) Warrick: Yo, Rambar, I have some documents to ... Archie: Sh ... piece of junk. (Archie puts the equipment down.) Warrick: Where's Rambar? Archie: Where all state employees go when they fail repeatedly. Warrick: FBI Lab? Archie: Sucking down taxpayer dollars in Quantico as we speak. Me, I like to think I'm broadening my horizons. Warrick: Yeah, along with your pay grade. Archie: Oh, happy coincidence indeed, sir. What you got here? (Warrick gives Archie the motel registration form.) Archie: Wow. Somebody needs to switch to decaf. Warrick: In there somewhere is a Nevada plate number and a name. Can you dig it out? Archie: I could try. (Archie puts the motel registration form on the scanner.) Warrick: The plate number is "something, something, something, D, seven, something, something." (Archie runs the plate number, * * D 7 * .) Archie: Okay, well, it's a fairly new model. The four letter, three number configuration has only been standard a couple years. (The computer beeps with 54,756 results.) Warrick: Ooh. Archie: Well, uh ... it's a start. Warrick: Well, can yoy cross-reference these records against the characters in the vic's last name. It's "M, A, blank, blank, blank, I, blank, blank." (Archie runs another search with, "M A * * I * .") (The computer beeps.) Warrick: Now that's a good start. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] (The lights go out in a section of the city.) [EXT. MACALINO RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (Warrick and Nick head up the front walk. An officer is behind them.) Warrick: Alvin and Girlie Macalino. Let's do it. This makes what, the third power outage since summer? Nick: Fourth, actually. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the city was trying to get rid of us. That's a hundred dollar fine right there. (He notes the sprinklers on in the yard.) (They approach the open front door. Nick and Warrick exchange looks.) Nick: That's not good. [INT. MACALINO RESIDENCE - NIGHT -- CONTINUING] (Warrick opens the door.) Warrick: Las Vegas PD. Is anybody home? (He takes his gun out. Nick enters behind him. The officer follows them inside. They note the framed religious pictures on the wall and the cross on another wall.) (They enter in further and note the wooden cross displayed on the dining room table.) (Nick stops.) Nick: It smells metallic. (Nick takes his gun out. He turns to check the kitchen.) (Warrick continues through the living room. There are clothes on the chair and a white Bible on the side table. (Nick sees a pot is on the lit gas stove. He turns the stove off.) (Nick also finds something fleshy and red on the counter.) Nick: Oh, man. What the hell is that? Warrick: That looks like balut. It's this Filipino delicacy. My grandmother's best friend is from Manila. Nick: Bet it tastes like chicken. Warrick: The Macalinos must've been in quite a hurry to leave their dinner out like that. (Warrick and Nick start down the hallway. Nick checks the little girl's room. He finds the little girl in bed, a trickle of blood coming from her head. Warrick steps in after Nick.) Warrick: Oh ... so much for the daughter. [SCENE_BREAK] FADE IN; [INT. MACALINO RESIDENCE - ELIZABETH'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT] (Warrick snaps photos of Elizabeth Macalino. When he finishes, David Phillips pulls the plastic sheet over her head. Some self-powering lights have been set up in the room.) David Phillips: No visible signs of sexual trauma ... if it's any consolation. Warrick: It's not. [INT. MACALINO RESIDENCE -MASTER BEDROOM -- NIGHT] (Grissom finds BURGER GIANT cup on the floor.) Grissom: Burger Giant to go. They were eating it at the motel and someone had it here. Greg: Possible connection? (Greg notes the padlock on the top drawer is open and dangling.) Greg: Hey, maybe we can add robbery to the list. (Grissom walks over. Greg opens the drawer and finds a Wi-Fi card inside. He picks it up.) Greg: Wi-Fi card but no laptop. (Grissom notes the family photo on the dresser.) Grissom: Mom, dad ... and two girls. Greg: They have another daughter? (Grissom listens and in the silence he hears muffled buzzing. He looks up. Greg also noted the sounds.) Greg: Okay, so it's not just the ringing in my ears. (They walk over to the ceiling hatch to the attic. Grissom motions with his head that Greg should open it.) (Greg pulls the ceiling hatch open and a ladder slides out. Grissom and Greg exchange looks. They both look up at the attic door.) [INT. MACALINO RESIDENCE - ATTIC -- CONTINUING] (Grissom climbs in. He looks around and sees that it's another bedroom. The muffled buzzing sounds are louder. Greg enters the attic. They both look around.) (There's a plate of half-eaten food on the floor and some food and a discarded potato chip package on the bedside table.) Greg: One girl gets My Little Pony, the other one ends up here. Grissom: That doesn't seem fair, does it? (Grissom looks over at the overflowing dresser drawer. A bee buzzes across his face. He looks over at the source of the buzzing sounds and sees a bag and box covering the opening.) (He nudges a bee walking on the cooler bag. The bee flies away. Greg is snapping photos. Grissom moves the cooler bag away and looks at the hole in the wall.) Grissom: Greg? Do you have any allergies? Greg: No. Why? Grissom: Give me a hand. (He moves the box away to expose the hole, then removes the insulation blocking the hole. More bees fly out.) (Grissom lies on his back and looks up into the hole. His eyes widen.) (PULL BACK on a colony inside the attic walls.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Brass questions Alistair Rhodes while his lawyer sits next to him.) Brass: The Macalinos had two daughters-- Amy and Elizabeth. Elizabeth is dead, and Amy is missing. Lawyer: That is tragic, but it has nothing to do with my client. Brass: Your fingerprints were found at the motel where the Macalinos were murdered. Lawyer: My client has already explained that. Brass: You know, back before you were saving souls, when you were just molesting children, you had a partner ... Lawyer: Who died in prison eight years ago. Brass: We found male DNA on the bedsheets at the Rancho Center Motel. You got yourself a new partner, just like old times. (Quick flashback to: [MOTEL] Alistair Rhodes holds Amy down on the bed while his partner unbuckles and unzips his pants. End of flashback.) Brass: Only, this time, the parents busted in on you. That was bad for you, but worse for them. And now that mom and dad are never going to come home, you get yourself a whole new playpen to party in and a new buddy to party with. Lawyer: The DNA at the motel -- was it my client's? Brass: No. Lawyer: Then why is he still in custody? (Brass sits down.) Brass: Because he's still lying. You're not an ordained minister. You're not a part of any recognized church. You got nothing to hide behind. So avoid the death penalty -- give us your partner, we get the girl, and you get ... redemption. Lawyer: Six years ago, I was an alcoholic and a crackhead. This man pulled me out of the gutter and saved my life. My firm is doing this pro bono. I guarantee he will not do another day in jail. Alistair Rhodes: My partner ... is the Lord. Brass: Well, I'm sure it's not His DNA on those sheets. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY OUTSIDE FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Bodies on gurneys line both walls. The doors open. Sara and Ronnie walk in.) Ronnie Lake: So anyway, when I graduated I got offers from both the labs in New York and Miami. Know why I picked Vegas? Sara: I know you have nine questions left. Ronnie Lake: Crime rate's growing faster here. (Ronnie follows Sara into the autopsy room.) [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Sara snaps photos as Ronnie removes the shoe off the old man's foot. We see the size 7 sticker still stuck to the underside of the sock.) Ronnie Lake: All of his ... um ... valuables in a rubber-band wad. No ID. Sara: Check the shirt pocket. Ronnie Lake: I was getting there. (She finds the ID in the shirt pocket.) Ronnie Lake: Hah. Driver's license. Expired. Edward Kaye, born 1-28-51. Sara: New socks. Happy face sandwich wrapper. It's got to be handouts from a shelter. Make some calls. You get to ask some questions, Ronnie. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. RHODES RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Nick and Warrick search Alistair Rhodes' place. They go through the bookshelves and the sheets on the bed.) Warrick: You know, if I had to gauge it by his apartment, I'd say that Alistair Rhodes is a regular guy. Nick: Yeah, I'm sure that's what he wants everybody to think, too. (Nick checks under the mattress. Warrick checks the closet. Nick opens the flip-down ironing board. Warrick checks the shirts in the closet.) Warrick: Hey, Nick. For a guy with his own flip-down ironing board, these shirts look pretty wrinkled. (Nick checks the flip-down ironing board space, banging on the wooden walls. He checks the board and finds there's a hole under the cover. He cuts the cover open and finds digital videotapes inside. The tapes are numbered.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Warrick and Nick hurry to the A/V Lab.) Nick: Hey, Archie. Archie: Yo. (Nick tosses the evidence bag to Archie.) Nick: Whatever you're doing, that's more important. (Archie looks at the tapes in the bag.) Archie: Roman numerals one through six. (He holds the bag to his forehead and jokes.) All right, let me guess. Star Wars bootlegs. Warrick: Child pornography. (Archie quits joking.) Warrick: Start with the latest first. Archie: Yeah. (Archie opens the bag and sits down. He pop tape IV in the machine and hits play and rewind. The tape plays as it rewinds. The view is UPSIDE DOWN as if someone dropped the camera on the floor. The camera turns UPRIGHT and they see two men fighting as a woman is tied to the bed.) Warrick: That's enough. Let it play. (They play the tape.) (The young woman tied to the bed screams as Reverend Alistair Rhodes shouts to her.) Alistair Rhodes: (from tape) ... bang you with chains of iron! Come from her now! (The young woman on the tape screams as Alistair Rhodes hits her with the white Bible.) Alistair Rhodes: (from tape) Back, pandemonium! Back, confusion! Leave ... this ... Alvin Macalino: (from tape) Stop it! That's enough! Alistair Rhodes: (from tape) ... girl! Alvin Macalino: (from tape) Hey, stop, stop! Alistair Rhodes: (from tape) Now, spirit! (Alvin grabs Rhodes and pulls him away from the bed. Rhodes knocks the camera over. Mrs. Macalino runs over to her husband.) Mrs. Macalino: (from tape) Why did you stop him?! Alvin Macalino: (from tape) He was hurting her! Mrs. Macalino: (from tape) No! (Warrick, Nick and Archie watch the video.) Warrick: This isn't kiddie p0rn. Nick: It's an exorcism. Alistair Rhodes: (from tape) This is your fault. You didn't believe. You didn't believe. (Alistair Rhodes gets up off the floor, his mouth bleeding. His picture clear on the video.) [SCENE_BREAK] FADE IN; INSERT: IMAGES OF THE EXORCISM (Amy Macalino is tied to the bed. She hisses and screams while Alistair Rhodes shouts and hits her with the Bible. Mrs. Macalino stands nearby, watching.) Alistair Rhodes: Come from her now! (Amy Macalino screams.) Alistair Rhodes: Back, pandemonium! Back, confusion! Leave ... this ... girl ... now! Alvin Macalino: Stop it! That's enough! Mrs. Macalino: Why did you stop him?! Alvin Macalino: He was hurting her! Mrs. Macalino: No! Alistair Rhodes: Amy's not here. Alvin Macalino: No, let go! Alistair Rhodes: It's your fault. You didn't believe. You didn't believe. FLASH OUT TO: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass is back interviewing Alistair Rhodes with his lawyer present.) Alistair Rhodes: I've helped other people cast out the Devil before. Brass: Videos one through five. LAWYER: I advised the reverend to document his rituals for situations just like this. He performed a religious service with the full consent of the parents and then he left the motel room. Brass: Look, if you think we're going to fall for that, you have a lot more faith than I thought. (Grissom is in the room watching the interview.) Lawyer: He has no knowledge of the deaths or of Amy Macalino's current whereabouts. Brass: Counselor, is this your idea of cooperation? Alistair Rhodes: L-listen to me. Listen to me. The mother came to me ... at her wit's end, heart in her hand, begging me, begging me to free her child. She said she'd tried doctors and pills, but nothing worked, so I went to the house, I saw it with my own eyes. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Alistair Rhodes climbs up the ladder to the attic. Amy is on the bed. She looks at him.) Amy Macalino: (rasps) It hurts. (She growls and screams at him.) Amy Macalino: Let ... me ... out of here! (She screams and rages.) END FLASHBACK. Alistair Rhodes: (whispers) The thing in that house ... it wasn't Amy. It wasn't human. I had to cast it out. Grissom: Did it work? (Grissom walks over and sits at the table across from Rhodes.) Grissom: The exorcism-- did it work? Alistair Rhodes: No. Amy's father broke the rules: never speak to it, never interrupt, and believe me completely, do only as I say. Grissom: And he didn't believe. Alistair Rhodes: Mr. Grissom, do you believe in a separate, living evil? Grissom: You're primitive man on the savannah. You see something move out of the corner of your eye. You assume it's a hyena. You run, you live. If you assume it's the wind and you're wrong, you die. We have the genes of the ones who ran. We're genetically hardwired to believe living forces that we cannot see. Alistair Rhodes: The Devil's slyest trick is making us believe he isn't real. But call his name loud and long enough ... (He knocks on the table.) ... guess who comes knocking on your door? Brass: Usually guys like you. Look, enough with the Sunday school bull. This meeting is over, the deal is off. Lawyer: We've answered your questions. Alistair Rhodes: I told you the truth. You have to let me leave. Lawyer: He's right about that. If you're not charging him with anything ... Brass: We're charging you with assault. Lawyer: Fine. We'll make bail. You'll be out of here in six hours. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM] (Robbins goes over his findings with Sara over the photos on the table.) Robbins: Multiple contusions on the face, subdural hematomas. This guy was definitely roughed up. Sara: COD? Robbins: Being homeless in Las Vegas. Cardiac arrest due to dehydration. Sara: Thanks, Doc. Robbins: Anytime. (Robbins turns to leave. He passes Ronnie on her way in.) Robbins: Hi, Ronnie. Ronnie Lake: Hi. (to Sara) I faxed the DB's photo to various indigent organizations. Shelter on Rancho and Main ID'd him as a regular. Their special this week was socks and sandwiches. Rancho and Main is less than a mile from where we found him. Bum got into a fight -- business as usual -- and died of exposure, right? Oops, that was a question. I know, I'm down to four, but, I mean, that's it -- case closed, right? Sara: What does that look like to you? Ronnie Lake: Perimortem abrasions ... parallel, double rails. It's handcuffs. Cops must have picked him up before he died. Sara: Maybe that's not all they did. Ronnie Lake: Well, that's a guess. Sara: What is the first thing that the police do when they question a suspect? Ronnie Lake: Check for ID. Standard procedure. Sara: Eddie Kaye's only identification was an expired driver's license found separated from all of his worldly possessions. (Sara picks up the bagged license and sighs as she looks at it.) Sara: Print it. Ronnie Lake: Well, you're not seriously going to go after the cops over something like this? Sara: You know what? That question I will answer. We're not here to protect anyone, Ronnie, not even the cops. We're here to figure out what happened. If you can't do that, you should get a different job. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - PARKING LOT -- DAY] (Officer Casella) Sara: Officer Casella? Officer Casella: That's me. Sara: I'm Sara Sidle, I'm with the Crime Lab. This is my partner, Ronnie Lake. Ronnie Lake: Hi. Sara: Can you tell me why your fingerprints were found on this? (She shows him an enlarged copy of Eddie Kaye's driver's license.) Officer Casella: Well, sure, I touched it. Sara: What else did you touch? Officer Casella: Uh ... I'm sorry, what do you mean? Sara: Did you strike this man? Officer Casella: Okay, are you trying to jam me up? Ronnie Lake: We're not trying to do anything. Sara: Where'd you get the bruise, Casella? Officer Casella: I got it doing my job. INSERT: FLASHBACK TO: (Edward Kaye and another man fight over a sandwich.) Officer Casella: (V.O.) A couple of train wrecks were slugging it out over this crap sandwich. I try to save them from themselves, but no good deed goes unpunished, so ... uh ... one of 'em takes a poke at me. (Eddie slugs Officer Casella. He then handcuffs him.) Officer Casella: (V.O.) So I cuff him up, I check his ID. I'm ready to run him in, but my partner says to drop it. (He checks his ID.) END FLASHBACK. Officer Casella: He says this is an old bum trick, right, like take a swing at a cop, you go to jail where they have AC, they have food, they have water. I can't believe I almost fell for that. Sara: I kind of wish you had. The man died. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MACALINO RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Greg is outside checking the grounds. He finds a small puddle of water and something in it. He snaps a photo and takes a gun out of the water.) (The VIN number is intact. He releases the chamber. Sara turns the corner and sees Greg with the gun.) Sara: Wow. What do you got there, Greg? Greg: .22 handgun. Looks like it could be the murder weapon. You off the clock? (Greg takes a bag out.) Sara: Yeah. Good job. Greg: Thanks. How you doing? Sara: Well, I've had better days. You missing me yet? Greg: A little more every day. Grissom's in the attic. Still. (Sara smiles and heads inside.) [INT. MACALINO RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Grissom is carrying a box with the bees. Sara walks in and finds him.) Sara: Hey. Grissom: Hey. Bee frame. Inside, I've got the queen, the workers, the whole colony. Sara: You're looting the crime scene of its bees? Grissom: I cleared it with Animal Control. This colony is healthy. I need it to study Colony Collapse Disorder. Bees are dying in record numbers everywhere. Sara: You know, I did read that if every bee on earth died, the human race would follow four years later. Grissom: There's no hard evidence to support that, though. Sara: Oh. Grissom: But the world will end ... someday. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. STREET -- NIGHT] (A police car cruises around the streets.) [INT. OFFICER CAR (CRUISING) - NIGHT] (The officers run the license plates of several cars they see on the road.) Officer 1: You don't think that's cheating? Anybody can get their hands on that stuff. My kid can get "the Clear," the cream. (to radio) Dispatch, we have plate number David-Paul William-Robert-one-eight-four, multiple warrants, parking violations. Officer 2: Maybe we should juice up all the players. Level the field, be more entertaining for me. Officer 1: You are one sick twist, my friend, you know that? (They continue running plates.) Computer: Stolen vehicle. Officer 1: Hold up. Dispatch, we have plate number Paul-Robert-Zebra-David-seven-five-zero. Stolen vehicle, outstanding homicide. At Koval, off Las Vegas Boulevard. Dispatcher: (from radio) Wanted for murder. Code six. Officer 1: (to officer 2) Back up. (They back up the car to put the parked stolen car into view. Officer 2 shines a floodlight on the car and it's obvious that someone is ducked down in the passenger seat.) (The male driver sits up and starts the car. He takes off. The police car siren wails as it chases after them BACKWARD.) (The police car keeps up. The station wagon turns to exit the parking lot and smashes into the police car. Both cars come to a stop. The two officers run out of the car with their guns drawn.) Officer: Hands, let me see your hands! OFFICER: Out of the car now! OFFICER: Get your hands up! (The man driving the car gets out, his hands up.) Officer 2: Let me see your hands! Get out of the car. (Officer 2 opens the door for the woman to get out.) Officer 2: Hands! (The woman has her hands up.) Officer 1: You know who we're looking for, scumbag -- Amy Macalino. Where is she? Amy Macalino: I'm Amy. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. HOSPITAL - AMY'S ROOM -- NIGHT] (Amy stares out in front of her as the nurse writes in the chart.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Andrew Wolflynn sits inside the interview room.) PULL BACK to the - [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OBSERVATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (Brass is in the observation room with a hooker, Divine.) Brass: So you're sure you never saw this guy before? Divine: That guy? Uh-uh, no. Okay, but this guy, uh-huh. (She picks up the photo of Rhodes.) Uh-huh, he was definitely at the Rancho Center Motel. He was there ... um ... three nights ago. Had his little camera with him and everything. Brass: Camera? Divine: Yeah, like video camera and all that stuff. Brass: That helps, thanks. Thanks for your cooperation. Divine: Um ... don't I get a reward? Brass: Yeah, you get to leave. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - AMY'S ROOM -- NIGHT] (Catherine walks in with her kit.) Catherine: Hi, Amy. I'm Catherine Willows, I'm with the crime lab. Amy Macalino: You here to probe me? Catherine: Swab. (Catherine puts her kit down. Amy pushes the sheets down off her lap. Catherine stops her.) Catherine: No, no, Amy, this, this is ... um ... this is in the mouth. Staff tells me that you've already gone through the SAE kit. Amy Macalino: They tell you I'm all banged up inside? Catherine: Not in those words. Amy ... the man that took you ... he cannot hurt you again. We've got him. Amy Macalino: Then can I go? W-w-where's my clothes? Catherine: Well, they're evidence for now, but you'll get them back. The clothes that you wore -- were they yours or ... did he make you wear them? (Amy looks at Catherine.) Amy Macalino: He made me do a lot of things. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Brass interviews Andrew Wolflynn.) Brass: Andrew Wolflynn. Bet your friends call you Wolf, huh? So I'm going to call you Wolf. You can call me Jim. (Warrick is in the observation room watching the interview.) Brass: You know, it's really exciting to meet such a hyphenate. You know what I mean? I mean, you're a triple threat. You know, kidnapper-rapist-auteur. Do you like making movies? Andrew Wolflynn: What are you talking about? Brass: Kiddie p0rn. Andrew Wolflynn: No. No, n-no, no way, no-not me, man. Brass: No, not just you -- you and a partner. (Quick flashback to: [MOTEL] Alistair Rhodes sets up the camera while Andrew Wolflynn is at the bed with Amy.) Brass: (V.O.) He shoots, you score. (End flashback.) Brass: It must be a really good business. Low budget, high profits ... unless you get caught. [INT. HOSPITAL - AMY'S ROOM -- NIGHT] (Catherine swabs Amy's mouth.) Catherine: I've contacted Child Services. You'll have to stay there for at least tonight. Do you have any relatives? Amy Macalino: Not anymore. Catherine: I've got a daughter. She's almost your age. Amy Macalino: Maybe we should hang out. Catherine: There'll be some counselors there that you can talk to and ... take as much time as you need and ... whenever you're ready, to go back to school. Where do you go? Amy Macalino: Jefferson. Catherine: Jefferson High? I don't know that one. Amy Macalino: Jefferson Middle. Catherine: Amy, what grade are you in? Amy Macalino: Sixth. I'm 12. (Catherine looks confused.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Brass continues to talk with Andrew Wolflynn.) Brass: We got your fingerprints, your semen. I mean, we got you in the dead couple's car working to bang their kidnapped daughter. We got ... did I leave anything out? Oh, yeah, we got your gun. Andrew Wolflynn: I don't own a gun. Brass: No, you know, we checked the serial number. It belongs to your grandmother. But you know ... and you know, it must be really hard to get that gun off ol' granny. (Brass walks around Andrew to check his collar.) Andrew Wolflynn: What the hell are you doing? Brass: I'm just checking your shirt size. I might want to give you a Christmas present. 17 1/2, 36. You know what? I was leaving something out, Wolf. We got your shirt soaked not in one but both of the victims' blood. You see, this is what we call slam dunk. You're going to jail. You're going to do time. But why do it alone? Don't be a patsy. Just tell us the name of your partner. Come on, share with a friend. And you know what? You don't even have to tell me his name. All you have to do ... is point. (Brass shows him Rhodes' photo. Andrew shakes his head.) Brass: Hmm? Andrew Wolflynn: I've never seen that guy before in my life. Brass: Come on, you can do better than that. (In the observation room, Warrick notices that Andrew's cuffs are opened and flipped back over his wrist.) Andrew Wolflynn: I want a lawyer. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- NIGHT] (Warrick is back in the layout room with the bloodied shirt. He measures the void on the sleeves. He marks it on a separate shirt.) (He tries the shirt on, then tries to roll the sleeves up to the line on the shirt. He can't do it. Catherine walks in.) Catherine: What are you doing? Warrick: Hey. I'm trying to make some sense out of the spatter. Now, we've already determined that the ... the killer rolled up his sleeves when he murdered the motel victims, but when I found the shirt, the cuffs were buttoned, and I'm not much bigger than this guy. And look. This is as far as the sleeves go up. (He shows her that he can only roll them up to a little past his wrist.) Catherine: Would you give me the shirt off your back? Warrick: Sure. Here you go. (He helps Catherine put the shirt on.) Catherine: Okay. (Catherine rolls the sleeves up to the line.) Catherine: Easy. Warrick: So Wolflynn wasn't wearing the shirt, was he? Catherine: I guess Amy was. A trophy after sx. (Grissom walks in.) Grissom: Hey. I have something I'd like you to see. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - NIGHT] (Grissom clicks on the icon to open the computer information.) Grissom: The Macalino family computer was recovered from the stolen car. Archie ... found the chat logs. (Grissom opens the log. It reads: Wolfman: You look so hot in that photo. Wolfman: We need to meet soon! Amy17: If you could take me out where would - Wolfman: Any where you want? Amy17: Anywhere is better than here. Amy17: I'm lonely. Wolfman: so lets meat somewhere. Amy17: I can't. Wolfman: Y? Whatcha doing? Amy17: about to shower. Wolfman: You hot and sticky? Warrick: A lot of traffic between Amy and the "Wolfman." Grissom: Keep reading. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Amy17: How bad do U want me? CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Wolfman: I can taste it. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Amy17: Talks is cheap. Amy17: Prove it. Warrick: It looks like Amy's luring the Wolfman. (The remainder of the screen reads: Wolfman: I'll do anything! Amy17: R U bad enough? Amy17: R U my badboy? Wolfman: Damn straight. Grissom: What would you do if you found this on Lindsey's computer? Catherine: Ground her for life. Take the laptop. Grissom: Lock her in the attic, maybe? Catherine: Well, you push kids, they push back. Things can get out of hand pretty quick. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Amy17: I need a bad MAN. Grissom: The Macalinos were pushed all the way to an exorcism. Now, Alistair Rhodes says that he left the motel when his ritual failed. The video shows the father tried to stop it. He probably untied her. Right? Catherine: So Amy escapes, she goes and gets her knight in shining armor. Warrick: Yeah, Wolf and his .22 caliber. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Amy17: Can U handle it? Catherine: They return to the motel. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Wolfman: Yeah. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Amy17: Handle me? Catherine: The parents are gone, but the room's still paid for. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Wolfman: Hell, yeah. Catherine: They have s*x and burgers. Warrick: And Amy calls her mom and dad, who come back because they still love her. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Amy17: Let's do it. Catherine: Dad gets killed first ... quick, but Mom, the true believer, the one who wanted to drive out the demons, she has to suffer. (Quick flashback of: [MOTEL ROOM] Amy gleefully hits her mom on the bed. End flashback.) Grissom: And Amy goes home to get her computer ... and kills her little sister. Catherine: I'll call Brass. We'll go pick Amy up. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CPS -- NIGHT] (Amy Macalino sits alone in the room. She smiles. There's a knock at the door.) CPS Attendant: Amy, there's somebody here to see you. Could you come with me, please? (Amy swings her legs over to the side of the bed.) [INT. CPS - STAIRWAY - CONTINUING] (Amy and the CPS attendant head up the stairs.) [INT. CPS - VISITING ROOM - CONTINUING] (The CPS attendant leads Amy up to the visiting room.) CPS Attendant: Just wait in here. (Amy steps into the room to wait. The CPS attendant leaves.) (Amy looks up as Alistair Rhodes steps into the room. He closes the door behind him.) [INT. CPS - LOBBY - CONTINUING] (The front door opens. Catherine, Brass and an officer step in.) Catherine: We need to see Amy Macalino. CPS Attendant: Popular girl tonight. She's upstairs with her minister. (Brass turns and heads for the stairs.) Brass: (to the officer) Let's go! (Brass and the officer head up the stairs.) Catherine: Her what? (to radio) Control, this is Willows. I'm at CPS. I need backup. Code Three now. (Brass and the officer head up the stairs.) (Amy screams.) (Catherine looks up at the topmost floor.) Alistair Rhodes: I cast you out! (Rhodes pushes Amy off the railing. Amy screams as she falls and lands at Catherine's feet.) (Catherine gasps.) (Brass and the officer reach Rhodes, their guns out.) Brass: Alistair, turn around. Turn around. Now! (Rhodes turns around with his hands up.) Brass: Get down on your knees. (Rhodes slowly gets down to his knees.) Alistair Rhodes: I saved her. I saved her. (The officer handcuffs Rhodes.) (Brass shakes his head. Rhodes gets to his feet and the officer leads him away.) (TOP VIEW DOWN: Amy is dead on the lobby floor in a pool of blood. Catherine looks at her.) (After a moment, Catherine starts taking photos of Amy. The officer takes the CPS attendant's statement in the back of the lobby.) (Grissom walks in with his kit.) (Catherine looks at Grissom. Grissom shakes his head, then looks up at the floor above them. He puts his kit down and looks around. He stops when he sees something.) (There on the floor is a dead bee. Grissom picks it up and looks at it. He looks back at Amy's body.) (HOLD on GRISSOM.)
doc_126	1: EXT. STREET IN LOP (TEGANA takes the phial of poison from his ally and stares at it.) TEGANA: I will use it well...on all but the first of Marco Polo's water gourds, for tomorrow, the caravan sets out to cross the Gobi Desert. Now, you will follow us...and on the third night, I will walk back to you...then we're gonna ride back here to Lop, wait for two days...and then...return to the caravan...to collect the...thing of magic...that will bring the mighty Kublai Khan to his knees! [SCENE_BREAK] 2: MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL (The map illustrates the next stage of the journey of MARCO POLO'S caravan.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Again, POLO writes and narrates his journal. His words are illustrated by the image of the TARDIS once more on the back of a horse-drawn wagon with attendant Mongol bearers.) MARCO POLO: (OOV.) I have taken charge of the travellers' unusual caravan, and set out into the Gobi Desert. The journey across this vast ocean of sand is slow and hazardous. To make matters worse, the old Doctor continually shows his disapproval of my action by being both difficult and bad-tempered. For three days now, during which time we have covered no more than thirty miles, I have had to endure his insults. [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. GOBI DESERT (NIGHT) (The tent has been erected on the sands of the desert.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (Inside the main tent, IAN and BARBARA are with MARCO POLO and TEGANA. SUSAN sits quietly nearby. The three people from the TARDIS are no longer in their own clothes but, not allowed access to the TARDIS, wear Chinese clothes. SUSAN wears a two-piece robe which reaches down to the floor, the upper part of which has flower decorations, while IAN wears a jacket which is decorated in Chinese letters. BARBARA'S top is plainer in style. The DOCTOR is absent from the meal which they have just finished. PING-CHO, again carrying out her serving duties, pours some water for IAN.) IAN: Thank you, Ping-Cho. (He drinks.) IAN: How much water does a caravan like this use crossing the Gobi Desert, Marco? MARCO POLO: We will use one barrel every five days, Ian. I have allowed for eight gourds to carry us across to the other side. TEGANA: The bones of many men who thought they had enough lie bleached in the desert sand. (He holds up his bowl to nervous PING-CHO and gives a curt order...) TEGANA: More. MARCO POLO: I think we should exercise some restraint, Tegana. (With some relief, PING-CHO moves off. POLO turns to an upset SUSAN.) MARCO POLO: I'm sorry the Doctor wouldn't eat with us this evening. SUSAN: Yes, so am I, Messr Marco. (Near to tears, she picks up the DOCTOR'S plate.) SUSAN: I'll take him his food. (SUSAN takes the plate behind a partition into the DOCTOR'S section of the tent. MARCO POLO brings out a chessboard from one of his travel bags.) MARCO POLO: A game of chess, Ian? IAN: Oh, well I'm not very good, but I'll give you a game. MARCO POLO: I gladly accept your challenge. (MARCO POLO sets up the chessboard. BARBARA is intrigued by the intricately carved wooden pieces.) BARBARA: What magnificent pieces! MARCO POLO: Yes, I purchased them in Hormuz, on my first journey to Cathay. Now they go with me everywhere. Do you, er, play...? (At that moment, SUSAN, still upset, returns with the untouched plate...) SUSAN: I'm sorry, Messr. Marco... (She suddenly starts to rush from the tent. BARBARA watches her go but before she can do anything, TEGANA, seemingly oblivious to what has happened, speaks to BARBARA with unusual courtesy...) TEGANA: Do you play chess, lady? BARBARA: Not very well, Tegana. (BARBARA, concerned with SUSAN'S sudden departure, decides to follow the girl.) BARBARA: Excuse me. (She walks from the tent. IAN and MARCO POLO prepare for their game of chess. TEGANA watches them with interest.) TEGANA: I find it a fascinating game of...strategy of war. Two equally balanced armies deployed upon a field of battle, and each commander determined to be the one who cries "Shahmat". IAN: (Puzzled.) Shahmat? Checkmate? TEGANA: (Quietly.) It means the king is dead. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (BARBARA finds SUSAN standing outside the main tent. She is still clearly upset. There is a strong wind starting to blow.) BARBARA: We'll get the TARDIS back, Susan. SUSAN: Yes, but at Kublai Khan's Court, when it's too late. (She stares sadly up into the stars in the night sky.) SUSAN: We should be up there - another time, another galaxy. BARBARA: Oh, we'll think of something. SUSAN: How? Ian playing chess with Marco? Grandfather being rude and sulking by himself? BARBARA: Oh, I didn't know he's sulking, is he? SUSAN: Well, he won't eat. He won't even talk to me. BARBARA: Well, you know him better than I do. But I'd have said he was just feeling defenceless. He has a wonderful machine, capable of all sorts of miracles, and it's taken away from him by a man he calls a primitive. Look, TARDIS is the only home we have at the moment, and when we're in it, we feel safe and secure. But when we're out of it... (She looks out across the desert and sighs.) SUSAN: Will he talk to me? Confide in me? BARBARA: Oh, he's like a rubber ball. He'll come bouncing out of there soon full of ideas. (SUSAN stares back at the sky.) SUSAN: One day, we'll know all the mysteries of the skies...and we'll stop our wandering... BARBARA: Then you and I will say good-bye. SUSAN: (Surprised.) Hum? Oh, not yet. Not for a long time! BARBARA: Well, I think we should say goodnight anyway. SUSAN: Are you coming? BARBARA: No, not for the moment. SUSAN: Goodnight. (SUSAN runs back towards the main tent.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (SUSAN appears in the tent. The chess match is in progress and IAN, POLO and TEGANA stare intently at the board...) SUSAN: Ping-Cho? MARCO POLO: Shh! She's gone to bed. SUSAN: Oh, well...I'll go too then. Goodnight. IAN: Goodnight, Susan. MARCO POLO: Sleep well. (As SUSAN leaves to go to her room, MARCO POLO turns back to the chessboard.) MARCO POLO: Now, what was I about to do? Ah yes... (He moves a piece.) IAN: Ouch! [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. TENT. PING-CHO AND SUSAN'S ROOM (NIGHT) (SUSAN enters the room she shares with PING-CHO and sees that the young girl is not yet in bed but staring out of a side-flap in the tent.) SUSAN: Not asleep yet? PING-CHO: No, I was thinking. SUSAN: What about? PING-CHO: How peaceful it is in the desert. (SUSAN joins her and looks out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) SUSAN: Oh, it's a lovely night! PING-CHO: The moon will rise later. That is the time to see the desert. It is like a great silver sea. SUSAN: (Almost to herself.) The metal seas of Venus... PING-CHO: Where? SUSAN: Oh, a long way from here. I've never seen a moonlit night. How long before the moon rises? PING-CHO: Two or three hours. I'll call you then. [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (In the main tent, the sight of the Gobi Desert at night has also captivated BARBARA. She returns to the three men and their chess game.) BARBARA: Night in the desert is very beautiful. MARCO POLO: Don't be deceived by it, Miss Wright. The desert is always dangerous. (IAN is concentrating on the chess game.) IAN: Like my Queen! (He moves a piece, still watched intently by TEGANA.) IAN: Check! TEGANA: Oh, Marco, can you save your King? MARCO POLO: I think so, Tegana. (MARCO POLO studies the board carefully before making a move.) MARCO POLO: Check. [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (Later on that night, when the rest of the camp is silent, SUSAN and PING-CHO emerge through the flap from their room in the tent. The moon has risen, and the two girls view the illuminated desert in amazement.) SUSAN: (In wonder.) Oh crazy! Hey, Ping-cho...! PING-CHO: Shh! The guard will hear you. (Puzzled.) Crazy? SUSAN: Hmm? It means I dig it. You know - like it. PING-CHO: This language of yours is very strange. (At that moment, TEGANA emerges from the main tent. He has a brief conversation with one of the Mongol bearers, and then moves off into the desert.) PING-CHO: Tegana! SUSAN: Let's follow him. PING-CHO: He will be angry! SUSAN: You're not afraid? PING-CHO: No, I am not. Come. (They follow TEGANA into the desert.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (IAN and MARCO POLO are sleeping in the main area of the tent on makeshift beds. Outside, the sounds of the horses becoming restless can be heard. The whinnying of the horses eventually wakes MARCO POLO. He gets up and moves to the doorway. IAN also wakes.) IAN: What is it, Marco? MARCO POLO: The horses are very restless. (IAN gets up and the two of them move outside as the horses whinny again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (They peer across the desert.) MARCO POLO: There's a sandstorm coming, Ian. IAN: How do you know? MARCO POLO: Notice how still it is - as if everything were waiting. (There is another whinny.) MARCO POLO: They sense it too. IAN: Will it be a bad one? MARCO POLO: Bad enough. I must attend to the horses. (He moves off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. DESERT (NIGHT) (SUSAN and PING-CHO continue following TEGANA through the desert. They are finding it difficult to keep up with the pace TEGANA is setting over the high dunes and deep furrows of sand, and are beginning to lose the warlord.) SUSAN: He walks so quickly. Can you still see him? PING-CHO: Yes. There he is, over there. (PING-CHO points out into the desert. Suddenly, SUSAN sits on the ground in exhaustion.) SUSAN: Oh, let's give up. PING-CHO: Who is afraid now? SUSAN: No, I'm not afraid. It's...it's just that it's so hot. I can hardly breathe. PING-CHO: Yet it was most pleasant when we left the caravan. (SUSAN gets up.) SUSAN: Oh, come on, let's go back. PING-CHO: All right. (They start to clamber back over the dunes.) PING-CHO: Susan, listen! (SUSAN does so, and manages to hear the faint sounds of swirling wind. SUSAN suddenly sees something.) SUSAN: What's that? PING-CHO: Where? (SUSAN points towards a hazy mist on the horizon as the wind starts to get louder.) SUSAN: That cloud on the horizon. (PING-CHO sees the ominous clouds of billowing sand.) PING-CHO: Susan, it's a sandstorm! SUSAN: What! It's coming this way! Ping-Cho, we must get back before it reaches us! PING-CHO: No, the caravan is too far away! (SUSAN tries to drag her away.) SUSAN: (Shouts.) No, come on! We must get back. We can't stay here! PING-CHO: (Shouts.) No, we'll get caught in it - and we'll never find our way! SUSAN: (Shouts.) Ping-Cho, come on! PING-CHO: (Shouts.) No, we must shelter here. SUSAN: (Shouts.) No! (The wind begins to fiercely swirl around them.) PING-CHO: (Shouts.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The two girls hold on to each other as they are caught in the sandstorm.) SUSAN: (Shouts.) Ping-Cho! [SCENE_BREAK] PING-CHO: (Shouts.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Their cries and the sound of the blasting wind mingles with the noise of the "singing" sands which manifests itself as a series of shrieks and babbles.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (Back at the main tent, BARBARA is woken by the sounds of the approaching sandstorm, and appears from her section of the tent. IAN and MARCO are back inside. They have to shout to make themselves heard over the shrieks of the storm.) BARBARA: (Shouts.) Ian, what is it? What's happened? IAN: (Shouts.) Don't be afraid, Barbara. It's a sandstorm. BARBARA: (Shouts.) But the... IAN: (Shouts.) It sounds as if all the devils in hell were laughing! MARCO POLO: (Shouts.) It's the wind shifting the sand! BARBARA: (Shouts.) It's terrifying! MARCO POLO: Not always, Barbara. Sometimes it sounds like musical instruments being played - the clashing of drums and cymbals. I've heard it sound like a great many people talking as they travelled across the desert. It can also be like a...like a familiar voice calling your name. You're not the only one to be afraid. Travellers of the Gobi Desert have good reason to fear the singing sands, Barbara. (MARCO walks off. IAN looks towards the DOCTOR'S room in the tent.) IAN: (Shouts.) It's fantastic that the Doctor's still asleep! (MARCO rushes back.) MARCO POLO: Tegana's not here! His bed's empty! IAN: (Shouts.) What?! MARCO POLO: Has anyone seen him? IAN: Well, he can't be out in this! MARCO POLO: He must be! BARBARA: Well, what will happen to him? MARCO POLO: If he finds shelter, he'll be all right! BARBARA: Well...well, can't we do anything? MARCO POLO: Nothing. (IAN and MARCO POLO listen helplessly as the sand swirls outside.) BARBARA: I think I'll see if the girls are all right... (She goes towards the girl's room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. TENT. PING-CHO AND SUSAN'S ROOM (NIGHT) (She sees that the room is empty.) BARBARA: Ping-Cho! [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) MARCO POLO: (To IAN.) Tegana's no fool. He can look after himself. Don't worry... (BARBARA runs back from the girl's room in a hysterical condition.) BARBARA: (Shouts.) They're gone...they're not there! IAN: (Shouts.) Gone? BARBARA: (Shouts.) Their beds are empty! (BARBARA rushes for the door. IAN and MARCO POLO hold her back and she struggles in their grasp.) IAN: (Shouts.) Wait! MARCO POLO: (Shouts.) No! IAN: (Shouts.) Barbara! MARCO POLO: (Shouts.) Barbara, you can't go out there! BARBARA: (Shouts.) Let go! MARCO POLO: (Shouts.) Barbara, you'll be lost in seconds! BARBARA: (Shouts.) [SCENE_BREAK] IAN: (Shouts.) Calm down, Barbara! Marco is right - there's nothing we can do! BARBARA: (Shouts.) The girls! IAN: (Shouts.) We must wait until the storm blows itself out! MARCO POLO: (Shouts.) There's nothing we can do now! (BARBARA rounds on POLO, sobbing.) BARBARA: (Shouts.) Oh, it's all your fault anyway! If you hadn't kept us prisoner here, none of this would have happened! (The babbling and shrieking of the storm reaches a new crescendo.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. DESERT (NIGHT) (SUSAN and PING-CHO huddle closer to one another as the sandstorm billows around them. SUSAN thinks she can hear her name being called with the chatters and shrieks. The voice she hears is deep and booming...) VOICE: Ssuuuuuussssaaaaaaaannnnnnnn! SUSAN: Ping-Cho, what's that? VOICE: Ssuuuuuussssaaaaaaaannnnnnnn! SUSAN: (Shouts.) There it is again...It's Ian...I can hear him! (An insane monkey-like babble echoes through the storm.) VOICE: Ssuuuuuussssaaaaaaaannnnnnnn! SUSAN: (Shouts.) It's Ian! PING-CHO: (Shouts.) Susan, it isn't! It's the desert saying it! SUSAN: (Shouts.) It is! It's Ian! Ian! (SUSAN pushes PING-CHO away and tries to scramble up a dune.) SUSAN: (Shouts.) Ian! Ian, we're here! Ian! (She suddenly sees a shadow looming over her from out of the sand. She screams...) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (IAN waits impatiently for the storm to pass.) IAN: How soon can we go and look for them? MARCO POLO: Not until it's light. IAN: Let me go as soon as the storm's over! MARCO POLO: Ian, you'd miss them in the dark. You must wait till it's light! [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. DESERT (NIGHT) (SUSAN recognises the figure as TEGANA. The warlord looks down at the two cowering girls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (The storm has passed. IAN, BARBARA and MARCO POLO wait in the main tent. BARBARA is frantic with worry and impatience.) BARBARA: (Shouts.) We can't just go on sitting here! (IAN looks towards the DOCTOR'S room.) IAN: Shh! The Doctor's still asleep. We don't want him to know about the girls. MARCO POLO: Barbara, I give you my word that until we find the girls, we will not leave this place. (The group looks up, startled, as TEGANA, SUSAN and PING-CHO enter the tent. BARBARA jumps up and rushes to SUSAN.) BARBARA: Susan! Do you know you had us half-worried to death. Where've you been? SUSAN: (Quietly.) We went for a walk. BARBARA: A walk! MARCO POLO: (Furious.) Without asking me?! Don't you dare do that again! Do you understand? That also applies for you, Ping-Cho. SUSAN: I'm sorry, Messr Marco. Has...has Grandfather been very worried? IAN: Luckily for you, he's been asleep the whole time. MARCO POLO: And we don't want him to know anything about this. (He looks at the Mongol warlord.) MARCO POLO: I'm surprised that you'd encourage such a venture, Tegana. TEGANA: (Surprised.) Ahh...they weren't with me! I found them - crouched behind a sand dune. MARCO POLO: (Puzzled.) You were alone? TEGANA: (Nonchalantly.) Ah, well, it was a pleasant night. I decided for a walk. I told the guard - he knew all about it. MARCO POLO: (Sternly.) In future, the guards will be told to notify me immediately if any of you wish to leave the camp. (He looks at the bedraggled girls.) MARCO POLO: Now go and change, we have to break camp soon. SUSAN: Yes, Messr Marco. (SUSAN and PING-CHO walk off. BARBARA approaches MARCO POLO who is starting to pack his things.) BARBARA: This has been a terrible experience for us all, Marco. Couldn't we spend one more night here? MARCO POLO: I'm sorry, Miss Wright. BARBARA: But surely one day can't make all that much difference? MARCO POLO: One day without progress is one day's water wasted. And in the Gobi Desert, that could mean the difference between life and death. (Behind them, TEGANA walks back outside unseen...) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (Outside, he removes the phial of poison from his pocket. He studies the poison carefully.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL (MARCO POLO writes in his journal. The map illustrates their place in the desert.) MARCO POLO: (OOV.) Progress today has been good, although we were all very tired after a sleepless night. How can I ever repay Tegana for saving Ping-Cho and Susan? We covered fifteen miles before I gave the order to set up camp for the night. [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. TENT: PING-CHO AND SUSAN'S ROOM (NIGHT) (SUSAN is frantically brushing her hair as PING-CHO enters.) PING-CHO: Susan! Susan! (SUSAN continues brushing.) SUSAN: I can't get this sand out of my hair. PING-CHO: Last night there were moments when I was sure I would never be here again. (PING-CHO settles down in her bed. SUSAN finishes her hair and lowers her voice...) SUSAN: Ping-Cho, did you believe Tegana last night, when he told Messr Marco about going for a walk? PING-CHO: Why not? SUSAN: Well, I don't think Tegana's the kind of man who goes for a walk just because it's a nice night. I think he goes because he has a reason to go. PING-CHO: Susan, why would he lie to Messr Marco? SUSAN: I don't know! PING-CHO: He's an important man - the special emissary of the great Mongol leader who has been at war with Kublai Khan. Tegana is to arrange a peaceful settlement between them. Would a man like that lie about walking in the desert? SUSAN: No! No, he wouldn't. That's what's so strange... PING-CHO: What? SUSAN: The fact that he did. [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (In the main tent, TEGANA is polishing his sword, while MARCO POLO writes in his journal.) TEGANA: What is that you do? MARCO POLO: I keep a journal. TEGANA: Why? MARCO POLO: Because it interests me. (MARCO POLO continues to write. Suddenly, TEGANA yells out POLO'S name...) TEGANA: Marco! (...and lunges at MARCO POLO with his sword. POLO reacts quickly to parry the blow.) TEGANA: (Admiringly.) That's excellent, excellent! But it's better a man keeps the blade of his sword clean...than its edge sharp. You continue your writing, Marco. I'll see to the horses tonight. (He heads for the door.) TEGANA: I'll, er, I'll give the guard his instructions. MARCO POLO: No! Send him to me. (TEGANA hesitates.) MARCO POLO: Please. (TEGANA leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: EXT. THE WATER WAGON (NIGHT) (Once outside the main tent, TEGANA walks towards the wagon containing the water gourds. There is a guard there. TEGANA whistles and this draws the guard away. TEGANA then moves to the back of the wagon and stabs each gourd with his sword. The precious water splashes all over the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. THE WATER WAGON (The next morning, IAN, MARCO POLO and BARBARA survey the damage caused to their water supply.) IAN: All of them, Marco? MARCO POLO: Yes, except for the one we're using. (They walk round the wagon and look over the gourds.) IAN: How much is there left? MARCO POLO: Without rationing, enough for today. IAN: And with rationing, how long will it last? MARCO POLO: Three - four days. BARBARA: Is there enough to get us back to Lop? MARCO POLO: If we're very careful with it, yes. IAN: But who could have done it? MARCO POLO: Bandits, Ian. BARBARA: (Surprised.) Bandits? In the desert? MARCO POLO: Yes, this has happened before, but not to me. The bandits follow a caravan out into the desert. Then one night, this happens. The caravan is forced to turn back. Then, when everyone is weak through lack of water, the bandits attack. IAN: So if we turn back, we're bound to be attacked. MARCO POLO: Yes. (TEGANA silently joins the group having heard this exchange.) TEGANA: Then we shall fight. IAN: There must be somewhere else we can go to? MARCO POLO: The nearest is a small oasis, but that's one week's journey north from here. IAN: Marco, if we pressed really hard, walked day and night, how long would it take us? MARCO POLO: Five, possibly six days. IAN: As long as that? MARCO POLO: Yes, and with the water rationed we'll be growing weaker all the time. There is another danger, Ian - bandits always camp near an oasis. BARBARA: Well, then we must go back to Lop. IAN: But they're bound to be waiting for us there! No, we must go north, and take a chance. MARCO POLO: Yes, what Ian says makes sense. We go to the oasis. TEGANA: We shall all die of thirst. I will not go. MARCO POLO: Then what will you do? TEGANA: Return to Lop. I'm not afraid of any bandits. Just give me my share of the water... MARCO POLO: (Interrupts.) No, Tegana. TEGANA: (Quietly menacing.) You refuse the Warlord Tegana? MARCO POLO: I am commander of this caravan, and I am responsible to Kublai Khan for your safety. We go north, together. (Defeated for the moment, TEGANA stares at POLO...) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL (The map shows the slow progress that the caravan is making.) MARCO POLO: (OOV.) Have I made the right decision? Each day, our progress towards the oasis becomes less. On the first day, we covered twenty miles. On the second, fifteen. The third, ten. The fourth day's total was eight. Now on the fifth day we have travelled only two miles before the heat of the sun has forced us to stop. We are nearly exhausted, and our situation is perilous... [SCENE_BREAK] 28: EXT. DESERT. CAMP (The sun continues to beat down relentlessly on the caravan. The weary travellers, now including the DOCTOR, lie motionless in the shade of the wagons underneath an awning gazing out across the merciless baking sands. MARCO POLO comes along and shares out the last few drops of water.) MARCO POLO: The worst of the sun is nearly over. We must move on again as soon we've had this. (Everyone drinks his or her water in silence. They are all seriously affected by heat exhaustion.) IAN: Have the bearers had their ration? (MARCO nods and pours IAN his water but the ration runs out before MARCO can take his.) IAN: You take it. MARCO POLO: We will share. (IAN accepts the offer and drinks.) DOCTOR: Marco, is this all we're going to get until tonight, mm? MARCO POLO: Until we reach the oasis, Doctor, yes. DOCTOR: Mmm. BARBARA: There's no more? (MARCO shakes his head.) TEGANA: How much further? MARCO POLO: I cannot say. TEGANA: I will go to the oasis and bring back water. (TEGANA stands and starts to stumble towards where his horse is reined.) MARCO POLO: Do you think you could reach the oasis? TEGANA: Yes, my...my horse is still the strongest. (POLO considers.) MARCO POLO: Very well, Tegana. (TEGANA stumbles away but stops for a last word...) TEGANA: You, er, wait for me here. MARCO POLO: No, while we can, we'll push on towards the oasis. (TEGANA considers...) TEGANA: Right. (TEGANA leaves to fetch his horse. IAN calls out weakly after him.) IAN: Good luck, Tegana... MARCO POLO: We must go. (The group gets up and prepares to leave.) DOCTOR: Susan...help me up... (Suddenly, as SUSAN helps him, the DOCTOR collapses unconscious.) SUSAN: Oh, Grandfather! (IAN rushes over to assist.) SUSAN: What's the...what the matter with him? IAN: He's exhausted. MARCO POLO: We'll fix up a cot for him in the wagon. BARBARA: To be jostled and bumped about? He needs to rest in comfort, Marco. What about the TARDIS? (POLO hesitates...) IAN: He'd be more comfortable, Marco. (Still he doesn't answer. The three companions of the DOCTOR look at him pleadingly.) SUSAN: Please, Messr Marco! (POLO reaches a decision with reluctance.) MARCO POLO: Very well. The Doctor can travel in his own caravan. Susan, you can go with him. But you, Barbara, and you, Ian, must remain with me. IAN: Thank you. (He takes POLO to one side in order that the others don't hear him.) IAN: Marco...without water, the Doctor isn't going to last twenty-four hours. MARCO POLO: None of us are, Ian - without water. (Sighs.) Our fate rests with Tegana. [SCENE_BREAK] 29: EXT. OASIS (TEGANA has arrived at the oasis and is greedily drinking the water. Behind him are the remains of man-made structures - posts standing starkly against the desert sky. He fills a water gourd, and stands, triumphantly holding it to the sky.) TEGANA: Here's water, Marco Polo! (He tips the gourd and pours the contents over the sand by the pool.) TEGANA: Come for it!
doc_127	ACT I Scene 1 - KACL Frasier is finishing a segment. Frasier: And we'll be right back after this short news break. Gil enters. Gil: Frasier...I'm here to give you an advance tip. Frasier: Really? Roz enters from the booth. Roz: Hey, Gil. Gil: Roz! I'm about to review a divine new Italian trattoria I've discovered called "Bella, Bella." Frasier: Ah-ha. Gil: I'm alerting you now because once I review it, reservations will be impossible to come by. Frasier: Well, thank you, Gil, it's always gratifying to be a few minutes ahead of a trend. Gil: They make an osso bucco that's so divine I call it the "Veal Shank Redemption." They give Gil a courtesy laugh. Kenny enters. Kenny: Hey, guys. Frasier: Hello, Kenny. Kenny: Show's going great, Frasier, uh, only one thing missing, of course... Frasier: I know, I know, a new theme song. I'm sorry, I just haven't gotten around to it yet. Kenny: Well, Mrs. Delafield's been hounding me on this. She really thinks each show having a theme song will help hook the listeners. Gil's got his. Gil: My first choice was "Food, Glorious Food" from the show Oliver! Frasier: Ooh, that's a perfect match. Haute cuisine and a chorus of starving orphans. Gil: But then, a composer friend of mine came up with this little ditty for me [He sings:] Whether choosing a wine Or the best place to dine-- It's all a matter of taste (Yes, sir!) It's all a matter of taste! Kenny: Great, huh? Frasier politely nods. The tune is as lame as the lyrics. Gil: And the nicest thing is, he didn't take a penny for it! Frasier: Well, at least he has a conscience. He chuckles. Gil leaves, somewhat miffed. Frasier: You know, Kenny, I'm sorry for procrastinating this thing. I-I tell you, I'll get one as soon as I possibly can. Kenny: Well, you better come up with something here. I'm sorry to be a hard-ass. It's the part of my job I hate the most, but I need this thing on my desk by Monday...ish. Kenny smiles and leaves. Frasier: You know, Roz - hearing Gil's little ditty puts me in mind that maybe we should just do - ah, an original song. Roz: Well, my new boyfriend Leon is in a band. He could write one for you. Frasier: Well, actually, I was thinking of composing it myself. I am not without musical ability, you know. Roz: Could you at least hire Leon to accompany you? Frasier: I take it he's desperate for work? Roz: Hasn't had a gig in months. Music is all he knows. He's not good at anything else - except in bed. It's what he does best. Frasier: Yeah. How long did it take you to find that out? Roz: [about the show] Ten seconds, Frasier. Frasier: Oh, longer than usual. She returns to her booth and he replaces his headphones. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Frasier's apartment He opens the door to Niles. Niles: Frasier. Frasier: Oh, Niles. Oh, dear. We had dinner plans tonight, didn't we? Niles: Yes. Don't tell me you're canceling. Frasier: Well, I have to. I have a little project this evening. Niles: Oh. Would this have anything to do with this new theme song you promised your listeners? Frasier: As a matter of fact, it does. I've got to have something by Monday, and I thought I'd take advantage of a nice quiet evening at home. The loud sound of a vacuum is heard. Frasier: Oh. Daphne - Daphne! Would you please turn off that vacuum cleaner? Daphne enters with a fancy steam cleaner. Daphne: It's not a vacuum cleaner. It's the "Dirt Scourge 2000." A total cleansing system. Martin: [from his chair] Is it new? Daphne: Yeah. I got it this afternoon. You see, this water traps all of the dirt particles instead of recycling them back into the air. I got all that [indicating] from Dr. Crane's pillow. Niles examines the dirt. Martin: Ew. Niles: I've been begging you to switch to a more abrasive loofah. Daphne: Well, it would be the same for anyone. Dead skin, dust mites... that's what we're all sleeping on, only we don't know it. Martin: We do now. Geez. Martin rises and exits toward the kitchen. Daphne: This is the chance I've been waiting for. She turns on the machine and begins to apply it to Martin's chair. The machine begins to audibly struggle, and the water in the tank immediately turns black and brackish. Niles and Frasier watch with concern. She has barely started when it suddenly shorts out, sparks flying in an electrical explosion. When the smoke clears, Daphne walks back to the main part of the cleaner. Frasier: Well. Apparently the "Dirt Scourge 2000" is no match for the "Dirt Pile 1957." Daphne: Well, this is going back. On the commercial they clean all the mud off a hippopotamus. [She exits.] Frasier: Well, at least now I can get down to work. You know, Niles, I'm sorry again about dinner, but can I buy you a sherry? Niles: Oh... thank you. About this theme song of yours... why don't you just use a standard? Frasier: Actually, I want to compose one myself. I've always had an affinity for music, and I've often wondered what I might achieve if I just rolled up my sleeves and gave it a try. Martin: [re-entering] Didn't you write some kind of musical back in prep school? Frasier: Yes, I did, Dad. Niles was in it. You know, the whole school came out humming my opening anthem. Niles: They went in humming it. It was Beethoven's Ninth Symphony note for note. Frasier: [over Niles] It was not. Niles: It absolutely was. Frasier: It was not at all. Niles: [singing to the tune of the "Ode to Joy" theme from the finale of Beethoven's Ninth:] We are valiant men of honor Wenching, brawling sons of... Frasier: All right, all right, well, I suppose I may have borrowed a Note or two as a launching pad. Niles: [moving to the third, contrasting phrase of the Beethoven theme] Prancing, leaping, laughing... Frasier: All right, point taken. Niles: Over hill and... Frasier: Stop it! Niles: I'm just teasing. Actually, it was a wonderful show. I was very proud to be acting in it. Frasier: You know, Niles, you were wonderful in it as well. Niles: Well, thank you, I thought so. Frasier: Mm-hmm. Niles: I often thought if I'd kept at it, I could have been a professional actor. Frasier: Ah, you see, we all have a road not taken, some unfinished business worth exploring. Martin: Yeah, I always wanted to be a toe dancer, but a bullet ended my dream. Frasier and Niles shake off the sarcasm. Niles: Well, Frasier, if you need any help with this, I'm right here. Frasier: Thank you, Niles. You know, I'd rather handle the composing chores myself, but I could use a sounding board. Niles: Fair enough, let's put our heads together. Frasier: All right. Niles: Figuratively speaking, of course. I saw what came out of your pillow. They head back toward the piano. [SCENE_BREAK] A BRIDGE TOO FAR Scene 3 - Later that night Niles plunks out some notes on the piano. Frasier is standing. Niles: You know, I think this new bridge is the best thing you've written. Frasier: Really? Niles: Oh, absolutely. He sings to a jaunty tune, beginning with the notes he had plunked and accompanying himself: Niles: Claustrophobia Nymphomania He will probe ya He'll explain t'ya It's brilliant. Frasier: You know, it does have a Cole Porter-y, Stephen Sondheim-y flavor, doesn't it? Niles: Oh, absolutely. Sondheim-y would have killed to have written this. Frasier: You know what? I'm a little nervous. It just may be a bit too conventional. Perhaps instead of a regular bridge, I could substitute it with a dramatic monologue spoken against a musical background. Niles: [after a beat] I like it. Frasier: Of course, I would have to hire an actor. Niles: Yes, I suppose you could squander a lot of money on some so- Called professional... someone who doesn't know a thing about psychiatry. [reaching] Who doesn't understand the whole Gestalt. Frasier: Or maybe you could do it. Niles: I think so. Frasier laughs and taps him on the shoulder. Frasier: I will write you a speech that will challenge your entire histrionic range! This is so exciting! Let's play the chorus again. Martin enters from his bedroom. Martin: Hey, hey, Fras! I just got an idea for your little jingle. It came to me while I was brushing my teeth. [He sings:] What's new? I'm listenin' Feelin' blue? I'm listenin'... Cause, you know, that's what you say on your show. Feelin' sad, feelin' mad, feelin' glad, feelin' bad I'm listenin'! Daphne: [who has been seated at the dining table] Bravo! That's wonderful. Martin: Thanks, you know, it's catchy. That's what counts in a jingle. [N.B. Of interest: John Mahoney appeared on the Cheers episode "Do Not Forsake Me, O My Postman" as Sy Flembeck, a hapless jingle composer.] Frasier: [politely] Uh-huh, well, that's very, very nice, Dad, it's just that, well, you know, I did promise my listeners that I'd compose this myself. It's no fair cheating. Martin: Oh, well, it's not cheating, technically... Frasier: [cutting him off] Very good, Dad, very good, but thank you, and off you go. Martin: Okay, all right. He exits. Niles: Hey, um, Frasier, are you sure you want to modulate here? That may just complicate things. Frasier: Perhaps. You know, I'm just trying to make it interesting. To my ear, there's still something lacking, some tiny ingredient that's missing. I'm not sure what. Scene 4 - DISSOLVE to a rehearsal hall, where a full orchestra is tuning their instruments. Frasier stands on the conductor's podium. Frasier: [tapping his baton] All right, everyone. Let's try this again. We still have a few minutes before the choir gets here. He raises his baton and prepares to cue the opening. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT I ACT II Scene 5 - The rehearsal hall The choir has arrived. Frasier: Well, finally, the choir has deigned to join us. Director: Sorry, our bus broke down. We had to walk two miles to get here. Frasier: Ah, then I suppose we can dispense with the breathing exercises I was going to recommend. Please, if you would. [indicating the choir's risers behind the orchestra] Off you go. Niles, who has been sitting in front of the orchestra, rises. Niles: Uh, Frasier... did you mean to cut paragraph five of my monologue? Frasier: Gosh, I might have, Niles. I've just been so busy. What was the gist? Niles: A lighthearted lampoon of mental health care abuse. Frasier: Ah, yes, I did. I was afraid that some fussbudget might take offense at my jape about lobotomies. Niles: Well, I suppose it's best to play it safe, although I did Like the way you indicated manic depression with a slide whistle. Frasier laughs. Niles looks back at the orchestra. Niles: Do we really have to use so many musicians? Frasier: For the sound I want, yes. Niles: Whatever happened to the concept of "less is more"? Frasier: Ah, but if less is more, just think of how much more "more" will be. Niles stares at him quizically. Frasier: You may be seated. Niles takes his seat. Frasier: Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention, please, I'd like to take a few minutes to explain my artistic vision. Timpanist: Take as long as you want, we're all on the clock. Frasier: Point well taken, moving right along... Roz enters quickly with her boyfriend Leon. Roz: Frasier...I'm sorry we're late. We got stuck in traffic. Some stupid bus broke down. This is Leon. Leon looks like a starving folk-type musician, with long hair and a scruffy beard. Frasier: Ah, hello, Leon. Leon: Hey, Dr. Crane. Frasier: [shaking his hand] Lovely to meet you. Listen, why don't you help yourself to the refreshment table there. I need to have a few words with Roz. Leon moves away. Frasier: Roz, we've got a problem! In scoring this, I had to eliminate the guitar part. Roz: Well, put it back. Frasier: Well, I can't. I'm afraid another instrument might make Things sound cluttered... unless, of course, Leon can play the bagpipe. Roz: The bagpipe? Frasier: Yes! Our show deals with a whole range of human emotion from euphoria to despair, and nothing says despair so quickly as the skirl of a bagpipe. Roz: Nothing says "Turn off the radio" so quickly either. Isn't there something else he can play? Frasier: Well, uh... yes, yes! Actually, our triangle player called in with a touch of tinnitus. Here we are. Leon returns. Frasier: Leon, I have some good news for you. I had to eliminate the Guitar part, but I'm promoting you to first triangle. He hands him the triangle and its beater. Leon: Uh, I've never played one of these. It looks tricky. Frasier stares agape at Roz. Roz: I'll work with him. Frasier: Yes, off you go. They move to the percussion section. Frasier: Well, then, now people, before we start, are there any questions? The principal violist raises her hand. Frasier: Yes, viola. Tiffany: My name is Tiffany. Frasier: No, no no. I'm calling you by your instrument name, so as to avoid confusion. Tiffany: Oh, well I have a question about measure 34... Frasier: Ah... I thought you might. Yes, you see, I've accelerated the tempo there in order to depict the yearning of the superego. Very perceptive of you to spot that. Tiffany: No, I meant, are these eighth notes or what? Frasier: [miffed] Yes... eighth notes. Anyone else? The timpanist raises his hand. Frasier: Yes, timpani? Tiffany: You just answered my question. Frasier: Not Tiffany, timpani. Timpanist: What are we rehearsing this for? Are we going to record it? Frasier: Yes, actually, we are waiting for the final go-ahead from my station manager, and then we will be recording it, yes. Anyone else? Niles raises his hand. Frasier: Yes... actor. Niles: I'm just wondering how my monologue is going to be audible over all these instruments. Frasier: Oh, that's a good point, Niles. [beat] You may be seated. [after Niles sits] It is imperative that everyone play [pianissimo] during the spoken portions - very, very softly. That applies particularly to brass and timpani. Tiffany: Why me? Frasier: [incredulous at her dimness] To the drums, Tiffany. Martin and Daphne enter. Frasier: Oh, Dad, Daphne, I'm so glad you came! He embraces them. Daphne: Oh, well, after all, it is the world premiere of your theme song. Frasier: Now, I don't have to search you two for any hidden recording devices, do I? The last thing I need is some bootleg CD's flooding the marketplace. Martin: Boy, you really got everything here! Frasier: Oh, it's not a time for stinting, Dad. I've got everything from the African rain stick to the Javanese tam-tam. Martin: [at the refreshment table] Are the tam-tams the long ones with the cream in the middle? Kenny enters. Frasier: Oh, Kenny, Kenny! I'm so glad you made it. Listen, I think you're in for a bit of a surprise. Kenny: Well, I gotta tell you, I don't surprise easily. [seeing the orchestra] Whoa! Frasier: Our little ensemble. Heh-heh. Kenny: So many musicians... all working on a weekend. Kenny checks his watch. Frasier: Now, listen, I realize that we are a bit over budget, and I promise, I will pick up the difference myself. Kenny sits. Frasier: All right. The time has come to unveil my magnum opus. Just Let me do a little fine-tuning on the opening fanfare. He moves to the podium. Frasier: Uh, brass, if you will please, in four, the first measure? Frasier beats out a preparatory measure in 4/4. The trumpets play a very conventional fanfare flawlessly. Frasier: Well, you see, that's fine as far as it goes, but this time I want you to do it with a bit more... grandeur. With some majesty and a soupcon of awe. The trumpets play the fanfare exactly as before. Frasier turns to Kenny, Martin, Daphne, and Roz, who are seated behind him. Frasier: There, you see. That's what good conducting can do. Kenny gets a puzzled, concerned, incredulous look on his face. Frasier: All right, everyone. The time we have been waiting for is at hand. And with a simple bow of thanks to the muse Calliope, let us begin. And... The four audience members exchange a look of incredulity, not knowing what to expect. The maestro raises his baton, and we hear his magnum opus. He conducts a preparatory measure again, and the trumpets play the fanfare. This is followed by the strings, who settle into a conventional broadway-style vamp that doesn't seem to "fit" the preceding fanfare. After a harp glissando, the first chorus is then presented by three soloists and the choir. CHORUS 1 Soloist 1: (tenor) Who can you turn to for prompt diagnosis? Soloist 2: (soprano) A fetish or fantasy Soloist 3: (bass) s*x or psychosis Soloist 1: No problem at all, let us handle your call Choir: (unison) On our show! On our show! Prominent drum beats accompany "On our show!" Martin exchanges a glance with Daphne and Roz. CHORUS 2 Soloist 2: Bring us your traumas, your latent neurosis Soloist 1: Erectile disfunction (the "r" prominently rolled) Soloist 3: Bed-wetting narcosis Soloist 1: There's no need for shame, you can use a false name Choir: (unison) On our show! On our show! Frasier is delighted with the performance thus far. The orchestra now settles down to a suspenseful and quietly sustained chord. The musical material of the choruses is very clichéd Broadway/Disney-style fare, so the suspenseful film-score background chords and the overly dramatic delivery of Niles's following monologue is extremely incongruous: Niles: [rising] Who dares enter the dark labyrinth of the human mind? A percussion player draws a string bow across a metal object, producing an unpleasant whining sound. The orchestra changes harmonies to a higher chord. Frasier marks time with dramatic baton gestures as he prepares to cue the harmonic changes. Niles: What festering secrets are buried in the recesses of the subconscious? Another percussionist drags something across a gong, producing another unpleasant sound. Niles: Lurid images! Another harmonic shift upward comes with Niles's words, which are followed by the shaking of a circus-style rattle/whistle. Niles: Lewd desires! Yet another chord shift with Niles's line, followed by a slide whistle, which presumably illustrates the "lewd desires." Niles: Guilty pleasures! A chord shift with Niles again, and a "grunting" sound from the orchestra. Niles: Strange compulsions! One more harmonic shift with Niles, followed by a dissonant trombone splat. Niles, startled, stares at the trombone player. The strings then play a quick rising transitional passage, leading to a suspenseful high note. Niles: The whole catalogue of human behavior from the aberrant to the monstrous lurks behind a locked door to which one man holds the key! A huge beat of the gong (tam-tam), which startles the others, Particularly Martin... and then a harp glissando leads us back seamlessly to the broadway-style chorus music. Niles sits, grinning broadly. CHORUS 3 Soloist 1: (tenor) So if you are stymied to find a prognosis Soloist 2: (soprano)And ask yourself, just like Freud: Soloist 3: (bass) "Himmel, was los ist?" Frasier is particularly delighted with the German line. Soloist 1: Stop scratching your head, let us cure it instead Daphne and Roz chuckle. Choir: (unison) On our show! On our show! The little instrumental riff before "On our show!" is different in the three choruses. The following coda sounds as if it has been directly lifted from "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from "Mary Poppins." CODA Choir: (single note)Now here is the man to explain The tortured terrain of your brain The man who feels everyone's pain... Dr. Crane! Dr. Crane! Frasier Crane!! The choir finally harmonizes on the last "Crane." Leon's triangle has been featured prominently in the last shouts of "Dr. Crane." The final chord is drawn out in another broadway cliché, and after the cutoff, Leon provides a final triangle beat. Frasier lowers his baton, extremely proud of his opus. [N.B. The piece can be heard on the "Frasier" soundtrack CD.] Roz: [the only person applauding] Way to go, Leon! Daphne begins to applaud with hesitation. Martin is mystified. Kenny has an indescribable look of amazement and sits motionless. Frasier: Well, Kenny. What's your reaction? Kenny's facial expression remains frozen and he is motionless. Finally: Kenny: [hushed] Wow. Frasier: Takes your breath away, doesn't it? Kenny: [again] Wow. Frasier: I thought as much, and in anticipation of your approval, I had the forethought to order in a little bubbly. Niles, if you would help me, please? Niles joins Frasier and they run toward a backstage room, delighted. Frasier: [to Niles] Oh, you were wonderful! Niles: Thank you, the trombone frightened me. They exit. [SCENE_BREAK] Kenny: [again, the same] Wow. Martin: Well that was sure something, wasn't it? Daphne: I'll say. Sort of like Gilbert and Sullivan - only frightening. Kenny: A little jingle, that's all we wanted. Yeah, ten seconds to start the show. Roz: [trying to mediate] Well, maybe Frasier can cut this down... Kenny: [cutting her off] He gives me harps and drums and... people speaking German. All we wanted was a simple little jingle. Martin rises and gets some refreshments. Daphne: Probably more like the one you came up with. Tell him yours, Mr. Crane. Martin: No, no, no, it was nothing. I can't even remember how it goes. Daphne: Well, I do. [singing:] How are you? I'm listen... Martin: No, it doesn't go like that. Kenny: Well, then you sing it, Mr. Crane. Martin: Well, all right... but it's really nothing. He moves in front of them and sings his jingle: Martin: What's new? I'm listenin' Feelin' blue? I'm listenin'... Feelin' sad, feelin' mad, feelin' bad, feelin' glad I'm listenin'! Kenny: That's exactly the kind of thing we're looking for! Frasier and Niles re-enter over Kenny's speech. Kenny: You know, it sets the mood, it - it says it all. Did that just pop into your head? Frasier: [coming up behind him and handing him a glass] Hardly. It was gut-wrenching, but you know, it's nice to know that I made it look easy. He continues to hand out glasses of champagne. Kenny: No, no, no. I'm talking about your dad's little jingle. Martin beams. Frasier: [taken aback] Dad's? Kenny: Yeah, he just sang it. It's exactly the type of thing we need. You know, simple, catchy...you know, we ought to just use that one. Martin seems okay with this. Frasier: No, no, Kenny, no. I mean, if simple is what you wanted, you should have just said so. Kenny: I thought I did. Frasier: Well, obviously not. Now that I know what you want, well, there's nothing easier. Of course I can write simple. I promise you, it'll be something far more memorable than what my dad came up with. Kenny: Well, I don't know, I remember it...sings What's new? I'm listenin' Some of the choir members, including the soloists and director, take up the jingle. Choir: Feelin' blue? I'm listenin'... Feelin' sad, feelin' mad, feelin' bad, feelin' glad I'm listenin'! Frasier: [indignant and humiliated] You're off the clock! He exits in a huff. [SCENE_BREAK] IT'S WHY GERSHWIN'S TEETH WERE IMMACULATE Scene 6 - Frasier's apartment He is seated at the piano playing some ornate classical-style improvisation. He breaks it off and plunks out the last two lines of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." He places his head in his hand in frustration. Martin enters in his robe. Martin: Hey, Fras. How's it goin'? Frasier: "Merrily, merrily." Martin: Well, you know, it's getting kind of late. Maybe you should call it a night, huh? Frasier: Dad, you heard Kenny. I have to come up with something as simple as yours by Monday. By the way, thanks once again for completely upstaging me today. Martin: Oh, come on, I'm sorry I stole your thunder, but it's not like I did it on purpose. Frasier: I know. I know. I'm sorry. It's just... I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this. Martin: Well... maybe you're just thinking too much. I mean, look at me. I go to the bathroom, I'm flossing my teeth, and that song pops into my head. Martin sits at the dining table. Frasier: Are you suggesting that I bring out a spool of floss? Martin: Well, it might not be a bad idea, for a couple of reasons. Frasier joins him at the table. Martin: Frasier, why don't you just decide what you want to say and Say it? Not a lot of big words and showing off. You know, and the tune should be something simple - something you can whistle. I tried whistling that thing you wrote today, and I got lightheaded. Of course, it might have been that last doughnut. I went back for one of those African rainsticks. Ooh... He gestures with mild disgust. Frasier: The truth is, Dad, I've... I'm not sure I can do simple. Martin: Well, I don't know if you can't or if you just don't want to. And you know, some of the best things in the world are simple, Fras. Just like that art gallery you took me to a couple of months ago. Do you remember? You were oohing and ahhing at this painting of a big red dot. Frasier: Yeah, Dad, but there is a difference between simple and deceptively simple. Martin: Well, all I'm saying is that it's fine to be smart, but you shouldn't have to be proving it all the time, that's all. You know, just as an experiment, tell me what it is you're trying to say stripped down to nuts and bolts. Frasier: All right, um... in my first stanza, I want to represent myself as the... ombudsman between the conscious and subconscious minds of my listeners. Martin: Ah. Well, there you are, that's the song right there. All we need is a rhyme for "ombudsman" and we can go to bed. Frasier: Well, I was playing around with "north woodsman." Martin laughs gently. Martin: Oh, Frasier. Look, I'm going to tell you what your show's about: People have a problem, they're feeling low, they call you, you make them feel better. Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, Dad. Martin: Well, that's it! That's it. Why don't you just write about that? Frasier: How would that sound exactly? [He recites:] If you've got a problem If you're feelin' low Lookin' for some answers... Oh, gosh, now I'm stuck. How will I ever find a rhyme for "low"? Martin: Okay, smart-aleck. I was just trying to help. Frasier: Well, thanks, Dad. I'm sorry, you know, it's just not my thing. Martin: Okay, well, I'm going to bed. So, if you need any help tomorrow, all you got to do is ask. Frasier: Thanks, Dad. Martin exits toward his bedroom. Frasier returns to the piano, waits until he is gone, and sits. He begins to plunk out a catchy melody and sings to it: Frasier: If you've got a problem... If you're feelin' low Lookin' for some answers... Martin: [completing the verse rhyme and tune from offstage:] Things you need to know Frasier looks up, mildly indignant. FADE immediately to... Scene 7 - KACL We hear a catchy introduction, and then then Frasier's tune, sung in Andrews Sisters-style harmony by a group of female vocalists. Kenny, Roz, and Frasier are leaning over the desk listening to the recorded song. Vocalists: If you've got a problem If you're feelin' low Lookin' for some answers Things you need to know, All you've got to do is ask (tempo slows) All you've got to do is ask. A triangle dings to end the song. Frasier, Kenny, and Roz have been bouncing to the catchy jingle, and Frasier is proud of it, simple as it is. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT II [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier turns on his stereo and takes out his baton. He begins to conduct. Eddie enters and sits on Martin's chair. Eddie begins to "sing" and Frasier continues to conduct. Eddie seems to respond to the baton. Frasier is delighted and continues to beat time.
doc_128	Act 1 Scene 1 - An Airliner [Fade in. Lilith is sitting in first class reading a magazine. The man next to her (Albert) glances nervously at the window, then reaches across her to close the shade.] Albert: Sorry. I'm a nervous flyer. Lilith: Yes, I see. Oh, you're white as a sheet. Albert: No, actually, I'm always this pale. My ex-wife used to say she could tell when I was embarrassed because I'd turn off-white. Lilith: I can empathize. Sometimes after a late night, I covered my under-eye circles with Liquid Paper. So are you traveling to Seattle for business or pleasure? Albert: Both, hopefully. I'm relocating for work. How about you? Lilith: I need to ask an old friend for a favor. Albert: It's a long trip just to ask for a favor. Lilith: It's a big favor. Albert: Well I hope your friend complies. Lilith: It'll take some work, but I'll get what I want. [A flight attendant comes up.] Attendant: Oh, dear, you two look awfully pale. Can I bring you something? Lilith: Not unless you have any extra melanin lying around. [She leaves as Albert laughs.] Albert: You should be a comedian. Lilith: I've thought about it. [She goes back to her reading. Fade out.] Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. Martin is walking from the kitchen to his chair. When he hears keys in the door, he sets his beer down and hurries towards the bedroom. The door opens and Frasier comes in.] Frasier: Dad? Dad, Dad! What? Are you hiding? Martin: I heard the key in the door, I thought Lilith might be with you. What's she coming for anyway? Frasier: Well, I don't really know. She said she was flying across the country to ask me about something that was important. She's being very mysterious about it. [He hangs up his coat as the doorbell rings.] Martin: Is that her? Frasier: Well, no. No, Dad, I'm not seeing her until tomorrow. Martin: Well, let me know when she's coming, will you, so I can come up with an excuse to clear out. Because I'm not good at winging it. [Frasier opens the door. It is Lilith.] Frasier: Oh, Lilith. Hi. Look who's here, Dad. Lilith: Hello, Martin. [Martin smiles nervously, then glances at his watch.] Martin: Oh, time to go... practice my signature. [He heads for the bedrooms.] Frasier: Please, come on in, Lilith. So, I didn't think I was going to be seeing you 'til tomorrow. Lilith: Yes, I know that was the plan, but I just had to stop by on my way to the hotel. What I'm here to talk to you about is not something one just drops on another person. [gesturing for him to sit] Please. [He sits down.] Lilith: [sitting beside him] Frasier, recently a subconscious yearning has tunneled its way to the surface and I now know what it is I need in order to make my life complete. Frasier: Well, that's wonderful news. How can I help? Lilith: You can give me your sperm. Frasier: I beg your pardon? Lilith: I want to have another baby. Frasier: Well, you certainly don't need me for that. Surely... someone in Boston must have sperm. Lilith: I came to you first so that Frederick could have a full sibling. Frasier: So, just like that we're going to have another baby together. Lilith: No, not just like that. I mapped out our dominant and recessive traits on a genome square, applied Mendel's laws, allowed for anomalies and concluded that you are the best biological choice. Frasier: I see. Well, as enticed as I am by your honeyed words, I'm gonna need some kissin'. Lilith: Frasier, don't misunderstand, I'm not proposing any change in our relationship. Frasier: Would we... sleep together? Lilith: I thought we'd freeze your sperm. Frasier: Is that a "yes" or a "no"? Lilith: Natural fertilization is impractical. I'd have to fly to Seattle every time I ovulate. Frasier: [getting up] Right, okay. So, then your plan is for me to visit some local doctor, freeze my essence and then bring it home with you. Lilith: Correct. I'll take mine to go. [Frasier sits on the arm of Martin's chair.] Frasier: I don't know. I'm going to have to think about it. Lilith: [rising] Yes, of course, absolutely. Think about it, and you can give me your answer tomorrow. [She heads for the door, Frasier follows.] Frasier: Okay. Lilith: You can come back from around the corner now, Martin. Martin: [from around the corner] Good night, Lilith. Lilith: Good night. [She leaves.] Frasier: You were eavesdropping? [Martin comes into the living room.] Martin: It was an accident and I only heard the part about her wanting to have another baby with you. Frasier: She completely threw me. [Martin settles into his chair.] Martin: Well, I don't know why you're so surprised. She's seen what the Crane genes can do and she's coming back to the well. Frasier: How does one respond to something like that? Martin: Well, I bet if you say "No" she'll go to Niles. Frasier: Really, it's just so self-centered. I mean, she's got this all figured out for herself without the slightest consideration for my life. Martin: And Niles'll say "No" for sure. Which means only one thing. [He gets a worried look.] She'll come to the source. Me. The fountainhead. Frasier: What? Martin: Can you imagine? Lilith's and my kid would be brother to you and Niles AND Freddie. Frasier: What are you talking about? Martin: And if you and Lilith got back together, you'd be his step-father and his brother and Niles would be your son and his own uncle. It's almost worth doing just so that I can tell the story. [Frasier just waves this off as he heads to his room. Fade out.] Scene 3 - Cafe Nervosa [Fade in. Frasier is sitting at a table. Niles walks in.] Frasier: Oh, hi, Niles. Did Daphne and her mom get off okay? Niles: [sitting down] Yes. They picked up Roz and Alice an hour ago. Although, how they're going to get all the way to Canada without killing each other, I don't know. Frasier: Why did they have to go so far? Niles: Well, that was my idea. I read that Canadian Fun Country is one of the best amusement parks in southeastern British Columbia. Frasier: Well, I'm just saying Daphne's mom should be careful, you know. If you're here on a temporary visa, you know sometimes people have a hard time getting back into the country. Niles: [deadpan] That hadn't occurred to me, Frasier. [N.B. Niles no doubt recalls the family trip in [1.21.], "Travels With Martin," in which the Cranes strayed over the border before Daphne's green card had come through, and they had to smuggle her back posing as an American.] Frasier: Well, seeing as how you're single, I'd invite you to join me for dinner, but I'm meeting with Lilith tonight on a matter of some delicacy. Niles: Dad told me. Now listen, don't feel obligated because she's buying you dinner. Frasier: Truth be told, Niles, I hadn't ruled it out entirely. It would be nice to have another child. And Lilith is a wonderful mother. It's just that, well, is it right to create a human being with a woman to whom you couldn't stand being married? Niles: Well, I'm behind you whatever decision you make, the right one or the crazy one. Frasier: Thank you. [Niles calls out to the passing Barista.] Niles: Excuse me, may I have an espresso? [The waiter nods and heads off. Frasier notices an envelope Niles brought in.] Frasier: What have you got here? Niles: Oh, some snapshots from last summer at the beach. Daphne finally got them developed. [He shows them to Frasier who starts chuckling.] Frasier: Oh, there's Dad eating that hot dog he dropped in the sand. And you, in your linen beach ensemble. Niles: Very nice, yes. Well that's strange. Daphne said I'd particularly like the last picture on the roll but what is it? Frasier: It's hard to tell, it's too dark and blurry. Niles: Looks like the eye of Jupiter. Frasier: Or a slice of pepperoni Niles: Is it a flying saucer? Frasier: Yes, Niles, it's a flying saucer. Mystery solved, well done. [The Barista brings Niles's coffee over and sees the photo.] Barista: Hey, where'd you get the nipple shot? Frasier: Good lord! [Frasier and Niles look again in shock, then Niles clutches the photo to his chest.] Niles: You are to erase that from your mind. Frasier: Is it Daphne? Barista: Nice. Niles: You're not erasing! Erase! [The Barista heads off as Niles points a warning finger at Frasier. Fade out.] Scene 4 - Daphne's Car [Fade in. Daphne is driving, with Roz next to her and Alice and Gertrude in the back.] Roz: I need to stop again. Daphne: We just stopped. I told you not to get that Big Gulp. Roz: But it was only ten cents more. Alice: Punch buggy blue! [She hits Gertrude on the arm.] Gertrude: Ow! Dammit! Daphne: Language! Gertrude: Why does she keep doing that? Roz: It's a game. Gertrude: It hurts. Daphne: All right, mum. Roz: There's a gas station right there, I really need to stop. Daphne: I can't get over, you'll have to wait. Roz: But according to this, my bladder is holding "Thirsty-Two" ounces of soda. Daphne: It's only forty miles. Alice: Punch buggy red. [She hits Gertrude on the arm.] Gertrude: Oh! Son of a...! Daphne: Language! Roz: Alice, honey. Stop hitting Mrs. Moon. She can't take the punch buggy game. Gertrude: Oh, really? Punch buggy white! [She knuckles Roz on the shoulder.] Roz: Ow! It was a Jeep! Gertrude: I play the Jeeps. And Ford. Punch buggy Ford. [She whacks Roz on the head.] Roz: Ow! [Roz turns around to get her back.] Daphne: All right, that's enough. You stop it or no one's going to Canadian Fun Country. And this time I mean it! [They go for a minute in silence, then Gertrude screams and points, startling screams from everyone else.] Gertrude: I'm sorry. I thought you were on the wrong side of the road. I will never get used to the crazy way you drive over here. Daphne: Mum, you have to stop doing that. Roz: Daphne, you seem stressed. Do you want me to drive for a while? Daphne: Maybe once we get out of Seattle. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 5 - A Restaurant [Fade in. Frasier and Lilith are sitting at a table looking over menus.] Lilith: Frasier, I don't want to rush you, but the suspense is too much to bear. Have you decided? Frasier: I'm thinking about the linguini. Lilith: I see. It's "No," then, isn't it? Frasier: I'm sorry, Lilith. This was a very difficult decision for me and I am touched and flattered that you came to me, but I'm not sure I'd be doing it for the right reason. You understand, don't you? Lilith: Yes, I do. And I appreciate your taking the time to think about it. It's that kind of consideration I was hoping to pass on to our second born. Oh, well. So, the pasta is good here? Frasier: Oh, the best. [She glances at the menu some more, then begins to quietly sing to the tune of the "Ode to Joy" chorus of Beethoven's 9th.] Lilith: My dad is the gweatest dad because he cooks me Cweam of Wheat... Frasier: [glaring at her] Lilith, what are you singing? Lilith: Was I singing? Frasier: You were singing "My Dad Is the Gweatest Dad." Lilith: Oh, you mean that song Frederick wrote for you when he was four. Frasier: That video is one of my prized possessions. Of course I haven't looked at it in some time. Lilith: I remember the night we surprised you with it. He crawled up in your lap and said "Why is Daddy cwying?" Frasier: I see what you're doing, you know. Lilith: What? Frasier: You are attempting to manipulate me by invoking powerful emotional memories. Lilith: I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. [A waiter comes up.] Waiter: Are you ready to order? Lilith: Yes. I'll have the basgetti and beatmalls. Waiter: Mmm. Very good Miss. Lilith: That's what our son used to say when he was three. Waiter: Excellent. Frasier: And I'll have the veal. Waiter: Bravo, sir. [He takes the menus and heads away.] Frasier: Lilith, I'm afraid you're idealizing parenthood. Do you remember colic, teething, changing mountains of diapers? Lilith: Do you remember that time in the bath when he tried to eat the bubbles? We told him to stop, but we kept laughing so he thought it was funny and kept doing it. Frasier: You know, I'd forgotten that. Oh, I wish we had that on video. [She grabs his hand.] Lilith: You can, Frasier. We can have those days back again. Please, I just need is a couple of teaspoons. Frasier: Lilith! Lilith: Just think about what Frederick has meant in our lives. Frasier: I think about it every day. Lilith: Frasier, we're always seeking ways we can leave a legacy. Well, forget my research and your work, this is it! What better gift can we bestow on the world but another person as wonderful as Frederick? [Frasier signals the waiter passing by.] Frasier: Excuse me, I've changed my mind. I've decided that I too will have the basgetti and beatmalls. [Lilith looks up at him, grateful. Fade out.] End of Act 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Act 2 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa [Fade in. Niles is sitting at a table, Frasier is getting juice at the counter.] Frasier: Thank you. [He comes over to join Niles] Frasier: Gosh, that coffee smells so good. Lilith won't let me have any caffeine until I've made my little donation. [He sits down.] Niles: Of course. Frasier: So, have you heard from Daphne? Niles: No, we keep missing each other. I'm just glad I have our little... pictorial memento to keep me company. Frasier: I can't believe you're so taken with that blurry, over-exposed photo of a... Niles: Shh!! Frasier: Of what you first mistook to be a flying saucer! Niles: I just think it's sexy that she even did it. Just imagine it: she saw that there was one picture left on the roll, and in a spontaneous moment of brazen exhibitionism, she threw open her blouse and didn't even bother to adjust the f-stop. Yes indeed, I am married to one spicy meatball. [He opens his jacket and checks the picture.] Frasier: Good lord! Don't tell me you carry it around with you. Niles: Well, I didn't want the housekeeper to find it and think we were pornographers. [Frasier just takes this in stride. Fade out.] SOME MAGAZINES, A SPECIMEN CUP, AND A RECORDING OF "TRISTAN UND ISOLDE" Scene 2 - The Fertility Clinic [Fade in. Frasier and Lilith are checking in.] Nurse: Just fill out these forms and I can show you to one of our donation suites. [Fraser takes a clipboard and he and Lilith sit. As he fills out the form, the man across from him glances up.] Man: Will this be your first? Frasier: No, I've been doing this since I was twelve. [Lilith kicks him gently.] Frasier: You mean baby. No, no, this is our second. Man: We've got number four on the way. Lilith: And we're thrilled for you, but perhaps we could chat some other time when we're not trying to create life. [to Frasier] Sign and date. Frasier: Right. [He finishes up the form and Lilith takes it back to the window.] Man: This process can be hard on a relationship, but she'll relax and things'll get better. Frasier: We're already divorced. Man: Good, 'cause she'll never change. [The man's wife slaps him on the shoulder at this. Lilith comes back.] Lilith: Up and at 'em. [He gets up.] Nurse: Follow me, sir. [She leads him to a room.] Nurse: Just go in and make yourself comfortable. You'll find everything you need in the cabinet. Frasier: Thank you. [He starts in, but Lilith stops him.] Lilith: Oh, wait Frasier. It probably doesn't matter, but try to think positive thoughts. Frasier: Thanks for that. I was going to think about the plight of the American Indian. Lilith: I'm just saying we should put the welfare of the sample first. [He goes into the room and closes the door. Lilith turns away, then turns back and taps on the door.] Frasier: [from inside] Yes? Lilith: And don't fall asleep afterwards, I want to get these puppies on ice ASAP. Frasier: Goodbye now. [She starts away, but turns back again, tapping on the door.] Lilith: Just a hint... Frasier: Lilith! If there is ONE thing I can do BY MYSELF, this is it! Now go away. [She heads back to the seats.] Nurse: Right this way. [She leads the other couple off as Lilith sits down and dials her cell phone. A cell phone rings in Frasier's donation suite. He yanks the door open, furious.] Frasier: What?! Lilith: I just remembered a special method which supposedly increases the likelihood of having a boy. Frasier: I see. Is there something I can do to increase the likelihood that we won't have a meddling control freak? Lilith: No, but perhaps you can use a method that will give us a baby that can take other people's advice. Frasier: I would settle for a method where it won't turn out to be a sarcastic prig! Lilith: Oh, just do it! Frasier: Fine! Lilith: Wait, I don't want you to do it when you're mad. Why don't we just take a minute to sit down and breathe? Frasier: It's your dime. [He comes out and sits down beside her.] Frasier: Oh, dear God. What if this child inherits all of our flaws instead of our strengths? We could create a real nightmare. Lilith: That's not going to happen. It's going to be exactly the way it was the first time. Frasier: Is that what's going on here? Are we trying to create a baby or just trying to recreate the past? I mean, Frederick's almost grown now, it's only natural to feel a sense of loss. Lilith: Frasier, don't be simplistic. Frasier: No, Lilith, I know what you're going through. You want to feel needed and loved as you were when you were a new mother. The past can be very seductive. I mean, I've fallen into it too: I'm trying to relive Freddie's childhood. You can't use the past to fill what's missing in the present. It's gone. Lilith: Frasier, I've done a lot of thinking and this feels right to me. Frasier: But it's not right for me. I'm sorry. Lilith: I'm sorry too. [They get up and hug.] Frasier: You all right? Lilith: I'm fine. If I can't make anther little Frederick with you, there's always cloning. [Frasier's jaw drops.] Lilith: And you still don't know when I'm joking. Frasier: I, well, I... [He grabs his coat.] Frasier: Lilith, what are you going to do now? Lilith: Well, I'm going to go home and give Frederick a very big hug. [She opens the door.] Lilith: And maybe swab the inside of his cheek. Frasier: Oh, stop that! [They head out. Fade out.] Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. Martin is in his chair, eating a snack. Niles comes in the front.] Niles: Oh, you already ate. I was gonna take you to Bogart's. Martin: Bogart's? [putting the dish down] Oh, don't worry about that, I was just eatin' it because it was here. I wasn't eatin' it to get full. Just give me two minutes. [He gets up and heads for his room. As Niles sits on the couch his cell phone rings and he answers.] Niles: Hello? Daphne: [voice over] Oh, Niles, darling. Niles: Daphne! [Cut to - Daphne and the others in her car.] Daphne: I thought I'd never reach you. We were booted from the park and are coming home. It seems someone put out a cigarette on a stuffed moose. Gertrude: I didn't know it was stuffed, I was defending myself. Niles: [v.o.] I loved those pictures you left for me. [Cut to - Niles on the couch.] Niles: More specifically, the last one. [He pulls it out of his pocket.] Daphne: [v.o.] Something a little different, eh? Niles: Indeed it is. I can't even believe you took it. [Cut to - Daphne.] Daphne: I didn't take it, your father did. [Cut to - Niles.] Niles: No, I don't think so. I'm talking about the last picture on the roll, the close-up. [Cut to - Daphne.] Daphne: Yeah. You're father was trying to get a picture of Eddy, but instead he got a picture of his own chest. [Cut to - Niles looking troubled.] Niles: This is Dad's...? [Cut to - Daphne.] Daphne: That's his nipple. [Cut to - Niles looking horrified. Martin comes in as Niles slowly rises.] Martin: Oh, I can't wait to get to Bogart's. I know just what I'm going to get: the barbecue chicken breast. They have the juiciest one in town. Or, or the lamb. They serve an enormous rack. Niles: [flustered] Great. Martin: You might want to get an overcoat of Frasier's out of there. It's supposed to be pretty nippy tonight. [Niles, troubled, grabs the coat. Frasier comes in.] Frasier: Oh, hi Dad. Where are you going? Martin: Oh, Niles is here. We're just going out for a bite. You want to join us? Frasier: Sure. Martin: So, how's Lilith? Frasier: I just dropped her off at the airport. She's disappointed, but she knows that we're doing the right thing. Martin: Well, for what it's worth, I think you are too, son. Frasier: Thanks, Dad. I just hope she finds what's missing in her life. [Dissolve to - Lilith on the airplane, looking out the window. Someone approaches.] Albert: Hey, pasty. [She looks up and sees the man who was sitting next to her when she flew in to Seattle.] Lilith: Oh, hello. Albert: May I? Lilith: Yes, certainly. [He sits down.] Lilith: What happened? I thought you were relocating to Seattle. Albert: Oh, it wasn't a fit. I'm going back to Boston. I don't know, call me neurotic, I just can't work in a lab that's not immaculate. Lilith: You work in a lab? Albert: Mm-hmm. I'm a physicist. Lilith: Really? [She looks at him speculatively.] Lilith: My name's Lilith. [They shake hands.] Albert: Ah, the demon-goddess. Are you like the independent fireball that was your predecessor? Lilith: I make her look like a vacillating cream puff. Albert: Albert. [They shake hands again.] Albert: What happened with your friend? Did you get your favor? Lilith: It's a long story. Albert: Well, it's, it's a long flight. [She smiles at him and settles in to talk. Fade out.] [SCENE_BREAK] Niles is at Frasier's apartment, glancing around furtively. He pulls the photo out of his pocket and reels from the image of what he's been fantasizing over, falling into Martin's chair, then reeling away from it. He does an antsy little dance, then tears the photo up. He walks into the kitchen and throws it away. Martin is busy at the counter and turns around, holding up two plates with white scoops of ice cream with cherries on top. He offers one to Niles who just turns and marches away. Martin shrugs reflectively and turns back with a "more for me" smile on his face.
doc_129	1.16 - Star-Crossed Lovers and Other Strangers teleplay by John Stephens and Linda Loiselle Guzik story by Joan Binder Weiss OPEN IN STARS HOLLOW (Miss Patty narrates a story in the background as the camera pans around town as locals prepare for a festival.) MISS PATTY: This, boys and girls, is the story of true love. A beautiful girl from one county; a handsome boy from another. They meet and they fall in love. Separated by distance and by parents who did not approve of the union, the young couple dreamed of a day that they could be together. They wrote each other beautiful letters. Letters of longing and passion. Letters full of promises and plans for the future. Soon the separation proved too much for either one of them to bear. So, one night, cold and black with no light to guide them, they both snuck out of their homes and ran away as fast as they could. It was so dark out that they were both soon lost and it seemed as if they would never find each other. Finally, the girl dropped to her knees, tears streaming down her lovely face. 'Oh, my love. Where are you? How will I find you?' Suddenly, a band of stars appeared in the sky. These stars shone so brightly they lit up the entire countryside. The girl jumped to her feet and followed the path of the stars until finally she found herself standing right where the town gazebo is today. And there waiting for her was her one true love, who had also been led here by the blanket of friendly stars. [Camera stops on Miss Patty's dance studio, where she is telling the story to a group of children.] And that, my friends, is the story of how Stars Hollow came to be, and why we celebrate that fateful night every year at about this time. Now, we still have a little time left in our story hour. Who wants to hear about the time I danced in a cage for Tito Puente? KIDS: [raising hands] Me! MISS PATTY: It was the summer of 66 .. (Opening Credits) CUT TO BUS STOP (Dean is waiting on the bench as Rory steps off the bus.) RORY: So? DEAN: It's depressing. RORY: It's beautiful. DEAN: She throws herself under a train. RORY: But I bet she looked great doing it. DEAN: I don't know. I think maybe Tolstoy's just a little over my head. RORY: No, that's not true. Tolstoy wrote for the masses, the common man. It's completely untrue that you have to be some kind of genius to read his stuff. DEAN: Yeah but RORY: Now I know it's big. . . DEAN: Very big. RORY: And long. . . DEAN: Very, very long RORY: And many of the Russian names tend be spelled very similar, making it confusing DEAN: Every single person's name ends with 'ski'. Now how is that possible? RORY: But it's one of my favorite books. And I know that if you just give it a try you... DEAN: All right. I'll try again. RORY: Really? DEAN: Yeah. RORY: You won't be sorry. DEAN: Coffee? RORY: Please. DEAN: Man, I thought Christmas was a big deal around here. RORY: Well, this is a town that likes the celebrating. Last year we had a month long carnival when we finally got off the septic tank system. DEAN: A month long? You're kidding. RORY: No. There were rides and a petting zoo and balloon animals and a freak show. DEAN: Uh huh. Okay, you almost had me going there for a second. RORY: Well we did have a ribbon cutting ceremony. DEAN: So what are you doing Friday night? RORY: Well, I've got the usual Friday night grandparents' dinner. But I thought maybe if we get back early enough you and I should go watch the bonfire together. I mean, it's kind of corny, but it's really pretty. And they sell star-shaped hot dogs. DEAN: How about if you get out of dinner at your grandparents' this week? RORY: I don't think so. DEAN: Well, what if it's for a really special occasion? RORY: Well, that special occasion better include my being relocated to a plastic bubble if my grandmother's gonna let me out of dinner. DEAN: There must be some other excuse that you could use. RORY: Like what? DEAN: Like it's your three-month anniversary with your boyfriend. RORY: It is? DEAN: Yeah. Three months from your birthday. I mean, that's when I gave you the bracelet and that's when I figured this whole thing kinda started. RORY: Wow. Three months. DEAN: Actually, technically your birthday was on a Saturday, so really it should be Saturday, but I work Saturday and I planned out this whole big thing so I thought maybe we could do it on Friday. RORY: What whole big thing? DEAN: Just this once. Miss dinner. Please. Don't make me throw myself under a train. RORY: I'll see what I can do. DEAN: Thank you. RORY: You're welcome. It's our three-month anniversary. DEAN: Yeah it is. RORY: I feel kind of stupid that I didn't even know about this. DEAN: That's quite all right. RORY: I mean, I feel really bad that I missed our two-month anniversary. DEAN: Quite all right too. RORY: How was it? DEAN: Pretty good. RORY: I'm glad. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE (Lorelai is sitting at the kitchen table reading a box of Hamburger Helper. Rory walks in.) RORY: No, put that away. LORELAI: I wanna cook. RORY: You can make soup. LORELAI: No. I wanna really cook like on the Food Channel. I wanna sauté thing and chop things and do the BAM, and I wanna arrange things on a plate so they look like a pretty little hat. I wanna be the Iron Chef! RORY: Fine. LORELAI: Really? RORY: Yeah, I'll help. L: Okay. I need a pan. R: And a fire extinguisher. L: Funny, funny girl. Now, if I had only bought some hamburger. R: You didn't buy hamburger? L: Yes I bought hamburger. I just like saying things like that so you look at me like I'm crazy. R: So, tell me, why the sudden need to be domestic? L: Ah, I don't know. I'm in like a funky mood. R: Why? L: Too many stars, too much love, it makes me cranky. R: I take it you haven't heard from Mr. Medina? L: Hmm, no. I haven't. R: Maybe that's why you're cranky. L: Okay, new subject please. R: You know, you have a phone also. L: How's it coming with that pan? R: Cleopatra, queen of denial. L: The pan, Chucky. Please. R: Okay fine. New topic. L: Thank you. R: I have this huge favor to ask you. L: Oh, something I can hold over your head. Let's hear it. R: Friday night is Dean's and my three-month anniversary. L: Three months? Wow. R: And Dean apparently has some big fancy evening planned for us. L: Very classy of him. R: Yes it is. But for me to actually partake of the foresaid fancy evening, I have to get out of Friday night dinner. L: Ah. R: Yeah. L: Good luck with that. R: Mom! L: Do you know how much Emily Gilmore will not care about your three-month anniversary? R: I was thinking you could talk to her. L: If there was a runoff between what Emily Gilmore would care about less, a two-for-one toilet paper sale at Costco or your three month anniversary, your anniversary would win, hands down. R: So you're not even gonna try to help me? L: Oh no, I'm gonna try to help you, because I care. Emily Gilmore, however. . R: Phone please. L: Okay. [Lorelai walks over to the phone. She laughs.] R: What? L: Nothing. It's just, 'Oh, hey Mom, uh, Rory and Dean are having their three month anniversary on Friday.' 'Really Lorelai? Why that's wonderful. I'm thrilled.' R: Stop. L: 'Three months. Well, woohoo. Hold on, I'm going to cartwheel.' R: Forget it. L: Oh, no wait. She's telling my dad now. Why, I think they're cabbage patching. R: That's it. Find your own pan. EMILY: Hello? L: Mom? EMILY: Lorelai? L: Uh, yes, hi. EMILY: Hello. L: Hi. How are you doing? EMILY: I'm doing fine. L: That's good. EMILY: I'm pleased. L: How's Dad? EMILY: What do you want Lorelai? L: Um, I was just calling to say hello. EMILY: And now you have. L: Okay, good. EMILY: Was there anything else that you wanted to add to that hello? L: Well, as a matter of fact, there is. EMILY: Ah ha. L: Um, you know Rory. EMILY: Yes, I believe I do. L: She wanted to say hello too. EMILY: Lorelai, I'm late for a meeting. I'd love to know why. L: Mom, just hear me out, okay, and don't say anything. Um, see Friday night is Rory and Dean's three-month anniversary, and while that might not seem like a very big deal to you, it is to them. And I'm gonna ask you to do something you are so not gonna wanna do. But I am begging you to look at it from her point of view and maybe, just maybe let her, just this once, not come to dinner on Friday. EMILY: All right. L: What? EMILY: Since this is a special occasion, I suppose it would be fine if Rory missed dinner on Friday. L: It would? EMILY: Yes R: Mom? L: Are you sure? EMILY: I believe I am. L: No arguments? EMILY: No. L: Well, she wont be there. EMILY: I understand. L: At all. EMILY: I heard. L: All night long. EMILY: I assumed as much. L: Okay. EMILY: Okay. L: All right. EMILY: Anything else? L: Uh, you know, she's gonna need some help getting ready for the big night Mom, so I should probably. EMILY: We'll see you at seven. L: Okay. Right. Bye. R: So? L: The world is officially coming to an end. CUT TO CHILTON (Tristin and Summer are kissing in front of some lockers.) MADELINE: And they're off. PARIS: The bell just rang three seconds ago. How did they get lip locked so fast? MADELINE: I want a boyfriend to make out with. LOUISE: Ty Tolson likes you. MADELINE: I want to different boyfriend to make out with. PARIS: I can't get to my locker. LOUISE: I'm sure they'll move if you ask nice. You know, dangle a hotel key in front of their faces. PARIS: This is a school. You don't do this in a school. LOUISE: Not unless you've got a boyfriend like Tristin. Then you do it anywhere you can. MADELINE: Street corner. LOUISE: Shopping mall. MADELINE: Phone booth. LOUISE: Starbucks. PARIS: Thank you for the "where to make out" list, I just need to get my books. LOUISE: Hell hath no fury. PARIS: [walks over to her locker] Excuse me. You're in my way. Hey, spawn in front of somebody else's locker please. RORY: I'm assuming your locker's in there somewhere also. PARIS: Yup. Right behind Belle Watling. RORY: Have you tried to get their attention? PARIS: Sure have. RORY: No luck? PARIS: Nope. RORY: God, look at that. It's like he's eating her face. PARIS: Okay, that's it. I'm getting the fire hose. RORY: Let me try first. Hey, could you two just move this whole thing down to the left a little? TRISTIN: What? RORY: You're standing in front of the lockers. PARIS: Our lockers. TRISTIN: Oh sorry. Just got a little carried away. RORY: Right. TRISTIN: Hey Paris. PARIS: Hey. SUMMER: You should get bangs. PARIS: Thanks for the tip. SUMMER: You have a long forehead. Bangs would hide that. MADELINE: Hey, party at my house Saturday. LOUISE: Dress to impress please. MADELINE: Come? (hands flyer to Rory) RORY: Oh, I don't know. MADELINE: You can bring your boyfriend. RORY: I'll see. SUMMER: So, meet me after biology? TRISTIN: And if I don't? SUMMER: You will. TRISTIN: Oh, yes I will. Ah. To be young and in love. PARIS: What a shame Elizabeth Barrett Browning wasn't here to witness this. She'd put her head through a wall. CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN (Lorelai walks through the lobby into the kitchen where Jackson and Sookie are kissing.) LORELAI: Oh, now people, this is a kitchen. At least wear some hairnets. SOOKIE: Lorelai, hello. Uh, we were, uh. . . JACKSON: Just discussing jam making. SOOKIE: Jackson's gonna start making jam and preserves. JACKSON: Maybe tomato sauce. SOOKIE: Yeah, there's a whole world out there beyond growing vegetables. LORELAI: No coffee? SOOKIE: Sorry. LORELAI: That's okay. Resume smooching. SOOKIE: Thank you. CUT TO INN LOBBY (Michel talking on phone) MICHEL: No cherie. I can't wait either. Very soon. You are? Ohhh. Don't tease me. I promise all this waiting will be worthwhile. I'll see you then. Goodbye darling. LORELAI: So how's mom? MICHEL: And while normally I would look forward to a good verbal sparring match, today I say no. My heart is light, the world is fine and I have a date for Saturday night. Your turn. LORELAI: What I need now is lots and lots of coffee. CUT TO CENTER OF TOWN (Lorelai walking through Stars Hollow while locals prepare for the festival.) MAN: Heads up! (A large papier mache star falls in front of Lorelai) LORELAI: Agh! MAN: Hey, you okay? LORELAI: Yeah, I'm fine. MAN: Man, that has never happened before! LORELAI: Really? How about that. CUT TO LUKE'S (Lorelai walks in and sits at the counter.) LORELAI: I was almost crushed by a papier mache star. How's your day? LUKE: Well, it's looking pretty good now. LORELAI: Coffee please, no shot of cynicism. LUKE: So, why so cheery? LORELAI: I don't know. I'm just in a mood. I don't know why. LUKE: But there's no particular reason for this mood? LORELAI: No. LUKE: Uh huh. LORELAI: You don't believe me? LUKE: No, I believe you. If you say there's no reason for the mood, then there's no reason for the mood. You're simply nuts. LORELAI: Or bipolar. That's very big nowadays. (Miss Patty and Taylor are arguing at a table behind Lorelai.) TAYLOR: No, no, Patty, you're wrong. They built the fire to throw themselves on it when their families found them MISS PATTY: Taylor you're crazy! They built the fire so that they could stay warm their first night here. TAYLOR: Patty, I am the recording secretary for the Stars Hollow City Council, I think I know how my town was founded! LORELAI: Ugh, can nobody talk about anything else but this stupid festival? [pause] That came out a lot louder then it was supposed to, didn't it? LUKE: Yup. LORELAI: Yup. TAYLOR: This festival is commemorating the founding of our town, young lady. LORELAI: I know Taylor. I'm sorry. LUKE: She's bipolar. MISS PATTY: Really? But you're so young. LUKE: Uh, can I get you two anything else? MISS PATTY: Oh, no thank you, sweetheart. LORELAI: I don't know what is wrong with me. This is a beautiful festival. People should be enjoying it. LUKE: It's a crazy festival based on a nutty myth about two lunatics, who in all probability did not even exist. And even if they did, probably dropped dead of diphtheria before age 24. The town of Stars Hollow probably got its name from the local dance hall prostitute. Two rich drunk guys who made up the story to make it look good on a poster. LORELAI: You are full of hate and loathing, and I gotta tell you, I love it! LUKE: Oh, it's so good to have somebody share this hate with. LORELAI: My pleasure. LUKE: More coffee? LORELAI: Yeah please. Hey, tomorrow, if you have time, I'm planning on despising everyone who says 'Hey, how's it going?' LUKE: You're on. RACHEL: Hey, how's it going? LORELAI: Oh, now that' s just too easy. LUKE: Rachel. LORELAI: Rachel? Your Rachel? You're Rachel? RACHEL: Yup. I'm Rachel. LUKE: What are you I mean, I thought you were in the Congo or Philadelphia or something. RACHEL: Actually, though very similar to both the Congo and Philadelphia, I was in the Mideast. LUKE: Oh. Guess that postcard must've gotten lost. RACHEL: Yeah, yeah, well things pretty crazy over there, not a lot of writing time. But I finished up my assignment, and I flew back to Chicago and I was walking through O'Hare, and I look up and there's a plane leaving for Hartford in like 20 minutes, and all of a sudden, I'm on it. LUKE: Nice story. RACHEL: I should have called. LUKE: No. You it's fine. RACHEL: You look good. LUKE: Thanks. You um, you look, you, you uh look LORELAI: He thinks you look good too. Right? LUKE: Right. LORELAI: And you do. RACHEL: Thank you. LORELAI: I'm Lorelai. LUKE: Oh yeah. She's Lorelai. LORELAI: I'm Luke's friend. LUKE: Yeah. She uh, uh, works at the Independence Inn. LORELAI: I run it, actually. LUKE: Sorry, she runs it. RACHEL: Wow, I love that place. LORELAI: Oh! RACHEL: That must be a pretty big job. LORELAI: It is! It's crazy. There's always something happening. Like, we just put these coffee makers in all the rooms, but only half of them work. They just like shake and gurgle, like they're having some kind of a fit. Why were you in the Mideast? RACHEL: I was doing a photo story, on how Palestinian and Israeli families have been affected by the violence. LORELAI: Uh huh, well, so you understand about the job pressure. RACHEL: Yeah. LORELAI: I'm gonna go. RACHEL: Please, don't let me drive you away. LORELAI: That's okay, you're not. I have to go sit in a closet or something. So, it was really nice to meet you. RACHEL: Yeah, you too. LORELAI: Okay, bye. (Lorelai leaves) RACHEL: So. . .hi. LUKE: Hi. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE (Lorelai is combing Rory's hair in Rory's bedroom.) LORELAI: 'Oh, we got new coffee makers.' Ugh! What was I thinking? RORY: Well, you spent a lot of time picking out those coffee makers. L: Oh yeah, I'm Mrs. Coffee. R: Ow! Okay, I'm still attached to the head. L: Okay, sorry. I'm a little worked up. R: Mom, it just Luke's ex-girlfriend. L: I know. I just hate that I made myself look so stupid in front of R: Luke? L: No, Rachel. She was standing there, fresh off a plane, and she had no plane hair at all might I add. R: And what exactly is plane hair? L: You know, it's all big and all bah. R: Got it. L: And he's staring at her like she's Miss September and she's looking at him like he's Johnny Depp, and I was just babbling like a moron, what is wrong with me?! R: Ow! Ow! Okay, you are now officially off hair duty. L: Aw, I'm sorry. I just R: No, it's okay. I just think it's a little early for Dean to see me completely bald. L: Right, that's more a six-month thing. R: So what's going on with you? L: I don't know. It's just all this love in the air, you know. I miss Max. There's just been so much going on with your Dad coming home and family stuff and your constant existence R: Thanks for the love. L: Any time. So I haven't had a lot of time to focus on it and I miss Max. R: I know. L: I had a dream about him the other night. R: Really? Dirty? L: No, absolutely not. And when you're 21, I'll tell you the real answer. Anyway, it's put me in a funk since then. R: I'm sorry. L: Me too. We could talk about me for years, and believe me, we will. But let's focus on you, the lady of the evening. No hooker reference intended. R: Glad to hear it. L: Now, what are you gonna wear with that? R: Um, you tell me. L: Uh, where is he taking you? R: Why? L: Well, you don't want to clash with the decor. A lady plans ahead. R: Well, if you must know, he's taking me to Andoloro's. L: Oh, well isn't that romantic? R: I know! L: Wow, it's gonna be just like Lady and the Tramp. You'll share a plate of spaghetti, but it'll just be one long strand, but you won't realize it until you accidentally meet in the middle. And then, he'll push a meatball towards you with his nose, and you'll push it back with your nose, and then you'll bring the meatball home and you'll save it in the refrigerator for years and. . . R: Mom? L: Uh, neither. Just wear your coat. R: Okay. L: But your flower's just a little smushed. LANE: (calls from front hallway) Rory? L: There you go, you're all set. LANE: Is anyone here? R: You all right? L: Oh yeah, you look beautiful. Go. RORY: Lane? LANE: Oh my God! CUT TO FRONT HALLWAY LANE: I just can't believe it! RORY: I know! LANE: I mean, three months, that's like one sixty-fourth of your life! R: I know! LANE: I have to stop hanging out with you. I mean, you're just making my life seem too pathetic. LORELAI: Join the club. R: Are you going to the festival? 'Cause maybe we could meet you there later. LANE: Oh yeah, that would be romantic. R: Lane. LANE: Yes, I'm going to the festival. And would you like to know why? L: Uh oh! LANE: My mother has once again set me up. R: Another future doctor? LANE: A future chiropractor. I think she's losing confidence in my prospects. R: Maybe he'll be nice. LANE: Oh, it's not just him. We're going with his parents, his grandparents, two sisters, three brothers and at least one maiden aunt. (A car honks from outside) R: That's Dean. LANE: Remember, you have to tell me everything. R: Okay. You too. LANE: Oh yeah. After the walking, the silence, the sitting and the 'buh bye', that's when the fun will begin. R: I wanna know anyhow. Bye Mom. L: Bye honey, have fun. R: Okay. L: Don't forget the meatball. LANE: The meatball? L: It's a mother-daughter thing. (Rory leaves) LANE: So, think I can hang out with you for awhile? L: Oh, uh, not unless you wanna go to Hartford. Besides didn't anyone ever tell you, it's not polite to keep fifteen prospective Korean in-laws waiting. LANE: You can run over me on your way out. Maybe my mother wouldn't make me go if I was in the hospital. L: I wouldn't count on it. LANE: Yeah, you're right. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE (Lorelai is on the front porch finishing her coffee. Emily opens the door before Lorelai rings the doorbell.) EMILY: You're late. LORELAI: How did you do that? EMILY: What? LORELAI: Answer the door before I even rang the bell. EMILY: I thought I heard something, I came to the door, you were there. Come in please. (Lorelai walks in.) LORELAI: You thought you heard something? EMILY: Yes. L: Mom, that door is like ten feet thick. EMILY: So? L: Well, so, it wasn't like I was standing out there with a band of jackals, I was just drinking coffee. EMILY: Lorelai, what is it that you want to hear? That I was standing by the window, staring out at the driveway, waiting to pounce the moment you arrived. L: Yes, because believe it or not, that would be less creepy. EMILY: Get yourself a drink, please. (Lorelai walks into living room. Richard is on the couch reading the newspaper.) L: Hey Dad. RICHARD: Lorelai. L: Sorry I'm late. I was helping Rory get ready for her big date, and well, you know girls. RICHARD: Mm hmm. L: So. . . um, how's work? RICHARD: Oh, work is fine. L: Yeah? Good, good. My work's fine too. RICHARD: Uh huh. L: Oh God. Mom has gone a little crazy with the figurines here, huh? A little Kathy Bates. Although you probably haven't seen Misery, which is a good thing because Rory couldn't sleep alone for a week after we watched it. That wouldn't be a problem for you because you don't sleep alone anyway. I'm guessing. I don't know what your and mom's sleeping arrangement is. Now I'm wishing I hadn't brought it up because it's such a 'Wow, don't wanna go there' kind of a subject. For me, not for you, because you should definitely go there if you uh, well anyway. Agh! RICHARD: Oh, what have you done now? L: Nothing. I just, well, I'm putting the bunny back with his little friends and I just sort of massacred them a little bit, but that's life in the jungle isn't it? RICHARD: Just sit down, please. L: Okay, sorry. RICHARD: Just sit with your hands in your lap. L: Sorry. RICHARD: And I'm trying to read, so just be quiet and try not to break anything else EMILY: So are we having a nice chat? L: Yeah, we're having a great conversation, me and Morrie. EMILY: Excuse me? L: Nothing. Thanks, Mom, for letting Rory out of dinner tonight. She really appreciated it. EMILY: Well, she deserves to celebrate. A three-month anniversary is a landmark feat at her age. Or at any age for some people. L: I was gonna get a drink. I'm gonna get right on that. (doorbell rings) EMILY: I'll get that. (leaves room) L: Can I freshen up your drink Dad? RICHARD: No, thank you. One drink before dinner is quite enough. L: Right, sorry. (Emily returns to the room with a man.) EMILY: I had no idea it was so close! CHASE: Absolutely, right around the corner. EMILY: Well, what a small world. Oh, Lorelai, I'd like you to meet Chase Bradford. L: Hey. CHASE: Hi. EMILY: He was just telling me that he actually grew up right around the corner from here. L: Oh, really? CHASE: Stone house on the corner. L: Oh, the one with the Dobermans. CHASE: That's right. Leopold and Loeb. Though I'm afraid they passed on quite a few years ago. L: Postmen finally got organized, huh? EMILY: Uh, Chase, this is my husband, Richard. RICHARD: How do you do? CHASE: Fine, Richard, just fine. EMILY: Uh, please sit down. RICHARD: Emily, I didn't know we were having company for dinner. EMILY: Oh well, it was just sort of a spur of the moment thing. Chase's mother and I are in the DAR together and he just moved back to Hatrford, and it just seemed like a nice idea. L: Yes, very nice. RICHARD: Uh Chase, can I get you a drink? CHASE: Scotch neat. RICHARD: Uh, Glenfiddich? CHASE: Fine. So Lorelai, your mother's told me all about you. L: Really? CHASE: Oh yes. I'm just sorry your daughter couldn't join us for dinner. I adore children. L: Mom, can I talk to you for a minute? EMILY: Lorelai, we have company. L: It'll just take a second, really. EMILY: But L: Come on, it'll be fun. Excuse us. We're just gonna have a spur of the moment conversation. (Lorelai guides Emily out of the room.) EMILY: You're pushing me. L: Is this a setup? EMILY: What? L: Uh, Connecticut Ken in there, is he my invited escort for the evening? EMILY: Lorelai, his mother is a friend of mine. L: And? EMILY: He just moved back here and doesn't know anyone. L: And? EMILY: And I thought he might enjoy meeting you. L: AH HA! EMILY: Put that finger down! L: Ah, this is why the Miss Congeniality act when Rory wanted to beg out of dinner. EMILY: It just seemed like a good opportunity. L: Mom, thank you for the thought, but I can get my own men. EMILY: (laughs) Really? L: Yes, really. EMILY: I must disagree. L: You must? EMILY: Chase is a quality man, he has good breeding, he comes from a nice family. He makes a nice living, he's attractive. L: Mom, mmm, no. EMILY: Is it gonna kill you to simply keep an open mind about him? L: Mom, he's not my type. EMILY: Why not? Because I like him? L: You know, I swear, I don't know which one, but there is a game show out there with your name on it. EMILY: Well that must be it because you've hardly said two words to the man. You couldn't possibly hate him already. L: Oh no, it's that arcade game where the mole keeps sticking his head out and you have to pound him as many times as you can with the mallet. You would be a master at that game. EMILY: Lorelai, I realize that Chase may not be as controversial as your usual brand of men. L: They would erect a statue of you next to it with perfect hair and pearls and a big bronze mallet. EMILY: But I want you to think about something. Tonight your daughter is celebrating her three-month anniversary. What was the last relationship you had that lasted that long? [pause] I thought so. (Lorelai and Emily return to living room.) EMILY: Well, here we are. I'm very sorry. CHASE: Oh, that's all right. I had a chance to tell Richard a little bit about what I do in the actuarial business. RICHARD: Yes, it's fascinating. CHASE: Lorelai, may I fix you something to drink? L: Hmm, gin. CHASE: And? L: Gin. RICHARD: Make that two. L: What about the one drink before dinner rule? RICHARD: Well, we have guests. We're celebrating. Chase, here, let me help you with that. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO ANDOLORO'S RORY: That was really good. DEAN: It was? RORY: Yes it was. DEAN: How was the salad? RORY: Great. DEAN: What about that cheese bread thing? Too heavy? RORY: Just heavy enough. DEAN: Really? RORY: Everything was perfect. Even the soda was good. I don't know how they do it but the Coke here is definitely superior to the Coke anywhere else. DEAN: Okay, at what point during that did you start making fun of me? RORY: I would never make fun of you. Especially not after you ordered three different kinds of pasta for me just because I couldn't decide. DEAN: Well you shouldn't have to decide. I mean, tonight, you should have everything that you want. RORY: I just have to say that I'm now a very big fan of the three-month anniversary. DEAN: Oh yeah? RORY: Definitely. I think they should have T-shirts and newsletters. DEAN: Well, I'm glad. RORY: You did all this for me. DEAN: It's not over yet. RORY: This is just like that Christmas when I got a full set of illustrated encyclopedias. [Dean gives a confused look] I wanted them. DEAN: Oh, uh, good WAITER: One tiramisu, two forks, and uh, one meatball to go. RORY: Thank you. DEAN: You wanna explain the meatball? RORY: It's a mother-daughter thing. DEAN: Okay. Well, uh ladies first. RORY: Thank you. [takes a bite] Okay, have I mentioned how much I'm loving the three month anniversary thing? DEAN: Yeah, you did. RORY: Because this tiramisu is so good that if the anniversary were completely sucking right now, this would save it. What? DEAN: Nothing. RORY: Stop it. DEAN: No, you look cute. RORY: I'm eating. DEAN: Well, you eat cute. RORY: I do not eat cute. No one eats cute. Bambi maybe, but he's a cartoon. DEAN: So, uh, after we finish here we move onto phase two of the anniversary evening. RORY: Phase 2. Sounds very official, are there space suits involved? DEAN: With matching helmets. RORY: Impressive. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE (Lorelai, Emily, Richard and Chase are eating dinner.) CHASE: So Lorelai, are you a member of the DAR? LORELAI: No, I'm not. D-A-R-N. [giggles] See, uh, that's like darn 'cause it was a play on DAR. Boy, these carrots sure are tiny. EMILY: Chase, I'm simply fascinated about your work situation. Tell us how you wound up back here at home. I mean, you move away to make your fortune and you end up right back here. Isn't life funny? LORELAI: Hilarious. RICHARD: It's a comedy for the masses. CHASE: Well I worked hard and the company was very good to me. You know a thing or two about company loyalty I assume, Richard. Well, the company offered me a choice of East Coast locations, sort of a big vote of confidence in the job I was doing. Picking your locale, it's a very coveted position to be in. LORELAI: Yeah, would like to be picking my locale right now. CHASE: So I sat down and made my wish list. I looked for places that offered location amenities as well as job growth, and finally after days of research, checking into traffic conditions, crime rates, the best school systems, my decision came down to just two places. One was in New York, one was in Hartford. LORELAI: And you chose Hartford. CHASE: I did at that. RICHARD: Emily, is there any more roast? CHASE: Hartford has all the cosmopolitan big city benefits that New York has, without actually having to live in New York. It just seemed like a no brainer. LORELAI: I'll get dad some more roast. EMILY: Leta will bring it. LORELAIL: Oh, but it's so much more personal this way. EMILY: Hurry back. I just simply have to know what the allure of this Stars Hollow is I've heard so much about. LORELAI: Miles and miles and miles. CUT TO STARS HOLLOW (Rory and Dean walk to the festival) DEAN: So, what book did you bring? RORY: What? DEAN: Well, come on, you always bring a book with you and I was just wondering, what's the three month anniversary book? RORY: Actually, I brought the New Yorker. DEAN: A magazine. Really? RORY: It's the fiction issue. (From the gazebo, the mayor starts the festivities) MAYOR: People of Stars Hollow, and our many friends. It gives me great pleasure to preside over our annual founders festival for the thirty-second time. Many a true love has had it start right on the spot where I stand. And I don't mind telling you that at this very festival, right by this gazebo, is where I met my own true love, Miss Dora Braythwait. We have been married for 43 years, and it all started right here. TAYLOR: (covers microphone and whispers) Ask her to wave. MAYOR: (whispers) I can't. TAYLOR: Why not? MAYOR: (To Taylor) She went to Bingo in Bridgeport. (To crowd) And now my friends, if you will join me in lighting the fire. RORY: Okay, take me to the surprise now. DEAN: But I thought you said you wanted to see the bonfire being lit. RORY: Oh I do. DEAN: Wait, but Mayor Porter just said. . . RORY: Trust me. It's gonna be awhile before it's lit. We'll have plenty of time before they're ready. MAYOR: Every damn year. TAYLOR: It was Lenny's responsibility. AYOR: Oh for Pete's sake. Does anyone have any matches? CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE (Lorelai, Emily, Richard, and Chase at dinner table.) CHASE: It's really fascinating stuff. EMILY: It sounds it. Tell us more. CHASE: Well, we're in the middle of building new statistical models that let us do a better job at predicting death than we've ever been able to do before. Richard, you might find this interesting. RICHARD: Well, I've never been one for sitting at a computer building models, Chase. I'm a client contact man myself. CHASE: But these models give you a better product to sell to those clients. EMILY: That does sound interesting. CHASE: Oh it is. In fact, if you were to answer a few simple questions for me, I could practically pinpoint the day you're going to die. EMILY: Goodness. LORELAI: Go ahead. Ask her the questions. EMILY: I think I'll pass. CHASE: No no, Lorelai! I'd have to feed the information into a computer to get the answer. I'm no Kreskin! EMILY: Well, Chase, why don't you and Lorelai retire to the living room for some Brandy while I help Leta clean up. LORELAI: While you do what? CHASE: That sounds lovely? Shall we? LORELAI: Uh, sure. I'm just going to, um, go and powder my something. But I'll be back in a minute and I'll meet you in the living room. CHASE: I'll be waiting. LORELAI: Super. CUT TO UPSTAIRS (Lorelai walks into her old bedroom, grabs her coat off the bed, and starts to climb out the window when Richard walks in.) RICHARD: Lorelai, your mother wants to know if. . . LORELAI: Hi daddy. Okay, I know this is bad. And I know this probably brings back all the horrible aspects of my childhood life for you. And see, I'm really sorry that we fought last week, and I'm really sorry that you're so disappointed in me, and I really wish there was something I can do to fix that, but there probably isn't and I can accept that because I am an adult now and I am proud of who I have become. But I am begging you, please, please do not make me go back down there because that guy is boring. RICHARD: Emily, she's not up here! LORELAI: Thank you Daddy. CUT TO JUNKYARD (Rory and Dean are standing in front of a fenced-in junkyard) DEAN: We're here. ORY: We're where? DEAN: Come on. RORY: Dean, what is this? DEAN: Okay. Uh, did you ever see Christine? RORY: Yes. DEAN: Well, it's nothing like that. Come on. (They go through an opening in the fence) RORY: You brought me to Beirut? DEAN: It's a salvage yard. RORY: Ah. And yet it looks so much like Beirut. DEAN: Okay. Uh, here we are. RORY: Wow. DEAN: It's a car. RORY: It is? DEAN: Well, it will be. RORY: When it grows up? DEAN: When I fix it. RORY: What? DEAN: Um, it's yours. RORY: What do you mean it's mine? DEAN: I mean, I'm building it piece by piece for you. RORY: No. DEAN: Yeah. I started with the frame. The seats and the windshield just went in yesterday. RORY: You're building me a car? DEAN: Yeah, now it's gonna take awhile, but when I'm done, it'll be great. RORY: You're building me a car. You're building me a car. DEAN: That's right. RORY: You're building me a car? DEAN: I'm building you a car. RORY: This is crazy. Why would you do this? DEAN: I don't know. You didn't have one. RORY: You're completely insane. DEAN: What? I didn't want you wasting time on the bus anymore. I mean, that is very valuable time we could be arguing about your ongoing obsession with very confusing Russian authors. RORY: I can't believe this DEAN: Um, do you like it? RORY: Do I like it? Are you kidding? (she kisses him) DEAN: I'll take that as a yes. RORY: Take it mister. DEAN: Come on, get in. (Dean tries to open the door for her, but it falls off the car.) DEAN: Uh, I'll fix that. RORY: Don't. I like it like that. (they both get in the car) This is amazing. DEAN: I'm glad you like it. RORY: I had no idea that three months was the car anniversary. DEAN: Four months you get a plane. RORY: Boy, relationships sure have changed since I was a kid. (they lean back and look at the stars) I'm having one of those moments right now. DEAN: What moments? RORY: One of those moments that everything is so perfect and so wonderful that you almost feel sad because nothing can ever be this good again. DEAN: So, basically, I'm depressing you. RORY: Yup. DEAN: You're very weird. RORY: And you're wonderful. (They kiss) DEAN: Rory? RORY: Yeah? DEAN: I love you. (pause) Rory? RORY: Yeah? DEAN: Did you hear me? RORY: Uh huh. DEAN: Well, say something. RORY: I. . . I. . DEAN: Yeah? RORY: I love the car. DEAN: Uh, and that's it? RORY: No. I just. . . I'm surprised, I didn't expect. . .I don't. . . DEAN: You don't love me. RORY: No, I just have to think about it for a minute. DEAN: Think about what? RORY: Well, saying I love you is a really difficult thing. DEAN: Well I just did it. RORY: And you did it really well. DEAN: What the hell does that mean? RORY: I'm sorry. Please. This totally came as a surprise. I mean, with the dinner, and the car, and then the I just need a minute to think DEAN: This is not something that you think about Rory. This is either something that you feel or you don't. RORY: Please, don't be mad. DEAN: Why? Because I say I love you and you wanna think about it? I mean, go home and discuss it with your mother? Make one of your pro/con lists? RORY: Not fair. DEAN: I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I don't even know what I was thinking. RORY: Dean. Please, it's just not that easy for me. I mean, saying I love you means a lot. Think about it from my point of view. I mean, my mom and our life. I mean, my mom said that she loved my dad and then. . . DEAN: You don't get pregnant saying I love you. RORY: I know. I'm just confused. I need to It's a really big deal. DEAN: Fine, come on. RORY: Dean, please don't be mad. DEAN: I'll take you home. RORY: Dean, tonight was amazing. It was perfect. Please, I swear, I just need a minute to. . . DEAN: Whatever, it doesn't matter, all right? Let's go. CUT TO FESTIVAL JACKSON: Sookie? SOOKIE: Yes Jackson? JACKSON: You know what I'm thinking about right now? SOOKIE: That time I roasted some red peppers over the stove burner and singed off my eyebrows? JACKSON: No. SOOKIE: Good. JACKSON: I'm just thinking, this is really nice. SOOKIE: Me too. (Rachel takes some pictures, then walks over to a bench and sits down next to Luke.) LUKE: You getting some good stuff? RACHEL: Oh yeah, yeah, the firelight really changes people. Ya know, makes them seem happier, freer, all troubles of the world completely gone. LUKE: I don't think that's the firelight. I think it's the Founders Day party punch they've been selling. RACHEL: Oh yeah, that stuff is good LUKE: Okay, at some point, are you gonna tell me what you're doing here? RACHEL: I'm putting more film in my camera. LUKE: Rachel. RACHEL: What? I told you, I was at the airport, now I'm here. LUKE: Oh well sure, when you put it like that. RACHEL: Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't sound all that happy to see me. LUKE: Correct me if I'm wrong, but you have a tendency to show up and then leave, quite suddenly. One of your more charming attributes. RACHEL: So you're not happy to see me? Luke, I don't know what I'm doing here. I just missed you. I wanted to see you. I don't know what else to say. LUKE: I missed you too. RACHEL: So since we're both being blunt, what's the deal with Lorelai? LUKE: What are you talking about? RACHEL: I'm talking about Lorelai, the lady who runs the inn, the one you've told me absolutely nothing about, and been very careful to leave out of every story, anecdote, or gossip about the town. LUKE: There is no deal with Lorelai. We're friends. RACHEL: For now? LUKE: Yes. RACHEL: And in the future? LUKE: Well, Lorelai is, she's just uh I don't know. I mean, at time it seems like, I don't know. But I am happy to see you. RACHEL: Good. I'm gonna get some of that party punch. You want some? LUKE: That stuff will kill you. RACHEL: Oh Luke, some things never change. (Rachel walks away. After a few seconds, Lorelai sits down next to Luke.) LORELAI: Hey. Where the hell's the fire department when you need them? LUKE: Hey, aren't you supposed to be in Hartford? LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: What happened? LORELAI: Climbed out the window. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: That's it. You're not curious why? LUKE: No. LORELAI: That's what I love about you. LUKE: Hey, how long you been here? LORELAI: A little while. LUKE: Did you see Harry and Taylor get into a fist fight? LORELAI: No! Aww! How did I miss that? I'm so bummed! LUKE: It was good. LORELAI: So where's Rachel? LUKE: Oh, she's a founder's party punch junkie. LORELAI: God, even the nice girls aren't safe. LUKE: Yeah. She's been running around here taking all kinds of pictures. LORELAI: She's having a good time. LUKE: I guess so. I hope so. LORELAI: So? LUKE: Yes? LORELAI: So, what's the haps with you two? LUKE: The haps? Well, lets see. What is the haps? LORELAI: I mean, like, ya know, what's going. . . LUKE: I know what you meant by the haps. LORELAI: Okay, well you're repeating it like a thousand times. LUKE: I was pondering. LORELAI: Well you ponder really slowly. LUKE: If I did it fast it wouldn't be pondering. Pondering by nature is a slow connotation. LORELAI: Okay. Fine, fine. LUKE: It's okay. LORELAI: Is she staying? LUKE: I don't know. LORELAI: Do you want her to? LUKE: I don't know. LORELAI: She seems to really like you. LUKE: Yeah she does, but she doesn't have the greatest attention span. LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: But she is here. LORELAI: Yes, she is. LUKE: I don't know. You spend a lot of time debating things, ya know, is it right, is it wrong, or should I do this, should I do that. I mean, sometimes you should just jump in and take a shot. What's the worst that can happen? She left before, I lived. Maybe this time. LORELAI: I think that's really great. LUKE: You do? LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: Thanks. LORELAI: You're welcome LUKE: Well, I guess I'm gonna go check up on Rachel. LORELAI: That's nice. LUKE: What? LORELAI: That you have somebody you can go check up on. That's nice. LUKE: Yeah it is. Unless she's completely drunk and throwing up. LORELAI: Still nice. LUKE: I'll see you tomorrow? LORELAI: Tomorrow. CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE (Lorelai walks in, picks up phone, dials, sits on the couch.) MAX'S MACHINE: Hi, you've reached Max Medina. I'm not here right now so leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you. Thanks. (Rory walks in. Lorelai hangs up the phone.) LORELAI: Rory? RORY: We just broke up. (Lorelai walks to Rory and hugs her.)
doc_130	SCENE: The loft, Jess is trotting by Schmidt's room carrying lot's of science stuff. SCHMIDT: Jess! JESS: (Stops in Schmidt's doorway) Yeah? SCHMIDT: (Pacing back and forth) Can I ask you something? JESS: You wan't my help? Sure. SCHMIDT: You consider me a sexy man, correct? JESS: I don't know how to answer that question. SCHMIDT: Okay look, I'm meeting a girl for drinks tonight, and I'm probably going to bring her back here, for s*x. JESS: I have to get to school cause it's astronomy day and I'm dressing up like Galileo, so I have to put on my beard. SCHMIDT: I get that, but as a lady, where in the room do I look sexiest? You know like, like where am I best on display? Here? (Sits in armchair, legs crossed holding head) Here? (Sits on arm of armchair) Or (runs over to bed) here? (lies on bed on his side) ENTER NICK NICK: Hey, what is going on out here? JESS: Um, Schmidt wants to know where in his room he looks the sexiest. NICK: Well it's a big room. What are your choices? SCHMIDT: Ok, I'm glad you asked. Alright, (waves hand across bed) here? (runs over and sits in armchair) Here? (sits on arm of armchair again) Or here? You know, maybe just reading a book or something. NICK: It's a lot of options. Could you do them again really fast? SCHMIDT: You wanna see them again? NICK: Please. SCHMIDT: Ok. Here? Here? Here? JESS: (Smirking) Wait, what was the first one again? NICK: (Also smirking) Yeah. SCHMIDT: (Angrily) OK. I get it. All laugh at Schmidt, great. Here? Here?... [SCENE_BREAK] OPENING CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The loft, Jess is spreading cream cheese on a bagel in the kitchen area. JESS: I'm so excited to meet him... NICK: (Walking towards her) No, Jess he's sleeping. He flew in late last night, we took him straight to the bar, took a bunch of shots, got drunk, screamed I love America. (Sits down) Now he's happily passed out. (Slurps coffee) Let's let him sleep. JESS: Guess I'm not the new kid anymore, I'm just one of the guys. NICK: You're still the new kid, Winston lived here before Coach did. JESS: (Carries on preparing breakfast) So Coach said, (shot of Schmidt walking by, taking earphones out) that they used to play basketball together at college, but then Winston went pro... SCHMIDT: In Latvia, okay? He went pro in Latvia, there's a big difference. (Nick turns around to look at him) Well the team logo, is a fig. Just a.. just a one single fig. JESS: Oh, you're jealous. (Turns around) That's so cute. (Turns back) SCHMIDT: (Smirks) Of Winston? No no no. Look, I'm not jealous of Winston. Ok, it's been two year, he's gonna have to recognize, I'm a lot flyer now. Wanna see me flex my base? (Starts to take off shirt) NICK: Naw naw naw naw. Put your shirt on. SCHMIDT: (Takes off shirt) Let me flex my base. Let me flex my base, man. NICK: Put your shirt on. SCHMIDT: Baboom. NICK: It's the morning. JESS: (Whispers whilst carrying the breakfast tray) He's gonna love it. NICK: Jess, what are you doing? (To Schmidt) What is she doing? (Jess kicks opens the door, walks in and places the tray on the floor, loud enough to wake Winston. Winston wakes with a start.) WINSTON: What the.. what the.. (points at Jess) who? JESS: I'm Jess. (Back in the kitchen) JESS: (From the kitchen you can hear her singing) I'm Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssss! WINSTON: (Shouting) What's happening?! Why are you doing that?! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Nick and Jess are in the bathroom brushing their teeth, whilst Schmidt is in the shower. JESS: I can't believe you didn't tell me he was hungover! NICK: I totally told you he was hungover. I said he was drunk at the bar and now he's passed out. (ENTER WINSTON) JESS: Hi, Winston. Hey, I apologize for what happened before... not cool, bad call. I've been talking to the guys about boundaries, so I totally get it. WINSTON: Perfectly fine, no problem. JESS: Do you have a tank top I could borrow? You look like you're about my size. It's just that I'm really low on clothes right now cause I broke up with my boyfriend. And I caught him cheating and... I just like grabbed whatever I could and... SCHMIDT: (Steps out of the shower) Jess, you know what? I'll let you check my lost and found. It's where I keep all the things the girls leave behind in my room after we've founicate. I've got sizes 0 through 10. (Jess and Schmidt leave) WINSTON: What have you done to me Nick? NICK: I am so happy you're back. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Schmidt and Jess are sitting on the bed, with a box in front of them. JESS: (Rummaging through the box, she pulls out stiletto) You have made love to a lot of forgetful women. SCHMIDT: (Taking shoe off her) Ah man, look at these, wow. (Sees Jess taking out hair extensions from the box) Oh, look at that, Rochechana 06. Yeah, nothing orthodox about what we did that night. JESS: Winston seems nice... SCHMIDT: Did he say anything to you about the room? JESS: What room? SCHMIDT: The big room, I kinda took it from him when he left, I used to be in the small room. (Pulls out shirt from box that says 'I AM CLAIRE'.) This happened in the small room. (Looks at it) Twice. Never going back there again, Jess. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Winston and Nick are tossing a basketball back and forth between then in the main living area of the loft. NICK: He's never gonna give you that room back. Winston: Psshhhh, come on man, it's Schmidt. You know they have a saying in Latvia. 'That guy is so stupid we could easily take things away from him'. NICK: (Laughs) That's a saying? WINSTON: (Laughs) Yeah, it is. NICK: That's a weird saying. (Bounces ball and throws to Winston who shoots and scores) ENTER JESS JESS: (Wearing borrowed clothes) What d'ya think? NICK: Jess, I've been telling you this for weeks but you gotta call Spencer and you gotta get your stuff back. Unless, you know, unless you're scared. JESS: No, I'm not scared, it's just complicated. That stuff was... that stuff was ours and I miss him. (Starts to get upset.) SCHMIDT: Jess, look, it's a ball. (Throws ball to Jess) JESS: Oh, a little b-ball huh, (laughs). (Whilst bouncing ball) You know, I'm actually pretty good. I used to play with my mom. (Half-singing and still bouncing ball) Defense! Defense! Watch out for the defense! Sneaky sneaky wah wah. NICK: (To Winston) You get used t`o it. JESS: Hey, Schmidt! (Bounces ball really hard in Schmidt's general direction and smashes the TV) NICK: Ah, come on! JESS: (Puts hands over her face) Uh! SCHMIDT: Wow! (Sarcastically) JESS: (Removes hands from face) Oh! (Breathes heavily) My bad! NICK: (Holding the bridge of his nose) Uuuuuuuuurgh. [SCENE_BREAK] JESS: I'm sorry, you guys. NICK: That was my TV, Jess. SCHMIDT: Kinda all he had. JESS: I'll get you a new one I just can't it afford it right now. NICK: If ya don't mind me asking, what's the plan? WINSTON: You don't know me like that but I need a TV. NICK: Do you have a TV at Spencer's? JESS: Yeah, I do, it's just really big and thin and brea... NICK: Go get it! JESS: No, I can't, I haven't spoken to Spencer since he cheated on me with that hoe! Actually, that's not fair, she might be a really nice hoe. I just don't wanna get in a big fight with Spencer, I want to be friends with him eventually. NICK: Why do you wanna be friends with your ex? I don't wanna be friends with Caroline, and all she did was rip me open and tear out my heart out with her perfect, perfect hands. JESS: He has this power over me, like he's a wizard and I'm his mage and I think it's his hair, he has like this really beautiful hair, and whenever I see it I get the 'woowoos'. NICK: Oh my god, I hate my life! SCHMIDT: Ok guys just.. Jess look, I know, closure, ouch, am I right? JESS: I don't know at all what you're saying right now. SCHMIDT: Ok Jess, think about it... NICK: Ok Schmidt, it's not that complicated, Jess just get the TV back! WINSTON: I need a TV. NICK: It's important! It's a television! It's what brings all of.. Just get us the TV! JESS: Okay, it's not a big deal. I'll do it. I'll call Spencer, and I'll talk to him, and, I, will talk, to, him. So, yay. SCHMIDT: Yay. [SCENE_BREAK] [JESS SITTING ON A BENCH, WATCHING SPENCER RIDING TOWARDS HER ON HIS BIKE] JESS: Hi Spencer. SPENCER: (Takes his helmet off and shakes his hair out in slo-mo, movie style) Hi, Jess-jess. [SCENE_BREAK] [THE GUYS IN A CAFE, AT A TABLE, EATING BREAKFAST] WINSTON: Wow, I miss this place. How's your yoghurt thing, Schmidt? SCHMIDT: Oh, the parfait? It's parfait. NICK: Come on, don't... SCHMIDT: (To the hot waitress) Oh, hello. You look beautiful today. You look smart. HOT WAITRESS: Stop talking to me, Schmidt. WINSTON: So, you're making all the calls now, Schmidt? SCHMIDT: Sure... WINSTON: This must mean, you're the top dog? SCHMIDT: Yeah? WINSTON: (Exchanging glances with Nick) That's cool... SCHMIDT: You know, i'm glad you guys think that, cause... you know I think that too. WINSTON: One hundred percent, I mean, when I moved out, obviously there was a power vacuum. NICK: Yeah, I needed a leader, I didn't know which end was up. SCHMIDT: Yeah, Nick's the bottom if you know what I mean. NICK: Absolutely, say Winston, do all top dogs need the biggest room or, I dunno, is that knida cheesy, a little over kill? WINSTON: No no no no no. Though I definitely see what you're saying though, definitely. Uh, every top dog is differt, every top dog is different. Hey, Schmidt, what uh, what kind of top dog are you? SCHMIDT: ...the kind with the big room. [SCENE_BREAK] [BACK TO JESS AND SPENCER ON THE BENCH TALKING] SPENCER: I'm so glad we're talking, last time I saw you, you were so mad. JESS: How is, um...? SPENCER: Rochelle. JESS: Rochelle...fancy name. SPENCER: She's great. JESS: Rochelle like a mermaid. SPENCER: Yeah. JESS: (Puts on weird voice and picks up parts of her hair) Hello. I'm Rochelle and I eat fish. SPENCER: Yeah, we have a lot in common, see we both love bikes... JESS: I love bikes... SPENCER: Not enough. JESS: Um, Spencer. I need my stuff back. My TV, all my winter clothes. SPENCER: Yeah, of course. I would have brought it today but I rode my bike here. You know, without the basket. JESS: Ok. Well, when will it be a good time for me to come over...? SPENCER: (Interrupting Jess and changing the subject) It's so good to see you Jess. JESS: Spencer, I really need my stuff.., SPENCER: Shuuuuuuuusshhh. I need something too. [SCENE_BREAK] [JESS IS DRIVING ROCHELLE TO THE AIRPORT FOR SPENCER WHILST IN THE BACKGROUND 'BUST A MOVE' IS ON] ROCHELLE: Thanks for taking me to the airport, Jess. JESS: (Monotone) Of course, all you have is your bike, Rochelle. SPENCER: Hit it! SPENCER AND ROCHELLE: (Singing) YOU WANT IT, YOU GOT IT, YOU WANT IT, BABY YOU GOT IT. JUST BUST A MOVE, UH. YOU WANT IT. [SCENE_BREAK] [JESS IN A PAWN SHOP TRYING TO BARGAIN WITH THE OWNER FOR A TV] JESS: $550 for the TV? Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a figure and this is as high as I go. (Draws something on a piece of paper) PAWN SHOP OWNER: You drew a smiley face. JESS: I'm a teacher. Do it for the kids. PAWN SHOP OWNER: For the kids, $550. JESS: I can't go home without a TV, I thought pawn shops were about helping people and frankly, right now, I feel taken advantage of. I just got out of a long relationship and I don't know what I'm doing emotionally or lets be honest, sexually. (Picks up her bag to go) I'll just, I'll just get out of here. (Tries to steal the TV but fails miserably.) PAWN SHOP OWNER: Are you trying to rob me? [SCENE_BREAK] [BACK IN THE LOFT, NICK IS WATCHING TV ON HIS PHONE] SCHMIDT: Hey, where's Winston, MM? NICK: Yeah, I think he's in his room, Schmidt. SCHMIDT: (Sits down) Do you really think I'm top dog? NICK: Yes SCHMIDT: Do you think I'm head baller, shot caller? NICK: Yes Schmidt, I feel that way. SCHMIDT: (Moves next to Nick) You see that man? It's my new thumb ring. Hot choice is that. Little skull. It's so nectar. NICK: Did you just make up nectar? SCHMIDT: Nah, it's a volleyball term. What is Winston doing in there? He can't hang out in there, it's too small. [ENTER JESS AND CECE] NICK: What's up? SCHMIDT: Yo, what up, Cec? NICK: You alright? JESS: I'm sorry, I didn't get the TV. SCHMIDT: What happened? CECE: Urgh, terrible roommates. I mean seriously, you guys told her to call Spencer? That is not your job, that is my job! NICK: Alright, so what happened? JESS: Urgh, he needed a ride to the airport. NICK: What?! JESS: For his new girlfriend. NICK: Are you kidding me?! SCHMIDT: Are you serious? CECE: What? You didn't tell me that! JESS: And, I'm supposed to pick her up next Sunday. NICK: OMG Jess! SCHMIDT: Wow. JESS: What's wrong with me? NICK: I figured it out. This guy is your kryptonite. You need to stand up and you need to fight him. JESS: I want to fight him but I can't. I'm powerless. NICK: Cause you're not ready to let him go. I think you know, deep down, once you get your stuff back, you know, it's over over. CECE: I can't believe I'm actually gonna say this, but, I agree with him. JESS: No, you guys are wrong. I really, I really wanna move on. NICK: Then you gotta fight. JESS: Alright, I wanna fight. NICK: Then get mad! JESS: I wanna get mad! NICK: (Stands up and pick up cushion from sofa) Alright, then do this. Pretend this is Spencer's face. Punch it. (Jess prepares herself for a showdown with the cushion) Get. (Punches cushion) Come on, do it again. (Punches a little harder) Alright, punch it like a man. (Punches a little harder.) Harder than that! (Punches harder) CECE: Come on, Jess. NICK: Come on Jess, get angry. (Punch) Good! CECE: (Punch) Get angry. (Punch) Get real angry. NICK: (Starts punch dancing) That's dancing. That's punch dancing. He broke your heart! He did terrible things to you, you hate him. JESS: (Still punching) I'm mad! NICK: Good. CECE: There you go. NICK: Good. JESS: I'm bad! NICK: You're ready, go get your stuff. JESS: (Starts walking towards the door) I'm gonna go get my stuff! NICK: Go get it. SCHMIDT: Go on, Jess. JESS: I'm really mad! NICK: I'm proud of you. JESS: I'm gonna go get it! NICK: Go get your stuff. JESS: I'm gonna face the facts! I'm gonna ask you guys, right now, to come with me. Seriously guys, cause I can't everything alone and I can't be alone. [SCENE_BREAK] [THE WHOLE GANG ARE IN THE CAR WITH JESS AT THE WHEEL TO GO GET JESS' STUFF. SHE IS DRIVING REALLY FAST AND HAD VERY LOUD MUSIC ON IN THE CAR.] JESS: Yeah! Loud music! Loud. Loud. Loud. WINSTON: Ok, you're ruining my pre-game mence. JESS: What am I gonna say? NICK: Hey Spencer, give me my TV back. JESS: Hi Spencer, give me my TV back, buddy. NICK: Hey, no buddy. How about jerk or idiot. JESS: Mr. Crabs. WINSTON: Mr. Crabs is an option. CECE: (To Schmidt) Your hand is on my leg. SCHMIDT: Your hand's on my leg. CECE: No, it really isn't. SCHMIDT: Classic he said, she said. CECE: Ok, Jess, just pull over right here. (Jess almost stops but at the last second steps on the gas again and drives off) Woah! JESS: Ok, you know what, just one more shot. NICK: Ok, one more time around Jess, and then we're good. You got this. JESS: Yeah. (Tries to pull up again but carries on driving again) SCHMIDT: Really? Come on. JESS: Just one more time, gonna... (breathes) NICK: Alright, this is the time, this is the time. Wow. CECE: Woah! JESS: Ok one more shot, one more shot, just one more, just one more. SCHMIDT: (To Winston) You know I'm onto you. WINSTON: What do you mean? SCHMIDT: You told me that I'm top dog but secretly you think that you're top dog. Alright, now you are just trying to out top dog the top dog. CECE: Jess, can you please take these doors off child lock so I can kill myself. SCHMIDT: Men are working. Look things are different now man, you're not top dog anymore. I am. WINSTON: Okay, you know what you are absolutely correct you are the top dog. (Puts hand up to head as if taking off imaginary crown) Here. (Puts it on Schmidt) SCHMIDT: (Taking off the imaginary crown) What are you doing? There is no top dog crown. Are you trying to make me look stupid. Look man, this is about respect, I'm a lot flyer than I used to be. WINSTON: Yeah, much flyer, I respect you Schmidt. SCHMIDT: No, you don't because if you had, you would have told me that the (song changes to a more calm love song) small room is the top dog room. (Jess begins to slow down) JESS: (Singing along) WINSTON: What? I own this song. JESS: (Still singing) YOU GO AND SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST (Finally pulls up out side Spencer's house) SCHMIDT: What's happening? WINSTON: What's happening if that is a great song. JESS: (Gets out of car and walks towards the house) CECE: I'll be out here if you need me, Jess. (Jess rings the doorbell continuously until it opens) SPENCER: Hi, Jess-jess. NICK: That's the wizard? He's wearing a scrunchie. WINSTON: It looks like he juggles clubs on the beach. CECE: Yeah, like he'd ever have a job. SCHMIDT: Didn't you just kinda assume he'd have a handlebar moustache. NICK: Come on Jess, just go in there and get that TV. SPENCER: (Pulls Jess into a hug) I missed you Jess. CECE: Don't hug him back... (Jess hugs him back) ALL IN CAR GROAN SCHMIDT: Ugh. That's not healthy. JESS: (Notices withered plants) I told you to water the plants! (Pulls away from hug) SPENCER: Huh? Oh, you know that's not my thing. (Tries to hug her back but she pushes him away) JESS: I told you to water the plants. (Pick up flowerpot and throws it onto the lawn, smashing) ARRRRGGGHHHH! NICK: What is she doing? ALL: OHHH!! SCHMIDT: What a mess. JESS: ARGGGHHHH! I'M GOING IN!! (Runs into house) SPENCER: Jess, take your shoes off, we keep an Asian household. (Runs after her) WINSTON: Didn't see that coming. NICK: Is she gonna be ok in there? [A LOT OF CRASHING AND BANGING] JESS: (Stumbles out of the house wearing tons of clothes and carrying bags and the TV) I got it! It's really heavy, but I got it! SCHMIDT: Oh my God, we created a monster. NICK: She looks like hell in bomb crudder. WINSTON: Oh guys, she's gonna drop. uh Jess, soft hands Jess. SPENCER: (Comes running out after her) Come on Jess. we'll share, you know, work out a system. JESS: (Turns around and notices she is wearing her shirt) Hey, hey. That's my shirt. SPENCER: No, this is my t-shirt. JESS: No, that is my shirt. It has my name on it. (Wobbles around) WINSTON: Don't drop it, Jess, don't, don't drop it, don't... CECE: Come on, everybody out. Now! (All rush out of car) ALL: Nonononono!!! (Jess drops the TV and it makes an unsatisfying sound) JESS: Give me my shirt! (Attacks Spencer) NICK: (Runs over and grabs hold of Jess) Hey Jess, nonononono, stop stop, sorry don't mind her we're just here for the TV. SPENCER: Who are these guys? JESS: They are my room-mates. SPENCER: Cece! Hi. CECE: (Walking towards the house) I gotta go in and get the rest of your stuff, Jess. SPENCER: (To Cece) Hey. (To Jess) Let's just talk about this, okay, rap it out. JESS: No! We can't rap it out, we're not together anymore, it's not the same. SPENCER: Doesn't mean we can't talk about things. JESS: There's nothing to talk about. Give me my shirt back. SPENCER: No, you gave this to me, I want to keep it. NICK: Give her, her t-shirt, man. SPENCER: No, I don't want to, you know and I gave her this hat too so I'm going to take it back. (Bends down to reach for a red hat) NICK: You mean this one? (Picks it up and waves it in front of Spencer) SPENCER: Yeah. (Reaches for hat) NICK: You want that? (Carries on waving it) SPENCER: Yeah. NICK: (Puts on hat) Then I dare you, come take it off my head, pal. (Long pause whilst they all glare at Spencer) I dare you! SCHMIDT: (Walks over and outs another hat on) WINSTON: You guys looks ridiculous. (Smirks) NICK: Look dude, give her the shirt back, (motions at shirt) I bet she worked hard on that 'JAM-boree'. JESS: Yeah. Play on words. Jam. Boree. Jam! NICK AND SCHMIDT: Jam! SCHMIDT: We all made a lot of jam, Spence. You know how time consuming that can be? You need a jar funnel, a canner, some fresh fruit; strawberries, raspberries, maybe a tayberry, maybe a ripe... NICK: No more fruit. SPENCER: You live with these people Jess?! Seriously?! You can stay here until you can find a better place to live. NICK: You know what, I don't like you stretch. I don't like anything about you. And I'm not afraid to... JESS: (Touches Nicks shoulder, to Nick) I got this. (To Spencer) I've got a place to live, Spence. It's over. I spent six year trying to figure you out. All you are is a guy with really beautiful hair. I'm happy you cheated on me, thank you. Because if you hadn't, I would have ended up marrying you and then you would have hurt me all over again. (Sigh) And yeah, I was scared to start over, I didn't know what to do. And yeah, I'm living with three guys I met on the internet. And yeah, stranger danger is real, but I love these guys, I barely know them, I just met him, but I love them. All of them! GUYS: Just take it easy on the love stuff... WINSTON: (Bends down to pick up a hat) Give her the shirt back, man. (Puts hat on) SPENCER: What happens if I say no? SCHMIDT: You know what happens? Schmidt happens! (Slaps Spencer) SPENCER: Ow. What's on your hand? SCHMIDT: Thumb ring, bitch! You got some Schmidt on your face! CECE: (Walks out with some more of her stuff, including her bike) SPENCER: You know what, fine, here, take it. (Takes off shirt) CECE: (Walks by him) Keep the bell. (Chucks bell at him) SPENCER: You know, I thought we were going to handle this like adults, Jess. JESS: Yeah well, I though you were the love of my life, so... (shot of the guys watching her from in front of the car with her stuff) Suck it, Mr. Crabs! (Walks back to the car where they all pat her on the back) [SCENE_BREAK] [WINSTON AND SCHMIDT CARRYING SOME OF JESS' STUFF AND WALKING THROUGH THE BUILDING] WINSTON: I do hate that guy. SCHMIDT: (Shrugs shoulders) Whatevs, you know. WINSTON: (Laughs) You know what? Maybe I didn't have respect for you before, because, if this is what respecting you feels like, this is definitely not how I felt. (Stops in Jess' room and start putting stuff down) SCHMIDT: So you recognize? Represent, what. WINSTON: Okay, look, I'm gonna be completely honest, I've been messing with you, but it's just that I wanted my old room back. You know, you're right, I've been away a long time and things have changed around here so I kind of got to get used to that. Keep the big room. SCHMIDT: So now you're just deep dogging me, man. I'm not scared of your mind games, I'm taking the small room, Winston. WINSTON: Schmidt, that's not what I mean... SCHMIDT: No no no no no. Why don't you listen to me. You can double reverse dog me until the cows come home. I'm not falling for it. What do you take me for? Some kind of idiot? WINSTON: (Behind Schmidt's back - a yeah! action.) [SCENE_BREAK] EVERYONE IS IN THE LIVING ROOM, NICK IS TRYING TO TAPE UP THE TV JESS: I can't believe I got all my stuff back. NICK: You did, but most of it's broken. JESS: Yeah it's broken, but, I don't know, it's mine. NICK: Yeah, but it's broken. (TV makes a beep sound) Hey! Look at that. JESS: Oh my God. NICK: I think it's working. JESS: Oh my God! NICK: We got a TV again. (High fives her) JESS: It's a TV and it's working. NICK: Hey, we got the TV back. (Sits down with Jess) Alright. (Winston comes and sits down) JESS: You guys are awesome. I'm gonna make you so much jam. NICK: Please don't. (Schmidt sits down) JESS: We're gonna have a jam sess. NICK: Absolutely not. (TV falls to the side and they all turn their heads) Okay, what are we watching? JESS: I have some DVDs. Um, Adventures of Babysitting, Prancer, Noosies, Curly Sue. WINSTON: I'm going out. (All the guys get up) JESS: Wait, where are you guys going? These are heart-warming films. SCHMIDT: (Comes running back in) Curly Sue, let's do this. JESS: Alright, lemme go get it.
doc_131	-[Storybrooke]- (Mr. Gold knocks on the door to Mary Margaret's apartment. Emma answers.) Mr. Gold: Ready to go, Miss Swan? Emma: Almost. (Mr. Gold enters the apartment, and Henry enters the room with a suitcase and his coat.) Henry: Do you think we'll be cold where we're going, or warm? Emma: I think layers are always a good idea. Mr. Gold: I thought the terms of our agreement were quite clear. You owe me a favour - you alone. Emma: I'm not leaving Henry here with Cora lurking about, so either we both go, or we both stay. Mr. Gold: Then, we'll have to purchase another plane ticket, won't we? (Mary Margaret enters and helps Henry put on his jacket.) Emma: Wait. We're flying? Mr. Gold: Don't worry, I'm covering expenses. Even the new ones. (David overhears the conversation as he comes down the stairs.) David: You're a real gentleman, aren't you? Alright, Gold, you're going out there with my family. Just know, if anything happens to them... Mr. Gold: Then you'll what? Cross the town line? And David Nolan will hunt me down in his animal rescue van? David: I'll be devastated. This isn't a threat. It's a request. Take care of them. Mr. Gold: I promise no harm will come to your family. After all, we have a deal. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr. Gold, equipped with the shawl around his neck, is driving. Emma is in the passenger seat, and Henry is in the back seat. They are heading down a deserted road in Mr. Gold's car.) Henry: So... Where are we going? Mr. Gold: Logan International Airport. Emma: I think he meant after that. Mr. Gold: Let's just take things one step at a time, shall we? Emma: You really think that shawl's going to work? Mr. Gold: Well, if it doesn't, and I revert to my cursed self, we're all going to have some problems. It'll work. (They pass the 'leaving Storybrooke' sign and a wave of magic passes over Mr. Gold. There is a brief pause.) Emma: So? Mr. Gold: My name is Rumpelstiltskin. And we're going find my son. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mary Margaret's apartment, Mary Margaret is in the kitchen when David enters wearing two gun holsters.) MMB: You like the holster, huh? David: I miss carrying a sword. MMB: Well, it looks good on you. David: Come on. Leroy has the dwarves on Cora watch. They've got eyes everywhere, but they could use our help. MMB: Really? How hard can it be to find a powerful sorceress in a small town? (They go to leave. When they open the door, they find Regina, who was just preparing to knock.) David: Apparently, not very hard. MMB: Regina. You're back. Regina: I know you think I'm responsible for poor Dr. Hopper's death. David: He's... Alive. Regina: What? MMB: You were framed. Regina: Who would do that? MMB: Your mother. She's here. Regina: But... But that's... That's... Not possible. MMB: When we found a way back, so did she. We were wrong... And we're so sorry. Regina: I know. But, if Cora's here, then we're all in danger. Please, you have to let me see my son. I can protect him. MMB: He's not here. Regina: What? David: Mr. Gold asked Emma to help him find his son. They left town about an hour ago with Henry. Regina: And no one told me? MMB: We didn't know where you were. And, to be honest, Regina, I don't think Emma has to run anything by you. Regina: No, I suppose she doesn't. (Regina exits.) MMB: That went well. David: With her, it doesn't get much better. Come on. Let's go find Cora. MMB: Where? David: No idea. But I know who to ask. (David hands a quiver of arrows and a bow to Mary Margaret, and the two of them leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] (David, Mary Margaret, Leroy, and Hook are at the docks. Hook walks with an obvious limp.) Hook: You didn't even ask me about my recovery. MMB: How are you feeling, Hook? Hook: Come closer and feel for yourself. (David hits Hook.) David: You want to lose the other hand? Where's the ship? Come on. Archie told us. It's shielded somehow, isn't it, mate? Hook: Aye... That it is. Follow me. I don't know what you expect to find. Cora won't be there. David: Well, maybe she left something behind that will tell us where she went. Let's go. Leroy: No funny business. I'm watching you, pirate. Hook: Yes, Dwarf. That should deter me from any maleficence. MMB: Oh, don't worry, Leroy. He'll help us. Hook: What makes you so sure? MMB: Because you're a pirate. You know which way the wind blows, and, right now, it is gusting towards us. Hook: Oh. I see where your daughter got her gumption. Follow me. (They arrive at the pier where the ship is anchored. Hook walks up the invisible stairs and disappears behind the shield. The rest of them follow suit.) Leroy: You sailed this ship from our land. Can you sail it back? Hook: My ship? She's a marvel. Made from enchanted wood. We weathered many a storm together, seen many strange, glittering shores. But, to travel between lands, she must go through a portal. David: Yeah. What do you know about Cora's plans? Hook: Cora's not the most communicative of lasses. I will tell you this - whatever malice she has in mind, her weapon of choice is in here. (Hook gestures to a tarp covered box. Leroy and David pull back the tarp, revealing a cage. Inside, is the shrunken giant from the beanstalk. He is unconscious/sleeping.) MMB: Who's that? -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (At the giant's castle, the giants have gathered for dinner. One of them rings a bell to summon Anton. Anton enters.) Arlo: Ah. You're late, Tiny. Abraham: Missed you out in the fields, Tiny. Anton: It's Anton. Abraham: But you're just so damn tiny, Tiny. Arlo: Alright, enough squabbling. Now, today, we celebrate. After a century of hard labour, the time of the bean harvest has finally arrived. (The giants, save Anton, pound their fists into the table and cheer.) Anton: ...Yay. Arlo: But is a blossom more than its root? Is a harvest more important than a hard day's work? No. Each has value. Just as each of us has value. Hear, hear. Group: Hear, hear. (The giants stand up to toast, but are interrupted by a loud bang. They look over at Anton. A human-sized harp has slipped from his sleeve onto the table.) Arlo: You've been spending time in the treasure room again, haven't you? Anton: No. Maybe. So say that I was. So what? Arlo: Your fascination with the humans and their artifacts is misguided. No good can come of it. Anton: How can you say that, when you've never even been to their world? And you won't even let any of us go down there. Arlo: Have you forgotten what the humans did? Why we no longer trade beans with them? They weren't content merely traveling between the realms. They had to conquer and pillage. Anton: Because a few humans did some bad stuff, doesn't make them all evil. Arlo: They don't abide by the same laws that we do, Anton. We giants foster life. They destroy it. That is why they must never know that we still exist, or that we still grow the beans. Anton: But why do we keep growing them... If nobody ever uses them? (There is an awkward silence at the table.) Arlo: It's what we do. Anton: We don't do anything with them! Arlo: It is the labour that makes us who we are. Not the fruit that it yields. Abraham: What is this? A human toy? (Abraham picks up the harp and inspects it.) Anton: Put it down. (He crushes the harp in his hand and drops it to the floor.) Abraham: Not much fun, is it? Arlo: Abraham, that is enough. (Anton gets up from the table and runs out of the room. Arlo calls after him.) Arlo: Tiny! (Anton exits the castle until he comes to the beanstalk. He looks down and ponders. He then decides to climb down to earth.) -[Storybrooke]- (David and company are still on Hook's ship. They are gathered around Anton's cage.) Leroy: So, Cora used magic to make him travel-sized. Hook: Whatever she intends to do with him, it's important. David: Oh, I think you know exactly what she intends. You're holding out. Hook: Well, either have your lovely wife torture it out of me, which I promise will be fun for both- (David grabs Hook by the throat and shoves him against the wall.) David: Why don't you and I have some fun? Hook: I don't know what she's planning. Why don't you wake the bloody giant and ask him yourself? (Hook extends the key to the cage. Mary Margaret takes it and unlocks the door. She crouches down and touches Anton on the shoulder. He startles awake.) MMB: Hey... It's alright. You're safe now. (Anton crawls out of the cage.) MMB: What's your name? Anton: Anton. Where's that witch? MMB: She's gone. Anton: What did she do? She made me small. David: Come on. Let's get you out of here. Anton: You. David: Me? Anton: You! (Anton punches David in the face, causing him to fly backwards.) MMB: David! Leroy: Hey! Hey, over here, you big- (Leroy attempts to distract Anton, but is thrown down the stairs of the ship. Anton lunges at David, who has drawn his gun. He easily hits it out of his hand. Suddenly, Mary Margaret shoots an arrow past Anton's head.) MMB: Step away from my husband. Anton: You may have me outnumbered, but this isn't over. You think I forgot what you did? I didn't. You'll pay for your evil. I promise! You'll pay! (Anton flees the ship.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Belle is watching television in a common room at the hospital. Ruby enters with a basket of items.) Ruby: Hey. You don't remember me, do you? Belle: Sorry, no, I... I don't. Ruby: I'm Ruby. You used to come into my Granny's diner a lot. Before. I thought you could use some comforts from home. You were always telling me about Jules Verne, so I brought you my favorite - The Mysterious Island. Belle: Thank you. Were... Were we really friends? Ruby: Yeah, we were. Belle: Then tell me the truth. Before I was brought here, I was hurt. I was bleeding, and then this man came. And he... He healed me. Then, I saw him hold a ball of fire in his hands. How... How is that possible?! Ruby: The nurse said that the tranquilizers can give you wicked nightmares. Belle: No, I know what I saw. And I don't need any more tranquilizers or- Ruby: Belle... Belle: Don't call me that. Why does everyone keep calling me that? (A nurse enters to restrain Belle.) Belle: I don't... I'm telling you, I don't... Nurse: Take it easy. Take it easy. (The nurse sits her down in a chair and injects a sedative into her Belle's arm.) Ruby: Has she been like this the whole time? Nurse: More or less. We've had to keep her heavily sedated. Okay, let's get you back to bed. Belle: No... Nurse: Here we go. There. (The nurse escorts Belle out of the room. Meanwhile, Greg has entered and has seen the outburst.) Greg: Everything okay in here? Ruby: Everything's fine, Mr. Mendell. She's alright. How are you? Greg: Much improved. Ruby: Well, then, rest up. The sooner you're better, the sooner you can be out of our quiet little town. [SCENE_BREAK] (David, Mary Margaret, and Leroy are sitting in a booth at Granny's Diner.) MMB: David... Did that giant just say he'll make you pay? For what? David: I have no idea. I've never seen that guy before. Leroy: Well, he sure knows you. David: No. It's not about me. He just thinks it is. -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (At his castle, James and barely-clothed Jack are having a make out session.) James: You are a true wonder. Jack: I know. (James picks her up and carries her to the bed. He drops her onto it, and the two of them resume where they left off. However, King George enters and interrupts.) King George: I didn't know you had company, James. James: Father. This is my father, the King. Father, this is- King George: I don't care. The kingdom is teetering on bankruptcy. The name of your latest dalliance is of little concern to me. Jack: Pleasure to meet you, too, Your Majesty. King George: Good day. James: Care for a drink, Father? (James goes over to a side table to pour himself a drink.) King George: There'll be time for that later. Right now, there's trouble afoot. I just received word that there's a giant running amok in the outer village. James: I thought giants were extinct. Jack: I'd love the chance to battle one. King George: No. No killing. Not yet, anyway. This giant could be of use to us. James: Just tell me what needs to be done. -[Storybrooke]- (The trio is still at Granny's.) MMB: Your brother. That's who he thinks you are. David: It's the only thing that makes sense. Come on. MMB: Where are we going? David: To find out just what kind of trouble my brother got himself into. Leroy, get your head looked at and gather the dwarves. We need to keep an eye out for this giant. -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Anton has successfully climbed down the beanstalk. He comes to a tavern, where he leans down and peers inside the window. Seeing as he can't fit, he gets up and turns to leave. However, James and Jack have noticed him and chase after him.) James: If you want some ale, you should ask! They'll serve anyone who can pay, my friend. I'm James - Prince of this realm. I wanted to make sure you received a warm welcome. Anton: I'm Anton. I'm a giant. James: Yeah, I can see that. What brings you to our land? Anton: I've always been fascinated with your customs. I just... Wanted to see it for myself. James: Well, we would be more than happy to show you around. Of course, there's the matter of your size. Anton: I'm too small for back home, I'm too big for here. Jack: Don't despair, Anton. I have something that may help you. Anton: What is it? (She pulls out a small piece of mushroom.) Jack: Magic. A piece of mushroom from a far-off land. I once slayed a Jabberwock that was terrorizing a village, and they... They couldn't pay me in gold, so they paid me with this, instead. If you eat it, it will change your size. Its effects are temporary, but we have more. (Anton reaches down and Jack drops the mushroom piece into his hand.) Jack: I'm pretty sure this one makes you smaller. Anton: Pretty sure? Jack: Well, I haven't had the occasion to try it, but... The wise woman who gave it to me swore by its power. James: Go on, Anton. Give it a try. Anton: I have no way to repay you for your kindness. Jack: No need. If it makes you happy, that's all the payment that we desire. Anton: Well, then at least tell me your name. Jack: Jacqueline. But... Most people call me Jack. Anton: Nice to meet you, Jack. -[Boston]- (Emma, Henry and Mr. Gold have arrived at the airport. They pick up their boarding passes from the desk, and then enter the line for security.) Henry: Have you ever been outside of Storybrooke before, Mr. Gold? Mr. Gold: No. Henry: Are you nervous? Mr. Gold: No. Henry: Are you worried about meeting your son? Mr. Gold: No, Henry, I'm fine. Emma: How about we talk about all this later, kid? We're next. (Henry and Emma begin taking off their shoes to put in the boxes.) Henry: It must be really hard not to use magic - being like everyone else. Emma: You've got to put your shoes in. Mr. Gold: How terribly uncivilized. (Mr. Gold takes off his shoes and Henry goes through the metal detector.) TSA Agent: Uh, scarf and the cane go in the basket. Mr. Gold: What? TSA Agent: Scarf and cane go in the basket. Mr. Gold: I can't. Emma: You have to. (The man behind them interrupts.) Man: It ain't rocket science, buddy. You ever been on a plane before? Mr. Gold: Have you ever been impaled upon a cane before? Emma: My... Father's a little nervous. We're headed to a family reunion. Sorry. Mr. Gold: Father? Emma: Just put your shawl in the bin. I'll help you get through. Mr. Gold: If I let this go, I could forget who I am. Emma: I'm not going to let that happen. Mr. Gold: Okay. (Mr. Gold takes the shawl off and puts it in the box with his cane. When he does, his hearing becomes distorted and he stumbles. He goes through the metal detector in almost a trace-like state, until Emma has a chance to grab his shawl out of the box on the other side of security. She puts it around his neck and his hearing and mind go back to normal. Mr. Gold gives a slight nod and the two of them begin to put their shoes back on. Henry is there waiting for them.) Henry: Guys, there's a Cinnabons here! -[Storybrooke]- (Hook enters a deserted alley near the docks. He places a card - the Queen of Hearts - onto the ground. When he turns around, Regina has appeared behind him.) Regina: Hello, Hook. Hook: Regina. Regina: Expecting my mother? The one you were supposed to kill? Hook: Oh, that. Well, I didn't want to deprive you of a happy reunion. Regina: Well, it's your lucky day. She and I have made amends. Hook: And you're here to thank me? How sweet. Regina: She wants to know if they've found the ship. Hook: Well, you can tell her, she can ask me herself. Regina: She decided it wouldn't be prudent for her to be out and about. Hook: Well, then it is my lucky day. And you can tell her they found the ship. Regina: Well, did you get her things off it? Hook: I've been tied up in bed - not in the good way. Regina: She needs her things. Hook: Oh, I'll bet she does. Well, there's good news, then. A giant got loose from the hold. Regina: You lost a giant? Hook: Well, a shrunken giant. Regina: How is that good news? Hook: Because, when he got free, he took one look at the Prince, and became extremely murderous. Regina: Hm. A giant in town who wants to kill the Prince. This is just the distraction we need. Hook: That it is, dear. [SCENE_BREAK] (Elsewhere, Anton is attempting to navigate the streets of Storybrooke. He dodges cars as they honk at him.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Anton, who is now small, James, and Jack enter the tavern. James pulls out a chair for Anton, and the three of them sit at a table.) James: Much better to be on the inside, huh? Please. You're the guest of honour. Anton: No fighting for a seat at the table. If my brothers could see me now... Jack: I'm not so sure about this family of yours, Anton. It doesn't sound like they appreciate you. Anton: They're not so bad. Except for the... Making fun of me. And the pushing me around. And the harsh words. Well, yeah, it's sort of bad. James: Sometimes, you have to leave home to find the people you...truly belong with. Your real family. Jack: It's like you were always meant to be here, Anton. James: Now, make sure our Anton has all that he needs. (James gets up and heads to the other side of the pub. In the corner, a group of people are playing music. One of them is playing a harp.) Anton: I had one of those once. I never knew it made such beautiful music. My brothers are so wrong about humans. (Anton overhears James arguing with another man.) James: It's unacceptable! Go back there and tell him what I said. Promise them anything. I don't care- Anton: Is there a problem? Jack: He didn't tell you, did he? The royal coffers are empty. James and his father are deeply in debt to a neighboring kingdom. Anton: I don't understand. Jack: If James can't pay back what he owes, they'll plunder this realm, and burn it to the ground. Anton: Now I understand. Jack: It's bad. Anton: Will the other kingdom only accept gold coins? Jack: Well, it depends. A magic bean, for instance, would be worth a thousand coins, but... You don't have any of those back home. ...Do you? Anton: No. No beans. We do have treasure. Enough to pay off your debts, I bet. Jack: You would help us? Anton: Without question. If I'm going to stay here for good, might as well make sure it's a nice kingdom and not, you know - burned to the ground. Jack: You are our hero. -[Storybrooke]- (In the woods, Anton is sitting on a log and looking forlornly at the river. Regina approaches him.) Anton: Get away from me! Regina: I'm here to help you. Anton: No. You're human. I hate humans. (Regina continues to walk towards him.) Anton: Don't come any closer! Or I'll kill you. Regina: Look, I hear you're in town cause you want to kill someone. I can help. I have no love for this Prince, either, and if you want to destroy this town to get to him... Well, I'm happy to do my part. This will make you bigger. It will return you to your former glory. (He takes the proffered mushroom and takes a bite. In a puff of blue smoke, he returns to his former giant size.) Regina: Now, get to work! As I'm sure you're aware, that mushroom won't last forever. -[Boston]- (Emma, Mr. Gold and Henry are waiting by their gate. Mr. Gold is pacing back and forth.) Emma: Do you want something to eat? Mr. Gold: No. Emma: Is something wrong? Mr. Gold: Stop asking me that! I'll be right back. (Mr. Gold leaves and enters the public washroom. He enters one of the stalls and locks the door. Still anxious, he starts to pace back and forth, until he suddenly drops his cane and begins violently punching the toilet seat cover dispenser on the wall. Afterward, Mr. Gold leans against the wall and looks down at his bloodied hand. He waves his hand over the wounds, but nothing happens. He tries again with the same result. Henry enters the washroom and calls out for him.) Henry: Mr. Gold? Mr. Gold? We're boarding soon. Are you coming? (He ignores Henry.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Anton has returned to the castle and is gathering treasure. Arlo finds him there.) Arlo: Anton. Anton, where have you been? We were worried. Anton: I needed to get away for a little while. So, I went down below to see things for myself. Arlo: You went to the human world? Do you have any idea how dangerous that could be? Anton: I met friends there - friends who understand me. Who like me. And I plan to go back for good. Arlo: Anton... I know we tease you. But we love you. You're our brother. You know that. You expect these humans to just welcome you with open arms? You could crush them. Anton: There's magic that can change me to their size. And, with this treasure, we can all be happy. (Outside, the sound of birds can be heard.) Arlo: Sentry birds. Someone has trespassed on our land. You told the humans you were coming here, didn't you? You showed them the beanstalk. -[Storybrooke]- (Mary Margaret and David watch from a distance as Anton terrorizes the town.) Anton: That's right! Run! Run! (He picks up a car and throws it in David and Mary Margaret's direction, then continues his path of destruction. The citizens of Storybrooke scramble for safety as Mary Margaret and David follow Anton.) David: Head to the town hall! Bring anyone you find on the way! Somebody get Leroy! MMB: Guess we found our giant. I just didn't think he would be so... David: Giant? MMB: My mistake. David: Ever stop one before? MMB: Nope. David: Well... Here's to new firsts. (David yells to Anton to get his attention.) David: Wait! You don't have to do this! Anton: Yeah, I do. You destroyed everything in my life. Now you're going to know what that feels like. David: The man who hurt you? That wasn't me. That was my twin brother James. We were separated at birth. He was raised by a... A ruthless King. Anton: You're not James? David: No! Anton: Then where is he? David: He paid the ultimate price for his arrogance. He's dead! There is nothing more you can do to him. MMB: We're on your side, Anton! We're good! We're here because of you. You know our daughter Emma. You gave her the magic compass. Anton: Emma? Let me talk to her. She says you're okay, then I'll stop. (Leroy has arrived and joins Mary Margaret.) MMB: She's kind of out of town. Anton: Really? MMB: But when she gets back, I know she'll really want to talk to you. Anton: How convenient. Everyone I'm looking for isn't around! All you humans do is lie, and cheat, and kill, and I'm sick of it! (Anton charges after them.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Anton and Arlo head to the beanstalk, where they find James and Jack.) Arlo: Humans. Let's kill them. Anton: No, no, no! It's not like that. Arlo, these are my friends, James and Jack. Guys, you didn't have to come up here. The treasure's ready to go. James: Oh, we're not here for the treasure. We're here for the beans. All of them. Anton: But... You're my friends. H-how- (Jack draws her sword.) Jack: No, we're not. If you and your people want to save your lives, take us to the beans. Arlo: No. We may live in peace, but we will fight to protect what is ours. James: Then a fight is what you shall have. (James draws his sword. Jack and James charge towards the giants.) -[Storybrooke]- (Mary Margaret, David, and Leroy run down the streets of Storybrooke as Anton chases after them.) Leroy: So let me get this straight - you got a twin brother? David: Yeah. Leroy: His name is James? David: Right. Leroy: Well, your name is James. David: No, actually, it's not. Leroy: It's Charming, then? MMB: No, that's the nickname I gave him. Leroy: Hey, hold on. What the hell is your name? David: David. Leroy: Your curse name? David: My real name! Leroy: What, you're David, James, and Charming? Is David like a middle name? David: No! It's my name-name. Leroy: You know what? I'm going to call you whatever I damn well please! Is that okay?! David: Sure, Leroy. Leroy: So what's the plan? David: Lead the giant away from here, so he can't hurt anyone. MMB: Wait. If we keep heading in this direction, we're going to hit the town line. David: Okay, new plan. (The three of them stop near the docks. David approaches the giant.) MMB: What are you doing? David: Giving him what he wants. Anton! How about we make a deal? Anton: I don't make deals with humans. David: Just hear me out. I'll surrender myself to you, if you spare the lives of everyone in Storybrooke. MMB: David, you can't do this. David: If I don't, the whole town will suffer. I can't allow that. Well, what do you say? Anton: Deal. (Anton lunges towards David and tries to jump on him. However, Mary Margaret pulls David out of the way at the last second, and Anton ends up jumping straight through the ground. Stuck, the mushroom's effects then wear off, and Anton seems to disappear in a puff of blue smoke. All that's left is a large hole in the ground.) MMB: Where did he go? David: I'm not sure. (They head over to the hole to investigate, where they find Anton hanging on to an underground pipe.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Anton runs through the castle as the battle rages outside. He meets up with Arlo.) Arlo: Anton. The human armies are overrunning us. Abraham and Andre have fallen. The human swords are poisoned. Anton: This is all because of me. I've ruined everything. Arlo: No, you still have a chance to save us. Anton: How? Arlo: The beans, Anton. You must raze the fields. Anton: No! Arlo: If the humans take the beans, they will bring their violence to every realm. It is your birthright to protect the beans. Right now, that means destroying them. -[Storybrooke]- (The dwarves, Granny, and Ruby have arrived on the scene with a truck and some rope. Anton is still hanging onto the pipe below.) David: That better hold. Leroy: It'll hold. Granny: I got this. (Granny ties the rope to the back of the truck and Leroy throws the rope down the side of the hole. Mary Margaret then kisses David.) MMB: Most people would let that giant die after what he's done. David: You wouldn't. (David wraps the rope around his waist and begins to shimmy down the hole.) David: Alright, Anton! I'm coming down! (He gets down to Anton and extends his hand.) David: Take my hand. Anton: No! David: No? Anton: I don't want to go back up there. I should just let go! David: You'll die. Anton: Maybe death hurts less than life. David: If you really wanted to die, you would have let go already. Now take my hand! (Anton finally grabs David's hand and the people above pull them out of the hole.) Leroy: Come on. MMB: Almost! A little more! (David and Anton are successfully pulled up. Mary Margaret hugs David.) Anton: You saved my life. David: That's what we do. Anton: Thank you. Leroy: You're welcome. David: We're not all the same, Anton. I don't know what my brother did to you, but... That's not us. Anton: You have no idea. -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (In the treasure room, Jack is fighting Arlo, while James stuffs treasure into a sack. Jack stabs Arlo in the ankle with the sword, causing him to yell in pain. However, Jack isn't quick enough to get away, and Arlo grabs Jack.) Jack: James! (Arlo takes Jack's sword and stabs her with it. He then tosses her and the sword onto the ground. He falls over due to the poison, just as Anton enters the room.) Anton: Arlo? No... No, no, no, no! (James, having filled the sack with treasure, goes to leave. Jack is dying on the floor.) Jack: James! Please... James: I'm sorry, Jack. But I have a kingdom to run. I'm sure you understand. (James exits, leaving Jack behind. Anton tends to Arlo.) Arlo: Anton... The poison. It's in my blood. Did you... Anton: All destroyed. The fields and every last bean. Arlo: Oh, good. Good. That's what's important. Anton: No. Everyone else is dead. You can't die, too, please! Arlo: I know your path is hard. But someday, you will know which road to choose. And when you do, you will need this. (Arlo takes out a vial with a piece of beanstalk inside. He hands it to Anton.) Arlo: A preserved cutting...from the stalk. Plant it. New beans will grow. Anton: You had me salt the land. Nothing can grow here. Arlo: Then someday, you will find... New land. Anton: How? Arlo? Arlo?! No... -[Storybrooke]- (Anton and the rescue group enter Granny's Diner.) Leroy: This is Granny's. She makes a mean lasagna and runs an inn, so I'm sure we can set you up with a room till you find a place. Anton: Thanks, but I think I'll set up camp in the woods. Leroy: The woods? Anton: Yeah, I'm better off alone. I'm not too good at fitting in. Leroy: You're in the right place. Storybrooke's got all kinds - dwarves, fairies, werewolves, you name it. Ruby, beers all around! MMB: We all miss our land, Anton. But this is our home now. Anton: You never think about going back? MMB: Of course we do. It's just not possible. David: We have no way to get there. Anton: How's the farmland here? David: Pretty good. Why? (Anton takes out the vial with the piece of beanstalk.) Anton: The stem is from a beanstalk. If I plant it, it should be able to grow some magic beans. And then, you just may have a way. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret, David, Anton, and the dwarves have gathered in a field. Anton checks the soil.) David: Well, what's the verdict? Anton: Soil's got a nice loamy feel. Lot of minerals. The beans should grow well here. Only one problem. MMB: What's that? Anton: Cora. This is why she brought me. She wanted me to grow beans. So whatever she plans to do with them... Can't be good. MMB: Then we won't let her get to them. Leroy: No one touches our crop. Anton: Your crop? I thought you guys were miners? Leroy: Work is work. It's what we do. So what do you say? You up for some help? Anton: Okay. Leroy: Happy! (Happy hands a pick axe to Anton.) Leroy: Here. To help break up the earth. (Anton looks down, and the name 'Tiny' appears on the handle.) Anton: 'Tiny'. My brothers used to call me that. Leroy: Axe never lies. David: Wait a second. I did my time in the mines. How come I didn't get one of those? Leroy: Cause you ain't a dwarf. Welcome aboard, brother. (The dwarves and Anton begin to hack away at the earth. They whistle.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Belle is reading in her room at the hospital. Greg enters.) Greg: Hey. It's okay. Belle: Who, uh... Who are you? Greg: My name's Greg, okay? I... I'm a patient here, just like you. I... I'm really sorry to bother you, but... I'm the one that was driving the car in... In the accident. Belle: Oh. Are you okay? Greg: Yeah. Yeah, they, um... They patched me up pretty good. Look, I... I overheard you talking. About how you saw a guy with a ball of fire. Belle: And you think I'm crazy, too. Well, I did see it. I- Greg: Hey, I know that you're not crazy. Belle: You do? Greg: Cause I saw it, too. [SCENE_BREAK] (David exits Granny's Diner with two coffees. He hands one to Mary Margaret, who is waiting outside.) David: Here's to not getting squashed by a giant. MMB: I'll drink to that. David: Sometimes I wonder how things would've turned out if I had been the one raised by King George instead of my brother. You know, would I have been...corrupt like him? MMB: Never. David: Same blood ran through our veins. MMB: Mm, but your hearts are different. You may not believe it, but trust me - I know you, Charming. I had a lot of fun today. David: Fun? MMB: Uh-huh. David: Almost getting killed is fun? MMB: Yeah. I missed our adventures. David: Me, too. It was kind of fun. You know, we could do this all the time. When the beans grow, we could go back. Everyone could go home. MMB: I don't know. David: What don't you know? MMB: Home is where our family is. And that's here. I don't know if Emma would come with us, and I am not going to be separated from her again. David: You're worried about her. MMB: Aren't you? David: Of course, but... Emma... Emma can take care of herself, and I'm sure wherever she and Henry are, they're safe. -[Boston]- (Emma, Henry, and Mr. Gold have boarded the plane and are waiting for takeoff. Henry has a box of cinnamon buns on his lap.) Emma: You good, kid? Henry: You kidding? A trip with you, first plane ride, and we're going on a quest like in the book. The only thing that could make this day better? Is more frosting. (Emma looks down and notices Mr. Gold's bandaged hand.) Emma: It's going to be alright. We're going to find your son. Mr. Gold: I know. (The take off announcement begins.) Announcement: Welcome, folks, to Ajira Airlines regional flight fifty-three, with non-stop service to New York City. Our flight time tonight is forty-two minutes. Please sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. (The plane engines start. Mr. Gold stares ahead blankly.) -[End]-
doc_132	Produced by: Robert Carlock & Wendy Knoller Final check by Kim [Scene: Joey's place. Rachel and Joey are talking] Joey: All right, all right, all right, let's play one more time, ok? And remember, if I win you do not move to Paris. Rachel: Ok! Can't believe I'm risking this again, but you're on! All right Joe, you remember the rules! Heads I win, tails you lose. Joey: Just flip! Rachel (she flips the coin): Ha, tails! Joey: Damnit! (Chandler and Monica enter the room) Chandler: Hey! Joey: Hey! Chandler: So we thought we'd throw you little going away party around seven. Rachel: Oh, that sounds good! Monica: Hey, Rach, you're leaving tomorrow, shouldn't you be packing? Rachel: It's all done! Monica: Oh, yeah, right! And after I took a shower this morning I just threw my towel on the floor! Oh God, it hurts to even joke about it. Rachel: I know... Honey, seriously, I did it all. The luggage that I'm taking is in the bedroom, this is Emma's Paris stuff, these are the boxes that I'm having shipped, and that's the sandwich that I made for the plane... Monica: Ok, so you've done some good work! (pause) What about your carry-ons? Rachel: Oh, well. Everything that I need (she takes her bag) is in here and my travel documents are on the counter organized in the order that I will be needing them. Monica: Oh my God! I have nothing left to teach you! (they hug) Chandler: Where's your passport? Rachel: It should be right next to my plane ticket. Chandler: Well, it's not. Rachel: What? Maybe I put it in here (she opens her bag). Oh, oh, it's not in there! Oh, no! I must have packed it in one of these boxes! Monica: Here, let me help you. (they both start opening boxes) Rachel: Shoot. Oh, I can't believe I did this! Chandler (to Joey): At what point did it stop being funny that I took her passport? OPENING SEQUENCE [Scene: Monica's apartment. Monica and Erica are talking about the baby, and Monica is rubbing Erica's tummy.] Monica: Oh, wow, can you believe you're like three weeks away? Erica: I know. Monica: You don't mind me touching your belly, do you? Erica: No, I don't mind you touching my belly, but right now your hand is kind of blocking the part where the baby is gonna come out. (She takes her hand off Erica. Ross enters the room) Ross: Hey! Erica: Hi. Ross: Hey Erica, welcome back to town! (pause) Wow, look how big you've gotten. Erica: That's because I'm pregnant! Ross: Right, no, I understand. Erica: Oh, ok. I'm just always afraid that people think I'm just fat with big breasts. Ross: No, no, I knew (he stares at her breasts). Monica (to Ross): Okay, well, stop staring at them. Ross: She brought them up! (pause) I didn't realize you were coming back so soon! Erica: Hey, well, in a couple of weeks I won't be able to travel. Monica: Yeah, and I wanted her to get to know the doctors and get settled into the hotel. Ross: Hotel? Why isn't she staying with you guys? Monica: Because we're moving in a couple of days and it just didn't make sense. Erica: Plus hotels are fun! My room has this little fridge full of free snacks! Ross: Erica, those things aren't free. In fact they have one of the highest mark-ups of any consumer product... Monica: Ross! She's giving us her baby. She can eat you if she wants. Erica (standing up): I'll be right back. Ross: Oh man, I can't believe you guys are leaving this place. Monica: Oh, I know. I know. Hey, you know, you can take it if you want! The lease is still in Nana's name. Ross: No, no. This will always be your place. It would be too sad. Plus, how much a month does it cost to feed Joey? Monica: Yeah, it takes two incomes. Ross: Hey, is Chandler here? We talked about catching a movie. Monica: Oh, no. He doesn't have time for that. But if you want, you can go help him and Joey pack up the guest room. Ross: Mhm, (he balance things) packing - sexy cheerleader comedy. Monica: Mhm, helpful brother - creepy loner at teen movie. (Ross takes the tape roll she's handing him and walks to the guest room while mocking Monica's voice) [Scene: Guest room. Joey has his head wrapped in bubbled wrap and Chandler is punching him. Ross enters the room.] Ross: What are you guys doing? Joey: Try it, I can't feel a thing! (Ross starts punching him too) Monica (enters the room): Are, are you kidding? This is packing? Chandler: We're taking a break! Monica: From? Chandler: Jumping on the bed? Monica: All right, Rachel's party is in a couple of hours and there's a lot to do. Now, Ross, you got Geller blood, you're in charge of these yahoos! Ross: You got it! (Monica leaves, Ross closes the door). All right, she's right, we gotta get serious. (He grabs a bag of styrofoam peanuts) Let's put styrofoam peanuts down his pants and kick him! Chandler: No, no, no, guys. She's right. We should get to work. I'll take stuff out of the closet, Joey you pack 'em and Ross you re-pack whatever Joey packs. (Joey takes the bubble wrap off his head) Joey: You guys hear a ringing? Chandler: (holding a pair of furry handcuffs) What the hell is this? Joey: Hey! Handcuffs! And fur line, nice! I didn't know you guys had it in ya! Ross: Chandler, you don't have a sister so you can't understand how much this bums me out. Chandler: I didn't know Monica had these! Joey: Mhm, maybe she used them with another boyfriend. Maybe Richard! Chandler: Why would she use them with Richard and not me? I can be kinky! I once did a naked dance for her... with scarves! Ross: Bumming hard, guys, bumming hard. [Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe and Ross enter the room.] Phoebe: Hey! Monica: Hey! Where's Mike? Phoebe: Oh, he has a gig. I kinda like being married to a rock star, you know. My husband has a gig. Ross: Yeah? Yeah, where is it? Phoebe: Oh, he's playing organ for a children's roller-skating party. Ross: Rock on! Phoebe (watching the food on the table): Wow, this is quite a spread! (pause) What is all this stuff? Monica: Well, I thought this would be a great opportunity to use up all the food that I don't want to move to the new house with me! So, enjoy: smoke oyster casserole with a breakfast cereal crust, kidney beans in their own juices, and for dessert, a questionable orange. Joey: (entering the room) Hey. Chandler: Hey. Ross: Hey, where's Rach? Joey: Oh, she's putting Emma down, she'll be over in a second. Ross: Great. Joey: Now it just hit her that she's leaving and she's kind of emotional so no one say anything to set her off, ok? Monica: Yeah. (Rachel enters the room) Everybody: Hey Rach, hey you. Ross: Here she is! Rachel (crying): Hi you guys! Joey: What did I just say? Rachel: No, no, no. It's ok. I'm gonna be fine. Monica: Come here, I'll make you a drink. Ross: Oh, man! I can't believe she's actually leaving. How am I gonna say goodbye to Rachel? Chandler: I know, she's been such a big part of my life. And it feels like when Melrose Place got cancelled. (Ross and Joey looks puzzled) I mean... oh, forget it. I miss Melrose Place! Joey (to Ross): You know, I had a chance to stop her too! Ross: Yeah? Joey: Who loses fifty seven coin tosses in a row? Head she wins, tails I lose. (he stops and starts realizing something) Wait a minute... Chandler: Yes, Joe? Joey: I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning! Phoebe (to Rachel): You doing ok? Rachel: Well, I've been better. Phoebe: Uh-hmm. Rachel: You guys are gonna come and visit me, right? Phoebe: Yes! You know, in six months the Statute of Limitations runs out and I can travel internationally again! Rachel: I'm gonna miss you so much. Phoebe: I know. Rachel: You know what? Uhm, I have some goodbye stuff that I wanted to say to each of you and I was gonna save it until the end of the night, but come here (they go into the guest room). Ross: Hey, what do you think they're doing in there? Joey: Huh, if I had to guess I'd say Rachel is putting on the bubble wrap and Phoebe is doing the punching. [Scene: Guest room. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the bed.] Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, I don't even know where to start. Phoebe: Ok well, before you do, I know we weren't supposed to get you going away presents, (she takes something out from her pocket) but I do have something for you. Rachel: Oh, oh. (she's holding the present, a transparent bag with a white stick in it). What is this? Phoebe: It's a cotton swab with a bit of my saliva on it, so that if they perfect the cloning process while you are over there, you can use the DNA to create your own Pheebs! Rachel: I'm gonna throw this away, but thank you so much for the gesture! [Scene: Monica's apartment. The living room.] Monica: Chandler? I was just in our bedroom and I found these (she holds the furry handcuffs) on my pillow. Chandler: Oh, yes. I decided to leave these out for you in case Richard stops by and you wanna engage on a little light bondage and moustache play! Monica: What are you talking about? These aren't mine. Chandler: Oh yeah, right! Good luck getting another scarf dance from me! Monica: That would be a terrible punishment. But, I'm serious, I've never seen these before. Chandler: Really? Then what are they doing in our guestroom? Monica: Rachel used to live in that room. Chandler: Rachel... with handcuffs! Interesting! (he looks excited) Monica: Joey's bare ass! Chandler: (he doesn't look excited anymore). Well played. (Phoebe and Rachel enter the living room.) Rachel: I love you Phoebe. Phoebe: I love you too. (they hug) Please don't... Don't turn into... you know... French bitch! (they hug again) Rachel: All right. Well, if I gonna do this, I'd better keep going. Phoebe: Ok. Rachel: Ok. Monica? Monica: Yeah? Rachel: Can you come here with me for a minute? Monica: Sure. Phoebe: (to Monica) Are you wearing waterproof mascara? Monica: No. Phoebe: Oh, you're so screwed. (Monica goes into the guest room) Ross: (to Phoebe) Hey. What was that all about? Phoebe: She's gonna say goodbye to each of us individually. Ross: Are you kidding? Oh my God... Phoebe: Yeah, I know, it's gonna be even worse for you... God... Ross, get ready to do some serious crying. Ross: Oh, man, I'm not going to be able to handle this. (pause) Now I know how my students feel at the end of each year. And why they act out by giving me such bad evaluations. [Scene: The guest bedroom. Rachel and Monica are talking to each other.] Rachel: Mon... Okay... I've gotta... just say what it is I'm gonna say... None of the amazing things that have happened to me in the last ten years, would have happened if it wasn't for you. No-one has been more like a sister to me... Monica: I know what you mean. You're like a sister to me too. Rachel: (starts crying and speaking at the same time, making it almost impossible to understand what she's saying) I wouldn't know what I'm gonna do without you... Monica: (having the same problem) You're the best friend I ever had. Rachel: (says something that cannot be understood) Monica: What? Rachel: I... I... I... (again saying something that cannot be understood) Monica: That is so sweet. (they hug) [Scene: Back to the living room. Monica and Rachel enter and hug each other. The guys see this.] Ross: (to Joey) Oh no, she took down Monica... And I'm the crier in the family. Oh God! I could be next. Maybe she won't talk with me if it looks like we're deep in converstation. Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing. Chandler: Uh, Rach? Ross: Well it's okay. Chandler is talking to her. Joey: I really made you think about that thing uh? Chandler: (to Rachel) Uh, Rach... I think I have something that belongs to you. (shows her the cuffs) Rachel: (laughs) Oh, I'm sure gonna miss pretending to laugh at your weird jokes that I don't get. Chandler: No, no, no... They're really yours. We... found them in your old room. Rachel: Well, these aren't mine. Maybe Monica used to use them with... Chandler: Don't say Richard! Well, if they're not Monica's and they're not yours, then whose are they? Rachel: Well, I think you're forgetting the kinkiest former resident of that room. Chandler: Pheebs! Phoebe: (from the other side of the room) Yeah! Chandler: I think these are yours. Phoebe: These are not mine... Look how flimsy they are, come on! Good God! You try to hang a guy from a waterpipe with these, they'll snap like a piece of licorice. Rachel: (to Chandler) Can I talk to you alone for a minute? Chandler: Sure. (to Phoebe) You don't really handcuff guys to waterpipes do you? Phoebe: Where do you think Mike really is? (she giggles, Chandler looks aghast) [Scene: The guest bedroom. Chandler and Rachel.] Rachel: Oh honey... Chandler: Let me just say something... Because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke... I just want to say that I... I love you... And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving. Rachel: (all mushy) Oh, you know what? Let's not say anything else. I love you. (they hug) Chandler: Ooh, not so tight... (blows raspberry, and the hug ends) I'm sorry, just give me one more chance. Rachel: Okay. Oh... (Chandler blows raspberry again) Rachel: Oh! Chandler: I'm sor... Just go. Just go. I can't, I can't. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica's living room. We look outside to the balcony where Rachel is saying goodbye to Joey.] Monica: (to Ross) So, I guess you're next. You're ready? Ross: I don't think so. Chandler: Oh, you're definately not. I haven't cried like that in years. Monica: You cried yesterday at the six o'clock news. Chandler: That old woman was being scammed by her mechanic. Ross: God! I can't believe she saved me for last. (looking out to the balcony) Why are they taking so long? Phoebe: I don't know. But, God, Joey seems to be handling it suprisingly well. (Rachel and Joey hug, and Rachel turns to enter the apartment through the side window again. At that moment Joey tries to climb over the edge of the balcony.) All: No, no, no, no! (Rachel rushes back and pulls Joey back onto the balcony, and takes him inside.) Ross: Okay, here we go... Rachel: Oh... (holding Ross's shoulder) Well... Ross: Yeah... Rachel: I think I'm gonna take off. (pats Ross on his back, but he looks very surprised) Ross: Huh? Rachel: Oh, you guys. This was an amazing night. Thank you so much. I love you. Good night. (She leaves the apartment and they all stare at Ross) Ross: What? I don't get a goodbye? Joey: (still very emotional) Lucky bstrd! [Scene: Monica's apartment continued... Phoebe, Chandler, Monica and Joey are sitting down and Ross is pacing up and down.] Ross: Unbelievable. She says goodbye to everyone but me. Monica: Well, maybe she thought that with all of your history it could be, you know, implicit. Ross: Well, it needs to be plicit. Joey: All right, let's think about this. I mean, there's got to be an explanation. Uh... did you do anything to make her mad? Ross: No, I don't think so. Phoebe: You know, maybe she was just really spent from our talk. It was pretty intense. Monica: Yeah. Mine too. Chandler: Mine was a humdinger Ross: (annoyed) O-kay... I mean, don't I deserve anything? I mean, a few tears, a cursory hug? (Joey gives Ross a hug) NOT FROM YOU! (Joey lets go) Phoebe: Ross, if you're this upset, you should go and talk to her. Monica: And say what? "You owe me a goodbye", I mean, he's got more pride than that. Ross: THE HELL I DO! (Ross takes big steps leaving for Joey and Rachel's apartment, where Rachel is going through her papers.) Ross: I don't get a goodbye? Rachel: What? Ross: (talking agitated and angry) Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What have I got to do to get a goodbye, huh? Be best friends with you? Uh, go out with you? Have a baby with you? Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things. Rachel: Ross... Ross: Oh no, maybe it's me, I'm just not giving you enough credit. Uh, I mean it is difficult to say goodbye to five people. Uh, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, good... (makes choking noises) IT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. You know what? After all we've been through, I can't believe this is how you want to leave things between us. Have a, have a good time in Paris. (He leaves the apartment. Rachel looks kind of desperate.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. The others are still there.] Monica: I hope Ross isn't too upset. Joey: I'm sure he's not more bummed out than I am. Phoebe: Tell me about it. Chandler: Well, you can't say we don't know how to throw a party. Phoebe: All right, I think I'm gonna head out. Monica: Uh, where do you think you're going? Phoebe: I thought I was going home to go to bed, but I'm sensing there's something less fun for me to do here. Monica: We're moving in a couple of days and we've got a lot of packing to do. It would be great if you guys could pitch in. Chandler: Joey and I can finish up in the guest room. Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, good idea. (he mimes hitting his head with his fist) Monica: Oh no! You and Phoebe are gonna help me in here. Chandler: (to Joey) You couldn't be cool. (he goes to the guest bedroom) Monica: Okay, we're gonna start in the kitchen. Plates get put into plate protectors and stacked ten to a box. The silverware gets bundled in rubber bands and then bubble wrapped. Got it? Phoebe and Joey: Yeah. Monica: Good! Now I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember, if I am harsh with you, it is only because you are doing it wrong. Chandler: Hey Mon, I think I figured out whose handcuffs they are. Monica: You did? How? Chandler: Well, I was cleaning out the closet and I found some pictures of them... being used. Monica: Oh my God! Let me see. (they all look at the pictures) Joey: Who's that dirty old lady? Chandler: Monica's grandmother. Monica: Nana liked it rough! (Erica, the pregnant girl, enters) Erica: Hi! All: Hey! Joey: Come on here, have a seat. Phoebe: How was your night? Erica: Oh, it was okay. I went to a movie with my cousin and then out for dinner. We went to this place that had... Ooh... (she looks likes she is in pain, holding her belly) Hoo... ooh... Anyway, they had these really amazing cheeseburgers. Monica: Erica, are you okay? Erica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomach aches. They come and go like every few minutes. Monica: Oh my God! Chandler: Relax! We just get her some antacids. Monica: She doesn't have a stomach ache, she's in labor. Chandler: Oh my God! Phoebe: Yeah, you got to get to the hospital. Monica: All right, Chandler get the coats. Erica let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I got to sit down, I got to sit down. Ooh! (she's hyperventilating) Chandler: Honey, it's gonna be okay. Erica: You can do this. Just breathe. Monica: Okay, okay... Okay, I feel a little better. Erica: (in pain) Ooh! Are you sure? Monica: Oh... Yes, I'm sure. Oh honey, let's go. Okay bye everyone. (there's a lot of supportive cheers from all. Erica, Monica and Chandler leave.) Joey: Chandler, wait, wait, wait... Chandler: What? Joey: If you get a second, find out where she got that cheeseburger. [Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel bursts in.] Rachel: You really think I didn't say goodbye to you because I don't care? Ross: That's what it seemed like. Rachel: I cannot believe that after ten years, you do not know ONE thing about me. Ross: Fine, then why didn't you say something? Rachel: Because it is too damn hard Ross. I can't even begin to explain to you how much I'm gonna miss you. When I think about not seeing you every day, it makes me not want to go... Okay, so if you think that I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me. So there, all right, there's your goodbye... Oh! Ross: Rach! Rachel: What? Ross: You keep, you keep... You can't... Rachel: WHAT? (Ross walks over to her and starts to kiss her passionately. After a while Rachel backs out. She thinks a while and starts kissing him back.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.] Joey: A little more. Phoebe: Okay. (she starts to stuff styrofoam peanuts down the front of Joey's pants.) Joey: A little more, a little more. (she stuffs some more down his pants and Joey's assesses the how many there already are in there.) A little more... All right. Okay, all right, let's do this. Phoebe: All right, ready? Joey: Yeah. All right, now give me your best shot. Phoebe: All right, here it goes... (she knees him in the crotch. He jumps up a bit) Joey: (in pain) Doesn't work... (he falls down on on his knees with his head on the floor)
doc_133	Act 1 Scene 1 - Café Nervosa Fade in. Frasier is just getting to a table. Niles comes in. Niles: Just the man I wanted to see. Coffee, please. Frasier: Niles, Niles... Niles: You would not believe the morning I... Frasier: Niles, would you be terrible offended if I asked you just not to not talk about it and sit quietly? Niles: Can I at least tell you...? Frasier: Shhh, shhh, please, I do not have time for your folderol today. I am meeting Charlotte for lunch and I'm planning my strategy on how to win her over. Niles: I thought you said she has a boyfriend, this environmentalist fellow. Frasier: Yes, Frank. The waiter brings Niles' coffee. Niles: Thank you. So, what's your plan to get around him? Frasier: I'm merely going to present myself as the anti-Frank. Niles: Ah. So you're going to be not rugged and not handsome? Interesting. Frasier: No. Niles: You're also going to be not passionate and not committed. Frasier: Very funny. Niles: Maybe she'd like you if you were not interesting and not informed. Frasier: Niles! Niles: Well you said my day was folderol! Frasier: Sometimes it is! CUT TO: Roz and a man talking at the window table. Roz: I don't believe you. Steve: It's true. My roommate and I used to listen to your show Every day just for you. We fell in love with your voice. Roz: Really? [in a dusky tone] It's just a voice. Steve: Well, all the guys on my floor listen to you. Roz: To our show? Steve: Yeah. Roz: Boy, things sure have changed since I was in college. Steve: Well, it wasn't exactly college, more like prison. Roz: So was mine. So where'd you go? Steve: Prison. Roz: Oh. So... you fell in love with my voice? CUT TO: Niles and Frasier as Charlotte walks in. Charlotte: Hi. The boys rise. Frasier: Charlotte, hi. You remember my brother Niles. Niles: Yes, Charlotte, how are you? Charlotte: Oh, hello. Well, frustrated. Been selling this guy all over town, but no one's buying. Niles: [sitting] Well, perhaps if you threw in a toaster. Charlotte: I just have to call Frank before we head out. Frasier: Oh, right. So everything's settled between the two of you? Charlotte: Oh, yeah. He came over last night, I don't even remember what we were fighting about. She walks back to the payphone as Frasier grumpily turns to Niles. Frasier: You know what THAT means, don't you? [sitting] They had a long night of acrobatic make-up sx. Niles: I just thought of another way you could be the anti-Frank. Frasier glares for a moment, then gets a gleam in his eye. Frasier: Niles. Niles: Mmm? Frasier: Keep an eye out for her, will you? Niles: What are you doing? Frasier: Research. Frasier opens Charlotte's purse and begins looking through it. Niles: Frasier, Frasier? Foul play! Frasier: Yes, all is fair in love and war. That's interesting. An anthology of Irish plays. Perfect! Niles: What do you know about Irish plays? Frasier: Nothing. But not for long. There's one area where no man has ever bested me, Niles: homework! Charlotte comes back and Frasier gets to his feet. Frasier: Charlotte, listen, I was just beeped by a patient who's desperate to see me, so do you mind if we just switch lunch for dinner? Charlotte: Actually, that's better for me. I have four new clients coming in. Just think: the woman of your dreams may be sitting in my office this afternoon. Frasier: Indeed she may. Frasier smiles, then turns and hurries out. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - A Restaurant Fade in. Frasier hurries up to the Maitre D', Georges. Georges: Ah, Monsieur, so nice to see you again. Your special table is ready for you. Frasier: And the wine? Georges: As you requested, monsieur. Frasier: Right. And the roses? Georges: I'm so sorry, monsieur, I felt that the scent would distract from the wine's distinctive bouquet. Frasier: You forgot them, didn't you? Georges: Yes, forgive me. He hangs his head. Frasier: For God's sake, Georges. All right, send a busboy out to pick some wild flowers, please. Georges: Very good sir. He heads off as Charlotte comes in the front. Charlotte: Gee. You kinda sprinted ahead of me, there. Frasier: So sorry. I just wanted to make sure that we could get a table. Here, come and sit. Charlotte: This place is kinda fancy for a working dinner. Frasier: Yes, well, after the rigors of your camping trip with Frank, I thought you deserved a little elegance. Charlotte: Thank you. [She gets her notebook.] So, good news: I met this great woman today. How do you feel about dating someone a little taller than you? Frasier pours the wine. Frasier: How much taller? Charlotte: I don't know exactly, but I did have to turn off the ceiling fan. Frasier: Well, let's just put her in the maybe pile, shall we? Frank comes in and over to the table. Frank: Hi, sweetie. Charlotte: Hi. Frank: Sorry to interrupt. I know you're working. Charlotte: Frank, you know Frasier. Frank: Yes. Frasier: Yes, yes, good to see you, Frank. Frank: I just need the key to your apartment. I left my blue field notebook there and I want to double-check some whale songs I copied down. Charlotte: Oh, sure. Frank: We were in a boat all day, recording whale songs. I think we may have had a really big interpretive breakthrough. Frasier: Oh, you should tell us about it sometime. Frank: That's a great wine. Can I steal a glass? Charlotte: Yeah, here. [to Frasier] You don't mind, do you? Frank sits. Frasier: No, no, not at all. Although as the Irish say: "A man takes a drink, the drink takes a drink, the drink takes the man." Frank: That's very good. "As the old cock crows, the young cock learns." Frasier: Yes, well, wasn't it O'Casey who once wrote: "The Irish treat a serious thing as a joke, and a joke as a serious thing."? Charlotte: You'd really have to ask Frank about that. He's the one who loves Irish literature. He lent me an anthology, but I haven't made much of a dent in it. I'm sorry, honey, I'm trying. Frank: I know you are, baby. He kisses her cheek as Georges brings a vase of wild flowers to the table. Georges: Your flowers as requested, monsieur. [noticing Frank] I'm sorry, I thought you were to be deux. Frasier: Yes, well now we are trois. Thank you, Georges, could you bring us another glass, please. Georges: [knowingly] Yes, I understand, monsieur. It is most sophisticated of you. He walks off. Charlotte: Frasier, you ordered these flowers? Frasier: Well, the table just looked so bare. Frank: These are great choices, man. These are Washington wild flowers, remember from our hike? Foxglove, fine toothed penstemon, harsh paintbrush. Ah, remember this one? Charlotte: Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue... Frank: Monkey-flower. Charlotte: Monkey-flower! Frasier: Yes, often confused with the chimp-pansy. They all laugh. Charlotte: Frank made the same joke this morning. Frasier: Oh. Frank: Great minds. Frasier: Yes, yes. George brings the menus, Frasier speaks to him in French. Frasier: Just two menus, Georges. This fellow is only staying for a drink. Frank: [in French] No, no. I'll take a menu. We're having fun. And to tell you the truth, I'm starving. Frasier: Oh, terrific. As Frasier glares at his menu in frustration, the word "Merde" appears in the subtitles. [N.B. Georges is meant to be French, but if you listen carefully you hear a hint of a Cockney accent.] [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Niles and Daphne are on the couch. Martin opens the front door for Roz. Martin: Hi, how ya doin'? Roz: Hi. Hey, look at you, Mr. Handsome. Martin: Thanks. I'm gonna go hear Ronee sing at the Rendezvous. And then afterwards I am going to give her her engagement ring. He shows it off with a flourish and Daphne takes the box. Daphne: Oh, Martin, it's beautiful. Roz: She's gonna love this. Martin: Thanks. I forgot I had it. I bought it years ago for Sherry, but then we broke up. Daphne: You can't give Ronee a used ring! Martin: Sherry never touched it. Roz: Well, it doesn't matter. Ronee deserves something you picked out just for her. Martin: Well, she'll think I picked this out just for her. Daphne: But you didn't. Martin: But she'll think I did. Daphne: But you didn't. You'll have to sell that and buy Ronee a new one. Martin: Oh, what's the difference? Niles, come on, back me up here. Niles: You can't be serious! Martin: Oh, geez. He heads for his room. Martin: Fine, back in the vault. Daphne: Some vault. It's an old cigar box with a bunch of silver dollars and Eddie's baby teeth. [N.B. See [5.11], "Ain't Nobody's Business If 'I Do.'"] Frasier comes in from his room and grabs his jacket. Frasier: Oh, hey, Roz. What are you doing here? Roz: Oh, hi. I was just shopping around the corner, thought I'd stop by. Frasier: Oh, gosh, well unfortunately I have a date. Roz: That's okay, I have one myself. With Steve. Frasier: Oh, yes, your convict friend. Do you think that's wise? Roz: The man made one mistake. Besides, I don't know any guy who's not a little fascinated by fire. Frasier: Yes, and a felon now knows where you live. Roz: I'm not a total idiot. Her cell phone rings and she answers it. Roz: Hello? Oh, yeah, hi, Steve. I'm grabbin' my coat, I'll be right down. She walks past an outraged Frasier to the door. Frasier: You...?! She leaves. Niles: So, you have a date tonight. Frasier: Yes, yes, actually Charlotte and I have been out three times this week. We've been wine tasting, beach-combing, and we actually shared a blanket in a horse-drawn carriage. Daphne: I take it Frank's off in the mountains again? Frasier: Oh, no, he was there, too. Martin comes back out. Martin: Let's go. The others get up. Niles: You mean, it's been the three of you all week? Frasier: Well, it's not exactly how I wanted, but the more time I spend with them, the less time they spend alone together. They follow Martin out the door. Daphne: It doesn't bother Frank, you tagging along on their dates? Frasier: Frank? No. In fact, he's quite taken with me. It doesn't even occur to him that I might be a rival. Galling, yes, but it does give me more time to work my magic on Charlotte. CUT TO: the hallway as they wait for the elevator. Frasier: In another week, you can kiss Frank goodbye. The elevator opens to reveal Frank and Charlotte in a passionate embrace. Niles: Maybe we'll wait until there's not a line. Frank and Charlotte come off the elevator. Frank: Hi, guys. Niles: Hello. CUT TO: the living room as he passes Frasier in the doorway. Frank: Gangsta! Frasier: What it is. Charlotte comes in as Frank plops down on the couch. Frasier: So, uh, what's going on? I thought we were meeting downtown. Charlotte: I know, I'm sorry, but can we stay in tonight? I've got to get up early and catch a flight to Chicago for some divorce stuff, and Frank's beat. She sits next to him. Frank: Yeah, I was at the beach all day cataloging the stomach contents of a dead elephant seal. It was like all you can eat down at the Lobster Pot. I'm sorry, the collapse of our coastal fisheries is no joke. I'm just punchy. Charlotte: We brought some movies. We couldn't agree on which one to watch, so you break the tie. She holds out the DVDs and Frasier sits on the coffee table to look at them. Frasier: Hmm... "The Perfect Storm" or "When Harry Met Sally." I guess I'm going to have to go for "When Harry Met Sally." Frank: YES! He'll have what I'm havin'! Frasier just shrugs with his "I can't win" expression. [SCENE_BREAK] MENAGE A HUH? Scene 4 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Charlotte is waiting in the hallway. When the elevator opens, Martin and Ronee get off. They notice that Charlotte's hair is unkempt. Charlotte: Oh, hi. We keep passing each other. Martin: Yeah. We got some dessert here, if you wanna stay. Charlotte: Oh, no thanks. I've got to catch an early flight, but tell Frasier I'll call him? Martin: Sure. Bye. Charlotte: Bye-bye. The elevator closes. Ronee: Do I know her? He unlocks the door. Martin: Yeah, she's the woman Frasier's been after. She has a boyfriend already, but maybe somethin' happened. Ronee: I'll say. You don't get that hair-style sitting up. CUT TO: the living room as they come in and Martin turns on the light. Frasier is asleep on the couch, Frank is asleep and curled against his shoulder. Martin: Oh, geez! He heads off to his room. Ronee: Well, so long as he's happy. [SCENE_BREAK] End of Act 1 Act 2 LORD OF THE RING Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. The doorbell rings and Martin answers. It is Niles and Daphne. Martin: Oh, hi guys. Niles: Hey, Dad. Frasier: Hey, Daphne, Niles. Listen, the opera tickets are right there by the phone. Wish I could use them myself. Daphne sits down, Niles hangs up his coat. Niles: You know, if you'd gotten a third, you could take that couple you're dating. Frasier: Yes, that's very droll. Frank injured himself on our hike, so I've got Charlotte all to myself this evening. I'm not going to waste this opportunity. I'm going to make her a romantic dinner and then tell her how I feel about her. Martin: Wow, really? Niles: Are you sure she's ready for that? Frasier: Well, I don't know, but I can't stand this ridiculous threesome anymore. You know, the worst part is how completely unthreatening Frank finds me. As if I'm some sort of a harem eunuch. He grabs some bags and his keys and gets ready to leave. Daphne: How'd he hurt himself, anyway? Frasier: Well, he strained his back carrying me over a brook. Niles: You wounded him and you're stealing his woman in the same day? Frasier: Well, I didn't ask the man to carry me! He simply hoisted me over his shoulder before I could stop him. That's not something you get used to, no matter how many times it happens. Martin: Don't you worry about it. You just do what you gotta do. Frasier: Thanks, Dad. Wish me luck. I'm making her beef bourguignon from a new recipe. All: Good luck. Niles: Flour the beef. Frasier takes spirit from this, then closes the door behind him. Daphne: You're looking very sharp. Martin: [getting up] Oh, I got the new ring. Daphne gets up and Niles crowds in. Daphne: Oh, let's have a look. Martin: I sold the old one and got this new one this morning. Daphne opens the box and Niles reels back a little. Niles: Dad, it's huge. Daphne: Oh, it's beautiful, Martin. Martin: Yeah. Ronee comes in the front. Ronee: Hi. Martin: Hey. Ronee: What's goin' on? Martin: Nothin'. Oh, you look lovely tonight. But you know, I think your hand is kinda underdressed. He holds the ring out to Ronee who takes it excitedly. Ronee: Oh, my God! Marty, it's gorgeous. I love it and I love you, in that order. She hugs him. Ronee: Oh, thank you. Listen, I've got to go wash my hands. I was eating Cheetos all the way over. Martin: I love this lady. Ronee hurries off, Daphne takes the ring again. Daphne: Oh, let's have a look. Oh, it's brilliant. Oh, you had it inscribed! Martin: I did? Niles: "Lil' Cupid. Til Def Do Us Part." What is that? Martin: Let me see that. Daphne: Isn't "Lil' Cupid" that obese rapper? The one they arrested for drugs? Niles: Where did you get this ring? Martin: At an auction! [off their looks] A police auction. Niles: You can't give that to her! Martin: Well I can't take it back, she loves it. Daphne: Well, what are you going to tell her? Martin: Well, just relax, I'll handle it. Ronee comes back in. Martin: Well, there's my lil' cupid. All beautiful and clean. All you need is a bow and arrow, Lil' Cupid. Ronee: Why are you calling me that? Martin: I always call you that. Ronee: No, no you don't. Martin: Well, uh, maybe I mostly say it when you're not around. He looks at Niles and puts the ring on her finger. Niles: Oh, yes. It's always "Lil' Cupid said this." or "Lil' Cupid did that." Daphne: It looks beautiful on you. Ronee: Thank you. Martin: Now, promise me you'll never take it off, Lil' Cupid. Ronee: Okay, okay. I promise if you'll stop calling me that. Martin: Deal. They kiss. Ronee: I'm gonna go look at this in the mirror. She goes to the powder room. Daphne: How did you get it to fit her? Lil' Cupid's as big as a house. Martin: Keep your voice down. It was a toe ring. He smugly sits back in his chair with a beer. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Charlotte's Apartment Fade in. Charlotte is sitting at her table, Frasier comes in with two plates. Frasier: Here we are. Beef bourguignon with sautéed fiddlehead ferns and walnut chutney. Charlotte: It's exactly what I need after the day I've had. Frasier: Well, maybe I could give you a neck rub while it cools. He starts giving her a massage. Charlotte: Oh... oh, you're the best. You know, I am so sorry you've had to put up with all this business with me and Frank. Frasier: What business? Charlotte: Well, you know, all this tension between us. Frasier: There's tension? Charlotte: He's a great guy, we just seem to be... I don't know... Frasier: Fighting? Growing apart? Not clicking? There is a knock at the door. Frank: Darling. Charlotte gets up quickly, snagging her hair. Frasier: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, it's my watch. It's caught. Charlotte: Oh, got it? She turns around in his arms, while he reaches up and tries to release her hair. Frank comes in while they're in this compromising position. Frank: Shoulda known. The minute I'm laid up, you're over here making my lady dinner. You're true blue, buddy. He walks over and kisses Charlotte on the cheek. Frank: Hi, baby. Charlotte: Hello, Frank. He snatches a bite from Frasier's plate. Frank: Mmm, walnut chutney, that's daring. Frasier finally gets untangled and helps Charlotte to her seat. Frank: Were you giving her a back rub? Frasier: Uh, was I? Yes, I suppose I was, yes. Frank: Would you mind doing me? I took an aspirin after the hike, and my neck's still a little tight. Frasier starts massaging Frank's shoulders. Frank: So, tell me all about Chicago. How was it? Charlotte: I'll tell you later. Frank: Oh, that's nice. Charlotte: Frasier, stop rubbing his neck. Sit down. Frasier does. Frank: Why can't he rub my neck? Charlotte: Because when you came in, we were just sitting down to dinner. You could've called first. Frank: Well, I didn't know I needed to get clearance. Geez, you're as touchy as a hermit thrush. Charlotte: This is typical of you. You come in here, you expect me to change my plans because you're suddenly available. It's insensitive. Frank: Oh, I'M insensitive. I've been tracking a pod of humpback whales for a week and they've been talking their asses off, but have you once asked me what Bonnie has to say? Or Robert? Or Grace? Charlotte: They're WHALES! Frank: They're my friends! Charlotte: Stop yelling. You're upsetting Frasier. Frank: I didn't do anything. I came in here, kissed you hello, and you jumped down my throat. What the hell is your problem? Charlotte: You are! You are driving me crazy! Frank: Do you believe her? Charlotte: Don't you drag him into this! Oh, you know what, I can't deal with this tonight. She gets up. Frank: Well, when can you deal with it? I'll call ahead and make an appointment. Charlotte: I think you should leave. Frank: Fine! He gets up. Frank: Come on, Frasier, let's go. He heads for the door while Charlotte heads for the bathroom. Frasier just looks confused. Frank: Times like this, a guy really needs his buddy. Giving up, Frasier tosses down his napkin and follows Frank out. DISSOLVE TO: later. Charlotte is on the couch, slumped down and drinking wine. Frasier knocks on the door and comes in. Frasier: Hi. Just wanted to see how you're doing. Charlotte: Tip-top. How's your friend? Frasier: He went someplace dark. I couldn't follow. He sits down next to her. Charlotte: Him and his moods. Frasier: No, no, he climbed some kind of pine tree. Charlotte: Look, I'm, I'm sorry about all that. I think this is it for Frank and me. Frasier: Really? Charlotte: It's just not working. I think I was always attracted to the idea of him more than him. Frasier: This may seem inappropriate, but I'm not entirely sad to hear you say that. Charlotte: What do you mean? Frasier: I would think my feelings were obvious by now. All the time we've been spending together. Charlotte sits up and puts down her glass. Charlotte: I just thought it was because you were hitting it off with Frank. Frasier: Are you kidding? The man smells like a chum boat. You, you're the one I wanted to be with. Look, uh, I realize you're in a vulnerable state and you probably need some time to process this, so I'll just, uh... He gets up. Charlotte: Don't go. I've been thinking a little about you, too. Frasier: Really? He sits back down. Frasier: Well, then. He leans over and kisses her, laying her back on the couch. Charlotte: Oh, God, I'm uncomfortable. Frasier: I'm sorry, I'm rushing things. Charlotte: No, no, it's just I'm lying on a wine bottle. She puts it aside and they start kissing again. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Charlotte's Apartment Fade in. Charlotte is in bed, rain can be heard outside. Frasier comes in with two mugs. Frasier: Good morning. Charlotte sits up with a worried look on her face. Charlotte: Oh, dear God, please tell me nothing happened last night. Frasier is dumbstruck. Charlotte: I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Frasier, relieved, sits on the bed and gives her a kiss. She takes one of the mugs. Charlotte: I'm glad you stayed. Frasier: Me too. Frank comes in the front door, wearing a bandage. Frank: Hey, guys. You're in my robe. Guess you got caught in the rain, too, huh? Frasier: Yes, I did. Frank sits on the edge of the bed. Frasier: What happened to your hand? Frank: Ah, I was so mad last night, I punched a raccoon. God, I'm a bst*rd. You're a good guy to come check on her. Never understand why women don't like you. [to Charlotte] Can we talk? Charlotte: Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Frasier: My clothes should be dry by now. He grabs them from the floor beside the bed and hurries to the bathroom. Charlotte puts on her robe and Frank gets up. Frank: So, what's goin' on with us? Charlotte: Oh, come on Frank. I think you know it's not working. Frank: Yeah. Charlotte: And, anyway, there's something else you should know. When I was in Chicago, my ex told me he's moving to New York. So, I bought the old business from him. I'm moving back home. She sits down on the couch, Frank sits down next to her. Frank: You sure about this? Charlotte: Yeah. I mean, I know Chicago, I have friends there. Seattle just hasn't panned out for me. I thought you should be the first to know. Frank: Well, I know you'll do great. Charlotte: So will you. Frasier comes out of the bathroom. Frasier: Uh, I should be going. Frank and Charlotte stand up. Frank: That's okay. You stay, I'm goin'. He walks over and hugs Frasier. Frank: You know this isn't your fault, right partner? You be good, buddy. He leaves. Frasier: I know I should feel sad for Frank, but I can't help feeling happy. Charlotte: Frasier, I... He kisses her quickly. Frasier: Listen, I'm late for about three things, so can I see you later this afternoon? Maybe after my show? Charlotte: Okay, after your show. Frasier: Perfect. Look, I hate to jinx this, but I'm so glad about what happened. He kisses her again and leaves. She slowly sits back down, a worried look on her face. [SCENE_BREAK] End of Act 2 [SCENE_BREAK] Martin and Ronee are eating at Georges' restaurant. Ronee shows him her ring and he's impressed while Martin proudly looks on. Lil' Cupid, the rapper, comes in with his date and Georges leads them to a table. Passing by, he notices Ronee's ring and comments on it. Martin quickly covers her hand with his and stares him off.
doc_134	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Jamie : For you, Miss Lauren. Lauren : Thank you, Jamie. Jamie : They're from my uncle skills. He thinks you're cute. Lauren : Antwon "Skills" Taylor crashing a 5-year-olds' dance? Skills: I was hoping to see you. Bobby : I'm moving Nino to shooting guard, and I'm keeping you at the point. Nino : With me at the point, you're gonna get more chances to score. Nathan : All right? I'll get you the ball. Cause if you can do that, the scouts will come. Brooke : I have a letter for you from your birth mother. You've been going to that coffee shop for months. You must want something from her, even if it's just closure. Lucas : Peyton has a condition called placenta previa. Brooke : Lucas, come on, what if everything doesn't go perfectly? Lucas : She could die, and... and the baby, too. AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Peyton : The honorary title, Matthew Ryan, the cure, Audioslave, Haley James Scott. They're all in here. It's music to set your life to. And music always helps, no matter what you're going through. So, if you flunk a big test or you have a really bad break-up. Or you just miss someone so bad, it hurts...Then listen to my playlist -"100 songs to save your life" and it should help. Oh, and there is this new artist that is really special, and her second album is just about to come out. So you should check her out. Her name's Mia Catalano. This road is anything but simple twisted like a riddle I've seen high, and I've seen low so loud the voices over my doubts are telling me to give up to pack up and leave town but even so, I had to believe oh, impossible means nothing to me so, can you lift me up? Peyton : A best friend ... okay, this one is so important. Choose wisely, okay? I got really lucky with mine. My best friend is funny, intelligent, creative, beautiful and successful and very kind. And she's also impulsive, frustrating, um...complicated, childish. But I would not have her any other way. And the best part about Brooke Davis is that she always puts friends first. So...if you are ever in any kind of trouble, now you know who to call. I can't think of anyone I would rather have watching over you. IN THE STREET Victoria : It's been a month, Brooke. You've got to stop spying on them like this. Brooke : Thank you, concernicus. How would you know what I've been up to? Victoria : 'Cause I've been watching the both of you. Iced coffee with skim milk it'll change your life. Brooke : She's eating pecan pie. She doesn't even like pecan pie. AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Peyton : Being a kid without a mom really sucks. And I know this because I've been there... twice. And if you're watching this, then it means that you're in that place, too. And I'm so sorry for that. But if you ever need a mom-and-dad fix, you have Nathan and Haley for that. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : Gotcha! I gotcha now! Jamie : No! No! Haley : Okay, easy. If he pees his pants, you're on laundry duty. Jamie : You look pretty, mama. Haley : Oh, thanks, buddy. I got to go. I'm late. I got to pick up Mia from the studio and go over to Peyton's for her baby shower. Do you think you can drop him off on your way out of town? Lucas is gonna watch him. Nathan : Sure, no problem. Haley : Thank you. I'm gonna miss you so much. Call me after the game, okay? Nathan : Yeah. Haley : Okay Bye. I'll see you later. Peyton's waiting. Nathan : Bye. Haley : Bye! Jamie : Bye. Love you. Haley : I love you, too. Jamie : Again? Nathan : Again?! 'Cause I have overcome more than words will ever say and I've been given hope that there's a light on up the hall and that a day will come when the fight is won and I think that day has just begun oh, oh, just begun lift me up ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, oh oh, oh, lift me up lift me up, lift me up AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Peyton : I really hope that we get to share all these things together. But just in case, it's all right he. Now, there is just one thing... that I need from you. Please... take very special care of your father ... because if I'm not around... he's gonna need you to take care of him, just like my dad needed me. So, love him ... and take care of him ... and be kind to him. Just please ... Do that for me. Lucas : Peyton, what is this? Peyton : I just thought I should. Lucas : No. No, you... You said everything was gonna be okay. You said that. Peyton : Okay, but, Luke, if it isn't, I want our child to be able to remember me. It's just in case. Lucas : Our child's not gonna have to remember you. Our child's gonna know you. We're not doing this, Peyton. Peyton : Lucas. Lucas : A death video? A sad box of stuff? I'm not having any of this, Peyton. I mean, what's next? Peyton : I want to get married ... now. Lucas : Absolutely not. You're supposed to be taking it easy. Okay, look, after you have this baby and you're all better, then ... then we'll get married. Peyton : I want to get married. Lucas : Why? Why is it so important to do it now? Peyton : Because... Lucas : We're not doing anything just in case, okay? I'll be in the garage. You should be in bed. Peyton : Thank you! I love you, too, by the way. AT WALMART Brooke : Remind me again what we're doing here? Victoria : Know thy enemy, Brooke. Suit yourself, but this is our competition and they're cutting into our market share with these hideous things. Brooke : Yeah, the appropriate word being "hideous". Victoria : Don't be so dismissive. Maybe you should pay a visit to the manufacturer, get some inspiration. Brooke : I have Sam, and Sam has school, so I'm not going anywhere. Besides, I need to be here while she's meeting with... you know who. Victoria : You mean the biological mother with the pathetically low credit score? Brooke : What are you talking about? Victoria : So, I had business affairs run her credit report. Don't hate me because I'm resourceful. Brooke : You did what? Victoria : Brooke, we have to be able to make a case against the woman. Brooke : We are not building a case against anyone. Do you think that I can't see what you're doing? There is no running from this. Sam has every right to know her ... real mom. Victoria : Suit yourself. Red is really your color. What do you think? Brooke : Do you think we're shopping right now? Victoria : Absolutely not. This is strictly R&D for our new line. Brooke : You are so trying to shop with me! IN THE GARAGE Lucas : Hey ! Nathan : Hey ! Jamie : Uncle Lucas, can I help you fix aunt Peyton's car? Lucas : Hey, sure, buddy. Nathan : Careful. Sure this is no problem, him hanging out with you? Lucas : Yeah, I could use the company anyway. Nathan : Everything okay? Lucas : It's Peyton. I-I-I found her putting together a time capsule, or a ... a "just in case" capsule. That's what i thought. Nathan : I know, yeah. Lucas : It's just, you know, weird that I'm approaching what's supposed to be the most exciting moment of my entire life with nothing but... complete and utter fear. Nathan : You want to hear a secret? Day Jamie was born, I was...petrified. Lucas : No, you know, it's different, though, you know? I mean, what if something happens to Peyton? I don't know how we got this far. Nathan : Well, you got this far 'cause it's what she wanted. You know? It's like when Karen let you play basketball with your HCM. She knew how bad you wanted it, so she just held her breath and let you play. We all did, you know? Maybe ... maybe this is the time you have to hold your breath for Peyton. Lucas : She wants to get married. Nathan : So do you. You proposed, remember? Lucas : She wants to get married right away. It all just worries me. Nathan : Well, as worried as you are, think about how scared she is. Look, if you had one more day to spend with Peyton, would you rather spend it arguing or just being married? AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : You ready? Sam : For what? Brooke : Peyton's baby shower. You didn't forget, did you? Sam : Sure she wants me there? Brooke : Of course I'm sure. The invitation was addressed to both of us, you knucklehead. Sam : Yeah. Brooke : Are you okay, Sam? Sam : Yep, I'm good. Brooke : Okay. So, everything's going okay with, you know... Sam : My mom? Brooke : Yeah. Sam : Yeah. Brooke : What do you got there? Sam : It's her house. you know, she gave me up when she was my age. How weird is that? Brooke : Yeah. Sam : She said she didn't want to, but her parents made her do it. Brooke : well, I can relate to having crummy parents who make bad decisions. Sam : Yeah. You know, it's funny. I've always... wanted to live in a house with a white picket fence. Brooke : Well, we can have a picket fence if you want. You can have any kind of fence you want. I'll just wait for you to get dressed. Sam : You know, if it's okay, can I just meet you there? Brooke : Yeah. I'll see you at Peyton's. AT THE GYMNASIUM Mouth : So, the stage is set for the Charleston chiefs, who can move into sole possession of first place with a win tonight. And with the season coming to a close and possible NBA call-ups hanging in the balance, coach Bobby irons will be looking for explosive performances from his two leading scorers, Nino Jones and point guard Nathan Scott. Nino : I can't believe anybody out there would want your autograph. Nathan : Are they are than would want it from you. Nino : Look, just 'cause you're the starting point guard don't mean you can show up late. I had you going for a second. And don't worry. I covered for you, man. Bobby : Well, well, you guys go on an eight-game winning streak, and suddenly it's a love fest in here. Nathan : I wouldn't go that far. Bobby : I'll tell you what, Scott ... I'll waive your fine for being late if you and your new best friend here can do two things. Nathan : And what's that? Bobby : Win the game tonight... and impress the NBA scout who's here to watch you guys play. Nathan : Scout? Bobby : Word is the clippers are looking for some backcourt help. Nino : All right, then. Yeah. Bobby : Good luck, guys. Nathan : Thanks. Nino : Hey, uh, Scott, I think you might want to sit this one out. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Sam : I'm so not wearing this. Victoria : Sam, it's a baby shower. You can't show up like you just walked out of a Brazilian favela. Sam : Okay, well, this makes me look like Kermit the frog. Victoria : Okay. So, how goes it with... the waitress? Sam : Her name is Rebecca, thank you. And for your information, things are kind of going okay. Victoria : Yes, well... I'm sure your conversations are just riveting. I mean, you have so much to talk about, what with 16 years of pure neglect to hash over. Sam : Don't be mean. Victoria : Sorry. It's just that she left you. So, you know... it's not like that. Sam : I mean... I thought that way at first. I thought she'd be this evil person, you know, this bad person that gave me up, but she's not. You know, she's got her problems, but she's okay. I mean, in a way, she's ... she's kind of like... Victoria : like what? Sam : Like me. Victoria : Did she say she wanted you back? Sam : Doesn't matter. I'm happy here. Victoria : And that's what we want for you, Samantha ... to be happy here. Sam : Yeah, I know. It's just, I don't want to hurt Brooke's feelings, but part of me wants to know her, you know? My real mum? Victoria : Do you want to live with her? Sam : No. Victoria : Of course you don't. That's my girl. Now let's see if we can't find a beautiful dress for you, worthy of the Davis name. AT SKILLS'S APPARTMENT Skills : Oh, man. Hey, man, don't you guys got somewhere else to be? Junk : Dude, I am killing this game right now. Skills : Yeah, well, I got a date with Lauren. So y'all gonna have to be getting y'all asses up out of here. Junk : Hey, isn't this like the third date? Skills : You know what that means. Yeah. That's Jamie's teacher you're talking about. Junk : This from the guy who dropped down granny deb. Skills : Look, it's a date, man - nice, classy, refined. But just in case, you two be gone by the time I get home, all right? AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Peyton : Okay, it's official. I look like a lemon-meringue pie. Brooke : Shut up. You have that whole glow thing going. Peyton : If by "glowing" you mean "growing," then maybe. I really do love the dress, Brooke. It was a great gift. Thanks. Although I am just stuck in the house. Brooke : Well, then you'll be stuck in the house for a month looking fabulous. It was Sam's idea. Peyton : Oh, clearly she's learning from the best. Where is she, anyway? I thought she was coming. Brooke : She'll be here. Peyton : You're doing an amazing job with her, Brooke Davis. Hey, she loves you. Brooke : Well, let's hope so... 'cause I'm thinking of making it official. I'm thinking of adopting her. Peyton : No. Brooke : Yeah. I just got all the papers in the mail. Peyton : Oh, my god, that is such good news. Come here. Sit down. Tell me everything. All right, um ... well, I mean, how's it going with her birth mother? Brooke : It seems like it's going okay. I'm just trying to be supportive. What if Sam likes her better than me? Peyton : Okay, take it from someone who was adopted. I happen to know that Sam just became the luckiest girl in the whole world. Brooke : Thank you, P. Sawyer. You always making everything better for me. Don't. Don't. We are not gonna ruin today crying. You're gonna get out of that dress and clean yourself up because we have a party to go to out there. Come on. IN THE GARAGE Jamie : There's an IPod in here. Awesome! This is the night you and daddy won the state championship. Lucas : Do you know where you were that night? Jamie : In mom's tummy. Lucas : That's right. Jamie : So, mom and dad didn't even know me then. Lucas : Well, none of us did, but we were all really excited to meet you. Jamie : Hey, look! Lucas : Waouh! Now, that was a really important night. Jamie : Because you won the state championship? Lucas : Yeah, but, um... it was also the night I realized I wanted to marry Peyton. Jamie : This is cool. What else is in here? Lucas : Yeah, what is in there? AT THE GYMNASIUM Mouth : Hey, Nathan, I got a question for you. Nathan : Yes, we're gonna win tonight. Mouth : Okay, but, uh... how are you dealing with this long-distance thing? It's killing me. Nathan : Yeah. Me, too. And if you figure that one out, let me know. Hey, you see that guy over here talking to Bobby? He's an NBA scout. Mouth : Good luck tonight, Nate. Nathan : Luck has nothing to do with it. AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Peyton : Look at all of these presents! All right, I'm gonna open the first one. It's from Mia. What did you get me? You got me... ...pictures of you. Mia : Okay, yeah, but the gift is that you get to pick the one that goes on the cover of our new record. Peyton : Good Save. All right, what do we got? What do we got? I want to see. I want to see. Um, sexy. Pretty! Ooh, pretty and sexy. Mm, girls, I think we found a winner. Mia : Yay! Peyton : Wow, I ... I guess this means the record's nearly finished, huh? Haley : Speaking of "wow"... ! AT LAUREN'S HOUSE / MINI GOLF & KARTING Lauren : Antwon. Skills : You ready? Lauren : Uh, we have a slight problem. Chuck : Hey, coach Skills! Skills : What the ... Chuck? Lauren : His mom had an emergency, and she couldn't pick him up from school. So, I promised I'd watch him for a little while. I'm so sorry. I guess we should probably cancel? Skills : Nah. I mean, I...guess he could come. Lauren : You wouldn't mind? Skills : Yeah. Why not? Lauren : Great. I'll get my coat. Chuck : Sweet! Where we going? Skills : Yeah, so, peewee basketball is just how I give back to the kids. But you would be surprised at how profitable the baby-proofing industry is. Yo, chuck! Chuck : Sorry! Lauren : Yeah, he's doing well. Skills : He don't look too bad. Skills : You know, you don't know how few guys would be up for a night like this. I'm so glad we didn't cancel, Antwon. Skills : Really? How glad? Chuck : Come on! Man : Whose freaking kid is this? Damn it! Lauren : Uh, mine! Sorry! I'll be back. AT THE GYMNASIUM Mouth : That's the end of the first half, chiefs leading by 10, IN THE GARAGE Jamie : Hey, it's mama as a cheerleader. Lucas : Yeah, and there's, uh, aunt Brooke and aunt Peyton. Jamie : They've been friends for a long time. Lucas : Oh, yeah, a long time. Jamie : Who's in that one? Let's see. That's Uncle Keith, aunt Karen, and who's that? Lucas : That's me. Jamie : You were a funny-looking baby, uncle Lucas. Lucas : Hey ! Jamie : Just kidding. You're kind of my Uncle Keith, aren't you? Lucas : Well, I'd like to think that's exactly who I am. Jamie : Aunt Peyton's a cool angel. Is aunt Peyton gonna be okay? Lucas : I don't know, bud. Jamie : I think everything's gonna be okay. AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Peyton : Oh, wow, what is it? Haley : It's a baby memory book, and you put photos and journal entries and all that stuff in it. When you look at it five years from now, you'll never believe they were that small. Brooke : You know, Victoria almost got one of those for me. Brooke : Peyton. Peyton : yeah. Haley : You okay? Peyton : I love it. Thank you. And ... I just want you guys to know... I love you so much. Brooke : I love you, too. Mia : Okay, hold on. I'm taking a picture ... no crying for the picture. Yeah? Okay. Okay? Get in here. Ready? One, two, three. AT THE GYMNASIUM Bobby : All right, let's bring it in. It's "chiefs" on three. Mans : One, two, three. Chiefs! Bobby : Let's go. Let's go, dawg. Bring it home. Nate. So far, you've done a terrific job making Nino look good. Just make sure you make yourself look good, too, okay? If you get an open shot, take it. Nathan : The scouts are here to watch everyone. And that includes you, coach. We're gonna win this game. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : I'm not angry. But I would appreciate you talking to me first before you start lavishing Sam with fancy clothes. Victoria : I thought she looked nice. Brooke : Not the point. What are you doing here? Victoria : I wanted to talk to you about Sam. Brooke : What about Sam? Victoria : I know you care for her deeply, as do I. But I think that you should consider letting her spend time with her birth mother on a more permanent basis. Brooke : And what makes you think that? Victoria : Honey, I've been talking to her. Brooke : Don't "honey" me. You talked to her about this? This is not your business! You had no right! I should have known that nothing good was gonna come of the two of you spending time together. Victoria : What can I say? We get along. Unlike some people that's shall remain nameless. Brooke : You can't do this. Victoria : Do what? Brooke : Try to be the mother to her that you never were to me. Victoria : Last time I checked, I was still your ... Brooke : Don't say it. Anyone who ever wanted to be in my life, Peyton, boys, anyone, you tried to push them all away. You tried to push everyone away, and now you want Sam to leave? Victoria : I don't want Sam to leave. Brooke : Yes, you do! It's why you're lying to my face right now! You're jealous because she wants to be with me. Well, she's not going anywhere.. ...not if I having anything to say about it. Victoria : What's that? Brooke : Adoption papers. Victoria : Brooke ... be careful. I don't want you to get hurt. Brooke : All my life, you have avoided being a mother to me. Do not think for one moment that you get to start now. Sam : What's going on? Victoria : I don't know. Maybe you should ask your mother. Sam : What was that about? Brooke : Sam, I want to talk to you about something -- something...important. You're happy here, right? Sam : Yeah. What's going on? Brooke : I want to adopt you -- for real. I want to make it official and forever. I've given this a lot of thought. I want us to be a family. I know that it's your dream to have that, and I want to give that to you now. So, what do you say? Sam : Yeah. Yeah. Brooke : Okay. What? Sam : I can still see my real mom, right? AT THE BAR Skills : Dude, save some for the second half. Lauren : So, you know, you never really talk about your past relationship. Was it a bad break-up? Skills : Yeah, kind of. I mean, in the end, it was mostly a lifestyle thing. We just didn't see eye to eye on some stuff. Chuck : She was a grandma. Skills : Let's just say she was mature. Lauren : Hey, look, that's cool. It's just, um so we're clear, I prefer younger guys ... younger, bald, athletic guys who like kids. Skills : Yeah, well, you know, that's funny, because my last relationship didn't work because I was too young, bald, athletic. But I do like kids. Chuck : Mom says I shouldn't eat dairy. Skills : Some kids. I do like some kids. Lauren : Oh, no. AT THE GARAGE Haley : All right, Jim-Jam, come on, buddy. We got to go. Jamie : Do I have to? Haley : Yes. Chop-chop. If we hurry, we can call your dad before your bedtime. This is what you guys have been working on? Jamie : Don't tell. It's a surprise for aunt Peyton. Haley : Sorry. Lucas : So, uh, how was the shower? Is she okay? Haley : Yeah. Yeah, I think she really enjoyed herself. How are you doing? You're holding up okay? Lucas : Better now. Haley : Good. Glad to hear it. All right, buddy let's go call your dad. Jamie : Thanks, uncle Lucas. That was fun. Lucas : Yeah, it was. Jamie : Your whole life's in that box. I wish I had one. Lucas : See ya. Haley : Bye. IN THE CAR IN FRONT OF LAUREN'S HOUSE Lauren : He's cute. And you are sweet. Look, I know it wasn't the night you planned, but you were really great with chuck. Skills : Yeah. Well, maybe next time it could just be the two of us. Lauren : I'd like that. Skills : Yeah? Lauren : Yes. Chuck : Naughty, naughty. Skills : I'll take his silly butt home. Lauren : Oh, good night, guys. Skills : Good night. Chuck : She's cool. You should ask her out sometime, coach. Skills : Oh, god. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : Can I talk to you? Listen, I didn't mean to ambush you...before. That wasn't right. Sam : It's okay. Brooke : I don't think it is. Sam, I've actually been thinking about this, and I think you should go spend some time with your real mom. You want to, don't you? Sam : Please don't hate me. Brooke : Samantha, I could never hate you. I love you very much. Sam : But you stayed for me. You ... You let go of Julian for me. Brooke : Honey, I was doing what was best for you. And that was true then, and ... I think it's true now. You should go. You know you can always come back here. Sam : How come you're so good to me? Brooke : Because I love you, no matter what. Sam : Can I keep the dress? Brooke : Of course. Sam : It's just, uh... Victoria says I look like a Davis in that dress. Brooke : Honey, you'll always be a Davis to me. Sam : You'll always be my first mom. Brooke : Okay. AT THE GYMNASIUM Mouth : How about that Nathan Scott? Played a pretty great game tonight. The Scout : Honestly, I've never really seen him as a point guard. But I got to say, I was impressed. Kid's got a bright future. Mouth : With the Clippers? AT SKILLS'S APPARTMENT Junk : Hey, what happened? I thought you were ... Skills : Don't say it. You know that annoying kid from my peewee team? Junk : Yeah, the hoser kid? Skills : Yeah. Let's just say I got chucked. Fergie : Damn. Lauren : Hey, I just, uh, realized you forgot something. This! AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : I'm gonna miss you. Sam : I'll miss you, too. Brooke : You know, you always have a home here, no matter what. I love you, Sam. Sam : I love you, too. Victoria : Samantha. Sam : Bye. Victoria : Bye. Brooke : Okay. Bye. Are you crying? Victoria : No. It's this horrible mascara. It's just ... remind me to sue the manufacturer. Brooke : It's our mascara, Victoria. Victoria : What do we do now? Brooke : We have our work to focus on. Victoria : Of course. AT THE GYMNASIUM Nino : Hey, coach. Have you heard anything from The Scout? Bobby : Uh, no. No, not yet. But listen, you guys did all you could out there. And now we just wait for the phone to ring. 'cause all you talk about is to see yourself break out I've seen you this way before life's strange but true what are we waiting for? It's been long time, nothing new something survived here you've been working overtime how's it feel to lie? AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Victoria : It's going to be okay, honey. Brooke : I'm fine. We have our work to focus on now. Life's strange but true What are we waiting for? It's been a long time, nothing new for a while we were living it's the pace That'll kill you kill AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Lucas : You there's still one thing missing. Peyton : What's that? Lucas : Our wedding photo. Peyton : Really? We can get married right away? Lucas : Sure. Only if the doctor says it's okay. But it's not because of the baby or our situation or... well, any damn thing. I want you to be my wife... 'cause I love you. I love you with all my heart. Peyton : I love you, too. I'm here**
doc_135	72 HOURS EARLIER At the shopping center Summer: I'm not buying you lingerie for your birthday. That's just weird. Taylor: Okay, that's fine. I told you, you don't have to buy me anything. You and Ryan are throwing me a birthday party and that's enough. Summer: Look, I know you've never had a birthday party before, let alone been to one, but usually people get presents for their birthday, so will you please tell me what you want? Taylor: Okay, honestly, I want Ryan to ask me to go to Berkeley with him next year. Summer: Okay, I was thinking more along the lines of a cute top. Taylor: I know, I know, it's just, I'm a planner, and I've already seeing that day six months in the future when we all go our separate ways. And I just know that if Ryan goes to Berkeley and I go to... Harvard or Princeton or Oxford, then it's over. Summer: Don't you have to apply to Berkeley first in order to... You already applied to Berkeley? Does Ryan know this? Taylor: No.I applied before we even started dating. I just got back from France and I figured, well, I had to go somewhere, so I reapplied to Princeton, Oxford,Yale, Harvard and the Sorbonne, and I figured why not throw Berkeley in? Summer: Um, hi. Can we get two coffees, please? Man: Uh, yeah. Summer: Okay. So you want to get Ryan to tell you that he wants you to go to Berkeley, without knowing that you already got in to Berkeley? Taylor: Exactly. Summer: And how're you going to do that? Taylor: Easy.I just need to get him to tell me that he loves me. Summer: Mm-hmm, Ryan talking about his feelings. Now that would be an earth-shattering event. Man: Careful, they're hot. Summer: Thank you. Taylor: Thanks. Summer: Did you see this about earthquake weather? You know, it's exactly this kind of voodoo science that lets politicians deny global warming. Taylor: Oh, my God, I know. And how many times have they predicted the big one, and it never happens. It almost makes you wish that it would. Generic Cohen's garden Ryan: Good morning. What's the occasion? Taylor: Just you're being so sweet throwing me a birthday party, and I wanted to thank you, so... Oh, my gosh, did I ever tell you about... Ryan: How you've never had a birthday party and you've always spent every birthday alone in your room watching Sixteen Candles and talking to a gypsy on the psychic hot line? Taylor: Yeah, I know, I'm a broken record. Just, you know, it really means a lot to me that you're doing this for me. Ryan: Well, Taylor, I'll tell you, planning your birthday party is not easy. I expect something in return. Taylor: Oh. Ryan: I expect to have my way with you. Taylor: Ryan! Ryan: Well, all that time and energy. Clowns, balloons, a magician... Taylor: Oh, oh, well, if there's a magician. It's kind of strange to think about all of this ending isn't it? Ryan: Hmm? Taylor: You, going off to Berkeley, me, whichever way the wind blows. Ryan: Well, it's still six months away. Taylor: Right, yeah. If only I had a crystal ball, huh? Maybe I should call Esmerelda from the psychic hot line. Ryan: This a really good croissant. Taylor: Don't you have the feeling that we're on the cusp of something and we just need to leap into the void? Ryan: Did you get these at Joe's? Taylor: Ryan, don't you have that feeling? Ryan: What? Taylor: That life is telling us to take a wild, impulsive jump into the unknown? Ryan: Not really. Taylor: So, you're good? You don't have a need to just let something explode out of you, consequences be damned? Ryan: What are we talking about? Taylor: Well, I was... I guess it's just my birthday and I'm getting sentimental. Ryan: All right, well, don't worry. It's going to be great. Okay? All right, I've got to go. Thanks for this. Hey, tonight, you want to do something? See a movie? Taylor: Yeah, sure, okay. Ryan: All right, great. At Roberts' Kaitlin: Oh, my God. Julie: Oh, hi, honey. Sorry, I didn't hear you coming down. Kaitlin: Mom, do you mind? Because I still have to eat in here. Julie: What can I get you? Kaitlin: You want some scrambled eggs or I could whip up some pancakes. Frank: You cook, too? That's amazing. Julie: It's just a talent I have. Frank: Yeah, one of many. Kaitlin: I'm seriously never going to stop barfing. Julie: Kaitlin, don't be gross. Kaitlin: Me? Gross? What's gross is Frank's dirty... germy convict bag is sitting on the counter. I mean, what, did the warden give that to you as a going-away present? Julie: Kaitlin... Frank: It's okay. It's okay. It shouldn't be on the counter. Though I actually got it at REI. Kaitlin: Well, why bother with a bag? You can just move in. You spend enough time here anyway. Julie: Young lady, apologize. Kaitlin: I'm sorry, Frank. Feel free to have as many conjugal visits as you'd like. Frank: You know, I... I should get going. I've got a job interview. Julie: I'll walk you out. Frank: Okay. Julie: And we'll talk later. At the gym Holly: Mrs. Cohen? Holly. I went to Harbor with Seth. Kirsten: Oh, hi. Holly: Hi, are you here for prenatal yoga? Kirsten: Oh, yes, I am. And you? Holly: Yes. I just found out. How far along are you? Kirsten: Oh, not-not very. I just found out, too. Holly: Well, this class is great. I told Missy, the instructor, I have worked way too hard for this body to just let it turn into some dumpy baby factory. I mean, who says I can't have a baby and a six pack? Kirsten: I should probably stretch before class. Holly: Well, hold on just a second. Hey, hos, come here. This is Mrs. Cohen. She just found out she's pregnant. Girl: Oh, my gosh! Other girl: Congratulations. And you're not even showing. Holly: So... should we let her in? Girl: Oh, yeah. Other girl: Totally. She's ripped. Holly: We formed a club. Promised ourselves we wouldn't turn out like Molly the Mammoth over there. Girl: In nine months I'm wearing my bikini. I don't care what anyone says. Other girl: And I told Jerry if I get too big, I'm inducing at eight months. It's much easier to lose the weight. Holly: So do you want in? We call ourselves the Six-Pack Pack. Isn't that like so cute? Don't you just want to barf? Kirsten: All the time. At Ryan's workplace Ryan: Summer, what's up? Summer: Hey. I am just picking up Seth. Taking him to an art exhibition, sponsored by GEORGE, the Global Environmental Organization regarding Greenhouse Emissions. Ryan: Seth's going to an art show. Summer: Well, yeah, I mean, he's going to art school, and I like the environment,so I thought it was the perfect date. Ryan: Sure. Summer: So are you ready for Taylor's party? Ryan: Oh, yeah, party's all set. Even got her a present. Summer: Really. Mind telling me what it is? Ryan: Well, you know, she likes translating those French love poems? I collected a few. Had them bound for her. Summer: Atwood, that is so romantic. You know, nothing is as romantic as the first time you tell someone you love them,though, huh? Ryan: I, uh... haven't told Taylor I love her. Summer: You haven't? Ryan: Has she said something? Summer: No. No, I-I just assumed. You guys have been together for a while and you seem pretty happy. I thought,"Why wouldn't you have said I love you?" I have an idea. Why don't you? Ryan: What? Summer: For her birthday. You should, because... the book of poems is awesome, but add that special little "I love you. As as girl,I don't know, me personally, I got chills. Ryan: Does Taylor expect me to tell her that I love her on her birthday? Summer: What? No. I don't know. I've got to go. At the shopping center Kaitlin: I can't stay, okay? Frank: Well, thanks for meeting me. Kaitlin: I wanted to talk to you alone. You're not going to do anything pervy are you? Frank: Kaitlin... I care about your mom. And considering my past, I understand why you're suspicious. Kaitlin: Look, I really don't care that you went to prison, all right? I mean, the Bullet went to prison and he was awesome. You're just boring. Frank: I'm sorry, but it's just the way it is. Well, I have to say I don't think that's fair. You hardly know me. Kaitlin: Then say something funny. Frank: What? Kaitlin: Make me laugh. Frank: Fine. I don't know what interests a 15-year-old girl, but your mother doesn't think I'm boring. Kaitlin: Well, that's because you're sleeping with her. Frank: Can you not say that kind of thing? Kaitlin: Well, what do you want me to say? I mean, is it true in prison on your first day, you got to make someone your bitch? Or what about the whole dropping the soap thing? I mean, really,why don't you guys just install soap dispensers? Frank: Hey, I make your mom happy. I'm just asking for a chance here, Kaitlin. Kaitlin: Of course. If it makes my mom happy. At Roberts' Julie: Oh, my God. Oh... my God. Art's exposition Summer: It's so beautiful. Just forget how the ocean ties us all together. You know, he's so right. If we aren't good custodians for our planet, what right do we have to be here? Don't you think that was amazing? Seth: Mm-hmm. I give it a three. Summer: A three? He put a radio transmitter in a piece of trash, threw it into the ocean, followed it around for six years just to show how pollution travels. And you're giving it a three? Seth: I'm gonna give it a three-and-a-half, then. Summer: What about the part where he followed it through the oil fires in the Persian Gulf, and he got third-degree burns on his arms? Seth: I know, but the camera work was terrible, and what kind of film stock was he using? The oranges and reds totally bled together. Summer: He was just making a point to show the health of our planet. Seth: Yeah, but he's also making a movie,and as a movie, it sucks. Summer: Well, what about that one? Where the turtle adopted the hippo who was lost in the tsunami? Seth: Mm-hmm. That's pretty much the nature film equivalent of a chick flick. Summer: Okay. What about that? Where the family giraffes habitat was destroyed. Seth: Yeah, shot like a perfume ad. Summer: God, what is your problem,Seth? I just want you to get excited about something. Seth: I am, about things that are good. But I could do one of these doughnuts with both hands tied behind my back. Summer: Really?Prove it. Seth: What? Summer: Make a movie. Seth: Are you serious? Summer: Yeah. I want see you do it better. I want to go watch the penguins again, and don't you dare say anything. At Sandy's office Sandy: Hey, I didn't know you were coming by. I was just at Spitzy's office. You should have called. Is everything all right? Kirsten: The people in Newport are awful. Sandy: Honey, you're a little late to the party. I've been saying that for 20 years. Kirsten: Has it gotten worse? I mean, I know Julie and some of the othersare bad, but... Sandy: What happened? Kirsten: I was at this prenatal yoga class and these young women they're monsters. They wanted me to join the six-pack pack. Sandy: The what? Kirsten: And then they talk about inducing labor at eight months so that they don't have to gain weight. Can we raise another child around this? Sandy: Oh, honey, Newport's always had that element, and still we managed to have life. And not everybody's like that. You know what? Spitz has been wanting us to meet his wife. How about we do dinner tomorrow? Restore your faith in humanity. Kirsten: All right. Sandy: But more importantly, do you think they'll let me join the six-pack pack? I've been doing my sit-ups. Come on, hit me with your best shot. Go ahead, come on, wind up. I'm not a beast! At Cohen's Taylor: Oh, God, he really loves her. And she is never going to know how he feels, because he can't tell her. Isn't that tragic? Ryan: Yep. Taylor: I mean, how could you do that? How could you just let the love of your life slip away because you were too afraid to tell them how you really felt? Ryan: Well, maybe she's better off. Taylor: Uh-huh. Did you get that from the scene where she was about to be burned at the stake? Ryan: No, she's a beautiful woman, he's a hunchback who lives in a bell tower. The chances of it working out... Taylor: Yeah, but he doesn't know that. If he at least told her how he felt, then maybe there would be a way to work things out. You know, they could have a life together. Or you know, at least four more years. Why did you save me? Ryan: But the archbishop... Taylor: Ryan, I'm not talking about the movie. It's... There's just moments in everyone's life, and if you just let them slip away, then... then they're gone forever. And that's the tragic thing about life. Don't you feel that way? Ryan: Taylor.I...missed the last part of the movie Would you mind rewinding it a little? Taylor: Sure. Ryan: Thanks. Taylor: Lonely, huh? Better get used to it, buddy. At Roberts' Summer: Good morning. Taylor: If you say so. Summer: What's that? Taylor: This is the obituary for mine and Ryan's relationship. A rose, plucked before its time. Summer: Uh-huh, English? Taylor: I wrote a letter to the Dean of Berkeley, telling him that I must respectfully decline the scholarship, and he should offer it to the next candidate. Summer: So you're saying no? What happened with Ryan? Taylor: I tried, Summer, I really did. The moment was upon us. We were staring into each other's eyes,and... And he just didn't say it. You know, sometimes I just want to grab him and tie him to a chair and shoot him full of sodium pentathol and see what spills out. Summer: Why don't you? Taylor: You don't think it's too crazy? Because I was thinking if the two of us just tackled him and then we could tie him down... Summer: I wasn't talking literally. Taylor: Oh. Summer: Do you love him? Taylor: Yeah, I really do. Summer: Do you think he loves you? Taylor: Well, sometimes he grabs my handand he squeezes it for no reason. I mean, what else could that mean? Summer: Okay. So we just need to loosen his tongue a little. Taylor: But how are we going to... Summer Roberts, you bad thing. Summer: Okay, you know what, a trip to the Robert's wine cellar is in order. At Cohen's Sandy: What the hell is he doing? Ryan: Morning. Sandy: Morning. Hey, are y all right? Ryan: Yeah, it's just a cramp. Sandy: How far did you go? Ryan: Mm, nine, ten miles. Sandy: Oh. Wouldn't it be easier if you just said,"Sandy, there's something bothering me. Can you give me some advice?" Ryan: Yes, it would,but where's the fun in that? Sandy: Let me guess. You're trying to decide if you love Taylor so you can tell her on her birthday. Ryan: Huh? Sandy: You've been dating for a while, things are good, birthday's tomorrow. Bingo. Ryan: Yeah. You're good. Sandy: So? Do you love her? Ryan: Uh, honestly I'm scared. Sandy: Good, you should be. Ryan: That's reassuring. Sandy: Well, it might be the most powerful thing you can say to another person. It changes everything. Now for heaven's sake, if you don't feel it,don't say it. Ryan: Yeah, it's just I think she's expecting it. Sandy: And to not say it... It's like saying you don't love her. Ryan: Exactly. Sandy: Well, do you care about her? Ryan: Of course. Sandy: Do you enjoy being with her? Ryan: More than with anyone. Sandy: Tell her that. It won't be exactly what she wants to hear,but it'll be honest. Ryan: All right. Sandy: Can you tell me something? Ryan: Sure. Sandy: Do you have any idea why Seth is filming the pool? [SCENE_BREAK] Seh: Hey, check it out, man. Summer challenged me to make this pretentious art film, so I'm making one called Six Hours In The Pool. Ryan: Sounds great. Seth: Yeah, I'll tell you about it later. Uh, Taylor called. She wants you to go over there for dinner. Ryan: Oh, okay. Seth: Yeah. Okay. Ah, it's perfect. At Roberts' Julie: Look, Frank, I get that men have urges, and I imagine prison is one of those places where those urges get twisted, but... Frank: Julie... Julie: I've never even heard of clown p0rn. I mean that photo where they're all stuffed into the little car... Frank: It's not mine. Julie: Oh, really? It was just in your bag, along with... this? I mean, which one of us is supposed to wear this? Frank: Julie, none of this is mine. Julie: So someone just went into your bag, planted a wig and some really bad clown p0rn. Who would...? Oh... Kaitlin. Frank: Julie, it's all right. Julie: No, Frank, it's not. My daughter is trying to sabotage this relationship. And where would she get her hands on clown p0rn? Frank: She's just hazing me, you know? It'll be good for me to show her that I can take it. It'll blow over. It's not serious. Julie: Did you see p.50? At Cohen's Summer: How much more of this is there? Seth: Five hours and 58 minutes. What are you doing? Summer: I'm not going to sit here and watch six hours of the pool. I told you to become engaged in something. Instead, you just set up a tripod. Seth: It's a satire. It's a comment on the lack of artistic rigor... Summer: No, it's you being lazy. How many naps did you take while you made this? Seth: I took two to res... Do you feel like you're overreacting a little bit? I mean, what does it really matter? Summer: That's the problem, Seth. You did this because you chose the path of least resistance. You know, you could have made a movie about anything in your life, and instead you chose this. Seth: So what am I supposed to do? Follow Ryan around with a camera until he punches someone? Summer: Yes, anything that engages you in the world. Seth: What is the point? Summer: Well, if nothing else,it's important to me. Yatch club Sandy: Thanks. Mr. Spitz. Jason: How are you? Kirsten, how's it going? Kirsten: Hello, Jason. Jason: Listen, you guys, I want you to meet my wife, com. Carrie: No way, really? Well, then what did she say? Jason: Honey, honey. Carrie: Oh, my God. What a complete ho-bag. Jason: Honey. Carrie: I got to go. Call me back. Love you, bitch. Hi. I am so sorry. Jason: Kirsten and Sandy Cohen, this is Carrie, my wife. Carrie: So nice to meet you. Sandy: You, too. Carrie: That was my girlfriend. She's having trouble dating this guy, and the guy's wife is all like, uh, "I'll kill you." Sandy: Wow, I imagine that could be a little hard to handle. Carrie: Oh, whatever. Not my problem. Kirsten: So, Carrie, you're from Newport? Carrie: Oh, yeah, born and bred. Kirsten: Really. Interesting. Carrie: Oh, now, Sandy, let's get to it. How can we convince Jason here to get out of that soup kitchen he calls an office and get a real job? At Roberts' Ryan: Oh, thanks, that's good. Taylor: For luck. Ryan: Uh, actually, I'm not that big a wine drinker. Taylor: I know, you can't have coq au vin without the vin. Ryan: Well, that's true. Taylor: Okay. Ryan: You know, I feel kind of bad, you making dinner the day before your birthday. Taylor: No, it's my pleasure. Absolutely. Oh, sorry. Ryan: It's okay. Taylor: I'm nervous 'cause I've never cooked for you before. Okay, cheers. Ryan: Oh, yeah. Taylor: Whoo, bottoms up. Mmm. Tasty. Ryan: So, uh...Oh, that's... So, Taylor, there's something I want to talk to you about. Taylor: No, let's save all the serious conversation for after dinner. We don't want it to get cold. Ryan: Okay. Taylor: Hmm, I think I need another sip. Wow, do you detect a hint of blackberries? Ryan: Mm, no, I don't. Taylor: Try it. It's fun, come on. Ryan: Uh... Okay. Mm. Nope, no blackberries. Taylor: I think you need to take a bigger sip. Yatch club Sandy: You still go to your sorority rush? Carroie: Sandy, sisterhood doesn't just end with graduation. A Tri-Delt once, a Tri-Delt forever. Oh, but last year,I got so sick. Totally embarrassing. Kirsten: I can only imagine. Carrie: And I thought,"Carrie, what gives?" Can't you hold your liquor anymore? Ugh! And then I realized it was just morning sickness. Was that a relief. Sandy: You know, I'm afraid it's getting a little late for us. Carrie: Oh, no, no,no, no. You are not running away. This great bar just opened up on Ocean. When was the last time you two did tequila poppers? Sandy: Maybe another time. Carrie: Oh, tell me you're not bailing because you're pregnant. I mean, no offense, but that is lame. Jason: Carrie, no. Carrie: What?It's lame. Kirsten: Actually, I'm an alcoholic. Carrie: Oh, God. Me, too. Hey, after you have that thing, we should totally go out. You know, without the two dish rags. Oh, God! Can you just take that thing outside? Oh, don't freak. I'm not a psycho.It's our baby. Jason: When we go out with the baby, Carrie likes to have the nurse sit nearby,a few tables away. Kirsten: Oh, you know,Sandy, I'm-I'm, uh, suddenly... I'm, I'm not feeling well. Sandy: I'd better get you home. Thank you both for an unforgettable evening. Jason, I'll talk to you Monday. Jason: Yeah. Well,good night,and... Carrie: Hey, Kirsten,uh, remember,you can call me for baby advice anytime. Kirsten: Sure. Carrie: Losers. [SCENE_BREAK] At Roberts' Taylor: I don't understand how you're not drunk. Ryan: Oh, it's the Atwood genes. We're built to withstand massive quantities of alcohol. Taylor: Ooh. Here we go. Here's the bed. Okay, all right. Now we're just gonna... Whoa. That's good. Taylor: But if I can't get you drunk, you'll never tell me you love me. Ryan: Oh, Taylor. Taylor: I know, I know. Bad Taylor. I shouldn't have tried to get you drunk. Just like I shouldn't have pretended to be your sleep therapist, or rented Roger the homosexual, or stalked you wearing a Groundhog costume, or... What else did I do? Ryan: I-I think that's it. Taylor: I'm going to go to sleep now. Oh. Good-bye, Ryan. It was nice. Ryan: Taylor. Taylor? Are you pretending to go to sleep, thinking I'll tell you I love you while you're unconscious? Taylor: Maybe. Don't laugh at me. Ryan: I'm not. Taylor: It's hard dating someone who doesn't tell you how they feel and always having to interpret hand squeezes and... Ryan: I love you. Taylor: What? Ryan: I love you. Taylor: You do? Ryan: Uh, yeah. Taylor: I can't believe you just said it. Ryan: Neither can I. Taylor: Oh, I love you, too. Ryan: Oh, good. Taylor: Yay!Yay! Now we can go to Berkeley together. Ryan: What? Taylor: Yeah.Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got into Berkeley. I applied, and I got this letter, and put it on my desk and... At Cohen's Seth: Ryan Atwood. His face betrays no emotion, but what passions lurk behind those eyes? Answering that is the purpose of this film. Come with me, my friends. Ryan: I thought the movie was about the pool. Seth: Summer didn't really take to six hours of the pool. She wanted me to make a movie in which I engage with people. What is Ryan Atwood wrapping so intently? Taylor's birthday present. Ah, Taylor Townsend, the fast-talking Eve Harrington who melted Ryan Atwood's heart. Tell us, Ryan,how does it feel to have Dean Hess's sloppy seconds? Or what did you get her? Either one. Ryan: Um... well, uh, one of her hobbies is translating French love poems, so I had them bound for her. Seth: Wow. That is really romantic. Ryan: Well, it's, it's not that romantic. Seth: Are you kidding? You may as well tell her you love her. Ryan: It's, uh, it's actually a little late for that. Seth: What? Ryan: Yeah. At Roberts' Summer: And then what happened? Taylor: Well, we finished dinner and he still wasn't drunk, so I suggested a drinking game. I called it "Drink." Whenever I said "drink," we drank. Summer: Simple but effective. Taylor: Yeah, a little too effective. I ended up on the coffee table singing "Part of Your World" and telling him he was my Prince Eric. Summer: Uh, did he say it? Taylor: Yes. Summer: He did?! Taylor: Yeah! Summer: Oh, my God, that's amazing. Ow. Ryan told you he loved you. Taylor: I know. I mean, I think he said it. At Cohen's Ryan: Yeah, this feeling just kind of came over me and... I couldn't stop myself. Seth: So why the long face? You regretting it? Ryan: Well... it turns out she applied to Berkeley without telling me, and now... Seth: Your spur-of-the-moment "I love you" issuddenly committing you to four more years. The plot thickens. Ryan: I'm not saying it'd be bad. It just seems like all of a sudden we're going mach five. Seth: You'd like to turn down the heat a little. At Roberts' Taylor: He definitely said it. Summer: Absolutely. Taylor: I think. Summer: Well, don't you think you'd remember? Taylor: I don't know; it hurts. Summer, what am I going to do? I can't just ask him, by the way, did you tell me you loved me last night? Because I was too plastered to remember. Summer: Right. Okay. Today's your birthday right? And I happen to know that he got you a crazy, romantic present. So when you open it tonight, why don't you just be like "Oh, my gosh, Ryan, I love you," and if he said it last night, he'll say it again. Taylor: You're a genius. Summer: Yes, I am; it's all up here. It's just there might be one other tiny little thing. At Cohen's Seth: I'm not saying take it back, but today's her birthday, right? So she's going to be interpreting every little thing. So maybe you send her a message. For instance, that sends the message "You're the only girl in the world for me. Let's move to a co-op in Berkeley." Is that what you want to say? We go off Ryan Atwood. What will he do? How will this situation resolve itself? At Roberts' Summer: You said something about Berkeley? Taylor: I'm not sure. Maybe I was just talking about him going to Berkeley. That would make sense, right? Julie: Morning, girls. Happy birthday, Taylor. Taylor: Thanks, Julie. Julie: Oh, I gave the mailman that letter from the counter. Taylor: What letter? The letter to Berkeley? Julie: Yeah, I think so. Taylor: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: Uh-uh! Mister! Mail carrier, sir. Excuse me, please. Um, could you wait? Hi. I'm sorry. Um, a woman in that house where I live just gave you a letter that she shouldn't have,and, uh, I kind of need it back. Man: Ma'am, once the letter goes in the pouch, it's the property of the Federal government. Taylor: Okay, and I totally understand that, but if you take that letter, I am going to lose my place at Berkeley and the chance to be with the man I love and who I think loves me, and, and 15 years from now, when he is trapped in a loveless marriage and I have become a cold, hard ice queen for whom love is no more than a distant memory, it will come down to the fact that on this morning, which coincidentally happens to be my birthday, you obeyed the letter of the law at the expense of simple, human charity. Man: Wow, that was amazing. Taylor: Can I have my letter now? Man: Yeah, sure. At Cohen's Frank: Hey. Ryan: I didn't know you were a runner. Frank: Yeah,it helps me to work stuff out You should try it. Ryan: Maybe I will. Everything okay? Frank: Yeah. No, I was just,uh, nearby. I figured I'd stop in and say hello, ask your advice on winning over a 15-year-old Newport girl. Ryan: Kaitlin giving you trouble? Frank: Well, things with Julie are great, and I-I'm so grateful to you and Taylor,but Caitlin, she just... I don't know,she just seems to want to shut me out. And I know that you have some experience with the Cooper women, so... Ryan: Well, a Porsche would probably do the trick. Frank: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's not really in my budget. Ryan: Well, Kaitlin's had a tough year. You know. Once she sees that her mom's happy, she'll come around. Just be patient. Frank: Ah... suddenly a Porsche sounds like a bargain. Ryan: Right. Uh, look,I, I got to get going, help set up Taylor's party. Frank: Oh, sure. Is that, is that her present? Ryan: Oh, yeah, it's, uh... she translated these French love poems so I had them bound in leatherfor her. Frank: Oh, my son the romantic. Ryan: Yeah. Frank: So I'll, uh, see you tonight. Ryan: Yeah. It's not that romantic. At the shopping center Summer: Taylor, it's going to be fine. Ryan's going to give you a really romantic present, tell you he loves you, and you guys are going to wind up going to Berkeley together. Don't worry. Taylor: Okay, yeah, I know. Do you think I should act surprised when I go to the party? Summer: But it's not a surprise party. Taylor: Well, I know, but it might make Ryan feel good. Summer: Okay, it's a great idea. Taylor: Ah! [SCENE_BREAK] Everyone: Happy birthday! Happy birthday.Happy birthday. Taylor: Oh, my God, what a surprise. Sandy: Oh, I didn't know it was a surprise party. Summer: Just go with it, okay? It's Taylor. Ryan: Happy birthday. Taylor: This is a-amazing. Ryan: Yeah, well, you deserve it. You got a lot of birthdays to catch up on. Taylor: Is everything okay? Ryan: Yeah, absolutely. Let me get you a drink. Taylor: Okay. Julie: Happy birthday. Taylor: Thank you. Kaitlin: Happy birthday. [SCENE_BREAK] Sandy: We can move. I mean it. Ryan and Seth will be gone in six months. We could put the house on the market, throw a dart at the map. Maybe it's time. Kirsten: But this is our home. Sandy: So? We'll make some place new our home. You know? We'll still have our memories. Kirsten: But when Ryan and Seth come home for the holidays, I want them to come home to that house. Sandy: It was an idea. Kirsten: Well, thanks, Sandy. I just don't think I can. [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: Oh, my God. It's a replica of the green destiny sword from Crouching Tiger. Oh, my God, thank you so much Seth. Seth: Glad you like it. Taylor: It's so neat. Summer: Open Ryan's present. Taylor: Okay. Where is it? Ryan: Oh, no, no, no. It's okay. Kirsten: Ryan's embarrassed. Ryan: No, it's just, it's um, personal. Sandy: Well, I hope so. Taylor: Oh, my God. It's a... It's a dictionary? Kirsten: That is practical. Ryan: Yeah, the guy said that it, um, had more words than others. Sandy: Well, that's good, being as it is a dictionary. Seth: It's red-- that's a cool color. [SCENE_BREAK] Summer: I still love him, you know? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this. Kirsten: No, I understand. I worry about him a lot. Summer: You know, I know making this movie just seems so stupid, but I just wanted him to get excited about something, you know? Anything. Kirsten: Just give him a chance. Seth will find his way. Summer: I hope so. He just seems a little lost. [SCENE_BREAK] Kaitlin: Those are mine. Julie: What do you think you're doing? Kaitlin: What? The guy likes clown p0rn. I think everyone should know. Julie: Do you have any idea how humiliated Frank would be if he saw, or if Ryan saw it? It's his father, Kaitlin. Kaitlin: Whatever. Julie: Do not walk away from me. I've tried to be understanding. I'm sorry if Frank isn't as hilarious as Bullit was. Kaitlin: It's not even about that. Julie: Then what is it? Is it the money? Kaitlin: Mom, look at us. In the past year we've lost Dad, we've lost Marissa, we had Dr. Roberts and we lost him. And then we got the Bullit, lost him. What makes you think that this guy is going to stick around any longer? Julie: Kaitlin, am I crazy, or did you say that it was okay for me to date Frank? Kaitlin: Yes, to date him. But it's been a week and he's practically living in our house. Like he's family. He is not family You and I are. I mean, why can't we just act like that for a little while? Frank: Hey. They're about to bring out the cake. Everything okay? Julie: Yes, everything's fine. Kaitlin, why don't you go back inside. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Taylor. Taylor, I'm sorry. Taylor: I'm not crazy, right? Last night, you did tell me you loved me. Ryan: Yeah, I did. Taylor: Okay, then what? Are you trying to send me a message? Do you wish you hadn't said it? Ryan: No. Last night when I told you... You mentioned going to Berkeley. Taylor: God, I knew it. Ryan, yes, I applied to Berkeley months ago. Before you and I ever started dating. Ryan: Oh. Taylor: And then, this, you and I happened, and I thought, I don't know, maybe. And I guess I should have told you, but I really needed to know exactly how you felt first. Ryan: I just think our planning to go to college together, it's a big decision. Taylor: Would you have said you loved me if you'd known I'd gotten in to Berkeley? Great. Wow, okay. I'm just going to go. Ryan: Taylor. [SCENE_BREAK] Summer: She's coming. Come on. This is where you blow out the candles and make a wish. Taylor: I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Sandy: Don't worry. Kirsten and I will square up things here. Ryan: All right, great. Thanks. And I gave Seth the car to help carry the presents. Sandy: So where you going now? Ryan: Uh, I don't know. I'll see you later. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Hey. You okay? Kaitlin: Yeah. Sure. But by the looks of it, you and I aren't going to be brother and sister any time soon. Ryan: Oh, no. What happened? Kaitlin: Honestly? It was me. I mean, look, Ryan, I have absolutely nothing against your dad. It's just I really didn't want to rush into an insta-family again. I mean, how long would this one last? Like a month? Ryan: Well, you never know. I, uh, moved in with the Cohens and I gave it a week. Here I am. Kaitlin: I just wish there was a way you could tell if it was all going to work out. Ryan: Yeah, but there isn't. But I promise you, I will always be your brother, in a completely, non-creepy way. Julie: Kaitlin, honey, could I talk to you? Kaitlin: Yeah. Wait, Ryan, as your sister, if you don't tell Taylor that you love her, you're an idiot. Ryan: Oh. Julie: She's right. At Cohen's Summer: Oh, no. Seth, I'm so sorry you had to overhear that. Seth: No, it's all right. I mean it's true. Summer: What I was going to say is, I think what you made is really good. Seth: Yeah, there's no coherent theme. Most of the shots are too wide and the Dogma thing has been done to death. But you know, I get that you wanted me to find something that I'm passionate about, the way you're passionate about the environment. Summer: But you love movies. Seth: I do. I love going to them and then telling people what's wrong with them. Summer: What is it? Seth: I could be a critic. Summer: You mean spending your whole life watching movies and telling people how terrible they are? Seth: Yeah, that sounds awesome. Summer: I just want you to find something that you really care about. Seth: You want to go rent An Inconvenient Truth? Summer: Yes, I love that movie. Seth: I just want to count the number of gratuitously soulful shots of Al Gore staring out an airplane window. Summer: Do not insult Al Gore. Jettey Kaitlin: So what did you tell Frank? Julie: I told him we needed to slow it down. Kaitlin: Mom, if you really like him... Julie: I do. And he's not going away. But I told him that right now I need to be spending some time with my daughter. Kaitlin: Does that include buying me ice cream? Julie: Absolutely. At Roberts' Taylor: The hermit? My soul card's the hermit? Are you kidding me? Okay, Esmerelda, I'd better go. I guess I'll call you next year. Come in. Ryan: Hey, I hope I'm not interrupting. Taylor: No. Ryan: I got you something. Taylor: Okay... Wait, these are all poems that I've translated. Ryan: I collected them, recopied them, had them bound. Taylor: Ryan, this is amazing. Are you sure this is from you? Ryan: Taylor, I'm sorry. I freaked out. What I said last night, I meant. Taylor: Really? Ryan: I love you. And I don't want to lose you. So let's put it all on the table. Berkeley, Paris, Oxford, anything. Taylor: I don't know what to say. Ryan: That's a first. Jettey Kaitlin: Oh, my God, Mom. Julie: It's okay, it's just... It's an earthquake. Get in here. Kaitlin: Mom! Julie and Kaitlin take refuge in the ice-cream's store while Ryan and Taylor are at Roberts'. Seth and Summer are in the car while Sandy comes to the aid of Kirsten who felt at the mall. The earthquake is a rare intensity. End of the episode.
doc_136	(Open: Booth's apartment. There is a rapid knocking at the door. Booth is asleep in bed) BOOTH: Yeah. Aww (he groans as he awakes and stumbles out of bed). (knocking continues) BRENNAN: Booth? BOOTH: Yeah. Unhh. (He cracks his toes, then gets out of bed, pulling on his robe, still making groaning noises. He cracks his back as he heads into the bathroom. Still sighing and pulling on his robe, he looks at himself, bleary-eyed, in the mirror. He continues walking, cracking his neck, and his back again, then his fingers). Oof. (more knocking) BRENNAN: Booth? Are you there? (Booth is still walking towards his front door) BOOTH: No, I'm in South Beach, working on my tan (he opens the door, still grunting and groaning. Brennan is standing there, enthusiastic and eager to get going). BRENNAN: You need Sweets to sign your post-Afghanistan fitness for duty report. Did you forget? BOOTH: Me? (He turns to go back into the apartment) BRENNAN: Well, generally, you wear more clothing, and you've been avoiding this for weeks (she shuts the front door). BOOTH: Well, I couldn't sleep. Hannah got up at the crack of dawn (he continues walking, cracking more joints as he goes). Ooh. BRENNAN: Do you always have this pronounced a release of gas in the morning? BOOTH: (turns to face Brennan) Is it that bad? BRENNAN: Synovial gas, that's what the cracking is. BOOTH: Synovial gas, what's that mean? BRENNAN: well, there comes a point when your body can't hide all the abuse it's taken. BOOTH: What do you, what do you mean a certain point? BRENNAN: Booth, you've been shot, and beaten, and jumped out of airplanes. The skeletal damage alone... BOOTH (groans and turns): Oh God, I'm falling apart. BRENNAN: You're fine. It's your skeleton that's falling apart. (Cut to: FBI building, Booth and Brennan are rounding a corner). BRENNAN: The compression fracture to your T3 alone should have incapacitated you years ago, then there's the fracture to your sternum from when that obese girl shot you, fractures from your metatarsals from when you were tortured, rib pitting from when you foolishly tried to act as a human shield... BOOTH: Rib pitting? BRENNAN: And that's before we even get to your compromised ligaments, both intertransverse and anterior longitudinal. BOOTH: How do you have room in your brain to remember all this? BRENNAN: I care about you, Booth, and the more abuse a body takes, the sooner it degenerates. BOOTH: That's it? That's all you've got for me? (they enter the elevator) BRENNAN: Well, it can be a good thing. In tribes, men like you are elders. They don't have to hunt anymore. BOOTH: Well, I want to go hunting. BRENNAN: (reaching forward to press the button) Well, perhaps you'll feel better after you get your form signed. (Cut to: Sweets' office, sounds of giggling are heard. Booth and Brennan have stunned looks on their faces as they behold two pairs of feet hanging off the edge of the couch) DAISY: Oh I will! (giggling) BRENNAN: Oh! SWEETS: Agent Booth! DAISY: (pops up over the back of the couch, arms clutched to her chest for modesty's sake) Dr. Brennan! BRENNAN: You should be at work, Ms. Wick! It is a very important day. BOOTH: (hands form to Sweets) Can you sign this? SWEETS: Are you serious? BOOTH: Sign. (He hands Sweets a pen and the form) Just sign and get back to your fun. (Sweets signs the paper) (Cut to: Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. Brennan is walking, and Daisy is tagging behind her, trying to catch up) DAISY: Dr. Brennan, about this morning. BRENNAN: What about it? DAISY: I don't want you to think that Lance and I are dating again, because we're not. That was purely accidental intercourse. BRENNAN: You had intercourse accidentally? What were you trying to do, Ms. Wick? DAISY: I was returning a book. BRENNAN: And your pants fell off? (Workers are bringing in large artifacts on rolling tables, Cam and Angela are supervising) CAM: All of the pieces of ship without remains attached, straight to the early American workroom. Door on your right. WORKER: Where do you want this? CAM: Take it up on the platform. WORKER: Got it. (Brennan and Daisy approach and come to a stop beside Cam) CAM: Okay. (turns to Brennan) How much of this is there? BRENNAN: I have no idea. CAM: So, when you said old remains, the ship part of it just slipped your mind? BRENNAN: No, of course not. ANGELA: This is incredible. I can't believe this is an actual slave ship. Where did they find it? BRENNAN: Off the coast of Maryland. This could shed enormous light on the slave trade. CAM: Or give me nightmares. One or the other. (Hodgins enters with more parts of the ship) HODGINS: Mytilus edulis, blue mussels. Wow. Hey, they said this was for you (he hands Angela a sheaf of papers). BRENNAN: The Jeffersonian Board of Directors wants us to try and identify the remains. CAM: How? These people have been dead for nearly 150 years. ANGELA: Yeah, well this might help. It's a copy of the outgoing manifest, and it lists all the slaves they were transporting to New Orleans. There's age, and race, and degree of color. This is really detailed, in a totally horrible, disgusting, sucky kind of way. HODGINS: Slaves were considered property. They were as carefully catalogued as livestock or silverware. (Brennan grimaces and shakes her head slightly, Cam looks uneasy and tilts her head down, avoiding eye contact. Angela looks disturbed, glances at Cam and Brennan, then makes eye contact with Hodgins, who turns his gaze to the remains). (Cut to: Platform, Brennan is leaning over a set of remains, Angela is standing next to her, taking notes) BRENNAN: Male child, under ten years old. One hundred and thirty centimeters. The marine mussels compromised the bone, but the skull shows a mix of Negroid and Caucasoid characteristics, suggesting that he would be listed as mulatto. ANGELA: Got it, Pollodore Nelson. DAISY: Symphyseal rim well defined, partial ectocranial suture closure, female, forties, five feet tall. ANGELA: Ok, there's only one woman that small. (Cam is looking down at something) CAM: Over here, now. Uh, not kidding, even a little bit. Dr. Hodgins. (Daisy, Brennan and Anglea make their way over to Cam's table) HODGINS (rushes over to where Cam is): Yeah. Yeah. CAM: That. What the hell is it? HODGINS (bending down for a closer look): Wow, it's some kind of organism anchored to the bone. Interesting. CAM: Alien sea-life hitchhikes in on a slave ship and that's all you can say? Interesting? BRENNAN: Well, I think in this context, interesting is a way of acknowledging life forms beyond Dr. Hodgins' expertise. HODGINS: Temporary condition, I assure you. All right, listen up! Pull any other bones with pink slime and bring them over here. It's possible that alien is an appropriate adjective. We may be looking at NTI here. (Another squint brings over more remains and hands them to Daisy, who places them on the table) CAM: What's he talking about? BRENNAN: I have no idea. HODGINS: NTI? As in, non-terrestrial intelligence? ANGELA: Oh no. HODGINS: If alien life forms were going to exist somewhere on Earth, the ocean floor would be it. CAM: Please tell me you're kidding. BRENNAN: Judging by weight and texture, all the affected bones appear to belong to the same skeleton. (Brennan picks up the skull and observes it as the others look on). Something is very wrong. (Cut to: FBI building meeting room) BOOTH: C'mon Bones, I really gotta look at these images? BRENNAN: Yes. (She pulls up images of the x-rays) Penetrating trauma to the cribriform plate and palatine bones. BOOTH: Ok, you mean that jaggedy looking hole there? BRENNAN: Yes. The puncture would have extended upwards, into the anterior base of the brain, resulting in immediate death. This man was hooked through the mouth like a fish. (She demonstrates on Booth, by hooking her finger up against the roof of his mouth. He does not appreciate this and grabs her hand, removing it and making a face of displeasure). BOOTH: Ok, got it, thank you. Very much. I just don't know how I can help you with a murdered slave though. BRENNAN: They may have found him in a slave ship, but given the condition of his cartilage, this man died less than a month ago. And, this is murder. (Opening credits) (Cut to: Platform at the Medico-Legal Lab. Daisy is working on a skeleton, Brennan joins her) BRENNAN: Abrasions to the pisiform. It's likely this person was wearing manacles. Why are you working on remains from the slave ship when you know our recent murder victim has priority? DAISY: Because Dr. Hodgins is still trying to remove the unidentified deep sea life forms. Maybe we should discuss the murder victim's x-rays instead? (They go over to a computer, where Daisy pulls up the images) BRENNAN: Incomplete epiphyseal fusion - he was at most twenty years old. DAISY: Chipping on the zygomatic arch. Hairline fractures to the mental foramen. All heavily remodeled. Metaphyseal fractures to the left tibia and right ulna. Never properly set. BRENNAN: I've seen these before. They happen when someone has their extremities wrenched over and over again at a very young age. DAISY: Suggestive of child abuse? BRENNAN (nods slightly): We have to identify him. What is taking Dr. Hodgins so long? (Cut to Hodgins' lab area. He is peering through a magnifying lens, Angela is standing next to him.) HODGINS: We are looking at what could be a clue to the origin of life itself. ANGELA: The origin of life looks like a pink Chia pet? HODGINS: According to one theory, billions of years ago, organic molecules hitchhiked to Earth on comets that plummeted into our oceans, forming the seeds of life as we know it. ANGELA: Ok, now you've lost me. HODGINS: Look at this. Organism operates like hair follicles. Anchors its root system to the bone. ANGELA: You know, it's actually kind of attractive up close. HODGINS: Yeah, for a mucus-excreting underwater insect. ANGELA: (laughs) Well, let me scan the skull and then I can build a facial reconstruction from it. HODGINS (placing the skull on the dais for Angela to scan): Do you realize these guys could be harder to identify than a decomposed murder victim? ANGELA: How can you compare a murder victim to ocean snot that looks like something Barbie wore to the prom? HODGINS: You compared it to a Chia pet. ANGELA: Yeah well, it's not the same thing. HODGINS: You're right. Because if these guys are new, and I get to identify them, then I get to name an entire species. Angelonicus montenegris. ANGELA: Really? HODGINS: Really. (Hodgins rises, Angela chuckles, and they embrace). (Cut to: Booth's office. Sweets and Booth are having a conversation. Sweets is pacing Booth's office, Booth is sitting at his desk). SWEETS: So the dead guy got caught in a fishing net and the fishing net got caught in the slave ship? BOOTH: Yeah, the net gets lost, floats around for years - they call it a ghost net. SWEETS: Wow. Ghost net caught a ghost. That's... BOOTH: Something like that. SWEETS: That's ironic. BOOTH: 'Kay, why are you still here? SWEETS: I'm weak. I'm weak, Agent Booth. I broke up with Daisy, but I can't keep my hands off her. BOOTH: What's new? Alright, you're a guy. Life goes on. SWEETS: Yeah, that's the problem. We broke up. But it just goes on. It's, it's like she's a magnet. Should I just let it happen? (Booth reaches for something and plonks it down in front of Sweets - it is a magic 8-ball) BOOTH: Here. Pick it up. SWEETS: (picks up the magic 8-ball, shakes - the ball comes up reading "yes definitely") Yes, definitely. You think? BOOTH: I don't know, how am I supposed to know? SWEETS: Years of experience? The perspective of age? BOOTH: (groans, puts his head on his arms on his desk) Age. How is it that I went to sleep Han Solo and I woke up Obi-Wan Kenobi? SWEETS: I have no idea what you're talking about. (Booth's computer beeps) BOOTH: Oh. Looks like Angela finished the victim's facial reconstruction. (He opens the attachment) Oh! There is our ghost. (Cut to: Booth's SUV. Booth and Brennan are driving to interview a suspect. Brennan is looking through some papers) BOOTH: He wasn't on the missing person's database, but I got a hit from the FBI's facial reconstruction software. BRENNAN: Mike Casper. BOOTH: Yeah, his wife lives in uh, Calvert County. BRENNAN: He's married? BOOTH: Yeah, he's got a kid, and a dog, and a cushy aerospace job. BRENNAN: No, that's not possible. He's nineteen, twenty, twenty-one at most. BOOTH: Alright Bones, he's twenty-eight. BRENNAN: No, there's no way. Booth, you really need to double-check these things. BOOTH: Ok, look, the battle scars are to the body, not to the brain, ok? BRENNAN: You're being very touchy. BOOTH: I'm not being touchy. This is Casper's driver's license, it's the same face Angela drew, right there (he points emphatically to the paper Brennan is holding, which is of Mike Casper's DMV registration information). BRENNAN: Okay. It's possible he had cerebral palsy. That could retard bone development. BOOTH: Or, you're just wrong. (Cut to: Front door of an apartment. Booth and Brennan are still arguing) BRENNAN: I'm not wrong. (Booth rings the doorbell) BOOTH: You're wrong. BRENNAN: Not wrong. (Door opens) MRS. CASPER: Yes? BOOTH: Mrs. Casper? MRS. CASPER: Yes? BOOTH: (he pulls out his badge) Special Agent Booth, this here's my partner, Dr. Brennan. MRS. CASPER: How can I help you? BOOTH: Mind if we come in? MRS. CASPER: Um, I'm actually in the middle of something right now (she flips her hair). BOOTH: It's about your husband. BRENNAN: We believe we've found his remains off the coast of Maryland. BOOTH: Any reason to believe that he might have been on a boat recently? MRS. CASPER: Ask him yourself. (she turns to call her husband) Mike? (Mike comes to the front door) MIKE CASPER: Yeah? (Cut to: FBI interview room, Booth and Sweets are interviewing Mr. and Mrs. Casper. Booth lays down the DMV sheet in front of them.) BOOTH: Victim got a driver's license with your name and his picture, used it to charge up a fortune in credit card debt. MIKE CASPER: Yeah, I get it. The guy who got killed is the same guy who stole my ID, but it's got nothing to do with me. Not exactly a violent guy. MRS. CASPER: Mike's very easy-going. (She flips her hair again in a nervous gesture) SWEETS: This is a conversation between you and your credit card company, Mr. Casper. You know how you say they record calls for quality control? Well, turns out it's true. (He presses a button on the laptop to begin playing the recording) CUSTOMER SERVICE REP: I'm sorry sir, but because you failed to notify us within the time... MIKE CASPER: How could I tell you when I didn't know? CUSTOMER SERVICE REP: You should have contacted the credit reporting agencies. In the future, if you place a fraud alert on your credit... MIKE CASPER: You wanna know what I'm going to do in the future? I'm gonna find the scum who stole my ID and I'm gonna kill him. (end recording) MIKE CASPER: What did you expect me to say? They froze my cards, our credit was ruined. That piece of dirt cost us the house we were trying to buy. MRS. CASPER: If we need to have a lawyer... MIKE CASPER: No, we don't need a lawyer, Claire, we haven't done anything. MRS. CASPER: My husband's telling the truth, he's not a violent man. BOOTH: Eh, Sweets, tell 'em what you told me. SWEETS: According to the latest clinical data, identity theft can cause serious maladaptive psychological and somatic symptoms. MIKE CASPER: Yeah, no kidding, I haven't slept in two months. SWEETS: Those symptoms aren't limited to insomnia. MIKE CASPER: (agitated, banging on the table) The hell is that supposed to mean? SWEETS: Okay, that would be one of the maladaptive psychological symptoms. Uncontrolled rage. MIKE CASPER: How could I kill him when I didn't even know who he was? BOOTH: I noticed that you have a boat hitch on the back of your car - you got a boat? MIKE CASPER: Yeah, I fish, so what? BOOTH: You have any big hooks on that boat? MIKE CASPER: Why? BOOTH: Well, body was found about a mile off the coast - I'm thinking maybe you're doing more than just fishing on that boat? MIKE CASPER: All right, I want that lawyer. Now. (Cut to: Jeffersonian - Hodgins' lab. Daisy is standing watch over the victim's remains) DAISY: Dr. Brennan really needs these. I don't understand why you can't just pluck. (Hodgins appears from behind the shelves with a large device in hand) HODGINS: If I pluck them off one by one, it's going to take a week, Ms. Wick, so what you need to do is stop telling me how to do my job. (Hodgins bends over the remains with the device, which turns out to be a light) DAISY: I don't see how this is going to hurry things up. HODGINS: If I figure out what they are, I can figure out how to get them off. Any more questions? (He bends down, peering at the bones) DAISY: Not at this moment. HODGINS: Aha! Yes! It's a type of benthic worm! See? Progress! (Cam enters) CAM: Okay, the only way I can get DNA to ID our ID thief, is by using bone marrow, but your alien organism has sucked it dry. HODGINS: Ok, contrary to popular rumor, it is not my alien organism. Not yet, anyway. But, I have narrowed it down to a type of benthic worm. CAM: How can you not be able to ID a fluffy pink worm? How many of those could there possibly be? HODGINS: Oh, you'd be surprised. (Cut to: Royal Diner, Booth and Brennan are eating and discussing the case) BOOTH: How'm I supposed to figure out who killed him when I can't even figure out who he is. BRENNAN: All I can tell from the x-rays is he had multiple fractures that were never properly set. He also sustained repeated facial trauma between the ages of two and fourteen. BOOTH: So, child abuse? (Brennan nods in affirmation) BOOTH: He wasn't on a missing person's database, so means no-one was missing. BRENNAN: You have a very strange tendency to state the obvious. BOOTH: If you were a kid who got the crap beat out of him over and over again, what would you do? BRENNAN: You'd think about running away, or you do run away. But he wasn't a kid anymore, Booth, he was nineteen or twenty when he died. BOOTH: Doesn't mean he didn't run away before. And when a kid runs away, someone reports him missing. A school, a neighbor, someone. BRENNAN: We were looking at the wrong database. (Cut to: Angela's office, Brennan and Angela are talking. The image of the victim is blown up on the computer screen) BRENNAN: We need to reverse the cranio-facial growth patterns and run the results against the missing children's database. ANGELA: Send him back to childhood, huh? BRENNAN: Retain the cranial proportion, but reduce the jaw, narrow the neck, and raise the ears. Change the proportion of the head to one part facial mass to two and a quarter parts cranial mass. Decrease the size of the upper and lower jaw. Done. (Angela adjusts the proportions per Brennan's suggestions) ANGELA: It's hard to believe that ten years from this, he's going to be stealing IDs and getting himself killed. (she runs the image through the database and a match pops up) Ok, that's him. We found him. (Cut to: Booth's office. A TV clip is playing on the computer, and Booth and Sweets are watching) TV ANNOUNCER: Nine year old Liam is tonight's Thursday's Child. LIAM: I like all kinds of sports, but mostly basketball, even though I'm kinda short. But maybe I'll grow, right? And I'm really good at math, 'cause I like numbers. TV ANNOUNCER: If Liam can find a family, all those numbers are sure to add up to one very bright future. BOOTH: 'Kay, that sounds a little like puppy adoptions if you ask me. SWEETS: Well, when I was in the foster system, we used to think that the kids who got on Thursday's Child won the lottery, you know? One day, they're on TV, next day, big car pulls up to take them to the suburbs. Every single time. BOOTH: Yeah, well, Liam didn't get adopted, would've saved the juvie system a whole helluva lot of time if he had. Court unsealed his records because of the murder (Booth picks up and drops back down on his desk a thick set of manila files); he was busted two years ago for b&e with another foster kid by the name of Hunter Lang (he opens the file to Lang's charge sheet), we're trying to track him down now. SWEETS: Oh? Why? BOOTH: Well, Liam testified against Hunter in exchange for a suspended sentence. SWEETS: Oooh. That's not good. Rule number one, foster kids stick together. BOOTH: Huh. Well, is that the kind of thing a guy would kill for? SWEETS: Depends on the guy. I know these kids, I'll talk to 'em, let you know. (Cut to: Platform of the Medico-Legal Lab - Angela is recording information, Daisy is speaking as she approaches Angela from behind) DAISY: Has anyone else noticed this is like a giant jigsaw without the edge pieces? ANGELA: One person gets killed, and it's murder, millions get killed and it's history. DAISY: I'm trying to just think of them as bones. It's easier. Female, approximately 25. ANGELA: Right here, Hany Beaufort. (she pauses in thought) Yeah, but they're not just bones. DAISY: What does that mean? ANGELA: I'm going to need to borrow these skulls. (Cam enters the platform area) CAM: Why does no-one seem to be working on our murder victim, Ms. Wick? DAISY: Still waiting on Dr. Hodgins. (Cam sees the name tag on the skeleton and looks at the skeleton with a stunned look on her face.) ANGELA: Are you ok? CAM: I..it's nothing. Hany...was my great-grandmother's name. If you two can't stay focused on the Moloney case, we're going to have issues. ANGELA: Well, we're trying, but Hodgins is... (Hodgins enters the platform area, yelling out triumphantly and carrying a box) HODGINS: I got it! Thank you, Aquatic Nuisance Species Taskforce. A fine collection of marine biologists dedicated to making sure that if the alien ever shows up, jam it in an airlock and kiss it goodbye. (to Angela) Lost out on the name and rights, babe, but I'm a big boy, I can handle it. CAM: So happy to hear that. HODGINS: Turns out our little feathered friend is the osedax mucofloris, otherwise known as the bone-eating snot flower. ANGELA (chuckles): You've gotta be kidding. HODGINS: Not kidding. Allow me to demonstrate. (he opens the box, which contains cannoli) Voila. CAM: Oh no. HODGINS: Now, the bone-eating snot flower burrows into the bone like so (he takes a straw and blows off the wrapper, which hits Daisy in the face. He then pushes it through the shell of the cannoli): it cracks through the hard shell straight down to the fatty marrow, and then (he sucks through the straw). Now, each female has maybe a dozen dwarf males inside of her. Basically, sperm holders. (he offers around the cannoli he was eating to Daisy, Cam and Angela, all of whom have disgusted expressions on their faces) Cannoli? No? Anyone? ANGELA: No, never again, I cannot even tell you. CAM: Can you please get to the point? HODGINS: I figured out how to remove 'em (he grins, then takes a bite out of the cannoli). (Cut to: Hoover Building, Sweets' office) (Door opens - Sweets is sitting in his chair, Daisy enters) DAISY: You have to back me up with Dr. Brennan. She hasn't said anything, but I know what she's thinking. It's an emergency. SWEETS: Whoa. What am I supposed to say? DAISY: You have to explain what happened this morning. SWEETS: sx is a normal part of the adult experience; you don't need to apologize for it. DAISY: Do you know what happened when I was little? (She takes a seat on the couch) My dad and I saw these two deer going at it on the side of a hill, and I asked him what they were doing. And he said the nice deer in back was pushing his friend up the hill. SWEETS: Seriously? DAISY (looks at Sweets expectantly): And now, we're those deer, only no-one's explaining that you were just pushing me uphill. (Sweets says nothing, but looks perplexed) DAISY: I have issues. SWEETS: I had no idea. (He rises from his chair) DAISY: You're happy we broke up, aren't you? SWEETS: (Pacing his office) Look, Dr. Brennan is not a prude; I would suggest that she doesn't even care that we had sx, just that it was right in front of her. DAISY: That would be logical. SWEETS: Not that it would ever come up again anyways. An anomaly. (He takes a seat next to Daisy on the couch) DAISY: Totally. SWEETS: But maybe there's nothing wrong with that, if it did come up. I mean, just as long as it wasn't here. (Daisy nods) SWEETS: Seems reasonable. DAISY: Totally reasonable. (They look at each other a moment and then begin frantically making out on the couch) (Cut to: Marina. Booth, Brennan and Sweets are walking and talking) BOOTH: So the parole officer didn't have an address on Hunter Lang, but she said he works on a boat at the end of the dock called The Dandina. SWEETS: You know, it's possible he was drawn to the sea because the isolation mimics his childhood environment. BOOTH: Nah, you're overthinking this. BRENNAN: There's no such thing as overthinking. You may think incorrectly or inadequately or falsely, but the notion... BOOTH: Ok, got it. Got it. SWEETS: Ok, so since you guys both saw the "incident," I've decided to take Agent Booth's advice. Anyway, even though Daisy and I aren't dating, I've decided we can still enjoy each other's company, casually, once in a while. BRENNAN: I'm not sure why I should care. Are you planning on having sx somewhere that I will witness it? SWEETS: I hope not. BRENNAN: Then I definitely don't care. BOOTH: I'm with her. (The trio approaches a larger boat with a sign saying "Welcome aboard the Cougar Cruise) Yeah, well, so much for that isolation theory, Mr. Expert on Foster Care. BRENNAN: Well, I've heard about these events. They're designed to facilitate intercourse between older women and younger men. BOOTH: We got that, Bones. NADIA: Hurry up, ladies, cosmos are waiting! CAPTAIN: We're ready to cast off. NADIA: Oh, ok. Time to board! BOOTH: Excuse me, we're looking for Hunter Lang. CAPTAIN: Uh, he's one of our bartenders. (to the woman) They're looking for Lang. NADIA: Oh. Jealous husband? BOOTH: FBI! NADIA: Oh. Well, can this wait? We'll be back by ten. BOOTH: Yeah, how 'bout we come with you? NADIA: Only if he comes too (pointing to Sweets). BOOTH: That was the plan. (Booth walks off to get on the boat) NADIA: Done! SWEETS: I'm sorry, what just happened there? BRENNAN: If this were the Maluku's, I'd say it was some sort of virgin offering. SWEETS: Virgin? BRENNAN: Quasi-virgin offering. (Brennan walks off, Sweets follows) (The scene changes from late afternoon to nighttime. There is a shot of the ship all lit up, Latin music is playing) (Cut to: Ship's interior. The dance floor is filled with women dancing with younger men) BRENNAN: The male guests seem to be enjoying themselves. BOOTH: Oh, c'mon, are you kidding me? Look at this kid, he's barely out of diapers. BRENNAN: Wouldn't you like to be on a boat full of nubile young women? BOOTH: No. SWEETS: The socially acceptable age difference is half plus eight. (Booth looks skeptical) C'mon, everyone knows that. BRENNAN: They do not. If everyone knew that, Booth would know that. BOOTH: Ok, so you're ok with dating somebody who's twenty? SWEETS: Sure. If she were mature. BRENNAN: That means that it would be well within the social norm for me to date a man of 24. BOOTH (gesturing to Sweets): He's 24, would you date him? BRENNAN: Well, not literally. SWEETS: I'm definitely getting the "look" here. BOOTH: The look? BRENNAN: The precursor to sexual overtures. WOMAN (approaching Sweets): Let's see what you've got. (Another woman pinches Sweets' behind) SWEETS: Oh! BOOTH (chuckling at Sweets' obvious discomfort): All right, ladies, he's got a curfew, he's gotta be back by twelve. SWEETS: You're going to leave me? BOOTH: Yeah. (Booth and Brennan walk off, leaving Sweets to be manhandled by the group of women who have surrounded him) SWEETS: Okay. Hi... BRENNAN: The atmosphere here is very festive. (She reaches for a cocktail off the tray of a passing waiter) Thank you. (Booth attempts to grab one for himself, but the waiter moves away before he has a chance) BOOTH: Oh, uh, thanks, I'm fine, no need. I'm working. BRENNAN: Anthropologically speaking... BOOTH: Yeah? BRENNAN: Women were attracted to older men because they could take care of them. The world has changed; these women can take care of themselves. BOOTH: Yeah, right, well it's just wrong, that's all, it's just wrong. BRENNAN: Why? Because it's hard on men like you, who are past their prime? BOOTH: Whuh, I'm not past my prime. BRENNAN: Prime is eighteen. BOOTH: Okay, maybe just a little. (Brennan walks off, Booth notices someone behind the bar) Hey, Bones, that's Hunter Lang. (Brennan is now conversing with a young man) BRENNAN: The posterior surface of your forearm is absolutely magnificent. GUY: Thanks. I work out. BOOTH: You can work out somewhere else, she's not interested, okay? (To Brennan) C'mon. BRENNAN: Don't be so hasty. BOOTH (laughs incredulously): Are you kidding me? Hasty? GUY: Who's the old dude? BOOTH: I'm her partner. BRENNAN: He's my partner. BOOTH: She's too old for you and too young for you, all at the same time. BRENNAN: I think what he's trying to tell you is that I haven't yet reached my sexual prime. GUY: I have. Definitely. BOOTH: Definitely. (He grabs Brennan's drink from her) Give me this, right now, 'kay? C'mon. Sweets! (He heads over to where Sweets is) We're working, put the drink down. SWEETS: I'm trying! BOOTH: Here, have this. (He hands the drink to one of the women) Lock your lips around that, sweetheart. (To Sweets) C'mon, this way. WOMAN (in the background): Want me to tuck you in? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Ship's bar. Sweets and Booth are talking to Lang) SWEETS: I know you had it rough, Hunter. I was a foster kid too. HUNTER (smirks): Sure you were. SWEETS: How many foster homes did you live in? HUNTER: Eleven? Twelve? Who keeps track? SWEETS: I did. Four places, by the time I was six. Not something you forget. HUNTER: Yeah? What was your score? SWEETS (explaining to Booth): Supervision score. One means doesn't need supervision, five means bring out the meds and lock 'em down. (to Hunter) Makes it easy on the check cashers, huh? (to Booth again) That's what we called foster parents. (back to Hunter) I was a two. HUNTER: I was a four. Real pain in the ass. BOOTH: Great. So what was the deal with you and Liam Moloney? HUNTER: Uh, no deal, no deal. And I'm not saying that because he's dead. BOOTH: He testified against you. HUNTER: I got over it. Are we done yet? BOOTH: No. SWEETS: Kids I was placed with, we leaned on each other. If one of those kids betrayed me, that would hurt. A lot. HUNTER: Look, what Liam did, I was like, whatever, you know? We talked about it when I got out of juvie, and it's all good, no big. BOOTH: So when was the last time you saw him? HUNTER: Labor Day. Yeah, he was uh, he was working the cougars. You see, most of the guys that come here, they come for the free booze, the easy sx, but not Liam. He was smarter than that. He used to get the extras from the old ladies, like, uh, money, gifts... BOOTH: Are you aware of an issue that happened between Liam and a guy named Mike Casper? HUNTER: No, I'm not. BOOTH: Okay, on Labor Day, did you two leave together? HUNTER: No, no, he must've bailed when I was cleaning up. Ask Nadia. She'd know. BOOTH: Why's that? HUNTER: Well, he was one of her favorites. Yeah, Liam'd always show up with a carful of cubs, Nadia would get her boy bit, and then Liam would have all the cougars he could handle. SWEETS: How many would that be? HUNTER: C'mon man. He's nineteen. Was nineteen. Look, can I get back to work here? BOOTH (to Sweets): Listen, I'm going to go find Bones, talk to Nadia, you get the rest of his information, all right? SWEETS: Yeah. (Booth walks off, a woman grabs him by the arm) WOMAN: Hello there. BOOTH (looks around, surprised): Me? WOMAN: Aren't you a scrumptious little tidbit. BOOTH: Oh, no no, okay? In case you haven't noticed, I don't really fit this demographic. WOMAN: Nuh uh, you've got it all wrong, sugar. Why would I want to be with them when I can be with you? (Booth gives a nervous smile and a slight laugh but says nothing) (Cut to: Jeffersonian, Ookey Room. Hodgins is bending over the tank, which is bubbling) HODGINS: I just needed to know what they were. Now, I know what'll eat 'em. Piranhas. (Daisy gives Hodgins a stunned look of surprise, he begins to pour the fish into the tank) DAISY: And they won't damage the bones? HODGINS: Nope! The bubbles agitate the water and encourage them to feed. DAISY: May I ask you a personal question, Dr. Hodgins? HODGINS: No. I have got a beautiful wife, a fulfilling job, and I just figured out how to remove snot flowers. I'm gonna go ahead and savor the moment here, Ms. Wick. DAISY: Wow! HODGINS (reaching into the tank): Oof! Ahh! (pulls out a bone) Ha ha! (he hands the bone to Daisy) Perfection! DAISY: That's curious. There are significant abrasions to the bone. Can I see that ulna? HODGINS: One ulna, coming right up. Ahh! (he hands the bone to Daisy) Whoo! DAISY: (She lays the bones down on a tray and bends down for a closer look) They look like kerf marks, but they don't go into the bone, they go along the bone, and the staining says they're definitely perimortem. HODGINS: (leaning in close to observe as well) Well, I'll swab 'em and see what we got. DAISY: The abrasions are everywhere, all along the anterior surface of the bones. HODGINS: You know, I know it's one of the few areas of my non-expertise, but does it look to you like somebody attacked our dead guy with a grater? (Hodgins and Daisy look at each other, both equally baffled) (Cut to: Cruise ship) (Brennan is on her phone) BRENNAN: I understand, yes. Goodbye, Ms. Wick. (Booth approaches her) BOOTH: So what'd the lab say? BRENNAN: The victim was attacked by a sharp, pierced object with multiple grooves, some kind of very large grater. BOOTH: Hmm. Before or after getting hooked like a fish? BRENNAN: I have no way of knowing that until I examine the bones. BOOTH: You know what, we gotta find the party planner around here. BRENNAN: She throws a very good party. I enjoyed my conversation. BOOTH: What, with the zygote? BRENNAN: He's charming. He likes long walks on the beach and he enjoys watching the sunset. BOOTH: That's a line, Bones, all right, they're lines. You're what they call prime real estate around here. BRENNAN: Well, I'm prime real estate anywhere. BOOTH: Never, never mind. Hey, Captain, have you seen Nadia Blake? CAPTAIN: Uh, probably below deck (he takes a sip of his "coffee") BOOTH: Whoo, that's some uh, fragrant coffee you got there. CAPTAIN: Heh. I brewed it myself, uh, gotta keep sharp. (Booth and Brennan walk off in search of Nadia Blake) (Cut to: Deck of the cruise ship) BOOTH: Hey, Bones, our guy was hooked through the mouth like a fish, right? BRENNAN: Uh huh. BOOTH (gesturing to an object): That fit the bill? (The object is a harpoon-like device) BRENNAN: The shape is consistent with the damage to the palatine bone and the cribriform plate. BOOTH: Right, whatever that means. But, could be our murder weapon, right? Yeah. BRENNAN: We have to bring it back to the lab and test it for trace evidence. (Booth has begun walking down the outdoor passageway towards something that has caught his attention) BOOTH: Hey, Bones, this be our grater? BRENNAN: It is if it corresponds to the abrasions on the bones. BOOTH: Which means Liam Moloney didn't make it off this boat alive. (He opens a door, they head in, going down stairs to below deck. They hear the sound of glass crashing) NADIA: (from inside) Don't! BOOTH: I got it. (He pulls his gun and busts open the door) NADIA: Stop it! BOOTH: FREEZE! (Nadia is in the bed with one of the boys) NADIA: I mean it! (Looking up at Booth) Do you mind? BOOTH: Okay, come on, cover up, need to ask you a few questions about Liam Moloney. NADIA: (sighs) You mind if I get dressed first? BOOTH: You got sixty seconds. (Brennan notices insects on the floor and goes to investigate) BRENNAN: Look! BOOTH: Whaddya got, Bones? NADIA: What happened to my sixty seconds? BRENNAN: Maggots. Most likely blowfly maggots, indicating that at some recent point, there was rotting flesh here. BOOTH (to the boy toy): Okay, you, pony boy, let's go, out, c'mon. Here you go. BRENNAN: You need a key to open this lock. BOOTH: Bones, excuse me. BRENNAN: What? (Booth kicks open the closet door) NADIA (gasps): You people are crazy! BOOTH (opening the closet): Look at that. BRENNAN: (turns on her flashlight and peers at the maggots) You said Liam was last seen on this boat? BOOTH: I'm thinking that uh, he was killed and stashed in here until they got out far enough to dump the body, what do you think? BRENNAN: I think you're right. (Booth gives Nadia a look, she looks displeased and continues getting dressed) (Cut to: Interrogation room, FBI. Booth is there with Sweets and Nadia) BOOTH: Last time Liam was seen alive was on one of your cruises, 'bout a month ago? NADIA: Okay, I don't keep track of the boys who go on my cruises, my God, that'd be a full-time job. SWEETS: As opposed to arranging hookups. NADIA: For a cop, he certainly knows how to take the romance out of things. BOOTH: We're not talking about him, we're talking about you. So, middle-aged women pay you to hookup with younger guys? NADIA: No, they don't. They pay to go on my cruises. What they do when they get off is up to them. BOOTH: Right, well one of your guests ended up fish food at the bottom of the sea. I'm not seeing the romance in that. SWEETS: And he usually does, which means there really isn't any. NADIA: Hey, I liked Liam! He was very good for business. BOOTH: Yeah, you took advantage of a kid who didn't have a mother. You basically fed him older women. NADIA: He needed mature companionship, and my ladies needed a fresh face. SWEETS: And youthful physique. NADIA: Exactly. BOOTH: Y'know, there are plenty of guys in their thirties and forties who have youthful physiques. SWEETS: Yeah. Yeah. BOOTH: Yeah. SWEETS (more to Booth than to Nadia): It's different. Not in a bad way, but... NADIA: Yeah in a bad way. BOOTH: You're not helping your case. NADIA: Something happened to Liam that night, I have no idea what it is. BOOTH: Guy was stuffed in a fish locker. In a cabin that you seem to spend a lot of your "quality" time in. NADIA: Okay, how could I put him in a locker I don't even have the key to? BOOTH: Who has the key? NADIA: Well, Captain Kelly. Maybe it's him you should be talking to. (Cut to: Jeffersonian, Hodgins' Lab) (Cam enters the lab, seeking Hodgins) CAM: Do you have the results back on the maggots from the cougar cruise? HODGINS (peering intently at the computer screen): Maggots are next on my list. CAM (sighs in exasperated fashion): Ms. Wick has already confirmed the murder weapon, everyone else is working on the slave ship, which makes you the clog in my drain, Dr. Hodgins. HODGINS: Still trying to figure out the trace from those bone scrapes - it's very strange and sticky. Three primary proteins, including a trypsin-like serine protease. CAM: This is my 'what the hell are you talking about' look. HODGINS: It's a waterproof marine epoxy. (Cam points to her face again) HODGINS: Glue. CAM: Why would the victim have glue on his bones? HODGINS: (taking a seat) Yeah, that's exactly what's got me stumped. CAM: Ponder it while you put the maggots in the blender. Hopefully you can pull enough DNA to prove that Liam Moloney was in that locker. (She turns and leaves) HODGINS: After he was dead, but before he got tossed overboard. I'm on it. (Cut to: Interrogation Room, FBI - Booth and Brennan are interrogating Captain Kelly) BRENNAN: (Sliding across the DMV record for Liam Moloney) Your boat hook killed him, his name is Liam Moloney. CAPTAIN: I seen him before, but I barely know the guy. Why would I kill him? (Electronic beeping noises are heard in the background, Brennan looks down at her phone) BOOTH: You tell me, I mean, you got a wife, captain, she hook up with Moloney? CAPTAIN: Oh please, I'd have paid him. (Brennan is checking her phone, and has messages from Hodgins and Daisy) BOOTH (to Brennan): Would you knock it off with that? BRENNAN: They're from Ms. Wick and Hodgins, and it appears to be urgent. BOOTH: All right, just get on with it, all right, be quick. (Brennan resumes checking her messages) CAPTAIN: She doesn't really listen to you, does she? BOOTH: That's really none of your business. (Captain chuckles) (Booth turns to face Brennan, sitting down on the table) BRENNAN: Dr. Hodgins blended the maggots. They don't have remnants of human DNA, they have monocalcium paracaseinate. BOOTH: Which means? Explain! BRENNAN: Cheese. BOOTH: What?! BRENNAN: The maggots ate cheese, not Moloney. (Captain bursts out laughing) BOOTH: (rising and turning to the Captain) Okay, you, that's not funny. CAPTAIN: Yeah, it is. Look, I don't just do the horny broad cruises, I do gourmet parties once a month. BOOTH: Your point is? CAPTAIN: Last week's dinner, there was a bunch of this, uh, y'know, uh, illegal Italian cheese. I took one. BRENNAN (chuckles): Ohh, I see. BOOTH: No, I don't. What does Italian cheese have to do with maggots? BRENNAN: There's a traditional Sardinian sheep-milk cheese called Casu Marzu , it is riddled with live insect larvae. CAPTAIN: Look, I told you, I, I had nothing to do with this. BOOTH: All right, all right, do you remember seeing this guy on the Labor Day cougar cruise? CAPTAIN (sighs): I mighta seen him out on deck with a woman. Nobody goes out on deck on account of the bar's inside. BRENNAN: Can you describe her? CAPTAIN: Well, I was um, little under the weather. BOOTH (scoffs): Drunk. CAPTAIN: A...possibility. BRENNAN: Then how are we going to get a description? (Cut to: Jeffersonian, Angela's office) (Angela is sitting on the ground, sketching the faces that belong to the skulls of the remains found on the slave ship. She is deeply focused on her task. After a time, Hodgins comes to her office and stands in the doorway, watching her) HODGINS: Somebody forget about lunch? ANGELA: Oh, I'm..I...how long have I been sitting here? HODGINS: Hours. I had a Caesar salad, with a side of Ms. Wick. We talked about Sardinian cheese at length. (He comes to sit down next to Angela on a chair) ANGELA (laughs): I'm so sorry, babe. I totally lost track. HODGINS: No, these are amazing, Angie. You're doing a sketch for every set of remains? ANGELA: Kind of feel like I have to. HODGINS: You also have to eat. I mean, you're growing a baby, remember? ANGELA: Well yeah, but he was somebody's baby too (gesturing to the sketch she is working on, of a young boy), and I want our baby to know that. (She looks up to see Hodgins smiling at her) Oh, wow, I sound like a crazy woman, don't I? HODGINS: Actually, you're sounding like a mom. ANGELA: Oh, crap, already? HODGINS: Yup. ANGELA: Then I should take that sandwich. HODGINS: 'kay. Keep working, I'm on it. You want a peanut butter and egg salad? ANGELA: Yes, I know, pregnancy is so weird. I love you. HODGINS: Love you too. (They kiss) Even the charcoal-y bits. (Cut to: Booth's office. Brennan, Sweets, Booth and the Captain are all there, Sweets is pouring a glass of scotch) SWEETS: Three separate studies suggest this is a very effective method. It's called state-dependent learning. (Captain takes a drink) If we want him to remember when he was drunk, we just have to get him drunk. BOOTH: Right. Is this really going to work? BRENNAN: Memories are anchored in internal contexts. SWEETS: Yeah, for example, if I had a drink, I would instantly remember Daisy, and how champagne just makes her eyes sparkle. BOOTH: Sweets? Is he drunk enough already? (Captain attempts to put his arm on the armrest of the chair but misses) SWEETS: I'd say yes. BOOTH: Okay, let's just focus here, all right? Labor Day cruise, Liam Moloney's on the deck with a woman, can you describe her? CAPTAIN: Hmmm. SWEETS: He's confused. For example, if I were to describe Daisy, I'd say she was 5'5", beautiful brown hair... BOOTH: Oh, for God's sake, Sweets! SWEETS: What? CAPTAIN: I remember! Her hair was red, and she kept uh, flicking it. BRENNAN: Booth! That sounds just like... BOOTH: Claire Casper. BRENNAN: The wife of the man whose identity Liam stole. BOOTH (to Sweets): Get his keys. SWEETS: Why? BOOTH: We gotta go solve a murder. Just give him two aspirin and put him in a cab, all right? (Booth and Brennan exit, Sweets removes the glass from the Captain's hand) CAPTAIN: Wai, wai, wai, wai, wait! (Cut to: FBI interrogation room, Booth is with Claire Casper) BOOTH: We got witnesses, and they all put you on the Labor Day cougar cruise. CLAIRE: Big whoop. I go on a lot of party cruises, they're a fun night out. BOOTH: Fun night out with Liam Moloney? CLAIRE: All right, you really want me to say this. Liam and I hooked up a few months ago. He used to come by the house when Mike was at work. BOOTH: Ahh, okay, so when Mike's ID got stolen, you realized it was Liam. Could've been real easy for him, all he had to do was grab some mail. That must've really pissed you off. CLAIRE: You think I care? Boy went like a hot little pipe. BOOTH: Oh, you definitely cared, because your whole little world was about to come crumbling down. You went on that cruise looking for him, didn't you. What'd he say? Threaten to tell your husband about the affair? CLAIRE: (leaning in close to Booth) I didn't kill Liam. And there's nothing you can do to prove different. (Cut to: Jeffersonian, Cam's desk. She is looking through the manifest from the slave ship. She closes the book and takes a deep breath. Angela enters) ANGELA: Hey! We're uh, almost wrapped up. CAM: Yeah, Booth called, he thinks Claire Casper did it, but there's no evidence to tie her to the crime. ANGELA: No, I was actually, I was talking about the Amalia Rose. The remains have been identified and they're moving them into the exhibit. The press conference is tomorrow. CAM: Great. ANGELA: Not that this is any of my business, but um, I sort of thought that you'd be more interested. CAM (gives a small laugh): Interested, is that what I'm supposed to be? ANGELA: I just thought... CAM: That because I'm black, I should be all over this. (Angela looks uncertain how to reply) CAM: I already know what happened. My family were property, along with about fifteen million other Africans, they were traded like cattle, and they died like cattle, and I am trying really hard not to let those bones out there get to me. ANGELA: I'm sorry, Cam, I should've been more sensitive. CAM: It's fine, it's all good. (Hodgins enters) HODGINS: Hey, so, new developments...am I interrupting? CAM: No, uh, what's going on? HODGINS: I ran a couple more tests, and the sticky stuff on the bone abrasions wasn't marine epoxy, it's barnacle secretion. (Cam looks puzzled) HODGINS: I think I know what happened. (Cut to: Platform of the Medico-Legal Lab. Hodgins is leading, followed by Daisy, Angela and Cam) HODGINS: Now, imagine this platform is the party boat, and I am Liam Moloney. DAISY: And I'm Claire Casper, sexually predatory suburban housewife. HODGINS: Right, okay, so, Moloney and Claire, they struggle. (Hodgins and Daisy pretend to attack each other) HODGINS: Now, Moloney, he's strong. DAISY: We know that from the bone attachments. HODGINS: But Claire, she's got rage on her side. DAISY: And I shove him overboard (Hodgins goes flying over the railing). ANGELA: Hey! (She and Cam rush over to see if Hodgins is okay) (Hodgins beams up at them from a mattress and cushions on the floor) HODGINS: Don't worry, we thought this through! Moloney, he tries to climb back on board (Hodgins gets up and attempts to start climbing the railing of the platform), scraping himself on the barnacles, but Claire, she grabs the boat hook (Daisy grabs an improvised boat hook made from a broom). CAM: And stabs him straight through the mouth. HODGINS (holding on to the pretend boat hook): Uh huh. DAISY: The hook tore through his palate, into the frontal lobe, fracturing his front teeth as it was removed (she releases the "hook" and Hodgins falls back onto the mattress). (Hodgins and Daisy look at Cam and Angela; Daisy sighs a little from the exertion, Angela looks at Cam, who looks troubled) ANGELA: What's wrong? CAM: If the abrasions to Liam Moloney's skeleton were caused by the barnacles on the boat, there may be evidence in the barnacles. HODGINS: And that is why I sent the techs out to the marina to check the boat. (Cut to: Hodgins' lab. He is showing Brennan images on the computer screen) HODGINS: Barnacles grow at a prescribed rate. We dated these little ones back to the night Liam Moloney disappeared. BRENNAN: He tried to climb back up the side of the hull, in the process, breaking off the barnacles and lacerating himself down to the bone. HODGINS: Yeah, and, these baby barnacles grew in their place. (Cam enters) CAM: DNA's back from the blood we found under those barnacles. There's two types: one is consistent with Liam Moloney, the other's a match for Claire Casper. BRENNAN: She must've gotten cut when they struggled. CAM: Booth wanted evidence, looks like we got it. (Cut to: Interrogation Room, FBI) (Booth is confronting Claire Casper) BOOTH: A jury's going to believe this, Claire. We got you. CLAIRE: It was an accident. I...I told Liam I knew what he did. We started fighting. My glass broke, and I got cut - I looked down and saw blood, and I got so mad, I shoved him. He...went over. BOOTH: Into the ocean. CLAIRE: I grabbed the boat hook to get him, I was gonna pull him out. BOOTH: Then what happened? CLAIRE: He called me a...desperate old hag. And I never thought of myself as old until then. And I, I grabbed the boat hook, and I swung it up, and caught him in the mouth. BOOTH: Just like a fish. CLAIRE: I...wanted him to die, Agent Booth, but I...I didn't want to kill him. (Booth says nothing, but shakes his head slightly) (Cut to: shot of DC at night, then the Royal Diner. Sweets and Daisy are sitting at the counter) SWEETS: Here's the thing. As much as it pains me to say, I don't like casual sx. DAISY: You don't? SWEETS: I mean, I like sx, I love s*x, okay, I just, I don't only want to spend time with you 'cause I'm getting my freak on. DAISY: I like giving you the freak. SWEETS: If you want to keep seeing me, we need to have a substantive conversation, and shared interests. DAISY: Well, that should be easy, I mean, we have lots in common. SWEETS: Okay, like what? DAISY: We both love Indian food. SWEETS: Can't stand it, only ate it for you. DAISY: Really? SWEETS: Uh huh. What about travel? DAISY: Since the Malukus, I'm totally over it. SWEETS: Hiking? DAISY: Hate it. Dogs? I love dogs. SWEETS: I'm allergic. (They fall into silence, both looking despondent at what this means for them) DAISY: Remember that time when you had the flu, and we stayed in bed and watched the Saved by the Bell marathon? SWEETS: Yeah, and we decided we dislike Jessie because she's so smart and ambitious, right? DAISY: And you were like Screech, 'cause he was the geeky genius. SWEETS: But they never hooked up. DAISY: Which they totally should have. SWEETS: Right? 'Cause they had more in common than they realized. (They look at each other, and Daisy nods silently) DAISY: We could watch it again. SWEETS: I have issues with the last season. DAISY: Me too! (They smile at each other) SWEETS: Daisy. DAISY: Lancelot. (They embrace) (Cut to: Shots of DC, then the Jeffersonian, where the press conference about the Amalia Rose is being held) CAM: These people were wrenched from their homeland, and disappeared into the cold seas of the Atlantic, forgotten, until today. We're very proud to announce that, thanks to the hard work of the Jeffersonian staff, the remains found on the Amalia Rose have been matched with the names on the manifest, and they will be buried at the Great Oak Cemetery in Maryland, but their names and faces will live on here, at the Jeffersonian. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present the victims of the Amalia Rose. (She begins to read out the names as the faces Angela sketched are displayed on the screens surrounding her) Pollodore Nelson. Barbury Page. Jim, no last name. Abraham Fox. (She looks down at the paper she is reading from and hesitates, struggling to master her emotions) Hany...Hany...(she exhales, audibly) Hany Beaufort. Bartlett Nelson. Isaiah Nelson. Rebecca, no last name. Cain Dawson. Eliza, no last name. Georgiana Pickett. Clarence Stark. Dilly Stark. Franklin, no last name. (Fade to black, credits roll) END.
doc_137	(THUNDER CRASHING) Oliver (voiceover): The day I went missing... was the day I died. Five years in hell forged me into a weapon, which I use to honor a vow I made to my father, who sacrificed his life for mine. In his final moments, he told me the truth... that our family's wealth had been built on the suffering of others. That he failed our city, and that it was up to me to save it and right his wrongs. But to do that without endangering the people closest to me, I have to be someone else. I have to be something else. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT Arrow is standing on the roof as men start running at him. Marcus Redman: Who's that? Man 2: Where'd he come from? Arrow fights three men and wins, while three others watch. Man 3: What's going on here? (SHOUTING) Arrow shoots an arrow at one of the three men. Marcus Redman: Get the chopper back now. Arrow shoots an arrow at one of the original four men. Marcus Redman: Who's this guy? Arrow shoots another man, and then punches him with the bow. Marcus Redman: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Please, wait, wait! Arrow backs Marcus Redman against the edge of the building and throws him to the lower roof, on top of the ventilator fan. (Marcus Redman SCREAMING) Arrow jumps onto the ventilator fan next to Marcus Redman and kicks open the grate covering the fan. Sparks explode from the fan. (Marcus Redman GROANING) Arrow grabs Marcus Redman and forces his head toward the fan. Marcus Redman: No? No, please! No, please, please! Arrow: Marcus Redman, you failed this city. Marcus Redman: Please! No, please, no! Don't hurt me, please! Arrow: Cell phone, inside pocket, call your partner. Tell him to give those pensioners back their money. Marcus Redman: Oh, please don't! Arrow: Do it now. Marcus Redman: Okay. Arrow jumps off of the ventilator fan and walks into the camera. INT. QUEEN MANSION - DAY Oliver walks into the sitting room where Moira Queen is sitting on the couch with Walter standing behind the couch and Thea Queen standing next to the couch. Newscaster (voiceover): Over the past 15 years, Mr. Redman has withdrawn more than 30 million dollars from the plant's account. Mr. Redman claims refunding the Halcyon pension plan has always been his intent. But sources say Redman was coerced by the vigilante. Sketch of the Arrow appears on the television with the caption reading MYSTERIOUS HOODED VIGILANTE. Oliver extends his arm in disbelief toward the television. Oliver: This guy gets more air-time than the Kardashians, right? Thea: Five years on an island and you still know who they are. Oliver: I've been catching up. It's nice to see how much our culture has improved while I was away. Moira: No, the city used to be different. People used to feel safe. Thea: Oh, what's the matter, Mom? Afraid we're gonna be next? Walter: Do you have any questions about today, Oliver? It's a simple proof-of-life declaration. Moira stands up and Walter straightens his suit jacket. Walter: Just read out a brief, prepared statement to the judge, and then your death-in-absentia judgment will be voided. Oliver: It's fine, Walter, I've been in a courtroom before. Tommy enters. Tommy: Four times by my estimate. You know, there was the DUI, the assault on that paparazzi douchebag, stealing that taxi, which was just awesome, by the way, and who could forget peeing on the cop? Moira: I wish everyone would. Oliver: I'd hang, but we're headed to court. Tommy: I know, that's why I'm here. My best friend is getting legally resurrected, I wouldn't miss this for the world. Oliver (whispering): Right. Okay. (normal volume to Thea) What about you? Thea: Oh, I think the first four times of you in court was enough for me. Oliver: Fair enough. Thea walks out of the room. Diggle enters. Diggle: Mrs. Queen? Car's ready. Diggle, Moira, Walter exit. Tommy: Walter. EXT. COURTHOUSE - DAY (PRESS CLAMORING) Man: Mr. Queen, can we get a comment, sir? Woman: ...return to civilization after five years on a deserted island. Man 2: Can you tell us what happened on that island, Mr. Queen? FLASHBACK Oliver and Sara on are thrown from the bed as the boat starts to sink. Sara screams. END FLASHBACK Man: Tell us about the accident, Mr. Queen. (CAMERAS CLICKING) Woman: 5 years on an island. FLASHBACK Oliver watches Sara slide away. Oliver reaches for Sara's hand. Oliver: Sara! (Sara SCREAMING) END FLASHBACK INT. COURTROOM - DAY Oliver: There was a storm. The boat went down. I was the only survivor. FLASHBACK The boat is sinking and rain pours from the sky. Oliver, his Father, and another man are on a life raft. Oliver: She's out there! Father: She's not there! Oliver: Sara! END FLASHBACK Oliver: My father didn't make it. FLASHBACK Father holds a gun to his head. Oliver: No! (GUNSHOT) END FLASHBACK Oliver: I almost died, I... I thought that I had, because I spent so many days on that life raft before I saw the island. FLASHBACK Oliver (voiceover): When I reached it, I knew... Oliver crawls onto the island, coughing. Oliver (voiceover): I knew that I was gonna have to live for both of us. END FLASHBACK Oliver: And in those five years, it was that one thought that kept me going. Lawyer: Your Honor, we move to vitiate the death-in-absentia filed after Oliver's disappearance at sea aboard the Queen's Gamut five years ago. Unfortunately we will not be requesting that the declaration of death filed for the petitioner's father, Robert Queen, be rescinded. The Queen family is only entitled to one miracle, I'm afraid. INT. COURTHOUSE - DAY Moira: Now, onto the offices. Everyone is waiting to meet you there. Oliver: Uh, Mom, that was, uh...a little bit heavier than I was expecting it to be. Can we do that tomorrow? Please? Moira: Of course. Oliver: Thank you. Walter and Moira walk away. Tommy: Last week, you couldn't wait to get to the company. Oliver: Tommy, I'd just spent five years away from civilization. I wasn't exactly thinking straight. Oliver and Tommy run into Laurel. Oliver: I... Hi. Tommy: Hi. Laurel: What are you doing here? Oliver: Oh, they were bringing me back from the dead. Legally speaking. What are you doing here? Laurel: My job. Oliver: Right. Lawyer: More like the D.A.'s. Oliver extends his hand to Emily, standing to the right of Laurel. Oliver: Hi, Oliver Queen. Emily shakes his hand. Emily: Emily Nocenti. Laurel: Oliver just got back from five years on an uncharted island. Before that, he was cheating on me with my sister. He was with her when she died. And last week, he told me to stay away from him. It was really good advice. Excuse me. Laurel walks past Oliver and Tommy. Emily: It was nice to meet you. Lawyer: Yeah. Let's go. They walk past Oliver and Tommy to follow Laurel. Tommy: Come on, buddy, shake it off. Let's go. EXT. COURTHOUSE - DAY Reporter: Mr. Somers, one question, sir. Somers: I don't know what I've done to earn this witch-hunt from Miss Lance and her bosses at the CNRI. But I can tell you this. I am an honest businessman, and I will fight this slander to my last dime and breath. That's all I have to say, thank you. (REPORTERS TALKING INDISTINCTLY) Reporter 2: There's Mr. Queen! (REPORTERS TALKING INDISTINCTLY) Reporter: Tell us what happened inside, Mr. Queen... Diggle walks with Oliver and Tommy to the car. Diggle: Step back everybody, please. Reporter: Can you give us a couple comments about the island, Mr. Queen? Before you go, sir, please. Couple of comments about the island, sir. Reporter 2: What happened in there? Diggle: All right. Everybody step back. Diggle shoves the reporters away. Diggle (angrily): Hey man, I'll make you swallow that Nikon! Back! (CAR DRIVING AWAY) Diggle and Tommy watch the car leave. Tommy: This happens to you a lot, doesn't it? Diggle is obviously frustrated. INT. COURTROOM - DAY Laurel: How much is a life worth? A life of a man, a good man, a stevedore on the docks of the city in which we live. FLASHBACK Somers is standing while two men drag Victor Nocenti toward him. Laurel (voiceover): A father. END FLASHBACK Laurel: A man with a daughter. The plaintiff will prove by a preponderance of evidence that Victor Nocenti learned that his boss, that man sitting right there, Martin Somers, was taking bribes from the Chinese Triads to smuggle drugs into our city. FLASHBACK Laurel (voiceover): And when Victor Nocenti threatened to tell the police, Man slits Victor's throat. (CHOKING) Martin Somers had him killed. END FLASHBACK Laurel: Mr. Somers is very well-connected, and has friends in the District Attorney's office. Which is why, if Emily Nocenti is to get justice for her father's death, if Martin Somers is to get justice for his crimes, then someone is going to have to do it for them. INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY Oliver is shirtless, showing all of the scars he had gotten on the island, and starts climbing a thick rope. The camera pans to several green arrowheads on a table. Oliver (voiceover): Martin Somers. Laurel's targeted the worst of Starling City, so it's no surprise his name is on my father's list. Camera pans to father's list. Camera pans to Oliver practicing sword skills on metal bars. Oliver (voiceover): The city's police and the D.A. can't stop him, or won't. Laurel thinks she's the only one willing to bring him to justice. She's wrong. INT. SHIPPING DOCK WAREHOUSE - NIGHT Somers: You, listen up. The longer this goes on, the more likely the media is gonna crucify me. You shut this trial down, do you understand me? (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Man: Yes, sir. (LIGHTS FLASH ON AND OFF) (BLOWS LANDING) (MEN GROANING) (MUTTERS) Somers looks around as the light come back on. The two men in the warehouse are lying on the ground, face-down. Somers: What... What... Somers is pulled away by a quick rope around the neck. (CHOKING) EXT. SHIPPING WAREHOUSE ROOF - NIGHT (GRUNTS) Camera opens with Somers' upside-down view of the Arrow. Camera flips right side-up. Arrow: Martin Somers... Somers: Who the hell are you? Arrow: ...you've failed this city. Arrow lodges an arrow in his bow and aims at Somers. Somers: No! No, no, no, no, no! Arrow shoots next to Somers. Arrow: You're gonna testify in that trial. You're gonna confess to having Victor Nocenti killed. Camera shows upside-down view of the Arrow. Arrow: There won't be a second warning. Arrow shoots an arrow that grazes Somers' right cheek. (SCREAMING IN PAIN) (MUTTERING) Camera pans out and Arrow is gone. INT. QUEEN MANSION - NIGHT Moira: I hired you to protect my son. Now, I'm not a professional bodyguard, but it seems to me that the first requirement would be managing to stay next to the man you're hired to protect. Diggle: With all due respect, ma'am, I never had a client who didn't want my protection. Moira: I hired you. That makes me the client. Now where do you think my son is going on these chaperone-less excursions? Diggle: Ma'am, I truly do not know. Oliver walks into the room. Oliver: And he truly doesn't. Moira: Then perhaps you'd like to share with me, you know, where it is you run off to. (Oliver CHUCKLES) Oliver: I've been alone for five years. Moira: I know that, Oliver. Oliver: Mom... Alone. Moira: I see. Oliver: I promise to introduce her if it ever gets to the exchanging first names stage... Moira: No, I'd rather you promised to take Mr. Diggle with you on your next rendezvous. It's not safe, you've already been abducted once. There is a maniac out there, hunting the wealthy. Oliver: That maniac saved my life. Moira: This isn't a game. I lost you once. And I am not going through that again. Oliver: Okay. Dig's my guy. Moira: Thank you. Moira walks out of the room, leaving Oliver and Diggle alone. Oliver: Sorry to give you so much grief. Diggle: I served three tours in Afghanistan, Mr. Queen. You don't even come close to my definition of "grief." But I tell you what... You ditch me one more time, no one will have to fire me. Diggle walks away, passing Thea dressed in a red dress. Oliver: Where you going? Thea: Uh... Somewhere loud and smoky. And don't bother trying to pickpocket my stash this time, because I'm gonna go get drunk instead. Oliver: Thea, do you think this is what Dad would want for you? Thea: Dead people don't want anything. It's one of the benefits of being dead. Oliver:I was dead. And I wanted a lot. Thea: Except for your family. You've been home a week, and all you do is avoid Mom, ignore Walter, and judge me. (Oliver SIGHING) Thea: Don't wait up. Thea walks out of the house. INT. SHIPPING WAREHOUSE - DAY Quentin, Somers, and a group of policemen are in the warehouse. Quentin is pacing. Quentin: Well, I owe you an apology, Mr. Somers. We come all the way down to your docks, and it turns out, you don't need the police after all. Somers: Which is exactly what I've been saying. Quentin: Yeah. So I guess that 9-1-1 call that we got last night from your stevedore, saying that you were getting attacked by a guy in a green hood and a bow and arrow... I-I guess...I guess that, well... Hmm. Was that a practical joke? Somers: These guys like to fool around. Quentin: Yeah. (Quentin SCOFFING) Quentin: Well, you know, I'd be very much inclined to believe an honest, upstanding businessman like yourself, except, well, one of my men found this at your docks. Quentin pulls a green arrow out of an evidence bag and shows it to Somers. Quentin: You see, there's this vigilante running around. He thinks he's some kind of Robin Hood. He's robbing the rich, he's trying to teach them a lesson I guess. I don't know, I don't know. But the point is... the man's a killer. And nothing, and no one, is going to stop me from bringing him down. But like you said... Quentin sticks the arrows into a slot in the desk. It's a perfect fit. Somers frowns, obviously hiding something. Quentin: Hmm! ...clearly, nothing happened here last night. Somers: Isn't this a conflict of interest, Detective? After all, your daughter is suing me. Quentin: I'm pretty good at keeping my emotions in check. Somers: I'm not. Somers stands up and threateningly gets in Quentin's space. Somers: You and your daughter don't want to find out what I'm capable of when I get emotional. (Quentin SCOFFS) (Quentin SIGHING) Quentin walks and the other policemen walk out. Somers looks nervously at the arrow in his desk. INT. QUEEN CONSOLIDATED - DAY Walter walks off of the elevator, followed by Moira, Oliver, and Diggle. Walter: As you can see, Oliver, we've modernized quite a bit. (Oliver WHISTLING) Oliver: Ooh. Hi. (CHUCKLING SOFTLY) Moira: Are you enjoying yourself? Oliver: Yes, I am. Walter: I remember when your father used to bring you here when you were a boy. You always were so excited. Oliver: Dad let me drink soda in the office. Moira: Ah, so that's why you enjoyed coming. INT. OFFICE - DAY Walter: The Queen Consolidated's success of late is a result of its targeted diversification. We have been making impressive inroads in cutting-edge fields like bio-tech and clean energy. Oliver: That's neat. (to secretary) Excuse me? Can I get a sparkling water, or something cold, please? Moira: Sweetheart, Oliver, Walter and I have something to discuss with you. Come, please sit. Oliver: Mom, it makes me nervous when you ask me to sit down. Walter: The company's about to break ground on a new site for the Applied Sciences division, and we would like to honor your father by dedicating the building in his name. Oliver: Nice. Moira: And we'd like to make an announcement at the dedication that you will be taking a leadership position in the company. Oliver: No. Moira: No, your... Your company. Oliver: No, I don't want to lead anything. Besides, Walter is doing a very good job here. Moira: You said that you wanted to be a different person. You are Robert Queen's son. Oliver: I don't need to be reminded of that. Moira: Well, obviously you do. Walter: Everyone here understands that this transition is really difficult for you. Oliver: Thank you, Walter. Which part, though? Everyone fantasizing that I got my MBA while I was on the island? Or the fact that my father's CFO now sleeps down the hall from me? Moira starts walking away, but turns around and looks at Oliver. Moira: You know, five years ago, your irresponsibility was somewhat charming. It is a lot less so now. Moira walks out and Walter goes after her. EXT. QUEEN CONSOLIDATED - NIGHT Diggle walks out of the building ahead of Oliver to keep him from the press. Reporter: There he is! (CAMERAS CLICKING) (PRESS CLAMORING) Diggle escorts Oliver through the horde of reporters. They both get into the backseats of a car. Diggle: The driver will be here in a minute. Oliver: Okay. Diggle: You know, I spent the first 27 years of my life in Starling City, and the next five in Afghanistan. You want to know what I learned? Oliver: There's no place like home? Diggle: No, just the opposite. Home is a battlefield. Back home, they're all trying to get you. Get you to open up, be somebody you're not sure you are anymore. Oliver seems to be far away and deep in thought. Diggle: Or I could be wrong. Maybe after five years alone, you're not as messed up in the head as you have every right to be. FLASHBACK Oliver is lying on the ground. (SEAGULLS SQUAWKING) Oliver: Hey! Seagulls are swarming around the life raft that had washed onto the shore. Oliver: Hey, get away! Oliver starts running toward the raft. Oliver: Hey! (COUGHING) There is an orange bag holding a body in the raft. Oliver: Dad? Oliver kneels by the raft and takes the hand of the dead man. He jumps up and starts throwing up, collapsing on his hands and kneels. (SEAGULLS GET LOUDER) Oliver scrambles back toward his father. Oliver: Hey! Hey, stay away from him! (COUGHING) Oliver lifts his father's body over his shoulder. (GRUNTING) Oliver starts walking away with the body. END FLASHBACK INT. LAW FIRM - DAY Lawyer, Laurel, and Emily are walking together. Lawyer: Well, we anticipate that Somers' attorney will try and paint you as blinded by grief or looking to make a buck. Emily: This isn't about the money. I just want justice for my father. Laurel: Emily, there are a lot of people who don't want this trial to proceed. Dangerous people. Emily: My mother died when I was a baby, and my father has been the only family I've ever known and they slit his throat. They are going to have to kill me if they want me to give this up. Laurel: Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that. Quentin walks into the room with three police officers. Quentin: And it won't. Laurel: What's going on? Quentin: What's going on is that the three of you are getting around-the-clock police protection. Okay? Get used to their faces, because they're going with you everywhere you go. No arguments. Laurel: I'm a lawyer. I live to argue. Quentin: I'm your father. I live to keep you safe. Lawyer: Um, Emily, let's go grab a cup of coffee, okay? Quentin: Yes, why not do that? Thank you. (to officers) Please, go with them. (to last officer)Stay there. Laurel: Protective custody? I seem to recall you trying that once I discovered boys. It didn't work then either. (Quentin SIGHING) Quentin: This isn't a joke, Laurel. Martin Somers got attacked last night. Laurel: What? Quentin: Yeah. Laurel: By who? Quentin: It doesn't matter. Point is, you have whipped up a storm with these guys, and until the dust settles you'll be protected, okay? End of discussion. Laurel: That might have worked when I was eight. But it's not gonna work anymore. Quentin: End of discussion, Laurel! You're insistent on doing your job. That's great. But this is me doing mine, okay? And not just as a father, but as a cop. These people, they are more dangerous than you are willing to admit. And you've made them angry. INT. SHIPPING WAREHOUSE - NIGHT Somers sitting at his desk. Woman walks in wearing red dress. Somers: Thank you for coming. Woman: Anything for a friend. Somers: We're not friends. You smuggle drugs, I let you use my port. Woman: For which you're paid a lot of money. Somers: I don't get paid enough to have arrows shot at me. You need to take this guy seriously. He is a bigger threat to your operation than Nocenti ever was. Woman: Except now it's Nocenti's daughter who's the problem. Unlike your friend with the hood, we know where to find her. Somers: Don't be an idiot. You take out Emily Nocenti, and Laurel Lance will never let this go. She won't stop until she burns you, me, and then the entire Triad to the ground. Woman: Then we kill Miss Lance. Somers looks clearly nervous. INT. OLIVER'S ROOM - DAY Newscaster: Attorney for shipping magnate, Martin Somers, Oliver walks into the scene. His shirt is off, showing the scars in his back, sides, and arms. Newscaster: has confirmed his client has no intention of testifying, maintaining his innocence in the wrongful death of Victor Nocenti. Nocenti's body was found four weeks ago. We'll keep you updated as more information becomes available. Thea walks into the room and sees Oliver's scars as he puts a shirt on. Thea: Wait, how did you get those? (Oliver SIGHING) Oliver (frustrated): Don't you knock? Thea pulls back his shirt to get a better look at his scars. Oliver frowns at his sister's insistent behavior. Thea: No, wait... Mom said that there were scars, but... I-I'm... Oliver, what happened to you out there? Oliver: I don't want to talk about it. Oliver closes and buttons his shirt. (Thea SCOFFS) Thea: Of course you don't. You never want to talk to me about anything. Except for my social life. Thea starts walking out. Oliver turns to her. Oliver: Wait! Where are you going? Thea: Why should I tell you? Oliver: I'm sorry, Thea. I need to get better at talking about what happened to me there. But I'm not ready yet. Okay? Thea: Do you have a second? Oliver: Yeah. Thea: Good. I wanna show you something out back. EXT. QUEEN MANSION - DAY Thea and Oliver walking with the mansion in the background. Thea: Sometimes, when I felt... Whatever... I'd come here. Camera shows two gravestones. One says: ROBERT QUEEN 1958-2007 A leader, a husband Thea kneels in front of the gravestone and starts dusting off the bottom. Thea: About a month after the funerals, Mom stopped going out. Pretty soon, she stopped talking altogether. Oliver looks at the stones and Thea stands. Thea: The house got so quiet, so I'd come here. To talk to you. Thea points to the other gravestone. The stone says: OLIVER QUEEN 1985-2007 A loving son and brother, whose light was dimmed far too soon. Thea: I mean, stupid stuff. Like what I was doing that day, what boy I had a crush on... And then sometimes, I'd ask you, beg you, to find your way home to me. Now, here you are. And the truth is, I felt closer to you when you were dead. Look, I know it was hell where you were. But it was hell here too. You gotta let me in, Ollie. You gotta let someone in. Thea walks away. Camera shows Oliver's gravestone again. INT. LAUREL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Laurel is sitting in a chair, leaning over her laptop. (KNOCK ON DOOR) (MUSIC PLAYING) (KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK) Laurel answers the door and sees Oliver. She isn't happy. Oliver: Hi. Are you okay? There are two cop cars outside. Laurel: How am I supposed to stay away from you if you won't stay away from me? Oliver: I... Laurel: What are you doing here, Ollie? Oliver: My sister took... She pointed out to me that I have been distant since I got back and that... It would probably be a good idea if I let somebody in. Laurel: So, you thought you'd start with the first person you pushed away. Oliver: I did that to protect you. And then I saw you yesterday, and I realized that I hurt you. (Laurel SIGHING) Laurel steps aside, letting Oliver into her apartment. Oliver: Thank you. They walk around the apartment. Oliver: Wow. This place hasn't changed in five years. (CHUCKLING) Laurel (frustrated): I haven't really had time to redecorate. Oliver: I'm a jerk. Before the island, I was a jerk. And now I'm just a... I'm a damaged jerk. Laurel: What's in the bag? Oliver swings the brown paper bag in his hand. Oliver: I thought about many things on the island, but there was one thing that I thought about every day. I actually dreamed about it, and I promised myself that if I ever got a chance to do it again, I'd do it with you. Oliver holds up a tub of ice cream. Oliver: Eat ice cream. Oliver sits on the floor and Laurel sits on her couch eating ice cream. He puts the ice cream on the table. Oliver: This is as good as I remember. My mother wants me to join the company. Laurel smirks. Oliver: Yeah. Take my rightful place. Laurel: I can't exactly picture you as master of the universe. Oliver: You know, after five years, I have plans. I have things that I have to do. I can't do that if I'm... I don't know... Attending board meetings and stockholder briefings. Laurel: Oliver? You're an adult. You can say no. Oliver: Oh, I tried. Didn't take. Laurel: Well, then don't tell her. Show her. Be the person that you want her to see you as. Trust me. I have plenty of experience with disapproving parents. Oliver: I have been on the receiving end of your father's disapproval. Laurel: He blames himself more than he blames you. He thinks that, you know, maybe if he and Sara were closer, she would have told him about the boat trip. And he could have stopped her from going with you. Oliver: I am sorry. Laurel: You apologized already. Oliver: And it'll never be enough. (THUD) Oliver: Did you hear that? Laurel: What? (SOFT FOOTSTEP) Oliver takes a butter knife and stands up. Oliver: There's someone on the fire escape. Laurel: Wh-What? Oliver grabs Laurel's hand and starts running with her. Oliver: Hey, come on... Come on! They run toward the door and a man breaks through the door with a machine gun into Laurel's apartment. Oliver pulls Laurel the other way. (MACHINE GUN FIRING) (LAUREL SCREAMS) Another man crashes in through Laurel's bedroom window. (GUNSHOTS) The woman from the warehouse enters and puts her fists up for a fight. (GUN CLICKS) (GUNSHOTS) One of the men with guns is shot. The woman runs. Diggle enters and shoots another man. The woman knocks the gun from Diggle's hands and they fight. (BOTH GRUNTING) Oliver is struggling with whether or not to help or keep his skills secret. Oliver leaves Laurel and runs into the kitchen for a knife. The woman pins Diggle and raises her hand to stab him. Oliver throws his knife and knocks the woman's knife away. The woman gets up and runs out of the apartment. Laurel runs into Oliver's arms. Diggle stands and gets his gun. Diggle: Are you hurt? Oliver: No. Diggle (yelling): Are you hurt, Mr. Queen? Oliver: No! No. Diggle: This is why it's a good idea to have a bodyguard. (SIRENS BLARING) Oliver (softly): Hey, you okay? (SIREN WAILING) INT. LAUREL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Several cops and medics are in the apartment. Diggle, Laurel and Oliver stand watching. Quentin walks in. Quentin and Laurel hug. Laurel: Daddy! Quentin: Oh, thank God. Thank God. Are you all right? Laurel: I'm okay. Those cops that you put on me... (Quentin SIGHING) Quentin: They... Diggle: I went outside to ask for a light, and they were both dead in the squad car. Laurel covers her mouth in tears. Quentin: It's okay. Mr. Diggle, thank you. Feel free to run as many red lights in the city as you want. Diggle: I was just doing my job, sir. Quentin: No, your job is protecting him. (to Oliver) It seems like whenever you're with one of my daughters, people die. You stay away from Laurel, or I swear the next time you disappear, it will be permanent. Laurel: Dad! Quentin: No, Laurel... Oliver: It's okay. I understand. Quentin: Yeah. Laurel. INT. QUEEN MANSION - NIGHT Oliver tosses a towel to Diggle and starts walking away. Diggle stands and walks after Oliver. Oliver: I'd say thank you, but I don't think that would cover it. Diggle: Well, like I told your cop friend, I was just doing my job. Besides, I think it should be you that I'm thanking. Oliver stops and turns around with a fake confused look. Oliver: What for? Diggle: The knife. Oliver: The knife. I got lucky. Diggle: That was a kitchen knife. It wasn't even weighted properly, yet you threw it with accuracy across a 10-foot room. Oliver: Exactly. I got lucky. Diggle: I'm not the kind of man you want to take for a fool, Mr. Queen. You understand me? Oliver: Yes. Diggle: And I think I'm just beginning to understand the kind of man you are. Oliver: Shouldn't take you very long. I'm shallow. And very tired, so... Good night. Diggle (smirking): Good night, sir. INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT Oliver is dressed as Arrow in his warehouse. He is putting on his gloves. Oliver (voiceover): I wanted to give Martin Somers the chance to confess and face a court's justice, but he chose to go after someone I care about instead. Arrow puts on his belt and quiver. Arrow flips on his hood. Oliver: He's still going to face justice. Arrow opens a crate and takes out his bow. Oliver: It'll just be a different kind. INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT Somers is packing files with another man in the room. Somers: Triad bitch screwed up the hit on Lance. Now, the Triad is gonna erase every ounce of evidence of their smuggling operation, including me. Except that's not gonna happen. Tell Wallace to get the boat ready. I'm leaving tonight. Man (on radio): Wallace? Wallace, you copy? Wallace? Arrow (on radio): Wallace isn't here. But I am. Somers: We need to move, now. Move! Man: Sir, we've got six men up there. Somers: It's not enough. Move it! INT. LAUREL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Quentin: You're gonna go back into that courtroom tomorrow, and you're gonna recuse yourself from this case, all right? Or drop it. Either way, you're done. Laurel: If you think I'm gonna abandon Emily Nocenti, then you don't know me all that well. Quentin: You don't know me well, young lady. I will lock you in a cell if that's what it takes. Laurel stands up. Laurel: Well, I guess that's what it's gonna take then. Quentin: Damn it, Laurel! I thought after what happened with Sara, you'd stop being just so reckless. Laurel: It's not about being reckless! It's just the opposite. I'm trying to make this city safer, just like you. Quentin: Sweetie. You're my only daughter, Laurel. You're all I have left to live for. Laurel: But what you want from me isn't living. Having cops around, not being able to do my job. Quentin: Your job is not going after people like the Triad or Somers. Laurel: My job is to use the law to fight for what is right. Just like you taught me. Quentin: Well, that's dirty: using me against me. You can't do that. Laurel: Well... Maybe I picked that up along the way, too. (Quentin LAUGHS) (CELL PHONE RINGING) Quentin (into phone): Lance. Man on phone: Sir, we got a report from the warfside, Somers Imports. Quentin: I'll be right there. (hangs up phone) I gotta go. Something's going on at the docks. INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT (MACHINE GUN FIRING) Arrow shoots an arrow into a man. He jumps along the high metal beams and jumped to the ground, crouching. Arrow shoots another man. A third man rounds the corner with a machine gun and Arrow jumps over the side of a fence in the warehouse. Arrow shoots another man and runs toward a fifth, shooting him. He runs down stairs and nocks another arrow. He shoots another man, who falls off of a ledge. Arrow sees Somers run into a different warehouse. Arrow: Somers! INT. DIFFERENT WAREHOUSE - NIGHT (Somers PANTING) Arrow enters the warehouse. (Somers YELLING) Arrow shoots an arrow into a wooden crate next to Somers' head. (ARROW THUDS) (Somers GROANING) Somers (yelling): Oh, God, no, no, no. Arrow: He can't help you. Arrow shoots another arrow onto the other side of Somers' head. Arrow (yelling[i]): I want the truth about Victor Nocenti. Somers ([i]stuttering): I can't. The Triad will kill me. Arrow: The Triad's not your concern right now. Arrow shoots another arrow between Somers' legs. (WHIMPERING LOUDLY) Somers: All right, all right, all right. (shakily) It wasn't me that killed him. It was the Triad. Arrow: Acting on whose instructions? Arrow shoots again above Somers' head. (Somers SCREAMING) Arrow (yelling): Whose? Somers: All right, all right. It was mine. It was mine, all right? Nocenti said he was gonna testify against me. Arrow turns around and sees the Woman that attacked in Laurel's apartment. Woman (in foreign language): Move away from him. Arrow (in same foreign language): Make me. Arrow and the Woman fight. They both are very skilled. (GRUNTING) (SIRENS APPROACHING) Woman knocks Arrow to the ground. Policeman (over megaphone): This is the police. Drop your weapons. Arrow and the Woman run in opposite directions. Policeman (over megaphone): You are surrounded. Come out with your hands in the air. Arrow runs outside and climbs over a storage unit. He starts to run and stops at the click of a gun. Quentin (pointing gun): Freeze! You twitch and you're dead. Bow down, hands up. Arrow grabs an arrow from his leg sheath and throws it at Quentin. Quentin drops his gun. (SIRENS WAILING) (GRUNTS) Quentin stumbles back and looks around to see no trace of the Arrow, other than a blinking arrow holding his gun to the storage unit. Quentin presses a button on the blinking arrow. (RECORDING REWINDING) (RECORDING PLAYS) Somers: All right, all right. It was mine. It was mine, all right? Nocenti said he was gonna testify against me. Quentin (looking around): You son of a bitch. (SIRENS WAILING) INT. OLIVER'S WAREHOUSE - DAY Arrow puts his bow away. Oliver (voiceover): Laurel was right. I can't be the Oliver my mother wants me to be and still keep the promise I made to my father. Arrow starts taking off his outfit. Oliver (voiceover): I have to be the person I need them to see me as. EXT. ROBERT QUEEN MEMORIAL APPLIED SCIENCES CENTER - DAY Tommy: Oh! Excuse me, ladies. (walking up to Laurel) Okay, this is a surprise. Did you show up here by mistake? Laure: By invitation. Oliver invited me last night. Tommy: Last night? Laurel: Is that surprise or jealousy I'm hearing? Tommy: Look, I just don't want him to find out anything, okay? Oliver has been through a lot. Laurel: Tommy, we've all been through a lot. Walter: Good afternoon. And thank you all for coming. Welcome to the future site of the Robert Queen Memorial Applied Sciences Center. Everyone applauds. Walter: Now, this is a building that will stand as a monument to the man whose company and vision are his greatest legacies. Oliver: Whoa! Whoa! Oliver walks over and takes a drink of champagne. Oliver: What about me? Right? I'm a legacy. Hey! Thanks for warming them up, Walt. (grunts and gets onto stage) All right. Ow! Fine, fine shovel. I got it. Oliver takes the shovel from Walter and almost drops it. Oliver: Whoa! Ow! Woman: He must be drunk. Oliver (whispering): I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I got it. I got it. Oliver leans into the microphone. Oliver: Some of you may not know me. My name is Oliver Queen. Watch some television, read a newspaper, I'm kind of famous right now. Mostly, though, I'm famous because I'm Robert Queen's son. Uh, but as Walter, who's my new dad... Huh? Who is... Sorry. As Walter was saying, I'm not much of a legacy, per se. Walter: Oliver, you don't have to do this. Oliver: No, sit. Sit! Gosh. See, I was supposed to come here today, and I'm supposed to take my rightful place at the company. Prodigal son returns home and becomes the heir apparent. But I'm not my father. I'm not the man he was. I'm not half the man he was. I never will be. So, please, stop asking me to be. Oliver sticks shovel into dirt and walks off stage. Thea watches in shock and Moira puts her head down. Diggle follows Oliver away. (CAMERAS CONTINUE CLICKING) INT. LAW FIRM - DAY Laurel, Emily Nocenti, and Lawyer watch the news report. Newscaster: Martin Somers, the CEO of Starling Port, was arrested last night for the murder of Victor Nocenti. He is also being accused of accepting cash, including over $10 million in bribes. Lawyer turns off TV. Lawyer: Well, we can pursue the civil suit if you want, but the D.A. now has no choice, with Mr. Somers' confession, to prosecute him. Laurel: He's going to jail, Emily. For the rest of his life. Emily Nocenti: Thank you so much for fighting for us. Laurel: Well, thank you for being brave enough to let me. Emily Nocenti walks away and Quentin enters. Quentin: Hey. Laurel: I thought I didn't need police protection anymore. Quentin: I thought I didn't need a reason to see my own daughter. Laurel: You don't. Hmm. You look tired. Quentin: Yeah, I was filling out reports on the shootout at the port last night and getting grilled about how I let that archer get away. Laurel: I have to admit, I'm kind of glad he did. He brought down Martin Somers. Quentin: He hurt a bunch of people doing it, okay? He is no hero. He is an anarchist. Laurel: Yeah, well, whoever he is, it seems like he's trying to help. Quentin: The city doesn't need that kind of help, okay? It's like I always told you, you don't need to go outside the law to find justice. Now I believe that. All right? And I promise you, when I catch this guy, (voiceover) he's gonna believe it, too. INT. QUEEN MANSION - DAY Oliver sits at his desk with his father's book. He crosses off "Martin Somers." FLASHBACK Oliver carries his dad's body over rocks. (PANTING) (GROANS) He lays his dad's body on the ground and sees the book in his dad's pocket. He opens the book to see blank pages, aside from a circular design on the inside of the front cover. END FLASHBACK EXT. BRIDGE - DAY A limo pulls up next to a silver car. Moira gets out of the car and into the limo. Moira: Well, you saw for yourself. My son knows nothing. Robert didn't tell him anything that could hurt us. And he has no idea that the yacht was sabotaged. Camera shows the other person holding a book with the same circular design. EXT. QUEEN MANSION - DAY Oliver looking at gravestones with two workers behind him and Diggle standing by the car. Oliver kneels in front of his father's stone with the book in hand. Oliver: All that time on the island, plotting my return, I didn't realize how hard it would be. To reconnect with Mom, Thea, Laurel. Okay, I didn't... I didn't know how painful it would be to keep my secrets. You asked me to save the city. To right your wrongs. I will. I swear. But to do that, I can't be the Oliver that everyone wants me to be, which means that sometimes... To honor your wishes... I need to dishonor your memory. I'm sorry. Oliver stands and sighs, walking toward the car. Oliver: Take it down. The workers walk toward the gravestones. Diggle: Will you be going out tonight, sir? Oliver: Definitely. FLASHBACK Oliver picks up a rock and puts it on the grave he made for his father. (ARROW THUDS) A handmade arrow goes through Oliver's right shoulder. (SCREAMING) (GROANING LOUDLY) Oliver looks around and sees someone in a green hood standing on the rocks by the water. The person puts another arrow on their bow and aims. Oliver: No, no... ~CREDITS~
doc_138	Michael: Oh hey, Kevin, nice of you to join us, where were you? Kevin: My tire blew out on the way here, Michael. Michael: Huh? Kevin: I almost died. I... I went into this skid--- Michael: Pop quiz. Kevin: ...What? Michael: Why is today a special day? Kevin: I almost died. Michael: Today's a special day, because I am being honored as a... visiting... professor, special lecturer, emeritus... how did you, how did you... Ryan: You will be a guest speaker... in my Emerging Enterprises class. Michael: In business school, Kevin. Business school. Kevin: Wow. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: If you bring your boss to class, it automatically bumps you up a full letter grade. So... I'd be stupid not to do it, right? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handell. Mr. Handell would hang out with us, and he would tell us awesome jokes. And he actually hooked up with one of the students. Um... and then like twelve other kids came forward. It was in all the papers. ... Really ruined eighth grade for us. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Here we go. College Roadshow. Gotta bring our... A game. What was the most inspiring thing I've ever said to you? Dwight: "Don't be an idiot." Changed my life. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Will they throw their hats, you think? Ryan: What? Michael: A lot of times, at a... school, or naval academy, after a rousing speech, the crowd would throw its hats high into the air. Ryan: Y-You understand nobody's graduating. Michael: Yeah, I know, I know. I'm just saying if they did throw their hats I've got a great line for that: "May your hats fly as high as your dreams." ... That was a pretty good line. Ryan: ...It doesn't apply. Michael: I understand! Wow. Relax, spazzy boy. Sometimes you're such a little spaz! [pokes Ryan] Whoa, hey! Ryan: Quit it! Michael: We have fun. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: I can't for your art show tonight. Pam: Okay, just so you know, it's just the students from my class in a little studio. Roy: I-I wouldn't miss it for the world. Pam: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm really happy to be back with Roy. I think it shows maturity. Maturity and dignity. ... Is that braggy? I don't mean it to be braggy. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: Love ya. Pam: You too. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen. And, uh, Brangelina is with Frangelina. Movin' on. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: I can't believe you're back together with Roy! Pam: Oh, yeah! We have such a solid foundation, you know. Kelly: Oh my God. You're so in love now. Pam: Yeah. Oh, you should come to my art show, by the way. Kelly: Oh, art show! Pam: I mean, it's not a big deal, but I think a lot of people from the office will be there. Kelly: ...Oh... yeah. Definitely... I'll be there. For sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Campus. Brings back so many memories. ... That I would have made. Hey. Frisbee. Check that out. Aww! What do you say we get our Fris on before class? [runs over, throws frisbee] Whoo! College Student: ....Dude. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: ...Oh my God. Animal stool. [jumps on desk] Pam: Dwight, what are you doing? Dwight: Solving a mystery, if that's quite alright with you. [opens ceiling tile] Come to Papa. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a bird that has been trapped in a vent. Fortunately I have found it befo--BAT! BAAAT! BAT! Karen: Oh my God! Dwight: BAAAAT! BAT! NO! EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! There it goes! Stanley: Goooood bye. Angela: [on ground] ... Please don't let that stupid thing near me... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Okay, this is it. Ryan is doing my intro right now. Ryan: ...Dunder-Mifflin can't compete with the modern chains, and management is unwilling, or unable, to adapt. Their customers are dying off... Michael: I can't hear what he's saying, but he looks like he's really into it. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: We have... a bat... in the office. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: The simple solution would be to open a window... if we had... windows that could open. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Okay. Thanks. [hangs up phone] Animal control will be here at six. Dwight: At Six?! No, that is unacceptable. Okay, Jim, you are the number two in this office. You need to step up and show some leadership. Jim: I'm sorry what did you say? So wierd... Dwight: What? What's so wierd? Jim: The bat, I mean, I know I felt it bite me, but look. There's no mark. I feel so... tingly... so strangely powerful... [shrugs] Oh well. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: And now, without further ado, I present the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton, Michael Scott. Michael: Hello everyone, I am Michael Scott. And I would like to start today by inspiring you. May I borrow someone's textbook, please? Thank you. What have we here? Ooh. Economics. Very, very interesting. [rips pages out of book] You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons, and then, you will have... a book... that is worth its weight in gold. [gives book back] I know these are expensive, um, but the lesson is priceless. Good. Alright. I think you're inspired. Shall we proceed? There are four kinds of business: Tourism. Food service. Railroads, and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [sighs] This is your job, Halpert. Jim: Ow! Karen: Oh, what happened? Jim: That bread on your desk? I just picked it up. It's white hot. Karen: But Jim, this garlic bread is cold. Jim: What? ... No. It burned me. I... bizarre. Dwight: No... no. One crisis at a time. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a "sylvania." Like PENN-sylvania. Now that doesn't mean that Jim is going to become a vampire. Only that he carries the vampiric germ. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So, you wanna start a business. How do you start? What do you need? Well, first of all, you need a building. And secondly, you need supply. You need something to sell. Now this could be anything. It could be... a... thingamajig. Or a... a whosi-whatsi. Or... [pulls out a candy bar] a Whatchamacallit [throws bar]. Now, you need to sell those in order to have a PayDay [takes out a PayDay, throws it]. And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a 100 Grand [throws 100 Grand bar]. [pulls out a Snickers] Satisfied? [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Oh, this looks great. I'd, I'd love to be there, but my daughter's play is tonight. ... Damnit! You know, one of the other parents will probably videotape it. Pam: Oh! No, you should go. Toby: Well, it's important to support local art, you know. And what they do is not art. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Okay, I'm seeing some confused... faces out there. Let me slow down a little bit. Break this down. Okay. The more stickers you sell, the more profit, fancy word for money, you have to buy PlayStations and Beanie Babies. Ryan: Michael. Michael: ...And products! Ryan: What we normally do here is more of a question and answer thing. Michael: Well... okay, I was just kind of getting it going. Um, alright. Well, okay, we can do questions. Okay. Very good. First hand up. Business Student #1: Sir, as a company that primary distributes paper, how have you adapted your business model to function in an increasingly paperless world? Michael: We can't overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny emails. But real business is done on paper, okay? Write that down. [everyone types on their laptops] [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Hey Jim, here's the aspirin you wanted. Jim: Oh, thank God. I have such a headache from that glare. Karen: What glare? Jim: The glare off Angela's crucifix? It's blinding. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Extraordinary events call for extraordinary actions. We form an allegiance-- Creed: Sure. Dwight: --to use sudden violence. Creed: Okay. Dwight: Do you have the tools to turn a wooden mop handle into a stake? Creed: What size? [SCENE_BREAK] Business Student #2: What do you say to a customer who wants to leave you for the convenience and savings of a nationwide chain? Michael: ...I say you will miss our service, and I absolutely guarantee you'll come back. Business Student #2: Has anyone ever come back? Michael: ...We don't want them back, 'cause they're... stupid. Business Student #3: How far has your Herfindahl index declined since the merger? Michael: Nice try, how's your Pollack-says-what index? Business Student #3: ...What? Michael: Thanks, Kowalsky. Um, can we get on track here? Business Student #1: By your own employee's calculation you'll be obsolete in the next five to ten years. Michael: ...Wait, Ryan said that? [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: What are you doing? You'd better not hurt that little bat. Creed: Animals can't feel pain. Kelly: Don't hurt that bat, Creed! It's a living thing with feelings and a family! Dwight: Flush him towards the door. On my go... NOW! Kelly: AHH! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IIIT! Kevin: [locks bat in break room] I... am a hero! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yeah sure, you know business, sitting up here in your ivory tower. And your ebony tower. You know what? Tell you one thing, Dunder-Mifflin is here to stay. Business Student #2: But how can you compete against a company with the resources of a nationwide chain? Michael: David will always beat Goliath. Business Student #1: But there's five Goliaths, there's... Staples, Officemax... Michael: Yeah, yeah. You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda, global warming, s*x predators... mercury poisoning. So do we just give up? Is that what we're learning in business school? Business Student #1: But in the big picture... Michael: Dunder-Mifflin is the big picture! Can't you understand that? No, you can't. You're too young. Ryan... has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he's a tease. Well you know what? He doesn't know anything, and neither do you. [walks out] SO SUCK ON THAT! [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: ...It wasn't personal. Michael: Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world. When we get back to the office, pack your things. Ryan: Pack my--? Michael: You heard me, pack your things. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: I really want to come out! Creed: Good night, Mary Beth! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So... you're cool to just wait here for animal control? Dwight: Animal control? I've been controlling animals since I was six. Jim: Cool. Okay. I'm gonna go home and lie down, draw the shades... there's just so much sun in here... bye Dwight. Dwight: Goodbye Jim. And good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Jim is on a path now. An eternal journey, and I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm. Specifically, in the kitchen. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: ...And it's all from the same series. Woman: Oh. Pam: Called 'Impressions.' Woman: Oh. Pam: Not that I call myself an impressionist, per se. Woman: Maybe one day. Pam: I hope so. Woman: Mmm. Pam: I still need... you know, my breakthrough, or whatever. [Woman leaves, Roy enters] Hey, babe, how are you? Roy: Good. Alright I brought my brother, huh? Pam: Hey, Kenny. Kenny: Hey Pam. Roy: How 'bout this, huh? I show up with my brother, and, no one from work is here? That's... pretty cool, huh? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Magic time. Gyeeeaahhh! [puts bag over Meredith's head] Meredith: Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Get off! Get off me! Get off me! Dwight: Hold still, woman! Meredith: Get off me! Get it off! Ahhhh! Dwight: ...[captures bat in bag] ... You're welcome. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: It's cool if I go, right? I mean, I looked at all of them. Pam: Yeah, I'll just, I'll drive myself home. Roy: To my place? Pam: Maybe, I'm a little tired. Roy: Your art.. was the prettiest art of... all art. Pam: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was just trying to do my presentation, and... of course, I was wrong to suggest that Dunder-Mifflin might ever go out of business. But you don't have to fire me. Michael: Fire you? No, no no. You are moving... to the annex. Ryan: To the annex? Where... Kelly is? Michael: A good manager doesn't fire people. He hires people and inspires people. ... People, Ryan. And people will never go out of business. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: You're the one who said we needed more culture. Gil: This is culture to you? Oscar: It's her first try. Gil: Yeah, on Van Gogh's first try, he drew the hands of the peasants. Oscar: Meaning what? Gil: Meaning, real art takes courage, okay? And honesty. Oscar: Well, those aren't Pam's strong points. Gil: Yeah, exactly. That's why this is... motel art. [SCENE_BREAK] Artist: Thanks for coming. Michael: Pam-casso! Sorry I'm late, I had to race across town. Pam: Oh, Michael. Michael: Wow! You did these... freehand? Pam: Yep. Michael: My God, these could be tracings! Ohh! Look at this one. Wow! You nailed it. [sighs] ... How much? Pam: What do you mean? Michael: I don't see a... price. Pam: Um... you wanna buy it? Michael: Well, yeah. Yeah, we have to have it for the office. I mean, there's my... window, and there's my car! That your car? Pam: Uh-huh. Michael: That is our building... and we sell paper. ... I am really proud of you. Pam: [hugs Michael] ... Thank you. Michael: What? Pam: Do you have something in your pocket? Michael: ...Chunky. Do you want half? Pam: No thank you. Michael: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It is... a message. It is an inspiration, it is... a source of beauty. And without paper, it could not have happened. Unless, you had a camera. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God... Ryan: It's only temporary, okay? Don't get excited. Kelly: I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't...
doc_139	ACT ONE Scene One - KACL Frasier's on air at KACL and he's running out of time. But Roz still hands him over to his next caller. Frasier: Well, we've got about thirty seconds. I think we've got time for one quick call. [presses button] Hello, Marlene, I'm listening. Marlene: [v.o.] Oh my God, I'm really on? Frasier: Yes, your problem, please... Marlene: [dog barking] Lucky, Lucky, get down. George, get the dog! [Roz points urgently at the clock] Oh my God, this is so exciting! [baby crying] Honey, honey, get the baby. George, get your son! OK, OK, here it is, Dr. Crane: if my husband and I don't find some time to have sx soon, I think I'm gonna burst. I may even have to go to a department store and pick up a stranger. [man calling "Hello!"] Oh, kids! Look who's here without calling first, Nana and Pop Pop! [sighs] I'll call you back. [hangs up] Frasier: Well, to all you Marlenes out there, may I suggest that sx with a stranger is not the answer. Why don't you just pack the kids off with Nana and Pop Pop, lock Lucky downstairs in the basement, grab your husband, take him to the sturdiest kitchen table you have, and let the postman ring twice! Now, to the rest of my listeners, I'll be off on vacation for the next week, so please tune in to my replacement, the noted podiatrist, Dr Garreth Wooten, who'll be discussing the virtues of his new book, "Bunions and Blisters and Corns," Oh My! He pushes the off-air button; Roz enters the booth. Roz: I hate it when that weird foot freak subs for you. Couldn't you just have Frederick come and visit you here? Frasier: Sorry Roz, the taxi's waiting outside to take me to the airport. Roz: Oh well, have a great time. Frasier: Oh, thanks. [hugs Roz] Roz: And don't forget to bring me a present! Frasier: I'll get you a nice T-shirt from Colonial Williamsburg. Roz: You're taking Frederick to Williamsburg? Eeew! Frasier: No, it's a wonderful vacation spot! We're going to dip candles, tan leather, churn butter... Roz: Hey, Frederick Crane, you just finished the first grade, what are you going to do now? [with wide-eyed innocence] I'm going to Butterworld! Frasier makes a face and leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Martin is reading the paper in his Armchair and gets an idea when Daphne comes in with the laundry. Martin: Hey Daphne, bring that laundry over here, will you? Daphne: What for? Martin: Well, I was just reading about an intelligence test you can give your dog. You throw a towel over its head and see how long it takes him to shake it off. [calling] Eddie! Eddie scampers in. As Daphne watches with amusement, Martin takes a small dish towel and throws it over his head. Daphne: Oh, and the faster he takes the towel off, the smarter he is? Martin: [sarcastic] No, the faster he folds it. All right, they ranked all the dogs and the smartest was a border collie; he did it in seven seconds. [starts timing] All right, come on boy, take it off. [Eddie doesn't move] Six... seven. OK, the next fastest one was a poodle, I know he's as smart as a poodle. [counts off on his watch] OK, so he's no poodle... he's not a beagle either... or a German shepherd... or a Labrador. Oh, for God's sake, Eddie! Daphne: Yes, well, if you ask me, he's refusing to do that trick because he knows if he does it right, you'll have him doing it every time we have company. Martin: Hey, I'll bet you're right! [takes the towel off and shakes a finger at Eddie] Nice going, Eddie! The doorbell rings. Daphne opens it to Niles. Daphne: Oh, hello, Dr. Crane. Niles: I appreciate the false cheer, Daphne. But I'm sure you've seen this? [holds up newspaper] Today's society page? Martin: [covering his ears] Don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me! I'm saving it for after dinner! Niles: Apparently Maris is going on a three-week cruise. Her friends threw her a bon voyage party. Look at the photo. It's Maris on the arm of Pierson Broadwater. Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, look! She's just standing there, barely touching him, with only the tiniest bit of a smile on her face! Niles: I know, you can practically hear the zing zing zing of her heartstrings! Daphne: [sympathetically] Oh, Dr Crane... [goes to the kitchen] Martin: Sorry, Niles. Niles: Oh, it gets worse. This morning I spoke to Marta, my ex-maid and current mole. She reports that Broadwater is just the latest in a parade of escorts. The gigolos are swarming around Maris like ants on a Snickers bar! Martin: Well, wait a minute, that's good news. If she's seeing a whole bunch of people, that means she's not serious about any one of them. Niles: You think? Martin: Yeah, sure! They're probably just her escorts. You know how she loves going to parties. Niles: Yes, and she never liked going anywhere alone. Except to bed. Martin: More good news. And Niles, it wouldn't hurt you to go out a little bit every once in a while too. Niles: If you're suggesting that I start dating, you can save your breath. Women don't exactly find me irresistible. Martin: Oh, come on, Niles, you've had lots of girlfriends. Niles: Oh, let's count. There's Maris... oh no, Dora, my childhood pen pal from Costa Rica... I seem to recall a little girl in the fourth grade who lured me to a stairwell to show me her underpants. Martin: You know, Niles, I think your problem is you still picture yourself as the same geeky kid you were in high school. But you've come a long way since then. And you're not doing yourself any favours sitting home every night. Now just think about it. Niles sinks back in the couch and whines pathetically. Daphne enters from the kitchen with a bottle of wine in hand. Daphne: Wine, Dr. Crane? Niles: Well, wouldn't you? [SCENE_BREAK] HE WAS A BAND LEADER MARRIED TO CHARO Scene Three - Apartment Daphne and Martin are going up in the lift. Eddie is on leash. Martin's a little frustrated after some park trauma. Daphne: Oh, give it up, the man had every right to be proud of his dog. Martin: Well, I just don't like show-offs, OK? [sarcastic] "Ginger, catch the frisbee. Ginger, roll over. Ginger, do my taxes!" Daphne: Just because Eddie's not good at tricks... Martin: The hell he isn't! He just likes the kind that gives him a chance to use his brain! Eddie's a thinker! The lift doors open onto their floor. Martin and Daphne step off. Martin: Just watch this. Open the door for him. [Daphne does] Now, I've been teaching him the names of all his chew toys. [gives the command] Eddie, get your banana. Eddie stays in the elevator, staring. Martin: Now he's thinking, "which one's the banana?" [still not moving] Now he's thinking, "what the heck did I do with my banana?" The elevator doors slide shut. Daphne: Now he's thinking, "which one's the emergency button?" Martin frantically punches the lift button; the doors open. Martin: Come on! Eddie scampers off, and follows Martin and Daphne into the apartment. Niles is standing in the living room with a glass of wine. Daphne: Oh, Dr Crane! Niles: Hello. I let myself in, I hope that's all right. Martin: Fine. What's up? Niles: Oh, I just stopped by to ask you a question. Are you free Saturday night? Martin: Sure! Niles: [gleefully] Well, I'm not! I have a date! Martin: Oh! Daphne: Oh! Bravo, Dr. Crane! Martin: Good for you! Who is she? Niles: Marjorie Nash, the "Fruit On The Bottom" yogurt heiress. I bumped into her at the Frye museum. Before I knew it, your advice was thundering in my ears. I found myself asking her out. We'll be attending our club's annual winter dance, the "Snow Ball!" Martin: Good for you! Daphne: What's she like? Niles: Well, she's terribly haughty and rumours persist about her husband's death. But still, a date's a date! Daphne: Snow Ball? Sounds very glamourous. Martin: I didn't know you could dance! Niles: Oh, I can't. Martin and Daphne look at him, alarmed. Niles: Oh, dear. You don't think she'll want me to? I've taken Maris to dozens of these things, she's never once asked to dance... of course, Maris dislikes public displays of rhythm. Oh, this is terrible! My first date's a miserable failure before it even begins. [reaches for his phone] I'll just have to cancel. Daphne: All you need are a few dancing lessons. Why, I'd be happy to give you some. Niles: You would? Daphne: Yeah! Growing up, I used to practise all the time with my brother Billy - the ballroom dancer? Niles: I couldn't prevail upon you like that, it would be too much trouble. [beat] We'll have to move this! He slides the coffee table against the couch. Niles: OK, now push the chair back [shoves ineffectively at it] Or not. Daphne drags it easily out of the way. As they take their positions, Martin settles at the dinner table to watch them. Daphne: Alright, we'll start with the box step. Niles: Box step... Daphne: It's very simple. Take my hand like so, and your other hand goes around my waist. [Niles does] Now, start with your left foot. Niles: OK, which one? Daphne: Oh, hush! Step towards me, then bring your right foot forward-and-over, and slide the left over to meet it. Then the right foot goes back, the left back-and-over, and the right slides next to it. And that's it! All right, once again. A one-two- [he steps on her foot] Oh! Niles: Sorry. Daphne: -three, a two-two-three, a three-two-three, a four-two three... Niles: [struggling and staring at his feet] This is boring yet difficult. Martin: Aw, there's no trick to dancing. It's just a matter of coordination. Hell, if you can ride a bike, or skip rope, or kick a ball, you can certainly... He pauses, looks at Niles, gets up and leaves. Niles rolls his eyes. Daphne: Alright, once again. A one-two-[he steps on her foot again] Oh!-three... The scene FADES OUT... Scene Four - Apartment ...and fades back in later on in the evening. "Isn't It Romantic," is playing on the stereo and Niles and Daphne are dancing a slow waltz, with his head resting on her shoulder. Niles seems to have gotten the hang of it. Daphne: You're really doing very well, Dr. Crane. Earlier you seemed a bit tense. You've really relaxed now though, haven't you? Cut to Niles's face: he's in a dream world of his own. Martin comes in. Martin: Hey, you two are looking pretty sharp. The music ends, and Niles finishes by giving Daphne a graceful twirl. Daphne: Well, I think we're ready to move on to the samba. [to Eddie] Eddie, fetch me a samba tape. Xavier Cougat. [Eddie just stares] Now he's thinking, "the later Hollywood stuff, or the early New York recordings?" [Niles and Daphne laugh] Martin: Now guess what I'm thinking. Daphne: I'll get it myself. [runs off to her room] Martin: [moving off] Well, I'm going to hit the hay. Niles: [in a rhythm, he acts out his verbs] Good-night -- bend-and- turn - see-you-in-the-morning - spin-and-dip -- [cell phone rings] there's-my-phone -- flip-and-push - Niles-Crane. [loses rhythm into the phone:] Oh, Marjorie. How are you? Oh, what a shame. Well, er, no no it's alright, there'll be other dances. No, no, I understand completely. Take care. [flips his phone shut] Guess I won't be needing those dancing lessons. Martin: [sympathetically] I guess not. I'm sorry, son. Martin leaves for his room, Daphne comes running back in with a tape. Daphne: I couldn't find any Cougie, but this'll do! She pops the tape into the stereo. A fast Latin beat plays. Daphne: Alright now, in the samba you have to hold me a little closer. You ready? She grabs his hand and starts moving back and forth against him, as if it were almost sexual. Niles: Daphne, there's one thing I wanted to mention... Daphne: Yeah? [dancing more against him] Niles: [entranced] I'm a dancer, a dancer dances! He sways with her with gusto. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO WHERE ELSE WOULD CORONERS GET TOGETHER? Scene Five - Cafe Nervosa Niles is at a table, Martin & Daphne come towards him. Daphne and Niles greet each other with their "pet" names. Daphne: Here's my dancing partner. Hello, Fred! Niles: Hello, Ginger! Daphne: [to Martin] It's a little joke we have! Niles: Look Daphne, I got two new CDs today. Tonight we master the mambo and the conga. I can feel myself growing a pencil-thin moustache just saying that. Martin: You're having more lessons tonight? Daphne: Oh, yes! He's going to be the best dancer at the ball. I'll just go get us some coffees. She goes to the counter. Martin crosses his arms. Martin: Why didn't you tell her your date had cancelled? You don't need more lessons. Niles: I wanted to, but she's just having so much fun! Martin: Come on, Niles, you think I don't see the way you look at Daphne? Niles: What are you implying? Martin: You know damn well what I'm implying. Take my word for it, you're sticking a fork in the toaster here. Niles: Well, my muffin's stuck! Besides, what's the harm in a few dance lessons? Martin: It's nighttime. You're alone. The music's on. You've got your arms around her. You'll end up saying something you can't take back. Niles: I have no intention of saying anything. Martin: No one ever does. Take my word for it. When I was separated from your mother, there was this pretty coroner in the city morgue. I always had a bit of a crush on her. So whenever we'd find a dead body, I'd yell out, "OK boys, I'll take it from here!" So one night, I invited her down to the corner bar. Niles: Coroners have their own bars? Martin: [exasperated] No, corner, Niles, the corner bar! Anyway, we had a few drinks, the lights were low, Sinatra on the jukebox. Before I knew it, it just all came pouring out of me. I told her how I felt. I mean, I knew the second it was out of my mouth that it was a mistake. She let me down easy but we still had to go on seeing each other all the time. It sure was no fun going to the morgue after that! This story seems to have the right effect on Niles. Daphne returns to the table with coffees in hand. Daphne: So, what time are we starting your lessons tonight, Dr. Crane? Niles: Actually, that won't be necessary. I just got a call from Marjorie. Something's come up. I won't be going to the ball. Daphne: Oh. Well, I'm sorry. Niles: It's quite all right, and thank you for all your help. [Martin puts a comforting arm on his shoulder] Daphne: [thoughtfully] It seems such a shame to waste all that hard work... I hope you don't think I'm being too forward, but what would you say about our going to the dance together? Martin: Now, now, he's already taken up too much of your time, Daphne, he couldn't ask you to do that. Daphne: No, but it would be as much fun for me as it would be for him! I'd love an elegant evening out! What do you say, Dr. Crane? Martin: [sure Niles will say no] Tell her what you say, Dr. Crane. Niles: Pick you up at seven? Daphne: [excitedly] Ooh, yes! [claps her hands] Great! Niles looks decidedly contented whilst Martin is appalled. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Six - Frasier's Apartment A few nights later, Eddie comes bounding in, handing Martin one of his chew toys. Martin: No, Eddie that's not your banana, that's Mr. Pig. Listen to the difference: pig, banana! Pig, banana! Pig, banana! [Eddie shows no reaction] Ah, I still love you, you little pinhead. Go sit down. The door opens: Frasier is back from his vacation. Martin: Oh Frasier, am I glad you're back! Listen, all sorts of.... Frasier: Dad, please, please! I have just spent the most wonderful six days with Frederick. I am technically still on vacation till ten a.m. tomorrow. Martin: Yeah, but listen... Frasier: [waving off Martin's protests] Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup! Dad, I do not care to know how hard Daphne made you exercise, or about the boring foreign film Niles made you sit through, or about the progress of Eddie's on-again, off-again romance with the ottoman! Martin: But you don't understand... Frasier: Dad, please! For all intents and purposes, I am not here. The doorbell rings. Daphne rushes out of her room in a ravishing red evening gown. Daphne: [excitedly] That'll be my date! Ooh, I'm so excited, this is me first ball! Oh, I hope he likes my dress... Frasier: Daphne? Daphne: [rushing by Frasier] Hello, Dr. Crane, welcome back! She opens the door to Niles, dressed in a tuxedo and carrying a red rose. Daphne: Hello! Niles: [captivated] Wow! Daphne: Ohhh, [giggles] you! [takes the rose] Frasier: [mystified] Niles? Niles: Oh, Frasier, you're back! [to Daphne] Well, our carriage awaits. Martin: And you'd better get her home at a decent hour, I'm gonna be waiting up for you! Daphne: [laughing] Oh, Mr. Crane! The two leave. Frasier: [dumbstruck] What the hell was that? Martin: [looking around curiously] Eddie, did you hear sumpin'? [heads off towards the kitchen] Can't be Frasier, he's still on vacation! Frasier: [following Martin doggedly] Dad, what was that? Dad, will you stop kidding around? Was that a date? Dad! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Seven - Ballroom And so, Niles and Daphne, arrive at the elegant "Snow Ball." Soft romantic music is being played by the orchestra as the Beautiful couple enter. Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, it's so beautiful! Niles: Just for tonight, could you call me Niles? Daphne: You know, when I was at school I knew a boy named Niles. I called him Niley. Niles: [pause] Just for tonight, could you call me Niles? He steers her toward an empty table. Niles: You're a vision... everyone's staring at you! Daphne: Well, you look awfully handsome yourself... Niles. [sniggers] He sits her at a table. Niles: Would you like some champagne? Daphne: Oh, that would be lovely. Niles: Be back in a moment. He goes to the bar. A haughty woman, Lacey, and her husband, Andrew, are standing there. Niles: Two champagnes, tout de suite. Lacey: Niles, dear! How are you! Niles: Just fine, thanks. Lacey: Andrew, say hello to Niles. Andrew: Haven't seen you for ages. Feel just terrible about you and Maris. Lacey: Oh yes, we were just devastated. Positively everyone's talking about it. Niles: Oh, and how is positively everyone? Daphne comes up behind Niles and listens to the conversation. Lacey: Devastated. We were just saying that to Maris, when we ran into her and Bradley Paxton at the Breever's Cup. Andrew: No, she was with Calvin Oldi at the Breever's Cup. Lacey: Well, it's so hard to keep track anyway. [laughs] Niles, if there's anything we can do to cheer you up? Just let us know... She leaves with Andrew. Niles: [muttering to himself] Perhaps a murder-suicide pact. Daphne: [takes their champagnes from the bartender] Well, they weren't very nice! Niles: Well, everyone in our set seems to have this idea that while Maris is out living the high life, I'm sitting at home, crushed and lonely. Daphne: Yeah, well, never mind those gossipy twits. Tonight, you're all mine. [puts the glasses on the table and opens her arms] Now take me in your arms, Niles, and let the music carry us away... She leads him out onto the dance floor and just as they assume the right position, the conductor turns around. Conductor: Thank you, we'll be back in ten minutes. Sheepish, Daphne and Niles join in the light applause. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Eight Ten minutes' later: Niles & Daphne are waltzing together. As the music ends, he dips her. Daphne: [laughing] I can't remember when I've had a better time. I'm on Cloud Nine! Niles: I'd have to look down to see Cloud Nine! [leads her back to the table] Daphne, I must tell you again, that is an exquisite gown. Daphne: Oh, thanks! It was way out of my price range, but did you ever see something and say, "I just have to have it?" Niles cannot help but gaze longingly at her. Then, out of breath, he starts to sit down. Niles: Where's my chair? The orchestra begins a tango just as Niles sinks into his chair thankfully. Daphne: [gasps] A tango! [stands and grabs his hand] Niles: Oh, you never taught me a tango! Daphne: Oh, you'll love it! It's perfect for you! This is a passionate, full-blooded dance that rose up from the slums of Buenos Aires. Niles: Well, the parallels between me and an unemployed gaucho aside, I think we probably should just sit this one out. Daphne: Oh, nonsense! There's only one rule in the tango: our bodies must be in continuous contact, with not a sliver of daylight between us. [she presses her body close to his] Niles: [overwhelmed] I can do that. She starts to lead him onto the floor, but he hesitates. Daphne: Stop! Don't be afraid! Daphne won't let anything happen to you. Niles: I don't think- Daphne: [grabs his face] Don't think! Just feel. [holds his lapels and seductively pulls him forward] You're an Argentine slum- dweller. You have no house, no car, you don't know where your next meal is coming from. But none of that matters. Because tonight... [they join hands and cast their eyes toward some imaginary moon] we have the tango! Niles: [dips her; in an Argentine accent] Oh mama, I've got it all! They proceed to cross the dance floor in an eye-catching tango step. The conductor notices them and smiles. Daphne: That's it! You're dazzling! You're brilliant! But I feel you're holding back! Niles: I am. Daphne: Oh, this is no time for inhibitions! Niles: I know. Daphne: Oh. let it out Niles. Let everything out! Niles: [passionately] Oh Daphne, I adore you! He spins around so he can't see her and slaps a hand to his mouth in shock. Oops. He spins back around to face her. Daphne: [eyes closed in rapture] I adore you too! Niles: What?!?!? Daphne: I adore you too. Niles: [thrilled] Oh, how I've longed to hear those words! Daphne: Oh, how I've longed to say them! Niles: You're beautiful! You're a goddess! Daphne: I don't ever want this moment to end! Niles: Then let's not let it! By now everyone is watching them and the music is nearing its end. He spins her back and forth across the floor, a passionate whirlwind. He spins her again, and this time she throws her bare leg up on his shoulder. Angle on Andrew and Lacey's table: Andrew is openly gawping at Daphne, while an upstaged Lacey does her best to look indifferent. The music swells to a crescendo, Daphne slides down to position herself next to Niles's thighs, and Niles grips his own lapels like a knight- errant. The music ends. Applause. He pulls her to her feet. Niles: This is the most glorious night of my life. Daphne: Oh, mine too... They kiss, tenderly and strongly. [N.B. Niles and Daphne will not kiss for another four years, at the end of Season Seven.] As they break apart, Niles gives a sly look to Lacey & Andrew as if to say "Ha! I bet Maris hasn't done this!" He leads her back to the table. Daphne is now constantly throwing glances over her shoulder. They sit, and Niles caresses her hand. Niles: Oh, Daphne! I'm a new man! Do you have any idea what I'm feeling? Daphne: Of course I do! Your friends look positively dumbstruck. From now on there'll be no more of that "oh poor Niles" attitude... Niles: Far from it! He kisses her hand reverently; she looks over her shoulder then turns back to him. Daphne: I knew you were a good dancer, but I had no idea you were such a good actor! Niles: [shocked] Actor? Daphne: Yeah! "Daphne, you're a goddess, Daphne, I adore you..." We fooled everyone, didn't we? Niles: [heartbroken] Oh...oh. We certainly did, didn't we? [lets go of her hand] Daphne: I'm surprised it was so easy! Niles: Well, given the right circumstances, anyone can be fooled. The music starts again. Daphne: Ooh! What do you say to another dance? Niles: No thanks, it's getting late and I've danced enough. Daphne: Alright, then! I'll just go powder my nose and then we'll be off. She leaves; Niles sinks down into his chair, dejected. A blonde woman who has been watching Niles comes over. Claire: Niles? [he turns] No, no, please. Claire Barnes? I was an associate in your attorney's office. Niles: Oh, yes, Claire. Uh, it's good to see you again. Claire: Well, I heard about you and Maris. And I just wanted to give you my card and tell you you're free to call me anytime. Niles: [taking it] Oh, thank you, but I'm happy with my attorney. Claire: I meant to go dancing. Niles looks up, surprised. She nods and gives him a warm, come-hither smile. As she moves off, Daphne comes back. Daphne: Well, are you ready? Niles: [looking at the card] No, I don't think I am. [drops it on the table] Daphne: I beg your pardon? Niles: Er, I mean yes. Uh, let's go. She takes his arm, and they start to leave the room. Daphne: Well, we certainly had fun tonight, didn't we? Niles: [laughing wryly] We certainly did. Daphne: And to think you almost didn't come to the ball! You know, it's such a shame when people let fear stop them from trying new things. Niles: [pauses and removes Daphne's arm from his] Excuse me. Turning back to the table, he picks up the card, puts it in his jacket pocket, returns to Daphne's side and offers his arm. He smiles. Niles: I'm ready now. They leave. The music swells up again, as Miss "Cinderella" Moon and Mr. "Handsome Prince" Crane gracefully exit the ball room along with an experience to last for a life time: "Moon Dance" END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Martin is showing Eddie a placard with a sketch of a banana with the word BANANA scrawled across the bottom. Eddie runs offscreen, and returns with a banana. Martin looks very proud and congratulates Eddie. The camera wides, revealing that the entire living room is littered with nothing but bananas.
doc_140	"TAMARA'S RETURN" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Grams: Mary Beth Peil Joey: Kaite Holmes Tamara: Leann Hunley Pacey: Joshua Jackson Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Jen: Michelle Williams Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Andie: Meredith Monroe Jack: Kerr Smith Dawson and Joey are making out outside on a blanket Joey: Dawson... Dawson: What? Joey sits up Dawson: What? Joey: What are we doing? Dawson: What does it look like we're doing? Joey: It's just not working. I mean, I'm freezing and there's bugs. Can't we go somewhere else? Dawson: W...Well...we can't go to my house and we can't go to your house so our options are kind of limited. Joey: I know but I feel too Swiss Family Robinson. I mean, I'm a 20th century girl. We should make out in some music, mood lighting and climate control. Dawson: Where's your sense of romance? We've got gorgeous moonlight shimmering in the water. We've got stars overhead...crickets chirping...we have plenty of trees and if you get cold you've got me to keep you warm. Joey: Dawson... Dawson: What? Joey: You are so cheesy. Dawson: You don't like it? Joey: Are you kidding? I find it unbearably sexy. They start making out again [Opening Credits] Cut to Mitch and Dawson walking down a sidewalk in Capeside Dawson: I was beginning to think this whole restaurant idea of yours was just a [missed phrase]. Mitch: Not if I can find the proper location. And this woman swears that I'm not going to find a better deal than her warehouse. Dawson: Where are you meeting her? Mitch: Right here. She said she'd meet me at 8. Dawson looks up and sees Tamara Jacobs heading towards them Tamara: Dawson. Dawson: surprised Miss Jacobs. Tamara: Well, I'm not your teacher anymore, Dawson, you can call me Tamara. Mitch: Tamara Jacobs, I'm Mitch Leery. We spoke on the phone. Tamara: Yes, Mitch. Hello. Dawson: Are you moving back into town? Tamara: No, I'm just in Capeside for a few days to sell this property. Dawson: Well, I...I should get going to school. Mitch: Yeah. Dawson: Bye Mis--catches himself Tamara. Tamara laughs Cut to Capeside High. Dawson catches up to Pacey Dawson: Pacey, hey! I need to talk to you. Pacey: Let me guess. You and Joey are having another love spat and you want my opinion. Well, here it is. Joey is being sarcastic and oversensitive and you, my friend, are being self-absorbed and self-catering. Dawson: This has nothing to do with Joey and me this has to do with you. Pacey: What? Do I owe you money again? Dawson: No, my dad and I were walking downtown today and we ran into somebody. Pacey: Who? Andie walks up to her locker Pacey: Hey look who the cat dragged in. Andie: Nice to see you too Pacey. Don't worry. I'm just here to get a few books out of my locker then I'll be on my merry way. Pacey: Tell me Dawson, who was it? Dawson: You know we should really talk about this in private. Pacey: God, you know what? I've got to go. If I'm late to Mr. Matick's class again he's going to have an aneurysm. I'll catch up with you after school. Dawson: No, I've got to meet Joey for this art thing. Pacey: Ah, the sacrifices we make for young love, huh? Listen, man, just talk to me later! Cut to Joey and Jack Joey: Hey, Jack. Jack: Hey Jo. Joey: Bad news. Suder(?) called and cancelled on Bessie so we can't open this afternoon but the good news is you have the day off. Jack: Okay, but we could open anyway. Joey: Well, I'd love to but Bessie's at home with the baby and I've got to go to an art lecture after school so there's really no one to cover all the tables. Jack: Well, there's me. I could do it. Joey: You? Inspecter Kleso(sp?)? Jack: What? You don't think I could handle it? Joey: Jack, every since we hired you it's been nothing but a slapstick comedy. I mean, you drop dishes, you misplace orders, you fall all over yourself. Jack: Then why don't you just terminate me if I'm such an incompetent moron? Joey: We don't want to terminate you, Jack. thinks about it Alright, you can open. Bessie will be relieved and it will be like a test run. Just, uh, don't set the kitchen on fire or anything...okay? Jack: Yeah, well, thanks for that unqualified vote of confidence. Cut to lunch. Jen is sitting when Abby comes up and holds money in front of her face. Jen: Oh, Abby. Would you get that out of my face? Abby laughs then sits down Abby: Oh come on. It's allowance time and I feel a major buying binge coming on. So tomorrow get your pocketbook and a sensible pair of shoes and let's go blow some major dough. Jen: You know, I really don't feel like shopping. Abby: Don't feel like shopping?! Jen: No. Abby: You don't feel like shopping and you call yourself a woman! Jen: I'm just not feeling all that festive, alright? My plan is to spend the weekend in bed...counting my ceiling tiles. Abby: Please, don't tell me this has something to do with your ludicrous Dawson Leery fixation. Jen looks at her. Abby: Jen, damn it! You're such an ass! Jen: Shhh! Abby: I mean what is so great about Dawson Leery? He's just a guy with a motormouth and a limp billy(?) club. Turn over a rock and find yourself another guy. The whole world's crawling with them. Jen: Look, it's not that easy, okay? I mean, I got rejected. It hurts. And to make matters worse...that whole Dawson-Joey-Pacey troyca(sp?) I just hate being on the outskirts of it, you know? I mean I used to fit in. Abby: Count your blessings. Those people are boring. Jen: Yeah. Yeah, well, I guess I just need a few days to nurse my narsocistic wounds. Abby: Jen, you've had a few days. You're practically in hibernation. Winter is over, Jen. Come out of your cave. And I need you with me. Jen: What could you possibly need me for? All I'm going to do is rain on your parade. Abby: Well, shopping for me is like deep sea diving. It's dangerous and exciting, and if I do it alone I may never come up for air. Please don't let me go by myself. I could drown in a sea of dresses and hair gel. They laugh Cut to a classroom. Andie drops some movies Pacey: picking them up McPhee. I didn't know you were a closet movie freak. I just thought you were a freak in general. reads titles Ghost, The Way We Were, pardon me as a gag, oh my god, Dumbo. Andie: Okay, so I have a grade school mentality when it comes to movies. Get off my back. Pacey: No, no, I love Dumbo. Andie: You love Dumbo? Pacey: Are you kidding? It's my pantion(?) of all time favorites. I cried when I saw it as a kid. Andie: You cried during Dumbo? Pacey: Are you joking me? I bawled my head off. I mean, the way those elephants made fun of him for those fat, floppy ears and then he loses his mother. Oh my lord, that's one of the saddest movies ever. Andie: This is really strange. Pacey: What is? Andie: Well, just when I've written you off for good you drop this whole Dumbo bomb on me. Pacey: Hey, look, uh, I'm outta here and I got no plans so uh what do you say we walk around downtown or something? Andie: Yeah, right, what's the joke? Pacey: No joke. I got no plans. And, believe it or not, I'd rather spend the afternoon exchanging barks with a bright like yourself than flying solo so pinch yourself, it's your lucky day. So you in? Andie: Yeah, I mean, might as well. Pacey: Unless you have your heart set on watching Dumbo. Andie: Nah, I've seen it like 500 times. You're not going to throw me in front of a bus or anything? Pacey: Interesting idea. Hadn't thought of that. Cut to art lecture. Laura: I'd like to close with this piece, "Winter Mist". It's Jarvis' most famous work. No one can deny after looking at this exquisitely tuned surface that this picture that the positions of color and shape.. Dawson has a skeptical look on his face. Joey looks like she's concentrating and interested. Laura: (cont.) the intensity of his lines...that Jarvis was in complete control of his new technique. Sadly, three weeks after Jarvis completed "Winter Mist" he died from alcohol poisoning. Despite his untimely death, Jarvis left a lasting impression on the art world and his title of one of the abstract expressionists of the 20th century...will live on. Audience claps. Cut to Dawson and Joey walking outside Joey: The art lecture was great wasn't it? Dawson: It was certainly...prolonged. Joey: You hated it. Dawson: No, not at all. I just don't think abstract impressionism is really my thing. Joey: Your thing? Dawson: Yeah, I don't know it just seemed so unresolved. Joey: Unresolved? Dawson: Yeah, I mean it's just a blob of paint that offers up more questions than answers. Joey: A blob of paint, Dawson? Dawson: Well, like "Winter Mist" for example. What was the ultimate emotion expressed in that painting? Joey: Dawson, newsflash. Just because a painting does not have a beginning, middle, and an end like some summer release, popcorn movie doesn't mean it's not charged with emotion, okay? Dawson: I guess I like my art with a verdict. Specific, coherent, and to the point. Like romanticism. I can totally get into romanticism....if you know what I mean. Joey: Yes, I know what you mean. Laura walks up. Laura: Hey guys. Dawson: Hey Laura! Great lecture. Laura: Did you really like it? Joey: It was awesome. Laura: Tomorrow I'm teaching an art class so if you two are interested in auditing(?) you're definitely welcome. Dawson: I've got to work. Laura: Joey? Joey: I'm afraid my artistic skills peaked in the 3rd grade. Laura: Ah, it's a beginner's class. You don't have to be Picasso, just willing. Joey considers it Cut to Pacey and Andie walking downtown Andie: This truck literally came out of nowhere and I didn't see it so now my Saab's back in the shop. Pacey: Another accident? You are officially the world's worst driver. Pacey sees Tamara Andie: Pacey? Pacey what's wrong? Tamara: Hello Pacey. Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend? Pacey just stands there. Tamara: Tamara Jacobs. Andie: Nice to meet you. I'm Andie. Tamara: Pacey was a former student of mine. Pacey: Yeah, I was her teacher and she was...no, I was her student and she was my teacher. Tamara: Well, I'm late for an appointment. It was really nice to see you, Pacey. Pacey: Yeah, likewise. Tamara: And nice to meet you, too, Andie. Take care. She walks off. Andie: Pacey what's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost. Pacey: No I haven't seen her for awhile and she was my teacher and uh... Andie: Your teacher. Did she flunk you or something? Pacey: Uh, no, no. Uh, you know what, Andie? I think I'm going to have to take a raincheck on this. Um, I'm really sorry, but I've got to go, okay? Andie: What? Are you serious? Cut to Pacey watching Tamara enter a warehouse. Cut to art class. Laura: I'm on to you, Joey. Joey: What do you mean? Laura: How many other talents have you been hiding from me? Joey: Please, it's an apple and a banana. It's hardly the second coming. Laura: You can be as self-depreciating as you want. It doesn't change the fact that you're a natural. You, my friend, have a gift. Do you draw much? Joey: Uh, when I was little, I did. I wanted to be like my mom was. Laura: Was? Why did she stop? Joey: She, uh, she didn't. She...she died. Laura: Oh, I'm so sorry, Joey. That must have been incredibly difficult. When? Joey: A few years ago. She had breast cancer. Laura: She was an artist? Joey: Sort of. I mean, she taught herself. She wasn't a professional...like you. She just kind of did it for fun. I remember she used to draw pictures from my favorite stories and hang them in my room. Laura: So, art must be in your genes. Joey: I don't know. I guess. Laura: Well, if you enjoy this, Joey, I think that you should really pursue it. I could recommend some great classes. Joey looks at her. Laura: Okay, why the look? Joey: Are you serious? Laura: I'm very serious, and you know what? You should take yourself a little more seriously. I mean, I may not be a great artist, but I like to think I have an eye. And my eye says you're good. Joey: Why, when you say that, do I suddenly feel overcome with anxiety? Laura: Because with talent comes responsibility, and you owe it to yourself not to let this talent go to waste. Cut to Dawson's house. Andie knocks on Dawson's door Dawson: Be right there. He opens it. Andie: Hey Dawson. Dawson: Andie. Hey, come on in. I'm just having a domestic spell. What are you...what are you doing here? Andie: Uh, what am I doing here? I was in the neighborhood, and I was wondering what the english assignment is for Monday, so I thought you might know, and....here I am. Dawson: It's the first chapter of Gulliver's Travels. Andie: Cool. Great. I'm going to go home right now and read it. Thanks. Dawson: Andie? Andie? Are you sure that's why you came by? Andie hesitates Andie: I don't really know you, Dawson, but if I ask you something, do you swear that you'll keep it in the strictest of confidence. Dawson: Yeah, absolutely. Andie: Has Pacey said anything to you about...possibly liking someone? Dawson: Liking someone? Liking who? Andie: Liking, oh, I don't know...me? Dawson: Uh, not that I recall. Andie: Oh. Dawson: But that doesn't mean he doesn't like you. He could very well like you. He just doesn't say anything to me. Why? Do you...do you like him? Andie: Me? Like Pacey? No way...well...maybe....possibly. Dawson: Why don't you just tell him? Andie: I could never, EVER tell Pacey that. I mean, he's a pig. He's obnoxious. There's just no way, and you have to swear to me that you will not tell him either. Dawson: Why do I feel like I'm in 2nd grade? Andie: Dawson, please. Dawson: Okay, I won't say a word. I swear. But...I've know Pacey a long time, and that obnoxious pig behavior is sometimes his attempt at flirtation. Andie: Really? Dawson: Yeah. Andie: Okay! Thanks! I'll see you around! She walks away and then turns around and hands him back the boxers she had picked up and been holding of his. Cut to Abby and Jen sitting down at a table in a restaurant. Abby: Now, that was what I call a shopping spree. I can't believe I blew my entire monthly allowance in less than 20 minutes. That is a record for me...I think. Jen: How are you going to explain it to you parents? Abby: The usual....I got mugged. Jen: In Capeside? You are crazy. Abby: You love me, right? I mean, this morning you had that whole hung-jawed, woe-is-jen thing, but now look at you. You're smiling, you're laughing, you've got new lipstick. Aren't you glad you met me? Jen: You know what? I am. I mean, I left New York because I couldn't handle being the bad girl anymore, but, I tell you, if being the bad girl means not walking around in a perpetual state of loneliness and depression, then bad girl it is. Abby: I'm glad I'm getting you back to your roots. Oh my God! Jen, don't look now, but the biggest babe I've ever seen in my life is sitting right behind you. Jen turns around and looks. Abby: Mine. I called him. Jen: No way, Abby. Look at the guy. He's, like, twice your age. Abby: Perfect. That means he's almost mature enough to handle me. I'm so sick of these little boys. I need a real man with chest hair and body odor and illegitimate children scattered across the country. towards the guy Excuse me! Hi, uh, what's your name? Jen: to Abby Shut up! Vincent: Vincent. Abby: Hi, Vincent. I'm Abby, and this is my friend Jen. So, you're eating alone? Vincent nods Abby: Well, you're welcome to come join us. We don't bite, unless we're asked to. Vincent: I'd love to join you ladies, but I have to get to the docks. Abby: The docks? What do you do there? Sunbathe? Vincent: I'm a fisherman. Got a 2-month stint on a long-liner, hauling swordfish. Abby: Oh, so you're not from Capeside? Well, if you ever want somebody to show you the sights, give me a call. Abby Morgan, 555-0142. Vincent: Thanks for the offer. to Jen I didn't catch your name. Jen: Jen. Vincent: Jen. It's nice meeting you, Jen. Jen: You too. Cut to Joey sitting sketching when Dawson walks up. Dawson: Hey you! Joey closes her sketchpad. Joey: Hi. Dawson: What's up? Joey: Nothing. Dawson: pointing to the sketchpad That's not nothing. What is it? Joey: It's a sketchpad. I was just doodling. It's no big deal. Dawson: Well, what were you doodling? Joey: Well, if you must know, a bowl of fruit. It was something I was working on in Laura's class. Dawson: A bowl of fruit? You're really getting into this whole art thing. Well, let's see it. Joey: No! Dawson: Come on! Joey: I don't think so. Dawson: Why not? I like this new art interest. You know, Joey Potter: Artist extraordinaire, empress of all impressionism, getting on top of the table master of all still life. I hereby declare myself a full-fledged, madly enthusiastic fan of your new hobby. They kiss. Joey: Dawson, why is it your obsession with movies is your life passion, while my interest in art is a hobby? Dawson: Ah! I knew, I knew as soon as I said "hobby" that it was the wrong word, but by the time I said it, it was already noticing Joey getting her things together it was gone, and there was no getting it back. Joey: You know, I really have to finish up, so I'll see you later. Dawson: Well, so you're just going to leave it like this? Joey: Like what? Unresolved? Dawson: Yeah. Joey: Why don't you just consider me a nonspecific, incoherent, expressionistic painting? kisses him on the cheek then slaps him on the back Have a GREAT day, Dawson. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Pacey at Tamara's Pacey: Hi. Tamara: Hi. Pacey: I was debating whether or not I should actually do this, uh, the "this" being coming out to see you because...you know, when we said hi yesterday it was, uh, a little.....awkward. And I don't know, I just thought that I should come-- Tamara: Pacey? Pacey: Yeah? Tamara: It was supposed to feel awkward. Pacey: How about this? Is this supposed to feel awkward, too? Tamara: M-hm. Pacey: And if we were to see each other a third time? Tamara: Still awkward. Pacey: Oh, good. Well, at least there's a science to this thing. Tamara: Yes. It's what we ex-English teachers call a classic "Pinter" moment, where everything is said in silence because the emotion behind what we really want to say is just too overwhelming. Pacey: And, uh, that's what we're having? A "Pinter" moment? Tamara: Yes. Pacey: That's okay with you? Tamara: Well, silence is an acquired taste. The more complicated life becomes the better it is to learn to say nothing. Pacey: Okay. Then, uh, maybe we could have just a couple more seconds of silence? Tamara: Sure. Pacey: Who is this Pinter guy? Tamara: Stay in school, Pacey. Pacey starts walking away. Pacey: Yes, Miss Jacobs. Cut to Mitch and Dawson in the Leery's kitchen. Mitch: Want some breakfast? Dawson: No. I'll just have some juice. I gotta go find Joey. Mitch: How are the two lovebirds? Dawson: Um, good...I think. This art obsession is making Joey a little crazy. I can't do or say anything right. I made the mistake of teasing her about this art lecture. She went sybil on me. Mitch: Well, in my experience, Dawson, erratic behavior of the female orientation usually means the root of the problem is something unexpected. It's probably not about art. Go find out what it is. Dawson: Is this your father knows best moment? Mitch: Have one every now and then. FInd her. Talk to her. Dawson: Alright, thanks. Pacey walks in and Mitch leaves Pacey: Hello. Dawson: Hey Pacey! The man, the myth, the legend. Pacey: Listen, Dawson, that little secret you had yesterday...Tamara? You really should've told me. Dawson: I tried to tell you. You were off and down the hall before I could get it out. Pacey: Well, you see, we got a situation here, now, because I realized last night that I'm not entirely over her. Dawson: Oh, boy. Um, Pacey, I'm your friend and I want to be supportive, and helpful, but the only thing I can think of to say to you in good conscience is stay away. You haven't even fully recovered from the gossip fallout of your last completely illegal interlude. There are girls your age, there are girls who like you. Would it be so terrible if you fell for one of them? Pacey: Like who? Dawson: Like the one who came to my house yesterday and told me that she liked you. Pacey: Who? Dawson: I'm not supposed to say. Pacey: Dawson, I'm not in the mood. Who? Dawson: Andie. Andie likes you. Pacey: Andie hates me. Dawson: When a girl hates you the way Andie hates you, it really means that she likes you. That's basic kindergarten psychology. Pacey: Yeah, but that's different, Dawson. Andie's a girl, okay? And Tamara...Tamara's a woman. Dawson: Exactly. Pacey, you should be with a girl. Okay, look, I gotta go and I'm really sorry, but I'm begging you, as your friend, don't go there. Cut to Icehouse Joey: Hey Bessie! You think I could have the day off since there's nobody here and there's this huge art exhibit at the college I'm dying to go see? Bessie: Sure. I'll hold down the fort. Joey: You are, without a doubt, my favorite sister. Bessie: I'm your only sister. Bessie: And hey, Joey, this place is dead. Why don't you take Jack with you? Joey: There's priceless art at this exhibit. He could do some serious damage. Bessie: Just take him. I feel sorry for him. He just sits around looking dopey. Joey: Hey, Jack! Do you know what an art exhibit is? Jack: Yeah... Joey: Do you want to go to one? Jack: Sure. Joey: to Bessie This should be entertaining. Cut to Mitch and Tamara in the warehouse. Mitch: It's a great space. Location's ideal, with a little work, of course. Tamara: Well, I probably shouldn't be telling a prospective buyer this, but I am eager to sell so you're going to get a good deal. Mitch: Trying to outrun some financial difficulties? Tamara: laughs We both know my problems weren't strictly financial. Mitch: Yeah, well, since you brought it up. Um, a student, wasn't it? Tamara: Yes, something like that. Um, the ceiling needs fixing up, but the windows are completely new. From what I've heard, you're no stranger to scandal yourself. Mitch: Only if your definition of scandal includes your wife having an affair with her co-anchor but if you don't mind, uh, I'd like to give that image a rest for the afternoon. Tamara: Understood. Cut to Abby and Jen pacing the docks. Jen: Abby, we've been pacing these docks for, like, 2 hours. What are we still doing here? I'm starting to feel kind of stupid. Abby: What do you think? We're look for Vincent. Jen: Who? Abby: Vincent. Jen: The fisherman? Abby: The babe. We're on hunk patrol. Jen: Oh my God, Abby, you've got to be kidding me. There's got to be, like, a hundred different boats here. We have no idea which one he's working on. We're not going to find him, and yeah, he may be good looking but he's old enough to be your father. Haven't you ever heard of statutory rape? Abby: Oh shut up! Cut to art exhibit Joey: We don't have to stay long. I just want to take a look around. I know this must be incredibly boring for you. Jack: Boring? Jarvis is, like, my all-time favorite expressionist. Joey: Your favorite expressionist? Jack: Yeah, you know about him? Joey: Just that he was an alcoholic and he died young. Jack: And he was a genious. Look...amazing painter. And, you k now what? He was severely manic-depressive so, like, half of his paintings are all, well, chaotic and...and colorful and the other half...the other half are, like, real...suggestive, you know? But this pointing to a painting this one. This is his most famous painting..."Winter Mist". I love it when a painting can really affect you emotionally. I mean, I find this one really intence. Joey is staring at him shocked. Jack: What? What are you looking at Joey: Nothing. I just had no idea you were such an art connoisseur. Jack: What? You think my only talents are waiting tables? Joey: No because if that was your only talent, then you'd be completely talentless. Jack: Oh-ho-ho. I see. So, not only are you shocked to find out I have a brain in my head, you think I'm a terrible waiter on top of it? Joey: You know you're a sucky waiter, Jack. Jack: No way! I'm awesome! Alright. Maybe, every once in awhile, I mess up an order-- Joey: Jack, "every once in awhile"? You're a walking sight gag. Jack: Sight gag. Joey: Yeah. Jack: Well, I guess that's one way of looking at me. But just like if some shallow person stumbled across all these paintings and labeled them, like, I don't know, messy or meaningless, you know? But if you stare at the images long enough, you can see they're filled with great power and passion...intelligence. Joey: I'm sorry, Jack. Jack: For what? Joey: For jumping to the wrong conclusions. I mean, there's obviously a lot more to you than pratfalls. Jack: Well, Joey, you ain't seen nothing yet! Joey: laughing Okay... Cut to Abby and Jen. They found Vincent. Abby: Hey there, Mr. Man! We've been looking for you. Vincent: You came all the way down here looking for me? Aren't I a lucky guy? Abby: You have no idea just how lucky uou are. Vincent: What can I do for you, Abby? Abby: You remembered my name. Vincent: I never forget a pretty face. Abby: Well, we came down to invite you out. I was thinking a night on the town is in order. A little joyride up the cape. There's a watering hole in Portsmouth where we could throw back a couple of drinks. I'm sure you've heard of it...Whitey's? It's all the rage with you laborers. Vincent: "Laborer"? Is that my designated label? Abby: No, don't take it the wrong way. I love laborers. They're sexy and they know what to do with their hands. Vincent: Well, I'm going to have to pass. Abby: Pass? What do you mean? Why? Vincent: I'll tell you why. I'm not interested in playing some blue-collar pin-up for some oversexed, condescending teenybopper. Abby: Excuse me? Vincent: Thanks for coming by and slumming it. Abby: to Jen Let's go. Jen holds back Jen: Vincent? Hey...Abby's got a particular way with words that, that sometimes the stuff she says comes out wrong, but she means well, mostly. Anyway, the only reason we came all the way down here is because she likes you, so give her a break, would you? Vincent: It's Jen, right? Jen: Yeah. Vincent: I have to be honest. I don't like your friend. I think she's a stuck-up phony who wouldn't know a real man from a hole in the wall, but you...you're different. I can tell, and if you'd like to, I'd be happy to take you out sometime. But do me a favor, leave Abby at home. Abby: Jen! Jen, come on! Vincent: Hey, Jen. Thanks for coming by! Cut to Jack and Joey outside the exhibit Joey: I've actually started doing some drawing on my own. Jack: Really? Joey: Yeah. Jack: That's cool. I'd love to see anything you've done. I mean, if you want to show it to me. Joey: Well, there's not much to see, really. Laura just had us working on a bowl of fruit, which isn't the most inspiring subject matter to say the least. Jack: See, you shouldn't be wasting your time drawing things you're not passionate about. Draw what you love. Joey: What I love? Jack: Yeah. That's what artists do. They go to a place inside themselves, and they find what inspires them, you know? Draw what's important to you. Dawson walks up. Joey: to Dawson What are you doing here? Dawson: I was looking all over for you. I went to the Icehouse and Bessie said you were here. Jack: So, uh, Joey, I'm going to take off. Joey: No, we can all walk back together. Jack: No, that's cool. I've got some errands to run, but listen, I had a blast. Joey: Me too. Thank you for coming. Jack: Sure. Dawson: So you want to check out the exhibit? Joey: I already did, Dawson. Dawson: Do you want to show me the paintings you like? Joey: Dawson, it's okay. I know this isn't your thing. You earned your points just by coming. That's enough. Dawson: No, Joey, I want to be here. I want to be with you. Jo, talk to me. What's wrong? I know I hurt your feelings by being too flip about this art thing, and I'm sorry. It was never my intention, believe me. I'm just trying to be us, Dawson and Joey, who analyze and argue and debate and disagree. You've put me in my place a thousand times about some movie. Why can't we just interchange subject? It might actually be a refreshing change. Joey: It is SO much more than that, Dawson. Dawson: Then why are you closing yourself off to me? What's changed? Joey: That's the point, DawsoN! Nothing's changed! You, me, we're exactly the way we've always been and I am SO tired of it! Cut to Pacey and Tamara in her warehouse. Pacey: So I looked up this Pinter guy. Harold, playwright, the king of subtext. You say one thing, but you mean another. We're big on that here in Capeside. Tamara: laughs Yes, I know. Pacey: Do you think it's possible for us to have a moment without all the subtext? Tamara: Uh, I don't know, Pacey. Words have always gotten us into so much trouble. Pacey: Yeah, well, that's not going to happen this time. I bet you thought I came over to your house the other day to pour out my wounded heart to you, to confess just how much I miss you, and to tell you that seeing you the other day brought back all the old feelings. But, really, I'm fine. You know, I keep thinking that I shouldn't be over this, but I am. You know, sexually, we were pretty good together, but in all other respects, we were on 2 different planets, and that's what I came to tell you the other day. I'm fine. I've grown up. Tamara: You have. I see that. Pacey: So laughs I guess this is it...the last big goodbye. Tamara: Goodbye Pacey. He starts to leave and then turns around and him and Tamara go at it. Pacey: I think we could probably both benefit from one of those silent moments right now. Tamara: Yes, I think so. Pacey: This Pinter guy was really onto something. Woo. Tamara: Yes, he was. Pacey: Um, Tamara.. Tamara: You know what, Pacey? Uh, I have a buyer coming here in, like, an hour, and I really need to clean up this place. Pacey: Is that subtext again? Tamara: No. Pacey: Listen, I know it's over, okay? It has to be, but I just...I need to know, um, oh, God...do you...miss...teaching? Tamara: Yes.....very much. Pacey: Good. Because I miss your teaching....very much. He leaves. Cut to Jen and Abby in the hall Jen: Abby, I like your dress. Did I tell you that? Abby: Only about 300 times. Jen: Alright, I give up. What did I do? Why are you punishing me? Abby: I liked that guy. We went down there for me...and you just stole him right out from under me. I saw the looks you were giving him, batting your eyelashes at him with the mascara I bought you. Jen: Abby, that's not true! I didn't do anything. Abby: And after everything I've done for you. And, I mean, I like one guy, just one guy, and you can't step out of the spotlight long enough for me to get him. Jen: Look, you can have him, okay? I don't want him. You're my friend. That's what's important to me. Abby: Screw the crap. Friends don't compete over the same guy. Jen: Don't blame me just because you got rejected. Abby: I didn't get rejected. That's your specialty, not mine. Cut to Joey and Dawson Joey: Can we talk? Dawson: Yeah, if you explain what's going on. You're scaring me, and I'm afraid if I say anything it's going to lead to a fight. Joey: Dawson, look, I've been thinking of how to make you understand my behavior lately. You know, why I've been pushing you away but then I realized that I don't even know, Dawson. All I know is that you are very important to me, and this art thing, whether it be a hobby or my life's passion, is important to me, too. It is the first thing other than you that's been important to me in a long time. Dawson: Joey, that's great. I'm glad you have that. I really am. I just don't want us to lose what's great about us. Joey: Dawson, you've been everything to me, and I have been your sidekick, your confidant, your other half for so long, and that's how our relationship works. And it's a nice place for you, but for me, it's scary because I realized that, aside from you, I don't have anything. My entire life is attached to you, Dawson. I was working on these sketches, and somebody told me to draw what's important to me. What inspires me. What I love...and this is the only thing I could thing of. She hands him her sketchpad where a picture of Dawson was sketched. Dawson: Joey, look... Joey: And that's not okay with me, Dawson. I care about you so much, but if I ever lost you, I would be standing here totally void of anything else in my life. I live in total fear of doing nothing, of going nowhere, and that is why I shut you out. Because if I can't have something to hold onto independently from you, then I don't have anything at all. Dawson: First of all, I'm not going anywhere. Secondly, I just want you to be happy. Now, whatever that means, I'll provide it or support it or be completely uninvolved with it. I mean, whatever it takes. I just want us to stop fighting. Joey: Dawson, I wasn't fighting with you. I was fighting with myself. Part of me wanted to send you off from me, and the other part wanted to hold you so tight. Dawson: Well, which part of you won? Jo? Joey: Dawson, I don't mean to sound like a blob of paint, but can we just let this one thing remain unresolved for now? Dawson sighs and they hug. Cut to Pacey knocking on the window at Andie. He walks in and takes a seat. Pacey: Is this seat taken? takes a bite of her burger How's the burger here? Andie: Dawson told you, didn't he? Don't play dumb. When dumb people play dumb, it's very disconcerting. Dawson told you what I told him, and that's why you're acting so weird. Just admit it. Pacey: I really have no idea what you're talking about. Andie: Yes, it's true. I had a brief flash of maybe feeling like I didn't, possibly, hate you. Hm, but it will pass so there's no need to get a big head or anything. Pacey: So you think it'll pass? Andie: It may pass. It most likely will pass. Unless...no. It will definitely pass. In fact, I think it just did. Yep. There it went. It's gone. Pacey: You like me. You really like me! Andie: Pacey, please stop torturing me. Pacey: I want to, but I can't. There's just something about you McPhee. You bring out the sadist in me. Pacey and Andie glance across the street and see Tamara getting into her car. Andie: Don't you know that woman? Pacey: I did. But not anymore.
doc_141	(Theme music playing) (Campers clamoring) (Panting) (Sighing) Emma: Excuse me, sir. Can you have these delivered to my room? Gladys: Geez! You don't shave your legs for one month, and suddenly you're a "sir." Emma: I haven't even looked at your legs yet. Ravi Ross, a pleasure. Ravi: You must be Ms. Gladys, the proprietor. Thank you for letting Mrs. Kipling come to camp. (Mrs. Kipling groaning) I assure you, the odds of her eating any campers are very remote. Zuri: I would still hide the bite-size kids. (Mrs. Kipling groaning) Gladys: Aren't there supposed to be four of you? Zuri: Our brother, Luke, got stuck in summer school. Probably because he can't spell either of those words. Gladys: Check cleared, don't care. Sign in with my niece. (Campers cheering) Hazel, these are the Rosses. I met your parents right here when we were 16. Your dad was a stone-cold fox. (Growling) Zuri: Could've gone my whole life without hearing that. Hazel: My aunt's always talking about your mom. (Chuckles) She hates her. Gladys: With every bone in my body, including my artificial hip. I loved your father, but your mom stole him from me. Plus the title of "Best Counselor," and any chance I ever had at having a happy life! Emma: No offense, but you guys are the worst welcoming committee ever. Note to self, start digging escape tunnel tonight. Gladys: By the way, phones aren't allowed at camp. Hand it over. Emma: (Scoffing) No! Back off, mister! [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Woodchuck Cabin ] Emma: Oh! Tiffany: (Shushing) I'm studying for the national spelling bee! If I don't win, my mom won't let me come home. My brother lost last year, and I haven't seen him in 10 months. Lou: Welcome! I'm Lou, camp counselor and head Woodchuck in charge! (Chitters) (Emma grunting) (Bones cracking) Emma: I'm Emma. I'd hug you back, but you just separated my shoulder. (Bones cracking) Lou: Oops! My bad. We'll make you a sling in arts and crafts. So, you're my new counselor in training? Let the training begin. (Yelling) Sit! JK! (Laughing) Emma: (Sighs) Lou: No, seriously. Sit, or you're goin' in the crate! JK again! I'm all about the JKs! LOL! (Nervous giggle) Emma: OMG! Lou: So, how many years of camp experience do you have? Emma: None. Lou: But you like kids, right? Emma: Not really. They're sticky. Lou: So why do you want to be a camp counselor? Emma: Oh, I don't. But my mom thought it would be good for me. I guess she was some sort of super counselor, so now she expects me to live up to that. Lou: Good luck! Christina Ross is a legend around here. They say she could assemble a s'more in two seconds flat, and her dreamcatchers actually caught dreams! Gladys: She caught mine! Emma: And mine! I should be in Milan for Fashion Week, but instead I'm stuck here picking bugs out of my teeth! Lou: (Snaps fingers) Nature's popcorn. Speaking of fashion, I hate to brag, but I'm a cover girl. Emma: Really? Lou: Yep! Four-H Digest. The big fall flea and tick issue. Zuri: If we run fast enough, we might be able to catch the limo. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Grizzly's Cabin ] Ravi: Greetings, bunk mate! Xander: Hey! Uh... Whoa! (Mrs. Kipling groaning) Uh, I think that alligator thingy ate your pet. Ravi: That alligator thingy is my pet. Xander: Oh, that explains the cage. I just thought we were getting a really creepy kid. (Mrs. Kipling groaning) Ravi: Ravi Gupta Balasubramanium Ross, your new CIT eagerly reporting for duty, sir! Xander: I'm Xander. Ravi: Oh. So what are the cabin rules? Xander: I'm not really big on rules. Except always wear shower shoes. I once got fungus so bad, I lost a toenail. But it's cool, 'cause now I use it as a guitar pick. Ravi: You know those cost, like, five cents, right? Jorge: Hey, dudes! I'm Jorge. Mind if I take this bunk? Ravi: Actually, that is my... Jorge: Dude, trust me. You want me to sleep downwind! Especially on burrito night. I once had a 23-minute fart! Ravi: That seems medically impossible. Xander: Although handy if we go hot-air ballooning. Jorge: That's why the aliens abducted me. I'm special. Ravi: Well, parts of you clearly are. So let me guess. The aliens probed you? Jorge: Of course not! They just invited me for brunch. You're weird. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. ] (Xander playing guitar) (All applauding) Hazel: Xander, that was awesome! Can I have your pick? Xander: Sure. (Retches) Lou: Then during free time tomorrow, we can dive for mud dabs, and connect your mosquito bites to see what shape they make! Look, mine make Abe Lincoln! Emma: (Gasping) Whoa! That supes cute guy is here and you led with mud dabs? (Halting scratch) Lou: Where did that wind come from? Xander: Whoa! I think I'm in love. Hazel: Finally! Let's get married after the tetherball tournament! Xander: Hi, I'm Xander. Emma: I'm Emma. I'm nauseous. Lou: Ooh! Looks like Cupid just shot an arrow. Hazel: I hope it goes in her eye and out her ear. Lou: Little Woodchuck wisdom, don't go to the archery range with her. (Blowing whistle) Gladys: Campers, welcome to Camp Kikiwaka! Except for you, Timmy. Your parents' check bounced. You can sleep by the front gate. Hopefully, they'll pick you up in the morning. (Tribal drums playing) Ki-ki-wa-ka! All: Ki-ki-wa-ka! Ki-ki-wa-ka! Ki-ki-wa-ka! Ravi: Okay, this is a cult. Taxi! Gladys: We pay homage to Kikiwaka, the giant, ravenous demon beast who roams these woods! Zuri: Say what now? Gladys: Ki-ki-wa-ka! Hear me and leave these campers in peace! Emma: Did she just say "in pieces"? Gladys: With the blessing of Kikiwaka, our summer revels commence! Remember to pick up your trash. Zuri: Tiffany, aren't you scared of the Kikiwaka? Nope. Nothing's scarier than my mom if I don't get an A. Hazel: Listen, cheekbones, Xander is mine. No, I'm not. So you should go back to New York before one of those long legs ends up in a bear trap. See you at the friendship circle. (Sighs) Lou: She's not really good with new people. Or old people. Or any people. Gladys over PA: Attention, campers! Time for the obstacle course. The winning cabin gets to have a pizza party, while I just continue the obstacle course that is my life. (Arrow released) (Gasps) Emma: Is archery part of the obstacle course? Lou: Nope. (Whistling) Jorge: Ravi, what are you doing? Ravi: Obviously, as your counselor-in-training, I am demonstrating what not to do. Jorge: Dude, you're embarrassing Grizzly Cabin! And men in general! Xander: I think Ravi's doing great, considering he could barely pick up his egg for the egg race. Ravi: It was a jumbo! What do they feed those chickens? Zuri: Whoo-hoo! That was fun. TIffany: Fun? Forget fun! Focus! Thanks to your pathetic performance on this bouncy house, our cabin is behind! Zuri: Tiffany, it's just a game. Who cares? Tiffany: I care! Because if we don't win "best cabin," then I can't win "best camper," and if I don't win "best camper," I won't get into Harvard, which means I won't get into Harvard Medical School, which means I'll never become a top doctor, which will kill my mother! Do you want to kill my mother? Zuri: No, but I do want to talk to her about her parenting skills. Hazel: So Woodchuck Cabin is losing, Your campers are turning on each other... (Gasps) Great leadership, Emma! Lou: She is a good leader! Just ask our campers. Tiffany: Which one's Emma again? (Laughs mockingly) Hazel: You should just go home now. As a CIT, you're DOA. Lou: She is not! She has legendary counselor Christina Ross' blood running through her veins! Emma: And I'd like to keep it there, so let's not get the girl with access to arrows angry. Ah! Look, I'm doing it! Lou: That's my bunk buddy, people! Hazel: Hey, Emma, catch! (Screams) (All laughing) Let's see how Xander likes Little Miss Perfect now. Xander: Emma! (Panting) Emma, are you okay? Emma: Well, I'm better than those worms I just fell on. Oh! Lou: A pretty girl covered in mud, and you thought he wasn't going to like that? What's next? You hand her a tray of hot wings and have her turn on football? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Woodchuck Cabin ] (Sharp violin playing) Emma: I can't believe there's still mud in my ears. Zuri: Lucky you. At least you don't have to listen to Tiffany's violin. Give it a rest! Tiffany: Stop screaming at Violet! She's very high-strung! Emma: Today was a disaster. Instead of being a super counselor like Mom, I'm the lamest CIT ever. Lou: You are not! You're much better than my last CIT, Tammy. She took the kids to pet the hibernating bears. Emma: Bears don't hibernate in the summer. Lou: Exactly! It was a lot of paperwork. Emma: Okay... But I was humiliated in front of the whole camp. Plus, Hazel's never going to let Xander near me. Lou: At least not while you're still breathing. Sorry, that sounded much more supportive in my head. (Gasps) Emma: Yay! Xander sent me a text on paper! Lou: Think that's called a note. Emma: He wants me to sneak out tonight and meet him at The Spot! Lou: Whoo-wee! The Spot is the place in the woods where the kids go to... You know. Zuri: Get electrocuted? Tiffany: You can't sneak out! That could give our cabin demerits! Lou: So? Tiffany: So, that goes on my permanent record! Zuri: (Groans) It's camp! The only permanent records they keep are how many kids get diarrhea from the lousy food! (Stomach rumbling loudly) Uh-oh! I think it's about to be one more. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. The Spot ] Emma: Would you please go back to the cabin? Zuri: Not happening! I don't know what's more toxic, Tiffany's attitude, or what I left in that toilet! (Exclaims) Emma: Are you okay? Zuri: What made this giant footprint? Emma: Uh, a giant foot, duh. (Snarling) (Shrieks) I'm really hoping that's your stomach. Zuri: Nope. (Snarling) Emma: Do you think it's the Kikiwaka? Zuri: I don't know. Why don't you stay here and ask it? (Both groaning) (Grunts) Jorge: Yes! I win! Ravi: No, you do not. You moved the table. Jorge: Hey, all's fair in love and pool. Ravi: That is not a saying. Jorge: It is on planet Zorb. Dude, why are you such a buzzkill? Ravi: I am not a killer of the buzz! As your counselor-in-training, it is my duty to teach you to follow the rules! Xander: Bro, you just defined "buzzkill." Hazel: Hey, Xander. I made you hot wings. Want a bite? Xander: I don't think she's talking about the wings. Lou: Come on! Come on! Tiffany: Lou, I don't have time to play foosball! I need to finish my college applications! Lou: That's seven years from now! Tiffany: I'm applying really early admission. Lou: Xander? You're supposed to be with Emma. Why are you here? Hazel: Because he'd rather be with me. Xander: I never said that! Did anybody hear me say that? Lou: Emma went to The Spot because you sent her that note telling her to meet you there. Xander: I didn't send her any note. Lou: Uh-oh. This Woodchuck... (Chitters) (Sniffs) .. Smells a rat. Ravi: Oh, that is Jorge. He refuses to shower. Lou: Gee, who would want to send Emma out into the woods? I'm looking at you, Hazel. Right where your soul should be! Violet: Emma's not alone. She's with Zuri. That's right, Violet. That mean little girl is gone. Hazel: Why don't you all leave, so Xander and I can play a little nine ball? Rack 'em! Xander: No! There will be no racking! We have to go find Emma and Zuri! Hazel: (Sighs) Oh, okay. Let's use the buddy system. I pick Xander! [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. The Spot ] All: Emma! Zuri! Jorge: Uh-oh. I see something really scary! Tiffany: Is it my mom? Jorge: No. It's a giant footprint. (Rustling in bushes) Xander: Shh! (Growling) (All screaming) (Both screaming) Lou: (Exhales) Wow, you are lighter than a chicken, and their bones are hollow! (Louder growling) (All screaming) Xander: Ow! Emma! Emma: Xander! Hazel: (Flatly) Yay, we found her. Ravi: I still cannot believe you sent my sisters off into the woods to become Kikiwaka kebabs. Zuri: You sent Emma that note? Emma: (Scoffs) So, first you shoot an arrow at me, then you knock me into the mud, and then you send me off into the woods to die? (Scoffs) I'm starting to think you don't like me. (Growling) Xander:It's coming! Get up the tree! (All shouting) All: Ahh! Hazel: (In a sing-song voice) Xander and Hazel sittin' in a tree. Lou: G-A-G-G-I-N-G. Tiffany: No one told me there was gonna be a spelling bee! (Growling) (All screaming) Jorge: (Speaking Spanish) Don't take me now god! I am so close to puberty! Tiffany: (Speaking mandarin) I should have told my mom to back off! Ravi: (Speaking Hindi) We are doomed! Emma: Ugh, Ravi, we are not doomed! Xander: You understood him? Emma: Ravi panics a lot, so I've picked up a little Hindi. (Growling) (All screaming) Emma: Okay, look, everyone needs to calm down. I'm going to get us out of this! Hazel: Why should we listen to you, you boyfriend snatcher? Emma: Because everything you've put me through has taught me I'm tougher than I thought. Now, let's scare this thing off! Lou: Good idea! Hazel, go down and ask it for a date. Hazel: Xandy, are you going to let them talk about me like that? Xander: Yes. I would high five them if I weren't so afraid to let go of this branch. Emma: Okay, we know animals are scared of bright lights... Ravi: Oh! We all have flashlights! (Ravi gasps) Emma: Oh! Ravi: You all have flashlights! Emma: We also know they hate loud, annoying noises. Zuri: Like Tiffany's violin! Sorry. Lou: And sometimes offensive odors will drive animals off! All: Jorge's farts! Jorge: I'm on it! Emma: Okay, all in favor of attacking this thing, instead of just sitting here waiting to be eaten, say "Aye!" All: Aye! (All screaming) Tiffany: (Violin screeching) Jorge: (Loud, extended fart) (Creature yowling) (All coughing)[/i] Jorge: Is it gone? Lou: (Gagging) After that fart, there's nothing alive within 100 miles. Ravi: I cannot focus my eyes! Tiffany: That was superior screeching, Zuri Ross. Zuri: Thanks, Tiff. And your violin never sounded better. Xander: Emma, your plan worked! Lou: Way to be a leader, Woodchuck. I think your mom would be really proud of you. Emma: Thank you, Lou. Lou: Don't you agree, Hazel? Hazel: Maybe. But don't get cocky. Remember, I'm the head counselor here, so what I say goes. Follow me! Lou: Camp's the other way. Hazel: I knew that! Gladys: Geez, you try to have a little fun by terrorizing some campers, and you get a pinecone to the head. (Grunts) I hate kids! [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Camp Kikiwaka ] Emma: Okay, I think I've got it. (Chittering rhythmically) Lou: Perfect! (Chittering rhythmically) Aww! My little Woodchuck's all grown up! Emma: You know, my mom was right. I think this is going to be a pretty good summer. Lou: Wait till I teach you how to give a porcupine a French braid. Hurts like heck, but they look so darn adorable! Gladys: Attention, campers! I have been informed that there was a Kikiwaka close encounter last night. All: Whoa! Gladys: I haven't had a close encounter since last July 4th at the Moose Lodge. I'm so lonely! Oh! Zuri: That was one unlucky moose. Ravi: We encountered the Kikiwaka! That was us. (All applauding) Gladys: And for the last ding dang time, it is one thing to pee in the lake, but it is completely unacceptable to leave a number two in a canoe! Jorge: What? The signs around here are really confusing. Gladys: So instead, we'll be racing inner tubes today. Last person to the lake has to clean the canoe! Xander: ♪ Here we go ♪ ♪ We're leaving the city behind right now ♪ ♪ Let's gather by the campfire light ♪ ♪ And sing this song ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Hanging out with someone new ♪ ♪ Then falling out of a camp canoe ♪ ♪ What's that smell? It's on your shoe ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Got a s'more in my hair ♪ ♪ Mosquitos in our underwear ♪ ♪ Shower's broke but we don't care ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ This is our home away from home away from home away from home ♪ ♪ But watch your back A bear just ate my phone ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ (All cheering and applauding) Uh, Hazel, three's a crowd. Hazel: Oh, did you hear that, Emma? Get lost. Emma: You already tried that last night, remember? Lou: Wow, last time the bonfire was this big, Gladys had dropped her canteen in it. Zuri: That's because I threw in all of Tiffany's flashcards. Tiffany: What? Zuri: I'm going to make sure you have fun this summer, if it's the last thing I ever do. Tiffany: If my mom hears about this, it will be. Although it might be nice to have a little fun for a change. Great! Zuri: Tonight, I'll teach you how to hollow out your mattress to hide stuff. With your book smarts and my street smarts, we're going to rule this camp! Ravi: Oh! Jorge, move back! You are supposed to melt the marshmallow, not your face. Jorge: Hey, compared to what the aliens did to me, that would be nothing. After brunch, it got ugly. Zuri: Hey, guys, do you think the Kikiwaka's gonna come back tonight? Ravi: Not if he knows Jorge had burritos for dinner. Gladys: Ha! Dopey kids. They'll believe anything. Campers: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ (Growling and snarling)
doc_142	"Be Careful What You Wish For" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ALSO STARRING Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Bessie: Nina Repeta Abby: Monica Kenna Dawson's room - Pacey walks in Pacey: Dawson, what's up? I came over as soon as I got your message. Dawson: I'm freaking out. grabs clock Pacey: Why? What's the problem? Dawson tosses the clock to Pacey Dawson: It's almost midnight. Pacey: Yeah...it's your birthday. In a couple of minutes you're going to be 16. Congratulations, man, this is a major turning point. Dawson: And I am eternally lost as a species on this planet. Pacey: Oh, this is going to be bad... Dawson: I'm about to be 16 in a matter of minutes and I'm still....me. The same whiny, adolescent, big-talking, small-doing loser that I was a year ago. Pacey: C'mon, Dawson, that's not true. Dawson: It's completely true! I mean, think about it. Every single person that I know is growing up and moving forward in some way. I mean, Joey is busy finding herself. You've got this whole stable, do-gooder, boyfriend thing. Jen is....not necessarily moving forward but at least she's moving. Even my parents are getting new lives! But me, I'm in the exact same place I was one year ago. Pacey: Yeah, but you're turning 16, Dawson. Rejoice. This is a good thing. You're getting older. Dawson: But there doesn't seem to be anything ahead of me. More of the same. I'm stagnet. No wonder Joey dumped me. I mean, the only thing I accomplished last year was realizing my feelings for her and I couldn't even hold on to her. She dumped me. For a gay guy. laughs Can we talk about this whole gay-man-straight-woman thing? There's got to be something going on there that we're not seeing. Pacey: You're right, Dawson. It's all part of the evil gay plan to keep the species from repopulating. Dawson: I would keep an eye on Andie if I were you. Pacey: C'mon, Dawson. You need to stop looking to movies for all the answers to life's questions. Okay? What you need to do is figure out what it is in life that you want and make it happen! Okay? Be definitive! Dawson: You're right. I need--I need definitive answers. Joey's the answer. I had her, I lost her, and now I'm going to get her back. How's that for definitive? Dawson walks out his bedroom door and shuts it leaving Pacey in the room. Pacey sighs. Cut to Mitch cooking pancakes in the Leery house and Gail walks into the kitchen and is surprised to see him. Gail: Mitch? Mitch: Hey! You remember my tradition of cooking Dawson breakfast on his birthday, right? Gail: Well, of course, but I just thought that-- Dawson walks in Dawson: Dad? Mitch: You didn't think that I would forget, did you? The usual for our favorite customer. Dawson: Thank you. It's nice to have a bit of tradition this morning. Mitch: Um, speaking of which, I have to talk to your mom in private for a second. About birthday stuff, strictly confidential. They walk out onto the porch. Mitch: Look, uh, I know we haven't discussed it...in the events of the past year, but we usually give joint birthday presents and I had an idea... Gail: You know, you're a little late for this, Mitch, I already bought Dawson a present. I'm giving Dawson his first car tonight. An Explorer. Mitch: Well, that's a big decision, Gail. Don't you think it's one we could of made together? Cut to Dawson eating his breakfast looking out towards the door which was left open slightly and he can see his parents arguing. Gail says something about how she's paying everything, the bills, etc. Cut back out on the porch. Mitch: Look, I know that I should contribute more financially, but I put the restaurant plans on the back burner and I have looked into substituting at the high school. Cut back to Dawson listening to them arguing. Cut to the Icehouse. Joey's sitting on the counter and Pacey is sitting on a stool next to her. Joey: Let's go over this one more time. Pacey: Okay. I invite Dawson out to dinner with Andie and me tonight. I'll keep him occupied until about 9 o' clock, and which point, we'll make up some lame ass excuse about how we have to call it an early night. Then, we'll drive back to his house where... Joey: I'll have set up the most fabulous surprise party ever. I hope. Pacey: I'm sure it'll be fantastic. Testimonial to true friendship. The party to end all parties. From now on, the Leery house is going to be known as the Delta house of Capeside. Joey: Thanks. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I've never organized a party before. Jack walks in. Joey doesn't say anything to him. He notices and turns back around and leaves. Pacey: Listen, Joey, not to pry or anything, how are you doing? I mean, now that you've had time to process. Joey: God. Everyone keeps asking me that in these solemn tones. Like I've just come down with some terminal disease. I mean, Jack's the one who's going through something. I mean, yeah, I admit, at first it was obviously a shock but I mean, I'm fine. Really. It's just... Joey makes facial languages that convey that it's nothing. Cut to Jack, outside of the Icehouse by all the tables. Abby and two friends walk up. Abby: Jaaccckkk, are you serving lunch yet? Jack: Um, yeah, in about 10 minutes. Hey, here's some menus you can look at in the meantime. Abby: Great, we're completely starving. Kelly: Aren't you that guy? Jack: What? Kelly: The first guy to ever come out of Capeside? He was the one who wrote the poem. Jaycee: Oh my God! You're the gay guy! Abby: In the flesh. Jack: uncomfortably Yeah.. Abby: Jaycee, Kelly, this is Jack McPhee. Capeside's no longer ambiguous resident. Kelly: You know, I think it's so great that you came out and you're only 16. You know, I totally watched Ellen through that whole tulmultuous year and, well, she didn't come out until she was, like, 40. Jack: Um, can I get you guys something to drink while you're looking over those menus? Jaycee: You know what I just realized? You're the first actual gay person that I've ever met. Abby: It is such a total waste because I mean, you're a total babe. Jack: You know, I'd take that as a compliment if it wasn't coming from Satan. Jack walks off and Abby follows him Abby: Jack, you have got me all wrong. I am not even one of his helpers. Jack: Well, then, I guess I should compliment you on that clever disguise you've been wearing for the last couple of months. Abby: We got started off on the wrong foot. True, I may have been flawed in the past but, I mean, sometimes people can surprise you. You should know a little bit about that yourself. Cut to Andie in therapy. Therapist: It sounds like you've had a lot on your shoulders for a 16-year-old girl. Andie: Yeah, well, after Tim died and Mom, you know, it seemed like there needed to be someone to be the glue to hold the family together and I guess I was the most-likely candidate. Therapist: Well, I'm not surprised that you started to feel a bit overwhelmed. Andie: Yeah, um, I felt like I was juggling all these balls in the air, you know? And if I dropped one, they'd all come crashing down, and, um, then I'd start thinking about everything all at once and I'd get these panic attacks when my heart was racing and I couldn't breathe... Therapist: Andie, Andie. Tell me something. Forget about saving everyone and even forget about your family for a minute. What is it that you want? What do you wish for? For yourself? Andie: I wish I could get rid of all my worries. You know? And be one of those people who just sails right through life. You know? And they do what they want to do, whatever makes them happy and they don't care what other people think about them. Therapist: Well, then, why couldn't you? I'm going to give you a prescription, Andie, but not for a drug. I prescribe for you one night of imperfection. Cut to the Icehouse. Bessie hands Joey something. Bessie: Here. You can get out of here early. I'm sure you want to get changed before going to Dawson's. Joey: Believe me, Bess. It's not going to take me very long to get dressed. It's not like I have to get all gussied up for anybody seeing as though I've turned Jack off from women completely. Bessie: Joey, you know that's not true. Joey: I know. It's not true. I mean, intellectually, I know that it has nothing to do with me. It's--Bessie? What am I supposed to do now? Bessie: You paint. You concentrate on your art and yourself. I mean, you broke up with Dawson because you wanted to find yourself...and then you went straight into a relationship with Jack. Now's your chance to do what you set out to do. I mean, look. Any girl would be acting the way you do right now under the circumstances. I mean, I think you're handling it with an amazing level of maturity. They hug. Dawson enters. Dawson: Joey, hey. I need to talk to you. Joey: Sure... Joey gets her coat and heads out of the Icehouse with him.. Joey: What's up? Cut to Ty putting ribbon on Dawson's present. Jen: Well, looks like you can add arts and crafts to your list of talents. Ty laughs. Jen walks behind him by the sink and turns around and looks at him. Ty: I can feel that. Jen: What? Ty: You. Watching me. I mean, you think you're crafty, but I know. I can feel your eyes on me. Jen: You can not. Ty: Sometimes. Can't you? Jen: Nah, I don't know. I've never really tried. Ty: Close your eyes. Jen closes her eyes and Ty looks at her. Ty: There. Can you feel me looking? Jen: No. Not yet. Ty leans in closer. Ty: Now? Jen: No... They kiss. They break apart and laugh. Jen: I was peeking. Ty: Uh huh... They start kissing again, Ty breaks away. Ty: Uh, morning? Kitchen...Grams. Jen looks at him confused, kind of suspicious. Cut to Dawson and Joey walking along a pier. Joey: Oh, it's freezing out. I just wish it would snow already. Dawson: I know. Joey: Hey, remember what we used to do when we were kids? Dawson: What? Make a wish on the first snowfall? Joey: Uh huh. And it always came true. They stop at a roasted peanut vendor Dawson: Two. Joey: Well, except for the time we wished for a horse, a million dollars, and a trampoline all in the same year....I was greedy, what can I say? They laugh. They pay for their peanuts. Joey: Thanks. Vendor: Enjoy it. They walk off. Dawson: Snow is just so...hopeful, you know? Joey: Yeah. Hope is good. So...what are you hoping for? Dawson: I'm hoping that we can get back to the way we were. Joey: Me too. And I've been trying to get our friendship back on track-- Dawson: I'm not talking about just our friendship, Joey. Look, I can't deny the truth which is plainly and simply, I want more. I want you back. Joey: (shaking her head) Dawson... Dawson: I was so confused last night but then I realized that the only thing that makes sense in my life is you and I know that it's still there between us. I felt it during the whole Jack saga and I know that you feel it, too, because we're soulmates. Joey, you and I were meant to be. Period. The end. Cue happy ending music. Joey: No...look, Dawson. Do you remember why we broke up in the first place? It wasn't about you at all and it certainly wasn't about Jack, it was about me. How I had things I needed to figure out. Dawson: Things that you were willing to figure out with Jack but not with me. Joey: No, Dawson! We can't talk about this, you know why. Dawson: Joey! If you and me aren't meant to be together than I don't know anything. I wouldn't count on snow today. He walks off. Cut to Joey, later that night, at the Leery house, stirring punch. Bessie walks in the kitchen. Joey: I can't believe I'm throwing a surprise party for someone who hates me right now. Bessie: Just relax. I'm sure everything will work itself out. I mean, Dawson's out right now with Pacey, enjoying his birthday, by the time he gets here, he'll probably be in a great mood. Cut to Dawson staring gloomily out of the window of the patrol car Pacey's driving. Andie's in the back seat. Andie: I have always wanted to sit in the backseat of a cop car. Hey! I know! Let's turn on the sirens! Pacey: I don't think that's the best idea, Sweetie. Andie: (making siren noises) Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo! Book 'em, Dann-o! So this is what it's like when they cart you off to prison, huh? Dawson: Depends. There's different types. There's the state-regulated ones and then the ones that you're trapped in when your life is going nowhere and everyone else is moving forward. Pacey: Took a happiness pill this morning, did we, Dawson? Dawson: No, just a dose of bleak reality. No offense, but have you noticed my only birthday plans are to play third wheel to my friend and his girlfriend? Pacey: Okay, listen, buddy, on any other day of the year, I'd be more than happy to talk to you about this, but since today's your birthday, why don't we try to concentrate on the positives, alright? Andie: HEY! STOP THE CAR! Pacey slams on the brakes. Pacey: What? What'd we hit? Andie: Nothing. Just make a U-turn I saw a really cool place back there. Pacey: Uh, Andie? Could we please keep this impulsive streak that you're trying to indulge tonight from killing everybody in this car? Please, honey? Andie: Um, doctor's orders! 'Member, Pacey? You promised I could cut loose tonight. Pacey: Yes...I did, didn't I? Okay. Pacey backs the car into a parking lot and makes a U-turn. Cut to Jack outside of the Leery house fixing his new front-part-slicked-up-by-gel 'do. He enters the party and Abby and her friends are standing next to the door. Kelly: Oh my God! Jack...you look...amazing. Abby: Wow. It's like a transformation from John-boy to John-John, all in a sharp, dippity-do. Jack: It's no big deal. I put a little gel in my hair. That's pretty much the extent of it. Abby: I guess when you get gay, you get style. I wish I would have nabbed you one sexual preference ago. Jack just looks at her funny and walks off. Cut to Jen taking Dawson's presents into a room. Ty walks in behind her. Jen: Hello, Ty. Ty: Excellent, you're learning. Jen: Uh huh. They kiss. Ty pulls away. Jen: Okay, explanation. Ty: What? Jen: First this morning and now? That's two kisses that you've bailed out on. Ty: Okay, it's just that we've been getting closer, you know? Jen: I know. It's called dating. Ty: I realize that but when does it stop? Jen: You're kidding, right? Ty: Jen...you...you turn me on and the closer we get the more you turn me on. Jen: Is that such a bad thing? Ty: All I'm saying is that it's possible that things could get out of hand. Jen: Really? How out of hand? Ty: I'm serious. Jen: We've barely made out and you're already worried about things going out of hand? Sweet...in a very 1956 sort-of way. Ty: Yeah? Well, how 1956 is this? They start kissing again. Cut to Andie, Dawson, and Pacey at a club. Andie slips off her coat revealing a red spaghetti-strap dress. Pacey notices. Pacey: Wo! Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend? Andie: She's been here all along. Just trapped beneath the bondage of Gap clothing and a good-girl complex. Pacey: Well, the good-girl complex was part of your charm. Andie: Part of my charm. Not all of it. Remember we're having fun? Besides, (missed name of therapist) said I need to let my 'it' out to breathe some fresh air for an evening. Dawson: What exactly are you letting out for an evening? Andie: It's what (therapist) calls your 'it'. It's the part of you that holds your purest impulses and desires. It doesn't care what anyone thinks. It just wants what it wants. Dawson: And what do you think it wants? Andie: Well, I think it's about letting go of all your pre-conceived notions of how you're supposed to talk or how you're supposed to behave and just letting loose for once. Dawson: I could certainly learn something about letting loose. I mean, look at me. I'm sitting in a bar and I'm drinking a straight Coke. Pacey raises an eyebrow. Andie: We could do it together if you want. I mean, it might be good for both of us to get a little...wild tonight. Pacey: Try not to get to wild while I'm away at the washroom, alright? Pacey walks off and the waitress comes to their table. Waitress: Can I get you guys anything else? Andie: Yeah, um, I'll have another Coke and could you tell the bartender to put a little more rum in it this time? Dawson: Yeah, me too, I could barely taste the rum in mine. Waitress: Oh, sorry about that! I'll have him double up on the shots the next round to make up for it. Dawson: Thank you. She walks off. Andie: (excited) Ahhh! I've never drank before!! Dawson: Never. Andie excitedly turns back and watches the stage. Cut to Jack out on the porch. Abby comes out. Abby: So..how does it feel to be the one who set this little (missed word) on it's heels? Jack: Why do you keep talking to me? I don't like you, Abby. Abby: Well, that's because no one likes me. I'm an outcast. Welcome to the club. Jack laughs and walks back towards the door to go inside. Abby: This whole thing is just ridiculous. There's no such thing as gay anyway. Jack stops. Abby: It's just the name people came up with to persecute the normal inclination to go both ways. Jack: What do you--What do you mean? Abby: Well, we're all bisexual, don't you think? We're all just sexual animals under God. This pure atomical society would think our natural impulses are something to be ashamed of when it's really those kind-of attitudes that are the embarrassment. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Pacey, Andie, and Dawson at the bar, Andie and Dawson are obviously drunk. Waitress: How are we doing? Dawson: I think we're ready for another round. Andie: Sounds good to me! Waitress: Okay, two more coming right up. She walks off. Pacey: How many Cokes are you guys going to swill tonight? Dawson and Andie both shrug drunkedly. Employee: Well, alright, as you can probably tell, it's open mike night tonight so who wants to come up here and sing the blues for us? Dawson: I know a little something about the blues. Andie: Alright! C'mon, then! Let's go! Pacey: Uhhhh...I don't think that's the best idea, don't you, sweetheart? Andie: Sure it is! Dawson and Andie walk up on stage. Pacey: Ohh boy... On the stage. Dawson: Alright, boys, the blues! The band starts playing the blues and Andie starts dancing and Dawson adjusts the mike and laughs. Then, he starts singing. Dawson: (singing) My name is Dawson Leery. I'm feeling kind of weary. Today is my birthday. You all look a little blurry. The girl I cared for, Left me and ran away, Straight into the arms of, A GUY THAT TURNED OUT TO BE GAY! I got the blues! Yeah! Today I woke up feeling like I was born to lose! Yeaaah I got the bluuuuueeesss. Somedays you're born to lose! (stops singing) Here's my friend Andie, she's going to sing you a song because she's got the blues!!!! Andie: (singing) My name is Andie. And my brother's the one that's gay. My other brother died. And my daddy ran away! But I'm still Andie. And my boyfriend makes me randy His name is Pacey, AND MY MOM'S GONE COMPLETELY CRAZY!!!! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah I've got the bluesssssssss! Dawson: Sing it sister! Andie: (singing) Sometimes you swear you were born to loooooosssssssseeeeeeee! Dawson: (singing) Oh, we got the bluesss! Now it's time to put on my dancing shoes! Whoooooo! Yeaaaaaaaaahh! Alright! Oh, I've been restless, hopeless and confused, This girl that I told you about, She's been on the move, She's at my surrrrprise party where everyone I know is at right now, And when I show up late they're GONNA HAVE A COW! Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh I got the bluuuuuuuueeeeeeeesssss! I swear sometimes we were born to lose! Andie: No, brother man, WE got the blues. Andie & Dawson: (singing) We got the bluuueeeessss! Dawson: (singing) Sometimes you're, you were born to lose! Ohhhhh yeah. Everybody claps. Andie and Dawson walk back to their table. Pacey gets up and gets Andie's coat. Pacey: Well, what do you say we end this evening on a high note and get off to that not-so surprise party. Dawson: I think we're having a dirty, no-good time right here. Andie: Hear, hear!!! Pacey sits back down. Pacey: What's gotten into you two tonight? Andie: Well, it's his birthday! Dawson: That's right! Andie: So what do you want to do next? Pacey takes a drink of Andie's Coke. Pacey: So you guys have been drinking! Dawson: Excuse me, waitress! Make it a double this time with just a splash of Coke. You know what, I think a splash is too much, make it just a spla. No shhhhhh at all. Andie: No sh. Waitress: Before I bring you anything else the bartender asked me to check your IDs. Andie: laughs Check our IDs?! You should of done that, like, 5 drinks ago because you know what? We are 16 years old!! Dawson laughs and puts his finger to his lips "shush"ing Andie. Andie: No, we are! And you know what? You, Little Missy, have just broken the law! You could lose your job over this! Not only could you lose your job but you guys could lose your liquor license! And, you know what, this is my boyfriend and his father is the town sheriff and how would-- Pacey: No, no. He taps Dawson on the shoulder, who's been laughing this whole time, to get up. Pacey: Hey, she's kidding. It's a joke. It's a joke. Pacey's dragging them out of the bar. Andie: No, I'm not! I have my ID right here. Wanna see it? Pacey: Let's go. What were you thinking, huh? Cut to the party. Mitch walks towards Gail by the punch bowl. Mitch: So I was out in the garage and I saw the Explorer. Very beautiful. A nice gift. Except I only thought that Dawson's first car would be more like the one I had when I was a boy. Like some old jalopy or something. Of course it's your decision. Gail: It seems that most of the decisions that came with the marriage are mine these days, except, of course, the decision about the marriage itself. Cut to the Explorer in the garage with steam-covered windows. All of a sudden in a Titanic-like scene someone's hand hits the glass. Cut to inside the car, Jen and Ty are making out. Ty: Okay, okay, we have to stop. I can't do this. I'm sorry Jen. Jen: You should be. Ty: It's not entirely my fault. Jen: Oh, really. What role am I playing in your personal inner struggle? Ty: You're tempting me. Jen: That's a load of crap. Ty: I'm sorry, Jen, but as attracted as I am to you. I don't believe in pre-marital sx and no matter what you say or do is not going to convince me that it's right. Jen: Who said anything about sx? Jen climbs out of the Explorer. Ty follows. Ty: Jen, I mean it's perfectly clear that your history of kissing isn't just kissing! Jen angrily whips around surprised. Jen: My history?! Ty: Jen, we're types of people and just as I'm likely to be found in church on Sunday-- Jen: I'm more of a Saturday night slut?! Ty: I didn't say that. Jen: Then how come I have never felt more like one? Cut to Jack standing alone on the stairs inside the Leery house. Abby walks up to him. Abby: His own party and he's not even here yet, what a guy. Jack: Do you really think it's true what you said earlier? About everyone having bisexual inclinations? Abby: Oh, absolutely. Cut to them in Dawson's room. Abby: You know, the Dawson and Joey's of the universe are pretty advanced for their age but with all the time they spend examining their navals, you'd think they'd be more open to the possibilities. Jack lifts up his shirt a little and looks at his naval. Jack: You know, you're right! There's a whole world of possibilites in there. They laugh. Abby looks at hers. Abby: In here, too. She sits down on the bed. Jack: Yeah, maybe you're not Satan after all. Of course, I don't think Satan has a belly button. He sits down next to her. Abby: Well, us outcasts have to learn how to stick together. Cut to back downstairs, Joey walks by carrying a bowl when Dawson, Andie, and Pacey burst through the door. Dawson: SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Dawson and Andie head for another room and Joey walks up to Pacey. Joey: You're late. This party's a disaster. Pacey: Don't get me started. Joey: Are they...? Pacey: Yes, rum in Cokes, they got past me. Cut to Andie and Dawson standing on top of the kitchen table dancing. Joey: C'mon you guys. Andie: What? You wanna dance? Joey helps Dawson down and Pacey grabs Andie. Cut to Joey leading Dawson down a hallway. Dawson: HEY! It's my birthday! I can do whatever I want to do! Joey: Yeah, but we need to go where your parents can't see you. Dawson stumbles on the stairs and Joey helps him up. He spots some people on the stairs. Dawson: HEY! WHAT'S UUUUUP? Joey: We're going to get some coffee in your system. God knows it probably won't help but it's the only thing I can think of right now. Dawson: I've got the blues, Jo. Do you know anything about the blues? Joey: More than I care to. They walk into Dawson's room to find Jack kissing Abby. Dawson starts laughing hysterically. He plays the air guitar Dawson: (singing) THE GUY I WAS TALKING ABOUT, WHO SAID HE WAS GAY, I KNOW SATURDAY, HE DECIDED TO SWING BOTH WAYS!!!!!!!!!! Dawson falls back on his bed playing air guitar and Abby's laughing. Jack: Joey. Joey: I can't deal with this, okay? Joey leaves and Jack follows her out. Dawson: (singing to Abby) Sometimes you were born to lose. She laughs. Cut to Joey coming down the stairs. Jack's following her. Abby's following him. Jack: Joey! Abby: (to Kelly and Jaycee) Not so gay anymore. Jack: More gay than ever. Cut to Gail bring Dawson's cake over. Dawson walks in. Gail: Aw, perfect timing, honey, I was just about to call you as soon as I lit the candles. Dawson: What? Time to make a wish? Gail: Dawson, honey, have you been drinking? Dawson: Time to make a wish, okay...let's make a wish. Everyone's quiet and listening to him. Dawson: I wish..I wish that my mom never slept with her co-anchor. I wish that my father would stop talking about actually getting a job and go out and get one! I wish the two of you would stop your petty bickering and at least pretend to be the adults around here! I wish that my friend Pacey would just end this transformation of this A-student, do-gooder, all-around sanctamonious angel and would go back to what he does best which is make me feel good about my life when his is supposed to be worse. And then there's Jen Lindley with her drunkedness and her revolving boyfriends and her wild, wicked ways. I want to party with you! Ah, and then there's Jack McPhee. Jack McPhee who likes guys but doesn't mind stealing my girlfriend! Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, starring in his very own version of In & Out. He's in, he's out! He's in! He's out! In, out! Nice hair by the way. And then, of course, there's my Joey. My sweet, precious Joey. The only 16-year-old in the world that needed to find herself. But you know what? That's okay. I accept it. You need to find yourself, and I accept it. He turns around. Dawson: (cont.) So Joey! Joey? He starts looking everywhere, under tables, around people. Dawson: (cont.) Excuse me? Where's my Joey? Joey! There she is! There's my Joey! He walks over to her and kisses her. She pushes him away. Joey: Cut it out, Dawson! He falls into the cake. Cut to Dawson throwing up in the sink and Andie hunched over the toilet. Andie: Oh, God. This is all my fault. Or is it my It's fault? Is it my fault? Dawson: I've learned one thing from my iniation into the evils of alcohol. Be careful what you eat because you're going to see it again. Andie: And again and again and again. Oh, God, I swear I am never drinking again.Oh, God, I am so mortified at my behavior tonight and to think your parents saw me this way! Dawson: I swear if I survive this night, and if any of my family or friends every speak to me again, I swear I'll never let another drop of alcohol touch my lips. Andie: And if you ever see me pick up a drink, please remind me of how I'm feeling right now. Dawson: Deal. Dawson and Andie quickly look at each other before hunching over to puke again. Cut to Gail going out on the porch with Mitch. Mitch: Have we completely screwed up our son's life? Gail: No, he's 16 years old. You remember being 16, don't you? Mitch: All to well. Gail: Well, I'm taking the Explorer back to the dealer tomorrow. His behavior tonight shows me that he's not ready for the responsibility of a new car. It was, I admit, possibly not the soundest decision that I've ever made. Mitch: We could, um, go in on some old car together if you want. Gail: Sounds like a plan. Maybe we could cover the down payment and he could work to pay off the rest. Maybe he'd learn something about the value of money and mistakes. Mitch: Well, I guess we're all still learning about that. Cut to Jack walking down the dock towards Joey. Jack: Hey. Joey: Hey. You know, it's bad enough that I organized the world's worst surprise party, Jack, but Abby? I mean, after what she did to your family and everyone else...I don't know, I guess I just thought that if you were to go straight again you would chose someone like...Cindy Crawford or something. Jack: Everyone's been telling me how okay they are with me coming out. You, Pacey, that (missed word), that guidance counselor... Joey: I'm sorry for being so accepting...would you rather everyone just turn against you? Jack: No, it's--she said some things tonight that made me feel like I was just like everyone else. I guess I just saw what I could have become, this whole thing, someone on the fringes like Abby. Joey: So if we hadn't of walked in... Jack: I still would've stopped. I knew it from the minute I started that I was--that I am gay. Joey: You know, Jack, I think everyone feels alone and wants to be normal and I don't think anyone really ever does. Jack: I don't want to be singled out, you know? Like I have some scarlet 'G' on my chest. You know? The Ellen of Capeside. Joey: We're all going through the painful process of growing up. You just have this extra layer of difficulty but you're incredibly lucky to have people who support you. Don't lose sight of that. Jack: Yeah...I guess the thought of being gay...seemed like such a lonely thought. I just don't want to end up alone. Cut to Jen walking into her porch where Ty is sitting there, waiting. Ty: I don't think we should see each other anymore. Jen: So you waited on a freezing cold porch to tell me something that was perfectly clear two hours ago? Ty: I just need to explain myself. Jen: No, you don't. You have natural, God-given impulses that everybody in your life has told you are wrong to follow. So instead of growing your own conscience you try to drag me through your own grief and I'm not going to stand for it. Ty: Jen! Jen! You need to understand that all my life has been about the church. The beliefs, the teachings, they're all I know. Jen: So let me get this straight. You're a Christian but you like to booze it up and you like to party, right? You judge people for being gay and you go around saying heterosexual sx is the way of the lord but you won't actually have heterosexual sx. Ty: Look, I know it sounds complicated. I'm struggling with the fact that I am a teenage guy with all of the struggles that go along with that. Desires that are in direct opposition to everything that I've been taught to believe and when I'm with you, all sense of reason just flies out of my head because you're so beautiful and sexy and I want you so badly. I am so sorry that I hurt your feelings tonight. Please understand that this is about me and has nothing to do with you. Jen: Ty, this has everything to do with me. I liked you. Ty: Yeah, I know. Jen: No, you don't! I mean, I really liked you. And despite what you may think about my past experiences, my kissing you tonight was not my desire for something more. It was for something pure, something that I haven't felt in a long time, and you ruined that. Ty: Maybe..maybe someday when I deal with my baggage maybe this can work out. Jen: Anybody that can make me feel like this doesn't deserve a maybe. She shuts the door in his face. Cut to Dawson laying on his bed. Joey walks in. Joey: Hey. Dawson: Hey. Joey: How you doin'? Dawson: Oh, I'll be fine...after the room stops spinning. Joey: I'm sure you'll be better in the morning. Dawson: God, Joey, whatever I said I am so sorry. I was a complete idiot. Joey: Don't worry about it, Dawson. I forgive you. I mean, even you are allowed to make a few mistakes in this world and I'm sure that everyone else will forgive you eventually, too. You pretty much told the truth anyway. Dawson: Yeah, but the way I did it....God, I am so lonely. I'm 16 years old and I'm so hopelessly lonely. Joey: Is that why you got drunk? Dawson: Yeah...Jo, why did you break up with me and run straight to Jack? Joey: Because he wasn't you. Look, it was never about looking for something better, Dawson. It was about looking for someone who wasn't so close to me. Where I could tell where I ended and he began. I mean, our lives have always been so intertwined that in many ways I feel like you partially invented me, Dawson. And that scares me so much. I need to find out if I can be a whole person without you. I need to find out if I can be a whole person....alone. Dawson: Well, do it quickly, okay? Because....God, I love you. Joey closes her eyes trying to keep control and Dawson closes his, falling asleep. Joey: (whispers) I love you too, Dawson. She looks out towards the window and then back at Dawson and gets up and walks towards it. Outside it's snowing. Joey watches the snow, closes her eyes and makes a wish.
doc_143	At the store (Marco is playing online poker while his dad installs an alarm system.) Spinner: (To a customer) Hey and receipt's in the bag. Sale's on all week. Spread the word. Mr. Del Rossi: 1637. You have 20 seconds to punch it in. You got that Marco? Marco: Huh? Yeah. Yeah I got that pop. Thanks. Spinner: Getting robbed once was enough, you know? And the new signage looks great Mr. D.R. Mr. Del Rossi: Yeah. Spinner: Cash only, right? Mr. Del Rossi: Hey you can't trust banks. The service fees, low interest. Talk about getting robbed. Hey uh me and Uncle Louie are gonna play the ponies. You boys want to come when you close up? Spinner: Yeah! Marco: No, not tonight. Mr. Del Rossi: You know sometimes you worry me Marco. This is life. You've got to live it. (He leaves and Spinner walks over to Marco.) Spinner: Dude, come on. You've been Johnny Long-Face all week. Marco: Oh so it's been a week since Dylan left. 'Cause you know with constant phone tag and no e-mails, it's like poof! My boyfriend just disappeared off the face of the earth. Spinner: Last I heard, Sweden was still on earth. Marco: For the last time Spinner, Switzerland! Spinner: Whatever. Look Dylan's got practice every day, road trips with the team, workouts with the team- Marco: Long hot showers with the team. Spinner: Dude you have an actively gay imagination. Marco: Spin do you have any idea how hard it is to go from always having somebody there to being totally alone? Spinner: Look when Dylan was here, nobody ever saw you. You two just played house 24/7. Don't hermit out with your laptop now that he's gone. (Marco wins his online game.) Marco: Hah! Whatever buddy. I just won 200 bucks! Are you finished with your lecture? At Marco, Paige and Ellie's Marco: (On the phone) Hey Dylan. It's in the middle of the night your time. Calling you, so call me back. Love you. Bye. (Paige walks in.) Paige: Hey Marco, Spin. How's Fortress Squatch Designs? Marco: The alarm's armed and ready. What's with the hush-hush? Paige: Well when Ellie gave me the green light to date her ex, I'd say she was just a touch colour-blind. Ellie: I heard that! Paige: If Jessie calls, I'll be hiding in my room. Spinner: Oh fun times at the Del Rossi, Michalchuck, Nash, Tenako, Uchi abode. Marco: Spin this is driving me nuts. Spinner: Dude come on. You're coopered up inside. It's cold, wet, winter yuck out there. You need a change of scenery. Marco: You know what, bud? You're right. You're right! What's the opposite of cold, wet, winter yuck? Spinner: Hot, dry, summer yum? Marco: Exactly. So I'm thinking va-cay! Me, you, Daytona Beach. Spinner: Daytona? Marco: Yeah! Spinner: I would have expected Sweden! Switzerland, to visit your swister-mister. Marco: So what? It's a long distance relationship Spin, emphasis on distance. He's having fun. I just, I want to have mine. Spinner: Spring break, eh? Marco: Yeah! Spinner: Hotties on top of hotties. That my friend is yum. (Spinner's excitement fades.) Marco: What? Spinner: Dude every cent I had went into the store. Marco: No, no don't worry. I have a plan. (They're shown playing online poker.) Spinner: Wait this is your plan? Playing online poker? Marco: You got a better one? Oh yes. Yes she folded! I win again. Yes! Ellie: I'm reading Chekhov over here. Marco: Sorry Ellie! Hey man, guys let's hit a club. Come on, it's on me. Spinner: Wait, what about our trip money? Marco: I'll win more. It's what I do! At a club Marco: Oh thanks guys for hanging out tonight. I needed this. Jimmy: Ah no prob, man. Me and Spin can study for our test next week. Jay: Yo gangsta's. What's the haps? Spinner: Just celebrating Marco's big online poker score. Jay: You must be quite the shark, Del Rossi. Marco: Well I used to play with my boyfriend. Jay: Yes you're gay. Super. If you want to make some real coin, me and the guys at work have a little something going on. Marco: Define a little something. Jay: Texas Holdem. $20 gets you in the door, $100 gets you in the game. At Friendship Club Darcy: Our charity turkey dinner gave over 100 people a hot, tasty meal. Kim: And we're organizing another event for the end of semester dance. So suggestions, anyone? Nackman: Um used glasses drive? Peter: Great idea, Nackman. Darcy, my mom's asking for you. It's actually kind of important. Darcy: I better not keep the boss lady waiting. (Kim rolls her eyes as Darcy leaves.) Peter: I lied. Darcy: Oh really? Peter: Screw my mom's 'no girlfriend' policy. I've been thinking about you all week. Darcy: Someone might see us. (He gives her a necklace with a key on it.) Peter: It's the key to my heart. Don't say where you got it. It can be our secret. Darcy: It's adorable, Peter. Thanks. (She kisses him on the cheek.) At Marco, Paige and Ellie's Ellie: Lots more closet space in my room. Paige: Ellie I know you had your eye on Dylan's room, but he gave it to me. Ellie: Well we should have a had a vote. Paige: Not a big fan of democracy hon. Marco, tell her you don't mind if I take Dylan's room. Ellie: Don't let 'Princess Always Gets Her Way' bully you...or manipulate you! She has a way with men. Paige: You and Jesse broke up. Ellie: Yeah just! Marco, tell her... Marco: Shut up! I'm not going to referee your catfight about the room, or Jesse, or anything! Just work it out yourselves. (They leave and Marco closes his laptop.) Marco: Get me out of here. In media immersion Mr. Simpson: Okay Monday minds. Last week we started talking about online community moderation. Any thoughts? Is it good, bad? Peter: It's censorship. Kim: It's about keeping the internet safe for everybody. Peter: Yeah well who gets to decide what's safe and what's not, Kim? You? Darcy: I'm not surprised you'd say that. You only care about yourself. (Peter looks shocked, but Darcy gives him a wink.) Peter: Yeah well you only care about what people think about you. Darcy: At least I have a conscience. Peter: At least I can think for myself. Submit to peer pressure much? Mr. Simpson: Guys. Darcy: Submit to ugliness much? Peter: Can you tell through all that eye fat? Darcy: Eye fat? That is so pathetic. Mr. Simpson: No seriously enough. Thank you. Outside Marco: Here. Blow our poker dreams on this. Spinner: And if we lose? Marco: We won't. I know what I'm doing. Spinner: Dude it's not money in the bank. Jay's friends are poker ninjas. Marco: Yeah exactly. That's what makes it fun. High risk, high reward. Spinner: Coming from you? That's bonkers Marco: Spin, you and Jimmy opened up a store, right? Ellie hooked up with her boss. Even flame-out Paige is starting over and Dylan...Dylan is off on his European hockey adventure. What have I done? Spinner: Kept your marks up. Marco: Oh wow! Whoop-de-do. I'm mashed potatoes, man. I'm boring and I'm bored and I just, I need a rush. Come on. At Degrassi Darcy: How'd you get in here? Peter: Tell you a secret? It's never locked. (They start kissing.) Peter: Oh next time we're fake fighting, can you tone down the 'you're ugly' stuff? Darcy: You said I have eye fat. Peter: It was all I could think of. Your eyes are beautiful. Darcy: And you're not ugly, stupid. Janitor: Peter Stone! I wonder if your mom would like to hear about this. At the garage Spinner: Fold. Jay: Ah me too. Can't lose what you don't put in, right? Marco: Yeah can't win much, either. Raise 100. Jake: Going Vegas on me, boss? Alright let's double it. Marco: Impressive. I'm in. (They keep playing.) Marco: I'm all in. You with me? Jay: Well if you can't spot the sucker, you are the sucker. Jake: The question is what's his tell. Marco: When you figure it out, you let me know. Jake: It's all yours, boss. Spinner: Yes! Money for nothing. Jake: Hey this is how it works. We get a chance to win it back. Tomorrow. Marco: Alright, if you want to keep giving me your money, I'm gonna gladly keep taking it. Spinner: Daytona! [SCENE_BREAK] At a club Paige: Oh uh hello. Marco left a message. Some urgent need to rage? Ellie: Oh there's been raging. Marco: Hey, hey! Fun patrol's here. No cat-fighting tonight, ladies. Promise? Paige: Yeah fine. What is up? Marco: I am, babe. Tonight I am so wired. Spinner: He pretty well bankrupted these hardcore poker dudes. Marco: I had them eating out of my hands. Paige: Look at you, Mr. High Roller. Marco: Next stop: The Matador. Come on! Ellie: Woah, the after hours club? I can't. I have an essay. Marco: Ellie! Ellie you can't find love in an essay. You got to live! Spinner: And I've got a test. Come on. Put it away. Marco: Spin we're rich. We're celebrating. I'm happy. What's the problem here? Spinner: You dude. You're being an ass. Marco: Spin this is the first time I've had fun in ages and it's all thanks to my triple P, perfect poker partner. Come on man, let's just roll with this. Let's see how much money we can make. Please! At the poker game Spinner: Fold again. Surprise. Jay: Raise it 50. Shark boy? Marco: Funny thing about poker. You know nobody remembers how you built your fortune, just how you lost it. Jake: We're making memories tonight, right boss? Call. Jay: I think I'm gonna go in another 50. Marco? Marco: I'm all in. Spinner: Dude that's everything. Jake: Yeah not this time bluff-maestro. I'll see you. Let's have 'em. Jay: You are toast shark boy! Yes! Marco: Okay it's fine. It's fine. I um...I just, I need a loan to buy back in and I'll win it back. Jake: Yeah, how much? Marco: Um... Tony: What the hell is going on? Jay: Hey Tony you want in? Tony: Don't get smart. You guys want to keep your jobs, this ends now. Everybody out. (Marco and Spinner are walking outside.) Marco: Look everybody goes bust, okay? My luck will turn. Just trust me. Spinner: Trust you? Marco you just lost $1100. Kiss it goodbye. I did. Marco: What? What about our trip, man? The hotties? Spinner: Dude it's over. Go home, watch TV with your dad. Maybe he can talk some sense into you. You just got to stop. At the Del Rossi house Marco: Hey pop. Mr. Del Rossi: Hey son. Can't stay away from your mom's cooking, eh? Marco: How'd you and Uncle Louie do at the track? Mr. Del Rossi: We had fun. Marco: Did you guys win any money? Mr. Del Rossi: We had fun, Marco. Why? Marco: No, I'm just making conversation. Mr. Del Rossi: Yeah? Well you know what goes good with that? Some of your mom's homemade cannelloni. She put some in the freezer before she went to bingo. No sit. (Marco sees his dad's wallet and takes out all the cash.) At Degrassi Darcy's IM: How sneaky can you be? (Peter starts typing back when Kim walks over to Darcy.) Kim: E-mailing your boyfriend? Darcy: Very funny Kim. Kim: I'm just kidding. All set to work on our drama project after school? Darcy: Oh. Um I have a grandma's birthday thing. Can we reschedule? Kim: Fine. That's the last time I cancel majorettes for you. In the park Peter: Anyone see you? Darcy: No. Not that this is the perfect hiding place. How sneaky did you have to be? (They hug.) Peter: Darce I'm sorry it has to be like this...sneaking around, lying. Darcy: What we're doing isn't really bad. It's kind of fun. You're fun. Peter: So are you. So much fun. (Kim walks by with her dog and sees them kissing.) Kim: Darcy?! Darcy: Kim? Kim: Wish your grandma 'happy birthday' for me. (She walks away angry.) Darcy: Sugar... At the store, during the poker game Jake: If I win this hand, I'll buy everyone a t-shirt. Jay: I must say Mr. Del Rossi, you have some nice digs here, no girlfriends, no grease monkey bosses. This could be a regular gig, huh? Marco: Yeah right. If anybody finds out we're using the store, I'm dead. Call. Jay: Oh! Marco: Raise a hundred. Jake: There's no way you got the straight flush, bluff-maestro. Jay: Well beautiful thing is, there's no such thing as a locked hand. Marco: So Jake, you in or you out? Jake: I'm in, boss. Police officer: What's going on? We got a break and enter call. Marco: No, no, no, no. There must be some mistake. I work here. (The cop starts arresting Marco.) Marco: No just let me finish this hand. Police officer: Game's over, fellas. Marco: What? Are you kidding me? Don't you guys have some kind of murder you could be solving? Police officer: You're under arrest for trespassing. At Peter's (Darcy is at his window.) Peter: What are you doing? Darcy: Maybe if you answered your phone or returned my messages. Peter: Kim tattled to my mom! Darcy: Kim should mind her own beeswax. There's nothing wrong with us being together. Peter: Yeah well we're not going to be together. My parents are talking about sending me to boarding school. Darcy: What?! She can't. Peter: She also said that if you know what's good for you, you'd keep your distance. Darcy: Your mom can't keep us apart, Peter. Do you believe that love conquers all? Peter: I don't think it's gonna be enough. There's always something in our way. Darcy: I'll be at our secret place tomorrow. Prove to me that you're not the type to give up. At the store Marco: Spinner! Spinner thank god. Tell her, tell her that I- Spinner: What is going on here, Marco? Marco: Dude I pressed the alarm code and it didn't even go off. Spinner: It's a silent alarm, idiot. Police officer: Is this a friend of yours? Spinner: He's a part-time employee. Police officer: With permission to be here? Spinner: No. Police officer: I'm gonna have to take him in. Come on. At Degrassi (Darcy is about to leave when Peter walks in.) Peter: If they're sending me away, I have nothing to lose except you. Darcy: Peter you've got me. (They kiss.) At Marco, Paige and Ellie's Mr. Del Rossi: Ellie let me in. Uncle Louie talked to his cop buddy at 54. You had trouble at the store? Marco: Yeah I was hoping you wouldn't find out about that. Mr. Del Rossi: Yeah well Uncle Louie mentioned a poker game. Marco: The police confiscated the money so I have a bunch of mechanics for enemies now, but Spinner dropped the trespassing charges. It's fine. Mr. Del Rossi: I guess you're lucky. So do you know anything about the $600 I'm missing? Marco: Uh...I was in the hole dad. Mr. Del Rossi: Marco! How could you? Marco: I needed it! Come on. You know how it is. You gamble every weekend. Mr. Del Rossi: Marco you stole from family. Are you in trouble or something, Marco? Is there something you're not telling me? Marco: No! It's Dylan, dad. Mr. Del Rossi: Well how is Dylan the problem, Marco? Marco: I feel empty without him dad. I'm lost. He's my boyfriend. Mr. Del Rossi: You think I'm stupid? Marco: No, of course not. Mr. Del Rossi: You have used your friends and your family because playing cards was more important. No matter what Dylan is to you, he is not a part of this and you know that. Marco: I'm done. I'm done with it, okay? I promise. I understand if you hate me for it. Mr. Del Rossi: Marco, you're my son. I'm gonna watch you. Just go to school and if you have any honour, you'll come and see me at the shop to work off what you stole. People leave Marco. You have to live your own life.
doc_144	Andy: Good morning, Pam. Pam: Oh, welcome back, Andy. Andy: Drew. I'm Drew now. Pam: Oh. Drew. Sorry. Andy: Apology not... accepted. Because it wasn't even necessary in the first place. [laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Several weeks ago, Andy Bernard had an incident. [cut to shot of Andy punching a hole in the wall] But after five weeks in Anger Management, I'm back. And I've got a new attitude. And a new name. And... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Mornin' Jim. Jim: Hey, Andy. How are you, man? Andy: Good. Drew. Jim: What's that? Andy: Dr--- You can call me Drew. Jim: No, I'm not gonna call you that. Andy: Cool. I can't control what you do. I can only control what I do. Jim: Andy. Andy: Drew. [walks to Dwight] Dwight. How's it goin' man? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday... for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned. Jim: Andy, Dwight says welcome back, and he could use a hug. Dwight: Ok, tell him that's not true. Jim: Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks. Andy: You guys... Dwight: Ok, no. Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him! Jim: [half-heartedly] Andy! Nah, that's too far. Dwight: Damn you. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Today is Safety Training Day. Toby is leading ours upstairs. Yeauck. But, I am giving everyone a little bit of a treat. We are going to listen in on Darryl's presentation to the warehouse. And if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Now, this is the forklift. You need--- [Michael rattles it] You need a license to operate this machine. That means the upstairs office workers can't drive it. ... Quiz! Mike. Michael: Hmm. Darryl: Should you drive the forklift? Michael: I can, and I have. Darryl: No! No no no no no! I said should you. You should not drive it. You should not drive the forklift, you understand? Lonny: You're not allowed to drive the forklift. Darryl: It's not safe, you don't have a license. Michael: Guys, I'm not the only one who's driven the forklift. [points] Pudge has driven the forklift. Madge: Madge. Michael: I thought your name was Pudge? Madge: No, it's always been Madge. Michael: Okay. Um, her. Darryl: Her. Yes, "her" is qualified to work a dangerous machine. You are not. Okay? Michael: Ah, fine. Darryl: Do you understand that? Michael: Yeeesh. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: We do safety training every year, or after an accident. ... We've never made it a full year. This particular time, I was reaching for a supply box on the top shelf, when one office worker, who shall remain nameless, kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [barely keeping his composure] "Hey Darryl, how's it hangin'?!" [laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: And I fell and busted my ankle. I'm legitimately scared for my workers. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: The baler can flatten a car engine. It can cut off your arm and crush your entire body without skipping a beat. Dwight: Yeah! Andy: It's on! Darryl: How many people a year do you think get their arms cut off in a baler? Michael: Bail'er? I hardly know her. Lonny: Dammit, Michael. Pay attention, man. Darryl: Anybody wanna take a guess? Anybody? Kevin: Five bucks says it's over 50. Jim: You really wanna bet? Darryl: Anybody? Kevin: Ever since March Madness ended, I am so bored. Guy: How many? Jim: Ok, you're on. Darryl: Ten people, Michael. Ten people. Would you like to be one of them? Kevin: [mouths] Damn... Darryl: [in background] You have to be alert, and calm. And always careful... Jim: No, don't worry about it. We'll just got double or nothin'. Kevin: On what? Jim: I don't know, we'll figure somethin' out. Kevin: Nice. Oscar: What are you guys talkin' about? Darryl: These are very dangerous machines down here, and the upstairs workers, Michael, should not go anywhere near them. Michael: Yes, yes. But it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world... if somebody... Darry: It would be the worst thing in the world! It would! Very much so. Lonny: What the hell is wrong with this man? Michael: It's a big red trash compactor! Lonny: What are you--- Darryl: It's not a trash compactor! It's a baler! Lonny: Don't disrespect the baler! Michael: Okay, okay! I got it. I got it. ... Only on the rarest of occasions... Darryl: No do not touch it! Michael: ...would I go near--- Darryl: There is no occasion for you to go near this stuff, okay? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Toby now has the floor... and he is going to try not to screw this up, like everything else in his life. Let me rephrase that. I believe that you can do safety training and make it sound just as good as Darryl. Here we go! Toby: Ok, um, one thing that you're gonna want to look out for is carpal tunnel syndrome. It's recommended that you take a ten minute break from typing every hour. For your circulation, you're gonna want to get up out of your chairs and uh, and move around about ten minutes every hour. Michael: Yes, good. Fine. Like stretching and... Toby: Um, yeah. You're computer screen can be a big strain on your eyes, so uh, it's also recommended that you step away for about... about ten minutes every hour. Michael: Wow, that is... that time really adds up. That's like... a half an hour, every hour? Darryl: Take them at the same time. Michael: Ok, you know what? You're making it sound kind of lame. So, skip ahead to the really dangerous stuff. Like sometimes computers can explode, can they not? Toby: No, no. Um, you always want to keep a sweater or cardigan of some sort, in case it gets drafty. Ryan: What about a long sleeve T? Toby: Well, that'll work. Kevin: Long johns? A shaw? Toby: You know, anything that warms you. Michael: Ok, you know what? I think that everybody is going to vomit due to boredom. [to warehouse guys] Sorry, he is very lame. [takes book from Toby] Um, let's see. "Seasonal affective disorder! A depression that includes weight gain, fatigue, irritability, brought on by the low light of winter." Darryl: Thank God we only had a baler to deal with. Lonny: Yeah, that dim light is a bitch, ain't it? Michael: Ok guys, you know what? I didn't--- I didn't interrupt when you were having your presentation. Darryl: Actually, you did. Michael: Yes. Okay, let's do another one. This is a good one. "A particular concern for office workers is a sedimentary life style, which can contribute---" Toby: Sedentary. Michael: Yes. "Which can contribute to heart disease." Heart disease kills more people that balers. Lonny: That's called having a fat butt, Michael. Michael: Mmmm, no, no, it's... sedentary... Lonny: Yeah, yeah. That's, that's fat butt disease. That's what you suffer from? Michael: No. Lonny: Fat butt disease, Michael? Kelly: Excuse me, sea monster, you weigh like a thousand pounds. Lonny: Yeah? I bet you'd like to swim with this sea monster, wouldn't you? Kelly: Ryan? Lonny: Dude, tell your girl to shut up. Kelly: What?! Ryan: Kelly, you insulted the gentleman. Please apologize. Kelly: Are you kidding me? Darryl: Alright, we outta here. Michael: Darryl, I did not walk out in the middle of yours. So, I--- Lonny: Yeah, but ours was real, Michael. Darryl: That's what I've been trying to tell you, Mike. It's serious down there. We do dangerous stuff, man. This is shenanigans, foolishness, Nerf-ball. You live a sweet, little, Nerf-y life. Sittin' on your biscuit. Never havin' to risk it. Michael: Okay. ... What, Nerf isn't cool anymore? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Darryl thinks he is such a man because he works in a warehouse. I worked in a warehouse. Men's Warehouse. I was a greeter. I'd like to see Darryl greet people. Probably make 'em feel like wimps. Not me, I... "Hello, I'm Michael. Welcome to Men's Warehouse. We have a special on khaki pants today." ... This is one example. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [Pam is holding a jar of jellybeans] Ten. Oscar: Really, ten? That's your guess? You're a professional accountant. Jim: There's like ten green ones. Oscar: Forty-two. Jim: I'm gonna say fifty. Karen: Fifty-one. Jim: Oh, don't be that person. Kevin: That is lame. Karen: It's a strategy! Pam: It's called being smart. Karen: Thank you. Kevin: Oh, geeze. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I don't know how the whole betting thing started, but it's fun. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Ten... Jim: Kev's out. Kevin: Damn it. Pam: 47, 48, 49! Jim wins! Everyone: Oooh! [Jim claps] Kevin: That is not fair. He has spent hours up here at reception with you. Hours and hours. Jim: Okay, okay. Kevin: No, constantly. Like, for years. Jim: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Pam, depression is as scary as a baler, right? Pam: I don't understand the question. Michael: Working in an office can lead to depression. Which can lead to suicide. I mean this is really serious stuff. Pam: Yeah... Michael: I--- I--- Nobody commits suicide because they work with a baler, and yet those guys are makin' fun of me, calling me a Nerf, that... Pam: It's really hard to demonstrate depression. Their safety training had visuals. Michael: Yeah... you are... ah, so right. They had visual aids. And all we had were the facts. You don't go to the science museum and get handed a pamphlet on electricity. You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball, your hair sticks up straight... and you know science. Pam: So, you're okay? Michael: Indubitably. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: They use props. They use visual aids, and they just made us look like dopes. Dwight: Idiots! God, what are we gonna do!? Michael: I don't know, I don't know. Because you know what our killer is? Depression--- Dwight: Wolves. Michael: Nn--- Depression. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Visual aids. Michael: Yes. Dwight: A quilt. Depression quilt? Micheal: No time to sew a quilt. ... I got it. Give me the number for the Giant Big Box Toy Store. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You may be asking yourself, "What am I doing on a trampoline?" Well, I thought I'd bounce here for a while, relieve some stress, and then move on with my day. Not! Here's the plan. Dwight, is going to gather all of the office workers and all of the warehouse guys, we're going to have another safety seminar. Only this time, where's Michael? Oh my God! He is on the roof! Now I have got their attention. I... tell them, about the cold hard facts of depression. And then I say, "Hey! You ever seen a suicide?" And I jump. And they freak out. And they get to see... the dangers of depression with their own eyes. Nice side note[/b]: They might think "Hey, I should have been nicer to Michael." But that's... not why I'm doing this... Then, I land on the trampoline, take a couple extra bounces for fun. I climb off, walk around the corner... Ta-freakin'-da! [Dwight nods] [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. So number five becomes number four, number six becomes number five, [Ryan checks his watch]number three becomes number two, etc, etc. And let's just say that I just sent back Love Actually, which was awesome. [Karen lays money down on the desk next to Ryan] And they sent me Uptown Girls, which is also awesome. But guess what, now I want to see love actually again, [Phyllis throws her money down] but it's at the bottom of the que! Oh no, what do I do!? [Creed throws his money down] What I do, is this. I go online, I go click, click, click. And I change the order of the que, so that I can see Love Actually [Pam throws her money down] as soon as I want to. It's so easy, Ryan. Do you really not know how Netflix works? [Jim throws his money down] Ryan: I guess I forgot. [kisses Kelly, gathers up all the money] Kelly: You're such a ditz. Kevin: Ryan, well done. Two minutes, forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said "awesome" 12 times, and Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [on the roof] Okay, let's do this thing! I'll go summon the troops! Michael: Maybe we should test it first. Letterman-style. Throw a TV over, or... Dwight: We measured it once... Michael: Go buy some watermelons. Dwight: Seedless? Michael: Just... [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: [Creed takes a bite of an apple] Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato. Pam: Hey Creed. Creed: Hey! Pam: Hey. Creed: Hello. [Jim replaces Creed's apple with a potato][Creed takes a bite of the potato] Pam: Yes! Kevin: Here you go. [hands money] Toby: Nice. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: I don't know this place as well as I thought I did. I'm getting cleaned out. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Ready? Michael: Let's do it! Drop that sucker. Dwight: [drops watermelon, watermelon bounces off trampoline, onto a car, bursts, car alarm sounds] Michael: BINGO! WHOA WHOA WHOA! Oh... crap. Deactivate the car alarm. Clean up the mess. Dwight: Okay. Michael: Find out whose car that is. If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes. Dwight: Got it. Michael: Also, take apart the trampoline, stick it in the baler. Dwight: We're not allowed to use the baler. Michael: Have Pa--adge do it, or... the sea monster. Dwight: I'm on it! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I'm temporarily lifting the shun. Andy: Thank you. Dwight: It means nothing. I need you to do something for me. Andy: Anything. Dwight: Okay, calm down. I need you to acquire an inflatable house, and/or castle. Andy: You mean a moon bounce. Dwight: What do you think? You've got an hour. Andy: I'm gonna need... I'm gonna need petty cash. Dwight: Shunning resumed. Andy: Do you, do you want a drawbridge? Dwight: Un-shun. Yeah that sounds good. Re-shun. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Oh yeah, this is much better. Safer. Excellent decision. Michael: Yes, thank you for seeing that. Dwight: When you land, try and land like an eight year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults. Michael: I don't know if I wanna do this. Dwight: Do you wanna do another test? I got plenty of watermelons in my trunk! Michael: No. No more. The tests are going terrible. If we keep doing it, we're not gonna want to jump. This is about doing, not thinking. Dwight: That's right! Doing! Totally doing! It's rock n' roll! Michael: Rock n' roll! Dwight: Yeah! Michael: That's right! I am not thinking. Dwight: [imitating the sound and playing an air guitar] Near near near near near! Michael: Yes! Yeah! Dwight: [singing] Michael is awesome! Jumpin' off the roof! Michael: Woo! Dwight: [singing] Bouncin' on the bouncy bounce! Show 'em who's boss! Michael: Woo! Dwight: [singing] Rip a hole in the suuuuuuun! Michael: I am ready to do this! I am ready to make a point! [Dwight continues air guitar] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [out of breath] Guys! Listen up! Michael is up on the roof, and acting strange! Andy: Whoa! What's the situation? Dwight: [hesitates] Un-shun. I think he's suffering from depression. Re-shun. Andy: Ok, when's the shunning thing gonna end? Dwight: Un-shun. Never. Re-shun. I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot and watch him die! Stanley: Is it nice outside? Dwight: It's gorgeous. Let's go! Stanley: Do I need my jacket? Dwight: No really, it's, it's very nice. Come on! Ryan: Will I be too warm in a long sleeve T? Dwight: Everybody's gonna be fine in exactly what they're wearing, let's go! Let's go! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [outside] Come on, hurry up you guys! Michael: [on the roof] My life! Oh, my life... Dwight: [on megaphone] Michael, what's wrong?! Michael: Everything's wrong. The stress of my modern office, has caused me to go into a depression. Dwight: Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? Michael: Dwight, you ignorant slut. Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32 thousand people commit suicide every year! According to a 2004 study! Dwight: Is that the last year the data was available? Michael: Yes! My head is in such pain! And turmoil! Dwight: Don't do anything rash! Michael: Wait, where are the warehouse guys? Dwight: I didn't... [Dwight runs up to the side of the building] I didn't think you needed them for this part. Michael: Okay... that's... Dwight: you said to just... Michael: That's the whole point, dummy. Dwight: Okay, I'm on it! Michael: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Attention blue collar workers! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: What are the odds that this is in any way real? Jim: I'd say like... 10,000 to 1? Kevin: Okay, I'd like ten bucks on those odds. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Michael's up on the roof and he's acting strange! Michael: Oooooh, my life! Dwight: Michael! What's wrong? Michael: Everything is wrong, Dwight. The stress of my modern office, has made me depressed. Dwight: Depressed? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? Michael: Dwight, you ignorant slut. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Well, you know, the first performance was a little off. But I really think they hit their stride, in the second show. Um, might even bring my parents tomorrow, to the matinee. Michael: And that is why, I am going to jump off this roof! Jim: Oh, excuse me. It's my... favorite part. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: This is just offensive. Ryan: At least we're outside. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: [zipping up his pants] Hey, check it out, there's a... there's a castle over there. Jim: Oh my God, there is a castle. Dwight: No, there's nothing to see over there, people! There's nothing to see. ...They found the castle, Michael. Michael: Damn it. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oh... God. Oh my God, he's gonna jump. Jim: Oh. He's going to kill himself, pretending to kill himself. Pam: Yeah... [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey uh, Michael. Don't jump on the bouncy castle. You can't do that, because you're going to get horribly, horribly injured. Pam: Hey Michael! I have a present for you, but you have to come down and get it. Michael: What is it? Pam: Come down and... open it and you'll see. Michael: Dwight, find out what the present is. Dwight: Okay, uh... I don't see anything. She might be bluffing. Jim: Dwight... Pam: Dwight, what are you--- Dwight: Oh... It's uh, a Repliee Q1 Expo female robot, they're only available in Japan. Michael: Dwight, you are such a liar. Pam, really, what is it? Darryl: Mike, this is the opposite of safety. You jump, you're gonna serious hurt yourself. Michael: You told me, that I lead a... cushy, wimpy, Nerf life. Darryl: Yeah, but I never said you had nothing to live for. Michael: What do I have to live for? Darryl: A lot... of things. Uh, you, uh... What about Jan? Lovely, lovely, lovely Jan, man. It's goin' good, right? Michael: It's complicated with Jan. And I don't know where I stand, or what I want. The s*x isn't nearly as good as it used to be. Darryl: Mike, you're a very brave man. I mean, it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day, knowing full well, you gotta be you. Michael: Do you really mean that? Darryl: I couldn't do it. I--- I ain't that strong. And I ain't that brave. Michael: I'm braver than you? Darryl: Way braver! You Braveheart, man. Michael: I Braveheart. I am. Darryl: Come down, okay? Michael: Okay. Pam, I'm coming down to get my present. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: An office... is as safe as the people in it. And sometimes those people can drive you to do crazy things to show the dangers of the office. That's the danger I found myself in today. I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes.
doc_145	"Soccer Mom in the Mini Van" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (A minivan approaches a field where kids are playing soccer. A woman gets out of the car, throws her coffee cup away in a nearby trashcan and looks at the children playing. She then touches her locket, smiles and heads back towards the car. In the car, she tucks a note inside her bag. She backs out of the space and as she puts her car into drive, it explodes) [Cut to: Crime scene a few hours later - crawling with FBI agents. Booth and Brennan get out of the car and approach the mini van] BOOTH: Look, Bones, all I'm saying is that Caroline went though a lot of trouble to get you private visitation with your father, now you don't want it. BRENNAN: The federal detention facility already has visiting areas. BOOTH: Yeah, behind 2 inch glass. Now you'll be able to give your old man a hug.(he demonstrates on Brennan) BRENNAN: I didn't ask for special treatment, Booth. BOOTH: That's because you don't have to because you are special. And you are gonna tell me - whoa - what happened to whatever the hell is melted to that steering wheel and everything else. BRENNAN (looking at the remains): Female. Mid 40's to late 50's. Pelvis indicates she's given birth. BOOTH: Hey, Bones. Look at that. (points to a finger with a ring on it) Married, right? BRENNAN: Wedding ring. Possibility. (to another FBI Agent) Don't just focus on the ground (she points to a leg in a nearby tree then to Booth) Why do you care about my relationship with my father, Booth? You were only too happy to arrest him and put him in prison. BOOTH: Alright, look Bones. Ya know what, it's not about being happy, okay. It's about doing my job. BRENNAN: Do we know if it was a bomb that caused the explosion? BOOTH: Well, let's see. The roof is peeled back and the doors- BRENNAN: I was asking him. (she points to another FBI Agent) FBI AGENT: We found explosive residue all over the van and metal fragments in the bushes. BOOTH: What is that? A Pipe bomb? FBI: I can't really be sure until the explosives unit gets the van back to the lab. BRENNAN: No, they can't have the van. There are remains seared all over the inside of the vehicle and they can't be compromised. FBI AGENT: I have to call- BRENNAN: This van will be brought to the Jeffersonian - your bomb techs can look at it there. FBI AGENT: I'll....make the call? BOOTH: That's - that's alright. You go, go make that call. Bones, come on . You're a little harsh there, maybe you want to talk it out. BRENNAN: (pulls a necklace from the car) Look, Booth. BOOTH: It's a locket. Ugh, probably her daughter. BRENNAN: Who would want to blow up a soccer mom? ACT I (Cut to: Jeffersonian: Forensics area) ANGELA: Hey, you have a skull for a facial reconstruction? ZACK: Help yourself. ANGELA: Oh, great. Is this all I have to work with? I always hated puzzles. BRENNAN: Hodgins, before we take that hand from the wheel, you might want to check the fingernails for particulates. HODGINS: You know I do. ANGELA: Oh. My. God. ZACK: Shouldn't you wait for the bomb tech before you gather the explosive residue? HODGINS: Hey, just getting enough to verify his results. Remember, he's a government bureaucrat. ANGELA: Hey, you're a government bureaucrat, babe. HODGINS: In name only. I am a passionate, dedicated scientist who will not be cowed by authoritarian pressure. CAM: Stay out of the van until the bomb tech comes, Hodgins. HODGINS: But... CAM: Out. HODGINS: Fine. I have to check the fingernails anyway. CAM (to Angela): How close are we to ID'ing the victim? ANGELA: Well. This is the skull. I'm good, but I'm not that good. BRENNAN: Perhaps you could use these. There's a portion of tongue, hair and brain matter? ANGELA: Okay. If anybody needs me, I'm gonna go throw up, then do some paper work. (As Angela turns to leave, Booth enters with a female agent) BOOTH: Okay, this is Special Agent Frost from the bomb unit. AGENT FROST: Booth pulled me out of an important lunch. It took me months to set up that meeting. It better be good, Booth. BOOTH: She'll be working with you, Hodgins. HODGINS (starting at Frost): Yes, please. What? No, no. Um, hmm? Ja..Hodgins. Doc - Doctor. Okay. AGENT FROST: I beg your pardon? HODGINS: It's Ho- ANGELA: He's Dr. Jack Hodgins. Angela. Montenegro. I do facial reconstructions - and him. AGENT FROST: Please to meet you. (she walks over to where the stuff is ) I'm gonna need you to recover all the metallic particulates then I'm gonna need a chemical tray with- FROST & HODGINS: Aqueous buffer solution. HODGINS: Yeah. I know. HODGINS: You wanna perform capillary electrophoresis? FROST: We can do that? HODGINS: Oh yeah. (Angela coughs in the background) And it will save time so Angela and I can have dinner. Alone. ANGELA: Hm (she turns and leaves) BOOTH: License plate was destroyed when we traced the VIN number on the van. It was registered to Jeremy Nash in Culpepper, Virginia. BRENNAN: He looks familiar. BOOTH: Man, our victim was traveling with a lot of stuff - clothes and personal items. BRENNAN: Photo album. Most of the pictures were burned, but the man in this photo could be Nash. CAM: She packed herself up, keepsakes and all, and took off in the van? Looks like Mrs. Nash was leaving Mr. Nash. BOOTH: Ah, god. I hate domestic cases. Alright, so let's got talk to the husband. BRENNAN: I can't. I'm seeing my father. BOOTH: Now? BRENNAN: You and Caroline went to a lot of trouble setting this up. I would hate to appear ungrateful. BOOTH: But - (he starts to follow after her, but stops then - to Cam) I'll go talk to, um, the husband by myself. (Cut to: Prison - Day. Max is escorted into a private visiting room to meet with Brennan) PRISION GUARD: Alright, Max. There ya go. MAX: Ooh, gee. Real chairs. It's nice to have an important daughter (he goes to kiss her but she moves away) BRENNAN: This is Booth, not me. MAX: Well, you thank him for me. I always liked Booth. Nicest guy that ever arrested me. BRENNAN: Touching. MAX: Well, you must like this. Me in here. I finally have to follow the rules. BRENNAN: So that makes me less than you because I think people should follow the rules? MAX: You're upset. BRENNAN: Yeah, of course I'm upset. My father's a criminal. MAX: No, outlaw. There's a difference. BRENNAN: Subtle distinctions like that are lost on me and, I imagine, your victims. MAX: I know you want some sort of, uh, nice, neat story that puts my life into perspective for you but it doesn't work that way. BRENNAN: You could try. Don't I deserve that? MAX: I guess I always had a problem with authority. I just always saw myself fighting the system. Kinda like Robin Hood. BRENNAN: Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? You're here for murdering the Deputy Director of the FBI. MAX: He was a crook. He was a killer and he was going to kill you. BRENNAN: And you walked out on Russ and me when I was fifteen! MAX: But that was to protect you, people were after us. BRENNAN: Because you were a criminal. MAX: Outlaw. See, I knew you weren't gonna understand. BRENNAN: Ya know what? You're right. This is my fault for expecting we could get past- MAX: We can get past this. We can. The court, they're gonna decide how to punish me but now, here - we'll make this whatever we want. BRENNAN: (She reaches in her bag and pulls out a deck of cards) Here are the cards you asked for. I gotta go. MAX: Wait. These are for us. BRENNAN: What? MAX: Come on. You remember that game we used to play when you were five years old? BRENNAN: Blitz. MAX: Blitz. Blitz. Come on. Let's play a couple of hands. BRENNAN: You always beat me. I remember that too. A good father would occasionally allow his child to win. MAX: I don't believe in encouraging all that, ah, that self esteem crap. You wanna win? Earn it. That's why you're so good at what you do now cause you know that nobody is gonna hand you anything. BRENNAN: (sarcastically) So you were a great father. MAX: Well, maybe just not as bad as you think. How 'bout this, one hand? Come on. BRENNAN: (gets up and heads towards the door) Let me know if you need anything else. MAX: Oh, oh, oh. Socks. Socks. You know the, uh, with the arch supports? I gotta stand on that chow line forever. (Max watches her as she leaves the room without saying anything) (Cut to: Nash Residence. Booth is questioning Jeremy Nash) JEREMY NASH: A bomb? BOOTH: Yeah, I'm sorry. Were you and your wife having any problems? JEREMY NASH: What? What kind of problems? BOOTH: Well, she was traveling with a lot of personal stuff: I mean, photo albums and more clothes than she - JEREMY NASH: That "stuff" was for Celia's new dorm room. She was bringing her clothes, thing to help her decorate - You're FBI for God's sakes. You have no idea who did this? What is this your first case? BOOTH: Just relax, okay? I'm just here to help, Mr. Nash, that's all. JEREMY NASH: How do I tell Celia? How do I - tell my daughter- (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Room. Focus on a clear box with flesh eating beetles inside.) ZACK: Dermestes maculates. They clean the bones by eating the charred flesh. HODGINS: But they leave behind pieces of shrapnel you might need. AGENT FROST: Fascinating and very weird. ZACK: (with pride) They're mine. AGENT FROST: Not a surprise. (BRENNAN enters.) HODGINS: (to Brennan) Hey! Hi. How as your visit with your- BRENNAN: Not germane to the investigation, Hodgins. (While Brennan is talking, Hodgins is looking at Agent Frost) Zack. Her left shoulder was badly shattered but still shows evidence of old trauma. I need the clean bones as soon as they're ready. I also would like you to look at the manubrium. These shadows look like pitting. Have you determined what kind of bomb was used? AGENT FROST: I'm still sifting through the debris and waiting for whatever goodies these bugs leave behind. BRENNAN: And Dr. Hodgins is just keeping you company? HODGINS: What? No. I'm - working. Hard. (Brennan and Zack just look at him) I'm gonna go right now and work. Hard. Some-someplace else. So - (he turns to go - Brennan and Zack still staring at him and Agent Frost looking at the beetles) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Basement/Storage. Angela is at a computer trying to figure out some symbols for the Widows' Son case.) HODGINS: Hey. What are you doing down here? ANGELA: Oh, analyzing the iconography for the Widow's Son case until somebody needs me for the bomb victim. HODGINS: Look, Angie, Um- Agent Frost is a colleague and I am a professional. Okay, so all that stammering and stuff - I mean that's not - that isn't - you know that's involuntary - it's a bodily thing. Yeah. That didn't come out right. Look, I'm not gonna deny that she is attractive - ANGELA: Oh, totally hot. HOGDINS: What? ANGELA: The bombshell from the Bomb Squad. She's totally hot. HODGINS: Yeah, I know. I mean - ANGELA: Look, Jack. I really don't care what's going on in your pants as long as it stays in your pants. HODGINS: You know who's totally hot? You. You are totally - ANGELA: Okay, save it. What have you got? HODGINS: (he hands her some singed pieces of paper found in the van) These were in Any Nash's bag. ANGELA: There's writing on them. HODGINS: Yeah. Yeah, Cam needs you to restore them. ANGELA: Well, I'll give it a try. AGENT FROST: (O.S.) Dr. Hodgins! I need your samples for the spectrometer. HODGINS: I - I - I - I have to uh - so I love you and - (he kisses her on the cheek) ANGELA: Go. HODGINS: Okay. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Hallway. Booth & Brennan are walking) BOOTH: Nash is gonna pick up his kid, tell her in person. I mean, I don't know how you do that. Tell your kid that your mother just got blown up? BRENNAN: I would think a direct approach would be best. BOOTH: What? As opposed to what? Sugar coating it? 'Hey, what do you say we go to the park oh and by the way, your mom just got blown up?' How's your dad? You haven't mentioned him. BRENNAN: Apparently, his feet hurt. BOOTH: You know, I mean his spirits. BRENNAN: Well, he's a con man, Booth. He's always cheerful. BOOTH: What? That's it? BRENNAN: It's not like I ever really had a father. Max was absent for years. BOOTH: Well, here's what I know. I know that Nash girl would give anything to spend one more day with her mother. I'm sure you'd feel the same way if something happened to your father. (Hodgins approaches them) HODGINS: I confirmed triphenylmethane dye and iron sulfate embedded in the manubrium and the flesh. (Booth looks at Hodgins, confused.) Both are found in ball point ink. BOOTH: AH! It's a home made tattoo. HODGINS: Angela's working on recreating the design. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. The computer is trying to render a design of the tattoo) ANGELA: This tattoo appears to have been crudely executed. BOOTH: Hm, you mean like a prison tat. CAM: No record of her being in prison. HODGINS: In Russia, prisoners made tattoo ink by burning the heel of a shoe and mixing it with soot and urine. BRENNAN: This was a ball point pen, rigged with a sewing needle, pushed down so deep it penetrated her periosteum. BOOTH: Ah! You mean - bone. CAM: Doesn't seem like a very soccer mom thing to do. ANGELA: And...here we go. (the computer starts to finish the rendering) CAM: An inverted pentagram? Devil worship. HODGINS: Mom had a little thing going on the side with Satan? Oh, the burbs. ANGELA: There is a design in the center that I can't quite get. HODGINS: Wait, wait, wait. Is that a fist? BRENNAN: A fist? BOOTH: A fist. ANGELA: Yeah. Oh my God. It is a fist. HODGINS: So she wasn't Satan's old lady - she was in the NLA. ANGELA: NLA? BOOTH: National Liberation Army. HODGINS: Student radicals in the 70's. Thought they could change the world. Set off bombs in army recruiting offices, torched cop cars- BOOTH: Yeah, real visionaries. They also shot and killed a cop in '75. HODGINS: That was the burglary. They broke into house of a defense contractor to rip off his safe- said it was the people's money. Here. June Harris and her boyfriend, Neil Watkins were charged with the murder, but never found. BOOTH: The FBI's been looking for them for 30 years. CAM: And there they are. ANGELA: And our victim? (she does a side by side comparison of June Harris & Amy Nash) It's the same woman. BRENNAN: So, our soccer mom - was a killer. ACT II (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform.) CAROLINE: People! Please tell me that all your fancy ass equipment is wrong. BOOTH: Oh! (He covers his ears as she sets off the alarm as she enters the platform and a security guy swipes his card.) BRENNAN: You're not supposed to be up here. CAROLINE: Booth can shoot me later. (she looks at the remains laid out on the table) This can not be June Harris. BRENNAN: But the dentals match. Angela's reconstruction matches. BOOTH: Amy Nash was June Harris. CAROLINE: Por qui moi? She couldn't have waited 4 days to turn herself into a charcoal briquette? BRENNAN: I - don't understand. BOOTH: Caroline? Why are you here? CAROLINE: June Harris was turning herself in. I arranged with her attorney for the surrender. He was gonna deliver her on Thursday after she said goodbye to her family. BRENNAN: What was the deal? CAROLINE: 9 years. BOOTH: 9 years for killing a cop? CAROLINE: For turning herself in and laying this all to rest. And since she still maintained her innocence, this was going to be a tough case to prosecute. BOOTH: Sam Reilly was the lead on this case for 30 years. He was okay with 9 years? CAROLINE: He doesn't know. Part of the deal. He wasn't to be consulted. BOOTH: Well, you know what? It's okay to tell him now. I know Sam. He deserves that much after 30 years. CAROLINE: Up to you, you're the lead now, Cher. You should bring in Huntzinger. He was her attorney. He might know something. HODGINS: Love Huntzinger. Real old time lefty. Worked the Chicago 7 Trial. Sued Nixon, the CIA, Bush - BOOTH: That's great, let's get out of here before Hodgins gives him the pinko medal of honor. (to Brennan) Are you coming? BRENNAN: I can't. Zack and I have to pull the rest of the shrapnel for the bomb tech and then I have to buy some socks for my dad. CAROLINE: Leave her be, Cher. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. BOOTH: (turning back to Brennan as Caroline drags him out) Socks? (Cut to: FBI - Agent Sam Reilly, Booth & Caroline are coming out of a conference room - and start to walk down the hallway.) AGENT SAM REILLY: I have worked this case for 30 years and you don't think I deserve a phone call? CAROLINE: It was part of the deal. SAM: And you Booth. I trained you. You think this is right? To blow me off like this? BOOTH: I just got thrown the case, Sam. Don't go wailing on me. SAM: Damn lawyers. Working the case for 30 years and you don't think it deserves a damn phone call. Hey. I'm talking to you. (Booth and Caroline turn around) CAROLINE: No. You're yelling at me and my ears are starting to ring. Now I'm sorry after 40 years, as an agent for the FBI, you're still a little girl but I'd like to find out who killed June Harris. So how 'bout you stop whining and help. Okay, Cher? (Caroline leaves) BOOTH: So. How have ya been , Sam? SAM: Shut up, Booth. (Cut to: FBI - Observation Room. Sam watches as Caroline & Booth interrogate Leonard Huntzinger) CAROLINE: So what's in the bag, Lenny. HUNTZINGER: Toothbrush, change of underwear. You guys always find some reason to toss me in the can. No belt. No laces. I'm ready. BOOTH: Yeah. Great. Well, we just want to ask you a few questions about June Harris's death. HUNTZINGER: I loved June Harris. I loved what she stood for and what she did with her life. Nobody has her balls anymore. CAROLINE: Except maybe, Neil Watkins. HUNTZINGER: Yeah. You'd love that, wouldn't you. Blame another revolutionary. BOOTH: Do you know where Watkins is? CAROLINE: They were partners in crime. I don't think he would want to risk June turning him in. HUNTZINGER: You ever hear of attorney/client privilege? CAROLINE: Ever hear of Obstruction of Justice? BOOTH: Ya know, a woman is dead. She's not a martyr to her family, just someone they loved. CAROLINE: If you can understand that. HUNTZINGER: Cooperating with that system (Sam leaves the observation room) perpetuates that system.. BOOTH: Yeah, yeah. HUNTZINGER: If the system's corrupt- BOOTH: Blah, blah, blah. So what's next, Leonard? Are ya gonna warn Watkins that we're on to him? (Sam bursts through the door and goes after Huntzinger) BOOTH: Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. SAM: You son of a bitch. Watkins are Harris are not heroes. (Booth holds Sam back) You want to know how they changed society? Ask the kid who's father they killed. HUNTZINGER: I know that kid. He became a cop just like his father. Very touching. (Sam goes to go after Huntzinger again and Huntzinger pushes him back.) SAM: You son of a- HUNTZINGER: Get out of here. (Booth steps in again and holds Huntzinger back.) BOOTH: Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. CAROLINE: You just hit a Federal Agent, Mr. Huntzinger. Good thing you brought your toothpaste. HUNTZINGER: What a surprise. Lock me up to shut me up. You should be talking to that kid, Valenti, instead of busting my ass. The pig comes to me the other day, he wants to know where June is. He said he got a letter from her, as if she's write him or I'd give her up. Hey. (He lifts up his shirt) See these bruises? A gift - from your noble son of a cop. (Cut to: Prison - Day. Max is in the visitors room with Brennan.) MAX: Nice and soft. I'll be the best dressed on cell block 8. Thanks. BRENNAN: Sure. MAX: (sighs) Honey. I'm sorry. BRENNAN: For what? MAX: For- for being such a disappointment as a father. You deserve better. And I should have told you sooner. (Brennan says nothing) Well, that's it? Nothing? BRENNAN: Well, what were you expecting? I agree with you. MAX: I was expecting some tears or a hug or something. I did apologize. That's what you wanted, isn't it? BRENNAN: Well, you didn't mean it? MAX: Of course I meant it. Listen. Under any objective standard you have a horrible human being for a father but I'm trying to move on. I got caught so that I could be with you. I was hoping you'd meet me half way. BRENNAN: I'm here, aren't I? (after a pause) I - (she reaches into her bag) got you shampoo. Soap isn't good for your hair. MAX: Oh, nice. I - I don't want to smell to good, that could be a problem around here. (Brennan smiles) There, see. That's better. Thanks. BRENNAN: Sure. MAX: So the prosecutor's gonna want to talk to you about me. It wouldn't hurt if you, uh, had some good things to say about your old man. Might even offer to testify on my behalf. BRENNAN: Is that why you finally apologized? MAX: What? BRENNAN: To use me? Maybe you'd like me to alter evidence now. That way I could join the family business. MAX: How could you think that? BRENNAN: I don't know, Max. Maybe because I seem to pass in and out of your life when it's most convenient. Maybe because you built a whole career using your considerable charm to manipulate people? MAX: Wait, listen. I know that it's hard to trust me, I know, and it's gonna take some time to fix things, but we can - BRENNAN: No. No. Some things break and you can't put them back together again. That's just the way it is. I was find on my own, Max. I was just fine. (she gets up and leaves) MAX: Wait, please. (he's left in the room, alone) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Hodgins work area) AGENT FROST: Electrophoresis in HPLC shows potassium nitrate, charcoal and sulfur in a 75/15/10 ratio. HODGINS: Graphite glaze, triple F goex. Supporting grade - AGENT FROST: You are a constant surprise. HODGINS: Yes. Yes, I am. AGENT FROST: I don't know many people who get as excited as I do about the chemical makeup of explosives. HODGINS: Well, I - complex molecular structures. Hey, how's it coming - with the-the-the detonator? AGENT FROST: Seems to be a wristwatch. Pretty much destroyed in the blast. HODGINS: (looking in the microscope) Microscopic glass chips. Probably the crystal. I'll, uh, take a look at the -uh (Frost leans over him and looks in the microscope) composition to see if I can - um - locate a - manufacturer. AGENT FROST: Great. So, where do you want me to dump this junk? HODGINS: You're tossing the air filter? AGENT FROST: I tested it for explosive residue. There wasn't any. It was blown free from the car. HODGINS: Yeah. Even better. Do you have any idea what kind of treasures might be trapped in here? Don't touch my things. (to security guard) Watch her. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Zack is showing Cam his findings) CAM: She was shot too? ZACK: The entry presented itself when I was removing shrapnel from the reconstructed shoulder. CAM: Are you sure it's not from the bomb or the fire? ZACK: No. The fragments are lead in a copper alloy coating. CAM: Yeah. That's a bullet. I didn't find any dried blood on her clothes. When was she shot? ZACK: Damage from the blast makes it difficult to tell when the shooting occurred. I'm going to check the remodeling to estimate a time. CAM: Hitting the top of the shoulder wouldn't be severe injury. ZACK: She could bandage herself and still be ambulatory. CAM: You know you could say 'walk around' instead. I wouldn't fire you. ZACK: 'Walk around' implies aimlessness, which I'm not able to determine. CAM: Can't believe I still ask these things. Send every thing you got to ballistics at the FBI. ZACK: I'll inform Dr. Brennan. (Cut to FBI: Corridor. Booth, Brennan and Sam are walking) SAM: Does not make any sense. The van was rigged blow up, why shoot her? BRENNAN: Well, until we see what ballistics determines, it's absurd to speculate. SAM: Speculating's kinda what we do here. BOOTH: Listen. Danny Valenti is a cop. June Harris murdered his father. He has a gun. SAM: He's a good kid, Booth. He didn't do it. BOOTH: (Brennan bumps into him, then to Brennan) Out. BRENNAN: But that is meaningless speculation. SAM: Is she really necessary? BOOTH: She's my partner. BRENNAN: Mentors often feel threatened when their students surpass them. BOOTH: Bones! BRENNAN: Well, it's true, Booth. Change can be difficult to accept whether it comes in the form of a revolutionary or the simple passage of time. SAM: If she were a guy, I'd deck her. BRENNAN: Well, you know, that distinction is no longer necessary, but I wouldn't recommend it. (Booth pushes Brennan into the interrogation room) BOOTH: Go, Sam. (Booth pushes Sam into the interrogation room) Thank you. (Cut to: FBI - Interrogation Room.) BOOTH: Officer Valenti, credit card records show that uh, you bought gas near June Harris's home. VALENTI: I didn't know where she lived. Just the town from the post mark on the letter. BOOTH: Her apology letter. VALENTI: (scoffs) She should have had the nerve to come talk to me, face to face. BOOTH: So that's when you went to Huntzinger. VALENTI: Yeah. BRENNAN: And hit him. VALENTI: He protects people like her. BRENNAN: That's his job. VALENTI: I was five years old when my father was killed. My mother told me he wasn't coming home again, I didn't believe her. I sat by that window waiting, everyday, for months. BOOTH: You seem pretty angry about that. SAM: Why didn't you tell me what you were gonna do? VALENTI: You'd try and talk me out of it. BRENNAN: Did you know how little time she was going to serve? BOOTH: Because that might make someone take matters into their own hands. VALENTI: I'm a cop, man, I didn't blow her up. SAM: Booth- BOOTH: Sam, it's my investigation. Officer Valenti, I'm gonna need your gun. VALENTI: Why? BOOTH: Because June Harris was shot before she died. BRENNAN: We'd like to make sure the bullet didn't come from your gun. VALENTI: You're gonna let them do this to me, Sam? SAM: It's just a formality, Danny. VALENTI: Then let's be formal. Get a warrant. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT III (Cut to: FBI - Booth's Office. Sam is alone reading a folder - as Booth & Brennan enter.) BOOTH: Sam! SAM: Ballistics says that the bullet was NOT a match for Danny's gun. BRENNAN: Booth should have that report first. He's the lead. SAM: You know, Booth. She must be really good in bed because I can't see any other reason you keep her around here. BRENNAN: I am. Very good. But Booth has no direct knowledge of that fact. BOOTH: Okay, okay. Let's all stay focused here, people. Okay. Sam, you know what - you should never- SAM: But it was a match for the gun that killed Danny's father 30 years ago. BOOTH: Right. The same gun that was registered to Harris's old boyfriend, Watkins, but it was never found. SAM: Everyone we interviewed at the time said Harris would never make a move without talking to Watkins first. I told you, we need to find him. BOOTH: Yeah, okay. We will, Sam. You just gotta give me some room. (Booth goes to leave but Sam grabs him arm) SAM: Hey, Booth. Don't cut me out. I've worked my whole career for this. BOOTH: As soon as I find something out, I'll let you know, Sam. (he places him hand on Sam's arm and then heads out) (to Brennan) Come on, Bones. (They leave, leaving Sam alone, once again, in Booth's office) (Cut to: Nash Residence. Jeremy Nash is looking at a picture that Booth & Brennan gave to him to look at) JEREMY: I remember seeing a picture of him before. I was going through some old photographs, cleaning out a closet. Amy said it was an old boyfriend. BOOTH: Hmm. They keep in contact? JEREMY: No. I mean, uh, she would have told me. Why? You don't think that - did he kill her? BOOTH: How long did you know about your wife's real identity? BRENNAN: Yeah, how long? JEREMY: I only found out a couple weeks ago. (His daughter, Celia, enters the room) CELIA: Why didn't you tell me? What? You didn't think I should know about my own mother? JEREMY: She didn't want me to tell you. She wanted to do it herself. BRENNAN: Your wife never talked about her past? CELIA: She used to say only the future was important. All we could do was change the world. JEREMY: They didn't agree on how. Celia was, uh, a bit conservative for Amy. CELIA: That never mattered. She wasn't some crazy radical to me. She was my mom. BOOTH: You must have been relieved she got such a great deal. JEREMY: What deal? BRENNAN: She didn't tell you? JEREMY: She mentioned she was thinking of talking to a Federal Prosecutor - but I talked her out of it. BOOTH: Well, you do know it's a felony, aiding and abedding a fugitive. JEREMY: You want to charge me? Fine. But saving my family doesn't feel like a crime. Amy was a good mother. A wonderful wife. BOOTH: You mind if we take a look around? See if there's any evidence linking your wife to Watkins? JEREMY: The house is yours. (to Celia) Come on, sweetie. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab.) ZACK: The only reason we found any lead or copper in the shoulder was because of the blast. There was advanced bone remodeling. CAM: So it's a very old injury. ZACK: Yes. Bone had completely grown over it. CAM: And since it was the same gun that killed the policeman and was never recovered, I think we can assume that June Harris was shot during the robbery. ZACK: I also found microscopic lead particles on the metacarpals on the left hand with the same degree of remodeling at the shoulder. CAM: Another gun shot? ZACK: No. The same one. The metals are an identical match. CAM: So she was shot in the hand and the shoulder with the same bullet? Is that even possible? ZACK: Angela could give us a scenario that could tell us. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office - everyone is standing around the Angelator) ANGELA: I'm creating a trajectory analysis factoring in both the hand and the shoulder. These are photos from the crime scene, 30 years ago. ZACK: That's the home of the defense contractor, Gerald Locklear, where the NLA burglary occurred. CAM: June Harris and NealWatkins were in Locklear's office at the back of the house. ANGELA: The original FBI photos were crude. Based on finger prints and scuff marks on the floor. It was assumed that June stood guard while Neal emptied the safe. CAM: When officer Valenti walks in, surprising them, June fires - killing Valenti - BRENNAN: But that wouldn't explain her injuries, unless - June emptied the safe while Neal stood guard. ANGELA: Exactly. Neal aims at Office Valenti but June steps between them, raises her hand to stop Neal, but he fires. BRENNAN: She was trying to protect the policeman. CAM: June Harris was telling the truth. She didn't kill Valenti, Neal Watkins did. (Hodgins enters) HODGINS: He also made the bomb. The watch used to make the timer? Was coated with a volatilized pigment used by the Sawyer Time Company. (They all head over to the computer. Hodgins pulls up a picture of a watch) BRENNAN: An American flag watch. CAM: Nice ironic touch. HODGINS: Watkins always used the same type of watch when making bombs for the NLA. It was a signature. They found traces of them a ROTC headquarters, the IRS office- CAM: June told him she was going to turn herself in. HODGINS: He wasn't gonna let that happen. So he made a new bomb using an old watch and killed her. And he left a message for anyone who thought the revolution was over. ANGELA: Sounds like a bad ex-boyfriend. BRENNAN: That's assuming she was in contact with him. CAM: And we have no way of knowing where that would have taken place if she had seen him. HODGINS: Not so sure about that. I have her air filter. It's like an entomological GPS. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Cat walk. Booth is looking out over the balcony. Brennan approaches him, carrying a cup of coffee) BOOTH: What's taking Hodgins so long? BRENNAN: It's an exacting process. (She hands him the cup of coffee) BOOTH: (takes it) Ah, thank you. So um, how did your dad like his socks? BRENNAN: Fine. BOOTH: That's sorta a way to start a conversation there, Bones. BRENNAN: I know. BOOTH: Ya know, look. I'm - I should never have gotten in the middle of all this, I'm - I'm sorry. I was just - I'm just trying to help. BRENNAN: He wanted me to testify on his behalf. He just wants to use me. BOOTH: Well, he's s con man, Bones, that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. He's just looking for a little payback. BRENNAN: Payback? BOOTH: Yeah. He's thinking that he got arrested so that he could spend some more time with you. I mean, you could at least return the favor by doing something nice for him. BRENNAN: I'm not sure I want a father who's always keeping score. BOOTH: Yeah. Sounds like you are too. BRENNAN: You know what? You're right. This is none of your business. BOOTH: You know what, Bones? You're never gonna forgive yourself if you don't cut the guy some slack just because you're afraid to get hurt. BRENNAN: Ugh, what the hell is taking Hodgins so long? (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Hodgins desk. He's looking through a microscope when Angela approaches) ANGELA: Where's the bombshell from the bomb squad? HODGINS: She went back to the FBI to catalog evidence. Thank god. She was driving me crazy. It was just science all the time. Then, she tries to destroy perfectly good evidence- ANGELA: What about the breasts? HODGINS: I started thinking about them dragging on the floor when she's 70. (Angela leans over and kisses him) How are you doing? ANGELA: Well, that burned paper? Is a letter that she wrote. So I'm using the spectral comparator to locate the ink particles. HODGINS: Cool... ANGELA: The, uh, computer is rendering the content now, so. You? HODGINS: I found pollen. ANGELA: oh. HODGINS: Most of it Pinus Appalachiana. Shenandoah (he has a realization about something) Pine - which is only found on Shenandoah Mountain in West Virginia. There was also crushed Pendleton Leather Flower in the tire treads which is only found here in the Shale Barrens along the upper Potamic - it is very secluded between the towns of Hendersonville and Maple Flats. Booth! (he calls up to Booth, still up on the catwalk with Brennan) I know where you can find Watkins! (They start to head down.) ANGELA: That's nice work, Hodgins. You know, my computer, is gonna be rendering for a while. Wanna go to the Medieval storage room? (He reaches down and pushes the head covering for a suit of armor out from under his desk with his foot) ANGELA: Oh. HODGINS: Booth! What the hell is taking you so long. (Angela kisses him again) (Cut to: Booth's car.) BRENNAN: You told Reilly where Watkins is? BOOTH: Yeah, he's meeting us there. BRENNAN: He's too emotional. BOOTH: This is his case. He's invested. BRENNAN: He's irrational. Probably male menopause. BOOTH: What? He's a good man and you know what? There's no such thing. That is a sexist myth. BRENNAN: Factually, hormone production drops in your 50's. Sexual desire decreases. You have to deal with the reduction of muscle mass, erectile dysfunction- BOOTH: Hey, alright, hey. Let's just keep the conversation up, shall we? BRENNAN: And, there's evidence that certain men become very unstable. BOOTH: Do you want me to start talking about your father again? BRENNAN: You're very testy. BOOTH: And 35. I'm only 35. BRENNAN: Okay, okay. BOOTH: They have blue pills for that. (Cut to: Watkin's Residence. Booth & Brennan get out of the car and walk towards the house.) BOOTH: No. I don't like this, it's too quiet. BRENNAN: Wasn't Reilly suppose to meet us? BOOTH: Yeah. (They go around the side of the house, trying to get a look inside. Brennan takes out her gun) BOOTH: Gee, why didn't you bring the big one? (They enter the house and walk through the rooms, still not seeing anyone. Suddenly, Brennan sees something in the other room.) BOOTH: Okay. (he pushes her shoulder back, wanting her to stay behind him) Bones. (They walk into the room and find Neal Watkins dead and Sam Reilly standing over him, holding a gun) BOOTH: Easy, Sam. Put the gun down, step away from the body. SAM: Booth, look at him. He did it to himself. I didn't do this, Booth. (Sam places his gun on the arm of the couch) ACT VI (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Autopsy Bay.) CAM: .38 caliber slug - matches the revolver found at the scene. Now positioning is consistent with a self inflicted gun shot wound but could easily have been staged. (Brennan and Zack are looking at x-rays on a screen) BRENNAN: Zack, bring up that hand x-ray. (it appears on the screen) Look at this. ZACK: Asymmetric narrowing on the first metacarpal phalangeal joints. BRENNAN: Ulna deviation, barely discernible. ZACK: Would you like my finger Dr. Brennan? BRENNAN: Please. CAM: What are you two thinking? BRENNAN: Neal Watkins had rheumatoid Arthritis in his hands. (she wraps Zack's finger with an ace bandage) This would approximate the strength of his arthritic finger. Pull. (she grabs Zack's finger and he tries to pull it away.) Harder. ZACK: I'm trying, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: Watkins fine motor function would be no greater than Zack's gauzed wrapped finger. CAM: Neal Watkins wasn't able to pull the trigger. BRENNAN: He couldn't have shot himself. ZACK: If he couldn't pull the trigger, he wouldn't have the manual dexterity to assemble the bomb either. CAM: There's one man who knew exactly how Neal made his bombs. BRENNAN: The same man who worked the case for 30 years. I'll call Booth. (Cut to: FBI - Interrogation Room. Sam is pacing. Booth & Caroline enter.) BOOTH: Hi Sam. Dr. Brennan determined that it wasn't a suicide. SAM: What? CAROLINE: The gun was a plant. Wouldn't be the fist time - an Agent planted a gun, would it? BOOTH: Well, Forensics searched the house and, uh, they determined that there wasn't enough evidence to suggest that Watkins made the bomb that killed Harris. SAM: What about the watch? BOOTH: That's the thing, Sam. It turns out that two Sawyer Company American Flag watches were confiscated in '74 in LA raid. CAROLINE: We checked the evidence locker. A lot of things were missing - including a watch. SAM: It was a dog case, Booth. That crap was moved off site years ago. You know what happens during a move. CAROLINE: So, you had a 30 year obsession but you didn't keep track of your evidence. You have a good service record, cher. We can make a deal. SAM: Look. I know you have to do this dance, but there is a real killer out there. BOOTH: Look, I understand, Sam. I do. I think - you should find yourself a lawyer. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Hodgins approaches the platform) HODGINS: I was cataloging the watch debris and noticed that the oxidation and bacterial erosion of the metal was inconsistent with watches that would have been stored in evidence for 30 years. CAM: But weren't the watches discontinued after '76? HODGINS: Yes, but I found a few available on line for collectors - still sealed. BRENNAN: You traced one to a buyer? HODGINS: Didn't have to. Since the watch was 30 years old, the bomber had to put in a new battery - he left behind a thumb print. The casing protected it during the blast. I asked the bureau to run the print. (Angela enters) ANGELA: The letter has finished rendering. It's not addressed to Watkins. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's office. Brennan picks up a copy of the rendered letter) BRENNAN: (V.O) Dear Celia. I've done terrible things in my life, things I can't change. I know how much pain this will cause you, but never forget how much I love you. I know we didn't always agree on how, but we both hope for the same thing, a just world. (Cut to: Nash residence. Jeremy & Celia Nash heading out of their house as Booth & Brennan are walking up the walkway towards them.) BRENNAN: (to Booth) Funerals today? BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: They seem like every other, normal, grieving family. BOOTH: That's what everyone seems, is it. BOOTH: Mr. Nash? You're under arrest for the murder of June Harris, AKA Amy Nash. CELIA: Oh, that's crazy. BOOTH: I'm sorry, Celia. (Brennan hands her the letter) We know about the watch. (Celia reads the letter while Brennan's V.O. continues) BRENNAN: (V.O.) Even thought I didn't fire the gun that took that man's life, I have to take responsibility for it and for my cowardice, hiding all these years.) JEREMY: I caught her sneaking out one night. She had been seeing him. She betrayed me, Celia. She betrayed us. CELIA: How could you do this? JEREMY: 25 years I believed she loved us but she used us to keep her cover- BOOTH: Let's go. (As Booth walks Nash to the car, Brennan stays behind with Celia - V.O. Continues) BRENNAN: (V.O.) - I tried to spare you and your father pain. I know what your father thought when he caught me going to see Neal, but I would rather die than betray your father. CELIA: (to Jeremy) She was trying to get him to surrender too! (Jeremy turns back to her) She was trying to do the right thing, daddy. BOOTH: Let's go. You got the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you- (Celia continues reading the letter while Brennan comforts her) BRENNAN: (V.O.) If I've learned anything, it's that we can never let the chaos and injustice make us so blind with anger that we become part of the problem. Understanding, compassion, kindness and the only true revolutionary ideas. When we compromise those, we become what we despise and we lose our humanity. The world might see my legacy of one of violence and destruction, but I know that you are my real legacy and for that - I will be thankful everyday. (Cut to: Prison. Visitation Room.) MAX: Hi! I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again. BRENNAN: I thought maybe we could see if we remember that card game? MAX: Yeah, sure. (He pulls out a deck of cards from his pocket) (Cut to: FBI - Booth's office. Sam enters.) SAM: You know, I've kept this bottle of single malt on my desk since '75. I always said when we put this case to bed, I'd open it. I'd like you to help me with that, Booth. BOOTH: Listen, Sam. I - I want to apologize. SAM: Hey. I would have done the same thing myself (he pours Booth some Scotch.) Well, maybe not quite the same thing. I would have slapped me around a little bit. (Booth laughs.) To the changing of the guard. (they clink glasses and drink) (Cut to: Prison. Visitation Room. Brennan and her dad are playing cards.) (Cut to: Lincoln Memorial. It's night and Booth and Brennan are on the steps, talking. Booth is playing with the lid on his cup of coffee.) BRENNAN: How much scotch did you drink? BOOTH: Oh, just enough. You know, I would have invited you, but Reilly. He just - wow - he doesn't like you. BRENNAN: I understand. BOOTH: I'm sorry. Was that rude? BRENNAN: Not from someone who's been drinking. BOOTH: God, you know, I love this place. I love it. I love this country. You know, I tell ya something. If I was working law enforcement back in the day when they threw all that tea, alright, in the harbor - I'm good, alright, I'm - I'm good. I would have rounded everybody up and we'd still be English. BRENNAN: Ya think? BOOTH: Yup. Yup. Definitely. (he signs and takes a sip of coffee) BRENNAN: I saw my father. BOOTH: Wow. I didn't think that you were gonna - do that. BRENNAN: As an Anthropologist, I accept change as the natural order of things - but with him I didn't allow for transformation. Ya know, I predicated his behavior based on a set of outmoded preconceptions. It wasn't rational. BOOTH: Wow. I - I didn't get any of that. BRENNAN: If I was conducting an objective experiment on my father, observing his behavior, I'd have to conclude that he loves me. BOOTH: Hmm. Why? What happened? BRENNAN: We played cards. BOOTH: Cool. BRENNAN: I killed him. BOOTH: Good for you. (He leans up against Brennan's shoulder and it fades out with the two of them looking out at the Washington Monument)
doc_146	Police and SWAT cars pull up in front of a mansion, and the SWAT team runs inside. They approach a locked room - we see the key is still in the door on the inside. They break in to find Jared sitting crying on the bed next to a dead girl. Both are in their underwear. ONE YEAR LATER A prison complex. Jane shows his ID and is allowed into the yard where Jared is sitting in his orange prisoner's clothes. Jared: Thank you for coming. Jane: You said you had information about Red John. Jared: Yes, I do. Killed your wife and daughter, huh? Heard a lot about you. They say you can tell when people are lying. Jane: Do you have information about Red John? Jared: I have dynamite information about Red John. Enough to catch him. Jane: How do you come by this information? Jared: Red John is a friend of a friend of mine. Jane: Is that friend of yours in prison too? Jared [laughs]: I have friends from all walks of life. Jane: Tell me. Jared: I am currently doing 25 years to life for a crime I didn't commit. My last appeal just failed. You get me out of here and I will give you Red John. Jane: You raped and murdered your family housekeeper's daughter. If you do know a lot about me, you know that I'm not a real magician. Jared: I didn't do it. Jane: I read the case file. The physical evidence, the testimonies of all the witnesses including your own family says you did. Jared: I didn't kill her. Jane: What happened? Jared: I don't know. We were partying, I did some blows of meth, we had s*x, I fell asleep. And it's morning, Andine's dead, cops are busting in. Jane: The door was locked from the inside. There were bars on the windows. Jared: Yes. Jane: How is it physically possible that anyone else could have committed the murder? Jared: I don't know. But I didn't, ergo someone else did. Someone you can find. You see me. Am I lying? Jane: You seem to be telling the truth, but you're a very clever, unprincipled narcissist in a desperate corner. Even if you are innocent, doesn't mean you have information on Red John. Yeah, it's a tough call. [Pauses to think.] I'm gonna have to say no. [Starts to walk away.] Jared: Your wife. Red John painted her toenails, yes? Painted them with her own blood. Police didn't make that public, did they? She's the only instance he did that, huh? Touch of elegance, for you alone. Jane: How do you know that? Jared: I told you. Red John is a friend of a friend of mine. Jane: What is this friend's name? Jared: His name is get me out of here and I will tell you. That and much more. I'll sing like a bird. Jane: Okay. Jane, Lisbon and Minelli are in Minelli's office. Minelli: No! I said no and I mean no. It's not that I don't want to help you. I want to help you. It's just it's not physically possible. Jared Renfrew was tried and convicted. It's a closed case. I have no authority to re-open it without cause. Jane: There is cause. Minelli: For you there's cause. Not for the State of California. We can't touch it. Jane: Ah, but we could touch it if... Minelli: Closed case! Nothing to be done. The Justice Dept doesn't go about undoing its own work. Jane: I understand. No problem. If we can't touch it, we can't touch it. Minelli: I'm sorry. Jane: No. The law's the law. My desire for revenge doesn't outweigh the rules. I have to accept that. Minelli: Glad you understand. Jane: Thanks for your time. (Jane leaves the room.) Minelli: He's lying through his teeth, isn't he? Lisbon: Yes. Lisbon comes out of Minelli's office into the bullpen where Jane is. Lisbon: Jane. I know better than to try and stop you from doing what you think you have to do. Jane: No, I'm fine about it. I can see Minelli's point. I can't be chasing every nutbag with a good story, can I? Lisbon: Yeah, sure you're fine with it. Just do me the favour of listening to me for a minute, so I can say 'I told you so' later. Jane: Sure. Lisbon: Jared Renfrew was found hugging the corpse of Andine Kopecki in a room locked from the inside, holding a bloody butcher knife in his hand. His semen was inside of her. He'd been stalking her for weeks. He's got a history of violence going back 15 years. Jane: What's your point? Lisbon: He's guilty. You're being conned. Jane: Possible, but I don't think so. But I've got to find out one way or the other. Lisbon: Even if he's telling the truth about the murder, he could still be lying about Red John. Jane: Also possible, but I've got to take the chance. What else can I do? Lisbon: Minelli wants me to keep a watch on you. Jane: What are you going to do? Lisbon: Well, I'm not going to follow you around. Let's compromise. When you get into trouble, call me first so I can try and minimise the damage. Jane: Deal. Lisbon: And don't use your CBI card. The Bureau finds out you used it without authorisation, you're done. Jane: I hear you. Outside the Renfrew's imposing gates. Jane presses the intercom. Maid [through intercom]: Hello. Jane: Hi, my name's Patrick Jane. I'd like to speak to Gardner Renfrew about his brother Jared. Maid [through intercom]: One moment, please. [Pause] Mr Renfrew says no thank you. Jane: Tell Mr Renfrew I can prove his brother is innocent and I know who really committed the murder. Jane holds out his arms like he's doing a magic trick and the gates begin to open. Jane is in inside with Gardner Renfrew and his wife, Breck. The maid has given Jane some water. Jane: Thank you very much. [He points to a photo.] Is that your father? Gardner: Yes. What's this all about, Mr Jane? Who are you and what do you mean by this? They all sit down. Jane: Do you think your brother is innocent? Gardner: You said you could prove he's innocent. You said you know who really did it. Jane: No. That was just to get inside the house. I have no idea who might have done it. Might have been Jared. Hope not. He seems to be telling the truth. What do you think? Gardner: I think you had better leave. Right now, Mr Jane. I don't have the time or the patience for tom-foolery. [He and his wife stand up.] Jane: So you think he's guilty. I'm wasting my time. Gardner: We're done talking. Jane: Suppose I could prove he was innocent. Wouldn't you want that? Wouldn't you want that blot on your name expunged? Breck: Of course he would. Gardner: Nothing would make me happier, but my brother is guilty. He violated the poor girl , he violated this house, he violated this family. Jane: That's all I needed to know. Thank you for your time. Your mother lives here in the guest house, doesn't she? Gardner: You leave my mother alone. Jane: Well, that's not your call to make, is it? [He gets up and walks further into the house.] Gardner: Breck, call the police. Jane: Be sure and tell them I'm unarmed. Jane ducks down a corridor with an annoyed Gardner behind him. He comes running out into the garden where Mrs Renfrew is. Gardner [calling]: Go inside, Mother! Go inside! Jane approaches Mrs Renfrew. Jane: My name's Patrick Jane. I want to speak to you about your son, Jared. Gardner: I'll deal with him, Mother. The police are on their way. Just go inside. Mrs Renfrew: Don't order me about. And don't be so hysterical. [To Patrick] What's your interest in Jared. Jane: I'm a friend of his. Trying to prove his innocence. Mrs Renfrew: Come and sit down. Jane: Thank you. Gardner: Mother, you're being childish. Mrs Renfrew: Go away, Gardner. Gardner: Mother! Mrs Renfrew: Go away! [Gardner leaves. Mrs Renfrew and Jane sit at a table in the garden.] Tell me why you wish to prove my son's innocence. Jane: Oh, I can promise you, I'm not up to anything sinister, Ma'am. My motives are pure. Tell me about Jared. Mrs Renfrew: He was a troubled child. Charming and bright, but a bully and a liar and something of a sadist. Jane: Qualities you rather liked in him, I expect. Mrs Renfrew [laughs]: Yes, I did. I found him rather amusing, at first. One doesn't want a wimp for a son. But there must be a sense of proportion and moderation. As he got older, he got worse. Fell in with bad people. It was one scandal after another, in and out of prison. A common criminal. Jane: But he turned himself around, didn't he? Mrs Renfrew: He gave up the drink and the drugs and the gallivanting. Made peace with his brother and came home to help run the family businesses. Jane: The prodigal son. Mrs Renfrew: Yes. George, his father, was overjoyed. I was sceptical. Pleased, of course, but sceptical. As my mother always said, you are what you are. Jane: I guess she's right. Mrs Renfrew: Yes. Poor George dropped dead a week after the murder. Broke his heart, people said. George didn't really have a heart, in that sense. He died of embarrassment. A Renfrew in the pokey for murder. Quelle horreur. Jane: Can you show me where it happened? Jane and Mrs Renfrew inside the house, walking to the room where the murder took place. Jane: Who else was in the house? Mrs Renfrew: I had a small dinner party. Probably 10 people all told. After they left, it was just family. Gardner and Breck, George and I, and Jared, of course. [She gets the key from the top of the doorframe and unlocks the door.] Jane: Not Mariska, the housekeeper? Mrs Renfrew: No. She lived out. [She opens the door.] Andine was only here to help the cook with the dinner party. [Jane looks around the room.] She was a lovely girl, full of life and promise. Her mother, Mariska, had been with us 20 years. Part of the family. Jane: Jared told me that he and Andine were having an affair. That he loved her and he'd never hurt her. Mrs Renfrew: She told her mother that he was stalking her, that she was scared of him. She didn't go to the police out of respect for the family. Jane: Hmm. I'd like to speak to the mother. Mrs Renfrew: She left our employ, I'm afraid. It was too difficult for both of us. Jane: Where is she now? Mrs Renfrew: I have an address somewhere. Jane: Can you get it for me now? Mrs Renfrew: As you wish. Jane: Thank you. Mrs Renfrew leaves. Jane peers into a hall closet and sees some fishing line. He closely examines the door of the room and the key. Gardner arrives with a couple of policemen and his wife. Policeman: Sir, would you come with us? Jane: Why? Policeman: You're trespassing here. Jane: No, I'm not. Policeman: Okay, sir, this man here says he's the homeowner and says you're trespassing, so let's go. Jane: Officer, it's the other way around. I'm the homeowner, that man is the intruder. Gardner: That's a lie! He...he's lying. Jane: Listen to the madness in his voice. Will you please take him somewhere he can get some help. Mrs Renfrew comes back in looking at a piece of paper in her hand. Mrs Renfrew: Here you are. I don't know that she'll still be there, but... Jane: Thank you so much. [She sees the officers.] Mrs Renfrew: For heaven's sake, Gardner! Policemen! How ridiculous! Send them away. Policeman: Ma'am, this man here is... Mrs Renfrew: Yes, yes, it's quite all right, officer. You can go. The policemen start to leave. Gardner: Thanks. Jane: Well, goodbye, Mrs Renfrew. I expect we'll speak again soon. Mrs Renfrew: Good day to you. [Jane raises his eyebrows at Gardner as he leaves.] Jane, Lisbon and Minelli once more in Minelli's office. Minelli: Gardner Renfrew is a player in this town. You can't go to his house and screw around with him. Jane: Why not? It's a free country. I didn't use my ID. I didn't even mention the CBI. Minelli: You gave your real name. Jane: It's my name! Minelli: Well, you should have lied as you so often do, because now I have to give you an official reprimand and order you in the strongest possible terms to leave the Renfrew family alone and drop the matter. Jane: Sorry, can't do that. Minelli: You have to. This is straight from the AG's office. Jane: Jared Renfrew didn't kill Andine Kopecki. Lisbon: Do you have evidence of that? Jane: Not yet. I have pieces that I'm piecing together. He's innocent. Minelli: Wake up, Dorothy. You're not in Kansas anymore. There are innocent men in jail. It happens. Is he one of them? I don't know. I doubt it. In any case, we can't re-open his case. Jane [with a naughty smile]: If I'm Dorothy, then who are you? Minelli: It doesn't matter who I am. [Lisbon looks amused.] We will find other ways of making Renfrew talk to you. There's a lot that can be done to make a prisoner's life easier if he co-operates. Jane: It's not going to work. He's innocent. Minelli: Okay. Here it is. If you pursue this any further, I'm going to have to throw you out of the CBI. We can't take the liability. I very much do not want to have to do that. Jane [standing up]: I know you don't, so I'll spare you the trouble. [He puts his CBI ID on Minelli's table.] I quit. Lisbon: Don't do that. Jane: No, it's okay. It's best this way. [He goes over to her.] You are the good witch Glinda, obviously. Thank you. [He puts his hand on her shoulder.] I learned a lot. He smiles at her. She looks upset. He leaves. Lisbon walks into her office and finds Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt waiting for her. Lisbon: Don't bother. I know. I feel the same way. Nothing to be done. Rigsby: So now when he really needs our help, we're letting him down. Lisbon: I want to help him just as much as you do. Our orders state that we must stay away from this case. Van Pelt: I don't care what our orders say. It's not right. Lisbon: We closed cases before he came, we'll close cases after he's gone. Cho: Yeah, just not so many. Rigsby: Cases are not the point. It's not that we need him. He needs us. Lisbon: Yeah, he needs us on a fool's errand. Renfrew's a conman. He doesn't know anything about Red John. Van Pelt: Suppose we found a connection between Renfrew and Red John? Lisbon: It would... Wait, what's in the file? Let me guess, a connection between Renfrew and Red John? Van Pelt [smiles and hands her the file]: Seven years ago Renfrew was serving time on a narcotics conviction. He shared a cell in Lompoc with a man by the name of Orville Tanner. Tanner claimed in his 1998 trial for murder that he had only been an accomplice, that the real killer was a man by the name of Red John. Nobody believed him. Lisbon: '98. That's the beginning of Red John's career. Where's Tanner now? Van Pelt: He died of heart disease in prison hospital. Lisbon: Of course. Our luck. Van Pelt: It's a connection. Lisbon: Slim. Likely nobody believed him for a reason. Rigsby: But it's a connection. Lisbon: Okay. Check out Tanner's background, find the autopsy report, see if there's any credibility to his story. I mean, obviously we can't do that, but that's what I would tell you to do if we weren't ordered to stay away from this case. [They all grin conspiratorially.] The bullpen. Rigsby is on the phone, Cho is looking at a file, Van Pelt is on her computer. Rigsby [on the phone]: Okay, then let me speak to the assistant to the deputy records officer. Van Pelt: Why do people say 'Eureka' when they do something good? Cho: It's Greek for 'bingo'. Van Pelt: Well, so, Eureka. I found the autopsy reports and they back up Orville Tanner's story. The body of the alleged victim - cut up Red John style. Rigsby: Which means that Renfrew is telling some kind of truth about his Red John connection. Rigsby and Cho see Minelli approaching and try to look busy and innocent. Van Pelt doesn't notice him coming up behind her. Minelli: Van Pelt! [She jumps.] What's that you're working on? Cho: Sir, I asked her to... Minelli: I'm talking to Van Pelt. Van Pelt: Sir, I'm doing research for Jane. No excuses, sir. Minelli [looking at the other two.]: You too, I suppose? Lisbon comes into the room. Lisbon: Hey, boss. Minelli: I gave this unit a direct written order and they have flagrantly disobeyed that order. Did they do that with your knowledge? Lisbon: I ordered them to do it. I told them you countermanded your earlier order. They had no knowledge whatsoever that they were doing anything irregular. Minelli: Nice try, Mother Teresa, they already gave themselves up. Rigsby: We never said a word! Lisbon: I stand by my story. They didn't know they were out of line. Cho: Sir, the opposite is true. We forced Agent Lisbon to let us do this. Minelli: Very touching. My ex-wife would have loved this scene in a movie. I'm giving you all formal notice. Any further infractions will result in immediate suspension. Lisbon: Sir, you might as well suspend me now because there will be further infractions. Jane needs our help and he's going to get it. I'm not going to lay off because some fat cat's putting on the pressure. Cho and Rigsby: Me too. Van Pelt: And me. Minelli: Moving. Eloquent. Two thumbs up. You shall have your wish. You're all suspended, starting right now, for gross insubordination. [He walks out.] Lisbon: I'm sorry. Lisbon walks into Minelli's office. Minelli: Oh, hi. Lisbon. [Sarcastically.] Still here? Lisbon: That was more of a rhetorical stand we were taking back there. Minelli: You take it back then? Lisbon: Well no, but I wanted to talk... Minelli: This is the, um, the suspension paperwork right here. Lisbon: Look, I... Minelli: I have to go and visit my sister in Hawaii for a week. She's sick. Meanwhile, this paperwork is going to sit on my desk. For a week. Is that clear? One week. Lisbon: Yes, sir. Thank you. Minelli: Yes, be very grateful. Do not contact me. I do not want to know anything. And please do not dig the hole that you are standing in any deeper than you have already dug it. Lisbon: No, sir. Minelli: That hole is the grave of your very promising career. Lisbon [mischievously]: You should put a flashlight underneath your chin, just to complete the effect. Minelli: I'm not kidding. Lisbon: I know. [She leaves, and Minelli gives a small smile of amusement.] Jane, sitting on a step next to some garbage, looking defeated. He's holding the piece of paper that Mrs Renfrew gave him with the housekeeper's address on it. Flashback to him finding the note on the door and the smiley face the night his family was killed. His phone ringing brings him back to the present. He answers. Jane [on the phone]: Hey Lisbon. [Listens] Oh yeah fine. Uh, just, uh, out... investigating stuff. [Listens] Uh, sure, yeah. Pepperoni or plain? [Listens] Okay. [Listens] Uh, hey, Lisbon, um, thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] The bullpen. Night. Jane, Lisbon, Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt are sitting around a table eating pizza. Jane: Renfrew couldn't dispute the physical evidence. The core of his defence was that he loved Andine deeply and he would never hurt her. Andine's mother testified that was a lie. I went to go speak with her but she'd moved, left no forwarding address. Van Pelt: Mariska Kopecki, right? [She starts typing on her laptop.] Jane: Yeah. Lisbon: How does the brother look? Jane: He had motive. There's a moral turpitude clause in the family trust. Once convicted, all Jared's shares in the family business went to Gardner. But he would have also go the shares if Jared had died. Rigsby: So why not just kill Jared? Why kill Andine? Jane: Exactly. Why kill Andine? Cho: Wanted to see Jared suffer, maybe. Or had a thing for Andine himself. Van Pelt [looking at her computer]: Eureka. I input Mariska Kopecki into the secure search engine. I get an IM link to a healthcare database that documents Mariska Kopecki's notification that she's changing her name to Vanna Clooney. I input the new name and get a hit. Four months ago someone named VK Clooney bought a condo in Marin. Lisbon: Nice work. Van Pelt: Yeah, weird thing though. The original IM came from a civilian. Dr Joe in New Hampshire. He couldn't have been logged onto the DOJ secure network, so how did he know what I was asking about and how did he have access to the healthcare database? Nobody is allowed to do that. Jane: When you say Dr Joe in New Hampshire, do you mean DR JOE N.H.? [He changes the letters to read RED JOHN.] Van Pelt: Yeah. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Jane: Ask 'Who are you?' [She types this and gets a response ".....: -) ..... Is Jane there?" The smiley is in red.] Yes. [He types "This is Jane." And gets a response "Keep up the good work."] Keep up the good work. [He types "Why?" and tries to trace the IM, but it fails.] Van Pelt: He's gone. Rigsby: What the hell was that about? Van Pelt: He somehow tapped into the DOJ secure network. He's been spying on us. Lisbon: Can we find the source of the IM? Van Pelt: There's a self-destruct code built into the uplink. It dead ends at the secondary server. There's no way to trace it back. Jane: He wants us to succeed. He wants Renfrew out of jail. Rigsby: Out where he can get at him to silence him. Jane: Yes. Which means Renfrew is telling the truth, which means he has the goods on Red John. Lisbon: Slow down. We don't have anything yet. Jane: Yes, we still have to get Renfrew out of jail first. Lisbon: That's all? Jane: An we will and then Red John will go after him. He has to break cover, he has to, and we'll be waiting for him. Vanna Clooney's apartment. Lisbon knocks on the door and takes out her badge. Jane: Uh. Lisbon: Damn. [She puts her badge away.] Jane: How are you going to get us in there without your magic badge? Lisbon: You do the talking. Jane: No, you try. Lisbon: Don't be childish, I'm not... [the door opens] Vanna: Oh, I thought it was Harry. Who are you? Lisbon: Hi. Vanna Clooney? Vanna: Yes. Lisbon: I'm Teresa and this is Patrick. Can... can we come in for a moment? [Jane is watching Lisbon with amusement.] Vanna: What do you want? [Lisbon looks pleadingly at Patrick.] Jane: It's to do with Harry. Vanna: What about him? Jane: Well, it's best not to speak out here in public. Inside Vanna's apartment, Jane and Lisbon sit with Vanna in her living room. Jane: Okay, I lied just now. We're here to talk about your daughter, Andine. [Vanna looks furious and stands up.] Vanna: Get out. Jane: Sit down. [She sits.] Vanna: Who are you? Jane: Listen to me, or your guilt and pain and shame won't ever go away. It won't go away until you tell the truth. Vanna: What truth? What are you crazy? You don't know me. You don't know what I feel. Jane: I do know you. When you first came to this country, a young woman, you dreamed of such great things, what a life you'd have. And what did fate bring you? Twenty-five years of drudgery, a servant's life. You hated every day of it. Vanna: Who wants to be a servant? Nobody. Jane: You did it for her, for Andine, so that she would have a better life. Vanna: Yes. Jane: Then she was gone, taken from you in a flash. Your whole life, all those days of drudgery and humiliation wasted. What a joke, huh? Vanna: Yes, a joke, haha. What do you want from me? Jane: I want to know who killed her. Vanna: What's it matter who killed her? She's gone. Jane: Well, you didn't say Jared. That would be the obvious answer. Vanna: Okay, Jared killed her. I don't care. Jane: It's true. There's nothing you can do that will bring her back. So if you get paid to lie about what happened, then where's the harm? Vanna: What? Paid? Nobody paid me anything. Jane: Don't lie to me. Tell me the truth. You took your 20 pieces of silver and bought the life you always wanted, didn't you? Vanna: No. Jane: It's what you always wanted. It means nothing. Lisbon: Jane. Jane: Look at me, Mariska. Look at me and tell me I'm wrong. Vanna: You think you know everything. You know nothing. Jane: I know that Jared and Andine were lovers, weren't they? And you were paid to say that they weren't. Say it out loud. Vanna: Yes, they were lovers. Jane: Who paid you to say that they weren't? Vanna: I don't know. What you call a... a private investigator, he came to me and he offered me a lot of money. A lot of money, but I said no. He offered more. I took it. Lisbon: What was his name? Vanna: Samson. Austin Samson. Lisbon talking on the phone in the bullpen, walking towards Jane's desk. Lisbon: Okay, Cho. Thank you. [She hangs up.] Austin Samson is dead. Jane: What? Lisbon: Hit by a bus. Jane: Damn. Lisbon: We could get a court order for his records. Jane: Remember, you're on suspension. Lisbon: If we don't get this closed up before Minelli gets back, we're done. Jane: Plan B, then. Lisbon: What's Plan B? Jane: Oh, you're not going to like it. Lisbon and Rigsby are at the Renfrew house. Breck answers the door. Lisbon shows her badge. Lisbon: We need to speak with your husband, Ma'am. In the passage outside the room where Andine died. Gardner, Breck and Mrs Renfrew approach Lisbon and Rigsby. Gardner: Who is the Agent in charge here? Lisbon: I'm Agent Lisbon. This is Agent Rigsby. And I believe you've met my colleague, Patrick Jane? [Jane pops out from a side passage.] Jane: Hello. I expect you're all wondering why I gathered you all here? Gardner: Breck, go call the police. Jane: Ah, Mr Renfrew, wait. Unless you want your family ruined in a deluge of sordid scandal, you might want to listen to me. Gardner: What are you talking about? Jane: Someone, I don't know who, paid Mariska Kopecki a lot of money to lie about Jared and Andine. They were lovers, as your brother said. Gardner: So what? The fact is, they were found in a locked room. It's not physically possible for someone to have gotten into the room to commit the murder. Jane: Yes. There's the rub. The key was in the door. Watch closely. [Jane hands his jacket to Lisbon with a flourish, gets the key from above the door and unlocks and opens the door.] Rigsby. Would you please go inside and lock the door. [Rigsby hands Jane a newspaper he is holding, takes the key and does as Jane asked. Jane unfolds the newspaper.] Suppose Jared and Andine are inside sleeping. [He slides the newspaper under the door and uses a pen to knock the key out of the door and onto the newspaper, which he then slides back out through the gap under the door. He unlocks the door with a flourish, lets Rigsby out and hands him back the newspaper.] Breck: That's all very clever, but how do you get out again? Jane locks the door from the outside, lays the key on the floor, gets some fishing line, which he twangs theatrically, before feeding it through the keyhole and back out under the door. He loops the end around the bottom of the key and pulls the other end so that the key is pulled up into the keyhole. Jane: May I borrow your lighter, please? [Gardner hands him his lighter.] Thank you. [He burns the fishing line where it disappeared into the keyhole, and throws the lighter back to Gardner.] And that is how Jared was framed. Cool, huh? Gardner: It doesn't mean Jared is innocent and it certainly doesn't mean that someone else is guilty. It's a party trick. Jane: A party trick a jury will love. Put that together with Mariska's testimony and I think we have a pretty good chance of winning a new trial. Then the truth will come out, somehow. Unless... Gardner: Unless what? Lisbon: Unless we can make some kind of financial deal here that would make it worth our while dropping all of this. Gardner: You want money? You're blackmailing us? Jane: Eh, call it leverage. Mrs Gardner: But you're state agents! Lisbon: Ex-state agents. Thanks to your son here, Jane was tossed out and we're going with him. We need to look after ourselves now. We won't be unreasonable. Gardner: You people are a disgrace! Get out! Jane: Oh, we're going. We'll give you until four to call us with an offer. After that we're going to make some calls of our own. [He takes his jacket from Lisbon and they start walking away.] Gardner: I'll tell you who I'm calling. I'm calling the FBI! Outside the Renfrew home. Rigsby: Am I wrong, or did that go down not quite as you'd hoped? Jane: I've had better responses, but I think we made a sale. Never can tell. Lisbon: We're doomed. In the bullpen, just before 4pm. Jane: Patience. Patience. Patience. [He's sitting with the phone on his lap.] Rigsby: If you say patience one more time... [He's doing a Rubik's Cube. Cho and Lisbon are sitting tensely, waiting. Jane's cell phone rings on his desk. He jumps up and answers it.] Jane: Hello. [Listens.] I'll be right there. [Hangs up.] Lisbon: Who was that? [Jane turns and smiles at her. She smiles back.] The Renfrew's garden. Jane walks out to where Mrs Renfrew is sitting having tea. Jane: I confess. I thought it would be Gardner who called me. Mrs Renfrew: Gardner! [She chuckles.] He hasn't the gumption. I will not see our family name dragged through the mud again. How much do you want to keep quiet? Jane: Hmm. How much did you give Mariska? Mrs Renfrew: I don't say I paid her anything. Jane: You needn't be evasive. Only a guilty person would respond this way to such naked extortion. I know you're guilty. I'm just not sure why. [He sits down.] Mrs Renfrew: Your suspicions are neither here nor there. I asked you your price. Jane: Your late husband was a handsome man. Mrs Renfrew: Yes, he was. What's that got to do with it? Jane: Domineering, though. Had to have things his way. He died how long after the murder? Mrs Renfrew: A week. Aortic aneurism. Jane: Hm. And Mariska, she left your employ when? Mrs Renfrew: At the same time. Jane: After he died, though? Mrs Renfrew: Yes. [Jane grins. He points at the tea.] Jane: May I? [She nods.] Thank you. [He pours some tea.] So you got rid of her as soon as you could after he died, because Andine was your husband's child, wasn't she? Mrs Renfrew: Yes. Jane: And you never confronted him or Mariska? Mrs Renfrew: No. I decided I liked my life as it was. I didn't want a drama and I didn't want to be lied to. They never knew I suspected. Jane: 18 years of secret anger. How did you stand it? Mrs Renfrew: Nobody's life is perfect. Jane: And then when you found out about Andine and Jared's affair, you must have been enraged. It's practically incest. Mrs Renfrew: It is. It is incest. When I found out, I told Jared he was not to continue the affair. He refused. Said he was in love with her. Refused to stop seeing her. Jane: Didn't you tell him why you objected? Mrs Renfrew: Certainly not. I couldn't tell him. It was too sordid. Too humiliating. Jane: Instead you killed Andine, paid off her mother and sent your son to jail for life. Mrs Renfrew: No. I wouldn't do that. [She gets her bag and takes out a vial of blood.] Andine's blood. [Flashback to her seeing Andine and Jared kissing and going into his room. We then see them asleep and her getting into the locked room as Jane had shown, cutting Andine's throat and catching some blood in the vial.] It's proof I did it. I took it so I could confess and get Jared freed when I chose. Just as soon as he'd learned his lesson. Jane: What lesson? Mrs Renfrew: Everything in moderation. And listen to your mother. Jane: Can't argue with that. CBI HQ. Two weeks later. Cho and Rigsby are getting their guns and gear ready. Jane: Good? Rigsby: Yip. Jane goes to Lisbon's office. She's sitting at her desk. He pops his head in the doorway. Jane: We're ready to go get Renfrew. Is the safe house all set up? Lisbon: Yeah. Jane: Good. [They look at each other.] I guess I'll see you over there later. Lisbon: Jane, please be careful. Remember this is playing out just like Red John wants it to. Jane: This is playing out just like it has to. He has no choice but to try and silence Renfrew. He has to show himself. We're getting close. I can feel it. Lisbon: You can feel it. Like a psychic thing? Jane [smiling]: No. I am quietly confident that we will get a bite. Lisbon: You think you're playing him and he thinks he's playing you. One of you is wrong. He smiles and leaves. Jane, Cho and Rigsby wait by their SUV outside the prison. A guard brings out Jared. Jared: Thank you. Thank you. [He hugs Jane.] Jane: I kept my side of the bargain. Now it's your turn. Tell what you know. Jared: Absolutely. All will be revealed, but... here? Give me a chance to catch a breath of fresh air. And then we will sit and talk as long as you like and I've got a lot to tell and I owe you. Big time. I owe you my life. In the meantime, uh, I would kill for a cheese burger and fries. Jane: Drive through. Rigsby: Put this on. [Hands him a bullet-proof vest.] Jared: Can't you say please? I'm a free man now. Rigsby [sighs]: Put this on, please. Jared: Sure. They drive into a crowd of protestors carrying posters that say "Fur is evil", "Save the Earth" and "Meat is murder" and get stuck. Rigsby: What the hell is this? Oh, geez, come on! Cho: Relax. Jared suddenly throws his coffee in Cho's face, jumps out the car and disappears into the crowd. Jane, Rigsby and Cho give chase, but he's vanished. Jane looks distraught. CBI HQ. Lisbon: He vanished 5 hours ago and we've heard nothing from him since. The town was on pretty good lock-down, so we're guessing he had friends to get him out of the area fast. Minelli: Planned it in advance, probably. [Cho throws slams the ball he's holding angrily into the ground.] Lisbon: Would you stop that! It's not your fault. Cho: Well, whose fault is it then? It's mine. I have to accept that. Jane: Ah, actually it's my fault. Okay everyone? My fault. Lisbon: What's done is done. Focus on now. We need to get to Renfrew before Red John does. Where is he now? Who are his friends? What are his options? Jane's cell starts to ring. He goes to his jacket, which is by his desk, fishes it out and answers it. Jane: Hello. Jared: Mr Jane. I just wanted to call and apologise for letting you down. (Jane waves his arm to the others to let them know that he's on the phone with Jared.) Jane: Hello Jared. Cut to Jared sitting in a motel room watching a hooker undressing. As the conversation continues, we cut between Jane looking out of the window at the CBI and Jared in the motel room. Jared: It was dishonourable, I know, but crossing Red John just seems too dangerous. Jane: You've already crossed him. You need our protection. Jared: I haven't given you a thing. Jane: How is he to know that? Jared: Oh, he'll know. He'll know. Like I said, I have friends and they'll put in a good word for me. Jane: Friends. What friends? Who? Jared: Ah. Wouldn't you like to know? Jane: Jared, listen to me. You can't trust them. They're not your friends. Jared: Vaya con Dios, amigo. [He hangs up.] Jane: Jared. [He hangs up.] Damn fool. Red John probably already has his location. Lisbon [turning to Van Pelt]: Did you trace the line? Van Pelt: Yes, I'm tracking the call now. Jane: He's in Tijuana, Mexico, in a motel room with a hooker. Minelli: Because? Jane: He wouldn't call if he didn't think he was out of our reach. I could hear Latin music and sirens and horns and a whole neighbourhood in the background, which suggests thin walls and a city. Hence Tijuana motel room. Lisbon: And the hooker? Jane: He needs to use somebody's phone and he has been in prison for a year, hence the hooker. Van Pelt: The phone belongs to Juana Porfiria Braga, Calle Rojas 65, Tijuana, Mexico. Five arrests on prostitution charges. Let me get a location on the call. Minelli: I'll go reach out to the federal police in Tijuana. [To Rigsby and Cho] You boys come with me. Cho: Yes, sir. Minelli, Cho and Rigsby leave. Lisbon walks up to Jane. Jane: Go ahead, say it. Lisbon: Say what? Jane: You told me, you warned me, you get the privilege of saying 'I told you so'. Lisbon: It's all right. Not now. This isn't over yet. We're gonna find Renfrew and he's gonna tell us what he knows. Van Pelt: Got it. Motel Corona Del Norte. Zoom in on Google Earth map to Motel Corona Del Norte, Paseo de las Aguas 1618,Zona Rio, Tijuana, BC. A local cop breaks in the door. Rigsby and Lisbon come in, guns raised, with Jane behind them. Rigsby turns on the bathroom light, puts away his gun and runs out the motel room. Lisbon approaches next, putting away her gun. We see in the reflection in the mirror that she's seeing a Red John smiley and Jared and the hooker, bloody and dead in the bathtub. There is bloody writing on the wall. She looks shocked and walks away. Jane comes and peers in cautiously. The writing says "He is Mar". He backs away to where Lisbon is standing. The bodies are being carried out in black body bags. Jane and Lisbon are sitting next to each other on the unmade bed. They're not looking at each other. Jane: Well, you can say it now. Lisbon: I don't really feel like saying it. Let me take a rain check on that. Jane: Sure. Lisbon: What do you think it means? Jane: It means Red John is far more powerful than I ever thought. He's been way ahead of me this whole time. Lisbon: I mean the writing on the wall. Jane: Oh. [He looks at her.] I have no idea. [She's looking at him now.] Lisbon: Well, it's a good clue, though, isn't it? Jared was trying to tell us something important. Jane: Maybe. [She touches him on the arm.] Lisbon: Next time. We'll get him. Jane: Next time. [They both looked pained at the idea of a next time.] A cell-phone starts to play a Latin tune. It's the hooker's phone lying on the table. Jane answers and hears breathing. Jane: Hello. A voice laughs evilly on the other end. END.
doc_147	"The Finger in the Nest" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Open: Special Agent Seeley Booth and his son, Parker, are walking through a park, talking. Booth has a football in his hands.) BOOTH: You know what the most beautiful thing in the world is? PARKER: Mom says a sunset. BOOTH: Okay, well, one of the most beautiful man-made things. PARKER: Mom says the Mona Lisa. BOOTH: Okay, look, all due respect to your mom, buddy, but a perfectly thrown spiral is way better than any of that stuff, okay, so let me show you how you do this. You put your hand up here like that, spread your fingers wide. PARKER: My hand's too small. BOOTH: It'll grow, alright? Okay, hand there to steady the ball. Lift it up to your ear. (Parker lifts the football up near his chin.) BOOTH: No, your ear, not your chin, silly. Alright. PARKER: What's it saying? BOOTH: It's saying, "Throw your old man a deep pass for a touchdown!" Hey! (Booth runs out to catch the football then runs back to tackle Parker.) BOOTH: What? What you got? Whoo! (They both go down and Parker looks up into the tree they're playing beneath.) PARKER: Hey, there's a bird's nest. BOOTH: Where? PARKER: There. BOOTH: Cool, huh? Hey, you want me to lift you up so you can see inside? PARKER: How about I knock it down with a perfect spiral? BOOTH: No, no, no... don't do that, you don't want to do that. That's somebody's home, okay, buddy? Something could be alive in there, okay? (Parker nods understanding.) BOOTH: So you want me to boost you up so you can see? PARKER: Sure. BOOTH: Alright, you ready? PARKER: Yeah. BOOTH: One, two, three and up. (Booth lifts Parker so he can see into the nest.) BOOTH: What do you see up there? PARKER: Higher, a little higher. BOOTH: Higher? Okay. (Parker looks into the nest.) PARKER: I see something. BOOTH: Well, if it's an egg, don't touch it because if the mommy bird comes back... PARKER: It's not an egg. BOOTH: What is it? (Parker lifts something out of the nest and looks at it.) PARKER: It's somebody's finger. (Cut to: Dr. Temperance Brennan driving in her car talking on her cell phone to Dr. Camille Saroyan who is in the Medico- Legal Lab platform, with Brennan on speakerphone, she's there with a new grad student, Mr. Scott Starret.) BRENNAN: He pulled the finger out of a bird's nest. CAM: Did he completely freak out? BRENNAN: Booth said Parker wanted to put it in his pocket and take it home. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab platform.) STARRET: When it comes to boys, that "snips and snails and puppy dog's tails" thing is pretty accurate. CAM: You have a son? STARRET: I have four. BRENNAN: (heard over the speakerphone) Mr. Starret is my oldest grad student. (Cut to: Brennan driving.) BRENNAN: Can you get a fingerprint? CAM: (heard over the speakerphone) Uh, not enough flesh. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab platform.) STARRET: There are scrapes on the bone and a jagged appearance here where it was severed. BRENNAN: (heard over the speakerphone) Well, it was probably chewed off by a wild animal. (Dr. Jack Hodgins enters the platform.) HODGINS: The sticky stuff on the finger turns out to be sap from a flowering Japanese Cherry. (Hodgins looks at Mr. Starret strangely, and then shakes a finger at him.) HODGINS: I know you from somewhere. (Mr. Starret looks Hodgins over and nods agreement.) STARRET: Right. I sold you a vintage '50s hot rod back in the mid-90s. You were clean shaven back then. HODGINS: Because I was a kid. BRENNAN: (heard over the speakerphone) But you drove a hot rod, Hodgins? HODGINS: No, I did not. The lemon he sold me broke down after a week. CAM: Body parts in park, mystery needs solving. HODGINS: (turns toward a computer and begins typing) The nest was made by a corvus brachyrhynchos. The American crow. (Cut to: Image of a black crow on a computer screen.) HODGINS: A crow will seldom stray more than twelve miles from its nest. STARRET: There's a spectacular copse of Japanese flowering Cherry at the Jefferson Memorial. HODGINS: How do you know? STARRET: Career number two: Parks supervisor. CAM: The Jefferson Memorial is eight miles from where Parker found the finger. BRENNAN: Good work, guys. (Hangs up her phone) HODGINS: I'd say "King of the Lab" but... that just depresses me. (Hodgins exits and Starret looks confusedly at Cam. She shakes her head.) CAM: Don't ask. (Cut to: Booth's office at the FBI building. Parker is sitting in Booth's chair at his desk and Booth and Dr. Lance Sweets are standing outside the office watching him.) SWEETS: A human finger? BOOTH: Yeah, a human finger, alright? Look, is my son going to be suffering from some kind of post-traumatic stress, you know like suppressed feelings, memories, all that hooey? SWEETS: Well, a child's brain can't process death as an end. You know, that's why we tell children that their deceased loved ones are looking down on us from heaven. BOOTH: Which they are. SWEETS: Yeah, it's an excellent coping technique. You know, grandma isn't worm food, she's simply moved on to a better place. BOOTH: Which she did. SWEETS: Yeah. Parker looks good to me. (Cut to: Parker playing with a baseball and glove.) BOOTH: So, you talk to him? SWEETS: "Hi, Parker, I'm Dr. Sweets. I'm a psychologist and I'm here to talk to you about the human finger that you found." BOOTH: That's great. Could you do that? SWEETS: No. That could introduce issues that don't currently exist. Just call me if he displays any symptoms of distress. BOOTH: Okay, any symptoms of distress. Like um, killing cats? SWEETS: Yeah, sure. (Cut to: Booth and Brennan, Booth is sitting in the SUV while Brennan leans against it. Lights are flashing around them, obviously at a crime scene near the Jefferson Memorial.) BRENNAN: When I was five years old, I went next door to visit our neighbor, Mrs. Walkey, and she was dead; sitting at the kitchen table. And I'm alright. BOOTH: You spend your life with skeletons. It's just a matter of time. He's just a kid. He's gonna realize that he had a dead finger in his hand. He's gonna freak out. BRENNAN: Are you afraid you're going to get into trouble with Rebecca? BOOTH: There's a chance that he might not say anything to her. BRENNAN: So, yes. FBI AGENT: Agent Booth? BOOTH: Yeah? FBI AGENT: We found something. (Booth gets out of the car and shuts the door.) (Cut to: Booth and Brennan with flashlights walk into a copse of trees.) BOOTH: Okay, what have you got? (Cut to: An opossum chewing on a corpse.) BOOTH: Whoa! BRENNAN: Aww, it's an opossum. BOOTH: Eating a body. Should I shoot it? BRENNAN: No. No, no, no. Opossums are scared of humans. Here! (Walks toward the opossum, tucking her flashlight under her arm, and starts clapping her hands.) Shoo, shoo, shoo. Shoo, shoo. Go, go, go, go. Go, go, go. Shoo, shoo. C'mon, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo. (Opossum walking slowly off.) BOOTH: Yeah, they're terrified. (Brennan returns to the corpse and looks down at it.) BRENNAN: A number of body parts are missing. We'll have to grid the vicinity. BOOTH: Okay, we'll re-calibrate the search, and we'll call this ground zero. BRENNAN: Fanny pack, PDA clip. BOOTH: Well, if you can identify this person, I can subpoena the PDA's contents. BRENNAN: Partial skull. BOOTH: (Shines his flashlight around the area and lands on the opossum.) Oh, look at that. The possum's dead. (Eyes brighten with an idea.) I got it! The victim was poisoned, the possum ate the victim, got poisoned and died. That's it. BRENNAN: (walks over to the opossum while explaining to Booth) A stressed-out opossum can go into a false sleep, lasting up to four hours. (Picks up the opossum by the tail, and it starts moving shortly after.) BOOTH: Oh. So the possum was faking it? BRENNAN: Uh-huh. (Puts the opossum down and it walks off.) BOOTH: Wow. Yep, there it goes. BRENNAN: Uh, you should go get him. BOOTH: What do I look like, Ranger Rick? BRENNAN: He could have evidence in his digestive tract. BOOTH: C'mon, Bones. BRENNAN: Booth, evidence. BOOTH: Fine, I'll go get your possum. BRENNAN: Opossum. BOOTH: Possum. BRENNAN: Opossum. ACT ONE (Open on: Medico-Legal Lab platform. Mr. Starret and Cam are examining the remains found near the Jefferson Memorial.) STARRET: The sternal rib end indicates the victim was between 35 and 40 years old. The length of the long bones suggests he was between five-foot-eight and five-ten. CAM: He? STARRET: Bone density and skull indicators suggest male. CAM: Time of death... approximately four days ago. Lividity indicates that he died somewhere else and was then dumped. Deep puncture wounds to the trachea pierced the jugular. He bled to death. STARRET: I'll make an impression of the wounds, and see if we can't specify a murder weapon. CAM: First we look for particulates. (Cut to: Hodgins looking in a microscope, Sweets is standing nearby.) HODGINS: Bull pen1s. SWEETS: Beg your pardon? HODGINS: The fanny pack had dandruff-sized flakes of bull pen1s in it. (Sits back from the microscope and looks at Sweets) Why are you spying on me? SWEETS: Could it be because I'm the dupe of an organ of the shadowy forces that secretly run this country? HODGINS: You got the dupe part right. (Looks back into the microscope) Freeze dried bovine phallus. SWEETS: You know where to find me if you wish to discuss anything. HODGINS: Yeah, the problem isn't finding you-it's avoiding you. Hm. SWEETS: Okay. (Sweets exits.) (Cut to: Angela's office. Angela is at the computer while Starret and Cam look over her shoulders.) ANGELA: The skull was badly mangled, so I was only able to construct a partial. But I cross-checked physiological markers against the missing persons database and it yielded three possibilities. Okay. Robert Sanchez, 24... STARRET: Too young. ANGELA: Michael Minden, former basketball coach, thirty-nine. STARRET: Too tall. ANGELA: That leaves Dr. Seth Elliot, veterinarian, thirty-seven. CAM: Any objections to Dr. Elliot? STARRET: He falls into the parameters. Plus, dog trainers use freeze dried bull penises as rewards. He was a veterinarian. ANGELA: H-how do you know about the bull pen1s stuff? CAM: He's middle-aged and he's held every possible job. STARRET: Four boys, seven dogs, fourteen guinea pigs, one reticulated python... you get the point. ANGELA: I got it. (Cut to: Conference room at the FBI building. Booth and Brennan are questioning the ex-wife of the victim, Alice Elliot.) ALICE: Oh, God. I've always hated that fanny pack. That's blood on it, isn't it? What happened? BRENNAN: Mrs. Elliot, when did you last speak with your husband? ALICE: Ex-husband. On Thursday, we made arrangements for Seth to pick up Brando. We have joint custody. BOOTH: And Brando is... (A small dog pokes it's head out of a bag on Alice's lap) your cat. BRENNAN: That's a dog, Booth. BOOTH: I... Thank you. So, uh... Seth Elliot never picked up Fido. BRENNAN: Brando. BOOTH: The dog? ALICE: Seth's dead, isn't he? BOOTH: I'm afraid so. (Alice starts to cry and hugs the dog.) BRENNAN: May I hold your dog while you cry? (Alice hands over the dog and Brennan grins.) Oh, he's so compact. (The dog is making small yipping and growling noises.) ALICE: Brando adored Seth. So did I. BOOTH: Wow, not so many ex-wives speak so fondly of their former husbands. ALICE: I never wanted to divorce Seth. BRENNAN: Then why did you? ALICE: You know, Seth had a serious gambling problem. He would either lose our car payment, or he would come home with diamond earrings. And when he lost our house, filing for divorce was supposed to be a wakeup call. BOOTH: And he never woke up. ALICE: No. BOOTH: Listen, do you have the bookie's name? ALICE: No, ask Karen. BOOTH AND BRENNAN: (Together) Who's Karen? (Cut to: Dr. Elliot's office. Booth and Brennan are talking with Karen Landrew, Dr. Elliot's assistant.) KAREN: (Crying) I've been Dr. Elliot's assistant, receptionist, whatever, for like eight months. Murder? BRENNAN: His remains were found in the Jefferson Memorial park. KAREN: Oh my God, poor Seth. I don't know what'll happen to this place now. BRENNAN: Was it doing well? KAREN: We made barely enough to pay the rent, cover his salary, mine and... and the kid who sweeps up. BRENNAN: So no, not very well. KAREN: Seth didn't tell me everything, but I could sense he was under a lot of pressure. He tossed and turned all night. BOOTH: So you slept together? KAREN: He's divorced, I'm single. There's nothing enervating about it. BRENNAN: Oh, for future reference, that word doesn't mean what you think. BOOTH: Look, are you aware that Dr. Elliot had a gambling problem? KAREN: That was Seth's one fault. BOOTH: We'd like to talk to his bookie, if you know where he is. KAREN: I don't think that's how Seth gambled. BRENNAN: How did he gamble? KAREN: Online poker, mostly. BOOTH: Can you think of anything else? KAREN: Well, just after I started here, Seth caught a guy stealing drugs. He-He wrestled him to the ground, called the cops. Everyone said Seth was a hero. BRENNAN: What kind of drugs? KAREN: Ketamine. It's an animal tranquilizer. An-and the guy went to prison. Do you think he killed Seth for revenge? BOOTH: You know, thank you for your help. We're really sorry for your loss. Come on, Bones. KAREN: Without Seth, I'm paralyzed. I don't know how I'll find the energy to go on. BRENNAN: Now that is what "enervating" means. BOOTH: Bones. BRENNAN: What? (They exit.) (Cut to: Booth and Brennan driving. Brennan has a laptop open on her lap, Booth is driving.) BRENNAN: Okay. Tucker Payne. He was found guilty of stealing drugs from Dr. Elliot's vet clinic. Sentenced to two years and he was paroled one month ago. BOOTH: I'll have the drug thief's parole officer bring him in for questioning. Okay? (Brennan's phone rings and she answers it.) BRENNAN: Brennan. (Scene cuts back and forth between the Medico-Legal lab where Cam, Starret and Hodgins are and the car where Booth and Brennan are.) CAM: Dr. Brennan, Hodgins found saliva. BRENNAN: (Heard over the speakerphone) Where? CAM: On the victim. BRENNAN: But why was Hodgins looking for saliva? HODGINS: I wasn't looking for saliva. I found it. (Hodgins heard over the speakerphone.) Giant difference. BOOTH: Whoa, easy pal, watch your tone. BRENNAN: I don't care about tone, I just care about results. (Cam holding up a finger to quiet Hodgins while she speaks.) CAM: Dr. Hodgins was looking for particulates on the mandible and vertebrate that might lead to a murder weapon when he found saliva. HODGINS: There was enough saliva in the wounds to run a DNA profile. BOOTH: Well, it had to be the possum, right? STARRET: Uh, the puncture wounds indicate something larger. BOOTH: Hey, who's that? HODGINS: (Heard over the speakerphone.) A fraudulent used car salesman. CAM: Booth, meet Mr. Starret. HODGINS: (Heard over the speakerphone.) I ran the standard eight nuclear markers for canids... BOOTH: Canids? What's that, like some kind of bug? STARRET: Not a bug, Agent Booth. HODGINS: Canis lupus familiaris. See how annoying that interrupting know-it-all used car salesman thing can be? BOOTH: I'm sorry, w-what is a can-ass familiar-ass... BRENNAN: Domestic dog. CAM: Seth Elliot was killed by a dog with filed teeth. ACT TWO (Cut to: Conference room in the FBI building. Booth interrogating Tucker Payne who is accompanied by his pit bull, Schatzi.) BOOTH: Tucker Felix Payne. You really must hate your parents for naming you that. TUCKER: It's a good name. Felix means "lucky." BOOTH: Assault, possession of various restricted weapons, various drug offenses. You don't seem so lucky. TUCKER: You should see the stuff they didn't get me on. BOOTH: Was it good luck that got you taken down by a veterinarian? TUCKER: I was so high I could have been taken down by a florist. BOOTH: Yeah, the vet is dead. You get paroled, vet turns up murdered. You see where I'm going with this? Make your dog bark? TUCKER: You told me to bring Schatzi so you could hear him bark? BOOTH: Schatzi? TUCKER: It means "treasure" in German. BOOTH: Yeah, I want to hear Schatzi bark. TUCKER: Gib laut! (Schatzi barks twice.) BOOTH: I can't see its teeth. Want to show me his teeth? (Booth takes his gun out and places it on the table. Tucker shows Booth the dog's teeth, Shatzi growls.) Why do you file its teeth down to points? TUCKER: I'm a drug dealer. You people catch me with a gun, I go away forever. BOOTH: Shatzi your choice of weapon? TUCKER: Never had to use him yet. Were you really going to shoot my dog? BOOTH: I got nothing against your dog. (Booth picks up his gun and puts it back in his holster.) I was going to shoot you. See, I'm going to take your dog. (Hands Tucker a warrant.) TUCKER: Aww, man. You got a warrant for my dog? BOOTH: Mm hmm. TUCKER: That's cold. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab platform. Cam and Starret are going over results.) STARRET: Per your instructions, I microsiled the lethal bite mark. See here? (Points to bite marks on a bloody mandible.) CAM: An irregularity in the wound track. STARRET: Yes. I took an impression of Shatzi's bite. CAM: Who's Schatzi? STARRET: (Schatzi barks in a cage behind them.) Drug dealer's dog. (Turns to the dog and points.) Sejet sch n brav! (Turns back to Cam.) He responds to German commands. CAM: Very intimidating. STARRET: The dog that killed Dr. Elliot has a pronounced crack in its canine tooth. And the neighboring bicuspid shows a slab fracture. Very distinct. CAM: So Schatzi's not our killer. STARRET: Schatzi is innocent. (Shatzi barks again and the phone rings, Cam picks up.) CAM: Hey, Hodgins. (Scene cuts back and forth between the lab and the examination area where Hodgins and other FBI forensic crewmen are examining a car.) HODGINS: City police found the vet's car. A forensics crew is going through it now. Booth wanted me to make sure they didn't screw things up. (A forensic crewman gives Hodgins a look, and Hodgins shrugs.) Hey, deal with it. CAM: (Heard over the speakerphone) Well, I hope you find something, 'cause this puppy's innocent. HODGINS: (Heard over the speakerphone.) Yeah, well we're finding gobs of dried blood. CAM: It's a vet's vehicle-could be from one of his patients. STARRET: It's not. HODGINS: (Heard over the speakerphone.) Don't listen to him. You'll end up buying this blood-soaked heap for three times its value. STARRET: I worked as a vet's assistant in college when I was studying to be and EMT. We were as careful with blood as any human doctor. HODGINS: You ever think this vet didn't live up to your high standards? STARRET: (Heard over the speakerphone.) Most likely, the car was used to transport the victim's body, and then dumped. CAM: (Heard over the speakerphone.) That does make more sense. HODGINS: I found... (the forensic crewman clears his throat and gives Hodgins a look) Excuse me. The crack FBI team found a prescription bottle of arithromyacin. CAM: That's not an animal drug. That's a macrolide antibiotic used for a number of conditions. STARRET: Including acne and STDs. (Cam nods and gives him a questioning look. He holds up his hands.) Four boys. CAM: (Heard over the speakerphone) Maybe we got lucky and the bad guy dropped his prescription. HODGINS: Bottle reads "Donald Timmons." STARRET: (Heard over the speakerphone.) We should track him down. HODGINS: Wow, that is an absolutely wonderful idea that could only have sprung from a time-tempered mind of a man with your life's experience ripping off unsuspecting car enthusiasts. FBI FORENSIC CREWMAN: I feel better. You treat everyone like crap. (Cut to: Booth and Brennan driving up to a run-down shack with lots of machinery. Two dogs are sitting outside.) BOOTH: Wow, look at that pit, huh? Muscles like cantaloupes. (Pit bull starts barking.) BRENNAN: (Goes for the door handle to get out of the car.) Is that why we're not getting out? BOOTH: No, it's the country, Bones. They got a different way of doing things. BRENNAN: You're afraid of the dog. BOOTH: No, I'm not. What you do in the country is you sit in your car and you wait. It's rural-polite. Parker had a nightmare. BRENNAN: About severed fingers? BOOTH: No, it was a singing frog. BRENNAN: I don't see the connection. But then I'm one of those people who thinks that if you dream about a banana, it's probably just a banana. BOOTH: He's acting up in school, he's talking back to his mom, he's not flushing the toilet. BRENNAN: He's a boy. BOOTH: Okay, yeah. I get it. You saw a whole lady's corpse when you were a little girl, and you were fine. BRENNAN: Yes. Although, for some reason that I do not understand, I kept staging my own death. Pretending that I drowned in the bathtub, faking electrical shock. It really freaked my parents out. And then once when Russ found me hanging he had to go see the school psychologist. BOOTH: But otherwise you were fine? BRENNAN: Yeah. BOOTH: Yeah, okay. Do you dream about bananas a lot? BRENNAN: Why? (Booth shrugs and a man comes out of the building. Brennan nods toward the man.) Can we get out of the car now? (Booth and Brennan get out of the car.) BOOTH: Quiet. Don Timmons? DON: Why you just waiting in the car? Gladys wouldn't hurt you. BOOTH: FBI Special Agent Booth. This here is my associate, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: Do you know Dr. Seth Elliot? DON: Sure I do. Went to high school with him. He's my vet. Why? BOOTH: He was murdered. DON: Oh, man. (He turns toward the building and shouts.) Robbie. Hey, Robbie! ROBBIE: (Exits the building and walks toward them.) What's up? DON: Seth died. ROBBIE: What happened? DON: This is the FBI, they say he got murdered. This is my boy Robbie. He used to work for Seth part-time. BRENNAN: Can you think of a reason why Dr. Elliot's car would be full of blood? ROBBIE: No, no. It's not like he ran an animal ambulance or something. BOOTH: You ever ride in his car, Mr. Timmons? DON: No, never. Why? (Brennan brings out the prescription Hodgins found in an evidence bag and hands it to Don.) ROBBIE: When it's bagged like that, it means it's evidence, Dad. It's not his. It's mine. DON: Robbie. ROBBIE: Dad, it's a murder investigation. They don't care about insurance. I'm too old to be on my dad's insurance. BOOTH: He got the prescription under your name. BRENNAN: But that's fraud. DON: That's working around a system that doesn't care about people like us. Listen, I'm the father. Robbie shouldn't be held responsible. BOOTH: How about you? You been in Dr. Elliot's car recently? ROBBIE: Last... last time was on the weekend. We did a gelding over at Danny Oliver's place. BRENNAN: What about Tuesday night? Where were you? ROBBIE: I was at my tutor's. I'm trying to get my GED. (Gladys brings a squeaky toy to Brennan and she bends down and pets her.) BRENNAN: Hi. DON: Robbie's going to go to medical school if it kills both of us. ROBBIE: I was kind of thinking I'd be a vet. DON: Yeah, well that's a good backup if you crap out on medical school. BOOTH: We're going to need the tutor's name, address, all that stuff. DON: It's Andrew Hopp. He'll vouch for Robbie. BRENNAN: Gladys is a very nice animal. ROBBIE: Yeah. Dad really trained her great. DON: Gladys, come. Sit. Lay down. What? (Scratches at his ear and Gladys barks.) BOOTH: Well, that's impressive. DON: No sense in owning a dog if you can't control it. BRENNAN: (To Booth.) Gladys teeth are not filed. ROBBIE: What? BOOTH: Oh, Dr. Elliot was killed by a dog with sharpened teeth. (Brennan throws the squeaky toy.) BOOTH: Bones, what are you doing? Enough playing with the dog. BRENNAN: What? ROBBIE: Seth was murdered by a dog? BRENNAN: The murderer was a human being, the murder weapon was a dog. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT THREE (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab platform. Hodgins looking into a microscope and Sweets standing nearby once again.) HODGINS: Back to this, are we? You staring at me? SWEETS: Well, I have concerns, Dr. Hodgins. HODGINS: About me? SWEETS: Yeah, you seem to have completely abandoned your paranoid conspiracy theories. HODGINS: I'm not a trained psychologist, like you, but that sounds like a good thing. (Picks up the phone and dials Cam.) Dr. Saroyan, I've found something important I need to show you. (Hangs up.) SWEETS: Conspiracy was the central idea around which you organized your sense of self. Also, I can't help but note that you're not paying quite so much attention to your personal appearance. HODGINS: Less paranoid and less vain. Again, that sounds like a good thing. SWEETS: These kinds of changes in a man's life indicate intense distress. Would you like to discuss this with me? HODGINS: I'd rather drive a motorcycle full speed into a bridge abutment. SWEETS: Do you, uh... do you often entertain suicidal thoughts? HODGINS: No, I'm more homicidal in nature. SWEETS: Pretty sure you're not saying that in earnest, but as a way to keep me at arm's length. (Cam enters.) CAM: I'm here, what's up? HODGINS: (To Sweets.) Oh, do you mind? I have work to do. SWEETS: You need to talk about these things, Dr. Hodgins. If not with me, then with someone else. Dr. Saroyan. (Sweets exits.) CAM: What have you got? HODGINS: Oh, uh, I found some particulates that the geniuses at FBI forensics missed. CAM: From the victim's car? HODGINS: Crushed exoskeletons of copeopods and other crustaceans. CAM: Ah HODGINS: (After Cam's confused expression.) Yeah, I don't know what that means either. CAM: So, you called me over here to... HODGINS: Make Sweets go away. CAM: Not an appropriate use of your boss, Dr. Hodgins. HODGINS: It worked, didn't it? (Cut to: Brennan's office at the Jeffersonian. Booth and Brennan are walking into the office with Andrew Hopp.) BOOTH: Thanks for coming into the Jeffersonian, Dr. Hopp. HOPP: I'm not a doctor yet. I'm only a third year medical student. BRENNAN: So, you tutor Robbie Timmons? HOPP: Yeah, twice a week-here's a complete record of our meetings. (He pulls out a piece of paper and goes to hand it to Brenann but Booth snatches it.) BOOTH: I'll take that. Thanks. (Booth looks down on a small pillow with parallel stitches in it that Hopp is holding.) BOOTH: You, do a little, uh, needlepoint on the side? BRENNAN: It's used to practice suturing. HOPP: Yeah, next year we use actual corpses. BOOTH: So what is, uh, Robbie like? HOPP: He's a good kid-I mean, he's never going to be what his dad wants, but he tries hard. (An alarm beeps on his cell.) I'm sorry, I have to run. I got a class. (They begin walking out of the office, following Hopp.) BOOTH: Did you ever meet Dr. Elliot? HOPP: The vet that Robbie worked for? The one who got murdered? Yeah. BOOTH: I take it you didn't like him, huh? HOPP: Uh, I was raised not to speak ill of the dead. BOOTH: Yeah, well I was raised to ask questions like that, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist. HOPP: (Sighs.) I met him maybe twice, and I'm pretty sure he was tweaking. BRENNAN: W-what's that? BOOTH: He was a meth addict. HOPP: I'm just not sure Seth Elliot was the best role model for...for Robbie Timmons, that's all. BRENNAN: Did Robbie Timmons' father know? HOPP: No way, Old Don's a pretty straight arrow. Robbie's his main project, so... BOOTH: Well, thanks for coming in. HOPP: Hey, thanks for letting me see this place. It's legendary. (Hopp exits.) (Cut to: Angela's office. Angela is at her computer and Booth and Brennan are standing behind her looking over her shoulders.) BOOTH: It's dogfighting. ANGELA: (Scrolling through pictures of various dogs fighting.) I hate this job, so I'm quitting to go run a gallery in Dubai. BRENNAN: Oh, it's just disgusting. ANGELA: Yeah, we got the subpoena to download Dr. Elliot's PDA records from the server. BOOTH: These were on his PDA? ANGELA: Time-stamped the day of his death. BRENNAN: (Pointing to a picture.) Fighting pit, spectators. A rape stand used to restrain uncooperative females. The smaller cages are for bait-small animals used as rewards for the winners. BOOTH: They teach you that in anthropology school? BRENNAN: Pitting animals against each other is a common pastime in evolving cultures where violence is more commonplace and animal life has no value. ANGELA: To men. No value to men. BRENNAN: Yes, it's always men. BOOTH: Here we go again. Okay, you two don't get all, you know, Xena: Princess Warrior on me, okay? I guess we know now where Elliot liked to do his gambling. BRENNAN: Wait, Ange, go back. (Points to an area on the picture on the screen.) Right there, can you magnify that? ANGELA: What, that blob? BRENNAN: There's something familiar. That's Glady's ball. ANGELA: Who's Gladys? BOOTH: Could be enough for me to get a warrant if the judge had a glass of wine or two at lunch. ANGELA: Dubai, people. I'm going to go sell Inuit art to gazillionaires. (Cut to: FBI Building. Sweets is on the computer, typing when there's a knock and Booth enters towing Parker behind him.) BOOTH: Hey, Sweets. You got a minute for me and Parker here? SWEETS: Wow, there you are, actually right here in my office without an appointment or... Hi, Parker. I'm Dr. Sweets. PARKER: His face doesn't look like a baby's behind. BOOTH: (Covers Parker's ears with his hands.) Look, okay, he's having nightmares. He's uh, not eating. He doesn't want to go to school and suddenly, he's afraid of meteors. SWEETS: Giant flaming rocks from outer space. Who wouldn't be afraid? PARKER: You know I can still hear you. BOOTH: Okay, hum, hum, okay, got it? Hum. (Parker starts humming.) I know all this is connected to him finding that finger. SWEETS: I'm not some radio advice hack who performs diagnoses over the phone. BOOTH: This is exactly why I brought him here in person-cure him. SWEETS: No. It doesn't really work that way. Therapy with a child is... PARKER: (As Booth lets go of him.) Ah, I thought I was going to run out of breath. BOOTH: Yeah, I'm going to run out of breath when I run upstairs to get that warrant from that senile judge. Ten, fifteen minutes? Is that good enough time? Okay, see you! Bye, have fun! (While Sweets shakes his head Booth runs out of the office and shuts the door behind him) PARKER: (Sits down on the couch and puts his feet up on the coffee table.) Are you my babysitter? SWEETS: (Sits down across from Parker.) Parker. That is exactly what I am. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Cam and Hodgins walking through the lab to a workstation.) CAM: The judge said no. Glady's ball wasn't enough for a warrant. HODGINS: Why? CAM: Because over two million of them were sold last year. HODGINS: Well, we did our best. Next case. CAM: We need evidence that the Timmons' place was used for dogfighting. HODGINS: Alright, well, I found crustaceous material in the victim's car. It's an antifungal treatment used on Astroturf. CAM: That doesn't link us with dogfighting, either. ANGELA: (Approaches and nods.) Yeah, it does. (Cut to: Angela's office. Scrolling through more pictures of dogfighting.) ANGELA: Ick. (Next picture.) Ew. (Next picture.) Blugh. (Next picture.) Alright, here we go. Brennan said that this was the dogfighting ring. (Magnifies a picture of the ground.) HODGINS: So, it's Astroturf. CAM: If this Astroturf cleaning stuff was delivered to the Timmons' place, that should get us a warrant. HODGINS: (To Angela.) You're a genius. ANGELA: No, you're the genius. (Awkward silence ensues. Then Cam and Hodgins exit.) (Cut to: Timmons' place. Booth exits the SUV and starts rattling off instructions as he heads back to greet Mr. Cesar Millan.) BOOTH: Okay, people, what we're looking for is evidence of a dogfighting operation. Mr. Millan, thank you so much for coming. CESAR: I hope I can help. BRENNAN: I've seen you on TV. CESAR: Thank you. BRENNAN: No, I only stated a fact-there's nothing inherently complimentary about being on television. BOOTH: She's happy you're here, and so am I. DON: (Exits the building looking angry.) What the hell's going on here? BOOTH: (Hands an agent the warrant.) You know what? Serve him this warrant, tell them we're looking for Astroturf. BRENNAN: So, where do we look first? BOOTH: Start with the larger outbuildings. C'mon. (Cut to: Cesar, Booth and Brennan walking around the buildings.) CESAR: You don't hurt the ones you love. You don't send the ones you love to their death for entertainment. (Brennan stops and looks into a holding pen.) BOOTH: You must really hate these guys. CESAR: I really do. BOOTH: (Watching Brennan as she steps into the pen and looks at freshly turned dirt.) What is it? BRENNAN: He said that the dogs fight to their death. So we should have expected this. (Dog bones are sticking out of the soil.) It's a mass grave. These seem to be all dog bones, but there's other stuff too; some trash, betting slips. BOOTH: We'll send it all back to the Jeffersonian. See if we can trace the betting slips. Find these people and charge them. BRENNAN: Yes, that would make me feel a bit better if we did that. CESAR: (Calling from inside a nearby building.) Agent Booth, we found something. (Cut to: Cesar, Booth and Brennan walking inside the building, looking around.) BOOTH: Yep, dogfighting ring. The Astroturf. BRENNAN: It's just like the pictures on Elliot's PDA. BOOTH: Find any dogs? CESAR: Yes, quite a few in fact. (Cesar opens a door to reveal several dogs chained up on the other side. They all stand up and start barking at them.) CESAR: Shhht. Hey. Shhht. (Snaps his fingers and motions them down.) Shhhh. Down. (The dogs all lie down.) BRENNAN: How does he do that? BOOTH: He's the dog whisperer. (Booth snaps and tries to imitate the sound Cesar makes.) BRENNAN: You didn't do anything. (Cut to: FBI Building interrogation room. Booth is questioning Don Timmons.) BOOTH: Dogfighting ring, the remains of a dozen dead dogs. And you're gonna tell me all that happened a hundred yards from your house and you had no idea what was going on? DON: I never go to the barn. I, uh, I rent it out. (Pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and hands it to Booth.) BOOTH: (Stares at Don for a minute before picking up the paper and reading it. Scoffs.) Numbered company. Don't tell me. They pay cash and you never met the tenant. DON: That's right. As far as I know, they use it for storage. BOOTH: How involved was Dr. Elliot. DON: I have no idea what you're talking about. BOOTH: He owe you money, or maybe you just wanted a bigger cut. DON: Let me go, or get me my lawyer. BOOTH: Whatever happened, you know what? Four days ago, you snapped. You had one of your trained dogs attack him. DON: Four days ago? I'm a driller, Agent Booth. I dig wells mostly, some pylon holes. Four days ago I was at an auger seminar in Chicago. BOOTH: Can you corroborate that? DON: Airplane tickets, hotel receipts, about sixty eyewitnesses. See, I'm kind of the life of the party at those things. I know how to organize a good time. BOOTH: Just like you know how to organize a dogfighting ring. DON: I don't know anything about what goes on down at that barn. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Dogs are everywhere contained in cages. Cesar and Brennan are looking at the dogs.) CESAR: Hey, stop that now. BRENNAN: Could I see your teeth please? CESAR: That's not how you do it. (Motions down with his hand.) Shht. Down. (Opens the cage door.) Down. (Takes the dog by the head and lifts his lip so that Brennan can compare a molding to its teeth.) BRENNAN: No, it's not a match. CESAR: That mold you made, it's like Cinderella's slipper. BRENNAN: That story never made sense to me, but yes. (Another dog starts barking at Brennan.) BRENNAN: Hey, stop that now. (Tries to make the same noises as Cesar to calm the dog.) CESAR: It's not as easy as it looks. Shht. Down. (They open the cage door and compare the mold to the dog's tooth.) BRENNAN: It's a match. CESAR: Are you positive? BRENNAN: This is the killer dog, yes. CESAR: I'm sorry, buddy. (Pets the dog.) So sorry, buddy. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Hodgins and Starret are sifting through evidence on an exam table.) STARRET: Should I be looking out for anything in particular? HODGINS: Yeah, flashy crap you can sell to a gullible kid. STARRET: I didn't sell you that car, you bought it. You saw those horizontal scallops and you just had to have it. I suggested that you look under the hood, but all you did was sit behind the wheel and make vroom-vroom noises. HODGINS: I was twenty years old. STARRET: All these years later you're still blaming me? You're not twenty anymore, Dr. Hodgins, so cut it out. HODGINS: You know...(Long pause as he gets angry, then realizes his mistake.) I'm sorry. I just... (Puts his head in his hands.) I've just been having a lot of problems recently. STARRET: I'm sorry to hear that. HODGINS: My best friend who used to work here with me, he got himself into a lot of trouble. I really miss the guy. STARRET: Dr. Hodgins... HODGINS: You know Angela? She and I, we were engaged to be married, and well, that went south too. STARRET: That's a lot to bear... especially if you feel responsible. HODGINS: Yeah, I do. I do feel responsible. STARRET: You shouldn't be talking to me. HODGINS: Of course not, I'm sorry. STARRET: What I mean is; I'm not the right person for you to confide in. This is my last day here. I leave for a dig in Arizona tomorrow. HODGINS: Oh. STARRET: There are people around here to seem to like you very much. People who are concerned with your happiness. (He roots around in the evidence and brings out a small microchip.) What's this? HODGINS: It's a computer chip. Pet owners have them embedded in their animals in case of theft or loss. But, you knew that. Didn't you? (Cut to: Sweet's office. He's laying on the couch reading a magazine when Booth enters.) BOOTH: I got a message that you have something to tell me about Parker. SWEETS: Uh,yeah, yeah. Uh, you were right. Parker is traumatized. (Booth looks dejected and flops into a chair with a sigh.) Uh, it has nothing to do with the finger in the nest. BOOTH: Huh? SWEETS: Um, he has a girl problem. BOOTH: Girl? He's six. SWEETS: Uh huh. The girl, her name is Stephanie Clyde. She's somewhat large. Likes to pick him up and carry him around. BOOTH: Carry him under her arm? SWEETS: Like a pet monkey. He doesn't know what to do. He says you told him never to hit girls. BOOTH: I told him never to hit anyone. You know, unless it was for self defense. She, uh, carries him around? SWEETS: Like a monkey. At recess. She thinks he's cute. BOOTH: What about the finger? SWEETS: Parker actually wishes that you'd let him have the finger. So he could show it to Stephanie and maybe make her barf. BOOTH: Why doesn't he just run away? SWEETS: Well, when I suggested that, he told me very proudly that his father never ran away from anything. BOOTH: (Laughs.) Proudly? He said that? SWEETS: I think you know what to do. I mean, we've all had our Stephanie Clydes, right? BOOTH: No one's ever carried me around like a monkey, especially a girl. SWEETS: Of course not, me neither. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Cam examining the dog that had the matching tooth, revealing a wound.) CAM: This is exactly where the microchip would be embedded. (Starret takes the serial number off the microchip and it loads in the computer.) STARRET: Ten digits. HODGINS: The FBI can use it to track down Ripley's owner. CAM: If it's his microchip. (Cut to: Dr. Elliot's office. Booth and Brennan hand Karen Landrew a case file.) KAREN: Ripley? BRENNAN: According to the American Veterinary Identification Device database, his owners brought him here. BOOTH: To be put to sleep. KAREN: It's true. You know why? BOOTH: Why? KAREN: Because they didn't know when they bought him that he'd get so big. BRENNAN: You didn't euthanize Ripley. KAREN: Seth couldn't do it. The dog was completely healthy. Instead he found Ripley a new home. BOOTH: Where? KAREN: That, I don't know. BRENNAN: Ripley ended up at a dogfighting facility run by Don Timmons. KAREN: No. Seth devoted his life to saving dogs. He simply wouldn't do that. Not on purpose. ACT FOUR (Cut to: Brennan's office. She's sitting on the couch looking at her computer with Ripley when Booth enters.) BOOTH: Hey, Bones. Don Timmons' alibi checked out. He was in Chicago... (Trails off when he sees Ripley.) Whoa, what are you doing? BRENNAN: I'm just going through the case to see if I missed anything. BOOTH: Uh, the dog should be, you know, in the cage. He killed Seth Elliot. BRENNAN: It's not his fault. He's actually a very nice dog, aren't you? He reminds me of you. BOOTH: Me? BRENNAN: He's got warm and reassuring brown eyes, and he's capable of great violence. BOOTH: Hey, great. Thanks a million. (Starts to walk out.) BRENNAN: Wait, Booth, look at this cruelty. They send dogs into fight, to die or be hurt, and then they stitch them back up and they send them out to fight again. You know, we've been assuming that it's been Seth Elliot doctoring these dogs. BOOTH: Well, he was a vet. BRENNAN: But look... (magnifies a picture of a stitched wound) common suture stitch. See here how it's uneven in the same way, and then there's an "x" at the end? BOOTH: So? BRENNAN: It's distinctive. And I've seen it before. (Cut to: Barn where the dogfighting took place. Booth and Brennan are comparing the pillow Hopp used to practice his stitches with the photograph of the stitched wound. Don, Hopp and Robbie are standing nearby.) BRENNAN: Common suture, uneven..."x" at the end. Same thing. It's like a fingerprint. BOOTH: (To Hopp.) The thread is green nylon. You'd better believe we'll match it. HOPP: Stitching up wounded animals isn't a crime. ROBBIE: What's going on? HOPP: Just everybody shut up, and we'll be fine. (Cesar enters with Ripley on a leash.) BOOTH: Everyone, this is Ripley. BRENNAN: He killed Dr.Elliot. DON: None of us ever saw that dog before. BRENNAN: Well, we can tie Andy here to all of these wounded animals and to Ripley. ROBBIE: Is that that guy from TV who talks to dogs. CESAR: Yes. BOOTH: You see, we want to know who sicced Ripley here on Seth Elliot. BRENNAN: We don't need you. We know you were in Chicago. CESAR: (To Robbie.) Would you mind clapping, like this? (Claps twice.) HOPP: No we won't do that. DON: Do it Robbie. ROBBIE: What? DON: You're not his master, do it. (Robbie claps twice and there is no reaction from Ripley.) CESAR: It's not him. (Booth walks behind Hopp and claps twice. Ripley comes running and sits at Hopp's feet.) BOOTH: Look at that. BRENNAN: He's waiting for your command. HOPP: May... maybe my dog killed Dr. Elliot, but that doesn't mean I made him do it. DON: Ripley's a good dog. He wouldn't attack unless he was ordered. (To Robbie.) Tell these people what you know about Seth Elliot. HOPP: Robbie... ROBBIE: I-I saw it. Andy told Ripley to attack because he saw Dr. Elliot taking pictures of the dogfighting. (Cut to: Sweet's office. Sweets is sitting across from Hodgins.) HODGINS: I don't know how to do this. SWEETS: Mostly you just tell me what's on your mind. HODGINS: Mostly on my mind is I hate everyone. SWEETS: Everyone? HODGINS: To varying degress, but, um... yeah, yeah everyone. (Shrugs.) Angela...the most. Because we, you know, had something great, uh, and now it's dirt, Zack...for being such an idiot, Brennan for bringing us all together, Cam for making us efficient, Booth for giving us a mission, you for pick, pick, picking at me... Should I go on? SWEETS: No, no. I get the point. HODGINS: I just hate everyone. So, what? Intense therapy, heavy medication? SWEETS: Nah. I'm good with the hate. HODGINS: Are you serious? SWEETS: Yeah, I am. You're doing fine. HODGINS: Um... I hate everyone. SWEETS: You're coping. It's a coping technique. Coping's good. HODGINS: Did you get your degree on the internet? Let me see your diploma. SWEETS: You're working. You're living a life of purpose. You haven't turned your back on your friends. HODGINS: Except I hate them all. SWEETS: You're independently wealthy, right? You don't have to work. And yet you choose to stay with the people you hate. HODGINS: Which makes me completely nuts. SWEETS: No, you've... you've replaced one way of seeing the world-paranoia-with another: misanthropy. Soon you'll replace misanthropy with something nicer. But for now, temporarily, I'm satisfied with your coping technique. HODGINS: My coping technique of hate? SWEETS: Correct. HODGINS: So... are you, like, my therapist now, or... SWEETS: No, we work together. HODGINS: (Stands.) Great, see you at work. (Hodgins exits.) (Cut to: Booth's office. Brennan walks in to find Booth sitting at his desk.) BRENNAN: Hey. BOOTH: Hey. Robbie Timmons gave a statement. Andrew Hopp set the dog on Seth Elliot. Apparently Elliot was furious when he found out the dog he'd given to Timmons was used in dogfighting. BRENNAN: Dr. Elliot took all those photos to turn into the police. BOOTH: Andrew Hopp would have lost his main source of income. He would have been forced to leave medical school. BRENNAN: What about the rest of the people in the dogfighting ring? BOOTH: Don't worry about it. We'll round 'em up. (Looks at the bag Brennan has in her hand.) So, what do you got there? BRENNAN: (Takes a collar and leash out of the bag.) Well, I've decided to adopt Ripley. BOOT: Bones... BRENNAN: I've already contacted a dog walker and a doggie day care place, and my dad will take him when I leave town. I got a little tag. See? Ripley Brennan. BOOTH: He was put down. BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: I'm sorry. You know, he killed someone and they had to put him down. BRENNAN: It wasn't Ripley's fault. People made him do what he did. BOOTH: I know. I'm sorry. BRENNAN: You can tell he's a good-natured dog. They put him down? BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: Damn it. BOOTH: Bones, I'm sorry. BRENNAN: What are they going to do with his remains? (Cut to: Booth and Brennan in a copse of trees. Booth is putting dirt into a hole in the ground.) BRENNAN: Hey, Booth? Can I do that? BOOTH: You sure? BRENNAN: Yeah, you dug it. (Brennan takes the shovel and begins putting the dirt in the grave.) BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: So did Sweets help you with Parker? BOOTH: Yeah. I told Parker that it's best to just walk away sometimes. BRENNAN: What, sometimes? Isn't it always better to walk away? You know, this dog would still be alive if he wasn't forced to fight. BOOTH: I told him to walk away if it's for himself, and to stand up and fight if it's for someone else. I don't know if that was the right thing to say, but... BRENNAN: You're a very good father. (She finishes with the dirt and sighs.) BOOTH: So, did you want to say something? BRENNAN: Well... I feel that this dog, Ripley, paid a price that was unfair. BOOTH: It's not my fault, Bones, why're you talking to me? BRENNAN: What? You're the only one here. BOOTH: Talk to the universe... or God or Ripley. BRENNAN: Well, I don't believe in God. BOOTH: Well, God spelled backwards is "dog". BRENNAN: And Ripley is dead. Plus he's a dog, with, you know... limited vocabulary skills. BOOTH: Bones, just... speak from your heart. BRENNAN: On behalf of humankind, universe, I'd like to apologize for what happened to Ripley. He was born a cute little puppy and then the people who adopted him wanted to kill him because they were too stupid to realize that he would grow into a big dog. BOOTH: That's good. BRENNAN: (Choking up.) Ripley was a good dog. He didn't wanna fight. But he did it to please his master. Y'know, he didn't want to attack a human being, but he did it to please his master. You know, it wasn't Ripley's fault that his master was cruel and selfish. Like all dogs, Ripley only saw the good in people. Dogs are like that. People should take a lesson. (Brennan takes the dog tag out of her pocket and presses it into the soil over the grave. She then begins to press the dirt down on the grave.) BRENNAN: Is that enough? BOOTH: Yeah. As much as any good dog...(reaches out to touch her shoulder) hey, could hope for. Even with limited vocabulary skills, okay? (Brennan starts to tear up. Booth wraps his arm around her and she leans into him.)
doc_148	[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Joey is looking at a National Geographic and giggling.] Chandler: Are you looking at naked tribe's women? Joey: No, look. (Shows him the magazine.) Chandler: That's a pig. Joey: I know, I know, but look at the knobs on her. (Ross enters and his hair is a mess.) Chandler: Hey! (Joey quickly hides the magazine under the couch.) Ross: Emily's cousin kicked me out! Chandler: What?! Joey: Why? Ross: Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back. Chandler: How can he do that? Didn't you sign a lease? Ross: Who needs a lease when it's family! Joey: Hey, you can stay with us! We'll take care of ya! Chandler: Oh, yeah! Absolutely! Anything you need man! But you have to promise me the second you are feeling better so that we can make fun of your hair! Joey: Yeah. Ross: You got it. Joey: Okay. Ross: Thanks you guys, I really appreciate this. All right, I'm gonna get packing again. Man, I've been moving around so much I'm beginning to feel like a nomad. (Joey starts giggling.) Ross: What? Chandler: He thought you said gonad. (Joey busts out laughing.) Opening Credits [Scene: Monica's restaurant, she is getting inspected by the health department, Phoebe is watching.] Health Inspector: Wow, Monica, if every restaurant is as clean as yours, I'd have a tough time making a living. Monica: Oh, Larry. Phoebe: Umm, do health inspectors work on commission? Larry: No, bribes. (Phoebe laughs.) Phoebe: It's okay to laugh right? Larry: Yeah, I was just kidding. Phoebe: Okay. (She laughs harder.) Larry: I'll check the kitchen floors. Monica: Okay, knock yourself out, Larry. (He goes into the kitchen.) Phoebe: Yum-my! Monica: Larry? Phoebe: Oh yeah! I'd let him check out my kitchen floors. Larry: (entering) A 98. I deducted 2 points because you are not wearing your chef's hat, and that is a Section 5 violation. Monica: Uh, look, Larry honey, umm, I wrote the book on Section 5 and I know that you don't have to wear your hat unless you're in the kitchen. Larry: And where is your hat? Monica: It's in the kitchen, I'll go get it. (She heads for the kitchen door and just after she goes through the door...) Larry: Ahh that's the 2 points. Phoebe: Hey, you should really read that book you wrote. (To Larry) Wow! You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew that she'd have to go in there hatless to get it. You can have your own health inspector detective show! Larry: Oh, I don't know about that. Phoebe: Yeah, but then I can be you sidekick Vunda. Larry: Maybe uh, Vunda could give me her number and I can ask her to dinner sometime. Phoebe: Okay, she would love that! Y'know, 'cause you know all the clean places to eat. Larry: I-I'll call ya. Phoebe: Okay. (Larry goes to leave but heads the wrong way and makes a quick sidestep to go out the right door.) Phoebe: He's so funny! (She imitates what he just did.) [Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is serving Monica and Rachel.] Monica: Thanks. Rachel: Thank you. (To Monica) Mon? Monica: Hmm? Rachel: How's Ross doing? Y'know since all the Emily stuff. Monica: He's not great umm, but he's dealing with it. Oh wait a minute, you're not gonna try... Rachel: Oh, honey, please, no, I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean, he's gonna screwed up for a looong time. And besides y'know, I don't, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced. Monica: Right, you only go for them 5 minutes before they get married. (Danny enters.) Danny: (To Gunther) Two pounds of Moca Java please. Monica: (To Monica) Danny. Are you guys ever gonna go out again? Rachel: I don't know! He hasn't called me since that one time when we went out. I see him in the hallway, we flirt, I'm all ha-ha-ha-ha, and nothing. Danny: (To them) Hey! Rachel: Hi Danny! (Notices his box of liquor he's carrying.) Wow! Thirsty huh? Danny: Uh, actually, actually, I'm having a party at my place on Saturday, it's sort of a house warming kind of thing. Monica: Ohh, fun! Rachel: Ohh, great! Danny: Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. Rachel: Yeah. Danny: Okay, see ya. (Heads out.) Monica: Well, I guess we won't be warming his house. Rachel: (laughs) Okay. All right, I see what he's doing! He's not asking me out, because he wants me to ask him out. Monica: And you're not gonna do that. Rachel: That's right! 'Cause that would give him the control! So now he's all ooh, coming up with this whole I've got a party thing y'know, trying to get me to hint around for an invitation. Blew up in his face, didn't it? Monica: So-so there is no party. Rachel: No, there's a party. There's a party. But the power, that is still up for grabs. You follow me? Monica: I think so. Se, he-he's not inviting you to his party because he likes you. Rachel: Exactly. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, they're entering to find boxes strewn about the apartment.] Joey: Ross? Ross: (entering from the bathroom) Hey roomies! Chandler: Love what you've done with the place. Ross: Oh, yeah I know, I know, it's a lot of boxes, but again I really appreciate you guys letting me stay here. Joey: Not a problem. And listen, hey! Since you're gonna be here for a while, why don't-I was thinking we uh, put your name on the answering machine. Chandler: Oh yeah! Ross: Oh, I uh, hope you don't mind, I kinda uh, jazzed it up a little. Check this out. (He plays the greeting, and We Will Rock You starts to play and Ross's voice comes over it.) We will, we will, call you back! Joey: Hey, all right! Ross: Pretty cool, huh? (They both laugh as Ross heads back to the bathroom.) Joey: (To Chandler) You're fake laughing too, right? Chandler: Oh, the tears are real. [Scene: A restaurant, Phoebe and Larry are having dinner.] Larry: You look beautiful this evening. Phoebe: (smiles) Show me the badge again. (He looks around and flashes her his badge and she laughs.) Phoebe: Shiny. Larry: Oh, will you mind if I wash up? Because I came straight from work and who knows where these babies (Holds up his hands) have been. Phoebe: (laughing) You are just nonstop! (He goes to the bathroom and Phoebe puts some pepper and salt on her food. With the salt she takes a bit and throws it over her left shoulder as she faces us.) Larry: (coming back) We're outta here! Phoebe: Why?! Larry: Just walking past the kitchen I saw 10 violations! I'm shutting this place down! Phoebe: (awed) You have the power to do that? Larry: This does. (Shows her his badge.) Phoebe: (excited) Shut it down. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is entering. As he closes the door, Joey pokes his head up from a box enclosure built using the 2 chairs.] Joey: Hey. Chandler: What are you doing? Joey: Nothing. Chandler: You built a fort didn't ya? Joey: (smiles) Kinda. Chandler: (notices something) Oh my God, the air purifier! Ross's air purifier! All I heard through 4 years of college was (makes a humming noise.) Joey: Dude, you should've gone out once and a while. Chandler: I hate this thing! Joey: Come on, Chandler, Ross is our friend. He needs us right now, so why don't you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is opening the door.] Rachel: Oh, hi Danny. Danny: Hey guys, I just uh, wanted to invite you to the party tomorrow night. Monica: Oh, thanks! We'll try to stop by. Rachel: Uh, actually, I think I'm gonna be busy. Monica: You are? Rachel: Yeah! Remember I got that uh, gala. Danny: Yeah, what's the gala for? Rachel: It's a uh, regatta gala. Danny: Really! You-you sail? Rachel: No-no, but I support it. Danny: Okay, (To Monica) hope I see you tomorrow night. Monica: Okay. Danny: Take care. (Leaves.) Rachel: Okay. (Closes the door.) Walked right into that one didn't he? Monica: What one? You wanted him to invite you to the party and he did it! Rachel: Yeah, but he waited until the last minute! So if I said yes, he would know I had nothing better to do than wait around for an invitation to his stupid party. I said, "No!" Which puts me right back in the driver seat. Monica: Great. So the ball is in his court? Rachel: Ball? There is no ball. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Ross is working on his computer and Joey is making a lot of noise.] Ross: (glaring at him) Joey, please! (Motions to his computer.) Joey: Sorry. (Joey starts playing with a toy alligator and has it attack him.) Joey: Ahhhhhhhhhh... (Notices Ross looking at him and stops. Ross gives him his 'quiet down' maneuver. Okay, this may take a while to explain, so center this on you screen and place your hands about a foot apart with your fingers together and pointing straight up. Now take you fingers and point them at the other hand and making a 90-degree angle with each of your hands and the first knuckle counting up from the wrist. Now take your right hand, no your other right (that was for the dyslexics), and lower it a couple of inches, so that the fingers are pointing at your wrist. Now take your arms and keeping the elbows bent and your hands in front of you spread out your arms, kinda like making a bird's wing. Now hunch your shoulders over and move you hands up and down as if you are trying to tell some one to turn it down. That's Ross 'quiet down' maneuver. Well, there is an accompanying face, but I don't want to try and describe it as well.) Chandler: (entering) Hello children! Joey: Hey! Wanna play some foosball? Please? Chandler: Okay. (Starts to head for where the foosball table usually is.) Joey: No-no, no! We have to move the table into my room, yeah! 'Cause of all the boxes. Come on! (They go into his bedroom.) Joey: All right, I have one question. What is the deal with this? (Imitates Ross's 'quiet down' maneuver, but does move his hands up and down he just flaps his hands as if he's waving good-bye.) Chandler: Bye-bye little puppet Joey hand? Joey: No, the quiet down thing! Chandler: You mean this. (Does the maneuver perfectly.) Joey: Um-hmm! Look, I-I-I don't know how much more of this I can take! Did you know he taped over my Baywatch tape with some show about bugs! My God! What if that had been p0rn? Chandler: (gasps) All right look, y'know, this maybe tough but come on, this is Ross! I survived college with him! Joey: All right, I guess I can hold out a little longer. Let's have a game. Chandler: Okay. (They start playing.) Chandler: No-no-no-no! Joey: YES!! Ross: (entering) Uh fellas, (Does the maneuver and gives them a double thumbs up, which Chandler returns as he closes the door.) Chandler: Okay, so he's out of here. Joey: Um-hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.] Joey: (entering) Hey! Monica: Hey! Joey: You guys got anything to eat? I just went down to Johnos for some chicken and it was closed! Phoebe: Oh, I took Larry there to eat but it was all violated. So we shut it down! Joey: Pheebs, if this guy keeps closing down all of our favorite places, where are we gonna eat?! Monica: I don't know, clean places? Joey: Umm, yum! (There's a knock on the door and Monica answers it.) Monica: (looking through the peephole) It's Danny. Rachel: Don't let him in! I'm supposed to be at a regatta gala. Monica: (to Danny) We'll be right there! (To Rachel) Can't you just say it starts later? Rachel: What? What kind of a regatta gala starts at night?! Monica: The fake kind! (She opens the door and Rachel hides behind it.) Danny: Hey, hi, I need a ladle. You got a ladle? Monica: We have a ladle. (Gives him one.) Danny: Thanks, see you at the party. Monica: Okay, great! (He leaves and she closes the door.) Phoebe: Hey, guys, you know what Larry would say? He would say, "See you ladle." (Laughs.) [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are there. Chandler and Joey are looking through the paper.] Chandler: Well, I-I-I'm done with this. You want anything Ross? Sports? International? Apartment listings? Ross: I'll take sports. Joey: Mine! (He grabs it.) Ross: All right. Uhh, international. Joey: Oh that's mine too! (Grabs it and Ross looks at him.) I'm Italian! Ross: Well, I guess I can check out those apartment listings, even though there's never anything in here. Chandler: Not even on page 7? Ross: (looks) Oh yeah! You're-hey, you're right! Here's an affordable place, (reading ad) two bedroom, close to work, ooh, it's available in five weeks! Chandler: What about that circled one? Ross: Oh, I-I don't know, it's kind of expensive for a studio. Joey: But it's available now! Isn't it? Chandler: Yes, it is. Joey: Hey, let's go look at it! (They both jump up.) Ross: Okay, let's go. Joey: Okay! Chandler: There we go! Ross: Oh-oh-ooh, hey guys, I was wondering if you guys would uh, maybe chip in on some new air filters for the air purifier? I mean after all, we all are using it. Chandler: Let's go quicker. Joey: Yeah! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The apartment in the listing, the guys are checking it out. There's one problem though, it's roughly the size of this computer screen. As they enter Joey lets out a whistle.] Ross: Oh my God! (Looking around, which doesn't take him long.) Chandler: Yeah, well look at this kitchen, slash bathroom. Well that's great! Y'know so you can cook while in the tub. Joey: Somebody was using his head. Hey, let's check out the rest of the place. (They don't move, just look all around them.) Ross: I think this is it. I don't know, maybe we should keep looking. Joey: But hey, Ross, this place is available now! Chandler: Yeah, you don't want to be stuck with us for the next five weeks. Joey: Yeah. (He looks at them.) Ross: (To Joey) So, you-you think I should go ahead and take this place? Joey: Oh, it's perfect! Ross: (To Chandler) How about you? Chandler: It's a kitchen slash bathroom. Ross: All right, I see what you guys are saying. I'll uh, I'll go downstairs and fill out an application. (He exits.) Chandler: We are bad people. Joey: He knew we were trying to get rid of him. He knew! (Pause.) You think we could get a bathtub in our kitchen? [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there waiting for Larry.] Larry: (entering) Hey, ready for dinner? Phoebe: Ooh, absolutely! Larry: Great! How about you wanted to go the Italian place down on Bleaker Street right? Phoebe: Ooh, I love that place! (Thinks about it.) So, no. Larry: How about Mama Lisettie's? Phoebe: Enh. Sure! Larry: (notices something) I wonder how long that milk (on the counter) has been setting out. Phoebe: Oh, no-no, this place is totally healthy! That-this milk is mine. I bought this today, 'cause I was thirsty for milk, y'know. (She takes a swig of it, but has to turn away from him as she makes a face to show that it has gone bad.) Okay, let's go! (Just as they're about to leave, Gunther comes out of the back carrying two garbage bags. Larry sees this and stops him.) Larry: Hey, buddy! (Flashes his badge.) Are you familiar with Section 11-B of the Health Code that requires all refuse material out the back exit? Gunther: But then I'd have to go all the way around the dry cleaner place. Larry: Oh, so you're saying you'd choose convenience over health?! Phoebe: Okay, stop! Larry, okay, can't you just be Larry and not Larry the health inspector guy? Y'know I mean it was really exciting at first but now it's like, okay, so where are we gonna eat ever? Larry: Well, I suppose I could give him a warning. Phoebe: Thank you. (To Gunther, who's standing there frozen) Okay, go! Go! Go! (He runs off.) (To Larry) Now, if after dinner you still really need to bust someone, I know a hot dog vendor who picks his nose. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are lamenting about how they kicked Ross out.] Joey: Maybe, maybe we did a good thing, helping Ross get back on his feet! Chandler: Yes that was a nice place! Joey: Yeah! Chandler: Not a lot of closet space, but he can just hang his stuff out the window in a bag! Joey: Yeah! (Pause.) Chandler: What are we gonna do? Joey: I don't know. Maybe pizza? Chandler: About Ross! Joey: Oh! Oh! (The phone rings and Joey answers it.) Joey: Hello! (Listens.) Oh yeah! (To Chandler) It's the apartment manager; Ross put us down as references. (To the apartment manager.) Ross is the greatest guy you'll ever meet! Yeah, he's very reliable. Chandler: (grabbing the phone) Of course he has this big huge dog! That uh, barks into the night. (Listens.) Well, who doesn't love dogs? (Thinks.) Ah, he's a tap dancer! (Listens.) Yes, some would say that is a lost art. (Thinks.) He's a pimp! (Listens.) There you go! Yes, he's a pimp. He's a big, tap dancing pimp! (Pause.) Hello? (The apartment manager hung up on him and he hangs up the phone and throws in on the chair. Joey motions, "What the hell was that?" Chandler makes a face to say, "Think about it." Joey tries to divide 136 by 13; he's confused. Suddenly, light dawns on yonder dunder head. He gets it.) Chandler: Ohhhhh! (Joey motions, "Now, that's thinking!") [Scene: Downstairs at Danny's party, Monica and Rachel are coming down the stairs and Rachel has on a coat to make it look as if she's just getting back. But just as they reach the landing they see Danny out in the hall talking to a guest, Rachel then quickly pulls Monica back up the stairs.] Rachel: Shoot, shoot, this is never gonna work! He's right there! Monica: Just go over and say hi. Rachel: No, I have to go downstairs and come back up as if I'm coming home from the regatta gala. Okay? So just go distract him. But don't be sexy. (Monica obeys.) Monica: Hey, Danny! Danny: Hey! What's going on? Monica: (turns his back to the stairs) Oh, it's a great party! Great food. Y'know, most parties it's all chips and salsa, chips and salsa. (As she's saying this Rachel tries to head downstairs but is blocked by people coming upstairs. She quickly retreats back up the stairs.) (Sees that she has to keep him distracted longer.) So umm, what's this? (Points to his plate.) Danny: Salad. Monica: Ooooh! (Rachel now succeeds in getting downstairs.) And-and-and what-what's this? (Points again.) Danny: Bread. Aren't you a chef? (Rachel returns.) Monica: (upon seeing Rachel she points) Oh. Danny: Hey! Rachel! Rachel: Hey! Oh right, tonight was your party. Danny: Oh wow, you look great! Glad you could make it. Rachel: Oh well, y'know, the gala had to end sometime. Danny: Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back. (He heads off.) Rachel: Yeah, sure. (To Monica) All right, whose court is the ball in now? Monica: I thought there wasn't a ball? Rachel: Oh, come on! He's glad that I came, he doesn't want me to go anywhere, balls flying all over the place! Danny: (returning, with a friend) Rachel, this is my friend Tom. (To Tom) This is the girl I told you about. Rachel: Oh, go on! You telling people about me? Danny: You two could really hit it off! I'm gonna go mingle. (Leaves.) Tom: So you work at Bloomingdale's, huh? My mom calls it Bloomies. Rachel: (laughs) Yeah, okay, at ease solider! Tom: I'm sorry? Rachel: No, it's all right, you can just drop the act Tommy. I know what's going on here. Your Danny's wingman right? You guys are best buds. Frat bros! Tom: I'm gonna go talk to uh, a friend. Rachel: Yeah, yeah, you go talk to your friend. You tell him, "Nice try." (He walks off.) Rachel: Man! He just keeps lobbing them up and I just keep knocking them right out of the park! Monica: I think I need a drink. Rachel: Yeah! (They go get a drink.) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross still has boxes all over the place. Joey is wearing a football helmet, and Chandler is spinning him around in one of the chairs and counting.] Chandler: 98. 99. 100. Okay, go! Joey: (getting up) Dude, I'm telling ya! I'm fine! (He tries to take a step and falls flat on his face.) (He tries to get up again and starts falling backwards and Chandler catches him.) Chandler: Here we go! Here we go! (Ross enters.) Joey: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Ross: Hey. So I uh, I didn't get that apartment. Some problem with my application. Joey: You're kidding! Chandler: You're kidding, no! Ross: Yeah. But, the good news is that Phoebe said that I could stay at her place for a while. So... Joey: But you can't stay with Phoebe, Ross! We're-we're roomies! Ross: Look, you guys don't need me here taking up your space. Joey: Well, we got plenty of space! There-there's still some over there (Points to where the window is but sees that there isn't any space there and points towards his door.) by-by that speaker. Please, just stay! Chandler: Yeah! Ross: Are you guys sure about this? Joey: Definitely! Chandler: Yes! Ross, you have to stay! Ross: All right. Joey: All right! Chandler: All right, buddy! Ross: So I'm a pimp huh? It's okay! Look, I know that sometimes I can be a pain in the ass, but you just have to talk to me. Tell me if something is bothering you. Okay? And for my part I will do everything I can to keep my annoying habits just (Does the 'quiet down' maneuver). (Chandler and Joey smile, but when Ross turns away look at each other with looks of horror.) Ending Credits [Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.] Chandler: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much? Ross: (popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it's fun! Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat? Joey: Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea! (Chandler does so.)
doc_149	[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Prue and Leo are there looking at a teen picture of Piper when she had glasses and braces, stuck on a board along with other people's photos for the 10-year reunion.] Prue: Alright, I know that it seems like she's being a little neurotic, but high school was hard for her. Really, really hard. You know, she was kind of like Jan Brady, the middle sister, not quite sure where she fits in. Leo: Jan who? Prue: Hmm. Piper: (from upstairs) Okay, ready or not, here I come. Prue: Okay, no matter what, just be supportive. (Piper comes down wearing a very weird black and gold feathered dress.) Wow! Um, you look great. Leo: Really, really, really great. Piper: Leo, two really's would have been plenty. I look ridiculous. (Prue and Leo look at each other.) Prue/Leo: No! Leo: Uhh... Prue: Feathers and... Leo: Really... Prue: Yeah. Piper: Great, I'm going to my 10-year reunion and win most likely to scare people away at the door. (Piper walks over to the mirror and starts removing her make-up. Prue motions for Leo to follow. He walks over to her.) Leo: Come on, Piper, isn't this supposed to be a fun thing, you know, going back and seeing all your old friends? Piper: You weren't by any chance popular in high school were you? Leo: Well, I was I mean, is there a right answer to this question? (Leo looks back at Prue and she shakes her head.) Piper: Leo, I didn't like high school, not even a little bit. I was nobody in high school. Prue: Piper, you were not a nobody. Piper: Prue, you were class president. You have no idea what it's like on the other side. Prue: Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. Piper: I just, I had this stupid idea that I'd go back in 10 years and show them, and all I'm gonna show them is that I'm a big haired freak. Prue: Alright, you do not look like a freak. You just, you don't look like yourself. Piper: Well, if I could go as myself, I wouldn't be having this problem. Leo: Wait, so you mean this is like a costume party? (They walk into the living room.) Piper: What I mean is I'm this super powerful witch who's engaged to a Whitelighter saving the world from evil on a daily freaking basis, and all these people are going to see is the same pitiful loser who still lives at home with her sisters and her unemployed boyfriend. Prue: Did you put a lot of hairspray on that hair? Piper: No. Prue: Well, then all is not lost. By the time I'm done with you, you are going to be the hottest chick at the reunion. Piper: Really? Prue: Mmm hmm. Who do you think helped Phoebe go blonde? Leo: Hey, uh, speaking of Phoebe, maybe you guys should invite her to join you, she's been kind of distant lately. Piper: Leo, when you find out your boyfriend is a demon and then you have to vanquish him, a little alone time is in order. (Piper leaves the room.) Prue: Besides, I think she's kind of avoiding me. You know, I mean, I never really liked Cole, and then I tried to warn her. I think it's a whole wounded pride thing. Leo: What do we do? Prue: We double team. You help Phoebe with her demons and I will help Piper with hers. [Scene: An alchemist's lab. He smashes some glass test tubes with his hand. He holds up his bleeding hand. A woman (Terra) is standing in front of him.] Kierkan: (shouting) I made you from my own blood, found you a flawless body and housed you in it. You were supposed to be my... Terra: Masterpiece? I'm not a painting, Kierkan. That blood gave me your powers. You lust for life, yet you hold me captive in this hole and you expect me to be grateful? Kierkan: Belthazor was more powerful than either of us. Where is he now? Vanquished by the Charmed Ones. Terra: Is that fear I'm sensing? Is Kierkan, the dark and powerful alchemist afraid of three little witches? Kierkan: Perhaps I should suck you into your little mixing bottle and start again. There's always room for improvement. Terra: I have a better idea. (She picks up a dagger and stabs herself with it.) Kierkan: No! (Blue gas rises from her body and floats out the door.) I will find you, Terra. You belong to me! [Cut to outside a building. A man in a suit is there talking on his cell phone.] Man: I don't care, it has to be huge. And done. And done before the stock IPO's. And, uh, and please tell the music guy that I don't wanna hear anymore of that '90s techno crap. Okay, this is a computer game for the new millennium and I want it to freakin' sound like that. (Blue gas rises out of the drain and enters the man. She possesses him.) Man/Terra: Bye now. (He hangs up.) Well, I've never been a man before. (He feels his crotch.) Walking should be interesting. (The man looks into the reflection of the building and sees his non-possessed self.) Man's reflection: What the hell is going on? Man/Terra: I want you to take me to the Charmed Ones. Man's reflection: What? Man/Terra: The witches, you fool. They go by Halliwell. (The man's reflection sees someone walk by and calls out.) Man's reflection: Hey, hey, help me! Man/Terra: Nice try, but nobody can hear you. You're just a trapped soul now. Only I can see you. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Piper's room. Prue and Piper are there. There are clothes all over her bed. Piper is dressed in a suit and is looking in the mirror.] Piper: I don't know, maybe we should've gone back to the Betsy Johnson. You know, the cool club chick look as apposed to the classy club owner look. Prue: Yeah or we could just wrap you in a sheet and send you as a Hare Krishna all right? What do you think about that? Since we already tried everything else. Piper: I'm sorry. I just don't think I can do it. I can't go there and face all those horrific people. Prue: I mean, come on, why do you even care what these people think? Piper: Only a former cheerleader could ask that question. Prue: Alright, look, I realise high school was very hard for you, but you are just not that shy awkward girl anymore. Piper: But... Prue: No! Now, you are going and you are going to have a great time, young lady. Piper: You are not the boss of me. Prue: Oh, I am too. Besides, nothing could be worse than my date last night. Piper: What do you mean? I thought he was nice. Prue: Oh, I have one word for you: halitosis. And he only scored a two. Piper: Oh, Prue, please don't tell me you're making lists again. Prue: Of course I am. Lists are good. Why waste your time if it's not gonna work out? Piper: Well, maybe I can look around the reunion for you. I'm sure there's lots of eligible ex-football players for the head cheerleader. Prue: Younger men are not on my list. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Hey, have you guys seen my glasses? Prue: No. Piper: Sorry. Phoebe: Oh, damn. (Phoebe walks back out. Prue and Piper follow her.) Piper: Uh, Pheebs, are you sure you don't want to come tonight? You could work the bar and mix some yucky drinks for some ex-cheerleaders. (Prue elbows Piper.) Ugh! Phoebe: As much fun as that sounds, I have a ton of school work that I need to catch up on, so I'm gonna be at the library all night. Prue: Phoebe, look, we just want you to know that if you need to talk at all, we're here. Phoebe: I know that. I'm okay. Piper: Really? Cause you haven't spent like five minutes in the same room with us for over a week. Phoebe: I'm sorry. It's just there's some things, some answers, that I need, and I sort of need to find them for myself, you know? Prue: Soul searching? Phoebe: Definitely... searching, yeah. But I'm okay, don't worry about me. (to Piper) You look beautiful. Piper: Thanks. Phoebe: Have fun tonight. (She walks away.) [Time lapse. Prue, Piper and Leo are carrying stuff for the reunion out to Piper's car. Someone in a car pulls up in front of the house.] Justin: Piper Halliwell? You still living at home? Piper: Justin Harper, is that you? (Justin gets out of the car and Piper walks over to him.) Justin: Hey. (They hug.) Leo: (to Prue) Uh, so who's this? Ex-boyfriend? Prue: Oh, don't worry about him, Leo. He's just a friend from school. Besides, he had a really big crush on me. He used to follow me around like a puppy dog. Piper: (to Justin) Are you going to the reunion? Justin: Oh, yeah, nostalgia struck. Thought I'd drive around the old neighbourhood. Ten years. It's unbelievable. Piper: Yeah. We were just actually heading to P3 for the planning committee. We have a lot more food than we have room for. Would you mind... Justin: Absolutely. (Piper walks back over to Leo. Prue carries a try of food over to Justin.) Prue: Great! Here you go. Look at you, Justin, all grown up. Justin: Yeah, you, too. Phoebe isn't it? Prue: Hmm. Prue. Justin: Prue, right. Sorry. (Prue goes back inside.) Leo: (to Piper) Well, it looks like you've got all the help you need, which is good because "they're" calling. Piper: No, you can't cut out on me. I need you tonight. Leo: I'll be back in time for the reunion, I promise. Piper: Double extra promise. Leo: I wouldn't miss it. I'm gonna have the prettiest date ever. [Cut to Man/Terra sitting in a car near by watching them. The non-possessed self appears in the rear vision mirror.] Man's reflection: Please. Look, you've found them. Why don't you just get out of me? Man/Terra: I have to get one of them alone. The transfer's a little, huh, messy. I can't do it just anywhere. Man's reflection: Look, I'm begging you. I can't stand this anymore. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm suffocating. Man/Terra: That's because your soul is dying. It'll be easier if you don't fight it. (Piper and Justin drive off and Man/Terra follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Mausoleum. The same mausoleum where Phoebe faked Cole's death. Phoebe's there looking at the hole in the ground where she burnt Cole's shirt.] Phoebe: Cole, if you can hear me. I can't stand lying anymore. I have to tell my sisters that you're alive, that I let you go, and that you would never do anything to hurt us and, that you love me. I just don't know how to do it. I need... (She leans against a coffin and has a premonition of the past. In the premonition there is Cole's mother, father and baby Cole. The mother pushes the father and she zaps him with her power. The premonition ends and Phoebe looks at the coffin. She wipes off the dust and sees "Benjamin Coleridge Turner 1859-1888" carved on it.) [Scene: P3. Prue and Piper come down the stairs carrying plates of food.] Prue: Now just remember, even if you can't tell them that you're super witch, you can still act like it. (Piper spots a blonde woman standing across the room.) Piper: Oh, my god, Missy Campbell, homecoming queen. Prue: Oh, please, it's ancient history. You can do this. (Piper walks over to her. Prue goes up to the bar where Justin is sitting.) Piper: Uh huh. Missy, is that you? (Missy looks confused.) Piper. Piper Halliwell. Uh, we had chem. together and Miss flower for English. Missy: Right, Piper. You used to sit in the back of class drawing pictures on your jeans. Piper: Yes! Yeah, that, yep, that was me. Missy: Wow, your skin has really cleared up. Accutane? Piper: No, n-no, I guess, you know, ten years. Is there anything I can do to help or... Missy: Do you know what would be great? Can you get this trash out of here? (She points to a pile of trash on the floor.) Piper: Absolutely. I, yeah. I can, I can totally do that. I know where the dumpster is and everything. [Cut to the bar where Prue and Justin are sitting.] Prue: Alright, that's it, she needs me. Justin: She's gotta find her legs on her own sometime. Prue: Sorry? Justin: Remember when she ran for freshman class secretary? She got so nervous that you had to go up on stage and finish her speech for her. Prue: See, I knew that you remembered me. Why did you call me Phoebe? Justin: Listen, you plagued my high school existence. I pretend not to remember your name. I mean, a guy's got to turn the tables every, you know, ten years or so. (Man/Terra walks down the stairs and spots Piper cleaning up the trash.) Prue: I plagued your high school existence? Justin: Please, I was your willing slave and you know it. You did me a favour though. Prue: I did? Justin: Oh, absolutely. Yeah, see, I don't go for women like you anymore. Prue: Women like me? Justin: Well, number one on my list, no women can make me drool. They hold way too much power. (Prue smiles.) What? Prue: You have a list? (Prue sees Piper picking up the trash.) Oh! (She goes over to her.) Piper, what are you doing? Piper: Uh, Missy asked me to take out the trash, so... Prue: So, you own this place, alright? Tell somebody else to take out the trash. Piper: Prue, I can't, look, I can't explain it, but being around these people make me feel like exactly when I was 16, invisible and inferior. Prue: You want me to beat them up? Cause I-I-'II beat them up one-by-one. Piper: No. Look, it's not them. It's just me. Prue: Alright, so what are you going to do about it? Piper: Take out of the trash? Prue: Piper. Piper: Okay, I'm going to take out the trash and try and get a grip. And then I'm going to come back in here and do something about these streamers and balloons. Because, what, are we still at the prom? Prue: Hmm. (Piper picks up the bags of rubbish and takes them outside. Prue sits back down at the bar. Man/Terra picks up a knife.) [Cut to outside. Piper puts the rubbish bags in a dumpster. Man/Terra walks outside. Piper turns around and gets a fright. He jabs the knife in his chest.] Piper: Oh my god, oh my god. (The man falls to the ground. Piper kneels in front of him and the blue gas rises out of him and into Piper. She stands up.) Piper/Terra: Thanks for the lift. (She covers the man with an old sheet. She looks into some broken glass and non-possessed Piper's reflection shows up.) You'd better be as powerful as they say you are. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Piper/Terra walks in P3. She looks into a mirror.] Piper/Terra: Uh, help me out. What is our sister's name? Piper's reflection: If you get out of my body now, I might not have to vanquish your sorry ass. Piper/Terra: Not as weak as you seemed after all. That'll change. [Cut to Prue and Justin at the bar.] Prue: Wow. You only scored a four. That is just so sad. Justin: Well, excuse me, but you only scored a five out of ten on my list. Prue: Right, so I got an F but, dude, you got an F-minus. Justin: Ouch. That's a bad high school flashback. (Prue sees Piper gulping down shots of alcohol. Prue runs over to her.) Prue: Uh-oh. Hi! Okay, hi. Don't really think that that's the best way to deal with your reunion jitters, okay. Piper/Terra: What? Oh, okay. (Missy comes up to them.) Missy: Piper, can you move your hors d'oeuvres to the other table? Heather wants to use that one for the Then and Now photos. Piper/Terra: Uh, sure, whatever you say. (Missy walks away.) Prue: No. You stand up to her. You can do it. Piper/Terra: I can? Prue: You can do it. Piper/Terra: Okay. (to Missy) Hey! Bitch! Move the trays yourself. Prue: Alright, um, that was great, although the bitch part might have been a little much, but... (Piper grabs Prue's arm.) Piper: Prue, help me! Prue: Alright, what's wrong? Piper/Terra: Uh, nothing. I just don't feel very well, um, I should go home. Prue: Oh, no, you don't. I'm not letting you skip your reunion, alright? You did great just now. Piper/Terra: I just need to rest. I'll be back. Prue: Now, you get back here by 6:00 otherwise I'm gonna come and get you and it won't be pretty. Got it? Piper/Terra: Mmm hmm. Prue: Uh-huh. Piper/Terra: Okay. [Cut to outside P3. Kierkan is there. He finds the man and removes the sheet. A bright light comes out of Kierkan's hand and shines into the man. He chants. The man comes back to life.] Man: What... what the hell? Kierkan: The spirit who possessed you, with whom did she replace you? Man: What? (The man sees the knife sticking out of his chest.) Oh, god, she stabbed me. (Kierkan pins the man to the wall.) Kierkan: Focus! Man: She's a woman. Uh, brown hair. We followed her from Prescott Street. The pink house on Prescott Street. (Kierkan lets the man go.) Kierkan: What was her plan? Man: She was saying something about wanting to kill some guy. Uh, something about revenge. Kierkan: Predictable. After all, it's exactly what I would do. Man: How, how am I still alive? Kierkan: Oh, no. Not still, again. My specialty, along with this. (He kills the man again and covers him up.) [Scene: Historical Society. Phoebe's there standing in front of a desk where a woman sits looking at an old newspaper.] Woman: Benjamin Coleridge Turner died in 1888, although there's no date of death for his wife. That's odd. There should be some record of that. Phoebe: Um, they had a baby though, didn't they? I think. Woman: Yes. A son. Cole Turner. Born in 1885. Never got to know his father, unfortunately. Phoebe: Cole Turner. It can't be. Woman: That's strange. There's no date of death for him either. Must be another clerical error. I can't imagine he's alive and kicking at 115. Phoebe: No. Can't imagine that. [Scene: Manor. Piper/Terra walks inside. She looks into a mirror.] Piper/Terra: Don't you get it? He's going to find us. Piper's reflection: Okay, I'll say it again slowly. Try to follow this time. I'm not going to tell you what my powers are. (Piper/Terra walks into the living room and looks out the window.) Piper/Terra: I can't figure out if you're stubborn or stupid. If I can't fight him, he's going to kill us. He's looking for me. I can feel him. He's getting close. (She looks in another mirror.) Piper's reflection: Well, get out of my body and I'll help you fight him. Piper/Terra: I can't survive without a body, and I'd much rather your soul die than mine. (She walks into the conservatory.) Piper's reflection: My sisters will figure out what you've done and... Piper/Terra: And what? What do you plan to do? Wave to them from the mirror? You're nothing but my reflection to them. Piper's reflection: I controlled my arm at P3. I used my voice. I'll get stronger and when I do... Piper/Terra: Wrong. You'll get weaker, and in a few hours you'll die. And there's really nothing you can do about it. Piper's reflection: Well, then you better watch your back. Because if I die, my sisters will make you wish you died with me. Piper/Terra: Hmm. Care about you a lot, these sisters of yours. (She walks into the kitchen.) Think they'd come running to help you fight off an angry demon? (She picks up the phone and dials a number.) (into phone) Hello. I'd like the number of P3, please, Piper: Ugh. What do you think you're doing? Piper/Terra: Well, you may have a death wish, but I don't. And if you won't help me, I know someone who will. [Cut to P3. Prue's behind the bar. Missy comes up to the bar.] Missy: Are you almost finished with that? Because I need you to help the DJ set up. (Prue pretends to scratch her nose but really uses her power to make dozens of balloons fall down from the roof.) Prue: Oh. Missy: That's the third time that's happened. Prue: That's too bad. Missy: Oh, man! (She starts to pick up the balloons.) Okay, guys, just don't panic, there's plenty of time. (Prue smiles and looks pleased with herself. Justin comes up to the bar.) Justin: Man, I think Missy's gonna have an embolism. Prue: Yeah, uh, can you hand me those glasses? (He does so.) Justin: It's weird though, right? I mean, those balloons. She used like three pounds of tape. Prue: Scotch tape. Hardly sturdy. Justin: Yeah, I still think you might have a poltergeist. Prue: A what? Justin: You know, a ghost that plays tricks. Prue: Yeah, I know what a poltergeist is but do you really believe in that stuff? Justin: Yeah, absolutely. Makes life interesting.. Prue: Huh. Justin: What? Prue: Nothing. It's just that, um, believing in the supernatural should definitely be on my list. (The phone rings. Prue answers it.) P3. Piper/Terra: Prue? It's me. Prue: Piper, what's wrong? Piper/Terra: I-I-I got home and there was a demon in the house. Prue: Are you okay? Did you freeze him? [Cut to Piper/Terra in the manor.] Piper/Terra: (to herself) Freeze him? That's good. (in the phone) No, he-he got away and he had this wild hair and these intense bulging eyes and he said he was gonna come back. Prue: Uh, alright, look in the Book Of Shadows for a vanquish and I'll pick up Phoebe and we'll meet you at the house, okay? Piper/Terra: Okay, but hurry, because he could come back any minute. Prue: Alright, bye. (She hangs up.) Piper/Terra: Where's the book? Piper: You just made a big mistake calling my sisters home. Piper/Terra: Is that what you think? Piper's reflection: That is what I know. Piper/Terra: Well, here's what I think. When your precious sisters come home, I'll kill you and possess one of them. And if that one won't help me, I'll simply repeat the process. So, what do you say, Piper? One dead demon or three dead witches? Piper's reflection: The Book of Shadows is in the attic. Piper/Terra: Good choice. (She heads for the attic.) [Scene: Historical Society. Phoebe's there reading an old newspaper. Her cell phone rings and she answers it.] Phoebe: Hello? Prue: Hey, alright, don't panic, but Piper found a demon in the house, and I'm on my way... Phoebe: Was it... uh, wait, wh-who was it? What demon? Prue: Well, he had wild hair and bulging eyes, and said that he would be back. Anyway, I'm on my way to the library to pick you up, alright? So just meet me out front. Phoebe? Phoebe: Uh, actually, Prue, I'm not at the library. Prue: Well, where are you? Phoebe: Downtown at the Historical Society. I needed to do some research for a project. Prue: Alright, it's fine. I'll come and pick you up. Just meet me out front. Bye. [Scene: Outside the manor. Kierkan is there.] [Cut inside. Piper/Terra comes down the stairs.] Piper/Terra: We can't wait for your sisters. Can't I just do the spell myself? (She looks in the mirror.) Piper's reflection: No, it's a power of three spell. You can't do it by yourself. Piper/Terra: What kind of witch can't kill a demon without her sisters? Piper's reflection: What the hell kind of demon has a panic attack when her boyfriend comes to visit? (Kierkan barges through the door.) Piper's reflection: Hi. This is where you freeze him. (Kierkan hits her and she falls to the floor.) Kierkan: Interesting move, Terra. The dagger in the heart. Crude, but I can't say I wouldn't have done the same. Of course, now I will. (He gets out a dagger.) Piper/Terra: Kierkan, there's something I need to tell you. You just pissed off one of the Charmed Ones. (Piper/Terra freezes him. Prue and Phoebe walk in.) Prue: Piper! Piper/Terra: Prue, I have the spell. (Piper/Terra gets up and walks over to them. She hands them a piece of paper.) Prue, Piper/Terra, Phoebe: Let flesh be flesh and bone be bone, the alchemist shall transform none, cruel scientist of evil born, with these words face the fire's scorn. (Kierkan unfreezes. He drops Terra's bottle.) Kierkan: No! I could have helped you! Now she'll destroy you! (He burns and disappears.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk in.] Prue: Alright, what did you say his name was again? Piper/Terra: Kierkan, but he's dead. So what are we doing up here? Prue: Well, because we have to at least acknowledge the fact that there is some kind of she-demon after us, Piper. Piper/Terra: Why? Phoebe: I could've helped you. Now she'll destroy you? It's not exactly cryptic. Piper/Terra: Said by a demon. Demons lie. So I say we get rid of the ugly little bottle and get on with our lives. Phoebe: Piper, this bottle is our only clue. Maybe he was lying, but maybe he wasn't. You know, sometimes demons actually tell the truth. Piper/Terra: Well, I have a party to get ready for. Prue: Changing your clothes again? Piper/Terra: Definitely. (Piper/Terra opens the door but Piper breaks through and shuts it.) Piper: (weakly) Prue, I'm dying. Prue: What? Piper/Terra: Um, I'm dying to get out of these clothes. Are you sure you don't mind if I leave? Prue: No, go ahead. We'll let you know if we find anything. (Piper/Terra leaves the room.) Phoebe: What's with her? Prue: That's funny. I was kind of wondering the same thing about you. Phoebe, why did you lie to us? Why did you say you were gonna be at the library all night? Phoebe: Oh, um, okay. I wanted to check out Cole's ancestry and I knew that you wouldn't like it. Prue: You have to know that you can talk to me and I'm not gonna judge you. I mean, if you still have feelings for Belthazor... Phoebe: No, I don't still have feelings for Belthazor, I still have feelings for Cole. I mean, he was half human. Prue: He tried to kill us for two months, Phoebe, alright? Half human or not, that still makes him a bad guy. Phoebe: But he didn't kill us because of his good side, Prue, which was very good. I mean, his dad was this statesman, who did all these amazing things. Look. (Phoebe gets some pieces of paper out of her bag.) Prue: His good side and evil side, they're both dead, and I don't think separating them in your mind is going to help you let him go. Phoebe: I just really need to believe in his good side right now, Prue. Prue: Alright, let's just focus on the demon that's after us now, okay? Phoebe: Okay. [Cut to Piper's room. Piper/Terra is looking in the mirror. She is wearing a red leather top and black leather pants.] Piper's reflection: Okay, we vanquished your boyfriend, now why don't you give me back my body and save yourself while you can? Piper/Terra: The only way I know how to get out of a body is a knife to the heart. You don't really want that, do you? Piper: So tell my sisters and they will come up with a spell to get you out of me, safely. And then in exchange, we'll let you go free. Piper/Terra: And give up the power to freeze? A chance to be one of the infamous Charmed Ones? No, thanks. I'll think I'll stay. But don't worry. It'll be over soon. (Leo starts to orb in.) It's easier if you don't fight it. Piper: Well, if my sisters don't figure you out and destroy you, my boyfriend Tom will. (Leo orbs in, dressed in a suit.) Leo: Wow. Piper/Terra: Uh, Tom, you scared me. I didn't hear the door. Leo: I didn't use the door. Did you just call me Tom? Piper/Terra: Did I? Forgive me. (She kisses him passionately. He stops her.) What's wrong? Leo: Nothing. It's just your kisses seem different. Piper/Terra: Oh, don't be ridiculous. That's just because I never wanted you so much. (She kisses him again and he stops her.) Leo: Piper, what's my name? Piper/Terra: (to Piper) You just couldn't leave well enough alone could you? (She zaps Leo and he hits the wall.) That's okay. He's too cute to kill and anyway, by the time he wakes up, you'll be gone. Besides, I have a party to attend and lots to celebrate. [Cut back to the attic. Prue and Phoebe are flipping through the Book of Shadows.] Prue: Apparently alchemists can transform anything. You know, like water into gold, energy into matter. They even have the ability to bring the dead back to life. But it doesn't say really anything about... (Phoebe looks out the window and sees Piper/Terra leave the house.) Phoebe: Hmm, that's weird. Prue: What? Phoebe: Piper just left without Leo and she didn't say goodbye to us or come up and show us what she's wearing or anything. Prue: Here's the bottle under alchemist's tools. Phoebe: What's it say? Prue: Essence bearer. An alchemist would use a bottle such as this to capture or store a life essence. Phoebe: A life essence? Prue: A life essence is comparable to a human soul, but made in a mixing lab. A well-made life essence can possess an living being, but would prove toxic and eventually lethal to the being's pre-existing soul. Oh, my God. Phoebe: What? Prue: She's been acting really... and she left without saying and... and the bottle. She wanted to destroy it. Phoebe: Okay, I'm trying to jump on your thought train here, Prue, but you're moving a little too fast for me. Prue: He was looking at her when he said she would destroy us. She's possessed. Piper is possessed. Phoebe: What? Prue: Alright, uh, we have to write a spell. A dispossessing spell. Come on, let's go. Phoebe: Okay. [Scene: P3. Piper is dancing on top of the bar. All the guys are whistling and cheering. She pours a shot of alcohol in a guy's mouth. Prue and Phoebe walk in.] Phoebe: Okay, I'm not saying that you're wrong. I'm just saying that I hope you're wrong, you know? (They see Piper.) Ooh! Prue: Ooh. Phoebe: Hope... dashed. Prue: Uh, alright, come on, we need to get her alone. (A woman comes up to them.) Woman: You're Piper's sisters, right? Prue: Yeah. Good memory. Woman: Okay, um, listen, I think I know what Piper's going through. I have been sober for about five years now myself. And if Piper ever wants to go to a meeting, would you tell her to call me. Okay? (She hands Prue a card.) Prue: Okay. Phoebe: Great. (The woman walks away. Prue and Phoebe see Piper dancing with a guy.) It's a good thing Leo is not here. (Missy walks up to the guy.) Missy: Dennis, what is the matter with you? Dennis: Oh, wow, honey, I'm sorry. (Piper/Terra freezes Missy.) Piper/Terra: Hah! (Prue and Phoebe come over to them and bump into Missy, unfreezing her. Missy spills her drink over herself.) Phoebe: Oh! Oh! I am so sorry. (Missy storms off.) Prue: (to Dennis) Hi. Your wife went that way. Bye! (to Piper) We need to show you something. (They take Piper/Terra outside into the alley and start the dispossessing spell.) Prue, Phoebe: Host soul, reject the poison's essence. Let love's light end this cruel possession. (Nothing happens.) Piper/Terra: Clever girls. Piper said you would figure it out, although Piper won't be saying anything in about half an hour. Phoebe: She's too strong, we need the power of three. Prue: You have ten seconds to leave on your own. Piper/Terra: Or what? What are you going to do, hit me with another rhyming couplet? I'm made from Kierkan's blood, which means I have his powers. Add that to Piper's powers, and I'm stronger than your average essence. Phoebe: Okay, we need help. Leo! Leo! Piper/Terra: Oh, is that the boyfriend? I had to give him a little jolt. He'll be unconscious for awhile. Phoebe: You may be able to knock out a Whitelighter, but don't even think you can take on the Charmed Ones. Piper/Terra: Um, the bottle won't work on me unless I'm not in a body, and to get me out, you'd have to kill your own sister. Call me a gambler, but I seriously doubt that you're willing to do that. (Prue uses her power and Piper/Terra flies against the wall.) Prue: Get the hell out of my sister! Piper/Terra: Alright. (She pulls the dagger out of the man she killed before.) If you insist. (She goes to stab herself.) Prue: No, don't! Piper/Terra: That's what I thought. (She walks back inside P3.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Prue and Phoebe walk back inside. Piper/Terra is dancing.] Phoebe: Okay, are you going to fill me in on the plan? Prue: I'll explain on the way. Phoebe: On the way where? Prue: Home. Alright, there she is. We need Leo. (They walk over to Piper/Terra.) Hi! You're coming with us, okay? [Prue grabs Piper/Terra's wrist but she pulls away.) Piper/Terra: Like hell I am. Phoebe: Piper, listen to me... (Piper/Terra pushes Phoebe. Prue and Piper slapping each other.) Guy: Whoa! Cat fight. Dude! (Prue hits Piper's neck and she falls down, knocking her out.) Phoebe: Nice! Missy: (to a friend) I knew they weren't that close. (Justin walks over.) Prue: Hey, hi, she's probably possessed. A little help to the car? Justin: Yeah. Phoebe: You okay? (They help Piper/Terra up and Justin throws her over his shoulder.) Alright, okay, show's over people! Just talk amongst yourselves. [Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue and Phoebe lay an unconscious Piper/Terra on the couch.] Prue: Alright, if we get back the power of three, we stand a chance. Phoebe: I still don't understand how this is gonna work. Prue: She has the alchemist's powers, which means she has the ability to bring the dead back to life. Phoebe: Yeah, but she's not dead, Prue. Is there something you're not telling me? Prue: Phoebe, I just need you to trust me, okay? So go find Leo, wake him up, and get him down here fast. (Phoebe leaves the room. Prue picks up a dagger and puts the bottle on the coffee table. She places the dagger on top of the fireplace facing Piper. She kneels down beside Piper.) Prue: Piper. I know that you're in there somewhere, alright, so just try and listen. Just remember that no matter what happens, I'm gonna bring you back. I'm so sorry, honey. I know that you tried to tell me in the attic and I... but I'm going to fix it, okay? I promise I'll bring you back. (She stands up.) Please forgive me for what I'm about to do. (Prue uses her power and the dagger flies into Piper's chest. She screams out in pain. Leo and Phoebe run in.) Leo: No! Phoebe: Prue! (Leo runs over to Piper. Prue pushes Phoebe down behind the couch.) Leo: Prue, I can't heal the dead! (Leo pulls out the dagger and the blue gas comes out of Piper and into Leo.) Prue: Now you can. Leo/Terra: That I didn't expect. Little sibling rivalry I failed to take into account? Phoebe: Shut up. Prue: Bring Piper back to life and I'll let you keep Leo's body. Refuse and I'll put that knife through his heart and suck you back into the bottle forever. Leo/Terra: But then your sister and her boyfriend would be dead. Not the world's smartest plan. Prue: She's already dead. I have nothing left to lose. Leo/Terra: Give me the bottle and I'll bring her back. Phoebe: Bring our sister back and we'll give you the bottle. (Prue and Phoebe walk out from behind the couch. Prue holds up the bottle. Leo/Terra starts chanting. A bright light comes out of his hand and goes into Piper. Piper comes back to life. Prue gives Leo/Terra the bottle and they run over to Piper. He smashes the bottle.) Prue, Piper, Phoebe: Host soul, reject the poison's essence. (He tries to zap them but Prue reflects it with her power.) Let love of light end this cruel possession. Leo/Terra: No! (Terra floats out of Leo and explodes into a million pieces.) Prue: Leo, she's still bleeding! (Leo heals Piper and they hug.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Leo walk down the stairs.] Prue: Oh, I'm so sorry that you missed your reunion. Phoebe: Put on a good show, though. Table dancing, cat fight. Piper: Mmm. (They walk up to the bar. Prue walks behind the bar.) Leo: Table dancing? Piper: Never mind. It's alright, I don't care what these people think, anyway. Prue: Really? That's new. Piper: Yeah, well, my priorities were a little skewed. (Prue puts a beer on the bar.) (to Leo) And thank you, for know the difference between my kisses and hers. (Piper and Leo kiss.) And you, for being brave enough to... Prue: Oh, what, kill you? Piper: Yeah. Couldn't come up with a better plan, huh? Prue: Um, no. Phoebe: Okay, I guess I'm gonna call Morris to tell him about... (whispers) the dead body in the alley. (Phoebe walks away and Leo follows. Justin walks up to the bar.) Justin: So you said you were gonna explain about the bar brawl. Prue: Uh-huh. And you waited all this time just for an explanation? (Justin smiles.) Why, Mr. Harper, I do believe that you're blushing. Justin: Well, it's nothing you haven't seen before. Prue: Oh. Justin: So am I gonna get that explanation? Prue: Absolutely. Justin: When? Prue: Um, when you call me. (He walks away.) Piper: I thought younger guys were not on your list. Prue: What list? (They clink their beer bottles together.) [Cut to Phoebe at the pay phones.] Leo: You okay? Phoebe: I don't know. Leo: Phoebe, you've gotta give it some time. Cole... Phoebe: Seduced me. And I let him. On the other hand, Piper was completely taken over by evil and she fought it every step of the way. Leo: Seduction is subtler than possession. It's harder to fight. Look, you didn't know Cole was evil. Nobody did. When you found out, you vanquished him. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Phoebe: He's still alive... For me. He's still alive for me.
doc_150	Scene of Adam the demon Frankenstein cyborg exiting tunnels. Engleman: "The project, it escaped." Narrator/Giles: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Scene of Buffy talking. Buffy: "The Initiative created this thing and they can't stop it. But we will." Scene of Faith opening eyes in hospital bed. Buffy: "It's Faith, she's awake." Buffy and Faith on the campus. Joyce: You all right. Faith: Five by five. Mayor: Open the box. Scene of Faith opening box. Mayor: Surprise. Scene of Buffy and Faith's hands are clasped and glowing. Joyce: You sure you're ok. Buffy: Five by five. Scene of Buffy looking at unconscious Faith. Note: For simplicity, Buffy's body is called Buffy, even when occupied by Faith. Faith's body is called Faith, even when occupied by Buffy. PROLOGUE The front of Joyce Summers home. An ambulance is on the lawn A police car with lights flashing is parked on the street. A plainclothes police officer with his badge visible on his breast. Plainclothes officer: "It's good you called. We've been looking for this girl since she broke out of the hospital." Joyce: What's gonna happen to her? Plainclothes officer: Well, get her checked out. She's in stable condition, she goes to jail, pending trial. Joyce: I just hope she gets some kind of help. [Rattling.] Plainclothes officer: The first thing is to keep her from hurting anybody else. Faith is wheeled on a gurney to ambulance. She looks up at Buffy and Joyce but her vision is blurry. Faith: No. Personnel lifting her into ambulance: __ One two __ Plainclothes officer: Well, you guys will be safe now. We may have a couple of questions in the morning. The emergency personnel close the rear doors on the ambulance. Joyce: Oh, uh, of course. Plainclothes officer: Thank you. Both. I'm glad we finally got the kid. Buffy: She's not a kid! I just mean that she's very strong. Plainclothes officer: Yeah. This Faith chick-- definitely dangerous. Ambulance leaves. The officer walks away. Joyce goes toward the front door. Buffy: She truly is. Roll credits ACT 1 Joyce's living room, Buffy is holding her hands and cracks her knuckles. Joyce closes the door. Joyce: Faith. Buffy spins around. Joyce: Why do you think she's like that? Buffy [shrugs]: You know. She's a nut job. Heh. Joyce: I just don't understand what could drive a person to that kind of behavior. Buffy: Well, how do you know she got drove? I mean, maybe she likes being that way. Joyce: I'll never believe that. I think she's horribly unhappy. Buffy: Well, could be things are looking up. I mean, a little stint in the pokey, show her the error of her ways. I'm sure there's some big old Bertha just waiting to shower her ripe little self with affection. Joyce: Buffy! Buffy: I'm sorry, mom. [Sighs] It's just ufff when I think about how she might have hurt you, I just, uff I can't stand it. Joyce hugs Buffy. Buffy is uncomfortable and shrugs lose. Joyce: Sorry. Buffy: No, I'm just, uff, sore from the fight. Joyce: I've missed you. Buffy: Cause I haven't visited, right? I knew it. Joyce: I know how it is. You have so much in your life now. Buffy: I'm a busy little beaver. College and all. Joyce: Of course. But um, maybe we could spend some time together soon? Some... night when I'm not being held hostage by a raving psychotic. Buffy: Count on it. [Pause] I'm gonna take a bath. Cut to Buffy in a bubble bath. She sighs. She looks at her arms and fingers. She stretches her leg and caresses it. She blows some bubbles cupped in her hands. Cut to Buffy looking in mirror. She turns her head to the side, then wrinkles her nose to look at it. She pulls her eyebrows back to look at her eyes. She sticks out her tongue to look at it. She pulls her upper lip back to look at her teeth. Buffy: Why, yes, I would be Buffy. May I help you? Buffy [sounding]: Buffy. [She sticks out her tongue again. She adjusts her hair.] [She shakes her finger.] Buffy: You can't do that. it's wrong. [She shakes her head slightly.] Buffy: You can't do that because it's naughty. Buffy: [louder] Because it's wrong. [She tilts head.] Buffy: [softly] Because it's wrong. [She points very aggressively.] Buffy: You can't do that. It's wrong. I'll kick your ass. I'm gonna kill you. [mental laughing] Cut to hospital room. [A hospital worker falls back into furniture.] Faith: Let me go! Let me go! [Faith is struggling in a hospital bed. There are three other hospital personnel, a uniformed officer and a plainclothes officer holding her down.] Doctor: Get me a sedative now! Officer: Hold her! Faith: I have to go home! She's with my mother. [Doctor puts needle to Faith's arm.] Faith: No! Doctor: Just lie still. Faith: You don't understand. Officer: Keep holding her. Faith: She's taken my...my body. [Faith loses consciousness.] Cut to Tara's room. [Willow lying down on a bed. Tara is sitting crosslegged near her feet.] Willow: I wonder where she is. Tara: Who? Faith? Willow: Yeah. I wish she would make a move. she's making my stomach all acidy. Tara: But you think Buffy can handle her. [Willow sits up.] Willow: I think so. but that doesn't mean Faith won't hurt someone else. Tara: Well, you should be safe. nobody knows you're here. I mean, uf, they don't even know I exist, right? I know all about them, but... [Willow puts her hand on Tara's knee for a second.] Willow [softly]: Hey. Tara : I-I mean, t-that's totally cool. It-it's good. It-it's better. Willow: Tara, it's not like I don't want my friends to know you. It's just... well, Buffy's like my best friend, and she's really special. And there's this whole bunch of us, and we sort of have this group thing that revolves around the slaying, and-and I, I really want you to meet them. But I kind of like having something that's just, you know, mine. And I, I usually don't se so many words to say stuff that little, but do you get that at all? Tara: I do. Willow: [sighs] I should check in with Giles, get a situation update. [She gets up and walks behind Tara.] Tara: I am, you know. Willow: What? [Tara turns and looks up at Willow.] Tara: Yours. [Willow smiles.] Cut to Joyce's bedroom. Buffy is adjusting a black camisole/baby tee in the mirror. Buffy: Not too bad. [Buffy opens a drawer and finds a wallet.] Buffy: Score. [Buffy is sitting on the bed, holding a credit card. and is on the phone.] Buffy: 6-4-4-7. [Pause] Uh, expiration, 5-0-1. [Pause. Buffy puts the card back in ther purse.] Unh huh. [Pause] Yeah. [Pause. Buffy takes cash out of the purse.] 10 a.m.'s your earliest flight? I'll take it. [Joyce enters.] Joyce: What are you doing? Buffy: Oh, just getting my mail. [Buffy holds up the letters.] Joyce: Oh. Um, that was, um, Giles on the other line. He wanted you to meet your friends there. Said he had news. Buffy: Yeah. I got some time to kill. [Buffy gets up.] I'll go see the gang. All my friends. [Buffy picks up a lipstick.] You don't mind if I steal this, right? Joyce: Is that the Harlot? Buffy: Yeah. Joyce: That's the same one Faith picked. Buffy: Burn it. [Buffy tosses it to Joyce who catches it.] Cut to Faith in the back of a police car with a uniformed officer driving and a plainclothes office riding shotgun. [Faith moans almost inaudibly.] Policeman: She's coming to. Uniformed Policeman: Yeah. Policeman: Man, I want this kid's constitution. Faith: Faith. Policeman: Let's move it. I want to get her in before she's 100%. [The uniformed policeman nods.] [A red armored car/truck cuts off the police car which crashes into it. Two men in black clothing jump out of the back. One uses a gun to cover the two police officers, who seem to be stunned. Another uses an ax to smash the back window. The one with the gun breaks remnants on the sides with the gun. The ax one drags Faith out the window.] Weatherby: By order of the Watcher's Council, you are being taken into custody until such time-- [They both drag her to the back of the armored truck.] Collins: Skip the speech. [They pull her in the truck.] Collins: Let's go. [The doors close.] ACT 2 [Buffy enters Giles' home.] Giles: Buffy. good. Buffy: The scooby gang's all here. Willow, Xander, and... [looks at Anya] everybody. What's up? Giles: It's about Faith, not surprisingly. Buffy: Didn't Joyce tell you? I already kicked that ass. Xander: I feel a high five coming on. Willow: Where is she? Buffy: On her way to the big house. Cops took her off my hands about an hour ago. Poetic justice. Anya: How's that? Buffy: Well, she did all those crimes, and now she's being arrested. [Silence.] I guess that's just regular justice. [Willow smiles.] It's cool, anyway. Giles: Unless I'm mistaken, Faith is no longer in police custody. Buffy [stands]: What are you talking about? Giles: Watcher's Council. They uh sent a retrieval team to capture Faith. Buffy: Well, yeah, I mean, 'cause it worked so well when Wesley tried it. Giles: This is a special operations unit. They, uh, handle the council's trickier jobs - smuggling, interrogation, wetworks. Willow: What's wetworks? Xander: Scuba-type stuff. Anya: I thought it was murder. Xander: Well, yeah, but there could be underwater murder, with snorkels. Buffy: So they're taking her to England? Giles: It'll be a long, long time before she returns. Buffy: Heh heh heh. ahhh Hah hah. Hah hah. ohhh I'm sorry. It's just...I'm happy. Faith is evil. Willow: Yeah. I hope they throw the book at her. Giles: I'm not sure there is a, a book for this. Willow: They could throw other things. Buffy: I forgot how much you don't like Faith. Willow: After what she's done to you? Oh, I wish those council guys would let me have an hour alone in the room with her, if I was larger and had grenades. Buffy: I bet I know what Faith would say to that. Buffy springs forward with a knife and sticks it in Willow's stomach in the same place Faith was stabbed. She pulls the knife out and stabs Willow again. Buffy lifts her head from her revery. She did not spring forward. Anya: So what you're saying is that everything's fine? Giles: Oh, um, yes. Anya: Well, I'm glad you called us all here because that information could never be conveyed by telephone. Willow [to Buffy]: What's up? Giles: Well, I just thought it was, uh, best to convene, in case there were any loose ends Buffy [to Willow]: I'd never let her hurt you. Giles: or things that we might have forgotten. Willow [to Buffy]: I know. Giles: But if you're, uh, keen to go, then, please, by all means, go. Xander: We kind of have a romantic evening planned. Anya: We were gonna light a bunch of candles and have sx near them. Buffy: Well, we certainly don't want to cut into that seven minutes. Anya: Hey. Xander: I believe that's my hey. Hey! Buffy: Lighten up. We're out of danger. Everything's good. Giles: We still have Adam to take care of. Buffy: Yeah. Adam. What's up with him? Giles: I wish we knew. Buffy: Well, don't worry about it. I'll patrol tonight, as long as it takes. You guys have your fun, I'll be out there doing my job. Cut to Buffy dancing in the Bronze to rock band. Buffy: Whoop. Spike: Oh, you. Buffy: And you. Spike: What, are you keeping tabs on me? You're gonna give me a hard time now? Buffy: Um, do I usually give you a hard time? Spike: Very funny. Well, you don't have to worry about me drinking. Unless you're here to protect innocent beers. [He holds up a bottle.] [Spike walks away a little and Buffy follows.] Buffy: You're a vampire. Spike: Was. And as soon as I get this chip out of my head, I'll be a vampire again. But until then, I'm just as helpless as a kitten up a tree. So why don't you sod off? Buffy: Ok. Spike [angry]: Oh, fine! Throw it in my face! Spike's not a threat anymore. I'll turn my back. He can't hurt me. Buffy: Spike? [Gets it.] Spike. William the Bloody with a chip in his head. I kind of love this town. Spike: You know why I really hate you, Summers? Buffy: 'Cause I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun? Spike: Well, yeah, that covers a lot of it. Buffy: Cause I could do anything I want, and instead, I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of slayerness? I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous, I could have anything. Anyone. [Buffy moves closer and puts her hands on Spike's chest.] Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne, and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? [She moves closer and looks up at him pursing her lips.] Because it's wrong. Humh humh. [She moves off.] Spike: I get this chip out, you and me are gonna have a confrontation. Buffy: Count on it. [Spike throws his bottle into the wall and walks off. He shoves someone and clutches his head.] Cut to the sewers. Four vampires are walking in vamp face. Vampire: It was too crowded. We gotta hold out for a few hours, pick up a straggler, some drunk. Can't be calling attention to [He sees Adam and stops.] ourselves. Adam: I've been thinking. About vampires. Vampire: This is my place. Adam: You're place. Yes. The sewers. You hide from them, Crawl about in their filth. Scavenging like rats. What do you fear? Vampire: Kill this guy already. [One vampire charges Adam and Adam grabs it by the throat and holds it.] Adam: You fear the cross. The sun. Fire. And, oh, yes... [Adams puts his other hand on the vampire's shoulder and he lifts the vampire's head from its shoulders. The body falls and he drops the head on it and they turn to dust.] Adam: I believe decapitation is a problem as well. Vampire: You can have the place. I mean, we don't have to stay here anymore. Adam: You fear death. Being immortal, you fear it more than those to whom it comes naturally. Vampires are a paradox. Vampire: Ok, we're a paradox. That's cool. Adam: Demon in a human body. You walk in both worlds and belong to neither. I can relate. Come. We have a lot to talk about. Cut to workshed interior? In the back of the armored truck, Faith wakes up and finds she is chained. Weatherby: Well, it's awake. Faith: Who are you? Weatherby: Council. We're taking you back to the mother country. Seems you've been a naughty girl. Faith: Listen to me. Y-You've made a mistake. I am not Faith. I'm Buffy Summers. Faith performed some kind of spell, she switched our bodies. [Standing outside the truck.] Collins: Congratulations. No one's ever actually tried that one on me before. Faith: You have to find Faith. C-call Giles. J-just get him here. Collins: Giles doesn't work for the council anymore. For that matter, neither does Buffy Summers. And what you are, miss, is a package. I deliver the package. I don't much care what's inside. [To Weatherby.] Come on. Weatherby: He may not care, but I do. The Watcher's Council used to mean something. You perverted it. You trash. We should have killed you while you were asleep. [He spits in Faith's face. He gets out of the truck and closes the doors.] Cut to the Bronze. Willow: I can't believe you've never been here. The Bronze is the coolest place in Sunnydale. Of-of course, there's not a lot of competition. I think the vending machine at Bergen's came in second. Tara: Y-you used to come here a lot? Others: Chug chug chug Willow: I lived here. Me, Xander... Buffy & others: Chug, chug, chug. Willow: Buffy. Buffy & others: Chug, chug, chug. Buffy: oooh ooooh Others: Chug, chug, chug! Others: Woo hoo hoo. Willow: Wow. I-I didn't think she'd be here. Come on, [holds Tara's hand] I want you to meet her. Buffy: Back off. [Pushes someone away.] You're nothing but a disappointment. [Tara crosses her arms.] Willow: Hey, Buffy. Buffy: Willow and - uh Willow: Buffy, this is Tara. Tara: Hi. Buffy: So we've never met. [Tara shakes her head.] Cool. Just have a thing with names. Willow: Tara was in my wicca group. Buffy: Unh-huh. [Buffy walks away and they follow.] Willow: So, what's up? [Buffy plops herself on a couch.] Patrol a no go? [Buffy throws her legs up in the air and on a table.] Buffy: Got tired. You know, the whole Faith thing. I let off some steam. Willow: Good for you. You shouldn't work yourself too hard. Buffy: That's my philosophy. [Buffy throws her arms behind her head.] Willow: Anyone want a soda? Tara [looks at Willow]: Water. [Buffy shakes head. Willow walks off and Buffy notes Tara looking back at Willow. She sits up and leans forward.] Buffy: So you guys been hanging out a lot lately, hunh? Tara: Yeah. she's, um, she's really cool. [Buffy nods and blinks slowly.] Buffy [grins]: So Willow's not driving stick anymore. Who would have thought? I guess you never really know someone until you've been inside their sking. And Oz is out of the picture? Oh, never seen two people so much in love. She just couldn't get enough of old Oz. Tara: She, um, said he, uh, uh, w-w-w-w-w-went Buffy: He w-w-w-w-what? You gonna get that sentence out sometime tonight? [Tara lowers her head.] [Willow returns.] Willow: Buffy, guy in the corner. [Buffy looks at a guy leading a girl.] Buffy: Yeah. Good call. Tara: What? Willow: Vampire. Buffy: Wicked obvious. [She leans back and realizes Willow is waiting.] So I should slay him. [She gets up.] Willow: You want help? Buffy: Nah, I got it. [Buffy picks up a pool stick as she walks. She enters a back area where the vampire is feeding on the girl from behind, making slurping noises and holding the girl's arms. The girl is gasping. Buffy breaks the pool stick in two and drops one end. The girls arms flail. Buffy hits the vampire in the back using the stake as a club.] Buffy: Hey! [The vampire lets the girl fall and turns. Buffy blocks a right and a left. She kicks it in the leg and spins the vampire around and holds it. She stakes it and throws it to the side just before it dusts. Buffy exhales and looks down at the girl. She is squatting and she looks up at Buffy.] Buffy: You'll live. Girl: Uh he was so strong, uh Buffy: Yeah, well, he's gone now. [Buffy turns and the girl grabs her hand.] Girl: Thank you. Thank you.* [Expressions flash across Buffy's face.] Buffy: Yeah. [Shrugs.] It's cool. [Shrugs.] [Buffy walks off and drops the stake.] Willow: Everything poofed? Buffy: All's well in the world. Willow: Tara's not feeling well. I'm gonna walk her home. [Willow looks back at Tara.] Buffy: Yeah. You give her whatever she needs. [Buffy smiles for a second.] Willow: Are you gonna be in later, or you going over to Riley's? [Buffy blinks several times and then smiles.] Cut to workshed/barn. Banging sounds in a workshed or barn. Smith walks toward the armored truck with a syringe. Smith: This'll bloody keep you quiet. [Smith opens the back of the truck and goes in. Faith grabs him and gets him in a chokehold with the chains.] Smith: Uh. Faith: How about this? I'll be quiet, and you can scream. Smith: Aaahh. [Weatherby and Collins look in from the back of the truck.] Faith: Now you unchain me - very slowly And! politely, or I kill this guy Collins: When we go on a job, we always put our affairs in order first, in case of accident. Smith: Collins... Collins: Sorry, Smithy. [They walk off.] Collins: She's starting to bother me. Weatherby: Getting her across the border is gonna be a lot more trouble than it's worth. Collins: If the council can even get us passage. I'll call them. It's time for a contingency plan. [Smith flies out the back of the truck and falls, groaning.] Cut to Riley's room. [Riley is sitting at his desk and hears a sound and turns, smiling. Buffy is standing in the doorway.] Buffy: Hi, baby. ACT 3 Cut to Tara's room. Willow: I'm sorry you're feeling all blechy. But we'll get together with Buffy another time. Sometime soon. I think you'll really like her. [Tara sighs.] Tara: She's not your friend. Willow: I may have overestimated the "you liking her" factor. Tara: No, no. I mean, I don't... [sighs] I don't think she's...her. Willow: You lost me. Tara: Well, umph, a person's energy has a flow, a unity. [sigh] Buffy's was [sigh] was fragmented. It-it grated, like something forced in where it doesn't belong. Plus, she was, um, [sigh] she was kind of mean. [heh] Willow: So you think Buffy's not herself? Like she's been possessed or something? Tara: [sigh] I'm not sure. Willow: You didn't sense a hyena energy at all, did you? Because hyena possession is just...unpleasant. Tara: [umph] Do you have anything of hers? Willow: Of Buffy's? Uhhhh. Oh! This ring. Tara: I-I think there's a way we can, hmm... [reaches for book] The passage to the nether realm. There-there's a ritual. If you can find Buffy there, you should be able to see. Willow: If it'll help her. [Tara sighs.] Willow: What? Tara: Well, the nether realm exists beyond the physical world. Accessing it is... I-it-it's kind of like astral projection. It's very intense. I'd have to be your anchor, keep you on this plane. Willow [nods]: I trust you. Tara: It-it's not like anything that we've ever-- Willow [smiles]: I trust you. Cut to Riley's room. Buffy: You miss me? Riley: I did, actually. Everything's ok? Buffy: Everything's great. [walks forward] Riley: What about Faith? Buffy: Faith has a won a fabulous trip to England, and I [sits on Riley's lap, straddling him] got the consolation prize, which is you. Riley: So I don't have to worry about Faith showing up? Though I have to admit, I was kind of curious to meet her. Buffy holds Riley's hands and leans back, still straddling him. Riley: Or I was until about 30 seconds ago. [Buffy sits up.] Buffy: Oh, you wouldn't have liked Faith. She's not proper and joyless, like a girl should be. She has a tendency to give in to her animal instincts. [She kisses Riley and nips his lip.] Riley: Door's open. Buffy: So? Riley: So my fantasies don't tend to include a bunch of marines staring in at me. Buffy: Oh, maybe they could learn something. [She kisses his neck and Riley gets up, walking to close the door. He holds his left side with his right arm. ] Buffy: You're hurt. [He closes the door.] Riley: Ahh, um, not that bad, actually. I guess the, uh, drugs the professor gave me really did make me stronger. I'm healing pretty quick. Buffy: Maybe we should take you for a test drive. Riley: I wouldn't say no. [He walks forward.] Buffy: So...how do you want me? [She crawls on the bed looking away from Riley and turns around.] Riley: How do I? Buffy: Yeah. what do you wanna do with this body? What nasty little desire have you been itching to try out? Am I a bad girl? Do you wanna hurt me? [She puts her arms on him.] Riley: What are we playing at here? [She takes her arms off.] Buffy: I'm Buffy. Riley: Ok. then I'll be Riley. Buffy: Well, if you don't wanna play-- [She starts to leave and Riley holds her.] Riley: Right. I don't wanna play. [Riley kisses her very gently and she responds.] Cut to Tara's room. [Willow closes the curtains] [Tara puts her thumb on Willow's forehead, lips and chest.] [Tara and Willow sit side by side facing opposite directions. They are crosslegged. They whisper while stroking their outer (right) arms as if to stir water]: "Sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea. Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea. Ayala flows {through} the river in me. The inward eye, The sightless sea. Ayala flows {through} the river in me. The inward eye, The sightless sea... [Light forms from their hands and creates a circle of clouds/light around them as both arcs meet in two places.] Ayala flows through the river in me." [They touch hands palm to palm, keeping their hands flat. They are breathing heavily and are both sweating and glistening. The circle of light rises to the level of their heads. Their breathing gets heavier. They look at each other. Willow slowly falls back, closing her eyes and breaking the hand contact. The circle of light goes higher and higher. Willow arches her back and moans "unnh ohh".] Cut to Riley's room. [Riley is on top of Buffy, looking down at her.] Riley: I love you. Buffy: Uggnnh Get off. No. No. No! [Pushing Riley away] Get-get off! No. Off me. Get off. No, no-o. G-get [Buffy stands] Riley: Buffy...What? What's wrong? Buffy: (gasping) Who are you? What do you want from h-her? Riley: Should I not have...? Buffy: This is meaningless. Riley: You're shaking. [He gets up and puts a blanket/sheet on her.] Buffy; Nnnh. Riley: What happened? Buffy: Nothing. Nothing. [She puts her head against Riley's chest and her face goes into shadow.] Cut to sewers. [Adam stops pacing.] Adam: I have a gift no man has. [That] No demon has ever had. I know why I'm here. I was created to kill. To extinguish life wherever I find it. And I have accepted that responsibility. You have lived in fear and desperation because you didn't have that gift. But it's time to face your fear. [A vampire sitting cross legged rises.] Vampire: Tell us what to do. Adam: You are here to be my first. To let them know that I am coming. Vampire: We're ready. Adam: Then ask yourself, what is it? More than man, more than anything else. What is the thing you fear? Cut to Riley's room [Buffy puts on a shirt and fluffs her hair. She sees the clock reads 8:25 and she looks back between the clock and Riley. She leaves.] Cut to Frat house. [Buffy comes down the stairs.] Forrest: Hope you left him alive. Buffy: What? Forrest: Boy's supposed to be on the mend. I don't see you letting him get much rest. Buffy: I think maybe you should stay out of other people's lives. Forrest: We've got a mission here. Back when Riley could still think for himself... Buffy: You've got a mission? I've been fighting demons since before you could shave. Forrest: Yeah, you're a killer. Buffy: I am not a killer! I am the slayer!. And you don't know the first thing about me. Forrest: You really care what I think? Buffy: No. I don't care. [Throws hands up.] God, I don't care. [She leaves and the door closes.] Cut to inside of barn/workshed. Collins: They can't get us passage. They've ordered the kill. [He screws a silencer onto a pistol.] Weatherby: Torch the place? Collins: Get the gas. [Weatherby walks off.] Smith: She could've killed me. She didn't. Collins: Lucky you. [Collins sticks the gun in the truck but Faith grabs the pistol and his hands with her feet and pulls him into the truck hard enough to stun him before he can react. Faith pulls the gun to her hands and shoots the locks/chains holding her.] Smith [running away]: Weatherby! [Faith shoots a lock and smashes into the driver's area.] Faith: Keys, keys. Weatherby: Stop her, you ponce. [Faith finds the keys. Weatherby rushes the truck and Faith opens the door into him, knocking him out.] Faith: Ok, I'm good at this. [She shifts gears.] Faith: Ooh, drive. [Smith has found a gun and shoots at the truck but Faith drives the armored truck out through the wooden wall/door, breaking it.} [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 4 Cut to Airport. [Woman behind counter hands ticket to Buffy.] Woman: Here, there you go. Buffy: Thank you. Woman: You're welcome. Cut to Giles' living room. [Giles is coming down his stairs carrying a plate and some cups.] Faith: Giles! Giles: God! Faith: Don't move. Ok, Giles, you have to listen to me very carefully. I'm not Faith. Giles: Really? Faith: Really. Giles: Cause the resemblance is striking. Faith: I know. Giles, you just have to... Stop inching. you were inching. Giles: Look, I-I know what you're going to say, and-and uh Faith: I'm Buffy. Giles: All right, I didn't know what you were going to say, but that doesn't make you any less crazy. Faith: Faith switched. I mean, she had some device. She switched our bodies. Giles, I swear [runs hand through hair] it's me. Giles: U-um, if-if you are Buffy, then, [sets plate & cups down] uh, then you'll let me tie you up w-without killing me - until we find out whether you're telling the truth. Faith: Giles, Faith has taken my body, and for all I know, she's taken it to Mexico by now. I-I don't have time for bondage fun. Ask me a question. Ask me anything. Giles: Who's president? Faith: We're checking for Buffy, not a concussion. Giles: Oh, yes, Alright. um... Faith: Umph, Giles, you turned into a demon, and I knew it was you. I mean can't you just look in my eyes and be all intuitive? Giles: How did I turn into a demon? Faith: Oh, cause, uh, Ethan Rayne. And-and you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school, which is valid lifestyle wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker type, but... Oh, oh! when I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sx. What? Do you want me to continue? Giles: Actually, I beg you to stop. Faith: What's a stevedore? Giles: Alright, let's-- um, I need you to explain everything. Faith: And I will, after we get Faith. [Willow and Tara enter.] Willow: Giles! Faith: Will. Willow: Oh, my god. Faith: Willow, wait. you don't understand. Willow: You're Buffy. You and Faith switched bodies, probably through a Draconian Katra spell. Giles [to himself]: She understands it better than I do. Faith: How did you? Willow: Tara. Tara, this is Buffy, only really this time. Tara: Hi. Willow: Tara's a really powerful witch. Tara: Not really. Willow: No, really. She knew right away that you weren't you. So we connected with the nether realms to find out what happened. And we conjured this. [Shows green glowing item in box.] Faith: What is-- Willow: It's a Katra. Or the home-conjured version. It-it should switch you back, if you can get a hold of Faith. Faith: Oh, thank God. [telephone rings] Giles: I'll get it. Giles: Hello. Faith: Do you know where Faith is? Giles: Oh yes, uh, Buffy's here with uh, me. Actually, she--she's uh Oh, all right. Giles: Xander. Apparently there's a report on the television. [Giles turns on the tv.] News announcer: ...and barricaded themselves in the church with at least 20 parishioners. One of the few who escaped described the three men as frighteningly disfigured, almost inhuman. So far, one escapee has since died of severe neck wounds. [Cut to airport.] [Buffy sees the report on another tv.] News announcer: There is no report on the condition of the parishioners still trapped inside, but their assailants have vowed to kill all of them [Buffy looks down, then back up at the screen] if police attempt to storm the church. Interior of church. Vampire: It's hard to believe. I've been avoiding this place for so many years, and it's nothing. It's nice! It's got the pretty windows, The pillars... lots of folks to eat. Where's the thing I was so afraid of? You know, the Lord? He was supposed to be here. He gave us this address. Well, we'll just have to start killing off His people, see if He shows up. Exterior of church. [Sirens. Two police cars and an ambulance are parked outside. There are four uniformed policemen and possibly one in plainclothes. One has just put down a radio.] Riley: What'd he say? Policeman: He said I should defer command to you. Riley: Then you hold your men until the reserves arrive. This is a military situation. Policeman: What, they got bombs in there? Riley: Your men are not prepared to deal with them. Just trust me. [Siren. Riley walks nearer the church. He sees...] Riley: Buffy. Buffy: How many are in there? Riley: We think there's three. Buffy: I can do three. [Riley tugs at her arm.] Riley: Not alone. Look wait for the troops to get here. They're still mobilizing. Buffy: How did you respond so fast? Riley: I didn't. I was just late for church. [Buffy shakes her head.] Buffy: Look, when the troops get here, send 'em in, but I'm going. Riley: I don't want you risking-- [Riley tugs at her arm.] Buffy: Don't tell me what to do! I'm Buffy. I have to do this. Riley: Then I'm coming with. [Buffy pokes Riley near which he is hurt.] Riley: Ow! Buffy: I can't use you. someone comes out, you get 'em to safety. Unless they've got fangs. [Buffy enters the church.] Cut to interior. [Buffy closes the door.] Vampire: I told the cops, they send any one in, I start the whole massacre thing. Buffy: Well, I'm not the cops. I just come to pray. Vampire: now's a good time to start. Buffy: You're not* gonna kill these people. Vampire: Why not? Buffy: Because it's wrong. [Vampire 3 attacks from behind and is thrown up in the air He collides with a column and he doesn't get up.] Vampire: You're the slayer. Buffy: The one and only. Cut to outside. [Giles is driving the armored truck. It stops and Willow, Tara and Faith jump out of the back.] Policeman: You people, get out of here! Willow: We've gotta get inside. Policeman: The police are handling this. Just back off right now. Willow: But we can't, we've gotta, Y- you don't understand. [Giles and Faith exchange a glance.] Policeman: Listen you have to clear the area. Giles [yelling]: Damn it, man, we have to get inside. [Faith moves out of sight behind the armored truck.] Our, um, uh uh families are in there. Our, um, mothers and-and tiny, tiny babies. Cut to church interior Vampire: You think we're afraid of you? We're not afraid Of anything anymore. Buffy: Then let all these people go, and all three of you can take me on. Vampire: Heh. I got a better idea. [He swings at Buffy and she dodges and hits him in the stomach, backhands his face and kicks him in the waist. He goes down. She kicks anothervvampire in the stomach and knocks him back. Then she kicks the vampire who hit the pillar and sends him flying. She drives the second vampire back with a series of punches as people flee. She breaks off some wood from the back of a pew and stakes the second vampire. She tosses him aside and he spins as he turns to dust. The vampire who hit the pillar flees and grabs a robe.] Cut to outside. [The pillar vampire runs into Riley. They fall and roll. They get up and he hits Riley in the face. Riley spins him and throws him down and holds onto the robe. The sunlight dusts him.] Riley: You forgot your coat. [Faith runs up.] Faith: Riley. {Faith hugs Riley.] Riley: Ohh. It's ok, miss. Just get yourself out of harm's way. Faith: Riley, it's me. Uh. Never mind. How many are in there? Riley: Well...who are you? Inside the last vampire breaks the stake lose from Buffy's grip and throws her back against a pew. Vampire: I have strength you couldn't dream of. [Punches Buffy in the face.] Adam has shown me the way, and there is [Same punch.] nothing --aah. He turns to dust. Faith is standing there with a stake. Buffy leaps to attack. They exchange punches and Buffy is attacking frenetically and she is slightly quicker. She knocks Faith down but Faith comes back with an uppercut and knocks her back. Faith: You can't win this. Buffy: Shut up! Do you think I'm afraid of you? [Buffy grabs Faith and throws her down, then sits on top of her and starts punching her.] You're nothing. [Punch. Punch.] Disgusting. [Punch. Punch.] [Buffy grabs Faith's hair with both hand and bangs her head.] Murderous bitch. [Bang. Bang...] You're nothing. [Bang. Bang...] [Switches back to punches] You're [Buffy is now crying.] disgusting. [Faith grabs Buffy's hand to stop a punch and their hands glow.] Now Buffy is in her own body. And Faith is in her own body. [The real Buffy falls back as their hands separate. The real Faith jumps up and runs off. The real Buffy sits, stunned or shocked, and watches her leave.] Cut to Riley's room. [The real Buffy hangs up phone. She is sitting on the bed. Riley is sitting in a chair.] Real Buffy: She's gone. not a trace. Giles said the council guys have cleared out, too. Riley: I don't understand. how could she have... ummph I mean, how's it possible? Real Buffy: Magic. Riley: There was something. I should've picked up on it. I should've just... Riley looks away, not meeting real Buffy's eyes. She realizes. Real Buffy: You slept with her. Riley [looks down]: I slept with you. [Buffy stands.] Riley: Man, would I like to get my hands on her. Not in a sx way. Real Buffy: I don't think she's coming back. Riley: Guess she's had her fun. Real Buffy: Yeah. Fun. Briefy real Buffy's face and real Faith's face are superimposed together on the screen as real Buffy fades out and real Faith fades in. [Real Faith is riding in a rail car with wooden sides. Train track sounds are heard.] Originally aired: February 29, 2000 BTVS for whatever reason, to enjoy, as well as those who think transcripts are just cool, and as reference material for fanfic writers. Buffy and all copyrighted characters are the product of Joss Whedon and I have nothing but respect for him and those whose hard work is put into bringing us a great show. I did this of my own free time and will never make a dime from it. Now let me add. If you are looking at this transcript, save it, copy it, send it to your friends. Unlike other transcribers, who I have nothing but respect for, if you see any mistakes that might be in this transcript, feel free to correct them, or if you just want to personalize it to suit yourself, by all means. Hell I do it. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *Transcriber's notes: Tonight, the role of Buffy Summers will be played by Eliza Dushku. For the sake of this transcript, the transcriber will refer to Faith-in-Buffy's-body as just Faith and Buffy-in-Faith's-body as just Buffy. Fade in. Night. Exterior shot of the Summers home, shortly after â€œThis Year's Girlâ€ ended. Several police cars are out in front of the house, strobing the neighborhood with their red lights. An ambulance is parked on the lawn, it's rear doors open and facing the house. A few curious neighbors have also gathered. A plainclothes detective (same one from last episode) is talking to the young woman he thinks is Buffy Summers. They're standing close to the steps of the front porch. Joyce Summers is walking out of the house and drapes a coat around her daughter's shoulders. Detective: It's good you called. We've been looking for this girl since she broke out of the hospital. Joyce: What's going to happen to her? Detective: Well, get her checked out. If she's in stable condition, she goes to jail, pending trial. Joyce: I just hope she gets some kind of help. Behind them, the paramedics are wheeling a gurney out the front door. Faith's body is strapped to it. She's barely conscious. Detective: The first thing is to keep her from hurting anybody else. As it's taken past Joyce and her daughter the brunette looks at them with half-opened eyes. From her blurring POV she sees the younger blonde take her mother's hand and lift it, casually, to make sure she sees this. Then her vision fades as she loses consciousness. The paramedics load her into the ambulance. Detective: Well, you guys will be safe now. We may have a couple of questions in the morning. Joyce: Oh, uh, of course. Detective: Thank you both. I'm glad we finally got the kid. Faith: (sharply) She's not a kid. (sees the detective's surprised look) I just mean that she's very strong. Detective: Yeah. This Faith chick-- definitely dangerous. With that, the detective turns and walks toward one of the squad cars. Joyce heads back into the house, but Faith stands there watching the ambulance pull out of the drive way. Faith: She truly is. Faith turns, in her new body, and starts walking back to the house. Wolf's howl. Buffy theme and credits roll. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Part One ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in. Interior of the Summers home. The last of the police have left and Joyce is closing the front door. Faith is casually walking into the living room stretching her arms. Joyce: Faith. Startled, Faith spins around to face her, slight panic on her face. But Joyce has a thoughtful expression. Joyce: Why do you think she's like that? Faith: (offhandedly) Well, you know. She's a nut job. Heh. Joyce: I just don't understand what could drive a person to that kind of behavior. Faith: Well, how do you know she got drove? I mean, maybe she likes being that way. Joyce: I'll never believe that. I think she's horribly unhappy. Faith: Well, could be things are looking up. I mean, a little stint in the pokey, show her the error of her ways. (slight grin) I'm sure there's some big old Bertha just waiting to shower her ripe little self with affection. Joyce: (shocked) Buffy! Faith: (oops) I'm sorry, Mom. It's just . . . (crosses the room to Joyce playing â€œconcerned daughterâ€) when I think about how she might have hurt you, I just . . . I can't stand it. Touched, Joyce smiles and gives her a big hug. Over her shoulder we can see Faith grimace in discomfort at this mushy affection. She pulls away and heads towards the stairs. Joyce: (slightly hurt) Sorry. Faith: (makes of show of stretching her shoulders) No, I'm just, uh, sore from the fight. In front of the stairs, she faces her. Joyce: I've missed you. Faith: 'Cause I haven't visited, right? (smug) I knew it. Joyce: I know how it is. You've . . . got so much in your life now. Faith: I'm a busy little beaver. College and all. Joyce: (nods) Of course. (hopefully) But, um, maybe we could spend some time together soon? Some night when I'm not being held hostage by a raving psychotic. Faith: (pause) Count on it. (smiles) I'm gonna take a bath. She turns abruptly and heads upstairs. Cut to Faith in the tub, having a bubble bath. She sighs with her eyes closed. Then she raises her arms out of the water to examine them. She lifts her left leg straight up to look at it and smiles, caressing it with her hands. Faith lowers the leg back in the water and scoops two handfuls of suds and blows the bubbles into the air. Cut to Faith looking at Buffy's reflection in the mirror, from the mirror's POV. Her hair is hanging wet on her shoulders and she has a towel wrapped around herself. She turns her head to the right then to the left. She leans towards the mirror for a closer look and scrunches her face. She relaxes her features then uses her index fingers to push her eyebrows high on her forehead. Next, she opens her mouth wide to stick her tongue out. Again she uses her index fingers to raise her top lip, looking at Buffy's very white teeth. Cut to a few frames later, still in front of the mirror. Faith is speaking in a pleasant â€œstewardessâ€ voice. Faith: Why, yes, I would be Buffy. May I help you? Cut to a few frames later. Faith: (practicing) Buf-fy. Cut to Faith sticking her tongue out again, head tilted to the side. Cut to Faith running her fingers through Buffy's wet hair, then puts forth an admonishing finger as if speaking to a child. Faith: (scolding) You can't do that! It's wrong. Cut to a few frames later. Faith: (sensitive) You can't do that, because it's naughty. (grimaces) A few more frames. Faith: (stern) Because it's wrong. Cut. Faith: (empathy) Because it's wrong. Another cut. Faith is walking a few feet away from the mirror then suddenly whips around to face it, pointing at it with her hand in a gun shape. Faith: (bad-ass tone) You can't do that! It's wrong! I'll kick your ass! Cut to same shot. Still pointing at the mirror. Faith: I'm gonna kill you! Cut to Faith leaning closer to the mirror as a voice-over of evil laughter is heard and we-- Cut to the hospital. We see a burly male nurse come crashing across the room, hitting the counter, and he falls to the floor. He just had his ass thrown. Faith's voice: (OS) Let me go! Let me go! Camera pans and we see who appears to be Faith thrashing in a bed trying to free herself from the men who are holding her down. The doctor hurries away from the bed as a police officer, the detective, and two orderlies restrain the young woman. It's all they can do to keep her on the bed. Doctor: Get me a sedative, NOW! Detective: Hold her! Buffy: (yelling) I have to go home! She's with my mother! The doctor returns and clamps a hand on her arm to still it and shoves a syringe needle into her vein. Buffy: NO! Doctor: Just lie still. Buffy: (weakening voice) You don't understand. Detective: Keep holding her. Her struggles quickly lessen as the drug takes effect. Buffy: (fading) She's taken my-- my body. Unable to keep her eyes open her head falls back. Cut to Tara's dimly lit room. Willow is laying on the bed, hands folded across her stomach. Tara is sitting on the other side of the bed reading tarot cards. Willow: I wonder where she is? Tara: Who? Faith? Willow: Yeah. I wish she would make a move. She's making my stomach all acidy. Tara: But you think Buffy can handle her? Willow sits up to face her. Willow: I think so. (worried) But that doesn't mean Faith won't hurt someone else. Tara: Well, you should be safe. Nobody knows you're here. I mean . . . they don't even know I exist, right? I know all about them, but [SCENE_BREAK] Willow: Hey. Willow puts a gentle hand on Tara's knee. Tara continues in a â€œno big dealâ€ tone. Tara: I mean, I mean, th-that's totally cool. I mean, it-it's good. It's . . . it's better. But Willow can see through this. Willow: Tara, it's not like I don't want my friends to know you. It's just . . . well, Buffy's like my best friend, and she's really special. And . . there's this whole bunch of us, and-and we sort of have this group thing that revolves around the slaying, and-and I-I really want you to meet them. But I-I just kinda like having something that's just, you know . . . mine. Tara regards her silently for a moment. Willow: And I-I usually don't use so many words to say stuff that little, but (laughs softly) do you get it at all? Tara: I do. Willow takes a deep breath. Willow: I should check in with Giles, get a situation update. She gets up and rounds the bed to the other side of the room behind Tara. Tara: I am, you know. Willow stops to face her. Willow: What? Tara looks over her shoulder at her. Tara: (meaningfully) Yours. Willow just smiles at this. Cut to Buffy's bedroom. Faith is standing in front of the full-length mirror checking out Buffy's reflection. She's dressed in a long, sleek black tank top and black leather pants and boots. Buffy's hair is in wavy curls (her â€œSomething Blueâ€ hair). Reaching into the shirt, she adjusts Buffy's breasts to a more perky position then puts her hands on her hips to inspect the improved cleavage. Faith: Not too bad. Faith turns to Buffy's dresser and begins to search it. In the first drawer she opens she finds Buffy's passport and flips through it. Faith: Score.
doc_151	THE TRIAL OF A TIME LORD PART THREE (THE MYSTERIOUS PLANET) Run time: 24:18 [SCENE_BREAK] Tunnel entrance [SCENE_BREAK] Balazar: It's beautiful! The Doctor: Hmm? Oh. Oh, I knew she wouldn't still be here. That girl can't obey an order. Peri: Doctor! Balazar: Who are they? The Doctor: Peri! Hurry! The Doctor: Back inside, quick. The Doctor: In you go. The Doctor: Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] Tunnel [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: I always knew exercise was bad for you. The Doctor: I shouldn't lie there if I was you. Not unless you want to be killed with a spear in your back. Glitz: What? Did you do the job, my boy? Dibber: Of course. [SCENE_BREAK] Underground station [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: We've got to get out of here! Peri: But how? The Doctor: This way. The Doctor: Oh, no. Back. Peri: Well, now what? The Doctor: I don't know. I really think this could be the end! [SCENE_BREAK] Underground station [SCENE_BREAK] Balazar: I know him. It's Broken Tooth. Glitz: Then why doesn't he fire at you? Balazar: Broken Tooth, it's Balazar! The Doctor: Fire at the robot! Balazar: The Immortal One. Dibber: Squeeze the trigger, don't pull it. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro: What is happening? Reactivate! Humker: We are trying. Tandrell: It doesn't respond. Drathro: You must make it work. I must have the Doctor here. My black light system is failing. [SCENE_BREAK] Underground station [SCENE_BREAK] Balazar: I can't believe it. You're alive! They said you'd been culled. Broken Tooth: I owe my life to Merdeen. Balazar: I too. The Doctor: Well, I hate to break up this happy reunion, but I have to find the aerial to Drathro's black light converter. Dibber: No need to hurry. It's gone. The Doctor: Gone? Where? Dibber: I blew it up. The Doctor: What? Glitz: It'll put the L3 out of action. The Doctor: More likely start a chain reaction. Drathro's black light system's highly unstable. Blowing it up is about the worst thing you could have done. I have to shut the black light system down now. Broken Tooth: You will all return to our village. Our queen has unfinished business with this person. The Doctor: No! Broken Tooth: You will come with us, and you will come quietly. Glitz: And you had to tell him how to use the gun. Dibber: Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Inquisitor: Valeyard, are these unpleasant scenes necessary to your case? I find primitive physical violence distressing. The Doctor: So do I, ma'am. Especially when I'm on the receiving end. Valeyard: I too find it repugnant to witness, my lady, but the Doctor has a well-known predilection for violence. The Doctor: That is a foul slur! Inquisitor: Do not interrupt, Doctor. The Doctor: I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm not given to violence as the Valeyard here suggests. Occasionally I might have to resort to a modicum of force... Inquisitor: Please be silent. The Doctor: As a means of self defence. Inquisitor: Doctor, you will have ample opportunity to put your case at a later point. The Doctor: But... Inquisitor: Valeyard, I would appreciate it if these brutal and repetitious scenes are reduced to a minimum. Valeyard: My lady, it is certainly not my wish to cause you any unnecessary affront, but the accused offences are such that a certain amount of graphic detail is unavoidable. Inquisitor: Very well. Continue. [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] Grell: You seem lost. Merdeen: Not I, although you seem to have mislaid your train, Grell. Grell: Stealth is better achieved on foot. Especially when we hunt dark secrets. Merdeen: I thought we hunted the Doctor. Grell: Him too. Drathro (O.C.): Merdeen. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Merdeen (on screen): Immortal? Drathro: I have urgent work for Balazar, but I can not find him. [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] Merdeen: I will search for him at once. Grell: Where are you going? Merdeen: Continue your search for the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Tandrell: I did it! I did it, I reactivated the robot. Humker: I think you'll find that I did it. Tandrell: I beg your pardon, I did it. Humker: I did it. Tandrell: I did! Humker: I did! Drathro: Silence! You drain my energy reserve with your constant infantile bickering. [SCENE_BREAK] Katryca's hut [SCENE_BREAK] Katryca: So, my hospitality was not to your liking? Glitz: Just needed to step out for a breath of fresh air. Katryca: And who is this? The Doctor: Ah, how do you do? I am known as the Doctor. Now, there has been a terrible mistake. I shouldn't be here at all. Katryca: Another star traveller? The Doctor: Well, in a manner of speaking. Katryca: And are you interested in the Great Totem of Haldren. The Doctor: I beg your pardon? Glitz: She means the light converter. The Doctor: Ah, yes, indeed. Now how can you possibly have known that? Katryca: Have you searched him for guns? Broken Tooth: He has none. Katryca: That makes you very unusual for a star traveller who is interested in the Great Totem. The Doctor: Well, I've come to repair it. Katryca: Then you are very prompt, considering your friends have only recently damaged it. The Doctor: Oh, these are not my friends. Well, with one... The Doctor: And your Great Totem is not what it seems. Katryca: Then please explain. The Doctor: It's function is to convert ultraviolet rays to black light. Katryca: Interesting, though I do not understand what you are saying. The Doctor: Well, Drathro, er, the Immortal, depends on black light to function. He is a robot. Katryca: Fascinating, since your friend just told me that it was a navigational beacon. The Doctor: He lies. Katryca: A common complaint among star travellers. Glitz: I am not a liar! Katryca: How shall I know who speaks the truth? All I am certain of is the gods are angered at your coming to our world. I shall read their wishes in the flames. The Doctor: Er, I don't wish to appear discourteous, but I'd better get back to Drathro. Katryca: Remain where you are! The Doctor: You have no quarrel with us. They destroyed your beacon. Katryca: You are a star traveller. Star travelling is forbidden by the gods. The underground dweller shall remain with our tribe. The others, remove from my sight. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Humker: All that unpleasant green. Tandrell: It is vegetation. Humker: Why was it not burned, Drathro? Drathro: Only part of the planet was enveloped by fire. Humker: What is its function? Drathro: It supports primitive life. Tandrell: Primitive life is unnecessary. Humker: So vegetation in unnecessary. Tandrell: Syllogism is also unnecessary, Humker. Humker: It was not a true syllogism, Tandrell. It contained only the major and minor premise. Tandrell: Still unnecessary, like so much that you say. [SCENE_BREAK] Hut [SCENE_BREAK] Dibber: Thought we'd seen the last of this place. The Doctor: Look, you've got to help us get out of here. Balazar: I dare not, Doctor. Broken Tooth: The queen will burn us in your place. The Doctor: If I don't get out of here, we'll all burn. Glitz: You're the Time Lord. Haven't you got a ring you can rub? A magic lamp? Something for these sort of emergencies? The Doctor: Hardly. More your style I'd have thought. Anyway, what does bring you here? Glitz: Purely a private enterprise, Doctor, to collect a few moldering files of no value except to scholars such as myself. The Doctor: Oh, you're a scholarly philanthropist, are you? Glitz: Exactly the description, Doctor. The Doctor: That goes around blowing up black light converters. Glitz: A small expediency if I am to endow a library on my home planet of Salostophus. The Doctor: In the constellation of Andromeda? Glitz: You know of it? The Doctor: Hmm. Peri: What we don't know is the name of this planet. Glitz: You mean he hasn't told you? A man of your learning, Doctor? Tut tut. This, is Earth of course. Peri: I said so, didn't I? The Doctor: But it is in the wrong position. Glitz: Only by a couple of light years. Dibber: That's why the lost expedition missed. The Doctor: What lost expedition? Dibber: Andromeda bunged off these robots in a relief ship... Glitz: Don't prattle, Dibber. All that was a long time ago. Balazar: The word Earth is mentioned many times, by the great writer H M Stationery Office. Dibber: Thought we'd seen the last of him as well. Glitz: Shut up and stand in front of me where I can keep an eye on you. The Doctor: Keep calm and stay still. It's looking for me, but I think it's confused. Glitz: Well, can't you shake its hand or something? The Doctor: How do you do? I am known as the Doctor. Glitz: Now's our chance, Dibber. Peri: We've got to help the Doctor! Glitz: He'll be all right. He's in good hands. Come on! Peri: No! [SCENE_BREAK] Katryca's hut [SCENE_BREAK] Katryca: Escaped? I told you to guard them! Balazar: Well, the Immortal came and took them. Broken Tooth: We both saw him, Katryca. He walked through the wall. Katryca: Get the guns! [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro: Habitations. Tandrell: Only man makes habitations. Drathro: All life perished in the fire. If men now live on the surface, they must have come from my biosphere. Tandrell: How can that be possible? Humker: It is forbidden. Tandrell: All work units obey you orders. Drathro: Some must have escaped. Helped to escape. That is what has happened. Humker: Is it important? Drathro: They're out of control, outside the plan. Tandrell: They're outlaws. Drathro: Now my existence is threatened. They have destroyed the source of my energy. Take measures, create a defensive system, identify and destroy the traitors. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: All this is irrelevant and hypothetical. Valeyard: Background testimony. The Doctor: What possible value does the Farmyard here think there is in listening to some half-incapacitated robot, and a couple of diminutive nit-wits who might as well be robots? Inquisitor: You're allowing your disrespect to show again, Doctor. The Doctor: I'm sorry, ma'am, but the question still stands. Inquisitor: As prosecutor, the Valeyard has the right to include any evidence he considers to be relevant, provided he can justify its inclusion. The Doctor: But any record relating to persons not in my presence must be sheer conjecture. Valeyard: The accused is clearly ignorant of the latest methods of surveillance, my lady. Inquisitor: This evidence is taken from the Matrix, a knowledge bank fed constantly by the experiences of all Time Lords, wherever they may be. The Doctor: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, ma'am. I know that. My whole point is that I'm not. Inquisitor: Not what? The Doctor: Not part of the scenes being shown by the Scrapyard here. I'm sorry, Valeyard. Force of habit, I apologise. Valeyard: Doctor, the experience of third parties can also be monitored and accessed if needed, as long as they are in the collection range of a TARDIS. The Doctor: Oh. But my TARDIS is an old model. Are you telling me it's been bugged without my knowledge? Inquisitor: Bugged? Valeyard: It is a reference apparently to the new surveillance system, my lady. The expression derives from an Earth term. Inquisitor: I see. I think we are wasting time on an unimportant issue. Continue the evidence, Valeyard. [SCENE_BREAK] Ravalox [SCENE_BREAK] Katryca: Stop, Immortal! Peri: They'll kill the Doctor! Glitz: We've all got to go sometime, Peri. Peri: You're all heart! Glitz: The supreme sacrifice. What a person. If I have time, I'll compose the eulogy for his funeral. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro: They have guns. From where? Humker: Guns can be manufactured. Tandrell: Though manufacturing requires advanced technology, Humker. Humker: Yes, but the fact that they have guns also means that they possess advanced technology. Tandrell: False reasoning again, Humker. These are savages. Their guns must have been supplied from without. Drathro: The Doctor. Humker: The L1 robot has ceased to function. Tandrell: From the present data that we have, that would seem a logical presumption. Humker: It is obvious. It has ceased transmitting signals. Tandrell: I was replying to Drathro. Drathro: The Doctor is from Gallifrey. He has been sent to recover the secrets left by the Sleepers. To do that, he has armed the outlaws. Therefore his intention is to ferment a rebellion against my authority. Tandrell: (quietly) And with nothing left but power from the few backup storage cells he's quite likely to win. Humker: Then what will happen to us? Tandrell: I dread to think. [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] Merdeen: Are you following me? Grell: Like you, I'm looking for a lost man. It simply occurred to me that it might prove more productive if we searched as a team. Merdeen: What makes you think the Doctor and Balazar will be together? Grell: Events. Merdeen: Meaning? Grell: I don't think the Immortal's orders are always carried out, especially when it comes to culling. Merdeen: I always supervise the cullings myself. Grell: I know. Merdeen: Then what do you mean? Grell: I think you send people outside. Merdeen: Then they are destroyed by the fire. Does it really matter how they die? Grell: Depends whether you really believe that the surface of the planet still burns. Merdeen: I believe what the Immortal tells me. Grell: Then you are a liar. The Doctor is with Balazar, isn't he? And both of them have left the subways. Merdeen: Then why does the Immortal instruct us to search for them? Grell: I don't know. But I think we should talk about it. Unless you would prefer that I took my suspicion to the Immortal. [SCENE_BREAK] Ravalox [SCENE_BREAK] Balazar: Is the Immortal dead at last? Katryca: The Immortal's reign is ended. Broken Tooth: Katryca the Great One! Long live Queen Katryca! Villagers: Long live Queen Katryca! Balazar: Now the Immortal is dead, how shall men live? Katryca: In the tribe of the Free we had no need of the Immortal. We shall live as we always lived, except now, the Immortal's secrets shall be ours. Broken Tooth: How? Katryca: Do you not see, Broken Tooth? They are ours for the taking. Balazar: The Immortal's castle? Katryca: Yes, Balazar. It is ours now. All the tools are metal. All the strange materials that bend and do not break, All the mysteries and treasures of our ancient forefathers that we shall learn to use again. Do you not agree? Villagers: Yes! Katryca: Then let us attack! Peri: Doctor! Peri: Oh, Doctor, please. Glitz: He's a goner. You can tell by his colour. Dibber: Definitely a stiff, Mister Glitz. Peri: Help me get this thing off him. Glitz: I shouldn't bother. He's probably got horrible injuries. Dibber: Yeah, those ensign guns can blow you to bits. Glitz: Talking of guns, Dibber, we need the heavy artillery. Which, if memory serves me, are hidden not a more than a million miles from this very spot. Dibber: Good idea of mine to bring the multiblaster, eh, Mister Glitz? Glitz: I'll teach that two-faced harridan and her ignorant peasants to trifle with Sabalom Glitz. Dibber: But they've gone down the tunnel. Glitz: So? We'll blow them out through the roof. That is, if the robot doesn't get them first. Dibber: So let's fetch them, then. Glitz: No, you fetch them, Dibber. I'll meet you at the entrance. Dibber: But those multiblasters must weigh at least a hundred... Glitz: Exactly. That is why I employ you to fetch and carry. Now, cut along, there's a good lad. Peri: Doctor! The Doctor: Keep your head down! Beware the hand! Keep your head down! Peri: You're alive, I knew it. The Doctor: Oh! My head hurts abominably, Sarah Jane. Where are we? Peri: I'm not Sarah Jane, I'm Peri. The Doctor: Eh? Peri: And you're lying under the remains of a robot. The Doctor: Yes, I remember now. Get this thing off me! Peri: I've been trying to. The Doctor: Where are Katryca and the others? Peri: They've gone to the tunnels. The Doctor: Eh? Why? Peri: From what I could hear, now they've killed the Immortal, she's planning a takeover. The Doctor: But this isn't the Immortal, this is just. How long have they been gone? Peri: A few minutes. The Doctor: I've got to get after them. Peri: Why? The Doctor: They've got to be stopped. The situation's worse than you imagine. Peri: It always is. [SCENE_BREAK] Underground station [SCENE_BREAK] Katryca: How does the great door open? Broken Tooth: You turn this. Katryca: Then open it. Katryca: Balazar, you and Broken Tooth have lived in this blackness. You will lead the way. Broken Tooth: I know a tunnel that passes Marb Stati on and leads straight to the Immortal's castle. Katryca: Then forward! [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Humker: They look very fierce, Drathro. Tandrell: Naturally. They live as wild creatures. Humker: They are coming towards us. Tandrell: Humker, you have a gift for the obvious. Humker: Surely they will not attack us. Tandrell: That is their intention. Humker: I do not understand the logic. We have not harmed them. Drathro: It is a rebellion. Humker: What shall we do if they break in? Drathro: I shall kill them. Tandrell: Their guns destroyed the L1, Drathro. Drathro: My plating is stronger. My circuits are protected. Their guns will kill only you. Humker: But if we die, who will look after your research? Drathro: The Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] Broken Tooth: Halt. I fear the worst. Katryca: What is wrong? We are lost? Broken Tooth: Marb Station is back this way. Balazar: It is forward, and from thence the home of the Immortal. Katryca: We have no need for indecision in the tribe of the Free. Long we have waited for this moment. The Immortal is dead, and we shall plunder his castle. The spoils of triumph are ours. Now think, which is the way. Balazar & Broken Tooth: This way. Katryca: Am I to be surrounded by fools? We go forward. Broken Tooth: But Katryca... Katryca: Forward, I say. I have read it in the flames many times. We go forward. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Humker: That is not correct. Tandrell: Clearly there is a mechanical defect, Humker. Humker: An electronic malfunction. Tandrell: Perhaps the Doctor caused the problem. Humker: Have you seen this, Drathro? Drathro: I do not need to observe, my condition tells me of the movement failure of the black light system. Humker: What could have precipitated it? Tandrell: There weren't any warning signs. Drathro: The destruction of the converter's aerial. Tandrell: Destruction? Drathro: The service robot monitored the fact as it entered the village. Tandrell: Can we repair it? Drathro: No. Soon the black light system will collapse in upon itself, and we shall all cease to function. [SCENE_BREAK] Underground station [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Trouble is, his refraction dipoles are worn out. Nothing for it now but to shut the black light system down. Peri: That sounds easy enough. The Doctor: Oh, it is, but if I shut the black light system down I must shut Drathro down as well. I can hardly see him agreeing to that. Peri: Well, what happens if he won't let you? The Doctor: Then the black light system will implode and destroy everything in these tunnels. Peri: Oh great, so that's why we're going in, is it? The Doctor: Peri, I can't let people die if there's a chance of saving them. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the tunnel entrance [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: You got the guns, then. Dibber: Well, it looks like it, Mister Glitz. Glitz: I'll tell you something funny, Dibber. We was wrong about the Doctor. He's bunked off. Dibber: He hasn't bunked off. He's gone down there. Glitz: What? Dibber: I saw them as I came up. He had Peri with him. Glitz: So, he is after what we are. Dibber: Well, could be. Glitz: Course he is. I knew it all along. He's got no more interest in the scientific side of things than I have. Dibber: Well, you didn't fool him, telling him you're a philatelist, did you, mister Glitz? Glitz: Philanthropist, you ignorant dink. Didn't you learn nothing in that remand home? Dibber: Well, whatever the word, he guessed that you weren't one. Glitz: Don't I look like a philanthropist? Dibber: Well, how do I know? I've never seen one. Glitz: A philanthropist, my son, is someone who gives away all their grotzits out of the simple goodness of their heart. Dibber: Oh, you mean they're stupid? Oh yeah, you probably do look like one, then. Glitz: Get down that hole. Glitz: Oh dear, they are heavy, aren't they. [SCENE_BREAK] Underground station [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: Oh, please, Dibber! Dibber: You always did despise muscle. Glitz: Not at all, lad. Not when there are things to carry. Anyway, Dibber, if we should run into the Doctor again... Dibber: We shoot him. Glitz: Not a bad idea lad. But whatever you do, don't open your big pie-hole and let him know that we're after the stuff. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Valeyard: The remainder of that evidence has been excised, my lady. Inquisitor: Excised? Why? Valeyard: By order of the High Council. Inquisitor: This is a judicial enquiry appointed by the High Council but independently conducted. It is my duty, Valeyard, to decide what evidence is relevant. Valeyard: Of course, my lady. The High Council simply felt that certain areas of testimony should not be revealed. Inquisitor: Why not? Valeyard: Against the public interest, my lady. Inquisitor: I cannot conduct a proper and searching enquiry without full access to the evidence. Valeyard: Naturally, Inquisitor, their honours would be quite prepared to let you consider the full record in camera. Inquisitor: And I think that would be unfair to the defendant. Do you wish to lodge an official objection at this stage, Doctor? The Doctor: Well, I, er. No, ma'am. No, let the Valeyard here continue. Give him enough rope to hang himself, eh? Inquisitor: As you wish. Proceed. [SCENE_BREAK] Marb Station [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Hurry, Peri, there isn't much time. Peri: Well, how long before this black light thing blows up? The Doctor: There's no telling. We've got to get past Queen Katryca, into the castle and make that demented robot see sense. Merdeen: So, you have returned. The Doctor: Merdeen. Missed your train? Merdeen: The train is noisy. We hunt by foot. The Doctor: Oh. What are you hunting? Merdeen: You!
doc_152	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Mike: [grunting] Wynn: Aah! [gunshot] Mike: Aah! Wynn: Mikey! [crack] Katherine: [gasps] Raylan: Your ladyfriend is dead. Went pretty badly, as I understand it, in the confines of a motor coach belonging to Wynn Duffy. Boyd: Baby? [grunts] What disappoints you, Raylan Givens? The fact that you weren't the one who got to shoot me? Where is she goin'? Boyd: Well, you wheel me outta here, I'll take you straight to her. [chuckles] That's funny. Boyd: Sooner or later, one way or the other, I'm gonna get out of here, and when I do, I'm gonna go get that money. Zachariah: Now, this Grubes guy we're going to see ... you sure he knows his way around? Ava: He knows the trails blindfolded. Boyd knows Grubes. Zachariah: Ah. Ava: If he's alive ... Zachariah: If he's alive, the marshals got him, and if he ain't, the more, the better. Grubes? [yelling] Ava: Nooo! Carl: How we gonna get you out past the nurses' stand without anybody noticing? Boyd: [sighs] It shouldn't be too hard with all the chaos. Carl: What chaos? [gunshot] Art: You got 48 hours, Raylan. Raylan: 48 hours, bullshit. Who you got coming after me? Everybody? Art: Everybody's out looking for Boyd. I'll be the one coming after you. [car door chiming] [chiming stops] Boyd: Evening, sir. Where you headed tonight? Hagan: Headed home. Boyd: You got any kin waiting on you? Hagan: No, sir, I don't. Boyd: That won't be necessary. Hagan: Well... What can I do for you, officer? [gun cocks] Boyd: You can give me a ride. [music] [chiming] [chiming stops] Art: This the shitbag? Tim: It is. Art: Hello, shitbag. Tim: Him there's the good news. Art: I don't want to hear the bad news. Tim: No, sir, you do not. Art: Jesus Christ, Raylan. Raylan: [sighs] Cope: Don't suppose you remember my name. Raylan: I remember you had aim to throw me down a mine shaft. You're a long way from home, are you not? Cope: I am. Slurry pond fouled the spring. No water on the other side of the mountain. No water ... nothing to hunt. Well, I reckon it was hard to move on. Cope: Was. They'll take the mountaintop year's end, I heard. I'd have had to move on regardless. Wouldn't mind if you sat a spell. Raylan: I got urgent matters. My advice ... keep moving on. There's a fugitive at large hereabouts. Give my best to Cousin Mary if you see her. Cope: Unh-unh. She passed. Raylan: Condolences. Stand up. Tell 'em to come out, guns pointed at the ground. Cope: [whistles] Raylan: [sighs] If that ain't all of 'em, you're the first one who gets shot. Cope: That's all of 'em. Raylan: Lay your guns down. Every second I spend on your bullshit, the man I'm hunting gets further away. Now, tell 'em to do it before I lose my temper. Now, walk down that hill, and keep walking ... about an hour. He'll catch up with you soon if he don't do something stupid. Ava: No sign. [panting] [clinking] I bet they ran off after Grubes died. And I bet they starved to death. Zachariah: We got no guide, and you're worried about the horses? Ava: That's one bad omen on top of another. Zachariah: I ain't superstitious. Ava: Well, it doesn't take a damn ouija board to see that our plan is as dead as the man that used to live in that house. You'd notice if you weren't playing in the dirt! Zachariah: I'm digging a grave. Ava: For us? Huh? Uncle Zachariah, we gotta get out of here. Oh, is that the way it is? Leave the dead to bury their own? That's something you learned from Boyd, huh? Ava: You don't know me. You ... You want to be all high and mighty? Let's see how that saves your ass. Zachariah: I know you don't want to hear me preach, but I'm gonna tell you right now, there's six months' worth of food in that cabin, plenty of water, and a lot of firewood for the cold. Wait a minute. If that's your idea of a plan... Oh no, little girl. I like your idea... we just roam around these goddamn mountains not knowing what the hell we're doing, lost, hauling 300, 400, 500 pounds of money? Oh, you're real smart, girl. Ava: I can't keep this up. Zachariah: Yes, you can, and you will. 'Cause that's who we are, born in these godforsaken hollers in this goddamn broken-down world. We're survivors. Ava: Okay, you want to stay? We can stay. But we're gonna fight. Zachariah: Won't have to fight. After two weeks, they'll think we're somewhere over in Virginia. They'll just move that search on over there. Ava: I'm talking about Boyd. He knows this place. He will come. Zachariah: Boyd is dead. And if he ain't dead, he's in jail. We'll be safe here for a while. Grab that shovel and help me get this man in the ground. Cope: I don't see any badge. Are you still a federal? This guy you're chasing... he personal business? Raylan: You met him. You put me in a box with him. He's now a federal fugitive. Cope: So you should've let me kill him at the time, then, huh? Raylan: Thought has crossed my mind. Cope: So I'm right. Gotta be you, the one that does him. Had a coyote like that. Ate near 10 of my chickens... one every night. Dogs couldn't catch her, avoided the traps like she'd set 'em herself. You know, what I decided to do was ... Raylan: I don't care what you did. I need you to shut your mouth and get up that hill. Cope: You know, after we tangled, Cousin Mary told us all about you. Turns out, I remember your daddy. He's a son of a bitch. Raylan: You'll get no argument there. Cope: You know what he did? Raylan: Historically or on a specific day? Cope: He used us. Used our blood ties to your Mama to have us move his drugs up and down our mountain ... the way you're moving me right now. The way I see it, that makes you a son of a bitch, too. Raylan: Guilty as char... Cope: [grunts] Raylan: I let you go, you gonna get your people, come back after me? Cope: Got any good reason why I shouldn't? Raylan: With what purpose in mind? Cope: You saw 'em. They got nothing. They'll kill you for your boots. Raylan: Give me that. In a couple days, you're gonna come to Arlo Givens' place, he's in the book. I'm signing it over to you. Cope: Y-You're giving me your house? Raylan: He did you people dirt. This is payback. Been using that place as a bullshit excuse. I don't need the money from selling it. I need to find Boyd and get to Florida. Cope: [grunts] What's this? Raylan: A note... bequeathing the property to you... ...case I don't make it down. [music] [title music] ♪ On this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ Markham: I always scoffed at people talking to... loved ones who'd moved on. Seemed impractical to me. Can't hear you. They're gone. And I'm a practical man. Except when it comes to you, it seems. Revenge, Katherine. What did you in? Damn it, I told you I would get Duffy! Why didn't you trust me? For once, why couldn't you just do what you were told to do? I'll always love you, Katherine, but you need to know. I may be talking to a ghost, but I am still a practical man. I'd love to gut Wynn Duffy from nose to tail, but I have got to go and get my goddamn money. Wynn Duffy. Hey, you've got a damn good lawyer, Wynn, And I ought to know, because I'm a damn good lawyer. Wynn: I'll pass along the adulation. Are these the personal items from my motor coach? Vasquez: Yeah, I had to call in a lot of favors to get you transferred to federal custody. And now ... well, it seems now I got to let you go. Billie Jean King. Wynn: A pioneer. Vasquez: We took the liberty to freeze your bank accounts... Wynn: It's prescription. I have... sensitive gums. Vasquez: ...pending the results of the investigation. You're fully cleared, [i]should be able to get most of your assets off ice. Oh, look at this. You are an eagle scout. Wynn: It belonged to a dear friend. Vasquez: Mm. 'Course, KSP's gonna want to keep your winnebago a bit longer, but if you want that, you can stick around for another week or two. Wynn: That they can have. Vasquez: Bad memories? Wynn: Raylan Givens, Boyd Crowder, and Avery Markham are soon to converge, Mr. Vasquez. Like the aligning of the planets if those planets carried guns and hated my guts. I don't ever plan on returning to Kentucky. May I? Vasquez: I just have one last question. You know, for me. Off the record. Wynn: Sounds sexy. Vasquez: You know, I have a-a stack of files this tall. Sits on my desk. It's got all kinds of witness interrogation and, um, surveillance records and info from snitches about who killed Simon Poole 14 years ago. And it all adds up to... jack sh1t. So I just want to know, between you and me, who really did it? Who killed my boss? Wynn: Between you and me, Mr. Vasquez, I really and truly don't know. Woman: Air unit East to Evarts. Possible fugitive sighting. Please confirm. Over. Man: Copy. Which fugitive? Over. Woman: Uh, Boyd Crowder ... possibly in police uniform. Considered armed. Stolen police vehicle recovered. Possible hostage situation. Zachariah: God damn. [Ava chuckles nervously] Oh, god... Of course. Of course! [laughing] Zachariah: What the hell you laughing about? Ava: It's a joke. Don't you get it? We're dead! Zachariah: No, we got to do something. Ava: We're gonna run. Hell yeah! Let's run! You know your way around this goddamn mountain, little girl? 'Cause I sure as hell don't. Ava: Forget about the mountain. We got to go back down! We got to ... we got to ... I don't know ... find one of them abandoned houses and ... and hide out. Zachariah: Federals kicking in every goddamn door, dogs running around, sniffing around, they'd find us in no time. Ava: You got a better idea? Else we're dead. Zachariah: Yeah, I got an idea. We're gonna sit right here, we're gonna wait. And when he shows up, we're gonna kill him. The end. Ava: That's not gonna be our end. 'Cause staying here is suicide. Boyd: I'm gonna need you for a little while longer. I'd rather take your time than take your truck. Hagan: You can have her. Boyd: Yeah, well, I don't want her. I'm just looking to get from point "A" to point "B." Look, Mr. Crowder, I done helped you out. I gave you my son's clothes. Boyd: You know my name. You know what I done. God damn right I know your name. And which time you talking about? Well, I do have a rather long résumé. Hagan: Yes, sir. They put out your greatest hits, it'd be a double album. Boyd: sh1t. Double live, man, from Japan. Hagan: Hell yeah. All killer, no filler. Boyd: [laughs] Hagan: Konnichiwa, bitches. sh1t. You nearest thing we got to Billy the Kid around here. Boyd: Well, I don't know about all that. Hagan: sh1t, son, you're smart. Articulate, strong. The way you look, the way you talk, ain't nobody expect nothing from you. Then you unleash, and they cannot deny. [clicks tongue] It ain't too much to call you a hero. Well, if you insist. Hagan: Go on. Be proud to give the outlaw Boyd Crowder my truck. [keys jingle] Boyd: Thing is, they're looking for me. They ain't looking for you. So I'm gonna need you to drive. Derrick: Man, this sucks. Loretta: I ain't paying you to whine. Derrick: Yeah? And I didn't come for the money. Well [chuckles]... not just the money. Loretta: Look, I got people maybe out to kill me, Derrick. You came just to get back together, you're a damn fool. Derrick: Loretta... [clank] ...why you got to be talking ... [man groans] Got him. Loretta: Hold up. I can't see. Derrick: Here, let me look. [door opens] Boon: Hey, Loretta. I been looking everywhere for you. You know, one way in and out of this place ... I snap one of your traps, and you both take your eyes off the door? You're a smart girl, but I got a thing or two to teach you yet. I reckon I could see you both better if you stepped out this way. Yes, you, son. Come on, now. Giddyup. [clicks tongue] Now, how about you put down them toys? I'm not here to start a ruckus. Who the hell are you? Derrick: Just her boyfriend. Boon: Oh, yeah? You want to save your girlfriend? Loretta: He ain't my boyfriend. Boon: Loretta, girl, a boy doesn't become a man until he can make his own decisions. You want to raise up that gun, try and shoot me? Or you afraid I'm too fast? [gun cocks] I am, by the way. [gun clicks] Good news ... Jenny here, you got to leave her firing chamber empty, avoid an accidental discharge. Bad news ... her chamber's full of promise now. How about we try that again, huh? You not having to clear that holster, boy, that fast approaches a fair... [gunshot] [thud] Derrick: [groaning and panting] Boon: Aw, sh1t. He's still kicking. Derrick: [coughs] Boon: That's the risk you run going for a head shot, Loretta. Derrick: [crying] Boon: Well, I figure... you never know when one of these pussies are wearing kevlar, right? Always go for the brain. Best bet. Derrick: [panting] [coughing] [groaning] Boon: Don't worry. I'll forgive you. Vasquez: Where is she? Where's Art? Who's running this sh1t show? Where is everybody? Nelson: Gee, I don't know. The manhunts? Plural? Vasquez: And they left you to what? Do your nails? Nelson: Well, if it's any of your business, Vasquez, I'm coordinating. Vasquez: Oh, well, that's fantastic. Maybe you can coordinate an explanation for this bullshit bulletin. Nelson: Chief called it in. Looks pretty serious. Vasquez: You were saying? Nelson: Having a bad day, David? Vasquez: Yeah. Nelson: Hey, Tim, maybe you can help out ... Tim: Dude, I just came in. Nelson: He's asking about the bulletin. Tim: [sighs] Well... when a marshal's life is in danger, we put out a bulletin saying so. Hoping a fellow L.E.O. will bring him into protective custody. Vasquez: You think I don't know that Givens has gone rogue and that you're closing ranks to avoid a P.R. nightmare? You and everybody in this office is gonna be writing thank-you notes to Art Mullen from the federal penitentiary. Tim: Your attitude is not helpful. Vasquez: Open your ears! Tim: So negative. We're not talking about a write-up. Everybody in here is an accessory to ... to a $10 million heist! Aiding and abetting a fugitive! Vasquez: Never mind. There's no point. [dialing] Vasquez: Get me S.A.C., uh, Les Levay at the FBI. Art: Mullen. Tim: Oh, hey, Art. What's up? Art: Hold on. You're breaking up. See if I can get a signal. Uh, say that again. Tim: Oh, hey, Art. What's up? Art: Oh, you know, scouring the countryside for a dumbass. You? Tim: Well, I just had Vasquez pissing in my ear about the bulletin. So, it looks like we can't keep the whole "Raylan Givens gone rogue" thing in-house. Art: Well, he sniffed that out sooner than I'd thought. I think he just trashed Nelson's desk, too. Art: Well, how'd you leave it? Tim: Well, he's on the phone now. Vasquez: Yeah, I'm gonna need a bolo issued for Raylan Givens. Tim: Fact, I just heard him tell the FBI ballsack to issue a bolo. Art: Well, sh1t! Tim: Wait one. Vasquez: The plan is as soon as I get him, I'm gonna indict him. Tim: I just heard him say he wants Raylan indicted. Art: Double sh1t. Bob: Raylan, if you get this, just letting you know I heard the FBI bolo for you on the scanner. I know you're in trouble, and I'm ... I'm on my way. [SCENE_BREAK] [garage door squeaking] [gasps] Raylan, d-d-did you steal my Crown Vic? D... sh1t! [sighs] [music] [grunts] All right, where are you? Aw, there you are. I'm coming for you, Raylan. [music] Raylan: You ain't Boyd. Zachariah: Neither are you. Appreciate you not shooting me. Raylan: Likewise. Zachariah: Seen the crown of your hat through the window. Boyd don't wear no hat. Raylan: Where's Ava? Ava: [panting] If you get this, call this number. [panting] You better make it fast, though. I'm running out of time. [panting] Wynn: I need a vehicle, a gun, and two passports. I want the vehicle to have a compartment, well-hidden, and I mean top-shelf hidden, not some 20-year-old Astro with a false bottom. Lorna: How much space you need? Wynn: Enough room for two or three very large duffel bags. Lorna: Your guy coming, too? Wynn: No, Mikey's not gonna make it. You know what'd be great? One of those dog-grooming vans. Mobile dog groomers use them. Lorna: We can paint one up like that, sure. Wynn: No. A used one. Lorna: It's not easy. [sighs] Wynn: By tomorrow. Triple what you paid last time. Wynn: Fine. Lorna: Up front. Wynn: [sighs] Keep the change. Lorna: Anything else? Wynn: Yeah, actually... a topographical map of Harlan County would be great. Raylan: Do you not see how we want the same thing? Zachariah: That may be true. But if Boyd ain't been here yet, why you going off looking for Ava? Why don't you just stay here, and we'll take that son of a bitch together? Raylan: We don't know for sure if he's coming. He's only coming if he thinks she's here! Zachariah: And he does think she's here! Raylan: But if he don't, if he somehow gets wind of her... before I get to him. I hear what you're saying, but I'm sticking here for the fight. Raylan: Well, I'm taking the fight to him. Now, where is she? Zachariah: I don't know. Maybe she slipped through cranks gap by now. She might be halfway to Jonesville ... maybe Ewing. I don't know. Who she knows in Virginia? Did you set her up? I don't know nobody in Virginia. I don't know where she is, and she didn't tell me. So I can't spill my guts in case you plan on roughing me up again. Raylan: You're a waste of space. You're of no help. Zachariah: Let me tell you something, you son of a bitch! You ain't no better than Boyd! God damn you! The way the two you just scrambled that poor girl's brains! Pull her this way and that way. You used her, god damn you! Ain't no wonder why she burnt the two of you and lit out on her own. Raylan: I'm trying to protect her. Zachariah: Yeah, that may be part of the story, but I bet that ain't the whole goddamn story. Raylan: Yeah, you're goddamn right. Where's the money? Zachariah: [scoffs] Raylan: Where is it? It ain't here. It had to weigh a ton. No way she drug it up and over. She went down. Zachariah: She's gone. Raylan: Not as long as I'm looking. Ava: [panting] [grunts] Oh, god. Bob: Ava Crowder... Ava: Aah! Bob: Step away from the car. Ava: [panting] Bob: Step away from my Crown Vic. Take that backpack off. Slow. Ava: [breathing heavily] Bob: And, hey, don't reach in. No, put it on the ground! On the ground! Ava, don't test me. All right, now get down on your knees. On your knees. [sighs] Sorry if that ... that sounds untoward. Holy sh1t! Holy sh1t. Where ... Where's Raylan? Ava: I don't know. Bob: Did you kill him? Ava: What? No! Bob: Ava, you're a fugitive from the law. I know you shot your fiancé and I know that Raylan took my Crown Vic. And I tracked it up here. Now, for the last time ... Ava: The answer to the question is "no!" I ain't even seen him. Bob: I hope for your sake, and for the sake of the Commonwealth of Kentucky that you are telling the truth. Now... lace your fingers behind your head. Behind your head! Okay. Let's get up slowly. Come on. There you go. Walk this way with me. And I'm quick with this gun, case you're getting squirrely. You got that? Ava: Bob, you know there's a lot more money where that came from, don't you? I mean ... Bob: I'm gonna take mercy on you. I'm not gonna "attempting to bribe an officer of the law" to your long list of offenses. And before you try to seduce me, just know it's been tried before. All right, now, get yourself in the Gremlin there. Open the door. Open the door. All right. Sit yourself down. And when Raylan comes back with my keys, we're gonna make the change, and it's nice in there. I got an air freshener smells like a mocha latte. [engine shuts off] Ava: You hear that? Bob: Uh, no, I di... Yes, I did. Ava: It's Boyd. Bob: Ava, that could be anybody, okay? I want you to calm down, all right? Just calm down. Just sit down for a sec. Ava: Listen to me. Please. He's gonna kill us! Hagan: Cold out here. Can feel it. Boyd: Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing. [exhales slowly] Hagan: I appreciate the lie, Mr. Crowder. But we both know what you was thinking. Loose end and all. Boyd: You know my mind? Now, maybe I was gonna take your keys, let you walk. Hagan: [scoffs] So you could shoot me in the back? You're gonna have to look me in the eye, you pull that trigger. Nah, I knew the minute you stepped in my cab I was gonna be staring down the black hole of your gun ... cut me down like the plague you are. Boyd: Well, I got to say, you did do a pretty good job ... all that smoke you were blowing up my ass. Hagan: Ain't no smoke. But I will say this. Stories of outlaw legends, they ain't passed down by the families of the murdered. Well, I don't give a sh1t about "the Ballad of Boyd Crowder." I'll be dead and gone when that song gets sung. [exhales slowly] Hagan: Old boy by the name of Hut McKean mean anything to you? Boyd: Let me guess ... I killed him, my men killed him, my dope killed him, or my daddy killed him? Next thing that comes out of your mouth is, "how do you sleep at night, Boyd Crowder?" Well, do you know how? 'Cause I know who I am. Do you? You're a slave, disenfranchised ... don't even know it. You drive your shitty truck to your shitty house, live out your shitty life. You think you're better than me 'cause you play by the rules? Whose rules? My life is my own. Hagan: You ain't even heard a word I said. Boyd: I don't give a sh1t about what you said. I'm an outlaw. [gunshots] Bob: Stay here. Don't make any noise. Ava: No! No, no! Bob! Bob! You can't leave me here like this! [sighs] [gunshots] [gasps] [grunting] [grunts] [breathing heavily] [music] Raylan: [panting] [gunshot] Boyd: Ah. Aah. God damn, Raylan! How you know I wasn't some boy scout looking for his tent?! Raylan: Your teeth glow in the dark. Boyd: You shot unprovoked. How am I supposed to take that? Raylan: As me aiming to kill you. Boyd: [breathing heavily] Well, it's only getting colder. So what say the next time the moon peeks out from behind those clouds, we show it down? Raylan: Now you're talking. Boyd: Only problem is, Raylan, I don't know where you are. Raylan: I don't know where I'm either. Boyd: Why you want to kill me so bad, Raylan? You don't even know why. "Boyd Crowder must die!" That's just the lie you tell yourself, wanting to win. Raylan: You are the world-conquering emperor of lies, the biggest reserved for yourself. Boyd: Just say it, Raylan. "I want to win!" Raylan: [chuckles] How about, "I want the money"? sh1t. You want to kill her, Boyd. You want to kill the woman who stole your money, shot you, and left you for dead. Boyd: You don't know what's in my heart. Raylan: What heart? Boyd: You don't know what's in your own heart. You've given up everything you are so that you could murder me. Raylan: I cross the line with my eyes wide open. Boyd: [grunts] Well, whose eyes you gonna see when you kill me, Raylan? Your daddy's? Raylan: Not anymore. Boyd: Your baby girl's? Imagine the look on her face the day she realizes, "my daddy spent his whole life trying to walk the line and failed." Raylan: She'll live her life the way everybody does ... on her own. Boyd: Are you sure you don't want me to kill you, Raylan, keep you a hero? That makes for a hell of a bedtime story. [grunts] Raylan: This is the only story here tonight. [shout in distance] Help! Boyd: You don't think that's Bob, do you? Raylan: Why would that be Bob? Boyd: Well, I shot him a couple times down at the trail head. I think he might still be alive. You ought to go run down there and see if you can't help him. Raylan: Bob can take care of himself. Boyd: Well, hell, Raylan. Then I have already won. [siren wailing] [tires screech] Crosley: Stop! [gunshot] Ava: Aah! [breathing shakily] Crosley: Get down on the ground. Ava: All right, all right, all right! Crosley: Get on the ground! Birch: Holy sh1t! There's a shitload of money in here. Ava: You take me in, you're gonna have to hand that over. You let me go, you can have it. Crosley: [chuckles] I do not know what Mr. Markham has got planned for you... Ava: Wait. ...but I don't want him to do it to me. Ava: Markham? You're taking me to see Markham? Crosley: Get up. [grunts] Get up, you pussy. [car door closes] [car alarm chirps] Markham: What the hell is this? Boon: Yeah, he tried to pull on me. Markham: You just gonna let him lay there and bleed? Boon: Was I supposed to take him to the hospital? Markham: Hope he wasn't someone dear to you. Loretta: Just someone I paid to watch my back. Markham: Money not well spent, I'd say. Loretta: Well, slim pickings, way you're running roughshod over this county. Markham: Trying to flatter me, girl? Loretta: Just wondering what you want from me is all. Reason I had Boon come looking for you is Ava Crowder stole my money. Stole it from the man who stole it from me. That man being your new business partner Boyd. Loretta: This is the first I'm hearing of it. Markham: I was thinking the two of you being so close, you might have some idea where Ava ran off to. Even entered my mind that maybe you two ladies conspired together. Loretta: Like I said, first I'm hearing about it. Markham: I believe you. Couple of deputies I became friends with called me on the way over. They picked up Ava Crowder. Bringing her to me directly. Loretta: Suppose you won't be needing me anymore, then. Markham: If that's the case, I'll just kill you right now. But I'm gonna give you 30 seconds to change my mind. Tell me why I shouldn't kill you, Loretta McCready. Loretta: You can kill me. Go right ahead. Buy all this land I've acquired at auction like you have with others. But bear in mind the time that may take and the unexpected costs it may incur. What I can offer you at this juncture is a partnership. Immediate access not only to my land, but also my growing expertise. Sure, you've got boys like Boon over here know plenty about watching over land, but none of them were raised around these buds like I was. Add to that my ties to Harlan County. Say weed don't get legalized like we think. Well... I can tell you who among those criminal elements you can trust. A partnership with me will tell those same folks that they can trust you. Markham: First time I saw you, I liked you. Didn't much care for what you did at the Pizza Portal, but I saw something in you reminded me of Katherine little bit. More than that, reminded me of Mags Bennett. I could use a Harlan girl in my fold. Besides, I think old Boon here is sweet on you. Raylan: Bob? Oh, jeez... Bob: Raylan. Raylan. [muttering] [grunts] Raylan: Jesus Christ, Bob. [grunts] Bob: Just keep applying pressure, Raylan. Keep ... Raylan: I know, Bob. ... to the point of impact to stanch the flow of blood. Raylan: Hey, just keep that pad pressed up against your gut, Bob. Bob: I am, okay? I just... [stammers] Just ask me anything ... trivia. "W-What ... What was Indiana Jones' archenemy?" Just ask me. Ask me. Raylan: Bob, just breathe, buddy. Just breathe. Bob. Bob! Raylan: sh1t. [cellphone beeps, ringing] I got an officer shot. At least two in him... gut and shoulder. Bob: The monkey's dead. Don't eat the ... Raylan: Hang in there, Bob. Bob: They call him Belosh. Raylan: A-A-And link up to U.S. Marshals' task force. Tell 'em I know where Boyd Crowder is. [insects chirping] [leaves rustle] [footsteps approaching] [gunshot] Zachariah: [grunts] Son of a bitch! You goddamn ... Boyd: Where is she? Zachariah: She ain't here! Boyd: Ava? [laughs] Ava?! Zachariah: Boyd Crowder.[/i] Bo Crowder. Bowman Crowder. Y'all part of the same big, old pile of sh1t! Like to beat on the weak ones, don't you, you son of a bitch? [grunts] Boyd: I know you think you're protecting her, but you ain't. Now, you want to protect her? You need to get me to that money before I get to her. Zachariah: I'd sooner die than give you anything you want. But I do got something for you you don't want. Go to hell, Crowder. Boyd: [grunts] [grunts] [panting] [tires screech] [engine shuts off] [music] [police radio chatter] Raylan: Come on. Let's go. Bob: [grunts] Raylan: [grunts] Okay. Lappicola: Raylan Givens? Raylan: I don't suppose you'd believe me if I said "no."
doc_153	FLASH IN. [VARIOUS EXT. LAST VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] CUE SONG: "Mad World", Gary Jules [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CLUB -- NIGHT] (Men and women drink. One man smiles as he's flanked by two women - one woman busy kissing his neck.) (Across the room, a blonde-haired woman stares worriedly at her cell phone.) [EXT. STRIP - NIGHT] (Outside, a limo passes by. In the back seat of a car, a young Vietnamese man sits and watches the limo pass by. His face is bruised and there are tears staining his cheeks.) (The cab he's sitting in drives away.) [INT. TAXI POV] (The young man looks out the windows as the taxicab drives around the strip. The bright lights from passing motels and other establishments reflect back through the rolled-up window.) (The taxi driver's sweating.) (The young man in the back seat glances over at the taxi driver.) [START: SPLIT SCREEN] (Top half: [INT. CASINO] The man from the bar leaves with two women.) (Bottom half: [TAXI CAB] The taxi stops and parks. The driver engages the brakes and sees the young man leave.) Taxi Driver: Hey! Where's my money? (The young man turns around and yells back to the taxi driver.) Young Man: You wait here! (Top half: Cameras flash as photographers snap photos of the man walking through the casino; several women follow him.) (A young woman in red snaps a picture of the man walking by. He notices her and turns back to look at her as he passes.) Man: You want to come with us? (A man standing in the back glares at the man walking by.) (Bottom half: The taxi driver waits. The fare changes from 7.20 to 7.40. The taxi driver continues to wait.) (Top half: The blonde-girl in red turns to her friend standing next to her.) Tally Jordan (woman in red): Oh, my God. Come on. (The two head out, following the man.) (Bottom half: The taxi driver takes out his log and writes in it: 270 7888 OAKEY ST.) (Top half: The party has moved outside to the pool.) (Bottom half: The taxi driver continues to wait. The fare changes from 8.00 to (Top half: The blonde-haired woman in red and her friend are now sitting on either side of the famous dark-haired man. He pays her special attention. (Bottom half: The taxi driver continues to wait. The fare changes form 8.20 to FLASH CUT TO WHITE: END OF SPLIT SCREEN Cue Sound: GUNSHOT FADE IN FROM WHITE [EXT. 7888 OAKEY STREET - NIGHT] (Police cars with their flashing lights are at the site. Officers mill about the area.) (Camera moves into the car and we notice the fare is now at 24.00. The taxi driver is slumped forward against the driver's wheel, his eyes closed. We note the blood coating the shirt covering his right shoulder.) (Sara turns on her flashlight and looks at the driver's wound.) Sara: Gunshot wound to the neck. No visible GSR. (She looks up and notices the visor. She flips it down and sees the money.) Sara: Money on the visor. It wasn't a robbery. (Grissom is looking in the back of the cab.) Grissom: Dirt clods on the floor mat look undisturbed. Could be from the last fare. I don't see any shell casings, though. Sara: Partition's closed. Bullet-proof glass. He was not shot from inside. (Grissom walks around the cab as Sara snaps photos of the dead body.) (He sees the bullet holes in the passenger door.) Grissom: Well, I got two bullet holes in the passenger door. Sara: That's a weird side of the car for a drive-by. Grissom: Maybe he wasn't shot here. Maybe he just ended up here. (Grissom looks around the area. He sees the detective talking with someone in uniform. Grissom calls out to him.) Grissom: Excuse me? (The man from the Transit Board looks up.) Grissom: Are you with the Transit Board? MTB Rep: Yeah. Grissom: Do you have the dispatch log? (He hands the log to Grissom. From what we can see, the log shows: 270 2549 LAS VEGAS --- 270 465 LEXINGTON 10:01 270 3900 LAS VEGAS 10:45 1040 270 2112 WESTERN BL. 11:01 420 270 4500 W. TROPICANA 11:30 780 270 20 FREMONT 12:10 980 270 7888 OAKEY ST. 12:55. {BLANK} ) (Grissom hands the log back.) Grissom: Thanks. (Grissom turns and leaves.) MTB Rep: Why's he leaving? (Sara takes a photo, then puts her camera down to answer the man's question.) Sara: Well, that's kind of what he does. (Sara leans forward into the cab and notices the camera.) Sara: Is this camera always on? MTB Rep: Only on HBO. It takes stills for ten seconds when the door opens, and then for the first ten seconds of the fare. Sara: We're gonna need the pictures. (Grissom is walking away from the site and dialing his cell phone.) Catherine: (from phone) This is Catherine. Grissom: (to phone) It's Gil. How you doing? Catherine: (from phone) I'm busy. Checking up on me? Grissom: (to phone) Why would I need to do that? Catherine: (from phone) You tell me. Grissom: (to phone) Look, I know you tend to get a little territorial about your crime scenes, and I don't want there to be any tension between us, so I'm giving you fair warning. (Grissom stops when he sees the tire treadmarks on the asphalt.) Catherine: (from phone) Fair warning for what? (cc) You're at 7888 Oakey Street. Am I right? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT] (Catherine is kneeling down next to a dead body in the parking lot.) Grissom: (from phone) Hi. (She looks up and sees Grissom. He smiles and waves his cell phone at her.) (Jaw dropped open, Catherine closes her cell phone.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. -- NIGHT] (Julian Harper's dead body rests against the cushions as Robbins takes his liver temperature. Warrick snaps photos of the body.) Robbins: Julian Harper. If it weren't for the cyanosis, I'd say he was doing a photo shoot for GQ. Warrick: Yeah, I'm sure he wasn't ready for this photo shoot. Robbins: Body temp's 95. (Warrick snaps more photos. Robbins glances at his watch.) Robbins: That would make TOD approximately 3:00 A.M. (Warrick snaps photos of the bedside table with a couple of champagne bottles, a hotel room VIP card key, a rolled-up bill and some white powder on the black tabletop.) Warrick: Well, there's plenty of drugs around here. You think he OD'd? (Robbins checks the victim's mouth and eyes.) Robbins: Yeah, no edema. Some petechia. Could be suffocation or strangulation. But no ligature marks or bruising. However ... (Camera zooms in for an extreme close-up of black fibers on the victim's neck.) Robbins: ... some fibers under the chin. (Robbins puts the sample in a bindle. Warrick continues snapping photos.) (Robbins takes a digital camera out.) Warrick: What are you doing? Robbins: It's for my scrapbook. I've got a perfect spot for him -- a place of honor between Tupac and Entwhistle. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MOTEL PARKING LOT -- NIGHT] (Close-up of the victim, his head in a pool of blood. Grissom and Catherine kneel down next to the body. Catherine snaps photos of the victim.) Grissom: The taxi's last drop-off was this address. This guy's got dirt on his shoes and pants. There was dirt in the cab. He's got to be the last fare. Catherine: So, somebody killed them both. And if it's about money, doesn't look like this guy has much. Grissom: Well, I guess it's relative. START: SPLIT SCREEN (Top screen: Robbins raises the digital camera to snap a photo of Julian Harper.) (Bottom screen: Catherine raises her camera to snap a photo of the victim.) Grissom: It depends on who you are. WHITE CAMERA FLASH TO: END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MOTEL PARKING LOT -- NIGHT] (Catherine checks out the victim's identification.) Willows: Samay ... Samay Thao. 15527 East Charleston Road. That's a long way from here. (Grissom notes the wounds on the victim's chest.) Grissom: I count six shots in his chest. There were two in the cab, one in the cabbie. If the math is correct, that's nine. Catherine: Suggests semi-automatic, but I don't see any shell casings here. Grissom: Yeah, there were none in the taxi, either. Catherine: Killer could have picked them up. Grissom: To shoot a guy six times in the torso, you either have to be very close, or a hell of a shot. David Phillips: It's okay if I roll him? Grissom: Yeah. (David rolls the body onto its side and pushes up the shirt as Catherine snaps more photos of the victim's wounds.) David Phillips: Well, no through-and-throughs. We should be able to recover some bullets from the body. Grissom: Hang on. (points) What do you make of that? (He points to the markings on the victim's bloodstained shirt.) David Phillips: Looks like he rubbed up against something. (Catherine looks around.) Catherine: Could be transfer from that railing. There's some paint flaked off of that railing. (Grissom turns and looks at the railing on the second floor.) (Quick flash of: Samay Thao is on the second floor. Someone uses a semi-automatic weapon and shoots Samay Thao. The impact form the bullets pushes him up and over the railing.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) (Grissom and Catherine make their way down the second floor hallway. Grissom checks the concrete floor along the way and finds a lot of blood spatter.) Grissom: We got blood drops. (Catherine looks over at the metal gate. Grissom looks down over the railing at the body below.) (Catherine sees metal cut.) Catherine: Gil. This looks fresh. Grissom: Hey, Brass? SHORT CUT TO: (An officer kicks the door in and rushes into the apartment. A second officer and Brass follow. A man sitting on the floor starts shouting in Laotian.) Brass: Las Vegas Police! Put the gun down! Keo Vipraxay: (shouting in Laotian) Brass: (firmly) Put the gun down! (softer) Put it down. (The man puts the gun down. Immediately, officers push him to the floor and handcuff his hands behind his back.) Keo Vipraxay: (shouting in Laotian) (then, in English) I shoot ... burglar! [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. PALMS HOTEL - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT] (Nick and Warrick stand at the base of the bed looking down at the body as they both put on a pair of gloves.) Nick: Julian Harper. (Warrick nods.) Nick: Wasn't he supposed to be like, uh ... (very quietly) the next Brad Pitt or something? Warrick: Yeah. Now he's the next River Phoenix. (Warrick turns as he looks around and walks into the next room where Sofia Curtis is interviewing Gerald, also known as "Blinky". He stops and stands next to her.) Sofia Curtis: All right, Gerald. Blinky (Gerald Allison): Uh, they call me Blinky. Sofia Curtis: And what was your relation to Julian Harper? Blinky (Gerald Allison): Best friends since kindergarten. Now I work for him. Sofia Curtis: What did you do for him? Blinky (Gerald Allison): Pretty much everything. You know, bought his stuff, hooked him up. Drove him to meetings. Warrick: Did you find the body? Blinky (Gerald Allison): I ordered room service. I wanted to see if he was hungry. Boom, there he was. Warrick: Did you touch or move the body in any way? Blinky (Gerald Allison): Uh, no way. No. I watch those murder shows, you know? I know to just keep my hands to myself, and, uh, call the cops. Sofia Curtis: What is with the robe? (Warrick looks at the officer standing nearby.) Warrick: Did you pat him down? Officer: He's packing a small, friendly weapon. Warrick: Would you mind standing up for us, sir? Blinky (Gerald Allison): Nah, bro, I-I-I ... kind of got the angle of the dangle going. The boing, boing, boing. Sofia Curtis: Stand up. (Uncomfortable and awkward, Blinky stands up.) Blinky (Gerald Allison): I, uh, took a Prevalis on the plane over. I been pitching a tent for, like, eight hours. Yeah, I-I think I need to consult a physician. Sofia Curtis: It's called a priapism. Just in case you were wondering. Warrick: What else are you on, man? Blinky (Gerald Allison): Oh, uh, nothing. I mean, uh, I smoked a little herb at the club, but that's it. Warrick: What about Julian? Blinky (Gerald Allison): Oh, Jules? Oh, no, he, uh ... he won't even take aspirin. You know, he's organic. You know, treats his body like a temple. Sofia Curtis: Well, we're gonna need a list of everyone who was here worshipping the temple. (She hands him her notebook and pen.) Blinky (Gerald Allison): Can I sit down? Sofia Curtis: Yeah. (In the background, we hear the shower water running.) Warrick: Did someone turn a shower on or something? Sofia Curtis: You cleared that room, right? (The officer takes out his gun and heads for the bathroom.) (Warrick and Sofia both follow. They both draw their weapons as they head into the bathroom.) (In the shower, a young woman in her underwear is on the floor in a fetal position.) Warrick: Hey! Are you okay? (Warrick tries to help her sit up. She immediately throws up.) Sofia Curtis: (calls out) Hey! We need a medic! (The young woman continues throwing up.) Warrick: And a bag for stomach contents. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MOTEL - HALLWAY OUTSIDE APARTMENT -- NIGHT] (The officer escorts Keo Vipraxay out of the room. They head downstairs past Catherine and Grissom. Brass steps out of the room.) Brass: His name is Keo Vipraxay. He barely speaks English. He's south Asian, I think. Anyway, it's all clear. Catherine: Thanks, Jim. (Grissom and Catherine enter the room.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [EXT. MOTEL - APARTMENT -- NIGHT] (Catherine looks at the end of the shot.) Catherine: Double *** buck. Standard shot is nine pellets. Grissom: That would account for all the hits. Catherine: So you're saying that a single shotgun blast, through a security door, took out two separate victims in two separate locations? Grissom: Weird, huh? (Quick flash of: [NIGHT] The cab pulls up.) Grissom: (V.O.) The cab drops Samay Thao in front of this building. (Cut to: The cab door slams shut and Samay Thao heads toward the building.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) (Grissom stands in front of the door as Catherine turns the laser on through the small hole cut in the wire door. A red dot appears on Grissom's chest.) Grissom: And the position of the blood drops gives us a pretty good idea of where Samay was standing when he was shot. He was a little shorter than me. (Catherine adjusts the laser light.) Catherine: Shots were centered on his chest, about there. (Quick CGI visual image: A blue light visualization of Samay Thao stands outside the door near the railing. He's shot and the image vanishes, leaving just the red laser pointing in the direction of the shot.) Grissom: My guess is, the cab was parked down there. (Grissom points behind him.) (Quick CGI visual image: A blue light visualization of the taxicab down on the parking lot. A gunshot fires and the taxi takes off.) Grissom: The driver peeled out when he got shot. (End of CGI visual image. Resume to present.) (Catherine takes out a measuring device and places it on the laser.) Catherine: Vertical deflection down to the cab is roughly 60 degrees. Standard shot won't spread that far. Grissom: The pellets must have come through the screen. (Quick flash of: Keo Vipraxay raises the gun and fires. The pellets go through the screen, then hit Samay Thao in the chest. Some of the pellets miss him and go on to hit the taxi driver.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Grissom: The old billiard ball effect. Catherine: The cab driver was collateral damage. Catherine: Okay, but the man with the shotgun said he shot a burglar. What's here to steal? [START: SPLIT SCREEN] (Bottom half: Grissom looks around the room and notes the various items in the sparsely furnished room.) (Top half) [INT. PALMS HOTEL - HOTEL ROOM - DAY] (Nick puts on his protective eye gear and turns on the ALS.) Nick: Semen on the bed sheets, as well as every other flat surface in here. Warrick: (chuckles) Yeah. I've got vodka, champagne, cocaine ... Nick: Hey, hey. Pantyhose. [END: SPLIT SCREEN] (Nick picks up the pantyhose. Warrick pushes the curtains aside and lets the light into the room.) (He looks at the glass windows.) Warrick: I've got some smudges over here. (Nick steps up to the window and looks at it. Warrick kneels down to look at the floor.) Warrick: I've got some footprints. (Warrick looks at the footprints and visualizes a body standing in front of the window. End visualization.) Warrick: I think someone was standing right there. Nick: Was this guy just doing it all over the hotel room? (Quick flash of: Julian Harper presses a woman flush up against the window glass as he kisses her neck. They're both laughing. End of flash.) Warrick: If those are his footprints ... where are hers? Nick: Or her feet were up ... in the air. You tell me -- you just had your honeymoon. Warrick: You want to swab this? (Warrick hands Nick a swab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BAR -- DAY] (Sofia Curtis interviews Eva, Julian's ex-wife, as she nurses her drink at the bar.) Eva: I just don't understand. I mean, who would want to kill Julian? I mean, he'd had some weird fan mail, but I don't think any of those kinds of people would be able to get in his suite. Sofia Curtis: Were you in his suite? Eva: The ex-wife isn't exactly the best person to have around when you're looking to get laid. Sofia Curtis: Was that your choice or his? Eva: It was mutual. I'm strictly his manager now. Sofia Curtis: So if you weren't in his suite, where did you go? Eva: I was taking care of business. Checked the boys in, made sure the suite was copasetic, had a drink at Skin, and played Pai Gow until hotel security came to get me. Sofia Curtis: So how did you get to be his manager? Eva: When I was with him, he was broke. Then after the divorce, I still ... did his laundry, paid his bills, read his scripts. After a while, I wanted to get paid. Now I get ten percent of everything. Look ... I need to make some calls. Julian's parents, the studio ... can we talk about this later? Sofia Curtis: Sure. But I need your prints and your DNA now. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins reports his findings to Warrick.) Robbins: Tox shows low levels of cocaine, alcohol and Prevalis. Rules out overdose. Warrick: Really? I guess he was just acting about the clean-living part. COD? Robbins: Asphyxia. Warrick: Asphyxiated how? Robbins: I don't know. No broken hyoid. That and the absence of ligature marks or bruises makes strangulation unlikely. Warrick: Did you find any fibers in his nose or mouth? Robbins: Nope. Warrick: That doesn't rule out suffocation. Killer could have used something that didn't shed fibers. Robbins: Or maybe they came from whoever he was rolling around with in bed. Found, uh, lubricant on his genitals, probably from a condom, and minor abrasions on his pen1s, indicative of vigorous, prolonged activity. Warrick: sx, drugs and movies: the American Dream. Robbins: Mm-hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERICAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [CGI EFFECTS: STOMACH CONTENTS DRAINED] [INT. HOSPITAL ROOM -- DAY] (Warrick and Sofia Curtis interview Kate, the young woman found in Julian Harper's bathroom shower.) Warrick: Your stomach contents contain alcohol and traces of Triazolam. Katie: Try-as-a-what? Warrick: It's a sleeping pill, has you reading the inside of your eyelids for a week. Katie: I didn't take any pills. Warrick: We also found cocaine in your bloodstream. I guess you didn't take that, either? (She shrugs and rolls her eyes.) Katie: So I did a couple of lines, but I didn't take any pills. If I was gonna take a pill, I would've popped e or a perc. Sofia Curtis: Miss Villa, we found you in Julian Harper's suite. Were you ever in his bedroom? Katie: (shrugs) Who knows? I don't even know how I ended up in Blinky's room. (groans) Oh, my ... I swear, if that guy slipped me something ... Sofia Curtis: Tell us what you do remember. Katie: Um ... me and my girls were at Skin, and, uh ... Blinky came over and said he was partying with Julian Harper. (Quick flash of: Julian Harper and the woman in red are in the pimpy booth kissing.) Katie: (V.O.) And he said they had this pimpy booth, so we went over. It didn't turn out the way I hoped. (Kate turns around and sees them. Blinky is sitting next to her and offers her a drink. She reaches for the drink.) (End of flash.) Katie: And the next thing I know, Blinky's on top of me. Sofia Curtis: We could assist you in reporting a date rape. (She shakes her head.) Katie: Thanks, but no. Warrick: It's not an offer, it's our job. Katie: There's this Stuff Magazine party at Ghost Bar tonight. I'm not gonna make it harder for me to get in because I tattled on Julian Harper's best friend. I mean, if I run into them tonight ... Warrick: Julian Harper will not be there. Katie: Trust me, he will. Warrick: The coroner finished the autopsy early this morning. Katie: He's dead? Sofia Curtis: Yeah. Katie: I was in Julian Harper's suite when he died? You're kidding me, right? Sofia Curtis: And being in his suite makes you a suspect. Katie: I am? Warrick: Yes. So we're going to need to take a sample of your DNA. Katie: Oh, man. (She thinks about it and starts to smile.) Katie: I am so getting into that party tonight for sure. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. - DAY] (Sara interviews a convenience store owner.) Store Owner: Yeah, I remember that guy. He's, like, Chinese or something, real spun out. Sara: He was on meth? Store Owner: Well, he was on something. He was acting all shady. Downed a bottle of soda before he even paid for it. Sara: And that's how you knew he was on something? Store Owner: There ain't nothin' out here. People here act messed up because they are messed up. Sara: The Metro Transit Board said that he caught a Sunstar taxi from this address. Store Owner: I called it for him. Anything to get that tweaker out of here. Sara: Any idea how he got here in the first place? Store Owner: All I saw him do was walk through the door. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins shares his findings with Catherine.) Robbins: Samay Thao. I don't even need to open him up to guess COD. (Robbins checks the victim's eyes.) Robbins: Ocular inflammation. Laceration of the sclera. Hurts like hell when you get a grain of sand in your eye. Imagine this. (He takes a piece of glass out from the victim's eye.) Robbins: Bad night for Laotians. Catherine: What other Laotians are having a bad night? (Cut to: Robbins pulls out one of the tables from the morgue.) Robbins: Solo traffic collision on Mount Charleston. Came in early this morning. Noy Vipraxay. Catherine: Vipraxay? Well, that's a hell of a coincidence. Robbins: Does it mean something to you? Catherine: Yeah, he's got the same last name as the guy who shot him. In fact, Grissom said that our vic over there caught a cab at a gas station near Mount Charleston. I'll have Auto Detail bring in his car. Robbins: Sounds like your double's becoming a triple. Catherine: Unless you got any more in your drawers? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - DAY] (Nick walks into the lab; Archie is standing in front of the computer.) Nick: Hey, Archie. See if you can help me out. There was a smear on the window at the hotel. It came back saliva. So I ran it through CODIS, got a hit--felony battery on this guy, Willie Angel. (Nick hands Archie a photo of Willie Angel.) Nick: Now, he's a Las Vegas resident, but he wasn't a registered guest at the hotel. He has no affiliation with Julian's little entourage whatsoever. Archie: I think I scoped this guy earlier. Nick: Really? Archie: Yeah. Nick: Do it up. (On the monitor in front of Archie, we see that he has the security video from the hotel elevator cued up. He goes through the video and finds Willie Angel.) Archie: Yeah, there he is. Nick: Mm-hmm. Archie: (chuckles) Looking dapper. All right. (He runs the tape and notes the time when Willie Angel steps off the elevator.) Archie: 12:31 A.M. Gets off on the high-roller floor. (He runs the tape and notes the time on ELEVATOR 3 CAM when Willie Angel steps back into the elevator - this time carrying a shopping bag with him.) Archie: Hey, 2:45 A.M. Nick: Shopping bags? There's no mall on that floor. He was shopping at Julian Harper's. Archie: Enough time to shop and kill. Nick: (sighs) The Palms issued two card keys -- one to Julian, and one to his boy Blinky. But the database shows ... one, two ... three keys were used to access the suite? Archie: Well, assuming the third card was Willie's. You can't just walk up to the front desk and pull the "I lost my key" scam on a VIP suite. Nick: So ... how'd Willie get it? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB - DAY] (Catherine walks into the lab and finds Hodges yawning.) Catherine: Hi. Hodges: (yawning) Sorry. I just started seeing someone. Had a bit of a late night. Let me ask you something. How do you know when it's gone from just friends to more than? Catherine: Well, if you have to ask, it's just friends. Hodges: She is making dinner for me this weekend. Catherine: Are you the only guest? Hodges: Do her roommates count? (Catherine doesn't say anything, but he catches her look. He turns reports.) Hodges: The splinter from your vic's eye has four distinct layers: polycarbonate plastic, aluminum, acrylic and dye. Being an audiophile, I prefer the sound of vinyl. Catherine: It's from a compact disc? Well, how did it end up in Samay Thao's eye? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (Catherine walks into the garage. Grissom is already there with a smashed-up car.) Catherine: Noy Vipraxay's car. Grissom: Easy for you to say. (Catherine reaches for a coat and puts it on.) Catherine: Find anything? Grissom: Take a look at this. Gravitational pooling directly under the steering wheel. (Inside the car, there's a large amount of blood on the steering wheel and a big pool of blood on the floor.) (Quick flash to: The car is at the bottom of the hill.) Catherine: (V.O.) The car was found at the bottom of a steep incline. (End of flash. Resume to present.) Catherine: So he was leaning over it when he bled out. Grissom: Except he wasn't. Take a look. See this? (He shines the flashlight on the crime scene photo he has out on the roof of the car. It shows Samay leaning against the driver's window.) Grissom: (cc) These were taken at the crash site. (audio) If he'd have bled out in the position he was found, there'd be blood on the door, not under the steering wheel. (He points to the door in the photo. Catherine turns and looks at the bloodless car door behind her.) Catherine: So someone moved the body? Grissom: There was plenty of mud at the scene, and Samay had mud on his pants. Now, maybe we can match soil samples. (Catherine looks at the CD player in the car.) Catherine: Hang on. (In the CD player is a broken CD. Catherine reaches in and removes the disk.) Catherine: Trace came back on the splinter that was in Samay's eye. It was a CD fragment. Samay was in this car. Sara: (o.s.) Hey, guys. (Sara walks into the garage. She's reading an open file folder.) Sara: I got work card hits off prints from the two dead Laotians and the shooter. Grissom: We already know their IDs. Sara: Well, did you already know that they all worked together? [SCENE_BREAK] [VARIOUS CUTS OF WORKERS AT A LAUNDRY BUSINESS] [INT. LAUNDRY BUSINESS -- DAY] (Brass interviews Joe Cavanaugh, the owner of the laundry business.) Brass: So Samay Thao worked for you? Joe Cavanaugh: Yeah, runs the dryers. Brass: When was the last time you saw him? Joe Cavanaugh: He's been off a couple days now. Brass: Did you know, uh, Noy or Keo Vipraxay? Joe Cavanaugh: Sure. They work here, too. Brass: They brothers or cousins, or what? Joe Cavanaugh: Brothers. Keo's older. I hear they got six more back in Laos. They work swing -- they're on at 4:00. Brass: Were they friends of Samay's? Joe Cavanaugh: No! No way. Keo and Noy are Lao Loum. They're lowlanders. Samay's Hmong; he's in the hills. They're born to hate each other. Some tribal crap. What kind of trouble are they in? Brass: The kind where you stop breathing. Noy's dead -- car accident. Samay's dead, too -- Keo shot him. (Joe Cavanaugh turns and sees one of the workers lighting a cigarette. He starts shouting to him in Lao.) Joe Cavanaugh: (shouts) (untranslated Lao) (The worker turns and quickly puts the cigarette out.) Joe Cavanaugh: (shouts) (untranslated Lao) (The worker goes back to work.) Brass: You speak Lao? Joe Cavanaugh: And Thai, Vietnamese, Tagalog. I pulled a stint straight out of high school. I got southeast Asia; lucky me. Brass: Yeah, I know how you feel. Joe Cavanaugh: Did Keo tell you what happened? I mean, his English isn't very good. (Brass looks at his watch.) Brass: No, we're, uh, we're still waiting on an interpreter. Joe Cavanaugh: If you need any help, you let me know. Brass: Yeah, maybe ... maybe I'll take you up on that. (The owner turns and walks away.) Joe Cavanaugh: (shouts) (untranslated Lao) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - KITCHENS / CASINO] (On one floor, the kitchen workers are busy cleaning the dishes. Camera continues upward. On the next floor, the chefs are busy preparing meals. Camera continues upward. On the floor above that is the casino main floor.) (Sofia Curtis walks up to Willie Angel, who is playing a slot machine. Nick and a couple of officers follow her.) Sofia Curtis: Willie Angel? (He doesn't answer her.) Sofia Curtis: You can't fool the eye in the sky, Willie. There's a lot of people looking for you. Willie Angel: Okay, you got me. What do you want? (She motions to the officer and they step closer to Willie, who stands up.) Willie Angel: Hey, what are you doing? (They start to search his pockets.) Willie Angel: Hey, you can't do that. (She holds out the warrant.) Sofia Curtis: Oh, this here says we can. (The officer finds in one pocket that Willie has a card reader. He hands it to Nick.) Nick: Ho-ho-ho! Slick Willie. Look out now. (Sofia reaches into Willie's other pocket and takes out a handful of cards.) Sofia Curtis: You collect card keys, Willie? Willie Angel: I won at those places. Sofia Curtis: Really? Willie Angel: I hang on to them for good luck. Nick: Well, I bet you're real lucky with this cheap magnetic stripe reader and palm top, huh? (to Sofia) You know you can get into most hotel rooms in the city with this thing? (Quick flash to: Willie stands in the casino behind one of the large machines and punches the information into the stripe reader. He swipes the card.) Nick: (V.O.) You take the old card key, you input the room number, a little magnetic encoding ... (Quick CGI POV: The machine puts the information on the new card.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Nick: ... and Bob's your uncle. [SCENE_BREAK] [FLASHBACK] (Willie swipes the card into the security lock. He opens the room door.) Nick: (V.O.) You used the card to open the door. You get into his suite and hide. (Willie hides behind the curtain, against the window.) Nick: (V.O.) Julian comes back - (cc) drops his wallet and takes off his watch - (audio) he falls asleep. (Willie steps out from his hiding place and starts picking up the things off the bedside table.) Nick: (V.O.) You rob him blind. (Julian Harper stirs.) Nick: (V.O.) But he wakes up. So it's kill him or go back to jail. (Julian Harper sits up in bed and sees Willie Angel.) Julian Harper: What the ... ? Who the hell are you? (End of flashback. Resume to present.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (With a hand to his forehead, Willie's eyes are closed.) Willie Angel: Stop, okay? Just stop. (He looks at Nick and Sofia sitting across the table from him.) Willie Angel: I was in his suite. And, yeah, I'm a thief. But I didn't kill anybody. Nick: You were in his suite for over two hours, man. That's more than enough time to snag a couple shopping bags. Willie Angel: 'Cause that sick, rich freak wasn't going to sleep. He was banging some blonde for, like, two hours. (Quick flash of: Willie is stuck in his hiding place while Julian and the blonde-haired woman are on the bed. He shakes his head. End of flash.) Willie Angel: Talk to her. Sofia Curtis: We're talking to you. Willie Angel: (sighs) I don't know what the hell they were doing, but when she left, he wasn't moving. I thought he was asleep. Then I saw the news this morning. If it's a killer you're looking for, talk to the girl in the red dress. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Brass interviews Keo Vipraxay.) Brass: We believe that Samay Thao killed your brother and tried to make it look like an accident. (He looks across the table at Joe Cavanaugh and nods. He starts translating.) Joe Cavanaugh: (in Lao) (untranslated) (When he's finished, he turns and looks at Brass.) Brass: Did you know about it? Joe Cavanaugh: (in Lao) (untranslated) Keo Vipraxay: (in Lao) (untranslated) (Brass watches Joe Cavanaugh translate.) Joe Cavanaugh: (in Lao) (untranslated) Keo Vipraxay: (in Lao) (untranslated) (He looks at Brass.) Keo Vipraxay: (in Lao) (untranslated) Joe Cavanaugh: He says he thought Samay was there to rob him. That's why he shot him. [SCENE_BREAK] [ELEVATOR 3 CAM] (At 12:56, Julian Harper is holding the woman in the red dress. Also in the elevator is Blinky with two other women. The elevator stops and everyone gets off the elevator) [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Camera pans out and we find Archie, Nick and Warrick going over the security camera footage.) Archie Johnson: The girl in the red dress gets off with Julian's entourage at (He shows footage of the girl in the red dress entering the elevator.) Archie Johnson: Then gets back on at 2:33. Nick: Certainly looks like she's been through something rough. (Archie sees something and smiles.) Archie Johnson: She forgot her pantyhose. (He enhances the focus on the girl's legs.) Nick: Good eyes. Archie Johnson: Great legs. Warrick: Been a while, Arch? Nick: Can you follow her out? Archie Johnson: Yeah. I just got this footage ... (Archie goes to work as Greg walks into the lab.) Greg: Hey, I heard you guys are having trouble with the Julian Harper case. Warrick: Who'd you hear that from? Greg: Ecklie. He's putting me on it. Nick: Man, you gotta quit kissing his ass. (Warrick chuckles.) Archie Johnson: All right, fellas, check this out. (Archie finds the footage of the casino floor and they watch as the girl in the red dress steps out of the elevator.) (Eva runs out of the elevator and catches up with the girl in the red dress.) Warrick: Okay, that's Julian's manager. (They watch as Eva puts some money in the girl's hand. Eva leaves.) Archie Johnson: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on. (Archie rewinds the footage. They watch as Eva takes some money out of her back pocket and gives it to the girl in the red dress.) (Archie enhances their hands.) Nick: That's got to be at least a few G's. Greg: She a hooker? Warrick: I don't know. I think she could be the killer. Nick: Solicitation murder? Manager pays to have her client whacked. (Archie follows the cameras and they watch as the girl in the red dress goes to the bag shop.) Archie Johnson: She went shopping. Warrick: Wait a minute. What kind of hired killer takes their payoff and goes to the mall? Archie Johnson: I don't know. (Archie fast-forwards, freezes and enhances the girl in the red dress as she fills out the form.) Archie Johnson: This one put herself on a mailing list. (reads) Tally Jordan. There's the phone number. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM 1] (Warrick interviews Tally Jordan.) Tally Jordan: You call my cell, I answer, and we talk. And then you guys show up and arrest me at the pool, in front of my friends. Is that fair? Warrick: You left Julian Harper's room at 2:33. A couple of minutes later, you're taking money from his manager. Tally Jordan: I'm not a prostitute. Warrick: Couple hours later, Julian's dead. Tally Jordan: Okay, this is crazy. I would never even think of killing Julian Harper. I've been a fan of his since he was doing cereal commercials. Warrick: Oh, so you stalked him? Is that it? And then you killed him? Tally Jordan: I'm in Vegas for a speech tournament - (off their skeptical look) -- Okay, a school-supervised trip. Does that mean that my school is stalking him, too? Warrick: Is the club Skin on your school schedule? Tally Jordan: When I found out that Julian was going to be in Vegas at the same time I was, I freaked. Okay, I wanted a look, an autograph, or a picture at most. And what I got was incredible. (Quick flash of: Tally turns and looks at the blonde-haired woman next to her.) Blonde Woman: Go for it. You're the one he wants. (Tally turns and kisses Julian Harper.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Tally Jordan: It was like I was in one of his movies. Until he kicked me out of bed and ... and then I get off the elevator, and there's his manager handing me a wad of money. (Camera swings over to the next interview room.) [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM 2] (Sofia interviews Eva.) Eva: I tip all the girls Julian's with. Sofia Curtis: So you're his pimp? Eva: It keeps them from running their mouths. It protects Julian's image. It's just a part of managing his career. [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM 1] Tally Jordan: I had sx with Julian because I wanted to. Warrick: But you took the money, and you bought a purse with it. (Warrick indicates the purse on the table in front of her.) [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM 2] Sofia Curtis: I had a conversation with Julian's lawyer. And he said you weren't only his ex-wife, you were about to be his ex-manager. That piss you off? Eva: His lawyers and his agents don't like me. They pressured him to drop me. But Julian and I are family. That wasn't going to happen. [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM 1] Tally Jordan: Eva said if anyone asked, Julian was a gentleman. Later he took me out and got me a Katherine Baumann purse. It's a much better story to tell my friends. [SCENE_BREAK] [CRIME SCENE PHOTOS] (Various photos of the two crime scenes.) Grissom: (o.s.) Samay and Noy go for a drive after work. (Quick flash to: [NIGHT] The car is parked.) Grissom: (V.O.) They stop at Mount Charleston. (The two men are talking in the car when Samay grabs Noy and smashes his head hard against the steering wheel several times.) Grissom: (V.O.) Samay kills Noy ... (Noy struggles and smashes the CD; a piece of it gets into Samay's eye. He groans with pain.) (He turns, grabs Noy and continues to smash his head against the steering wheel.) Grissom: (V.O.) ... and makes it look like an accident. (Cut to: [NIGHT] The car is off the steep hill.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) [INT. CSI - LAB] (Grissom, Catherine and Sara are looking at the photos from the various crime scenes.) Grissom: And then he goes to Keo's apartment and Keo shoots him, claiming self-defense. Catherine: I don't buy it. Keo shot him from the other side of a locked door. He was waiting to blow the guy away. Grissom: Which indicates that Keo knew Samay was coming. Sara: Maybe he hired Samay to kill his brother, and then he decided to cut him out of the deal. Noy had a life insurance policy issued through his union, worth ten grand. Catherine: Life's getting cheaper. Who's the beneficiary? Sara: Keo was the primary, but check this out. Half the payout goes to Joe Cavanaugh. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE] (Brass, Grissom and the interpreter review the tape of Joe Cavanaugh "interpreting" for Keo.) Joe Cavanaugh: (in Lao) (untranslated) Brass: He's not a court-approved translator. That's why I taped it. I just didn't tell him. Interpeter: So far, he's saying what you asked him. (The time/date stamp on the recording is: 5:33 PM (The interpreter translates.) Interpeter: "You must help me. That's why I'm here. Just tell them what they want to know." This is the part that's different. Keo Vipraxay: (in Lao) (untranslated) Interpeter: "There are many things I can tell him about you, so you tell him this: "Samay came to my home. I was afraid. I thought he was there to rob me or kill me. So I shot him." Brass: So our interpreter is hiding something. Grissom: Well, that's not lost in translation. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LAUNDRY BUSINESS] (The workers are busy. Brass walks through with a couple of officers. He heads for Joe Cavanaugh's office.) Brass: Mr. Cavanaugh, can you come out here, please? (Joe Cavanaugh stands up and steps out of the office.) Brass: We're going to have a private chat. Let's go. (One of the officers takes Cavanaugh by his arm and leads him back out the way they came.) (As he walks by, one of the workers takes out a cigarette and lights it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LAUNDRY BUSINESS - BASEMENT] (Brass talks with Joe Cavanaugh.) Brass: In the interview, remember Keo said, "There are many things I can tell them about you"? You didn't tell me that. You left that part out. Why? Joe Cavanaugh: I told you what he said. You're not arresting me because I screwed up my translation? Brass: You're a co-beneficiary of Noy Vipraxay's life insurance, right? Joe Cavanaugh: So what? I help my guys try to get a little security for their families. I help them in a lot of ways. Driver's licenses, green cards ... Brass: Oh, what, what? Out of the goodness of your heart? Come on, they have to come to you. Joe Cavanaugh: Without me, they're back in a rice paddy making three cents a day. Look, some of these guys put me on their policy. It's their way of saying "thank you." Brass: So when one of your guys kills another one of your guys, you make money out of it? We both know that insurance companies don't even investigate claims under ten grand. So you get a free pass. Joe Cavanaugh: You don't really think I'd have somebody killed for five grand? Brass: I've seen it done for a lot less. Joe Cavanaugh: That don't mean I did it. There's new casinos that open all the time. They all got laundries. I bring home 15 G's a month on the side. So I am not going to bend over a dollar to pick up a dime. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- DNA LAB] (Warrick and Nick walk into the DNA lab and up to Hodges who is looking through a scope.) Warrick: Hodges, do you have the results on the fibers that we dropped off to ... ? (Warrick stops as he gets a good look at Hodges, who is sleeping.) Warrick: Hodges? (Hodges doesn't move. Warrick looks at Nick.) Warrick: Dude. He's asleep. (Warrick and Nick both laugh.) Nick: (loudly) Let me guess! ... (Hodges is startled awake and sits up abruptly.) Nick: (normal voice) ... the fibers are wool. Are you bagging Z's right now, man? Hodges: I was just having the greatest dream. Warrick: You were out. Hodges: It was the '80s and I had this Don Johnson beard, you know, the Miami Vice stubble. It just gave me this air of danger. My lady loved it. (Warrick nods.) Um, I found two types of fibers on your guy's chin: cotton and a polyester-Lycra blend. Both dyed black. (He gets up and lets Nick have a seat at the scope for a look.) Warrick: Dyed black? The bedding might have been cotton, but it wasn't black. (Nick looks through the scope.) [SCOPE VIEW: BLACK FIBERS] (Warrick continues.) Warrick: The comforter and draperies may have been poly, but they weren't black, either. Nick: I bagged some black socks and some black pantyhose. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (Warrick is looking at the socks under a lit magnifying lamp.) Warrick: This could be the source of the fibers. He wasn't suffocated with his crew sock. (He drops the sock and picks up the pantyhose.) Warrick: (to Nick) Did you notice the burn mark on the knot in these pantyhose at the crime scene? Nick: No. No, they were all balled up. I just bagged them and tagged them. (Nick looks at the burned pantyhose under the magnifying lamp.) Nick: Oh, yeah. Yeah, we've got to get this to DNA. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- NIGHT] (Greg is back in the lab. Warrick and Nick are walking up to him from behind, both talking loud enough for him to hear.) Nick: I thought Greg was in the field. Is he back in the lab? Warrick: I don't know. Nick: We've got to clear this up. It's like he's confused. Lab, field, field, lab. We have a lab on wheels. Greg: How about you guys just shut up, all right? I'm doing this as a favor for Ecklie. It's a one-time thing. He's still interviewing lab techs. Warrick: You making overtime? Greg: I'm taking one for the team. Warrick: Mm-hmm. NICK: Mm-hmm. Warrick: Tell me about these pantyhose. Greg: Well, I found Tally's epithelials on the inside, which is no surprise, since she was wearing them. (Warrick looks through the scope.) [SCOPE VIEW] (Warrick sees skin cells on the pantyhose fibers.) (Greg continues.) Greg: I also found black cotton fibers on the outside -- highest concentration near the crotch. Insert joke here. Nick: The vic had a pair of black cotton socks. Warrick: Well, I did find black cotton fibers under his chin. Nick: Okay, transfer from the sock to the pantyhose, to the neck. So the sock was in between the pantyhose and the neck? Greg: Padding. BCP, breath control play. (Warrick nods.) Greg: Couples increase their partner's pleasure through strangulation. And if you're not careful, it leaves marks. Warrick: Yeah, this guy Julian Harper's an actor, so I'm sure he didn't want bruises on his neck to be showing on camera. Nick: There were only two girls in the suite. Which one of them killed him? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PALMS HOTEL -- BEDROOM] (Warrick and Nick are standing in the bedroom looking around.) Nick: Burnt pantyhose. Okay, evidence of sx games gone wrong. Warrick: I don't see how we could have missed anything. There's no fireplace here. I haven't seen any lighters. Nick: Well, something singed the hose. (Warrick looks around as Nick puts his kit down. Warrick finds something black on one of the wall lamps.) (Zoom in for camera close-up of the burnt black substance.) Warrick: Hey. Nick: Hmm? Warrick: There's some burnt residue on this lamp. (Warrick puts the residue in a bindle.) Warrick: You know what I think? I think someone tied him up, and they couldn't get the knot undone, because it melted. So they panicked. And they pulled the hose down. (Nick nods.) Warrick: I'll print the light. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (Sofia Curtis and Warrick interview Blinky.) Warrick: I guess even having an unlimited supply of hot women is not enough, huh? Bondage sx with your best friend? Sofia Curtis: It's cool, you guys were on the down low. Blinky (Gerald Allison): I don't understand. Warrick: Well, we found both your prints and Julian's prints on a light fixture above the bed. (He tosses the LAS VEGAS POLICE DEPARTMENT AFIS REPORT toward Blinky. It has a single print on the center with his name on the bottom: ALLISON, GERALD ALIASES: BLINKY Blinky (Gerald Allison): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We were not down like that. (Quick flashback to: The bedroom door opens and Blinky walks in, calling out to Julian Harper.) Blinky (Gerald Allison): Rise and shine, buddy! Room service. (His eyes widen with horror as he sees his friend on the bed, the black hose still around his beck and tied to the lamp.) Blinky (Gerald Allison): Dude, Julian? (He goes over to his friend and removes the hose from around his neck. Julian falls face down on the bed.) Blinky (Gerald Allison): (V.O.) He did it to himself. He did it to himself. So, I took the pantyhose, and I took them off the light. (The hose starts to melt on the hot lamp.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Blinky (Gerald Allison): And then I put his boxers back on. I wasn't going to let his mom open up US magazine and see her boy like that. Jules, he always did me right. Now I just wanted to do him the same. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (Catherine and Grissom walk through the hallway.) Catherine: I got the serial number rundown from Keo's shotgun. He bought it last week, two days before he shot Samay. Grissom: The guy's barely scraping by, and he spends $250 on a brand-new Mossberg? Catherine: There's a word for that. "Premeditation." [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (Brass interviews Keo Vipraxay with his lawyer and an interpreter sitting next to him.) Brass: Your brother gets killed. You killed the guy who did it with a shotgun you just bought. And end up $5,000 ahead. (Keo turns and looks at the interpreter.) Interpeter: (in Lao) (untranslated) Brass: In Nevada, that's murder one. Twenty years to life. Unless you get the death sentence. Interpeter: (in Lao) (untranslated) Lawyer: What are my client's options? Brass: A full confession. We make a recommendation to the DA; maybe he gets murder two. Interpeter: (in Lao) (untranslated) (He shakes his head. The interpreter stops. Keo turns and looks at Brass.) Keo Vipraxay: (in English) I brought Noy here to help me. Brass: What? Keo Vipraxay: To work hard and save. To bring our family here. Our parent. Our sister. My wife. Instead he waste the money--on the DVD, gambling, clothes. Keo Vipraxay: Noy's life was worthless. His death is not. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (Grissom is in his office. Warrick knocks on the door. He looks up.) Warrick: Griss, we closed that actor case. Grissom: And? Warrick: Accidental death as a result of auto-erotic asphyxiation. Grissom: Strangled himself to death to enhance his own pleasure. (Warrick nods.) Grissom: It was in the days of public hangings that people first noticed that men would get erections and sometimes even ejaculate. They called it "The Killer Orgasm." Warrick: It's a waste. Guy had everything -- money, fame ... Grissom: Yeah, look where he ended up. CUE SONG: "Mad World", Gary Jules [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MORGUE] Lyric: All around me are familiar faces, worn-out places, worn-out faces (The gurney carrying a body is wheeled down the hall. The identification tag around the body's big toe reads: N. VIPRAXAY A. ROBBINS C. WILLOWS (The gurney table stops next to a second body with the tag that reads: HARPER, JULIAN DR. ROBBINS W. BROWN Lyric: Bright and early for the daily races going nowhere, going nowhere (TOP VIEW DOWN: The two dead bodies are side-by-side.) (Someone pulls a sheet over the first body over his face.) Lyric: ... Mad World ... (Camera rises to show the face of the second body. Someone pulls the sheet over the second body to cover his face.) Lyric: ... Mad World ...
doc_154	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Mary: We have confirmed reports that the Black Death has returned once more to plague our lands. Francis: I understand all the reasons. I do. I just can't. I won't let you take my son from me. I will rise until I am rich and powerful. But I will never be yours again. Greer: Is that your daughter with Leith? Mary: Eduard Narcisse. How may we help you? Eduard: There's someone I thought untouchable. I'd like him to die of plague. Food for survival... in exchange for one life. Mary: Every life matters! We will find grain elsewhere. You murdered an entire household! Eduard: Why make an enemy out of those you need most? Mary: Justice. Take him away. Eduard: My father will free me! Mary: No, he won't. Because he'll never find you. Eduard: (coughing) No! Mary! No! (screaming) No! (bird caws) [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ They won't know ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Who we are ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ So we both can ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Pretend... ♪ (groans) ♪ It's written on the mountains... ♪ Sebastian: There's 12 corpses. All adults. No... no shovels, no hooks. Keep your gloves on and wrap them with care. Guard: You should get some rest, my lord. It's not your job to handle the dead. It's ours. Sebastian: No, we have to give them proper burial. So their souls can find rest. ♪ And the pieces broke ♪ ♪ And people wanted more ♪ ♪ And the ♪ ♪ Rugged wheel ♪ ♪ Is turning ♪ ♪ Another round ♪ Mary: I knew he was alive. I could feel it in my heart. Catherine: Thank God you were right. Please don't tell Francis that I mistook my illness for the plague. It's embarrassing. (crowd clamoring) ♪ Dorian... ♪ Francis: Mary. Mary: Where is Lola? Is she all right? (baby cooing) Lola: Mary. Mary: Lola. The... the child, is it... ? Lola: I have a son. (baby crying) (women cooing) (shushes) Francis: Bash, oh, thank God you're all right. We have to talk soon. I need an advisor I can trust. I want you on my council. Sebastian: You're already talking politics. Francis: Because I am already king. Sebastian: I'm no politician, Francis. I don't belong on a privy council. It's a liar's job. ♪ Dorian, carrion ♪ Francis: Mary? I'd like you to meet the man that saved our lives. My cousin. Louis of Conde. Kenna: Oh, he's easy on the eyes, isn't he? ♪ Will you ever let... ♪ Mary: Thank you for bringing them home safely. Thank you so very much. Louis: It was an honor. As is this. Francis: You and your men must rest here before you leave. (women laughing) Your kisses are more easily attained than your words. I left impulsively. Mary: You did. Francis: And now I have returned with Lola's child. I held him and... I don't know what role he'll have at court, but I want to be a part of my son's life. Of this child's life, but we will have others. Mary, my father's indiscretions were blatant, but out of respect for his wife, he gave Bash no title or standing. It hurt him. And it hurt me to see it. Mary: The eyes of the world are watching to see if we will... If I can bear an heir. Not just for France. For Scotland. And for England as well. I know this has nothing to do with the role you decide to have in your son's life... Francis: Well, perhaps it should. Mary: Those who are close to us... even here at court will know the truth. Your mother has guessed it already. Spend time with your son absolutely, but... Francis: But don't claim him. Officially, you mean. Mary: Yes. Catherine: Thank you. I'm surprised to see you. My deepest sympathies for the loss of your son Eduard. Can I get you anything? Some lemonade? Narcisse: I thought this castle would be the safest place for him. Why wasn't it? Catherine: Bring us some whiskey. Nostradamus: Lord Narcisse is here. Asking a lot of questions about his son's death. I explained that he showed symptoms of plague, high fever, rash. Mary: You are good to cover for me. Lord Narcisse will never know. His son did die of plague. His body will tell the tale. Eduard murdered an entire household to kill one foe. Since he cared so little for people, it's fitting that he died among the lowborn. I have asked much of you... not the least that you betray your very dangerous friend Catherine. She was mortified that she overreacted to her symptoms. She hates being vulnerable. But it is hard not to enjoy it. We tried to save lives. I owe you. And I will protect you. Catherine: So many people died here. Nobles, servants alike. I was in my chambers when your son took ill. But Nostradamus, he... Narcisse: Yes. I've already spoken with your court physician. A... a father can't help but wonder about his son's final days. I survived by fleeing to the country. I feel that I should've sent for him. Catherine: There was nothing you could do. Narcisse: : I need to go see him now. You do understand, don't you? (groans) When was this room sealed? Guards: Two weeks ago, my lord. Narcisse: Most nobles died in their chambers. Were many nobles sent here by mistake? Guards: Couldn't say, sir. It was a living hell. Do you see him? Narcisse: Not yet. That is my son. Wrap him. Carefully. (moaning nearby) Who's there? This one is still alive. Guards: How could anyone still be alive? He must be immune. Man: Water. Narcisse: That is my son. Were you with him? Did you see him die? We will get you some water and something to eat. And then you are going tell me all about what happened to my son. (laughter, clamoring) Catherine: Ah, this is nothing compared to what we'll do for your coronation. But your safe return is cause for celebration. Francis: It's nice to see some joy in this castle after so much grief. I hear you had a hand in our new chambers as well. Catherine: One bedroom for husband and wife. Good luck to both of you with that. I thought Narcisse was leaving with his son's body. Why is he back with so many nobles? Narcisse: King Francis. Francis: Narcisse. My lords. I'm pleased to see you're all alive and well. In the wake of the plague, I will be calling on all of you to enforce my laws. Together you control vast regions of France. Some of you will be valued additions to my royal council. Narcisse: Of course, King Francis. But we're here to ask something of you as well. Justice. Francis: What's this about exactly? Narcisse: My son Eduard... was murdered. Here in your castle while you were away. By Nostradamus, the court physician. I don't know what grudge you held against my son. Nostradamus: I had no argument with him. Narcisse: Then why did you make false diagnosis?Why did you condemn him to death? Francis: These are serious allegations. Narcisse: My son was healthy when he was thrown in with servants riddled with plague. I know this because a witness, a survivor, has told me this tale. My son was deliberately infected. Mary: I assure you, if a mistake was made, Nostradamus intended no harm. Narcisse: Assure us all... your loyal nobility, that we are still safe under your rule. We who collect your coin, we who grow your food, we who provide your soldiers, we who uphold your laws. Hold the murderer of my son accountable to these same laws. And show us that no life, especially one of our own, may be taken with impunity. (gasping, murmuring) Francis: Take Nostradamus away for questioning. Mary: Eduard murdered an entire household... men, women and children. I did what I had to. Francis: And Narcisse knows it was you who killed his son? Mary: I was the one who forced Eduard into the plague room against his will. If there was a survivor, he would have witnessed everything. Catherine: There was another survivor of your crimes, Mary. Me. You drugged me, didn't you? You were so adamant to stand up to the nobles, and I got sick just when you needed me out of the way. Mary: I had to stop you. Catherine: Oh, you wouldn't delve into my poisons without help. It was Nostradamus. Your actions spared no one, saved nothing and cost us all dearly. Narcisse wants the guards who brought his son to the catacombs executed as well. Mary: We don't have to accede to his demands. You and Henry might have bowed to the nobles, but we won't. Catherine: We kept the nobles happy. If they feel betrayed, they can rise up against you. I've seen revolts firsthand, a full-scale rebellion could mean the end of your reign. Francis: I know that you want to do things differently, but I'm not sure that this is the time. The plague shortages have given too much power to Narcisse. The nobles follow him now, and they are watching our every move. Mary: Then let them watch you, and that you be above reproach. This was my mistake and I'll fix it. (indistinct conversation, hammer clinking) (horse whinnies) Man: Whoa. Leith: Oh... Lord Castleroy. Castleroy: Wasn't this enough for you? A kitchen boy, given some of the best lands in the region. You had to have my daughter, too? Leith: Lord Castleroy, I am so sorry. Yvette was kind and... Castleroy: She was everything you told Greer you wanted. Rich and innocent and my daughter. How Greer would have suffered to see your rise, and what a close view she'd have had. Leith: I can assure you that I didn't realize who she was until after we... Castleroy: If my daughter had never met you, she would be alive! Leith: I would never have hurt her. Castleroy: I don't know that, and neither do you. Given the proximity you would have had to the woman I know you love. Leith: Look, please, just... look, wait... Greer: Leith, no! (Grunts) Castleroy: Stay away from my family. Or I will destroy you. Narcisse: Queen Mary. Where is your husband? Mary: I would prefer it if we settled this matter privately. I think you know who's truly responsible for Eduard's death. Narcisse: You are. But, as you are a queen, you're nearly untouchable. Nearly. But those that lied for you, I can reach easily enough. That is how I will punish you. Mary: Your son was a monster. He asked me to murder his enemy, and when I refused, he poisoned an entire household. Narcisse: Why didn't you arrest him? Mary: I let my anger get the best of me. And my outrage. Narcisse: Hand what of mine? He was my son! He was loyal and obedient and he had his whole life ahead of him. He was to marry an archduchess, gain one of the most prized farming regions in France... Mary: He was to marry into land? He told me he was already married. That Voland had slept with his wife. Why did he really want Voland dead? You also said he was obedient. Was he following your orders? I am queen. You will answer my questions. Why did you want Voland dead? I command you! Narcisse: No, you command nothing! I don't fear you, I don't fear your husband! Because without me, without the other nobles, your power disappears. We are the outside world, and we surround you. There is a consensus amongst the other nobles, given my son's station, that an example must be made. So when the dawn comes, Nostradamus and your guards will be drawn and quartered. Mary: That is a horrific and agonizing death. Narcisse: This is what they want. This is what will satisfy them. And you will learn never to cross me again. Francis: My mother's been negotiating to spare Nostradamus, but it's no use. Narcisse wants retribution, and he has the nobles on his side. Mary: Murdering innocent men to teach me a lesson. He's more wicked than his son. Francis: Why didn't you wait? You could have had him arrested. Mary: If I had, Narcisse would have pressured us to release him. We'd be in the same position we're in now with him trying to force your hand. Francis: If his son were alive, Narcisse wouldn't be consumed with revenge. It was reckless, Mary. Mary: I saw an entire family be murdered. My rage took hold. It might not have been the best decision, but it was justified. Francis: It was a choice that you made alone. What is it? Mary: I know I told you to go to Lola, but then the plague came and you knowingly abandoned me to a nightmare. You are the king who deserted his castle, and I am the queen who was left behind, alone. Alone because of your mistakes. Out of all the people you could have slept with, did it have to be one of my ladies?One of my closest friends? Francis: We can't afford to do this now. Mary: If you bow to Narcisse now, you'll be doing it for the rest of your rule. What kind of king do you want to be? Francis: I've been trying to figure out what kind of king I can be. Whether there is a way to stop this execution without destroying my relationship with some very powerful nobles. Mary: If only we had something to leverage against Narcisse, we could force him to back down. Francis: Conde suspects Narcisse of murdering families to take their lands. I'll send my brother to the villages where he acquired property during the plague. Mary: You're looking for evidence of murder. Something to blackmail him with. Francis: Anything. What is it? Mary: I believe Eduard was acting on his father's orders. I don't know why Narcisse wanted Voland dead, but I'm going to try and find out. Francis: The execution is at dawn. Mary: I promised Nostradamus my protection. One way or another, we have to find something. Maid: These are Lord Voland's chambers. Mary: Leave me. Thank you. Lola: Mary. Mary: Lola, what are you doing here? Lola: Francis explained your situation with Narcisse. I wanted to help. Mary: Francis shared that with you? Lola: I was with Francis when we met Narcisse on the road. It gave me chills to see him here at court. I could see Francis was troubled and I asked him what was wrong. Mary: When was this? Lola: When he asked me how the baby was doing. Mary, I know our situation is painful... Mary: And for you, too. Does he have a name yet? Lola: I call him Robert, after my youngest brother. If Francis claims him, he may choose another name. Mary: I suppose it would be best for you, if he did. You'd rise above speculation and gossip. You would both gain status and respect. Lola: I just want to be with my child. The more time I spend with him, the less anything else seems to matter. Mary: It's all right to take joy in being a mother. You don't have to hide that from me. Lola: What is it? Mary: It's from the privy council, to Lord Voland. "In response to your urgent request... " Lola: It says Voland was desperately seeking an audience with the king before he died. Mary: Well, you said you want to help. I need you to find out whatever you can about Voland's final hours. He wanted to tell Francis something... I need to know what it was. Leith: It is you. When they announced that you were here, I, uh... I didn't believe it. Greer: I feel as if I betrayed you. I didn't mean to tell Lord Castleroy what you said. What you said in anger. But at the time... Leith: You thought it was true. That I would steal the heart of another just to wound yours. Greer: I was upset when I saw you and Yvette together. I realized how jealous I sounded to Lord Castleroy, so I told him your words. As if it was just my concern for his daughter. I did it to protect myself. Leith: You're good at that, aren't you? Greer: Not really. I've poisoned everything. There's little but hate and mistrust between all of us. (sighs) I wish I could turn back time, but I can't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry and... I pray the day will come when I no longer regret that I loved you. Please don't blame yourself for Yvette's death. If I'd let you go to her... Leith: Never tell your fiancé that. Let it be, Greer. What's done is done. Don't cause him any more pain. Let that be a vow that we both keep. You should go. Don't come back. Sebastan: I'm investigating Lord Narcisse. I've heard many of the dead lost their lands to him. Gravedigger: They were murdered. He plucked the deeds to their lands from their stiff, cold fingers. Or so I'm told. Sebastian: Do you have any proof? Gravedigger: There's proof of murders, theirs and plenty of others, if you want to dig it up. It's all under there, buried with the rest of the unfortunates. Sebastian: In the same mass grave with all the actual plague victims. Corpses came by the cartful, the sick and the murdered. And once they're tossed in... who's going to ask questions? (sighs) Don't take it too hard, my lord. Same thing happens every plague. Justice suffers and dies with the rest of us. Woman: Deesh-kin... aarin kir mograndee. Sebastian: Who are you? Why are you doing that? Woman: From the castle, now, are you? I am. I hear the nobles locked themselves in with cakes and fine wines, while we watched our loved ones rot and turn black before our eyes. Sebastian: There were many deaths at court as well. Woman: Bury them well, mind you. So many. Wickedly mistreated, not just in life, but in death. Do people really expect them to go? Sebastian: What do you mean? Woman: It's hard enough to get spirits to leave us, but now? There's a door between the dead and the living, and the plague kicked it down. And if the dead aren't guided through... the door stays open. The door is open. They'll get to us before you know it. There will be... Sebastiab: A reckoning. Mary: So we have no proof to use against Narcisse unless we want to dig up mass graves and release the plague? Sebastian: If Narcisse is using the plague to cover his crimes, he's not the only one. Neighbours, Catholics, Protestants... they're killing each other. Even a cardinal's body was found in an alley with his throat slit. Francis: A cardinal? Who? Sebastian: Cardinal Morosini, killed for the gold in his vestments, they say. (Door closes) Lola: I'm here to see Mary. Mary: What did you find? Lola: I spoke with a castle page. Before Lord Voland joined his family in their chambers, he insisted on taking confession. I had to bribe a few altar boys, but I got the priest's name. Father Lucien. Mary: Where do we find this priest? Francis: You look troubled, Brother. I know you call Nostradamus friend. Sebastian: I do. And he's a friend we may need. Francis: What do you mean? Sebastian: He has certain skills . And I know that you don't believe in them or the occult. But something has changed out there. There's talk in the village that the dead are still with us. Francis: People feel guilty for surviving. They torture themselves. Sebastian: No, a guard heard screams of the dying from an empty room. Servants claim that old castle ghosts have returned. And a woman in the village claims that all this death and injustice has left a door open between this world and the next and some of the dead are on the wrong side of it. Francis: Still here among the living? Sebastian: And that they stay because they were treated wrongly. Either not given proper burial or cut down unjustly. Francis: Murdered. What does this woman think the dead want? Sebastian: The truth revealed. Francis: You mean revenge. Catherine: I loved Henry. But he was a terrible husband and a worse father. What kind of a father do you hope to be? Francis: Nothing like him. Catherine: Really? Then what will you do about Lola's child? Will you claim him? Francis: I haven't decided. Catherine: You must be worried he might be your only child. I'm speaking to you as a mother. As your mother. I can tell you that if you do not claim him, there will be a distance between you and that boy for the rest of your lives. He will never be king. But he might be your only chance at being a father. And I can promise you that raising him will be the singular joy of your life. [SCENE_BREAK] (door creaks) Greer: Aloysius. I was just going to change and meet you downstairs. Castleroy: Your servants said you went into town. Greer: Yes, I bought some things for the children. Castleroy: You were gone a long while. ♪ When it's all falling apart ♪ ♪ I'll be the one... ♪ Greer: I went to see Leith. I know you are in pain, but there's no need for such animosity. Leith is racked with guilt. I am, too. You must know I'm loyal to you. ♪ And you can't find the spark... ♪ Castleroy: I have been wondering about your loyalty of late. Leith's vow... Greer: Was said... in the moment, in anger. I chose you. Castleroy: You chose the life I could give you. Greer: I chose you, and you chose me knowing that I'd loved another, that I had done ruinous things for that love. You knew that about me. Castleroy: I didn't know how it would feel. ♪ It's all gone... ♪ Castleroy: I have business that will take me away for some time. Greer: How long? Castleroy: I don't know. I'll be seeing my younger children as well. I need to be the one to tell them that their sister is dead. Greer: Will you be back? Castleroy: I don't know. ♪ Together ♪ ♪ I'll be there. ♪ Father: I'm not afraid of breaking my vows, Queen Mary. What I do fear is Lord Narcisse. Mary: I will stand against him. Father, I made a mistake a few weeks ago, and now innocent men could pay for it with their lives. Whatever Voland told you could save them. Please help me. (crickets chirping) Father: Lord Voland worked with Narcisse. They collected money for the Vatican, but greed interfered, and they kept some of the Church's gold for themselves. Cardinal Morosini discovered their crime. Mary: Cardinal Morosini? He was found dead in a neighboring village. Father: Protestants were blamed but never identified. I know the truth. It was Narcisse and Voland who killed him. Voland's heart filled with remorse. Narcisse knew his resolve was weakening, so before Voland could confess to your king or to the Church... Mary: He had him killed. Along with his entire family. (sighs) You understand we could destroy Narcisse with this. The Vatican would strip him of his power. You must testify to the king and to the assembled nobles at court. Father: But what I've told you I can never repeat. I'm just a lowly priest; Narcisse has people everywhere. I'd be dead in the blink of an eye. Mary: He killed a cardinal! I could compel you. Father: For information taken in holy confession? The Vatican itself can't hear it. It doesn't exist. Narcisse: I know that your wife... Francis: She is your queen. Narcisse: I know that your queen is working against me to stop the execution. She doesn't value my friendship, but you should. Francis: Because you are a true friend to the Crown. Narcisse: Hmm. You don't like me, but you need me. My lands feed your people, your court. I kept Henry afloat long after his wars plunged France into debt. Francis: I am aware of the Crown's debts. Narcisse: But not how in debt it is to me. Louis: I heard about the execution. If Lord Narcisse demanded it, those men are certainly innocent. Narcisse: Careful of your accusations. I could make some of my own. Louis: You've made them to others; you can make them to me. Narcisse: I believe this man to be a secret Protestant, a radical, practicing the faith of your enemies in England and Germany. Francis: Is this true? Louis: No. I am a Catholic and a Frenchman. But I believe France should be ruled by you, not by blood money from Rome. The Vatican is corrupt... they're betraying their faith by allowing the strong to prey on the weak. Narcisse: You've proved my case for me. He is a radical. A Catholic who hates the Catholic Church. Louis: I hate any man that hides behind God while they murder and steal. Men like Narcisse, protected by the Church and the Crown. Your father built his power by giving the nobles what they wanted. If he were here now, he would let those men die. Narcisse: And what do you expect him to do, risk disenfranchising the nobles he depends on? Louis: Well, maybe it's time we change things, shift the power back to where it belongs, with you, our king. You're unsure of who to trust. Francis: Yes, I am. Louis: Then trust no one but yourself. Trust your sense of what is right and what is wrong. Because when the dawn comes and those men are let outside, you'll have to decide what kind of king you want to be. (birds chirping) (sighs) Catherine: Have they hurt you? (door closes) Nostradamus: They're going to lead me out soon. For last rites. Are you going to share your plan with me? Catherine: I'm afraid there is no plan, my old friend. I'm so sorry. But I shall make sure you are remembered. All your works will be published. I will have sonnets written... and... a statue built in Paris. Nostradamus: A statue? Mm. After all I've done for you! Catherine: Do not blame me for the choices you have made! If you had stayed loyal to me, Eduard would still be alive, none of this would have happened. You... you brought this on yourself when you helped Mary. There is nothing I can do. Nostradamus: You think you're untouchable... that your sins will stay buried, but they don't. Surely you realized that when you met your daughter. Catherine: Clarissa? She's dead and buried now. Mary killed her. You thought Clarissa's death fulfilled the prophecy. And that is why I supported Francis marrying... Is Clarissa alive? Tell me, Nostradamus. Have you seen her? Have you had another vision? Will Francis live beyond the death you once foresaw? Nastradamus: Ask your statue. Narcisse: Conde. Where are the royals? Louis: I suppose they've chosen to look the other way. Someone must bear witness to this travesty. Innocent men shouldn't die alone. You won't die alone. Mary: They're preparing for the drawing and quartering as we speak. We must do something. Francis: We don't have any leverage against Narcisse. Mary: We have the truth on our side and we have you. You are king. Doesn't that count for something? Francis: Yeah, well, it's not enough, Mary. We need something that we can hold in our hands. Mary: Well, perhaps Lord Voland kept a journal. Or wrote a letter. I have Lola looking now. Francis: We're out of time. Mary: I can't let these men die for my mistake. Narcisse: Do you know why they wrap the bindings all up the arms and legs? For a good, clean break. I've seen it done the other way, too, bonds at the wrists and ankles taking off just the hands and feet. You bleed to death as the one horse takes the lead and drags you behind. Which do you think will be more painful? Your death or my son's? Nostradamus: I've seen your death. You'll suffer, too. Narcisse: And I have seen the suffering on every inch of my son's corpse. I will think of him as you die. You do the same. (shouting) (horse neighs) (shouting) (horse neighs) Guard: On my signal, spur your horses! Mary: No, stop! Riders, dismount. Rein in your horses. Now. Narcisse: Even a queen needs grounds. Mary: Unbind him. (whimpering) There will be no execution today. Narcisse: You have just lost France for you and your king. When the nobles hear of this... Mary: I found Lord Voland's confession. Handwritten before his death. Narcisse: What are you talking about? Mary: He wrote it all down how you both stole from the Vatican and then murdered the cardinal before he could inform on you. Voland's remorse that followed, his need to clear his accounts with God, and his fear that you would silence him before he could. His confession is in the hands of a messenger headed to your friends in Rome as we speak to reassure the Vatican that no life, especially one of their own, can be taken with impunity. Francis: Mary. I will handle this. Mary: But I have proof. Francis: Not anymore. Mary: My letters. You intercepted my riders. Why? You don't have to bow to him. Francis: Mary, leave us. You, too, Conde. Mary: I am your queen. You owe me an explanation. You owe France and your subjects a just rule. Francis: Go to our chambers, where private discussions between husbands and wives should take place. Mary: I am not just your wife. Francis: You are not king either. Leave us now. Narcisse: I always thought you should have married a common girl, like your father. Rich, of course, but without a title she felt obligated to club people with. Francis: I don't like you. Narcisse: I don't care. You need me. I'm glad that you've realized that. Lord Voland's seal. Francis: I stopped the riders because I understand that we need each other. Nostradamus is a favorite of my mother's, and none of these men really caused your son's death. You will free them as a favor to me. Narcisse: That might be difficult to explain to the nobles. Francis: You riled them into a frenzy on your behalf. Now tell them you are satisfied. Manage them, and I will manage my wife. Narcisse: There will need to be some satisfaction, if you want all of this to go away. Francis: No more bloodshed. Narcisse: Land. Of my choosing. (bell tolling in distance) Nostradamus and the guards have been freed. You were brilliant. Mary: And he didn't ask to see the contents of the letters? Francis: I burned them before he could see they were forged. We have Narcisse at bay, but... Mary: Well, what is it? What's wrong? Francis: I had to give him something else as well. (horse neighs) Narcisse: This is very fine land. Leith: Who are you? Narcisse: It's a rare parcel. Undamaged by fire. Still producing. And all that separates two larger parcels of mine. The king has deeded this land to me. Leith: That's impossible. Why would he take it away? Narcisse: Ask King Francis yourself. He's requested your presence at court. Leith: At court? But I can't go there. Narcisse: You can. And you will. Francis: I don't know what's changed your mind. You were right before; a politician is a liar's job. Even today I had to betray a friend to save lives. Sebastian: Well, this job is different. Enforcing the laws, keeping the peace beyond the castle walls. My wife tells me that in Scotland they call this the king's deputy. Francis: Ah. Sebastian: The realm is growing unstable. You need someone out there you can actually trust. Why are you kneeling? Sebastian: You're the king, and I'm nothing. Until you make me something. Francis: Don't say that. You're my brother. Sebastian: Then give me the job already. Do it up properly. Use my sword. Francis: Very well. Sebastian, I hereby appoint you the king's deputy, with all rights and apportionments so accruing. Mary: Nostradamus, you're too injured to ride. Nostradamus: I have to. What will you tell Catherine? Mary: That you had another vision. Of a better life. God willing. (baby gurgles) Francis: Mary?Why did you ask me to the nursery? Mary: Your father was King Henry II of the House of Valois. You are Francis II, the king of France. I'm Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots. Whatever happens to us while we live and when we are long gone, nothing can change that or take it away. Francis: I don't understand. Mary: The world is a cruel place. And it's cruelest to the weak. They are bullied and sacrificed, mocked and murdered and they die in agony. Francis: Mary, why are you talking... Mary: Give him your name. Give your baby your name. Francis: Not even my name can make him safe. Mary: No, but it can make him safer. Francis: Mary... Mary: If you think I don't know the risks, I do. But if I don't want to end up like Catherine, I can't push this child away like she did with Bash. I have to open my heart. So... ... do right by him, with my blessing, and claim him as your own. And our marriage will be stronger for it. (baby gurgling) (door opens) Francis: I'm never sure that I'm holding him right. Nurse: Oh, I could show you. Support his head, like so. See? I remember holding you in my arms when you were this little. Francis: I beg your pardon? Nurse: When I gave you life, I thought it was the greatest thing I'd ever done. All the treaties I'd made, all the wars and the whores were nothing compared to that. Francis: Who are you talking to? Nurse: Don't you recognize your own father? Usurper. (gasps) Francis: What did you just say? Nurse: Did I say something, Your Grace? Francis: You don't remember? (baby crying) Nurse: Remember what?
doc_155	Michael: Ughh... Blech. Dwight: OK, where does it hurt? Michael: Just... all over. I don't want to do anything... I'm dying... Dwight: No, that's not how it works. You have to point to a specific part of the body. Michael: Right there. [Michael points to computer screen.] Dwight: [reading from screen] "Abdomen. Menses." Michael: Maybe. Dwight: "The uterus contracts after your egg passes through it." Michael: Not it. I don't have eggs. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick, but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Oh, is it possible you ate food that contained animal waste? Michael: That's possible. Pam: Michael? Michael: Uh-huh? Pam: David Wallace is on line one. Michael: The CFO? Ohh... Michael: OK, everybody out. Out. Out. Out. OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: To what do I owe this great honor, David Wallace? David: [on phone] Michael, I am calling--- Michael: And Gromit. [David sighs] Jan? Is Jan there? David: Jan is out of town right now. Michael: Oh, you sigh like Jan. I broke Jan's heart, David, and it was awful. It was... It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes... David: Michael? Michael: ...you just gots to get your freak on. David: Michael? Michael: Yeah. David: Michael? Michael: Hmmm. David: I am calling to see if you can come down and interview for a job we have opening in corporate. Michael: Really? David: Week from today. Bring your first quarter stats and your recommendation for who would take over the Scranton Branch. Michael: Wow. I wish I had prepared something to say. David: That's not necessary. Michael: May God guide you in your quest. David: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: OK, everybody have their towels and swim suits? We have about an hour and half. I suggest that you all go potty now and then we will be congregating on the partay bus. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: Oh I'm excited. Today is Beach Day! And Michael is taking the whole office to the beach. So I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath my shirt [lifts up shirt, definitely not wearing anything underneath] Oh, yeah... I packed it in my purse. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume? Oscar: I don't wear a Speedo, Michael. Michael: Well, you can't swim in leather pants. [laughs] I'm just yankin' your chain. Not literally. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Anybody need sun block? Got SPF 30. Michael: Oh, you know what? Uh, you're not going. Toby: It's Beach Day... Michael: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Toby. We... um... Somebody has to stay here. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I want today to be a beautiful memory... that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it... then it'll suck. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Hey, want my sun screen? Pam: Oh, great. I forgot mine and I'm wearing a two piece. Toby: Uh-huh. Pam: Thanks Toby. Michael: Hey Pam, I have a very important job for you Pam: I thought we were just having fun at the beach. Michael: We are. We are. But, I would like you to take notes. And I want you to find out about people's character. Not their hotness, per se, but their humor, and their charisma, and the indefinable quality that makes you all glad to follow me. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What happens to a company if somebody takes their boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like what happens to a chicken when you take its head away. It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: You want me to write down people's indefinable qualities? Michael: I want you to write down everything that people are doing all day. And then type it up, in a way that is helpful. Alright? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I have the most boring job in the office, so... why wouldn't I have the most boring job on beach day? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This way to the partay bus. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [singing] [Angela mouthing the words next to him] And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression. Said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right." [rest of office joins in at varying times] You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Everybody, may I have you attention please? Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach. Stanley: Oh, sweet mother of God. Michael: If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus. Stanley: Excuse me? Michael: Or the front of the bus. Or drive the bus. Just, we are all participating in mandatory fun activities. Funtivities! And there is a special secret prize for the winner! Dwight: Yes! Funtivities! I knew it wasn't just a trip to the beach. Michael: Okay, you know what? Your enthusiasm's turning people off. Dwight: I hope there will be management parables. Michael: Well, [whispering] Hey Pam, did you get that down? Pam: Like what? Michael: Like everything I said and everything they did and... Just don't... Pam: Well... no, I don't... exactly... what? Michael: Well write it down before you forget it. That's... You've just been drawing pictures. [sighs] Rrrr. I can't stay mad at you. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Here we are ladies and gentlemen. Everybody ready? Last one down is a rotten egg. [Gets off bus] Watch out for snakes! [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Everyone put on sunscreen. Michael: Alright, find a cozy spot. Everybody settle in. [everybody sits down on beach] OK, everybody up! Circle 'round. [motions for circle to form] Let us play some games. We are situated on the northeast corner of scenic Lake Scranton. America's eighth largest indigenous body of water. It is here that a group of Americans will undergo the ultimate challenge. One day, 14 strangers who work together, but only one survivor. Oscar: What? Michael: Just words. Inspiring words. [under breath] Not a contender. [out loud] For the competitions, you will be divided into four tribes. Each tribe will have a leader that I will pick randomly off the top of my head without thinking. Jim, Dwight, Andy and Stanley. Dwight: Yes! Michael: Choose your tribes. Except for Pam. Not Pam. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know? Cons: not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in a half an hour. So that should tell you something. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I choose Michael! Michael: I'm not playing. Dwight: OK, temp. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: We are going to choose team names. Dwight? Dwight: We will be called Gryffindor. Jim: Really? Not Slytherin? Dwight: Slytherin are the bad guys, Jim. Jim: I know. Okay, we will be Voldemort. Dwight: He-who-must-not-be-named? I wouldn't do that. Jim: [starts chanting] Vol-de-mort, Vol-de-mort ...[Kevin and Karen follow] Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort! Dwight: OK, seriously. You really shouldn't be saying that. Michael: Hey, hey, hey. Ok, Ok... Stanley, your team name? Stanley: I don't care what you call my team. Michael: Then I will name your team the Red team. Stanley: No [crosses arms], the blue team. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I am also considering Stanley because of all the good that black people have done. For America. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: We will be team U.S.A. Michael: Very good. Pam, please take a note that Andy is patriotic. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It is time for the great spoon and egg race. This one is with a little twist. Stanley: There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon. Michael: Shh... The person carrying the egg will be blindfolded. Please put on your blindfolds. That person carrying the egg will go down, circle a torch, come back, deposit their egg in the pail. First team back is the winner. Alright. Ready? Set. Go! [contestants start walking] Oscar: Come on Phyllis, you can do it. [Phyllis' egg falls off spoon] Ahh... Stanley: Thank you so much. [Stanley sits down and pulls out his crossword puzzle] Andy: Phyllis is out. Yes! [to Kelly] Follow my voice. Follow my voice. Yeah, keep it moving. Keep it moving. Right this way. Looking good. [Cheers] Kelly: I don't want to hit the big rock! Andy: Don't worry. You're not... Kelly: I know I'm near the big rock. I just know it. Andy: No where near the big rock. Kelly: [takes off blindfold] I just don't want to get hit by it... Andy: What're you doing? No! See, now we're disqualified. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I am okay if I lose every single contest today. Honestly. Because I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard! [throws a stone] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [to Karen] Woah, stop, stop, stop. There's a hole. Step over the hole. Karen: Hole? Jim: Yup. [Karen takes a big step] Perfect, oooh, just made it. OK, turn left. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [to Ryan] Come on! Come on! Andale! Arriba! Arriba! Ryan: Can you just stop this right now, or I'm not gonna do this anymore. Dwight: What are you saying? Ryan: You have to stop yelling at me or I'm not gonna do the egg race. Dwight: OK, I apologize for yelling at you. Ryan: That's what being a good captain is about. It's about listening to the members of your team. Dwight: I am trying to bring team spirit. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [to Karen] Woah, stop, another hole. Take a big step. [Karen steps into lake] Yes! Karen: [lifts up blindfold] Oh my God! You ass! [chases Jim and throws egg at him] [both laugh] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf, and uh... diligent note-taking. [holds up notes] Michael: [off screen] Pam...you're missing things. [shakes off hand and starts writing in notebook] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [at Ryan holding egg in spoon] Let's go! Let's go! Come on! Mush! Mush! Come on you bstrd! [Ryan takes off blindfold and throws it to ground along with egg and spoon] What the? Damn it temp! Andy: [begins to clap] Great job everyone, that was fantastic. [Michael sighs] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Okay Pam, I have another little project for you. Pam: Does it have to do with these shopping bags filled with hot dogs? Michael: Smart as a whip! Yes! [holds up hot dog packages] These are pre-cooked, so it's not absolutely necessary, but I would appreciate it if you could heat up 800 hot dogs for a little contest I'm going to be having. I would greatly appreciate it. Pam: When's the contest? Michael: Like umm...[looks at watch] ten minutes? Pam: How am I supposed to... get... Michael: Thanks a bunch. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: A good manager has got to be hungry. Hungry for success. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: OK, who's hungry [Kevin starts to put hot dog in mouth] No, no, no. Do not touch the food. Please. Not yet. That is our next event. A hot dog eating contest. [sighs at the table] For those of you who are curious, the world record is 54 and one half hot dogs. Wow! And you know what? I personally have cooked up enough so each and every one of you could break that record. So shoot for the stars, OK? Alright, the team that eats the most hot dogs in ten minutes will be declared the winner. On you mark. Get set. Kelly: Can I have a turkey burger? Michael: No, I have the only one. I claimed it. Ready? Oscar: Turkey is a healthy meat. Dwight: It's very good for you. [overlapping talk from all at table] Michael: Guys, guys, guys. Come on! Pleeeeease... Let's just... OK, it's very important that you all try to eat as many hot dogs as you can. On your mark. Get set. Eat! Phyllis: Is there any mustard? Michael: No mustard, no mustard. Just eat it, eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it'll slide down your gullet more easily. Michael: Come on, the winner gets a big, big prize. Meredith: [eating hot dog] What is it? Michael: I can't say. Jim: You can't say, or you can't pronounce it? Michael: The winner gets a regional manager's salary for a year, and a Sebring, and the feeling that they are making a difference in the world. Kelly: Can we just take those first two things? Michael: The winner of today gets my job. Ok? I'm interviewing for a job at corporate. And they're only interviewing a handful of people and I'm the most qualified and I'll probably get it. Alright? Dwight: You're leaving? Michael: I didn't want to tell anyway. I didn't want to cast a pall over our fun beach day. But you know what? I don't know who to recommend because frankly nobody is stepping up. Andy: [slams fist onto table] I am so hungry! [starts eating hot dog real fast] Stanley: Do you expect me to believe that you're truly making your recommendations on this basis? Michael: [points at Stanley] Word. [Stanley starts eating hot dog] There we go. Let's see it. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Four. Three. Two. One. Stop your eating! And the winner is Andy Bernard, with 14 hot dogs! Kelly: Team U.S.A.! Andy: One came up. Michael: 13 hot dogs, everybody! Dwight: Damn it! [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: [holding a fish with all the meat stripped off] Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Sabotage. Angela: What? What are you saying? Did you say sandwich? Dwight: No. I was saying that before. Not now. Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team. Angela: I knew you were saying sabotage. I was giving you an example of it. I will misunderstand everything that Andy says until he goes insane. Dwight: If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It's very simple. There are only three rules. You must not touch the ground. You must not step outside of the ring. And you must always wear the safety mittens. Stanley: Uh, we don't have any safety mittens Michael: Probably left them in the trunk of my car. It's alright. It's alright. Here we go. Karen: Get 'em big boy! Michael: Aaaaaand, go! Karen: C'mon, Jim! Stanley: [growly noises, Jim looks terrified] Jim: What are you doing? Michael: Nice, Stanley! Stanley: [to Jim] Sorry about that. It's all about taking points away from Dwight. Jim: Yeah. No. Good. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes... ever. I thought that I might die. On beach day. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: If either of these guys are put in charge of the office I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. I'm kinda looking for a way out of that relationship anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Andy and Dwight sumo wrestle] Gaaaaa.... Michael: One. Two. Three. Dwight: Yaaaaa! Yaaaaa! Michael: Excellent! Dwight: Gryffindor! Gryffindor! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I didn't win. But the only reason I didn't win is because I recently learned that it's better to work thing out with words. Dwight: That's not why you lost. Andy: Yeah it is. I totally could have kicked your butt so bad. Dwight: Yeah, right. Andy: Yeah, right, c'mon! C'mon! [Dwight and Andy wrestle] Dwight: [bouncing off of Andy] Aaaagh! Uggggh! How do you like that? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [Trying to wet bandana, falls in water] Oh, God! Waaa! Guhh! Wuuuh! Help! Angela! Angela, hey! Oh, thank God! Please tell somebody! Angela: What, Andy? Andy, what should I tell them? Andy: Go tell them I'm floating away, obviously! Angela: I don't understand what you want from me. Andy: Angela, it's pretty simple! Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody about it! Angela: Sorry! Bye, Andy! Andy: Angela! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I knew that finding a successor would be difficult. I did not know that it would be impossible. Thus far the candidates have been wildly disappointing. Uh, Jim is not taking it seriously. Uh, Stanley is having a stroke. And Andy, where is he? Where the hell is Andy? Where is he, Pam? Do you know? Ah... who's ahead in points? Pam: I think they're even. At various times you gave Jim ten points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs up. And I don't really know how to compare those units. Michael: Check to see if there is a conversion chart in that notebook. Pam: I really doubt it, Michael. Michael: Please just check. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [on cell phone] Great. Yeah, I'll see you next week. Thank you, and here is Karen Filipelli. Bye. Karen: Hello? Yeah, hi David. Yes, I would like to be considered for the corporate position in well. Jim: In well? Karen: As well. Jim: How would that work in well? I just want to know. Karen: Yes. uh, huh. Jim: Wait a minute. Karen: That would be fine. Jim: If this job is in a well, I don't want it. Karen: [whispering] Cut it out! Jim: I don't! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What does a great manager need most of all? Courage. Stanley: How so? I mean... sure thing, that sounds smart... I can't do this anymore! I'm goin' to sit in the bus. Michael: Your loss, Stanley. Meanwhile the rest of us will have a super fun time defeating our fear and creating a lasting memory. Walking through FIRE! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Who among you has the guts to replace me? Let him walk across these coals. Kevin: Are you going to try it? Angela: I'm not going to talk through the fire after your disgusting feet have gone through. Kevin: Angela, it is a million degrees. Pam: I'm gonna do it. And I fully expect to burn my feet and go to the hospital. That's the right spirit when doing a coal walk, right? Michael: No. No, not you, Pam. You have to keep score. Pam: I'd like to try it. Michael: Pointless. Pam: But I'm not kidding. I really want to do it. Michael: Blah, blah, blee blup, blup, okay? This is about guts. It takes guts to be a regional manager. Jim, you're up. Jim: Nope. Michael: Ji.. why not? C'mon. Jim: Oh, 'cause I don't want my feet to get burned. Michael: You do not have what it takes to be a regional manager. Jim: That's harsh. Michael: Who's next? Andy? Where's Andy? Andy is never here today. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [lying in water, car lights light up his location] Hello? Who's there? My name is Andrew Bernard, I was with a group called Dunder Mifflin. Hello? [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Why don't you go Michael? Michael: Because I already did. Remember? I burned my foot on a George Foreman grill. Jim: And that is not the same at all. If you're going to ask other people to do it, you should do it yourself. Michael: Alright. Okay. Alright. Fine. 'kay. [clears throat, breathes noisily] The mind has to wrap around the foot. [exhales] Okay. Pam: Do you want us to count to three? Michael: Yes. Count to three, please. Group: Three. Two. One. Michael: Count the other way. Count... no, no, count one, two, three, not three, two, one. Group: One. Two. Three! Go! Do it! Go, Michael. Michael: Wait! Am I going on go? Or am I going on three? Creed: On the go that's after three. Michael: Okay. Group: One, two, three, go! Dwight: No! It's okay. I will do this Michael. Michael: Don't, don't. Dwight: [walking on coals] I will walk and stand on these coals until you award me the position of regional manager! Group: Wow. Go, Dwight. Keep moving. Dwight: [standing still, on the coals] GIVE ME THE JOB! GIVE ME THE JOB! Michael: I'm not going to give it to you. Dwight: [falling on his knees, then on all fours] Aaagh, aaagh! Group: [yelling excitedly for Dwight to get off the coals] Pam: Michael, do something! Dwight: Aggggh, that stings! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Being the boss is also about image. I've never looked like that. That was gross. I just, I don't see the connection between a firewalk and management. Worst seventy-five bucks I ever spent. You know what, if I had to pick my replacement based on today, it would be Mr. "Outside Hire." Angela: Or Mrs. "Outside Hire." Michael: Yeah. Ummm, hmm... True. Look, I don't want to leave this branch that I love to an outside hire therefore we are going to have a one hundred point winner take all sudden death tribal council round. To test the aspect of my job that I think is the most important, something I call the Bob Hope factor. Kelly: Who's Bob Hope? Michael: God! He's a comedian. Kelly: Oh, like Amanda Bynes. Michael: Who's Amanda Bynes? Kelly: She's from "What a Girl Wants." Michael: Oh, I love that movie. Yes, Kelly is right, the person to replace me has to have a great sense of humor and they have to possess the leadership qualities of a Bynes or a Hope. So without further ado, Jim and Dwight show us what you got. Jim: Hey, I know what you're looking for, but um, I got to be honest, I really don't think I should be considered as your replacement. Michael: You are being too modest. Jim: Michael, on Thursday I'm going to drive down and interview with David for the open position in New York. Michael: Hhhh... okay. That is not funny. I am deducting sixty points from Voldemort for false pretenses. Okay, Dwight your turn. Wow us. Dwight: The Aristocrats. A man and his wife and his children go into the offices of a talent agency. And the talent agent says, "Describe your act." And the man says something really, really raunchy and the talent representative says, "What do you call yourselves?" And the man says, "The Aristocrats!" [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [breathes deeply and runs across coals] Oooh, uh hah, ooh! Wha-hoo! Ahhhh... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [finishes story] I mean truly repulsive acts. Michael: That is a very, very funny story. Pam: [runs over after walking over fire coals] Hey! I want to say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately and I just need to say a few things. I did the coal walk! Just, I did it! Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss? Wow, I feel really good right now. Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. [turns and looks directly at Jim] Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just like weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford, and I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else. And that's... fine. It's... whatever. That's not what... I'm not... Okay, my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jim... and to everyone else in this circle I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay, I am going to go walk in the water now. Yeah. It's a good day. Michael: Pam, that was amazing. But I am still looking for someone with a sales background. [SCENE_BREAK] Group: Flintstones, meet the Flintstones. They're a modern stone-age family. Ba-ba-da-da-da. From the town of Bedrock, they're a page right out of history. Ba-da-da-da-da. [overlapping singing of the wrong verses] When you're with the Flintstones, have a yabba-dabba-doo time, a dabba-doo time, we'll have a gay old time! Michael: WWWWIIIILLLLMMMMAAAA! Andy: Nice!
doc_156	[Scene: The School Hallway. Dawson and Jack are walking down the hallway, when a student runs out in to the hall calling for people to follow him into the pool room.] Student: Everybody! The swimming pool! You've got to see what they did to the swimming pool. Student2: My! Joey: You don't see this every day. Mitch: What the hell is this? Principal: That's my boat... And my dog. Jack: Who could have possibly? Dawson: [Laughing] I should have thought of this. Joey: Dawson, while we do recognize your talent as a witty practical joker, I think that this is even out of your league. Principal: Chester. Come here. [Some students pull the boat to the edge and the dog hops off and walks up to Jack and sits down. Jack looks nervously down at the dog.] Principal: Do you know that dog, Mr. Mcphee? Jack: No. No. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The School Hallway. An announcement comes over the PA and as the students are called they walk out into the hallway.] Principal: [Over the P.A.] Will the following students please report to Principal Peskin's office immediately. Jack Mcphee, Zack Estrin, Dawson Leery, Dave Bussan, Pacey Witter. [Scene: The Principal's Office. There is a montage of Jack, Dawson and Pacey being questioned by the Principal and Mitch.] Principal: Process of elimination has made you one of the lucky 3 that I still consider to be a suspect in this crime. Now ,there's an easy way to do this, Mr. Witter, and there is a hard way. Pacey: Well, seeing as I have absolutely no idea what crime you're referring to, I'll probably take the easy way. Dawson: What, are you guys accusing me of something? Mitch: You know that you're the last person I would suspect of being responsible for a stunt like this, but you can also understand why we would have no choice but to bring you in. Jack: [Laughs] yeah. The dog fingered me. Mitch: We're on your side, Pacey, but we got to get to the bottom of this mystery. And circumstances require that we at least consider you as a possible suspect. Dawson: What circumstances would those be? Mitch: Well, given that you're my son, it, uh, follows that you would have access to my master keys to the school, thereby placing you on a rather short list. Principal: Mr. Witter, everyone in Capeside is aware of the rather sad fate of the late vessel true love, which, I believe, gave you access to the marine storage facility in the yacht club where my boat resided at the time of its boat napping, if you will. [Cut to Jack] Chester was taken sometime between 10:00 in the morning, when Mrs. Peskin let him out after breakfast, and noon, when she realized he was gone. So all you have to do is tell us where you were and who you were with yesterday morning. [Scene: Gram's Front Porch. Jack is outside the porch door banging on it and calling to Jen.] Jack: Jen! Jen, come on. Jen! Open the door. Jen: Oh. Oh. I'm still asleep. And this is a dream in which you're heterosexual. Jack: Yeah. These are for grams. Can you open the door, please? I got something way better for you. Jen: Really? Jack: Yes. Jen: What could possibly be better than a dapper, young lad bearing a floral arrangement? Jack: I talked to the guidance office. You know that community service, manual-labor thing you're supposed to be doing? Jen: Oh, yeah. Jack: I asked them if it was possible if you could fulfill your commitment by assisting me with my soccer team. Jen: And what'd they say? Jack: They said, "providing that kind of guidance for a kid "is exactly the kind of rehabilitating activity that your kind needs in order to mend her evil ways." Jen: Jack, I think I'm more qualified to pick up trash on the highway than mold impressionable young minds. Jack: Aw, come on. Look, I need you here. Every since Andie left, I've been barely getting by. I mean, the soccer parents have been completely unhelpful. And if that weren't enough, my star goalie broke his leg yesterday trying to jump off the roof of his house into his swimming pool. Jen: Ok. All right. You've sufficiently plucked my heartstrings. I'll do it. Jack: You're a goddess. Give these to grams when she gets back from church. Jen: Ok. Jack: Hey, I'll be back at 12:45 sharp to pick you up. Jen: Where are you going? I--I can make eggs. Um-- I got to, uh, I got to meet Drue at the hardware store. Jack: Why are you meeting Drue at the hardware store? Long story. It's a karma thing. Hey, I gotta run. [Scene: The Principal's Office. Mitch and the Principal are questioning Pacey to tell his tale.] Principal: You say you didn't pull this stunt. Fine. Convince me. Tell me everything, every single thing you did yesterday. Pacey: Yesterday. Now, let's see. Where was I? [Scene: Outside the Capeside Police Station. Joey and Pacey are standing together by her truck talking while waiting for Doug to come out.] Pacey: Where was I? Oh, yes. Right here. Joey: Hey, pace. Pacey: Mm-hmm? Joey: You are a pushover. You gave in. Pacey: No, I am not a pushover. I just felt the need to explore my options. Joey: Pacey, for 5 years, your brother has been nagging you about spending a day with him observing police policies, and you've always told him to just stick it. Then you take some meaningless career aptitude test, and suddenly you're watching the lost episodes of cop rock and taking him up on his dubious offer. Pacey: Well, don't you think I'd look sexy in a uniform? Hmm? Joey: Beside the point. Pacey: Oh, I don't think so at all. [Doug comes out waiting for him] Well, kiss me good-bye before I hit the rough-and-tumble asphalt jungle. Joey: I'll pray for you, sweetheart. Pacey: [Sighs] hi, Doug. Doug: Hey. Joey: Take care of this punk for me, will ya? See if maybe you can't straighten him out a little bit? Pacey: Straight isn't a really big part of Doug's vocabulary, you know. Doug: Yeah, that's funny. Hurry up. We gotta get going. [Scene: The Principal's Office. The Principal and Mitch are questioning Dawson about his whereabouts.] Dawson: Why are you staring at me like that? Mitch: When I got up yesterday morning, you weren't at the house. Dawson: Which proves that I kidnapped Chester? Aren't you guys working this whole, like, NYPD Blue angle a little hard? All right, um, in the morning, mom gave me a ride. [Scene: Outside Mr. Brook's House. Gale drive Dawson up to his house and Dawson gets out of the car.] Gale: Now, listen, get home as quickly as possible. I need you to find the keys to your dad's car, which I know you lost. Dawson: No, I had them. I had them here last night. After I went to the movies and before I went out, I took them with me. I think. Gale: Whatever. Just find 'em before he knows they're gone. Dawson: Bye. Gale: Have fun. [Mr. Brooks opens the door and looks out at Dawson.] Dawson: You summoned me. Mr. Brooks: I have a study where I keep my archives, all my papers. Needs to be cleaned out, sorted through. Dawson: Ok, but you're gonna have to pay me. Mr. Brooks: Excuse me? Dawson: I fulfilled my debt to you. I painted your house. I painted your fence. Your boat is fixed. We're even. It's over. So, I'll do this, but I'm gonna need some compensation. Mr. Brooks: No. [Dawson turns and begins walking away.] Mr. Brooks: All right. I'll pay you what you're worth. Very little. [Scene: The Principal's Office. The Principal and Mitch are questioning Jack about his Whereabouts and he begins his tale.] Jack: I was doing a project for chem. with Drue valentine. You know him. We had to go to the hardware store to pick up some supplies. [Scene: The Hardware store. Jack and Drue are walking down the aisle getting some of the pieces that they will need for their Chem. project.] Drue: I can't tell you how touched I am by the way you've reached out to me lately, jack. So moving. To be honest, I felt sure you held me at least somewhat responsible for that whole mess with your sister. Jack: Huh, whatever. Hey, you wanna go grab that paint? Drue: What paint? Jack: The paint. You know, for the project that we're doing. Come back to me, Drue. Look, all you gotta do is go get the paint and, um, and take this up to the register for me. Drue: Why can't you do it? Jack: Uh, one of the soccer goals on the field's falling apart. I gotta get some net, and if I don't fix it, nobody else will. Drue: Must be weird. Jack: What? Drue: Being selfless. [Scene: The Principal's Office. The Principal and Mitch are still trying to find out what they can from Pacey.] Principal: Where did you go with deputy Witter? Pacey: You mean my brother? Where do you think? [Scene: The local Donut Stop. Pacey and Doug are seated eating, yep, that's right, donuts.] Pacey: I'm shakin' my head in disbelief. Doug: Don't judge a book by its prologue, wise-ass. There's plenty more coming up fast, more than any episode of cops could teach you, believe you me. Pacey: Really? Doug: Mm-hmm. Pacey: Well, lemme brace myself for that. [Scene: The Principal's Office. Dawson is finishing up explaining what he was doing earlier in the day] Dawson: And that's it. I spent the rest of the morning alone in the study. [Door hinges squeak] [Inside Mr. Brook's house, he is looking through some of the stuff and comes across his yearbook, and as he pages through it he comes to Mr. Brook's picture in it and reads] Dawson: "Arthur Isaac Brooks. "Newspaper. Track and field. Aspiration to become a great Hollywood filmmaker." Oh, my god. [Scene: The Principal's Office. Dawson is still being questioned by Mitch and the Principal] Mitch: Dawson, I think it's time we discussed your infamous ninth-grade senior pact for a minute. Dawson: Dad, that was 4 years ago. Principal: Wait, what pact? Dawson: When I was in ninth grade, um, the seniors pulled a particularly lame prank. I think they graffitied the lockers and trashed the parking lot or something. It was embarrassing. And, uh, Pacey and I made a pact that when our time came, we would do it right-- the prank to end all pranks. We talked about it for years. Principal: So it was you! Dawson: No, it wasn't me. In case you haven't noticed, Pacey and I aren't exactly butch and Sundance these days. I didn't remember the pact until you sa Principal: well? What is it? Dawson: I can tell you I didn't do it. I can't speak for Pacey. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Principal's Office. Jack is back in the hot seat. Mitch and the Principal are back to questioning him again.] Mitch: so, you picked up Jen at 12:45. Jack: Mm-hmm. I think so. Did I say that? Mitch: What time did you get to the park? Jack: Um, I don't know. It was, like, 1:35-ish. [Scene: The Capeside Soccer Field. Jack is trying to set up the net as Jen is watching him to see what he is doing, but getting in the way at the same time.] Jack: Would you get your foot off the net?! Put your little doohickey Jen: I got it. I got it. I got it. All right, piece of cake. Jack: All right, I gotta take care of something. [He walks off] Molly! Double time. Over here. [Jen tries to set up the net and gets herself tangled up and falls.] Jack: [Chuckles] jeez. Jen: I'm just fine. Molly: What'd I do? Jack: Nothing, nothing. Relax. Deflate. Molly: What do you want? Jack: Well, I've got some good news. After a careful review of all the players on the team, I have decided to offer you the position of goalie left vacant by Kip's injury. Molly: Offering? Like, take it or leave it? Jack: Yeah. Well, it's, uh, I mean, you know... Molly: In that case, thank you, but no, thank you. Jack: W-w-whoa. No, thank you? Wha Molly: I'd really rather not. Jack: Yeah, but goalie is--is Molly: I'm left halfback. I like left halfback. I'd like to stick with left halfback, ok? Please? Jack: Ok. [Molly goes off and Jen comes up to stand with Jack.] Jen: I like that kid. Jack: Funny. Jen: You know, she reminds me of me at that age. Jack: No, she knows if I put her in goal, boys are gonna torture her out of spite. Jen: Well, that's because kids like molly and myself tend towards the easier alternative, the one with the least opportunity for embarrassment rather than glory. Yeah. Unless, of course... Jack: Unless, of course, what? Jen: You get us really pissed off. [Scene: The Principal's Office. Now it is Pacey's turn to be grilled some more. Mitch and the Principal are still at it trying to figure out who did it.] Principal: Now, let's cut to the chase, shall we? My boat was quietly removed from the storage warehouse behind the yacht club sometime between 12:30 P.M. And 5:15. Records indicate that you are the only senior who had access to that particular warehouse. Pacey: And just what records might those be? Principal: I'll be asking the questions, Mr. Witter. Ok. Pacey: All right, I'll talk. But I gotta warn you, it's gonna be deathly boring. [Scene: Inside the squad car. Pacey and Doug are sitting silently on the side of the road as Joey drives by them and honks the horn.] Pacey: Doug? Doug: Yeah? Pacey: Do you ever find yourself sittin' out here at the edge of the highway in your squad car, you got your radar gun in hand, been out here for 4 hours in which only 3 cars have passed, all going under the speed limit, and wonder just what the hell happened to your life? Doug: Pardon me? Pacey: Well, seriously, man. Look at you. For all your Elliot Ness dreams and Harry Callahan aspirations, you're nothing. I mean, nobody. At best, you're the barney fife of this little podunk town. What's that? Doug: Does this diatribe have a point, Pacey? Pacey: I--no. No, not really. I'm just a little disconcerted by it all. [Scene: The Principal's Office. Once again Dawson is in the hot seat. They are still trying to find out everything he did the day before.] Principal: So, at 12:00, you were still at the Arthur Brooks estate? Dawson: Yes, I was. By 12:30, I was more than ready to get out of there. [Scene: Mr. Brook's House. Dawson is still going through the stuff stached in the study when there is a car horn from outside. Dawson grabs his coat and heads for the door.] [Car horn honks] Mr. Brooks: Where do you think you're going? Dawson: Oh, uh, home. I'm done for the day. Mr. Brooks: The hell you are. If you think you can take my money and wander off to spoon with your girlfriend, you're sadly mistaken. Dawson: She's not my girlfriend. Mr. Brooks: If you're not back here within 3 hours, you can forget about being paid. [Outside Gretchen is in the car waiting for Dawson. He goes and gets into the car with her.] Gretchen: Your mom was stuck at the restaurant. She asked me to get you. Dawson: Oh, so I'm a favor. Gretchen: I didn't say that. [Chuckles] so, what was that about? Dawson: Oh, it's about what a complete and total jerk he insists on being. [Scene: The Capeside Soccer Field. Jack is telling about the soccer practice from the day before.] Jack: [Voice Over] Jen's insight into the 10-year-old psyche seemed valid. And even though practice was ending and the kids had 2 hours of freedom before the game, I still wasn't ready to give up on molly playing goalie. Jack: Molly. Molly, come here. You get any orange wedges? Molly: One. Billy took the other one and smashed it into the ground. Jack: Yeah, Billy's a jerk. Molly: Just wait until I'm 17 and hot. He'll regret messing with me. Jack: Look, molly, it doesn't matter if you're 17 or you're 45. These guys aren't gonna respect you unless you make them. Molly: How do I make them respect me? Jack: Look, molly, you gotta prove it to yourself. Ok? If you do that, if you believe that you're just as good as they are, I guarantee you the rest is just gonna take care of itself. Molly: You find a goalie yet? Jack: Nah. Molly: Can I still have it? Jack: Yep. Molly: Fine. Bring it on. You know, you just totally pulled a fast one on me. But I'm gonna let it go because you're right. But that doesn't mean that I don't understand exactly what you just did. Just bring it. [Scene: Dawson's Back Yard. Gretchen and Dawson pull up to the house to see Drue sitting on the steps waiting for him.] Gretchen: Whenever I see that guy, I can't help but hearing the Darth Vader theme. Dawson: Ha ha ha. I'm making an effort. Gretchen: Not to be cruel, but why? Dawson: Kind of a karmic decision. Thank you for the ride. Gretchen: Just doing your mom a favor. Dawson: Ha ha. Right. [Dawson gets out of the car and she leaves. Dawson goes up to Drue.] Dawson: Well, speak of the devil. Drue: The devil appears. Dawson: So, Drue, what brings you to my humble abode? Drue: First I just wanted to extend my gratitude for last night. Dawson: Oh, well, you know... We met at the movie theater. Common decency dictates I lend you 5 bucks for popcorn and ask you to sit with me. The burger afterwards was your idea. Drue: Small to you, but significant to me. I'm just grateful to finally find at least one ally in this strange and eclectic hamlet. You may be my first. Dawson: Well...Heh. I appreciate the thought, but you didn't have to come all the way down here just to tell me that. Drue: Right. That's not why I'm here. You left these in my car, man. [He hands Dawson the missing keys] Dawson: Ah. Thank you. Thank--I-- you just saved me from, like, a solid hour of paternal lecturing. Drue: It was the least I could do. And as I said, you know, you reached out to the new kid. What goes around comes around. Dawson: That is so true. [Scene: Sidewalk in the middle of town. Pacey is walking behind Doug as they are walking to someone's house.] Pacey: Would I be out of line if I asked what we're doing? Doug: Somebody stole a dog. Pacey: How do you know it didn't just get lost? Doug: We don't. The owner found some footprints in the dirt. It might be the gardener, but either way, we have to find this dog because it is a very important dog. Pacey: So, wait, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Is this what you meant when you told me that I'd learn more from watching you than from any episode of cops? Wh--oh, come on. Don't tell me you're still angry at your little brother for that whole "wasting your life" shtick. I only sort of meant it. Honest. Doug: I want you to listen to me very closely because I'm only gonna say this one time. If you ever in your life care about anything as much as I care about being an officer in this town, I will be shocked. If you ever in your life are as good at anything as I am at being an officer in this town, I will be shocked. If you ever in your life presume to judge me again, so help me god, I will beat the ugly right out of you. [Scene: The Principal's Office. Pacey has just finished telling his tale to Mitch and the principal.] Mitch: So what you're telling me is that you were looking for the very same dog that you're suspected of having taken? Pacey: Mitch, you are a sane and reasonable man, and it is obvious that I'm not responsible for this whole fiasco, so why are we still here? Mitch: We're still here because a certain fresh detail has come to light which suggests that we must, at the least, account for all of your whereabouts yesterday. Pacey: You discussed my ninth-grade pact with Dawson. Principal: Oh, you remember the agreement, too, I see. Pacey: Well, of course I remember it. It was my idea. But did it ever occur to you that my not-so-close acquaintance-slash- former best friend has hinted or possibly even implicated yours truly only to divert suspicion from himself? Principal: Mr. Witter, justice is blind. If Dawson is responsible, we'll nail him... Just as we'll nail you. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Principal's Office. Dawson is being questioned about so much that he is beginning to question why he is still there.] Dawson: How is it possible that we're still doing this? Principal: I'll tell you how. Capeside high, a facility to which you have had intimate access, must've been trespassed upon sometime after 5:30 P.M. When the cleaning crew went home. There were no signs of forced entry, which implies an inside job. Dawson: Dad, I was home last night. You saw me. Mitch: At 10:00. Uh, just tell us about the prior 5 hours-- afternoon and evening, where you were, who you were with-- and I promise you we'll be done with this. Principal: We'll be done with this when I've got my man. [Scene: Mr. Brook's House. Dawson comes into the house to find Mr. Brooks sitting at the table eating his dinner.] Mr. Brooks: Well, well, well, I'm surprised to see you here. Dawson: Uh, you shouldn't. I work here. Mr. Brooks: I don't think so. Dawson: I thought we had an agreement. Mr. Brooks: We did. You broke it. You're fired. Dawson: On what grounds? Mr. Brooks: You were playing footsie with your floozy when you're supposed to be doing a job. I guess I forgot you're just a hormonal adolescent. Dawson: What do you possibly hope to gain by insulting my friend? Mr. Brooks: I don't give a damn about you or your lady, but I do care about having my generosity taken advantage of. Dawson: Look, just because you are alone and your life is full of abandoned dreams does not give you the license to inflict your pain on me. Mr. Brooks: How dare you presume to understand me-- who I am, where I've been, what I've done? Now get the hell out of here. Dawson: Fine. [Scene: The Principal's Office. Jack is back telling his tales of the day before.] Principal: Well, you can go. Jack: I can? Principal: Mm-hmm. Just as soon as you tell us where you were between 5:30 last night and 8:00 this morning. Let's just stick to last night after 5:30. Jack: Once again, as I've already told you, we had a game. It was our first playoff game. [Scene: The Soccer field. Jack is getting everything going for the practice before the game. Jen comes up to join him.] Jen: hey, jackers. Jack: Hmm? Jen: Militant peewee parents at 2 o'clock. [Some soccer dads come over to him and Jen leaves. Gus does all the talking for them.] Gus: Jack. Jack: Gus. Gus: We're hearing a strange rumor from our kids that you're gonna put the-- put that little girl in for kip as goalie. Jack: Yeah. It's not a rumor. That's a fact. Gus: Yeah, well, I'm afraid we can't allow that. Jack: That's ok. You don't have to allow it. I'm the coach. It's my call. Gus: Jack, I represent, uh, parents who kept their mouths shut when certain alarming personal details came to light. But, hey, this is not personal. This is soccer. So let me give it to you real straight, jack. You put the little girl in for goalie, we'll lose the game. We lose the game, you lose your job. Ok. Jack: Yeah. I'll take that under advisement. Gus, if you fellas don't mind, I'd like to warm up my team. Gus: Yeah. Jack: Good. Thanks. [They leave him and Jen comes back to join Jack.] Jen: Ooh. Looks like pat Buchanan's posse. Jack: You're not gonna believe this. Jen: What? Jack: They said they're gonna fire me if I keep molly on goal. Jen: Are you kidding me? Jack, what are you gonna do? [Scene: The Principal's Office. Pacey is continuing the tale of his day with his brother.] Principal: W-wait a second. You couldn't find the dog, so your brother made you get in the back of the car? I'm confused. Pacey: I was confused, too. It seemed so blatantly hostile, even for Dougie. Frankly, when he went in, I considered making a break for it. [Scene: The Squad Car. Pacey is sitting in the back seat waiting for Doug and we can see that he is upset having to sit back there.] Doug: Ok. All right. [Doug and a gentleman come out of the store to the squad car, and the gentleman gets into the front seat as Doug puts his groceries in the back seat with Pacey.] Doug: Well, mike, the guy in the back's not a perp. He's my little brother. Mike: How goes it, junior Witter? Pacey: It's been better. [They arrive at Mike's House and Mike gets out of the car and starts to walk towards the door and Doug gets his groceries out of the back seat. Pacey looks to see Mike take a collapsible walking cane out of his pocket and set it up so that he can make his way the rest of the way to the door. Mike is Blind. You can see the guilt wash over Pacey's face.] Doug: Why are you looking at me like that? Pacey: Uh... No reason. [Scene: Mr. Brook's House. Dawson comes back to the house and goes in to the study to confront Mr. Brooks.] Dawson: [Voice over] An hour later, against my better judgment, I was back at the brooks house. Dawson: Today, when I was going through your things, I found your high-school yearbook. Underneath the picture, the caption said that your life's ambition was to become a Hollywood filmmaker. Uh, a pretty striking coincidence, given that I've had the exact same dream for as long as I can remember. Mr. Brooks: Good for you. Dawson: It scared the hell out of me. 'Cause I don't ever want to be like you. I don't ever want to be the kind of person who pushes everything and everyone away from him. I don't want to be alone. And I know that you don't want to be alone, either. You can't get rid of me, Mr. Brooks. What you say and do to everyone else, it might work on them, but it's not gonna work on me. So I'm back. And I'm gonna finish the job that I was hired to do. [Scene: The Soccer Field. Jack is watching the game unfold before his eyes and sees his team win.] Jack: [Voice over] Before I could even realize what was happening, it was over. Somehow we'd won the game. [Whistles blow] [crowd whoops and cheers] Jack: Come on! Hey! Whoo! Nice game, guys. Yeah, nice game. Good game. Congratulations, fellas. [Gus walks over to Join Jack] Gus: The kids played great. Jack, uh... Do you know anything about soccer? Jack: Yeah. My team's just won the first playoff game. I'd like to think I know something. Gus: Sure. Well, maybe you know that when a playoff game is tied, as our next game could be, a goal scored against us in previous games reflect on the eventual tally. Jack: Excuse me. Gus: If we tie the falcons on Wednesday, then the 3 goals that little girl let slip by will count against us. Jack: Well, then I'll just have to win that game against the falcons on Wednesday. Gus: That's where you're mistaken. You see, you can't beat the falcons on Wednesday, 'cause you're no longer the coach of this team. You're done, Mcphee. [Gus leaves and Molly has heard it all. Her eyes tear up and she runs away from Caroline.] Caroline: Molly! [A little later with Jack and Jen talking about what just happened.] Jen: They didn't. Jack: Yep. Yeah, they just did. [Scene: The Capeside Marina. Doug and Pacey come up to the closed gate of the Marina and Doug is shining his flashlight through the gate.] Pacey: [Voice Over] It was a little after 9:00 when we got the call, and Doug and I headed out to the boat yard. Pacey: You wanna go in, don't you? You know, I have the code. True love spent a couple nights in this motel, so I can just, uh... [Pacey keys in the code and the Gate opens and they walk in. Drue comes out from behind the boats.] Pacey: After you. Doug: Mr. Valentine, what brings you here skulking through the shadows at this hour of night? Drue: Anonymous phone call. Boat's missing. Doug: Now, why would someone call you? Drue: Well, they didn't, technically. They called my mother, and this falls under her jurisdiction, so she sent me out here to check it out. I called the police, which is why you are here now, deputy Witter. Doug: Except what you couldn't possibly know was that we also received an anonymous phone call roughly 20 minutes before your call, which begs the question, how do I know you didn't take the boat? Drue: Do you see a boat on me, man? I mean, you can frisk me if you want. I bet you'd like that. Come on, let's do the man dance. Well, ok. Well, then I guess I'm done, aren't I? [Drue Leaves and Pacey goes to follow after him.] Pacey: You know what? I think I'm gonna go, too, Dougie. Doug: Hey, Pacey, I can't drive you home now, all right? This is official police business. Pacey: That's all right. I'll get a ride with Drue. Hey, Drue, hold on a second. Doug: Hey, news flash, Pacey. You hate Drue. Pacey: Yes, I do, but it's only a ride home. And I'm trying to be a better person, just like you. Besides, it's a karma thing. Doug: Yeah. Good-bye. [Scene: The Principal's Office. Pacey is finishing up his tales of the day before. Mitch and the principal are taking in what he has told them.] Pacey: And that was it. Then I left with Drue. Principal: And where did you go? Pacey: Well, I wanted to grab a bite to eat. He said he was busy. He dropped me off at home. Within 25 minutes, I was sleeping like a baby. Principal: All right, Pacey. You can go. Thanks for your help. Sorry for the inconvenience. Pacey: Seriously? You're not just messing with me? Mitch: Get out of here, pace, before he changes his mind. [Pacey stands up] Principal: Something else, Mr. Witter? Pacey: Well, yeah, I was just thinking, honestly, I don't think Dawson did it, either. Principal: Why's that? Pacey: That guy's way too respectable to pull off that type of crime. At least not without my coaxing, you know? Just not that type of guy. [Scene: The Principal's Office. Dawson is about to leave and has decided to stop and tell Mitch and the Principal something] Dawson: Pacey might be cocky, but he's not an idiot. I mean, there's no way he would jeopardize his academic foothold for what was hardly the prank to end all pranks. Mitch: Ok. Thanks. [Dawson leaves.] Mitch: Well, Dave. Satisfied? Principal: Yes, Mitchell, I am. I'm very satisfied, indeed, considering that I know who did it. Mitch: Really? Obviously. Well, it's clear you don't watch inspector Poirot on A&E. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Principal's Office. Drue is in the Hot seat with his mother standing behind him. Mitch and the Principal are there to talk with him now.] Mrs. Valentine: There is neither rhyme nor reason that could account for your accusation that my son was a party to this practical joke. You gentlemen should be ashamed of yourselves. Principal: All right, Mrs. Valentine. If you're finished, I'd like to explain to you exactly how we know that your son was responsible for this debacle. Mrs. Valentine: Fine. This I have to hear. Principal: At 10:30 yesterday, your son was in Harry's hardware store purchasing a canister of white paint identical to the kind that was used to scrawl the words "class of 2001" on the sail of my boat. At 1:30, he was at the leery residence returning Mitch's keys, keys that could have easily have been copied earlier that day at the hardware store, giving Drue access to my school. At 9:30, he made one final appearance, this time at the storage warehouse behind the yacht club, under the pretense of having received an anonymous phone call. Your son was conveniently present at all the necessary moments, he acquired the means and resources to do the job, and he had the time to pull it all off... Without a hitch. Anything I left out, Mitch? Hey, that rhymes! Mitch: No, I, uh, think you've got it pretty much in the bag. Mrs. Valentine: You conniving brat. I should have known after last year's ferret incident. Principal: Well, Mrs. Valentine, one thing I've learned during my career as an educator is that, uh, children are fickle creatures. Mrs. Valentine: Does a week of suspension sound like a fair punishment to you? Principal: No. Try 2 weeks and, uh, probation for the rest of the year. You've got a history, Drue, that's proving to be quite telling. Ok, I think we're through here. Mrs. Valentine: Oh! Drue, get my purse. [Scene: The Capeside High Hallway. Drue is getting some books out of his locker as Joey walks by.] Drue: [Laughs] Hey. Harry potter. Come here. Joey: What's going on? Drue: Send a message to the boys for me. Tell them that I admire the brilliance of their design. No, wait. Just tell 'em I said touché. [Locker slams] Joey: which boys? What happened? Drue: Karma...Finally caught up with me. [Scene: Outside the Police Station. Pacey is waiting for Doug and holding a box of Krispy Kreme donuts.] Pacey: Look, I--uh, I just wanted to come by and say thanks for letting me do that whole ride-along thing yesterday. It was illuminating. Doug: Have you ever said anything that wasn't lined with sarcasm? Pacey: I'm admitting I was wrong, Doug. What you do, it matters as much if not more than any job I'll ever be able to hold down. Doug: Well, that's interesting, considering yesterday, you didn't think it mattered at all. Pacey: Well, now I think it matters. I mean, I know it matters to mike. I know it matters to some dumb kid you're gonna keep from killing all his friends in a car wreck when you pull him over for speeding and scare the crap out of him. And I'm guessing that it probably matters in a million other subtle ways that I, with the subtlety of an elephant in an antique shop, will never, ever notice. Doug: Yeah, well, if it wasn't me doing the job, it'd just be somebody else. Pacey: But it is you, Doug. It's you, and I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss that. I mean, to be perfectly honest, I should be so lucky to someday ride shotgun with you. Doug: I think that would be a mistake. Pacey: Hey, you don't think I'd make much of a cop, huh? Doug: No, not really, no. No. Pacey, I think that you're a daring original. I think you have a talent for flying in the face of conventionality, and I think that you were born to break the rules, not enforce them. And you know what? I actually admire that in you. I really do. Pacey: What? Did my big brother Doug just admit that he admired me for the first time ever? Doug: No, no, it's more like I'm just terrified at the thought of having to sit in that squad car with you for another minute. [Scene: The office at the Leery Fish House. Dawson is sitting at the computer looking something up on the internet when Gretchen walks in.] Gretchen: Whatcha doin', junior? Dawson: Ahh, this thing brooks said to me yesterday kinda got me thinkin'. I mean, as much as I'm claiming myself to be an encyclopedia of filmic history, it just occurred to me that maybe... Gretchen: Well, maybe what? Dawson: Maybe there's something I'm missing. [Gretchen looks over his shoulder to see what he is doing.] Gretchen: Well, maybe he used another name. You know, like Art or Artie or something. Dawson: What self-respecting artist would use "Artie Brooks" as their screen credit? Gretchen: I don't know. I mean, don't people sometimes use abbreviations or nicknames like... I don't know, chief, ace, doc... Really. Dawson: That great director, Chief Tarantino. Gretchen: Ok, now you're just being mean. Dawson: Hey, don't leave angry. [Scene: Jack's House. Jack opens the door to find Molly and Caroline standing outside the door.] Jack: Hey, Caroline, molly. Um, what's wrong? Caroline: Um, molly asked me if we could come and see you today. Jack: What is it, molly? Molly: I'm sorry I got you fired. Jack: What? Molly: [Sniffling] [Jack walks with Molly to sit on a bench] Jack: now, what would make you think that my getting fired had anything to do with you? Molly: [Crying] I heard-- I heard Billy's dad yelling at you after the game. And then today at school, they said if I would have stopped more goals, then you wouldn't have been... [Sobbing] I'm so sorry, jack. Jack: It's ok. Look, uh, molly... They fired me because they--they disagree with who I am as a coach, not you as a player. They knew I was right about you. They just couldn't admit it. And you knew it, too, didn't you? Hmm? Molly: Caroline said it wasn't my fault, but I couldn't believe her, because... Because I don't understand how anybody could fire you. [Sniffs] Jack: I'm confusing to people like Billy's dad. But we can't hate people because they're different. We just have to try and forget about them and--and just go on being the best person that we can be. [Scene: Dawson's House. Mitch opens the door to see Joey and lets her in.] Joey: Is Dawson here? Mitch: I'm not sure. You can check in his room if you'd like. Joey: Thanks. Mitch: Hey, Joey. If he is up there, tell him I know... And congrats. [She looks at him then walks up to Dawson's Room to see Dawson and Pacey putting Paint and some other items into a trash bag.] Joey: Ok, explanation time. [Jack comes climbing through the window.] Jack: It is a bitch gettin' up here without a ladder. Joey: Ahh. Jack: Joey. What's she doing here, guys? I thought that we were supposed to be doing this alone. Joey: I knew it. The three of you. You did it, didn't you? You guys put the boat in the pool. You did it! Pacey: Just calm down for a second. There's no reason to jump to silly conclusions. We didn't-- we didn't--we didn't pull the prank off. Dawson: We--we have airtight alibis. Jack: Yeah. Besides, we all know Drue did it. Dawson: On the other hand, if we had wanted to pull off the prank, the three of us, that is... Jack could have swung by the Peskins' sometime after he met up with Drue at the hardware store. He would have had time to leave the paint he "accidentally" took home and Chester the dog, with the necessary food and water, of course, tied up to a tree at a rendezvous point. Pacey: I could have gotten into the storage facility sometime after 1:30, when Drue dropped off the keys, Dawson: and before 3:30, when I had to get back to Mr. Brooks' house. Pacey would have given me the code... And I would have had the Mitch mobile to tow the truck back to the same rendezvous point jack had been to earlier. I then would have left the boat and car with Chester and the paint. Later on, Pacey could have asked Drue to drop him off somewhere near the rendezvous point. And, once arriving at the location, Pacey could have gathered up all the essential materials and then taken the whole production into the pool at the gymnasium to finish off the job. And by 11:00, we'd be done, and everyone would still be none the wiser. Of course, that's only a hypothetical. Pacey: Right. Jack: The truth is that Drue valentine is, was, and will always be the lone arch criminal behind it all. Well, I for one am glad to see that this kid finally got what was coming to him for so long. Joey: Karma. Pacey: Exactly. [Scene: In the middle of nowhere. Dawson and Pacey are burying the bag of stuff in the hole they dug in the ground.] [Shovel scraping] Pacey: what are you thinkin'? Dawson: I was thinkin' we pulled it off. Heh heh. Pacey: Ahh. I was thinkin' that something's been right tonight that hasn't been right for a long, long time. I just keep on forgetting why we're not still friends. Dawson: You know it's not that simple. Pacey: Course not. It's just that... Dawson: I know. Pacey: Let me tell you, Dawson, when you told me you'd never be able to trust me again, that was probably amongst the top 5 worst moments of my life. Dawson: When I walked out on my back porch and saw you and Joey, that was my worst. Number one with a bullet. Pacey: Do you think it's possible that someday I could convince you that maybe I'm the type of person that you could trust again? Dawson: I would like to believe that it is. Pacey: I gotta try. I'm not ready to give up on you. Dawson: Well, if it doesn't work out, we can always just kill each other.
doc_157	OPEN AT ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Lorelai, Rory, Emily, and Richard are eating dinner] EMILY: It's simply disgraceful. RICHARD: For years, we've had peace in the neighborhood. EMILY: I knew the Richmonds were going to be trouble when they missed the block party last month. LORELAI: I don't understand. They gave out full-size candy bars for Halloween. So what? EMILY: Not full-size candy bars, Lorelai - king-size candy bars. RICHARD: We've been giving out full-size candy bars for years now. EMILY: And then those people move in and throw the entire balance of the neighborhood off. They made everybody look ridiculous. RICHARD: It's very embarrassing. EMILY: I think we have to do something about this - maybe go to the homeowners association. LORELAI: Two Halloweens ago, someone painted the Duprees' Chihuahua orange and nobody went to the homeowners association then. EMILY: Well, everybody hated Taco. LORELAI: I think you're making a little too much of this. EMILY: I saw Mae Richmond at Bay Wellington's two weeks before Halloween. She had ample time to bring it up then, and nothing - not a word. I think it might be time to go after their ball machine. RORY: Their ball machine? RICHARD: They have a ball machine on their tennis court that is extraordinarily loud and unpredictable. EMILY: Flying, thumping balls all over the place. LORELAI: Flying, thumping what all over the place? EMILY: Balls. [Lorelai giggles] EMILY: You are four. LORELAI: And balls are funny. RICHARD: Don't worry, Emily. If the homeowners association doesn't do anything, we'll take this to the neighbors, get a petition going. LORELAI: Or if that doesn't work, you could throw some hoods on and burn a full-size Mars bar on their front lawn. EMILY: King-size, Lorelai - king-size. RORY: So, how's work, Grandpa? LORELAI: Look how smoothly she changes the subject. RICHARD: Work is lovely, Rory. How's school? RORY: Crazy. LORELAI: She's taking too many courses. RORY: I am not. EMILY: How many are you taking? LORELAI: Five. EMILY: Is five a lot? RORY: It's not a lot LORELAI: It is a lot. RICHARD: I took five courses when I was a freshman. Rory takes after me. RORY: I like to be busy. RICHARD: Idle hands are the devil's playthings. LORELAI: That's actually the title of one of her classes. RORY: Please don't worry about me. LORELAI: She says to the mother and the grandmother. EMILY: Are you done? RORY: Oh, yes, thank you. EMILY: Good, because we have mini lemon bundt cakes for dessert. LORELAI: Oh. EMILY: What? LORELAI: Well, they're serving full-size bundt cakes over at the Richmonds' house. EMILY: She's done. LORELAI: Oh, no, I have a carrot. EMILY: She's done. LORELAI: Bet the Richmonds would have let me eat my carrot. [opening credits] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Emily walks into Richard's study, where a photographer is setting up to take a picture of Richard and Jason] EMILY: All right, this should do it. RICHARD: May we please get this over with? EMILY: Patience is a virtue, Richard. RICHARD: And time is fleeting, Emily. EMILY: You're starting a new partnership. You need new photographs, especially with that new look. JASON: I thought I'd give a beard a try. EMILY: Well, I like it. All right, Helmut, we're all set here. HELMUT: Okay. Important men doing important things. [takes a picture] Good. Oh, one more time. We're going to sign, and. . .[takes another picture] We're done. EMILY: Thank you, Helmut. That was wonderful. RICHARD: And now we sign the real papers. JASON: I'm feeling historic. You? RICHARD: Oh, yes. It's Gettysburg all over again. Thank you. JASON: Important men doing important things. RICHARD: Now that makes it official. Jason. JASON: Let's give 'em hell. RICHARD: You bet. EMILY: Oh, I should have had Helmut get the handshake. RICHARD: The signing was fine, Emily. Sorry about the photo session. JASON: Oh, no, that's okay. I think it's a cute idea. EMILY: Yes, and when the financial papers call for an official photo, it'll be downright darling. RICHARD: I learned long ago, Jason, when it comes to things like this, Emily is always right. JASON: I am sure she is. EMILY: Thank you both. Jason, how's your time? Would you like to join us for dinner? JASON: Oh, I'd love to, Emily, but I should get these papers up to my lawyer's office. Next week? EMILY: Consider it an open invitation. JASON: Thank you. Richard, I'll see you tomorrow morning. RICHARD: Yes, you will. [Jason leaves] EMILY: "I think it's cute." RICHARD: He's young, Emily. EMILY: Yes, well, a good smack on that scruffy face of his would age him up a bit. All right, let's discuss the launch party. Do you have any sort of particular feel in mind? RICHARD: Well, I'll leave that to your discretion. Just make sure it's dignified. EMILY: We probably shouldn't go too fancy. Maybe we'll do one of those vodka bars - caviar, a Russian theme. I love that it's okay to be Russian again. RICHARD: It sounds lovely. EMILY: How's the 23rd? RICHARD: Perfect. EMILY: And I want you to get a new suit. RICHARD: I don't need a new suit. EMILY: And find out what Jason's going to wear. I don't want the two of you showing up looking like the Bobbsey twins. RICHARD: Oh, yes, that would be embarrassing. EMILY: I'll need a guest list. RICHARD: Uh huh. EMILY: A Russian theme. I like that. CUT TO YALE CLASSROOM [Rory is in one of her classes] PROFESSOR: The conquering peoples impose their own values on the subjugated peoples through education, and quite often through the appointment of a priesthood from among their own ranks. This means we should not assume that the system of values has in some way evolved in a region. It is almost always imposed with the explicit purpose of keeping power in the hands of the powerful. Something to think about until next week, when we will burst more of your illusions. . .which brings me to a bit of bad news. There was an error in the syllabus you received. The dates were wrong, which means that all of your reading has been pushed up one week. I apologize for this cruel little life experience, but what can I do? I just found out my in-laws are moving back to town. None of us are immune. I'll see you all Tuesday. CUT TO THE DRAGONFLY INN [The construction crew is working on the inn. Lorelai and Tom walk over to the barn.] LORELAI: So, we were thinking maybe two horses to start with. See, it's so charming with the overhang here. TOM: You want me to turn this into stables? LORELAI: Yes. TOM: Without a magic wand or some sort of fairy dust? LORELAI: Preferably, yes. TOM: Let me take a look inside. LORELAI: We'd like to keep the existing structure, please. KIRK: Lorelai, I'm all set up as soon as you're ready. LORELAI: Be right there, Kirk. KIRK: Okie dokie. TOM: How attached are you gonna get to these horses? LORELAI: What? TOM: You gonna name 'em, feed 'em apples, braid their tails? LORELAI: Why, Tom? TOM: Well, the roof's about to cave in so I can stay within our budget, but then I'd just call 'em all Trigger. LORELAI: Just tell me how much more it's gonna cost. TOM: Okay. [Sookie arrives] SOOKIE: Hey, you're here. LORELAI: I'm always here. SOOKIE: Listen, I want to talk to you about something very exciting. LORELAI: Ooh, very exciting. I love very exciting. SOOKIE: This morning I got a call from your mother. LORELAI: This is the very exciting? SOOKIE: Yes! She's doing a launch party for your father's new business and she wants us to do the catering. LORELAI: Us? SOOKIE: Us! LORELAI: Did you say us? SOOKIE: Yes. LORELAI: To her. Did you say "us" to her? SOOKIE: Yes. LORELAI: So she knows about us? SOOKIE: Yes, she knows about us, I think. What does she know about us? LORELAI: That we have a catering business? SOOKIE: Yes. LORELAI: Oh, man! SOOKIE: What? Did I do something bad? LORELAI: No, nothing, nothing. It's my fault. I forgot to tell her. SOOKIE: How could you forget to tell her? LORELAI: Well, I've only seen her forty or fifty times since we started the business. Now what did she say exactly? SOOKIE: Well, she asked me to cater, and I said we'd love to, and then she said, "we?" so I said you and I had started a company, so it'd be the both of us together, and she said fine. LORELAI: Was there a pause before "fine" or was it just "fine"? SOOKIE: I don't remember. I just remember the "fine." LORELAI: She's mad. SOOKIE: I swear she didn't sound mad. LORELAI: Okay. SOOKIE: Good. LORELAI: Now let's talk about how much I can't do this. SOOKIE: Look, I knew it would be a thing working for your mother, but it's perfect timing. This is probably the last job we'll be able to take before I have the baby. LORELAI: Something else will come along. SOOKIE: Not that pays like your mother does. LORELAI: You know why she pays so much? So she can torture you and you won't throw knives at her. SOOKIE: Look, you already know the house. Decorating, planning - it's gonna be a snap for you. I bet you can spend ninety percent of the evening in the kitchen, then we get to take home the pretty, pretty money. LORELAI: Sookie. SOOKIE: Pretty, pretty money. Aren't you a big fat wad of pretty money? LORELAI: Fine. SOOKIE: Really? LORELAI: Shouldn't ask again. SOOKIE: Accepting and moving on. KIRK: Excuse me, Lorelai. LORELAI: Oh, my God, Kirk, I forgot you were here. KIRK: If I had a nickel for every time I heard that. LORELAI: I'm very, very sorry. You have my full attention. SOOKIE: I'm gonna go. Um, we'll talk tomorrow about the details. LORELAI: Okay. All right, Kirk, show me what you got. KIRK: If you'll just follow me, I would like to present you with my new line of one-of-a-kind mailboxes. LORELAI: Wow. They look very nice, Kirk. KIRK: And whimsical. They say to the world, "I'll take my mail with a smile." LORELAI: Yes, they do say that. KIRK: And since you are one of our preferred customers, with the purchase of one of our mailboxes, I'll throw in a carved-duck doorstop and a garlic peeler. LORELAI: Wow, that's quite an offer, Kirk, but I think it's a little early for me to pick a mailbox. We haven't even settled on a color for the inn yet. KIRK: Well, whimsy goes with everything. LORELAI: Kirk, I promise, just as soon as. . .is that Condoleezza Rice? KIRK: Yes, it is. I'm a fan, and her big mouth is perfect for shoving mail in. LORELAI: Ha. Uh, I'll have to think about it. KIRK: Fair enough. So, I hear you're running a catering business now. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, just temporarily. KIRK: You guys any good? LORELAI: Not bad. KIRK: And how much would one have to pay for your culinary services? LORELAI: It depends, the type of food, number of people, kind of venue. KIRK: Simple food, two guests, my mother's living room. LORELAI: Really? KIRK: I have a visitor coming in from out of town and I thought it would be nice to serve her a catered meal. LORELAI: Her? KIRK: Actually, she was my brother's ex-girlfriend - Lulu. LORELAI: Good name. KIRK: I had sort of a crush on her for a while, and she's coming home to visit her mother, and she called me. LORELAI: Kirk, you have a date. KIRK: No, just an appointment to take Lulu to dinner. LORELAI: That's a date. KIRK: I don't have high hopes for it, if that's what you're thinking. LORELAI: Kirk, it's very sweet, but are you sure you want to have dinner in your living room? KIRK: Well, the breakfast nook doesn't seem festive enough. LORELAI: Right, but while you're having dinner in your living room, where will your mother be? KIRK: Probably in the living room. LORELAI: Is that what you really want? To have dinner with your mother watching? KIRK: I could ask her to face the wall. LORELAI: Or you could take Lulu out to a restaurant. KIRK: Which one? LORELAI: Well, what does she like? KIRK: I don't know. Should I call my brother and find out? LORELAI: I think if he knew, she'd probably still be with him. KIRK: I just really want it to be nice. LORELAI: Just take her someplace where you're comfortable. It doesn't have to be fancy. If you like it, she'll like it. KIRK: Okay. LORELAI: Just not one attached to a bowling alley. KIRK: That narrows it down a bit. I'll figure something out. LORELAI: Good. You'll see - it'll be great. KIRK: Do you think I could stop by tomorrow with some wardrobe choices for you to pick out? LORELAI: Kirk, you can dress yourself. Just look nice. You know, not too fancy. Clean. No jeans. Oh, maybe a sport coat. Eleven sound good? KIRK: Perfect. LORELAI: Okay. CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory walks into her suite. Janet is jogging on a trampoline in the common room] RORY: A trampoline. That's new. JANET: Helps with my shin splints. RORY: Huh. Wow. Squeaky. JANET: Yup. Phone. RORY: Thanks. [Rory walks into her bedroom. The phone is ringing. Paris is ignoring it] RORY: Paris, can you get the phone? Paris? PARIS: Don't answer it. RORY: Why not? PARIS: It's Jamie and we're fighting. RORY: Well, does he know you're fighting? 'Cause he's not hanging up. PARIS: Oh, he knows. Trust me, he knows. RORY: Okay. You're seriously not gonna answer that? PARIS: Nope. RORY: Paris, come on. PARIS: Fine. [picks up the phone, then hangs it back up] There. RORY: Why are you and Jamie fighting? PARIS: Because he's wrong. RORY: Oh, okay. [the phone starts ringing again] PARIS: He won't listen to me. [picks up the phone] You won't listen to me! [hangs up] He's in love with the sound of his own voice. You'd think he was already president and I don't want to be Hillary. I don't want to wait for a hundred years while he does his thing so by the time I get my chance, I'm too old to enjoy it. RORY: Well, I don't think Hillary's too old to enjoy it. PARIS: Fine. Be on his side. RORY: I'm not on his side. I'm on her side. [the phone starts ringing again] PARIS: Don't answer it. RORY: Paris, I have to study! PARIS: Go ahead. RORY: I can't! PARIS: Why not? RORY: The phone. PARIS: Don't, Rory! I mean it! RORY: [answers the phone] Hello? Hi, Jamie. Yes, she is here. PARIS: No. RORY: Paris, you're acting stupid, okay? You love Jamie, so just get on the phone and work it out so that I can study, okay? PARIS: [takes the phone] What? No, I haven't thought about what you said. Because I'm very busy, Jamie, and contrary to your beliefs, I have better things to occupy my time with than thinking about you. Or what you said. Or what you meant or what you want or anything about you or concerning you. [Rory grabs the phone from her] Hey! RORY: Have him call you back on your cell phone. Then you can talk to him outside. It's nice outside. There are birds and trees. PARIS: My cell phone is dead. RORY: Then take mine. PARIS: What's your phone plan? RORY: Why? PARIS: 'Cause I'm not gonna borrow your phone and get slammed with a massive charge because your phone plan sucks. RORY: Paris! PARIS: [on phone] Jamie, I'm going to call you back on Rory's cell. Yes, I am. Yes, I am! RORY: Yes, she is! PARIS: Okay, bye. [hangs up] RORY: Here. PARIS: I'll be back. RORY: Take your time. [Paris leaves. Rory sits down to study, but is distracted by the sound of the TV. She walks to the common room] RORY: Tanna, I'm trying to study. TANNA: Okay. RORY: I can hear the TV through the wall. TANNA: Okay. RORY: It's distracting. TANNA: Are you telling me to turn it off? RORY: I'm not telling - TANNA: You can, you know, because your grandma paid for the TV. RORY: I'm not telling you to turn the TV off. TANNA: Because you can. RORY: The TV belongs to all of us. TANNA: If it's a matter of volume, I could press my ear to the speaker and then I could turn it really low. RORY: Never mind. TANNA: The problem there is that the speakers for the TV are mounted up in the corner of the ceiling, but perhaps if I got a ladder. RORY: Never mind, Tanna. TANNA: Are you sure you don't want me to turn it off? [Rory leaves] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Sookie takes a pan of broccoli tarts out of the oven. She picks one up and holds it out toward Lorelai] SOOKIE: Try this one. LORELAI: Sookie, I love you, I love your cooking, but I swear if you make me eat one more bite of broccoli tart, I will beat you to death with it. SOOKIE: Your mother is the pickiest woman I have ever catered for. She has impeccable taste, the highest standards, and she can smell an inferior tart a mile away. LORELAI: Well, depending on how long it's been left out, we all can. SOOKIE: You know, she still hasn't called yet. LORELAI: She will. SOOKIE: But she was supposed to call about the details a couple of days ago. LORELAI: She will, Sookie. SOOKIE: But it's coming up and we still don't know if she wants a fish course or a cheese course. LORELAI: We'll make a fish-cheese combo course just to be sure. SOOKIE: Lorelai. LORELAI: Why do I have to call her? SOOKIE: Because technically you're doing the organizing, and I've got batter hands. Oh, ask her about the foie gras. Is it too expected? 'Cause I can make it with a, you know, cherry compote. Okay. You know. . .you know what to say. LORELAI: [on phone] Hello, Mom. EMILY: Lorelai, hello. How nice to hear from you. LORELAI: How are you doing? EMILY: Well, I'm just fine, thank you for asking. LORELAI: Good, I'm glad to hear it. EMILY: And I'm glad to report it. LORELAI: Uh, so the reason I'm calling is we haven't heard from you yet, and we really need to nail down some of the details of the party. EMILY: "We" haven't heard from you yet? LORELAI: Yes, we - me and Sookie. EMILY: Ah, yes, the Independence Catering Company. LORELAI: Uh huh. So, anyhow - EMILY: You know, a few years ago, there was a company called Independent Catering. They were all the rage until they catered the Kirov benefit for diabetes that sent 300 people to the hospital with a vicious case of food poisoning. Well, needless to say, they went out of business immediately, and I believe one of them left town without packing. LORELAI: Oh, well, that's a good story. Hans Christian Anderson? EMILY: You know, some people could mistake the Independence Catering Company with the Independent Catering Company, and that would just be a shame for you, wouldn't it? Now if I'd known what you were going to name your company, I could have warned you. LORELAI: Mom, I swear, I tried to tell you. EMILY: You did? LORELAI: Yes, I did. I sent you a flier. Didn't you get my flier? EMILY: No, I did not get your flier. LORELAI: Oh, well, I sent it, and to be, um, honest with you, I was a little hurt that you didn't call to congratulate me, but now that I know you didn't get it, I forgive you. EMILY: When did you send a flier? LORELAI: Last week. EMILY: What did it say? LORELAI: Oh, you know. . .come and get it. EMILY: You wrote "come and get it" on your business flier? LORELAI: Well, no, it was your basic "Introducing the Independence Catering Company", uh, flier. You know, it had our phone number, our address, and an amusing caricature of us. EMILY: Well, that sounds like a very nice flier. LORELAI: Oh, it was. EMILY: Do you have an extra one? You can bring it with you on Friday night. LORELAI: Uh, sure. EMILY: Because it's very unusual these days for things to get lost in the mail. You don't think you got the address wrong, do you? LORELAI: Mom, the party? EMILY: All right. I'm going to want a mixture of white, off-white, and cream-colored linen. A simple bone china with a gold or deep-blue stripe will work. LORELAI: Okay, got it. EMILY: I'm going with tapers cut in half so that people can see each other across the table. We'll need white and sterling roses, but not too high or formal. Do you have a florist? LORELAI: I have a florist. EMILY: Does he have a flier? LORELAI: Do you want clear or silver vases? EMILY: You must think I'm a complete idiot. LORELAI: No, Mom, I don't. EMILY: There is no flier. You're making it up to cover for the fact that you once again neglected to tell me about an important event in your life. LORELAI: Mom, I swear there's a flier. EMILY: Shame on you for swearing there's a flier. That's the worst possible thing you could do. LORELAI: Liv Tyler grew up her entire life thinking Todd Rundgren was her real father. You think that might knock this out of first place? EMILY: I tell you, if I saw this kind of behavior from some other company I was hiring, I would fire them on the spot. LORELAI: Then fire us, Mom. EMILY: Excuse me? LORELAI: You are not hiring your daughter and her friend, you are hiring a professional catering company. This is not a favor, it is a business transaction, and I must insist that you treat us exactly as you would any other person off the street. EMILY: As you wish. LORELAI: Thank you. Now I'm sorry, but we're very busy with preparations for your event, so I'm gonna have to hang up now. Goodbye, Mother. EMILY: Goodbye. [they hang up] LORELAI: Aah! Horrible woman! SOOKIE: You, uh, forgot to ask about the menu. [Rory walks in] RORY: My dorm room has turned into a "Three Stooges" movie. Shove Pop Tarts under the door in two hours please. LORELAI: Uh, honey. . . [They walk into Rory's bedroom, which is filled with trays of broccoli tarts] RORY: You quiched my room. SOOKIE: They're not quiche. They're broccoli tarts. RORY: Well, then you tarted up my room. LORELAI: I'm sorry, honey, I didn't know you were coming home today. Sookie's just trying some things out for Grandma's party. RORY: How am I supposed to study when it smells like broccoli? LORELAI: Well, study in the living room. RORY: This is not living room study. This is serious bedroom study. I have a ton of work to do. LORELAI: Well, hey, here's a crazy thought - isn't there someplace at Yale you can study? Don't they have like a hundred libraries? RORY: Yes, but they don't have that right vibe. They're too quiet and too big and drafty. Very, very drafty. LORELAI: At least they don't smell like quiche. SOOKIE: Enough with the quiche, okay? RORY: I can't believe I came all the way home and there's nowhere to work. LORELAI: Well, it's just temporary. RORY: 'Til the sewing machine comes. LORELAI: Oh, hey. . .you know how many kids in India would love to come home to a room full of quiche? Sorry - tarts. SOOKIE: Tarts are totally different. LORELAI: I know, honey. I know. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Kirk walks in] LUKE: Have a seat, Kirk. I'll be right there. [walks over to Caesar] Caesar. CAESAR: Yes? LUKE: You know what the key to a truly successful tuna melt is? CAESAR: What? LUKE: Tuna. CAESAR: That's not tuna? LUKE: No, it's turkey. CAESAR: Give me the plate. I'll do it again. LUKE: Don't get exasperated with me. I'm not the one that made the wrong sandwich. [walks over to Kirk] What are you doing, Kirk? KIRK: Say I was Tom Cruise. Where would you seat me? LUKE: In an acting class. KIRK: No, I mean, which do you consider the best seat in the house? LUKE: I don't know. KIRK: How are the acoustics here? LUKE: What? KIRK: Well, the bathrooms are right over there. One good loud flush and the entire mood is spoiled. LUKE: I don't have time to kill you right now, Kirk. Come back in a couple of hours. KIRK: All right, I'll just reserve these three tables and decide later. LUKE: Reserve these three - KIRK: For Wednesday night, eight o'clock. LUKE: We don't take reservations, Kirk. KIRK: But this is a special occasion. And Lorelai told me to go somewhere I'm comfortable, and I'm comfortable here. LUKE: You are? KIRK: Well, not at this moment, but previously I have been comfortable here. Please? LUKE: What's the occasion? KIRK: I have a date with a young lady. LUKE: You really felt the need to add the "with a young lady" part? KIRK: Kinda. LUKE: Okay, you can have one table for eight o'clock. KIRK: Thank you. Here. LUKE: What's this? KIRK: It's a diagram of how I would like the table set up. See - little flowers by her plate, and the champagne bucket over here so I don't accidentally knock it off the table with my elbow. LUKE: I don't sell champagne, Kirk. KIRK: Why not? LUKE: Because this is a diner. KIRK: Good champagne goes with everything. LUKE: Get your own champagne, Kirk. KIRK: But what about the flowers? LUKE: Kirk. KIRK: Okay, fine. I'll get the champagne and the flowers. Now, let's say the date goes well. How much for the place upstairs? LUKE: You mean my apartment? KIRK: Yes. LUKE: Bye, Kirk. KIRK: Okay, see you later. [to female customer] Excuse me, is that good? CUSTOMER: Yes. KIRK: And what is that? CUSTOMER: Meat loaf. KIRK: Okay, so, this meat loaf, is it a romantic food for you? I mean, is it getting you hot? LUKE: Kirk! KIRK: Good talking to you. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Lorelai and Sookie arrive and unload some things from the back of the Jeep] LORELAI: I can't believe we're doing this. SOOKIE: Well, you did tell her to treat us like any other catering service. LORELAI: "I'd like you to do a test meal, Lorelai. After all, you are a new company." Ugh, she must be so happy right now. She's probably been cackling into her magic mirror all morning. SOOKIE: It's going to be a breeze. You wait and see. LORELAI: Three hours of bowing and scraping. SOOKIE: We are not going to be bowing and scraping. We're going to be serving and delighting. LORELAI: Anything to humiliate me, anything at all. SOOKIE: Wow! You grew up here? LORELAI: I swear, if she makes me wear a uniform. . . SOOKIE: This is Citizen Kane's house. LORELAI: Drape one of those napkins over my arm. SOOKIE: Is there a moat? [they ring the doorbell] LORELAI: Just help me out here, okay? Run interference whenever you can. SOOKIE: I promise. [the maid answers the door] MAID: May I help you? SOOKIE: Hi. We're the caterers. We're here for - MAID: The servants' entrance is around back. [shuts the door] SOOKIE: Was that a maid? LORELAI: Come on. SOOKIE: What are all those tennis balls doing over here? CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory walks in and heads toward her suite. A student walks past her] GLENN: Irish studies suck, German studies suck, everything here sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks! RORY: That yoga's really working for you, Glenn. [Rory stops outside her suite door and listens to the noise inside - the television, the squeaking trampoline, the phone ringing.] PARIS: [from inside the suite] Don't get that, I mean it! Do not touch that phone! [Rory walks out of the dorm. She goes outside and sits down under a tree to study] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Emily is seated at the dining room table, Lorelai is standing next to her. Emily adjusts the position of a wineglass] LORELAI: Oh, great, I'm glad you got that. It's been bugging me for the last. . . EMILY: Is this the off-white or the cream? LORELAI: Uh, the off-white. The cream is more creamy. I cut those myself so they could be adjusted either way. I mean, they could be adjusted smaller. Taller would be tougher once they're cut, but, uh, if they tell a lie, they'll shoot right back up. EMILY: I assume you'll have servers. LORELAI: Yes, we will. EMILY: I assume you'll instruct your servers to omit the Pinocchio humor. LORELAI: Yes, we will. [Sookie walks in with some dishes of food] SOOKIE: Okay, here we go. Now, we would start off with either the roasted asparagus with the Parmesan or the trio of winter soups - tomato basil, butternut squash, and Catalonian garlic. EMILY: Very ambitious. SOOKIE: And very tasty. [While Emily examines the food, Lorelai and Sookie gesture to each other, then quickly stop when Emily looks up] LORELAI: I'll tell the servers not to do that either. EMILY: Lorelai? LORELAI: Yes? EMILY: My napkin. LORELAI: Oh, oh, well, yes. Napkin, yes, your napkin. I got it. Do you want me to just tuck it in your shirt there or. . . EMILY: My lap will be fine. LORELAI: Okay. There you go. Feel free to spill anything you want down there. You are covered. [Emily tries some of the food while Lorelai and Sookie look on] EMILY: What is the next course? SOOKIE: Lobster potpie. EMILY: You may bring it out now. SOOKIE: Okay. EMILY: Sookie, how far along are you? SOOKIE: Eight months. EMILY: Lorelai, there doesn't seem to be any reason for a pregnant woman in her eighth month to be running back and forth to the kitchen, does there? LORELAI: No, there doesn't. EMILY: You should take my plate. Otherwise, you'll have no place to put the potpie. LORELAI: Oh, I can think of a place. EMILY: What was that? LORELAI: Plates going bye-bye. [Lorelai walks to the kitchen] LORELAI: [to the maid] Okay, when I give the signal, you run in and distract her and I'll take her down. Got it? [Lorelai returns to the dining room] LORELAI: Here we go - Sookie's famous lobster potpie. EMILY: Very nice crust. SOOKIE: Thank you. EMILY: Well, Sookie, I must say your food is as accomplished as I remember it. SOOKIE: Oh, thank you, Emily. EMILY: And I think after we fine-tune the presentation, we'll have ourselves a very nice dinner party. SOOKIE: So we got the job? EMILY: Yes, you got the job. SOOKIE: We got the job. Thank you. You will not be disappointed. EMILY: No, I will not. The event starts at 7:30, I would like you to be here at four o'clock. I'm going to make a Xerox copy of my notes here so the two of you can peruse it on the way home. [leaves the room] SOOKIE: We did it, we got the job! What a score! We landed a whale. LORELAI: Yeah, we always had the job, Sookie. The whale was just toying with us. She was swatting us with her tail and hosing us down with her blowhole because that is the whale's M.O. - humiliate and rip apart every other fish in the sea until there's nothing left but a bloody pile of chum. SOOKIE: Boy, you really hate whales, don't you? [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory is on the phone] RORY: It's amazing. Out of the blue, bam! It was right there. LORELAI: Well, things always happen when you least expect it. RORY: I have to tell you, this tree is perfect. LORELAI: All girls think their tree is perfect. RORY: It fits my back completely, and there's plenty of grass, and it's in a great area - just far enough away from anything major so there's not a lot of noise but still not in Siberia. LORELAI: Hey, can it cook? 'Cause I can get it a great gig with a crazy woman. RORY: Grandma's not crazy. She's specific. LORELAI: Well, at least one of us is happy. RORY: And thank God it's me. LORELAI: My feelings exactly. RORY: You have no idea how much studying I got done today. Seriously, ask me anything. LORELAI: Okay. Um, how'd I get shanghaied into catering a party for my mother? RORY: You keep repeating yourself. LORELAI: Well, as soon as I hear you talking about a study shrub, I'll know it's time to move on. RORY: Okay, fine, I have to go. LORELAI: Yeah? Gonna go shopping for a nice yellow ribbon? RORY: Have some chili fries for me. LORELAI: I will. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Cheeseburger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I'm looking for heroes. LUKE: How'd the tasting go? LORELAI: We got the job. LUKE: Would have been pathetic if you hadn't. LORELAI: I can't do this. LUKE: It's a gig. LORELAI: Yes, it is a gig. It's Prince opening for the Rolling Stones. That's the kind of gig it is. [Lorelai sees Kirk sitting at a table with a video camera set up across from him] LORELAI: Luke. . . LUKE: Yeah? LORELAI: What's Kirk doing? LUKE: Practicing. LORELAI: Hm. For what? LUKE: His date. He's doing a test run - talking, eating, making conversation. Then he's gonna go home and review the tape and adjust from there. LORELAI: Boy! You ever think about how many different ways Kirk could get kicked out of the Army? LUKE: What a poor slob. He's pathetic. LORELAI: He likes a girl. That's sweet. LUKE: All day long, I have this crazy person sitting in my diner ordering everything off the menu, by the way, to see which meal has less crumb-to-sweater ratio. LORELAI: Well, if he's bugging you that much, you can ask him to leave. LUKE: You ask him to leave. It's your fault he's here. LORELAI: How is it my fault? I'm not going out with him. LUKE: You're the one that told him to find someplace he felt comfortable. LORELAI: How did I know he felt comfortable here? LUKE: I don't know. All I know is that you talked to him, and now he's over there talking to a camera. LORELAI: Oh, come on, Luke. Give him a break. He wants the date to go well. I mean, it's all any of us wants - to find a nice person to hang out with 'til we drop dead. Not a lot to ask. LUKE: I guess. LORELAI: And look on the positive side - if Kirk's date goes well, he'll be occupied, and you'll be seeing a lot less of him at the diner. KIRK: Cut! Okay, that sucked! Let's just go again right away. Focus! Focus. LUKE: I'll have his monogrammed booth installed tomorrow. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Emily is looking over some papers in the dining room when Richard walks in] RICHARD: All right, I think this should be everyone. EMILY: You've double-checked it? RICHARD: I have double-checked it, but I'm sure you will also double-check it. EMILY: You know I will. RICHARD: So I am entirely confident that no one will be left out. This is very nice. EMILY: Isn't it, though? It's a florist Lorelai found. We're using him for the party. RICHARD: Oh, I think that will be perfect. EMILY: It has to be perfect. These are important people we're trying to impress. [Jason walks in] JASON: Richard, Emily. RICHARD: Jason, what a pleasant surprise. EMILY: Richard, you should have told me Jason was coming over. I would have had something prepared. JASON: Oh, please, Emily, I've gained ten pounds since I came into this house. EMILY: Men always say that and it's never true. JASON: I just dropped by for the keys to the office. RICHARD: Ah, that's right. Forgot to give you the keys. Oh, my apologies, Jason. Here you go. JASON: Thank you. Sorry to interrupt your evening. I'll see you tomorrow. EMILY: Oh, Jason, I'm going to need your guest list as soon as possible. JASON: My guest list? EMILY: To the launch party. Oh, Richard, you did remember to ask Jason for his list, didn't you? RICHARD: Emily, I am a very busy man. EMILY: Oh, honestly, Richard, that's what you have a secretary for. Jason, I apologize for my husband. The official launch party for your company is next week. I've got the entire thing organized. All I need is your guest list. JASON: You organized a launch party. RICHARD: Yes, and trust me when I tell you that there is no one who can throw together a more elegant event at the drop of a hat than Emily Gilmore. EMILY: True, and thank you, and you still forgot to tell him. JASON: Well, Emily, I really appreciate the thought, but I'm not so sure a launch party is the way to go. EMILY: What do you mean? RICHARD: Well, Jason, it's traditional to do something for our clients. They appreciate it. It gives us a chance to talk to them one-on-one, develop relationships. EMILY: It's the extra little things that set you apart in business, Jason. JASON: I couldn't agree more, and that is why I've organized a trip to Atlantic City. EMILY: What? JASON: You know, get everybody out, away from business, away from their spouses, away from stuffy cocktail-party music and floral arrangements. Have a little crazy fun - you know, good food, lots to drink, maybe a little gambling, a show, and trust me, nothing bonds two businessmen together more than one of them finding the other hung over with a hooker in their bed the next morning. EMILY: What? JASON: Just a figure of speech, Emily. EMILY: You cannot be serious. These are dignified men and women. There are mobsters in Atlantic City. JASON: Let's hope so. EMILY: Talk to him. RICHARD: Well, Jason, I'm not so sure this - JASON: Richard, this is the kind of thing that could set us apart from the other companies. It's different, maybe a little crazy, but they will remember it and they will tell their friends about it. RICHARD: Yes, I suppose they will. JASON: Every other company in town is throwing a dignified cocktail party. Believe me, right now my mother has twelve caterers throttling every sturgeon they can find to get fine caviar for my father's clients. Let's not give our clients canapés, Richard. Let's give 'em some fun. RICHARD: Well, it is different. EMILY: You can't be serious. RICHARD: Well, it's good to change with the times. EMILY: You're running an insurance company, not a rap label. People aren't looking to you to give them a good time. They are looking to you to protect their livelihood. RICHARD: Now let's think about this for a moment. I mean, how far along is this party? Is it too late to cancel? EMILY: No, it's not too late to cancel. RICHARD: All right. Jason, we'll try it your way. Atlantic City it is. JASON: I think it's a good move, Richard. And Emily, thank you again for the offer. But see, now you can just hang out and relax. EMILY: My two favorite things. RICHARD: All right, see you tomorrow. JASON: See you tomorrow. CUT TO YALE [Rory walks up to her study tree and finds a guy reading under it] RORY: Um, excuse me, you're sitting under my tree. GUY: What? RORY: My study tree - this is my study tree. GUY: What the hell's a study tree? RORY: Okay. See, I have roommates - GUY: So do I. RORY: Yes, but I have Paris and I have Tanna and I have Janet, and Janet squeaks - GUY: Look, I'm busy, okay? RORY: Yes, I see you're very busy with your "Trucker's Monthly" there, but I finally found a great place to study, and you're sitting on it. GUY: There's a million trees on campus. RORY: But this one fits my back perfectly so I don't get tired, and the light is right, and it's just far enough away from anything busy so that the noise level is perfect, and it's quiet but not Unabomber, and. . .and anyhow, I was just hoping that maybe you would consider giving me back my tree. GUY: No. RORY: Oh. Well. . . CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Kirk and his date walk in] KIRK: After you. LULU: Wow, this place seems nice. KIRK: Yes, diners are apparently all the rage nowadays. LULU: Really? KIRK: Very hip. Very, very hip. Excuse me. LUKE: Yes? KIRK: I believe I have reservations for two. The name's Kirk. LUKE: Kirk, yes. Okay. Follow me. How's this? KIRK: Very satisfactory. Thank you. [hands him a dollar bill] There's more where that came from. LUKE: It's my lucky night. LULU: Wow, I'm getting the fancy treatment. KIRK: Well, you did show up. LULU: Yes, I did. KIRK: I hear the meat loaf is excellent here. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [There's a knock at the door] LORELAI: Coming, coming, coming. [she opens the door] Mom. EMILY: Were you asleep? LORELAI: Uh, no. EMILY: Then why are you in your pajamas? LORELAI: These aren't pajamas. EMILY: You wear that in public? LORELAI: Hi, Mom. Would you like to come in? [they walk to the living room] EMILY: You have the word "juicy" on your rear end. LORELAI: Uh, well, if I had known you were coming over, I would have changed. EMILY: Into what, a brassiere with the word "tasty" on it? LORELAI: Hey, Mom, what can I do for you? EMILY: I have to talk to you about something. LORELAI: Is everything okay? EMILY: I'm afraid you aren't going to be catering the launch party after all. LORELAI: What? Why? EMILY: Your father and I just decided to go a different way, that's all. LORELAI: A different way? EMILY: Now, of course, I realize you've already put out some money. LORELAI: Yeah, we have. EMILY: Of course, I will reimburse you for all expenses. Just give me the receipts. LORELAI: Great. EMILY: That's it. That's all I came to tell you. LORELAI: Okay, well, thanks for the notice. EMILY: You don't have to take that tone with me, Lorelai. LORELAI: Really, I don't? After you made us do that ridiculous tasting at the house? EMILY: You told me to treat you like any other company. LORELAI: Oh, but you sat there like the Queen of England, making us jump through hoops and taking ridiculous notes and for what - so you could fire us? Is this payback for me not telling you about the business? Because, I have to say, Mom, even for you, it seems a little extreme. EMILY: I understand you're upset. LORELAI: Yes, I'm upset! We needed that money, Mom. And I knew that humiliation was part of the package, but I did it because I had to, and - just you abruptly firing us is completely wrong! EMILY: I agree, it is wrong. LORELAI: Well, okay, then. . .as long as you agree it's wrong. . what? Okay. EMILY: I'm sorry, Lorelai. I really am. I thought your table was lovely. I thought the food was wonderful. I was really looking forward to this party. I think it might have been the best one I ever put on. LORELAI: So, then, what happened? EMILY: Oh, you know, times change, Lorelai. Things that were once considered proper and elegant are now considered stuffy and out-of-date. LORELAI: Like what? EMILY: Like canapés and cocktail parties and the people who plan them. LORELAI: Mom, what are you talking about? EMILY: Nothing. It's not important. LORELAI: Mom, come on. EMILY: Jason decided to take the clients to Atlantic City instead. He thinks that's what they would prefer to do. He's probably right anyhow. What do I know? LORELAI: Did he know all the work you put into this? EMILY: It's really not important, Lorelai. I do this for your father. I have done this for your father for the last 36 years. If he thinks that Jason's right, then it's fine with me. And after all, now I don't have to worry about a party. I can just relax and hang out. LORELAI: Mom. EMILY: Anyhow, I have to go. I'm wasting all my hanging-out time sitting here talking about this silly party. Send me those receipts and I'll get you a check. LORELAI: Okay, well, great. EMILY: Apologize to Sookie for me, will you? LORELAI: Sure. EMILY: We'll see you girls Friday night. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Kirk and Lulu are still on their date] LULU: [laughs] Oh, my gosh, that's so funny. That's amazing, you sound just like him. [Luke watches them for a moment, then starts making some coffee. Kirk comes up behind him] KIRK: Luke. LUKE: [startled] Jeez! Kirk, what are you doing? KIRK: I need your help. LUKE: I'm filling the coffee here. KIRK: Look behind me. LUKE: What am I looking at, Kirk? KIRK: Is she still there? LUKE: Who? KIRK: Lulu. Is Lulu still there? LUKE: You mean your date? KIRK: Yes, Lulu, my date. Who else would I mean? Catch up, man. Time is of the essence. LUKE: Yes, she's still there. KIRK: Are you sure? LUKE: Yes, I'm sure, now get out from behind my counter. KIRK: I don't know what to do. LUKE: What are you talking about? I just looked over there and everything seemed fine. KIRK: Exactly. Everything seemed fine. LUKE: So? KIRK: Doesn't that seem weird to you? LUKE: No. KIRK: Really? LUKE: Yes, a little, but so what? Why question it? Go back over there. KIRK: I can't. I don't understand what's happening. I mean, she was looking at me. Directly at me. At first I thought I had something on my lip, but I brushed and brushed and nothing. She was just looking at me. LUKE: Well, that's good. KIRK: And I have prepared several small-talk subjects for the evening and I haven't used one of them. LUKE: You're making too much of this. KIRK: This is not how it's supposed to go. I'm supposed to take her out, we're supposed to exhaust my prepared subjects immediately, and then the minute I get up and go to the bathroom, she is supposed to sneak out and leave me here humiliated. Now I have been to the bathroom three times, and I have to tell you, I did not have to go, and every time I came back to the table, she was there and she was smiling, and. . .hey, did you see her touch my arm? What the hell was that all about? LUKE: I think that means she likes you. KIRK: Shut up! You take that back! LUKE: Kirk, Kirk, I am not gonna fight with you over you not believing that this girl likes you because, to be honest with you, I'm a little fuzzy on the "why" myself, but the bottom line is she does. KIRK: She does? LUKE: Yes, she's laughing and smiling, and buckle up, cowboy, because I think she might actually touch you again. KIRK: You think? LUKE: There's a frightening chance she might, so my advice to you is to go back over there and continue doing what you've been doing. KIRK: I was doing my Jon Cryer from "Pretty in Pink" impression. LUKE: Duckie? KIRK: Yes, Duckie. LUKE: Were you near the end of the movie yet? KIRK: No, just getting to the "Try a Little Tenderness" moment. LUKE: You've got plenty of ammo left. Go on. Go back over there. KIRK: You think she likes me? LUKE: I think she likes you. KIRK: You think she likes me. LUKE: God help us one and all. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai is sitting at the kitchen table. Sookie is throwing away the broccoli tarts] LORELAI: [on phone] Uh, no, just leave another message that I called. Thank you. [hangs up] SOOKIE: Number 42, see ya. LORELAI: You don't have to throw them all out, Sookie. SOOKIE: I didn't. I've got twenty in the freezer. LORELAI: Great. SOOKIE: And so do you. LORELAI: Even better. SOOKIE: I already had that money spent. It was going towards a down payment on a safer car. Now little Davey will have to fend for himself rolling around in the back of Daddy's truck. RORY: [entering the house] Mom? LORELAI: Kitchen. SOOKIE: "Hold on, Davey! Daddy's coming to a sudden stop." LORELAI: You're being dramatic. SOOKIE: But I'm so disappointed. I mean, all that planning, all that time, all that broccoli. [Rory walks into the kitchen] RORY: I lost my tree. LORELAI: What? RORY: My tree, my study tree - it's gone. Someone stole it. SOOKIE: Someone stole a tree? RORY: No, the tree's still there, but when I went there today, there was this guy sitting there reading trucking magazines and he would not give it up, so now I'm back where I started. LORELAI: You'll figure something out. RORY: Yes, I will figure out what my alternate profession will be because now I can't study, I'm gonna flunk out of Yale and I'm gonna have to give up all hope of being a foreign correspondent. This sucks. SOOKIE: You're telling me? I'm eating broccoli tarts for the next four years. RORY: Well, what am I gonna do? LORELAI: You are gonna suck it up. RORY: What? LORELAI: You're in college now, Rory. If your study plan doesn't work, then come up with another one. Just figure it out, but stop complaining because you're not two. And Sookie, in pioneer times, kids traveled across the country in covered wagons and survived. Somehow I think little Davey will live without his minivan. RORY: Mom, why are you mad? LORELAI: I have something I have to do. I'll be back in a little while. And have these damn tarts out of here by the time I get home! SOOKIE: Grab a fork. CUT TO JASON'S OFFICE [Jason is talking to his secretary when Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Well, hello, Digger Stiles. JASON: Lorelai Gilmore, you sure grew up good. LORELAI: Oh, did I, Digger? Thanks. Listen, why didn't you return my calls? JASON: 'Cause I hadn't seen you yet. LORELAI: Four times. You never called me back. JASON: I'll call you back now. What's your number? LORELAI: 976-bite-me. JASON: Okay, did you get that, Ms. Lomay? Because I know how much you like having numbers in your files. LORELAI: We need to talk. JASON: In my office? LORELAI: Great. JASON: [to his secretary] You know what? You can go. SECRETARY: All right. Goodnight, Mr. Stiles. JASON: Goodnight. [to Lorelai] Would you like something to drink? LORELAI: Oh, no, thanks. JASON: So how you been? LORELAI: Great. You? JASON: No complaints. LORELAI: Okay, small talk over. I want you to know something - you can't just waltz into people's lives and take over. JASON: I don't waltz at all. It's embarrassing and a little gay. LORELAI: You know, people were hired for this party, people who were counting on this money. JASON: What party? LORELAI: Launch party. JASON: Oh, that. LORELAI: Yes, that. And I want to tell you something else - my mother has been planning these stupid parties for years, and it was completely out of line for you to walk in there and just crap all over the whole thing and make her feel obsolete and useless. JASON: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there. I never knew about the party. They never told me about the party. LORELAI: Well, of course they never told you about the party because they're inconsiderate and self-centered, and they have been that way for many years, so they have dibs. But the minute you found out about the party, you should have canceled your plans. JASON: It was too late for that. And I never called your mother obsolete, I just called cocktail parties obsolete. LORELAI: Same thing. JASON: I don't see how. LORELAI: Jason, my mother is a corporate wife. Her job is putting these parties on, and you put her out of work. You know that, your mother does the same thing. Imagine if you took these functions away from her. What would she have left? JASON: More time with the pool boy? LORELAI: You embarrassed my mother and made her feel small. You unceremoniously canceled something she had been working on for days. JASON: But I didn't know. LORELAI: And then she had to come to my house and fire me! JASON: Fire you? Why would she fire you? LORELAI: Because I was the caterer. JASON: Get out of town! LORELAI: Yes, I have a partner in a small catering company. JASON: You cook? LORELAI: I plan. JASON: Well, I had no idea how much chaos my little weekend was causing. LORELAI: No, you didn't, because you didn't think. You never thought. Back in summer camp, you never thought. "Hey, if I stand up in this canoe, maybe it'll tip over." That was the extent of your thought process. JASON: You're still mad about that. LORELAI: I was fully dressed. JASON: I remember - green T-shirt, no bra. LORELAI: What? JASON: Trust me, I was the hero of cabin five for the rest of the summer. LORELAI: You will apologize to my mother. JASON: Absolutely. LORELAI: And you will let her throw that party. JASON: Sorry. LORELAI: Digger! JASON: Umlauts! The party is off. Now this is business. I will apologize to Emily, but that is the best I can do. LORELAI: I can't believe you just called me Umlauts. JASON: You called me Digger three times before I called you Umlauts once. I think that shows great self-control. LORELAI: Let my mother have her party! JASON: No, I can't do it, but what I can do is take you out to dinner tomorrow night. LORELAI: I'm sorry, how do those two thoughts even coincide? JASON: You'd have to be in my head, but trust me, there was a track. LORELAI: I am not having dinner with you. JASON: Why not? LORELAI: Because you just had me fired. You just insulted my mother. JASON: It's interesting, I didn't know you and your mother were so close. LORELAI: We're not. JASON: You're being awfully protective of her. LORELAI: Well, every family has a Fredo. JASON: Yeah, and Fredo's family put two in the back of his head. LORELAI: My relationship with my mother is none of your business. JASON: Then have dinner with me. LORELAI: No! JASON: Why not? LORELAI: Because. JASON: Because your mother would hate it. LORELAI: Yes, my mother would hate it. A lot. You suck. CUT TO YALE [Rory walks up to the study tree, where the same guy is reading under it] RORY: Excuse me. Remember me? GUY: I got here first. RORY: I know. Look, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about the other day. I got a little wound up because I do that sometimes. I get too structured and too serious and I just have to adjust, you know, because we're in college and college is about change, and you have my study tree, so yeah, I just. . .I have to be okay with that and just learn to kind of go with the flow. So I just wanted to tell you that, and I'm sorry if I interrupted you again. GUY: That's okay. RORY: I'll give you twenty bucks for the tree. GUY: You're gonna pay me for the tree? RORY: Go with the flow, man. GUY: You're on. [He takes the money and leaves. Rory sits down under the tree and starts to study]
doc_158	[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. WAREHOUSE] (A young woman is held captive with her wrists tied high above her head. Off screen, she hears faint slicing, and gurgling. She screams.) (Blood squirts on her face and in her mouth. She coughs. Yuck.) (Behind her, a man hacks off a dummy's head.) Zack Putrid (director): (o.s.) Cut! (She continues to cough.) Zack Putrid: (o.s.) Cut! Damn it! (The bell rings and overhead lights turn on. The director, Zack Putrid, gets out of his chair.) Zack Putrid: Can somebody please get her a glass of water?! (He walks up to the actress.) What happened? Babe? What are you doing? Are you choking on the blood? (She nods.) SFX Guy: I did what you told me to. Zack Putrid: Yeah, but this time, get it on her face, not in her mouth. SFX Guy: The mouth is part of the face. Zack Putrid: Yeah, I know, I know. But hit her from the side, from the side. And get plenty on the rack. (The SFX guy turns and leaves. We hold on the two actors dressed as doctors - one giant man and Dickie Jones.) Giant Doctor: We're dying here. Dickie Jones: I'm going to go ring it. Giant Doctor: All right. Hey, grab me a bear claw. (Dickie Jones heads off the set. He walks past Zack Putrid talking with the cameraman who is wearing a red baseball cap.) Zack Putrid (director): How long have I known you, huh? This is you and me. Get the shot -- not too tight. Wide enough to fit in the fun bags. (The director turns back to the actress, who is still tied up with her arms over her head as the fake blood is being wiped off her. Her make-up is being retouched.) Zack Putrid (director): Baby-cakes ... (The actor playing the killer interrupts them.) Killer Actor: (to the director) Where was I? Want me to laugh? Zack Putrid (director): Don't laugh. You were scary. Get away. (The killer leaves.) Zack Putrid (director): Honey, this time, don't inhale the blood, okay? All right, let's get her cleaned up. Let's shoot this bitch. (He heads back to his chair. The actress gasps loudly.) Actress: (o.s.) Oh ... Zack Putrid (director): Not you, baby. The shot. The shot's a bitch. I love one-ers. And you know what else I love? I love sushi. Me, too. Do you want to go for sushi? (In the background, Stanley Vespucci leads Brass through the set. Nick follows them.) Stanley Vespucci: Our lead actress, Weatherly Adams, had her dressing room violated last night. Brass: So she's the one you suspect is missing? Stanley Vespucci: She missed her call this morning. The woman is nothing if not professional. She's predictably precisely 35 minutes late every day. You could set your watch to it. She's already ... three hours late and still no sign of her. (He looks at his watch.) (A light blows out as they pass.) Stanley Vespucci: Nothing to worry about, gentlemen. It's just a bad bulb. If you will, please, follow me. (He leads them out.) [INT. WEATHERLY ADAMS' DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (He opens the dressing room door.) Stanley Vespucci: Here we are. (They walk in.) Stanley Vespucci: Check out the flowers in the vase. (Nick looks at the note on the flowers.) Nick: "Congratulations on your last film." Any idea who sent her these, Mr. Vespucci? (A framed photo of a pretty blonde-haired woman is on the dressing table next to the flowers.) Stanley Vespucci: (shrugs) Stalkers, creeps, cranks, nut balls, degenerates -- we get them all here. Weatherly attracts them like flies. (He shows them a stack of letters.) Stanley Vespucci: These are ... uh ... some of the guys we've had trouble with in the past. Brass: I'll take that. (Nick continues to look through the dressing room.) Brass: When was the last time you saw her? (Vespucci takes his phone out and dials.) Stanley Vespucci: At wrap yesterday. We shot all night, finished about 4:00 in the morning. Brass: Did anyone see her leave the building? Stanley Vespucci: Her car's still parked out back. (Nick holds a purse.) Nick: This hers? Stanley Vespucci: Yeah. Weatherly Adams: (recording) Hi, it's Weatherly. Leave a message or I'll scream. (giggles) (Nick turns the bag over, the contents spilling out onto the sofa.) Nick: Wallet, keys, and cell phone still in there. Stanley Vespucci: Still no answer on her home phone. Brass: I'll send a patrol car to her house. You said there was a break in. Why don't you show me? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES -- BASEMENT] (Down in the basement, various items are stored - dress dummies, rolled-up carpets and a VORTEX OF EVIL movie poster hangs on the wall just below the ceiling light.) Stanley Vespucci: Ah, Weatherly ... how has she died for us, let me count the ways. (Stanley Vespucci leads Brass and Nick down through the basement.) (They walk past posters of the movies Weatherly made - NIGHT SHIVERS, INTO THE MOUTH OF HELL, and CAN I LICK THE SPOON?.) Stanley Vespucci: Bludgeoned, boiled, filleted, defenestrated, decapitated, disemboweled, oh, yeah, and strangled with her own intestines. Autopsied while still alive. (They walk into the large storage area.) Stanley Vespucci: Made to eat her own liver, fed slowly through a tree chipper, roasted and served on a bed of Belgian endive. When Weatherly Adams dies, it's money in the bank. (He shows them the open window.) Stanley Vespucci: Here you are, gentlemen. Nick: Looks like somebody broke the glass, reached in, unlocked it and opened it. (Nick looks around the area.) Stanley Vespucci: Yeah, that's the way I found it when I got here this evening. (Nick finds some blonde-haired stuffed dummies on the furniture. Among the dummies, he finds the real Weatherly with an axe stuck in her back. Flies buzz around the dead body.) Nick: Uh, Jim ... I got her. (Nick kneels to look at the body. Jim and Stanley Vespucci join him. Vespucci gasps.) Nick: And I believe she's died for the last time. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES -- BASEMENT] (A movie poster, I HAVE TO AXE MY MOTHER, hangs on the cement post. The main photo is of Weatherly in red with an axe stuck in her head.) Nick: Whoever stuck her under this poster was trying to send a twisted message. (Weatherly's dead body is also in red with an axe stuck in her back.) Catherine: Either that, or the killer's got a wicked sense of humor. (Catherine puts her gloves on. Nick snaps a photo as David Phillips turns the body to look under it.) David Phillips: Lividity is fixed along the anterior aspect, and ... she is still in full rigor. (Nick checks his watch.) Nick: She was last seen alive about 15 hours ago. David Phillips: No panties. I'll do an SAE kit. (David pauses and looks up where he sees the movie poster.) David Phillips: (inflecting) "The horror." (He chuckles and looks at Catherine and Nick. He does it again.) David Phillips: (exaggerating) The horror ... (Catherine smiles.) David Phillips: Huh? Huh? Bra-Brando? (normal voice) Brando from Apocalypse Now? Catherine: Oh, yeah, yeah. I know, Dave. Everybody knows that. David Phillips: (deflated) Oh. I'll get the gurney. (David leaves. Catherine notices Weatherly's broken shoe.) Catherine: Looks like the Lady lost a heel. Nick: There's a whole lot of something here, but it doesn't really look like blood to me. (Nick indicates the blood under the body. Catherine dusts the axe handle.) Catherine: No, it's ... uh ... it's the wrong color. It's too red. Nick: Smells sweet. Karo syrup and food coloring -- it's prop blood. Catherine: And I am not seeing any prints. It's been wiped clean. Nick: The question is, where does the fake blood end and the real blood begin? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - MOVIE SET] (The actress in pink wails and cries. The actor playing the killer cries.) (Brass talks with the cast and crew.) Brass: Now, I know this may come as a shock to most of you, and I'm sorry for your loss. I understand that Weatherly Adams was a long-time member of this company ... (The midget, Dickie Jones, looks around, then turns and hugs the pretty actress in pink.) Zack Putrid (director): Well, do you have a suspect? Brass: Uh, sir, we just found the body about an hour ago. (Dickie Jones hugs the actress, then squeezes her butt.) Brass: We're just beginning our investigation. (The actress pushes Dickie Jones away.) Zack Putrid: Yeah, I get it, I get it. I mean, it could be anyone. (He turns and looks around - just as the other cast and crew members look around at each other.) Brass: Now, I'm going to have to look at your IDs and I'm going to take statements and fingerprints from all of you. And I thank you in advance for your cooperation. Stanley Vespucci: Anything we can do to help. (Brass turns and heads up the platform stairs.) Zack Putrid: So what am I supposed to do today? Stanley Vespucci: Edit. (Stanley Vespucci catches up with Brass.) Stanley Vespucci: Excuse me, Mr. Brass. Do you think that it would be all right if we were to ... continue to shoot ... Brass: No. Vincent Lafoon: I want that little twerp Zarco found and locked up. Brass: Uh, who are you? Vincent Lafoon: Vincent Lafoon. This is my brother Mason. We own this place. Brass: Who's Zarco? Vincent Lafoon: Oliver Zarco. He used to work here. He had a thing for Weatherly, and then he got hurt, blamed it on us, went a little nuts. Mason Lafoon: He was the one who got ... Vincent Lafoon: (interrupts) He was the one who sent the flowers and the note. Brass: So he's done this before. Mason Lafoon: Yeah, like, three times. Vincent Lafoon: (irritated) Would you shut it? (to Brass) Three times. He's your guy. Brass: Do you have video surveillance by any chance? Vincent Lafoon: Yeah, only on the exterior, but the video system's been on the fritz lately. Stanley Vespucci: I had it repaired three days ago-- I'll get the tapes. Vincent Lafoon: Oh, good. (Vespucci leaves.) (to Brass) Look, just find Zarco, okay? (Vincent leaves. Mason lingers.) Killer Actor: Everyone come together. Mason Lafoon: Um, I can't, I still can't believe she's gone. I mean ... she was a ... she was a real beautiful lady. (Everyone gathers on the set.) Killer Actor: Let's form a circle and touch hands with someone you care about. (Mason turns to join the others.) Killer Actor: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES -- BASEMENT] (Nick swabs the "blood" and tests it. It doesn't work.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - DRESSING ROOM] (Catherine is in Weatherly's dressing room. She dusts the green vase.) (She stops when she doesn't find any prints.) [INT. REPULSION PICTURES -- BASEMENT] (Nick goes over to the window. He sees the security camera outside and measures the distance. He notes it on the sketchpad.) [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - DRESSING ROOM] (Catherine snaps photos of Weatherly's dresser and open drawer.) (She opens the top drawer and snaps a photo of it. She takes out a notebook and looks inside. She finds dates, times and numbers.) (Nick walks in.) Nick: How's it going in here? Catherine: The vase is clean. I've got a spiral notebook filled with dates, times and weights. Looks like she was a bit concerned about her size. Nick: Actors. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Robbins and David are working on removing the axe from Weatherly's back.) David Phillips: (appalled) You really don't recognize her? (David holds the body down while Robbins pulls on the axe.) Robbins: (grunts) No. David Phillips: You've ever seen Chop Chop, Fizz Fizz? Robbins: No. David Phillips: Can I Lick The Spoon? Robbins: Please, David. David Phillips: They're classics. Robbins: Those are not classics. (The axe pops out.) Robbins: The Exorcist. The Shining. Rosemary's Baby. Those are classics. (David washes the body.) David Phillips: You know what I loved about her? She really made you feel the terror. When she was scared for her life, I was scared, too. (Robbins holds the axe cut open as David washes it out. He sees something.) Robbins: Interesting. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass talks with Oliver Zarco.) Brass: Mr. Zarco ... tell me about you and Weatherly Adams. Oliver Zarco: It was the happiest time in my life. I had realized my dream. FLASHBACK TO: The set is busy. Oliver Zarco: (V.O.) I was working in the movies. Though I was only in an entry-level position, Weatherly and I were already an item. (Weatherly and Zarco are kissing in the back.) Oliver Zarco: (V.O.) Just like ... END FLASHBACK. Oliver Zarco: ... Julia Roberts and what's his name. FLASHBACK TO: They're filming on the set. (Weatherly takes the burning meat out of the oven and puts it on the table. The meat is smoking.) Oliver Zarco: (V.O.) We were in love. Weatherly: (smiles) Hi. (Zarco is on the side with a smoke machine, adding to the smoke. He blows her a kiss. Filming continues.) Oliver Zarco: (V.O.) And then it was all over in an instant. (The smoke machine blows up and bursts into flames in his face. Zarco screams.) Oliver Zarco: Oh, God! (Zarco's face is on fire. He gets up and runs around the set.) Oliver Zarco: Oh, my God! (Finally someone with a fire extinguisher puts the fire out.) END FLASHBACK. (Zarco's face is scarred.) Oliver Zarco: I was in rehab for six months. That slime ball Lafoon convinced me not to file a Worker's Compensation claim. He said that he'd take care of me. Brass: And you trusted him? Oliver Zarco: Yes. And then, when the deadline passed to file my claim, Vincent offered me two grand, take it or leave it, and then he fired my ass. And I could have lived with that, but ... Brass: But what? Oliver Zarco: Weatherly ... dumped me. She felt we were no longer compatible. The truth was, she couldn't stand to look at me. She cried when she told me. Actresses can do that. The smell of her skin ... like fresh lemon poppy seed scones baking in the oven. Gold flecks that danced like Valkyries in the emerald depths of her eyes. Her hair-- oh, God ... Her hair ... Brass: So you started stalking her. Oliver Zarco: I brought her gifts from time to time, to let her know that I still loved her. Is that against the law? Brass: It is if you break in to do it. Oliver Zarco: They wouldn't let me in the front door. Brass: So you came in through the window. Only this time, you got caught. You argued. She told you where to shove your flowers, and you thought to yourself, "You know, do I really need this aggravation?" So you killed the bitch. I think you killed the bitch. Oliver Zarco: Why would I kill her? Brass: How should I know? Oliver Zarco: Do I know you? Brass: Listen, Zarco, you whack job, you'd better focus! You focus. Oliver Zarco: I'm trying to explain to you. I haven't been near that place in over a year. You got the wrong guy. I don't do that anymore. I'm in therapy now. Lots of therapy. Freudian, Jungian, Gestaltian -- all that crap. I've let go of my anger. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (Grissom is in his office when Wendy appears in the doorway. She's carrying some test results.) Wendy: Have you seen Catherine around? Grissom: No, why? Wendy: 'Cause I just got the DNA results for Weatherly Adams, and the skin under her nails and the semen from her SAE, they both belong to Vaughn Krunty. Grissom: Who? Wendy: Vaughn Krunty, aka "Zack Putrid." Grissom: Who's that? Wendy: (amazed) The Titan of Terror, The Sultan of Slash. He's the movie director. I just ... I found him in CODIS for a statutory rape charge in Laughlin when he was 18 and the girl was 16. Can you believe that? Grissom: What's the matter with you? Wendy: Nothing. Grissom: Go tell Catherine what you found, make sure that you pull all the old evidence out of storage in case she needs it. Wendy: Okay. (Wendy looks at the results, turns and leaves the office.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - EDITING ROOM] (Zack Putrid is reviewing the footage shot that day.) Zack Putrid: Please. That looks pretty stupid, doesn't it? Editor: Well, you could cut out earlier, maybe go to a wide exterior shot, you could carry the scream over a big flock of birds taking off. Zack Putrid: Yeah? (Putrid kicks the editor's chair.) Editor: Or ... yeah ... (He picks up the golf club and hits the table, smashing whatever is on it.) Editor: (mutters) Or not. Or not, just ... bad idea. All right, okay. (Putrid turns around and sees Brass leaning against the door frame watching him. Putrid chuckles.) (Putrid chuckles) Zack Putrid: Detective Brass. (He points to Brass, turns and chuckles at the editor.) Zack Putrid: Man, I love that. Detective Brass. You're a detective, and your name is Brass. I mean, I can use that. That's like a cop named Officer Copper. Or a tin horn sheriff named Sheriff Tin. You cannot write that stuff. Brass: Listen, buddy ... Zack Putrid: Dude, I know why you're here, okay? Weatherly and I, yes, we were knocking boots, man. Brass: So, you acknowledge having sx with her? (Brass walks in and heads toward the editor's table where he looks at the latest "star" covered with fake blood.) Zack Putrid: Well, yeah, I just said I had sx ... Why would I deny it? Hey, I bang all my stars. It builds trust. It's part of my process. Brass: We found traces of your skin under her fingernails. Maybe she wasn't into your "process," so you raped her. (Putrid chuckles.) (Brass turns and looks at him.) Brass: You find that funny? Zack Putrid: Dude, you gotta see this. You're gonna love it. (to the editor) Bring up Double D. Editor: Yeah. Here goes. (The editor switches tapes and shows a recording of Weatherly wearing a pink dressing gown in her pink dressing room.) Weatherly Adams: (on tape) Hi, baby. Hi. (On the tape, she blows a kiss to the camera. A man off screen laughs.) (Putrid whacks Brass on the arm and indicates the monitor.) Zack Putrid: Check it out. (On the tape, Weatherly opens the dressing gown and shows the camera her boob job.) Zack Putrid: (on tape) Money. Money. (On the tape, she giggles.) (Putrid turns and looks at Brass.) Zack Putrid: Oh, yeah. Zack Putrid: (on tape) You're a star. WEATHERLY ADAMS: (on tape) Oh, ba-by. Oh, ba-by. Editor: (groans) I can't believe this is my life. Zack Putrid: (on tape) Oh, man, oh, man... Weatherly Adams: (on tape) Come over here, baby. (On the tape, they start kissing as the camera rolls.) (Zack Putrid puts a hand on Brass's shoulder and smiles proudly. Like a little kid, he points excitedly to the monitor.) Brass: This what you do all day? Zack Putrid: Look, does that look like a woman being taken against her will? Brass: That still doesn't explain how your skin got under her fingernails. Zack Putrid: Weatherly was ... how can I put this delicately? She was an ass-scratcher, man. She liked to scratch my ass. She wasn't pushing me away, man, she was pulling me in. (Putrid puts his pants down.) Zack Putrid: Brass, look at my ass. (He shows Brass his ass.) Zack Putrid: Freaking claw marks. Brass: Are you trying to make me throw up, Mr. Putrid? (Putrid purrs.) (HOLD on Brass.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. UNKNOWN HALLWAY] (A woman walks down the hallway. She glances over her shoulder and continues walking quickly down the hallway.) (We see the woman is WENDY SIMMS. She glances behind her again and speeds up a little. She turns the corner and glances behind her. She starts running.) (The camera follows her.) (She comes to the end of the hallway and tries opening the doors. The first one is locked. The second door is locked. She hurries to the third door. It opens.) [INT. UNKNOWN ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (Wendy enters the room and shuts the door. She cowers and waits.) (A chainsaw engine revs. The double doors open and a bearded man in a hooded raincoat carries a bloodied chainsaw.) (Wendy screams.) REVEAL: [INT. CSI - BREAKROOM] (Henry Andrews, Hodges, Sara and Wendy are watching a video.) (On the monitor, Wendy runs and the man with the chainsaw cuts her. She spits out blood and some really bad EFX has her top half fall to the floor while her bottom half remains in a standing position. After a beat, the bottom half falls to the floor as well.) (Henry laughs.) Henry Andrews: Oh, my God. No way! (Hodges jaw drops.) (Sara closes her eyes.) (Wendy smiles and pauses the tape.) Henry Andrews: That is so cool. I can't believe you worked for Repulsion Pictures. Wendy: Well, I did it on a whim. I was supposed to be an extra, but then they liked me, so they gave me this whole featured bit. I got 600 bucks for that. What? What? I was fresh out of college. I really needed the money. Ronnie Lake: I don't get it -- what's the thrill here? It's always hot babes with huge breasts falling out of their shirts, getting hacked up ... Wendy: I don't have huge breasts. Mine are kind of ... medium. Hodges: But perfect ... (Wendy turns and glares at Hodges.) Hodges: --ly adequate. Better, in fact. (He turns and looks at Sara.) Sara: Okay. Uh, I'm out of here. (Sara leaves.) Henry Andrews: Hey, let's watch it again. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Robbins shares his findings with Nick.) (TOP VIEW DOWN of the BACK with an IMAGE of the AXE.) Robbins: (V.O.) When I removed the axe, -- (The AXE vanishes and CGI VIEW of the inside of the WOUND.) Robbins: (V.O.) I noticed that the dermis along the margin of the wound showed no vital response, except in a small area on both sides of the center of the track. (MOVE in CLOSE TO VIEW.) Robbins: (V.O.) The cause of death was perforation of the liver, spleen, and pancreas. (A CGI pointed object jabs into wound.) BACK TO SCENE. Robbins: But the injuries are inconsistent with the position of the axe wound. Nick: The axe isn't what killed her. Robbins: Exactly. The perforation was caused by a sharp, hollow, cylindrical object entering through the lower back, and then passing upwards into the organs. Nick: Like a spear, or a pipe of some kind? Robbins: Perhaps. Nick: If the axe was planted in her back postmortem to conceal t original puncture site, then ... we don't have a murder weapon. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Archie goes over the video with Catherine.) ON THE COMPUTER MONITOR is the footage dated 11/07/07 at 05:22 A.M. of someone in a baseball cap opening the window to the warehouse. Archie: The only thing I found on the surveillance tapes was this. (He pauses the video.) Catherine: That guy looks familiar. Oh, that's Vincent Lafoon. He and his brother own the place. Archie: Well, here's where it gets a little weird. (Archie resumes the tape. Vincent opens the window, then backs away and leaves.) Catherine: He's trying to make it look like somebody broke in. I think he's framing Zarco. Archie: If he owns the place, he must have known about the surveillance cameras. Right? (Catherine nods.) Why would he let himself get caught on tape? Catherine: I don't know, but according to Brass's notes, he thought the system was down. So, we found no physical evidence linking Zarco to the scene. Vincent knew he had an easy fall guy. He's been playing us the whole time. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY] (Brass is sipping a cup of coffee as Vincent Lafoon is escorted in by an officer.) Vincent Lafoon: Hey, you're making a big mistake; you got the wrong dude. Brass: Yeah, a lot of guys tell me that. Vincent Lafoon: But I didn't do anything. Why would I kill Weatherly? She was my company's best asset. Plus, I liked her. She was my friend. (They turn and continue through the hallway just as Oliver Zarco turns into the same hallway.) Vincent Lafoon: That's him. That's Zarco. That's your guy. Oliver Zarco: What happened, Lafoon? She get too old, so you killed her for real? (Zarco walks past him and heads out.) Vincent Lafoon: Where's he going? Brass: I don't know. Probably out for a nice dinner. (Brass sits down. Zarco stops walking and turns to watch.) ) Vincent Lafoon: You're letting him go? Are you out of your mind? Brass: We've got nothing on him. Vincent Lafoon: But I'm the one getting set up here, me! Don't let him go-- I'm telling you-- you'll regret this. (Zarco walks up to Lafoon.) Oliver Zarco: I never touched her. You know it, I know it, and they know it. You killed her, and you're going down. (Zarco turns to leave again. Lafoon lunges at Zarco. The officer holds Lafoon back. Brass sits on the chair, sipping his coffee and watching the show.) Oliver Zarco: Can I go now? Brass: Yeah, get out of here while I'm still in a good mood. (Zarco smiles.) Oliver Zarco: So long, Lafoon. I hope they tear you a big one. (Zarco chuckles as he leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM -- DAY] (Sara sits in the locker room when Greg appears in the doorway.) Greg: What's up? Sara: You know, in the slasher movies, when they go after the dark-haired girl, she always dies? (Greg walks in.) Greg: Yeah. And the blond always lives. (He sits down.) Aren't you glad it wasn't a movie? (She giggles at the irony.) Sara: I think, um ... I think I am sick of having my face shoved in death every day. The murder rate has gone up every year since I've been here. It's totally out of control, and ... we're not even slowing them down. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Nick walks and talks with Catherine.) Nick: After examining the crime scene, I determined there were between 200 and 300 milliliters -- that's less than a cup -- of Weatherly's actual blood outside of her body. Originally, we had assumed that the axe blade had sealed the wound, that the position of her body had caused her to bleed internally. Catherine: But if she had been gored first by another weapon and then axed, there would have been a lot more blood. Nick: Right, right. So, I compared the initial coroner's report with the last entry in her weight loss journal -- which was taken no more than an hour or two before her death. And guess what? Catherine: Her body came up light? Nick: Six pounds light. That's six pints of blood at a pound each nowhere in or around the body. She was moved. (Quick flash to: Someone drags a tarp with Weatherly's body on it through the hallway. End flash.) (Hodges joins them.) Hodges: Hey. The trace from the puncture wound came back. It's zinc, which is electrically coated onto steel to make galvanized pipe. Catherine: Well, we should go back, expand the search perimeter, try to find the actual murder site. Nick: Okay. I'll get a hold to swing. We're going to need some help. Catherine: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. REPULSION PICTURES (LOT) - WAREHOUSE -- DAY] (Dark clouds roll across the sky. Stanley Vespucci steps outside and looks up at the sky.) (He sees the CSI SUV roll in and park. Catherine, Nick and Ronnie carry their kits and meet up with him.) Stanley Vespucci: I hear you're holding Vincent Lafoon on suspicion of murder. His lawyer called me. I'd be surprised. Yes, the guy is a bit rough around the edges, but I don't think that he..uh ... Hello. (He turns and looks at Ronnie.) (Nick and Catherine both turn and look at Ronnie.) Catherine: Nick. Why don't you ... uh ... take the offices, and Ronnie and I will start in the storage area. (Nick heads into the warehouse. Catherine and Ronnie turn and head inside, too. Vespucci turns toward Ronnie.) Stanley Vespucci: My name is Stanley. (Catherine and Ronnie head inside, ignoring him.) But you call me Stan. (Stan waits outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES -- OFFICES] (A NIGHT SHIVERS poster hangs on the wall. Nick walks into the offices. He puts his kit down and starts looking around.) (Up on the bulletin board are lots of WORK-SAFETY notices. There are fake body parts on the shelves. Nick finds a really large pair of slippers under the desk. He looks over and finds a red baseball cap on the wall hook. He notes the cap-size band has been adjusted.) (Quick flash of: Someone adjusts the size of the red baseball cap to make it fit a bigger head. End flash.) (Nick takes his phone out and makes a call.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - WAREHOUSE - DAY] (Catherine and Ronnie are walking around the building.) Nick: (from phone) Hey. Catherine: (to phone) Hey, Nicky, what do you got? (Ronnie splits apart and enters a side room while Catherine continues to talk on the phone.) Nick: (from phone) I've got the hat Lafoon was wearing in the surveillance video. The wear on the strap indicates that it's been set larger ... like it was adjusted for somebody with a bigger head or something. (Catherine walks across the warehouse.) Nick: (from phone) So I'm going to get it back, see if I can get some prints off it. Catherine: (to phone) Okay, I'll ... uh ... meet you back at the lab. (Catherine hangs up.) (She stops and looks around and doesn't see or hear Dickie Jones approach.) Dickie Jones: Howdy. Dickie Jones. And you are? Catherine: Busy. Dickie Jones: How about after your shift, I take you out for a cup of coffee? And I could tell you my whole life story. Catherine: No, thanks. Dickie Jones: It's just a cup of coffee, doll. I'm not asking you to make love. (Catherine rolls her eyes and turns to the side. Dickie eyes her behind and hisses his appreciation.) Dickie Jones: (under his breath) Not right away, anyway. (Catherine kneels and puts her goggles on.) Dickie Jones: You know, I could open up new worlds to you. Have you ever had the back of those thighs kissed by a man ... who's standing up? (Catherine turns her head as she starts laughing. She gets to her feet.) Dickie Jones: So you find dwarves funny? (Catherine laughs.) Catherine: Sometimes, yeah. Dickie Jones: Come on, what do you say? Is it because of my receding hairline? (Catherine stops laughing.) Catherine: I don't go out with persons of interest in an ongoing investigation. Dickie Jones: Well, I just think you might be missing out, pookie. Catherine: Don't call me pookie. (Catherine stands up with her kit.) Dickie Jones: But you haven't told me your name. Catherine: Catherine. (He walks over to her.) Dickie Jones: Catherine. Catherine: Catherine. Dickie Jones: Catherine. Well, Catherine, we little people see things from a different perspective -- things other people might miss. (Catherine puts her case down.) Catherine: If you're implying that you know something about Weatherly's death, and you're not giving it up, that makes you, at a minimum, an accessory after the fact, -- (Stanley Vespucci walks in.) Catherine: -- and that buys a long stretch for a stubby guy. Dickie Jones: I'm just talking, doll-face. Stanley Vespucci: Dickie. Why don't we leave the nice woman alone to do her work? Catherine: Here's my card. (She gives him her card.) Catherine: If there's anything that you want to tell me as it pertains to the case ... (Dickie takes the card from her and kisses the back of her hand.) Catherine: Uh ... call me. (Dickie backs away as Stanley walks over. Catherine turns and leaves.) Dickie Jones: What are you doing? Stanley Vespucci: Don't complicate things, Dickie. Dickie Jones: I'm just trying to work-- [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (The red baseball cap is in the fumer.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Nick removes the red baseball cap from the fumer. He looks for prints and puts it down when he doesn't find any. He runs a computer search on CASE FILE NO. LVPD 07 11 08 - 1078 GG.) (He pulls up the MDV licenses.) (He turns and looks at the sketch with the notation 5'02" near the window. He looks at the screen cap of the man in the baseball cap. He pulls up the driver license for VAUGHN KRUNTY (aka Zack Putrid). He notes the height: 5'10".) (He pulls up the driver license for VINCENT LAFOON. He notes the height: (He pulls up MASON LAFOON'S driver license. His height is 6'3".) (Nick again looks at the video capture.) (He gathers the file folder with the pictures and heads out.) [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - CONTINUOUS] (Nick heads over to Archie.) Nick: Hey, Archie, could you bring up the surveillance video from Repulsion Pictures, please? Archie: Yeah, got it over here. (Archie plays the video.) Nick: What's the best you can get me on the face? (Archie enhances the image without success.) Nick: He seems to be deliberately looking away from the camera. Take him to the window. Nick: Freeze that. Zoom in on the sleeve. Does that jacket look a little small for that guy to you? Archie: Maybe. Nick: I measured the height of the window. It's five feet. How tall is the guy? Archie: Well, he's a head taller than that window. Nick: Vincent Lafoon's only five-foot-ten. This guy's six-foot-two, six-foot-three, easy. And a lot rounder. The only guy that big in the bunch is Mason. (Nick makes a call.) Nick: (to phone) Catherine, it's Nick. Listen, the surveillance video footage is a fake. I think we got the wrong brother in custody. I think Mason set up Vincent to set Oliver up. It's getting complicated. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - WAREHOUSE -- NIGHT] (Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes. Catherine has her goggles on as she looks around.) [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - SET -- NIGHT] (Ronnie is inside the set looking around with her flashlight.) (Catherine is on the other side looking at the bloodied dummies with her ALS.) Catherine: (calls out) Hey, Ronnie, anything? (Ronnie walks through the set.) Ronnie: No. This place is creeping me out. Catherine: It's supposed to. (Catherine turns and looks over at the shelves with extra body parts.) (Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles outside. Catherine walks over to one of the props. She checks it and finds blood. In one of the pipes protruding from the prop, she finds more blood.) (Catherine turns her ALS off and goes to her kit to take a sample.) (Meanwhile, Ronnie continues to make her way slowly through the dark, creepy aisles.) (Catherine takes a swab sample off the pipe and tests it. It comes out positive. Ronnie joins her.) Catherine: I think we just found our murder weapon. Hidden in plain sight. (Ronnie sees something on the side.) Ronnie: Catherine? I've got something else here. (Ronnie photographs it and pulls it out of the rolled up coils on the shelf.) Catherine: Looks like Weatherly's missing heel. (Quick flash to: Weatherly struggles with someone. She backs up, trips and falls backwards. End flash.) Catherine: This is where she died. (Lightning flashes and thunder crashes. The overhead lights go out completely.) Catherine: Ah, damn. (The generator lights turn on.) Catherine: Oh, good. Catherine: Auxiliary generator just kicked in. (Catherine checks her phone.) Catherine: And I don't have any service. (Ronnie checks her phone.) Ronnie: Mine's dead, too. (Ronnie puts her phone down on the shelf.) Catherine: I'm going to get a dolly for you to move this thing. Photo it and get it back to the lab. (Catherine heads out.) Ronnie: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] (Its pouring.) [EXT. CAR (MOVING) - NIGHT] (Ronnie is driving. She glances down at her fuel. It's nearly empty. The message on the dash reads: FUEL RANGE LOW.) (Ronnie turns into the nearest gas station to fill it up. The attendant, dressed in a raincoat and hat, runs out. Ronnie gives him the money.) Ronnie: Here you go. Thanks! (He turns and heads back inside. She fills the SUV and reaches for her phone. It's not there.) Ronnie: Damn it. (Ronnie opens the car door and takes out the radio.) Ronnie: (to radio) Control, this is C-147 Lake for C13 Willows. Dispatch: (from radio) Copy, C-147. Stand by. C-147, you have C-13. Over. SPLIT SCREEN WITH: [INT. CATHERINE'S CAR] Catherine: (to radio) This is Catherine. Ronnie: (to radio) Hey, Catherine, I left my cell phone at the studio. I need to go back and get it. (Ronnie finishes filling her car.) Catherine: (to radio) Yeah, you'd better. They're department issue. And if you lose it, you replace it. Ronnie: (to radio) Does that include the cost of the contract? Catherine: (to radio) Oh, yeah. Ronnie: (to radio) Damnit. I'll see you later. (Ronnie goes back into the car, puts her seatbelt on and leaves the gas station.) (As she pulls out, a woman with short blonde hair watches her. Lightning flashes.) (Ronnie's SUV heads back to the studio.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT] (Catherine returns. She's on the phone with Brass.) Catherine: We found the pipe that killed Weatherly. It's in the print lab being processed. She was killed on the soundstage and then dragged over. Brass: (from phone) We've got a warrant out for Mason Lafoon. We're looking for him now. Catherine: (to phone) Okay. Let me know what you find out. (She hangs up. Another call comes in. It's DICKIE JONES.) (Catherine sighs and heads into her office.) Catherine: (to phone) What do you want? Dickie Jones: (from phone) Pookie, it's me, Dickie. Catherine: (to phone) I know. Dickie Jones: (from phone) I've got information I think you might be interested in. Catherine: (to phone) Okay, shoot. Dickie Jones: (from phone) No. It has to be in person. Catherine: (to phone) Where are you? Dickie Jones: (from phone) I'm at the studio. Catherine: (to phone) I thought there was no phone transmission from there. Dickie Jones: (from phone) There wasn't. Now there is. That's how it is with phones and electrical storms. Look, it's urgent. Get down here as soon as you can. Catherine: I just came from there. Why didn't you tell me then, you annoying little man? Dickie Jones: (from phone) The situation is evolving. Catherine: (to phone) If you're screwing with me, I will to string you up and beat you senseless. INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. REPULSION PICTURES] Dickie Jones: (to phone) I look forward to it. Just hurry. (Thunder cracks. Dickie Jones hangs up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (Brass puts a photo of Mason opening the warehouse window down on the table.) Brass: That's you, Mason. All six feet, three inches of you impersonating your brother, which makes you good for Weatherly's murder. You did that one, too, didn't you? Mason Lafoon: No, no, no. Nobody killed Weatherly, okay? She killed herself. Brass: Oh, really? What, she axed herself in the back? Mason Lafoon: No, you don't understand. She ... she ... It was an accident. She tripped. (Quick flashback to: Mason Lafoon and Stanley Vespucci are talking as Weatherly says good night to them.) Mason Lafoon: Good night, Weatherly. Stanley Vespucci: Good night, kid. Mason Lafoon: Yeah, great stuff tonight. Have a good night. Stanley Vespucci: All right. Mason Lafoon: See you tomorrow. Weatherly Adams: See you tomorrow. Okay. (Weatherly smiles and waves to them as she backs away. She trips on the rolled up hose on the floor, falls off the set stage, and ... SQUISH!) (Mason and Stanley rush over to check on her. They find her impaled and dead on the prop below. Mason Lafoon: (shouts) Call 911! Call 911! (Mason reaches for his phone. Stanley stops him from dialing.) Stanley Vespucci: Wait, let's think about this. Mason Lafoon: No, but Stanley ... Stanley Vespucci: Mason, she's dead! This time she's not coming back. We've got so many health and safety violations. If we report one more set-related accident -- especially one resulting in a death -- we will lose our bond, our liability insurance, OSHA will shut us down, we'll get our asses sued for wrongful death, and that will be the end of Repulsion Pictures! Is that what you want? Is that what you want?! Mason Lafoon: (shouts) No! BACK TO SCENE. Mason Lafoon: He ... he said "the show must go on," th-that Weatherly ... would have wanted it that ... I don't ... we ... we didn't kill anybody. Brass: But you made it look like a murder, and then you framed your brother. Mason Lafoon: Well, he's been treating me like crap my entire life. (Brass chuckles.) Brass: Yeah, but for that, you're going to send him to jail for the rest of his life? Mason Lafoon: This was all ... this was all Stanley's idea. Brass: Do you realize how much trouble you're in? Mason Lafoon: Look, Stanley was the one who wanted to frame Vincent, okay? All I was supposed to do was clean up the accident scene and pretend to be Vince and buy the roses and that was it. The rest was him. If you don't believe me, talk to the dwarf. (Brass sits down.) Brass: Why? What did he have to do with it? Mason Lafoon: Dickie saw the whole thing. (Quick flashback to: Stanley and Mason talk. Dickie Jones is in the back of the set watching ... and hearing them.) Stanley Vespucci: ... and that will be the end of Repulsion Pictures. Is that what you want? Is that what you want?! Mason Lafoon: No! Mason: (V.O.) And he's been trying to shake down Stanley ever since. BACK TO SCENE. Brass: Well, that would explain the animosity. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - SET -- NIGHT] (Ronnie returns to the warehouse. She wipes the rain from her forehead as she heads to the back to get her phone.) (Thunder rumbles. Lightning flashes. The lights are on. Ronnie enters the room. She grabs her phone off the stage and turns around to leave. She stops at a fresh pool of dripping blood on the floor.) (She looks up and finds Dickie Jones hanging from the overhead beams upside down. He's dead.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET -- NIGHT] (The CSI SUV turns on the road.) [INT. CATHERINE'S CAR (TRAVELING) - NIGHT] (Catherine is driving.) Catherine: (to radio) Control, this is C-13 Willows, trying to contact C-147 Lake. Dispatch: (from radio) C-13, Control. Copy. Stand by. [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - SET -- NIGHT] (Ronnie is on her phone.) Ronnie: (to phone) Hello, Dispatch? (She doesn't get a response. She shakes her phone.) Ronnie: (to phone) Hello? [INT. CATHERINE'S CAR (TRAVELING) - NIGHT] Dispatch: (from radio) C-13, Control. C-147 is not responding. Catherine: (to radio) Okay, thanks. Over and out. [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - SET -- NIGHT] (Ronnie's phone beeps as it disconnects. She looks around. Two gunshots fire.) (She heads out to the door.) (She stops when a WOMAN in a long gown, high spiked heels and a short blonde wig walks across the far entryway. The WOMAN looks like it might be Weatherly.) (Ronnie's phone rings.) (She ducks quickly to the side to hide. She reaches for her phone to turn the ringer off. But the WOMAN turns around and looks at Ronnie. Ronnie runs back to the set.) (She ducks into the corner and crouches against the wall. She opens her phone and makes a call.) SPLIT SCREEN: [INT. CATHERINE'S CAR] Ronnie: (to phone) (whispers) Catherine, it's Ronnie. I'm stuck at Repulsion Pictures. I need backup. Catherine: Ronnie ... Ronnie: (to phone) Hello? (Ronnie looks at her phone.) Catherine: (echo-y) ... uh ... I'm, I'm coming. Ronnie: (to phone) Hello? Catherine: Just ... just stay on the line. ("Weatherly" turns and heads back toward the set where Ronnie is.) Ronnie: (to phone) Hello? Catherine: Ronnie? Ronnie: (to phone) Hello? Catherine: Ronn- (The line goes dead.) Ronnie: (to phone) Hello? (Catherine's phone beeps. She picks up the radio to call dispatch.) Catherine: Dispatch, this is C-13 Willows requesting backup to meet me at Repulsion Pictures. (Catherine turns the sirens on.) [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - SET -- NIGHT] (Meanwhile, Ronnie looks out the window. Lightning flashes and the woman's figure passes by the window, her heels clacking on the floor.) (Ronnie reaches over and picks up the toilet tank cover. She backs away from the door.) (She turns around and ZACK PUTRID is standing there.) (He falls to the floor with a THUD. He grabs Ronnie by her ankle.) Zack Putrid: (gasps) You gotta help me. I'm shot! I'm shot! You gotta get us out of here. (Ronnie puts the cover down and applies pressure to the wound in Zack's back.) Ronnie: (quietly) It's gonna be okay. Keep your voice down. Zack Putrid: (gasping) Do you know how many people I've killed in this place? Ronnie: Shh! Zack Putrid: The irony is exquisite, but the pain is more formidable, you know? I think the pain is preventing me from enjoying the irony. (Ronnie covers Zack's mouth to stop him from talking.) Ronnie: Shh! Shut up! (She removes her hand and he starts talking again.) Zack Putrid: But I ... Ronnie: For the love of God, stop talking. [EXT. STREET - NIGHT] (Catherine's SUV turns onto the road, sirens wailing.) [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - SET -- NIGHT] (Zack coughs blood.) Zack Putrid: Oh, that's not good. (coughs) I should really stop talking and-and try and relax. OTHER POV: Someone watches them. Ronnie: That's good. Yeah, stop talking. Zack Putrid: But I can't stop talking. I've got that thing that ... It's a syndrome. It's a word ... There's a word for it. Ronnie: Shh-shh-shh! Zack Putrid: People have it. It's a syndrome. I can't stop talking. Stanley: Zack. (Ronnie looks up and sees Stanley Vespucci standing up on the mezzanine level above them. He's carrying a gun and raises it at them.) (Zack turns and looks at Stanley.) Zack Putrid: Stanley ... Stanley, don't shoot me again. I don't want to die, okay? You already shot me twice. I learned my lesson, okay? Ronnie: Sir, I'm a CSI. Think about what you're doing. (Thunder rumbles.) Ronnie: Put down your weapon. Stanley Vespucci: I'm sorry, I don't think I can do that. (He cocks the gun. Zack sobs.) (Suddenly, Stanley gasps. He staggers down the stairs with an axe in his back.) (He falls to the floor in front of Ronnie and Zack.) (Behind him, Oliver Zarco is dressed in a blue sequined gown and is wearing a short blonde wig. He's looking a lot like "Weatherly.") (Ronnie looks at Zarco.) Oliver Zarco: Are you okay? Ronnie: (nods) Yeah. (Oliver gulps and sits down hard on the steps. He removes the blonde wig.) (The approaching sirens grow louder.) Oliver Zarco: I really loved her. (He buries his face in the wig and cries.) (Ronnie lets out a shaky breath.) Catherine: (o.s.) Ronnie! (Catherine enters the room with two officers behind her. Their weapons are out.) (Ronnie sits down on the floor.) (Catherine sees the bodies on the floor - and Zarco sitting on the steps. She looks up and sees Dickie Jones hanging from the ceiling beams.) [SCENE_BREAK] [BLACK SCREEN] Zack Putrid: (V.O.) I'm editing late, like I always do, and I hear a shot. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Stanley is turning the crank that raises Dickie Jones up to the ceiling beams by his feet.) Zack Putrid: (V.O.) So, I go outside and check it out. (Zack walks in and sees him.) Zack Putrid: Stanley! Stanley Vespucci: You gotta help me hide the dwarf before the cops come back. Dickie was blackmailing us about Weatherly's accident. He wants to bring the whole company down. Zack Putrid: But you killed him! You killed Dickie! Stanley Vespucci: What's it gonna be, Zack? (He points the gun at Zack.) You gonna help me here or what?! WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. HOSPITAL - ZACK'S ROOM] (Zack talks with Ronnie.) Zack Putrid: Next thing you know, I'm running for my life. And the nut job is chasing me. He shoots me, and then I see the hot ... you. And all I can think the whole time is, "Man, this is great. I could use this stuff." I mean, this is life imitating art imitating life. You are so beautiful. (Ronnie starts to smile.) Zack Putrid: You are ... Your, your face is so expressive. It-it emotes. You do terror so good. Ronnie: I wasn't acting. Zack Putrid: I know. Ronnie: I'll see you. (Ronnie turns to leave.) Zack Putrid: Well, hey, listen. If you ever get tired of fighting crime, you know, there's always a future for you in the horror business. I mean, I'll take you there. Ronnie: Thanks, but I like what I'm doing. Zack Putrid: Oh, hey, the offer's still good. Ronnie: Okay, thanks. Zack Putrid: No, I'm serious. I could build an entire franchise around you. Ronnie: Bye. (Ronnie leaves.) Zack Putrid: (shouts) Seriously. Give me a call. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY / FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (We move through the hallway, past a dead body on a gurney. We turn the corner and enter Forensic Autopsy.) (We hear music and screaming - men screaming, maniacal laughter and a woman screaming.) (We see a dead body on the autopsy table and hear horror movie climax music playing. A man laughs. A door hinge creaks loudly.) (Robbins and David Phillips sit at the desk watching a horror movie and eating popcorn.) Robbins: That is impressive. As the woman's throat is being slashed, you can actually see the entire transverse view of the trachea. David Phillips: That's all you've got to say? (Robbins puts his glasses on and sits forward.) Robbins: I believe I can see the epiglottis. David Phillips: Epiglottis? What about the pathos? I mean ... what about the humanity? This may be Weatherly's finest performance. (Robbins stares at David.) David Phillips: Oh, just watch the movie. (A woman screams. They go back to the popcorn and the movie.) SLIDE TO BLACK. (A man laughs maniacally.)
doc_159	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Ihab: This act will be remembered as the first great act of defiance. (crowd chanting) Jamal: Ihab Rashid is behind all this. Samira: I'm done wishing for change. I am making it happen. Jamal: The wedding night is very special. It's important to be pure. Molly: It's not safe for you to be there. Barry: It's not safe for anyone there. (thumping) Jamal: Run them down! Leila: Go! Jamal: Tomorrow, there will be only pigeons in the square. Barry: What is it you want me to do? Fauzi: I want you to get your hands dirty, to go against your family. Barry: I asked Fauzi Nidal to set up a meeting with Ihab Rashid. Jamal: The man who would have all our heads? Barry: You can go down in history as one more brutal dictator, or you can be remembered as the leader who had the courage to listen to his people. Who do you want to be? Ihab: Jamal has asked me to gather you, the leaders of the various factions who fill the Plaza, to meet with his American brother. This is the second time the Palace has come to me. The agitation in the Plaza, the galvanizing of the people, ooh, has them running scared. It's poker. Right now we have the winning hand. Why negotiate? Hmm? Nobody negotiated with Mubarak. No, no, no, no, no, no. When this Amriki walks in, I'm going to tell him exactly what it will take for us to clear the Plaza: his brother's resignation. Jamal Al Fayeed... he can, uh, take his blood money, go to... go to Paris. (laughter) Or go to London. Spend the rest of his days writing his memoirs. Farah: But what if he's actually willing to offer us something? Ihab: No. His father betrayed my father. I'm not about to let him do the same thing to me. The only offer we will take is for Jamal Al Fayeed to leave Abbudin. Fauzi: You sure about this? Barry: I'm sure of one thing. A narcissist with a messiah complex is not about to negotiate with me. Look, I'm betting Ihab told everyone in earshot that an Al Fayeed asked to sit down with him. He said yes so quickly, 'cause he wants to tell me where to go in front of an audience, but now he's gonna have to explain why he's sitting at the table alone. For my plan to work, I have to take him down a notch. Make the call. Samira: Father, where are you? Everyone's here, and they're... Okay. Okay. It's my father. Ihab: You are late. What do you mean you are not coming?! That is bullshit! (chuckles) (engine stops) (Barry sighs) Barry: Thank you, my friend. Fauzi: You know, I'm worried for you, Bassam. Barry: (chuckles) Been a while since anyone called me that. Fauzi: You know this game you're playing, it's a dangerous game. Barry: I don't see another option. I have to clear the Plaza before Tariq does. John: The garage meet. Classic. This is insane. Why set a meet with Ihab so you can stand him up? Barry: Ihab's having his moment. He was never gonna bargain. So I had to take the wind out of his sails. Ihab's a boy. I want to see his father, the man who almost made peace with my father. I was here, Tucker, okay? I saw it. The people adored him. I need an hour with Sheik Rashid. John: So, you want to use Sheik Rashid to do an end run around Ihab? I mean, what... what happened to the nice family doctor from Pasadena? Barry: Don't screw me around, John. The U.S. brokered Sheik Rashid's asylum 20 years ago. I need to talk to him, and you know where he is. John: Does your brother even know you're here? Barry: I didn't say anything, because he'd never give me this much rope. John: Well, if you want to hang yourself with it, be my guest. Don't expect me to build the gallows. Barry: Tucker, I'm just trying to keep America's ass from landing on the wrong side of history. John: Uh-huh. Which doesn't involve turning you into another Daniel Pearl. My job is to protect American citizens, not serve them up. You end up dead in the desert in a trail that leads back to the U.S. Embassy... Barry: What do you want? In return, what do you want? An inside seat? A heads up on what's happening as it happens? (John sighs) John: Are you offering to spy on your brother? Barry: I have 24 hours. You have less. Tariq: I need to speak to the president. Secretary: Uh... But he-he isn't... Shall I leave him a, um, message? Leila: Who drowned your puppy? Tariq: Have you seen your husband? Leila: I'm not his keeper. Tariq: At least tell me why he ordered me to stand down. I was about to send two brigades to the Plaza, and all of a sudden, he changes his mind with no explanation. He won't take my calls. He's cancelled his meetings for the day. Leila: The president isn't required to consult with his wife on every decision he makes. Tariq: But as his wife, you should know. If Jamal isn't prepared to defend the regime, there are others who will. Leila: I hope, for your sake, you're not threatening my husband. Tariq: On the contrary, I'm trying to protect him. (crowd clamoring over video) (rapid gunfire over video) Ihab: Now these Al Fayeeds, they want to give us platitudes. Leila: He's a parrot. His mouth moves, but other people's words come out. La Boétie, Guevara and his father, the Sheik. Ihab: As men and women of... Leila: But you, you are in the position to make your own history. Jamal: Start with a compliment, end with an ask. What do you want? Leila: Yesterday in the Plaza, they nearly killed you. Jamal: You exaggerate. Leila: No, I was there, Jamal. Three weeks, and the people are already questioning your leadership. Now is the time to be firm, to show them that you are in control. Why are you holding back Tariq? Jamal: Why? For you. Leila: For me? Jamal: If I move against the Plaza, ten times as many will rise up against me, against my family. This is certain, Leila. So what do I do? I wait until tomorrow. Maybe these clouds will bring a storm. Or maybe something will happen to clear them. Leila: Is this you talking? Or is it Bassam? Maybe Ihab is not the only parrot in this country. Jamal: Don't make the mistake of getting between me and my brother. Molly: Reema, what are you doing? Reema: I was just straightening up. Molly: Hold on. Let me see what's in your pocket. Reema: I'll be in the servants' quarters until the police arrive. Molly: Just wait. First tell me why you need Vicodin. Reema: Not me. My brother Salam. Molly: What's wrong with him? Reema... Reema: He broke his arm. He was fixing the roof and he fell. Molly: Well, if his arm is broken, he needs a doctor to set it. You have to take him to the hospital. Reema: No hospital. Molly: Why not? Reema: Please, ma'am. Molly: Okay, tell you what... You take me to see your brother, and this stays between us. Reema: You will tell no one? Molly: No. Ahmed: Where's the fire? Nusrat: You smell like tequila. I have to help your grandma with seating arrangements, okay? Ahmed: Baby, it's been a month and we still haven't... I didn't get married to take care of my own needs! (door slams) Jamal: Mother, this is really beautiful. Amira: Not nearly as beautiful as your daughter-in-law. Jamal: Yes, Ahmed is a lucky man. Is this my grandson I feel in there? Bassam is waiting for me. Amira: Your father would be so happy to see his two sons working together like this. Jamal: He would have been. Amira: Are you all right, Nusrat? The ambassador is deaf in his left ear, so I'm going to put you on his right side. Jamal: So... when am I sitting down with this asshole? Barry: I'm still working out the details. Jamal: What details? He shows up when and where we say! Barry: Yeah, it's not... it's not quite as simple as that. Jamal: It is simple. Who's the president, me or him? (groans) What aren't you telling me? Barry: Nothing. He's just, uh... the guy's playing hard to get. Jamal: Hard to get? Maybe he will play nicer with electrodes on his balls. Barry: Can you please just give me a little more time? Jamal: How much time do you think I have? I've already got Leila crawling up my ass. While you are out buying flowers for this shitball, I'm starting to look like some pussy who can't pull the trigger. Barry: Jamal, I'm working on it. Jamal: Working on it? Well, stop working on it and get it done. (crowd clamoring) Ihab: Abbudin! Crowd: Abbudin! Ihab: He humiliated me. Mohammed: Relax, relax. Ihab: No, no, no, no, no! I'm not going to relax. He can't do this. It makes me look like a fool. That was the point, wasn't it? Mohammed: Take the mic, paint him as the liar he is! Ihab: Oh, and look like a child who dropped his ice cream, huh? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What is the game he's playing? Samira: Same game as you are. You were only there to tell him off to his face. Ihab: You... you knew all along Bassam was going to blow me off. Samira: What?! No! No! Ihab: You set the location, set the time. Samira: Ihab, stop! You're letting your anger get the best of you at a time when the people need your leadership. People are trusting you with their lives. People I know! My friends! Ihab: You don't think I know that, little girl? Hmm? I am not here by accident. Crowd (chanting): Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! Ihab: Abbudin! Barry: Jamal's given me 24 hours to see if I can clear the Plaza peacefully. Molly: What are you gonna do? Barry: Tucker is reaching out to Ihab's father, the Sheik, to try and arrange a meeting. Before my father launched the attack on Ma'an, he and the Sheik sat down for peace talks. Rashid was prepared to negotiate a peaceful solution. Molly: Yeah, and then he bombed the Palace. Barry: An army barracks. And it was his followers, not him. Look, 20 years ago, Rashid was prepared to negotiate with my father. Despite what happened, me sitting down with him now is the only hope we have to stop this blowing up in our faces. Molly: Who's going with you? Barry: I don't know all the details yet, okay? Tucker's gonna call me back. Until then, I'm going to go for a run, okay? Molly: So it's a suicide mission. Barry: That's blowing it out of proportion. And Molly, really, I don't have another choice here. Molly: Of course you have another choice. You also have two kids and a wife. I mean... you're gonna get yourself killed, Barry. Barry: Honey, we're not at home listening to this on NPR, we're in it. And I can do something my father couldn't... I can end this peacefully. Molly: That's Jamal's job, not yours. Why are you putting your life on this line for this? Barry: 'Cause my name's not Smith or Jones! (Molly scoffs) Molly: If I didn't know you better, I'd say you were starting to get off on this. Ahmed: Hakim, I know Nusrat is here. Hakim: Now is not a good time. She's upset. Ahmed: Which is why she should be with her husband and not run to her parents like a child! We had a thing this morning, now she's not returning my calls. Hakim: I swear I'll talk sense into her. You have my word. Do have any idea what position you are putting our family in? Everything we have, it's all from Al Fayeeds! Nusrat: I want a divorce. Hakim: Don't be stupid. Why did you agree to marry Ahmed if you don't love him? Sofia: Tell him. Hakim: Tell me what? Tell me what? Nusrat: It's not Ahmed. It's Jamal. (phone vibrating) Barry: Yeah. John: Barry, it's Tucker. The person you wanted me to reach out to agreed to meet. Barry: Okay. I'll go back and tell Molly... John: You can call Molly from the road. I'm about to jump in the car. Meet me outside the gate. Barry: I'm on my way. All right, guys, that's it for the day. [SCENE_BREAK] John: Thank you for arranging this meeting with your father. Namir Rashid... Bassam Al Fayeed. Namir: Okay, come with me. Oh, no, no... you stay here. John: No, no, no, no, that wasn't the arrangement. Namir: I told my father we should kill him right here, but this is his wish. Turn around, Al Fayeed. Barry: It's okay. Namir: Do it. Ihab (recorded): When this, uh, Amriki walks in here, I'm going to tell him exactly what it will take for us to clear the Plaza: his brother's resignation. Tariq: Our security forces track Ihab Rashid's movements. Imagine their surprise and my embarrassment upon learning he was meeting with your brother. Jamal: Bassam is working for me. He is meeting Ihab Rashid on my orders. Tariq: Bassam's been nowhere near Ihab in the last 24 hours. Jamal: That is wrong. That is wrong! I spoke to Bassam right after their meeting. He looked me in the eyes and told me they are ironing out details. Tariq: Then he lied to you! He's had no contact with Ihab. As a matter of fact, Bassam ditched his security. He is nowhere to be found. Leila: This is why you refuse to clear the Plaza? Bassam... doesn't keep his promises. Jamal: How the hell would you know? Barry (recorded): Hi, you've reached Barry Al Fayeed. Please leave your name and... Tariq: Sir, at least allow me to move my forces into position. (Jamal sighs) Jamal: Fine. But they stand down until I give the order. (coughing) Sheik Rashid: My lungs... (clears throat) A souvenir of the day your father gassed Ma'an. You met my son, Namir. Barry: Yeah, he, uh... he drove me from the border. The hood kind of limited the conversation. Sheik Rashid: You understand our precautions. Barry: Yes. Sheik Rashid: I have always been curious about Khaled's American son. (gunshot) Man: Death to the Al Fayeed! (grunts) Death to the Al Fayeed! Death to the Al Fayeeds! Sheik Rashid: I apologize for his actions, but his anger is understandable. His family was wiped out by yours. Bassam Al Fayeed, yesterday you were my enemy, but today you are my guest. Barry: Sheik Rashid, I need to talk to you about... Sheik Rashid: That's not the way it's done. First, we eat. Hakim: Mr. President, you are too kind, taking time away from important issues of state to deal with a personal matter. Leila: To what do we owe this pleasure? Hakim: Marriage... it's a complicated proposition, and Nusrat has always been... fragile. Overly emotional. My wife and I are to blame. We coddled her. Jamal: Cut to the chase. Hakim: We ask for nothing, just a quick and quiet dissolution of the marriage. Leila: Divorce? On what grounds? Tell me, Hakim. We have welcomed your daughter to this family as one of our own. Ahmed is my son. I demand to know what this is about. Hakim: Please, ma'am, are the details really important? (Jamal groans) Jamal: Will you wait for me outside? Hakim: Sure. (door closes) Jamal: I will fix this. Leila: You'd better. We can't afford another humiliation. Jamal: I said I will fix this. (gunshot) Your turn. Hakim: I'm no match for you. Jamal (chuckles): Yeah. That's true. So, tell me, Hakim, what is this nonsense about a divorce? Your daughter has everything a woman could want. Why you don't talk sense to her? Hakim: Believe me, Mr. President, I have tried. Jamal: "Tried." Well, not hard enough. My father gave you the telecommunication franchise in this country. Now, your family has everything it has because my family gave it to you. Hakim: And I'm forever in your debt. Jamal: Then act like it. Hakim: Please, I beg you. There is no talking sense with a sleepwalker. She's in a doctor's care. He prescribes therapy, medication. My daughter is weak, and your son did his best. Jamal: "Did his best"? Are you saying this is Ahmed's fault? Hakim: No, of course not. Jamal: Then what are you saying? What reason did she give? (chuckles) Hakim: I swear, she will go to the grave with her secret. Jamal: Tell me what she told you. Hakim: Uh, it doesn't matter. Jamal: You know what, you are right. It doesn't matter. (muffled screaming) There will be no divorce, Hakim. (Hakim groaning) Your whore of a daughter is going to crawl back into my son's bed! She will bear him children. As many as he wants. Hakim: Mr. President, please! Please, sir! (gunshot) (screaming) Molly: It's not just his arm. He fractured multiple ribs when he fell. His pulse is racing and weak. He's anxious. (sighs) Reema, with this kind of injury, he could be bleeding on the inside. It's okay, it's okay. We're gonna get you to a hospital. Reema: I said no hospital. Molly: He wasn't fixing a roof, was he? Reema: He was in the Plaza. When the president's motorcade came, people, they start pushing. He is innocent, but the camera, they saw him. If he seeks help now, they'll arrest him. Molly: He'll die if he doesn't. Reema: Better to die here than live through what they will do to him. His friends in the Plaza, they tagged a street sign with "free Abbudin" and were arrested. When their father went to the police, begged for his children, he was told to make new ones. Salam is my only family. Please, help us. Emt: What's his name? (indistinct radio transmission) Reema: Salam. Salam Halabi. Molly: Radial fracture, multiple broken ribs, suspected hemothorax from intercostal hemorrhaging. We need to throw in a chest tube. Emt: I'm sorry, but you can't take this man. He is wanted by the authorities. We have to alert the police... Molly: He'll die if you wait. Emt: Before we admit him to the hospital. Then he'll die. Molly: No, he won't. I won't let him. Emt: And who are you? Molly: Dr. Molly Al Fayeed. Emt: We were just following the law. A thousand pardons. Molly: You don't... you don't need to apologize to me. Just get him to the hospital. You know what, why don't I come with you and make sure no one else makes the same mistake. Namir: Bless Allah for protecting us and for all that we have. Sheik Rashid: Alhamdulillah. All: Alhamdulillah. Sheik Rashid: I see you are anxious to talk. Barry: Yes. Sheik Rashid: Walk with me. (Sheik Rashid coughs) You made a long trip to avoid the more obvious choice. Barry: Ihab doesn't want to talk. He wants his turn, and that's not going to happen. (Sheik Rashid laughs) Sheik Rashid: You must be worried. Otherwise, you are not here. Barry: I'm worried about the price we'll have to pay for either side to win. There's a book I-I read about apartheid in South Africa. A white man says about the blacks, "my greatest fear" "is that by the time we have come to love," "they will have come to hate." Sheik Rashid: Have you come to love? Barry: I've come to talk. You and I have more in common than anyone else in this. We're both exiled... for different reasons... by force or by choice. But we both have the advantage of an outsider's perspective. Sheik Rashid: You came back. Why? Barry: To try and keep my brother from making my father's mistakes. Finish with my brother what you started with my father. Negotiate a political solution. Sheik Rashid: This is a young man's fight. Barry: And I need an old man to be my partner. Someone who wants nothing for himself. Sheik Rashid: You think that's me? Barry: Well, I think we both have a second chance here to make this right. You and I both know history. If we don't try, then your son or my brother and so many people along with them will be consumed by this. Imprisoned, exiled... or dead within a year. Sheik Rashid: Death doesn't scare me... Bassam Al Fayeed. I've seen too much of it. (Sheik Rashid coughs) Barry: I don't believe you. w After 20 years, you're still alive. I'm a doctor. I believe that life itself is hope. And I think that you do, too. [SCENE_BREAK] John: You didn't close the deal. Barry: Thought it was going in the right direction. He... just said he needed to sleep on it. But when he woke up... John: Well, you may have failed, but, uh, the reach... It was impressive. Get in. I'll take you back to the Palace. (crowd clamoring over video) (rapid gunfire over video) Jamal: General... (sighs) Clear the Plaza. (crowd clamoring) (whistle blowing) Ihab: They're moving into the Plaza. Mohammed: After your speech, there's a van waiting for you. Samira: Ihab. So, when they start shooting, you won't be standing with the people? (whistle blowing) Crowd (chanting): Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! (chanting, clamoring continues) (helicopter hovering overhead) Fauzi: Samira. Let's go before it's too late. Samira: I'm not leaving. Fauzi: You would die for him? Samira: Ihab may be trying to replace one tyranny with another. But the people... they won't let him. And I'm standing here with them. Fauzi: I'll stand with you. Leila: Thank you for coming. Sofia: How can you do this? You're feeding her to the wolves. Hakim: It's not like we have a choice. Sofia: She's our daughter. Amira: Hakim. What happened to you? Hakim: It's nothing. A hunting accident. Amira: And yet you're here. What one does for family. Nusrat. Leila: Beautiful as ever. It's all for you. Everything here... Is all for you. Ahmed: Nusrat. Nusrat: Everything's going to be okay. Ahmed: Come. Let's greet everyone. Nusrat: Okay. Leila: Enjoy the party. (Jamal sighs) Jamal: Look at the newlyweds. Leila: What a persuasive man. (both sighing) Barry: You were right. Why did I think I could come here and do something my father couldn't? Thank you... for putting your life on hold for me. Being here with me. Molly: I think I really needed to hear that. Crowd (chanting): Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! Ihab: Raise your phones! Record this moment in history! As long as we have a camera, the revolution continues! (crowd cheering) And if... if we are the first martyrs to liberate Abbudin, then so be it! (crowd cheering) I stand with you, my brothers and sisters. Crowd (chanting): Free Abbudin! Ihab: I stand with you, united... united... unite... (crowd quiets) [SCENE_BREAK] (applause) Sheik Rashid: Brothers... and sisters. 20 years in exile, but I have come home. (crowd cheering) Tariq: Your brother is back. Jamal: Excuse me. Liar. You told me you were going to meet Ihab Rashid. I trusted you. You are my blood, and you betrayed me. Molly: Jamal. Jamal: No, Molly. If your husband is a traitor, I need to know. Molly: He's not a traitor. Tariq: He deceived the president. Threatened our national security. John: Mr. President. General. Uh, you need to see something. Sheik Rashid: Willing to put aside the atrocities of the past, to join our cause. I demand to sit down with president Jamal Al Fayeed. (crowd cheering) Jamal: He demands? Sheik Rashid: Free Abbudin! Crowd: Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! (chanting continues) Barry: This is it. You can finish something our father couldn't. Pardon the Sheik and sit down with him. Tariq: This is insane. Our soldiers are in place, awaiting your order. Barry: Then stand them down. Jamal, you can end this without firing a shot. This is what you wanted. Jamal: Is it? (breathes deeply) (chanting continues over TV) General, tell your men to stand down. Tariq: But, Mr. President...
doc_160	•I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] GILES VOICEOVER: Previously... Buffy and Spike against the wall kissing in "Smashed." SPIKE VOICEOVER: Last night changed things. BUFFY: The only thing that's different is that I'm disgusted with myself. Dawn and Willow walking down the street. DAWN: Is this the way to the movies? Dawn and Willow coming through the walls into Rack's place. DAWN: What is this place? WILLOW: I'll just be a minute. Willow suspended inside a ball of magic. BUFFY: Willow's into something. Her and Dawn have been missing for hours. DAWN: Do you know how long I've been out here? WILLOW: (with black eyes) Let's get outta here. Dawn in the car. The car crashing. Spike and Buffy leading an injured Dawn. WILLOW: Dawnie, I'm sorry! Dawn slapping Willow. Willow crying. BUFFY: You could have killed her! WILLOW: I need help! Willow and Buffy in Willow's bedroom. WILLOW: No more spells. I'm finished. Warren stealing the diamond from the museum. WARREN: Got it. JONATHAN: It's beautiful. WARREN: Congratulations, Phase One of the plan is now complete. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser [SCENE_BREAK] Open on a table covered with magical stuff: tarot cards, candles, little bowls and boxes of herbs, etc. A pair of hands comes into the shot and sweeps everything into a cardboard box. Pull back to reveal Buffy. She begins removing pillar candles from the table and putting them in the box too. Reveal Dawn standing by the bookshelf looking at books. Her left arm is in a sling. She puts a book in a box, looks over at Buffy. DAWN: Candles?! We can't have candles? BUFFY: Dawn, it's magic clearance. Everything must go. Buffy looks over at Willow, who is sitting cross-legged on the bed. Willow nods. DAWN: B-but they're just candles! BUFFY: (sighs, stands up) Well, yeah, you know, to you and me they're just candles, but to ... witches they're ... like bongs. Willow nods sadly. Dawn sighs. BUFFY: So, no candles, no charms ... (walking toward the door to the bathroom) no- WILLOW: Bird. BUFFY: (stops walking) No bird? WILLOW: That peacock on the table. (looks at the side table near Buffy) It has two crystals in it. Buffy picks up the small statue of a bird. She opens it and finds two crystals inside. WILLOW: Tara, she... (Buffy looking at her) she left them. (Dawn looking at them) BUFFY: I'll make sure she gets them. Willow nods. Cut to downstairs. Buffy walks into the living room carrying a cardboard box. She begins walking around, picking up things and putting them in the box. Dawn follows. BUFFY: (over her shoulder) Dawn, do me a favor, can you grab the fertility god statue on the desk over there? DAWN: Kokopelli?! No! I love him! And he was Mom's. Buffy puts hands on hips and just looks at Dawn. DAWN: (upset) Why do we have to get rid of so many things I like? BUFFY: Dawn, I explained this to you. Willow has a problem. The next few weeks are gonna be ... crazy hard on her as it is. Buffy turns away as she continues talking. Dawn rolls her eyes and turns to pick up the statue. BUFFY: (on the sofa, moving cushions around) Any reminder of, of what it is that she's trying to stay away from, you know, could cause her to ... give in to temptation. Buffy digs among the sofa cushions and finds something. It's a cigarette lighter. She flips it open and stares at it. Flash to Buffy and Spike in the abandoned building, kissing and slamming each other up against the walls. Flash back to the present. Buffy still stares at the lighter. BUFFY: And that would be bad. She turns and tosses the lighter into the cardboard box. Cut to a closeup of the stolen diamond seen through a magnifying glass. A hand takes it out of its black-velvet-lined case and holds it up. Cut out to reveal Warren, wearing safety goggles and sitting at a workbench. A device of some sort, vaguely machine-gun-shaped, is on the bench in front of him. He puts the diamond into a space on top of the device, in the middle of a star shape formed by six metal spikes. He places a glass cover over the diamond. WARREN: (triumphant) Okay, that's it. It's finally done. Jonathan and Andrew come up behind him to look. WARREN: I mean, it still needs a trial run, but it's- JONATHAN: Kind of clunky-looking. WARREN: What?! ANDREW: I pictured something cooler. More ILM, less Ed Wood. WARREN: (gets up angrily) You wanna see cool? I'll show you cool. Warren picks up the device. Jonathan and Andrew look alarmed, back away. Warren points the device at them for a moment, then turns away, fiddling with the controls. The device makes a whirring noise as the star-shaped bit on top spins around. A bolt of reddish light shoots out and hits one of the leather chairs on the platform. The chair disappears. The Geeks stare in awe. Andrew pushes past the others and goes over to where the chair was. Jonathan follows slowly. JONATHAN: Mama! Warren watches with a smirk. Andrew and Jonathan stand on either side of where the chair was. Andrew makes gestures like he's feeling around in the air. JONATHAN: Did it ... is it... ANDREW: Yeah. Jonathan grins excitedly, turns and very carefully sits down on the invisible chair. He spins around a few times, giggles crazily. Andrew stares in awe. JONATHAN: (laughing, to Warren) I'd call that a successful test. WARREN: Well, that's just half the test. Warren begins flipping switches again. The diamond begins to whirl. JONATHAN: Hey! Hey! Andrew leaps for cover and Jonathan pulls his arms and legs up to shield himself as Warren zaps him again. The chair reappears. Jonathan looks nervously at his arms, making sure he's still visible, then gets up angrily. JONATHAN: You pen1s! WARREN: Oh, cheer up, Frodo. Because thanks to my brains, and our mystical gem, we got ourselves an invisibility ray. (shoulders the weapon) And I'd say that makes us pretty much unstoppable. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Danny Strong, Adam Busch, Tom Lenk, Daniel Hagen, and Susan Ruttan. Written and directed by David Fury. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Buffy in the kitchen, yelling toward upstairs. BUFFY: Dawn, come on, you gotta eat breakfast! Xander's gonna be here any second. No response. Buffy sighs, turns back into the kitchen. BUFFY: She's gonna be late for school again. Willow is at the stove cooking, wearing pajamas. Buffy looks over at her. Close shot of Willow's hands putting bits of ham into a cooking omelet. BUFFY: How are you doing? WILLOW: I'm okay. Not 'ready to head back to classes, face the world' okay, but ... the shakiness is only semi now. I thought I'd spend the day fishing the net, for more poop on the, uh, stolen diamond. Dawn enters, her arm still in a sling. BUFFY: I called you before. DAWN: (sullen) Didn't hear you. Dawn pours herself a glass of orange juice. WILLOW: Hey Dawnie, uh, I'm making you a nice omelet. DAWN: Not hungry. (drinks juice) BUFFY: Dawn, you need to eat something. DAWN: Thanks for your concern. Dawn slams her glass down and leaves. WILLOW: Okay, I deserve the wrath of Dawn, but ... why is she taking it out on you? BUFFY: Because I let it happen. WILLOW: Buffy, I was the one who- BUFFY: Who was drowning. My best friend. And I was too wrapped up in my own dumb life to even notice. Suddenly the door from the back porch bursts open. Willow and Buffy look over in surprise as a blanket-covered shape enters, slams the door shut and throws off the blanket, revealing Spike. He straightens up, smoothes down his hair, looks at them. SPIKE: Morning. BUFFY: What are you doing? And, here? (Willow returns to cooking) SPIKE: Just, uh, took a stroll. Found myself in your neck of the woods. BUFFY: Couldn't find a less flammable time of day to take a stroll? SPIKE: Yeah, well, the fact is my lighter's gone missing. Thought it might have, uh, dropped outta my pocket the last time I was here. BUFFY: Haven't seen it. Buffy turns to the sink. Willow takes the omelet pan and puts it on the counter next to the sink. WILLOW: I'm, uh, gonna head back to my room, get dressed. BUFFY: Oh, I... Buffy starts to follow Willow out, but stops. She leans one hand against the island, watches Willow go. Then she turns to Spike with a resigned expression. BUFFY: Lame. SPIKE: What? BUFFY: You. Making up excuses. (goes back to the sink) SPIKE: Oh, don't flatter yourself, luv. (walking toward her) Bloody fond of that lighter. Buffy turns away from the sink, glares at him. BUFFY: Stop trying to see me. And stop calling me that. SPIKE: (walks over to her) So, um ... what should I call you then? Pet? Buffy just looks at him as he leans right up in her face. SPIKE: (grinning) Sweetheart? My, uh ... (fondling a piece of her hair) little goldilocks? He toys with her hair for a moment with one hand, then the other. SPIKE: You know I love this hair. The way it bounces around when you- Buffy suddenly lifts her hand out of the sink, holding a spatula on trajectory toward Spike's face, but he grabs her wrist and stops it. SPIKE: Ah-ah-ah! This flapjack's not ready to be flipped. His other hand is on her shoulder and now drops down out of shot. BUFFY: What the hell is that supposed to- Buffy breaks off with a small sigh of pleasure, closing her eyes. BUFFY: (whispers) Stop that. Spike looks downward, but we still can't see what his hand is doing. XANDER: Good Godfrey Cambridge, Spike! Spike and Buffy look over to see Xander standing in the doorway. Buffy quickly shoves Spike's hands off her, drops the spatula into the sink. XANDER: Still trying to mack on Buffy? Wake up already. Never gonna happen! (Spike and Buffy glaring at him) Only a complete loser would ever hook up with you. (Buffy looking insulted) Well, unless she's a simpleton like Harmony, or a, or a nut sack like Drusilla- BUFFY: Hey! You really need to get Dawn off to school. Let's go, go fetch her, okay? Buffy walks over to Xander, takes his arm and guides him toward the hallway. BUFFY: (not turning back) You can let yourself out, right Spike? Spike watches them go with a smirk. Cut to Buffy and Xander emerging into the foyer. BUFFY: (calling) Dawn! You better get going, Xander's here! DAWN: Here. Dawn appears from upstairs. BUFFY: Okay, you have everything you need? DAWN: (interrupting) Yep. BUFFY: And after school, you- DAWN: Yeah yeah. Let's go, Xander. (walking toward the door) BUFFY: (intercepting her) You will come straight home. DAWN: (sarcastic) Sure. Maybe we can find some time for you to (Buffy opens door) get me into another car accident. As the door opens we find a middle-aged woman standing on the front step holding some papers. Buffy gives Dawn a sour look, then notices the woman. MS. KROGER: (removing her glasses, smiling at Dawn) Oh, good morning. You must be Dawn. (Dawn nods) BUFFY: Can I help you? MS. KROGER: I'm Doris Kroger, from Social Services. (displaying her ID badge) We had an appointment? BUFFY: Oh, for Wednesday. MS. KROGER: This is Wednesday. Buffy looks at Xander, who nods. BUFFY: Right! Well ... Dawn, you better... Dawn rolls her eyes in utter adolescent disdain and leaves, pushing past Ms. Kroger. BUFFY: (sighs) And, and Xander, you'll drive safely? XANDER: Yes ma'am. Xander follows Dawn out. Ms. Kroger enters the foyer. MS. KROGER: (smiles at Buffy) Little bit on the tardy side, isn't she? BUFFY: (closing door) Yeah, well, uh, it's been one of those mornings, you know. (notices that Ms. Kroger has already gone into the living room) Hey, come on in. Ms. Kroger stands in the doorway to the living room, looking around. Buffy walks up beside her. BUFFY: Sorry about the mess, you know, doing a little house-cleaning. In foreground we see Spike sitting slouched in an armchair. SPIKE: So, we gonna chat this out, or what? BUFFY: (nervous) Uh ... now's really not a-a good time. Um, I have company. (indicates Ms. Kroger) SPIKE: (making himself comfortable) No worries. I'll wait. MS. KROGER: Um, Miss Summers, if you and your boyfriend would like to- BUFFY: He is NOT- Spike looks over with a scowl. BUFFY: (clears throat) Not my, my boyfriend, he's, um, just ... a... Spike looks over at her, waiting to hear what she'll say. BUFFY: Spike ... this nice woman is, uh, (meaningfully) from Social Services? SPIKE: Oh, right! (gets up) Uh ... hey! Buffy's a great mom. She takes good care of her little sis. (Both Buffy and Ms. Kroger smiling) Like, um, when Dawn was hanging out too much in my crypt, Buffy put a right stop to it. MS. KROGER: (frowning) I'm sorry, did you say- BUFFY: Crib! (fake laugh) He said crib. You know kids today and their buggin' street slang. Ms. Kroger isn't convinced. Buffy walks over to Spike, takes his arm and turns him around. BUFFY: Uh, Spike, didn't you have to go now, you know, because of that thing? SPIKE: Uh, thing, yeah. Uh, my blanket. Buffy scowls, picks up the blanket and throws it at him. He catches it, scowls back at her. Faceoff. Shot of Ms. Kroger observing all this with raised eyebrows. Spike turns, still scowling, and exits into the kitchen. Buffy watches him go, looking conflicted. Then puts on a bright smile and turns back to the social worker. MS. KROGER: He sleeps here? BUFFY: What? No! No. Oh, uh, the, the, the blanket. That's, um, uh, it's a security thing, you know. He ... has issues. Nope, just me and Dawn living here. WILLOW: (OS, calling from upstairs) Buffy, I'm not feeling hot, so uh, I'm gonna take a quick nap, okay? BUFFY: (calling) Okay, Will! Buffy looks nervously at Ms. Kroger, who gives her a questioning look. BUFFY: That's Willow. She, uh, she kind of lives here too, actually. MS. KROGER: Oh, so you live with another woman. BUFFY: Oh! Oh, it's not a, a gay thing, you know, I mean, well... Ms Kroger has noticed the box full of magical stuff to be thrown out. She picks up a plastic baggie containing some herbs. BUFFY: ...she's gay, but, but we don't ... gay. Not that there's anything - (notices Ms. Kroger looking at the herb) Oh! Wrong with... (rushes over) You know, I know what that looks like, but I, I swear, it's not ... what it looks like. (Ms. Kroger looking shocked) It's magic weed. Buffy realizes that came out wrong, grabs the plastic bag from Ms. Kroger and tosses it back in the box. BUFFY: It's not mine. MS. KROGER: I think I've seen enough. She turns to leave. Buffy hurries after her. BUFFY: No, a-actually, I really don't think that you have. It's just ... i-it's been kind of, kind of a, a bad time. MS. KROGER: It's been a bad time now for a while, hasn't it, Ms. Summers? Your sister's grades have fallen sharply in the last year, due in large part to her frequent absences and lateness. BUFFY: But there-there are good reasons. MS. KROGER: Oh, I'm sure there are. But my interest is in Dawn's welfare. And the stability of her home life, something I'm just not convinced that an unemployed young woman like yourself can provide. BUFFY: I can. I, I do! MS. KROGER: Well, we'll just have to see about that then, won't we? She goes to the door, stops and turns back. MS. KROGER: Oh, and I'm, uh, going to recommend immediate probation in my report. BUFFY: What does that mean? MS. KROGER: It means that I'll be monitoring you very closely, Ms. Summers. And if I don't see that things are improving, well, I'll be forced to recommend that you be stripped of your sister's guardianship. BUFFY: You can't do that. MS. KROGER: (opens the door) I do what is in Dawn's best interest ... as should you. Have a nice day. She goes out the door. Buffy stares after her for a moment, then sighs and closes the door, stands leaning with one hand on the door frame. SPIKE: Didn't go well, huh? We see Spike standing in the foyer. Buffy turns to face him, leans against the door jamb, sighs. BUFFY: (quietly) Why won't you go? SPIKE: (surprised) I just thought you'd want- BUFFY: (harshly) Get out of here! Spike looks surprised, then angry. He lunges forward and pins Buffy against the wall, one hand on the wall beside her head. Their faces are inches apart. Spike does something with his other hand out of shot and Buffy closes her eyes, breathes heavily. Close shot of Spike's hand inside Buffy's front jeans pocket, moving around. Then he pulls out his lighter and holds it up in front of her face. SPIKE: Just getting what I came for, luv. He moves in closer as if to kiss her, but then turns away and strides off down the hall toward the kitchen. SPIKE: (not looking back) So long, goldilocks. Buffy sighs, stands there breathing a little heavily and looking upset. After a moment she moves away from the wall. Cut to Buffy's room. She walks in, slams the door and leans against it, looking upset, whimpering a little. She puts her face in her hands, then walks forward, shaking her arms and moving her shoulders around. She paces a bit, sits down in front of her vanity table, puts her head in her hands again. Then she lifts her head, looks at herself in the mirror. She turns to open a drawer, searches through it, closes it, opens another drawer, takes out a pair of scissors. She grabs a fistful of her hair and chops it off with the scissors. She drops the hair on the floor and starts cutting off another piece, looking angrily at her reflection. Shot of the locks of hair lying on the carpeted floor. Cut to close shot of a woman with a wild "tousled" hairdo. CLEO: Well, I-I think I can work with this. We see that she's standing behind Buffy who sits in a barber's chair, both looking at Buffy in the mirror. Buffy's shorn hair is about shoulder-length and all uneven. CLEO: What exactly would you like me to do? BUFFY: Just make me ... different. Cut to the street, day. Warren emerges from the rear of the Geeks' black van, closes the door and walks around the side of the van, carrying something covered by a cloth. Andrew and Jonathan appear on either side of him, walking. We see that they're in an alley. ANDREW: I'm scared, what if we get caught? JONATHAN: No way, we'll be invisible. Plus their security's gotten lax. WARREN: (chuckles) You should know. You've cased this joint enough. They emerge from the alley onto a main street, turn the corner and approach a large storefront. The sign in the window reads: "Spa, Women Only. Bikini Wax Wednesdays" and a cartoon picture of a woman. WARREN: Okay, this is it. The Geeks stop walking. Warren faces the others. WARREN: Remember... Warren removes the black cloth, revealing the invisibility ray gun. WARREN: ...we're professionals. The others nod uncertainly. Andrew looks away. Long shot of Buffy emerging from the hairdresser's across the street. Her hair is now neatly styled at shoulder-length. She begins to walk across the sidewalk. ANDREW: (nudging Jonathan nervously) Uh, Slayer! WARREN: What? Wh-where? ANDREW: There. Headed this way. Warren turns to look, fearfully. Buffy walks between some parked cars (one minivan with bumper stickers reading "God Bless America" and "United We Stand") and begins to cross the street. Cut back to Warren staring at her. He lifts his hand and suddenly realizes the invisibility ray isn't in it. He turns and realizes that the other two geeks aren't standing behind him any more. JONATHAN: (OS) Give it! Cut to the alley just around the corner. Andrew and Jonathan are fighting over the ray gun. Warren runs around the corner and finds them. ANDREW: No, I need to be invisible! JONATHAN: I need it more, Buffy can't see me! WARREN: Hey, watch it, don't you- Warren runs over and tries to get the ray away from them. The bit on top is spinning and the whirring noise intensifies. Suddenly the red light bursts out of the invisibility ray. It hits Buffy as she walks past the mouth of the alley. It also hits a tree, a fire hydrant, some traffic cones, and a Dumpster, all of which immediately disappear. The Geeks stare in dismay. Zoom in on Andrew. ANDREW: Oopsie. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Open on a close shot of Xander in the magic shop, staring at something. XANDER: What happened to Buffy? She's gone. ANYA: She's right here. We see that Xander and Anya are studying a diagram of seating arrangements. ANYA: (points) Table four. I put her with your family. XANDER: Great. Except, we don't hate Buffy. Shot of the magic shop door opening but there's no one there. XANDER: (OS) Let's put her back at table one. (The door closes again and the camera pulls back into the shop) ANYA: (OS) Well, where do I put D'Hoffryn? XANDER: (OS) We're not inviting D'Hoffryn. ANYA: We have to, he's my ex-boss! You're inviting your work buddies. The camera continues pulling back and then swings around to face Anya and Xander again. We hear Buffy's voice but we don't see her. INVISIBLE BUFFY: She's got a point. XANDER: Hey, Buffy... Xander turns around to look at Buffy, but doesn't see her. Confused, he stands up and looks around. XANDER: Where ... where are you? INVISIBLE BUFFY: At table four, apparently. ANYA: (frowning, looking around) Well, that remains to be seen. Like you. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Don't strain yourself looking, Xander. I'm invisible girl. Anya comes out from behind the counter as Xander continues looking around, holding his hands up at breast height. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Uh, Xander? Xander jumps and pulls his hands back quickly. XANDER: (nervous laugh) Sorry! (to Anya) Her clothes are ... invisible ... too. (to the empty air where he thinks Buffy is) Buffy, how did this hap ... wait a sec, have you been feeling ... ignored lately? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Yeah, ignored. I wish. No, this isn't a Marcie deal. I don't know what happened. I left Main Street after getting my hair cut, and- ANYA: You cut your hair? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Oh, yeah! ANYA: Really? How short? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Um, about up to here ... well, if you could see my hand, it's kind of above my shoulders. ANYA: Ahh, that sounds so adorable! I was thinking about getting my hair cut before the wed- XANDER: Can we get back to freaking out about no-show Buffy? (Anya looks chastised) This is serious. INVISIBLE BUFFY: I know. It kind of fits the day I've had. The camera moves over to a table where there's a basket full of baseball-sized balls. One of them lifts into the air and begins moving around as if Buffy is tossing it from hand to hand. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Willow's still a wreck, Dawn's mad at both of us, and the social services lady put me through a wringer. Says she's gonna watch me. I'd like to see her try now. Invisible Buffy holds up a second ball. The balls have symbols painted on them that make them look a little like eyes. She holds them next to each other, moves them as if the eyes are looking side to side. INVISIBLE BUFFY: You know, there may be an upside to no-see-me. (the balls float over toward Anya) XANDER: Buff, did you say anyone, or ... anything suspicious before you ... cleared out? Buffy continues playing with the 'eyes' next to Anya's head, making Anya nervous. She turns them so they look cross-eyed. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Nope, didn't see nothin'. (laughs) See what I did there, with the eyeballs? ANYA: (nervously, to Xander) Why would anyone make her invisible anyway? I mean, invisible Slayer's gotta be way more effective than the standard variety. Through this the 'eyeballs' turn to 'look' at Anya and then at Xander. Now they move away. We hear Buffy's footsteps. XANDER: Yeah, I'm less with the why and more with the how. We get the how, then we got how to make her unseen sight seen again, right? A human skull floats up beside Xander's shoulder. Its mouth moves up and down. INVISIBLE BUFFY: 'Saright! XANDER: (annoyed) Buffy, could you focus please? INVISIBLE BUFFY: (making the skull 'look around') I am! Just ... this is kind of fun. ANYA: Well, it would help if we had a little bit more to go on. Or ... anything to go on. XANDER: Well, I could go check the spot where Buffy disappeared. Snoop for clues. INVISIBLE BUFFY: (putting skull back on a shelf) Yeah, right. Uh, hey, you know what? I'm just gonna ... go for a walk. (footsteps heading toward the door) XANDER: A walk? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Yeah. Um, clear my head. (Xander following her toward the door) You guys keep working on those whats and hows. (laughs) Clear my head. The door opens. XANDER: Buffy! The door closes. Anya grimaces and shrugs, sits down in front of the seating plan again. ANYA: Well, seems pretty obvious it's some kind of spell that's done this to her. XANDER: Spell from who? You said it yourself, it makes no sense for one of her enemies to make her invisible. ANYA: Maybe it's a mistake. XANDER: A magical mistake. (small laugh) Who'd be messing with that kind of pow- Suddenly he stops, looking thoughtful. Anya turns to look at him. Cut to the Summers house, dining room. Pan across the table covered with open books. Willow's computer is set up at the end of the table, and she sits in front of it, drinking from a bottle of water. She puts the water down, picks up a book and looks under it, looks under another pile of books. Looks across and sees the book she wants -- at the other end of the table. Willow holds out her hand. The book moves a little. She stops, pulls her hand back. Sound of the door opening. XANDER: Willow. WILLOW: (OS) Xander! Xander enters from the front door and walks into the dining room. Willow looks guilty. XANDER: How's it going? WILLOW: Um ... good. (Xander sits) I, I, uh, found ... out some stuff about the diamond stolen from the museum. (Xander not really listening) It's called the Illuminata, and there's rumors of it having quasi-mystical quantum properties. XANDER: Willow, we need to talk. WILLOW: (nervous) We ... are talking. Well, I'm talking and you're looking at me funny. XANDER: Is there something you wanna tell me? They look at each other for a moment. Willow looks upset. WILLOW: It was nothing, I ... I-I didn't slip. XANDER: Will, nobody's mad. Relapse is a part of recovery, we understand that. We just have to figure a way to fix it. WILLOW: (confused) Fix what? XANDER: Fix Buffy. WILLOW: Buffy's broken? XANDER: Will, you know what I'm talki - (sees her expression) You don't know. Willow shakes her head, still confused. XANDER: Rhymes with ... 'blinvisible'? WILLOW: What? XANDER: Buffy was in town, leaving the haircutting place, when she suddenly just- WILLOW: Buffy got her hair cut? XANDER: (sarcastic) Yeah! Adorable, apparently. I personally couldn't tell, since she's all 'blinvisible.' WILLOW: (upset) And you think I had something to do with this? XANDER: Uh, no ... not ... (sighs) Well, come on, Will. Some of the spells you've done have caused some weird stuff to happen to each of us at one time or another. And let's not forget the recent forgetting. WILLOW: Oh. I see, so now when anything nasty happens, I get conveniently blamed for it? XANDER: No one's blaming! WILLOW: (stands up) So ... I guess it wouldn't matter if I just jump off the wagon completely ... since you already think I'm making pit stops. XANDER: Well, look, if you said you didn't do it - (Willow grabs her coat and goes past him) Willow, where you going? WILLOW: For a walk. She opens the front door and exits. Xander watches her go in dismay. Cut to the Geek Trio's underground lair. Warren is working on the invisibility ray, using a small blow-torch. Jonathan and Andrew watch. WARREN: Couple of circuits are burned out, and the wiring's all fried. ANDREW: But we had so many plans. Naked women, and all ... well, all-all the naked women. (to Jonathan) This is all your fault, if you hadn't grabbed it from me- JONATHAN: Hey, we got a lot bigger problems here, bonehead. The Slayer's invisible now? ANDREW: He's right. (to Warren) She could be anywhere. (Warren stops working, looks at him) Even here, right now. All three look around very nervously. ANDREW: (quietly) Watching. Listening to every word we say. (very dramatically) For all we know, she could be one of us! Warren and Jonathan look each other up and down for a long moment, anxiously. Suddenly they all burst into relieved laughter. ANDREW: Oh, wait, no, guys, that isn't true. WARREN: (returning to his work) I wouldn't sweat the Slayer too much. JONATHAN: Says you. In my book an invisible slayer means a whole world of trouble. Cut to a park, day. A young woman sits on a bench reading a book. She wears a purple baseball cap. The camera moves toward her. We can see that the edges of the cap are decorated with metal studs. Suddenly the cap lifts off the woman's head and floats around in front of her face. She looks very surprised. INVISIBLE BUFFY: (spooky voice) I am the ghost of fashion victims past. (normal voice) Studded caps? Not a good idea. The woman looks scared, gets up and runs away. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Hey! I'm doing you a favor! The camera (Buffy's POV) swings down to discover a garbage can. The cap drops into it. Then the camera moves around to see two people jogging past. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Naah ... too easy. The camera moves forward toward the street. We see a cop standing next to a parked SUV, writing a ticket. The camera moves closer. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Hmm... The camera moves back to find the cop's golf-cart-like vehicle parked behind the SUV. Cut back to the cop. He looks up in surprise at the sound of an engine starting. INVISIBLE BUFFY: So long, copper! The golf cart drives past him and on down the street, apparently empty. The cop runs after it. COP: Hey ... Hey! That's mine! Stop! Cut to the golf cart pulling to a stop beside the curb in another part of town. Pan over to reveal a large building with the words "Department of Social Services" on the side. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Hello, Mrs. Kroger. Cut to inside. A typical office setting. Phones ringing, people walking around. Pan down the hall to reveal Ms. Kroger sitting at her desk in a cubicle area. Another woman is working nearby. Ms. Kroger is looking at some paperwork on her desk. She reaches over to pick up a coffee mug, takes a sip, puts the mug down next to her right hand. Takes a pen from a container and makes a note on the papers, reaches for the coffee mug again. But the mug is gone. MS. KROGER: (confused) What - Where's my... She turns to find the mug sitting on the desk by her left hand. She gives a nervous laugh. The coworker turns to look at her. MS. KROGER: (joking) Losing my mind. She picks up the mug, takes a sip, puts it down on her right again. Turns to the left to pick up some more papers. Turns back and the mug is gone again. She gives a frustrated sigh. MS. KROGER: (annoyed) Okay, who's the- She turns and finds the mug sitting on top of her computer monitor. As she reaches for it, it floats up into the air and dances around a little. INVISIBLE BUFFY: (softly) Kill, kill, kill! MS. KROGER: What? The coworker looks over in confusion. COWORKER: I didn't say anything. MS. KROGER: Not you! The mug, it's- The mug is gone again. She stops, looks around. The mug is back in its original spot on her right. MS. KROGER: But I ... I heard something. She pokes the mug nervously. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Kill, Doris. Kill everybody. Ms. Kroger looks shocked, pushes her chair back and stands up. INVISIBLE BUFFY: You know you want to. MS. KROGER: (yelling at the mug) Shut up, shut up, just shut up! She pauses, realizes she's shouting, looks around. Shots of several coworkers staring at her. Ms. Kroger looks confused, turns and walks away. Close shot on the file folders on her desk. They begin to move. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Okay ... no ... no... Invisible Buffy moves the files aside until she finds the one labeled 'Summers, Dawn.' INVISIBLE BUFFY: Yahtzee! The file opens. The camera moves over to the computer keyboard. The keys begin to move as Invisible Buffy types. Cut to Ms. Kroger coming out of the women's bathroom, holding a paper towel to the back of her neck. She starts to walk back toward her desk. BOSS: Uh, Doris! A man intercepts her. BOSS: I've, uh, got a few, so if you wanna discuss that case file now... MS. KROGER: What? Oh! Oh yes, the, um, Summers file, it's, uh, it's right over here. She goes to her desk, picks up a file and gives it to the boss. He begins looking through it. MS. KROGER: Uh, it's a fifteen-year-old girl, living under her older sister's guardianship. The house is a complete- BOSS: What is this? (reading) 'All work and no play make Doris a dull girl'? MS. KROGER: What? BOSS: 'All work and no play make Doris' - the pages are filled with it. Shot of the case file. All the papers have been replaced with pages filled with the one sentence 'All work and no play make Doris a dull girl" over and over. Ms. Kroger grabs the file back and looks at it in confusion, shaking her head. MS. KROGER: I ... I... She looks over at the printer. Shot of the printer still spitting out more pages of the same thing. MS. KROGER: I, I, I didn't do this, I ... The boss looks dubiously at her. She leans closer to him. MS. KROGER: (softly) It was the voice. BOSS: Excuse me? MS. KROGER: There was a voice, before. It made my coffee dance. It told me to- (breaks off) BOSS: To ... what? MS. KROGER: (nervously) Nothing. BOSS: Doris ... take the rest of the day off. See your doctor. MS. KROGER: But what about my cases? BOSS: We'll, uh ... put someone else on them. And have them redo the Summers interview. Sound of whistling. The camera recedes away from them down the hall. MS. KROGER: I'm not crazy. I am not crazy! BOSS: Well, no one said that you were. The camera continues moving away as the whistling continues -- to the tune of Buffy's song "Alive" from episode "Once More With Feeling." The door at the end of the hall opens, then closes. Cut to Xander walking down the street. He passes the spa, enters the mouth of the alley, and finds Willow. She has a can of red spray paint and is spraying the Dumpster, making it visible again. XANDER: Hey Will. (she turns) Whatcha doin'? WILLOW: (defensive) Look, Xander, I - I figured out this was where Buffy disappeared from what you told me, so don't start jumping to any conclusions. XANDER: (holds up his hands) No jumping, look, feet firmly planted. (smiles) WILLOW: (embarrassed) I'm not feeling like myself right now, sorry. XANDER: Me too. Sorry. (she nods) So! What have we found out so far? WILLOW: Well, take a look at that! (points) We see a tire-mark on the ground. WILLOW: Something sped outta here pretty dann quick to, to make that kind of tread mark. XANDER: Well, this could have been made any time. WILLOW: Yeah, but this ... wasn't. Willow takes out a small vial from her pocket and holds it up. Xander takes it. XANDER: What is it? WILLOW: (walking away) Paint that I scraped off the fire hydrant. She stops at a different part of sidewalk. Xander follows her, studying the vial. XANDER: What fire hydrant? (clanking noise) Ow! Xander hops around on one foot, his other leg having been injured by walking into the invisible fire hydrant. WILLOW: That one. Willow lowers her voice and makes gestures from the alleyway to where they are now. WILLOW: Whatever hit this fire hydrant hit it after it was made invisible. And betcha by golly wow, that something was the same something that shot out of that alley. XANDER: (pondering) Black paint? Buffy's phantom van. (Willow nods) We gotta let Buffy - whoa! Xander takes a step backward and bumps into something. XANDER: There's something there. (pointing) Willow sprays her can of spray paint where he's pointing. A traffic cone slowly takes shape. WILLOW: I-it's a pylon, one of those orange traffic cones. (continues spraying) You should take it to the Magic Box. It might help you and Anya figure out what kind of spell was used. XANDER: What about you? WILLOW: (stands up) Well, I got paint scrapings... (gives Xander the paint can and takes the vial from him) ...and a tire mark. I'm gonna find this van that's been stalking Buffy. (Xander nods) By the way, where is Buffy? Xander shrugs in confusion. Cut to Spike's crypt. Spike sits slouched in his chair, watching TV. WOMAN ON TV: (screaming) Oh my god, the blood! Look at all the blood! Spike looks down at his stomach, puts his hand on it, gets up. He walks over to a small refrigerator, opens it, takes out a jar of blood. Takes off the lid and lifts the jar to his mouth. Noise from the door. Spike pauses, looks over. The door to the crypt is open, swinging on its hinges. No one is visible there. Spike looks at it for a moment, puts his jar down and walks slowly toward the door, looking around. SPIKE: Whatever beastie you are, I know you're here. And I hurt beasties. Invisible Buffy's POV: moving past Spike from behind, looking down toward his butt and then onward. Spike jumps as if something had grabbed his butt. SPIKE: Hey, watch it. The noise of the TV suddenly stops as the TV switches off. Spike sighs in irritation. SPIKE: A ghost, is it? (looking around) Go and haunt the living, like a good spook. The camera moves slowly around him as he looks around, confused. Suddenly something grabs his shoulder. He tries to grab it and is spun around by his arm, slammed up against a wall. He gasps, tries to move forward but is shoved against the wall again. His shirt rips open. He looks down at his bare chest. Close on Spike's face as he frowns in confusion, then gives a little gasp of pleasure, continues frowning. SPIKE: (tentatively) Buffy? INVISIBLE BUFFY: I told you ... stop trying to see me. She pulls Spike away from the wall suddenly. Cut to the magic shop. Anya and Xander sit looking at books. The no-longer-invisible traffic cone sits on the table in front of them. ANYA: Oh, I got it! XANDER: Really? ANYA: Yeah, we'll put D'Hoffryn at your parents' table, and move your Uncle Rory to table five near the bar. XANDER: Ahn honey, we're looking for invisibility spells here. ANYA: Well, obviously I haven't found anything yet. At least nothing that would explain why things near Buffy become invisible. She reaches out to grab the traffic cone. It crumbles partly under her fingers. Anya makes a disgusted face. ANYA: Ew! Xander! She holds up her hand with traffic-cone residue on it. XANDER: What happened? ANYA: An unpleasant tactile experience, like putting my hand in pudding. Xander puts out his hand and crumbles another part of the cone. XANDER: Ew! ANYA: Like pudding, am I right? Rice, or tapioca, lumpy like that. XANDER: We have to find Buffy, she's gotta know. ANYA: (brushing off her hand) I don't think Buffy's gonna be too broken up over a pylon. XANDER: Anya, whatever's happening to the pylon will probably happen to her. If we don't find Buffy, I-I mean ... if we don't figure out how this was done... ANYA: She's pudding? They stare at each other. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the Geeks' lair. Warren is still working on the invisibility ray. JONATHAN: What do you mean she's gonna fade away? WARREN: The Slayer got slammed with a big-ass dose of radiation when the gun overloaded. Her cells are mutating at an accelerated rate. Eventually her molecular makeup will start losing its integrity and then ... pfft. (makes a "pfft" gesture) ANDREW: But, wouldn't that kill her? WARREN: Well, lemme think. (sarcastic) Yeah! JONATHAN: Wait a minute! We're not killing anybody. Especially not Buffy! WARREN: (sighs) You guys are so immature! (angrily) We're villains! When are you gonna get that through your thick skulls? JONATHAN: We're not killers, we're crime lords! ANDREW: Yeah! Like, like Lex Luthor. (gesturing with a comic book) He's always trying to take over Metropolis, but he doesn't kill Superman! WARREN: Because it's Superman's book, you moron! ANDREW: But Lex doesn't kill him, does he?! Warren rolls his eyes in exasperation. Jonathan looks determined. JONATHAN: Listen, Warren ... (points forcefully at the gun) you get that ray working and the first thing we're gonna do is find Buffy and re-visible her before it's too late! Warren stands up and towers over Jonathan, both staring each other down. JONATHAN: You got me?! WARREN: Fine. Warren glances at Andrew, sits back down with a small smirk. WARREN: Whatever you guys say. Warren picks up his tools and goes back to work. Andrew and Jonathan nod at each other. Cut to Spike's crypt. It's dark. Xander pushes the door open and enters. XANDER: Spike? Pan around the room. It's in disarray, various pieces of furniture lying overturned on the floor, etc. Xander looks around. Cut to the underground room. It's better lit with candles and a lamp. Xander enters. Sounds of heavy breathing, moaning. Pan across to the bed (Xander's POV). We see Spike on the bed half-covered with a sheet, moving around on top of what looks like empty air. XANDER: Spike? Spike turns his head in alarm to look at Xander. XANDER: What are you doing? SPIKE: What am I ... What does it look like I'm doing, you nit? I'm exercising, aren't I? Spike turns back to the bed and does a couple of what might look like push-ups if you didn't know better. We hear a small yelp from Invisible Buffy. XANDER: Exercising. (comes closer) Naked. In bed. Spike stops moving, stands up on the bed and wraps the sheet around his waist. SPIKE: A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let himself go. Gotta keep fit for the killing. (sits on the edge of the bed) XANDER: (skeptical) Yuh-huh. Looks like you had a little trouble upstairs. (gestures with his head) Mini-disaster area. SPIKE: So what, you just come here to criticize my housekeeping? XANDER: No, uh, no. I'm looking for Buf- SPIKE: (quickly) Haven't seen her. XANDER: Well, uh, you wouldn't. The fact is, she's come down with a slight case of invisibility. SPIKE: (fake surprise) Yeah? How did, uh... Soft murmuring and kissing noises. XANDER: We don't know yet. Noises continue. Spike's ear wiggles. He jumps. XANDER: Anyway, she's not at the house, and I really, really need to find her. SPIKE: (fidgeting) Uh, tell you what, I'll ... take a peek around first chance I get... (makes swatting noises next to his head) and if we bump into each other, I'll clue her that you're on the lookout. (trying not to laugh) XANDER: (uncertain) After your ... (gestures) exercises. SPIKE: (more swatting) Yeah, right. Xander looks confused, but he turns to go. Then turns back. XANDER: You know, kidding aside, Spike ... you really should get a girlfriend. He leaves. Spike sighs, looks over his shoulder. SPIKE: That was bloody stupid. INVISIBLE BUFFY: What's the matter? Ashamed to be seen with me? Spike gets up, tossing the sheet aside. It falls on top of Buffy, showing us the outline of her legs and hips. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Come on. He had no idea I was here. This is perfect. Spike goes to a side table, takes out a glass, bangs it down on the table. SPIKE: Perfect for you. (begins filling the glass from a bottle) INVISIBLE BUFFY: Well, picture me confused. (Spike shaking his head) I thought this was what you wanted. SPIKE: (annoyed sigh) What I want... He stares to the side for a moment, then looks over at the bed again. SPIKE: This vanishing act's right liberating for you, innit? Go anywhere you want. Do anything you want. (walks along the bed, holding the glass) Or anyone. INVISIBLE BUFFY: What are you talking ab- SPIKE: The only reason you're here, is that you're not here. (drinking) INVISIBLE BUFFY: Right. Of course, as usual there's something wrong with Buffy. She came back all wrong. (moving around on the bed) You know, I didn't ask for this to happen to me. SPIKE: Not too put off by it though, are you? (drinking) INVISIBLE BUFFY: No! Maybe because for the first time since ... I'm free. She tosses the sheet aside. Spike looks around, trying to figure out where she's going. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Free of rules and reports ... free of this life. SPIKE: Free of life? Got another name for that. Dead. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Why do you always have to ... (pouty) I thought we were having fun. Invisible Buffy comes up to Spike and he grabs her by the shoulders, holds her away from him. SPIKE: Yeah, now! But sooner or later your chums are gonna work out a way to bring you back to living color. (lets her go) You need to go. Get dressed if you can find your clothes, and push off. 'Cause if I can't have all of you, I'd rather- Spike breaks off, looks down toward his waist. SPIKE: Okay, that's cheating. Cut to the coffee shop. Willow sits at a computer terminal drinking from a water bottle. She puts the bottle down and begins typing. Shot of the computer screen, showing a web site labeled "Department of Motor Vehicles." A dialog box pops up saying "Warning, encrypted information!" with a status bar and a blinking "Searching." It fills up slowly. Willow fidgets, waiting. Shot of the status bar moving along. Shot of Willow tapping her fingers on the desk. She looks around, lifts one hand to touch the screen. Close shot of her eyes. Close shot of the screen. The search is almost finished. Willow pulls her hand back. The dialog box goes away, replaced with a screen labeled "Database, for Departmental Use Only." A list of names and addresses fills the screen. Willow looks relieved, picks up a notebook and pen, begins to copy information from the screen. Cut to close shot of an empty soda can lying on the street. It suddenly goes skittering down the street as if kicked. INVISIBLE BUFFY: I don't believe this. Wider shot of the street (residential area) with the can moving down it. Sound of Buffy's footsteps. The camera follows her (and the can) along the street. INVISIBLE BUFFY: He threw me out? He threw me. Did I, like, fall into some ... backward dimension here? Is this Bizarro World? (kicks the can again) And after he's always going on and on about being the only one that understands me. 'We're alike, you and me. Birds of a bloody feather.' Uh! He's so ... (annoyed sigh) Three people go by, talking. They pass the soda can. Suddenly two of them jerk apart as if something had shoved them. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Hey, I'm walking here! The people stare in confusion, then continue walking. Close shot of the soda can. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Insensitive! (kicks the can) That's what he is. Cut to exterior shot of the Summers house. Sound of Buffy's footsteps continues. It's dark (nighttime) and the house is lit up. Cut to the kitchen. The back door opens, closes. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Willow? Willow! (walks further into the kitchen) Dawn? Hey, Dawn, come here. You wanna see something neat? No reply. Invisible Buffy sighs. The camera pans over to the refrigerator. It opens, revealing various food items including a pizza box. The back door opens again and Dawn comes in, moving slowly and quietly. She looks around, sees that the kitchen appears empty. She closes the door very carefully, begins tiptoeing toward the hall. INVISIBLE BUFFY: There you are! Dawn jumps, looks over at the open fridge, looks all around. DAWN: Buffy? W-where are you? INVISIBLE BUFFY: I'm invisible. Check this out. The pizza box floats out of the fridge and swoops around in the air. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Wooo, wooo! Unidentified flying pizza, comin' in for a landing. Dawn stares in shock as the pizza comes to sit on the island and the box opens. DAWN: W-what are you talking- INVISIBLE BUFFY: Okay, not the most clever ad lib, but come on! Points for spontaneity. DAWN: (upset) Stop it! Just ... stop. (moving closer to the island) INVISIBLE BUFFY: Sorry Dawn. I'm, I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to freak you out. DAWN: Well, what did you think would happen? You're freaking invisible, Buffy. INVISIBLE BUFFY: I know. Xander and Anya are working on it. Muldering out what happened. (moving around toward the stove) DAWN: Well, what about you? Shouldn't you be working on it? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Of course I- DAWN: Do you even care about, about who did this to you, or, or if you're gonna be stuck this way? You're making jokes and flying pizzas. INVISIBLE BUFFY: I don't think that's- DAWN: (upset) I can't talk to you like this. I can't see you! How can I talk to you if I can't see you? Dawn brushes past Invisible Buffy and runs down the hall to the stairs. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Dawn! Dawn! Invisible Buffy's POV turns from Dawn to the kitchen counter and notices that the answering machine is blinking. Zoom in on it. It flashes the number 01. Invisible Buffy pushes the button and the machine begins to rewind. XANDER: (on machine) Buffy, it's Xander. Where are you? Listen ... we got a new problem here. ANYA: (on machine) Tell her! XANDER: (on machine) I'm trying to. Anya and I think whatever made you invisible is slowly killing you. ANYA: (on machine) Tell her about the pudding! XANDER: (on machine) Anya! Buff, if we don't ... if this isn't reversed, you're gonna ... well, dissolve, or ... fade ... into nothing. The machine beeps and turns off. Pan over to the empty air where Invisible Buffy is standing. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Wow. Cut to a dark residential street. Willow walks along, pauses, looks at a house and then at a piece of paper in her hand. We see the Geek Trio's van in a driveway, partially covered by a tarp. Willow looks around, walks toward the van. She goes up to it, looks around again, walks between the van and the house. Cut to the Geeks' lair. Willow opens the bulkhead door and peeks down the stairs. She goes slowly down the stairs and into the basement lair. She walks around, looking around. She spots a bulletin board with a large piece of paper tacked up. It's a blueprint or schematic of the invisibility ray, conveniently labeled with the words "Invisibility Ray!" at the top. Willow walks over to it, studies the diagram. She smiles, looks at the table next to her, which has more blueprints on it. Turns and walks across to the workbench, where the invisibility ray is still sitting. Willow takes a swivel-lamp and moves it over to shed more light on the invisibility ray. She lifts her hand as if to touch it. WARREN: (OS) Now! Willow turns in surprise. Reveal a roll of silver duct-tape floating in the air a few feet away. Suddenly Willow's arms rise up as if they had been grabbed by invisible hands. She struggles. WILLOW: Hey! Let go of me! A piece of duct tape unrolls itself from the roll and rips free. It floats toward Willow. INVISIBLE WARREN: Congratulations. You're our first hostage. The duct tape moves toward Willow's mouth as she continues struggling. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the Summers house, foyer. The front door opens itself. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Dawn, I'm going out to find Xander. If he calls me- The phone begins to ring. The door closes. Invisible Buffy moves into the living room, picks up the phone. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Xander? JONATHAN: (on phone) Don't talk. Just listen, Slayer. You don't have a lot of time. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Who is this? You sound familiar. JONATHAN: (disguising his voice) I'm ... nobody. No one you know. We've got your friend Willow, and if you don't want anything nasty to happen to her, you better meet us. Alone. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Where? Cut to a video-game arcade. Various kids playing various games, lots of noise. Pan over to reveal a guy taking tickets by a turnstile. The turnstile turns on its own, and he looks confused. The camera follows the invisible person into the arcade. A few kids get shoved aside and go "Hey!" We move further into the arcade and discover Willow standing by a pinball machine, looking nervous. INVISIBLE WARREN: Just stay still, and you won't get hurt. INVISIBLE BUFFY: You okay, Will? WILLOW: Buffy? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Where are the bad guys? INVISIBLE WARREN: All around you, Slayer, so don't try anything. WILLOW: He's bluffing, Buffy, there, there's just three of them, I think. INVISIBLE WARREN: More than enough to cause some serious carnage, right guys? ... Guys? Guys! Shot of a video game with the joysticks moving on their own. INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Kick! Use the kick! INVISIBLE ANDREW: I tried that, he keeps blocking it with his drunken monkey fist! INVISIBLE BUFFY: Ooh, scary video carnage. INVISIBLE WARREN: Hey! Slayer's here. INVISIBLE ANDREW: Sorry, didn't see her. The camera follows Invisible Andrew and Jonathan as they abandon their game to rejoin the group. INVISIBLE WARREN: Why don't we continue this in a less crowded area, like, over there. Willow looks confused. ALL: Where? INVISIBLE WARREN: Over ... follow me. We see the invisibility ray floating in the air where Invisible Warren is. He grabs Willow's arm with his other invisible hand and pulls her away. She grimaces. WILLOW: Ow! They move over to a quieter corner next to an air-hockey game. Willow starts as someone grabs her other arm. INVISIBLE BUFFY: I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you guys are the ones who did this to me? INVISIBLE JONATHAN: It was an accident! INVISIBLE BUFFY: Who's that? INVISIBLE JONATHAN: (disguised voice) Nobody you know. WILLOW: They're the ones from your mystery van. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Oh. You. So what annoying thing are you gonna do to me now? INVISIBLE WARREN: Save your life, make you visible. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Right. I'm supposed to believe that? WILLOW: They told me everything, Buffy. Something's happening to you that, you're- INVISIBLE BUFFY: Fading away. I know. INVISIBLE WARREN: I can fix that. The invisibility ray lifts up and begins its preparatory whirring. INVISIBLE WARREN: Pick up that air hockey mallet on the table. INVISIBLE BUFFY: What for? INVISIBLE WARREN: It'll give me a target to aim at. (Willow looking at the invisibility ray) The air-hockey mallet floats up into the air. The whirring continues. INVISIBLE WARREN: Okay, now hold still, and all your troubles will soon be gone. WILLOW: You're on the wrong setting! INVISIBLE WARREN: What? WILLOW: The gun, it's not set for reversing the particle ionization. It'll accelerate her molecular dissolution, I saw the plans! INVISIBLE WARREN: Mind your own business. INVISIBLE JONATHAN: What's she talking about? INVISIBLE BUFFY: That's what I'd like to know. WILLOW: Buffy, he's trying to kill you! The invisibility ray gun hits Willow in the face. She falls down. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Willow! The air-hockey mallet flies through the air and hits Invisible Warren. INVISIBLE WARREN: Ow! The invisibility ray falls to the floor. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Okay, play time's over. INVISIBLE WARREN: You haven't won yet, Slayer. INVISIBLE BUFFY: No, that part comes after I beat the snot out of you. Throughout the whole exchange, the camera moves around as if following the various characters but really all we see is empty air. INVISIBLE WARREN: You'll have to find me first! There's three of us, against just one of you. INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Hey, you lied to us! INVISIBLE ANDREW: Fight her yourself! INVISIBLE WARREN: (angrily) Think she cares about that? I go down, we all go down! INVISIBLE BUFFY: And I promise, you're all going down. INVISIBLE WARREN: We may not have your powers, Slayer, but you'll find that we are not so easy to- (another air-hockey mallet hits him) Ow! Get her! Fighting noises begin -- punches, grunts, etc. The camera swings around crazily as if following the action. Kids in the arcade look over in confusion at the noises. Shot of Willow still lying on the floor, sitting up with a pained expression. INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Wait a minute, wait a minute! Who's biting my leg? INVISIBLE ANDREW: Sorry! Where is she? INVISIBLE BUFFY: Here. Fight noises continue. A pinball machine shatters as if an invisible person had been thrown onto it. Kids scream and begin to run for the exit. Willow notices the invisibility ray under another pinball machine. She crawls over to get it. INVISIBLE WARREN: She can't find us if we split up. Willow picks up the ray gun and fiddles with it. INVISIBLE WARREN: You go that way. INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Which way? INVISIBLE WARREN: That way! Over- Punch noise. An invisible person goes flying into a room-sized container of plastic balls. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Just keep talking, boys. Willow gets to her feet, fiddling with the invisibility ray. Punching noises continue. INVISIBLE JONATHAN: Ow! Watch the chest hair! INVISIBLE BUFFY: I know that voice. You-you're- Willow aims the ray at the voices and fires. Buffy and Jonathan become visible. Buffy is holding Jonathan up by the front of his shirt. BUFFY: Jonathan?! She lets him go and he falls to the floor. BUFFY: You have chest hair? Willow fires at the plastic-ball-room. Warren appears. BUFFY: Warren? Warren glares. Willow fires at the smashed pinball machine. Andrew appears. BUFFY: (frowns) Who are you? ANDREW: Andrew. Buffy shrugs and shakes her head to show her lack of recognition. ANDREW: I summoned the flying monkeys that attacked the high school? Willow and Buffy exchange a confused look. Warren climbs out of the plastic balls. Jonathan gets up and helps Andrew down from the pinball machine. ANDREW: During the school play, you know? WARREN: It's Tucker's brother. JONATHAN: Yeah, it's Tucker's brother. BUFFY/WILLOW: Ohh. The Geek Trio stands side-by-side. Willow moves over to stand beside Buffy. BUFFY: So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass? WARREN: (walking sideways with the other two following him) We're your arch-nemesises ... ses. (Buffy and Willow looking confused) You may have beaten us this time, Slayer, but next time ... um ... uh, next time... JONATHAN: Maybe not! Jonathan throws something down in front of the Trio. It bursts into smoke and sparks (see episode "Life Serial"). Behind cover of the smoke we can see (but Buffy and Willow can't) the Trio running off. Buffy and Willow cough, wave the smoke away. WARREN: (OS) What do you mean, it's locked? You were supposed to check it! ANDREW: (OS) I forgot! The smoke clears to reveal the Trio standing by the back door looking sheepish. BUFFY: I give you my arch nemesises...ses. (frowns) A security guard comes up behind Buffy and Willow. GUARD: What's going on in here? (Buffy and Willow turn to look at him) I got a bunch of scared kids saying this place is haunted! Sound of a door opening. Buffy turns back to see the back-door closing behind the escaping Trio. Buffy sighs and looks irritated. WILLOW: (surprised) Oh my god, Buffy! BUFFY: (pouting) I know, they're gone. I guess we should chase them. WILLOW: No, your hair! (smiles) It is adorable. Buffy looks surprised, puts up her hand to feel her hair, gives a rueful smile. Cut to Buffy and Willow exiting the arcade. Willow still carries the invisibility ray. BUFFY: Pretty neat, you finding the van. (they begin walking down the street) So ... how did you manage to ... do it exactly? I mean, to locate it? WILLOW: The hard way. The spell-free way. The oh-my-god-my-head's-gonna-fall-off, (grimaces, whines) my-feet-are-killing-me way. Willow sighs, makes a pained face, sits down on the edge of the curb. Buffy sits beside her. WILLOW: I don't know how I got through this day. BUFFY: Well, the important thing is that you did. It's a ... good first step. WILLOW: How are you doing, post-invisibleness? BUFFY: (shrugs) Okay. I still have to do some damage control from my giddy-fest. Dawn was pretty freaked out. (pauses) The whole taking-a-vacation-from-me thing didn't work out so well. WILLOW: (nods) Tell me about it. BUFFY: Except ... when I got Xander's message ... you know, that I was ... fading away ... I actually got scared. WILLOW: Well, yeah. Who wouldn't? BUFFY: Me. I wouldn't. Not too long ago I probably would have welcomed it. But I realized ... I'm not saying that I'm doing back-flips about my life, but... (nods) I didn't ... I don't ... wanna die. (looks hopefully at Willow) That's something, right? WILLOW: It's something. Longer shot of the two of them sitting there side-by-side on the curb, looking morose. WILLOW: So I guess we both made good first steps. BUFFY: I guess. WILLOW: Yay for us. BUFFY: Yay. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon.
doc_161	FLASH IN. [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] (Sirens wail in the distance.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS STREET - DAY] (A black Caprice zooms down the street. Two officer cars are pursuing it, their sirens blaring.) (The black car crosses an intersection, nearly hitting a white car crossing it at the same time. The white car's horn blares.) (The black car turns the corner. The officer cars continue their pursuit, sirens blaring. The intermittent sounds of automatic guns firing are heard during the chase.) (In one of the cars, Brass is driving; Sofia sits in the passenger seat.) Sofia Curtis: These guys are hard core. Who are they? (The car chase continues.) (In the second car are two officers. The older officer, Sergeant Adams, is driving; the younger officer in the passenger seat is Officer Bell.) Officer Adams: Tell Control these guys have automatic weapons! Probably A-Ks! (Officer Bell doesn't respond. He's just amazed by the car chase.) Officer Adams: (shouts) You with me! (Officer Bell shakes himself out of it and makes the call. Gun shots are fired from the black car in front of them. The windshield from one of the cars smashes from the impact of the bullets.) Officer Bell: (to radio) Three-David-34, be advised subjects are firing automatic weapons, possibly AK-47s. (In the third car are Officer Davis and Sergeant Carroll.) Officer Davis: (to radio) All right, we're coming up on a T-intersection. Get ready. Sgt. Carroll: Three-boy-seven, pursuit approaching a t-intersection on Jefferson and Third. (Gunfire continues from the black car in front.) (Car 2's windshield is hit; glass shatters in the car.) Officer Bell: We're going to get killed! Officer Adams: Not if you do what you're supposed to do. (Gunfire continues.) (The black car hits the side and flips over.) (Car 2 stops. Both officers get out.) Officer Bell: (to radio) Three-David-34, suspect Caprice has T/C'd. Intersection Jefferson and Third. Officer Adams: When you get out, keep your head down. (The two officers open their doors and use it as shield as they prepare for more gunfire.) (The occupants of the black Caprice crawl out of the overturned car. They're both carrying handguns and open fire immediately.) (Behind them, a second officer car arrives. Officers Davis and Carroll immediately open their doors and use it as shields and return fire.) (The gunmen from the car crawl out and fire to get to cover behind the overturned Caprice.) (It's complete chaos as gunfire is fired from both sides. Bullets are everywhere - sides of cars, windows, tires - richoceting off metal bins.) (Brass and Sofia's car arrives. Sofia gets out of the car and starts firing.) (Gunfire continues between the cops and the gunmen.) (Brass gets out of his car and starts firing from behind the car door.) (A bullet hits one of the officer car's tires and flattens.) (A gunman in the blank tank top, Salvator "Stuckey" Rosario, stops to change cartridge.) (Gunfire continues.) (Salvator Rosario puts his gun aside. He intends to run for it.) Salvator Rosario: Guys! Go! Go! (Rosario uses the automatic weapon and fires at the officers.) (He tosses the rifle aside when he runs out of bullets.) Officer Adams: They're out of rifle ammo! (Rosario takes out a handgun. An officer sees him and shouts out a warning.) Officer: (o.s.) No! Get down! They've got more! (Rosario fires.) (Brass returns fire.) (We hear the pinging of bullets off metal.) (Officer Bell stands up to fire and is hit with a bullet square in his chest. He falls backward and hits the ground. We see he's bleeding from his neck) (Salvator Rosario stands up to run. Leandro Chavez follows. A shot is fired and he is shot in the thigh. He falls to the ground.) (Salvator Rosario takes off running up a resident's front drive.) Officer: They're running. I'm going left. You go right. Going to take these guys. You guys, move on up. (Brass moves forward to provide cover as Officer Adams checks on Officer Bell. The other officers scramble to chase after the running gunmen.) Officer: (to radio) Three-boy-seven in foot pursuit of two male Latinos. One east, one west on Third Street. Requesting backup. (Officers chase after the gunman. Salvator Rosario jumps over a wall.) (Officer Adams calls for assistance.) Officer Adams: Three- David-34, officer down. Requesting immediate backup and paramedics. (to Sofia) I'll take care of it. I'll stay with him. (Brass and Sofia both leave to help pursue the gunmen.) (Additional backup arrives.) (Sofia runs up to Leandro Chavez, who was shot. She stands over him, her gun on him. She kicks his gun out of his reach.) (A neighbor steps out into his yard and looks over at Brass.) Neighbor: Que paso? Brass: Nada. Haciente. Adentro, adentro. (A second officer approaches Sofia.) Sofia: Cuff him. (The officer takes out his handcuffs to cuff the man in the white tank. Sofia turns and starts running to help catch the other gunman.) Leandro Chavez: Dame una ambulancia, puey. Officer: I don't speak Spanish. (Sofia runs to help Officer Davis as they head to the west of the alley behind Third.) (Brass rushes alongside the building to the east of the alley behind Third, his gun in hand. He reaches the back of the building.) (He hears a noise and whirls around. He sees a woman open the door and step outside. He motions for her to get back inside.) Brass: (to the woman) Back inside, back inside. (In the distance, gunshots are fired. Brass makes his way toward the sound.) VARIOUS FLASHES OF: (Officer Davis and the gunman exchanging gunfire as the gunman tries to escape down the alley.) (Officer Davis runs out of bullets, his gun clicking.) (Salvator Rosario turns around and steps closer to the officer to fire. Sofia turns the corner and sees the gunman. She fires several shots, hitting the gunman in the shoulder.) (Salvator Rosario goes down.) (They both approach the gunman.) Sofia Curtis: You okay? Officer Davis: Yeah. You? Sofia Curtis: Yeah. (Officer Davis reaches the gunman first. He picks up the gun.) Sofia Curtis: What are you doing? Put it down. (He puts the gun back down on the ground.) Officer Davis: Yeah, sorry. I was just trying to secure his gun. Sofia Curtis: He's not going to use it anymore. (Meanwhile, the third gunman, Ricardo Estevez, is near the top of a fence when Officer Carroll turns the corner and stops him.) Officer Carroll: Stop! Police! Stop! Police! (Ricardo Estevez jumps back down to the ground, his hands raised high above his head.) Officer Carroll: Don't move! Don't move! (Officer Carroll hears a sound behind him and turns to look. Brass rounds the corner, his gun raised.) (Ricardo Estevez suddenly finds himself with a gun in his hands.) (Someone fires and hits Ricardo Estevez several times in the chest.) (Officer Carroll steps forward. Brass kicks the gun off to the side.) (Brass takes out his radio.) Sofia: (from radio) Brass, suspect's in custody. Brass: (to radio) Copy. Control, this is Brass. Situation here is code 4. We have three suspects in custody. One is on the run. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET (MAIN CRIME SCENE) -- JEFFERSON AND THIRD - DAY] (The ambulance pulls away. Grissom and Catherine approach the scene.) Catherine: You know it's going to be a long shift when you get the call to respond to a command post. Grissom: Yeah. (to phone) Warrick ... we need everyone from grave. But park on Wall Street. Jefferson's taped off all the way back to Lincoln. Vartann: The suspect was last seen running south. Officer: These buildings have been searched and cleared. Vartann: Okay, move south one block. Check each apartment. This guy's armed and dangerous. Cavaliere: You got a lot of witnesses claiming to have seen what happened. Vartann: Okay, good. Let's get some vans down here, bring them all to the station. (They walk over to Sofia and Brass leaning up against the SWAT van.) Catherine: What happened out here? Brass: I was one of the shooters. So was Sofia, so you know the deal. That's really all I'm allowed to say. (Brass notices Detective Nestor Ortega standing nearby.) Brass: I see, uh, Detective Ortega, that hard-head from IA, is handling the case. Just our luck. (Vartann joins them.) Vartann: Caprice full of shooters opened up on two of our guys. One's down. Grissom: Is Bell going to make it? Vartann: (shakes his head) He's DOA. Three suspects are dead. Fourth outstanding. Nestor Ortega: (interrupts) Excuse me ... guys, hang tight. I'm going to get some rides. Take you down to the station, okay? I want to get your statements. Brass: Yeah ... yeah. Nestor Ortega: Good, good. Excuse me. (Ortega leaves.) Catherine: (quietly to Grissom) I'll stay with them. I'll collect their firearms and ammo. Grissom: All right. (to Brass) Good luck. Brass: Thank you. (Grissom walks past Brass and Sofia. He walks past an officer standing nearby.) Officer: (under his breath) Hell of a day, man. Grissom: It's just beginning. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET -- DAY] (Detective Chris Cavaliere rushes down the street with the gun in his hand in pursuit of the final gunman. He turns the corner and sees the body on the street. The other officers rush forward.) Officer: GSW victim matches the suspect. Chris Cavaliere: You shoot him? Officer: No, sir. Found him this way. (Detective Cavaliere notices the bike strap still around the kid's ankle.) Chris Cavaliere: Bike strap ... this isn't our suspect. This is a kid on his way to school. Where's his bike? Officer: There was no bike. Chris Cavaliere: Put out a broadcast. Suspect may be on a bicycle. (to radio) We need medical transport. Code three ... [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET (MAIN CRIME SCENE) -- JEFFERSON AND THIRD - DAY] (Grissom hands out instructions.) Grissom: Okay, everybody around here has got a video camera or a cell phone camera. They'll all be taking pictures. Warrick: I think we all know how to operate in front of a camera. Nick: Don't be caught picking your nose. Grissom: Catherine's back at the station collecting the officers' guns. This is the main crime scene. So Nick, you and Sara take this. There's two additional crime scenes down the alleys behind Third. Warrick, you take the west alley, I'll take the east. Greg: And what do I get to do? Go back to the lab and wait for a phone call? Grissom: This is a running gun battle that started twenty blocks back. You get that. Greg: That's got to be, like, a mile? Who's with me? Sara: A bunch of pissed-off locals with shot-up cars. (Sara picks up her kit.) Greg: Awesome. Warrick: You'll be all right. (They all pick up their kits and head in the direction of their assignments.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THIRD (EAST) - DAY] (Grissom arrives at the alley and puts his kit down. David Phillips is already there with the body. The coroner and an officer stand nearby.) (Grissom puts evidence marker #12 down next to the bullet casing and snaps a photo.) David Phillips: Grissom? (Grissom picks up his kit and moves to the next casing.) David Phillips: Heard anything about Bell? Grissom: He died, David. (Grissom puts his kit down and puts evidence marker #13 next to the gun.) Grissom: (to the officer) Is this gun in its original position? Officer: The arresting officers kicked it clear of the suspect. (Quick flashback to: Ricardo Estevez and standing in front of the fence is holding a gun in his hand. He's shot several times and drops the gun. Brass kicks the gun aside.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Officer: Nobody's touched it since I've been here. (Grissom snaps a couple of photos.) David Phillips: Well, there's no bullet holes in the back. That's always good. Grissom: How many times was he hit? David Phillips: I don't know. Officer, can you remove these handcuffs? Officer: Sure. (The officer steps forward to remove the handcuffs. Grissom picks up the gun and looks at it. He removes the gun's cartridge.) Officer: (to David Phillips) You have anything I can wipe these off with? David Phillips: Yeah. (David hands the officer something.) Officer: Thanks. (The officer stands up and walks over to the side. Grissom gets up and walks over to David Phillips, who is rolling the body over.) David Phillips: Looks like three went in. Grissom: All right, leave him here, David. Warrick's DB's in the other alley just over there. (Grissom looks up and sees a couple of people peering through their second floor window from a building nearby.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Sofia sits in the hallway chair, nervously wringing her hands together. Brass enters at the end of the hallway and sees her. He walks over to her.) (Undersheriff McKeen intercepts Brass.) Undersheriff McKeen: You did a hell of good job out there. Brass: Yeah, not good enough. Has Bell's wife been notified? Undersheriff McKeen: The sheriff's on his way to the house now. Brass: You know, she's pregnant with their third kid. Undersheriff McKeen: We all know the risks. (Undersheriff McKeen leaves. Brass walks over to Sofia.) Brass: Hey ... (He sits down next to her and sighs.) Brass: (softly) I remember my first shooting ... Sofia Curtis: (interrupts) I appreciate the sentiment. We're not supposed to talk to each other till we give our statements. Brass: You're right, you're right. (An officer walking down the hall points to Brass.) Officer: You're up. Curtis, make yourself comfortable. Brass: Okay. (Brass stands up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Detective Ortega turns the tape recorder on and puts it in the middle of the table. Catherine is in the room as they interview Brass.) Nestor Ortega: This is Detective Nestor Ortega. I am in PD interrogation taking a statement from Captain James Brass regarding the officer-involved shooting that occurred around 0643 hours this morning. CSI Catherine Willows is present to document and collect Captain Brass's firearm as evidence. (Brass puts his gun on the table. Detective Ortega pushes the tape recorder forward.) Nestor Ortega: Ready? Brass: Yeah. Nestor Ortega: You're not a patrol unit. Why did you get involved in the pursuit? Brass: Detective Curtis and I were just closing a robbery case and, uh, we stopped for a bite to eat. (Quick flashback to: [HOT DOG VENDOR - DAY] Sofia and Brass are getting their hot dogs when they hear the dispatch on the radio.) Dispatcher: ... All units in the vicinity. Three- David-34 is in pursuit of a dark Chevy Caprice southbound of Paradise toward Desert Springs. (Brass looks around.) Brass: That's right near here. (They run to their car and get in.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: We joined the pursuit on Desert Springs. Nestor Ortega: So you elected to back up the officers. Brass: Yes. Nestor Ortega: Were the suspects shooting at the time? Brass: Yes. Catherine: Could you tell the types of firearms they were using? (Quick flashback to: [THE CAR CHASE] Gunfire erupts from the dark Caprice in front of them. End of flashback.) Brass: Well, the two guys in the back had rifles, maybe AK's. The other two had handguns. I'm not sure what type. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] (A news helicopter flies overhead.) Reporter: (V.O.) We're flying over Third Street where just this morning police were involved in a deadly shootout. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET (MAIN CRIME SCENE) -- JEFFERSON AND THIRD - DAY] (Sara and Nick are putting plastic rods in the bullet holes of one of the police cars, C9538.) Nick: Looks like a porcupine. Sara: There's not enough room between rods for a human being to fit. Nick: No, Bell and Adams must have really been swerving and weaving. (Quick flashback of: [THE CAR CHASE] The officer car is weaving left to right as it chases the dark Caprice. End of flashback.) Sara: Seventy-eight bullet holes. (She looks down at the bloodstain on the road.) Sara: And Bell wasn't hit until he was outside the car. Nick: I heard Bell was a rookie, barely off training. It was just his time, I guess, huh? (Nearby, the coroner walks past Vartann.) Coroner: Suspect will be getting a ride with the coroner. Vartann: A little street justice. Civilians okay? Coroner: Some old lady's going to need stitches. The kid on the bike's critical in surgery. (The coroner leaves. Vartann looks at Sara and Nick.) Vartann: You guys okay here? Nick: I'll call and have the suspect's vehicle towed to CSI. Sara: I'm going to start digging bullets out of people's houses. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Brass continues.) Brass: I was just reloading and continuing firing. I don't know what hit him. (Quick flashback to: [SHOOTOUT] Brass is firing. He shoots and hits Leandro Chavez in the thigh. Leandro Chavez goes down, his gun on the ground. End of flashback.) Brass: Bullets were flying. There were multiple rounds. It was chaos. Nestor Ortega: At what point did Carroll and Davis go in foot pursuit after the two suspects? Brass: After the driver went down, the other suspect, I guess he felt it was getting too hot back there. (Quick flashback to: Salvator Rosario yells for the others to go. End of flashback.) Catherine: And they were shooting the entire time? Brass: Oh, yeah. I mean, it was like, you know, those movie guns; they never run out of bullets. Nestor Ortega: I don't go to the movies. Brass: Oh. Nestor Ortega: What happened next? Brass: The next thing I remember ... the next thing I remember is Bell. Bell went down. (Quick flashback to: Officer Bell is hit in the neck and falls backward. He hits the ground. End of flashback.) Brass: He was ... he was just a kid. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] (A news helicopter flies overhead.) [EXT. STREET (MAIN CRIME SCENE) -- JEFFERSON AND THIRD - DAY] (A loud crowd of neighborhood residents shout angrily from the crime scene tape.) Man In Crowd: (shouts) (in Spanish) (Nick turns around.) Nick: Are they saying what I think they're saying? (He repeats the phrase to Detective Cavaliere in Spanish.) Chris Cavaliere: Yeah. They claim this other cop shoots the suspect in the back. And not to mention there's a news leak in the hospital. Man: See! Another one got killed! Where's ... Chris Cavaliere: Hey! Let us do your job here, okay? Woman: Mi hija vio a sus policias disparle a un nino en la espalda. Nick: Senora, donde esta su hija, huh? Queremos hablar con ella. Woman: La policia se la llevo. Nick: Usted vio algo de lo que paso? No? (to Cavaliere) Nobody saw anything. (looking at the automatic weapon he's holding) I don't think this is police issue. Chris Cavaliere: Look, these folks were suspicious of the cops long before this happened. Now this is how your circle stories get started. (Nick checks the automatic weapon.) Nick: The story keeps changing till you don't know what the truth is or whose story it was to begin with. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Brass continues.) Brass: So, uh, so the suspects saw that we were kind of distracted helping Bell, and they took the opportunity. I went on foot pursuit, you know. They, uh ... I can't run as fast as I used to, I mean, so I lost them. But that's when I heard the two shots. I think ... No, I heard shots coming from ... the east. Nestor Garcia: How many? Brass: Three. (Quick flashback to: Brass is in the alley. He hears four gunshots, turns and heads in that direction.) Officer: (o.s.) Get down! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: Four. And they sound a lot louder than a nine-millimeter. (Quick flashback to: [EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THIRD (EAST) - DAY] Brass enters the alley. Officer Carroll has his back to the suspect, Ricardo Estevez, who suddenly has a gun in his hands. Four shots ring out. End of flashback.) Catherine: The suspect had a gun in his hand. Brass: Oh, yeah, definitely. I kicked it away when I cuffed him. Catherine: Did you fire any shots in the alley? Brass: I didn't have to. Nestor Ortega: Captain, hand over your firearm to CSI Willows. (Brass takes the gun out of his holster and gives it to Catherine. She checks the gun.) Catherine: Any magazines? (Brass looks at his empty holster.) Brass: Uh ... I must have used them.. (One bullet pops out of the chamber.) Catherine: Captain Brass's service pistol was received with an empty magazine and one live round in the chamber. Brass: Well ... Nestor Ortega: It'd be smart to have ammo before you go running into a gunfight. (Brass shakes his head and wisely stays quiet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THIRD (EAST) - DAY] (Grissom holds up the bagged gun and shows it to Vartann.) Grissom: I didn't find any cartridge casings in this alley from the dead guy's gun. Just these three nine-millimeters from our cop. (Quick flashback to: Officer Carroll fires three times. Ricardo Estevez is hit and falls back against the wire mesh fence. End of flashback.) Vartann: So he must have been out of ammo. Grissom: Yeah, but he had to know that he'd get shot holding a gun whether it was loaded or not. Why didn't he just toss it? Vartann: Maybe he didn't know he was out. Heat of the battle. I mean, we're not talking rocket scientists. Grissom: That doesn't make him suicidal, though, does it? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY / FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (David Phillips and Robbins push the gurney with the dead body into the forensic autopsy room. Robbins looks up and sees Sergeant Adams walking toward them.) Robbins: Sergeant Adams, I'm sorry for your loss. If you'd like a few minutes to say good-bye ... (Sergeant Adams walks past Robbins and goes into the forensic autopsy room. David Phillips walks out.) (Adams stops in front of the table with the body on it. He looks up at David Phillips and Robbins. They leave him and walk out of view.) Sgt. Adams: Okay, partner ... I guess I was pretty rough on you. Maybe not rough enough. You're the best rookie I ever trained. I have to leave you now. I'll, uh, I'll talk to Tracy. Try to make her understand. Drop in on the kids. You were a good cop. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY OUTSIDE CCU] (Chris Cavaliere and Undersheriff McKeen stand outside the windows in the hallway looking in on the teenager inside.) Chris Cavaliere: Geraldo Zamesca. High school football star. Full scholarship to USC. Got a bullet lodged in his spine. Condition's critical. Undersheriff McKeen: Can we get the bullet? Chris Cavaliere: Not unless his condition improves or he dies. SWAT guys going house-to-house breaking down doors. They're the ones who found him. They were going to blame us for this, too. Undersheriff McKeen: CSI's processed the scene? Chris Cavaliere: Not much to process. Some blood stains off the ground nine-millimeter cartridge case. Undersheriff McKeen: Cops are shooting nines. Guilty until proven innocent. (Off to the side, we hear Geraldo's parents.) Danilo Zamesca: (to the doctor) This is my wife, Geraldo's mother. We want nothing but the best for our son. That means we will decide if you go in and get the bullet, not the police. (Danilo Zamesca looks at McKeen and Cavaliere.) Danilo Zamesca: You got that? (The Zamescas enter the room. McKeen glances back at Cavaliere.) Undersheriff McKeen: Kid's family? Chris Cavaliere: (nods) Yeah. Danilo Zamesca, a local business man that lives in the 'hood, but dines uptown. (McKeen closes his eyes and shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD BUILDING (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. TORRES' APARTMENT -- DAY] (Sara is inside a second floor apartment of a building near the shooting. She snaps some photos of the window.) (Mrs. Torres is upset. She has her two young children - a boy and April -- in front of her.) Mrs. Torres: Perro porque la policia le disparo aqui nuestra casa? Nosotros no hicimos nada. Porque la policia nos disparo? Sara: I-I'm sorry. I don't speak Spanish. (Sara walks past her as she tries to work.) Mrs. Torres: Que... no entiende, que ... nos hubiera matado. Die algo para que ella entienda. April Torres: She wants to know why our house got shot at. (Sara turns around and looks at April.) Sara: I don't have the answer to that. I'm sorry. Mrs. Torres: Que? Es que usted no me puede decir nada? No vio lo que hicieron? Que si fueran mis hijos? Que voy hacer sin mis hijos? (She kneels down in front of her children, scared for them, and she cries. April turns and looks at Sara.) (Sara finds something embedded in the wax candle on the shelf.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB -- DAY] (Hodges scrapes the side of the gun handle and puts it in a bindle as Bobby Dawson watches.) Bobby Dawson: So, what do you think that is? Hodges: Well, it's not blood, it's not rust. Bobby Dawson: Where did Grissom find that? Hodges: In an alley off Third. Bobby Dawson: 'Cause see, those scrapes and gauges look like road rash. Like when you toss a gun out of a moving car. (Quick flash of: As a car passes by, tires screeching, a gun is tossed out of the moving car's window. End of flash.) Hodges: You'd be the one to know about rashes. (Hodges turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Nick dusts the car passenger door for prints.) (Dissolve to: Nick dusts the glove compartment for prints.) (Dissolve to: Nick dusts the dashboard for prints. He finds some prints on the dashboard.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THIRD (WEST) - DAY] (The coroner and David Phillips wheel out a body on the gurney. As they head for the coroner's van, a woman and a man scream loudly from the crime scene tape.) "STUCKEY" ROSARIO'S BROTHER: That's my brother, man! What'd he do?! Mrs. Rosario: My baby! (Mrs. Rosario ducks under the tape and runs toward the gurney. Warrick is standing at the back of the open SUV when he hears the woman. He turns around.) Mrs. Rosario: (distraught) My baby! You killed my son! My baby! You cops murdered my son! Warrick: Miss ... Mrs. Rosario: You murdered my son! Warrick: Calm down, okay? I'm sorry for your loss. I'm with the Crime Lab. Talk to one of the detectives. Miss ... (Mrs. Rosario starts hitting Warrick.) Mrs. Rosario: I don't need to! (Warrick grabs the woman's hands to stop her. She turns around and shouts to the crowd behind the tape.) Mrs. Rosario: Look, police brutality! He's hitting me! (Her son, standing behind the tape, ducks under the tape and runs toward them.) Warrick: Can I get some backup here, please? (Mrs. Rosario continues screaming.) ("Stuckey's" brother reaches Warrick and punches him in the face. The officers rush to assist and grab the man.) Officer: You're under arrest. (The officers grab Mrs. Rorasio and her son and move them back toward the tape. The woman glares at Warrick.) Mrs. Rosario: Now you want my other son, huh? Is that what you want? Warrick: I just want to do my job here. Mrs. Rosario: What, lie for the Police Department? (Warrick checks his jaw.) Warrick: (to the officer) Can we lock this place up and move that crime tape down another block? Officer: (to radio) Officer Mitchell, come into the west alley. Bring two uniforms with you. Voice: (from radio) That's affirmative. Officer: (to Warrick) These people think if they catch us doing something wrong, they sue and win the lottery. Warrick: Yeah. We don't do anything wrong, we got nothing to worry about. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [TV MONITOR] (On the television monitor, Danilo Zamesca gives a press conference.) Danilo Zamesca: (from tv) My son should be in school today. He should be playing football. INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (The press conference is taking place out on a street corner outside a building.) Danilo Zamesca: Instead, he's lying in a hospital bed. Why? Because the cops decided to shoot first and ask questions later. [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (David Phillips takes fingerprints off one of the gunmen.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) Anybody remember the last time the police had a running gun battle down the strip? No? That's 'cause it's never happened. [EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Danilo Zamesca: Summerlin? Never. Seven Hills? No way. But down here, hey ... [INT. HOSPITAL GERALDO'S ROOM - DAY] (Mrs. Zamesca cries as she sits next to Geraldo's bed.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) My son, Geraldo, was a good boy. He was a great football player. Fearless out there. He had a chance to do something with his life. [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB - DAY] (Nick runs the prints found in the car through the database.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) To be better than his father. And now ... [EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Danilo Zamesca: I may outlive my son. Because the police shot him before he could tell them who he was. [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (David Phillips snaps photos of the gunmen on the tables.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) Before he could tell them he was an honor student. I want to invite everybody here ... [EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Danilo Zamesca: ... who cares about what happens in the community to come to Queen of Angels tonight, 6:00 P.M., ... [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB - DAY] (The computer beeps. Nick finds a match to the print in the car.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) ... to pray for Geraldo's life. (The information on the computer shows: NAME: JOSE FAUSTO DOB: SEPTEMBER 28, 1974 AGE: 31 HEIGHT: 5'10" WEIGHT: 150 LBS EYES: BROWN RACE: HISPANIC s*x: MALE HAIR: BROWN WORK HISTORY: DRIVER'S LICENSE #: CRIMINAL HISTORY: NRS 453.337 DRUG TRAFFICKING (MARIJUANA) PROBATION 1 YEAR NRS 453.3385 POSSESSION OF DRUGS (HEROIN) STATE PRISON 1 YEAR NRS 453.336 POSSESSION (NOT FOR SALE) (COCAINE) STATE PRISON 1 YEAR NRS 453.337 DRUG TRAFFICKING (COCAINE) STATE PRISON 2 YEARS ) COMMENTS: KNOWN MEMBER OF THE 18TH STREET CHUCOS GANG.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) And I want to say out loud, right now, to Sheriff Burdick, this will not stand. (Nick nods.) [EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Danilo Zamesca: You, sir, will be held to answer. I mean it. I'm not going away. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM -- DAY] (The officers watch the report on the monitor.) Reporter: (from tv) A police spokesman confirms that department officials are looking into all allegations of brutality and misconduct. Sheriff Burdick could not be reached for comment. Here's what we know so far ... Officer 1: Nobody gives a crap about a dead officer. Officer 2: I don't see them lighting candles for Bell. Reporter: (from tv) ... This morning with a car chase. The pursuit ended in a shootout at Jefferson and Third Street between heavily armed suspects and police. (Officer Adams turns and leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Catherine and Nestor Ortega question Sofia Curtis.) Catherine: Detective Curtis' service pistol was received with one magazine containing three live rounds and one live round in the chamber. Nestor Ortega: During the gun battle, were you aware of the other officers' positions relative to you? Sofia Curtis: They were in front of me and ... and to my right. No, my left. Nestor Ortega: Did you continue to be aware of their positions after the suspect took off running? (Quick flashback to: [SHOOTOUT] Sofia fires at the gunmen behind the car. She sees Officer Bell in front of her stand up. End of flashback.) Catherine: Uh ... Bell was in front of me ... but he was down behind his car. Nestor Ortega: Do you remember Officer Bell being shot? (Quick flashback to: [SHOOTOUT] The gunman in black behind the car has his gun pointed at the officers in front of him.) Voice: Get down! (Sofia fires.) (Cut to: Officer Bell falls down.) (End of flashback.) Sofia Curtis: Um ... s-sorry, what was the question? Nestor Ortega: I asked if you remember Officer Bell being shot. Catherine: Do you need a moment here? Nestor Ortega: No, no, that's all right. She's going to do just fine. Sofia Curtis: Uh ... make sure you check Bell's vest. I think he took one in the chest. (The door opens and Detective Cavaliere steps inside.) Chris Cavaliere: Detective Ortega, Catherine, can you step out for a moment? (Catherine and Nestor Ortega head for the door. Ortega stops by Sofia and whispers to her.) Nestor Ortega: We're not done. (They leave the room.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Catherine, Detective Nestor Ortega and Detective Chris Cavaliere meet in the hallway.) Catherine: So how are we doing on the suspect that got away? Chris Cavaliere: Jose Fausto. Identified through prints in the car. He's got a long rap sheet. Dogs lost his scent. SWAT guys checked the building -- nothing. Gang unit's beating the bushes. Word on the street is we shot two unarmed men and a high school kid. Catherine: We got ID's of all three dead suspects. Multiple felonies, drugs, immigration violations. They're all members of the 18th Street Chucos. Nestor Ortega: Also driving a stolen car, shooting automatic weapons at a police car. These guys aren't exactly altar boys. Chris Cavaliere: West alley, I got eye-witnesses saw Po-Po plant the gun. East alley, I got an old lady who swears she saw Ricardo Estevez with his hands raised before he was killed. Catherine: These witnesses credible? Chris Cavaliere: I don't know. Nestor Ortega: Listen, if the suspects don't have guns in their hands, we can't shoot them. Catherine: Well, let's not get ahead of the evidence. Chris Cavaliere: Okay, one more thing. The family of Leandro Chavez is suing the department for wrongful death. Claims we delayed treatment. [SCENE_BREAK] [CGI EFX: CLOSE-UP] (From inside the thigh, the knife pierces the skin and cuts through the flesh. End of CGI EFX.) [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins cuts through Leandro Chavez's thigh. He puts the scalpel down and takes the forceps to remove the bullet.) [CGI EFX: CLOSE-UP] (Inside the thigh, the tweezers reach in. End of CGI EFX.) (Robbins pulls out the bullet.) Robbins: Medium caliber bullet -- transected the femoral artery. David Phillips: Major artery. Fatal wound. (Quick flashback to: [SHOOTOUT] Leandro Chavez is hit in his thigh. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Robbins points to the body's chest.) Robbins: Take a look. What's missing? (David Phillips checks.) David Phillips: All of the organs seem to be in the right place. Robbins: Look closer. David Phillips: Okay. Kidneys are ... a bit pale. Liver is light tan. Robbins: Right. David Phillips: Not a lot of blood. (Robbins nods.) David Phillips: Dead at the scene. He bled out. Robbins: Bingo. The wound was not immediately fatal. It took a while. David Phillips: This is going to look bad. Robbins: David, it is what it is. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (The interview with Sofia Curtis continues. Nestor Ortega puts a large map of the community down on the table in front of her.) Nestor Ortega: Why did you leave a downed officer? Sofia Curtis: Sergeant Adams told me he had the situation under control. So I went to back up Officer Davis, who ran off in ... this direction. (She points to the map.) I caught up with him here. (Quick flashback of: [BACK ALLEY] Officer Davis fires his weapon at the suspect. His gun locks. End of flashback.) Sofia Curtis: Davis' slide was locked back. He was out of ammo. Catherine: So the suspect had a gun pointed at Officer Davis. Sofia Curtis: Of course. That was why I fired. (Quick flashback of: [BACK ALLEY] The suspect has a gun pointed at Officer Davis. Sofia fires. End of flashback.) Nestor Ortega: 100% sure? Sofia Curtis: Yes. Nestor Ortega: What did you do next? (Quick flashback to: [BACK ALLEY] Officer Davis automatically picks up the gun.) Sofia Curtis: What are you doing? Put it down. (He puts the gun down.) Officer Davis: Yeah, sorry. I was just trying to secure his gun. Sofia Curtis: Okay, he's not going to be using it anymore. (End of flashback.) Sofia Curtis: Officer Davis was acting on survival instinct, not training. It was understandable under the circumstances. Nestor Ortega: I don't think so. (Sofia leans back in her seat. Catherine turns and looks at Ortega.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE] (Brass is sitting at his desk, fiddling with his badge. Sofia appears in the doorway. They both look worn and tired.) Brass: Want a ride? Sofia Curtis: No, I'm just going to go home. Brass: You sure? Sofia Curtis: Yeah. (Sofia leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Nick tests the trigger pressure of the guns.) (He picks up the second gun, the automatic. He slides the gun chamber and finds it a little difficult. He tries again and pauses as he thinks about it.) [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM] (Sara puts the various top view photos of the community down on the table. She also has photos of the three dead suspects.) (She finishes putting the three photos down and walks around the table to look at a particular photo. Camera pulls back and we see part of the whiteboard with a layout of Third Street with the positions of everyone marked on it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - DISPATCH - DAY] (Catherine goes over the calls and call order with Dispatch.) Dispatcher (woman): Okay, the first communication I received from three- David-34 was at 06:43:37. Officer Bell: (from recording) This is three- David-34 requesting immediate backup. New suspect vehicle Adam- Robert- Charlie-208, Nevada, dark Chevy Caprice, four suspects. Suspects are armed. Dispatcher (woman): (from recording) Copy, three-David-34. Catherine: What did Bell mean by "new suspect vehicle"? Can you take it back to the last communication before that call? Officer Bell: (from recording) Control, this is three-David-34. We'll be 487, twelve thousand block of Roosevelt on David-Nora-Charlie-130, Buick Regal. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Catherine and Detective Ortega interview Sergeant Adams.) Catherine: A 487 is a traffic stop. You were pulling over a Buick? Sgt. Adams: That's correct. Nestor Ortega: Why'd you leave the Buick and start following the Caprice? Sgt. Adams: Didn't leave the Buick. The Caprice cut in. (Quick flashback to: The dark Caprice cuts in between the officer car and the Buick they're following. End of flashback.) Nestor Ortega: Why'd he do that? Sgt. Adams: Don't know. The next thing I know, we were taking fire. Forgot all about the Buick. Catherine: Did you see where it went? Sgt. Adams: I was kind of busy. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. STREET -- DAY] (Greg is still processing the street, evidence markers litter the roadway. Grissom walks up to him.) Grissom: Hey! You done yet? (Greg turns around and stands up.) Greg: Grissom! Am I on overtime? Grissom: Of course. Greg: Did everyone else go home? Grissom: No. No. (Grissom looks down at the road with the bullet casings.) Greg: Well, I finished about ten blocks so far. That's 98 cartridge cases. Let's see, double-L, 86, that's, uh, 38 bullet impacts. Grissom: Good. Pursuit started ten blocks farther down. You're halfway done. Greg: I've got like three or four hours more work left. Can I have some help? Grissom: Everybody's busy. I think you missed one. (Greg sighs and walks away.) (Grissom notices that on the side of the road is a shiny hubcap.) (Quick flashback to: The dark Caprice travels down the road and loses a hubcap. End of flashback.) (Grissom's phone rings; he answers it.) Grissom: Grissom. Catherine: Hey. I just interviewed Sergeant Adams. He and Bell were making a routine traffic stop when the Caprice cut in. (Grissom walks over to the hubcap and notices the Buick logo in the center of it.) Catherine: The initial vehicle was a ... Grissom: (interrupts) A Buick? Catherine: I hate it when you do that. Grissom: Lucky guess. I'll call you back. (Grissom hangs up and makes his way back to Greg.) Greg: How'd you know that hubcap was connected to the case? Grissom: I'm a trained observer, Greg. Greg: No, really. Grissom: How long do you think a perfectly good hubcap like this would sit around out here? There's a freeway on-ramp about two blocks away. Check and see if there's any traffic cams between here and there. Greg: You know, you scare me sometimes. It's kind of freaky. You ever bet on the ponies? Grissom: I prefer poker. Horses are hard to control. (Greg nods.) Make sure you document these skid marks. Greg: (snickers) He said "skid marks." [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB - DAY] (Nick is test firing the guns.) Nick: Oh-ho-ho! Yeah! That's what I'm talking about. Warrick: I got over firing AK's a long time ago. (Warrick looks at the revolver.) Warrick: Hey ... mustache boy, come over here and check this out. (Nick walks over. Warrick opens the gun and shows him the jammed bullet.) Warrick: Get a load of that. Nick: Whoa. What are the chances of that happening? Warrick: Like one in a million. (Quick flashback to: [BACK ALLEY] Officer Davis fires. The bullet leaves his gun and hits Salvator Rosario's gun right as he's about to fire. End of flashback.) Warrick: The bullet jammed this cylinder. You know, I couldn't clear this gun at the scene. I should've noticed these bullet fragments. I guess I got distracted. (Nick goes back to get the bullet he test fired out of the water bin.) Nick: Well, the bullet had to come from Officer Davis's pistol ... but if you're the suspect, don't you know your gun's getting hit? Warrick: I think it would have felt like a normal recoil. Besides, it was like the wild west out there. Nick: You don't have to tell me; I know it was crazy out there. You know, I pulled 78 bullets out of one car. Davis just got lucky. Warrick: This suspect had one live round left. It saved Davis's life. Nick: Well, there you go. Proves he was pointing the gun at the officer. See you in court; stroke one up for the good guys. Warrick: We still have to place it in Rosario's hand. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Grissom walks out of forensic autopsy and down the hallway. He walks past Salvator "Stuckey" Rosario's mother and brother sitting in the hallway. Mrs. Rosario looks up as he walks by, but Grissom doesn't notice her. Undersheriff McKeen and Tracy Bell walk up to Grissom.) Undersheriff McKeen: This is, uh, Gil Grissom from the Crime Lab. This is Officer Bell's wife. Grissom: Mrs. Bell, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband -- he was a fine man. (Mrs. Rosario sobs loudly.) Tracy Bell: Why are they crying? Undersheriff McKeen: Um, why don't I drive you home. Tracy Bell: They're crying for the man that killed my husband. Mrs. Rosario: What did you say? Tracy Bell: You heard me. (McKeen leads Mrs. Bell toward the door.) If you did a better job of raising your son, I wouldn't be here. (Mrs. Rosario surges to her feet. Her son holds her back.) Mrs. Rosario: Don't you tell me how to raise my children! Tracy Bell: You should be ashamed! Man: (shouts) (in Spanish) Mrs. Rosario: How dare you! (screams) How dare you! (McKeen leads Tracy Bell out of the hallway.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Catherine is examining Officer Bell's vest. She finds a bullet hole.) (Quick flashback to: Officer Bell is shot. End of flashback.) (Catherine feels around in the vest and finds the bullet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Grissom walks in putting on a pair of gloves. Warrick is already inside.) Warrick: You run the gauntlet? Grissom: Yeah. Ferro-tracing his hands? Warrick: Yeah. I'm trying to prove Rosario here held the gun. Grissom: Good old pyridyiphenyl triazine. Warrick: I'm hoping this stuff reacts to the traces of iron that may have been left on his skin. It'll further refute any argument that the gun was a plant. (Warrick sprays the shooter's right hand.) (Quick CGI to: The spray reacts to something on the hand and a black mark appears on his palm. End of CGI.) Grissom: That could be the back strap of a gun. Warrick: Yeah. That would do it. (Warrick snaps a photo of the mark on the hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Det. Cavaliere walks through the hallway when he's stopped by an officer.) Officer: Detective, do you have a moment? Chris Cavaliere: Uh, yeah, I'm kind of busy -- what is it? Officer: I picked up a junkie for possession, outside a fleabag motel off Fremont. Chris Cavaliere: And what? Officer: And ... last night, he spotted your shooter. (Cavaliere turns and looks at the handcuffed man sitting on the waiting room chairs.) Chris Cavaliere: Let's talk to him. (He walks up to the junkie and shows him the photo of the suspect, Jose Fausto.) Chris Cavaliere: You know this guy? Junkie: What if I do? What'll it get me? Chris Cavaliere: He's a cop killer. Gets you nothing. Junkie: Hey, no need to get hostile. Chris Cavaliere: Hey, man, you don't know what hostile is. Junkie: Will it at least get me a ride home? Chris Cavaliere: Come on ... Junkie: Okay, okay. I-I do a lot of business at the Lucky Seven Motel. And that guy checked in last night. He scored a little something to help get him some sleep. But he didn't pay. He just flashed his piece. Chris Cavaliere: Nine-millimeter? Junkie: Yeah. He wanted a ... a girl, and I gave him a number. That dude's bad news. I want to give him to you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Grissom walks in as Robbins finishes Officer Bell.) Robbins: Glad you're here. I'd like to get this one off my table. Found a rather large contusion the left chest just below the nipple. Grissom: Well, that location is consistent with the bullet Catherine found embedded in his vest. Robbins: It's like getting kicked by a mule. You'll want to see this. Through-and-through. (He sticks a rod through the bullet hole in Officer Bell's neck.) Entrance wound just below his left ear, exited below and to the front of his right ear, severing the right common carotid. (Quick flash to: Officer Bell is shot in the neck. The bullet goes through the flesh, severs the artery and out through the other side. End of flash.) Robbins: That's your COD. Fortunately, he never felt a thing. (Grissom stops as he thinks about it.) Grissom: Left to right, back to front. Robbins: Mm-hmm. Grissom: Only cops were shooting in that direction. Robbins: Are you saying Bell was hit by friendly fire? Grissom: Maybe not so friendly. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT MOTEL - DAY] (The hooker exits the motel room and shuts the door behind her. She leaves the room with money in her hand.) (As she nears the end of the walkway, she's grabbed and pulled off to the side.) Chris Cavaliere: Who's in the room? Hooker: Some john, I don't know. Chris Cavaliere: Shh! (He shows her a photo of Jose Fausto.) Chris Cavaliere: Is that him? Hooker: Mm-hmm. I couldn't wait to get out of there. He was acting real nervous. (She sees SWAT coming up the stairs.) Now I know why. I took care of him; he's asleep. So you're not gonna bust me, right? Vartann: Get her out of here. (The hooker is led down the stairs.) [INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (The door bursts open. Jose Fausto is on the bed. He jumps to his feet.) SWAT: Police! Let me see your hands! Do it now! Get on the floor! Down! (Jose Fausto gets down on his knees, his hands behind his head. Vartann cuffs him.) (The SWAT officer checks to see that they have the right man.) SWAT: That's our guy. (Warrick walks into the room. He pockets his gun and picks up the gun on the counter. He checks it.) Warrick: He's carrying a nine. Officer: (o.s.) All clear, sir. (Warrick looks at the bullet from the gun.) Warrick: We'll run this gun against the cartridge case from that poor kid on the bike. (He notices the bike in the room.) Warrick: I'm guessing you didn't save up for that one, huh? (Quick flashback to: Fausto runs out into the street, sees Geraldo on his bike and shoots him twice in the back. End of flashback.) Vartann: You shoot an innocent kid in the back just to take his bike? You piece of crap! Get up! (Vartann pulls Fausto to his feet.) Chris Cavaliere: Hey, you're gonna wish you kept running. They hate cop killers in Vegas, you hear me? Huh? Jose Fausto: Come on, let me get dressed up first, huh? Chris Cavaliere: We got a jumpsuit just your size, don't worry. (They lead him out of the room.) [EXT. MOTEL - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (The officers lead Jose Fausto out of the room and down the stairs. There's a small crowd gathered out front the motel.) Voice: Suspect coming through. (As they lead him to the car, a shot rings out. The bullet hits Fausto square in the chest.) (A woman screams.) Chris Cavaliere: (shouts) Down! Everybody down! Down! (Officers scramble, their guns raised and looking around for the shooter.) Warrick: Where did that come from?
doc_162	[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. DESERT ROAD - DAY] CU: LIZARD ON A ROCK (A lizard is on a rock in the middle of the road.) (Officer cars rush down the road and are headed toward the lizard. Sirens blare. The lead car suddenly turns right and smashes through the wooden fence. The other cars follow.) [EXT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - DAY] (The officer cars rush down the long driveway and stop in front of a house complete with pigs in a sty out front. Car doors open and officers with their guns out take position behind the doors. The SWAT team moves out toward the house. Brass gets out of the car and yells through the bullhorn.) Brass: Hank Connors, Las Vegas Police. Come out with your hands above your head. Come out slowly. (Gunfire erupts from the house. Officers duck as bullets shatter car glass.) (The officers return fire.) (A couple of SWAT move in closer and take cover behind an old tractor.) (The gunfire from the house continues.) (The two SWAT officers move in closer to the house. One of them is hit.) Brass: Officer down! (They continue to exchange gunfire.) Hank Connors: (shouts) Go back where you came from! You're not taking me! (He continues to fire on the officers outside.) (He stops and looks outside.) SLOW MOTION: Three SWAT officers move in toward the house. (Hank Connors takes a moment, then he runs into the house.) (The officers reach the front porch.) [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] (Hank Connors makes his way through the hallway to the door in the back.) [EXT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - FRONT PORCH -C ONTINUOUS] (One of the officers kicks the front door in.) [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BACK DOOR - CONTINUOUS] (Hank Connors stops in front of the back door and turns around to look inside, his back to the door.) [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (SWAT officers enter the house and head for the hallway.) REVERSE VIEW (The SWAT officers appear in the hallway entrance and make their way toward the back door.) (Hank Connor appears to stand in front of the back door.) (SWAT officers continue to make their way toward him.) (Hank Connor grabs a gun, puts it under his chin and -- BANG! (Blood spatters on the back door window.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM / HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] (The guns found in the house are on the table. Nick walks in and heads for the hallway where Hank Connor's body is slumped up against the back door.) (Along the hallway walls, Nick notes the guns and ammunition stacked on the side. He stops in front of the body and notes the handgun in the victim's grip. He also notes the large water bottles in the room beyond the back door.) (Brass enters the hallway.) Brass: MREs, automatic weapons, ammo, water -- this guy Connors was ready for the end of days. Nick: Which, in his case, was today. Bomb squad find any booby traps? Brass: No, he liked it mano a mano. Nick: Any sign of Chyna De Vere? Brass: Not yet. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - FRONT YARD -- DAY] (Grissom and Warrick walk along the side of the house where the pigs in the pen are.) Warrick: You know, there's some food, you just shouldn't see where it comes from. Grissom: Did you know that pigs are very intelligent animals, right behind chimps, dolphins and elephants? Warrick: Ahead of dogs? Grissom: And certain politicians. (Warrick chuckles.) (They look around.) Warrick: I don't see Connors' truck anywhere. Grissom: Let's look in the barn. (They head for the barn.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BARN -- DAY] (The cat runs down the steps and out the door as it opens. Grissom and Warrick walk in.) Warrick: There's the truck. (Warrick steps up to the area where the blue truck is parked. He and Grissom look at the truck. They find bloodstains in the bed.) Warrick: If this is Chyna De Vere's blood, we're getting warmer. (Warrick snaps photos of the blood. Grissom turns and looks around the barn. They note the items on the desk and the stuffed animals on the side.) Warrick: Looks like he had a hobby -- stuffed animals. (Warrick stops near the table and looks at the items on it while Grissom continues toward the other side of the barn. He looks at the various stuffed animal heads up on the wall.) Grissom: Hey, Warrick. Warrick: Yeah? Grissom: I feel like Marco Polo. (Warrick heads over toward Grissom.) Warrick: Why's that? Grissom: I just discovered Chyna. (Chyna's head is mounted up on the wall.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BARN -- DAY] (David Phillips is standing up on a chair and looking at Chyna's head up on the wall.) David Phillips: This is a career first. (Warrick is working on the table in the back.) Warrick: A little tip for you: The new Mrs. Phillips doesn't need to hear about this. David Phillips: Are you kidding me? She'll want to hear every detail. Why do you think I married her? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - FRONT YARD -- DAY] (Sara walks around the house and finds Nick in the sty with the pigs and the mud. He's trying to round them up.) Nick: Come on, pretty girl, come on. (The pigs squeal. Sara watches him.) Nick: Come on. Sara: Hi. Nick: Hey. Sara: What are you doing? Nick: Well, I read about this farmer in Canada who killed a bunch of women and fed them to his pigs. Sara: Oh. Nick: Yeah, their health department had to put out a bulletin that said, "Warning: your pork may be contaminated with human." (Nick pushes a pig toward the container opening.) Sara: I'm so glad I'm a vegetarian. (The pig snorts as Nick grabs him and pushes him through the opening.) Nick: Get through there! (The pig goes through the opening.) Nick: Well, no one has seen or heard from the victim's husband, so ... I kind of figured he may have been dessert. (Nick herds another pig to the opening.) Sara: I think the fat one likes you. (Nick smiles and sighs at Sara.) Nick: They always do. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Greg and Catherine walk into the lab.) Greg: We went to Connors' ranch because a week ago, Chyna De Vere went missing. She just separated from her husband, got her own place. (They stop in front of a large piece of carpeting on the floor.) Greg: This is a large section of her living room carpet -- wet to the touch, pheno confirmed a blood pool. Catherine: Well, it's certainly enough blood to suggest foul play. (Greg looks through the file.) Greg: There were also traces of perchloroethylene, phosphates, alcohol, ethers and sodium hypocholorite. Catherine: Used a steam cleaner. Would've denatured any DNA. (She stands up and walks around the carpeting.) Greg: Yeah, we checked all the local places that rent them. Connors' name didn't come up. Catherine: How about the husband's? Greg: Nope. And he's still missing. Catherine: So what's this? (She points to a circle on the carpet marked GS 102.) Greg: That is a single, distinct blood drop -- not from the victim, not from the husband. They didn't clean the whole carpet. Unknown female. We also found soil trace, identified as scheelite, a tungsten ore. Apparently, Connors' ranch is near old tungsten mines by McCade. Catherine: (shakes her head) How is Connors, this pig farmer, connected to the victim? Greg: Oh, he's in kind of a club with the victim's husband. Catherine: Kind of a club? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BACK ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom flips through a book of drawings of aliens, UFOs and other unidentified creatures. He closes the book to look at the title, "To Walk Among Us.") (He puts the book down. The next book on the bookshelf is, "Serpents of the Universe: A Comprehensive Account of the Reptilian Conspiracy.") (He turns and looks at the various items on the table - UFO magazines, a photo, tin foil, tape. He picks up the photo of two men and a woman. He puts the photo down and opens a magazine to a yellow flyer. It reads: APRIL 15, 2006 FRIENDSHIP AUDITORIUM McCADE, NEVADA SPECIAL PRESENTATION BASED ON THE WORK OF DR. SIDNEY BUCKMAN WE ARE NOT ALONE. COME HEAR THE TRUTH. ) (He picks up the flyer and looks at it.) [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM / BACK ROOM -- DAY] (Sara walks into the house as the coroners are wheeling out the body. She walks through the hallway and into the back room where Grissom is.) Sara: Want me to take the living room? Looks like Armageddon came on a Thursday. Grissom: Do you believe that intelligent life exists on other planets? Sara: I'm not sure there's intelligent life on this planet. (He gives her a look.) Sara: I'll get started. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Brass walks in and talks with Shannon Turner.) Brass: Ms. Turner. Shannon Turner: I already went through this a week ago. Brass: You know, you're right. But let's go through it again. Chyna De Vere is dead. And her remains were found on your boyfriend's ranch. Shannon Turner: Yeah, not my boyfriend -- my friend. And furthermore, I never knew Chyna De Vere. Brass: She wasn't a member of your club? Shannon Turner: No. If she was, I would have known her, and I didn't. Brass: Her husband was. And he's MIA. You know, the club's getting smaller and smaller by the minute. This morning, Hank Connors died. (Shannon Turner appears shocked and upset by the news.) Brass: When we went up there to arrest your friend, he shot himself. And I'm getting the feeling that you're going to be missing a meeting, too. Look, Shannon, you alibied a killer. You're already an accessory to one murder. If Hank Connors killed Chyna's husband, too ... Shannon Turner: Oh. Oh, is that what you think happened? Brass: Tell me where he is. Hmm? You know, this can work in your favor with the DA. Shannon Turner: Oh, you know what? I'm not really worried about that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BACK ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom is looking at the notices and clippings pinned to the bulletin board. He looks around and notices the pull-down projector screen up on the ceiling. He pulls down the projector screen and looks around for the projector.) (At the end of the room, the projector is set up in the closet. Grissom turns the closet light on and switches on the projector.) (The image of Dr. Sidney Buckman appears on the screen.) Sidney Buckman: Adam and Eve were not only the first humans on the Earth, they were bait ... for intelligent life forms elsewhere in the cosmos, refugees from planets that could no longer sustain them. But why Earth? Deoxyribonucleic acid. DNA. The blueprint of human life is the key to their survival. Without it, they will perish. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (The door opens and Greg walks in with his kit.) Greg: Hi, Ms. Turner. My name's Greg Sanders; I'm with the Crime Lab. I have a warrant to take a sample of your DNA. (He puts his kit on the table and gives the warrant to her.) Shannon Turner: You're not touching me. Greg: Well, ma'am, this is standard procedure. (Greg opens his kit and takes out a swab.) Shannon Turner: I know who you are. Greg: I'm just going to swab the inside of ... (He approaches her with the swab. She stands up and violently pushes him away from her.) Shannon Turner: Hey! Not! (The woman officer grabs her and holds her as she struggles.) Officer: Calm down. Shannon Turner: Get off of me! Officer: Calm down, ma'am. Calm down. Shannon Turner: All of you get away from me! Get him away from ... ! Officer: Calm down. (They force her to sit down on the floor.) Shannon Turner: No! Greg: Let's try this again. (He tries to get the swab in her mouth and she bites down on his hand.) Officer: Let go of his hand! Let go of his hand, ma'am. (Greg looks at the bite mark on his hand.) Greg: That bitch bit me. (Greg turns and swabs her saliva from his hand.) Greg: I got my sample. (He turns and heads back to his kit.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BACK ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom continues to watch the film.) Sidney Buckman: (on film) The first encounters between humans and extraterrestrials took place over a hundred thousand years ago in Atlantis, and in its sister civilization in the Pacific, Lemuria. Ancient civilizations on every continent have recorded evidence of these encounters. These visitors were highly advanced and did not appear in human form. Now, the Mayans called them Chanes -- people of the serpents-- and in Hebrew legend, the snake represented knowledge. Of course it did. It was not human. Not of this Earth. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TURNER RESIDENCE - DAY] (Catherine and Brass walk into the living room. Catherine puts her kit down while Brass looks at the books on the shelf.) Brass: Shannon sure has a lot of books. (There are titles for 'Foundation for "A Course in Miracles"', 'Flying Saucers: Top Secret,' 'The Handbook of Artificial Intelligence,' 'Astronomy: The Cosmic Journey,' and A Different Approach to Cosmology. ) Brass: UFO's, alien abduction ... (Catherine is looking at the mail on the desk. She flips the card over. The address on the other side is to: SHANNON TURNER 1654 HILLIS AVE LAS VEGAS NV 89101 ) Catherine: Chyna was a dealer at the Palermo. Looks like Shannon was a player. Gold level. (The card is for PALERMO PLAYER'S CLUB, LOOSEST SLOTS IN VEGAS. WORLD-CLASS BUFFET GOLD LEVEL MEMBERS - ½ OFF EARN POINTS FOR CASH GOLD LEVEL MEMBERS - EARN DOUBLE POINTS ON TUESDAYS EXCLUSIVE OFFER ONLY FOR GOLD LEVEL MEMBERS LIKE YOU! ) Brass: Yeah, tell me they never met. We'll check the Palermo security. (Catherine opens the desk drawer and takes out a sketchbook. Brass walks over as Catherine flips through it. She sees sketches of various designs and reptilian creatures.) Catherine: Reptiles ... UFOs ... (She turns the page over to a sketch of a warrior woman.) Brass: Xena, Warrior Princess. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BACK ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom continues to watch the film.) Sidney Buckman: (on film) History is replete with stories of the heroic destruction of serpents: Perseus and Medusa, St. George and the Dragon, St. Patrick and the Snakes of Ireland. (Sara walks in and stops to watch the film with Grissom.) Sidney Buckman: (on film) But these are not merely legends ... Sara: What is this? Grissom: I think their UFO club is based on the teachings of this guy. Sidney Buckman: (on film) ... and the natural form of these invaders is not human. They are described in ancient accounts as serpents and dragons. And man's weapon against them is the sword. Cut off the tail, the serpent lives. Cut off its head, and it dies. Sara: So Connors cut off her head because he thought she was a serpent from outer space? (Grissom turns and looks at her. The film ends.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TURNER RESIDENCE - DAY] (Catherine continues to flip through the sketchbook to show more reptilian creatures. Brass is in the kitchen.) Brass: Catherine ... check this out. (Catherine heads for the kitchen. Brass shows her a mug with a photo of Preston De Vere and Shannon Turner. The caption reads: Chillin' in Cabo.) Brass: Chyna De Vere's husband, Preston. Catherine: What's Shannon doing with him? Brass: "Chillin' in Cabo." (Catherine sees something black like a handle up on the top cabinet shelf. She takes the stepladder out to see what it is.) (A brown cat trots into the kitchen.) Brass: Aww. Well, while Mommy's in custody, I guess the kitty's hungry; I'll call Animal Control. (Catherine climbs up the stepladder and finds a long blade sword.) Catherine: Oh, Jim ... Brass: Well, hello, Xena. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - FRONT YARD -- DAY] (The pigs are sunning in the mud on one half of the pen. On the other side of the pen, Nick digs through the mud and finds what looks like a human bone.) Nick: Oh, boy. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - NIGHT] VARIOUS CUTS OF: (David Phillips and Robbins use a drill to unscrew Chyna's head off the mounting board.) (They remove the board and cut the wire holding the sides of the head together.) (They unwrap the skin and hair from around the skull, which was padded with dry straw.) Robbins: Look what he used on the incision. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - NIGHT] (Robbins shares his findings with Grissom.) Grissom: Duct tape? Robbins: Yeah, he used it to close up the laceration from a sharp force perimortem wound. Corresponds to the indentation in the skull. (He picks up the skull and shows Grissom the mark.) Grissom: Could that be the fatal wound? Robbins: Give me the rest of the body and I can tell you. Grissom: Nick's working on it. (Robbins peels back the duct tape.) Grissom: Almost three inches, smooth-edge blade; you know, Catherine found -- Robbins: (interrupts) Yeah, I heard. A sword -- everyone's talking about this one. (He glances over his shoulder at Hank Connors on the table behind him.) Robbins: Why would anybody want to taxidermy a human head? Grissom: I'm still working on the "how." Robbins: That, I can tell you. Mounted one myself. A deer-- Dad was a hunter. First, our guy had to separate the head from the body. For that, he used a serrated-edge knife. (Robbins shows Grissom the pattern on the bottom of the skin.) Robbins: Dad used a carving knife, same one we used at Thanksgiving. When mom found out, she almost killed him with it. Grissom: Heartwarming. Robbins: Yeah, so then ... he had to flesh the skin away from the underlying muscle. (Quick flash of: Hank peeling the skin off the muscle. End of flash.) Robbins: Next, he would've stretched the skin out on a board, -- (Quick flash of: Hank rubs rock salt into the skin.) Robbins: (V.O.) -- rubbed it with rock salt ... (End of flash.) Robbins: ... then waited two days. Then he tanned the skin to preserve it, (Quick flash of: Hank working on the head.) Robbins: (V.O.) -- hydrated it with a borax and water solution to keep the bugs off. (End of flash.) Robbins: Next, he cleaned the skull, filled the imperfections with clay, sawdust, anything at hand. Popped in two glass eyes, and then ... (Robbins puts the skull back in the skin.) Grissom: And he's got the best-looking wall mount in the neighborhood. (smiles and nods.) We're going to need to process that toolmark. Robbins: Yeah, I'll get it over to CSI. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (Catherine dusts the blade for prints. She finds several. She takes a print lift of the prints.) (Mandy walks in and finds Catherine in her chair.) Mandy: Oh ... nice sword. Mm-hmm! I dated a guy on the fencing team. His thighs were incredible. (She takes a lift of a print on the hilt.) Did you want to show me something? Catherine: Yes, the, uh, tip has been wiped clean. Negative for blood. But I did find a couple of partials on the blade just above the hilt. (Catherine takes her gloves off.) Mandy: Okay. Catherine: And a couple of full prints on the handle. (She takes her coat off.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Nick measures the length of the bone he found.) Nick: The femur measures 461 millimeters. (He checks the height chart.) Gives us a height for a white female of 5'6". Grissom: Exactly Chyna's height. How about for a male? Nick: 5'7". Grissom: Preston De Vere is too tall. Did you measure the head of the femur? Nick: No, sir, I was just about to. (He measures the head.) Nick: 41 point s ... point five millimeters. Grissom: It's a female. Nick: You want my theory? (Grissom listens and Nick ticks off the items on his fingers.) Nick: This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had Chyna. Grissom: Yeah. (He looks at the markings on the bone.) Human teeth aren't strong enough to leave these marks. Nick: And it is consistent with Connors chopping off her head and tossing his "girls" a bone. Grissom: (sighs) Okay ... go back to the ranch. See if you can find the rest of her. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Greg is in the lab when Catherine walks in with her sword. Greg's hand is bandaged.) Catherine: Hey, Greg. You up for a bite? (Greg laughs like it's the funniest joke ever. He pounds on the table as if unable to control his laughter.) (Catherine watches him as she takes her jacket off.) (He continues laughing, then stops.) Greg: No. I am on antibiotics, I had a tetanus shot-- I'm having a pretty bad year. (Catherine puts her lab coat on.) Catherine: Oh, it's only a bad year if you do a bad job, Greg. You're having a great year. (She winks at him.) Greg: (suggestively) I got that gel ready for you. (Catherine picks up her sword and starts cutting into the gel.) VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF: (As Greg works on one side of the table, Catherine cuts impressions into the gel on the other side of the table. She makes several cuts working her way down the sword.) (Meanwhile, Greg prepares the cast and makes an impression of the marking in the skull.) (Catherine stands the gel impression on its edge and makes a cast impression of the sword cuts.) (Greg removes the cast from the skull. He puts it under the scope.) (Catherine peels off the impression from the sword cut and gives it to Greg, who puts it under the second scope to compare. He looks under the scope and finds a MATCH.) Greg: Voila! Catherine: We have our weapon? Greg: Yeah, and a mounted human head, a suicidal pig farmer, a missing husband, and a bunch of UFO believers. What could be next? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (Grissom's lizard is in its tank. Grissom sits at his desk looking up a website on the DRACO CONSPIRACY. The lizard on the monitor removes its mask to reveal photos being morphed into reptilians.) (Warrick walks in.) Warrick: Wendy got results back on the blood from Connors' workbench in the pickup truck. It's Chyna De Vere. Grissom: Good. Come here, take a look at this. (Warrick walks around the desk to look at the humans morphing into reptilians.) Warrick: Hey, isn't that, uh ... ? Grissom: Yeah. You can see Dick Cheney, Al Gore, all nine Supreme Court Justices shape-shift into reptilians. Did you know that, for thousands of years, creatures from the constellation Draco have been mating with humans to form a super-race that includes 43 US presidents, most members of Congress, and the entire British royal family? (Catherine walks in.) Grissom: Hey, did Shannon Turner have a cat? Catherine: Yeah. Grissom: So did Hank Connors. See, it figures. Cats are a natural enemy of reptiles. Catherine: I'll keep that in mind. The sword I found at Shannon Turner's made the tool marks on the skull. Shannon's prints were all over the handle. And the partials on the blade, above the hilt -- Chyna De Vere's. Grissom: She tried to defend herself. (Quick flash to: Shannon is sparring with Chyna, who is unarmed. Chyna grabs the sword's blade to avoid getting hit. End of flash.) Catherine: Did Wendy find anything on that drop of blood on the carpet? Warrick: Came back to Shannon. Grissom: Yeah, but Brass interviewed her last week. She didn't have any visible cuts. Catherine: Warrick? Come at me with a sword. (Warrick steps forward and Warrick advances toward Catherine with a make-believe sword. Catherine puts her hands up and pushes Warrick's make-believe sword back in his face.) Catherine: All right, so I push back hard enough ... (Quick flash to: Shannon comes at Chyna with the sword. Chyna pushes the sword back and hits Shannon in the face.) Catherine: (V.O.) -- bang you on the nose. Brass wouldn't have seen that. (End of flash.) (Grissom concedes the possibility.) Grissom: But what I don't understand is if Shannon Turner and Hank Connors really believed in a reptilian conspiracy and they felt threatened by the political establishment, why kill a blackjack dealer? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - LAND AROUND AREA -- DAY] (Officers are moving slowly around the area looking for evidence.) (Warrick walks around the house.) Warrick: Hey, Nick! Nick: (o.s.) Yeah? Warrick: I got something over here. (Warrick walks over to a circular stone formation on the ground with ashes in the center. He uses a stick and pushes the ashes and dirt aside. Nick walks over to him.) (Nick kneels down in the dirt as Warrick picks up a bone.) Nick: Man, that looks human. (He puts the bone down and picks up his camera to snap a photo of it.) (Nick pushes the ashes and dirt around with a stick and picks up a fabric remnant.) (Warrick sifts through the ashes and finds a ring. He reads the inscription inside.) (Nick finds a second ring and reads the inscription.) Warrick: (reads) "To Chyna, Love, Preston." Nick: "To Preston, Love, Chyna." Warrick: Till death do us part. (They look at each other. Nick holds the ring up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Sara and Archie go over the Palermo security video.) Archie: According to the Palermo, Shannon Turner joined the Player's Club last month. Whenever a player uses a club card at a table game, the floor man writes down what game you played, where you sat, what time you started, time you quit. Then they estimate your average bet, win-loss ratios ... Sara: No wonder she believed in conspiracies. Archie: Well, this is the first time Shannon used her card. (He fast-forwards the video and stops on Shannon at Chyna's table.) Sara: And the dealer is Chyna. (He puts up different video.) Archie: A week later. By now, she's a regular. Sara: Looks like they're best friends. (He puts up another video.) Archie: Two weeks ago. Sara: Table's full. She's waiting for a seat. Archie: Shannon only gambled at Chyna's table. Sara: Maybe Chyna was her lucky charm. Archie: That depends on how you define luck. (Archie puts up Shannon's tally sheet showing losses every week.) Sara: She never walked away a winner. Archie: Maybe she blamed Chyna for her losses. Sara: She's too friendly. I think she was gaining her trust. Stalking her. Archie: Well, it's Las Vegas. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass and Grissom interview Shannon Turner.) Shannon Turner: It's not a crime to play blackjack. Brass: You're right, it's Las Vegas. But it is a crime to lie to the police. We found your blood in Chyna's apartment. Shannon Turner: Then it was planted. Brass: By whom? Shannon Turner: How should I know? Maybe you planted it. Brass: Look ... you killed Chyna, and you got Connors to help you move the body. And Connors killed Preston, because he was obsessed with you and wanted to eliminate the competition. (Brass puts a photo of the SHANNON AND PRESTON mug on the table. Shannon swallows.) Brass: You lied about knowing Chyna; you going to lie about this, too? Shannon Turner: Preston can't be killed. His cells don't die. He's over 4,000 years old. Brass: Oh, 4,000. The new fifty. Shannon Turner: You just don't know the truth when you hear it. Preston is a great man. He has the wisdom of the ages. Beyond your capacity to understand. Grissom: Ms. Turner ... was Chyna a reptilian? (She doesn't answer him.) (Grissom opens the folder and takes out a sketch of a reptilian with a crown.) Grissom: Who is this? Shannon Turner: The Reptilian Athena. Grissom: Is that Chyna De Vere? (Again, Shannon doesn't answer him.) (Grissom shows her the sketch of the warrior princess.) Grissom: Tell me about this one. (She smiles.) Shannon Turner: That's the Protector of Mankind. Brass: Is that you? (Brass sips from his water cup. Shannon sees his snake-like forked tongue slip out of his mouth and drink from the water.) (Brass stops drinking. He looks at Shannon.) Shannon Turner: Hmm? Grissom: Did you slay the Reptilian Athena? Shannon Turner: I did what I had to do. (Quick flash of: Shannon is dressed in her warrior princess outfit.) Chyna De Vere: What's this all about? Shannon Turner: I have to kill you. Chyna De Vere: What?! (Shannon takes out her sword and attacks Chyna. Chyna fights back. Eventually, Shannon knocks Chyna back.) (End of flashback.) Shannon Turner: It's not like there's nothing at stake here. Just the survival of the human race. Brass: Yeah, I'm just a phone booth away from changing into my tights and saving the world. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Archie is in the lab going through the security video. Warrick walks by.) Archie: Hey, Warrick, I got something. (Warrick walks into the lab.) Archie: I was scanning the casino footage from the day Chyna disappeared. And she had a visitor--her husband. Warrick: She doesn't look so happy to see him. (On the video, Chyna and her husband are arguing. She holds out the palm of her hand. He takes his ring off and gives it to her.) Warrick: Well, we don't need words to get that. Archie: "Give me your ring. I really, really hate you. Our marriage is over." (She takes her ring off and slips both rings in her pocket.) Warrick: Well, that means she was killed before she had a chance to change her clothes. That would explain why we found both rings in the ashes. But it doesn't explain what happened to him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF: (David brushes the ashes and dirt off the bones and hands them to Robbins, who sets them in their correct place on the table.) (When they're done, David looks at the table. Robbins snaps a photo of the bones.) (David turns over a vertebra with a bullet inside. Robbins takes a photo of it.) (Robbins extracts the bullet from the vertebra.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins shows Warrick the bullet.) Robbins: I found it embedded in this. T-9 vertebra. Warrick: But that means the bullet had to pass through at least one vital organ. Robbins: Yeah, heart, lung, and then the dome of the liver. That's your COD. Warrick: And you're sure these are Chyna De Vere's bones. Robbins: Yeah, pelvis is female. No duplicate bones. The femur's the same length as the one the pigs were chomping on. It's her. (Warrick holds out the open bindle. Robbins drops the bullet inside.) Warrick: Okay. Well, we'll run this against Connors' guns. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] Cue Sound: (V.O.) GODZILLA ROARING [INT. APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT] (Sara and Grissom are watching an old Godzilla movie on the television set. Godzilla stomps through the city. People scream and run. Godzilla uses his tail and smashes into a building.) (Sara is leaning back against the bed headboard while eating yogurt. Grissom sits near the foot of the bed with Bruno the dog.) Sara: I always feel sorry for the monster. Grissom: (amused) Then you better turn it off before they use the Oxygen Destroyer on him. (Grissom gets up and leaves the bed. He whistles. Bruno gets up and follows Grissom.) (After a moment, Sara puts the yogurt down on the bedside table and turns the television set off with the remote. An envelope stuck in between the pages of a book catches her eye. It has her name on it.) (She takes the envelope out and looks at it, partially addressed to her.) (She looks at it for a moment, then opens it. It's the letter Grissom wrote to her back in 7X13-Redrum. He never sent it to her. Sara reads it.) Grissom: (V.O.) I don't know why I find it so difficult to express my feelings to you. Even though we're far apart, I can see you as vividly as if you were here with me. I said I'll miss you, and I do. (In his study, Grissom takes a photo off his desk and moves to the worktable where he's constructing Grissom: (V.O.) As Shakespeare more ably wrote my sentiment in Sonnet 47, "Thyself away art present still with me; For thou not farther than my thoughts canst move, and I am still with them ... (Grissom is in the next room working on his miniature scene.) Grissom: (V.O.) Or, if they sleep, thy picture in my sight, Awakes my heart to heart's and eye's delight." (We hold on Sara. She turns and looks over in Grissom's direction.) Warrick: (PRE-LAP) Fire in the hole! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB] (Warrick files into the tank. BANG!) (Nick jumps. His earphones aren't on yet.) Nick: You're supposed to let me get these things on. Warrick: Hey, you were supposed to be ready. (Warrick puts the gun down and opens the container to get the can with the bullet in it.) Warrick: I don't know, man. Maybe it would have worked out if Tina was someone who did what we did. At least she'd understand the hours. (Warrick empties out the contents of the can.) Nick: Oh, I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea to date somebody you work with. You never really get away from work or them the way you need to, you know? (Warrick picks the bullet out and juggles it from hand to hand.) Warrick: You mean, like me and you, baby? Nick: Yeah, exactly, honey. Warrick: Mm-hmm. (He gives the bullet to Nick. Nick looks at it under the scope. It looks like a match.) Nick: Yeah, it looks like the bullet that killed her came from Connors' Walther PPK. (Quick flash of: Chyna is on the floor crying. Hank Connors stands above her with the gun pointed down at her. He fires. End of flash.) FLASH TO: [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT ROADWAY - DAY] (Brass parks his car on the side of the road. The officer car following him stops as well. A sheriff's car is parked on the opposite side of the road with the sheriff waiting for them.) Joe Vasquez: Captain Brass? Brass: Jim. (They shake hands.) Joe Vasquez: Joe Vasquez. Brass: How you doing, Joe? Joe Vasquez: I got a call from a passing motorist. Naked guy running around in the desert. That may not be so strange where you work, but out here, it gets our attention. I recognized him from the news. Brass: Thanks a lot, Joe. (Brass looks into the back of the car.) Brass: Preston De Vere? Preston De Vere: Very glad to be back home. Brass: What are you doing out here, Preston? Preston De Vere: I was a captive, held against my will. From what the sheriff tells me, I've been gone over a week. Feels like just seconds. Brass: Can you describe these people to me? Preston De Vere: Well, yes, but you won't believe me. Brass: Try me. Preston De Vere: They were very tall ... with reptilian features: large, almond-shaped, red eyes. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - PRESTON'S ROOM -- DAY] (Brass walks in. Preston is in bed.) Brass: Hey, what's happening, Lizard King? Preston De Vere: I appreciate your skepticism. I anticipated it. Insight begins with asking the right questions. (He sits up and puts his glasses on.) Brass: Okay, then, when exact were you abducted? (Preston takes his glasses off and looks at Brass.) Preston De Vere: Nine days ago. (He puts his glasses on.) Brass: Oh, so you were abducted before your wife was missing. Preston De Vere: What do you mean Chyna is missing? What happened to her? Brass: What are you trying to tell me? You don't know your wife is dead? Preston De Vere: That was callous of you. Unnecessarily cruel. I had no idea. That sweet girl ... (Preston takes his glasses off, covers his face with his hand and sobs loudly. Brass is unmoved.) Brass: Stop the crocodile tears. Come on. Preston. If she was so sweet, what were you doing Chillin' in Cabo with Shannon Turner? Preston De Vere: Are you suggesting that was romantic? (Preston puts his glasses back on.) Brass: Well, you got your pictures on the coffee mug. That's romantic to me. You better come up with an alibi -- on planet Earth -- of where you were the night your wife was killed. Preston De Vere: That's easy. (Preston slides off the bed and stands up.) Preston De Vere: There's a woman, and it is romantic, very romantic. I was with her when they took me. Her name is Clarissa Niles. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. ROOM -- DAY] (An Alien Abduction Survivor's Group meeting is being held.) Man: We are victims ... and no one is listening to us. We're powerless against what's going on. (Brass and Grissom arrive with several officers. They wait in the doorway while the group meeting continues.) Man: We're not crazy. If you look at who has had contact, we're airline pilots, professionals, teachers, scientists. I don't know how to get the truth out, but we have to. (Some of the members nod in agreement.) Barbara: Has anyone talked to Shannon in the last couple of days? (Several members shake their heads.) Man: They've got her. Grissom: It's like we're witnessing some form of mass hallucination. You know, they think the cops are part of this reptilian conspiracy as well. That's why Shannon attacked Greg. (Quick flash to: [INT. P.D. -- INTERVIEW ROOM] The officers hold Shannon down while Greg stands over her.) Greg: Let's try this again. (As she looks at him, his hand turns scaly and green with webbed fingers.) (Shannon looks at Greg and his face turns reptilian.) (End of flash.) Brass: And why Hank Connors shot himself. (Quick flash to: [EXT. CONNORS RESIDENCE] Hank looks out his window. The officers are advancing toward the house with their guns. A cloud of dust blocks his view. When it clears, Hank sees reptilians dressed as officers and carrying guns as they advance toward the house.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Hank stands in front of the door to his back room. He sees a reptilian advancing toward him down the hallway. He puts the gun under his chin and shoots himself.) (End of flashes.) (Brass steps into the room and holds up his badge.) Brass: Sorry to interrupt. Man: Don't make eye contact with them. (Everyone in the group looks away.) (Brass looks at Grissom.) Grissom: Please, we come in peace. Brass: Which one of you is Clarissa Niles? (The man looks at Clarissa and shakes his head.) Man: Don't. (Clarissa raises her hand.) Clarissa Niles: It's all right. I'm not afraid. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - SUNSET] Greg: (V.O.) Got a warrant to tow in Clarissa Niles' car. [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (Greg shows Catherine what he's found on the tires under the ALS.) Greg: Blue fluorescence is one of the properties of scheelite. (Catherine puts her gloves on.) Catherine: Which was found in the soil at Hank Connors' ranch. Greg: (nods) And Preston beamed down in the same area. Catherine: Have you looked inside yet? Greg: Naw. I was just about to. (Catherine opens the back door and looks inside. She finds men's shoes and clothing.) Catherine: Preston was found naked, right? Greg: Yeah, it's a recurrent theme in tales of alien abduction. I practically grew up on 'The X-Files.' Catherine: Preston's wallet. Somehow I doubt aliens would have folded his clothes when they abducted him. (Greg pops the trunk.) Catherine: So Clarissa drove him out there and he left his stuff in her car. Greg: That's not all he left. (Catherine joins Greg and she chuckles at the contents in the trunk.) Greg: Steam cleaner. Just what every estranged husband needs to clean up his dead wife's blood. Catherine: This case just came down to Earth. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (Brass interviews Clarissa Niles.) Clarissa Niles: Yes, Preston was at my home in Summerlin. We were asleep and suddenly the room turned very cold. Freezing. I woke up and looked over and Preston was gone. I ... I searched the house, outside ... It was as if he evaporated. Brass: (SIGHS) Come on, Clarissa, you're a smart woman, I mean, really. I mean, you have a beautiful home, you're a good citizen, you pay your taxes, you vote, you even play a little golf. You got way too much on the ball to fall for this con man. Clarissa Niles: Con man? You think I'm gullible? He's a brilliant man. He saved my life. When we first met, I was very ill. It was cancer and he cured it. Brass: Really? How'd he do that? Clarissa Niles: He knows how to prevent human cells from dying. He has injections; they're, they're radioactive. Hospitals won't do it because it would make everyone well. It would put them out of business. Brass: Do you really think he's four thousand years old? Here. Let me show you something. (He opens a file folder. She puts on her glasses.) Look at this. He's 42. He claims he's a nutritionist. He's not. And look. Look at all these schools and labs he said he went to. They never heard of him. He has no place of business, no job. He just preys on vulnerable women. He got Shannon Turner to kill his wife for him. Got you to give him money. Clarissa Niles: He never asked for it. I wanted to give it to him. Brass: You would have done anything for him, whether he asked for it or not. (Quick flashback to: Preston talks with Clarissa at a group meeting.) Preston De Vere: Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? (She blushes.) I mean really, really, really beautiful. More so every day. Clarissa Niles: That's because you cured me. I-I-I've never felt better or happier. Preston De Vere: You know, I didn't want to alarm you, but they put an implant in you. They do it while you're sleeping so they can manipulate your thoughts. My injections disabled it. You're not only cancer-free, you're free of their control. Clarissa Niles: Oh, my God. How am I ever going to be able to thank you? (End of flashback.) Brass: You drove him out to McCade, you dropped him off, you brought back his clothes. The evidence is all over your car. Clarissa Niles: He loved me. Brass: He used you just like he used everybody. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB] (Hodges opens the steam cleaner and finds a single strand of hair in the bristles. He removes the hair.) [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (David opens the drawer and takes a single strand of Chyna's hair.) [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (Greg dusts the plastic steam cleaner water container and finds a print under the cover. He lifts it and scans it into the database.) [INT. CSI - HALLWAY/ DNA LAB] (Hodges shares his findings with Catherine.) Hodges: If they were trying to clean up all the blood, they did a good job. Steam cleaner tested positive for blood, but there wasn't enough for DNA. Catherine: Did you find anything? (They enter the DNA Lab.) Hodges: Funny you should ask. Found a hair in the brushes. Catherine: Oh. Hodges: It's on the left. (Catherine looks in the scope at the two strands of hair.) Hodges: The one on the right is Chyna De Vere's. Catherine: They're both Chyna's. (Hodges nods. Greg bursts into the lab.) Greg: Hey. So, that steam cleaner was completely wiped down, couldn't find any prints. But then I remembered this story about a CSI down in LA. Nobody could find any prints on a gas can from an arson, but he realized that you got to grip it underneath in order to pour out the gas. And you know what? He broke the case. Catherine: So whose prints are on the steam cleaner? Greg: I just got an AFIS hit: Preston De Vere. (Quick flash to: [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE] Chyna is on the floor. Hank paces nearby. Preston talks with Shannon.) Preston De Vere: You have a destiny. You were chosen. You are a Protector of Mankind. Have no fear. (to Hank) Cut off her tail, she lives. Cut off her head, she dies. Hank Connors: No problem. (Hank picks Chyna up. There's a large bloodstain on the carpet.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Preston steam cleans the carpet.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Preston removes the plastic water container and empties the bloodied water down the drain.) (End of flashback.) Greg: It wasn't a reptilian conspiracy, but it was a conspiracy. Catherine: Men are snakes. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY] (The officers lead Preston out through the hallway. Preston smiles and nods to everyone. Brass follows behind him.) Brass: So we checked Chyna's bank account. She had a tidy little inheritance until she met you. Preston De Vere: Chyna was sucking the life out of me. She deserved none of what she wanted and all of what she got in the end. I'm glad it took a long time for her to die. I can only imagine the pain. Brass: You know, every time I think about leaving this job, a guy like you comes along and reminds me why I can't. (Brass leaves. Preston turns and sees Clarissa Niles walk up to him. She spits on his face. The officer leads her away.) Sidney Buckman: (V.O.) History is replete with stories of the heroic destruction of serpents. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] Sidney Buckman: (V.O.) Perseus and Medusa, St. George and the Dragon, St. Patrick and the Snakes of Ireland. [INT. GRISSOM'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (Grissom works on constructing his miniature scene while Bruno slobbers at his feet.) Sidney Buckman: (V.O.) These are not merely legends. These are accounts of battles for the survival of the human race -- a battle we will lose unless we stop killing one another and focus on the real enemies. (Grissom applies glue to a piece and puts it on the grid of the room he's constructing.) Sidney Buckman: (V.O.) They are among us.
doc_163	LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is packing a bag, Chris and Paul Anka are sitting on the couch, Chris looks bored] LORELAI: Okay. Toothbrush, hairbrush, hypoallergenic pillow, chenille blanket... ooh, comfort shoes. Got them. CHRISTOPHER: Those are your comfort shoes? LORELAI: Not mine -- Paul Anka's. CHRISTOPHER: We're staying in tonight. You can probably get away with flats. LORELAI: He loves, loves, loves chewing on these. They remind him of a squirrel carcass. CHRISTOPHER: Yummy. LORELAI: Don't judge. You eat jerky like it's going out of style. CHRISTOPHER: So, all this stuff is for Paul Anka? LORELAI: No, not all. The toothbrush is mine. CHRISTOPHER: Lorelai. LORELAI: What? It's his first night staying at your house. I want him to have all the stuff that makes him comfortable. Ooh -- tennis balls! CHRISTOPHER: I actually have tennis balls. LORELAI: Penn or Wilson? CHRISTOPHER: You're joking. LORELAI: Paul Anka's must be Penn. They must be new, they must be green -- not orange and green, just green. And FYI, you might want to watch that sarcastic tone of yours because dogs are very attuned to tone. It's kind of like Chinese, in that respect, dog language. It's very tone based. And you are stressing him out right now with your tone. CHRISTOPHER: The dog is stressed? LORELAI: Look at him. And when he gets like this, you need to talk to him in sweet and dulcet tones. [High-pitched voice] Hi, Paul Anka. Ooh, hi, boy! Hi! [Normal voice] Get it? CHRISTOPHER: Got it. LORELAI: Good. Sunglasses. [goes to get them] CHRISTOPHER: [To Paul Anka] This is not normal. I want you to know that. [To Lorelai] The dog wears Ferragamos? LORELAI: Oh, please. Don't give him any ideas. These are mine. All right, let's go. You take this, this, and this. Come on. What are you waiting for? [They go out and close the door, Paul Anka whimpers a little, then Lorelai comes back] LORELAI: Oops. Here, Paul Anka. [Claps] OPENING CREDITS HALLWAY TO LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory's phone rings] RORY: [answers cell phone] Hey. LOGAN: Hey, you watching it? RORY: What? LOGAN: The meteor shower. RORY: What meteor shower? LOGAN: It's on the news the BBC said there's some huge meteor shower tonight. I thought we could watch it together. RORY: Uh, Logan, I have been in the library for the past nine hours. I don't know anything about any meteor showers. But I could use a regular shower, though. LOGAN: Go up on the roof and check it out. RORY: Now? LOGAN: Yes, now! It's supposed to start in like two minutes. RORY: But... LOGAN: Ace! This is once-in-a-lifetime celestial event. Get going. RORY: Okay, okay. I'm getting. I'm going. LOGAN: Are you running? RORY: I'm running! I'm running! Who knew you were such an astronomy buff? LOGAN: Hurry! RORY: What has gotten into you? [Rory makes it to the roof] LOGAN: Nice night. RORY: Oh, my god! You're here! What are you doing here? LOGAN: [Chuckles] Happy to see me? RORY: Beyond happy! [They hug] Ecstatic! I can't believe you're here! And look at me -- I'm covered in highlighter ink and I smell like Fritos and ginger ale. LOGAN: It's an aphrodisiac. RORY: You're here and you did all this? LOGAN: You like? RORY: I love, but you didn't have to do this. I mean, you're here. It's enough. It's more than enough. LOGAN: Could you shut up now so I can kiss you? [They Kiss] RORY: So there is no meteor shower? LOGAN: No meteor shower. RORY: So you used the entire cosmos to trick me? LOGAN: I like to think big. RORY: So, what is going on? What, Why are you here? LOGAN: I'm kissing my girlfriend on the roof. Mmm. RORY: But why? LOGAN: The Fritos and Ginger Ale thing. I told you, huge turn-on. RORY: [Sighs] Explain yourself. LOGAN: I'm just here for a quick business trip. RORY: How quick? LOGAN: Too quick. RORY: How quick is "too quick"? LOGAN: I have 10:00 flight back to London tomorrow night. RORY: Oh, that is too quick. LOGAN: That website my team has been trying to buy -- the owners finally agreed to sit down, talk to us tomorrow over breakfast. RORY: Logan! That's great, right? I mean, three weeks ago, they weren't even taking your calls. LOGAN: It is great. However, not as exciting as kissing my girlfriend on the roof. RORY: Um, so, what's that amazing smell? LOGAN: Food from Ibiza. RORY: The island? LOGAN: The Tapas plAce downtown. RORY: Ooh, did you get the duck? LOGAN: I did. RORY: And the short ribs? LOGAN: Yes. And... RORY: [Gasps] Ooh! A 2003 red something. Oh I bet it's very oaky and corky and full of fruity legs. LOGAN: Know a lot about wine, do you? RORY: Not so much, but the label's pretty. LOGAN: There's also gazpacho, that cheese-pie thing you love, plus flan. RORY: Ooh, flan! You got me flan? LOGAN: Doesn't take much to make you happy, does it? RORY: Not when you're on this continent. LOG: Okay, why don't you open this wine? I want to taste those fruity legs, and I'll make you a plate with extra flan. RORY: Okay. [starts to open the bottle but then runs to Logan] Ooh, I'm so glad you're here! LOGAN: [Sighs] CHRIS' APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is on the couch, playing with the Tivo remote, Chris walks in] CHRISTOPHER: Ha-ha! You're killing my Tivo. LORELAI: I'm not killing it. I'm composing on it, I'm composing a symphony. Finally, an instrument I can play. CHRISTOPHER: Give me that. LORELAI: No, no, no! CHRISTOPHER: Give me! LORELAI: Not until you explain your choices. CHRISTOPHER: What? LORELAI: "The View"? "Girlfriends"? "S*Bado Gigante"? Who controls this thing, you or Pedro Almodóvar? CHRISTOPHER: It's the nanny. LORELAI: Sure, it's a likely story. CHRISTOPHER: Give me, give me, give me. LORELAI: Did Gigi Get to sleep okay? CHRISTOPHER: She did. I tried to skip to the end of "Cinderella," but she wouldn't let me. It's my own fault. My wicked stepsister voice kills. LORELAI: She's amazing, you know? CHRISTOPHER: That reminds me. LORELAI: Oh, no! You're not gonna show me some of her art, are you? I never know what to say in those situations. I mean, even when it was Rory's art, you know? Three blue finger smudges and some construction paper. It's not precocious. It's just messy. CHRISTOPHER: Here. This came a couple of days ago. It's from Sherry. LORELAI: From Sherry? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, it's the first I've heard from her since the divorce was final. Go ahead and read it. LORELAI: Wow, how "Dangerous Liaisons" of her. She doesn't call. She doesn't e-mail. Then she sends you a letter with a wax seal that weighs roughly the same as a porterhouse. CHRISTOPHER: Well, she had a lot to say. LORELAI: Gosh. It's a lot of sorry. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, 15 pages worth. Believe me, I was not expecting this. Humility is not a side of Sherry I've ever seen before. I don't know if it's the yoga or the yoga instructor or... LORELAI: Yoga instructor? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, she's dating her yoga instructor, Jean-Claude or Jean-Pierre -- one of those names that always sounds fake. Anyway, it sounds like she's really changed. She feels awful about what happened, run away like that and she wants to find a way to be part of Gigi's life again. LORELAI: Honey, that's great. CHRISTOPHER: Right? LORELAI: Yeah... So, you got this two days ago and you're showing it to me now. CHRISTOPHER: Well I was gonna show it to you, a couple of days ago but I figured you were coming over so... LORELAI: No, I'm not criticizing. CHRISTOPHER: You're not? LORELAI: No, I'm complimenting -- badly, obviously. But I'm complimenting. You shared it with me. CHRISTOPHER: Well I kind of thought that was how the whole adult-relationship thing worked. You know, openness, honesty. LORELAI: Interesting. And you're sure you don't want to stash it away somewhere and then I find it -- accidentally, of course -- months from now, and I get all weird and insecure about why you didn't show it to me sooner? CHRISTOPHER: I'm good with the sharing. LORELAI: All right. It's another way to go. [They sit back to watch TV] CHRISTOPHER: [Evil voice] That glass slipper will fit my foot. [Normal voice] That was my wicked stepsister voice. LORELAI: Yeah, I figured. [Lorelai looks happy] ROOF TOP [Rory and Logan are laying on the floor] RORY: I'm so happy. LOGAN: Me too. [Kisses Rory on the head] You know you can't do this in London? The city lights are so bright, you almost never see the stars. RORY: Yeah, but it's London. LOGAN: Ah. RORY: Wait, are you tired of London? LOGAN: I'm tired of not being around you. RORY: Yeah, but you can't be tired of London. Samuel Johnson said, "when you're tired of London, you're tired of life." LOGAN: Obviously, the man was never in a long-distance relationship. RORY: That's true. Boswell did keep quite close. LOGAN: [Smooches] What are you doing? RORY: Nothing. LOGAN: You're trying to sneak a peek at my watch. RORY: Well, I just can't believe it. I can't believe you're here. And I-I can't believe that you're leaving in only 26 hours and 45 minutes. LOGAN: Come on think positive -- that's an entire lifetime to a fruit fly. RORY: Actual you're thinking of a mayfly. Fruit flies can live for up to a month. So what do you think, can you stay for a month? I mean what if your meeting tomorrow goes really, really well? LOGAN: I hope it does. RORY: It will. It's a great idea. LOGAN: It's basically MyspAce. RORY: But by invitation only. And it'll be like an online version of the Algonquin group, like throwing a party in your head where everyone you've ever wanted to talk to is there -- Ira Glass, Sofia Coppola, Flaubert, Danger Mouse. LOGAN: The deal's not done yet. Far from it. These guys aren't just gonna hand over their website because we buy them breakfast. RORY: They might. Tell them that they can order pancakes and eggs. Don't make them choose. Sausage, bacon, fruit, potatoes -- let them get the whole combo. 'Cause Then they will have to sell it to you. It'd be rude not to. LOGAN: You are a business genius, Ace. RORY: Well, I'm taking econ with my grandpa. LOGAN: Whatever happens, we'll be ready. We've been working our asses off on this one -- Nick, Bobby, Phillip. RORY: Oh, yes -- Phillip, Nick, Bobby. The team. Starting lineup. LOGAN: It is a classic win-win. They give us a foothold in new media. We give them a huge influx of capital, which they need. Believe me when it comes to debt versus equity, they're screwed. They have no liquidity, huge expenses, zero revenue. I mean, the target advertising potential alone -- what? What are you staring at? RORY: You, "Mr. Debt versus equity." LOGAN: Are you mocking me? RORY: Yeah, but I like it. Tell me more about this um, targeted advertising potential. LOGAN: What do you want to know? There's pay-per-click, pay-per-lead, banner ads, pixel tagging. RORY: Oh, stop. I'm getting weak at the knees. [They kiss] LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Next morning, Rory is still in bed] RORY: [reaching for Logan] Logan? LOGAN: Shh. Go back to sleep. It's only 6:00. RORY: In the morning? LOGAN: Yes, in the morning. Go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you. RORY: Hey, where you going? Come back here. LOGAN: I can't I promised Nick, Bobby, and Phillip I'd meet up with them for breakfast before the pitch. RORY: I thought the pitch was at breakfast. LOGAN: It is, but we can't walk in there unprepared. We got to go over our notes, talk strategy. It's a pre-breakfast breakfast. RORY: Work dork. LOGAN: Did you just call me a work dork? RORY: Admit it, just admit that you're a work dork. LOGAN: I'll admit that I'm a work dork, if you admit that you love I'm a work dork. RORY: Done. [they kiss] LOGAN: Now I really have to go. RORY: Hey, I have ways of making you stay, you know. LOGAN: I know, I know, but take pity on me, please. After work, I promise I'm all yours. Dinner? RORY: Is it a pre-dinner dinner or a real dinner? LOGAN: As many dinners as you want. RORY: Aw, man, I can't believe we've wasted 4 1/2 hours on sleep. What are we down to now, like 15 hours? LOGAN: Rory, I'm actually gonna need both arms for this pitch. RORY: Okay, I'll let go. Just one more kiss. LOGAN: I don't believe you. RORY: Try me. [Logan moves in to kiss, then doesn't and walks off.] RORY: [Gasps] Hey! No fair! LOGAN: I'll call you later. RORY: Work dork! LOGAN: Work dork lover. DRAGONFLY INN - RECEPTION AREA MICHEL: [Sniffs] Gah. [Sniffs] LORELAI: You need a tissue? Oh, god, what is that? MICHEL: I don't know, but it's horrible. LORELAI: Oh, it is. It's foul. It's like rotten cabbage. MICHEL: Or with dense but subtle undertones of olives. LORELAI: There's nothing subtle about it. It's like a sledgehammer to the nose. SOOKIE: Oh, my god! What is that? LORELAI: It's not coming from the kitchen? SOOKIE: Bite your tongue. Are we having heart attacks right now? Isn't smelling something strange the first sign of a heart attack? LORELAI: I don't think we're having a communal massive heart attack. MICHEL: Carcasses. LORELAI: What? MICHEL: Those strange, angry-looking guests -- I'm sure they are traveling with decaying animal flesh. LORELAI: Yeah, 'cause that's the most logical explanation. Gonna open a window, see if we can air it out a little bit. [opens the window] Gah! No, no, no! SOOKIE: Close it! Close it! Close it! LORELAI: Ugh! MICHEL: So glad we tried that. LORELAI: All right, I'm going out there to see what's causing this. SOOKIE: Out there?! MICHEL: Are you crazy?! LORELAI: Maybe, but the sooner we can find out what's causing this, the sooner we can run like hell to less stinky ground. SOOKIE: Well I'm coming with you! MICHEL: Me too! Let's hang for a minute. If she makes it to the end of the block, we'll join her. SOOKIE: Michel! MICHEL: What? Fine. Ugh! [Coughs] STARS HOLLOW - TOWN SQUARE [They whole town is out covering there noses] LORELAI: Kirk, where's everybody going? KIRK: Taylor called an emergency town meeting. Not sure why. SOOKIE: The smell, Kirk. The horrible, horrible smell. KIRK: Really? [Sniffs] I just don't think it's that bad. SOOKIE: Ugh. Well, come on, let's go. LORELAI: No. You know what? On second thought, I'd rather smell this smell for the rest of my life than see Luke at a town meeting. SOOKIE: Oh, honey. LORELAI: It's okay. I'll go back to the inn. I'll be fine. Just call me when you want me to pick you up. MISS PATTYS - TOWN MEETING GYPSY: Finally! MISS PATTY: It's about time, Taylor! We're dying here. TAYLOR: I assure you, no one is dying. The substance causing this odor is not toxic in any way, shape, or form. It's pickles. [The crowd begins to groan and continues to for most of the meeting] SOOKIE: That's no pickle! KIRK: Pickle? Like one giant pickle? TAYLOR: Order! As those of you who take an interest in civic events may recall, three days ago a train derailed just east of town -- luckily, no one was injured. However, 3 1/2 tons of pickles and pickle brine were scattered along the tracks. And due to some inevitable delays in cleanup, those pickles have been baking in the sun for three days. [The crowd groans] MISS PATTY: And you knew about this? GYPSY: It's a cover-up. BABETTE: We got picklegate! MISS PATTY: Ha ha ha! TAYLOR: I did know about it, but it wasn't a problem until this morning when the wind shifted. And instead of wafting easterly toward our neighbors in Woodbridge, the smell seems to have settled on stars hollow. Now, there's no telling how long it will last. [The crowd groans again] GYPSY: What?! People are suffering here. SOOKIE: How long does it take to pick up a few measly pickles? TAYLOR: Picking up the pickles is not my main concern at the moment. Now, this is a matter of pride, people. A huge principle is at stake. There's absolutely no reason why we here in stars hollow should take responsibility for this mess. The pickles themselves hail from Ohio. LUKE: Ohio? TAYLOR: The railroad company is incorporated in the state of Delaware. And since all the pickles are on the Woodbridge side of the tracks... LUKE: Just pick up the damn pickles, Taylor! [Indistinct shouting] TAYLOR: Easier said than done. Even if we wanted to do the wrong thing and assume fiscal responsibility for this fiasco, the cost is astronomical. $2,500 for... LUKE: Sold! GYPSY: Done! BABETTE: Pay, you big cheapskate! [The crowd starts yelling "yeah!"] TAYLOR: Fine! All those in favor of stars hollow taking a swift kick to the tush and shouldering the entire cost... [The crowd raise the hands and say "aye!aye!"] TAYLOR: Very well. Motion carried. Pickle smell gone in 48 hours... along with everything good about stars hollow. [They crowd leaves] PARK [Children playing on different play ground equipment] LORELAI: Breathe that in. Isn't that fantastic? Forgot what fresh, pickleless air smells like. CHRISTOPHER: Oh, so, you coming over to my neck of the woods for lunch is really no reflection on how desperately you needed to see me? LORELAI: Hmm...10% desperate need to see you, 90% pickles. CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] LORELAI: You know, I'm actually looking forward to Friday night dinner. Because, as you well know, the Gilmore house, like very expensive vodka, is completely odorless. CHRISTOPHER: And you still want me to come with? LORELAI: Yes, you, me, Rory, numbers, babe. CHRISTOPHER: Gigi, No. Skirt down! Gigi! LORELAI: You may want to look into the whole skort concept. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, so, I spoke with Sherry this morning. LORELAI: Oh, yeah. What's the deal with her? CHRISTOPHER: Well, first she and Gigi Spoke for almost half an hour. LORELAI: That's as long as you can do anything when you're 4. CHRISTOPHER: And then she and I talked. I thanked her for the letter. She said everything in it was true. She's totally serious about this new life thing. No more workaholic ways. She's gardening and meditating, all kinds of stuff. She's very self-actualized -- her words, not mine. LORELAI: Good for her. CHRISTOPHER: And the big news is, she wants me to send Gigi To Paris to stay with her for a couple of months. LORELAI: Wow. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah wow, I mean, I know it seems kind of sudden, but Sherry's taken this huge leave of absence from work, and Gigi Got so excited. Why not, right? She's not in school, yet, just preschool, and she needs to get to know her mother sometime. [To Gigi] No, hey! Gigi, That's too high! Careful! LORELAI: So, what -- would you go to Paris with her? CHRISTOPHER: No, I was thinking the nanny could take her. She's dying to go. I mean, it's Paris, right? She's 25 years old. It's a chance of a lifetime. LORELAI: Yeah, sure. CHRISTOPHER: No, hey! Gigi, No, don't pick that up! I'll be right back. LORELAI: [Sighs] YALE NEWS ROOM BILL: You can't put Paris in charge. PARIS: She can and she should. RORY: Guy's I just need someone to get the paper out tonight. Doesn't matter who. I want the chain of command to be clear. BILL: When the editor in chief isn't here, the managing editor's in charge. That's standard operating procedure at every newspaper in the country. PARIS: Yes, but I've done this 1,000 times, and you've never done it, bill. Experience. BILL: Experience that led to a mutiny. It's not like anyone ever gave Captain Bligh another ship after the Bounty. PARIS: Of course they did, multiple ships, and by the time he died, they promoted the guy to rear admiral. Do you think the British royal navy ruled the world in the 19th century by letting that much natural talent and leadership capability go to waste just because a few whiny complainers wanted more breadfruit and less scurvy? BILL: [To Rory] Tell me you're not seriously considering this. The bunker. Do you not remember the bunker? PARIS: I hardly see how my choice of workplace is relevant. BILL: There was an insurrection, a revolt, an uprising. She was deposed. PARIS: See how wordy he is? He overwrites. Plus, he's always been weak with gerunds. RORY: [Sighs and then her cell phone rings] Sorry. Look, could you guys take this somewhere else? BILL: Fine. Let's go to my desk. PARIS: Your desk? Right, like I'm actually going to cede home-court advantage. RORY: Oh, for god's sake. RORY: [Answering the phone] Hey! LOGAN: We did it, Ace! We bought the company! RORY: What? LOGAN: It's crazy we were just supposed to have breakfast. Next thing I know, we're sitting there with lawyers going over contracts. RORY: Logan, that's amazing. LOGAN: I know! RORY: Was it all because of my breakfast-combo idea? LOGAN: I'm pretty sure that's what sealed it. So will you come celebrate with me tonight? RORY: I already cleared my schedule. LOGAN: Great! I'll send a car. Tonight, you'll be dining with a captain of industry. RORY: Wow, do you get to wear a uniform? LOGAN: I'll have to check the fine print. Go home, get dressed. I'll see you soon. RORY: Aye-aye, captain. DRAGONFLY INN - RECEPTION [Michel is on the phone] MICHEL: Cancel? Well, I would say that depends. What exactly is your feeling about pickles? Uh-huh, yes, pickles -- gherkins, dills. For instance, if all the air around you smelled like pickles and there was no place to run, no place to hide, would you find that bothersome? LORELAI: Michel, help. Let me in. [The door is chained to keep the smell out] MICHEL: [On the phone] No, that is not a metaphor. Yes perhaps it would be better if you checked in tomorrow night. Uh-huh. Goodbye. LORELAI: Michel, it's getting in my pores! My pores are pickling! MICHEL: [Coughs, as he lets her in, he has put on a mask] LORELAI: Sorry, I didn't mean to get you out of surgery. MICHEL: Oh, mock the mask if you wish. LORELAI: Oh, I will. MICHEL: [Coughs, closes the door and sprays around it.] One is never too careful with toxic pollutants in the air. LORELAI: Michel, it's just pickles. MICHEL: Oh, so they say! Has anyone ever seen these pickles? Who's to say this is not some sort of chemical weapon the government is testing on us behind our backs? LORELAI: That's a cheery thought. MICHEL: I have much scarier scenarios if you want to hear them. LORELAI: Yeah, maybe later. DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN LORELAI: Hey. Wow, the smell is amazingly not terrible in here. What'd you do? SOOKIE: Well, after the town meeting, I decided to make some baked apples with cinnamon and nutmeg. LORELAI: This is apples and cinnamon? SOOKIE: Mnh-mnh. The apples failed me. I mean, a terrifically famous smell, right? A powerful tool in the hands of a real-estate agent. Against the pickles -- powerless. LORELAI: What is it? It makes me happy. SOOKIE: The apples failed. I tried cheeses and breads and chocolates. But nothing could mask the power of the pickles. LORELAI: You know I think my sense of smell is ruined. The insides of my nose are burned out. SOOKIE: Then, I decided if you can't beat them, join them. Embrace the pickle! LORELAI: Milton Berle it smells like? SOOKIE: Milton Berle, are you saying my kitchen smells like Milton Berle? LORELAI: Milton Berle, "Broadway Danny Rose," Carnegie deli. SOOKIE: Pastrami. LORELAI: Pastrami! SOOKIE: You want a sandwich? I'll make you a sandwich. LORELAI: No, thanks. SOOKIE: You sure? I've got pumpernickel. I've got rye. I've got this really nice mustard. I've even got dr. Brown's cel-ray soda in the fridge. LORELAI: Nah, I filled up on lunchables in the park with Chris and Gigi SOOKIE: Oh, yeah? LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: Lunchables, huh? LORELAI: Don't judge what you do not understand. SOOKIE: So, Friday afternoon in the park with Christopher, huh? LORELAI: Yeah, you know I will have one. Soda that tastes like vegetables -- who would have thunk it? Hey, uh, this kind of weird thing happened today. SOOKIE: Oh yeah. LORELAI: So, apparently Sherry is trying to get back in touch with Christopher. SOOKIE: Sherry "ex-wife" Sherry? LORELAI: Mm-hmm. SOOKIE: Sherry "abandoned her baby to go live the life of a bon vivant" Sherry? LORELAI: The very one. She wrote him a letter -- "mea culpa, mea culpa." She's learned the error of her ways. She wants to get back in touch with Gigi. SOOKIE: Translation -- she wants to get back with Christopher. LORELAI: No, I don't think so. She's dating someone. She's doing downward dog with some French yoga instructor. SOOKIE: Sherry "mani/pedi twice a week" Sherry is doing yoga? LORELAI: Allegedly. Who knows? But then Chris went on about sending Gigi To Paris with this 20-year-old nanny so that Gigi Can reconnect with her mom. SOOKIE: And you told him that's insane. LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: What? Why not? LORELAI: I don't know. Not saying what I think is not what I'm known for. If you know what I mean. SOOKIE: No, no, I don't it's not what you're known for. It's what you're not known for. I mean, it's not what your not... you're usually quite frank. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: It sounds like you're not quite comfortable talking to Christopher. LORELAI: That's the thing. I am. SOOKIE: Well, then why didn't you? LORELAI: Because in my head, I wasn't talking to Christopher. I mean in the park I was talking to Christopher but in my head, I was talking to Luke. SOOKIE: Oh, honey, of course you were. LORELAI: No, I-I don't mean it like I missed him. I mean it like Luke is the one who didn't want me getting involved in his kid's life, not Chris. Chris is open to what I think. Chris is open to me. [Scoffs] Christopher is not Luke. SOOKIE: Nope, Christopher is not Luke. LORELAI: Why aren't all nutritious things in soda form? SOOKIE: That's a good question. LORELAI: I swear I would eat my vegetables if only they were fizzy. [cell phone rings] Yay, Rory! Hello? RORY: Hey, what's going on? LORELAI: Uh, well Stars Hollow smells like pickles. RORY: Pickles? LORELAI: Pickles. RORY: Pickles pickles? LORELAI: Pickles. RORY: Why? LORELAI: Because a pickle train crashed. RORY: Is this a joke, is this a long, boring joke that I'm not going to get? LORELAI: No it's no joke the town smells like pickles because a pickle train was derailed. RORY: A train full of pickles? Who knew there was such a thing? LORELAI: Well, pickle-train conductors, for one. Sounds so fun. I would've been the greatest pickle-train conductor. Can you see me -- "all aboard, you pickles!" RORY: Hmm. Clearly you missed your calling. LORELAI: Well, luckily there's you. You're young, you're clever, you're our great pickle-train conducting hope. RORY: I can't believe I'm missing this. LORELAI: Well you can celebrate next year on the anniversary. Now what's going on with you? RORY: Well, I can't make it to Friday night dinner tonight, but I have a very good excuse. LORELAI: Pickle-train conducting seminar? RORY: Logan's in town. LORELAI: [Gasps] No way! RORY: Yeah, he showed up last night. It was a total surprise. LORELAI: I can't believe you let me go on about pickle-train conducting when you had actual news. RORY: You had news. Stars hollow smells like pickles. I can completely see that scrolling along the CNN crawl. LORELAI: Logan in town is totally pre-pickle news. How long is he here for? RORY: 6 1/2 more hours. He flew in yesterday, bought a company, and he's flying back out tonight. LORELAI: Oh my God, what are you guys gonna do with your precious remaining hours? Or don't I want to know? RORY: Mom! LORELAI: Well, because you might be farming rutabagas or something, and I wouldn't want to know 'cause -- boring. RORY: Well, tonight I'm meeting him in Manhattan to celebrate. LORELAI: Fancy restaurant? RORY: Rutabaga farm, actually. Oh, but I'm sorry about dinner. I did not mean to abandon you in your time of need. LORELAI: No worries I'm not gonna be defenseless. I'm bringing your dad. RORY: Really? Wow! LORELAI: Yeah, thought it was time he meet the parents. RORY: Okay, that is pre-pickle news, my friend. LORELAI: Oh, this conversation's been a disaster, hasn't it? RORY: Yes, it has. LORELAI: All right. Bring-bring. Hi, Rory. How are you? RORY: Hi, mom. Logan's in town. LORELAI: Oh, my goodness. That's wonderful. RORY: We're farming rutabagas. LORELAI: Oh, you're a filthy child. I will disown you. Bringing your father to dinner. Pickles, pickles, pickles, smell, pickle-train conducting. RORY: Alas, alack. LORELAI: Good talk. RORY: The best. LORELAI: Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] MANHATTAN RESTAURANT [Rory enters] MAITRE D': Good evening, I'll take that. RORY: [handing over a wrap] Thank you. Um, I'm just meeting someone. Ahoy, my captain of industry! LOGAN: Ace! RORY: Hey, where is your uniform? I was expecting the whole works -- a spiffy hat, shiny shoes, epaulets with scrambled eggs on them. LOGAN: Scrambled eggs on my clothes? What you must think of me. You look gorgeous. RORY: Thanks. [they kiss] LOGAN: Though I was hoping you'd wear a nice little saiLor's middy. You look so cute in a middy. RORY: Oh, I'd love to wear a middy. And a little sailor hat, like the stay puft marshmallow man. LOGAN: Because who doesn't want to date a giant humanoid marshmallow? RORY: I'm so proud of you. LORELAI: Mmm. Come on. Our table's over here. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: Everybody, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Rory. NICK: Such a pleasure, Rory. I'm Nick. RORY: Hi LOGAN: And this is Phillip. PHILLIP: Nice to meet you. RORY: You too. BOBBI: And I'm Bobbi. So, so glad you could join us. RORY: [taken back by the beautiful blond] Bobbi, um...yeah, me too. I'm so glad I could make it. How are you? BOBBI: I'm brilliant, actually. We had quite a day. Shall we order another bottle of champers, boys? LOGAN: Absolutely. BOBBI: Good. I'm parched. [to Rory] Do you drink? RORY: What? Um, yeah, sure. LOGAN: Here. Sit, sit. PHILLIP: Food let's please get food. I haven't eaten since the waffles. NICK: Good god did you eat those? PHILLIP: It would have been rude not to. NICK: You eat anything. You astound me. LOGAN: You're like a human garbage disposal. BOBBI: It's appalling, Phillip. Really it is. You now what you should do, you should go on one of those, um, American reality TV series and showcase your talents. LOGAN: There are these huge waffles at the breakfast this morning. RORY: And Phillip ate them. I'm catching on. NICK: Logan I know we're celebrating, but I'm concerned about our budget for this project. From a strictly economical perspective do we really want to blow everything on feeding Phillip tonight? LOGAN: Somebody's got to crunch the numbers. PHILLIP: It's true. The numbers do not crunch themselves. Ergo, the number cruncher must be fed. [Laughs all round] BOBBI: So, Rory, I've heard so much about you! RORY: [flustered] Oh, yeah? BOBBI: Logan has talked my ear off about you. RORY: Oh, yeah, yeah. Me too. He's talked my ear off about you and all of you. All of you, I mean, I'm practically Van Gogh from my earlessness. BOBBI: Did we order champagne? Logan, your girlfriend must be parched. LOGAN: Oh, excuse me, miss. I think we'd like another bottle, over here please. PHILLIP: Oh, and bring another bread plate. BOBBI: [Gasps, scoffs] You're amazing. NICK: Ridiculous. PHILLIP: I'm hungry. CHRIS' CAR - NIGHT TIME [Music plays] LORELAI: oh, no. You know my rule about hair bands. CHRISTOPHER: My car, my tunes. LORELAI: Really? You're gonna say, "tunes"? CHRISTOPHER: You got a lot of rules, lady. LORELAI: Not a lot. It's just no saying "killer," no saying "whack," no saying "rockin'" or "pimping" or "slamming," capisce? CHRISTOPHER: Fo' shizzle. LORELAI: There's got to be an eject button here somewhere. CHRISTOPHER: How's this for an idea -- weekend away, the two of us? LORELAI: [Gasps] That's great for an idea. Ooh! Ooh! I know the perfect place. CHRISTOPHER: Don't say "Dollywood." Please don't, don't say "Dollywood." LORELAI: The ice hotel. CHRISTOPHER: The what? LORELAI: The ice hotel. It's amazing. I read about it in the travel section. It's a hotel totally made of ice. The roof is ice. The floors are ice. The chairs are ice. Chandeliers are ice. CHRISTOPHER: I think I'm beginning to get the picture. Wouldn't it be amazing if you went down the hall and the ice machine was empty? LORELAI: It is amazing. CHRISTOPHER: Amazingly cold. LORELAI: No. You get to wear parkas and fur hats. CHRISTOPHER: "Get to"? LORELAI: And you sleep under reindeer skins. You eat reindeer meat. CHRISTOPHER: Again, "get to"? LORELAI: You drink Vodka. That's a good "get to." CHRISTOPHER: Hey, how's this for an idea? We can drink vodka in Bermuda. LORELAI: [Chuckles] The ice hotel in Bermuda would totally melt. CHRISTOPHER: We'll do two weekends away. First the ice hotel. Then once we've been treated for frostbite and had our stomachs pumped of reindeer meat, we'll go defrost on a beach somewhere. I mean, we've got the time. Gigi's gonna be in Paris for a couple of months. LORELAI: [Sighs] CHRISTOPHER: What? You're not down with the whole beach thing? LORELAI: No, it's...more the whole Paris thing. CHRISTOPHER: Yes? LORELAI: I-I'm just... I'm not sure it's such a good idea that Gigi Goes to Paris. CHRISTOPHER: Meaning? LORELAI: Well, she's only 4 years old. She barely even knows Sherry. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, but Sherry's her mother. LORELAI: A mother she hasn't seen in two years. CHRISTOPHER: Look, Sherry's doing really well. You read her letter. And I think I've been doing a really good job with Gigi LORELAI: Oh, honey. Amazing. CHRISTOPHER: But it's hard, you know? I-it's -- it's really hard, and Gigi needs her mom. And if I can help bring them both back together, I-I-I want to do that. I have to do that. LORELAI: I know, I get that. I just -- I think maybe you should put a little more thought into it, you know, before you send a toddler on an airplane with an 18-year-old nanny who's totally psyched to go to France. CHRISTOPHER: The nanny's 25. LORELAI: Oh, oh, okay, then. CHRISTOPHER: Like the nanny's really your problem here. LORELAI: Well, I mean, it's not an un-problem, you know? I think you should just consider it more carefully or maybe go yourself. CHRISTOPHER: Look, I read her letter -- LORELAI: oh, my god! Enough! Enough with the letter already. GILMORE MANSION [They pull up at the Gilmore mansion and get out of the car.] CHRISTOPHER: I get it. LORELAI: What do you get? CHRISTOPHER: This is about you being threatened by Sherry. LORELAI: Oh, no. Give me a break. CHRISTOPHER: You never liked her. LORELAI: No, I didn't, but I don't like the new mailman either. Doesn't mean I'm threatened by him. This is about me thinking I could speak openly and honestly about my concerns without getting freaked out on. CHRISTOPHER: Nice. Real nice. LORELAI: Honey, what is going on with you? CHRISTOPHER: What's going on with you, Lor? LORELAI: Look, can we drop this, please, and try and have a nice evening? CHRISTOPHER: It's dropped. [They door opens] EMILY: Well, hello, hello! Richard, they're here. Don't you two look marvelous? Well, don't just stand there. Come in, come in. MANHATTAN - RESTAURANT LOGAN: It was the way he kept saying "intellectual property." Each time he said it I could feel the whole deal just slipping through our fingers. PHILLIP: He was like, "intellectual property, intellectual property." LOGAN: "Which is like my property, my property, my property." BOBBI: "I invented it, I invented it." NICK: "We won't sell, We won't sell." LOGAN: "And it's slipping, slipping." PHILLIP: I'm looking at Nick trying to convey through subtle dilations of my pupils that we simply cannot offer any more money. NICK: And I'm looking at Phillip who's looking at me like, like he's hopped up on some sort of methamphetamine. LOGAN: Slipping, slipping, and it looks like we lost him, and then Bobbi. PHILLIP: Bobbi makes a bold choice. NICK: What does she do? LOGAN: She just stands up. NICK: She does. PHILLIP: She just stands up! RORY: Wow. LOGAN: She stands up like she can't take it anymore, and she says, "meeting's over, boys." RORY: That must have been crazy. NICK: It was amazing. I'm sitting here, and she's here, and she stands up. And I look over, and all I see is legs, legs, legs and this look on her face like "ohh, no." It was brilliant Do it, Bobbi. Stand up. BOBBI: Knock it off. LOGAN: Come on, Bobbi. [to Rory] You got to see this. PHILLIP: But we insist. NICK: Please? BOBBI: Fine. But just to shut you lot up. I suppose it was something like, um... [gets up] ...meeting's over, boys. NICK: Whoo! LOGAN: Whoo! Well done! Amazing Hu! NICK: We need another bottle! PHILLIP: And dessert. Don't we need a little sweet or something? BOBBI: So, Rory, we've barely had the opportunity to speak all night. RORY: I know. BOBBI: How's school? What's your major? RORY: English. BOBBI: Oh, god, how fantastic. I swear when I was at oxford, I did nothing but read literature. It was such a luxury. RORY: That's one way to look at it. BOBBI: Oh, I long for those days. Just reading books, thinking. RORY: I do like thinking. BOBBI: Enjoy it while it lasts. Before you know it, you'll be out in the real world, with the rest of us poor sods. RORY: Seems like you manage to have some fun. BOBBI: Well Logan is a big part of that. He is such a laugh. RORY: He's actually a lot more serious than you might think. It probably takes a long time to get to know that side of him, the serious side. BOBBI: Oh, you two are so adorable. RORY: Thanks. PHILLIP: Hey, not so fast! We're still working on getting the next round. Another sloe gin fizz, please. Oh, and don't get too excited, fellas. I'm just going to the loo. LOGAN: Yes! That's it! NICK: Amazing! Magnificent! PHILLIP: We fold, we fold. Thank you, thank you very much. And feel free to say all sorts of cheeky things about me while I'm gone. LOGAN: Isn't she a riot? RORY: Hilarious. GILMORE MANSION - DINNING ROOM [Dinner is under way, Chris and Lorelai do not look pleased with each other.] RICHARD: Well, naturally I thought they were referring to the archduke. So I jumped in, as who wouldn't? With some thoughts about the various conspiracy theories surrounding his infamous assassination in Sarajevo. Imagine my surprise when I learned that Franz Ferdinand was the name of a very popular rock-'n'-roll band. EMILY: [Laughs] That's what he gets for trying to fraternize after class with his students. RICHARD: One of them even offered to burn a CD for me. [Chuckles] EMILY: So, tell me. How are the salads? LORELAI: Good, mom. CHRISTOPHER: I like the pear. EMILY: Do you? CHRISTOPHER: Umm. EMILY: I'm so glad. RICHARD: Tastes very fresh. EMILY: Well, pears this time of year can dress up any salad. Oh, Richard, did you tell them about midterms? Lorelei, did your father mention midterms? LORELAI: No, he didn't. How were midterms, dad? RICHARD: Well as you know, midterms separate the wheat from the chaff. Although I don't actually have to grade any of their papers or tests. They have these marvelous teaching assistants that handle all that sort of things for you. EMILY: Thank you, Hildegard. Christopher, I hope you like lamb. When I found out you were coming I decided we had to serve something special. And to me, special means lamb. Oh, it just makes me so happy to see the two of you sitting here together. It's so much fun. CHRISTOPHER: It's very nice to be here. EMILY: Tennis! RICHARD: Emily? EMILY: That's one of the things we can do together as a foursome, now that Lorelei and Christopher are an item. RICHARD: That's right. We do need new people for doubles. EMILY: We've been playing with that awful Bunny Ferguson and her husband, whatever his name is. RICHARD: They are dreadful. EMILY: The way Bunny Ferguson grunts -- oh! I mean, it's one thing if you're Maria Sharapova and you're 120 pounds and a 7-foot blond teenager. But if you're 5'3"... RICHARD: And 53... EMILY: and wearing plaid -- did you see that skirt she wore the last time we played them? RICHARD: I can only think that it was designed to cause some sort of optic misfunction. EMILY: So then you'll play with us? Lorelei? LORELAI: Hmm? Yes, fine, great. EMILY: It's a date. How does the Saturday after next work for everyone? LORELAI: Sure. EMILY: Ah, here's the lamb. You do like lamb Christopher? I'm afraid I never let you answer. CHRISTOPHER: I do, the funny thing is, I never did when I was a kid, but I do now. I guess I've changed. People do that sometimes. LORELAI: [Scoffs] EMILY: That's so true. What a clever observation. It's like you and radishes. RICHARD: Exactly. EMILY: Your father used to hate radishes, thought they were discussing. RICHARD: Well, they are roots. It's a little unappealing. EMILY: And then one summer in aspen, he fell off a horse, and suddenly he loved radishes. That whole summer, he was radish-crazy. RICHARD: It's true. I do like radishes to this day. LORELAI: That's funny. EMILY: Isn't it? LORELAI: Yes. I don't like radishes. I guess it's because I find them threatening. EMILY: What a peculiar thing to say. LORELAI: Well radishes are a peculiar topic. RICHARD: All right. Since this is a special occasion of sorts, I should like to propose a toast. To many more nights like this, and to Lorelei and Christopher. Who knew 20-some-odd years ago that we would be making dates to play doubles tennis? EMILY: And bridge. You absolutely have to join us for bridge. RICHARD: You two have come a long way since your days of rebellious youth, shall we say? EMILY: Derelicts. The word is derelicts. RICHARD: Emily! To Lorelei and Christopher. [They toast and drink] EMILY: They were derelicts. It's true. Remember when they stole that bottle of wine you'd been saving for 15 years? RICHARD: Well, 10 years. It was a '75 Margot. EMILY: And they had no idea how to use a corkscrew, so they just cracked the top off with a brick and slurped what they could off the patio. RICHARD: And look at them now. All grown up and drinking very nicely out of glasses. LORELAI: [To Chris] I need to see you in the bathroom. CHRISTOPHER: Fine. Excuse me. BATHROOM CHRISTOPHER: [Sighs] Uh, would you mind telling me what the hell... LORELAI: you're not Sherry. CHRISTOPHER: Excuse me? LORELAI: You've changed, Chris. CHRISTOPHER: What are you talking about? LORELAI: Maybe we were derelicts back then. But we were 16. We were just kids. You were just a kid. CHRISTOPHER: So? LORELAI: So, you leaving Rory when you were 16 is not at all the same as Sherry, a grown woman, packing up and living Gigi So I get why you we upset with me. Because when I'm criticizing Sherry, you feel like I'm criticizing you. But I'm -- I wasn't. I'm not. You've changed. You're not 16. You're not a kid. You're not Sherry. I get it. CHRISTOPHER: Wow, you get it. That's great, Lor. Thanks for telling me how I feel. [Chris leaves] MANHATTAN STREET LOGAN: You tired? RORY: I'm good. LOGAN: I could always have the car come pick us up at the corner. RORY: I'm fine. LOGAN: Hey, I know. I could carry you. RORY: Carry me? LOGAN: Yeah, piggyback, fireman's carry, in both arms -- your choice. RORY: No. [Chuckles] I'm really fine. LOGAN: Wow, okay. So, I guess something's really wrong. RORY: Just because I don't want to be fireman carried doesn't mean that something is wrong. LOGAN: But something is wrong. RORY: No, it's just... LOGAN: Just? RORY: This isn't exactly what I expected tonight. I was just a little confused, I guess. You called. You were so excited. You said, "celebrate." I thought it was gonna be just us. LOGAN: Last night was just us. RORY: I know, and it was also perfect and romantic. And the more I talk about it, the more I feel stupid for even bringing this up. LOGAN: Look, I'm sorry I wasn't clear on the phone. I'm sorry that you didn't have a good time tonight. RORY: Well, no, it's not that. I mean, I get it. The guys are great. Okay. But, technically Bobbi, well, she's not exactly a guy. LOGAN: Yeah, you got me there. RORY: And until about three hours ago, I thought that she was a guy. You know why? Because you never use personal pronouns -- "she," "her." I mean, would that have been so unbelievably difficult to fit into a conversation? I don't know about you, but most of the Bobby's I know are guys -- Bobby Kennedy, Bobby Brady, Bobby Knight, Bobby Brown. You're smiling at me. Why are smiling at me? LOGAN: Because you are very cute when you're jealous. RORY: I'm not jealous. LOGAN: Rory. RORY: Oh, and it's not just that. I mean, it was everything. It was not feeling like I was included. I mean, no one all night asked me anything about me. LOGAN: Bobbi asked you about you. RORY: Yeah, and how condescending was she? [Imitating Bobbi] "It's such a luxury to read literature." And did you hear what she called us? "Adorable." She called us an adorable couple. LOGAN: Wait, she said that out loud? RORY: Yes, adorable. LOGAN: Wow, you want me to go back there and kick her ass? RORY: "Adorable" is what you say about a "full house" rerun. It's not what you say about something that lasts. The great wall of china, the pyramids -- no one ever called them "adorable." And excuse me, but how many times does a girl need to stand up at dinner? Yes, you have legs. We get it. "Oh, no, I'm not leaving. I'm just going to the loo." Here's a tip. You're in America now. Speak English. LOGAN: Okay so just to clarify, in the future, you would prefer I work only with girls who have no legs. RORY: You're not taking me seriously. LOGAN: Because you're not being serious. Bobbi is my colleague. She's great at what she does. She's smart. She's talented. Nick has great legs, too. Maybe before you rush to judgment, you should check his out. RORY: Great so now I'm not just an idiot, I'm an anti-feminist idiot, an anti-feminist who's standing here in the street arguing about things I don't really want to be arguing about. LOGAN: You don't? RORY: No. Do you think I like feeling this way? I mean, I haven't seen you for months and months, and now you're in town for what? 26 hours? And in that time, I can't just get happy and act like a fruit fly? LOGAN: Mayfly. RORY: I can't just live in the moment and enjoy the 26 great hours ahead of me? I have to be sulky and miserable while all the other fruit flies share private jokes with my boyfriend? You think I like this about myself? Wrong. I hate myself for being this way. I hate Bobbi for her professionally tweezed eyebrows and her oh-so-incredible ability to stand up at a moment's notice. And most of all, I hate the fact that in a few seconds you'll be in that car leaving me again. LOGAN: That is a hell of a long way to go just to say, "I miss you." RORY: Any thoughts in response? LOGAN: I miss you, too, Ace. RORY: Five words. You only used five words. LOGAN: Yeah, well, I'm not done yet. [they start to kiss] GILMORE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM [Chris and Lorelai look bored] EMILY: Of course, this time of year, so many people start playing that awful winter tennis with the chicken-wire cages and the heated courts. RICHARD: Platform tennis can be very enjoyable, Emily. EMILY: Yes, but it looks ridiculous, like glorified ping-pong. If I wanted to play ping-pong, I would -- well, if I wanted to play ping-pong, I would kill myself. RICHARD: Well, I hope you're still good with a racket, Christopher. Lorelei was always hopeless. As a child, we took her to an ophthalmologist to test her depth perception. He could find no rational reason for it. CHRISTOPHER: [Ignoring Richard and speaking to Lorelai.] I know I'm not Sherry. EMILY: I'm sorry. Did he serve you Sherry? Richard there has been some mistake, Christopher's drink was supposed to be port. CHRISTOPHER: [To Lorelai] Come to Paris with me. LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: You were right. I should take Gigi myself, check everything out. EMILY: Check what out? RICHARD: Paris. I think they want to check out Paris. CHRISTOPHER: Come on. You can't say "no." I mean, you can, but don't, and maybe there's even a Parisian ice hotel we can stay in. LORELAI: Yes. I mean, no, there is no ice hotel. But I'll stay in one made of stone or bricks or whatever Paris hotels are made of. CHRISTOPHER: We can blast the air-conditioning and drink all the vodka you want. EMILY: What on earth... LORELAI: Tat sounds great. EMILY: What happened when you went to the powder room? One minute, we're sitting here having dessert. And the next, you're talking about Paris. LORELAI: Well, Chris and I are going to Paris. CHRISTOPHER: In just a couple of weeks, actually. I'm so sorry Emily we're gonna have to take a rain check on that tennis date. LORELAI: Yeah, till the 12th of never 'cause we wouldn't play tennis or golf or bridge or any game that could be played in a foursome -- except hangman and sometimes Pictionary. EMILY: What has gotten into you? You were being so pleasant. LORELAI: Mmm, what is this? This looks good. EMILY: "What is it"? I told you 20 minutes ago. It's Rhubarb pie. LORELAI: Hmm. Is it still Rhubarb pie? EMILY: I swear I was having the most wonderful time. LORELAI: Is Rhubarb a root, dad? RICHARD: No. [Rory enters the room] RORY: Hi, everyone. LORELAI: Honey! RORY: Hello. CHRISTOPHER: Hey. RORY: Am I late? EMILY: Of course not, Rory. LORELAI: You're just in time for Rooty Rhubarb pie, and for the viewing of mom's mug shot. EMILY: Rory, stop her. RORY: I'm sure you look very nice, grandma. CHRISTOPHER: You are very photogenic, Emily. LORELAI: Ooh! What am I saying? I have pictures on my phone. Gather 'round the phone, everybody. [Richard gets up] EMILY: Richard, what are you doing? Oh, nothing. Nothing. Oh! [Chuckles] These new phones are amazing. RORY: Are those handcuffs? Grandma, are you wearing handcuffs? EMILY: I certainly was not. CHRISTOPHER: No they gave her one of those ankle things with like a chain and cannonball on the end. EMILY: Christopher! LORELAI: Oh and the stripy outfit, tell Rory how they made you wear the stripy outfit, mom. [Laughs] RICHARD: Oh! CHRISTOPHER'S CAR [Chris finds some music, Jewel "Who Will Save Your Soul"] LORELAI: No. [Changes the music, Slade "Come On feel The Noize"] RORY: No. [Changes it again.] LORELAI & RORY: No! CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] [Changes it again, Jay and the Americans "Come a Little Bit Closer"] LORELAI & RORY: Yeah, yeah, yeah! LORELAI: Stop there! [Lorelai looks happy, as does Chris and Rory, As the enter Stars Hollow they all smell the pickles again "Ugh. [Coughs]"]
doc_164	[Salvatore's house] (Caroline is sitting on the couch. Damon gives her a glass of blood) Damon: Here Caroline: I'm still shaking (She drinks. Stefan arrives) Stefan: What happened? Damon: go ahead, tell him. You're gonna love this Caroline: I saw Katherine today Stefan: Where? Caroline: At the grill. I just stopped by to gawk and... 'cause I stuck Matt [Mystic Grill] (Caroline tells them the story. She's looking at Matt) Matt: Do you need a table? Caroline: No, I'm not staying. I just needed to use the little girls' room Damon: Skip the teen drama and get Caroline: Then I had to pretend to use the bathroom even though I didn't really have to go because I'm defies (Caroline is in the bathroom. She's washing her hands when Katherine arrives. She poses as Elena) Caroline: Elena? Katherine: Hey, I saw you with Matt, are you okay? Caroline: Yeah, you know... whatever (She rushes over Katherine. Katherine smiles) Katherine: You're good. What gave me away? Was it the hair? Or was it my clothe? Caroline: I know Elena is... I know Elena's at home Katherine: I need you to deliver a message Stefan: What was the message? Katherine: Tell Damon and Stefan that I want the moonstone or I will rip this town apart until it rains blood Damon: Tell him the rest of it Katherine: Tonight, at the masquerade ball [Salvatore's house] Stefan: She wants to do it in public. Killing Mason threw off her guard Damon: She's running scared. What she did to Jenna was desperate. She's out of tricks Stefan: We can't underestimate her. We have to play this smarter than her Caroline: Can we just give her the moonstone so she'll leave? Damon: No, Katherine's not getting dick. I'm gonna go to the masquerade ball and I'm gonna kill her, tonight Stefan: You're not gonna kill her Damon: Don't give me that goody goody crap Stefan: You're not gonna kill her Damon: Really? Stefan: Because I am [Gilbert's house] (Jenna is coming from the hospital. Jeremy, Matt and Elena are helping her) Matt: Easy. Grab the door Jer Jenna: Hey, stop fussing, I'm fine Elena: The doctors said that you have to take it easy Jeremy: Yeah, you don't want to rip your stiches, hemorrhage and die, alright? Jenna: yeah, the only thing I'm gonna die from is embarrassment Matt: No Jenna: I walked into a knife. How does somebody do that? Elena: It is a freak accident Jeremy: Yeah, it happens Matt: Yeah, I mean I've done it like 20 times at the grill (Jenna laughs) Matt: Okay, I'm being nice (They put her on the couch) Matt: What should I do with this? Elena: I got it (He gives her a bag with food. Matt stays with Jenna. Elena goes in the kitchen. Jeremy follows her) Jeremy: So what are we gonna do? Elena: Make lunch Jeremy: No, about Katherine Elena: We're not gonna do anything, Jeremy Jeremy: She tried to kill Jenna. We can't let her get away with that Elena: yes we can. If it keeps us safe then we can Jeremy: And what if she tries something else? Elena: She won't. Katherine hurt Jenna because I didn't do what she said. I'm not doing it now, me and Stefan are over. She wins, the end Jeremy: You are being naïve and you know it (He leaves) Elena: Where are you going? Jeremy: Out. I'll be back [Katherine's bedroom] (Katherine enters the bedroom. She's carrying a shopping bag. Mrs. Flowers is helping her) Mrs. Flowers: Where should I put these? Katherine: Right there. Thank you, Mrs. Flowers. You've been such a wonderful help Mrs. Flowers: Oh, it's my pleasure dear. Let me know if there anything else I can do Katherine: I will (She takes a dress from one of the bags. A woman is in the bedroom. Katherine rushes over her and pushes her against the wall) Lucy: Oh, Kat, chill Katherine: Do not snick up on a vampire Lucy: Don't attack a witch. It's good to see you girl (Katherine embraces her) Katherine: I'm glad you made up Lucy: You called, I came Katherine: Like you had a choice Lucy: Don't get all boss lady on me. You know I love you (She takes a mask from one of the bag) Lucy: Now, where does one where this? Katherine: To a masquerade ball. Tonight. You want to be my date? [Salvatore's house] (Caroline opens the door to Bonnie) Caroline: Hey, come on in Bonnie: I got Stefan's message Stefan: Hey, you brought the grimoire, thank you (She sees Damon and Alaric talking and she sees that there is a lot a weapon on the table) Bonnie: What's going on? (Jeremy arrives) Jeremy: We're gonna kill Katherine Stefan: I can explain Bonnie: Please Stefan: We're gonna kill Katherine (Alaric shows the weapon to everybody) Alaric: This works with compressed air. The trigger mechanism is up here. I have two of these in a different size. For you I recommend this. It feats nicely under the jacket sleeve. You use the trigger when you're ready (He fakes killing vampire. Damon and Stefan look at each other) Alaric: He wanted me to show him how to kill a vampire [Katherine's bedroom] (Katherine is smoothing down her hair) Lucy: What's with the hair? Katherine: I'm impersonating my dullest dishwater doppelganger Elena. She has the worst taste Lucy: Except in man. Isn't a risk pretending to be her in front of the entire town? Katherine: I've gotten quite good at it actually and everyone's gonna be in masks. It's for some fid, something charity. It's for a good cause Lucy Lucy: Hum, okay. Well, have you actually seen the moonstone before? I always thought it was some made up legend Katherine: I have seen it and I need you to help me get it back Lucy: Oh yeah? What are you gonna do with it? (Katherine looks uncomfortable) Lucy: you want me to break the curse Katherine: Let's just get it first. All i need from you is for a backup. I can't imagine that Damon and Stefan are just gonna hand it over without putting up a fight [Salvatore's house] (Bonnie is talking with Stefan) Bonnie: I know you love Elena and you want to be with her but it's risky. Too many people could get hurt Stefan: Look, I want Elena back, yes but it's more than that. What Katherine did to Jenna crossed the line. She has to be stopped before it happens again Bonnie: I don't know, Stefan Stefan: Look, Katherine knows me, right? She knows that I'm not gonna try something in a crowd full of innocent people so that gives me an edge. I could get to her by surprise Bonnie: I could do a spell to trap her, like the tomb spell Stefan: Right. We can isolate her, away from the others. Please Bonnie Bonnie: Okay [Gilbert's house] (Elena and Matt are talking. Matt is leaving) Elena: You're welcome to hang out. Alaric's coming over. It's gonna be pizza and bad TV Matt: I'd love to but I'm going to the masquerade party at the Lockwood's, aren't you? Elena: Uh, no... not with what's going on with me and Stefan Matt: I've got to go, there's something I got to do Elena: What? Matt: Just something, I can't talk about it but I've got to go Elena: Okay. Well, have fun Matt: Yeah. Me and a suit Elena: You look good in a suit Matt: You and Stefan are working it out Elena: I don't think so, Matt. There's so much about me and Stefan that'll never work Matt: You know I'm here for you always (She embraces him) [Salvatore's house] (Everyone is in the living room) Alaric: Are you sure you guys don't want me there tonight? Stefan: No, I need you to stay with Elena. I don't want her to know about this Alaric: Okay. Well, I'll make sure she doesn't leave my side Stefan: Alright, if anyone wants to back out, I'll understand Damon: Yeah. Cold feats speak now. I don't want this going wrong with someone chicken's out. Caroline? Caroline: I won't. Look, she killed me. Fair's fair. As long there's no werewolf running around Damon: Oh, I took care of Mason Jeremy: As long as Tyler doesn't kill anyone, he won't turn Stefan: Bonnie? Are you with this? (Long pause) Bonnie: But no one gets hurt Damon: Except Katherine. Tonight Katherine gets a stake through her heart [Lockwood Mansion] (It's the masquerade ball. Everyone is wearing masks. Tyler is in his father's office. Carol rejoins her) Carol: It's already packed out there. You know, we need to keep that door shot. Your father would be very unhappy if I let gests in here (Tyler gets up. He's wearing a suit) Carol: Oh, look at you! So handsome Tyler: Thanks. You look pretty good too mom Carol: Oh a compliment. I think I'll fall over Tyler: Listen, I'm sorry I've been a dick lately... a jerk lately. It's just... Have you heard from Mason? Carol: No and I don't think we're going to. He's coming, he's going, it's just his way. He's the exact opposite of your father Tyler: We should have cancel this party Carol: This all masquerade theme was his idea. I don't know what it has to do with helping the homeless but once he made up his mind, he could really be a dick, a jerk. But I loved him and I know you did too. It's natural to feel abandoned. I just don't want you to feel alone Tyler: Come on, put your mask on. Let's just go out there and pretend to have some fun Carol: I think I need a cocktail first (Katherine and Lucy arrive. They're going to different ways. Katherine takes a strawberry from a plate and falls into Matt) Matt: Elena? Katherine: Matt? You look dashing Matt: I thought you said you weren't coming Katherine: I couldn't miss it. You really are hot in a suit. I would love to just... Okay, here's the deal (She compels him) Katherine: Do you know what you have to do? Matt: I'm gonna get Tyler Lockwood really drunk. I'm going to start a fight with him and I'm gonna beat him until he snaps Katherine: and then? Matt: I won't stop until he kills me Katherine: God, you're hot. Now go away Matt: Thank you (He leaves) (Damon and Stefan are outside. They look around) Damon: Do you see her? Stefan: Nope. You're sure you can do this? Damon: Who are you talking to? Stefan: Oh, I had the chance to kill her and I hesitated Damon: Well that is the forkenate road between you and me my friend. I don't hesitate Stefan: You spent 145 years loving her, it could happen Damon: I won't hesitate Stefan: Okay (Matt and Tyler are in his father's office with Aimee and Sarah. The girls are dancing. The boys are drinking) Tyler: We're really not supposed to be here Matt: Yeah, I know but we really need to turn this party up. Another shot? Aimee: Hey, I want a shot Sarah: Me too and then we have to dance Aimee: Yes Tyler: You know, usually it's me corrupting you. I like this (They drink) Aimee: Okay, let's go party. Come on (Aimee puts her mask on. They leave the office) (Jeremy is carrying a bag. He and Bonnie are going upstairs. They enters into an empty room) Jeremy: I thought this room could work Bonnie: It's perfect (Jeremy takes a weapon from the bag. Bonnie seats down and takes the grimoire) Jeremy: Is that the spell book I read about in my family's old journal? Bonnie: it's my ancestor, Emily's. The spell I'm doing here is similar to the one that sealed the vampires into the tomb (She opens it. Jeremy puts the bag in the closet) Jeremy: Can you do all the stuff that's in there? Bonnie: I mean it takes practice. I've worked on some small spells. Spells that only do good. I don't want to know too much. I don't particularly enjoy any of this, in case you haven't noticed Jeremy: Yeah but you're 100% witch, that is so cool Bonnie: it's anything but cool. Did your family's journal tell you what happened to Emily? Or what about my gram's? It never ends well for people like me Jeremy: If you feel that way, why help? Bonnie: Because I don't want anyone else getting hurt and I don't know how to stay out of it [Gilbert's house] (Jenna is on the couch. Elena is with her) Jenna: I feel like an invalid Elena: That's because you are invalid. Where's Jeremy? Isn't he hungry? Jenna: He already left for the Lockwood party Elena: He went to that? Jenna: Yeah, I'm glad. He needs to have more fun. Lose some of that emo thing Elena: I'm gonna get some napkins (She goes into the kitchen and rejoins Alaric) Elena: what's going on? Alaric: What do you mean? Elena: I haven't heard from anyone all day. It's like everyone's been avoiding me and now Jeremy's supposedly at the party? He hates stuff like that Alaric: I don't know what to tell you, Elena (His phone rings. She tries to catch it but he catches it and puts it in his pocket) Elena: So then it'll be okay if I just head down, try to meet up with everyone Alaric: Wait, wait, wait Elena: What are you hiding, Rick? Alaric: Stefan asked me to keep an eye on you, just in case Katherine showed up while he was at the party Elena: So Stefan's at the party too? He would never go to the party for himself; he did that stuff for me Alaric: Just let this one go. Okay Elena? [Lockwood Mansion] (Bonnie and Jeremy are going back to the party) Bonnie: We need to let Stefan and Damon know the room's ready (Suddenly she stops) Bonnie: Do you feel that? Jeremy: What's the matter? Are you cold? Bonnie: No (She sees Lucy and goes toward her) Bonnie: Excuse me, do I know you? Lucy: No, I'm a plus one, I know no one but it's a great party though (She leaves. Bonnie rejoins Jeremy) Jeremy: Are you okay? Bonnie: I just got a weird vibe. Let's find Damon (Stefan is on the dance floor, alone. He sees Katherine going down the stairs) Katherine: Dance with me Stefan: No Katherine: Fine then tell me who I should kill. Him? Hum, she looks delicious (She eats a strawberry. Stefan offers her his arm. She follows him and they dance) Katherine: It's a beautiful night Stefan: Why all that charade? Katherine: How's Jenna? I certainly didn't expect her to survive that. Lucky girl. Clumsy. How does one stabs oneself? Stefan: Katherine? Katherine: Uh? Stefan: I don't want anyone to get hurt tonight Katherine: Okay. Then give me the moonstone and nobody will Stefan: Well, you see, I don't have the moonstone on me. So, you and I will have to go get it together Katherine: Hmm. I have a better plan. You go fetch it and I will try not to kill anyone in the meantime Stefan: My way or you don't get it (Aimee arrives) Aimee: Hey Stefan, I can't find Matt. Oh my god Elena! You look so pretty. I love that dress. You look gorge Katherine: Thank you. I love your necklace Aimee: Oh, thanks Katherine: Oh it's twisted. Let me, here we go (She goes behind Aimee and she broke her back) Katherine: Paralyzed from the waist down and dead (She kills her and throws Aimee's body in Stefan's arms) Katherine: The moonstone, Stefan. Tic-tac [Gilbert's house] Elena: Hey guys, I'm gonna go to bed. You're good over there? Jenna: Good night Elena: Good night (She takes her car's keys and leave) [Lockwood Mansion] (Stefan and Damon are in an empty room) Stefan: I put the body in the trunk for now Damon: We'll dump her when we get back Stefan: This is exactly why I didn't want it, Damon Damon: Stefan, it's a collateral damage Stefan: Right, which is why we need to cut it off Damon: What? Who's hesitating now? Hey! Don't do this to me! This woman ruined our lives, she destroyed us! Tonight it ends. We can do it together. I got your back. Alright? Stefan: Alright (Bonnie and Jeremy are waiting for the signal) Jeremy: So can you use like a hocus pocus to pass a test? Bonnie: I don't know that spell Jeremy: It'd be like the first one I'd learn or maybe like a spell s*x or something. I don't know. Do you want to dance or something while we're waiting? Bonnie: No! I mean no thank you (Jeremy receives a message from Damon telling him that it's his turn) (Katherine is walking. Lucy rejoins her) Lucy: You didn't tell me there was another witch here Katherine: Didn't i? Lucy: No, you didn't. No one is supposed to know I'm involved. This changes things, Katherine Katherine: This changes nothing. You're here because you owe your dear friend a favor. You wouldn't want to lose my friendship now, would you? (Jeremy arrives) Jeremy: Elena (He removes his mask and looks at Lucy) Jeremy: Hey sorry, could I talk to my sister? (She leaves) Katherine: What is it Jeremy? Jeremy: I have a message from Stefan (She looks surprised) Katherine: Oh? Jeremy: He and Damon want you to meet them at the edge of the lake by the woods. They brought the moonstone Katherine: And why are you their little messenger? Jeremy: Because they know I'm not afraid of you Katherine: Hmm, you Gilbert men, so courageous. How's John by the way? Were they able to sew his fingers back on? (She touches his tie, looks at him and leaves. Jeremy is texting to Damon but Elena catches his arm) Elena: What the hell is going on? (Caroline is inside. She sees Matt with Sarah and Tyler. He stops, looks at her and leaves with them. She receives a text from Jeremy telling her that it's her turn. She's walking in an empty part of the manor. She's going to open a door but Katherine arrives, catches Caroline's wrist and pushes her against the wall) Katherine: What are Stefan and Damon up to? Caroline: What do you mean? Katherine: I've got Jeremy Gilbert luring me into the lake. What's going on? Caroline: I don't know... nothing (She strangles her) Katherine: Don't lie to me, Caroline. They're up to something, what is it? Caroline: I... (She strangles her stronger) Caroline: Wait, no, no, no! Okay. They're trying to kill you Katherine: I wouldn't have guessed. Where is the moonstone? Caroline: Bonnie has it Katherine: and where is Bonnie right now? Caroline: I don't know (She strangles her again) Caroline: Okay. She's upstairs, she's upstairs! (She releases her) (Elena is with Jeremy and Bonnie) Elena: You guys are trying to kill her here? Jeremy: We saw an opportunity and we knew we had to take it Elena: Okay, stop with the "we", are you guys crazy? You're gonna get yourselves killed Bonnie: We know what we are doing, Elena Elena: And how am I supposed to feel if one of you guys gets hurt because of me? Jeremy: It's not just you anymore, Elena. She's messed with all of us, she has to be stopped (Katherine is dragging Caroline upstairs) Caroline: Why you keep dragging me into this? I don't want any part of it Katherine: Shut up! (They are in front of a door) Katherine: Which room is it? Caroline: It's that one (She goes into the room. Caroline stays outside) Katherine: Where is she? (Caroline laughs) Caroline: I did it. I really didn't think that I'll be able to fool you but I did it (Katherine rushes over but she can't leave the room. She's trapped) Katherine: What the...? Stefan? (He's in the room too. He has a stake in his hand) Stefan: Hello Katherine Caroline: Goodbye Katherine (She leaves) Katherine: You don't really think that you can kill me with that now, do you? Stefan: No but he can (Damon is coming out the closet, he has the compressed air weapon is his hands. He shots Katherine. The stake goes in her back. At the same time Elena screams. She's hurt like Katherine. Stefan rushes over Katherine and drive the stake through her arm. Elena screams, she's hurt too) Jeremy: What's going on? Bonnie: Jeremy, it's Katherine. She's linked to Katherine, get them to stop! Now! (He leaves. Stefan and Damon are fighting with Katherine. She tries to stake Damon but Stefan catches her by behind, fall in the floor with her and strangles her by behind. She can't move. Damon arrives and is about to kill her but Jeremy arrives) Jeremy: Stop! You're hurting Elena! Everything you're doing to her is hurting Elena (Damon stops. He's surprised. Katherine smiles and gets up) Katherine: You think you two are the only ones with a witch on your side? Wrong and something tells me that my witch is better than your witch (She takes the stake from Damon's hands. Damon and Stefan look at Jeremy) Stefan: Jeremy, go shake on Elena. Make sure she's okay. Go! (Jeremy leaves) Katherine: Let's all make sure poor Elena is okay. Just a little bit of pressure (She cuts her hand with the stake. Elena is hurt too. She screams. Stefan hits Katherine's hand and throws the stake on the floor) Elena: Bonnie, it hurts Bonnie: I can't break the spell, Elena. I'm sorry but I can try to take some of the pain away. Okay? (She takes Elena's hand into hers and makes a spell) Bonnie: Ascinda, mulaf, hinto, ascinda... (Katherine takes the stake and is about to drive it through her stomach) Katherine: This is really gonna hurt Damon: Wait! (She sits down on the couch) Katherine: Okay. So, how about that moonstone? (Bonnie is trying to take Elena's pain away. Jeremy arrives) Jeremy: Are you okay? Elena: Are they? Jeremy: They're stuck in there with her (He looks at Bonnie) Jeremy: You were right; Katherine had a witch that linked Elena to her Bonnie: The girl I saw, the one inside! Stay with her, keep pressure on her shoulder! Jeremy: Where are you going? Bonnie: There's another witch here, I'm gonna find her! (She leaves. Jeremy removes his magical ring and gives it to Elena) Elena: No Jeremy: Take it Elena: No, Jeremy... Jeremy: Elena listen to me: you need this more than I do Elena: No Jeremy. What I need is for you to be safe [SCENE_BREAK] (Katherine, Damon and Stefan are trapped in the room) Katherine: The three of us together just like old times. The brother who loved me too much and the one that didn't love me enough Damon: And the evil slut vampire who only loved herself Katherine: What happened to you Damon? You used to be so sweet and polite Damon: Oh that Damon died a long time ago Katherine: Good. He was a bore Stefan: Oh, why don't you two stop antagonizing each other Katherine: Where is the moonstone? Stefan: What do you want with it? Katherine: Does Elena enjoy having both of you warship at her alter? (Stefan looks at Damon and then looks at her) Stefan: That was really desperate, Katherine. Don't you think that we can see right through you? Katherine: So it doesn't bother you that Damon's in love with your girlfriend? Stefan: Oh, stop it Katherine: Or what? You'll hurt me? (She gets up) Katherine: Come on, Stefan. Everything that I feel, Elena feels , so go ahead (She looks at Damon) Katherine: Or better yet, kiss me Damon. She'll feel that too Stefan: You know, this all Mason thing has me a bit confused. Why a werewolf? The moonstone can break a curse that would help them destroy all vampires so what's in there for you? Damon: Sorry about your pet wolf, you should have been sure to keep him in a tighter leash Katherine: I'll have to remember that for next time. He's not the only wolf in town (Sarah, Tyler and Matt are in Tyler's father's office) Sarah: So what happened to Aimee? Matt: I don't know, she disappeared Tyler: She's probably drunk somewhere Matt: Or like me (He pours the alcohol on the floor) Tyler: Whoa, don't do that Matt: What man? It's a party (He takes the picture of Carol and Richard and looks at it) Matt: Right dad? You know, it's like your dad wants to drink (He pours alcohol on the picture) Tyler: Hey, it's not cool. What's wrong with you? Matt: Come on, the guy was a dick Sarah: Come on, you're being mean. His dad's dead Tyler: Give me the picture! (He tries to catch it but Matt don't let him) Matt: Remember how your dad used to slap you around? (He slaps Tyler) Tyler: Are you kidding? Matt: I'm just having fun Tyler: Put the picture down now man (Matt throws the picture on the floor, breaking it) Tyler: Okay, you need to calm your drunk ass right now! Matt: Do something about it! Tyler: I'm not gonna fight you (Matt rushes over him and throws him on the floor. Matt punches him on the face. Caroline is downstairs, she hears the fight. Tyler gets up and punches Matt. Caroline arrives) Caroline: What is going on? Stop! (She puts herself between them. She pushes throws Matt on the floor. Matt gets up and rushes over Tyler but she stops him) Matt: I can't! Let me go, I have to finish! Tyler: What the hell is going on with you? Matt: Let me go! (Caroline looks at him. Pushes him and punches him on the face with her elbow. He falls on the floor, unconscious. She goes toward him) Caroline: Matt? (Sarah takes a paper knife on the desk) Tyler: How did you? Sarah: Matt failed. If Matt fails, I can't Caroline: Tyler, look out! (Sarah drives the paper knife on his chest. He pushes her, her head hits the desk very hard. She falls in the floor, she's dead. He looks at his wound and rushes over Sarah) Tyler: No, no, no! Come on, wake up! Sarah, open your eyes, wake up! Just can't happen, oh no, it can't happen. This can't be happening! Sarah! Sarah, get up! Sarah! Open your eyes! This can't be happening! (Tyler catches his head and screams) Caroline: Tyler? Tyler?! Tyler, what's happening? (He's sitting on the floor) Tyler: Get away! Caroline: What's happening?! (He raises his head. His eyes are amber) (Damon, Katherine and Stefan are still in the room) Damon: Damn it! Where is that witch? Katherine: We could play charades Stefan: You bargained the moonstone Damon: What do you murmur about over there? Stefan: When you shopped a deal with George Lockwood, to help you fake your death, you told me that you gave George something he needed. It was the moonstone, wasn't it? Katherine: Good for you, Stefan. 2+2... And it would have worked except that people found out that I wasn't in the tomb (She looks at Damon) Katherine: Thanks to you by the way. Have I mentioned how inconvenient your little obsession with me have been? Damon: You and me both, honey Stefan: Why do you need it back? Katherine: I love you in a suit, so dashing Stefan: What were you doing with it in the first place? Damon: You're wasting your breath, Stefan Stefan: Unless it wasn't yours to begin with. In 1864 you faked your death. Who were you running from, Katherine? Katherine: In 1987 you were in Chicago, at a concert of all places with that wrench Lexi. Come on Stefan, don't look so surprise. Of course I checked on you over the years. You were standing in the front row, dancing all night. You were watching Bon Jovi and I was watching you Stefan: Who were you running from? (She tells him that she loves him with her lips) (Bonnie is looking for Lucy. She finally finds her but Lucy leaves. Bonnie goes in the living room to looking for Lucy) Lucy: You're looking for me? Bonnie: Who are you? Lucy: Lucy Bonnie: What are you doing here? Lucy: I should have known I'd run into a Bennett Bonnie: How do you know me? Lucy: You'll figure it out. Look, I have no interest in fighting you Bonnie: Then stop the spell you put on my friend Lucy: Give Katherine the moonstone and I will Bonnie: Why are you helping Katherine? Don't you know what she is? Lucy: Tell your friends to hand over the moonstone and all will be groovy Bonnie: You're not leaving this room until you stop the spell! Lucy: Look, I don't want to hurt you Bonnie: I don't want to hurt you Lucy: Look, I don't have a choice. The bitch saved my life and now I owe her. I have to pay up (Bonnie catches her wrist) Lucy: You have the moonstone. I cans sense it on you (She catches Bonnie's forearms. The room shakes, the light aspens) Lucy: Do you feel that? You can trust me. Give it to me, it's okay (Damon is pouring himself a glass of scotch) Katherine: We're missing the party. I'll have one of those Damon: Right away Miss Katherine (He gives her a glass) Katherine: Thank you (She drinks. He catches her and pushes her against the wall. He tries to stake her but Stefan stops him) Stefan: No, no! Damon, don't! Katherine: Yes, Damon, please Damon: The second the spell is lifted, I'm gonna drive a stake right through your heart Elena: God, you're hot. When did you get so hot? (Lucy arrives. She has the moonstone in her hand) Lucy: Katherine, the spell in this room has been broken, you're free to leave Katherine: Thank god Lucy: When I hand this over my dent to you is over Katherine: Done Lucy: I owe you nothing Katherine: I said done. Give it Damon: I wouldn't do that (She gives her the moonstone. When Katherine touches it, she can't breathe) Lucy: You should have told me another witch was involved. She's a Bennett witch, Katherine but I'm sure you knew that Stefan: Wait, Elena! Lucy: Elena's fine (Katherine falls on the floor) Lucy: The spell is broken. She'll heal quickly, Bonnie's with her (Katherine is suffocating) Lucy: I apologize for my involvement (She leaves. Katherine's unconscious) (Caroline explains to Carol what happened to Sarah) Caroline: Matt and I were fighting, we broke up you know, and Sarah was drunk and dancing and she just tripped. And then she wasn't breathing Carol: Okay, your mom's on her way and we called Sarah's parents. It was an accident. It was a terrible, tragic accident Tyler: Mom, the sheriff's here Carol: I'll go prepare her, just don't leave. Just stay here okay? She's going to want to hear the story from you (She leaves. Caroline is alone with Tyler) Caroline: Matt's in the car, sleeping it off. I'll deal with him; I don't want him involved in any of this Tyler: What are you doing? Caroline: I'm fixing a very bad situation Tyler: Why? I did this. I killed her Caroline: No, you didn't mean to and I think it's best for everyone... Tyler: But she's dead! You don't know what that means Caroline: Actually, Tyler, I think I do Tyler: No, you don't, Caroline Caroline: Has you wound healed? (He looks at his wound. It's healed) Tyler: How did you...? (Lucy is leaving. Bonnie runs after her) Bonnie: Please, wait Lucy: Hey, I'm sorry about that spell. Damn vampires, they put you in the middle of it every time Bonnie: How do I know you? When I gave you the stone, how did I know I could trust you? Lucy: That feeling you got, have you ever felt it before? Bonnie: I mean, around family. My grams Lucy: My mother is Johanna, first cousin twice remove from Pauline, niece of Sheila aka... Bonnie: Grams? We are related? (Lucy smiles) Lucy: Yeah, we kind of are. It's nice to meet you Bonnie. Seeing you tonight was a wakeup call for me. I got to stop letting vampires control me. So thank you for that (She leaves. Bonnie cries and run after her) Bonnie: Please, don't leave! I have so many questions. I don't want to be in the middle either. I hate it. How do I stay out of it? Lucy: Unlike me, you're one of the good ones, Bonnie. The middle of it is exactly where you need to be. You take care cuz'. Don't worry, you'll see me again (She leaves. Jeremy rejoins Bonnie) Jeremy: Hey, I was gonna head home, can I offer you a ride? Are you okay? Bonnie: When did you get your driver's license? Jeremy: I'm not a kid anymore, Bonnie Bonnie: I'd love a ride home (Stefan rejoins Elena. She's alone) Stefan: Elena Elena: I'm okay, I'm okay. Bonnie took away the pain and I think I'm healing Stefan: I know but I think you should definitely see a doctor anyway Elena: I will. I heard about Katherine, is it true? Is she really gone? Stefan: Yeah, I was so worried about you (He goes toward her but she pushes him away) Elena: Stefan... I... Stefan: Katherine being gone doesn't change anything for you, does it? Elena: I want to be with you, Stefan. You know that but first, I need to wake up and know that the people that I love are safe. I need to feel safe. Do you understand? Stefan: Yeah. Yeah, I understand (She looks at him and leaves) [The tomb] (Katherine wakes up. The moonstone is on the floor, next to her. She takes it. She gets up and tries to leave but she's trapped. Damon arrives) Damon: Hello Katherine Katherine: Where am i? Damon: Where you should have been all along. I thought you'd learn your lesson by now, messing with a Bennett witch Katherine: You should have killed me Damon: Death would have been too kind (He goes toward the door, to close it) Katherine: Ni, Damon, don't. Damon, don't. You need me, Elena's in danger. Damon: From whom? (She doesn't answer) Damon: You're lying, you're always lying Elena: Why do you think I haven't killed her? Because she's the doppelganger, she needs to be protected Damon: Then I'll protect her while you rot in hell (He closes the door) Katherine: Damon, don't! I'll do anything, please. Damon! You need me! You need me! (The door is closed; she cries and hit the door very hard) [Lockwood Mansion] (Elena is in the parking lot. She's at the phone with Jeremy) Elena: Yeah Jeremy, I've got my car. Tell Bonnie that whatever she did, I'm starting to feel better. Yeah, you can drive her home. I'm just gonna go straight to bet. Okay (She hangs up. A masked man comes behind her and kidnaps her)
doc_165	"In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young man. His name... Merlin." [SCENE_BREAK] Plains of Denaria (day) A cloaked figure struggles to pull a horse cart along a dusty road. Four nights approach on horseback. Sir Leon: Halt! The cloaked woman stops. Sir Leon: Stay where you are. The woman sets down the cart handles a as the knights dismount, Sir Elyan among them. Sir Leon: Where are you headed?... Morgana: The Seas of Meredor. Sir Leon: What's in the cart?... Morgana says nothing. Sir Leon motions for the spare knights to search it and Morgana turns around. Sir Leon: Lady Morgana. Morgana uses magic to throw each of the knights to the ground. She looks around, pulls off her hood and pulls back a blanket in the cart. Morgana: You're all right? Morgause: Yes, thank you, Sister. But we must hurry. Night is nearly upon us... Morgause turns her face towards Morgana, revealing a hideous deformity to the right side of her face. Morgause: ... And we still have far to go. --- New Opening Credits --- Castle Square Merlin runs through knights and servants and into the Castle. Servants are decorating the castle with vines and Merlin ducks under one of them as he bolts up the Griffin Stairway. Merlin: Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle Kitchens Merlin bumps into more servants and nicks some food off a passing plate. The head cook accosts him with a ladle. Head Cook: What are you doing in my kitchen? Merlin: Uh, the prince's shirt. The cook motions to the line above the stove where the pots are hanging. Head Cook: Keep your dirty fingers off my food, d'you understand? Merlin grabs the shirt and a hook on a string drops down in front of his face. He looks up, confused. Sir Gwaine and Sir Percival are peering down at him with eager and mischievous grins. Gwaine puts a finger to his lips and Merlin laughs. Merlin attaches the hook to one of the roasting chickens and pulls on the string. The knights pull it up to them as Merlin exits hastily. Head Cook: Oi! [SCENE_BREAK] Castle corridors Merlin weaves through bustling servants. A servant with wine pitchers bumps into him and spills it all over Arthur's newly washed shirt. Merlin picks up the stained shirt and stares at it. Sir Lancelot: You could try a bit of salt. Merlin: Arthur is going to kill me. Sir Lancelot: Let's see... Sir Lancelot looks at the shirt. Sir Lancelot: ...You've faced far worse, Merlin. Merlin: He needs it for tonight. Sir Lancelot: I'm sure a man of your talents can think of something. Lancelot lifts his eyebrows knowingly. Lancelot keeps walking and Merlin checks to see no one's looking. Merlin: spellFordwin wamm! Lancelot stops and turns around. Merlin shows him the clean shirt and Lancelot opens his arms as if to say "See, that was easy." The both continue on their way. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chambers Arthur's leaning against his desk and writing, as Merlin enters with his clean white shirt. Merlin: You're dressed. Arthur: Yes, Merlin. I'm not an idiot. Arthur turns around to walk behind his desk. He didn't manage to pull his shirt all the way through his belt in the back and his skin is showing. Merlin sniggers. Merlin: Are you sure about that? Arthur: I beg your pardon? Merlin: It's just that... Arthur: Merlin! Merlin: But you... Arthur: I am trying to write a speech. Merlin: D' you want help? Arthur: No. Merlin: You won't want this, then? Merlin holds up a scroll and Arthur looks up from his desk. Merlin: ... I spent all night working on it. Arthur takes the scroll and looks over it with exaggerated scepticism. Merlin: ... What do you think? Arthur hands it back to Merlin. Arthur: It needs a polish. Merlin: I'll add it to the list. Arthur tosses the speech he was working on. Arthur: Merlin, there aren't many servants who get the chance to write a prince's speech. Obviously it would be too much for you to say, "Thank you." Merlin stares at Arthur for a moment and walks out with his laundry without deigning reply. Arthur smiles. [SCENE_BREAK] Seas of Meredor Morgana helps Morgause limp out of the cart in the foggy wood. Morgause: The Isle of the Blessed. Morgana helps Morgause to the dock. A ferryman waits for them by a longboat. He holds out his hand. Morgause places a coin in it. Morgause: You know where we wish to go. The sisters huddle in the boat, the ferryman at the helm, as it glides across the sea. [SCENE_BREAK] Uther's chambers Uther's hand shakes badly as he lowers his goblet to the table in front of his chair. Gwen enters and watches him with a pitying expression before she approaches him. Gwen: You've not eaten, Sire. Sire? Uther doesn't seem to hear her, lost in his own misery. Gwen takes the tray of untouched food and meets Gaius on her way out. She looks at the potion in Gaius's hand. Gwen: It doesn't seem to make any difference. Gaius: I'm not sure it ever will but at least it gives him peace. Gwen: It's been a year since Morgana betrayed him. Gaius: (nods) His heart is broken and his spirit is gone. Are you joining us for the feast tonight? Gwen: I don't think so. I need to stay with the King. Gaius: You're very good to him, Gwen. Gwen: I don't do it for him; I do it for Arthur. [SCENE_BREAK] Seas of Meredor Morgause and Morgana continue across the sea with the ferryman. [SCENE_BREAK] Council Chamber Sir Leon and Sir Elyan ride into the square and report to Arthur and the Council. Sir Leon: The reports are true, Sire. We caught up with Morgana on the Plains of Denaria. Arthur: Was she alone? Sir Elyan: (shakes head) There was someone else. Arthur: Morgause? Sir Elyan: I couldn't be sure. Agravaine: Where was Morgana heading? Sir Leon: The Seas of Meredor. Gaius: Isle of the Blessed. Agravaine steps into the light. Agravaine: I will send out patrols at first light. Arthur: Thank you, Agravaine. Sir Leon: Sire, you should know her powers have grown. Sir Bertrand and Sir Wontague are both dead. Arthur: Keep me informed of any developments. The councilmen exit. Agravaine remains. Arthur: For months, nothing. Why now? Agravaine: We knew she couldn't stay hidden forever. Today, tomorrow, does it matter? We mustn't live in fear, Arthur. Camelot is strong. If Morgana were to act, we'd be ready for her. Arthur: You're right, of course. I don't know how I'd've got through these last few months without you. Thank you, Uncle. Agravaine: I made a promise to your mother. I'll always be there for you. Arthur nods with a smile and exits [SCENE_BREAK] Isle of the Blessed (night) [SCREECHING] Wyvern shriek as they fly around the fortress as Morgana's boat continues to the isle. [SCENE_BREAK] Banquet Hall Arthur and Agravaine sit on either side of the king's chair at the feast. Arthur stands and the laughter dies down. Arthur: Samhain... It is the time of the year when we feel closest to the spirits of our ancestors. It is a time to remember those we have lost, and to celebrate their passing. [SCENE_BREAK] Isle of the Blessed - Altar Morgause: Samhain is almost upon us. We must hurry. Morgana: I can't do this. Morgause: Sister... Remember what I've told you. It is the only way. What you are about to do will affect everyone, even you. But most importantly, it will bring our enemies to their knees. You must be strong, remember that. Morgause presents Morgana with a dagger. Morgause: ... Do not be scared. Morgana takes the dagger. Morgause: I am not long for this world. There is nothing left for me here now. Morgause weakly climbs onto the altar stone and takes Morgana's hand. Morgause: Please, sister, let my parting be my final gift to you. Morgause lies down on the altar. [SCENE_BREAK] Banquet Hall Arthur raises his glass in a toast. Arthur: To the king. Everyone stands to toast. [GONG CHIMES] [SCENE_BREAK] Isle of the Blessed - Altar Morgana: spellEala leofu sweoster, paem gastum befaeste ic pe. Alys pa peoster pe inne onwunap. Morgana poises the dagger to strike, her eyes glow and she plunges it into Morgause's chest. Morgause gasps. [METAL STRIKES STONE] Morgause: Uh! [SCENE_BREAK] Banquet Hall Merlin senses the magic and everything goes into slow-mo. Image becomes fuzzy and voices are distorted. Gaius: To the King! Agravaine: To the King! The knights toast their glasses as Merlin freaks out. [SCENE_BREAK] Isle of the Blessed - Altar Morgana is blown off her feet. [SCENE_BREAK] Banquet Hall Merlin sees a dead-looking woman in a black, hooded cloak with a staff standing in the middle of the banquet hall. The Cailleach (whisper): Emrys. Emrys. Emrys. [JUG CLATTERS] Merlin drops his empty serving pitcher and the whole hall goes quiet and stares at him. He swoons. Lancelot rushes to his side. Arthur rolls his eyes. Merlin shivers on the floor. [SCENE_BREAK] Isle of the Blessed - Altar The Cailleach strokes Morgana's cheek and Morgana wakes. She sits up and sees the cloaked woman standing in front of the rift. Morgana: Who are you? The Cailleach: I am the Cailleach, the gatekeeper to the Spirit World. You have torn the veil between the worlds. [SCREAMING] The Cailleach: The Dorocha. They are the voices of the dead, my child, and, like the dead, they are numberless. Morgana looks around in fear. The Cailleach: You are right to be afraid, Morgana. Your enemies will rue this day and all the destruction it brings, but you must be aware... Tearing the veil between the worlds has created a new world... and you will not walk through it alone. The one they call Emrys will walk in your shadow. He is your destiny... and he is your doom... Emrys. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin's room Lancelot lays Merlin on the bed. Sir Lancelot: What happened? Gaius: I don't know. I've never felt anyone so cold before. Sir Lancelot: Will he be all right? Gaius: I'll need Hawthorne to improve the blood flow... and blankets... lots of blankets. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chambers Gaius is grinding something as Merlin steps out of his chamber wearing a blanket. They sit together. Merlin: When she spoke, her voice...it was as though it came from the depths of the Earth, and her eyes...they were so sad. So much pain in them. (He's shivering) Who is she? Gaius: The Cailleach... the gatekeeper to the Spirit World. Merlin: Why is she there? Gaius: It was on the stroke of midnight of Samhain's eve. The moment when the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest. It cannot be a coincidence. Merlin: Why was I the only one to see her? Gaius: You have great power, Merlin. For someone so gifted, such visions are not uncommon. Merlin: But you don't understand. It wasn't a vision. She knew who I was. She called me Emrys. Gaius ponders. Merlin: What is it? What does it mean? Gaius: I'm not sure. But if someone has torn the veil between the worlds, then God help us all. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chambers (morning) Merlin brings in a breakfast tray and sets it noisily on the table while Arthur's still in bed. Arthur: Merlin! Merlin opens the curtains, making a lot of noise. Arthur: Merlin! Merlin: What? [KNOCK AT THE DOOR] Arthur puts a pillow over his face. Someone knocks at the door. Arthur: (muffled) Merlin! Merlin: That's not me. Arthur takes off the pillow and Sir Leon enters. Sir Leon: Excuse me, Sire. You're needed in the Council Chambers as a matter of urgency. [SCENE_BREAK] Council Chamber [GIRL CRIES] The Council is gathered around her. Arthur: What's happened to her? Agravaine: Her village was attacked. Arthur: By who? Agravaine: It's not entirely clear, Sire. [SOBBING CONTINUES] Arthur: What's your name? Drea: Drea. Arthur steps closer and the girl tenses. Arthur puts a comforting hand on her shoulder and speaks tenderly. Arthur: Drea. She uncertainly makes eye contact. Arthur: I'm Arthur. Don't be frightened. Tell me what happened. Drea: My mother, my father, my litter sister, they're... She starts weeping again. Arthur: It's all right. It's all right... Someone attacked them. Drea nods. Arthur: Who? Drea: There was no one... just...shapes. Arthur: You didn't see their faces? Drea: They had no faces. Arthur looks uncertainly at a few councilmen. Merlin turns at the sound of something behind him. He seems to hear some kind of screeching. Drea: I... I keep telling you. They were there, but...they weren't there. They moved so quickly... It was as if they weren't real, but...they must've been. I could hear the people screaming. And then...silence. They were all...dead. [SHE SOBS] Arthur: Hey. Thank you. Arthur turns her to cry on Gaius's shoulder. Arthur: Where is this village? Agravaine: Hawden. to the east of the White Mountains, no more than half a day's hard ride. Arthur: Ready the men. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest The Round Table Knights ride out of Camelot. Merlin is startled by the sound of a woodpecker. Arthur: Merlin... you need your comfort blanket? Merlin: What do you mean? Arthur: You're making ME edgy. [HORSE WHINNIES] Merlin jumps. Arthur: That's a horse. Merlin: Maybe it sensed something. Arthur: Yes, that you're a clot pole. Merlin: That's my word. Arthur: Yeah, and it suits you perfectly. The knights look at a deserted village from the top of a hill. Arthur: It's too quiet. [SCENE_BREAK] In the village (night) They enter the village on foot, night has fallen. All is silent. A door creaks loudly and they freeze until a goat bleats and wanders out. They split up in pairs to search. [CRUNCHING] They all jump. Sir Gwaine: Sorry. Sir Elyan: Here! Gwaine drops the apple and they all run to Elyan. Inside one of the houses, they stare at frosted corpses. They all turn as something whips past behind them. Arthur: You saw it? Sir Gwaine: We are literally chasing shadows. Arthur: Come on. They exit the house and search the village at night, bearing torches. [DISTANT WAILS] Merlin splits off from Lancelot when he hears a door shut in a barn. [RUSTLING] He walks around cautiously [SQUAWKING], a chicken jumps out at him. He sighs in relief. Something shrieks quietly behind him and he sees a wisp of it as it exits the barn. Merlin chases the shrieking wisp and loses it. [DISTANT SCREECHING] [GROWLING] Screaming is getting louder. Merlin: spell Leoht! Merlin shines a light from his hand. The light fades. Merlin: spell Leoht! Leoht The light shines briefly and disappears. Merlin: Leoht Nothing happens. Screams echo around him. A wisp shoots straight for him. Merlin: spell Fleoh nu on moras! Merlin's eyes glow, but nothing happens. Sir Lancelot: Merlin! Lancelot uses his torch to repel the wisp. Sir Lancelot: What happened? Merlin: (tears in the eyes) My magic...I couldn't use it. The others come running. Sir Lancelot: There's something out there! Arthur: You saw it? Sir Lancelot: When it saw the light, it fled. Sir Gwaine: It scared the horses. Merlin: It's not something you can chase or something you can kill. Arthur: We need to get out of here. [DISTANT WAILING] [SCENE_BREAK] Castle Square (night) [BELL RINGS] People are screaming and running into the Castle. Gwen rushes down a hallway with blankets and a torch. Agravaine: Gwen! Warn Gaius there are more victims by the western gate. Agravaine continues down another hallway and Gwen rushes on until a window behind her smashes in right behind a knight. The skull wisp rushes in and the knight screams. Gwen takes cover behind a column and brandishes her torch at the skull wisp. The skull wisp leaves and she crouches to check on the knight. He's frozen solid. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgue Guards exit with a stretcher and Gaius pulls a cloth over the face of one of many victims. Merlin: Gaius. Gaius: Merlin...You saw them. Merlin nods. Gaius: Here, help me. Give me some more sheets. Merlin's still acting strangely. Gaius: Merlin? Merlin: My magic is useless against them. I've tried. I have never felt so powerless. Something deep inside... When it came for me, I felt this emptiness. I couldn't breathe... I'm scared. Gaius: Merlin, it's all right. It's not your fault. [SCENE_BREAK] Agravaine's chambers (morning) Agravaine: We've suffered fifty dead, maybe more. Mainly in the Lower Town. Arthur: And there's no way of fighting them? Agravaine: No, our only weapons are torches. And the light doesn't kill them, it only repels them. Arthur: What are they? Gaius: The Dorocha, Sire. The Spirits of the dead. On Samhain's eve in the time of the Old Religion, the high priestesses would perform a blood sacrifice and release them. Agravaine: But who would do such a thing now? Gaius: Morgana. Arthur: You see her hand in this? Gaius: We know she was travelling to the Isle of the Blessed. Arthur: How do we defeat these creatures? Gaius: I don't know, Sire. No mortal has ever survived their touch. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chambers (night) Merlin lights candles. [CREAKING] He drops his basket of candles; one rolls near the curtains. Arthur looks up. Merlin: I thought I saw something. Arthur: What was it, a spider? Merlin sees the curtain move and stares at the candle on the floor. Arthur watches Merlin's hesitation. They both look at the candle on the floor. Arthur: Just pick it up. Merlin doesn't move, they both stare at the curtain. Arthur: Do you want me to get one of the maids to do it for you? Merlin: It's not a joke. Arthur: Yeah. Arthur approaches the curtain, uses his sword to whip it open. Nothing's there. Merlin sighs in relief. Arthur: You see, Merlin, I could never be like you. I could never let myself look so spineless. Merlin: Oh, you see I'm different. I could never let myself look heartless. Arthur: What? Merlin: All right. Thoughtless. Arthur: Never. Merlin: Definitely humourless. Arthur: That's because you're not funny. Arthur hands Merlin the candle. [SCREAMING] Merlin: You're not scared? Arthur: Oh, I am, Merlin. Maybe more than you. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot (night) The guards light fires in grates all over the city. The Dorocha sweeps past some candles in the Gaius's Chambers and blows out some of them. Gaius snaps up from his work. [SCENE_BREAK] In the lower town. Knights patrol the streets with torches. Sir Percival lags behind when he sees/hears something. He walks over to some barrels and finds three small children huddling behind them. Sir Percival: Hey, hey, hey. It's all right. It's all right, you're safe now. Percival hears the Dorocha and checks to see the knights walking in the distance. Percival leaves the torch and runs through the street with the children in his arms. The Dorocha streaks right for them and Elyan jumps in with a torch just in time. Elyan takes one of the kids and they bring them to their parents in a house. Sir Percival: Thanks. Sir Elyan: Couldn't let you have all the glory, could I? They grin at each other. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle square (morning) The square is packed with refugees carrying their belongings. There is a huge line of people waiting to get some help. [SCENE_BREAK] Council Chamber Gaius: They're coming from across the kingdom. They're looking to Camelot for protection. Arthur: And we will give it to them. Agravaine: We cannot house them all. Arthur: We have to try. Agravaine: How? We cannot live like this forever, Arthur. We must find a way to vanquish these creatures. Arthur: Somewhere in all your books, Gaius, there must be something. All I'm asking for is a way to fight them. Gaius: I fear the Dorocha cannot be defeated by swords and arrows, Sire. If I am right, and the veil between the worlds is torn, then there's only one path open to us... To travel to the Isle of the Blessed and repair it. Arthur: And how do I do that? Gaius: I'm not sure. But for the tear to be created it would have required a blood sacrifice. To seal it... will require another. Arthur: We ride before nightfall. Gaius: And who will be the sacrifice? Arthur: If laying down my life will spare the people of Camelot, then that is what I must do. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Agravaine rides through the woods. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana's cave Agravaine enters without knocking. She puts a dagger to his back. Agravaine: My lady? Morgana: My lord... I trust you bring me good news. She lowers the dagger and walks further into her home. Morgana: Tell me. Agravaine: The kingdom is on its knees. Morgana: How terrible. Agravaine: (chuckles) Indeed. Morgana: What of the poor people? Agravaine: More fall every night. Morgana: Such a shame. Agravaine: You should know that Arthur intends to vanquish these creatures. Morgana: (scoffs) Impossible. Agravaine: He makes ready to go to the Isle of the Blessed as we speak. And if the Dorocha don't kill him on the way, our brave little lamb intends to sacrifice himself to repair the veil. Morgana thinks it over and turns away. Agravaine: Something's troubling you... Morgana! Morgana: Something the Cailleach said. She spoke of someone called Emrys. Called him my doom. Agravaine: Your doom? What did she mean? Morgana: I don't know. Agravaine: Morgana, we should be celebrating. Arthur will be dead within the week, leaving the throne open for Camelot's rightful heir. Morgana smirks. [SCENE_BREAK] Uther's chambers Arthur sits by his father. Arthur: There are many things I have to thank you for. You've taught me so much. Most of all, you have taught me what it is to be a prince. I hope that this time you'll be proud of me. Arthur cries as Gwen walks in the doorway. Arthur stands up, cups his father's chin and kisses his forehead. Arthur turns to leave and Uther grabs his arm. Uther: Don't leave me. Arthur: I have to, Father. Uther: Please. Arthur squeezes his father's hand, then wipes his tears and leaves. He sees Gwen and goes to her. Arthur: Promise me you'll look after him when I'm gone. Gwen: What is it? Arthur doesn't respond. Gwen: ... You don't have to go. Arthur: I do. Gwen: Please, Arthur, take care. You are precious, not just the kingdom. Arthur: Smile. Gwen: I can't. Arthur: D'you remember...the first time I kissed you? She smiles. Arthur: There. That's the memory I want to take with me. They embrace. Gwen holds him tight. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside, the Knights are getting ready to leave. They walk their horses out of the castle in slow-mo. [SCENE_BREAK] Agravaine's chambers Arthur hands Agravaine a ring bearing the Pendragon seal. Arthur: You have to take this. It bears the royal seal. In my absence, responsibility to the kingdom rests with you. Agravain: What about your father? Arthur: Should he die, you are to assume the throne. Agravaine: Arthur... Arthur: You're the only person I trust, Uncle. Agravaine: I beg you, for the sake of the kingdom, there must be another way. Agravaine presses the ring back into Arthur's hand. Arthur: My mind is made up. I'm just grateful you're here. Arthur leaves Agravaine with the ring. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin's room Gaius enters while Merlin is packing. Gaius: Merlin. What're you doing? Merlin: It's my destiny to protect Arthur. Gaius: How? Your magic is powerless against the Dorocha. Merlin: Then I must sacrifice myself in his place. Gaius: No. Merlin: My life has always been marked out by destiny. If this is meant to be...I'm not afraid. I will gladly die, Gaius, knowing that one day...Albion will live. Gaius hugs Merlin. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the castle Lancelot watches Gwen walking to him. He smiles. Sir Lancelot: Gwen. Gwen: Will you grant me a favour? Sir Lancelot: Anything. Gwen looks over at Arthur exiting the city gate with Merlin. Gwen: Look after him. Bring him home. Lancelot looks disappointed. Sir Lancelot: I will protect him with my life. You have my promise. Gwen: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] The forest The knights ride out. After dismounting, they prepare to make camp. Arthur: Elyan, look after the horses, they need watering. I need someone to volunteer to get wood. Merlin: I'll do that. Lancelot watches Merlin go and follows. Sir Lancelot: You shouldn't be here. You have no powers. Merlin: Doesn't matter. Sir Lancelot: You're not a warrior, Merlin. I don't want to see you hurt. If you leave in the morning, I'll cover with Arthur. Merlin: It's your duty to protect Camelot no matter what the cost... Well, it's my duty to protect Arthur. Surely you can understand that. Sir Lancelot: I can understand that very well. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana's cave Morgana is dreaming. Red and black banners lie strewn on a battlefield with knights' corpses. A raven sitting on a helmet takes flight. Excalibur is stuck in the ground (or in a knight's chest) Emrys walks on the field with a white cane. Morgana: Help me, Emrys. Please. Morgana's wrinkled hand reaches up to Old Merlin from her position on the ground. Merlin: Is this really what you wanted, Morgana? Morgana: Please... Morgana wakes in her bed. At first she seems afraid, then angry. Morgana: Emrys. [SCENE_BREAK] The knights ride by a field littered with peasants corpses. Arthur: We need to reach Daelbeth by nightfall. The knights pick up the pace. [SCENE_BREAK] Ruined fortress (dusk) Arthur: Pair off. Find any wood you can. Get the fires burning. The knights collect firewood while carrying torches. Gwaine hears a man's scream and drops his firewood. The nights gather together as screams start to surround them. The Dorocha launches at them and Arthur wards it off with a torch. Arthur: Let's go! Sir Percival: We haven't got enough! Arthur: Go! The knights are back at the fire pit with Merlin and Lancelot. Merlin pretends to use the flint. Merlin: (whisper)spell Bel onbryne. The fire lights instantly. Lancelot looks at him. Merlin makes a cute shrug face. Lancelot grins in amusement. The knights stand around the fire with torches. Percival looks at the fire, then at Arthur. Sir Percival: It won't get us through the night. Arthur: It'll keep the area safe for a while. Later, Gwaine throws a log on the fire. Sir Gwaine: The last one. Maybe we should draw lots, see who gets some more. Arthur: I'll go. Sir Lancelot: You'll need help. Merlin: I'll go with him. Arthur: You sure you're the right person? Merlin: Well, since when have you known how to collect firewood? The knights chuckle. Lancelot watches as they walk off. Merlin collects firewood while Arthur stands guard with a torch. The Dorocha charges them from behind. Arthur: Merlin! Arthur drops the torch to tackle Merlin out of the way. They fall off the wall. Arthur: Let's go! They rush through some passages and close a door behind them. The Dorocha seems to lose them. The knights back at the fire pit shuffle around anxiously. Sir Lancelot: They should have been back by now. Sir Elyan: Someone needs to go and look for them. Sir Percival: We've only one torch between us. Lancelot grabs the torch and starts walking off. Sir Lancelot: Who's coming? Elyan follows, then the other knights. Gwaine grabs his sword belt and puts it on as he follows. Arthur and Merlin hide behind a corner in one of the fortress rooms. Merlin ties a cloth around Arthur's injured arm. They are shivering. Arthur: It's cold. Merlin: Right. Arthur: You're not feeling it? Merlin: I... Merlin shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. Arthur: You know, Merlin, you're braver than I give you credit for. Merlin: Really? Was that a compliment? Arthur: Don't be stupid. Merlin chuckles and then Arthur does, too. Back in the passages, Lancelot leads the knights through the fortress, warding off the Dorocha with the torch. Back in the hiding chamber, Merlin and Arthur listen to the screaming spirits. Arthur: Of all the things I've faced...I never worried about dying. Merlin: I don't think you should now. Arthur: Sometimes you puzzle me. Merlin: You never fathomed me out. Arthur: No. Merlin: I always thought if things had been different, we'd've been good friends. Arthur: Yeah. Merlin: That's if you hadn't been such an arrogant, pompous, dollop head. Arthur chuckles. Merlin: We will defeat the Dorocha. We will, Arthur, together. Arthur: Well, I appreciate that. You know, you're a brave man, Merlin... between battles. Merlin chuckles. Merlin: You don't know how many times I've saved your life. Arthur: If I ever become king, I'm going to have you made court jester! They chuckle. Then they hear the Dorocha. In the passages, Lancelot and the knights continue the search. Back in the hiding chamber, Merlin and Arthur wait. Arthur: They say the darkest hour is just before the dawn. Merlin: Feels pretty dark now. Arthur: It can't be long. [SCREECHING] The Dorocha finds them and sweeps through the door. Arthur starts to rush out from around the corner, but Merlin pulls him back and stands up himself, running straight for the Dorocha. Arthur: Merlin, no! [SCREECHING] Merlin jumps at the Dorocha. It catches him in the chest, stops him mid-air and throws him back against the stone wall. Lancelot enters and wards off the Dorocha with the torch, then hands it to Percival and turns to Arthur. Sir Lancelot: What happened? Arthur and Lancelot go to Merlin. They turn him over, his face is covered with frost.
doc_166	Still not far from Pentos, Your Grace. You'd be more comfortable there. I have no interest in hospitality or comfort. I'll stay with Drogo until he fulfills his end of the bargain and I have my crown. I have something for you. First lesson: Stick them with the pointy end. 17 years ago you rode off with Robert Baratheon. And now you're leaving again. I have no choice. There's great honor serving in the Night's Watch. The Starks have manned the Wall for thousands of years. And you are a Stark. Daenerys Targaryen has wed some Dothraki horselord. What of it? Tell me we're not speaking of this. I'll kill every Targaryen I get my hands on. Rapers. Not impressed by your new brothers? Lovely thing about the watch ... You discard your old family and get a whole new one. Welcome. I don't think Bran fell from that tower. I think he was thrown. No! Someone tried to kill him twice. I would stake my life the Lannisters are involved. Lord Stark must be told of this. I will go myself. What is the meaning of this? Joff told us what happened. You and that boy beat him with clubs while you set your wolf on him. That's not what happened! Ahh! We found no trace of the direwolf, Your Grace. We have another wolf. As you will. He doesn't mean Lady, does he? Lady didn't bite anyone! She's good! King's Landing Page : Welcome, Lord Stark. Grand Maester Pycelle has called a meeting of the Small Council. The honor of your presence is requested. Eddard Stark : Get the girls settled in. I'll be back in time for supper. And, Jory, you go with them. Jory Cassel : Yes, my Lord. King's Landing Page : If you'd like to change into something more appropriate... Jaime Lannister : Thank the gods you're here, Stark. About time we had some stern northern leadership. Eddard Stark : Glad to see you're protecting the throne. Jaime Lannister : Sturdy old thing. How many kings' asses have polished it, I wonder ? What's the line ? The King sh1ts and the Hand wipes. Eddard Stark : Very handsome armor. Not a scratch on it. Jaime Lannister : I know. People have been swinging at me for years, but they always seem to miss. Eddard Stark : You've chosen your opponents wisely then. Jaime Lannister : I have a knack for it. It must be strange for you coming into this room. I was standing right here when it happened. He was very brave, your brother. Your father too. They didn't deserve to die like that. Nobody deserves to die like that. Eddard Stark : But you just stood there and watched. Jaime Lannister : 500 men just stood there and watched. All the great knights of the Seven Kingdoms. You think anyone said a word, lifted a finger ? No, Lord Stark. 500 men and this room was silent as a crypt. Except for the screams, of course, and the Mad King laughing. And later... When I watched the Mad King die, I remembered him laughing as your father burned... It felt like justice. Eddard Stark : Is that what you tell yourself at night ? You're a servant of justice ? That you were avenging my father when you shoved your sword in Aerys Targaryen's back ? Jaime Lannister : Tell me... If I'd stabbed the Mad King in the belly instead of the back, would you admire me more ? Eddard Stark : You served him well when serving was safe. Varys : Lord Stark. Eddard Stark : Lord Varys. Varys : I was grievously sorry to hear of your troubles on the Kingsroad. We are all praying for Prince Joffrey's full recovery. Eddard Stark : A shame you didn't say a prayer for the butcher's son. Renly ! You're looking well. Renly Baratheon : And you look tired from the road. I told them this meeting could wait another day, but... Petyr Baelish : But we have a Kingdom to look after. I've hoped to meet you for some time, Lord Stark. No doubt Lady Catelyn has mentioned me. Eddard Stark : She has, Lord Baelish. I understand you knew my brother Brandon as well. Petyr Baelish : All too well. I still carry a token of his esteem from navel to collarbone. Eddard Stark : Perhaps you chose the wrong man to duel with. Petyr Baelish : It wasn't the man that I chose, my Lord. It was Catelyn Tully. A woman worth fighting for, I'm sure you'll agree. Grand Maester Pycelle : I humbly beg your pardon, my Lord Stark. Eddard Stark : Grand Maester. Grand Maester Pycelle : How many years has it been ? You were a young man. Eddard Stark : And you served another King. Grand Maester Pycelle : How forgetful of me. This belongs to you, now. Should we begin ? Eddard Stark : Without the King ? Renly Baratheon : Winter may be coming, but I'm afraid the same cannot be said for my brother. Varys : His Grace has many cares. He entrusts some small matters to us that we might lighten the load. Petyr Baelish : We are the lords of small matters here. Renly Baratheon : My brother instructs us to stage a tournament in honor of Lord Stark's appointment as Hand of the King. Petyr Baelish : Mmm, how much ? Eddard Stark : 40 000 gold dragons to the champion, 20 000 to the runner-up, 20 000 to the winning archer. Grand Maester Pycelle : Can the treasury bear such expense ? Petyr Baelish : I'll have to borrow it. The Lannisters will accommodate, I expect. We already owe Lord Tywin 3 million gold. What's another 80 000 ? Eddard Stark : Are you telling me the Crown is three million in debt ? Petyr Baelish : I'm telling you the Crown is six million in debt. Eddard Stark : How could you let this happen ? Petyr Baelish : The Master of Coin finds the money. The King and the Hand spend it. Eddard Stark : I will not believe Jon Arryn allowed Robert to bankrupt the realm. Grand Maester Pycelle : Lord Arryn gave wise and prudent advice, but I fear His Grace doesn't always listen. Renly Baratheon : "Counting coppers," he calls it. Eddard Stark : I'll speak to him tomorrow. This tournament is an extravagance we cannot afford. Petyr Baelish : As you will. But still, we'd best make our plans. Eddard Stark : There will be no plans until I speak to Robert. Forgive me, my Lords. I had a long ride. Varys : You are the King's Hand, Lord Stark, we serve at your pleasure. Cersei Baratheon : Please, it's nearly healed. Joffrey Baratheon : It's ugly. Cersei Baratheon : A King should have scars, you fought off a direwolf. You're a warrior like your father. Joffrey Baratheon : I'm not like him. I didn't fight off anything. It bit me and all I did was scream. And the two Stark girls saw it, both of them. Cersei Baratheon : That's not true. You killed the beast. You only spared the girl because of the love your father bears her father. When Aerys Targaryen sat on the Iron Throne, your father was a rebel and a traitor. Someday you'll sit on the throne and the truth will be what you make it. Joffrey Baratheon : Do I have to marry her ? Cersei Baratheon : Yes. She's very beautiful and young. If you don't like her, you only need to see her on formal occasions and when the time comes, to make little princes and princesses. And if you'd rather fck painted whores, you'll fck painted whores. And if you'd rather lie with noble virgins, so be it. You are my darling boy and the world will be exactly as you want it to be. Do something nice for the Stark girl. Joffrey Baratheon : I don't want to. Cersei Baratheon : No, but you will. The occasional kindness will spare you all sorts of trouble down the road. Joffrey Baratheon : We allow the northerners too much power. They consider themselves our equals. Cersei Baratheon : How would you handle them ? Joffrey Baratheon : I'd double their taxes and command them to supply 10 000 men to the royal army. Cersei Baratheon : A royal army ? Joffrey Baratheon : Why should every lord command his own men ? It's primitive, no better than the hill tribes. We should have a standing army of men loyal to the Crown, trained by experienced soldiers... Instead of a mob of peasants who've never held pikes in their lives. Cersei Baratheon : And if the northerners rebel ? Joffrey Baratheon : I'd crush them. Seize Winterfell and install someone loyal to the realm as Warden of the North. Uncle Kevan, maybe. Cersei Baratheon : And these 10 000 northern troops, would they fight for you or their lord ? Joffrey Baratheon : For me. I'm their King. Cersei Baratheon : But you've just invaded their homeland, asked them to kill their brothers. Joffrey Baratheon : I'm not asking. Cersei Baratheon : The North cannot be held... not by an outsider. It's too big and too wild. When the winter comes, the Seven gods together couldn't save you and your royal army. A good King knows when to save his strength... And when to destroy his enemies. Joffrey Baratheon : So you agree... The Starks are enemies ? Cersei Baratheon : Everyone who isn't us is an enemy. Septa Mordane : Enough of that, young lady. Eat your food. Arya Stark : I'm practicing. Sansa Stark : Practicing for what ? Arya Stark : The Prince. Septa Mordane : Arya, stop ! Arya Stark : He's a liar and a coward and he killed my friend. Sansa Stark : The Hound killed your friend. Arya Stark : The Hound does whatever the Prince tells him to do. Sansa Stark : You're an idiot. Arya Stark : You're a liar. And if you told the truth, Mycah would be alive. Septa Mordane : Enough ! Eddard Stark : What's happening here ? Septa Mordane : Arya would rather act like a beast than a lady. Eddard Stark : Go to your room. We'll speak later. That's for you, love. The same dollmaker makes all of Princess Myrcella's toys. Don't you like it ? Sansa Stark : I haven't played with dolls since I was eight. May I be excused ? Septa Mordane : You've barely eaten a thing. Eddard Stark : It's all right. Go on. War was easier than daughters. Arya Stark : Go away ! Eddard Stark : Arya, open the door. May I come in ? Whose sword is that ? Arya Stark : Mine. Eddard Stark : Give it to me. I know this maker's mark. This is Mikken's work. Where did you get this ? This is no toy. Little ladies shouldn't play with swords. Arya Stark : I wasn't playing. And I don't want to be a lady. Eddard Stark : Come here. Now what do you want with this ? Arya Stark : It's called Needle. Eddard Stark : A blade with a name. And who were you hoping to skewer with Needle ? Your sister ? Do you know the first thing about sword fighting ? Arya Stark : Stick 'em with the pointy end. Eddard Stark : That's the essence of it. Arya Stark : I was trying to learn. I asked Mycah to practice with me. I asked him. It was my fault. Eddard Stark : No, sweet girl. You didn't kill the butcher's boy. Arya Stark : I hate them ! I hate all of them. The Hound, the Queen and the King and Joffrey and Sansa. Eddard Stark : Sansa was dragged before the King and Queen... And asked to call the Prince a liar. Arya Stark : So was I ! He is a liar. Eddard Stark : Darling, listen to me. Sansa will be married to Joffrey someday. She cannot betray him. She must take his side even when he's wrong. Arya Stark : But how you can let her marry someone like that ? Eddard Stark : Look at me. You're a Stark of Winterfell. You know our words. Arya Stark : Winter is coming. Eddard Stark : You were born in the long summer. You've never known anything else. But now winter is truly coming. And in the winter, we must protect ourselves, look after one another. Sansa is your sister. Arya Stark : I don't hate her. Not really. Eddard Stark : I don't want to frighten you, but I won't lie to you either. We've come to a dangerous place. We cannot fight a war amongst ourselves. All right ? Go on. It's yours. Arya Stark : I can keep it ? Eddard Stark : Try not to stab your sister with it. If you're going to own a sword, you'd better know how to use it. Old Nan : Don't listen to it. Crows are all liars. I know a story about a crow. Bran Stark : I hate your stories. Old Nan : I know a story about a boy who hated stories. I could tell you about Ser Duncan the Tall. Those were always your favorites. Bran Stark : Those weren't my favorites. My favorites were the scary ones. Old Nan : Oh, my sweet summer child. What do you know about fear ? Fear is for the winter, when the snows fall a hundred feet deep. Fear is for the long night, when the sun hides for years and children are born and live and die all in darkness. That is the time for fear, my little Lord, when the White Walkers move through the woods. Thousands of years ago there came a night that lasted a generation. Kings froze to death in their castles, same as the shepherds in their huts. And women smothered their babies rather than see them starve, and wept and felt the tears freeze on their cheeks. So is this the sort of story that you like ? In that darkness, the White Walkers came for the first time. They swept through cities and kingdoms, riding their dead horses, hunting with their packs of pale spiders big as hounds... Robb Stark : What are you telling him now ? Old Nan : Only what the little Lord wants to hear. Robb Stark : Get your supper. I want some time with him. One time she told me the sky is blue because we live inside the eye of a blue-eyed giant named Macomber. Bran Stark : Maybe we do. Robb Stark : How do you feel ? You still don't remember anything ? I've seen you climb a thousand times. In the wind, in the rain... A thousand times. You never fall. Bran Stark : I did though. It's true, isn't it... what Maester Luwin says about my legs ? I'd rather be dead. Robb Stark : Don't ever say that. Bran Stark : I'd rather be dead. Rodrick Cassel : Fewer eyes back here, my Lady. But still too many. Catelyn Stark : It's nine years since I've set foot in the capital. And no one knew who I was the last time I came either. Rodrick Cassel : My Lady. Guard : Welcome to King's Landing, Lady Stark. Would you mind following us ? Catelyn Stark : I would. We've done nothing wrong. Guard : We've been instructed to escort you into the city. Catelyn Stark : Instructed ? I don't know who's providing your instructions, but... Guard : Follow me, Lady Stark. Petyr Baelish : Cat ! Go on. Go upstairs. Catelyn Stark : You little worm ! You take me for some back-alley Sally you can drag into a... Petyr Baelish : I meant no disrespect to you of all people. Catelyn Stark : How dare you bring me here ! Have you lost your mind ? Petyr Baelish : No one will come looking for you here. Isn't that what like you wanted ? I'm truly sorry... about the locale. Catelyn Stark : How did you know I was coming to King's Landing ? Petyr Baelish : A dear friend told me. Varys : Lady Stark. Catelyn Stark : Lord Varys. Varys : To see you again after so many years is a blessing. Your poor hands. Catelyn Stark : How did you know I was coming ? Varys : Knowledge is my trade, my Lady. Did you bring the dagger with you, by any chance ? My little birds are everywhere. Even in the north. They whisper to me the strangest stories. Valyrian steel. Catelyn Stark : Do you know whose dagger this is ? Varys : I must admit I do not. Petyr Baelish : Well well, this is an historic day. Something you don't know that I do. There's only one dagger like this in all of the Seven Kingdoms. It's mine. Catelyn Stark : Yours ? Petyr Baelish : At least it was, until the tournament on Prince Joffrey's last nameday. I bet on Ser Jaime in the jousting, as any sane man would. When the Knight of the Flowers unseated him, I lost this dagger. Catelyn Stark : To whom ? Petyr Baelish : Tyrion Lannister. The Imp. Alliser Thorne : Grenn, show him what you farm boys are made of. If that were a real sword, you'd be dead. Lord Snow here grew up in a castle spitting down on the likes of you. Pyp. Do you think Ned Stark's bstrd bleeds like the rest of us ? Next ! Next ! Lord Snow, it appears you're the least useless person here. Go clean yourselves up. There's only so much I can stomach in a day. Tyrion Lannister : A charming man. Jeor Mormont : I don't need him to be charming. I need him to turn this bunch of thieves and runaways into men of the Night's Watch. Tyrion Lannister : And how's that going, Commander Mormont ? Jeor Mormont : Slowly. A raven came for Ned Stark's son. Tyrion Lannister : Good news or bad ? Jeor Mormont : Both. Grand Maester Pycelle : Lord Stark. I meant to give you this earlier. So forgetful these days. A raven from Winterfell this morning. Petyr Baelish : Good news ? Perhaps you'd like to share it with your wife ? Eddard Stark : My wife is in Winterfell. Petyr Baelish : Is she ? Petyr Baelish : I thought that she'd be safest in here. One of several such establishments I own. Eddard Stark : You're a funny man. A very funny man. Catelyn Stark : Ned ! Petyr Baelish : The Starks... Quick tempers, slow minds. Grenn : You broke my nose, bstrd ! Jon Snow : It's an improvement. Grenn : If we threw you over the Wall, wonder how long it'd take you to hit. Pyp : I wonder if they'd find you before the wolves did. Grenn : What're you looking at, Half Man ? Tyrion Lannister : I'm looking at you. You've got an interesting face. Very distinctive faces. All of you. Rast : What do you care about our faces ? Tyrion Lannister : It's just I think they would look marvellous decorating spikes in King's Landing. Perhaps I'll write my sister, the Queen, about it. Grenn : We'll talk later, Lord Snow. Jon Snow : Everybody knew what this place was and no one told me. No one but you. My father knew and left me to rot here at the Wall all the same. Tyrion Lannister : Grenn's father left him too... Outside a farmhouse when he was three. Pyp was caught stealing a wheel of cheese. His little sister hadn't eaten in three days. He was given a choice: his right hand or the Wall. I've been asking the Lord Commander about them. Fascinating stories. Jon Snow : They hate me because I'm better than they are. Tyrion Lannister : It's a lucky thing none of them were trained by a master-at-arms like your Ser Rodrik. I don't imagine any of them have ever held a real sword before they came here. Your brother Bran. He's woken up. [SCENE_BREAK] Petyr Baelish : The mere suggestion that the Queen's brother tried to kill your boy would be considered treason. Catelyn Stark : We have proof. We have the blade. Petyr Baelish : Which Lord Tyrion will say was stolen from him. The only man who could say otherwise has no throat, thanks to your boy's wolf. Catelyn Stark : Petyr has promised to help us find the truth. He's like a little brother to me. He would never betray my trust. Petyr Baelish : I'll try to keep you alive, for her sake. A fool's task, admittedly, but I've never been able to refuse your wife anything. Catelyn Stark : I won't forget this. You're a true friend. Petyr Baelish : Don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to maintain. Cersei Baratheon : How could you be so stupid ? Jaime Lannister : Calm down. Cersei Baratheon : He's a child... 10 years old. What were you thinking ? Jaime Lannister : I was thinking of us. You're a bit late to start complaining about it now. What has the boy told them ? Cersei Baratheon : Nothing. He's said nothing. He remembers nothing. Jaime Lannister : Then what are you raving about ? Cersei Baratheon : What if it comes back to him ? If he tells his father what he saw... Jaime Lannister : We'll say he was lying. We'll say he was dreaming. We'll say whatever we like. I think we can outfox a 10-year-old. Cersei Baratheon : And my husband ? Jaime Lannister : I'll go to war with him if I have to. They can write a ballad about us : "The War for Cersei's c*t." Cersei Baratheon : Let me go. Jaime Lannister : Never. Cersei Baratheon : Let me go. Jaime Lannister : The boy won't talk. And if he does, I'll kill him. Him, Ned Stark, the King... the whole bloody lot of them, until you and I are the only people left in this world. Catelyn Stark : I wish I could see the girls. Eddard Stark : It's too dangerous. Catelyn Stark : Just for a moment. Eddard Stark : Until we know who our enemies are... Catelyn Stark : I know they did it, Ned. The Lannisters. In my bones, I know it. Eddard Stark : Littlefinger's right. I can't do anything without proof. Cersei Baratheon : And if you find the proof ? Eddard Stark : Then I bring it to Robert... And hope he's still the man I once knew. You watch yourself on the road, huh ? That temper of yours is a dangerous thing. Catelyn Stark : My temper ? Gods be good, you nearly killed poor Littlefinger yesterday. Eddard Stark : He still loves you. Catelyn Stark : Does he ? Eddard Stark : Off with you. Robert Baratheon : It's been a long time. But I still remember every face. You remember your first ? Barristan Selmy : Of course, your Grace. Robert Baratheon : Who was it ? Barristan Selmy : A Tyroshi. Never learned the name. Robert Baratheon : How'd you do it ? Barristan Selmy : Lance through the heart. Robert Baratheon : Quick one. Lucky for you. Mine was some Tarly boy at the Battle of Summerhall. My horse took an arrow so I was on foot, slogging through the mud. He came running at me, this dumb high-born lad, thinking he could end the rebellion with the single swing of his sword. I knocked him down with the hammer. Gods, I was strong then. Caved in his breastplate. Probably shattered every rib he had. Stood over him, hammer in the air. Right before I brought it down he shouted, "Wait ! Wait." They never tell you how they all sh1t themselves. They don't put that part in the songs. Stupid boy. Now the Tarlys bend the knee like everyone else. He could have lingered on the edge of the battle with the smart boys and today his wife would be making him miserable, his sons would be ingrates, and he'd be waking three times in the night to piss into a bowl. Wine ! Lancel. Gods, what a stupid name. Lancel Lannister. Who named you ? Some halfwit with a stutter ? What are you doing ? Lancel Lannister : It's empty, your Grace. Robert Baratheon : What do you mean it's empty ? Lancel Lannister : There's no more wine. Robert Baratheon : Is that what empty means ? So get more. Tell your cousin to get in here. Kingslayer ! Get in here. Surrounded by Lannisters. Every time I close my eyes I see their blond hair and their smug, satisfied faces. It must wound your pride, huh ? Standing out there like a glorified sentry. Jaime Lannister, son of the mighty Tywin... Forced to mind the door while your King eats and drinks and sh1ts and fcks. So come on. We're telling war stories. Who was your first kill, not counting old men ? Jaime Lannister : One of the outlaws in the Brotherhood. Barristan Selmy : I was there that day. You were only a squire, 16 years old. Jaime Lannister : You killed Simon Toyne with a counter riposte. Best move I ever saw. Barristan Selmy : A good fighter, Toyne, but he lacked stamina. Robert Baratheon : Your outlaw... Any last words ? Jaime Lannister : I cut his head off, so no. Robert Baratheon : What about Aerys Targaryen ? What did the Mad King say when you stabbed him in the back ? I never asked. Did he call you a traitor ? Did he plead for a reprieve ? Jaime Lannister : He said the same thing he'd been saying for hours... "Burn them all." If that's all, your Grace... Daenerys Targaryen : Do the Dothrakis buy their slaves ? Jorah Mormont : The Dothraki don't believe in money. Most of their slaves were given to them as gifts. Daenerys Targaryen : From whom ? Jorah Mormont : If you rule a city and you see the horde approaching, you have two choices : pay tribute or fight. An easy choice for most. Of course, sometimes it's not enough. Sometimes a Khal feels insulted by the number of slaves he's given. He might think the men too weak or the women too ugly. Sometimes a Khal decides his riders haven't had a good fight in months and need the practice. Daenerys Targaryen : Tell them all to stop. Jorah Mormont : You want the entire horde to stop ? For how long ? Daenerys Targaryen : Until I command them otherwise. Jorah Mormont : You're learning to talk like a Queen. Daenerys Targaryen : Not a Queen. A Khaleesi. Viserys Targaryen : You dare ! You give commands to me ? To me ? You do not command the dragon. I am Lord of the Seven Kingdoms. I don't take orders from savages or their sluts. Do you hear me ? Irri : Rakharo ask if you want him dead, Khaleesi. Daenerys Targaryen : No ! Irri : Rakharo say you should take ear, to teach respect. Daenerys Targaryen : Please please, don't hurt him. Tell him I don't want my brother harmed. Viserys Targaryen : Kill these Dothraki dogs ! I am your King ! Jorah Mormont : Shall we return to the Khalasar ? Rakharo : You walk. Benjen Stark : I wanted to be here when you saw it for the first time. I'm leaving this morning. Jon Snow : You're leaving ? Benjen Stark : I'm the First Ranger. My job is out there. There have been disturbing reports. Jon Snow : What kind of reports ? Benjen Stark : The kind I don't want to believe. Jon Snow : I'm ready. I won't let you down. Benjen Stark : You're not going. You're no ranger, Jon. Jon Snow : But I'm better than every... Benjen Stark : Better than no one ! Here... A man gets what he earns, when he earns it. We'll speak when I return. Yoren : A bear's balls. Tyrion Lannister : You're joking ? Yoren : And his brains and his guts, his lungs and his heart all fried in his own fat. When you're a hundred miles north of the Wall and you ate your last meal a week ago, you leave nothing for the wolves. Tyrion Lannister : And how do a bear's balls taste ? Yoren : A bit chewy. And what about you, my Lord ? What's the strangest thing you've eaten ? Tyrion Lannister : Do Dornish girls count ? So you roam the Seven Kingdoms, collaring pickpockets and horse thieves and bringing them here as eager recruits ? Yoren : But it's not all of 'em's done bad things. Some of 'em's just poor lads looking for steady feed. Some of 'em's high-born lads looking for glory. Tyrion Lannister : They have a better chance finding feed than glory. Benjen Stark : The Night's Watch is a joke to you, is it ? Is that what we are, Lannister ? An army of jesters in black ? Tyrion Lannister : You don't have enough men to be an army and aside from Yoren here, none of you are particularly funny. Benjen Stark : I hope we've provided you with some good stories to tell when you're back in King's Landing. But something to think about while you're drinking your wine down there, enjoying your brothels... Half the boys you've seen training will die north of the Wall. Might be a wilding's axe that gets them, might be sickness, might just be the cold. They die in pain. And they do it so plump little lords like you can enjoy their summer afternoons in peace and comfort. Tyrion Lannister : Do you think I'm plump ? Listen, Benjen... May I call you Benjen ? Benjen Stark : Call me what you like. Tyrion Lannister : I'm not sure what I've done to offend you. I have great admiration for the Night's Watch. I've great admiration for you as First Ranger. Benjen Stark : You know, my brother once told me that nothing someone says before the word "but" really counts. Tyrion Lannister : But... I don't believe that giants and ghouls and White Walkers are lurking beyond the Wall. I believe that the only difference between us and the wildlings is that when the Wall went up, our ancestors happened to live on the right side of it. Benjen Stark : You're right. The wildlings are no different from us. A little rougher maybe. But they're made of meat and bone. I know how to track them and I know how to kill them. It's not the wildlings giving me sleepless nights. You've never been north of the Wall, so don't tell me what's out there. Yoren : Are you going below ? Keep well, keep warm. Benjen Stark : Enjoy the capital, brother. Yoren : I always do. Tyrion Lannister : I think he's starting to like me. "Going below" ? Yoren : Into the tunnel and out the other side. He'll be north of the Wall for a month or two. Tyrion Lannister : So you're heading down to King's Landing too. Yoren : Day after tomorrow. I get about half of my recruits from their dungeons. Tyrion Lannister : Let's share the road. I could use some decent company. Yoren : I travel a bit on the grubby side, my Lord. Tyrion Lannister : Not this time. We'll be staying at the finest castles and inns. No one turns away a Lannister. Irri : Yes, Khaleesi. Daenerys Targaryen : What are you doing ? Irri : When was last time you bleed, Khaleesi ? You change, Khaleesi. It's a blessing from the Great Stallion. Jorah Mormont : For a man on horseback, the curved blade is a good thing, easier to handle. It's a good weapon for a Dothrakan. But a man in full plate... the arakh won't get through the steel. That's where the broadsword has the advantage. Designed for piercing plate. Rakharo : Dothraki don't wear steel dresses. Jorah Mormont : Armor. Rakharo : Armor. Armor make a man... Vroz ? Jorah Mormont : Slow. Rakharo : Slow. Jorah Mormont : It's true, but it also keeps a man alive. Rakharo : My father taught me how to fight. He taught me that speed defeats size. Jorah Mormont : I've heard that your father was a famous warrior. Rakharo : He was bloodrider to Khal Bharbo. And your father, Jorah the Andal ? He was a warrior also ? Jorah Mormont : He still is. A man of great honor. And I betrayed him. Irri : The Khaleesi wants to eat something different tonight. Kill some rabbits. Rakharo : There are no rabbits. Irri : Find some ducks, she likes ducks. Rakharo : Have you seen any ducks, woman ? No rabbits, no ducks. Do you have eyes in your head ? Do you ? Irri : Dog then. I have seen many dogs. Jorah Mormont : I don't think she wants to eat dog. Irri : The Khaleesi have baby inside her. It is true. She does not bleed for two moons. Her belly start to swell. Rakharo : A blessing from the Great Stallion. Irri : She does not want to eat horse. Jorah Mormont : I'll have the boys butcher a goat for supper. I need to ride to Qohor. Rhakaro : We ride for Vaes Dothrak. Jorah Mormont : Don't worry. I'll catch you. The horde's easy to find. Jon Snow : Don't stand so still. It's harder to hit a moving target. Except for you. You move too much. I could just hold my sword out and let you do the work for me. Maester Aemon : How many winters have you seen, Lord Tyrion ? Tyrion Lannister : Eight... no, nine. Maester Aemon : All of them brief ? Tyrion Lannister : They say the winter of my birth was three years long, Maester Aemon. Maester Aemon : This summer has lasted nine. But reports from the Citadel tell us the days grow shorter. The Starks are always right eventually : winter is coming. This one will be long and dark things will come with it. Jeor Mormont : We've been capturing wildlings, more every month. They're fleeing south. The ones who flee... say they've seen the White Walkers. Tyrion Lannister : Yes, and the fishermen of Lannisport say they see mermaids. Jeor Mormont : One of our own rangers swore he saw them kill his companions. He swore it right up to the moment Ned Stark chopped his head off. Maester Aemon : The Night's Watch is the only thing standing between the realm and what lies beyond. And it has become an army of undisciplined boys and tired old men. There are less than a thousand of us now. We can't man the other castles on the Wall. We can't properly patrol the wilderness. We've barely enough resources to keep our lads armed and fed. Jeor Mormont : Your sister sits by the side the King. Tell her we need help. Maester Aemon : When winter does come, gods help us all if we're not ready. Daenerys Targaryen : It's a boy. Khal Drogo : How do you know ? Daenerys Targaryen : I know. Jon Snow : I'm sorry to see you leave, Lannister. Tyrion Lannister : It's either me or this cold. And it doesn't appear to be going anywhere. Jon Snow : Will you stop at Winterfell on your way South ? Tyrion Lannister : I expect I will. Gods know there aren't many feather beds between here and King's Landing. Jon Snow : If you see my brother Bran, tell him I miss him. Tell him I'd visit if I could. Tyrion Lannister : Of course. Jon Snow : He'll never walk again. Tyrion Lannister : If you're going to be a cripple, it's better to be a rich cripple. Take care, Snow. Jon Snow : Farewell, My Lord. Syrio Forel : You are late, boy. Tomorrow you will be here at midday. Arya Stark : Who are you ? Syrio Forel : Your dancing master, Syrio Forel. Tomorrow you will catch it. Now pick it up. That is not the way, boy. This is not a great sword that is needing two hands to swing it. Arya Stark : It's too heavy. Syrio Forel : It is heavy as it needs to be to make you strong. Just so. One hand is all that is needed. Now you are standing all wrong. Turn your body sideface. So. You are skinny. That is good. The target is smaller. Now the grip... Let me see. The grip must be delicate. Arya Stark : What if I drop it ? Syrio Forel : The steel must be part of your arm. Can you drop part of your arm ? No. Nine years Syrio Forel was first sword to the Sealord of Braavos. He knows these things. You must listen to me, boy. Arya Stark : I'm a girl. Syrio Forel : Boy, girl... You are a sword, that is all. That is the grip. You are not holding a battle-axe. You are holding... Arya Stark : A needle. Syrio Forel : Just so. Now we will begin the dance. Remember, child, this is not the dance of the Westeros we are learning... The knight's dance, hacking and hammering. This is the Bravo's dance... The water dance. It is swift and sudden. All men are made of water, do you know this ? If you pierce them, the water leaks out and they die. Now you will try to strike me. Up ! Dead. Dead. Very dead. Come. Again, faster.
doc_167	"The Man in the Mud" [SCENE_BREAK] (Teaser) (An all-terrain vehicle pulls to a stop in the woods. CHANDLER [Alicia Ziegler] and her boyfriend, TIM [Andrew Lawrence] alight from the vehicle.) TIM: The GPS says it's right up here. CHANDLER: You don't even know how to use that thing! TIM: The hell I don't! (The GPS device in his hand beeps.) We're here. CHANDLER: We just drove an hour through the woods to find more woods that look just like the woods we drove through. (They come upon a bubbling puddle of thick ooze.) TIM: Eureka! CHANDLER: Ew! That's mud. TIM: No, this is like, um...(close up of the bubbling mud) yeah, it's pretty much mud. CHANDLER: And it smells like rotten egg. TIM: Mmm, sulfur. Very therapeutic. (TIM starts to strip.) CHANDLER: And you expect me to believe you've never been here before. TIM: A friend of mine told me about this place and swore me to secrecy. But this is my first time. In mud. CHANDLER: (laughs nervously as the Soft Misdirectional Piano of Romance starts to play in the background.) TIM: (from off-screen) Come on in; it's nice. CHANDLER: All right. (CHANDLER strips down and slips into the hot spring. The two begin kissing.) Mmmm--what, are you poking me? TIM: This mud is reputed to have amazing romantic properties.(They both giggle and resume making out) CHANDLER: Mmm...I think I got it. TIM: No, I think I'd notice if you got it. CHANDLER: (gasps as she pulls a muddy, skeletal arm from the hot spring, to the accompaniment of an Abrupt Musical Sting. The camera focuses on the hand for a long moment before CHANDLER and TIM freak out and jump out of the hot spring.) (The camera focuses in on the hot spring, and pulls back to reveal BOOTH's hand reaching toward the mud.) BOOTH: Whoa, sheesh! (BOOTH jumps backwards from the mud. A camera pan reveals that he is with BRENNAN and a PARK RANGER [Christopher May].) PARK RANGER: This hot spring averages a temperature of 105 degrees, but it can spike to near boiling, which is why we discourage bathers. (addressing a chagrined TIM and CHANDLER, who are sharing a muddy blanket and not much else, with a scolding tone of voice) Especially those who illegally drive four-by-four vehicles into a national park. BOOTH: So someone was boiled to death? PARK RANGER: Or had a heart attack or passed out, et cetera et cetera. BRENNAN: The remaining flesh will have to be macerated. PARK RANGER: What's that? BOOTH: Ugh...don't ask. BRENNAN: The flesh either has to be boiled off, or eaten by Dermestid beetles. BOOTH: Bones, why can't you just say "cleaned"? BRENNAN: (indicating several long bones.) The sulfur encrusted the bones--do you see the staining? BOOTH: So it's been there a long time? BRENNAN: Not necessarily. BOOTH: So why'd you have to even bring it up then? BRENNAN: (lifting the skull, which is severely pitted) Signs of blunt force trauma. PARK RANGER: What's that mean? BOOTH: That means he didn't pass out and boil to death on his own. BRENNAN: I'm going to need all of the mud. PARK RANGER: Excuse me? BRENNAN: Get a tanker truck out here and suck it up so we can filter it back at the Jeffersonian. (Long shot of the PARK RANGER exchanging a flabbergasted glance with BOOTH, who shrugs.) BRENNAN: (squatting, lifts up the arm) Humerus is thirty-six point five centimeters. Medium build, late twenties early thirties--he's broken this bone before. PARK RANGER: Is she serious about the mud? BRENNAN: Serious as a gas attack. BOOTH: Heart attack, Bones. Serious as a heart attack. (Medico-Legal Lab. CAM is just swiping her card to enter the Platform in a tracking shot that brings us over to the remains.) CAM: The description's too general to get anything from a missing person's report. ZACK: A triangular depression in the calvarium, interior longitudinal 1 fracture, grazed cortical bone and C1; there's a patterned impression in the bone. (As he's speaking, ZACK indicates each particular instance of trauma on a magnification camera screen.) CAM: How many times was he hit, and by what? ZACK: More than once, by a (questioningly) square pipe? Does that exist? CAM: In my experience, people hit people with anything that they can pick up and swing. (pauses) He was attacked from behind? ZACK: Mmmm.... CAM: (annoyed) What? ZACK: There's a vertical impaction fracture to his glabella and frontonasal suture. CAM: Same weapon? ZACK: It doesn't seem so. . . . I have seen this before. CAM: Great. Where? ZACK: From sharpened stone weapons, in Neanderthal skeletons. CAM: I'm thinking not so relevant in this case. ZACK: The blow to the front of the head would cause a severe laceration. CAM: There were no bloodstains around the mud bath. ZACK: Indicating that the body was dumped there postmortem. CAM: Zack, regarding the Neanderthals- ZACK: (correcting) Neanderthals. CAM: ...What was the context of those killings? (the Heavy Musical Tones of Plot Import arise in the background, and will continue onward to carry us into the credits.) ZACK: Accepted scenarios indicate a single individual attacked by two or more assailants. CAM: Then we're looking for two or more murderers. (End Teaser.) (Credits.) (Act One) (Fade up on the outside of SWEETS's office building.) BRENNAN: (v.o.) We're not sure about time of death yet. BOOTH: (v.o.)It was definitely a murder. (Now in SWEETS's office; the Plinky Piano of Zany Hijinks arises in the background. SWEETS, for the record, could not look more bored, and is constantly shifting positions so as not to fall asleep.) BRENNAN: Definitely. Probably by two assailants. BOOTH: What a shock for that couple, huh? (gesturing) You know, they slide naked, into the hot mud bath...and a skeleton hand pokes her in the BRENNAN: (finishing) Anus. BOOTH: (shocked) Bones! BRENNAN: What? It's a clinical term for that part of the body, Booth. (SWEETS is now either sporting a hilarious, wide-eyed shock face, or trying so hard to keep his eyes open that they've bugged out of his face.) SWEETS: Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth...would it be fair to say that you use work to avoid confronting personal issues? BOOTH: Oh, what, because I don't want to talk about... BRENNAN: The anus. BOOTH: You really like that word, don't you? SWEETS: Do you two ever discuss anything that's not attached to work? BOOTH: Well, it's better than talking about, y'know... SWEETS: The anus? BOOTH: What is it with you two? BRENNAN: Well, Sweets could be right; I mean, we talk a lot about work. BOOTH: I talk about my kid. SWEETS: Because he was almost kidnapped during a case. BRENNAN: (raising a single finger) Ah, my father. We talk a lot about him. SWEETS: Because Agent Booth arrested him for murder. BOOTH: Mm...okay, what are you trying to get at here? SWEETS: Your inability to share your personal lives. I thought that was obvious. BOOTH: Okay, that was snotty. (snottily) I don't respond well to snotty. BRENNAN: (laying a hand on BOOTH's arm) After a case, sometimes, we have a drink, or coffee, Booth has pie. I don't...like pie. BOOTH: Aw...you really should just give it a chance. BRENNAN: I find it too sweet. BOOTH: Okay, there. We talked about pie. Nothin' to do with work. BRENNAN: It...is better when we discuss murder. SWEETS: I'd like to see you guys in a social situation. A situation where work is a taboo subject. BOOTH: What, are you gonna send us to a restaurant and watch us through a one-way mirror? BRENNAN: I'm still not having pie. SWEETS: No, an evening out with my girlfriend and me. BOOTH: (laughs, then, to BRENNAN) They need someone to buy them beer. BRENNAN: You want us to go on a double date? BOOTH: Why don't you go on the internet like all the rest of the kids? SWEETS: Okay, if it goes well, I'll withdraw my concern. I'll release you back into your environment. BOOTH: What are we, brook trout? BRENNAN: (pouts briefly, then) Fine. BOOTH: (Sighs heavily and plays with the stress-sumo-wrestler.) SWEETS: Agent Booth? (BOOTH looks away.) Unless, you think that's too much to prove. BOOTH: (pulls a face, then) Fine. I'll show 'em I have nothing to prove. Bring it on, Sweets. (He flings the stress sumo wrestler at SWEETS, who catches it one-handed and gives it a squeeze.) (Medico-Legal Lab; Jeffersonian. HODGINS is running the mud from the hot-spring through some sort of strainer; ZACK is examining something small.) HODGINS: Ugh...(Pulls a greenish aluminum can from the strainer) So far I have three old beer cans, an Indian Arrowhead, (he lifts a coin out of the strainer and casually tosses it on the table; in the background you can hear CAM swiping her card to enter the platform) seventy-three cents in change, and a partially-melted Sharpie. CAM: The victim was braised like osso bucco. The flesh was falling off the bone. I put time of death between ten days and two weeks. ZACK: (crosses to a bank of x-rays) I found stress fractures and degenerative changes in the fascid joints. CAM: Fits with the hypertrophy of the cervical muscles. I found microscopic tearing but he had to sustain this (she extends her neck forward) position to cause that kind of wear and tear. HODGINS: Death by yoga? ANGELA: (enters) Is that skull ready for me yet? ZACK: It should be ready, you can take it out of the boiler any time. ANGELA: Or, you could do that for me, because I will never, ever do that. ZACK: (indicating the injuries on a bank of x-rays.) There are fractures of the pelvis, compression fractures of thoracic and lumbar vertebrae, multiple metacarpal and metatarsal fractures... ANGELA: What was he, crash test dummy? ZACK: The injuries to the vertebrae, tibia, femur are consistent with landing on the feet after falling from ten to twenty feet. HODGINS: What, like jumping out of a tree? ZACK: The damage to the scapula and the acromion resulted from a low fall but forward movement from between sixteen to twenty miles per hour. ANGELA: Falling off a bicycle. ZACK: These injuries are more recent. Fractured and scored patella, and torn retinaculum. HODGINS: Okay, even I didn't get that one. CAM: Why would anyone want to kill him? It seems like he was doing a good enough job on his own. (CUT to the exterior of the FBI building.) BRENNAN: (v.o.) Yes. Okay, Dr. Sweets, yeah, I'll ask him.(Now in the elevator, we see BRENNAN covers her phone) How's Wednesday night, are you free? BOOTH: oh, what, to have our big double date with our psychiatrist? BRENNAN: Just one more evening, and maybe we won't have to see him anymore. BOOTH: Fine. Wednesday's FINE, I can't wait, does he want me to get you a corsage? BRENNAN: (into the phone) Wednesday's fine. We'll meet you there. Yeah, I'm looking forward to meeting her. BOOTH: (scowls as he pushes open the doors of his office) BRENNAN: Okay. Bye. (hangs up with a beep.) This might be fun. His girlfriend works with tropical fish. BOOTH: (skeptically) Tropical. Fish. BRENNAN: Yeah. BOOTH: This is just weird. Where are we meeting? BRENNAN: At their ceramics class. BOOTH: What? No, you're kidding. BRENNAN: Why would I be kidding? He said it would be a good idea to have a common activity. BOOTH: Ceramics? I thought the whole point of therapy was to give us peace of mind, not drive us crazy. (BOOTH's computer starts beeping; we inset to a video chat invitation on BOOTH's monitor, which reads "JEFFERSONIAN/ANGELA") Hey, it's Angela. (BOOTH clicks his mouse, and answers her video chat invitation.) Hey, Angela. ANGELA: Hey! I did a rendering of our victim's face. We're checking him against any reports of missing persons. BOOTH: Wait a second, that's Tripp Goddard. ANGELA: Tripp Goddard? BOOTH: He's a motorcycle racer. BRENNAN: (looks nonplussed) BOOTH: Oh, I forget sometimes that I'm talking to girls. BRENNAN: That would explain the wrist and neck injuries on Zack's report. Have him confirm with dentals. ANGELA: Yeah, (CUT to ANGELA in the holographics suite at the Jeffersonian) I don't appreciate the "girls" comment. (CUT BACK to BOOTH and BRENNAN in BOOTH's office.) BOOTH: Uh...Tripp won a huge motorcycle race about two weeks ago. BRENNAN: That fits time of death. (CUT to ANGELA in the Holographics Suite at the Jeffersonian) ANGELA: That would've been the Super Grand Prix, out in Virginia. Tripp won in the final two laps after some kind of accident took out the frontrunner. (cheekily) Girls, huh? (ANGELA terminates the connection, and we see an inset screen with the Jeffersonian logo and the text "Video Conference Connection Terminated.") (Slam Bolt Racing, Exterior shot of motorcycles in bright blues and yellows rounding a curve to the sound of vehicle exhaust. Racing journalist GARTH JODREY [Chris William Martin] begins a voiceover as the racers cross a finish line and the checkered flags are waved.) GARTH: It's not about the machine, it's about the man. (We cut to an interior shot at Slam Bolt Racing as he continues speaking.) I mean, sure you need a great bike, but a great rider on a crap bike? Still going to win. (We see that GARTH, who uses a wheelchair, has been conversing with an attractive brunette in a leather jacket, PHILIPPA FITZ [Abigail Spencer].) PHILIPPA: Riders say it's about the rider, mechanics say it's the machine, you know what I say? It's about whoever signs the paychecks. GARTH: (as BRENNAN and BOOTH come around a mechanic's station into the background of the shot) Ah, yes, and that would be you. PHILIPPA: (teasingly) Yes, it would; don't forget it. BOOTH: Excuse me. (flashes his badge) FBI Special Agent Booth, this here is Dr. Temperance Brennan of the Jeffersonian. We're looking for someone who might be able to tell us a little bit about Tripp Goddard. PHILIPPA: Well, I'm Philippa Fitz, and Tripp rides for our family team, Slam Bolt. GARTH: What did Tripp do? BOOTH: Who are you? GARTH: Garth Jodrey, I'm a journalist. (Opens his leather jacket to show a logo on his t-shirt) Motokneescrapers.com. BRENNAN: What does that mean? BOOTH: Racers, when they--they lean real low on the corners, their-their knees, they scrape the asphalt. BRENNAN: That would explain his knee injuries. PHILIPPA: No one has seen Tripp since after the Super Grand Prix. BRENNAN: Well, where did he go? PHILIPPA: After a big win, he usually takes off in his truck and climbs mountains, swims oceans, no one really knows for sure. Can I help you? BOOTH: Mr. Goddard's dead. GARTH: What? What happened? BRENNAN: We believe he was murdered. (CUT to a conversation with LENNY FITZ [Wings Hauser], PHILIPPA's father.) LENNY: Who would kill Tripp? I don't know. GARTH: (as he crosses the room.) Well, the fans loved him. Everybody else hated him. LENNY: Get lost, Garth. PHILIPPA: Daddy, please. LENNY: No. I want him out of here, Philippa. (GARTH looks up at PHILIPPA for a tense moment. She finally jerks her head, indicating that he should leave. He departs.) BOOTH: Garth doesn't seem to think that Tripp was the good old boy that you do. LENNY: His got his reasons. PHILIPPA: The wheelchair, for one. BOOTH: Tripp put him in that wheelchair? LENNY: It was an accident. During a race, a couple years ago. PHILIPPA: You can't honestly believe that Garth had anything to do with this. I mean, how? He's in a wheelchair. BRENNAN: With help, obviously. BOOTH: When was the last time you saw Tripp? PHILIPPA: The victory party, after the race. LENNY: I saw him get him his truck and leave, about midnight. BOOTH: Great, I'm going to need to know the make, model, the year, license plate of the truck. LENNY: Anything you need, we're here. Just find the bstrd who did this to him. (End Act One.) (Begin Act Two. "Skinny Penny" by the Stereotypes plays as footage of the Super Grand Prix rolls. #66, DANNY FITZ [Channon Roe] is in the lead, with #1, TRIPP GODDARD [John Edward Lee] hot on his trail. The footage cuts to a crowd shot, and back to footage of DANNY followed closely by TRIPP. More crowd shots, then it is revealed that BOOTH, BRENNAN, and GARTH are watching this footage on an LCD screen in the FBI Conference room. When we cut back to the LCD screen, the leader-board on the footage shows that TRIPP is in the lead, followed by D.J. COPPS. TRIPP crosses the finish line, and we cut to TRIPP holding the trophy, surrounded by pit crew, laughing triumphantly. DANNY tries to approach TRIPP, but is held back by pit crew.) GARTH: (v.o.) Okay, that's Danny Fitz. (On the screen, DANNY breaks free of his pit crew and grabs TRIPP by the front of his racing jacket. The footage pauses, but judging by their facial expressions, there is clearly an ugly altercation in the making.) I tell ya, I would've loved to have decked Tripp like that after our race, only I was in a coma for a few days. BRENNAN: Another Fitz? GARTH: Lenny's son, Philippa's twin brother... Alright, watch this. (GARTH uses a remote to manipulate the footage.) Danny's got the race in the bag. Final lap, Tripp does that. (On the tape in extreme close-up, we see TRIPP's front wheel bump DANNY's back wheel; we pull back to find that DANNY has wiped out.) Classic inside-out block pass. BRENNAN: Is he allowed to do that? BOOTH: Only if it's an accident. GARTH: Slam Bolt would've taken first and second against Flame Spark if Tripp hadn't of clipped Danny. BRENNAN: (laughs) There's someone named Flame Spark? BOOTH: Yeah; Flame Spark Spark Plugs. It's Slam Bolt's rival team. TRIPP: (on the tape) I saw a little daylight. Looked like Danny was gonna go wide, so I went for it. I mean, it is a bummer when somebody loses the front of their bike like that, but, um...(TRIPP shrugs) Whaddaya gonna do? GARTH: Danny had that race in the bag. BOOTH: Tripp did the same thing to you, didn't he? GARTH: (a beat) Yeah. Well, I guess Tripp didn't learn anything from the time he did it to me. BOOTH: Danny Fitz, was he at the victory party? GARTH: Yeah, absolutely. Put on a face for the press. BRENNAN: Did Danny leave before, or after Tripp? GARTH: About the same time. BOOTH: How about you? GARTH: I took off right after.(On the videotape, TRIPP and DANNY are engaged in a shoving match.) BOOTH: You're good friends with Danny, aren't you? GARTH: You mean, are we good enough friends to kill Tripp together? You know, I'm pretty sure I don't have to say anything without a lawyer. (BRENNAN and BOOTH exchange a look.) (MEDICO-LEGAL LAB; the JEFFERSONIAN. A metal bar falls on the floor between two feet, which we see are ZACK's, as ZACK is carrying in an armload of potential murder weapons. ZACK bends down to pick up the bar. HODGINS looks over at him before going back to examining the now extremely clean skull. As ZACK finally corrals the first bar he dropped, he loses control of another bar.) HODGINS: (testily.) It's not going to work... ZACK: What? HODGINS: Dropping loud pieces of metal to hurry me up. ZACK: I need the skull so I can compare tool marks to potential murder weapons. HODGINS: Just going to have to wait. ZACK: (frowns and walks further into the room.) HODGINS: (zooms in to an extreme close-up of the skull's surface on a monitor. A computer program isolates particulates on the screen.) Titanium, magnesium, and heat-treated boron particulates are embedded in the skull fractures. ZACK: Mmmmm.... HODGINS: What? ZACK: That's a unique and exotic combination of metals not found in any of these...(A bunch of the aforementioned "these" go sliding out of ZACK's arms, and he bends down to collect them.) HODGINS: It is possible that these particulates aren't from the tool, I mean, not from the tool alone. ZACK: I don't understand. HODGINS: Hand-made racing motorcycles are made from these metals. ZACK: So the particles could've gone from the bicycles to the tools to the victim. HODGINS: It's-it's not a bicycle. It's a motorcycle. ZACK: (irritably) Bi-cycle. Two wheels. The term applies. (He drops another group of the metal bars, and bends down to collect them.) HODGINS: Drop those. (off his look.) Drop them. I mean it Zack, bombs away. (ZACK drops all the weapons to the floor.) ZACK: I don't know what that proves. HODGINS: It means I don't handle irritation as well as I'd like. ZACK: Can I pick these up now? HODGINS: (forcefully) No. (ZACK looks at him quizzically, and HODGINS crosses the room towards him.) You can pick one up. Most likely culprit. ZACK: A narrow instrument, no more than an inch, caused the injuries. HODGINS: Okay...(HODGINS bends down and proceeds to pick up more than one bar.) ZACK: Strain, the crushing, tearing, shearing, equals a change in dimension divided by the original dimension. HODGINS: I do bugs and slime; I don't do arithmetic. ZACK: An elongated rod, with (he selects a shiny, square-shaped pipe from the group HODGINS has selected) this cross-section, is the most likely culprit. HODGINS: Good. Good job, Zack. ZACK: (confused) Am I...King of the Lab? HODGINS: We both are. (HODGINS drops the remaining crowbars.) Let's go tell Cam. (FBI Conference room. BOOTH is replaying the footage of DANNY FITZ wiping out over and over again and giggling. A slow pan reveals an unamused DANNY.) BOOTH: Ooohhhh....ouch....Okay, now that, that's gotta hurt. Wait, here it comes again, I mean, look at that. Whoa...watch it, watch out, watch out, whoa! (BOOTH jumps backwards to reveal the unamused face of DANNY's lawyer, BRAXTON SMALLS [M.C. Gainey]) SMALLS: Let the record show that Agent Booth is taunting my client by repeatedly showing footage of his traumatic accident. DANNY: Don't say accident, man; Tripp did that to me on purpose. BRENNAN: How fast were you going at the time of your incident? DANNY: I don't know, exactly. I was accelerating through 160. BOOTH: Tripp was accelerating faster; see there? (BOOTH punches a button on the remote. The footage replays on the screen.) Whoosh. SMALLS: Again with taunting. BRENNAN: Why was Tripp so much better than you? SMALLS: Taunting? BRENNAN: No, I'm not taunting, Mr. Smalls, I'm restating an objective fact. DANNY: Tripp had a better bike! He had maybe twenty horses on me. BOOTH: So you get Tripp's bike now, right, Mr. Fitz? DANNY: I didn't kill Tripp for his motorcycle. BOOTH: Why did you kill him? SMALLS: Whoa, full stop there, cowboy. BOOTH: Alright, don't sweat it there, princess. Alright, any other reason why you'd want to get rid of Tripp? DANNY: No. SMALLS: Danny, certain things you hide make you look guilty. DANNY: Couple years back, Tripp was going out with my sister. Cheated on her with a groupie. SMALLS: Came to blows. BRENNAN: Who won? DANNY: I did, for once. Knocked him on his ass! BOOTH: And you defended her honor. SMALLS: Danny and Philippa are twins, Agent Booth. They're very close. BOOTH: He cheated on your sister, forced you to crash...How'd you exactly describe your relationship with Tripp? DANNY: (snidely) We were the best of friends. SMALLS: As your lawyer, I must caution you that sarcasm doesn't show up on the transcript. Best to avoid it. DANNY: Look, I'm sorry Tripp's dead, but I'm not exactly grievin', you feel me? BOOTH: Bones, he's not afraid of me at all. BRENNAN: It's hard to scare someone who rides around a track at 200 miles an hour. DANNY: Now her, I like. (to BRENNAN) D'you wanna go out sometime? (BRENNAN looks surprised.) SMALLS: Restrain yourself. BOOTH: Nah, she doesn't wanna go out with you. BRENNAN: Let me speak for myself! BOOTH: Murder suspect, here, Bones. (Cut to a hilariously lecherous facial expression of DANNY's. BRENNAN looks skeptical.) (Medico-Legal Lab; Jeffersonian. The Original Recipe Squint Squad + Cam are in the side room at the lab.) CAM: The wound at the front of the head or at the back? ZACK: Back. ANGELA: Could it be both? ZACK: No. CAM: The blow to the front of the head was from a sharp tool. ZACK: Sharper than round, but blunter than sharp. ANGELA: What? CAM: That actually made sense to me. ANGELA: You two have been spending way too much time together. HODGINS: Can you estimate the amount of force? ZACK: In the back of the head, length undetermined. A width of 3.8 centimeters; approximately a thousand pounds of force. ANGELA: So a lot. HODGINS: (like it's no big deal) Half a ton. ANGELA: Which is a lot. ZACK: That actually isn't very much. ANGELA: All right; now I'm back in a physics class I want to ditch. HODGINS: A boxer's fist can land with double that force. CAM: A big meaty fist in a glove. HODGINS: Yeah, with the force spread out over a hell of a lot more than 3.8 centimeters. ZACK: Correct. It wouldn't take all that much force to crush a skull with this. CAM: So. We haven't eliminated anyone from our list of suspects. Plus, we don't know what that's a cross-section of, and we don't know what caused the damage to the front of the face. (taking in ZACK and HODGINS' nonplussed faces as the Piano Music of Zany Hijinks rears its head on the soundtrack.) What, exactly, made you two come in here crowing "King of the Lab"? HODGINS: (opens his mouth to speak, then closes it and points at ZACK, who stares back at him.) I'm gonna go back and look at very small things under my very large microscope. (HODGINS leaves. CAM glances at ZACK.) ZACK: I can probably identify the type of tool off this cross section. CAM: Do it and call Booth. See if it's of any use to him. (ZACK turns to leave.) ANGELA: (conspiratorially, to CAM.) Boys. CAM: Wow. (Medico-Legal Lab; HODGINS and ZACK's workstations.) HODGINS: (on the phone to BOOTH) I don't have the weapon, but, I microwaved the fabric samples and used gas sensors to analyze (Slam Bolt Racing; BOOTH and BRENNAN are standing by a yellow and white motorcycle.) BOOTH: (cutting HODGINS off mid-sentence.) Alright, alright; just--let's just cut to the chase, there, okay, Mr. Wizard? (Medico-Legal Lab) HODGINS: (shrugs) I have identified what was on the victim's clothing. (Slam Bolt Racing) BOOTH: Fine. I'll take anything at this moment. BRENNAN: What is it? HODGINS: (through BOOTH's Blackberry) It's toluene. It's a clear liquid used to clean up oil. BOOTH: (agitatedly.) How is that supposed to help us? Every mechanic in the world uses that stuff. (BRENNAN, with a pensive expression on her face, examines a rack against a wall.) I need a weapon; do you hear me? A weapon. (Medico-Legal Lab; Jeffersonian.) HODGINS: You know, I'm feeling really underappreciated today. BOOTH: Alright, well, you know what?-- (Slam Bolt Racing) BOOTH: (continued) You can suck it up, buttercup. BRENNAN: Booth? BOOTH: Yah? BRENNAN: (opens the door on a yellow rack of conveniently-labeled chemicals; the foremost container is labeled "Toluene" in larger lettering than any of the other bottles. BRENNAN points at it.) Toluene. HODGINS: (over BOOTH's Blackberry.) It's also excellent for cleaning up blood. BRENNAN: So, if you killed someone here, and they bled a lot... BOOTH: (looks over at a drain in the middle of the floor.) The drain...(to an FBI Forensics Technician [Burnadean Jones])Hey, check this drain for blood. (Medico-Legal Lab) HODGINS: Blood suspended in toluene might be testable for DNA. BRENNAN: (sotto voce) Tell Hodgins he did a good job. BOOTH: Tell Hodgins he did a good job, if...(He trails off when he sees blood spatter leading towards the drain by the blue glow of the FBI technician's ALS.) HODGINS: (over BOOTH's Blackberry) I'm waiting. (End Act Two.) (Begin Act Three. BOOTH and BRENNAN are in Dr. SWEETS's office. The bass xylophone and heavy brass sounds of Work-related hijinks are on the soundtrack. BOOTH looks less than happy to be visiting Dr. SWEETS. BRENNAN starts to say something, then doesn't. The awkward silence continues. Finally BOOTH breaks it.) BOOTH: I hate when you do this. SWEETS: Do what? BOOTH: You don't talk. SWEETS: Sometimes you hate when I talk, so it's a double-edged sword. BOOTH: Bones doesn't mind sitting in silence, do ya? BRENNAN: (answering in the negative) Mm-mmm. BOOTH: I hate it. SWEETS: Why do you think that is? BRENNAN: He gets bored. BOOTH: You're right, I do, I get bored. BRENNAN: You should see him on stakeouts; he talks and talks and ---(BOOTH stares at her) Well, it's very interesting! SWEETS: Is it always about work? BRENNAN: Mmm...no. SWEETS: (cocks his head.) You're lying! BOOTH: Aw, c'mon. How do you know that? SWEETS: I have special training in how to tell when people are lying. BRENNAN: Is that true? SWEETS: See, if you were me, you'd know. BOOTH: (stares.) SWEETS: You're lying to protect your partner. I understand that. But let's agree amongst ourselves, that this is a truth zone. (BOOTH groans and pinches the bridge of his nose.) Is something bothering you? BOOTH: It's this whole...going on a date thing. BRENNAN and SWEETS in stereo: No, it's not a date! SWEETS: (continuing) It's a social outing for the purpose of professional evaluation. BOOTH: Come on; ceramics? I'm not that kind of a guy, alright? Whaddaya say we go, y'know, bowling, or to a firing range, or climbing a wall? SWEETS: Oh, right. Something you're good at. BOOTH: A movie! Or dinner. Dinner and a movie. Somewhere that I don't have to make something. BRENNAN: (exhales) Oooohhh... BOOTH: What? What oooh? BRENNAN: Well, what Sweets would do in this situation is he'd jump on word usage. He's going to ask you why you're resistant to making. SWEETS: (indignantly) I JUMP on the semantics? (shakes his head) That's a really aggressive turn of phrase. BOOTH: Ha. Thanks for pulling focus, there, Bones. (SWEETS starts to shake his head.) Pulling. Is that an aggressive word too? SWEETS: Okay, what, did you two plan this? BOOTH: It's paranoia! That is paranoia. BRENNAN: Since this is a truth zone, I will tell you the truth. We didn't plan anything. (SWEETS examines her shrewdly and she meets his eyes.) SWEETS: You're telling the truth. BOOTH: He's guessing, Bones. SWEETS: (giddy, like a little kid.) We're going to a ceramics class, and we're all going to MAKE something. Time's up. (Melville Practice Track at Slam Bolt Racing. Motorcycle #38 is rounding a corner as "Get it Right" by Mink plays on the soundtrack. #38, #42, and #1 are all on the track.) BOOTH: (v.o.) Look, Sweets can't really tell if someone's lying. (Cut to BRENNAN and BOOTH walking along a side track.) I'm telling you, he's playing with our minds. BRENNAN: There's an area of study called neurolinguistics which proposes that subconscious eye movements and body language tell a well-trained observer if the subject is lying. BOOTH: Well, I don't believe it. (As they round the corner of a trailer, one can see GARTH JODREY in blurred focus in the foreground.) Ha. I don't believe it. (DANNY is standing by GARTH and LENNY next to the #1 bike.) BRENNAN: Is that Tripp's bike? BOOTH: Hyeah; looks like Danny's gonna finally get what he wants, huh? LENNY: Do me a favor, son. Take it easy, a couple times around, before you blast off, okay? DANNY: I know, Dad. Ease into it. GARTH: Hey, can I get a picture? BOOTH: Yeah, let's get a picture. Look at that. # 1 of the Slam Bolt racing team. You gotta feel good about that. DANNY: I'm not talkin' to you without my lawyer present. (DANNY dons his motorcycle helmet.) LENNY: That goes for all of us. (to DANNY) Look, you, I can replace. Do NOT wreck my bike. (DANNY revs the engine and pops a low wheelie before taking off around the track with a screech.) GARTH: Y'know, Lenny, I'm thinkin' your boy isn't gonna relax into this. LENNY: Well, Danny gets a chance to grab the brass ring, he's gonna take it.(DANNY revs the engine into the curve.) BOOTH: Okay, watch this, Bones, he's gonna decelerate right before the turn and just slingshot right through it. BRENNAN: I don't see the deceleration part. (Something is clearly wrong with DANNY; the bike begins to shake and then to bank heavily right, then heavily left.) LENNY: No, no, no! (DANNY's last bank turns into a wipeout in a shower of sparks as he scrapes across the track. He's thrown free of the bike; however, it explodes in a ball of flame that engulfs him. GARTH, ever the photojournalist, continues snapping pictures as BRENNAN and BOOTH run towards DANNY. LENNY merely stares catatonically.) SAFETY CREWMEMBER: He's down! Come on, let's get in there. PHILIPPA: (was watching from her car; she sprints to where DANNY is on the track) No! NOOO!!! No! No! (LENNY sinks to his knees as PHILIPPA grabs him by the arm. DANNY and the BIKE have now become separate fireballs as the Plinky Piano of Loss plays on the soundtrack and two fire-extinguisher bearing members of the Slam Bolt safety crew come running up.) PHILIPPA:Not Danny. (In the corner of the shot, GARTH appears to be classily photographing PHILIPPA and LENNY's reaction.) BRENNAN: (on her cellphone) Yes, we're at the Melville practice track on Highway 64. Send an air ambulance now; there's been a motorcycle accident. (End Act Three.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Begin Act Four; interior shot at the Slam Bolt Garage. An FBI forensics team is photographing the charred remains of the bike; to the left of the shot, FBI Motor Tech OPAL WARNEKE [Darlena Tejeiro] is feeding data into a computer.The Sad Piano of Loss is still playing on the soundtrack. PHILIPPA walks through the garage.) BRENNAN: (to PHILIPPA) Where's your father? PHILIPPA: He's at the house. He's already had two heart attacks; he doesn't need to be here for this. OPAL: Seems like a crime to mess up such a sweet bike, huh? BOOTH: Yeah, a crime, like murder. OPAL: (backtracking) Right. I..I just meant the bike itself, it's... BOOTH: No, I get it. You like bikes. OPAL: (pointing to a part she has in her hand.) These rotors are laser cut and honed. Very exact. Bend one just a little, and when this baby gets to speed the rotor hits a brake pad. Separates a little farther, and the next thing you know... BRENNAN: Yes. We saw. BOOTH: So it couldn't have been an accident... OPAL: You mean oops, I accidentally stuck a piece of metal through this little tiny hole and pushed it with all my might? BRENNAN: So anyone could have done this? OPAL: Anyone who's familiar with motorcycles. And was a killer. PHILIPPA: Why would anyone want to kill Danny? BRENNAN: (takes PHILIPPA by the shoulder and walks her away.) You can't be near the evidence. I'm sorry. BOOTH: (to OPAL) See what else you can find, will ya? OPAL: (nods.) (Medico-Legal Lab; Jeffersonian. HODGINS is adding a few drops of the reagent Eugenol to the tip of a cotton swab.) HODGINS: Recovering ink traces on plastic and polymers is problematic, so, I am using a new technique. A little of the reagent Eugenol, and (He holds the plastic piece [the melted Sharpie from the sifting-the-mud scene] under a blue light, revealing the letters "EE S APERS DO CO") Voila. E-eh say-pers doh coh. ZACK: Does that mean anything to you? HODGINS: Korean restaurant? ZACK: Unlikely. There are obviously missing letters. We need to place the consonants most likely to appear with this configuration of vowels. And vowels to consonants. HODGINS: That is an enormous amount of variables, Zack. ZACK: Shh...Lee Snappers Doll Company. HODGINS: Don't think so. ZACK: Free Newspapers Dot Com. Keen Snappers Don't Come. HODGINS: Definitely not. ZACK: Knee Scrapers Dot Com. HODGINS: Oh my God. That's it. Motokneescrapers.com . How'd you do that? ZACK: Process of elimination? You realize I have no idea what it means. HODGINS: It's the website run by the journalist that Tripp put in a wheelchair. ZACK: So this man's pen was found on the murder victim. HODGINS: Or, it fell in the mud when the body was dumped. (Exterior shot of the Capitol, for no apparent reason. When we fade up, BRENNAN is in Ceramics Class with BOOTH, SWEETS, and his girlfriend, APRIL PRESA [Senta Moses], smiling as the pot she is throwing begins to take shape.) BRENNAN: I'm enjoying this. The last time I threw pots I was in Colombia with the Auroco Indians. BOOTH: (griping) Last time I did something like this, I was in nursery school. APRIL: (laughs) Well, we love it. Don't we, Lance? SWEETS: (smiles, forcedly) Yes. BOOTH: Well, I love my work, but I'm not going to talk about that right now, even though we think a paraplegic killed Tripp Goddard. APRIL: That sounds fascinating. SWEETS: April? APRIL: Oopsie! (forced giggle.) BRENNAN: (changing the subject) Dr. Sweets says that you work with tropical fish. APRIL: Yes, I love fish. They're just like people. BRENNAN: No, no they're not, actually. People can't breathe underwater. APRIL: (starts laughing.) She's funny. BOOTH: (snickers along.) BRENNAN: I am? What? Why is that funny? BOOTH: I don't think she meant that literally, Bones. BRENNAN: Oh. APRIL: It's their eyes. You can tell so much from eyes. BRENNAN: The retinal scan is as specific as a fingerprint. APRIL: No, no. Their souls. You can see their little souls. BRENNAN: I don't understand. You believe that fish have souls? APRIL: Yes. You can see it in their coloring; it's a reflection of who they are. BRENNAN: (still confused.) Their coloring has developed over millennia as a way to deal with predators. SWEETS: (To BRENNAN and BOOTH) April just means they're beautiful. APRIL: Don't tell me what I mean, Lance. I mean they have souls. SWEETS: Ah, okay. BOOTH: Hey, look what I'm makin'! (BOOTH proudly spreads his hands to reveal that, where APRIL, SWEETS, and BRENNAN have been using pottery wheels to throw similar thin-walled pots, he has constructed the beginnings of what looks to be a well-detailed carousel horse.) BRENNAN: You've done this before. BOOTH: (modestly) Nah... BRENNAN: You have. BOOTH: You really think that's good? BRENNAN: Yes, very. SWEETS: Yours is good too, April. APRIL: I'm not talking to you. SWEETS: (snickers nervously) APRIL: You think that's funny. BRENNAN: (stage whispers to BOOTH) Are they fighting? BOOTH: Just focus on your pot there. SWEETS: I'm with patients, April. BOOTH: Nope, no patients tonight. Just us people makin' pots. APRIL: You can't apologize for me, Lance. SWEETS: Can we please just move on? APRIL: No. It just-- I meant that, I believe that all creatures, people, fish, dogs, we're all connected. We all share the same stuff that makes life so beautiful and precious. BRENNAN: On a quantum level, that's true, although the word stuff is not accurate. APRIL: (smiles gratefully at BRENNAN, then, snidely, to SWEETS) See? (she slams a towel down on the table.) SWEETS: What? I have great respect for your fish. Admittedly, I might relate to other things more. APRIL: He kills about a thousand people a night. SWEETS: Yeah, in a video game, April. They're not real. BOOTH: Hey, Sweets, your thing there's droopy. (SWEETS's tall pot is starting to collapse like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.) SWEETS: (looks upset, then sighs.) BOOTH: Look at my horse! APRIL: Wow. SWEETS: That's amazing, Agent Booth. BOOTH: (makes horse-like noises as he moves the horse up and down as though it's galloping.) BRENNAN: Very impressive. BOOTH: Yes, it is. (BOOTH picks a stray piece of clay off the back of the horse and goes to flick it away; it strikes BRENNAN in a fairly personal region and she gasps.) Bones, I'm sorry. (BRENNAN slings back a lump of clay.) Ooh! Jeez! (BOOTH throws back a lump, and it destroys the top part of BRENNAN's pot. BRENNAN pouts.) Hey, Sweets, I apologize. (BOOTH begins breaking off more pieces of clay to sling at BRENNAN) This whole ceramics thing is GREAT! (SWEETS gets a big smile on his face.) SWEETS: (As BOOTH and BRENNAN continue to laugh, SWEETS breaks off a piece of clay and lightly tosses it at APRIL. She, in turn, grabs a handful of slip [clay with a liquid consistency] and slings it in SWEETS's face, even getting some on his teeth. It's very ugly. SWEETS tries to play it off with a nonchalant laugh.) Yeah, this is fun. (When BRENNAN has figured out what just happened and you're still trying to play it off, you're in trouble, dude.) (Random exterior nighttime shot of the Washington Monument with Dupont Circle behind it, and a shot of sunrise behind the Capitol building.) (BOOTH's car; daytime.) BOOTH: I tell you one thing, Sweets didn't get any last night. BRENNAN: They're too young to be in a serious relationship. In agrarian societies, young couplings made sense; the partnership was for survival, but today... BOOTH: You know, you can play the field and not plow it. BRENNAN: That was distasteful. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: I like April, though. BOOTH: She talks to fish, okay? I'm with Sweets on this one. BRENNAN: (gives BOOTH a look. BRENNAN's phone rings as BOOTH comes to the not-at-all inaccurate conclusion that his comment might've pushed the boundaries of decency. She answers the phone.) (Medico-Legal Lab; Jeffersonian. Room with all the drawers.) ZACK: Hey, it's Zack. (BOOTH's CAR) BRENNAN: Hi, Zack. (BRENNAN punches a button on the phone and puts it on speaker.) (Medico-Legal Lab) ZACK: The prybar from the garage is not the murder weapon. It's a prybar like this one, but not this one. The deep parallel grooves on the interior border are not a match. BOOTH: What about the blood? HODGINS: Apparently, the toluene--- (BOOTH's CAR) HODGINS: (over speakerphone, continued) caused a false positive. BRENNAN: What about the vertical fracture on the frontal suture? BOOTH: (pleased with himself and seeking approval) That's the forehead. BRENNAN: (looks at him strangely) HODGINS: Yeah, I did another scraping of the fracture and I found a sliver of glass with-- (Medico-Legal Lab) HODGINS: (continued) --a mastic film on it. The mass spec shows it as a nitrate of silver, so I think we're looking for some kind of mirror. BRENNAN: Good! Thank you. (BOOTH's SUV pulls up to a wooded area.) OPAL: (v.o.) Found it-- (We now see TRIPP's TRUCK, as OPAL lifts the crime scene tape surrounding it.) OPAL: --early this morning. No way of knowing how long it's been here. My guess is it was stolen, driven around some, then stripped for parts. BRENNAN: VIN number matches? OPAL: Oh, it's the victim's truck, all right. (Conspiratorially, to BRENNAN) Hey, I gotta tell you, I love working this one. I'm usually looking over some battered old heap for evidence, but the vehicles on this case (she exhales appreciatively) they are sweet. BOOTH: You got anything else for me? OPAL: Ah, they're testing mud on the bottom of the vehicle on the chance it might match where the victim was dumped. BRENNAN: Pry bar. BOOTH: Huh? BRENNAN: Pry bar. OPAL: Yup. Covered in blood. I blame the Stooges. BRENNAN: Excuse me? OPAL: The Three Stooges. They're always bashing each other in the heads with hammers and bricks and stuff, and never got hurt. People think they can do it too. BOOTH: Yeah. Thanks for that. OPAL: All I'm saying is that killings like this are Stooge-related. BRENNAN: Booth... BOOTH: Yeah? BRENNAN: Side mirror. (They both approach the truck.) Long jagged edge. He was standing by his truck, someone came up behind him and hit him with a prybar. BOOTH: Falls forward into the mirror. BRENNAN: Fracturing his frontonasal suture. OPAL: Huh? BRENNAN AND BOOTH: Forehead. BRENNAN: Booth, this suggests only one assailant. BOOTH: Can we get some lumino; check the mirror for blood? OPAL: Well, we're not hurting for blood around here. (She walks to the truck's in-bed storage container, which she pops open to reveal that it's streaked with blood.) BOOTH: Oh, jeez. Whoa! Whoa. OPAL: Don't need any luminol for this. BOOTH: So he was killed, loaded in the box, driven to the mud, and dumped. BRENNAN: That's physically impossible for a paraplegic to do. BOOTH: It's only one murderer; it wasn't Garth. Do we have any prints? OPAL: Just the victim's, but we did find some hair in the box where the body was placed. (An FBI Forensic Tech hands her a bag with the hair in it.) It's dyed. We're checking for the exact brand and color. BRENNAN: The roots are gray...it's short. BOOTH: Lenny Fitz...dyes his hair. BRENNAN: Why would Lenny kill his most valuable rider? (End Act Four.) (Begin Act Five. FBI Interrogation room. LENNY is massaging his forehead, accompanied by his attorney, SMALLS.) SMALLS: I'd like the record to reflect that my client has been drinking. LENNY: That's an understatement. SMALLS: And that he's rejecting my advice not to speak to you at this time. BOOTH: Did you drink a lot there, Lenny? Maybe out of guilt? LENNY: I lost a son, Agent Booth. A son. So excuse me for feelin' bad about that, all right? BRENNAN: Do you mean your biological son, or Tripp Goddard? LENNY: Lady, I loved Tripp Goddard like a son, but Danny--Danny was my son. There's a difference. SMALLS: I'm confused. Is my client a person of interest in this, or an actual suspect, and in which death? BRENNAN: Well, that depends upon whether or not the same person killed both Danny Fitz and Tripp Goddard. LENNY: You can't honestly think that I killed either one of them! BOOTH: Well, we found Tripp's truck. LENNY: Where? BOOTH: Clearing in Jackson State Park. BRENNAN: Forensic evidence shows that Tripp was murdered in the mechanic's bay and his body was transported in his own truck. SMALLS: What's that got to do with my client? BRENNAN: There's forensic evidence tying him (indicating LENNY) to the body. SMALLS: (disdainfully) What you got, a nail clipping, a piece of dried snot, a hair? BOOTH: No, we've got forensic evidence. SMALLS: Lenny, when was the last time you saw Tripp? LENNY: I told you, at the victory party. SMALLS: You shook hands with him, sat next to him at the bar, didja make out a little? LENNY: I hugged him. SMALLS: Any other questions about how trace evidence from my client may have wound up on Tripp's remains? BOOTH: Just hold him on suspicion; that's all. (BOOTH and BRENNAN rise to leave.) LENNY: Look, I didn't kill Tripp! SMALLS: I can get a court order to release him in less than an hour. LENNY: Look, why would I kill someone I just signed a business deal with? BOOTH: Wait, you---you what? SMALLS: Mr. Fitz signed ten percent of his company over to Tripp. BOOTH: You mean the motorcycle team. SMALLS: No, Mr. Fitz means the beverage company. BRENNAN: Slam Bolt Energy Drinks? (SMALLS nods.) Why offer so much? LENNY: Because he was the best. SO I offered him a piece of the business, as an incentive to race exclusively for Slam Bolt. SMALLS: And everybody's happy. BOOTH: Who isn't happy? LENNY: Every other motorcycle team. BRENNAN: Did Tripp Goddard sign? LENNY: I only got him the contract that night. SMALLS: And then hugged him. BOOTH: So you signed it, but he didn't. SMALLS: We don't know. (pauses, during which the Heavy Piano of Plot Import kicks up again.) You haven't found the contract, have you? (BRENNAN looks up at BOOTH, who is standing.) BOOTH: We'll be in touch. (BRENNAN stands and they both leave. LENNY buries his face in his hands.) (Exterior shot. BOOTH's SUV drives by a government building with Corinthian columns.) BOOTH: (starts out in v.o.) Sexual jealousy as a motive didn't pan out, professional jealousy was looking pretty good.... BRENNAN: Until Danny was killed. BOOTH: But money, that's always good. BRENNAN: (exhales) How much money? BOOTH: Well, company like Slam Bolt? Millions is my guess. BRENNAN: Tripp Goddard could've been attacked by more than one person; the skull shows that as a possibility. BOOTH: No changies, Bones. Prybar to the back of the skull, mirror to the face, no takebacks, one killer. BRENNAN: I'm just saying that maybe Philippa and Danny didn't like it when their father signed over a chunk of their family company to Tripp Goddard. BOOTH: Well, it's a good business decision. (off BRENNAN's look) Look, Garth wants Tripp dead for puttin' him in a wheelchair. Philippa wants Tripp dead for grabbing up a hunk of her father's company. BRENNAN: Two killers again? You said no changies and no takebacks. BOOTH: It doesn't scan. You know, ah...why would either Garth or Philippa want Danny dead? BRENNAN: You're the motive guy. BOOTH: Look, we found Garth's "knee scrapers" pen in the mud... BRENNAN: No, that doesn't prove anything. He gave them out to everybody. BOOTH: (scowls) It's...it's right here, Bones, it's right in front of us...but I just--can't get it. BRENNAN: That whole business with changies and takebacks --that's not real, right? BOOTH: No. (BRENNAN glances in a variety of directions. BOOTH looks over at her.) But I have another question. BRENNAN: Is there anything more we can learn from the murder weapon? BOOTH: No, that's a you question. My question is, how did the murderer know about the secret mud hole. (BOOTH's OFFICE. TIM is sitting in front of Booth's desk, on which a Philadelphia Flyers candy jar and a Pittsburgh Steelers coffee mug are sitting.) TIM: Look. I know I was breakin' the rules when I drove my truck on national park land. But, I mean, this girl...Didn't you see her? BOOTH: (is lining up a putt on his mini-golf set.) I really don't care about that. TIM: Come on, man, have a heart! BOOTH: Look, I got it about the girl the minute I saw her, okay? We all do things..(he putts) for the girl. TIM: So what do you need to talk to me for? BOOTH: I need to know how you found out about that mudhole. TIM: Oh. BOOTH: Oh, what? TIM: I don't wanna be a rat, you know? BOOTH: Look, sport, I don't care about the girl, or the mud, or the four-by-four, okay? Hardly anyone knows about that place and someone dumped a body there. TIM: (reluctantly) My friend told me about it. BOOTH: I need a name. TIM: He didn't do it; he's in a wheelchair. BOOTH: Your friend's name Garth Jodrey? TIM: How'd you know that? BOOTH: (points to his nameplate on his desk) Special Agent Seeley Booth. (with emphasis) Special.(He claps TIM on the shoulder.) (Jeffersonian, exterior shot. Day.) ZACK: (v.o.) This is the shaft-- (Interior, Medico-Legal Lab. Platform. We are focused on the prybar.) ZACK: (continued)--of the prybar. It's made of tempered steel with a shiny chrome covering. BRENNAN: The murder weapon we found on Tripp's truck. ZACK: Yes. As you can see, the chrome is compromised. (perplexed) Putting chrome on a prybar is not a good example of functionality. ANGELA: (shrugs) Maybe it was decorative. HODGINS: (looking at the magnification on a video monitor.) Those're blood flecks. BRENNAN: From the victim? HODGINS: We have no way of knowing until DNA tests is done. ZACK: The blood flecks begin approximately 25% of the way up the handle. BRENNAN: What does that indicate? ZACK: I have absolutely no idea. ANGELA: Oh, come on! Choke? (off the dumbfounded looks from HODGINS, ZACK, and BRENNAN.) Didn't anybody play softball or baseball? (ZACK shakes his head no.) Okay. (She picks up a similar prybar, and demonstrates the grip by holding the bar first by its handle, then by moving her grip upwards.) It's a choke-up. HODGINS: (catching on) For somebody not strong enough to swing the entire length of the bat, of course! It's a choke-up. (BRENNAN continues to look lost.) ZACK: (using the English-to-Brennan dictionary) To forshorten the fulcrum. BRENNAN: Yes, I see, because the murderer was weaker than the full-grown male human for whom the prybar was designed. ANGELA: Right, like a girl. Now, when I batted, I always had to choke up.And of course, I kicked ass. (She grins.) HODGINS: Sweet. BRENNAN: I'll have Cam check the DNA. (BRENNAN turns and leaves, to the accompaniment of a kicky musical sting.) (BRENNAN's office. We pan in from behind BRENNAN's tropical fish tank, to see BRENNAN sitting at a table. APRIL walks in.) APRIL: Excuse me. Temperance? BRENNAN: April, hi. APRIL: I, uh...wanted to talk to you, woman to woman, if that's possible. BRENNAN: It is possible, because we are both women. APRIL: (smiles slowly, then sits down at the table. She then stands back up.) Seeing you the other night, it made me realize that you have a very objective eye. BRENNAN: Thank you. APRIL: And you got to see Lance and me together, and I wonder if--if you might tell me what you think. BRENNAN: Could you be more specific in the question? APRIL: Oh. (sits down, breaths in heavily, then exhales.) Fish. Fish choose their mates based primarily on color gradations. Two gouramis, for example, one male and one female? They'll mate if they're both vibrant blue. Now, if the male becomes paler, which can happen over the course of time, the female becomes nonreceptive to the male, even aggressive--do you see where I'm going with this? BRENNAN: Sweets is too pale. APRIL: Yes. But let's say young, instead of pale, and go with that. BRENNAN: Is there an age difference? APRIL: (scoffs) Yeah. I'm almost 27, and Lance just turned 23. (pauses) What's the age difference between you and Booth? BRENNAN: Ah, five years, but no, we are not blue fish. APRIL: (gets it, and nods.) But still. He's very firm once you get him out of that suit, but ... BRENNAN: A pale blue. APRIL: Robin's-egg, really. (on the verge of tears)...And I'm a vibrant, vibrant cobalt.(pulling it together) Not literally, I mean, we're both mostly pink, in reality. BRENNAN: No, I understand. APRIL: (back to verging on tears, querulously) Did we seem good together to you? BRENNAN: April, it was--only one evening. APRIL: (nods) CAM: (leans in the door of BRENNAN's OFFICE) We got the DNA results from the murder weapon. BRENNAN: (to CAM) sx? APRIL: (tearily) Oh, it was much more than adequate, it was wonderful, really. (APRIL sniffs. Closeup on CAM's hilarious "WTF?" face, and CAM walks into the room.) I mean, he's a nighttime person and I'm most...enthusiastic in the morning, but that's not the problem. (CAM is right next to APRIL before she notices.APRIL looks up, and CAM gives her a cheshire-cat smile.) Oh.Sorry! You're--you're talking about work. (She makes a "locked-up-my-mouth-and-threw-away-the-key" gesture.) CAM: DNA says the murderer's female. (Stunned, BRENNAN opens the file folder.) (FBI Interrogation Room. BOOTH and BRENNAN are questioning SMALLS and PHILIPPA.) SMALLS:(v.o.) Excuse me, we're here about a mud bath? BOOTH: No, we got a sworn statement here from Garth Jodrey that Philippa Fitz took him to the mud hole three years ago. BRENNAN: To have sx. BOOTH: The same mudhole that Tripp was dumped in. PHILIPPA: I could give you a sworn statement that Garth took me to that mud hole. BOOTH: Oho, I slid that one right by her. PHILIPPA: What? SMALLS: You just admitted that you had prior knowledge to the location of a mud hole. BRENNAN: No changies. BOOTH: No takebacks. SMALLS: Answer nothing without prior confirmation from me. BOOTH: You killed Tripp because your father was about to sign the company over to him. PHILIPPA: What? SMALLS: Don't respond in any way. BOOTH: We have DNA evidence that shows that you swung the prybar into Tripp's head. SMALLS: According to the forensic report, the sample was very small, and was totally used up during the course of the test. BRENNAN: It's an accurate test. SMALLS: But it can't be repeated. And my client has a twin brother. Juries hate DNA evidence and twins. What's that sound? I believe that's reasonable doubt startin' its engines. BRENNAN: We have evidence that the same prybar was used to sabotage Tripp's motorcycle. SMALLS: A common tool left in a semi-public area? In a situation that could have arisen from incompetence rather than sabotage. BOOTH: (to PHILIPPA) You sabotaged the bike to kill Tripp, but he signed the contract before he could ride the bike and die the way he was supposed to. BRENNAN: So, you killed him with a prybar, loaded him onto his own truck, and dumped him in the mud puddle. BOOTH: Everything was great until your brother rode the bike that you sabotaged. PHILIPPA: You don't ride someone else's bike; Danny knew that! SMALLS: Philippa... BRENNAN: You killed him. Accidentally, but you did kill him. PHILIPPA: I loved my brother... SMALLS: Don't speak, please. (to BRENNAN and BOOTH) Are we free to go, or would you like to waste some more of the taxpayers' money? BRENNAN: She did it! SMALLS: You may get a prosecutor to lay a murder charge, but a jury will never bring home this baby the way you want it to. BOOTH: You're right. But, I'm still gonna make the arrest. SMALLS: To what end? You can't win! BOOTH: We let everybody know what Philippa did, including her father. PHILIPPA: (sobs.) BRENNAN: (brings BOOTH a cup of coffee in the conference area of the lab.) I'm okay with what you did there. BOOTH: Mmm...yeah, thanks a million, Bones. BRENNAN: Don't get mad; I'm just saying that, I just like it better when we catch 'em, and they go to jail. BOOTH: Yeah, well, sometimes it can get messy, Bones, but the point is, it gets done. BRENNAN: This one started out in a bit of mud and ended in a bit of mud. BOOTH: (laughs) That's very damned poetic of you. (A moody guitar begins to play as SWEETS enters the conference area, looking all forlorn.) SWEETS: Oh, hey guys. I didn't know you'd be here. BOOTH: Whaddya think, Bones? BRENNAN: He's lying. (to SWEETS) Do you wanna sit down? SWEETS: (shakes his head no.) Not really. BOOTH: Lying again. BRENNAN: (gestures with her head that he should join them.) C'mon. Sit down. SWEETS: Okay. BOOTH: April dump you? BRENNAN: How did you know that? BOOTH: He's got that "dump-ee" look on his face. SWEETS: (sighs) I'm a trained psychologist. I mean, I saw this coming; it's not like the signs eluded me. So I prepared myself mentally for it, and BOOTH: Hey, Sweets...Bones and I, we're going bowling tonight. BRENNAN: (playing along) Yes, yes, bowling. You know what, you wanna come? To go bowling with us at the bowling rink? BOOTH: Alley. BRENNAN: Bowling alley. The bowling alley. SWEETS: You know, fish aren't actually sentient. There's a reason people say "cold as a fish." (BOOTH and BRENNAN nod sympathetically.) Me? I'm a dog person. I think that has meaning. Don't you? BRENNAN: Sure... SWEETS: (in little-boy voice) Do you think April was pretty? BRENNAN (looks to BOOTH for what she should say; he shakes his head no.) Not at all. SWEETS: You're lying, Dr. Brennan. I appreciate the effort; thank you. BOOTH: (grabs the back of SWEETS's rolling chair.) Come on, Sweets, whaddya say we go bowling? (to BRENNAN as he drags SWEETS's chair out of there.) I got him, c'mon! SWEETS: (over BOOTH) Nah, that's alright... BOOTH: C'mon!
doc_168	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Mr Yikumura: Kira, you forgot all the research you did for that boy you like. Derek: We're not leaving without it. Peter: Somebody really doesn't want our hands in there. Chris: We're gonna need a lot more help. Stiles: Lydia's got sort of a talent. Lydia: I'm psychic. Deaton: You opened a door. It will draw them here, like a beacon. Agent Mccall: Bring him around back. And keep it quiet. No one needs to know except for the people who absolutely need to know. Melissa: Oh, here we go. Sheriff: Hey. He is not coming in. Agent Mccall: This is the only hospital that will take him. Sheriff: What about County? Agent Mccall: You'd be surprised how fast things fill up when a guy like this needs surgery. Melissa: They turfed him to us? Sheriff: Yeah. If County doesn't want to operate on him Agent Mccall: Then someone has to. Melissa: Somebody needs to do his pre-op interview. Agent Mccall: Who usually does that? Melissa: Me. Stiles: Get your ass down here now. We have a job to do. Scott: Dude, I'm already in bed. And aren't we getting a little old for this? Stiles: We do this for Coach. Scott: I thought we did this to Coach. Stiles: Whatever, okay? You know he needs this. He lives for this stuff. He loves it. Scott: But it's the middle of the night. Stiles: Which means it's after midnight and officially Mischief Night/Day, and, by perfectly awesome coincidence, it's also happens to be Coach's birthday. So if you are not down here in five seconds, I will destroy you. Okay? And I mean five, four, three, two - Scott: One. Stiles: I hate you. Agent Mccall: Try to keep in mind exactly what this guy's capable of. He's a former electrical engineer who decided to walk onto a school bus with a shrapnel bomb. He left four students dead and a fifth with no legs. Melissa: Just out of curiosity, have any of his psychiatrists made any progress? Agent Mccall: I'm told this is the same thing almost every day. When he gets out, he's going to do it again. And next time, he's going to get it right. Melissa: Mr. Barrow, do you understand that scar tissue has formed around a piece of shrapnel that remains in your body from a previous injury and that it is now blocking vital functions? Barrow: Yes. Melissa: Do you understand that we must put you under general anesthesia tomorrow morning in order to remove the obstruction? Barrow: Do the kids still pull pranks the day before Halloween? Melissa: You mean Mischief Night? Barrow: Where I'm from, we called it Hell Night. Hmm. And, yes, I understand. Melissa: Do you have any allergies to any medications? Barrow: No. Melisssa: Are you taking any medications other than the ones listed here? Temazepam. Divalproex. Barrow: I just take what they give me. Melissa: I'm going to need to listen to his heart.In And out. In. In. Barrow: Why don't you just ask the question you really want to ask? Melissa: Why did you do it? Barrow: I saw their eyes. Their eyes were glowing. I saw them. I saw their eyes! Their eyes were glowing! Their eyes were glowing! Their eyes were glowing! Scott: You're back in school? Ethan: No, just to talk. Stiles: Oh. That's kind of a change of pace for you guys. Usually, you're just hurting, maiming, and killing. Aiden: You need a pack. We need an Alpha. Stiles: Yeah. Absolutely not. That's hilarious though. Aiden: You came to us for help. We helped. Stiles: You beat his face into a bloody pulp. That's not helping. In my opinion, that's actually counter-productive. Scott: Why would I say yes? Aiden: We'd add strength. We'd make you more powerful. There's no reason to say no. Isaac: I can think of one. Like the two of you holding Derek's claws while Kali impaled Boyd. In fact, I don't know why we're not impaling them right now. Aiden: You want to try? Scott: Sorry, but they don't trust you. And neither do I. Ethan: What now. No. No way. Aiden: We never finished. Ethan: And we don't have to. Aiden: What if I want to? Ethan: You You seriously want to go back to high school? Is this about Lydia? Aiden: This is about getting Scott to change his mind. We're not just Betas anymore. We're Omegas. The bitches, remember? When everyone we've screwed over finds out we don't have a pack anymore, what do you think's going to happen? We're dead on our own. Ethan: That's still better than being back in high school. I'm not doing it. No way. What? I'm not taking math. Aiden: I'll take it for you. Stiles: All right, that's my face! Hey, dude, good decision, buddy. Good Alpha decision. Scott: I hope so. Stiles: No, you know so. than I can take What are you looking at? Scott: Me? Stiles: You. You looking at her? Scott: Her? Who her? Stiles: Her her. Kira. You like her? Scott: No. I mean Yeah, yeah, she's okay. She's new. Stiles: So, ask her out. Scott: Now? Stiles: Yes, now. Scott: Right now? Stiles: Right now. Scott, I don't think you get it yet. You're an Alpha. You're the apex predator. Everyone wants you. You're like the hot girl that every guy wants. Scott: The hot girl? Stiles: You are the hottest girl. Isaac: What? Scott: I'm the hot girl. Isaac: Yes, you are. Coach: Peek-a-boo! That's all you got? That's it? Son of a bitch! Mischief Night, Devil's Night. I don't care what you call it. You little punks are evil. You think it's funny every Halloween my house gets egged? A man's house is supposed to be his castle. Mine's a frickin' omelet. Oh, this? We're gonna do this again? I don't think so. "Happy Birthday." "Love, Greenberg." Danny: What are you doing? Lydia: There's a fly. Doctor: Anybody else here think I should make a minor slip and let this bstrd bleed out on the table? That's just a little surgical humor, Melissa. Relax. Clamp, please. Suction. Let's see what we have here. Oh! Okay, that's That's That's not shrapnel. Uh, 10 blade. What's the problem? You're missing your 10 blade? Melissa: Doctor Doctor, I think you should see this. I really think you should see this. Ah! Move! Move! Melissa: He's gone. Barrow's gone. He's going to be okay. Stay with me. Peter: Ow! Don't you have any anesthetic? Derek: Yep. Peter: Well, are you at least going to tell me what I risked life and digit for? Derek: I'm going to show you. After the fire, that's all that was left of her. Peter: Talia. I can't decide if that's touching or morbid. I guess the real question is, what are you planning on doing with them? Derek: I have to ask her something. And from what I've heard, this is the only way it's possible. Peter: You gotta be kidding me. Derek: Why do you think I sewed your finger back on? Melissa: Sheriff? Sheriff. Sheriff: Hey. Melissa: These dead flies everywhere? They came out of Barrow. Out of his tumor. Sheriff: Is that even possible? Melissa: Maggots can come from the body. It's called myiasis. But from the stomach? It's not likely. And there's something else. Last night, he told me why he killed those teenagers. Sheriff: Yeah, I know. I read the report. Glowing eyes. Melissa: We know a few kids that fit that description. Agent Mccall: Listen up, everyone. The stolen ambulance has been spotted. Corner of Truman and Spaulding. Sheriff: That's three blocks from the school. Let's go. Go! Lydia: Oh, no. I don't think so. There's no way you come back here after two weeks of nothing, with your cute little smile, the dark eyes, the brooding forehead, the muscles, and suddenly we're ripping each other's clothes off in Coach's office. No way. It's not gonna happen. Aiden: Guidance office? Lydia: Okay. Stiles: Wait a minute, wait a minute! The William Barrow? The Shrapnel Bomber? Spotted nearby? Sheriff: A little closer than nearby, actually. Agent Mccall: How do we get down to the basement? I need to know where every entrance is. I don't want anybody coming in or out of the school. Stiles: Dad, what's really going on here? Isaac: Barrow went after kids with glowing eyes? He said those exact words? Stiles: Yeah. And no one knows how he woke up from anesthesia. Just that when they opened him up, they found a tumor full of live flies, which in any other circumstance would be all kinds of awesome. Lydia: Did you say flies? Allison: Lydia? Lydia: All day I have been hearing this sound. It's like This buzzing. Allison: Like the sound of flies? Lydia: Exactly like the sound of flies. Mr Yukimura: All I'm saying is, I don't understand why you're sitting here with me instead of in the cafeteria with the other kids. Kira: Maybe I want to keep you company. Mr Yukimura: You should be embarrassed to be seen with me. Not keeping me company. Kira? You must have some friends by now. Kira: I don't know what's wrong with me. I had a lot of friends back home. But here it's like every time I open my mouth, I just start rambling like an idiot. Mr Yukimura: Try again. Fail again. Fail better. Kira: Are you quoting Samuel Beckett to me? Mr Yukimura: I thought that was Yoda. Someone will show an interest. You're a beautiful girl. How could they not? Kira: The only one who's shown any interest in me is a rabid coyote. Mr Yukimora: Maybe you could date the coyote? Kira: I don't want a date. And I definitely don't need a boyfriend. I just want to make a few friends. Stiles: Sorry...Hey, dude, where the hell have you been? Lydia: The police are leaving. Why are they leaving? Scott: The police? Stiles: They must have cleared the building and grounds, which means he's not here. Scott: Who? What are you guys Lydia: He has to be here. That sound The buzzing I've been hearing? It's getting louder. Stiles: How loud? Dad! Dad! Sheriff: Yeah? Stiles: You can't leave yet. Sheriff: We got an eyewitness that puts Barrow by the train station. Agent Mccall: Let's go, Stilinski. Stiles: Whoa, whoa. Dad, please just Lydia said that he's still here. Sheriff: Did she see him? Stiles: Not exactly. No. Well, not at all actually. But she has a feeling. A supernatural feeling. Sheriff: Lydia wasn't on the chessboard. Stiles: She is now. Sheriff: Kanima? Stiles: Um, Banshee. Sheriff: Oh, God. Stiles: I know. I know how it sounds. But basically it means that she can sense when someone's close to death. Sheriff: Can she sense that I'm about to kill you? Stiles: I don't know. Sheriff: All right, look, I'm not saying I don't believe, but right now, I'm going with eyewitness over Banshee. We're leaving a few deputies here. The school's on lockdown till 3:00. Nobody comes in, nobody goes out. Buddy, that's the best I've got right now. That's the best I can give you, Stiles. Stiles: You're leaving me here, that is not That is the worst. Scott: You got it? Melissa: Promise me you'll be careful. I looked right in this guy's eyes, and it was terrifying. Scott: Yeah. Okay, Mom, I promise. Okay? Melissa:Okay. Scott: Lydia thinks that he's still here even though the cops searched the whole school. But they didn't have one thing Our sense of smell. Allison: The Bestiary is literally If I'm going to find anything about flies coming out of people's bodies, it could take me all night. Lydia: And remember, the word in archaic Latin for fly is musca. Allison: Got it. Lydia: Where do we start? Stiles: Upstairs. We gotta go. [SCENE_BREAK] Isaac: So this is how it's gonna be now? We trust them? Scott: Just because I'm letting them help, doesn't mean I trust them. Isaac: Yeah, well, I don't trust them either. Or like them. In fact, I hate them and just want them to die. Scott: Well, if Barrow's actually here and he's got a plan, you might get what you want. Aiden: You got something? Ethan: Oh, really? Lydia: Scott and Isaac are in the basement, right? Stiles: Yeah, with Ethan and Aiden. The plan is they meet in the middle, in the boiler room. Lydia: All of the wolves All of the ones with glowing eyes are in the basement at the boiler room? Stiles: Oh, my God! An engineer could use a boiler room to blow up the whole school. Lydia: We have to get them out of there. Stiles: We have to get everyone out. Lydia: How do we do that? Coach: Wow. Pulling a fire alarm on Mischief Night is one thing. Doing it when there's a mass murderer spotted nearby is insane! If I was four years younger, I'd punch you. Stiles: What? Coach, that doesn't make sense. Coach: Oh, well, it does to me! Stiles: There. Aiden: We didn't find anything. Scott: Not even a scent. Stiles: It's 3:00, so school's over. If there was a bomb, wouldn't he have set it off by now? Aiden: Does that mean everybody's safe? Lydia: I don't know. I just I don't know. Coach: How loud are you playing that thing? Let's go! Get the hell out of here! Peter: You know, there's always an element of danger to rituals like this. I'm not particularly fond of them. Unless they somehow benefit me. Derek: What do you want? Peter: I want to keep them. Sentimental value. She was your mother, but she was also my sister. What? Am I not allowed a little bit of sentiment? Derek: Too long. Peter: No! No, wait! Mr Yokumura: Kira? Get ready for dinner. And put on something nice. Kira: Why would I need to wear something nice? Mr Yokumura: I invited a guest for what I like to call the. "Thank You for Saving My Daughter from Becoming a Coyote Dinner" dinner. Scott: Hey. Kira: Oh, God. Ms Yokumura: So, Scott, I'm sure that as a native Californian, you've eaten at some pretty impressive Japanese sushi restaurants. But I have to tell you that my husband is a superb chef. Mr Yokumura: Okay, we have hamachi, uni, ikura, and hirame. Ms Yokumura: You've never eaten sushi before, have you? Scott: Is it all raw? Mr Yokumura: Not the rice. Kira: Oh, my God, guys. We were supposed to have lasagna tonight. Mr Yokumura: I was trying to impress him. I didn't want to bring out the You know what? I'll make lasagna. Scott: Oh, no, no! It's okay. I can try anything. Really. Okay. Kira: Uh Here. Try holding this one like a pencil. And this one goes under it, like this. Then you just move the top one, - like, like this - Yeah. Scott: Thanks. Ms Yokumura: Sushi? Lydia: What do the different colored strings mean? Stiles: Oh, just different stages of the investigation. So green is solved, yellow is to be determined, blue's just pretty. Lydia: What does red mean? Stiles: Unsolved. Lydia: You only have red on the board. Stiles: Yes, I'm aware. Thank you. Lydia: Did you get detention for pulling the alarm? Stiles: Yep. Every day this week. It's okay, though. We were onto something. Lydia: Even though we couldn't find any proof of Barrow being there? [SCENE_BREAK] Stiles: Hey, Lydia. You've been right every time something like this has happened, okay? So don't start doubting yourself now. Lydia: No scent. No bomb. And I got you in trouble. Stiles: Okay, look. Barrow was there. All right? You knew it. You felt it. Okay? And look, if you wanted to, I'd go back to that school right now and search all night just to prove it. Get up. Get up now. We're going to the school. Isaac: Electrified the windows? Allison: Yep. Isaac: Didn't wanna say anything about it? Allison: Nope. Isaac: Okay. Allison: What are you doing here? Isaac: I figured you could use an extra pair of eyes. Allison: Can you read Latin? Isaac: No. But I can look at pictures. Peter: That's not exactly my color. This is going to be excruciatingly painful. Derek: Just do it. Peter: Oh, I'm going to. I just wanted you to know we all have our petty revenges. Scott: So you guys moved here from New York? Ms Yokumura: I have family ties here. Several generations. Scott: Yukimura is Japanese, right? Ms Yokumura: Mmm-hmm. Mr Yokumura: Yes. Yes, but I'm actually Korean. When my wife and I married, I took her name, as she was the only surviving member of her family. Scott: You didn't want to take both names? Mr Yokumura: We were married in Japan, where the law says that the couple must share the same name. To belong to the same koseki. My wife's lineage is quite unique. I was actually going to discuss it in class. Kira: Please don't. Ms Yokumura: Kira. You should be proud of your heritage. It was a profound honor to join your mother's family. Kira: Scott? What happened to your wasabi? Scott: I thought it was guacamole. Lydia: So what are we looking for? That was supposed to be locked. Stiles: Yeah. I know. Notice anything else? Lydia: It smells like chemicals. They wouldn't have been able to catch his scent. Stiles: He was here, performing very minor surgery on himself. You were right. Lydia: Then why don't I feel good about this? Stiles: Probably because he was here to kill somebody. Lydia: But who? Stiles: That's what we gotta figure out. We could spread out, start looking for Anything. Lydia, what are those? Lydia: Atomic numbers. Stiles: Is it a formula? Lydia: Not really. 19's potassium. The first two make potassium iodide Stiles: Potassium is K? Lydia: From kalium, the scientific neo-Latin name. Stiles: What's radium? Lydia: R-A. Stiles: Kira. Scott: Yes, Mom. I ate sushi. Melissa: I didn't even know that you could use chopsticks. Scott: Mom, can I ask you something? Melissa: Yeah. Scott: Why didn't you How come you never changed your name back to Delgado? Melissa: Do you mean, why did I keep your father's name? Scott: Yeah. Melissa: Yeah. Because it's your name, too, honey. I gotta go, sweetheart, okay? I love you. Scott: Oh, thank God. No offense to sushi. Kira: Yeah, we probably should have started you out on California rolls. Scott: Mmm-hmm. Kira: Mmm. Isaac: You find anything? Allison: There's a reference about flies being able to carry messages to the dead. What about you? Isaac: Oh, just Beelzebub, the Lord of the Flies. Allison: Are you serious? Isaac: What? Allison: You were just trying to kiss me. Isaac: No, I wasn't. Allison: Then what were you trying to do? Head-butt me? Isaac: All right, maybe I was trying to kiss you. Allison: Are you completely, totally out of your mind? You actually think that I would want to kiss you? Or Or any other werewolf again? Because trust me on this, I would never kiss you. Ever. Isaac: Never. Allison: Never. Isaac: Okay. All right, fine. I won't kiss you either. Chris: Allison. Can I see you in my office?... Where I keep my guns. ...Another werewolf? Peter: Did you see her? What did you ask her? Did she say anything about me? Well, that doesn't look good. Scott: Thanks for dinner. Kira: For the sushi or the pizza? Scott: Uh The pizza was good. Kira: You seem like a really nice guy. And not just because you kept me from getting eaten by a coyote. Scott: Did I do something else? Kira: Yeah. You remembered my name. Stiles: Scott! Scott? Scott! Scott: Barrow, he took Kira! Stiles: We know. He was after her the whole time. Isaac: No, nothing. Just stuff about flies and the dead. Nothing else. Scott: All right, thanks. We have to think of something. He's going to kill her. Lydia: I knew he was there. How did I know that? Stiles: Because you heard the flies, right? Scott: What do you hear now? Lydia: Nothing. I feel like I can do this. But I don't know what to do. It's like it's on the tip of my tongue, and I don't know how to trigger it. I just I swear to God, it literally makes me want to scream. Stiles: Okay, then scream. Lydia, scream. Lydia: It's not flies. It's electricity. Stiles: Wait a second, Barrow was an electrical engineer. He worked at a power substation. Scott: What substation? Kira: What are you doing? Barrow: Right now? Ah. Right now, I'm gonna take your picture. Hmm. Just a little proof of our time here together. A little proof for all of those people who never believed. Kira: Okay, you got your picture. You want to let me go now? Barrow: Oh Did you ever see a movie called Village of the Damned? The original. Not the remake. Nobody cares about crappy remakes. I'm talking about the 1960 black-and-white masterpiece. Huh? It's about this group of children. Blonde-haired, beautiful children who can make their eyes glow. And they do terrible, terrible things. The tag line on the poster read, "Beware the stare that will paralyze the will of the world." Now, when I told everyone that I saw children with glowing eyes, they wouldn't believe me. I tried to get them to do something. But they wouldn't budge. They wouldn't move. As if they had been paralyzed. I am going to shake them out of their paralysis. I'm going to get them moving. I'm going to I am going to galvanize them. Stiles: Okay. Wait here, all right? Just wait for the cops to come. Lydia: Me? Wait, why? Stiles: I only got one bat. Kira: Scott! No! Look out! Scott: Don't She's not She's not the one you want. No Don't. Stop! No! Allison: Isaac! Isaac! Chris: Isaac! Isaac, come on, open the door! Allison: Isaac! Chris: Isaac, open up!
doc_169	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Angel to Darla: "You're never gonna be alone again." Door burst open, Dru walks in. Lindsey: "How did you think this would end?" Dru bites Darla. Lilah: "For God's sake, help us!" Holland: "People are gonna die." Angel, closing the door: "I just can't seem to care." Darla bites Holland. Wesley: "Right now the three of us are all that are standing between you and real darkness." Angel: "You're all fired." Angel throws down his cigarette and flames engulf Darla and Dru. Darla and Dru sit underneath the water spray from the fire hydrant. Darla: "Who was that?" Los Angeles, Hyperion Hotel, night. Angel steps up to the glass doors leading to a balcony and looks out over the lights of the city. Cordy takes down a box of papers from a shelf. Wesley is kneeling on the floor of their new office looking through another stack of papers. The place is a mess. There are papers strewn everywhere. Wesley: "When they went out of business they just left these here?" Cordy: "Yup. Also the desk. We'll share." Wesley: "And when we go out of business we can just leave our stuff for the next guy." Cordy: "Hey, hey, negative energy boy, with all of our money pooled together we can stay here a long time." Wesley: "Hmm. 20 minutes." Cordy: "At least." Wesley: "Angel Investigations without the angel. - You think we can do it?" Cordy: "Well, we better. I mean, what else can we do? And I still have the visions. That'll keep us busy sometimes." Wesley: "We're gonna need a lot more than that. A steady, outside clientele." Cordy: "It'll happen. This is our future, you know? And, personally, I think it is pretty bright. Ow! (Hits her head on a planter hanging from the ceiling) Dead plant! - Not symbolizing our future. Really!" Gunn comes in: "Okay, everyone parked within ten blocks has a flyer on their windshield. We just slightly irritated almost a hundred people. (Wrinkles his nose) Does it smell funky in here to you?" Cordy: "It'll air out. And good job with the flyers. Now we can just sit back and let the calls roll in." Gunn trying the phone: "They better roll in through a bull horn. We've got no dial tone." Cordy: "What?" Wesley: "Perhaps it's the wires." Wesley crawls under the desk while Cordy checks the phone. Cordy: "They said it would be on by now!" Gunn: "One desk? We're sharing?" Wesley from under the desk: "Aha! Things are looking up. I think I found the right wire. Ah!" All the lights go out. Gunn: "I'm so glad I met you guys. It's entertaining. Really." Angel lies down in his bed - and wakes up to the sounds of someone singing the star-spangled-banner. He frowns, then gets up. Comes down the stairs into the lobby of the Hyperion, stops on the landing, crossing his arms. The Host sees him and interrupts his song. Host: "Hey, big fella. You're gotta be singing all the time in here, am I right? Come on, with these acoustics? (sings) 'and the rockets red glare!' - Do you hear that resonance?" Angel: "What I hear, and maybe, hopefully, I'm still dreaming, is the star-spangled-banner being belted out by a loud green demon." Host: "We're all brothers under the skin, mi amigo. Although the garden hue and the horns have kept me out of some key public performances. Just once I'd love to ring in a Lakers game with our national anthem. Is that so much to ask?" Angel: "Yes! Is there a reason you're here?" Host: "There is. What's today? Thursday? Tomorrow night - the world's going to end. I thought you might want to know." Intro Angel: "So the world's gonna end." Host: "Brings you right down, doesn't it? - Don't feel the need to offer your guest a frothy cappuccino or a hot cinnamon roll." Angel sitting down in a chair with his arms crossed: "I don't." Host: "Man, you just get darker and darker. And the weird thing is, your aura? Beige." Angel: "I don't have coffee." Host runs a finger across the top of a desk: "Or a duster, buster. I don't know why you fired those three plucky kids. They were good company. Not to mention, Cordelia? Uh! Hot-o-rama! In the 'oh my sizzling loins' sense of the word, if you know what I mean. And the British boy? He's gonna be playing a huge - well. " Angel: "Are you gonna get to the world ending or are you just gonna chat until it does?" Host: "All right, all right! Although my buoyant good will falling on your deaf ears is something we'll need to look at in the future. The world ending? Huh, it's kind of a funny story. I'm at the club last night. Fairly typical Wednesday crowd. A Torto demon and his parasite were murdering the Everly Brothers..." We see the scene the host is describing. There is a horned demon singing a duet of 'Bye, bye Love' with the head sticking out of his belly for a crowd of assorted demons. At one table sits a young human male, with curly brown hair and glasses. The Host is accepting a drink from the bartender. Host: "...which is nothing compared to what Elian had done to my sea-breeze!" We see the host take a sip and grimace. Host to bartender: "Is this a difficult concept? Were we absent the day they taught sea-breeze in bartender school? Vodka, cranberry, fresh grapefruit juice. Which requires a real live grapefruit. One you must cut and squeeze, not pour from a can." Host: "...Oh. The man is such a moron. You have no idea how I'm suffering since Ramone left." Angel: "Oh, I have an idea. Can you just get to the point already?" Host: "Yes, I can, if you'd let me get a word in edgewise, Mr. Get-to-the-point-y-pants. - So this guy I've never seen before - gets up to sing. Usually I love it. You know, they sing, I read their futures, their auras, I see into their souls..." Angel: "So this guy..." Host: "The thing that was remarkable about him was there was absolutely nothing remarkable about him..." The human gets up and goes up to the mike: "This is a song that I like, because..." Host: "...Just your average Joe about to mangle a tune and bore me with some bland vision of his bland future..." Gene sings 'All By Myself' up on the stage, not outstanding, but not bad either. Host: "...But when he started singing - man, he knocked me out!" Angel: "He was good?" Host laughs: "No, Angel-face, he knocked me out." We see the host dropping to the floor in front of the bar. Host: "...When I came to he was gone." Angel: "He didn't wait to hear what you saw on him?" Host: "Nope-ah." Angel: "So what knocked you out?" Host: "I looked into this guy and I saw - he has no future after ten o'clock tomorrow night - and neither does anybody else." Angel gets up from his chair, arms still crossed: "Let's say I do believe you." Host: "Oh, honey, let's say a lot more than that. We've got to find this guy. This is the big blackout we're talking about. This guy is gonna do something between now and tomorrow night. I don't know what, but it's gonna cancel everybody's summer plans. We got to find him and stop him." Angel: "Why'd you come to me?" Host: "Isn't it obvious? You're a champion. A unique force for good in a troubled world. - Also, all the other champions I know are currently out of town or - dead. Why? You don't want to work with me? - Is this because I sent you on a couple of missions that turned out to be a little..." Angel: "Pointless and deadly?" Host: "As for example. But I sent you on those missions in good faith. And we interrupt this broadcast to inform you: world ending? Kind of an emergency situation here. You might want to get on board." Angel: "So why did this guy leave the club before you had a chance to tell him what you saw?" Host: "People get scared. They come in for a reading, then they don't wanna know. Especially when the psychic faints and, uh! - a teeny bit of vomit... Lets-lets not dwell." Angel: "Maybe he's just a guy who likes to sing Karaoke. Maybe he doesn't know anything about you." Host: "That'd make more sense. - So what we should do is to start with the other local Karaoke bars, see if we can get a lead on him. That is if you're not to busy getting lawyers killed and setting girls on fire. Outside of a college or university campus, day. Gene is standing in front of a dry erase board contemplating some equations written on it. Two students watch him through a glass window from above. Mike: "Someone forgot to wind time-boy." Val: "He's thinking. Something you ought to try." Mike: "Very funny. He's really not that much smarter than the rest of us." Val: "I guess that's why his work on the time paradox earned Professor Orfalla a Nobel nomination and your work on carpet mold was promptly forgotten by everyone?" Mike: "You know what you are?" Val: "Yes. I do, Mike. And if you say it I'll put your face in liquid nitrogen." Val gets up and knocks on the glass door leading down into Gene's lab. Gene turns around and goes up the steps to open the door for her. Val: "Hey. What's the good word?" Gene: "Entanglement." Val following him down the stairs: "How's that again?" Gene: "In Newton's world space and time are separate entities, in Einstein's their entwined." Val: "Einstein's entwined. Can you say that ten times really fast?" Gene staring at his equations: "So how is it that altering one particle of an entangled pair causes the other particle to be affected - without any communication between the two." Val: "Because space and time are one." Gene: "So how do you separate an entwined pair? You don't. You can't. In fact you probably shouldn't even try." Val: "I never do." Gene: "What you should do is carve out - one (writes another equation on board) instant - at a time." Val: "Look, I like the theory of freezing time as much as the next Star Trek nerd..." Gene: "It's not freezing time, although that is what it would look like to an outside observer. I'm talking about removing one infinitesimal space-time aggregate of from all that surrounds it." Val: "A tiny event horizon." Gene: "Sort of. And then growing that event into something measurable and controllable. Your dog and his favorite bone preserved forever - in his own impenetrable little bubble." Val: "And who's gonna clean up that bubble?" Gene: "If I could just get the math right, I should be able to prove it (walks over to some other equipment) by generating a focal point with the accelerator's beams here and passing liquid mercury - through that point." Val: "Suspending the mercury. Snatching it out of our time-space continuum - and freezing the moment." Gene: "Forever." A red head enters the lab. Val: "Denise. Thank god you're here. Your boyfriend was just coming on to me with the old Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen correlation." Denise smiles: "That's what got me - out of physics and into theater." Gene: "Hi, sweetie." Denise: "Hi." Gene: "How are you?" Denise: "Good. You?" Gene: "Good. So, what's new? (Denise shrugs) - I guess we're on for tomorrow night." Denise: "Uh-huh, we are." Gene: "Big night." Denise: "Yeah. One year anniversary and all." All three stand around for a moment. Denise: "Well, we-we should, ah..." Gene: "Oh, you guys are gonna take off?" Denise: "Yeah." Gene: "Okay. Well, I guess I - I'll see you tomorrow night then." Leans in to give her a quick kiss. Denise: "Don't work all night." Val: "You know he will." The Host and Angel enter a dingy bar. One of the customers is slumped asleep at a table, wrapped around a bottle. A boy is singing 'Greensleeves.' Angel: "Nice." Host: "Hmm, it's not that bad. Nothing a couple bottles of lysol can't cure." They walk over to the bar. Host watching the singer: "Interesting choice. Too bad about the cuisine art tomorrow. You know, if we stop the world from ending tomorrow the scar won't even be that noticeable. (Angel looks at him) Sorry. Occupational hazard." Angel: "Is he here?" Host: "Nope." Angel drops down on a barstool and rubs his forehead. Angel: "Seventeen Karaoke bars. You know, I need to lie down and scrub out the inside of my head." Host: "Well, maybe we're wrong. Sniffing a cold trail." Bartender: "We don't get your kind much." Host: "Excuse me?" Bartender: "Demons. We get a couple now and then but they're usually vampires passing for human." Host: "Well, I never pass on anything, mister, especially when it comes with a little umbrella in the glass." Angel: "You worked here long?" Bartender: "Eleven years now. It used to be a regular bar. But then they put in one of these Karaoke machines. Thought it would bring in the customers. It drove most of them away. We got a few steadies that make up for it." Angel: "Steadies?" Bartender: "A lot of students. They're grad students." Host: "Fits the descrip." Angel: "We're looking for a guy, early twenties, medium build, maybe one of your steadies, sings sad songs like 'All By Myself.'" Bartender: "Sounds like the kid." Angel: "Name?" Bartender: "I don't know his name but he comes in every few weeks. Runs with the whole broken heart songbook. First time I thought somebody died. But after a couple of weeks I figured he was just one of those manic depressants." Host: "Hey, Goliath, you got a good picture of this grad student in your head? (Bartender shrugs) Well, how about singing a few bars of 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow', hmm?" Bartender looks over at Angel. Angel: "Oh, you know, he's a demon. You better do what he says or he might - talk your ears off." Bartender: "For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow..." Host: "Yeah, it's him. It's our boy. Fabulous tone by the way, really nice vibrato. And you keep plugging away on that novel, F. Scott. Art is its own reward. (Aside to Angel) Got to give the people hope. (To bartender) Now this grad student, which university would that be?" Cut to the university at night. We scan past his desk and a picture of Gene and Denise together to find Gene still working on his equations. Gene: "Nine to the eleventh where 'P' is invariant. X, y and z are zero and time is orthogonal to the other three axis. Given 'A' and 'A' slash zero - equals momentum and mass energy... (goes over to enter some stuff on his laptop) and the conservation of p-x, p-y... and p-z - here goes nothing." He watches as his machine forms a field where the four emitted beams intersect. Watches the mercury droplet fall - through the field. Turns the machine off. Gene: "There went nothing. (Throws something small at the dry erase board) This is never gonna work." Walks up the steps and out of his lab. A gray skinned, pointy-eared, raccoon-eyed demon comes out from behind some barrels and speaks in some foreign language. Demon (subtitles): "He's the one. He doesn't know it yet, but he's the one. (Walks over to the dry erase board) From nothingness the human pestilence came, into nothingness it goes." The demon causes the crystal on top of his staff to glow red. The red glow shines on a part of Gene's equation and changes it. Break Cordy is setting out armfuls of candles in their dark office. Cordy: "There. See? We'll work without the harsh glare of flourescents, or all that distracting computer information." Gunn and Wesley are sitting next to each other behind the desk, not moving. Gunn: "Cordelia - stop trying." Cordy: "Really?" Wesley: "Join us." Cordy sits down beside Gunn with a sigh. Wesley: "Sometimes you need to wallow. Just let the depression settle in - silently." The door opens and Virginia walks in carrying a gift basket and a bottle of champagne. Virginia: "Hey! Wow. This place is great. I brought champagne. You guys must be so excited (takes in their looks) in that really dry, suicidal way." Wesley gets up and greets her with a quick kiss. Wesley: "Sorry, sweetheart. You just caught us in a moment of... Well..." Cordy taking the bottle of champagne from Virginia: "Reality." Virginia: "Oh - that. I avoid that." Gunn: "How do you avoid reality?" Virginia: "Money. It cures everything but boredom (holds up the basket) and food cures boredom, so there you go. Imported chips and packets of cheese." Gunn: "Thanks." Wesley: "We'll enjoy them huddled around our pathetic candles." Cordy: "We'll make pathetic nachos." Cordy pops the cork and takes a sip from the bottle. Virginia: "You guys are really down." Gunn: "Yeah. And don't try to tell us there is no way to go but up, because the truth is - there is always more down." Virginia: "Oh! And that was very well said by the way. But I found a case for you. A client. A rich one." Wesley: "Really?" Cordy: "And this isn't the first thing you say when you come in the room?" Virginia: "Well, I got distracted by your waves of desperation. But it's true. My friend Patricia, her family, they've got like this big guy that's been harassing them, hanging around the house getting scary, and they'd be really grateful if someone got rid of him." Gunn: "That sounds easy." Cordy: "Uh, wait. By 'big guy' do you mean demon?" Virginia: "Yeah. And by 'house' I mean palatial estate, and by 'grateful' I mean they'll give you big tubs of cash. Really rich family. They invented, uhm, I don't know, like - chairs, or something." Cordy: "We'll do it! We'll do anything." Virginia: "Oh, that's so sad. Anyway, he's a Wainakay demon, and he got the eldest son already." Cordy: "So there's been a death? (Virginia nods) You just let these facts kind of dribble out, don't you?" Virginia: "I'll call Patty and tell her you'll take the job." Wesley: "Uh, sweetie, no phone." Cordy: "Also no lights." Gunn: "And there's a funky smell." The three of them start to leave the office. Virginia: "I wasn't gonna say anything." The university, day. Gene enters his lab, sees the equation on the board. Gene: "Nine to the seventeenth. Where C squared and E squared are obtained by differentiating them... four velocity! Four velocity termination?" Quickly takes off his jacket and enters the changes in his laptop. Turns to watch as the mercury drops into the field and - remains suspended within it. Gene: "I did it. - Oh, this is a yee-ha moment. I - I definitely think this is a yee-ha moment!" Runs out of the lab. Gene: "Yee-ha-ha!" Gene runs across the campus past the Reynolds Library. Angel and the host enter the library through a door with a 'basement access' sign on it. Angel: "Where did you learn how to drive?" Host: "Just now in your car. Not bad for a beginner, huh?" Angel: "What? You nearly got us killed - four times." Host: "Someone had to drive. You weren't exactly qualified, huddled under a blanket in back, hiding from the sun. (Turns to face the shelves as a student passes them) I better stick to the shadows and think of something to say should we happen upon a comely co-ed." Angel: "Tell her you're the new school mascot. Wait here." The host pulls out a book and opens it to hide most of his face behind it as he watches Angel walk up to the information desk. A girl walks by, glancing at the host and he quickly raises the book to duck behind it completely. Comes back up to see the guy behind the desk handing Angel a stack of books. Angel hands half the stack to the host. Angel: "Student yearbook/faculty publications going back past five years. Lets see if we can't find your little madman bent on destroying the universe." Host: "I like to think of him as our little madman. That's just me, team player, you know?" As the host puts the book back on the shelf and turns to follow Angel, we see one of the raccoon-eyed demons standing on the other side of the stack. Denise and the girl from the physics lab are sitting outside on a bench. Val: "You alright girl?" Denise: "Huh? - Yeah. Fine. I'm good. You know, I'm - not - perfect. Oh, god." Val: "Come on, spit it out. You're among friends." The camera pans past the banister behind the bench they're sitting on to show Gene coming up the steps behind them. Gene hears Denise voice and slows to a stop. Denise: "This has to stay among friends. You can't repeat this to anybody." Val: "I won't." Denise: "I just - I just don't think that it's gonna work out with me and Gene." Gene freezes behind them on the steps. Val: "Oh. And tonight is your guy's one year anniversary!" Denise: "You think I don't know that?" Gene just kind of sags. Val: "Oh, honey." Denise: "I mean, Gene's a wonderful guy." Val: "Yeah?" Denise: "But he's just sort of - hollow, or something. When I'm with him I feel - I feel lonely." Val: "Maybe that's because he is. You know I love him, but he is an energy sucker." Denise: "I have to break up with him." Val: "Uh. Not to be a massive bitch or anything, but couldn't you figure that out before the big anniversary do?" Denise: "He's got the whole thing planned. He's making me dinner at his place." Val: "What are you gonna do? (Denise just looks down) Oh, my god. You're gonna give him the sympathy bone, aren't you? It's gonna be dinner, sympathy bone, and adios Gene. I'm totally right, aren't I?" Denise: "Well, we've been together for a year. I can't just - walk out on him! It just wouldn't be right. Not after all we've..." Val: "No, you're right. The post-sympathy-bone-walk-out is you're only escape hatch now." Denise: "It was really sweet there for a while. Really sweet. But it's just - it's just not the kind of love that lasts." Gene turns around and walks back down the steps. The host and Angel are looking through the yearbooks at a table at the library. Angel: "This him?" Host: "It is not." Angel drops his book and picks up another one. Host: "Oh, got him. - He's a physicist - and a pretty good one according to this." Angel grabs the book from him: "I'll find out where the lab is." Angel shows the picture in the book to the guy behind the information desk. Angel: "Hi. I'm just trying to get a hold of - Gene Rainy? He's a grad student in physics." Guy: "Oh, yeah. He's our own Stephen Hawking. Ah, what do you want with him?" Angel closes the book and shakes the guys hand. Angel: "I'm sorry. Leonard Taubman from the Taubman Foundation. We just freed up some new grant money. I was hoping to earmark it for Gene." Guy: "Wish I was a genius. He's got his own lab in the physics department. (Picks up a campus map) Uh, it's about a quarter of a mile from here. You just stay on this path, go past Kelton hall... (sees something behind Angel) What is that?" Angel without turning around: "Don't worry. School mascot." Angel drops onto the desk as one of the raccoon-eyed demons buries a strangely shaped ax in his back then turns to where the host is sitting. Gene enters his lab and looks at a photo of him and Denise together, smiling. Turns to look at the dorps of mercury hanging suspended in the air inside the field. Gene: "So I'll give her the kind of love that lasts." Break [SCENE_BREAK] The raccoon-eyed Lubber demon is trying to free his ax from the back of a computer monitor. The host stands and watches as it and Angel fight. The host says something in demon, then picks up a book and throws it. The Lubber demon leans to the side and the book hits Angel, knocking him back onto the stairs. Host: "Sorry." Angel ducks another hit with the ax then kicks the Lubber over the railing of the stairs. The lubber picks up a chair, says something to Angel in demon, then throws the chair at him. Angel bats the chair aside and watches the demon run off. Angel to host: "What did you say to it?" Host: "I said we come in peace. I don't think he believed me." Angel: "And what did he say to me?" Host: "He said 'you shall not stop the golden child, the one for whom we have waited.' Lubber demons, they have a way with words." Angel: "What's a Lubber demon?" Host: "Fanatical sect, awaiting a messiah who will usher in the end of all human life. A lot of your demons don't yak about it in mixed company, but it is a pretty popular theology in the underworld." Angel: "So this mad scientist has these demons worshipping and protecting him while he blows up the planet... or what? - What's he gonna do?" Host: "Lets get to his lab pronto and find out. It's pretty clear we're dealing with a criminal mastermind." Gene is singing 'All By Myself' while setting up his equipment in the basement of his apartment complex. Angel and the host are entering Gene's lab where Mike is examining what is left from Gene's setup. Angel: "Hey, we're looking for Gene Rainy?" Mike: "So am I. Somebody took his equipment?" Angel: "What equipment?" Mike: "Particle accelerators, propulsion batteries... (sees the host) What's that?" Angel: "Don't worry. It's just the new school mascot." Mike: "For the Buccaneers?" Host: "Not your school, silly." Angel: "Do you know what Gene Rainy was working on?" Mike: "Ah. Time paradox. Accelerate specific particles out of our continuum into their own excised universe." Angel: "Come again?" Host: "Stopping time." Mike: "Which is impossible by the way. No one can do the math. Does anybody listen to me? No. He gets the grants I get carpet mold." We see Gene continuing to set up his equipment, setting up the mirror panels around his bed and putting the switch onto the night stand. Angel (voice over): "Alright. Lets say he could do it. Lets say he could stop time. How would it work?" Mike (voice over): "Well, you know, according to his speculations you focus the accelerators on a specific point, and if you can generate the correct velocity, whatever is in that field would just be removed." Angel (voice over): "Removed." Mike (voice over): "From our reality." Gene is straightening his bedspread and sets a red rose down on it. Host (v.o.): "What happens to it?" Mike (v.o.): "Nothing. In the absolute sense of that word. Whatever is in the field would stand still forever in its own private universe." Host: "Say, someone, just for fun, were to crank this into overdrive." Mike: "If the field were improperly contained it would spill out. Keep growing, stop everything (the host and Angel look at each other) - kind of wiggy, huh?" Angel: "Who has the keys to this place?" Mike: "Only Gene. Even the maintenance guys can only come in when he's here." Host: "No forced entry." Mike: "Why would Gene take his own equipment?" Angel: "The question is where would Gene take his own equipment." Gene is lighting the candles on the table set for a romantic dinner. Angel and the host are driving down the street in Angel's convertible. Host: "So there is another gear after that number two thingy? (Angel gives him a look) Oh, relax. I'll pay for a tune-up. Unless the world ends, then I'm off the hook." Angel: "Well, if it saves you some money, then I guess it's a good thing." Host: "Oh, this whole sour pussy mode of yours, it's starting to grate. You know what your problem is? - Are you listening?" Angel: "Do I have a choice?" Host: "Your heart isn't in it anymore." Angel: "I don't have a pulse so technically I don't have a heart." Host: "Technically, someone puts a stake through it you don't have anything anymore. So, Bubba, your heart counts." Angel: "I have no idea what you're babbling about." Host: "Yes, you do. If the world were to end tonight, would it really, in your heart of hearts, be such a terrible thing? (Angel doesn't answer) Now- now, sweetie, is that a fun place to be?" Angel: "I think you should shut up now." Host: " I'm the host. Have you met me? I never shut up. You pushed your friends away. You went from helping the helpless to hunting down the guilty. Blood vengeance is a luxury of the lesser beings. You're a champion, Angel. I mean - you were, at least." Angel: "What do you want me to tell you?" Host: "Everything. What's in your heart, why you stopped caring. You know, the whole ball of wax, so I can help you get back on your path. No need to rush, we got time. You know - not a lot." Gene is setting a bowl of salad and a little wrapped jewelry box on the table, then checks his watch. He host is singing to himself while Angel looks over at him from time to time. Host: "La la la li, du du dum..." Angel: "You want to know what my problem is? I'm screwed. That's my problem. I can't win. I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of unthinkable evil. News flash! I never can! Never going to be enough. Now I got Wolfram and Hart dogging me, it's too much! Two hundred highly intelligent law-school graduates working fulltime driving me crazy. Why the hell is everyone so surprised that it's working? But no, it's 'Angel, why you're so cranky?' 'Angel, you should lighten up. You should smile. You should wear a nice plaid.'" Host: "Oh. Not this season, honey." Angel: "Redemption. Darla had a shot at redemption. They took it from her. Now I have to hunt her down and kill her. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna kill her, and then I'm gonna burn that law firm to the ground. My crew - they couldn't handle that. That's good. It means that they're still human. It means their better off fired." Host: "You kind of left them in the cold." Angel: "It's a lot colder in here." Host: "It's not always gonna be this way. The song changes. Unless, of course, we don't get there on time, in which case - you'll be frozen in this crappy mood forever. I shudder to think." Angel looks over at the host: "We'll get there." Host: "Look out!" Angel looks back around to see a figure standing in the middle of the road. The car hits it and sends it flying over the car as Angel hits the brakes, bring the car to a stop. Angel and the host get out to check on who they just hit, but when they turn the body over it turns out to have been a Lubber demon. Angel and the host straighten up to see more Lubber demons converge on them from all sides, carrying more of their strangely shaped axes. There is a knock on Gene's door. He checks his hair in the mirror real quick then opens it to let Denise in. Gene: "Hi." Denise: "Hi." Gene: "You look, uh... - Well, happy anniversary." Break Gunn pulls his ax out of the back of a horned demon lying on the floor in Patty's house. Patty's dad pats him on the back: "Good job, man. We're very grateful." Wesley is examining one of the demon's legs. Wesley: "Oh, yes. We found the killer (lets the leg drop) just not the murderer." As Wesley gets up we can see the whole family sitting in on a couch and chairs in the background. Aunt: "What's he talking about?" Wesley: "This demon was a puppet. Acting under the control of someone else. Someone in this room." Cordy eyes a tray of hors d'oeuvres. Cordy: "Are these for everyone?" Wesley: "What do we know? We know that when we arrived yesterday there was a noticeable scent of foxglove and hellebore. (Cordy is eating the hors d'oeuvres) Not to keep this demon out, as one might suspect, but rather to keep him in so he could carry out the murderer's clever plan. (Wesley turns to look at the father) Such a plan would require the skills of a master wizard." Dad: "I don't do that stuff anymore." Wesley: "Then we have the footprints in the soft soil under the widow outside the solarium - far too small and not webbed to belong to this demon." Aunt: "But Kevin told you, those were his." Dad: "He snuck in late last night." Wesley: "Loudly, so we all could hear. Supposedly from seeing that shop girl in town. But we all know that Kevin is impotent, so why put on the show? (Everyone turns to look at Kevin) Perhaps to cover for the real killer - unless Kevin in fact is the real killer. With Derek gone, the family inheritance falls to you, the younger brother and black sheep of the family. - Unfortunately you had neither the opportunity nor the intelligence to perpetrate this crime. - Sorry about the impotent remark. - So if Kevin was to have control of the money, who would have control of Kevin?" Cordy pointing at the empty tray: "Are there any more of these little..." Wesley clears his throat. Cordy: "Sorry." Wesley: "His sister? His mother? - Both powerful forces in his life, both with their own agendas. But only one person knew the secret that would allow them to blackmail Kevin for the rest of his life. Only one person took pains to hide their muddy shoes. Only one person reeked of foxglove and hellebore. Only one person was responsible for the death of Derek Bointon - his own sweet, doting Aunt Helen!" All the Bointons gasp. Dad: "Helen!" Aunt Helen jumps up from her chair and runs for the door only to have Cordy block her way. Cordy: "Not so fast, sister." Gunn to Wesley: "That was cool." Wesley: "It wasn't that difficult. You just - have to keep sifting the evidence until the truth finally hits you." Angel is fighting the Lubber demons fast and furious, while the host stands on the sidelines, watching as if it was a boxing match. Two of the Lubbers decide to go for the host. The host lets out a loud high note, causing them to drop their axes and cover their ears in pain as we hear some glass shatter, then kicks one between the legs and hits the other across the chin, dropping them both, before going back to watching Angel. Gene and Denise sit at the dinner table. Gene: "So how was scene class?" Denise: "Well, you know - Jack - thinks he can't play it without a goatee." Gene: "The footstool would have a goatee?" Denise: "Well, you know Jack. (She lifts the necklace hanging around her neck) Thank you for the, ah... It's really pretty." Gene: "It made me think of you. (Denise looks down at the food on her plate) - Are you all done?" Denise: "Yeah. I'm not that hungry. - It was good. It was really good." Angel knocks down another Lubber demon. Host: "Hurry!" Angel runs over to his car and jumps back in the driver's seat. Denise picks up the rose on Gene bed and smells it. Denise: "That's sweet." Gene: "I'm sorry about the clutter." Denise with a smile: "It wouldn't be you without it." She slowly takes off her blouse and lets her hair down. Angel's car is speeding down the road. Gene and Denise are in bed under the sheets, kissing. Gene: "I love you." Angel's car pulls up in front of Gene's building, and he and the host get out. Angel: "Okay. If I had a machine to stop time, where would I put it?" Host: "Probably were the demons can guard it." The host points at a Lubber demon. Gene is on top of Denise in bed. He reaches over to the nightstand and flicks the switch that turns on the machine down in the basement. A beam shoots straight up from it, bounces off a mirror in Gene's bedroom to another one. The time field begins to form above the bed and to slowly spread to cover first Gene then Denise, who freeze in place. Down in the basement a Lubber demon is entering new control functions on Gene's laptop. The machine revs up and the field starts to grow. The Lubber demon nods to himself, then turns as another of its kind comes crashing down through the window, followed by Angel. The field is growing down from the top apartment. It engulfs and freezes a guy sitting down pouring himself a beer. Angel is fighting the two Lubbers in the basement. Knocks one of them down, then smashes its head in the open door of a dryer sitting there knocking it out. The other Lubber hits Angel from behind, then hits him hard enough to send Angel flying to the top of the basement stairs. The Lubber charges up the stairs after him. Angel rolls onto his back and uses his feet to catapult the Lubber into the wall, then jumps down to the basement floor. The Lubber launches himself into the air to stop Angel before he can reach the machinery, but the time bubble spreading down through the ceiling freezes it in mid air. Ducking low, Angel scrambles over to the machine and pulls out some wires. The bubble shrinks and the Lubber lands on the hard ground instead of on Angel. Angel picks up its dropped ax and buries it in its back. The bubble continues to shrink, unfreezing the guy pouring his beer, unfreezing Denise and Gene and vanishes. Angel, breathing hard, looks around the basement. Denise is sitting on the edge of the bed with the sheet wrapped around her, her back to Gene, lying back on the bed, covered by a blanket. Denise: "Gene, we have to talk." Gene: "I can't believe this." Gene is sitting at his table with Angel and the Host, fully dressed. Gene: "Listen, I am - really, really sorry. I had no idea I was putting the whole world in jeopardy or - or there were all these demons. - Although the idea of aliens among us is consistent with Murdoch's multi-verse. I just - I just didn't want her to leave." The host looks at Angel and motions with his head towards Gene. Angel glances back and forth between the host and Gene, then takes a deep breath. Angel: "Well, you know - love (lets out his breath) it's a fire." Gene: "You been there." Angel: "It burns you. - Alive. (Gene frowns at him) Down to the bone. And then it turns the bone to ash..." Host: "I-I think what my chipper friend is trying to say here, Gene, is the wheel keeps turning. You can't stop it. Sometimes things get worse, sometimes they get better." Gene: "I want the wheel to stop - which probably explains the whole time in a box disaster. I can't emphasize enough how sorry I am about that." Host: "It just don't work, Gene-y. It's like a song. Now, I can hold a note for a long time (laughs) actually I can hold a note forever. But eventually that's just noise. It's the change we're listening for. The note coming after, and the one after that. That's what makes it music." Gene: "I guess. - - You guys like beer?" Angel: "Beer sounds great." Gene gets up: "I'm glad you guys, ah..." Leaves the room. Host to Angel: "You're connecting to a human. That's a start. Although I'd go easy on the bone and ash metaphors for a while." Angel: "Well, the guy is a disaster at love, and nearly destroyed the world. I can relate. - Yeah, I guess I did kind of leave 'em in the cold." Host: "What, your buddies? By firing them?" Angel: "Yeah. - Yeah, I guess I made it pretty hard for 'em." Cut to Cordy, Wes and Gunn dancing. There is music playing and their candlelit office is filled with people. The camera changes to give us a look in through the window in the door from outside. Cordy looks towards the window and stops dancing, pats Wes on the shoulder and walks towards the door. A human, middle aged male is walking in through it. Cordy: "Hi." Wesley: "How are you?" Man: "Uhm..." Gunn: "You alright?" Man: "I just - I need help. Is this Angel Investigations?" Wesley: "Uh, yeah, you're in the right place. Ah. Sorry about the confusion." Cordy: "We're just having a little celebration. A new beginning kind of thing." Man: "Oh, well, maybe I should..." Wesley: "No!" Gunn: "No, no. You need help, you're in the right place. We can talk in back. Come on in." Man: "Which one of you is Angel?" The three of them exchange a glance. Wesley: "It's just a name." FADE TO BLACK
doc_170	This is the address for Luke Cafferty. Where does he really live? East Dillon. You're gonna have to pack up your stuff. Starting tomorrow, you're going to be going to school at East Dillon High. What? Kind of looking for a place. I do have this trailer. Cheryl: I am going to give my daughter a call. Hey. Don't want you to scare her. (stammering) I'm your new intern. Yeah, I got a bunch of crap in here. I need you to start moving it. Why did you forfeit the game? You just quit on us? I have got shame and I apologize to you. Who wants to finish this fight? Dallas: Let's do this, fellas! Let's finish it. Let's finish it. ( Park where the Lions are gathered around an old red car, Stan sits inside. ) Eric: Hey, listen! Ten of you are gonna push the car. Once we get out there and everything, the rest of you hold the helmets and collect the money. Understood? Be careful, don't get your feet run over while we're out there. Any questions? Tank: Matter of fact, I do have a question. Eric: What is it Tinker? Tinker: Why are we pushing this damn car? Eric: One, you need to watch your language. Two, next time I see you I want whatever that is on your upper lip shaved off. And I tell you why we're pushing the car, cuz it's a fun football fundraiser. And we're all gonna have fun so we're all gonna put smiles on our faces right about now. Team comes out, town comes out, money gets exchanged. It's a good thing. Understood? Tinker: Got it coach! Eric: Let's be kind and courteous out there. Let's go. ( The team starts pushing the car out of the parking lot. ) Stan: (into his megaphone) Hello neighborhood! We're the Lions! (he roars) Let's hear it guys! (roars) [EXT. Dillon Church] ( Tami and Julie exit the church, headed to the car. Tami is holding Gracie. ) Tami: Even at church, everyone is really not being nice to me about this whole Luke Cafferty thing? Julie: Yeah, well, that's our congregation. All sweet and holy inside the church. Then as soon as they get out the door, bitchy and judgmental. Tami: Well, welcome to the world, honey. Julie: It's not gonna be my world. Tami: What's not gonna be your world? Julie: Going to church with a bunch of hypocrites. ( Tami starts to load Gracie into her car seat. ) Tami: Honey, hypocrites are everywhere. It has nothing to do with church. That's no way to think about it. There's always going to be some bad apples but church is about you and God and things other than just people.. Julie: So if it's just about me and God, why can't I just worship at home? Tami: I mean, I think church is also about community and family and you know, there's just a lot to it. [EXT. Streets of East Dillon] ( The team is pushing the car down the street while Stan yells out. ) Stan: We need your quarters, your dollar bills, your good wishes in monetary fashion! Let' hear it boys! Tinker: (to Vince as they push the car) I feel the love. You feel the love? Vince: Shut up, stop sweating on me and push this piece of junk, okay? Stan: We got forty bucks, people! Thank you, good people of the street! Eric: (to people donating money) Good to see 'ya! Thank you very much! Thank you very much! Stan: We are the East Dillon Lions! Speed up! Speed up! Feed us! Roar!!! ( Tim walks up to Coach. ) Tim: I'm out. Eric: What do you mean you're out? Tim: I'm out of money. Eric: What do you mean you're out of money? Tim: I'm out of money. ( Eric pulls some cash from his pocket. ) Eric: (handing it to Tim) Listen to me. This is all I got left. That's about a hundred bucks. Don't give it all to one person. Tim: Alright Eric: Spread it out. Tim: I'm trying, some are taking it. Eric: Well, give it to people who won't take it. Stan: Look at these boys pushing this car for ten miles! [EXT. Richard Sherman's studio] ( Matt grabs a rusted tricycle and takes it into the studio where loud music is playing while Richard welds. ) Matt: Hey! Here's the tricycle. Richard: What? Matt: Tricycle! ( Richard stops working to look at it. ) Richard: That's great. Listen, I need you to drive me to Clearwater on Tuesday. I need to pick up some metal so I can finish this piece of crap. Matt: Why do you call everything you work on 'crap'? Richard: Because it is all crap. I call the Mona Lisa crap. In fact, the Mona Lisa is crap. There are better things I call crap. Matt: Alright, well, Clearwater is like 200 miles away. Richard: Just about. Matt: Right. And I gotta shift I gotta do so I... I mean, I can't take the whole day and chauffer you up there. Richard: Yeah, yeah, you're here to learn about art from an artist! You can't take a day off because you gotta a shift to deliver pizza? ( Matt has no comeback for this so Richard just gets back to work. ) [EXT. East Dillon High School] ( Eric is walking with the Principal Levi. ) Levi: We already have uniforms. Why do we need new ones? Eric: Cuz I burned the uniforms. Levi: Taylor--- Eric: I burned them. That's what you do. They're damn thirty years old. It's not like I just burned them for no reason. You end the old cycle, you start the new, Levi. You know, you get rid of the past. Levi: Uh-huh. Taylor: Fact of the matter is, the team and I we went out and we made up a good amount of money it's just that... Levi: That's good. Eric: We're just... we're just a little shy of what we need and all I'm asking is you and the school, is if you help us with the down payment. Hell, we can pay for the rest of them. Levi: I don't think you understand the financial situation here. We ain't close to talking about more money for football. Eric: Listen Levi, it's expensive to start up a new football program... Levi: Starting up a new football program is a little premature. Let's see if we can finish up some games before we start writing some checks. Eric: What the hell is that supposed to mean? Levi: You can't finish games, I can't keep this program going. I can't have no students getting hurt. I don't want no jokes down at the school board meetings. I'm tired. Either you turn it around or we're gonna shut it down. Eric: What do you mean shut it down? You're gonna shut down a football program? Levi: Taylor! You weren't even supposed to take this job! You weren't supposed to be here. So you're the only who didn't get the joke. Okay? ( CREDITS ) [EXT. Tim Riggins' trailer] ( Becky is knocking. ) [INT. Tim Riggins trailer] ( Tim is crawling out of bed. ) Tim: Yes? Yeah! [EXT. Tim Riggins' trailer] Becky: Morning! I made you toast. Tim: Are you serious? Becky: Yeah. It's worth it, eat it. Tim: What time is it? Becky: Morning. Hey, and since you're up, can you give me a ride to school? Tim: No. Becky: Come on. Put some pants on. ( She starts to close the door. ) Becky: Watch your head. Watch your head. ( She closes the door. ) Becky: Hurry up! I'll be waiting in the truck. Tim: What's wrong with you? [INT. Taylor Kitchen] ( Tami is feeding Gracie Belle. ) Tami: Here you go, sweetheart. There. Here's your sippy. Julie: Good morning! Tami: Hey, Honey. Jule: Good morning, Grace. Tami: You know yesterday in church, all that stuff you were saying... Do you feel like we're making you go to church? Julie: It's not like you're making me go to church it's just... you know, something we all do as a family. It's like a tradition but if you stop going than I don't think I'd probably keep going. [INT. Restaurant with the West Dillon coach and boosters.] Joe: Coach Taylor at half-time: We're done! We're beat up! We can't play anymore! ( Laughter all around when Buddy enters the restaurant. ) Joe: I couldn't believe it! Buddy: Hey, guys. ( It's quieter now. ) Booster: Hey, Buddy. Buddy: Well, you're waiting on me. You're backing up. Booster: We missed you at the game Friday night, Buddy. ( Buddy starts to sit down and Joe is just sitting there smiling like a Prince on his throne. ) Buddy: Yeah, I had to listen to it on the radio. I was really sick, it's terrible. Joe: Anything you feel like sharing with us, Buddy? Anything about a certain mailbox or an old friend of yours named Eric Taylor? Buddy: Oh, no. I don't think so. I don't know what you're implying. (all eyes focus on Buddy) I think this Luke deal has made everyone go a little crazy. (he twists his State Ring) You know, Joe, I was a Panther before everybody here. So, I'll just pretend you didn't say that. Go ahead with the agenda, Joe. ( Joe has that smile on his face. ) Joe: Alright then. Gentlemen, there is a 13-yr old quarterback in a Pop Warner League down in Little Tree that needs a closer look at. Who's gonna go down there for me? [INT. East Dillon Locker Room] ( Team just hanging out. Vince is eyeing Luke as he chats with Landry. ) Player: Lions in the house. Let me hear you say, "Oh yeah!" Vince: (to his friend, referring to Luke) What the hell that dude so happy about? Player: I don't know what he happy about. I guess he think he gonna come down here and kick our asses or something. Vince: Something. Tinker: He's all, I'm a Panther. Player: We the Lions. Eric: Let's go, guys. Let's go! Let's go. Stan: Come on boys! Execute! ( Vince lingers until Luke walks by. ) Vince: You're a long way from home boy. Luke: I guess so. [EXT. East Dillon Football Field] ( Practice. Tim is there helping out. ) Eric: Come on, get after him. Pick him up. Pick -- come on, Vince. What are you doing, man? You're dancing out here. Dancing. Don't start my day off like this. Why is it I'm always talking to you? I spend half my day, my practice, talking to you. Get in the front. Do it again. Get in the front. Let me see it. Luke come here. I want you down at the defensive backs. Luke: I don't play D, coach. Eric: If I tell you to get down to the defensive backs you do. Get on the defensive backs. Tim, you wanna take him down? If you'd like to hurry that up, that'd be just fine. Tim: Riggins. Luke: I knew that. It's a pleasure, man. Eric: (focusing back on practice) Do it again. Let me see it again. Get after him! Move him! Come on, let me see some of the speed! Tim: How you doing? Luke: I mean, I'm alright 'cept I don't play DB. Tim: It's alright. Luke: What are you doing here? Coaching now? Tim: I'm helping out when I can. Luke: Nice. Tim: Yeah. Luke: I saw you win State. ( Luke raises his hand to either high-five Tim or maybe as a gesture to see Tim's ring. Either way, Tim ignores it. ) Tim: Yeah, here. You go DB it up. Luke: Alright. [EXT. Panther Pizza] ( Matt is exiting with his deliveries while Julie reads something to him. ) Julie: His last installment at the Austin Museum of Modern Art is nothing short of mind bending. A violent fusion of metal and artistry that invokes somehow both anger and beauty through a complex interplay of architecture and light. Brilliant, visceral, and ultimately, ethereal, this work is not to be missed. Matt: Are you sure you got the right Richard Sherman? ( Julie opens up the hatchback to Matt's station wagon so he can load the pizza. ) Julie: Yup, it's him. Matt: "Brilliant and ethereal"? Julie: That's what it says. Matt: The dude is like an angry, abusive idiot. I don't understand how he can get described as ethereal. Julie: I don't know. Maybe it's his evil twin. Matt: Yeah, maybe. Clearwater and back. This is going to be 400-miles of Hell. [INT. East Dillon Locker Room] ( Coach is working on fixing the lights when a man enters. ) Man: Hey, coach. Eric: Hey, Doug, how you doing? Doug: I'm good. ( Eric finishes with the light. ) Doug: Nicely done. Eric: How is everything? Doug: Good. Good. The uniforms are look great, they're coming along, look beautiful. You're going to be real happy. Eric: Look, I know... I know I'm late on payment and all this but... Doug: Nah, look I know things are rough here right now. It's just we're gonna deliver on Friday. Eric: I understand we've had a few little hiccups with our fundraising and uh... Doug: Sure, sure. Well, look Coach. You've been a friend of Under Armor for a long while and that's why we're doing this at our cost and I'm gonna throw in some hats and polos for your staff cuz you helped me out when I was starting off, you know. So I won't forget that. Eric: I appreciate that, I appreciate the... Doug: But I'm gonna need a little something to, uh, take back to Baltimore. Eric: I understand. How much? How much is it that you need - today? Doug: Five. Eric: Five thousand? Doug: Alright, um, you give me three now and two more on delivery and we'll let it go at that. Eric: Alright. ( Eric pulls out a personal check. ) Eric: Alright. That's good, thank you. Doug: Yeah, absolutely. ( Eric writes out the personal check and hands it to Doug. ) Doug: Let me get that for you. Eric: Listen, I appreciate that very much. I appreciate your understanding. Doug: This, uh, a personal check, Coach? Eric: Yes, it is. Doug: This gonna be okay with you? Eric: If it's okay with you, it's okay with me. Doug: Oh, yeah. Alright. I'll get it going. Eric: Thank you. Thank you very much. Doug: Thank you. ( Doug leaves. ) Doug: Alrighty! Eric: Alright. [INT. Coach and Mrs. Coach's bathroom] ( Tami is applying her make-up. ) Tami: Julie the other day was talking about how she doesn't want to go to church anymore. I think she's questioning her faith or something. Eric: Well, you know what? She's a teenager. You give her a week and she'll turn around. Be a hundred and eighty degrees. Tami: Yeah but who knows where she'll go from there. Eric: Well, I don't think she's going to hell anytime soon so I don't think you have to worry about it. Listen, I gotta go meet with Buddy tonight. I'm gonna try and figure out how in the hell you're supposed to beg money from the Boosters. Tami: Ugh, I hate that. Alright. Hey, listen, did you write a check and not put it in the book because there's a check missing. Eric: Oh yeah, it's uh, for Reds. It's for the Dry Cleaners. It's for $45. Tami: Honey... ( Eric starts to leave. ) Eric: Sorry. Tami: You've got to put that stuff in the book. Eric: I know. Tami: I can't keep track. Eric: Alright. [EXT. Richard Sherman's Studio] ( Matt drives up in his station wagon when Richard exits acting like he's been waiting all day. Matt starts to get out when Richard gets in. ) Matt: Well, I'm here. Richard: Come on, let's go. We got 200 miles to cover. Matt: We're taking my car? I hope you're paying for gas. Richard: So I'm teaching you the meaning of life and I'm supposed to cover for gas, too? Matt: Meaning of life, yeah. Richard: Maybe I should get you a lunch and how about a damn souvenir? Matt: I'm just saying this is a non-paying internship, okay. Richard: Smells like old pizza in here, man. Matt: Well, that's how I pay for gas. Glad you're masking it with cigarette smoke. Richard: That's cool. That's cool. [INT. Coach's Office] Eric: Landry! Landry: Yes, sir! Eric: Come here. ( Landry walks in with his helmet put funnily on his face. ) Landry: Yeah, coach? Eric: I want you on special teams today working on bunting. Landry: Yeah. I'd love to catch some punts. Eric: Good. Landry: That's uh... Eric: I don't want you catching. I want you punting. Landry: You want me, like, um, kicking the ball? I don't know if I've ever... Eric: Yeah, that's what you do when you punt the ball. Landry: No, I, uh understand... Eric: You work on it. Landry: I know what it is. Eric: Special teams punting. Can you do that for me? Landry: Yes, sir. I just, I'm only... Eric: I appreciate it. Landry: Always considered myself kind of a...hands man. Eric: I need a punter! So if you would consider hang times and coughing corners, I'd appreciate that. Thank you very much. Landry: Yes, sir. I'll got start practicing right now. Thank you, Coach. ( Landry leaves and Eric rubs his head when Luke knocks. ) Eric: Yeah? Luke: Coach, can I have a word please? Eric: Yeah, sure. Come on in. Luke: Coach, I think we got off on the wrong foot and I just wanted to clear everything out. I just want to say, I don't hold anything against you. Everything that happened between me and your wife over at Dillon. And I'm not here to give you a hard time. I'm here to play football. Eric: Well, good. I'm glad. I'm glad. Luke: Okay. Eric: Cuz I don't think you should be holding it against me. As far as my wife is concerned, my wife wasn't the one who caused these problems for you. You caused these problems for yourself, isn't that about right? You were doing something knowingly wrong and you got caught. Yeah? That lands yourself right on a plate of responsibility so why don't you take that responsibility. And as far as the rest, we'll see what you got when you're out there. Luke: Alright. Thanks, coach. [EXT. Junkyard] ( Matt and Richard are loading metal into the back of the station wagon. ) Richard: (holding up a piece of metal) You see stuff like this, okay? Get that, too. Matt: Alright. You know, when you're looking at all this rusty, metal stuff, you know, it's all dirty and stuff, do you see something in it? Richard: Do I see something in it? Matt: I mean, like something, like you know, like, for your art. Richard: (picking up a piece of safety glass) Oh, oh... shh. Oh my, oh, oh, I see the face of God. ( He drops it. ) Matt: Alright. Richard: I don't know, man! I don't know. You ask too many damn questions. Questions. Matt: It was one question. Richard: Gonna take a little break. Not you but... Let's get the rest of that stuff in there, alright? Matt: Yeah. [INT. Bartender's House] ( Tim exits the bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth and heads to the living room where he sees Girl. ) Tim: Hey. I had to borrow your bathroom cuz mine's not working. Becky: Okay. Tim: I talked to your mom about it. She said it's cool, so... Becky: (laughs) Okay, I don't care. Hey, which one do you like better? (she holds up two dresses) The red one or the pink one? Tim: For what? Becky: I have a pageant coming up and these are kinda old but I don't think they're too short. What do you think? Tim: Yeah, I don't think I'm qualified. I think it's best to ask your mom about this kind of stuff. Becky: She's not here. And you don't need to be qualified, it's just a dress. Which one do you prefer? Tim: Where's your mom? Becky: She's working. Tim: Every night? She can't help out with this ever or what? Becky: Yeah. It's not a big deal. Okay, I can try it on for you if that's easier? Tim: What? Becky: I can try them on for you. Tim: I don't know. (he starts walking out) I don't think I.... Becky: Wait! Which one? Tim: Just, you're good. Pink for sure! Get the pink! You'll win with that. Good luck. ( And with that, he leaves. ) [INT. BAR in Clearwater] ( Richard is playing shuffleboard. ) Richard: Dah! Matt: Alright, so how about I just throw my last two pucks and then we just take off? Richard: What's your hurry? Matt: I got stuff to do. I got people I got to take care of. It's not like we're doing anything here. We're just playing shuffleboard. Richard: Alright, let's talk then. Matt: You want to talk now? Richard: I can talk. You know, I'm not a dick all the time. So talk. Talk. Matt: I don't know what to say. Richard: Start anywhere. Matt: Fine. What would you say is the most important tool for an artist to have? Richard: What's with you and all these questions? Matt: You just told me to talk. Richard: I meant, you know, talk about yourself while I secretly mock you inside my head. Matt: Oh, okay, alright, you know what? How about I just settle up our tab and then we'll take off. ( Matt sits down at the bar when Richard sits down next to him. ) Richard: Alright. Okay. Watch out. The most important tool an artist can have is selfishness. Matt: Selfishness? Richard: Yeah. It means you're gonna spend your life trying to express some quiet dark corner, deep, deep inside you. You will put aside love, God, life! In order to follow this craving. So my advice to you is to just screw everybody else and maybe you got a chance. [EXT. A bar elsewhere...] ( Eric and Buddy are sitting at a bar. ) Eric: I wrote a personal check. I've got to get that money together and I've got to get it quick. I don't know how to talk to a boosters, you do. I don't know how to ask for money. You're get at asking for money. All I'm doing is asking for your help. Buddy: I know and I'd like to Eric but I got Joe McCoy and the other guys breathing down my neck. I mean, they think I'm the one who told you about the mailbox. Eric: You are the one who told me about the mailbox. Buddy: I know! But I've got to unknow that right now. I mean, they may be having me followed! They probably got my phone tapped or maybe bugged for all I know. You know these guys, they're crazy! Eric: Yeah, they're crazy all right. Let me tell you something: Levi, now, Principal Burnwell, has informed me he's willing to shut down the football program at the high school if need be. That's what I'm up against. I'm asking you for your help. Buddy: That's terrible. And I'm sorry to say this but I cannot help you right now. I just can't. Eric: You know what, Buddy? Buddy: What? Eric: You need to polish that ring of yours. It's looking a bit tarnished. ( Eric gets up and leaves Buddy looking at his ring. ) [INT. Taylor Bathroom] ( Julie is brushing her teeth (are we sure we're not sponsored by Colgate???) while Tami stands nearby holding Grace, trying to put on the little girl's shoes. ) Julie: An earthquake in West Texas? Tami: Yeah, they have 'em. Odessa. Odessa's on the permian basin and that's a fault line, honey. They have 'em. What would you do? Would you pray? Julie: Well... Tami: (to Grace) One more, one more. ( Julie spits. ) Julie: I'd probably check on you and Gracie and Dad and then I'd stand under a doorway. Tami: Alright, I know, I hear you. That's great. That's all good but would you pray? Julie: How 'bout next time there's an earthquake in West Texas I'll let you know? [EXT. East Dillon Football Field] ( Usual suspects plus Tim. ) Eric: Come on now! Yeah! ( Focus is on Luke's POV. ) Stan: Way to bring the wood, Cafferty! Way to bring that wood! ( Some applause by various team members but Coach is distracted. ) Stan: All right! ( Pass to Vince who drops it. ) Eric: Come on! Hey, Vince, what are you doing man? You've got to make that play. You gotta catch that ball. How can you miss that? You're not gonna make that play out here today how are you gonna make that on Friday? Look at me! You can't make that play, what are you out here for? ( Whistle blows. ) Eric: Hey guys, let's bring it in! ( Tim approaches Luke. ) Tim: Luke! Hey, uh, good job. Luke: What am I, the Invisible Man out here? Did you see that? It's not like he's even seeing me work my butt off out there. Tim: What do you mean? Luke: Coach didn't even look at me. Tim: He's got a lot on his plate, that's why. Luke: I... Tim: Keep doing what you're doing though. Luke: Thank you. Thanks for noticing. ( Cut to "Girl" henceforth known as "Curly" thanks to Anmodo - standing nearby. ) Becky: Hey, Tim! I'll see ya later. Luke: Who's that? Hi! Tim: I'm renting a room from her mom, that's it. Luke: You're what? Tim: I'm renting a room from her mom. Luke: Wish I was renting a room from her mom. ( Tim stares at him. ) Luke: Just joking. [EXT. Park] ( Calvin and Vince are playing basketball. ) Calvin: Look man, you make sure he know the difference between coach and dad. Vince: He's always yelling at me you know, on the field. Telling me what to do. Pushing me. Grabbing my jersey. Trying to embarrass me in front of the rest of the team, you know what I'm saying. That's now how I get down, dude. That white boy sucks. Why's he all up in my face? Coming up where I hang out, at my house, knocking on my door, talking to my moms. And you already know my mom's situation right now. You know how I feel about that. It's alright though, it's cool though cuz he's bringing that white boy Luke on the team. He think he gonna take over supposed to be some kind of Panther's superstar or something like that. Yo, that's my spot! That's my team. I'm the Running Back, you know what I mean. Calvin: Look man! At the end of the day the white gonna stick with the white man. They're gonna look out for each other. That's what we gotta do. We gotta look out for us. A'ight. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. East Dillon Lions Locker Room] ( Tim is monitoring Luke doing crunches. ) Tim: Twenty-five more. Luke: Dang! Hey, Rigs. Why don't you wear your Panthers State Ring? Tim: I don't know. That's a good question. I guess I don't like rings. Luke: What was it like, going to State and winning that ring? Tim: It's pretty good, man. You gotta give this team a chance. Luke: Dude, be serious. This team is not the Dillon Panthers. The Coach doesn't like me. I mean, he's been pretty clear about that out on the field. In practice, sticking me on D, no disrespect but that's not what I do. He's mad about his wife getting all backlash for throwing me off the Panthers. I want to play football, man. I want to win a State ring. Tim: Like I said, give it a chance. Trust the coach. ( Luke looks doubtful. ) [INT. different part of weight room] Tim: Hey, Coach! Eric: What? Tim: How are ya? Eric: Good. What's up? ( Tim notes that Coach is wearing nice slacks, crisp white shirt and a red tie hanging loose around his neck. ) Tim: Where you going? Eric: I'm going to drum up some business from local business leaders in the form of cash. What do you need? Tim: Uh, as you know I've been working with Luke - a lot. And he's good. Eric: Excellent. Tim: Damn good. Eric: Alright. Tim: And I think he's worth getting a tougher look at. Eric: What's that supposed to mean? Tim: I think, I don't know where to go, he thinks you hate him is what I'm trying to say... And I'm trying to work with him... Eric: I don't have the time or resources for sensitivity training. That kid's got to get rid of the concept that we're gonna kiss his ass 24-7 cuz he's gracing us with his presence. You tell him to show up, shut up and just work him hard. I'm gonna deal with the rest later. Thanks. Tim: Yes, sir. [EXT. Park] ( Landry tries punting when Jess Merriweather walks up with some little boys. ) Landry: Ugh. Jess: Hey! Can we play? Landry: I mean, I was supposed to be working on my punting but if you all want to play afterwards or if you want to watch... Jess and Boys: Yeah! Let's do it! Landry: Okay. ( Landry tries punting a ball and it doesn't go well. ) Landry: AUGH! Boys: (laughing) Nah! You suck! Landry: That's nice. Jess: (laughing) I'm sorry. Boy: The ball's supposed to go straight. Landry: See that was actually all planned... Jess: Want some pointers? Landry: Um, do you know a lot about punting? Jess: Yeah, actually I do. Here look, you wanna... Okay, I can show you three steps alright? You wanna make sure that you keep that lean forward position so keep your head down. Make sure you hit the meat of the ball with this part of your foot, okay. So point your toes, okay. And make sure you follow through all the way with your leg. But don't be stiff. Like, loosen up, okay. But don't think! Landry: Okay. ( Landry poised to make the punt - it's waaaaay better! ) Jess: Okay! Boys: Wow! Boy: Now that was better! Boy: Yeah! Jess: (high fives to boys) I'm good, right? Yeah. Landry: How'd you know that? Jess: Right! Landry: I don't think that's ever going to happen again. Jess: It will. Landry: Especially not whenever all the thousands of screaming fans are around. Boy: What fans? Landry: I mean, one away game or something. ( Jess laughs. ) Jess: (to boys) Can you all go get the balls and stuff? Boy: Let's go! ( Boys race off. ) Jess: My little man. (to Landry) You just gotta keep doing it. Just keep doing it. Over and over. Do it thousands of times cuz you'll get that muscle memory. Just forget about the guys, the big guys charging at you, the fans, the chaos... (she closes her eyes and goes Zen) Just like zone in, inside yourself and forget it all. Let it all, the chaos just... you know, just let it go. Let it go, you know. Landry: Where'd you learn so much about football? Jess: Um, my father. He used to play football, he was a quarterback. He almost went pro, too, but now he can't stand it. Thinks its a big waste of time. Landry: Where'd you learn so much about the (he mimics her Zen look)... Did you study Buddhism? Jess: No, no, no. It's my life, you know. [INT. Taylor Living room] ( Tami's at the computer looking like she's going through the bills when Eric enters. ) Tami: Hey. How'd it go trying to get the Boosters together and all that what not? Eric: I went to about twelve of the local businesses and found out that they either don't know there's a football team or they could give a damn less. Tami: Sorry about that, honey. Eric: Yeah. Stopped over at the bar and I had a drink and I left the car over there and Alan gave me a ride home. So if you could take me... Tami: Oh, Lord. Eric: ... in the morning to get it, I'd appreciate it. Tami: All right. Okay. Eric: You know that check yesterday, you asked me about the check for the Dry Cleaners... Tami: Yeah. Eric: It wasn't for the Dry Cleaners. It wasn't for $45 dollars. It was for Under Armor. It was for gear for the team and it was for $3,000. Tami: You wrote a check for $3,000? We don't have $3,000 in our checking account! Eric: I know that but when I wrote the check, it's not a check that's gonna be run through right away so you don't have to worry about it. Tami: Well, I really would have appreciated it if you had talked to me about this. Eric: Well, I didn't have time to talk to you about this... Tami: You didn't have time to talk to me about it? ( Tami is sitting there, calmly as she can, listening to his rationale and excuses. ) Eric: No, I didn't have time to talk to you about it. I'm telling you about it now. Tami: Listen, I know that you're having a hard time but come on now, why would you not talk to me about that? Eric: Listen, if I don't write the check I don't uniforms for the team. If I don't have uniforms for the team I don't make money anyways so what the hell does it matter? If I can get the money from Burnwell who I've been talking to - which I think I can do - everything will be fine. It's just a matter of doing it. I just need time. I'm just telling you for the sake of not... Tami: Don't raise your voice. Don't raise your voice. Eric: I'm not raising my voice. Why don't you just stay calm and stop getting all riled up? ( Tami can't take anymore and stands up. ) Tami: You're gonna get your damn uniforms but in the meantime what about our accounts? you write yourself a check for $3,000 without talking to me about it, you lie to me about it, we don't have that money and then you come in here and yell at me? I don't think so. ( She exits the room leaving Eric standing there feeling the foolish man he is! ) [INT. Taylor Bedroom] ( Clock on the night stand reads 2:02 a.m. and Eric is wide awake. ) ( Clock on night stand now reads 6:20 a.m. and Eric is gone as Tami wakes up. ) ( She goes to the kitchen and there's a note on the coffee maker: "Went to pick up the car. Have a good day. Love, Me!" ) [EXT. Eric driving down a road] ( Eric has a note that reads: "Cafferty 1018 RR X18" ) Mr. Cafferty: Hey, Luke! Your football coach is here. ( Luke is bailing hay and we see his daddy is an authentic looking cowboy. Suddenly it makes sense on why his parents won't move. They won't leave the family farm/ranch. ) Mr. Cafferty: (to Coach) He's got quite a lot of work to do before he gets to school. Eric: I won't take much time at all. Mr. Cafferty: I appreciate it. Luke: Good morning, coach. Eric: How you doing? Luke: I'm alright, how you doing? Eric: Good, good. Luke: What can I do for you, Coach? Eric: I understand you're not happy at practice. Want to talk about it? Luke: Well, no disrespect, Coach but I just feel like I'm not being used. I feel like you're not even giving me a chance out there. Eric: What do you want from me? Luke: Well, first of all, I haven't even gotten a chance to play offense which is what I do. Eric: You'll get your chance. You'll get your chance when I give it to you. Listen to me, I'm trying to put a team together here. I got eighteen other players I'm trying to pay attention to here. I can't put you up on a pedestal and pay all the attention to you. Luke: Look, I want to get out of here, all right? That's why I'm playing football. I mean, this is it for me. This is all I care about, Coach. It's all I ever cared about. My parents don't help me out with stuff. They don't care football. So I was on my fast track, got to Dillon Panthers and I'm not there anymore. We don't need to talk about that. But here I am, I'm willing to kill myself cuz I want to get out of here, Coach. That's all I'm saying. I just want a chance to play ball. I want a chance to get noticed. Eric: I understand that you're a helluva player. Hell, you can run circles around most of the people out there. I understand everything you've been through. I understand what it's like to want to be a Panther. Believe me, that's not lost on me. Anything else that you need? Luke: What I need? I need a scholarship to a good school so I can get out of here. That's what I need. Eric: Listen, I'll tell you what. I will do everything in my power to get you just that if you do one thing for me. Luke: What? Eric: I need you to lead. Luke: All right. Eric: Do you understand what I'm saying? Luke: Yeah. Eric: Lead. Luke: Yeah. Alright, thank you. ( Luke extends his hand and they shake. ) Eric: You want a slap on the back, you earn it. ( Eric then pats his shoulder. ) Eric: See you out there this afternoon. Luke: Alright, see you out there. [INT. Tim Riggins' Truck] ( Tim is giving Becky a ride. ) Becky: Thanks for the ride. Tim: Yeah, you got a boyfriend? Becky: No, why? Tim: Cuz that's the guy who should be doing this. Giving you rides everywhere. Becky: Well, since you're already doing it, maybe it would be more efficient if you were my boyfriend. ( Tim gives her a look like 'you freaking kidding?' ) Becky: I'm just kidding. Tim: Hey, you ever run into that Luke Cafferty kid? Becky: Luke? Tim: Yeah, Luke. He likes you. I've been working with him on field and everything and, uh, he's just non-stop talk about you so... Becky: And? Tim: I'm just giving you a heads up you know, just in case you're interested in having a boyfriend. He's a pretty good guy. Becky: Yeah, I'll talk to him. Tim: Do it. ( She has this look on her face like she's interested in having a boyfriend but it ain't Luke. ) [INT. Coach's Office] ( Eric is at his desk when Tami enters. ) Tami: (knocks on door) Hey. ( Eric has this priceless fearful look on his face. ) Tami: Just thought I'd swing by on my way home from work. Eric: I'm sorry. Tami: I appreciate that. Eric: Doug called from Under Armor. He said he's willing to wait for the school to pay for the two thousand and the other three thousand, he's gonna take it easy on me and I will get it paid. Tami: Good. Honey, don't ever do that again. Eric: I won't. Tami: And I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. [EXT. Joe McCoy's House - Poolside] Lester: Sounds like Coach is moving up Sobel to take Luke's spot tonight. Bill: Yeah, meanwhile Luke Cafferty's on his way to being massacred in his first Lions game. What a waste. Lester: I can tell you one good things gonna come out of this, Bill, alright. McCoy's gunning for Principal Taylor. Buddy: What are you talking about, Lester? Burl: McCoy will figure out a way to get that bitch outta there. Lester: There you go. Buddy: I can't even believe you, Burl. ( They laugh as Buddy walks off. ) Buddy: Hey! I got something to say to everybody! ( All eyes shift to Buddy - including Joe with that smug smile of his. ) Buddy: I hate to spoil the party but this is to everybody. You know what? I'm not a Panther anymore. You used to be my friends but I don't know who you are. I don't know what you believe in but its not the Panthers. It's not the Panthers I believed in, it's not the Panthers we grew up with. I'll tell you that right now. You what to know another thing? I'm the one who told Eric about the mailbox. ( Joe and a few Boosters exchange murmurs that their suspicions were right on. ) Buddy: Hey, I can't live with myself anymore. I put that mailbox in twelve years ago. In the middle of the night, I dug that hole and put it in. It's my mailbox! I'll do whatever I want to with it! And Joe, I tried. But ever since you got here you have been a cancer to me, you've been a cancer to my friends, and you've been a cancer to this team. And just one more thing I want to say is, clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. ( And that said, Buddy walks out. ) [EXT. Richard Sherman's Studio] ( Matt pulls up in a car with Julie and gets out. ) Matt: Sorry, I just gotta drop this off real quick. Julie: Yeah. No problem. Take your time. ( Matt disappears inside and we see he walked past Richard who's working in his yard. Julie gets out of the car and wanders around when Richard spots her. ) Richard: Who the hell are you, little girl? Julie: Um, hi, I'm Julie. Matt's girlfriend. He went inside to drop off that tool you asked him to pick up. Richard: So you're the ball and chain that keeps dragging him down. I think I married you about twenty-years ago, babe. ( He walks off and Julie stands there stunned before getting back in the car. ) [EXT. Football Field for Other Team] ( The Lions exit the bus. ) Tinker: Hey, Coach! Hey Coach, I thought we were getting new uniforms. What are we doing? Playing in our practice stuff or what? Eric: Tinker, why don't you do less talking and more thinking about the game, son. Let's go. ( Fan holds up signs mocking the team "No Lion, They're Quittin" ) [INT. Locker Room] Eric: Come on, gentlemen, let's go! Let's go! ( New uniforms are proudly presented just outside the lockers and the team is thrilled. ) Tinker: Whoo Boy! Vince: Oh, these are official right here. Players: Alright! Eric: Hey, hey, listen up! Hey, listen up, gentlemen. Listen up! They may be new but they're still work clothes. Let's go to work. Let's go, let's go to work! ( Team cheers and starts roaring. ) [INT. Restaurant] ( Matt and Julie are eating. ) Matt: All of sudden he was actually talking to me. It was the first time I had a real conversation with him. He's actually a really smart guy. He had real interesting things to say. It was crazy. Julie: Do you think I'm holding you back? Matt: No. Why? Julie: I was outside waiting for you and Richard Sherman came out and started talking to me. Matt: 'bout what? Julie: He said I was the ball and chain holding you back. Matt: No, that's... that's stupid. Hey, you're the most important thing in my life. Julie: What if that's the point? Matt: No, that's not the point. The point is he's stupid. The point is he was drunk. He don't know about us. Eat your bean curd. Julie: Alright. Matt: Alright. [EXT. Football Field] Announcer: The Lions down 27-nothing, late in the fourth. They are definitely gonna finish this one folks. Luke Cafferty on the Bronco Blitz. Hits him in the backfield. Luke Cafferty has been bringing it all night. Eric: Nice hit! Announcer: Now if the Lions could just get on the board tonight, it'd make a whole heck of a lot of difference to this football team. And it drops back in the pocket. Oh! And Howard gets burned on the wheel route ... He's got a man open! He's got the outside! OH! And Luke Cafferty makes another touchdown saving hit. Vince Howard has just gotten smoked all night long. A real disappointment after such a promising start. Stan: Stay in it! Luke: Huddle up, defense. Huddle up, defense. Vince, don't jump on the front. That's the third and ten. Vince: Who made you coach? Luke: Think about it. Vince: That's what I thought. Player: Hey, guys. Luke: Four-three, code two. Four-three, code two. Team: Ready, break! Announcer: Never say die. Never quit. 37 seconds left in the game. Let's see if Cafferty and Howard can put some pressure on this Rattler offense and make something happen. And back to pass. Eric: Stick it! Announcer: Looking to cross the middle... Fires! Ho my! Luke captured it. Interception! He's bringing it the other way! ( Crowd goes wild. ) Tami: Go! Eric: Go! Go! Announcer: Here we go, folks. He's got a line up the sideline. Jess: Go on! ( Luke is running with the ball, headed to a touchdown, with Vince just ahead as his blocker. ) Announcer: Oh man, is this kid fast. One man to beat. He's got a blocker on front! He could go! ( Suddenly Vince stops, allowing Luke to get tackled. ) Announcer: Oh, mercy me! Vince Howard pulled up. Eric: Hey! What the hell was that? Announcer: Luke Cafferty, he's up and I'll tell you what: he's not happy about it. Vince Howard is getting an earful folks. Luke: Vince, what the hell was that? Vince: (holding up his hands) You're too fast, man. You're too fast! Luke: You're your own problem, V. You're your own problem. Eric: Vince, what was that?! What was that? Vince: I didn't have the angle, coach. ( Vince removes his helmet and argues with coach. ) Eric: What do you mean you didn't have an angle? Vince: I didn't have an angle! Eric: You could've run circles around him! Vince: ...don't waste no energy, huh, Coach? Eric: Hey, let me tell you something. You know what, you know why I always pick on you? Cuz you're good, that's why. You know why you have a problem? Cuz you're your own worst damn enemy! That's why! Vince: Fine! Get out of my face! Eric: No! You get out of my face and let me tell you something: put that damn helmet on right now. (he pulls Vince close and growls) Don't you dare talk to me like that out here. You change it right now. Or you will be out of this game so damn fast you will not ever... ( Vince pulls on his helmet. ) Vince: Yes, sir. Eric: You understand me? Vince: Yes, sir. ( Tami is watching from the stands (wearing her Lions red) watching with wide, worried eyes at how pissed Eric is at Vince. ) Eric: Landry! Landry: Yes, coach. Eric: Get out there. Get us a field goal. Get out there. Landry: Field goal! Here we go! Here we go! ( Eric shoves Vince back to the field. ) Eric: You're on the field goal team. Get in there, then! Don't you ever take that helmet off in front of me. Do you understand me? Announcer: Coach Taylor lining up for the field goal. Trying to get on the board. Clock is ticking folks. There's the snap. Oh, and it's over his head! Bouncing around the carpet. That was not pretty. Landry Clark picks it up. I don't know what he's going to do with it. Oh, he shovels it forward. Vince Howard on the outside. Oh, what a move! Just on the edge! Howard could go. This could be it folks! Oh my, touchdown! Touchdown East Dillon! Vince Howard has scored. Coach Taylor and the East Dillon Lions are on the board. ( The Lions are thrilled to score one goal!! They are so excited you wold think they hadn't just lost the game. ) Announcer: Touchdown Hallelujah. [INT. Julie's Room] ( Julie's reading in bed when Tami enters. ) Tami: Hey, how was your date? Julie: It was good. Tami: It was? Julie: It was good. Tami: I've been thinking. I think I want you to come to church with me cuz it makes me feel like family. And cuz I like having you sit next to me there, at least for a little bit longer. And I think it's good that you're questioning your faith. I just want you to have faith in something. Something that can hold you when I'm not going to be able to hold you anymore. Julie: Okay. I'll be there Sunday. ( Tami snuggles with Julie in the bed. ) Tami: I'm sorry but you're always going to be my little girl. [INT. Richard Sherman's Studio] Matt: Richard! Richard! ( Matt is scanning the area looking ready for an argument when he spots Richard's sculpture hanging up above. He stares at it in awe. Behind him he hears a snort and snore and looks over to see a passed out Richard. ) Richard: (mumbling) Hey, huh... Jesus... Matt: Hey! Get up! Richard: Ah, screw you. Matt: Alright, screw you, too. Richard: Ah...what are you doing? Matt: I'm just looking at this thing. Richard: That's a piece of crap. Matt: Yeah, well, it's a beautiful piece of crap. Richard: Thank you. Matt: Yeah, yeah. [INT. Coach and Mrs. Coach's bedroom] ( Tami enters carrying a glass of water as Eric dozes in bed. ) Eric: (his eyes closed) We'll get the money together somehow. ( Tami gets into bed, facing him. ) Tami: I know you will. Eric: I love you. Tami: I love you, too. ( Eric shuts off the light. ) Tami: And you know what? Eric: Hmm? Tami: Now that you've gotten all the way through the game, you gotta feel pretty good about that. Bet you'll sleep better tonight. ( Eric just lies there with his eyes wide open. )
doc_171	Michael: Yeah! Everything! Oh it's all good, it's all good. Phyllis! Phyllis: Dancing babies! Michael: Dancing babies! I love it! I love it! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: We are making a commercial for Dunder Mifflin today. Our first ad ever. Corporate purchased some air time in local markets to spread the word about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and they are even sending up a professional ad company to help us make it later so... it's uh, not too shabby. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Best ad ever. [sings in the tune of the "Kit Kat theme song"] Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that... I am totally blanking. What is the thing? Jim: Nobody tell him! Andy: What? No, why? Jim: You got it, you're so close! Andy: [singing] Break me off a piece of that... huh huh huh... br- applesauce. Jim: Break me off a piece of that applesauce, I don't think... Andy: Break me off a piece of that Chrysler car. Jim: Nope. Andy: Football cream. Grr! Michael: Okay, it's football cream. It's football cream. Alright! So, anybody else? Pam: I'm taking a computer animation class so I could try to do a logo. Michael: Look at that. Even the receptionist is getting in on the creativity. Very good, very good. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hello hello! Ad guy 1: Hey, how ya doin'? Michael: Michael Scott. Ad guy 2: Hey, Michael. Michael: Regional manager. Ad guy 2: Hey Michael, nice to meet you Michael: Excited to talk ideas. Ad guy 1: Let's do it, man. Michael: You know, I want this to be cutting edge. I want it to be fast, quick cuts, you know, youthful, sort of a MTV on crack kind of thing. Ad guy 1: That sounds great. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: All right, good, well this is what we have to work with. Michael: I would like you to meet Andrew Bernard. The 'Nard Dog. Who let the 'Nard Dog out? Andy: Hoo hoo hoo-hoo! Michael: He gives the best back rubs in the office. Andy: It's true, I give a mean backrub. I also do good aromatherapy [makes farting noise]. Not! You just got 'Nard dogged! Michael: Now this gentleman right here is the key to our urban vibe. Stanley: Urban? I grew up in a small town. What about me seems urban to you? Michael: Stanley is hilarious. Phyllis is like our Mrs. Butterworth. Kind of a less urban Aunt Jemima. Michael: These are our accountants. And as you can see they are very different sizes. What you might want to do is kind of a Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear thing. That might be kind of fun. Kevin: [looking at Oscar] Mama Bear! Michael: Who else? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I think it's great that the company's making a commercial because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people that I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers, or muffins, or mittens, or... And frankly all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You playing that game again? Dwight: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores, it doesn't have winners or losers. Jim: Oh it has losers. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. In my Second Life I was also a paper salesman and I was also named Dwight. Absolutely everything was the same. Except I could fly. [shot of Dwight's avatar flying around] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [reading off piece of paper] Little girl in a field holding a flower, we zoom back to find that she's in the desert and the field is an oasis. Zoom back further the desert is a sandbox in the world's largest resort hotel. Zoom back further the hotel is actually the playground for the world's largest prison. But we zoom back further--- Ad guy 1: Okay I can tell that your time is valuable--- Michael: Actually I don't get paid by the hour anymore, but thank you, I get paid by the year, so... Ad guy 1: That all sounds really, really ambitious. Michael: Yeah, I know. Ad guy 1: Why don't we show you what we did with the Nashua branch? Michael: Mmm. Okay. [commercial plays on laptop, peppy music in background] Michael: That's what Nassau came up with? That sucks! [chuckles] Whoa. Ad guy 1: That's what we came up with. Michael: Well we can do better than that. Ad guy 2: Well the main part of the ad has to stay the same, actually. Ad guy 1: Yeah, it's the last five seconds where we have some leeway. Michael: The waving? Ad guy 1: Well, no, no. You don't have to be waving. That was just what they did. You guys can be clapping. Sitting. Standing outside, inside, whatever. This is where you really get to be creative. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I need some advice. I've been spending a lot of time making out with Angela lately. But we've been necking, but only necking. Right? Not actually kissing, our mouths, just the neck on neck. It's just like rubbing slash nuzzling our necks together. It's hot, I'm not going to lie to you , but it's a little weird, but you seem like a guy with answers, so how do I fast track this to get to first base? Dwight: We cannot talk about this... because, someone might hear us. Andy: We'll use code names. Dwight: Angela can stay the same, but we'll change Andy to Dwight. Andy: That's not different enough. Dwight: Dwike? [SCENE_BREAK] Receptionist: You have a call from Eddie Murphy. Ryan: Hello? Michael: [on speakerphone, Eddie Murphy voice] Shrek! Shrek, I'm a donkey! I'm a donkey, Shrek! [laughing] I'm just kidding. It's me. Hello Ry. Ryan: What? Michael: Okay, calm down. I have a small problem. Ryan: I told you not to call about small problems. Michael: Yeah, well when I call about big problems you don't like that either, so make up you mind, kiddo. Here is the deal, the ad guys that you sent are locking me in a creative box, and sort of ignoring my ideas. Ryan: That's good. They're creative, you're not. Michael: I'm creative, Ryan. Ryan: It's not part of your job, it's like, maybe you can cook but it doesn't mean you should start a restaurant. Michael: Well actually I can't cook, and I am starting a restaurant. Mike's Cereal Shack. I'm thinking we'll have as many varieties as you can buy in the store. Ryan: Okay, I'm not really interested in that right now. I'm delegating creativity to creative professionals. It's a different skills set. Look, I wasn't good at sales, right? Michael: Yeah! Ryan: But I'm good at managing people who do sales . Michael: Are you? I don't think you're doing such a good job here, suppressing ideas and creativity. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: All right, let me ask you this, tell me if you think this is creative. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this is before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture of a horse that could fly over rainbows, and had a huge spike in its head. And I was five, five years old. Couldn't even talk yet. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey guys, um, you know what, we cannot shoot this ad today. Ad guy 2: Okay, when should we come back? Michael: How about never hundred hours, sir. Ad guy 2: We were sent here to help out. Ad guy 1: Okay I'm not going to argue with this guy. Let's go. Good luck dude. Michael: Hey thanks. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] David Wallace: [on phone] Michael, David Wallace. What is this about dismissing the ad people? Michael: Yeah, I'm glad you called. Ryan is being a little bitch again. Ryan: I'm on Michael. Michael: What's up my brotha? Listen, David, I would like to do this ad in house. I want to use only the creativity that we have right here in the office. And I will send it to you tomorrow morning, take a look at it, and if you do not think that it's ready to air, send the ad agency back down here, and we'll do it on my dime. David Wallace: This is weird. Michael: I'm willing to stake my entire reputation on it. David Wallace: Okay, I'll see it tomorrow. Michael: Okay. [hangs up phone] And thus, Michael Scott sealed his own destiny. In a good way. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Has anyone ever come up to you and said, "You're not creative"? Dwight: Yes. Michael: Well they're wrong. You are creative. You are damn creative. Each and every one of you. You are so much more creative than all of the other dry, boring morons that you work with. Jim: Who are you talking to, specifically? [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: I kind of know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man. [makes squinty face] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: When I was younger I always wanted to be an actor in commercials. Then I realized I had a brain. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: We have three scenes to film, big scenes. We have a song to write. So let's get cracking. Kelly, I want you to do makeup. Oscar, I would like you to do costume design, obviously. Phyllis, I'd like you look around town and see if we have any celebrities in our local area. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: [gasps] Sue Grafton is at the Steamtown Mall. She's doing a book signing right now. Michael: Okay, okay, Phyllis this is what I want you to do. I want you to go down to the mall. I want you to get in line. I want you to get her to be in this commercial. This would be a huge coupe people. All right? Do not take no for an answer. Phyllis: Okay. Andy: Does anyone actually know what Sue Grafton looks like? I mean, is she hot or-? Creed: She's crazy hot. Andy: Well then maybe we should just use Angela and say she's Sue Grafton. Would anyone notice? Angela: That's not happening. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Bye everyone. Michael: Line it up Phyllis. Creed: Get her Phyll. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: [singing] Out of paper, out of stock, there's friendly faces around the block, break loose from the chains that are causing your pain. Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly, Darryl: Call Michael or Stanley, Jim, Dwight or Creed. Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs. Darryl: Dunder Mifflin. Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly: The people person's paper people. Darryl: Dunder Mifflin. Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly: The people person's paper people. Michael: Time out, time out, time out, time out, time out. I thought... I was under the impression that this was going to be a rap. Darryl: What's rap? Michael: Okay, Darryl, wow, you need to learn a lot about your own culture. I'll make you a mix. Darryl: Great. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: News flash. I got some juicy updates on Operation Fallen Angel. Remind me to tell you later. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey. Pam: No talk, I'm animating. Jim: Why don't we take a quick ten second break from that so I can show you what's going on here. [pulls up Dwight's game] Okay, this is Dwight's Second Life. He's on it all the time. So much so that his little guy here has created his own world. It's called Second Second Life, for those people who want to be removed even further from reality. Pam: Are you serious? Jim: Yeah. Pam: Oh my God, he's really in pain. Jim: [sighs] Pam: Who's that? Jim: Oh, it's just my avatar guy. Whatever. Pam: He looks a lot like you. How much time did you spend on that? Jim: Not much, it's just for tracking Dwight so--- Pam: Right... you're a sports writer in Philadelphia? Nice build too. Jim: Yep. Pam: You have a guitar slung on your back. I did not know you played guitar. Jim: I... why don't we go back to this animation. Pam: No no no, I want to see more of Philly Jim. I want Philly Jim. Jim: Ah, show me how this works. Pam: Oh boy. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: [singing in different tune] Out of paper, out of stock, there's friendly faces around the block, break loose from the chains that are causing your pain. Call Michael, Stanley, Jim, Dwight or Creed. Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs. Call Dunder Mifflin. Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly: The people person's paper people. Darryl: Dunder Mifflin. Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly: The people person's paper people. Michael: Stop. Stop stop stop stop stop stop. This is not me. This is not my music. Darryl: You're right, it's better than you! It's us! [sings] Dunder Mifflin. Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly: The people person's paper people. Michael: No, I hate it! I hate it! ...I don't hate it, I just don't like it at all. And it's terrible. Darryl: You're on your own, Mike. [gets up and starts to walk away] Michael: Okay, you know what. Hold on, hold on Darryl. Darryl: You just said you hated it. Michael: No. I said I hate the, the style. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [singing] Break me off a piece of that lumber tar. Snickers bar. Michael: Okay, wow. Wow, this looks uh, terrible. Andy: Break me off a piece of that Grey Poupon. Michael: Andy, Andy, this is a pivotal scene in the ad. And if we don't get this, if we don't nail it, we're going to lose the whole triumph of the moment. The triumph of the will. Now, God, what? What Phyllis? Phyllis: [crying] Well, I got in line to buy Sue Grafton's book and when it came to my turn I asked if she wanted to be in the ad and she said no thank you, but I wasn't supposed to take no for an answer. Michael: That'a girl. Phyllis: So I kept on asking and they finally threw me out of the store in front of all my friends. Michael: Did you, or did you not get Sue Grafton? Phyllis: [sobbing] No. Michael: Ugh, can somebody give her a tissue please? [Kevin hands her piece of tape] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I hope you're not killing yourself on this, because I'm sure it's good enough for Michael's ad that will probably be seen by no one. Pam: Maybe, but it's not good enough for me yet. Jim: Okay. Do you want me to stay? Pam: No no, you can go home. I'm good. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Pam is staying late tonight to uh, achieve her dreams. So I'm pretty proud of her, unfortunately she was my ride home. Meredith: You comin'? Jim: I, ah... Meredith: Piss or get off the pot! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Jim: Good morning. [Pam sees breakfast sitting on her desk] Yeah I'm sorry, I looked away for a second and Creed snatched your hash browns. Pam: Thank you. Jim: You're welcome. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I worked until about 2:45 AM. And then I had to decide if I wanted to spend the night with Michael editing in his office, and Dwight watching Michael edit in his office, or drive home and probably fall asleep at the wheel and die in a fiery car wreck. I passed out on my keyboard trying to decide. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Let me pour you some bubbly because somebody got to a whole new level last night. Dwight: Andy, I can't hear this right now. Andy: No, no no no, this is good. You know how we haven't really gotten anywhere that I want to get to physically yet? Well, last night, that changed. We're makin' out, I'm kissin' her neck, and cheek and her ear lobe, and she's not really kissing me back. But she closes her eyes and she's like, "Oh D, oh D." Dwight: She called you D? Andy: Yeah. D for Andy. Dwight: Oh D. Andy: Oh D. Dwight: [whispers] Oh D. Andy: Oh D! Both: Ohhhhhh D! [laughing] Ohhhh D! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I'm about to send the ad to corporate... and it is sent. They'll probably watch it right away. I know I would. Okay. [dials phone] Pam: [on phone] Yes? Michael: Pam, please clear my phone lines. Pam: Certainly. [makes beeping noises] Okay, clear. Michael: They could call at any second now. [sighs] Oh God...I better call. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Ten days later] Well, it's been tough. The uh, geniuses at corporate rejected my commercial and tonight they are airing the brain dead version. So welcome one and all to the world premiere of Corporate Crapfest! [SCENE_BREAK] Everyone: [watching ad] Oh! [clapping and cheering] Bartender: Hey it seemed like a big hit. Michael: No, it was stupid. People like waving, waving sells. It's not art. Yet we made our ad, the real one was full of humor, and full of depth, and full heart and it was real. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you put that in the DVD player? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey everybody! Just want to welcome you all to the premiere of the real Dunder Mifflin commercial, the Michael Scott director's cut. Hope you like it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael's Ad: [Chariots of Fire theme plays] It all starts with an idea. But you can never tell where an idea will end up. [people passing a Corporate Memo around to each other] Because ideas spread, they change, grow. They connect us with the world. [Kelly catches paper airplane that says "I love you"] And in a fast moving world, where good news moves at the speed of time [newspaper with Andy saying "Hometown Boy Wins Race"], and bad news isn't always what it seems. [Dwight hands Phyllis paper that says "You have a son, and it's me"] Because when push comes to shove we all deserve a second chance. [Stanley finds paper that says "Turn your life around. Now hiring at Dunder Mifflin"] To score. [Jim throws paper in basket, Michael retrieves it; it says "World's Most Creative Boss"] Dunder Mifflin. Limitless paper in a paperless world. [SCENE_BREAK] Everyone: [claps and cheer] Jim: Animation? All her by the way. [points at Pam] Bartender: Really? Jim: I just thought you should--- Bartender: The animation was cool. Pam: Thanks. Bartender: Hey listen, you ever been on a motorcycle? Jim: Ahh. [puts his arm around Pam] [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Michael, that was fun. Michael: That was fun. Next round of drinks is on me, people! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [singing] Claude Van Damme, Hair for Men, poison gas, NutraSweet. [speaking] It's gotta rhyme with "piece." Fancy Feast! [sings] Break me off a piece of that Fancy Feast! It's the cat food. Nailed it.
doc_172	EXT. WOODS - VIEWFINDER WILLIAM MOORE: (V.O.) I am here in Shenandoah State Park. Oh, that's beautiful. Wow!(CAMERA PANS POND AND HILLSIDE THROUGH VIEWFINDER) (ACTION CONTINUES AS MOORE TUMBLES DOWN THE HILL) (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (V.O.) He did that? Yeah? (INTO PHONE) You're kidding. Well, I wouldn't put it in my romantic column, Deb. Definitely kinky. Maybe affectionately odd. But I mean, I don't find anything romantic about having sx with...I'll call you back later. (HANGS UP PHONE) TONY: sx with a what? KATE: None of your business. TONY: Another woman? KATE: Go back to your desk. TONY: Another man? KATE: I told you. TONY: Some kind of root vegetable? KATE: You're disgusting. TONY: Wasn't me having a conversation about kinky sx, Kate. KATE: It was a private conversation, Tony, something you seem to have a difficult time with. TONY: If I'd been having that conversation, you'd accuse me of being a Neanderthal. KATE: Well, that doesn't require a conversation, Tony. TONY: You know what I think, Kate? I think there's a secret side to you. A Spike Steele video kind of side. Keep it hidden under your mattress. KATE: Leave now. TONY: Ah, you're a Spike Steel fan, aren't you, Probie? MCGEE: What, the p0rn star? TONY: No, the physicist. MCGEE: Oh, no not really. He looks kind of sleazy. KATE: Actually he looks a little bit like Tony. TONY: Oh, you have no idea how much he looks like me. Kate, how do you know what he looks like? KATE: I saw him on the news when he was arrested a few years ago. TONY: Really. Spike Steel's real name is Jay McMann. And according to the National Crime Database he's never been arrested. Ever.(SFX: KEYBOARDING B.G.) GIBBS: What're you waiting for, DiNozzo? TONY: Uh... GIBBS: Gas the truck. TONY: I knew that. GIBBS: McGee, get Ducky. MCGEE: What am I telling him, Boss? GIBBS: We have a dead Marine in Shenandoah River State Park. Come on! Let's go! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STATE PARK - DAY KETT: (V.O.) Sergeant William Moore. Call came in from his wife. GIBBS: The friend? KETT: Sergeant Roger Caine. All camping together. This morning they were going to hike this trail. Sergeant Moore went ahead early to film the sunrise. When they couldn't find him, they called us. Early in the morning, it's really slippery up here. Sergeant lost his traction and slipped. GIBBS: Are you a trained investigator, Ranger Kett? KETT: Been working this park five years, Agent Gibbs. It's as treacherous as it comes up here. Seen a lot of hikers go over. GIBBS: This hiker was a Marine. KETT: Yeah, well, this Marine slipped and fell to his death. GIBBS: You said he was filming. KETT: That's what his wife said. No sign of the camera. GIBBS: Me and my team can take it from here. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TRAIL - DAY KATE: I wonder what happened to McGee? TONY: Probably passed out on the side of the trial sucking his thumb. KATE: He joined a gym, you know. TONY: Is that right? MCGEE: (SHOUTS) Wait up! TONY: He should get his money back. Where the hell have you been? MCGEE: Ducky needed some help with his gear. How much further is this? KATE: It's another quarter of a mile. TONY: Uphill. Stamina, Probie. It's very important in our profession. As it is in Spike Steel's profession. KATE: You relate to him, don't you, Tony? TONY: Oh, we have a lot in common. KATE: Stamina? TONY: For one. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CREEK - DAY DUCKY: What are your preliminary findings, Mister Palmer? JIMMY: Ah, lacerations, bruises, contusions consistent with a fall of this kind. DUCKY: And? JIMMY: And uh... I would imagine that the victim has sustained fractures of several limbs. DUCKY: Cause of death? JIMMY: Impossible to say until we get him back, but from the looks of his head wounds, I would say that he probably struck a rock. DUCKY: Cause of death? JIMMY: Shock. DUCKY: That would be my supposition as well. JIMMY: But what I don't get is the flesh trauma. What kind of wounds are these, Doctor? DUCKY: They're Coyote. They would eat the exposed tissue first. JIMMY: What's second? DUCKY: If what I suspect is true, the abdominal cavity has been chewed open. The liver and kidney are a rich source of nutrients for these creatures. JIMMY: That's gross, Doctor. DUCKY: Well actually, Mister Palmer, we're quite lucky here. In some cases they chew off the head and carry it away so they won't have to fight other coyotes for it. My coroner friend in Los Angeles says coyotes take it "to go." They're very strange in Los Angeles. GIBBS: Anything unusual, Duck? DUCKY: Not really, Jethro. I'll know more when I get our Marine back on the table. MCGEE: Boss! I found the camcorder! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAMPGROUND - DAY JUDY: He was obsessed with the stupid camera. I gave it to him on his birthday. Maybe if he hadn't, he wouldn't have slipped. GIBBS: Anybody else at this campsite while you were here. CAINE: No, Sir. Just the drunk. He was nothing to worry about. He was in a trailer over there. Scruffy guy. He was drinking too much. He got loud. We asked him to keep it down. GIBBS: He didn't keep it down? CAINE: No, Sir. So we went over there and tried to reason with him. That's when he took a swing. KATE: You took a swing back? CAINE: No, Ma'am. Bill put him in a head-lock 'til he calmed down and then he just took off. GIBBS: I don't suppose you got a license number? CAINE: No, point, Sir. The guy was harmless. JUDY: Bill spends eight months in Iraq and dies filming a sunrise in Virginia. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ABBY: That's not the way it works, Gibbs. This thing has been in water for hours. You don't just spray a little Four-Oh-Nine on the tape and off you go. GIBBS: Tape? ABBY: Yes. It's digital video tape. GIBBS: I thought everything was a chip these days. ABBY: No, they kind of married the old school with the new. You know like new hip-hoppers will go back to old-school rappers like Sugar Hill Gang. GIBBS: How long? ABBY: I have to separate the cartridge. I have to submerge the wheels in a cleaning solution with the heads up against it. I have to remove the silt contaminants so they don't shred the tape... GIBBS: How long Abby? ABBY: Um... three, maybe four hours. GIBBS: Let me know when you got it. ABBY: Hey Gibbs, do you have a camcorder? GIBBS: Yeah. Digital, okay? ABBY: Good, Gibbs! Way to go! Did you make the jump to CDs yet? Because if you didn't, it's cool because all the hot D.J.s, they use vinyl these days anyway. GIBBS: Just get it to me. ABBY: Hey Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! Peace out, man. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Indiscriminate predators; coyotes, fish, cats, garbage. They'll eat anything they can chew, unlike my mother who can no longer chew anything. I assure you, Mister Palmer, it is a beastly sight. JIMMY: Yes, it is, Doctor. DUCKY: I was speaking of my mother. JIMMY: Right. DUCKY: Have you ever seen a rib-eye steak that's been reduced to baby food by a Cuisinart? JIMMY: Not recently. DUCKY: It's remarkably similar to her burritos and her pizzas. Not to mention the Sunday dinner treat sushi through a straw. Give me a pair of tweezers, Mister Palmer. There's something peculiar here. JIMMY: What is it, Doctor? DUCKY: I haven't a clue. That's why you will take it directly up to Abby. I was thinking, Mister Palmer... JIMMY: Yes, Doctor? DUCKY: Perhaps it about time you came over to the house one evening. JIMMY: Came over? DUCKY: Join us for dinner. JIMMY: Ah... that'd... that would be great. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: Northern White Ash. Ash trees are not indigenous to this area. And even if they were, you know any that have kiln dried wood and a lacquer coating? GIBBS: Lacquer? ABBY: Yep. Clear coat. GIBBS: Baseball bat. ABBY: Wooden bats are made out of either maple or ash. Ash is more popular, but it tends to splinter more easily GIBBS: Especially when they come in contact with somebody's skull. ABBY: Somebody did a Barry Bonds on Sergeant Moore's head, Gibbs. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (V.O.) Sergeant William Moore, transferred from Camp Lejeune to Quantico two months ago. (ON CAMERA) He was serving as an E-I for all newly commissioned Marine Officers. MCGEE: E.I.? TONY: Enlisted instructor, Probie. MCGEE: Uh... what did he teach, Kate? KATE: Well, according to his records, MOUT. TONY: MOUT stands for military operations.. MCGEE: Yes, I know what it stands for, Tony. TONY: Well, excuse me for trying to help junior agents! MCGEE: Trust me, when I need help you will be the first person I ask...where Gibbs or Kate is. (TONY LAUGHS) KATE: Are you two done? TONY: For the moment. KATE: These are the last two people to have seen our Sergeant alive. His best friend, and his wife. MCGEE: Hey! TONY: Now I'm done. Continue. KATE: Do you think that one or both of them could have murdered the Sergeant? TONY: Well it is kind of weird a single guy hanging out with a married couple. MCGEE: I agree. KATE: Why is that? TONY: Well, because he's a single guy hanging out with married people. KATE: I do that all the time. TONY: Yeah, but you bring a date, right? KATE: Not... always. MCGEE: Are you related to them? KATE: No. (LONG BEAT) What? TONY: Well, who usually invites you ...? MCGEE: The man or the woman? KATE: I don't know, I guess usually the guy. Okay, a lot of my friends are from the Secret Service, and most of them happen to be men. TONY: What about your ... girlfriend who called yesterday morning? KATE: Well, Deb is married to one of my buddies, Rick. (TONY AND MCGEE GIGGLE) KATE: Okay, so what you're trying to say is that all of my married male friends secretly want to sleep with me? TONY: Pretty much. Yeah. KATE: That's very mature, Tony. And for your information, men and women can just be friends. Isn't that right, McGee?(TONY AND MCGEE GIGGLE) MCGEE: Technically. KATE: What do you mean technically? TONY: He means she'd have to be pretty ugly first.(TONY AND MCGEE GIGGLE) MCGEE: I didn't say that. KATE: I swear I do not get paid enough for this. GIBBS: For what, Kate? KATE: Nothing. We are just discussing potential suspects. TONY: Focusing on the Sergeant's wife and best friend, Boss. GIBBS: Yeah. Well, come on. We've got one more. (TONY AND MCGEE GIGGLE) KATE: You guys are four years old, honestly. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY TONY: Uh... nice hat. KATE: Attractive. MCGEE: In a weird way. GIBBS: Why? ABBY: Well, I had to set up a clean room in the ballistics lab to work on the damaged videotape. And just throwing the hats away seemed sort of wasteful. So I decided to recycle. What do you think? GIBBS: I think it suits you. Now what's on the tape? ABBY: Oh, I haven't finished cleaning it up yet, but I have a P-O-I. TONY: Person of interest. GIBBS: Let's see it. ABBY: The following program has been edited for time and content. It may not be appropriate for younger viewers. GIBBS: Abby! ABBY: Right. JUDY: (ON TAPE) This isn't a good idea, Bill. MOORE: (ON TAPE) I've asked this guy three times to turn his music down. CAINE: (ON TAPE) Yea, now we make him. MOORE: (ON TAPE) And if he has a gun or something in there? CAINE: (ON TAPE) I film it and we get the redneck arrested. MOORE: (ON TAPE) Way to encourage him, Roger. CAINE: (ON TAPE) Oh, come on, honey. It's not that big of a deal. We'll be right back. ABBY: Okay, this next part is like an outtake from Deliverance. RUNION: (ON TAPE) I thought I told you guys to leave me the hell alone! MOORE: (ON TAPE) Sir. We will once you turn the music down.(SFX: DOG BARKS B.G.) RUNION: (ON TAPE) What? Do you think I'm afraid of you or something? MOORE: (ON TAPE) I'm not here to fight you. We just want you to lower the music... (SFX: STRUGGLE) MOORE: (ON TAPE) Hey hey hey! RUNION: (ON TAPE) I'll kill you! I'll kill you! MOORE: (ON TAPE) No. What you just did, you just assaulted me on camera. Now either you leave or we're going to call the cops. RUNION: (ON TAPE) All right. Just let me go. MOORE: (ON TAPE) Huh? RUNION: (ON TAPE) All right. GIBBS: We need to I.D. this guy. ABBY: Oh, I'm way ahead of you, Gibbs. I got a shot of the license plate. It is registered to a David Runion. His last address is an R.V. campground in Manassas. He's since moved. GIBBS: Find him. That's good work, Abby. Tony, head back to Shenandoah State Park. Take McGee. TONY: For what exactly, Boss? GIBBS: I want to know where the Sergeant was killed before he was tossed off that cliff. TONY: Oh. Get the sedan ready, Probie. I'll meet you out front. ABBY: So Kate, you really like my hat? KATE: Uh... it's different. ABBY: Cool, because I made you one! KATE: Abby, I don't know what to say. ABBY: Put it on! KATE: Okay. MCGEE: She bet me twenty bucks that she could make you wear that today.(MCGEE WALKS O.S.) ABBY: Your cut. KATE: Pleasure doing business with you, Abs. ABBY: Totally. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STATE PARK - DAY TONY: Hurry it up, McGee. MCGEE: I mean, you could have helped. TONY: I did. I carried the camera. Moore was a Marine, a combat veteran. Probably not the easiest guy in the world to sneak up on. MCGEE: Unless he knew his attacker. TONY: Or was ambushed. It's pretty wide open space. Let's check out the tree line. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TRAIL - DAY MCGEE: Blood drop. TONY: Sure looks like it. Okay, we're going to have to search in there. You're going to want to watch out for-- MCGEE: Yes, I know how to search a wooded area, Tony. I'm not an idiot. TONY: I didn't say you were. MCGEE: Then why do you always treat me like one? TONY: Just trying to impart a little wisdom, McGee. MCGEE: Look, I graduated top of my class at FLET-C. So I think I can handle it. TONY: Be my guest. Give me a call if you find anything. MCGEE: I will. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: I found David Runion, Gibbs. He checked into another campground twenty miles from the Shenandoah State Park. Also ran a background check on him. He's served time. GIBBS: For what? KATE: Assault and battery. He nearly beat a man to death with a pool cue in ninety three. GIBBS: Looks like this time he might have succeeded. KATE: We getting a warrant? GIBBS: We need evidence for a warrant, Kate. Right now I just want to talk to him. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. WOODED AREA - DAY MCGEE: Tony! I found it! (PASSAGE OF TIME) TONY: Not bad. Not bad at all, McGee. MCGEE: Thanks. Hey, I'm sorry about that there. TONY: Don't mention it. Besides, that's a pretty brave thing to do. MCGEE: What do you mean brave? TONY: Well, crawling around back here in all this poison ivy. I don't know if I would have done it. MCGEE: You're... you're kidding, right? TONY: Leaves of three let them be, McGee. A little something I picked up during my first year. Don't touch me, by the way. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. CAMPGROUND - DAY KATE: Is that a rat or a dog? Hey, buddy. Hey. Oh. Sorry. I wouldn't do that if I were you, Gibbs. One day you're going to have to tell me how you do that.(SFX: DOG GROWLS/BARKS) GIBBS: Easy. They can sense sarcasm. (SFX: DOG GROWLS/BARKS) (GIBBS AND KATE WALK TO THE CAMPER) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Runion! Special Agents Gibbs and Todd, NCIS! I'd like to ask you a few questions! (KNOCK ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAMPER - DAY GIBBS: Clear. What do you think? KATE: The word disgusting comes to mind. GIBBS: You smell that? KATE: Ah, if you're referring to the urine, yes. GIBBS: No, I meant this. KATE: Marijuana? GIBBS: Yeah, it's recent too. Ah... KATE: Well, it's enough to bring him in and hold him for a while. GIBBS: Oh, yeah. (SFX: DOG BARKS) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAMPGROUND - DAY KATE: (SHOUTS) Runion! Federal agents! Stop! (SFX: DOG CONTINUES BARKING) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/KATE AND GIBBS CHASE RUNION) RUNION: Idiots. GIBBS: Put your hands behind your head. RUNION: How did you...? GIBBS: Sneak up on you like that? RUNION: Yeah. GIBBS: I used to do it for a living. Back then you'd be dead instead of under arrest. Any other questions? RUNION: Uh-uh. GIBBS: I didn't think so. (FADE TO BLACK) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY RUNION: I know you can hear me out there. I'm telling you for the last time. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY RUNION: I gotta use the bathroom. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY RUNION: Okay, have it your way. It won't be the first time I had to do this. KATE: Maybe we should. TONY: He's bluffing. KATE: Tony, you didn't see the inside of his camper. TONY: That bad, huh? KATE: Picture the most disgusting public restroom you've ever been in, covered in puss and vomit. I would still rather live there than this guy's place. TONY: That's nice, Kate. KATE: You should thank me. Eating that crap will kill you. TONY: I'm more concerned about what Gibbs will do if this redneck takes one in our interrogation room. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) RUNION: I gotta use the bathroom. GIBBS: Hold it. RUNION: I can't. GIBBS: Good, we can do this quick. Why'd you murder Sergeant William Moore? RUNION: What? Who the hell is that? GIBBS: That's right. You probably don't recall his name. MOORE: (ON TAPE) Sir, I'm not here to fight you. We just want you to lower the music.(SFX: DOG BARKS B.G.) (STRUGGLE) (ON TAPE) Hey hey hey! RUNION: (ON TAPE) I'll kill you. MOORE: (ON TAPE) What you just did was assault-- GIBBS: He was found yesterday lying at the bottom of a cliff. RUNION: Is that what this is all about? You think I killed some jarhead? No way, man. Nice try. GIBBS: Why'd you run? RUNION: 'Cause of the pot in my trailer. I got a medical condition. GIBBS: What? Stupidity? RUNION: Oh, man. I was really drunk that night. I barely even remember the guy. I sure as hell didn't kill him. GIBBS: Where were you yesterday between five thirty and seven thirty a.m.? RUNION: Sleeping. Yeah, at the rest stop off Two Eleven. I didn't even wake up until after ten o'clock. GIBBS: Witnesses. RUNION: Oh, sure. I mean, there were lots of other cars and trucks when I pulled in. GIBBS: I need names. RUNION: I don't have any names. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KATE: There are two rest stops on that road, Tony. TONY: Check if they have any video surveillance or attendants. KATE: On it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Running it, boss. RUNION: So what happens now? GIBBS: You've got a violent past, your alibi's weak. And I've got you on tape threatening the victim. You tell me, Runion? DAVID: It's been this way my whole life. It's always been like this. One freakin' nightmare after another. But I swear to you, Agent Gibbs, I didn't kill anybody. GIBBS: We found your bat. DAVID: What bat? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY MCGEE: Hey, Abby. You got something? ABBY: Well, I've got good news and bad news. This is definitely our bat. The splinter from Sergeant Moore's head fits perfectly. MCGEE: Bad news? ABBY: It's been wiped clean of any prints. The only thing on it is urushiol oil. That's the stuff found in ... aah! MCGEE: What?! ABBY: You... you have to see this for yourself. MCGEE: Whoa! This is going to hurt, isn't it? ABBY: Yes. MCGEE: I look like a circus freak! Abby, what do I do? ABBY: Um... well, you could use Calamine lotion. Or perhaps just wear some sort of mask. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (INTO PHONE) And can you mark it "Special Agent Todd." Thanks, Sheriff Lester. Dinner? Aren't you married? Well, it does to me. (TO TONY) My mother wonders why I'm not married. (HANGS UP) TONY: So does mine. KATE: Could you stop doing that? TONY: I'm practicing, Kate. KATE: What? Annoying me? TONY: No, the creepy way Gibbs used to sneak up on us. KATE: What do you mean used to? TONY: The old man's been wearing Ben-Gay lately. I can smell him coming a mile away. GIBBS: Is that a fact, DiNozzo? TONY: Knee feeling better, Boss? GIBBS: Much. TONY: Great. GIBBS: What about Runion's alibi? KATE: I've got the local sheriff pulling the security tapes from the rest stops on Route Two-Eleven. TONY: And we have a description of his pickup and trailer circulating with the state cops who worked the area that night. KATE: Do you think he did it, Gibbs? GIBBS: Oh, yeah. And Tony is cleaning up. (INTO PHONE) Janitorial, don't worry about interrogation. DiNozzo is gonna handle it. (TO TONY) You still here? TONY: Are you serious? ...You serious? Oh. In my defense, I did use the word creepy in the most... affectionate way. Right. KATE: You might want to use gloves. GIBBS: Where's McGee? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Oh, let's see what we're dealing with here, Timothy. Ah, the dreaded Toxicodendrom radicans... the Poison Ivy plant. You seem to be particularly allergic to it. Usually it takes several days for this sort of reaction to develop. MCGEE: I'm lucky that way. DUCKY: The last time I encountered a case of this magnitude, two young lovers fell asleep naked in a field of it. I don't think Sarah has ever forgiven me for that one. MCGEE: What I don't understand is how did I get it all over my face? DUCKY: It's the urushiol oil in the plant. Yes, once it gets on your hands it spreads by contact. MCGEE: Um... then I have a major problem, Ducky. When I was out there, I um... I had to... you know...? DUCKY: No, I don't. MCGEE: Relieve myself. DUCKY: Oh. Ooh. Well, let's take a look then. MCGEE: This is kind of embarrassing. DUCKY: I'm a doctor, McGee. I have seen everything there is to see more times than I care to remember. Good Lord! MCGEE: What? Is it bad? DUCKY: No, no it's fine. Fine. Nothing to worry about. I didn't expect to see quite so much ...swelling. MCGEE: If Tony finds out about this I'm going to have to quit. DUCKY: Well your secret is safe with me.(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) JIMMY: Doctor, I've got the new inspection forms you req - I'll come back.(SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) DUCKY: Him I'm not so sure about. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (V.O.) Runion's trailer pulled into the rest stop around one a.m. that morning, (ON CAMERA) Gibbs. And with a little image enhancement... TONY: Runion. I can almost smell him from here. GIBBS: How long did he stay? KATE: All night. GIBBS: Distance from Shenandoah River State Park? TONY: It's about two miles, Boss. KATE: Well, I guess he was telling the truth. We're going to have to find a new suspect. (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. (TO KATE AND TONY) Maybe not. Come on. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: How you feeling? MCGEE: Like an idiot. Tony tried to warn me. I didn't listen. ABBY: Oh, don't feel bad. The same thing happened to him the first year he was here. MCGEE: Really? ABBY: Not quite this spectacularly, but yeah. MCGEE: So honestly, how do I look? ABBY: Um... do you want the truth, or do you want me to lie to you to ease the burden of your own self-loathing. MCGEE: I'd prefer the lie. ABBY: Me, too. You're the fairest in the land, McGee. GIBBS: Okay, what have you got for me, Abs? MCGEE: It looks worse than it is. KATE: I'm not so sure about that. TONY: She means you look like the elephant man, Probie. KATE: Tony. TONY: It's true. GIBBS: Can you still work, McGee? MCGEE: Yeah sure, Boss. GIBBS: Okay, what have you got for me, Abby? ABBY: Um, I cleaned up more of the Sergeant's videotape. GIBBS: I need to see the last thing he shot. ABBY: Ooh, unfortunately that's the part that received the most damage from the impact. It was in contact from the heads and a lot of the data got... GIBBS: When? ABBY: I sent it to the Naval photo lab and hopefully I'm going to have it back by tomorrow. GIBBS: Well what am I doing here, Abby? ABBY: Because of this. This is from the beginning of the tape. It's mostly them setting up camp and checking out the area. And then there is... this. TONY: (V.O.) It looks like the widow and the best friend don't know they're being videotaped. (DIALOGUE OVER CAMCORDER SCENES) ABBY: (V.O.) And on the next side... MOORE: (ON TAPE) Honey, what's wrong? TONY: Still think men and women can just be friends, Kate? (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: I can't be sure, Gibbs. According to Gloria, lip reading was never my strong suit. KATE: Gloria her deaf sister? GIBBS: Mm-mm. Mother. ABBY: I think Judy Moore is saying... we have to something... blank him. KATE: Kill? ABBY: No... GIBBS: Murder? ABBY: Nope. TONY: Love. ABBY: No. TONY: I really wish you'd stop doing that. GIBBS: I will, Tony, once you stop blanking up. KATE: Abby, could you pull the video back wider? You see how she's touching his face? I mean, it's very intimate. Clearly there's more than a friendship going on here. TONY: Which just goes to prove my point about the sexes, Kate. GIBBS: DiNozzo, you pick up Sergeant Caine in the morning. Kate, you pick up Judy Moore, don't tell her why. TONY: Looks like we're going to play Gibb's favorite game. ABBY: Musical interrogation rooms. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ARMY BASE - DAY MCGEE: People are staring at me. TONY: Of course. You're hideously disfigured, Probie. If you'd listened to me you wouldn't be in this mess. MCGEE: If I'd listened to you, Gibbs would have fired me six months ago. You were going to whack me, but you stopped. Why? TONY: Ah, I remember what was like being the new guy, trying to fit in, never make mistakes. Of course, the obvious. MCGEE: You like me? TONY: No, it would be like touching a leper. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDINGS - DAY CAINE: Ladies and gentlemen, this way please. My favorite part of the tour - the Marine Corps sniper. One of the most feared warriors in the world. After a brief demonstration... Corporal Cameron will be happy to answer any questions you may have. I'll meet you by the command center when he's done. CAMERON: (V.O.) Ladies and Gentlemen, you'll notice that our sniper... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDINGS - DAY CAINE: Any more information about Sergeant Moore's accident, Sir? TONY: Sure, except that it wasn't an accident. MCGEE: It was murder, Sergeant Caine. CAINE: Murder? How? TONY: Baseball bat to the head. MCGEE: Fifty-foot fall from a cliff. TONY: Coyotes probably didn't help. CAINE: That redneck must have overheard Bill saying he was going to film up there in the morning. We've got to find him! TONY: We did. CAINE: You need me to I.D. him? TONY: No. We do want to know what happened when Sergeant Moore found out you were sleeping with his wife. CAINE: She told you that? TONY: No, he did. Didn't know he was videotaping you, did you? CAINE: It's not what you think. TONY: Oh, so you weren't sleeping with her? MCGEE: You're under arrest, Sergeant. CAINE: For what? TONY: We'll start with adultery and work our way up from there. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY JUDY: I don't mean to be rude, but couldn't you have just sent me my husband's personal effects, Agent Todd? KATE: Well, normally we would have but that camera you bought him is pretty expensive. JUDY: It still works? GIBBS: Yeah. In a way. Water? JUDY: Thank you. KATE: So Mrs. Moore, tell us about your husband? What kind of a man was he? (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) JUDY: Loving, gentle. GIBBS: What about jealous? TONY: Where do you want him, Boss? GIBBS: Interrogation one. JUDY: Roger? CAINE: Judy, what the hell did you tell them? TONY: No talking, Marine! JUDY: What is going on here? GIBBS: That's what you're going to tell me, Mrs. Moore. Take her to interrogation room two. (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. KATE: I'll read you your rights on the way. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY GIBBS: Did you get the last shot from my tape? ABBY: I'm just working on it now, Gibbs. It's kind of like a nature documentary but with a riveting murder mystery subplot. This is where it gets interesting. (TAPE PLAYS) (SFX: MOORE GROANS/FALLS) GIBBS: He slipped and fell? ABBY: In the original version. But this movie comes with an alternate ending. In slo-mo, right when the camera slams to the ground... (TAPE PLAYS) GIBBS: The killer recorded over it. ABBY: The impact caused the heads to lose contact with the tape, preserving two frames from the original recording. I've been working on cleaning them up. GIBBS: Any way to recover the rest? ABBY: Well, since all recordings leave a magnetic impression much like a computer hard drive, by the way, if I scan the data then I'll be able to separate out... GIBBS: When? ABBY: You don't have to take the fun out of everything, Gibbs. A few hours. GIBBS: That's a good job, Abby. You have twenty minutes. ABBY: Gibbs! GIBBS: Get McGee to help you! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KATE: As disturbing as this sounds, I think you may have a point about the sexes, Tony. TONY: It's biology one oh one. KATE: Would you say I'm attractive? TONY: Sure. KATE: Then how come you've never... TONY: I know you. (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Is something wrong with your arm, Sergeant? CAINE: I got some poison ivy in the field last week, Sir. GIBBS: Is that a fact? CAINE: I didn't murder anyone, Sir. GIBBS: Yeah, well we'll get to that part. How long were you and Sergeant Moore friends? CAINE: Since boot camp, Sir. GIBBS: Perris Island or San Diego. CAINE: San Diego, Sir. GIBBS: Right. A Hollywood Marine. So how long after that did you start screwing his wife? JUDY: (V.O.) I don't understand, Agent Gibbs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM TWO - DAY JUDY: Why am I in here? GIBBS: Don't you want to know who murdered your husband, Mrs. Moore? JUDY: Yes, but I know it wasn't Roger. He wouldn't. There's no way. GIBBS: Why's that? JUDY: Because...he was with me that morning. GIBBS: By "with me" you mean in the same sleeping bag? CAINE: (V.O.) She actually said that? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY CAINE: No way, Sir. GIBBS: (V.O.) Why would she lie? (ON CAMERA) I mean, besides protecting you, Sergeant. CAINE: She's insane. Look, right after Sergeant Moore went to film the sunrise, I went down to the campground showers. I was gone for about an hour. GIBBS: So she was there when you got back? CAINE: Yes, Sir. She was making breakfast. GIBBS: So what you're saying is she had about an hour to kill him? CAINE: I... I didn't say that. GIBBS: My mistake. You're saying you had about an hour to kill him. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM TWO - DAY JUDY: There's no way Roger would say that. GIBBS: Agent Todd. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: (V.O.) Play back. KATE: I almost feel sorry for these two. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM TWO - DAY GIBBS: (ON TAPE) Why would she lie? CAINE: (ON TAPE) She's insane. GIBBS: (ON TAPE) So what you're saying is she had about an hour to kill him? (ON CAMERA) Let me guess. You thought he loved you. JUDY: When Bill was in Iraq, Roger and I...(CRYING) we grew close. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) TONY: What now, Boss? GIBBS: Put them both in the same room. I'm going to need a refill for this. (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY CAINE: We fooled around a few times, Judy. It was a stupid mistake. JUDY: You said you loved me. CAINE: Are you nuts? Bill was my best friend. It should never have happened. JUDY: (V.O.) Then why did you kill him, if it wasn't to be with me? CAINE: (SHOUTS) Stop saying that, you crazy...!! (TO GIBBS) I didn't kill him! She's making it up! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM TWO - DAY JUDY: I'm pregnant, Roger. It's yours. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY TONY: This is better than cable. KATE: The question is, which one's telling the truth? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: Okay, ready to try again, McGee? MCGEE: Play it. MOORE: (ON TAPE) Oh, that's beautiful. (SFX: KEYBOARDING) (SFX: BEEP TONES) MCGEE: Just need to adjust the read heads off track a little more. DAVID: (ON TAPE) Is that you, Roger? (SFX: MOORE SHOUTS) (VIDEO FREEZES ON RUNION) ABBY: Ha! MCGEE: Ha! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: His trailer never left the rest stop. MCGEE: But Runion did. Abby inverted the image and at zero nine hundred you can just make out his shadow underneath the trailer as he's coming back. It's only a four mile round trip on foot. KATE: (INTO PHONE) Thanks, Sheriff. (TO GIBBS) Runion posted bail for the pot charge an hour ago. GIBBS: Let's roll. MCGEE: What about Sergeant Caine and Mrs. Moore? GIBBS: Let them suffer for a while. I think Sergeant Moore would appreciate that. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAMPGROUND - DAY RUNION: Get back in the truck, you miserable piece of crap.(SFX: DOG BARKS B.G.) (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) (ACTION CONTINUES) (SFX: MACHINE GUN FIRE B.G.) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Put down your weapon, Runion! You're not getting out of here alive! (SFX: GLASS BREAKS) (SFX: RAPID GUNFIRE CONTINUES) RUNION: I ain't going back to prison, Gibbs! You hear me?! TONY: I'd say we're outgunned, Boss. KATE: I'll circle around back. GIBBS: I've got a better idea. (SFX: GIBBS WHISTLES) RUNION: (V.O.) Hey! (DOG JUMPS INTO THE CAR) GIBBS: You might want to cover your ears. (SFX: HUGE PROPANE EXPLOSION) TONY: I think you got him, boss. KATE: Well, what are we going to do with this thing? No way, Gibbs. TONY: I'll take him. I always wanted a dog. (SFX: DOG GROWLS) KATE: Oh, good dog! I think I'll call you Tony. GIBBS: It's a bitch, Kate. KATE: I know. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: Is it just me or do you think Tony likes me? ABBY: I think it's more than obvious Tony likes you. KATE: Not my usual type, but kind of cute. ABBY: More like adorable. Maybe we could share Tony? (SFX: DOG GROWLS/BARKS) ABBY: What's wrong? KATE: Oh, nothing. Good doggie. You can come out now, DiNozzo. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, I'll just, uh... I'll take care of that. Thank you. (TO KATE) Hey. KATE: Did you bring the dog food? TONY: Yeah, they didn't have any bowls. KATE: That's okay. We got it covered. ABBY: Got a present for you, Little Tony. KATE: Good idea. Now we can tell the two of them apart. TONY: At least I don't hang out with married, Kate. KATE: Ah will you please tell him that men and women can just be friends? ABBY: Absolutely they can. TONY: Without having sx? ABBY: Oh, no. They'll have s*x. KATE: Abby! ABBY: What, Kate? You never slept with a friend? KATE: What is wrong with you people? GIBBS: Good question, Kate. What did you do to the dog? KATE: Just taking care of her. Unless you want to. ABBY: Here you go, girl. KATE: Wow! She even eats like you, Tony. TONY: Did anybody see my ball cap? KATE AND ABBY: (IN UNISON) No. TONY: I could have sworn I left it right on my desk. (MUSIC OUT)
doc_173	Ted and Stella joined the others at McClaren's. Ted: Hi. Lily: Hi. How are you? Stella (taking the glass of Barney): I'll just finish this. Ted: It was just dinner with her sister Stella and her boyfriend.They married before us. Stella: You know, you dream of the perfect wedding since you been little girl. Lily: Yeah. Marshall: Bluntly. Stella: My sister steals my dream wedding. So every little detail on Shelter Island, the sun managed to sleep... Flashback Stella and Ted are the restaurant's sister Stella and her boyfriend. Sister Stella:... near the beach in the old family home. This is my dream wedding. Stella (Ted taking the glass): I'll finish it. Ted: It seems that the lamb is great here. Nora: I'm vegan. I wish I could silence that voice in me that says eating animals is murder, but I guess I'm not as strong as you. Ted: Did you need protein. I take the lamb. End flashback Ted: New objective: Our marriage is to kick the ass of hers.Our marriage is to take the head of his, press it down the toilet and flush 20 times. Lily: Ted, in high school, his marriage was you, right? Stella: You know, she always wants to overtake. I like it, but there is a part of me that would like it all falls apart. Stella is the restaurant with his sister and Ted. Nora: I hate it! I hate him. God, this steak is good. 4 days before and he fled with a consultant from Whole Foods? I do my make-up more for him. I do not shower more for him. I shave armpits more for him. Ted: Hard to know where is the problem. Nora: Now, so close to the wedding... Got some bacon or something in the sauce. I love it. I would not be refunded. I will lose thousands of dollars. Ted (2030): Children in a relationship, you develop as a telepathy with your partner. Stella: You think about what? It might help. Ted: No, Stella, it should help. Pay for dinner. Do not worry.Taking Charge. Stella: It's true. Recovering your marriage, we reimburse you all that you paid for. Ted and I are getting married Sunday. GENERIC Ted: We get married on Sunday? It is sure to be ready for this? Stella: I've wasted years waiting for the father of Lucy decides to be "ready" for it, but it has ever been. That's why we had never married. Come on, must be spontaneous, I dreamed that Tony is spontaneous like that. Ted: I'm leaving. And I'm also... spontaneous. (He throws a glass of water on his face) I would not have done that. Ted (2030): Children, morality often happens at the end of the story, but this one is too important, I will say now: Never, never, invite ex to your wedding. If I was given this advice, it would have changed everything. Ted, Barney, Marshall and Lily are at the bar. Ted phone. Ted: We need you to come, this is my marriage. Robin: I can not. I am in Tokyo. This is my first week. I can not leave like this. In addition, I am finally serious information. Ted (2030): Robin was serious information. Flashback A man brings a fan on the set of information. Ted (2030): It was the first English news channel in Japan. Of course, the info was a little different there. Robin: The board of the Fed voted not to change the... rates. End flashback Ted: This is my marriage. You gotta be there. Robin: OK, I'll be there. I gotta go. Good evening. And I'm Robin Scherbatsky. The talks have been arrested in the Middle East. Despite a promising start in the final negotiations, the talks foundered on security. Ted: It is. Barney: Okay, burial of bachelorhood. Tonight, I have three exotic dancers most flexible physically and mentally that you've ever seen... Ted: No time. Barney: I'll tell you. Marshall and Ted leaves the bar. Ted: Do we really have to rent the cars for tomorrow. Barney: What? Lily: No "You not married, Ted?" No "You're making a big mistake, Ted?" Have you stopped the fight against marriage? Barney: No, I recognize a lost cause, when I see it. That's why I'm not recycle. In addition, Ted getting married, it is my interest. You know... Flashback Barney is in his office. Barney: I worked on an issue of utmost importance. I admit I was baffled. Until I decided to take the bull by the horns.(Barney written on a board: how to lie down again with Robin) Then, finally, I décryptais code. "GIVE THE MARRIAGE OF TED. " End flashback Lily: So you come back to Robin. Barney: Let's hope. This weekend is my best chance to start with it. Lily: You'll never there. Too many opportunities. The first bridesmaid drunk, you'll have your head under the dress as a photographer of yesteryear. Barney: Lily, kidding. I want to look cutesy and romantic, but this weekend, Robin will be the only girl that I will draw. Stella and Ted are on a boat. Ted (2030): And the day before the wedding, Stella and I made the trip to Shelter Island. With others not far away. Marshall, Lily and Barney are also on board. Marshall, Lily and Barney are in a bar. Lily: It's not really the place I imagined for the wedding of Ted. Barney: "The Collective Namaste Yoga and Meditation." Marshall: I know about you, but I will not namaster here too long. Lily: Honey, will see the dirty hippie to the reservation there, we, we'll take to drink. Barney: You have anything like Scotch? Bartender: In the center, we have a strict anti-alcohol. Marshall: Super, meals included, right? Woman: Yes, and they are all 100% vegan. Barney: I need alcohol. I'm not gonna do that stuff with Robin.Look at that. Berry cocktail, conditioner meninges. I dream, these drinks could make a girl smarter. What hell Ted brought us? Marshall: There's no meat. Lily: There's no alcohol. Marshall: Even worse, I'm 90% sure that this kind in which you spoke was the lead singer of Spin Doctors. Ted joined them. Ted: Guys, Stella and I have a little problem. Flashback Stella is sitting on the bed and watch the programs, while Ted packs his things. Stella: The programs are great. It is not our names on it, but otherwise it looks nice. Ted: Actually, I spoke to Robin. It is a little late, but it will be there on time. Stella: You're invited Robin? Ted: Yes, of course. Stella: You gave me no warning. I'm not sure what to think. Ted: Can I help you? Are you happy. You like him. Stella: Yes, but it's your ex girlfriend. It's weird. Ted: But no. Stella: It's weird. Not what you imagine is to see her boyfriend's ex marriage. Stella imagine the scene. Robin: Your new husband dismounted me out three times a day. Stella: When the former are present, I dunno, it brings back...things unresolved. Close with your ex, do you know that the flame will not turn back? Ted: Come on, we're friends. In addition, we already had our Thanksgiving last relapse, it is not old. Stella: Have you bet money against you in this quarrel? Ted: She already has his ticket. Stella: It's important to me. I would have never invited the father of Lucy. Ted: It would not bother me. Tony is great. Invite him too. Stella: No, Tony is the last person I want to see here, OK? And Robin is the penultimate. Flashback Ted: Robin will soon get on the plane. In addition, it unleashed a lot of work for that. Robin has the information, while a monkey sits next to her and slap on the desktop. Robin: Driven by concerns about the environment and oil prices, sales of hybrid vehicles rose 11% over last year. Back to the place of marriage of Ted and Stella. Ted: What should I do? Marshall: I know. I understand something is "no ex". Why would we want that history failed to come see one successful?It's like inviting the Seattle Mariners World Series. It's embarrassing for everyone. Barney: What? No. Robin must come. Ted: That's true, this is my best friend. Girl friend. My best friend girl. Lily: I do not care, why do such. Barney: Dude, Robin has to be there. Marshall: It should not come. Barney: What are you parl... Ted: Aldrin Justice, the last word. Lily: OK, this would be weird without Robin. But not contradict the bride. Ted: I will not tell him to come. Marshall: It's the right decision. Ted: It's gonna be the worst phone call of all time. Barney: Co-witness, I'll handle this. Robin picks up the telephone. Robin: Hello? Barney: Robin, where are you? Robin: I'm off to the airport. Barney: OK, in a few hours. Have a good flight. Bad news. I can not have it. Robin is gone. Ted: OK, Robin arrives. You know, I'm fine. The former should be able to go to weddings. I'll tell Stella to do with. Lily: You should be more delicate with Stella about Robin. Ted: What do you mean by "delicate"? Lily: The brides are very stressed before a wedding. Well, of course, I was under control. Marshall: Do not you remember? Flashback In 2006, Lily arrives at the apartment in tears. Lily: The florist told me that roses are medium pink pale pink that means. Medium pink pale! All're done. Our wedding hall uses a boiler instead of a forced air heating. This is the thing that concerned me. Why are we still married? End flashback Marshall: After a while, is that the waffle. Lily: Poor Stella must be the crazy one month in three days. Ted: What do I do? Lily: You wait for the next crisis, the rules you, you're a hero.After, you dealt with on about Robin, but this time she will say yes. Ted: And if there is no other crises? Lily: This is a bride. There will be another crisis. Four minutes later... Ted: There is a new crisis. Lily: Great! What is it? Flashback Stella and Ted are in their rooms. Stella: My daughter, my daughter does not come to our wedding. Ted: What? Stella: Tony was the lead here tomorrow, but cash hurt my marriage, and he will not take him. It's been 5 years. Why not turn the page? End flashback Ted: So, first thing tomorrow I'm going to talk to him, convince him to let me take Lucy, then boom, crisis solved. Stella is happy. Robin comes to marriage. Nora: You are Barney? Barney: Yes. Nora: I heard you were a real bstrd, so listen. Tomorrow night, I want to do things so nasty and depraved that I forget that it was supposed to be my wedding. Barney: I'm here with someone. Nora: Bring her. Lily: You'll never get there. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted is by car. Ted (2030): So the morning of my wedding, I made the way home Tony, to take Lucy. Ted hits Chez Tony. Ted: We did a little karate? Tony makes a decision. Tony: Sorry, sorry dude. You have my alarm activated defense. You must remember these things. Stay alert, rest life. Ted: OK. Tony: What brings you here? I thought you'd be in a bridal suite with my wife. Ted: Not yet. Soon. Tony: That's right, tonight is the big night. Oh, man, you gonna make love to the mother of my daughter. Ted: Actually, I've already had s*x many times. Why I always corrects people? Tony: You and Stella. You're lucky. I could just... I am very happy for you. Ted: Look, here's the thing... Tony: You can not take it. Ted: Tony, stop. It is also a great day for Lucy. You'll have to put your problems aside and think about what is best for her.Whether you like it or not, it really should be the wedding of his mother. I take Lucy with me. He shakes Ted in his arms. Tony: You're right, man. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just... You see all... made me realize what I had. Ted: Let's cuddle. Tony: I'm sorry. Lucy is everything to me. I will lose it with this family, I am not one. Ted: But you're part of. Tony: I have not been invited to the wedding. Ted: You are now. Ted is in a car with Tony and Lucy. Tony: "Road Trip" OK? (They are on a boat) "Road Trip 2, back in the car." Stella's sister comes to see Barney. Nora: This is the big day. You hydrate? Barney: Dear wife, thank you for the interest you have for Barney Stinson... Nora: Your back will look like a Jackson Pollock. Barney: I regret to inform you that at this time... Nora: I have been vegan for 2 years. I need meat. Barney: There are currently no positions available. Nora: I am a teacher of Yoga. All positions are possible. Your room in 20 minutes. No preliminary. Barney: I will not do, huh? Lily: No chance. Ted, Lucy and Tnny arrive. Ted: Let me talk to Stella first. Lucy: Mom! Ted invited Dad! Stella: Hi, my heart. You've missed. Just one second, OK?Tony invited you? At our wedding? This was discussed. No ex at our wedding. Why did you do that? Robin comes up behind Ted. Robin: What did Ted this time? Ted and Stella are isolated in their room to talk. Stella: What does Robin here? I thought I was clear. No ex at our wedding. Ted: To be fair... your ex is here. Stella: You've invited! Ted: Come on, it's not weird. Stella: It's weird. It is as if it was not over between you. Tony and... I can not look after him. Will you tell him to leave? You can say it's my fault. I'll talk to Robin, she knows it's not personal. Ted (2030): The children, if I had left Stella talking to Robin, this story would have ended differently. Stella speaks with Robin. Robin: I understand. Ted talks to Tony. Tony: I get it. Man: For the first time, Ted and Stella Mosby. In 2030... Ted (2030): And now, how I met your mother. Stella: Your father has finally finished drooling? Who wants ice cream? Ted (2030): But I have not done. Ted: You can talk to Tony? Robin made the trip from Tokyo. I should talk to him. Stella: Of course. Ted goes to talk to Robin. Ted: Sorry to have run away like that. Robin: It's OK. Can you imagine not traveling I did. I was on a plane, a whole day. But it was worth it to see you get married.How I would have missed it... Ted: You can not come to the wedding. Robin: thank you God! Ted: What? Robin: It's weird. Ted: It's not weird. Robin: It's weird. You know how it feels to be one of the former married? Robin imagine the scene. Stella: Take that, bitch! I won! Ted: It was broken, there is more than a year. Robin: Yes, but it's not that long ago. See you marry another woman is not really something I look forward to. I just thought if I changed my mind about marriage and children, it was nice knowing you were there. Ted: So, I was your backup plan. It's flattering. Robin: That's not it. It's just... Ted: Why do you mention that? There was nothing between us. Robin: Maybe so. I mean, of course it does. The kind of thing that leaves no one fell swoop. I'm not a guest over. Ted: It's true. We went out together, but... we have moved on.And we got what we wanted. I marry, You have the job of your dreams in Tokyo. And they lived happily... Robin: I quit my job. Ted: You what? Robin: I return to New York. I thought I wanted this job, but...Getting back to my real life. And you should go back to yours. Ted: What does that mean? Robin: You married. Listen, this is precipitated. It's as if you started a book by the end. You are the most romantic. You stole a blue horn for me. You tried to make rain. Ted: I did the rain. Robin: It was a coincidence. After all this is how your romantic quest comes to an end? You hide in the wedding of another in his house in his life, without thinking twice. This is not the end spectacular than you deserve. It's not Ted Mosby. Ted: I love Stella. This is good. If you feel it all... I think it is good that you come to the marriage. Bartender: Big fight? Robin: Yes. Barman: There you go. It is for me. Robin: You stop it. (Robin drinks the glass of a sudden) My God, so, stop. Robin knocks on a bedroom door. Barney opens half naked. Robin: I spend a very bad day. I've stolen scotch at the duty free. It tells you? Barney: Let's go to your room. Far from it. And can be the whistle. Robin: I have no room. In fact, I thought I could stay with you. Barney: No problem. I just need to tidy up a little. Of clothes on the floor and... Robin: And a girl naked, tied to your bed. Barney: The towels in the bathroom, a real mess. So, give me 10 minutes... to restore order... Robin: In addition, Barney. Robin takes his suitcase and leaves. Nora arrives at that time. Nora: OK, let's go. Who's that? Barney: The girl on reception. Ted (2030): Children, sometimes you think you live a story, but the truth turns out to be quite different. (Robin is on board a boat, Ted is in his room and read a map and Stella is also on board) In those days, I thought it covered only the presence of Robin marriage. (Stella Tony covers his coat) If only I had understood what it was about. Flashback Ted and Stella discuss. Stella: Have his former close... it reveals unresolved problems. End flashback Lily and Ted joined Marshall in the room. Flashback Stella: With your ex not far, which tells you that the flame will not turn back? End flashback Barney joined them in turn. Flashback Stella: It's as if it was not over between you. Ted and Stella are in the restaurant. Stella: I've wasted years waiting for the father of Lucy decides to be "ready" for it. Tony is in the arms of Ted. Tony: You see all... made me realize what I had. Back at the restaurant... Stella: I dreamed that Tony is spontaneous like that. End flashback Ted (2030): Seriously, kids, do not invite your ex to your wedding.
doc_174	Provided by TVTDB.com (Seattle Scenes) MVO: There's this thing about being a surgeon... (Callie wakes up on the couch) MVO: maybe it's pride or maybe it's just about being tough...but a true surgeon never admits they need help unless absolutely necessary. (Cristina and Meredith are in her bed) Cristina: What are your other symptoms? Meredith: Okay, there's the father thing...the mother thing, the sister thing...mmm, the dying and coming back to life thing. Cristina: You have too many things. Meredith: I can't sleep. I can't sleep without the dreaming. Cristina: And the panic attacks. Meredith: One. One panic attack. Cristina: Okay, still. Meredith: What's wrong with me? Cristina: As far as I can tell, severe abandonment issues. Meredith: That's crap. Psych is crap. Issues? Cristina: I mean, it's...it's in the book. The book said it, not me. Have you considered maybe you and Derek should...stop having breakup sx? Ok. Meredith: The more available he gets...the more I pull away. Cristina: What do you mean? Meredith: Nothing. It's a Derek thing. MVO: Surgeons don't need to ask for help (Derek's trailer) MVO: 'cause they're tougher than that. Surgeons are cowboys rough around the edges, hard-core. (Richard walks out and hands a cup of coffee to Derek) MVO: Least, that's what they want you to think. Derek: Ah, good morning. Richard: Oh, perfect timing. Trout for breakfast. Derek: Mm-hmm Richard: Again. Derek: Yeah, don't start. I let you live on my land, so don't...don't start. Richard: I'm older than you. I've just seen life from both sides now. Derek: You gonna start singing? Richard: I'm just saying that a man who is up fishing at 3:00 every morning is a man in pain over a woman. Derek: Oh, good. A country-western song. Richard: I'm pointing out it's a thing we have in common, Derek. You know, what we need is something to take our mind off of everything. What we need...is a gentlemen's evening. Derek: A what? Richard: A good, old-fashioned gentlemen's evening...tonight. (Izzie is in an on-call room with George) Izzie: This is absurd. You shouldn't be sleeping in the on call room. George: It's not always an on call room. Sometimes it's a gurney in the tunnels and the... Izzie: It's absurd...when I have a perfectly good bed. And I know that we said we would wait and be respectful, and we have been very respectful. But now I want sx. George: Right now? Izzie: No. Tonight. Tonight we will have...hot, perfect sx. You in? George: Yeah, I'm obviously in. Izzie: I gotta go. I got patients to check on, Erica Hahn to impress. I'm gonna go kick some cardio ass. Oh, god. I gotta shave my legs. George: It's okay if you don't, you know, have a chance to shave your legs. Izzie: No, it's not. It is not okay, George. I have to shave my legs. I will be shaving my legs. Hot, perfect sx requires shaved legs. George: Okay. (Richard, and Derek walk up to the nurse's station where Erica is standing) Richard: Erica Hahn...first day. Erica: Oh, first day indeed, and a mountain of paperwork to prove it. Richard: Derek Shepherd, you know Erica Hahn. Derek: You're the new Burke. (Mark walks up) Richard: And this is Dr. Mark Sloan, head of plastics. Erica Hahn. Mark: Ah, the new Burke. Derek: Welcome. Excuse us. (Mark and Derek step aside) Erica: Interesting guys, and by "interesting" I mean ridiculously attractive. Do you hire on looks alone, or is actual skill a factor? Richard: Good to have you here, Erica. Erica: Good to be here, Richard. (Derek and Mark) Mark: What exactly is a gentlemen's evening? Derek: I don't know. It's an evening with gentlemen. Mark: And strippers? Derek: No, I don't...I don't think the chief meant strippers. Mark: Sure sounds like strippers. Dr. Bailey? What's the first thing that comes to mind when I say the words "gentlemen's evening"? Bailey: Tassels. Shiny, sequined tassels and $1 bills. Mark: See? Strippers. Derek: There will be no strippers. I'm almost positive. Mark: So you don't know what this thing is either? Derek: No, but you're in? Mark: Why not? I like to be surprised. (Cristina and Meredith are at a nurse's station) Cristina: Okay. Oh, heads-up. Mr.Incredible,12:00. (Derek walks by) Derek: Hi. Meredith: Hi. Cristina: What the hell was that about? Meredith: That was about a date we have later in the on call room. It's nothing. Cristina: Well, you sure seem to be losing sleep over a whole lot of "nothing. (Meredith and Cristina enter the ambulance bay) Cristina: This is it...Hahn is in the hospital, freakin' Izzie is on her service again. I'm gonna ride this trauma train straight back into cardio. Callie: Okay, what do we got? Meredith: Uh, two ambulances, multiple traumas. Alex: Any chance you need a resident's help, Dr. Torres? Callie: As long as you want to smash bones into dust while people cry. Alex: Sweet. What do you got? Cristina: Chest pain, tamponade, ruptured aorta? Ambulance Driver: Uh, more like a clown car. Jackie Escott, 25 years old, dislocated shoulder, lac to her thigh, vital signs are stable. And Helena Boyd, 26 years old...also stable with obvious nasal fracture, facial lacs and a chunk of missing scalp. Helena: She ripped out my hair. Jackie: She ripped out my shoulder! Helena: You ripped out your own shoulder when you were trying to push me off of the platform! Fiancé 1: Who let go of the dress? Did anybody let go of the dress? Fiancé 2: Hang in there, honey. Don't let her psych you out, all right? Callie: Okay, what the hell's all this? Judge: It's a store contest. I'm the judge. Last one to let go of the dress... Helena: Wins the wedding of my dreams. Jackie: Of my dreams. Callie: All right, enough. You two are injured, okay? You need to get your priorities straight and let go of the...let go...let go of the dress so we can treat you. All right, let go now. Now. Helena: Yeah, that's not gonna happen. Callie: All right. Fine. Let's move. Cristina: Oh, please let this be something good, something cardio good. Please. Ambulance Driver 2: 33-year-old male discovered unconscious but stable having survived a 12,000-foot free fall. Cristina: A what? Ambulance Driver: His parachute didn't open. Cristina: Wait, he fell 12,000 feet without a parachute? Thank you. (In the ER) Bailey: What's his name? Rick: Rick. I'm Rick Jacobs. Bailey: He's talking? Cristina: You'd think after 12,000 feet, he'd have at least a punctured lung. (A woman runs up) Sally: Where is he? Where are you? Oh, my god. There you are. How is he? How is he? Is he okay? Is he dying? Rick: No, I'm not dying, Sally. Bailey: Okay, ma'am, you need to calm down. Meredith: Is this your wife? Rick: My skydiving instructor. Bailey: Well, ma'am... Sally: I watched the whole thing. I...I couldn't do anything. I was just...I was just in the clouds floating, watching while he...while he...while he...you...you fell to your death. His chute didn't open. Bailey: Ma'am, okay, we need to do our jobs, and you're making that difficult by hovering over the patient. Please have a seat and breathe. (Richard enters) Richard: I heard we have a skydiver who fell 12,000 feet. Rick: That'd be me. Richard: Uh, hello. Rick: Hi. Richard: He's talking? Bailey: Clearly he's in shock, can't feel the extent of his injuries. Derek: Let's get him down for a C.T. Meredith: Cristina, where are you going? Cristina: Multiple injuries means multiple surgeries. I'm going to get me some cardio. (ER) Callie: Okay, do you see that you're bleeding all over the dress? Jackie: It's not about the dress. Alex: I can't, uh, I can't...there's too much blood down here. Which one of your legs is bleeding? Helena: I don't know. I can't really feel anything anymore. Mark: I hear you have a broken nose down here. What's with the dress? Jackie: It's not about the dress. Callie: Can't they...can't they just split the prize? Judge: I offered. I offered that 14 hours ago. Jackie: It is a $100,000 wedding package, and I am not splitting it with anyone. George: Oh, you're bleeding on your dress. Everyone: It's not about the dress! Callie: Uh, uh, I'm gonna have to stabilize that shoulder somehow. Alex: I'll go grab a sling. (Mark and Callie step aside) Mark: Well, this is cozy. Callie: This is hell. I assigned O'Malley to you to keep him away from me, and now our patients are connected to each other. Mark: You're not looking at this like the opportunity it is. Callie: Meaning? Mark: Meaning he's an intern. It's, like, half my job, torturing interns. Callie: Thanks. That's...that's almost sweet. But torturing George is not gonna make any of this any better. Torture him how, exactly? (Izzie is with Mr. Arnold) Mr. Arnold: My hands always get so sweaty in hospitals. It's the weirdest thing. Izzie: It's pretty common, actually. If it makes you feel any better, Dr. Hahn has done this procedure hundreds of times. Mr. Arnold: And she's really gonna thread a catheter up my leg, all the way to my heart? Izzie: Trust me, you are in excellent hands. Mr. Arnold: But, um, I...I'll be out, right? Izzie: Oh, yeah, you'll be asleep. You won't remember a thing. Mr. Arnold: Ivory-billed woodpecker. Izzie: I'm sorry? Mr. Arnold: Ivory-billed woodpecker...that's what's getting me through this. I'm a, uh, lifelong birdwatcher. And when I get through this, I am finally going to scout the ivory-billed woodpecker. It is so rare. You know, we...we thought it was extinct. But it's not. It lives in Arkansas...in this one little patch of swamp. Do you have any idea how incredible it is to see a bird like that in person? Izzie: I'm sorry. (Cristina enters) Izzie: Uh, I'll be just one second. Why are you hovering? Cristina: Guess what just came into the pit. No, no, don't guess. I'll tell you. Skydiver. Skydiver whose chute didn't open, who fell 12,000 feet and landed in some shrubbery. Izzie: Poor guy. He probably broke every bone in his body. Cristina: No, the point is not poor guy. The point is amazing surgery. And it could be yours for the low, low price of a humdrum, everyday cardio cath. Izzie: Yeah, forget it. I'm not giving up Hahn's service. Cristina: Hey, hey, Izzie, you know what? Cardio is my thing. Izzie: No. I like this patient, I like Hahn, and I like cardio. Cristina: No, you are...you are flirting with cardio. I am married to cardio. You will marry general surgery or, you know, okay, perhaps neuro. But you, you are nowhere near hard-core enough to commit to cardio. Izzie: So you are telling me to stop flirting with your husband. I get it. That's cute. But if you're gonna ask me for a favor, insulting my personal life is probably not a great tactic. Cristina: No, no, no, wait. I am not talking about your sx life. I could not care less about your sx life. It's a skydiver, Izzie. Skydiver. Izzie: Oh, yeah. Sounds really cool. Enjoy it. (CT scan room for Rick) Richard: If his intestines look like I think they will, that's gonna take first priority. Derek: He could have delayed paralysis. Bailey: This is not a contest, gentlemen. But since a perfed bowel could kill the guy whether or not his spine's in working order, my money's on the chief going first. (Cristina enters) Cristina: Hey, what'd I miss? Any cardiothoracic concerns? I'd be happy to page Dr. Hahn. Richard: Scan's coming up. Bailey: Here it is. Wait for it. Wait. Cristina: Wait. Meredith: Oh, that can't be right, can it? Bailey: I'm not seeing any free fluid, any intraperitoneal gases. Derek: Does anybody see anything? Richard: There! Right there. A hematoma... Cristina: In the right lower quadrant. Meredith: It's the appendix. Bailey: We're saying this guy fell 12,000 feet, and basically all he needs is an appendectomy? (Alex enters the closet where Lexie is sitting on the floor) Alex: You're charting... in a closet. Lexie: I get a lot of work done in here. It's quiet and nice. Alex: And a closet. Lexie: Look...when I'm out there roaming the floors, okay, I am the other Grey that Dr. Yang likes to humiliate and kick around. And...and in here, I'm...I'm not. You know, in...in here, I'm...it's just...it's...it's my place, okay? Alex: It's...it's a closet. You know, every intern class has its runt of the litter. You keep this up, this year it's gonna be you. Get up. Lexie: Oh, sorry. You probably need to get in here. Alex: No, grab...grab a sling from the box and come with me. Lexie: With you? Alex: Well, if you'd rather sit like a loser in a closet doing charts, you can. Or you can come help me on ortho today. Your choice. (ER) Jackie: No way. No frickin' way. Calie: It's the only solution if neither of you will let go of the dress. Mark: It's very simple. Dr. Torres needs to treat Jackie's shoulder and leg, so, Jackie, you need a proxy. Helena: What? Fiancé 2: Think about it, babe. This gives you an advantage. You get to rest your hand and come back refreshed. Give me the dress. I'll be the proxy. Fiancé 1: No way. This isn't fair. You think this is fair? Mark: Dr. O'Malley's the proxy. George: What? Mark: He'll hold on to the dress. George: Hold the dress? You just want me to...stand here and hold a dress? Mark: No one ever said internship was easy. Fiancé 1: Dude, you're job kinda sucks, huh? Jackie: Hello? Watch the shoulder. (Alex and Lexie enter) Alex: Oh, check it out. Bambi's a bridesmaid. Callie: You're right. This did cheer me up. (Trauma room) Bailey: You've got no lung injuries, no spinal injuries, no broken bones. You're just a lucky man. Rick: Holy crap. Bailey: The only thing we found was a little bleeding in your lower abdomen. Meredith: Which means we have to remove your appendix. Rick: How's that even possible? Bailey: Uh, the body's an amazing thing. You know, sometimes these things, they just happen. Sally: If you had died... God. Rick: I didn't though. I lived. It's just the most amazing feeling. I feel like I could do anything right now. I mean, anything in the world because I faced death and I...I survived. Meredith: It changes a person. Rick: It does. It so does. Sally...Sal, I have to...I want to, um... Sally: Don't worry. The minute...the minute we get out of here, I am so destroying that video. You will never have to...to relive that horrible...in fact, where's your helmet? I'm gonna destroy that video right now. Rick: Sally. Sal...wait. Cristina: Did she say "video"? (Mr. Arnold's surgery) Erica: The trick is to envision the artery like a spaghetti noodle...pliable, but not too fragile. Richard: Good morning. Erica: Oh, this is an unexpected surprise, chief. You need something? Richard: Oh, first day. Just wanted to see how you were settling in. Erica: You see that? Izzie: It's a blockage, left main coronary artery. It's totally closed off. Erica: There's no way I'm getting a stent in there. We're gonna have to open him up. Izzie: B.P.'S dropping to 58 over 20. Richard: His heart's racing. Erica: And his temp's rising. Muscles are rigid. All right, let's bring him off anesthesia and start him on 100% o-2. He's got malignant hypothermia. Izzie: So he's allergic to the anesthesia? Richard: He'll never be able to endure the cabg. Izzie: So what are our options? (MR. Arnold's room after he wakes up) Mr. Arnold: That's just, uh...I mean, it sounds like you're telling me...you're not actually telling me I'm... I'm gonna die? Erica: The blockage we found in your heart needs surgery, extensive surgery. Angioplasty won't work. And since you're allergic to the anesthesia... Mr. Arnold: So I'll just, uh...I'll be like this. I'll be sick...and exhausted...and like this...until one day when I'll...just, uh...die. It would've been wonderful...to see that bird. It would've been wonderful. (ER) Mark: You're crowding me, O'Malley. Fiancé 2: Hey, hey, I think he just let go. You just let go of the dress, didn't you? George: No. Judge: I wish to god he had. Fiancé 1: I swear, if you let go and lose this contest after my Jackie almost died to win it Fiancé 2: Dude, a busted shoulder does not mean she almost died. Okay? Fiancé 1: Whatever. I'm watching you. Helena: I know you all think this is stupid. If I were you, I would think this is really stupid. Mark: I've never been married myself, so I'm not one to judge, but George here knows all about what it takes. Don't you, O'Malley? Helena: You're married? For how long? George: Not very long. Helena: Newlyweds, congratulations. George: Thanks. (Trauma room) Callie: Now, Jackie, Dr. Karev and I are gonna do this on the count of three, okay? Jackie: I should totally win over that Helena girl. I am way more injured than she is. I should just win by default. Callie: One...two...three. Jackie: Is it in? Alex: It popped back out. Callie: She's gonna need surgery. Jackie: Hey, no. I gotta get back to my dress. Just wrap some bandages around it or something. Callie: You would rather hold on to a dress with a dislocated shoulder than let me repair it in surgery for you right now? Jackie: I can have surgery anytime. I can only win this wedding once. (ER) Cristina: So what, he just stands there and holds a dress? Meredith: I know. I thought it was gonna be more exciting, too. Cristina: A monkey could hold a dress. George: Actually, this is a lot harder than it looks. Helena: Don't let them get to you. Tune them out, all of them. It's the only way to get through it. Fiancé 2: Sweetie, he's your competition. Don't help him. Judge: You ever give morphine to people who aren't patients? Cristina: This kinda blows. Alex: It's more fun when you heckle. Meredith: Don't heckle, George. Cristina: Yeah, whatever. I got something way better than this. Alex: Something that tops O'Malley playing bride? Cristina: Skydiver video. (Cristina, Alex, Izzie and Meredith are in an office) Izzie: What are we doing? Alex: Video from the helmet of a skydiver without a chute. Izzie: You guys are sick. Cristina: Oh, it's not a snuff film. The guy survives. Alex: Holy... Cristina: Oh, is he...oh, no, he's going for it. He's going for the chute. Oh, and it doesn't open. Meredith: Now he's flailing. Alex: He's going for his second chute. Izzie: Oh, jeez. Cristina: Oh, also doesn't open. Izzie: You'd think there'd be more screaming. Meredith: Oh, ok how close the ground is getting. Alex: What's he doing now? Cristina: Peeing his pants. Meredith: Is he saying something? Turn it up. Rick: God, I wish would've told you. I am so in love with you. I love you. I love you. I love you, Sally. I... All: Ohh! Izzie: Who's sally? Meredith: His skydiving instructor. Izzie: Sad. Cristina: Hey, what are you even doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in surgery? Izzie: The guy is allergic to anesthesia. The surgery was canceled. (Meredith and Cristina are in an exam room) Meredith: I drowned. I was sinking...I died. And you know what I realized? I realized how stupid all of my issues are. Cristina: I'm waiting for how this applies to me. Meredith: It doesn't. Cristina: Of course not. Meredith: Well, that man fell, and all he wanted was one last chance to tell sall how he felt about her. And I got one last chance. I got my chance. And what have I done with it? Cristina: You know, being aware of your crap and actually overcoming your crap are two very different things. Meredith: I know. Cristina: Okay, found it. (Cristina is in the hall with Erica) Cristina: Dr. Hahn, I know how you can do the surgery on the patient who is allergic to anesthesia. Erica: Well, no anesthesia means no ventilator. No ventilator means no cabg. Not a whole lot of wiggle room there. Cristina: You can operate on him while he's awake. Erica: Yang... Cristina: You can use a high thoracic epidural to numb him from the chest down. Let him breathe on his own the entire time. I mean, they pulled it off in India last month, and then again in... (Izzie walks up) Izzie: Dr. Hahn, you wanted to sign the discharge papers for Mr. Arnold? Erica: Not quite yet. (Mr. Arnold's room) Mr. Arnold: Wide awake? You want me to let you slice open my chest while I'm wide awake? Erica: It is your best option. Mr. Arnold: Uh, how...how long would I have to be lying there, uh, on the table with my chest open, uh, like that? Erica: The surgery can take up to five or six hours. Maybe more. Mr. Arnold: Uh, six hours...awake...with you operating on my heart. I... Izzie: The ivory-billed woodpecker. Erica: What? Cristina: What? Izzie: The ivory-billed woodpecker. Mr. Arnold, you want to live to see it, don't you? This is your only chance. Mr. Arnold: Ivory-billed woodpecker. Erica: Excellent. Stevens, we will scrub in as soon as an OR is free. Izzie: Uh, but the surgery was Cristina's idea. Erica: Either you want in or you don't. Which is it? Izzie: I do. Cristina: Uh, but... Erica: I'm sure there'll be standing room in the gallery, Yang. Stevens, book the OR. Derek: Uh, chief. Richard: Awake open-heart surgery? Derek: I want to talk to you about tonight. Richard: Have you heard about this awake open-heart surgery? Derek: I've invited Sloan and, um, well, I'm wondering what I should tell him to expect. Richard: Mm, tell him to expect a good time. Derek: Okay, so what is that, poker, cigars, whiskey? I mean, what kind of things? Richard: A good time, Shep. [SCENE_BREAK] (Jackie's room) Jackie: You know? You have no idea the kind of stamina it takes to stand in a display window for two days. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, like, ever. Callie: You're risking permanent damage to your shoulder over a contest. Lexie: What does your dress look like? Jackie: Strapless, sweetheart neckline, crystal beading...so pretty. Lexie: But you're gonna wear your hair down, though, right? You know, to cover the hunchback? Jackie: The what? Lexie: Oh, it's just, since you're ignoring Dr .Torres' advice about getting the surgery, you know, your shoulder is probably gonna be pretty swollen and purple...you know, kind of like a hunchback? But your hair should totally cover it. I mean, probably, with the right veil. Jackie: You didn't tell me that. How soon can we have the surgery? (Mark and Derek are in the hall with Erica) Mark: Dr. Hahn, I heard a crazy rumor about you. Erica: That I'm performing open-heart surgery on a man who's wide awake? Mark: That's the rumor. Erica: That's the truth. Derek: Well, I perform awake brain surgery all the time. Erica and Mark: Not the same thing. Mark: You ever heard of a gentlemen's evening? Erica: I'm sorry? Derek: The chief is hosting a gentlemen's evening. Mark: We're pretty sure it doesn't involve p0rn, but, you know, we want to be sure. Erica: Right. Are you two a couple? Mark and Derek: No. Erica: Just checking. Derek: Why would she ask that? Mark: I don't know. I'm...I'm worried about this gentlemen's thing. (ER) Izzie: George...you got a second? George: Seriously? One sec. Izzie: Hi. We're gonna have to push back our perfect evening tonight. Not by much...a few hours, I think. George: Sure. Izzie: Okay. I'm about to scrub in on an awake open-heart surgery. George: A what? Izzie: Awake. The patient's gonna be wide awake while we operate on his heart. Helena: That is intense. Izzie: It is. It is intense. It's...you know, Cristina would be all over this. She would be studying and quizzing herself, and all I can think about is...is the poor guy. You know, he's really nervous already, and...I'm not hard-core. I'm not hard-core enough for this. George: Yes, you are. What, you're just...you're just not like Cristina. You're hard-core. You're hard-core like Izzie. Did that just sound dirty? 'Cause that's not how I meant it. Fiancé 2: Mean it, man. George: Shut...go kick ass in the surgery, and then we'll have our night, and it will be perfect. Izzie: Oh, I have not shaved my legs yet. George: Go be hard-core Izzie. Go. Izzie: Okay, got it. Going Thank you. George: Bye. Fiancé 2: She's hot, man. Helena: Is she your wife? George: I don't know you well enough to have this conversation. (Erica enters Richard's office) Erica: Chief, you paged? Richard: Close the door. You had the nerve to tell a patient you would perform awake open-heart surgery without running it past me? Erica: Did Burke run every surgery past you? Richard: Erica, I know you're new here... Erica: No. Richard: But we run... Erica: I just want to know what the rules are. Every surgery Burke booked, he ran it up the flagpole first? And what about pretty and prettier? They run all their surgeries past you? Richard: Wait, you're talking about Shepherd and Sloan? Erica: I am talking about your male attendings. You know, the ones you invited to your gentlemen's evening? Guess you don't know a guy till you work for him. I mean, who knew you were running some kind of old boys' club? Richard: No, that is not it. What we were... Erica: You realize that an evening to which the male attendings are invited and the women are not...you realize that that's a lot like when law firms used to have country club weekends and failed to invite the black socialites? Erica: Good talk. I gotta prep for my surgery. (Meredith and Derek are in bed) Meredith: Remember when I was dead? Before I went in that water, everything was so...complicated and hard. And then you pulled me out of the water. And I came back to life. For a moment, everything was so clear...as if the water had washed everything clean. Do you remember that? Derek: I do. Meredith: Me, too. (Izzie lays down on a OR bed and sees what it would be like to be operated on while awake) (ER) George: I don't know how you guys did this for two days. Helena: Believe me, I would be at city hall tomorrow if that were an option. George: It is an option. You could just...let go. Helena: You let go. George: You let go, and it's no big deal. It's a wedding. I let go, and I have to face the wrath of Dr. Sloan. Helena: My mom manages a grocery store, and ever since I got engaged, she's been putting herself into serious debt over hand-engraved place cards and chocolate fountains. It's her dream. My wedding is her dream. This is so important to her. This is what she's been living for since I can remember, since...my dad left. My perfect night. So...I can do this. I can do this for her...because she's done a lot for me. (Jackie collapses) George: Get me a crash cart right now. (Helena's surgery) George: Must have happened when she fell this morning, which means she was bleeding all day. She seemed just fine. Richard: She must have been feeling some major pain. George: Yeah, holding on to that dress, that wasn't easy for her. It was humiliating. It was...but when someone's trying to break you, it gives you drive, gives you strength. Holding on to that dress for hours...I mean, days...you know, just...and in public, refusing to buckle, refusing to be...thats hard-core. I mean, in its own way, that's seriously hard-core. Richard: Rumor has it that Sloan was busy hazing one of his interns today. I take it you didn't buckle. George: No, sir. Richard: Good man, O'Malley. (Mr. Arnolds OR) Mr. Arnold: Uh, I can't feel anything from the neck down. It's almost like the rest of me just...doesn't exist. Izzie: Okay, the sound you're about to hear, that's the saw. Mr. Arnold: That...that's not a pretty sound. I brought you some music. Just listen to this and tune it all out. Mr. Arnold: And...and...and that smell. That...that smell is not... Izzie: That's the cautery. I...I know it's hard, but you'll get used to it. In a moment or two, you won't even notice it. I promise. (Rick's OR) Bailey: He jumped out of that plane. No one forced him to do it. Fell 12,000 feet. People chasing death down, then trying to cheat it. Doesn't make any kind of sense to me. Meredith: There's a clarity thing. When you cross over the edge, there's a moment when everything...just melts away, and you're fearless. I get it. I understand wanting to feel like that. (Jackie's recovery room) Callie: You're awake. Jackie: Did I win? Callie: You should know that your surgery went very well. Jackie: But who won? Is she still holding on? Alex: Helena collapsed. She's in surgery. Jackie: So...so I won? She...she collapsed, which...which means I won, right? Where...where's the judge? Callie: You...the woman that you stood next to for two days almost died. Okay, you've just woken up from surgery, and all that you can think about is if you won a stupid contest? Don't you get it? You...you shouldn't have to fight this hard for a wedding. You fight for a marriage, and sometimes even that is a lost cause. Sometimes you have to know when to let go. So just let go already, all right? Just frickin' let go. Jackie: Yeah, but...did I win? (Cristina is in the gallery with Derek) Cristina: Izzie stuck a picture of a bird on an empty saline bag and put it in his eyeline. Derek: That's smart. I wouldn't have thought of that. Cristina: Yeah. Derek: She doesn't let me take care of her. It's not my job anymore. She won't let me. Cristina: I'm taking care of her. Mr. Arnold: You're, uh...you're, uh you're looking at my heart? You're looking at my... actual heart? Erica: Better than that, Mr. Arnold, we're fixing it. And, uh, all...all those people, uh, up there in the observation deck, they're...they're, uh, looking at it, too? Izzie: They are. Mr. Arnold: People watching me. People watching me instead of, uh...it's...it's so weird, uh, to be the one being watched. It...it's so weird. Erica: How you doing there, Mr. Arnold? You need anything? Mr. Arnold: Uh, uh, it's...it's cold, uh, co-cold in here. Uh, I...I need to cover up. Uh, uh, c-cover me up. Uh, okay? Um, cov-cover me up. C-cov-cover me up. Izzie: Yeah, we're gonna...we're...we're gonna cover your legs with more blankets right now. Mr. Arnold: Oh, c-cov-cover me up. Okay? Okay, cover...cover me up. Izzie: His heart rate's up to 168. Erica: Damn it. Mr. Arnold: You know, uh, ev-everybody's watching, uh, and...and, uh, I...I need to be covered up. I...I need...I...I can't stay like this. I can't stay like this. You need...need...I...I can' I can't. No, stop right now. Just...just stop the surgery. Stop! Stop it! Stop! Stop! Okay, I...I mean it. Get your hands out of me. Please stop! Erica: Mr. Arnold, I need you to calm down so that your heart can calm down. Izzie: Okay, hey, Mr. Arnold. Mr. Arnold, oh. Look at me. Good. Okay. Now I want you to focus on... on the observation deck, okay? Pretend that it's a tree line or a shoreline or something...something with birds. Those aren't people up there watching you, those are birds...your birds...and you're watching them. So tell me, Mr. Arnold, about the birds. Tell me. Tell me about the birds. Mr. Arnold: I...I can't. Izzie: You can. How about her? That woman in...in the far left? What kind of bird would she be? Mr. Arnold: Okay, okay, uh, uh, I guess, um, uh, she...she has a long neck. Uh, so she'd...she'd be an ibis, some kind of ibis. Izzie: Okay, good. Great. Great. Who's next? Mr. Arnold: Uh, okay. That one (refers to Cristina), uh, doing...doing that little, uh, dance with her fingers. Um, she's a...she...she's the purple sandpiper. Uh, yeah, those are tough little birds. Those are survivors. And, um, and him (refers to Derek), uh, with the, uh, the...the sad eyes, uh-huh, he would...he's a, uh, a thrush, a black-headed nightingale thrush. And...and the tall one standing there, (refers to Richard), uh, watching over everything, over, uh, everyone...uh uh, he doesn't miss a thing. He's a...a great blue heron. No question. (George is in the hallway) Callie: Hey, how's, uh, how's, uh, how's your bride? Did she, uh, pull through okay? George: Yeah. Callie: Please tell me that you let go first. I absolutely cannot handle my bride winning that way. What? George: Oh, nothing. Just, uh... I just didn't know if we...we'd ever be able to...talk again. Callie: I'm letting go. I have to...let go. (Callie walks away and George enters Helena's room) Fiancé 2: Why didn't you tell anybody you were hurting? Helena: You would've made me let go. Fiancé 2: Hell yeah, I would've. Helena: I guess I lost anyway. George: No, actually, I let go first. Helena: You did? George: Someone had to catch you. Judge: Here, a 100 grand. Have a nice life. Helena: We won. Oh, my god. I can't believe I'm crying over this. We did this. We actually did this. Fiancé 2: No, sweetie, you did it. This was all you. (Meredith is in Rick's room) Rick: I know this sounds ridiculous, but I'm a little disappointed. I mean, I survived a 12,000-foot freefall, and this is gonna be my only scar? Meredith: It goes away. Rick: The scar? Meredith: The feeling. That feeling that you have right now, today, that feeling like you can do anything, that clarity, it goes away. And you go right back to being the coward who can't tell the person you love how you feel. I saw your video. Rick: You saw the...ok. But you're not gonna let Sally see it, right? You're not gonna let her know what I said? Meredith: Like I said...it goes away. It's going away right now. You have to tell her how you feel, right now while you still can. Rick: She is just so incredible, I mean, at everything she does. She's way out of my league. You don't understand. There is no way that she could possibly feel the same way that... Meredith: Well, if she doesn't feel the same way, then you move on. But if you never find out how she feels, then that won't be your only scar. (Meredith leaves and Sally enters) (Mark and Derek are at Derek's waiting for Richard to arrive) Mark: He doesn't have any secret fetishes, right? He really...he doesn't strike me as a fetish kind of guy. (Richard arrives) Derek: Hey, Richard, you gotta tell us what this evening is about. You've been obtuse, it's been fun but, you know, we're getting a little freaked out now. What's a gentlemen's evening? Richard: It's an evening with no ladies, just gentlemen. Mark: That's it? Richard: Well, yeah. (Erica walks up) Erica: Pretty boys living in the woods. This is very charming. Or sad. I'm not sure which. Mark: What happened to no ladies? Derek: Yeah. Richard: Plans change. (Seattle scenes) (Lexie and Alex are outside the hospital) Lexie: What are you doing tonight? Alex: As in, uh... Lexie: What are you doing tonight? Alex: Look, uh...I'm not a nice guy. I don't date. I don't call the next day. I...I'm not looking for a relationship 'cause I'm never good at 'em. And honestly, I'm kinda hung up on somebody else. So...the only thing you're ever gonna get from me is sx. That's it. And, uh, that's never enough for girls like you. (Alex walks away) MVO: Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hard-core. (The gentleman's evening is playing Monopoly) MVO: But being hard-core isn't just about being tough. Richard: Oh, this is just unfair! Erica: In your face, banker. Park place is mine. Give it up. Come on. Yeah, oh, with a hotel! I think you owe him money. (Izzie and George are in bed) MVO: It's about acceptance. Izzie: George. (Crying) I'm exhausted. Every bone...and every muscle in my body...aches. And I don't think I can do this. I don't...it's not that I don't want to, because I do. I really, really do. It's just that I...I just spent six and a half hours on my feet in surgery, and I can barely hold myself up, and I'm just so tired. this is...this is like a...a rare bird, George. You know, I mean, the first time that we're together since...since we were together, and it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I don't want to waste it. I don't want to waste it on a night that I'm too exhausted to enjoy it because I want to enjoy our rare bird, George. I need to enjoy our rare bird. George: Me, too. I...and oh, my hand is just...oh, it's just killing me from holding that dress. So maybe to...maybe tonight's not the perfect night. Maybe a perfect night is...another night. Izzie: Really? George: Yeah, yeah. Do you want to maybe, uh...go to sleep? Izzie: Yeah. Oh, thanks. George: Okay. Did you only shave one of your legs? Izzie: I know. I'm sorry. George: No, no, I was just wondering. It's cool. It's...it's okay. Sorry. It's...it's... Izzie: Oh, my god. I can't do it. (Meredith and Cristina are in bed) MVO: Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hard-core for once. Meredith: Maybe I should take a sleeping pill. Cristina: Oh, no. Don't do that. You'll just get strung out and turn into a bad afterschool special. We'll just sleep, and...you'll sleep. Meredith: I can't stop, Cristina. I just can't stop seeing Derek. And it's not about the sx. It's not...about the s*x. It's about that moment afterward...when the world stops. It just feels so safe...so safe. I'm not ready to give that up. Does that make me sad and weak and pathetic? Cristina: A little bit. Meredith: What do I do? Cristina: I don't know. MVO: You don't have to be tough every minute of every day. It's okay to let down your guard. In fact, there are moments when it's the best thing you could possibly do (Meredith hears noises from outside her room and goes to investigate. She walks out to see Alex and Lexie together)...as long as you choose your moments wisely. (She slams the door and goes back inside) Lexie: Alex, please tell me that you don't live with Meredith Grey. (Meredith looks shocked in her room)
doc_175	Pan over a mountain to a remote compound. A helicopter flies toward it. Inside are four armed guards and a prisoner in blue drab uniform with a black head covering over his/her head. Cut to helicopter flying over barbed wire fence and landing in a courtyard. Guards climb out and bring prisoner, hands and feet chained, with them. They walk into the facility, apparently some kind of jail. One soldier shows his badge and they are buzzed inside. The prisoner is brought through several locking doors. At the end of a hallway of jail cells, the prisoner's hood is released. It's Sydney. She looks at the prisoners in their cells as she is walked to the very end of the hallway and shoved into the end cell. They remove her cuffs and lock her in. Close up on Sydney's face. She looks stricken and lost. Cut to flyover of LA by day. Cut to Lindsey followed by several NSC officers entering the JTF Center. Lindsey: (to man on his left) If you find anything, you let me know Lauren! Pan across room to Lauren on telephone. Lauren: I'll call you back. She hangs up telephone and falls into step with Lindsey. Lindsey: Dixon spoken with the DCI? Lauren: Yes. Lindsey: Good. I want to make sure we have access to all computer accounts, emails, and correspondence seen in this office in the last two years. Lauren: Yes, sir. I've already put a request in through Langley. Lindsey: Who'd you talk to over there? Lauren: Brandon. I'm on it. Lauren and Linsdey enter Dixon's office. Dixon stands behind his desk. Vaughn and Weiss stand in front of it. All turn toward Lindsey and Lauren as they enter. Lindsey: I understand the Director of Intelligence has already conveyed his desire to transfer authority over this task force from your agency to mine. I expect you to cooperate fully. Cut to Vaughn giving Lauren a really upset How could you do this!?' look. Dixon (voiceover): No. Not exactly. Cut to Lauren giving Vaughn a stubborn look and then addressing her eyes toward Dixon. Dixon: I explained to my superiors that the decision was mine to withhold information from the NSC regarding Sydney Bristow's involvement in the Lazarey murder. Cut to Vaughn and Weiss as they turn to assess Lindsey and Lauren's reaction to this news. Dixon: And that the members of my staff in question were acting working under direct orders from me. Lindsey: I see. Dixon: My staff will remain on active duty and cooperate in any investigation Lindsey: They're not your staff, Mr. Dixon. Not anymore. Cut to Dixon's defiant stone face. Lindsey (voiceover): I'm pulling your clearance until further notice. Dixon: Mr. Lindsey, I would expect nothing less from you. Lindsey: One of my men will escort you to a facility for questioning. Cut to Dixon. He removes his badge and places it in a small manila envelope on his desk and walks toward Lindsey, anticipating his next statement: Lindsey: In the meantime, you'll need to surrender all credentials and access cards Dixon hands Lindsey the envelope and walks out of the room, taking the steam out of Lindsey's sails in his speech. Vaughn gives Lauren another dirty look. She still looks defiantly back, her arms crossed. Lindsey moves to stand behind Dixon's desk to address Vaughn and Weiss. Lindsey: Well, of course, you'll be questioned as well. Let's not make this any harder than it has to be. Vaughn: It's too late for that. Vaughn turns to leave saying to Lauren as he walks out: Vaughn: I need to talk to you right now Cut to Lauren and Vaughn walking down a hallway. Vaughn is in front and Lauren is walking behind him, trying to catch up. Lauren: Before you start, know that I did what I thought was right, given the information that I Vaughn turns back toward her and gets right in Lauren's face, obviously agitated. Vaughn: Sydney is in Lindsey's custody because of you! Lauren: The Lazarey murder was my assignment! Sydney murdered a Russian diplomat! Vaughn: Okay, stop! Don't act like this is your first day on the job! Lauren: Sydney is in NSC custody not ! Vaughn (cutting her off): No, she is in Lindsey's custody. Lauren: You think Lindsey's unaccountable!? Vaughn: Lauren, his operation is funded by black money. What the White House expects from him is results Lauren: What you're suggesting is that I willfully participate in an orchestrated cover up! Vaughn: No, but I would have hoped you'd be a person about this! Lauren: While you clearly underestimate not only my ability to do my job but also, apparently, my humanity, you should know that not only do I believe I did the right thing, but the more you talk, the more suspicious I get! (beat) You're the one who got her out of the country, aren't you? Cut to Vaughn. He doesn't answer, but she reads it on his face. Lauren (not as angry, more worried for Vaughn): Do you know what would happen to you if it becomes known that you helped a fugitive evade the Federal Government? Vaughn (very snarky): I'm not concerned about myself right now Lauren sighs and looks down before looking back up with a bit of new defiance. Lauren: If what you're suggesting is right, that to learn what happened to Sydney over the past two years Robert Lindsey intends to have surgery performed on her which will render her brain dead why would he have me write the White House brief? Vaughn looks shocked and worried by this new development. Vaughn: What!? Lauren (more confident she's right now): He's asked me to go with him as an observer of Sydney's interrogation. This information disturbs Vaughn. Instead of being relieved, it's clear he's more worried. Lauren (voiceover): Clearly, he's got nothing to hide Vaughn looks up to meet her eyes. It's clear he's disbelieving of her outlook on the matter. Lauren: Michael for whatever reason, you're overreacting to this. Cut to Vaughn. He's got that stubborn, annoyed face back in full force. Lauren: I don't know how long I'll be gone So I guess I'll see you Lauren turns and walks away. Stay on Vaughn's face, worried, annoyed, determined. Cut to slo-mo of Jack walking across a hallway entrance leading to the main rotunda. He's staring intently at someone. He stops walking. Cut to Lindsey leaning over another agent at a desk. Pan to closeup of Lindsey's face as he realizes someone's eyes are upon him. He looks up and makes eye contact with Jack. They stare each other down for a long moment. Jack's stare is cold, and downright scary it says something akin to You mess with my daughter and I will kill you Lindsey tries his best to stare back, but just hint of apprehension is in his expression. Jack coldly dismisses him, turns his head and walks away. Cut to Jack walking down the hallway. Vaughn hurries behind him to catch up to him. Vaughn: Jack, I wanna be a part of it. Vaughn falls into step with Jack. Jack (with a hint of his classic sarcasm): If I knew what you were talking about, I'd refuse anyway. Vaughn: Come on I've thought of a half dozen scenarios to help Sydney Lindsey has to be shut down! He Jack suddenly stops and turns toward Vaughn. Vaughn: Did your scenarios take into account that helping Sydney at this point will require breaking at least a dozen federal laws? Vaughn (in an intense half-whisper): Just the fact that you're telling me this means you have something planned! Damn it, let me help! Cut to Jack. He looks like he's undecided as to whether to accept Vaughn's offer. Cut back to Vaughn, looking more determined than ever. Vaughn (still intense): If anything happens to Sydney (he shakes his head) Jack stares at Vaughn for a second, blinks, and then says: Jack: Meet me in the parking garage in three minutes. Vaughn nods slightly as Jack walks away. Cut to pan up of Sydney's cell. She's walking around, feeling for any crack, indent, anything she might be able to use to eventually escape. Another prisoner who can see her from his cell 90 degrees addresses her. Prisoner: Whatcha doin'? Sydney looks up at him, surprised. Prisoner: Were you lookin' for somethin'? Sydney stares at him for a moment. She's wary of him. Sydney: Maybe The prisoner crawls to the end of his bed to speak at her through the bars of his cell. Prisoner (whispering): Hey if you find any I'll have some. If it's candy God, I'd love candy. Sydney looks at him almost pityingly for a moment and then gives a hint of a smile. Prisoner: I'm Campbell. Sydney: Sydney. She smiles again. Campbell seems like he's a bit slow, or else is so broken from torture that he's become almost childlike. Campbell: Syd ney (as if trying out the sound of it) Campbell crawls along the bars to stand close to her. Campbell: Hey Hey Don't leave, okay? Please? Been a long time without someone to talk to Sydney just looks at him. Cut to an overpass over a drainage canal. Pan to Jack and Vaughn on the side of a road. Vaughn: So this contact we're meeting Former NSC? Jack gives Vaughn a sideways glance, his arms crossed. Jack: No. He turns to look at Vaughn and then back at the road. Vaughn: How are they gonna help us locate Sydney? Jack looks back at Vaughn. Jack: We're waiting for Sloane. Vaughn's surprised and a bit annoyed by this news. He crosses his arms across his chest. Vaughn: You called Sloane on this!? Jack doesn't answer, he just turns to look down the road. So does Vaughn. Cut to a black sedan driving toward them. Cut back to Jack and Vaughn. Jack: You and I will be the prime suspects behind any intent to free Sydney from NSC custody. Sloane has agreed to make it seem as if it were the work of the Covenant. Do I trust him on this? Not necessarily. They both turn toward Sloane's car as he gets out and walks toward them, hands in his pockets. Sloane: Gentlemen. According to my sources, Sydney is being held at Camp Williams. Off Jack's reaction, we cut to Vaughn. Vaughn: Camp Williams is a Naval training facility, why would Lindsey take her there? Jack: Because it's home to an unacknowledged NSC detention center used for the interrogation of suspected terrorists whose captivity the government won't admit to. Sloane: So to help her, we'll need a tactical team. At least eight men, transportation, weapons, specialized backup I would suggest Brill. Jack: I thought he was in Freetown? Sloane: Oh no, not since the government fell. If he's available, Domier would know. Jack: We'll need to get a hold of blueprints to Camp Williams Vaughn (cutting in, both men turn to look at him): The FEMA Central Office downtown. They should have a set of blueprints on file. Jack (impressed): Good. We'll prep infiltration into the FEMA building. Meet back here in three hours. Cut to Sloane. He suddenly looks amused by something. Sloane: I told you, Jack We'd work together again. This statement seems to really burn Jack. He gives Sloane a look of death, and walks away, Vaughn following him. Pan over to Sloane, still amused. Cut to a hallway in Camp Williams. Pan to Sydney, being rolled along on a stretcher, bound hand and foot. Cut to another helicopter flying towards Camp Williams. Cut to Lindsey and Lauren inside the copter. Lindsey looks out the window, Lauren surveys Lindsey as if trying to figure out which version of this man is the real truth, hers or Vaughn's. Lindsey: Just so we're clear It's in all our best interests to make sure that no one on the Hill questions our ethics, Lauren. That's why I'm counting on you to write a thorough report chronicling our investigation to date, and our fair treatment of Sydney Bristow. Understood? Lauren stares at him. Cut to Sydney being wheeled into what appears to be a cross between an emergency room and a torture chamber. Cut to the doctor' who looks decidedly creepy. The guards start to remove her restraints and Sydney starts to fight against them, but they keep her overpowered and transfer her to a table in the room and restrain her to it. Cut to Lauren in the helicopter. Lauren: But Sydney's made it very clear she doesn't remember anything. Lindsey: But when we searched her flat in Rome, we found a coded message taped to the underside of her desk. Now, if she can decode that message, it may help us infiltrate or even take down the Covenant. Lauren: What if she doesn't recognize the code? Lindsey: As long as she demonstrates a willingness to cooperate, that surgery will be nothing more than a threat. Cut to Sydney in the midst of being given electroshock by the evil doctor. The treatment stops. She takes in deep, gasping breaths. The doctor holds a sheaf of papers in front of her face. Doctor: Ms. Bristow, we know you know how to read this code Do you recognize your handwriting? Sydney (panting): No I draw little hearts over my Is smiley faces sometimes Doctor: What you're feeling now? The pain from shock therapy? It's nothing There's another procedure neurostimulation We could use it to find out where you've been the last two years Cut to Sydney, still panting with pain. His barb does affect her a little. Doctor: Decypher the text and we won't have to Sydney: Don't bother negotiating with me! You better make sure I'm a vegetable when you're done with me The doctor turns his head and looks toward a slatted window where Lindsey stands watching, his arms crossed, not happy. Pushing a button to broadcast his voice into the room, he says: Lindsey: Try a higher setting The doctor turns up the setting and shocks her again. Smash cut to black. End of Act One. Closeup on Sydney's shackled right hand as the evil doctor undoes the cuff after apparently more electroshock. Doctor: The human body is an amazing thing. A couple of hours you'll almost feel human again. Cut to Sydney's face. Her eyes are closed, her face clammy and sweaty. She's obviously weak, in pain and exhausted. She opens her eyes and then we see a sudden determined look cross her face. The camera follows her gaze to the sheaf of papers the doctor had shoved in her face earlier. It's held together by a large paper clip. Doctor: You have a strong heart, though. You could survive another five six sessions. Sydney takes a sideways glance at the doctor. When his back is turned, she reaches out and palms the paper clip off the sheaf of papers. Doctor: That'll be a new record for both of us The doctor turns and Sydney just gives him as nasty a look as she can currently manage. Cut to Lindsey exiting the torture area. Lauren comes up from behind him. Lauren: I thought I was supposed to be observing? Lindsey turns around to face her and plasters a humoring smile on his face. Lindsey: And you will as much as possible. But my interrogation of Agent Bristow includes a discussion of classified material. Lauren: How can I report on an investigation I'm not part of? Lindsey: We can talk about it Come on; I'll brief you on what I can Lindsey reaches out a hand to Lauren's arm as if to invite her to walk with him. She's having none of it. Lauren: No, I'm sorry but if I'm going to chronicle our treatment of Sydney Bristow, I need to see how she's being treated. Lindsey's face immediately loses the patronizing smile and hardens. Lindsey: How do you suppose it was that Sydney Bristow knew to flee the country before she was even aware the NSC wanted to take her into custody? Cut to Lauren's reaction. She's definitely afraid of where Lindsey is going with this line of discussion. Lindsey: With plane tickets? Fake passport? I doubt you want me looking into who it was that aided and abetted the escape of a wanted fugitive. Lauren looks shocked, betrayed. Her eyes are opened to Lindsey's true character for the first time. She shakes her head slightly, as if she can't believe she didn't see it before. Lauren: That's why you asked for me. Legally, you needed a witness Lindsey: Get to your office. You have a report to write. Lindsey turns and walks away, leaving Lauren to stare at him, wondering what the heck to do with the mess she's in. Cut to Sydney being slammed down upon the mattress in her cell. She's gasping and her body twitches involuntarily as an aftereffect of the shock treatments. Campbell (whispering): Sydney they didn't give you one Sydney looks up to see Campbell holding out a wool blanket to her through the bars of his cell. Campbell: It's cold at night. Sydney takes the blanket. Sydney (whispering): Thank you. She wraps the blanket around herself. Campbell: This is not the best place. Sydney snickers at the extreme understatement. She lies back down, this time on her stomach. Her body still twitches. Campbell: They wanted to know about Iran when I was there assigned. What do they wanna know about you? Sydney looks at Campbell with almost tears in her eyes but doesn't answer. Campbell (in a whispering determined voice): Don't give it to them! Sydney nods and then lies down on her side, facing away from Campbell. She opens the palm of her hand and we see she's still holding the paper clip. Her body still twitches. She touches it with her other hand and then clutches it tightly, as if it were a lifeline. Cut to a chessboard complete with timer clocks. A black man's hand moves a piece on the board, taking a white piece. Cut up to the man's face. He's probably in his 50's, mustache, wearing a cap and a green army jacket, smoking a cigar. Man: That's checkmate in three moves. Do you wanna give me my 50 bucks now or do we go through the motions? I got all day. Cut to his opponent, a young white man in his early 20's. He looks down at the board, disgusted and then pulls the money out of his pocket and throws it on the table. As the man gets up to walk away the winning man asks: Man: That's not tuition money, is it? The man snickers as the young man gets up and leaves. The black man starts to reset the pieces on the board. He's almost finished when we see a 100 dollar bill laid onto the center of the board. Jack (voiceover): I'll put you in checkmate in ten moves. The man looks up at him assessingly and then answers: Man: Yeah if I play with my eyes closed. Cut to wider angle. Jack sits down opposite the man; Vaughn sits in a chair to the side of Jack. Jack starts resetting the pieces on his side of the board. Jack: Long time Man: Chile, '73. Should've never helped overthrow Allende. Jack: Thomas Brill, Michael Vaughn. Vaughn and Brill make eye contact. Vaughn nods once at Brill. Brill leans back in his chair a little, assessing Vaughn. Brill (a little bit of surprise in his voice): You Bill Vaughn's kid? Cut to Vaughn's reaction. He's surprised this man apparently knew his father. Vaughn: Yeah, he was my father. Brill: He was a good man. Vaughn: Thank you. Jack: You interested in a high-risk extraction? Jack makes a move on the chessboard and clicks the button on his timer. Brill: Always. Paint me a picture. Jack: Camp Williams Detention Center. Brill: Blind? Jack: Blueprints. Sloane's designing the op. Brill (amused): Well, look who's putting the band back together? Vaughn gives Jack an annoyed look. Brill: Rules of engagement. Brill makes a move on the chessboard and pushes his timer button. Jack: The facility is protected by two dozen DoD personnel. Lethal force is not an option. Brill: Well, if were going to use tranqs, I'm gonna need another 5 freelancers. It's not gonna be cheap, Jack: 250K per hire another 9 for the chopper Brill moves a piece on the chessboard and clicks his timer button. Brill: and for the non-lethal gunmetal? Add another 6. Jack: Done. Meet me at this address it two hours. Jack places a business card down onto the table. He moves another piece on the chessboard. Jack: Checkmate. Jack smiles at Brill, who looks surprised. Cut to Vaughn and Jack walking away from the table. Vaughn (apprehensive): You just agreed to pay him 2 million dollars Jack (unperturbed): Three. Cut to the inside of a dark room as Jack opens a sliding metal door, shedding light into it. He hits a light switch illuminating the room and enters. Vaughn walks in behind him looking around. There's a large stockpile of automatic weapons, bombs, flak jackets, medical supplies, etc. Vaughn: What the hell is this? Jack: Storage. Jack drops an empty black backpack onto the table and then bends down to type in the combination on a safe. Vaughn closes the door behind them. Jack opens the door to the safe to reveal huge stacks of cellophane wrapped cash. Jack starts grabbing the cash bundles and depositing them on the table behind him in front of Vaughn, who picks up the first couple of bundles to look at them and then starts to load the money into the backpack. Vaughn: The fact that you're letting me see this place means it's not your only one, is it? Jack deposits more money on the table and gives Vaughn a glance. Jack (with the barest hint of amusement): You're smarter than you look Vaughn half smiles and continues to load money into the backpack. Cut to an external view of Camp Williams through the fence. Cut to a computer screen as the words I, Lauren Reed are typed onto it and stop. Cut to Lauren. She's still obviously torn and not sure what she should do. She's pretty sure now that Vaughn was right about Sydney's treatment, seeing that she isn't being allowed to view it, and that she's being blackmailed to write a whitewashed report. But at the same time, she doesn't want her husband to get in trouble. She leans her elbows on the desk and leans her mouth into her hands, closing her eyes. Cut to Sydney's gurney pushing through a set of doors. Again, she's shackled to the gurney. As she's wheeled into the interrogation room, the doctor greets her: Doctor: Miss Bristow! You look better. The guards have wheeled the gurney parallel to the table. Sydney (sarcastic): Yeah, I feel great thanks. Doctor: I hear you're making friends with your cellmate! Cut to a closeup of Sydney's right hand. She's bent the paper clip out straight and uses the point to unlock the restraint on that hand. The doctor signs the transfer paperwork for the guard. Doctor: He's a journalist you know in the Middle East. Story is he died in a car accident. Truth is he was protecting his source. Hee hee He thought the 1st amendment would protect him The guard undoes the left shackle on Sydney's hand. Doctor: He's strong though, like you Sydney takes the opportunity to swing across and hit the guard in the nose with her right palm, kicking out with her foot at the other one at the foot of the gurney. She gets up and kicks out the second guard again and then ducks as the doctor swings a long metal pole at her. She kicks the doctor in the stomach, knocking him over. The 1st guard picks up a tranq gun, but Syd kicks the gurney into him, knocking the gun out of his hand. It clatters to the floor. The doctor and Sydney both jump for it. They struggle over the gun and then Sydney shoots the tranq dart into the doctor's abdomen and makes a run for it. Cut to Sydney bolting from the room and down a corridor as an announcement blares over the loudspeaker: Code red. Prisoner loose in corridor mark three three. Initiate lockdown procedures. Cut to Lauren, typing on her laptop. She looks up as two guards run past her window. Guard: I'm on it! Cut to Sydney as she bursts through a set of doors. She's immediately brutally clotheslined by a guard with a clubbing stick. Sydney drops to the floor. Other guards come running. Syd flips the first guard, but before she can run again, she's grabbed by each arm by other guards. Guard #1: Hold her! Guard #1 viciously shoves his baton into Syd's stomach. Cut to Lauren running from the room into the hallway. Cut back to what she sees at the end of the hallway: The two guards holding Sydney's arms slamming her face first into the wall and then a guard from behind her yells: Guard: Quiet! And then he tasers Sydney in the back. Sydney screams as her legs give out from under her. As Lauren watches, the guards drag a limp and whimpering Sydney around the corner out of view. Close up on Lauren's face. She looks down and nods as if to say, Yep I knew it I've been played they are torturing her She looks back up and her face hardens with resolve. Cut to black. End of Act Two. Cut to Sloane, sitting inside a van in front of a laptop computer. The sliding door to the van opens and Vaughn climbs inside, dressed in a workman's jumpsuit. He sits down next to Jack. Vaughn: I found the junction box and planted the video scrambler. When you activate this (hands Jack a small item, looks like a remote car starter) it'll lock down the security system for as long as it takes for you to copy the blueprints. Any word from Brill? Jack: He should have the team hired and equipped in time for tonight as long as we're successful and get the blueprints. Cut to the computer screen as Sloane works. Sloane: There we go Okay, I got us into the trunk exchange. Now every incoming and outgoing call to the FEMA building will be rerouted through this number. (to Jack) You're ready. Jack hits the button on the scrambler. (This great 70's type funk song What Do I Have To Do To Prove My Love For You? kicks in.) Cut to the front desk as the security guard watches the monitors turn to snow. Guard turns to official looking guy next to him. Guard: Sir, we lost picture. Official guy puts down the paper he was reading and picks up the telephone and dials a number. Cut to Vaughn in the van as his cell phone rings. Vaughn: Weller Security, can you hold? Official: No, I can't. This is the LA EOC. All my screens just went blank. Vaughn: Did you reboot? Official: We're doing it now. Vaughn: Well, I've got a man in the area; I'll send him over. Vaughn turns off the cell phone and nods to Jack. Cut to Jack as he swaggers into the FEMA building. He shows his ID badge. With a very blue-collarish almost New York accent, he says. Jack: Yeah, I got a call. You guys down? Official: Where's Stuart? Jack: Sick. Got a nasal infection freakin' nightmare! Cut to Vaughn and Sloane climbing down a ladder inside a manhole. Vaughn is carrying a large briefcase. Sloane: I've been doing this longer than you. Jack could've taken a camera in there. Vaughn: If they sweep him a find a camera? This is all over Vaughn opens the case and pulls out a laptop and a long cable with a tiny camera lens on the end. Cut to inside the FEMA building. The security guard rounds the kiosk toward Jack. Guard: Federal security measures require that we make a thorough search Jack: Hey, I'm new, but I'm not new all right? I know the protocol. Guard uses a handheld metal detector on Jack. He's clean. Official: Then you know I gotta stay with you at all times. Jack: Right. Right. Just give me the tools and show me the way. Official hands Jack a small zippered tool folio. Cut to Vaughn starting up the laptop. Cut to Jack and Official walking toward the computer room. Official: It's right over here. Jack: This shouldn't take too long. In the meantime, you might wanna make sure your data files are backed up. Official: I already did. Jack: Right. Jack starts to unscrew a panel on one of the mainframe computers. Official guy sits down to watch. Cut to Vaughn, who has connected the laptop to the camera. We're seeing snow on the screen. Sloane: Having spent a significant amount of time with your wife over the past year, I think it's safe to say that you're a lucky man. Vaughn pauses, then says: Vaughn: Yes I am. Sloane: I imagine that all of this is something of a strain on your relationship, hmm? Vaughn looks very annoyed but refuses to rise to Sloane's bait. He feeds the camera into a hole that wires are coming out of at the junction box. Vaughn: Terminal twelve will take us up Vaughn gives Sloane a dirty side glance. Cut to the computer screen as the camera lens climbs higher. He looks up at Sloane. Vaughn: Make the call. Cut to the telephone ringing at the main kiosk. The security guard answers. Guard: Federal Emergency Management. Sloane: Yeah, this is Director Blackman. I've just been pulled from a meeting with the Secretary of Defense to find out that your branch has been dark for the past thirty minutes. Guard: Yes, well we're working on it. My supervisor's in with the technician now Sloane (cutting him off, very pompous sounding): Whoa son, son Now I'm sure you're aware that the chances of a terrorist attack on the city of Los Angeles are extraordinarily high. And if, God forbid, something like that should befall us, I would expect that the central office tasked with the management of such an emergency would be prepared! Cut to Vaughn as he continues to feed the camera wire up the hole. Sloane: So, why don't you get your supervisor on the line right now? Guard picks up a walkie talkie. Guard: Sir, Director Blackman's on blue. You need to speak with him now Official looks annoyed and nervous. Official: I'm on my way (to Jack) You wait here. As soon as the Official leaves the room Jack starts hurriedly searching through blueprint drawers. Cut to Vaughn, still feeding the camera. Cut back to Jack still searching drawers. Focus from Jack to the security camera on the wall behind him. Suddenly a small cable comes out the bottom of it and turns in Jack's direction. Cut to the laptop screen as the camera on the cable turns and sees Jack. Vaughn: There he is. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Official, picking up telephone. He turns to security guard and says: Official: Go check on the alarm guy. Guard: Yes, sir. As guard gets up and leaves, Official answers phone. Official: Director Blackman Cut to Jack searching more drawers. He finds the stack he's looking for. He starts holding them up to the camera while Vaughn snaps pictures of them. Sloane (on phone to Official): As I'm sure you're aware, the people of Los Angeles face a myriad of disasters Cut to Jack, holding up blueprints. Cut to guard, walking down the hallway toward where Jack is. Cut back to Jack holding up blueprints. Cut to Vaughn, studying them and taking pictures. Sloane: No, we're not just talking about terrorism. In case you haven't noticed, we're due for another earthquake (cut to Official looking flabbergasted and can't get a word in edgewise) Plus, because of the recent forest fires, we're susceptible to mudslides. Cut to guard, unlocking the door leading to the hallway where the room where Jack is. Sloane: Not to mention the fact that there seems to be a riot breaking out every time the Lakers win! Jack holds up the last blueprint and Vaughn gets a copy of it. He looks up and nods at Sloane. Sloane (with a brush off tone): Just make sure you get it done. (He hangs up.) Cut to guard as he enters the control room. Jack is just screwing in the last screw in the computer mainframe. He looks up at the guard. Jack: That'll do it Should be back online. Jack zips up the tool case and hands it to the guard. Guard: Great. Cut to the main kiosk as the monitors blink back into life. Pan up to Official, nodding with satisfaction. Jack and Guard round corner. Jack: Take it easy. Jack starts to walk away. Official (to guard): Get Blackman. He'll wanna know we're back online right away. Cut to Jack's look of panic at this announcement. He walks a little swifter toward the door. Guard: Director Blackman, please. (pause, listening) Out of the country!? I just spoke with him; he said he was in Washington! Guard looks over at Official with confusion. Official looks up at Jack suddenly with suspicion. Official (yelling at Jack): Hey! Jack has just exited the door and keeps walking briskly as the van hastily pulls up into the drive. Official and Guard rush out after Jack. Jack starts to run for the van. Official: Stop where you are! Sloane gets out of the van waving Jack toward it frantically. Official: Stop where you are! Guard draws a gun. Guard: Hands in the air! Cut to Sloane, still waving Jack on, gives him a hand up into the van just as the guard takes aim and shoots. Sloane purposefully uses his body to shield Jack's and is shot in the chest, falling backward into the van. Jack looks shocked as the van screeches away. Cut to black. End of Act Three. Opens to black. Suddenly there's light as the door to Jack's Storage facility opens. Jack and Vaughn are supporting a groaning Sloane between them. Jack shoves papers from the metal table. Jack (to Vaughn): Get him down on the table. As Vaughn gets Sloane to lie on the table, Jack grabs a wool blanket to prop up his head. Vaughn rushes to the door to close it behind them. Jack goes over to the medical supplies across the room and wheels a rolling chest of drawers up next to him. Jack (to Vaughn): Get me 4 by 4s. Vaughn opens a cabinet to grab a handful of gauze pads. Jack opens the top drawer of the dresser to reveal medical scissors and other sterile supplies. Jack pulls out the scissors and starts cutting Sloane's T-shirt away from the gunshot wound. Sloane is moaning and grimacing. Jack (to Sloane): Just breathe! Just breathe! As Jack moves the shirt aside to reveal the wound, Vaughn hurries over to the other side of the table. Vaughn: Okay. Jack: Keep pressure applied to the wound. Vaughn takes the gauze and places it over the wound and applies pressure with both hands. Jack takes a needle and starts to fill it from a small bottle. Vaughn: What is that? Jack: Morphine. Sloane: No! No morphine! I'll go into anaphylactic shock! Jack: Arvin We have to dig the bullet out. Sloane: If you give me morphine, I'll be dead before you get to the bullet (cough) And don't get any ideas Jack puts down the needle and bottle and grabs a nylon strap that one would use as a rifle strap and starts to bind Sloane arms down to the table. Jack: I have to do this to keep you from thrashing. Sloane (whispering): Okay .okay. Vaughn and Jack bind Sloane to the table in two places. Jack (to Vaughn): Gimme your belt to bite down on. Sloane (groaning): Oh, I don't need a belt Jack (to Vaughn) Do it! Vaughn pulls off his belt and puts it between Sloane's teeth. Jack: I need some light. Vaughn carries a spotlight over and shines it right down onto Sloane's chest. Jack puts the clamp into the wound and starts digging around for the bullet. Cut to Sloane grimacing badly and biting hard on the belt until he finally passes out from the pain. Vaughn: He passed out. Jack: Good. (pulling on clamp, which is presumably now holding the bullet) Almost Jack gives a final tug, and the bloody bullet is removed. He drops it into a metal container with a clang. Cut to Sydney, lying in her cell as she starts to wake. Campbell (off screen): Morning Sydney (not moving yet): Hi Sydney moans and then struggles to sit up. Cut to Campbell. Campbell: Think about the ocean When I don't feel good, that's what I do. My son liked boats He was six Maybe he's still six I think I think he's older now. Sydney (almost in tears): What is your son's name? Campbell (tears crowding in his eyes): His name was Benjamin (nods) Benjamin. Sydney nods and gives him a tiny smile, empathizing with Campbell. Cut back to passed out Sloane on the table in Jack's storage facility. Cut to Jack, clamp still in gloved hand, using a needle to sew up Sloane's wound. Vaughn: I can't believe I'm actually going to ask this, but is he gonna be all right? Cut back to Jack, wearing small oval almost half-moon type spectacles on the end of his nose and continuing to sew. Jack: He'll recover. The bullet nearly pierced his axillary artery. Vaughn studies Jack for a moment and then says: Vaughn: I didn't know you wore glasses ? Jack looks up over the top of his spectacles and gives Vaughn a dry look. Jack: Only during surgery. Vaughn: (beat) Well, I'm gonna go download the blueprints from the digital camera, but we're still gonna need security codes to get into Camp Williams. Jack: Try Marshall. He should be able to log onto the NSC archive from his station at the rotunda. Vaughn: That's gonna be a little tricky with all the NSC agents crawling everywhere. Jack (with a hint of pointed sarcasm): Yes If only Marshall had a well-trained CIA operative to assist him. Vaughn stares at Jack for a long moment and then a hint of a smile blooms on his face. Vaughn: You're starting to like me again. Jack gives him a short, dry look over the top of his glasses, but says nothing. Vaughn gets up and moves to the door. Jack: Vaughn. Vaughn turns around to face him. Jack: With or without those codes We'll be infiltrating Camp Williams in five hours. Cut to Lindsey as a jail gate opens and he walks through it. Lauren walks up behind him from the side and says to his back: Lauren: Here's your draft I think you'll like it. Lindsey opens the file and begins to look it over. Lindsey: If I was tough on you before, I apologize. Lauren: I'm not naïve. I understand that under certain circumstances, unorthodox methods may be required but that doesn't excuse your blackmailing me by threatening to arrest my husband. Lindsey (clearly having not listened to a word Lauren has said, instead reading her report): Yeah Don't mention Vasson his reputation precedes him. And nothing about Campbell or the other prisoners, just stick with Bristow. Yeah, the rest is fine. Deliver this to Miller; he has operational control of the Rotunda while I'm here. We'll want you back in, uh (checks his watch) six hours to report on the results. Lindsey walks off and Lauren gives his back a significant pissed off look. Cut to the NSC officers crawling over the Rotunda, peering over people's shoulders, etc. as Vaughn walks in and heads straight to Marshall's office. Vaughn: Marshall If I needed you access class Marshall turns around. He's wearing huge horn-rimmed glasses with really thick lenses that magnify his eyes. Marshall: Hey, check it out look Telephoto lenses based on an owl's eye. Now, let's say you're out in the field, doing and you need to get in you just press this button and Whoa! (beat) Nice pores You exfoliate? Vaughn shakes his head. Vaughn: Look, if I needed you to access classified documents on the NSC's computer network, could you do it? Marshall: Oh I don't have access. Marshall turns away, cleaning the owl-eye glasses on his shirt. Vaughn (pointedly): I know. Marshall looks over his shoulder at Vaughn. They exchange a significant look and Vaughn nods slightly. Marshall (whispering): Forensic guys are monitoring the network Vaughn: Isn't there any way to bypass that? Marshall: Of course it's me, but Marshall and Vaughn share another look, then Marshall goes to the end of his workbench and unearths an Xbox console. Marshall (excitement showing in his voice): I give you the codes, you're gonna bust her out, aren't ya .kick some NSC booty? Can I just say? Love Marshall grabs a small flatscreen monitor and begins connecting it to the Xbox and then grabs a keyboard down off a shelf. Cut to Sloane, who is now awake on the same table. Jack is administering a pint of blood intravenously. Jack: I've been trying to think of a single reason why you saved my life The only conclusion I've come to is that it would incur some feeling of debt on my part. Sloane: As usual, Jack, you're in danger or outsmarting yourself. The US Government has pardoned me for my crimes. The international community regards me as a humanitarian. But you and Sydney still believe I am pursuing some hidden agenda. Now, whatever you may perceive that agenda to be, clearly it would be easier to attain if you were both dead, given that you're my most vocal detractors, my most capable antagonists. Jack: Or you need us for something something you believe only we can provide. Sloane: Well .Well, you're right about that. No humanitarian endeavor can ever fill the void left by my past crimes like the death of my wife. You and Sydney are my absolution, my penance. You're all I have left. Jack stares at Sloane. Cut to Marshall and Vaughn in Marshall's office. Marshall is busy working on accessing the NSC network via his Xbox. Vaughn (looking over his shoulder): Anything? Marshall: Just about should be Cut to screen as Marshall types Find CampWilliams and gets back a negative reply. His face shows his shock. Vaughn: What? Marshall: Well, the file that would have the access codes has been deleted. Cut to Vaughn's reaction; it's grim. Marshall (in disbelief): All files pertaining to Camp Williams have been removed. The door to Marshall's office opens and they both look back quickly. It's Lauren, looking frantic. Lauren (breathless): Michael Vaughn looks back at her with a Holy Crap, this is Bad look. Marshall is looking very unnerved and isn't sure how to react. Lauren gives a sparing glance at Marshall and then back at Vaughn as if to say to Marshall, :I need to talk to him. Vaughn is still staring at Lauren. Marshall: Actually I'm gonna Uh, take off cause this is definitely something I should not (beat) Pardon me Marshall gets out of his chair and bolts from the room. As Marshall leaves, Lauren says to Vaughn, distressed: Lauren: You were right about Lindsey. I thought I could exercise some degree of control over the interrogation, but he just wanted me to write a report whitewashing the whole thing. Vaughn has slowly walked toward her until he's standing right in front of her. Lauren: I know you're working on something. (beat) I wanna help. Cut to MPs walking down a hallway in Camp Williams. Gates open before them as they pass. Cut to Sydney with a resigned look on her face. She assumes they're coming to get her again. She's shocked when they turn and instead open Campbell's door. Guard #1 (roughly): On your feet, let's go! On your feet! The guards grab him roughly and yank him to his feet. Sydney (worried): Hey The guard elbows Campbell in the stomach and then the other punches him. Sydney: Hey! What are you doing to him!? Lindsey (offscreen): That all depends on you Cut to Lindsey as he walks toward her cell and stands in front of her. Lindsey: Help me out, Syd. One of the guards pulls out a hollow bladed knife and holds it up menacingly. Sydney: Wait! Lindsey: There's no time to wait. Lindsey nods toward the guard and the guard stabs Campbell in the upper leg. He drops to his knees in pain and screams. Sydney: You son of a b****! Leave him alone! He's got nothing to do with this! You leave him alone! Linsday (talking over Sydney): You can stop this by deciphering the code. Sydney: He has nothing to do with this! I will kill you for this! The guards stab Campbell in the stomach. Sydney: Oh my God! Okay, stop..stop I'll tell you what it says. (beat, Lindsey looks at her expectantly) They're coordinates. Lindsey: To what? Sydney: I don't know. For the hundredth time, I don't remember anything about those two years. All I can tell you is what they are. Lindsey: Tell me. Sydney looks over at Campbell, sobbing with pain. Sydney (her eyes on Campbell): North 34 degrees, 09 minutes, 55.9 seconds; (her voice rising with distress) West 118 degrees, 17 minutes, 15.3 seconds! Lindsey looks toward Campbell's cell, and nods. Lindsey: Get a team prepped. The guards drop Campbell's arms and walk away. The camera stays on Campbell, then back to Lindsey who is still looking at him. Lindsey (to Campbell): Well done. Cut back to Campbell and then to Sydney. Campbell straightens and stands, clearly not in any pain at all. Lindsey turns and gives Sydney a significant look. Sydney suddenly realizes she's been duped. Sydney: Oh my God Oh God Campbell comes out of the cell and faces her. Campbell: I'm not Campbell; I'm Shaptner. Your personality profile revealed your one major weakness: empathetic suffering is harder for you to sustain than physical torture. Cut to Sydney, crying. Campbell: So thanks for carin'. Campbell turns and walks away. Lindsey: There's just one procedure left, Agent Bristow. We'll have the neurostimulation prepped in about an hour and we'll finally know what happened to you in the last two years. Focus in on Sydney's face through the bars. She's crying and she lets out one gasping sob. Cut to black. End of Act Four. [SCENE_BREAK] Pan up from a drill-like machine to a man's hand holding a device, to Dr. Vasson's smirking face. Vasson: This is a cranial shunt. After I drill a hole in your skull, I'll use it to drain the water from your brain panel. Cut to Sydney, whose head is being affixed with a metal plate across her forehead. She is trying to maintain her composure in the face of this horror. Cut to Lindsey, leaning against the wall, blank faced, watching. Vasson: Once you're unconscious, we'll remove your skull cap and begin neurostimulation. Cut to a military type transport truck driving down a road at night. Cut to interior of truck back where Jack, Vaughn, Brill and his team are riding. All are dressed in black. Jack: We have an operative inside who will gain access to the security room and initiate a reverse lockdown protocol, thereby containing the bulk of the MPs in their patrol areas. Brill: Once entry is made, we'll proceed to the restricted cellblock where Agent Bristow is being held. (to Jack and Vaughn) Hope your man inside knows what he's doing. Vaughn: She does. Cut to Lauren being let into the security room by an MP. MP: I have Lauren Reed here to see Director Lindsey. MP#2: Wait here. I'll let him know you're on base. MP and MP#2 leave room, leaving Lauren alone with a lone MP across the room, watching security cameras. Lauren sits down on the counter right next to the control box and surreptitiously connects a device to the side of it and activates it. Cut to the exterior entry to Camp Williams, still locked and being guarded by two guards. Brill: I hate to ask the obvious, but what's taking so long? Jack: The override program has to be placed within five inches of the central control station. Once that happens, it'll lockdown the internal doors and open that main gate. Then we move. Cut to the security room where Lauren is still waiting. The back door opens and in walks Shaptner (aka Campbell) now wearing a sharp three piece suit. Shaptner (to MP#3): I'm gonna need a chopper to Fort Lewis. MP#3: Yes, Sir. I'll check with the duty officer. Shaptner approaches Lauren with a knowing smile on his face. Shaptner: Lauren Reed Director Lindsey's told me all about you; says you're gonna write a stellar report for us He shakes Lauren's hand, which she returns reluctantly. Suddenly, the security monitor loses picture. Shaptner turns around to look at the snowy screen as Lauren looks worried. Cut to the exterior of Camp Williams main gate as the access door begins to open. Brill lifts his rifle and aims. Brill: Okay, here we go. Brill fires tranq darts into the two guards at the gate. They drop to the ground and then the team, with face masks on, climbs down the hill and enters Camp Williams. Cut back to the control room. Shaptner (offscreen to MP#3): What is it? MP#3 taps on the computer keyboard; nothing changes. The picture is still just snow. MP#3: Something's overriding the system. Shaptner heads toward the door he came into, but finds it's locked. He turns suddenly and stalks across the room at Lauren. Shaptner: What did you do!? Lauren: Nothing. Shaptner punches Lauren right across the face. She falls into the table she'd just been sitting on and falls to the floor, apparently unconscious. Cut to the team, entering the restricted cellblock. Brill: Secure the perimeter. We can't afford to have any hostiles on this floor. Cut back to Shaptner and the MP#3 in the control room. Shaptner is trying to hotwire the door open. It works, and he enters the hallway. Cut to Vaughn tranqing a guard as Jack runs down the narrow corridor toward the end cell where Sydney was being held. Jack: She's not here! Cut to Lindsey and then pan to Dr. Vasson's hand, holding a facemask. He slowly, almost sickly lovingly starts to place the mask over Sydney's nose and mouth, when the door to the room blasts open. Vaughn takes out the MP in the room, while Jack gets Lindsey right in the chest with his dart. Vaughn gets Dr. Vasson and then bends over and starts undoing the restraint on Sydney's right wrist. Jack starts undoing the restraints on her ankles. Once Sydney's hand is free, she brushes at the clamp that held her head in place, as if eager to get the heck out of there. Jack looks up and then suddenly Jack: Sydney! Cut to Dr. Vasson wobbling to his feet, aiming a gun right at Sydney and about to shoot. Sydney reaches for a scalpel with her freed right hand from the table beside her and whips it at him. It gets him right in the throat and he falls over. Vaughn and Jack pull Sydney up from the table as she's still coughing from the little effect she'd had from the sedative. Jack pulls his mask up so Sydney can see his face. Jack: Sydney Sydney: Dad! Jack helps her to her feet and puts her arm across his shoulder to help her out. Jack: Sydney, you're all right, sweetheart. You're all right. Cut to the team and Sydney running down a cellblock hallway. They turn a corner and suddenly at the end of the hallway appears Shaptner from around the corner, shooting at them (with a real gun as opposed to tranqs, I might add...) Team members take cover and attempt to fire back. Shaptner appears to have the upper hand when suddenly, he is shot from beside him and he collapses to the ground. The camera pans sideways until it rests on Lauren, in shock, the gun she just used dangling loosely from her fingertips as she lowers it. Cut to a heliocopter on the landing pad and pan to the team running toward it for their escape. The pilots door swings open and there is Arvin Sloane waving the team toward him. Sydney looks back at her father in confused shock. Jack: He's with us; get in! Sydney and the rest of the team gets on the chopper as Sloane gives them a hand up. Brill's team leaves in the same convoy truck they came in. The helicopter takes off as the truck drives away. Sydney stares listlessly out the window. Cut to Lauren sitting with Vaughn. Lauren has both her hands on her chest. She appears to be in total shock over just having killed someone. Vaughn looks on worriedly. Cut to Jack, watching Sydney with concern. Sydney: They wanted a code deciphered That's what all this was about; a code. Jack: Well, what was it? Sydney: Coordinates. I gave Lindsey the wrong coordinates; I didn't know what to do. Jack puts his arm around Sydney and pulls her to rest her head on his shoulder. Jack: You made it, Sydney (beat) You made it. Jack turns his head and looking back is Sloane, who appears to be showing true happiness and almost triumphant pride at the reunion of father and daughter. Cut back to Sydney and Jack. Camera pulls in on Sydney's desolate, exhausted face as she closes her eyes wearily. Fade to black. End of Act Five
doc_176	Stanley: This is ridiculous. Phyllis: Do you have any idea what time we'll get out of here? Michael: Nobody likes to work late, least of all me. [to Jim] Do you have plans tonight? Jim: Nope I don't, remember when you told us not to make plans 'cause we're working. Michael: Yes I remember. Mmm, this is B.S. This is B.S. Why are we here? I am going to call corporate. Enough is enough, I'm - God, I'm so mad! [on phone] This is Michael Scott, Scranton, well we don't want to work. No we don't! It's not fair to these people. These people are my friends and I care about them! We're not going to do it! [hangs up] Everybody I just got off the horn with corporate and basically I told them where they could stick their little overtime assignment. Go enjoy your Friday. Dwight: Thank you Michael. Michael: All right, happy Friday. [to Jim] Well I think we dodged a bullet there. Jim: I think you did. Michael: I think we should celebrate. How about you, Pam, mi casa, a little dinner, dancing, drinks? Jim: Oh, I- Michael: You said you didn't have plans. That's what you said. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least 9 times. And every time we've been able to get out of it. But I've got to give him credit, he got me. Because I'm starting to suspect that there was no assignment from corporate. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Michael, what time should I be arriving? Michael: Dwight, it's couples only. And besides, I only have six wine glasses, so it will be me and Jan, and Pam and Jim, and Angela and Andy. Andy: Hey-o! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Does it bother me that I wasn't invited to Michael's dinner party? [breaks down crying] [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Hi. Michael: Hello. Jim: Hi. Jan: How are you? Michael: Come on in. Good to see you. Jan: Chilly huh? So glad we finally got to do this with you guys. You wanna take their coats babe? Michael: Yes I would. So, what have you been doing? Jim: Let's see, since I saw you an hour ago? Michael: Yeah. Jim: I have been getting ready and then driving over here. Michael: Well we have been doing pretty much the same thing. Jim: Really? Michael: Except driving. Pam: We got you this. [gives a bottle of wine] Jan: Oh well Pam, thank you, this will be great to cook with. Michael: Well have a seat, or come on in, or, I don't know, make yourself to home. This is our casa. Pam: It's really nice. Jan: So what do you guys think, should we do the tour first or the appetizers first? Jim: Tour, let's do the tour first. Michael: Okay. Jan: Do you have a preference babe? Upstairs first? Michael: Totally your call babe. Jan: Alright, well, let's go then, I say upstairs. Jim: Oh, you guys doing a little construction? Michael: Oh, just redoing the sliding glass door. Jan: Yeah, so sorry about this God-awful carpet, we're still a work in progress here. Michael: Well, thats... [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: This is my office. Michael: Yep, never been used. Jan: Not super exciting. Michael: No. Jan: And this is my workspace. Michael: This is it, check that out, can you smell that? [the room is filled with candles that say "Serenity by Jan"] Pam: Uh-huh. Michael: As you can smell there's a lot of different odors going on in here. Pam: So you have an office and a workspace? Jan: I do, I cannot create in the same space I conduct business, I'm sure that you're the same with your doodles. [puts a candle to Jim's nose] Smell. Jim: It's fire. Jan: Uh-huh, Bonfire. Michael: Bond. Jan: Men love this one. Michael: James Bond Fire. I am Bond fire, James Bond Fire. Michael Scarn. [clicks tongue] Jan: When I get frustrated, or irritated or... angry, I come up here and I just smell all my candles and it just -poof- goes away. Jim: Just like that. Jan: Just like that. Jan: So this is the master bedroom, and these walls used to like white, like an asylum. So I wanted it to be softer, So I had it painted in eggshell white. Michael: Guess what, white and eggshell white are exactly the same color. Jan: [puts away video camera facing the bed] Babe I thought you said you were going to tidy things up. Michael: Well, I- Jan: Shame on you. Pam: What a cute bench. Michael: Thanks, that's my bed. Jan has some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy. Jim: Really? 'cause... seems pretty narrow... and short. Michael: It's actually a lot bigger than it seems. Look at this. [Lies down] Jan: See, he fits perfectly. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. [reveals a tiny TV] I actually hung this on the wall myself. I want to show you something . A lot of people in the room, need more space? [moves TV back a couple inches] Voila, right in the wall. Jim: Wow. Michael: Sometimes I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it, I love this TV. Oh and I also built this table. Jim: What is that chestnut? Michael: No, I think that is either pine, or nordic cherry. Jan: It's pine. Jim: Michael, I'm just terrible at all this stuff, so that's really cool. Jan: Really? Pam: Yeah, he tried to set up my TIVO for me but then I didn't have audio for a week. Michael: If you ever need any help, I am just a phone call away. Jan: I bet you are. Jim: Well, I saw - oh your Dundies. I'm surprised they're not out on the coffee table for everybody to see. Jan: It was between the neon beer sign and the Dundies so I said "Honey keep the trophies." Michael: Oh honey, I have the best trophy right here, aside from my Dundies. Jan: [doorbell] Oh, excuse us just a second. Michael: I'll get it. Jan: [Andy and Angela enter] So glad you're finally able to be here. Angela: [Michael tries to hug Angela] No, no. Michael: Okay. Andy: Tuna! What's up Tuna, we having tuna for dinner? [to Pam] I bet you're sick of tuna right? You probably have tuna every night. Tuna! [to Jan] These are for you. [hands flowers] Jan: Oh, how thoughtful. Michael: Very nice. Andy: Except for one flower, which is for... my flower. Jan: Aw. Angela: What am I supposed to do with this? Jan: How 'bout we do the short tour and then I'll start dinner? Pam: Oh I can help starting dinner if you need it. Jan: Oh no no no, it's just the osso buco needs to braise for about three hours, everything else is done. Pam: Three hours from now or three hours from earlier like 4:00? Jan: You know Pam, in Spain they often don't start eating until midnight. Michael: When in Rome. Jan: Do you have a preference, upstairs first? Michael: Whatever you say babe. Jan: Follow me. Michael: All right. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: How 'bout a toast. Shall I? Here's to good friends. All: Cheers. Michael: Kinda sorta an oaky afterbirth. Jim: What was that? Jan: So music, should we turn some music? Michael: Yeah that sounds good. Jan: Do you guys remember my old assistant Hunter? He is an excellent songwriter. Hunter's CD: You took me by the hand, Made me a man, That one night, You made everything all right, So raw, so right, All night, all right, Oh yeah, Oh yeah, So raw, so right, All night, all right, Oh yeah. Michael: You know what, Hunter was a terrible assistant, that is why Ryan fired him. Jan: Well I think he's probably just about as reliable as Pam being that it usually takes you an afternoon to get back to me. Angela: Sometimes I think she holds on to faxes. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [To camera] I don't care what they say, I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for... at a dinner party. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [playing charades] No it's a... hump. There's a hump. Jan: Joe Camel! Andy: Okay yes, first name of that animal and the second name is the state where Helena is the capital. Pam: Montana. Jan: Oh! Pam: Joe Montana! Andy: Yes! Yes. Pam: Why didn't you just say 49ers quarterback? Michael: All right, [rhythim clapping] my my my my turn, my my my my turn, my my my my turn. Jan: Babe can you just like really, woah, could you just simmer down? Michae: What, no, I'm just making people laugh. Jan: No. Michael: Yes, I was watching Jim's face. Jan: I was watching Jim. Michael: And he was laughing. Jan: No smiling. Michael: Look at him, he's laughing. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game and it's called 'Let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests' and they're both winning. So I'm going to make a run for it. [holds cellphone] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You'll never guess, I just got a message from my landlord apparently, my apartment flooded, something with a sprinkler. Pam, we should probably get going and see the damage. Pam: Oh okay. Michael: Well you don't need two of you to do that. Jim: That's true. Um... dinner sounded delicious. Pam I'll see you at home, thank you so much. Pam: Oh Jim, I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by itself. Jim: I don't know because I everything I own is there. Pam: You can buy new stuff but you can't buy a new party. Michael: That's true, that's a great point. Come on down here. Sit down on that couch and be amongst friends and we are not going to think about all your stuff being destroyed, all right. Andy: Michael, you're up. Michael: All right here we go, this is going to be fun, ready. All right first name is Tom- Jan: No no no, no names, no names, no rhyming, no soundalikes. Michael: All right, Okay, okay, you're getting inside my head. First name is blank and he goes on a cruise, he goes on a Caribbean CRUISE. Angela: I don't know. Jim: Katie Holmes. Michael: No, Baah! But he's married to her! Jim: Oh, Dawson's Creek. Michael: No! It has to be a real person Jim, come on. Okay, no no, I'm gonna pass, I'm gonna pass. Okay, rhymes with Parnold Schporzenegger. Jan: No rhyming! Jim: Not really a rhyme. Angela: Another clue, another clue. Michael: Okay, he is the governor of California, he is the Terminator. Angela: Those aren't helpful. Jim: Tom Cruise! Michael: No! Andy: Time! Michael: God, does anybody read the paper?! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Michael offers his coat to Pam, who is shivering] Oh, thank you. Michael: You're welcome. Jan: [eyes Pam] I'm so, so sorry for the temperature in here. The um, sliding glass door shattered. It's actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it babe or should I tell it? Michael: I don't like that story babe. Jan: Come on, it's a cute story, Michael ran through the sliding glass doors because he thought he heard the ice cream truck! Michael: Stop, stop it! I mean, I like ice cream. Okay? Sue me. Oh, no, don't. I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue, loves lawsuits. You know honey, that door was extremely clean and it looked invisible. Jan: You are so right, you're so right because before I lived here, the glass was always covered in smudges, and then I moved in and I cleaned it so I guess that makes me the Devil. Michael: Ha ha, you are! She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell! Aaahhh I'm burning, help me! Angela: You shouldn't joke about that. Pam: Is there more wine in the kitchen? Jan: I will get it, I will get it, what kind of hostess would I be if I didn't get. It's okay, I don't mind. In fact you know what, girl's trip, Angela come on. Girl's trip. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [checking the oven] Uh, not even close. Angela: So you keep a very tidy house. Jan: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath, whew. But I don't have to tell you Pam. Pam: No, yeah. What? Jan: Oh well don't tell me that he's really changed since you guys dated. Pam: Oh, are you joking? Jan: Well, Michael told me a little bit about it, but I see the way you look at him. Pam: I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever. Angela: I've noticed how you look at him at the office. Jan: Mmhmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in the garage] So I spend most of my time right here. Have a hand [the chairs are shaped like hands]. So Jim I noticed you checking out Jan's candles. Jim: Oh no she just put it in front of my face. Michael: Yeah, did you know that candles are the number one fastest-growing product in the scent aroma market? $2 billion dollar a year industry. And for only $10,000, you could become a co-owner of "Serenity by Jan" What do you think about that? Andy: Thought about it, I'm in. Jim: I'm sorry, are you really trying to get us to invest in Jan's company? Michael: I'm sorry. [doorbell rings] What now? [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Coming! [Dwight and a woman are at the door holding wine glasses and a cooler] Dwight: Hello. Jan: What are you doing here? Dwight: We came here to eat dinner and to party, this is a dinner party right? Pam: [whispering] Awesome. Jan: What is he doing here? Angela: Yes, What are you doing here? Michael: Dwight is my friend. Woman: We weren't invited? Michael: You said that I could not invite Dwight because he was not part of a couple, and because we didn't have enough wine glasses. Dwight brought glasses and a person. Jan: Fine, whatever you want, just like always, whatever you want. Michael: Whatever I want? It's never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp, and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see? Jan: We saw Wicked. Michael: When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said, you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure, Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you defintely didn't want to have kids, who had it reversed back? Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap! I did. You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought this condo to fill with children. Jan: I am so sorry that I don't want to bring kids into this screwed-up world, okay? But look if you want to have kids, then fine you win. Let's have a [bleep]ing kid. Michael: Do you mean it? You want to have a kid? [Jan walks away] Jan: I hate my life. Dwight: So can we come in? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hmmm... Mmm... great turkey leg. Jan: [crying] I'm just gonna check on dinner. [Jan gets up from the table] Dwight: Angela, would you like some of my beet salad? Angela: I hate beet salad. Woman: It's actually really good. Dwight: Hey hey hey hey. [to Angela] I know you love beet salad. I've seen you eat it many times. Angela: The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit. Michael: [leans across to Pam whispering] Pam... I hope she didn't do anything to the food. Pam: [whispers] Like... like what? Michael: I can't prove it but I think she might be trying to poison me. [Jan serves the food] Hey, looks great babe. Andy: Yeah it does. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I know Jan didn't poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table wouldn't it be me? Michael's former lover? [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [Michael dips his steak into his wine] Can you not do that? It's disgusting. Michael: You know I have soft teeth, how can you say that? Jan: Oops. Michael: Excuse me for a second. [gets up from the table] Jim: [to babysitter] So... how do you guys know each other? Woman: I was his babysitter. Pam: And now you guys are dating? Dwight: Purely carnal and that's all you need to know. Jim: Would you write down your e-mail because I have just so many questions... Woman: E-mail? Jim: Nevermind. Michael: Ok... alright... here we go. [takes down huge painting behind his seat and puts up a neon beer sign] There. [plugs it in] Oooookay. Jim: That's nice. Michael: Everybody enjoying their meal? Jan: Hey babe? Michael: Yeah? Jan: How about we take the beer sign down until our guests leave and then we can discuss it. Michael: No. No. I'm gonna leave it up. I think it ties the whole room together. Jan: Ok. [gets up and goes over to the stereo and turns on Hunter's CD really loud] Michael: [to the guests] Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don't think he's that good. Jan: At least he's an artist. Michael: BFD. I'm a screenwriter. Jan: [shouting] AND I'M A CANDLEMAKER BUT YOU DON'T HEAR ME BRAGGING ABOUT IT! Michael: NO ALL YOU DO IS YOU GET ME TO TRY TO WORK ON MY RICH FRIENDS! Jan: FOR AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY! Michael: MAN! I WOULD LOVE TO BURN YOUR CANDLES! Jan: YOU BURN IT. YOU BUY IT! Michael: OH GOOD. I'LL BE YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER! Jan: AND YOU'RE HARDLY MY FIRST! Michael: [yells] THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! [Jan gets an evil look on her face and picks up Michael's dundie and throws it into his plasma screen tv] THAT IS A 200 DOLLAR PLASMA SCREEN TV YOU JUST KILLED! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe! [Jan goes upstairs crying.] Woman: I'm gonna get going. Dwight: Fine. Get outta here. Jim: It's getting late. Michael: You know what guys, she'll be out of the bathroom soon. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Jim and Pam head out the door and there are policemen at the door] Of course Dwight: Get out of my way, I'll take care of this. OK.[to police] Uhhh what seems to be the problem officers? Officer 1: Not now Dwight, We got a call about a disturbance? Michael: Nope. Nope. Nothing disturbing here. Just a couple of friends having an awesome dinner party. Officer 2: The neighbors said they heard some shouting. Michael: Oh... yes. There was some screaming but... um... my girlfriend... threw a dundie at my TV. Plasma. Officer 1: You wanna press charges? Michael: Would she get into trouble? Officer: Yes. She'd be charged. Michael: I will take the fall. I did it. Officer 2: You know you don't have to press charges, you could just try to be more quiet. Jan: [running out the door)] Michael! [pleading] Michael. What are you doing to him? Officer 1: Sir, do you have any other place you can stay? Maybe with one of your friends here? Dwight: [puts his hand on the Officer's shoulder] Michael can come home with me. Michael: Jim? Pam? Jim: Oh... my apartment's on fire Pam: [whispers] Flooded. Jim: Flooded. Dwight: You people. [to Michael] Come on. You're sleeping with me. Michael: No. Dwight: I'm gonna take you home Michael. Michael: Nope. Dwight: Alright. [leads Michael away] Jan: Bye Babe! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Pam and Jim are sitting in Jim's car in front of Detroit Coney Island Chili Dogs] This is the best burger I've ever had, babe. Jim: You know, babe, I should have told you but... I did something bad. Pam: Hmm? Jim: [holds up Hunter's CD] I stole this. [Pam laughs] For you babe. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Hunter's voice starts singing, Pam joins in] One night... [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to Michael holding his head out of Dwight's car] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to Andy and Angela in Andy's car eating Ice cream. Andy tries to steal a bite of Angela's. She rolls down the window and smashes it against his car] [SCENE_BREAK] [Jan is watching Michael's cracked plasma screen TV and tries to fix his Dundie.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Michael and Dwight slow at a red light and see the woman at the bus stop, she waves to Dwight, who passes her by.]
doc_177	: The university cafeteria. Raj: Okay in Avatar when they have s*x in Pandora they hook up their ponytails, so we know their ponytails are like their junk. Howard: Yeah, so? Raj: So, when they ride horses and fly on the birds, they also use their ponytails. Howard: What's your point? Raj: My point is, if I were a horse or a bird, I'd be very nervous around James Cameron. Sheldon: It amazes me how you constantly obsess over fictional details when there are more important things in the real world to worry about. For example, why wasn't William Shatner in the new Star Trek movie? Leonard: Hey, Sheldon, I was up in the administration office, and I happened to overhear the name of the winner of this year's Chancellor's Award for Science. Sheldon: And you want to rub my nose in the fact that my contributions are being overlooked again? I am the William Shatner of theoretical physics. All right, I'll play. What self-important, preening fraud are they honouring this year? Leonard: Oh, I'm so glad you asked it like that. You. Sheldon: I won? Leonard: You won. Sheldon: I won! This is astonishing. Not that I won the award, no one deserves it more. Actually, I guess I misspoke. It's not astonishing, more like inevitable. I'm not sure what to do first. Maybe I should call my mother. Wait! I know, I'm going to conduct an interview with myself and post it online. Raj: Well, good for him. Howard: Yeah, the one thing the William Shatner of theoretical physics needed was an ego boost. Credits sequence Scene: The apartment. The guys are watching Avatar in 3D. All are wearing 3D glasses except Raj. Howard: Didn't it look like that spear was going to go right through your skull? Raj: No. Leonard: Hey, you didn't want a Slurpee at 7-Eleven, you don't get glasses. Sheldon (phone rings): Oh, that will be another congratulatory call for me. Uh, mute, please. Howard: Uh, hang on, flaming arrow. Sheldon: Hello? Oh, Chancellor Morton, how are you, sir? Yes, I was expecting your call (aside) three years ago. I see. Wait. What happens if I choose not to give a speech? Uh-huh. And if I don't want to forfeit the award? Well, you've got that tied up in a neat little bow. All right. Thank you. (Hangs up) Problem. Leonard: What? Sheldon: They expect me to give a speech at the banquet. I can't give a speech. Howard: Well, no, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up. Raj: Yeah, before the movie, you did 20 minutes on why guacamole turns brown. It turned brown while you were talking. Sheldon: I am perfectly comfortable speaking to small groups. I cannot speak to large crowds. Leonard: What, to you, is a large crowd? Sheldon: Any group big enough to trample me to death. General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children. Penny: Sheldon, congratulations. Brought you cheesecake from work. You know, 'cause of your award, not because a busboy sneezed on it. Sheldon: I'm not accepting the award. Penny: Why not? Howard: Turns out the great Sheldon Cooper has stage fright. Penny: That's no reason to back out. You know, I once got a pretty big honour in high school, and I was terrified about appearing in front of a big crowd, but I went through with it, and you know what? The world looked pretty darn good sitting on a haystack in the back of a Ford F-150 as a member of the Corn Queen's court. Sheldon: Thank you. Yeah, I'll bear that in mind if I'm ever nominated for the Hillbilly Peace Prize. Leonard: Sheldon, you're being ridiculous. Sheldon: Am I? Let me tell you a story. Howard: Where's 70 children when you need 'em? Sheldon: I was 14 and graduating summa cum laude from college. Summa cum laude is Latin for with highest honours. Penny: I just love how you always skip over the part where no one asks. Sheldon: I was valedictorian and expected to give an address. Even now, I can remember that moment when I walked up to the podium and looked out at the crowd. There must have been thousands of people. My heart started pounding in my chest. I began to hyperventilate. My vision became blurry, and before I knew it... oh, dear. (He faints.) Penny: Oh, my God. Leonard: Sheldon? Sheldon, are you okay? Sheldon: Don't trample me. Scene: The stairwell. Sheldon is on the phone. Sheldon: Come on, Mother, you know why I can't accept the award. With all due respect, I don't think praying will help. No, I have not heard the song, Jesus, Take the Wheel. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't need to start singing it. Yes, I'll buy it on the iTunes, Mother. Good-bye, Mother. (Enters apartment. The others are sitting as if waiting for him.) Hello. Leonard: Sit down, we want to talk to you. Sheldon: Am I in trouble? Did my mother call you? Penny: Just sit. Leonard: We think we can help you with your stage fright. Sheldon: Oh, I doubt that. I haven't figured out a way, and I'm much smarter than all of you. Penny: Yes, but you're not smarter than all of us put together. Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, that is what I meant. Penny: Okay, your problem is, you're trying to do this all by yourself. Leonard: We can help you. We can be your team. Like, uh, Professor Xavier and his X-Men. Sheldon: I do like the X-Men. Penny: Did I see X-Men? Leonard: Yeah, we watched it last week. You said you liked it. Penny: Oh. I say a lot of things, sweetie. So, how about it, Sheldon? Sheldon: I don't know. If you're my X-Men, what are your powers? Penny: Okay. Well, I am going to take you shopping, get you a nice suit. Might give you more confidence. Sheldon: That's not exactly a mutation that would get you into Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, but go on. Leonard? Leonard: I thought I could try to analyze you and get to the root of your anxiety. Sheldon: What qualifies you to attempt to understand my mind? Leonard: My mother is a highly regarded psychiatrist, and I've been in therapy ever since she accused me of breast-feeding co-dependently. Howard: Raj says he can teach you, what did you call it? I don't know, some Indian meditation crap. Sheldon: I see. Well, I assume, since the rest of you have set the bar so low, you're saving the most impressive contribution for last. Go ahead, Howard. Dazzle me. Howard: My power is the ability to pretend like I give a damn about your piddly-ass problems. And that's 24-7, buddy. Sheldon: And I appreciate the pretence. Penny: So, what do you say, Sheldon? Are we your X-Men? Sheldon: No. The X-Men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-Men. Howard: Oh, that's not a good name. Scene: The apartment. Raj is lighting candles. Indian music is playing. Raj: Okay, Sheldon. I'm going to be leading you through a series of meditation exercises. These methods come from the ancient gurus of India and have helped me overcome my own fears. Sheldon: And yet, you can't speak to women. Raj: True, but thanks to meditation, I am able to stay in the same room with them without urinating. Now, close your eyes. Sheldon: Okay, but don't punch me. Raj: What? Sheldon: When I was little, my sister would say to me, close your eyes, you'll get a surprise, and then she'd punch me. Raj: I'm not going to punch you. Sheldon: That's what my sister used to say. Raj: Do you want to do this or not? Sheldon: I'm sorry. Proceed. Raj: All right. Imagine yourself in the one place you feel most at home. Where is that? Sheldon: Sim City. More specifically, the Sim City I designed, Sheldonopolis. Raj: Okay, you're in Sheldonopolis. Sheldon: Where exactly? Sheldon Square? Sheldon Towers? Sheldon Stadium, home of the Fighting Sheldons? Raj: Whatever you like. Sheldon: I thought this was supposed to be a guided meditation. Raj: Fine. You're in Sheldon Square. Sheldon: Really? This time of year? It's a bit nippy. Raj: Then, put on a sweater. Sheldon: Suppose I could run downtown and pick up something at Shel-Mart. Raj: Yeah, whatever. Just go buy a sweater. Sheldon: You know, the nice thing about Shel-Mart is I own it, so I get a 15% discount. Raj: You own the damn thing. Just take a freaking sweater! Sheldon: Look, I didn't turn a profit last quarter by taking product off the shelves willy-nilly. Raj: All right. You've paid for a sweater, and you're in Sheldon Square. Sheldon: Hang on. It's a cardigan. I have to button it. Oh, no. Raj: What now? Sheldon: A Godzilla-like monster is approaching the city. I have to get my people to safety. People of Sheldonopolis, this is your mayor. Follow me. If the children can't run, leave them behind. Oh, the simulated horror! (Sound of door slamming) Raj? Just as I suspected. Meditation is nothing but hokum. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: A clothing store. Sheldon: I question your premise. How is a new suit going to prevent me from passing out in front of a ballroom full of people? Penny: It'll give you confidence. You know, sometimes when I'm feeling all stressed out about something, I go out and buy a cute top or a fun skirt and I have a whole new outlook on life. Sheldon: Don't you eventually realize you're just the same stressed out person in a cute top or a fun skirt? Penny: Yeah, that's when I buy shoes. Now, let's see what we've got. Ooh! This is nice. Sheldon: It's only one colour. Penny: Yeah, so? Sheldon: That's a lot of money for only one colour. Penny: Fine. Why don't you pick out what you like. Sheldon: Hmm. (Cut to Sheldon exiting changing room in a loud check suit). This is pretty sharp. Penny: No, you're wrong. Sheldon (now in a sparkly green suit with rhinestones): This is great. I had a suit like this when I was six. (Cut to Sheldon exiting in a white dinner suit with tails) Okay, I think we have a winner. Penny: Where the hell d'you find that? Sheldon: In the prom department. Penny: It's ridiculous. Sheldon: Says the former member of the Corn Queen's Court. Penny: Please just try this one on. Sheldon: Okay. But anything I put on now is only going to suffer in comparison. (Goes into changing room. Comes out in black suit looking terrific.) This is absurd. I look like a clown. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: So, Sheldon, how you doing? Sheldon: That's how you start a psychotherapy session? How am I doing? I was promised a riverboat journey into the jungles of my subconscious. Instead, I get the same question I hear from the lady who slices my bologna at Ralph's. Leonard: I'm sorry, I'll start again. Sheldon: Would it be helpful to you if I told you about my dreams? Leonard: Um, I don't know, maybe. Sheldon: I recently had a dream that I was a giant. But everything around me was to scale, so it all looked normal. Leonard: How did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale? Sheldon: I was wearing size a million pants. Leonard: Why don't we just talk? Sheldon: Ah, the talking cure. Classical Freudian, good choice. If it will help speed things along, uh, my answers to the standard Rorschach ink blot test are A, a bat, B, a bat, C, a bat, and D, my father killing my mother with a hypodermic needle. Leonard: Why don't I just start? Sometimes people have trouble accepting accolades if, on a subconscious level, they don't feel they deserve them. Do you think maybe that's what's happening here? Sheldon: Really, Leonard? You're just going to try to recycle Adler's doctrine of the inferiority complex? I could probably get that from the woman at Ralph's. And she'd let me taste some pieces of cheese for free. Leonard: But it could be part of your problem. Let me give you an example. When I was eight, I won a ribbon at the science fair for my project, "Do Lima Beans Grow Better to Classical Music." But my mother pointed out that it was just a rehash of my brother's earlier "Do Lima Beans Grow Worse to Rock 'n' Roll." I felt so guilty, I gave the ribbon back. Sheldon: And how did that make you feel? Leonard: Terrible. I worked really hard on that project. I stayed up all night singing the clown's aria from Pagliacci to a lima bean sprout. Sheldon: Go on. Leonard: It wasn't my fault. I had never seen my brother's project. And my mother could've told me before instead of at the ceremony in front of everyone. Sheldon: So, I hear you saying you're angry with your mother. Leonard: Damn right, I'm angry with my mother. For God's sake, I was eight years old. She humiliated me. That's when the bed-wetting started again. Sheldon: Thank you, Leonard. Leonard: For what? Sheldon: If someone as damaged as you can find his way to crawl out of bed each morning, I think I can face a simple award ceremony. Leonard: Wait, that's it? I thought we had a whole hour! Scene: The award ceremony. Leonard: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, and it is my very great honour to introduce the winner of this year's Chancellor's award for Science and my good friend, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. But before I do, I'd like to share with you a letter from Sheldon's mother, who couldn't be here tonight. Isn't that nice? His mother sent him a letter. She's proud of him. I wonder what that feels like. Dear Shelly. That's what she calls him. Shelly, it's a pet name. You know what my mother's pet name for me is? Leonard. But I digress. Dear Shelly. I am so proud of... (continues as background noise) Sheldon: Oh, dear. Penny: What's the matter? Sheldon: I'm getting dizzy. Raj: Don't worry. You're surrounded by your C-Men. Sheldon: I can't do this. I'm going to faint. Penny: Here, drink this. It'll relax you. Sheldon: Alcohol? I don't drink alcohol. Penny: Fine, faint. Sheldon: I don't feel different, this alcohol's defective. Penny: Here, see if this one works. Leonard (still talking): First of all, the projects were totally different. I was showing that classical music nurtures lima beans and makes them grow, but my mother didn't hear me. If you'd like to look at the relationship between nurturing and growth, I'd like to point out that my brother is eight inches taller than me. Sheldon: I'm ready. Leonard: Oh, right. Ladies and gentlemen, our guest of honour, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Sheldon: Thanks, shorty,I'll take it from here. All right, you people ready to have some fun? You have a basic understanding of differential calculus and at least one year of algebraic topology? Well, then here come the jokes. Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side, bazinga! All right, a neutron walks into a bar and asks, how much for a drink? The bartender says, for you, no charge. Hello? I know you're out there. I can hear you metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide. Looks like we have some academic dignitaries in the audience. Dr. Randall from the geology department, only man who's happy when they take his work for granite. Ba-da cha! I kid the geologists, of course, but it's only 'cause I have no respect for the field. Let's get serious for a moment. Why are we all here? 'Cause we're scientists. And what do scientists study? The universe. And what's the universe made of? I am so glad you asked. (Singing) There's antimony, arsenic, aluminium, selenium, and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium, and nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium... Everybody! And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium, europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium... Just the Asians! And lanthanum and osmium, and astatine and radium... Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Penny, Leonard. Would you be able to answer some questions I'm having about the events of last night? Penny: Sure. Sheldon: Question one, where are my pants? Leonard: You might want to check YouTube. Sheldon: What do I search? Leonard: It's already loaded. Just hit play. On-screen Sheldon: All right, people, let's get down to the math. It is only three dimensional thinking that limits our imagination. Can I take my pants off over my head? Of course not. My body's in the way. But if we had access to higher dimensions, we could move our pants around our bodies through the fourth dimension and our days of dropping trousers would be over. Sheldon: Oh, Lord, this couldn't be any more humiliating. Leonard: Uh-uh, give it a minute. On-screen Sheldon: Now, for the astronomers in the audience, get ready to see the dark side of the moon. And here's Uranus.
doc_178	OPENING CREDITS FLYOVER CARDIFF. Shot pauses and zooms in on an area of the city. CUT TO EXT. STREET - NIGHT Heavy rain pours down, it is dark. Floodlights come on and a body can clearly be seen lying in the street, SOCO (Scene of crime officer) and police officers are milling around the scene. [SCENE_BREAK] Two police officer's standing in the rain, a male and a woman. The male is holding a cup of coffee. GWEN : Oh, hot. Gwen takes the coffee. PC : Gwen, there's not enough. You didn't order. Gwen walks away towards another police officer. PC (off camera) : What do I do now ? GWEN (calls back) : Well I've only just arrived so tough. Who is it ? PC ANDY : I dunno, some bloke. You going to stop over on Friday ? GWEN : I dunno, what is it ? Drinks ? PC ANDY : A bit of pizza I think. GWEN : Might do, yeah. Police Officers move SOCO, "SOCO leaving scene" can be heard from the police radio. PC ANDY : Ay ay, what's happening here then. POLICE OFFICERS : On you go. Come on now. PC ANDY : Move back if you could, thank you. He starts moving people back, moves away from Gwen who is left to watch on her own. GWEN : Hey what's going on ? Gwen speaks in general to anyone then walks up to SOCO. GWEN : Excuse me sir, what is it, what's happening ? SOCO : Buggered if I'd know, it's orders from above. GWEN : But the body is still there though, isn't it though. You can't just leave it. SOCO : Move back they said. Clear the site. Special access they said. GWEN : For who ? SOCO : Torchwood. A black SUV pulls into the site. Four people get out, Jack, Suzie, Owen and Toshiko. They walk past the police and stand by the body, rain still pounding down. GWEN : Who's Torchwood ? SOCO : Special op's or something. He glances at Gwen's coffee. SOCO : That hot ? GWEN : Huh ? Oh yeah, have it. But they're not allowed in there, they could contaminate the evidence and all sorts. I mean how can they... SOCO : Don't ask me. There's no procedure anymore. It's a fcking disgrace. The SOCO walks away with Gwen's coffee. Gwen stares after him and then looks at the Torchwood team. Jack turns in her direction but does not appear to be looking at her. Gwen tries to see what they are doing. She looks up and sees a multi story car park. INT. FLIGHTS OF CONCRETE STAIRS Gwen runs up the stairs and into the car park a few floors up. She goes to the edge of the car park floor and leans over the balcony, and starts to watch and listen to them. Gwen overlooking body and Torchwood team. EXT. ALLEY NEXT TO THE BODY Torchwood around the murder victim. JACK : There you go, I can taste it, oestrogen. Definitely oestrogen. (He looks up slightly, dripping with rain). You take the pill flush it away, it enters the water cycle. Feminises the fish. Suzie pulls a gauntlet from a crate and puts it on. JACK : Goes all the way up into the sky and then falls all the way back down onto me. Contraceptives in the rain. Love this planet. Still least I won't get pregnant. Never doing that again. Jack looks at Suzie. JACK : How's it going ? SUZIE : Nothing yet, its got to connect. I just gotta feel it. OWEN : Then hurry up and feel it. Freezing my arse off here. SUZIE : I can't just flip a switch ! It's more like access, it, it grants me access. OWEN : Whatever that means. SUZIE : It's like, oh, oh, oh, oh. The glove starts to glow, working. JACK : Positions... OWEN : If I get punched again, I'm punching him right back. JACK : Just concentrate. Suzie... Jack nods at her and then Suzie places her hand under the corpse's head. The rain stops around them and the lights get brighter. The corpse breathes out. Gwen looks down, she is shocked. BODY : There was, I was, I was, I was... oh my god what's goin' on ? TOSHIKO : Listen to me, we've only got 2 minutes so it's important that you listen, ok... BODY : Who are you ? TOSHIKO : Trust me. You're dead. BODY : How am I dead ? OWEN : You were stabbed. BODY : I'm not dead, I can see you. TOSHIKO : We've brought you back, but we haven't got long. I'm sorry but you've got to concentrate. Who did this to you ? What did you see ? BODY : But why am I dead ? TOSHIKO : Who attacked you ? BODY : I don't want to be dead ! SUZIE : 60 seconds. TOSHIKO : You've got to think, just focus on me. What was the last thing you saw ? Jack sighs, clearly frustrated. BODY : I didn't see anything. I dunno. TOSHIKO : Who killed you ? Did you see them ? BODY : I dunno. There was something behind me. OWEN : Police said one stab wound in the back. TOSHIKO : So you didn't see anything. BODY : No. There is a long pause, each Torchwood member looks at the body. BODY : What happens now ? SUZIE : 30 seconds. TOSHIKO : But he didn't see anything. SUZIE : Don't waste it. TOSHIKO : What else do I say ? JACK (crouching down) : What's your name ? BODY : John. John Tucker. JACK : Ok John. Not long now. BODY : Who are you ? JACK : Captain Jack Harkness. Tell me what was it like when ya died ? What did ya see ? (Pause) John, tell me what you saw. SUZIE : 10 seconds. BODY : Nothing... I saw nothing... Oh my god there's nothing. John stops breathing, his head falls back into Suzie's hands, dead once more and the rain resumes falling heavily. Gwen stares at them from above. SUZIE : sh1t ! OWEN : I said it was stupid telling him he was dead. TOSHIKO : Well you try it. OWEN : Trust me. Like that's gonna work. JACK : Told the last corpse he was injured and he wasted the whole two minutes screaming for an ambulance. Maybe there's no right way of doing it. Jack looks up, straight at Gwen and calls out. JACK : What do you think ? [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen standing at the car park wall looking over. Gwen leans back shocked when Jack sees her. She runs across the car back and back onto the street. She bends down breathing shallow, shocked and confused. [SCENE_BREAK] ARIEL VIEW OF CARDIFF INT. GWEN'S FLAT - LATER THAT NIGHT Gwen enters pauses in the entrance and then goes upstairs and walks towards the sofa. Rhys, her boyfriend, is sitting watching TV. GWEN : Still up ? RHYS : In 'ere. They said on the news murder in the city centre. Were you there ? GWEN : No. I dunno, nothing to do with me... How come you're still up though ? Gwen sits next to Rhys and kisses him on the forehead. Clearly they are an established couple. RHYS : Oh, Banana Boat came round. He was saying he's got plans. He's off again next summer. GWEN : How come you're not pissed then ? RHYS : Ooo, well we 'ad a cup o' tea. He's read this thing about diabetes. Me and him 'avin tea, that's middle age that is. There's some Chinese in the fridge. GWEN : No I'm not hungry. You coming to bed ? RHYS : Just finish here. This man's found his sister. GWEN : I'll see you in a minute. Gwen walks away. [SCENE_BREAK] GWEN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Gwen lying awake in bed unable to sleep. ARIEL CARDIFF - DAY INT. POLICE OFFICE - CARDIFF - DAY Gwen enters and sees a colleague walking down the stairs carrying files. GWEN : Yvonne, can you do me a favour ? Can you a search for me ? YVONNE : Join the queue. GWEN : It's a Captain Jack Harkness, can you check him out ? Gwen passes Yvonne and starts to walk up the stairs. YVONNE : I'm busy. See's there's proper channels, Gwen. What sort of Captain ? GWEN : Dunno, just a Captain. YVONNE : If I get time. GWEN (calls down stairs) : Thanks. INT. POLICE MURDER INVESTIGATION ROOM - CARDIFF Police officers are looking at crime scene photos pined to a wall and discussing the facts of the case. Gwen enters carrying a tray of tea and coffee. OFFICER : Sarah Palaster, 72. Murdered in her front room. Rani Ghosh, 45. Murdered in Robin Tree Alley and now John Tucker, 19, murdered in Sangavalith Lane. There's absolutely nothing linking these three victims. Apart from the way they died. As far as we can tell, all with the same weapon. A blade, approximately 8 inches long, 3 inches deep. YOUNG COP : The two women were stabbed from the front but John Tucker was stabbed from behind. What does that tell us about the killer ? OFFICER : That he's a coward. EXT. A STREET - DAY Gwen and Andy exit police car and walk towards a pub. GWEN : But those people last night. The people in the car. Who were they ? What's Torchwood ? PC ANDY : I dunno, special ops. GWEN : Yeah but what does that mean ? PC ANDY : Bet you ten quid they're DNA specialists. It's all DNA these days. Like that CSI bollocks. CSI Cardiff, I'd like to see that. They'd be measuring the velocity of a kebab. Gwen and Andy enter the pub. A bar brawl is in progress. Gwen and Andy enter and try to separate the combatants. ANDY : Thank you very much. Thank you... Gwen is pushed aside and knocked over, she bangs her head on a pillar and appears to be in pain. INT. HOSPITAL - CARDIFF - DOCTORS ROOM - LATER THAT DAY A doctor is treating Gwen's head injury. Gwen walks out of the doctors room holding her head, she sees a man running up the stairs, she believes him to be Jack. She follows him up the stairs, running. Upon reaching the top of the stairs Gwen finds a plastic-sealed doorway and Jack has disappeared. She hears a door bang open below her and looks over the stairs to see a porter. GWEN : 'Scuse me. Sorry. It's all sealed off up there. Who did that ? Gwen indicates the sealed door. PORTER : I thought it was you lot. GWEN : But what's it for ? What's happened. PORTER : I dunno. 9 o'clock this morning it was all sealed off, they never said. Chemicals or something. The porter walks off, Gwen enters through a gap in the plastic of the sealed off door. GWEN : Hello ! Gwen walks forward and sees a figure at the end of the corridor. GWEN : Sorry I'm just looking for someone... Gwen cautiously approaches, talking to the figure. GWEN (to self) : Yeah, right, clever... A weevil remains motionless except to tilt it's head at her. GWEN : Anyway I dunno if you saw a man come through here. A tall man, in one of those big sort of military coats. Ok. If you could answer, this is official business. Gwen notices the man appears to be wearing a mask. GWEN : You alright ? That's good. That's a good mask sort of thing... Look I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something, but we can stop this now, ok ? It's all very well playing silly buggers but I'm busy, alright. Now I'm looking for a man in a big grey coat. I said we can stop being silly. The weevil opens its mouth and hisses. The porter enters the corridor and walks towards Gwen. PORTER : Ah, there you are. I did ask but I saw Doctor Mahieb cos I thought it was him said about the police, but he said no and then I said about the chemicals and he said don't be so stupid, "what chemicals ?" So I dunno, could be anything. The porter walks towards Gwen and notices the Weevil. PORTER : Who've you got with you there then ? So much for sealing it off. Oh, ha, there's a face, nice one, oh tell ya mate you should try plastic surgery. Not on the NHS mind. The Porter glances from the weevil to Gwen. PORTER : You alright ? GWEN : Yeah. PORTER : Bloody hell that is brilliant. That's like, erm, Hellraiser ! That's first class that is ! The porter stands close to the weevil and indicates the teeth. PORTER : Look at that ! It's just like real teeth. The weevil grabs the caretaker's head and bites into his neck, blood spurts from his pierced jugular. Enter Jack, Owen and Suzie. Jack grabs Gwen and runs down the corridor with her. JACK : Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go ! INTERCUT WITH : Shots of Owen and Suzie subduing the weevil and putting a black plastic bag over it's head. Jack stops at the end of the corridor. Gwen continues running out of the corridor and down the stairs. She stops running in the hospital entrance hall. Gwen goes into the hospital car park sees the Torchwood SUV. The SUV leaves the car park at speed, honking the horn to move her from their path. Gwen begins to run after it and then gets into a police car and pursues. PC Andy, eating, sees her drives past. ANDY : Oi ! EXT. OVERVIEW - CONTINUOUS The police car follows the Torchwood SUV along the motorway. GWEN (VO) : Registration, Charlie Foxtrot 06. INT. POLICE CAR Gwen driving and speaks into the police radio. GWEN : Foxtrot Delta Uniform. OFFICER (over radio) : Charlie, Foxtrot 06, Foxtrot Delta Uniform. Erm, hold on I think Yvonne wants a word. INTERCUT WITH INT. POLICE STATION CONTROL ROOM - CONCURENT Yvonne stands in front of a bank of screens showing CCTV footage and speaks into the radio. YVONNE (over radio) : No sign of a Captain Jack Harkness. GWEN : Did you search outside Cardiff ? YVONNE : No that never even occurred to me. Course I did ! I went nationwide. There are about 15 Jack's and John's with that surname, none of them a captain. GWEN : S'pose he could've made it up. YVONNE : The only Captain Jack Harkness on record was American. GWEN : That's it, he's American. YVONNE : Which you forgot to tell me. GWEN : So who is he ? YVONNE : American volunteer, Royal Air Force 133 squadron. 'Cept he disappeared. Vanished off the records, presumed dead. GWEN : When was that ? YVONNE : 1941 at the height of blitz. The morning of January the 21st 1941, Captain Jack Harkness failed to report for duty. Never seen again until now. What's going on Gwen, you seeing ghosts ? EXT. IN FRONT OF MILLENNIUM CENTRE - DAY Gwen following the SUV in police car. The SUV pauses, Jack, Suzie, Owen and Tosh exit the vehicle and the SUV departs. Gwen parks in the middle of the square and exits the vehicle and shouts after Torchwood. GWEN : You lot. Oi Torchwood ! The Torchwood team ignores her and continues walking. Gwen starts to follow and is approached by a security guard. SECURITY : Oi ! You can't leave that there ! GWEN : Police ! SECURITY : I can see that love and you're still not leaving it there. Gwen looks over at the Millennium Fountain and notices the Torchwood team have vanished. Gwen walks towards the fountain. SECURITY : I'm talking to you ! Excuse me ! Move your bloody car ! Gwen wanders around the fountain trying to see how they could have disappeared. INT. POLICE CAR - A SHORT TIME LATER Gwen is speaking into her radio. GWEN : Did you get anything on that registration ? OFFICER (over radio) : No such number. GWEN : What does that mean ? OFFICER (over radio) : It doesn't exist, double checked for Swansea, triple checked. There's nothing, no such vehicle. But Temple's been asking 'bout you Gwen. You in trouble ? PC Andy enters Gwen's vehicle. PC ANDY : I have walked ! I have bloody walked ! They share a glance, Gwen appearing apologetic. EXT. MILLENNIUM FOUNTAIN - SHORT TIME LATER Gwen stands next to the Millennium Fountain. GWEN : They were here and then they were gone, and look there's nowhere to hide, they just disappeared ! Andy stands near, arms folded. PC ANDY : Temple's not just livid he's doing his nut. GWEN : There was a man I'm telling you. There was this porter, he was in a porter's uniform and he was killed,or at least he was injured, he must have been injured ! Right in front of me ! This man in a mask sort of lashed out and... ANDY : I've told you, all hospital staff present and correct. GWEN : I saw it. PC ANDY : That's sick. Gwen, sweetheart think about it, what sort of story is that ? You're not well, come with me I'll take you home. GWEN : They were here... PC ANDY : Come on. Andy puts his arm around Gwen's shoulder and guides her to the car. [SCENE_BREAK] CCTV footage of Gwen and Andy returning to the car. SHOTS OF CARDIFF INT. GWEN'S FLAT - LATER SAME DAY Gwen enters the living room / kitchen and sees Rhys cooking. RHYS : Look at me, cooking. Hot pot ! Or as ze French call it, 'ot pot. Gwen smiles fondly and kisses Rhys. GWEN : I should've phoned. I've gotta work. RHYS : You should be off sick. GWEN : I know. But they were short and there's a match on tonight. I said I'd take another shift, I'm sorry. Forgive me, go on, forgive me, say you forgive me. RHYS (smiles) : Yeah... Gwen kisses Rhys. GWEN : I gotta go. ARIEL CARDIFF EXT. MILLENNIUM FOUNTAIN - NIGHT Gwen is walking round the millennium square fountain, trying to see how Torchwood could have got away earlier. She notices a pizza delivery bike drive past. [SCENE_BREAK] CCTV footage of Gwen, on hub computer screen. INT. JUBILEE PIZZA - SAME NIGHT Gwen enters the pizza shop. A young lad works behind the counter. GWEN : Scuse me, Gwen Copper, CID. I'm making some enquiries 'round the bay. I need to check some people out on your list if that's ok. I don't supposed you deliver to a Captain Jack Harkness. PIZZA LAD : Ah, I dunno. GWEN : Well could you 'av a look ? The man behind the counter checks the computer. PIZZA LAD : No. He's not a regular anyway. GWEN : J. Harkness or just Harkness. The pizza boy checks the computer again. PIZZA LAD : No. GWEN : Ok, never mind. Thanks anyway. Gwen starts to leave Jubilee Pizza then turns back to the counter GWEN : I don't suppose you've got a Torchwood ? PIZZA LAD : Oh aye ! We do them all the time. They're good customers. EXT. CARDIFF BAY - NIGHT Gwen walks along the bay carrying pizza boxes. INT. TOURIST INFORMATION OFFICE - LATER THE SAME NIGHT Gwen enters the reception area and looks around. A man enters through a beaded curtain behind the desk and smiles at Gwen. GWEN : Oh hiya. Sorry I'm late. Someone ordered pizza. IANTO : Who's it for ? GWEN : I think it's a Mr Harkness. Gwen flinches as the door she entered through closes behind her. Ianto presses a button behind the desk and a part of the wall opens to reveal a passageway. Gwen looks surprised. IANTO : Don't keep 'em waitin'. Gwen goes to the doorway and glances back at Ianto. He inclines his head in encouragement. Gwen walks cautiously down an ill lit brick passageway. A door opens at one end of the corridor, Gwen walks towards it and enters a lift. She goes down several storeys. She exit's the lift and goes through a large cog shaped door ahead of her. Camera pans right, around the Hub. The cog door and some bars slide shut behind Gwen. She glances at them and then notices a cylindrical container in which a hand is held in pale blue bubbling liquid. The Torchwood members working at their stations. [SCENE_BREAK] Someone welding, the mask is removed to reveal Suzie. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack on the balcony walk down the stairs and into his office. Gwen walks towards Jack's office door past Toshiko and Owen who are on the computers. Gwen approaches slowly and they start laughing, Owen turns round on his chair to face Gwen. OWEN : I can't do this, I'm sorry. I'm rubbish. I give up. TOSHIKO (pointing) : He set me off. SUZIE : Well that lasted nought point two seconds. OWEN : Mmm, she's actually carrying pizza. JACK : Come on ! She was gonna say here's your pizza and I was gonna say how much ? And she says oh, whatever, 20 quid and I say ooo... I don't have any money. I was working on a punch line, I'd have got there, but it would have been good. GWEN : There's your pizza, I think I better go. JACK : I think we've gone past that stage. SUZIE : You must have been freezing out there, how long you walking round ? Three hours ? GWEN : You could see me ? SUZIE : Mhmm. JACK : And before we go any further. Who the hell orders pizza under the name of Torchwood ? OWEN : Err, yeah, that would be me. Sorry I'm a twat. GWEN : That man at the hospital ? That porter ? What happened to him ? That was real wasn't it, he was attacked ? JACK : He's dead. GWEN : But there's no one gone missing. TOSHIKO : I took the body, retrospectively changed the work rota. Planted a false witness who saw him leaving the hospital, giving him an alibi for the next 48 hours so that when his body is pulled out of the docks next Tuesday night, he's only been missing for three days. GWEN : He was murdered. TOSHIKO : Yeah. GWEN : And you covered it up. TOSHIKO (shrugs) : It's my job. GWEN : And that other man, John Tucker. Last night in the alleyway, I saw you... JACK : And what did you see ? GWEN : You revived him. JACK : No. What did you see ? GWEN : You resuscitated him. JACK : No. What did you see ? GWEN : You brought him back to life. JACK : Yeah. GWEN : Who are you ? JACK : Torchwood. GWEN : What's Torchwood ? JACK : This is Torchwood, all around you. Jack indicates the Hub. GWEN : And what happens to me ? JACK : Ohh... GWEN : I'm police. Constable Gwen Cooper. You can't do anything. JACK : Alright PC Cooper. Do you want to come see ? GWEN : See what ? JACK : You saw the murder. Come and see the murderer. Jack walks away, expecting Gwen to follow. Gwen pauses and Suzie notices her expression. SUZIE : Go with him. Gwen puts the pizza down on a sofa and follows Jack. GWEN : What is Torchwood ? Who are you ? What is this place ? Something screeches above Gwen and she ducks. GWEN : What was that ? TOSHIKO (bored) : Pterodactyl. JACK (off screen) : Are you coming ? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TORCHWOOD CELLS Jack opens the cell block door and enters followed by Gwen. The line of cells are dark, the paint on the wall flaking off. The cells have one clear wall, facing the corridor, with air holes. They walk to the end of a line of cells and Jack switches on the light to the end cell. Gwen looks in and jumps when she sees the Weevil inside. JACK : It's alright. It's safe. It's sedated. It's called a weevil, or at least we call them weevils. We don't know their real name because they're not too good at communicating. But we got a couple of hundred of them in city. Living in the sewers, feeding off the... well it's the sewers you can guess. But every once in a while one of them goes rogue, comes to the surface, attacks. Actually it's been happening more and more and we have no idea why. But it's alien. Look into its eyes. Jack gets a stool for Gwen and helps her sit. He remains standing behind her. JACK : There you go. Take your time. It was born on a different world and it's real. Gwen stares into the weevil's eyes. INT. TORCHWOOD HUB CENTRAL - SOMETIME LATER Jack and Gwen stand in the centre surrounded by the rest of the team at their stations. Jack makes introductions. JACK : Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper. OWEN : Dr. Owen Harper, thank you. JACK : Toshiko Sato, computer genius. Suzie Costello she's second in command, and this is Ianto Jones. He cleans up after us and gets us everywhere on time. IANTO : I try my best... JACK : And he looks good in a suit. IANTO : Careful. That's harassment sir. GWEN : But why are you telling me their names, I'm not supposed to know am I ? This is classified isn't it ? JACK : Way beyond classified... GWEN : Then you shouldn't be telling me. What're you going to do to me ? JACK : What do you imagine ? GWEN : Well I've seen too much. Your names and everything and the weevil... you can dump a man in the water a lie about his death... JACK : Ok, Tosh finish that calibration tomorrow morning. Owen first thing get hold of Chandler and Belle because I think they're lying. Ianto, if he needs back up then you better be on stand by. Suzie, I know it's a pain in the ass but I need the costing on the glove research... And as for you, you're coming with me. This way. Jack looks at Gwen and then walks way, again expecting Gwen to follow. GWEN : I'm getting tired of following you. JACK : No you're not and you never will... He turns to look at her then steps onto a stone platform. JACK : Stand on here, come on, with me. Jack holds out his hand to Gwen, helps her step onto the platform and then puts his arm around her. TOSHIKO (off screen) : Goodnight ! OWEN (off screen) : Later ! JACK : Now, you came in through the front door, lets take the scenic route. Jack presses a button on his wrist cuff and the ceiling 4 stories up opens. The platform starts to move upwards. Gwen grabs Jack's arm to steady herself. Suzie looks up at them as the platform rises. EXT. IN FRONT OF MILLENNIUM FOUNTAIN - CONTINUOUS Jack and Gwen stand on the platform, which now appears to be a normal paving slab. They are apparently in clear view of the passing pedestrians. GWEN : But... but they can see the lift. Why aren't they, I mean, we are right out in the open they can see everything. JACK : Do they look like they can see us ? GWEN : No but look at us, we couldn't be anymore public. Jack shouts at a passer by. The man does not notice them. JACK : Hello ! Hey you there ! Hello ! It's called a perception filter, he can sort of see us but we don't quite register. Just like something in the corner of your eye. It only works on this exact spot. Step off... Jack moves from the platform and waves at a passing lady who stares at him. JACK : Hi ! Nice night. Ooh, and low we are perceived. GWEN : How does it work ? JACK : No idea. We know how to use it, not how it happens. But if I were to guess I would say it was once a dimensionally transcendental chameleon circuit placed right on this spot which welded it's perception properties to a spacio-temporal rift. Now that sounds kinda ridiculous. Invisible lift has got more of a ring to it don't you think ? GWEN : But hold on, if no one can see it when the lifts coming up, there's a bloody big hole in the floor, don't people fall in ? JACK : That is so Welsh. GWEN : What is ? JACK : I show you something fantastic, you find fault. Jack walks away followed by Gwen. ARIEL VIEW CARDIFF INT. A BAR Gwen and Jack are sitting at the bar. Gwen drinks deeply from her pint glass. GWEN : The thing is I just don't understand. JACK : No I'll tell you what I don't understand. You're going to rattle on with this "how can this be true ?" kinda shtick. What's it going to take for you people. If you want evidence of aliens, how about that great big space ship hovering over London on Christmas day ? What about the battle of Canary Wharf, a Cyberman in every home ? GWEN : My boyfriend says it's like some kind of terrorism. Like they put in drugs in the water supply, psychotropic drugs causing mass hallucinations and stuff. JACK : Yeah, well your boyfriend's stupid. GWEN : Oh you've met him ? Jack laughs and sips his water. GWEN : So you catch aliens ? JACK : Yep. GWEN : You catch aliens for a living. JACK : Yes we do. GWEN : You're an alien catcher. JACK : Yes I am. GWEN : Caught any good aliens ? JACK : Tones of them. GWEN : That's a hell of a job. JACK (laughs) : Sure is. GWEN : This is so weird. And who are you then ? JACK : Captain Jack Harkness. GWEN : I did some research and there's only one Captain Jack Harkness on record and he disappeared in 1941. JACK : Well that couldn't be me... could it ? We don't just catch aliens; we scavenge the stuff they leave behind, find ways of using it, arming the human race for the future. The 21st century is when it all changes and you gotta be ready. GWEN : But who's in charge of you, is it the government or what ? JACK : We're separate from the government, outside the police, beyond the United Nations cuz if one power got hold of this stuff, they could use it for their own purposes. GWEN : But so could you. JACK : All alien technology stays on the base no one's allowed to take anything outside. INT. TOSH'S KITCHEN - CONCURRENT Toshiko enters and takes an alien device from her handbag. INT. OWEN'S BATHROOM - CONCURRENT Owen getting ready to go out, he removes a bottle from his bathroom cabinet. INT. SUZIE'S HOME - CONCURRENT Suzie removes the metal glove from her bag. INT. BAR - CONSECUTIVE Gwen and Jack sitting in the bar drinking. GWEN : So go on then, how the hell did you end up in Cardiff ? JACK : This is Torchwood 3. Torchwood 1 was London, destroyed in the battle. Torchwood 2 is an office in Glasgow, very strange man. Torchwood 3, Cardiff, Torchwood 4 has kinda gone missing but we'll find it one day. GWEN : So you just fancied Cardiff ? JACK : There's a rift in space and time running right through the city. The weevils didn't come on a spaceship, they kinda just, slipped through. All sorts of things get washed up here, creatures, time shifts, space junk, debris. Flotsam and jetsam. GWEN : Sounds like Cardiff... JACK : Hey, hey, hey, don't knock it I'm a citizen. GWEN : But where are you from ? JACK (shrugs) : All sorts of places. GWEN : The thing is we could liaise on this, this serial killer. I could be like your liaison with the police. JACK : Right I can see the mistake : you think that because we turned up at the scene of crime we're out to catch the killer. GWEN : Uhhuh... JACK : Sorry, nothing to do with us. GWEN : Then what were you doing there ? JACK : Testing the glove, we need murder victims, simple as that. The glove only works on the recently deceased. The more violent the trauma the stronger the resurrection. All we needed was fresh meat. GWEN : No you were asking that man John Tucker, I saw you. You were asking him about his killer... JACK : He'd just been murdered. What else are you gonna ask ? GWEN : You could get an ID, you could help. JACK (shrugs) : We're busy. GWEN : And your work is more important ? JACK : Now you got it. GWEN : Well that's tough sh1t cos if you let me go then I have a duty, I can tell them what you've got because that glove could help us. JACK : If you remember. GWEN : What do you mean ? JACK : How's your drink ? GWEN : Have you poisoned me ? JACK : Don't be so dramatic. It's an amnesia pill, my own recipe, with a touch of denial and a dash of Retcon. Wake up tomorrow morning and you'll have forgotten everything about Torchwood, worst still you'll have forgotten me. Which is kinda tragic. Gwen appears shaken. She gets up leaves the bar. Jack follows her onto the street and calls after her. JACK : Don't think you can fight it by staying awake, I mixed in a little sedative to. GWEN : Then I'll tell someone... JACK : Do you really wanna do that ? Do you really want us to come and find them too ? GWEN : You bstrd ! JACK : Language ! Nice knowing you Gwen Cooper. Jack winks at her and walks away. Gwen watches his go then runs away. EXT. A CAR PARK ENTRANCE / EXIT RAMP Gwen runs up the ramp away from the car park. EXT. A STREET Jack walks slowly up the street, hands in his pockets. INT. GWEN'S STUDY - LATER Gwen feverishly begins typing everything she has learnt about Captain Jack Harkness, Torchwood and the glove onto her computer in an attempt to conserve the knowledge. INT. A BAR - SAME EVENING Owen stands at the bar, he looks over and sees a girl further down the bar. He moves to talk to her. OWEN : Hello. LINDA : Alright. OWEN : You having a good time ? LINDA : I was. OWEN : Can I buy you a drink ? LINDA : No thanks I'm fine. OWEN : Am I wasting my time ? LINDA : I dunno, are you ? OWEN : Look I've gotta be up early, I've got a hell of a day tomorrow and I really can't be bothered with all the chat. Owen sprays his face with liquid from the bottle he took earlier. OWEN : So do you want a drink or what ? The girl's attitude markedly changes. suddenly finding Owen irresistible she kisses him passionately. LINDA : Bloody hellfire ! You're coming home with me you are. Right now. The girl pulls Owen's lapels and drags him from the bar. INT. GWEN'S STUDY - LATER THE SAME NIGHT Gwen continues typing details about Torchwood onto her computer. INT. TOSHIKO'S HOUSE - CONCURRENT Toshiko is scanning the spine of a book (A Tale of Two Cities) from her bookcase. She then moves to the computer and places the alien scanner alongside. The contents of the books appear on the computer screen - the pages flipping. INT. GWEN'S STUDY Gwen continues typing. INT. SUZIE'S HOUSE - CONCURRENT Suzie uses the glove to resurrect a fly which has died on the window sill and it flies away. INT. GWEN'S STUDY Gwen types "Read this !" She is struggling to stay awake. EXT. A STREET NEAR TO THE BAR - CONCURRENT Owen and Linda are walking from the bar. Her boyfriend sees them and jogs over. COLIN : Oi you bstrd, come 'ere. Linda what do you think you are doing with him ? What the fck do you think you're doing with him ? LINDA : I'm taking him home and I'm having him, now piss off. COLIN : What the fck do you think you're doing with my girlfriend you bstrd. OWEN : Hey, I didn't know. She was on her own, she never said. COLIN : You tosser, you fcking tosser. LINDA : Colin, button it. He's mine. COLIN : Do you wanna have a go do you ? Wanna have a go ? Well come on then mate. OWEN : Well if it makes it easier... Owen sprays his face with the alien liquid again. The boyfriend's expression changes and he kisses Owen. COLIN : I'm so having you. LINDA : I'm having him first. OWEN : Taxi ! INT. GWEN'S STUDY Gwen begins to fall asleep, her typing flawed and her vision blurring. INT. TORCHWOOD HUB Ianto hacks into Gwen's computer. "Gwen Cooper - Home Intercept" is written on his screen. INT. GWEN'S STUDY - CONCURRENT Gwen's document is highlighted, deleted from the screen and the computer powers down. Gwen, confused, tries to type on the powerless keyboard, then falls asleep over the computer. EXT. WIDE ANGLE VIEW OF ALTOLUSSO APARTMENT BUILDING - CONCURRENT Shot closes in. Jack is standing on a narrow structure jutting horizontally from the roof of the building. 360 degree shot widening to view of Cardiff. INT. GWEN'S STUDY - NEXT MORNING Gwen is slumped over her computer. Rhys enters with a cup of tea. Rhys kisses Gwen's hair and she wakes, still groggy. RHYS : Did you get pissed ? GWEN : No. What time is it ? RHYS : 7:30. You said you were working last night. GWEN : I was. RHYS : Then how come you fell asleep in here ? GWEN : I haven't... I was, typing. That is work... RHYS : Not having a go, just saying. It's not exactly clever going out on a lash when you've just had a bang on the head. Hope you didn't drive in that state... who were you with ? Diane ? GWEN : Must have been yeah. INT. POLICE STATION ENTRANCE - LATER THAT MORNING Gwen enters, followed by Yvonne. YVONNE : Had any luck ? GWEN : With what ? YVONNE : Captain Jack Harkness. GWEN : How'd ya mean ? Who's he ? YVONNE : Oh don't worry about me. Go ahead, wasting my time ! Gwen walks up the stairs looking confused by the conversation. She walks upstairs and down a corridor, she walks past another police man. OFFICER : Hi GWEN : Hi. Gwen enters an office where plain clothes police are working at desks. DI JACOBS : Aye aye, come to see where the real work's done. GWEN : Yes sir. That's right sir, how's it going ? DI JACOBS : Sod all. Gwen sees a diagram of a knife. GWEN : Is that the murder weapon ? The officer nods and stands to join her looking at the picture. DI JACOBS : Clever mind. They worked it all out on the computer. Took measurements from the stab wounds; calculated the shape of the blade and stuff, even those prongs. I dunno how they do it. Nasty lookin'beast though. Do you recognise it ? GWEN (shakes her head) : No. DI JACOBS : We're trying to trace it. Can't be that many of them. Sort of, ornamental. We're checking the CV logs with customs in case it's been imported. Find the knife we might find the killer, well if it rings any bells give us a shout. GWEN : Yeah, thanks. Gwen leaves the office and walks through the police station. INTERCUT WITH : images of the drawing of the knife as she walks. EXT. A ROOF CAR PARK - LATER Gwen and PC Andy stand. PC Andy is telling an anecdote, Gwen is not listening, she is thinking about the knife. INT. GWEN'S FLAT - LATER THAT DAY Rhys is preparing dinner, Gwen sits at the table. Gwen is not really listening to Rhys; again thinking of the knife. She appears to be remembering seeing it before. Rhys talks while handing out dinner. INT. GWEN'S BEDROOM - THAT NIGHT Gwen lies in bed thinking about the knife. The alarm clock reads 2.01. She gets out of bed and goes to her study. She draws a picture of the knife on a piece of paper. She finishes it, looks at it, screws it up and throws it in the bin. She leans back in her chair. She sees the knife again. A magazine of events at the Millennium Centre on her desk attracts her attention. She has written 'remember' on the cover. EXT. IN FRONT OF MILLENNIUM CENTRE - NIGHT Gwen is walking outside the millennium centre, she sees a figure near the fountain, the figure appears as Suzie and Gwen remembers the knife. She then remembers a welding mask, and Suzie removing the mask. Gwen does not yet remember clearly. SUZIE : Hello again. You were right, you told Jack we should liaise with the police I was the only one who bothered, so, I was the only who saw the report. Suzie pulls the knife out of her bag. SUZIE : You got a good likeness. GWEN : I'm arresting you for... How do I know you ? SUZIE : I thought you might've seen it and that can trick the amnesia, just one specific image if you're clever. He said you were good. Anyway it's not much good now, I can't really... She gestures with the knife. SUZIE : You're going to put up a fight so I've got... She searches her handbag. SUZIE : Erm hold on... sorry. She pulls out a gunand drops her bag. SUZIE : There that's better. She points the gun at Gwen and cocks it. Gwen looks terrified. GWEN : Put it down... SUZIE : You had to come back... GWEN : Put don't the gun. SUZIE : You're the only one who can make the link...well the only one in public. Torchwood's gonna find out by morning, but I'll be gone. I don't know where, far away... What am I going to do ? I loved this job, I really loved it. And now I've got run. Oh, Christ ! How can you do any other job after this ? GWEN : Please put down the gun. SUZIE : It gets inside you, you do this job for long enough and you end up thinking... how come we get all the, the weevils and bollocks and sh1t. Is that what alien life is ? Filth ? Then maybe there's better stuff out there, brilliant stuff, beautiful stuff. Just... But they don't come here. This planet's so dirty, that's all we get, the sh1t. GWEN : I don't know what you're talking about. SUZIE : I wish I could forget. GWEN : Why did you kill those people ? SUZIE : For the glove. Suzie steps forward. GWEN : Just stay where you are. SUZIE : I needed the bodies, that's how it works, violent death. It was so easy. To bring them back I just positioned myself behind the head so they never see me twice. GWEN : You killed 3 people. SUZIE : It was the only way. The more I use the glove, the more I control it... GWEN : I don't understand what glove ? Where have I seen you before ? SUZIE : If I can get enough practise, then think what the glove could do. If I could get it to work all the time, on anything, beyond two minutes, if I could get it to work permanently, it could resurrect. Resurrection on demand for the whole world, isn't that good ? Jack rises up on the invisible lift between them. SUZIE : Isn't it though ? Well that's what I've been working for. All day, all night, the rest of them go swanning about while I'm working. You gotta get inside this stuff. Surrender yourself to it, I did with the knife and the glove, and that's why the perception filter isn't going to work on me... Suzie turns and shoots Jack in the forehead, he collapses. Gwen is shocked, he seems to have appeared from nowhere. GWEN : What... who is he ? Where did he come from ? What have you done... Suzie points the gun at Gwen and cocks it. GWEN : Please don't... SUZIE : I can't let you go. She steps over Jack's body and towards Gwen. GWEN : Please... SUZIE : I've got to... Gwen begins to sob in fear, hands clutching her hair. SUZIE : I'm sorry, I've got, I've got to... I've got to... Jack stands up behind Suzie. A bullet wound in this forehead heals as Gwen watches. JACK : Put down the gun. Suzie turns to look at Jack. JACK : Suzie, it's over, now come with me... Jack offers her his hand to Suzie. Gwen looks on disbelieving. Suzie turns to look at Gwen and then puts the gun under her chin and pulls the trigger, she collapses, instantly dead. GWEN : I... remember. I remember. Gwen falls to the floor. INT. JACK'S OFFICE THE HUB - LATER THAT NIGHT Ianto puts the glove and the knife into a secure box tagged "not for use" and puts the box in Jack's safe. Owen and Toshiko put the alien devices they had taken onto Jack's desk. INT. TORCHWOOD MORGUE Jack zips up Suzie's body bag, puts it into one of the many freezer units and walks away. EXT. ROOF OF MILLENNIUM CENTRE - DAWN Jack and Gwen are standing on the roof talking. GWEN : Owen and Toshiko, you didn't tell them that you were shot in the head and survived. JACK : You didn't tell them either. Followed my lead. Keep doing that and you might just get through this. GWEN : But she killed you... JACK : I can't die. GWEN : Ok... JACK : But I can't... Something happened to me a while back, long story and far away. But I was killed, and then I was brought back to life and ever since then, I can't die. GWEN : But how ? JACK : I dunno. One day I'll find a doctor, the right sort of doctor and maybe he can explain it, but until then... GWEN : Nothing kills you ? JACK : Well, kinda freaks people out, so, best if you don't say anything. GWEN : It doesn't matter anyway, you'll only wipe my memory again. JACK : Why would I do that ? Torchwood's got a vacancy. Job going spare, do you want it ? GWEN : But... what do you need me for ? JACK : Because maybe you were right, we could do more to help. What do you think ? Wanna join up ? GWEN : ...Yeah. Gwen turns to look at the city. Jack smiles. GWEN : I do yes. CLOSING ARIEL VIEW OF MILLENNIUM CENTRE The pterodactyl flies over the centre.
doc_179	THE REIGN OF TERROR by DENNIS SPOONER first broadcast - 5th September, 1964 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. CHURCH CRYPT (IAN looks around and moves inside. A figure appears from the shadows behind him; IAN turns.) IAN: Leon? LEON: Yes. You must be Ian. IAN: That's right. LEON: Are you alone? IAN: Yes. Jules said you might be able to help. (IAN hear sounds behind him, and turns to find two SOLDIERS behind him. They are both aiming muskets at his chest.) IAN: Soldiers! (He turns back to face LEON. The Frenchman has drawn a pair of ornate pistols, and also points them at IAN.) LEON: Yes, I know. You walked right into my trap, didn't you, Ian? [SCENE_BREAK] 2. PARIS SQUARE (The episode credits are shown over a representation of a square in Paris. Sounds of cheering crowds are heard as the guillotine falls and claims yet another victim.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. CHURCH CRYPT LEON: You can put all ideas of escape out of your head. And as for your rescue - well no-one will come here, you can take my word for that. IAN: If I don't go back, Jules is going to get suspicious. LEON: By the time that happens, my friend, we shall have left. And afterwards we'll take care of him. (LEON clicks his fingers, and the SOLDIERS grab him and drag him against a pillar with iron rings set into it. They secure his wrists with heavy chains, which they attach to the rings. IAN struggles as they do so.) IAN: You never know who your friends are! LEON: My association with Jules was bound to come to an end. He already suspected that... a traitor, if you want to use those words, was working in the organisation. But it's no matter. We're ready now to close in on him too. IAN: So what do you want with me? LEON: Information. (IAN scoffs.) LEON: You will cooperate, Ian. Think about it. We have plenty of time. (He stares at IAN for a moment, then turns and exits, leaving the two SOLDIERS to guard the prisoner. One talks to IAN.) SOLDIER: He's giving you time to consider. IAN: I don't need time, I have no information. SOLDIER: We'll decide that when you talk. And you'll talk, you'll talk! (He flashes IAN an evil smile.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. LEMAITRE'S OFFICE (BARBARA and the DOCTOR have just been reunited.) BARBARA: Oh, Doctor, I thought we were never going to see you again! DOCTOR: You should know by now, young lady, that you can't get rid of the old Doctor as easily as that. (They both chuckle.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. CORRIDOR (Just outside the office, LEMAITRE is listening through the door to every word of the conversation.) BARBARA: (OOV.) Tell me, how did you get out of that burning farmhouse? DOCTOR: (OOV.) Oh, never mind about that now. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. LEMAITRE'S OFFICE DOCTOR: What happened? Where's Susan? How is she? BARBARA: She's here. We were arrested together. DOCTOR: She's here? BARBARA: Yes. DOCTOR: Is she well? BARBARA: Yes, she's fine. She had a slight fever, but she's recovered now. DOCTOR: Good. Well now, we must find Chesterton and try and get back to the ship. BARBARA: Oh, I know where he is! DOCTOR: Mm? BARBARA: I know where he is. DOCTOR: Oh yes? BARBARA: We were all in hiding at a house owned by a Jules Renan... [SCENE_BREAK] 7. CORRIDOR (LEMAITRE still listens intently. He notices the JAILER waddling down the corridor towards him, and turns to face him. He speaks to the JAILER in a hushed voice.) LEMAITRE: Not now, Jailer! JAILER: But Citizen... LEMAITRE: Later! JAILER: But... LEMAITRE: I said, not now! JAILER: I've just had a message from the First Deputy, Citizen! (LEMAITRE moves away from the door.) LEMAITRE: Well, what is it? JAILER: Robespierre says 'e wants to see you immediately. It's a matter of the utmost importance. Robespierre said immediately, Citizen. LEMAITRE: Yes, yes. (He turns to leave, exasperated.) LEMAITRE: Has the young girl been locked away? JAILER: She has. I saw to it myself, just as you ordered, Citizen. LEMAITRE: Good. She shall remain in her cell, do you understand? Under no circumstances is the door to be opened. JAILER: Just as you say, Citizen. LEMAITRE: And if that order is disobeyed... I'll have you guillotined. (He exits, leaving a very worried looking JAILER behind him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. LEMAITRE'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR has just had a brain wave.) DOCTOR: Yes, that's it! That's it! (BARBARA is not listening.) BARBARA: Oh, I should never have taken Susan to see that physician. DOCTOR: Oh, don't blame yourself, Barbara. As it happens, everything has turned out very well. Might have taken us ages to find each other. BARBARA: Do you think we stand a chance of getting out of here? DOCTOR: Well, my voice seems to carry some weight, hm? BARBARA: Yes, well I'm not surprised in that get-up. (The DOCTOR preens himself.) DOCTOR: Yes, it's rather impressive, isn't it? Now, listen. I'm going through that door. Give me a few minutes, then I want you to go through the door and straight out of the prison. BARBARA: Are you serious? DOCTOR: Absolutely serious, but I've no time to explain. Just do as you're asked. BARBARA: What about Susan? DOCTOR: Well, I'll look after her and follow you later. BARBARA: But Doctor, you... DOCTOR: Now now now, there's no buts, don't argue. You know my plans always work perfectly. Hm? (BARBARA decides against making the obvious comment.) DOCTOR: In a few minutes, then. (He leaves, closing the door firmly behind him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. JAILER'S ALCOVE (The DOCTOR enters to see the JAILER sitting at his desk.) DOCTOR: Ah, tell me. Is Lemaitre here? JAILER: He's, uh, left to see Citizen Robespierre. DOCTOR: Oh dear dear dear, how irritating, and I did want him so urgently. JAILER: Well, I'm sure he'll be back shortly, Citizen. DOCTOR: No no no, this matter can't wait, it's urgent! I've just been interrogating that young woman, and I'm convinced she's a member of that dangerous Traitor's Party. JAILER: Oh, I see, I see. DOCTOR: And do you know, she could tell us the names of every traitor in this country! (The JAILER believes every word.) JAILER: Perhaps we should make her talk? DOCTOR: No, no chance of that. No, she'd rather die first than betray her friends. No, I think, if there's only some way of using her... if only we could get, through her, to her friends... (He waits expectantly for the JAILER to have a brain wave.) JAILER: Perhaps... DOCTOR: Mm? JAILER: Perhaps... DOCTOR: Perhaps what? JAILER: Well, if she were to escape, she could be followed. She'd meet these traitors, then we'd arrest them. Lemaitre once did this. DOCTOR: My dear, what an excellent idea! What an excellent idea! Yes, of course, now why didn't I think of that? Yes, that's what we'll do, and Lemaitre will be delighted! Now look here, Mr Jailer, I want you to open those prison doors, keep out of sight. JAILER: Oh, but er... DOCTOR: Tch, tch, tch, no buts, no! And sooner or later, that young woman will come through those doors and we can grab her! Go along, quickly! (He sends the JAILER off to the prison doors, then disappears down to the cells, a satisfied grin on his face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. RENAN'S SITTING ROOM (JULES enters and looks around frantically.) JULES: Ian, Barbara, Susan? Ian? Ian? (He calls upstairs and looks around.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. CHURCH CRYPT (IAN rattles his wrist chains. The SOLDIER standing by him laughs.) SOLDIER: Getting impatient, are we? That's a good sign. Citizen Colbert really knows how to make pigs like you talk. He leaves 'em alone, makes them think. Now me, I have other ways. (He raises the butt of his musket, ready to hit IAN in the face, but is interrupted by a call from the entrance to the crypt.) LEON: Stop that!... I'm sorry - I'm afraid my men are very bad-tempered. Ian, I don't want anything to happen to you really, but I think you have the information that will help the cause I believe in. IAN: You're wasting your time with me. I'm very small fry. LEON: Surely you don't expect me to believe that? Well, we learned of the existence of James Stirling two months ago. We've been searching for him ever since. IAN: We? LEON: Yes. I've been loyal to the Revolution from the beginning. If you'd known what France was like six years ago, before the Bastille, you'd understand. IAN: I do understand, but I can't help you. LEON: Or you won't! France will never be anything until we're rid of these high-born leeches who've been sucking the life-blood of France for so long. IAN: You must believe me, I can help you in no way... LEON: Ian! You can save yourself a lot of trouble and suffering by talking. This is your only chance! Do you realise that when I've finished with you I'll transfer you to the prison, and then the guillotine? Now if you were to talk, I have the power to set you free! IAN: Jules must have told you all I know. LEON: Ah yes, what did Jules say? That Webster gave you a message to give to Stirling. IAN: Yes, that's right. Only I can't recognise Stirling - that's why I'm here. LEON: Oh, that I accept. But you must have known of their organisation. You were in it with Webster! He would never have trusted you otherwise. Now. Who sent you from England? How did you get here, and who helped you? IAN: (Sighs.) What's the use? LEON: I really don't understand what you hope to gain! If I don't get the information from you, I shall find it elsewhere! Now be sensible. Save yourself from the guillotine. IAN: You wouldn't believe my story anyway. LEON: Suppose you let me be the judge of that. How did you get to France? IAN: You really want to know, eh? LEON: The truth? IAN: Oh yes, it's the truth all right. LEON: You swear it? IAN: Yes, I swear it! I flew here with three friends in a small box. When I left England it was 1963. (LEON steps back, furious, and signals to the nearer SOLDIER, who strides forward, musket and bayonet pointed towards IAN. IAN braces himself for the blow, then hears a yell from the entrance.) JULES: All right, Leon! Release him! (JULES is standing in the entrance, a pistol pointed at LEON's back. The second SOLDIER swings his musket around, but JULES is faster and shoots him dead. LEON reaches for his pistols, but JULES hurls his now spent weapon at LEON's face. LEON falls back with a cry, dropping his guns. The SOLDIER by IAN has cocked his musket and swings it round to aim at the now unarmed JULES. IAN gathers his strength, hauls himself up by his wrist chains, and kicks the SOLDIER on the side of the head - he falls. LEON recovers and grabs his pistols; IAN shouts a warning.) IAN: Jules! (JULES grabs the falling SOLDIER whom IAN has just kicked, and hold him up as a shield, just as LEON fired. The two bullets ring out simultaneously, and both hit the SOLDIER. As JULES drops the lifeless body, LEON steps back towards the discarded musket. JULES watches as he steps nearer, then casually reaches into his coat and draws a second pistol.) JULES: You traitor! It's you who's the enemy of the people! (LEON makes a desperate lunge for the musket, but JULES fires first. LEON collapses, dead. JULES turns to free IAN.) IAN: I thought I was going mad when I saw you here! Why did you come? JULES: Bad news for you. IAN: Oh? JULES: Barbara and Susan were arrested at the physician. (JULES fiddles with the iron rings, and IAN pulls his wrists clear.) IAN: Yes, I feared that as soon as Leon turned up here. We must get to them. JULES: I think it's best to go back to my hide-out. IAN: What? The soldiers will be there already! JULES: Well, if I know Leon, he will have wanted the satisfaction of arresting me himself. And anyway, we'll just have to risk it. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. CELLS (SUSAN is sitting on a wooden bed board. She hears a tapping at the cell door, and looks through the bars. She can make out a figure dressed in official uniform.) SUSAN: What is it? What d'you want? DOCTOR: Susan, Susan, it... it's me, child! Me! (SUSAN rushes to the door.) SUSAN: Oh, grandfather! Oh grandfather, you've found us! Well how'd you get away from the farmhouse? DOCTOR: Oh, I can't explain that now, child, it'd take too long. SUSAN: Oh, Barbara's here somewhere. DOCTOR: Yes, well I've taken care of that. She should be out of the prison and well on her way now. And I... (He stops and listens. Faint footsteps are approaching.) DOCTOR: Sh! There's someone coming! Quiet! See you later. Sh! SUSAN: Be careful! DOCTOR: Sh! (He leaves in a hurry.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13.JAILER'S ALCOVE (The DOCTOR bumps into the JAILER, who reacts with a shock.) JAILER: But Citizen! DOCTOR: Mm? JAILER: Didn't you collect the soldiers and follow the released prisoner? DOCTOR: Me? Certainly not! JAILER: But... whatever... why not? DOCTOR: But I was under the impression, my dear man, that you were doing so! I'm hardly dressed in the proper clothes to go skulking after people, now am I? JAILER: I couldn't have gone! I can't leave the prison! DOCTOR: Well why didn't you say that in the first place? Well, did you? JAILER: No, Citizen. DOCTOR: No, and what do you think Lemaitre will say? He's bound to want to know whose idea it was. (The JAILER hangs his head in misery.) JAILER: It was mine. Citizen, you must help me! DOCTOR: I'll try. Now don't worry, I'll cover up for you. But you know, I have a feeling that this young girl is tied up in this somehow. Now I think if we let her go, I personally could follow, and then arrest all of them! All I need from you is the key to that child's cell. JAILER: Citizen, Lemaitre was very clear with his instructions. If that door is opened, I lose my head. That's what, what Lemaitre said just before he left, that's what he said! DOCTOR: Lemaitre, Lemaitre! Why can't you use your own initiative, my man, hm? JAILER: Aye, well you must see him when he returns, Citizen. I'm just a humble servant. If his orders are countermanded, well then... DOCTOR: I demand you open that door! (The JAILER is almost panicking, but stands firm.) JAILER: To lose one prisoner is bad enough, to lose two would be the end of me! Especially after my orders. Lemaitre will be returning soon. We'll do as he says - until then, that door remains closed. [SCENE_BREAK] 14. ROBESPIERRE'S OFFICE (ROBESPIERRE paces nervously up and down. He sees LEMAITRE arrive in the ante chamber.) ROBESPIERRE: Ah good, Lemaitre. (LEMAITRE enters, and ROBESPIERRE addresses the GUARD on the door.) ROBESPIERRE: We are not to be disturbed. (The GUARD exits and shuts the door.) ROBESPIERRE: The news is serious, Citizen, and there is not much time. LEMAITRE: I am at your service. You have only to give the order. ROBESPIERRE: There is a meeting of the Convention tomorrow. LEMAITRE: Yes, I know, Citizen. ROBESPIERRE: I have been warned that certain influential Members - traitors, all of them - are planning to bring an indictment against another Member. LEMAITRE: You have their names? (ROBESPIERRE ignores the question.) ROBESPIERRE: Oh, I realise they are forever plotting. But this latest information suggests that more and more of the Paris Commune are taking sides. The plan is that even I shall not be allowed to speak! They're out to destroy me! LEMAITRE: All is not lost, Citizen. You still have many friends sitting in the Convention. ROBESPIERRE: But can I trust them? If this motion gets underway, they will turn against me to save their own necks. Mark my words, Lemaitre. If this plot is successful, tomorrow, the 27th of July 1794, will be a date for history! LEMAITRE: Tell me the leader of this group, Citizen - he will be immediately executed! ROBESPIERRE: Patience, Lemaitre. This is no lone voice we are fighting against. If they are to hold power, they will need the Army on their side. Meetings must have been arranged. LEMAITRE: By whom? ROBESPIERRE: It is my guess that Deputy Paul Barrass is at the forefront of the rebels, but I must be certain before I strike. I shall not get a second chance, Lemaitre. LEMAITRE: Tell me what I must do. ROBESPIERRE: I understand that Barrass is leaving Paris tonight. I assume it must be for a meeting. With the position as it is, it can be for no other reason. I want to know who with, and the decision. Given that, I can still defeat my enemies. LEMAITRE: What if he's just a decoy? ROBESPIERRE: That is my worry, Lemaitre. Tonight my men will be everywhere. Barrass is your responsibility. LEMAITRE: I shall not fail you... Against which Member is the indictment being brought, Citizen? ROBESPIERRE: Against me, Lemaitre! Against me, Robespierre! [SCENE_BREAK] 15. RENAN'S SITTING ROOM (Footsteps can be heard approaching the outside door. The door opens slowly, then closes again, and IAN and JULES enter cautiously.) JULES: Leon was right... Leon was right. He did not tell me about this place. We're safe here for the moment. But I shall have to give up this house very soon. It's becoming too dangerous. (IAN moves into the room, and sees BARBARA lying on the sofa, hidden from view of the entrance.) IAN: Barbara! We thought you'd been arrested! BARBARA: Yes, we were. But when we got to the prison, the Doctor was there. IAN: What! BARBARA: Yes, he's dressed up as if he was running the revolution! From what I could gather, half the people there take orders from him! IAN: That sounds like the Doctor, alright. JULES: The Doctor? You mean Susan's grandfather? BARBARA: Yes, that's right. IAN: And where's Susan? BARBARA: Oh, she'll be along later with him. I just walked out. IAN: Walked out? But... (Laughs.) I don't know how he gets away with it half the time. What did he say? BARBARA: Well not very much - we didn't have a chance. But he'll be here soon, so no doubt we'll get the whole story, several times. (They laugh wryly, then BARBARA notices IAN's bandaged wrists.) BARBARA: What have you done? IAN: Oh, it's nothing much... Let's just say I... fell into the wrong hands, and Jules arrived in time. BARBARA: And Leon? JULES: He's dead, Barbara. I killed him. BARBARA: Killed him? JULES: Yes. He was the traitor we were looking for. (BARBARA is shocked and aghast.) IAN: It was the only way, Barbara. JULES: (Coldly.) He deserved to die. He was a traitor. BARBARA: What do you mean, "he was a traitor"? IAN: When I got to the church, he turned on me. He was going to kill me. JULES: He betrayed us, Barbara. BARBARA: He was a traitor to you - to his side he was a patriot. IAN: Barbara, we've taken sides just by being here. Jules actually shot him. It could just as easily have been me. JULES: And what about Robespierre? I suppose you think... BARBARA: Well just because an extremist like Robespierre... (IAN cuts in angrily.) IAN: Oh Barbara, Jules is our friend! He saved our lives! BARBARA: I know all that! The revolution isn't all bad, and neither are the people who support it. It changed things for the whole world, and good, honest people gave their lives for that change. IAN: Well I think he got what he deserved. BARBARA: You check your history books, Ian, before you decide what people deserve! (She storms out of the room, leaving IAN staring angrily after her. JULES looks very perplexed at the end of the argument.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. CELLS (The DOCTOR appears outside the locked door of SUSAN's cell, holding the JAILER's bottle of cognac.) SUSAN: Oh, grandfather! I thought you were never coming! DOCTOR: I shall have you out of here soon, but I must have your help! Now look, I want you to get down onto the floor, behind this door, and don't move, whatever you do! SUSAN: But grandfather... DOCTOR: Do it now, child, don't argue! Do it now! And don't make a sound! Stay there! (SUSAN ducks down. The DOCTOR hears footsteps approaching.) DOCTOR: There's someone coming. SUSAN: Be careful! DOCTOR: Just... just don't fuss. (The DOCTOR moves into the shadows as the steps get nearer. Soon the JAILER appears, muttering to himself. The DOCTOR steps out, and the JAILER looks up.) JAILER: Oh, it'll be the end of me, this business. I don't know what Lemaitre will say. DOCTOR: Oh, he's not back yet then, eh? JAILER: Oh, we can expect him any minute! DOCTOR: Hmm... (He looks at SUSAN's cell.) DOCTOR: Jailer! Jailer! That girl, she's gone! JAILER: What? DOCTOR: She's gone! (The JAILER rushes to the cell door, looks through the bars, sees the cell apparently empty, and exclaims in panic.) JAILER: She's gone! (He fumbles for the keys and eventually manages to put the correct one in the lock and open the door. The DOCTOR produces the bottle from behind his back and whacks the JAILER over the head, knocking him out. SUSAN stands up from just inside the door.) DOCTOR: Come along, child, quickly! Quick... (He hurries her out of the cell, only to walk straight into LEMAITRE, who reacts instantly.) LEMAITRE: Guards! Guards! (Two prison GUARDS come running, and grab hold of the DOCTOR and SUSAN. The JAILER groggily staggers to his feet and looks at LEMAITRE.) JAILER: He tricked me, Citizen. He tricked me! LEMAITRE: Lock her away. (The GUARDS throw SUSAN back into the cell, and the JAILER locks the door.) JAILER: He did as you said 'e would, Citizen. He tried to get the young girl released, and he let the other prisoner go! DOCTOR: Oh, spare your breath, please! I'm quite capable of explaining the situation myself. LEMAITRE: Alright, Jailer. (He turns to the DOCTOR.) LEMAITRE: I think it's about time we had a talk. (He gestures the DOCTOR ahead of him, and they walk towards his office.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. LEMAITRE'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR feigns indignance as LEMAITRE shuts the door.) DOCTOR: I must insist that you reason- release that young child immediately! LEMAITRE: I'm afraid you're not in a position to insist on anything at the moment! (He walks slowly across the room and sits at the desk. He casually pulls open one of the desk drawers.) DOCTOR: Position, sir? Do you realise who you're talking to? LEMAITRE: Not yet. But I intend to find out. Do you recognise this, Citizen? (He produces the DOCTOR's ring. The DOCTOR takes and examines it briefly.) DOCTOR: No. Should I? (LEMAITRE reaches under the desk for the DOCTOR's clothes.) LEMAITRE: And these. They're yours, aren't they? Given in exchange for those rather splendid clothes and the insignia of a Regional Provincial Deputy. DOCTOR: Do you know that's the biggest fairy story I've ever heard in my life? LEMAITRE: I could have had you arrested any time I wanted! (The DOCTOR realises the game is up.) DOCTOR: Yes - why didn't you? (He makes to put the ring down on the table.) DOCTOR: Please please, keep it. LEMAITRE: Why didn't I? Well, with the political situation as it is, and my position being what it is, I need friends. Even if they're enemies. People I can call on for help - if I have something on them, so much the better. DOCTOR: It's become quite obvious to me why you didn't wish me to leave the prison. LEMAITRE: Huh! I knew I'd never see you again if you did. DOCTOR: But you relaxed the regulations today, and I could have walked out any time I wished. LEMAITRE: And left your granddaughter? (He notices the DOCTOR's guilty reaction.) LEMAITRE: Just an assumption, but obviously correct. I knew I had you so long as she remained here under lock and key. If you remember, when I first met you, you were enquiring after your friends. The young woman, whom the jailer says you've just released, the girl and, err, what was his name - Ian. DOCTOR: So you knew all the time? LEMAITRE: Let's just say I added to my knowledge. Listening at doors can still be effective. DOCTOR: What do you want? LEMAITRE: Ah. So I see we understand each other. If you agree to help me, your granddaughter will be released - after you have kept your side of the bargain. DOCTOR: The least I can do is listen. LEMAITRE: Good! Now, I'm reasonably certain that your group are working with, or for, Jules Renan. I think you used his hideout - certainly you know where it is, and if you don't, your granddaughter does. DOCTOR: I have never met the man! Oh, I fully appreciate why you must want to find him, but if you think that I am going to betray him, then you are a very poor judge of character. LEMAITRE: If you want your granddaughter released, you will have to take me to his hideout. DOCTOR: Never, sir, I refuse! LEMAITRE: I repeat - if you want your granddaughter released, you do not have a choice! [SCENE_BREAK] 18. RENAN'S SITTING ROOM (BARBARA enters to find IAN alone in the room. She has calmed down after her earlier outburst.) BARBARA: Where's Jules? IAN: He went to the end of the street, to look for Susan and the Doctor. BARBARA: Well, the Doctor would have to wait for the right moment. IAN: Yes, but how long can we wait? BARBARA: Oh, I don't know. Whenever somebody passes the house, I think it might be them. IAN: Yes, I know. Barbara - sorry about Leon, but it really was the only way, believe me. BARBARA: I know... I wanted to apologise to Jules... I'm so sick and tired of death, Ian. We never seem able to get away from it. (JULES has entered unnoticed.) JULES: There is no way, Barbara. (He shuts the door as they turn towards him.) JULES: Well, there's no sign of your friends. BARBARA: Well, we must wait a little longer. JULES: Mm. I left the door unlatched. IAN: Oh, so now anyone can walk in! JULES: Try and be patient, Ian... Oh, I know these long hours of waiting only too well. I've had my share. BARBARA: Jules... when I spoke to you before, I... the things I said... JULES: You said because of Leon the man. Yes, I know. But I did what I had to do because of what he represents. Do you ever wonder why I'm doing these things, hiding in shadows, fighting in corners? IAN: We took it for granted you belonged to the other side, the aristocracy. JULES: No. No, I have no title or position. I belong, well, in the middle. But I hate to see order thrown out of the window like so much dust. There can be no loyalty or honour where anarchy prevails. BARBARA: And Leon was your friend. JULES: There are only two sides today, Barbara. Those who rule by fear and treachery, and those who fight for reason and justice. Anyone who betrays these principles is worse than the devil in hell! (They hear a noise at the outside door.) IAN: Here they are. (He looks as the door from the hall opens. In walks the DOCTOR, still in his official uniform; behind him is the tall figure of LEMAITRE!) BARBARA: Lemaitre! JULES: Your friend has betrayed us!
doc_180	BASEBALL FIELD A man remakes the field. JAMIE (Voice-over): The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day. The score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play. Ian is on the field, thinking. JAMIE (Voice-over): So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat, for there seemed but little chance of Casey getting to the bat. Kids, Nathan, Clay and Julian prepare for the game. NATHAN: Whoo! Okay. Everybody settle down, listen up. Coach Baker has something he wants to say. JULIAN: Uh, so I know this is our first game, but it's the last game for me. You see, Brooke and I are moving to New York, so... UMPIRE: Play ball! (Kids leave) JULIAN: I know this is gonna hurt some...Some of you. FLASKBACK, BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian looks at video when he and Brooke are going to get their baby. JULIAN (at video): Where are we, Brooke Davis? BROOKE (at video): We're at the hospital. JULIAN (at video): What are we doing here? BROOKE (at video): We're getting our baby. (Knock on door, it's Nathan) JULIAN: Dude, what's up? NATHAN: I screwed up. JULIAN: Why? What happened? It was so obvious, and I didn't see it. NATHAN: Is this yours? JULIAN: Yeah. NATHAN: Ginger ale? JULIAN: I like ginger ale. It settles the stomach. What's going on, Nate? NATHAN: When the Wagoneer hit Lauren's S.U.V., where was it coming from, north or south? JULIAN: It was coming from the south, heading north. NATHAN: We got the wrong Kellerman. It wasn't August. It was Ian. FLASHBACK, CLINN'S HOUSE Nathan explains the story to Clay. CLAY: But he confessed. You said Professor Kellerman came to the Rivercourt and said that he did it. NATHAN: He lied. The bottle I found in the Wagoneer was Phidian's. And then tonight at the bar, Ian ordered shots of bourbon to toast Lydia. CLAY: Phidian's. NATHAN: Said it's all he drinks. CLAY: All right. So, maybe it's a family thing. It doesn't really prove anything. NATHAN: There's more. At the Rivercourt, when Kellerman confessed, he said he was coming from a dinner that night in Raleigh. CLAY: So? NATHAN: So, he was coming from the south. Raleigh's north. CLAY: All right, well, look, don't beat yourself up over it just yet. I mean, you could still be wrong. NATHAN: Maybe. But if I'm right, August Kellerman just ended a 30-year career because of me. CLAY: Yeah. And his son let him. And he's our client. BASEBALL FIELD Ian practices. Then, he leaves and August walks on the field. Nathan joins him. NATHAN: Professor Kellerman? We need to talk. ONE TREE HILL - OPEN CREDITS BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke makes her stuff to go in New York. She sees the panel of Karen's Cafe. CHASE'S BEDROOM Chase and Alex are in bed. They slept together. ALEX: So much for baby steps. CHASE: You played guitar. Wasn't fair. Oh-ho-ho! I'm gonna go ahead and need you to play guitar again right now. Quickly. ALEX: Man. BASEBALL FIELD Kids play. Quinn supports Jamie's team. Julian talks with Clay. UMPIRE: Strike one! QUINN: Yeah! Let's go, Sharks! CLAY: There we go! Nice one! Go, Sharks! QUINN: Let's go, Sharks! JULIAN: Uh... What happened to Quinn? CLAY: Uh, she's just busy. She'll be here. Attaboy! Two more just like that! Way to go, Sharks! QUINN: Yeah, way to go, Sharks! FLASHBACK, CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn announces a good new to Clay. QUINN: Baby! Guess where I'm going? CLAY: Please don't say South Africa. QUINN: I got an offer to shoot a job in Puerto Rico. We're saying at the El Conquistador. It's next week. Do you want to go? CLAY: I would, but I have training camp. QUINN: Oh. That's too bad. I guess I'll have to do the whole supermodel bikini shoot without you. CLAY: Puerto Rico sounds awesome. I mean, pfft. Supermodels in bikinis? Have you seen my baby? QUINN: Nice try. CLAY: Yeah. But I do have camp. Uh, maybe you can invite the girls? Haley can't go, but Brooke and Alex. QUINN: Maybe I will. By the way, I leave the day after Jamie's game, so you might want to come straight home because it's my last night, and my man is looking very sexy. CLAY: Careful, I'm sweaty. QUINN: Yes, you will be. BASEBALL FIELD Clay finds his mind. Jamie's team defends. CLAY: All right, here we go, Sharks! Three up, three down! Let's go, let's go! Moving right along! JULIAN: Attaboy, Jamie! CLAY: Yes! Very nice! Now hustle in! Real quick! Real quick! Nathan announces who plays for their game. NATHAN: All right, first up we have Chuck, which seems like a bad idea. Then it's Madison, Jamie, and Daniel. All right, let's get some hits. CLAY: All right! Let's go, Sharks! NATHAN: Chuck! Come on, buddy. You're up. CHUCK: Whatever. AERODROME Chase waits someone. FLASHBACK, CLUB TRIC Chuck is with Chase. He wants him to ask something. CHUCK: Ahh. Oh, I meant to tell you we have a game on Friday. Think you could come? CHASE: What time is the game? CHUCK: 4:00. It's okay if you can't. I just thought it might be cool if you could. CHASE: Hmm. I've got some stuff going on, but I'll be there. 4:00. Wouldn't miss it. AERODROME Chase waits yet. NALEY'S HOUSE Brooke visits Haley with a surprise. BROOKE: Hello! I have come to offer you a trade. Last remnants of Karen's café for Lydia straight up. HALEY: Oh, I don't know. That's tempting. BROOKE: I'll throw in my car. And my sunglasses. Car has new tires, but that's it. HALEY: Hmm. What do you say? Say "no deal." BROOKE: Say yes! HALEY: "No deal! I like it here!" Sorry. BROOKE: Fine. You can have the sign anyway. I know Karen's meant a lot to you, too. HALEY: Oh, thank you so much. I always wanted that. BROOKE: Yeah. Hi! HALEY: I'm getting so sad today. BROOKE: Why? HALEY: I was thinking about the Rivercourt, and now this sign. I just feel like it's the end of something really good, you know? Makes me sad. BROOKE: Well, on the upside, Lydia and I talked, and she told me that she wants to spend every weekend in New York, shopping and seeing plays...And hanging out with her Aunt Brooke. HALEY: Ohh. BROOKE: Huh? Yes. HALEY: I am gonna miss you, Brooke Davis, like you can't imagine. BROOKE: Of course I can. I'm gonna miss you the same. I love you. HALEY: You too. BROOKE: What if I throw in Julian's truck? HALEY: Not gonna happen. BROOKE: Ahh, it's a good deal. Tell your mommy she didn't even have you a week ago. HALEY: Oh, no! BROOKE: She didn't even have you a week ago! Ohh! I know! FLASHBACK, BASEBALL FIELD Nathan talks with August. NATHAN: It wasn't you. It was Ian. AUGUST: It doesn't matter. I resigned. NATHAN: To cover for your son. Why? AUGUST: Because he's my son. NATHAN: But your career. 30 years, Professor Kellerman. AUGUST: Well, Mr. Kellerman now. And you asked why I did it, not whether or not he was worth it. I haven't had a drink since my wife died. We're fathers, Nathan. This is what we do for our sons. It just is. BASEBALL FIELD It's to Madison to hit the ball. UMPIRE: Strike three! NATHAN: All right, buddy, here we go! It's to Jamie to hit the ball. JAMIE(Voice-over): It knocked upon the mountain and recoiled upon the flat, for Casey, mighty Casey, was advancing to the bat. There was ease in Casey's manner as he stepped into his place. There was pride in Casey's bearing and a smile on Casey's face. UMPIRE: Strike one! NATHAN: That's all right, Jamie. You can do it! Make sure it's your pitch, buddy. QUINN: Let's go, bud! This one's yours! UMPIRE: Strike two! QUINN: That's all right! Good cut, buddy! NATHAN: It's okay, Jamie. Keep your eye on the ball, buddy. UMPIRE: Strike three! Jamie joins others. CHUCK: Wow, Jamie. You bat like my mom. JAMIE: Really? How about we ask her? Oh, wait she's not here, is she? FLASHBACK, CLUB TRIC Alex joins Chase and Chuck. CHASE: There she is Alex Dupré. I want you to meet someone. ALEX: Oh. You must be Chuck. I've heard a lot about you. CHUCK: And you're Alex. I saw pictures of you on the Internet. Naughty, naughty. CHASE: Hey! CHUCK: So are you guys, like, doing stuff? ALEX: What kind of stuff? You mean like going to the movies, talking on the phone, and holding hands? 'Cause we totally do that kind of stuff. CHUCK: Gross. Or maybe awesome. I don't know. I got to go to the bathroom. CHASE: I told you about that root beer. Don't make me tell Alex about the camping trip. CHUCK: Shut up! Stinking drag-leg Laura! (Chuck leaves) ALEX: What? CHASE: Sorry. ALEX: No, it's okay. He's cute. Kind of. So, what's up? CHASE: I need a favor. You ever taken a drug test? ALEX: Why, are you taking one? CHASE: Have you? ALEX: Dude, if they drug-tested me, I would never work again. I'm kidding. I know everything there is to know about drug tests. Ask me anything. CHASE: All right. How long does it take for a couple hits off a joint to clear your system? ALEX: When did you get high? CHASE: Um, I didn't, really. Not on purpose. You remember the Kid Cudi show? FLASHBACK, CLUB TRIC Chase enters in the Kid Cudi's room. CHASE: More beers for you guys. Have a good show. MAN: No one leaves without hitting this. CHASE: Is he serious? MAN: Yeah. FLASHBACK, CLUB TRIC Alex is laughing. ALEX: That's amazing. CHASE: How long? ALEX: I don't know. I mean, it's different for everyone. Can you risk it? CHASE: No. I need a favor. ALEX: Huh? FLASHBACK, CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn is in bikini. CLAY: Quinn? Hey, Quinn! Holy cow. QUINN: Don't say cow. CLAY: I want to go to Puerto Rico. I mean it. Forget about training camp. Puerto Rico is absolutely the only place I can possibly be this weekend. QUINN: You're sweet, and I love you. Maybe on our date after Jamie's game, I can wear this in the hot tub. Or...Not wear it. Hurry home. Hurry home. BASEBALL FIELD Clay finds his mind. CLAY: No extra innings! Three up, three down. Three up, three down. Four up, three down. Stay in front of those, Madison! FLASHBACK, NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan talks to Haley about August. NATHAN: I saw him as Dan. I thought Ian Kellerman was like me and his father was like Dan. I guess I'm still not past it. HALEY: Your father. NATHAN: Yeah. I'll never be able to understand or accept what he did, so I guess I just...avoid it. Because if I don't avoid it, what's left is so dark. It's like... It's like Lydia growing up and someday standing a few feet from Jamie and taking his life. And that's impossible and horrible... HALEY: Mm. NATHAN: And that's exactly what my father did. And then I feel guilty... For keeping Jamie from seeing his grandfather and for making it to the NBA and knowing that I never could have done it without my father. And for letting him live alone and die alone because that's what I have to do. HALEY: Maybe you should just go to that diner and tell Dan everything that you're thinking and feeling all of it. NATHAN: You think he deserves that? HALEY: No. But I think you deserve it. FLASHBACK, CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn practices sport. Clay sees her. CLAY: Hey, didn't you already work out today? QUINN: Yep. I'm doing two-a-days. CLAY: Oh. You're worried about being around all those models. QUINN: Mm, actually, that's not it. I'm worried about security at the airport. CLAY: What? QUINN: You know those TSA machines show you naked? I got to look good for that. AERODROME Chase still wait. FLASHBACK, CLUB TRIC Chase's cellphone rings. CHASE(at phone): Hello? WOMAN(at phone): Hi, Mr. Adams. I'm calling from the clinic. We need you to come back in and retest as soon as you can. CHASE(at phone): Why? Is there, uh, a problem? WOMAN(at phone): Yes. Actually, it looks like the lab had a mix-up with your urine sample. CHASE(at phone): Okay. Are you sure? WOMAN(at phone): Well, unless you're pregnant, we're pretty sure. AERODROME Alex joins Chase. ALEX: Hey. What's wrong? You okay? CHASE: We need to talk. BASEBALL FIELD It's to Madison to hit the ball. UMPIRE: Ball four. Take your base. QUINN: Yay, Madison! Let's go, Sharks! NATHAN: Dude, what happened to Quinn? CLAY: Uh, she had a few last-minute things to take car of. I think she wanted to get a spray tan. She'll be here. Nice one, Madison! QUINN: Way to go! FLASHBACK, BEAUTY ROOM QUINN: I'd like the panther, please. WOMAN: Actually, the panther is our darkest shade. I really wouldn't recommend that for you. QUINN: Oh, that's okay. I'll be fine. Just one panther, please. WOMAN: Okay. BASEBALL FIELD CLAY: She'll be here. But you know who won't be here? Ian. FLASHBACK, CLINN'S HOUSE Nathan and Clay must to find a solution to punish Ian. CLAY: We got to talk to Ian. NATHAN: I know. I'll do it. CLAY: It'd probably be better if I talk to him. NATHAN: Why? CLAY: 'Cause you're bad cop and I'm good cop. NATHAN: Why am I bad cop? CLAY: Real it, okay. Might be the, uh, the bar fights, the shouting matches in public, the murderous father. NATHAN: Weak. Maybe Julian should talk to him. CLAY: Why not me? NATHAN: Because you're not good cop. You're more like officer friendly. Julian nearly lost Brooke. He should talk to him, if he wants to. FLASHBACK, CLAY'S CAR Julian, Nathan and Clay are with Ian. IAN: Where we going, anyway? CLAY: Just taking a little drive. JAMIE(Voice-over): They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain. BASEBALL FIELD It's to Jamie to hit the ball. JAMIE(Voice-over): And they knew that Casey wouldn't let that ball go by again. UMPIRE: Strike three. You're out. Nathan, Clay and Julian give the last rules. NATHAN: All right, this is it. We need one run to tie, two to win. I say we win it right here. No extra innings. CLAY: No extra innings. Definitely no extra innings. JULIAN: Now, you all know I'm moving to New York and this is gonna be my only game. UMPIRE: I need a batter, coach! JULIAN: So I just wanted to express... NATHAN: All right, that's it. Top of the order. Chuck, Madison, Jamie. Let's go. CLAY: All right, Sharks, we got this. Come on! Whoo! Come on, Chuck. Look alive, buddy! Chase and Alex are coming. Chuck joins them. CHASE: There he is, Chuck Skolnick! ALEX: These are for good luck. Yeah, nice. Nice. You got this, buddy. CHASE: Let's go, Skolnick! Free root beer for a hit! ALEX: Yeah! Whoo! Come on, Chuck! CHASE: Let's go, Skolnick! Whoo! Come on, Chuck! Let's go, Skolnick! Chuck touches the ball. CHASE: Whoo! CHUCK: Yes! Clay: Nice, Chuck! All right! Ha ha! We're having fun now! But we're having it fast. Madison, you're up. Come on, Madison. Boop, boop. Fast fun, fast fun. Let's go, Sharks! Quinn joins Clay. QUINN: Hi, handsome. CLAY: Ohh! QUINN: I'm so tan, right? Do you love it? Mm-hmm. Don't forget about our date later. CLAY: Mnh-mnh. Madison. Madison, take your time, okay? You wait for your right pitch, and you tie this thing up for us. I'm talking extra innings. Free baseball, Sharks! We like that. Meanwhile, Ian passes test in front of scouts. FLASHBACK, GABEL BRIDGE Guys go to the place of this accident. NATHAN: So, how's your dad doing, Ian? I mean, now that he's resigned. IAN: I don't know. However, I guess. He mostly spends time on that stupid boat. JULIAN: You know what's good about boats? They float. Cars, not so much. IAN: Where are we going, again? CLAY: Right here. We're going right here. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley sees the panel and finds an idea. FLASHBACK, GABEL BRIDGE JULIAN: I'll never forget this place. I was standing right about here when I saw Brooke. And she looked so relieved, like maybe... For a moment, everything was gonna be okay. I was proud of her, you know? For staying to help Jamie. I mean, he's just a kid. Just a scared kid who wanted to believe that everything would be okay, and that adults would make it okay and be heroic and strong and everything they're supposed to be for a boy like that. And then the Wagoneer came from right there. They're lucky to be alive! IAN: Yeah, man, I'm so sorry. You know, my dad, he... NATHAN: He hasn't had a drink since your mom died. IAN: That's not true. NATHAN: He was also coming from Raleigh that night. And he wouldn't have been coming from that direction. IAN: So maybe he got turned around in the storm. I don't know. NATHAN: Maybe it was you, Ian. It was, wasn't it? IAN: Come on, guys. He told you he did it. He resigned. JULIAN: And you let him! You got drunk, nearly killed my wife and Nathan's son, and then just drove away and let your father take the blame! Look at me! You probably didn't even say "thank you." IAN: You know what? You guys are my agents. You're should be thrilled that we dodged a bullet, that everyone's okay, everything's been dealt with. NATHAN: Thrilled... That you drove drunk, left our families to die, and your family to pay for it? What the hell is wrong with you? IAN: Guys, I got scouts coming to see me. I am this close to being someone. I couldn't stay here. I couldn't. I didn't have a choice. JULIAN: Oh, you had a choice. IAN: Whatever. This is ridiculous. (Clay pushes Ian in water) NATHAN: Clay! Clay! IAN: Are you out of your mind?! CLAY: You had no choice?! You chose to be a coward! IAN: You know what? You guys are fired! I might even sue you for this! Get off me! JULIAN: Come here! IAN: Get off! JULIAN: You like that?! How does that feel?! IAN: Stop! Stop! JULIAN: Don't you wish there was somebody here to help you now?! IAN: Go on! JULIAN: Go throw your ball and be whoever it is you think you're gonna be! NATHAN: My son said to give that to you. IAN: I couldn't stay! I just couldn't! JULIAN: Well, now maybe you can stay and think about it. Enjoy the walk. BASEBALL FIELD It's to Madison to hit the ball. JULIAN: All right, Madison, come on! No outs! CHUCK: We only need one, Madison! Don't mess it up! QUINN: Yeah! Go, go, go, go, Madison! NATHAN: You're safe here. Stop, stop. Alex and Chase join Quinn. QUINN: All right! Come on, Jamie, you can do this! ALEX: Quinn? Is that a spray tan? QUINN: Yeah. It's the panther. CLAY: Nice and slow. Take your time. FLASHFORWARD, JACUZZI Quinn and Clay are dating. QUINN: Hey. Let date night begin. Here I come. CLAY: Babe? QUINN: Now, then... Oh, no! CLAY: I think if we dunked you, we could make tea. QUINN: Oh, my God! No! No, no, no! CLAY: Well, maybe some of it'll stick to me. I could use the color. Can I interest you in a hot shower? QUINN: Yes. BASEBALL FIELD It's to Jamie to hit the ball. NATHAN: All right. Come on, Jamie, you got this. Let's get a hit. FLASHBACK, AUGUST'S BOAT Nathan and August talk together. NATHAN: Thanks. So...I owe you an apology. I was so sure you were like my dad, I couldn't see you any other way. AUGUST: Well... Then that makes us even. I was so sure you were like my son that I couldn't see you as the "A" student you turned out to be. NATHAN: "A" student? Really? AUGUST: "A" minus. I understand you're no longer representing my son. NATHAN: That's right. AUGUST: Admit it - when I asked you not to, you thought it was because I felt you weren't good enough for him. But maybe I thought he wasn't good enough for you and that agency you have with your partner, the Muppet. NATHAN: Clay Evans. Fortitude. AUGUST: Integrity as a mission statement. Not bad. I promised my wife, Catherine, I'd do this someday sail off to nowhere. No lectures, no papers, no clocks. Actually, I promised her we'd do it together. Time gets away from you. NATHAN: You know, I don't speak with my father. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, but I know in my heart that's the way it has to be. So, one of these nights, when you find your corner of heaven or your sliver of peace and you're feeling guilty about the distance between you and your son... I don't know. Maybe it just...helps to know that you're not the only one going through something like that. AUGUST: Well, there's no time like now to start the rest of your life. NATHAN: Thanks for the beer, profes... um, Mr. Kellerman. AUGUST: Call me August. NATHAN: Where's Dogust, by the way? AUGUST: He's here. Dogust! Hey! Look who's here to see you! Yes. Look at this. Every Captain needs a first mate. NATHAN: There he is. Hey, pal. Good to see you again. All right. AUGUST: Take care. All the best. Come on. Let's go sailing. Come on, Dogust. Come on, my boy. Mr. Scott. They still developing those condos at that basketball court of yours? NATHAN: The Rivercourt. Yeah. AUGUST: Two words, Snipey Plover. It's a bird. Okay, Catherine, here we go. You too, Dogust. You too. Yeah. BASEBALL FIELD Ian practices. Meanwhile, It's to Jamie to hit the ball. UMPIRE: Strike one. NATHAN: Time! Time! How you doing? JAMIE: Okay, I guess. NATHAN: Yeah? Feeling nervous? Yeah, I always felt nervous at the free-throw line. But listen, there's something I forgot to tell you about today that I should have. It's just a game, okay? Grandpa Dan always used to make me feel like it was life or death, but it's not. Now, you got a couple good strikes coming, so just give it your best shot. You're a good hitter. You can do this. No matter what, we're both getting ice cream, so either way we're good. All right? UMPIRE: Okay, coach, let's go. NATHAN: All right. Go get 'em, Jamie Scott. JAMIE: Okay. FLASHBACK, CAFETARIA Nathan wants to see his father but he backs off. FLASHBACK, NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan explains to Haley what it's happened. NATHAN: I couldn't do it. I drove to see Dan, but I couldn't go in. HALEY: Maybe one day. BASEBALL FIELD Jamie tries to hit the ball, he thinks. JAMIE(Voice-over): The sneer is gone from Casey's lip, his teeth are clenched in hate. He pounds with cruel violence... His bat upon the plate. He signalled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew. But Casey still ignored it, and the umpire said... UMPIRE: Strike two! JULIAN: Come on, Jamie, come on. MADISON: Come on, Jamie! You can do it! I know you can. FLASHBACK, AERODROME Chase announces to Alex what he knowns. CHASE: All my life, I've wanted to fly. And lately, I've been feeling... A sense of obligation. ALEX: That's why you've been spending time with Chuck, right? CHASE: That's right. But...It's more than that. I needed to take that drug test to join the Air Force. ALEX: What? Oh, my gosh. And did you join the Air Force? CHASE: Not yet. There's still a chance I could, but... I'd rather stay here with you because...You're pregnant, Alex. We're pregnant. Hey, it's okay. It's gonna be okay. I'm gonna be right here. ALEX: No, no, no, no, it's not... But you would stay with me? CHASE: Of course. What do you mean it's...it's not okay? ALEX: Now I have something to tell you. FLASHFORWARD, BASEBALL FIELD Brooke joins Julian on the field. BROOKE: Hey, handsome. JULIAN: Hi. BROOKE: I turned down the job. JULIAN: In New York? Why? BROOKE: When I was living there and running Clothes Over Bros, my office looked out on this building nearby, and on the rooftop was a playground where all the grade-school kids would have recess. And some days when things were crazy which was most days I'd look out, and I'd watch those kids run around, and I'd think, "that's no way to play." I mean, I love New York, but living in constant fear of losing the kickball over the roof of your playground is kind of a rough way to grow up. JULIAN: So you turned down the job because the schools have playgrounds on the roof? BROOKE: I turned down the job because I don't want our child to have a playground on the roof. Unless it's the roof of my store here in Tree Hill. JULIAN: Tree Hill... Okay, you're losing me. BROOKE: Chase had to take a drug test, but a guy in Kid Cudi's posse made him take a hit of a joint, so he asked Alex to pee in a cup for him because she's sober. Except Alex isn't really sober because she accidentally ate some of Quinn's pot brownies, so Alex came over to ask you, because her and Chase are getting closer, and she wanted to be the one to help him, but you weren't home, so Alex asked me. And the lab called Chase and said that he's pregnant. JULIAN: What? BROOKE: So Chase told Alex, and Alex told me, and I took a pregnancy test. We're pregnant. JULIAN: Baby! I knew you could do it. JAMIE(Voice-over): Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright. BASEBALL FIELD Jamie is ready to hit the ball. JAMIE(Voice-over): The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light. NATHAN: All right, come on, Jamie! You can do it, son! JAMIE(Voice-over): And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout. That somewhere is right here. Because Casey might have struck out, but Casey's last name wasn't "Scott". PEOPLE: Jamie! Jamie! End of the episode.
doc_181	Jessica: You promised this was only gonna be for a few weeks. Sean: Look, just because we're in a trailer does not mean we're trailer park trash. Jessica: Exactly. We're worse. We don't even have enough money to be in a trailer park. Sean: Don't have a meltdown, okay? It's probably just the generator. Jessica: You mean the thing that runs the electricity and water. I'm sorry. I'm just tired of feeling slightly terrified all the time. It's not like I wanna be. Sean: Hey, look, it's going to get better. Jessica: Sean? Jessica: Noooo! Allison: If Jackson doesn't know what he's doing, then he probably doesn't know that someone's controlling him. Scott: Or he doesn't remember. Stiles: What if it's the same kind of thing that happened with Lydia when she took off from the hospital? Allison: A fugue state? Scott: He'd have to forget everything. The murder - Allison: Getting rid of the blood. Stiles: Yeah, he had help with one thing tough - the video. And someone else helped him forget that. Scott: Whoever's controlling him. Allison: Are you sure Jackson has no clue about any of this? Stiles: He thinks he's still becoming a werewolf and that being with Lydia somehow delayed the whole thing. Allison: So do we try and convince him he's not? Scott: If it helps us find out who's controlling him, then yeah. Allison: Do you think he'll talk to us after what we did? Stiles: Yeah, it's us. He'll talk to us. Right? Sheriff: You will not go within 50 feet of Jackson Whittemore. You will not speak to him. You will not approach him. You will not assault or harass him physically or psychologically. Stiles: What about school? Sheriff: You can attend classes while attempting to maintain a 50 - foot distance. Stiles: Bu - okay, what if we both have to use the bathroom at the same time and there's only two stalls available and they're only right next to each other? I'll just hold it. Sheriff: Do I need to remind you how lucky we are that they're not pressing charges? Stiles: Oh, come on, it was just a joke. Sheriff: It was a joke? Stiles: Yes, I didn't think it would be taken this seriously. Dad, humor's very subjective, okay? I mean, we're talking, like, multiple levels of interpretation here. Sheriff: Uh - huh. Stiles: Uh - huh. Sheriff: Okay, well, how exactly am I supposed to interpret the stolen prison transport van, huh? Stiles: We filled the tank! Melissa: Move! It's not just this. Although, a restraining order is a new low that I didn't think that you would reach quite this soon. It's everything on top of it. The completely bizarre behavior, the late nights coming home, having to beg Mr. Harris for you to make up that chemistry test that you missed. Scott: I missed a chemistry test? Melissa: Really, Scott? Really? I have to ground you. I am grounding you. You are grounded. Scott: What about work? Melissa: Fine - Other than work. And no TV. Scott: My TV's broken. Melissa: Then no computer. Scott: I need the computer for school. Melissa: Then no, uh - no Stiles. Stiles: What - no Stiles? Melissa: No Stiles! And no more car privileges. Give me your keys. Give 'em to me! Oh, for the love of God. Scott: Mom, you want me to - Melissa: No. Scott: Mom, come on, let me just - mom. Mom! Melissa: What is going on with you? Is this about Allison? Scott: Do you really wanna know? Melissa: Yeah. Is this about your father? It is, isn't it? Okay, you know what, um - We'll talk about this at home. I'm gonna go get the car. Scott: I'm the worst son ever. Stiles: Well, I'm not exactly winning any prizes either. Mr. Whittemore: Dammit! You give him a restraining order, and he's mocking you! He was mo - and what do I do about going to the bathroom? What the hell - Isaac: So why do we need their help? Derek: Because it's harder to kill than I thought and I still don't know who it is. Isaac: And they do? Derek: They might. Which is why I need one of you to get on their good side. Erica: Mm. Scott or Stiles? Derek: Either. Isaac: You know, the full moon's coming, Derek. Derek: I'm aware of that. Erica: Oh my, these look comfortable. Isaac: You said you were gonna teach us to change whenever we wanted. Derek: There hasn't been time. Isaac: But if you have to lock us up during the full moon, that means - that means you're alone against the Argents. Derek: They haven't found us. Isaac: Yet! So how about we forget the kanima? Derek: We. Can't! There was something about the way Gerard looked at it. He wasn't afraid - at all. I don't know what he knows or what he's planning. But I'm sure about one thing. We have to find it first. Allison: It's everything Lydia can translate. And trust me, she was very confused. Scott: Yeah, what'd you tell her? Allison: That we were part of an online gaming community that battles mythical creatures. Stiles: I am part of an online gaming community that battles mythical creatures. Allison: O - oh. Great. Scott: Okay, does it say how to find out who's controlling him? Allison: Not really. But Stiles was right about the murderers. Stiles: Yes! Allison: It calls the kanima a weapon of vengeance. There's a story in there about this South American priest who uses the kanima to execute murderers in his village - Stiles: All right, see? So maybe it's not all that bad. Allison: Until the bond grew strong enough that it killed whoever he wanted it to. Stiles: All bad, all very, very bad. Allison: Here's the thing, though. The kanima's actually supposed to be a werewolf. But it can't be - Scott: "Until it resolves that in its past which manifested it." Stiles: Okay, if that means that Jackson could use a few thousand hours of therapy, I could've told you that myself. Allison: What if - It has something to do with his parents? His real parents. Scott: Yeah, does anybody actually know what happened to them? Stiles: Lydia might. Scott: What if she doesn't know anything? Allison: Well, he doesn't have a restraining order against me, so - I'll talk to him myself. Scott: Okay, what do I do? Allison: You have a make - up exam, remember? Promise me. Scott: If he does anything, you run the other way. Allison: I can take care of myself. Scott: Allison, if you get hurt while I'm busy with some stupid test, someone's going to need to take care of me. If he does anything - Allison: Like? Scott: Anything - Weird or bizarre - anything. Stiles: Anything evil! Ah - Ow! Teacher: Jackson? Did you still want to discuss your paper? Harris: You have one hour, Mr. McCall. Begin. Melissa: Really, Scott? I can't. Oh - Am I gonna do this? Am I gonna do this? No, I am gonna go to work. I am gonna go to work. I am just gonna straighten up. Just a little bit. Just a tad. He won't even know I was here. Matt: Oh, you just scared the hell out of me. Allison: Sorry, I wa - I was just, um, I was - nothing. Matt: Ah, that's a - nice heels. Allison: Oh! Yeah, uh, my feet were hurting, so I - Matt: Same reason I never wear mine. Allison: What? Matt: Uh, forget it. Hey, did you hear about the underground show? Apparently, they've got some big name spinning. Allison: Oh, you mean like a rave? Matt: Oh, is it still a rave if you don't roll? I just call it a party. But hey, I got a friend who can hook us up with tickets if you're down. Want me to get you one? Allison: Yeah. Yeah, great. Matt: Yeah? All right, cool. Um, it's Friday, so - Looking forward to it. Allison: Yeah. Lydia: I'm not supposed to tell anyone. Stiles: Come on, anyone who ever says "I'm not supposed to tell anyone" is always dying to tell someone, so tell me! Lydia: Why do you wanna know? Stiles: I can't tell you that. Lydia: Then I'm not telling you. Stiles: But you are telling me that you could tell me something if you wanted to tell me? Lydia: Was that a question? Stiles: It felt like a question. Lydia: Well - Tell me if this feels like an answer. No. Allison: Jackson? Jackson: In here. Is something wrong? Allison: Y - you could've warned me. Jackson: You're the one that walked into the boys' locker room. Allison: I thought I heard you - I th - forget it. Jackson: Did you wanna talk about something? Allison: We can talk later. Jackson: No. Let's talk now. [SCENE_BREAK] Stiles: Lydia! Lydia, come on! Ly - wait! Ow! Ah, ah, hey, Erica. Erica: Why are you asking Lydia about Jackson's real parents? Stiles: Why are you bringing out the claws on camera? That's right. You wanna play Catwoman? I'll be your Batman. Erica: If you're wondering about Jackson's real parents, they're about half a mile from here. In Beacon Hills cemetery. Allison: I - I have to get to cl - Jackson: Oh, no, no, you don't. No, you have perfect grades. You can skip one class. Are you okay? Your heart's beating like crazy. Scott: Allison. Stiles: Do you know how they died? Erica: Maybe. If you tell me why you're so interested. Stiles: Um - Erica: It's him, isn't it? Stiles: What? Who? Him who? Erica: The test didn't work, but it's still him. It's Jackson. Harris: What do you think you're doing? Scott: The hour's up. Harris: You're not leaving till every single one of these bubbles is filled in. Jackson: I thought you wanted to talk. Allison: I - I - I changed my mind. Jackson: You sure? Because you look a little stressed. Is it Scott? Is it that whole thing? I still can't believe you actually think your little Romeo and Juliet story is gonna last. You know he's eventually just gonna run to Derek and join up with him and his little wolf pack. If you don't realize that, then you gotta be the stupidest bitch in this town. Well, other than Scott since he's a pretty stupid bitch himself. Allison: Stop. Just stop! Jackson: What are you gonna do, Allison, hmm - when your stupid bitch of boyfriend turns on you? They kill your aunt. They almost kill Lydia. Who do you really think's gonna be next, hmm? Not you. No, no, it can't be you, because you're in love. Is that what you tell yourself, hmm? "Scott's different and everything's gonna work out because we're in love." Well, if that's what you believe, then you're already dead. I just - I just hope your dad has been teaching you moves to protect yourself. Allison: Actually, he has. Jackson: Allison? What are you doing here? Allison: I - I'm fine. I'm fine. Scott, I'm fine. Scott! Jackson: I have a restraining order! Scott: Trust me, I restrained myself. Stiles: You can't tell Derek, okay? There's a lot more to this that you don't know about. And just because you got the Alpha bite makeover doesn't give you a license to go around destroying people. Erica: Why not? That's all anybody ever used to do to me. I used to have the worst crush in the world on you. Yeah, you, Stiles. And you never once even noticed me. Exactly how you're not noticing me right now. Stiles: Scott, Scott, Scott! Guys! Harris: What the hell's going on? Hey! Enough! Enough. What do you idiots think you're doing? Jackson! Calm down! Mr. McCall, you wanna explain yourself? Stilinski! Matt: You dropped this. Harris: You and you - actually - all of you - Detention. Three o'clock. Melissa: Hi, there. Victoria: Oh, I'll make an announcement, have Scott brought to the office. Melissa: Um, actually - I came here to talk to you. Victoria: Me? Peter: Busy after school? Lydia: Always. Peter: Well, unbusy yourself. I wanna talk to you. Actually, I want to show you something. Lydia: I thought we'd gotten past the slightly rapey language. Peter: And - Bring the flower. Jackson: Oh, uh - we can't be in detention together. I have a restraining order against these tools. Harris: All of these tools? Stiles: No, just us tools. Harris: Fine. You two, over there. Scott: I'm gonna kill him. Stiles: No, you're not. You're going to find out who's controlling him and then you're gonna help save him. Scott: No. You were right, let's kill him. Stiles: Oh - No. Matt: Kanima. Victoria: I was under the impression they were no longer dating. Melissa: Me too, but it looks like they are. And more. A lot more. Victoria: How do you know it's not some other impressionable young girl - with severely low standards? Melissa: Because I know Scott. And Allison is the only one that he's ever talked about like that. I just wanna make sure they continue to be safe. Victoria: I couldn't agree more. Stiles: Hey. What if it's Matt? I mean, this whole thing comes back to the video, right? Scott: Danny said that Matt was the one who found the two hours of footage missing. Stiles: Exactly! He's trying to throw suspicion off himself. Scott: So he makes Jackson kill Isaac's dad, one of Argent's hunters, and the mechanic working on your jeep? Stiles: Yes! Scott: Why? Stiles: Because - he's evil. Scott: You just don't like him. Stiles: The guy - Bugs me. I don't know what it is. Just look at his face. Scott: Any other theories? Matt: You okay? Jackson: I have to go to the bathroom. Harris: Are you all right? Hey, you don't look so good. Jackson: I just need to get some water. Harris: No one leaves their seats. Scott: Stiles says you know how Jackson's parents died. Erica: Maybe. Scott: Talk. Erica: It was a car accident. My dad was the insurance investigator, and every time he sees Jackson drive by in his Porsche, he makes some comment about the huge settlement he'll be getting when he's 18. Stiles: So not only is Jackson rich now, but he's getting even richer at 18? Erica: Yep. Stiles: There's something so deeply wrong with that. Erica: You know what? I could try to find the insurance report on my dad's inbox. He keeps everything. Speaker: Scott McCall, please report to the principal's office. Harris: Jackson! Jackson: I'm fine, just give me a minute. Lydia: Perfect. Stiles: Whoa, look the dates. Erica: "Passengers arrived at the hospital DOA. The estimated time of death - 9:26 P.M., June 14, 1995." Stiles: Jackson's birthday is June 15th. Harris: Oh, no, I'm sorry. Uh, yes, I'm leaving. But none of you are. You may go when you're done with the re - shelving. Enjoy the rest of your evening. Scott: The principal wanted to see me? Victoria: No - I did. I'm concerned about the detention today. How Allison ended up in there with you and Mr. Stilinski. A sink was ripped off the wall. You're lucky I'm here to explain that to people somehow. You realize that? Scott: Yeah. I do now. Victoria: Good. Are you having sx with my daughter? Scott: Uh - No. I'm not having sx with your daughter. Victoria: I certainly hope not. Lydia: Hello? Stiles: It means he was born after his mom died - by c - section. They had to pull him out of her dead body. Matt: You okay, dude? Allison: So was it an accident or not? Stiles: The word all over the report is "inconclusive." Scott: Then his parents could have been murdered? Stiles: If they were, then it falls in line with the kanima myth. You know? It seeks out and kills murderers. Allison: But for Jackson? Or the person controlling him? Scott: We have to talk to him. We have to tell him. Allison: He's not gonna l - Scott: Erica! Erica: Unh! Stiles: Whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey! I think she's having a seizure. Allison: He's alive. Stiles: Hey, we need to get her to a hospital. Erica: Derek - only to Derek. Scott: When we get her to the hospital - Erica: To Derek. To Derek. Allison: Go. Stiles: Hey, Scott! Scott: I'm staying here with you. Allison: He can't take her alone. Not like this. And Matt - I've got to call an ambulance for him, just go. Scott: This doesn't feel right. Allison: It's okay. Scott: No, it's not. No, it's not right. Allison: It doesn't - it doesn't mean anything. Scott: But it feels like it does. Allison: Scott, go. Go. Scott: Okay. Lydia: Hello? Peter: Over here. Lydia: Is this your house? Peter: It was. I'll tell you all about it. But first - did you bring the flower? Lydia: I couldn't find it. Peter: That's okay. But since you don't have it, I'm gonna need that kiss. Peter: Is - Something wrong? Derek: Hold her up. Stiles: Is she dying? Derek: She might, I - which is why this is gonna hurt. Stiles: You broke her arm! Derek: It'll trigger the healing process. I still gotta get the venom out. This is where it's really gonna hurt. Erica: Stiles - you make a good Batman. Scott: You know who it is. Derek: Jackson. Scott: You just wanted Erica to confirm it, didn't you? I'm gonna help you stop him. As part of your pack. If you want me in, fine. But we'll do it on one condition. We're gonna catch him, not kill him. Derek: And? Scott: And we do it my way. Melissa: Thank you, Jenny. Thanks, you guys. I appreciate it. Jessica: Please - you have to tell 'em. Melissa: It's okay, the baby's fine. Jessica: Not - The baby. Melissa: Okay. Jessica: He killed Sean. Melissa: Honey, the police know. Jessica: They don't - They didn't see it. It wasn't human. Melissa: Okay. All right. Jessica: Please - no - Peter: I'm so sorry, Lydia. All of this must be terribly confusing. But at least you know that you're not actually crazy. Well - not completely. There's bound to be some residual effects, but you're a strong girl. Personally I think that you're gonna pull through with a minimal amount of post traumatic stress. And maybe - a few years of profoundly disturbing nightmares. I had a plan, you know. It was a good plan. But if there's one thing that I've learned in life, it's to always have a backup. That would be you. Your immunity makes you a perfect plan b. You wouldn't turn from the bite. You wouldn't die. But you would be able to do - One very important thing. Do you know what that is, Lydia? Lydia!
doc_182	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] PEYTON : You saved me. BROOKE : You saved me, too. NATHAN : I borrowed some money from these guys, so they asked me to shave a few points in the last game. JIMMY : Everyone get away from the door. MOUTH : Oh, Jimmy, what did you do? JIMMY : Go. DAN : What are you doing here, Lucas? LUCAS : I don't think Jimmy killed Keith. DAN : Keith's dead, okay? He's not coming back. Open your eyes. KEITH : Open your eyes, Luke. Open your eyes. LUCAS : Hey, Skills. You know this girl? SKILLS : Yeah, that's Abby. She was in the tutor center. Jimmy let her go. OUTSIDE ABBY BROWN'S HOUSE It follows the end of the last episode, Lucas knocks at the door LUCAS (voiceover) : Sometimes, I wonder if anything is absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong... good and bad... truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable... left to interpretation, gray? LADY : Who is it? LUCAS : My name's Lucas Scott. I was wondering if I may talk to Abby. LADY : There's no Abby here. You have the wrong address. LUCAS : Well, no, no, no! I was just... (She shuts the door) LUCAS : Thanks for nothing. (Lucas leaves but looks upstairs and see someone behind the curtains) LUCAS (voiceover) : Sometimes, we're forced to bend the truth... transform it... because we're faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes... things simply catch up to us. OUTSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Whitey arrives in his car, reporters are waiting for him REPORTER : Coach Durham, can you address the allegations of point-shaving and illegal activity within the Ravens? WHITEY : Look, I'm gonna say this one time and one time only. This is the best group of boys I've had in 35 years of coaching. These are not cheaters. They're champions... every one of them. RIVERCOURT Nathan and Haley are sitting on the table NATHAN : There's only three things I'm afraid of losing in this world, Haley... you, our son, and the game. HALEY : How bad will it get if they find out about you and Daunte? NATHAN : They'll take my scholarship for sure. And I probably won't play anywhere... ever. THE APARTMENT Peyton is taking a shower and she suddenly has vision of Derek. OUTSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Brooke is arriving at school, Chase shoves her CHASE : Sorry. BROOKE : It's fine. CHASE : Hey, Brooke. I heard about that stalker thing. I tried calling you, but I never heard back. BROOKE : Yeah, it's... Where's your Clean-Teen T-shirt? CHASE : Things change, you know? BROOKE : Yeah, I know. (She leaves) INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Peyton is in front of her locker, Brooke joins her BROOKE : Hey. Do I have any blood on me? PEYTON : No, why? BROOKE : 'Cause I just saw Chase, and it feels like I got my heart ripped out. PEYTON : I think you'll be okay. Do I look insane? BROOKE : No, why? PEYTON : I saw him again. This time in the shower. BROOKE : Peyton, you got to stop doing this to yourself, okay? Fake psycho Derek... whatever the hell his name is... he's locked up. You know that. PEYTON : Yeah, that's what they said last time... or what he said. I don't know. Maybe if I just see it with my own eyes that he's actually behind bars... BROOKE : Maybe. Come on. (They start walking and Peyton has a vision of Derek again) PEYTON : Hey... You know what, I'm gonna have to catch up with you, okay? BROOKE : Okay. INSIDE PRISON Peyton comes to see Derek in his cell DEREK : Hi, baby. I knew you'd come. Well, they said that you wouldn't, but... I knew that you would. PEYTON : I want to know why. Why me? Why did you pick me? DEREK : You love me. PEYTON : No. I don't. I hate you. Don't you get that? You're just a deranged, pathetic psycho, and I never, ever want to see you again, okay? DEREK : Then why'd you come? Have I been in your head? You asked me to come into your life, Peyton. You got undressed in front of your webcam because you knew it would make me want you. You posted those pictures online. PEYTON : You are wrong. DEREK : Am I? Is that why you're dressed like that today? Are you a tease, Peyton? Dressing sexy... wearing that perfume, making me... ache for you, and then saying no? PEYTON : Stop. DEREK : Are you a tease, Peyton? Because that would really be disappointing. PEYTON : I did not do this. You did this. (She leaves) DEREK : No, you did this! You did this to me, Peyton! It's all your fault! You did this to me! You did this! Tease! DAN'S HOUSE Dan is looking at his gun and hides it when Nathan walks in NATHAN : Thought you'd look a lot worse, considering the walls are closing in. DAN : What do you mean? NATHAN : The point-shaving, dad. DAN : Right. What are you hearing? NATHAN : Nothing. You think it's Bear? DAN : No, no. If it was Bear, he'd have pointed them right to us. Sounds like the whispers of someone who lost a lot of money but isn't close enough to know the details. NATHAN : They're asking questions about Lucas now, and it's not right. He only missed those free throws because of me. DAN : Okay. But that's the only time I ever want to hear you say that out loud. Look, first, you won the state championship and every postseason game that Lucas played in, so they're grasping at straws. NATHAN : You don't think it's serious? DAN : No, it's serious... because if they find proof, your future's in jeopardy. But I don't think they're gonna find any proof. NATHAN : So, what do I do? DAN : You stay cool. Deny everything. And pray no one uncovers the truth. ABBY BROWN'S HOUSE Lucas is watching from his car. When the mother leaves, he goes inside the house and find Abby LUCAS : I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I... I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't mean to scare you. My name's Lucas Scott. We... We go to school together at Tree Hill. Do you know me? (Abby shakes her head) LUCAS : My uncle was Keith Scott, and I know that you were in the tutor center that day, and I know that Jimmy let you go. So... Listen... I have to know what you saw, Abby. Okay? You got to tell me. Did Jimmy Edwards... kill Keith? (Abby shakes her head) (Then her mother enters the room) ABBY'S MOM : What is this? What the hell is this? LUCAS : Look, Mrs. Brown, I can exp... ABBY'S MOM : Get out. Get the hell out of my house, or I'll call the police! LUCAS : And tell them what, huh? That your daughter knows the truth about my uncle's death? ABBY'S MOM : Your uncle was Keith Scott? I'm very sorry for you, but my daughter has been traumatized since then. She hasn't been to school. Her life has become very difficult, and that is why I lied to you last night. LUCAS : Listen, Abby told me that Jimmy Edwards didn't kill my uncle Keith. ABBY'S MOM : Did she? Honey, is your name Abby? (Abby shakes her head) ABBY'S MOM : Am I your mother? (Abby shakes her head) ABBY'S MOM : Are you sure? (Abby shakes her head again) ABBY'S MOM : Now, I'm very sorry for your loss. That day changed all of us... and none of us for the better. But I'd like you to leave. And Lucas, don't come back. Abby has been through enough. INSIDE LUCAS'S BEDROOM Haley is waiting, Lucas enters LUCAS : Hey. HALEY : Hey. LUCAS : Jeez, you look worse than I do. HALEY : Yeah. Um, listen, uh, the thing is that, uh... Nathan said this whole gambling thing's just gonna go away, and I don't real know, uh, how much I believe that, and I just wanted to know what you thought ... if you think that he's right or... or do you think he's right? LUCAS : No. It's not going away. HALEY : 'Cause he said that they're just focusing on you, and then they're not gonna find anything, and nothing's gonna happen. LUCAS : Yeah, but, see, that's the problem. You know, yeah, I mean, I missed a couple free throws, but I'm a sub. I played half a season, 15 minutes a night. No gambler's gonna build a point-shaving scheme around a reserve. HALEY : Okay, so, what is gonna happen, then? LUCAS : Well, I think that after they're done looking at me, that they're gonna start taking a look at Nathan. I hate to say it, Hales, but when they do... it's gonna end up really bad. HALEY : Okay. Okay, um... How bad is... is really bad? LUCAS : Well, Nathan's not gonna go to jail. But he's not gonna go to Duke, either. THE APARTMENT Peyton is sleeping but she is awake by Derek's voice DEREK (voiceover): It's all your fault! (She turns her head and sees a vision of Derek right beside her) DEREK : Tease. (Brooke enters the room) BROOKE : Peyton? Hey, what's wrong? PEYTON : I went to see him. BROOKE : Who? Oh, no. Derek? PEYTON : Ian. His name is Ian. BROOKE : I know. PEYTON : You do? (Brooke take a field from a drawer) BROOKE : Been hiding these from you. There's been a lot of articles about the attack. PEYTON : I thought you were clipping coupons. BROOKE : I know, honey, but I hate coupons. (They ear the front door opening) PEYTON : Did you leave the front door unlocked? BROOKE : No. (They look scared and Haley enters the room) HALEY : I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I have a key. I... I didn't know if you were sleeping. Sorry. BROOKE : It's okay. You locked the door, right? HALEY : Yes, I did. PEYTON : I used to love my room, and he took it from me. Psycho Derek. It's like I... I really thought if we just fought back, like, if we attacked our attacker, that he would go away, but he hasn't. HALEY : It's really gonna take some time, Peyton. You guys went through something really traumatic. PEYTON : Yeah, but what if you have finals and you can't sleep and you don't have time? BROOKE : Well, then, hopefully, you have a friend who's gonna tell you that life kicks you around sometimes. It... It scares you, and it beats you up. But... there's a day when you realize that you're not just a survivor. You're a warrior. You're tougher than anything it throws your way. And you are, Peyton. You are. And so are you, Hales. HALEY : Thank you. And so are you, Brooke. BROOKE : Thanks. BROOKE (to Peyton) : Come here. OUTSIDE WHITEY'S HOUSE Lucas knocks at the door WHITEY : I was hoping for a booty call. LUCAS : Sorry, coach. WHITEY : What's so important it can't wait till a decent hour? LUCAS : It's the investigation. It was me. I missed those free throws in the semifinals on purpose, and I just wanted you to hear it from me before I hold a press conference tomorrow. I'm sorry, coach. WHITEY : You know, I only took a chance on you because Keith asked me to. LUCAS : I know. WHITEY : He would be ashamed of you right now... just like I am. (Whitey shuts the door) [SCENE_BREAK] RIVERCOURT Nathan is playing alone when Whitey arrives WHITEY : Keeping in shape? NATHAN : Yes, sir. WHITEY : Duke's gonna be pretty rough, especially if you're not in shape. NATHAN : Yes, sir. WHITEY : So, there's, uh... some reporters asking questions about, uh... gambling... point-shaving... that kind of thing. You know anything about that? NATHAN : No, sir. WHITEY : Well, your brother's name's not going to be worth a damn when this whole thing comes down. NATHAN : What do you mean? Lucas didn't do anything wrong. WHITEY : Not what he says. NATHAN : What? INSIDE LUCAS' HOUSE Lucas is watching a picture of Keith when Nathan enters the house NATHAN : What the hell is wrong with you? LUCAS : You're welcome. NATHAN : Screw that, Luke. We said we weren't gonna say anything. We agreed. LUCAS : So what? NATHAN : So what did you do? LUCAS : I went and saved your stupid ass so you could play college basketball and have everything you've ever dreamed about. NATHAN : You know what? That's a bunch of crap. We could have beat this thing, man. LUCAS : Sounds like you're feeling a little guilty to me. NATHAN : Yeah, of course I'm feeling guilty, but you shouldn't have said anything to Whitey, man. That was a stupid thing to do. LUCAS : You know what? I don't care. I'm not going to college to play basketball anyway. It doesn't matter. NATHAN : It doesn't matter that for the rest of time, people are gonna talk? They're gonna say you disgraced the game, Luke. That doesn't matter to you? LUCAS : Let them say what they want to say about me. It's what they say about Jimmy Edwards. That matters to me. And what they say about Keith. But this? At least I know the truth about this. NATHAN : Peyton thinks I'm a martyr. I can't stop this, Luke. I just... I'm this close, man, and I got the baby. I can't. You shouldn't have said anything. THE APARTMENT Brooke opens the curtains to awake Peyton PEYTON : What's going on? BROOKE : It's a new day. Move your scrawny butt. I checked the shower, and psycho Ian's not in there, so you need to be, because, no offense, you're kind of rank. PEYTON : Thanks a lot. BROOKE : Well, I just call them likeI smell them. Choppity-Choppity. PEYTON : What are you doing? BROOKE : I told you. We're warriors. We kicked that idiot's psychotic ass, so a new day dawns, P. Sawyer. PEYTON : Yeah, but when I went to go see him... Brooke, he said I led him on... that I led him on with, like, my podcasts and my webcam and the way that I dress. BROOKE : Peyton. So you're saying that every girl who wears a little bit of lipstick and a short skirt is asking to be assaulted and raped? PEYTON : No, of course not, but... I did give him full access to my life, and now he knows all this stuff about me. And he uses it, you know? He uses it to get in. BROOKE : Okay. Then it's time we start learning a little bit about him. Get up and fight, warrior. And take a shower. GUN ROOM CLERK : Just the ammo today, sir? DAN : Yeah, just the ammo. CLERK : The only reason I ask is, we just got this baby in today. .45 automatic, and if you've got your handgun permit, you can be shooting her today. (Dan hold the gun and start aiming, then a little girl sees him, she get scared and drops the doll she was holding) CLERK : How'd that feel? THE APARTMENT Brooke and Peyton are looking on the computer BROOKE : Jeez. Who knew there were so many Ian Banks? PEYTON : Maybe we should add "stalker" to the search. BROOKE : Really. PEYTON : So, where's your head at with Chase these days? BROOKE : I don't know. I think about him a lot. You know how it is. Start wondering if he ever thinks about me, and if he does, is it the same? Did he leave 'cause of the videotape, or was he just looking for an out? You know... same old self-doubt. Oh, wow. This is him. He's not from St. Flora. He's from Texas. PEYTON : What? BROOKE : Oh, my god. His girlfriend looks just like you, if you... PEYTON : If I what? BROOKE : If you were dead. ABBY BROWN'S HOUSE Abby comes to see her mom ABBY : I want to tell someone, mom. ABBY'S MOM : Abby. ABBY : I'm tired of lying about what I saw, and I'm tired of hiding out and pretending I'm crazy. I want to go back to school, mom. ABBY'S MOM : Honey, you can't. As soon as I make enough money, we'll go someplace different. We will, but for now, we have to do it this way. ABBY : Why? ABBY'S MOM : Because I say so. That's why. ABBY : So what, then? We just hide from our lives? ABBY'S MOM : At least we have lives. ABBY : Not really, mom. And you might be afraid of this, but I'm not. ABBY'S MOM : Abby. Abby. Abby! (Abby starts leaving and opens the front door. Dan is there) ABBY'S MOM : You need to get out of here. DAN : I want to talk to you. ABBY'S MOM : I said get out! DAN : Calm down! Just shut up! Will you shut up?! Just... Okay, look. I need you to sit down. Just... Just go sit down. (They go to the couch) DAN : Sit down. You're Abby Brown. Look, I don't know what you think you might have seen. ABBY'S MOM :She didn't see anything. DAN : Shut up! Just... You made a mistake. ABBY : No. I saw you. I saw everything. ABBY'S MOM :Abby. She's not well. ABBY : I know what you did. And so do you. DAN : My brother Keith was always better than me. He had a better heart. People liked him more. No, they loved him. Karen loved him. But... Karen was mine. She was supposed to be mine. ABBY'S MOM :She was just a girl who went to school that day. She's just a girl. ABBY : I hope you burn in hell. DAN : So do I. (Dan put the little girl's doll on the table and leaves) INSIDE PRISON Peyton and Brooke come visiting Derek/Ian IAN : Well, if it isn't tease one and tease two. Did you come back for another kiss? BROOKE : Not really, Derek. Or should I call you "Ian"? Yeah, we know your real name. Actually, we know a lot of things about you. We spoke to all your teachers at the Alton Academy and the girls you used to date. IAN : You don't know anything about me. PEYTON : Really? Susanna Gold ring a bell? You know, a lot of teenage boys have performance anxiety. IAN : I know a lot of teenage girls who are teases, too. BROOKE : Is that really the best that you've got? 'Cause we have a lot more than some podcasts and a few webcam photos, Ian Banks. IAN : Whatever. BROOKE : Boyfriend of Maggie Watterson. Or should I say former boyfriend? IAN : You shut your mouth, you whore. PEYTON : Hey, what happened to Maggie, Ian? IAN : I don't know what you're talking about. BROOKE : Really? 'Cause the accident... you were driving. It was prom night. IAN : No, it wasn't my fault! PEYTON : What happened, Ian? Ian? IAN : We were just messing around... driving fast. My father never let me drive that car. He loved that car. PEYTON : The road was slippery. You lost control. IAN : I tried to wake her up. There was just... blood. There was just so much blood. Her parents said it was my fault. They... They all said it. PEYTON : I can't be Maggie, Ian. I'm not Maggie. IAN : We were gonna be together forever. She loved me. She... She trusted me. BROOKE : She forgives you. PEYTON : She forgives you... I forgive you, too. IAN : I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. (Ian starts crying) PEYTON : I'm not gonna be seeing you anymore. You're not gonna see us, either... ever. Ever. Goodbye, Ian. I hope you find peace. SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley and Nathan are in bed. NATHAN : We talked about not saying anything. Lucas... he was supposed to do nothing. HALEY : He's really just trying to help out. NATHAN : It's just so Lucas, you know? Trying to be the hero. I'm not gonna feel guilty about it. Nobody asked him to do this. HALEY : That's not exactly true. He's doing this for me because I asked him to. And if you're not gonna feel guilty about it, then I sure as hell will, because he is my best friend and he's your brother and he's doing this for all of us. For you and me and our son, and, um... it just really sucks. NATHAN : Damn it. I'm sorry, Hales. I'm sorry I put us through this. I'm sorry I made you ask Lucas to take the blame. I'm sorry I've been so weak about all this. HALEY : You are about to make every dream you've had come true. Everybody understands that. NATHAN : No, it's not worth it. I mean, what the hell was I thinking? We're gonna be parents soon. What would we want our son to do? What would make us proud? And what am I gonna say to him someday when he asks about this? That I was Dan? That I put what I wanted in front of everything else? HALEY : Nathan... you're gonna lose it all... your scholarship, the game that you love. NATHAN : I won't lose it all. I'll still have you, and we'll still have our son... and we'll have that feeling that in the face of all this, we didn't lose our way. We still know right from wrong. HALEY : I'm just... scared for you. I love you for this, but... but it's just not... it's not my dream that's dying. It's yours. NATHAN : It's gonna be hard. I know that, but... the people I admire are the people that carve a life for themselves after their dream dies. My father could never get past it, Hales. He could never let go of what he wanted when he was 17... and look what it did to him. LUCAS' BEDROOM Lucas is dreaming of him a the rivercourt, seeing Abby ABBY (voiceover) : Open your eyes, Lucas. Open your eyes. (He wakes up and Abby is there, in his room) LUCAS : Abby? ABBY : I need to talk to you. I know what my mom said, and I'm sorry she lied, but I need to tell you some things. LUCAS : You were hiding in the hallway. (We start seeing some flashbacks from the shooting episode) ABBY : I got scared, and I ran, but I was worried about the others and Jimmy, too. I saw it in his eyes when he let me go. He was just scared, too. LUCAS : You came back. And what happened after that? Huh? Abby? Come on, you got to tell me. Please. ABBY : Your uncle Keith... he tried to help Jimmy. (KEITH : Please. ) ABBY : But he couldn't. And Jimmy... LUCAS : Jimmy what? Jimmy what? (KEITH : No!) LUCAS : Was my uncle Keith still alive when Jimmy shot himself? (Abby nods) LUCAS : Who shot him, Abby? ABBY : I thought once he realized someone knew the truth, he'd come forward, so I stalked him with messages and threats. I thought he'd turn himself in. I thought I'd be safe. But he found me. LUCAS : Who?! Who killed... Who killed my uncle? ABBY : Your father. It was your father... Dan Scott. He killed Keith. He was there... and he picked up the gun... and you know I'm right, don't you? You know it in your heart. LUCAS : You have to come forward. You got to tell somebody, Abby. (She starts leaving) LUCAS : Abby, you have to tell somebody! ABBY : I did. I told you. I'm sorry. (She leaves) TREE HILL HIGH The reporters are there for the press conference. Nathan comes to see Whitey, in private NATHAN : Coach. WHITEY : I don't know how you can look your brother in the eye, Nathan. This is a damn disgrace. NATHAN : Coach, I lied to you on the River Court yesterday and during the playoffs. It wasn't Lucas. WHITEY : I know. NATHAN : I'm sorry. WHITEY : So am I... more than you'll ever know. (Whitey leaves) Haley joins Nathan, they walk together outside to the press conference. Lucas is in the audience NATHAN : When I was 2 years old, I made my first basket. When I was 6, basketball went from being a game to a sport. Since then, I've played 7,072 official minutes... probably 20,000 or 30,000 unofficial. But for 32 minutes this season, over the course of two games, I did not compete to the best of my ability. I regret this. And I regret that the fear of losing the opportunity to continue playing the game that I've always loved prevented me from standing up and taking full responsibility for this sooner. I apologize to my coach and to my teammates and to all the kids who look up to me... especially to the kids. And while I never lost a game on purpose, the truth is still the truth. And you can spin it and shade it and bend it, but there's still right and wrong, and I was wrong. And the truth is, I've forsaken a game that's always been incredibly good to me and teammates that have been like brothers... and a brother that was a teammate. To my coach... my wife... my father, and my family, I apologize for the burden I know this will bring. I know that the integrity of the game cannot be compromised. I regret that my own integrity was not as steadfast. I'm deeply remorseful for the choices I've made, but I will accept whatever consequences there might be. I love this game. I'm sorry I betrayed it. THE APARTMENT Peyton enters the room. The walls are paint in red and there are Peyton's music albums on the shelves. PEYTON : Brooke... BROOKE : You loved your room, Peyton. And, maybe, like you said, that's been taken from you, but we're gonna take it back. We're gonna take everything back. LUCAS' HOUSE Dan enters Lucas' empty bedroom. Then Karen sees him. KAREN : Dan? DAN : I've done some horrible things. Unforgivable things. Lucas didn't need a father. He had one. He had a person who helped him erase the shame of my cowardice. Everything I've touched, I've diminished... Deb's life, Nathan's talent. Keith. KAREN : You're... you're not without redemption. I've... I've seen it. I see it. DAN : That's not true. That's not true. I just want to... I want to go back, you know? I just want to go back. I... I want to take that little kid that I used to be and just grab him and shake him and say, "You stop. Stop! Just stop!" I want to wake up from this nightmare. I... I want to breathe again. I want to... I want to breathe again, Karen. Can you help me breathe? Can you help me quiet these voices in my head that tell me I've lost you? Because I know that I have. If only I would have stayed with you. Lucas comes home and find Karen and Dan kissing. LUCAS (voiceover) : Truth is still absolute. Believe that... even when that truth s hard and cold and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth... is more cruel than any lie.
doc_183	(Continuing. Sydney walks out of the meeting, goes down a hallway. Jack comes out and runs after her.) JACK: Sydney! Wait! (She turns around. They stand in the hallway.) JACK: You can't lose control over this. SYDNEY: You know what, Dad? This is not the best time to start lecturing me. JACK: I know how this feels. SYDNEY: Not exactly. You've had a lot longer to make sense of this than I have. JACK: There was a time when this was news to me, too. Your mother was sent to the United States to steal secrets from a ranking officer of the C.I.A. How she and I happened to meet, how she supposedly fell in love, I thought it was all true. But it was just a set-up. SYDNEY: Even her wanting to have a family? Was that just part of the plan, too? (Jack doesn't say anything. Sydney leaves.) (In her house, Sydney looks through her hat box full of pictures and memories. She sees the newspaper article about her mother and the FBI agent dying in the car accident. Takes out a framed picture. She finally finds the picture of Sydney as a little girl and her mother.) SYDNEY: (voice over) There's something that happens when you discover the truth about someone. I know a little about this. (She wads up the picture in a little ball.) SYDNEY: (voice over) The truth changes everything. (She throws it in the fire.) (In the self-storage facility, Sydney talks to Vaughn.) SYDNEY: There's this woman, her personality like a collage I've put tlogether from the photographs, the few memories I have, scraps of stories I've heard, the clothes of hers I've got... her books. And none of it's real. She wasn't that woman at all. She was... she was a horrible person... who killed your father. (She stands in front of him, crying.) SYDNEY: Vaughn, I just wanted to say... that I'm so sorry. (He hugs her and cradles her head against his shoulder while she cries.) (Credit Dauphine parking garage. A van with 'McTiernan Air Conditioning' written on the side drives up. The driver stops at the security gate and wires it up to a machine he has that unlocks the gate. The gate doors open and the van goes inside. They stop once they're inside and cut the wires of a surveillance camera.) (Inside the control room, two agents sit and watch the various camera angles.) AGENT1: We've lost coverage on the off-site garage. AGENT2: Any signs of forced entry? AGENT1: Negative from gate control. I'll check it out. AGENT2: Hey, while you're at it, grab me a black coffee, will you? Two sugars. (Agent1 leaves.) (In the parking garage, McTiernan gang starts welding off the air vent. Inside the van, the rest of the goons start packing their guns and loading them. Agent1 walks in the garage and sees the van. He talks on his transmitter to his buddy from control.) AGENT1: You know about any AC repairs? AGENT2: Negative. (The goons have already started to make their way inside the building using the air conditioning vents. Agent1 pulls his gun out. Near the van, one of the goons comes behind him and hits him over the head. Agent1 falls to the ground.) (Back in the self-storage facility.) SYDNEY: I don't want this job anymore. VAUGHN: Sydney, that's why you're doing what you do. You're helping to bring an end to SD-6. SYDNEY: Not anymore. VAUGHN: Sydney-- SYDNEY: I need someone in my life to be real. VAUGHN: This right here. What we do is real. SYDNEY: Look where we are. I mean, this isn't real. This isn't what we should be doing. I want out. VAUGHN: Out? (Sydney nods.) VAUGHN: You want to enter the protection program. SYDNEY: No. I'm not going into hiding. VAUGHN: If you don't, Sloane will kill you. SYDNEY: I don't think he will. (She stands up, hesitant.) SYDNEY: You like hockey, right? The Kings? VAUGHN: Yeah, how'd you-- SYDNEY: The pen you keep in your briefcase. It's a Kings pen. VAUGHN: Yeah, I got that-- SYDNEY: They're playing the Islanders next week. We should go. (Vaughn brightens with hope. Then his face falls as he realizes what she's doing.) VAUGHN: Sydney, you can't do this. (Will's desk at the newspaper. He has his headphones on. Jenny stops at his desk.) JENNY: Okay, here's the appeal filed by McNeils' lawyer last year and I found out that SD-6 is an ingredient in artificial sweetener, but that's probably not the SD-6 you're talking about. WILL: Is my voice annoying? JENNY: Your voice? WILL: Yeah. I was just going over this interview with Eloise Kurtz and I started thinking about McNeil. How he had this look in his eyes when I was interviewing him. His lawyer the same thing. Just... trying to get away from me. JENNY: Will, you're a journalist for God's sake. You get paid to be annoying. WILL: So you're saying I'm annoying? JENNY: Not to Danny or Eloise Kurtz. WILL: Oh, so I don't annoy dead people? JENNY: Will, you're their champion. WILL: What am I doing if I'm hurting the people I'm writing about? Look, if I could bring back Danny Hecht and Eloise Kurtz, I would, but I just... I can't. And if championing them is going to cause David McNeil's daughter to be in danger, I can't live with that. I don't think I can do this anymore. This SD-6 story. I'm out. (The goons burst through the vent and make it to a hallway off of another hallway where red security beams are illuminated. The female goon - FGOON - has a heart beat detector in her hands. It beeps, and an agent comes into view.) FGOON: We're right on time. (He checks the corridor. The security red beams go off. They bust in. One of them breaks the agent's neck. They run through the hallway while the beams aren't there. The lead goon - Cole - motions for one of the last goons to hurry up as the red beams start appearing from the back, coming up. Not enough time left, the last goon slides down the rest of the hallway and makes it. Cole strips off his jumpsuit while FGOON pours him a cup of coffee from a thermos. Underneath the jumpsuit, Cole is wearing a suit. He takes a swig of coffee and spreads his arms out.) COLE: How do I look? (In the parking garage, Sydney drives up in her SUV. She takes out a card and slides it into the security panel that the goons had unlocked with their machine earlier. She passes through and the gate doors buzz and then open. She drives through.) (In SD-6, Cole walks through. Nobody recognizes because, since he's wearing a suit, he blends right in. Cole walks by Sloane's office. Inside the office, Sloane is on the phone, rubbing his temples.) SLOANE: Yes, will you get me my wife's doctor on the phone please? (He looks at monitor on his desk. It's a security camera monitor. He sees Cole walk by. The monitor scans for facial recognition. Sloane's face freezes because he knows who he is.) VOICE: Dr. Medlesohn is on line one. (Sloane stares as the security monitor scans through the files, trying to identify Cole.) VOICE: Sir? (Sloane isn't paying attention. He stares at the monitor.) VOICE: Sir? (In the garage, Sydney parks her SUV and gets out. She sees the McTiernan van. The driver leers at her.) DRIVER: Hey there, beautiful! Why don't you turn that frown upside down? (She doesn't run over there and kick his ass. She keeps walking. Pissed, the driver takes out his gun and puts the silencer and laser on. He points the gun at Sydney while she walks away, into SD-6. The red beam of light is aimed right on her head. She walks, having no idea. Suddenly, tires screech and he puts the gun away. Sydney turns. Jack pulls up and gets out of his car, running after her.) JACK: Sydney! Sydney! (He catches up to her. She keeps walking to the elevator.) JACK: This is suicide! SYDNEY: I don't think it is. JACK: What exactly is your exit strategy? Politely asking Sloane to let you out of SD-6? SYDNEY: Based on Sloane's behavior toward me -- protecting me at Donatti Park, asking Rusik to get me to talk-- JACK: Sloane answers to people. People who don't know you or care about you. If he lets you go, those people will kill him and you. (She goes inside the elevator. He follows.) (Sloane still has the phone up to his ear as he waits for the security panel to indentify Cole. A picture flashes up on the screen: McKenas Cole.) SLOANE: Cole. (He presses a button on his desk with his finger. The monitor flashes "FAILSAFE ACTIVATED".) (In the elevator.) JACK: Those people Sloane works for - the alliance - if they believe you've abandoned them, they will kill anyone they think you have talked to. Your roommate Francie. That reporter friend. Anyone. (Control room. Agent2 is still by the monitors, waiting for his coffee. Cole enters behind him, holding a gun.) AGENT2: Let me guess. You forgot the two sugars. (He turns around. Cole shoots him twice. In his office, Sloane scrambles for the phone and calls the control room. Cole answers the phone.) SLOANE: We have a physical breach! Start lockdown procedures now! COLE: Sure thing, Arvin. Whatever you say. (Cole hangs up.) (Elevator.) SYDNEY: I felt this way before I found out about my mother. This life has to stop. (Instead, the elevator stops and the lights go out.) (Inside SD-6, Dixon looks up as gas starts hissing down from the ceiling vents. Agents start to pass out around him. In his office, Marshall sees the gas coming down and covers his mouth with his sweater vest. Making two or three steps, he falls to the ground beside his inflatable chair. Out in the main part of SD-6, more agents fall to the ground. Dixon falls. In Sloane's office, a vent of gas is pouring down right on top of Sloane. He's slumped over his desk, his head down.) (In the elevator, the lights come back on. Jack tries the phone.) JACK: Dead. But a blackout wouldn't shut down security. (At the newspaper, specifically in the bathroom, Will flushes a urinal, takes off his glasses, and washes his hands at the sink. His cell phone rings.) WILL: Tippin. DISTORTED VOICE: Go to your desk. WILL: I'm off the story. DISTORTED VOICE: Leave the bathroom and then go to your desk. (Will looks around all, "How the hell did they know I was in the bathroom?" He comes out near his desk and looks around for anyone suspicious lurking about. A yellow manila envelope sits on his desk chair. The telephone rings at his desk, but Jenny rushes in and answers it.) JENNY: Will Tippin's office. Um, yeah, he's right here. (She passes the phone to him.) JENNY: Some guy. Totally nasal. Clips on the housing story, Litvack wants two thousand words by noon tomorrow. (She walks out.) WILL: Hello? DISTORTED VOICE: There is something inside the envelope that will make McNeil talk. WILL: I don't want to make him talk. DISTORTED VOICE: You said you didn't scare easily. WILL: Well, if you're so brave, why don't you lose the voice box and tell me your name? (Silence.) WILL: Don't call me again. (He hangs up, and throws out the envelope in his nearby garbage can.) (Cole and his goons, wearing gas masks, walk in SD-6 with various guns. The gas stops. Cole takes off his mask and looks around.) COLE: Five minutes ahead. Get 'em wrapped up, baby! (FGOON starts tying up everyone's hands while they're unconscious. Cole looks to another guy with a gun.) COLE: Chopper, secure the elevator. You got the scanning room door code? CHOPPER: Got it! (Cole approaches FGOON who is at a computer typing.) COLE: You jammin'? FGOON: I'm jammin'. (He kisses her head.) (Vaughn's office. He's twirling a silver dollar in between his fingers over and over again. Weiss enters.) WEISS: Want to get a pizza? That new place? VAUGHN: Ah, no thanks. (Weiss comes in and looks at Vaughn, silently telling him to just tell him what's up.) VAUGHN: Sydney wants to quit SD-6... which she knows she just can't do. (Weiss nods.) VAUGHN: It's a weird thing. You know, when you're learning how your father died. I... it's always been this intellectual idea I had, knowing he died, just not having any details. WEISS: You really want some space, or are you and I going to go get drunk? 'Cause there's this bar, you won't even remember it tomorrow. (They laugh. Vaughn's face falls when Haladki enters.) HALADKI: Hey, what a day, huh? VAUGHN: Why do you say that? HALADKI: Come on. Bristow's mom, your dad. It's not like a secret around here. Vaughn, that really sucks. WEISS: Well put. HALADKI: You know what? I think Barnett's gonna be good for you. VAUGHN: I'm not seeing Barnett. HALADKI: Oh, yeah you are! She wants to see you. I mean, come on. You're Bristow's handler. You find out her mom killed your dad? She's a shrink, she lives for crisis management! I think she'll be good for you. I like thick crust, in case you wanted me to come. WEISS: Oh, hey, we don't. (He leaves.) VAUGHN: Did you know about Barnett? (Weiss shakes his head. Vaughn sighs.) (In the elevator.) SYDNEY: Still can't get a signal. JACK: Whoever's doing that could be jamming the frequencies. (Elevator starts.) JACK: Emergency lockdown procedures. (He hits a button.) JACK: The elevator is returning to SD-6. The doors will automatically open. (He gives Sydney a knowing look.) (Out in the white area where the agents stand to get cleared by security outside the elevator, Chopper stands in front of the elevator with a gun pointed, ready to shoot whoever's inside the elevator. The bell dings. No one's there. Sydney and Jack are on top of the elevator, looking down.) CHOPPER: Elevator secure. (Jack and Sydney climb down the stairs from the elevator shaft and jump down. Jack takes out his gun. They walk down the hallway, getting to a door. Jack comes out, gun in hand. Sydney next. She closes the door. Jack comes around a corner with Sydney and sees the agent that was punching in the code in the red beam hallway, dead. The red beams are up. Jack and Sydney go in the hallway and he punches in a code. The red beams disappear.) JACK: The advantages of high-level clearance. Let's go. (Jack and Sydney enter an underground control room. There are cables and monitors and some sheets up on a wall. Jack starts tearing off the outside on the wires, getting to the core of them.) SYDNEY: How could K-Directorate overpower fifty trained agents? JACK: If K-Directorate attacks SD-6, they know SD-6 will return the favor. This team that's invaded SD-6, isn't working with any organization we know. My guess is they're working for a group, clearly unpredictable and dangerous. Hand me that cable. (She does.) JACK: Now plug it in. (They hook up a nearby monitor to the camera wires. Jack starts flicking through the wires, going from camera angle to camera angle. The conference room is empty, various rooms are empty.) JACK: There are six hundred cameras hidden through SD-6. (They finally spot the group of agents, everyone at SD-6, gathered together on the floor outside Sloane's office. They all have their arms tied behind their backs. A couple of men with guns watch them.) SYDNEY: Oh, my God. Look at that hardware. JACK: Latest military specs. SYDNEY: Extended magazines, compensators, laser sights... JACK: I see four. SYDNEY: There's a fifth. (Cole walks in. Dixon stares. Marshall looks scared. Sloane sits with everyone else, his back against the wall. Cole swaggers in, coming closer to Sloane.) COLE: I want to talk to you. That's the sick part. Catch up and stuff. You know, so much has happened in the last five years. This place... it hasn't changed. But you. You look... older. But that's good. Your hair... looks good. You know what the worst part is? Being left for dead in Grozny, Arvin? Well, you're going to learn the worst part. But another part that sucks is seeing guys you worked with, guys you thought were tougher than deer jerky, tortured to death. That's no good. The most ironical part for me is... we did the damn job. We blew that pipeline to hell first night we landed. But you know me, Arvin... [SCENE_BREAK] (In the control room, Sydney and Jack still watch.) SYDNEY: Do you know this guy? JACK: I know the operation. Sloane in '96 sent a team to Chechnya to destroy the Shelhemil pipeline. There were complications. The team was captured by the Russians. (Back to Cole.) COLE: And if that chopper had have been where the hell you know it should have been-- (He kicks an agent out of the way and sits down.) COLE: My whole life would have taken a different direction. SLOANE: What do you want? COLE: I got this really kick ass new job. See, I'm working for this gentleman they call The Man. And you will learn about The Man. What The Man wants is a certain little sumthin'-sumthin' you got in the SD-6 vault. SLOANE: Well, you initiated lockdown. Not only is the vault secure, the vault access room is locked now, too. COLE: Well, don't worry about the vault access room, we're taking care of that. What I need is the combination to the vault. (Sloane laughs. Cole laughs.) SLOANE: Not a chance. (Cole sits back and claps his hands a couple of times.) COLE: That's cool. (He stands up and kicks his chair he was sitting on. It slides across the room.) COLE: You still got that room downstairs, right? The "conversation room"? That's what you used to call it, right? The torture room's like you really got to admit what the hell you do down there. So, Arvin. Let's go to the conversation room! (Will's newspaper. He talks to Jenny.) WILL: Check this out. JENNY: Yeah? WILL: People victimized by the developer who's using his political connections to have their homes condemned by the city. Now we go in, shed a little light on this, protect the little guy and no one gets hurt. I'm going to go interview the developer right now. JENNY: No more McNeil? WILL: Nope. JENNY: Hmmm. Interesting. (She walks away. Will turns around and sees the envelope in his trash can. He shakes his head no and walks away.) (Dr. Barnett's office. Vaughn knocks and enters.) VAUGHN: Hi. BARNETT: Hi! VAUGHN: Michael Vaughn. We've met. BARNETT: I remember. Judy Barnett. Have a seat. VAUGHN: Thanks. (He sits down on the couch. She sits in her chair.) BARNETT: You got my voice mail? VAUGHN: Yeah, yeah. (pause) I just want you to know, I've got nothing against shrinks. BARNETT: Well, good. VAUGHN: But, I-I think this might be a waste of time. You wanted to see me because we've learned that Sydney Bristow's mother was a KGB operative who killed my father, among others. BARNETT: Yes. VAUGHN: Which is not ideal news, obviously, and yes, it's emotional, but I already knew he was killed and it happened almost twenty years ago. You know? So I really don't think I require crisis management. There's-there's no crisis. BARNETT: Everything you say to me I will keep confidential. (Vaughn seems to relax a little.) VAUGHN: Okay. (smiles) BARNETT: I wanted to talk to you about your relationship with Ms. Bristow. How often do you meet with Sydney? VAUGHN: Uh, a couple of times a week. Three or four sometimes. BARNETT: Only about operations? VAUGHN: Uh... we have met on occasion when Sydney wanted to talk to me about what was happening within SD-6 or regarding her father, when she believed he was a KGB agent and not her mother. BARNETT: You and Sydney... have a friendship? VAUGHN: She needs someone to talk to. I think you'd appreciate that. I'm the only person she can confide in. BARNETT: So you feel that your relationship with Ms. Bristow is fully appropriate, that it falls within the guidelines of agent and handler? VAUGHN: What are you asking me? BARNETT: I have gotten some reports about your behavior recently. VAUGHN: Reports from who? BARNETT: After the incident in Tuscany when you sent in an extraction team-- VAUGHN: Hey, hey, SD-6 issued an order to have Sydney killed! BARNETT: --to protect Sydney, I've been following your work. Mostly very good. VAUGHN: Thank you. That's very nice. BARNETT: Did you purchase a Christmas gift for Agent Bristow? (Pause. Vaughn looks around.) VAUGHN: Uh, I'm not familiar, Dr. Barnett, with the regulations preventing officers from celebrating with their co-workers, a fairly widely recognized holiday such as Christmas. BARNETT: May I ask you what the gift was? VAUGHN: I'd like you to tell me who's been reporting me. BARNETT: I can't tell you that. VAUGHN: Then I'm just going to have to guess. (Two guys, one who is called Endo, drill through the vault access room. Cole talks to them through a transmitter.) COLE: Endo! What's up? Where are we? I need status! ENDO: Almost done drilling. Then we'll start packing explosives. (Jack flicks from cam to cam.) JACK: Those other two. Where the hell did they go? (They see them in the vault room.) (Vault room.) ENDO: We should be in the vault within ten minutes! (Jack and Sydney.) SYDNEY: Ten minutes? What are they going for in the vault? JACK: Could be anything. Sloane was planning on sending you to Taiwan, did you know about that? SYDNEY: FTL acquired some scud launchers. He wanted me to scramble their launch codes. JACK: Marshall's working on a scrambling device for that op. Have you seen it? SYDNEY: He showed it to me last week. JACK: What does it look like? SYDNEY: Why? JACK: Sloane must have activated the emergency failsafe. There are five hundred pounds of C-4 strategically placed within the substructure of this building. Opening the vault will trigger that C-4. All underground levels will collapse, burying any evidence that the Los Angeles cell of SD-6 ever existed. SYDNEY: You want to scramble the vault codes. (Jack goes from camera to camera until he gets Marshall's office.) JACK: Can you see the scrambler in Marshall's office? SYDNEY: There it is. That compact on his desk. JACK: It's not far from his air vent. But getting into his office is too much of a risk. (Sydney sees a magnet on the wall in a shape of a fish. She gets it.) SYDNEY: So then... we fish for it. (Interrogation room where Sydney was when they thought she was the mole and where they killed Rusik. Sloane is strapped in. Cole puts on some Chapstick.) COLE: They took us to their base in Hankala. And after thirty-eight straight days of beatings, they finally got around to interrogating me. They took me into a room. They tied me to a chair. And they asked me questions about Islamic Rebels. They wanted to know where they were keeping Russian P.O.W.s and I told them, "I'm just a kid from Redondo Beach running black ops for Uncle Sam! Get it? I'm an American citizen." Well, that senior Russian officer - he didn't want any piece of that action. He had the KGB contact Langley through both front and back channels. And they never heard of me. They didn't know of any operative by the name of McKenas Cole. (Sloane smiles and looks away.) COLE: So when that Russian got off the phone, he was so pissed. He was so insane with rage. That was when he showed me this. Baby? (FGOON gets a long box from the bag on the counter and gives it to Cole.) (Jack is preparing to go in the air vent.) JACK: Watch the security feeds. If I'm caught, get out of the building through the elevator shaft as fast as you can. SYDNEY: Dad, wait. You're not doing this. JACK: Of course I am. What are you talking about? SYDNEY: No, you're not. You're going to have to crawl through a maze of air shafts, get to Marshall's office, get the scrambler, get to the vault room and scramble the code all in under ten minutes. I mean, no offense, but, Dad, I am doing this. (Pause. Jack relents.) JACK: You'll have to find your way to the vault. SYDNEY: I know. JACK: And use the scrambler. And stay low! SYDNEY: Dad, I know how to use the scrambler. I can't believe, of all things, we're saving SD-6. (She crawls in. He watches her go, listening as she bumps along the air vents. Jack puts his hand up the vent, looking worried for Sydney.) (Interrogation room. Cole holds the box.) COLE: Want to see what's inside? I know you do. I'll open it. Want me to? (Sloane looks away, bored.) COLE: You're going to give me the combination to the SD-6 vault and if you don't, I'm going to open this box. And Arvin, trust me when I tell you, you do not want me to open this box. (Restaurant. Will sits at a table, going over his notes when a girl about seventeen years old comes up to him. Her name's Kelly.) KELLY: Will Tippin? WILL: Yeah? KELLY: Oh, thank God. You're, like, the third guy I've introduced myself to. The maitre d's starting to give me an evil look. WILL: I'm sorry. Are you-are you with Carla D'Angelo's office? KELLY: Who? WILL: Car--the developer. The woman I'm supposed to meet here. KELLY: On my voice mail you said you were working on a story about my dad. WILL: Your dad? KELLY: Yeah. David McNeil? (Will's face falls. He blinks a few times.) WILL: I, uh... I never called you. You know, I don't know what you know-- KELLY: What happened with my father? I know everything. WILL: Yeah, well, we never talked. (He starts to get his things, scared.) KELLY: Okay, maybe. But we're talking now. WILL: No, no, this right here. This never happened. Look, your dad... I-I don't know him, but he seems like a good guy. KELLY: He is. He's the best. WILL: Yeah, well, I think he knows best, too. And believe me when I tell you this. He doesn't want you and I talking. KELLY: Well then who does? WILL: Good-bye. (He leaves.) (C.I.A. Haladki walks down a hall. Vaughn is on his tail and he's not happy.) VAUGHN: Haladki! What the hell is your problem, Haladki? Reporting me to Barnett? HALADKI: I don't have a problem. I told you, you have the problem. VAUGHN: You know what? This might shock you, but my business is not your business. HALADKI: I'm looking out for the good of the agency! VAUGHN: Yeah? Then you should quit! HALADKI: Stay out of my way! (He starts to walk away but Vaughn grabs him by the shoulder, pulling him back.) VAUGHN: Did it make you feel better about yourself, telling Barnett I got Sydney a Christmas gift? HALADKI: You're too emotionally attached to that woman! VAUGHN: Oh, like you would know anything about being emotionally attached to a woman! HALADKI: I think your judgement's impaired! VAUGHN: I think I'm gonna kick your ass! HALADKI: You're out of line! VAUGHN: No! You know what? You're out of line! (Vaughn grabs him by the lapels of his coat and throws him against the wall.) VAUGHN: You stay the hell away from my operations! (Weiss runs up and breaks them apart.) WEISS: Hey, hey, calm down! HALADKI: Who's out of control, Vaughn? ME? WEISS: HEY! (He takes Vaughn away.) HALADKI: Did you see that? Did everyone see that? That's what I'm talking about. (Chopper and another goon watches everyone, guns pointed. Dixon look worried.) (Sydney pulls herself up in the vent and climbs on all fours. When she's above Marshall's office and the compact, she gets the fish magnet which is tied to a string and starts lowering it through the slot on the vent. Jack, in the control room, flicks from camera to camera until he finds the one for Marshall's office. He sees the string being lowered. Sydney lowers it down but gets a ring instead. She sighs and brings it up anyway. Jack watches.) JACK: No... come on... (Sydney brings the ring up, looks at it, and pockets it. She goes down again.) (At the vault access room, Endo and another goon.) ENDO: Explosives in place. Activating detonator. (Sydney is finally at the compact, drops it. She gets it again and starts raising it up. Endo and the goon run away from the vault access room and take cover. Sydney is almost there, she has the compact... when the explosives go off. The building shakes and the desk in Marshall's office breaks. Everything falls to the floor, including the compact. Sydney brings the magnet back up and watches below. She starts moving.) (In the interrogation room, Endo enters.) ENDO: We're in. COLE: Excellent! All right, Arvin, here's the deal. We are in the vault room. Two things. One - you don't give us the codes. We got the tech to get it anyway, it'll just take a while. And two - you give us the codes, and I don't have to open the box which will be really excellent for you. SLOANE: I can't be the first person having difficulty taking you seriously, can I? COLE: Well, while that was a moderately clever retort... I'm the man holding the box. (He opens it and takes out a cloth rolled up.) COLE: Have you ever regretted being born? That's a pretty... heavy thing to experience. (He unravels it. A series of pins are on the cloth.) COLE: Regretting having emerged from your mother's womb. I mean, I've had some dark days but nothing close to regretting the day I was born, until I met [foreign language]. Needles of fire. (Marshall's office. Sydney looks down through the vent and opens the vent door. Jack watches. She starts motioning with her hands.) JACK: No, Sydney. Don't, don't... (She motions to him what she's going to do. He flicks to another camera and sees Marshall and Dixon. He starts flicking the camera, making the red light under the camera flash on and off. In the office, the door opens just as a goon looks in. Jack keeps flicking until Marshall sees it.) JACK: Good, good... MARSHALL: Ahem. (He motions to Dixon and then motions to the camera. Dixon sees the red light going on and off, like morse code. In the office, Sydney lowers herself down, hanging on the ledge of the vent. The goon looks in... Dixon starts violently shaking on the floor, gasping for breath. Jack watches.) MARSHALL: Hey! We need some help here, this guy's having a seizure! (Sydney lowers herself into the office and gets the compact and starts to lift herself up back in the vent. The goons kick Dixon and tie him in a chair.) GOON: I heard something back there. I'm going to go check it out. (Marshall stands up.) MARSHALL: Um, excuse me? As luck would have it, I'm feeling kind of a Stockholm Syndrome thing happening right now-- (The goon hits him in the head with the but of his gun. Marshall falls and rolls across the floor. Sydney flips herself back up in the vent, closes the door. Jack watches.) (In the interrogation room.) COLE: There's this little cajun food place in Abita Springs, Louisiana. It's called Rockamore's. You know what they're famous for? Making people cry. You know what makes them cry? The hot sauce. No one knows how they get that crap so hot. Legend has it that the devil comes by once a month and spits in their frying pan. Point being, the hot sauce at Rockamore's is like a fluffly vanilla ice cream cone when compared to what's in these. Each one is like you took a bag of red jalapenos, threw them in a blender, and used them for an enema. And Arvin, you're about to get to know them. (Will's office. Here, my tape goofed. Sorry.) KELLY: I want to talk to you for just a second. WILL: I want to. I just don't think we should. KELLY: Fine, whatever. Then just listen, please. What I said before about know everything. That's not true, okay? I don't know what SD-6 is, and I don't know why the people who are a part of it destroyed my life. All I do know is that they killed my mother, and framed my father. Every time I say that, it's like, do people really exist who do things like that? And if they do, isn't it our obligation to do something about it? WILL: Yeah, well, not if doing it is going to make more innocent people get hurt. KELLY: Which is why I'm here. See, I know my dad won't talk because he's afraid that something bad will happen to me if he does. WILL: Yeah. KELLY: Rob Stoller - my godfather - he knows some people who can send me away where they're never gonna find me. And I'll be safe so my dad won't be afraid anymore. I'm going to go away. Now, tomorrow, whenever I know that someone is fighting for my father. So please. If you can, just help my father. Please. (Will gets the envelope from the garbage and looks around. He opens it. A key is inside.) (Interrogation room. FGOON writes down the numbers.) SLOANE: Eight, five, nine and three. COLE: And three. (He smiles and sticks a pin in Sloane's open palm. He gasps.) COLE: Now, it takes the powder a few minutes to kick in. I can always take it out. So, Arvin, why don't you give us the real combination? (Cole and two goons with guns walk down the hallway. Cole has a piece of paper with the numbers on it. Jack sees them and flicks through the cameras, looking for Sydney and trying to see if she scrambled it yet.) JACK: Where are you... (He flicks and flicks and sees Sydney. She walks in and sees the explosion from the vault access room. Jack watches Cole coming closer to Sydney with the two huge guys with huge guns. Sydney takes out the scambler and puts it on the panel. It starts. Jack watches. She looks around. Cole is still walking. It finishes. Sydney takes the compact, slips it in her bag and moves over to the vent. She escapes. Cole walks in just as Sydney is putting the air vent cover back on. He moves to the panel and punches in the code. Jack watches. A buzzer sounds.) VOICE: Access denied. COLE: SLOANE! (He slams his hand against the panel and hears something in the air vent. He takes the gun from oen of the goons. Sydney moves through the vent on all fours, unaware. One of the goons has the heartbeat detector from before and sees that someone's in the vent. Cole fires his gun and shoots the vent. Sydney yelps and moves up in the vent, out of harm's way.) VOICE: Target out of range. COLE: Go get 'em! (He gives one of the goons the gun back. The two goons take off. Sydney hides in the vent in the corner, barely hanging on. She hears someone coming. Panting, she tries holding on to the edge.)
doc_184	-[Real World]- (Mary Margaret, who has escaped from her cell, has fled to the woods. Meanwhile, Henry sits on a bench reading his book at the station. Emma and Mr. Gold see him.) Emma: Henry. What are you doing here? Henry: I came to congratulate you. Emma: For what? Henry: Your genius plan. Mr. Gold: And what plan's that, Henry? (Henry doesn't respond.) Mr. Gold: Right. (Mr. Gold leaves Emma and Henry alone in the hall.) Henry: Sorry. I thought Mr. Gold was in on it, now that he's Miss Blanchard's lawyer. Emma: In on what? Henry: The escape plan. Emma: The what? (Mr. Gold calls out from the other room.) Mr. Gold: Sheriff, could you join me, please? (They join Mr. Gold and see Mary Margaret's empty cell.) Mr. Gold: She's gone. Emma: Henry, what did you do? Henry: Nothing. She was gone when I got here. Mr. Gold: Her arraignment's tomorrow. If she's not there... Emma: She's a fugitive. Doesn't matter if she's convicted for Kathryn or not - she's screwed. I have to go find her before someone notices she's missing. Mr. Gold: Oh, you mean Regina? Emma: The arraignment's at eight A.M. I'm sure she'll be here bright and early to celebrate her victory. Mr. Gold: Well, you have until eight A.M., then. Henry: Uh, what about me? How can I help? Emma: Go home. Henry: Emma, if she leaves Storybrooke... Emma: Not now, Henry. Come on. Mr. Gold: Miss Swan, I know time is of the essence, but if Miss Blanchard doesn't return... Her future's in jeopardy. And if you're caught helping her, so is yours. Emma: I don't care. I'd rather lose my job than my friend. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma gets in her car and drives down a deserted road near the woods. In the fog in the distance, a figure can be seen. Emma doesn't notice in time, and narrowly avoids hitting a man. He jumps out of the way and falls down an incline. She gets out of her car to assist him.) Emma: I'm so sorry! Are you okay? I didn't see you there. Jefferson: Uh, I think so. Emma: Are you sure? Jefferson: I'm fine. I'm not used to sharing the road with cars so late. You're the Sheriff, aren't you? Emma: Yeah. Jefferson: What brings you out here in the middle of the night? Emma: Oh, nothing to worry about. I'm just looking for a lost dog. Jefferson: Well, I hope you find it. Emma: Thank you. (Jefferson tries to walk, but has an obvious limp.) Emma: Oh, you are hurt. Jefferson: No, I just twisted my ankle, I think. I live just a mile down the road. I'll make it okay. Emma: No, let me drive you. I insist. Jefferson: Thank you. I'm Jefferson. Emma: Emma. (The two of them get into Emma's car.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (Jefferson runs through the woods, seemingly trying to escape from something. He stops to rest by a tree, but is caught by his daughter, Grace.) Grace: Papa, I found you. Jefferson: You certainly did. You must be part bloodhound, my dear Grace. Grace: Now it's my turn to hide, and you seek. Jefferson: I'm afraid playtime's over. Though, you can still use that nose of yours to hunt mushrooms. Enough to sell at market tomorrow. Do you think you can do that? Ready or not, here we come. (They head back to their house, where the Evil Queen's carriage is parked outside.) Jefferson: Wait. Grace: Whose carriage is that? Jefferson: The Queen's. Grace: In our house? Do you know her? Jefferson: Of course not. Now, listen carefully. Hey. I want you to stay hidden in the woods. Like our game. I'm going to find out what she's doing here. (Jefferson enters the house, while Grace runs off into the forest. Inside, the Evil Queen is waiting.) Evil Queen: I'd like to say you're looking well, Jefferson, but I'd be lying. Poverty doesn't suit you. Jefferson: What are you doing here, Regina? Evil Queen: I have a job for you. Jefferson: I don't do that anymore. Evil Queen: Yes, I heard you hung up your hat. Why? Is it because of your sweet daughter Grace? Jefferson: Because of my work, she lost her mother. I don't want her to lose her father, too. Evil Queen: So, now you're foraging for fungus. What kind of future does your daughter have here with you? Do this one last favour for me, and you can give her the life she deserves. Jefferson: That's why I'm staying. You don't abandon family. That's... What she deserves. Now, please leave. Evil Queen: All I need is your special skills to get me somewhere. Somewhere you've been before. Do it, and I can change your life. (She hands him a piece of paper.) Jefferson: What business could you possibly have there? Evil Queen: Something of mine was taken and found its way over there. I want it back. Jefferson: Then, find someone else to get it. Evil Queen: I see. Hard living has strengthened your resolve. Well, I'm sorry I couldn't convince you, but I understand. There's nothing more important than family. -[Real World]- (Emma and Jefferson pull up to a large house on a hill. The two of them get out.) Emma: Wow. This is your house? It looks more like a hotel. You must have a huge family. Jefferson: Nope. It's just me. (Emma sees Jefferson struggling to get up the stairs, and goes to help him inside.) Emma: Here. Wait. (Inside, Emma is waiting in the living room when Jefferson enters with a tea tray.) Jefferson: Here we go. I thought you might want to warm up for your search. It's cold out there. Emma: That is kind of you, but I think I should get back to it. Jefferson: I know. That's why I brought this. I'm a bit of an amateur cartographer - mapping the area is a hobby. Maybe, this will help you track down your dog. (He lays out the map on a table.) Emma: Wow. Jefferson: What's his name? Emma: Spot. Jefferson: Cute. (Emma looks over the map while she sips her tea. She begins to act drowsy.) Emma: Well, Route Six runs the boundary of the forest, so... So, if I just follow that, I should... Be able to... Jefferson: Is something wrong? Emma: I'm just, uh... Feeling a little... (Jefferson catches Emma and drags her over to the couch.) Jefferson: Oh. Let me help you. Emma: Dizzy. Jefferson: Let's just lie you down here. There you go. Let me get you some air. Emma: Your limp... Jefferson: Oh. That. I guess you caught me. Emma: Who are you? -[Fairy Tale World]- (Jefferson and Grace are at an outdoor market. They come to an old woman, who is selling toys.) Grace: The toy cart! Woman: Come. (Grace picks up a stuffed rabbit.) Grace: Wouldn't this make the perfect guest for our tea parties, Papa? Can I have him? Please? Jefferson: Excuse me. How much for the rabbit? Woman: That costs one silver. Jefferson: Would you take it for eight coppers? It's all I have. Woman: Oh, you are good father. Your last coppers for your little girl's happiness, ah? Jefferson: Thank you. Woman: Oh, I did not say I accept. Alas, I cannot take less than one silver. The economy. You understand. Grace: It's okay, Papa. Come on - people are waiting. Jefferson: I will not take no for an answer. Grace: Papa, please. I don't need it. Jefferson: Come on, sweetie. (The old woman walks away from the crowd to a mirror.) Mirror: Well, that was awfully cruel. You could at least let the girl have her toy. Evil Queen: Where's the fun in that? (The old woman's face briefly morphs into the Evil Queen's.) -[Real World]- (Emma wakes up bound and gagged on the couch. She looks around and sees that Jefferson is gone. She sits up and notices her fallen teacup on the floor. Emma throws a pillow over the cup to muffle sound, and then breaks it with her feet. She manoeuvers herself onto the floor, grabs a shard of the broken cup, and cuts through her binds. She tries to open one of the windows, but discovers that they're all locked. By the windows, there is a telescope pointed at the Sheriff's station. Emma hears a noise coming from the room across the hall. She peeks in and sees Jefferson sharpening a pair of scissors.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (At their home, Jefferson finishes making a stuffed rabbit. He places it on a chair next to Grace, who is having a tea party.) Jefferson: I know it's not the same as what you wanted. Grace: I love it, Papa. Thank you. (Grace pretends to pour tea.) Grace: Mm. This is really good. Don't you think so, Mr. Tortoise? Papa, do you like your tea? Jefferson: Grace... I want you to go to the neighbours' for the rest of the day. There's work I have to do. Grace: Can't I come with you? I like being with you in the forest. Jefferson: I'm not going to the forest, sweetie. Grace: This has to do with the Queen's visit, doesn't it? Whatever she wants you to do, don't do it. Jefferson: Grace, I have to. I want you to have what you need. Grace: All I need is you, Papa. Please, stay. Jefferson: Come here. I know. I'm sorry, baby. I have to go. Grace: Just promise me you'll come back. You have to promise. Jefferson: Of course. Grace: For our tea party. Promise? Jefferson: I promise. I won't miss it for the world. Go. (Grace leaves. Jefferson opens a locked chest, and pulls out a hat box.) -[Real World]- (Emma slows edges out into the hallway. She slowly creeps down the hall, but steps on a creaky floorboard. Panicking, she quickly enters the closest room. Inside, Mary Margaret is gagged and tied to a chair. Emma starts to untie her.) Emma: What is going on? MMB: Emma, thank God. Emma: What are you doing here? MMB: I was in the woods, trying to get away. Then, this man appeared out of nowhere and grabbed me. Why are you here? Emma: I've been trying to find you. You escaped, remember? How did you get out? MMB: There was a key... In my cell, under my pillow. Someone put it there. Emma: Who? MMB: I don't know. I'd like to know just as much as you. (Once Mary Margaret is free, they both head for the door. Emma checks the hall and sees that it's clear. The two of them start down the hallway, but are stopped by Jefferson. He's armed with a gun.) Jefferson: I see you found Spot. Emma: I've already called for backup. They'll be here any second. Jefferson: You haven't called anybody. For the same reason you didn't tell me about her. You don't want anybody to know you're here, which means, nobody does. So, now tie her back up. (Emma ties Mary Margaret to the chair, again. MMB: Emma... Emma: It's going to be okay. (She gags her.) Emma: Your telescope - you've been watching me. Why? Jefferson: I need you to do something. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Jefferson meets with the Evil Queen at her castle. He enters with the hat box and is escorted by several guards.) Evil Queen: Jefferson. So good to see you looking more like yourself. I assume you're here because you've reconsidered my offer? Jefferson: I want your guarantee. That, if I do what you ask, my daughter will want for nothing. Evil Queen: You have my word. Now, let's open that box of yours and see what it can do. (He pulls a top hat out of the box.) Evil Queen: I do so like a man who dresses for the occasion. (Jefferson places the hat on the floor and spins it. It begins to spin on its own.) Jefferson: Step back. (The hat forms a purple vortex.) Jefferson: After you! Evil Queen: Together! (They link arms.) Jefferson: Hold on! (They both jump into the vortex and are transported elsewhere.) -[Real World]- (Jefferson brings Emma to a room with several top hats lining the walls.) Emma: I don't know what you think you're doing, but if you hurt my friend, I swear I'll make you regret it. Jefferson: Hurt her? I'm saving her life. Emma: How do you figure that? Jefferson: Don't play stupid. We both know what happens when people try to leave Storybrooke. Emma: What are you talking about? Jefferson: The curse. Emma: What curse? Jefferson: The one keeping us all trapped. All except you. Emma: Have you been reading Henry's book? Jefferson: Henry? You mean the Queen's father? Emma: Henry, the mayor's adopted kid. Jefferson: Oh, Henry. Your Henry. And his book of stories. The ones that you choose to ignore. Maybe, if you knew what I know, you wouldn't. Emma: Why have you been spying on me? Jefferson: Because, for the last twenty-eight years, I've been stuck in this house. Day after day, always the same. Until one night, you, in your little yellow bug, roll into town, and the clock ticks, and things start to change. You see... I know what you refuse to acknowledge, Emma. You're special. You brought something precious to Storybrooke - magic. Emma: You're insane. Jefferson: Because I speak the truth? Emma: Because you're talking about magic. Jefferson: I'm talking about what I've seen. Perhaps, you're the one that's mad. Emma: Really? Jefferson: What's crazier than seeing and not believing? Because that's exactly what you've been doing since you got to our little hamlet. Open your eyes. Look around. Wake up. Isn't it about time? Emma: What do you want? Jefferson: I want you to get it to work. (Jefferson sits Emma down in front of a table of sewing supplies and materials.) Emma: You want me to get what to work? Jefferson: You're the only one that can do this. You're going to get it to work. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Jefferson and the Evil Queen end up inside Jefferson's hat. There are several different coloured doors lining the walls.) Evil Queen: I forgot how magnificent you are. Jefferson: I'm not here to relive the past. I'm here for my daughter. (He points toward a door made of glass.) Jefferson: Here - this is the entrance. It's important that we stick together. Same amount of people that go through have to come back. No more, no less. It's the hat's rule, not mine. Evil Queen: I understand. (They enter through the mirrored door and arrive in Wonderland. Along the path, they encounter the Caterpillar.) Caterpillar: Who are you? Who? Who? Jefferson: I hate Wonderland. -[Real World]- (Emma and Jefferson are still in the sewing room.) Jefferson: Make one like that. Emma: You want me to make a hat? You don't have enough? Jefferson: Well, none of them work, do they? Or else you wouldn't be here. Now, make a hat, and get it to work. Emma: I don't- Jefferson: You have magic. You can do it. Emma: The hats, the tea, your psychotic behavior... You think you're the Mad Hatter. Jefferson: My name's Jefferson. Emma: Okay. You've clearly glommed onto my kid Henry's thing. They're just stories. The Mad Hatter is in Alice in Wonderland - a book. A book I actually read. Jefferson: Stories. Stories? What's a story? When you were in high school, did you learn about the Civil War? Emma: Yeah, of course. Jefferson: How? Did you read about it, perchance, in a book? How is that any less real than any other book? Emma: History books are based on history. Jefferson: And storybooks are based on what? Imagination? Where does that come from? It has to come from somewhere. You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants some magical solution for their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic. Now, get it to work. Emma: Here's the thing, Jefferson - this is it. This is the real world. Jefferson: A real world. How arrogant are you to think yours is the only one? There are infinite more. You have to open your mind. They touch one another, pressing up in a long line of lands. Each just as real as the last. All have their own rules. Some have magic, some don't. And some need magic. Like this one. And that's where you come in. You and your friend are not leaving here, until you make my hat. Until you get it to work. Emma: And then what? Jefferson: Then I go home. -[Fairy Tale World]- (In Wonderland, Jefferson and the Evil Queen come to a hedge maze.) Jefferson: You want to go in there? Evil Queen: What I want is a short walk through. Jefferson: A short walk? You know who this belongs to. Evil Queen: The Queen of Hearts. She's not one for subtlety. Jefferson: This wasn't part of our deal. You know what she does to anyone that crosses her. Evil Queen: Indeed. Better than most. You can't leave Wonderland without me. Two go through, two go back. You're not going to let the Queen of Hearts keep you from returning to your daughter, are you? (Jefferson says nothing and begins to follow her.) Evil Queen: That's what I thought. Jefferson: Wait. (He picks up a branch from the ground and throws it towards one of the walls. The hedge grabs the branch and pulls it into the wall.) Jefferson: Stay away from the walls. Evil Queen: I've got a better idea. The walls should stay away from me. (The Evil Queen magically creates a fireball, and blasts a path through the maze. The two of them proceed until they reach they reach a vault containing a wall of hearts like the Evil Queen's. She pulls a drawer open and takes out the box.) Jefferson: Okay? You got what you need. Shall we? (The two of them go to leave, but are suddenly ambushed by several of the Queen of Hearts' guards.) Guard: Trespassers! Halt! (Jefferson and the Evil Queen begin to run through the hedge maze. The guards follow and try to stop them, but are thwarted by the Evil Queen's magic. They run back to the burned path, where the Evil Queen magically causes the hedges to reform. They end up back at the mirrored door they entered through.) Jefferson: The Looking Glass! There it is! (Jefferson sees that the Evil Queen has stopped.) Jefferson: C- What are you doing? We can't stop now. We got to get out of here. Evil Queen: There's something I need to do first. (She breaks off a piece of mushroom.) Evil Queen: A little snack. Jefferson: Are you mad? Do you know what the food here does? Evil Queen: I'm well aware. (The Evil Queen sets the opened box on the ground and places the piece of mushroom inside. Purple smoke emerges from the box and materializes into Henry I.) Evil Queen: Oh, daddy! Jefferson: This is what she took from you? Your father? Evil Queen: The Queen of Hearts has always seen me as a threat. So, she wanted some leverage. I got it back. Henry I: The Queen's soldiers - we must hurry. Jefferson: You knew only two can go through the hat... Which is why you didn't tell me about your father. Evil Queen: It was the only way to make sure you'd help me. (Jefferson tries to chase after them, but his feet are swallowed by the ground.) Jefferson: Wait! Wait! Wait, please. My daughter... My Grace... She's... She's waiting for me. I promised her I'd... I'd be home for tea. Evil Queen: A promise which you now have broken. If you truly cared for your daughter, you never would've left her in the first place. You were right, Jefferson. You don't abandon family. (The Evil Queen and her father go through the mirrored door.) Jefferson: No! No... (The Queen of Hearts' men finally catch up to Jefferson. Two of the guards drag him away.) Knave of Hearts: Take him to the Queen. [SCENE_BREAK] (The guards bring Jefferson before the Queen of Hearts and several other citizens of Wonderland. Her face is covered by a veil and uses a tube to speak through.) Knave of Hearts: Her Majesty says she knows you're responsible for helping to steal from her. Jefferson: The Queen, she tricked me- Knave of Hearts: That woman's name is Regina. There is only one Queen - the Queen of Hearts. Jefferson: Yes, of course. My apologies. Now, please... Knave of Hearts: Her Majesty wishes to know how you got to this world. How did you come to Wonderland? Jefferson: If I tell you, will you let me go home to my daughter? Queen of Hearts: Off with his head. (One of the guards decapitates Jefferson with an axe. However, he does not die. Another guard holds up his head.) Jefferson: I'm alive? I'm alive! Knave of Hearts: If you wish your body back, then answer. How did you get here? Jefferson: The... The... The hat. My hat. We used my hat. Knave of Hearts: Where's the hat now? Jefferson: She took it - Regina. Knave of Hearts: If all you require to travel to your homeland is this magic hat, then surely, you could make another. Jefferson: I can't. A hat without magic is just a hat. It won't work. Knave of Hearts: Then, there's your task. Get it to work. -[Real World]- (Emma and Jefferson are still in the sewing room. Emma has made a top hat.) Emma: I can't make it work. What you're asking me is impossible. Jefferson: No! It has to be. If it's not, I'm never going home. I'll be cursed to live in this house forever. Emma: What is so cursed about your life? Look at this place. It's beautiful. It doesn't seem cursed to me. Jefferson: It's cursed because, like everyone else here, what I love has been ripped from me. Take a look. (He gestures for Emma to look through a telescope. She sees a little girl and her family eating dinner at home.) Jefferson: Her name is Grace. Here, it's Paige. But it's Grace. My Grace. Do you have any idea what it's like to watch her day in and day out, happy, with a new family? With a new father? Emma: You think she's your daughter? Jefferson: I don't think - I know. I remember. She has no idea who I am. Our life together, where we come from. I do. That's my curse. Emma: To remember. Jefferson: What good is this house, these things, if I can't share them with her? Emma: If you really think she's your daughter, why don't you reach out to her? Why don't you tell her? Jefferson: And destroy her reality? I'm trapped by knowledge. How cruel do you think I am? You think I'd inflict that awareness on my daughter? It's hard enough to live in a land where you don't belong. But knowing it, holding conflicting realities in your head...will drive you mad. Emma: That's why you want me to make the hat work, isn't it? You just want to take Grace home - to your world. Jefferson: It's the one world where we can be together... Where she'll remember who I am. Emma: I know what it's like to be separated from your kid. Jefferson: Yeah, you do, don't you? Emma: It can make you feel like you're losing your mind. Jefferson: I'm not losing my mind. I'm not crazy. This is real. Emma: Maybe. Maybe, it is. Jefferson: You believe? Emma: If what you say is true, that woman in the other room is my mother. And I want to believe that more than anything in the world. So, maybe you're right. Maybe, I need to open myself up more. Maybe, if I want magic, I have to start believing. Jefferson: So, you're... You're going to help me? You can get it to work? Emma: I can try. (When Jefferson turns around, Emma grabs the telescope and hits him in the head. He's knocked unconscious.) Emma: Crazy son of a bitch. (Emma takes Jefferson's gun and heads to the room where Mary Margaret is tied up. She ungags her and begins to untie her.) Emma: Hey. It's alright. I'm going to get you out of here. You're going to be okay. He can't hurt you anymore. MMB: Emma! Look out! (Jefferson tackles Emma, who then falls into Mary Margaret, causing the three of them to fall on the floor. The gun is knocked from Emma's hand, and she and Jefferson scramble for it. The two of them fight, while Mary Margaret tries to untie herself from the chair. Jefferson eventually wrestles away the gun and points it at Emma. The scar around his neck can now be seen.) Jefferson: Off with his head. (Mary Margaret frees herself and grabs a croquet mallet, which she uses to hit Jefferson. While he is temporarily distracted, Mary Margaret kicks him out the window.) MMB: Are you okay? Emma: Yeah. (They look out the window, but Jefferson is gone and only the hat remains. The two of them head outside.) Emma: There's no sign of him anywhere. MMB: Who was he? Emma: A very lonely man. By the way, have you been taking kickboxing and not telling me about it? MMB: I have no idea where that came from. (They walk around the side of the house, and discover Emma's car under a tarp.) MMB: Emma, look. (Emma removes the tarp and looks inside. She finds the keys in the car.) MMB: So, Sheriff, I guess you'll be taking me back now. (Emma throws the keys to Mary Margaret.) Emma: Here. Go. MMB: You want me to run? Emma: No, but it's your choice. Just know something - running ain't easy. I've done my share of it. And once you go, there's no stopping. MMB: Emma, everyone thinks I killed Kathryn. Emma: Mary Margaret, you have to believe me. You have to trust me. I know it seems impossible, but I can get you out of this. MMB: Why is it so important to you what happens to me? Emma: Because, when Regina framed me, and you bailed me out, I asked you why. And you said you trusted me. And then, when I wanted to leave Storybrooke cause I thought it was best for Henry, you told me I needed to stay because that was the best for him. And I realized, all my life, I have been alone. Walls up. Nobody's ever been there for me - except for you. And I can't lose that. I cannot lose my family. MMB: Family? Emma: Friends. Whatever. You know what I mean. Wouldn't you rather face this together than alone? (Mary Margaret gives the keys back to Emma. In the distance, the clock chimes.) Emma: The arraignment. Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina arrives at the station. Inside, she is surprised to find Mary Margaret sitting in her cell reading the newspaper.) MMB: Madam Mayor. Regina: Good morning. (Mr. Gold appears.) Mr. Gold: Excuse me, but my client is not having any visitors. Regina: Of course not. Mr. Gold: I'll see you out. (Mr. Gold and Regina go out into the hall.) Regina: What is she doing here? Mr. Gold: She came back. Regina: You said this was going to work. That she'd take the key, that she'd go. Mr. Gold: And she did. But, it seems that Miss Swan is rather more resourceful than we thought. Fear not, Your Majesty. Miss Blanchard is still guilty of murder. You may yet get what you want. Regina: Oh, I better. The only reason I made a deal with you, Gold, is because I wanted results. Mr. Gold: And results you shall have. See you at the arraignment. [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry is sitting on a bench outside of his school, when Emma approaches him.) Emma: Henry. Well, I found Mary Margaret. Henry: How is she? Emma: She's okay. Other than being on trial for murder, she's fine. (A group of kids walk past them.) Paige: Hi, Henry. Emma: Who is that? Henry: Her name is Paige. She goes to school with me. Emma: Henry, do you have your storybook with you? Can I see it? Henry: Yeah. Why? Emma: I'm just curious about something. (Henry takes the book out of his backpack and gives it to Emma. Emma flips to the story about Jefferson.) Henry: What? What is it? Emma: Nothing. Henry: Emma? Emma? (The bell rings.) Henry: I got to go. Emma: Right. Can I hold on to this? Henry: Absolutely. -[End]-
doc_185	SCENE: Neverland. Present. Felix escorts the prisoner (Neal) through the jungle. [SCENE_BREAK] Felix: Feels like just yesterday I welcomed you to Neverland the first time, Baelfire. Gotta say, hoped I'd never see you again. Neal: Then maybe Pan shouldn't have taken my son. Felix: Maybe you should've left well enough alone. Neal: I'm gonna get him back. Felix: You really believe that? You were a lost boy. You know Peter Pan's not be to trifled with. You know how long he's been searching for the heart of the truest believer. Do you really believe he'll just... give him up? Neal: Maybe, if I ask nicely. (Chuckles) Felix: You may have grown up, Baelfire, but it would appear you have grown up stupid. Neal: I have grown up. I don't know if I'm stupid or not, but I do know I know how to tie an overhand knot. Felix: Uhh! (Panting) Neal: I'm not a boy anymore, Felix. I sure as hell ain't lost. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Before the first curse. Rumplestiltskin's hovel. [SCENE_BREAK] Rumplestiltskin: Bae. A present. Something to sharpen your coal with. Bae: Where did you get it? Rumplestiltskin: Oh, from a man who no longer needed it. Bae: You mean taken from a man who couldn't pay you. Rumplestiltskin: Bae... Bae: Papa, I told you, I don't want any more gifts from the people you terrorize. (Thud) Rumplestiltskin: Then what do you want? Tell me, son. What would make you happy? Bae: Leaving this place. I'm tired of staying in this hovel all the time. Rumplestiltskin: Well, that's easy to fix. How about a castle, huh? I could build you a palace so magnificent its shadow would blanket the countryside. Bae: That's not what I mean. I wanna go out, have friends, see the world beyond these four walls. Papa, why can't you just trust me to do that? Rumplestiltskin: I do trust you, Bae. It's... It's others that I can't. You see, I have many enemies beyond that door. And once you leave, any one of them could hurt you. Bae: You sure that's the only reason? Maybe what you're really worried about is if I leave, I might never come back. Rumplestiltskin: No, no. I... I... I'm worried about your safety. This is the best place for you. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. Rumplestiltskin puts on war paint. [SCENE_BREAK] (Scraping) (Fire crackling) Belle: You always felt more comfortable behind a mask. Mr. Gold: You were the only one who could ever see past it, past the mask of the monster. Belle: Then why put it back on now? Mr. Gold: I need the monster, Belle. It's the only way I can save him. And that's what I've decided. I'm gonna save Henry. Belle: The prophecy states that Henry will be your undoing. To save him, you ensure your own death. Mr. Gold: You don't think I can do it? Belle: I think your intentions are good. But a lifetime of craven self-interest is a nasty habit that you've never been able to break. Mr. Gold: Things are different now. Belle: How? What... what's different? Mr. Gold: Because I have nothing to live for. Belle: What about me? Mr. Gold: You're not real. Just a vision. Belle: But I'm... I'm back in Storybrooke, waiting for you. Mr. Gold: You shouldn't be. When I said good-bye to you, Belle, we both know it was for good. Belle: Well, maybe I think you'll come back. Mr. Gold: Even if I did, eventually you'd leave me because you can see me for what I really am. You think you see a good man, but in time, you'd see the monster. My son is dead. The only way I can redeem myself is by saving his son and giving my life. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: This is where they're keeping Henry. Pan's compound. According to, uh... Tinkerbelle: Tinker Bell. Emma: Yes, I know. Still weird to say. Tinkerbelle: "Tink" is fine. Emma: Not sure that's any better. Anyway, she says that there are sentries positioned across the front, which is why we are gonna come in through the back entrance here. She's gonna talk her way in. Once she makes sure the coast is clear, then we are going to sneak on in. Tinkerbelle: You'll still have to deal with any lost boys once you're inside. Regina: I think we can handle a few children with pointy sticks. Tinkerbelle: It's not the sticks you need to worry about. It's the poison they're dipped in. Mary Margret: Dreamshade. Hook warned us. Tinkerbelle: Good. Because one nick, and you'll spend the last of... David: Poison sticks equal death. We got it. Now when can we put this rescue mission into action? Tinkerbelle: I'm ready to go, just as you tell me the exit plan. You do have an escape plan, don't you? Emma: It's... it's more of a last-minute trip. Tinkerbelle: If you don't have a way off this island, then none of this matters. Regina: We'll figure it out. Tinkerbelle: You'll figure it out? No one comes and goes from this place unless he allows it. This is a waste of time. David: Hey, when it comes to family, we always find a way. Tinkerbelle: You don't get it. Here. Let me show you something. You know what this is? Emma: Yeah, a watch. Tinkerbelle: I got it from the people who brought your son here for Pan. Emma: Greg and Tamara? Where are they? Why'd they give you that? Tinkerbelle: I got it off the girl's body. Spent half the night cleaning the blood off it. And the other guy... Well, there wasn't enough left of him to find anything useful. This is what Pan does to people he employs. What do you think he's gonna do to you? I'm not sticking my neck on Pan's chopping block without a way off this island. When you figure that out, you know where I live. Mary Margret: Where the hell is she going? David: I'll get her, bring her back. Emma: Don't. She's right. If there's one thing I've learned, you never break in somewhere unless you know the way out. Regina: And where'd you get that, in bail bondsperson school? Emma: Neal taught me that. David: What about you, Hook? You got off this island before. Hook: Yes, aboard my ship, which would require some form of magic to create a portal, which... I got from Pan in a deal I don't think he's ready to repeat. Regina: So no one's ever left the island without Pan's permission. Hook: One man. Her partner in crime Neal. Emma: How? Hook: Maybe we can find out. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] (Lost boys speaking indistinctly in distance) (Foliage rustles) Lost Boy: Stop by order of Pan! (Whoosh) (Grunts and groans) Mr. Gold: I don't take orders. (Rustling) (Grunts) (Whispers) Mr. Gold: Bae? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: You're not real. You're dead. Neal: What? Of course I'm real. What the hell's going on?! Mr. Gold: You're a vision, just like Belle. Neal: No. No, hey. Listen to me. It's me. I was shot. Okay? But I survived. See? I'm alive. Mr. Gold: My son is dead! You're just here to remind me of my failure! Neal: That's not why I'm here. Mr. Gold: My weakness. Neal: Put the spear down. Mr. Gold: You're here to question my resolve. But you won't succeed. I will sacrifice my life for Henry. And nothing will stand in my way! Neal: (Whispers) Please, papa. (Gasps) (Whispering) Mr. Gold: Bae? Is that really you? (Whispers) Neal: Yeah. (Spear thuds) Mr. Gold: I thought I'd lost you forever. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Before the first curse. Rumplestiltskin's hovel. [SCENE_BREAK] Rumplestiltskin: I was thinking... Only a king should live in a castle. So why don't you try this on for size? Bae? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Before the first curse. The village of Hamelin. [SCENE_BREAK] Man: All right, now listen. We'll start organizing search parties right away. Rumplestiltskin: You think you can hide him from me? (Woman gasps) Rumplestiltskin: Where is he? Where's my son?! (Murmuring) Man: He's not here, Dark One. I swear! Rumplestiltskin: Don't lie to me! Magic has led me to this rathole of a town! His trail ends here, in Hamelin. I know you're hiding him from me. Man: No. No, we're not. Many of our children went missing last night, lured from their beds by some unholy music. Rumplestiltskin: What kind of music? Man: From the Piper. Only the children could hear it. Some of them tried telling their parents, but no one believed them. They were sent back to bed. And this morning, they were gone. Rumplestiltskin: And who was playing it? Man: No one saw his face. O... only a figure hidden by a pied cloak of multicolor patches, leading the children from their homes and into the forest. Don't you see? It... It has to be the same man that has taken your son. Rumplestiltskin: Then whoever this Pied Piper is, he's about to play his late note. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: How is it possible? Neal: It's kind of a long story. Let's just say that the debt Robin Hood owes you has been paid. Mr. Gold: You were back in our land? Neal: Yeah, but I made it here. The only thing that matters now is that I help Emma save Henry. Where is she? Mr. Gold: I left her and the rest of them aboard Hook's ship. As noble as their intentions may be, they don't have the stomach to do what needs to be done. Neal: Like what you did to these boys? They're not, uh... Mr. Gold: No, they're just sleeping. For now. Neal: Let's leave it that way, okay? Mr. Gold: You don't have the stomach either. Neal: I'll do what needs to be done. But killing lost boys? We don't have to do that. Mr. Gold: We shall see. Neal: So I take it you have a plan? The whole "sacrifice your life" thing was just you being dramatic. Mr. Gold: Well, it's the only way. Pan's too powerful. You can only beat him if you're willing to die, which I am. Neal: What if I told you there was another way? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: So what exactly is your plan? Neal: You know how if you hold a shell up to your ear you can hear the ocean? Certain shells, the ocean can hear you. (Plays conch) Mr. Gold: Why would we need the ocean to hear us? (Note continues) Mr. Gold: What have you done? Neal: Give me the spear. (Squid growling) (Grunts) (Squish) (Roars) (Both grunting) Mr. Gold: A squid? Neal: That's right. I believe you know how to extract ink from one of these bad boys. Mr. Gold: Squid ink. So this is your plan? Neal: It can immobilize the most magical of creatures. At least for a little while... (Water lapping) Neal: Even Pan. Mr. Gold: I have some experience with it. Neal: Can you get it out? Mr. Gold: Indeed. But how do you plan on getting close enough to use it? (Sighs) Neal: I don't need to get close. All I need is one clean shot to get Henry back. Mr. Gold: Well, leave that to me. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: What is this supposed to be? Emma: So... what, Neal swung out of Neverland on a vine? Hook: Well, if someone would be kind enough to lend me a hand... What do you say, savior? David: I'll do it. (Lowered voice) Hook: You don't look so hot, mate. (Lowered voice) David: It's a hundred degrees in this damn jungle. And I'm plenty hot. (Stone scraping) Hook: Ladies first. David: How much longer do you think you can keep up this charade? Don't you think your family deserves to know you're gonna die? David: What do you care? Hook: Why don't you? David: What is the good in telling them when there is nothing I can do to stop the poison, when there is no hope? Hook: Well, if there's one thing I've gleaned from you hero types, it's that there's always hope. David: Is there something you're not telling me, mate? Hook: Alas, hope and reality are most often worlds apart. I told you the truth. You'll never make it off this island alive. David: Well... Then this is between us. The only thing they need to worry about saving is Henry. Emma: Hook! What is this place? What are we doing here? Emma: Neal. This is where he lived. Hook: Aye. (Sets down flint) Hook: Baelfire spent some time in Neverland as a boy. This was his home. Snow: So you think he may have left a clue as to how he escaped from here? Hook: Well, let's hope so, or we'll be lost just like he was. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Before the first curse. [SCENE_BREAK] (Pipe in distance playing melody) (Pipe continues playing) (Boys whooping and laughing, drums playing tribal beat) (Whooping and music continue) Rumplestiltskin: Bae! (Whooping continues) (Pipe playing) (Whooping and music continue) Rumplestiltskin: Bae! [SCENE_BREAK] (Whoosh) Rumplestiltskin: Where is my son, Piper? Pan: Is that what they're calling me? We both know who I really am. Been a long time, laddie. Glad you could make the show. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Before the first curse. [SCENE_BREAK] Pan: You surprised to see me, Rumple? I don't blame you. I'm a little surprised myself. Look who's all grown up and become The Dark One! Good for you. Rumplestiltskin: What are you doing here? Pan: It's lonely in Neverland. The only friends I have are the children who visit in their dreams. But they can't stay. The boys I take back with me will. Rumplestiltskin: You're here for my son. Pan: I am. Rumplestiltskin: It's gonna take a lot more than a magic pipe to take my son. Pan: The only thing magic about this pipe is that only certain boys can hear it... boys who feel unloved, boys who feel lost. I guess that's why you can hear it, Rumple. Isn't it? Rumplestiltskin: Don't pretend to know me. You don't. Not anymore. Pan: Oh, I think I do. Beneath all that power, you're nothing more than an unloved, lonely, lost boy. Hey, I like the sound of that. That's what I'll call my new group of friends. The lost boys. It has a nice ring, don't you think? Rumplestiltskin: You can call them whatever you like. Baelfire will not be part of it. Pan: Oh, he's already a part of it. The question is, what are you willing to do to get him back? Rumplestiltskin: I'm gonna make you regret ever asking that question. Pan: Oh, I understand you're upset. Most parents' worst fear is that their child will be taken away from them. But that's not yours, is it, Rumple? No. You're not afraid Baelfire will be taken from you. You're afraid he'll leave. After all, being abandoned is what you're good at, isn't it? Everyone you've ever known has left, haven't they? Like Bae's mother Milah. Not to mention your own father. Why should Baelfire be any different? Rumplestiltskin: You're wrong. Pan: Am I? Well, let's find out, shall we? You ask Baelfire if he wants to come to Neverland with me or stay here with you. If he wants to stay, I'll leave and never return. Deal? Rumplestiltskin: I don't have to make any deals with you. Pan: But why wouldn't you, if you're so sure he'll stay? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] (Lost boys whooping, drums playing tribal beat) Pan: You don't want to join in the celebration, Henry? Henry: Nothing to celebrate. Pan: Nothing to celebrate? (Chuckles) Pan: Henry, this whole party is to celebrate you. Henry: Me? Why? Pan: Because you've come to save magic, of course. And I, for one, can't think of a reason more deserving of celebration than that. Just look at them. Henry: I'm not like them. Or you. Pan: Sure you are. You're still a boy. Maybe a song will get you on your feet. (Blows air) Henry: Sorry. I... I don't hear anything. Pan: Interesting. You see, this pipe's enchanted, Henry. It can only be heard by certain children. Henry: Like who? Pan: You'll find out soon enough, I promise. Pan: What? I know that look. What happened? Felix: Baelfire. I'm afraid he got away. Pan: Well, then why didn't you get him back? Felix: I tried. I followed his trail and found two of our sentries knocked out... By a sleeping spell. Pan: The Dark One. So father and son have been reunited. Felix: They'll be coming for the boy. We should move him somewhere safe. Pan: Now, now, Felix. Where's your sense of adventure? We can't end the party when the real fun is about to begin. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Hook: Anything important? Emma: I can't tell yet. I didn't know he liked drawing. Hook: He got it from his mother. Emma: I'm hoping Neal left something useful in the details of one of these. Maybe a map? Some kind of clue. Hand me that candle. What about you? Any luck? Hook: No potted bean plant or swirling vortex under the rug, if that's what you mean. There may be no rug at all. There are other drawings on the far wall, but as far as I can tell, that's all they are. Probably just a way to pass the time and keep occupied. Emma: You knew him pretty well, didn't you? Hook: We spent some time together. You all right there, Swan? Emma: I'm fine. Looks like you're right. They're just a bunch of pictures. What's all this? Mary Margret: Uh, just some cups and bowls he fashioned from things he found here. David: Don't know how great a cup this coconut could make. It's filled with holes. Mary Margret: Uh, maybe it's a tiny colander. Regina: Yes, because preteen Baelfire probably made lots of pasta. Emma: Hold on. Hook, snuff out that torch. Regina: Am I supposed to be impressed that he made a night-light? Emma: Look up. Mary Margret: Stars. Hook: It's a map. David: To where? Emma: Home. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. Pan's camp. [SCENE_BREAK] (Lost boys yipping and grunting) (Wind blowing) Pan: We have a guest! No doubt someone who knows how much I like guessing games. Who could it be? I guess... (Fire whooshes) Pan: The Dark One. Come to save Henry, have you, laddie? (Whispers) Pan: How exciting. The Dark One ready to sacrifice his life for his family. Speaking of family... (Fire whooshes) Pan: You can come out now, Baelfire. Neal: Name's Neal now. Pan: New name, but the same old tricks. It's heartwarming to see father and son working together, especially after you abandoned him, Rumple. This is a real family reunion. Mr. Gold: What are you waiting for? Neal: I got this. (Whoosh) (Panting) Pan: Clever. But we've been through this before, Baelfire. Have you remembered nothing? Neal: I remember plenty. (Arrow clatters) Neal: That's why I didn't coat the tip. (Whooshing) Mr. Gold: Grab Henry. Pan: Well, how about that? I'm impressed. But are you sure you're really saving him, Bae? Neal: What could be worse than leaving him here with you? Pan: Why don't you ask your father? Sometimes the people we should fear the most are the ones closest to us. Neal: W... what's he talking about? Mr. Gold: Don't listen to him. Pan: You mean you haven't told him? Neal: Told me what? Pan: Why, about the prophecy, of course. Neal: What prophecy? What's he mean? Pan: The prophecy that says you've been tricked. Your father isn't here to rescue your son. He's here to murder him. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Neal: What the hell was he talking about? Mr. Gold: Oh, don't mind him. Neal: He said you were gonna murder Henry! Mr. Gold: He plays games. Mind games. The important thing is we got the boy and we got away. Neal: Where are we? Mr. Gold: The other side of the island. We're safe here for the time being. Neal: Hey. Hey, Henry. It's me. Hey, it's your dad. Mr. Gold: No, he... he can't hear you. Neal: Then wake him up. Mr. Gold: Pulling him out of the spell could be dangerous. He'll wake naturally in a few hours. He'll be fine. Neal: All right. Then you can explain to me what the hell Pan meant. This prophecy that he's talking about, why would he say that you'd kill Henry? Mr. Gold: Oh, I don't know, to create a wedge between us. Neal: That's not a denial. (Sighs) Neal: No, this has to do with what happened when I found you. You thought I was a hallucination. You said that you had to do the right thing and save Henry! What did that really mean? Mr. Gold: Baelfire... Neal: it's Neal! Now stop dodging and tell me what's going on! Mr. Gold: There was a seer, and she told me of a prophecy... that boy would help reunite me with you. And that boy... Would be my undoing. Neal: Henry. Mr. Gold: I didn't know it was gonna be my own grandson, till I found you in New York and discovered you were his father. Neal: You were planning on getting rid of him, whoever he was, weren't you? To try and cheat fate? To get around the prophecy? You cold-blooded son of a bitch. You were gonna kill him. Mr. Gold: Yes. Neal: Get back. You stay away from him! Mr. Gold: That was then. Things have changed. I... I didn't come here to Neverland to hurt Henry. I came here to save him. Neal: After what you just told me, I'm supposed to believe you?! Mr. Gold: I won't lie to you, Bae. Self-preservation has been a nasty habit I've had my whole life, but I came here to break it, to do the right thing and to save your son. Even if that meant sacrificing my own life. Mr. Gold: (Whispers) You have to trust me. Neal: (Whispers) How can I? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Before the first curse. [SCENE_BREAK] (Drums playing) (Boys whooping) Pan: You don't even recognize him, do you, Rumple? Rumplestiltskin: Well, how could I when he's wearing a mask? Pan: Well, he might be wearing a mask, but that's not the reason. Look at him... Playing with to boys, out in the world. He's happy, Rumple. That's why you don't recognize him. Rumplestiltskin: Bae. (Panting) Rumplestiltskin: Baelfire. Are you all right? Bae: I'm fine. Why are you here? Rumplestiltskin: I know you think I don't care about you, son, but I do. And I'm here to prove it. Bae: How? Pan: Go ahead, Rumple. Bae: Papa! What are you doing?! Rumplestiltskin: I'm protecting you. (Whoosh) Pan: You're gonna regret not taking my deal, Rumple! (Whoosh) Bae: Don't touch me! Get away! Rumplestiltskin: It's all right now, Bae. You're safe. Bae: Safe? I was never in danger. The Piper was my friend! Rumplestiltskin: He may have wanted you to think that. But you have to believe me. He would've hurt you. Bae: Why? Who is he? Another person that you abused with your power? Rumplestiltskin: His name is Peter Pan. I've known him since I was a boy. Growing up, we were incredibly close. Bae: So you're saying he's immortal, too. Rumplestiltskin: He wasn't always. He went to a place called Neverland. He betrayed me, Bae. He can't be trusted. Bae: What happened? Rumplestiltskin: All that matters is that he fooled me for a long time before I'd finally seen his true nature, and it is darker and more repulsive than you should ever be exposed to! Bae: He can't be any worse than you. Rumplestiltskin: I had to protect you, Bae. I didn't have a choice. Bae: Stop lying because I know that you did! I know about the deal Pan offered you. He said all you had to do was ask me if I wanted to come home. Rumplestiltskin: (Whispers) He told you? Bae: He said that way I'd know if you really trusted me, if you really cared. Rumplestiltskin: Oh, please, Bae. Bae: You didn't need to. I would've chosen to come home. I would've chosen you! If only you asked. Maybe we could've found a way to be a family again. Rumplestiltskin: We can be. Bae. Bae! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: Tell me what I have to do to gain your trust, and I will. Neal: Give me The Dark One dagger. I know you. I know you wouldn't come all the way to Neverland without it. It's the only thing that can control you. It's the only thing that could stop you. You wouldn't take any chances with it. Mr. Gold: I don't have it. Neal: Why you lying? Mr. Gold: I'm not lying to you, Bae. I hid it so Pan couldn't get it, so he couldn't stop me. Neal: So un-hide it! Mr. Gold: My shadow took it. (Laughs) Neal: Your shadow. Man, you got an answer for everything, don't you? Mr. Gold: I'm telling you the truth, I swear. Neal: You know, maybe you did hide it. Maybe you do want to do the right thing. But that's today. What about tomorrow? Mr. Gold: I've changed. Neal: Have you? Mr. Gold: Yes. Neal: The prophecy still stands. You save him, he's still your undoing. Mr. Gold: I'm still willing to die for him. Neal: What happens if we get back, and you're reunited with Belle, and you realize that the only thing standing between you and your happy ending is my son? And suddenly, "undoing" doesn't sound so great. Mr. Gold: You're my happy ending. This is, because it's my redemption. I can be strong, son, if you have faith in me. (Lowered voice) Neal: You know, when I was living here and sleeping in a cave, I used to dream of you coming to rescue me. But then I'd wake up and remember how you left me behind. You left your own son behind for the power of that dagger. How can I think that things would ever be any different? (Whooshing) Mr. Gold: Neal. What are you doing? Neal: I'm gonna find Emma and the others and get the hell off this island. Then I'm gonna get my family back home. Mr. Gold: You can't go into the jungle alone. Without my power to protect you, Pan will capture you both! Neal: I'm sorry, I got no choice. We're safer without you. Good-bye, papa. (Crying) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Mary Margret: How can you be so sure it's a map? Hook: There was a short time in Neverland when Baelfire was aboard my ship. I taught him to navigate using the stars. What you're looking at is the fruit of my labors. Regina: Then you can read it. Hook: Sadly, no. David: I thought you just said you taught him how. Hook: Yes, but I also taught Neal something else. The key to being a pirate... secrecy. The best captains conceal their maps in a code. He was an apt pupil. Mary Margret: So you're saying the only person who can read this map is Neal? Emma: Which means the only person who can read it is dead. David: Emma, wait! Emma: Now is not the time. Mary Margret: I can't imagine even imagine the sadness you must be feeling. Emma: I'm not sad. I'm pissed. Yes, Neal just died, but I lost him years ago. (Voice breaking) Emma: All that time thinking that he didn't love me, only to find out that he did, and it was too late. I can't even tell him how angry that makes me, or how much it hurt when he left, or how terrified I was when he came back, because... I knew the moment I saw him, I never... I never stopped loving him. David: She'll be okay. Mary Margret: Really? David: We have done everything we can. Mary Margret: But that's the problem. (Voice breaking) Mary Margret: I have no idea how to comfort my own daughter. It is the first thing a mother learns, and I don't know how. David: I know. I feel the same way. But she is so upset, we have to get... Mary Margret: How can we even blame her? If you died, I would not be able to move on. David: You must. (Stammers) David: I'm just saying. Every day we're here, something bad could happen. And if it did to me, I'd want you to move on, to continue, to be happy. (Whispers) Mary Margret: That's really sweet, but nothing is going to happen to you, not while I'm here. (Sighs) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Neal: Emma. Pan: You were so close to finding her. You disappoint me. I thought I taught you better. Never break in somewhere unless you know the way out. Neal: I'll remember that for next time. Pan: Well, there isn't going to be a next time. But don't blame yourself. Your father could have protected you out here, sure. But then who would've protected Henry from him? Talk about a rock and a hard place. Neal: I will get my son back, no matter what it takes. Pan: You're not getting it. That's not the problem. You got him. I got him back. It's the game. No, my boy, the real problem for you is that there is no escaping Neverland. No one gets off this island without my permission. Neal: I've done it before. Pan: Did you? Look where you are now. It's like you never left. Neal: You saying you let me go? Pan: I'm saying everyone's where I want them. (Henry groans) Pan: Something to chew on. You know where to take him. Neal: No! Henry! Pan: Oh, don't worry. It won't be for very long. Neal: I'm alive! Pan: Just until I reset the board. See, the game is about to change. Neal: Don't give up hope, Henry! I will come for you! I promise! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] (Whoosh) (Sighs deeply) Belle: I'm so sorry, Rumple. Neal should have trusted you. Mr. Gold: How could he? After everything I've done? Belle: Well... He may not know what was in your heart, but I do. You would've protected Henry. You would've even given your own life to show Neal that you've changed. Mr. Gold: Are you asking me, or do you truly believe that? Belle: I know it with all my heart. What I don't know is why you look so upset now. I mean, Rumple, he's alive. Baelfire. You have something to live for. Mr. Gold: But the prophecy remains. Henry's still my undoing. Belle: That's why you're upset. You were so determined to die for the boy, but now? Having something to live for has brought back that nasty habit of self-preservation, hasn't it? Rumple... Habits can be broken, can't they? Mr. Gold: Go away, Belle. I don't want to talk right now. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. Pan's camp. [SCENE_BREAK] (Drums continue playing) (Lost boys whooping) (Groans) Henry: What happened? Pan: Oh, you fell asleep. Henry: I did? Pan: No, don't worry. It was just a little catnap. The night's still young. (Whooping continues) Henry: Wait. I... I remember something. My dad... When I was asleep, I... I could've sworn I heard him calling for me. Pan: Really? Henry: It must've been a dream. Pan: Well, how can you be sure? Henry: Because... 'Cause my dad's dead. Pan: I'm sorry, Henry. It makes sense for us to dream about the things we've lost and the things we hoped for, like your father being alive and your mother coming to find you. But eventually, you'll find new things to dream about. And when you do, they'll start to come true. Henry: How do you know? Pan: Because that's what I did. And now you're here. Neverland used to be a place where new dreams were born. You can bring that magic back, Henry. And we can be your family. I'd like to play a song, a song for our guest of honor... Henry. (Playing melody) [SCENE_BREAK] (Whooping continues) Pan: (Voice echoes) You can hear the music now, can't you, Henry? Henry: (Voice echoes) Yeah! (Lost boys yipping and whooping, voices echoing)
doc_186	Act One. Scene One - Apartment Martin is sat in his Armchair reading the paper, Daphne is sat at the table writing a letter. Daphne notices something. Daphne: Oh dear, your chair's got another big rip in the bottom. Martin: [looks] Where? [spots it] Oh! Hand me my re-upholstery kit, would you? [She slings him a large roll of duct tape] Thanks. He kneels down to patch the rip. Frasier comes out of the hall dressed in his best suit. Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, don't you look smart. Frasier: Well, I don't feel smart. I let Roz set me up another one of her blind dates. Daphne: Who's the lucky woman? Frasier: Oh, a friend from her aerobics class. Oh, perhaps it won't be so bad. She's thirty-two, has a terrific body, and apparently thinks I'm God's gift to broadcasting. Martin: Well, at least you have one thing in common. Frasier grimly watches his father repairing his chair. Frasier: Dad, when are you going to stop blighting the environment with this atrocity? [doorbell] My God, can't you see that it wants to die? Let it go! Martin: [sits back down] You know, I keep having this dream where you say the same words. Only I'm in the hospital and you're slipping the nurse a twenty. Frasier: Dad, that will never happen. Martin: Thank you. Frasier: I have medical power of attorney, it won't cost me a thing. He answers the door to Niles and Girl, his Maris-like dog. Niles: Hello, Frasier. We were in the neighborhood for a pedicure and a seaweed wrap and we thought we'd stop by. Of course, the pedicure was for... Martin: Stop right there! There's no way to finish that sentence that'll make me proud. Niles: I have some wonderful news. I just signed a lease for an apartment in one of the most exclusive buildings in Seattle. Frasier: You don't mean? Niles: I do. As of next week, I'll be a resident of... [holds out his lease] the Montana. Frasier: Niles, why would you want to live in such a stodgy building? When I applied there they treated me as if I was riff-raff. Niles: Well, if you're going to answer your own questions, what do you need me for? The best part is, I'll never have to give my address again. From now on, I'll simply be, "Dr. Niles Crane, The Montana." Daphne: That's a lovely building. I've only been there once, applying for a job. Niles: I can't imagine anyone turning down a chance to hire you. Daphne: I hope you're right, I haven't heard yet. Well, goodnight! She leaves to her bedroom. The three Crane men look unsettled. Martin: Hey, Frasier, you don't... Frasier: Oh, just relax, dad. It's just her way of angling for more vacation time. Martin: What if she isn't? Frasier: Well, they'd still have to call me for a reference. Either way, she's not going anywhere. Niles looks suddenly at Girl, who is not moving. Niles: Gosh, that's uncanny, dad. Martin: What is? Niles: The way she's taken with you. She's absolutely mesmerized. Martin: She is not. Niles: Oh, she is. She's just playing hard to get. [pushes Girl toward Martin] Go to Grampa. Isn't she warm and cuddly? [Martin reluctantly takes her on his lap] Oh, I see I'm going to have a tough time tearing you two apart! Frasier: You know, I'm going to go out on a limb here. The Montana doesn't accept pets, does it? Niles: On the contrary, they welcome them. Just not cats or dogs. Martin: Well, then you're in luck, because I don't know what the hell this thing is! Frasier: There is no way that dog is moving in here with us! Niles: Oh please, at least if she's here I'll be able to come and visit her. I cannot turn her over to strangers. [whispering confidentially] She worships me. Frasier: Oh pul-eeze, you must realise that dog has no genuine affection for you. [Niles looks confused] You only pretend that she does because she's a canine substitute for Maris! Niles: That is the most absurd psychobabble I have ever heard. Frasier: She is highly strung, cold to the touch and ignores you. My God, stand her upright, take ten pounds off her, put her in a Chanel suit, whatcha got? Niles: I'm sorry, that's ridiculous. Frasier: Oh, is it really? Do you remember that little pilbox hat that Maris wore to the the Duchamps' wedding? Niles: Absolutely. Frasier takes a small dip bowl and puts it at a cocked angle on Girl's head. As Martin nods in agreement, Niles staggers backward against the couch. [SCENE_BREAK] JUST CALL ME STINKY Scene Two - KACL. The next day, Frasier enters his booth. Roz is waiting with a clipboard. Roz: Hi, Frasier. So how did it go with Rita last night? Frasier: She didn't quite take to me. Roz: Oh, you're just being hard on yourself like you always are. Frasier: You tell me. Over appetizers, she suddenly remembered that she had a very early morning meeting, so she suggested we skip the jazz club after dinner. Roz: People have meetings. Frasier: Mmm-hmm. When the waiter suggested a soufflé for desert that would take an extra thirty minutes she said, "Oh Dear God, no!" Roz: She was probably on a diet. Frasier: After I dropped her off at home, I noticed she had left her suede jacked in my car. I called to offer to swing it by and she said, and I quote, "Just keep it." Roz: What did you do to her? Frasier: Nothing! God Roz, I have had it. In the past six months I have done everything a man can possibly do to meet a woman. Singles bars, blind dates, lecture series at the museum. I've even spent hours in the grocery store trying to look helpless in the produce department! That's it. I'm taking myself off the market. Frasier Crane has thumped his last melon. Roz: You know, Frasier... Frasier: Roz, Roz, please. I know what you're going to say. I should climb back on that horse, I'm too great a catch to give up now. Roz: No, I think you should give up. Frasier: [startled:] What? I don't really want to give up. I don't really want to give up, I was just saying that to get your sympathy. Roz: It happens sometimes. When you get into a really bad streak, you start to get desperate. Women can smell it. Frasier: Smell it? Roz: Mmm-hmm. As soon as the man begins to get overeager - you know, like complimenting you too much, or laughing too hard at all your jokes - you just want to turn and run! Frasier: I don't do that! Roz: Oh honey, wake up and smell... well yourself! You just have to air it out a little bit. And in my experience, the minute you stop looking, the perfect person falls right in your lap. Frasier: Well Roz, as much as I appreciate you comparing me to a dead squirrel in a heating duct, I think you're wrong. Christine, an employee, enters with some files. Christine: Hey, Roz. Roz: Hey. Christine: I got those pictures you were looking for. Hey, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Hey, you look really lovely today, Christine. It is Christine, isn't it? Christine: That's what it says on my driver's license. Frasier: [laughs hard] Very charming. [Roz and Christine leave] Oh God, I reek, don't I? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - The Montana Niles is completing the tour of his new, stylish apartment with Daphne and Martin. The decor and furniture are as expensive and classy as Frasier's, but the style is a little older. They end up on the small balcony overlooking the main room. Niles: ...inlay of Philippine mahogany. And we conclude our little tour back here in the living room. Daphne: It's very posh. [doorbell] Martin: Niles, why a bed in the living room? Niles: That's not a bed, dad. It's an antique fainting couch. Daphne: My goodness, they had furniture for everything back then, didn't they! Niles answers the door to Frasier. Niles: Ah, I'm glad you made it. Frasier: You know, Niles, this precious little building of yours isn't as exclusive as you think. Your doorman waved me right through. Niles: Oh, that's because he knows you. Frasier: Oh, fan of my show? Niles: No, he lives in your building. Martin: So Niles, what did you do about the dog? Niles: Oh, I found a wonderful family to adopt her. Daphne: Well, I'm sure it won't take you long to adjust to being alone again. Niles: Well, actually I won't have to. Follow me, there's someone I'd like you to meet. It was love at first sight! She's very exotic, only eats every other day, and she's so white she's almost blue! [exits to the kitchen] Martin: Wow, I'm getting nervous. That's what he said just before he introduced us to Maris! The gang enter Niles's kitchen, where a cockatoo is perched on his shoulder. Niles: Everybody, meet Baby. Baby: I love you. Frasier: You bought a bird? Niles: Well, I started to think how quiet it would be around here, and she is lovely and she is so affectionate. Baby: I love you. Niles: Ah! She says that all the time. I love you too, baby. Baby: I love you, grandma. Niles: She's still in transition from her last owner. The door buzzer sounds, causing Baby to squawk and dig her claws into Niles's shoulder. Niles: Ow, ow! Let go of my shoulder! You don't like that noise, do you, baby? Go to your food. [she does] Oh, good girl. Excuse me. He leaves the kitchen to answer the door. Daphne: Oh you know, I've always been fascinated by these birds that can actually learn how to talk. Martin: [walks to Baby] Aw, they can't talk. They just a drill a few words into them at the pet shop and they never learn anything else after that. Frasier: It is attractive, though. Martin: Yeah well, that's the way they are: Cute but stupid. Baby: Cute but stupid! Martin straightens up, surprised. Baby mimics him. Martin nods his head, Baby does the same. He starts bobbing up and down... Frasier: You know Daphne, I think we should leave these two alone. I sense a real battle of wits shaping up. Martin carries on. Frasier enters the living room as Niles shuts the door with mail in hand. Niles: Well, I'm off to an auspicious start in the building. One of my neighbours got my mail by mistake. Look at those bills, what must she think of me? Frasier: But Niles, everyone gets bills. Niles: Not at the Montana. They all have people. Their bills go to their people. I want them to think I have people too. I used to have people... only they were Maris's people. Frasier: Niles, if you keep this up you won't even have the people who don't care you don't have people. Niles: Well, it just shows how essential it is to make a good impression when moving into a new building, which is why I'm throwing a dinner party Friday night for a few select residents. I'll show them such a good time there'll be no question that I belong here. Frasier: Am I invited? Niles: Yes you are, but I'm afraid you can't bring a date. You know how I hate a crowded table. Frasier: It's alright. I've taken myself off the dating circuit. I'm afraid I was getting a bit desperate. Niles: Well, I was a bit concerned when you called to ask if Gloria was our first or second cousin. Martin sticks his head out of the kitchen. Martin: Niles, you gotta see this, your bird's eating peanut butter! It's even funnier than when Eddie does it! Niles: Dad! As Niles gets up, the door buzzes again. Niles: Frasier, would you get that? And pretend you're my people. Niles rushes into the kitchen to stop Martin whilst Frasier answers the door to a woman; Stephanie Garret. Stephanie: Oh, I'm sorry, I was looking for Dr. Crane. I found some more of his mail. Frasier: Well, I'm a Dr. Crane. I'm Niles's brother. Stephanie: Oh my gosh, you're Frasier Crane from the radio, aren't you? Oh, I love your show. Frasier: Thank you. Stephanie: Oh, Stephanie Garret. Frasier: [shakes hands] Stephanie. Stephanie: You know, em, you are not going to believe this but when I was a freshman at Harvard, I saw you perform the pirate king in a production of "Pirates Of Penzance." Frasier: Oh my God. Stephanie: No, no, you were great. You were so good, I brought my husband back to see you the next night. Well, he wasn't my husband then. Well, actually he's not my husband now. Frasier: Glad to hear that. No, glad to hear you came for a second time, not that you have an ex-husband. You know, I have one too. Not a husband, ex-wife. I mean a woman... is it getting hot in here? Stephanie: Yeah, a bit! [flustered laugh] Well, it was nice to meet you. Frasier: Wait, you know, Niles is having a little party on Friday for some of his enchanting new neighbors. [Niles appears listening in] Is there any chance you could join us? Stephanie: Yes, I think I could, if Niles has room. Niles: [faked:] The more the merrier! Stephanie: I'll look forward to it. [leaves] Frasier: As will I. She leaves. Frasier closes the door, excited. Frasier: Roz was right! As soon as I stop looking for the perfect woman, she falls right in my lap! Niles: Well, I hope you'll be comfortable with that arrangement, because that's where she'll be seated Friday night! End Of Act One. (Time: 10:20) Act Two. GET A GRIP [SCENE_BREAK] Scene One - The Montana In his apartment, Niles is setting the table with Baby on his shoulder. Niles: Bon Appetite, Bon Appetite. Now, you try it, Baby. Bon Appetite. Baby: Bon Appetite. Niles: What a quick little study you are. Bird-brained indeed! You already know more French than my father. The door buzzer sounds, making Baby dig her claws into him. Niles: Ow! Boy, if you don't get used to that doorbell we're going to have to give you a serious manicure. [sounds again and she digs in] Ow! I'm coming, I'm coming, stop ringing! He opens the door to Frasier. Frasier: Oh, good evening, Niles. Or should I say, "avast ye, matey!" Niles: I don't have time for your badinage, I'm only just putting out my place cards. Frasier: [picks up card] Place cards, how elegant. Who is Peter Soutendeck? Niles: He's on your right. He's an investment banker from Amsterdam, and apparently he handles a lot of Bill Gates's money. So don't say anything derogatory about the Netherlands or Microsoft. Frasier: Oh, damn. There goes my opening joke about the Dutchman trying to install Windows '95. [looks] Stephanie's over here, I'm not sitting next to her. Niles: I know, you see, Peter's bringing a date so I thought it would be better... [spots Frasier re-arranging:] What are youdoing? Frasier: Putting Stephanie next to me! Niles: And throwing off my whole seating arrangement? Frasier: Niles, surely you realise I've spent a long time looking for a woman like Stephanie. Niles: Yeah. Frasier: Now, listen. I'm afraid if you want to impress these people you've got to get a little more atmosphere here in the room. You know, I'll light the fire while you dim the lights a bit. Niles: [runs to lights] Oh, that's a good idea. By the way, be careful with that fireplace, it can be a bit... It's too late and Frasier causes the fire to flare up suddenly, causing Baby to jump onto Niles's head and dig her claws in. The flame shrinks immediately, but Baby stays put. Niles: Holding on a bit tight there, Baby, aren't you? Go to your perch. Go to your perch. [Baby doesn't move] Frasier, this bird's holding onto my scalp. [tries to move her but she won't budge] I can't pull it off. Frasier: Niles, after that jaunty beret you wore to brunch last Sunday, you can pull anything off. Niles and Frasier attempt to pull it off. Frasier begins pulling sharply which only causes distress for Niles. Niles: Get the lighter. Put fire near my head. Fire will frighten her off. Try that. Frasier tries this but Baby simply digs in deeper. Frasier: Oh here, the phone. He hands the phone to Niles who holds it next to his head and tries to get the bird to perch on the aerial. Frasier is surprised. Frasier: Niles, call for help! Niles: And who do you suggest we call, a Fez rental? Go on, Baby, go to your perch. [panicking:] Go to your food, go to your bed! Frasier: Niles, don't panic! Try to stay calm. Niles: How can I stay calm? I have six dinner guests arriving in exactly... The door buzzer sounds making Baby dig in even deeper. Niles: Ah, ow! Frasier: You go call the vet and I'll go and take care of things out here. Niles rushes to the kitchen whilst Frasier answers the door to Stephanie. Frasier: Oh, hello. Stephanie: Hello. Frasier: Please come in. Stephanie: [looking around] I'm not early, am I? Frasier: No, not at all. May I get you a drink? Stephanie: Ah, yes. White wine, please. [they head to the wine desk where Frasier pours] What a lovely table! [points to dining area] Frasier: Yes, I notice we happen to be sitting next to one another. Stephanie: Good, now I won't have to change the place cards around. Frasier: Well, [lifts glass] to the girl next door. Stephanie: Well, actually it's a little further down the hall. Frasier: Well, if you need a ride home tonight don't hesitate to ask. The door buzzer sounds creating painful noises from the kitchen. Stephanie: What was that? Frasier: Oh, I'm afraid Niles probably burned himself on something. Don't worry, he'll be fine. He answers the door to three more guests, an elderly couple and a younger woman. Frasier: Hello, please do come in. I'm Frasier Crane, Niles's brother. Carol: I'm Carol Larkin, my husband Alfred, this is our niece, Wella. Frasier: Nice to meet you. Please make yourself comfortable, I'm just going to run into the kitchen and check on the bird. Frasier enters the kitchen where Niles is on the phone to the vet. Imagine the sight. Niles: [on phone:] Uh-huh, uh-huh, so you've seen this thing before. I see. Alright, well, thank you. Frasier: What did he say? Niles: Well, he thinks she was traumatized by the fire and she had a shock. He said we shouldn't try to force her off, we need to relax her. Frasier: Fine, you take care of that, I've got the future Mrs. Crane out there in the other room. Niles: Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, how am I supposed to relax this bird? Frasier: I don't know. Oh, try delivering that keynote you gave at the psychiatric association last spring. Frasier enters the room again where all are sitting. Frasier: Everything alright out here? Alfred: Will Dr. Crane be joining us soon? Frasier: Oh yes, I believe so, any minute now. The doorbell sounds again, which causes more audible distress for Niles. Carol: Oh dear, something wrong? Frasier: I keep telling him, get yourself a decent oven mitt, but you know... He answers the door to Peter and Elaine. Frasier: Hello, please come in. I'm Frasier, Niles's brother. Peter: Peter Soutendeck, nice to meet you. This is Elanie Hensley. Elaine: Actually your brother and I are well acquainted. Maris is a dear, dear friend of mine. Frasier: Really? Elaine: Yes, [looks] so where is he? Frasier: He's in the kitchen, savoring for you tonight a lovely pheasant. We hear bird squawks from the kitchen. Frasier: As you know, he's a stickler for freshness! Frasier runs to the kitchen where Niles is standing with Baby still on his head, but with a towel over her. Try and imagine the sight. Frasier: Oh, what now? Niles: I'm trying to pretend like it's night so it'll fall asleep. Frasier: Well, you look very cute. Baby: Cute but stupid! Frasier: Listen Niles, I really can't stall them any longer, they're starting to ask questions. The Dutchman's date even knows Maris. Niles: What? What's her name? Frasier: Elaine somebody. Niles: Which Elaine? Maris knows three Elaines. Frasier: I don't know, she's very thin, she's exquisitely dressed, and dripping with attitude. Niles: Oh, like that narrows it down! Frasier and Niles pop their head round the door spying on Elaine taking a sip from her drink. They go back to the kitchen. Niles: Damn! I was afraid of that, it's the bad Elaine, Maris's oldest friend. Nothing would delight her more than to report back to Maris that I threw a soiree with a cockatoo on my head! Baby: Bon Appetite! The guests in the main room hear Baby's first French word. Elaine: What was that? Frasier: [entering with crab puffs and covering up:] Bon Appetite! Crab puff, anyone? Bon Appetite! Later on, Frasier is acting like host, telling the guests a joke. Frasier: At which point, the woman said to Churchill, "Sir, if you were my husband I would put poison in your coffee." To which Churchill sorely replied, "Madame, if you were my wife I'd drink it!" [laughs on his own] Perhaps you've heard that story. Alfred: Yes, from Churchill. Frasier: Well, can I freshen anyone's drink? Everybody holds up their empty wine glasses. Frasier: Perhaps I'll just bring the bottle around. As he goes to the bar, Stephanie comes over to him. Stephanie: I didn't realise that you were going to play host all night. I mean, we've hardly had a chance to talk, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to make it an early night. Yes, I'm leaving to Paris first thing in the morning and I was really hoping that we could spend some time alone. Frasier: And so we shall. As of this moment, it's just the two of us, you'll get my complete attention.. [sees Elaine walking to kitchen and he runs to block her] ...just after this. Oh Elaine, would you like a fill up? Elaine: Well actually I was seeing what Niles is up to in there, perhaps I can be of some help. Frasier: Well, you know you could pour the wine... Niles pulls Frasier into the kitchen, he still has the towel over his head. Frasier: You are totally ruining my chances with Stephanie! Niles: [sarcastic:] Yes, that was my first concern too. Toss. [Frasier begins tossing salad] You can't abandon me just because you're hoping she is just as horny as you are. Frasier: The first thing you've got to do is go to the vet and have that thing removed! Niles: Oh, are you mad? I can't walk through there with this thing on my head, I'd be the laughingstock of the Montana. Frasier: You can't spend the night in the kitchen! Niles: Frasier, these people live for gossip. I've only been here three days and I already know that Peter's a letch and Carol's a lush. What do think they'd say about me? Frasier: You know, I've spent the last forty-five minutes with these people. I think they are kind and understanding, I think they'll be very sympathetic with your problem. Niles: Really? Frasier: Yes. Niles: You don't think they'll laugh at me? Frasier: No, I don't. And furthermore, if you stay in here they'll think you're rude, bad-mannered, and - dare I say it - a bad host. Niles: Fine, I'll go out there. But if they ridicule me, let it be on your head! Open the door. Frasier enters the living room, telling them the news. Frasier: Everyone? Excuse me, Niles has had a little mishap, he will have to go to the doctor. It's nothing serious, he just has to have something removed. Niles! Niles enters with Baby on his head but without the towel. Frasier: You see, his bird suffered a kind of trauma and has attached itself to the scalp and we just... Niles: Frasier, Frasier, this isn't necessary. Good evening, everyone, I'm terribly sorry for all this. Elaine: [sympathetic:] Oh Niles, you mean all this time you've been hiding in there because of your bird? Oh, you poor thing. Peter: You know, the same thing happened to my mother once, only with her cat. Now that was a sight! Carol: Who hasn't had an embarrassing moment at a party? [drunk, she spills wine all over her and laughs] Look, I just spilled wine on my dress! Niles: This is such a relief. I must say, I feel a bit silly for staying in there for so long. Alfred: Are you in any pain? Niles: No, no. As long as no-one rings the doorbell I'm fine. Niles makes signs of talons digging in which makes them laugh. Frasier: Well, you know, you seem to relaxing a bit, maybe the bird will relax. Shall we give this another minute or two, everyone? [everyone agrees] Niles: Alright then, who needs more wine? [he begins to pour still with the bird on his head] Alfred, white for you. And would anyone like some cheese or a cracker? Baby: Squawk. Niles: No, no, Baby, guests first! Oh Carol, that dress is absolutely smashing! Carol: Why, thank you. Baby: Carol's a lush. Carol: Did the bird just say something? Wella: It sounded like it said... Baby: Carol's a lush. Alfred: Where would a bird learn a phrase like that? Niles: Birds today! You don't know where they pick these things up! Well, shall we all join Peter at the table? Baby: Peter's a letch. Peter: What did that say? Niles: I said, "let's all sit down." Baby: Peter's a letch. Peter: Is this your idea of a joke? Alfred: I've had quite enough of this. [they begin to leave] Niles: Hang on Carol, don't go, I did not teach the bird these phrases, I don't know where she picked them up. Frasier: Please, you'll stay won't you, Stephanie? Baby: Stephanie's horny! Stephanie: [agape] Oh my God, is that what you've been saying about me behind my back?! Frasier: No, no, I never said that about you, I said that about me! I'm the horny one, all I said was you were very cute. Baby: Cute but stupid! Stephanie: [sarcastic:] Well, thank you both for a wonderful evening! Good evening! Frasier: Stephanie, please let me explain. Niles: [follows her to the door] I know we got off on the wrong foot, but we are going to be neighbours, so... She rings the door buzzer and holds it down, making him scream. She leaves. Frasier: Well... thank you very much! Niles: Oh please, I lost far more than you did! Frasier: Really? That was one of the most promising romantic prospects I've had in years! What have you lost? The respect of a parched lush and a Dutch letch! Thanks for learning that, Baby! Niles: Alright, I apologize. Frasier: Thank you. I suppose I could drive you to the vet now. Maybe we should take the service elevator? Niles: Oh, what's the point? I don't think my reputation can suffer anymore than it already has. Frasier: I wouldn't be so sure about that. Wearing a white bird after Labor day! They leave. End of Act Two. (Time: 21:15) [SCENE_BREAK] Niles, with no bird, is on the phone talking urgently to the vet. The shot pans to Frasier sitting on the fainting couch with Baby on HIS head, with a towel draped over her. He dips a cracker in hs wine, and tries to feed it to her. Baby won't eat it, so he grumpily eats it himself.
doc_187	"The Pain in the Heart" [SCENE_BREAK] (Open: Flash back to final scene of previous episode "The Wannabe in the Weeds". Booth has just been shot by Pam Nunan and Brennan is leaning over him telling him he's going to be fine - as if she's reliving the moment.) BRENNAN: Booth, you're gonna be fine. Really. Come on. Come on, Booth. It's gonna be fine. Come on, Booth. Come on, Booth. No! Oh, come on... (Fade into: Medico Legal Lab - Forensic Platform. Brennan and Zack are going over remains from Limbo) BRENNAN: The carbon isotopic composition of the collagen, shows a value of minus 16%.ZACK: Supporting the theory that the deceased was born in Provence, France. (Hodgins, Angela, Cam and Sweets join them on the platform, all dressed in dark colors) BRENNAN: In the 16th century... HODGINS: It's time, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: (ignoring Hodgins) The metacarpal phalangeal joints are smooth, showing dexterity. Perhaps a musician.. CAM: That's enough. We're going. Now. BRENNAN: I have remains to identify. He could have a family. ANGELA: He's 500 years old. They've probably adjusted by now. BRENNAN: I'm not going. I've already made that clear. SWEETS: It's Agent Booth's funeral, Dr. Brennan. Losing a loved one is - BRENNAN: A partner, Sweets. I lost a partner. SWEETS: Someone close to you. The funeral allows you to grieve so you can come to terms with his death. BRENNAN: The Arunta Aboriginal tribe in Australia grieve by burning down their village and - and moving to a new one. That seems no crazier to me than gathering around a hole in the ground. SWEETS: Being hostile won't - ANGELA: Brennan...a word. SWEETS: Excuse me? Professional psychologist. (Angela pulls Brennan aside and holds up a finger to Sweets - indicating to give her a minute) ANGELA: Look. I know how you see things, and I respect that, but I need to ask you a favor. (She holds up Booth's funeral card) ANGELA: I have to go to the funeral. I'm not going to be able to get through this alone. I've been crying for, like, days. I really need your shoulder here. I need my best friend. (Cut to: Arlington National Cemetery. Everyone is gathered around a casket and Caroline is giving the eulogy. It's Booth's funeral.) CAROLINE: I knew Seeley Booth. He was a good man who earned my respect and affection. And I don't like many people. Booth had a selfless commitment to his work, first in the military and then the FBI. Two weeks ago, he made the ultimate sacrifice - giving his life to save his partner. And in the brave act, he showed us what greatness we are all capable of. BRENNAN: (loudly, to Angela) That woman was aiming at me and I would have happily taken that bullet. ANGELA: I know. CAROLINE: May God's mercy and love shine on Seeley Booth as he takes his place beside the Lord. BRENNAN: (loudly, to Angela) If there were a merciful God, why wouldn't he have saved Booth. (Drums start playing as the officers prepare to fire their weapons) OFFICER: Standby. (Camera pans to one of the officers and it's revealed that it's Booth.) OFFICER: At ease. (A man starts to walk towards the coffin, as the rest of the officers continue to follow commands) OFFICER: Aim. (Booth pushes through Zack and Sweets and punches the man, knocking him to the ground) ANGELA: What the hell is going on? (The casket is pushed to the ground and it opens up, revealing a dummy body inside.) ZACK: They appear to be fighting. (The man and Booth fight on the ground and Brennan watches. The man punches Booth and Brennan runs over to the casket to grab the dummy's arm and uses it to knock out the man. She immediately starts to move towards Booth - looking extremely angry) BOOTH: Bones! Nice shot. (He notices her anger) What? (Brennan punches Booth in the jaw and then stops off. Booth groans) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Booth and Brennan are walking out of Brennan's office.) BOOTH: After I got shot, the Bureau faked my death so I could finally get that guy. BRENNAN: I don't care. BOOTH: Look, I drove him underground. He said the only way that we would ever see him again would be at my funeral, so... BRENNAN: I don't care. HODGINS: Who is he? BOOTH: What part of "National Security" don't you understand, Hodgins? HODGINS: "National Security": catch-all phrase for "we can do anything we want" BRENNAN: I knew I shouldn't have gone to that funeral. It was a complete waste of time, just like I said. BOOTH: Wait a second, you thought that my funeral was a waste of time? CAM: I thought it was a lovely service, Booth. BOOTH: Thank you. You know, I expected to see more people though. HODGINS: I always imagined a lot of ex-girlfriends crying. BOOTH: Yeah, me too. ANGELA: You guys are pathetic. BRENNAN: Just know I won't be attending your next funeral. BOOTH: Bones, I'm telling you. You were supposed to know that I wasn't really dead. I swear! That's why I thought you weren't crying! CAM: Informed by who, exactly? BOOTH: I gave a list of people to the bureau to inform that I was not really dead. You know what? They didn't tell you, it's not my fault. SWEETS: Dr. Brennan's actually upset because she had to face strong emotions that she'd rather deny. Striking Agent Booth, indicated the depth of your feelings for him. It was a very passionate act. BOOTH: (to Sweets) Thank you! (to Brennan) Did you hear that? Passion! BRENNAN: Yes, passion, because anger is a passion! Anger at being manipulated! ZACK: Dr. Brennan? BRENNAN: Pretend to be dead- BOOTH: Aw forget it. I'm outta- ZACK: Someone left a package for you. (He hands her a package wrapped in plain brown paper - with "Dr. Temperance Brennan" written on it in marker. She opens it to find a box. Inside that box contains a mandible and 2 silver screws) BOOTH: Oh! BRENNAN: It's a mandible. BOOTH: Look at that, huh. Two silver screws. HODGINS: Silver screws as in... ANGELA: Silver skeleton? HODGINS: As in.. CAM: Gormogon? BRENNAN: That's speculation. (She examines the mandible closer.) ZACK: Tooth marks. BOOTH: Someone's been snacking on that. CAM: Snacking? As in cannibalism? BRENNAN: Evidence of cannibalism does not necessarily mean- BOOTH: Bones, it's Gormogon. Has to be. CAM: Oh, god. Who has he eaten this time. (Opening Credits) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Platform. The team is gathered around a television watching Sweets on TV) SWEETS: (On TV) This is the fifth known victim in the Gormogon murders, all of which have been subjected to ritualized cannibalism. FEMALE REPORTER: He has apprentices? SWEETS: Yes. One at all time to help perform the murders, dispose of the bodies, eradicate evidence. His mission, it seems, is to construct a complete skeleton out of the bones of his victims. CAM: I've seen enough. (She turns off the TV) BRENNAN: (turning to the platform) Booth? BOOTH: Bones, I'm thinking here. BRENNAN: Thinking about what exactly? CAM: Well, it's a pickle. The platform's a crime scene but we need to access it to investigate the crime. ANGELA: A "cake and eat it too" situation. ZACK: Is it a cake or a pickle? HODGINS: It's Schrodinger's Cat. ZACK: That I understand. Cakes and pickles mean nothing to me. BRENNAN: Are you paralyzed by the paradox, Booth? CAM: I'll make this easy. What do you need first? BOOTH: Identity. CAM: Let's go people. (The rush up the stairs, past Booth, and start getting to work on the platform) BOOTH: Whoa. Hey, easy! Alright, you can't...alright. There ya go. (The team huddles around he mandible.) CAM: Okay, the tooth sockets may contain enough tissue to check DNA. BRENNAN: Zack, there are markings on this bone that need to be checked out. ZACK: It appears to have been boiled. HODGINS: I'll see if I can pull any mineral traces that can help us determine the water he used. (The disperse and go about their tasks) BOOTH: Okay. I, uh, give you all permission to do whatever it is that you squints do. I'll, uh, just... (he brakes the crime scene tape on the stairs and starts backing down) Call me. (to the FBI agents at the bottom of the stairs) Let's go. (Cut to: Booth's Bathroom. Booth is lounging in the tub, sipping beer from his beer helmet when Brennan barges in.) BRENNAN: I need to talk to you! BOOTH: What the hell, Bones! I'm in my house, in my bathroom, in my bathtub! (Brennan walks over to the record player and turns it off) How the hell did ya get in here anyway? BRENNAN: Well, that fake rock by your front door wouldn't fool anybody. Why are you wearing a hat that dispenses beer? BOOTH: Hot tub, plus cold beer equals warm beer. Hat? Equals solution. So why are you - BRENNAN: And that cigar? Very unhealthy. BOOTH: Okay, what the hell do ya want now, Bones? Okay? Cause I'm not really feeling too relaxed. BRENNAN: You should have told me that you weren't dead. BOOTH: I already explained this to you. The bureau has to vet everyone when there is a security issue. I was just following protocol. BRENNAN: Protocol!? BOOTH: Yes! BRENNAN: We've been partners for three years, Booth, and you've broken protocol before - sometimes putting my life in danger. Which makes sense because you clearly don't have any real concern for me. BOOTH: (standing up) I took a bullet for you! BRENNAN: Once! That only goes so far (realizing that Booth is standing there, naked) Would you like a towel? (He sinks back into the tub) BOOTH: Fine. What is it that I should have done, Bones? Wha- what did you want me to do? BRENNAN: Well, you could have called me. Did you really think I needed to be vetted by your boss? I mean, don't you trust me? BOOTH: Of course I do. BRENNAN: Then why wasn't I told. It must have been something that you said. BOOTH: No. I don't know why you weren't told. BRENNAN: But you - you said that I should be. I mean, aren't you curious why I wasn't? BOOTH: Yes! Do you want me to find out why you weren't told? BRENNAN: If it's important to you. BOOTH: Fine. I will. The next time I die, I promise that I will tell you. BRENNAN: I'll look forward to that. BOOTH: Me too. (He opens up a "Green Lantern" comic book and starts reading) BRENNAN: What are you reading? BOOTH: A novel. (She looks at him) It's a graphic novel. BRENNAN: Just so you know, I find your lack of Puritan modesty very refreshing. (Booth lowers the comic book to cover himself and Brennan leaves the room, turning the music back on as she walks out the door.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - platform) ZACK: The marks on the mandible definitely indicate that the bones have been gnawed on. HODGINS: But, but not with teeth. ZACK: The markings were made by someone wearing dentures. CAM: Well, a toothless cannibal just can't cut it in todays competitive serial killer climate. How do you know he wore dentures. HODGINS: Zack found traces of polymethylmethacrylate monomer tetrasalisic floramicha on the mandible. (9:41) CAM: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that's what dentures are made of. (Cam picks up her phone and dials)ZACK: But not normal commercial dentures you get from the dentist. HODGINS: Main ingrediant is polymethyl methacrylic. ZACK: These dentures were homemade. CAM: (into phone) I got our victims DNA results back. (During the conversation, camera cuts between Booth - in the bathtub and Cam - in the lab) BOOTH: Is it the Lobbyist? CAM: Yup. Gormogon's last victim. BOOTH: I was wondering when some part of him would show up. CAM: (hears the water going down the drain) What's that sucking sound? BOOTH: You know what? This is MY house. Okay? You come into my house there's not telling what you're gonna hear. (he hangs up abruptly. Cam wonders what that was all about.) ZACK: Dr. Saroyan. (Cam hangs up her phone) Regarding the denture medium, if we recreate the process- HODGINS: Could tell us a lot about Gormogon's resources. CAM: If you want to do one of your experiments, just say it. HODGINS & ZACK: (in unison) We want to do one of our experiments. CAM: Go! (she points towards towards the door, smiling.) Make plastic, cannibal dentures. (Cut to: Basement of the Jeffersonian - Sweets, Brennan and Booth are there) SWEETS: You should place the jawbone in the skeleton. BRENNAN: Why? SWEETS: Cause it keeps alive an interactive relationship with the killer. That's why he provided the screws. You know, we give him something, he reciprocates. Did you see me on TV? No one has mentioned that I was on TV. BOOTH: Alright, look. How would he know if we added the jawbone to the skeleton? SWEETS: Well, it's his obsession. He has some way of finding out, which is another reason to do it. Okay. Both of you are purposely not mentioning my appearance. BRENNAN: Well, for all we know, Gormogon is dead and we're not on the list of people who get to find that out. (Brennan heads for the stairs, the guys follow) SWEETS: There's s cry for attention. BOOTH: Bones broke into my house last night, all angry- BRENNAN: (talking over Booth) There was a key! BOOTH: because no one told her that I was dead. And I was just following protocol. SWEETS: Broke into your house? BRENNAN: There was a key. BOOTH: And barged into my bathroom. SWEEETS: (laughs) What were you doing? BRENNAN: He was drinking beer and reading a comic book. BOOTH: I was taking a bath. SWEETS: You read comics and drink beer naked?BOOTH: Wait a second. Bones bursts into MY bathroom, alright, and I'm weird for being naked? (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab - Hodgins and Zack are preparing for the experiment) ZACK: This thermoplastic has a melting point of approximately 1800 degrees Fahrenheit. This would work better if we created a paste from the monomer and polymethylmethacrylate powder HODGINS: That would entail the complicated use of cosolvents to allow copolymerization without substantial phase separation. Monomers melting point is far below the polymethylmethacrylate. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab - Booth, Brennan and Sweets are walking near the Forensics Platform) SWEETS: So you didn't tell her to leave? You just sat there, naked? BOOTH: It was my own bathroom, okay? What do you wear in the tub? Floaties? (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab - Hodgins and Zack are still preparing for the experiment) HODGINS: Ready for the monomer? ZACK: Yes. I believe so. The mold is over there on the side table. HODGINS: Why don't you get the mold and I'll mix in the monomer? ZACK: No. I'll mix it in. Please hand me the monomer, then the mold. (He goes to hand Zack the monomer, but then pulls it back) HODGINS: Since when did I become the assistant? ZACK: Since I became the uncontested "King of the Lab". (Hodgins hands Zack the monomer and then walks away. Zack puts the monomer into the pot - which causes an explosion. The alarms sound and Booth, Brennan and Sweets run toward its source.) SECURITY GUARD: Move to the exits, now!(They see Hodgins on the floor) BRENNAN: Hodgins! HODGINS: I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm okay. (They see Zack, his hands are still through the Plexiglas and badly burned. He's breathing heavily. Booth tries to move the debris away from him.) BRENNAN: Oh my god. Zack? CAM: Okay, a medical teams on it's way. Oh my - I'll get the burn kit. BRENNAN: Is he okay? BOOTH: He's in shock, Bones. Look at his hands. BRENNAN: Zack? (cut to shots of them all looking at Zack, in shock) Zack. (Cut to: Regional Medical Center - ICU- Brennan is sitting in a chair next to Zack's bed while Booth is standing behind her.) ZACK: Is Hodgins okay? BRENNAN: He's fine. Just a few minor cuts. BOOTH: Yeah. Don't worry about it, Zack. Alright? We're gonna fix ya up. You're gonna be as good as new. ZACK: That would be impossible, Agent Booth. The damage is- BOOTH: We'll make sure we get you the best doctors. BRENNAN: The cartilage is destroyed, Booth. ZACK: In addition, the trapezoid and hamate on my left hand are- BOOTH: Hey. Hey, how about a little optimism here, huh? ZACK: I know that I can still be quite useful. Mentally, I"m still exceptional and with prosthesis- (Hodgins enters the room, followed by Angela and Cam.) HODGINS: Hey. How are ya, Zack? ZACK: Quite severely injured. Are you alright? HODGINS: I'm okay, man. ANGELA: Hey, anything you need, Zack. Just ask. CAM: Do you know how this happened? ZACK: I just added the 3 grams of monomer. HODGINS: But that doesn't make sense. There are no dipoles like amide or carbonyl in the monomer. Were there? ZACK: No. Just simple phenylethene. HODGIND: That's what I thought. And the PMMA was just- BOOTH: Hodgins. He has third degree burns. BRENNAN: The doctor said you should rest, Zack. HODGINS: She's right. Hey. We're gonna figure this out, okay? CAM: And you won't be alone, Zack. One of us will be here all the time. ZACK: Well, that's not necessary. ANGELA: Yes it is. Because we - love you. (Hodgins puts his hand on Zack's forehead) I'll take the first shift. CAM: And I'll write us a schedule. BRENNAN: I'll get you whatever you need to keep your job. We'll get through this. ZACK: Thank you, Dr. Brennan. (Brennan gets up and kisses him on the forehead, then leaves - leaving Angela and Zack alone) (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Hodgins and Sweets are by his desk) HODGINS: A simple monomer wouldn't explode. It just wouldn't happen. SWEETS: Isn't the FBI handling the analysis of the explosive residue? HODGINS: Excuse me if my faith in the bureau isn't absolute. SWEETS: So you don't trust Agent Madison? HODGINS: I'm just getting my own results to double check. I'm sure he's - fine - but I'm independent. SWEETS: You suspect that there could be a conspiracy within the bureau? HODGINS: Do I hear a little 'tude, young man? SWEETS: No, no, no. Why would there be a conspiracy in this case? Totally 'tudeless question.HODGINS: Prominent public figures being murdered and eaten. Evidence that secret societies are being targeted - societies that have great influence in the halls of power - like the bureau. SWEETS: You don't think that's a bit extreme. HODGINS: You went on Larry King to talk about this case. And TMZ because you know how big it is and to get your piece of it. SWEETS: I'm a doctor. I'm merely studying the case like you. HODGINS: Right. (he brings up results on the computer screen) Oh, man. I should have known. AGENT MADISON: What? HODGINS: You expect me to tell you the answer, Agent Madison? AGENT MADISON: It's tricyclic acetone peroxide. HODGINS: He's not bad. AGENT MADISON: It reacted with the molten thermal plastic and - (he makes an exploding noise) Boom. HODGINS: The containers must have been switched. Zack thought he was adding a monomer he had made himself but it was actually a volatile explosive. (Cut to Medico-Legal Lab. Sweets is on the phone in the hallway near Brennan's office.) SWEETS: (into phone) Yes. I'm busy. Cancel all my patients. You don't have to tell them anything- (Booth comes up behind Sweets and starts dragging him towards Brennan's office.) SWEETS: What are you doing? BOOTH: A word? SWEETS: I'm on the phone. BOOTH: Well, hang up. SWEETS: (into phone) Okay, I'll talk to you later. (he hangs up and puts the phone in his pocket. Then to Booth.) Ah, tight grip you got there.. BOOTH: And it could get tighter. So go ahead. Tell her. SWEETS: Tell her what? BRENNAN: Tell me what? BOOTH: Tell her now. SWEETS: What? BOOTH: Fine. I'll tell her. Okay? I sent my list to the bureau. They sent it to Sweets. You were the one who decided not to tell Dr. Brennan that I was still alive. He's the one that you should have slugged, so do it. Go ahead and do it now. BRENNAN: What? You choose not to tell me? SWEETS: Yes, it's true. Technically. BOOTH: Technically? SWEETS: Okay, I reviewed the list and decided, knowing Dr. Brennan as I do, that she was in fact able to handle your death. BOOTH: (to Brennan) Slug 'em. SWEETS: It was a National Security issue. The fewer people that knew Agent Booth was alive, the safer he would be. BRENNAN: I think that was a good choice. SWEETS: Awesome. BOOTH: You do?! BRENNAN: Yes. You knew that Booth's death was something that I could deal with because I can compartmentalize. BOOTH: Woah. Wait a minute. Now why are you mad at me then? BRENNAN: Because you should have told me, personally. BOOTH: Oh, I should have just ignored National Security concerns, broken the law and told you. BRENNAN: Yes. You know I'm very trustworthy. BOOTH: Yeah, but Sweets... BRENNAN: Sweets made a professional decision. He knew I could process your death and move on - which is precisely what I did. SWEETS: That's right. BOOTH: There's gotta be other stuff going on here, right? SWEETS: What? BOOTH: Transference. Uh, paranoia. Come on! I mean, when I offer her a piece of pie you say it has deeper meaning. BRENNAN: I don't like pie, Booth. BOOTH: Well, apple pie. She doesn't like baked pie. BRENNAN: I don't like my fruit cooked. SWEETS: Okay, changing the subject is a way to avoid your feelings. BOOTH: My feelings. Okay, now you're attacking my feelings? (Cam appears in the doorway) CAM: Hey. There's something in the Gormogon vault I think you should see. BOOTH: (moves past Sweets to the door - but to Brennan) Slug 'em. SWEETS: You know, I think it's interesting, psychologically how Agent Booth's constant efforts to persuade you to enjoy fruit pie could be interpreted as a kind of seduction. BOOTH: Whatever you two are talking about? Just stop it. Zip it. Let's go. (Cut to: Stairs leading down to the Gormogon Vault. Brennan stops Sweets on the stairs when Booth and Cam are out of earshot.) BRENNAN: You think I don't recognize an experiment when I see one? You experimented on us. SWEETS: Beg your pardon. BRENNAN: Not telling me Booth was alive? You wanted to quantify our reactions for your own research? You took advantage of us. Booth and I agreed to let you observe us. We did not agree to be used as lab rats, so you better cut it out. SWEETS: Dr. Brennan, why are you talking so fast? BRENNAN: Because if Booth hears why you did what you did? He'd beat ya up. SWEETS: Don't you think that'd be an overly aggressive act? BRENNAN: Not at all. So you better not do it again. (They start to head down the stairs) BOOTH: (O.S) Let's go, Bones. Where are you? SWEETS: On our way. (The four of them enter the vault) CAM: Security had the entrance to this wing locked and the vault, itself, was secured. BRENNAN: The skeleton. BOOTH: Where'd it go? HODGINS: We don't know. I came down to see if the screws matched the silver in the skeleton and the skeleton was gone. SWEETS: But there are security cameras and sensors covering every inch of this place. CAM: They all failed. BOOTH: All of them? CAM: When Zack's explosion set off all the alarms, every security camera in the building failed. HODGINS: The door to the loading dock was unlocked. BRENNAN: Someone stole the skeleton! (Cam walks over to the computer to bring up the security footage) CAM: Ten minutes before the explosion - HODGINS: Everything is working perfectly. CAM: Fast forward; Hodgins passes Zack the container of tricyclic acetone proxide.. HODGINS: I thought it was the monomer. CAM: The explosion occurred at 12:03 and 22 seconds. At 12:03 and 22 seconds - (the screens on the computers are nothing but snow) BOOTH: Aren't there any backup systems? CAM: All dead too. BRENNAN: Where were the guards? CAM: There was a chemical accident. That takes precedence over any other security issue. All personnel went to secure the lab or went to secure any point that went to the museum proper so there'd be no loss of life. BRENNAN: During that time, the vault and the skeleton would be unsecured. CAM: Yes, until the security system was brought back up at 12:18 and 41 seconds. The explosion was a diversion set up by Gormogon. BOOTH: He's here in the lab. It's an inside job. Gormogon works at the Jeffersonian. BRENNAN: Either Gormogon or his new apprentice. (Booth dials a number) SWEETS: It is a totally freaky thought. BOOTH: (into phone) Yeah, it's Booth. Listen, I need a full forensic team sent to the Jeffersonian. Mobile labs, computers, analysis - the works. No. Their equipment could be compromised. (Cut to: Basement of the Jeffersonian - 2 hours later. Cam is walking into a room that is filled with FBI Agents. One is using body recognition software to see if anyone is out of the ordinary.) CAM: Hair? Prints? Anything? FBI FORENSIC TECH MARCUS GEIER: Not since you asked five minutes ago. No. CAROLINE: Dr. Saroyan. Please don't bother the techs. You have a problem? You see me. CAM: It's my people you suspect here. I wanna make sure your doing your job. After all, you're a prosecutor, not a forensic- CAROLINE: You have been breathing down our necks for two hours, Cherie. Why don't you go get a latte or something. You should be here anyway. CAM: This is my department! CAROLINE: I know. And you have full security clearance and complete access to the lab and the vault. CAM: Are you saying I'm a suspect now? CAROLINE: I'm saying someones gonna put your name on the list. You were a cop. Wouldn't you? CAM: You've got over thirty agents here. Find something. (Cam storms off.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Royal Diner. Booth and Brennan are having coffee.) BRENNAN: The Medico-Legal lab has over 100 employees. BOOTH: Yeah, and all their records are being looked at - including yours and mine. BRENNAN: What, you're just having coffee? Don't you want pie? BOOTH: I'm fine. BRENNAN: But you always have pie. BOOTH: Can we stop talking about pie? BRENNAN: Is it because of what Sweets said? (Sweets enters and walks over toward their table) BOOTH: I'm just going pie-less. Okay? SWEETS: Can we talk for a minute? I have a profile of someone I feel could be Gormogon. (he notices Booth is only having coffee.) No pie? You always eat pie. BOOTH: Enough with the pie, will you just sit down? SWEETS: Alright. BRENNAN: Whoa! You've been spying on us? More experiments? BOOTH: What experiments? SWEETS: I'm just being thorough. The dynamics of our work environment play a role in how I treat you and Agent Booth. BOOTH: Okay, Sweets. Will you just get on with it? Who is it? SWEETS: I believe it's Dr. Hodgins. BRENNAN: What is Dr. Hodgins? BOOTH: Gormogon. He thinks Hodgins is Gormogon. (Brennan makes a face like she is about to protest.) SWEETS: Hodgins exhibits clinical paranoia as well as a rationalized feeling of superiority. BRENNAN: Paranoia. SWEETS: Yeah. He's consumed by numerous conspiracy theories. My observations today? He's even suspect of the FBI, with whom he works closely. BRENNAN: That's all supposition. There's not concrete evidence. BOOTH: (to Brennan)No, no, no. (to Sweets) Go on. BRENNAN: Booth! BOOTH: What? Hodgins knew all about the secret societies. I mean, he figured out the patterns Gormogon used that led us to the vault. BRENNAN: Yes. He was doing his job. SWEETS: Or justifying himself. He had access to all the chemicals Zack was using. He could have changed the labels. BOOTH: He and Zack are friends... BRENNAN: I also had access to the chemicals Zack made. Why am I not a suspect? SWEETS: Well, you have a reverence for life that belies the cold, calculations of a killer. And the emotional connection you share with Agent Booth... BRENNAN: No. That..I - (she starts getting up) I don't have time for this. No. (she leaves) BOOTH: (to Sweets) Don't you know by now you can't rush her? (Booth gets up to go after her) SWEETS: We're trying to catch a killer. I thought it best not to waste time. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Booth and Brennan are walking into Brennan's office.) BOOTH: Look, he's just trying to help, Bones. BRENNAN: Well, his opinions won't get you a conviction. He doesn't have any evidence. BOOTH: Yeah, but he's a profiler with a great track record. (Cam enters behind them) CAM: Who? BOOTH: Sweets. BRENNAN: Sweets says that Hodgins is the killer. CAM: Well, it makes sense. BRENNAN: What? CAM: What? Throw suspicion off him. BOOTH: Who? CAM: Sweets. BOOTH: You think that Sweets is the killer? CAM: Well, he shows up right after you find the Gormogon vault, when Gormogon's at his most vulnerable. And in therapy, he plays you two like a cheap piano until you ask for his help with the case. BOOTH: Wait a second. Nobody plays me like a cheap piano. CAM: No, hey! We all trusted the brilliant, young, profiler. I got him security clearance because he was gonna help us. BRENNAN: He was here. He had the opportunity to switch Zack's chemicals. BOOTH: Wait. Except he's not a chemist. CAM: He's the only one we can't account for after the explosion. BRENNAN: What? Great. Now we sound like Sweets. We have no evidence. CAM: I was a cop for ten years, Dr. Brennan. I can smell it on him. BRENNAN: I- I'm sorry, but we need more than your gut feeling. CAM: Well, then find it. Cause trust me, Sweets is your boy. (Cam leaves) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab- Cam's office. She's checking out something on her computer screen when Hodgins walks in. She notices him and jumps.) CAM: Dr. Hodgins, knocking would be appreciated. HODGINS: Right. Sorry. So rumor is one of us is a suspect. Who is it? CAM: I can't say. You know that. HODGINS: Of course not. And since it's rumor, it might not even be true. Right? CAM: Do you have a legitimate reason to see me or are you just here to squeeze me for information? HODGINS: I found something. ( Hodgins walks over to Cam's and starts bringing up something on her computer screen) HODGINS: Zack said he thought the mandible had been boiled. CAM: To remove tissue. HODGINS: I pulled trace elements from the mandible and ran them through the mass spectrometer to see what the bone was boiled in. It was tap water. But see this spike here? (he points to the screen) CAM: Lead? HODGINS: Yes. CAM: I thought the city had to replace all their lead pipes. HODGINS: They did, but individual homeowners didn't. I focused on neighborhoods with the highest lead levels. Older homes were the worst offenders (He brings up a map. Part of it is shaded in blue) This neighborhood matches the level of lead found on the victims bone. CAM: Isn't that your house? HODGINS: Yes. It is. But there are other people that live in the area too. CAM: Yes, of course. I'll pass this along to the investigators. HODGINS: Good. CAM: Is there anything else? HODGINS: I could have fudged the facts. Could have left my neighborhood out. CAM: Yes, but that would have raised suspicion if someone had double checked your results. HODGINS: If you need me, I'll be at my station. Helping. (Hodgins leaves) (Cut to Royal Diner. Sweets is sitting at the counter when Booth and Brennan enter.) SWEETS: Hey. This is a surprise. ( Booth and Brennan take a seat on either side of him) BOOTH: Yeah. Hey, Sweets, uh, where were you after the explosion? SWEETS: I was with you. BRENNAN: No. You were with us when the explosion occurred. BOOTH: I mean after. SWEETS: Uh, let's see. I ran to call 911. BRENNAN: Where? SWEETS: In your office. Why? BOOTH: Then what?SWEETS: Then I went to the door to show the EMT's where to go. BRENNAN: Hmm, you didn't come in with them. SWEETS: No. I find it's best to stay out of the way of the professionals in those situations. Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot one thing. BOOTH: What's that? SWEETS: I went down to the vault and I stole the silver skeleton because, um, I'm Gormogon's apprentice. BOOTH: That's a confession. You know, I can lock him up for 72 hours. SWEETS: You'd lock me up for sarcasm? BRENNAN: I - I think you should. SWEETS: Wait. You guys actually think that I'm Gormogon's apprentice? BOOTH: Well, somebody is. That way I can lock you up, check out your story and not worry about you running off to Bolivia. SWEETS: This is fierce wretched. BRENNAN: Better safe than sorry. BOOTH: Yeah. SWEETS: No. You're projecting, Agent Booth. You have a reasonable hostility toward Gormogon but you have no outlet for those feelings so you're using me - BOOTH: Am I gonna have to break out my cuffs? SWEETS: You know what? Yeah. You are gonna need your cuffs cause I'm not about to make this easy for you. (Cut to: Regional Medical Center - ICU. Zack is asleep and Angela is sleeping in a chair next to his bed. Hodgins leans over and kisses her on the cheek - waking her up.) ANGELA: Hi. (He kisses her again.) HODGINS: How is Zack? ANGELA: Oh, he's in a lot of pain but he won't let me push the pain killer button. HODGINS: He's scared of polka dots but screaming agony is just an interesting phenomenon. (Angela nods in agreement) ZACK: Drugs give me bad dreams. HODGINS: Oh, hey there, Zack. ZACK: I'm walking somewhere and suddenly someone takes me by the hand and I look and it's the skeleton. And the skeleton's on fire and my hands hurt. ANGELA: Take the pain killers, sweetie. ZACK: I've been thinking about the explosion, Hodgins. No one could have switched the chemicals. I locked up the container when I left the room. (Hodgins presses the button on the pain killers) I had the only - key. (Hodgins presses it again) You - would know but you - I'm afraid the pain killers work pleasant on my intellect. HODGINS: Sometimes your friends gotta step in - (he presses the button one last time) Dumb it up for you. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Brennan is sitting in her office working at her computer when Cam appears in the doorway.) CAM: Don't you think it's time to go home? BRENNAN: (surprised) Oh! Ah. Sorry, Cam. I seem to be a bit anxious. CAM: Don't worry about it. It's going around. Hodgins came to talk to me and I almost jumped out of my skin. What's keeping you so late? BRENNAN: Looking at the tissue we used for the DNA test? The victims DNA alleles and the roots were destroyed. And the mer alleles - were altered. Then, I remember, when I first looked at the jaw bone, it seemed lighter in color than I expected. CAM: It was treated with ultraviolet light? BRENNAN: (nodding in agreement) I think so. CAM: Who would do that? BRENNAN: We would. Standard procedure for skeletal remains when we put them away for storage. We have over 10,000 sets of remains waiting to be identified. What better place to hide a skeleton? CAM: How do we sift through 10,000 sets of remains? (Neither of them have any idea...) (Cut to Medico Legal Lab - Modular Skeletal Storage (AKA Limbo). Brennan, Caroline and Angela are standing in front of a group of Brennan's grad students.) ANGELA: I'd like to welcome, all of Dr. Brennan's grad students, to Limbo. BRENNAN: Uh, it's Modular Skeletal Storage. I don't like the term "Limbo". ANGELA: (to Brennan) Over 10,000 lost souls remain here, Sweetie. Unidentified. Waiting. It's a good name. Let's just go with it. (to the grad students) Each of these boxes contains the skeletal remains of one person. BRENNAN: In this case: a skull, 2 femurs, 5 vertebrae, miscellaneous phalanges and 3 molars. ANGELA: What we want you to do is conduct an inventory - making sure that what's in the box corresponds, not only to the card in the box but also to the computer record. GRAD STUDENT #1: Does this count toward our final grade? CAROLINE: Listen, Brennan's grad students. What we're trying to do here is catch a serial killer. Not get a gold star from Teach. ANGELA: We think that he's hidden the remains of one or more of his victims here. BRENNAN: Bones, tucked into boxes, where they don't belong. ANGELA: But I think it's fair to say that if you help us catch a serial killer, that you'll pass your precious course. BRENNAN: That - that's not necessarily true. If anyone else shows up down here indicating an interest in what you're doing - either tell Miss Montenegro or shout for security. GRAD STUDENT #2: Why? CAROLINE: Because serial killers get mean when you get close to catchin 'em. (Time lapse: The grad students are working on sorting the remains that are in the boxes) CAROLINE: This is just creepy. BRENNAN: Well, it's the natural order of things. We all end up this way.CAROLINE: Thank you, Cherie. Now you've made it creepy and depressing. GRAD STUDENT #1: I've found an extra femur in one of the boxes and an extra fibula in another. BRENNAN: You sure? GRAD STUDENT #1: The remains in the box were of a 4 year old child. The femur was from a man in his mid 40's to early 50's. BRENNAN: And the fibula? GRAD STUDENT #1: Also from a middle aged man. It had recently been boiled. Three other people found extra bones as well. (A female grad student walks up behind Brennan and clears her throat slightly to make her presence known.) GRAD STUDENT #3: I found an extra manubrium, male ulna and a humerus in a box of female remains. BRENNAN: Okay, lay out all of the extra bones anatomically. GRAD STUDENT #3: It's already done. Over here. (They walk to the table where all the bones are laid out.) BRENNAN: Nice job. GRAD STUDENT #3: I'm third in my class. BRENNAN: I'd like the names of the two students in front of you. (looking at the bones) 45 to 50 years old. Fibula and femur show a height of approximately 180cm. CAROLINE: How tall is that in English? BRENNAN: Approximately 5'8". (to the grad student) Have Dr. Saroyan take DNA samples and compare them to all of Gormogon's known victims. (The grad student nods in agreement) CAROLINE: You suspect something, don't you? BRENNAN: I have no facts yet. My opinions are not relevant. CAROLINE: Let me make the call, Cherie. Give me some of that big brain of yours. BRENNAN: (pointing to the skull) Someone removed the mandible from the skull. CAROLINE: It's the one that was sent to you. BRENNAN: I can't say that with certainty. Dr. Saroyan should see if the DNA matches. CAROLINE: (to the grad student) Didn't you hear her? Get this up to Dr. Saroyan. Now! GRAD STUDENT #2: Dr. Brennan? I think you should take a look at this. (Brennan and Caroline walk over to where the male grad student has many skulls lined up on a table. Brennan immediately notices something similar about all of them.) BRENNAN: All of the canines have been removed from these skulls. Just he canines. CAROLINE: I want the security tapes from this room for the last 6 months. BRENNAN: This room isn't covered. CAROLINE: Why not? BRENNAN: It's Limbo. I - I need to re-examine the mandible Zack was working on before the explosion. (Brennan runs out) CAROLINE: Of course you do. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Autopsy Bay/ Cam's Office. Caroline and Cam are looking at a picture of the lobbyist on the computer screen.) CAM: It's the Lobbyist that disappeared. DNA's a match and so are the dentals. Dr. Brennan's gonna want to take a look at the markings on these. CAROLINE: What's that? More cannibal teeth marks on the bone? CAM: Gormogon went after this like Henry the 8th after a chicken leg. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensic Platform. Brennan is re-examining the mandible that was sent to her by Gormogon.) CAM: These appear to have been gnawed on too. They'll probably match the denture markings Zack found. BRENNAN: They won't. CAM: You haven't looked at them yet. BRENNAN: Zack said these markings on the mandible were made by artificial dentures made from polymethylmethacrylate and other polymers. CAM: And? BRENNAN: They were not made by artificial dentures. Zack should have known that. CAROLINE: He made a mistake. It happens. CAM: Not often. (Brennan walks away. Caroline and Cam just look at each other, puzzled.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Brennan's office. She's on her computer when Booth walks in.) BOOTH: Hey. I heard Zack was wrong about the dentures. BRENNAN: No. BOOTH: What do you mean? Cam and Caroline said.. BRENNAN: He knew they weren't artificial. Any first year student would know that. (she brings up a model of the dentures with the canines in them on the screen) The dentures were made from real teeth. All canines. BOOTH: Ugh. Woah. BRENNAN: Canines are a symbol of the wolf which appears on the Gormogon tapestry in the vault. And certain ancient sects revere the wolf as a symbol of freedom. As a representative of the forces that will deliver us from persecution. BOOTH: Okay, Bones. Enough about the wolf. What's going on? BRENNAN: Zack lied. BOOTH: Why? BRENNAN: He - he took the teeth from bone storage and he made Gormogon's dentures. BOOTH: Zack has complete access to the lab. He arranged for the explosion himself. BRENNAN: It's Zack. He's the killer, Booth. It's Zack. (Cut to: Regional Medical Center - ICU- Cam is sitting in a chair reading to Zack.) CAM: (reading) The theory of conditional expressions is a non-profound generalization of propositional calculus. ZACK: What's it say after "boolean forms"? CAM: (she laughs) Well, there's a little thing that looks like a Japanese stool then a B with a tail and a fat fish. Does this makes sense to you? ZACK: It doesn't to you? (Cam laughs) BOOTH: Cam. I'm gonna need the room. (Cam turns to see Booth and Brennan in the doorway. Her face falls when she realizes why they're there. She looks back at Zack and then gets out of the chair and starts to head to the door.) CAM: (to Booth and Brennan) I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Are you absolutely certain because- (Booth and Brennan nod their heads, solemnly, in confirmation.) CAM: (sighs) I did not see that coming. (Cam leaves the room) ZACK: You looked at the mandible. BRENNAN: You had to know I'd see it eventually. ZACK: I didn't foresee the extent of my injuries. I was going to sneak out of here but - BRENNAN: Your friends never left your side. BOOTH: And you intended to steal the jaw bone and add it to the silver skeleton. BRENNAN: But you designed the explosion. You must have known exactly how big it would be. ZACK: Hodgins argued with me. He stood too close. The delay allowed the thermoplastic to reach the boiling point and as a result, the explosion was three times more powerful than I calculated. BRENNAN: You must have known how badly you'd be injured. ZACK: Yes. BOOTH: Who's Gormogon, Zack? ZACK: That's not what he's called. BOOTH: Then what is he called. ZACK: The Master. BRENNAN: And you're his apprentice? BOOTH: I need a name. ZACK: I can't tell you. The apprentice is expendable. I'm expendable. BOOTH: Who is he? BRENNAN: Zack responds to logic, Booth. BOOTH: Really? Cause I'd love to hear the logic of killing and eating people to change the world. ZACK: The Master's logic is irrefutable. BOOTH: Irrefutable?! I saw him choking a child at the bottom of a pool. ZACK: If you knew what I know, you'd understand. You'd be proud of me. BRENNAN: I've always been proud of you, Zack. I've never met anyone more rational or intelligent. But there's a fault in your logic. ZACK: With all due respect, you aren't cognizant of his logic. BRENNAN: Assumption #1: Secret societies exist. ZACK: Accepted. Hodgins has been explaining this to me for years. BRENNAN: Assumption #2: The human experience is adversely affected by secret societies. ZACK: Accepted. BRENNAN: Assumption #3: Attacking and killing members of secret societies will have an ameliorating effect on the human experience. ZACK: Accepted. BRENNAN: All of your assumptions are built upon a first principle, Zack. To wit: The historical human experience, as a whole, is more important than a single person's life. ZACK: Yes. BRENNAN: Yet, you risked it all so you wouldn't hurt Hodgins. (Zack lets this sink in and realizes that she is right, his logic was flawed. Brennan puts her forehead against his, as a single tear rolls down his cheek.) ZACK: There's - You are correct. There is an inconsistency in my reasoning. BOOTH: Bones, I need a name. BRENNAN: We know. ZACK: He first approached me three months ago at a symposium on burning plasma diagnostics. BOOTH: Zack, I need to know who this guy is. I need to go get him. Now. ZACK: I don't know his name. I've never known his name but I've been to his house. I was blind folded when he first took me there. (As Zack narrates the directions, Booth and a team of FBI members are seen following them.) ZACK: But I remember every turn he took and I was able to estimate his speed. So when he brought me home, I found it on a map. It's in Bedding Ridge on a street called Savoy Crescent. It's a big place, almost as big as Hodgins' house but run down. There's a flight of stairs at the back - outside. There's a blue door. It'll be locked but there's a key hidden in the crevice to the left of the door just above eye level. You will see a hallway. If he's found someone, you will smell meat cooking and that's how you'll know you're getting close. (We see a room. Lit candles are everywhere. Gormogon is in the middle of the room, sitting at a table, cutting a piece of "meat" on his plate.) One last door, and you'll have to be fast. He'll be at the bottom of an incline in the floor. (Booth and the Agents arrive in the room and see Gormogon.) He'll have a knife. He's very fast. And he's very strong. (Gormogon bears his teeth and throws the knife at one of the FBI Agents. Booth immediately shoots him square in the chest and it sends him flying into the table. Gormogon is dead.) (Cut to: Regional Medical Center - ICU- Caroline and other people are talking to Zack while the rest of the group stands outside the window watching.) CAM: (she sees Booth arrive) Did you get him? BOOTH: Got him. BRENNAN: Who was he, Booth? SWEETS: Nobody. Am I right? He was nobody. An invisible man, angry at history for not seeing him. ANGELA: Yeah, for a nobody, he sure wrecked a lot of lives. (Caroline and the others come out of Zack's room) CAROLINE: Zack confessed to killing the Lobbyist - stabbed him in the heart. ANGELA: He never ate anybody? CAROLINE: No. ANGELA: So how did this happen? BRENNAN: Logic. CAROLINE: No. I'm sorry, Cherie. That might cut it with you eggheads, but this happened the way this always happens: a strong personality finds a weak personality and takes advantage. I hope we fry the guy. BOOTH: That's not gonna be necessary. CAM: Good riddance, I say. HODGINS: What'll happen to Zack? CAROLINE: I cut a deal. He pleads guilty, cooperates, and we find him non compos mentis. That way, Zack is moved to a secure psychiatric facility instead of going to prison. SWEETS: No, that won't stand up. Zack isn't actually insane. (Booth grabs Sweets arm and pulls him away from the group) SWEETS: What? BOOTH: Sweets? You're gonna give this one to Bones. You understand? SWEETS: I understand. BOOTH: Good. (He pats him on the shoulder and they head back to join the group. Brennan places her hand and head against the window as the rest of the group is with her, looking in on Zack.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Lounge Area. Everyone is sitting around the table. Hodgins places a box on it.) BOOTH: Probably could have spent more time with Zack. You know, get him to see the world a bit more. HODGINS: All those things I say about secret societies and conspiracy's, I never knew he was listening. ANGELA: I should have gotten him a girlfriend. CAM: Ugh. You know what? The hell with Zack. He's an adult, he made his choices. People are who they are. There is nothing any of us could have done for the guy. BRENNAN: We love Zack, Cam. CAM: Yeah, well he killed someone. He deserves to be locked up for the rest of his life. SWEETS: I feel I must point out that what Dr. Saroyan just said is obviously her way of handling grief. She doesn't mean it. Quite the opposite, in fact. CAM: I knew the day I met Zack, he'd cause me pain. (After a few moments of silence, Booth gets up to try to break the ice.) BOOTH: So, what do ya got there, Hodgins? HODGINS: (looking into the box) This is, uh, Zack's favorite stuff. ANGELA: Well, what are we gonna do with it. CAM: Where he's going, they might actually let him have it. (As items are pulled out and commented on, Brennan is watching but something is obviously bothering her. Booth pulls out a harmonica then Cam pulls out a trophy that says, "Zack Addy - King of the Lab") CAM: Oh, I got him that. HODGINS: Yeah, thanks. He waved that in my face every day. (taking a book out of the box) Pocket Kama Sutra. I gave him this so he'd stop asking Booth s*x questions. (Booth plays the harmonica.) BOOTH: Got Zack this before he went to Iraq. ANGELA: (pulling out a piece of paper) Hey, I drew this for him. (It's a place mat with a caricature of Zack. It says "ZACK "King of the Lab") (Booth pulls a letter out of the box) SWEETS: It's interesting that all of his favorite things are objects you people gave to him. BRENNAN: I never gave him anything. ANGELA: Brennan, he totally loved you. I mean, as much as he was capable. BRENNAN: (getting up) But I never gave him anything. (She leaves and Angela starts after her until...) BOOTH: Angela. (Booth then follows after Brennan who is sitting on the stairs, head in her hands, when he finally catches up to her. He sits down next to her and starts reading the letter that he had pulled out of the box earlier.) BOOTH: (reading from the letter) "Dear Mr. Addy. It is my pleasure to offer you the post of my intern in Forensic Anthropology. I choose you from hundreds of applicants because of your knowledge, your desire to learn and because I feel you will find a home here." (he sets the letter in the envelope) I think you gave him something great, Bones. (Booth hands her the letter. She takes it and then places her head on his shoulder. He places his head against hers as the screen fades to black.) END.
doc_188	[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are playing with the duck and the chick.] Joey: Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck. Chandler: Or... Dick. Ross: (entering) Hey. Chandler and Joey: Hey. Ross: Listen, I-I need a favor. Umm, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I ah, I-I, well I felt something. Chandler: Was it like a sneeze only better? Ross: No, no, I mean, I mean a thing on my body. Joey: (with a disgusted look) What was it? Ross: Well, I don't know, it's-it's kinda in a place that's not... It's not visually accessible to me, and I was hoping maybe you guys could-could help me out. (starts to take off his pants) Chandler and Joey: Whoa!!! Chandler: No!! Ross: Come on you guys, it's no big deal! (He turns around and shows him his thing.) Chandler: Whoa-heeeiiiiii-iiiii-ah!! (sees it) Huh. Ross: Well what is it? Is it a mole? (He moves closer to them, and they jump back.) Joey: No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole. Ross: Well, eww. What? Is it a pimple? Chandler: No, it's... fancier than a pimple. Look Ross, why don't you just go see a... Rachel: (entering, interrupting them) Hey guys! What's... (sees what they're doing and stops, the guys are stunned) Chandler: Okay, well, it's definite, two more weeks of winter. Ross: Ahhh. Joey: Yeah, right. (Rachel backs out with a confused look on her face.) Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Rachel are there, as Phoebe enters with her date.] Phoebe: (to her date) Okay, and then this is the coffee house. This is where I play my music. (points to the stage) Vince: Good deal. Phoebe: Yeah, and these are my friends. People. This is Vince, Vince the people. Rachel: Hi! Chandler: Hey! Vince: Hey! Phoebe: Vince is a fireman. Rachel: Wow! Have you ever rescued anyone from a burning building before? Vince: 98 hot saves, highest in the force. Chandler: Well, y'know if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred. Vince: (dead serious) Fire safety is not a joke, son. Chandler: You're right, I know. Vince: (to Phoebe) Look, I gotta go. I'm on call tonight. (kisses her) See you Saturday. (leaves) Phoebe: Okay. (watches him leave) Rachel: Wow, he's cute, Pheebs! But I thought you just started dating that Kindergarten teacher. Phoebe: Oh, Jason? Yeah, uh-huh, we're seeing each other tonight. Rachel: What-Pheebs?! Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you. Phoebe: I know, I know! I'm like playing the field. Y'know? Like, juggling two guys, I'm sowing my wild oats. Y'know? Y'know, this kind've like y'know oat-sowin', field-playin' juggler. Joey: So Pheebs, do they know about each other? Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads? (Joey makes an `I don't know' face, and looks to Chandler and Rachel, who're also stumped) Okay, no they don't. Ross: (entering) Hey guys! Joey: Hey. Rachel: Hi! (He goes over and sits down at the counter, all depressed.) Joey: (going over to him) Well?! Chandler: (joining them) Okay, how'd it go at the doctor's? Ross: Well, he said there's definitely nothing to worry about, it's totally benign. Joey: Well what is it?! Ross: He couldn't even tell me! He said it was just some sort of skin... abnormality. And the worst thing is he-he-he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it. Chandler: Y'know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off. Y'know? So I guess I'm lucky. I mean not as lucky as people who were born with two nipples. Ross: At least they knew what yours was. Y'know, yours had a name. Joey: Oh! Maybe they'll name yours after you! Y'know, they'll call it, The Ross. And then people would be like, "Awww, he's got a Ross." Ross: (sarcastic) Yeah, that'd be cool! [cut to Phoebe and Rachel as Monica returns from the bathroom] Monica: Pete's breaking up with me. All: What?! Monica: I just checked my messages, and he said that when he gets back from Atlanta, we need to talk. Rachel: And? Monica: Well that's it. People never say `We need to talk' unless it's something bad. Joey: Whoa, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's breaking up with you. Monica: Really?! Joey: Yeah, maybe he just cheated on you. [Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking with her second date, Jason.] Jason: ...and I know I'll never miss doing it, but I gotta tell you, it's pretty cool knowing that you're making a difference in a kid's life. Phoebe: That is so great! Oh, I... (sees that a parked car near them has caught on fire) Oh my God! Jason: Whoa! Phoebe: (the fire has worsened) Oh my God!!! Jason: Ahh-ahh, we'd better call the fire department! Phoebe: (stopping him) No! No! Jason: No, no? Phoebe: Well, we don't n-n-n-n-need a fireman, we'd, we'd like a good mechanic. (hears the sound of approaching sirens) Oh my God, here they come! Well, we gotta get out of here! Jason: W-w-w-wait! Why?! Phoebe: Well look, if I wanted to see a fireman, I would date one. Okay? (she drags him away) [Scene: A Doctor's Office, Ross is having his thing looked at by Dr. Rhodes.] Ross: Th-th-that's all it is, a third nipple. Y'know? Just your run-of-the-mill third nipple. Y'know? You can take it off. Just slice that baby right off! Dr. Rhodes: Take your shirt off, and let's see what we're dealing with here. (Ross starts to take off his pants) What are you doing? Ross: Just showing you my run-of-the-mill-slice-it-right-off third nipple. Dr. Rhodes: Well that's not a third nipple. Ross: No? Dr. Rhodes: First of all, it's on your ass. Ross: Well then, what is it?! Dr. Rhodes: Wait a minute, hold it. (He goes to the door and opens it.) Johnson! Will you come in here a moment? Dr. Johnson: I'm with Hamilton! Dr. Rhodes: He's good with rear things, bring him in too. [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there.] Monica: (starting to get up) I gotta go water Pete's plants. (stops) Y'know what, if he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water his plants. Chandler: Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants. If y'know what I mean. Joey: Or ha-ha, we could go over there and pee on them. Phoebe: (entering with Rachel) ...and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy. Rachel: Well honey, then why don't you break up with one of them? Phoebe: (disgusted) Uh. Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa. What ah, what happened to playing the field? Phoebe: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field. Rachel: So Pheebs, pick one of them. Monica: Yeah. Which one do you like more? Phoebe: Well, Vince is great, y'know `cause, he's like a guy, guy. Y'know? He's so burly, he's sooo very burly. (giggles) Joey: Okay, good, so there you go. Go with Vince. Phoebe: Yeah, but Jason's really sensitive. Chandler: Well sensitive is important, pick him. Phoebe: Yeah. Joey: Oh sure, go with the sissy. Phoebe: Jason is not a sissy! Joey: Oh no-no-no-no, I meant Chandler. [Scene: Dr. Rhodes's Office, a rather large group of doctors has now gathered to take a look at Ross's thing. Ross is none too pleased with the developments, he has a disgusted look on his face.] Ross: Y'know I have dinner plans!! Dr. Rhodes: Thank you soo much for coming on such a short notice. Ladies and gentlemen, I've-I've-I've been practicing medicine for twenty-three years, and I'm stumped. (He removes the blanket covering the thing.) All: Whoa. (they all lean in to get a closer look, Ross isn't pleased) [Scene: Pete's apartment, Monica is there to water the plants, and is showing the gang around.] Monica: Okay, this is the den. All right, check this out. Lights! (the lights turn on automatically, but are very bright) Whoa! All right. Less lights! Bad lights! Lights go away! (they dim) Oh, see you just need to find the right command. Ross: Yes, and the dimmer switch. Joey: Whoa! For a rich guy he's got, that's a pretty small TV. Monica: No-no-no, that's a video-phone. But hey guys you're not supposed to be here, so please, do not touch anything. Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) I-kea! This is comfortable. Rachel: (entering with Phoebe) This place is amazing. Phoebe: God, that is the nicest kitchen. Monica: I know. Phoebe: No! But it's the nicest kitchen, the refrigerator told me to have a great day. Joey: Look at this! A millionaire's checkbook. Monica: Joey, put that down! (the phone rings) Oh my God! It's Pete. Okay, get out!! How the hell do you answer a video-phone! (steps in front of it, and automatically answers it) Pete: Monica? (the gang ducks and hides) Monica: I guess that's how. Pete: Hey Monica, how's it going. Monica: Oh it's umm, good! It's umm, it's good, just here watering the plants. Pete: Well don't forget that fiches over there by Rachel. Rachel: (standing up) Ahh... Chandler's on the couch!! Pete: I see him, you guys are just the worst hiders ever. All: (standing up) Hey Pete. Joey: Hi, how ya doing? Monica: Ahh, Pete, the other day when you said you needed to talk, umm, just so I know, is it good news or bad news. Pete: Oh, it's good news. No, it's definitely good news. Hold on a second, I have another call. (clicks his remote) (to his other call) Hey, how's it going? Monica: Oh no-no-no, it's still me. Pete: Ah, no it's not. I've got picture-in-picture here. (to other caller) Yeah. (listens) Yeah, okay. I'm gonna have to call you back later. (pause) Monica? You. I'm gonna have to call you back. Monica: Oh, oh, okay umm, so I'll see you soon. Pete: Okay, I love you. Monica: I love you. All: I love you, love you. Monica: Okay. Well, it's good news. It's good news. Chandler: So, what do you thing the good news is? Joey: (looking at the checkbook) Wow! Look at this! He wrote a check for 50,000 dollars to Hugo Ligrens Ring Design. (Monica is stunned) Oh, sorry, what do you think the good news is? [pause] Monica: Oh my. Rachel: Monica's gonna marry a millionaire!!! Ross: Hey, you gotta get Mom on the phone. Call Mom! Call Mom! (Pete's computer automatically calls Mom, Pete's Mom.) Pete's Mom: Hello. Monica: And that's Pete's Mom. (The gang quickly hides again.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is returning from Pete's.] Rachel: Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, "Look how much money we've got!" Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put money in-in the invitations! You-you could have like little money place settings. And ah, you could start with a money salad! I mean it'll be dry, but people will like it. Monica: Would you stop? We've only been going out a couple of weeks, I mean we don't even know if he's gonna propose. Chandler: Yes, but this is Pete. Okay? He's not like other people, on your first date he took you to Rome. For most guys that's like a third or fourth date kinda thing. Monica: Well if-if that's what it is, then it's-it's crazy. Ross: Monica's right. We're talking about getting married here. Okay? She-she can't just rush into this. Rachel: Oh please, what do you know! You married a lesbian! (Joey laughs, Ross glares at him, and Joey stops.) Phoebe: All right. I gotta go. I have break up with Vince. Chandler: Oh, so you're going with the teacher, huh? Phoebe: Yeah, I like Vince a lot, y'know? But, it's just Jason's so sensitive, y'know? And in the long run, I think sensitive it's just better than having just like a really, really, really nice (pause) butt. (Her eyes glaze over thinking about the butt.) (pause) Jason! Definitely Jason! Okay, wish me luck! All: Good luck! (pause) Rachel: OH MY GOD!!! (She holds her hands up in triumph and the gang all look at her.) Sorry, I was just imagining what it'd be like to catch the money bouquet. [Scene: A Fire House, Phoebe has gone to break up with Vince.] Phoebe: Excuse me. Umm, is Vince here? Fireman: Oh sure. Vince?! Vince: Yo!! (slides down that pole that fire station's have) Phoebe: Wow! I didn't know you guys actually used those. Vince: So, what's up? Phoebe: Umm, wow. This-this isn't gonna be easy. Umm, I don't think we should see each other anymore. Vince: Uh-huh. G-good deal. Phoebe: I'm sorry. Vince: No-no it's okay. It's just that ah, I thought we had something pretty special here. And y'know I-I felt like you were someone I could finally open up to, and... (starts choking up) That there's so much in me I have to share with you yet. Phoebe: Oh my God, I didn't... Vince: (starting to cry) I'm sorry, I can't talk. I'm gonna go write in my journal. (walks away) Phoebe: (running after him) Wait-wait-wait! Wait!! [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Monica are there.] Phoebe: (to Ross) I'm telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you should go to my herbal guy. Ross: Thank you, but I want to remove it Pheebs. I don't want to make it savory. Monica: Y'know when girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body, they tell their friends about it. Ross: Gimme this. (Grabs the herbalist's card and leaves.) Rachel: (entering) Hi! Okay, don't be mad at me, but I couldn't resist. Monica: Brides magazines? Rachel: Yes, and I know that you'd say no if he asked you, but I'm sorry; how great would you look walking down the aisle in this Donna Carin. (shows her the picture.) Phoebe: (gasps) Oh, you so would! Oh, you should get that anyway. (They both look at her.) Like for clubbing. Monica: It is so weird, I know what I said, but uh, this morning, I was lying in bed I was, I was imagining what it would be like to say yes. (Rachel slams the magazine shut in amazement.) I know it's a little sudden, and it's a little rushed, and it's totally not like me to do something like this, but that doesn't mean I can't. Right? I mean I'm-I'm crazy about Pete, and I know that we want the same things, and when I thought about saying yes, it made me really happy. Rachel: Oh my God. (starting to cry) Monica: I know. (pause) I need more pie. (goes and gets some) Phoebe: Hey Mon umm, if you do get married, can I bring two guests? Rachel: You didn't break up with that fireman? Phoebe: No, that was my way of telling you. Well, it turns out he's incredibly sensitive, he keeps a journal and he paints. He even showed me charcoal drawings that he drew of me. Rachel: Wow! Phoebe: Yeah, well he'd prefer water colors, but y'know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal. Monica: So then, are you going to dump Jason? Phoebe: Well, yeah, because I have to break up with someone, and... Okay so Jason is sensitive, (holds up one finger) but now so's Vince (holds up one finger on her other hand) Plus, Vince has the body y'know? (holds up two more fingers on the Vince side) So... It's really just about the math. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Jason's apartment, Phoebe has gone to break up with Jason.] Phoebe: (knocks on the door) Jason? Jason: Yeah, come on in. (She goes in, and sees Jason without his shirt. It turns out that he has a great body too, and is at a loss for words.) Jason: So Phoebe, you ah, sounded kinda serious on the phone, is ah, is anything wrong? Phoebe: Nah-ha! [Scene: Phoebe's Herbal Guy's office, Ross is there about his thing. Ross is looking around the exam room, and he goes over to a large bank of drawers, pulls one out and almost spills it as the herbalist, Guru Saj, enters.] Guru Saj: You must be Ross. Ross: Hi. Guru Saj: I am Guru Saj. (takes the drawer back and replaces) Ross: Listen, I got to tell you I've-I've never been to a guru before, so... Guru Saj: Well, relax. If it makes you feel better, I've attended some of the finest medical schools in Central America. Well then, let's take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. (motions to the table) Come on, have a seat. (looks at it) Eeh, huh. As I suspected, it's a koondis! Ross: What's a koondis? Guru Saj: I don't know, what's a koondis with you? (starts laughing as if that joke was funny, Ross only looks at him, and he stops) Please, lie down! I've got a sav that oughta shrink that right up. Ross: I guess it's worth a try. Guru Saj: Oh sure, we should see results-Whoa!! Clearly not the way to go!! (quickly wipes it off) Ross: What?! What?! Guru Saj: We appear to have angered it. Ross: We?! We angered it?! Guru Saj: Oh, I think I see the problem. And I'm afraid we're gonna have to use a much stronger tool. (Ross gives him a 'What?' look) Love. Ross: Oh God! Guru Saj: (He starts moving his hands around in circles above the thing.) Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to... Ross: Ow!! Guru Saj: Oops. Ross: What was, what was that? Guru Saj: Well it's gone. Ross: What?! How's that? Guru Saj: It got caught on my watch. Ross: Hey! (congratulates him) [Scene: Pete's apartment, Pete and Monica are coming back from a date.] Pete: Lights. (The lights turn on, once again they're too bright.) Uh, romantic lights. (The lights dim.) Monica: Ooh, nice. Pete: So ah, there was this thing I wanted to talk to you about. Monica: Oh, right! I completely forgot about that. Pete: Well ah, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I look at my life... Monica: Yeah? Pete: And I feel like I've conquered the business world, and I feel like I've conquered the intellectual world, and now I-I have the most beautiful woman in the world. Monica: Wow. Pete: There's one thing missing. Monica: What's that? Pete: It's time for me to conquer the physical world. Monica: Okay. (not sure of herself) Pete: Monica, I want to become (pause) the Ultimate Fighting Champion. Monica: You wanna what?! Pete: I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! It's the most intense physical competition in the world, it's banned in 49 states! Monica: What are you talking about? Pete: Okay, my trainer, Ho Chi, is teaching me a combination of Gee Koon Doe and Brazilian street fighting, I've even had my own octagon training ring designed. Monica: And I suppose you used a ring designer for that. Pete: Yeah. Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win. I want you close enough to smell the blood. What do you think? Monica: My parents will be so happy. [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe's singing, Vince is also there.] Phoebe: (singing) "Crazy underwear, creepin' up my butt. (Jason enters) Crazy underwear, always in a rut. Crazy under-(sees Jason)-wear..." (In her head) Oh No! What is he doing here? All right, just keep playing, just keep playing. You'll get through this; you'll be fine. (She tries to continue the song, but she has lost the ability to pronounce words, and the lyrics come out as gibberish.) (giving up on the song) Okay, thank you. And, as always no one talk to me after the show. (They all applaud her.) Jason: (going up to her) Hey. I was... Phoebe: Hey! Jason: I was passin' by and I saw that you were playing tonight, it's kinda cool seeing you up there. (kisses her) Vince: (running over) Whoa! Hey-hey! What's going on here? Who is this guy? Phoebe: I don't know, he just started kissing me. Get him! Get him, Vince! Vince: What?! Jason: What?! Phoebe: Yeah, okay, I've-I've been dating both of you, and it's been really horrible. 'Cause y'know it's been a lot of fun, for me. Umm, but I-I like you both, and I, and I didn't know how to chose, so... I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm terrible, I'm a terrible person. I'm terrible. Vince: Phoebe, Phoebe relax, it's okay. I mean we never said this was exclusive. Jason: Yeah, and neither did we. Give yourself a break. Phoebe: Really?! Jason: Yeah. I mean y'know, we haven't been going out that long. Come on, we haven't even slept together yet. Huh. Vince: You haven't? Jason: You have? Phoebe: Well, this is none of my business. (starts to walk away) Jason: (to Phoebe) I-I can't believe this! You-you've slept with him?! Phoebe: Well, I made you a candle light dinner in the park. Jason: Y'know Phoebe, I'm gonna make this real easy for you. (walks out) Phoebe: (to Vince) Well, that could've been really awkward. Vince: You made him a candle light dinner in the park? Phoebe: Yeah, but I-I-I-I can do that for you, I'm gonna do that for you. Vince: Uh yeah, I can't believe I ever went out with somebody who would actually have an open flame in the middle of a wooden area. (walks out) Closing Credits [Scene: Guru Saj's office: Joey and Chandler have taken the duck to see the guru.] Chandler: (comforting the duck) Everything's gonna be all right. Okay, Dick? Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj-(sees the duck)-Whoa!! (to Joey) That's supposed to be a duck right? 'Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league. Joey: Yeah, yeah. He's got a, he's got a really bad cough, and our vet, he can't do anything about it. Is there something you can do? Guru Saj: Hmm, let me see. Let me see. Do you think you could get him to eat a bat? (The duck starts to frantically flap his wings, while Joey is holding him, in an attempt to get away.)
doc_189	(Cut to a strange congomeration of strangely colored winged birds and a strange angel statue, holding a bowl. Bells ring. Then a bright white light flashes and then dims to show a surgical light. We pan down to Sydney, waking on a stretcher in what could be something like an emergency room. She's dressed only in a white hospital gown and underwear. She sits up groggy, then stands up gingerly. She walks over to the door and tries to open it. It's locked. She bangs on the door with her hand.) Sydney (hoarsely): Hello! (She turns away from the window and starts to walk, looking around, then stops as a wave of pain hits her. She looks down. There's blood seeping through the hospital gown in the spot where her scar is now. She leans against a counter and lifts the hospital gown to reveal an angry seeping wound. She sticks her fingers inside the wound, pulling out the end of a thin plastic tube (think, the kind of thin plastic tube often used for aerators in aquariums) She holds up the end of the tube, shocked, her hand covered in blood. She starts pulling and more tubing comes out. It's freaking her out. She starts pulling faster and faster, but the tubing doesn't end. Blood is splashing everywhere, covering her, splashing the walls. She holds up a fistful of tubing and screams. We cut to a scene farther out. There is a pile of tubing at Sydney's feet in a puddle of blood. Blood is spattered all down her side, on her hands, her face, the wall behind her.) (Cut to Sydney, sitting up suddenly in bed, gasping and sweaty. She's had a nightmare. She's really freaked out, can barely breathe. She pulls up her tank top to reveal her healed scar. She fingers it, gasping and crying. She lies back on the bed, pulling the covers up to her neck, crying and gasping in anguish.) (Cut to Sydney walking through a set of double doors. US STAFFORD NAVAL HOSPITAL. She approaches the doctor who runs the lost time peer group. He notices her standing next to him as he hands a nurse a medical chart he's just signed.) Doctor: Oh, Sydney. (to nurse) Thank you. Nurse: Thank you, doctor. Doctor: Nice to see you. Sydney: I know that I haven't been to group in a while. Doctor: That's okay We have another session here tonight Sydney: I actually came here to talk to you about something else. Doctor: Is it your dreams? (Sydney nods.) Sydney: I've heard about a procedure used to recover lost memories: neurostimulation therapy. Doctor: Oh, Sydney before we discuss this, let's give group a chance Sydney: Some of those people have been that group for ten years, and none of them seem to be any closer to finding out what happened to them. Doctor: Well the point is to accept what's happened, that you may never remember, and in so doing, free yourself to move on. Sydney: With all due respect, the one thing that you don't know is what it feels like. You have clearance, so I can tell you that unlike anyone else in that group, there's a terrorist organization trying to find out the one thing that I can't remember. My point being, I don't have the luxury of waiting for acceptance. Doctor (walking): Come with me. (Sydney follows. Cut to look into the window of a padded cell. A man with a shaved head wanders around inside in a straitjacket.) Doctor: This is Kenneth Blake. He joined Central Intelligence in 1981. He was missing for five years finally turned up in a South Korean hospital with severe injuries and no memory whatsoever. Blake volunteered for the same procedure you're asking for. The procedure was carried out. Blake soon learned that he'd been in custody of the North Koreans all that time, exposed to torture so intense, so prolonged, that his conscious mind blacked it out. The invasive nature of the surgery left him with permanent brain damage. You should know, Sydney, that the National Security Council considers Blake a successful test case for neurostimulation therapy. (starting to get choked up) I'd consider death an option before this procedure. (Off Sydney's look, we cut to NOGALES, MEXICO. Children play soccer in the dirt street. Suddenly shooting breaks up the scene. Cut to a pair of feet running in the street. Pan up to a man's back as he runs by. Cut to reverse angle; we see two police officers chasing the man, shooting at him. Police cruisers block off the other direction and the man raises his hands. It's Javier Perez. He kneels while they handcuff him. Cut to Javier, sitting in a jail cell.) Police Chief (offscreen): You've been a busy man, Javier Perez. (Cut to Chief leaning against the wall of the cell, accompanied by another armed officer. He is looking in a file folder.) Chief: Epidemology lab in Cannes; Disease Control Ministry in Spain; Genetic engineering facility in Cuba (Cut to Javier as he sighs and leans his head wearily against the wall, closing his eyes. Cut back to Chief.) Chief: Do I turn you over to Cuba, to Spain, to France? To me there is no difference. For you, there is at least one significant difference: France and Spain do not believe in the death penalty. (Cut to Javier, worried and nervous. Cut back to Chief.) Chief: So here's where we help each other. You provide me with a bigger fish, say who commissioned you, for instance and I allow you to choose to whom I place my call. (Cut to Javier.) Javier: What if I told you that I had information that would be very interesting to the Americans? Regarding a Central Intelligence agent and a murder. (Cut to Chief, who laughs and looks at the other officer also laughing.) Chief: A CIA agent committing murder Hardly newsworthy. (Chief starts to walk away.) Javier: It is when its done on behalf of an international terrorist group and the target is a Russian diplomat. (Chief stops walking and looks back at Javier.) (Cut to aerial scene of LA by day. Cut to Dixon walking through the JTF.) Dixon (loudly): People, listen up! We've got non-cleared personnel en route! Deactivate the wireless network and put all secure servers on lockdown. I don't want to see anything on these screens more revealing than a weather map! (Cut to armed agents escorting a handcuffed man with a black drape over his head. Cut to an officer inside the JTF.) Officer: Level three security procedures in effect. All computer monitors and LCDs on safe mode. Routing PDX to administration. (Cut to hooded man and guards entering elevator. Cut to computer monitors as they all go to safe mode. Cut to the feet of the man and his guards entering the JTF. They're walking and enter the main rotunda area. Dixon stands waiting for them. Other agents gather also. Dixon nods, and the officers remove the man's hood, who's no longer hand cuffed. It's Arvin Sloane. Dixon walks toward him. They spend several moments staring each other down.) Sloane: I always knew you were destined for great things. (Dixon's only reaction is a tiny grimace and he swallows.) Dixon: Follow me. (They turn and enter the conference room, where everyone but Lauren and Vaughn are seated.) Sloane: Marshall (said kindly, smiling, as if happy to see him) Marshall: Mr. Sloane hi. It's been a while and a lot has happened. I mean, at first you were evil, now you're good so you claim not that I don't..trust you, it's just How are you? Sloane: Very happy to see you, Marshall. (He shakes Marshall's hand and sits down.) Dixon: Given the sensitive nature that Arvin Sloane is about to present to us, I thought it best if he did so here. Sloane: So, is everyone here? Dixon: Agents Vaughn and Reed are prepping a separate assignment under the direction of the NSC. (Cut to Jack and Sydney as they give each other curious looks.) Sloane: Ten hours ago, I had a meeting with Mr. Sark (cut to flashback) Sloane: I assume we're here because the Covenant requires something of me? (Sark pulls a mini disc case out of his coat and holds it out to Sloane.) Sark: Your new assignment (end flashback) Sloane: Seems the Covenant is no longer satisfied with using my organization merely as a front for their illegal activities. They've now tasked me an operation. (cut to Sydney's reaction then back to Sloane) Sloane: I presume you know what a maser is Marshall: You mean a microwave laser? Well, yeah (Both Sloane and Dixon turn to look at him.) Marshall (looking at Sloane): You, uh want me to explain ? Dixon: Marshall: Sloane has no authority in this room. Marshall: Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you, sir. I know you're definitely the main do you want me to ? Dixon: Yes. Marshall: It's a microwave that gets focused into a pinpoint beam, very similar to how light gets focused into a laser. Sloane: Tomorrow night, I'm scheduled to attend a charity function held by the Chinese Government at one of their Ministries The Covenant has acquired intelligence that China has designed a working maser unit, the prototype of which is held there. China intends to mount a maser array on one of their defense satellites. It is an assassination program. Weiss: Wait are you saying this weapon is capable of killing from space!? Jack: Pulse microwaves are capable of causing tissue damage, heart failure even brain hemorrhage. This weapon could make it appear as if the victim died of natural causes. You could imagine the potential threat if the Covenant were to acquire this technology. Sloane: I've been tasked to steal the maser's operating system, which is in the Chinese Defense Minister's office. Dixon: I want Strategic Services to review your plan, and I'll assign an agent to go along. Sloane: I'd presumed that would be the case. Therefore, I propose that Sydney accompany me to the function posing as my assistant, and then together we acquire the operating system, corrupt the maser, and pass along the faulty data to the Covenant That is, assuming the CIA still intends to use me as a double agent. Sydney: Why me? Sloane: Because this mission cannot be done alone. I will not risk my life unless I am going in with the best. Jack: Do you really imagine, given your history with Sydney, we would ever order ? Sydney (cutting Jack off): I'll go. (to Sloane) You know I don't trust you, and that I believe you have an endgame beyond this operation. But I also know that if we're caught, we'll be standing side by side in front of a Chinese firing squad, which means this time our interests are in line and if you betray me? I will just kill you myself. (Cut to Sloane's satisfied smirk. Cut to Black. End of Act One) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Vaughn, arranging a file on his desk. Jack approaches him.) Jack: I understand you've been loaned out to the NSC Vaughn: Yeah. I leave for Mexico in an hour. Lauren requested me; she's briefing me en route. (Vaughn and Jack start walking) Jack: A contact of mine in Nogales informed me that Javier Perez was apprehended by Mexican authorities. (Vaughn stops walking and turns to face Jack.) Jack: I'm sure you remember him as part of the freelance team that Sydney infiltrated several weeks ago. Vaughn: Yeah, sort of He almost killed me. Jack: He's offered to trade information to the NSC in exchange for leniency. Our problem is this: He knows about Sydney that she murdered Andrian Lazarey under the alias Julia Thorne. You can imagine the consequences if he were to share this information with your wife. I think, Agent Vaughn, that you should tell her that you know the identity of the man you've been sent to interview and that conflict of interest requires both of you to remove yourself from this case. Vaughn: Are you asking me to interfere with my wife's investigation? Jack: Yes. Vaughn: No. I've kept the truth about Sydney from Lauren because Dixon ordered me to; a situation you orchestrated. Jack: You understand the consequences to Sydney if this information leaks out? Vaughn: Yes, of course I do Jack: The NSC will subject her to invasive brain surgery. Vaughn: Okay, stop. I don't need a lecture from you on the risks she faces. Jack: Then I don't understand your resistance. Vaughn: Because the NSC will send other operatives! Either way, they're gonna find out. Jack: It'll provide us the time to plan our next move. Vaughn: Look, I think it's safe to say that I know my wife a lot better than you do. Jack (dripping with sarcasm): I would hope Vaughn: Lauren may be our best chance of keeping this information from the NSC. Jack: And, Mr. Vaughn What if you're wrong? (Cut from Vaughn's reaction to Jack's reaction.) (Cut to Marshall, holding up what appears to be a retooled Matchbox car.) Marshall: Okay, it's the latest in cloaking technology. It's called optical camouflage. Now basically, if you take a look right here, it's surface is covered in microfilaments, which interpret the UV waves generated by its surroundings, which means that (places the car on his desktop and starts driving it across the top of his desk using the controls) once you drop it off in the Chinese Ministry, I will be able to guide it undetected past the security cameras to the central alarm controls, which I'll then deactivate, using the internal modem. (Cut to Sydney's reaction. She's amazed and impressed.) Sydney: So, once you disable the alarms, I'll be able to access the Minister's office where the maser is being kept. Marshall: Right. Once you get to the maser, you will access the motherboard, and then you will attach this (Holds up a cellular phone.) to the EPROM chip. Now, press one and you'll be connected to me, and I will access the maser's operating system and corrupt it and then (taking off the back of the phone's case to show Sydney the inside), a copy of the corrupted version will be stored onto this. (Holds up a small memory card.) Sydney: Which I will give to Sloane to pass on to the Covenant. Marshall: Right. (Stops, looks around) Actually where did the car go? (Puts down the cell phone and starts looking around the desk.) (Cut to black. BEIJING. Push through the N. A night pan of the city. Cut to Sydney dressed in a long black evening gown (could be a two piece skirt/shirt set, hard to tell) and Sloane in a tux, waiting in line to pass through a metal detector.) Sloane: By the way you look beautiful. Sydney (giving Sloane a dirty look): Spare me! (Sydney and Sloane walk through the metal detectors. Sydney's goes off. She immediately hands her small black purse to the guard, who opens it to reveal a metal makeup case. He zips it back up and hands it to her.) Sydney (in Chinese): Thank you. Guard (in Chinese): Thank you. Sloane: I would encourage you to take my arm if we are going to bluff our way through this (Sydney's face says it all. She finds that idea about as appealing as having teeth extracted forcefully. Very reluctantly, she takes his arm and smiles at a passerby. Cut to Sloane and Sydney entering the ballroom. Cut to the orchestra, cut to dancers, cut to Sydney as she surveys the guards in the room. Sloane looks at Sydney and then at a Chinese man wearing a tux and a sash, who waves at Sloane. Sloane and Sydney approach him.) Minister: Mr. Sloane, we're honored you could attend. Sloane: The honor is mine, Minister Woo. And this is my Executive Assistant, Christina Myers. Minister: A pleasure. (nods his head toward her) Sydney: Pleasure (she smiles at him) Minister (to Sloane): Your organization's compassionate work is the model of humanitarian achievement. Sloane: Thank you. Thank you. (turns to Sydney) Ms. Myers, would you give us a moment please? I have a private matter to discuss with the Minister? Sydney: Certainly. (She flashes the Minister a big smile. He nods and smiles at her and she turns and walks away. The Minister watches her leeringly as she leaves.) Minister: Your assistant is lovely. I presume she does more for you than type? Sloane: Oh, our relationship is strictly professional. Minister (doesn't believe him): Of course. (Cut to Sydney, entering the bathroom. She takes out the metal makeup case while she waits for another woman to finish primping. The other woman leaves and we see Sydney opening a lipstick tube and rolling it up. The door closes behind the woman, and Sydney pulls the top off the lipstick to reveal the camera lens for the Invisicar. She opens the make up case, removes the top and underneath is the rest of the Invisicar. Cut to Sydney leaving the bathroom. She takes a champagne glass and sits down in a chair on the edge of the room, near the hallway. Surreptitiously, she leans down to place the Invisicar onto the rug next to her chair. She speed dials a number on her phone and waits.) Marshall (over telephone): Hello! Sydney: You're on. (Cut to Marshall and Dixon on comms in Marshall's office.) Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines! (Marshall starts moving the joystick. Cut to the car as it starts to move and we see it blend into its surroundings. All we can see are the wheels moving underneath the shield because the camera's at floor level. Cut to Marshall's view from the cam attached to the side of the Invisicar as he steers through the feet of people in the hallway.) Marshall (steering the car): Okay Dixon: Promise me again that they won't hear it. Marshall: The noise output is .04 dbs, which is inaubible to the human ear, sir. A cockroach thinks louder than this car. (Marshall continues to steer the car, finds a pair of military boots walking and follows behind them.) Marshall: Looks like a nice party All right we'll follow this guy. It looks like he knows where he's goin. Security. (Cut to Sydney, sitting in a chair with her champagne glass, checks her watch. Sloane approaches her and sits in the seat next to hers.) Sloane: Are you all right? Sydney: As long as Marshall can shut down the security system. Sloane: You know, Sydney we should dance? Sydney: Like hell. Sloane: The minister assumes we're sleeping together. Despite my protests, he remains unconvinced. Sydney: I could care less. Sloane: Well, neither would I if he wasn't constantly looking in my direction Normally I would suggest we remain discrete. I suggest we feign an argument on the dance floor that will give you sufficient time to slip away. And, Sydney, given the way you feel about me (he smirks) I doubt it would take much acting on your part. (He stands and puts his hand out to her.) Sloane: So, my dear Shall we? (Sydney reluctantly puts her hand in his and stands.) (Cut to the security guard the Invisicar is following as he walks down a hallway.) Dixon (voiceover): We have to get to the security room. (Cut to Marshall and Dixon.) Marshall: All right. Following him. (Cut to guard, turning a corner. Cut to video from the car as it fails to negotiate the turn and bumps into the wall.) Marshall: Oooh sorry, sir. (Marshall makes the turn. The guard is now several feet ahead of the car.) Dixon: Hurry up. (Cut back to Sloane and Sydney as they begin to waltz around the dance floor. Cut back to the view from the Inviscar as the guard turns another corner ahead of it.) Dixon: Marshall follow that guard. Turn to the right. Marshall: Okay, you got it. (The Invisicar gets to the end of the hallway and turns to see the guard about to access a door.) Dixon: Good. He's approaching the security control room. (Dixon sits down next to Marshall, watching the monitor.) Dixon: Hurry! Marshall: Petal to the metal, sir. (The car whizzes forward as we see on the monitor that the door is opened and the guard starts to step inside. The door is starting to close it looks close, but the car makes it inside before the door shuts.) Dixon: Eaaaassssyyyy . Marshall (as the car makes it through the door): Piece of cake, sir. (Dixon nods as Marshall moves the car about the room. Cut to the security guard as he greets the other one who is watching the monitors. The guard sits also. Cut to the Invisicar as it stops near a desk.) Dixon: Hurry Marshall under the desk! Marshall: Yeah, yeah, I got it. (The car backs up and turns and then slides under the desk.) Dixon: Well done. Marshall: Okay, now I will activate the RF modem and hack into the security system. (Screens pop up on the monitor, as Marshall works.) Marshall: Okay, alarms are down surveillance is off. (Cut to security guards as their monitors show nothing but static.) Guard: The security is down. Give me a minute. (Tries to fix the display to no avail.) Marshall: Should take them weeks to get back online maybe even months. (Cut to Sloane and Sydney waltzing. Sydney's cell phone rings. They stop dancing as she answers it.) Sydney: Hello? (pause, listening) Thank you. (She turns off her cell phone and puts it away.) Sydney: Marshall says the security system is shut down. Sloane: Well, then I propose you make this fight look real. (Sydney screws up her face and then slaps Sloane hard across the face. Sloane holds his face as Sydney stalks off. The Minister was watching and appears amused.) (Cut to a jeep driving down a dirt road. MEXICO. Cut to reveal Vaughn driving. Pan to Lauren in the passenger side. They slow and stop the jeep as they see a boy on the side of the road. He appears unconscious, his bicycle lying on top of him.) Lauren: Oh, God It's a boy. (Vaughn and Lauren get out of the jeep and begin to approach the boy. Suddenly the boy jumps up, gets on his bike and starts to ride away. Vaughn realizes suddenly this is a set up.) Vaughn (urgently): Get back in the car! (Suddenly men from every direction appear from the brush, brandishing guns. The leader of the group walks forward.) Leader (in Spanish): Hands up. Now! (The members force Vaughn and Lauren to kneel in the street with their hands up.) Vaughn (in Spanish): We have 500 dollars. Take it! (One of the group rushes forward and hits Vaughn hard in the head with the butt of his rifle, giving him a bleeding gash.) Leader (in Spanish): Keep your mouth shut. (The members tie Vaughn and Lauren's hands behind their back. The leader steps away from them, places a phone call.) Leader: We have them. (Cut to a fan blowing. In the background is a blurry figure of a man speaking (with Jack's voice)) Jack: The payment will be left in the confessional of the Sun on the Hill church, as instructed. Hold them for at least two hours, then let them go. (Leader nods, and turns off his cell phone, turning back to face Vaughn and Lauren.) Leader: Vamonos, muchachos! (The other members drag Vaughn and Lauren up, forcing them to move. Cut to Javier Perez, watching as two men speak at the doorway of the police station. He watches as a man with his back to Javier hands a large roll of cash to the police chief. The chief hands Jack the keys and then strolls out of the station, closing the door behind him. Javier watches carefully as the man starts to approach. He backs up, frightened as he sees the man approach him .It's Jack Bristow and he doesn't look happy. Cut to black. End of Act Two.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Sydney locking the bathroom door. She strips off her long black evening gown to reveal a black catsuit underneath. She hides the evening gown underneath the sink. She turns on her comm. link.) Sydney: Marshall, I'm goin' in. (Cut to Dixon.) Dixon: Copy that. Security systems are off-line. You're cleared for entry. Keep your face covered. You can't afford to be recognized. (Cut to Sydney putting on a black ski mask that leaves only her eyes visible. (same kind of mask they used in the SD-6 raid) She enters the Minister's office, sets her cell phone on a table in the room. She finds the hidden safe behind some wood paneling. Sydney uses a lock descrambler that appears to be some sort of makeup case. The lock unhitches and she opens the door.) Sydney: Checking for sensors we're good. (Sydney removes a large metal case from the safe and places it on the table. She opens the case. Inside is the prototype maser. She removes it from the case, removes its outer cover, removes the back cover of her cell phone and connects the cell phone to the motherboard of the maser.) Sydney: Okay, Marshall uplink established. (Cut to Marshall and Dixon.) Marshall: Copy that, Mountaineer give me two seconds to corrupt the code (Cut to Chinese guards. One of the security camera feeds flashes to life for a split second and loses picture again, but the feed is from the Minister's office. In that split second we could see Sydney in the room.) Guard #1 (in Chinese): What was that? (Cut to Marshall and Dixon) Marshall: Uh oh Dixon: What's the matter? Marshall: Security system's back online. I don't know how they did it, but it's up. Dixon: Well, can you get it back off-line? Marshall: Give me two seconds (Cut back to security room. The security screens remain off, but Guard #1 is convinced he saw something.) Guard #2 (in Chinese): I didn't see anything. (Guard #1 gets up with his gun drawn. Guard #2 follows him. Cut to Dixon.) Dixon: Sydney, you may have been compromised. Get out of there. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Marshall, how much longer? (Cut to Dixon) Dixon: No! Get out of there now! (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: How long!? Marshall (over comms): Just give me one minute. (Sydney hears the guards coming. She runs over to the window and grabs a rope tieback from the drape. As the two guards enter the room, she kicks them so they fall back into each other. She uses the rope to knock the first guard's gun out of his hand. She kicks the gun out of the other's hand. She uses the rope to wrap around one of their legs to yank him off his feet. She turns to fight the other. He ends up trying to punch her. She grabs his fist and flings him over her shoulder. Cut to Marshall and Dixon listening worriedly on comms. Cut back to Sydney. One guard grabs a ceremonial sword off the wall and tries to attack her with it. Sydney evades the sword, knocking a wooden arm off a piece of furniture. He goes to slice her with the sword and she blocks with the wooden armpiece and then hits him in the face with it. The other guard jumps at her, knocking the wood out of her hand and causing her to fall over. She falls next to a small table with a pair of sais on them (the special three pronged long knives that Elektra used in Daredevil). She grabs them and fights off the first guard (the one with the sword). The other guard gets up, also with a sword now. Sydney is in the middle of the two guards, fighting off both of them with a sai in each hand. She does this very cool windmill move with her sais which throws both men off balance so she can kick one and elbow the other. The one she kicks comes back first and she trips him with a sai to the boot. The other guard comes running at her. She takes out his sword, flips the sai in her hand so the butt end of the sai is up and punches him in the face with it, then roundhouse kicks him in the chest when he's down. The other guard gets up and charges her. He takes out both sais so they are fighting hand to hand. She punches him in the face, kicks him and then does this completely awesome kick where she almost runs up his front, kicks him and does a back flip. She lifts her mask and says over comms) Sydney: Marshall, are you done? (Cut to Marshall) Marshall: Yeah, go, go, go! (Cut to Sydney, her mask up around her forehead. She checks her cell phone and detatches it, pulls her mask back on and takes off.) (Cut to Lauren, Vaughn and the police chief entering the police station.) Chief: You are very lucky they let you go. Crime on the highways has become an embarrassment. If you'd like to file a report, I will see that it receives the highest priority Lauren: No, thank you. We'd like to extradite Mr. Perez as soon as possible. Chief: Very well. (grabs cell keys) This way (They walk toward the jail cell. Pan in the cell from feet hanging upward. Perez is hanging from a homemade noose in the cell. Cut to Vaughn and then Lauren's reaction.) Chief: Aye is me. (does the sign of the cross) Vaughn: Who else has been to see Mr. Perez since he arrived here? Chief: No one. I am truly sorry you came this way for nothing. (Lauren looks at Vaughn. He looks away, looking very upset, as if he believes something is up, and he knows why.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to a limousine driving down a Chinese highway. Cut to inside the limo. Sloane sits on one side, Sydney on the other. She removes the backing to her cell phone and removes the memory chip.) Sydney: You'll give this to the Covenant. It contains the corrupted copy of the operating system. The Covenant will track it back to the Chinese prototype, which has also been corrupted. They won't suspect that you've betrayed them. (Sydney turns and looks out the window, her hand on her forehead as if she's nursing a headache.) Sloane (smiling wryly and nodding): I see. I wonder how many times your handler said something like that to you before you were about to give me something like this? A small object of tremendous value that I asked you to steal for SD-6 that you then rendered useless in order to prevent its exploitation by the Alliance. Sydney (still looking out the window, sarcastically): It happened on occasion. Sloane: There was a time you trusted me Sydney: That was before I knew who you were That was before I knew who I was Sloane: Oh, no, it was more recent than that. The day you were found in Hong Kong, your resurrection, as it were this letter arrived at my office. (He removes a letter from inside his coat jacket and holds it out for Sydney. She takes it from him to look at it.) Sloane: My analyst confirmed what I recognized instantly, what I'm sure you'll verify on your own the handwriting is yours. (Cut to a close up of the letter addressed to Sloane in Sydney's handwriting. She opens it and finds a small manila key envelope that says For Sydney on it. She opens that and finds a key and a small piece of paper with a set of numbers on it.) Sloane: I'd never seen that code before. I didn't want to offer it to anyone else. Unfortunately, I couldn't decipher it myself. But since those items were once in your possession, I thought you might want them back. (Sydney stares at the key in her hand and then at the code.) (Cut to aerial shot of LA by day. Inside the JTF center, Vaughn approaches Jack.) Vaughn (walking by him as he speaks through gritted teeth, not slowing down, his voice full of repressed anger): Let's talk. Jack (in falsely innocent voice): Of course. (Jack follows Vaughn into the conference room and closes the door.) Vaughn: You killed Javier Perez, you son of a bitch! Jack: You've just returned from a traumatic experience, Mr. Vaughn, you're understandably emotional which would explain your baseless accusation. Vaughn (visibly angry): You're right, I am emotional. I get that way when I see a gun pressed to my wife's temple! Jack (so completely unimpressed that he's almost amused): Ours is a risky business (Jack starts to walk away, but turns back when Vaughn starts to speak again.) Vaughn: Armed rebels take us hostage and then let us go out of the kindness of their hearts? You didn't think I'd see through that!? Jack (his face still carefully blank, but his voice is slightly more annoyed): Thankfully you were graced by a stroke of luck. Vaughn (starting to get up in Jack's face now, very angry): You really expect me to believe that a man on the verge of bartering for his freedom just decided to hang himself!? Jack (annoyed now): Mr. Perez had a price on his head. He most likely knew his days were numbered (angry voiced now, almost yelling) What part of this doesn't have a rational explanation!? (Vaughn grabs Jack by the lapels of his jacket and shoves him roughly up against the wall, snarling at him, eyes flashing) Vaughn: If you ever put my wife's life in danger again, I will kill you! (Jack and Vaughn stare each other down for a moment before we focus in on Jack's face. He's shaking with controlled anger. Through gritted teeth, he spits out ) Jack: Then perhaps you finally understand the moral compromises you'll make when someone you love is in danger (Jack shoves Vaughn away from him roughly. They stare at each other for another second and then Jack turns on his heel and stalks from the room, leaving Vaughn to glare at his receding back. This last comment obviously hit some kind of nerve with Vaughn. Cut to black. End of Act Three.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Slide cut to Lauren in a parking garage, getting into her car. She tries to start her car, but it won't start. After trying a couple of times, she sighs, she pops the trunk and gets out. She opens the hood and finds that something's unattached (sorry, not a car buff I don't know what it is). She reconnects it and starts to close the hood when we hear a clicking noise. Pan out to Sark, holding a gun to the back of Lauren's neck.) Sark: Get in the car please (Lauren carefully puts the hood down on her car and gets into the driver's seat. Sark gets into the backseat, still pointing the gun at her head.) Sark: I've jammed the feed of the CCTV cameras, so let us speak freely. You know who I am? Lauren: Yes. (she looks up in the rearview mirror at him) Sark: I understand your investigation into the Lazarey murder has hit a dead end. What a pity Lauren: How do you know about that? Sark: I know because I framed Javier Perez, assuming he'd be extradited to the United States, and that once he was in custody, he'd be forced to confess what he knows namely, the identity of Andrian Lazarey's murderer. Lauren: This is the second time I've had a gun put to my head; I don't particularly like it. Now, I'm going to assume that if you wanted me dead, I would be; so if you have something to tell me, do it! (Sark smirks in admiration of her guts, then grabs a portfolio and hands it to her. Lauren takes it, looking at him questioningly in the rearview mirror.) Sark: A wedding present. A touch informal, I know, but everything else on your registry was taken. (beat) Open it. (Lauren opens the portfolio to a series of black and white photographs. They are photos of Lazarey's murder.) Lauren: Where did you get these? Sark: Where is not important. What is important is who. (Lauren begins to slowly look through the photographs as Sark speaks.) Sark: Her name is Julia Thorne, merely an alias. She goes by another name, a name you're quite familiar with (Lauren flips to the next picture. It is a close up of Julia's face, clearly proving that she is Sydney Bristow.) Lauren (shocked, mortified): Oh, my God Sark: Now you should understand why I'd risk coming to you like this. I recently learned that Sydney Bristow murdered a father I never had a chance to know. (Cut to Lauren's face, openmouthed in complete shock at learning Sydney is Julia Thorne.) Sark: I suspect you have your own reasons for disliking her; therefore I'm confident that you'll relay this information to the appropriate parties. (Sark opens the car door, then stops.) Sark: By the way I've rigged a weight sensitive charge to the underside of this vehicle. Once I leave you, I'll activate it. If you attempt to get out of the car before thirty minutes has elapsed, the charge will detonate. (pause) It has been a pleasure, Ms. Reed. (Sark gets out of the car. Lauren's face shows a mixture of apprehension, and anger. Sark stands in front of the hood and uses a device to activate the charge. He nods and walks off.) (Cut to more of Sydney's dream. Multicolored birds flying, the angel statue with the pitcher and plate. She is awakened from the dream by the ringer of her cell phone. She's on the CIA jet flying back to LA.) Sydney (slightly out of breath and panting from the aftereffects of her dream): Hello? (Cut to Jack at JTF Center) Jack: It's me. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Dad Jack (voiceover): Are you all right? You sound upset. Sydney: Yeah no, I'm fine. Did you receive my transmission? (Cut to Jack) Jack: Yes. Sloane gave you a key, which he claims was sent to him some time before you woke up in Hong Kong. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Yeah, his claim was pretty convincing it was written in my handwriting. (Cut to Jack) Jack: The cyphertext as well? (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Yes. Why? (Cut to Jack) Jack: Remember when I told you that during the time you were missing, I contacted your mother? That ciphertext was encoded using a method that she devised. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: What does this mean? That I was in contact with Mom during the two years I was gone? (Cut to Jack) Jack: If that's true, she failed to mention it during our last communication. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Can you break the code? Jack (voiceover): Yes, I learned the code from your mother last year. (Cut to Jack) Jack: It's an address in Rome: 1124 Piazza Barberini, the penthouse apartment does that mean anything to you? (Cut to Sydney, shocked) Sydney: No. Jack (voiceover): I had a local contact pull up the property record. (Cut to Jack) Jack: The apartment was purchased a year ago. The buyer chose to remain anonymous. (Cut to Sydney) Jack (voiceover): Get some rest. (Cut to Jack) Jack: When you get back, you and I will go to Rome together. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Okay. (Cut to Vaughn, running out into the parking garage. An agent talking on the telephone puts out a hand as to signal he should slow down. He slows, sees Lauren's car lit up with bright lights and yellow caution tape surrounding it. The bomb squad is there; they are taking pictures of the scene. Pan over to a spot about 30 feet away, where Lauren is standing next to a pillar, her arms crossed, looking out into the darkness of the empty parking garage. As soon as Vaughn spots her, he goes running toward her. As he approaches, Lauren turns slightly. He wraps his arms tightly around her, letting out a sigh of relief. She holds him as well.) Vaughn (anguished): Are you all right? Lauren: Yes. Vaughn (still out of breath and worried): Did he hurt you? (Lauren shakes her head no. Vaughn pulls back.) Lauren (looking down, whispers): No (Vaughn runs a hand down the side of her face.) Vaughn: I am so sorry (his face hardens slightly, more determined) We'll find him. (Lauren looks at him. For a moment she looks uncertain, then she says, bitterness lacing her voice.) Lauren: He told me that Julia Thorne is really Sydney Bristow (Instantly a look of guilt and remorse floods Vaughn's face. He swallows hard and takes an infinitesimal step backward. Lauren looks down and shakes her head, almost it tears.) Lauren (painfully): I wasn't sure if you knew now I know (Vaughn turns and walks away from the men working on Lauren's car, pulling her along with him.) Vaughn (intensely, trying to explain): I was under orders not to say anything, just as you were. Lauren: Whose orders!? Vaughn: Dixon's. Lauren (indignant): Dixon knows!? Vaughn: Yes. Lauren: And Jack, Weiss everyone!? (They stop walking. Vaughn turns to face Lauren.) Vaughn: That's not the point! Lauren: It's exactly the point! (Cut to Lauren's face. She's angry, hurt, feeling betrayed by everyone.) Lauren (emotionally): Everyone at that office kept secret from the NSC the one thing I've been desperately trying to learn! How long have you known!? Vaughn: (pauses and then) Three weeks. Lauren: For three weeks you've been trying to derail my investigation! Vaughn: Lauren, Sydney doesn't remember any of it Lauren (cutting Vaughn off angrily): Do not defend her to me! Vaughn: I am explaining why Dixon issued the Lauren (cutting him off again, pain lacing her face and voice): I am your wife! You kept Sydney's secret from me! You protected Sydney over me; something I refuse to do with you! Vaughn: It's not that simple! (A look of almost fear passes across Lauren's face.) Lauren (softer, painfully): Do you still love her? Vaughn (angrily): Oh, damn it! That's not what this is about! She is [/i]not my wife[/i]! (Lauren stares at him pain in her eyes. She wants to believe him. She nods just slightly as if saying she understands.) Vaughn (still upset, less angry, more earnestly): You can't punish her for the fact that she and I had a past. If you report this to Lindsay Lauren, he's gonna want to know everything she did over those two years Lauren: As well he should. Vaughn: Look, the only way to access her memory is through a dangerous, invasive procedure that Lauren (cutting him off): I'm aware of the procedures, none of which they would force on a US agent. Vaughn: Lazarey was a Russian diplomat. All Lindsay has to do is form an extradition agreement with the Russians and she will be shipped to Moscow where she has no rights as an American. He'll run the procedure there. (Lauren shakes her head. She doesn't want to believe what she's hearing could be true.) Lauren: He can't do that She's a CIA operative Vaughn: Think about it! You know better than anyone, Lindsay will not hesitate to break the rules. (Lauren looks down. What Vaughn is saying is starting to sink in. Worry and fear begins to bloom on her face.) Vaughn: If he learns about this, Sydn (Vaughn stops talking when he sees the look on Lauren's face. She looks afraid and guilty. Realization dawns on Vaughn's face. He stares at her in shocked disbelief.) Vaughn (hoarsely): Oh God, Lauren you already reported her. (Lauren's pain also becomes hard edged.) Lauren: You followed your orders I followed mine. (Panic blossoms on Vaughn's face. He stares at Lauren with a How could you do this? expression and takes off in a run.) Lauren (calling after him): Michael (He doesn't stop or look back. Lauren blinks back tears, looking away from his retreating form and then back, pained and shocked that he would just take off like that.) (Cut to the CIA plane landing in LA. Cut to Sydney, walking inside the airport terminal, carrying a small bag of luggage. Her telephone rings. She retrieves her phone from her coat pocket.) Sydney: Hello? Vaughn (voiceover): Sydney, it's me. Don't go home; the NSC knows everything. (Cut to Vaughn in the JTF on his cell phone.) Vaughn: Meet me at terminal one. I'll explain everything once I pick you up. (Cut to a car driving down a road behind a chain link fence.) Sydney (voiceover, breathless with worry): How the hell did they find out? Vaughn (voiceover): Sark told Lauren. (Cut to Sydney and Vaughn inside the car.) Sydney (gasping): [I[Sark!?[/i] (She puts a hand to her head nervously.) Vaughn: I have a plane waiting for you at the Dover airfield. It will take you anywhere, but you have to tell me where you want to go someplace you know well, so you can disappear Sydney: If the NSC wants to find me, they will. Look, I was someone else for two years, Vaughn someone I don't even remember! What am I supposed to do now, just spend the rest of my life in hiding? Vaughn: Between that and a lobotomy, there isn't a choice! Sydney: I can't keep running forever Vaughn: I'll do everything I can to make sure you won't have to. (Sydney looks at Vaughn with renewed resolve) Sydney: Rome. I'm going to Rome. (Vaughn takes out his cell phone and starts dialing a number. Cut to Vaughn's car pulling up in front of the small airfield. Sydney and Vaughn climb out, Vaughn's still talking on his cell phone.) Vaughn (in Italian): Thank you. (Vaughn hangs up and meets Sydney on the passenger side of the car.) Vaughn: There's a café a the corner of Via del Corso and Via Condotti Café Ruby. There's a payphone with a false bottom; you'll find money and a new passport. Sydney: Good thing I'm already packed (She's trying to make this moment easier lighter, but its not working the pain shows on her face.) Vaughn: You should go. (Pain shows on Vaughn's face, too. He's trying to hold it together, be strong for her, but his eyes tell her this is affecting him.) (Sydney looks down for a moment. Tears gather in her eyes. She looks back up to meet his eyes.) Sydney (an almost whisper, pained, grieving, baring her inner thoughts with Vaughn for perhaps the first time since she's been back): Vaughn why are you doing this? My life is already a disaster now yours is, too. (She's trying not to cry.) (Vaughn follows suit. His eyes are full of pain, grief, sorrow, and yes, love. His voice is soft, honest, increasingly emotional.) Vaughn: What happened between us everything the way it is isn't anyone's fault, Sydney. (Cut to Sydney's face. Tears pool up in her eyes. She looks as if she could break down crying at any moment.) Vaughn (voiceover): And even though everything's changed (Cut to Vaughn. He shakes his head slightly. His eyes are so full of his emotions. He looks pained, grief stricken and loving.) Vaughn (his voice hoarse from emotion): some things don't. (Cut to Sydney. She bites her lip and looks down, tears about to roll down her cheeks. Cut back to Vaughn who has the same intent look on his face.) Vaughn (choked up): I'm not gonna lose you twice. (Cut to Sydney. She closes her eyes. Hearing this hurts so much but it's a good hurt. For the first time, she knows that he still loves her, that she's still important to him and she needed to hear this. She looks up at him, tears overflowing, and searches his face, as if looking for confirmation there that he's meant what he said. She steps forward and puts her arms around him. Vaughn puts his arms around her, holds her, closing his eyes and burying his face in her hair. Cut to Sydney. As she feels his arms close around her, she closes her eyes. Cut back to Vaughn. His eyes are still closed. He moves his hand from her hair to her shoulder in an almost reverent way, savoring every last moment of her in his arms. Finally, they pull apart, overcome with emotion. Their heads are so close together. Cut to Sydney as she pulls out of his hug. She sighs, looks at his lips and for a fleeting moment, leans slightly toward him before pulling back. Her eyes are so full of love for him, its obvious she's struggling against these emotions, to not give in to what she wants, because she knows he's not hers anymore. Cut to Vaughn. He's full of these same emotions and has a similar reaction. He stares at her lips and leans slightly forward, wanting so badly to kiss her He waits, doesn't make the final move. Cut to Sydney. Love and pain blend so seamlessly in her face. Then she swallows, tries to gather up her courage, and she pulls back from him slightly, sobbing, nodding, almost as if in silent acknowledgment an I wanted to, too ) Sydney (in a choked whisper): Thank you (Vaughn straightens up. Pain blossoms on his face, as if he knows she was right to pull back, but part of him didn't want her to. Also, he realizes he's about to lose her all over again. He nods slightly as if to say, Okay, I understand. Let's do what we have to do. He leans down and picks up her bag for her. She is still trying to get a handle on her emotions, sobbing quietly and blinking back her tears. Vaughn straightens, schooling his features to be strong for her. She sees this, and smiles sadly. She bends her head a little and walks away. The moment Sydney is past him, Vaughn closes his eyes briefly in pain. Cut to a wide-angle shot of Sydney walking away, leaving Vaughn to watch her go. Cut to black. End of Act Four.) [SCENE_BREAK] (ROME. Push through the M. A scene of Rome at night. Cut to Sydney as an antique type elevator stops on a floor and lets her out.) Sydney (to elevator attendant): Grazie. (Sydney walks down the hallway toward the apartment, passing an Italian man speaking on a cell phone. He passes her and keeps walking until he gets to the staircase. Then he stops, turns, and looks back at Sydney.) (Cut to helicopter flyover of LA by day.) Dixon (voiceover): Sydney didn't check in this morning (Cut to Dixon in the JTF center, speaking to someone) Dixon: and she's not answering her cell phone. (Cut to Vaughn, trying to remain passive faced. Dixon is obviously speaking to him.) Dixon (voiceover): Do you know where she is? Vaughn: I don't know. (Cut to Jack, who's standing next to him. He gives Vaughn's face an assessing look, as if he knows something is up. Vaughn glances at Jack for a split second. Lauren walks up from behind them, giving Vaughn a hard look, as if saying she knows what he's done, before turning toward Dixon and giving him her full attention. Her arms are crossed and her chin is tilted upward slightly in a gesture of defiance. Cut to Vaughn, meeting her eyes. There's pain and a bit of betrayal in his eyes, as well as a bit of apprehension, as if this is the first time he's had to face her since running away from her in the parking garage the night before.) Lauren: Director Dixon, I need to speak with you in your office, please. (Dixon looks from Lauren's face to Vaughn's, slightly taken aback, but answers politely.) Dixon: Of course. (Cut to Vaughn, glancing again at Lauren. Now his apprehension is growing, as if his look says, Oh God now what has she done? Lauren gives him another hard look before stalking off. Vaughn watches her leave, his face a mixture of regret, pain, irritation, anger. He aims a sullen look at Lauren's back. Once Lauren is out of earshot, Jack addresses him. His tone is a bit more civilized and respectful than he usually uses with Vaughn.) Jack: The NSC knows that Sydney is responsible for Lazarey's murder, don't they? (Vaughn just stares at him, not answering.) Jack: I presume you're the one who helped her disappear last night (Vaughn still doesn't answer Jack, but his eyes tell the story. Vaughn's jaw is slightly clenched stubbornly, as if he's expecting to get reamed out by Jack at any moment.) Jack: Tell me, what else are you willing to do to see Sydney through this? (At the mention of Sydney's name, Vaughn gets a momentary faraway look in his eyes, blinking rapidly. But just as quickly, the look is gone, completely replaced by a defiant Balls of Steel! Vaughn look. Meeting Jack's eyes head on, he says ) Vaughn: What did you have in mind? (Cut to Dixon and Lauren entering Dixon's office. Lauren still has her arms crossed, but there's less defiance in her stance now. She's still strong, but not looking forward to what she's about to do.) Dixon (gesturing to the couch): Please, sit. Lauren: No, thank you. (beat) Director Dixon (Dixon stops and turns to face her.) Lauren: You have always been direct and fair with me, which is why I take no pleasure in what I'm about to say. (Cut to Dixon's reaction. His face appears carefully, purposefully blank, waiting what he is starting to realize is coming.) Lauren: Under authority of the National Security Council, Robert Lindsay has instructed me to relieve you of duty as director of this task force until he arrives to assume control. Dixon (features still carefully schooled): On what grounds? Lauren: Obstruction of justice. Willingly conspiring to impede an international investigation into the murder of Andrian Lazarey. (Dixon reacts to this news. He looks upward, sighs impatiently and gives Lauren a surly look.) Lauren: I have photographic evidence Sydney Bristow was his killer. (Dixon turns away and starts walking around his desk.) Lauren: We've learned you've known about this for some time. Dixon (leaning across his desk, not in a threatening way): It is within my purview to compartmentalize information, Lauren. If Bob Lindsay has issue with that, he can take it up with the Director of Central Intelligence. Lauren: He has. Feel free to call DCI yourself for confirmation although I suspect your phone will be ringing any moment. These premises are to be locked down until Lindsay arrives with Federal Agents. (Cut to Dixon's reaction. He's really not pleased with what he's hearing. His face is almost one of defiance, but not quite.) Lauren (voiceover): That means, until such time, nobody leaves. Dixon (his stare unwavering): I take it you have Sydney in custody. Lauren: Not yet but we know where she is. (Cut to a close up of Sydney's hand as she inserts the key she got from Sloane into a door lock. It fits. She turns the key and opens the door. She turns on a light just inside the door and lays the key on a table there. She looks around, amazed. The apartment is decorated with expensive paintings and sculptures a leather sofa. She wanders through the room, touching objects as if hoping they'll give her some clues. She rubs her hand across a black table. A thin layer of dust appears on her fingers. She rubs it off absently. The apartment obviously hasn't been vacant for long. She wanders into another room and turns on the light. Cut to her entering the bedroom and turning on another light. She takes off her coat, lying it absently on the bed. She sits on the bed, fingers the tapestry of a bed pillow, then lays back on the bed with her eyes closed, letting out a long sigh. She looks up to a chilling sight: out of a large skylight over the bed, she sees several white doves flapping around and behind them, is the same statue from her nightmare, atop the spire of what appears to be a church. The church bells ring in the background. Cut to Sydney's wide-eyed reaction to the statue. Focus in on the statue, which appears to be coming every closer Cut to Sydney splashing water on her face in the bathroom, obviously spooked. She looks up at the mirror over the sink, face still dripping with water, and then, as if a sudden thought crossed her mind; she pulls the medicine cabinet open, searching. She grabs a prescription bottle, pulls it out and closes the cabinet. A close up on the bottle reveals it belongs to Julia Thorne. She opens the cabinet again to see if there are any more clues in there and slowly closes the door again. As it closes, we see a man who appears to be a policeman right behind her. He grabs her from behind and drags her out to the living room where five or six armed police officers stand in a circle around her.) Officer #1 (en italien): Get down on the floor! Officer #2 (en italien ): Quick! Handcuff her! (Sydney is slammed to the carpet as they handcuff her. Close up on Sydney's still wet face as the police officer says ) Officer #1 (en italien): In conjunction with the N.S.C of the United States of America, you are under arrest! (From Sydney's panicked face we Cut to Black. ALIAS. End of Act Five.)
doc_190	Ted (2030): Why do they fight? What is it hidden in us that drives us to settle disagreements with our fists? (In Lily's class, two boys fight) Whatever it is, this is from the beginning. Lily: Stop fighting! Boy 1: Why? Lily: It's stupid and childish. Boy 2: It has been six years. It is stupid and childish. Ted (2030): Children, I fought just once in my life. And that's how it happened. You know I have recently been abandoned at the altar. And the worst when it comes to us, apart from being abandoned at the altar, is what happens after. A steady stream, persistent and unbearable pity. At McClaren's, Wendy brings drinks to Marshall, Lily, Barney, Ted and Robin. Wendy: Cranberry Vodka, gin and tonic. Scotch and soda. Ted: Thank you. Can I see the menu? Wendy: Ted, I'll get you a menu... but I promise I will return. Ted: We'll have to go elsewhere. In this bar, I will always be the guy left at the altar. It sucks! Barney: Good times. Ted: We lost Barney. Robin: What? Lily: There's a girl there in a sweater wrap. He does not listen to a word they say. Hein, Barney? Barney: Leave me alone! Ted: He understood, there is little time, he could hold a conversation with just the titles of sitcoms "black" of the 70s and 80s. Barney: What's going on? Lily: Barney, you wanna go and get my stuff does not Marshall? Barney: Diff'rent Strokes. Man: What is this? Ted (2030): I spoke to Doug, children? Not? Well... Flashback In McClaren's... Ted (2030): Doug Martin was in McClaren's bartender. He was always in the corner. Barney: You... Been to Ted? Ted: It is not play "You know Ted." Barney (a pencil in his nose): I'm dead? (Doug misses and laughs) I'm dead? (It is disguised as a woman) Tonight... I am a lesbian. Ted (2030): There are three things to know about Doug. The first is that Doug is a bit violent. Doug:... collapsed, so he's down. And it hits him! He made this face, trembling. What we did is that we left it there. I ressers? Ted (2030): The second is that he was weird about her hair... Doug: What? Ted: What? Doug: You look at my hair? Ted: No, sir. Not at all. Doug: That's a dummy. It's funny? Want to laugh? It's funny?Why you do not tear out? Ted: What? Doug: Go ahead, tear it out of my head. Go ahead. Want to pull? Go. Go, go and pluck it out. You want to tear my head?Pluck my hairpiece my head. I love you, guys! Ted (2030): But the third is that he was very faithful with its regulars. Ted, Lily Marshall, Barney and Robin arrive at the bar. Doug: There they are! You want your table? All: We will be well by then. Doug: Yes? Yes? Ted (2030): Maybe a little too faithful. Doug: No, that's right, all right. (He goes to the usual table where Ted and his friends are) Lovebirds! Put it elsewhere, this table is reserved. Here we go! Now! Go! We move, my Father. Here we go. OK, guys, here! End flashback Ted (2030): So that's Doug. Doug: What is this? Ted: Some guys are sitting at our table. But you know, it's good. Doug: Let's go, I take care of that. Lily: Damn, there goes. Doug: Ladies, if you will join your table. Gentlemen, I need your help out. Ted: Our help? Doug: We're going down the aisle and fight with these guys. Barney: What's going on? GENERIC Ted: Sorry, you just said... Doug: These guys are off-handedness. So we go outside and they fit in, OK? It's gonna be fun! Doug part. Ted: He wants to be fought? As with our hands and stuff? Marshall: And your feet maybe? I do not know the rules. Ted: A fight. We gotta go? Barney: No, I would fight for three things, the closing of a stubborn bra, accusations of sexual harassment... 9 of 9! And wanted to vomit when I see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit. Marshall: The fighting is for dummies. We are civilized people, civilized people not fight. Except with a lightsaber, but that's in for 3 or 5 years... Robin: That's not true. Marshall: I'm on the forums every day. In 3-5 Thanksgiving, I découperai turkey with my saber green. Robin: No, I say there are plenty of legitimate reasons to fight, it is perhaps not beautiful, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Ted: Yes, I forgot. She is sexy fights. Robin: No, it's true! I love it! I have a culture of hockey. If a guy is a fighter, it is rather sexy. And scars, seriously! If a guy has one, it has a Robin. And if he lost a tooth, I lose my panties. Barney: I lost my wisdom tooth. Without surgery. Local anesthesia. Frankly, it's nothing. Ted: We should go. Lily: I can not believe that we have this discussion. Ted, you're 30, you're too old to act like that. Ted (2030): I was 30. And of those 30 years, I was struck once. Flashback Ted is in a bar. Ted: There is an explanation very simp... A man gives him a punch. End flashback Ted (2030): There was this thing in colo. Flashback Ted is in the forest with children. Ted: Today we are going to braid friendship bracelets. A pat on the boy's private parts and they run off. Ted (2030): In college, I studied Kung-Fu. And some other stuff. For the goat, it would be a few months after. End flashback Ted (2030): The idea is that I had never beaten. Ted: I'm going. Lily: No! Marshall: Listen to me, trust me, I fought hard. There is no pride to be learned. Ted: With which you fought? Marshall: My brothers. Barney: Yeah, it was surely the ruckus in the playroom of Eriksen. Flashback Marshall horseplay with his two brothers. A brother: I love the squabbles between brothers! Marshall: That's the monster of guilis! Brother 2: Patrol Commies! Marshall: Wait! Go! Go! Cocoa break. End flashback Ted: Break cocoa. OK, it's time to fight. Lily: Ted, do not do that, you're a good guy. This is your greatest quality. Ted: Oh yeah? I seem to remember that this guy was well dumped by his girlfriend for a Taekwondo teacher. It might sound crazy, but... I need that. I think it's an experience I do. I go there. Ted part. Barney: Me too! (Followed by Barney) Guys... watch what face. The next time you see it, it will be distorted as the sexiest possible. Because that's what I am: a real man. I like to fight and do battle in the dirt. You find me a wooden hanger for that? Ted and Barney arrive in the driveway but Doug already has to KO the other guy. Barney: It's been what? Doug: I know, huh! Who do now eyeing more my hairpiece?Look what they did! Ted: "We"? Doug: Yes, "on". Come on, we made a great team. Well done guys! We did it! Ted: No, you did. There was nothing we. Doug: OK, yes, it is clear, I have beaten three types alone. You and you, free drinks for life. Doug enters the bar. Ted: He thinks he fought with him. Barney: We fought with him. So we will go and tell everyone the legendary story of how we beat types. And everyone will find it great and everyone goes back to bed with me. Ted: Come on man, no one will believe we fought, we look at. Barney: Oh, it's good... Barney gives a blow to itself. Ted: What are you doing? Barney: What I should have done there is a lease. Ted: What? Barney: I dunno, I typed the eye! I even know what I say! I have a great right, either. You ready? Ted: To go home? Barney: No, for that. Barney gives a blow to Ted. Ted: You hit me in the nose! Barney: Are you crying? Ted: Yes, I cry! You hit me in the nose! Barney: It's going to swell to death. You're going to look like Owen Wilson. Come on, we go. Ted: Ok, but we do not add too. I do not want it to catch proportions. Barney enters the bar, followed by Ted. Doug says the fight to include Ted and Barney. Doug: Can Ted arrives, takes off her shoe hit him in the mouth... A, they are! The guys who supported me! Everyone applauds. Always at the bar, but at their usual table... Marshall: So you fought. Seriously. Ted: No, Barney hit us head to pretend. Without in December ', Marshall! Robin: Just look at that eye. You look like a bad boy. I did not know you had it in me. You. That you had it in you. Barney: You... want to touch? It affects the eye of Barney. Robin: My God, it's hot! Doug: The pot of victory! Blackjack! Blackjack! Blackjack!Blackjack! $ 7 50. Marshall: Why should I pay? Doug: Because thou hast not supported. They supported me. Marshall: You know what, Doug? I will gladly pay. And why?As adults do. They pay their glasses, and they fight it. You know what I did when you were kids? That's what I did. Barney: Your nails? Marshall: I was... Ted: The quiz of love in the last Gala? Marshall: No. I was... Barney: your best to not cry when Big came to Carrie at the end of the film sx and the City? Marshall: You spoiles? No. I'll tell you what I did... Robin: Tips to captain the football team because he gave you his ring and you were so cute in your evening gown? Lily: I'm sorry. Lily and Marshall are in their beds. Marshall: I hate them! They behave like guys the most virile of the universe, as Crocodile Dundee and David Hasselhoff. Lily: It's the guys the most virile of the universe? Marshall: I know why they are given all the attention. In fact, it's me, the real hero. Lily: Yeah, it's you. Marshall: I'm serious, woman. Put it in your pants. Lily: You're the man every boy should be and every girl should marry. You know what? I have two boys under way that will not stop fighting. If you come to school tomorrow to tell them your story of choice of the path of nonviolence, it could put them right. And avoid me getting up early to prepare lessons. Marshall: Okay. OK. I recadrerai. [SCENE_BREAK] Lily's class... Boy 1: wimp! Marshall: What? No! The panda and the koala Mahatma Luther King tell you that story to show... Boy 2: Show that you're a wimp? Boy 1: Why hast not beaten? You were afraid? Marshall: What? I was not afraid! I did a lot of fights, OK? Boy 2: You're great! You have to weigh almost 500 pounds. Marshall: First, I wear a sweater off, which has horizontal stripes. And I also... I ate salty... So I... You know what? Shut up! Boy 2: wimp! Wimp! The two boys fight while others cry. Barney and Ted are in the bar and talk with two women. Woman 1: So you've just beaten? Barney: Just? Ted: Amanda, was it that simple? You know, the fight in melee, it is more than using force against his opponent, huh B? Barney: Exactly! Ted: It is an art. The noble art, as it were. Woman 2: But I do not understand, what they did to deserve this? Barney: It may seem insignificant, but they got to our table. Ted: At our table. Barney: And... Ted: No one. Barney:... no one sits at our table. 2 men are sitting at the table. Amanda: You will beat them up? Robin arrives at that time. Barney: Let's beat them up. Ted, come on. You two. Our table.Go. Now! Ted: What are you doing? Barney: Relax, it was Doug. Doug supports us. Ted: He's not here tonight. Barney: I offer you what? A drink? Money? These two girls over there? Man 1: It's you, Ted Mosby. Ted: Yes. Male 2: And you're Barney Stinson? Barney: They know who you are. All right, guys. It lets you go without kick your ass. This time. Okay? Both men are given two envelopes. Ted: That's... What is it? Man 2: You are summoned. Man 1: You are charged with assault. Enjoy it. The two men leave the bar. Barney: That was close. Barney, Ted and Marshall are at the apartment and watch the invitations. Ted: Assault! They continue to attack us! Barney: What is the penalty for assault? I'll have a fine?Picking up garbage on the highway? Because I already did that. Marshall: I know. Ted (2030): In fact, he knew they risked a small community service, surely no criminal charges. But he was furious against us. Marshall: You could have a good time in prison. Barney: The Prison? Ted: I can not go to jail! I could read a bunch of books, writing short stories. Drag me all the time. Seriously, if I get lost really hefty... Barney: You can not go to jail! They are dying in the hallways!And meals are really heavy. Marshall: You should have thought before beating them. Ted: And if we have not done? Marshall: No what? Ted: beaten. And if Doug had beaten them all alone and we had done nothing? Marshall: I knew it! You have not even given a single shot. Barney: I hit Ted and me, so... Marshall: Who's the wimp now? Answer: you. Ted: You can spin us a hand? Marshall: You know the old saying: "If you can not assume, do not pretend to have done, do not laugh and refuses glasses blackjack and not defend your friend, who, coincidentally, lived full of fights with his brothers. " Barney: You gotta help us, Marshall. We're the Three Musketeers! If I let Ted I how long? Robin entered the apartment. Robin: Barney? I was looking for you. I have tickets for the hockey game tonight. It's stupid. Want to go? It can run late, we could go see a drink after. Marshall: Listen to this. You know, this fight? The guys were pretending. And he left the apartment. Robin: Oh, I forgot! Tonight, it is not possible. I can not go to hockey tonight, I have this... This... This... She goes into the room. Back at the bar... Marshall: Good news, I talked to the guys. Ted: What guy? Marshall: The ones you do not beaten. They will not go to trial.Lawyer. Barney: What? They dropped? Marshall: Yes, I just told them you were wimps. It has made us laugh. Poilade good, actually. I said that you did manicure every month. Barney: Weeks, Wolverine... Some are careful. Marshall: And you played the harp in the dance club of the pre-reform in college. Ted: You're at least they said we were one of the best medieval music group of the academy? Marshall: Sure. We were all agreed that it was a guy who had beaten and that you had nothing to do with it... Ted: Wait, so... they attack Doug. Marshall: Affirmative. Ted: The angry, irrational, violent Doug, who now knows, you pushed under a bus. Doug (on phone): They what? Marshall, Barney, Lily and Robin are in the driveway with Doug. Barney: We can tell you... Doug: Explain what? How you have me stabbed in the back just under my eyes? Lily: Robin, I'm afraid. Robin: Yeah, Doug sees someone? Lily: You visit? You really should. Ted: Look, you do not understand, you beat these guys all by yourself. Marshall: It's true. They have nothing to do with it. Look at them. Barney: It's Ted's fault! Barney runs off. Marshall: Look at him. Ted: Yes, look at me! Marshall: It would not 5 minutes in combat. Ted: I could hold at least 5... Marshall: It is as limp as spaghetti. Ted: Yes, spaghetti with meatballs... Mate it. Look! Marshall: No. Doug: OK, maybe it was... than me. In fact, it makes sense. I have many black holes. In short, I have always supported. I expected much from you. And you did what? Nothing. We can not count on you. No wonder your girlfriend has dumped you. Ted (2030): And here, children, the only fight I've ever had.What can I say? For starters, a punch to the face, it hurts...very badly. And what hurts more? Ca (Doug gives him a punch too) All I remember is waking up. Barney comes running. Barney: OK, I'm hot. Let's go. Ted: A fight was not a good idea, actually. And that's my story. Ted tells his story to the class of Lily. Lily: And what did you learn? Ted: I learned that it is not right to fight and must never do. Lily: Questions? Boy 1: Where you find them? Boy 2: I know! Was a big sale at the market for wimps? Children: wimp! Wimp! And both boys are still fighting. Ted (2030): I have not told them what had really happened. Flashback Barney comes running. Barney: OK, I'm hot. Let's go. What has happened? Marshall: Ca Ted: Damn! Marshall: Apparently, Uncle Marshall and his brothers did more than fight. Robin: Marshall looks like. He lost weight? Lily: S ****, do not even think about. End flashback Ted and his friends at the bar. Ted (2030): Children, I would tell you that fighting is malet need to do it, but it's useless. So I tell you this: do you ever fight with Uncle Marshall. It's a big tared. Thanksgiving day, 3 to 4 years later... Marshall is with his family at the table. Marshall: It's so good to be home. Mom, Lily, good job. "Good meat, good food, good Lord, to the food. "No? OK, let's go. Put your glasses. (Everyone dons glasses and takes out a sword Marshall Green) Okay, pass me the plate. Lily, white or red meat? Lily: Red! Honey, be careful.
doc_191	Opening scene - Seth's bedroom - Summer and Seth are in there together. Summer is wearing a winter parka, and pulls another one out of a box Summer: (calls) Cohen come out I wanna see Seth: alright (Seth comes out wearing red longjohns, he doesn't look happy about it either,lol) Seth: (frowns) I feel like Paul Kettle Summer: (looks Seth up and down) not bad (smiles, holds out parka) try this on Seth: (raises eyebrows) oh wow you got us matching parkas Summer: mm-hmm (turns back to the box) an matching hats an matching scarves, we're gonna be the warmest most coordinated couple at Brown Seth: yeah, you think your jumpin the gun a little bit we wont get our acceptance letters till tomorrow Summer: oh please with your dorked out grades an my NASA level SAT's we are so getting in Seth: its Brown (holds out hands) everyone's got good grades an SAT's its very possible that neither of us could get in or that one of us could Summer: uh-huh, an which one of us would that be Cohen Seth: it's just as likely you'll get in an I wont Summer: (turns around) an you really believe that Seth: yeah, an then where would you be (Summer looks at him) be stuck in Providence with one half of a his an hers parka set Summer: (screws up face) yeah like id go if you didn't Seth: what (looks at Summer) Summer: Cohen, duh, I applied ta Brown so that we could be together I'm not going without you Seth: ...Summer Browns one of the top universities in the world people dream about going there Summer: no, you dream about going there (moves closer) I dream about being with the one I love (Seth looks down, Summer lifts the hood of Seth's parka onto his head and brushes the fluffy edging. Seth sniffs) Summer: aww even all padded up you still look so scrawny (frowns) Seth: I'm gonna go get some water I'm sweating so much I'm getting dehydrated (Seth heads towards the door and Summer kind of waves it off and goes back to her box) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan and Sadie are on Ryan's bed making out pretty intensely. Ryan is on top of Sadie and he pulls her leg to his, we're seeing this from behind and then we see a close up of their faces Sadie: I thought you were making me dinner Ryan: an I did Sadie: yeah Ryan: mm-hmm (kisses) Sadie: (shakes head) you didn't let me eat it (smiles) Ryan: well no ones stopping you Sadie: (kisses) really Ryan: mm (kisses) Sadie: ok (sits up) well in that case Ryan: no ooo (gently pushes Sadie back down) no (kisses) Sadie: what Ryan: mm (Ryan stops kissing Sadie and lies next to her) Ryan: so with the ninety day escrow (thinks) that means you'll be in town foooooor Sadie: ninety more days Einstein (smiles) Ryan: right (Sadie laughs) that makes sense Sadie: (rubs Ryan's chest) until you get accepted to whatever college you applied to Ryan: yeah (sits up) (Sadie sits up slowly) Sadie: ok, should I not have mentioned it (looks at Ryan) Ryan: no no its fine (looks at Sadie) your right Sadie: your letter should be arriving like tomorrow right Ryan: yeah Sadie: I'm sorry but I've found ignoring the future never makes it go away Ryan: (nods) well whatever happens we'll make it work (kisses Sadie) (frowns) umm we should eat before the burgers get cold ill-ill grab some water (Ryan leaves and Sadie watches him - the next thing we see is Ryan coming into the kitchen from outside. he sighs and we see the back of Seth standing at the fridge with the door open) Ryan: hi Seth: hey, you want a water Ryan: sure (Seth takes 2 bottled waters out of the fridge and hands one to Ryan) Seth: I was jus (points) coolin myself off (Ryan nods, drinks) all this time I thought gettin inta college...would make everything so much easier (drinks) Ryan: yeah (looks at Seth) not gonna happen Seth: (looks at Ryan, swallows, frowns) there's a cold front comin through (Seth looks away and pulls the fluffy edging down over his eyes. Ryan looks away as well) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Roberts' backyard - Summer is sitting at the table for breakfast and Marissa comes over and sits down, she has a bowl of dry cereal Marissa: pass the milk (Summer holds up a small jug of something white) Marissa: that's cream, I said milk (looks at Summer) (Summer puts the jug of cream down and hands Marissa a taller jug with milk in it) Summer: eating breakfast are we (Marissa pours milk over her cereal) does this mean we're actually going to school today or d'you (frowns) just need the extra strength for all the small children you an Volchok plan to mug (raises eyebrows) Marissa: (fake laughs) hahaha (looks down) (Julie comes out) Julie: big day girls, college letters arriving, are you excited (smiles) Marissa: yeah, delirious Julie: (sits) don't be nervous Marissa your getting inta Berkeley (looks at Marissa) I feel it in my bones Marissa: (stands) I gotta get ta school Julie: oh Marissa, your friend who dropped you off last night (Marissa looks at her) his motorcycle kind of woke up Neil you might want to apologise Marissa: why, incase Dr. Roberts changes his mind (raises eyebrows) about marrying into our trailer park family (thinks) that's not really my problem (leaves) Julie: Marissa, well she's really outdone herself again (Summer looks down) listen Summer how worried do I need to be about her Summer: ...I don't know (looks at Julie) she's not exactly confiding in me right now (Summer and Julie look at each other. Neil comes out) Neil: morning everybody Summer: hi dad Neil: hey sweetheart, feelin lucky (kisses Summers head) Summer: um yes (closes eyes) my aura is green Neil: oh that has'ta be good, where's Marissa Julie: she- Summer: (looks at Julie) went ta school early (looks at Neil) cause she's nervous with all the college letters an stuff Neil: oh Berkeley would be lucky ta have her (Julie smiles) an just think it's just a short motorcycle ride away (Julie raises her eyebrows at Neil. Summer looks at Julie while eating, Julie raises her eyebrows again) CUT TO: Henry Griffin's tennis court - we see Henry hitting tennis balls from an automatic ball server thing. he hits three over the net and then Sandy walks over Sandy: wow that's a hell of a forehand, imagine that connecting with somebody's head Henry: hey Sandy I didn't know you were comin by (holds out hand) Sandy: (points) yeah the gate was unlocked, you should be more conscious'a security Henry: well I'm assuming these are somewhat subtle references to what happened to Matt, hope he's ok Sandy: listen lets just skip to the part where you tell me you had (shakes head) nothin to do with it Henry: is he implying that I did Sandy: Matt hasn't said anything, this is me talking, I want this hospital built more than anything...but if you haven't resigned within forty eight hours (Henry looks at him) I'm gonna do everything in my power to take you down (Henry looks away then down) an I was lying (looks at Henry) your forehand sucks (Sandy leaves and Henry watches him before turning away) CUT TO: Harbor school - in the student lounge a banner is being put up as Taylor looks on. the banner is maroon and black with a picture of a sweatshirt in the middle, the word SWEATSHIRT is in solid yellow with white edging, and then in the right corner is BONFIRE in black with yellow edging. at the top on the right is SCHOOL in a yellowy orange Taylor: I-I- I don't know about that, that just doesn't look right to me (Seth, Summer & Ryan walk up the stairs near where Taylor is) Taylor: (notices) oh you guys, I'm so glad to see you (Seth waves) Summer: oh, hey what's up Taylor: have you spoken to Marissa lately Summer: well if you count pass the milk an don't be so skanky (Ryan and Seth look from Summer to Taylor) Taylor: well I need to talk to her about the college sweatshirt bonfire, oh, you guys are coming right Seth: (Ryan looks at him) is that the thing where all the seniors wear the sweatshirts (Taylor nods) of the colleges there going to, cause that always struck me as incredibly lame Taylor: oh an I need your help passing out these fliers (hands fliers to Summer) Ryan: I gotta get to class (leaves) Seth: I gotta too (follows Ryan) (Summer looks at Seth and Ryan, poor thing) Summer: w- (sighs) Taylor: I know you guys are just making an excuse (holds Summers wrist so she cant follow) to get away from me, its ok it's cute (waves it off) anyway about Marissa Summer: yeah, I wouldn't count on her Taylor: (scoffs) well that's great she's suppose'ta get the food for the party, this is so typical (Summer raises her eyebrows) you know people join social committee they think its all fun an games (takes out cell phone) then who ends up doing the work when someone (dials) decides to go all Last Exit To Brooklyn, hm (looks at Summer) Taylor that's who Summer: no, I think she's just going through something right now Taylor: Seung Ho its Taylor, hi listen how much (while Taylor is talking on the phone Summer looks over and notices Marissa come in. Marissa looks at Summer then looks away. Summer does the same) Taylor: Kimchi can you get me by tomorrow night (leaves and takes Summer with her) you are saving my ass Seung Ho you are really saving my ass (Marissa's cell rings and she looks at who is calling then answers) Marissa: hey, I'm glad you called (we now see Volchok at what I assume is where he lives, its like a loft) Volchok: that's the first time anyone's ever said that (smiles) what's up Marissa: nothing, well college letters are arriving today an my moms been pressuring me about it...an Summer an I are fighting (sighs) so I guess maybe everything Volchok: well um (sits on the couch) some'a the guys are gonna party on the beach tonight, maybe you should come y'know, take the edge off Marissa: (smiles) can you pick me up Volchok: yeah ill be there in a half hour (hangs up) (Marissa hangs up, she raises her eyebrows and looks almost happy!) CUT TO: Johnny's house - we hear a knock and then Ryan walks in. Sadie is folding bath towels on the floor Sadie: hey you Ryan: hey, thought id stop by Sadie: well I'm flattered (smiles) taking time outta your busy day to come see me when you have a very important (Ryan sits) letter waiting for you at home Ryan: (leans forward) can I say I couldn't help myself (kisses Sadie) Sadie: ah-huh (kisses) you know I could probably tell you if you got in Ryan: yeah (raises eyebrows, nods) Sadie: I could, I never mentioned I could read palms Ryan: no, must've slipped your mind (smiles) Sadie: must have (Sadie takes Ryan's hand and sits down next to him on the couch, we see a close up of her running her fingers gently over Ryan's palm) Sadie: well (looks at Ryan) your gonna be rich Ryan: well that's nice to know Sadie: (looks) oh whoops sorry, I read it upside down so flip that Ryan: well, easy come (smiles) Sadie: this is important, it's warning against (looks at Ryan) dark haired beauties who walk into your life Ryan: (raises his eyebrows, looks down) really, what'does it say Sadie: says if your not very very careful (looks at Ryan) they'll steal your heart (Ryan smiles a huge smile at Sadie and then they kiss. Ryan puts the folded towels on the floor and moves closer to Sadie) Ryan: an in all that there's-there's nothin about college Sadie: yeah yeah, you got in (nods) (Ryan has a wide eyed expression and then he closes his eyes as they continue kissing) CUT TO: Roberts' house - Volchok and Marissa ride up on his motorcycle. Marissa gets off and Volchok takes his helmet off, Marissa hands her helmet to Volchok Marissa: alright I just need to grab a jacket Volchok: um, any chance you could get some beer money, I'm a little short Marissa: sure, ill be right back (the next thing we see is Marissa coming down the stairs as she puts her jacket on. she un-tucks her hair from the jacket and goes over to Julies purse sitting on the side. she looks around and then unzips the purse and pulls out a wad of cash. Marissa shoves the money down the side of one of her boots and then zips Julies purse back up, as she does she notices the envelope from Berkeley. she picks it up and looks at it for a few seconds before turning it over and opening it. she pulls out the contents and starts reading, we see a close up of the letter, the parts we can see read Dear Marissa, Congratulations on your acc Of California, Berkeley. Ther Berkeley, anywhere, and you h are now challenged with makin of selecting which major cour pursue. We know that this can we then see Marissa's reaction to the news of her acceptance! she raises her eyebrows and looks pleasantly suprised and slightly relieved. she looks down at the letter for a few seconds and then looks up then back down almost as if she cant believe it, all of a sudden her happiness/confidence disappears and she throws everything in the trash, aww we then hear the door open and close as she leaves CUT TO: Cohen house - the angle of the shot is inside their letter box looking out, we see as Seth opens the door and looks inside, he pulls out the stack of mail and then closes the door. the next thing we see is him come back into the house. he takes off the elastic band and then lifts up Ryan's Berkeley letter and puts it to the bottom of the stack, he looks down at his Brown letter which is now at the top CUT TO: Roberts' house - Summer picks up her Brown envelope and looks at it and then turns it over and opens it. we see a shocked expression from Summer then part of what the letter says like before with Marissa. it reads Dear Summer, I hope you are as pleased to receive this admitted to the 243rd class to enter The Admission has selected from nearly 18, members of the class of 2010, will give class ever. You will be one of 1,440 fre remarkable diversity of strengths and in we believe you can contribute to our ac from the wonderful opportunities that d we then see Summers reaction, she makes a fist and sort of bounces excitedly on the spot Summer: oh my god (laughs, smiles) CUT TO: Cohen house - Ryan comes in the door and grabs the Berkeley envelope from the side. he rips it open and pulls the letter out, we see what it says. it's identical to Marissa's except for Dear Ryan, Ryan: oh my god (smiles) (we then see Seth with his Brown envelope. he sits on his bed and opens the envelope, he starts reading the letter. we then see a close up of part of it, and it reads ission has completed it it is with real regret that ong our acceptances. T sible for the decision as the camera zooms in to emphasise the words real regret. we then see Seth's stunned expression) Seth: oh my god (Seth looks up - downstairs Summer comes in the front door) Summer: (calls) hello (Ryan is in the kitchen with the Berkeley letter) Ryan: (calls) Summer (Summer rushes in excitedly with a smile on her face) Ryan: hey Summer: I got in! (huge smile) Ryan: what! yeeeaaahhh, alright (Ryan excitedly picks Summer up in a hug and spins her around, aww) Ryan: ah congratulations, that's amazing Summer: thanks, did you Ryan: yeah (nods) Summer: really (claps) Ryan: yes Summer: oh congratulations! Ryan: thankyou Summer: where's Cohen Ryan: uhhh I I don't- (Seth comes down the stairs) Seth: hey Ryan: hey Seth: so you guys both got in Ryan: yeah, you (Seth looks from Ryan to Summer) Summer: (worried) oh my god (Ryan looks at Summer, Summer looks at Ryan then Seth) Seth: ...pack your muffler (smiles) we're goin to Brown (a relieved Summer hugs Seth) Ryan: yeah Summer: oooooohhh Seth: (kisses Summers head) mwa Ryan: oh man (touches Seth's shoulder) Seth: yeah yeah that's awesome dude (shakes Seth's hand) Seth: (to Ryan) an I'm proud'a you Summer: sooo happy Ryan: hey hey hey (Ryan hugs Seth and Summer so its a group hug, aww. we see a close up Seth's worried face) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom, next morning - Seth is on the phone in his robe and PJ's, he's pacing while talking Seth: hello, hi, I've been on hold since five in the morning so I- here's my question, is there some sort of possibility that a mistake was made cause I mean mistakes can happen (scratches head) right even at Brown (later) no no I'm not tryin'a be sarcastic at all, let me ask you this is there some sort of appeals process or um (later) next year (raises eyebrows, laughs) lady my girlfriend is is is is g- hello (Seth rubs his neck and hangs up, then screws up his face) Seth: (frustrated) yaaaaahhhhh (later) (frowns) oooohhh CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is in there looking out the window, distracted and Kirsten comes in Kirsten: Sandy Sandy: (looks) oh hey Kirsten: good morning (kisses Sandy) mmm (wraps arms around Sandy's neck) whatever problems your thinking about right now let them go (smiles) our kids got inta college its a big day Sandy: (smiles) oh your right, we did it (raises eyebrows) Kirsten: we did it (smiles) Sandy: we did it (Seth comes in) Seth: I see the self congratulation has begun Kirsten: aah (runs over to Seth) oh, we are (hugs Seth) so proud of you Sandy: a Cohen in the Ivy Leagues, you did the work but I think our genes deserve some'a the credit (hugs Seth) (Seth seems to be uncomfortable with all the attention he's getting) Seth: thanks Sandy: we knew you could do it (rubs Seth's back) Seth: oh hey there's Ryan, he got inta college to (points) give him some hugs Kirsten: congratulations (hugs Ryan) ooh (Ryan smiles) Sandy: our next generation Berkeley man, congratulations (hugs Ryan) Ryan: thankyou (Seth drinks his water) Kirsten: we're so proud, both of you Sandy: an you know what we should have a celebration dinner (Seth raises his eyebrows) tonight, please invite your ladies Ryan: yeah Seth: (frowns) I don't know, you think we're makin too big a deal though (Ryan frowns at him) Kirsten: your fathers right seven thirty Ryan: sure sure (touches Seth's arm) thanks Seth: no more hugging though physical contact freaks me out (Ryan and Seth leave. Kirsten laughs) Kirsten: feeling better Sandy: (raises eyebrows, smiles) yeah (Kirsten kisses Sandy) CUT TO: Roberts' backyard - Julie is leaving a message for Marissa Julie: Marissa I don't know where you were last night or what you think your doing but you call me as soon as you get this, I've had it young lady (Julie hangs up and sighs. Neil comes out holding Marissa's Berkeley letter) Julie: oh, Neil your up, can I get you some coffee Neil: no (sits) Julie: Summer just left, she's so excited about Brown, she wanted to stop by REI on the way to school something about a sub zero sleeping bag (Neil picks up Marissa's Berkeley letter) Marissa must of left super early this morning (sits) I'm worried she didn't get in an maybe is embarrassed to tell me (frowns) Neil: (looks at the Berkeley letter) she got in Julie: excuse me Neil: (holds out Berkeley stuff) I found this in the trash when I got home last night Julie: (looks at letter) oh my god Neil: Julie we both know she didn't spend the night here (Julie looks at him) I don't know what's goin on but we have'ta stop pretending that it's not happening (looks at Julie) (Julie looks at him) you've gotta talk to her (Julie looks down) CUT TO: Volchok's loft - Volchok and Marissa are on a mattress together with the covers over them. Volchok has one of his arms draped on Marissa. Marissa stirs and looks over at Volchok, after a few seconds she sits up and then sits on the edge of the bed while she puts her dress on. we see this first through a red mesh curtain thing which you cant see through very clearly, then it changes to a clearer blue one as she pulls the dress down. as Marissa walks away from the bed Volchok reaches his arm over to where Marissa was and stirs when he realises she's not there. Marissa sits down on the coffee table and puts her socks on Volchok: you late for somethin Marissa: I figured id make an appearance at Harbor, its only fourth period (smiles) Volchok: so what're you doing tomorrow Marissa: my schools having this party thing I have'ta go to, all the seniors wear the sweatshirt to the college they got into, its Volchok: the gayest thing I've ever heard (looks at Marissa) (Marissa looks at him then down) so your really thinkin about going to college Marissa: why, you don't see it (smiles) (Volchok raises his eyebrows and then sits on the edge of the bed) Volchok: so uh me an some'a the guys are going to Baja for the weekend, you know surf, smoke some Mexican green (smiles, looks at Marissa) wanna come (Marissa looks at him) or can't you miss your gay sweatshirt party (Marissa looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan is in the student lounge and Summer goes over to him Summer: hey, Atwood, have you seen Skeletor Ryan: uh no why Summer: well I bought us thermal face masks for Providence an I wanted him to try his on Ryan: oh, well why don't you just bring em to dinner tonight (Summer looks at him, clueless) Sandy an Kirsten the uh celebration thingy (raises eyebrows) I'm sure he meant ta tell you Summer: oh (nods) well yeah, probably Ryan: probably (smiles uncomfortably) Summer: (looks down) um, when you see him will you give him this (Summer yanks Ryan's head down by the front of his hair and then walks off. Ryan screws up his face and then turns around, he notices a foot that looks alot like Seth's. we see someone slouched on the couch reading, with his foot up on the table. Ryan pulls the calculus book down and we see that it is indeed Seth) Ryan: hey man (sits next to Seth) um, Summer was lookin for you (looks at Seth) I uh invited her for tonight Seth: (nods) cool, good Ryan: (nods) everything ok Seth: yeah no I'm just uh, if she sees me she'll dress me like a Timberland Barbie, did you invite Sadie Ryan: iiim going over to her place after school Seth: did you tell her you got inta Berkeley Ryan: no, I don't know it's kinda difficult, you know I mean we haven't really been goin out that long (Seth looks down) but I mean what'do you do when only one'a you is goin ta college Seth: oh (raises eyebrows) man I wish I knew (Ryan and Seth both look as though they are thinking) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Sadie is hanging some of her jewelry on a stand on the counter and Ryan comes in Ryan: hey Sadie: hey, perfect timing, I just finished working (Ryan sits opposite her at the breakfast bar) so (smiles) congratulations (Ryan looks at her) psychic remember (Ryan looks down) an when you didn't call last night Ryan: yeah well uh...yeah (nods) Sadie: (nods, smiles) I'm happy for you Ryan: thankyou (Sadie and Ryan lean towards each other and kiss then sit back down) Sadie: so you wanna mention the elephant in the room or should I Ryan: so I've been thinking uh I don't have'ta go up till August (raises eyebrows) we could have the summer Sadie: mm yeah (shakes head) not so inta relationships with an egg timer on them Ryan: (sighs, goes over to Sadie) Sadie, the last few months Sadie: ok Ryan, pet peeve, having a guy tell me how amazing I am while dumping me, rings (squints) kinda false you know Ryan: I was gonna say, that I've ben happier than I've ever been with anyone I've dated (Sadie looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at her. after a few seconds Sadie stands) Sadie: I'm still in Newport because of you (Ryan looks at her) making jewelry, a very portable business you see where I'm going with this Ryan: ...you would move to Berkeley Sadie: yeah I would...if you want me to (Ryan kisses Sadie. Sadie wraps her arm around Ryan's back) Ryan: yeah I do (Sadie smiles and touches her forehead to Ryan's) CUT TO: Cohen house - Summer comes into the kitchen wearing cats eye glasses and a tweed Brown blazer, she looks quite the academic achiever Summer: hello Mr. an Mrs. Cohen (Sandy and Kirsten look at Summer, suprised) Sandy: well hello Summer Kirsten: (smiles) hi Summer Summer: my dad just dropped me off (Seth comes in) Seth: hey is dinner ready (notices Summer) oh my god Summer: get use to it Cohen cause this is what your gonna be looking at for the next four years Seth: mm-hmm (Ryan and Sadie come in holding hands) Ryan: hey we're not late are we Kirsten: not at all, we're glad your here (Ryan and Sadie look at Summer. Summer smiles oblivious) Sandy: now everybody outside dinner is served (Ryan, Sadie, Summer, Seth, Kirsten and then Sandy head out of the kitchen. the next thing we see they are all sitting at the table in the backyard) Sadie: so Ryan told me that you guys actually went to Berkeley Sandy: yes Seth: please don't have them tell the Halloween story again (Kirsten smiles) Sandy: let's just say we met under unusual circumstances (for those that are curious we can now see a bit of how everyone is sitting, its Kirsten, Sandy, Ryan, Sadie, Summer and then Seth. Sadie and Ryan are holding hands on the table) Kirsten: it's a beautiful place you should try an visit (Sadie looks at Ryan) Ryan: uh well actually Sadie's gonna be comin up to Berkeley with me Sandy: when you go up to look at the school Ryan: no to live Seth: what (Summer looks down) Kirsten: I don't understand, did you apply to Berkeley Sadie: no, no it's just my business (looks at Ryan) can kinda go anywhere an (Ryan nods) Ryan's gonna be up there, so we figured why not (Kirsten looks at Sandy) Sandy: so uh when did you decide this Ryan: this afternoon (smiles) Sadie: (to Ryan) it was my suggestion Ryan: (looks at Sadie) uh no actually I think I asked you (Kirsten and Sandy look at each other. Ryan and Sadie look at everyone. cue the awkward silence. after a few seconds) Summer: well I think its great (Seth looks at her) finding the right person an then deciding to be with them no matter what that's what life's about right (Sadie looks over at Summer appreciatively, Summer smiles at her and then looks at Seth. Seth looks down, Summer looks away) Sadie: you know I'm actually kinda tired Ryan: Sadie Sadie: (stands) I'm gonna go home Kirsten: oh w nnnnn no Sadie: thankyou both very much for dinner Sandy: oh well Ryan: (stands) ill walk you out (Sadie and Ryan head inside. everyone watches, we see close ups of Sandy and Kirsten's worried/stunned faces) CUT TO: Roberts' house - the range rover pulls up out the front and we see that Seth has driven Summer home Summer: ? so quiet tonight is anything wrong Seth: no I'm fine Summer: I still can't believe that Ryan an Sadie are moving to Berkeley together I think that is so romantic Seth: (shakes head) I don't know what Ryan's thinking Summer: (looks at Seth) what're you talking about Seth: well he's eighteen I just think college should come first Summer: well not if you're with the one you think you should be with, like forever be with Seth: yeah well who really knows that at eighteen Summer: I do (Seth doesn't say anything, just keeps looking down) oh my god...you don't Seth: (looks at Summer) Summer, that's not what I m Summer: no you know what, I have'ta go (Summer takes off her seatbelt and quickly gets out of the car, on the verge of tears. Seth looks down sadly) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom, next morning - Marissa is packing clothes into a bag and we hear a knock. Marissa looks over and Julie opens the door Marissa: if your here about the sweatshirt party I'm not going so if you wanna yell, yell Julie: (walks in) actually I was hoping that we could just talk (Marissa looks at her) Marissa I don't know what's going on with you or what I did wrong...although I'm sure we could come up with a few things but...I just cant bear to see you doing this to yourself Marissa: mom, this isn't about you (looks down, shakes head) I just keep tryin'a picture myself at Berkeley an- I can't Julie: that-that just means your scared honey an that's fine (Marissa looks at her then away) look Marissa I've ben in that place before, where you lose faith in yourself (Marissa looks at her) but honey I believe in you an you deserve this Marissa: (looks at Julie, unsure) I don't know mom Julie: Marissa please don't give up on yourself, you have no idea how much I want this for you Marissa: (closes eyes) I-...ill think about it Julie: that's all I want (Julie leaves, on the verge of tears and Marissa looks down) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Seth is buried under the covers an we hear a knock. Seth pulls the covers down off his face and Ryan comes in with 2 coffees Seth: hey (Ryan puts a coffee down on Seth's bedside table) Seth: thanks man Ryan: sure (sits) Seth: (sits up) did you talk ta the parents yet Ryan: you know what in hindsight, breakin the uh Sadie news to em that way probably not a very good plan Seth: well at least my dad didn't have an actual heart attack at the table, so that's a plus Ryan: that's true, anything happen after I left Seth: Summer an I got into a soul crushing fight about Brown Ryan: (screws up face) mm (swallows) I'm sorry have you talked to her Seth: no, but even if I did man an she forgave me its like then what, you know (Ryan frowns, nods) just I don't know it's complicated Ryan: Seth um (sits forward) I gotta ask...did you really get inta Brown Seth: (raises eyebrows) did I get in, Ryan now who's smoking pot, listen'a me (Ryan looks at him) the only class that I've ever gotten less than an A in (Ryan raises his eyebrows) was gym, my essay on the loneliness of being Superman made Mrs. Rushfield cry so you know of course (looks down, shakes head) oooh god how did I not get in (Ryan looks at Seth worriedly, Seth keeps looking away) Ryan: why're you lying about it Seth: (sighs) for Summer Ryan: well don't you think she's gonna notice when your not there first semester Seth: well she said if I didn't get in an she did she wouldn't go to Brown (holds hand out) I'm not gonna let her do that, it's the opportunity of a lifetime Ryan: well I think that's up to her (Seth looks at him) sorry man I think you gotta tell her the truth (Ryan leaves and then we see a close up of Seth's lost face) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: The diner - Sadie is sitting in a booth by herself and Ryan comes in Ryan: hey, sorry I'm late (sits opposite) Sadie: no it's fine, I just got here myself Ryan: (while reading menu) so uhhh Harbors havin this party tonight everyone (looks at Sadie) wears there college sweatshirt (smiles) d'you wanna go Sadie: sure, yeah that'll be fun Ryan: (looks at Sadie) yeah Sadie: (nods) yeah Ryan: an I'm sorry about last night uh, that was not the way it should've happened Sadie: or maybe it was Ryan: what'do you mean Sadie: come on Ryan heat of the moment we decide to go to Berkeley together (Ryan looks at her) maybe we need to think about it Ryan: are you sayin you don't want to anymore Sadie: we should just make sure that we're doing this for the right reasons Ryan: we are (motions with hands) because we wanna stay together (looks at Sadie) (Sadie looks down) right (smiles) Sadie: I guess I just feel like alotta people go to college to find themselves an maybe your one'a those people, you know I wouldn't wanna get in the way'a that Ryan: (looks away then leans closer) I feel more myself with you...than anyone Sadie: ...(raises eyebrows) those are some pretty big words mister (smiles) Ryan: well I am going to Berkeley (Ryan reaches his hand out to Sadie and looks into her eyes, we see a close up of their hands as Sadie puts her on top of his) CUT TO: Korean food place - Taylor and Summer are standing with Seung Ho, there is alot of Korean so I'm not even going to attempt to spell or guess at what they are saying. Seung Ho says something and Taylor replies to him, I can make out the words sweatshirt party in amongst the Korean. Seung Ho says more Korean and I can make out the word Taylor after which is more Korean Taylor: (smiles shyly) Seung Ho you dog (laughs) (Summer frowns and looks from Taylor to Seung Ho) oh let me give you my credit card (Seung Ho smiles and goes into the back. Taylor giggles and notices Summer looking distracted) Taylor: Summer Summer: (looks) hm Taylor: come on, cheer up (rubs Summer shoulder) its gonna be fine, you an Seth will work it out Summer: I know I just don't get it, we had a dream an the dream comes true an then suddenly he's like (frowns) god what a crappy dream (looks at Taylor) I mean who does that Taylor: Summer getting a man is like capturing a wily silver back gorilla (raises eyebrows) in the Ugandan highlands (Summer looks at her then away, frowns then raises her eyebrows) you see nature is telling that gorilla to stay in the wild (looks at Taylor) (points) but both you an I know that that gorilla would be much happier back in the zoo (nods) on a normal feeding schedule (Summer raises her eyebrows) but sometimes he's just gotta roar an beat his chest before he'll let you shoot him with a tranq dart Summer: so what your saying is he's trying to (frowns) exert his gorilla independence(unsure) Taylor: yes (points) that is exactly what I'm saying Summer, now come help me set up the bonfire (to Seung Ho) uh Seung Ho (Taylor speaks more Korean to him, I think I hear party in there. Seung Ho smiles and waves, Taylor waves back as she leaves) Summer: yeah what she said Taylor: oh bye guys (the guys in the back call out to Taylor in Korean) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is in there getting ready for the bonfire and Sandy comes in carrying 2 sweatshirts, he's smiling almost deliriously Sandy: hey (knocks) Ryan: hey Sandy: (walks in) got a sec Ryan: uh yeah, I was just about ta head over to the bonfire (stands) Sandy: I found this in the closet (holds up navy blue sweatshirt) it's a little worn but Ryan: (smiles, takes the sweatshirt) wow, wow that's great thanks Sandy: an Kirsten was wondering if maybe Sadie could use this (holds up yellow sweatshirt) Ryan: (nods, softly) yeah Sandy: (puts sweatshirt down, sighs) sorry about last night (Ryan listens) you know we both think she's a great girl Ryan: she is, she is and uh (screws up face) yeah an I know it seems kinda fast (looks down) but uh (looks at Sandy) I really care about her (sits) Sandy: I'm sure you do (sits) you know its funny just before you sprung your news I was about to tell ya that id spoken to my friend Paul Glass (raises eyebrows) up at Berkeley an he told me that he could probably get you into my old dorm, of course if your living with Sadie you know your gonna have'ta find some off campus housing (Ryan is looking a little overwhelmed) an she's not gonna be part of the meal plan so between food an rent (Ryan looks at him) I think your both gonna have'ta have jobs, y'know Kirsten an I were gonna cover your costs...but now with Sadie in the mix Ryan: (frowns) no no I would never ask that uh (Sandy looks at him) I guess we just haven't had time ta really figure everything out Sandy: no course not, course not (shrugs) how could you (Ryan looks at him then down) it all happened so fast (Ryan looks down again, it seems like the reality of the situation is starting to hit him) Sandy: did I ever tell you how I almost didn't make it to Berkeley (Ryan listens) I was drivin across the country that first summer, I spent the night in this little town a thousand miles from home (shakes head) (Ryan looks at him) an I was terrified (stands) Ryan: (closes eyes) Sandy I'm not doin this with Sadie because I'm scared Sandy: ok (nods) (Sandy leaves and Ryan looks down at Kirsten's old sweatshirt sitting on the bed next to him, he puts his hand on it and then looks away) CUT TO: Volchok's loft - we see Volchok zip up his luggage and then hear Marissa's voice, she's on the phone Marissa: hey Volchok: where are you, I'm ready ta go (we see Marissa sitting in her new room at the Roberts' house) Marissa: I can't go to Baja tonight Volchok: (sits, closes his eyes) alright Marissa: but call me when you get back Volchok: yeah sure whatever (Volchok hangs up and puts the phone down, disappointed. Marissa hangs up and has a "typical" expression, then looks down. Volchok taps his fist on his mouth) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan comes in wearing Sandy's old Berkeley sweatshirt, he sighs and closes the door behind him then slowly walks in Ryan: (calls) Sadie (Sadie comes out) Sadie: Ryan I'm so glad your here I have something huge to tell you Ryan: yeah, so do I (looks down) Sadie: oh ok you wanna go first Ryan: (raises eyebrows) nononono no that's fine, go ahead Sadie: ok so I called the guy who sells my jewelry in the Bay area (Ryan listens) an it turns out he runs an artist co-op in Berkeley (Ryan is clueless as to what that means) so I could live there (Ryan raises his eyebrows) or we could live there (smiles) together, isn't that awesome Ryan: yeah yeah that's amazing Sadie: see I told you I was psychic Ryan: hm Sadie: ok what was your news (Ryan looks down then at Sadie, Sadie looks at him waiting) Ryan: iiii talked to Sandy um (looks at Sadie) he an Kirsten are fine about us Sadie: that's awesome (smiles) Ryan: (nods) mm-hmm (Sadie leans forward and kisses Ryan) Sadie: ok, we're gonna leave? for your party right Ryan: yeah (raises eyebrows) Sadie: hey d'you think it's gonna be weird that I'm not wearing a sweatshirt Ryan: ...no no, y-y you'll be fine Sadie: ok, I'm gonna go grab my purse Ryan: alright (Ryan looks worried. make of it what you will that Ryan didn't offer Sadie Kirsten's sweatshirt when he could of, personally I think it speaks volumes!) CUT TO: Roberts' house - Seth is standing outside of Summers room, he closes his eyes and then after a few seconds knocks, when there's no response he opens the door Seth: Summer (Seth looks around and then goes inside, he notices a huge collage of the two of them on top of her dresser. it has a whole heap of photos of the two of them together as well as the words college life and the Brown insignia, its really awesome. the camera zooms in on a few different sections of it, the last one is a photo of them together in their winter hats. Seth looks at it sadly, aww) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Marissa is sitting on the bed looking lost, we hear a door open and Marissa suddenly snaps out of her daze. through Marissa's open door we see Summer come in and sit on the edge of her bed, she sighs and takes her shoes off. Marissa leans over to look at Summer and Summer notices her Summer: hey Marissa: hey, where have you ben Summer: oh I had to help Taylor set up for the bonfire, that girl can handle a chainsaw (looks down then at Marissa) hey Seth hasn't called has he Marissa: no I don't think so (Summer nods sadly) Marissa: is everything ok with you guys (Marissa gets off her bed and heads towards Summers room) Summer: don't worry about it Marissa: look Summer, I'm sorry about the way I've been acting (Summer looks at her) just give me a chance (Summer looks at Marissa and then closes her eyes and looks down. Marissa looks at her) Summer: ...remember when the boys made us watch that movie about the gay guys on the mountain Marissa: Lord Of The Rings Summer: yeah, an you remember that Gollum guy (squints) how he got evil an more evil (raises eyebrows) (Marissa listens) the closer he got to that firery thing, that's kinda how Seth is about Brown (nods) Marissa: oooh, (reassuringly) hey you guys'll work it out you love each other (Summer turns so that she's sitting more on the bed and facing Marissa, Marissa sits across from her, awww) Summer: thanks (Summer looks down, Marissa settles across from her on the bed and we see them both side on) Summer: so no offence but what has been going on with you Marissa: (closes eyes, looks down) I don't know, I keep trying to get back to the life I remember but I jus, I cant (shrugs) never seems to work Summer: (closes eyes) an you couldn't talk to me about this (Marissa looks down) I've been your best friend since the first grade Marissa: I know (closes her eyes then looks at Summer) I'm sorry Summer: (half smiles, touches Marissa's knee) I forgive you (Marissa smiles, Summer smiles and Marissa touches Summers knee) Summer: but, you have'ta come with me to the sweatshirt party as penance (smiles happily) Marissa: oh, I would (nods) but (shakes head) I don't have a sweatshirt Summer: ooh yeah, what're we gonna do about that (frowns) (Marissa watches as Summer gets off the bed and goes over to a drawer, she opens it and pulls out a gorgeous pink Berkeley sweatshirt with a pink bow thing wrapped around it, aww. Summer holds it up. it's a very girly pink and it has Berkeley in navy blue letters with white edging. Summer sits back down on the bed with it and Marissa looks suprised) Summer: I bought this a few months ago, looks like somebody believed in you (Summer hands Marissa the sweatshirt and Marissa has a huge smile, she makes an aww sound, clearly touched - in the backyard Julie is sitting at the bar with a drink and looking very out of it, Neil goes over) Neil: hey (Julie looks then looks away) (sits) you ok Julie: (holds up hand) please I just- I can't do this right now Neil: do what Julie: (upset) sit here an be tested as wife mother material while I'm worried about my daughters future, I get it ok its not what you expected I failed, fine, but right now I need'a think about Marissa Neil: Julie I'm sorry if I (looks at Julie) if I made you feel like you were being tested I (Julie looks at him) I was wrong (raises eyebrows, shakes head) an you've hardly failed I think Marissa's very lucky to have you for a mom (Julie looks at Neil. Summer and Marissa come out wearing their sweatshirts for the bonfire) Summer: hey (Julie and Neil look) guys we're going to the party (waves) Marissa: (waves) bye mom, bye Dr. Roberts (Julie watches a much happier Marissa leave with Summer, she looks relieved) Neil: what did I tell you (Julie looks at Neil) CUT TO: The sweatshirt party - we see some coloured light lantern things on string and there are some torches stuck in the sand. there are kids everywhere and of course the bonfire, we see flashes of a few different college sweatshirts, it goes CONNECTICUT COLLEGE, TEXAS A&M, USC and BOSTON COLLEGE. then we see Seung Ho and Taylor standing together, Taylor has SORB ONNE on hers and Seung Ho has STANFORD on his. we then see Ryan and Sadie walk up to Summer and Marissa Ryan: hey Marissa: hey Summer: hey guys Ryan: (to Marissa, nods) congratulations Marissa: yeah you too, hi Sadie Sadie: hey (smiles) Summer: um has anyone seen Cohen (frowns) Ryan: uhh (Seth walks up, he's wearing a jacket and not a Brown sweatshirt, for reasons known to no one but Ryan) Seth: did someone say my name Summer: hey (Seth looks at her) (frowns) your not wearing your sweatshirt Seth: uhhh (Taylor comes over) Taylor: (excitedly) you guys are all here, the core four (smiles, touches Ryans back) I need a picture (Ryan looks at Seth) go, go Summer: do you wanna (points) Taylor: (to Sadie) sorry, do you mind Sadie: no, no it's fine (Marissa puts her arm around Summers shoulder. the order goes Summer, Marissa, Seth and Ryan. I think what Summer was getting at before was if Seth wanted to be next to her for the photo, and he obviously didn't, aww) Taylor: everybody say higher earning potential Seth: ah-huh (we see the flash of the camera and then we see the photo still on the screen. its such a nice photo! interestingly they all have their hands in their pockets, even more interestingly Seth and Summer have theirs in their jacket pockets while both Marissa and Ryan have theirs in their pants pockets) Taylor: (giggles) it's so cute Seth: alright (Sadie looks around uncomfortably) Seth: (to Summer) can I talk to you for a minute Summer: yeah (Summer looks at Marissa as she walks away, Marissa looks at her) Sadie: (to Ryan) I'm actually kinda hungry d'you want anything Ryan: no no I'm Taylor: (grabs Sadie's arm) I will show you where the food is (Sadie looks at Ryan helplessly as Taylor drags her away) Taylor: hi I'm Taylor (Sadie looks back) I use'ta be like total enemies with those guys (proudly) but I'm pretty much second circle core now (Ryan and Marissa are standing together, Marissa looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at her) Ryan: I like your sweatshirt Marissa: thanks yours isn't so bad either (Ryan looks at Marissa then looks down, Marissa does the same and then she looks off to the side) Ryan: ...you uh you doin ok (Marissa looks at Ryan, a little suprised. Ryan looks at her) Marissa: (scoffs, pulls on her sweatshirt) well besides this thing choking me (Ryan looks at her) no you know honestly I'm beginning to think all of this is a bad idea (looks at Ryan) Ryan: what's that Marissa: the sweatshirt (shrugs) party Ryan: (nods) you know even though we're not together I'm (Marissa looks at him) I'm here if you ever wanna talk Marissa: thanks (Ryan looks at her, she looks at him) it means alot (Ryan nods and then walks away. Marissa looks cold. we see some more of the other kids, there are 2 guys wearing YALE sweatshirts standing together. Marissa looks around and shrugs, she's by herself still. then we see Taylor, Sadie and Seung Ho standing together) Taylor: so this is my friend Seung Ho (Seung Ho smiles) an this is Sadie uh (Taylor speaks Korean to Seung Ho, I can make out the word Ryan, I assume she's saying Sadie is Ryan's girlfriend. Seung Ho nods and Sadie looks over at Ryan who is talking with 2 guys. Sadie looks as though she's starting to realise what it's going to be like at Berkeley) CUT TO: NB Yacht club - Henry is sitting at the bar by himself and Sandy walks over Sandy: coulda told me your answer on the phone Henry: (looks) well I wanted us to talk Sandy: so your not pulling out, fine, my friends at the DA's office are gonna find whoever attacked Matt an I can promise you there not gonna keep it quiet Henry: look I had nothing to do with what happened to Matt, unfortunately I can't offer you anything but my word Sandy: (shakes head) which doesn't carry alotta weight with me Henry: how bout seven hundred million dollars Sandy: excuse me Henry: with the hospital going up, the cities interested in revitalising the entire area (Sandy listens) parks, affordable housing, restaurants, head of the appropriations committee is a friend of mine, he's asked about your firm Sandy: wow (moves closer) so now your tryin'a bribe me Henry: the face'a this cities changing Sandy, you can be apart of that (Sandy looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: Cohen house - we hear a doorbell and see Matt standing at the front door, Kirsten opens it Kirsten: (shocked) oh my god, what- come inside Matt: no it's alright, Sandy here Kirsten: no no he's out, w- what happened to you Matt: some guys broke inta my apartment, listen tell him I stopped by with a proposal Kirsten: no no Matt wait wait wait (Matt stops) did you call the police (Matt looks at her) they have'ta find out who did this Matt: I know who did it (starts to leave) Kirsten: what're you talking about Matt: (looks at Kirsten) look, I really like Sandy but you just gotta, you gotta get him to quit this (Kirsten looks at him shocked) cause pretty soon it's gonna be too late (Matt leaves and Kirsten looks stunned) CUT TO: The sweatshirt party - Seth is sitting on a chair looking down at the sand and Summer is crouched down next to him Summer: so are you gonna talk or what Seth: yeah...it's just (Summer looks at him) not easy Summer: ...then ill go (Seth looks at her) look I get that your a guy ok an I know you have that whole simian brain thing but (frowns) if we're gonna go to college together next year you cant (Seth looks down) keep freaking out on me all the time Seth: yeah (looks up but not at Summer) Summer that's just it Summer: what is Seth: ...I'm not sure that I wanna (looks at Summer) go to Brown next year Summer: (looks at Seth) what Seth: I've just been thinkin alot about it an I'm not-I'm not exactly sure that Brown is the right choice for me (looks at Summer) for you (raises eyebrows) I still I think it's great Summer: (confused) but we applied to Brown so that we could be together Seth: yeah I know (looks down) I just I guess I changed my mind Summer: so what we just suddenly apply somewhere else Seth: no I think you should still go to Brown (looks at Summer) (Summer looks at him) you should (shrugs) ill just go somewhere else Summer: ...do you really mean this (Seth looks down, Summer looks at him) Seth: ...I'm sorry (shrugs, looks at Summer) I think it's for the best (Summer looks away, hurt. Seth looks at her sadly) Summer: ...(nods) ok, well I guess um if this is how you feel (raises eyebrows) fine (Seth looks at her) (matter of factly) we're over (Summer quickly walks away upset, Seth puts his head down. we now see Sadie sitting on the bottom of the ramp of the lifeguard tower, Ryan walks over) Ryan: hey, been lookin for ya Sadie: yeah Taylor went off with that food guy, I'm pretty sure they were talkin dirty to each other in Korean Ryan: you wanna leave, I know it's kinda hard on you, not knowin anyone Sadie: (sighs) you're a nice guy Ryan...but I'm not coming to Berkeley with you (Ryan sits down next to Sadie and looks at her, then away) Sadie: don't you see this is what it'll be like next year (sighs, looks at Ryan) you'll have this other world an ill constantly be pulling you away from it, you wont get (Ryan looks at her) to experience college the way you should, I'm not gonna do that to you Ryan: come on (looks at Sadie) Sadie: you know I'm right (Ryan looks at her, Sadie looks down, Ryan looks away) Sadie: ...I'm gonna go home (stands) (Ryan stands) I have'ta start packing in the morning Ryan: ill drive you Sadie: I wanna walk (Ryan looks at her) an id rather say goodbye here (Ryan looks at Sadie helplessly, Sadie leans forward and kisses Ryan) Sadie: keep in touch Ryan (smiles) I'm gonna miss you (Ryan and Sadie look at each other and then Sadie walks away. Ryan watches the back of her as she walks down the beach, gradually getting further away) CUT TO: Cohen house - Sandy comes in the front door and Kirsten is waiting for him in the living room with the light off Kirsten: Sandy (Sandy looks over at Kirsten, Kirsten closes her eyes) Sandy: what're you doin sittin in the dark Kirsten: Matt came by Sandy: well what'did he say because you know- Kirsten: just promise me that your gonna quit this thing Sandy: oh honey (shakes head) it's complicated Kirsten: no its not Sandy: well it's about more than just the hospital Kirsten: (goes over to Sandy) do you forget that I worked at that company for fifteen years an I saw what happened to my father Sandy: (shakes head) I'm not gonna become your father, but I can't just quit (Kirsten looks at Sandy helplessly, Sandy looks at her. Kirsten walks passed Sandy and over to the door, Sandy watches as she grabs the car keys and leaves) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer pulls down her collage of her and Seth and looks at it through tears, she rips it in half and then tears it into smaller pieces. she drops the pieces to the floor as she becomes more upset, aww. we see the pieces lying on the floor and then we see Summer put her hands on the back of her neck and look down sadly, we then see Marissa putting her Berkeley sweater away in her room. she puts it in her top drawer and closes it. she turns around and leans against the drawer and then looks over at Summer's half open door, she heads into Summers room and sees that Summer is curled up on her bed in tears. Summer looks over at Marissa and then away again. Marissa lies down next to Summer and after a few seconds she puts her hand on Summers shoulder. Summer becomes more upset, aww CUT TO: Cohen's backyard - we see Seth walking up to the pool house, he walks in and we see Ryan sitting on the edge of his bed looking upset, he has bare feet. Ryan looks over at Seth. Seth stands there next to the bed and then he sits down on the floor, they both lay down at the same time. Ryan onto the bed and Seth onto the floor next to the bed. Ryan spreads his arms out a little and Seth spreads his legs and arms. they both look lost, poor guys - Fade out
doc_192	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] IAN: What the hell? I knew you guys couldn't be complete dorks. CLAY: Complete dorks and officially your agents. NATHAN: You got a bathroom in this place? IAN: There's one in the back of the house passed the kitchen. BROOKE: Julian! CHLOE: I want two people who are gonna love this baby, and that's the reason why I want you guys to be the parents. BROOKE: Well, since we don't know the s*x, I like yellow. Julian likes green. JULIAN: She just changed her mind, Brooke. She held her in her arms, and she just couldn't go through with it. HALEY: Quinn? It's time. NATHAN: It's a girl. QUINN: Yay! HALEY: This is Lydia Bob Scott. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley puts Lydia in her crib. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke arranges the businesses of the baby. KELLERMAN'S HOUSE Nathan, Julian and Clay looks at car which is the garage. NATHAN: Was that the car from the bridge that night? FLASHBACK, GABEL BRIDGE JULIAN: No, stop! Stop! Stop! BROOKE: Julian! JULIAN: No, Brooke! CLAY'S CAR Julian is with Clay. JULIAN: What the hell is wrong with people? How do you just drive away from an accident like that? CLAY: Nate said he found an empty bottle of Phidian's in the front seat. JULIAN: Bourbon? No wonder his son's a douche bag. This guy is an educator, a teacher who talks about ethics in business every day, and he just gets drunk, nearly kills Jamie and my wife, and just drives away. Ugh! Brooke nearly drowned that night, and he just leaves her there and gets away with it. CLAY: Not for long. Hey, by the way, I'm sorry about the baby and the adoption. How's Brooke doing? JULIAN: She's devastated. You know, she's trying, but she's a mess. CLAY: Well, for what it's worth, she didn't die on that bridge. You know, she's alive. You two have each other. And take it from me that's a hell of a lot to have. Kellerman's class is about to start. KELLERMAN'S CLASS The class is starting. August sees Jamie in a seat. AUGUST: Good morning. Take your seats. Stop talking, and let's begin. Well, it seems my class gets younger every day. You must have done exceedingly well on your advanced placement exams. What's your name, son? JAMIE: Jamie Scott. AUGUST: Jamie Scott. Of course. And your father is... JAMIE: Nathan Scott. He's sitting right there. AUGUST: Mr. Scott. Is it because you couldn't afford a sitter, or did you bring your son to match wits with me, like your so-called business partner, who, frankly, looked to be about the same age? NATHAN: Nothing like that. He just wanted to see you again. AUGUST; But I don't believe we've met. NATHAN: You have, briefly. We ran into each other the night of the big storm. Well, actually, you ran into Jamie. You were in your Wagoneer. AUGUST: You're sure it was the night of the storm? NATHAN: Absolutely. You were in your Wagoneer, and you were with your friend, Mr. Phidian. And you were in a hurry, so we really didn't get a chance to talk. AUGUST: Well, we should do that perhaps after class in my office. NATHAN: We know where to find you. Come on, Jamie. We're holding up class. (Nathan and Jamie leave) AUGUST: You know... You won't get another today. Go enjoy it. Class dismissed. STUDENTS: Whoo! ONE TREE HILL - OPEN CREDITS RED BEDRROM RECORDS Quinn sees a microphone and starts to sing "Eye of the tiger". QUINN: "It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight risin' up to the challenge of our rivals and the last-known survivor stalks his prey in the night and he's watching us all in the ey-y-e" (She sees Alex) QUINN: Of the tiger. Hey. CLUB TRIC Millie asks to Mouth to find a new topic for the new show. MOUTH: Drugs -- more specifically, drug stores. MILLICENT: I do a story on drug stores? What's the angle? MOUTH: The angle is how drug stores are the new coffeehouses. Remember when there was a new coffee shop on every block? Well, now it's drug stores. They're everywhere. It's like caffeine used to be the drug of choice, but now people are skipping the coffee and going right for the actual drugs. MILLICENT: They could wash it down with the coffee. What else you got? MOUTH: How 'bout the airlines? We keep bailing them out with more money, and they keep sucking. You could do an expose on the worst airline on the planet. They have those planes that don't ever leave the airport. MILLICENT: I should probably keep it more general than that. MOUTH: Okay, so talk about how the airlines charge for everything now snacks, bags, that ratty scrap of disease they call a blanket. MILLICENT: Not bad. MOUTH: And they lie. They're such liars. They know when your flight's gonna be three hours late, but instead of telling you, they say your flight's on time. Then they change the status every 20 minutes to give you 9 times' worth of false hope, as if that somehow makes it not as bad. Oh, how 'bout when they tell you to turn off your phone for safety reasons? If the safety of the plane could be affected by cellphones, do you really think they'd let you bring them on board? MILLICENT: I never thought of that. MOUTH: In this day and age, considering all their restrictions, we're really gonna trust first-time-flyer Carl back in 14C to turn off his cellphone so we can all land safely? I mean, considering he boarded with the wrong group, reeks of cologne, and laughs out loud at his own jokes, that's the guy we're gonna trust to do the right thing? MILLICENT: You're kind of angry, Marvin McFadden. MOUTH: About flying? Yeah, a little. Some idiot tries to light a bomb with his stinking sweaty feet, and now I got to take my shoes off to walk through the foot rot of a million travelers every time I fly. They should have sentenced that guy to stand near the security check at every major airport, and we should get unlimited kicks. MILLICENT: My baby is cranky. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley tries to deaden Lydia. Jamie comes in. HALEY: Who's a fussy baby? Who's a fussy baby? No, there's no reason to fuss. No, there's no reason to fuss, baby. Oh. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. JAMIE: Mom, Chester's a little upset with you. HALEY: Oh, boy, a baby, and a bunny. Well, the cute factor's high. Why is Chester upset? JAMIE: Well, I kind of told him that Lydia's middle name was Bob after of grandma's cat, and he was a little hurt by it. HALEY: Oh. Gee, I'm sorry. Well, he does have a good point. Lydia Chester Scott -- I don't know. It doesn't quite have the right ring to it, does it? Does it? JAMIE: I guess. But if I ever have a kid...Their middle name's gonna be Chester. HALEY: I suppose that's fair. So, what do you got going on today, kiddo? JAMIE: Not much. Dad's gonna take me to the Rivercourt every day this week as a reward. HALEY: A reward for what? JAMIE: For going to his class and messing with his teacher. HALEY: August Kellerman? JAMIE: Yeah, I think that's him. He has the bulldog, right? HALEY: Yeah, Dogust. JAMIE: I wonder if his son's middle name is Dogust. She's pretty awesome, mom. HALEY: Yeah. I think so, too. RED BEDROOM RECORDS Alex imitates Quinn. ALEX: "It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight rising up to the challenge of our rivals" QUINN: Very funny. By the way, it's "thrill," not "cream." ALEX: Oh, I thought it was "cream." QUINN: Why would it be "cream of the fight"? ALEX: Good point. "Thrill" is better. QUINN: What are you doing here, anyway? ALEX: I was just gonna ask you the same thing. QUINN: Well, Haley asked me to help out for a couple of weeks since Lydia was born, which happens to be very good news for you. ALEX: Why? Because I get free studio time? QUINN: No. How many songs do you have? ALEX: Uh, I don't know. A bunch. QUINN: Good. How would you like to open for Olin & The Moon? ALEX: Oh, my God! Are you kidding me?! Yes, absolutely! QUINN: Perfect. It'll be this weekend. ALEX: This weekend? QUINN: Yeah. ALEX: I'm opening? QUINN: Mm-hmm. ALEX: For Olin & The... who? QUINN: The moon, yes. I hope. ALEX: Wait. No, no, no, no, no. Why you hope so? QUINN: Well, I mean, I have you. I just have to get Olin & The Moon. ALEX: Damn it. QUINN: No. No "damn it." Besides... I know something you don't. KELLERMAN'S OFFICE Nathan has a conversation with August. AUGUST: Whatever you think you know, you've made a mistake. NATHAN: I saw the car in your garage. AUGUST: First of all, my home and my vehicle are my own business. Beyond that, I had an accident. So what? So what? NATHAN: So you nearly killed my son and a good friend. AUGUST: You're wrong. I swerved to miss some deer, and I hit a light pole. NATHAN: You hit a car, Kellerman, on the Gabel Bridge, and then you drove away and left two people drowning in the river when the levee broke. AUGUST: I didn't... NATHAN: You didn't what? You didn't do it, or you don't remember doing it, considering the empty bottle of bourbon I found underneath your front seat? AUGUST: You're making a mistake. NATHAN: Okay. Okay. So, you had an accident the night of the big storm, you smashed the front of your late-model maroon Grand Wagoneer, and then you drove away without anybody seeing. Meanwhile, a different late-model maroon Grand Wagoneer crashed into my son's car on the same night at around the same time, and then also drove away. And the eyewitness is mistaken. AUGUST: I have nothing else to say to you. NATHAN: Well, I have something to say to you. My son was trapped inside that car. He was scared, and he was alone, and you left him there. His godmother nearly died that night in front of his eyes. And you could have helped them, but instead, you slipped into the shadows like a coward. Well, I'm about to shine a light into those shadows because I know what you did, and you know what you did. And this is going to be made right by you or by me. You think about that. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke is sad for she couldn't have the baby. JULIAN: Brooke, it's okay. BROOKE: I know. JULIAN: I don't want you to worry about this stuff. I'm gonna paint the wall, and we're gonna send these things back, and we're gonna be just fine. BROOKE: I know. I'm all right. I can do it. JULIAN: Hey. It's gonna be okay. NALEY'S HOUSE Quinn sings a song for Lydia. QUINN: "Mahna mahna, doo doo-doo doo-doo mahna mahna, doo doo-doo-doo mahna mahna, doo-doo doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo Dee Dee-Dee-Dee Dee-Dee-Dee mahna-mah, mahna mah ma mahna mahna mahna mah mahna mah. » (Haley comes in) QUINN: Hey! HALEY: Okay. Let's take the baby from insane Aunt Quinn. QUINN: Oh, she likes her Aunt Quinn. HALEY: Oh. Come here. Come here, baby. QUINN: Besides, insane Aunt Quinn just booked Olin & The Moon to play Tric this weekend. HALEY: Oh. Get out of here. QUINN: Yeah. HALEY: No, let's get out of here. She needs to sleep. QUINN: Yeah. Yeah. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke and Julian are ready to paint the room. Phone rings. JULIAN: You want it? BROOKE: Depends. Who is it? JULIAN: It's... Clothes Over Bros. BROOKE: Hello? CLUB TRIC Alex joins Chase in the Tric. ALEX: Hello. CHASE: Hey, is that world-famous actress Alex Dupré or world-famous singer Alex Dupré? ALEX: Not world-famous yet, but someday. So, check it out. CHASE: Well, well. How much more handsome do I look? ALEX: Same, which is very. Just thought you might want to see the baby steps. CHASE: Very badass. How we doing on the booze and boys front? ALEX: Well, I don't know how you're doing with booze and boys, considering you gave my job to mouth after he tied a cherry stem with his tongue. But I'm doing quite well, actually. CHASE: You are. You're doing great. I'm proud of you for it. ALEX: Baby steps. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley plays with Lydia. COFFEE BAR Victoria joins Brooke in the coffee. VICTORIA: Hi, honey. BROOKE: Hi. VICTORIA: So, how are you? BROOKE: Clothes Over Bros offered me a job. VICTORIA: Well, it's about time. Let me guess -- the line doesn't work without the talented girl who spins the straw into gold. BROOKE: I suppose. VICTORIA: Vice President? BROOKE: How'd you know? VICTORIA: It's what I would have done. Then they get your taste and your talent, and the higher-ups don't get their egos bruised. How's the money? BROOKE: It's good. Maybe it's better than good. I get all influence creatively, and they still own my apartment in New York. VICTORIA: You'd come back to New York, full time? How does Julian feel about New York? BROOKE: He wants to go. We both do. VICTORIA: I'm sorry about the adoption. BROOKE: Me too. VICTORIA: But if the money is better than good, you'd be crazy not to take it. BROOKE: Do you think so? VICTORIA: It's New York. It's lucrative. It's what you love to do. And it's your baby. RIVERCOURT Nathan and Jamie come to play basketball. JAMIE: So, dad, today, I thought we could play a game with Lydia. NATHAN: Yeah. Then, maybe after, we can work on your left hand. JAMIE: Hey, where'd the baskets go? NATHAN: "Future home of: The River View Condominiums." JAMIE: What does that mean for the Rivercourt? NATHAN: There won't be a Rivercourt. (Nathan calls Mouth) NATHAN(at phone): Hey, Mouth, do you know about the Rivercourt? Yeah, there's a sign up here that says they're turning it into condos something called the River View Condominiums. Yeah. Hey, uh...I'm gonna have to call you back. Okay. See you. August comes in and wants to talks with Nathan. AUGUST: Just the man I wanted to see. JAMIE: I believe I owe you an apology. AUGUST: It's okay. That's gracious of you, Jamie, but it's certainly not okay. Do you mind if I speak to your father for a minute? JAMIE: Well, we can't play anyway. NATHAN: Jamie, why don't you go ahead and wait in the car for a minute, okay? JAMIE: Okay. NATHAN: Thanks, buddy. JAMIE: Hey, Professor Kellerman, can your dog actually ride a skateboard? AUGUST: He can. JAMIE: Cool. AUGUST: I've been "Professor Kellerman" for nearly 30 years. I'm a senior academic with tenure. Do you know what that means? NATHAN: It means they can't fire you. AUGUST: It means they can't fire you without cause, usually stemming from severe misconduct. You mind if we sit? NATHAN: I'd rather stand. AUGUST: I'll sit. Academic tenure is primarily intended to guarantee the right of academic freedom. It protects teachers when they dissent from prevailing opinion, openly disagree with authorities, or spend time on unfashionable topics. It does not, however, allow you to drive drunk and flee the scene of an accident, which is what I did. I was having a dinner in Raleigh, and I-I didn't want to wait out the storm. NATHAN: So you drove home drunk, with an open bottle of Phidian's in the car. AUGUST: And that was wrong. So, as of today, I'm no longer Professor Kellerman. I've resigned my position. And I'll pay for any damages to the vehicle, hospital bills -- all of it. I'd appreciate that the authorities not be involved, but I'll understand if you feel it's necessary. And one more thing. I'm sorry. It's a good system, tenure... Except when teachers fail to use their freedom for the common good. Condos. It's a shame. Parks are important to a community, for families, fathers and sons. It's a shame. CLUB TRIC/NALEY'S HOUSE Haley can see the Tric by the TV. QUINN: Hey-y-y...testing. Testing. Hales? HALEY: Awesome! There you are. QUINN: See, this way, you can be here for the show and be home with Lydia, too. HALEY: That's so cool. Thank you. You look like you're on TV. QUINN: I've always wanted to be on TV. HALEY: Well, sing or dance or entertain me or something. QUINN: Um... "It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight not the cream to the challenge of our rivals and the last-known survivor stalks his prey in the night" (The band come in) HALEY: Quinny, uh... QUINN: "And he's watching us all with the eye". Um... Hey. BAR COFFEE Ian joins Nathan and Clay. IAN: Hey. NATHAN: Hey. CLAY: Thanks for coming. IAN: First off, congrats on the baby. Very strong. Tell her to come and see me in about 17 years. NATHAN: Wow. IAN: Second, uh...I don't know what to say. My dad is, um... Well, as you know, we're not very close, and, um...I just hope that what happened doesn't affect us you know, the three of us. CLAY: We represent you, Ian. We don't represent your father. IAN: Well, I appreciate that. I mean, the truth of the matter is, I feel bad for the old man, but at the same time, I got a showcase coming up. NATHAN: And that's what you should be focused on. That's why we wanted to talk to you today. That workout's a big deal. CLAY: Yeah, there's gonna be some big-time scouts there. Now, you just need to do what you do and just close the rest of it out. NATHAN: It's like you told me that night on the mound he cannot touch you out there. You throw the ball, you strike them out, and that's it. We'll do the rest. IAN: Okay. But before that, we need to get some drinks celebrate that baby. CLAY: What are you guys doing tonight? I'm going to Tric. Olin & The Moon, Alex Dupré. If you guys want to roll through, I can put you on the list. NATHAN: I'm gonna try to make it. It'll probably be a late night, though. IAN: Perfect. I'm gonna get a workout in, and, um, I want to avoid Alex Dupré. I was kind of working that, but she totally blew me off. CLAY: Smart girl. NATHAN: All right, I got to go. Clay, I will see you tonight if you can get in. Ian, why don't you ask Clay why Alex Dupré knows he can see the ocean from his bedroom? I've never asked him. IAN: So? CLAY: Uh... I'm thinking pancakes. NALEY'S HOUSE Brooke has come to see Lydia and talks about her new offer. HALEY: I can't believe they're gonna tear down the Rivercourt. It's gonna be so weird not to have it here.bIt's sad. Like...Reminds me that we're not who we used to be anymore. BROOKE: I got an offer to go to New York. HALEY: What? BROOKE: A job offer to move to New York and design. HALEY: For who? BROOKE: Clothes Over Bros. HALEY: Is that something that you'd consider? BROOKE: Victoria thinks I should. Maybe it's good that the Rivercourt will be gone. When we see it, it just reminds us of what's gone of who we thought we'd be someday. RIVERCOURT Skills, Mouth and Millie discover the new project. SKILLS: "Future home of: River View Condominiums"? Former home of a river view condominiums sign. MOUTH: I can't believe it. We've spent most of our lives out here. SKILLS: Yeah, every night and I mean every night. MOUTH: We called every game here me and...Jimmy. MILLICENT: Maybe there's something we can do find out if it's definitely happening and how soon. SKILLS: A lot of living done right here, bro the end of an era. CLUB TRIC Chase joins Alex in her loge. CHASE: How you doing, devilish? ALEX: I need a drink... And a boy. I need a drink and a boy. CHASE: So much for baby steps. ALEX: Mia was right. I'm not a musician. I'm just an actress pretending to be one. CHASE: No, you're not. I've heard your songs. They're great. And so are you. Don't drink that. ALEX: Fine. Cheers. Mmm. Boy with a booze chaser. Yum. Okay. Quinn introduces Alex. QUINN: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the very beautiful and very talented Alex Dupré. Alex starts to sing. Quinn joins Chase in the bar. QUINN: She's good, huh? CHASE: Yeah. QUINN: And sexy and single. I'm just saying. NALEY'S HOUSE Jamie and Nathan plays with Lydia. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke drinks alcohol to forget her pains. GABEL BRIDGE Julian goes back in the accident place. FLASHBACK, GABEL BRIDGE Jamie and Brooke wedged in the car. JAMIE: What's happening? JULIAN: It's the levee! I got to get you out now! BROOKE: Julian... JULIAN: I can do it. BROOKE: Help him. JULIAN: I can do it. BROOKE: Julian, he's just a boy. JULIAN: I can get you out, Brooke! BROOKE: Julian, save him, and then save me. Please? He's just a boy. Go. CLINN'S HOUSE Clay has fun to play the cow-boys. RIVERCOURT Mouth ans Millie dance and Skills plays basketball around them. CLUB TRIC Alex finishes her song. NALEY'S HOUSE Julian looks at picture of the family. Nathan sees him. NATHAN: Want a beer or something? JULIAN: No, thanks. I'm good. NATHAN: So, Kellerman came to see me yesterday. He admitted that it was him. He resigned his teaching position, and he offered to pay any costs associated with the accident, and he apologized. JULIAN: He apologized?! NATHAN: I'm not defending him, Julian. I just wanted you to know what happened. He said that he was hoping we wouldn't go to the cops, but if we did, he would accept whatever happens. JULIAN: You see, this is what I'm talking about, Nate so now it's on us? So I got to feel guilty if we turn in Kellerman for getting drunk and driving like an idiot? Great! That's on me now. NATHAN: And me. What do you think? JULIAN: I don't know. What do you think? NATHAN: I think Kellerman's life was academia, and he just lost that.But if you want to turn him in, I'm completely fine with that, too. This has nothing to do with Ian or Fortitude. JULIAN: I know that, but I want to talk to him. NATHAN: Ian? JULIAN: August Kellerman. I want to look him in the eye and hear his side of things. NATHAN: I think that's fair. CLUB TRIC Quinn introduces the next group. QUINN: First off, I want to say "hi" to my sister Haley. She's home tonight but, uh, watching on her webcam. So, let's all turn around and say, "hi, Haley!" PUBLIC: Hi, Haley! Hi, Haley! Hi, Haley! Hi, Haley! HALEY(at webcam): Hi! Say "hi," Lydia. Hi! QUINN: Perfect. Now let's give a warm Tric welcome to Olin & The Moon. The group starts to perform and Clay enters in the Tric. QUINN: Hey, there you are! CLAY: Hey. I had trouble getting in. My name wasn't on the list? QUINN: What? CLAY: I'm joking. Baby, you look hot. QUINN: So do you, handsome. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian goes home. JULIAN: We drinking tonight? BROOKE: I'm thinking about it. JULIAN: I got a better idea. This is one of every flavor they had. They didn't have Tequila-flavored. BASEBALL FIELD Ian practices and sees his father. CLUB TRIC The group finishes their song. BASEBALL FIELD Ian talks with his father. IAN: All those games, and now you show up? AUGUST: I've made a lot of mistakes with you...And your mother and in general. I'm sorry for that. IAN: Well, "sorry" doesn't fix anything. AUGUST: They've accepted my resignation. I told them I was done, that my heart wasn't in it anymore. But if the accident goes public, I'll deal with it. Does any of this matter to you that I loved my work? IAN: Then you shouldn't have done it. I miss your mother, more every day, but I'm thankful she's not alive to see this...To see what's become of us. IAN: The scouts are gonna be here, dad. AUGUST: Good luck to you, son. KELLERMAN'S OFFICE Julian is coming to have a conversation face-to-face. JULIAN: My name is Julian Baker. My wife, Brooke, was in the car you hit. AUGUST: I'm sorry for that. JULIAN: And you think that's enough? I watched her lungs fill with water because of what you did. I watched her eyes go dim. AUGUST: I said I was sorry. JULIAN: Well, "sorry" isn't enough. You insensitive jerk, that's my wife you understand? I nearly lost my wife. Nathan nearly lost his son. Do you know what that feels like?! AUGUST: Yes, I do. I've lost both. CLUB TRIC Alex joins Chase at the bar. ALEX: Hey. CHASE: Very nice. Amazing technique and showmanship. ALEX: So you liked it? CHASE: I did. We're talking about that kiss, right? Buy you a root beer? ALEX: I'll buy you one. So, how's that whole "hanging out with the kid" thing going? CHASE: Chuck Skolnick he's a good kid when he's not smarting off or punching me in the stomach, which is most of the time. ALEX: Well, I'm sure he loves hanging out with you. I know I do. CHASE: No, no, no. You don't get to say flirty things after that badass performance up there. Haven't you heard the whole thing about a girl and a guitar? ALEX: I thought it was a guy and a guitar. CHASE: It's both. Trust me. (Cellphone beeps) ALEX: That's you. CHASE: I told Mia you were amazing tonight, and she says congratulations and she told you so. ALEX: Speaking of girls with guitars, you talk to Mia much? CHASE: Sometimes. Just friends. ALEX: Well, tell her I said thanks and hi. CHASE: Yeah? ALEX: Baby steps. Now what? CHASE: Chuck says you're hot. ALEX: Awesome. Cheers. CHASE: Cheers. RIVERCOURT Skills, Mouth and Millie are here. SKILLS: So, Millie, what's your next story gonna be about? MILLICENT: I don't know. Marvin wants me to do an expose on the worst airlines. SKILLS: Oh, that ought to be easy, considering their airplanes don't ever leave the airport. MOUTH: What if you did a piece on the Rivercourt you know, something about the people who grew up here and what it means to the community? MILLICENT: I like it. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley is with Lydia, Quinn joins them. HALEY: Hey. QUINN: So, what did you think? HALEY: We thought you did amazing. QUINN: So did you. KELLERMAN'S HOUSE August takes his staff. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke enters in the baby's room. Julian joins her. JULIAN: Hey. I think you should take that job in New York. BROOKE: Would you be okay with that? JULIAN: I'd be great with that. Are you kidding? I think it'd be good for both of us. Getting out of Tree Hill. What do you think? BROOKE: I think you're right. I think we'd be happy in New York. CLUB TRIC Nathan, Clay and Ian take drink to celebrate Lydia's birth. IAN: So, I guess they accepted his resignation, and he's done. NATHAN: We'll drink to that. IAN: Yeah. So will I. We got to step it up, though. What's the name of that baby girl of yours? NATHAN: I told you -- Lydia. IAN: Mm, Lydia. Let's get a shot to Lydia. What's your poison? CLAY: Oh, not Tequila. IAN: You know what? I got this. Hey, Chase, come here. NATHAN: Here we go. CLAY: All right, changing subjects, it is looking very strong for your showcase. We're expecting at least a dozen teams to send scouts. NATHAN: I'll drink to that, too. CLAY: Yeah. IAN: Yes, you will. Ohh! Gentlemen... Here's to Lydia, here's to my showcase, and here's to me being rich by the time I'm as old as you guys are. NATHAN: Cheers. Uh, hold up. What are we drinking? CHASE: It's bourbon. IAN: It's not just bourbon. It's Phidian's. It's all I drink. FLASHBACK Nathan understand Ian was the person who hit Brooke and Jamie. NATHAN(voice-over): You hit a car, Kellerman, on the Gabel Bridge. AUGUST(voice-over): Whatever you think you know, you've made a mistake. If the accident goes public, I'll deal with it. Good luck to you, son. CLUB TRIC IAN: To me. AUGUST(voice-over): Fathers and sons. It's a shame. End of the episode.
doc_193	Becca: Vernon and I just want to thank you all for coming. Ever since I was a small girl, I've dreamt of this day. Vernon: Me, too. (laughter) Becca: Sure, in my fantasy, it took place at Fraggle Rock. (laughter) I was marrying Johnny Depp. Vernon: Me, too. (laughter) (Becca clears her throat) Becca: But in all seriousness, it is so amazing to be surrounded by so many people who care about us. We really feel... so much love from you guys. And as the Beatles said, "All you need is love." And a Vera Wang dress. (Becca chuckles) (laughter) Vernon and I are looking forward to seeing you at our 50th wedding anniversary. (Becca laughs) (crying): Promised myself I wasn't gonna do this. Uh, Jimmy, are you having a-a good time? Jimmy: Absolutely. Just so glad you invited me. Becca: Really? Jimmy: Of course. Sometimes, well, you just want to witness the beginning of a disaster, so later, when the house is engulfed in flames, you can say, "Yup, I was there when they installed the faulty wiring." Becca: Unbelievable. Jimmy: Just admit it. You only invited me here so you could passive-aggressively rub my nose in your happiness. At least I would have had the decency to rub your nose in it directly. Becca: Oh, yes, your commitment to honesty is so refreshing. It must be so hard being the only one who sees people for what they actually are. Jimmy: It is. It's incredibly hard. Becca: Well, it's also gonna be what keeps you alone, because you are ugly and unpleasant and honestly, Jimmy, you're not the original you think you are. Jimmy: I'm not original? Wow! That is hilarious, coming from such a... No, you're right. This day isn't about me, is it? Becca: What were you gonna say? Jimmy: Forget it. Becca: No, I'm serious. I really want to know what does (in British accent): the brilliant Jimmy Shive-Overly think about me? (Jimmy grunts) Vernon: You talk to her again, and me and my boys will mess you up. Jimmy: Who talks like that? Vernon: I'm serious, Jimmy. Jimmy: Fine, not a problem. Enjoy your sham of a marriage! Vernon: I will! Gretchen: You got another one of those? Jimmy: Pretty expensive. Gretchen: Good job in there. Jimmy: Getting married doesn't remove you from the burden of having to act like a human being. Gretchen: Totally. Those two are doomed. Jimmy: Right? Has any couple ever had a more dishonest start to a marriage? I mean, the balls to have a traditional Catholic ceremony. Gretchen: When she's already had two abortions. Jimmy: And can only orgasm through a*l. (people gasp and mutter) Jimmy: Mr. and Mrs. Cottumaccio. Man: Let's go inside. Jimmy: Old Cottumaccios. (man mutters) You're pretty. Gretchen: Thanks? Jimmy: How do you know her? Gretchen: I'm friends with the sister. Jimmy: Friends with Fat Lindsay? Gretchen: Yeah, me and Fat Lindsay are hella close. Jimmy: So, uh, what you heard about me? Gretchen: Nothing, just that you're the worst. Jimmy: Says the girl who just stole a blender from a wedding. Gretchen: No. Really? Oh, man! I thought it was a food processor. Jimmy: Who's the worst now? Gretchen: Yeah, well... Gretchen: I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm not even attracted to you. Jimmy: What does that have to do with anything? Gretchen: Yeah. ♪ Don't look ahead There's stormy weather... ♪ Jimmy: What? It's L.A. Who doesn't drive? Gretchen: DUI. I occasionally see this movie director guy. Jimmy: Gross. Gretchen: One time, he booty-texted me from some awards show. I was already at the bar, so I drove over to his house, and then he texted me he was going to be late, so I idly drove around his neighborhood... (chuckles): until I kind of sideswiped an off-duty cop. Jimmy: Do you know, I'm glad this is a one-night thing, so we can reveal all this awful sh1t about ourselves. Gretchen (chuckles): Totally. High five. I'll get that. Okay, I like that. Jimmy: All girls do. Gretchen: Don't call me "all girls." Damn it. That's good, too. ♪ Don't look ahead There's stormy weather... ♪ Jimmy: You know, right before Becca broke up with me, I started reading her e-mail. Gretchen: Oh, I've done that. Jimmy: So even though I had warning, when she broke up with me, it kind of... just kind of knocked me out. Even though she's clearly a ridiculous human being, you know? Gretchen: Yeah. Break-ups hurt. I've heard. I don't really do relationships. Jimmy: Me, neither. Anymore. Gretchen: So, what, are you one of those creepy foot guys? Jimmy: No. I have nervous hands, and they have to stay busy. (moaning) Gretchen: Yeah, that's good. Oh, don't stop, you son of a bitch. Oh, yeah... (Jimmy spits) You just spit on it? Jimmy: Yeah. Gretchen: You just spit on my vg1n. Jimmy: So? Gretchen: Don't! Jimmy: Why? Gretchen: Why don't spit on my vg1n? Jimmy: It's saliva. It's gonna get there anyway. Gretchen: Hmm. And that's how I got crabs from my guidance counselor. (Gretchen chuckles) Jimmy (softly): Hey. Gretchen: Hey. Jimmy: Right. Uh, I should get some sleep, so... Gretchen: Right. Good night. Jimmy: Wait. What? Gretchen: Oh, relax. I'm just lazy. I'll sneak out in the morning. Jimmy: No, there are no sleepovers. Gretchen: Oh, too bad. Jimmy: I have sleep apnea. I have to wear a CPAP machine. Gretchen: Don't care. I'm a log. (CPAP machine beeps, whirrs) (Gretchen laughs) You look like Top Gun. Jimmy: Shut up. Gretchen: I'm so glad I'm not gonna remember any of this in the morning. (machine whirrs rhythmically) "Never leave your wingman." (both laugh) Jimmy: So stupid. (Jimmy sighs) Edgar: Good morning. So, I've been thinking about ghosts. Jimmy: Oh, the things that don't exist because there is no soul? Edgar: Mm... Jimmy: What a great use of your time. Edgar: You know my great-grandfather Baldemar on my father's side, right? Jimmy: What? No. How could I possibly know your great...? Edgar: Oh, he was this crazy adventurer guy who owned a ranch in Zihuatanejo, and he sold arms and was a matador. Jimmy: What was his name? Voldemort? Never mind. Edgar: The coolest guy. Because I was thinking, he sounds like he had it all worked out, and maybe if I could learn his secrets, then I could fix my problems. Jimmy: How would meeting your dead relative help you move out of my house? Edgar: No, I'm talking about my real problems. Like, the nightmares and the crying, and how I want to do heroin all the time. So, anyway, what do you think? Jimmy: What do I think about what? Edgar: If I should hold a seance to contact great-grandfather Baldemar. Jimmy: No. Edgar: I think I'm gonna do it. Thanks. Gretchen: Why did you let me sleep so late? I'm famished. Nice place. Edgar: Hi. I'm Edgar. Gretchen: Mmm. Gretchen. This is dynamite. Edgar: Oh, thanks. Gretchen: So, how do you guys know each other? Edgar: Uh, we met in college. Jimmy: No, we didn't. Edgar: Well, he was in college, and I sold weed to college kids. Then he started giving me books to read, 'cause he saw untapped potential in me. Jimmy: I gave you books that I stole from Borders because I didn't have money for weed. Edgar: Semantics. Have you read his book yet? Gretchen: No. Edgar: Sales were flatter than expected, plus he blew all his money on this house. That's why he has to do more magazine work, but you should read it. It's real good. Gretchen: Okay. Jimmy: At least buy your own copy. Gretchen (laughs): Right. So, which one of you is giving me a ride to work? Edgar: I can't drive because I have PTSD and mild to medium battlefield-induced psychosis. Gretchen: Bummer. Jimmy, you're up. Jimmy: My car's at the reception. We took a cab. Gretchen: We did? Damn. Lindsay: I can't believe it. Gretchen: Drive faster. I'm late. Lindsay: You slept with Jimmy. Gretchen: Apparently. Lindsay: Who used to date my sister. Gretchen: Yeah, I know. Lindsay: And on the night of her wedding? Gretchen: Why are you crawling up my ass about this, Lindsay? Lindsay: You know what a jerk he is. I told you all the time how he swallowed her up. She disappeared her life into his and was never the Same. Gretchen: Oh, that's 'cause Becca doesn't have a personality to begin with. Lindsay: Well, that's true. Ugh! Oh, Jimmy's the worst. Did he say anything about me? Gretchen: Nope. Lindsay: You're not gonna see him again, are you? Gretchen: No way. We did have fun, though. (Lindsay groans) Oh, God, I hope he doesn't think it was, like, an actual thing. Lindsay: No kidding. Um, get... Can you be careful where you're putting your makeup, and can you take your feet off the dashboard? This is a lease. Gretchen: Okay. (phone buzzing) Stop the car. Lindsay: What? Gretchen: Stop the car! I'd rather walk than drive in this sterile, suburban, piece of sh1t car with my best friend being shitty and judgmental to me 'cause I had sx with a guy at a wedding. How many guys did you blow at our five-year reunion? Lindsay: Four. Gretchen: Four? You told me three. Lindsay: I might have left out Tor Borgfeldt. Gretchen: Ew! I'm seriously nauseated right now. Lindsay: Oh, God. We used to have so much fun. Gretchen: Yeah, we did. Why'd you have to get married? Lindsay: I know. I'm sorry. Do you like my new haircut? Gretchen: No, you look like Ellen Barkin. If you get your real estate license, I will stab you in the tits. Jimmy: Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. [SCENE_BREAK] Killian: Hi. Jimmy: What? Killian: I just moved in... over there. Jimmy: Of course you did. Killian: Why do you say that? Jimmy: Because the death of any interesting neighborhood is the influx of white procreators. Killian: Oh, that's cool. My nutritionist is gay, too. Jimmy: I'm not gay. I'm English. (Jimmy sighs) Killian: What's that? Jimmy: A royalty check for my book for... $17.43. Do you know, if there was any doubt that the book industry was dead, it is here in my hand. R.I.P., literature. 2000 BC to this moment. Killian: You want to hang out sometime? Jimmy: What? What are you even talking about? I'm an adult. Do you know what that means? It means that I am beset upon at all times by a tsunami of complex thoughts and struggles, unceasingly aware of my own mortality and able to contemplate the futility of everything and yet still rage against the dying of the light. So do you see how monumentally stupid you, a child, asking me "do I want to hang out sometime" is? Killian: My dad designs video games. We get all the new ones early. Jimmy: Come over around 8:00. ♪ As rumor has it still ♪ ♪ I followed the rules ♪ ♪ Of Frank Abagnale ♪ ♪ So catch me if you can ♪ ♪ There ain't people... ♪ Gretchen: What the crap?! Sam: You know I get nervous at these sh1ts. Gretchen: You are paying a guy to take your photograph, and you trash his studio? Sam: You weren't here! Unprofessional as sh1t! A publicist who can't show up at publicity events? Don't even know what I'm paying you for, Gretchen! Gretchen: The label pays me. Sam: You know it all gets charged against my end, bitch! Label is villains. From now on, I'm just gonna drop free mix tapes and Vines of my guinea pigs! Gretchen: You need to apologize to Nestor so he doesn't sue you. Sam: Let him. I'll lawyer the hell up! Gretchen: Nestor is a great photographer. We need him. Sam: Anyone's a good photographer now. Shitstain take amazing Instagrams. Shitstain: No filter. Honey Nutz: Yeah! @Shitstain! Sam: Anyway, bitch, this is your fault. You need to apologize to him for being such a no-showing-up bitch! ♪ Get down, get down ♪ ♪ Get down, get down ♪ ♪ Get down, get down ♪ ♪ Get down, get... ♪ Sam: We're sorry we broke your sh1t. Gretchen: Okay, good. Nestor, we'll talk about restitution? Hey. You okay? Sam: Yeah. Hell were you doing anyway? Gretchen: Nothing worth talking about. Sam: You still need to make it up to us. I'll fire your ass, and it won't mean sh1t to me. Gretchen: Yes, it will. Sam: I'm serious. You owe me, Gretch. Gretchen: Okay, Sam. What do you need? Sam: You need to kiss my quarter-Chickasaw ass! Then you need to get me some cocaine. I'm too famous to get it myself. I'm not playing. You on probation now. Yo! Ooh! Wait now. Hold on! High five. Put her there. She's hot. (door unlocks) Edgar: I got your car towed back here. And look who I found getting out of a cab. Gretchen: Don't worry. I forgot my purse. Not on purpose or anything. Edgar: I'm gonna leave you two alone. Gretchen: He's sweet. It's nice that you let him live here. Jimmy: You know your purse had food in it. It was covered in ants. Who keeps food in their purse? Gretchen: Whoa. What's your problem? Jimmy: Well, I've had a really shitty day. And then I come home to find that my bedroom is a goddamn '50s sci-fi movie. And why would you stay over, huh? That's amateur hour. Gretchen: Here I was worried you were gonna get the wrong idea about last night. So thank you for saving me the speech. Jimmy: You were gonna make a speech? Gretchen: Okay, forget it. Jimmy: Yeah, no kidding. Save your breath. Gretchen: I don't know what planet that you're from, but on my planet, someone like you does not just get... this! Congratulations, you bagged a weakened gazelle. That's right. I'm still stupid-hooked on someone else who is eons further than you in the evolutionary scale in all categories except maybe unearned ego and back fat. What? You so value honesty, you had to chew a bride out on her wedding day in the name of it? Well, why don't you face this giant hunk of truth, Jimmy? There is a fat asterisk next to my name on your skank-ridden little bone list and it reads, "She probably would've gone home with anyone that night!" So thank you! Thank you for my wake-up call, Jimmy Stupid-Three-Names. You are officially my bottom. Hey, you. Ty: Kiddo. What a surprise. Gretchen: I was just in the neighborhood. Ty: Uh, I have an early call time. But... Yeah, come in. Last time you said you were coming over, you never showed. I thought you'd grown sick of me. Gretchen: Nah, you're all right. Ty: You're so beautiful, Gretchen. (hip-hop music playing) Edgar: Hi. Killian: Hi. Edgar: You busy, Jimmy? Jimmy: Yep. Edgar: Well, could you, like, pause it for a second? Jimmy: No. What's wrong with you? Give me the controller. Edgar: No. I've watched you for two years now get girls to come home with you, and they're always gone in the morning. Jimmy: Sorry, I can help it if she refused to leave? Give me my controller. Edgar: No. Jimmy: Fine. (video game character screams) Edgar: I'm sorry I have to do this. Now, I don't mind you being jerky with me because I know you care. Jimmy: What the... No, I don't. Edgar: Yes, you do. Jimmy: You're just an animal living in my house. Edgar: But Gretchen stayed, okay? You say she forced you, but we both know there's not a person on this planet that's ever had a good outcome trying to force you to do anything. She stayed, man. And that means something, whether you want to admit it or not. I'm gonna let you go now. Jimmy: Why would I even listen to you, eh? You're a mental case. You're on, like, a billion medications that all say "Take for batshit craziness." Edgar: I was defending our country. Jimmy: Oh, please. You weren't defending anything except for the business interests of evil men. Edgar: Jimmy, our country is the business interests of evil men. Jimmy: That may be the most intelligent thing you've ever said. Edgar: Thanks. Jimmy: You're still a goddamn lunatic. Edgar: Hey, wait. Come on, man. W-Wait. Where are you doing? Jimmy: To a bar, where I can drink in peace. Come on, Killian. All right, call the police. Edgar: On me? Jimmy: Someone's stolen my car. Edgar: No, Gretchen took it, remember? Jimmy: Gretchen took my... Sorry, Gretchen took my car? Edgar: Yeah. I saw her driving it away earlier. I figured you loaned it to her. Come to think of it, I did think that was kind of weird. Jimmy: She doesn't have a license! Edgar: Huh. She must've stolen your keys from the counter. You got to admit, that's kind of a baller move. (chuckles) Killian: You guys are fun. (grunting) Gretchen: Um, hey. Ty: Yes, Gretchen? Gretchen: Can we just take a little break? Ty (chuckles): Sure. (sighing) Gretchen: So... what's the worst thing you've ever done? Ty: Gretchen, you know ever since lndia I don't dwell on negativity. Gretchen: I set my high school on fire to get out of a math test. (chuckles) Ty: What? Why are you telling me that? That's horrible. Gretchen: Never mind. Kidding. (moans) Ty: Oh, you're a marvel. (pants) Ooh, that's terrific. Yeah. (Gretchen spits) Did you just spit on me? Gretchen: No. Yes. Sorry. Ty (chuckles): Oh, Gretch. Mmm. That's delicious. Gretchen: Do you still have cocaine? (sighs) (snorts) (phone rings) (exhales) (sniffs) Gretchen: Hello? Jimmy: What are you doing? Gretchen: Nothing. Just... (sniffs) reading. Jimmy: Hey, you won't believe this. Someone stole my car. Gretchen: Oh. God, that's... awful. Jimmy: Yeah, I have to file a police report in the morning. Gretchen: I may have borrowed it. Jimmy: I know. Gretchen: Oh. Well, sorry. I told you I'm the worst. Jimmy: Actually, no, you said that I was the worst and that I was lucky to get you. Gretchen: Yeah. About that... Jimmy: No, don't apologize. It was a great speech. It was funny and true and mean. My favorite kind. Gretchen: I set my school on fire to get out of a math test. (Jimmy laughs) Jimmy: That's genius. Oh, and... I... lied to you before. I do have a foot thing. Gretchen: Seriously? Jimmy: Yeah. In fact, I was just trying to find the right clip online to, you know... s-so that I could fall asleep. But... nothing's quite right. Gretchen: Oh. Do you want me to try? Jimmy: What? Gretchen: Shh. Let me think. Jimmy: Come on, this is stupid. Gretchen: Shut up. I have been walking around all day in these new shoes, and they are just so... hot and tight. Jimmy: Oh, yeah? Gretchen: And my socks are so... sweaty. Jimmy: That happens. Gretchen: I think I might just have to take them off. Jimmy: You do that. Hey, you're, uh... very nice for doing this. Gretchen: I am very nice. Jimmy... I'm scared of this sh1t, you know? I don't like it. Jimmy: I don't believe in it anymore, so... Gretchen: So if we both know that it can't work, then there's no harm. Right? Jimmy: Right. What kind of socks? Gretchen: Mmm... knee-high basketball socks. Orange and green stripes. Jimmy: You're amazing. You're 19 types of trouble but... amazing. Gretchen: Yeah, so are you. 19 types. Well, it's late. Did you finish? Jimmy: I think the moment's gone, isn't it? Gretchen: All right. Have a good night. Call me. Jimmy: I will.
doc_194	[Scene: Manor. Dining room. Phoebe, Paige, Jason and Richard are there. They have just finished dinner.] Paige: Okay, this has been really fun, guys, but Phoebe actually brought us here tonight to say something, didn't you, Pheebs? Phoebe: No, no, I-I-I just think that we don't get to see enough of each other, that's all. (She laughs nervously.) Jason: Might be a little longer too, seeing as we're off to Paris in the morning. Paige: Yeah, about that French merger... Phoebe: Oh, Hong Kong, Rome, gay Pa-Ree, it's enough to send a girl's head spinning, you know. Paige: But wasn't there something you really wanted to say about... Richard: Ah, you must have great business karma. Jason: Oh, karma? I don't believe in that stuff. Richard: Not at all? Jason: Well, I mean, you know, if somebody cuts me off on the road, I'd like to think that they're gonna get what's coming to them, if that's what you mean. Richard: That's karma, the great cosmic justice system. You reap what you sow. Paige: Great, fabulous, anyway, Phoebe. (Paige kicks Phoebe under the table.) Phoebe: Ah! Uh, okay, alright. Uh, Jason, there is something that I want to share with you right now, and, uh, that would be... a toast. A toast to your new merger. Paige: Pheebs, could you help me with the cobbler. (Phoebe and Paige leave the room.) Jason: Am I missing something? [Cut to the kitchen. Phoebe and Paige walk in.] Paige: Okay, that was a three course meal, not including the fruit and cheese plate, I gave you a million openings. What do you want? A drum roll? Phoebe: Actually, that's not a bad idea. Paige: You are going with him to France tomorrow. You've been putting this off for too long, you have to tell him you're a witch. Phoebe: I'm just thinking maybe we should wait until we get there to tell him, you know. And then if there's an emergency you can orb us back, okay? Paige: You've probably been caught almost like a million times. You can't keep taking that risk. Phoebe: I know. You know, maybe I should wait until tomorrow until after the big banquet so I don't upset his big day. Paige: I think that you have a big problem with avoiding conflict and one day, missy, it is gonna come back and bite you in the ass. (Richard walks in.) Richard: Hey, he's getting a little antsy in there. Paige: And you, what is it with this whole karma thing? You're supposed to be making it easier for her. (Leo orbs in.) Leo: Piper's under attack, she needs your help fast. Phoebe: Saved by the orb. Great. Keep Jason occupied. (Phoebe and Paige orb out.) [Cut to dining room. Leo walks in holding a pot of coffee and a dish of dessert. Richard walks in behind him.] Jason: Leo? What are you doing here? Leo: Uh, just bringing dessert. You want some? Richard: The girls are just tidying up. [Cut to a tunnel. Piper is there. She blows up a demon and another one appears.] Piper: Crap. (The demon throws a fireball at Piper and she dives out of the way. Phoebe and Paige orb in.) Phoebe: Piper. Piper: About time. (They help her up and Piper blows up the demon.) Phoebe: It wasn't easy to find you in these catacombs. Paige: You were supposed to wait until after dinner so I could help. Piper: Well, I thought I could handle it. Except I must have missed something in the book. Phoebe: I guess so. Piper: Look, every time I hit one, two more show up. (Piper looks around the corner and sees two more demons. She tries to blow them up but they duck and she misses. They throw two fireballs.) Phoebe: Okay, back up. (Phoebe walks around the corner.) Hey, boys! (They throw a fireball each at Phoebe and she channels them straight back at them, vanquishing them. Four more shimmer in. Piper and Paige pull Phoebe back behind the wall.) Piper: Okay, new plan. Blast and then bail. Phoebe: Okay. [Cut to the manor. Kitchen. Jason walks in with Leo and Richard following.] Jason: Hey, Phoebe, what's taking you so long? Wh-Where'd they go? Richard: Uh, must be an emergency or something. Jason: It's always some emergency or some phone call or some marathon pee-break. What's going on? (Piper, Phoebe and Paige orb in, in front of Jason. He faints.) Piper: Oh. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Foyer. Phoebe watches Jason drive away in his car. She closes the door and walks into the living room where Leo is healing Piper's wound on her forehead.] Leo: I'd better go check on Wyatt. (Leo leaves the room.) Phoebe: I've never seen him like that. He looked at me like he had no idea who I was. Paige: He doesn't know you. Not the witch you, anyway. Piper: He's just gonna need some time. Phoebe: Why didn't I just tell him? And no I told you so's. Paige: We all make little mistakes, honey. Phoebe: This was a very big mistake. I can't imagine how he's feeling right now, what he's going through. Paige: The good news is it's out in the open now and, uh, you know, you guys have no more secrets. (Richard walks in.) Richard: Food's away, table's cleared, anything else I can do? Paige: No, thank you. Richard: Hey, I feel awful. I'm sorry about what happened. Phoebe: It's not your fault. Richard: Well, actually, it is. Piper: Why? Did you shove Jason into the kitchen? Richard: No, but my karma did. I'm serious, I'm convinced I'm carrying around the burden of my family's karma. We did so much bad with magic, now magic's doing bad to me, and those I care about. Paige: Now that is completely ridiculous. Richard: The feud has lasted for decades in my family, and so many people were hurt in the crossfire. Somebody's gotta inherit that bad karma, right? Piper: Not really how karma works. Phoebe: You live a double life with your boyfriend, and you pay the price. If anyone's karma made this happen it's mine. Paige: That's true. You had the chance to clean this up tonight and you didn't. Phoebe: See, there's that 'I told you so', huh? Paige: Only to make a point. Phoebe: No, you're right. I've been avoiding conflict my whole life. Richard: And it just happened the night I was here? It's all I'm saying. Piper: Hey, you guys, this mea culpa game is real fun and all but we're not gonna solve anything. Um, there's multiplying swarm demons on the other hand. Paige: That's right, we riled them up, didn't we? Piper: Yeah, and if they attack right now we won't know how to deal with them. So why don't you two hit the book and I'll catch up after I check on Wyatt. Phoebe: Uh, would you guys mind if I sat this one out? I kind of feel like I need to go see Jason. Piper: Well, maybe after we... Paige: No, we can handle it. [Cut to Wyatt's room. Leo lays Wyatt down in his crib. He covers him with a red blanket. Piper walks in.] Piper: Leo, no, no, no. Leo: What? What? What? What is it? (Piper pulls off the red blanket.) Piper: This, this. Leo: What, my grandmother's quilt. Piper: Her red quilt. The colour of anger and violence and all things bad. Leo: Bad? I used that quilt. Piper: Well, you can have it back. Wyatt is now using the powder blue baby blanket. Did you turn off the serenity Mozart CD? Look, we need to bathe Wyatt in goodness and nurture peace and serenity. Happy things. (She plays the Mozart CD on the CD player.) Leo: Piper, don't you think you're overreacting a little bit? Piper: Leo, there's no such thing as overreacting when it comes to the future of our child. Leo: Okay, but aren't the swarm demons the last on the list of threats? Piper: Yes, but... Leo: Okay, and when they're gone, are you gonna stop worrying a little bit, right? Piper: No, because I've sent Chris to suss out if there's any new threats. Leo: Okay, not to press a point but didn't you just have an epiphany about not focusing all your energy on Wyatt? Piper: Yes, well, that was before Chris informed us that our child is going to grow up to be the future of all evil. Besides, it's not all I do. I have the club, I have friends. Leo: Wow. Piper: Look, it's just that Wyatt still comes first. Which is why you're going to take him up the Elders so he's safe while we figure out how to deal with the swarm demons. And while you're there, can you ask them if there's anything they can do to ensure goodness in Wyatt, you know, pull a few strings. Leo: Piper, we don't need any strings pulled. We can protect our son ourselves. Piper: Well, in the future apparently we don't. Okay, so look, there are blue booties in the bag in case it gets cold, so don't be afraid to use them, okay? (Piper leaves the room. Leo picks up Wyatt.) Leo: Don't ask me, she's your mother. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige and Richard are there.] Richard: Look, you and I both know in order to make this work you can't repress yourself. Paige: I'm not. Look, practising magic. Richard: Yeah, but you don't want me to. Paige: Every relationship is gonna have its challenges, right? Look at Phoebe and Jason. Richard: I'm telling you, that was me. Paige: No, that was them not being truthful with each other, and as long as we are, we're gonna be fine. Richard: Fine would be if I could start over with a clean slate. Paige: You just be the wonderful person that you are and it's gonna make up for all the bad things your family ever did. Richard: Not in this life time. I wanna start over. Paige: It's not possible. If it were, everybody would do it. Richard: Okay, everybody's not a powerful witch. Paige: Look, karma is the DNA of the universe. It's what balances everything out. You start screwing with that, you could mess up the entire cosmic order of things. Richard: Maybe you can help me cast a spell. Paige: What part of no shortcuts are you not you getting? There's an aura cleanse, a chakra cleanse, but no karma cleanse. If it were possible to be cleansed, it would be in there. But there's no spell, it can't be done. (Piper walks in.) Piper: Got anything? Paige: Yeah, let's see. (Piper and Paige look at the open book.) They are distant relatives of kazis and vampires, which means they come from a hive. Did you even read this? Piper: I skimmed it. So they were drones that we were killing. Well, no wonder they just kept coming back. It says you have to kill the king to kill the hive which requires a power of three spell. I'll call Phoebe. (She heads for the door.) Paige: Hey, just slow down there, okay? Take it easy. Piper: Okay, you orb out and get Phoebe and I'll start on the potion. Paige: Why don't we just track the leader down. You and I. That way Phoebe and Jason can have a little bit of time alone, yeah? Piper: Well, what if the swarm attacks before... (Paige gives her a look.) Okay, fine. We'll locate the ruler first. Paige: Brilliant idea. (to Richard) Hey, can I orb you anywhere? Richard: No, it's okay. I drove my car here. Paige: Okay. I'll see you soon. (Piper and Paige orb out. Richard walks over to the Book of Shadows and starts flipping through it.) [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Jason's office. Jason is there. Phoebe walks in.] Jason: You stay away. Phoebe: We need to talk. Jason: No, no, I don't wanna talk. You're, this is your... this-this is-is-is so beyond, this is so far beyond my reality, you know. I-I-I I'm just still trying to figure out how-how you could... fifteen months I didn't know. Phoebe: I wanted to tell you. I really did, but I couldn't. And you know now, so can we talk about this please? Jason: Oh, okay, fine, let's talk. Alright, what was this, huh? The Godiva girls. Was that magic? Phoebe: Yeah. Jason: Okay, what about that-that funny looking little cousin of yours, cousin Shamus. What the hell was he? One of the seven dwarves? Phoebe: Uh, no actually, he was a leprechaun. And not really my cousin. Look, Jason, I know how you feel. Jason: How do I feel, Phoebe? Huh? Tell me because I don't know. But you, you always seem to know. So tell me, how's it gonna feel when I crash? 'Cause I-I-I see one coming. Is it gonna feel like when you said 'I love you too'? Because that, that was magic, wasn't it? Phoebe: But I do love you. Jason: I-I-I don't have time for this. Phoebe: I didn't want you to find out like this, believe me. Jason: I, uh, I have to concentrate. I'm speaking in front of a hundred share holders celebrating the, uh, second biggest French media merger of the decade, okay? So, I need to, I need to focus. [Scene: Tunnel. Piper and Phoebe are walking around.] Piper: Hey, you're the one that wanted to look for the swarm king in the first place, remember? Paige: Yeah, that's when I thought it was a hive, not so much a maze. Oh, no. (She spots some footprints.) Is this starting to look familiar? Are we...? Piper: Going around in circles? Paige: Let's just orb home. Piper: Why are you in such a rush to go home all of a sudden? Paige: It's Richard. Anytime he's alone for too long bad things start to happen. (They hear footsteps. Piper gets ready to blow up whoever's about to walk around the corner.) No. (Paige takes her around the corner out of sight.) It only attracts them more, remember? (A dozen swarm demons walk past.) Should we follow them? Piper: Good idea. (They start to follow the swarm demons but more appear behind them.) Now? Paige: Yeah. (Piper blows them up.) [Cut to the manor. Attic. Richard has the Aura Cleanse spell open in the Book of Shadows. He is writing down a spell on a piece of paper. He picks up the paper and grabs a pinch of sand and walks over to some lit candles. He sprinkles the sand on the floor.] Richard: "I call to thee, pure witch's fire, through vortex flow the heavenly mire, cleanse brackish karma of debris, from dark to light sweep history." (A bright light circles Richard.) [Cut to downstairs. Phoebe walks in through the front door.] Phoebe: Hello? Anybody home? (She hangs up her coat. The light disappears from Richard and reappears downstairs, hitting Phoebe. She gets a vision of French soldiers firing at a target. Phoebe is thrown backwards.) Qu'est-ce que c'est? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Foyer. Piper and Paige orb in. They look tired and sore.] Piper: How many did we get? Fifteen or sixteen? (Paige yawns.) Paige: I don't know. I stopped counting at dawn. I'm gonna go crash. Actually, I'm gonna go check on Richard and then go crash. Piper: But wait, we know where the king is now. So we gotta get Phoebe so we can go back and get him. Paige: No. I am taking a hot bath and curling into a nice warm bed. Piper: You know, living at Richard's mansion has made you soft. Paige: Oh, shush. Piper: I'm serious. What if this is the demon that gets to Wyatt? Paige: Well, then it's all the more reason for us to be well-rested, right? (Piper sees a broken vase on the floor.) Piper: What happened here? (Phoebe comes down the stairs wearing very little.) Phoebe: Bonjour! Bonjour! Paige: Bonjour? Piper: What the heck are you wearing? Phoebe: Oh, just a little something to help me win my boyfriend back. Showing a little skin never hurt. Paige: Oh, I'll file that away. Piper: I guess it didn't go so good with Jason last night? Phoebe: No, unfortunately. Je ne sais pas pourquoi. Paige: Since when do you speak freedom fry? Phoebe: I don't know actually, it's kind of weird considering I hate the French. Piper: No you don't. You love everything about France. Phoebe: I do? Oh, then maybe I just hate being dumped. All the more reason to go get him. Piper: Uh, just there's one thing. See, we kind of need the power of three for a vanquish, you know, to save your nephews future and all. Phoebe: Yeah, sorry, I can't. (She heads for the door.) Au revoir. (She leaves.) Piper: Please tell me she didn't... Paige: Cast a spell on herself? I think she did. [Scene: Tunnels. The swarm king and dozens of swarm demons are there.] Swarm King: I can feel their pain. This is where they fought and died. Correct me if I'm wrong but this was your division. Swarm Demon #1: I'm afraid it was. Swarm King: Remember, this is going to hurt me much more than it hurts you. (He vanquishes Swarm Demon #1.) It is time to bring the fight to them! Let the Charmed Ones feel our pain! [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige are there looking at the page the Book of Shadows is open to.] Piper: I'm confused. How does cleansing her aura get Jason back? Paige: No, Phoebe didn't cast the spell, Richard did. Piper: Richard wants Jason back? Paige: No, Richard wants to cleanse his karma. Oh my god, that's what he used the book for. Damn it, I shouldn't have left him alone. Piper: Wait a second, what does this have to do with Phoebe? Paige: Karma is not something you mess with. Especially not magically. Whatever Richard did could have gone wonky and affected her somehow. I mean, there's all this unfinished karma just floating around out there waiting to complete its cycle. Piper: What the hell are you talking about? Paige: I'm talking about Richard screwing with the karma wheel and Phoebe getting smacked down by it. She said it herself, she's been lying to Jason, living a double life, if that doesn't attract bad karma, I don't know what does. Piper: Someone's unfinished bad karma? Paige: Exactly. Except who's? Piper: Well, I'd guess a French hooker by the way she's been acting. Paige: Or worse. Okay, you go get Phoebe, I'll go get Richard. Piper: But what if he's infected too? Paige:Well, I'll save him and then I'll kill him. (Paige leaves the room.) [Scene: Richard's house. Study. Richard is there. Paige storms in.] Paige: Cast any spells lately? Richard: No. Alright, yeah, one. It didn't work though. Paige: How do you know? Richard: Because... Alright, I was cleansing my soul... Paige: Yeah, yeah, skip down to the bottom. What happened when you said the spell, exactly. Richard: Energy and light came down from the ceiling, it surrounded me... Paige: And hit Phoebe. Richard: No, I was there alone. Paige: Oh, yeah, you were alone. Okay, then how do you explain my sister suddenly walking around like she's in the nudie version of La Miz. Richard: I don't know. I don't know why it affected her and not me. Paige: Maybe because your family is surrounded by so much bad karma that there's no room for anybody else's. What were you thinking? Richard: I was thinking about us. Paige: Us? Richard: Yeah. I don't want my past to hurt you. Paige: Richard, I know that you mean well, I really do. And I get that it must be so hard to not practise magic when you can, but you can't... Richard: How can you be with a guy that's got a problem with the very thing you're all about? I have an idea. I have a potion that'll help Phoebe. (He heads for the door.) Paige: Richard. Richard: What? Paige: Stop. Richard: I can't. I did this. I need to fix it. Paige: No, hey. Please. Just no more magic. [Scene: Office. Steve's there. Richard walks in.] Richard: Hey, bro. Steve: Richard. Man, how the hell have you been? (They hug.) Richard: Good, good, you know. Wow, you look good, and you got your hair cut. Steve: Yeah, for court. I'm doing pro bono now. Richard: A do-gooder. Wow, you. Steve: Yeah, I needed a change in my life. So, mum's been worried. No one's heard from you. Staying out of trouble I hope. Richard: Yeah, more or less. Steve: So, uh, you still seeing Paige? Richard: Absolutely. I can't imagine life without her. Steve: It sounds serious. Richard: I hope so. Steve: Well, here, man, take a seat. Richard: Actually, I can't, I gotta go. Listen, I've been going through some of the old potion books just for the hell of it, and I can't find that one dad used to use to banish spirits. Do you know where it is? Steve: I thought be both agreed not to mess with that stuff anymore. Richard: I'm not. Not really. It's hard to explain. Do you know where it is? Steve: Richard. Richard: Look, save the speech. Can you help me or not? Steve: Why? What'd you do? Richard: Nothing. Steve: Are people hurt? Do you need... Richard: Damn it, Steve! Can you help me or not? Please. [Scene: Outside a building. Phoebe is waiting on the sidewalk. Jason pulls up in a limo. He gets out.] Jason: What are you doing here? And what are you wearing? Phoebe: I'm looking for you. (She pulls him closer.) Mon petit choux. Jason: Look, I don't have time for this. (He pulls away.) This is crazy. (She grabs him.) Phoebe: You have every right to be very upset with me, I know I've been a very, very bad girl. Please let me make it up to you. Jason: I don't think so. Phoebe: What do you mean you don't think so? Jason: Hey, take it easy, Phoebe, we'll talk about it later, okay? Right now I'm running late. Phoebe: There's always time for l'amour. (She tries to kiss him.) Jason: Whoa. Uh, listen, this is, I, this merger is very important to me, okay? I need to keep a clear head if that's at all possible. Phoebe: Are you saying you don't want me? Jason: Not right now. Phoebe: Cochon. You pig. Quel est ton probleme? Fils de pute!. Jason: You're crazy. (He walks towards the building.) Phoebe: You think you can just walk away from me? You think I'm crazy? You think this is crazy? Just wait. [Cut to inside. Jason is standing up on a stage talking to a room full of people in suits. There is a table full of food in the centre of the room.] Jason: In the climate of this world economy, diversity is essential. And that is why this merger is essential if we want to grow as a company. Combing resources will allow us to tap into markets that would have otherwise remained beyond our reach. (They applause.) And so today we celebrate a new Franco-American business community, in which bilateral trade is not only encouraged... (The microphone makes a high-pitched noise. The people split in two groups to make a clear path down to the stage. Phoebe is standing near the back and walks down the clearing the people have made. She walks up onto the stage.) What the hell are you doing? Phoebe: You turned on me, you rejected me, and I'd say you'll live to regret it but you won't. Jason: This isn't a game. Phoebe: Viola! Jason: Phoebe, you can't do this. (He takes off his coat and wraps it around Phoebe.) Phoebe: Oh, no? Pourquoi pas?. Watch me. (She pulls away from him and his coat.) Curses on this merger. (The champagne bottles pop and squirt champagne everywhere. The food turns into snails and toads and pigeons. The people scream and run around the room.) Jason: Phoebe, stop this. (He grabs her.) Phoebe: You let go of me! (She pushes him onto the floor.) Jason: Are you trying to ruin me? Phoebe: Oh, that's just the hors d'oeuvre. Wait until you see the entree. It's to die for. (Suddenly everything freezes including Phoebe. Piper walks through the people.) Piper: Leo! (She walks onto the stage.) Leo! Leo! (Leo orbs in.) Leo: Whoa. Piper: Yeah. Leo: Wh-Why is Phoebe frozen? Piper: That's not Phoebe. Leo: What do you mean? Piper: Long story. Let's get out of here. Leo: What about all this? Piper: Later, later. (Leo orbs out with Piper and Phoebe. The room unfreezes.) Jason: Phoebe? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Paige is reading a book. Phoebe sits on a chair.] Piper: Sit down and put this on. (She throws her a blanket.) Phoebe: I'm not finished with my revenge. Piper: Sit or I will freeze. We need to figure out who's karma you got. Phoebe: I'll never tell. Je ne fait pas ca. Paige: Okay, she's French. Bad karma... Napoleon? Piper: Probably not. Leo: Phoebe's not our only problem, that entire auditorium saw her use magic. Piper: Well, we fix Phoebe first and then we take care of the swarm king and if we're still alive after that, we'll worry about it then. (Phoebe sighs.) Maybe you should go check on Wyatt and make sure he's okay. Leo: He's fine. Okay, I'll go check. (Leo orbs out. Piper walks over to the Book of Shadows.) Piper: See if I can piece together a spell to de-karma Phoebe. Paige: Okay, what about, uh, Marie Antoinette, Queen Isabella, the she-wolf of France? Phoebe: Oh, now you insult me. I can't stand France. Piper: Vital clue there? Paige: Okay, let's see. Speaks French, hates the country, more than willing to strip in public... Oh my god, I saw something in here. Famous female spies... Mata Hari. Piper: Wasn't she one of the Bond girls? Paige: No. Look, an exotic stripper in Paris, Dutch born, double agent for Germany during World War I. Says here Mata Hari was convicted by French officials and executed by a firing squad. Piper: Well, no wonder she hates the French. Phoebe: Not half as much as I hate you for keeping me here. I need my freedom, I need my revenge. Piper: What does her karma have to do with Phoebe? Paige: Well, duplicitous, living a double life... Ring any bells? Phoebe: Enough! (Phoebe gets up.) Piper: Where are you going? Phoebe: Au revoir. (She goes in the other room. Piper freezes her. Piper and Paige walk over to Phoebe and unfreeze her.) Piper: Hi. Look, it's two against one and you are not going anywhere. (Two swarm demons appear and throw fireballs at them. Phoebe and Paige dive behind the couch. One of the fireballs hits Piper on her arm. She blows them up.) Why am I always the one getting hit? (Three more swarm demons shimmer in but are facing the wrong way.) Phoebe: Behind you! (The swarm demons turn around and Piper blows up one. Another one shimmers in and throws a fireball, hitting Paige on the arm.) Swarm Demon: Take her! (He points to Phoebe. One of them grabs Phoebe and shimmers out with her. The other two shimmer out.) Paige: Am I crazy or was she trying to save them from us? [Scene: Swarm Demon hive. Two Swarm Demons are holding onto Phoebe.] Swarm King: I didn't tell you to bring her here, I ordered you to kill them. Swarm Demon: The Charmed Ones were all together. We were lucky to grab one and get away. Phoebe: Oh, luck had nothing to do with it, I saved your butts back there. Excuse me, are you in charge here? Swarm King: I am. (Phoebe pulls away from the two Swarm Demons.) Phoebe: Good, because I'd like to get in bed with you. Not literally. Although, there may be time for that later. What I'm saying is, if you'll help me, I'll help you. Swarm King: You think I'm a fool? Saving my drones to gain my favour? I'm not one to fall for tricks. Phoebe: This isn't a trick. Hands off me. The witches have double crossed me. They wanna keep me against my will. Swarm King: So do I. Phoebe: Yeah, let me guess. To lure them here so you can kill all of us? Yeah, see you're not the first demon to try that and fail. They've got good karma. Centuries of it. It's what protects them, us. Swarm King: And what is it that you suggest? Phoebe: Well, I was hoping that you would help me create some bad karma for them by, oh, I don't know, maybe killing an innocent. Swarm King: Who did you have in mind? [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Jason's office. Jason is there. Richard walks in.] Richard: Jason. Jason: What are you doing here? Richard: I'm looking for Phoebe. Have you seen her? Jason: Not since she destroyed my career, no. Listen, uh, I've gotta give a press conference, try to salvage what's left of my reputation. Richard: Don't go, alright? I know how you feel. Jason: Oh, you know how I feel? You know how it feels to have the woman you love lie to you? To turn your one shining moment into chaos, and to strip in front of a packed auditorium. Richard: No. Look, it's not her fault. If you want to blame somebody, blame me. I cast a spell that... Jason: Hold on, you too? Richard: Yeah. Look, there's no time to explain. (He pulls out a potion.) Just, just take this, please. The moment you see Phoebe, throw this at her, she'll be back to normal, I promise. Jason: Wait a second, what is that? Richard: It's a potion. Jason: Get out of here. Richard: Look, I screwed up big time, alright? The only way to fix this is to use this on Phoebe. (He puts the potion in Jason's shirt pocket.) If you love her you'll do it. [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper and Paige are there dabbing each other's wounds.] Paige: Ow! Piper: Well, if you would just hold still. Paige: Fine. There. Done. Piper: Ow. Paige: You know, we wouldn't even be in this mess if it weren't for Phoebe not being able to deal with conflict. Piper: Actually, we wouldn't be in this mess if your boyfriend could handle his magic. (Piper pushes on a band-aid on Paige's wound.) Paige: Ow! You did that on purpose. Piper: Yes, I did. Paige: Maybe we should just focus on how to save Phoebe. Piper: Well, we could storm the hive but then again, she'd probably just help them stop us. Paige: Well, that's just Mata Hari coming through, using whoever she can to exact her revenge. Piper: But against who? The men who put her to death are long gone. And besides, doesn't her real karma eventually lead to her own self destruction anyway? Paige: Well, I think that's why we need to figure out why she's using Phoebe before it's too late, right? Piper: Which brings us back to Mata Hari's revenge. Paige: Okay, she's spent her life pleasing men, only to be betrayed by them at the end... Piper: Oh, no. Paige: What? Piper: What if she wants to return the favour? [Cut to outside The Bay Mirror. Piper and Paige orb in behind a truck. Jason goes over to the limo with reporters chasing him.] Jason: Listen up, folks. I'll answer everything at the press conference. Please, do me a favour and hold your questions until then. (Jason gets in the limo and Phoebe's waiting there.) Phoebe: Hello, Jason. Jason: Phoebe, I've had enough. Phoebe: Shh. (Two swarm demons shimmer in beside him.) I always get my man. Jason: Wait. Hang on a second. (They shimmer out with Jason. Piper and Paige walk over to the limo and look inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Swarm Demon tunnels. Piper and Paige are there.] Paige: I swear this is where we found the king last time. Piper: Well, maybe your orbing was off. Paige: My orbing was not off. They've just moved. Piper: Well, we should be hearing the swarms, so why don't we? Paige: I don't know, 'cause there's like a jillion miles in this stupid maze. They could be anywhere. Piper: We don't even know if Phoebe is here. Paige: Well, it's our best bet. I swear, if she is hurt, I am never going to forgive Richard. Piper: I think Jason's the one we need to worry about right now. [Cut to a cave. Phoebe, Jason and the swarm demons are there.] Phoebe: Such a sweet man, such a horrible way to die. I almost want to cry. Almost. Jason: What are you doing? Please stop this game. Phoebe: Life is a game. The last one standing wins. And that would be me. Jason: I get it, you're trying to teach me a lesson, I get it. Phoebe: No lesson, I just don't like being betrayed. Jason: Well, what about him? Won't he betray you? Phoebe: Goodbye, mon amour. Jason: Phoebe, please, I'm begging you. Phoebe: Oh, don't beg. I stared at my killer right in the eye. So much more dignified way to die. Jason: Richard was right. Phoebe: Who? Swarm King: Enough! Can we please get on with this? Phoebe: Ready? (The swarm demons create fireballs.) Aim. (Jason reaches in his pocket and pulls out a potion. He throws it at Phoebe. Mata Hari leaves her body.) No! (Piper and Paige walk around the corner.) Swarm King: Fire! (Phoebe faces the swarm demons and they throw the fireballs. She channels the fireballs back to them and vanquishes some. The rest dive behind rocks and throws more fireballs. Phoebe and Jason run around the corner.) Phoebe: Oh, thank god, I'm so happy to see you guys. Paige: You're you. Phoebe: Yeah. Piper: Reunion later, slay now. Swarm King: Fire at her! Piper, Phoebe, Paige: "Demon swarm that serves as one, vanquish him from which they come." (The Swarm King is vanquished along with the rest of the swarm demons.) Phoebe: Jason. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Jason: Me too. Piper: I hate to break this up, I really do, but we've gotta go. Paige: How did you get rid of Mata Hari's karma? Jason: Who? Piper: Don't ask. Phoebe: Where'd you get the potion from? Jason: I got it from Richard. He said it would be the only thing that might save you. Paige: Richard. [Scene: Richard's house. Richard opens a door to a room full of potions and ingredients. He walks in and closes the door.] [Scene: Manor. Wyatt's room. Piper, Leo and Wyatt are there. Piper puts Wyatt in his playpen.] Leo: Are you okay? Piper: Oh, yeah, you know, considering I'm the mother of the future leader of all evil. Leo: No you're not. Okay, maybe he won't be now that you took care of the last threat on him. Piper: You know as well as I do that was not the last threat. There'll be others. Leo: And you'll take care of them too. Especially now that we know what can happen. After all, well aware is half there. Piper: Did Phoebe give you that psycho babble? I just don't understand how someone so sweet could possibly turn so bad. Leo: I don't believe he will, despite what Chris says. Or maybe because of it we won't let it. You know, Piper, all parents worry about their kids, it's part of their job description. We just have to have faith. Piper: Yeah, but Wyatt isn't just any kid. Leo: And we're not just any parents either. Piper: Well, at least we know he'll inherit all of our family's good karma, and that should help. Leo: I hope it helps Phoebe too. She still has what happened to Jason's banquet to worry about. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside a Hotel. It's raining. Jason gets out of a limo and the doorman holds an umbrella above him. They walk to the door, under cover. Phoebe runs across the road.] Phoebe: Jason! Jason! Jason: Phoebe? Phoebe: I wanna talk to the press. I wanna tell them everything. Jason: Right. What are you gonna do? Tell them you're a witch? That'll make the headlines. Phoebe: Uh, actually, I didn't think about what I was gonna say them. I just know that I can't let you take the fall for this. I am so sorry about everything. The lies and... Jason: Hey, don't. Remember you saved me. Phoebe: Yeah, but that was after I tried to kill you. Jason: Well, there was that. Phoebe: If I could do it all again, I would tell you the truth. Jason: Give me a break, Phoebe, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna tell me? And besides, I was so wrapped up in my career and dragging you around the world, I never gave you a chance. Phoebe: So, um, what do we do now? Jason: I don't know. Maybe we should just both take some time. They're waiting for me. Phoebe: I wish you'd let me talk to them. Jason: No, no, what you and your sisters do, what I saw you do, it, uh, put some perspective on my work. I wanna protect that. Phoebe: You might lose the merger. Jason: I've lost worst. (They kiss and Phoebe walks away.)
doc_195	[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.] Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives don't mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica aren't amused.) C.H.E.E.S.E: You can say that again Mac. Mac: Well, I couldn't have done it without you buddy. You're a genius. C.H.E.E.S.E: Oh yeah? Well then how come I can't get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00? (They both break into a huge laugh and do that stop-motion thing they had at the end of ChiPs.) Joey: (laughing and turning off the TV) So, what did you guys think? (They all make happy faces as they are unable to express their feelings verbally. Finally, the phone rings and the race to answer it is won by Monica.) Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Hold on please. Joey, it's your mom. (Hands him the phone.) Chandler: It's your mommy. It's your mommy. Ross: Ohhhh... Rachel: That's nice. Joey: (on phone) Mom, so what did you think? (He walks away allowing the gang a chance to figure out what they're gonna say.) Rachel: Well that was umm...Okay. Ross: It wasn't the best. Chandler: That was one of the worse things ever. And not just on TV. Monica: Wh-what are we gonna tell him? Ross: Well, the lighting was okay. Rachel: Ohh no you don't! You got lighting last time, lighting is mine! Monica: And I have costumes. Ross: Oh great! That means I'm stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin' right here! Whoa!" (Phoebe gets up.) Rachel: What are you gonna do Pheebs? Phoebe: I don't know. I don't know. I can't lie to him again. Oh no I-no! I'm just gonna press my breasts up against him. Chandler: And say nothing? Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah that's right. Joey: (hangs up the phone) Wow! Well, my folks really liked it! So what-what did you guys think? (Phoebe smiles, walks up to him, and presses her breasts against him.) It wasn't that good. Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Monica are reading on the couch.] Monica: Phoebe, do you think that your favorite animal says much about you? Phoebe: What? You mean behind my back? Rachel: (entering, excitedly) Oh! Hi you guys, oh my God! You'll never gonna believe what happened to me today! I am sitting in my office and... Joey: (entering from bathrooms excitedly) You guys! You guys! You're not gonna believe what my agent just told me! Rachel: Joey! Kinda in the middle of a story here! Joey: Ooh, sorry. Sorry. You finish, go. Rachel: Okay, so anyway I'm sittin' in my office and guess who walks in. Joey: I'm gonna be on two TV shows! Monica and Phoebe: Oh, that's great!! Rachel: Joey! Joey: Oh, you weren't finished? Rachel: Yeah! Guess who walks into my office is the end of my story. (To Monica and Phoebe) It was Ralph Lauren! (Monica and Phoebe gasp) Ralph Lauren walked into my office! Joey: Uh Rach, if you're gonna start another story, at least let me finish mine. Rachel: It's the same story. Joey: (groans in disgust) Wow, it's really long. Rachel: (ignoring him) Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that he's so happy with my work that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for polo retail. Monica: Still get a discount on wedding dresses? Rachel: Yeah! Monica: I'm so happy for you! Joey: Well, these really are the days of our lives. Monica: What?! Joey: Well, since you ask. They want me back on Days of Our Lives! Phoebe: (gasps) Oh God! Rachel: I got-I get a big pay raise! Phoebe: Oh hey! Joey: I'll be playing Drake Ramoray's twin brother, Stryker! Monica: Oooh! Rachel: I get to hire my own assistant! Monica and Phoebe: Ahhh!! Joey: (jumps up) Well-I got a head rush from standing up too fast right there. [Scene: Rachel's New Office, she's interviewing a potential new assistant, Hilda.] Rachel: (reading the resume) And you were at this job for four years? Hilda: That's right. Rachel: Okay, well this is all very impressive Hilda, um I just have one last question for you. Uh, how did I do? Was this okay? Hilda: What? Rachel: I've never interviewed anyone before. I've actually never had anyone work for me before. Although when I was a kid, we did have a maid, but this is-this isn't the same thing. Hilda: No dear. It's not. Rachel: No. Yeah, and I know that. All right, well thank you so much for coming in, it was nice to meet you. Hilda: Thank you! Good meeting you. Rachel: All right. (Hilda exits) I'm a total pro! (There's a knock on the door and a handsome man enters.) Man: Hello? Rachel: (seeing him) Wow! H-umm! Hi! Yes, uh I'm sorry the models are actually down the hall. Man: Actually, I'm here about the assistant job. Rachel: Really?! (Taking his resume) Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so what's-what is-what's your name? Man: Tag Jones. Rachel: Uh-huh, go on. Tag: That's it. That's my whole name. Rachel: That's your whole name, okay of course it is! Okay, well let's-let's just have a look-see here. (Looking at his resume) Tag: I know I haven't worked in an office before, and I really don't have a lot of experience, but uh... Rachel: Oh come on, what are you talking about? You've got three years painting houses. Two whole summers at T.G.I. Friday's, come on! Tag: It's lame, I know. But I'm a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn... Rachel: Okay, hold on just a second. (She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.) I'm sorry, it's for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please? [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sitting on the couch when some unknown guy comes in and sits in their easy chair.] Chandler: No-no-no-no. (Waves him away as Monica and Phoebe enter whispering to each other.) Hey! (Monica shushes him.) Phoebe: (To Monica) Anyway, I should go. Okay, bye. Monica: (To Chandler) Hey sweetie. Chandler: Hi sweetie. So, what was with all the whispering? Monica: I can't tell you. It's a secret. Chandler: Secret? Married people aren't supposed to have secrets between one another. We have too much love and respect for one another. Monica: Awww. (Kisses him.) But still no. Chandler: No I'm serious, we should tell each other everything. I do not have any secrets from you. Monica: Really? Okay, so why don't you tell me what happened to Ross Junior year at Disneyland? Chandler: Oh no-no, I can't do that. Monica: If you tell me, I'll tell you what Phoebe said. Chandler: Okay. Monica: Okay. Chandler: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, we're on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy. Monica: Oh my God. He threw up? Chandler: No, he visited a little town south of throw up. (Monica laughs hysterically.) So what was Phoebe's secret? Monica: Oh, Nancy Thompson from Phoebe's old massage place is getting fired. Chandler: That's it?! I gave up my Disneyland story for that? Monica: That's right! You lose sucker!! (Pause) Please still marry me. [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.] Rachel: Chandler, you have an assistant right? Chandler: (angrily) Did she call? You-you told her I was sick right? Always tell her I am sick! Rachel: No, I-I just don't know how you decide who to hire. I mean I've got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then there's this guy... Chandler: What about him? Rachel: I love him. He's so pretty I wanna cry! I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do. Phoebe: Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You don't hire an assistant because they're cute, you hire them because they're qualified. Rachel: Uh-huh. No, I hear what you're saying and-and-and that makes a lot of sense but can I just say one more thing? (Takes out his picture.) Look how pretty! Phoebe: Let's see. (Looking at the picture) Oh my God! Oh... But no! No! You can't-you can't hire him, because that-it's not professional. Umm, this is for me (The picture) yes? Thanks. (Puts it in her pocket.) Rachel: Okay you're right. I'll hire Hilda tomorrow. Dumb old perfect for the job Hilda! Chandler: Let me see this guy. (Phoebe hands him the picture.) W-H-Wow! Don't show this to Monica! And don't tell her about the W-H-Wow! [Scene: The Days of Our Lives producer's office, Joey is entering to find Terry there.] Terry: Hey-hey-hey Joey! Joey: Hey Terry! Terry: Good to see you again! Joey: It's been a while, huh? Wow, it's funny these halls look smaller than they used to. Terry: It's a different building. Joey: So! Stryker Ramoray huh? When do you want me to start? Terry: Why don't we start right now! Joey: Okay. Terry: Here are the audition scenes. (Holds out the script.) Joey: (looking between the pages and him) Audition? I thought you were gonna offer me the part. Terry: Why would you think that? Joey: Well, I was Dr. Drake Ramoray, Stryker's twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right? Terry: Everybody has to audition. Joey: Y'know Terry, I-I don't really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, (Pause) with a robot. Terry: I'm sorry Joey that's...that's the way it is. Joey: Well. I guess you think you're pretty special huh? Sittin' up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin' stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well y'know what? (Throws the script away) This is one star who's hoop... This is a star that the hoop-this hoop-I was Dr. Drake Ramoray! [Scene: Rachel's office, she's there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.] Rachel: Hi! Tag. What are you doing here? Tag: I just wanted to come by and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. And I noticed there aren't any plants in your office so I wanted to bring you your first... (Notices her plant) There is a plant in your office. Rachel: Kinda. Tag: Right. So I guess I shouldn't put "good at noticing stuff" on my resume. (Sets the plant down on her desk.) Rachel: Oh-ohh, thank you. Tag: Anyway, I'm guessing you hired somebody. Rachel: Well... Tag: Gotcha. Thanks again for meeting with me. (Starts to leave.) Rachel: But I hired you! Tag: What? Rachel: Yeah! You-you got the job! You're my new assistant! Tag: I am?! Rachel: Yeah! Tag: I can't believe it! Rachel: Me either. Umm, all right, first thing I need you to do is go downstairs and find a women named Hilda and tell her to go home. [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is setting the table for dinner as Chandler enters.] Chandler: Hey. Monica: Hey! Good, you're home! Chandler: Oh it's always nicer to hear than, "Aw crap! You again!" Monica: Hey baby. (Kisses him.) Chandler: Hey. Monica: I made you a surprise. Chandler: Oh yeah? Monica: Yeah, tacos! Ever since you told me that story I've had such a craving for them. Chandler: Did you not understand the story? Ross: (entering) Hey! Chandler: Hey! What's up? Monica: Ross! Ross: Oh, nothin' much. Just trying to figure out what I'm gonna do for dinner. Chandler: Huh. Ross: (notices the table) Hey-Ooh! What's-what's that, dinner stuff? You making dinner? Chandler: No! (The oven dings.) Shhh! Ross: What you got over there? Tacos? Monica: No! No. They're umm... They're just uh...ground beef smileys. (Holding up one of the shells.) Ross: Uhh, those are tacos. Monica: Excuse me Mr. Mexico. Ross: Eh, either way I'll pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still can't eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) What's so funny?! Monica: (trying not to laugh) I'm not laughing. (Ross and Chandler move closer to her and she starts laughing again.) Ross: (To Chandler) You told her! Chandler: Nancy Thompson's getting fired! (Monica slaps him on the shoulder.) Ross: (To Monica) Look, okay-okay I had food poisoning! It's not like I chose to do it! It's not like-It's not like I said, "Umm, what would make this ride more fun?!" Monica: You're right. I mean I'm sorry. Yeah, I shouldn't be laughing. I should be laying down papers for you! (Runs off laughing which gets Chandler laughing.) Ross: (To Chandler) How could you tell her?! Chandler: I had to okay?! We're getting married! Married couples can't keep secrets from one another! Ross: Oh really? Well I-I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City. Chandler: Du-ude! Monica: (running up to Ross) What happened in Atlantic City?! Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar... Chandler: Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude?!" Ross: And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking, Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and you're right, Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with...girls. Monica: (To Chandler) You kissed a guy?!! Oh my God. Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy. Ross: Oh Mon, I laughed so hard... Chandler: Ho-ho, so hard we had to throw out your underwear again? Ross: Whatever dude, you kissed a guy. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is giving Joey a massage as Rachel enters.] Rachel: Hi! Joey: Hey. Phoebe: Hey-Ooh, how's Hilda? Is she working out? Rachel: Ohh, my new assistant is working out, yes. Joey: Was she happy you gave her the job? Rachel: Oh, my-my new assistant was very happy that I hired my new assistant. (The phone rings and Joey answers it.) Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) It's the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next week's script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like they're taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) We're not even shootin' them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E! Phoebe: Sorry. Rachel: I'm sorry Joey. Joey: Why would they do that?! It was a good show right?! (Phoebe and Rachel both pause, look at each other, and go press their breasts against him. Which Joey doesn't mind, of course.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are still giving away all of their secrets.] Chandler: You wanna tell secrets?! Okay! Okay! In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers! Ross: All right! All right! Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won! Chandler: Ross came in fourth and cried! Monica: Oh my God! (Laughing) Ross: Oh, is that funny?! Oh, you-you find that funny?! Well maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets too! Monica: I-I already told him everything! (Threateningly) You shush!! Ross: Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she'd made. Monica: Ross used to stay up every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls! Ross: Monica couldn't tell time 'til she was 13! Monica: It's hard for some people! Chandler: (To Monica) Of course it is. (Mouths to Ross) Wow-whoa! Monica: Chandler one time wore my underwear to work! Chandler: Hey!!! Monica: Ohh, I'm sorry I couldn't think of any more for Ross! Ross: Ohh! Ohh! In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm! Chandler: That was you! Ross: Whatever dude, you kissed a guy. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.] Joey: How could this happen to me?! Yesterday I had two TV shows! Today, I got nothin'! Rachel: Well wait a minute, what happened to Days of Our Lives? Joey: Uh, well they might be a little mad at me over there. Phoebe: What happened? Joey: Well maybe I got a little upset and maybe I told them where they could go. Rachel: Joey, why would you do that? Joey: Because they wanted me to audition! Phoebe: You! An actor?! That's madness! [Scene: Rachel's Outer Office, Tag is sitting at his desk as Rachel walks up. She stops and watches him pick up the phone.] Tag: Rachel Green's office. (Hangs up.) Rachel: Tag? (He turns and looks at her.) Hi, who was that? Tag: (shyly) Nobody. I was just practicing. Rachel: Really? (Giggles.) (Phoebe rounds the corner.) Phoebe: Hi! Tag: Hi! Rachel Green's office. Phoebe: You must be Hilda. Rachel: Yeah, this is Tag. Tag, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, can I see you for a second? (Goes into office.) Tag: Phoebe! That's a great name. Phoebe: Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number. Rachel: (grabbing Phoebe) Okay. We'll be right back. (They go into her office and she closes the door.) Phoebe: So you hired yourself a little treat did ya? Rachel: All right I know, I know how it looks Pheebs, but I'm telling you... Phoebe: But-but you know you cannot get involved with your assistant. Rachel: Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that I've ever done. But I'm telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional. (There's a knock on the door.) Yes? (Kathy enters (Because she's listed in the credits).) Kathy: Hey Rachel! Rachel: Hi! Kathy: Cute assistant! What's his story? Is he... Rachel: Gay? Yeah. (Kathy leaves dejectedly.) [Scene: Terry's office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.] Joey: Hey! Terry. Terry: Joey Tribbiani! I'm surprised your big head could fit through our small halls! (Gets up) I gotta go Joey. Joey: Wait! Terry! Wait-Look-Wait I-I... Look, I'm really sorry about before. I was an idiot thinking I'm too big to audition for you. You gotta give me another chance. Terry: I can't help you Joey. Joey: Wait! Terry! Please! Look, I just lost my other job. Okay? You have no idea how much I need this. Please, help me out, for old times sake. [Cut to a hospital room set on the Days of Our Lives stage. Two nurses are standing next to a bed with a man whose face is completely covered in bandages and reading his chart.] Nurse #1: This poor guy's been in a coma for five years. It's hopeless. Nurse #2: It's not hopeless! Dr. Stryker Ramoray's a miracle worker. Look, here he comes. (Stryker enters, only it's not Joey playing him.) Dr. Stryker Ramoray: Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, it's your brother Stryker. Can you hear me? The Director: And cut! Joey: (jumping up and removing the bandages) I'm back baby! Ha-ha-ha! [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are sitting there and not talking to each other.] Monica: Y'know, in my defense, umm there was no glitter on the macaroni and very little glue. Ross: And in my defense, the cleaning lady came on to me! Chandler: (To Monica) You have no trouble telling time now right? Monica: No! Chandler: Quick! What time is it?! (Holds his watch in front of her face.) Monica: I don't know! Time to kiss a guy maybe?! (Ross laughs.) What are you laughing at Pampers? (He stops laughing and glares at her.) Chandler: Y'know when I said that because we're getting married that we should share everything and not have any secrets? Monica: Yeah? Chandler: Yeah that was stupid. Let's not do that. Monica: Ohh, absolutely. Ross: And! We should keep all the stuff uh, we told each other secret from everybody else. Monica: Yeah, definitely! Ross: Okay, (gets up) if you'll excuse me, I-I'm gonna go hang out with some people who don't know the Space Mountain story. Monica: Then, I'd steer clear of Phoebe. Ross: Man! (Monica mouths, "I'm sorry.") Chandler: Yeah, and not that you would, but I wouldn't hang out with...all the guys in my office. (Ross storms out.) Ending Credits [Scene: Rachel's office, she's looking at a picture of Tag when he knocks and enters.] Rachel: (noticing him) Hi! (Puts the pictures away.) Tag: Do you have a minute? Rachel: Well yeah, sure, what's up? Tag: I got asked out twice today when I was at lunch...by guys. Rachel: Oh really?! Tag: Yeah. Did you tell someone that I was gay? Rachel: Oh, did you not want people to know that? Tag: But I'm not gay. And I especially wouldn't want you to think I was gay. Rachel: Why's that? Tag: I don't think I should say. Rachel: Ohh, you can say. Come on, I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things. (Motions for him to sit down.) Tag: Okay. Rachel: 'Kay. Tag: Well... Rachel: Yeah. Tag: I'd love to ask out your friend Phoebe. Rachel: (Pause) Yeah, she's gay.
doc_196	[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper is there talking on the phone while holding a crying Chris. Wyatt is sitting in a highchair.] Piper: Yeah, I get that, Rex, but I need you at the club. You're supposed to be there. Valentine's Day is gonna be a very busy night. Can't you ask her to marry you another night? (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Get off that phone. Piper: You know what, I'll handle it. Good luck. (Piper hangs up.) I hope she says no. Phoebe: Take a look at this. This is the new face of evil. (She shows Piper a newspaper.) His name is John Normand. He owns the phone company, and he's been stealing from us for months. Doesn't that just make you angry? Piper: Not really. Phoebe: Wait, he's been stealing from us, and he's probably gonna get away with it due to some loophole or something. (Piper puts Chris down on the change table.) Piper: Phoebe, I'm a little more worried about the actual demons in the world, you know, the ones we almost got rid of. Phoebe: Yeah, there's nothing we can do about them. We tried to save the world, it didn't work. The demons are gonna attack when they're gonna attack. Piper: And when they do, we're just gonna be right back to the same old... (Piper takes off Chris' diaper.) Wow! Phoebe: Whoa! You're not kidding. Wow! Piper: Okeydokey. (Piper puts a new diaper on Chris.) Speaking of which, could you do me a favour and watch the boys tonight? I need Leo to help me set up at P3, and apparently my manager is busy proposing. Phoebe: Yeah, sure, of course. It's not like anyone's proposing to me, or like anyone's sending me flowers or reciting me poetry. So much for the little girl I saw in my vision. Piper: Well, Phoebe, just because the Avatars are gone doesn't mean that you won't still find love. Phoebe: Easy for you to say. You have Leo. Piper: Yeah, but do I really? It's only a matter of time before the Elders punish him for becoming an Avatar, which they practically drove him to anyway with Gideon and everything. Phoebe: They made Kyle a Whitelighter, and that's good, right? Piper: Yeah, but it took him away from Paige. And believe me, they got their cosmic jollies off that one. Phoebe: Where is Paige? Piper: At Magic School, where else? Why? Phoebe: Just worried about her, that's all. [Scene: Magic School. Paige and Miss Donovan are there.] Paige: It really is another great application. Miss Donovan: A muse? No, no, no, no. You can't hire her as the next literature professor. She'll inspire them to write novels instead of reading them. Paige: Oh, that's a good point. I hadn't thought of that. Miss Donovan: Well, I did. And that's why you should hire me. Paige: What? You want to be a teacher? Miss Donovan: Well, isn't it time I moved up? Besides, I had a great rapport with the last literature professor. Paige: You hated that little gnome, arguing with him five minutes before he was killed. Miss Donovan: Well, that was our way. Besides, if the truth were told, he'd want me to have the job. I'm very well-read. Paige: It takes more than that, though. It takes being able to really connect with the students. Miss Donovan: I can do that. In fact, I've got some tricks you don't even know about. (Miss Donovan suddenly disappears and she sits up on the couch near by.) Paige: Did you astral project? Miss Donovan: Mrs. Winterbourne taught me before she went on sabbatical. Don't worry, I'll get used to it. Trust me. I am the best candidate for this job. (The hear a motorbike.) Paige: What the hell... (A guy on a motorbike suddenly appears and he skids across the floor and slams into a table.) Drake: That's gonna leave a mark. Sorry about the table. Paige: Are you okay? (He turns off the motorbike.) Miss Donovan: Who are you? Drake: I'm the new teacher. Opening Credits [Scene: Magic School. Continued from before.] Miss Donovan: You ride in here and nearly kill us, and now you want to teach here? Drake: If I wanted to teach parallel parking, you might have a point, but I'm here for literature. Miss Donovan: And what do you know about literature? Drake: Plenty. (He clicks his fingers and a sheet of paper appears in his hand.) My resume. (He hands it to Paige.) Paige: Drake. Huh. Well, maybe you should have sent this in so you didn't waste your time. Drake: Oh, I never waste my time. For life is but a walking shadow, the poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale... Miss Donovan: Tale told... Drake: Take it, sister. Miss Donovan: By an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying... Drake: Nothing. Paige: You two are not gonna make this easy for me. Drake: Come on, what are you talking about? No contest. It's right there on the resume. I studied at Juilliard, performed on Broadway, and I was penning a memoir that I intend to finish on my deathbed. Miss Donovan: Oh, I look forward to reading that. Drake: Well, thank you very much. Paige: Why aren't any of these credits more than a year long? Drake: Simple really. Before that I was a demon. Miss Donovan: What? A demon? Drake: Was a demon. Now human. Paige: Okay, and how exactly did that happen? Drake: Personally, I hate exposition, but if... All right. Fifty weeks ago I made a deal, the Sorcerer made me human. Paige: Just like that? Drake: There were a few minor stipulations. First of all, I get to keep my powers, and if I use them in any offensive manner, he gets them, and I burn for all eternity. Miss Donovan: What are you waiting for? Vanquish him! Drake: Vanq... Lady. Vanquish. I just want a chance to make up for my demon days. If you don't believe me, research me, look into my history. I've got almost nothing to hide. Miss Donovan: We'll see about that. Paige: Miss Donovan, where are you going? Miss Donovan: To prove that he's dangerous. (Miss Donovan leaves the room.) Drake: If that is safety, then I am dangerous. Boy, is she gonna be sorry when I get the job. Paige: Not so fast, Mr. Pompadour Motorcycle Guy. I don't know what to make of you. Drake: Why don't we consult the Book of Shadows? Want a ride? [Scene: P3. Piper and Leo are there. Piper slaps a cardboard heart onto the wall.] Piper: Okay, next. Leo: That one's ripped. Piper: So? The crowd will be too. Actually, this is taking far too long. Where's my staple gun? Leo: Staple gun? Since when do you staple decorations? Don't you want everything to be perfect? Piper: What's the point? It's all gonna be torn down tomorrow anyway. Leo: The point is not to worry about what's gonna happen tomorrow. The point is to stop and enjoy Valentine's Day. Piper: Well, some people can't forget. Some people would rather see the rips and the flaws so that they're not totally devastated when they're all torn down suddenly tomorrow. Leo: We're not talking about decorations anymore, are we? Piper: Look, Leo, I'm sorry, but I can't just stand here and pretend like everything is not falling apart again. We both know the Elders are not gonna be easy on you. Leo: When you change the world, you gotta expect consequences. Piper: Says who? The Elders brought this on themselves. It's just as much their fault as it is ours, maybe even more so. Leo: Well, I'm the one that chose to become an Avatar. I betrayed them. Piper: Because they drove you to it, with Gideon, what he did to Chris and what he tried to do to Wyatt. Leo: I don't think they'll see it that way. Piper: You need to make them see it that way, or else this may be the last Valentine's Day we spend together. [Scene: Underworld. Cave. A Sorcerer and a bounty hunter are there.] Sorcerer: Your leads are worthless, bounty hunter! Bounty Hunter: I'm not the one who lost Drake in the first place. That was you, Sorcerer. Sorcerer: Well, I never dreamt I'd need to keep tabs on him. By now, I thought he would have used his powers for sure. Bounty Hunter: And yet he hasn't. Sorcerer: He's stronger than I thought, which is why you must find him so I can force him to give in to temptation. Bounty Hunter: But we are running out of time. Sorcerer: In more ways than one, Mr. Rathbone. Zankou is moving in to take over the Underworld. If I expect to stop him and to seize the throne for myself, I must have Drake's powers! I'll double the bounty, but find him. (Three demons walk in. Two of the demons are holding onto Miss Donovan and she is struggling to get away.) Demon: Sir, excuse me, sir. We have a new lead. Bounty Hunter: A woman? You call that a lead? Demon: We caught her in the Underworld asking about Drake. She may know where he is. Sorcerer: Ah, is that so? Miss Donovan: I don't know anything. Let me go! (The Sorcerer holds up a knife.) Sorcerer: Think harder, my dear. [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe, Wyatt and Chris are there. Phoebe is on the phone.] Phoebe: No, you can not put me on hold again. When are you gonna send me a refund for my phone bill? What do you mean, never? Look, this is... You know what? Forget it. I have call waiting anyway, which you're probably overcharging me for, right? (She presses a button.) Hello? Darryl: Hey, Phoebe, it's Darryl. Phoebe: Darryl, shouldn't you be out arresting that thief John Normand? Did you read the paper today? It says that... Darryl: We got bigger things to worry about. Sheridan's back. Phoebe: What? Oh, no. Any more good news? Darryl: Your friend Brody came to visit me last night and told me that he brought her out of the coma. Didn't you say he died? Phoebe: Yeah, well, I never said it stuck. He became a Whitelighter. Darryl: The point is he did some mumbo jumbo on her where she doesn't remember anything that happened. Phoebe: Well, does she remember us? Darryl: I don't know yet. He told me to tell her that they went on some undercover mission and that he died and she wound up in a coma. Just how long do you expect her to buy that? Phoebe: I don't know. But as long as we don't trigger her memory, we should be fine. Darryl: What do you mean, trigger? Phoebe: Her memory could come back is she's reminded of us. You have to keep her away from us. Paige's Voice: Phoebe, I need you upstairs. Phoebe: Okay. Coming! Darryl, I'm sorry, I gotta go. You'll have to deal with this like the rest of us. (Phoebe hangs up.) [Cut to the Police Station.] Darryl: Phoebe... (Darryl turns around and Sheridan is standing there.) Sheridan: Phoebe. Do I know her? Darryl: I don't know. Do you? [Cut to the Manor. Attic. Paige is there with Drake. She is flipping through the Book of Shadows.] Drake: See? Right there. You have nothing to fear. Paige: What are you talking about? It says that you have the power to fire a thermal blast that can knock out ten demons at a time. Drake: Yeah, but I told you. If I use them, then the Sorcerer gets them, and that would be bad. It also says that I can be vanquished by the Power of Three. Hello. See? Right there. (He touches the Book.) What? Paige: You touched it. Drake: What? Paige: You touched the Book. Drake: Oh my god, so I did. I guess that means I'm good. (He touches the Book again.) Paige: Stop it. Maybe it does, and maybe it doesn't. The Book has been tricked before. So have we. Just recently, as a matter of fact. Drake: All right, then, that explains it. So what did this mistake cost you? A colleague? A friend? A lover? Paige: Actually, all of the above. Drake: No wonder you're so indecisive. Paige: I'm not indecisive. You think I'm indecisive? Drake: Paige, making mistakes is what makes us human. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Hey, sorry. I put the boys down for a nap. Who are you? Drake: Hi. Phoebe: Hi. Paige: Drake, Phoebe. Phoebe, Drake. Yeah. He's an ex-demon. Phoebe: What? Excuse me? Drake: I thought you guys had lots of experience with demons who were human. You married one, didn't you? Phoebe: Yes, and divorced. How did you know that? Drake: Gossip around the office cauldron. Anyway, the point is, girls, you don't know what it's like to be judged simply by the way you were born. (He clicks his fingers and suddenly he's wearing a French costume.) (in French accent) Look well at me and tell me with what hope this vile protuberance can inspire my heart? (Phoebe laughs.) Paige: He's very dramatic. Phoebe: I see that. I don't know why Cyrano's here but he should probably leave because we have our own problems. Drake: But, my dear Roxanne, feel'st thou my soul, here? Phoebe: You know, then again, I don't have a date for Valentine's Day. He's kinda hot. Paige: He's hot until you figure out how many people he's killed. Drake: Wait a minute. I never killed anyone. (He clicks his fingers and returns to his normal clothes.) Except demons. Killed plenty of them. Phoebe: Join the club. It sucks, doesn't it? Paige: You're telling me in your whole demonic career, you have not killed one innocent? Drake: That's because since the day I was hatched, I've been reading books, and they taught me about feelings, human feelings, love, sadness, death. Since then I could never harm an innocent. I always found a way around doing that. Paige: (to Phoebe) What do you think? Phoebe: I kind of believe him. You? Paige: I don't know. I'm gonna ask Piper. Drake: Come on, Paige, tell her I'm the right man for the job. Phoebe: Job? What job? Paige: Fill her in. I'll be back. (Paige orbs out.) Drake: So you like Gene Kelly movies? Phoebe: Love 'em. Why? [Scene: On top of Golden Gate Bridge. Leo is waiting there. Two Elders orb in.] Leo: Thanks for coming. Sandra: Of course. After all that's happened, it's the least we could do. Kheel: Oh, please, don't apologise. If anything, we've been far too lenient with him. Leo: Lenient? You tried to kill me. Kheel: You left us no choice. Leo: Funny, I feel the same way. Sandra: Gentlemen, neither side is without blame. Perhaps we could put the past behind us. Kheel: And we will... once he's done the penance for his betrayal. Leo: That's why I brought you here. I should be able to defend myself before you issue judgment. Kheel: Really? And what would you say? Leo: That what I did was for my family. I was trying to create a better world for them, for all of us. Kheel: Too bad you failed. Sandra: Perhaps it would be best if Leo and I spoke alone, if you don't mind. (Kheel orbs out.) It hasn't been easy arguing on your behalf. Leo: Thanks for trying. Sandra: One word of advice, Leo. Stay out of magical affairs. Or you just might make things even worse for yourself. [Scene: Manor. Parlor. Drake is there dancing. Phoebe walks down the stairs.] Phoebe: Wow, let me get this straight. You do musical theatre as well? Drake: Oh, I'm full of surprises. (He clicks his fingers and Phoebe is suddenly dressed in a white dress and black vest.) Phoebe: What's this? Drake: Another surprise. (He takes her hands and they start dancing.) Happy Valentines Day. Phoebe: And to you. (They lean in to kiss but Piper and Paige walk in and interrupts them.) Piper: Get your paws off of her! Drake: So much for romance. Phoebe: Piper. (Phoebe giggles.) We were just having fun. You know, fun. Piper: With the demon? Phoebe, how many times have I told you not to play dress up with the demons. Paige: I'm sure it's harmless. Drake: Incidentally, Piper, I am an ex-demon. Piper: Look, buddy, we're not gonna let a demon or an ex-demon teach at Magic School. It's ridiculous. Paige: Maybe you're right. Drake, I'm really sorry. It's just not a real feasible thing for you to do. It could cause too many problems. Drake: Oh, no, you're making a terrible mistake. As an ex-demon, I can get through to these kids, I can keep them from going down the path of evil. Phoebe, talk to them, make them see reason. Phoebe: I can't. Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it just... it's not really practical. I'm sorry. Drake: This is all wrong. The problem here isn't me. It's you three. You're shaken by the core by what's happened with the Avatars. (to Paige) You, you just lost faith in yourself, (to Phoebe) and you, you've been disheartened by the fight. (to Piper) And you, sweetheart, are just plain mean. (Piper laughs.) Piper: Watch it. (Paige giggles.) Drake: You're mean because you closed down your heart. You're petrified it's gonna get broken again, aren't you? You know, there's only one man I know who can solve all of these problems. (He clicks his fingers and Piper and Paige are suddenly dressed in leather, Phoebe is dressed in a white gown with long red hair, and Drake is dressed as Robin Hood.) Well, come on, Robin Hood. Paige: You, I'm gonna hire you just so I can fire you. Piper: Do we look merry to you? Drake: Well, perhaps you should see the world as Robin Hood would have. He believed in himself, also loved the thrill of the fight. And despite the threat of imminent death, he found love with his dear Maid Marian. (He kisses Phoebe's hand.) Phoebe: That's very sweet. Isn't that... You should probably change us back. Drake: Very well. (Drake clicks his fingers and they change back to their normal clothes.) Piper: Kitchen, now, let's go. (The girls head for the kitchen.) Phoebe: (to Drake) You just give me one second. (The Sorcerer shimmers in behind Drake.) Drake: I thought they'd never leave. [Cut to the kitchen.] Phoebe: Vanquish him? Are you sure? Piper: Well, if he doesn't leave, we don't have a choice. Phoebe: But his heart is in the right place. [Cut back to the parlor.] Sorcerer: Now, let's see those powers, demon. [Cut to the kitchen.] Paige: On the other hand, he still has his demonic powers. Piper: Hi, waffle much? (They hear a crash from the other room.) [Cut to the parlor. Drake falls to the floor. The Sorcerer is standing over him with his arms outstretched. Drake is glowing red.] Sorcerer: "Darkness within cannot be undone. Embrace your true self." (Piper, Phoebe and Paige run in.) Piper: Here we go again. (Piper tries to blow him up and he flies across the room and hits the wall.) Sorcerer: Damn it! (He shimmers out.) Phoebe: Drake. Are you okay? (She runs over to him.) Drake: Drake? Who's Drake? I'm Robin... of Locksley. Paige: Of course you are. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Dining Room. Drake jumps around the corner wielding a bow and arrow.] Drake: Stand and deliver! (He aims for an apple but the arrow misses and hits a pillow.) Excellent. (He reaches for another arrow. Piper walks in.) John will be no match for me. Piper: Robin, you missed. And if you put a hole in my wall, you'll have me to answer to, not some prince. Drake: My apologies, my good woman, but my aim must be true if I am to right John's wrongs. Piper: Right. Just be careful. (Piper walks into the conservatory where Phoebe and Paige are sitting at a table. Phoebe is flipping through the Book of Shadows.) Please tell me you found a way to fix Robin in there. Phoebe: Not yet. Can't you just freeze him? Piper: Nope. Not freezing. Paige: I'm sorry, you guys. Another big mistake bringing him here. Phoebe: No, it's just our lives. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Paige: Yeah, but I don't understand why it went wrong. Why does the Sorcerer want to turn Drake into Robin Hood, of all things? Piper: I don't think he meant to. I think he meant to bring out Drake's inner demon so he could use his powers. But then I blasted him mid-spell, so instead we got his inner Robin Hood. Drake: Royal hound! (He shoots another arrow and it smashes a vase of flowers.) Sorry, my fault. Paige: Another mistake for the Charmed Ones. Piper: It was an accident. Paige: Either way, we messed up. Phoebe: Okay. I found a vanquishing potion for the Sorcerer, but of course, there's no way to find him. Paige: How is finding the Sorcerer even gonna fix Drake anyway? Piper: Actually, I think it will because, if we vanquish the Sorcerer, then it should reverse his magic. Drake: Saxon dog! Paige: Okay, well, I'll go to the Magic School, and I'll ask Miss Donovan to look through things and see if she can find something that helps us find the Sorcerer. Phoebe: Or you could just do it yourself. Paige: Yeah, well, I don't know the archives that well. And, knowing me, I'd probably mess up. (Paige orbs out.) Phoebe: What are we gonna do with her? Piper: We'll fix her later. Right now, we need to deal with him. (They hear a crash and Drake slides along the dining room table. He picks up a sheet of paper.) Phoebe: What is he doing with my phone bill? (They rush over to him.) Drake: Marian, these taxes are outrageous. Prince John has gone too far. Phoebe: Okay, I'm not Marian, I'm Phoebe, remember? And give me that! (She snatches the phone bill off him.) Piper: Prince John has been dead for centuries. He's not taxing anyone anymore. Phoebe: Yeah. The phone company is owned by a different John, and he's, well, a really swell guy. Drake: Nonsense. The evidence of his misdeeds is right there on the parchment. (He points to the newspaper.) Piper: You left that out? Phoebe: Who knew? Drake: I think it's high time I paid John a visit. My steed! (He clicks his fingers and a motorbike appears.) Horsepower. Piper: What kind of Robin Hood rides a motorcycle? Phoebe: Forget that. What are we gonna do? We can't just let him go out there. Especially not with Sheridan back. Piper: Sheridan's back? Phoebe: Did I forget to mention that? Piper: Go with him. Phoebe: What? Piper: You're the Marian person. Go with him. Phoebe: Robin, wait. (Phoebe sits on the bike behind Drake.) Here we go. (He hands her his bow.) Oh, okay. Piper: Helmets please, people. (Helmets suddenly appear on their heads.) Drake: Hold on, milady. (The front doors fly open and they ride out of the manor.) [Cut to outside a building. Drake and Phoebe pull up on the motorbike.] Phoebe: Okay, well, no Prince John here. We should probably go home, huh? Drake: And give up without a fight? I think not. Those riches belong to the people of Sherwood Forest. We must see they're returned. Phoebe: I know. But we can't just steal from the rich and give to the poor. There's laws against that. Drake: Marian, have you forgotten what it is to do good? (They walk inside the building. There is a long line of people waiting inside. Drake walks past the line of people.) Man: Hey, that guy's cutting. (A man stops Drake.) Man #2: Hey, hey, Pocahontas. There's a line. Drake: Little John. You came to join our merry band. Excellent. Man #2: Who are you calling little? Office Manager: Excuse me. Man #2: You want to fight me? Is that it? (Phoebe rushes up to them.) Phoebe: No, no, no, no. No, Robin. Drake: You've put on a bit of girth. Office Manager: Excuse me. I'm the office manager here. Is there a problem? Man #2: This nutjob's trying to butt in line. Phoebe: He doesn't know any better. (Drake walks up to the office manager and grabs him by his tie.) Drake: You will tell me where Prince John is. Office Manager: Who? Drake: Prince John. Phoebe: Okay, we don't want to kill the peasants. That's not what we do. Drake: He is no peasant. He's an accomplice to the prince's thievery. Office Manager: What? I didn't steal anything. Man #2: The hell you didn't. I read the paper. I know you've been screwing us. Thanks to you, I can't afford to take my wife out for Valentine's Day. Woman: That's nothing. They cut off my phone service for no reason. And now they want to charge me to re-connect it. Man #3: What about their lousy technicians? I wasted a day of work waiting on them. Man #2: See, you're making all our lives miserable. Kick his ass, Robin! Phoebe: No, just tell him where John Normand is. That's all he wants to know. Office Manager: Headquarters, financial district. Phoebe: Great, we'll find it. Come on. Office Manager: Just don't tell him I sent you. (Phoebe leaves.) Drake: Good people of Sherwood, the prince has abused his power for far too long. He lives in riches while you live in squalor. Man #2: Yeah! Drake: It is high time we take back that which was stolen from you. All of those who wish to join my fight, you follow me! Everyone: Yeah! [Cut to outside. A security guard is standing near a Armored Services truck holding up a gun. Suddenly an arrow flies through the air and knocks the gun out of his hand. Drake walks out of the building pointing the bow and arrow.] Drake: Stand down if you know what's good for you. (Drake goes over to the Armored Services truck. Phoebe walks out of the building.) Phoebe: Hey! What are you doing? Drake: Marian, you're just in time. To the end of Prince John's tyranny! (He grabs some money out of the truck and throws it into the air. Everyone runs to try catch it.) Phoebe: You can't do this! Drake: Look what the prince has done to these people. How can you turn a blind eye to that? Or has your heart really grown that cold? Fill your hearts and fill your bellies! (Sirens are heard.) Phoebe: The police are coming. We gotta go. Let's go. (She pushes through the crowd.) Excuse me. (The Sorcerer is watching near by.) [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Miss Donovan is shackled to the wall. Her astral projected self is trying to unlock the shackles. The Sorcerer stands behind her, watching.] Miss Donovan: Oh, please. Please... Sorcerer: So you can astral project. That could come in very handy later. (He pokes her and she astral projects back into her body.) Morning, sunshine. Miss Donovan: What do you want with me? Sorcerer: I'm afraid I couldn't bring the demon out of Drake as I'd planned. I was interrupted by the Charmed Ones. Miss Donovan: Then they'll probably come for you. Sorcerer: Which is why I need you to serve as a distraction when the time is right. Miss Donovan: Oh, why did I ever come down here? I should have stayed in the library. Sorcerer: The library? Well, then you are indeed a prize. Miss Donovan: Why? What do you mean? Sorcerer: The witches' interference made my spell go awry. Drake is unstable now, and I need to use this to my advantage. So tell me... what do you know about Robin Hood? [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper is making a potion and on the phone.] Piper: No, Phoebe, you can't take him to John Normand's office. That is a very bad idea. You have to bring him back here. I said you have to bring him back here! Phoebe. Phoebe! Damn it. (She hangs up. Leo walks in.) Do I really need this today? Or ever? Leo: Relax. You can handle it. Piper: This coming from the man who refuses to help. Leo: I told you, I'm afraid that I'm gonna piss off the Elders, and they can recycle me, Piper. You don't want that, do you? Piper: No, of course not. But it's just, we were this close to a life without Elders, without demons, without freaking Robin Hood running through the streets, threatening to expose us. Leo: I know, but this is the life that we have now, and have to make the best out of it, okay? So relax, you can handle it, just like you've done before. Piper: Thank you, and don't remind me. (Paige orbs in.) Paige: Have you guys seen the news? Piper: No. Weren't you at Magic School? Paige: Yeah! We have satellite. (Paige turns on the TV in the kitchen.) News Reporter: He apparently threw the stolen cash into the crowd, inciting a near riot. Police have launched a search for the man who bystanders described as a modern-day Robin Hood. (Paige turns off the TV.) Piper: Still think I can handle this one? Leo: Just like the good old days. Piper: Bite your tongue. Paige: Okay, you know what? I should go warn Darryl. Because the cops have no idea what they're up against. Piper: No, no, no. Wait. I need you to write a vanquishing spell. Paige: Why? You have the potion. Piper: Not for the Sorcerer, for Drake. Paige: For Drake? Really? Piper: We need to be able to stop him. And this may be the only way. Leo, can you warn Darryl? Leo: What about the Elders? Piper: Oh, for God's sake. I don't think they'll strike you down for making a phone call. Leo: Right. Paige: You know what? I found a spell at Magic School and it should be able to summon the Sorcerer. That way we don't have to vanquish Drake. Piper: You mean Miss Donovan found it? Paige: No. I found it. Come to think of it, I haven't actually seen Miss Donovan in a little while. Look, anyway, the point is, with my spell, we can summon the Sorcerer. With your potion we can vanquish him and that kind of fixes the whole Drake thing, yeah? Piper: Maybe, but if that doesn't work, we need a plan B. We've gotta stop Drake somehow. Paige: Well, I guess it can't hurt. Piper: Exactly. The last thing we need is another news report like that one. [Scene: Police Station. Darryl is on the phone.] Darryl: He's a what? Leo: An ex-demon. But he still has powers, so be careful. You don't want the cops to provoke him too much. He could take out half the force. Darryl: If Sheridan finds out, that could be a trigger. Leo: Sorry? Darryl: For her memory. If she remembers she was after them, then she'll be all over us again. Leo: Oh, then, you can't let her find out. Darryl: Thanks for the tip, Leo. (Darryl hangs up. He grabs his coat. Sheridan walks up to him.) Sheridan: Good news, lieutenant. The captain wants us to work together. So where are we going, partner? [Scene: Street. Phoebe and Drake are there. They cross the road in front of a cab. He slams on his breaks.] Cab Driver: Hey, what's the matter with you, moron! Phoebe: So we're just gonna talk to the guy, right? We're not actually gonna kill him. Drake: No, of course not. As long as he promises to give back every last penny. Phoebe: What do you mean, every last penny? Look, I don't think this is a good idea. Drake: Marian, you've come so far. You must be strong enough to finish the fight, for those who cannot fight for themselves. Do not let all we've done be for naught. (They hear a siren. Darryl and Sheridan pull up.) Phoebe: Darryl. Drake: The sheriff of Nottingham. It's about time he arrived. Sheridan: Freeze! (She points her gun. Drake shoots an arrow at her and it hits her in the arm.) Phoebe: Sheridan! (Phoebe runs over to her.) Drake: Marian! Marian! Phoebe: Oh my god. Are you okay? (Sheridan grabs Phoebe.) Sheridan: Yeah, I'm fine. But you're under arrest. (to Darryl) Where's the other one? Darryl: He got away. [Cut to inside a building. Office. John Normand is there. Drake kicks open the door.] Drake: Prince John! We meet at last. John: What the hell is this? (Drake points his bow and arrow at John.) Drake: The end of your reign. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: John Normand's Office. Continued from before.] John: You'll never make it out of here, you know that. I mean, the cops will have you inside of two minutes. Drake: You need not worry about me, sire. John: What exactly do you want from me? Did my ex-wife send you? Drake: I'm here to rob you. John: Of course. Well, in that case, we'd better get right to it, and you can be on your merry way. Now, who should I make this out to? Drake: You will return all that you have stolen to every last person in your domain. John: But I have millions of customers. Drake: Then I suggest you get started. [Cut to outside. Police cars have pulled up. Darryl is talking on a walkie talkie.] Darryl: Hold your position, and nobody make a move unless I say so. (He walks over to Phoebe and Sheridan. Sheridan is holding a cloth up to her arm.) You should really get that wound checked. Sheridan: No, thanks. I've missed enough. Miss Halliwell here was just telling me a very interested story. Phoebe: Wait, you don't believe me? Sheridan: I think it's a little far-fetched, don't you think? You get kidnapped by Robin Hood, forced to go on a crime spree, only to be saved in the end by us. That's a nice touch. Darryl: Let her go, Sheridan. She's a friend. Phoebe: Hey, you know what? Sheridan, I'm a good person. And I really think that I can help you out in this situation if you'd just let me. Darryl: Do you really think you can? Phoebe: Yeah, I do. He and I have a connection. He's a little messed up right now, but I really think I could break through to him. But I gotta talk to him. Sheridan: That's completely out of the question. It's dangerous, and it breaks procedure. Phoebe: You know what? He's dangerous. You have no idea what he's capable of. Man's Voice: (on walkie talkie) Lieutenant, we're in position. We've got a clear shot. Darryl: Hold your fire. (to Sheridan) She's going in. Sheridan: What? Morris... Darryl: That's an order, inspector. Phoebe: Thank you, Darryl. (Sheridan uncuffs Phoebe and Phoebe runs off.) Sheridan: You know, there's something oddly familiar about all this. Darryl: You should get that wound checked. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige are sitting around a table. There are five lit candles on the table.] Paige: "Sorcerer of darkness, demon of fright, I call you now into my sight." (Nothing happens.) Maybe I can just try it again. Piper: No, Paige, you've tried three times. It's not working. He must be protecting himself somehow. Paige: I could have copied it down wrong. Piper: Paige, it's not your first day as a witch. It's just... We're running out of options. You saw the news. I think it's time we go to plan B. Paige: I think getting rid of him would be a big mistake. Piper: So would letting an innocent die. Look, if you're not gonna trust yourself, at least trust me because it's certainly not my first day. (Miss Donovan astral projects in.) Miss Donovan: Paige. Paige: Miss Donovan! Why are you astral projecting? Miss Donovan: Later. I don't have time. The Sorcerer took me prisoner. Piper: What? Miss Donovan: I swear, I was just trying to check out Drake. It turns out he's not so bad. It was the Sorcerer that I should have been worried about. Paige: It's okay, we know all about it. Don't panic. Now that we know where you are, we can scry for you and get you out of there and just vanquish him. Miss Donovan: Oh, thank you. Now I gotta go. (She astral projects out.) Piper: Looks like Drake just got a reprieve. [Cut to the Underworld. Cave. The Sorcerer is watching the attic through a crystal ball.] Sorcerer: Well played, my dear. Miss Donovan: I wish I could have told them what you were planning. Sorcerer: If you had, you'd be dead by now. At least now, you'll live a touch longer than the Charmed Ones will. You see, thanks to your message, they're not focused on saving you. Too bad my lair is protected against summoning and scrying. Miss Donovan: It won't take them long to figure it out. Sorcerer: But by then I'll have Drake's powers. Miss Donovan: How can you be so sure? Sorcerer: Well, you see, once a demon, always a demon. I just need to remind Drake of that, by casting a spell on Prince John. [Scene: John Normand's Office. John is writing out checks.] John: Come on, you cannot expect me to write all these checks. (Phoebe comes in. Drake points his bow and arrow at her.) Phoebe: Oh, Robin, don't shoot! It's me, your Marian. Drake: Milady, how did you elude the sheriff? Phoebe: Oh, me and the sheriff go way back. Now listen. Don't you think it's time we let the prince go? I'm sure he's learned his lesson by now, haven't you, John? John: Oh, oh, yeah. I'm... I'm heartbroken here, man. I didn't realise what I was doing to those poor people. Thank you, Robin. You have really shown me the error of my ways. I swear, I am going to change. Phoebe: See? That's great, that's great. I know you don't want to hurt him. Drake: What about the money? He can't be trusted. Phoebe: Well, if you can't trust him, then trust me. Look, today you reminded me what it's like to do good, to make a difference and to help people. Now let me help you. Come with me, before you do something you'll regret. Drake: Sorry. (John briefly glows red.) John: Oh, I cannot believe that you actually fell for that. Drake: What? John: Oh, really. Do you think I give a rat's ass about some poor schmo who's too stupid to know he's been suckered? There's no way in hell I'm giving this money back. Phoebe: Oh, no, the Sorcerer. [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Paige and Leo are there. Piper is scrying.] Leo: I don't think Darryl can hold off the cops any longer. You're running out of time. Piper: What would you like me to do? The crystal's not dropping. Paige: This isn't right. We're being played. Piper: Come on, Paige, you're not gonna do any of us any good by waffling now. Paige: I'm not waffling. Look. Fine, I admit, okay. I've been out of it since the whole thing with the Avatars and with Kyle. But I can't keep beating myself up over the mistakes that we've made. I have to move on. I think we all do. Piper: I'm not sure it's that easy. Paige: Maybe not but I have to try, right? Drake said that I have to start trusting my instincts again. Otherwise, I'm not gonna be able to help him or Miss Donovan or anybody. Leo: So what are your instincts telling you? Paige: That Miss Donovan's just a distraction. Otherwise, we would have found her by now. Piper: Okay, say you're right. So you think the Sorcerer is after Drake? Paige: He wants his powers, doesn't he? Drake's bound to use those at some point or another. [Scene: John Normand's Office. Drake has his bow and arrow pointed at John.] Drake: You will give the money back. John: Or what? You're gonna shoot me with an arrow? Come on. I'm evil. You can do better than that. Phoebe: Don't listen to him. He's under a spell. John: You gotta punish me, destroy me, or I'll keep doing evil. And I don't give a damn who gets hurt. Single mums, old people, kids, even your little maid here! (Drake throws down the bow and arrow.) Drake: She's not my maid! (Drake throws fireballs at John and he is knocked through the window. John grabs onto the window sill and hangs onto it from the outside of the building.) Darryl: (from the street) My god. John: Help me, please. (Phoebe grabs John's arm and tries to pull him up.) Phoebe: I gotcha. I gotcha. (Drake turns back to his normal self. The Sorcerer appears in the chair.) Sorcerer: Hello. [Cut to the manor. Conservatory. Leo sees the news on the TV.] Leo: Looks like your instincts were right. News Reporter: (on TV) We believe that John Normand is being hurled out of that window by some... Paige: Just wish I trusted them sooner. [Cut to John Normand's Office.] Sorcerer: A deal is a deal. (The Sorcerer holds out his hands and Drake glows red. The Sorcerer absorbs Drake's powers.) You, off to purgatory, my boy. (Drake is engulfed in flames. Piper and Paige orb in. Drake disappears.) Well, what are you waiting for? Come and get me. (He shimmers out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Leo is there with Wyatt and Chris.] News Reporter: (on TV) This was the scene of chaos, just minutes ago when the man known as Robin Hood detonated what appears to have been a homemade bomb. Fortunately, billionaire John Normand escaped injury with the aide of local advice columnist Phoebe Halliwell. (Piper, Phoebe and Paige orb in.) Phoebe: Piper, we don't have a choice. We have to go after the Sorcerer. Piper: I realise that, but he knows we're coming. He'll set a trap for us. Leo: What happened? The news said Drake was missing. Paige: No, actually, we lost him. Phoebe: But if we vanquish the Sorcerer, we should be able to reverse the magic and get Drake out of purgatory. Paige: Well, if we can use the vanquishing spell I wrote to get rid of Drake, then it should work on getting rid of the Sorcerer. Piper: How can you be sure it'll work? Paige: I trust my gut. Helped us find the Sorcerer, right? Phoebe: And it was right about Drake. He is an innocent. We have to save him, otherwise everything he's done will have been for naught. Piper: For naught? Phoebe: The point is is we have to save Drake. Piper: I don't know, I think Drake's caused enough trouble for one day. Leo: I'll say. We'll be lucky if he doesn't trigger Sheridan's memory. Piper: Not to mention Prince John and all the magic he saw. Phoebe: Okay, John won't remember a thing. We can worry about Sheridan tomorrow. Piper: You worry tomorrow. I'll worry today. (Paige scrys for Miss Donovan. The crystal lands on a spot on the map.) Paige: Found Miss Donovan. Probably the Sorcerer too. Piper: See? Wasn't that a little too easy? I'm telling you, it's a trap. Phoebe: Maybe we should start thinking more like Robin Hood. Piper: Excuse me? [Scene: Underworld. The Sorcerer's Lair. The Sorcerer and Miss Donovan are there.] Sorcerer: It won't be long now. I've lowered the cave's protections, which means the Charmed Ones are on their way. Miss Donovan: To vanquish you, I'm sure. Sorcerer: Oh, I'm sure they'll try. But we're on my turf now. And they'll be no match for my new powers. (Another Miss Donovan appears in the room.) Miss Donovan #2: I'm not so sure about that. Sorcerer: Well, well, well. I'll give you this much. You're getting better at that. You don't even need to be asleep anymore. Miss Donovan: I'm a fast learner. Miss Donovan #2: Me too. Sorcerer: Well, that's wonderful, but I don't think I have time for this right now. (A third Miss Donovan astral projects in the room.) Miss Donovan #3: You should make time. Sorcerer: What the hell? Miss Donovan #3: Because you never know... (Another Miss Donovan appears in the room.) Miss Donovan #4: It's true. You never know when your time is up. Sorcerer: The Charmed Ones. Miss Donovan #4: "Evil blast we cannot use." (The three extra Miss Donovan's change into Piper, Phoebe and Paige.) Piper, Phoebe, Paige: "The power of three now lights the fuse." (The Sorcerer is engulfed in flames. He screams and disappears.) Piper: Nicely done. Paige: What about Drake? (Drake appears.) Drake: Ow, that's hot! That's not gonna... Phoebe: Drake. Drake: You saved me? Phoebe: Of course. What would you expect from Maid Marian? Paige: And your Merry Men. Piper: Women. Miss Donovan: Excuse me? Do you mind? (Paige goes over to Miss Donovan.) Phoebe: That was interesting, huh? Piper: I guess. I just can't believe we're back in the Underworld, back vanquishing demons again. (Paige is having trouble getting the chains off Miss Donovan.) Drake: I don't know. After all, it is pretty romantic, isn't it? Piper: You've gotta be kidding. Drake: No, not at all. (Drake clicks his fingers and Miss Donovan is freed from the chains.) Most of the world's greatest lovers were brought together during a time of epic conflict. Most of them were doomed, but they did find the romance in it. So why can't you? [Scene: Police Station. Darryl and Sheridan are there. Sheridan is looking at the front page of the paper. It reads "Ask Phoebe A Hero".] Sheridan: Hey. Thought you might want to see this. Darryl: A hero. Now, aren't you glad you didn't arrest her? Sheridan: Oh, I don't know. She didn't help us get the guy. Darryl: She didn't promise to. She promised to help. Sheridan: Yeah, but still, don't you think it's just a little weird? I mean, she goes inside, the perp gets away, but yet there's no trail to follow, no leads. I mean, it's almost as though he just disappeared. Darryl: We'll get him. Good night, Sheridan. [Scene: Magic School. Paige walks into the library. Drake is there wearing suit.] Paige: Oh, you look great in all your teacher-ness. Drake: Oh, that little old thing? Paige: Okay, well, I've brought you your class schedule and your student roster. And I have assigned you a TA. Miss Donovan. Drake: She's not sore for being passed over? Paige: She got freaked out by what happened. She did want to run back to the library, but I've talked her into helping you out in the class. Drake: I guess it's all for the best. Someone's gotta take over. Paige: What, are you planning on being absent a lot? Drake: In case it doesn't work out. We agreed it would be temporary at first. You may change your mind in a couple of weeks. I may need to move on. Paige: I will not change my mind, trust me. Anybody who can get though the thick skulls of my lovely sisters and I can definitely get though to those kids. Drake: Even though I'm a little crazy? Paige: Because you are a lot crazy. No, look, Magic School's protected. It's okay. Give it your best shot. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Hey. Drake: Hey. Phoebe: I just came by to see the new professor. Paige: All right, well, I promised Piper and Leo that I'd babysit for them tonight. They're going out celebrating Valentine's Day. Drake: Finding a little romance? Paige: Thanks to you, yeah. Drake: Oh, I'm not done yet. Phoebe: Really? Paige: Okay, well, great, awkward moment for me. So I'll be going. There's a night class in five minutes. Don't forget. (Paige leaves.) Phoebe: So I thought you'd like to see tomorrow's newspaper. (She hands him the paper.) Looks like Prince John is gonna give back everything he stole. Guess he just needed to be reminded of his mortality. Drake: Works every time. Phoebe, there's something I have to tell you. The deal I made that made me human, that only lasts a year. At the end of it, I gotta die. (Phoebe giggles.) Phoebe: What...? Are you kidding? Drake: No. Uh-uh. But listen, it was well worth the sacrifice. Now all I want to do is pass on what I've learned about literature, about life and about love. Phoebe: How long do you have? Drake: Two weeks. Phoebe: I mean, can't we try to fix it? Drake: You can't. And you know what? It's all good. See you. (Drake walks away.)
doc_197	Opening credits JACK HARKNESS (v.o.) : Torchwood. Outside the government, beyond the police. Fighting for the future on behalf of the human race. The 21st Century is when everything changes... and Torchwood is ready. EXT. MALL - DAY Owen stands in the middle of the walkway. The world around him moves... backward. In rewind. Everyone is walking quickly backwards. OWEN (v.o.) : My name is Dr. Owen Harper and this is my life. MONTAGE OF CUTS : Owen is running. OWEN (v.o.) : A life that is full of action... [SCENE_BREAK] Owen pulls out his gun with a silencer attached and shoots the lock off the door. Ianto turns around. OWEN (v.o.) : ... and violence... [SCENE_BREAK] Owen is in the autopsy area back in the hub. He's holding a syringe and looks at the needle as Jack sits behind him and waits. OWEN (v.o.) : ... and work,... [SCENE_BREAK] Owen looking at the slab of meat. OWEN (v.o.) : ... wonder. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen sprays on some alien pheromone at the bar. The blonde woman grabs him and kisses him. OWEN (v.o.) : Secrets, s*x... [SCENE_BREAK] Owen dances with Diane. OWEN (v.o.) : ... and love and heartbreak... [SCENE_BREAK] Owen is shot. He hits the ground. OWEN (v.o.) : ... and death. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen is on the table. Martha pulls back the sheet covering him as she prepares to do his autopsy. OWEN (v.o.) : My death. Owen sits up suddenly, panting. OWEN (v.o.) : The death I survived. EXT. MALL - DAY Owen stands in the middle of the walkway. The world around him moves on past him. Everyone is walking past him as life continues. OWEN (v.o.) : The death I am now living through. INT. OWEN'S PLACE REVERSE VIEW : OWEN'S REFRIGERATOR Owen opens the refrigerator door and reaches for a bottle of something to drink. OWEN (v.o.) : Except... this isn't living. Then, he remembers that he can't drink anything. He puts it back. OWEN (v.o.) : Every day it's the same. THE NEXT DAY : Owen opens the refrigerator door and looks at the bottles of things he can't consume. [SCENE_BREAK] In the bathroom, Owen lathers up some shaving foam in his hands. OWEN (v.o.) : I get up, get ready for work the same as everyone else. Then, he remembers that he no longer has facial hair to shave. He looks at his reflection in the mirror and swallows. INT. THE HUB - CONTAINMENT CELLS Owen stands in front of the weevil cage. OWEN (v.o.) : The thing is, I'm not the same. The weevil cowers in the darkness, lifts its head and howls. WEEVIL : Aaaahh ! INT. THE HUB - OUTSIDE THE COG DOOR Owen stands outside the cog door. OWEN (v.o.) : I get to work and everyone's doing the same old thing. The lights flash and the door rolls open. He turns to go inside. Jack, Toshiko and Gwen are up at the workstations. OWEN (v.o.) : Babbling away about aliens and weddings. He enters the hub. INT. UNDER WATER - DAY Owen is under water. OWEN (v.o.) : I'm not real. Three days ago, I died. He looks at his hand. OWEN (v.o.) : And they think I'm fine,... but they're wrong. Owen screams. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDINGS - NIGHT (PRESENT) PULL UP to the tallest building where we find Owen and a blonde-haired woman sitting side-by-side on the edge, their legs dangling off the side. OWEN : So, are you ready to jump ? Opening credits EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT (PRESENT) Owen and Maggie sit side-by-side on the edge, their legs dangling off the side. MAGGIE : Would you just piss off. Get off my roof. OWEN : Your roof ? MAGGIE : I'm going to jump, so just leave me alone. OWEN (sighs) : Look, darlin', you know, I'm not here to stop you. Seriously. (He unzips his jacket). You think you've got problems ? (Scoffs). What, did your man dump you ? MAGGIE : Sorry, love, are you talking to me ? It's just, you know, I'm a bit busy right now. I'm not really interested in listen... (She stops when she sees his bullet wound in his chest). What is that ? OWEN : I got shot. MAGGIE : Yeah, right. He looks at her, half smiles and nods. She sticks her finger in his bullet wound. Now, she's freaking. MAGGIE : Oh, my God. She climbs down from her perch on the wall and steps back just to put some distance between them. MAGGIE : What the hell are you ? Owen climbs down off the wall. Maggie is still backing away from him. OWEN : I'm dead. MAGGIE : That's not... Look, you can't be dead, you're... you're standing here. You're talking. You're moving. You're... you're not dead. Wha... ? You're... You're dead ? OWEN : Yeah, I was brought back... like Jesus really, but without the beard, you know. (Realizes). sh1t, I'm never gonna have a beard. Not that I wanted one you understand, but you know, one day I... MAGGIE : Yeah. Okay. Okay. You're dead and that's... that's clearly a bit sh1t and I'm sorry and everything but, if you are dead, then why are you here ? You can't be wanting to jump. You can't die twice. OWEN : Sorry, are you an expert ? MAGGIE : Sorry, are you an idiot ? OWEN : Yeah. I'm a dead idiot. MAGGIE : So, come on then, what's it like ? She sticks a cigarette in her mouth and lights it. OWEN : What ? MAGGIE : Well, being dead. What delights have I got to look forward to ? OWEN : Darkness. Nothing. MAGGIE : Cheery, thanks. Look, why are you here ? Owen looks at her. JACK (PRE-LAP, v.o.) : Dr. Owen Harper, Torchwood Officer 565, I'm relieving you of your position. INT. THE HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - NIGHT (EARLIER) Jack is at his desk as he delivers the bad news to Owen. Ianto is near the doorway. OWEN : Bollocks. I'm sorry, Jack, this is bollocks ! JACK : Hand in your weapon and your security pass. OWEN : But why ? I'm fine. JACK : Three days ago, you died. We need to examine you. We need to find out what you are. We need to be certain you're okay. OWEN : Yeah, well it almost sounds as if you care, well done. JACK : Until I'm confident you're fit for duty, Martha Jones will replace you as Torchwood's new medical officer. OWEN : She's doing all right out of this, isn't she ? JACK (stands up) : She's worked out a series of tests and examinations. OWEN : And what if I refuse ? JACK : You'll be confined to the cells, the tests will be done, and if the results show that you're a danger to the team, appropriate steps will be taken. Ianto steps in closer. Jack also steps in closer to Owen. JACK : I'm asking you, Owen. Please, let us help you. Let us make sure you're safe. Owen doesn't look at him. IANTO : I'm gonna need your gun. Owen turns and looks at him. He takes his gun out and reluctantly gives it to Ianto. IANTO : And your security pass. (Owen looks at Ianto). Please... Just behind them and through the glass in the wall, Martha is in the workstations. He glances at her, then takes his security pass out and gives it to Ianto. OWEN : And how long are Dr. Jones' tests going to take ? JACK : As long as they need to. OWEN : And what the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime ? JACK : We always need someone to make coffee. OWEN : Oh, no. [SCENE_BREAK] CLOSE-UP : COFFEE MACHINE Ianto is at his area at the base of the spiral stairs as he fills up the coffee cup. Owen sits in the chair nearby. IANTO : Voila. Fresh and strong. (He smells it appreciatively). Mmmm. Owen gets up. Ianto steps aside and hands the cup to Owen. OWEN : And, uh... we couldn't just have a jar of instant, no ? IANTO : I thought you liked your coffee. OWEN : Have you seen what happens when I drink these days ? IANTO : Yeah. Thank you, Owen. Ianto takes the cup away from him. IANTO : Do you want a go ? OWEN : Ooh, please. Owen turns to try his hand at the machine. Owen grabs the handle. The cups rattle as he tries to get it to work, but it doesn't. OWEN : Come on. What's wrong with this ? IANTO : You, um... Owen grabs both handles and shakes it. The cups and dishes rattle loudly. Some sound as if they break. He turns and sees Jack and Martha on the stairs watching him. He rests his chin on the machine in humiliation. IANTO (quietly) : You okay ? OWEN (sighs and turns around) : What do you think ? I bet you're loving this, aren't you ? It's like you've finally won. IANTO : I didn't realize we were in competition. OWEN : Oh, come on ! Even Tosh had more of a life than you used to. And now you're always out on missions, you're shagging Jack and I'm stuck here making the coffee. IANTO : It's not like that. Me and Jack. Ianto goes to the machine and fixes a cup of coffee. OWEN : Yeah, yeah... You and Jack. Gwen's getting married. Martha's got her bloke. God, even Tosh had Tommy. This is really sh1t ! Ianto goes about his business. IANTO : We've all gone through sh1t. I've seen you dissect alien corpses. I've seen you save so many lives. Are you really going to let this beat you ? He leaves Owen with that. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA Owen is on the treadmill. His image is up on the monitor as Martha tests him. The machine beeps. Owen stops it. He smiles. OWEN : So, you're choosing me over the boyfriend ? Owen steps off the treadmill and picks up the barbells. He starts lifting them. Martha goes to the treadmill to check the readings. MARTHA : Yeah, that's it. You really don't need to worry, you know, I don't want your job. OWEN : Yes, I know. You just find me irresistible. MARTHA (rolls her eyes) : Oh, yeah, that's it. Every morning I wake up and think of ways to get you alone like this. (She goes back to the computer). There is no sign of any muscle decay. You're in great shape, as ever. OWEN : Hmm, no use coming onto me, Jones. I'm a changed man. MARTHA : And... um, no stiffening anywhere ? OWEN : Well... MARTHA : Just answer the question. OWEN : No, no signs of rigor mortis. Owen puts the barbells down. OWEN : So, if I keep up the exercise, I won't atrophy ? She appears with the hand-held monitor and scans him. MARTHA : Yep. And bonus, definitely looks like you're not going to age either. There's no further sign of cell mutation. You're a hundred percent human. (She turns the monitor off). A hundred percent Owen. Owen nods. The intercom beeps. GWEN (from speaker) : Hi, Martha. Meeting in the boardroom. Can you come down ? OWEN : You'd better go... Doctor. MARTHA : What about you ? OWEN : Cappuccino with chocolate sprinkles. MARTHA (smiles, confused) : What ? OWEN : That's what you drink, isn't it ? Suddenly, it's very awkward. Martha turns and leaves. Owen's smile fades. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM Everyone except Owen is there. JACK : Henry John Parker. He used to be a looker. Now he's 80-odd and even I have my limits. The door opens. Owen walks in with a tray of coffee. JACK : Your basic millionaire collector of alien hoo-hah. OWEN (quietly) : Didn't we file him in the "mostly harmless" category ? He puts a cup down in front of Ianto. MARTHA : So, what's the problem ? Owen continues setting coffee cups down on the table. TOSHIKO : I detected this at 5:17 this morning. Parker's house. There's an energy spike coming from it. I've never seen anything like it before. GWEN : Okay. So, the big question is, what's our Mr. Parker gone and found this time ? Gwen and Ianto quietly switch coffee cups as Owen heads to the back of the room. MARTHA : Why ? Do you think he's a threat ? GWEN : Well, he hasn't been up until now. (Owen wipes his tray as he listens). He's a bit Howard Hughes. We know he's there, we know he's not a threat. But as the story goes, he hasn't left the house since his wife died. Nobody's seen him since 1986. OWEN : We've been monitoring Parker for ages. There's nothing to be scared of is there ? Owen quickly sits down at the table with the others. There's a brief awkwardness with him being there when he's not supposed to. IANTO : Unlike, say, Tintin ? OWEN : Okay ! I never liked Tintin. What ? He's weird. He's got a funny face and his hair is just, he's horrible. IANTO : I always loved Tintin. OWEN : Yeah, well you would. And he never had a girlfriend did he, just the dog. Yeah, so I reckon he was actually shagging the dog. GWEN (interrupts) : Okay, meanwhile, back at Torchwood. Alien energy pulse. (to Jack) We've got to check this Parker out, okay ? (Jack nods. Gwen gets to her feet). Tosh, can you get me a complete schematic of the house ? Ianto, find out exactly what he's got. Get me an inventory of everything that he's bought over the last ten years. Martha, can you get a hold of his medical history ? MARTHA : Sure. GWEN : Okay, let's get to it, guys. As everyone gets to their feet, Jack levels a look at Owen. He then gets to his feet to leave as well. Owen is left sitting at the table. JACK (o.s.) : Hey, Gwen, any news on Banana Boat ? GWEN : Can you believe it ? Best Man, arrested in Lanzarote. JACK : What for ? GWEN : Ah, dodgy Cds. OWEN (PRE-LAP v.o.) : Worldwide, nearly a million people kill themselves each year. The door closes behind them. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT (PRESENT) OWEN : That's almost three times the population of Cardiff. Makes you think. MAGGIE : What are you ? Some sort of suicide geek ? OWEN : No, just a doctor. In fact, I'm not just a doctor. I'm a bloody brilliant doctor. MARTHA (PRE-LAP, v.o.) : I know you are. INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA (EARLIER) Owen sits on the table while Martha is working on the computer. OWEN : So why are you doing my job ? He absently plays with a scalpel, flipping it and catching it. Martha turns to look at him. MARTHA : Because Gwen asked me to. OWEN : That's not what I mean. MARTHA : Because you died. And because you need help. That's not a bad thing. Well, it's a bad thing that you died obviously, but it's not bad that you need help. If you know what I mean. OWEN : You're kinda cute when you babble. MARTHA : And you're kinda cute when you're not chucking a scalpel about. OWEN : But I'm making the sodding coffee ! (He stands up. Martha goes back to typing on the computer). I mean, come on, won't your bloke be missing you ? How about Jack ! Has he seen Jack ? They always get jealous when they meet Jack. MARTHA (irritated) : Owen, I don't want your job. I just want to do mine. OWEN : Okay, I'm dead, but I am one hundred percent human. I'm fine. MARTHA : You've sliced your hand open. Owen drops the scalpel as he opens his hand. It clatters on the floor. He is sufficiently freaked. TIME CUT TO : Owen sits on the table as Martha tends to his hand. MARTHA : The wound's not going to heal, so, you're going to have to re-stitch it every week or so. At least you don't need anesthetic. OWEN : Yeah, can't feel anything. I can't feel the needle or thread. I can't feel your hands on mine. Yet, I can touch things. I can hold 'em, I know they're there. But I just... can't feel anything. I'm numb. MARTHA : Do you see why Jack's worried ? Bruises won't heal. Bones won't mend. You're... fragile. Owen takes a breath. OWEN : Yeah, well, I'd better get used to doing things myself. He takes the needle and thread from her to stitch up his own hand. MAGGIE (PRE-LAP, v.o.) : So she offers to help you and you push her away ? Charming. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT (PRESENT) Maggie takes another cigarette out of the box. OWEN : Yeah, hole in the chest. Sorry if I don't follow social niceties any more. Owen climbs up on the wall to take his seat next to her. MAGGIE : You mean you did before ? She lights the cigarette. OWEN : God, you're a pain in the arse, aren't you ? Is that why your man dumped you ? (She looks at him). Ooh, I hit a nerve ? What, did you get your heart broken ? MAGGIE : No, actually. He died. OWEN : I'm sorry. MAGGIE : No you're not. You couldn't care less about me and I don't care about you. Just because we're both planning on jumping, it doesn't mean we have some sort of special connection. OWEN : You don't know the half of it. INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS / JACK'S OFFICE (EARLIER) Gwen is at her workstation going through some papers. Owen walks up to her and puts her cup down. His hand is bandaged up. She glances at him. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen talks with Jack. OWEN : Give me something to do. JACK : You know I can't. Rules and regulations. Owen takes Jack's cup and plate. OWEN : Fine. I might as well go home then. JACK : Okay. Owen turns toward the door. He turns back. OWEN : What exactly do I do when I get there ? JACK : Watch TV... chill. OWEN : Jack, I'm dead. I'm permanently chilled. You know, you get to live forever. I get to die forever. It's funny that. Owen turns and leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OWEN'S PLACE - DAY Owen is back at home, sitting on the sofa with the television set on. MAN 1 (from tv) : I'll look into it myself. MAN 2 (from tv) : Can I arrange something for later ? RANDOM MAN (from tv) : Yep. HOST (from tv) : Oh, hello ! And welcome to To Buy Or Not To Buy, the property show that lets you indulge in your... Owen turns the sound off. He sits on the sofa for a moment, puts the remote down and rubs his eyes. He gets up and looks at his place. He picks up a large trash bag, walks over to the refrigerator, turns the iPod on and opens the refrigerator. He clears out the food inside. [SCENE_BREAK] In the bathroom, he throws away the toilet tissue. He opens the medicine cabinet and tosses all the shaving and grooming products on the bottom shelf. CUT BACK TO : Owen clears off the items on the refrigerator door. CUT BACK TO : In the bathroom, Owen tosses all the products on the top shelf in the medicine cabinet. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen takes the garbage bag and closes the refrigerator door. He picks up the brand new loaf of bread on the table and looks at it. He tosses it in the garbage bag. He then throws away all the food on the table. He throws away the food on the counter, including a bowl of fresh fruit... and a handful of rotting bananas. He stops. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen is back to sitting on the couch. VARIOUS CUTS OF OWEN BEING BORED He stands in the bathroom. He looks at his empty refrigerator.) More Owen being bored. His eyes drift shut. Suddenly, his doorbell is ringing. It takes him a moment to realize that his doorbell is ringing. Owen opens the door and finds Toshiko there. She smiles at him. [SCENE_BREAK] Toshiko bursts in. She's carrying a box of pizza. TOSHIKO : Do you mind if I eat, I'm starving ? She heads into the kitchen. OWEN : No, help yourself. So, Jack asked you to come round did he ? "Talk to Owen. Get him to open up, goddamn it". He sits at the counter. TOSHIKO : You haven't changed, have you ? It's all about Owen. (She grabs her bottle of drink and looks around). I've had a hell of a morning, you know. Do you have a... ? She motions opening the bottle. OWEN (points) : Top drawer. She turns to get the bottle opener. TOSHIKO : So, Jack calls me in at 5:00 this morning. (She opens the bottle). He could've waited until I got in, but no, strange energy spike, and it's "Let's get Tosh in." Oh, and when Gwen got in, first thing she did ? Say sorry for not asking me to be bridesmaid. (voice fades) I mean, me, a bridesmaid ? Toshiko eats and continues talking. Owen drowns her out, not paying attention to her. MAGGIE (v.o.) : You sound like an old married couple. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT - PRESENT Owen and Maggie talk. MAGGIE : Brian used to say I talked too much. OWEN : Tell me about him. MAGGIE : Today's my wedding anniversary. Quick flashes of : Maggie exiting the church in her white wedding dress. She and her husband leave. MAGGIE (whispers) : My perfect day... Quick flashes of : Maggie is walking along the road, her white dress drenched red with blood. She staggers, then sits on the side of the grassy hill. MAGGIE : It was an accident. Quick flash of : Maggie in her blood-stained wedding dress. She heads toward the overturned car. She sits on the grass and touches her dead husband's hand. She looks around for help. MAGGIE : We'd been married less than an hour. Quick flash of : Maggie climbs up the grassy hill to the road. Her face is cut. She makes her way along the empty road. MAGGIE : I was picking confetti out of my hair when it happens. OWEN : sh1t. I'm... MAGGIE : Sorry, yeah. I know. OWEN : You've waited until your wedding anniversary to kill yourself ? Why ? MAGGIE : Does it matter ? OWEN : Why have you waited ? MAGGIE : Because I believe people. I... I believe them when they said it would get better. So, what do you think, Doctor ? Do you... do you really think it's going to get any better ? They lapse into silence. Maggie inhales from her cigarette, then tosses it off the side of the building. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OWEN'S PLACE - DAY (EARLIER) Owen is in his kitchen, staring at nothing. He closes his eyes. PAN slowly around Owen to REVEAL that Toshiko is still there and talking. We can't hear a word she's saying as Owen has tuned her out. Owen's brows furrow as something occurs to him. We hear Toshiko's voice now, mid-conversation. TOSHIKO (fades in) : ... bounced a message from the stars. Guess what... It's Croatian. I ran it through the language translator and it's flipping Croatian. OWEN (interrupts) : Why are you here, Tosh ? TOSHIKO : I want to help you. He nods. OWEN : And how are you going to do that ? How are you going to help me ? I mean, am I going to be a new special project ? TOSHIKO : Come on, Owen, I just... OWEN : That's not why you're here is it ? For some reason you want me. You know I don't know why, but you always have... always looking at me, watching me screw all those other women, your heart breaking and now it's different. Because I'm safe now, aren't I ? And it's all cozy and it's romantic and isn't it beautiful ? TOSHIKO : You can say what you like. I'm not leaving you. OWEN : Of course, not. This is it, isn't it ? This is the date that we were talking babout. You've got your beer, you've got pizza, you and me. It's just how you wanted it. All we need now is a sodding pool table. TOSHIKO : Stop it ! What's wrong with you ? OWEN : I'm broken, Tosh ! I don't work. I've got no heartbeat, no feelings, no tears ! I have got nothing to give you ! I... Do you understand that ? Maybe that's what you want ! Maybe you want somebody who's as screwed up as you ! Who's twisted and screwed up like you are. (He holds up his bandaged right hand). You want to see broken ? (He grabs his pinky finger). Do you want to see broken, Tosh ? He bends it backward till the bones crack. TOSHIKO : Owen ! Stop it ! What are you doing ?! He bends it all the way back. Toshiko stares at him. Owen sees the look on her face and can't take it any more. He runs out. The door slams shut behind him. EXT. OUTSIDE - DAY Owen runs... across the green grass... and past people watching. He runs as fast as he can. Owen turns and runs along the wooden pier. He runs to the end of the pier... and jumps into the water. Owen plunges into the water. He closes his eyes and all the bubbles clear. He opens his eyes and drifts in the water. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen puts a hand on the wooden pier and pulls himself up. He rests there a moment. Jack steps up to him and checks his wristband. JACK : Thirty-six minutes. Not bad. OWEN : You were watching ? JACK : Skinny guy in tight jeans runs into water ? I was taking pictures. Jack starts walking away. Owen quickly gets up. He's dripping. Jack stops and turns around. JACK : How long is this going to go on for, Owen ? Jack turns and walks away from him. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM Gwen leads the meeting with Jack, Ianto and Martha sitting at the table. GWEN : Ianto, what have you found out about Parker ? IANTO : I've identified some of the things he's purchased over the past year. We've got a Dogon eye. A pair of Myakian wings, some meteorites. An Arcateenian translation of James Herbert's The Fog. But there are a few things we've never seen before. GWEN : So one of these is causing the energy spikes ? IANTO : Looks like it. And they're getting bigger, dangerously bigger. GWEN : Well, okay we need to get in there. Gwen reaches across the table to hand Ianto a file. Ianto stands and leans over the table to get it. GWEN : Parker employs a Mr. Philip Farrington to run security. There's at least six guards, CCTV everywhere, all of which we can bring down by taking out the generator. But then there's these... (they turn to look at the monitor) heat sensors. MARTHA : As in body heat ? GWEN : Yep. Solar-powered. There's one on every doorway, every window. IANTO : So, how do we get past them ? OWEN (o.s.) : Sounds like you need a dead man. They turn and find Owen standing in the doorway, a towel draped around his neck, his hair still damp. His pinky finger is bandaged up as well. OWEN : Someone with no body heat. He walks into the room. OWEN : What have you got to lose ? He looks at Jack. Jack looks at him, measuring him. He motions to Ianto. Ianto offers Owen his gun back. Owen takes it. Jack nods. Footsteps approach. It's Toshiko. Owen turns around. OWEN : Tosh ? She offers his keys back to him. TOSHIKO : I turned your telly off. She leaves the keys with him and she walks away. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT (PRESENT) Maggie and Owen talk. Maggie sits on the roof wall, her back to the edge as she faces Owen. MAGGIE : You screamed at her, you said all those things, and that's it ? OWEN : That's Tosh. Always the professional. She hops off the roof wall. MAGGIE : I don't care. I'm not interested in you, in old men or, or alien meteors. I came here because my husband died. I just want to jump. Owen looks at her and nods. Suddenly, he grabs her and rushes toward the edge of the roof. OWEN : Let's get on with it ! MAGGIE (shouts) : Get off me ! He lets her go. OWEN : You, you're too scared. MAGGIE : Aren't you ? (Owen doesn't answer her). How did... how did you get from that to here ? The sirens wail below. She looks at him. MAGGIE : What happened ? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. OUTSIDE PARKER RESIDENCE - NIGHT (EARLIER) Martha talks with Owen. Jack watches behind her with the monitors they've set up. Owen is wearing a jacket with the hood over his head. MARTHA : If you hurt yourself, you will not recover. Like I said... any bruises you get, they're not going to heal. Do not engage in physical combat... one punch you're gone. Be careful. OWEN : I understand, I'm made of glass. Owen turns to head out. MARTHA : Owen ? He stops and looks at her. MARTHA : Just take care. He nods, then turns to head out when Jack stops him. JACK : Oh, and... uh ... you'll need this. Jack tosses a white cloth to him. Owen looks at Jack. Owen nods, then turns to go. He runs down the path along the bushes. [SCENE_BREAK] TOP VIEW DOWN on the estate pool. A security guard walks along the edge of the pool. PULL BACK to show the large wall bordering the estate and Owen making his way on the outside of the wall. Owen stops outside the gate and looks in. He presses his back to the stone wall. TOSHIKO (from comm) : Owen ? Owen turns his comm on. OWEN (quietly to comm) : Yeah... Hi, Tosh. TOSHIKO (from comm) : Okay, the power in the house is supplied from one private electrical generator. There's a backup unit but take the main one down and you've got one minute, twenty of blackout time. The security guard walks past the gate. OWEN : Can you get rid of one of the blokes here ? IANTO : It might look a bit suspicious if there were two phone calls. OWEN : Try and make it the big one, okay ? The two guards circle around the pool in a routine manner. Something shrieks in the night. One of the guards turns and looks. A cell phone rings. The guard turns and looks at the other guard. Owen also turns and quickly glances at the guard nearest the gate whose phone is ringing. The smaller guard answers his phone. OWEN (quiet) : Arse. BEN TAYLOR (GUARD) (to phone) : Hello ? INTERCUT WITH : INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS Gwen is on the speakerphone. GWEN (to phone) : Mr. Taylor ? BEN TAYLOR (to phone) : Yeah, that's right. Who's this ? GWEN (to phone) : I'm calling from St. Helen's Hospital. Mrs. Christine Taylor was brought in an hour ago. She's been involved in a car accident. The other guard approaches Ben Taylor. BEN TAYLOR (to phone) : Is she hurt ? GWEN : She's going to be fine, but she's asking to see you. BEN TAYLOR : Of course, I'm on my way. He hangs up. GUARD 2 : You all right ? BEN TAYLOR : It's Chrissie, she's been in an accident. Look, I've got to go. GUARD 2 : Yeah, of course. Ben leaves. Owen quickly moves to the other side of the gate. The remaining guard looksaround. GUARD 2 (to radio) : Mr. Farrington ? Ben's had to go. His wife's been in an accident. The guard walks out of the pool area through the gate. He passes Owen without seeing him. Owen runs in through the gate, passes the pool and quickly up the lawn. Owen makes his way cautiously along the wall of the greenhouse building. He reaches the main lawn and stops for a moment, then continues toward the electrical box. OWEN (quietly, to comm) : Okay, guys, I'm here. He opens the electrical box. The hinges squeak. A guard walks up to him from behind. GUARD : Move away from there. Startled, Owen turns around to find the guard walking up to him. GUARD (grabs Owen) : I said ! Owen kicks the guard. The guard falls to the ground. Owen takes out the white cloth Jack gave him. He looks at it and sees it's a t-shirt complete with toon boy and dog : Tintin. OWEN (groans) : Yeah, okay, guys. Very funny. Owen wraps the shirt around his hand just as the guard starts to get up. GUARD : Argh ! Owen pulls his gun out and the guard stops. OWEN : No, no, no. Do you want to see what I can do ? GUARD : What ? Owen turns and sticks his shirt-wrapped hand in the electrical box and shorts it out. The lights in the house flash. Owen grins. OWEN : Woo ! Owen pulls out the main cable. The power goes out completely. OWEN : I'm dead already, mate. FARRINGTON (over radio) : Webb ? Dave, are you there ? Before he can answer, Owen kicks him and knocks him out. GUARD : Oh ! TOSHIKO (from comm) : One minute, twenty until the backup generator comes online. Owen turns and runs toward the main house. FARRINGTON (from radio) : This is Farrington to all units. The backup generator will be running in 45 seconds. Stay at your posts, please. INT. MAIN HOUSE - FRONT DOORS / FOYER - NIGHT Owen reaches the front doors and kneels in front of the glass. FARRINGTON (from radio) : Mr. Parker's personal generator is unaffected. TOSHIKO (from comm) : Sorry, Owen, they've obviously had some work done. He pushes the front doors open and steps cautiously into the house. As he walks in, he notices the green sensor lights on the floor. OWEN : Heat sensors. He waves his arm direction in its path. Nothing. He looks at his hand. OWEN : I am literally too cool for school. He turns his flashlight on and looks around. He makes his way into the house. INT. MAIN HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Owen makes his way through the hallway. OWEN : Right, I'm in. TOSHIKO (from comm) : Okay, the energy reading seems to be coming from the first floor. A room at the back of the house. OWEN : Can you give me anything else ? TOSHIKO (from comm) : No, the energy source is playing havoc with the system, sorry. OWEN : No worries. I'm getting used to being in the dark. Owen reaches a room that looks like the kitchen. The power switches on and the lights power up. Owen runs. INT. MAIN HOUSE - STAIRS - CONTINUOUS Owen starts up the stairs. A security guard appears at the top of the steps behind Owen. SECURITY GUARD : Hold it there. Owen stops. He pushes his hood back and looks at the security guard at the top of the stairs, measuring him. OWEN : Evenin'. Nice place you've got here. (Starts up slowly). Love what you've done with the pictures. SECURITY GUARD : Who are you ? Why aren't the sensors picking you up ? There are sensors at each corner of the window Owen is walking past. The guard starts getting nervous. Owen continues up the stairs. SECURITY GUARD : Okay, stop ! Stop or I'll shoot. OWEN : No, you won't. You're a security guard. Come on, that gun's just for show, innit ? Owen continues up the stairs. OWEN : Do you know what a bullet does to a living person ? It's not like a knife through butter, no, no, no, no. It rotates, tears into the flesh and the gooey stuff behind... it rips into the organs, and, ooh, it's not nice. Owen is nearly to the top of the stairs. OWEN : But anyway, I haven't got any body heat. You must know what that means ? You can't kill a dead man. SECURITY GUARD : What are you ? OWEN : I'm wrong. SECURITY GUARD : What are you ?! Owen shows him his broken left hand. OWEN : I'm broken. I'm Dr Owen Harper. Owen grabs the gun away from the security guard. OWEN : And I'm having one hell of a day. Owen smashes the gun into the security guard's face, knocking him out. Owen steps over the guard, drops the security guard's gun near him and takes his own gun out. The cartridge clicks as he snaps it in place. INT. MAIN HOUSE - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Owen starts down the hallway, his gun held out in front of him. EXT. OUTSIDE PROPERTY Jack and Martha wait. INT. THE HUB - NIGHT Ianto and Gwen wait. INT. MAIN HOUSE - ROOM - CONTINUOUS Owen continues through the hallway. He checks the first door, then continues. Owen reaches the end of the hallway. He opens the door and enters the room. In the room is a shelf with various items on display. Owen looks at the items. Whatever he's looking for isn't there. He turns and looks at a second shelf with more items on display. Again, not there. Owen lifts his gun and heads for the door at the back of the room. INT. MAIN HOUSE - PARKER'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Owen opens the door and finds Parker's bedroom, a large mosquito net-covered bed in the middle of the room with various medical equipment and monitors around it. Owen walks in. Henry Parker is on the bed, seemingly asleep. Owen turns to look at some items on display on a shelf. HENRY PARKER : Yes ? Owen is startled. He turns and finds Henry Parker awake. A heart monitor beeps steadily. OWEN : It's okay, mate. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm a doctor. HENRY PARKER : You're a very violent doctor. I've been watching you. Parker lifts his hand and indicates the security monitors set up nearby. Owen pushes the netting aside to look at the old man. OWEN : Henry Parker, yeah ? HENRY PARKER : You're Torchwood, yes ? INTERCUT WITH : Outside, Jack and Martha listen. HENRY PARKER (from Owen's comm) : Did the American send you ? Martha turns and looks at Jack. Jack looks at Martha. OWEN : Yeah, he sent me. How do you know so much about us ? HENRY PARKER : They could've sent that Japanese girl, I like her. INTERCUT WITH : In the hub, Toshiko listens and is surprised. OWEN : Yeah, well, I'm sorry. You got me. HENRY PARKER : Is she... uh... on your phone thing ? That earpiece ? OWEN : Yeah. HENRY PARKER (to Toshiko) : Hello ! Just to say you've got very lovely legs. (Toshiko smiles). You should show them off more. Parker coughs. OWEN : What's wrong with you ? HENRY PARKER : Three heart attacks and a failed bypass. But I'm fine, because I have this. Parker takes out the alien device hidden under his covers. It looks like a large shell. It glows, pulses with light and emits a hollow sound. HENRY PARKER : It's called "the Pulse". OWEN : You know what it is ? Owen takes his backpack off and opens it. HENRY PARKER : I named it. It's keeping me alive. (Owen takes his hand-held device out to measure the energy readings). No ! You're not taking it. Owen takes his readings. OWEN : It could be dangerous. We've been detecting massive energy readings. HENRY PARKER : I don't care. All I know is, it works. OWEN : Well, I'm sorry, it doesn't. HENRY PARKER : What ? OWEN : The energy isn't going into you. The power's just building up inside that thing, that's what we've been detecting but... it isn't actually doing anything for you. HENRY PARKER : You're wrong. I can feel it. No, no. I'm not going to die. OWEN : Listen, please. Listen to me. There are loads of people's lives at risk. If that explodes, then we don't know what the fallout will be. HENRY PARKER : You're young. You don't understand what dying feels like. OWEN : Believe me, I do. I really do. HENRY PARKER : There's nothing there ! OWEN : Where ? HENRY PARKER : On the other side, nothing. I'm dying. Take away my Pulse and I'm gone, my body decomposing. OWEN : You can't stop it, Mr. Parker. I'm sorry, but it's going to happen one day. Owen pulls up a chair and sits down next to the bed. HENRY PARKER : It'll be dark and I'll be alone. OWEN : Where are you now ? It's dark and you're all alone, so what's the difference ? HENRY PARKER : I don't understand what's keeping me here. Parker coughs. The monitor alarm beeps. Owen puts the oxygen mask on Parker and lets him breathe in deep. After he's calmed down and the monitor alarm stops, Owen removes the oxygen mask. OWEN : It's hope. That thing... it's just hope. Do you really think all this is better than death ? HENRY PARKER : It's got to be. It is better ! OWEN : You're just scared of the darkness. Join the club. Trust me. I know how sh1t everything can be. HENRY PARKER : Eh... Don't you sit there pontificating, you're just a boy. What do you know about anything ? I've traveled the world. I fought in the war. Started my own business. I made a fortune. Married. Widowed. My collection, all of it. I've done so much and this is where I ended up. Alone. Lying in my own piss and do you know what I want ? OWEN : Clean sheets ? HENRY PARKER : I want a steak. Medium rare. Black pepper sauce. Look at me ! Fed through a tube. I might as well be dead already. (The Pulse keens. Softly). I might as well be dead. Why don't you take it ? Parker lifts the Pulse and offers it to Owen. HENRY PARKER (softly) : Take it. Owen takes it from him and sets it aside on the bed. OWEN : Well ? HENRY PARKER : Oh, Christ, it's dark, I'm alone, I'm so alone. Owen reaches for his hand and holds it. OWEN : It's all right, I'm here with you. HENRY PARKER : Uh. I'm still stuck here, though. In this bed, in the dark. OWEN : You know what ? I'm going to come back. You and me. We're going to face all of this together. I'm going to help you. HENRY PARKER : Torchwood, if you come back, you can tell me all about it. Tell me what it's like. I want to hear about the aliens and everything ! I need... I need to know that there's more out there. That this isn't all there is. (Off Owen's hesitant look). Oh, come on ! I'm dying, who am I going to tell, the Angel Gabriel ? If you come back, I won't tell the Japanese girl that you're still holding my hand. OWEN : Well, maybe. Parker smiles. He starts coughing and the heart monitor flatlines. Owen turns and reaches for the oxygen mask. He puts it on Parker's face. OWEN : Deep breath. Owen turns and presses the buttons on the machine. OWEN : Mr. Parker ? The heart monitor flatlines. Parker doesn't respond. Owen sets the oxygen mask aside. OWEN : Henry ? Still no response. Owen gets to work. He turns and checks the monitors. He checks Parker for a pulse and removes the pillow from behind his head. He starts chest compressions and leans in to give him mouth-to-mouth when he stops. He has no breath to give him. He lifts his hand to his mouth. No breath. Owen hits the bed in frustration. OWEN : I'm sorry. I'm so sorry ! Owen puts his head down in frustration and despair. OWEN (PRE-LAP, v.o.) : I couldn't save him. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT - PRESENT OWEN : He needed to give him air but I couldn't. I've got no breath ! Everything I've seen, everything that's out there and it was an old man dying of a heart attack. It was just another person dying because of me. (Owen climbs up on the wall and stands up). Everything that's happened and that was the final straw. Because at that moment I just wanted it all to end. TOSHIKO (PRE-LAP, from comm.) : Owen. Owen closes his eyes. INT. MAIN HOUSE - PARKER'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Owen's head is down on Parker's chest. The Pulse is glowing dangerously bright next to him. TOSHIKO (from comm.) : Owen, can you hear me ? Owen doesn't respond. INTERCUT WITH : INT. THE HUB TOSHIKO (firmly) : Owen, come in ! Owen stirs. OWEN (mumbles) : Yeah, yeah, I'm here. TOSHIKO : The device ? Is it doing anything ? (Owen glances at the Pulse). Because the energy levels coming from it are... Owen ? It's going off the screen. INTERCUT WITH : The bright light on Toshiko's monitor grows brighter and brighter with waves of energy emitting from the source. TOSHIKO : It's going to explode ! INTERCUT WITH : JACK : Tosh ? What can we do ? TOSHIKO : Nothing ! There's nothing ! Gwen and Ianto head toward Toshiko. Owen reaches for the Pulse. He's strangely calm about it. OWEN : It's okay. I'm going to hold it. JACK : Owen, what are you doing ? OWEN (from comm) : See if I can absorb it. TOSHIKO : Owen, the energy reading's off the scale. You won't survive. Owen tucks the Pulse in the crook of his arm and cradles it close to his body. OWEN : It's okay. These things happen. MARTHA : There must be something we can do. OWEN (from comm) : Martha, Martha. MARTHA : Owen ? OWEN : If it destroys me, they're going to need a new doctor. You've got all the credentials : medical skills, a cracking arse. Toshiko, Gwen and Ianto listen. Everyone is quiet. He means it. OWEN : Jack ? If you even attempt to bring me back again. Gwen, Ianto, it was fun. Honestly, thank you. Tosh ? (Silence) Tosh ? Come on, answer me. TOSHIKO : Owen. OWEN : I'm sorry. Beat. TOSHIKO : I love you. Waves of colored light float out of the Pulse as it grows and ribbons out... reaching. Owen closes his eyes and holds onto the Pulse. The light continues to grow and reach out past Owen. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT - PRESENT Owen and Maggie are up on the roof. MAGGIE : What happened ? OWEN : We all assume life's going to be sh1t, don't we ? That it's all just darkness. But you know what ? Sometimes, it's not. Owen gets off the wall. He kneels and opens his backpack on the ground. He takes out the Pulse. Bursts of ribbons of light continue to fluctuate out from the device. He turns and shows it to Maggie. She kneels to look at it, enraptured by it. MAGGIE : What is it ? OWEN : Do you remember in the '70s, NASA sent messages into space ? A map of our solar system, pictures of what we look like. It had images and voices, music. Even a bit of Chuck Berry. Well, this is a reply, not that we know who from. MAGGIE : What does it do ? OWEN : It sang to me. He holds it up to her. A ribbon of light reaches out from the device. It floats and waves back and forth between them. OWEN : It's a glimmer of light in the darkness. See ? Sometimes it does get better. They take a moment and watch the light. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CARDIFF CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT EXT. THE PLAZA - NIGHT Jack, Owen and Martha get out of the SUV. Gwen and Ianto join them. Owen turns and helps Martha out of the back seat. OWEN : Well, I'm sorry, Dr. Jones. No vacancies in Cardiff just yet. MARTHA : That's okay. I reckon you're... I was going to say "fine", but you're a hell of a lot more than that. OWEN : Thank you. For everything. Owen kisses Martha on the cheek. He gives her a hug. JACK (interrupts) : Oi ! Jack smiles. MARTHA : That's what I'm here for. Martha goes over to Gwen, who gives her a hug. GWEN : You take care. MARTHA : Okay. Martha gives Ianto a kiss on the cheek. She turns to Jack. MARTHA : Well, it's been... interesting. JACK : Oh, it's been fun. (Soft) You know it has. Martha surprises Jack and kisses him. She steps back and he looks at her curiously. MARTHA (chuckles) : Well, everyone else has had a go. He cups her cheek and looks at her seriously. JACK : You can so come back anytime. MARTHA : Well, maybe I will. One day. She taps her fingers to her forehead in a salute. Jack salutes her. Martha walks away with her bag and case. INT. THE HUB - NIGHT Toshiko and Owen sit on the couch and talk. TOSHIKO : Promise me something. OWEN : What's that ? TOSHIKO : No more locking it all away. You tell me when it's bad. Share it with me. Okay ? OWEN (nods) : Okay. Tosh, I'm scared. I'm scared that if I close my eyes I'll get trapped, in the darkness. She holds onto his arm. TOSHIKO : I'm here. Owen thinks about it for a moment, then puts his hand on hers. She puts her other hand on his. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SIDEWALK - NIGHT Owen is walking along the sidewalk. As he walks, something flutters to the ground right in front of him. He picks it up and finds that it's a folded photo of a man and woman. He thinks about it for a moment. Where could it have come from? He looks up and sees a young woman on the edge of the rooftop. OWEN (v.o.) : And that's when I saw you. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT - PRESENT MAGGIE : I thought you came here to jump ? OWEN : No, I came here to help. He returns her folded photo back to her. She takes it and opens it. MAGGIE : What do I do now ? OWEN : You've got a choice. If you think that the darkness is too much, then go for it. But if there is a chance, just some hope. It could be having a cigarette, or that first sip of hot tea on a cold morning, or it could be your mates, if there's even a tiny glimmer of light then don't you think that's worth taking a chance ? Maggie's quiet. OWEN : What's your name ? MAGGIE : Maggie. Maggie Hopley. With his free hand, Owen holds Maggie's hand. In his other hand, he's holding the Pulse which has now blossomed with even more ribbons of light. OWEN : Well, Maggie, it's up to you. Your choice. (Owen looks at the Pulse). Do you still want to jump ? They stand there together. OWEN (v.o.) : My name is Owen Harper and this is my life. The ribbons of light reach out and grow from the Pulse. It zooms out, twists, curls and reaches out toward the city.
doc_198	MUSIC IN: (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) TONY: Lieutenant Lara Hill. Stop number forty six on the boredom express. ZIVA: Cheer up. This could be fun. TONY: If I wanted to knock on doors all day, I would have joined UPS. ZIVA: Trust me. Brown is not your most flattering color. TONY: You're actually enjoying this, aren't you? ZIVA: We're looking for a mole in the Pentagon, Tony. Espionage just so happens to be one of my specialties. (KNOCK ON DOOR) TONY: We're interviewing code geeks. They're not even sure there is a mole. ZIVA: Don't you find it a bit coincidental that every time the Navy breaks a Venezuelan code, it changes almost instantly? (SFX: TONY YAWNS) ZIVA: All right. I'm trying the back door. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BACK YARD - DAY (SFX: GATE OPENS) TONY: Relax, Ziva David. We're dealing with a Naval Officer. Not Doctor Evil. ZIVA: Well, she didn't show up for work or her interview with us. No one has been able to reach her by phone. TONY: She probably overslept. ZIVA: I believe in being prepared. TONY: So do Boy Scouts. Why didn't you bring Webelos McGee with you? ZIVA: I tried. He was busy. TONY: I've got an idea. How about if I shove you right through here? Huh? (F/X: CAT SCAMPERS FROM THE HOUSE) (SFX: ZIVA LAUGHS) ZIVA: Don't tell me you're afraid of a little pussy - cat, Tony? TONY: (BEAT) It looks like blood. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/ SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY TONY: I knew something was wrong the minute I got out of the car, Probie. Instinct. Pure and simple. Either you got it or you don't. MCGEE: Yeah, well I heard you squealed like a little squirrel when the cat jumped out at you. TONY: I was saving this for Ziva, but since you volunteered... find the little beast. Got blood on his paws. It's evidence. MCGEE: I'm allergic to cats. TONY: Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea. Try holding your breath. DUCKY: Our Lieutenant suffered a single gunshot wound, Jethro, to the right temple... GIBBS: Through and through. DUCKY: Yeah. GIBBS: Impacted here. Round's still in the book, Duck. DUCKY: Sadly, one less reader in the world. JIMMY: Who committed suicide. Or maybe she was just cleaning her gun too close to her head. GIBBS: DiNozzo. TONY: NCIS investigates all suicides as homicides until proven otherwise, Palmer. JIMMY: Got it. GIBBS: T.O.D., Duck? DUCKY: Nine, nine thirty this morning. What time was her interview scheduled for today? GIBBS: Ten hundred. ZIVA: Gibbs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - DAY ZIVA: I found it taped underneath the bureau. GIBBS: Hundreds and fifties. Non-sequential. Maybe fifty, sixty grand. TONY: Looks like we found our mole, Boss. Knew she was cornered. No way out. NCIS closing in. ZIVA: She could have run, Tony. Suicide is only for when you know you're going to be captured. TONY: For you, maybe. This doesn't exactly look like the bedroom of a hardcore super secret agent chick. ZIVA: I have stuffed animals. Okay, I was twelve. But still, I mean... GIBBS: She could have been coerced. ZIVA: To be a mole? TONY: He means to kill herself. GIBBS: I mean both, DiNozzo. How many suicides you know make their beds before they off themselves? TONY: Want me to inform Lieutenant Hill's Command about her death, Boss? GIBBS: Nope. TONY: He wants to tell him himself. That way he can gauge the response. GIBBS: DiNozzo. TONY: On your six, Boss. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Get the couch, bookcase, and carpets to Abby. TONY: Oh. On it. GIBBS: McGee! MCGEE: Yeah, Boss? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY (SFX: MCGEE SNEEZES) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGEE CHASES THE CAT) MCGEE: He's really quick, Boss. TONY: (INTO PHONE) All right, I'll hold. McGee, you go that way. I'll go this way. We'll corner the guy. You've got to be very careful with animals. They're... tricky. (SFX: CAT B.G.) GIBBS: Hey! (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAT WALKS INTO THE CARRIER) TONY: Or you can just do that. GIBBS: With me. We're going to the Pentagon. MCGEE: Cryptology unit? GIBBS: I need you to translate. TONY: He needs you to speak the geek for him, McGeekle. GIBBS: DiNozzo, find a home for that thing! (SFX: CAT B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CRYPTO UNIT - DAY (SFX: VOICES B.G.) DORN: Agent Gibbs. I understand you've got an investigation to run, but I'd appreciate a courtesy call before you show up here to interview any more of my people. GIBBS: We're not here to interview your people today, Captain Dorn. DORN: What happened? GIBBS: Lieutenant Hill. DORN: Well, what? She didn't show up for her interview at NCIS today? GIBBS: Nope. DORN: Well, if she's running late, I can tell you there's a good reason. She's one of my-- MCGEE: We know the reason. GIBBS: She's dead. DORN: How? MCGEE: Appears to be suicide. DORN: Let's continue this conversation in my office. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OFFICE - DAY DORN: These... cryptographers. They're not like us. Their lives are by patterns and numbers. To tell you the truth, I don't understand half of it. But they're pretty tightly wound and Lieutenant Hill was no different. GIBBS: You're saying she was suicidal? DORN: I'm saying that she was withdrawn. She was socially awkward, had obsessive-compulsive traits. MCGEE: Well none of that was in her medical record. DORN: No, and it wouldn't be! These people are recruited based on their abilities, and sometimes it's a thin line between genius and... GIBBS: Insanity. DORN: Look, a lot of these people tend to be naturally paranoid, and this mole hunt hasn't helped. My entire section's on edge. GIBBS: They should be. DORN: If there's a leak, I am telling you right now it is not coming from my people. MCGEE: We found sixty thousand dollars hidden in Lieutenant Hill's home. GIBBS: She ended up dead instead of attending the interview she had today. What does that tell you? DORN: (INTO PHONE) Lieutenant Hall? HALL: (FILTERED) Sir? DORN: (INTO PHONE) We are now in lockdown. I want all the work secured and the section restricted to quarters until further notice. HALL: Yes, Sir. (V.O./OVER INTERCOM) Attention! Initiate emergency Plan Alpha. Shut down your systems and secure classified material. When complete, report to your quarters until further notice. DORN: Okay. What now? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY TONY: Hey, buddy. Look what I got! Who found your favorite little carrot toy? Come here. Come here. Here. Yeah. Good kitty. (SFX: CAT MEOWS B.G.) (SFX: CAT SCREECHES/ HISSES) TONY: Yah! (SFX: LAUGHTER) TONY: You think that's funny, Probies? Huh? Did I hear a little chuckle back here in the peanut gallery? Is that it? You want to know how the blood got there? Hm? You think that's funny? I'll tell you how it got there. Garfield over there. We found that animal feasting on this woman's face. Doctor Mallard thinks that this kitty cat is rabid. Me? I'm of the opinion that it's a man eater. He likes the taste of human flesh. It starts with the cheeks. Then it moves to the lips. Soft lips. Then it works on the tongue a little bit until it's just a little nub. A lot of blood in the tongue. Guys, there was blood spewing from this poor woman's maw. Get a kick out of this now? You think this is funny, Chuckle Head. That's what it was feasting on when we found it. It took four tranquilizers and three-- ZIVA: That's very dramatic, Tony. Can we get back to work now? TONY: You heard the lady, probies. And careful with that because it is evidence. (LAUGHS) I never get tired of it. What'd you find out? ZIVA: The neighbors were at work. The woman next door - she was actually there, but she didn't hear anything. TONY: I wish I had a neighbor like that. The old bat that lives next to me complains every time I bring a date home. Want to know why? ZIVA: Shouting of, "No means no!?" TONY: Huh. That's a good one, but not even close. ZIVA: I was actually kidding. TONY: Oh. ZIVA: I have the same problem at my place, Tony. TONY: Really? You have a surround system too? ZIVA: No. I'm what you Americans like to call a screamer, yes? (SFX: ZIVA CHUCKLES) (PHONE RINGS) TONY: Answer it. ZIVA: Well, what do you want me to say? TONY: I don't know. Scream something. HILL: (RECORDED VOICE) This is Lara. Leave a message. BOB: (V.O./FILTERED) Hi, Miss Hill. This is Bob calling with a special offer. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Hello, this is Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. You called a crime scene. We're wiretapping this phone, so please be advised that we will be contacting you at your home. BOB: (V.O./FILTERED) My home? TONY: (INTO PHONE) Anytime day or night. Probably during the weekend, early in the morning. BOB: (V.O./FILTERED) All right. TONY: That was fun. Telemarketers. You can't escape them even when you're dead. ZIVA: Ooh, speaking about escape? TONY: Nobody move! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: To assume is to make an enemy of exactitude, Mister Palmer. JIMMY: Because it makes an ass out of you and me? DUCKY: Is this the best time for an attempt at humor? JIMMY: Um, no. DUCKY: We must strive for excellence, Mister Palmer. Go the extra mile. JIMMY: I understand. DUCKY: Do you now? Oh, that's good. What exactly was your assumption? JIMMY: Well, the Instant Gunshot Residue Test came back positive. DUCKY: Yeah. JIMMY: She had a pistol in her hand. She has a hole in her head. It would seem reasonable to conclude suicide, Sir. DUCKY: There's nothing reasonable about a lovely young girl like this taking her life in such a grotesque fashion. It's true firearms are the most common instrument of suicide. However, women tend to avoid the proximity of the face when pulling the trigger. Vanity, Mister Palmer. Simple vanity. JIMMY: We're not finished with the external exam, are we, Sir? DUCKY: Well, you're not. You're so sure that the cause of death was suicide. Why don't you work out how you would prove it? JIMMY: You want me to... DUCKY: Finish the external exam. Clean, measure - you know, the usual. You think you can do that? JIMMY: Absolutely, Doctor! DUCKY: Then work through the procedure, item by item. Make whatever notes you can. JIMMY: Right. Oh, thank you, Doctor. DUCKY: Have her ready for autopsy two o'clock tomorrow. JIMMY: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: That's why I never had pets. ZIVA: You've never had any pets? TONY: Well, I had sea monkeys once. ZIVA: What's a sea monkey? TONY: Basically brine shrimp swimming around in green water. I know. I thought the same thing. ZIVA: What happened to them? TONY: My mother got their sea castles confused with her mint julep. ZIVA: Your mother drank your monkeys? TONY: It was the seventies. GIBBS: It explains a lot, DiNozzo. GIBBS: Hey boss? I went through Lieutenant Hill's background. ZIVA: Her phone records, credit card bills, personal habits. There's no discernible patterns. TONY: Yet. She's a cryptographer, Ziva. We could be dealing with a real pro here, Boss. GIBBS: Well, DiNozzo, if she was a pro, she wouldn't have killed herself. MCGEE: (V.O.) You should have heard the guy, Abby. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GARAGE - DAY MCGEE: I mean, just because you (ON CAMERA) have an aptitude for math and science, it does not make them some kind of suicidal freak. ABBY: A little higher, McGee. MCGEE: Is that what people think about us? GIBBS: Ask me later, McGee. Oh, this better be work related. ABBY: Oh, it is. And you're just in time for the show and tell portion. McGee, if you will. So Lieutenant Hill sits down on the couch, puts the gun to her head, and bang! I said "bang," McGee. MCGEE: Bang. ABBY: I matched the bullet found in the book to the Kahr nine-millimeter in the victim's hand. Looks like a suicide, right? GIBBS: Except. ABBY: When a weapon is used at this close of range, there's extensive blood splatter from the exit wound. But blow-back also creates a fine mist of blood which lands here. Imperceptible to the human eye, but not to the magic of modern science. You're still dead, McGee. GIBBS: And? ABBY: Two steps away... voila! GIBBS: Footprints. ABBY: Exactly. Which means.... GIBBS: Somebody else was in the room. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT TONY: No evidence of forced entry. No bruises or marks to show that she was forced to pull the trigger or unconscious when she died. All we have is this... the Rorschach test from hell. ZIVA: You believe Abby may be mistaken? TONY: Well, I believe it's going to be tough to prove the suicide was faked when all you got is two partial footprints. ZIVA: She could have been drugged. The killer could have placed the pistol in her hand and pulled the trigger. TONY: The initial tox screens all came back negative. ZIVA: Some narcotics are hard to trace. And as for no evidence of forced entry, we could be dealing with a trained assassin. TONY: Or she knew her killer, Ziva. Probie, it's about time! I'm starving like Lee Marvin! MCGEE: Well, then you shouldn't have sent me for the world's greatest barbecue because I had to wait in line for an hour. TONY: It will be worth it. MCGEE: You're welcome. Hey, Boss. Did you want something too, because, well, it's just that you never order.... I can... I can go back. I'll go back. GIBBS: Sit down. No one has earned dinner yet! ZIVA: I agree, though I doubt this qualifies as dinner. In fact, I'm not even sure what this is. A Sea monkey? TONY: Goat. I'm pretty sure it's kosher. ZIVA: Maybe. But... still disgusting. GIBBS: There is a mole in the Pentagon and our only lead lies dead on a slab in Autopsy. I want answers! MCGEE: Boss? We ran the serial number on the murder weapon found in Hill's apartment. We just got a match. Purchased six months ago by this woman. ZIVA: Lieutenant Keira Napleton? We just... TONY: Interviewed her last week. She's in the same crypto unit as Hill. ZIVA: Looks like we didn't do such a good job. TONY: We'll bring her in. GIBBS: DiNozzo! TONY: We'll bring her in now. We'll eat dinner later. GIBBS: (CHEWING) Good goat. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. INTERROGATION ROOM (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) GIBBS: I'm Special Agent Gibbs. NAPLETON: Keira Nap - I mean, Lieutenant Keira Napleton, Sir. Middle name, IngBall. Family name on my father's side. Most people would find it -- GIBBS: You're not here because of a middle name, Lieutenant. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM ZIVA: This woman is a total turd! (BEAT) A geek, yes? TONY: The term is nerd. ZIVA: Whatever. I'm just saying it's hard to picture her as a killer. TONY: Remember the time that we Super Glued McGeek's face to his desk? ZIVA: (CHUCKLES) Yes. That's a good point. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM NAPLETON: Am I to assume I'm in some form of legal trouble? I only ask because no one has informed me of my Article Thirty One rights yet, Sir. GIBBS: Want me to read them to you? NAPLETON: Actually I have them memorized. GIBBS: Good. That'll save time. NAPLETON: I was interviewed by NCIS, Sir. I am not a... a traitor to my country. GIBBS: Hm? What about her? NAPLETON: You think Lara was the mole? GIBBS: Tell me about her. NAPLETON: Well, she was Catholic, liked to play softball. Her left leg was longer than her right. GIBBS: I'm more interested in her being dead, Lieutenant! NAPLETON: I don't know, Sir. Perhaps she was depressed? GIBBS: Enough to blow her head off? NAPLETON: She... she shot herself?! GIBBS: With this. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM GIBBS: (FILTERED) A Kahr nine millimeter. Yours. What was that doing at her house? NAPLETON: (FILTERED) The real estate market being what it is-- [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM NAPLETON: ... Being what it is and the forecasted projections over the next several-- GIBBS: Lieutenant! NAPLETON: I have orders for Norfolk, Sir. So I sold my townhouse. Lara let me stay with her until I shipped out. GIBBS: Convenient. NAPLETON: Most people would think so, but the commute really wasn't that much better... GIBBS: Meaning, she wasn't alone when the trigger was pulled. NAPLETON: You think I was .... I was there with her? Sir, if I was...I would have stopped her. GIBBS: Where were you? NAPLETON: At... I was at Alphonse's last night. My boyfriend. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM NAPLETON: (FILTERED) I went straight to work from his house. TONY: I don't believe it. ZIVA: She appears to be telling the truth. TONY: No, I mean the part about her having a boyfriend. ZIVA: Oh. TONY: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM GIBBS: I need his number and address. NAPLETON: I would appreciate it if you kept this quiet, Agent Gibbs. My parents... they still think I'm a virgin. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY DORN: How much longer is this going to take, Agent McGee? MCGEE: Ah, hard to say, Captain. Agent Gibbs doesn't like to be interrupted during interrogation. DORN: It's almost zero two in the morning. GIBBS: Oh, we're just getting started here, Skipper. DORN: Agent Gibbs, do you think Lieutenant Napleton's the mole? GIBBS: She's staying here until we check her alibi. DORN: Alibi? For what? GIBBS: It's too soon to say. DORN: Well, we have another problem now. Our security may have been compromised. GIBBS: May have? DORN: After you left today, I conducted a thorough inventory of our section. Every piece of technology was scrutinized. Do you know what this is? MCGEE: Oh, it's... GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Oh, yeah. That's one of those... uh... memory doodah things for a computer. DORN: DORN: Yeah, basically we use it to transfer data between terminals. At the end of the night they're checked in. They're kept in a vault. (CONT.) They never leave the section. I found this today in its proper place. The only problem is... someone took the memory cartridge out. GIBBS: Who has access to the vault? DORN: Two people. Lieutenant Hill and Lieutenant Napleton. GIBBS: What was on it? DORN: Could be anything. It holds over two gigs of information. GIBBS: McGee, bag it. Get a hold of Ziva and Tony. Tell them we're heading out. MCGEE: I got it. Ah, where to, Boss? GIBBS: To look for the other doo-dah that goes inside that one. MCGEE: On it. DORN: Agent Gibbs, this is my fault. I've already offered my resignation to the Admiral. GIBBS: Don't fall on your sword yet, Captain. Like I said, we're just getting started here. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT MCGEE: The flashcard could be anywhere. If you find it, though, try not to touch the contacts. ZIVA: Mossad training does not include food service. (SFX: MCGEE COUGHS) MCGEE: This thing hasn't been cleaned in years. TONY: It's a heating duct, McGee. Nobody cleans heating ducts... except for you guys. ZIVA: Oh, god! It smells like it's been here for a month! MCGEE: That's exactly why I don't have a roommate. GIBBS: Roommates are never a good idea. MCGEE: Did you ever have one, Boss? GIBBS: Three, McGee. They're called wives. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ALL SEARCH THE KITCHEN CABINETS/HOUSE FOR THE CHIP) (PASSAGE OF TIME) (SFX: ZIVA SNORES) GIBBS: Pack up. I found it. It looks like they're putting decoder rings in cereal boxes again. (BEAT) What? TONY: Ah, it's a little before our time, Boss. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ZIVA: Find anything, Abby? ABBY: I pulled a partial print off the flashcard. I'm running it now. Rough night? ZIVA: Is there any other kind with Gibbs? ABBY: It could be worse. It could be Saturday. ZIVA: It is Saturday, Abby. ABBY: See? It just got worse. Thanks. TONY: Do you have any Super Glue, Abs? GIBBS: What did I tell you about that, DiNozzo? TONY: His skin might not grow back. GIBBS: What do we have? ABBY: The partial print didn't match anyone in the crypto unit, so I'm running it through AFIS and other databases. GIBBS: McGee. MCGEE: Uh... I dumped the contents of the flashcard. It's encrypted so we're going to need someone from the crypto section to have access to their codes. GIBBS: Captain Dorn is coming in later. ABBY: Well, not so fast, Gibbs. I got a hit. It's from the Office of Foreign Missions. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Name's Simon Roca. He's the Protocol Officer at the Embassy of Venezuela. ZIVA: He's got an apartment in the Watergate. Been on station since last June. TONY: Well, if Lara Hill was selling code, Roca could be the source of the money we found. TONY: Killed her because he was afraid she wouldn't hold up under questioning. MCGEE: We bringing him in? GIBBS: We can't. MCGEE: Can't? He murdered a Naval Officer, Boss! TONY: He has a license to kill, McGee. ZIVA: He's got full diplomatic immunity. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) What can the State Department do for NCIS at seven thirty on a Saturday, Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: I've got a dead Naval Officer who might be a mole. Evidence connects her to a foreign diplomat. LEVINSON: What country? GIBBS: Venezuela. His name is Simon Roca. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Bad choice. Pick another. GIBBS: I want to question him. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) You are aware of our current relations with Venezuela. GIBBS: They are about to get worse. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) They've already accused us of meddling in their internal affairs. The Venezuelan Petroleum Minister has threatened to cut off future oil shipments and to close their refineries in the U.S. GIBBS: Sounds like a real headache. What time can I question him? LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) The man has diplomatic immunity, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: The man's a foreign intelligence officer who murdered a Navy Lieutenant. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) You have proof of this? GIBBS: Her death was made to look like a suicide. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Meaning you can't prove it. GIBBS: His prints were found on classified Pentagon hardware recovered from the dead woman's home. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) The Vienna Convention exists for a reason, Agent Gibbs. If you can prove he committed murder, I mean, prove. GIBBS: By the time I prove it, Roca will have left the country. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Then we take your proof to the Secretary, and if she signs off on it? We then ask Venezuelan Foreign Mission to waive his immunity. Not very likely. GIBBS: And he walks for murder? LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) I don't make the rules, Agent Gibbs. I do, however, expect you to follow them. Until we give you permission, you can't question Roca. Where's he going? Gibbs! Gibbs! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION) MCGEE: Hey, Boss! TONY: Nice try, Probie. Power nap, Boss. Doorman at the Watergate hasn't seen Roca for the past two days. He's probably holed up inside their embassy. GIBBS: Take Ziva. Find out. You can't question him. TONY: Gonna be awful hard to get answers if I can't ask questions. GIBBS: DiNozzo, if it was easy, I would send Joe the Janitor. ZIVA: Customs hasn't checked his passport in the last twenty four hours. He's most likely still in country. MCGEE: Not for long. The Venezuelan Embassy booked a private jet this morning out of Loudoun County Airport. GIBBS: (BEAT) To leave when, McGee? MCGEE: Sorry. Ah, today. Simon Roca's name is listed as a passenger. GIBBS: We need to tie Roca to Lieutenant Hill's murder before he boards that plane. Go! Go! How do we prove the Lieutenant's death wasn't a suicide? ABBY: In a day? GIBBS: Abby, I think she was unconscious when it happened. ABBY: If Ducky can examine the brain tissue and send me a sample, I might be able to prove that. GIBBS: Yeah, do it. ABBY: Um... Ducky doesn't get in until noon. Do you want me to call him or do you want the pleasure? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SEDAN - DAY ZIVA: You know, I've been thinking, Tony. Remember when we were locked in that container and you told me you used to take piano lessons? Well, I think you should start again. I could teach you. Who knows, maybe it could be fun. Tony! Ha. But I'm sure you'd make a lousy student anyway. TONY: (BEAT) Do it and die, Amadeus. ZIVA: I thought you were asleep. TONY: You thought wrong. I was meditating. ZIVA: About? TONY: When you said you were a screamer, you did mean... ZIVA: I did. Ooh, we've got company. (SFX: KNOCK ON WINDOW) LYON: This is a restricted zone. You can't park here. TONY: NCIS. We are looking for Venezuelan Protocol Officer Simon Roca. LYON: Ah, Don Juan. We give them nicknames. Helps relieve the boredom. People seem to think Secret Service is like Clint Eastwood, protecting the President. TONY: Yeah, in the Line of Fire. It's a good movie. LYON: Yeah, I wish it were that exciting. How do you like NCIS? TONY: It has its moments. LYON: Good hours? ZIVA: You asked on the wrong day. Is Roca in or not? LYON: As a matter of fact, he is, which is unusual. TONY: Why is that? LYON: I've been here over a year, Don Juan's never spent the night before. Day guy logged him in at eleven sixteen a.m. yesterday. TONY: Looks pretty refreshed to me. ZIVA: (V.O.) Who is that with him? LYON: That's Don Juan's driver. Looks like they're getting ready to go for a ride. TONY: All right, thanks. LYON: (V.O.) You bet. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Hey, Boss. Roca's inside the embassy.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Looks like he's taking sanctuary until his flight. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Stay on station and set up a video link to MTAC. I want to know when he moves. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) On it. (TO ZIVA) You weren't planning on sleeping, were you?(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) ZIVA: Not unless you're planning on taking a shower anytime soon. TONY: What's that supposed to mean? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY JIMMY: I don't know about this, Abby. Doctor Mallard won't even let me sit in his chair without supervision. ABBY: That's because you mess with the height adjustments, Jimmy. You... can... do this. JIMMY: This is not a good idea. ABBY: We don't have time to wait for Ducky on this, okay? What comes first? The saw? JIMMY: Careful, okay? These are all in a very specific order. ABBY: Stop being so Palmer, Jimmy. JIMMY: All right. I will need a scalpel. ABBY: Jimmy, are you really going to do this, or am I? JIMMY: I'll do it. DUCKY: What exactly are you two doing? JIMMY: Oh, Doctor Mallard! I uh... um... the thing is, I... she made me do it! DUCKY: Well, everything seems to be in order. Why don't you begin, Mister Palmer, while I get changed? JIMMY: You're... you're not mad? DUCKY: Work cannot stop, Mister Palmer, because my mother's nurse elects to abandon us on a Saturday morning. I applaud your initiative. ABBY: So what'd you do with your mom? VICTORIA: Donald! You promised me we were going for a ride!(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: We did go for a ride, Mother. VICTORIA: Oh, well very well. You drive too fast, Donald. Is that our housekeeper? DUCKY: Mother, Mrs. Leary left for Ireland ten years ago. JIMMY: Hello, Mrs. Mallard! VICTORIA: Oh. Ask the boy to pour me a drink. DUCKY: We're not at home, Mother. And Jimmy is not a servant. VICTORIA: Very well. I shall do it myself. DUCKY: Abby, would you do me a favor? I mean, just until we finish? VICTORIA: Oh, have you seen.... ABBY: Of course. Mrs. Mallard? Would you like to see my mass spectrometer? VICTORIA: What a charming young lady. Of course I would, my dear. What is a mass speedometer? Does it move very fast? ABBY: Well...(SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SEDAN - DAY TONY: Can I ask you a question? ZIVA: Yes. TONY: You really think I smell? ZIVA: I was just kidding. (SFX: FLATULENCE) TONY: What about now? ZIVA: You are disgusting. You do that again and I'll shoot you. Got it? Oh! TONY: Start the car. ZIVA: What good is that going to do when you're still in it?! (SFX: CAR ENGINE STARTS) TONY: It's Roca's car. ZIVA: (INTO RADIO) Gibbs, Roca's leaving. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY MCGEE: Boss, the private jet he booked is refueled and standing by. The diplomat's car's considered foreign soil. It's as sovereign as the embassy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - DAY TONY: What do we do? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY GIBBS: Delay him. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING TONY: Okay, here we go.(SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY VICTORIA: Hippopotamus amphibious. The river horse. I once swam with them while I was on safari in Kenya. Oh, dear. My apologies. (SFX: FLATULENCE) ABBY: Oh, no. That's Bert, the hippo. He's supposed to do that. VICTORIA: Really? How delightful! Reminds me of my bagpipe-playing days. Did you know that without those longshoremen tattoos and that dog collar, you are the exact spitting image of my sister Gloria?(SFX: FLATULENCE) ABBY: Thank you. VICTORIA: I hated her. She once tried to sleep with my late husband while he was still alive. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: Mother! I'm sure Abigail doesn't want to hear any more of our family troubles. ABBY: It's fine, Ducky. We're having a good time. DUCKY: Brain tissue. I need a full rundown on that. VICTORIA: Donald, did you sleep with her? DUCKY: Mother, please! VICTORIA: Honestly, it's about time I had some grandchildren. He isn't getting any younger. You need to move fast. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SEDAN - MOVING TONY: How exactly does Gibbs expect us to delay him? ZIVA: I have a plan. Buckle your seatbelt. TONY: What? ZIVA: Buckle. (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: TIRES SCREECH) TONY: Come on, look out! Look out! Look out! (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: CAR CRASH) ZIVA: (IN HEBREW) I'm really sorry. It's all my fault. ZIVA: (IN HEBREW) I'm really sorry. It's all my fault. (ZIVA AND TONY LOOK INSIDE THE CAR) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. MTAC - DAY MCGEE: Boss, this was recorded five minutes ago. It looks like Roca managed to avoid Tony and Ziva. GIBBS: You think, McGee? MCGEE: His plane is scheduled to depart within the hour. I guess we can't win them all. I mean, he-- GIBBS: The plane hasn't left yet. Delay it. MCGEE: How exactly? GIBBS: Call the control tower. Tell them there's a possible security risk, make something up! MCGEE: Can we do that? GIBBS: I don't know, McGee! Can you? TECHNICIAN: Feed from the State Department is coming in, Sir. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) What the hell were your people thinking, Agent Gibbs? That was a diplomatic vehicle they rammed. GIBBS: You told us that we couldn't question Roca. He wasn't in the vehicle. What's the problem? LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) You don't understand the implications this'll-- GIBBS: Are you worried about insurance? NCIS has excellent coverage. LEVINSON: You're straining an already tenuous situation... GIBBS: We both know that Roca is no diplomat. He's a foreign spy operating on American soil. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Then prove it! GIBBS: Give me permission to take him into custody. If it helps, tell your people that he may have documents vital to our national security. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) All right. I'm going to start the paperwork from this end. GIBBS: How long? LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) If I fast track the request... maybe a week. MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Thank you very much. (TO GIBBS) Okay, I called the control tower, convinced them to re-screen all the passengers. It's uh... a small airport. It'll delay them an hour or two at the most. GIBBS: Roca is on a private jet right now. He's leaving the country. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Well, then the best I can do is lodge a formal complaint with the embassy and bar him from returning to the States. GIBBS: He's not coming back, Levinson! He is getting away with murder. (SFX: WARNING HORNS/BUZZERS B.G.) TECHNICIAN: Someone's trying to gain access into MTAC with an unauthorized code, Sir! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. CORRIDOR - DAY GIBBS: Hello? VICTORIA: This thing must be broken. I can't see anyone dancing in there. TECHNICIAN: Sir? GIBBS: We're clear. It's okay. TECHNICIAN: Should I get State back? (KNOCK ON DOOR) GIBBS: For what? Ah, Mrs. Mallard, are you looking for your son? VICTORIA: Young man, have we met before? GIBBS: Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Ma'am. VICTORIA: Of the Southampton Gibbses? GIBBS: Why don't we see if we can't find Doctor Mallard, all right? VICTORIA: You're very handsome, Matthew. Are you... are you married?(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY JIMMY: I'm so sorry, Doctor Mallard. I just turned my back for a second. DUCKY: Not to worry, Jimmy. I lose her all the time. JIMMY: She's really fast for her age. DUCKY: Yes, I'll call security. (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN) VICTORIA: (V.O.) Yes, you may find it hard to believe, (ON CAMERA) but Donald was the cutest child. He had long, curly blond hair. Everybody thought he was a girl until he was twelve... when his voice changed. DUCKY: Mister Palmer, will you chain my mother to the chair while I tell Agent Gibbs what I found? VICTORIA: I'm still waiting for that drink, Leonard! DUCKY: I'm certain the shot to Lieutenant Hill's head was peri-mortem based on the lack of tissue reaction in her brain. When she was shot, she was unconscious. GIBBS: How'd she get that way? DUCKY: This is the Lieutenant's head and neck. The left superior carotid artery is narrowed. Restricted blood flow. GIBBS: Choke-hold. DUCKY: Slight pressure for ten seconds will render a victim unconscious and leaves no external bruising. I gave Abby some brain tissue samples to check for CO two levels. GIBBS: Any way to tie Roca to it? DUCKY: Well, he didn't leave any prints on her skin. There's a chance that some of the samples we took from her body could have his DNA. But then we don't have his DNA for comparison. And with diplomatic immunity? GIBBS: His plane leaves in two hours. Find me something. VICTORIA: Matthew, I'll be expecting your call. I can't remember my number, but you'll get it from Donald. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY MCGEE: I've tried everything. DORN: Yeah, it's encrypted, and we change the codes everyday. Can you extract anything that looks like a date? MCGEE: I can try. DORN: You know, Lieutenant Hill could barely drive her own car. I find it hard to believe that she could be a mole. MCGEE: That's probably why she was so successful at it. DORN: Yeah. Not exactly the way I wanted to end my Naval career. Asleep at the damn switch. GIBBS: What was on that do-dad thing? MCGEE: Can't tell yet, Boss. DORN: I need to get one of my people down here to decode it. Are you still holding Lieutenant Napleton? GIBBS: Yeah. DORN: Well, if you've cleared her, I could sure use her help. What? Do you think she's involved? GIBBS: We're investigating treason, Skipper. Right now I suspect everyone. DORN: Well, if Hill wasn't the mole, why'd she blow her brains out? GIBBS: She didn't. She had help. We found a fingerprint on that flash chip thing. Probably the person who did it. DORN: Napleton? TONY: The Protocol Officer from the Venezuelan embassy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: Before you ask? No, I haven't found any physical evidence linking Simon Roca to the Lieutenant's murder yet. GIBBS: That can wait, Abs. I need you to do something else for me. It'll only take a few minutes. ABBY: I could go faster if I had another one of these. GIBBS: Too much caffeine is not good for you, Abby. I need you to check this cereal box for GSR. ABBY: Why? GIBBS: Because I don't think Lieutenant Hill put the chip in there. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: I'm begging you, please. TONY: No. No way. I don't care how nice you are, how much you bribe me, or how much you threaten me. I'm not filling out the paperwork. ZIVA: It's not the filing of the accident report I object to. I'd prefer if you said you were driving the car. TONY: Well, that would be lying, and lying is bad. ZIVA: (SHOUTS) Will you just listen to me!? TONY: (BEAT) I'm listening. ZIVA: You're right. I'm sorry. I've been at NCIS for a short while. And it would look very bad to have another accident in my dossier. TONY: Another accident? ZIVA: I've had some... difficulties. TONY: Some indicates more than one. How many? ZIVA: Is that really important? (BEAT) Three. But the second was not my fault. Now are you going to help me? Yes or no? TONY: Well, that depends. What's in it for me? ZIVA: Hm. (LONG BEAT) Anything you want. TONY: Anything? GIBBS: Hey! Button your shirt. TONY: Hey boss, she came into my space and then she... GIBBS: (OVERLAP) I don't care. Roca's at the damn airport. TONY: Yeah, that's my fault, Boss. I take full responsibility. I shouldn't have let Ziva drive. GIBBS: It doesn't fit. TONY: I know. I talked to my tailor about that. He says the double pointed bespoke tailoring is... but you mean Simon Roca. GIBBS: He's got diplomatic immunity, DiNozzo. He knows we can't stop him from leaving this country. ZIVA: So why the shell game with his car? In fact, how did he even know we were on to him? (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. On my way. (GIBBS HITS TONY) TONY: What was that for? GIBBS: Blackmailing your partner. MCGEE: Boss, the flashcard data is too corrupted to read. DORN: I'm going to take a copy back to the Pentagon and have my people-- GIBBS: It's too late. Our "person of interest" just got clearance for take off. You want to see the guy who killed your Lieutenant get away? Come on. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS WALKS TO THE STAIRS) ABBY: Gibbs, come here! You were right! GIBBS: DiNozzo! David! McGee! You waiting for an invitation? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY DORN: Just like that? He gets a free pass? MCGEE: When a foreign diplomat is accused of espionage, all we can do is ask him to leave the country. GIBBS: Roca's doing it on his own. DORN: Yeah, but if he could walk at any time, why did he murder my Lieutenant? ZIVA: Without her testimony? Hard to prove a case against him. DORN: So ... so that's it? There's nothing we can do? GIBBS: No, I didn't say that, Skip. We can still arrest her murderer. Outside of my team, only two people know how Lieutenant Hill died. Napleton and the person who killed her. How'd you know she shot herself? DORN: Uh... uh... Napleton told me. GIBBS: No, she's been in isolation since she found out. MCGEE: And you were the one who told us about the missing flashcard. ZIVA: The only thing tying Roca to the case? Convenient, yes? TONY: Holing up inside the embassy, huh? Booking private planes? You wanted us to focus on Roca. DORN: But Lieutenant Hill stole that flashcard! GIBBS: There was gunshot residue on the outside of the cereal box we found it in. The flashcard was put there by the killer after he shot her. She was framed. DORN: No. Napleton. Napleton could have-- GIBBS: Her alibi checked out, Dorn. ZIVA: I'm impressed. The diplomat takes the blame. We get our mole. And your cover remains intact, Captain. I'll have to remember that one. TONY: You could just rent No Way Out. GIBBS: I'll take it from here. You three go home. Get some rest. Good job. (TO DORN) That resignation you offered the Admiral earlier, I've got a feeling he's going to accept it. (FADE OUT)
doc_199	Scene: The Cafeteria Sheldon: It's not what it looks like. It's not what it looks like. Leonard: What are you grinding about? Sheldon: Penny's brain teaser this morning. She and Koothrappali emerge from your bedroom. She is dishevelled, and Raj is dressed only in a sheet. The sole clue, it's not what it looks like. Leonard: Just let it go, Sheldon. Sheldon: If I could, I would, but I can't, so I shan't. Now, knowing Penny, the obvious answer is, they engaged in coitus. But, since that's what it looked like, we can rule that out. Let's put on our thinking cap, shall we? (Mimes doing so) Raj is from India, a tropical country. Third World hygiene. Parasitic infections are common, such as pinworms. Mm-hmm. The procedure for diagnosing pinworms is to wait until the subject is asleep, and the worms crawl out of the rectum for air. (Leonard spits out food) Yes, just like that. Penny could have been inspecting Raj's a*l region for parasites. Oh, boy. That's a true blue friend. Leonard: They slept together, Sherlock. Sheldon: No, you weren't listening. She said, it's not what it looks like. Leonard: She lied. Sheldon: Oh. Well don't I look silly sitting here wearing this? Credits sequence. Scene: The Cafeteria Howard: Hey. Raj: Hey. Leonard: Hey. Sheldon: Hey. Leonard, is it awkward for you knowing that one of your dear friends had sexual intercourse with a woman you used to love in the very place you lay your head? Leonard: No, I'm fine with it. Sheldon: That sounds like sarcasm, but I'm going to disregard it, because I have an agenda. Paintball. Specifically, the interdepartmental tournament this weekend. Now, in order to function better as a fighting unit, I thought we should establish a chain of command. Now, it goes without saying that I would outrank the three of you, but the question remains, by how much? Now, I don't see me as some four-star general, back at HQ riding a desk and playing golf with the Secretary of Defence. But I also can't be Sergeant Cooper, because that might lead you to think of me as just a regular Joe. This might take some thought. As you were. Leonard: What the hell is wrong with you? Howard: Yeah, how could you do that? Raj: What is it to you? Howard: I got his back. Raj: Yeah, right. You're just jealous because it turns out I'm Penny's number two choice after Leonard. Howard: Hey, if I wasn't engaged to Bernadette, that totally could have been me. Leonard: Please. Sheldon would have been before you, and he might not even have genitals. Raj: Why do you care so much? You're dating my sister, and Penny and I are in love. Leonard and Howard together: What? Sheldon: Gentlemen, if I may interject, I've decided my rank will be captain. If it's good enough for Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo, it's good enough for me. Howard: You're not in love with Penny. Raj: Yes, I am. The god Kamadeva has shot us with his flowery arrows of love. Howard: Who? Raj: He's the Hindu version of Cupid, but way better, because he rides a giant parrot. Leonard: Raj, come on. You fall in love with any girl who smiles at you. A month ago, you were writing poems about his fiancee. Howard: I'm sorry. What? Raj: Rubbish. He's talking rubbish. Leonard: Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet. Raj: That could have been about anyone. Besides, you have nothing to worry about, because now I'm the dusky half of Koothrapenny. Sheldon: For the record, I do have genitals. They're functional and aesthetically pleasing. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny has a bottle of wine. She can't find a glass. Finds a measuring jug and uses that instead. There is a knock on the door. Penny: Coming. Yup, that's good. Wine glasses should have handles. Amy: Keeping accurate track of your alcohol intake. Smart idea considering how trampy you get when you've had a few. Penny: You heard what I did? Amy: Well, I heard who you did. Penny: Oh, my God, I screwed up everything. I hurt Leonard, I hurt Raj, I mean, what is wrong with me? I feel like two totally different people, Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Whore. Amy: Don't be so hard on yourself. Do you know the story of Catherine the Great? Penny: No. Amy: She ruled Russia in the late seventeen hundreds, and one night, when she was feeling particularly randy, she used an intricate system of pulleys to have intimate relations with a horse. Penny: I'm... I'm sorry. What does this have to do with me? Amy: She engaged in interspecies hanky-panky, and people still call her great. I'm sure your reputation can survive you shagging a little Indian boy. Scene: Raj's apartment. There is a knock on the door. He opens it. Bernadette: You jerk face! What did you tell Howard? Did you say there was something going on between us? Because he thinks there is. He's completely freaking out! Raj: Please, come in. Bernadette: What the hell is wrong with you? Raj: Well, you were always so nice to me, I thought maybe you liked me. Bernadette: I'm nice to everyone. Raj: I'm sorry. Bernadette: Damn right, you're sorry. And you tell Howard there's never been anything between us. Raj: I will. Hey, Bernadette? Bernadette: What?! Raj: Do you think I have a shot with Penny? Bernadette: Of course you do. You're a cutie pie. Any girl would be lucky to have you. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: You know, I've done this before. In kindergarten, I was supposed to marry Jason Sorensen at recess, but by the time my class got out there, he was already engaged to Chelsea Himmelfarb. So what did I do? Hung upside down from the monkey bars, let all the boys see my underpants. Amy: You can't blame yourself. When your prefrontal cortex fails to make you happy, promiscuity rewards you with the needed flood of dopamine. We neurobiologists refer to this as the skank reflex. Penny: You know what? Let's get out of here. Amy: Where are we going? Penny: Somewhere where no one's seen me naked. We may have to drive awhile. (Opens door. Sees Leonard and Sheldon. Slams it shut again.) Sheldon: Subtlety isn't her strong suit, is it? Penny: Can I stay at your place for a few nights? Amy: Really? A best friend sleepover? Yay. Penny: Yeah, sure. Yay! Amy: We'll make popcorn, stay up all night and I'll teach you my secret language, Op. Penny: Sounds great. Amy: Nope. Sounds Gop Rop E A Top. Penny: Yeah, I'm gonna go pack a bag. Amy: No, you're not. You're gonna Pop A Cop Kop A Bop A Gop. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Do we really have to wear this camouflage crap to play paintball? Sheldon: Who said that? Leonard, I can hear your voice, but I can't see you. Leonard: I'm not in the mood, Sheldon. Sheldon: Oh, there you are. Leonard, I know you're upset about recent events, and I have someone here to help. (Showing laptop screen) Leonard: I don't want to talk to Amy. Sheldon: No, it's not Amy. Dr Hofstadter: Hello, dear. Leonard: You called my mother? Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, is it really necessary to caption the obvious? Dr Hofstadter: He's been like that since he was a toddler. Look, Mommy, a butterfly. Maddening. Leonard: What's going on? What do you want? Dr Hofstadter: Sheldon informed me that you're experiencing an emotional upheaval, and I'm here to help. Leonard: That's so nice. Dr Hofstadter: And we're back to the obvious. Now, what's up? Leonard: Well, uh, okay, um, I don't want to get back together with Penny. We tried it, it was crazy, it didn't work, but I can't deal with the fact that she slept with my friend Raj. And then I find out that Raj's sister Priya, who I've been going out with for eight months, is moving back to India. So I'm just completely confused and alone. Dr Hofstadter: I understand. Leonard: Got any advice? Dr Hofstadter: Yes. Buck up. Leonard: Excuse me. You're a world-renowned expert in parenting and child development, and all you've got is buck up? Dr Hofstadter: Sorry. Buck up, sissy pants. Leonard: Thanks, Mother. I feel much better. Dr Hofstadter: If you need any more help from me, my books are available on Amazon. Logging off. Scene: Amy's apartment. Amy is brushing Penny's hair. Amy: Ninety-nine, one hundred. It's like a waterfall of liquid gold. My turn. Penny: You know, I don't even know what the point of me staying in L.A. is. I haven't gotten a single acting job since I moved out here. The closest I came was last month, I got a callback for a hemorrhoid commercial. Amy: Oh, I could so see you being the face of haemorrhoids. Penny: I know, right? Maybe I should just move back to Nebraska. Amy: No, I can't let you do that. Penny: Why not? (There is a knock on the door) Amy: For the first time ever, I have a thriving social life. And no pressure, but it kind of lives and dies with you. Raj: Hi, Amy. Can I talk to Penny? Amy: A guest in my trundle bed and a boy at my door? I wish I could tell 13-year-old me it does get better. Penny: How did you know I was here? Raj: It's all over her Facebook page. Amy: I'll take your stuff to the bedroom and clear out a drawer. Penny: Thanks. Amy: No problem. Try and keep it in your pants, okay? Penny: So, hi. What's up? Raj: I was wondering if you're free Friday. They're having a Totally '80s Night at the Greek. Hall & Oates, Katrina and the Waves and three-fifths of Kajagoogoo. Penny: Oh. Gee, that's really sweet, but the thing is... Raj: Aw, there's a thing. Penny: Look, honey, I was really drunk and made a huge mistake last night. We should've never slept together. It's what ruins friendships. Raj: You can't ruin a friendship with sx. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles. Penny: Come here. Just listen to me. I want to go back to the way we were before. You know, friends. No sprinkles. Raj: Oh. All right. Penny: Thank you. Raj: Well, uh, as your friend, you might like to know that, um, we didn't have s*x in the conventional sense. Penny: Oh, God. Did you pull some weird Indian crap on me? Raj: No, no. After we got undressed and jumped in bed, you, you asked if I had protection. Penny: Oh, you did, didn't you? Raj: Of course. I'm always packing. Anyway, um, I had trouble putting it on and you tried to help and, that was all she wrote. Penny: So, we didn't actually... Raj: I did. It was beautiful. Penny: Oh! Raj: Penny, please, please promise me you won't tell anybody about this. Penny: Of course I won't. No, I won't. Raj: Oh, good. Um, can I tell people that our love burned too bright and too quickly? Kind of a Candle in the Wind deal? Penny: Sure. Raj: Cool. Can I say it fell apart because you were all, I want to have your babies, and I was like, I'm too rock and roll to be tied down? Penny: No. Raj: Can I say I ruined you for white men? Penny: Also no. Raj: Okay, just the candle thing. Penny: Yeah. Raj: Cool. All right friend. Penny: Hmm. Raj: I'll see you around. Penny: Okay. Raj, wait. Thank you for being my friend. (She hugs him.) Raj: Penny? Penny: Mm-hmm? Raj: It's getting beautiful again. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: A shed on the paintball range. Sheldon: All right, this is a Google Earth view of the field of battle. Howard: I don't see anything. Sheldon: Give it a second to load. Whenever you're ready, AT&T! Okay, here we go. This is us here. To the south is Professor Loomis and the Geology Department. According to their Twitter feed, they're out of sunblock, which means they'll have to hug the tree line or risk melanoma. That's our edge. All we have to do is move quickly over this ridge, the rock-worshipping pasty-faced bastards won't know what hit them. All right, let's move out. Leonard: Hang on, Sheldon. How could you not tell me your sister was moving back to India? Howard: Maybe he was too busy writing clumsy pen1s metaphors about my fiancee. Raj: Screw you. That was a beautifully written pen1s metaphor. Leonard: You know what, guys, I'm not in the mood for paintball. What do you say we just bag it? Howard: Fine with me. Raj: Sure, whatever. Sheldon: You can't quit. That's a court-martial offence. That's punishable by... You can't quit. Leonard: Sorry, Sheldon, it's just not a good time for playing games. Sheldon: This is a game to you? Uh, was the Battle of Antietam a game? Huh? Was the sack of Rome a game? Leonard: Yes, no and no. Sheldon: Wait. I just want you all to know that I forgive you. This mutiny isn't your fault, it's mine. I haven't earned these bars. Although what I lack in leadership, apparently I more than make up for in sewing. Howard: Let it go, Sheldon. I'll get you a Jamba Juice on the way home. Sheldon: No. Jamba Juice is for heroes. And that's what we're going to be. Leonard: What are you doing? Sheldon: Following in the footsteps of Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo. (Walks outside) Geology isn't a real science! (Gets hit by countless paintball pellets) Howard: Damn those sons of bitches! Leonard: Let's get 'em! Sheldon: If there's ever a Church of Sheldon, this will be when it started. Ow! Scene: The apartment. Leonard: I'd like to propose a toast to the man whose noble sacrifice inspired our victory, Captain Sheldon Cooper. Howard and Raj: Here, here. Sheldon: Excuse me. It's Major Sheldon Cooper. With my last breath, I awarded myself a battlefield promotion. It's kind of a big deal. Penny: Hi. You guys have a minute? Leonard: Uh, yeah, sure. Penny: Okay. Um. Well, I already talked to Raj, but I wanted to apologize to the rest of you for, you know, everything. Raj: Please, Penny, let me. We've decided to let our crazy, wonderful night together be just one of those memories you have and can call to mind when you're feeling blue or you're in the shower. Penny: Hey, what you doing, Quick Draw? Raj: Sorry. Go on. Penny: Anyways, I wanted you guys all to know that I've been taking a really hard look at things and come to the conclusion I have to stop kidding myself. I suck at acting. It's time for me to move back to Nebraska. Leonard: You're leaving? Penny: Yeah. Howard: What are you going to do in Nebraska? Penny: I don't know, maybe teach acting. (Phone rings) Oh, sorry. Hold on. Hello? Leonard: Penny, Penny, listen, I hope you're not doing this 'cause of you and me, because I have a girlfriend, and you're a single woman. Penny: Shh! It's my agent, it's my agent. You're kidding. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe it! Really? Oh, I'm so excited, thank you, thank you so much. Okay, bye. I got the haemorrhoid commercial! I start Monday. Sheldon: What about Nebraska? Penny: Oh, hell with Nebraska. I'm gonna be a star! Sheldon (to Leonard): Have you ever thought of teaching physics? Scene: The apartment. Penny's ad is on the television. She is at a stables. Actress: Ready to ride? Penny (on screen): I don't think so, Mom. Not today. Actress: Oh, sweetie. Haemorrhoids acting up again? Penny (on screen): You don't know the half of it. Actress: Oh, yes, I do. Try a dab of this. Penny (on screen): Rose-scented Preparation-H for women? Actress: Now, the H is for Her. Leonard: I'm proud of you. Penny: Shh! Here comes my joke. Actress: How are you doing? Penny (on screen): Sittin' pretty.

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