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corpus · 336 rows

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doc_200	Principal vg1n here don't let the name fool you. I'm very much in charge reminding you that tonight is our annual flu season dance. I don't know how many times I have to say this, but if you have the flu, stay home. Hey. The flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration. Morty: [sighs] you don't bring dead babies to passover. Morty: Okay. Here we go. H-hey, Jessica. Uh... what's up, Morty? [Sneezes] What are you doing? Morty: Um... wait, wait. Were you about to talk... to her? Morty: Well... I mean, I was thinking about it. Dude, stay in your league. Look at how hot she is. You don't see me going to a bigger school in a wealthier district and hitting on their prettiest girl. Gee, thanks, brad. I throw balls far. You want good words? Date a languager. Jerry: Try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after brad's out of shape. Morty: [sighing] you're missing the point, dad. I don't want girls. I want Jessica. Jerry: Ah, well, I remember feeling that way about a young lady named "your mom," and that's not an urban diss. Your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her. I thought Rick: "i should get her pregnant, and then she'll have to marry me." Jerry: I beg your pardon, Rick inappropriate. Rick: Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school. I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty. His marriage is hanging from a thread. Jerry: My marriage is fine, thank you. Rick: Jerry, it's your house whatever you say it is is how it is but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care, and even inoticed. Morty: Come on, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that. Rick: Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science. [Slurps] Morty: All right, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance. Jerry: Yeah, I'm just going to... check on your mom. Rick: Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great. Morty: Hey, listen, Rick. Y-y-you know how you said that, you know, love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinking, you know, w-w could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing? You know, like, maybe make some sort of love potion or something? Rick: Morty, that's such a poor use of my time. It's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver. Morty: You know what? No, Rick! I'm not gonna hand you the screwdriver. I-I'm not gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick! I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. W-w-w-w-w-what about me, Rick? W-w-w-w-why can't you just help me out once once for once? Rick: [groans] you're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass. [Clears throat] Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. Do you know what a vole is, Morty? You know what a vole is? It's a it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. This is the chemical released in a mammal's brain, you know, that makes it fall in love. All right, Morty, I just got to [burps] combine it with some of your dna. Morty: Oh, well, okay. [Zipper opens] Rick: A hair, Morty. I need one of your hairs. This isn't "game of thrones." Morty: Ow! Rick: All right, Morty. Whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Are you happy now, Morty? Morty: Heck, yeah! Thank you, grandpa Rick. Hey, there's no... dangers or anything, or side effects, right? Rick: W-w-w-what am i, a hack? Go nuts, Morty. It's foolproof. Eh, unless she has the flu. Jerry: Beth, do y-you still love me? Beth: Ugh, what kind of question is that? Jerry: The "yes or no" kind? [Laughs nervously] Beth: Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes? Jerry: Yes. Beth: Are you gonna build them? Jerry: No. Beth: Then what good was the "yes"? Jerry: Wait, i-is loving me the house or the homeless people? Beth: Loving you is work, Jerry hard work, like building a homeless shelter nobody wants to say no to doing it, but some people put the work in. So, what do you say? Do you see me working here? Does this conversation seem tedious to me? Jerry: Sort of. Beth: Then I obviously sort of love you, don't I? [Cellphone chimes] So stop asking, and maybe I'll love you more. Crap, they need me at the horse hospital. Jerry: Puh! This late? Beth: The racetrack had a starlight derby. There was a seven-horse collision, and davin's there alone. Jerry: [thinking] Davin. Davin. Davin! Davin. Davin! Davin! Davin! Davin! [Rapping] ♪ flu, yo ♪ ♪ you got to be aware ♪ ♪ aware of all the flu ♪ ♪ up in the air ♪ ♪ I'm-a get me a shot ♪ ♪ and make the flu go away ♪ ♪ flu-hating rapper ♪ ♪ just rapping away ♪ ♪ yo, yo, flu-hating rapper ♪ ♪ it's a flu-hating rapper ♪ Morty: Hey, there, Jessica. Whoa! Oh, whoopsie! Oh, my god. Morty. You look really nice tonight. Morty: Wow, thanks. I love you, Morty! I love you so much it burns! Morty: Oh, man! I-i love you too, Jessica! [Spits] is this punk bothering you, Jessica? Leave him alone, jerk! I'm in love with him! He is more man than you will ever be! [Sneezes] [rapping] ♪ this is about flu awareness ♪ ♪ got to be aware of the flu in the air-ness ♪ ♪ yo, I'm a flu-hating rapper ♪ ♪ oh, man, Morty. ♪ [Sighs] I'm really sorry. Morty: Oh, well, n-no problem, brad. There's something special about you, Morty so special. Mmm, yeah. Morty: Whoa, take it easy! Get your hands off of him! Back off! I'm trying to be with my man! That's enough, bradley! We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm. Oh, come on, principal vg1n. I just... never leave me, Morty. Never! Morty: Uh, sure. I mean, o-of course not. W-what do you think that was all about? Who cares? Just hold me. Let me go! I love you, Morty! [Sneezes] let go of me! [Sneezes] Morty! Jerry: She's gonna be alone with that guy all night. Summer: Yeah, dad, digging around the insides of horses. It's not a very romantic setting. Rick: Well, Summer, there's always the possibility that she made the whole work thing up. Maybe davin's digging around in herinsides. Summer: Grandpa, so gross! You're talking about my mom. Rick: Well, she's my daughter, Summer. I outrank you. Or family means nothing, in which case don't play that card. Jerry: She's not responding to my texts! Summer: Careful, dad. Jealousy turns women off. Jerry: Well, isn't that convenient? Rick: Not for the men they cheat on, no. Jerry: Okay, I'm... going to go out... for some ice cream. And maybe stop by the hospital... to support my wife... with my confidence. [Door closes] Summer: God, grandpa, you're such a dick. Rick: I'm sorry, Summer. Your opinion means very little to me. How come you're not at this stupid dance everyone loves so much? Summer: Screw that. I don't want to get sick. It's flu season. Rick: It is? Summer: Yeah. Rick: Uh-oh. [Hip-hop music plays] Morty: Please just let this work out. [Moans] Do it, Morty. Do it. Rip my clothes off and mate with me for life! [Growls] Morty: Um... can we maybe go somewhere more private? Jessica, get a hold of yourself! [Grunts] You don't deserve to carry Morty's genes. [Rapping] ♪ I love Morty ♪ ♪ and I hope Morty loves me ♪ ♪ I'd like to wrap my arms around him ♪ ♪ and feel him inside me ♪ Morty: Oh, crap. [Indistinct shouting] Morty! Rick: Morty, come on! We got to get you out of here. You're not gonna believe this because it usually never happens, but I made a mistake. [Both panting] come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. Come on. Morty! Morty: [wails] are you okay? Morty: I'm fine! Oh, good. If anything ever happened to you, I would kill myself. I love you bad, mo-mo! [All panting] [indistinct shouting] Morty, the principal and I have discussed it, a-a-and we're both insecure enough to agree to a three-way! Rick: I didn't realize when I gave you that serum that Jessica had the flu you know, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-that might have been valuable information for me, Morty. Morty: What the hell is going on, Rick? Rick: What does it look like? T-t-t-the serum is piggybacking on the virus. It's gone airborne, Morty. Morty: Oh, crap. What are we gonna do, Rick? Rick: It's gonna be fine, Morty, relax. I whipped up and antidote. It's based on praying-mantis dna. You know, praying mantises are the exact opposite of voles, Morty. I mean, they they mate once, and then they, you know, decapitate the partner. I mean, it's a whole ritual. It's really gruesome and totally opposite. There's no love at all. I-i-i basically mixed this with a more contagious flu virus. It should neutralize the whole thing, Morty. It'll all be over very shortly. [SCENE_BREAK] [Indistinct shouting] Uh, by the way, Morty, I know you didn't ask or anything, but I'm not interested in having sx with you. These serums, they don't work on anybody related to you genetically. Morty! [All groaning] Rick: Okay, well, sometimes, science is more art than science, Morty. A lot of people don't get that. Jerry: [gasps] [tires screech] Come on. Are you kidding me? Hello! Morty! You're not Morty! Bring us Morty! [Gun cocks] Jerry: Nobody's killing me until after I catch my wife with another man. I had sx with billy. But you were already pregnant! Yeah, so what's the worst that could happen? We interrupt "pregnant baby" with breaking news. Summer: [groans] Come on. This just in Morty smith's whereabouts are still unknown. Summer: What the hell? The only thing that is known is... how cute he is. I love him so much, I want to make love to him and then eat his head. I love him more than you do, harold! You wish, you stupid bitch! Morty's mine! Morty's mine! Meant to be together! [Speaking arabic] Morty! [Speaking arabic] [banging on door] Where is Morty? Summer: [screams] [conversing in native language] Morty: Oh, my god, Rick. The whole world is infected! Rick: Yeah, it's pretty wild how fast that spread. I've really outdone myself. Morty: Outdone yourself?! W-w a-are are you kidding me, Rick? This is not okay! Not only do they all want to have s*x with me, but, you know, now they want to eat me afterwards! Rick: Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Mantises are they opposite of voles? I mean, obviously, dna's a little more complicated than that. You know what, though, Morty? This right here's gonna do the tRick, baby. It's koala mixed with rattlesnake, chimpanzee, cactus, shark, golden retriever, and just a smidge of dinosaur. Should add up to normal humanity. Morty: I don't that doesn't make any sense, Rick. How does that add up to normal humanity? Morty: What, Morty, you want me to show you my math? I'm sorry a-are you the scientist or are you the kid that wanted to get laid? [Exhales deeply] Well, I'm glad we saved all those horses, but I'm almost sorry we're finished. Beth: Yes, it's satisfying work. Unh-unh-unh, it's, uh it's more than the work. I love being in that sterilized room, sealed off from the world. It's the only time I can really think... and feel. [Slow music plays] Beth: Hmm, uh, what are you doing? I'm playing african dream pop. What do youdo after a long night? [Click] Beth: Oh, ha, um, hey, I b I'd better get going. Um, Jerry's been texting some pretty high-maintenance stuff. Beth... Beth: What is it, davin? Just once, I'd like to know [sneezes] ...w-w-what it was like to give your son a bath. Beth: What?! What does Morty's skin smell like? How soft... [grunts] How soft are his privates? Beth: Let go of me, davin! [Glass shatters] [roars] Take me to Morty. Jerry: [grunts] You're not Morty. Jerry: No. I'm mr. Crowbar, and this is my friend, who is also a crowbar. That's... stupid. Jerry: [grunting] Yeah? Well, look where being smart got you. Beth: Jerry! Thank god! Jerry: God? God's turning people into insect monsters, Beth. I'm the one beating them to death. Thank me. Beth: Thank you, Jerry. Thank you. Rick: Take a good look down there, Morty, and soak it in, because, you know, once I pull this lever, it's all back to normal. Morty: Just do it already. Rick: Well, technically, Morty, there's no rush. I mean, you know, o-once it's fixed, it's done. It's fixed. You know, we could we could just enjoy it for a little bit. I mean, l-l-l-look at how crazy it is. I mean, Morty, w-w-when's the next time you're gonna see something like this? I mean, soak it in, you know? It's it's pretty neat. It's pretty interesting. Morty: That's it, Rick! I'm pulling the lever. [Grunts] Rick: W-what do we have here, Morty? Looks like I was right and you were wrong, huh? I-i-i-i-i-i-i bet you feel pretty stupid right about now, huh? I-i-i bet you feel like the world's smallest man that you were doubting me about this whole thing, Morty. Morty: Oh, Rick, something's not right. Rick: [sighs] Yeah, you. You're not right ever. Morty: No, no! Look, you idiot! [All screaming] [all speaking native language] [all groaning] [all ululating] Rick: Bet you're loving this, Morty. This must be the best day of your life. You get to be the mayor of I told you town. [Slurps] You're welcome. [Slurps] Jerry: Hold on. Beth: [whimpers] [engine revs, tires squeal] [gun cocks] Jerry: I wish that shotgun was my pen1s. Beth: If it were, you could call me ernest hemingway. Jerry: I don't get it, and I don't need to. [Both moaning] Summer: Mom! Dad! Both: Summer! Beth: [sighs] Jerry: Where's Morty? Summer: I don't know. Do you think grandpa Rick had something to do with this? Jerry: It's not fair to assume that, Summer. Beth: Oh, not fair? Give me a break. He is a selfish, irresponsible ass, and he left my mother. A real man stands by his woman. [Both moaning] Summer: Tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo. Rick: Boy, Morty, I really cronenberged the world up, didn't i? We got a whole planet of cronenbergs walking around down there, Morty. A-at least they're not in love with you anymore, though. That's a huge step in the right direction. Morty: Oh, my god! It's a living nightmare! How could you be so irresponsible, Rick? Rick: Me irresponsible?! You all I wanted you to do was hand me a screwdriver, Morty! You're the one who wanted to be wanted me to buckle down and make you up a... roofie-juice serum so you could roofie that poor girl at your school. I mean, g w-w-w-w-w w are you kidding me, Morty? You're gonna try to take the high road on this one? Y-y-y-y-you're a little creep, Morty. Y-you're a you're you're you're just a little creepy... creep person. Morty: All right, fine. I should have just listened to you when you refused to make the serum. I'm willing to accept my part of the blame for this, Rick. But I'll tell you something you know what? You got to accept your part of the blame! I'm not the one who fouled up the serum! I'm not the one who who who who haphazardly, you know, mixed a bunch of nonsense together and created a bunch of cronenbergs! You got to fix this, Rick! Morty: All right, all right, Morty. You know, w-w-w-we are in a pretty deep hole, here, but I do have one emergency solution that I can use that'll kind of put everything back to normal, relatively speaking. Here, Morty, put this on while I do a little bit of scouting. [Birds chirping] Morty: Wow, Rick, I got to say you really pulled a rabbit out of your hat this time. I mean, i-i really thought that the whole place was gonna be messed up for good, but here, you did it y-y-you you you figured out that crazy solution, like you always do. Whoo! That's some great luck. Rick: Come on, Morty. Luck had nothing to do with it. I'm great. That's the real reason. Now, Morty, what do you say, buddy? Will you hand me a screwdriver so I can finish my ionic dis defibulizer? Morty: Sure thing, Rick. Here's a screwdriver. Rick: All right, Morty. Thank you very much. We got one screw turn... and two screw turns... and... all right, Morty, here we are. Morty: Oh, my god, Rick! Is that us?! W-w-w-we're dead! What is going on, Rick? I'm freaking out! Rick: Calm down, Morty! Look at me! Calm down, Morty! Morty: No, I can't deal with this! Rick: Calm yourself, Morty. Morty: I can't deal with this, Rick! Rick: Calm down, Morty. Morty: This can't be real! Rick: You got to calm down, Morty. Morty: W-w-w-w-we're ripped apart! Rick: Shut up and listen to me! It's fine. Everything is fine. There's an infinite number of realities, Morty, and in a few dozen of those, I got lucky and turned everything back to normal. I just had to find one of those realities in which we also happen to both die around this time. Now we can just slip into the place of our dead selves in this reality and everything will be fine. We're not skipping a beat, Morty. Now, help me with these bodies. Morty: This is insane. Rick: Look, Morty, I'll grab myself, you grab yourself, okay? I mean, t-t-t-that seems fair to me I mean, that seems like a fair way to divvy it up. Morty: Rick, what about the reality we left behind? Rick: What about the reality where hitler cured cancer, Morty? The answer is don't think about it. It's not like we can do this every week, anyways. We get three or four more of these, tops. Now, pick up your dead self and come on. Haste makes waste. I-i-i don't suppose you've considered this detail, but obviously, if I hadn't screwed up as much as I did, we'd be these guys right now, so, again, you're welcome. ♪ look on down from the bridge ♪ ♪ there's still fountains down there ♪ ♪ look on down from the bridge ♪ ♪ it's still raining up here ♪ ♪ everybody seems so far away from me ♪ ♪ everybody just wants to be free ♪ ♪ look away from the sky ♪ ♪ it's no different when you're leaving home ♪ ♪ I can't be the same thing to you now ♪ ♪ I'm just gone ♪ ♪ just gone ♪ ♪ how could I say goodbye? ♪ ♪ how could I say goodbye? ♪ Summer: You know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes... black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn't seem to be living until he bites ya, and then the the blood, and the red, and the water... Jerry: [sighs] You ever wonder what happened to Rick and Morty? Beth: Sometimes. But, I'm ashamed to admit, now that they're gone, I'm finally happy. Rick: Here we are, cronenberg Morty a reality where everyone in the world got genetically cronenberged. We'll fit right in, cronenberg Morty. It'll be like we never even left cronenberg world. Morty: Yeah, cronenberg Rick, but, you know, I'm gonna miss cronenberg world, because everyone was cronenberged all along like us from the beginning, you know? I mean, i-i wish we hadn't genetically ruined cronenberg world beyond repair like we did, you know, and turned everyone into regular, normal people just walking around. Rick: Don't you worry about that sort of thing, cronenberg Morty. Let's go make ourselves at home, huh?
doc_201	[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [EXT. HOME - STREET - NIGHT] (A stream of liquid hits the ground. The empty can follows and hits the asphalt with a clang. TWO MEN, one carrying a crow bar, walk purposefully toward the house.) [EXT. FOSTER RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (The two men jump over the backyard fence. They use the crowbar and pry the backdoor open.) [INT. FOSTER RESIDENCE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (They walk into the house.) Intruder 1: Hey, this place is a dump. Intruder 2: I'm telling you, this bitch is loaded and no one's seen her for weeks. (They walk through the passageway and into the living room. The place has been trashed.) Intruder 2: (alarmed) What the hell. Intruder 1: This place is trashed. Hey, man, you trying to make me look stupid? Intruder 2: No, man. I swear. Somebody must have beat us to it. (Looking around the room, they see a closed closet door with a chair wedged under the knob.) Intruder 2: What the hell is this? (Outside, there's a short, abrupt siren sound of a cop car approaching.) Intruder 1: I'm out, man. (They both turn and head out of the house as fast as they can.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FOSTER RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (The two INTRUDERS run out to the backyard, through the same way they came in. They jump over the fence. On the other side, they are greeted by two OFFICERS with their guns drawn and pointed at the two men, headlights shining straight at them. They look up and see various police cars waiting for them, blocking their escape route.) Officer: (overhead) Gentlemen, put your hands on your heads, please. (They two INTRUDERS put their hands on the back of their heads.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FOSTER RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM examines the doorknob and the chair.) (Camera pulls back to show both GRISSOM and WARRICK dusting the chair for prints. There's no telling how long they've been there, but no matter, they're thorough and are still working on the chair.) (Behind them, an OFFICER stands guard watching them work.) Warrick: Smudges. Nothing but smudges. Doesn't anybody use formica anymore? Officer: First thing we did when we saw this was call you guys. Didn't touch a thing. (WARRICK and GRISSOM continue to work on dusting the chair for prints.) Officer: So you going to open it? Grissom: Eventually. (They're through with the chair. GRISSOM looks at the door knob. Both he and WARRICK get to their feet. They each take a hold of the chair and pulls it away from the doorknob.) (WARRICK puts the chair aside.) (GRISSOM steps forward and starts dusting the doorknob. He finds one print. He takes out a tape lift and carefully gets the print.) (The OFFICER sighs and mutters to himself.) Officer: This is going to take all day. Grissom: Sun Tzu once said, "If you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by." (He hands the tape lift with the print to WARRICK. They're ready to open the door.) (GRISSOM reaches out and opens the closet door.) (Inside, they find the mummified figure of a dehydrated woman on the floor.) Grissom: But those were brutal times. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FOSTER RESIDENCE - YARD -- NIGHT] (The DAVID PHILLIPS pushes up a gurney through the yard and up the walk to the front door. He picks up his paperwork and opens the door.) [INT. FOSTER RESIDENCE - CONTINUOUS] (Inside, WARRICK is just beyond the door blocking it from being opened.) Warrick: Hey, hold up. (He pushes the door shut.) (The mail hole opens up and DAVID peers through the opening.) David Phillips: Warrick? Warrick: Hey, David. Give me a minute and let me clear a path here, okay? David Phillips: All right, I'm not going anywhere. (WARRICK picks up the mail in front of the door on the floor.) Warrick: All right. (He looks down at the postage mark on the mail: LAS VEGAS / SEP 06 '03 / NV.) Warrick: There's at least four weeks of mail here, Grissom. (GRISSOM is still kneeling down just inside the closet looking at the body.) Grissom: Four weeks of 100 degree days, zero percent humidity. Eventually, the body tissues sublimate ... (Quick CGI flashback to: MADELINE FOSTER is in the closet, just barely alive, just barely dead.) Grissom: (V.O.) ... cell fluids vaporize ... (MADELINE FOSTER dies. CGI takes over and the body slowly decomposes and mummifies, the flesh hardening on her body.) Grissom: (V.O.) ... and all that's left ... proteins, fats and minerals.) (End of CGI flashback. Resume to present.) (WARRICK continues to leaf through the mail.) Warrick: Turns a grape into a raisin. Grissom: Well, the desert was making mummies long before the Egyptians. (GRISSOM looks at the body and notices her hands. He looks up at the door and sees something.) Grissom: Take a look at this. (GRISSOM shines the light on the door. WARRICK moves in closer for a look. On the lower edge of the door, there are fingernail claw marks with flesh and blood smudged into the markings.) Grissom: And look at her fingers. (They both look down at her damaged fingertips.) (Camera zooms in for a close up of the pieces of wood embedded in her broken and ravaged nail bed.) Warrick: She tried to claw her way out. Grissom: Yeah. Which means she was alive when she was entombed. (GRISSOM looks up and around the closet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FOSTER RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (Outside, BRASS questions the INTRUDER who broke into the house.) Intruder 2: She was supposed to be, like, this old widow, right? Like, always going out to dinner and coming home with shopping bags. Bitch had insurance money and word was that she kept it in a box hidden under her bed. Brass: A retired grade-school teacher living on a pension ... Intruder 2: Listen, man, we didn't kill her. Brass: (simply) No, I know that. What I want to know is, other than the back door, did you or your partner touch anything in the house? Intruder 2: No. There was nothing left to touch, man. (BRASS nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - SUNRISE] [INT. FOSTER RESIDENCE - KITCHEN -- MORNING] (WARRICK walks around and looks through the small kitchen. He sees a small dainty tea set out on doilies on a serving tray. Next to it on the counter, he finds a piece of chocolate cake with a huge bite in it.) Warrick: Hey, Griss. (GRISSOM walks into the kitchen.) Warrick: Don't you think this is kind of odd? A woman who spends the time making tea like this leaves a chunk of chocolate cake on the counter. Grissom: With a big bite out of it? (WARRICK picks up the plastic container. The label on it reads: LAVISH CAFÉ.) Warrick: Yeah. Some crack head brutalizes an old lady, leaves her in a closet, and grabs a snack on the way out. Grissom: Hopefully. Take it back to the lab. (GRISSOM turns and walks back into the living room. He opens the closet door, walks inside and closes the door behind him.) [INT. CLOSET - CONTINUOUS] (Inside the small closet, GRISSOM looks around. He looks down. He looks up. He sees the light above, reaches up and taps the bulb.) (He turns off his flashlight.) (Quick flashback to: [INT. CLOSET] The door opens and the WOMAN is pushed inside.) Madeline Foster: Oh! Male Voice: Shut up! Get in! Madeline Foster: Oh! (Cut to: CLOSE UP: A chair is wedged under the door knob.) (Cut to: MADELINE FOSTER reaches up and turns the closet light on.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (GRISSOM stands in the exact spot the woman was in when she turned the light on. He looks around the closet, then focuses on the markings on the door.) (Quick flashback to: MADELINE FOSTER struggles with the doorknob, trying to get it open. The chair won't budge. She hits her hands on the door trying to push it open; she grabs and jiggles the doorknob.) (End of flashback. Resume to GRISSOM. Continue sounds of MADELINE FOSTER struggling inside the closet.) (GRISSOM stretches out his hand and places it on the door imagining MADELINE FOSTER clawing the door with her fingernails.) (Quick flashback to: MADELINE FOSTER desperately claws at the door. She grabs at the doorknob.) (End of flashback. Resume to GRISSOM. Continue sounds of MADELINE FOSTER struggling inside the closet.) (Quick flash of MADELINE FOSTER inside the closet struggling to get out. She slowly slides to the floor. She curls up into a fetal position on the closet floor. The light burns out. In the darkness and by the light coming through the crack under the door, MADELINE FOSTER looks up at the closet ceiling. End of flashback. Resume to GRISSOM.) (Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (MADELINE FOSTER'S body is out on the autopsy table as ROBBINS goes over his findings with GRISSOM.) Robbins: Fluoroscope showed no bullet or stab wounds, and apart from multiple fractures of her fingers and hands, no other apparent injuries. Grissom: So whoever boarded her up in the closet maybe didn't intend to kill her. Robbins: (shrugs) Yeah. They must have thought somebody'd find her -- a friend or relative. Grissom: She lived alone. Only relative was a nephew. Brass is looking for him. Robbins: Live alone, die alone. In this case, from massive dehydration. Rule of threes: Three minutes without air, three days without water, and three weeks without food. Grissom: Three days must have felt like three years. Robbins: Warrick said you found a possible print at the scene. Need to rule hers out? Grissom: Yeah. Also need a dental impression. Robbins: Well, that'll be easy. (ROBBINS reaches out and removes the dentures from her mouth. He drops it into the metal bin on the side table. GRISSOM watches as ROBBINS cuts off the tip of her finger.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. TIMMEL RESIDENCE - BACKYARD -- DAY] (The OFFICER leads CATHERINE out to the backyard.) Catherine: So, what do we have here? Officer: Well, boy was out playing, found the weapon, fired one shot, dropped the weapon. No one's touched it since. Catherine: Hmm. (She looks down at the gun on the ground.) Catherine: Okay, thanks. (The OFFICER leaves.) (CATHERINE puts her bag down and kneels to pick up the gun. She looks at it and checks the cartridge. She sees something red inside the trigger guard and takes it out.) (Camera zooms in for a close up for the red piece.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TIMMEL RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (MRS. TIMMEL holds NATHAN on her lap as CATHERINE walks over to them.) Catherine: Hey, Nathan. How's your foot? Nathan Timmel: I got a rocket ship band-aid. Catherine: Hmm. Yeah, I see that. Mrs. Timmel, does the gun belong to someone in the house? Mrs. Timmel: No, absolutely not. My husband and I don't believe in guns. We moved here from the city because it was supposed to be safer. Catherine: Nathan, where did you find the gun? Nathan Timmel: Seymour found it. Catherine: Seymour? Mrs. Timmel: (whispers) His imaginary friend. Catherine: (to MRS. TIMMEL) Oh. (to NATHAN) So, you were playing with Seymour, and he found the gun where? Nathan Timmel: (points) Over there. Catherine: Well, where exactly? Nathan Timmel: In the backyard. Catherine: Was it buried? Did you dig it up? Nathan Timmel: Nope. (Quick flashback to: NATHAN walks out into the backyard and picks up the gun from the base of the tree. He points it downward ... and fires. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Will you ever play with guns again? Nathan Timmel: Nope. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY OUTSIDE MORGUE] (GRISSOM leans against the wall as BRASS talks with him.) Grissom: We don't need an I.D ... Brass: Oh, the nephew said he wanted to see her. Insisted on it. Made me curious. (A young man walks slowly toward them.) Brass: You Connor Foster? Connor Foster: Yeah. I'm sorry I'm late. I got lost. (He looks around.) This is the morgue, huh? [INT. MORGUE] (A small group gathers around the door to the morgue body storage unit. DAVID PHILLIPS opens the door and pulls out the table with the body on it.) Grissom: You have to prepare yourself for this. Your aunt was found in an advanced state of decomposition. (DAVID pulls back the sheet. CONNOR FOSTER looks at the body and turns away.) Connor Foster: Oh, this is messed up. This is really messed up. (He turns back and glances at the body, then jumps.) Connor Foster: Whoa! She just moved. Did you see that? (BRASS and GRISSOM glance at each other at CONNOR'S bizarre behavior.) Connor Foster: I'm telling you, she just moved. Brass: Sometimes, when you see the body of someone you know, someone you've seen move before, you want them to move. Connor Foster: That's not her. This lady's too thin. That's not her skin, either. My aunt always wore sunblock. Grissom: Dry mouth. Diaphoresis. Red eyes, dilated pupils. Connor Foster: Huh? Brass: It means you're high. (CONNOR looks at BRASS and GRISSOM.) Connor Foster: I got to go. Brass: We'd like you to stay. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM] (BRASS and GRISSOM interview CONNOR FOSTER. CONNOR takes a sip of his drink.) Brass: Where are you living these days, Connor? Connor Foster: At the YMCA off industrial, near the underpass. Brass: Nice. How's work? Connor Foster: I don't have a job. I used to. Brass: Yeah. Yeah, two years ago, your aunt reported a pearl necklace stolen. You were busted trying to hock it at a pawn shop. Connor Foster: She dropped those charges. Brass: Oh, sure. Anything for her favorite nephew. And what have you done for her? She was lying in a coat closet for over a month. You didn't call. You didn't stop by. Connor Foster: (interrupting) I don't call her much. We only have dinner on holidays. Whenever she sees me, it makes her kind of sad. Grissom: Do you get the munchies? Connor Foster: When? Grissom: When you're high. (When CONNOR doesn't answer, GRISSOM leans forward intently.) Grissom: Do you like cake? Connor Foster: (laughs) No, I go for burgers. Sonic. Grissom: How would you like to make a dental impression for us? Connor Foster: I'll do whatever you guys want. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE walks into the lab. RICH has his back to the door.) Catherine: Hey, Rich. (RICH turns around.) Rich: Whatcha got for me? Catherine: Found this somewhere where it didn't belong. (She takes the gun out and hands it to him.) Catherine: Unregistered. No prints. (He checks the gun out.) Rich: Huh. Sweet piece. Catherine: Mm-hmm. Rich: .32 beretta tomcat. Titanium frame, stainless steel barrel and slide. Super lightweight. Catherine: Yeah, light enough for a five year old to use. Rich: Ouch. Catherine: He's okay. Thank god. Rich: Good. (RICH walks over to the cabinet to get some bullets for the gun.) Rich: .32 caliber. Not many of these in circulation. Catherine: Well, that's a good thing. Rich: Potentially. (He finds the bullets.) Rich: Okay. Here we go. (He walks over to the table and loads the gun. CATHERINE grabs a set of goggles and ear phones and puts them on.) Catherine: Okay. (RICH picks up the gun.) Rich: (shouts) Two shots! (He fires twice.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [BALLISTICS LAB] [SCOPE VIEW] of the bullet. (RICH does a computer comparison of the bullet just shot with the database while CATHERINE waits and watches.) (Various cuts of the database running the comparison.) (There's a match to a bullet attached with the following crime: Type: D.B. STATUTE: *** Description: Murder Code: DOC# 1773621-43 CRIME SCENE REPORT Investigating Officer: W. Brown 0012542 <Ballistics> ID TYPE: Bullet <32 Automatic> WEAPON: N/A 0013837 <CORONER'S REPORT> TYPE: DEAD BODY NAME: FRANK MADDOX LOCATION: MASLOW PARK Rich: There's showing up for work and there's doing your job. Warrick brought in a .32 auto coroner's bullet last week. D.B. in Maslow Park. You just found the murder weapon. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE looks at the photos for the MADDOX case. WARRICK is in the lab supplying additional information. Camera shows various photos of FRANK MADDOX.) Catherine: Frank Maddox. 47-year-old white male. Professional bounty hunter. Single .32 round in the side of his head. Bruises on his face and chest. Warrick: Autopsy ruled those premortem. At least a day old. It was a close shot, non-contact, downward angle. No primer residue on the hands. T.O.D. was approximately 2:00 A.M. No one found the body until 7:00 A.M. A lot of wind ... Catherine: Warrick, your notes are great. Let the case speak for itself. (WARRICK turns and heads out of the room.) Warrick: I got to go see my mummy. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- NIGHT] (Camera opens on a dish with the thumb in it. GREG picks it up and looks at it closely.) Greg: (to WARRICK) You know, I could've sworn I heard Grissom telling you to do this. Warrick: Yeah? You know what rolls downhill? Greg: Apparently bloated fingertips. (GREG inks the fingertip.) Warrick: Come on, you got a lot of new skills to master. Field work's a little messier than your test tubes and your GCMS. Greg: Yeah, and a lot less accurate. Warrick: One continuous motion, nice and easy. (GREG takes a print from the fingertip.) Warrick: That's not bad. Keep practicing. Nine more to go. (WARRICK leaves the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS] (WARRICK walks down the hallway and runs into NICK and SARA on their way out.) Sara: Hey. Warrick: Hey. Sara: I heard about your mummy in the closet. Very cool. Nick: Yeah, and we get a 406 in Henderson. Want to trade? Warrick: (no way) Nothing spells excitement like a B and E. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KIRKWOOD RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (NICK and SARA walk up the front walk accompanied by an OFFICER. The OFFICER knocks on the door.) Michael Kirkwood: (through door) Who is it? Officer: Las Vegas police, sir. (The door opens.) Michael Kirkwood: Hey. Officer: We received a phone call from a neighbor about a break in. Michael Kirkwood: Yeah, yeah, (He glances behind him.) I'm, uh, sorry, officers. There's been a misunderstanding. (He motions to his daughter. SARA looks past him inside the house.) My daughter, she had some friends over tonight without my permission, and, um, they started drinking. (SARA sees LINDA KIRKWOOD cleaning up the broken glass on the floor and behind her is their daughter, SUZANNA KIRKWOOD, visibly shaking with her arms wrapped around her body. She looks, sees SARA watching her, then leaves the room.) Michael Kirkwood: They got out of control. They broke some stuff. A couple of windows, but, uh, you know, we got it under control, we're cleaning it all up. So I apologize for the trouble. Officer: No trouble at all, sir. You have a good night now. Michael Kirkwood: Thanks. (The door closes.) (NICK, SARA and the OFFICER turn around and leave. NICK sighs.) Nick: "To protect and serve." (NICK chuckles and turns to the OFFICER. SARA heads back to the car.) Nick: Are you boys ready for softball on Sunday? Officer: Ready to kick your ass, Stokes. Sara: See you back at the lab. Nick: All right. You're ready to kiss my what? Officer: You heard me. (NICK and the OFFICER continue talking. SARA gets into the car. She puts her kit down and closes the door.) (She reaches up and adjusts the rear view mirror. She finds SUZANNA KIRKWOOD sitting in the back seat of the car.) Suzanna Kirkwood: (softly) I need to go to the hospital. Please. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - EMERGENCY ROOM -- NIGHT] (SARA tries to talk with SUZANNA as they wait for the doctor. SUZANNA sits on the examination table with her back to SARA.) Sara: Suzanna, if you were sexually assaulted ... Suzanna Kirkwood: It was a party. It just got out of control. All I need is an AIDS test and a morning after pill. Sara: Date rape is still rape. Suzanna Kirkwood: (flatly) Thank you for clearing that up. (The doctor walks into the room.) Doctor: Hey. Sara: Hi. (SARA looks at SUZANNA and notices the bruises and bite marks on her shoulders.) Suzanna: (to the DOCTOR) Does she ... ? Does she have to be in here for this? Doctor: No. (The DOCTOR looks at SARAH.) Suzanna: Bye. Thank you. Sara: Okay. (SARA turns and leaves the room.) Doctor: (to SUZANNA) Go ahead and put this on, okay? (The DOCTOR turns to follow SARA out of the room. She pulls the curtain close as she leaves. SUZANNA starts to change into the gown.) (Cut to: [OUTSIDE EXAM AREA NEAR DOOR] SARA speaks with the DOCTOR.) Sara: We're going to need full-body photographs. If she can't talk, the kit's going to have to do it for her. Doctor: Okay. (The DOCTOR heads back into the examination area. SARA turns and leaves to wait.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM opens a box and takes out the chocolate cake. He sprays it. GREG walks into the lab.) Greg: Your, uh, mummy prints. (GREG puts the print card on the table in front of GRISSOM. He looks at it, then glances up at GREG.) Grissom: Warrick's getting sloppy. Greg: Yeah, someone should really have a talk with that guy. (GRISSOM swabs the chocolate cake. GREG watches him.) Greg: What's that? Grissom: Dessert. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. KIRKWOOD RESIDENCE -- DAY] (NICK and SARA are back talking with MICHAEL KIRKWOOD.) Michael Kirkwood: Look, I thought we were done. Nick: Well, sir, we need a list of all the kids who were here tonight. Linda Kirkwood: Why? Sara: Mrs. Kirkwood, Mr. Kirkwood, your daughter has been raped. Michael Kirkwood: (sighs) What did she tell you? (NICK notices the red splotches on MICHAEL KIRKWOOD'S knuckles.) Nick: We're going to need to search the premises. Michael Kirkwood: You can't. It's my house. Sara: You don't have a choice. We have a warrant. (SARA hands the warrant to MICHAEL KIRKWOOD as they walk into the house. NICK motions for them to leave.) Nick: I'm going to have to ask you folks to step outside. Thank you. (MICHAEL KIRKWOOD and LINDA KIRKWOOD leave the house.) Sara: I'll take the girl's room. Nick: Yeah, I'll take the master. [SCENE_BREAK] [SUZANNA'S BEDROOM] (SARA pulls the comforter off of the bed.) [MASTER BEDROOM] (NICK pulls the comforter off of the bed and uses the ALS.) (Cut to: SARA uses the ALS on the bed.) (Cut to: NICK scans the bed sheets.) (Cut to: SARA.) (Cut to: NICK puts the ALS aside and looks at the shelves. He finds a framed photo cracked. He finds several of the glass in the frames cracked. He picks up a photo and looks at it. He puts it back on the shelf.) (He looks down and finds a chip in the table. He reaches out and finds the closet door knob loose.) (NICK dusts the table and finds a print. He tape lifts it. He looks up at the closet door and on a hunch, flips the table over to wedge it under the door knob. It's a perfect fit. Right down to the chip in the table.) (NICK puts the table back and slowly reaches out for the closet door knob.) (He opens the closet door and finds it a mess inside. He finds bloody claw marks leading down to the low vent in the closet door. NICK pulls back and lowers his flashlight absolutely stunned by his thoughts.) (Camera holds on NICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (GRISSOM, WARRICK, NICK and SARA surround a table full of photos.) Sara: So, how do we know we're dealing with the same suspect? Warrick: We don't. Nick: Table against the closet door, chair shoved under the knob. It is the same M.O. Sara: Any connections between the victims? Grissom: Well, both victims were left alive, we think. I mean, the old lady's death was probably unintentional, and the girl's rape was ... Sara: Crime of opportunity? Warrick: If you're out to rob somebody's house, why would you do it when they're home? Grissom: The difference between burglary and home invasion -- infliction of terror. (Quick flashback to: [INT. KIRKWOOD RESIDENCE - NIGHT] The KIRKWOODS are on their knees in the bedroom as the PERPETRATOR stands above them.) Perpetrator: Talk to the cops? Say a word, and I'll kill you. (Flash to SUZANNA. Flash to: The PERPETRATOR holds the gun up against MICHAEL KIRKWOOD'S head.) Perpetrator: I'll kill you, okay? (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: Bad guys leave, fear just stays behind. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MASLOW PARK -- DAY] (CATHERINE and SGT. O'RILEY are at the park and head for the wooden bench.) Catherine: Maslow Park. All fun and games till the sun goes down. (CATHERINE glances down at the file in the hand.) Catherine: So, the bounty hunter is here at 2:00 A.M. O'Riley: Like shooting fish in a barrel. Almost guaranteed to run into one of his skips or some lowlife who knows ere they are. Catherine: Well, apparently, someone found him first. (Quick flashes of: [EXT. MASLOW PARK] FRANK MADDOX lifts the binoculars to his eyes and looks around the park. Someone walks up to him from behind, puts the gun to his head and fires.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Hunter becomes the hunted. (CATHERINE looks around the park.) Catherine: A dozen perfect dump sites within a mile of here. So, how does the gun end up across town in the hands of a five-year-old boy? O'Riley: Drive and dump. Catherine: (shakes her head) Doesn't make any sense. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- DAY] (Open on: Computer monitor: On the right is the print; on the left is the following information: Officer: G. GRISSOM Location: MADELINE FOSTER / (Closet Door Knob) / Residence (A second print appears on the monitor for: Officer: N. Stokes Location: KIRKWOOD / (Side Table) / Residence (JACQUI FRANCO is at the computer running the comparison while WARRICK and NICK watch and wait.) Jacqui Franco: You never make it easy, do you? Nick: The center whorls look similar. Warrick: Can you generate a composite? Franco: Well, it's all about gestalt. When the whole of the pattern is greater than the sum of its parts. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (GRISSOM works on the chocolate cake. He uses the magnifying glass and examines the bite detail.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - ANOTHER LAB] (SARA works on the photographs taken from SUZANNA KIRKWOOD. She traces the bite patter on her shoulder onto a clear plastic sheet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (JACQUI continues to work on matching the prints.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GRISSOM peels off the bite mold.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (SARA shows GRISSOM her findings on the bite marks.) Sara: Once I pulled details, I shrank it back down to 100%. Here's the thing. Looks like the bite came from behind. Grissom: Well, it was probably easier to subdue her in that position. (Quick flashback to: SUZANNA KIRKWOOD is thrown on the bed face-down and held as she struggles. The RAPIST bites her shoulder from behind as she screams.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Camera pauses on SARA who is unusually quiet. GRISSOM turns to look at her.) Grissom: You okay? Sara: Yeah. (GRISSOM nods, then continues. He matches SARA'S bite drawings with the mold.) Grissom: The occlusal plane looks the same. And the lateral incisor overlaps the canine ... (He moves the clear sheet drawing from the photo to the mold to show that they match.) Grissom: ... in both cases. Sara: Same person. Grissom: Definitely not the old lady's nephew. (NICK and WARRICK walk in with the print results.) Nick: Hey, hey. Two partials equal one slimeball. Jacqui got a hit through AFIS. Warrick: The guy with the closet fixation is Steve Jansson. Sara: Let's see if he has an oral fixation as well. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (BRASS and SARA interview STEVE JANSSON.) Brass: Little Stevie Jansson. How was the home of the good shepherd, Steve? Steve Jansson: Mac and cheese was aces. Juvie offenses don't mean squat. My record -- it's been expunged. Brass: Expunged, huh? So, what's this crap you're pulling now? Sara: Two crime scenes, two prints-- both yours. Brass: And looking at your adult record, this makes strike two and three with one pitch. That's a real time-saver for us. Steve Jansson: I don't know what you're talking about. Brass: Madeline Foster. The Kirkwoods. Steve Jansson: I do work for them sometimes. Odd jobs. Brass: So, if we asked The Kirkwoods, they'd say you were their handyman, huh? Steve Jansson: Go ahead. Ask them. Sara: You always help yourself to something sweet while you work? (SARA holds out a mold.) Sara: Bite it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (CATHERINE watches some televisionvideo footage of FRANK MADDOX.) Frank Maddox: (on footage) I'm saying it now, and I'm saying it loud. I will bring Terrango to justice. (WARRICK walks into the room.) Interviewer: (on footage) What makes you think you'll succeed where so many others have failed? Frank Maddox: (on footage) Failure's not an option. It never has been. You feeling me, Terrango? You can keep on running, but I will keep coming. I will never stop. Warrick: Them's fightin' words. Did he get his man? (CATHERINE turns back to the lab table. WARRICK follows her.) Catherine: Actually, no. Terrango killed two more people before another "recovery agent" picked him up in Texas. Warrick: Well, that probably hurt business. Catherine: Oh, yeah, it did. After that case, his recovery rate went down practically to zero. (She picks up a crime scene photo and looks at it.) Catherine: What about suicide? Warrick: No. It's a non-contact wound at a downward angle. It's a textbook murder. Catherine: Maybe too textbook. A bounty hunter would know how to fake it. Let's check out his right sleeve. Very odd. It's unbuttoned - it's pulled way down. It would explain why there weren't any prints on the gun. (Quick flashback to: FRANK MADDOX unbuttons his sleeve and uses it to hold the gun with as he puts it behind his own head. Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: Doesn't explain how the gun left the scene. Catherine: Maybe someone found it and grabbed it up. Warrick: Just to toss it in suburbia a week later? Catherine: We're always looking for a weapon. You'd think it'd be easier when the weapon finds us. Warrick: What's in the scope? (WARRICK looks through the microscope at the slip of ribbon.) [SCOPE VIEW] Catherine: It's polypropylene film. It was found in the trigger guard. It's ribbon, for wrapping presents and ... (She trails off, thinking. She pauses as something occurs to her. She picks up a package off the desk and turns to head somewhere. Hearing her leave, WARRICK looks up.) (Cut to: CATHERINE puts the gun on a scale to weigh it. 131.05 oz. She puts the gun down, resets the scale and weighs another item.) (WARRICK walks into the room. He watches her as she fills the container with weight equivalent to the weight of the gun.) Warrick: You got a theory? Catherine: You got ten bucks? (CATHERINE puts the weight into a bag while WARRICK checks his pockets for the cash.) Warrick: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY] (GRISSOM and BRASS walk down the hallway.) Grissom: Jansson's dental impression is consistent with the bite mark on the girl's shoulder. Brass: Consistent, but not conclusive. I spoke to Mr. Kirkwood. He wouldn't confirm or deny Jansson's handyman story. He said he couldn't remember. And without that, uh ... (His voice trails off. They turn the corner and meet up with SARA and GREG.) Sara: Hey, guys, we're screwed. Greg: The semen from the rape kit doesn't belong to Steve Jansson. No hits off CODIS either. (They all turn and start walking through the hallway.) Sara: There was more than one guy. She was gang-raped. (Quick flashback to: One man holds SUZANNE KIRKWOOD down while the other assaults her. End of quick flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: This gets cheerier by the minute. Sara: Jansson's never going to roll over on his partner. They're going to do it again. Brass: Yeah. Grissom: We've given them no reason to stop. (They group walks out of camera frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] Cue Sound: (PRELAP) DOORBELL [INT. KIRKWOOD RESIDENCE -- DAY] (SUZANNA KIRKWOOD opens the door to GRISSOM.) Grissom: Hi. My name's Gil Grissom. I'm with the Las Vegas crime lab. (He shows her his I.D.) Michael Kirkwood: (o.s.) Suzanna, ... (MICHAEL KIRKWOOD walks up to the door and SUZANNA steps away.) Michael Kirkwood: (to SUZANNA) ... I said I'd get it. (to GRISSOM) What do you want? I already told the police I have nothing more to say. Grissom: I think you do. And I need you to speak for someone who can't speak for herself. Another victim. Michael Kirkwood: I don't care about another victim. (GRISSOM looks up past MICHAEL KIRKWOOD at SUZANNA who hasn't completely left the room. MICHAEL KIRKWOOD turns and looks at his daughter.) Michael Kirkwood: Suzanna, please. (She turns and leaves the room.) Grissom: Look, we know that two men broke into your house. We have one suspect in custody, but we can't hold him unless you talk to us. Michael Kirkwood: I can't help you. I'm shutting the door now. (MICHAEL KIRKWOOD grabs the door to close it. GRISSOM stops him.) Grissom: Mr. Kirkwood, I've done all that I can. I need what you saw. Michael Kirkwood: (swallows) Mr. Grissom, do you have a wife, children? Grissom: No. Michael Kirkwood: Then you can't possibly understand how I feel. All I am to you is a folder in a drawer. Grissom: And if I had a wife and children ... Michael Kirkwood: Then you wouldn't be here. I can't help you. (MICHAEL KIRKWOOD steps back into the house and slams the door on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (WARRICK, NICK and SARA go through the KIRKWOOD'S trash.) Nick: Man ... LINDA KIRKWOOD was a Hoover. She even bleached the sheets. Sara: You know what I don't get? How do they get in? There's no sign of forced entry at either scene. Nick: Ring the doorbell; that usually seems to work. (SARA thinks about this.) (NICK picks up the things in front of him and goes through it, tossing it aside.) Warrick: Hey, hey, hey. Nick: What? Warrick: What is that you just threw in there? (WARRICK reaches out and picks up the paper bag. He looks at it.) Nick: Leftovers, I guess. Warrick: You know that piece of half-eaten shark with cake that Gris and I found at the old lady Maddie's house? This is from the same restaurant. Sara: Links the victims. (WARRICK opens the package and looks inside. He finds a receipt: LAVISH CAFÉ 14490 KILDARE RD. LAS VEGAS, NV 89109 SERVER: 8566 DATE: 10/08/03 7:18 PM MCX 64755 CARD#: XXXXXXXXXXXXX9444 EXP: 0906 Magnetic Card Present KIRKWOOD Approved 566849 Warrick: Same night as the home invasion. Signed by LINDA KIRKWOOD. Dinner for one. Nick: Single women, dining alone -- easy targets. (Quick flashback to: [LAVIS CAFÉ] LINDA KIRKWOOD sits at a table sipping a glass of wine.) Nick: (V.O.) All you have to do is follow them home. (The waiter puts the bag on the table for her. Cut to: As she leaves, she smiles at the waiter.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: (thinking) Same Restaurant ... Nick: (looks at WARRICK) Same waiter? (Their eyes meet.) (WARRICK flips the receipt over. There's a hand-written note on it. "THANKS YOUR SERVER / RYAN" [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LAVISH CAFÉ -- DAY] (BRASS, GRISSOM and WARRICK interview the WAITER.) Ryan (waiter): Uh ... sure, they're regulars. I haven't seen, uh, Maddie in a while, but Mrs. K. comes in every Thursday while her daughter's at soccer practice. Brass: Well, you know all your customers this well? Ryan (waiter): I try to chat up the ones that come in alone. I feel bad for 'em. Warrick: So both women came in alone? Ryan (waiter): Every week. Brass: Where were you after your shift on Thursday night? Ryan (waiter): Oh, uh... I was best man at my friend's wedding. The Luxor has that new wedding chapel. You get it at a discount if you use it on a weekday. I can give you a number if you ... Brass: (interrupts) Down, boy. (RYAN stops talking.) Brass: Thanks. Ryan (waiter): Sure. (RYAN picks up his tray of beer bottles and leaves.) Warrick: I kind of doubt that a clean-cut guy like Ryan is hanging out with snaggletooth Steve. Brass: No, but I'd bet somebody here was. (They look around the small café at the other waiters.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MASLOW PARK -- DAY] (CATHERINE walks up to the balloon vendor. She shows him her I.D.) Catherine: Hi. Balloon Vendor: Hi. Catherine: You here every day? Balloon Vendor: Seven days a week, till the sun goes down. I got a wife, a kid, and 2.3 dogs to support. Catherine: Do you recognize this man? Balloon Vendor: Oh, yeah. He was here a few days ago. A little bigger than my average customer. Catherine: Did he buy any balloons? Balloon Vendor: Four big reds. (Quick flashback to: FRANK MADDOX buys four big red balloons from the balloon vendor. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: I'll take what he bought. (Cut to: CATHERINE sits on the wooden bench and ties the bag with the weight equivalent to the handgun to the balloons. She lets it go and the balloons easily carry the bag up into the air.) (She smiles. She knows how FRANK MADDOX was killed.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (GRISSOM, WARRICK, NICK and SARA are back at the lab. SARA stands in front of the clearboard with the pen while the other stand around the lab table.) Warrick: We know Jansson's partner knew the customers at the restaurant. Nick: Education, employment history and a driver's license are required for all employees. Sara: I've made a timeline of Steve Jansson's illustrious life span. Places he's lived, the places he's been arrested-- you know, the highlights. Grissom: You find any commonalities? Nick: Well, Eric Shultz. Lives in the same neighborhood. (SARA draws a connecting line from ERIC SCULTZ'S picture to "RESIDENCE HISTORIES".) Warrick: Jose Cortez. Worked at the Wilson Street Grill from '93 to '94. (SARA draws another connecting line.) Nick: But the busboy, Kelly James -- not only went to the same high school, but graduated from the same juvie center. Sara: It's always nice when they come out worse than when they went in. Nick: (to GRISSOM) What do you think? That's our guy, right? Grissom: It's a connection. It's not enough to compel DNA. Sara: So we have nothing? Grissom: No, we have a name, and we know where he works. Nick: I'll find out where he was the night the Kirkwoods were invaded. (GRISSOM'S pager beeps. He checks it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY] (The OFFICER leads SUZANNA KIRKWOOD down the hallway.) (SLOW MOTION to: SUZANNA looks up and sees another OFFICER leading a MAN in prison orange down the hall in the opposite direction toward her. The MAN in orange looks at her as they pass by.) (SLOW MOTION: SUZANNA sees a mother holding a distraught daughter in her arms as she cries. She sees a MAN in a tank top and tattoos leaning against the wall talking with a MAN in a gray suit.) (SUZANNA and the OFFICER turn the corner.) (Every step is difficult for her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (BRASS stands with GRISSOM, SARA and a couple of LAWYERS. He glances at his watch.) Brass: Lineup's almost ready to go. Grissom: (to the LAWYERS) Listen, when she I.D.s Kelly James, we're going to need a DNA sample and an immediate hold, no bail. Public Defender: He's not a flight risk. Grissom: He's a risk. (The OFFICER turns the corner with SUZANNA. They join the group.) Sara: Hey, Suzanna. (Everyone is suddenly aware of her and the conversation stops. BRASS looks down and glances over at SARA. GRISSOM glances at SARA. SARA looks back at GRISSOM and their eyes meet. SARA turns to SUZANNA.) Sara: Um, why don't we go hang out until they're ready for us? We'll get a glass of water or something. (SARA leads SUZANNA away from the group.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (SARA and SUZANNA sit on the waiting room seats.) Sara: I'm really glad you decided to come today. (SUZANNA'S quiet as she stares at the air in front of her.) Suzanna Kirkwood: (softly) Do you ... you want to hear something stupid? Sara: Sure. Suzanna Kirkwood: My boyfriend and I had been talking about having s*x for a of couple months. I always said no because I was afraid that my parents would find out. (SARA doesn't say anything.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (MICHAEL KIRKWOOD sits in the hallway chair. GRISSOM turns the corner and walks toward him.) Grissom: Mr. Kirkwood, I'm sorry. The other day, I thought you were saying that you "wouldn't" help me, and now I realize that you 'couldn't'. Michael Kirkwood: (shakes his head) I never got a good look at them. (GRISSOM nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (BRASS walks up to SARA and SUZANNA.) Brass: We're ready. Suzanna Kirkwood: Can she come with me? Brass: I already cleared it with the Public Defender. (SARA looks at SUZANNA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM sits down next to MICHAEL KIRKWOOD and listens.) Michael Kirkwood: She's 16. I only had two jobs left -- teach her to think for herself, keep her safe. I got one right. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Camera opens on SUZANNA who is having a difficult time with this. BRASS instructs her on the process.) Brass: Here's how this works: There are five guys in a line. We're going to ask each of them to step forward, turn to the side, and then face forward again. (SUZANNA nods.) Now, if you want a second look or you need more time, just let us know. When you're ready to make a decision, write it down on this piece of paper. (BRASS hands her a piece of paper.) Remember, you can see them, but they can't see you. Okay? (SUZANNA nods. She looks through the window to the other side of the room.) Suzanna Kirkwood: He already knows it's me. Sara: Suzanna, you can do this. I know you can. (SUZANNA shakes her head ... then gathers her courage and nods.) Suzanna Kirkwood: Okay. (BRASS and SARA take a step back.) Man: (over intercom) Number one, please step forward. (The first MAN steps forward into the light.) Man: (over intercom) Turn to the left. Step back. (He turns to the side, then steps back into the shadows.) Man: (over intercom) Number two, step forward. Turn to your left. (The second man steps forward into the light.) Michael Kirkwood: (V.O.) You know, people say ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] Michael Kirkwood: ... you never forget. Truth is... you do forget. And then you remember. It makes it worse. It was like, uh, it's like my brain ... doesn't know where to put it. (Quick flashback to: The door bursts open and the two men enter the house. One of them grabs the woman walking toward the door. He pushes her back into the hallway as she struggles and screams.) (Cut to: The two men push MICHAEL KIRKWOOD, hands tied behind his back, into the closet with LINDA KIRKWOOD. Sounds of crying and pleading in the background, echoing in his mind.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Michael Kirkwood: You know, it must've run through a million times in my mind ... somebody breaks in. I get a baseball bat. Get everybody out the back door. Call the cops. My family's safe. And I just stood there ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (SUZANNA stands in front of the window, visibly shaking at the ordeal. The voice over the intercom calls for the next man to step forward.) Man: (over intercom) Number four, step forward. (He steps forward into the light.) (Camera refocuses from SUZANNA'S reflection to the man standing beyond it. It's him. It's KELLY JAMES.) (At the sight of him, SUZANNA is frozen, trapped in her memories.) (Both BRASS and SARA can tell by her reaction that this is the MAN, yet they can't say anything.) Man: (over intercom) Turn to your left. (The MAN turns to face the left.) (Quick flashback of: The two men assaulting SUZANNA. Cut to: Her parents tied and trapped in the closet as they hear her screams.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Camera holds on SUZANNA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (MICHAEL KIRKWOOD talks and GRISSOM listens.) Michael Kirkwood: And when Suzanna was a little girl, Linda made me put those, um, the child-proof locks on all the kitchen cabinets. I complained. You know what she said to me? She said, uh, "The least we can do is make her safe in her own house." (MICHAEL KIRKWOOD looks down at his hands. GRISSOM'S heart goes out to the man.) Grissom: Mr. Kirkwood ... you didn't do anything wrong. (MICHAEL KIRKWOOD sighs.) (SUZANNA steps out stiffly into the hallway and walks toward her father. He gets to his feet and catches her as she cries.) Michael Kirkwood: (whispers) Baby. (He kisses her forehead and leads her aside.) Michael Kirkwood: Oh, it's okay, it's okay. Shh. (GRISSOM gets to his feet as SARA and BRASS turn the corner, his eyes on the KIRKWOODS. GRISSOM turns around as SARA and BRASS reach him.) Brass: She froze up. She couldn't do it. Sara: Her reaction should be enough. Grissom: (to BRASS) What do you think? Brass: (sighs) Well, we've got enough to hold this Jansson kid, but the other guy ... unless she writes a number down, there's nothing we can do. (SARA looks at GRISSOM and they share a look. SARA looks down while GRISSOM turns to look back at the KIRKWOODS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM] (WARRICK removes his shirt just as CATHERINE walks into the room.) Catherine: Hey. I'm sorry to hear about your case. Warrick: (sighs) We were so close, you don't even know. Catherine: Well, he'll be back. We'll get him eventually. Warrick: Yeah. (WARRICK puts a clean shirt on.) Catherine: Want to go for a ride? Warrick: (nods) Probably safer than anything else I had planned. Yeah. (He closes his locker door and follows CATHERINE out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TIMMEL RESIDENCE -- DAY] (CATHERINE and WARRICK walk through the park as she explains her theory about the death and the gun.) Catherine: Frank Maddox - bad-ass bounty hunter on his way down. Loses his rep, loses his edge ... Warrick: Loses his manhood. Guess he thought he had nothing left to live for. Catherine: Except maybe one thing: Going out with his boots on. (Quick flashback to: [EXT. MASLOW PARK - NIGHT] FRANK MADDOX sits on the park bench and sets up the gun with the balloons.) Catherine: (V.O.) He picks a known hot spot, and waits until it gets dark. (He stands up and points the gun to the back of his head ... ) Catherine: (V.O.) Angles the gun down... (... and fires. He falls to the ground, releasing his hold on the gun and the balloons.) Catherine: (V.O.) ... and the balloons make it look like murder. (The balloons carry the gun up.) (Different angle on the balloons rising and the dead body on the ground.) (Various angles of the balloons carrying the gun up.) Warrick: (V.O.) On a windy night, a balloon can go for miles. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Until ... (CATHERINE lifts up her glasses and looks closely at the tree where she sees the red rubber of the burst balloon.) (Quick flashback to: The weight of the gun pulls the worn balloons down into the tree where it bursts on the branches. The gun falls to the ground.) (Cut to: NATHAN TIMMEL walks into the back yard and picks up the gun. He looks at it.) Cue Sound: GUNSHOT. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: ... you leave the city to get away from crime, and guns fall out of the sky. (Long camera shot of CATHERINE and WARRICK standing at the base of the tree in the TIMMEL'S back yard.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM sits at his desk reading and listening to Classical music on the player.) (Outside, we see BRASS walk through the hallway and stop just outside GRISSOM'S office door. He looks grimly at GRISSOM when he raises his head to look at him.) Brass: Get your kit. (Without waiting for a response, BRASS walks away. GRISSOM pauses for a moment.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KIRKWOOD RESIDENCE - FRONT WALK -- NIGHT] GRISSOM and BRASS walk up to the crime scene. The OFFICERS there hold the crime scene tape up for them to walk under. As they approach the body on the sidewalk, the CORONERS push a gurney past them. On the other side of the crime scene tape standing in the front walk of the house are the KIRKWOODS. SARA stands next to them. The gurney passes by and GRISSOM sees SUZANNA KIRKWOOD lying in a pool of blood. GRISSOM stares at the body. Suddenly, he looks up and sees MICHAEL KIRKWOOD with his arms around his wife, LINDA -- both staring at their daughter's body. He shifts his gaze slightly and looks directly at SARA Their eyes meet and hold. There are just no words for this. Her tear-filled gaze breaks contact and shifts downward to SUZANNA on the ground between them. ANGLE ON: Camera moves slowly across a top view of the entire scene ... from the KIRKWOODS and SARA ... to SUZANNA ... to the OFFICERS working on the crime scene ... to GRISSOM standing unmoving next to his kit ... to the crowd gathering just beyond the crime scene tape. This is not just another crime scene. Suddenly, SARA moves. She lifts up the crime scene tape and enters the crime scene with her kit. However, without looking up, she walks by the body as BRASS watches her. GRISSOM looks down at SUZANNA. He kneels down next to her and begins to put on this gloves to get to work. The KIRKWOODS stand aside and watch. SARA sits quietly in the car, tears falling from her eyes as she watches the scene in front of her and SUZANNA on the ground. GRISSOM puts on his gloves. Camera holds on GRISSOM.
doc_202	[Scene: The building where Max and Cindy work. Cupid is there leaning against a pole.] Max: Cindy. Cindy: Max. Max: Hi. Cindy: Hi. Max: Working late, huh? Cindy: Yeah, so what else is new, right? (They walk down the stairs. Cupid's ring glows.) Cupid: It's a match. Max: Did you guys survive Y2K alright? Cindy: Sure. If you ask me it's all just a bunch of hype. Max: Exactly. Cindy: I guess I'll see you around? Max: Okay. Take care. Cindy: :Yeah, you too. (Cupid's ring glows and Cindy and Max walk in slow motion.) Cupid: Cindy, I know those last few loves of yours didn't work out. You've been hurt and you're scared. But you've gotta take a risk if you wanna find the real thing. And Max is real. Open up to him. And Max, Cindy's love and compassion awaits you, but she's afraid that you're still in love with your ex-wife. You've got to reassure her. Life's short you two. So, have a better one together, okay? (Cupid's ring glows and they stop moving in slow motion.) Max: Listen, you wanna grab a cup of coffee or something? Cindy: Yeah, sure, I'd like that. Max: Great. [Scene: Cupid is walking along in an alley. Drazi, the demon of hate, grabs Cupid and holds him up against a dumpster.] Drazi: Hello, friend. I've been looking everywhere for you. Cupid: Drazi. Drazi: I knew I'd find ya. Cupid: Yeah, listen Drazi. (Drazi throws Cupid into some wooden boxes.) Drazi: Couldn't leave it alone could ya? You just had to get in the way. Cupid: You crossed the line. Drazi: Crossed the line? I am the line. You're the one that went too far and now you're gonna pay. Cupid: No, wait. (Drazi reaches into Cupid's chest and squeezes his heart.) Cupid: Ahh, you're killing me. Drazi: I could do a lot more than that. A lot more. How does it feel, huh? I can tell ya, I know. Thanks to you, I know what it feels like to have your heart ripped out. You don't want to feel that pain do you? (He throws Cupid on the ground and stands on his arm.) No, I gotta better idea and you're gonna just hate it. (Drazi takes Cupid's ring.) Your little magic ring you use to slip in there between the heart beats, plant your little thoughts of love and I'm gonna borrow it. I'm gonna use it to tear apart some of your more recent unions. Cupid: No, Drazi, no. Drazi: I'm gonna turn love into hate and that hate is going to slowly and painfully kill you. And in the end, you're gonna wish I had ripped your heart out. (He walks away.) Cupid: Drazi! [Scene: Outside the movie theatre. Prue, Jack, Piper, Dan and Phoebe walk onto the sidewalk. Prue and Jack are holding hands and Dan has his arm around Piper.] Phoebe: Fifth wheel cutting in. Piper: Oh, would you stop that. Phoebe: Well, it is a double date. Prue: It would have been a triple date if Kevin hadn't cancelled. Phoebe: I know. It seems to be an epidemic lately. Guys canceling on me. Piper: You know what happens when they cancel. Prue: Ooh, back to square one. Piper: Do not pass go. Phoebe: And all accrued nookie credits are thrown out. Jack: There's a penalty? Prue, Piper, Phoebe: Oh yeah! Jack: You know this glimpse into feminine mystery frightens me to no end so allow me to change the subject. What did you think of the movie? Piper: I liked it. Prue: Loved it except for the bellbottoms. Dan: It was okay, I guess. Piper: Who are you kidding? I heard you sniffle. Dan: Fighting a cold. Piper: Liar. Prue: Jack? Jack: As far as classics go, it was no Dirty Dozen. Phoebe: I slept through it. Jack: You slept through Dirty Dozen? Phoebe: No, Love Story. The last thing I remember is the hockey game. Piper: That was the very beginning. Phoebe: Okay, let me guess. Boy meets girl, grim reaper swipes girl, and boy's left with his hockey skates? Jack: That's the review. Dan: Anybody want a coffee? Jack: I hope so because I am buying. (Prue, Jack, Piper and Dan walk into a coffee shop laughing and giggling. Phoebe walks in and stops, feeling left out. Prue notices her standing there.) Prue: Hey, you're gonna come get coffee, right? Phoebe: I'm just gonna get a cab, call it a night. I'm pooped. Prue: I'm sorry that Kevin backed out on you. Phoebe: His loss. Prue: It is so his loss because you are beautiful, my sister. (Prue hugs her.) Phoebe: You're so beautiful. Alright, go see your man. Have some coffee. Prue: Okay. I love you. Phoebe: I love you too. (Prue walks over to the others. Cupid comes up to Phoebe.) Cupid: I need your help. (He grabs her.) Phoebe: Let go of me. Cupid: Hate will destroy me and everything else if you don't help me. Phoebe: I am warning you, buddy. Cupid: Phoebe, you gotta believe me. I know why you can't find love. Dan: Hey, you, let go of her. (Cupid runs away. Prue and Piper run up to Phoebe.) Piper: Are you okay? Phoebe: Uh, yeah. Prue: What was that about? Phoebe: I'm not sure. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Phoebe walks out of her bedroom and walks over to Piper's room. She knocks on the door.] Phoebe: Piper, you still asleep? (She opens the door and walks in. She notices Piper's bed hasn't been slept in. She walks out and over to Prue's room.) Hey, Prue, guess who got lucky last night? (She opens the door and notices Prue's bed hasn't been slept in either. She walks downstairs and the phone rings.) I'll get it. (She picks up the phone.) Hello? Prue: Morning. Phoebe: Hey, Prue. Did that coffee keep someone up all night? Prue: Believe it or not, all we did was talk. Phoebe: Yeah, right. Prue: No, I swear. We just talked about everything, it was really great. Phoebe: Really? How's he react to the witch part? Prue: Cute. Alright, where's Piper? Phoebe: Oh, she's still at Dan's. Hey, if only I'd bagged Mr. Creepy, we could have scored a Halliwell hat trick last night. Prue: Don't be mad. Phoebe: No, I'm not mad. I'm thrilled for you both. I mean, it's been a long time. You deserve to be happy. (Cupid walks up behind Phoebe.) Cupid: You're gonna need a new lock on that back door. (Phoebe drops the phone, turns around and kicks Cupid in the mouth. He falls onto the stairs.) [Cut to Prue.] Prue: Phoebe? (Prue hangs up and runs out of Jack's place.) [Cut back to the manor.] Cupid: I'm getting rather used to you kicking love in the teeth. Phoebe: Okay, who are you and what do you want? Cupid: More importantly I know who you are Phoebe. And that's why I'm here. I need your help. Charmed Ones kind of help. Phoebe: I will ask again. Who are you? Cupid: You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Phoebe: Try me. Cupid: Well, for lack of a better name, Cupid. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Dan's house. Piper's laying on Dan's bed. Dan comes in carrying a tray with breakfast on it.] Piper: Oh, my. Dan: All eggs over, bacon crisps, a box of jewellery and dried toast. Piper: A box of what? Dan: Would you like the morning paper with that? Piper: What did you do? Dan: It's not a big deal. It's not a ring or anything. But just because it's jewellery, I don't want you to feel like you gotta keep it. If you wanna take it back, you can. Piper: I get it, I get it. (Piper picks up the box.) Dan: You gonna open it? (Piper opens it and there's a diamond necklace in it) Piper: Oh. Dan: Cos if you want to you can take it back. (Piper kisses Dan passionately. Phoebe looks around the corner and tries to get Piper's attention. Piper opens her eyes and sees Phoebe. She stops kissing Dan.) Hey, is something- (Piper freezes Dan.) Piper: Phoebe, what are you doing in here? How did you get in here? Phoebe: We have got a very big problem. (Phoebe pulls Cupid into the room.) Piper, Cupid. Cupid, Piper. Cupid: Hi, sorry to interrupt. Glad to see things are working out for you and Dan. Piper: What? Phoebe: You have to come home really fast. Cupid: Yeah, a demon of hate stole my ring and he's gonna use it to find all the loves that I've put together so he can destroy them, which will in turn destroy me. Piper: Wait a minute. Phoebe: He's telling the truth. The demon's name is Drazi. He's in the Book of Shadows. Cupid: Yeah, Phoebe's already started working on the potion that will vanquish it. Phoebe: And Prue's on her way home. Piper: From where? Phoebe: From Jack's. Okay, hurry. Kiss very fast. (Cupid and Phoebe leave. Piper sits back on the bed in front of Dan.) Piper: Okey dokey. (Dan unfreezes.) Dan: -the matter? Piper: Yes. Um, there is but not with you. There is absolutely nothing the matter with you. But I do have to go. (She gets off the bed.) Dan: Hold it. What happened? I don't understand. Piper: It has nothing to do with you. Dan: Then what does it have to do with? Piper: It's, uh, complicated. (She picks up her clothes.) Thank you for this and you'll see it on me tonight at the club. (She kisses him and leaves.) [Scene: A cafe. Max and Cindy are sitting at a table drinking coffee. Drazi is standing nearby watching them. The ring on his finger glows.] Drazi: Hello, young lovers. [Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Cupid are there.] Prue: So we're actually supposed to believe that you're Cupid? Cupid: You believe in warlocks and demons but you can't believe in me? Piper: Where's the chubby baby? Phoebe: Guys. Prue: And the bow and arrow? Cupid: Where's the warty chins, hooked noses and pointy hats? Prue: Alright, show us something supernatural. Cupid: Drazi took my ring. It's my powers, how I get in. Prue:; Get in? Cupid: People's hearts, to waken love. See, but Drazi's all about hate and he's gonna use the ring to get in the same way. Piper: You're still gonna have to back up the Cupid claim. Cupid: Okay, fine. (He points to Piper.) Dan, (points to Prue) Jack, (points to Phoebe) Clay (points to Prue) Andy. My sincerest condolences. Eric in London, Alec in college, (points to Piper) Not Jeremy the Warlock, Joe in college, Barry in high school, Tim in eighth grade, (points to Phoebe) Ken, Kyle, Steve, Mike, Ken again, Brian, Joel, Martin, Peter, Paul, Tony. Phoebe: Okay, you know I didn't love all those guys, right? Cupid: Yeah, well, they wanted to love you but you're closed hearted. That's what sent them away. Phoebe: My closed heart? I do not have a closed heart. Cupid: Look, if people get the feeling that there's nothing there, then eventually it's hasta la vista, Phoebe. That explains the recent rush of cancelled dates. Prue: Okay, so wait, our past relationships, you made those happen? Cupid: Well, actually, my assignment here's only two years old. I helped you two meet Jack and Dan but most of your prior loves were work from fellow agents. Piper: Agents? Cupid: Oh, yeah. I'm just one of many. We work in secret all over the world making connections Piper: Did you connect me and Leo? Cupid: Uh, no. That was the work of you two. Those connections were forbidden to make for obvious reasons. Phoebe: Um, can we go back to the hasta la vista remark please?. Cupid: We don't have time right now to debate the topic of your closed heart, Phoebe. We gotta finish the potion so we can vanquish Drazi before it's too late. Prue: Okay, so how are we supposed to find him? Cupid: The same way he can find me. We can sense each other. We're connected in a cosmic way. There's a fine line between love and hate. Piper: Oh, brother. Cupid: Hey, don't take Drazi lightly. You guys are in danger as well you know. Phoebe: We're in danger every day. We're used to it. Cupid: Look, if Drazi succeeds, eventually he'll kill the ability to love. And believe me, it's a fate worse than death. [Scene: At the markets. Max is buying some flowers for Cindy. He walks over to her.] Max: Sorry, they didn't have any roses. Cindy: You're too good to be true. I still can't believe this is all happening. Max: Believe it. (They kiss. Drazi appears.) Drazi: Touching. Really touching. Cindy, could you be a bigger fool? He's still sleeping with his ex-wife. He looks at you as a desperate, lonely woman. Easy s*x. Max, she's nothing but a gold digging tramp, who wants to hit your big fat wallet, just as soon marry ya and kill you for the insurance. Bye bye. (He disappears.) Cindy: You pathetic... Max: Bitch! Cindy: Take your damn flowers. Give them to your ex-wife. Max: The bank's closed, baby. You're not laying one finger on this guy's money. Cindy: Screw you. (Max walks on the road.) Max: Up yours! (A car horn beeps and a car hits Max.) [Cut to the manor. Cupid clutches his chest in pain. Piper walks in the foyer.] Piper: Prue, Phoebe. (Prue and Phoebe walk in.) Prue: What's the matter? Piper: I don't know. Phoebe: What's wrong? Cupid: It's Drazi. He's killing love. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: On the street where Max got hit. Max is on a stretcher and a policeman is talking to Cindy.] Cindy: He just walked into the traffic. Dumb ass. Is he gonna die? Policeman: I can't answer that. Cindy: Because he should you know. I don't think I've known anyone who deserves to be hit by a car more than that guy. (Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Cupid pull up in the car. They get out and walk over to Max.) Cupid: It's Max. Piper: Is he one of yours? Cupid: Yeah, I matched him up with Cindy last night. She was afraid to risk love too. Phoebe: Are you picking on me? Cupid: Phoebe, I'm... Phoebe: Do you think it's easy finding love with all the demon hunting we have to do? Cupid: Well, your sisters don't seem to be having any problem. Phoebe: Alright, you know, let's stay focused. We have things to do. Prue: Are you sure Drazi did this? Cupid: Positive. He's still here too. I can feel him? Phoebe: Where? Cupid: There. (Cupid points to him and you can see him standing near by.) Prue: Do you think he knows who we are? (Drazi walks off.) Piper: Apparently. Cupid: He's getting away. Do you have the potion? Phoebe: Yes. (They all start running after him.) We're not gonna catch him. Prue: Piper, freeze him. Piper: He's too far away. Cupid: Well, someone better do something fast. (They approach some steps and Prue sits down. She astral projects.) [Cut to Drazi. Astral Prue appears in front of him.] Drazi: What? Prue: Surprise. (She tries to use her power but it doesn't work.) Uh, whoops, that didn't work. (She grabs a piece of wood and hits him. He falls to the ground. Prue astral projects back into her body.) Ah, ah. Phoebe: Are you back with us? Prue: I think so. Wow, I really gotta get a handle on that. Cupid: I don't understand. Piper: She astral projected. Phoebe: Did you get him? Prue: No, I just slowed him down but you guys go get him, hurry. (They run off while Prue sits on the step recovering from astral projecting.) God, I love this new power. [Cut to Drazi. Phoebe, Piper and Cupid run up to him. Drazi stands up.] Drazi: Hiding behind witches skirts? Piper: Stealing things that don't belong to you? (She freezes him.) Okay, go. (Phoebe throws the potion on Drazi and he unfreezes.) Drazi: What the...? (He starts melting and turns into black stuff. Prue arrives.) Prue: Did you get him? Piper: Did we? Cupid: Sure looks like it. Though, I don't know what happened to my ring. It shouldn't have been affected by what we did to Drazi. Phoebe: So that's it right? We're done? You can just move on. Cupid: In a hurry to get rid of me, Phoebe? Phoebe: Look, Cupid. I know you're just trying to help but did you ever think that I may not be ready for love right now? Cupid: No, you're more than ready. Phoebe: Don't start. Just go. Cupid: Well, I need the ring to get back. I mean, unless you can get me another one but the problem is I need it to get back to them. Prue: Wait, you're stuck here? Cupid: No, actually, you can help me get back home. One more potion, some well-chosen words from the Charmed Ones and I'm on my way. (to Phoebe) Care to help me with that potion? Phoebe: Me? Why me? Cupid: Because you're free tonight, they have dates. Piper: Hey, how'd you know... never mind, scratch that. (Prue and Piper walk off. Cupid stands there smiling at Phoebe.) Phoebe: What are you smiling at? Cupid: You. (They walk off. The black stuff on the ground turns back into Drazi.) Drazi: Well, it looks like you can't kill love after all. But you sure can screw with it. [Scene: P3. Dan, Piper, Prue and Jack are at the bar. Prue's looking at Piper's necklace.] Prue: Very nice. So you like it? Piper: I love it. Dan: Well, thank your sister. She helped me pick it out. Prue: Hey. Okay, guilty. Piper: Well, thank you both and (to Dan) I'll thank you again later. Jack: Wow, if that's all it takes, when can I buy one? (Dan and Piper laugh.) Prue: Okay. (She walks away.) Jack: You know what? Why don't we find a table and get some food. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe and Cupid are making the potion.] Phoebe: So this will send you back? Cupid: When I drink this, you and your sisters say the magic words and I'm gone. Phoebe: I can not believe I am stuck here doing the grunt work while they're... Cupid: Twisting the night away? Don't blame them. Phoebe: No, I'm not blaming anybody. It's just... I'm here... Cupid: Stuck with me. Phoebe: Um, I'm sorry, but did you do something specific to tick Drazi off? Or did he also find your honesty to be a complete and total pain in the ass? Cupid: Drazi fell in love with a mortal woman. I redirected her love towards a mortal man away from Drazi. She's married now, very happy. But Drazi blames me for denying him love. (Phoebe starts stirring some stuff in a bowl really fast.) A hundred slow strokes there. Phoebe: So are you telling me that demons love? Cupid: Uh huh. Frightening stuff. Love of evil, love of fear, sometimes love are the very things they hate. In this case a human being. You know, if a demon can open his heart, there's hope in you too, Phoebe. Phoebe: Okay, you know, my heart is not closed. Okay, it's open, just not to everybody. Cupid: Your heart is closed. Phoebe: I'm picky. Cupid: No, you're terrified. Phoebe: Of what? What am I terrified of? Cupid: You tell me. Phoebe: I don't want to play this game. Cupid: Well, then at least stir correctly. (He stands behind her, puts his arms around her and stirs the stuff in the bowl.) Like that. Phoebe: So, how does this work? Cupid: It's a travel potion with an aphrodisiac. Phoebe: Really? An aphrodisiac? Cupid: Lavender, oysters, rosemary and chocolate and basic caris compound. The key ingredient is desire. Phoebe: Desire? Cupid: Desire to go home. 'Cos home... Phoebe: Is where your heart is. Cupid: Are you afraid of loss? Phoebe: No, I swear if you barf up, it's better to have loved and loss than never to have loved at all, I might just have to... (She smells the potion.) Mmm, it smells really good. Cupid: So tell me, what has not loving gotten you? Phoebe: It's kept me safe. Cupid: Safe from what? Phoebe: From people leaving. Cupid: Your mother? Phoebe: Yeah. Cupid: And your father? Phoebe: And you. Cupid: Are you falling for me? (She walks away from him.) Phoebe: No, I am not falling for you, thank you very much. Cupid: Ladies and gentleman, Phoebe Halliwell - running away from love. Phoebe: You are, Cupid. You're the one that's leaving me. Cupid: Look, Phoebe, what I am is the potential for true love. That's all. Because once you've let love in, it'll never leave. Don't confuse the message with the messenger, Phoebe. It's what you're always done. See, messengers make mistakes, they get lost, they run away, they even die. But the message, open your heart, it comes from life itself. Hear it. For my sake and yours. [Scene: P3. Prue, Piper, Jack and Dan are sitting at a table.] Jack: Having an in with the owners of one of the hottest clubs in town does have its benefits. Dan: Free chicken wings. Jack: Name one. Piper: In pleasure of our company. Dan: And to name two more. Piper: Thank you. (Dan kisses her forehead.) Prue: Bathroom break. Piper. Piper: Alright, yes ma'am. See you boys in a minute. Jack: Alright. [Cut to outside the bathroom. Piper and Prue arrive there.] Prue: God, I have to pee. (Prue looks at Piper's necklace.) You're okay with that aren't you? Piper: Okay with what? Prue: This. I don't really want you mad at me. Piper: Why would I be mad at you? Prue: Because I let Dan buy it for you. Piper: No, Prue, it's okay. It's great. Prue: And you don't wish that it came from Leo? Piper: No, I don't. Really. Prue: I feel strange. Piper: What do you mean? Prue: Well, I mean we have these guys out there waiting for us, who care about us. Correct me if I'm wrong but things are going pretty well right now, right? Piper: Yeah, nothing like a night on the town after a hard day of demon killing. Prue: Yeah, I'm serious. I mean, you know, think about it. I mean, we did great today and now tonight it's like we're just... Piper: Finding a balance in our lives? Prue: Exactly. Piper: I do feel pretty good. Prue: Yeah, I think we're gonna be okay. Piper: Except there's still our little secret. Prue: Oh, Piper, everybody has little secrets including Jack and Dan. Piper: Yeah, unless they're transvestite, Nazi, war criminals with great face lifts, then I think we've got them beat. Prue: Okay, so we're never gonna have normal lives. Piper: Not ever. Prue: That doesn't mean we can't try sometimes. Piper: With someone like Dan perhaps? Prue: With whoever, sweet girl, I just want you loved. Piper: Thanks. Prue: You're welcome. (Someone comes out of the bathroom.) Piper: About time. (They run inside.) [Cut back to Jack and Dan.] Jack: Dan, I will never understand the tandem pit stop thing that women do. Dan: Yeah. Hey, Jack, speaking of mysteries... Jack: Yeah. Dan: You know, Piper has this strange habit of sometimes just sort of... Jack: Vanishing? Dan: Yeah! Jack: Prue does it too. Dan: I figured that. Does it bug you? Jack: A little, but I'm not gonna give her the third degree about it. Dan: No, it's like time just stands still for seconds and when it starts up again she's like a total different person. Jack: Ask her about it. Dan: I know, I have. She gives me the run around. Jack: Then don't ask. (Phoebe and Cupid arrive.) Phoebe: Hey guys, are Prue and Piper around? Jack: Yeah, they're in the ladies room. (to Cupid) Excuse me, have we met? Dan: Yeah, you look really familiar. Cupid: I've been around. Phoebe: Yeah, okay, come on. (Phoebe and Cupid walk away.) Dan: And see that's another thing. There are strange people that always show up at their place. They pop in, they pop out. Who the hell are they? (You see Drazi enter P3.) Jack: It sounds like someone is falling in love. Dan: Yeah, maybe. (Drazi sees Jack and Dan and the ring glows.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Prue and Piper walk out of the bathroom. They see Cupid and Phoebe.] Phoebe: Hey. Prue: Hey yourself. Piper: Cupid. Cupid: Evening ladies. I trust everything's going well? Piper: Very well. Cupid: Prue? Prue: Well, it's a little early to tell but all the signs are pointing to maybe. Piper: Did you get everything we need to send him home? Phoebe: Uh, yeah. He drinks this... (she holds up a bottle) while we say this... (she holds up a piece of paper) and he's gone. Any idea where you wanna do this? Piper: In there. The stock room. Prue: Um, is this gonna take very long 'cos you know? Phoebe: Go tell your boys you'll be back in a few minutes. Piper: Okay. Phoebe: And don't dawdle. (Prue and Piper run out to Jack and Dan.) Cupid: Ain't love grand? [Cut to Jack and Dan. Prue and Piper walk up to them and sit down.] Dan: Welcome back. I was starting to get a little worried there. (Drazi walks over to them.) Drazi: Dan, Piper still loves Leo. Always has, always will. You are nothing more than geographically undesirable. After all, a girl can't get much closer than the stud next door. Jack, Jack, Jack. Does the term transmission man meaning anything to you? You are everything she always knew she never wanted. And now for you, Piper. [Cut back to Phoebe and Cupid. Cupid grabs his chest in pain.] Phoebe: What's the matter? Cupid: I can't believe it. Phoebe: Is it Drazi? Cupid: He's alive. [Cut back to the others. Drazi walks away.] Dan: You know, why don't you just admit it. You're using me to make Leo jealous, aren't you? Piper: Oh, can you just leave him out of this? (Phoebe sees them fighting.) Dan: I'd love to. What about you? Jack: Rebound guy? Is that it? What makes you think I'm gonna take this crap? Prue: What, you think I'm just gonna jump in the sack with you on the second date? Why don't you just drop dead. Piper: I can't believe you're still threatened by him. Dan: You think I'm an idiot? You think I don't know? Phoebe: Uh, you guys. Jack, Dan, Piper, Prue: Shut up! Prue: Fine. Why don't we just end it? Jack: You know what? Fine. Dan: We are dating aren't we? Piper: No, we're not. Not anymore. And you can have that back. (She pulls off the necklace and throws it at him.) Dan: I'm sure Leo can replace it with something that means more anyway. Piper: Probably. Prue: I'm just glad that nothing ever happened. Jack: Yeah, well, you and me both. Prue: Yeah, well, I'm really glad. I mean, I learnt a valuable lesson. Never go out with a jerk. Jack: Thanks for the evening Prue. Prue: Alright, bye. (They start leaving.) Phoebe: Whoa, whoa, wait. Cupid: It's not them, Phoebe. They're caught in Drazi's spell. Phoebe: If he did this, why didn't you sense him? Cupid: Because I thought he was dead. (Prue and Piper turn back around.) Prue: (to Cupid) You're still here? Piper: You know what? None of this would have happened if you would've just left us alone. Now get out. Get out of my club. (Cupid starts to leave.) Phoebe: Where are you going? Cupid: There's nothing I can do. They're trapped. Prue: Oh, we are not trapped. For the first time in my life I see things how they really are. Now whoever you are, whatever you're selling, just get out. Phoebe: No, no. Listen to me. You guys are under a spell. Okay, this is not you. Listen to me. Piper: If you're with him, why don't you go too? Phoebe: What? (Prue and Piper walk away.) No, you guys. (to Cupid) We vanquished Drazi. How is this happening? Cupid: The ring must have saved him. Phoebe: What, so he's invincible now? Cupid: Maybe not. Maybe if destroying the loves that I put together is killing me. Maybe the reverse is true. Patching everything up with everybody just might kill him. Phoebe: But you can't do that without the ring. Cupid: Well, I've got you. Phoebe: I'm sorry. What? Cupid: Your heart is as big and true as anyone I've ever seen, Phoebe. You'll be my ring. Phoebe: I'm flattered, I think. But I have no idea what you're talking about. Cupid: You will. Come on, we've got to start with the first couple Drazi tore apart. Phoebe: Okay. [Scene: Manor. Piper and Prue walk in the living room.] Prue: I can not believe Jack. Who the hell does he think he is? Piper: Jack? What about Dan? We're out on a date and he accuses me of being in love with someone else. Prue: Totally out of line. (They sit on the couch.) Piper: We're better off without them. Prue: Certainly not worth crying over. Piper: I have never hated someone so much in my entire life. Prue: Me either. Piper: Although I have to admit some of the things Dan said were kind of true. I do think about Leo sometimes. Prue: Jack wasn't wrong when he said I was on the rebound. Piper: Still it's all so weird. One minute the four of us are laughing and having a great time Prue: And the next we're acting like we hate each other. Uhh Piper: What? Prue: I was just thinking about Drazi. Piper: No way. He couldn't have had anything to do with this. We vanquished him. Prue: Jack's scum. Piper: So is Dan. Prue: Are you scum? Piper: No, I'm not scum. Prue: I knew you weren't. (They giggle.) [Scene: A building. Phoebe and Cupid are there. They see Cindy.] Cupid: There she is. We've got to hurry. Phoebe: But wait, I'm still not exactly sure what the plan is. Cupid: It's simple. Just talk to her. Phoebe: About what? Cupid: She's just the same as you. Her fears are your fears. Just pretend you're talking to yourself. Here she comes. Hi. Cindy: Do I know you? Cupid: No, but we know you and we know about Max. How is he? Cindy: I don't know. Look, I'm really sorry about what happened. I'm not even sure how it happened but I'm sorry. (She starts to walk away.) Phoebe: Uh, Cindy, Cindy. Look, sooner or later Max's pain will go away. But yours won't. Cindy: Excuse me? Phoebe: I mean, it hasn't yet has it? The pain of love loss deepens if you don't deal with it. Look, I know, I know what it's like, believe me. I close myself off to love too because I was afraid. But you know what? Fear and love can not live in the same house. Cupid: You're getting to her. Phoebe: It's because the people that we love eventually leave us. So, we've given up on love. Cindy: You mean love's given up on me. Phoebe: No, it hasn't. It can't Your fear of loss has lift you paralyzed. Believe me, I know. But you can change that. You can take the risk and love again. I mean, hey, they don't call it lovers leap for nothing, right? Cindy: What? Cupid: Actually, lovers leap is a reference to suicide. Phoebe: Oh. Let me rephrase that. Go to Max. Push through what ever hate or fear or doubt you think might exist between both of you. Just tell him what's in your heart. Cindy: I love him. Phoebe: Then tell him that. Now. Before it's too late. Cindy: Who are you? Phoebe: Messengers. Cindy: Thank you. (She leaves.) Cupid: I'm starting to fell better already. You were good. Phoebe: I was good wasn't I? Cupid: Yes ma'am. Phoebe: So why do I feel that was more for my sake than for Cindy's? Cupid: Because in order to let love in, you have to overcome the obstacles within yourself. Phoebe: You know, we have to go reconnect Prue and Piper's love connection before it's too late. Cupid: You know the more couples we put back together, the more Drazi's gonna come looking for me wherever I am. Phoebe: Isn't that the plan? Cupid: Yeah. I just wanted to make sure you knew what you're getting yourself into. [Scene. Hospital. A doctor is wheeling Max down the hallway in a wheelchair. Cindy comes up to him holding a bunch of flowers.] Cindy: They didn't have any roses. Max: Cindy. Cindy: I am so sorry for whatever happened today. I don't know what came over me. Max: It's okay. It doesn't matter. I didn't mean it either. None of it. Cindy: Really? Max: Really. [Cut to Drazi. He doubles over in pain.] Draze: Cupid. Do you think you can undo what I've done? You're dead. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. The doorbell rings. Piper opens the door.] Jack: This better be good. Piper: Am I supposed to know what you're talking about? Dan: Don't buy the innocent act. She pulls it all the time. Piper: I beg your pardon? Jack: Just cut to the chase, Piper. Why did you call? Piper: What? I didn't. (Jack stands at the bottom of the stairs and calls out to Prue.) Jack: Prue, I wanna talk to you. Dan: Isn't this your number? "Come to my house a.s.a.p." Piper: That's really pathetic. Paging yourself? Dan: Pathetic? Jack: Prue! Piper: I'm sorry, I meant moronic. (Prue comes down the stairs.) Dan: What? Prue: Why are you here? Jack: You called. Prue: Oh, you wish. Piper: What is going on? (Phoebe and Cupid enter.) Phoebe: Hate and it's gotta stop. I asked Jack and Dan to come over her. Piper: And what is he still doing here? Cupid: Trying to help you. Prue: No reason to hang around here, that's for sure. Phoebe: Oh, on the contrary. Everyone on the couch now. Jack: Phoebe, just mind your own business. Prue: Hey, don't talk to my sister like that. Cupid: Please. Phoebe: Okay, everyone on the couch now. Come on. [Cut to Drazi. He's in a car park. He's still in pain.] [Cut back to the manor.] Piper: Phoebe, I don't understand. Phoebe: Okay, well be quiet and you will. (Dan and Piper sit on the couch next to Prue and Jack.) Dan: (to Cupid) You don't look okay. Are you alright. Cupid: I'm having a rough day. Phoebe: But we can change that. You are all acting like you are under some kind of spell. Prue, Piper: Phoebe. Phoebe: Would you stop thinking and just feel. Look, I know that some ugly things were said tonight but you can get past that. Prue: Assuming that we want to. Phoebe: You know you want to. Cupid: Remember how you felt the first time you saw Jack? Jack: How would you know? Prue: Yeah, I hated him. Cupid: My point exactly. Opposites attract. But after a while he started to make you smile didn't he? He made you laugh. Look at him again. Remember that. (Prue and Jack look at each other and Prue smiles slightly.) Phoebe: And Piper, I watch you when you talk to Dan and I see light and warmth and hope and I know you feel that way. And Dan, you don't need someone whispering in your ear telling you not to trust Piper. Trust yourself. Dan: (to Piper) I'm not saying you have to tell me everything but when you deliberately keep secrets from me I... Piper: It's not because I want to, I told you it has nothing to do with you. Dan: But does it have anything to do with Leo? Piper: No, it has to do with you and me and what I would like us to become. Cupid: It's working. Phoebe: Where is he? Cupid: He's close. Phoebe: Okay, okay, here's the plan. Jack, Dan, you go down to the corner market and get whatever you want. If the food of love is Cheetos and soda, then play on. Um, can you pick up a couple of frozen pizzas? Jack: (sarcastic) So you can talk. Phoebe: Yes, that's very good, Jack. Very good, you're quick. Dan: I'll drive. Phoebe: Yeah, okay, take your time. Bye, bye. (Jack and Dan leave.) Prue: Hey, what the hell is going on? Phoebe: Okay, think you guys. Do you remember Drazi? Well, he's still alive and if Cupid's right, he's on his way here as we speak. Whatever bad feelings you had for Dan and Jack, Drazi did it. He's twisted your relationships with hate. Piper: So what do we do now? Phoebe: Exactly what you're doing right now. You let Dan and Jack into your hearts. Prue: Okay, hold on. I don't love Jack. Cupid: No, but you like him a lot. And it's helped you open to love. (Drazi walks around the corner and grabs Cupid.) Drazi: Hello, lover boy. (Drazi reaches in Cupid's chest and grabs his heart.) I should of finished you off the first time. (Piper freezes them.) Piper: Okay, so much for loving him to death. What do we do with him now? Phoebe: Same thing, only different. Prue: Been there, blew that. Phoebe: Yeah, the only difference is the ring won't be protecting him... (she takes the ring off Drazi's finger) it will be protecting him. (She puts the ring on Cupid's finger.) Piper: How can you be sure? Phoebe: I can't. (She grabs a bowl full of the potion off the table.) But love is a risk. If he's taught me anything it's that. (She throws the potion on Drazi and they unfreeze.) Drazi: No, no. No, not again! (He starts melting and he turns into black stuff and disappears.) Piper: Is he gone this time? Cupid: Yeah, he's definitely gone. Piper: How do you know? Cupid: Because I've never felt better. (to Phoebe) I knew you could do it. And now I have to go. Phoebe: I know. Cupid: I won't be far. Don't mourn me, Phoebe. Remember me, celebrate me and seek me out. (He kisses Phoebe and disappears.) Phoebe: Now that boy can kiss. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside the movie theatre. Jack, Dan, Prue and Piper are there. They just saw "The Dirty Dozen".] Dan: You gotta remember though the mission was successful. Bronson made it home. Jack: Just in time to make death wish. Prue: Oh, no. Jack: You'll love it, I promise. (Phoebe's walking behind them. Kevin walks up to Phoebe.) Kevin: Sorry, Phoebe. I almost forgot to get our parking validated. Phoebe: No problem, Kevin. Kevin: Hey, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry that I cancelled on you the other day. Phoebe: Love means never having to say you're sorry. Kevin: What? Phoebe: It's nothing. We saw "Love Story" here the other night and... never mind. Kevin: I love that movie. Phoebe: Really? Kevin: Yeah. Phoebe: Me too... now. (They catch up to the others who is waiting for them.) Prue: Hi. Phoebe: Hello. Jack: Let's grab some coffee. I am buying.
doc_203	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] NCIS THEME Black-and-white snapshot of Jenny. In her office, Jenny is asleep. She dreams of her father and attends his suicide. She awoke roughly when her father shot. She closes a drawer which contain a gun. In La Grenouille's limo Jeanne: My father knows everything about you. La Grenouille: Only what my daughter tells me. Jeanne: And I tell hil everything. Tony laught nervously followed by Jeanne most naturally. Tony: That's great. So here we all are, on aour way to... Where exacty are we headed? La Grenouille: I dont' know. Breakfast? A chance for us to get know each other. Jeanne nodds. La Grenouille: I'm sure you have lot of questions. I know I do. Jeanne: My apartment first, papa. You wouldn't believe the night we've had. Tony squirms on the seat and tries to quietly take his phone while Jeanne continues to speak. He can not. Jeanne: I was very frightening. Tony: Yes, your daughter is very impressive with a scalpel, Mr Benoit. La Grenouille: Please, Rene. Jeanne (to Tony): You never told me you could shoot. Tony: Well I can't, clearly. I missed Jeanne: On purpose. René Benoit: There was a shooting in the hospital? Tony: It's a long story Rene. René Benoit: We have all week-end. Tony: Well, it's really more of Jeanne's long story than mine. Jeanne: There was this crazy young guy who tried to smuggle heroin into the country and he got hit by a car... Tony tries to quietly take his phone under the suspicious gaze of René. Jeanne: .... one of the bags in his stomach burst but we didn't know until it was too late. And then ... She is interrupted by the ringing of his topper. Jeanne: I forgot to sign the death certificate to release the body. Sorry Papa. René Benoit (to his driver): Henry, back to the hospital. Henry: Yes sir. Tony: Well, I guess breakfast is gonna have to wait. René Benoit: And all those intriguing questions. The elevator doors opened, Ziva is inside. She starts to step out but McGee is before the gates. Ziva and McGee (in the same times): What're you doing here? Ziva: I asked first. McGee: Well, technically, Ziva, I think that if we were to put that to a test, you'd find that it was too close to call. But since my parents raised a gentleman, and yours raised a killer, I was deffraging my computers. Ziva: Liar. She goes to the office talking. Ziva: Have you heard from Tony? McGee: You came into the office on a Saturday morning because you're worried about Tony? Ziva (Seeing the remains of food on McGee's desk): You have been here all night? McGee: Is that a question or a statement? Ziva: Question. McGee: It sounded more like a statement. Ziva: Demands a answer. McGee: Yes, I've been here all night. Ziva: Fragging the computers? McGee: "Deffraging". You need to work your inflections when you're asking a question. For example, why are you worried about Tony? Ziva: He was supposed to meet us at the bar last night. He did not arrive, did not call. He's not answering his home phone or his cell phone. Do you have the number to his second cell phone? McGee: The one he uses for his private calls? Ziva: Yes. McGee: No. Ziva sees Gibbs' desk with food on it. Ziva: Gibbs was here all night too. Are we a team McGee? Gibbs' voice: Morning Ziva. He arrives. Gibbs: Nothing better to do on a Saturday morning? Ziva: Teams do not have secrets Gibbs. And if you do not tell me what you were both doing here last night, McGee know he will... Ziva smiles. Ziva: ... eventually. Hospital's parking The limo parks. Jeanne goes out followed of Tony. Jeanne: Won't be long. Tony: I can come with you if you want Jeanne: No need. He won't bite. It starts, Rene out of the limousine from the other side and Tony beeps Jenny on her cell phone. René Benoit: Coffee? Tony: Coffee would be great. René Benoit: Good. While we wait, you can tell me how you stole my daughter's heart. They move away from the limo. Abby's lab The director enters, Abby is asleep on the floor. Jenny sees that the research she had given to Abby has a result. The analysis reveals that the fingerprints taken on glass is one of Jasper Shepard, her father. Jenny erases all the results and Abby wakes with a start. Abby: I'll get it. I'll get it. Director. Jenny: I'm sorry for keeping you here all night Abby. Abby: You know what, that's okay. It's not the first time I've woke up on the floor. And not just his floor. Not that I make it a habit of passing out on floor. And not that this isn't a really comfortable floor. If I had to... I'm awake now. Jenny's phone rings. It is the cell coverage of Tony, but she did not have time to respond. Jenny: Thank Abby, you can go now. Abby (looking at her computer): Did we have a match. Jenny: No. She leaves the lab. Abby: Poor guys. Humming away all night and for nothing. She taps on his keyboard and context "delete search" appears. Abby: What search result? Jasper Shepard's photo appears. Abby: This is not good. Ziva: Why would the CIA come after the director? Gibbs: You tell me. Ziva: Protecting their asset. McGee: La Grenouille. Ziva: Does the director know? Jenny's voice: Know what? She comes. McGee: That it's Saturday, and we are all here on our day off, because we love our jobs. Ziva: Except for Tony who is missing. Jenny: McGee, I want you to triangulate a cell number: 202-555-0177. Gibbs: DiNozzo in trouble? Ziva: I knew it. McGee is tapping on his keyboard, Gibbs looks over his shoulder. Jenny: The woman Tony has been seeing, Jeanne Benoit, is la Grenouille's daughter. McGee: He's been on assignment? Gibbs has came himself in front of Jenny. Gibbs: You did plan to tell us at some point? Jenny: If it led us to her father, yes Gibbs: Yeah, did it? Jenny: I don't know. Gibbs: You wanna tell us what you do know director? Jenny: Tony just contacted me unsing his alias's cell. It was a prearranged signal using only in emergency if he thought his cover had been blown. McGee: Triangulating. He displays the result on the plasma. Ziva: Anthony DiNardo, cute. Jenny: I want this fed to MTAC and I want satellite coverage. McGee: On its way. Before hospital Tony and Rene Benoit take cafes. René Benoit: So, what did Jeanne tell you about me? Tony: Oh, everything. World's greatest dad. René Benoit: Children want to believe the best of their parents. I'm sure you believe your father is a good man? Tony: He was. René Benoit: Still, love has a way of blinding us to the imperfections. They walk. Tony: It's still live René Benoit: True. And we both love Jeanne . Tony: Yes we do. René Benoit: Are you going to break my daughter's heart? Tony: No, sir, not if I can help it. René Benoit: Sometimes we lie to the people we love in order to protect them, true? Tony: You've lied to Jeanne? René Benoit: Well, have you? Jeanne leaves hospital. Tony: Here she comes. Tony grabs him by the waist. Jeanne: Done. Now let's get out of here before they remember something else Tony: I have to move my car, because... Jeanne: They'll tow you for sure. They are murder around here. René Benoit: We wouldn't want that. Stay close. Wouldn't want to lose you. Tony: No chance of that. Everyone goes to his car. NCIS, MTAC The street plan of the city is displayed, a diamond marks the position of Tony. McGee: He's on 22nd Street Northwest outside Monroe University Hospital. Jenny: He's on the move. McGee: He must be in car. Jenny: How long until get satellite coverage? McGee: At least 15 mins. Looking annoyed Gibbs sat in a chair, coffee in hand. McGee: Or we could patch into D.C's traffic-cam system. See if we can locate him on the traffic-cam management. Gibbs: Do it. Jenny (to Ziva on the phone): Anything? Ziva: Still not answering. Shall I try his undercover cell phone? Jenny: Put it on speaker. (Tony messaging, music of 20th Century Fox): Hi, you've reached Professor Tony DiNardo. Leave a message and I will get back to you. I promise. Jenny: His cover is teaching film online at American University. Ziva (to McGee): Tony, a teacher? McGee: No wonder he's been compromised. Whose bright idea was that? Jenny: Mine. McGee's computer beeps . McGee: We're in. Jenny: Bring it up. Images of the movement appear on the big plasma. McGee: Got it. Overlaying the cell-phone signal. Ziva: Tony's car. McGee: Tony DiNardo's car. Gibbs: How deep is his cover? Jenny: Deep enough to withstand the sort of scrutiny la Grenouille can bring to bear. Gibbs: You better hope so. McGee: West on M Street. Jenny: No one else is in the car with him. She tries to call him. McGee: He's turning north onto 29th Street. Ziva: trafic speed. No sign of dureless. Jenny: His cell phone is still of. Ziva: No one seems to be tailling him. Gibbs: Maybe he's the one doing the tailling. McGee: Still on 29th. Tony's car exploses. The whole team was surprised. Jenny: Oh my God! Black and white snapshot: Gibbs The staff and the director arrived at the place where Tony's car has explosed. Firefighters deviate to let the team work. We see a charred body bent over the wheel of the car. Gibbs: McGee. McGee looks at the car and can not be detached. Gibbs: McGee! McGee out of its torpor and takes pictures of the particular weapon and the phone while Jenny looks at Tony's body and found an object. Jenny (to McGee): Hey, that some of timer device? McGee leans over and takes the object photographed. McGee: Ten bucks in most electrical stores. Probably activated when the ignition turned on. Ziva took the car photo. McGee: ... Count down however long you need it to. When it reached zero... Jenny gets up and walks to Ducky who examined the body, Gibbs by his side. Ducky: Shock wave would have killed him before the fire. Death would have been instantaneous. Small mercies, my dear boy. Jenny: Identification? Ducky: The general build, height, weight are about right. Most of the epidermis and dermis on the hands and fingers have been burned off, so no fingerprints. We need to get his dental records for positive identification. And there is any chance that it's not Tony? Jenny: None that I can think of. She walks away. Ducky (to Gibbs): She blames herself. Gibbs nodded. Ducky: Should she? Gibbs: Let me know when you finish, Duck. He goes in turn. Ziva on his side the badge photograph of Tony. McGee is with her. McGee: You believe in miracles, Ziva? Ziva: Not part of my training. McGee: That might be not Tony. They both look the car silently. Abby's lab. It removes the evidence found at the scene of the accident. Gibbs is also there. Abby: Tony is not dead Gibbs. Not until Ducky says it's him. Until then, he's just... he's not here. And I don't care what the evidence says. Even if everything here belongs to Tony, it's still not him until Ducky says that it's him. And don't try to tell me anything different, because I'm not gonna believe you. She freezes. Abby: Tell me it's not him Gibbs. Tell me it's not him. She takes Gibbs in his arms. Gibbs: I wish I could Abby. She departs from him and goes to his computer. Abby: I need to be alone right now with the gang. I've got work to do. Gibbs sees the bottle of scotch and glass that gave Jenny the analysis. He takes gloves. Gibbs: Abby, how did these get here? Abby: Director Shepard swore me to secrecy when she brought those in and asked me to run them for the prints, so I can't tell you. He took off the gloves and approached her. Gibbs: Any other secrets you can't tell me? Abby: No. It's just that one. Because when director Shepard said that there wasn't an AFIS match, and then tries to hide the results from me, she actually didn't swear me to secrecy, so that is not a secret. Gibbs: Who was the match? Abby: Her father. Gibbs: Her father has been dead for 12 years, Abby. Abby: No, not according to AFIS. She taps on his keyboard and displays the results. Abby: That is a ten-point match, Gibbs. These are new prints. There's no way Director Shepard's father is dead. Director's Shepard office Jenny looks out the window. Gibbs is in his office. Jenny: I burried my father Jethro. I know he's not comming back. But someone is going to great lenghts trying to convince me he's alive. She turns and faces Gibbs. Gibbs: We've got a polygraph test Monday. Jenny: Routine. Gibbs: They're targeting someone. Jenny: Me? Gibbs: So I've been told. Jenny: I've never failed a polygraph. I'm not abour to start. Gibbs: And if they asked you about your father? Jenny: He's dead. Gibbs: Any doubt, any hesitation will raise a red flag. Jenny: There is no doubt. Gibbs: I saw his fingerprints. Jenny: My father's dead. Gibbs: Subject displayed emotional instability suggesting delusional belief her father isn't dead. Next question. We just put her on medical leave or we fire her? Jenny defies Gibbs. Gibbs: Opération Lodestone, you know it? Jenny: Should I? Gibbs: Black op, focused on weapons control and arms proliferation. Jenny: Not one of ours. Gibbs: CIA. Jenny: My father's job at the Pentagon was in a field of arms control. He was under investigation for accepting a bribe when he was killed. Gibbs: Coroner says he took his own life. Jenny: He was murdered. Gibbs: Proof? Jenny: None, but I know who's responsible. Gibbs: The same guy you sent one of my agents after? Jenny: One of my agents. A deep undercover operation that I ran on a need-to-know basis. Gibbs sighed and headed toward the exit. Jenny: And Jethro if you think I'm obsessed with la Grenouille because of what's happened to my father, you're wrong. Gibbs: You may wanna skip this polygraph test Monday. Gibbs leaves. McGee looks again the images of the explosion of the car. Ziva is at her desk. Ziva: Must you keep doing that? McGee: Just checking something Gibbs said. Tony wouldn't have carried it with him, you know. His shield and ID, not if he was undercover. And he would have stashed it in the car, maybe under the seat. Just because we found his ID doesn't mean it's Tony. Ziva: His car, his ID, his weapon, both of his cell phones, McGee? McGee sits on the edge of the office of Gibbs and rewinds the video. Ziva gets up and comes near him. Ziva: What was is that Gibbs said that you thought needed checking? McGee: He thought Tony might be talling someone. They will view the video. Ziva (outstretched hand to the screen): Stop it there. Take it back. McGee rewinds. A limousine is displayed. Ziva: It's a limousine. It was on the previous camera. It's on every camera. McGee: He was following that limousine. He goes to his computer. Ziva: Where is Gibbs? Ducky's autopsy room Ducky is currently disequations lung. Palmer is at his side, winning in a small jar that is Ducky. Ducky: Another shrapnel, lower left lobe. He puts it in the little jar. A bell rang. Palmer: Blood test are back. He take the paper. Ducky: What type? Palmer: A+ Ducky: And Tony's? Palmer looks into the computer. Palmer: A+ Ducky sighed. Ducky: Yes, well, 34 percent of the nation's population share the same blood group, let's not go drawing any conclusions. Well, await the dental records before making a positive ID. in the meantime,.... It begins to dictate his report, Palmer is taking notes. Ducky: ...the lungs: penetratives shrapnel damage, middle and lower left lobes. Otherwise, heathly tissue. Non-smoker, minimal scarring. Palmer (writing): Minimal scarring. Ducky: Minimal scarring. Palmer: I got that doctor. Ducky: Yes but Mr Palmer, how could he? Palmer: How could he what, sir? Ducky: Have minimal scarring in both lung. He takes a knife and cut the lung. Palmer: Healthy living? Ducky: Yersinia pestis, y pestis. Palmer: The pneumonic plague? Ducky: Yes, the plague Mr Palmer. This man has never had the plague. They smile. Ducky starts from. Ducky: He's never had the plague. Palmer: No, he has never had the plague. Ducky: He never had this damn plague. He took off his gloves and threw them in Palmer. Palmer laughed. Ziva, McGee and the director are before the plama. Gibbs stands a little further. Ziva: The limousine is leased to a shell company. The parent company is EuroFreight. McGee: Head office is in Luxembourg. Ziva: The principal behind the company is Rene Benoit. McGee: Tony could been followed la Grenouille. Ducky arrives and goes to Gibbs. Ducky: I'm sorry to differ Timothy but he wasn't. (To Gibbs) Look, Tony contracted pneumonic plague, I'm sure everyone can remember. Ziva: Before my time. McGee: He almost died. Ducky (to Ziva): From severe pneumonia. (To everyone) As a result, his lung would have been extensively scarred. Unlike the almost pristine lung of the man currently in autopsy. The body on which I am performing an autopsy is not Tony's. All smiles. Jenny: If it's not Tony, then who is it? Gibbs: And where is DiNozzo? Black-and-white snapshot of Jenny Jenny is in front of the plasma, McGee and Ziva to their office. Gibbs looks over the shoulder of McGee. Jenny: I wanna know everything about this company. Bank statements, telephone records, personnel. McGee: Hard drive's spinning up now. Jenny: Everything Tim. If la Grenouille is in D.C, this could lead us to him. Gibbs: Or DiNozzo. Jenny: Well, obviously DiNozzo is our first priority. Gibbs: Ziva, start with the hospital. Find out when DiNozzo left and with whom. Ziva: And who was driving his car. Got it. Trent Kort arrives. Kort: Director Shepard. Jenny: Mr Kort. An unannounced visit by the CIA usually means someone's in trouble. I trust it isn't you. Kort watching everyone. Kort: Where is he? Jenny: It depend on who "he" is. Kort: DiNozzo. McGee rises. Jenny: I honestly don't know. And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you until you explain to me why you're looking for me so urgently. Kort: Le Grenouille flew to D.C this morning. He didn't arrive at his safe house... Gibbs rises of his office. Kort: ... and his satellite phone has stopped transmitting. Gibbs: Mislaid your arms dealer? That's gonna be embarrassing. Kort: I don't know what NCIS is up to, but I want a private briefing in your office now. Jenny: I'll decide what briefing you get and where you get it, Mr Kort, and if we have a problem with that, why don't you have your director give me call. Kort: You are jeopardising one of the most important long-terme covert operations the agency has ever conducted. Gibbs: Operation Lodestone. Kort: You're not read in on Lodestone. Gibbs: Ok, so read us in. Jenny: Unless the CIA just believes in one-way trafic. Kort: This is not going to end well for you. He heads toward the elevator followed by everyone. Gibbs: Special agent DiNozzo's car was bombed this morning but I guess you know that. Kort: He wasn't in it. Jenny: Thanks for sharing. Kort: The agency has nothing to do with it. Gibbs: Is that when you mislaid your frog, in all that confusion? The elevator doors opened on Tony who laught when he see Kort. Tony: Hey, my car blew up this morning. Did you do that? Kort took him by the collar and the plate against the wall. Kort: Where did you go with la Grenouille? Tony turns his head and it means the team all weapons out and pointed at Kort. He lets Tony. Tony: Actually he prefers René. Arms dealers get very touchy about their code names... The team lowers his arms. Tony: ... "The Frog" has a kind of slimy overtone to it. Maybe you should keep that in mind for next time. You could use it yourself. Kort: We will find him, DiNozzo. Tony: You may wanna take the stairs. I had a little upset tummy this morning. Kort enters the elevator. Tony: Happy frog-hunting. (To the team). What, no balloons? [SCENE_BREAK] In director's office Tony, Jenny and Gibbs watches the video of the explosion of the car. Tony: That was more exciting live. They all sit around a table. Tony in front of Gibbs. Jenny: You saw it? You were there? Tony: Saw it, heard it, felt it. Jenny: You can start whenever you're ready. Tony: He was waiting when I left the hospital this morning with Jeanne. She'd arranged it. It was her little surprised, I guess. Meet the parents: Part 2. I hat sequels... Gibbs smiles. Tony: ... Figured my cover was blown as soon as saw him. Turned out he'd know for months. Gibbs: Kort? Tony: Probably. I tried talking my way out if it. [SCENE_BREAK] Tony gets into his car in the garage of the hospital. [SCENE_BREAK] Tony: Made it as far as my car. [SCENE_BREAK] René Benoit: Tony! Tony: Crap! René Benoit: These's no need to take your car. Henri will drive it. You come with Jeanne and me. Tony: Oh, that's really nice of you. I gotta go, I really ... I need to go home and change... René Benoit: I will have to insist, agent DiNozzo. Tony gets out of the car. Tony (to Henri): Be careful with the second. It tends a stick a little. Henry: Your cell-phone? Tony gives it to him. René Benoit: Both of them. [SCENE_BREAK] Jenny: Did la Grenouille tell Jeanne who you were? Tony: They didn't miss a beat. Pretended everything was fine. That didn't last long. I could see this guy driving my car a few car lenght behind us when...boum. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the limo. Behind her, Tony's car explodes. René Benoit (to Jeanne): Stay down. (To the driver) Allez!!! [SCENE_BREAK] Tony uses a drink of water. Jenny: What was la Grenouille's first reaction? Tony: That he was the target. He drinks, sighs. Tony: I'm not so sure. Gibbs: You think it was you, Tony? Tony: It was my car, boss. And we have certainely pissed off the agency a lot lately. Well, the director and I have pissed off the agency a lot lately. Although, mainly me. Gibbs: For what it's worth, Kort denied the agency involvement. Tony: That's because Kort doesn't play by agency rules. The guy's got a hair trigger. Jenny: Where did la Grenouille take you? Tony: Well, kind of blew away the breakfast plans. Blew away a lot of things. Jenny: Jeanne. Tony: It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Jenny: You never really thought it could end any other way, did you? Tony: You mean, other than badly? Jenny: You're not supposed to fall in love with him. Tony: Thank you so much for that, director. I am gonna keep that in mind for next time. Wait a second, there's not gonna be a next time. Jenny: What did Jeanne say? Tony: Nothing I'm gonna tell you. Jenny: Agent DiNozzo! Tony: Nothing you need to know, director. Furious sight from Jenny but proud from Gibbs. Jenny: Where is la Grenouille? Tony: I don't know. He dropped me off at the main gate. Drove west. Probably heading to California. He was driving pretty fast. He could even be there now. Talk about his future. Gibbs: Yeah? About what? Tony: Doesn't think he has one. Jenny: Probably doesn't. Tony: He wants out. Gibbs: Kort knows. Tony: That would explain why he's so desperate to find him. The CIA is about to lose one of its most prized assets. Jenny: What exactly does he mean by "out"? Tony: Well, he's gonna call and arrange a meeting. And give himself up. Because he says NCIS is the only agency he trusts. Ziva is on the phone. Ziva: What time? Did she say how long she would be gone? McGee arrives and gives him coffee. He sits on the edge of the desk. Ziva: No, no, I understand. Thank you. Tony McGee arrives and slaps on the back of the head, then will move to his office. McGee: What was that for? Tony: Believing I was dead. McGee: Hey, I never believe that you were dead. Ziva was the one that gave up on you. She gives him a punch on the arm. Ziva (to Tony): Don't even think about the head slap. Is everything cool with the director and Gibbs? Tony takes his phone. Tony (to Ziva): Beyond cool. Almost icy. Ziva: You seem anxious. Tony: I'm fine. Anyone call for me? McGee: No. Ziva: If you're calling the hospital, she's not there. She called the ER to let them know she was going away for a few days. Tony hangs up the phone violently. Tony: Going where? Ziva: She did not tell them. Tony: Well... Ziva: She knows? Tony: She knows. Ziva: What are you going to do? Tony: I am gonna wait until the morning and then talk to her. Abby comes screaming and runs into the arms of Tony. Abby: Tony! I knew you were all right. I knew it. Everybody else give up for dead, even Ziva. Ziva (a paper cup in the hands): Ok, so I may have acted a little hastily. Tony: That's my letter opener. Ziva: Excellent balance and weight. The edge is a little dull but I have always admired it. Tony opens his drawer. Tony: Where is my American Pie coffee mug? Abby: Palmer. Tony: Mighty Mouse stapler? Abby: Ducky. Behind Tony, Ducky tries to discreetly put the staples. Abby: Hey Ducky. Tony turns. Ducky: My dear fellow I never believed it for a moment. Welcome home. He gives the staples to Tony and left. Gibbs arrives. Gibbs: It's not every day people think you are dead DiNozzo. Abby (running to Gibbs): Gibbs, I know who blew up Tony's car. Well not Tony's car, but his alias's car. And not exactly who but more like how and why. McGee: Do you have a motive? Abby: Me? No. But they do. Abby's lab Abby explains his theory to the whole team. Abby: Every bomb-maker has a signature: the components, the way it's assembled. Sometimes right down the colored tape they use to bind it all together. In this case, the components are common to at least 9 others bombs that have gone off in the last 4 years. She goes to his computer and showed pictures of explosions. Abby: I made a match on Interpol. The bombs have gone off all over the world: Algeria, Indonesia, the Middle-East, Chechnya... Ziva: Anything linking the victims? Abby: They were all arms dealers. McGee: The only problem is Tony's not an arms dealer. Gibbs: Girlfriend's father is an arms dealer. Tony: She's been working nights. I pick up her every morning for breakfast. Ziva: You park the car, they strap on the bomb set the timer and walk away. Gibbs: You weren't the target, she was. Tony: Maybe she still is. Gibbs: Take Ziva. Tony et Ziva leaves. Gibbs (to Abby): Good. Director Shepard's house Jenny opens the door of his house, her cell phone rings. Jenny: Hello?. René Benoit: Good evening Madam Director. Jenny: Good evening. I've been told you wanna meet me. René Benoit: Long overdue. I'm sure. She turns the lights on and closes the doors. Jenny: Just tell me where and when. René Benoit: Now. In you study. La Grenouille is in front of her in her office. René Benoit: Hello, Jenny. Black-and-white snapshot of a boat. Jeanne's apartment Tony and Ziva arrives at the apartment of Jeanne. They enter. Tony: Jeanne? The cupboards are empty. Jenny's house Jenny and la Grenouille are in the office thereof. She stays away from him. René Benoit: So here we are at last. Face to face. Jenny: Not quite the way I expected to meet. René Benoit: Nor I. I must compliment you for your pursuit. They settled in a chair, Jenny is behind his desk. René Benoit: I actually like your agent DiNizzo. Jenny: So does your daughter. René Benoit: Very much, yes. Jenny: What do you want from us? René Benoit: Well, a sanctuary, assylum. Call it what you will. In return of my extensive knewledge of the arms market, I want protection for my daughter. Jenny: Protection from whom? Gibbs enters. Gibbs: Whoever tried to kill his daughter this morning. René Benoit rises. René Benoit: Agent Gibbs, I believe. Well, it's true. My ennemis come for my daughter. They wanna see me suffer. But she's safe. For the time being. Gibbs: Which ennemis? René Benoit: I have many. Jenny: Why now? Gibbs: This have something to do with Operation Lodestone? René Benoit: He's well informed. Jenny: Read us in. René Benoit: On what? The arrogance to the CIA to do what? Make me the biggest arms dealer in the world? Gibbs: You control the illegal arms trade, the CIA controls you. René Benoit: That was the idea. Until you came along and someone found out. Another arms dealer perhaps. And I'm running out of time. I can no longer trust Kort. Gibbs: Did you ever? Jenny rise. Jenny: This isn't the first time you were in this study. René Benoit: No. I met your father here on occasion. Many years ago. Jenny: Tell me about us. René Benoit: He was a fine man. He had a couscience. One day, it got the better of him. Jenny: You believe the story that my father took a bribe while overseeing an arms-reduction treaty? René Benoit: Well, sadly, that's not a story. It's a fact. Jenny: How do you know? René Benoit: Because I paid him that bribe. She pulls out a gun from his drawer and points to la Grenouille. Jenny: No. You killed him because he wouldn't take it. René Benoit: Well, I can understand how hard that is to accept. My daughter is... she's facing the same struggle. Jenny round the office and is placed in front of the trafficker. Gibbs (to Jenny): It's not loaded. I guess he beat you to it. René Benoit: I didn't want you to do anything rash before I had a chance to explain myself. I need your protection. Jenny: You have the bullets. Take the damn gun. Protect yourself. She puts the gun in his hands. René Benoit: You're sign my death warrant. Jenny: Twelve years overdue. He put a card on the desk. René Benoit: Here's my number in case you change your mind. Jenny: You'd better leave before I do. René Benoit: I hope my daughter is as loyal to her father as you are to yours. He leaves the house. Jenny is drinking a scotch. Gibbs: You just let your personal obsession get in away of your professional responsability. Jenny: That's a lot of crap, and you know it, Jethro. There no deals for men like him. You wanna chase after him right now and arrest him without a warrant, you go right ahead. But we both know that Kort will have him out before breakfast. Gibbs: Then get your damn warrant. Jenny: You get a warrant. But you'd better do it fast before his friends get him first. Gibbs: If the weapon was loaded, and I wasn't here, would you have pulled the trigger? Jenny: I guess we'll never know. He put a charger on her desk and leave. Jeanne's apartment Ziva is a letter from Jeanne, she gives it to Tony. Ziva: On the table. Tony opens it and reads it, then he turned to Ziva a smile. Tony: You ever lie to someone you love, Ziva? Ziva: Yes Tony: They ever forgive you? Ziva: They never found out. Tony: Mine found out. Ziva: He told her. Tony: No. I did. [SCENE_BREAK] Tony and Jeanne are sitting on a bench in a park. La Grenouille is later. Jeanne: I don't understand what's happening? Tony, that was your car. Your car that just... It could have been you. It should have been you. Tony: Tell me you love me. Tell me. Jeanne: I do. It's just everything that's happened... Happened today. Last night, the way you handled things, the gun. The gun firing it the way you did, and now this? It's like you're someone else, Tony. Someone else. Someone I don't know. What is it? In his corner, la Grenouille yells on a phone. Jeanne: You are, aren't you? Someone else. Who? Who are you? Tony: I'm a federal agent. My name isn't Tony DiNardo, it's Anthony DiNozzo and I work for the Naval Criminal Investigative Service. Jeanne: This is all been a lie. A lie? Tony: Jeanne, listen to me. Not all of it, not everything. Just some things. Not the importants things. Jeanne: Why? Just tell me why you did this. What it is I'm supposed to have done. Tell me. Tony: It's not you. He looks at la Grenouille. Jeanne: What? Tony: You should ask him. She leaves, Tony is alone. [SCENE_BREAK] Tony: Well he said she'd come back after she calmed down. I guess he was wrong. Ziva: I will put out a BOLO. We will find her. Tony: She doesn't wanna be found. Ziva leaves and Tony lot sits against the couch. McGee is on his computer, Ziva plays on her cell phone. McGee: No luck? Ziva: Not at home. And he's not replaced his cell phone yet. McGee: Maybe he took the day off. Ziva: Gibbs would have told us. Gibbs arrives a coffee in his hand. Gibbs: Gibbs would have told you officer David? Ziva: If Tony was taking some time off. Gibbs: Yeah, you're right. There always more work to be done when you're a man down on the shift. McGee? McGee: I think I've got something here, boss. I found another one of la Grenouille's shell companies. Similar of the one that leased the stretch limo, only this one leases a yacht down at the Gangplank marina called the Mauritania. Gibbs: How big? McGee: Eighty feet, three state rooms. Ziva checked with the marina management. Someone's been staying there since Saturday. Older guy with an accent. They think he's French. Gibbs: And a younger woman? Ziva: No, he said he was alone. Gibbs: Warrant? Ziva: Just arrived from Legal. It is all in order. They could not guarantee it would not stop a concerted legal challenge from the Agency. Gibbs: Yeah, let them try. Let's go. The team takes its business. Marina The team arrived at the marina to the boat. They are armed and boarded. They searched the boat but it is empty. Ziva: He's gone. McGee: Maybe he was never here. Gibbs find la Grenouille's jacket. Gibbs: He was here. They descend from the boat. McGee: We'll catch up with him eventually. Ziva: Someone will. Gibbs: One day. On the boat, we see a silhouette. In the water floats the body of the frog, shot in the head.
doc_204	Scene: The apartment. Leonard is laying out wine and napkins in front of his laptop. Sheldon: What are you doing? Leonard: Oh, uh, Priya's calling in a few minutes on Skype, and we are gonna have a dinner date. Sheldon: It's eight o'clock in the morning in Mumbai. How can she have dinner? Leonard: Fine, whatever. Priya will be having breakfast. Sheldon: All right, so technically it's not a dinner date. I suppose you could call it a, uh, dinfast date. But if you did, you'd open yourself to peer-based mocking, such as, Hey, Leonard, how was your dinfast with Priya last night? Leonard: That doesn't sound like mocking. Sheldon: You didn't let me finish. Dinfast (rolls eyes). Are those soy-based candles? Leonard: I don't know. Why? Sheldon: Paraffin candles may contain carcinogens. Unless lung cancer is the ambiance you were going for at your dinfast. Dinfast (rolls eyes). Leonard: Listen, I don't want to be rude, but Priya's gonna be calling any minute, so... Sheldon: Oh, yes, Priya. Leonard, you know I make a point of never interfering in your personal affairs. Leonard: Yes, I've always admired that about you. Sheldon: As well you should. But I'm going to make an exception here. Leonard: Oh, good. Sheldon: Priya has moved back to India to pursue her law career. Instead of desperately trying to keep this intercontinental relationship alive, you could use that time to take up a hobby. Leonard: A hobby? Sheldon: Yes. I read recently about a fellow in Kansas with an enormous ball of twine. I bet you could give him a run for his money. Leonard: You know, some people might say that it's great that we're trying to make things work long distance. They'd say things like, love is stronger than the miles between you. Sheldon: When I rise to power, those people will be sterilized. Leonard: You video-chat with Amy all the time. How is this different? Sheldon: Don't you like Amy? Leonard: Of course I like Amy. Sheldon: Well, there's the difference. (Skype tone rings) Leonard: Excuse me, that's Priya. Priya (on screen): Hi, Leonard. Leonard: Hey, honey. Priya: I miss you. Leonard: Oh, I miss you, too. Sheldon: I miss the old days when your romantic partners could be returned to the video store. Scene: Penny's apartment. Sheldon: Thanks for letting me stay here while Leonard Skypes with his girlfriend. Penny: Oh, it's no problem. It's actually kind of nice. You reading, me reading. We're like an old married couple. Sheldon: If we were an old married couple, the wife would serve iced tea and snickerdoodles. Penny: I don't have iced tea and snickerdoodles. Sheldon: A good wife would go to the store. Penny: I want a divorce. Sheldon: Good. On the way to see the lawyer, pick up some tea and cookies. I must say, I am enjoying your new chair. Penny: It's great, isn't it? Sheldon: It is. Aligns the lumbar, cradles the coccyx, balances the buttocks. This is a chair worthy of the name. Penny: What name? Sheldon: Chair. Penny: Oh, all right, well, I'm glad you like it. I mean, I still can't get over the fact someone just threw it away. Sheldon: What? Penny: Yeah, it was just sitting on the street. I paid a homeless guy ten bucks to help me get it up here. Sheldon (jumps up): Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. (Starts stripping off clothing) Penny: What is wrong? Sheldon: I've been sitting in garbage! Penny: Sheldon, take it easy. Sheldon: You take it easy! I need to use your shower. Penny: I went into this marriage with so much hope. Sheldon: There's a wet Band-Aid on the shower floor. (Runs out of apartment). Credits sequence. Scene: Howard's workshop. Raj: This is fun. I've never used a hydraulic thermoforming press before. Howard: Pretty sweet, huh? This little baby set the university back 175 grand. Leonard: That's three minutes. Should we see what we got? Howard: Hang on. Raj: Oh, yeah. This is one good-looking panini. Howard: Hand me the tuna melt. Leonard: Yep. Howard: Thank you. How's it going with the long-distance love affair? Leonard: Not easy, but we're making it work. Howard: When you say making it work, does that include doing the cyber nasty? Leonard: What? Howard: You know, the virtual pickle tickle. The digital bow-chicka-bow-bow. Raj: Come on, dude. This is my sister you're talking about. Howard: Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk at her through a webcam has got to be easier for you to deal with than him actually touching her with it. Leonard: There's no junk jiggling. We just talk. Howard: Are you insane? With high-speed Internet, you have at your fingertips the greatest advancement in the field of s*x since the invention of the washcloth. Leonard: I can't do that. Howard: Well, if you don't, you're gonna lose Priya to some fancy guy in a turban who grew up with Kama Sutra coloring books. Raj: How can you be so racist? Howard: Oh, come on, tell me I'm wrong. Sheldon (entering): Oh, Leonard, good. There you are. I need you to check my head for chair lice. Leonard: I did it last night, I'm not doing it again. Howard: Just his head, right? Leonard: I don't want to talk about it. You didn't catch bugs from Penny's chair. Sheldon: Yes, I did. And now they're cavorting at the base of my hair follicles like dancing hippies at the Redwood National Forest. Leonard: Sheldon, you do this all the time. You fixate on some crazy idea and then blow it way out of proportion. Sheldon: Name one time I've ever done that. Leonard: How about when you put GPS trackers in your garbage because you were convinced North Korean spies were stealing your doodles? The chicken nuggets you were sure were human nuggets. The strangely-shaped cloud that was following you around town. The time you put on my shirt by mistake and were convinced you'd started growing again. Sheldon: I said, name one. You really need to work on your listening skills. Scene: Penny's apartment door. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. Penny: Yello. Sheldon: You need to remove that chair from the building. It's a health hazard. Penny: Okay, relax. I took off the slipcovers, had them dry-cleaned and then fumigated the cushions. Sheldon: Really? Penny: Yeah. It's cleaner than my couch. Found half a Hot Pocket in there. Sheldon: It certainly looks okay. Has a strong toxic chemical smell. That's reassuring. Penny: Why don't you give it a try, Sheldon? Sheldon: All right. It is a comfortable chair. Penny: Why don't you just admit you overreacted? Sheldon: No, thank you. (Sees insect. More appear and swarm all over him. He jumps out of a daydream on his own couch. Jumps up and runs out to Penny's apartment. Leonard: It's like living with a Chihuahua. Sheldon (at Penny's door): (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. Penny: What's up, buttercup? Sheldon: You have to get rid of the chair. Penny: Nope. (Closes door) Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. Penny: What's the word, hummingbird? Sheldon: For your safety, please wait in my apartment as I call the authorities so they may remove the chair of death. Penny: No. (Closes door) Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. Penny: What's the gist, physicist? Sheldon: Under my authority as a self-appointed member of the Centres for Disease Control street team, these premises are condemned. (Penny tries to close door) As a man with a keen sense of style, I must tell you, that chair does not work with the room. (Penny closes door). (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Penny opens door and waves seat cushion at him. He screams and runs off. She closes door. He sneaks back) (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Leonard: So, here we are. Back in bed together. Priya (on laptop screen): Yep, here we are. Leonard: Okay, so I, I, I guess I'll just jump right in. Priya: All right. Leonard: Uh, you're a naughty girl. And, and, uh, I, I want to punish you with my love? Priya: What? Leonard: Not good? Priya: That's terrible. Try again. Leonard: Okay. Uh, uh, you're not naughty. Uh, you're, you're, you're dirty. You're, you're a, a dirty girl? Priya: Oh, yes. Yes, I am. Leonard: Yeah, yeah. Uh, okay. You're a, you're a, you're a, a dirty, disgusting, revolting girl. Ugh! Priya: God, Leonard, stop talking. Leonard: Why don't you just give me five minutes? I'll Google how to do this. I'll call you right back. Priya: Shh-shh-shh. Just be quiet and do what I tell you. Leonard: Okay, like usual. Good. Priya: Take off your shirt. Leonard: All rightie. Shirt coming off. Ta-da! Man nipples. Priya: I said be quiet. Leonard: Yes, ma'am. Priya: Now take off your shorts. Leonard: Taking shorts off. There we go. Naked, naked, naked! Priya: Wonderful. Now I'll take off my clothes. Leonard: Cool. (computer screen bugs out) Uh-oh! Priya: Here I am, baby. You miss these? Leonard: Oh, damn it! Priya: Oh, Leonard! Already? Leonard: No, no! No-no-no! The screen froze. It's probably just buffering, just give it a second. Priya: Fine. Leonard: So, how are your mom and dad? Priya: Yeah, I really don't want to talk about my parents now. Leonard: Yeah. Sure, sure. Sheldon (calling from outside): If your video's frozen, try resetting the TCP/IP stack. Leonard: Oh! I didn't even think of that. Thanks. Sheldon (still off): You're welcome. Please let me know when you and your girlfriend are done hogging the bandwidth for your self-abuse. I'm trying to stream a movie on Netflix in here. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Amy's apartment. Amy is playing a harp. Amy: Five, six, seven, eight. Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking, and when she passes, each one she passes goes... Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. Amy: Oh... You are aware that your ritualistic knocking behaviour is symptomatic of obsessive compulsive disorder? Sheldon: Is not. Is not, is not. Amy: Denial. Denial, denial. Come in. Sheldon: Thank you. Amy: Would you like to hear me play a bossa nova standard on the harp? Sheldon: No. Amy: How about the theme song to the classic television show Diff'rent Strokes? Now the world don't move to the beat... Sheldon: No. Amy: Well, that's every song I know. What's up? Sheldon: You're good friends with Penny, right? Amy: Best friends, besties, BFFs, peas in a pod, sisters who would share travelling pants. Go on. Sheldon: I was hoping she might listen to you about the dangers of owning unhygienic furniture. Amy: For general educational purposes, or has she acquired a bar stool dipped in cholera? Sheldon: Cholera is water-borne. You're mocking me. Amy: Yes, I am. Sheldon: Penny has dragged a chair in off the street whose unknown provenance jeopardizes the health and welfare of every resident in our building. Amy: Sheldon, just because you have a focus on cleanliness bordering on the psychotic doesn't mean I have to participate. Sheldon: All right, name your price. Amy: Kiss me where I've never been kissed before. Sheldon: You mean like Salt Lake City? Amy: Never mind. I'll talk to Penny. Sheldon: Thank you. Amy: Will you listen to me play my harp now? Sheldon: No. I dislike the sound of the harp. Its overuse in classic television sitcoms always makes me think I'm going to experience an episode from my past. (Amy plays glissando) I'm sorry, Mommy. Don't be mad at me. Don't do that! Scene: Howard's workshop. Leonard: I don't know about this, Howard. Howard: What? You're having trouble with the long-distance lovemaking. This is your answer. There are two interfaces that simulate a human mouth. You have one, Priya has one in India. When you move your lips and tongue on yours, it transmits exactly what you're doing to hers. See? Internet kissing. (Howard kisses device) Give it a try. Leonard: I don't think so. Raj: I'll try it. Like this? Howard: Almost. Really get your tongue in there, to activate the motion sensor. Raj: Like this? Howard: Close. Really French it. Raj: Better? Howard: Yeah, you got it, you got it. Raj: I'm impressed. This is very lifelike. Howard: Whoa! You just bit my tongue! Raj: I, I nibbled. I was being playful. Howard: Why do you have to make everything weird? Raj: Sorry. Better? Howard: Oh, yeah. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: Pretty cool, huh? Probably would cost, like, two hundred bucks in a store. Amy: I do appreciate a bargain. This entire ensemble once belonged to my dead grandmother. Penny: You're kidding. Amy: Everything except bra and panties. And they're a leopard-spotted secret I share with Victoria. Penny: And now me. Amy: I just have one question about the chair. Penny: And what's that? Amy: Aren't you worried about it being unhygienic? Penny: No, it's completely fine. Hmm. I get it. Sheldon sent you. He put you up to this. Amy: No, he didn't. Penny: Really? Amy: Yes, he did. He absolutely did. Penny: My God, Amy, that's really crappy of you. Amy: It is? Penny: Yeah! Letting Sheldon use you to manipulate me? I thought you were my friend. Amy: No, I am your friend. Please don't be mad at me. Penny: I can't even believe this. You know, maybe you should just go. Amy: No, no, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I take it all back. Look. I'm, uh, I'm sitting in your chair. There's nothing wrong with it. It's a great chair. Please let me continue to be part of your world. Ow! Penny: What's wrong? Amy: Something in the chair's biting my tushy. It's not important. Ow! Penny: Wait. Get up, get up! (She does. Something is moving in the seat cushion. They both run out of the apartment screaming.) Swear you won't tell Sheldon what happened! Amy (between screams): I swear! Can I tell my doctor? I'm probably gonna need shots! Penny (also still screaming): Yeah, sure! Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Leonard: Oh, hey, babe, I think I figured this thing out. Priya (on screen): Oh, Leonard, listen... Leonard: No, you listen. You're my woman, and I'm gonna make you feel things you have never felt before. Priya: Leonard... Leonard: That's right, say my name, and beg me for more, 'cause, I'm gonna give it to you. Priya: My parents are here. Dr Koothrappali: Hello, Leonard, if I may also say your name. Scene: The street outside the apartment block. Howard: Check it out. Free chair. Raj: Yeah. Hey, you know, if this was in Sheldon and Leonard's apartment, I wouldn't wind up sitting on the floor all the time. Howard: On three? Together: Three! Raj: What kind of idiot throws away a terrific chair like this?
doc_205	Ryan: [catching Jim looking at him at Pam's desk] What? Jim: Oh, nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Pam's on vacation and she gets back tomorrow, so it'll be nice to see her. It'll be nice, and, uh, she set a date for the wedding with Roy. Uh... June. Summer. So, that'll be nice. And that's that. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: [again catching Jim looking at him] What? Jim: Oh, nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Spamster! Pam: Um, Pam plus Spam plus...? Michael: Hamster. Pam: Right. Michael: Welcome back! How was your vacation? Pam: It was great. Michael: Yeah? Pam: Mm-hm. Michael: Did you get lucky? Oh! Boink! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Roy and I just got back from the Poconos. I get ten vacation days a year, and I try to hold off taking them for as long as possible, and this year I got to the third week in January. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I am Pam. Spicoli guy. Oh, God. Names, numbers. Okay. [walking into office] Whoa! God! Yuck, yuck. Yuck. Yuck! Pam: What? Michael: Wow! What happened in there? Pam: I don't know. Michael: There is stink in there, my God! What is... what is that? Pam: [looking at pile on Michel's carpet] Oh... I don't know. Michael: Is it a bird? Pam: No, I don't think it's a bird. Michael: Oh, God! How could that happen? How could... right in the middle of the carpet. Kevin: What's goin' on? Michael: Um, somebody vomited right in the middle of the carpet in my office. Kevin: [taking a look] I don't think that's vomit. Michael: Check it out. Kevin: Me? Michael: Check it out. Don't be a wuss, just get... no, I'm not holding your coffee. Kevin: Oh, that's ridiculous. Michael: What is it? Kevin: Michael. [tapping on door] Michael: What is it? No, just tell me what it is. Kevin: [pounding on door] Michael, I ... I ... I gotta get outta here. I can't hold my breath that long. Pam: Open the door up! [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: It smelled terrible. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam and others: [after going in to check out the smell] Phew. Oh! No, mm-mm. [leaving quickly] Michael: I cannot believe a pipe burst and left that in there. Toby: That's no burst pipe. Michael: How do you know that? What is it, then? Creed: Hi guys. Somebody makin' soup? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [as cleaning lady with mask leaves] Here she comes. All cleaned? Great. [walks into office] Dwight: [coughing] It's still stinky. Michael: That is worse. Dwight: She probably scrubbed it into the fibers of the carpet. Total permeation. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [while in his reeking office] I am a big Fear Factor fan. I'm a big fan of anything Joe Rogan does, actually, so this is sort of like my audition tape. Um... [clearing throat] I can't stand it [gets up to leave], I can't stay in here another second. No! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey! Welcome back! Pam: Thanks! Jim: So, how was the resort? Did you ski a lot? Pam: A little. Jim: Good! What's goin' on here? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: What? I did not do that. That sounds disgusting. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: [barely stifling laughter] It wasn't me. Um... it wasn't me. [regaining composure] It was not me. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [smelling the stink] Oh. Wow. Pam: [giggles at Roy] Michael: [sitting at Jim's desk] Hey Jim. I thought that we would be desk buddies while they changed my carpet. Jim: That might be a little difficult with the one computer. Michael: Oh... It's ... Jim: But there's definitely a desk open in the back. Michael: [reluctantly] Yeah ... Jim: ...which I guess I'll be taking. Michael: No, no, no! Seriously, I don't mind sharing. Jim: No, no, no, seriously, I'll be in the back. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, Kelly. Kelly: Are you moving back here? Jim: Um, just for the day while Michael's at my desk. Kelly: Because Toby used to sit there, but he had to move over there because of an allergy. Jim: Allergy to... the desk? Kelly: [shaking head] Weird. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [putting his feet on desk] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old bullpen. Dwight: [putting his feet on desk] Ha ha ha... the old bullpen. Michael: Don't ape me. Dwight: Okay. Michael: This is great. Dwight: Yeah! Michael: The pressures of my office are insane. Dwight: [agreeing] Mm. Michael: I just... you couldn't understand, but man, you guys have it so easy out here, you know? I used to sit right here. Dwight: No way! Michael: Yeah. Dwight: And who had your office? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ed Truck. [exclaiming is disgust] Ed Truck was the manager before me. Horrible. He hated fun. It was like, "Oh, Ed Truck is walking toward us. Stop having fun. Start pretending to do work." What a jerk. He's... You know what? I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and would applaud as I walked away. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [to Jim] I'm serious. My closet doors will not shut. I mean, it only takes so long to measure to make sure that clothes will hang up because aren't all hangers like that big? So I don't understand why the closet engineer didn't think of that. So now I'm doing this new thing where I just leave piles of clothes on the floor and then I walk around the piles to get an outfit... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You know who used to sit at that desk? Dwight: That guy Miles who quit to form his own company? Michael: Mm-mm. Todd Packer. Dwight: No! Michael: Yeah. Dwight: I thought he was out on the road. Michael: He was, but, uh... that desk was empty. He'd come in and sit there sometimes. Dwight: Ah. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: When I was in training, many years ago... not so long ago... I worked side-by-side with a fellow named Todd Packer, and together we rocked the office [picture behind Michael falls]. Packer and I once spent the whole day with our pants off, and when people noticed, we convinced them that they were crazy. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today. Stanley: [on phone] Excuse me one second, please. [to Michael] What is it that you need right now that you can't wait until I'm off the phone with a customer? Michael: Oh, a customer, well, sound the alarm. [laughs] Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Another time, Packer held this guy's head in the toilet for like a minute. Guy had no sense of humor about it. Probably why he wasn't hired. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: [after Michael punches him in the arm] What did you hit me for? Michael: Charley horse! Creed: What? Michael: Charley horse! Creed: You shouldn't have hit me, Michael. Michael: Oh, okay. Gah. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Once, as a joke, Packer banged every chick in the office. [giggles] It was hysterical. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [to Jim] Beyonce, pink the color, Pink the person, hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome. Snow cones... Ryan: Hey Jim, Michael wanted me to ask you how to raise your desk chair. Jim: It's the lever on the side. Ryan: That's what I told him. Thanks. [leaves] Kelly: Oh my God, he is so cute! Would you talk to him for me and see if he likes me? Jim: No, I don't think I can... Kelly: Oh, please Jim? Please, please, Jim. Please, please, please? He's so cute. I like him so much. And I would do it, but I'm too shy. Please, Jim, please, please, please, please, Jim. Please, please, please... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [whispering] Dwight. Dwight: [whispering] Michael. Michael: Let's send up Accounting. Dwight: What? Michael: Old fashioned raid. Sales on Accounting. Yeah. Follow my lead. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey guys. Oscar: Hey, Michael. Michael: Ahem. What's up? Oscar: Hey, Dwight. Michael and Dwight: [as they throw accountants' files and supplies around] Ahhhh! Whoo hoo! Come on, come on, come on, come on! Sales rules! Dwight: Yeah! [laughing] Michael: Yeah! Oh ho ho [laughing] Dwight: Should we help 'em pick up their stuff? Michael: No, no, no, no. We don't do that. We don't do that. Dwight: Okay. Michael: Watch out, Pam. You're next! Pam: You're gonna throw my things on the ground? Michael: Maybe! [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: What happened in Michael's office was wrong. I understand it [chuckles], it makes sense [regains composure] But it... it was still wrong. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet? I don't know. It could be done out of hate. It could be done out of love. It could be completely neutral. Maybe somebody hates the cleaning lady. And, well, she doesn't do a very good job, obviously, because my office still reeks like you would not believe. I hate her. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You know what? I am beginning to think that what happened to my carpet was an act of terrorism against the office. The only thing that makes any sense. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [on phone] Hello, am I the 107th caller? [hangs up, dials again] Hello, Rock 107. Am I the 107th caller? [hangs up and dials again] Hell , Rock 107. Am I the 107th caller? [hangs up and begins to dial again] I'm totally gonna win us that box set. Michael: Stop. Dwight: Jethro Tull... Michael: Stop it. [Dwight hangs up] Stop. It. [Dwight beings to dial] Don't. Don't. Dwight: I need to make a sales call. Please? Michael: All right. Dwight: [on phone, whispering] Am I the 107th caller? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [to Roy in Jim's earshot] ...back so soon. Roy: We can go back in, like, a couple of weeks maybe. Pam: Yeah, right. Roy: Okay, maybe another month, like, maybe for, like President's Day or something. Pam: Yeah, that's right. We could do a three-day weekend. I wonder if I could, like, call in sick on the Friday. Then I get a four-day weekend. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [to unseen co-worker] But it's so weird to fall asleep. And I just hate it. 'Cause I try to go to bed at, like, 9:30. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [to Roy as Jim escapes into bathroom] Are you kidding? Roy: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hi, guys. Angela: We haven't finished getting things in order from your last visit. Michael: I'm just walking around. Angela: Were you? Michael: Well, yeah. Oscar: It's just that we're really swamped over here, Michael. Michael: Oh, and I'm not? Why would you say that? Because I'm having fun? You guys just are workin' for the weekend, aren't you? I'm workin' for the week. Sales team, listen to me. This is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna up the ante a little bit literally. Right here, I'm gonna put a crisp one hundred dollar bill. The person with the most sales at the end of the day gets to keep the cash. Sound good? Dwight: Yeah! Michael: [counting cash] Seventy, eighty, one, two three. Eighty-three dollars. Still a lotta money and I'm going to ... [moves money after seeing workmen walk by] ... I'm gonna leave it right over here where everybody can see it. I will be taking Jim's clients today because he is not here and out of sight, out of the contest. Let's see who winds up with the cash, shall we? Phyllis: You're gonna compete against us? Michael: Oh, it is on, Phyllis, it is so on! Dwight: It is so on! Michael: God, this is gonna be fun. Dwight: Michael is gonna wipe the floor with us! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on phone] So you have 40 boxes going out, and I will deliver those personally in a Sebring. Very good, nice doing business with you. Thank you. [hangs up] Yes! [chuckles] Oh, yeah! Read it and weep. Oh! Oh, look at that! [puts post-it on Phyllis' forehead] Look at me, Phyllis! Oh, what is that? That's my sale! [humming then dancing victoriously] Darryl: [walking by with new carpet] What... What's that? Whatcha doing? Michael: [stops dance] Nothing. Roy: [laughing] I think he's dancing. Michael: No. Just ... Darryl: That was definitely not dancing. Michael: You know what, guys? It's none of your concern. It was official business, so just... Darryl: Paper business. Michael: Yeah, paper business. Is this done? Roy: Nope. Michael: Extreme Home Makeover puts together a house in an hour. If you were on that crew, you would be fired like that. [snaps] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Somebody did something bad to Michael's carpet. Maybe that's all we need to know. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: [to Oscar] Who do you think did it? Oscar: Are you kidding? I thought it was you. Creed: Really? I thought you. [both laugh in Michael's earshot] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This was no act of God. A person did this. A person who works in this office. Maybe all of them. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You know what? Today is not a good day for a sales contest. We're... we're not... we're not doin' this today. Pam: That doesn't seem fair. Michael: You wanna talk about fair? Does anyone need to smell my old carpet? You explain to me how that was fair, and I'll explain to you how this is fair. Plus I just... I think that picking today was sort of taking advantage. Dwight: But you're the one who picked today. Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talkin' about. Stanley: That's not what a hate crime is. Michael: Well I hated it! A lot! Okay, I... you know what? If the guilty person would just come forward and take their punishment, we'd be done . [no one comes forward] Very well. Then you are all punished. Pam: What's our punishment? Michael: You're all on a time out. Just sit there quietly. [phone rings, Phyllis reaches to answer] No. NO! [phone continues to ring] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey! Ryan: What's up? Jim: Nothing much. Let me ask you something. It's actually little awkward. Ryan: What? Jim: What do you think of Kelly? Ryan: I don't know. Depends if you like a little junk in ... [notices camera] Umm... She's really cool. Jim: Are you interested in her? Ryan: Yeah, totally. Jim: Really? Ryan: Did she say something? Jim: She said lots of things. Ryan: Do you know if she's looking for a long-term thing or if she'd be cool just hangin' out? Jim: I have no idea. Ryan: Can you find out? Jim: Yeah. Sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [to Jim] Oh, long-term, definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together... but don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm, like, up for anything. I mean, I'm not a slut, but who knows? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Do you remember Ed Truck? Creed: Sure. He hired me. How's he doing? Michael: How would I know? Creed: I thought you might. Michael: My biggest fear is turning into him. Creed: Michael, you should have much bigger fears than that. Michael: [sighs] I wasn't talking literally, Creed. Yeah, being buried alive would be worse. Happy? Why am I talking to you? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [meeting Ed Truck in parking lot] Ed? Hi. Thanks for meeting me. Must be kinda neat comin' back. Ed: Yeah. Should we go upstairs? Michael: Uh, well, honestly Ed, I really don't wanna be up there right now. Ed: So, what's the problem with my pension? Michael: Oh, no, no, no. You're good. It was clerical. You're good. Um, well, somebody did something in my office, and I now think that they did it on purpose and it was directed at me. Ed: Well, what was done? Michael: I didn't get a good look at... it, but it smells horrible. Ed: Yeah, somebody once did that in my office. Michael: Really? Ed: Yeah. Michael: Well, that figures. So how did you deal with people not liking you? Ed: You can't expect to be friends with everybody. Michael: Well... s-sure I can. Ed: No. They'll always think of you as a boss first. Michael: Not necessarily. You can love a boss like you do a father. Ed: I'm not sure that ever happens. Michael: Well, okay. Different management styles. Ed: Why can't your workers be your workers, family be your family, your friends be your friends? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Last week I would have given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would have reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh... no. I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney." [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [on phone] Hey, Brenda. This is, uh, Jim Halpert from the boat. And I got your number from the corporate directory and, well, I was assuming that you probably gave it to them because you wanted me to ask you out, right? Um, so gimme a call back. You can get my number from said directory, um, or just check your e-mail 'cause I just sent you one. Yikes. Uh... give me a call back, I hope. I'll talk to you later. Bye. Kelly: You just asked a girl out on the phone! Jim: Yep. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on phone] Yes. Todd Packer: Hello, yes. I'm looking for a gay nerd named Michael Scott. Michael: Who is this? How did you get this number? Packer: Your mom, you gay nerd! Michael: Oh my God. Packer. Packster. Whacky Pack. How you doin'? Todd: Hey, did you get that package I left for you? Michael: Uh... no. Did anybody see a package here today? No. How big was it? Packer: It was pretty big. Michael: Really? Packer: Yeah. Michael: Did you see a big package? Where did you leave it? Packer: Left it in the middle of your office. Michael: Really? Guys, did you see a big package in my office? Roy: You mean the thing? Packer: [laughs uproariously] Michael: Are you kidding me? Oh! Packer: Special delivery! Michael: That was Packer! Oh, you're... you are dead. You are dead, my friend! That is hilar... Oh, God! Of course it was you. Packer: Sit on the throne, Michael. Michael: Oh. [laughs and claps] Yeah, yeah! Oh my God. It was Packer! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don't expect everybody to understand. It was done out of love, just like I thought. It's ah... God, these people are so... these are good people. We have fun. [giggles] We just have fun! Oh, I'm just so sorry that I threw the thing out. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim's voicemail: You have seven unheard messages. Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] Hey, Jim. It's Pam. I keep looking up to say something to you and then Michael's there and it's horrible. Anyway, I'm bored. Come back! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] Hey, guess what? I moved my computer so I can't see Michael's head. It's working. I think I can have a career as a very specific type of decorator. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] Sudoku. Level moderate. 18 minutes. Suck on that, Halpert. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] I'll transfer you. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Hold, please. Dunder Mifflin, this is ... okay, sorry. Michael was standing at my desk, and I needed to be busy or who knows what would've happened, so thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] Hey, what's that word we made up when you have a thing stuck in your shoe? Anyway, I have a thing stuck in my shoe. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] Hey, I have a chance to sneak out of here early, and I'm not messing this up, so I'll see you tomorrow. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] Calling from my cell phone. I don't know if you guys figured out who did that to Michael's carpet yet, but I have a theory that involves an inter-departmental conspiracy. Everybody in the office. We need to talk.
doc_206	"In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name...Merlin." CAVE - DAY Nimueh (spell): Berbay odothay arisan yeldo ("Command thee arise ancient"). Nimueh places a magic egg into water. It travels through underground waterways to a manmade cavern. She watches Camelot from her water basin. Nimueh (spell): Bebiede þe arisan ealdu ("I command you, ancient one, to come forth"). LOWER TOWN - DAY Gaius and Merlin look over a corpse in the street. Merlin: Aren't you scared? Gaius: Of what? Merlin: That you might catch whatever it is. Gaius: I'm the court physician, Merlin. This is part of my job. Most of the time there's nothing really to be scared of. Gaius turns over corps to reveal white skinned, white eyed face. Merlin: You were saying? Gaius: People mustn't see this. They'll panic. GWEN'S HOUSE - DAY Gwen and her father get ready at home. Gwen: Dad, here's your sandwich. Tom: Ooh. Mmm, what's in it? Gwen: It's smoked pigeon. But I'd say there's more smoke than pigeon. Tom (laughs): You're such a good girl to me. Gwen: And I've done you some watercress soup tonight. Tom: Don't tell me, with more water in it than cress? Gwen laughs and they hug. Gwen: I'll see you later. Tom: 'Kay. Bye. KING'S PALACE, DRAWBRIDGE - DAY Merlin and Gaius wheel the body over the castle drawbridge. Gwen approaches carrying the flowers she had at home. Gwen: What are you doing? Merlin: Er...just moving something. Gwen: Looks heavy. Merlin: Er, it's nothing really. Er...someone got you flowers? Gwen: Oh! No (giggle) Would you like one? A purple one. Purple suits you. Not that I'm saying red doesn't suit you. Merlin: Thanks. Well, er... Merlin sticks the flower in his scarf. Gwen: Aww. Merlin: Er...see you. Gwen: Bye. KING'S PALACE, MORGANA'S CHAMBERS - DAY Gwen enters with flowers. Morgana: You look happy. Gwen: I picked these for you. Morgana: Oh, that's so sweet. Gwen: Something to cheer you up. I know you're not sleeping well. Morgana: You cheer me up. Gwen: Would you like me to put them in water for you? KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY Merlin and Gaius looking at body with magnifying glass. Gaius: I've never seen anything like this before. Merlin: Do you think it could be some kind of plague? Gaius: No. I fear that something like this could never come from nature. But who has this kind of power? Merlin: You think it's caused by magic? Arthur: Merlin! Merlin opens door before Arthur can come in and see the body. Merlin: Erm...I'm on my way. Sorry I'm late. Arthur: Don't worry. I'm getting used to it. Arthur furrows his eyebrows when he sees the flower in Merlin's scarf. Merlin looks down at it. Merlin: Oh, er...Gwen, she gave it to me. Arthur: Tell Gaius my father wants to see him now. Merlin: Okay. Merlin closes the door. Merlin: Gaius... Gaius: I heard. Merlin: Wait, why couldn't he just tell you himself? Gaius: 'Cause that's the way it is. You're a servant. Merlin: Wha...if he knew who I was, what I've done... Gaius: You'd be a dead servant. Right, get this covered up. Merlin: Hey, I'm not your servant. Gaius: No, you're my dogsbody. Come on, hurry up. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Gaius examines a magically dead servant on the floor. Uther: What's happened to him? Gaius: I don't know, Sire. It's the second case I've seen today. Uther: Why didn't you report it to me? Gaius: I was attempting to find the cause. Uther: What did you conclude? Gaius: I don't think it's time to hurry to conclusions. A scientific process is a long one. Uther: What are you concealing from me? Gaius: Sire, I have seen nothing like it. The victims are dying in 24 hours, and it's spreading fast. Uther: What is the cause? Gaius: I think you should say that the cause, the most likely cause, is sorcery. Uther pulls Arthur aside. Uther: We must find who did this. Arthur: I will, father. Uther (scared whisper): Conduct door to door searches. Increase your presence in the town. Double the guards on all the gates. And lend the physician your servant. Arthur: Merlin? But... Uther: I'm going to need Gaius to find a cure. He needs all the help we can give him. If Gaius is right, believe me, this city will be wiped out. This is the kind of magic that undermines our authority, challenges all we've done. If we cannot control this plague, people will turn to magic for a cure. We have to find this sorcerer, and quickly. Arthur: Yes, father. TOWN - DAY Arthur and guards search the city. Merlin and Gaius walk through town. Merlin sees a sick person Merlin: Gaius? Gaius. He's still alive. Gaius: I'm afraid there's nothing we can do for him. Merlin: But we haven't tried. Gaius: If we don't know what a disease is, then how can we cure him? Merlin: With magic. Gaius: Have a look. They're suspicious of everyone. Merlin: This is not the time to be using magic. Science will lead us to the source of the disease. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS Gaius heats a vial of liquid. Merlin: What are you doing? Gaius: I'm examining the contents of that man's stomach. Merlin: Will that tell you who did it? Gaius: No, but it might tell us how it's spread. One thing I do know, this is magic of the darkest kind. Merlin: Why would someone use magic like that? Gaius: Magic corrupts. People use it for their own ends. Merlin: But not all magic is bad. I know it isn't. Gaius: It's neither good nor bad. It's how you use it. Arthur and guards burst in Arthur (to guards): Over there (to Gaius) Sorry Gaius, we're searching every room in town. Gaius: What for? Arthur: A sorcerer. Gaius: But why would he be here? Arthur: I'm just doing my job. Gaius: We've nothing to hide. Go on, then. Search. Arthur: All these books and papers? Gaius: My life's work, dedicated to the understanding of science. You are quite welcome to read through them if you wish. Arthur: What's this room up here? Merlin: Er...it's mine. Gaius: And what do you expect to find in there? Arthur: I'm looking for material or evidence suggesting the use of enchantments. Gaius: What've you done with the magic book I gave you? Merlin looks worried. Arthur enters his room. Arthur: Merlin, come here. Look what I found. Merlin runs into his messy room expecting Arthur to be talking about the magic book Arthur: I found a place where you can put things. It's called a cupboard. Merlin spots book on the floor and magically covers it with his bed sheet. Arthur looks under the bed, but misses the book and exits Merlin's room. Arthur: How long do you think it may be before you find a cure? Gaius: It depends on how many interruptions I get. Arthur: Of course, I'm sorry (to guards) We're finished here. They exit. Gaius closes the door. Gaius: We have to hide that book. Merlin: No. We must use it. Gaius: Don't be stupid. Merlin: If I have this legacy then what is it for? You keep telling me it's not for playing tricks. Gaius: You want to practice magic when the King is hunting for sorcerers? Are you mad? Merlin, your life is destined for more important things. Merlin: But if I don't practice, then how will I get to be this great warlock?! Gaius: There will come a time when your skills will be recognised. Merlin: When?! How long do I have to wait? Gaius: Patience is a virtue, Merlin. Merlin: Sitting by and doing nothing, that's a virtue? Gaius: Your time will come. Merlin: I could cure that man we saw. Gaius: I know it's tempting to use the way you find easiest, Merlin... Merlin: It is when it would save a life. Gaius: It's no good just saving one person. We have to discover how this illness is spreading. Merlin: Arthur is out there right now looking for the sorcerer! Gaius: A sorcerer who's powerful enough to do this will never be found searching the town. Merlin (sigh): So what can we do? Gaius: Hope that science can find the answer before it kills us all. CAVE - DAY Nimueh watches the beast she has sent in her stone basin. A woman draws water from the spout in the Lower Town. covered bodies are lined up in the courtyard. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Arthur enters. Uther is here. Arthur: We searched everywhere, the entire city. Uther: Nothing? Arthur: I don't know where else to look. Uther: I want you to impose a curfew. No one is to be allowed onto the streets after the great bell. Arthur: Father? Uther: And cordon off the lower town Arthur: Why? Uther: Because that's where most of the victims are. Let's isolate it, stop this disease from spreading. Arthur: What about the people who live there? Uther: Don't you think I haven't considered it? What else can I do? I have to protect the rest of the city. Arthur bows and exits. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS Gaius and Merlin examine another corpse. Gaius: What's different about this victim? Merlin: Er...she's a woman. Gaius: Sometimes I do wonder whether you're a magical talents were given to the right person. Anything else? Merlin: Erm...she's a courtier. Gaius: Ah. Merlin: How does that help us? Gaius: Courtiers seldom go down to the lower town. So what does that mean? Merlin: Erm....that, that she hasn't spoken to any townspeople. Gaius (looks pained): Yes, it suggests that the disease is not spread by contact. Merlin: Oh, and they probably ate different food. Gaius: Good. Anything else? Merlin: Erm...I doubt they breathe the same air. Gaius: So what's the only thing they do share? Merlin: Water. Water? You think the disease is spread through water? Gaius: Merlin, you're a prodigy. Gaius hands Merlin a bucket. Merlin walks to Lower Town well. GWEN'S HOUSE - DAY Gwen ties her cloak. Gwen: It's time to get up, Dad...Dad? She turns him over. Tom: Gwen. Tom is magically sick. Gwen panics and runs to the castle crying, passing Merlin at the well. Merlin: Gwen? Gwen! Merlin grabs the bucket of water and runs after her. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY Gwen enters. Gaius: Gwen! Gwen: Gaius. Gaius: You have the sickness? Gwen (shakes her head): My father! Please, Gaius, he's all I have. Gaius: Gwen, I have no cure. Gwen: I am begging you! Gaius: I wish there was something, anything, but so far the remedy is beyond what I can achieve (takes her hand) I'm sorry, Gwen. She runs out of the room. Merlin: There must be something we can do. Gaius: My best. Let's hope that this can provide some answers. Merlin: But that'll be too late for Gwen's father. Gaius: I fear you may be right. Gaius puts some of the water in a jar, and places a flower in it. Merlin goes to his room. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT Merlin checks on snoring Gaius, pulls out his magic book, and sneaks past the guards. Guard 1: What about over...in there? Guard 2: Certainly, Sir. Guards poke spears into haystacks. A guard approaches Merlin's hiding spot. Merlin (spell): Onstyrian, onbregdan. The door across the street creaks open. A guard nears and the door hits him in the face. Merlin goes to Gwen's house. Gwen and Tom are sleeping. Merlin puts a poultice under Tom's pillow and performs a spell "þu fornimst adl fram guman" He exits and watches them outside the door. Tom wakes and touches Gwen's head, which is resting on his bedside. Gwen: Father? Tom: Gwen. Gwen (realizes Tom is well): What's happened? I can't believe it! She hugs her father. CAVE More covered bodies are laid out in the Square. Nimueh continues watching in her stone basin KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Arthur reaches for the glass vial containing the tainted water with a flower in it. Gaius: Don't touch it! I had this in the water for no more than a few hours. Uther: Where's the water from? Gaius: The pump from where the people take their daily supply. Arthur: We have to stop the people from using it. Gaius: The city cannot survive without water. Uther: We have to find this sorcerer! Arthur: I don't believe that they're inside Camelot. Uther: Then extend the search to the villages! Arthur: We've started, but I can't search the entire kingdom. Uther: And I can't stand by and watch our people dying. Arthur nods and exits KING'S PALACE, MORGANA'S CHAMBERS - DAY Merlin enters. Gwen hums as she gathers Morgana's clothes. Merlin: How's your father? Is he feeling better? Gwen: Yeah, it's incredible. It's a miracle. Merlin: His skin's clear, back to normal? Gwen: Yes Merlin: Great. He beams and turns to leave. Gwen: You don't seem surprised. Merlin: No, no, I am. It's a miracle. Gwen: But how did you know he was well? Merlin: Er...because you're smiling. Gwen: That's really weird because I haven't told anyone, but you know. How could you know? Merlin: Yeah. Alright. You finally found out, I'll tell you (swallows) I'm psychic. Gwen (giggle): No you're not. Merlin: It's true. Gwen: Alright, what am I thinking? Merlin: That I'm not psychic. Gwen (giggle): You're strange. I, I don't mean that in a nasty way. You're just funny. I like that. Merlin: Erm, er, I 'm pleased for you. Gwen: Thank you. Merlin: What for? Gwen: Don't know...just for asking. Merlin: I didn't like to see you upset. I have to...get on. Merlin waves awkwardly. Gwen waves back. Merlin leaves. Gwen smiles. BLACKSMITH'S - DAY Tom works at his forge. Townspeople watch him. Arthur approaches with guards. Arthur: The story is you were sick. Tom: Not anymore. Arthur: Perhaps you were suffering from some other ailment? Tom: Oh, you're joking. I felt like death itself, not enough strength in me to stir the air. Arthur: Then...what happened? Tom: Oh, I don't know. Suddenly it was gone. I'm fitter than I was before. Arthur: That's remarkable. Was anybody with you when all this happened? Tom: Just my daughter, Gwen. Arthur leaves and Tom goes back to work. Arthur and guards search Gwen and Tom's house. Guard finds glowing poultice. KING'S PALACE, MORGANA'S CHAMBERS - DAY Gwen hums as she carries away a vase full of dead flowers. Arthur and guards enter. Arthur: Seize her! Gwen: No! Arthur: Guinevere, I'm arresting you for crimes and contraventions of the laws of Camelot, that you did practice enchantments. Morgana enters. Morgana: Gwen? Gwen: But what have I done? I haven't done anything! Help me, please! Morgana (to Arthur): What are you doing? Arthur: I found a magic poultice in her house. Morgana: Oh, that's ridiculous. Arthur: Then how else do you explain her father's recovery? Morgana: Well, she's innocent! I know she's innocent. Arthur: What can I do? I can't turn a blind eye! Arthur exits and Morgana scoffs. KING'S PALACE, UPPER CORRIDOR - DAY Arthur and guards drag Gwen down the corridor. Gwen: No, please. You've got to listen to me! Please, I haven't done anything wrong! You have to listen to me, please! I am innocent, I swear! Let me go! I swear to you! Gwen turns her head and sees Merlin approaching her. Gwen: Merlin! Merlin, please help me! (to guards) Why won't you listen to me?! Gaius takes Merlin's arm and escorts him out. Gwen: Please listen to me! KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY Merlin and Gaius enter and Gaius slams the door. Gaius: What've you done?! Merlin: What? Gaius: I warned you! Oh, I understand. You thought you were doing good. Merlin: I couldn't let her father die knowing I could cure him. Gaius: Didn't you think it might look a bit suspicious, the curing of one man? Merlin: Well then, all I have to do is...I'll cure everyone! No one will ever have to know it was magic. Gaius: It's too late! They think Gwen's a sorceress! They think she caused the disease! Merlin: But she didn't! (rushes to leave). Gaius: Oh, and how are you going to prove that?! Merlin stops to think, then leaves. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Gwen is brought before Uther on the charge of witchcraft Gwen: Please listen to me I have done nothing, please! I swear I haven't done anything! Guards drop her on the floor. Uther (to Arthur): Well done. Gwen: Why will no one believe me?! He got better, he just recovered. I didn't do anything! Morgana enters. Morgana: I believe you. Perhaps this is a disease that is not always fatal. Have you thought of that? Perhaps he recovered naturally. Uther: And what of this poultice that was found? Gwen: What poultice? I don't know anything about a poultice! Uther: It was found in your house. Undo this enchantment. Put an end to this contagion. Gwen: I can't! Uther: I will show you no mercy. Gwen: I am not a witch. I don't know how to stop the illness! Uther: If you will not undo your sorcery, you force my hand and I must find you guilty... Gwen: But I told you, I... Uther: It is therefore my duty to pronounce judgment. And under the circumstance I have no choice but to sentence you to death. Gwen: No! Uther: I can only hope that when you die, this evil plague dies with you. Gwen: No! No! Uther: Take her away. Guards drag Gwen backwards out of the room. Gwen: Please, no! I'm innocent! Please, please, no! Please help me! Please, I beg you! No! The courtiers leave. Morgana watches Gwen get dragged off, then turns to Uther. Morgana: I know Gwen. She's my maidservant, not an enchantress. Uther: Have you ever seen an enchantress? Believe me, they bear no sign, no mark. There is no sense of evil in the eye. Morgana: I've seen the way the girl works. Her fingers are worn, her nails are broken. If she was a sorceress, why would she do this? Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king! Uther: You have no right! Morgana: You have a right to cast a judgment on that girl! Uther: I have a responsibility to take care of this kingdom! I take no pleasure in this! Morgana: But you're sentencing the wrong person! Arthur: She's right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen. Uther: You saw it for yourself. She used enchantments. Arthur: Yes, maybe. But to save her dying father, that doesn't make her guilty of creating a plague. One's the act of, of kindness, of love, the other of evil. I don't believe evil's in this girl's heart. Uther: I have witnessed what witchcraft can do. I have suffered at its hand. I cannot take that chance. If there is the slightest doubt about this girl, she must die or the whole kingdom may perish. Arthur: I understand that. Uther: One day you may become King. Then you will understand. Such decisions must be made. There are dark forces that threaten this kingdom. Arthur: I know. witchcraft is an evil, father. So is injustice. Yes, I am yet to be King, and I don't know what kind of king I will be, but I do have a sense of the kind of Camelot I would wish to live in. It would be where the punishment fits the crime. Uther: I fear you're right. She's played with fire, and sadly she must die by fire. Morgana leaves. Arthur paces the Council Chamber. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS Merlin: I thought I was doing good and that curing Gwen's father would help her. I thought I was saving a life. It seemed so simple. Gaius: An easy solution is like a light in a storm, Merlin. Rush for it at your peril, for it may not always lead you to a safe harbour. Merlin: I can see that now. Gaius: How many times have I warned you about the responsibilities of being a warlock? Merlin: I must see her. KING'S PALACE, DUNGEONS Merlin goes down stairs to the dungeon, passes a weeping Morgana on wrought iron stairway. Merlin: Gwen. Gwen tries to get to the cell door, but her chains don't stretch that far. She's been crying. Gwen: Thank you. Merlin: What for? Gwen: For coming to see me. Merlin: I'm sorry. Gwen: It's not your fault. Merlin: Well... Gwen: It's alright. Don't worry about me. There's no point crying about it. I mean...I mean, I'm not saying that you were going to cry about me. Obviously I don't think that. Merlin: Oh, Gwen. I can't have this happen. Gwen: Please. One thing. You...you don't have to, but... Merlin: What? Gwen: Remember me. Merlin: You're not going to die. I'm not going to let this happen. Merlin leaves, rushing up the wrought iron stairway. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER Uther is consulting his advisors. Uther: What if burning this witch doesn't stop the poison? How do I protect my people? My men have closed down the water pumps. Gaius: But the emergency supply won't last for much longer. We have to find a way of cleansing the water of the disease. Uther: But how? Gaius: Well... The doors open and Merlin bursts in. Merlin: It was me! It was me who used magic to cure Gwen's father! The council stares at him. Merlin: Gwen is not the sorcerer. I am! Gaius stands up. Gaius: Merlin! Are you mad? Merlin: I cannot let her die for me (to Uther) I place myself at your mercy. Gaius: He doesn't know what he's talking about. Merlin: I do. Uther: Then arrest him. Arthur: Father, please! I can't allow this! This is madness! There's no way Merlin is a sorcerer. Uther: Did you not hear him? Arthur: Yes. Uther: He admitted it. Arthur: He saved my life, remember. Uther: Why should he fabricate such a story? Arthur: As Gaius said, he's got a...grave mental disease. Uther: Really? Arthur: He's in love. Merlin: What? Arthur: With Gwen. Uther grins. Merlin: I am not. Arthur: Yes, you are. Merlin: No way. Arthur: I saw yesterday with that flower she'd given you. Merlin: I'm not in love with her. Arthur puts his arm around Merlin. Arthur: It's all right. You can admit it. Merlin: I don't even think of her like that! Uther: Perhaps she cast a spell on you. Arthur looks at his father worriedly. Uther snickers. Other council members snicker, and Arthur smiles in relief. Arthur: Merlin is a wonder, but the wonder is that he's such an idiot. There's no way he's a sorcerer. Uther: Don't waste my time again. Let him go. [SCENE_BREAK] KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS Merlin: Arthur's the idiot! Gaius: No. He was right to do what he did. And, thankfully, he saved you from your own stupidity. Merlin: What else could I do? It's my fault Gwen's going to die. Gaius: Yes, but you don't prove her innocence by offering to jump into the flames. You do it by finding out what's causing the disease! Merlin: Well, whatever it is, one thing's for sure: Arthur isn't going to find it. He thinks he is so sharp! But even when I told him I was a wizard, he still couldn't see it. Gaius: Sometimes they're pretty hard to spot. Merlin: Well, maybe I should go around wearing a pointy hat. Gaius: I don't think you'll find one big enough. Anyway, forget that. If we're going to save Gwen, we have to find out what's contaminating the water. TUNNEL WATER SUPPLY Gaius and Merlin go to the underground entrance to the water supply. Nimueh's watching in her stone basin Gaius: The water from here supplies the whole town. Take a sample. Merlin puts bottle in the water. Gaius: Let's take it back and examine it. The beast rears up out of the water. Merlin: What the hell was that? Gaius takes Merlin's arm and they leave. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS Gaius and Merlin look at a book Gaius: Here. It was an Afanc. Merlin: An...a what? Gaius: A beast born of clay, and conjured up only by the most powerful sorcerer. Now we have to find a way to defeat it. But where? Gaius looks at shelves of books. Merlin: That could take days. Gwen'll be dead by then. Gaius: Have you got a better idea? Merlin sees pyre being built in the square on his way to the dungeons. He sees Gwen lying on the cell floor. Merlin: Gwen? I'm going to get you out. I will. Merlin leaves. KING'S PALACE, DRAGON'S CAVE Merlin: Hello? Kilgharrah: Hello. The Great Dragon flies down. Kilgharrah: The great warlock returns, as I knew he would. Merlin: I need to know how to defeat an Afanc. Kilgharrah: Yes, I suppose you do. Merlin: Will you help me? Kilgharrah: Trust the elements that are at your command. Merlin: Elements? But what is it I have to do? Kilgharrah: You cannot do this alone. You are but one side of a coin. Arthur is the other. Merlin: I...I don't understand. Just tell me what it is I have to do. Kilgharrah flies off. Merlin: No! Please, help me! Kilgharrah: I have. Kilgharrah laughs. Merlin: Oh, yeah, right. Thanks. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Arthur enters. Uther: Have you found anything more? Arthur: I've tried. I can keep looking. Uther: People are dying, we can't delay any longer. We must kill the witch. Bring her execution forward to tonight. Arthur bows his head and exits. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY Merlin frantically searches through books. Gaius enters. Gaius: Merlin, what are you doing? Merlin: Looking for a book. Gaius: You going to tell me which one? Merlin: A book on elements. Gaius: Elements? Merlin: Yes. Which one would I find them in? Gaius: Well, most of them. The study of base elements is at the very heart of the scientific process. Merlin: But how would they help me kill the Afanc? Gaius: Well, the Afanc is a creature made from earth and water. That's two of the four base elements. Merlin: What about the other two? Gaius: Well, perhaps they will destroy it. You want fire. Wind and fire. How did you find this out? Merlin: Erm...I just knew, you know? One of my powers. Gaius: What else do your powers tell you? Merlin: That I am only one side of a coin. The brighter side, obviously. Gaius: And who's the other side? Merlin: I think that might be Arthur. Morgana: They're bringing forward the execution. We have to prove Gwen's innocence. Gaius: We're trying. Morgana: Please, just tell me what I can do to help. Merlin: We need Arthur. Morgana: Arthur? Merlin: There's a monster, an Afanc, in the water supply. That's what's causing the plague. Morgana: Well, we must tell Uther. Gaius: The Afanc's a creature forged by magic. Telling Uther wouldn't save Gwen. He'd just blame her for conjuring it. Morgana: So, what are we to do? Merlin: We need to destroy it. Then the plague will stop and Uther may see sense. Morgana: And that's why you need Arthur. Merlin: He's our best chance. But he won't want to disobey the King. Morgana: Leave that to me. Morgana exits. Gaius gives Merlin the keys to the water supply tunnels. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - DAY Arthur enters. Morgana is waiting for him. Arthur: You alright? Sorry about all this (points at the mess on the table). Merlin's not been in today. Morgana: Poor Merlin. Arthur: Yeah. Morgana: He offered to give up his life to save Gwen's. I certainly can't imagine any man loving me so much. Arthur: No, I certainly can't imagine that either. Morgana (smirks): That's because you're not like Merlin. He's a lover. Arthur: Yeah, maybe that's because I haven't found the right person to love. Morgana: Sadly the age of gallantry seems to be dead. You look around and all you see are small men, not big enough to fill their armour. There's not one of them that's able to stand up for what is right. Arthur smirks at Morgana's obvious manipulative insult. Arthur: What do you want me to do? KING'S PALACE, MAIN SQUARE/WATER TUNNEL - DAY Morgana and Arthur walk into the Square where Merlin meets them. Arthur draws his sword. They open tunnel door and Arthur lights a torch before they descend. Arthur: You'd better be right about this, Merlin. They hear low growl. Morgana gasps. Arthur: You should stay here. Morgana: I'm coming with you. Arthur: No! Morgana: Scared I'll show you up? Arthur: Father will slam us both in chains if he knew I'd endangered you. Morgana: Well good thing he doesn't know about it then. Arthur: I'm telling you, Morgana, turn back. You could get hurt. Morgana: You could you...if you don't get out of my way. Merlin's amused. Arthur rolls his eyes. Morgana How are we going to find it? Merlin: I just hope we do before it finds us. Arthur spins around. Arthur: Stop. Merlin: What? Arthur: It's just a shadow. They keep moving. the Afanc creeps out of shadows behind them. they reach the water source. Arthur: Spread out. They split up. Arthur hears growl and Afanc swipes at him from behind, then disappears. Morgana rushes to him. Morgana: What is it? Are you alright? Arthur: Yeah. Merlin: Did you see it? Arthur: Yes. Merlin: What did it look like? Arthur: It...it's quick. The Afanc come up in front of Morgana. She screams. Arthur goes for it, but it disappears again. Arthur: Where is it? Merlin: I think it's gone this way! They walk. the Afanc creeps slowly out around corner into full view. Arthur swings at it and loses his sword. it also swipes away Morgana's torch. Arthur circles it with torch. Merlin: Arthur, use the torch! Arthur swings the torch. Merlin (spell): Lyfte ic þe in balwen ac forhienan. Merlin's spell blows flames into the Afanc, incinerating it. CAVE Nimueh watches in her stone basin. Nimueh (splashes the water in anger): Merlin. Mah! KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Uther laughs over some parchment with his advisors. Uther: It's very good. Gaius: Good news, Sire. There are no new deaths, and those that are sick are recovering. Uther: Good. Strange, I've never heard of an Afanc before. Gaius: It's conjured from clay by powerful magic. The type that can only be invoked by an ancient sorcerer. One that has the power to mirror the spirit of life. I found this at the water source (showing a piece of the Afanc's egg) It bears the mark of Nimueh. We must be vigilant, Sire. Uther: Will I never be rid of her? Gaius: Sire. Uther: Leave me! Everyone exits. Uther sits on the throne and mopes. KING'S PALACE, DUNGEONS - DAY Guards open Gwen's cell. Gwen's father, Merlin, and Morgana enters. Gwen: Dad! Tom (hugs her): Oh, my little child! Gwen reaches to grasp Morgana's hand. Gwen: Thank you! Morgana: Don't thank me. It was more Merlin. Gwen: Really? Morgana: He's the real hero here. Gwen: I don't know what to say. Merlin (shrugs): I didn't do anything. Tom: I'm...I'm grateful to you all. Come on, Gwen. Tom and Gwen leave. Morgana: Merlin. I wanted you to know, your secret's safe with me. Merlin: My secret? Morgana: Merlin, don't pretend. I know what you did. Merlin: You do? Morgana: I saw it with my own eyes. Merlin: You did? Morgana: I understand why you don't anyone to know. Merlin: Well, obviously. Morgana: But I won't tell anyone. You don't mind me talking to you about it? Merlin: Er...no. I...I, it's, er...you have no idea how hard it is to keep this hidden. Morgana: Well, you can continue to deny it, but I think Gwen's a very lucky woman. Merlin: Gwen? Morgana puts her finger to her lips. Morgana: It's our secret. Morgana smiles as she leaves. Merlin sighs. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT Merlin and Gaius eat dinner. Merlin: This fish didn't come from the water, did it? Gaius: Well, where else is it going to come from? The water's fine now. That's not your worry. This is the work of a very powerful sorcerer. I only hope you didn't come to her attention. Merlin: Doubt it. Well no one else seems to appreciate my skills. I just want someone to see me for who I am. Gaius: One day, Merlin. One day. Merlin: One day what? Gaius: One day people won't believe what an idiot you were. Merlin: Thanks. They toast. Nimueh watches them from her stone basin. Nimueh: Merlin, you will pay for this!
doc_207	[sound of coughing] Ricky: We're going to make some good fcking money here boys. Julian: Let's just fcking get this over with, Rick. Ricky: My fck, this is a good time boys. Tell me that's not the best fcking dope you ever smoked Bubbs. Bubbles: Should I be getting baked for this, boys? Ricky: Yes, Bubbles, get high, this is fun. Bubbles: Walkie check Ricky. Ricky: Good check. Bubbles: That water bong's so smooth, you don't realize how high you're getting until it's too late. Ricky: Bubbles, you're breaking up. Switch to channel two, okay. Just turn on the radio and relax, everything's fine. Bubbles: Channel Two? VHF, what's that now? [sound of music from radio] Bubbles: [singing] Bubbles: [singing through PA system] Ricky: I know I'm baked but, doesn't that sound like it's coming through the PA? Julian: fck, it sounds like it man. [sound of Bubbles singing through PA system] Ricky: Bubbles, everything you say is coming over the PA right now. Bubbles: Ricky, I am fcked up out here. I don't mean to interrupt your meat-stealing operation there boys but I need to keep talking to you til you get back. I'm freaking out a little bit. Ricky: Bubbles, every fcking word you're saying is coming over the PA. Julian: He must have his finger on the button man, he can't hear us. Bubbles: [singing] Bubbles: [singing over PA system] Ricky: fck! Meat dicks, meat dicks. Julian: These are just birthday presents. You have no right to look in them. We're going to leave now. Rick, let's leave, calmly, come on. Bubbles: Oh, I'm fcking high! [music] Bubbles: Where do I know that big cocksucker from? Ricky: Don't even fck the mind who that is? Phil: What are you doing? Ricky: Get the fck out of the way with your stupid fish and your hockey stick! Bubbles: Ricky, I'm not selling meat in the liquor store parking lot again. I don't want anybody I know to see me. It's embarrassing. Ricky: Bubbles, just smoke some of this home made blender hash, alright, and relax. Julian: Corey and Trevor should be doing this greasy sh1t, not us. Ricky: fcking Corey and Trevor. Corey and Trevor just vanished. No idea where the fck they went. Just ran away on me. Disappeared about six months ago and left a stupid note saying they're ever, never coming back. Thanks guys. Now I'm in a liquor store parking lot selling fcking meat instead of Corey and Trevor. What the fck are you looking at? Phil: What are you doing here man? This is my parking lot! I sell mackerel and blueberries. Bubbles: [coughing] Great, Phil Collins is here. Phil: Hey, hey. Bubbles, Julian. How are you guys doing? Selling stolen meat eh? Wanna buy some trout? Julian: Phil, would you get the fck out of here. Here, here, take this thing. Phil: Yeah, well alright, Julian. Ah, geez. Bubbles: Here Julian. Julian: fck! Bubbles: [singing] I am high! High, high. Woman: Julian? Don't you remember me Julian? Julian: Ah? Woman: Oh my, Bubbles. Is that you? It's me. Your grade three teacher, Mrs. Anderson. Bubbles: [coughing] Hi, hi Mrs. Anderson. Ricky: Oh my god, I'm so god-damned high. Bubbles: Ricky, no Ricky. Mrs. Anderson: I better be going guys. You know, it's never too late to change the path you're going down in life, boys. Julian: Thanks, Mrs. Anderson. Bubbles: Let's get the fck out of here, Julian. Ricky: Forty-two bucks already today boys. I can't believe it. Where the fck are you going, Julian? Julian: I'm not stealing meat anymore man, it's fcked. Ricky: Man, what the fck are you talking about? You're giving up seventeen, eighteen bucks a day. Julian: I gotta get a job or something man. Ricky: A job? Julian, we don't work. You know us. Bubbles: Ricky, think about what you just said. Maybe we should work. Getting a good job is a good idea Julian. Julian: Listen, if I don't start making some cash soon, I'm going to lose my fcking trailer man. Seventeen bucks a day, not cutting it. Ricky: Why is he so fcking worried about his trailer getting repositioned? We're doing good here man. More money for us buddy. See buddy, now this is what I'm talking about. Business. Jim Lahey: Hey Rick. Open for business? Ricky: How's it going Sir? What can I get for you? Jim Lahey: What do you got that's fresh? Ricky: Jim, we both know you came over here for more than just a box of meat. Jim Lahey: Well Ricky, I was hoping to get a few grams for Randy. But he, look, he doesn't want to pay twelve bucks a gram anymore. He's smoking a lot of dope Rick. He's a good customer. How about ten? Six grams, sixty bucks? Ricky: Oh my fck, Cheryl! What are you doing? I told you to stay off the counter. Look, you can have this but that's it alright. Now take that and get the fck out. Ricky: My father grazed me to that, that other things like animals that live or like I that live and I'm supposed to be the same to them and try to treat them good but I've got fcking insects now coming to my trailer and frogs and fcking these things that look like cats but they got these long beaky nose things. They're all attracted to my dope. I can't sell my fcking things coming in like crows. I nicknamed this one crow Cheryl and she's pretty cool but I have to give her a peanut butter sandwich so she'll stop stealing my fcking weed and it's just, it's making me lose my fcking mind. I'm sick of all this sh1t. I gotta sell this fcking dope soon or I'm going to snap. Ricky: I'm getting pretty sick of you and Randy showing up here offering me ten or eight or anything else. You know what, if you cops started doing your job and you busted some growers I wouldn't have problem. Nobody gives a fck about good dope. I'm sick of this sh1t Jim. Look let me spelt it out for you. See what that says? Twelve bucks a gram, firms. Jim Lahey: Are you selling any of this dope, Ricky? Ricky: I sold a little bit. Jim Lahey: Well, I refuse to pay twelve bucks a gram when you can get it for six down at the mall. Ricky: Well, you know what Jim? Go down to the fcking mall and get the shitty mall dope. You only get fcking one joint out of a gram, it's sh1t. Jim Lahey: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Look, I'll take one gram. Bubbles: Hey Ray. What, are you redoing your plumbing? Ray: fck no. Son of a fcking whore. [crashing sound] Ray: fcking, I don't use this as plumbing Bubbles, you know that. fcking selling it as scrap metal. You know, get my liquor money buddy. Bubbles: Ray! Ripping the plumbing out of your walls for liquor money is fcked! Ray: No, Bubbs. Bubbles: Ray, do you ever wonder if you've chosen the right path in life? [pipes clanging] Ray: What do you mean, like, if your rig is on the right road? Bubbles: Yeah, that type of thing. Ray: fck yeah, buddy. You kidding me. I think about that sh1t all the time. Every fcking day I think about that. You know, I'll be, I'll be perfectly honest with you buddy. I'm sick of working with Randy, running this park. Bubbles: Ray, all you really do is get drunk and drive around waving at people. Ray: Yeah, I know but I'd give it all up in a second buddy. If there was just some fcking way back on the road. Like that's ever going to happen. Bubbles: Hey, do you think you can work with Ricky tonight? I just don't think I can. Ray: Why, are you guys having a problem or something? Bubbles: Ray, I love those guys like brothers, you know that. But, I just can't do this greasy small-time crime sh1t anymore. Ray: I know what you're saying Bubbles. It's a young man's game. That's why I got out of it. So here, if I were you, I'd do it one more time and then get the fck out of it. You know, get me five pounds of bacon and a half pound of regular beef too while you're at it, would you? Bubbles: You know what Ray? I think maybe I should be doing my own jobs that I plan. I think it would be less stressful. Ray: You need a hobby like mine Bubbs. Bubbles: Hobby? What's your hobby, Ray? Ray: Drinking. Hey buddy, want a beer. Bubbles: I'd love a beer. Ray: Here, go ahead. Bubbles: Do you think I could get in on this scrap metal bullshit with you? I have connections in the cart world. Ray: fck yes. I could use a hand buddy. Bubbles: Alright, let's do it. Ray: Let's do it. Bubbles: Want to keep it on the downsie though. Ray: Alright, no problem. Jacob: I can't believe we're working together. This is awesome. Julian: Yeah, thanks for the job Jacob. Jacob: Oh my god, Julian. Is this your car? Julian: Yup. Jacob: Monte Carlo. What a cool car. Is it an '86? Julian: '87. Jacob: fck, it's in great shape man. Julian: Thanks man. Jacob: Can you light her up? Julian: I'll see what I can do. [tires squealing] Jacob: Yeah, light it up! BAM! See you later Julian. [knocking sound] Sam: Julian? Julian: Oh my fck. Sam: You're delivering pizzas now? Julian: No man, my cousin's car broke down and I Sam: Your cousin, yeah. Julian: Twenty-two bucks. Sam: Your cousin? Julian: Twenty-two bucks Sam. Sam: Yeah, okay. I got it right here. Uh, I got most of it. Julian: What do you mean? Sam: I got, twenty-one fifty. Julian: Sam, this is coming out of my own pocket, come on! Sam: I'm not made of money man. Come on, twenty-one fifty. Take it or leave it. Julian: [sighs] Police Officer George: Alright, next item. Harvey, Bern, all this luggage disappearing at the airport. What leads have you got? Nothing? You're off the case. Ted and I will take this one over. Hodgson, Chambers, want you to start laying down some muscle on this meat stealing ring. I mean, come on guys, they're stealing meat. How hard can this possibly be? It's getting embarrassing. Alright, that's it. Don't fck around out there. Jim Lahey: Hey George, what about me? Police Officer George: Actually, you know what, hold up everyone! You know, Jim, there is something you can do for us. Jim Lahey: What's that George? Police Officer George: Take a run up to Horton's for the boys. [laughter] Jim Lahey: Every fcking day. Police Officer Ted: Guess you thought being back in the force would be more exciting. Double double decaf, Boston cream. Jim Lahey: Double double. Triple single. That's only seventy five cents, Terry. For fck's sakes. [SCENE_BREAK] Ricky: Hey. Lucy: Hello. How are you? Ricky: Hey Trin. Sarah: Nice cooler Ricky. Is that yours? Ricky: Yeah. Sarah: Yeah? How can you tell? Ricky: What are you book learning Trin? Trinity: Ah, mammals and stuff. Ricky: Cool. Trinity: Birds. Ricky: How's the little bottle of joy doing? Lucy: Fine. Ricky: Well, I got you some meat. Lots of meat. You got a bunch of pork chops and ground beef. And bacon and this stuff, couple of those things. Lucy: You know what dude, as great as it is that you got all this stuff and I know that you're trying, you know what we really need? Some money. Ricky: Lucy, don't tell me you're going to start busting my cock too. You know what I'm going through right now. And Julian quit working for me today. Lucy: Uh-huh. Ricky: I'm trying to sell this friggin dope. What do you do when guys are selling dope down at the mall for six bucks a gram, even though it's sh1t, but people are buying it. I'm fcking trying here Lucy. Lucy: Would you like a piece of licorice Sarah? Sarah: Sure. Lucy: There you go. Enjoy. Chew on that. Sarah: Uh-huh. Ricky: I'm not trying to freak out. I'm sorry. Lucy: Uh-huh. Ricky: You got another baby on the way and that got me learning that I gotta become better. For the person that's going to be born. You know that I always become a better person when the person that gets born is born. I'll do whatever it takes Lucy. That's what I'm talking about here. You think I want to be stealing fcking meat, I'm doing it for you guys. Lucy: What happened to the guy I made love with in the bathroom of Kentucky Fried Chicken? What happened? Where is that guy, huh? Ricky: Lucy, please. We all know this is all Corey and Trevor's fault. I fcking know you know where they are Sarah. I know you do. And if I ever see those guys again, it's fcking on, big time! Sarah: That's right, Ricky. Ricky: You got one of those Corey and Trevor things on your arm? Sarah: Yeah I did. I did, because I miss them, because I loved them. You drove them out of here. You know and you blame everything on them. Ricky: I drove them out of here? I gave them opportunities Sarah to grow dope. You know what they did? They couldn't handle it and they had to run away. Sarah: I don't know where Corey and Trevor are Ricky. If I did, I wouldn't tell you. But I don't know where they are. Corey and Trevor are in a mental institution in an undisclosed location. Ricky had them so overworked last year growing dope that they had complete nervous breakdowns. Ricky: fck Corey and Trevor. I mean, I was always there for those guys. I helped them. I taught them how to steal cars, how to steal gas. Showed them how to grow dope. I cared for them. I fed them. I was as good a friend to Corey and Trevor as anybody was. I was basically like their fcking dad. Nobody showed those guys more love than me. Knock knock boys. Trevor: Who's there? Julian: So, we're cool? Trevor: Yeah man. [gun shots] Ricky: Let's go, smokes. You're fcking lucky. Corey: fcking snakes dude. fck no. [music] Sarah: The doctors strongly recommend that Corey and Trevor never come back to Sunnyvale again, not even for a visit. And they're dead set against them ever talking to Ricky again or they say they could lose their minds completely. Ray: Hey buddy. Ricky: Where the fck are you guys coming from? Ray: Just up at Shitty Bills. Bubbles: Are you hungry? Ricky: Yeah. I am fcking hungry. Ray: Are you hungry enough to blow 23 bucks on pizzas with the old man buddy? Ricky: Where the fck did you get that kind of money? Ray: I'm telling you Rick, you should rip the plumbing out of your place too. You would not believe the fcking money I make in scrap metal, look at that. Ricky: It's crazy. Ray: Crazy? Better than delivering pizzas like fcking Julian, Ill tell you that. Ricky: What are you talking about? Ray: He didn't tell you? Ray: He's delivering pizzas. Ricky: Is that true Bubbs? Julian's delivering fcking pizzas? That's his new job? Bubbles: Ricky, don't be teasing him. J-Roc: Hey pizza boy. Jules? What you doing here dawg? Julian: What are you guys doing here? Cleaning floors J-Roc? J-Roc: No you man, just filling in for some ma-fuckers. What you doing here? Julian: Just, it's uh, this charity thing I'm, it's a pizza run, it's, for the kids, it's uh, you know. Tyrone: Charity pizza run? Julian: Yeah, charity. J-Roc: What are you talking about, you man? Last I heard, you were stealing meat, you know what I'm saying. Which is already whack. Not to mention it was with that snuffleupagus, walrus-ass manatee Phil Collins. But now you delivering pizza B? Eh, you want a pipe? Julian: J- Roc, twenty-nine dollars. Bubbles: Alright, look. Here's the meat pre-list. 15 rib roasts, 30 ten pound bags of hamburger, 12 turkeys, 40 chickens, 50 sirloin steaks, 2 dozen pot roasts and 20 LOLs, otherwise known as legso lamb. Can we pull this off? That's theft over a thousand? Ricky: Bubbles, don't worry about it. I promise you. We're not going to go to jail. All we gotta do is order some pizza. Bubbles: Got me Ricky. Walkie check, walkie check. You got me now? Ricky: Yeah, that's a lot better Bubbs. You're clear. Bubbles: Let's get this bullshit over with. Ricky: Alright, see you in five or ten minutes man. This is the most meat we've ever stealen in one time so the trick is, go to a specialtilization meat store and get a man on the inside. So basically Bubbs is the man on the inside. He goes in and sneaks in the freezer, waits til th close, and comes and opens the door, and we take all the fcking meat we want, it's perfect. Bubbles: Alright Ricky, I'm in the freezer. Hurry up, I don't like being cold. Ricky: Just hang in there man. I'll have some warm stuff for you when you get out. Hot chocolate, whatever. Bubbles: Is the clerk leaving yet or what? Ricky: Open 9 til 9. What the fck! Uh, Bubbles, bit of a problem. It seems like they're open later than they used to be. I don't know what happened. I thought I checked it but you're going to have to be in there for a little bit longer than expected. Not that bad, not that much longer though okay? Bubbles: Define a little bit longer! Ricky: Hopefully only like twenty minutes. I don't know yet. Bubbles: That doesn't make any sense Ricky. That means they'ren til 6:20? Nobody closes at 6:20. Ricky: It's not that bad. It's just, you know, it's like being in a freezer I guess. It's cold, or draw some things in the frost. Pretend it's winter time, you're building a snow man out of meat and cats are running around playing. And Bubbles: Ricky! Do you realize what you just said to me? Ricky: Bubbs, let me tell you a little story. When I was twelve years old, me and my dad were stealing meat. I was in the fcking freezer for seven hours. He couldn't get me out and the locks were all different and Bubbles: Ricky, I don't care how long you were in a meat freezer! Ricky: I did seven fcking hours buddy. You can do three. The first two hours are going to suck, I'll tell you right now. But after that, it's really not that bad. Jacob, where the fck is that pizza man? I ordered it forty-five minutes ago. Julian: Did you order a pizza? Ricky: Hey, pizza guy. Over here. Julian: [sighs] What the fck is wrong with you? Ricky: What are you talking about? Julian: Do you think it's some kind of a joke that I'm working here Ricky? Ricky: Julian, you're playing pizza games. I got a better offer for you. We can make two thousand dollars in meat tonight. Two grand. Bubbles, it's okay to come out now man. Come on out. Bubbles? fck, he must not hear me. Julian: How long's he been in there? Ricky: Not that long, ten, twenty minutes. Well, yeah, close to three hours, I guess. Julian: Three hours? [glass smashing] Ricky: Alright Bubbles, start gathering up the meat. We're inside. Hey buddy. Aw, fck! God, Bubbles can you hear me? Bubbles: Yeah, I can hear you's boys. Little disappointed in yas. Julian: Help me get him out of here Ricky. Ricky: We're not leaving here without meat. Julian: fck the meat! Go find a coat or a blanket or something, we gotta warm him up Ricky. Bubbles: Very cold, very cold. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. That bread feels wonderful Ricky. Wonderful. [moaning] Ricky: I'm so fcking sorry, what happened tonight. Take tonight off and we'll get back at her tomorrow, alright? Bubbles: Back at her? fck that Ricky. I'm not working with you and Julian anymore. Sorry, but that's it. I'm done. I gotta go to sleep boys. Just sleepy times. Julian: Two pounds. What a fcking waste. Ricky: Holy fck! Raykins. That's what those furry little bitches are Julian that are fcking you over, raykins. On top of the mold, I'm going to snap man, I can't deal with this sh1t. Two pounds of dope going up because of mold. Great. Man, I hate to keep blaming Corey and Trevor, it's their fcking fault. They should be here dealing with this sh1t, not me. Julian: Sounds like you miss them Rick. Rick: Yeah, maybe I do fcking miss them Julian. I fcking miss Corey and Trevor alright, I said it. Julian: Get over it, cause they're never coming back. Listen, we're going to sell this dope. But we have to be patient and sit on it. Wait for the right person to smoke it okay? And Ricky, we gotta lower the price to ten bucks a gram. Ricky: Oh fck! Alright, I'll go to ten, but no lower than ten. It's still f*cking twelve for Lahey and Randy.
doc_208	[ EXT. Massacre Site - Day ] ( A sizable river runs by and birds sing in the trees. It is a beautiful day, despite the carnage at the surveyors' camp. Scalped bodies lay on the ground, the sound of FLIES heavy in the air. Some of the bodies have been loaded into the back of a buckboard wagon by two men. The CHICAGO TRIBUNE REPORTER is documenting the scene with his camera. His flash-pan WHOOSHES loudly. The horse hitched to the buckboard is startled by the sound and WHINNIES. ) ( The reporter looks up from his camera towards the ridge to see a party of three men riding on horseback. One figure, on a white horse, rides ahead of the two other men. The two men with the reporter chamber rounds in their weapons. ) Reporter: It's Durant. ( DURANT dismounts, as do the two men. ) Reporter: ( to himself ) What the hell's he doing here? ( Durant walks up to the Reporter. ) Durant: Are you the Chicago Tribune reporter? Reporter: Yes Durant: Did you photograph this body? Reporter: Y-yes, sir, Mr. Durant, but just-just the one body. ( Durant looks at the man, disgusted. ) Durant: What's wrong with you, man? Reporter: I'm sorry. I thought... Durant: Just the one won't do. ( The Reporter is confused. ) Durant: ( to the men by the buckboard ) Get those bodies off the wagons. Come on, snap to, boys. ( The men drag one man, the sentry who was shot first, from the wagon. They drag the sentry back to the field as Durant continues to talk to the reporter. ) Durant: I want this scene photographed exactly how you found it. I want an unblinking look at the horror perpetrated here. ( The Reporter is still confused. ) Durant: More arrows. We need more arrows. ( Durant gathers arrows and sticks them into random corpses lying in the meadow. He attempts to stick one into a man lying in front of the Reporter but it won't go in. Durant pushes it slowly in with a SQUISH, much to the Reporter's disgust. Durant looks up at him. ) Durant: He can't feel anything. He's dead, for God's sake. ( Durant turns as a man, identified as DURANT'S MAN, walks from the tree line. ) Durant: The maps. You find them? Durant's man: ( shrugs ) No, sir. Nothing anywhere. Durant: Keep looking. Durant's other man (O.C.): Mr. Durant, over here! [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: Woods ] ( Durant and his men walk towards two bodies, one being Sun Bear, the brave killed by Lily Bell. Durant kneels and rolls over the other. It is Robert Bell. ) Durant: Robert. ( stands ) Pack up everything. Bring it all back to Hell on Wheels. ( Durant is about to leave when something catches his eye in the grass. He bends to pick up the object. It is a silver pocket watch. He opens the hunting case and turns it to see the inside of the cover. There is a black and white photo of Lily Bell stuck to the watch cover. He looks at the photo a long while. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. The Cut - Day ] ( Men, both Negro and white, are working in the cut. BOHANNON walks along the top of the cut, monitoring work. He looks at ELAM before continuing on. Two men approach on horseback at a gallop. One, Dix, has long brown hair. The other, BOLAN, has short, sandy hair and a beard and wears a Union jacket. Bohannon notices them and puts his hand on the grip of his gun. Elam climbs out of the cut and stands next to Bohannon as Dix and Bolan approach. ) Elam: ( quietly ) They found Johnson's body. Everybody back in camp talk 'bout it. ( Bohannon turns to Elam. ) Bohannon: Get the hell back in that cut. ( Elam doesn't move. Bolan arrives first and pulls his horse to a stop. ) Bolan: You Cullen Bohannon? ( Bohannon and Elam stare at Bolan. ) Bolan: You hear about Daniel Johnson's murder? Bohannon: Who wants to know? Bolan: ( raises eyebrows and smirks ) Why you so spooked, son? Bohannon: I guess I still ain't cottoned to the sight of Union blue riding up on me. ( Bolan chuckles and smiles. He turns to Dix, who gives a small smile. ) Bolan: You ought to be happy to see us. Bohannon: Yeah? And why's that? Bolan: Boss wants to talk to you about taking Johnson's job. ( Bohannon sighs and looks at Elam ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Hell on Wheels - Same Day ] ( Town is bustling with activity after the move to a new location. People are setting up their tents. MICKEY is pulling up a pole that forms part of the framework for the Magic Lantern Show tent. ) ( SEAN exits the Starlight Saloon with two bottles of liquor. He crosses the street to Mickey and hands him a bottle. ) Sean: Here you go, Mickey. ( puts his arm around Mickey's shoulder ) Yeah. ( Near the rail line, Bohannon rides his horse, following Dix and Bolan. Bohannon is smoking a cigar. ) ( CLOSE ON man hanging from a makeshift gallows ) ( The trio arrive at their destination and dismount. Bohannon follows Bolan up the steps of a caboose. Bohannon removes his hat and puts out his cigar with his boot before entering. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Caboose ] ( A large, imposing man dressed in a black waistcoat sits praying over a piece of hardtack at his desk. This is THOR GUNDERSEN. The hanged man can be seen through the window behind him. ) Swede: We thank thee Lord for this bounty you have placed before me. ( He finishes and looks up at Bohannon. He indicates a chair across from his desk. ) Swede: Sit down. ( Bolan pulls up a chair across from the Swede's desk. The Swede dips the hardtack in a bowl of liquid. ) Swede: Sit down. ( Bohannon doesn't sit but eyes the Swede. The Swede calmly takes a bite of hardtack. Bohannon looks out the window at the hanged man. ) Swede: ( nods towards window ) Horse thief. Tor Gundersen, head of security for Mr. Thomas Durant. ( The Swede extends his hand. Bohannon shakes. ) Swede: They call me the Swede. ( beat ) I'm Norwegian but no matter. ( shrugs ) We are all Americans now, even you Rebels, yes? ( He smiles but Bohannon does not return it or respond. ) Swede: Hmm...Daniel Johnson told me that the two of you was cut from the same cloth. Bohannon: ( scoffs ) Yeah? I don't think so. Swede: ( bits into hardtack ) Why is that? Did you not like him? Bohannon: ( shrugs and shakes head ) He was my boss. That's about all there was to it. Swede: And drinking companion, yes? Bohannon: ( nods ) We tore it up some. Swede: I understand the two of you was "tearing it up some" on the night he was murdered. In fact, you was seen leaving the saloon with him. Hmm? ( The two men stare each other down for a moment. Bohannon smirks. ) Bohannon: Yeah. ( looks toward Bolan and Dix ) I'm not here to talk about Johnson's job, am I? Swede: ( laughing ) Is that what they told you? ( Bolan and Dix stand near the door, chuckling. Bolan has placed himself in front of the door. The Swede continues to chew on the hardtack. ) Bohannon: You a lawman, Mr. Swede? Swede: Hmm? Bohannon: 'Cause I don't see no badge. Swede: ( brushes off his clothes ) Oh, no. There's no official law out here yet. Bohannon: Then what authority you got to be interrogating me? Swede: ( looks up ) Mr. Durant has appointed me to bring some order to the chaos out here. Bohannon: When's the last time you took a look outside, Mr. Swede? ( beat ) Looks to me like chaos is winnin'. Swede: Well, when harlots and dipsomaniacs are killed, I lose not a minute's sleep. But Daniel Johnson was a valuable asset to Mr. Durant. Bohannon: Daniel Johnson was hated by just about every man who worked for him. Swede: ( with interest ) Any with a reason to kill him? ( beat ) Perhaps one of the Negroes. ( nods ) I heard he had some trouble with them. Hmm? Bohannon: I wouldn't know nothing about that. Swede: ( skeptical ) Hmm...Ja, ja. ( He sweeps the crumbs from the hardtack with his pinky and he mutters in Norwegian. He looks up at Bohannon. ) Swede: Well, that leaves only you then. Bohannon: ( beat ) You know what? I'm done here. This ain't no court. ( The Swede grips a double-barrel, pistol-grip coach gun that is holstered to the underside of his desk. Bohannon moves towards the door. As he passes, Dix pulls Bohannon back by his coat pocket. Bohannon unsheathes a knife and nicks Dix. He holds the knife to Bolan's throat. The unmistakable CLICKS of the hammers going back on the shotgun stops Bohannon in his tracks. ) ( The Swede holds up the gun, the word "BEAUTY" carved on the side of one barrel. ) Swede: This here's Beauty. ( Bolan swings Bohannon's knife away from his throat. He pulls out his pistol and cocks back the hammer. He straightens his jacket, indignant. ) Swede: She's an old piece, but she still shoots true. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Pig Car ] ( The Swede shoves Bohannon into the car. Bohannon hits the far side of the cart and falls. The Swede holds him by the neck. He puts on manacles that are tethered around one of the floor boards. ) ( Bolan stands near the door, his pistol trained on Bohannon. ) Swede: We gonna give you a chance to confess to this crime. ( He nods and Bohannon looks up at him in fear. The Swede slowly turns away and leaves. Bolan holsters his pistol and slides the door shut. The CLANK of the chains can be heard as he locks Bohannon in. ) ( Bohannon waits a moment before pulling at the chain looped around the floor board. The board CREAKS but it doesn't budge. He pulls again but falls on his backside. He looks out at the hanging man and sighs, his eyes wild. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Nebraska Territory - Day ] ( LILY BELL walks slowly near a river, the map case tucked under her arm. She is disheveled and covered in blood. She hears the SNORT of a horse and looks around. ) ( Through the trees, she sees several men on horseback. ) ( She drops to the ground, wincing in pain. ) ( The men ride out of the trees. There are three Cheyenne men. ) ( Lily crouches behind a fallen tree, peering through the branches. ) ( The men dismount and hitch their horses to a large tree. Two of them begin to gather fuel for a fire while the third, PAWNEE KILLER, looks towards the log Lily is hiding behind. She crouches, terrified. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Pig Car - Same Day ] ( Bohannon sits with his back against the wall. He digs with his heel at the straw strewn on the floor. He sees a large nail sticking up from the floor boards. Bohannon moves to kneel near the nail and starts to scratch at the wood around it. He grips the nail and starts to pull at it. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INTERCUT BETWEEN ] [ FLASHBACK - INT. Bohannon Farmhouse - Some time before 1864 ] ( FROM Bohannon's POV ) ( The camera pans down a hallway and moves towards the front porch of the house. A woman with auburn hair is sitting in a chair cross stitching. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Pig Car - Same Day ] ( Bohannon continues to pull at nail. ) ( FLASHBACK INT/EXT. Bohannon Farmhouse, Porch - Sometime before 1864 ) ( PUSH IN on woman's cross stitch. It is a picture of a yellow farmhouse with a magnolia tree blossoming in front of it. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Pig Car - Same Day ] ( Bohannon continues to work at nail ) ( FLASHBACK I/E Bohannon Farmhouse, Porch - Sometime before 1864 ) ( The woman looks up as someone puts his hands on her shoulders. She smiles as she looks up at Bohannon. This is Mary Bohannon, his wife. He smiles down at her. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Pig Car - Same Day ] ( Sweat beads on the end of Bohannon's nose as he strains at the nail. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Nebraska Territory - Same Day ] ( Lily dozes, leaning against the fallen tree. ) ( Pawnee Killer and his men are camped out only a few feet away from Lily's hiding spot. One man brushes his hair with a silver brush while the other puts more wood on the fire. ) ( JOSEPH walks out of the woods towards the camp. The men do not hear him approach. ) Joseph: Where is she? ( The three men jump to their feet at the sound of Joseph's voice. ) Pawnee Killer: Hello, little brother. What are you doing way out here? ( Joseph takes the brush from the men. ) Joseph: Where's the woman? ( He holds out the brush to Pawnee Killer. It was Lily's once. ) Pawnee Killer: We don't have her. Yet. Joseph: You kill white men, that's one thing. But you take one of their women and you'll have every damn one of them hunting you down. Pawnee Killer: ( nods ) Good. I'll count coup and get more scalps. Joseph: I hope it was worth it. ( Joseph turns and starts to walk away. ) Pawnee Killer: What about the scalps you took? ( Joseph stops and looks over his shoulder. ) Pawnee Killer: You act so pure now, but I remember a time when you loved the taste of blood. ( Joseph turns more fully towards Pawnee Killer. ) Joseph: ( nods ) Jesus has forgiven me for that. Pawnee Killer: ( nods ) Jesus may have forgiven you but do you think your white friends would? ( Joseph stays silent and walks away. ) Pawnee Killer: ( calling after Joseph ) You better find her before I do. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT/EXT. Hell on Wheels, Pig Car - That Night ] ( Bohannon is still struggling to pull up the floorboard. He grunts as he strains at his chains. ) ( Elam walks up to the car. ) Elam: Hey. Hey. ( Bohannon stops and looks up, confused. ) Elam: You'd be surprised how fast you get used to the feel of them things. Bohannon: What the hell are you doing here? ( Bohannon goes back to working on his chains. ) Elam: Wanted to know if you be fixing to testifying on me. Bohannon: I don't know. Ain't decided yet. Elam: I know about that sergeant. ( Bohannon stops and looks up again. ) Elam: Heard Johnson say some other things, too. Things about men getting killed in churches and such. ( Bohannon goes back to work. ) Bohannon: Yeah, what's your point? Elam: Point is, I be hanging for Johnson, you gonna drop down right beside me for the folks you done killed. ( Bohannon moves to the side of the car so he can look Elam in the eye. ) Bohannon: Tell you what, you tell your story and then I'll tell mine and we'll see who they believe. Elam: ( nods ) Yeah, who'll believe some nigger slave over a white man? Bohannon: ( chuckles ) Relax, son. Ain't nobody hanging nobody. ( Bohannon moves back to pull at the floorboard. ) Elam: I ain't your damn son. Bohannon: Well, I'll be out of her by tomorrow. Elam: I imagine that's what that horse thief done said. ( Bohannon looks up at Elam. Elam hears a wagon coming and runs off. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. McGinnes Brothers' Magic Lantern Show Tent - Same Night ] ( A crowd is leaving after another successful magic lantern show. SEAN leans against table holding the magic lantern while MICKEY holds open the tent flap, seeing patrons out. The Swede sits silently on a bench, still staring at the screen. Mickey and Sean look at each other and then the Swede. ) Mickey: Did you enjoy the show, sir? ( The Swede doesn't look up, instead admiring the projected image of a bridge over a river. ) Swede: Very moving images of home, boys. Sean: But you don't sound Irish. Swede: I ain't, but my heart was moved nonetheless. ( sighs ) We all yearning for our homeland out here in this strange place. Sean: ( pulls out the slide ) Excuse me, sir, have we met? Swede: We have not. ( rises and turns to the brothers ) Folks 'round here call me the Swede. ( extends his hand to Mickey ) You got yourself a prime location here, boys. Mickey: ( steps forward and shakes the Swede's hand ) Yes, siree. Right between the whores and the liquor. ( Sean looks worried. ) Mickey: ( laughs ) Picked it out meself. Sean: What is it you want, Mr. Swede? Swede: I like that. Right to the point. And the point is nice location like this got a nice price attached to it. ( Sean nods, realizing why the Swede is there. Mickey is suddenly very grave. ) Sean: I should have realized there was a reason this spot wasn't taken. I should have seen this comin'. Swede: I take it you're the smart one. Sean: Aye. ( Mickey makes a protesting sound. ) Sean: So how much you want, Mr. Swede? Swede: Ah, once again, right to the point. Uh, two dollars a week. First payment due this Friday. Mickey: ( incensed ) But that's half our flippin' take! Swede: ( loudly ) And for this two dollars you shall have my protection against all the villains that surround you in this wicked place. ( Sean looks skeptical. ) Mickey: And what if we don't pay? Swede: Well, you can always move down to the slaughterhouse. Sean: ( defiantly ) And what if we refuse to move? Swede: ( smiles ) And I thought you was the smart one. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Hell on Wheels, Near the Pig Car - Next Day ] ( A rooster CROWING and hens CLUCKING can be heard. The dirt roads in town are now mud, some places simply deep puddles from rain. People slowly go about their morning business. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Pig Car - Day ] ( Bohannon is still trying to pry up the nail. He hears the CLANK of the chains on the door and looks up to see the shadow of someone about to open the door. He throws straw around the nail and quickly sits with his back to the wall. ) ( The door slides open. The camera pans up from a pair of black boots to reveal the Swede. He has removed his coat. A silver charm of Thor's hammer hangs from his pocket watch chain. He smiles as he surveys the pig car. He pulls a crate across the room and sits down. The crate CREAKS under his weight. The Swede looks at Bohannon for a moment before carefully beginning to eat. ) Swede: I used to be a bookkeeper. Bohannon: You look like a bookkeeper. Swede: Hmm. I was always more comfortable around numbers than people. I could control numbers. Bohannon: The war put a stop to that, didn't it? ( The Swede chews for a moment and looks at Bohannon. ) Bohannon: You're suffering from the Soldier's Heart, Mr. Swede. Yeah, I can see it in your eyes. You're still fighting them battles. Swede: I saw no battles. I was a quartermaster. More numbers. I never even saw the enemy 'til our supply train was captured and I become prisoner of war. Bohannon: Andersonville? Swede: ( nods ) That's right. Way down in the great state of Georgia. Total chaos ruled. Thirty thousand prisoners, fourteen thousand dead. I weighed two hundred pounds when I went it, and eighty-six when I come out. I just couldn't make them numbers add up. ( He pulls up left sleeve to reveal a large red scar ) Swede: I awoke one night to find one of my own men trying to eat the flesh from my arm. He thought I was dead. But I realized that night I had to control people like I control numbers and I learned to practice a sort of immoral mathematics. And I did some... ( whispers ) horrible...not so good things in Andersonville, Mr. Bohannon. Ja? In the end, I found I was able to make them numbers add up. ( He finishes eating and rests spoon against bowl rim. ) Swede: ( brighter ) So, have you thought about that confession? Bohannon: I figured by your math you're gonna hang me either way. Swede: Ja. ( The Swede slowly rises and turns to go. ) Bohannon: You know why the man didn't finish eating your sorry ass? ( The Swede turns around and steps closer to Bohannon. ) Swede: Hmm? Bohannon: 'Cause you Yankees all taste like sh1t. ( Bohannon suddenly kicks out and knocks the bowl and spoon from the Swede's hands. The Swede shouts in anger. Bohannon prepares himself for retribution but the Swede gets hold of himself. ) Swede: ( calmly ) Get right with your Maker, Mr. Bohannon. Soon as we cut down the horse thief, you gonna hang. ( The Swede exits and shuts and locks the door. He stares down Bohannon between the slats of the car before leaving. Bohannon waits a moment before he moves towards the spoon and bowl the Swede left behind. They are beyond the reach of his hands. He kicks the bowl away and drags the spoon towards him with his foot. The spoon gets caught between two floorboards. He strains but can't get it free. He scissors it between his feet and lifts it from the crevice. Grabbing it from his feet, he quickly brushes away the straw from the nail. Using the spoon as a lever, he starts pry it up. He chuckles to himself as it pulls slowly from the wood. He holds the nail in his hands, looking at it. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Pig Car - Same Day ] ( The Swede cuts down the horse thief from the gallows with the help of Dix. Bohannon pulls out another nail and then another. He stands and pulls at his chains. After a moment, the board comes free. Bohannon looks out of the train car and sees the Swede approaching. Using the board he's pried loose, Bohannon levers another board free. He pulls another loose with his hands. ) ( The Swede is unlocking the door. ) ( Bohannon slips through the hole in the floor. He reaches up and feels around for his hat for a moment before grabbing it. ) ( The Swede pulls open the door and sees that Bohannon has escaped. He looks through the hole in the floor. He is distraught. ) ( Bohannon crouches under the train platform. He loops the chain around his wrists and hides his still manacled hands in his hat. Bohannon slips through camp. ) ( The Swede has Bolan and Dix with him and they search around the platform looking for Bohannon but he has already moved on. ) ( Bohannon blends in with a group of workers. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Nebraska Territory-Same Day ] ( Durant's party and the Reporter and his party are on their way back to Hell on Wheels. Durant's men ride on horseback, one leading Durant's white horse along. ) Durant (O.C.): Write this down: outnumbered five to one, eight white Christian souls were brutally slaughtered by the marauding, bloodthirsty war party of merciless savages. ( The camera pans over the wagon of dead bodies as they rattle on the journey back to Hell on Wheels. Durant rides in a second wagon with the reporter. ) Reporter: Outnumbered five-to-one? Durant: Make it ten-to-one. ( The Reporter hesitates before writing. ) Durant: Amongst the murdered were Robert Bell, ( swats a bug ) visionary surveyor the Union Pacific Railroad. His beautiful wife, Lily, the Fair-Haired Maiden of the West, was sullied by the savage pack, then carried off into slavery in their filthy camp. Reporter: What does sullied mean again? Durant: It will mean whatever the reader wants it to mean. My road will bring civilization to these untamed western lands. And the Fair-Haired Maiden of the West represents nothing less than civilization itself. Reporter: You see this as sort of rallying cry? Durant: Yes, now you're getting it. Reporter: Save her at all costs. Durant: Save her, yes but I want national troops brought in to clear every last savage from the path of my road. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Pawnee Killer's camp - Same Day ] ( Lily awakes, leaning against the same log she hid behind when the war party arrived. She sits up and winces in pain. Crouching, she peers over the log and sees the campfire abandoned. She stumbles up to the ashes of the campfire and kneels beside them. It is still smoldering. ) ( Lily unbuttons her dress and examines the wound in her left shoulder. It is still bloody and very deep. She pulls at the boning in her corset. She struggles but pulls a piece free. She breaks it into a smaller piece and bites down on the end. She tugs at the hem of her skirt until she comes away with a long strand of thread. ) ( Lily wraps the thread around the makeshift needle she had made from the boning. She takes a moment, breathing deeply and looking at the sky, preparing herself for what she must do. She pushes the needle through the skin around her wound. She cries out, biting down on the bandage on her hand to stifle the sound. She makes several passes of the needle before she is done. She closes her eyes, her lashes wet with tears and falls backwards onto the grass, unconscious from the pain. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Hell on Wheels - Same Day ] ( Men and women walk the muddy roads. The Swede and Dix are still searching for Bohannon. ) ( Bohannon, seeing the Swede draw closer, ducks into the church tent. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. The Church Tent ] ( Bohannon stumbles backwards into the tent, kicking the flap closed. ) Cole (O.C.): Welcome, brother. ( Bohannon turns at the sound of REVEREND COLE's voice, startled. Cole looks over Bohannon's chains. ) Cole: You must be that fellow they're-they're looking to hang. ( Cole picks up the chains that manacle Bohannon and holds them in his hands. ) Cole: You know St. Peter himself was chained like this and condemned to die? And he was freed by an angel. ( Bohannon looks Cole up and down before wresting the chains back from the Reverend. His look is skiddish. ) Bohannon: I ain't no Saint Peter, sir. Cole: Yeah, and I'm no angel. ( Bohannon moves to the tent flap and peers out. ) ( The Swede is just outside but he hasn't seen Bohannon. ) ( Bohannon closes the flap. He is terrified. Cole moves to the flap and steps through. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT. Just outside the Church Tent ] Cole: Peace be with you sir. Swede: ( shakes Cole's hand ) And with you, Reverend, and with you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Church Tent; Bohannon dashes to the altar and picks up a heavy-looking cross. He readies himself to swing. ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT. Outside Church Tent ] Cole: I hear your prisoner escaped. Swede: ( nods ) Ja, we'll find him, it's just a matter of time. Cole: I'll be sure to keep an eye out for him. Swede: Careful he's a dangerous man. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Church Tent ] ( Bohannon is surprised but still stands ready to swing. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT. Outside the Church Tent ] ( The Swede walks away, followed by Dix. Cole re-enters the tent. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Church Tent ] Cole: Brother, we need to talk. Bohannon: I thought you were going to turn me in. Cole: No, the Lord instructs me to give sanctuary, even to the condemned. Bohannon: Yeah? What he say about ( holds up his arms ) cutting off a pair of cuffs? ( Cole takes the cross from Bohannon. ) Cole: You're on your own there. ( Bohannon shrugs and looks away. Cole reaches out towards Bohannon, who recoils slightly. ) Cole: You know, you best set things in your heart before you go a-swinging, son. Bohannon: They ain't gonna hang me. Cole: ( chuckles ) Nevertheless, one day your name will be called and on that day, you must answer. ( Bohannon sighs and bends to pick up his hat. He taps on a chair to get rid of the dust. ) Bohannon: I know it. Cole: And what are you going to say? Bohannon: I did the best that I could in a bad time. Cole: Now see, I understand that. Better than you know. But it won't be good enough for him. So all you got to do ( gets on his knees ) is get down on your knees. Bohannon: I seen plenty of men get down on their knees and call His name out in terrible time. I seen their prayers answered by a bullet, more often than not. Cole: It's-it's hard to comprehend, son, I know and it's impossible sometimes. But He is here and His mercy knows no bounds. So, just bend them knees and ask for forgiveness. Bohannon: Nah, sir. I won't do it. ( Bohannon walks past Cole to the tent flap. ) Cole: 'Cause the Lord took your faith? Bohannon: 'Cause I don't deserve forgiveness. ( Bohannon steps out of the tent, leaving Cole alone, kneeling on the ground. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Mickey and Sean's Tent - Same Day ] ( Sean goes to a suitcase and pulls out a wad of cash from a secret flap. ) Mickey: Oi! We can't use that. Sean: Ma would understand. Mickey: What about next week? And the week after? This ain't gonna stop. There's nothing we can do about this bstrd. Sean: That's what you said in Boston. Mickey: ( through gritted teeth ) I thought you said we never were to speak of that. Sean: ( smiles ) I got us out of that, I'll get us out of this. Mickey: But, how? ( Sean shrugs and smiles again. ) Sean: Don't know yet. We'll figure something. ( shaking money ) One day, we'll send this to Ma ( puts his hand on Mickey's shoulder ) and it will be as thick as a brick. ( Mickey smiles and nods. ) Sean: My hand to God. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT/INT. Freedman's Tent - Same Day ] ( A man stands lookout, peering out the tent flap. Inside, Elam is attempting to break Bohannon's chains with a spike and a hammer. Elam's wrists are wrapped in thick scars. Bohannon winces with each strike of the hammer. He stares at Elam's scars. Elam notices and lifts his wrist. ) Elam: I had some jackrabbit in me too. Master gave me a nice pair of bracelets to sleep in. ( strike ) Somebody put you in chains, natural thing to do is to try to escape. ( strike ) Ain't I right? ( strike ) ( Bohannon doesn't respond. Elam stares back at him. He raises the hammer and it is uncertain if he will strike the spike or Bohannon. ) Elam: Ain't I right. ( Bohannon grits his teeth. ) Bohannon: ( begrudgingly ) Yeah, you're right. ( Elam strikes the chains and they break with a CLATTER. The lookout turns towards Elam. ) Lookout: They coming. Elam: You gonna make a run for it? Bohannon: I ain't leaving. ( He gets up. ) Elam: They'll find you. Bohannon: Not where I'm going. ( Bohannon crawls under the tent wall. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Wilderness - Day ] ( Lily lies in the grass, fading in and out of consciousness. A large bird of prey circles overhead. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: HALLUCINATION - EXT. Survey Site - Day ] ( Robert sits in a field of tall grass, working on a map. He looks up at Lily. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT. Wilderness - Day ] ( Lily gasps. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: HALLUCINATION - EXT. Field - Day ] ( She and Robert stand together in a field of yellow flowers. He holds her by the waist and they press their foreheads together, both smiling. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT. Wilderness - Day ] ( Lily reaches out to her hallucination. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: HALLUCINATION - EXT. Field - Day ] ( Robert looks straight at Lily/camera before fading away, leaving behind the field of yellow flowers undulating in the wind. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: Wilderness - Day ] ( Lily looks up into the sky and sees three birds circling. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO:EXT. Further upriver ] ( Pawnee Killer and his men ride along the river. He stops at the SOUND of the birds and motions for his men to stop. They do. Pawnee Killer turns to see the birds circling over a stand of trees. He cries out and wheels his horse around towards the trees. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: Stand of trees ] ( Lily, now sitting upright. Hears the men TALKING. She grabs the maps, gets to her feet, and hurries away. The men are getting closer. She looks back towards the trees. She doesn't see Joseph until he grabs her, covering her mouth. She tries to scream but her cries are muffled in his hand. She struggles against him but he holds her fast. ) ( Pawnee Killer's party look through the trees but do not spot Joseph or Lily. ) ( Lily sees the men and stops struggling. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Just outside Hell on Wheels - Same Day ] ( Durant and the Reporter have returned. The Swede rides up on a brown horse to meet them. He wheels his horse around and rides alongside Durant. He looks over the bodies in the buckboard. ) Swede: So it's true. ( Durant makes a sound in the affirmative. ) Swede: ( skeptical ) Everyone? Durant: Everyone but the woman. Swede: Them Injuns get her? Durant: I don't know. Get the word out, one hundred dollars reward for anyone who finds her. But, uh ( looks over his shoulder ) not a word about the maps. Swede: Yeah. ( The Swede looks over his shoulder as well. ) ( The wagon train arrives at Durant's car. He dismounts from his horse straight onto the platform of his car. One of his men take the horse away and Swede rides off. Durant takes off his gloves and enters his car. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Durant's car ] ( Durant takes off his hat and set his hat and gloves on his desk. Bohannon stands just behind the door of the car. Durant turns, confused but not startled to see him standing there. ) Bohannon: ( nods ) Mr. Durant. Durant: ( still confused ) Who the hell are you? Bohannon: Cullen Bohannon. ( holds up shackles ) The man they're looking to hang. Durant: For killing Johnson. ( nods ) I suppose you're here to tell me you're innocent. Bohannon: ( shakes head ) Nah, sir. ( beat ) I'm here to ask for his job. ( Durant's face shifts from confusion to shock. ) Durant: How do you put your trousers on, son? ( Now Bohannon is confused. ) Bohannon: Sir? Durant: Over those big balls of yours. ( Durant narrows his eyes. Bohannon smirks, mildly amused. He walks to the window and peers out behind the shade. He turns back to Durant, holding his hand up. He locks the door with the other hand, with an audible CLICK. ) Bohannon: Two minutes that's all I ask. ( Durant waits for a beat before going to his desk. He pulls out a small six-shot pistol and sets it on an open ledger. Bohannon works his jaw, unsure of what is to happen next. Durant opens and looks at his pocket watch. ) Durant: Two minutes. ( He sets the watch next to the gun. He sits behind his desk. Bohannon gestures to the gun with his hat. ) Bohannon: You fight in the war, Mr. Durant? Durant: I served my country in other ways. Bohannon: Well, building this railroad ain't much different from a war. You got an army out there and they need a leader. Durant: I take you fought for the South, ( drawls ) Mr. Bohannon. Bohannon: ( smirks ) Yes, sir. ( nods ) And that's exactly why you need to hire me. Durant: ( confused ) You're going to have to explain that to me. Bohannon: Can't remember a time I wasn't outgunned, outmanned, or outsupplied fighting you Yankees, ( steps forward ) but I damn sure whooped your asses more often than not. Durant: ( raises eyebrows ) Is that so? Bohannon: Yes, sir. My men rode to Hell and back for me, Mr. Durant. That's why you need me out here. Durant: What do you know about railroads? Bohannon: Well, I had to know how they was built so I could know could figure out best how to blow them up. You remember the Baltimore and Ohio Bridge over the Monocacy River? Durant: I built that bridge before the war. Bohannon: ( chuckles ) Well, I blew the whole thing up using half a keg of blackpowder. ( Durant is clearly irritated and Bohannon tries a different tack. ) Bohannon: But I'm done destroying things, Mr. Durant. I want to help you build this railroad Durant: Why should I trust my railroad to a Grayback? ( Bohannon is more than a little irritated and frowns. ) Bohannon: You didn't have too much trouble trusting Graybacks when you was smuggling cotton out of Mississippi during the war, now did you? ( Durant is incensed someone knows his secret. ) Durant: You walk a fine line, son. Bohannon: Forty miles, Mr. Durant. Ain't no secret you got to lay forty miles of usable track before your government money kicks in. Now, you and I both know that you ain't going to get there going at this rate. You don't get that $16,000 a mile, ( gestures to ceiling of car ) this whole thing goes belly up. ( beat ) You're fighting a war, Mr. Durant. No doubt about it. You need me to help you win it. ( Bohannon and Durant regard each other for a moment. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT. Outside Durant's car ] ( The Swede and his men are still searching for Bohannon. Bohannon steps out of Durant's car, Durant close behind. The Swede sees Bohannon and does a double take. He runs toward Bohannon. ) Swede: Son of a bitch. ( He cocks back the hammers on Beauty. Bohannon stops. ) Durant: What the hell are you doing man? Swede: ( almost gleeful ) That's the son of the bitch who killed Johnson. We gonna hang him. ( A few of the Freedmen stand on the other side of the tracks watching. Elam is among them. ) Durant: Nonsense. ( gestures to Bohannon ) This man is my new foreman. ( The Swede looks up Durant, very confused. ) Durant: Find me someone else to hang. ( Durant returns to his car. Bohannon stares down the Swede and walks towards him. The Swede keeps his gun up and pointed at Bohannon. Bohannon walks away. He passes Elam and taps the brim of his hat in salute. Elam nods to him, smiling. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Hell on Wheels - That evening ] ( Bohannon walks towards the railroad office tent. Durant's man stands outside the tent. He looks Bohannon up and down. ) Durant's man: You're the new foreman? Bohannon: Yeah. ( The Swede stands nearby, though Bohannon does not notice him. ) Bohannon: ( nods towards tent ) Is Johnson's things still in there? Durant's man: Yeah. You want me to clear it out? Bohannon: Leave it. ( Bohannon walks into the tent. Durant's man tips his hat to Bohannon and walks away. ) Durant's man: Yes, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Railroad office tent ] ( Bohannon takes off his hat as he ducks into the tent. He removes his coat, throwing it on the bed. Bohannon removes his Griswold from the holster on his belt. He sits in a chair and spins the cylinder of the gun, checking the chambers. He holsters the weapon and sighs. He looks around his new surroundings and spies a piece of fabric hanging out of his coat pocket. He pulls it out. It is the cross-stitch his wife had been working on in the flashback, though it has faded some. He runs his fingers over the stitches before bringing it to his nose and sniffing it. He closes his eyes. )
doc_209	[In the opening scene, we see Drew Boyd, freaking out during the photo shoot for the Brown Athletics underwear ad.] Drew: (talking into his cell) I don't give a sh1t. I need to talk to him now! (Pacing around) Stuart. I can't do this. Brian: What the fck is going on here? Photographer: Your subject is being most uncooperative. Ted: He said he made a big mistake. He's talking to his agent. Brian: Well, did you remind him that he has a contract? Ted: Yeah, I did remind him. Drew: No, I'm not gonna grin and bear it! You're gonna get me out of this! Brian: Anything I can do to help? Drew: Yeah. You can get me my pants. Brian: Before I do that, why don't we discuss your concerns? Drew: There's nothing to discuss. I'm not doing it! Brian: It's a little bit late for that, isn't it? Drew: I'm Drew Boyd. I call the shots. Brian: Except when I have the ball. Drew: I'm feeling kind of exposed, you know? I'm not used to standing around in my shorts. Brian: What about in the locker room? You stand around in a lot less. Drew: In the locker room everyone's showing their ass. [Brian smiles. Cut to Drew posing in his underwear, the photographer snapping away. Panning around the room, we see that everybody's in their underwear. Most everybody's in black, but Brian's wearing those long gray jockey shorts. And Ted has boxers.] Ted: Christ, he's hot. What a pity he's straight. Brian: Well, even if he weren't, do you think he'd fck you wearing those? (He casts a derisive glance at Ted's boxers). Ted: I wasn't expecting to be standing around in my shorts. Brian: I don't know if he's gonna sell any underwear, but he sure as hell is gonna sell a lot of Kleenex. [Cut to post-coital Emmett and Drew in a motel room.] Drew: Once I got used to everybody staring at me in my shorts, it got to be a real turn-on. Emmett: But only I know what's under them. Guess we'd better get up! Drew: What's your hurry? Emmett: Well, soon as we're through you always bound out of bed and race to the showers, so I just assumed - Drew: I wanna just lie here. Emmett: You sure? Drew: You see me moving? Emmett: (settles back down, with his head on Drew's rock hard abs) Mmm...what's the world coming to? First a kiss, then stickin' around... next thing you know, you'll be asking me to the big game. Yeah, I said too much, didn't I? Drew: You know the rules. Emmett: I know. What goes on in this room is between you, me and the four walls and must never leave here under penalty of death. Drew: You got it, sport. [He smacks Emmett's butt and gets up to take a shower.] [Michael frantically tries to reach Hunter on his cell phone, while Ben grades papers.] Michael: Straight to voice mail. What's the point of getting him a cell phone if he's not gonna pick up? [Just then, the prodigal foster son returns.] Michael: That's me going off in your pocket! How about answering it for a change? Hunter: What's up your ass? Michael: It's past 11:00. Ben: You missed your curfew again. Where you been? Hunter: Studying with a friend. Michael: Every night this week? Hunter: We're working on a project. Ben: Who is this friend? Hunter: Someone from school. Ben: And the project? Hunter: It's for science. Michael: Penicillin's already been discovered. What have you found? Hunter: What's with all the fcking questions? Michael: We would like an honest answer. Hunter: I told you the truth. If you don't wanna believe me, that's your problem. [He slams into his room.] Michael: I hate to say it - Ben: You don't have to. I know what you're thinking. Michael: If he's out hustling again, I'll fcking rip his balls off, as my dear mother would say. Ben: Let's hope we've instilled more self-respect in him than that. Michael: After the way he's been acting? Ben: Whatever it is, we'll find out eventually. Michael: Then what? Ben: We'll just have to deal with it. [Lindsay is a jittery mess. Her hands are shaking so badly that she can't even get the key in the lock to open up the gallery. Sam strolls up, smoking a cigar.] Sam: Need any help? Lindsay: No. Thanks. I can do it. I do it every morning. (She drops the keys). sh1t! [Sam picks up the keys, bending down painfully.] Sam: My back's been killing me ever since I did that goddamn mural. Hope Michaelangelo had a good chiropractor. Why haven't you returned my calls? Lindsay: I've been busy. The show's been a huge success. Isn't it great? Almost everything sold. Sam: Another month of alimony payments! My wives will be eternally grateful. I want to see you. Lindsay: I can't. Sam: Why not? Lindsay: Why not? Try, 'I'm married.' I have a child and another one on the way. Oh, and did I happen to mention lest we forget that I'm a lesbian? Sam: Did I mention that you sure don't fck like one? [Lindsay closes her eyes briefly, draws a deep breath.] Lindsay: Jesus Christ, Sam. Why do you have to be so crude? Sam: You didn't mind the other night, rolling around on the floor, rutting like a - Lindsay: What happened the other night was a mistake. A huge mistake. Sam: Was it? Lindsay: Yes, it was. Look, Sam. You inspire me. You challenge me. You make me laugh. I admire you so much. I guess I got confused, you know? And I crossed a line I shouldn't have. Sam: When I was a kid, I didn't respect the lines. In my coloring books, I always crossed the lines. I didn't play the rules at all. I don't think that's always such a bad thing. Lindsay: For an artist, no. But for a person, sometimes it makes sense to read the manual and follow instructions, dull as that may sound to you. Sam: What about the part of you that secretly yearns for something else, the part of you that both of us know is there? Lindsay: My house has many rooms; I occupy but a few. The rest go unvisited. Sam: Who said that? Lindsay: I did. [She enters the gallery.] [Apparently, Vic left some furniture to a local AIDS hospice in his will. Vic's furniture is delivered by the rather unlikely team of Michael, Justin, Ted and Melanie.] Guy: Nice chest. Michael: I think he's talking to the furniture. Guy: [looking at Justin] That too. Michael: Uncle Vic brought this to the hospice as well. Director: He was always a good friend and a great supporter. [Mel and Ted enters the hospice.] Direcotr: [to Mel] Oh, I can't tell you how much we're appreciate this. We need all the help we can get. Mel: Hopefully this new event coordinator will come through. Director: He'd better. Ted: They say he raised over $1 million for a hospice in Cincinnati. Director: A million? My God. If we raise half that, we'll be in heaven. [At the diner, Deb calls out to a guy sitting at the counter reading the sports section.] Debbie: Hey, Freddy! How about those Ironmen? Are they somethin' else? "Freddy": (in a gruff voice) Yeah, they're something else, alright. Debbie: You oughta take something for that cold. [She peeks behind the paper. It's not Freddy; it's Emmett!] Debbie: Emmett! What are you doin' with the sports page?! Let me get you the style section, honey! Emmett: No, no, Deb! These days, the sports page will do me just fine. [A cop sits down at the counter.] Cop: Hey, Deb. Debbie: Hey, Bob. I haven't you seen an age. Where have you been? Cop: Well, I had some trouble, but I'm on my feed again. So you see Carl? Debbie: No, not lately. Cop: You're there tonight? Debbie: Where? Cop: Policeman's ball. He took you last year. Debbie: Yeah. Cop: I remember. You're looking real nice. Debbie: Thanks. I guess he must be taking someone else. Emmett: Excuse me, officer? Anyone can go to the Policemen's Ball, am I correct? Cop: Anyone who buys a ticket. I'll take the Pink Plate Special. Only make mine blue. [He wanders off.] Debbie: Don't tell me you're thinkin' of goin'. Emmett: If I can find a date. Debbie: Good luck. Emmett: Hey - what about you? Debbie: Me? What are you, out of your fcking mind? Emmett: Why not? Debbie: You just heard, Carl's gonna be there! Probably with that lady he's been seeing. Emmett: So? That's no reason not to go! In fact, all the more reason to be there! Show him what he's missing! Debbie: Not much. Emmett: Now, now! Let's keep our self-esteem - and our tits - up. Debbie: Even if I wanted to go, "with my tits up," I've got nothing to drape 'em in. Emmett: Just leave that to your fairy god- no, I'm not even gonna say it. Too trite. However [waves straw like magic wand], you will look fabulous. I guarantee it. [Wracked by guilt, Lindsay confides in the one person least likely to judge her. Who needs a minister or therapist when you've got Brian?] Lindsay: What have I done? Now he wants to see me again and of course I told him no, it's out of the question. I can never, never do that again. Brian: Is he hung? Lindsay: Brian! Brian: I'm just curious. You're the last person I ever thought I'd discuss dick with. Lindsay: This isn't about dick! Brian: Since when? Lindsay: I love Melanie. Brian: Sure you do. [He puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder.] Lindsay: How could I have - Brian: fcked a guy? Lindsay: It's not possible! Brian: It's possible. Explaining it is the tricky part. Lindsay: But I've always been - Brian: A carpet muncher. Lindsay: Except for that one time in college when you and I - [Brian looks away, pained; he'd rather not be reminded.] Lindsay: But that was just - Brian: Midsummer madness. [They both laugh.] Brian: Still, there is a part of you that, once every decade or so, doesn't object to a stiff prick. Believe me, I understand. Lindsay: I'm not so sure Melanie would. Brian: Then don't tell her. Lindsay: You're a big help. Brian: Hey. It's okay to like cock! And it's okay to like pussy, just not at the same time. So - which one do you like? [He shows her the pics of Drew.] [Hunter pays a visit to Mikey at the comic store.] Michael: Well, look who it is! Come to shoot the breeze? A little heart-to-heart? Spend some quality time with your dashing new dad? Hunter: I need $20. Michael: What do you want it for? Hunter: My upwardly mobile lifestyle. Being a teenager is expensive. Michael: You should have thought of that before you became one. Hunter: So can I have it? Michael: Why should I reward you for missing your curfew and being disrespectful to us? Hunter: How the fck am I being disrespectful? Michael: By not telling us the truth. Hunter: I told you! [Michael shows him the money.] Michael: I'm not above paying for information. But first you've gotta come clean. Hunter: I took a shower this morning. Michael: Are you hustling? Hunter: If I was hustling, would I be asking you for 20 bucks? Michael: Good point. (He starts to give Hunter the money, then takes it back). But then again, maybe you're just trying to throw me off the track. Hunter: For Christ sakes. I'm kind of dating someone, okay? Michael: Really. Hunter: Yeah, really. Is that so hard to imagine? Michael: No, not at all! It's great - but why didn't you say so? Hunter: You know how kids are at my age. We're trying to develop a sense of self, which often manifests itself in a reluctance to communicate with parents and other authority figures. Michael: Here's $30. Go to the movies. Hunter: Sweet! [He grabs the money and leaves. The minute he's gone, Michael phones Ben.] Michael: Ben? I hope you're sitting down. Guess what? Our boy has a boyfriend. [Deb and Emmett at the Policemen's Ball. Deb is, um, resplendent in a red gown.] Debbie: Are you sure I don't look like a fire hydrant? I wouldn't want any dogs to make a mistake! Emmett: You do not look like a fire hydrant. You're positively glowing. Debbie: Never mind glowing. Long as I'm not radioactive. (She catches site of Horvath, with a dowdy brunette dangling from his arm). sh1t! There's Carl! What do I do? Emmett: What do you mean, what do you do? Just stand there and glow! [He fake laughs and pulls Deb over to engage her in fake animated conversation. Carl and the Other Woman approach.] Debbie: (with hearty fake surprise) Oh, hi, Carl! Carl: Debbie. Emmett. What are you doing here? Debbie: Well, it's a ball to raise money for the cops, isn't it? I've always had a soft spot for men in uniform. Emmett: And I've always had a hard spot! [That earns him a sharp jab in the ribs from Debbie.] Carl: Debbie, Emmett, this is Katherine, the person I told you about. Katherine: Nice to meet you both. You're certainly just as colorful as Carl said you were. Debbie: Thanks. Katherine: If you excuse me for a moment? [There's an awkward pause.] Emmett: Can I bring you a drink? Debbie: Yes. [Emmett leaves.] Carl: I - uh - I wasn't expecting to see you. Debbie: I hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable. Carl: No, no! I like - I mean, it's nice - I don't know what the hell I'm tryin' to say. Debbie: You look very handsome. Carl: You look very - Debbie: Red. [They both laugh, which breaks the ice a little.] Carl: I'm glad to see you're gettin' out, enjoying yourself. Debbie: Well, life goes on. Got no choice but to go on with it. [she listening a song] That song. They played it last year. Carl: Yeah, they play it every year. They oughta get some new material. Debbie: We danced to it. Carl: I know. Debbie: You're very good on your feet. We could take a quick spin around the floor. As friends, of course! [Just then Katherine returns. She takes Carl's arm with a proprietary air.] Katherine: (to Horvath) Shall we go now? Carl: Sure. Katherine: Nice to meet you, Deb. [Carl and Katherine walk away, arms around each other, leaving Deb standing there alone. Just Emmett comes back, carrying too many drinks. Deb looks forlorn.] [It's Bike Night at Babylon. You heard right. Not Dyke Night, bike night. It's a fundraiser for the Liberty Ride. Ted and Justin are walking around with clipboards, soliciting donations.] Ted: Sign up here for the Liberty Ride! If you can't ride, we gladly accept donations. How we doing? Justin: 37 riders so far. And one guy offered me $1,000 if I'd show him my cock. Ted: I hope you said yes! [Justin has the check to prove it. Ben and Melanie are emceeing the event.] Ben: Can we have your attention please, everyone? Mel: Thank you so much for coming out tonight in support of Liberty Ride! [Cheers from the crowd.] Ben: The profits will be going to help keep the Liberty House hospice open, so let's try and raise as much money as we possibly can! [More cheers from the crowd. But not from Brian, who's standing there drinking a bottle of beer, a cynical expression on his face.] Mel: In order to do that, the Center has enlisted one of the top fundraisers in North America. A man who gave up a lucrative law practice in Toronto to make millions for various organizations with his walkathons, danceathons, marathons, triathlons - you name it, he's found a way to make money out of it. Ben: We're fortunate to have his help and support, so let us introduce you to - Jeffrey Pendergrass! [More cheers.] Jeffrey: Thank you all very much. It's great to be here in Pittsburgh! I'm grateful to the Gay and Lesbian Center and all of its supporters for asking me to help make this the best and most profitable event ever. So I hope you all sign up, get on your bike and cross the finish line, but tonight, let's all have a good time! [More applause from the crowd, a kiss from Mel and a handshake from Ben. Everybody loves Jeffrey Pendergrass - everybody except Brian, that is. Brian is leaning against the bar when Pendergrass comes up for a refill.] Brian: Buy you a drink? Jeffrey: It's an open bar. Party's on me. Brian: Nothing is free. Jeffrey: (offering his hand) Jeffrey Pendergrass. Brian: Brian Kinney. [They shake.] Brian: Just an observation, Jeffrey, but wouldn't the money that you're spending here tonight saying "hello, Pittsburgh hello!" be better spent keeping the hospice open? Jeffrey: Actually, Brian, I find when the drinks flow freely, so do the donations. Mel: This guy bothering you, Jeffrey? Jeffrey: No, not at all. Just revealing some of my underhanded business practices. Well, I better go work the room. Hope we can count on your pledge, Brian. [He shakes Brian's hand again.] Mel: What the hell was that all about? Brian: You know me, Mel, always stirring up the sh1t. [Hunter and somebody making out in an SUV. It's a girl! We later learn that her name is Callie.] Callie: You want me to suck you? Hunter: Uh... no. That's okay. Callie: Has everybody ever sucked you before? Hunter: Yeah. Callie: A lot of girls? Hunter: No. Callie: I've only done it twice. Once at summer camp and once with my lunch boyfriend. You don't think that makes me a slut, do you? Hunter: Hardly! Callie: Besides, it's not real sx. Ever had real sx yet? Hunter: Not really. But I think about it. Callie: Me too. But I promised to discuss it with my parents first. We're like best friends. How about yours? Hunter: I don't think I'll tell them. Callie: How come? Hunter: They're not like your folks. Callie: In what way? Hunter: They're two guys. Callie: You mean they're gay? That's so cool! Hunter: I don't know how cool they'd be if I told them about you and me. Callie: Well, they don't expect you to be gay just because they are? Hunter: I don't know! Callie: Well, I'll be glad to tell them you're straight if it ever comes up. [They go back to making out.] [Lindsay is sitting in bed in her jammies, drinking tea and trying to read a book. Melanie returns from the Babylon fundraiser.] Mel: Hey. Lindsay: How did go? Mel: Oh great. Jeffrey Pendergrass will help us raise sh1t out of money. Lindsay: That's good. Mel: Sad that you weren't there. Lindsay: Me too, but I had a steam headache. Mel: Any better? Lindsay: A little. Mel: I blame Sam for it. Lindsay: What? Mel: Well, the show, living to his expectations as well as yours. But you did it. [Mel tries a massage on her shoulders.] Lindsay: That feels nice. [Mel goes up to her breast.] Lindsay: Mel. Mind if we do it later? Mel: Sorry. I'm just the ordernary pregnant demon. I look it on Gus. You want me to get you hot tea? This one is cold. [She stands up and leaves. Back sits a concerned Lindsay.] [Deb and Emmett in the diner.] Debbie: I kept my tits up, just like you said. I practically threw 'em at him! It didn't do much good. Emmett: Don't despair! You'll just have to think up another way to get his attention, that's all. Debbie: Well, we better think fast, because that woman's got 'marriage' in her eyes! [Ted comes in waving a ticket.] Ted: I've got an extra ticket for the Ironmen's game on Sunday! Who wants to go? [Dead silence in the diner.] Ted: I've got an extra ticket for "42nd Street." Who wants to go? [There's a chorus of "Me! Me! Me!"] Ted: Just testing. How about you, Em? Skybox! A thank you gift from the star quarterback himself! Emmett: I don't think so. Ted: C'mon, you're the one who turned me onto him in the first place. Ever seen him play? Emmett: Not on the field. Ted: He's fast and he's strong. Emmett: Much as I'd like to go, I promised I wouldn't. Ted: Promised who? Emmett: But then again, how many seats does that stadium hold? Ted: I don't know, 80,000? Emmett: 80,000? Wow. Hardly pick out a face in that crowd, huh? [He takes the ticket.] Debbie: Say, Teddy, I was just wondering. Do you think you could score an extra pair of those tickets for me? Ted: I could try! Debbie: I have a friend who might like to go. [Jeffrey Pendergrass pays an unannounced visit to Brian at Kinnetik.] Brian: What? Cynthia: [via phone] "Mr.Pendergrass wants to see you. He says he doesn't have an appointment." Brian: He wants to hit on me. Cynthia: [via phone] "Who doesn't?" Brian: Except you wants money. Send him in. Cynthia: [via phone] "OK." Jeffrey: They tell me you're the guy to get into bed with. Brian: Well, you'll have to come back after office hours for that. Jeffrey: I know you're a busy man, so let me cut to the chase. Brian: Christ, I hate that expression. Jeffrey: I understand you're one of the most successful gay businessmen in Pittsburgh. Brian: Whoever told you that was dead wrong. I'm THE most successful gay businessman. Jeffrey: All the more reason then. I'd like your clients to be corporate sponsors for the Liberty Ride. Brian: I see. Let ME cut to the chase. What's in it for them? More important, what's in it for me? Jeffrey: Two very good questions. [He pulls up a chair and makes himself at home.] Jeffrey: First, your clients' contributions will generate publicity and good will that advertising can't buy, plus they'll be cultivating product loyalty in a market that has hundreds of billions of disposable income. Brian: I already know that. My second question: What's in the Cracker Jack box for me? Jeffrey: A very personal thank you from me and a warm, gooey feeling inside. Brian: (laughs) Oh, Jeffrey, you disappoint me! I thought you'd come up with something more original than that. So - do we have time for one last question? What's in it for you? Jeffrey: A living. Brian: Finally, an honest answer. How refreshing. Jeffrey: Anything wrong with that? Brian: Not at all. I'm all in favor of people making money. What I'm not in favor of is telling others how to spend it. Jeffrey: It's for a worthy cause. Besides, they can afford it. Brian: Very true. But that's not a reason why they should give it to you. Jeffrey: Well, how about this, then? It wouldn't be very good for your clients' PR if they were perceived to be homophobic. And it wouldn't help your reputation much if word got out that you were insensitive to the neediest members of your community. Brian: Why, Jeffrey, are you turning the screws on me? Jeffrey: Of course not. I'm merely pointing out why it's so important that we all open our hearts and checkbooks and give as generously as we can. [SCENE_BREAK] [So as we cut to the skybox at the Ironmen game. We see that Drew (No. 7) scores a touchdown that ties the game. Deb and Horvath get so swept away in the moment that they let their guard down and kiss. They pull apart, a little embarrassed.] Debbie: Some play, huh? Carl: I'll say! I can't believe you got these tickets for the Skybox. Debbie: I'm glad you're having a good time. Carl: To tell you the truth, I'm not. Debbie: (alarmed) You're not? Carl: I'm havin' a GREAT time! Debbie: I hope Katherine doesn't mind. Carl: That I went to the game with a friend? Emmett: Can you believe this is the first time in my life I ever went to a football game? Ted: Easily. Emmett: I had no idea it was so exciting! I feel like we're back in ancient Rome, y'know, sitting in the Coliseum, watching the gladiators, wearing those fabulous off- the-shoulder togas - Ted: Somehow I picture us more as lion chow, but I'm glad you're enjoying it. You haven't taken your eyes off of Drew Boyd since we sat down. Emmett: That's just because he's such a dynamic, powerful player. Ted: Admit it, you're in love with him. Emmett: (indignantly, like a 12 year old girl whose best friend accuses her of having a crush) I'm not! Ted: After seeing him in his underwear, I have to confess: so am I. [Emmett see's that Sierra comes in the Skybox. He tries to escape unrecognized.] Emmett: Oh my god. Ted: What? What's the matter? Emmett: Nothing. C'mon, let's go. Ted: No, there is 30 seconds on the clock with tied score. Sierra: Emmett! Hey you! Emmett: Oh hi, Sierra! Sierra: What are you doin' here? I didn't think that Football isn't your thing. Emmett: I'm here with my friend Ted. He is the one who did pictures for the underware ads. Sierra: Oh, so you're the one who's responsibly for the women Drew wants. Ted: Not to mention about the certain percent of the males population. Sierra: [to Ted] I'm Sierra, Drew's fiancee. Ted: Oh congratulations. He's quite a guy. Sierra: Guess it seems I landed on the big one. Emmett: You certainly did. But it's nice to see you again. Sierra: Where you goin'? Drew were so disappointed if you didn't stop by the locker room to say hello. Emmett: I'd love to, but we are here with friends. Sierra: They can go with us. Carl: I can go see the team?! [On the field Drew scores another TD. The Ironmen wins with 1 TD.] Sierra: OK, everyone follow me. [Cut to Michael and Ben.] Ben: Why wouldn't he just come out and say that he has a boyfriend? Michael: You know how kids his age are. He's trying to develop a sense of self, which often includes not communicating with parents. Ben: We're not other parents. We're hip. We're coool! [He puts on a beanie, crosses his arms, does the punk rock symbol and sticks out his tongue. Very cute. Just at that moment, Hunter comes home.] Hunter: You think so. Ben: Hey, pal! Michael: I ordered our favorite, Mighty Man Meat! Sausage, pepperoni, meatball, ham and bacon! Ben: Ouch! Michael: Not to worry. Mushroom and tofu for you. Ben: So, dude, what's new? Hunter: Nothin', dude. Ben: That's not what I hear. I hear you got a friend. Michael and I want you to know that we think it's great. I wish I had a boyfriend when I was your age. Michael: All those missed blowjobs! [Hunter looks very uncomfortable and we know why.] Ben: So what is he like? Is he smart? Bookish? Muscular? Athletic? Hunter: All of the above. Ben: Have you two had sx yet? Hunter: No! Ben: It's OK - we're all gay men here. Because if you do, it's important to protect him as well as yourself, especially considering your HIV status, you have a responsibility - Hunter: Don't worry! I'll be careful. Michael: So? When do we get to meet him? Hunter: I dunno. Michael: We're very open-minded. It doesn't matter if he has tattoos, body-piercings - he doesn't, does he? Hunter: Look - I don't have a boyfriend, OK? Michael: What do you mean? You told me - Hunter: I told you I had a friend. I didn't say it was a boy. Ben: Well, if it's not a boy, it's a - [Some things are too awful to contemplate. He can't actually get the word out.] [Post-game. The cameras are flashing. Drew comes from the lockerroom.] Sierra: Hey, hon. [they kiss] Drew, this is Carl and Debbie. And you remember Ted. Carl: It's a real thrill, Mr.Boyd. Drew: Call me Drew. Carl: Drew. Ted: You were amazing, Drew. Drew: Thank you. Debbie: I say'll and cute to. So, when's the wedding? Sierra and Drew: June. [Emmett stands a little besides them and doesn't look happy.] Sierra: Sweetheart, look who's here. Emmett Honeycutt, remember? He planed our engagement. Drew: Yeah, sure. If you'll excuse me. I'll take my honey home and chill out. [Brian pays Jeff a visit in his posh hotel suite. Jeffrey is wearing a fancy monogrammed bathrobe.] Jeffrey: Champaign? Brian: No, thanks. It makes me puke. I'm serious. I can knock back a dozen tequilas, no problemo. But one glass of that stuff and it's "Ou est la toilette?" Jeffrey: That's too bad. Champagne is really very - Brian: Expensive. What is it, $220 a pop? Jeffrey: Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and, um - Brian: Please. Be my guest. [While Jeffrey is in the other room getting dressed, Brian catches sight of a slew of gift bags lined up on the table.] Brian: Something tells me I'm in the wrong business! Jeffrey: (from the other room) Why's that? Brian: The suite, the champagne. Seems like charity work's where the big bucks are these days. Jeffrey: Like I said, it's a living. Brian: Yeah, a very good living. [Jeffrey comes back into the room, dressed in gray shirt and slacks.] Jeffrey: So. I assume you've given our conversation some thought. Brian: Yeah, I've thought about it. But before I get into bed with someone, I like to do a little research. You just can't be too careful these days. Jeffrey: Isn't that the truth. So what'd you find out? Brian: That you're a hell of a fundraiser. Jeffrey: (laughs) I'm sorry you wasted the legwork there. I could've told you that. Brian: (picking up a cracker with caviar) Do you mind? Jeffrey: Be my guest Brian: It seems that the organizations don't see much in the end, what with fancy hotels, champagne, caviar, lavish kickoff parties which by the way, the charities pay for, not you. Jeffrey: For how hard I work and for that amount I bring in, I deserve a nice lifestyle. Besides, everyone profits. Tax writeoffs, good will, publicity. What's the problem, as long as everything's on the up and up? Brian: What about Denver? Jeffrey: What about Denver? Brian: Well, didn't some local AIDS organization sue you for swindling them out of money that you spent on yourself? Jeffrey: Those were totally legitimate business expenses. Office, travel - Brian: (Proffering the cracker) More caviar? Jeffrey: No thanks, I - what are you saying, Brian? Brian: Just that when some earnest do-gooder blows into town and starts threatening me unless I help them, I have a legitimate reason to ask a few questions. And get a few answers. Jeffrey: Those accusations were totally untrue and unsubstantiated. And what they didn't tell you is that they still made a quarter of a million even after my share. Brian: Imagine what they would've made before it. So we'll just make sure that every cent you raise here in provincial little Pittsburgh goes exactly where it's supposed to go. [Mel and Lindsay's house. Someone rings on the door.] Mel: Got it! [to Gus] Look who's here. It's Sam. C'mon in. Sam: Thanks. Is Lindsay home? Mel: Yeah. LINDS! SAM'S HERE! Congratulations to the show. I've heard it was a snap. Sam: Oh, they always are. But this one I think it was Lindsay. [Lindsay came from above] I'm up to Milan. Lindsay: That's be a step up from Pittsburgh. But I doubt you find a decent bagles either. Sam: I just want come and say goodbye. Lindsay: Why we don't walk to your car? I'll be right back. [In front of the door.] Sam: I couldn't leave without - Lindsay: Yes, you could and you should. Right now! Sam: Without even saying goodbye? Lindsay: I'm sure there must be dozens of women you fcked without saying goodbye. Sam: That wasn't just a fck. It meant more than that - Lindsay: Would you just stop? Please. Sam: I want you to come with me. Lindsay: What? Are you crazy? Sam: Damn proud of it, too. Look. I've had more ex-wives and mistresses than Sears has tire centers. Lindsay: I'm sure they'd be pleased to hear themselves compared to a steel-belted radial! Sam: If you'd met 'em, you'd realize I was complimenting them. But I've never felt like this. Look. Just sleep on it. I can send you a ticket. Lindsay: I have a family, Sam. Right there. On the other side of that door. Sam: That's not all you are. There's so much more to you than that. Why don't you let me show you? Lindsay: No! This IS who I am. And even if a part - a very tiny part of me - wanted something else, I'd still choose to stay here. Now I want you to go. [He kisses her on the cheek and leaves.] [Horvath brings Deb a quirky gift to thank her for taking him to the football game.] Carl: I brought you this Persion melon from Chile. Debbie: Well, that's very strange, Carl, but sweet. Carl: We were investigating a murder near the fruit and vegetable market so I - Debbie: Don't tell me those killer tomatoes are at it again! Carl: I just wanted to give you something, as a thank you for taking me to the game. Drebbie: My pleasure. Carl: And for meeting Drew Boyd. Wow, I still can't get over that. Debbie: Yeah, he's really something. Carl: So are you. For being such a good friend, I mean. Debbie: I'll always be your friend. Could I offer you a friendly slice of melon? Carl: No, thanks. I gotta be going. Debbie: Maybe we could do something else friendly sometime. Carl: Yeah, I'd like that. Debbie: Like bowling or fishing - Carl: Or this. [He kisses her.] Debbie: Was that a friendly kiss? Carl: Yeah, I guess you could say that. Debbie: In that case, it could be a little friendlier. [They kiss again, this time like they really mean it.] [Cut to the Motel, where Emmett is lying naked in bed, waiting for his man. He holds a condom in his hand. Cut later in the night, someone goes in front of the door, but it's not Drew. Cut later, Emmett lies alone in bed and drinks beer. But Drew never shows.] [Lying in bed, Michael and Ben have a conversation that many other parents of teenagers have had before them - with a slight variation on the theme.] Michael: Do you think maybe it's just a phase? Maybe he hasn't met the right boy. Ben: Substitute right girl and that's just what my parents said when I told them I was gay. Michael: What about all the men? He's had sx with more guys than you and I put together. Ben: His mother got him started on that and it was always for money, not love. Michael: So you think it's really true? Ben: Sounds like he's discovered who he really is. And he's not gonna change anymore than you and I could change who we are. Michael: But what are we gonna do? I mean, talking about girls - women - I wouldn't know the first thing. I've never even slept with one. Ben: I have, once or twice. Michael: Really? Ben: Mm-hm. Michael: How was it? Ben: 'Salright. Got a hard on and everything. Suppose I performed adequately at least no one complained, but I also remember thinking, why are guys so obsessed with this? What's the big deal? Michael: I guess that was the first clue. Ben: I also liked to wear my mom's dresses. [Michael looks at him.] Ben: Just kidding. Michael: So we're both pretty useless when it comes to guy stuff. Ben: Someone else will have to show him where the "g" spot is. I never could find it. Michael: He could ask Mel and Lindz. I'm sure they know where it is. Ben, do you think he'd be better off with straight parents? Ben: What? Michael: People who'll understand him? Ben: We understand him. He's still Hunter, gay or straight. It doesn't make a difference. Michael: It may not make a difference to us, but what about him? [At Woody's, naturally the football game is on. Emmett and Ted are there.] Ted: You see Drew? Christ, what a man. He can do anything. Run, throw, block. Emmett: Or gain like a piston. Or even fck me. And he did me ever, in all possible way. Ted: What are you drinkin'? Emmett: Nothing, unfortunately. You want to know, Drew and I have been an affair. Ted: [looks serious to Emmett and then he laughs] No! No, you don't. No, no, no, you said you can gave me back that time when I said I meet Greg Logano this time in Barbardos under water. You believe me, but... no. Emmett: I'm serious. [Ted looks at Emmett again. He isn't laughing and he stops.] Ted: C'mon, you expect me to believe... But th...tha...that's impossible! He's straight. Emmett: Tell my ass that! We're meeting three times a week in some motel. I swore to him I never tell. But now it's over. And the worst part of this is, I was falling in love with this son-of-a-bitch. [Brian and Justin donate Brian's Barcelona chair to the AIDS hospice.] Justin: [to Brian] Your Barcelona chair would great in the living room. Brian: Thanks for reminding me. Justin: I got Brian to donate this $2,000 Barcelona chair. Brian: Withholding sx has worked for centuries. Director: Thanks, but before we can redecorating we gonna need a rufo for our heads. You know the guy who's organizing the Liberty Ride? Justin: Jeffrey Pendergrass? Director: He was supposed to be at a meeting last night at the Center. When he didn't show up, they called his hotel. He'd checked out. Justin: Checked out? Director: It seems he resigned. Brian: What about the donations? Direktor: He sent a letter saying that they almost, but not quite, covered his expenses. Justin: Oh, sh1t! Director: The one thing we have, even when he didn't have funds were hope. And now, we don't even have that. [Brian's looking in the living room and sees the poor people in their last months.] [Mel runs into Lindz.] Lindsay: Where were you up to? Mel: Lamaze. Lindsay: Why didn't you say something? I'll be there in a minute. Mel: No, no need. Michael's meeting me there. Lindsay: Michael? Mel: He's a very good coach. Lindsay: I'm sure but what about me? Mel: I figured you had business in the gallery. Lindsay: Sam's gone. Mel: But not forgotten. I watched you two from the window. That was a very touching goodbye scene. Lindsay: He's my friend. My mentor. Mel: He's awakened things in you. Your desire to paint, to express yourself. Anything else? [Long silence. Lindsay's guilty face says it all.] Mel: You don't have to tell me. I know. You don't live with someone for nine years and not know. Lindsay: Mel - Mel: I don't wanna hear any of your bullshit explanations. Lindsay: I wasn't gonna offer any. What's important is it reconfirmed for me that this is who I am. That my life is with you and Gus and the baby. That I still choose you. Mel: Well, that's very convincing testimony. But I'm not so sure that I still choose you. [She leaves the room. A shocked Lindsay starres there. Fade to black.]
doc_210	Scene: The apartment Penny: Hey, can I ask you a question? Leonard: Sure. Penny: You've had this dart board since I've known you, but I've never seen you play. Leonard: Oh, uh, we played, once. I broke a window. Penny: What window? Leonard: That one over there. Sheldon: Leonard, where are the Skee-Ball tickets? Leonard: Skee-Ball tickets? Sheldon: Yeah, from when we went to the arcade three years ago? I finally decided what prize I want. Hurry up. Leonard: Uh, if I still have them, they're probably in the junk box. Penny: Ooh, what are you gonna get? Sheldon: None of your business. But when you see me wearing a flower in my lapel later, you are most welcome to sniff it. Leonard: Yup, oh, here you go. Sheldon: Oh, thank you. Here, get yourself an eraser for your troubles. Leonard: Oh. I forgot about this. My aunt made it for me when I started college. Penny: Aw, did she hate you? Leonard: Why? Because I got an ugly, itchy sweater, and my brother got a car? No, I was her favorite. Sheldon: I seem to be a few tickets short. Are there more in the box? Leonard: Hmm, I think I got them all. Nope, they're not in there. Sheldon: Well, you barely looked. Let me see. Leonard: No, no, no, I, I looked, and there's, there's, there's no more tickets. Sheldon: Leonard, let me look in the box. Leonard: Okay, okay. I'm gonna show you what's in the box. But just promise not to flip out. Sheldon: Why would I flip out? Is it a spider? It's a spider. Penny: No, if it was a spider, Lenny would've flipped out. Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, I know I was supposed to return this DVD a long time ago, and I know we rented it on your card. But it's been, like, seven years and clearly nothing bad has happened. So in-in-in-instead of being a giant pain in the ass like you always are, what if this one time you just tried staying calm? Sheldon: That seems like a reasonable request. Although so did, hey, Leonard, would you mind returning that DVD? Leonard: I'm sorry. I'll, I'll take care of it. Sheldon: Okay. Leonard: I mean it, I'm going to. Sheldon: I believe you. Leonard: And you're going to stay calm? Sheldon: I said I would. Leonard: How about that? Sheldon's being reasonable. Penny: Yeah, it's freaking me out. I'm gonna go. Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: So, when you say you're not going to freak out about the DVD, here's what that means. Don't fixate on it. Don't wake me up in the middle of the night. Or nag me through the door while I'm on the toilet. Sheldon: Okay, first, talking to you while you're on the toilet isn't exactly a picnic for me either, okay? Remember, when you can hear me, I can hear you. And second, you completely disregard how uncomfortable unresolved issues are for me. It's, it's like, a, an itch in my brain I can't scratch. Leonard: When I broke my arm I used to stick a coat hanger down there. You ever try that? Maybe go in through the ear? Sheldon: You wouldn't make jokes if you could feel the way I feel. Leonard: Well, I don't know how to do that. Sheldon: How about this? I promise I won't pester you about the DVD. You can defecate in peace. That's a win for both of us. But, until this matter is resolved, I would like you to wear this sweater. With nothing underneath it. Leonard: That's stupid. Why? Sheldon: You say it's itchy and uncomfortable. I say situations like this make me feel the same way. Leonard: I'm telling you, try the hanger. Sheldon: Put it on. Let's share the experience. Leonard: You got it. If this sweater shuts you up, I'm gonna make a fortune selling them to everyone we know. Now all I need to do is head down to the video store and return the DVD. Sheldon: Oh, did I forget to tell you? That store went out of business years ago. Leonard: Really? Sheldon: How those nipples feeling, chief? Scene: The cheesecake factory bar. Bernadette: Penny, can we please get our drinks? Penny: Yeah, hang on, just give me sec. Amy: At work today, I did an in vivo stereotaxic surgery. Bernadette: Cool. At my lab, I performed ten laser capture micro-dissections. Penny: I scraped gum off the bottom of that table. Only 'cause my manager saw me put it there. Amy: Oh, my gosh. That's the girl that broke Rajesh's heart. Bernadette: That's Lucy? Penny: I don't know why but I always pictured her as Indian. Bernadette: I think that reason's called racism. Penny: I'm gonna go talk to her. Bernadette: Why? What are you gonna say? Penny: I'm not gonna say anything. I just want to check her out. Because she hurt my friend. My Indian friend. Who's racist now? Bernadette: You because you just called him your Indian friend. Penny: Yeah, well, you're short. Amy: We're never getting our drinks. Bernadette: No, but we knew that. Penny: Hey, can I start you off with something to drink? Lucy: Oh, water would be great. Penny: Okay. Um, you're Lucy, right? I'm a friend of Raj Koothrappali's. Actually Amy recognized you. Lucy: Wow. How's he doing? Penny: Oh, you know, he's good. Lucy: Great. Penny: Yeah, this is none of my business. But why did you break up with him in an e-mail? Lucy: Oh, I don't know. I guess I thought it would be easier. Penny: Yeah, I get that. I'll go get you your water. When you say easier, you mean easier for you, right? 'Cause it certainly didn't make it easier for him. Lucy: Any chance I can get a different waitress? Penny: I'm sorry, this is rude of me. I will go get that water. See, see, see, see. Just now you expressed your feelings to my face. How come you could do that with me, but not Raj? Lucy: I don't know your e-mail. Penny: You know what the worst part is? You're sitting here, perfectly happy and he's at home, a blubbering mess. Lucy: Oh, I thought you said he was okay. Penny: Well, I also said I was getting you water, but look at me still standing here. You know, I may be a bad waitress, but you are a bad person. Now, you want to hear the specials? Scene: The apartment. Howard: So, you can never take it off? Leonard: No. Raj: Not even to sleep? Leonard: No. Howard: So, you're just an idiot? Leonard: It's called proving a point. Howard: Is the point that you're an idiot? Sheldon: Gentlemen, please. Leonard is trying to walk a mile in my metaphorical shoes. He can't walk in my actual shoes. He has the feet of a toddler. Raj: So, how are you gonna return the DVD if the store went out of business? Leonard: Monday morning I'll go downtown, look up the owner's information and send him the DVD. Pay the late fee, and prove to Sheldon that you can have a problem and solve it without acting like a complete lunatic. Ah! Howard: And the man impersonating a bear would like everyone to know that only you can prevent forest fires. Raj: I don't get it. Howard: You didn't have Smokey the Bear in India? Raj: No. Oh, is he anything like, uh, Mun-Mun the Mongoose? He taught us not to play with cobras. Howard: You had to be taught not to play with cobras? Raj: You had to be taught not to burn down the forest? Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: Hey, if you guys were hungry, why didn't you order something at the restaurant? Bernadette: We did, you never brought it. Penny: Oh, that's right. Nachos and a turkey club. Amy: Not even close. Penny: Well, I was too busy standing up for my friend to worry about your, I want to say salmon. Amy: You want to say sorry. Bernadette: So, how are you gonna tell Raj abut what you did? Penny: What do you mean how? What's the big deal? Amy: You told Lucy he was a pathetic mess. Bernadette: Then you made her cry and leave. Penny: Okay, you guys are overreacting. Raj is gonna appreciate how I had his back. Scene: The same, later. Raj: What is wrong with you, Penny? You ruined any chance I had of getting back with Lucy. Now she knows I'm a desperate mess instead of just being pretty sure. (Phone text sound) It's Lucy. She wants to meet for coffee. I love you, Penny. Scene: Sheldon's office. Howard: Hey, what're you working on? Sheldon: I'm thinking about how one could use the fact that a rapidly rotating mirror turns virtual photons into real ones as a method of observing dark energy. Howard: That's a pretty cool idea. Sheldon: Yeah. It's great you're here. I'd love to get an engineer's opinion. Howard: Sure. Sheldon: This chair is squeaky. Now, do I fix it or get a new one? Leonard: Well, Sheldon, it took me all morning, but I found the owner of the video store. And I am happy to report that he died peacefully in his sleep, drunk at the bottom of a pool. Anyway, there is no one to return the DVD to, so this issue is resolved. Ah! And I'd just like to point out that even though the sweater was uncomfortable, I didn't use it as an excuse to antagonize everyone around me. Howard: You know, you could reimburse the video store owner's next of kin. Leonard: Or it's resolved. Sheldon: Hey, that next of kin thing sounds pretty good. Howard: I believe this is yours. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Howard and Bernadette's apartment. Raj: Can I ask you guys a question? So, I'm seeing Lucy tomorrow night, and I've never hung out with someone who broke up with me. How do you do it? Howard: You can't let her know you're hurting. You know, the key is confidence. Raj: Why is the key always confidence? How come it's never love handles and flop sweat? Bernadette: If this girl hurt you so much, are you sure you want to see her again? Howard: Well, if I may, he has so little self-respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride. Raj: He's right. But in my defence, if we could survive that, we could survive anything. Bernadette: Well, if you're sure you want to do this, it's only coffee, just relax and see what happens. Raj: Well, can I say she looks nice? Bernadette: Sure. Raj: Can I tell her I miss her? Bernadette: Maybe, if she asks. Raj: Oh, can I show her an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our children and grandchildren? Bernadette: I'd save that for the second date. Raj: Good, good. 'Cause no matter how hard I try, I cannot get the twins to look alike. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: What are you doing? Leonard: Oh, I'm just trying to find the stupid next of kin to this stupid video store owner so I can return the DVD and see the look on Sheldon's stupid face when he sees that I didn't let this get to me. Penny: Sheldon's not here. Why don't you take the sweater off? Leonard: There's a principle at stake. Penny: Which is? Leonard: Oh, I don't know. Who cares? Look at me. Penny: Oh, my God! Is that sweater made of bees? Come on, take it off. I won't tell. Leonard: No, no, honey, if I take it off, Sheldon wins. Penny: Sweetie, every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins. Leonard: No, it's, it's almost done. I just, I have to find the next of kin, and send 'em the DVD and then just wait for someone with my complexion to die so I can get a skin graft. Penny: Smile. Leonard: What is that? What is that for? Penny: So you can send it to Princeton and get your money back. Scene: The apartment. Amy: I must say, Sheldon, you're handling this DVD business with an impressive amount of maturity. Sheldon: I don't know why that surprises you. I'm a grown man. As should be evident by this sport coat and very real flower in my lapel. Amy: Is there some kind of new coping mechanism you're employing? Sheldon: The more interesting question you should be asking is, what does this flower smell like? Amy: I'm gonna go with sad. So what's the story with you and this DVD? Sheldon: There's nothing to tell. Maybe I purchased a book entitled Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and I followed its wise suggestions, one of which was stop and smell the flowers. Amy: Seriously? Sheldon: Please. Ha-ha, Oh. Scene: A coffee shop. Lucy: Hi. Raj: Hello. Oh, it's so good to see you. Lucy: You, too. Raj: Please, sit. I, uh, I got you a cappuccino. I remembered it was your favourite. I also got crumb cake, but I remembered it was my favourite and I ate it. Anyway, uh, how are you? Lucy: I'm pretty good. Listen, I just wanted to apologize for breaking up with you in an e-mail. Raj: Well, and I ate all the crumb cake. We both made mistakes. Lucy: Okay. Raj: I'm so happy you asked me here, and I hope we can hang out again sometime. You know, as friends, lovemaking partners, whatever. Lucy: Oh, uh, I'm kind of seeing someone. Raj: I think I know the answer to this, but just to be clear, it's not me, right? Scene: Penny's apartment. Raj: This is all your fault, I should've listened to Mun-Mun because I've been playing with a cobra and her name is Penny. Why are you so cruel? Do you enjoy my pain? Penny: There's a girl at the Cheesecake Factory I can set you up with. Raj: I love you, Penny. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: How is it I can conceptualize a methodology of examining dark matter in the universe but can't figure out how to fix a novelty squirt flower? Amy: I think the real question is, why do you waste your time with cheap, childish pranks? Sheldon: There's probably a deep reason. Which I'd be happy to discuss with you over some peanut brittle in a can. Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, I am out of options. Video store owner, Nursis Manookian, has no next of kin. Sheldon: Well, you seem hot under the collar, or is that the sweater? Leonard: Oh, oh, no, no. It's because I spent all afternoon at the Armenian church where his funeral mass was held. According to Father Solakian, no one attended. Luckily, my trip wasn't a complete waste. I lit a candle and prayed for your death but I'm not Armenian, so it probably won't work. This is over, right? Sheldon: Oh, not necessarily. I suggest you look for long-lost relatives either in Armenia or Lebanon. Leonard: Listen to me, Sheldon. I am not going to Lebanon to return Super Mario Brothers the movie. Sheldon: You know, it might be fun. You love hummus. Leonard: Why isn't this bothering you? Isn't your brain getting itchy? This is on your card. This could be ruining your credit score. Why isn't this making you crazy? Sheldon: Leonard, I have something to tell you, but I want you to promise not to flip out. Leonard: What? Sheldon: Seven years ago, I found out the DVD was late and I paid for it. Leonard: What? Sheldon: I was going to mention it at the time, but then I thought, some day, this might be a teachable moment. Leonard: Aaaah! I, you, how can, what! Amy: Sheldon, that was diabolical. Sheldon: I know. And it wasn't easy. Do you have any idea what it's like to wait for years and never know if you're going to finally get satisfaction? Scene: A coffee shop. Raj: Wow. You're even prettier than Penny said. I can't believe a girl like you doesn't have a boyfriend. Girl: Well, I don't. Raj: I don't believe you, you're lying to me. Girl: What? Raj: Oh, it's okay. I have no morals and I'm desperately lonely. I'll be the other man if you want a little something-something on the side. Scene: The cheesecake factory. Girl (to Penny): What is wrong with you? Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny (to Raj): What is wrong with you? Scene: Raj's apartment. Raj (to a mirror): What is wrong with you?
doc_211	-[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Hook, wearing a cloak to disguise himself, walks up the stairs leading to a tower in the Evil Queen's castle. Along the way, he encounters a guard on the stairs.) Guard: Halt. Hook: Food for the prisoner. Guard: It's not mealtime. Who are you? Identify yourself, slave! (Hook easily defeats the guard in a fight.) Hook: Slave? I prefer Captain. (He takes the keys from the dead guard and continues his way upwards. At the top, he enters a room, where Belle is being held captive.) Hook: Hi... You must be Belle. Belle: The Queen sent you, didn't she? She wants you to kill me. Hook: I'm not here to kill you, love. I'm here to rescue you. (Hook begins to unlock her shackles.) Belle: Rescue me? Who are you? Hook: A friend. We haven't much time. Your father's life is in danger. He's being attacked by the very same monster who stole you away from your family in the first place. Belle: What, Rumpelstiltskin? Hook: The Dark One - he must be stopped. You spent more time with him than anyone. There are rumours of a magical weapon that has the power to kill him. Belle: No, no, no, no. Let... Let me talk to him. He's not a monster. Hook: Belle, your father's life hangs in the balance. I need to know what that weapon is, and where to find it. Belle: I don't know what you're talking about, and I have no idea how to... How to kill Rumpelstiltskin. Hook: You don't? Belle: No. And... And nor would I. Hook: Hm. Then, I'm afraid I'm not here to rescue you. (He backhands Belle, rendering her unconscious.) Hook: So pretty... Yet, so useless. (Hook raises his arm, preparing to kill her with his hook, but is stopped by the Evil Queen. She enters the room and magically removes his hook.) Evil Queen: No. Not useless. She's a valuable chess piece. Hook: Do I look like I'm playing a game of chess? My hook, if you please. Evil Queen: No. Hook: The asking was me being a gentleman. Evil Queen: Is that any way to address a queen? Even a pirate should have better manners than that. Yes... I know who you are... Captain. I know why you came here from Neverland. And I know all about the crocodile you wish to skin. Hook: Then you also know, that I'll stop at nothing. Evil Queen: So dedicated and resourceful. No one has been able to fight their way past my defenses before. She can't help you kill Rumpelstiltskin, Hook. But I can, if you do something for me. Care to join me for a drink? [SCENE_BREAK] (The Evil Queen pours out two drinks and hands one to Hook.) Evil Queen: Things are about to change in this world. Radically. I have plans to enact a curse that will take everyone to a far-off land. Hook: How will that help me? Evil Queen: This new realm? It's a land without magic. Where the Dark One will be stripped of his powers. There, you won't need any magical weapon to kill him. You can do it with a mere flick of your wrist. Hook: Tell me what I have to do. Evil Queen: There's one person I don't want following me to this new land. You're to see to it that doesn't happen. Hook: An assassination. Who is it you want me to dispose of? Evil Queen: My mother. -[Storybrooke]- (In Mr. Gold's shop, Regina checks on David, who is still under the sleeping curse.) Mr. Gold: Any change? Regina: No. He's not improving. He needs true love's kiss. He won't wake up until Mary Margaret comes back. Mr. Gold: Until? Well, that's rather optimistic, isn't it? Regina: What are you talking about? Mr. Gold: They're up against your mother. The only chance Snow and Emma have of defeating her, is with the squid ink. Regina: Which is why you sent the message through David. Mr. Gold: Which would be beneficial, if we knew that message were delivered. But alas, given the Prince's condition, we don't know. As such, it's important we take precautions. We have to consider the possibility that, when that portal opens, it won't be his family that come through. It'll be Cora. Regina: And neither one of us wants that. Mr. Gold: We have to find where they're coming through, and destroy that portal. Regina: But whoever came through would die. Mr. Gold: Exactly. But, I'm confident between the two of us, we can summon up enough magic to complete the task. Regina: Well, what if we're wrong? What if that portal opens up, and it's not my mother? What if Mary Margaret and Emma do defeat Cora, and go through it? Mr. Gold: Well, I believe in this world, they call that a win-win. Regina: How exactly is that? Mr. Gold: If we stop Cora, you are protected from your mother's wrath. If, on the other hand, we stop Snow and Emma, well... You become the only mother in your son's life, now don't you? Look, magic is unpredictable in this world. If something unfortunate were to happen while you were attempting to help... Henry could hardly blame you for that, could he? Regina: No. I can't lie to him. I am trying to be a better mother. Mr. Gold: You won't be able to be a better anything if Cora comes through. And if she does, she will be a threat to everyone - including your son. So, if you truly want to be a good mother to Henry - to protect him - if you want to be better, prove it. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Mary Margaret and company arrive at Rumpelstilskin's cell.) MMB: Rumpelstiltskin's cell. I haven't been here since before Regina's curse. This is where he told us you were going to be the saviour. Emma: He knew? MMB: It was prophesized. Come on. (Inside, they find the cell completely empty.) Aurora: The squid ink - it's not here. MMB: Gold said we would find it. (They begin to check the crevices of the walls.) Mulan: Well, was there anyone else in here with him? Could they have taken the ink? MMB: No, he was kept alone. Visitors were forbidden. He was too dangerous to allow any human contact. Emma: How'd he keep from going crazy? (Aurora finds a piece of paper tucked into the wall.) Aurora: He didn't. MMB: What is it? Emma: Is that a message? Aurora: Yes. And I think it's for you. (Aurora hands Emma the paper.) Emma: Why would you think... That. (On the paper, 'Emma' is written over and over again, and nothing else.) -[Storybrooke]- (Henry is reading the 'Snow White' story to David from his book. Regina enters.) Regina: I think this time, it'll happen the other way around. Henry: You think so? Regina: I do. Which is why I need you to stay here and watch David for a little while. Henry: Where are you going? Regina: Mr. Gold and I need to prepare for Emma and Mary Margaret's return. Coming through the portal won't be easy. We need to make sure everything's in place. Henry: Really? You're really going to help them? Regina: I promised you I was going to do better - to be better. So, yes, I'm going to do everything in my power to see to it they come home safely. Henry: Wow. You really have changed. Regina: Be back as soon as I can. [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina and Mr. Gold enter the mines. Everyone else has already left.) Mr. Gold: I'm really glad you, uh, came to your senses. Regina: Let's just get this over with. Mr. Gold: It's right through here. (They arrive to where the dwarves had found the diamonds.) Mr. Gold: Ah, yes. Should suit our purposes, no? Regina: How much do we need? Mr. Gold: All of it. Regina: How are we going to do that? Mr. Gold: With a little help from a fairy. (He takes out a wand.) Mr. Gold: Dead one. Believe me, no one mourns her. (He waves the wand and magically absorbs the power from the diamonds. The diamonds disappear, and the wand glows with magic.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (The Evil Queen waves her hand over Hook's hook, causing it to glow. She hands it back to him.) Evil Queen: It's now... Enchanted. It will enable you to rip out her heart. I believe you've seen it done before. Hook: Yes. Evil Queen: The enchantment will only allow you to rip out one heart, so make sure you do it right. Hook: What could she have possibly done to warrant such brutality? Evil Queen: That's my business. Yours is to kill her, and bring her body back to me. Hook: Easy enough. When will I set forth on this murderous journey? Evil Queen: Immediately. But you won't be going alone. (She walks over to the sitting area, where there is a blanket covering something large on the chair. She pulls it back, revealing a corpse.) Evil Queen: You remember Claude? Hook: Can't say that I do. Evil Queen: You killed him in the cell block. Hook: Ah, yes. I didn't recognize him without my hook in his neck. Forgive me, but isn't he a bit of dead weight? Evil Queen: I banished my mother to a far-off land some time ago. You're going to need a portal to get to her. (She pulls out the hat box containing Jefferson's hat.) Evil Queen: The rules are simple - one goes in, one comes back. Or, in this case, two in, two back. You'll arrive with Claude, and you'll return with my mother. Hook: Now tell me... Which far-off land do I have the pleasure of visiting today? Evil Queen: Wonderland. Hook: Happily named, I'm sure. How will I find her? Evil Queen: Oh, don't worry. She'll find you. (The Evil Queen spins the hat on the floor, creating a purple vortex.) -[Wonderland]- (In Wonderland, Hook has been captured and is escorted by several guards to the Queen of Hearts and various other citizens of Wonderland. Her face is obscured by a mask.) Knave of Hearts: Kneel, before the Queen of Hearts. Hook: Appreciate the warm welcome. (The Queen of Hearts uses the tube to speak through. The Knave of Hearts relays her message.) Knave of Hearts: The Queen wants to know why you've come to Wonderland. Hook: I'm in search of someone. In her native land, she goes by Cora. (The crowd begins to whisper as the use of the name 'Cora'. The Queen of Hearts removes her mask, and reveals herself to be Cora.) Cora: In this land, she goes by Your Majesty. Leave us. (Everyone exits, leaving Cora and Hook alone.) Cora: Your name, pirate? Hook: Hook. Cora: What a clever nickname. (Hook pulls a pearl necklace out of his pocket and approaches Cora.) Hook: I come bearing gifts, if you allow me. Cora: This hat - your portal... If I understand correctly, the same number who travels through, must also return. You arrived with him, but who shall you return with? Hook: You. (Hook throws the necklace over his shoulder, and plunges his hand inside her chest. However, nothing happens.) Hook: What? Cora: I'm the 'Queen' of Hearts. Do you really think I'd be so careless, as to keep my heart where everyone else does? This... (Cora sticks her hand into Hook's chest, causing him to grimace in pain.) Cora: Is how it's done. Tell me - who did this? Who sent you here to kill me? Who? Hook: Your daughter. Cora: Regina? She... Wants me dead? You're now going to tell me everything, and do exactly what I want. Because when you hold a heart, you control it. You have the power. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (The group is still scouring the cell in search of the ink. Emma is still looking at the paper.) Emma: What does this even mean? MMB: He was obsessed with you, Emma. You were the key to breaking the curse. Aurora: We've looked everywhere. There's no ink in this cell. MMB: Well, it has to be. He told David. Emma: You were in a Netherworld. Maybe something got lost in translation. Mulan: No. She heard right. MMB: You found it? (Mulan holds up an empty bottle.) Mulan: In a manner of speaking. There was ink in the cell. Emma: Son of a bitch... (Suddenly, Aurora grabs a rock and throws it against a lever just outside of the cell. The door to the cell falls down, trapping the four of them inside.) Emma: Aurora, what are you doing?! (Cora and Hook arrive.) Cora: Helping me. (Cora magically summons the compass to her.) Emma: No! Cora: No. Don't waste your energy, dear. Rumpelstiltskin himself couldn't escape from this cell. Thank you, Aurora. We couldn't have done it without you. Emma: Why would you do this? MMB: How could you? Cora: Don't blame her. She was only doing what she was told. (Cora pulls out Aurora's heart.) Emma: You took her heart? Hook: Actually, I did. It was a gift. (Cora squeezes the heart, causing Aurora to yell out in pain.) Cora: Forgive us. We'd love to stay, but Storybrooke awaits. (The two of them turn to leave, but Emma calls out to Hook.) Emma: Hook. Wait. Please don't do this. My son is in Storybrooke. He needs me. Hook: Perhaps you should've considered that, before you abandoned me on that beanstalk. Emma: You would've done the same. Hook: Actually, no. Hook: Do you know what this is, Emma? (He takes out the mummified bean that the giant had on his necklace.) Emma: The bean that the giant kept. Hook: Yes, indeed. A pirate always keeps a souvenir of his conquest, but this... Well, this is much more than a mere trinket. This is a symbol. Something that was once magical, full of hope, possibility... Now look at it. Dried up, dead, useless. Much like you. The time for making deals is done, just as I'm done... With you. -[Storybrooke]- (Ruby frantically runs into the mine, where she finds Leroy staring vacantly up at the ceiling where the diamonds once were.) Ruby: Leroy! What is it? What's the emergency? Leroy. Leroy: They're gone. They're all gone. [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry is still reading by David's bedside. Ruby, Leroy, and the rest of the dwarves enter.) Ruby: Where are they? Regina and Gold. Henry: What's going on? Ruby: All the magic has been drained from the mines. Henry: They stole it? Leroy: They snuck in after our shift and took everything. Nobody steals from a dwarf! Doc: Except the Queen. Happy: ...And Rumpelstiltskin. Henry: If they're not helping Emma and Mary Margaret that... That means my mom lied to me. Ruby: I'm sorry, Henry. Henry: We need to find her. We need to stop them. We need to help Emma and Mary Margaret. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Emma is futilely banging the door of the cell with her sword, while the rest of them watch.) MMB: We aren't going to break it down, Emma. It was enchanted to hold Rumpelstiltskin. We don't have a chance. Aurora: This is my fault. Mulan: No, it's mine. Cora stole your heart because I failed to protect you. Emma: That's very sweet, but I believe it's my fault. I'm the saviour, and I'm not doing much saving, am I? MMB: We're going to win this fight, you know. Good always defeats evil. Emma: You sound like Henry. MMB: Guess optimism runs in the family. Emma: I think it skipped a generation. MMB: You should know better than anybody. You broke the curse. Emma: What have I done since then? I got us stranded over here, burned down the wardrobe, let Cora get the ash, and now, the compass. The only reason I ever broke the curse, was because it was exactly what Gold wanted me to do. I had nothing to do with it. MMB: What are you talking about? Emma: He told you I was the saviour. It was his plan. Once I fulfilled that role, maybe that's all I was ever meant to do. Everything I've ever done... He had it all mapped out before I was even born. I'm not powerful. I'm... I'm not... A saviour. I'm a name on a piece of paper. I'm a pawn, and that's exactly why we are in here. And Cora's on her way to Storybrooke. [SCENE_BREAK] (Meanwhile, Cora and Hook are traveling through a field.) Hook: Where are we going? Cora: Lake Nostos. The legend says its waters hold the power to restore what was once lost. It'll return magic to what remains of this wardrobe. And then, we'll be able to cross worlds. (They arrive at the dried up Lake Nostos.) Hook: I may be a simple pirate, but... I know one thing - lakes have water. (Cora waves her hand, and a small vortex magically forms in the middle on the former lake. Suddenly, a geyser of water shoots up from the ground.) Cora: After everything we've been through, why do you still doubt me? -[Wonderland]- (In Wonderland, Cora still has her hand in Hook's chest.) Hook: I've told you all I know. Now have some honour, and kill me. Cora: Honour? For the pirate who snuck into my palace to assassinate me? Hook: At your daughter's behest. Cora: She should've come. She should've killed me herself. (Cora removes her hand from his chest, but leaves his heart intact.) Hook: Mercy seems a bit out of character. Cora: Oh, not mercy, Hook. You're going to help me. Regina knows my methods better than anyone. If I was controlling you, she'd know. This has to be your choice. Hook: Why should I? Cora: Because, my dear, I'm the only one who can give you what you want. Hook: Is that so? Cora: This curse my daughter plans to enact? This new land she's taking everyone to? You won't remember who you are. So tell me, Captain - how do you expect to kill someone, when you can't even remember him? But, if you do what I say, I'll make sure you not only kill him, but that you remember every single moment. Hook: Well, what shall you have me do? Cora: Get me close to my daughter. And then, I'll rip her heart out. -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Cora and Hook return to the Evil Queen's castle. Cora lies in a casket and pretends to be dead. Hook brings the Evil Queen in to show her the results.) Hook: Satisfied? Evil Queen: Did she put up a fight? Hook: Nothing I couldn't handle. Evil Queen: Thank you. Now leave us. I'd like a moment alone to say goodbye. (Hook exits.) Evil Queen: I'm sorry, mother. Without you, I never would've become the person I am now. But I had no choice. I had to do this. After you killed Daniel, you told me something I've never forgotten. Love is weakness. Well, mother, you are my weakness, because I love you. That's why I couldn't risk taking you to the new land with me. Your grip on my heart is just too strong. And for what I need to do... I can't have any weakness. (She places a rose on top of Cora's body.) Evil Queen: Goodbye, mother. (When the Evil Queen exits the room, Hook emerges from the shadows.) Hook: What happened? You didn't kill her. Cora: There's been a change in plans. Hook: What would that be? Cora: My daughter's curse is coming. We have to protect ourselves. [SCENE_BREAK] (The Evil Queen's curse rips through the Enchanted Forest, the smoke quickly progressing across the land. Cora and Hook watch from a distance as it approaches. Cora strikes the ground with her sceptre, creating a beam of light that shoots up towards the sky. Eventually, the beam scatters, creating a domed shield around a small section on the land.) Hook: Wouldn't it have been easier to reconcile with her before her curse destroys the land? Cora: Regina doesn't need me - not now. Not when she thinks she's about to win. But I still have a place in her heart. And the curse won't last forever. It will end. In twenty-eight years, there'll be a saviour. And she'll break it. Hook: Twenty-eight years? Cora: You won't even notice. You'll be frozen, like all those in this corner of the land. But, when the curse ends, our quest will resume. And, when it does, Regina will truly have lost everything, and then she'll need me. That's when we'll go to this new land. You'll get your revenge. And me, I'll... Help her pick up the pieces. -[Storybrooke]- (Regina and Mr. Gold are walking through the woods towards the 'wishing well'.) Regina: You're certain the portal's going to open up all the way out here? Mr. Gold: There. This is where things once lost are returned to us. This is where Cora's going to come through. (The two of them look inside. The water below is bubbling.) Regina: Unless, it's Mary Margaret and Emma. Mr. Gold: I highly doubt it. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Emma's group is still stuck inside the cell. Mary Margaret is analyzing the paper.) MMB: We are going to get out of here. Emma: How? By staring at that scroll? It's not like it's going to magically open the door for us. MMB: Yes, it is. Emma: What? MMB: When I was a little girl, I used to sneak into Cora's chamber and watch her practice magic. She had a spell book and, Emma... The spells were in the book. Emma: Yeah, isn't that what a spell book is? A book that has spells in it? MMB: Watch. (Mary Margaret gently blows on the paper, causing the words to lift off the page.) Emma: Whoa. Squid ink. Gold wrote the scroll in squid ink! (Mary Margaret blows the words toward the door of the cell. The inked words magically create an exit.) MMB: Told you. Good always wins. Aurora: Wait. I can't go. You have to tie me up. Mulan: No. I'm not leaving without you. Aurora: I can't be trusted. Not as long as Cora has my heart. Mulan: Then I will get it back for you. Aurora: Mulan... Mulan: I will. Emma: Mulan. We got to go. Aurora: Do it. (Mulan takes a piece of rope, and ties Aurora to what remains of the cell's bars.) Aurora: Good luck. MMB: Thank you. Good luck to you. [SCENE_BREAK] (The geyser at Lake Nostos gradually subsides, leaving behind a small lake. Cora takes out the vial of ashes.) Cora: And now, the ashes. Would you care to do the honours? (Hook takes the ashes and sprinkles them into the lake. A whirlpool magically forms in the center of the lake.) Cora: Here we go. We'll be in Storybrooke soon enough. I really look forward to seeing my daughter. -[Storybrooke]- (Mr. Gold and Regina continue to stare down the well, until they see a change in the water.) Mr. Gold: It's time. Regina: So, what are we waiting for? (They step away from the well, and Mr. Gold takes out the fairy wand. He holds it up towards the sky and summons a thunderstorm. A clash of green lightning strikes the well, which creates an electric barrier of sorts.) Mr. Gold: Doesn't matter who comes through now. No one can survive this. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Cora and Hook stand near the whirlpool. Cora takes out the compass, and holds it out for Hook to grab.) Cora: I told you I'd deliver you to Rumpelstiltskin. Now don't let go. Unless, you want to end up someplace that isn't Storybrooke. (Hook takes the other side of the compass, and the two of them prepare to jump. However, Emma, Mary Margaret, and Mulan arrive at the scene in time to stop them. Mary Margaret shoots the compass out of their hands.) MMB: You're not going anywhere. This portal's taking us home. The compass - get it. Cora: Find it first. I'll take care of them. (Cora shoots a fireball towards the group, but Mulan deflects it with her sword. Emma draws her own sword and starts a fight with Hook over the compass. Cora continues to shoot fireballs at Mulan, while Mary Margaret attempts to assist by shooting arrows from a distance. Cora dodges Mulan by magically disappearing, but the bag containing Aurora's heart is left behind. It is flung towards the whirlpool, but is caught just in time by Hook before falling in. He tosses the bag to Mulan.) Hook: I may be a pirate, but I bristle at the thought of a woman losing her heart - unless it's over me. (Mulan looks conflicted over what to do. Mary Margaret approaches her.) MMB: Go! Mulan: No, but you need the compass! MMB: And Aurora needs her heart. (Mulan gives Mary Margaret her sword.) Mulan: Take it. It deflects her magic. (Mulan exits the battle. Emma and Hook resume fighting.) Emma: I had no idea you had such a soft side. Hook: I don't. Just like a fair fight. (They continue to duel.) Hook: Good form. But not good enough. (Hook grabs Emma's leg and manages to flip her onto her back. Meanwhile, Mary Margaret and Cora square off. Hook slowly slides his Hook down Emma's sword and pins her to the ground.) Hook: Normally, I prefer to do other more enjoyable activities with a woman on her back. With my life on the line, you've left me no choice. A bit of advice? When I jab you with my sword, you'll feel it. You might want to quit. (Emma feels for the compass buried in the sand under her back.) Emma: Why would I do that when I'm winning? (Emma grabs the compass and holds it up. Hook is momentarily distracted long enough for Emma to push him off of her. They briefly duel, until Emma gets the upper hand.) Emma: Thanks. (Emma, with the compass in her fist, pulls back her arm and punches Hook in the face. He collapses to the ground, unconscious.) Emma: Now let's go home! -[Storybrooke]- (Mr. Gold and Regina watch the storm brew inside the well. Henry and Ruby arrive.) Henry: Mom? You're not helping Emma and Mary Margaret, are you? Regina: I'm helping you, Henry. Henry: What are you talking about? Ruby: You're going to kill them. (Mr. Gold magically shoots Ruby back with the wand, knocking her out.) Mr. Gold: Sorry, dearie. Henry: Mom, what are you doing? Regina: We can't let Cora come through the portal. You have no idea what she would do to us. Henry: Emma and Mary Margaret are going to defeat her. They're the ones that are going to come through. Mr. Gold: Henry, your mother's right. It's going to be Cora. Henry: No. It won't. Good always defeats evil. You should know that more than anyone. Regina: What I know, is my mother will destroy everything I love - and that means you. And I can't let that happen. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Mary Margaret and Cora have still yet to engage in a fight, when Emma charges at Cora with her sword. Cora dodges Emma by magically disappearing.) MMB: Emma, run! (The two of them make a break for the whirlpool, but Cora reappears in front of them, blocking their path. She magically throws the two of them backwards onto the ground. Cora then stalks in Mary Margaret's direction. Emma attempts to get up, but is thrown back to the ground by Cora.) MMB: Why do you want to go to Storybrooke? Cora: Because my daughter needs me. And now, I'm going to give her the one thing she's always wanted - your heart. Goodbye, Snow. Emma: No! (Cora draws back her hand, but Emma pushes Mary Margaret out of the way just before she reaches into her chest. Instead, Cora ends up with her hand inside Emma's chest.) MMB: Emma! Cora: Oh, you foolish girl. Don't you know? Love is weakness. (Cora tries to rip out Emma's heart, but finds she's unable to draw back her hand.) Emma: No. It's strength. (Suddenly, a burst of white light spreads out from Emma's body in all directions, causing Cora to disappear.) Emma: What was that? MMB: That... Is a great subject for discussion. When we get home. (Mary Margaret grabs Emma's arm and the two of them dash towards the whirlpool.) MMB: Ready? Emma: Yeah. Let's go. (The two of them jump into the whirlpool portal.) -[Storybrooke]- (In the forest, Henry tries to run towards the well, but is restrained by Regina.) Henry: You can't! Stop it! You can't! You're going to kill them! Please! No! They're going to make it through! We have to turn it off! You're going to kill them! (Henry manages to break free from Regina's grasp, but she quickly pulls him back.) Regina: Henry! What are you doing? Henry: Emma and Mary Margaret are going to come through. I know it. You said you wanted to change - to be better. This is how. You want me to have faith in you? Have faith in me. Mr. Gold: Regina. (Regina approaches the well and extends her arms over the electrical barrier. She uses her magic to absorb the storm into her body, effectively removing the barrier to the portal. The power of the magic throws her back. Despite the threat being removed, no one appears to be coming through the portal.) Henry: No! Regina: I'm sorry, Henry. I'm sorry. (Suddenly, a hand comes out of the well and grabs the edge. Emma pulls herself out, followed by Mary Margaret.) Henry: Mom? Emma: Henry! Henry: Mom! (Henry rushes to Emma and the two of them hug. Mary Margaret joins in.) Emma: I missed you! Henry: I missed you, too. Emma: I missed you so much. (When they draw back from the group hug, they see Mr. Gold silently slinking away, Regina on the ground, and Ruby finally coming around.) MMB: What's going on? What happened? Henry: She saved you. She saved both of you. Emma: Thank you. Regina: You're welcome. Ruby: Are you okay? (Ruby runs towards Mary Margaret, and the two of them also share a hug.) MMB: Where's my husband? I need to find him. (Ruby and Mary Margaret exit.) Emma: Um, your mom... She's, uh... She's... A piece of work, you know? Regina: Indeed, I do. Welcome back. Emma: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret and Ruby enter Mr. Gold's shop, with Emma and Henry trailing behind. David is still lying unconscious, and the dwarves are still gathered around the bed.) MMB: David? (She kisses David, which causes the sleeping curse to be broken. A pulse of magic spreads throughout the room. He wakes up and gasps.) David: You... You did it. MMB: Did you ever doubt I would? (They kiss again.) David: No. Though, the burning red room did give me pause. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma confronts Mr. Gold alone in the main part of the shop.) Emma: We need to talk. Mr. Gold: Yes. I believe apologies are in order. Emma: No. No apologies necessary. I understand why you wanted to keep Cora out of here. Mr. Gold: Just remind me never to bet against you in the future, Miss Swan. Emma: It's not really a bet when the game is rigged, is it? Mr. Gold: To what exactly are you referring? Emma: Your scroll. I saw it in your cell. You wrote my name again, and again, and again. Mr. Gold: Just wanted to make sure it would stick. Emma: The ink - it was there all the time. You could've gotten out. Mr. Gold: I was exactly where I wanted to be. You needed to find that, so all this could occur. Emma: You created the curse, Gold. You made me the saviour. So everything I've ever done... It's exactly what you wanted me to do. Mr. Gold: I created the curse, dearie, but I didn't make you. I merely took advantage of what you are - the product of true love. That's why you're powerful. And everything you've done, you've done yourself. Emma: So you don't know. Mr. Gold: Know what? Emma: Cora... Tried to rip my heart out, but she couldn't. She was blasted back by something inside me. By... By- Mr. Gold: By magic. Whatever that was, I didn't do that. You did. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Mulan has brought the bag containing Aurora's heart back to the cell. Mulan carefully takes the heart out of the bag. It glows and beats in her hand.) Aurora: Have you done this before? Mulan: No. (Mulan lifts the glowing heart to Aurora's chest and pushes it inside of her. She briefly stops breathing, but suddenly gasps.) Aurora: Thank you... Mulan: What now? Aurora: Cora told me something. When a wraith consumes a soul, it's not trapped there forever. It can be reunited with its body. Mulan: You think we can save Phillip? Aurora: We can try. Mulan: Then let's try. (Mulan extends her hand to Aurora, and the two of them exit the cell.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cora stares vacantly at the now defunct whirlpool portal. Hook has also regained consciousness.) Cora: We failed. Hook: Really, Cora. After all this time, why do you still doubt me? (Hook holds up the mummified bean.) Cora: Well, that bean's petrified. It's useless. Hook: But these waters have regenerative properties. Perhaps, it's time to do some gardening. -[Storybrooke]- (Everyone is still gathered at Mr. Gold's shop. Henry approaches Regina, who is standing off to the side.) Henry: I was right. You really have changed. (Henry wraps his arms around Regina, who cautiously returns the hug.) Henry: Thank you. (Emma reenters the room.) MMB: Emma... David: Looks like we have some catching up to do. Emma: You have no idea. Ruby: How about dinner at Granny's? On me. Emma: As long as it's not Chimera, I'm in. Hey, kid. You hungry? Henry: Yeah. (Henry breaks away from Regina and joins Emma. Everyone begins filing out.) Henry: I'll see you later. (As everyone exits, Regina begins to tear up. Eventually, Regina and Mr. Gold are the only two that remain.) Mr. Gold: Congratulations. You just reunited mother and son. Maybe one day, they'll even invite you for dinner. [SCENE_BREAK] (The reunited group happily walks down the main street of Storybrooke to Granny's Diner. On the horizon, a large ship is seen drawing near the town. On board are Hook and Cora. Cora is holding a black wilted rose, while Hook inspects the town through a telescope.) Hook: There it is. Cora: Storybrooke. -[End]-
doc_212	(SGH) (Derek is in the OR performing surgery on a patient. The gallery is empty aside from Meredith who is standing by herself) MVO: As doctors we're trained to skeptical because our patients lie to us all the time. The rule is: every patient is a liar until proven honest. (Cristina enters the gallery and gives Meredith a wry smile and Meredith smiles back. Cristina walks up to the window to peer and looks down into the surgery) Meredith: Why aren't you prepping for rounds and stealing all the good cases? Cristina: Well why aren't you prepping for rounds and stealing all the good cases? Meredith (shrugs): No reason. Cristina: No reason? MVO: Lying is bad. Or so we're told. Constantly, from birth. Honesty is the best policy. (Cristina sits down next to Meredith) MVO: The truth shall set you free. I chop down the cherry tree. Whatever. Meredith: I'm waiting for McDreamy. Cristina: I'm avoiding Burke. Meredith: Why are you avoiding Burke? Cristina: He thinks I moved in with him. Why are you waiting... Meredith (interrupts): McDreamy is doing me a favor. Burke thinks you moved in with him? Cristina: Wait you're calling him McDreamy again? (Cristina shakes her head at Meredith) MVO: The fact is, lying is a necessity. (Trauma room where Meredith is sitting on a table as Derek draws out her blood) Meredith: Thank you for doing this. With the needles and the blood. They won't accept her without a full family history. Derek: I'm happy to get your mom into the clinical trial. Even with the needles and blood. (He stands up and they 'gaze' into each others eyes) Derek: All done. How's that feel? MVO: We lie to ourselves because the truth, the truth freaking hurts. Meredith: Feels good. (Cristina is standing in a hallway waiting for Meredith. Meredith walks up to her and they start walking down the hall together) Meredith: Burke thinks you moved in with him? What does that mean? Cristina: Ok it's not important. You're calling Derek, McDreamy again. Meredith: It's nothing. Cristina: All right, what are you doing? Meredith: What are you doing? Cristina: Stop repeating what I say. Meredith: Stop asking me questions. (They stop and look out over the railing of the mezzanine and hear some banging. George is banging on a window of the hospital with Izzie standing next to him, arms crossed holding a leash with Doc on it.) George (yells): Cujo has to go! (Intern locker room where the interns are getting for rounds. Meredith is sitting down on a bench, already in her scrubs with Doc laying next to her) Izzie: He peed on my bed. My bed, Meredith! Meredith (defensive): He's our dog! George: No, he's not my dog. You two bought him, without even asking me. Meredith: We rescued him from certain death. (She pouts) Come on you guys. George: I'm putting my foot down. Either the dog moves out or I do. Foot. Down. Now. Me or the dog, which is it? (Meredith looks down at Doc contemplating and then back up at George) George (shocked): You hesitated! She hesitated! Izzie: You hesitated?!? Meredith: I didn't hesitate. I was thinking. George: You have to think about it, fine! I'm moving out right now. (He heads to the door to exit the room but as he opens the door, Bailey is revealed standing there. He swivels back towards his locker) George: Later. I'm moving out later because right now I have rounds. (Bailey walks into the room) Bailey: Tell me that is not a dog. All: It's not a dog. (Bailey's pager goes off) (Bailey is standing outside the emergency double doors with Cristina, George, Meredith, Alex, and Izzie. An ambulances double doors open up and paramedics start wheeling out a patient, including Tony the paramedic) Tony: Rick Freeark. 29. Severed 3 fingers on his left hand. Controlled the bleeding in field. Vitals stable. Gave him 5 of morphine on the way in. (They all start wheeling the patient down the hallway) Bailey: The fingers? Tony: Had some trouble retrieving them so we took off. Rich behind us found them. They're iced and ready to go. 10 minutes out. Bailey: Continue with IV fluids and start a course of antibiotics. (Bailey stops Cristina) Bailey: Yang, wait outside for the fingers. (Cristina heads back out) (Rick's trauma room) Rick: You can sew them back on right? Cause they sewed that guy's pen1s back on after his wife chopped it off, right? Bailey: Penises and fingers. Like apples and oranges. George: How did it happen? Rick: I was loading my gear onto my truck for a gig and my hand got caught in the lift gate. Alex: You're a musician? Rick: I play the friggin guitar. (to Bailey) You can sew them back on right? It's not that big of a deal right? Oh dude I better not be out of the band. (Trauma room, where now there are only scrub nurses and Derek checking on Rick's fingers. Cristina enters the room with Rick's detached fingers in a towel) Derek: Well the cuts look clean. That's good. Clean and severed makes reattachment easier. I'm not going to lie to you, if the surgery is successful; we're looking at a long recovery. Lots of physical therapy. (Rick looks pained at this) You smoke? Rick: Why? Derek: Cigarette smoke constricts the blood vessels. I've seen really good grafts fail over a few cigarettes. Rick: So what are you saying? I, I smoke a cigarette after my operation and boom my fingers fall off? Cristina: No first they turn black and necrotic and then they fall off. (Derek smiles apologetically at Rick) Rick: Well I don't smoke, so ... Cristina (holding up one detached finger): Really? Cause judging by the nicotine stains, your fingers do. (Rick looks alarmed at the idea of having to give up smoking) (George is rifling through some charts at the nurses station when he hears a voice call out from a patient room) Sophie: Anybody out there? Hello! (George shoots a glance to Nurse Debbie who is also at the desk) Debbie: Don't look at me! She had hip replacement surgery a month ago and was discharged last week. George: Then why is she still here? Debbie: Because I am not a bouncer and this is not a nightclub! I am doing what I can (Richard walks up and Debbie walks directly to him) with extremely limited staff and resources and if you have a problem with that take it up with 'Chief!' (She storms off. You can hear Sophie sing now) Sophie: Don't know why, there's no sun up in the sky ... (Richard shoots George a look) Richard: Mrs. Larson's got to go. George: If she refuses to leave what can I do? Richard: She's 78 and non-ambulatory. You have the upper hand here. Use it. (Bailey, Izzie and Alex walk up to them) Richard: Karev, can I talk to you for a second? (He and Alex walk off to the side and he hands him an envelope) Richard: The results of your medical board exam. Alex: Thanks. (Richard walks off as Izzie looks on curiously. George dumps a bunch of charts into Izzie's arms and heads off. Bailey looks on disapprovingly. Alex walks back up to Bailey and Izzie) Izzie: Aren't you going to open it? Alex: Yeah, I'll open it. (George is entering Sophie Larson's room. An elderly yet very vibrant and energetic woman) Sophie (sings): I'm weary, all the time. (George claps loudly) Sophie: Oh, thank you. Thank you. George: Ok, Mrs. Larson I'm Dr. O'Malley. Sophie: Oh an Irishman! I love the Irish. They have a sparkle. You can see it in the eye and the swagger. Come on Dr. O'Malley, show me the swagger. (George looks slightly uncomfortable but swaggers half-heartedly up to Sophie's bedside) Sophie: The eyes are right, but uh you'll have to work on the swagger. George: Mrs. Larson... Sophie: Call me Sophie. Now, be a doll and bring me a remote. (She holds up and shakes it in front of him) This one's busted. George: Sophie, I can't bring you a new remote because you are no longer a patient at this hospital. Now according to your chart you have a room waiting for you at the Sugar Maple Nursing Home. Sophie: I'm staying until my daughter's house is ready. She's converting her den into my bedroom. She's doing it a shade of pink. Now bring me a remote Irish. I'm going to sing until you get back. (She starts singing loudly) Can't go on. Everything thing I have is gone! (George holds out is hand and she slaps a remote into it) Stormy weather- George: Coming right up. (He leaves) (Trauma room where a young Asian woman named Yumi sits on a bed continuously hiccupping. Yumi's Coach, Mr. Kamaji is also in the room) Alex: Ah Yumi Miyazaki. 22. She presented this morning with persistent hiccups. Izzie: She was given 50 chlopromazine which stopped them for a while but then the hiccups returned so she needs a surgical consult to rule out esophageal perforation. Bailey: When did your hiccups start? Mr. Kamaji: A few days ago. She doesn't speak English. Bailey: Are you her boyfriend? Mr. Kamaji: Her coach. Alex: Oh she's an athlete. Mr. Kamaji: Ah, Yumi is a competitive eater. Izzie: Eating is a sport? Alex (nods): Miyazaki ... yeah, yeah. She's like a Rock star in Japan. Izzie: Again, eating is a sport? Alex (to Mr. Kamaji): Tell her I saw her on TV. Tell her that I'm an athlete too. I'm a wrestler. Mr. Kamaji (in Japanese to Yumi): The young doctor wants you to know he's a wrestler. I think he's flirting with you. (Yumi gives Alex an appraising look) Yumi (in Japanese to Kamaji): Tell him I eat little boys like him for breakfast. Mr. Kamaji (to Alex): She wonders how a wrestler got smart enough to be a doctor. Most wrestlers she knows are dumb. (Alex and Izzie smile. Izzie more of a oh my god smile) Alex: Just tell her that she hasn't been hanging around the right gyms. Bailey: How bout instead you tell her that persistent hiccup could be an indication of something much more serious. (To Alex and Izzie) Schedule an esophogram. Mr. Kamaji: Oh she's competing this afternoon at the 'Taste of Seattle'. Can't you just give her a stronger dose of that drug? It seemed to work. Bailey: Did the hiccups come back? Mr. Kamaji: Yes, but... Bailey: Then it didn't work. (She moves and starts to walk off, but stops suddenly clutching her stomach in pain) Izzie: Dr. Bailey. Bailey: Be quiet. Izzie: Dr. Bailey, are you ok? (Bailey tries to shrug it off, but she still seems to be in pain) Bailey: All right somebody page Addison Shepherd. (Izzie moves off quickly while Alex stays with Bailey) (Bailey is lying down being given an ultrasound by Addison in an exam room) Addison: There he is. Heartbeat's strong. Since there's no dilation or effacement, looks like nothing more than Braxton Hicks. (Bailey sits up) Bailey: Except I know the mild concerned tone. I've used it myself from time to time. Addison: Sometimes false labor is the body's way of telling you to slow down. Bailey: I'm a surgeon. Addison: I understand the realities of your job but you need to understand the realities of your pregnancy and take it easy. Is there anything I can do to help? Bailey: Uh, yeah for starters you can help me get up off this table. (Izzie knocks on the door and enters) Izzie: Dr. Bailey. The GI lab has a couple of questions about Miss. Miyazaki's esophagram. Bailey: Well let's go. (Bailey walks out of the room) Addison: Dr. Stevens. (Izzie stops following Bailey) Addison: Keep an eye on her today. Watch out for any painful contractions. More than 5 in an hour. Anything that could indicate pre-term labor. (Izzie shakes her head) The favor is not for me Stevens, you know that. (Izzie nods and walks off) (Patient room where a middle aged woman named Naomi Cline lies on the bed looking very happy. Meredith and Burke are at the end of Naomi's bed. Tom Cline, Naomi's husband is also in the room) Meredith: Naomi Cline. 43. Had her tricuspid valve replaced 3 years ago with a porcine valve, sir. Burke: Ah Naomi, surprised to see you back again so soon. Pig valve usually holds up 10 to 15 years. But yours seems to be degenerating a little too quickly for my comfort. Naomi: Oh, heart valve, schmart valve. (excited) I got married Dr. Burke! (She laughs) I found him. My true love. My 'you jump, I jump'. (Burke and Meredith exchange looks. She holds out her hand to show her wedding ring) Look. Isn't it beautiful? And look, look at that beautiful, beautiful man. (Meredith and Burke turn around to see a middle aged balding man named Tom Cline.) Tom (uncomfortable): Heh. We ah meet in the grocery store. Naomi: Oh honey ... (She gestures for him to come be by her bedside) Burke: Oh, congratulations. It's good to see you so happy Naomi. Naomi: Yeah. (Tom comes by her bedside and Naomi becomes very affectionate) Tom: So Naomi's heart valve, what does this mean? Burke: Well there's an underlying cause for your wife's valve failure that remains undiagnosed. Theories, Grey? Meredith: Rheumatic fever, chronic use of migraine meds- (A large bark from Doc in the hallway interrupts her) or IV narcotics could all cause uh valve disease sir. Naomi (smiling): Oh I don't use drugs. Don't need them. I've got Tom, he's my drug. Aren't you baby? (Meredith looks weirded out by Naomi's happiness) (Meredith and Burke are walking out of Naomi's patient room walking down the hall) Meredith: She's high Dr. Burke. Burke (chuckles): Oh, she's in love. She's happy. Meredith: Nobody is that happy. She's on drugs. Burke (sighs): Run a tox screen but Naomi doesn't strike me as a liar. If she says no drugs, then it's no drugs. You develop a sixth sense about these things. Meredith (shrugs): Everybody is a liar. (Doc barks loudly again from the hallway) Burke: Dr. Grey, is that a dog? Meredith (shakes her head): No. (Derek is with Rick in the trauma room.) Derek: Look, we need to keep this elevated ok? Rick: Ok. Derek: I'll be back to check on you in a little bit. (Derek heads out of the room into the hallway where Cristina is dumping some waste into a waste bin. They start walking down the hall together) Derek: Yang, you were a little harsh in there. Cristina: He was lying. Besides your harsh is another man's refreshing. Derek: Well he's in shock. The man's lost his fingers and his only remaining habit in one day. We need to be compassionate. Cristina (looks upset): Compassionate? Derek: Yes. It's an emotion. Have you ever heard of it? CRISTINA: Oh, have you? (Derek looks shocked at Cristina's audacity) She's barely back on her feet and you've got her calling you McDreamy again. You know I was just telling the patient the truth. So you might want to try it sometime. (Cristina walks off) (George is standing on some shelves rummaging around a utilities room. Richard walks by but double backs when he realizes what George is doing) George: Remotes. (He pulls out a stack from a box) More remotes. Richard: O'Malley? George: I'm getting a remote for Mrs. Larson. Richard: What happened to the upper hand? George: Have you met Mrs. Larson, sir? Richard: Why do you think she's been here this long? In a private room? George (amused): She handled you, too? Richard: Well, she sang for the troops, you know. George: Can't we just keep here until her the room in her daughter's house is ready? Richard: No we can't. Not on surgical service, anyway. George: Oh, ok... but some other service? Richard: I'm the Chief, O'Malley. I can't condone turfing patients onto other services. You hear me O'Malley? (Richard walks off) (George is entering Mrs. Larson's room smiling) Sophie: I'm ah, I'm missing my program Irish and I don't see a remote in that hot little hand. George: I noticed that urine output has increased slightly since yesterday. I'm going to have to take you to gynecology to make sure you don't have a prolapsed uterus. Sophie: Honey my uterus hasn't been an issue for 30 years. George: I know, but it might be an issue now. ... You know one that could keep you here in the hospital for tests. (Sophie grins broadly and grabs the metal triangle in front of her for grip) Sophie: You drive, I'll ride shotgun. (Izzie comes to the door as George prepares to move Mrs. Larson's bed) Izzie: You're not moving out, George. George: Oh yes, I am. I gave an ultimatum. Threw dawn the gauntlet. I drew my line in the sand. Izzie: Well un-give, un-throw and un-draw. George: A man does not give an ultimatum and then back down. (Izzie helps George move the bed out of the room and down the hallway) George: Meredith had a choice and she chose the dog. Sophie (shocked): A girl chose a dog over you? George: Yes. Izzie: No. (Izzie and George stare at each other) (Hospital outdoor cafeteria. Alex is sitting at a table by himself looking over the envelope Richard gave him. There is also an unusually big pile of hotdogs sitting in front of him. He puts it away quickly as Cristina and Izzie come up and sit down at the table as well. Cristina also has a large plate of hotdogs) Alex: Are we gonna do this or what? Cristina: Yeah, let's go. (George comes up running with his own plate of hotdogs) George: Don't start without me. Alex: We're not gonna start if Izzie doesn't focus. Cristina: Izzie, come on. Izzie (ignores this): What should I put on the flier? George: I don't know. Cristina: Destructive, aggressive, uh hell dog available. George: That's not helping. Cristina: Fine, uh playful, protective puppy needs loving home. Izzie (approvingly): Good. (Meredith comes with her own set of food and Doc on a leash. She sits down) Meredith: Hey, George. George (looking down at his food): Don't talk to me! You'll only make me mad. You're gonna mess up my game and I'm in the zone. Meredith: Okay. (To Izzie): What are you doing? Izzie: Oh it's a flier that I'm gonna put it up... Cristina (yells): Izzie, come on! George (yells at the same time): Izzie! Izzie: Okay! Keep your panties on! (Izzie picks up a stop watch as George, Alex and Cristina all prepare to have a hot-dog eating contest) Izzie: All right. (George picks up one of his hotdogs) Cristina: No touching! (George puts down his hotdog making a face at Cristina) Izzie (struggling not to laugh): Go! (George, Alex and Cristina start wolfing down their hotdogs. Though Cristina opts for eating the actual hotdog meat first quickly, rather than bun and dog like Alex and George) Meredith (looks at the flier): You're advertising for a home for Doc? I said I would do it. Izzie: And you haven't and you won't. And I don't want George to leave. (She makes a funny face when she looks at George's eating) Meredith: Well at least put down he's not house-broken. (Izzie gives her a look) What? It's the truth. Izzie: Ok, so you want me to put the truth. Fine. (Cristina has now finished her hot dog meat and only left with the buns with she is now wetting down with water, mushing up and then stuffing into her mouth) Izzie: Vicious, hyper devil mutt is available. And will pee on the bed. Meredith: He's your dog too. We got him together. (She gives the others a weird look at their eating contest. It seems Cristina is winning, Alex followed closely behind, and George is pretty much screwed) Izzie: We got him together, please. He's not your dog either. He doesn't even know us. We are not home enough for him to know us. (Cristina stuffs the last of it down her mouth and shouts victorious. Though it's very muffled and hard to understand since she still has a mouth full of bread. Alex and George also protest muffled as she hasn't chewed it all down. Cristina stands up and starts gloating and making hand gestures) Cristina: You want to be! You want to be me but you can't be me! You want to be me... (She stops abruptly and looks like she's gonna chuck) George: Uh, oh. (She sits back down woozy) Izzie: Crap, she's gonna blow. (They all stand up quickly and run off, leaving Cristina sitting by herself trying not to throw up) (Patricia and Richard are walking down a hallway together. Patricia is reading from some papers) Patricia: The surgical floor has become a dumping ground for patients who aren't even surgical. We are overworked and exhausted. This makes for un... Richard (interrupts): The nurses again? Can't you do something about this? You used to be one of them. Don't you speak nurse? (Richard stops in front of the OR board) Patricia: That's why you don't get any respect from the nurses; surgical arrogance. Richard (huffs): I'm not arrogant. Patricia: You're killing them with that workload. Look at the board! (The board is absolutely filled) Richard: What? That's a beautiful board. Patricia: That's a crowded board. (She hands Richard the paper she was reading from) We need more nurses. (She walks off) (Exam room, where Yumi is lying down on a table undergoing an ultrasound. Izzie, Bailey, Alex and Mr. Kamaji are in there. Yumi is still hiccupping) Bailey: Mr. Kamaji, this is probably what's causing her hiccups. (Izzie points to a screen) A tear in the lining of her esophagus. Mr. Kamaji: Can you fix it? Bailey: Yes, surgically the sooner, the better. Mr. Kamaji: Ah, after the competition today her schedule is clear until March. Bailey: No her schedule is clear now. She can't compete today. And if she enjoys the taste of solid food, I recommend giving up the sport for something a little less aggressive. Say boxing. (Yumi just lies on the table looking scared and at Mr. Kamaji to tell her what's going on) Mr. Kamaji: I see. Could you give us some privacy please? (The three doctors all exchange looks and leave the room) Bailey: Karev, get the translator up here. Let's make sure she's getting the whole truth. [SCENE_BREAK] (Patient room where Rick is. Cristina comes in and finds Rick's band mates and friends in the room, smoking and drinking) Band Mate: Busted Cristina: Put that out! Band Mate: Sorry. Cristina: I gotta prep you for surgery. Can you ask your friends to leave? (The band mates hug Richard and leave. Cristina starts prepping Richard and notices a carton of cigarette's on his lap. Richard notices this and holds up the packet defensively) Rick: I wasn't gonna light 'em. I was just holding them. Cristina: Ok. Rick: Seriously, take 'em. Throw 'em out. Cristina: No you hang onto them. Rick: Seriously, I wasn't going to smoke. Cristina: Seriously, I don't care. Do what you want. Rick: You don't think I'm going to be able to quit, do you? Cristina: No. I don't. (George is walking down the hall when he stops suddenly hearing a voice) Sophie (singing): I'm lonely all the time ... George: Oh no. (He looks over at the nurses' station where Debbie is standing) Debbie: Oh yeah. (George opens the patient door apprehensively, not wanting to believe it) Sophie: Irish. That nice lady doctor in gynecology said that since I had a hysterectomy back in '74, I don't have a uterus to prolapse. (George walks in and sits dejectedly on the couch seat in the room) George (to himself): Damn it. Sophie: I've been feeling a bit feverish. (George sits up quickly and grabs Sophie's chart of her bedside) A woman my age with a fever could be an indication of oh any number of awful diseases. George (disappointed): They took your temperature an hour ago. It was normal. I am sorry Sophie, but I'm going to have to call your daughter. Sophie: I'm telling you, I'm warm. (George walks over and places a hand on Sophie's forehead. She places her own hand over his and smiles) Sophie: That must be one hell of a dog. George: Excuse me? (George removes his hand from Sophie's forehead but she still holds onto it) Sophie: With those eyes and those nice firm hands ... A girl who chooses a dog over you ... It must be one hell of a dog. (George smiles at Sophie) (Burke and Meredith are walking down a hallway together) Meredith: Mrs. Cline's tox screen and titer both came back negative. I was sure I was right about that. Burke (chuckles): Gonna have to adjust your world view Dr. Grey. There are people out there that don't lie. Meredith: Maybe. Burke: Although frankly, the drug use would've explained the valve failure. (They stop walking in the middle of some stairs) Meredith: So how do we proceed? Burke: Schedule Mrs. Cline for a surgery. Meredith (nods): Ok. (Meredith starts heading back up the stairs) Burke: Do you want to come over for dinner? (Meredith stops abruptly on a stair and turns around shocked) Meredith: What? Burke: Dinner. Our place. Mine and Cristina's. Meredith (still shocked): Why? Burke: You're Cristina's best-friend. I want her to feel welcome to have friends in our home. Meredith: Oh, so she moved in with you? Burke: Yes. (suddenly confused) Didn't she tell you? Meredith (forces a smile): Of course she told me. Why wouldn't she tell me? She's in, right? Which you know, I think is great. Burke: Right. (He heads off down the stairs leaving Meredith standing looking confused) (Derek is standing in front of an elevator revealing Cristina standing by herself. He walks in. Cristina avoids looking at him) Derek: Just came from Mr. Freeark's room. He's convinced that he won't be able to quit smoking. Says that you agree. Cristina: No he asked my opinion. Want me to apologize? Derek: No I want you to go in there and tell him that you're wrong. That you're having a bad day. You're favorite uncle died of lung cancer and that every time you see a cigarette you freak out. Say whatever you need to say. Get him to believe that this about you not him. Because if he thinks he won't be able to quit, he won't. Then we shouldn't even do this surgery. Cristina: Fine. Derek: What is your problem? I'm your boss. What's the matter... Cristina (interrupts): No you're not my boss right now. We're in an elevator. That's your specialty right? McDreamy moments in elevators. Derek (warningly): Dr. Yang. Cristina: You know just for a moment, I'm not Dr. Yang and you're not Dr. Shepherd. You're the guy who screwed up my friend. The guy who drove her to get a dog she can't keep. The dog she only got because her boyfriend lied to her about his wife. Derek (interrupts): I never lied to her! Cristina: You know what I know a liar when I see one because I'm a liar. Fine you want me to lie to the patient. I'll lie. (The doors ding open and she leaves) (Alex walks back to the Yumi's exam room with a translator. He looks in the room but it's empty) Alex: Yumi? (He walks out and to the closest nurses' station) Alex: Hey, the translator is here. Where's the patient Miyazaki? Nurse: She left with her friend about 20 minutes ago. Alex: She wasn't discharged. Nurse: Sorry, we're short staffed. I assumed someone else had done the paperwork. (She leaves) Alex: Damn it. (Rick is in a hallway banging against a vending machine) Rick: Come on. Damn it. Uh! Uh. (Cristina walks down the hall and rushes up to him) Cristina: What are you doing out of bed? Rick: I gotta get a candy bar, man. Cristina: Uh, you're on morphine. You're about to have surgery and you can't eat. Mr. Freeark, please. (She tries to move him down the hall) Rick: My Dad's Mr. Freeark. He's gotta a comb over and ah, and an annoying wife named Kimberley so- Cristina (interrupts): Rick. Listen. Earlier I was out of line. Rick: No you got me to think. I don't want to be a guy, sitting in a bar with a stump for a hand. Having a smoke 10 years down the line bragging about how I used to play better than Dave Navarro. Cristina: Yeah, you don't wanna be creepy, bitter guy. Rick: Here's the thing. My last cigarette was this morning. Only, I didn't know it was my last cigarette. (Cristina and Rick are standing outside the hospital where Rick is having what looks like to be a very gratifying cigarette. Derek notices this and walks outside and hits against the glass) Derek (to Cristina): What the hell do you think you're doing? (Cristina has a look on her face that says 'oh sh1t') (OR where a surgery is being performed. Meredith and Cristina are both standing at the edge of the gallery with cups of coffee as all the seats are taken) Cristina: McDreamy's being McDouchey. He's making me stand at the back of the O.R while he re-attaches Rick's fingers. I can't even touch a retractor. I hate him. Meredith: Truth. Did you move in with Burke or not? Cristina (sighs): I told him I moved in with him. I'm keeping my old apartment. (Meredith turns around and gives her a look) Cristina: What? I sleep with Burke every night. My clothes are there. So I still have my apartment, big deal. Meredith: You have to tell him. Cristina: Actually I don't. Meredith: So I'm supposed to go to dinner at your fake apartment with the guy you fake live with? Cristina: Oh, I would never have you over to dinner with Burke. That's weird. Meredith (spins around instantly): This is my point. Stop with the lying. Cristina (whispers accusingly): And you're being honest? That last time you called him McDreamy you were all a-twitter with love. Meredith: We're just friends. Cristina: Uh huh. Meredith: We are. (Infectious Diseases department. George is there with Mrs. Larson talking with an ID resident who is looking through Mrs. Larson's chart) Resident: West Nile virus. Are you kidding me? George: No, look at her. She's feverish. She's much weaker than she was this morning. She could be de-compensating. (Sophie tries to look sickly and coughs) Resident: She's been here for a month, Dr. O'Malley. You seen any mosquitoes in this hospital lately? Sophie: Oh, such a handsome young man ... (The resident gives her a weird look) Those chocolaty eyes ... Resident (tries not to smile): In order to test you Mrs. Larson, we'd have to do a spinal tap. Sophie: Will you be doing it? Resident (tries not to look off put by the idea): Yes, ma'am. Sophie: Well then, call me Sophie. (The ID resident moves to George's position to wheel Sophie's bed down the hallway. George starts walking off) Sophie (calls out): Oh, nice meeting you, Irish! (She waves and George waves back. He walks off looking pretty smug with himself) (Naomi's room, where Meredith is talking to Mrs. Cline. She hands Mrs. Cline a chart) Meredith: So if you'll just sign here, we can go ahead and schedule you for surgery. Naomi: Oh, ok. ... You know you are a gorgeous young woman. Look at you. (She signs the chart) You should smile more. (Meredith fakes a smile and leaves the room. Meredith is outside the room, where she notices Mr. Cline, sitting on a chair out in the hall looking downcast. She walks up to him) Meredith: Mr. Cline. Tom (stands up): Oh, ah ... do me a favor. Meredith: Sure. Rom: Don't tell her you saw me. I'm, I'm not sure that I'm going to go in. She's ... she can be exhausting. Meredith (nods): Yeah, she's...really happy. Tom: You know I thought it was just ... falling in love, the wedding, but I was kinda hoping the honeymoon would be over by now, you know? (Meredith nods) I mean it's not normal, right? (He whispers) Nobody's that happy. (Meredith is walking up to the lab tech guy Jeffery at the lab desk) Meredith: Run another tox screen on Naomi Cline. Jeffery: On whose orders? Meredith: Dr. Burke's, of course. (She ticks the form for the test and pushes it forward to Jeffery) (Izzie is walking up to the on call room. She knocks on the door lightly and enters. Dr. Bailey is lying down on one of the bottom bunks) Izzie: I'm sorry to bother you. The paramedics are on their way in with Yumi Miyazaki. She collapsed at the 'Taste of Seattle' and is vomiting blood. (Bailey looks frustrated and sits up) Bailey: Damn fool, probably tore her esophagus in two by now. (She gets up and murmurs a bit, looking like she's in pain) Izzie: Are you ok? (Bailey takes a moment and then grabs her coat and starts making her way out of the room) Bailey: Complications of Boerhaave's syndrome. Go. Izzie: Pleural effusion, sepsis, shock. (Pre-op ward where Yumi is lying, breathing difficultly on a bed and Alex is checking her vitals. Bailey and Izzie are there as well. Including a few nurses. Mr. Kamaji is watching from outside looking anxious) Alex: Cyanotic with shallow breast sounds. BP is 76 over 42. Tachycardic in the one thirty's. Start her on high flow O2 and give her a second dose of saline. Bailey: Alright, let's get her to the O.R. Izzie: They're ready and waiting. (They're about to start moving Yumi's bed when she grabs Alex's hand pleadingly looking upset as if to say why is this happening? Alex looks down and the looks through the glass wall, shooting daggers at the coach) Alex: The freaking coach should be the one this gurney. Bailey: Let's keep our eyes on the prize Karev. Saving this woman's life. (They start wheeling her out) Alex: I'll meet you guys up there. (Alex starts walking over to the coach. Izzie notices this) Izzie: Me too. (Izzie walks up quickly to Alex) Izzie: Hey, hey. What are you going to do? Punch him out? Alex: Yeah. Izzie: So you're going to kick his ass, get yourself kicked out of the program, before you have to open your board scores which is incase you failed. (Her beeper goes off) God, you're such an idiot. (She walks away) (O.R where Bailey is operating on Yumi. Alex and Izzie are helping and watching) Bailey: Dr. Karev, how do I begin the esophagomyotomy? Alex: Cut proximal and distal to the tear to expose the mucosal defect. Bailey: Correct. Then we'll move to debridement of the defect- (She gasps suddenly) Bailey: Oh! (She backs away quickly from the operating table, dropping the surgical tools and starts breathing in and out quickly) Izzie: Dr. Bailey, those aren't Braxton Hicks contractions. I believe you're in pre-term labor. (Bailey gives her an annoyed look) (Richard is entering the OR all scrubbed up) Richard: Why didn't you call me sooner? (Bailey just shakes her head) Alright, just get out of here. Bailey: I was gonna fashion a gastric patch. Richard: I taught you the procedure. Now leave. (Bailey sighs and leaves) (Meredith is walking up to the blood lab for the results but finds Dr. Burke already there. She walks up slowly to him) Burke: I got paged, Dr. Grey. Jeffery wanted to give me the results to the extensive blood work that I ordered. (He gestures to the forms Meredith filled in) You forged me signature? Meredith: That's really bad, right? Burke: Yeah that's really bad. Naomi is not on drugs. The tests came back negative. Meredith (amazed): They did? Burke: They did. Again. (Meredith shakes her head in disbelief) Next time you forge me signature, let me know. Save me a trip. Meredith: That's it? You're not going to yell and say 'Damn it Grey' and storm out? Burke (smiles): I will if you want me too. Meredith: No. Jeffery (walks up to them with another test): Dr. Burke, here's another one. Her serotonin level is through the roof. Burke: Dr. Grey, you took a detailed history? Meredith: Mmm Hmm. (They start walking down a hallway) Burke: When did Mrs. Cline develop asthma? Meredith: After the first surgery. Why? (Cut to Naomi's room where she is sitting happily on her bed. Tom is standing by her bedside. Burke and Meredith are in there as well) Burke: We found a carcinoid tumor in the lump. Very rare. Almost impossible to diagnose. It masks itself as a bunch of seemingly unrelated symptoms. Adult onset asthma, valve failure... Meredith: An increased level of serotonin in the blood. Burke: Which creates a false sense of euphoria. (Naomi smiles broadly) Tom: So, Naomi is not actually this happy. She just has a tumor? Burke: Exactly. (Meredith nods) Tom: Thank god. Naomi: You people with your tumors. I tell ya, I'm infected with love! (She laughs) Meredith: I'm sorry. Your body is lying to your mind. Naomi: Oh let the lie continue, (to Tom) right baby? Tom (chuckles uncomfortably): How soon can you cure her? Burke: Tomorrow, we can take the tumor out. If all goes well, Naomi goes back to normal. Tom: Alright, thank you both. (Burke and Meredith leave the room and walk into the hallway) Meredith: Thank you for not chewing me out for forging your signature. Burke: Thank you. (Meredith looks confused) I know it was probably you who convinced Cristina. She's very strong but she listens to you. If you told her to move in ... (He smiles briefly) Anyway, thank you. (Burke walks off and Meredith is left looking a little uncomfortable) Meredith: No problem. (OR, Derek is about to start performing surgery on Rick. Cristina is in the OR but watching right from the back) Derek: Now do you have any sensation in your left arm at all? Rick: Nope. (A doctor moves to shield Rick from watching) Actually, could I watch? (The doctor drops the covering so Rick can see) Rick: I wanna see every blood vessel and nerve I'm gonna screw up if I ever smoke again. Not that I'm gonna. Ever again. (He makes eye contact with Cristina) I smoked my last cigarette. (Derek notices this) Derek: Ok, let's get started. (Miss. Larson, Sophie's daughter is talking to Nurse Debbie at a nurse's station) Miss Larson: The nursing home said she never showed up. How exactly is that possible? Debbie: She wouldn't leave. Miss Larson: My mother is old and infirm. You couldn't make her leave? Debbie: Have you met your mother? Miss Larson: Fine. Where is she now? (George who is walking by notices Miss. Larson) George: Oh, hi I'm Dr. O'Malley. She's in the infectious disease service. Miss Larson: Infectious Disease. Since when does she have an infectious disease? George: She doesn't. She just doesn't want to leave. Miss Larson: Ah, she's unbelievable. George (smiles): Yeah she is. ... So is her room ready? I could go get her right now. Miss Larson: They've had the room ready for weeks. George: No, ah not at Sugar Maple. I meant at your house. Miss Larson: I'm sorry? George: The, the pink room ... (realization dawns) at your house. (Miss Larson just gives him a look) (George is entering Sophie's infectious disease room where she's watching television) George: Hi Sophie. (Sophie switches off the TV) Sophie: Irish, what a wonderful surprise! You won't catch my disease will you? George: No, I think I'll be ok... Sophie, your daughter was just here. (Sophie stops smiling instantly and gets teary eyed) Sophie: Nursing homes are for old people. I know I'm elderly. I do know that. ... But if I have to go that place, I'm afraid I'll become old. George (takes her hand and smiles): I don't think that's possible. Sophie (smiles): Oh. George: You know that I, I would keep you here if I could. Sophie: Oh, no darling you can't waste any more time with me. You have to go balls out with the dog. George: Excuse me? Sophie: So she chose an animal over you! So what? Women are fools. That's old news. But life's too short for you to give in, Irish. ... So fight, you fight for what's yours. (George leans down and kisses Sophie's hand and walks to the door) Sophie: Now that my friend is a swagger. (George closes the door and places his hand against the clear glass door. Sophie lifts her hand to return the gesture. George heads off) (Richard is in the O.R operating on Yumi with Izzie and Alex helping) Richard: I'll be closing the peritoneal cavity with zero chromic sutures. (Nurse Debbie knocks on the glass window of the scrubs room holding up a piece of paper) Alex: Chief. (Richard turns around and sees Debbie and then turns back to the operating table) Richard: Let's get back to it. Pull back on that retractor. Give me more suction. I'll need a sponge on a stick. (Debbie enters the O.R) Richard: What's going on? Debbie: I tried but you wouldn't listen. It is now 6.07. The second shift of nurses started at 6. They're not coming in. Richard: Do you have any idea what a sick out would do to this hospital? Debbie: I've already put in the call for temps. (She puts down the paper she was holding on a table nearby) Richard: What's this? Debbie: Official notification. We go on strike in 10 days. (Yumi's post-op room where she is lying on a hospital bed. Alex is writing in her chart and Izzie is checking on her) Alex: You're doing good Yumi. You're doing just fine. (Yumi speaks Japanese) Izzie: We should get the translator back up here. She doesn't understand what's going on. (To Yumi) We'll be back. (They head out of the room where they run to Mr. Kamaji in the hallway) Alex: What the hell are you doing here? Mr. Kamaji: I never would've ... I thought she would be fine. I'm sorry. Alex: Don't tell me. Tell her. Tell her how her career is over because of you. (Alex steps aside so Mr. Kamaji can walk in. Mr. Kamaji walks in slowly and bows deeply in apology and shame. Alex looks back at Izzie who nods. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the envelope Richard gave him. They move away from the door) Izzie (pats Alex on the back): Way better than punching him out. Alex: Hey uh ... can you (he holds out the envelope to Izzie) Izzie (takes the envelope): You want me to open it? Alex: Yeah, yeah you know it's just, I can't. Izzie (she tries to hand it back): I shouldn't, I mean I... Alex (interrupts): Look you already think I'm an idiot. It won't be any great shock. (Izzie sighs and opens the envelope. She pulls out the letter and reads it. She puts the letter in front of Alex) Izzie: Congratulations. (Alex grins at her and looks down at the letter) You are not an idiot. Except when you're being an idiot. (Izzie walks off) (Cristina is checking on Rick's fingers in his patient room. She walks out the room where she runs into Derek) Derek: How's he doing? Cristina: Ah jonesing for a cigarette but I'll think he'll make it to the end of the day. Derek: Good. ... I was being nice to her. Cristina: Ok. Derek: I can be nice without being ... (he gestures) Cristina (disbelieving): McDreamy, I know. Derek: I really can. Cristina (still disbelieving): Ok. Derek: Ok then. (He walks into the room) (A nurse is pushing Dr. Bailey dressed to go home in a wheelchair down a hallway. Addison is walking beside her and they are being followed the 'gang' Cristina, Izzie, Meredith, Alex and George) Addison: Bed rest at home until the baby comes. You do know what bed rest is don't you Miranda? Bailey: Yeah hell. (She's being wheeled backwards into an elevator) Izzie: Hell with TV and books. (She hands Bailey a present) Here it's from all of us. (Bailey takes it grudgingly. They all smile at her from outside the elevator. They elevator doors begin to close, but Bailey stops it with her foot) Bailey: I may be 47 months pregnant (The group looks apprehensive as they were about to walk off. Addison has already walked off) I may be on bed rest. I may not be able to see my own feet but I am Dr. Bailey. I hear everything. I know everything. I'm watching each and every one of you. And I will return. (The doors close) (Richard is wiping the OR board clean himself. Burke is standing near the stairs watching him. Derek walks up to Burke) Derek: Strike? Burke: Strike. Richard (turns around): You are all a bunch of arrogant surgeons. (He walks off. Burke and Derek exchange looks) (Cristina walks into an empty gallery except for Meredith who is on her mobile) Cristina: Hey. Meredith: Hey. (She hangs up) That was Izzie. She refuses to take the dog home. Cristina: Mmm Hmm. (She sighs and sits down in front of Meredith) Fine, if you want me to tell Burke I didn't move in I'll tell him. Meredith: No don't. Cristina: What? Meredith: Don't tell him. At least not right now or tonight. (Cristina sighs in relief) I just mean wait. It can wait. (Cristina nods) I lied about Derek. We're not just friends. I mean, I'm not. He's still McDreamy. (Cristina stands up and rubs Meredith's arm comfortingly) Cristina: I know. (She walks out of the gallery) (Intern locker room, there is a notice board showing a flyer for Doc. George walks in and sees Doc lying down on the floor. In fact there are a lot of fliers advertising Doc. Meredith is sitting dressed to go home in front of her locker. George sits down next to her) George: You don't get to choose. Meredith: Huh? George: I know you've been going through a bad time. I know you miss Shepherd. And I know that your life has admittedly been pretty unpleasant these days. You get points for breathing in and out. You get to be a little selfish. But you don't get to choose a dog over me. ... I'm George. I sleep down the hall from you. I buy your tampons. I have ... held your hand every time you've asked. I've earned the right to be seen. To be respected. To not have you think of me as less than a dog that you got at the pound. ...So, I'm not moving out. Whether you like it or not, I'm staying. (Meredith just looks at him) MVO: No matter how hard we try to ignore it or deny it. Eventually the lies fall away. (Cristina is sitting up-right looking hesitant on Burke's bed. She sighs and lies down next to Burke who wraps his arms around her) Burke: I'm glad you moved in. Cristina: So am I. MVO: Whether we like it or not. (Izzie, Meredith and George are exiting out of Meredith's Jeep. Izzie hands George some Doc's toys while Meredith gets Doc out from the back) Meredith: Ok, Doc. Let's go. (They're in front of Derek's trailer. Derek and Addison out and meet them. Meredith looks upset) Derek: Hey Doc. Hey buddy. Welcome home. Addison: Hey. He's beautiful. (They start patting Doc) Izzie: I brought his toys. George: And his food and water. Meredith: Here. (Meredith hands the leash over to Addison) Meredith: Thanks for doing this. I know it's a lot to ask. Addison: It's all right. It's just a dog, right? Come on Doc. (She walks away and takes Doc into the trailer) Izzie (to Meredith): Ah, we'll just wait by the car. Meredith: Ok. (George and Izzie walk back to the car) So he ah chews everything. So don't leave anything out. (Derek nods) He hates cats and small little yappy dogs. Oh (she shakes her head) not house broken. Derek: Oh! Meredith: Probably should've told you that. Derek: Yeah. (They stare at each other for a bit) Meredith: You don't have to do this you know? Derek (nods): What I got, I got all this land. It's just going to waste. (Meredith nods) Meredith: Derek. Derek: It's just a dog. It doesn't mean anything. He'll be a fine. (Meredith forces a smile) Meredith: Yeah. Ok. Goodnight. Derek: Goodnight. (Meredith turns back towards her car) MVO: But here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. (Derek looks on after her for a bit and then heads back into the trailer) MVO: So we lie.
doc_213	Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Sunnydale High School at night. A man in a suit with a briefcase is walking past a school building at a brisk, determined pace. He stops for a moment and looks around. Behind him to his left a door opens, and a school custodian comes out with a trashcan. Custodian: Can I help you? Philip: Rupert Giles! I need to see him! Custodian: Mr. Giles, uh, he's our librarian. Next building over, first door on your left. Philip rushes off without a word of thanks. Custodian: (sarcastically) You're welcome. (dumps the trash) Philip continues at his brisk pace and finds the outside library door. He continues toward it, but stops in his tracks when he hears a twig being crushed behind him and turns to look. He hears a moan, but sees nothing and checks the other way again. Behind him he hears breathing and turns back again, and sees a woman in the shadows. Philip: Oh, God! Slowly she walks into the light. She is dead and rotting. Her eyes flash yellow briefly. Philip: Diedre? Diedre: Philip. Philip quickly backs up and doesn't see the curb behind him. He trips over it and falls, dropping his briefcase. He scrambles to his feet and runs to the library door. He pounds on it and yanks at the doorknob, but it's locked. Philip: Help! Help! Somebody, please! Diedre slowly advances on him. Philip: (to himself) God, no! (loud) Help! Cut inside. Buffy is doing step aerobics to a techno beat. Giles is sitting at the table with his hands to his ears, not relishing the music. He raises his head. Giles: (loudly over the music) Must we have this noise during your calisthenics? Buffy: It's not noise! It's music! Giles: I know music. Music has notes. This is noise. Buffy: I'm aerobicising! I must have a beat! Giles: (under the music) Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears. Cut outside. Philip is still pounding on the door. Philip: Help! Help! Please! Diedre continues to advance on him. Philip: Help me, somebody, please! Diedre has closed the gap. Philip turns to face her with horror in his eyes. She puts her hands up to the door on either side of him to prevent his escape. He trembles with fear as she moves her hands onto his neck and begins to choke him. Cut inside. Buffy has finished her aerobics. She strolls to the table and turns off her boom box. Giles: Ahhh! Very good. And the rest is silence. Cut outside. Philip falls from Diedre's grip, dead. A moment later Diedre collapses next to him. After she hits the pavement she disintegrates into a puddle of slime. The puddle spreads out and into Philip. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ A nightmare. Giles is flashing back to his youth. He has visions of rituals and tattooing. Young Giles: Time to go to sleep! (screams) A vision of a demon. Cut to Giles' bedroom. He wakes with a start. He looks around as he sits up in bed, concerned but relieved to find it was only a nightmare. Cut to school. The camera pans down from above a tree to Buffy and Willow sitting on a bench. Buffy: I'm on a beach, but not one of those American beaches, one of those island beaches where the water's way too blue, and I'm laying on my towel, and it's just before sunset, and Gavin Rossdale's massaging my feet! Willow: Oh, that's good! Uh, I'm in Florence, Italy, I've rented a scooter that's parked outside, and I'm in a little restaurant eating ziti, and there are no more tables left, so they have to seat this guy with me, and it's John Cusack! Buffy: Ooo! Very impressive. You have such an eye for detail. Willow: 'Cause with the ziti! Xander: (shows up) What are you two up to? Buffy: Just having a quick game of 'Anywhere But Here'. Xander: Ooohhh. Amy Yip at the waterslide park. Willow: You never come up with anything new. Xander: I'm just not fickle like you two, okay? I'm constant in my affections. Amy Yip at the waterslide park! Willow: (to Buffy) Do you think Giles ever played 'Anywhere But Here' when he was in school? They see him coming toward them. Xander: Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there are only twelve grades. Buffy: He probably sat in math class thinking, 'There should be more math. This could be mathier.' Willow: C'mon, you don't think he ever got restless as a kid? Buffy: Are you kidding? His diapers were tweed. Xander chuckles. Buffy sees Giles about to walk by and calls out to him. Buffy: Giles! Giles: (turns and sees them) Oh! There you are. (comes over) Buffy: Hey, morning. Say, is that tweed? (stares at his jacket) Giles: (preoccupied) What? Oh, uh, yes. Um, now, uh, look, tonight is very important, um... (heads inside) Buffy: (follows) Now, that's a surprise. Cut to the halls. They follow Giles to the library. Buffy: So, what's on tap tonight that's so important? Uprising, prophesied ritual, preordained deathfest? Xander: Ah, the old standards! Giles: Um, a medical transport is delivering the monthly supply of blood to the hospital. Buffy: Mm. Vampire Meals-On-Wheels. (stops at her locker) Giles: Hopefully not. Uh, we'll meet outside the hospital at 8:30 sharp. I'll bring the weaponry. Buffy: I'll bring the party mix! Giles: Just don't be late. Buffy: Have I ever let you down? Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare? Jenny: (finds them) Morning, England. Giles: Oh, hello, Ms., uh, uh, tuh, Jenny. Willow: (to Xander, smiling) Feel the passion! Xander: (smiles back) Mm-hm! Jenny: Willow... Willow: (coughs) Coughing, not speaking. (coughs more) Jenny: (to Willow) We still on for tomorrow? Willow smiles and nods. Xander: What's tomorrow? Jenny: I'm reviewing some computer basics for the couple of students who've fallen behind. Willow's helping out for extra credit. Xander: (chuckles) Those poor schlubs have to attend school on Saturday! (smiles) Jenny: 9am okay with you, Xander? Xander's smile fades. Willow bobs her head in amusement. Buffy: Got a bit of schlub on your shoe there. Xander: Heh, heh. Jenny: Well, Cordelia's gonna meet us. Xander: (dripping with sarcasm) Ooo, gang, did ya hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery, and it's my best day ever! Jenny: (to Giles) Walk me to class? Giles: (a smile on his face) Pleasure. Jenny and Giles head for her class. The others watch them go. Buffy: Look at them. Xander: A twosome of cuteness. Willow: Can't you just imagine them getting together? Their expressions all change to ones of being grossed out. Cut to Giles and Jenny walking. Jenny: Oh! Thank you so much for loaning me the Forrester book. It's wonderful! Giles: Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Jenny: Yeah, it was so romantic, so evocative. Giles: That edition was my father's. I, I, I must've read it... twenty times. Jenny: Yeah, y'know how you have to, to dog-ear your favorite pages so you can go back to them? Giles: Uh, uh, uh, what? Jenny: Well, I mean, I-I practically had to fold back every single page. So finally I just, I just started underlining all the pages I really wanted to discuss. Giles: U-u-underlined...? Jenny: But then, of course, I spilled coffee all over it, I can't even read it... Giles: (can't believe it) It's a first edition! Jenny: I'm lying, Rupert. (smiles) The book's fine. (holds it up) I just love to see you squirm. (hands him the book) Giles: (smiles in relief) Yes, well, I, uh... trust I gave good... squirm. Jenny: Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a fuddy-duddy? Giles: Nobody ever seems to tell me anything else. Jenny: Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a sexy fuddy-duddy? Giles: Well, no. Actually that, that part usually gets left out. (smiles) I c-can't imagine why. Jenny: This weekend. Giles: Would you like to go out? Jenny: Mm, no, I think I'd like to stay in. They draw together for a kiss as the bell rings. They touch lips, but break it off as students begin pouring into the halls. Giles: Uh, this, (clears his throat) Saturday, then. Jenny: Saturday night. (clears her throat) I'll see if I can make you squirm. They look at each other for a moment before Giles heads off to his library. Cut to the library. Giles walks in to discover a detective and two police officers there. Det. Winslow: Rupert Giles? Giles: Yes? Det. Winslow: Detective Winslow. You're gonna have to come with me. Giles: Why? Det. Winslow: There was a homicide on campus last night. The victim had no identification, but he was carrying this slip of paper with your name and address on it. (holds up the slip in a baggie) Giles: (sets down his briefcase) My name? Cordelia walks into the library. Cordelia: Well, evil just compounds evil, doesn't it? First I'm sentenced to a computer tutorial on Saturday, now I have to read some computer book... There are books on computers? Isn't the point of computers to replace books? Giles: (cuts her off) Cordelia, I'm a little busy right now. (points out the detective) Cordelia: Oh! Great! (steps up to Det. Winslow) Can you help me with a ticket? It's totally bogus. It was a one-way street. I was going one way. Giles: (raised voice) Cordelia! Cordelia: What?! Why does everyone always yell my name? I'm not deaf! And I can take a hint. (unsure) What's the hint? Giles: To come back later. Cordelia: Yeah, when you've visited decaf land. (leaves) Giles: (to Det. Winslow) Where do you want me to go? Cut to the city morgue. The coroner opens one of the body storage doors and pulls out the drawer. Attendant: Have you had your breakfast? Giles: No. Attendant: That was probably a good idea. He pulls back the sheet to reveal Philip's body. It's bruised all over, with two especially dark bruises on the throat. Giles looks down at him in recognition. Det. Winslow: Do you know him? Giles: (whispers) Yes. Yes. I-I mean, I did. His name's Philip Henry. He was a friend of mine in London. I... I haven't spoken to him in twenty years. Det. Winslow: Can you think of any reason why he might've wanted to contact you? Giles: No. He sees the tattoo on Philip's right arm near the inside elbow. Det. Winslow: Do you know what that is? The tattoo. Giles: (lies) No. No, I don't. Cut to the hospital ER entrance that night. Buffy is waiting on Giles. Buffy: (exhales) 'Don't be late.' Sheesh. She walks over to a pay phone to try calling, but stops when she sees the blood van pull up. The driver gets out with his clipboard as two ER doctors come out to meet him. Driver: Hey, fellas. Doctor: Hey. Buffy: All's well that ends with cute ER doctors, I always say. She watches them go to the back of the van and get out the insulated container. They start back with the driver, and he gets back into the van. Buffy realizes something's wrong. Buffy: Since when do doctors take deliveries? The van backs out of the ambulance slot. The doctors wave to the driver. Doctor: See ya. The van drives off, and behind it a car engine starts and a pair of headlights come on. The old convertible pulls up into the light as the doctors set the container down. One of them opens the lid, takes out a bag of blood and begins to suck on it. The driver of the car gets out. Driver: Hey! No sampling the product! The doctor vampire hisses, but puts the bag back down and drops the lid closed. Buffy runs to attack. She kicks the first doctor vampire down, then the second, and does a roundhouse kick to the driver's face. The first one gets up, and she tries kicking him again, but he grabs her leg and throws her onto the hood of the car. She scissor kicks him in the neck, and he staggers away and falls. A fourth vampire runs up as Buffy gets up and takes out a stake. She turns to attack him. Buffy: Angel! Angel: Buffy! Look out! He jumps up onto the car's hood and leaps off to tackle the driver vampire coming at her from behind. Angel punches him in the face, but he stays up. The second vampire jumps up onto the hood and swings at Buffy. She ducks the punch and jabs him in the chest. The first vampire jumps up on the hood, too, and Buffy knocks him back off with a punch to the face. She punches the second one in the face, too, and he falls down on the hood on his back. She jumps off of the car and thrusts her stake into the first vampire as he tries to get back up. The second one is off the car again and grabs her by the shirt from behind. She swings around with the stake and gets him in the chest also. Angel, in the mean time, roundhouse kicks the driver and sends him spinning into the car. The vampire quickly sits up in the driver's seat and floors it as Angel tries to chase him. The car races off, leaving Angel and the blood behind. Buffy opens the lid to check on it. Buffy: How did you know about this? Angel: It's delivery day. Everybody knows about this. They only ruined one bag. Buffy stands up and looks after the car, which is long gone. Angel kicks the lid back closed. Buffy: Do you think you could make sure the hospital gets the rest? She realizes whom she's just asked to do that and raises her eyebrows at him. Angel just nods, not insulted by the query. Buffy: Thanks. I'm worried about Giles. He was supposed to meet me here. Angel: Maybe he's late. Buffy: Giles? Who counts tardiness as, like, the eighth deadly sin? Angel: Right. Go. She gives him a final look and hurries off. Cut to Giles' apartment building. Buffy walks to his door and knocks. Giles opens the viewport and looks out at her, then opens the door. Giles: Buffy. I-it's late. Uh, are you alright? Buffy: I was gonna ask you the same thing. Giles: Yes, I'm fine, fine. Look, I'm, uh, I'm rather busy a-at the moment, so, uh, I'll see you on Monday at, at school. He starts to close the door. Buffy holds it open with her hand. Buffy: Giles, did you forget? The hospital, vampires, handy carryout packets of blood? Giles: Oh! Yes, uh, are you alright? W-were you hurt? Buffy: No. I mean, my feelings a little. What's wrong? Giles: Nothing, nothing, nothing's wrong. I-I'm just in the, uh, middle of something extremely important, and, uh, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to say good night now. He closes the door in her face, leaving her confused and taken aback. She can hear Giles on the phone, but leaves him alone to his work. Cut inside. Giles: Yes, I'm, I'm sorry to disturb you. It's, uh... I-I realize it's, uh, five in the morning there, um... Uh, I-I'm trying to reach Diedre Page. My name is Rupert Giles, uh, uh, she knows me. It's, it's very important. (listens to the bad news) I'm terribly sorry. I... I-I didn't know. W-when did she, uh, pass away? (listens more) Ohhhh. That recently. (sits at his desk) Um, yes, yes, um, we were friends when we were young. My condolences. He hangs up the phone and stares off into space with his fingers to his lips while he considers and remembers. He takes off his glasses and reaches for his drink. The bottle next to it is in almost half empty already. He gulps the rest from the glass and sets it back down. He thinks another moment before grabbing his pen and crossing Diedre's name off of a list of five names: Thomas Sutcliff, Philip Henry, Diedre Page, Ethan Rayne, Rupert Giles. He gets up and goes into his bathroom to the sink in front of the mirror. He rolls up his sleeves, and on his left arm just above the inside elbow is the same tattoo that Philip had. He reaches into the sink full of water, cups his hands and splashes some on his face. He looks up at himself in the mirror. Giles: So. You're back. Cut to the city morgue. The camera slowly closes on the body storage drawers. Cut inside Philip's drawer. He reaches up and pulls the sheet off of his face. His eyes glow yellow. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The city morgue. The morgue attendant is going through some paperwork and checking on bodies. He opens one storage bay, checks the toe tag, and closes it. He does the same for the next one. Then he opens Philip's, and discovers him missing. Suddenly a body bag comes down over his head. He tries to struggle, but Philip is too strong for him. Philip forces him into the storage bay and slams the door shut. He slowly starts to make his way out of the morgue. Cut to the hall at Sunnydale High. Jenny, Xander, Willow and Cordelia head for the computer classroom. Cordelia: This isn't right. School on a Saturday. It throws off my internal clock. Xander: When are we gonna need computers for real life anyway? Jenny: Hmm, let's see. There's home, school, work, games... (unlocks the classroom door) Xander: Y'know, computers are on the way out. I think paper's gonna make a big comeback. Willow: And the abacus. Xander: Yeah, you know, you don't see enough abaci. They all go into the room. Willow, Xander and Cordelia each take a seat in front of a PC. Cordelia takes the one next to Xander. Jenny: Alright, guys. The first thing we're gonna do is... Buffy! Buffy follows Jenny into the room. Xander: Huh? Did I fall asleep already? Willow: Aw, you miss your friends? Xander: Uh, sit here, Buffs! (stands up) Demilitarize the zone between me and Cordelia! Cordelia: Yeah, and delouse him while you're at it. Buffy: (to Jenny) Actually I wanted to talk to you for a second? Jenny: Something wrong? Xander: Is there some crisis that requires instant action? Very far from here? Buffy: It's Giles. Jenny: Well, he's alright, isn't he? Buffy: I don't know. Uh, he didn't show up when he was supposed to last night, and then, when I went over to his place, he was acting... well, very anti-Giles. He wouldn't let me in, and he looked really bad. I-I think he might've been... (doesn't want to believe it) I think he was drinking. Jenny: He was home alone drinking? Willow: But... tea, right? Buffy: Wasn't tea, Will. Xander: Yep, yep, I knew this would happen. Nobody can be wound as straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. My Uncle Roary was the stodgiest taxidermist you've ever met by day. By night, it was booze, whores, and fur flying. Were there whores? Buffy: He was alone. Xander: Give it time. Buffy: So, none of you guys have noticed anything different lately? Willow: No! Jenny: Not really. Buffy: Uh, you haven't seen anything weird? Xander: Nope. Cordelia: No, he seemed perfectly normal yesterday when I saw him talking to the police. Everyone stares at her. Buffy: And you waited till now to tell us this because...? Cordelia: I didn't think it was important. Xander: We understand. It wasn't about you. Jenny: Well, what were the police talking to him about? Cordelia: Oh, don't tell me, I know this one. Um... (thinks) Something about... a homicide. Buffy: That's it. I-I'm calling him right now. She goes to find a phone. Jenny rubs her head with worry. Cut to the library. Buffy heads for Giles' office when she hears something in the stacks and stops in her tracks to look. She sees a shadow move across one of the bookcases in the anteroom. She goes up the stairs and through the French doors. Slowly she walks down the main aisle, looking around and down each side aisle. As she passes one a man watches her search. Buffy keeps looking. He sees her through a gap in the books and puts his hands against the bookcase to push it over onto her. She looks up and sees it's Ethan, and dashes away just in time to avoid being crushed under the bookcase. Ethan tries to make his escape, but he's limping heavily and can't run. She grabs him by the arm and turns him around. Buffy: I know you! You were in that costume shop. Ethan: Oh, I'm pleased you remember. (tries to go) Buffy: (stops him) You sold me that dress for Halloween, and nearly got us all killed! Ethan: But you looked great. She punches him squarely in the jaw. Ethan: Owww! (straightens back up holding his jaw) So now we're even? Buffy: I'll let you know when we're even. What're you doing here? Ethan: Snooping around. Buffy: Honesty. Nice touch. Ethan: It's one of my virtues. (smiles) Not really. Buffy: I've got a great idea: why don't I just call the police and have you arrested for breaking and entering, and then I can get back to my fun Saturday? Ethan: Yes, the police. Well, they'll have all those questions, and they'll really need Rupert to answer them all. Buffy: You know Giles. Ethan: We go back. Way back. You don't happen to know where he is, do you? Cut to Giles' nightmare. The tattoo on his arm. Visions of a demon, of Diedre in her rotted state, of eyes glowing yellow. His phone rings. Cut to his apartment. He stirs at his desk and fumbles with the phone, managing to pick up the receiver. Giles: Hello. Buffy: (cut to her) Giles, it's me. Giles: (cut to him) (exhales) Buffy, u-unless this is an emergency, I'll see you on Monday. Buffy: (cut to her) What's the Mark of Eyghon? Cut to Giles. He is surprised to hear those words from her. Cut to the library. Buffy: Giles? Ethan: Cat got his tongue? Buffy: I'm in your office with someone who claims to be an old friend of yours. (cut to Giles) Ethan Rayne? Giles: He's there with you? Listen, Buffy, you're... you're in grave danger while Ethan's there. I want you to (cut to Buffy) put the phone down and get out of the library as soon as possible. Buffy: I'm not going anywhere until you give me some answers! Philip comes crashing through a window in Giles' office. Ethan steps behind Buffy and holds her in front of him. Giles: Buffy? Cut to Giles' apartment. He grabs his glasses and runs from his apartment. Cut to the library. Philip comes out of Giles' office and straight for Buffy. She kicks him in the chest and rolls over the counter. He comes through the door and at her again. Ethan climbs over the counter, too. Philip: Ethan! Xander comes in, followed by the others. Buffy: Don't let him get away! Xander pushes Ethan up against the counter, but gets pushed aside. The doors are held wide open by the women, and Ethan tries to make his escape past them, but Cordelia knees him in the crotch and he collapses. Buffy looks around for what to do with Philip and spots the open cage door. She backs toward it, then turns and makes like she's running in. Philip hurries to follow, but she sidesteps the door and kicks him into the cage as he runs by. She slams the door shut and locks it. Ethan is still lying in pain on the floor. Dissolve to later. Ethan is sitting in a chair at the table being watched by Buffy. The others observe Philip. Willow has seen enough and goes over to Buffy. Willow: I'm not gonna get close enough to feel his pulse, but... he looks dead. Xander: Except for the walking and attacking Buffy part. Ethan: He's dead. Sorry, Philip. Really I am. Giles barges into the library. Giles: Is everyone alright? Cordelia: Super! (proud of herself) I kicked a guy! Jenny: We're okay. Xander: Deadguy here interrupted our tutorial. (to Philip) Been meaning to thank you for that. Philip jumps at him, and Xander backs off. Giles walks over to have a look at Philip. Giles: It can't be! Ethan: Yes, it can. (Giles turns to him) Hello, Ripper. Giles: I thought I told you to leave town. Ethan: You did. I didn't. (Giles approaches him) Shop's lease is paid till the end of the month. Cordelia: (to Xander) Uh, why did he call him Ripper? Giles grabs Ethan by the hair on the back of his neck and lifts him out of his chair. Giles: You should've left when I told you. Cordelia: Ohhhh... Buffy: Giles?! Giles: You put these people in danger. The people I care about. Ethan: If you cared so much about them, why didn't you leave town? (pushes Giles' arm away) You've been having the dreams, I know. I have. We both know what's coming. Buffy: What dreams?! What is going on here?! Ethan: Tell her, Ripper. Buffy: Giles... Philip breaks the cage door and throws it open into Jenny, knocking her out. Xander quickly moves away and pushes Cordelia with him. Giles: JENNY! He scrambles to her aid. Buffy gets between Ethan and Philip and kicks him in the chest three times, forcing him back against the cage. He slides down to the floor, but gets back up and comes for Buffy again. Before he can reach her, his eyes go wide, he begins to convulse and he collapses to the floor next to Jenny. He disintegrates into a puddle of slime. It begins to spread out. Everyone stares. Willow: Now, there's something you don't see everyday. Cordelia: I'm gonna be in therapy till I'm thirty. Buffy: (looks around) Where's Ethan? (runs off) Where'd he go? The slime oozes its way to Jenny, and her hand stirs when it makes contact. She regains consciousness, and Giles helps her sit up. Giles: Are you alright, Jenny? Jenny: Ow! (cradles her head in her hand) Giles: Careful! Jenny: Ohhh... Giles: Can you stand? (helps her up) Jenny: I think so. Cordelia: This is what happens when you have school on Saturday. Xander gives her a look. Jenny: (unsteady) Mm. Giles: Lean on me. (pulls her close) It'll be alright. Jenny: (pulls away to look at him) Promise? Giles: I promise. Jenny: I believe you. She closes her eyes and leans on his shoulder, hugging him close. When she opens her eyes again they glow yellow like cat's eyes. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Giles is at the table stroking Jenny's hair as she rests her head against her hand. Buffy comes striding back into the library. Giles: How's your head? Jenny: Throbbing. Buffy: I lost Ethan. Giles, what's going on? Giles: It's complicated, Buffy, and quite frankly, it's private. Buffy: I don't care from private! I care from dead guys attacking us. I care from you lost weekending in your apartment. Giles: I wasn't... I was just trying to find a solution. Buffy: Giles, share! What is the Mark of Eyghon? Giles: Hey! (stares her down) This is not your battle! And as your Watcher, (stands up) I'm telling you unequivocally to stay out of it! Buffy can't believe what she's hearing. Giles: I have to get Jenny home. (helps her up) Jenny: Mm. Thank you. She rests her head on his shoulder as the two of them walk from the library. Buffy goes over to the others sitting and leaning on the counter. Buffy: We have work to do. Will, I want you to find out anything and everything you can about the Mark of Eyghon. Willow: I'll try the 'Net, but 'Mark of Eyghon' sounds like Giles and his books sorta deal. Buffy: Then we hit the books. Willow heads up into the stacks. Buffy: Xander, how do you feel about digging through some of Giles' personal files and seeing what you can find? Xander: I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath? Nah. (heads for the office) Cordelia hops off of the counter and smiles at Buffy. Buffy: (raises her brows) What? Cordelia: What about me? I care about Giles. Buffy: (thinks) Uh, work with Xander. Cordelia: Well, when I say 'care', I, I mean... Buffy: Cordelia... Cordelia: Okay, okay! (walks to the office) Buffy goes to do what she can to help, too. Cut to Giles' apartment building. Jenny: Thanks for bringing me here. (cut inside the apartment) Not quite ready to be home alone just yet. She accepts a drink from Giles. He walks around the couch and sits down next to her. She takes a sip of the drink. Jenny: Ooo! Giles: Jenny, uh... I'm so very sorry about all of this. (sets down his drink and takes off his glasses) I, uh... I never meant for you to be involved in, in, uh, any of this. Jenny: So I got involved. (leans forward) That's what happens when two people get involved. Giles looks at her and smiles. He starts to make a move in to kiss her, but stops himself. Giles: I really am, however, gonna have to get you home. It's not, uh... I'm not a very safe person to be around at the moment. Jenny: Nothing's safe in this world, Rupert. Don't you know that by now? She reaches up and strokes his head behind his ear. Cut to the library. Willow has found something. Willow: Ah! Aha! It's not Egyptian, it's Etruscan (goes over to Buffy with her book) mistaken for Egyptian by the design pattern, but any fool can see it predates their iconology. Look, the Mark of Eyghon, worn by his initiates. (reads) 'Eyghon, also called the Sleepwalker, can only exist in this reality by possessing an unconscious host. Temporary possession imbues the host with a euphoric feeling of power.' Buffy: Yeah, but what about non-temporary? Willow: (reads) 'Unless the proper rituals are observed, the possession is permanent, and Eyghon will be born from within the host.' Cordelia: I'm guessing eww! Willow: Wait. Hey, listen. 'Once called, Eyghon can also take possession of the dead, but its demonic energy soon disintegrates the host, and it must jump to the nearest dead or unconscious person to continue living.' Buffy: I still don't get what this has to do with Giles. Willow: I don't know about Giles, but ancient sects used to induce possession for bacchanals and, and orgies. Xander: Okay! Giles and orgies in the same sentence. I coulda lived without that one. Cordelia could've lived without Xander's comment. Buffy: Uh, wait a minute. The dead guy's all puddly now. Cordelia: So the demon's gone. There was no one dead to jump into. I mean, we're all not dead, right? Buffy: No, no one dead. Xander: But someone unconscious. They realize what happened. Cut to Giles' apartment. Jenny yanks the phone cord from the wall. Giles: What was that? Jenny: What was what? Giles: I thought I heard something. (comes out of the kitchen with tea) Jenny: I didn't. Giles: Here. (hands her a cup) Drink that, and then I'll drive you home. Jenny: (takes a sip) You could take me home. (sets the cup down) Or you could take advantage of me in my weakened state. Cut to the library. Buffy is on the phone. Buffy: Thank you, operator. (hangs up) There's no answer at Ms. Calendar's, and Giles' phone is out of order. I'm gonna go over there. (strides out) Cut to Giles' apartment. Giles: Jenny, uh... (moves away) I'm, I'm really very attracted t-to you. Jenny: Good. (follows) Giles: But, um, now really isn't the right time. (faces her) Jenny: Oh, there's never been a better time. She pushed him back onto a chair, climbs onto his lap and kisses him hard. He pushes her away. Giles: It's not right. I would be taking advantage. Jenny: (gets off) God, you just don't change, do you? (paces) Giles: What? Jenny: It's not right, it wouldn't be proper, people might get hurt. You're like a woman, Ripper. You cry at every funeral. You never had the strength for me. You don't deserve me. (whispers) But guess what? You've got me. (takes his head) (in a deep male voice) Under your skin. She grabs his hair and lifts him to his feet. She kisses him roughly. When she pulls back her face has started the transformation to Eyghon. Jenny/Eyghon: Was it good for you? She smashes his head into the phone on the desk. Jenny/Eyghon: Aw, you never had the stomach. But that's okay. 'Cause I'm about to rip it out! She pulls him back, and he cries out as he staggers backward into the bar and stumbles to the floor. Buffy kicks open the door and kicks Jenny/Eyghon hard in the jaw, sending her back over the couch and onto the floor. She gets up again and walks around the couch, eyeing Buffy. Buffy: Back off! Jenny/Eyghon: (stops and laughs) Three down, two to go. Be seeing ya. She runs and dives through the window. Buffy crouches down beside Giles. Buffy: Are you alright? Giles: Oh, Jenny! Oh, God! Buffy: Giles, how do we stop this? Giles: Oh, God, what have I done? Buffy: Talk to me! Giles, you're scaring me. Giles: I'm sorry. Buffy: Don't be sorry, be Giles. C'mon, we fight monsters. This is what we do. They show up, they scare us, I beat 'em up and they go away. This isn't any different! Giles: It is different. Buffy: Because you don't know how to stop it? Giles: Because I created it! Cut to the library. Xander comes out of Giles' office. Willow: Did you find anything? Xander: The most meticulous banking and phone records you've ever seen. And, um, this. He hands her a picture of a young Giles in a leather jacket playing an electric bass. Willow: (giggles) That's Giles? Cut to Giles' apartment. Giles: I was twenty-one, studying history at Oxford. And, of course, the occult by night. I hated it. The tedious grind of study, the... overwhelming pressure of my destiny. I dropped out, I went to London... (exhales) I fell in with the worst crowd that would have me. We practiced magicks. Small stuff for pleasure or gain. And Ethan and I discovered something... bigger. Buffy: Eyghon. Giles: Yes. One of us would, um... (nervously pours a drink) go into a deep sleep, and the others would, uh, summon him. It was an extraordinary high! (smiles nervously) God, we were fools. Buffy: You couldn't control it. Giles: One of us, Randall, he lost control. Eyghon took him whole. We tried to exorcise the demon from Randall, but it killed him. No. We killed him. We thought we were free of the demon after that. But now he's back. And one by one, he will kill us all. Buffy: Three down, two to go? Giles nods. Buffy: Then it's going after Ethan. (gets up) I better beat it there. Giles: (gets up) We'd better. Buffy: I'd better. Giles, you're barely mobile, and speed is of a serious essence here. Giles: (sits back down) I don't know how to stop it without killing Jenny. Buffy: I've got the guys working on it. I'll, um, try to contain it until we figure something. (starts to go) Giles: Buffy? (she stops) I'm sorry. Buffy: I know. (leaves) Cut to the street in front of Ethan's. Cut inside. Buffy opens the door and looks in. Buffy: Ethan? (comes in and closes the door) Ethan? (looks around) Giles told me everything. Look, it's coming for you. Ethan: (appears behind her) And you came to protect me? I'm touched. Buffy: Don't worry, it's nothing personal. To protect Giles I have to protect you. (walks past him) Ethan: How does Ripper inspire such goodness? Buffy: 'Cause he's Giles. Ethan: And I'm not. Still, lucky me. Buffy: Hmm. Lucky you. Ethan: Well, we can't run. Eyghon will find us. (shows his tattoo) This mark's like a homing beacon. Buffy: That's okay. I'm not much into running. Ethan: Aren't we manly? Buffy: One of us is. You're gonna hide till it's over. Ethan: Excellent plan. Buffy: Is there a way in through the back? Ethan: Uh, there's a back door. It's locked. I think it's solid. Buffy: We'll set up there. Let's go. Ethan: Oh, no, please. He indicates she should go first. She heads toward the back as he picks up a mannequin arm and hits her across the back with it, knocking her down and out. Ethan: Ladies first. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Ethan's shop. He's humming while he works. Buffy is lying face down on a table with her arms tied together underneath. She wakes up. Ethan: Wakey, wakey. You're missing all the fun. Buffy: What fun? Ethan: Your initiation. He sets down a tray of tattooing instruments. Buffy: You know what? I'm not real interested in joining your club. Ethan: Too late. I already voted you in. (she struggles) Y'know, I hope you're not taking this personally, Buffy. I actually kinda like you. It's ju, it's just that I like myself a whole lot more. If you think of it karmically, this is, this is really big for your soul. Buffy struggles with the rope. Ethan: You know, taking my place with the demon, giving so that others may live. Buffy: I'm gonna kill you. Will that blow the whole karma thing? Ethan: Sweet child. (takes the tattoo ink and needle) Now, this may sting a little just at first. But don't worry, that'll go away once the searing pain kicks in. Buffy struggles harder. He bends over her to begin. Ethan: You can go ahead and scream if you like. He starts tattooing her on the back of her neck. Cut to the library. Willow, Xander and Cordelia are researching books. Willow: We have to figure out how to kill this thing, and we need to do it fast. (takes a sip of tea) Xander: (reads) Uh, 'hot lava.' Willow: That's for a heretic. Xander: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay. Uh, ooo, ooo! 'Bury a potato!' No, that's for warts. Who writes this stuff? Cordelia: I've got the solution right here. 'To kill a demon cut off its head.' Xander: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah! We'll, uh, find Ms. Calendar, then we'll decapitate her. Hey! She'll be the first headless computer teacher in school. You think anybody'll notice? Cordelia: Do you know what you need, Xander, besides a year's supply of acne cream? A brain. Xander: (Gets up) That's it! Twelve years of you and I'm snappin'! I don't care if you're a girl or not, I'm throwin' down! Come on! Cordelia: (gets up and walks to him) I've seen you fight. And don't think I can't take you! Xander: Give it your best shot. Willow: (had enough, gets up) HEY! We don't have time for this! Our friends are in trouble! Now, we have to put our heads together and, and get them out of it! And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library! (points to the door) Cordelia: (meekly) We're sorry. Xander: We'll be good. Willow: (nods and sits) Okay. Now, we've done the research. We just have to figure out how to use it. Xander: Oh, hey! Why don't we find another dead body for the demon to jump into! Cordelia: Yes! At the cemetery. Willow: Well, that won't kill the demon. It'll only give it a change of scenery. (something clicks) Oh. Oh! Oh, I've got it! (runs for the phone) I've got it! Xander: She's good! (follows) Cordelia smiles and follows also. Cut to Ethan's shop. Ethan has finished Buffy's tattoo. Ethan: Hmm. I think I missed my calling as an artist. Buffy: Ethan, listen to me. This is a bad idea. You're dealing with something very dangerous. Ethan: (rolls up his left sleeve) But it will get Eyghon off my scent. He picks up a bottle of sulfuric acid. Buffy draws a breath in fright, thinking the acid is meant for her. Ethan: Now relax. I'm finished with you. This is for me. Buffy has found an exposed screw on the underside of the table and begins scraping her rope against it. Ethan steels himself for the burn of the acid. He slowly pours it onto his Mark of Eyghon tattoo. Buffy looks at him like he's insane. He does his best not to scream but lets out a few grunts of pain. Buffy keeps scraping the rope on the screw. Cut to Giles' apartment. He's about to leave his apartment when he's caught by a waking nightmare and collapses to the floor, unable to remain standing. He has visions of the Mark of Eyghon and various friends incarnate of Eyghon, and finally of Buffy with her new tattoo. He wakes. Giles: Oh! Ethan... No. No! He quickly gets up, grabs his coat and staggers out the door, still weak and not bothering to close it behind him. Cut to Ethan's. He wraps his arm in a bandage. Ethan: Well, I hate to mutilate and run, but... He and Buffy see a diffuse green light shine through the shop windows and the shadow of Jenny/Eyghon coming to the door. The door opens and Jenny/Eyghon steps in, well on her way to transforming into Eyghon. Jenny/Eyghon: (to Ethan in a deep male voice) It's your time. Buffy is almost through the rope under the table. Jenny/Eyghon steps up to Ethan. He stares at her in fear. She sniffs a few times and realizes he's not the one she's after anymore. She turns to Buffy, and her eyes glow. Jenny/Eyghon shoves Ethan aside just as Buffy gets through the rope. Buffy rolls off of the table and onto the floor as Jenny/Eyghon lunges for her. She kicks up and flips Jenny/Eyghon and the table over and onto the floor. They both get up. Jenny/Eyghon holds the table in her hands and rushes Buffy with it, pushing her into some crates. Giles barges in through the door. Giles: Eyghon! Take me. Jenny/Eyghon tosses the table aside and turns to face Giles. Giles: Buffy, get out of here! Jenny/Eyghon slowly advances on Giles. Buffy: NO! (gets between them) No! Jenny/Eyghon stretches her arm out at Buffy, and she goes flying into a pile of boxes. Jenny/Eyghon grabs Giles by the collar, pulls him around and down to the floor and stands over him. Jenny/Eyghon: I've been waiting a long time to do this. As she bends down to grab Giles Angel runs in through the door, grabs her and pulls her to the crate, banging her head into it. He takes her by the neck and starts to choke her. Willow, Xander and Cordelia run in next. Willow holds Giles back as he gets up. Giles: He's killing her! Willow: No! Trust me! This is gonna work! Angel continues choking Jenny/Eyghon. Xander helps Buffy up. Finally Eyghon has to jump and does so, right into Angel. He drops Jenny as he's thrown back into the wall and begins convulsing. When Jenny hits the floor she is herself again. Willow lets go of Giles, and he immediately gets on his hands and knees next to her. Giles: Jenny! Angel's face twists and contorts as the demons inside of him fight it out. He is thrown to the crate and hits his head. His face goes through a few more contortions when Eyghon suddenly appears, apparently gaining the upper hand. After a moment Angel's face shifts back to normal, then back to Eyghon, then back to normal again. He is thrown back against the wall. Another moment's struggle and the demon inside Angel throws Eyghon out. Without a host body to occupy Eyghon quickly crumbles into ashes. Angel gasps and collapses to the floor. They all run over to his aid. Giles reaches out to Jenny. She shifts to look at him. Giles: Jenny! Jenny: Rupert... Ethan gets up and runs from the shop. Buffy: You knew that if the demon was in trouble it was gonna jump into the nearest dead person. Angel: I put it in danger. Willow: And it jumped. (stands up) Angel: (gets up) I've had a demon inside me for a couple hundred years... (exhales) just waitin' for a good fight. Buffy: Winner and still champion. Xander: Uh, I think that Ethan guy disappeared again. Buffy: Darn. I really wanted to hit him till he bled. Cordelia: Well, at least it's over. Buffy and Angel look over at Jenny and Giles. Jenny clings to Giles as they walk out of the shop. Cut to school the next day. Willow, Xander and Buffy walk across the quad. Buffy: You know what the worst thing is? I was saving up for some very important shoes, and now I have to blow my entire allowance to get this stupid tattoo removed. Let's just hope my mom doesn't see it first. Xander: Puttin' that demon into Angel was pretty brill, Will. Willow: I wasn't sure it was gonna work. Buffy: But it did. Xander: Like a charm. Buffy: Hey! Maybe you should consider a career as a Watcher. Willow: Oh, no, I don't think I could handle the stress. Xander: And the dental plan is crap. Willow: I don't see how Giles does it. They see him walking. Buffy: I don't think he has a choice. Cut to the hall. Jenny walks to the stairs and is about to start up when Giles catches up with her. Giles: Uh, uh, Jenny! Jenny... She stops and turns to face him. Jenny: Rupert, hi. Giles: Uh... I-I-I tried to call you last night, s-see how you were. Jenny: Yeah, I-I-I, uh... I left my phone off the hook. I seem to need a lot of sleep lately. Giles: But, but you're al-alright? Is, is, is there anything you need? Jenny: Mm, no, I'm fine. I mean, I'm not... running around, wind in my hair, 'the hills are alive with the sound of music' fine, but... I'm coping. Giles: I, I would like to help. Jenny: I know. Giles: Perhaps we could, um, talk sometime, um... dinner, or, or a drink? When you're feeling stronger. Buffy sees them talking. Jenny: Sure, sometime. Giles reaches out to her, but she takes a backward step up and away from him and draws a deep breath. Jenny: Yeah. Sometime. (pauses) I better get to class. Giles: Yes, of course. He watches her go up the stairs. When she's gone from sight he looks down sadly, and after a moment starts to go to his library. Buffy catches up to him. Buffy: Hey. They round the corner and stop. Buffy: Is she okay? Giles: Um... The hills are not alive. Buffy: (doesn't understand) I'm sorry to hear that. I think. Giles: I don't think she'll ever really forgive me. Maybe she shouldn't. Buffy: Maybe you should. Giles: I never wanted you to see that side of me. Buffy: I'm not gonna lie to you. It was scary. I'm so used to you being a grownup, and (inhales) then I find out that you're a person. Giles: Most grownups are. Buffy: Who would've thought? Giles: Some are even, uh... shortsighted, foolish people. Buffy: So, after all this time, we finally find out that we do have something in common. Which, apart from being a little weird, is kind of okay. (pauses) I think we're supposed to be training right now. Giles: Yes. Yes. Um, need to concentrate on your flexibility. Buffy: And you know what? I have just the perfect music. (holds up a black CD) Go on, say it. You know you want to. Giles: It's not music, it's just, uh, meaningless sounds. Buffy: There. Feel better? Giles: Yes. Thanks. They head into the next hall toward the library. Giles: Bay City Rollers. Now, that's music.
doc_214	THE TALONS OF WENG-CHIANG BY: ROBERT HOLMES Part One Running time: 24:44 [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: Mister Chang. Wonderful, wonderful. Words fail me, sir. Words quite fail me. CHANG: You are most generous. JAGO: Have I ever, in my thirty years in the halls, seen such a dazzling display of lustrous legerdemain? So many feats of superlative, supernatural skill? The answer must be never, sir. Never. SIN: Honourable master is kind to bestow praise on humble Chang's miserable, unworthy head. JAGO: Dashed clever, the way you work the little fellow. Wires in the sleeves, I dare say. But I'll not pry, Mister Chang. The secrets of the artistes are sacrosanct. BULLER (OOV.): Hey, you! JAGO: What the deuce? BULLER: Where's my Emma? What have you done with her? JAGO: You've got no right to burst in here. BULLER: Out of my way! It's him I want. CHANG: Your Emma? BULLER: She come in here last night and nobody ain't seen her since. JAGO: I'll have the fellow ejected. BULLER: Now I'm asking you, mister, what's happened to her? JAGO: Call the stage hands, Freddy. CHANG: It's all right, Mister Jago. Please, come with me. JAGO: Courteous coves, these Chinese. I'd have propelled him onto the pavement with a punt up the posterior. [SCENE_BREAK] CHANG: Your wife? BULLER: Emma Buller. And don't deny she was here, cos I saw her with my own eyes. CHANG: Many ladies come to theatre. Why should you think BULLER: Not round the side door, they don't. Now, look. I was passing in my cab and I saw her plain, and I know it was you she was calling on. She's been acting queer ever since you put the 'fluence on her last week, so don't try coming the innocent, Mister. I want to know where she is or I'm calling the law. Clear? CHANG: Your wife came on stage? BULLER: Last week. Levitated her, you did. She's not been the same since. It's done something to her reason, I shouldn't wonder. And she was here last night. CHANG: Not to see me. BULLER: Don't come the cod. She's disappeared. Nobody's seen her, not since she come here last night, so what about it, eh? CHANG: In my country we have saying. Man who goes too quickly may step in bear trap. BULLER: Right, I'm getting the Peelers. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: These clothes are ridiculous. Why must I wear them? DOCTOR (OOV.): Because you can't go walking around Victorian London in skins. You'll frighten the horses. DOCTOR: Anyway, we don't want to be conspicuous, do we? LEELA: A swamp creature. That was it's attack cry. DOCTOR: Oh no, it was a ship on the river. Excellent. It means we can't be far away. LEELA: From where? DOCTOR: From where we're going. LEELA: Doctor, you make me wear strange clothes, you tell me nothing. You are trying to annoy me. DOCTOR: I'm trying to teach you, Leela. Surely you'd like to see how your ancestors enjoyed themselves? Splendid. That's why I'm taking you to the theatre. Li H'sen Chang. Hmm, pity. I'd rather hoped we'd catch Little Tich. Never mind. If we hurry we'll just catch the second house. [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: You'd better get your tail pinned on. Linens up in five minutes. Casey, have you got the oopizootics coming on? CASEY: Mister Jago, I've seen it. I've seen it again! JAGO: Be quiet. I told you before. CASEY: Horrible, horrible it was, Mister Jago. A great skull coming at me out of the dark. JAGO: Damme, you don't want to bankrupt me, Casey. Keep your voice down. Threadbare in Carey Street I'll be if people get the notion there's anything wrong with this theatre. CASEY: Chains clanking, nine foot tall. JAGO: You've been drinking. CASEY: Not a drop, sir. JAGO: Well, it's time you started. JAGO: Now pull yourself together, man. CASEY: I ain't never going down that cellar again. There I was, fixing the trap, when this apparition rose out of the ground in front of me. Hideous, it was. Hideous. JAGO: That's enough. JAGO: It's your imagination. CASEY: Never. JAGO: A cat or something must be trapped down there making noises. Tell you what I'll do, Casey. I'll come down with you this evening, as soon as the house is clear, and we'll have a good look round. Now how's that? CASEY: It was no cat, Mister Jago. I seen it! JAGO: Please, Casey, remember, mum's the word. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: This is a big village. DOCTOR: Yes. LEELA: What's the name of the tribe here? DOCTOR: Cockneys. LEELA: The sound of death! DOCTOR: You stay here. DOCTOR: Excuse me, can I help you? QUICK (OOV.): Hold you there. QUICK: Now then, what's all this? LEELA: Touch me and I'll break your arm. QUICK: Now don't be foolish, miss. DOCTOR: Good evening. LEELA: Keep back, Doctor. Blue guards! DOCTOR: Good evening, Constable. QUICK: Good evening, sir. You know this young female, sir? DOCTOR: Oh yes, yes. We were attacked by this little man and four other little men. QUICK: When I got here, sir, he was being strangled with his own pigtail, sir. DOCTOR: Really? Girlish enthusiasm, officer? QUICK: You might call it that, sir. I call it making an affray. I must ask you to come down the station with me. [SCENE_BREAK] CHANG: Please to see, ladies and gentlemen, subject now in state of deep hypnosis. AUDIENCE: Oh! SIN: She asleep. CHANG: She not asleep, Mister Sin. SIN: She been slugging type of toddy. CHANG: I will prove young lady not asleep. SIN: She's lying on metal bar. CHANG: Not lying on metal bar. SIN: I've seen it done before. CHANG: I will prove young lady not lying on metal bar. SIN: She's held up by wires. CHANG: Enough. SIN: You can't fool me. CHANG: Silence! SIN: Don't touch me! Help! Police! Murder! CHANG: You see? No wires, Mister Sin. I will now demonstrate art of levitation raising most beautiful lady high above own topknot. [SCENE_BREAK] KYLE: Name, sir? DOCTOR: Doctor. Leela. KYLE: Place of residence, sir? LEELA: We've only just arrived here. DOCTOR: We're on our way to the theatre, do you see. KYLE: Your home address will do for the moment, sir. You do have a permanent address, sir? DOCTOR: No, Sergeant. We're travellers. KYLE: I see. Persons of no fixed abode. DOCTOR: No, no, no, no. We do have an abode. It's called a TARDIS. KYLE: A TARDIS. DOCTOR: But it's not fixed. KYLE: I can give you and the young lady a fixed abode, sir. Quite easily. DOCTOR: Flat footed imbecile. KYLE: What was that, sir? DOCTOR: It was nothing complementary. Get on with it, Sergeant. KYLE: Now look, sir. We've got our hands full here, all these girls going missing in the manor, so if you'd just oblige us by answering any questions we'll get on a lot better. And a lot quicker. DOCTOR: Sergeant, all this is irrelevant. I've come here to lay evidence. KYLE: We'll come to that in good time. DOCTOR: We'll come to that now, Sergeant. We've just prevented a kidnapping, a robbery or even a murder. My friend here caught one of the attackers. Let's come to it now, shall we? KYLE: We've only your word as to what he did, Doctor. DOCTOR: Tell him. Tell him. LEELA: The man they were carrying was dead. He had been stabbed through the heart! KYLE: Really, Miss. And how can you be sure of that? LEELA: I am a warrior of the Sevateem. I know the different sounds of death. Now put our prisoner to the torture! KYLE: Well, if that don't take the biscuit. Torture, eh? This isn't the Dark Ages, you know. LEELA: Make him talk. KYLE: He's a Chinese, if you hadn't noticed. We get a lot of those in here, Limehouse being so close. Him jaw-jaw plenty by and by, eh, Johnny? I've sent for an interpreter. DOCTOR: That won't be necessary. I speak Mandarin, Cantonese, all the dialects. KYLE: Oh yes? DOCTOR: Yes. Ne how ma? Ni chi mao cora (and so on) KYLE: Yeah, very remarkable, I'm sure, Doctor, but since you're a party to the case, it isn't proper. KYLE: Now what? That come from the river. [SCENE_BREAK] WOMAN: Look, there it is, guv. See? Look. QUICK: Hurry with that boat hook. WOMAN: It's a floater, all right. You've got it, guv. WOMAN: On my oath, you wouldn't want that served with onions. Never seen anything like it in all my puff. Oh, make an 'orse sick, that would. [SCENE_BREAK] KYLE: Good of you to come so prompt, sir. CHANG: Not at all, Sergeant. I'm always happy to be of service to the police. What can I do for you this time? KYLE: A complaint against this man, sir. The lady and gentleman here swear they saw him, in concert with others not in custody, carrying what appeared to be a body, sir. CHANG: Indeed. KYLE: A European body as I understand them, sir. CHANG: What happened to the others? LEELA: They got away. I caught this one. CHANG: You caught him? Remarkable. DOCTOR: Don't I know you? CHANG: I think not. DOCTOR: Yes, I've seen you somewhere before. CHANG: I understand we all look the same. DOCTOR: Are you Chinese? Yes, that's it. We must have. No, I haven't been in China for four hundred years. CHANG: Are you taking this matter seriously, Sergeant? KYLE: We are, sir. Will you question the man, sir? CHANG: Very well. CHANG: Can I have paper and pencil, please, Sergeant? KYLE: Certainly, sir. DOCTOR: Got it! Li H'sen Chang. CHANG: What? DOCTOR: The Master of Magic and Mesmerism. Show us a trick. DOCTOR: Very good. Very good. KYLE: I think he's dead, sir. DOCTOR: How did you do it? CHANG: I did nothing. What are you suggesting. DOCTOR: Scorpion venom. KYLE: Scorpion venom? DOCTOR: Highly concentrated scorpion venom. It killed him almost instantly. DOCTOR: The Tong of the Black Scorpion. KYLE: Don't know that one, sir. DOCTOR: One of the most dangerous politico-criminal organisations in the world. Wouldn't you agree, Li H'sen Chang? CHANG: You seem remarkably well-informed, Doctor. Alas, I know nothing of these matters. Most regrettable incident. Goodnight, Sergeant. KYLE: Thank you, sir. CHANG: I'm sure we shall meet again. LEELA: Yes. CHANG: Perhaps under more pleasant circumstances. KYLE: Well, I don't know what to do about this lot. DOCTOR: Then I'll tell you what to do, Sergeant. Organise a post-mortem. I want an analysis of the organs. KYLE: You want what, sir? DOCTOR: Well naturally I'm going to help. If the Tong of the Black Scorpion's here in London, you're going to need all the help you can get. Now cut along and do as I say. Now! KYLE: Yes, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] CHANG: Faster, man, faster. [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: Twinkle, twinkle, out in front. CASEY: Eh? JAGO: Gallery lights still burning. CASEY: I'll just go and see to them now, Mister Jago. JAGO: Everyone gone? CASEY: Aye, just locked up, sir. JAGO: I hope those girls go straight home to their digs. CASEY: Oh, that they will, sir, with all this in the papers. Nine are missing now, you know. JAGO: Nine. There was some fellow in here earlier blaming Chang of all people for some girl's disappearance. CASEY: Just vanished off the streets, they have. Mostly in this area, too. What do you think's happened to them, Mister Jago? JAGO: Nothing good, Casey, nothing good. That's a stone certainty. CASEY: Oh, it says in the paper how it could be jolly Jack at work again. JAGO: Jolly Jack? CASEY: The Ripper, Mister Jago. JAGO: The horrendous hyperbole of Grub Street, Casey. CASEY: Eh? JAGO: Newspaper gossip. They're probably just stony and scarpered. Cut along now. I'll wait for you here. [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: I was right. It was blood. Blood all over the hand and wrist. How did that get there? CASEY: Ready, Mister Jago. JAGO: Oh, Casey. Don't ever do that to me again. If the celestial Chang caught me trying to pinch his tricks. I had an idea that his dummy was a midget dressed up, but it's just an ordinary vent's doll. CASEY: Are we going to look down the cellar, Mister Jago? JAGO: Of course, Casey. Of course. When I promise to do something. Determination, character. After you. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: They're what's known as a very dangerous bunch. Fanatical followers of an ancient Chinese god called Weng-Chiang. LEELA: The Tong of the Black Scorpion? DOCTOR: Yes. His followers believe that one day he'll come back and rule the world. LEELA: So what's he like, this Weng-Chiang? DOCTOR: Oh, very pleasant company. They say he blew poisonous fumes from his mouth and that he killed men with a white light that shone from his eyes. LEELA: Magic! DOCTOR: Superstitious rubbish. Here we are. QUICK (OOV.): They're in there now, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] QUICK: Taken from the river not half an hour ago. Professor Litefoot's conducting his examination now, sir. DOCTOR: Yes, well, our case is much more urgent. QUICK: I wouldn't go in there if I was you, sir. DOCTOR: Don't you worry about it. Don't you worry. [SCENE_BREAK] LITEFOOT: Thank you. LITEFOOT: Who the devil are you, sir. DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor, come to help you. LITEFOOT: When I need anyone's help in pathology, I'll ask for it. DOCTOR: The constable suggested a drowning case. LITEFOOT: Fished from the river, but he wasn't drowned. DOCTOR: By the look of those marks, an animal. LITEFOOT: Exactly what I think, but what kind of animal leaves mutilations like those? DOCTOR: Chisel-like incisors. A rodent? LITEFOOT: Yes, but that's impossible. Look at the size of them. DOCTOR: Hmm. Have you established the cause of death? LITEFOOT: Yes, that's another curious thing. All this happened after death. DOCTOR: Really? LITEFOOT: He was killed by a knife blow to the heart. DOCTOR: Are those his clothes? QUICK: Yes, sir. I'm just taking them for examination. DOCTOR: Hold that. LITEFOOT: He was carrying no personal documents, but this indicates he was a licensed cab driver.) LITEFOOT: Easy enough to identify the poor chap by his number. LEELA: Doctor, those are the clothes the man we saw was wearing. DOCTOR: What I'd like to know is, what do you think of these? LITEFOOT: Some sort of hair. DOCTOR: Yes. I think they're rat hairs. LITEFOOT: Rat hairs? Do you know what you're saying, man? DOCTOR: Yes, of course I know what I'm saying. LITEFOOT: But they're nearly three inches long. Hairs on a rat can't be more than what, quarter of an inch? DOCTOR: Interesting, isn't it, because I've just remembered something else about Weng-Chiang. LEELA: What? DOCTOR: He was the god of abundance. Yes, he made things grow. Can I borrow that? DOCTOR: Thank you. LEELA: Where are we going? DOCTOR: Stay there, Leela. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Were you trying to attract my attention? DOCTOR: What's this? LEELA: A Janis thorn. DOCTOR: Yes. I thought I told you not to carry LEELA: He was trying to kill you. DOCTOR: Oh. Oh, well, in that case you'd better come along. LEELA: What is it? DOCTOR: The entrance to the sewers. LEELA: Blood. Is this where they took the body? DOCTOR: Yes. LEELA: Where's it go? DOCTOR: Into the Thames eventually. All the sewers are connected. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: What are those creatures? DOCTOR: Rats. LEELA: They don't look very dangerous. DOCTOR: No, they're not. They're very cunning though. They're probably more afraid of us.
doc_215	[Scene: The Hospital, Ross and Rachel, who's in a wheelchair, are arriving in the waiting room for the maternity ward.] Ross: All right! (Checking his watch) Yes!! From home to the hospital in under seven minutes! We did it!! Rachel: (deadpan) Yes, the hard part is truly over. Ross: No, but come on, we're off to a great start aren't we? I knew I'd get you here fast, but this has got to be some kind of a record! (Phoebe and Monica walk in from getting some coffee.) Phoebe: Oh you made it! Rachel: Hi! (Ross is stunned.) Monica: How are you doing? Ross: Wait a minute! How-how the hell did you beat us here? Monica: We took a cab. Did you guys walk? Ross: N... No! We took a cab too, but I did test runs! (Chandler and Joey enter from the vending machines carrying sodas.) Chandler: Hi! Joey: Hey! You made it! Ross: Okay is there...some kind of magic tunnel to this hospital?! Rachel: Ross, you stay here and talk, I'm gonna go have a baby. Ross: Okay. Okay. (To the nurse behind the desk.) Umm hi, this is Rachel Green. I'm Ross Geller. We-we called from the car. Nurse: Right! We have a semi-private labor room waiting for you. So in just a minute... Rachel: (interrupting her) Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I'm sorry, semi-private? We (Laughs), we asked for a private room. Nurse: Yes, I see that here. Unfortunately we can't guarantee a private room and currently they're all unavailable. Chandler: Man, if only you'd gotten here sooner. (Ross turns and glares at him.) Nurse: I'm sorry. Semi-private rooms are all we have. Rachel: Okay. Just give us a second. Ross! (They walk away from the desk.) Ross: Yeah? Rachel: Give her some money. Ross: I really think they're out of rooms. Rachel: They're not!! Ross, they're just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?! Ross: Well then we'd be in a lot of trouble, you don't know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm... Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up? Nurse: This is a hospital. Rachel: (standing up) Okay. Y'know what? I'd have to say I really don't care for your tone. And this is not the only hospital in this city and we have no problem to-Whoa! (She starts a contraction) Oh gosh! Whoa! Ross: What-what? Rachel: Ow! Ow! Contraction. (Sits back down.) Ow-ow! Ow-ow! (Starts breathing heavily.) Nurse: Would you like to see a semi-private room? Rachel: Yeah, it couldn't hurt to look. Opening Credits [Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Rachel is in bed, Ross is fooling around, and Dr. Long is checking on Rachel.] Dr. Long: Well you're only two centimeters dilated and we need to get to ten. It'll be a while. Rachel: Oh, okay. Dr. Long: I'll be back in an hour to check you again. Ross: Thank you. Rachel: Thank you. (Dr. Long exits.) Well, I guess we have some time to kill. Ross: Yeah, guess so. Whew! Check these out! (He's looking at the stirrups on the other bed in the room and Rachel groans. Ross then hops into the bed and puts his legs into the stirrups.) Never done this before. Rachel: Yeah well it looks great! (A nurse shows another couple into the room.) Man: Thank you very much. Woman: Thanks. (They stop when they see Ross who has to struggle to get out of the bed.) Ross: Hi! Hi, I'm uh Ross. I'm here to ruin this magical day for you. Man: Oh no-no, not at all. Woman: Don't worry about it. Man: Marc Coreger, this is my wife Julie. Ross: Hi Julie. Julie: Hi. Ross: This is Rachel. (Points at her.) Rachel: Hi! Marc: Oh hi Rachel. Rachel: How are you? Julie: Hi. Is this your first? Rachel: Yeah it is. Julie: Well, little Jamie here is our third. So, if you have questions or you need anything at all, just holler. Rachel: That's so sweet. Ross: Yeah. Rachel: Oh. Ross: Umm say, I-I opened this earlier (The privacy screen) but let me give you guys some privacy. Marc: No nonsense! We're all in this together. Julie: Yeah, we are going to share every moment of this with you. And I think we're gonna have some fun. Marc: Yeah. Ross: Oh, okay. Marc: Hey! Smile! (Points his camera at Ross and Rachel.) Rachel: Oh no, I really don't want any-(He takes the picture)-Oh! Thank you. Oh. Oh Ross... Ross: What? Rachel: Here comes another contraction. Ross: Oh. Okay, just breathe. Julie: Oh honey, I think I'm having one too! (During the mutual contraction Julie takes a moment to point out they're having a contraction at the same time.) Marc: Look at this! (Takes another picture) There we go! [Scene: The Waiting Room, the rest of the gang is lounging around.] Phoebe: (looking at the clock) Oh wow, three hours and still no baby. Ugh, the miracle of birth sure is a snooze fest. Monica: Hey, you wanna see something? Phoebe: Sure! What? Monica: Umm, this is going to be fun. Watch me freak out Chandler. Honey? Chandler: Yeah? Monica: Listen uh, I-I've been doing some thinking, and I don't know whether it's because we're here or Rachel's giving birth but umm, I think we should try to have a baby. Chandler: Okay. Monica: (freaking out) What-what-what's that now?! Chandler: Okay. I've been thinking about it too, and I, I think we're ready. Monica: What?! Are you kidding me?! You-you-you think we're ready to have a baby now?! Phoebe: Oh, this is fun. Joey: You're ready to have a baby? My boy's all grown up! Chandler: But you said you were ready too. Monica: Yeah but I was just screwing with you to try to get your voice all high and weird like mine is now! Chandler: Yes, but haven't you wanted a kid like forever? Monica: Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. (Pause) 'Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father. Joey: (voice all high and weird) What?! Are you crazy?! Monica: That's it! Right there! Is all I wanted! [Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, time lapse, Ross is massaging out a cramp on Rachel's hip as Marc opens up the privacy screen.] Marc: I am so sorry. The doctor insisted on closing the curtain for the exam. Rachel: Oh, that's very-Really very-very okay. Marc: Julie's cervix is dilated a seven centimeters, that's about four fingers. The doctor let me feel it myself. Julie: Have you felt Rachel's cervix Ross? Rachel: (simultaneously as Ross) No, I don't think we'll be doing that. Ross: (simultaneously as Rachel) We're not gonna do that. Julie: Well, if you like you can feel Rachel's and then feel mine to compare. Mrs. Geller: (entering) Am I interrupting? Ross: Uh yes! Thank you. Rachel: Oh. Oh wait no. Ross: Later. Rachel: No-no-don't! Don't leave me here with these people. Ross: Oh uh, I'm sorry. (Runs out.) Rachel: No Ross! Ross! Ross! My child has no father! [Scene: The Hallway, Ross comes out and hugs Mrs. Geller.] Ross: Hi! I'm so glad you're here, but it's gonna be a while. I-I wished you'd called first. Mrs. Geller: Oh that's all right, I'm coming back later with your father. Ross: Oh good. Mrs. Geller: I actually needed to talk to you before the birth. Ross: Okay, what's up? Mrs. Geller: I brought something that I want to give you, assuming of course that you want it. (She holds up an engagement ring.) Ross: Ma, you're asking me to marry you? Mrs. Geller: This is your grandmother's engagement ring, I want you to give it to Rachel. Ross: Mom no, come on! Thank you. Mrs. Geller: Just hear me out! Ross: N-no! Okay? We've been through this! We're not gonna get married just because she's pregnant, okay? Mrs. Geller: Honestly! Ross, this isn't just some girl you picked up in a bar and humped. A child should have a family. Ross: Mom, y'know what? I-I can't deal with this right now. I'm sorry... Mrs. Geller: Just...think about it. If you don't, I'll talk more about humping. Ross: Gimmie! (Takes the ring and puts it in his coat pocket as Rachel enters the hallway.) Rachel: Hi! Mrs. Geller: Oh hi dear! Rachel: Oh, thank you so much for coming. Ross, get in here! (Mrs. Geller leaves as Ross re-enters the room.) [Scene: The Waiting Room, Ross is explaining to the gang what happened with his mother.] Ross: ...she came and dragged me out of the labor room to ask me why I'm not with Rachel. Phoebe: Yeah. (Pause) Why aren't you with Rachel? Ross: Are you kidding? Look, we're not gonna be together just because we're having a baby. Okay? Phoebe: But y'know what? It just seems that you two belong together. Ross: Okay, stop it! I can't deal with this right now. I have to go have a baby. Phoebe: Right. And with who again? (Ross exits.) Joey: God. He's crazy! Why doesn't he want to be with Rachel? Phoebe: I know! Joey: I mean seriously, she's like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadn't and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and... (Realizes everyone is staring.) I haven't bummed you guys out like this in a while have I? [Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Ross is returning to find another couple has taken the place of Marc and Julie.] Ross: (To Rachel) Hey. Who's that? Rachel: New people. Ross: What happened to the Disgustingtons? Rachel: They're having their baby! It's not fair Ross we got here first! Right after you left they wheeled her off into delivery. Oh but not before she gave me a juicy shot of little Jamie just crowning away. Ross: Wow! Sorry. So uh, how are the new people? Rachel: Well they have uh, some unusual pet names for each other. Including umm, evil bitch and uh, sick bstrd. Oh God oh! Contraction! Ross: Yeah? Okay. Rachel: Ooh! Ow!! Evil Bitch: Are you looking at her?! Sick bstrd: No! Evil Bitch: Don't you look at her you sick bstrd! Sick bstrd: Honey I swear! I wasn't looking at her! Evil Bitch: She's in labor! You like that you sick son of a bitch! Ross: Umm. Umm, I'm-I'm just gonna-(Closes the privacy screen.) Evil Bitch: See? See? It was because you were looking fat pervert! Ross: No-no, I'm...I'm sure no one was looking. Just want some privacy. (He closes the screen and stares wide-eyed at Rachel.) Evil Bitch: You miss your girlfriend? Ross: Just ignore them. (Sick bstrd sits down in a chair that enables him to look around the screen and stare at Rachel.) Rachel: Ross. Ross: What? What? Rachel: He's looking at me. Ross: (to him) Hey! You wanna live to see your baby?! Evil Bitch: Don't you talk to my husband like that you stupid bstrd! (Ross shrugs his shoulders to Rachel and Sick bstrd closes the screen all the way.) [Scene: Outside the Nursery, Chandler is looking at the babies as Monica walks up.] Monica: Oh good God! If you want a baby so bad just go steal it! (The nurse attending to the babies hears this, turns and stares at Chandler. Chandler moves Monica to the side and away from the nurse.) Monica: What is going on with you? Since when are you so crazy about babies? Chandler: I'm not crazy about babies. I'm crazy about us. Monica: What? Chandler: Look, we've always talked about having babies someday. I'm not saying it has to be right now, but I'm starting to think that we can handle it. We're good. We're really good. Monica: We are pretty good. Chandler: But nothing has to happen until your ready. Monica: Well maybe I'm ready now. I mean, it's a little scary, but maybe it's right. Chandler: What?! It's not right! We're not ready to have a kid now!! Monica: What?!! Chandler: I'm kidding. This is going to be fun. Monica: So we're gonna try? I mean, are we trying? Chandler: We're trying to get pregnant. (They start kissing, but Chandler stops it.) Y'know I'm not really comfortable doing this in front of the babies. So, when do you want to start trying? Monica: Okay, hold on a sec. Chandler: Period math? Monica: Yeah. Chandler: Yeah. Monica: Well, we could start trying. Now. Chandler: Right here? Monica: No, not here. Maybe here. Chandler: Wait a minute, it's perfect. We got a lot of time to kill and we're in a building that's full of beds! Monica: And it's so clean!! (They run off in search of a bed.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Vending Machines, Phoebe is buying a soda and Joey is shaking the candy machine.] Joey: Come on you stupid machine! Come on! Phoebe: Oh, it ate your money? Joey: (looking at her) No. Phoebe: All right, I'll see you downstairs then. Joey: All right. Phoebe: All right. Joey: Hey I got one! I got one! [Cut to the elevator lobby, Phoebe walks up and sees a man in a wheelchair with his broken leg extended.] Man: Hi! Phoebe: Hi. Man: Oh uh, up or down? Phoebe: Oh down please. (The guy tries to reach the button, but can't.) I-I hate to be a ball buster can I just do it? (She pushes the button.) Man: Could you press up too please? Phoebe: Sure! I feel so bad for you; I broke my leg once too. Man: Oh yeah? How'd yours happen? Phoebe: Well, it's a long story. It's kind of embarrassing. Let's just say there was a typographical error with a sx manual. (The guy laughs.) How about you? Man: Car accident. Phoebe: Oh. Man: Oh, let me guess some idiot on a cell phone wasn't paying attention? Man: Yeah. Me. (The elevator door opens.) Oh hey, that's me. (Rolls onto the elevator.) Hey uh, I take it you're just visiting someone. Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah. Man: Well umm, if you have sometime y'know and maybe you might want to visit someone else... Phoebe: Oh yeah! I-I would like that. Man: I'm in the middle... (The elevator door closes, cutting him off.) Phoebe: Wait! What?! No!! Elevator!! No! Joey: (standing behind her) Uh, you gotta press the button. (Does so.) [Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Evil Bitch and Sick bstrd are gone and Ross has just finished talking to a nurse as Rachel stands and stretches.] Ross: The nurse said they're bringing in another woman. Rachel: Ugh, is she pregnant yet? She doesn't need to be; she'll still have the baby before I do. Oh Ross, another contraction! (Leans back on Ross for some support.) Ross: That's it. That's it. (The next couple enters.) Woman: Oooh, that sounded like a bad one. Rachel: Yeah it was. Woman: Mine haven't been so bad. Oh! Here comes one now. (Hums then squeals a little bit.) Oh, that was a big one! (Rachel motions for Ross to close the privacy screen, which he does.) [Scene: Another Waiting Room, Phoebe and Joey are trying to find out where the guy with the broken leg is.] Phoebe: (to the nurse) Excuse me? Could you help me with something? The patient I'm looking for has a broken leg and is in a wheelchair. And umm, he's like early to mid-thirties, very attractive. Nurse: I think I know who you're talking about. Phoebe: Oh yay! Great! Okay, what room number is he in? Nurse: I'm sorry, that information is restricted to hospital staff... Joey: (walks up) Uh, she's with me. (Introduces himself) Dr. Drake Remoray. Nurse: Dr. Drake who? Joey: Remoray. It's Portuguese. We need that information; I'm a doctor. Nurse: A doctor at this hospital? Joey: Damnit woman we're losing precious time! Now do you want this man's blood on your head? Phoebe: Hands. Joey: Hands! It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man my assistant described is staying in. He's a patient of mine, I've been treating him for years! Nurse: He's in room 816. Joey: 816, thank you! Phoebe: Thank you. (Starts to exit.) (Joey starts to leave, but stops.) Joey: And what is his name? Phoebe: (coming back for Joey) No! (Grabs Joey and drags him away.) [Scene: An Empty Hospital Room, Chandler and Monica enter.] Monica: I think we found a place. Chandler: Okay. (They start kissing.) Monica: Umm, wait! Do you want to set the mood a little? Chandler: Okay. Uh, we'll dim the lights, dim the lights. (He goes to the light switch and finds it's not a dimmer switch when he flips the lights off.) Or turn them out all together. Uh, no scented candles. Okay here. Here we go. (He sprays an aerosol air freshener above her.) Monica: Okay! Okay! Make me sterile, but okay. (He hops onto the bed and they start making out.) Monica: Okay. Let's hurry-Oh wait! Do we have a condom? (He looks at her.) Oh right! (Laughs and they resume making out when a nurse catches them in the act.) Chandler: Yes, 98.6. You're gonna be fine. [Scene: Outside Room 816, Phoebe and Joey are approaching.] Phoebe: Ooh, this is it! (Looks in the window.) Oh, that's him! That's him! Joey: Great! Go get him. Phoebe: Wait a second, or maybe you can go in first. Joey: (looks in the window) He's not really my type. Phoebe: No not you, Dr. Drake Remoray. You can ask him questions and see what's he like. People tell doctors everything. Joey: But you said he was this great guy! Phoebe: But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first, then they turn out to be the biggest jerks. Joey: You do attract some stinkers. [Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Dr. Long is checking on Rachel again.] Rachel: Dr. Long, I've been at this for seventeen hours! Three women have come and gone with their babies, you gotta give me some good news! How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine? Dr. Long: Three. Ross: Just three?! I'm dilated three! Dr. Long: We are moving along, just slowly. (Rachel lies back and sighs.) Don't worry, you're doing great. I'll be back soon. (Exits.) Rachel: Hey, y'know what? I'm not waiting! I'm gonna push this baby out! I'm doing it! I mean it's what? Three centimeters? That's gotta be like this! (Holds her hands a couple inches apart.) Ross: Actually it's more like this. (Pushes her hands to less than an inch apart.) Rachel: Oh stupid metric system! (Another woman with a nurse and doctor enter, the woman is screaming.) Doctor: Oh my. We're gonna need to take you straight to the delivery room. Rachel: Oh for the love of God! Woman Giving Birth: (yelling from the hallway) It's coming! It's coming! Doctor: And here it is! (The baby cries.) Rachel: Oh come on!! [Scene: Room 816, Dr. Drake Remoray is entering.] Joey: Hi! I'm Dr. Drake Remoray and I have a few routine questions I need to ask you. Man: Really? I've been dealing with Dr. Wells. Joey: I know, but I'm a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me. Man: Dr. Wells is a woman. Joey: That was a test. Good response. All right, full name. Man: Clifford Burnett. Joey: Date of birth? Cliff: November 16th, 1968. Joey: Age? Cliff: Can't you figure that out based on my date of birth? Joey: I'm a doctor Cliff, not a mathematician. Cliff: I'm 33. Joey: Okay. And uh, are you married. Cliff: No. Joey: Oh really? So, 33 and still single, would you say you have commitment issues? Cliff: Are all the questions this personal? Joey: (checking the list) Yes. Cliff: Well uh if you must know I'm a widower. Joey: Oh that's terrible. I'm-I'm really sorry. Cliff: Yeah. Joey: Hmm. Do you sleep with women and never call them again? Cliff: No. Joey: Excellent! Excellent! And uh, finally, are you into any weird stuff y'know, sexually? Cliff: No! Joey: Oooh, wrong answer. (Exits.) [Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, they're brining in yet another woman.] Nurse: (calling to the woman) This room's available. Rachel: Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, that's four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! I'm next! It's my turn! It's only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me I'm going to sue you! Not this hospital, I'm going to sue you! And my husband (Points at Ross) he's a lawyer! Ross: Uh Rach... Rachel: Go get back on that case honey! Nurse: I don't think the next patient is very far along. Rachel: Okay, well then bring her in. (Another nurse wheels the next pregnant woman in.) Woman: OH....MY....GAWD!!! (Uh-huh, it's Janice.) (Ross and Rachel are, needless to say, stunned at the arrival of Janice.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, continued from earlier.] Janice: I....can't....believe this! Ross: And yet somehow it's true! Janice: I mean this is so great! We're gonna be baby buddies! (Does the laugh.) Ross: (To Rachel) Squeeze your legs together and cover the baby's ears! Man: (entering, carrying a pillow) Hi sweetie! Janice: Hi! Hi sweetheart! This is my husband Sid, I don't think you've met him. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologist's office. Thank God for adult acne huh? (Does the laugh.) Sid: I still can't believe it! I'm the luckiest guy in the world! Ross: (softly) Really? Sid: (To Janice) What'd he say? Janice: Oh y'know what? You have to speak very loudly when you're talking to Sid, because he's almost completely deaf. Rachel: Oh! Ross: Oh there you go! Rachel: I get it! Janice: So? Congratulations you two, I didn't even know you got married. Rachel: Oh we-we didn't. Ross: No-no. We... Janice: What?! Ross: Um uh...We're-we're just having this baby together but uh, uh that's all. Janice: Why?!! Ross: Uh well umm...we're just not in that place, y'know? But we're very excited about this. Janice: Oh. Well then shut me up. (Does the laugh.) Rachel: Just tell me how. Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.) Ross: Sid you lucky deaf bstrd. [Scene: Outside Room 816, Joey is briefing Phoebe on Cliff.] Phoebe: What else? What else? Joey: Uh, well he's 33. Phoebe: Oh. Ah-uh. Joey: A widower. Phoebe: Oh. Joey: He seemed like a stand up guy. Oh, and he's not into anything weird sexually. Phoebe: Enter Pheebs. [Scene: Another Hospital Room, Chandler and Monica enter and start making out.] Chandler: Should we tell Rachel there's an empty private room right next door to hers? Monica: We could, or we can have sx in it. Chandler: Well let me think about that, while I remove my pants! (They start making out again.) Monica: (lying down on the bed) Okay mister! Fertilize me! (Suddenly they hear Janice laughing, and it ruins the moment.) Monica: Does that sound like Janice? Chandler: If it's not, then there's two of them. And that would mean it's the end of the world! [Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.] Monica: Hey! Ross: Hey! Chandler: Hi. Rachel: Oh hi. Monica: I can't believe this is taking so long. How are you doing? Rachel: Oh not bad. Do you know that feeling when you're trying to blow a Saint Bernard out your ass? Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear-(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)-Mother of God it's true! Janice: Chandler Bing! Chandler: Jan-Janice! Ross: Not just Janice, Janice in labor, contracting and everything. Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler. Chandler: Janice I didn't even know you were pregnant! Who's the unwitting human who's essence you've stolen? Janice: It's you. This is yours. Chandler: What?! Janice: (laughs) Look how nervous he gets! We haven't slept together in years! (Laughs again.) Chandler: That's funny. Does it-does it hurt? Does the labor hurt? [Scene: Room 816, Phoebe is making her move on Cliff.] Phoebe: Okay I've got one for you, if you had too which one would you rather eat, a seeing eye dog or a talking gorilla? Cliff: I'd have to say...the talking gorilla, because at least I can explain to him that you're making me eat him. Phoebe: Somebody went to college. Wow. (Cliff gets uncomfortable) What is it? I'm sorry. (She moves her arm, which was resting on the same pillow his leg is.) Cliff: No, I'm sorry. It's just my foot itches like crazy. Phoebe: Oh, I'll get it. (She gets up and grabs a spoon.) Cliff: Wow! I usually get to know a girl a little better before I let her spoon me. Phoebe: Relax, it's not like we're forking. [Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Janice is being moved to the delivery room and is screaming in pain.] Rachel: Oh that's five Ross. Five women have had five babies! And I have had no babies! Why doesn't she want to come out? Ross: Y'know what I think it is? I think you've made such a nice home for her over the last nine months that she just doesn't want to leave. Rachel: Oh. Look at you making up crap for me. Oh God! (Starts another contraction as Dr. Long enters.) Dr. Long: Twenty-one hours, you're a hero. Rachel: Doctor you gotta do something! I think you gotta give me drugs or you gotta light a fire up in there and just smoke it out. Dr. Long: Actually, I think you're ready to go to the delivery room. Rachel: What? Dr. Long: Ten centimeters, you're about to become a mom. Rachel: My God. Okay. (Another woman enters.) Ha-ha-ha beat ya! Sucker! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Room 816, Phoebe and Cliff are eating some pudding with spoons.] Cliff: Is this the same spoon that was in my cast? (Smells it.) Phoebe: Y'know what? This one is. (Eats another spoonful of pudding as Cliff sees something on TV.) Cliff: Oh my God! That's the doctor who was in my room before! Phoebe: Huh. Okay, Mr. Perkazet. Cliff: I'm telling you! The guy from that show was here in my room, asking me all these weird questions! Phoebe: Cliff, do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here in your room? Joey: (entering) Rachel's having her baby!! (Phoebe turns and looks at him.) Which is of no interest to me, I'm a neurologist. Cliff: That-that's him! You know him? Phoebe: Okay. Okay. I-Okay umm...this...I-I sent my friend Joey in here to find out stuff about you. Umm y'know, if it helps you came off great. A lot better than I'm coming off right now. Cliff: I don't believe this. You got him to pretend he was some fake doctor? Joey: Fake? Excuse me? Hello? (Taps the TV screen.) Cliff: And then you tried to make me think that I was crazy. Phoebe: You're right, that was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's just that I liked you so much. Can we just, can we just start over? Cliff: I don't think so. Joey: Uh, if I may? Umm-umm look, Cliff, you told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right? And maybe-maybe it would if-if would help if-if you knew some personal stuff about her. Uh, she was married to a gay ice dancer. Uh, she gave birth to her brother's triplets. Oh! Oh! Her-her twin sister used to do p0rn! Phoebe: Uh Joey, we're trying to dial down the crazy. Joey: Right! Phoebe: Umm, look we don't, we don't really know each other so it would be really easy to just forget about this, but there seems to be something between us. And I don't know about you but that doesn't happen to me a lot. Cliff: It doesn't happen to me either. Joey: Me neither. [Scene: The Delivery Room, Rachel is finally giving birth.] Dr. Long: Push. Push. Come on push for five seconds. 5...4... Rachel: 3-2-1 oh!! Dr. Long: Okay, the next contraction should be in about twenty seconds. Rachel: I can't. I can't push anymore, I can't. Ross: Sweetie you're doing great. Rachel: Oh God twenty seconds my ass!! Dr. Long: Here we go! Okay, keep pushing! Wait! I see something. Ross: What? You do? You do? (Looks) Oh my God! Rachel: Don't say, "Oh my God!" Oh my God what? Ross: What is that? Dr. Long: It's the baby's buttock, she's breech. Ross: Oh thank God, I thought she had two heads. Rachel: Oh God. Is she gonna be okay? Dr. Long: She's gonna be fine. Okay, she's in a more difficult position so you're gonna have to push even harder now. Go! Push! Ross: Go! Dr. Long: Rachel you're gonna have to push even harder, nothing's happening! Rachel: I'm sorry, I can't! Ross: Yes you can! Rachel: I can't! Ross: Hey! Hey! Come on! You can! I know you can do this! Let's go! Rachel: I can't. Please, you do it for me. Ross: No! Come on let's-One more time! One final push! Ready? 1...2...3! (Rachel pushes so hard her head snaps up head-butting Ross and knocking him down.) Dr. Long: Good! Ross: (from the floor) Keep pushing! Rachel: Are you okay? Ross: You have no idea how much this hurts. (All of the women in the room turn and glare at him.) Keep going! Keep going! Dr. Long: Here we go! Ross: Oh! Oh! She's upside down but she's coming! She's coming! Rachel: Oh God! Ross: Oh! Oh my God oh! Oh my God she's here. (The newest friend cries.) Ross: Oh she's...she's perfect. Rachel: Oh, she's so tiny. (Starts crying) Where'd she go? Ross: Oh it's okay. They're just-they're just wrapping her up. Rachel: Okay. Well be careful with her, she's really tiny. Dr. Long: Here she is! (Dr. Long hands her to Rachel.) Rachel: Oh hey you. Thanks for coming out of me. (The baby cries.) I know. Oh. Yeah. Oh, she's looking at me. Hi! I know you. Dr. Long: Do we have a name yet? Rachel: No, not yet. Dr. Long: That's fine, for now we'll just call her Baby Girl Green. Rachel: Oh no, Baby Girl Geller-Green. (Ross and Rachel look into each other's eyes and kiss.) Rachel: Hello baby girl. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Recovery Room, Ross is taking pictures of Rachel holding the baby as the rest of the gang enters.] Phoebe: Can we come in? Ross: Oh, come in. Phoebe: Hi! Joey: There she is! Phoebe: Oh, she's so beautiful. Rachel: Here. (Hands her to Monica.) Monica: Oh my God! She's amazing. Oh, oh I'm so glad you guys got drunk and had s*x! Chandler: It's incredible, I mean one minute she's inside you and then 47 hours later here she is. Joey: (taking the baby) She looks so real! (The gang looks at him.) Y'know what I mean! She's this whole tiny little person. She already has eyelashes and knees and...uh-oh. Rachel: What? Joey: Oh no-no, no for I second there I counted six fingers, but one was from the other hand so we're good. Phoebe: Okay, my turn. My turn. (Joey hands her to Phoebe.) Oh! You're so cute! Oh, I could squeeze your little head! (Pause) I won't. (Rachel starts crying again.) Monica: What's the matter? Rachel: Oh nothing I... Sorry, I just can't stop crying. Ross: The doctor says it's completely normal with all the hormones. Plus, you-you're sleep deprived. Rachel: So? You guys are all sleep deprived. I don't see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet. Oh God. (Starts to cry harder.) Joey: What's the matter now? Rachel: I was reliving it. Phoebe: Ohhh. (Hands her back to Rachel.) Chandler: So, do you know what you're gonna call her yet? Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute it's not gonna be Baby Girl? I thought that was so original! Ross: Uh actually, we-we've narrowed it down to two names. Rachel: Yeah, and y'know what? I love them both, so why don't you just pick one and that'll be it. Ross: Wow! Umm, okay uh...everyone...this...is Isabella. (Rachel starts crying.) What? Rachel: That's not her name! I'm sorry, she just doesn't feel like an Isabella. Chandler: So then I guess Ferdinad is out. Joey: What was the other one Ross? Ross: Umm, Delilah. Rachel: Oh great! Suddenly she sounds like a biblical whore. Ross: So I guess we're back to uh, Baby Girl. Phoebe: Yay! Rachel: Well what are we going to do? Monica: It's okay honey, you'll find a name. Ross: Ugh, easy for you to say, you already know what your kids names are going to be. Chandler: You do? Monica: Yeah, I've had them picked out since I was fourteen. Chandler: Oh no, it's gonna be named after some snack or baked good isn't it? Rachel: Well tell us! What are they? Monica: Umm, okay. If it's a boy it's Daniel. Rachel: And if it's a girl? Monica: I don't want to say. Rachel: Oh, just tell us! We're not gonna want it! Monica: Okay. It's Emma. Rachel: (gasps) Emma! (Looks at the baby and starts to cry.) See? I don't want it. Monica: Take it. Rachel: What? Monica: It's clearly an Emma. Rachel: Oh honey, but you love that name. Monica: Yeah, but I love you more. Besides y'know, nothing goes with Bing. So I'm screwed. I mean... (Rachel hands Emma to Monica.) Oh, hi Emma. Yeah, that's you. You're our little Em. Oh what's that honey? What? Oh, you want a little cousin? (To Chandler) You want a cousin right now?! [Scene: A Janitorial Closet, Monica and Chandler are emerging slowly.] Chandler: That was amazing. Monica: I know. Hey, do you realize we may have just changed our lives forever? We may have just started a family. Nine months from now we can be here, having our own baby. Chandler: And if not, we got to do it on a bucket. [Scene: The Recovery Room, Rachel is putting Emma down for a nap.] Janice: (entering) Yoo-hoo! Aaron Litman-Neurolic would like to say hello to his future bride. Rachel: Ohhh! (Looks at Aaron and recoils in horror.) Wow! He kinda takes your breath away doesn't he? Janice: He's a keeper. How are you feeling? Rachel: Oh, I'm fine. (Gasps in pain as she sits down.) Janice: Can I just say, I really admire what you're doing. Just raising her all alone. Rachel: Oh, I'm not doing it alone. I have Ross. Janice: Oh, sure. Now. But what happens when he meets somebody else and gets married? Rachel: Well then he gets a divorce, it's Ross! Janice: I'm telling you Rachel, listen to Janice. They all say they're gonna be there until they start their real family. Rachel: Well I-That's never gonna happen with Ross. Janice: Oh well that's what I thought about my first husband, now I'm lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs. Rachel: Really? Janice: I hate to be the one to say it, but honey you two (Her and Emma) are on your own. Rachel: Well... That's...y'know-That's-We've been alone for the last twenty minutes we're doing okay. Besides y'know what? I-I-Maybe we won't be alone, 'cause lately I-I-things have been happening between me and Ross, y'know? Right before I went into labor, we-we had this kiss. Y'know? So it might be the...the beginning of something. Ross: (entering) Hey Janice! Janice: Oh hi! Ross: Who's this little guy? (Gasps when he sees Aaron.) Janice: Say hello to Aaron, your future son-in-law. Ross: No-no. No. Janice: I'm gonna leave the three of you alone. Ross: Okay. Janice: Bye. (Exits.) Ross: Man! Did you see the kid on that nose? Rachel: Uh-huh. (Ross takes off his coat and sets in on a chair.) Y'know what I was, I was thinking about? Ross: Huh? Rachel: Umm...that kiss before we left the apartment. That was some-something huh? Ross: Yeah. Yeah, it really was. But we...we gotta be careful. We...we can't let that happen again, y'know? Rachel: (pause) Right. Ross: I mean we don't want to go down that road do we? Rachel: No! No, of course not. No. That's why I brought it up. (Pause) They didn't have any sodas? Ross: Oh my God! I'm sorry, I was talking to this nurse, completely forgot. Rachel: That's all right. (He goes to get her a soda.) And so it begins. [Scene: Outside the Nursery, Ross is looking at Emma as Phoebe walks up.] Phoebe: Is she in there? Ross: Yeah. She's putting her down now, that's her. (Points to the nurse putting Emma now.) Phoebe: Oh! Ross: Look at Emma! Phoebe: I just can't decide who she looks more alike, you or Rachel? Ross: Oh what are you kidding? She's gorgeous, it's all Rachel. (Pause) Phoebe: I'm sorry, for the last time, why aren't you two together again? (Silence from Ross.) No, I know. I know, because you're not in that place. Which would be fine, except you totally are. Ross: It's...it's complicated okay? Phoebe: Yeah that's true. Yeah, you love her. You always have. You have a child together. There is no right answer. Ross: Look, we've been together. Okay? And then apart, and then together, and then apart, and now we have a baby. (Pause) It's just if-if we got together again and it didn't work out...I could never do that to Emma. I mean she-she thinking everything-(Starts to cry.) Oh that's...now me. What do they put something in the water in this place? Since Rachel and I we're doing really, we're doing really well right now. Phoebe: I know. I know. I know. I know, and if you try to make it more you might wreck it. Ross: Yeah, exactly. Phoebe: Right. (Pause) Or you might get everything you've wanted since you were fifteen. [Scene: The Delivery Room, Rachel is in bed as Joey enters.] Joey: Hey. I just saw a woman breast feeding both of her twins at the same time; it is like a freak show up here. (Notices she's wiping her eyes.) What's the matter? Rachel: Nothing. Joey: What is it? Hey! Rachel: Really it's nothing. I'm just... Joey: Rach come on, what? Rachel: I've just been thinking about how my baby and I are gonna be all alone. Joey: What are you talking about alone? What about Ross? Rachel: Oh please, he'll be with his real family, the twins and little miss new boobs. Joey: Okay, how long was I watching that woman? Rachel: I'm just saying that y'know, someday Ross is gonna meet somebody and...he's gonna have his own life. Right? Joey: Yeah, I guess so. Rachel: I just never thought I would raise this baby all by myself. Pretty dumb huh? Joey: Hey, listen to me, listen to me...you are never ever gonna be alone. Okay? I promise that's not gonna happen. Rachel: Joey. Honey what would I do without you? (They hug.) Joey: You don't have to worry about that okay? (Pause) Rachel: Oh, hon can you grab me my other box of tissues? They're right on that chair under Ross's coat. Joey: Sure. Rachel: Okay. (He moves Ross's coat to get the tissues and the engagement ring box Mrs. Geller gave him falls out of the pocket it was inside. Joey goes to one knee, picks up the box, opens it, and sees that it's an engagement ring.) Joey: My God. Rachel: Joey. (He turns to face Rachel on one knee with the box open.) Rachel: (seeing the ring) Oh my God. (Pause) Okay. (Joey is stunned.) [Cut to Ross getting of an elevator carrying a bouquet of flowers and walking down the hall to Rachel's room.] [Fade to black.] Closing Credits
doc_216	EXT. CRU Casey : So, if the light we're seeing is millions of years old, then the stars might already be dead. Max : But it's not just the stars that are in the past. It's everything. Even you looking at me now. Casey : So, you're not you? Max : No, I'm me. But you're seeing me one billionth of a second ago. Casey : So... everything is history and relationships are just memories. Max : Except for the light. Casey : Which is in its own present, our past and someone else's future. Max : The Hawking of Hearts. Casey : You know what that means? ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh's room Casey just wakes up. She was dreaming... Casey : What? Why are you staring at me? Ashleigh : You were making out with your pillow. Casey : No, I wasn't! Ashleigh : Must have been an awesome dream. You were drooling. Casey : I don't drool! Much. KT HOUSE - Living room Rusty : All right. Lightning round. Loves rainy sunday mornings, is a Pisces, and can't live without cuts two, three and eight from "The Best of Sting". Ferret. Pickle : He is such a romantic. Rusty : Afraid of apricots? Ben Bennett : Wingnut! Pickle : That's Heath. Rusty : Heath is correct. Wingnut? Ben Bennett : This active recognition test is gonna be tough. I mean, likes, dislikes, embarrassing secrets... Pickle : I know more about the actives now than I ever wanted to know. Rusty : Except for this guy. Joshua Whopper. Pickle : Isn't that the guy who's always carrying a knife? Rusty : Whoever it is, we better figure it out or we're scrubbing toilets until initiation. Beaver : Empty your wallets. Ben Bennett : Why? Heath : Lunch buffet. Rusty : You're shaking us down for a strip club? Beaver : It's not just any strip club. It's Gentlemen's Choice. We need to make a Cappie trip. Rusty : Last time Cappie went to the strip club was when he was... Oh, no. Heath : No one mentions Rebecca. Rusty : Hey, Cap, so you broke up with Reb... Ben Bennett : You weren't supposed to... Cappie : What's going on? Beaver : Nothing. Why? Cappie : Beaver. I'm fine. Pickle : So, I can get my money back then? Beaver : No. Cappie : Any last minute questions on the active recognition test? ART's in two days. Rusty : I have one. I took the liberty of downloading National's list of current actives. Ben Bennett : Suck up. Rusty : There's an active on the list no one has ever seen. Or ever met. Who's Joshua Whopper? Cappie : Extra points for being industrious, Spitter, but don't worry about him. He's not on the test. Rusty : OK, yeah, but according to the rules of the Arts, each pledge must know every active. Cappie : But not Joshua. Trust me. Leave the Whopper alone. Credits ZBZ HOUSE - Dining room Ashleigh : Rebecca's been eating her feelings since 7:00 this morning. It's her second box of cereal. Casey : I wonder if she'll give away her clothes. I wouldn't mind that Marc Jacobs cocktail dress. It was already pretty tight on her. Ashleigh : She and Cappie broke up. Casey : What? Really? Ashleigh : Looking for a job is way harder than I thought. What about babysitting? Casey : And what about your irrational fear of little people? Ashleigh : Good point. Casey : You know, I'm actually thinking of hiring an astronomy tutor. Ashleigh : I could help. I love looking at the stars Casey :. That's what I thought the class was going to be about when I signed up for it. But all we're learning about is black holes, dark matter, alternative universes. Ashleigh : Why don't you drop it? Casey : I still need one science course for general ed. So, who do you think I can get to help me? Ashleigh : Ivy took it last semester. Casey : Ivy? I think we're in a fight or something. Ashleigh : What about Rusty? He's science-y. Casey : And that worked out so well the last time. Ashleigh : Oh, wait. What about Max? Casey : Max? Rusty's friend Max. Ashleigh : He must know all about astronomy. He worked for NASA or something I think. Casey : He's probably pretty busy. Ashleigh : Yeah, you're right. Casey : Still, it couldn't hurt to ask. Thanks. KT HOUSE - Hallway Ben Bennett : Joshua Whopper looks exactly like Abraham Lincoln. Rusty : You see the problem? Pickle : The 16th president of the United States was a Kappa Tau? Rusty : Guys, get the fact that Abe is about 200 years old and was not a Kappa Tau. This is a trap. We have no idea who Joshua Whopper is. Which means, when Cappie said, "Trust me," he probably meant, "Don't trust me. Which means Josh Whopper is going to be on the active recognition test. And after every one of us fails we're going to be breaking out the gas masks, Hazmat suits, and we're gonna go on porcelain patrol until initiation. We gotta find the Whopper. Ben Bennett : How do we do that? Pickle : We look for a guy with a beard and a funny hat. CRU - Max's room Max : Oh. It's you. Casey : Yes. And you're you? You're probably wondering what I'm doing here. Max : Would... Actually, I was thinking about... That's not really relevant now. So... Casey : I really need a tutor for Intro to Astronomy. And I know it's not your major specifically, but Rusty mentioned you had some connection to NASA. Which got me thinking... I really need help with the class. Max... NASA... So I'm here. Max : Maybe this isn't such a good idea. It didn't go too well with blackjack and Casino Night. Casey : Well, I'm big on second chances. Actually, I'm big on third and fourth chances, too. Max : Could you do tonight? 8:00 here? Casey : Sounds... intimate. Max : Well, it's just... where I live. CRU - Administration Pickle : Excuse me, Miss Brown? Sorry. I'm the new guy. And I don't want to be a nark or anything, but I just saw a woman from admissions throw away her recycle bin 'cause she said she hated the Earth. Woman : Was it Constance? Big redhead? Show me, please. Thank you. I can't stand her. I mean, who does that? I've talked to her before about this... While Pickle and the woman leave, Rusty and ben Bennett come... Rusty : Password protected. Ben Bennett : How long is this gonna take you to hack in? Rusty : Well, with the 256 bit encryption and double coded keys, between two hours and never. I need her password. Uh... Jordan. Sarah... Arlo... Ben Bennett : Hey, you know what I always do? I always tape my password to my top drawer. Rusty : No one does that anymore. Both : Password. Rusty : All right, we're in. Joshua Whopper. Physics 405, English Lit 320, Chemistry 401. Straight A's? Ben Bennett : Wait a second. There's a Kappa Tau that's smarter than you? Rusty : Yeah, it appears so. And he has a class tomorrow at Lasker Parks Hall. Let's go. MICHAEL'S HOME Calvin : "40 Year Old Virgin" is a masterpiece. Although "Knocked Up" runs a close second. Michael : But don't you think Judd Apatow's movies can be... a little misogynistic, kind of homophobic? Calvin : Was it the chest waxing thing? Michael : No, it was the "you know how I know you're gay" thing. It objectifies gay life. Calvin : So now you're gonna teach me about being gay? If I recall, last night I taught you a few things. Michael : A point taken. But how many other gay people do you hang out with? I mean, besides me? Calvin : Is that a trick question? Fine. None. Michael : Then you have to admit that your world view is slightly limited. Which is... why I was thinking we could go to Gentlemen's Choice. Calvin : You want to go to a strip club? Michael : No, the other Gentlemen's Choice. The hottest... Well... only gay bar in Cyprus. We'll meet up with some of my friends, we'll hang out. Calvin : Trash Judd Apatow... Michael : You've never been to a gay bar, have you? Calvin : I just don't really like tight shirts and guys in Daisy Dukes. Michael : Don't mock what you don't know. Besides, that's not Gentlemen's Choice. Come on. It wouldn't hurt you to actually hang out with other gay people every now and then. Who knows. Maybe you'll even meet a friend or two. It's time to broaden your horizons. Calvin : Spread my big gay wings? CRU - Dormtroms Max : So you break through the line and no one touches you, you keep on rolling. That's inertia. That's Newton's first law of motion. Then you power right through an undersize fullback. That's Newton's second law, force. Guy : Hell, yeah. Max : OK. Then the third law. You hit the quarterback, knock him out cold. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Guy : Hell, yeah. Casey : Max, I was hoping to understand gamma ray bursts. Max : OK, yeah. That's a rocket of electromagnetic energy created by a collapsing star. Kind of a good and bad thing if one heads our way. Casey : Bad first. Max : Well, the world would plunge into darkness, polar ice caps would melt and deep sea creatures would rule the earth. Casey : And the good? Max : Well, no more student loans. Casey : Got it. But that would never happen, right? Max : Casey. No matter how invested you are in your view of the universe, you have to be prepared for things to change. Casey : Are we talking about gamma rays or something else? Max : I don't know... Maybe neither. EXT. CRU Rusty : That's not something you see every day. Ben Bennett : What? Rusty : Cappie on campus. CRU - Class Rusty : Dr. Shapiro? Teacher : If you have any questions about today's lecture, my office hours are this afternoon from 3:00-5:00. Rusty : No, I'm fine with today's lecture. Actually, I'm not even in your class. I just had a question about one of your students. I'm looking for Joshua Whopper. Teacher : It's a lecture class. I don't know everyone individually. Rusty : Are you sure? Teacher : Well, anyone with an A in my class doesn't come to office hours. Sorry, gentlemen. Ben Bennett : Well, we're dead. Cappie's gonna ask us who Joshua Whopper is, and we got zip. Rusty : Wait. It's crazy. What if Josh... No. Cappie on campus... Ben Bennett : Why are you talking to yourself? I'm standing right here. Rusty : OK, Joshua's smart. He's secretive. He has dozens of majors. He hangs out at Lasker Parks Hall. What if Joshua Whopper is Cappie? EXT. CRU Ashleigh : Wow. That sounds great. I'm gonna be a naturalist intern. Casey : You'll have to wear hiking boots. Ashleigh : So, how was your tutoring session? Casey : I'm less confused about astronomy and more confused about Max. OK, here it goes. I kind of like him. Ashleigh : Oh, he's cute. Weird, but cute. So, how was it? Was it all gushy and romantic? Or did he get all science-y and weird? Casey : Neither. Both. I don't know. Honestly, I'm not sure what happened. Ashleigh : Wait. He's not just an Evan/Cappie in a dork suit, is he? Casey : No, that's the strange thing. He's totally unlike Evan or even Cappie. Max is so far outside my normal dating pool, I can't read him at all. It's like all the usual fraternity/sonority dating rituals have been tossed out the window. We're from different planets. Ashleigh : You need a translator. Someone who can speak both Greek and geek. KT HOUSE - Cappie's room Cappie : French maid, hers. Amazon princess, hers. Rusty : What happened with you and Rebecca? Cappie : We figured we were headed in different directions, so better to cut it off now before anyone got hurt. Devil temptress, hers. Super chick. That's mine. Where are the bracelets? Rusty : And you're OK? Cappie : You mean do I need to go and get hammered at Gentlemen's Choice, pay a bunch of naked girls to pretend they love me? No. That sounds like fun. Rusty : You're not joshing me? Cappie : Nope. I'm not joshing you. Oh, let's see. Margaret Thatcher. Mine. Rusty : Margaret Thatcher was one whopper of a prime minister? Maybe she was listening to Josh Groban, watching Judge Wapner. Cappie : I'll bite. Rusty : I know who Joshua Whopper is. Cappie : No. You don't. Rusty : Oh, yeah, I do. Dozens of majors, secretive about his name, smarter than he lets on and he was walking out of Lasker Parks Hall. I saw him. He's you. You're him. Cappie : Rusty, you don't want to go there. Rusty : Why not? I figured it out, didn't I? I know your real name. Cappie : You don't. Because if you dug a little deeper, Nancy Drew, you would have discovered that Joshua Whopper has been a student at CRU since 1984, which just so happens was a dark time for the Kappa Taus. "Thanks to the invention of the microchip, CRU was finally able to track grades by computer. And the administration began to enforce Greek minimum grade point averages. It didn't appear that the Kts would survive. The only person in the house making grades was a pledge. Lasker Parks, a computer science geek." Rusty : Lasker Parks? He invented the... Cappie : Uh, Spitter, don't interrupt. "So, Lasker enlisted his pledge class for help. They stole the password to the university mainframe and for their pledge project they created Joshua Whopper, a computer program. A safeguard to ensure that the Kts will never again fall prey to grade standards. Every semester the program chooses random large classes and enrolls Joshua Whopper and awards him an A." Rusty : So, the less attention Joshua Whopper gets, the better. Cappie : Yeah. And don't tell the pledges about him. This is something you're supposed to learn as an active. Rusty : Well, why do we even need him? It's... Cappie : Have you seen our grades? Without Josh they would have shut us down years ago. So, you understand why this has to remain a secret? Rusty : Totally. Oh. Hey, you forgot this. Cappie : Nope. That's mine. EXT. CRU Ashleigh : So, it turns out a food service coordinator is actually... Calvin : The guy who makes the French fries. Ashleigh : Exactly. Which is why I told him I'd go broke keeping my pores clean. Calvin : I'm sure they understood. Ashleigh : I know, right? Plus, if I took the job I'd have even less time to see you. Calvin : Yeah, I know. It has gotten pretty intense with Michael and me. Ashleigh : I knew you guys would hit it off. Hey, why don't we all go to Dobler's tonight? You treat this time and then I'll pay when I get a... Maybe... Maybe I could be a bouncer. Calvin : I'm actually hanging out with Michael tonight. Ashleigh : That's... good. Calvin : But you should come. Ashleigh : Really? Calvin : Yeah. I wouldn't mind the company. We're going to Gentlemen's Choice. Ashleigh : The strip club? Calvin : No, the other one. Ashleigh : Oh. Yay ! CRU - Dale & Rusty's room Dale : ... is afraid of the color green, has never eaten chicken, and likes to chase geese? Rusty : Jeremy. Dale : Dude, do you honestly want these guys to be your brothers? I don't even know how most of these kids got into CRU. And what kind of parents name their kid Ferret? Rusty : You promised not to disparage. Dale : I'm sorry. I'm just not impressed, that's all. Here's a winner. "Barks at parked cars." Rusty : That's Pillbox. Dale : Sadly correct. This guy has some promise. Smart, stable, good family life. Real name? Rusty : I don't know. I give up. Dale : Joshua Whopper. Someone knock on door... Rusty : I think we're done. Dale : Who is this guy? Is he smarter than me? Rusty opens the door... Dale : Hey, Casey. Just... helping out your little brother here. You know, 'cause I care. Casey : Rusty, can I talk to you for a sec? In private? Rusty : Sure. Dale : No, no. You guys don't have to leave. I'll just, uh, listen to my music. You know, meditate. Expand my mind. Rusty : What's up? Casey : Rusty. There's someone on the honors engineering floor who I kind of like. Rusty : Here? Casey : I kind of like... Max. Rusty : I should warn him. Casey : What do you mean? Rusty : 'Cause you date like Sherman marched, Casey. With scorched Earth and broken spirits left in your wake. Casey : OK, A: ouch, and B: all I need you to d is find out if he likes me. That's it. Rusty : That's just way too junior high dating strategy. Casey : How would you know? Rusty : OK, A: ouch. And B: because I read your diary. Casey : Fine. Please, Rusty. Please, Rusty, please! Rusty : OK. Stop, stop. All right, I'll do it. Casey : I knew I could count on you, little brother. Rusty : I'm the best. Casey : Yes, you are. Casey leaves... Dale : Max? Really? The guy's a freakin' loser. KT HOUSE - Hallway Someone ring the frontdoor bell...Cappie opens the door... Woman : Hi. I'm looking for Joshua Whopper. Cappie : Why would you... Why would you need to do that? Woman : I'm Claire Golan, Dr. Shapiro's TA, and after some students came to Dr. Shapiro looking for him she checked her midterms. His test is missing, which means Dr. Shapiro's gonna kill me. Cappie : Well, Claire, I'm sorry to hear that, but it was nice knowing you. Woman : Then she'll take it to the Gender Studies Review Board, then the Academic Review Board. Cappie : All those people will have to meet Joshua Whopper? Woman : Yes, they would. Unless I can get this all cleared up. Cappie : Today's your lucky day, because... I'm Joshua Whopper. Woman : You are? Great. Then would tonight be OK, 9:00? Cappie : Sure. For what? Woman : For the make up midterm. While the material's still fresh? Cappie : Tonight, tonight? Woman : That's so cool of you. You're a total lifesaver. Cappie : Hey, Claire, I'm taking two gender studies classes with Dr. Shapiro. Which one is this again? Woman : The Phallus. CRU - Max's room Rusty : So, you're tutoring my sister now? Max : Yeah, we only did it once. No, I mean tutoring. I'm not... I didn't... I wasn't saying that... Rusty : OK, thank you. Good to know. Dale : I've won a lot of awards too, Max. A lot bigger than the... National Science Foundation gold medal. Max : Oh, that one. I assisted Professor Lowy with his work on fuel cell technology. Dale, maybe you can answer this. Why do they always put the environmental awards on the wooden plaques? Dale : Nobody likes a show-off, Max. Rusty : But with all that studying and tutoring, I bet you don't have much time to date. Max : No. Not really. Dale : European Science Foundation Legion of Honor? Max : Ah, the Neues Schloss Hotel in Zurich is pretty cool. Rusty : It's hard to tell if they like you as much as you like them. So you test the waters... Max : Agreed. Maybe... maybe it'd be smart to... ask a family member. See if the other person's interested... Dale : For heaven's sake, will somebody just say what they really mean? Max, I demand to know your intentions. Max : Is he all right? Rusty : Apparently not. Who's that? She's pretty. Is that your sister? Max : Girlfriend. Dale : Thank you. ZBZ HOUSE - Living room Casey : I don't get it. I asked him to tutor me. Why didn't he just say he had a girlfriend? Rusty : Why would he do that? Casey : You're kidding, right? Asking him to tutor me meant I was interested in going out. If he has a girlfriend he should have said no. Rusty : What would you say if you just wanted him to help you with your class? Casey : That I wanted him to tutor me. You really didn't pay very close attention to my diary. You know what? I'm bowing out before this gets super complicated. This is what you get when you try to date amateurs. Will you make sure Max gets it? I owe him for an hour of tutoring. Rusty's cellphone rings... Rusty : Hey, Cap ! What's, uh... OK, I'll be right there. A few minutes later...In the dining room... Ashleigh : Looks like we have a 1066 here. Rebecca : Serial killer? Ashleigh : Major crime alert. I'm thinking of becoming a student security officer. Rebecca : Their uniforms are hideous. Ashleigh : OK, you know what you need? Rebecca : A bigger spoon? Ashleigh : An evening out with me and Calvin at Gentlemen's Choice. Rebecca : The strip club? Ashleigh : No. The other one. Rebecca : I'll take a pass. I'm not in the mood to hang out in a bar packed with guys. Ashleigh : But these guys are exactly what you need. Gay bars are tailor made for depressed straight girls. There's lots of great music, hot guys that don't hit on you, and all night they tell you you're fabulous. KT HOUSE - Cappie's room Rusty : All right, lightning round. Who said a male's masculinity is defined by his relationship with not only his but a woman's phallatical display? Cappie : I have no idea, but it sounds kind of he-she. Rusty : No offense, but we're screwed. This books are scary thick and I can't even wrap my head around the class description in the syllabus. "The thrust of the phallus is how perceptions of masculinity affect psycho, social and interpersonal relationships." Cappie : Rusty, don't go soft on me. Rusty : Cap, I'm beat. This class is really hard. I just can't cram it in fast enough. Cappie : All right. We need a helping hand. Reach under those books. Rusty : What are you thinking? Cappie : We get everybody in here, we bang our heads together, everyone pitches in. If Joshua Whopper's going down he's not taking the rest of us with him. Clearly we've all taken gender roles for granted. [SCENE_BREAK] KT HOUSE - Living room Beaver : I've never had such clarity before. Maybe we'd be better brothers if we treated each other as sisters. Heath : An open exchange of feelings. Beaver : Sadly, it appears our phalluses have led us astray. Cappie : I'm gonna miss you. I'm gonna miss you, too. Beaver : Now I know I have a heart... because it's breaking. Cappie : And, uh... I think I'm gonna miss you most of all, Scarecrow. Rusty : I'm going with you. Cappie : Right. Sorry. Heath : Hey, Beav, are you... Are you crying? Beaver : Yes, and I don't care. But I didn't get you anything. Ben Bennett : Later. Just take a sip. Pickle : We were thinking about going to the backyard, just blowing some stuff up. All : Yes! ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Max : Hey, Casey? Sorry to bother you. I came to return your check. I can't cash it. Casey : I had a feeling you weren't going to make this easy. Max : No, it's not... Casey : Look. I gave you a check. It's yours. Do what you want. Consider it a lovely parting gift. Clearly, you have some issues. You need to work them out, and I wish you luck with those. Max : No, Casey, you didn't sign the bottom of it. Casey : Right. Great. So I'll just get a pen, then. Max : Casey, wait. He Kisses her... Max : Hmm...Bye... ZBZ HOUSE - Casey& Ashleigh's room Casey : And then he just left. No, fled. Fled is more the word. He does that a lot. He's so weird. I don't even know why I care. Ashleigh : Well, how was it? Casey : What? The kiss? It was... great. Really great. Which pisses me off even more. Ashleigh : Why? Casey : Because even with all those brains he's just Evan in a dork suit. He has a girlfriend, remember? Ashleigh : Well, maybe he's looking to turn his twosome into a threesome. Casey : Max? Please. He's the sweetest... least corruptible guy in the world. Ashleigh : It's always the quiet ones. Casey : Well, then I'm just gonna yell at him, Ash. Perfect. Where are you going? Ashleigh : Calvin is meeting Rebecca and I at Gentlemen's Choice. Do you want to come? You're going with Calvin to a strip club? Casey : No, the other one. GENTLEMEN'S CHOICE (The Other One) Michael : What do you think? Calvin : It's not so scary. Kind of nice. Michael : And maybe you'll find another gay guy on the planet to talk to. Calvin : Yeah. Chances of that are highly unlikely. Michael : I got it. Calvin : Heath. Heath : Hey. Calvin. Calvin : Heath, this is my boyfriend, Michael. Michael : Hi, Michael. You guys know each other? Heath : Yeah. I'm a Kappa Tau. He's an Omega Chi. We're like, locked in mortal combat. Michael : Mortal enemies. I got it. Ashleigh : Calvin ! Hey ! You want to go this way? Michael : Hey, Calvin. The plan was for you to hang out with gay guys, not straight girls. Calvin : I know, but Ashleigh called me and said Rebecca needed a pick-me-up. Bad breakup. Michael : Say no more. Me and my buddies will handle it. Calvin : So, where's Greg? Heath : I don't know. We broke up about a month ago. Calvin : You broke up with Greg. Heath : Yeah. Guy : Can't we take the night off? Michael : Duty calls. If straight guys weren't so insensitive then we wouldn't be left to pick up the pieces. But they are so this is part of the job. OK, go. Gay Guy : Oh, my God. You two look so fabulous. And crazy hot. Are you gonna dance with me or am I gonna have to call my friends over for some help? Rebecca : We'll dance. Ashleigh : See? Heath : First time here? Calvin : Yeah, first time. Heath : What do you think? Calvin : It's OK. Michael wanted me to make some new friends. Preferably ones that weren't into Judd Apatow. Heath : You know how I know you're gay? Both : You're in Gentlemen's Choice. CRU - Class Cappie : Then Lacan stated that man finds satisfaction for his demand for love in the relation with the woman. And as much as the signifier of the phallus constitutes her as giving in love, which she does not have. Rusty : Yes. What about Furhagen? Cappie : The relationship between man and woman beyond the phallus is the very same as the relationship between the subject and the real of its body. Rusty : Yes, yes. What about...? Cappie : You know, Spitter, the answer to every question is the same. The phallus half of the relationship has a tendency to screw things up. Rusty : Cap? Cappie : I couldn't step up for Rebecca. I couldn't change. She need more. She need real support and I couldn't give it to her. So... I miss her. EXT. Calhoun Hall Casey : There you are. Hey, tutor. I just have one last question. Did you think that kissing me would make me somehow want you more? Who do you think you are? Max : That's two questions. Casey : Regardless of what you might have heard, I'm no longer about crazy, dysfunctional triangles. I'm not going to be a one man girl to a guy who's a two girl man. I mean, why can't anyone just have a normal relationship? Is that so difficult? Max : No. Casey : What would your girlfriend say if she knew what you were up to? Max : She's not exactly my girlfriend anymore. Casey : If she's not exactly your girlfriend anymore, then why would you call her your girlfriend to Rusty? And why do you keep a picture of her? Did she break your heart or something? Max : Yeah. Casey : I get it. It's tough. Trust me. I am the queen of not letting go. But you've got to move on. Max : My girlfriend's dead. Casey : Good progress. I know it seems harsh, but admitting that she's dead to you is the first step to moving on. You know, I had to do the same thing with my last boyfriend. It's not like we don't all have old ghosts. Max : My girlfriend, she really is dead. We met freshman year in the dorms. And then just before junior year she discovered this tiny lump on her neck. That's when it started. Casey : I'm sorry, Max. When did she die? Max : About six months ago. Casey : You know, when I was 17, Rusty had this cat that nobody liked. Nobody except for him. She was kind of a cross between a Bengal and an actual Bengal tiger. The day I was nominated for prom queen I wanted to celebrate, so I borrowed my mom's car. And I hadn't driven much, so I was nervous. Then when I pulled out of the garage... Max : You drove over the cat. Casey : And I just compared a dead cat to your girlfriend who died of cancer. It's just I've never... known anyone who died. Except for Rusty's cat. Max : It's OK. You're not the first person who's done it. Casey : Do people talk about cats? Max : I get a lot of different reactions when I talk about her. Which is usually why I try to just avoid the subject all together. It's... It's still tough. You know? And I guess that's why I haven't really gone out with anyone since she died. Casey : Got you. Max : Casey. I don't think now is a good time. And it's not you feeling weird. It's me too. I thought I would be over her, ready to move on. But the more I'm... more I'm around you, the more I think of her. And I just... I like thinking about her. Casey : Well, maybe we should both just say good night. Good night, Max. KT HOUSE - Basement Cappie : What is Beaver's favorite color? Rusty : Chartreuse. Beaver : Reminds me of beer. Heath : Why do we call Brother Doug "Corn Nuts?" Rusty : Myrtle Beach. He went out for a salty ocean swim, laid out naked and roasted his... corn nuts. Beaver : OK, last question, Pledge Spitter. Cappie is your big brother. Tell us something about him that only you would know that you've learned in the last 24 hours. Rusty : Cappie's not Joshua Whopper. Cappie : They gout. My clean a bruder. Beaver : Turn around! EXT. CRU Michael : What do you want to do tonight? Calvin : I suppose watching Superbad would be out of the question? Michael : If you agree to go to a seminar on queer musicology. Calvin : Yeah, I guess the Apatow Dvds will stay in the closet. Michael : Then how about Gentlemen's Choice? Calvin : You know, I liked that. Michael : Yeah? I noticed. You never mentioned that you knew a Kappa Tau. Calvin : Heath? We... met during rush, you know. It's no big deal. Ashleigh comes... Ashleigh : Oh, my God. I got the job. Girl : And you can start your first exciting campus tour next week. Ashleigh : Oh, my god! I have a job! KT HOUSE - Party Rusty : Hey cap. I'm sorry for messing things up with Joshua Whopper. Cappie : It's OK. Rusty : We can always depend on you. You're the one who got the A in Shapiro's make up exam. Cappie : I got lucky. It actually turned out to be one of the best classes I've never taken. Rusty : You know, sometimes people can change. It just takes the right person. Even phalluses... can grow. Cappie : You should be ashamed of yourself, Spittles. To Joshua Whopper. Too bad Joshua couldn't make his own party. After his stellar showing of the phallus, he's back to work doing what he does best. Making our house a little bit better. Because Joshua Whopper embodies the very best of Kappa Tau. He's unselfish, dedicated and he's always willing to put his brothers first. To Joshua Whopper. CRU - Astronomy class Casey : Andromeda, Pleiades... Orion's belt, Big Dipper, and.... Max : Lyra. Ashleigh said you might be here. Casey : This is the only part of the class I enjoy. But after a while it all starts looking the same. Max : The trick to the constellations is to know the stories behind them. Lyra's my favorite. It was the musical instrument of Orpheus, the greatest musician that ever lived. Casey : I have all his CDs. Kidding. Max : Do you know the story? So, Orpheus loved one thing more than music and that was Eurydice, the most beautiful girl that ever lived. But she died. She was poisoned. And Orpheus could not live without her. So he went down to Hades to bring her back. The ruler of Hades agreed, but there was a catch. If he turned back to look at her face she'd be gone forever. Just before he got to the surface he heard this rock crash behind him, so he turned back to see if she was all right. And that was it. The gates to the underworld slammed shut she was gone forever. Casey : That's terrible. What happened to him? Max : He... He spent the rest of his life wandering the Earth alone. Casey : Do you want to take a look? Max : No. I'm not turning back. They kiss....
doc_217	Produced by: Robert Carlock & Wendy Knoller [Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch and Phoebe enters.] Phoebe: Hi All: Hey! Hi! Rachel: How was the honeymoon? Phoebe; Oh, incredible! Oh! Champagne, candle-lit dinners, moonlight walks on the beach, it was sooo ro-man-tic! Rachel: Oh! Chandler: So, where's Mike? Phoebe: Oh, he's at the doctor, he didn't poop the whole time we were there! Joey: Well anyway, I'm glad you're back, I really need your help. Phoebe: Oh, why? What's up? Joey: I have an audition for this play and for some of it I have to speak French. Which, according to my résumé, I'm fluent in. Ross: Joey, you shouldn't lie on your résumé. Monica: Yeah, you really shouldn't. (to Ross, sarcastically) By the way, how was that year-long dig in Cairo? Ross: (whispering) It was ok... Rachel: I did not know you spoke French. Phoebe: Oui, bien sur je parle Français! Qu'est-ce que tu penses alors? Rachel: Oh... you're so sexy! Joey: Well, so, will you help me? I really wanna be in this play. Phoebe: Sure! Tout le plaisir est pour moi, mon ami. Rachel: Seriously stop it, or I'm gonna jump on ya. OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.] Chandler: Hey. Monica: Hey. Chandler: Why are you wearing my apron? Monica: I'm making cookies for Erica. And oh, by the way, we have to leave for the airport soon, her plane comes in about an hour. Chandler: Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as "my wife" and "the woman who's carrying my child"? (she's not amused) No? Divorce? Ross: (he enters) Hey. Monica: Hey. Ross: You guys know where Rachel is? Monica: No, we haven't seen her since this morning. Ross: So unbelievable. She was supposed to meet me half an hour ago with Emma. (he tries to take a cookie but Monica slaps his hand) Monica: Hey! Ross: Hey! Monica: These are for Erica! Ross: What? She's gonna eat all those cookies? Monica: Well, I want he baby to come out all cute and fat! Ross: So, why is Erica coming to visit? Monica: Well, because we want to get to know her better and she's never been to New York so she wants to see all the tourists' spots... you know, Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building... Chandler: Oh, those places! There's always so many people, their being corralled like cattle, and... you know, there's always some idiot who goes "Mooooo"! Monica: Well, if it annoys you so much, then why do you do it? Ross: (looking at Rachel entering with Emma) Oh, hi! Hi! Thanks for showing you up thirty minutes late! Rachel: Ross... Ross: No, no, no, I'm sure you have a great excuse, wh-was it a hair appointment, a mani-pedi or was there a sale at Barney's? Rachel: My father had an heart attack... (crying) ...while I was at Barney's. Ross: Oh my God. Monica: Honey. Chandler: I'm so sorry... Ross: Is-is he ok? Rachel: Yeah, they said he's gonna be fine, but he's still heavily sedated. Ross: Ok, ok. I'm gonna come out to Long Island with you, I mean, you can't be alone right now. Rachel: No, come on, I'm totally ok. (hugging him) I don't need you to come! I can totally handle this on my own. Ross: Still-still, let me come... for me. Rachel: Ok. If you really need to. Ross: I bet someone could use one of Monica's freshly baked cookies. Rachel: Oh, I really could. Ross: Oh! Rachel: Ohh... (Ross mouths HA-HA at Monica and takes two cookies and she looks at him angrily) [Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's trying to teach Joey French, so she's sitting in front of him with the script in her hands.] Phoebe: All right, it seems pretty simple. Your first line is "My name is Claude", so, just repeat after me. "Je m'appelle Claude". Joey: Je de coup Clow. Phoebe: Well, just... let's try it again. Joey: Ok. Phoebe: Je m'appelle Claude. Joey: Je depli mblue. Phoebe: Uh. It's not... quite what I'm saying. Joey: Really? It sounds exactly the same to me. Phoebe: It does, really? Joey: Yeah. Phoebe: All right, let just try it again. Really listen. Joey: Got it. Phoebe: (slowly) Je m'appelle Claude. Joey: Je te flouppe Fli. Phoebe: Oh, mon Dieu! Joey: Oh, de fuff! Monica: (entering with Erica and Chandler) Hey you guys. Phoebe: Hi! Joey: Hey. Monica: I want you to meet someone really special. Phoebe, this is Erica. And this is the baby! Phoebe: Oh! Monica: Joey. Erica, baby! Joey: Hi. Monica: Everyone. Erica, baby! Chandler: Monica. Calm, self. Erica: Thank you. It's really nice to meet you guys, I can't believe I'm here! Joey: Welcome to New York City! Or should I say "ghe deu flooff New York City"? Chandler: Why would you say that? Phoebe: Ok. What are you gonna be doing today? Erica: I wanna see everything! Times Square, Coney Island, Rockefeller Center... Joey: Oh, you know what you should do? You should walk all the way at the top of Statue of Liberty. Erica: Oh yeah, let's do that! Chandler: Great! (to Monica) This baby'd better to be really good. [Scene: Hospital.] Rachel: (stopping a nurse who's coming out of a room) Oh, uhm, excuse me, I'm here to see my father. My name is Rachel Green. Ross: And I'm Doctor Ross Geller. Rachel: Ross, please, this is a hospital, ok? That actually means something here. Rachel: Can somebody please go in? Nurse: Absolutely. Ross: Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here, because my throat is feeling a little scratchy, I don't want to infect him. Rachel: Ross, please, don't be so scared of him! Ross: I'm not scared of him, I'm really sick! Nurse: He's under sedation, so he's pretty much out. Ross: I'm feeling better. Rachel: Oh! (They enter. Rachel sees his father, lying on a bed, with tubes, drip and everything) Oh! Oh my God! Ohhh, ohhh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh? Nurse: Miss Green, your father's doctor is on the phone if you'd like to speak to him. Rachel: Oh, great, Are you gonna be ok? Ross: He's unconscious, I think we'll be just fine! Rachel (leaving): Ok. (Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.) Ross: Did the TV wake you? Dr. Green: No, when you put your feet up in my bed, you tugged on my catheter. Ross: Ouchy. Dr. Green: What are you doing here, Geller? Ross: Well, I came with Rachel, who should be back any second! (pause) So what's new? Dr. Green: Ooh, I have a little heart attack. Ross: Right, is it painful? Dr. Green: What, the heart attack or sitting here talking to you? Ross (he buzzes for the nurse) Let's see if we can get that Rachel back here. Dr. Green: So what's new with you, uh, knocked up any more of my daughters lately? Ross: Nope, just the one. RACH! [Scene: Joey's apartment. Phoebe is trying to teach Joey French.] Phoebe: Je m'appelle Claude. Joey: Je do call blue! Phoebe: Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let's try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. "je". Joey: je. Phoebe: m'ap Joey: mah Phoebe: pelle Joey: pel. Phoebe: Great, ok faster! "je" Joey: je. Phoebe: m'ap Joey: mah Phoebe: pelle Joey: pel. Phoebe: Je m'appelle! Joey: Me pooh pooh! Phoebe: Ok, it's too hard, I can't teach you! Joey: What are you doing? Phoebe: I, I have to go before I put your head through a wall. (she leaves) Joey: (he goes out calling her) Don't move! Don't go! I need you! My audition is tomorrow! Shah blue blah! Me lah peeh! Ombrah! (he gives up). Pooh. [Scene: Green's mansion. Rachel's Room. Rachel's is combing her hair; Ross's coming into the room] Ross: Hey! Rachel: Hi! Ross: I was gonna make us some dinner but all I found in your dad's fridge was bacon and heavy cream. (pause) I think we solved the mystery of the heart attack. Rachel: Uh. (pause) Did you call your parents? Ross: Oh, yeah. Emma's doing great. Rachel: Oh good. Ross: Wow. Rachel: What? Ross: Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room. Rachel: What do you mean? You've been in my room before! Ross: Yeah, sure, right! Like I've ever been in Rachel Green's room. Rachel: Ok I gotta tell ya, it's really weird when you use my whole name. Ross: Sorry. (Rachel sits on her bed). You ok? Rachel: Yeah. Ross: You had a rough day, uh? Rachel: Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't expect doctors to get sick! Ross: But we do! (pause) It's gonna be ok, Rach! Rachel: (she's sad) Ow. I don't want him to wake up alone! I should go to the hospital! Ross: What? No, no! Hey, hey, hey look... Rachel: What? Ross: They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok? Rachel: Really, I shouldn't feel guilty? Ross: No, God! Hey, Rach, you've been an amazing daughter, ok? Right now you just need to get some rest. Rachel: Ok, maybe you're right. Ross: (he kisses her on her forehead) Good night. Rachel: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Would you stay here with me for a little while? Ross: Sure! Rachel: Ok. (She sits on the bed and Ross sits near her) Thank you for coming with me today. Ross: Oh, of course... Rachel: Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room! Ross: Me too. Come here. (They hug) Rachel: I just don't want to be alone tonight. Ross: Ok, well, uh, I can maybe grab a sleeping bag, or...(There's one of those moments. They're staring at each other, no word uttered, and then she leans toward him in order to kiss him, but he ducks and avoids her more than once.) Oh, oh. (he then hugs her and when she tries to kiss him again, he stands up and she falls down on the bed). No, Rach! I'm sorry, I just don't think this, this, this is a good idea. Rachel: Wait, we won't know that until we do it, will we? Ross: No, look, uh. You are upset about your father and you're feeling vulnerable and I just don't feel it would be right, I'd feel like I'd be, you know, taking advantage of you. Rachel: Taking advantage? I'm giving you the advantage, enjoy! Ross: Look, I'm sure it would be great, but I-I think one of us has to be thinking clearly, so, I'm gonna go! Rachel: Wow. Ok. Ross: I'll see you in the morning (he leaves). Rachel: Mhm-mh! Ross: (outside her room, talking by himself) Haven't had sx in four months, I should get a medal for that! [Scene: Monica's apartment. Monica and Erica have just arrived.] Erica: Thanks so much for taking me to all those places. I had a great time. Monica: Oh, I'm glad. Listen, I want to apologize about Chandler, though. I just did not see this coming. Chandler: (enters the room wearing an "I love New York" t-shirt, a "Statue of Liberty" hat and carrying bags) New York is awesome! Monica: What is with you? Chandler: Yeah, I've been to these places before, but I've never really seen them, you know. Monica: Yeah, you miss alot, when you're moo-ing. Erica: Thanks so much for showing me around. Monica: Oh! It was our pleasure. We are so much enjoying getting to know you. Erica: Well, if there is anything else you wanna know... (Monica and Chandler look at each other) Chandler: Oh, uhm, okay, uhm, do you mind if we ask you some questions about the father? Erica: Oh, sure. Yeah, well, he was my high school boyfriend. Captain of the football team, really cute and he got a scholarship and went off to college. (Monica and Chandler are smiling from ear to ear) Chandler: That's great. Erica: Yeah... it's almost definitely him. (Monica and Chandler look confused now) Monica: How's that now? Erica: Well, there is a chance it's another guy. I mean, I have only ever been with two guys, but they sorta overlapped. Chandler: So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to college too? Erica: No, he's in prison. (More shocked looks from Monica and Chandler) Monica: Was he falsely accused of something? (They look hopeful) Erica: No... he killed his father with a shovel. (Monica and Chandler's jaws drop) But other than that, he's a great guy. Chandler: I'll bet his dad doesn't think so. (Time lapse. Chandler and Monica are in bed now) Monica: Are you awake? Chandler: Of course I'm awake. Assume from now on that I'm always awake! (He turns the light on) Monica: Alright, we don't know that it's him. I mean, it could be the football guy. Chandler: Honey, it's us. Of course it's the shovel-killer. Monica: Alright, lets say that it is him, would we not want the baby? No! Would we treat him any differently? Chandler: I'd keep an eye on him! We have to find out which one the father is. Monica: How? Chandler: I dunno, aren't there tests for these things, right? Monica: Yeah, but maybe we're just over-reacting. Chandler: Pff, easy for you to say, he's a father killer. He probably loves him mommy. He's probably got a tattoo that says "mom" on his shovel-wielding arm! [Scene: Joey's apartment. He is sitting on the barcalounger holding a French study book and listening to a French learning tape.] Tape: We will now count from one to five. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq. Joey: Huh, un, blu, bla, flu, flenk! Tape: Good job. Joey: Thank you. (Phoebe enters) Phoebe: Hey Joey. Joey: Hey! Phoebe: Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot and, and I know, I was too impatient. SO lets try it again. Joey: Oh, no, that's okay, I don't need your help. I worked on it myself and I gotta say, I am pretty good! Phoebe: Really, can I hear some of it. Joey: Sure, sure. Ok, (clears his throat and starts to read from his script. He starts talking in a fake French accent, making gestures with his hands) "Bleu de la bleu, de la blu bla bleu" (Phoebe looks astonished, annoyed and disgusted, Joey seems very proud though) See? Phoebe: Well, you're not, (she tries to smile and contain her anger, but loses it) You're not... you're not... again, you're not SPEAKING FRENCH! Joey: (offended) Oh well I think I am, yeah and I think I'm definitely gonna get the part. Phoebe: How could you possibly think that? Joey: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The hospital. Rachel is pouring her self a cup of coffee. Ross approaches from behind.] Ross: Hey Rach, can you grab me a cup of coffee? Rachel: (She turns around very slowly, looks at him for a second and then turns back to her coffee) Sure. (She gives him the cup she was pouring for herself without looking at him) Ross: You've been quiet all morning. Is everything okay? Rachel: Hmm-hmm. (starts to pour herself a cup of coffee, never looking at Ross) Ross: You sure you're alright? Rachel: (coldly) Yep. Ross: (knowing she's not alright) O-kay. Well, I'm gonna go grab us some breakfast. (He starts to leave) Rachel: FYI.. Ross: (knew this was coming) There it is... (he comes back) Rachel: In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sx... just do it. (she smiles fakely at him) Ross: (half amused) Wait, wait, (looks around a little) You're mad at me about last night? I was just trying to do the right thing. Rachel: (sarcastically) Really? Well, it seems to me if you'd done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed, I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied! Ross: (acknowledging the last part of her sentence) Well... Rachel: Oh stop that! Ross: I can't believe this. I was just being a good guy. I treated you with respect and understanding. Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh, that is so hot. She walks around him to the other side) Ross: Hey, I was looking out for you. Rachel: Oh, really, well Ross, you know what? I am a big girl. I don't need someone telling me what is best for me. Ross: I gotta say, I have not had sx a lot of times before, this is the worst ever. Rachel: Oh, really, really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either. (She turns to leave and Ross over takes her and stands infront on her, his back to the row of doors leading to the hospital rooms) Ross: Hey you know what? You know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sx again. Rachel: What? Ross: That's right, sx is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sx with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Erica enter, Chandler is in the kitchen.] Chandler: Hey! How was lunch? Erica: (To Chandler) We had a good time. By the way, I wanted to ask you something. It would really mean a lot to me, if the baby was a boy, that you name him after my father, Jiminy Billy Bob (Monica smiles at Chandler and his he looks shocked and scared, getting no support from his wife) Chandler: (struggling) Oh, really? Erica: No! (To Monica) You we're right, that was fun! I'm gonna go finish packing. Chandler: O-okay. (steps closer to Monica and speaks softly) So, is she gonna take the test? Monica: Nope, she doesn't have to, I found out who the father is. Chandler: Oh God. It's shovely-Joe, isn't it? Monica: (smiling) No it's not. Chandler: How do you know? Erica: Well, it turns out that Erica didn't pay much attention in sx Ed class, because the thing she did with that prison guy... it'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way. Chandler: Oh God! What was it? The thing that we hardly ever do or the thing we never do? Monica: The thing we never do. Chandler: (nods in appreciation) Shovely Joe! [Scene: The theatre where Joey is auditioning. Phoebe enters when Joey's on stage and she sits down. He hasn't seen her.] Director: Whenever you're ready Joey. Joey: Right. (clears his throat) Dja bu bu Claude. Uh, c'est la pu les la lu blah bloo. Casting assistant: I'm sorry, what's going on? Joey: Dude, come on! French it u-up! Director: Joey, do you speak French? Joey: Toutes la smore! Bu blu-ay bloo blah ooh! Pfoof! Director: You know what. I think this audition is over. (Joey looks disappointed, but understands.) Phoebe: (in a French accent) Uh, excuse me. Uh, I am Reginé Philange. I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the regional dialect of my French town of Estée Lauder. Director: You really think this man is speaking French? Joey: Sa-sa-saw! Phoebe: Écoutez, je vais vous dire la vérité. C'est mon petit frère. Il est un peu retardé. (Translation: Listen, I will tell you the truth. He's my little bother. He's a bit retarded.) (The director looks at Joey and he nods.) Phoebe: Alors, si vous pouviez jouer le jeu avec lui... (Translation: So, would you please just humor him?) Director: (to Joey) Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we're gonna go with someone else for the part. Joey: Ah. All right. But my French was good? Director: It was great. Joey: (to Phoebe) Oh-hoh! Ha-hah! See! Phoebe: (to the director) Merci. Au revoir. (Translation: Thanks, goodbye.) Joey: Yeah-hah. Toute-de-le-fruit. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting at the kitchen counter and Ross enters from Rachel and Emma's room.] Ross: Emma's down for the night. Rachel: Oh, good. Ross: So uh... I guess I wanna take off. Rachel: Okay... Hey listen, just before you go I-I again, I just wanna say "thank you" for coming with me. Ross: Oh, no problem. Rachel: And also, you know I uh, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sx thing and... it's probably not a great idea to go down that road again. Ross: Thank you. I'm glad you agree. Rachel: It's a shame though, I mean, when we did it, it was pretty good. Ross: Yeah... Yeah, that's true. Rachel: Hey uhm, do you remember that one really great time...? Ross: Oh, ye-ah! Rachel: You know it was you're uhm... birthday... Ross: ...Valentine's day... Both: (long pause, they realize) Oh yeah! Rachel: Well, I guess that's all in the past, now. Ross: Hmmm-mmmm. Rachel: (after a pause) Not even one more time? Ross: Not even once. Rachel: No matter how much we want it. Ross: Even if we want it really bad. Rachel: That's what we decided. Ross: Uhm, right! Rachel: ...It's kinda hard though! Ross: Yeah. Rachel: You know, when two people have a connection, you know, that's... just seems like such a... waste. Ross: ...I hate waste. Rachel: ...Ross? Ross: Yes? Rachel: Just so you know... With us... it's never off the table. (she enters her room and closes the door.) Ross: Damn it. It's never off the table. (he leaves the apartment) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Joey are "updating" Joey's resumé.] Phoebe: Okay, can you really tapdance? Joey: No. Phoebe: It's off the resumé. (she strikes it through with a pencil) Phoebe: Archery? Joey: No. Phoebe: Horseback riding? Joey: Would fall off a lot. Phoebe: You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds? Joey: That I can do. Phoebe: Come on! You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds? Joey: All right, watch me! (he takes a full container of milk from the fridge) Okay, you time me. Ready? Phoebe: Ready... GO! (Joey takes the plastic container to his mouth and starts to drink. Most of the milk gushes from the bottle down his chin and over his clothes to the floor. He keeps "drinking" and all of a sudden he lifts it up and half the bottle of milk pours out in an instant. He then continues to drink the rest. He then puts the empty container down on the counter.) Phoebe: (checking her watch) You did it!
doc_218	3.01 - Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days OPEN IN LORELAI'S BEDROOM [Lorelai is asleep in bed when her alarm goes off. She shuts it off, and a second later, several others start going off around her bedroom.] LORELAI: You are hilarious! [She gets up and walks down to the kitchen, where Luke is at the stove making breakfast] LORELAI: Okay, see, last night, when I said to you, Tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I get up at seven,' what I actually meant was, Tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I have the option of getting up at seven in case when seven comes, I actually wanna get up,' which as it happened I didn't. Therefore, you're currently responsible for the great alarm clock slaughter of 2002. [She pulls a container of coffee out of the freezer] LUKE: No survivors? LORELAI: The one shaped like a bunny escaped with a mild decapitation. [smells the coffee] This is decaf. LUKE: What are you talking about? LORELAI: You switched my coffee again. [Lorelai searches the kitchen for the regular coffee] LUKE: I'm a busy man. I don't have time to sneak around switching your coffee. I have a diner to run, I have shipments to order, I have things to flip and fry. Will you stop that? [Lorelai finds the bag of regular coffee under the sink] LORELAI: Ha, haha, hahaha! Under the sink, very clever, but not clever enough bucko. LUKE: Okay, fine, you know what? I give up. LORELAI: Woo hoo! LUKE: Go one day without coffee. LORELAI: That's not giving up. LUKE: I'll put a toy in your cereal. LORELAI: Dirty! LUKE: [hands her a plate of food] Fine, here, you win. LORELAI: Thank you. LUKE: You're welcome. Now you're up, you're fed, I'm leaving. LORELAI: Oh, hey, we need q-tips. LUKE: I'll alert the media. LORELAI: See, that's better with the accent. LUKE: The reference is enough, you'll learn that one day. I'll be home early, anything besides the q-tips? LORELAI: Um, cotton balls, world peace, Connie Chung's original face back. [Luke kisses her] LUKE: Goodbye crazy lady. [to Lorelai's stomach] Goodbye Sid and Nancy. LORELAI: Leopold and Loeb. LUKE: What? LORELAI: I changed my mind, don't tell Rory. LUKE: Decaf. LORELAI: Never. LUKE: They'll both have two heads. LORELAI: More to love. [They kiss again and Luke walks out the back door] CUT TO LORELAI'S BEDROOM [In the middle of the night, Lorelai wakes up suddenly from her dream. She falls out of the bed reaching for the phone] LORELAI: Whoa! Ugh! [She calls Rory at her dorm in Washington] RORY: Hello? LORELAI: You have to come home. RORY: Mom? LORELAI: You're gone and the house is quiet and Bill Maher's canceled. The name of the show was Politically Incorrect for God's sake. Didn't anybody read the title? He was supposed to say those things, dammit! RORY: You had another dream. LORELAI: Yes. RORY: The doctor is in. LORELAI: Okay, I'm lying in bed and I'm sleeping and I'm wearing this fabulous nightgown, and like thirty alarm clocks go off, and so I get out of bed and I walk downstairs, and there, standing is the kitchen, is Luke! RORY: Was he naked? LORELAI: No! He was making breakfast. RORY: Naked? LORELAI: Okay, you've been in Washington way too long. RORY: Sorry. Go ahead, he was making breakfast. . . LORELAI: Eggs and pancakes and bacon, and he put decaf coffee in my regular coffee bag, which of course I knew immediately. RORY: Hi, the nose. LORELAI: Exactly. So eventually I find the real stuff under the sink. He hands me my breakfast, and then . . . RORY: What? LORELAI: He kissed me and talked to my stomach! RORY: Why would he do that? LORELAI: Because apparently I'm pregnant! RORY: What? LORELAI: With twins! [pause] Say something. RORY: You are going to be so fat. LORELAI: Just analyze my dream, please. RORY: Okay. Well, your dream was telling you that you are secretly in love with Luke and you wanna marry him and have his twins. LORELAI: Uh, no, try again. RORY: What do you mean, try again? You asked me to analyze your dream, I analyzed your dream. LORELAI: Yes, well, I reject that analysis, so I'd like another one, please. RORY: You can't just reject an analysis and try again. You're not shopping for bathing suits here. LORELAI: Give me another analysis or I'll put your Taylor hula-hooping dream into a whole other context. RORY: I told you, Taylor was supposed to be Dean. I could tell by his freakishly thick head of hair. LORELAI: I'm waiting. RORY: Okay, maybe you're still upset about what happened with Dad and you're jealous of Sherry because she's having his baby and not you. Mom? LORELAI: I miss you. RORY: I miss you, too. PARIS: [sleeptalking in background] Woodward. . .Bernstein. . .Harry Thomason. LORELAI: Is that Paris? RORY: Yeah, she talks in her sleep. . . long in-depth arguments. I'm so glad I only have one more day here. LORELAI: Me, too. What do you have on your agenda for tomorrow? Or, today, actually. RORY: We have a breakfast mixer with members of Congress and the Senate. LORELAI: Cool. See if you can steal me something off of Tom Daschle's fruit plate. RORY: I'll see what I can do. LORELAI: See you Friday, doc. RORY: See you Friday. [Rory walks to her desk and sits down, where she tries to work on a letter to Jess] PARIS: [sleeptalking] I did not have sexual relations with that woman. [opening credits] CUT TO SOOKIE AND JACKSON'S HOUSE [Lorelai and Sookie are sitting at the kitchen table] LORELAI: No way. SOOKIE: I swear. LORELAI: Huh, Kosher bacon. SOOKIE: Beef not pork. LORELAI: I am so Jewish. JACKSON: [from other room] Hey Sookie, where's my SOOKIE: Jackson, hold on! Lorelai's here! LORELAI: [covers eyes] Oh, Jackson, I'm in the kitchen! I'm eating bacon, so don't . . aye - eh - da - ahhh! JACKSON: [walks into kitchen] Will you stop it? I'm dressed. LORELAI: Uh, well, how do I know you weren't showering and the hot water went out and you rushed down here with nothing but a teeny tiny towel in front of ya. JACKSON: Once, that happened once. LORELAI: Well, once was enough. SOOKIE: Oh, hey, honey, I got those paint chips that we were talking about. Do you wanna look at them now? JACKSON: Nope. SOOKIE: But it'll only take a minute and I actually went though and picked out a couple of colors for you. LORELAI: What are you painting? JACKSON: Nothing. SOOKIE: The house. LORELAI: The whole house? JACKSON: No. SOOKIE: Just the inside. LORELAI: Ah, that's a pretty big undertaking. JACKSON: It's not such a big undertaking since we're not undertaking it. SOOKIE: I know, but it'll be fun. LORELAI: Rory and I'll help if you want. JACKSON: Okay, if you're gonna come over here everyday, you have to actually hear both of us. LORELAI: Oh. Well, tell me why you're not painting just the inside of the house? SOOKIE: Because it was my house and now it's our house and I want it to feel like our house. JACKSON: I'm totally happy with the way this house feels. SOOKIE: How can you be? There's flowers everywhere. JACKSON: I like flowers I'm a produce guy. SOOKIE: The curtains are ruffly. JACKSON: I like ruffles. SOOKIE: How can you like ruffles? JACKSON: Because I'm very, very gay. SOOKIE: Jackson! JACKSON: Judy, Vincent has to go to work now. Goodbye Lorelai. Tell her I'm fine, I like things just the way they are. LORELAI: I'll try. [Jackson leaves] LORELAI: All right, I've only got a minute and then I have to leave. Is there any more bacon? SOOKIE: Have mine. What do you think about mahogany for the living room and then midnight blue for the hallway and the bedroom? LORELAI: Sookie, Jackson just said he's fine with how everything is. I don't think it's bugging him. SOOKIE: Well, he may not think so now but it'll bug him eventually and then he'll resent this place and me by extension and I would like to avoid that. And I can I just need to butch the place up a little. Now, help me pick a color. LORELAI: Okay, I can't now, but I'll do it later. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: Thanks for breakfast, it was amazing, I love you, I love the bacon. Oh, hey, bacon's manly. Why don't you just nail a bunch of packages of Kosher bacon on the walls, huh? Smells like meat blessed by a rabbi now that's a manly house. SOOKIE: Buh-bye. LORELAI: Okay, but if you're still thinking paint, you're still thinking like a chick. CUT TO OUTSIDE [The town square is being set up for a festival. Lorelai walks toward Taylor, who is in an electric wheelchair giving orders to people.] TAYLOR: Watch those streamers! And not too much red near that tree light touch, light touch, light touch. LORELAI: Hey Taylor, how's the leg? TAYLOR: It's just fine. LORELAI: Still haven't found out who put that banana peel on your doorstep, huh? TAYLOR: No, but I have a list of suspects. LORELAI: Hey, um, what's all this for? TAYLOR: This, young lady, is for the first annual Stars Hollow End of Summer Madness Festival. LORELAI: You finally found a way to fill September, didn't ya? TAYLOR: This is gonna be a very exciting day. I'm really gonna go all out for this. I even think you'll be impressed. LORELAI: Really, even me? TAYLOR: Yes-sir-ee, mini-me, I did not put the word madness in the title for nothing. This place is gonna be crazy, wild food, games, we've even got a band coming all the way from New York! LORELAI: New York that's just nuts! TAYLOR: And wait til you see the banner I ordered. It's gonna make every other banner we've ever had look downright embarrassing. LORELAI: Taylor, you're on fire. TAYLOR: Oh, I love this banner! LORELAI: I can't wait to see it. TAYLOR: Well, come on Friday. [to girl walking by] Uh, excuse me, uh, young lady. . .young lady? You know I'm talking to you. The blonde woman with the ribbons, please slow down. I'm in a wheelchair, young lady, I can't run after you. [As Taylor follows the girl off camera, Lorelai stares into Luke's Diner then sadly walks away] CUT TO WASHINGTON [At the Junior Leadership breakfast, Paris is talking with Senator Barbara Boxer] PARIS: I mean, come on, Senator Boxer, as one of our foremost Democratic leaders, I ask you do you really think it looks good to have the American Secretary of the Treasury traveling around with Bono? I mean, I know apparently he's a saint, he's going to save the world, yada, yada, yada, but my God! He never even takes the sunglasses off. We have an image to maintain, don't we? I mean, aren't we at least trying to pretend we're the superpower in this world? I mean, why not just send Carson Daly over to the Middle East next time Cheney goes, huh? Or hey, hook up Freddie Prinze Jr. with Colin Powell next time he meets with NATO. I mean, hell! Let's hear what Freddie has to say, right? [A man walks by and the Senator grabs his arm] SENATOR BOXER: Oh, great, Doug. Uh, Paris, do you know Republican Congressman Doug Ose from California? You don't? Great. You two will have so much to talk about. Bye. [walks away] CONGRESSMAN OSE: Uh, Barbara PARIS: Ose, right? CONGRESSMAN OSE: Yes that's right. PARIS: Let's take a walk. [cut to Rory at one of the food tables. As she gets herself some coffee, a boy walks up to her] JAMIE: Last day here. RORY: Yup. JAMIE: So, in your opinion, how was our nation's capital? RORY: Well, I got to see Archie Bunker's chair at the Smithsonian Museum, so it was a big thumbs up for me. JAMIE: Yes, there are times when this country's priorities are exactly right. So, where's Paris? RORY: Hm, not quite sure. Last time I saw her, she was beating the will to live out of our nation's representatives. JAMIE: She is a hammer, isn't she? RORY: Actually, she's the entire toolbox. [Paris walks up to them] PARIS: Damn. I always seem to catch the most interesting politicians right when they have to use the bathroom. Hey Jamie. [Paris walks over to another table and Jamie follows her] JAMIE: Paris. Just came over to let you know I got a little sneak peak at the final debate pairings for today. It seems like you and I are going to be on the same side this time. PARIS: You're kidding? You'd think they'd like to give someone else a fighting chance for once. JAMIE: Apparently not. PARIS: God, I love this. You don't realize how unqualified most of America's youth is until you gather them all up in a room and make them speak. So, who are we up against? JAMIE: Jason Roundsevault and Ty Fredericks. PARIS: Perfect. Jason's got asthma and Ty cries. JAMIE: Okay, so we should meet early and go over strategy, make sure you bought enough Kleenex. PARIS: Good, good. JAMIE: And then tonight we should get together and celebrate over dinner. PARIS: What if we don't win? JAMIE: Don't lose it on me now. PARIS: You're right. JAMIE: So, dinner? PARIS: Sure. JAMIE: Good, I'll swing around for you about seven. PARIS: Fine. JAMIE: Okay, see you at the slaughter. [Jamie walks away and Rory walks over to Paris] RORY: Wow! PARIS: Yeah, can you imagine pairing me with Jamie? I mean, why not just line the hallways with self esteem counselors right now. RORY: Paris? PARIS: What? RORY: What do you mean what? He just asked you out on a date. PARIS: He did not. RORY: Yes, he did. You're having dinner with Jamie tonight. PARIS: It's a victory dinner, that's it. RORY: Paris, if he just wanted to celebrate winning a debate, you guys could've had coffee afterward, but he asked you out on a date. PARIS: He did? RORY: Yes. PARIS: Did I accept? RORY: Yes. PARIS: I'm going on a date? RORY: Yes, you are. PARIS: Oh man, I can't believe this! I finally get asked out on a date and I missed it? Was it a good ask-out? RORY: It was a very good ask-out. PARIS: God, I wish I'd been there. RORY: Well, you'll be there tonight. PARIS: Tonight? Tonight I have a date. Tonight I have a date with Jamie a Princeton man. I can overlook that. Oh my God, I can't believe it. . .I have a date. CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN [Michel is at the front desk talking to Kirk] KIRK: One day it occurred to me, cows never wrinkle. MICHEL: Mmhmm. KIRK: Think about it have you ever seen a wrinkled cow? No, not once. So I thought to myself, "That is weird." MICHEL: Yes, that and other things. KIRK: So I decided to do a little research. I studied cows, I studied humans, and finally I discovered the secret the secret of the cows. LORELAI: [walking up to them] Michel, could you, uh. . .hi Kirk. MICHEL: Oh, good, just in time. Kirk here is about to tell us the difference between cows and humans. LORELAI: You mean, other than one's a cow? MICHEL: Shh. Go ahead, Kirk. KIRK: Hay. LORELAI: Huh? KIRK: Hay, it's hay cows eat hay. And after some experimentation and a great deal of research, I developed what I believe to be the next great skin care product to sweep the nation. [shows them a bottle] LORELAI: [reads the label] Hay There. KIRK: A complete line of creams, balms, toning lotions, and cleansing liquids. LORELAI: Kirk, we already have a skin care line here, I'm sorry. KIRK: I am willing to give you three cases of "Hay There" skin products absolutely free of charge. Try them, you will see what I'm talking about. LORELAI: Well, uh, thank you very much, Kirk. . . but, I'm sorry don't cows eat grass? KIRK: Sometimes, but "Grass There" is a bad name. [leaves] MICHEL: So sad not to have a cocktail in your hand every time he comes by, no? [the phone rings] LORELAI: [answers] Independence Inn, Lorelai speaking. EMILY: What day is this? LORELAI: Mom? EMILY: What day is this? LORELAI: Mom, I have a group of EMILY: It's Thursday. LORELAI: Thank God. Now, could I possibly EMILY: Thursday the what, Lorelai? LORELAI: It's EMILY: Thursday the third. And what was happening Thursday the third, Lorelai? LORELAI: I believe it was the day I was supposed to chew my own head off. EMILY: Your father and I were coming home from Martha's Vineyard. LORELAI: I know you were. EMILY: And you said that when we got home, you were going to call us. LORELAI: I know I did. EMILY: Well, we're home, and yet there's no call, no message, no card. LORELAI: Mom, it's eleven o'clock in the morning. I said I would call you on Thursday, I didn't say when on Thursday, I just said Thursday. Technically I haven't screwed up for another twelve hours. EMILY: Lorelai, everyone knows that you are supposed to call people as soon as they have arrived home. That's the polite way to do it. LORELAI: You didn't tell me what time you were coming home. EMILY: Well, you never asked what time we were coming home. LORELAI: Yes, but you never told me so there's no way I could know, so even though I didn't ask I still didn't know and it's only elev. . .I'm sorry. EMILY: Apology accepted. Now I assume we'll be seeing you and Rory for dinner tomorrow? LORELAI: Uh, you'll see me but Rory doesn't get back til Saturday. EMILY: Oh, what a shame. I thought she was coming back tomorrow. LORELAI: Nope, she's coming back Saturday. EMILY: Well, I'm very disappointed. I had it written down for tomorrow. LORELAI: Well, you must've written it down wrong, Mom. She's coming home Saturday. EMILY: Your father thought it was tomorrow, also. LORELAI: See you at seven. EMILY: Hold a moment, Lorelai. Do you know where Christopher is? LORELAI: Um, why? EMILY: We wanted him to come with you and Rory tomorrow, even though apparently Rory's getting back Saturday, though I couldn't sworn it was tomorrow. LORELAI: Christopher's away on business but I'll tell him you invited him. EMILY: And tell him to come with you two next week. I wanna see the three of you together. LORELAI: Yes, that would be a nice picture. EMILY: All right, see you tomorrow. LORELAI: Yes, you will. Bye. CUT TO WASHINGTON DORM ROOM [Rory is on the phone with Dean while Paris gets ready for her date] RORY: My plane gets in at three. DEAN: I'm in at six. PARIS: Red, purple, green where the hell is it? RORY: That gives me three hours to look presentable. Hm, perhaps I'll go blonde. DEAN: I strongly request that you don't. RORY: Afraid of change? DEAN: No, I just like what I have. RORY: I like a man who settles. DEAN: I miss you. RORY: I miss you, too. PARIS: Hey, hey, stop being cute. I need help here. RORY: I have to go. Paris is melting down. DEAN: Why? RORY: She has a date tonight. DEAN: Really? PARIS: Don't sound so surprised. RORY: How do you know he sounded surprised? PARIS: Because I'm a genius, Rory. I have deep and powerful clairvoyant abilities. RORY: Oh boy. PARIS: For example, I can instantly deduce that when someone hears the name Paris in the same sentence with the word date, jaws will drop, confused looks will cover faces, words like how' and why' and Quick, Bob, get the children in the minivan because the world is obviously coming to an end!' will immediately fly out of people's mouths. RORY: I have to go. DEAN: Are you sure it's safe? RORY: I'll be fine. I'll see you Friday. DEAN: See you Friday. I love you. PARIS: That's it, I'm shaving my head. RORY: Gotta go. [hangs up] Okay, Paris, you have got to calm down. PARIS: I had a black sweater and now it's gone. RORY: I'm not just talking about right now in general, you need to calm down. PARIS: He's almost here, I'm not dressed, my makeup's not done, and I haven't gone through the Zagat yet to pick out a restaurant. RORY: Why don't you just let him pick out the restaurant? PARIS: What if he doesn't have a Zagat? RORY: Well, then he'll wing it. PARIS: Wing it? How come other girls get planned out dinners? Flowers, candy, rose petals thrown on the floors and I get wing it? RORY: Well, you don't know that you've got wing it. PARIS: No, I do. I've got wing it. I can't do this. RORY: What? PARIS: Date. I can't date. I'm not genetically set up for it. RORY: Not true. PARIS: I get no pleasure out of the prospect or the preparation. I'm covered in hives, I've showered four times, and for what? Some guy who doesn't even have the brains to buy a Zagat so we don't wind up in a restaurant that's really just a front for a cocaine laundering ring? RORY: Sit. PARIS: It's a dare. He was dared to take me out. I bet Trent Lott was behind this. RORY: Trent Lott did not dare Jamie to take you out. Close. Jamie likes you and he asked you out because he likes you. Now look up. PARIS: Maybe I shouldn't go. I mean, what if I fall for him and he doesn't like me? RORY: Then you'll find someone else. PARIS: But what if there is no one else? RORY: Then you'll buy some cats. PARIS: I wish I knew if he was right for me, you know? So I don't put myself through all of this for nothing. I mean, women fall for men who are wrong for them all of the time, and then they get sidetracked from their goals. They give up careers and become alcoholics and, if you're Sunny von Bülow, wind up in a coma completely incapable of stopping Glenn Close from playing you in a movie. RORY: I think you should wear your hair down. PARIS: How do you know if a guy is right for you? RORY: You just have to feel it. PARIS: All I feel is my back breaking out. RORY: You'll know, okay? You just have to let it happen. And then, probably when you're not looking, you'll find someone who compliments you. PARIS: Meaning? RORY: Someone who likes what you like, someone who reads the same books or listens to the same music or likes to trash the same movies. Someone compatible. PARIS: Okay. RORY: But not so compatible that they're boring. PARIS: Someone who's compatible but not compatible. RORY: Yeah, kind of. I mean, you respect each other's opinions and you can laugh at the same jokes, but I don't know there's just something about not quite knowing what the other person's gonna do at all times that's just really exciting. Look, just have a good time, you'll figure it out. PARIS: Yeah, well, I hope I figure it out fast. . .before I throw up. [there's a knock at the door] PARIS: That's him. RORY: Turn around. PARIS: Well? RORY: Perfect. PARIS: Promise? RORY: Swear. PARIS: Thanks. Now get in the closet. RORY: What? PARIS: If he comes in here and sees you, he won't wanna date me anymore. RORY: Paris, that's crazy! He's seen me he's seen me for weeks. PARIS: Yes, in conferences, crowded lecture halls, badly lit banquet rooms with crappy food smells, not at night when it's dating time and he's thinking about dating and you're standing there looking all datable. RORY: I'm not looking datable. PARIS: Please? I can't risk it. At least if there's nothing to compare me to, then I've got a fighting chance, please! RORY: Okay, but when you get home, you need to get a new therapist because the one you have is really not working. [goes into the closet] PARIS: Thanks for helping me get ready. RORY: [from inside closet] Any time. [Paris answers the door] PARIS: Hi. JAMIE: Hello. You look very nice. PARIS: Well, this is a really good sweater. JAMIE: So, shall we get going? PARIS: Oh, sure, sure. JAMIE: Do you like Italian food? PARIS: I love Italian food. JAMIE: Good. I've made a reservation at a great place. Well, at least, that's what the Zagat guide says. PARIS: You're perfect. JAMIE: Let's go. CUT TO KIM'S ANTIQUES [Lorelai and Sookie are browsing] SOOKIE: How could you not tell them? LORELAI: Well, they left two days after your wedding and they were in Martha's Vineyard all summer. It just seemed quieter. SOOKIE: What do you think, manly? [holds up a statue] LORELAI: In an Oscar Wilde sort of way, absolutely. SOOKIE: You know, you're gonna have to tell them tonight, right? I mean, the subject will come up. They probably think you and Christopher are heading down the aisle any day now. LORELAI: Ugh, I know, I know. SOOKIE: A shaving table, it's perfect! LORELAI: And twelve hundred dollars. SOOKIE: Twelve hundred dollars for what? MRS. KIM: What do you mean, for what? This is an antique. SOOKIE: Where does she come from? MRS. KIM: This was Sherman's shaving table. LORELAI: Sherman? MRS. KIM: General Sherman, famous man, burned Atlanta, liked a close shave. LORELAI: Wow, historical. MRS. KIM: All original, perfect shape. I give you ten percent off, you want it? SOOKIE: Oh, well, maybe. I just wanted to look around a little bit first. . .but it's very nice. MRS. KIM: I know it's very nice. [walks away] LORELAI: Boy, she would've made a great nun. SOOKIE: So how are you planning on telling them? LORELAI: I thought I'd do it like Nell. You know, chicka chicka chickabee. SOOKIE: Yeah, that's a very good idea. LORELAI: I'll tell them, I promise. SOOKIE: Oh, oh my God, look! [walks over to a fish mounted on a piece of wood] LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: For over the mantelpiece. It's perfect! LORELAI: It's a dead fish. SOOKIE: It's an antique stuffed and mounted trout, and I think it's manly. LORELAI: Oh, please! SOOKIE: It is! It's very Ralph Lauren. LORELAI: Sookie, Jackson loves you. You're not seriously telling me the future of your marriage depends on Leon Troutsky over there. SOOKIE: I guess not. LORELAI: Just think about it, okay? You don't have to make every decision right now. Do a little more shopping. Maybe you'll find something even more disgusting someplace else. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: Okay, I gotta go pick up Rory at the airport, and then we'll swing by and pick up you guys for the festival. SOOKIE: Great. LORELAI: Okay, see you later. SOOKIE: Bye. [Lorelai walks toward the door and stops to talk to Mrs. Kim.] LORELAI: Ten bucks if you don't let her buy the fish. MRS. KIM: Twenty. LORELAI: [laughs] You're kidding? MRS. KIM: I never kid. LORELAI: You know, I believe that. CUT TO AIRPORT [Rory walks out of her gate; Lorelai calls to her from across the room] LORELAI: Hey Gilmore! RORY: Mom! [They run to each other and hug, then fall on the ground] LORELAI: Ow, ow! RORY: Ah! LORELAI: Ow! RORY: Ah! LORELAI: Oh! RORY: Agh! LORELAI: Oh, oh! Luckily there are video cameras everywhere that caught that very graceful moment on tape. RORY: I am so glad to see you! LORELAI: No, I'm glad to see you! RORY: I'm never leaving home again. LORELAI: Oh, that's my emotionally stunted girl! Hey, I got you gifts. RORY: What? I'm the one that left town, I'm supposed to get you gifts. LORELAI: Oh, but I got here early and there was nothing to do except feed gummy bears to the bomb-sniffing dogs which, apparently, the United States government frowns upon. RORY: You got in trouble with the government while you were waiting for me? LORELAI: Just a little. RORY: How much is a little? LORELAI: Learn Russian. Okay, here you go. [pulls a shirt out of the gift bag] RORY: Wow, a Hartford, Connecticut sweatshirt. LORELAI: Nice, huh? RORY: [looks through the gift bags] Hartford, Connecticut notebook, Hartford, Connecticut pencil set, a Hartford, Connecticut shot glass. LORELAI: And beer mug! RORY: Hartford baguette, Hartford bear, a Hartford sunglasses. LORELAI: You like? RORY: I love. LORELAI: All right, let's go. We'll get your bags, then we'll hit the road, and I can't wait to hear all about Washington. And, by the way, I got you out of dinner with the Gilmores tonight. I thought you and Dean might enjoy a little Peaches and Herb time together. RORY: Oh, thanks. What'd you tell them? LORELAI: That you get home tomorrow. RORY: Big fat lie. LORELAI: Yes, which proves how much I love you. The fact that I was willing to lie to my own parents who I never lie to just so you could have a night of happiness is proof positive of my deep undying devotion that I have for you. RORY: I appreciate that. LORELAI: And all that devotion can be yours for the low, low price of $29.95! RORY: Forget it. LORELAI: Okay, I'll throw in a set of steak knives. RORY: My bags, please? LORELAI: Are you telling me that you want this gesture of love for free? What kind of world are you living in? [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai and Rory walk through the front door with Rory's bags] LORELAI: Oh my God, you do know one option was leaving some of your books at home? RORY: Hey, I offered to carry that one. LORELAI: Next time, don't offer insist. Look, I'm lopsided now. RORY: I can't believe I'm home. I feel like I've been away forever. LORELAI: I agree. RORY: Hello living room. LORELAI: Hello Rory, we missed you. Not the ottoman, of course, but everyone knows he's a snob. Napoleon complex, he only really likes the magazine rack. RORY: Oh my God, I missed everything. My kitchen, my room, my books, my CDs, my stuff. Where's my pillow? LORELAI: What? RORY: You took my pillow. LORELAI: I did not take your pillow. RORY: You waited until I left, you went into my room, and you took my pillow. LORELAI: Well, you weren't using it. RORY: What else did you take? LORELAI: Nothing. Your comforter came into my room by itself. . .and brought your Bauhaus T-shirt with it. RORY: I want my stuff back by tomorrow morning. LORELAI: Just cause you leave doesn't mean the world stops. RORY: By noon. LORELAI: Fine. [Lorelai pushes the play button on the answering machine] CHRISTOPHER: [on machine] Lor, it's me, please just call [Lorelai deletes the message] RORY: Dad? LORELAI: Yeah. RORY: Still haven't talked to him yet, huh? LORELAI: No, you? RORY: Nope. LORELAI: He's called. RORY: I know. He's called me, too. LORELAI: I just. . .I don't really know what to say. RORY: How long are you gonna freeze him out for? LORELAI: I don't know. RORY: Right. LORELAI: You? RORY: I don't know either. LORELAI: I have to tell my parents tonight. RORY: Are you sure you don't want me to go with you and . . . I don't know, distract them? LORELAI: No, you've got Dean coming over. I'll be fine. I'll bring them something shiny. RORY: Okay, I'm gonna go change then. LORELAI: For what? RORY: The festival. LORELAI: Hon, you know what, if you don't wanna go, we don't have to go. RORY: Why would I not wanna go? Of course I wanna go. LORELAI: You just got home, you've got Dean coming over. RORY: No, I wanna go. I wanna go because this is our town and we need to support these things. LORELAI: All right, but. . .you don't have to change for that. RORY: Well, I've been away for awhile, I wanna make a nice impression. LORELAI: On who? RORY: Whoever has to look at me. [they walk into Rory's bedroom] LORELAI: All right, just hustle. I promised Jackson and Sookie I'd pick them up along the way. RORY: I'll just be a minute. LORELAI: No woman is ever a minute when she changes. RORY: Do not judge me by your own standards. [pulls out a dress] LORELAI: Wow, fancy. RORY: Not fancy. LORELAI: You know, you'll have time to come home and change for Dean. RORY: Well, I can just change now, then I won't have to do it later. LORELAI: Okay. Hey Rory, I don't want you to freeze out your dad because I am. RORY: I'm not. LORELAI: Cause I'm fine if you wanna go back to the way things were. RORY: I think that would be a little hard this time. LORELAI: Okay, maybe not now, but eventually. RORY: Eventually, maybe, but for now solidarity sister. LORELAI: Ya ya! RORY: You've been waiting for six weeks to do that, haven't you? LORELAI: Ya ya! RORY: I'll just be a minute. CUT TO OUTSIDE [Lorelai and Rory walk out of some bushes near Sookie and Jackson's house] LORELAI: See, three minutes faster. I also found a way to get to Al's Pancake World that shaves a good forty seconds off our normal route. RORY: You were really bored when I was gone, weren't you? LORELAI: You have no idea. [As they walk up Sookie and Jackson's front steps, they hear yelling from inside] JACKSON: Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? SOOKIE: I don't understand why you're so upset. JACKSON: How can you not understand? I told you a thousand times. SOOKIE: I thought you were just being nice. [Lorelai and Rory peek through the front door. Sookie has redecorated the living room and filled it with masculine objects] JACKSON: Nice! Sookie, look at this place! SOOKIE: I think it looks nice. JACKSON: Nice. . .nice? This is nice. . .this is nice? [points to a life-sized stuffed grizzly bear] SOOKIE: Well, it's masculine! JACKSON: No, it's terrifying! I swear I'm gonna come out in the middle of the night for a drink of water, turn around, hit the floor and play dead! SOOKIE: Okay, so, we have a little work to do. JACKSON: Just put it back the way it was. SOOKIE: No, I want you to be happy! JACKSON: I was happy, I told you I was happy, you just didn't wanna believe I was happy! [Lorelai and Rory walk away from the house and walk toward the festival] LORELAI: We'll just check on them a little later. RORY: Excellent idea. [they walk into the crowd] LORELAI: Okay, so, do we do cheese stick, hot dog, cotton candy, or do we mix it up a little start with the cotton candy and end with the cheese stick? Who are you looking for? RORY: No one, I'm just taking in all the madness, that's all. LORELAI: Ah. [Kirk walks up to them] KIRK: Lorelai, good. Have you used the cream yet? LORELAI: Uh, not yet, Kirk. KIRK: Good, there's been a little problem. LORELAI: What kind of problem? KIRK: Nothing of major concern. It just seems that with continual use, the cream develops some weird reactions to light. . .and air. . .and movement. LORELAI: Are you serious? KIRK: Don't worry, it's just a small kink. It'll all be worked out soon. LORELAI: I have three cases of that stuff sitting at the inn. KIRK: Well, get rid of it. LORELAI: Kirk. KIRK: Uh, but don't throw it in the trash. Apparently, that would be an EPA violation. LORELAI: What am I supposed to do with the stuff? KIRK: Shooting it into space is about all I've got now. LORELAI: Kirk! KIRK: I'll pick up the cases tomorrow. LORELAI: Thank you. [Kirk walks away] LORELAI: Hey. RORY: What? LORELAI: Do you sometimes think this town is weird or is it just me? [Lorelai and Rory walk up to Taylor] LORELAI: Hey Taylor, is this where the mosh pit starts? TAYLOR: Well, hello Lorelai, Rory. So what do you think of the band? Pretty big city, don't you think? LORELAI: Mm, I sure do. TAYLOR: What? LORELAI: What? I'm agreeing with you. They are smokin'! TAYLOR: I do not care for that sarcastic tone, Lorelai. LORELAI: Well. . .uh. . .no, I'm being nice here! TAYLOR: You have an opinion on everything. Nothing is ever up to your standards. LORELAI: That is not true. I'm sure these guys are all great barbers. TAYLOR: I don't even know why I bother. [leaves] LORELAI: That is it I have been it for the last. . .[sees Rory staring off at something] What? [sees Jess and a girl kissing against a tree] Oh, well, looks like he's got his what I did this summer' essay all researched and ready to go. Guess you dodged a bullet there, huh? RORY: What do you mean? LORELAI: I don't know. It seems kind of lucky that you didn't throw everything away for Jess when you see. . . RORY: See what? What am I seeing? LORELAI: You're upset. RORY: No, I'm not upset. LORELAI: Yes, you are upset. I know when you're upset cause you look like my mother. RORY: Thanks a lot. LORELAI: You like my mother. RORY: Yes, but you don't like your mother, so when you tell me that I look like your mother, it's not exactly a compliment. LORELAI: Honey, what is wrong? RORY: Oh God! LORELAI: What is it? RORY: It's that! LORELAI: Jess? RORY: Yes! LORELAI: You're upset about Jess? RORY: I said yes. LORELAI: Yes, it's Jess? RORY: You're not being funny. LORELAI: It's not my fault that yes and Jess rhyme. Did I exploit the opportunity, of course I did, but . . .Rory, come on. I know you had this crush RORY: It wasn't a crush. LORELAI: Well, I thought it was over. I mean, you haven't talked to him since RORY: Sookie's wedding. LORELAI: You talked to him at Sookie's wedding? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: He wasn't at Sookie's wedding. RORY: Yes, he was. He had just come back and he came to see me. LORELAI: Okay, so he crashed Sookie's wedding, and. . . RORY: And nothing. He told me that he was back in town, that he'd moved back, and. . . LORELAI: What Rory? Come on. RORY: And we kissed, okay? LORELAI: You kissed? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: You kissed, like. . .you kissed? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: Okay, who kissed who? RORY: What does that matter? LORELAI: Because it matters. Did he kiss you, did you kiss each other, did you trip and your faces accidentally . RORY: I kissed him. LORELAI: Okay. RORY: And I don't know, I thought he came back here because he liked me or something, and I kissed him and he kissed me back, and now he's over there and I feel so stupid and. . .that girl isn't even his type and - LORELAI: Rory, what are you doing? RORY: What do you mean, what am I doing? I'm ranting. You should recognize this, I learned it from you. LORELAI: Yeah, but you went to Sookie's wedding with. . .with Dean. RORY: I know. LORELAI: And then you ran off to have some thing with Jess. RORY: It was a kiss, not a thing. LORELAI: A kiss is a thing. RORY: Well, it wasn't planned, it just happened. LORELAI: I can't believe it. All this time I'm thinking, She's with Dean.' RORY: I am with Dean. LORELAI: No, Rory kissing another guy is not being with Dean. Ask him, I bet he'd back me up on that. RORY: It was nothing. LORELAI: Well, then why are you so freaked out? RORY: I'm not freaked out. LORELAI: Look, kid, you have gotta make up your mind. Jess, Dean, Jess, Dean it's enough already. If you want Jess, that's fine go get him, there he is. If you think that's the great love of your life, then great. . .grab a liver treat and a squeaky toy and run to him. Don't worry about that girl because I'm sure he will have moved onto somebody else in about an hour. But do something. Dean has been sweet and supportive and incredibly patient, and now you are officially treating him like dirt, and I'm sorry, but not only is that not you, he doesn't deserve that. God, I wish they knew another song! RORY: I know all of this about Dean. LORELAI: You do? RORY: Yes, I do. I know how great he is. I knew it before you did! LORELAI: Well, knowing this has apparently not stopped you from dragging his heart all over this town. RORY: Not fair! LORELAI: Yes, fair, the fairest, the Snow White of fair. RORY: I don't wanna talk to you about this anymore. LORELAI: Okay, listen, if you don't wanna be with Dean anymore, cut him loose. Let him find someone who does because this is just so. . .wrong! RORY: All right, I get it, I . . .just stop! DEAN: [calls from across the street] Rory! [walks over to them] Hey. RORY: Hi. LORELAI: Hi Dean. RORY: I thought your plane didn't get in til six. DEAN: Well, I managed to get an earlier flight. LORELAI: Well, I'm off to dinner with the parents. DEAN: Do you have LORELAI: No, she's off the hook. You guys have all night to. . .talk. Enjoy. Good to have you back, Dean. DEAN: Thanks. LORELAI: See you later. [leaves] DEAN: So, did I interrupt something? RORY: No, nothing. Uh, we were just. . .hi, you're back. DEAN: Yeah, I'm back and I'm glad to find you not blonde. RORY: Yeah, I was just having way too much fun, so . . . DEAN: I missed you. RORY: I missed you, too. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [The doorbell rings; Emily answers the door] EMILY: Lorelai, nice to see you. LORELAI: Oh, sorry I'm late, Mom. EMILY: No, don't be sorry. That's what the warm setting was invented for. Richard, Lorelai's here! LORELAI: Um, Mom, before we get the evening started and all, I wanna tell you something. EMILY: Well, tell me outside. LORELAI: No, I'll just do it here. EMILY: Why? LORELAI: Oh, there's just something about standing near the exit that's really working for me. EMILY: You're being silly, you don't discuss things standing by a door. Come outside, come on. RICHARD: I may have to take one more call tonight, Emily. Ben Stellen and I got cut off. Hello Lorelai. EMILY: Well, come outside with us until he calls back. Lorelai's about to tell us something. RICHARD: Oh, perhaps that she's decided to buy an accurate timepiece. EMILY: Oh, Richard. [they start walking to the back patio] Is Rory okay? LORELAI: Oh, yes, Rory's fine, I'm fine, everything's fine, it's really not that big a deal. RICHARD: What would you like to drink? LORELAI: Oh, whatever. RICHARD: I can't read minds, Lorelai. LORELAI: I really don't care, Dad. Whatever you have. RICHARD: We have everything, Lorelai. LORELAI: Al right, I'll have a Yaegermeister and a Jell-O shot. RICHARD: Uh, excuse me? LORELAI: White wine. EMILY: All right, sit, sit. [they sit down] Now go ahead, tell us. LORELAI: Okay, well EMILY: Oh, wait just a second. We brought you something from Martha's Vineyard. LORELAI: Oh, that's great, but maybe we could just do. . . [Emily hands her a gift bag]. . .okay, I guess it's present time. EMILY: Open it. [pulls something out of the bag] LORELAI: Scone mix, wow. EMILY: This new little place opened right down the road from our house and they make these wonderful scones, and that is their mix so you can make them right in your own kitchen. LORELAI: Well, thanks, Mom. I will put this right on the counter and stare at it for many years to come. EMILY: You're not going to make them? LORELAI: Oh, I'm not really much of a baker. EMILY: But the instructions are right there on the back. LORELAI: Yeah, I know, but still. EMILY: Still what? Those are good scones. LORELAI: Hey, maybe I'll give this to Sookie and she'll bake them. EMILY: I don't understand why you simply can't follow those directions and make the scones. RICHARD: Rory would love those scones. LORELAI: Okay, I promise one way or another, the scones will get eaten. That being said, can we please move on? EMILY: Fine, go ahead, talk, we're listening. LORELAI: Um, okay, well, um, it's about Christopher. EMILY: Oh, that reminds me, we got him a captain's hat. Richard, where is that hat? Lorelai can bring it to him. LORELAI: No, I can't! EMILY: Why not? LORELAI: Well, it's just, um. . .Chris and I aren't . . . RICHARD: Aren't what? EMILY: They aren't together anymore, Richard. RICHARD: Why not? EMILY: I'm sure a vague reason is forthcoming. LORELAI: It just didn't work out, that's all. EMILY: And there it is. LORELAI: I know you're disappointed. EMILY: Disappointed, oh please! Lorelai, this is ridiculous. The two of you aren't in high school anymore. LORELAI: I know. RICHARD: Emily, let's not talk about this. EMILY: No, we are going to talk about it. You're running around like you have no responsibility in life, like you can flit from thing to thing. . . LORELAI: That's not true. EMILY:. . .from man to man. LORELAI: I don't flit from man to man. EMILY: You have a daughter, this affects Rory too, you know! RICHARD: Emily, you're wasting your breath. LORELAI: I know this affects Rory. I'm not doing this lightly. In fact, I'm not doing anything at all. RICHARD: There's no reason to raise your voice. LORELAI: I can't believe this. EMILY: I wanna know why. I want a reason. I don't want any of this just because' and it just didn't work out' nonsense. I want a solid, adult reason why the father of my granddaughter and her mother can't seem to put a family together. LORELAI: His girlfriend is pregnant. EMILY: What? LORELAI: Sherry is pregnant, and when Christopher found out, he went back to her and that, Mother, is the reason. EMILY: Are they getting married? LORELAI: I don't know probably. RICHARD: Oh, of course they're getting married. EMILY: How do you know? RICHARD: I know because I know Christopher, and Christopher always tries to do the right thing. EMILY: The right thing is for him to be with his family. Lorelai and Rory are his family. He met this woman two minutes ago. RICHARD: Emily, he is going to be a father. EMILY: He already is a father! LORELAI: I really really don't wanna discuss this anymore. EMILY: Lorelai, you have to talk to him. LORELAI: There's nothing to talk about. EMILY: Tell him you wanna get married. LORELAI: Okay, Mom, please stop. RICHARD: Yes, Emily, please stop. You know that Lorelai never does anything unless she wants to no matter the consequences to anyone else. LORELAI: What's that supposed to mean? EMILY: Lorelai wants to be with Christopher, she told us that at the wedding. RICHARD: Yes, and now the wind has changed. LORELAI: Excuse me? RICHARD: Christopher is living up to his responsibilities as he tried to do many years ago with Lorelai, then she turned him down and turned him away. LORELAI: I was sixteen. RICHARD: If Christopher has found someone who will actually allow him to be a father to his own child, then of course, that's what he's going to do. EMILY: So you support this? RICHARD: I understand this. EMILY: I am appalled by your attitude. RICHARD: And I am shocked by your naïveté. Did you really expect this to work out? Did you really have pictures of Norman Rockwell family Christmases dancing in your head? Lorelai had her chance for a family, she walked away from it. That was her choice. He has a chance to be a father. I applaud him. EMILY: Then you're an idiot. RICHARD: If you'll excuse me, I'm going into my study. EMILY: Richard! You do not walk out on me when we are having a discussion. Richard! [While Emily and Richard are arguing, Lorelai walks into the house and leaves through the front door] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai pulls up in the town square. She looks around, then walks into Luke's Diner. Luke is standing at the cash register.] LUKE: We're closed. LORELAI: I know. Look, I didn't come here to make up, or to try to get you to forgive me, or talk. I wouldn't even have come here at all but I had a really crappy night and I really, really need a cup of coffee. Just pretend I'm not me. I'm Mimi, a new customer. I've never been in here before. I was just walking down the street and I spotted this place. Ooh, hey, nice place.' And I came in. Now Mimi is going to pour herself a cup of coffee and sit over here way far away from you, and she promises, just as soon as she's done, she will rinse out her own cup and leave. [Lorelai pours herself a cup of coffee and sits at the end of the counter.] LORELAI: This is the second time I let myself do this. LUKE: Do what? LORELAI: Think I finally found it. LUKE: Found what? LORELAI: Love, comfort, safety. LUKE: Ah. LORELAI: I mean, first with Max, which of course, I screwed up, and then with Christopher, which of course, all the elements of the universe got together to screw up. LUKE: Yup, it's tough when the universe is against you. That's like taking on the Manhattan garbage union. LORELAI: I always thought if he could just get it together, grow up maybe we could do it. Maybe we could really be a family, in the stupid, traditional Dan Quayle, golden retriever, grow old together, wear matching jogging suits' kind of way. And then he did get it together he became that guy. . . and he gets to be that guy with her. Chris is gonna have a baby with his girlfriend. He's gonna marry her. . .and he's gonna be there for her while she's pregnant and he's gonna be there with her while her child grows up, and he's gonna be there for her while she does. . . whatever it is she does. And I am in exactly the same place that I was in before. LUKE: Is that so bad? I mean, you got Rory. LORELAI: Yes, I do. LUKE: You got friends, you got a house, a job, apparently an iron stomach. LORELAI: No, it's not so bad. I'm lucky, I know. I just. . .I feel like I'm never gonna have it. . .the whole package, you know? That person, that couple life, and I swear, I hate admitting it because I fancy myself Wonder Woman, but. . .I really want it the whole package. [Luke puts a donut on a plate, then slides it down the counter to her] LUKE: You'll get it. LORELAI: How do you know? LUKE: I know. LORELAI: How do you know? LUKE: Because I know, okay? I know. Now eat your donut. LORELAI: I'm really not very hungry. LUKE: Well, take it with you. You will be later. [Lorelai wraps up the donut and puts it in her purse, then pulls out some money] LUKE: Forget it, first time customers are on the house. Mimi, was it? LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: Come again, Mimi. LORELAI: Thanks, I will. Seems like a very nice place. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory is in the living room as Lorelai walks into the house] LORELAI: Hey, you're home. RORY: Yup, I'm home. LORELAI: Oh, hey, I figured how to get the Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer out of our heads to sing the Small World song over and over for the next forty-eight hours. Of course, how we get the Small World song out of our heads, I have not worked out yet. Okay, see, that was not how that whole scene between us was supposed to go. RORY: No? [They sit down on the couch] LORELAI: No. I mean, yes, I was surprised and I do think the basic sentiment of make up your mind' was kind of called for. RORY: Absolutely called for. LORELAI: But I didn't mean to upset you and yell at you and make you feel bad, I'm really sorry, hon. RORY: I know, but you were right. LORELAI: Ah, well, that's once, I guess. RORY: So how was dinner? LORELAI: So how was Dean? RORY: So how was dinner? LORELAI: So how was Dean? RORY: Ladies and Gentlemen, the Williams' sisters take center stage at Wimbledon once again. LORELAI: Dinner was bad. RORY: Sorry. LORELAI: That's okay, I knew it would be. Oh, but the good news is we can now go back to Luke's. RORY: You made up! How did you make up? LORELAI: Well, I'm Mimi now. RORY: Oh, sure. LORELAI: So speaking of Dean, is there still a Dean? RORY: Yeah, there's still a Dean. LORELAI: Really? RORY: I don't know what I was doing. Maybe it's because I haven't dated a lot but this Jess thing was crazy. And I do love Dean and you were absolutely right I was treating him like dirt and I wasn't appreciating what was right in front of me, but I'm going to now. LORELAI: Rory, I don't want you to stay with Dean because of me. RORY: I know. LORELAI: Cause I was upset earlier. RORY: I know. LORELAI: I still have this Christopher thing bugging me and the pressure of tonight's dinner. RORY: I know. LORELAI: I didn't wanna upset you and I certainly don't want you to make an important decision off of RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Because it's too important RORY: Mom. LORELAI: And I just want you to be happy. RORY: Mom! All I did was think about what you said, that's all. Then I analyzed the situation. LORELAI: And then you made a pro and con list. RORY: You're mocking me, but yes, I did. And after all of this, I came to the conclusion that I want to make things good with Dean, and he deserves my undivided attention. LORELAI: And you feel good about this? RORY: I feel really good about this. LORELAI: Okay, because if you decided you really did wanna date Jess, I would help you. . .get vaccinated. RORY: Thank you, but I'm good. LORELAI: All right, as long as you're good. RORY: I am good. LORELAI: Well, okay, good. RORY: What about you, are you good? LORELAI: Me? Well, I'm gonna be good. RORY: Is there anything I can do to help? LORELAI: Your existence is a huge help. RORY: We're both gonna be good. LORELAI: Yeah. I wonder if Christopher and Sherry's baby is going to look like me? RORY: Well, if the kid knows what's good for it, it absolutely will. LORELAI: Hand me my purse, will you? I'm hungry.
doc_219	DSR Rambaldi artifact storage facility Guard is walking around and he gets tackled by a man. Man kills guard. Not quite sure how. Man 1: (to radio) I'm in. We see an assault team on the roof. They blow the locks off the gates and steal all the Rambaldi artifacts. Including the nightingale coil, and a ball, which turns out to be the sphere of life. Sydney's apartment. Sydney comes inside. Sydney: Hey, there's a cab waiting outside. Nadia: She wouldn't let me drive her to the airport. (she's standing next to Sophia/Elena) Sydney: Is everything okay? Nadia: The Lisbon police called. It's safe for Sophia to go home. Sydney: Oh, that's great. (gives Sophia a big hug) I'm so glad you came. Sophia: Thank you. Sophia/Elena: Look at the two of you. Such beautiful and smart women. Before I make a fool of myself. . .(gives Nadia a hug) Nadia: Promise you'll come back. Sophia: Nadia, for you, anything. APO Vaughn is watching Jack in his office. Jack is on the phone. Vaughn starts walking toward Jack's office. Marshall stops him. Marshall: Oh, hey, Vaughn. Could you sign this? It's for Weiss. His grandfather died. (wouldn't Vaughn already know something like that?) Vaughn: Yeah, actually, can I do it in a little bit? I need to ask Jack something first. Marshall: Oh, sure. No problem. (follows Vaughn as he continues to Jack's office) Vaughn: Where are you going? Marshall: Well, I thought I'd go with you to get Mr. Bristow to sign this while we're in there. Vaughn: You know what? Actually, I need to see him alone. It's kind of personal. Marshall: Oh. Uh, since when can you tell Mr. Bristow something you can't tell me? Vaughn: This is something I need to ask Jack. If you were Sydney's father, I could ask you, but you're not. Marshall: No, I'm not. I still don't understand what me not being Sydney's father has to do with you- Vaughn: (pulls out the ring and shows it to Marshall) Understand now? Marshall: Oh, my God. Hey, man. Congratulations. That's fantastic. I'm sure Mr. Bristow's gonna be thrilled. Vaughn: Really? I'm just hoping he doesn't shoot him on the spot. (he goes to Jack's office) Jack: (on the phone speaking in foreign language) No. You're not listening, General. (Vaughn walks in) We're not going to pay you. Because I don't believe it exists. Fine (he hangs up and speaks to Vaughn in English) As if weapon-grade anthrax grows on trees. What is it? Vaughn: Oh, if this is a bad time, I can- Jack: No, please. After dealing with that Cechnyan lunatic for the past couple of hours, whatever business you have will be a welcome relief. Vaughn: Well, we've, um. . .I know you're a man who- I know you're a man who respects tradition. As I do. And- Jack: Please get to the point, Agent Vaughn. Vaughn: I'm gonna ask Sydney to marry me, and I'd like your blessing. Jack: Perhaps you believe my recent illness has rendered me less coherent than before, or that my cognitive faculties have been somehow dulled or diminished. Allow me to clarify the facts for you, Agent Vaughn. While I've come to believe you're not as useless as I first imagined, I still don't feel you have- (alarms go off) CIA agents come in carrying boxes. Agent: Everyone please remain where you are. This is a warranted search. Jack: May I see that? Agent: (hands Jack a piece of paper) We've been authorized to confiscate all relevant materials. Jack: It's been signed by Director Chase. Sydney's apartment. Director Chase and CIA agents knock on the door and Sydney answers. Chase: Where's your sister? Sydney: What? Chase: I expect your full cooperation. (Chase and agents enter with boxes) Sydney: If Nadia's in some kind of trouble- Chase: Where is she? Sydney: In the shower. Agent enters the bathroom. We hear water running. Nadia, wrapped up in a towel, knocks him out and takes his gun. She slowly walks out. Chase: Stand down, Agent Santos. (Nadia gives her the gun) Nadia: What's this about? Chase: (to Nadia) Men are dead. Things are gone, and you've got some explaining to do. The agents continue to search the apartment. They find numerous guns and knives hidden throughout the apartment. Nadia sits in a robe being interrogated by Chase. Chase: (shows Nadia's laptop to Nadia) Is this yours? Nadia: Yes. Chase: Does anyone else use it or have access to it? Nadia: No. Chase: Not even Sydney. Nadia: I said no. Sydney has her own laptop. She also has- We see an agent interrogating Sydney. Agent: -an assault rifle, a 12-gauge shotgun, four handguns, two tazers, and a . . .secret drawer of knives. Let's start with the knives. Sydney: Let's start with you not wasting my time. Director Chase says men are dead. What men? What does she think Nadia did? Chase: (to Nadia) We know you overrode the DSR security system tonight. Nadia: What? Chase: Alarms on an access door were deactivated. We traced the override command to your laptop. And you just told me that you're the only one who uses it. Nadia: Yes, but I didn't do it. Chase: We also have evidence that tonight's incident isn't the only one that leads back t o you and this laptop. An agent uses a scanner on a bookshelf. He opens a jewelry box and sees the necklace Sophia/Elena gave to Nadia. He brings the necklace to Chase. Jack and Sloane enter the apartment. Jack: (to an agent standing at the door) We have clearance. Sydney: Micro transmitter? Chase: In the medallion. When did she give you this? Nadia: Few weeks ago. Why should Sophia do something like that? Jack: It would help explain why several missions were compromised. Sloane: I personally investigated Sophia Vargas when she first arrived. Prints, background- everything came back clean. Chase: Well, somebody tapped into Agent Santos's laptop. And because of it, five agents are dead. And several Rambaldi artifacts are gone. Nadia: I don't believe it. I won't. Sydney: Why would she do this? Jack: I think our clue lies in what was stolen. Sloane: You're reaching for straws, Jack. Jack: Am I? Who else would be capable of pulling this off? Chase: What are you talking about? Jack: Elena. Sydney: You think Sophia Vargas is connected to Elena Derevko? Jack: No. I think Sophia Vargas is Elena Derevko. Arvin and I have been searching for her for months. I believe she found us first. Has been using us to achieve her own end. Sydney: You mean the journal of Vaughn's father, Sloane Clone- Jack: McCullough, everything. It's been Elena all along. Sydney: Oh, my God. Nadia: You're saying it's all a lie? That she spent all these years, all this time, so she could steal some Rambaldi artifacts? Jack: She is a Derevko. Her sisters possessed that same single-minded purpose. Sloane: If Jack is right, if Elena has gathered Rambaldi artifacts, her final step would be to assemble them. We can't let that happen. APO Sloane's office. Nadia walks in. Nadia: She never made it to the airport. The cab dropped her off a few blocks from our house. Sloane: Have Marshall check traffic cams in the area. Nadia: I already did. I also notified the FFA to check flight manifests, and I updated train and bus stations with her current I. D. Sloane: Good. We'll find her. Nadia: I brought her into my house. This is my fault. Sloane: No, Nadia, it's mine. It was my obsession with Rambaldi that pulled you into this. It's my mess. It's my responsibility to clean it up. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you- the betrayal. Nadia: I'm just glad we found her. That I know the truth. Sloane: Yeah. So, if Elena has all the Rambaldi pieces, there is only one place she can go. Nadia: To see Lazlo Drake. Sloane: Yes. Nadia: I'm on it. Sloane: Nadia? We'll find her. I promise you. I will end this. China, one year earlier. Nadia and Sloane are in a car, being driven. Nadia: I don't understand. Why are we in China when I already told you Rambaldi's sphere of life is buried in Siena? Sloane: Because I need answers to a few final questions. Lazlo Drake is the only man in the world who can provide that. The car stops, there are people passing with animals, in the road. Driver: (in foreign language) Sorry, sir, it will be a few minutes. Sloane: (to driver in foreign language) Okay. (to Nadia in English) Before he went into hiding, Drake was a professor of European history. He built his reputation on the single most important discovery of his life- a manuscript. In effect, a template describing how Rambaldi's creations were to be assembled in order to bring forth his final prophecy. Just know that we're gonna make the world a better place, and we need Drake to do it. Later, nighttime outside, somewhere. We meet Drake. Sloane: Professor Drake, my name is- Drake: Arvin Sloane. Yes. Sloane: You know who I am? Drake: How could I possibly not know of you, Mr. Sloane? Your appetite for all things Rambaldi is almost legendary. Sloane: This is my daughter, Nadia. Drake: My God. (he looks at her) I am honored to meet you. Nadia: Thanks. Drake: Lovely. Please. (they sit down around the campfire on various logs) You have no idea what it is like to be in your presence. It is like meeting the virgin Mary. Nadia: What do you mean? Sloane: Drake, you know why we're here. Drake: You have collected the Sphere of Life. Sloane: No, not yet. But we know where it is. Drake: If it is not in your possession, we have nothing to discuss. Sloane: You have the only known translation of Rambaldi's Vademecum- instructions for how the pieces fit together. I need to know. Drake: That is information I will share with whoever has all the artifacts in his possession. Your visit is premature, Mr. Sloane. I suggest you come back, when you have retrieved all the items, including the Sphere. (to Nadia, he takes her hand) You will come back too, won't you? I would like that. Sloane: (breaks their hands apart) Nadia, I wonder if you would let me speak to the professor alone. (Nadia gets up and walks away) Drake: I never thought I would see, let alone touch with my own hands, a living embodiment. Sloane: My daughter is not an artifact. Drake: So protective of her. Sloane: She is my daughter. Drake: You brought her on this journey for one reason- only she can retrieve the Sphere of Life. Only she knows its secret location. You know that. Sloane: I didn't come this far to quit. Siena Sloane and Nadia are wandering around on some hills. Nadia: This is it. (they enter a cave, and walk down some stairs) Sloane: Rambaldi wrote that a man would come and discover the true meaning of his work. And in doing so would change the world. I always wanted to be that man. They come to a room. Sloane lights a torch, which causes the other torches to light up. We see a Rambaldi eye made up of small shards of glass. In the center of the eye is a stand holding the Sphere of Life. Sloane: It's made of glass. Think of it. You and I are the first ones to set foot in here in almost 500 years. Do you have any idea how many lesser people have dreamed of this moment? And only you can complete this. Nadia: What? Sloane: Nadia, this is the part of the journey that I can't take. You have to bring the box. Nadia: I don't understand. Sloane: Rambaldi had a role for you to play. I need you to do this Nadia. I need you to bring me that Sphere. Nadia, we can change the world. Go. (pause) Go. Nadia steps out carefully onto the glass. You can hear the shards scraping against each other. Sloane: Have faith, sweetheart. (She reaches the stand) Yes. (she opens the box) No, Nadia. Bring the box to me. Nadia touches the box and sees visions of what happens in the finale. Includes Sydney and Nadia fighting, the red ball, and the sound of a horse neighing. Nadia: (to Sloane) You lied. It was not about peace. (she leaves the box where it is and goes back to Sloane) Sloane: Nadia, I am your father. You will go back there and bring me the box. (he grabs her roughly) You get back there. I want that box. Nadia: (crying) You think you can control this power, but it's poisoning you. Don't you see it? You don't have to do this. Please. Let's just walk away. You and I, together. Sloane: Coward! (he pushes her) Nadia: Please, let's just go. Sloane: I don't need you. (he steps out onto the glass) He chose me. (he slowly closes the box back up) See? (the glass breaks and he falls threw) and down the hole) Nadia finds him at the bottom of the hole. There are some glass shards sticking out of him. Nadia pulls the shards out. Sloane: You're still here. Nadia: Try not to talk. You've lost a lot of blood. Sloane: I didn't think that you would be here after I- Nadia: You're my father. I'm going to get you out of here. Sloane: Thank you. Nadia: That shard of glass in your chest- when I move you, it might kill you. I need to pull it out. Sloane: Okay. (she pulls it out) Ahhh! APO Briefing room. Gang around the table including Chase. Chase: Who's Lazlo Drake? Sloane: He is the self-appointed keeper to Rambaldi's endgame. For Elena to complete her plan, she will have to contact him. He has what amounts to the instruction booklet. Vaughn: I'm sorry, maybe it's only me, but what do you mean when you say "Rambaldi's endgame"? I mean, what is it? Is it a scenario? A weapon? Sloane: In Elena's hands, most likely an apocalypse. Jack: Which is why we need to get to Lazlo Drake before she does. Nadia: Drake's completely off the grid. The manuscript has made him a target. He never stays in one place too long. We saw him in China. He could be anywhere. Sydney: If Drake's gone underground, he needs a source of income. Nadia: That's the path I've been pursuing. Greyson Wells, billionaire financer. Vaughn: Organized crime. Money laundering. CIA's been watching him for years. Nadia: He's also the man who financed most of Drake's early research into Rambaldi. Jack: If they're in communication, he might know where to find Drake. Sloane: Agreed. Coordinate with ops. Draft up a plan to approach Wells. I'll start preparations to talk to Lazlo Drake myself once we have his location. Dixon: I believe you're forbidden from participating in cases involving this particular subject matter. Chase: Agent Dixon has a point. Sloane: Yes. I'm aware of the agreement. But I have a history with Drake. Sydney: So does Nadia. Sloane: I'm sure Nadia would agree that her presence would only complicate matters. Nadia: He's right. Sloane: Drake will talk to me. If we approach this tactically, his security force will respond. We can not let this turn into a firefight. Our timetable is too critical. Chase: Proceed as instructed. Once you have a location on Drake, you'll relay it to Director Sloane. That's it, people. Be safe. Cannes Sydney walks into a jewelry shop, wearing a white fur coat. Doorman: Bonjour. (speaks French, Sydney hands him her purse) Sydney: Don't touch the fur. (pause) All right, you may touch the fur. (she holds out her arm) Once. Doorman: (touches the fur) Merci. Sydney walks on. She takes a glass of champagne from a waiter. She continues walking and brushes up against Greyson Wells. She continues over to the jewelry counter. Doorman: Please, let me know if there is anything in particular you would like to see. (Sydney taps on the glass at a bracelet) Ah, very good. Platinum Liana. (Sydney goes to sit) Fully paired with the flawless brilliance. (brings her the bracelet) Can be worn as a bracelet or an anklet. Sydney: (she lifts up her ankle) Put. (he does) Hm. (to Wells) What do you think? Ankle or wrist? Wells: Well, to be honest, I've always found anklets to be a bit vulgar. Though, admittedly, you are making me rethink my position. I think I'd have to see it on your wrist before I gave an informed opinion. Sydney: Do. (Wells comes over and unattaches the bracelet from her ankle and, when he takes her wrist, we see they both have the Rambaldi eye tattoo on their hands) Something wrong? Wells: It appears we have a mutual interest. (he puts the bracelet on her wrist) Sydney: So it seems. (she goes and stands in front of a mirror) Hm. Wells: Better as a bracelet. Will you allow me to buy it for you? Sydney: You trying to impress me? Wells: Well, that depends. Is it working? Sydney: Sweetheart, it's not your money I'm interested in. [SCENE_BREAK] In another room, Sydney is still in her disguise talking on the cell phone. Sydney: (to phone) I'm going with you to see Drake. Sloane: This is not your call Sydney. Sydney: It is now. I have his location. I'll go alone if I have to. Sloane: Well, he's not gonna talk to you. Sydney: Then I suggest you get on a plane. Solana airfield. Outside Mexico City. 0800 hours. I'll be there when you land, and we'll go see Drake together. (she leaves and we see Wells sitting in his boxers and tied up in a chair) APO Marshall's lab. He's taking apart the necklace Elena gave to Nadia. Marshall: Well, all the parts are pretty generic. I mean, it's really difficult to track where it came from. Sorry. Nadia: It's all right. I just feel stupid I trusted her. Marshall: Hey, I don't blame you. I mean, she was like family. You know, but don't put this on your self. I mean, hell, I trusted Sloane for 6 years before I found out he was evil. You know. . .not that he's evil, per se. . .We have a long history together. Look we're gonna find this Sophia/Elena woman person. Your dad's totally on it. Mexico Sydney stands near the runway as Sloane's plane lands. Sloane gets out of the plane and goes to Sydney. They start walking. Sloane: This is a reckless course of action. Sydney: Try calculated. I'm not letting you meet with a man who's gonna tell you how to put the Rambaldi contraption together. Sloane: That's ridiculous. I had everything I needed last year, and I gave it up. You know that, Sydney. Sydney: You didn't have everything. Sloane: You're putting yourself in danger by coming with me. Sydney: I know what I'm doing. I just hope you do, because I swear if this is about you and your twisted beliefs- Sloane: Do you have any idea about what Nadia has been through. Betrayed by the woman who raised her. I would never do anything to put her in any more pain. I'm here for one reason alone- to put an end to this nightmare once and for all. Sydney: I wish I could believe you. They drive to a trailer out in the middle of nowhere. Sydney: Looks cozy. (they walk up to the doorway and see a dead man underneath a tree) Sloane: Elena got here before us. Sydney: (she opens the door and we see Drake, dead, in a chair) It's Drake. Sloane: He's dead, isn't he? If I didn't have to rendezvous with you, I would have been here hours ago. Sydney: If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have to be here at all. (Sydney walks around the trailer, looking around) Sloane: What are you doing? Sydney sees a camera in the tree. They go inside the trailer. Sydney opens cabinets looking for something. She finds a tv screen. She finds the remote. She turns it on. The screen shows her and Sloane standing there. Sloane: See if you can rewind the feed. She rewinds it and we see Elena sitting talking with Drake. Sloane stands behind her. Sloane: (he takes the remote from Sydney) Here, let's start over again at the beginning. Drake: I have to admit, I did not think it would be you. Elena: You thought Arvin Sloane would have all the artifacts. Drake: He nearly completed the work once before. Elena: And failed. He threw it away. And for what? The girl. Drake: Do you have a secure facility to assemble everything. Elena: I do. A factory outside of- Sloane turns the tv off. He tranqs Sydney before she can react. Sloane: I'm sorry, Sydney. I'm so sorry. (he lays her gently on the floor) APO Jack's office. His phone rings. He answers. Jack: Yes? Sydney: Sloane tranqed me. That bstrd knocked me out before I could get Elena's location. Jack: Are you alright? Sydney: I saw this coming and he still beat me. Jack: Sydney, are you sure you're okay? Sydney: Dad, I'm okay. Jack: I'll notify Director Chase. We'll find him. Stairwell Dixon is standing and Chase comes in. Chase: Agent Dixon. Dixon: Why didn't you stop Sloane when you had the chance? Chase: I understand your reaction. Dixon: You just opened the door to temptation and let Sloane walk through it? Chase: End of discussion. (Dixon goes to leave) Hey. . . Dixon: This man's taken lives. Chase: I did what I thought was best. Dixon: I know. In spite of all this, it's good to see you. Chase: Yeah. (they kiss) Weekends aren't enough. Dixon: Tell me about it. Sydney's still in Mexico. Sydney: (answers phone) Yes? I have an idea but you're gonna hate it. Jack: You want me to talk to your Aunt Katya. (Jack is walking down a corridor) Sydney: How did you know that? Jack: First you said I would hate the idea, and you're correct. Second, I arrived at the same conclusion myself. We're at a complete impasse here. Time is running out and she's the only Derevko we have. Call you afterwards. Jack is at Katya's cell. He enters. Jack: Lock the door behind me. Katya: (sitting on her bed) Is that look on your face supposed to be intimidating? You forget, Jack- I've seen your tender side. Jack: I need everything you know on Elena's operations- right now. Katya: What makes you think I know anything? Jack: Call it an instinct. Katya: Do you intend to torture me? Jack: If I have to. Katya: While I know that would be enjoyable for both of us, I should warn you, I have quite a bit of stamina. But you already know that about me. Jack: What do you want? Katya: Full pardon. Immediate release. Jack: I don't have that authority. Katya: You'll find a way. Jack: If the information you provide leads us to Elena, I will do everything in my power to procure your freedom. You have my word. Katya: If you're here, my sister must be pursuing aggressive action. What has she done? Jack: She broke into the DSR, stole a cache of Rambaldi artifacts. Katya: She has been acquiring artifacts for several years now through her front. Jack: Her front? Katya: Don't look so surprised. It has been happening right before your eyes. Jack: The Covenant. Katya: See? I knew you could do it, handsome. Jack: Elena ran the covenant? That's impossible. We dismantled its operations. Katya: No, that's what she wanted you to believe. You took down a straw man. Elena's agenda's always been the same. It's always been Rambaldi. Jack: How do we stop her? Katya: You are asking the wrong sister. Irina spent the last few years of her life tracking Elena. She was determined to stop our sister from enacting her endgame. And she would have done it, too, but. . .you had to go and put a bullet in her head. Jack: I was set up. Elena put a hit out on Sydney, and framed Irina for it. Katya: Oh, I see. So you executed my sister on a misunderstanding. Oh, then all is forgiven. Don't stand there pretending you're a patsy. You're too good at what you do. If you pulled the trigger, part of you wanted to be manipulated. I can help you find Elena. But unfortunately, I cannot tell you how to stop her. Thanks to you, that hope died with Irina. Jack: (on phone) Sydney, listen carefully. Elena Derevko is in Praque. Her base of operations is a decommissioned chemical facility south of the industrial zone. Sydney: And Katy knew that? She just gave you that location? Jack: No, Katya never just gives anything. But she tied Elena to the Covenant, knew she worked out of Europe. Marshall and Vaughn were able to pinpoint her exact location based on declassified KGB files and some thermal satellite imaging. Sydney: Do you think we can trust her? Jack: She's a Derevko. I need you get on a plane and rendezvous with Dixon and Nadia at Ruzyne Airport. The cargo terminal. They have your ops plan. Sydney: I'm on my way. (she hangs up) Prague Elena's facility. Daytime. Elena sits at a desk in her office. Someone knocks on the door. Two men come in with Sloane between them. The men leave. Elena: My men think you're hear to kill me. Sloane: You should hire smarter men. Elena: You walk in, unarmed, and surrender yourself. You're not the most convincing, so let me guess. You're here to offer me a deal. Sloane: I know what you're trying to do. I can help. Elena: Thank God. Sloane: You're wise enough to see my value. There's no one on this earth who knows more about Milo Rambaldi. Elena: I'd heard you reformed. Sloane: I suppose I've been born again. Elena's facility. Nighttime. Dixon, Nadia, Sydney are near a fence. Sydney: (on comms) Perimeter security has been disabled. Phoenix and team are on the move. Jack: (in Marshall's lab) Copy, Phoenix. Director Chase has authorized shoot to kill. Nadia: Copy that. Marshall: Okay, now we have the facility on thermal satellite. Looks like there are about 40 people inside. And the blueprints we acquired were accurate. There are three main areas to secure. Sydney: Understood. Jack: Sydney, be careful. Sydney: Copy. Let's move. They sneak off in various directions. Nadia walks down a hallway. Sydney comes to a lab where she avoids confrontation with 2 men. Dixon is near an exit where he sees a prisoner being led into a van. Man: The prisoner, right? Man 2: Yes, of course. I'm bringing her down. Man: Transferring prisoner. (they go in a van and drive off) Sloane comes up behind and draws a gun on Dixon. Sloane: I was as surprised as you are. Dixon: (has his gun out too) Drop your weapon. Sloane: No, Marcus. Drop yours. Dixon: I said drop your weapon Sloane. Marshall: Okay, I got em. Pinpointing their location. (Nadia runs down a hallway) Jack: They're at the loading dock. East side of the building. Dixon: Put your weapon on the ground. Sloane: I warned Sydney. I warned all of you not to do this. Dixon: I mean it. Sloane: Please, Marcus. It's too big now. You can't stop this. Only I can. Sydney attacks a man. Nadia attacks a man. They both run into the same hallway. Sloane: You'll have to trust me. Dixon: Trust you? Sloane: Get out of here now. Nadia and Sydney hear some gunshots. They run toward the sound. Dixon falls, to reveal Elena, who shot him in the back. Jack: Outrigger, report. Outrigger, report. Elena: Time to leave. (she and Sloane leave) Nadia and Sydney run to Dixon. Sydney: Dixon! Nadia: Evergreen to base. We need an emergency medical extraction. We have a man down. Repeat, we hav ea man down. Sydney: Dixon. Hospital Sydney is standing outside Dixon's cubicle. Dixon lies on a bed. Chase kisses him. Jack walks up to Sydney. Chase leaves. Chase: If anything changes, you call me. (leaves) Sydney: (to Jack) Did you have any idea she and Dixon. . . Jack: No. But then I tend to miss those kinds of details. Sydney: What are you talking about. You're the master of details. Jack: Really? I've gone over the details a thousand times in my mind. Each one added up to the same conclusion- that your life was in danger and your mother was the lethal threat. Sydney: Dad, we've gone over this. You don't need- Jack: I've lived my life trusting in the veracity of details, and in doing so, I lost sight of the one thing I know to be true. Your mother would never hurt you. She was ready to shut Elena down, and I killed her. She was our only hope. Sydney: That's not true. We can stop them. I know it. You and I may disagree on a lot of things, but I never question your motives. You always have my bests interests at heart. I know that. Jack: How's Nadia feeling? (Nadia is sitting on a bench down the hall) Sydney: I don't think she's feeling much of anything, right now. Inside a vehicle. Sloane and Elena. Elena: How could you let Sydney and Nadia follow? Sloane: Everything is proceeding as planned. Elena: You talk the talk, but I'm still not convinced you've returned to the fold. We'll see if you have what it takes to finish the journey. Hallway outside APO. Vaughn is waiting for the elevator. Jack gets out the elevator. Vaughn: How's Dixon? Jack: The same. Sydney and Nadia are there now. (Vaughn starts to leave) You asked me a question earlier that I didn't get a chance to answer properly. Vaughn: I'd say the answer was loud and clear. Jack: We're more alike than I care to admit, Agent Vaughn. And I realized now that in disapproving of you I was only hating my own limitations. I wasn't asking myself what would be best for Sydney. If you honestly believe that you can make my daughter happy, then by all means you have my blessing to marry her. Vaughn: Okay. (Jack leaves) Back at hospital. Nadia and Sydney sitting on the bench. Nadia: You always knew my father would do this. Sydney: I hoped he wouldn't. Nadia: Despite everything, I really believed that he chose me. You must think I'm pretty foolish. Sydney: Of course not. He's your father. Nurse: (walks up) Agent Bristow, Agent Santos, he's asking for you. (they go to Dixon) Sydney: Dixon. We have been so worried about you. Dixon: Before I saw Sloane, I saw a prisoner, shackled. Syd. . .it's your mother. She's alive.
doc_220	Act 1 Scene 1 - KACL Fade in. Frasier is on the air. Frasier: Welcome back, Seattle. Thank you for joining us for this, our two thousandth show. Hard to believe, isn't it Roz? Roz: No, that feels just about right. Frasier: Ah, yes, well what a festive day this is. No stop has been un-pulled. I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge the anniversary luncheon spread supplied by our friends at Senor José Fong, home of the sweet and sour taco. Roz takes a bite of one. Frasier: And don't forget, a little later, we'll have Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, live in studio to congratulate me on my two thousandth show. Apparently, I hear through the grapevine, he is a big fan. Roz, what do we have next? Roz: It's time for another blooper. Frasier: Oh, well, I believe we're up to number four, as voted by you, the listeners. Here's what happened when a certain producer... [Roz grins sheepishly] didn't realize her microphone was on, during the show... Roz plugs in a cart. Roz: [on tape] Now what the [beep] is this!? You call this a [beep] paycheck?! How the [beep] am I supposed to live on this [beep]!? I'm gonna have a little word with that [beep]- damn station manager, walking around here like he owns the mother-[beep]-ing place! Kenny has entered during this last sentence. As Frasier and Roz are cracking up listening to the tape, he leans over the guest mike. Kenny: Can't believe that wasn't voted number one. Frasier: Ladies and gentlemen, it's our station manager, KACL's own Kenny Daly. Kenny: Listen, Doc, I got a special someone out there who'd like to say "Hello". Frasier: By all means, let's bring him in, Kenny. Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest has finally arrived. Please welcome... Bulldog Briscoe comes in and loudly barks, then hits his air horn. Frasier: ...Bulldog! Bulldog: Great to see you, Doc. Hey, Roz. Roz makes a gesture of greeting that looks suspiciously like "Up yours." Frasier: Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's our old friend and former colleague, Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe. Thanks for coming down and helping me celebrate my two thousandth show. Bulldog: Yeah, yeah congrats. I didn't' think you'd last two weeks. Listen up, sports fans, Bulldog here! I know what you're all thinking: Bulldog's been gone too long. How can you get me back on the air? Okay, listen up. You send your cards and letters of support to Kenny Daly, KACL, PO Box.... Kenny steps in and waves to Frasier and Roz. Bill Gates is with him. Frasier: Bulldog, our special guest has arrived. Bulldog: PO Box 451, Seattle... Frasier: Bulldog! Would you and your noisemaker wait in Roz's booth? Bulldog: This is an air horn, Doc. Frasier: Yes, I was referring to that flapping hole above your chin, now get out! Bulldog leaves and Bill Gates comes in. Frasier: Ladies and gentlemen, let's please welcome Microsoft chairman Bill Gates. Good to see you, sir. Bill sits down in the chair in front of the other mike. Bill: Sorry I was late. Frasier: That's quite all right. Bill: I was just talking to an old friend. Frasier: Yes. Noel passes by the window and flashes Bill the Vulcan "Live Long and Prosper" sign. Bill gives him a thumbs up as Frasier and Roz share a surprised look. Frasier: Well, I've got so many questions to ask you, why don't we just dive right in? I've been wondering, when did you first become a fan of my show? Roz: Excuse me, Warren from Kirkland is on line two. Frasier: Yes, Roz, I won't be taking any calls until after Mr. Gates has left. Roz: Actually, it's for Mr. Gates. Frasier: Well, go ahead, caller, you're on with Mr. Bill Gates. Warren: [v.o.] Yeah, hi, Mr. Gates. I bought your new Windows XP program and I'm about to install it as an upgrade. Do I have to make a boot disk? Bill: That's a very good question, you don't need to make a boot disk. You just put the CD in and it'll upgrade. Frasier: I hope that answers your question, Warren... Bill: It's a feature of XP, very quick, very smooth. Hey, this is fun. Frasier: Thank you for calling, Warren. Now, where were we? Roz: Can Mr. Gates take a few more calls? The board is lighting up! Wow, who knew we had a line seven? Frasier: Roz, I believe Mr. Gates is probably anxious to get on with the interview? Bill: No, no, I'm happy to. Frasier: Very well. Go ahead, caller. Estelle: [v.o.] Wow, Bill Gates, this is so cool! Bill: Thank you. Estelle: Hey, I have a question about multi-lingual user interface add-ons. What are those? Frasier takes off his headphones and goes to Roz's side of the booth. Bill: Well, the multi-lingual add-ons let you run Windows in different languages. You can use it in German or... Frasier: Can you believe that egomaniacal gasbag? He's taking over my show! Roz: Don't you think you're exaggerating just a bit? Bill: Who do we have next, Roz? Roz: We have Bob, from Freemont. He has a question about his laptop. Bill: Go ahead, Bob, I'm listening. The others happily watch as Frasier stands there, fuming. FADE OUT. Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Frasier comes into his bedroom, lays his jacket on the bed and opens his briefcase. He takes out a tape. Frasier: Two thousand shows. He walks to the armoire and opens it, revealing a collection of all his shows. He put the tape in the next open slot and reverently passes a hand across the collection. Niles calls from the living room. Niles: Hurry up, Frasier, we're gonna miss the reservations! Frasier: Yeah, I'll be right there. He goes to his dressing room and puts on a different jacket. Coming back, he closes the armoire and heads for the living room, only to stop short, a disturbed look on his face. He goes back and opens up the armoire, then jerks in shock and gasps. CUT TO: the living room. Niles, Daphne and Martin are waiting for Frasier. Daphne: Two thousand shows. That's quite a milestone. Niles: It certainly is. Can anyone tell me what happened today? I forgot to listen. Martin: I just listened for five minutes in case he asks me what my favorite part was. Daphne: I just say the call from Tacoma. There's bound to be a call from Tacoma. Frasier comes out. Frasier: Excuse me, could I see all of you in my room for just a jiff? They follow him off. Martin: But I'm hungry! CUT TO: Frasier's room as the all come in. Frasier: Okay, are we all here? Good. Martin: What's wrong? Frasier: Something is amiss. He dramatically opens the armoire. Niles: I'll say. I always thought that was a sweater cubby. Frasier: Well it's not. It's a collection of all my shows. I was just examining my collection when I realized that someone had placed one of my tapes upside down. Martin gasps. Martin: What kind of sick, twisted... well, turn it right side up and let's go eat! You probably did it yourself! Frasier: All right, conceivably, but... I guarantee you I would never remove my tape from the case and replace it with "The Best of Hall and Oates." All right, I won't be mad, just tell me: who did this? The others just stand there. Frasier: Nobody did this? Martin: Tell you what, I did it. Now can we go eat? Frasier: Not so fast, Dad. Okay, let's examine the evidence. The others all let out groans. Martin sits down on the bed, Niles takes the desk chair, Daphne wanders back. Frasier: A Hall and Oates tape. That rules you out, Dad. And it definitely rules out Niles. Daphne: [in tears] Dr. Crane... Frasier: Or does it? Perhaps the tape is just a red herring, meant to throw me off the scent. A psychological game. There's only one of you that would combat me on that level. Daphne: I did it. Frasier: Ah-ha! Niles: You can't say "Ah ha", you thought it was me. Frasier: Why'd you do it, Daphne? Daphne: I didn't mean to. I was trying to listen to a tape in that boom box you gave me for Christmas. Only I wasn't getting any sound and I didn't know if it were the tape or the boom box and I didn't have any other tapes so I grabbed one of your tapes just to test the boom box out and it turns out it was the boom box after all. Only then I couldn't get it out of the boom box so I used a screwdriver to pry it out and I broke the tape, I'm so sorry. She sits down on the bed in tears, Niles gets up to comfort her. Niles: There, there, Daphne... Frasier: Stand down, Niles. He sits on the bed next to Daphne. Frasier: Daphne, do you realize what you've done? This isn't like any other tape you can go down to your local music shop and purchase, it's unique. And irreplaceable. Niles: Can't you just get the station to make you a copy? Frasier: Unless I get the station to make me another copy. Which of course I can. The only transgression here is that Daphne didn't come to me with the truth. Daphne: I'm so sorry, Dr. Crane, I will never to you lie again. Frasier: Well, if that's what you've learned, it was all worth it. So, what are we all sitting here for. I believe we all have a two thousandth show to celebrate. Frasier closes the armoire and they all get up and head out the door. Niles: Hear, hear. Frasier: So, did you all listen? Niles: Oh, did we. Martin: Great. Daphne: I especially liked that call from Tacoma. Frasier: Oh, which one? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - KACL Fade in. Frasier and Roz enter a room filled with boxes. Frasier: You know, in nine years this is the first time I've been down to the archives. Roz: Oh, my God, I remember this place. Frasier: Really? Roz: I came down here once after a Christmas party. Frasier: Whatever for? Roz: Well, I had a little too much champagne, and you know how you get a little lonely around the holidays? Bulldog comes from the back and smacks Roz on her backside. Bulldog: Brings back memories, huh, Roz? Frasier: Bulldog! Bulldog: That was some Christmas, huh? When Santa left a bit of Bulldog in your stockings? Roz: You're disgusting! Bulldog: What, I went too far? Why don't you come back here, I'll slip you an apology. Roz slaps him. Bulldog: Bulldog's still got it! Frasier: Bulldog, what the hell are you doing here? Bulldog: Oh, this is my new job. I, uh, catalogue the archive. You know, I clean up a bit. But I figure I'll be back on the air in no time, as long as I attack this job with my trademark "Can Do" attitude. Frasier: Great, then. We're looking for a copy of my show, episode 893. Bulldog: No can do. Frasier: What? Bulldog: What? I've only been here an hour, I don't even know where the john is. Where's my Powerbar? I had a Powerbar here. SOMEONE STOLE MY POWERBAR! THIS STINKS! THIS IS TOTAL B.S.! THIS IS... oh, here it is. He grabs it and goes out the back door. Roz: Frasier, here's a box marked "Best of Crane". Frasier: Oh, thanks Roz, let's have a look. Ah, good. He opens the box and finds it almost empty. Frasier: There's just a few tapes in here. All right, keep looking. Kenny comes in. Kenny: Oh, hey, Doc. Frasier: Kenny, just the man I was looking for. Listen, where are all the tapes of my shows kept? Kenny lifts the lid of the box. Kenny: You got 'em. Right there. Roz: Well, where are the rest of them? Frasier: Yes! Kenny: There are no rest. We record over them. I mean, look around, Doc, we've got a space problem down here. Bulldog comes in the back door. Bulldog: Hey, Kenny, where do you want me to put these snow tires? Kenny: Oh, put 'em right to my kids' bikes. He happily heads out the door. FADE OUT. IT'S A FANCY WAY TO SAY "FAVOR" Scene 4 - KACL Fade in. Frasier is on the air. Frasier: Good afternoon, Seattle. Before we go to the phones, I have a boon to ask of you. If any of you happens to have in your possession a tape of my broadcast from June 14, 1996, I am in need of a copy. You see, I understand that from time to time, people who call into my show record it, perhaps in order to review my advice or even to play it for some friends. Now, I realize this is a bit of a long shot, but it is the only missing tape of my collection and therefore of course has great sentimental value. Thanks for your consideration. Now, Roz, who's our first caller? Roz: We have Joe from Bachon Island on line one. Frasier: Go ahead Joe, I'm listening. Joe: [v.o.] About that missing tape... Frasier: Yes, yes? Joe: I know what you're going through. A couple years ago, I was in a taxi cab and lost a gold cuff link. Frasier: Yes, and this relates to my missing tape how? Joe: Well, it's missing and I'm bummed. It had the initials "J.S." on it. If anyone finds it, I'd love to have it back. Frasier: Yes, I'm sure you would, but unless it's about my missing tape, well then I would prefer to stick to calls about mental and emotional issues as usual. Thank you for your call. Who's our next caller, Roz? Roz: We have Phyllis from Green Lake. Frasier: Phyllis, go ahead, I'm listening. Phyllis: [v.o.] My cat ran away last Wednesday. She's orange with a white chest and one white paw... Frasier: Phyllis, all right. Hold on, hold on a minute! All right now, listen to me people. I don't want to turn this show into the lost and found bin of the airwaves. Phyllis, I'm going to let you finish your description of your cat and then we're going back to our regular show, all right? Phyllis: Okay. She has green eyes, a rhinestone collar, and when she's happy... The scene DISSOLVES to later. Frasier: Let's recap: in the last three hours, we have located a missing engagement ring, one lost cuff link, two missing cats, and we've actually reunited Eric from Belltown with his biological parents. Still, sadly, no sign of my missing tape. To that end, listeners, please scour you attics, basements, hope chests, whatever. Meantime, this is Doctor Frasier Crane wishing you good day and good mental health. And don't forget to look behind things. He takes off his headset as Roz comes over from her side. Roz: I'm sorry, Frasier. Frasier: Oh, that's all right, Roz. It'll turn up, I mean it's only the first day. Word'll get around, I'm sure somebody has that tape. Roz: I just don't want you to get your hopes up too high. Chances are, that tape is gone for good. Frasier: Well, if that's the case, then so be it. Life will go on. He heads out the door. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 5 - Frasier's bedroom. Frasier is trying to sleep, tossing and turning, but still staring at the empty spot in his collection. [SCENE_BREAK] End of Act 1 Act 2 THE LOST WEEKEND Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Frasier comes into the living room in his bathrobe. Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane. How was your nap? Frasier: Lovely. Daphne, could you make me a cup of tea, please, and whatever meal would be appropriate for this time of day? He plops down on the couch. Eddie puts his head in his lap while Daphne sits on the arm of the couch to comfort him. Daphne: Dr. Crane, you've been in bed all weekend. How about going for a nice walk? Frasier: No, thanks. Daphne: Well, how about going to a movie then? Take your mind off your troubles. Frasier: My car's in the shop. Daphne: You could take public transportation. Frasier lets out a little laugh, then quiets down again. The doorbell rings. Daphne: Oh, I wonder who this could be? [She opens the door.] Oh, look, it's your brother Niles, here for a visit. Niles: [entering, he speaks very slowly and clearly] Hello, Frasier, how are we today? Frasier: What the hell is wrong with the two of you? You'd think I'd been found walking in the park in my underwear, talking to pigeons. Daphne: Would we like a walk in the park? Frasier gets up and heads for his room. Niles follows. They meet Martin coming into the living room. Niles: All right, Frasier, Frasier wait... Martin: Hey, lookin' good, buddy. Frasier just keeps walking. Martin: Not any better, huh? Daphne: No, and I feel just awful. This is all my fault. Martin: Oh, come on. Daphne: I'm the one who ruined his treasured collection. Martin: Oh, all his crap is treasured. But look, don't feel bad. I've broken lots of his stuff. Daphne: I've never heard of you breaking anything. Martin: That's because I know how to cover my tracks. Take a look at that fertility god statue over there. It used to be a lot more fertile, if you know what I mean. Daphne goes over and looks closely. Daphne: Oh my God! This is a Tootsie Roll! That's brilliant! Martin: Aw, that's nothin'. Here, check out this vase. [he pulls down a piece of pottery] Two years ago Eddie and me were horsin' around and I knocked it over, it took me hours to glue it back together again. Daphne: Why, you can't even tell. I had no idea you were so devious. Martin: Come on, I'll show you how to make ginger ale look like fifty year-old brandy. CUT TO: Frasier's bedroom. Frasier is back in bed, Niles is sitting on a chair next to him. Frasier: Listen, Niles, I appreciate your concern, I really do, but frankly I am in no mood to endure therapy with my younger brother, no matter how well-intentioned. Niles: I am not trying to butt in, I'm just curious as to why this tape matters so much to you. Do you ever listen to these? Frasier: Once. When I had a date over. Proved a useful mood setter. Niles: Okay... Well, tell me this, then: do you ever intend to listen to any of the others? Frasier: Don't know. Niles: So, why is it so important to you to have each and every one of them? Frasier: Because it's a collection, Niles. That's what a collection is. Niles: Is it possible that a harmless collection has become an unhealthy obsession? Frasier: It's, it's just a hobby. All right? Niles: Or an obsession. Frasier: An eccentricity. Niles: Or an obsession. Frasier: You know, it's a quirk. That's it, I'm quirky. I'm delightfully quirky. Niles: Do you realize that your delightful quirk has brought your life to a standstill? Frasier: Niles, I've just finished my two thousandth show. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. I believe that I am entitled to an entire weekend of doing nothing, don't you? He rolls over. Niles: Do you know you have your pajamas on backwards? Frasier: Another delightful quirk of mine. Niles: Not from where I'm sitting. Martin comes in, holding a piece of paper. Martin: Hey, Fras! The station called, some guy has your tape. Frasier: Oh, uh, well, thanks, Dad. Yes, well, I'll tend to this by and by... He sets the paper down. Niles grabs it. Niles: All right, I'll get the car. Frasier: I'll put on some pants. Niles: Zipper goes in front. He leaves, Frasier glaring after him. FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Tom's Apartment Fade in. Tom is bringing a plate of snacks out of the kitchen when there is a knock at the door. He answers it to find Frasier. Frasier: Hello. Tom: Hello, yes, Dr. Crane. Please come in. Please make yourself at home. Frasier: You must be Tom. Tom: And you must be the greatest radio talk show host ever! Frasier: You can call me Frasier. Niles: I think I'll wait outside. Tom: I didn't know you were bringing someone. Frasier: Oh, Tom, this is my brother Niles. Tom: Oh. Niles: Hello, Tom. Tom: Hi, yes. Uh, didn't you fill in on Frasier's show a couple of times? Niles: Well, yes actually I did. Tom: Yeah, yeah, you were all right. Niles: You flatter me. Tom: So, what's it like? Niles: Excuse me? Tom: Being Frasier Crane's brother? Being able to talk to him whenever you want, having access to that great brain twenty- four hours a day? Niles: You know, I think I left my lights on. Tom: No, no please, don't leave yet. Please, if you don't mind, I was hoping you'd take a picture of Frasier and I. Frasier: Well, of course he doesn't mind. Actually, I've even brought along an eight by ten photo, personalized, of course. Tom: Oh, my, that's really, I don't know... Frasier: Yes, I thought you might like that. Tom: I'll have to do some rearranging, but don't worry, I'll find some room for it somewhere. He opens the curtains on the back wall to reveal a wall full of signs, posters and photos of Frasier. He pins the new one in place. Niles: I, uh, thought that was a window. Tom: Yeah, well it was. Okay, I'm gonna go get the camera. He heads off. Niles: Frasier, this man is deeply disturbed. Frasier: Why? Because he has a few pictures of me on his wall? The phone rings. Niles: This man is obviously obsessed with you. Frasier: What is it with you? I'm obsessed, he's obsessed. I think you're the one who's obsessed with being obsessed. Niles: All right, I apologize. He's delightfully quirky. The answering machine picks up the phone. The outgoing message is Frasier's voice, recorded from the show. Machine: Go ahead caller, I'm listening. Caller: This is your mother, call me - and change that stupid message already! Tom comes back in the room with an instant camera. Tom: Aw, mom, get a life, why don't you? Here we go. [he sits on the couch, his arm around Frasier] Now I want to record this historic moment, because I don't want to wake up tomorrow and find out this was all part of a dream. Because I've had this dream before. Many times. Sometimes we're in London, sometimes we're in Paris, sometimes we're riding mules down the Grand Canyon. Frasier has begun to look nervous at this, but Niles takes the picture. Tom: Oh my God! This is gonna be the jewel of my collection. I'm gonna get a special frame for it and I'm gonna look at it while I'm listening to the show and I... Oh, wait a minute. Uh listen, uh Frasier's brother, your thumb was in front of the lens. If you don't mind, just one more. And you know what, bring that chair closer come over here for a second, sit there, this is gonna be great. [He urges Frasier over to the chair.] Sit there, just like that, and this time, why don't you act like you're giving me advice. Frasier: Right, all right. Tom, I was just wondering, have you ever called into the show? Tom: Me? Why would I call the show? Niles takes the picture again. Tom: Ooh! Did your head just touch that? Frasier: Yes, I'm sorry. Tom: Don't be. Tom grabs a plastic container and takes the doily from the back of the chair. Frasier: Oh, so, Tom. I take it you've been listening to the show for some time. Tom sits down and puts the doily in a plastic bag and then into the container. Tom: Are you kidding? From day one. I got so hooked that eventually I started taping them so that I didn't miss anything. I even was skipping out of work early so I could make sure to be home on time. Niles: So, Tom, in a way you could say your obsession with your collection was bringing your life to a standstill. Tom: Yes, yes exactly. Until I realized how ridiculous I was being. I mean, missing work to tape the show? Frasier: Good for you, Tom. So you could say that it's possible to have a passion for collecting without losing sight of your priorities. Tom: Yes, exactly. And that's why I quit my job. Oh, this turned out really nice. And you know, eventually, the money ran out so I got a gig as a night doorman. And that way, I could - oh [he takes the camera back from Niles] - I could, uh, you know listen to the show a second time on my Walkman and then I could do my transcriptions at work. Frasier: You transcribe the show? Tom: Well, you gotta have a backup. Frasier: Listen, Tom, you know I must confess I'm a bit concerned. I'm delighted to have you as a fan, I really am. But the whole purpose of my show is to help people live better lives, and I'm afraid that I've hurt yours. I just... there should be more to life than... there should be more. Tom: Yes, but as you always say: Life is most fulfilling when spent in the pursuit of one's passions. Frasier: Yes, but as I've also said: Weave the tapestry of your life with many diverse threads. Tom: Ah, yes, but you added: Make sure to weave the pattern that pleases you most. Niles: "Weave the tapestry with diverse threads"? Tom: Yes, Frasier said all of these things, and many others. He is a genius. Would you like some guacamole? They all sit. Frasier: Yes, thanks Tom. Look, I don't really want to talk you into anything, it seems I've done enough of that already. [Tom hands him a chip with sauce on it.] Thank you. Tom, what I'm getting at here is that I think there could be more to your life than just my tapes and pictures. Now, if you'd be interested in exploring those issues further, I can recommend someone who'd be glad to talk with you. Behind Tom, Niles shakes his head and mouths "Not me." Tom: Why? I have you. Frasier: Thank you. Well, you know, I think it's time we got going. They all get up and Niles and Frasier head out the door. Tom: Oh no, so soon? Well I suppose someone like you has a lot of things they gotta do. I'm glad you could come at all. Please, stop by any time you want. Frasier: Thank you, Tom, it was a pleasure. Tom: Oh, don't forget your tape. Frasier: You know, Tom, I'd like you to keep that. Tom: But, this is the reason you came. Frasier: If I ever need it, I'll know where to find it. He leaves. Niles pauses in the doorway. Niles: Um, you know those shows where I sat in for Frasier? You wouldn't happen to have those tapes, would you? Tom: Sorry, I don't collect just anything. Niles, disappointed, leaves. FADE OUT. Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Daphne is on the couch, Martin is in his chair. Frasier and Niles come in the front. Martin: Hey, there he is. Did you get your tape back? Frasier: Actually, no I didn't. Daphne: What happened? Frasier: Daphne, tonight I saw an example of how an obsession can take over a man's life. I don't want to be that man. Therefore I chose to leave it and render my collection imperfect. But that's all right, you see, I don't need things to be perfect. He starts walking across the living room, then notices something. Frasier: Hello? Something's amiss. He picks up the pottery Martin showed Daphne and gasps. Frasier: My double-handled amphora! All right, no one leaves! He turns around to an empty living room. FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier is finishing his reworking the amphora. He gets up to replace it on the shelf as Martin comes in. As Frasier puts the vase down, he notices the fertility idol and takes a closer look. Spotting this, Martin quickly turns around and heads back to his room.
doc_221	[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - HALLWAY - DAY] (The resident manager enters the darkened hallway of the apartment complex with two prospective renters, STEVE and NANCY.) Stu Evans: You'll like this apartment. My wife says it's the best of the lot. Now, the tenants moved out kind of quick so I don't normally show apartments before I've had a chance to look, so ... use your imagination. (He unlocks the door to apartment #103 and pushes it open for STEVE and NANCY to look at. They both step inside ... aghast at what they see. There's blood on the walls and on the floor.) Nancy: (to STEVE) Oh, my god. Call 911. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT #103 - DAY] (Camera close up of BRASS.) Brass: I worked in a slaughterhouse one summer. Looked a lot like this. (GRISSOM is also standing in the middle of the room. He's not looking at the walls, he's busy testing the blood.) Brass: (V.O.) The lease is in the name of Clifford Renteria. He lived here with his girlfriend till they snuck out in the middle of the night. Gee, I wonder why. Grissom: For all we know, this is animal blood. Brass: Yeah, sure. Deer, sheep, llama. Grissom: A deer hunter comes home from the mountains drunk decides to play butcher clean his kill. Chops his game up into oven-sized pieces for the winter. I mean, what does he care? He's renting. (GRISSOM drops a small sample of the mixture into the hand-held test and waits for the results. BRASS uses his flashlight and shines it on the test. Results of the test indicate that the victim was definitely "human".) Brass: Victim's human. Grissom: And a human has only eight pints of blood. So, whoever the victim is ... is now dead. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER. ROLL TITLE CREDITS. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT -- DAY] (GRISSOM is looking through a small instrument used to measure the blood spatter.) (QUICK CGI through the end of the instrument, up to GRISSOM'S eye, fade back down to the end of the magnifying lens to measure the blood spatter where 1 DIV = 1 MM. 20X. Flash to white. Resume on GRISSOM looking at the blood on the wall.) Sara: (o.s.) Any uniformity in the spray? Grissom: Well, by and large, the average diameter is about one millimeter. Sara: Blood drops this size are characteristic of high-velocity impact like gunshot trauma but there's no bullet strikes on the walls ... ruling out murder by gun. Grissom: Just acquaint yourself, Sara. Don't interpret just yet, okay? (SARA continues to look around the room. WARRICK is busy spraying luminol on the entire floor. When he's finished, he puts the spray canister down.) Warrick: All right. Show time. (GRISSOM closes the shades disturbing a single fly which buzzes off. SARA, WARRICK and GRISSOM wait while the luminol begins to glow.) Sara: This looks like a multiple. More than one vic. Acquainting myself. Warrick: Check out these "voids." That's the real evidence. (From the top view of the room, the entire floor glows except for certain "voids".) Grissom: Couch? We've only got 30 seconds till this luminol disappears. (SARA starts taking pictures of the "voids" and anything else pertinent. GRISSOM kneels to get a better look at the "voids" where he's standing.) Grissom: Television, maybe? A magazine? Sara: Triangle ... coat rack? Warrick: Guys ... (Right where WARRICK is standing is an irregular shaped "void".) Grissom: What do you think that is? Warrick: Looks like it could be an electric saw. Grissom: High-velocity, small spray. (Close up on the "void" of the electric saw as it disappears ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MOJAVE DESERT NEAR LAKE MEAD -- DAY] (On the other side of the power lines, the hills are on fire. A helicopter flying by drops water on the flames. The camera travels low along the ground and moves upward as the helicopter with red bucket passes by.) (In the background we hear radio static and various radio dispatch transmissions.) Radio Dispatcher: 76 ROMEO, approaching ETS 4-NINER-SIX. Pine Ridge Command: 76 ROMEO, you're right on it. 76 ROMEO: Pine ridge command, go to white fire three. Dozer tender 1441. Air attack 140. O.V. Tens on order. Report to willow springs. [SCENE_BREAK] (NICK and CATHERINE carrying their CSI kits, pass by a group of fire fighters to get to the crime scene.) Nick: Zero humidity, record highs. 'Tis the season. (They both meet up with DET. O'RILEY.) Catherine: Hi. Det. O'Riley: Hey. I don't even know where to start with this one. Take a look at that. A scuba diver ... up a tree. (True to form, there's a dead person in scuba gear stuck up in a tree. The CSIs, DET. O'RILEY and DAVID PHILLIPS all look up at the figure in astonishment.) Nick: Wow. Catherine: How the hell he'd got up there? (CATHERINE is holding yellow evidence markers in her hand and is looking on the ground for anything unusual.) Nick: He couldn't have climbed up there with all that crap on. Det. O'Riley: He got up there somehow. Nick: Well, you know ... Lake Mead is just over the hill and the copters are dropping water. (CATHERINE looks up at the helicopter and bucket whirring by. She turns to NICK.) Catherine: You're serious? (NICK smiles.) Catherine: That's a total urban legend. We're scientists, Nickie. No way that happened. Nick: (looking up) Okay. (Cut to CGI POV of a scuba diver in Lake Mead and a large red bucket being dropped into the lake. End of CGI POV. Resume on CATHERINE.) Catherine: And I suppose you believe in Santa? Nick: After today ... oh, yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - HALLWAY JUST OUTSIDE APT #103 - DAY] Brass: When I said Cliff Renteria and his girlfriend skipped out in the middle of the night, I didn't have the whole story. Stu Evans: I haven't seen Alison in over a month. Brass: Any idea where she might be? Stu Evans: Renteria said she left town. Brass: So you noticed that she was gone? Stu Evans: I manage the complex. I notice everything. Grissom: Did you notice if Mr. Renteria left a forwarding address? Stu Evans: No. He just wrote the letter saying he was moving on. Listen, if you find him, you tell him he is not getting his deposit back, okay? The blood'll never come out. Grissom: Hopefully not. That's all the evidence we have. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MOJAVE DESERT NEAR LAKE MEAD -- DAY] (CATHERINE searches the grounds for evidence. A helicopter whirs (o.s.) overhead. CATHERINE finds something and puts evidence marker #1 next to the scuba diver's pressure gauge. The needle is frozen stuck. She takes pictures of the pressure gauge.) (Cut to NICK as he crouches low to the ground. CATHERINE approaches.) Nick: What do you make of that void? Green vegetation. Catherine: There's a consistent burn over this whole area. Nick: Except for that one spot. Catherine: Well, the chief said that the original fire was a class "C." Downed power line. Winds keep shifting hot spots breaking out all over. (NICK looks around and notices a burned cigarette butt and matchbook.) Nick: Well, well ... downed power line, huh? (He motions to CATHERINE. She looks at it.) Catherine: Good eye. (CATHERINE puts down evidence marker #3 next to the matchbook and snaps a photograph of it. NICK picks the matchbook up.) Nick: Matchbook time-delay device. Catherine: Don't touch it. It'll disintegrate. Nick: That's the only reason I carry this stuff. (NICK pulls out an aerosol can.) Catherine: Hair spray. Extra hold? (CGI POV Close up of Hair spray adhering to the burnt matchbook sticks, coating them.) Nick: The difference between walking and running. Guy lights a cigarette, sticks it in a matchbook takes a stroll. (CGI POV of a newly lit cigarette being wedged under the matchbook sticks. Flash to white. Close up of the matchbook and cigarette on the ground. Flash to white. Close up of fire consuming both the matchbook and the cigarette. Flash to white. Resume on NICK and CATHERINE.) Catherine: It buys an arsonist a five-minute head start. Nick: Mm-hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MONACO RECEIVING -- DAY] (BRASS exits his car (Nevada license #IEP-353). He and GRISSOM approach CLIFFORD RENTERIA.) Brass: Monaco Receiving. Clifford Renteria, platform manager. Grissom: Gee, Brass, all in one shift. I'm impressed. Brass: Are you Clifford Renteria? Clifford Renteria: Cliff. Who are you? Brass: Las Vegas police. With the crime lab. Do you have any knowledge of the whereabouts of Alison Scott? Clifford Renteria: She's in Canada visiting her parents. Why? Grissom: We just came from your old apartment. We found some disturbing evidence there. Would you care to explain that? Clifford Renteria: Hey, he had it coming. I'll tell you that right now. Apartment stank, there were flies everywhere, no water. So I trashed the place. Brass: Who had it coming? Clifford Renteria: The apartment manager. The lazy bstrd. Serves him right. Grissom: Mr. Renteria, your apartment walls are covered in human blood. Are you aware of that? Clifford Renteria: Yeah. Grissom: Do you have an explanation? Clifford Renteria: It's my blood. Grissom: Your blood? Brass: You got a stigmata? Clifford Renteria: No. I get nosebleeds. Brass: Nosebleeds? Clifford Renteria: From Hepatitis C. I got blood to spare. My nose is like old faithful. Finally came in handy. Grissom: You expirated blood from your nose all over your apartment walls to get back at your manager? Clifford Renteria: Yeah. I hope I made his clean-up job hell. (A noise from behind him distracts CLIFF RENTERIA. He turns around and sees a worker.) Clifford Renteria: (to worker) That's not supposed to go anywhere. Brass: This guy blows ten quarts of blood from his nose onto his wall? You want to ask for a demonstration? Grissom: He's lying. Expirating from your nose would leave oval-shaped blood patterns. The ones we found in his apartment were V-shaped. Brass: Mr. Renteria. We're going to need a sample of your blood -- from your arm, not your nose -- and a visit to your new apartment. (CLIFFORD RENTERIA motions to the large truck #84438 behind them.) Clifford Renteria: That's home to me now. Been staying there about a week. Grissom: Well, may we see your furniture? Clifford Renteria: Sure. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRAILER] (From inside the truck, the back opens and we see all CLIFFORD RENTERIA'S worldly possessions crammed in the back of the trailer-truck.) (Camera cut to looking into the truck from the outside. We immediately see an electric saw in front of a large monitor-sized box with the label DM(TM) 604 S2.) Grissom: Electric saw. Clifford Renteria: Used to do some landscaping. Grissom: Interesting lamp. Grissom: Mr. Renteria, with your permission, I'd like to move some of your property to my lab for a closer inspection. Clifford Renteria: Hey, save me $250 a week truck rental. Keep it as long as you want. I'll sleep in the break room. Brass: That's after you come down and give us that blood sample. (The truck door closes to black.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Four people carrying various things walk by the glass lab wall. WARRICK walks into the lab carrying a large white box with the words "PROPERTY OF FIREARMS" written in black on the side. WARRICK is wearing a white jumper suit. SARA is also wearing the same type of white jumper suit.) Warrick: You check nosebleed's tools yet? Sara: No observable blood. Not even with pheno. Warrick: That's because he probably ditched them after using them on the victim. Now we've just got to figure out which one. (WARRICK puts the box down. It's filled with various types of electric saws.) Sara: How long did Firearms give us these for? Warrick: Twenty-four hours, then we've got to get them back. Clean. Sara: Let's do it. [SCENE_BREAK] (WARRICK zips up his white jumper, secures his gloves, turns the radio up.) (Cut to SARA zips up her white jumper. WARRICK puts on his head gear with goggles.) (Cut to SARA with her head goggles on mixes the paint they're going to use.) (Cut to WARRICK pouring the paint in a large plastic container that they'll be dipping the saws in.) (Cut to SARA dipping in a saw with a small round blade into red paint. Behind her, WARRICK is holding a different kind of saw.) (Cut to SARA holding the saw with paint against a clear pexi-glass board backing. She turns the saw on and lets the paint spatter onto the backing.) (Cut to Close up of a saw blade being dipped in paint.) (Cut to WARRICK holding the electric saw against a clear pexi-glass board backing. He turns the saw on and it spatters paint onto the backing.) (WARRICK and SARA repeat this test using the different saws in the box.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GREG'S LAB] (Close up on GREG.) Grissom: (o.s.) So? (GREG looks up and sees GRISSOM standing there. He didn't hear him enter.) Greg: DNA results, um ... sixteen samples from the apartment walls and the one we just took from the guy's arm. (GREG puts aside what he's working on, finds the file and hands it to GRISSOM. GRISSOM opens the file to review the findings.) Grissom: This cannot be right. Greg: Hey, I always double-check your stuff. But all the results are pointing one way. Grissom: What about the blood on the lamp? Greg: That is my next run. Just a little backlogged. Grissom: Well, get through it. (GRISSOM leaves. GREG sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY] (GRISSOM and BRASS walk through the hallway. GRISSOM is holding the file folder.) Brass: I thought you said the blood on those walls couldn't be his. Grissom: I also thought the metric system would catch on. Look, everything that starts with a faulty premise is bound to fail. I saw "V" patterns and I foolishly ruled out the nose. Clifford Renteria: I told you I had a condition, Hepatitis C. I was diagnosed when I was 18. Brass: And this relates to your magic nose, how? Grissom: Hepatitis C destroys the liver and a whole host of clotting functions. Cliff, indeed, has blood to spare. Clifford Renteria: Thanks for coming around to my side. Which way is out? Brass: Nobody released you. SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- INTERROGATION ROOM] Grissom: Mr. Renteria, I can't sign off on a case until I fully understand it. So, let me get this straight. You had a beef with your landlord and you decided to pay him back by blowing blood out of your nose all over the apartment walls. Is that about right? Cliff Renteria: Yeah. Grissom: A day? A week? A couple of months? How long did this take? Cliff Renteria: I don't know. About a month. Grissom: So, you get up in the morning, make coffee and go "I think I'll blow some blood on the kitchen wall today." Get out of the shower grab your towel, go "Hey, this looks like a nice spot to expirate a couple of pints." Cliff Renteria: It wasn't like that. Something would set me off. The disposal was backed up, no hot water, the toilet was broken ... I knew the landlord wasn't going to fix it. Grissom: So, you made your statement through your nose? Clifford Renteria: I wasn't getting anywhere with words. Look, if it'll get me out of here any quicker, I'll show you. (BRASS and GRISSOM sit back in their seats. CLIFF RENTERIA stands up and looks around for the necessary materials. He picks up a sheet of newspaper and hangs it up on the blackboard behind him.) Clifford Renteria: Um ... it's really not that big a deal. (GRISSOM stands up and moves closer to where CLIFF is. CLIFF turns around.) Clifford Renteria: You might want to back up. (GRISSOM takes a small step backward and CLIFF takes a deep breath, holds a hand up to his nose and ... ) (OFF BRASS as we hear a loud spraying sound. BRASS has his head turned away and eyes sideways toward the test.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (Camera on the newspaper with CLIFF RENTERIA'S latest artwork hanging clipped to a board. The camera moves to show us that next to the newspaper sample, is a photograph of a blood spatter from the apartment wall with ruler measurement. Next to that is a photograph of one of the electric saw glass spatters. Next to that is a photograph of a plastic trash can with spatters on that.) Sara: (o.s.) Same high-velocity spray. Warrick: Same short "v" pattern, too. Sara: Didn't you say expirating through the nose made oval patterns? Grissom: Yeah, well ... as it turns out our guy stands very close to the wall and blows almost sideways. Warrick: This is on the real. You actually saw him do this? Grissom: Right through his Jimmy Durante. Ambidextrous, both nostrils. Sara: Great. Our big murderer's a nosebleed. (GREG enters holding a paper with test results. He hands it to GRISSOM.) Greg: Oh, not necessarily. Sample from the nosebleed's lamp. It's not his blood. And I don't know whose blood it is but the amelogenin came back with something pretty interesting: "XX." Warrick: Female blood. Greg: Mm-hmm. Sara: Our guy's girlfriend is still missing. Grissom: Two things which may have nothing to do with each other. Sara: Or everything. (Camera holds on GRISSOM'S look.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY ROOM] Catherine: So you got an ID on the scuba guy? Robbins: Jacques Cousteau. Kidding. Coroner's humor. But I'll tell you what I do know. He didn't die in that fire. No carboxyhemoglobin in his blood. Catherine: Means he didn't inhale any carbon monoxide. Robbins: Tells us he stopped breathing before the fire started. Guy was probably killed someplace else and dumped. Nick: Oh, he was dumped all right ... out of a chopper. Right, doctor? Robbins: Victim's injuries are inconsistent with a fall of that magnitude. No fracture of the pelvis no compression of the lumbar vertebrae no shortening of the body. Catherine: There goes your theory, Nick. Good try, though. So what was the cause of death? Robbins: His heart stopped beating. Nick: Heart attack ... consistent with being scooped out of Lake Mead. Robbins: The human heart beats in a four-beat rhythm like a fox-trot. The two atria contract, then the two ventricles. Ba-boom, ba-boom. Nick: So, what happened to this guy? Robbins: Commotio cordis. Cardiac concussion. The guy short-circuited. It's rare, but I've seen it. Couple of years ago a minor leaguer took a line drive to the chest. (CGI POV of a baseball hitting the center of a "Blaster's" jersey. Camera moves forward through the jersey and into the heart where it starts to beat irregularly. Flash to white. Resume to present.) Robbins: Interrupted the impulse to the heart turning it into a bag of worms. Fibrillation. Catherine: So, our scuba diver took one to the chest. Robbins: Definitely. Nick: He could've been clipped by the chopper's Bambi Bucket. Did you find anything between his toes? Like sand from ... Robbins: ... Lake Mead. Sorry, Nick. But I did find something between him and his wetsuit. Soap residue. Like he started to shower. Soaped up never soaped off. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (Close up of NICK taking a swab of the soap residue from the dive suit. He looks at the tip of the swab. Close up of swab with the residue on it. NICK notices as GREG stands in the doorway.) Nick: Something on your mind, Greg? Greg: No. I heard about your case. Sounds interesting. Nick: Yeah. You want to make yourself useful, drop this off at trace. (NICK hands the container with swab within to GREG. GREG looks at the suit.) Nick: Must be some kind of soap. Robbins got me halfway there. Greg: Bet it's liquid dishwashing soap. (GREG turns to leave and is nearly to the door with NICK stops him.) Nick: Yeah? State your source. Greg: Well, you know I used to do a little diving myself actually. Belize, Maui, Great Barrier Reef ... Okay, maybe I took that one a little too far. But the point is, that these rubber suits aren't very easy to put on. Neoprene and skin need a little romance to get together. And a capful of liquid soap works like a charm. Greg: So, you check this safety valve? Nick: Sealed closed. Greg: And what about the pressure gauge? Nick: Hose melted. Catherine found it at the base of the tree. Greg: It's 3,000 psi; that tank was full. Nick: Guess it's like anything pressurized. These things blow for one of two reasons: Too much air or too much heat. (NICK stops as it hits him. He looks at GREG. GREG looks back at NICK.) Nick: You just made yourself useful, my friend. Greg: (smiles) Yeah? Nick: Oh, yeah. Greg: How? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT -- HALLWAY] (GRISSOM and SARA return to the apartment complex. They're both carrying their CSI kits.) Sara: What are we looking for exactly? Grissom: Same thing we're always looking for evidence of a crime. Failing that, we'll have to release this apartment. Sara: What about Nosebleed's missing girlfriend? You heard Brass. [INT. APARTMENT #103] Sara: He got a-hold of Alison Scott's parents in Canada. They said she never arrived. They had no idea she was even going to see them. (They enter the apartment and put their kits down.) Sara: What if nose man blew blood all over these walls to cover up Alison Scott's blood? (GRISSOM considers the thought. He gets up and goes to the nearest wall. He scrapes the blood of a random sample.) Grissom: I don't see any evidence of that. Sara: You're not finding another layer of blood under there? Grissom: No. Sara: You don't think maybe he off'ed his girlfriend? (A fly buzzes by distracting GRISSOM. He looks up.) Grissom: How many flies do you count in this room? (They both focus their attention on the flies.) Sara: Fifteen ... give or take. Grissom: I counted four on my first walk-through. (GRISSOM notices the mess on the fridge. SARA notices the mess high on the walls.) Sara: Fly spots. Regurgitations. (GRISSOM pulls a chair out, stands on it and tests the fly spots. They come off on his finger.) Grissom: Fresh. Problem is flies don't feast on dry blood. Sara: Place is sealed, and they don't spontaneously generate. Grissom: So they're feeding on fresh blood. Could be a rodent, though, or bad garbage. Sara: Or it could be something higher up the food chain like Alison Scott. (Both SARA and GRISSOM start looking for a source.) Grissom: The preponderance of flies is in this room. Sara: They can egress a space less than .001 centimeters. (Standing back to back, they search the room for the most flies. SARA looks up and finds it.) Sara: Behind you. Vent. (Way up high near the ceiling, flies swam the vent grill. Camera holds on SARA and GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM] (CATHERINE enters the break room. She finds GREG there pouring himself a cup of coffee.) Catherine: Hey, coffee boy. Where's my DNA? Cigarette butt? Match book time-delay device? Hair spray? Any of this sound familiar? Greg: Bags under the eyes, coffee cups, stress face. Any of this look familiar? I'm working on it. Catherine: Did Grissom put his stuff in front of mine? Greg: No. I'm working on your case -- with Nick. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE exits the break room and walks down the hallway looking for NICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- CONTINUOUS] (Close up of NICK working on the oxygen tank. CATHERINE enters.) Catherine: I just talked with your partner. Working this case without me, huh? Nick: Hmm? Catherine: Greg Sanders? Nick: Let go my Greg-o. He's a CSI wannabe. Please. Check out the bottom of this tank. (NICK points to the tank.) Catherine: Fissure. Nick: We had a little explosion here. (NICK reaches to uncap the dropper from a bottle of acid nearby.) Catherine: That explains a lot. Acid etching. Not bad. Nick: Figure if I can get the serial number off the tank get on the horn with some surf shops track the renter through a credit card. Catherine: Pretty smart thinking there, partner. Nick: Well, we still haven't ID'd the vic, but ... it's worth a shot. Catherine: Okay, N-4-double oh-2, let's see what kind of lead you are. (Off the sound of a doorbell dinging, we ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JERRY WALDEN'S APT HALLWAY] (The door opens and its CATHERINE and DET. O'RILEY.) Jerry Walden: Hi. Uh, whatever you're selling, I have no interest, okay. (JERRY WALDEN tries to close the door. DET. O'RILEY puts out an arm to stop him.) Det. O'Riley: Maybe you should find out what we're selling first. Catherine: I'm Catherine Willows, Las Vegas Crime Lab. Detective O'Riley. Is there a Jerry Walden lives here? Jerry Walden: You're looking at him. (CATHERINE looks at DET. O'RILEY.) Jerry Walden: What? Catherine: Are you missing a scuba tank? (The door closes and JERRY WALDEN unchains the door. The door reopens.) Jerry Walden: Come in. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JERRY WALDEN'S APARTMENT] Catherine: So, let me get this straight, Mr. Walden. You lent Bruce Skeller a spare tank. (He sighs.) Jerry Walden: Yeah. I just, I can't believe what you're telling me here. I mean, Bruce was an experienced diver. Catherine: Well, he didn't exactly dive in the water. Jerry Walden: Bruce and I were about to break ground on this project. Really meant a lot to him. Det. O'Riley: You guys were in business together? Jerry Walden: We've been best friends since we were kids. We used to build these forts together like our imaginary casino, you know? Now we were going to build the real thing. We partnered up with this big development company Adventures. I mean, we were ready to roll ... Catherine: Excuse me. You said that Mr. Skeller was an experienced diver. Why would he be borrowing a tank? Jerry Walden: Well, just because somebody's experienced doesn't make them any less of a freeloader. He was just down on his luck. But, as I say, we were like brothers. I mean, we shared everything. What was mine was his, what was his was mine. Det. O'Riley: But you just said he didn't have anything. Jerry Walden: Yeah, but he would've, you know. And I kept telling him that. I mean, that's what kept him going. And then this happened. (CATHERINE looks down on the hardwood floors and notices markings of something that's no longer there.) Catherine: There used to be something here. Jerry Walden: Oh, yeah, it's my coffee table. Catherine: Interesting furniture. What is that, ash wood? Jerry Walden: Yeah. Catherine: Is that what the coffee table was made out of? Jerry Walden: Made them out of the same piece of wood. Catherine: Where is the coffee table? Jerry Walden: Oh, I sent it out to get it refinished. The guy said it would be back in a week. (CATHERINE kneels to look at the markings and notices some splinters of wood on the floor.) Catherine: I, uh ... ... think it needed a little more than that. (She picks them up for a closer examination.) (JERRY WALDEN nods his head. Camera hold on CATHERINE looking back up at JERRY WALDEN.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT 103 - DAY] (There are more equipment in the apartment. Brighter lights. GRISSOM rests the vent grill on the chair. SARA kneels nearby. They both begin examining the vent cover.) Sara: Fly egg casings. (STU EVANS appears in the doorway.) Stu Evans: I thought I heard some banging around. You, uh, you find my tenant? Sara: You can contact Captain Brass for that information, sir. (SARA holds out a business card. The forensics personnel standing there takes it and gives it to STU EVANS.) (GRISSOM picks up a live beetle caught in the grill's webbing.) Sara: What do you got? Grissom: Either Paul or John. Sara: A very important beetle. Grissom: The most important. The Silphid Beetle typically feeds on decomposing human flesh. Sara: There's a dead body in here somewhere. Grissom: Mr. Evans ... could you get permission from the owner to let us break into these walls? Our original warrant didn't cover that. Stu Evans: Depends, how many walls and what for? Grissom: We can't divulge that but it may be ... all the walls. Stu Evans: In every room? Grissom: Yeah. Stu Evans: You CSI's going to pay for the replastering? Grissom: We don't do that. Sara: But you can submit a form to the city for reimbursement. Stu Evans: Yeah, I'm still waiting for my tax rebate. I don't even have to bother the owner with this. He's not going to let you bust out these walls. (STU EVANS leaves.) Sara: Now what? (GRISSOM holds out the container with the Silphid Beetle in it.) Grissom: DNA lab. I don't want to hear any rumors that Paul is dead. He may be the only chance we have of getting in these walls. HARD CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] Warrick: We already know this beetle feeds only off of human blood, so why are we extracting its stomach contents? (WARRICK opens the container with the Silphid Bettle in it. He takes out the beetle and holds it down while SARA uses a small bore needle to get the sample out of the beetle.) Sara: Ahhh ... Not so. According to Grissom -- Mr. Bug Guy -- the silphid beetle will actually feed on any decomposing mammal. So we need to show human DNA or we are not going to get a warrant to break down those walls. Warrick: Well, I hope he got his grub before you grabbed him up. (SARA stands up and looks around.) Sara: Where's Greg? We need to get this processed. You know, I swear that guy has a second job somewhere else. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MOJAVE DESERT NEAR LAKE MEAD -- DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. UNDEVELOPED LAND NEAR LAKE MEAD -- DAY] (CATHERINE meets with PAUL NEWSOME, District Engineer, at the "Future Site of Adventures Hotel and Casino" as per the billboard in the background.) Paul Newsome: I'm, uh, all for being alone, but ... Catherine: Did you bring the file? Well, there goes the foreplay. Paul Newsome: It's in the car. I hope you appreciate that even as district engineer it wasn't easy getting you the original land deed. Catherine: Well, I know how you love a challenge. So, what'd the property sell for? Paul Newsome: Half a million bucks an acre. Is there anything else that you need to use me for? Catherine: Whoa. Excuse me? Paul Newsome: It's obvious that you're not here for me. You're here for yourself. So let's not waste each other's time, all right? The property was owned jointly by two men -- Jerry Walden and Bruce Skeller. At the time that they bought it, it was a steal -- fifty grand an acre. Two years later, Adventures Development come in, they start buying up the surrounding parcels. Your guys hold out, until last week and let me tell you, they got top dollar. Catherine: Hmm ... Capitalist's wet dream -- buy low, sell high. So they played it smart. Paul Newsome: Well, one of them did. From all I can tell Jerry Walden was selling to Adventures from the get-go but his partner ... well ... was a different deal altogether. He was a diehard environmentalist. A real tree-hugger. Catherine: You can say that again. Paul Newsome: He saw the writing on the wall. The urbanization of Lake Mead and he spent every cent he had trying to fight it. When it comes down to money versus the environment it's no big surprise who's going to win. So is there anything else that I can do for you? (CATHERINE kisses LEWIS, turns and walks away smiling.) Catherine: I'll see you. (Camera holds on PAUL NEWSOME.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] Ronnie Litre: This really frosts My lizard. I go out to the lake to get away from the casinos. Well, there goes jet-skiing. Catherine: What about the land deed, Ronnie? Ronnie Litre: Oh, what I can tell you about that is I'm impressed. If it is a forgery, it's a great forgery. Van Gogh. Nothing I can testify to. Catherine: What can you testify to? Ronnie Litre: Have you seen my VSC-4 machine? Catherine: No. (RONNIE motions for CATHERINE to follow him. They move further into the lab.) Ronnie Litre: The original copy of the land sale agreement, okay? Inks luminesce at different wavelengths. (Camera focuses on the original land deed document with the signatures of both sellers, JERRY WALDEN (dated 10/2/01) and BRUCE SKELLER and a third signature of the seller (also dated 10/2/01). The document is cast in a bluish light.) Ronnie Litre: At one wavelength the signature on the left disappears. (The document is cast in a greenish light and JERRY WALDEN'S signature and date disappear.) Ronnie Litre: At another wavelength the one on the right disappears. (The document is cast in a yellowish light and BRUCE SKELLER'S signature disappears. The document is cast in a red-colored light and both signatures disappear.) Catherine: Where'd it go? [CLOSED-CAPTION: RONNIE LITRE: I can bring it back.] (The document is cast in an orange-colored light and all signatures once again appear on the document.) Catherine: What does it mean? Ronnie Litre: Whatever you make of it. You've got a legal document. Two signatures -- notarized, the whole nine yards. The only thing I can tell you is your two guys used separate pens. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (Camera close up on GRISSOM staring at the Silphid Beetle on its back in the container on his desk. GREG enters.) Greg: Excuse me. Grissom: Yeah. Greg: Silphid beetle -- test for presence of human DNA. (An exhausted GREG hands GRISSOM the test results and sits down in the chair across his desk. GRISSOM reads the results, his face grim.) Grissom: Is this definitive? Greg: (nods) Yes, sir. (GRISSOM grabs his jacket and heads out the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LOCKER ROOM] (SARA and WARRICK are in the locker room. GRISSOM walks in holding a piece of paper.) Sara: Did we get our warrant? Grissom: The beetle was full of human DNA. Brass got us a judge. (WARRICK nods. He stands and grabs a large hammer.) Warrick: Let's go knock down some walls. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - APT #103] (Close up of the hammer breaking through the wall. WARRICK, SARA and GRISSOM break through the wall only to find nothing but insulation.) Warrick: One wall down ... 15 to go. (BRASS enters the apartment with a blond-haired woman.) Brass: Sorry to interrupt your fun but I have someone here you might like to meet. Jimmy Durante's girlfriend. Sara: You're Alison Scott? Alison Scott: I see Cliff's been showing off again. It's one of the reasons I left him. Grissom: You left him? Alison Scott: I went back to my old boyfriend in Chicago. Grissom: Miss Scott, we found some blood on one of Cliff's lamps. Alison Scott: Stubbed my toe on that lamp ... like ... once a week. I begged Cliff not to buy that thing but he never listens. Grissom: Would you be amenable to providing us with a sample of your blood for comparison purposes? Alison Scott: Sure. But I'm telling you, that's my blood. Look, Cliff's ... well, he's a lot of things, but he's not a murderer. Grissom: Yeah, I still want a sample. Warrick, would you? Warrick: Uh ... yeah. (WARRICK, ALISON and BRASS leave the room. GRISSOM pulls his goggles off and sighs.) Grissom: You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Sara: (counters) A square of nine dots on paper and you can only draw four lines to connect them ... without the pen ever leaving the paper. (GRISSOM smiles grimly.) Grissom: Right. Think outside the box. (SARA smiles at GRISSOM and starts looking around satisfied that GRISSOM is thinking about possibilities and not dwelling on the situation. The camera focuses on GRISSOM as he considers his options. GRISSOM turns around and looks at the walls.) (Following GRISSOM'S gaze and his line of thought, the camera moves straight for the wall, through the walls of Apartment 103 and into the Apartment next door where ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RESIDENT MANAGER'S APARTMENT - APT 101] ( ... the Resident Manager, STU EVANS, stands in front of his entertainment center. The doorbell rings.) (STU EVANS opens the door. SARA and GRISSOM are standing there.) Stu Evans: Yeah. What do you want now? Grissom: We need to take a look at your wall. (Camera holds on STU EVANS.) HARD CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (CATHERINE walks down the hallway and passes by GREG'S lab. He looks up and sees CATHERINE.) Greg: Hey, yo, Cat ... (CATHERINE stops and turns around.) Catherine: I'm going to forget that you called me that. Greg: Sorry. Um, I've got a full profile on our -- "your" torch. I pulled his DNA off of a cigarette butt. Lucky for us, he's a wet-lipped smoker. (CATHERINE looks down at the results and nods.) Catherine: So, you've done your job. I got to go do mine. Greg: Just get me something we can compare it to. (She smiles and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] Catherine: These ash wood splinters are from scuba guy's back? Nick: Mm-hmm. Embedded in his aconeus muscle. (Camera microscope view of the wood splinter.) Nick: After you paged, me I had Robbins comb his body. Catherine: They only get us something if they match Walden's ninja coffee table. Nick: It's your theory. (NICK puts the second sample under the microscope for CATHERINE to match. He steps aside while she works. Camera changes to microscope view of the two splinter pieces side by side.) Catherine: Radial chains align. Pores match. Two pieces of ash wood, one source. So, Walden and Skeller get into an argument probably over their land. (Quick Flashback to JERRY WALDEN arguing with BRUCE SKELLER. Jerry Walden: Buy yourself a hundred acres of rain forest, man! Cash in your end! Bruce Skeller: I'm not going to sell! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Walden pushes Skeller he falls back onto the ash wood table. Nick: But that's not what killed Skeller. Robbins said he took a line drive to the chest. Catherine: Which escalates to a punch. (Quick Flashback to JERRY WALDEN and BRUCE SKELLER arguing. JERRY WALDEN punches BRUCE SKELLER in the center of his chest. BRUCE SKELLER falls backward onto the coffee table, breaking it. End of flashback.) Nick: (smiles) I'll call O'Reilly. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RESIDENT MANAGER'S APARTMENT #103] (SARA and GRISSOM are standing in the small apartment's kitchen.) Grissom: Scented candles, huh? Stu Evans: Food went rotten wanted to cover the smell. Sara: You've re-plastered this wall recently? Stu Evans: I had rain damage. Funneled down, wrecked a five-foot area. Sara: Huh. (GRISSOM takes the picture hanging on the wall down.) Grissom: You wouldn't mind if I, uh ... examined your vent, would you? (The door opens and BRASS walks in. He's holding a warrant.) Brass: You don't have to ask his permission. I got a new warrant that covers his apartment. (to STU EVANS) Your wife being missing put it over. Funny you didn't mention that before. (BRASS hands the warrant to STU EVANS who takes it and reads it. GRISSOM and SARA set up a small ladder that GRISSOM climbs to examine the vent.) Grissom: Did you know that your apartment shares heating ducts with the apartment next door? Stu Evans: Yeah, me and Cliff were always fighting about the temperature. So what? (GRISSOM turns back to look through the vent. The camera moves backward through the vent to reveal among other things, more flies than one can count, dust and a congregation of Silphid beetles.) Grissom: Sara? Sara: Yeah ... (GRISSOM gets down from the ladder and puts it away while SARA gets the hammer. Both she and GRISSOM start to rip the wall down.) Sara: Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. (SARA reaches into the hole in the wall and removes a white blanket.) Sara: Alklyd. There's blood on the blanket. Grissom: And Dermestidae Masculatus. Sara: That's Latin for "you're hiding a dead body". Brass: What's the matter? Didn't realize how bad a corpse can smell so you just decided to move it around the place? Grissom: You can tell us where the body is or we can, uh ... tear your place apart piece by piece. Whichever. (Camera holds on STU EVANS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Lewis (Jerry Walden's lawyer): Look, you got squat. Jerry and Bruce signed with different pens. You found a cigarette butt at Lake Mead and wood chips on a tree-hugger. Bottom line, you got a dead guy up a tree and you don't know how he got there. Det. O'Riley: Hey, I'm just here to make the arrest. Lewis: For what? What have you got? Catherine: Plenty. Why don't we just start from the beginning. Bruce Skeller didn't die in any fire. He was killed at your house. (Quick flashback to JERRY WALDEN punching BRUCE SKELLER in the chest. Sound of BRUCE SKELLER taking the punch. End of flashback. Resume on CATHERINE.) Catherine: He didn't pick up any ash splinters from that forest. It's all Telarosa and Oak out there. Nick: You had a dead body. So, you decided to get creative. Fire season, wet suit, liquid soap. (Quick flashback to JERRY WALDEN applying dishwashing liquid soap to BRUCE SKELLER'S feet. End of Flashback. Resume on CATHERINE.) Catherine: You drove out to the lake, dumped the body ... (Quick flashback to JERRY WALDEN carrying BRUCE SKELLER'S fully geared body and putting it down on the ground by the light of his car. Cut to JERRY WALDEN putting the mouthpiece in BRUCE SKELLER'S mouth. End of flashback. Resume on CATHERINE.) Catherine: ... and lit up. (Quick flashback to match flare and cigarette in mouth being lit. Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume on CATHERINE.) Catherine: Not 'cause you wanted a cigarette. You lit up with a purpose. (Quick flashback to lit cigarette being placed inside a matchbook. JERRY WALDEN looking up. Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume on NICK.) Nick: This gave you a head start. My guess is around, what, five-minute mark. (Quick CGI POV of cigarette and matchbook combo catching on fire. Flash to white. Resume on CATHERINE.) Catherine: You figured the fire department would label it a hot spot -- relate it to the original fire and the body would just burn up. Lewis: Still doesn't explain how Bruce's body wound up in that tree. Jerry Walden: I didn't put him there. Nick: Actually ... you did. See, the thing you forgot about a scuba tank is it contains compressed air. Too much heat ... and kaboom. (Quick flashback to the air tank exploding and the body in scuba gear flying through the air in slow motion. As it descends, it gets caught in the tree's branches where it was eventually found. Flash to white. Resume on NICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE and NICK exit the interrogation room. CATHERINE smiles. NICK sighs.) Nick: Rocket Man. Catherine: Yeah. Got to love this job. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RESIDENT MANAGER'S APARTMENT #101] (WARRICK and the rest of the Forensics team continue to tear down the walls of the Resident Manager's Apartment. WARRICK taps on the next wall he's going to knock through.) Warrick: I got a hollow section. Grissom: Let's open it up. (Using a hand-held box cutter, WARRICK cuts out a piece of the wall. He peels it open and out drops an ironing board.) Warrick: Damn. Are we in the wrong apartment again? Grissom: I don't know. I don't mind being wrong. I just don't think I am this time. Okay ... start on the floorboards. I'm going outside. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM exits the building and begins checking his pulse while keeping an eye on his wristwatch. He calculates his heart rate. He's breathing loudly and pacing the floor. He leans against the brick wall. Off screen, the glass doors open and SARA walks out.) Sara: You okay? Grissom: Ninety-five. Sara: Excuse me? Grissom: Normally my pulse is seventy. When it gets to 95, I realize how mad I am. I-I have ten people working around the clock on this thing. Sara: You're too hard on yourself. Grissom: No, no. I'm not mad at me. There's a body in there and that guy knows where it is! Sara: What's your pulse at now? (GRISSOM sighs and pushes his cap up over his forehead.) Sara: You want to take a walk around the block? Get some air? Grissom: (sighs) No. Sara: Clear your head ... Grissom: I'm fine. Sara: Okay. (GRISSOM has his eyes closed. SARA reaches out and wipes his cheek. A lingering move that surprises GRISSOM in it's intimacy. He looks at her. She meets his eyes. She shrugs.) Sara: Chalk ... from plaster. Grissom: Oh. (GRISSOM wipes his cheek and absently glances at the back of his hand. He looks at SARA. She meets his eyes for a moment then looks away.) Sara: (gently) Better go wash up. (SARA smiles and walks back in leaving GRISSOM behind. GRISSOM pulls his cap down and follows.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT #103 -- KITCHEN] (GRISSOM turns on the hot water. Nothing comes out but a few drops. He tries the cold water. It works fine. He closes the water and tries the hot water again. Nothing. GRISSOM ponders the possible connection.) Grissom: Hey, Brass. When did The Shnoz say he lost his hot water? Brass: He wasn't exact. Grissom: (to STU EVANS) You, uh, have no pressure for your hot water. Stu Evans: I got a plumber coming on Saturday. Grissom: Well, you know, my Uncle Herb was a plumber. I might be able to help. Where's your installation? Stu Evans: In the basement. But, really, I got a plumber coming. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX BASEMENT -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM turns on the light. The bulb blows.) Grissom: You got an electrician coming, too? (He turns on his flashlight and proceeds through the basement followed by BRASS and STU EVANS.) Grissom: A filtration system. It softens the water. Stu Evans: Yeah. Listen, you know, I got a guy on retainer. You don't have to do this. Grissom: Yeah, well, I'm non-union. (He looks up at the pipes.) Grissom: There's no disruption to the cold water line. Hot water line ... water runs through the filtration tanks first and the water heater second, right? Stu Evans: Yeah. Grissom: Why is it bypassed? You've cut off the water to the filtration tanks. Stu Evans: Something's wrong with that. I had no choice. (GRISSOM knocks on the tank. It sounds full.) Grissom: Brine tanks are usually hollow. Only got about eight inches of water at the bottom for the salt mixture. (He knocks on tank again. It definitely sounds full.) Grissom: Does that sound hollow to you? (GRISSOM lifts up the cover to the tank. BRASS reacts to the smell. Camera cuts to inside the tank where we find STU EVANS' wife, dead and covered with Silphid Beetles. Flash to white. Resume outside of tank.) Brass: Not enough candles in the world ... Stu Evans: She nagged me. (GRISSOM turns around to look at STU EVANS.) Grissom: (incredulous) She nagged you? (Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] Sara: Hey, you want to grab some breakfast? Grissom: No, thanks. (GRISSOM opens the container with the Silphid Beetle in it.) Nick: Come on ... we always get better service when you're there. Grissom: I'm having breakfast with a friend of mine. (GRISSOM puts a piece of meat off of his plate into the container.) Nick: You're keeping him alive? Sara said you guys already solved the case. Grissom: He did. Nick: (nods) All right. (NICK and SARA leave. Camera holds on GRISSOM eating breakfast with his beetle.) (Camera pans back down the hall.)
doc_222	MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL [The Mystic Falls High School football field is all decked out for the commencement ceremony. It is deserted except for Kol, who stands at the podium, and the dead hybrids and witches from the Expression triangle sacrifices who approach him. He taps the microphone before speaking.] Kol: Welcome back. It was our deaths that allowed this day to come to pass - massacres performed in the name of resurrecting the immortal, Silas. Twelve hybrids, twelve witches, the slaughter of innocents by the so-called hero protectors of Mystic Falls. They risked unleashing hell on earth for their own selfish gains. And today that's exactly what they're going to get. TITLE CARD AND OPENING CREDITS SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE [Lexi is dancing and rocking out to Bon Jovi in the parlor while Stefan drinks some bourbon straight from the bottle. Damon enters.] Stefan: Damon! Help me celebrate my 17th high school graduation. [Damon turns off the music.] Hey, you remember my friend, Lexi, of course? Damon: Lexi, back from the dead. Goody. [Lexi vamp-runs at Damon and pins him against the wall with a hand over his neck.] Lexi: What's up, buzzkill? Damon: [strained] Stefan, you're just gonna sit there and let her enact her ghostly revenge? Stefan: You reap what you sow, buddy. Lexi: Let's be very clear: whatever time I have left here, I sure as hell don't plan on wasting on you. You got me? Damon: Yeah. Got ya. [Lexi releases Damon and he gasps.] Damon: So if you and Ric and little Gilbert are all flesh-like and real-seeming, that means something went horribly wrong when Bonnie tried to put that veil up. And here you two are, having dance party USA. Stefan: You're right. How selfish of me to be indulging in these precious moments with my formerly dead best friend. I should be sacrificing my own happiness for the good of others, right? I should be upstairs grooming my hero-hair. Damon: Are you drunk? Stefan: I don't know, Mom, am I? [Taking the bottle from Stefan, Lexi chuckles. Damon snatches the bottle from Lexi.] Lexi: Okay. Damon: Well, I guess that's one way to celebrate our supernatural apocalypse. [He takes a swig from the bottle.] Now, care to hazard any guesses on what the hell went wrong? MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL [Bonnie is in the boiler room at the school, on the phone with Caroline who is manning the yearbook table in a hallway of the school. The shots alternate between them.] Bonnie: I hit kind of a snag. Caroline: A snag? A snag is a bad yearbook picture. You hit a tsunami. Where are you? Bonnie: I'm trying to fix it, but I'm running into some trouble. I need to wait until the full moon tonight to have enough power to put the veil back up. Caroline: Are you telling me that we might graduate right smack in the middle of a ghost-filled Expression Triangle? [Bonnie glances down at her body lying on the floor. Her grams is with her, looking at it, too.] Bonnie: Maybe we should just cancel. Caroline: No, we are not going to cancel. Graduation is the most important event of our lives, the last ceremony of our youth. It is our rite of freaking passage! Hell will freeze over before I let anyone cancel graduation. Bonnie: Can you not make jokes about hell freezing over? We're not that far off from that already. Caroline: Just promise me that today is a friend day. Bonnie: Okay, I promise. I love you. Caroline: I love you, too. [They hang up.] Sheila: Go. I'll make sure no one finds your body. But Bonnie-- Bonnie: I know. Okay? I know I need to tell them, I just can't. They've been through too much already. Sheila: I know, child. I was just going to say that... Make sure you say your goodbyes. [Bonnie smiles sadly.] THE CEMETERY [Alaric, Jeremy and Elena are eating lunch together.] Alaric: [through a full mouth] Mm. Oh, my god. [Elena laughs.] Jeremy: Mm. Elena: No grease on the Other Side, huh? Alaric: You have no idea how much I've missed this. [holds up a bottle of bourbon] And this. [Elena takes the bottle.] Alaric: No, hey. Hey! [Elena takes a swig.] Jeremy: She just got her humanity back. Let her live a little. [Jeremy reaches for the bottle but Elena holds it away from him.] Elena: Hey, you wish. Jeremy: I'm dead - what are they gonna do, throw me in juvie? Alaric: Well, at least you'd have a place to live. [Smiling, Elena starts throwing food at them.] Elena: You both suck! Alaric: Hey! Now there it is - that smile. I wasn't sure we were gonna see that again. [Elena is still smiling, but more sadly, her eyes glistening.] Elena: I did some pretty terrible things. [She takes a deep breath.] Jeremy: Hey, no. No tears. If Caroline was right, we only have until tonight. We need a no-crying rule. Elena: But the crying's good. It means that I'm finally feeling something, and right now I... [she takes their hands in each of hers] I feel happy. [They smile back at her. Elena's phone starts ringing. She takes it out and looks at it.] Elena: It's the Grill - it must be Matt. [answers it] Hey, you went AWOL this morning - what happened? [It's a familiar, unexpected voice.] Connor: Hello, Elena. It's your dead friend, Connor. You remember me? [Elena is shocked.] A PARKING LOT [Matt and Rebekah are a wary audience to Alexander as he unloads weapons from Connor's trailer.] Alexander: A hidden compartment filled with advanced weaponry. Man has evolved from his days of throwing stones. Rebekah: There is nothing we can do for you Alexander. Please, let us go. Alexander: I'm not holding you here. Although, I have a feeling that exploding contraption will have a hard time parting with your handsome friend intact. [Matt is standing on a weight-sensitive explosive device.] Matt: Just go, Rebekah. I'll be fine. Rebekah: I'm not leaving you. [Alexander examines a bottle of venom, smiling in awe.] Alexander: The soldier, Connor, found a way to siphon venom from a werewolf. Rebekah: What do you want from us? Alexander: To fulfill my destiny. The brotherhood of hunters was created for one reason, and one reason alone. SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE [Damon opens the door to find an unexpected visitor.] Damon: Vaughn? [Vaughn lifts a guns and shoots Damon in the shoulder. The force of it causes Damon to step back and he groans in pain.] Vaughn: Got a little message for you, laddie. Straight from the mouth of the witch Qetsiyah. MYSTIC GRILL [Connor is still on the phone with Elena. The shots alternate between the Grill and the cemetery. Connor: We want Silas, and we want the cure. Elena: I don't know where they are, so I guess I can't help you. Connor: Huh. Well, you know who's gonna need some help? Grandma and Grandpa Jones, in town for the big high school graduation, along with Auntie Sue and Uncle Mark... [Alaric motions to Elena that he's going to do something. Elena nods.] Connor: Matter of fact, everybody here at the Mystic Grill for graduation brunch. You either give me what I want, or they die. SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE [Damon groans as he pulls the bullet out of his shoulder. Vaughn checks his gun.] Vaughn: Yeah, borrowed it from my jarhead friend, Connor. Shoots wood like lead. Damon: Come on, man. I didn't kill you. Vaughn: No, but you left me in that well on that island, where I starved to death. There I was, all alone on the Other Side, till Qetsiyah found me and reminded me of my supernatural destiny - to cure Silas, and then kill Silas. End of story-- [Suddenly Vaughn gags and falls to the floor. Stefan stands behind him, Vaughn's bloody heart in his fist. Damon gapes at him; Stefan merely raises his eyebrows.] MYSTIC GRILL [Elena is still talking to Connor over the phone. The shots alternate between them.] Elena: Please, don't hurt anyone. I'll find Silas and I'll get the cure. Connor: Good. Get it done. [He hangs up. Alaric shows up behind him.] Alaric: So, you get off on terrorizing innocent people? Connor: And who might you be? Alaric: The guy responsible for the 18-year-old you just threatened. Connor: Well, that 18-year-old snapped my neck with her bare hands. Alaric: And I'm also the guy who showed her how to do that. [Connor chuckles.] Connor: That's ironic. You must not know a damn thing about fighting if you're trying to intimidate a dead guy packing C4. [Connor opens his jacket slightly to reveal he's strapped with explosives.] Alaric: This is my bar, pal. Nobody's gonna blow it up. [Connor grins and lifts a detonator in his hand. It clicks and Alaric grabs him with vampire speed and takes him out of the Grill. He explodes offscreen, though they only get far enough that the explosion causes damage to the edge of the restaurant. The Grill patrons scream in fright.] A PARKING LOT [Matt is still trapped standing on the explosive device while Rebekah stands beside him. Alexander sits in the doorway of the trailer.] Alexander: Go ahead, sweet Rebekah. Use your vampire powers to whisk him away. I'm sure you can survive the blast of six of these... automobiles. Can he? Matt: Just ignore him. All right? Let's think about something else. Like graduation. What are your plans - college? Travel? Just because I'm never getting out of this town doesn't mean you shouldn't see the world. [Rebekah, who has been watching the device nervously as Matt's weight shifts on top of it, looks back up at him.] Rebekah: It's just been settled. I'm gonna show you life as you've only dreamt it. We'll start in Italy. There's a lovely little church-- [she glances back at Alexander] -- outside San Vittore in Brienno. Alexander: [nodding] Romantic spot. Popular for weddings. [Rebekah turns back to Matt.] Rebekah: And then I'll show you the Northern Lights in the springtime, the Simatai Gorge from atop the Great Wall of China, every inch of the Louvre. Matt: [smiling] China, Paris, the Northern Lights... It's a date. Rebekah: We'll see it all when we're done here because we can. We're alive. [She looks scornfully back at Alexander.] We're not gonna be stuck as ghosts in misery on the Other Side. [Alexander angrily gets up.] Alexander: All right, you're done now. [He throws the dagger he's holding at Matt. Rebekah moves to catch it and does, but starts to knock Matt off balance. He teeters atop the device as Rebekah regains her footing, bracing against Matt. She throws the dagger away to the ground.] Rebekah: I've got you. [Matt laughs nervously at the close call.] MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL [Bonnie walks down a deserted hallway, wearing her graduation gown and holding her cap. Katherine joins her smoothly from a side corridor.] Katherine: I don't think red's really your color, Bon-Bon. Bonnie: And here I was hoping the ghost of anyone would've killed you already. Katherine: Funny you should mention death, because I'm here to collect that immortality you've promised me. Bonnie: Funny you still think you're going to get it. I told you, Qetsiyah's the only witch who knows the immortality spell. If she was a no-show, you're out of luck. [Katherine moves to block Bonnie's way and they stop walking.] Katherine: See, here's the thing, Bonnie: I can't disagree with you, because I have been feeling out of luck lately. But you know who has been getting all of my luck? My beloved doppelgänger, Elena. My shadow-self is living a better life than I am, so if I don't get that immortality, I may just have to get rid of her altogether. Bonnie: Did you just threaten my best friend? [Katherine makes a face.] Bonnie: I could crush your skull without even flinching. Katherine: Go ahead. Make your move. [As she speaks, a group of students enters the hallway. Bonnie turns to look at them, and Katherine disappears.] SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE [Damon is rubbing his shoulder uncomfortably as he checks himself in the mirror in his room. Elena knocks on the doorframe to announce herself.] Elena: Hey. Damon: Hey. Elena: So, I think there's some stuff you and I need to talk about. Damon: Yes, we do. But first-- [He walks over to his bedside table, opens a small chest and pulls out a box. Walking over to Elena, he presents her with the cure.] Consider it a graduation present. Elena: Damon, I can't take that. Damon: Sure you can. Looks like it might be cherry-flavored. Elena: [laughing] I'm not saying I don't want it - obviously I want it. But... that's the only one. There's only one cure. And the hunters have made it pretty clear that they're willing to kill everyone in Mystic Falls until they get it. Damon: Elena-- [he puts the cure into her hand and folds her fingers over it] --take the damn thing. I want you to take it. [Elena hesitates over it, but finally puts it back in Damon's hand.] Elena: I can't. Damon: Well, I guess that answers the sire bond question. [The floor creaks. Damon looks over Elena's shoulder.] You gonna help a brother out, or are you just gonna lurk? [Elena turns to see Jeremy leaning against the doorframe.] Jeremy: Look, Elena. You're my sister and I love you, no matter what you choose. Damon: How is it even when you're dead, you're the bane of my existence? [Downstairs, Lexi crouches near Vaughn's body while talking to Stefan, who empties a blood bag into two glasses.] Lexi: So, the veil's down until tonight, he dies and goes to the Other Side, and what? Comes back all over again? How long does that take? [Stefan hands a glass of blood to Lexi.] Stefan: What, they don't give you a rulebook over there? Lexi: [laughing] You know, you're missing your chance to weigh in on the Great Elena Gilbert Cure Debate. Stefan: What am I supposed to do, tell her it's her choice? Because that worked out so well. You know, it's funny, those two are in there arguing about how to protect the world, and they have yet to address their biggest issue. Lexi: Enlighten me. Stefan: The sire bond's gone. Elena's emotions are back. She finally knows exactly how she feels. Lexi: And what if whatever she feels is for you? [Stefan considers the question for a moment.] Stefan: She's the love of my life. I'd go back to her in a heartbeat. But, if that's not how she feels, then maybe that's exactly what I need to hear to get my ass out the door. Maybe I will move to Australia. I can live in a yurt. [Lexi laughs.] Lexi: Cheers to that. [They clink glasses. Suddenly Vaughn revives and stands up.] [Upstairs, Damon and Elena are still arguing while Jeremy observes.] Damon: Come on, we don't need the cure for Silas - he's a calcified statue. [Damon groans uncomfortably.] Elena: What was that? Damon: Nothing. Elena: Take off your shirt. Damon: Elena, there are children present. Elena: Fine. [She pulls the collar of his shirt down to reveal the wound in his shoulder. He cringes in pain.] Elena: Damon, why isn't this healed? Damon: Because the bullet was laced with werewolf venom, okay? The hunters are dicks. [Elena turns away and starts pacing.] Elena: We need Klaus. We need his blood. Damon: Klaus would rather see me die. Plus, Klaus is a thousand miles away sipping Hurricanes on Bourbon Street. Elena: That wound will kill you! Jeremy: What about the cure? Elena: Jeremy's right. If you're human, the werewolf venom won't hurt you. Damon: And here I was, so moved by your speech to save mankind. [feigns listening] Sounds like Vaughn's awake. [He walks past Elena.] Elena: Damon, wait. [Downstairs, Vaughn is facing Stefan and Lexi when Damon enters behind him. Vaughn turns around.] Damon: Here. [He tosses the cure to Vaughn, who catches it.] Stefan: The hell are you doing? Damon: Digging up Silas. [He turns and walks to the front door.] You coming, Vaughn, or not? [Vaughn follows Damon out the front door; Elena arrives just as the door shuts. She turns to Stefan and Lexi, speechless.] THE QUARRY [Damon leads Vaughn to the edge of a cliff overlooking the quarry.] Damon: Here we are. Vaughn: What is it? Damon: It's where I dumped Silas. Closed off to hikers, no food for animals, endlessly deep water. Vaughn: I'm not following you, Damon. Where exactly did you put the body? [Damon humorously explains each step to Vaughn, indicating direction as necessary.] Damon: Well, um... well, let me see. So I dragged his stone ass through here, I flung him in that general direction, then he tumbled down into those weeds... I kind of lost him in the rocks. The thing about physics... wait, what is it? It's, ah, distance equals velocity times time? Guess I should've told you to bring some scuba gear, huh? A PARKING LOT [Rebekah and Matt are still braced against each other while Alexander circles them.] Alexander: Don't you two look cozy? [He walks into the trailer, leaving the two alone for a moment.] Matt: So... he seems nice. [Rebekah starts to laugh but stops herself.] Rebekah: Don't make jokes - I'll laugh and you'll fall. [Matt speaks in a low voice once Alexander is out of sight.] Matt: I'm wearing the Gilbert ring. I can't be killed by anything supernatural, so maybe if you're the one who detonates the bomb, then I won't die. Rebekah: Absolutely not. You'll blow into a billion pieces, the ring with it. Matt: There's only one way to find out. Rebekah: [nodding] Fine, okay. The first rule of truly living: do the thing you're most afraid of. [She kisses him passionately. When they break apart, Matt looks down to see that Rebekah has stepped onto the device in his place.] Matt: What are you doing? Rebekah: I can't be killed and you can't miss graduation. Please, go. Matt: No. Rebekah: Run! [He hesitates a second longer, glances at the trailer, then takes off running. Alexander comes back out of the trailer, angry.] Alexander: What have you done? Rebekah: I finally chose one of the good ones. [Rebekah runs off the device with vampire speed and the parking lot explodes.] SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE [Elena is pacing while discussing with Stefan what to do next.] Elena: We have to do something. If those hunters give the cure to Silas-- Stefan: They're not giving it to Silas. Wherever Damon is taking Vaughn right now, it's to stall, because Damon hasn't had time to bury Silas' body yet. [Elena stops pacing.] And that's all you need to know right now. Elena: Okay, fine. We're stalling the hunters, but Damon is still dying. Stefan: It was one bullet, and it was only laced. We still have a little bit of time. I will go to New Orleans myself and I will beg Klaus if I have to. Jeremy: Then it's settled. You're going to your graduation. [Jeremy enters the room carrying Elena's cap and gown.] Elena: Gradua-- no, Jer, I never even sent in my college applications. Jeremy: I don't care. Mom and Dad would kill you if there wasn't a photo of you in your graduation getup. Elena: Jer, no. Not if you can't be there. Jeremy: Lexi'll keep me company. You're going. [Elena finally relents and walks over to him to take her cap and gown.] Elena: Let's go graduate. [They smile at each other.] MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL [The students, all in caps and gowns, are milling about the football field getting ready for the ceremony. Caroline is leaving a message on Klaus' voicemail.] Caroline: Klaus, now is not the time to decide that you are over me. I'm gonna call you every 10 minutes until you get your ass here to save Damon's life. [She hangs up as she reaches Bonnie.] Caroline: Where is everyone? Matt: [arriving suddenly] I'm here. Caroline: Where have you been? Matt: Oh, you know, making plans for the summer, dodging death by vampire hunter. Bonnie: Where's Elena? We can't do this without her. [Elena arrives right then with Stefan.] Elena: I'm here. [She hugs Bonnie.] Thank you for today. Caroline: I can't believe it. We're actually all here. We are all here together! Bonnie Bennett, are you crying? Bonnie: It's our last hurrah before you guys go off to college. Caroline: Before we go off to college. Elena: I... kinda sorta missed the deadline. You know, being an emotionless bitch. Caroline: Well, the perks of being a vampire - we can go wherever we wanna go. We can choose our own roommates. We could - we could get a triple room! [Elena and Stefan chuckle at Caroline's enthusiasm, while Bonnie smiles with tears in her eyes. Bonnie: I'm happy we're all here. Caroline: Aw - group hug! Stefan: Ah, I don't - I don't hug... Caroline: Oh, get over yourself! [The five of them close in for a joint hug. Mayor Hopkins opens the ceremony.] Hopkins: Welcome parents, family, and friends. What a beautiful day for a graduation. Thank you for joining us today on this special day, as we celebrate our graduates. So let's get started. John Albrecht. David Bance. Sarah Beasley. Um, not to play favorites, but I am especially proud of this next graduate, my lovely daughter: Bonnie Bennett! [Bonnie walks up onto the stage and hugs her father.] Hopkins: Congratulations. I'm so proud of you, sweetie. Bonnie: Thanks, Dad. Hopkins: You're welcome. Bonnie: For everything. [He seems to sense something off about Bonnie's mood, but she smiles and leaves the stage.] Hopkins: Savannah Davis. Matt Donovan. William Duncan. Caroline Forbes. Congratulations. Caroline: Thank you. Hopkins: Matt Freeman. Elena Gilbert. Congratulations. Elena: Thank you. [In the audience Bonnie, seated among the students, claps for Elena when Kol suddenly leans forward from the row behind her to speak in her ear.] Kol: Greetings, little witch. Bonnie: [not looking at him] I thought Stefan got rid of you. Kol: He did, and I spent the night crawling out of a cement grave. [He looks behind his row.] Isn't that the witch your friend Caroline killed? [Bonnie turns and is surprised to see Aja sitting a few rows back.] Kol: And over there, that's my hybrid friend, Adrian. Also dead. In fact, these seats are scattered with two dozen supernatural faces, all of whom have reason to lash out since their lives were sacrificed in order to make your Expression triangle. All they're waiting on is word from me. Bonnie: The veil goes back up tonight. Don't you have anything better to do than harrass me and my friends? Kol: [laughing] Well, that's the thing. I don't want the veil to go back up. In fact, I want you to drop it completely, so I and my fallen friends can live, Bonnie. It's time to pay the piper. [Inside the school, Bonnie leads Kol into the boiler room.] Bonnie: The Kol I remember was adamantly against hell on earth. Kol: I was, till I was in hell. Now I would very much like to be back on earth. [Kol finally notices Bonnie's body lying on the ground.] Kol: What's this? Bonnie: It's me. I died last night. I'm a ghost, and I want the same thing you want. I don't want to be on the Other Side with unfinished business. I want my parents to see me off to college, I want to decorate my dorm room with my best friends. I want to stay here, Kol. More than anything. Kol: Then what are we waiting for? Let's do it together. [He starts walking towards Bonnie, but is stopped suddenly, as though an invisible wall stands between them.] Kol: What have you done? [He tries to leave through the door they came in, but again is blocked by the magical barrier.] Bonnie: This will hold you till dark. Then, when the veil is back up, this town will be rid of you for good. Kol: But everything you just said-- Bonnie: It was true. But we don't always get what we want, do we? [SCENE_BREAK] THE QUARRY [Damon and Vaughn are still at the edge of the cliff. Vaughn looks down into the quarry while holding a gun aimed back at Damon.] Damon: [imitating Vaughn's accent] What's wrong, laddie? Can't swim? [Vaughn looks back at Damon and notices his wound creeping up his neck.] Vaughn: The hell happened to you? Damon: [looking down] Oh. Well, would you look at that. That is nasty. Vaughn: Connor... [He laughs, looking at his gun.] He must've laced these bullets with werewolf venom. Damon: Ding-ding-ding. Not as dumb as you sound. [Vaughn suddenly shoots Damon in the leg. Damon groans in pain, clutching at the new wound.] Vaughn: This was all a lie, eh? You knew you were a dead man. [He pulls the cure, which is on a string about his neck, out from under his shirt.] Well, you don't get this back. Where'd you put Silas? [Damon laughs softly. Vaughn shoots him square in the chest and Damon falls to his knees.] Vaughn: One more jolt of werewolf toxin, and you'll be dead within minutes. [shouting] Where's Silas? [Vaughn has his gun aimed at Damon's head, but Damon doesn't respond. Just as it seems Vaughn is about to pull the trigger, Alaric shows up, snaps Vaughn's neck and swings him swiftly into the quarry. Alaric turns to Damon.] Alaric: Oops. Damon: [weakly] One slight problem. [Alaric holds up the cure, dangling on the string.] Alaric: You mean this? Damon: Yes. Yes, that. MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL [Mayor Hopkins finishes reading the names. Alaric talks to Stefan over the phone; the shots alternate between Stefan on the school grounds and Alaric at the quarry.] Alaric: I would love nothing more than to get out of here before Vaughn comes back to life, but Damon won't take the cure. He wants it for Elena. Stefan: Okay, just hang on a little longer. Caroline's calling Klaus again. [Caroline hangs up her phone, shaking her head.] Alaric: Stefan, we are past the point of Hail Mary phone calls. What do you want me to do, stand here and watch him die, or force-feed him the cure? [Elena casts a significant look at Stefan, who remains silent.] Stefan? [Suddenly a high-pitched noise causes Stefan, Caroline and Elena to clutch at their heads in pain. Aja and the other dead witches approach them.] Aja: Remember us, Caroline? [She holds her arm out, casting whatever spell is hurting the vampires, until suddenly Klaus shows up, throws a cap like a disk at Aja and it beheads her. Her headless body falls to the ground and the noise stops.] Klaus: There are plenty more of these to go around. Who's next? I can do this all day. [Caroline turns to Klaus, smiling.] SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE [Damon, all healed up, strides across his room bare-chested. He's starting to put a shirt on when Elena arrives.] Damon: Hi. Elena: Are you feeling better? Damon: Yeah. Elena: So it's all healed up? Damon: Fresh as a daisy. Elena: Good. [Elena slaps a hand hard across Damon's face.] [Downstairs, Lexi, Alaric, and Stefan settle down with drinks.] Lexi: Ouch. Alaric: Yeah, I taught her that swing. [Lexi laughs.] Stefan: You know it's not polite to eavesdrop, right? Lexi: Hey, I'm short on time here. Don't rob me of what little joy I have. [Elena walks into the room.] Elena: Anyone seen Jeremy? Alaric: Oh, he went to see Bonnie. He'll be back later. You know, before... well, you know. Elena: Yeah. Stefan, can I, um... can I have a moment? Stefan: Sure. [They leave the room together. Lexi turns to Alaric.] Lexi: This could get interesting. Alaric: Usually does. Lexi: So, the Other Side... Not exactly a party, is it? Alaric: I've lived... better. Lexi: You know there's something else out there, right? There has to be. Silas' whole agenda was to find peace with his one true love, and whatever 'peace' is... it's out there. I figure once we've served our time for all the bad things we've done, then it's just about letting go, moving on. Alaric: And how are we supposed to do that when the knuckleheads we care about can't seem to keep their lives straight? Lexi: Yeah... [Stefan and Elena talk in another room.] Stefan: So, what's up? Elena: Honestly, Stefan, I just wanted to thank you. For sticking by me when I was at my worst, for believing that I was still in there. Even after everything I put you through, you... you never gave up on me. Stefan: I, ah... I kind of owed you one. [They smile at each other. After a moment, Elena holds out her hand, closed-fisted.] Elena: Here. [Stefan holds out a hand and she puts the cure into it.] Elena: It's yours. I want you to have it. Stefan: No, Elena, I'm not gonna-- Elena: Stefan. The only person worse at being a vampire than me is you. Human blood is your downfall. You got the raw end of the vampire deal. The rest of us will be fine, we'll survive. I mean, you taught us. You deserve whatever you want out of life. [She folds his fingers over the cure.] You deserve this. [Elena stands holding Stefan's closed fist in her hands.] MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL [Caroline stands on the football field in front of the commencement stage. Klaus approaches her.] Caroline: How'd you get here so fast? Klaus: I was already on my way. [Caroline raises her eyebrows; Klaus draws a piece of paper out of the inside of his coat.] Klaus: I received your graduation announcement. It was... very subtle. [Caroline shuts her eyes, smiling.] I assume you're expecting cash? Caroline: That, or a mini fridge. Klaus: Well, I had considered offering you a first class ticket to join me in New Orleans... but I knew what your answer would be. So, I opted for something I knew you would accept. [Caroline looks at him, waiting.] Tyler is now free to return to Mystic Falls. Caroline: What? Klaus: He's your first love. I intend to be your last, however long it takes. [He kisses her on the cheek.] Congratulations, Caroline. [Caroline laughs softly, unexpectedly elated.] Klaus: Let's get out of here, before 12 angry hybrids decide to pick a fight. SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE [Damon watches the fire burn in the fireplace. Elena enters the room and strides toward him with purpose.] Damon: I wanted to apologize... [Elena crosses her arms in front of her.] Elena: Good. Damon: Let me finish. I said I wanted to. And then I realized, I'm not sorry. Elena: You would rather die than be human, and you expect me to be okay with that? Damon: I didn't say you were supposed to be okay with it, I just said I'm not sorry. But you know what I really am? Selfish, because I make bad choices that hurt you. Yes, I would rather have died than be human. I'd rather die right now than spend a handful of years with you, only to lose you when I'm too old and sick and miserable and you're still you. I'd rather die right now than spend my last final years remembering how good I had it and how happy I was, because that's who I am, Elena, and I'm not gonna change. And there's no apology in the world that encompasses all the reasons that I'm wrong for you. [Elena looks at Damon for a long moment.] Elena: Fine, then I'm not sorry either. I'm not sorry that I met you. I'm not sorry that knowing you has made me question everything, that in death you're the one that made me feel most alive. You've been a terrible person, you've made all the wrong choices, and of all the choices that I've made this will prove to be the worst one. But I am not sorry that I'm in love with you. I love you, Damon. I love y-- [Damon walks to Elena and kisses her passionately.] [In another room, Stefan struggles to keep control over his face. Lexi walks up behind him and places a hand on his shoulder.] Lexi: Now who's eavesdropping? [Stefan places his hand on top of Lexi's.] [Later, Stefan is loading the car with Silas' body when Damon walks outside.] Damon: Stefan? Stefan: Think the quarry will be deep enough to bury Silas? Damon: Yeah, I don't think anyone's gonna stumble on him there. Stefan: Yeah. [Stefan continues to load the car.] Damon: You want me to, ah-- Stefan: No, it's all right. I got Lexi coming with me. Damon: [under his breath] Yeah. [Damon starts to walk back inside.] Stefan: Hey, Damon. Damon: Yeah? Stefan: I'm not happy about Elena... but I'm not not-happy for you, either. I just want you to know that. Damon: Thanks, brother. [Damon walks back inside.] MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL - UNDERGROUND CAVE [Jeremy walks into the cave to meet Bonnie.] Jeremy: Hey. Bonnie: Hey. Jeremy: I needed to see you. Bonnie: I need to close the veil, Jer. The hybrids, and the hunters-- Jeremy: I get it. I'm ready. I just... wanted to be with you when it happened. Bonnie: Did you and Elena...? Jeremy: I can't. I can't say goodbye to her. We said 'no tears' and... I left her a letter. She'll find it when all this is over. I'm ready. [Bonnie closes her eyes and the flames in the torches flare up.] SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE [Alaric is gazing out the window when Damon returns. Damon goes straight for the decanter of bourbon and pours a couple drinks.] Alaric: Moon's full. Damon: Yeah. Alaric: Where's Elena? Damon: She's trying to find Bonnie and Jeremy. She's worried about the time. [Alaric smiles at Damon.] Damon: What? Alaric: You got the girl, man. Damon: [as though he still can't quite believe it] I got the girl. Alaric: Now don't screw it up. [Damon looks back down at the drinks.] Damon: Well, with you looking over my shoulder, how can I? [He looks back up to see that Alaric has disappeared.] THE ROAD [Lexi and Stefan are driving.] Lexi: New York? Stefan: Too close. Lexi: Vegas! Stefan: Ugh, no. Too touristy. Lexi: Look, I know you think I'm joking, but you are leaving. You just graduated for the millionth time. It's time to start living your life. Stefan: What if Elena was... the one? Lexi: She was. And she will always be an epic love. Contrary to popular belief, there are actually multiple ones - especially for a vampire. The only way to find another is to let go, and move on. [Stefan watches the road for a moment as he drives.] Stefan: I've never been to Portland. [He looks over at the passenger seat, but Lexi has disappeared.] Stefan: See ya, Lexi. MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL [Elena opens the door to the boiler room and enters.] Elena: Bonnie, Jer, are you guys here? Kol: Well, well. [Kol appears behind Elena.] Kol: Speaking of unfinished business. [He attacks Elena, throwing her to the ground. Elena braces herself but just as suddenly as the attack started, Kol has vanished. She gets up, realizing what must have happened, but doesn't have more than a moment to let it sink in before she hears a noise nearby. She turns and Katherine is there.] Katherine: Happy graduation, cupcake. [She slams Elena against a wall.] [In the underground cave, Bonnie continues to do a spell with her eyes closed while Jeremy waits. She opens her eyes.] Bonnie: It's almost closed. Jeremy: So this is it? 'Cause there were a million things I wanted to say to you, but now nothing seems quite right. Bonnie: Then don't say anything. [She walks to him and kisses him. The torches flare up before going out, leaving them in darkness. Jeremy gasps, backs away and clutches at his chest.] Jeremy: What's happening? Bonnie: Oh, my god. [Bonnie gives a small, triumphant laugh.] Jeremy: What is it? Bonnie: It worked, Jer. I did a spell that brought you back. I didn't think it would work, but I - I closed the veil and you're still... here. Jeremy: I'm alive? [Bonnie nods, and Jeremy struggles for words. He rushes toward her, but his face falls when she touches his neck.] Jeremy: I can't feel your hand. What's going on, Bonnie? Why can't I feel you? Bonnie: It's okay. Jeremy: Bonnie, what did you do? Bonnie: I have the witches, and my grams... You can see ghosts, we can talk whenever we want. Jeremy: No... No! No, you can't be dead. Bonnie: Do me this one favor: you tell Elena and Caroline that I'm spending the summer with my mom. Jeremy: I can't. They need to know. Bonnie: For the first time in forever, my friends are okay. I don't want to take that from them. [She walks past Jeremy and he turns to watch her go.] Bonnie: I'm gonna be okay, I promise. [Bonnie walks over to her grams, takes her hand, and they walk away together.] LOCKWOOD MANSION [Matt walks to the front door and opens it to see Rebekah.] Matt: Hey... What are you doing here? Rebekah: I just wanted to see if you were okay. Rough day and whatnot. Matt: Thanks. Look, I'd invite you in, but I promised Tyler I was gonna keep this a low-vampire zone. [Rebekah nods, understanding, then hesitates over her next words.] Rebekah: I know that we were under duress today, so... whatever, you know, plans that we were making... I understand if you don't want to. Matt: You and I... this isn't gonna work. I need to keep my love life a low-vampire zone, too, okay? Rebekah: [smiling] Of course. I get it. [She turns to leave, but stops when Matt speaks again.] Matt: So whatever happens on the road, stays on the road, all right? [Rebekah, grinning, turns back round.] That little wedding town in Italy? Don't get any ideas about turning me into a vampire so that we can live eternally ever after, you know what I mean? Rebekah: I'm sorry, are you saying...? Matt: I've never set one foot outside of this town. I have no college plans, no idea what the future holds for me... But I do know that it's time that I start truly living. And, since you almost killed me this year, I figured it's your obligation to show me how. Rebekah: [grinning] Okay. MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL [Katherine throws Elena against a door.] Elena: What are you doing? Katherine: Would you believe I'm having a bad day? [She picks Elena up and throws her against a wall of lockers. Elena gets up but Katherine speeds over and kicks up her leg to press her booted foot over Elena's neck.] Katherine: It started when Bonnie denied me my Silas-like immortality. Elena: Of course, because Katherine Pierce can't be happy with good old vampire-caliber immortality. [Elena finally manages to throw off Katherine's foot and uses her leverage to slam Katherine to the ground. Katherine immediately slams Elena back against another wall of lockers. Elena rips off one of the locker doors and swings against at Katherine's face. Katherine grabs onto the door.] Katherine: I deserved it. I never had a graduation, or a prom, or, you know, a life. But you did. [Katherine swings the door into Elena's face, sending her back a pace.] Katherine: You have everything, and it's not because you're a good little girl who deserves happiness, it's because you stole mine. [Katherine throws the door at Elena, who ducks and the door lodges into the other lockers.] Elena: I stole your happiness? You killed my brother! [Katherine runs at Elena, but Elena blocks Katherine and throws her down the hall. Katherine gets back up.] Katherine: I'll admit, that was nasty. [Yelling in fury, Elena rushes at Katherine, who twists Elena's arm and throws her at a fire emergency case - the glass in the door of it shatters as Elena slams against it. Elena struggles on the floor as Katherine walks over, sees a janitor's mop propped against the wall and breaks off the wooden handle.] Katherine: I have nothing. [She beats Elena with the stick.] But I'm about to change that. [She kicks Elena.] Elena: Kicking someone while they're down... classy till the end, Katherine. Katherine: [laughing] Your end. [She stabs the broken end of the stick into Elena's throat. Elena gulps and struggles against it as Katherine digs it in deeper.] SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE [Flashback to earlier, when Elena was trying to give the cure to Stefan.] Elena: You deserve whatever you want out of life. You deserve this. Stefan: Listen... I'm glad you're okay with who you are now. But every single thing I did to get this, I did for you, so that the choice of whether you wanted to be a vampire or not would always be yours. MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL [Katherine pulls the stick out of Elena's throat and thrusts her hand into Elena's chest, grabbing hold of her heart. Elena frantically reaches into a pocket in her jacket.] Katherine: Bye-bye, little girl. [Elena finally pulls the cure out of her pocket and shoves it into Katherine's mouth and forces her jaw to close around it. Katherine's eyes widen as the cure dissolves in her mouth, and falls to the floor beside Elena, unconscious.] Elena: Have a nice human life, Katherine. THE QUARRY [Stefan unloads the canvas bag that contains Silas' remains, but when he tosses it to the ground its contents sound like a bunch of loose pieces. He kicks it and reaches inside to find shards of ordinary stone.] Elena/Silas: Don't bother. I'm not there. [Silas approaches him from behind, and Stefan turns and stands.] Stefan: Silas. You were stone. They saw you, the spell worked. Elena/Silas: That's the funny thing about spells - they're bound by Nature. Nature demands balance, so every spell has a loophole. The spell that turned me into stone was bound by a witch - a living witch. So when that witch died, the spell broke. Stefan: Bonnie? Bonnie's not dead. Elena/Silas: It doesn't matter, does it? And here's where the mystery of me comes full circle. I created the immortality spell two thousand years ago. I can never die, so Nature needed to find a balance - a version of me that could die. A shadow-self - a doppelgänger. Stefan: So, this is finally your real face? You're another one of them? Elena/Silas: Not exactly. [Silas' reflection in the car window shows a face identical to Stefan's, and Silas takes on his true form.] Silas: Hello, my shadow-self. [Silas approaches Stefan and thrusts his hand into Stefan's body.] Silas: Do you have any idea what it's like to starve for two thousand years? [He pulls his hand out and Stefan falls to his knees. Silas puts Stefan into the body-sized safe, locks him in and tips it over the edge of the cliff into the quarry. Inside the safe, Stefan bangs against it as it begins to fill with water, shouting out as the water engulfs his face.] Credit: Wiki
doc_223	[Scene: Magic School. In the great hall, Chris stands on the ladder and pulls out a book from the bookshelf. Paige and Gideon are below, writing a spell.] Chris: You know, your time travel section is due for a serious overhaul. I mean, I can find more information Googling. Gideon: Googling? Chris: Never mind. (Chris steps down.) Any luck with that spell yet? Paige: You mean since the last two minutes you asked me? Chris: Look, I'm just getting nervous here, okay? My birthday is in two days, and if I'm not outta here before I'm born Paige: What? Something bad you don't know about could happen? Chris: I just don't want to take any chances. Besides, I came here and did what I had to do, and that was to save Wyatt. Now it's time for me to go home. (Piper and Leo walk in. Leo's pushing Piper's suitcase.) Paige: Sooner than you might think. Chris: Oh, no. No, no, no. Not yet. You're early. Piper: Oh, relax. I'm just getting a jump on things. I'm not in labor. I'm sending some stuff back to the house. Chris: Just don't scare me, okay? Leo: What's the matter? Isn't the spell ready? Gideon: I think it's ready. It should work. Leo: Should work? What do you mean? Gideon: Well, there are no guarantees with time travel, Leo. You should know that better than anyone. Sorry. There's always a chance that something might go wrong. Leo: All right. We're not taking any chances. Chris: We might have to. I'm running out of time here. Leo: No. I'm not sending you through a one-way portal unless I know where you're gonna land. Gideon: You can never be certain, unless, of course, you went too. And even then Leo: All right. Let's just forget the spell and start to work on that potion again. Gideon: But the spell has a better chance of working. It's the Power of Three. Leo: Yes, but if something goes wrong, he'll have extra potion with him and he can come right back. Piper: I agree. It sounds safer, so why don't you guys get to work on that? Paige, can you orb these home for me? Just squeeze them into the nursery or something. Paige: Nursery? Piper: You did clean out the nursery, right? Paige: Yeah. No. I was working on the spell. I'm sorry. Piper: Well, you better hurry, or else Baby Chris will be sleeping in your room. Paige: Yeah, don't worry. I'm all over it. (She goes over to the bags and orbs out.) Piper: Don't forget diapers. Lots of diapers. Chris: Okay. Gotta get outta here. [Scene: Gideon's office. Gideon comes in and closes the door. He goes over to a curtain and pulls it back, revealing a mirror.] Gideon: They're preparing to send the boy home. (Gideon sits down in a chair. His reflection, Evil Gideon, stays standing.) It's time. Evil Gideon: For our plan to work, we have to get the sisters Gideon: And Leo and Chris out of the way. Don't worry. We will. Opening Credits [Scene: Outside Halliwell Manor. Phoebe gets out of her car and heads toward the Manor. A woman walks over to her.] Woman: Hello, Phoebe. Excuse me, Phoebe. Hello. (Phoebe stops and turns around.) Phoebe: Hey, Mrs. Noble. What's up? Mrs. Noble: What's up is you parked in my driveway again. Phoebe: Yeah. Unfortunately, there's nowhere else to park. Mrs. Noble: So I should suffer? Phoebe: Well, you know, Piper's brining home the baby in a couple of days, and I did a little shopping Mrs. Noble: This is getting to be a real problem. Phoebe: You know what? Just do me a favor. Let me run inside and put these bags down, and then I'll come outside and move the car. (A police car pulls up.) You called the patrol guy? Mrs. Noble: This is the third time this week you've blocked me. Phoebe: Yeah, well if your dumpster didn't take up half the block, then I wouldn't have to park in your driveway. (Mrs. Noble's jaw drops. The patrol officer comes over.) Mrs. Noble: This is against neighborhood association rules. Phoebe: (To Patrol Officer) Excuse me, can you write her a citation for that ugly eyesore dumpster there, please? Patrol Officer: Homeowner's got a permit. Phoebe: I don't have time for this. (She leaves. Patrol Officer places a ticket on Phoebe's car.) [Scene: Piper's bedroom. Paige is trying to put the bassinet together. Phoebe enters.] Phoebe: Oh, look at how cute. I remember when baby Wyatt used to fit in there. (Phoebe puts down her bags.) Paige: This is not cute. This is the bassinet from hell. Do you know how to put this together? Phoebe: No, that would be a Leo thing. I still can't believe we're bringing home a baby. (Paige sits on the bed.) Paige: Yeah, well, this baby's not gonna have anywhere to sleep. Phoebe: I know. What made us wait so long to do this baby room? Paige: We were busy trying to keep Wyatt from turning evil. Phoebe: Here, let me help you. (She takes off her jacket.) Paige: Yeah, which I'm glad we did, but it just means that he's gonna need a bedroom. (Phoebe picks up the bassinet.) Phoebe: Yeah, well, even if he was evil, we'd need another bedroom. Paige: Yeah, but now with everybody coming home plus one, we're a room short. Phoebe: Well, I guess I can sleep on the couch. I just really think we need to focus on the baby right now. Paige: And on getting Chris home. Oh, remember him? You know? The nephew? The one you've been avoiding? Phoebe: I am not. Paige: Okay, so why weren't you helping Gideon and I with the spell? Phoebe: Because I was helping Leo trying to find the burdock root. It was very hard to find. It's back-ordered everywhere. (She puts the bassinet down.) You're right. You know what? We're just gonna get Chris a new bassinet. (She sits on the bed.) Paige: I'm gonna miss him, too, you know. Phoebe: It sucks. I mean, I know he's going back to a better future and all. It's just we're just getting to know him you know? Paige: I know. (The doorbell rings.) Phoebe: I forgot to move my car. (She leaves the room.) [Cut to downstairs. Phoebe answers the door.] Phoebe: Sheila. (Sheila is standing in front of her, crying.) Sheila: It's getting to be a habit, isn't it? Me showing up a wreck. [Time lapse. Phoebe and Sheila are sitting on the couch in the living room. Phoebe hands Sheila a box of tissues. She takes one.] Sheila: We never fight, that's the thing. At least we never used to, but lately, Darryl's just been so on edge, you know? Phoebe: Any idea why? Sheila: Actually, I was hoping you might know. Phoebe: Me? Sheila: I went to his work the other day just to say hi and I saw an arrest warrant on his desk, for Chris. Phoebe: Chris? Are-are you sure? Sheila: I'm positive. I even asked him about it, if he was gonna make it go away, and that's when he just lost it. He told me to stay out of it and stay away from you girls from now on. Did something happen that I don't know about? Phoebe: A couple of weeks ago, Darryl got really scared when he was trying to cover up for us, and we felt horrible, you know, but obviously, it really affected him. Sheila: Enough not to cover for Chris? Phoebe: He got really scared. Maybe you just need to give him some time. Sheila: Yeah, but that doesn't help you right now, and it doesn't help Chris. Look, I-I love Darryl, and I-I know this is eating him up inside, but you girls are like family to us. You don't turn your back on family. (Phoebe smiles.) [Scene: Magic School. Chris draws a large triquetra symbol with chalk on the wall.] Chris: I wonder how different the future's gonna be, how much different my life is gonna be. (Chris steps back. Leo walks up to him.) Leo: I just want you to get home safely. Now remember, if anything seems different, we have another vial of this to get back right away. (Leo gives him a potion.) Chris: You worry too much, you know that? I'll be fine. Leo: I'm your father. It's my job to worry. Now listen, when you get back there, you gotta take it easy on Wyatt, okay? You can't hold a grudge. Chris: Hey, as long as he's not Ruler of All Evil, I'm cool. Leo: I'm serious. He's gonna be different. Good. He's not gonna remember he wasn't. So if you really want to change the future, you gotta start with a clean slate. Chris: Okay. Okay, I get it. How about you? Are you starting with a clean slate? Leo: How do you mean? Chris: Like you and mom. Look, all I'm saying is I'd like to know where you two are headed before I go back, that's all. Leo: It's complicated. I'm an Elder. I made a commitment. Chris: So? It's not like you haven't broken the rules before. I'm living proof of that. Leo: Yeah. We'll see. Listen, we have enough of this stuff if you want to try a dry run before everybody gets here. What do you think? Chris: Yeah. Let's do it. (Leo throws the potion at the triquetra. Before it hits the wall, the potion breaks. Leo and Chris fold their arms.) Leo: That should have worked. I'll get you home, buddy, I promise. (Leo turns away. After a moment, Chris does too. Drops of blood appear on the floor, heading out the door.) [Scene: Gideon's office. The door opens. Gideon appears as he pulls down his hood. He has a cut in his left palm. He TKs the door close. He TKs the curtain open. Evil Gideon is licking the blood of his cut on his right hand.] Evil Gideon: Their potion almost certainly would have worked. Gideon: We stopped them just in time, though it Evil Gideon: Wasn't supposed to hurt. (They pull a large glass shard from their palms.) Shall we? (They put their palms up toward each other and heal each other.) Gideons: Thank you. Gideon: At least now they'll be forced to use our spell. Evil Gideon: The sooner the better. Wyatt's magic grows stronger by the day. Gideon: That much power in one being Evil Gideon: Is bound to turn him Gideon: Evil. Evil Gideon: Good. We have to get those that protect him out of the way. Gideon: Starting with Leo and Chris. (There's a knock on the door. The door opens and Leo pokes his head in.) Leo: (Echo) Gideon? (He sees him.) Hey, it looks like we're gonna need that spell after all. Is there an echo in here? Gideon: It's poor acoustics. Have Piper gather her sisters, and I'll get the spell. Leo: Okay. You know, I don't understand what happened. That potion should have worked. Gideon: Like I said, time travel is tricky. You will still be escorting your son? Leo: Well, I think so. I think it's safest, don't you? Gideon: Absolutely. Gather everyone together. I'll be right along. (Leo leaves. Gideon goes back to the mirror and meets Evil Gideon.) Gideons: Here they come. [Scene: Outside Police Station. A police car pulls up into the drive. Phoebe and Paige run to Darryl.] Phoebe: Darryl. Paige: Hey Darryl. Phoebe: Darryl. Stop. (They stop in front of Darryl.) We just need to talk to you. Darryl: We have nothing to talk about. Paige: Look, Chris is going home today to his future home. Phoebe: Yeah, and we were hoping you know, that you could find it in the goodness of your heart, even though we know that you're mad at us, you know, just, throw away his file. Paige: The one with the little arrest warrant in it. Darryl: Apparently, I haven't made myself clear. I am done covering for you. Done. Now if you'll excuse me. (Darryl tries to walk past them, but Phoebe stops him.) Phoebe: Darryl, think about it. Okay? The cops are gonna come for Chris, and what are they gonna find? They're gonna find a little itsy-bitsy baby. Paige: And then they're gonna find us, which risks exposure. Darryl: Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you broke Chris out of jail. Inspector Sheridan thinks that Chris' breakout was an inside job, which, if I'm not careful, could point back to me. I've got a family to think about, too, you know. (He sees Inspector Sheridan.) Great. (She stops next to him.) Inspector Sheridan. Sheridan: Have you seen Chris lately? Phoebe: Chris who? Sheridan: (To Darryl) When you have a minute. (Sheridan and Darryl walk into the office.) Paige: At least Chris isn't gonna have to deal with her in the future. [Scene: Magic school. Leo pushes Wyatt into the Great Hall. Piper walks in. Chris is there.] Chris: Where are Phoebe and Paige? Piper: I'm sure they'll be here soon. Chris: Soon? Soon is when Dad and I have to go. Piper: Dad? What do you mean? (To Leo) Wait, you're gonna go too? Leo: Just long enough to make sure he gets where he needs to be. Piper: And when exactly where you gonna tell me about this? Chris: I told him he didn't have to come. I don't need him. Leo: No. It's too dangerous. Remember the last time you went through a portal? You were almost dinosaur kibble. I have to go. (Gideon comes in.) Gideon: Sorry. I just wanted to go over the spell one more time, make a few tweaks. Piper: Tweaks? Let me see that. (Piper takes the spell from Gideon's hands. Phoebe and Paige orb in.) Chris: Finally. Where have you two been? Paige: Sorry. We were a little, uh held up. Phoebe: But we're here now, so let's get this show on the road, you know? The clock's a-tickin'. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Piper: Since when are you in such a hurry to say goodbye? Phoebe: Well, since something happened with the thing, and the thing, with the thing. Chris: Huh? Phoebe: There's a warrant out for Chris's arrest. Leo: What? Paige: Yeah. I tried to get Darryl to bury it, but he's not on our side anymore. Phoebe: It's okay. We've been through worse. We'll get through this. We'll figure it out. And if you get back to the future and we're in jail, you just have to bust us out. (She smiles.) You just go back to that beautiful, peaceful world that you helped create. (She and Chris hug.) I'm really gonna miss you. Chris: I'll miss you too. Paige: Aw. Here comes the huggin' part. (She gives him a hug. Chris hugs Piper.) Piper: Thank you for coming here. I love you. Chris: I love you so much, mom. Piper: Now go on. Hurry. You be safe. Chris: Thanks for all your help. Gideon: You did a noble thing in coming here. (Chris looks at Wyatt and makes a shooting sound.) Chris: Pow. Be good. (They turn to the triquetra.) Piper/Phoebe/Paige: In this place and in this hour, we call upon the ancient power, open the door through time and space. (The portal opens.) Create a path to another place. (Chris and Leo walk into the portal.) [Scene: Magic School. Leo and Chris walk through the portal and see the Evil Charmed Ones and Evil Gideon standing in front of them. Evil Gideon has a hand on Evil Phoebe's shoulder.] Chris: Where are we? [Cut to Magic School. The portal closes. Evil Leo and Evil Chris are there.] Evil Leo: I have no idea. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Magic School. Takes off from before. Gideon walks up toward Evil Leo.] Gideon: Something's gone wrong. Don't let them leave. (Evil Leo pushes him backward into Phoebe. They fall down. Chris makes a Darklighter's crossbow appear. He fires an arrow at Paige. Piper freezes it.) Piper: Are you out of your mind? (She knocks the arrow down.) Evil Leo: (To Evil Chris) Follow me. (They dark orb out. Piper gasps.) Phoebe: What the hell was that? (She and Gideon stand up.) Gideon: I'm not sure. Paige: You're not sure? Chris just tried to kill me, and you're not sure? We were supposed to send him back to the future, not turn him into a Darklighter. Piper: Excuse me, people. Those were black orbs. Where did they get black orbs from? Phoebe: Breathe. Breathe, Piper. You don't wanna go into labor yet. (Phoebe rubs Piper's stomach.) Paige: Well? Gideon: Perhaps the spell wasn't specific enough. Phoebe: Meaning what? Gideon: Meaning it worked, obviously. It opened up a portal. Not to another time, but to another world. A parallel world, not just any parallel world. One that's the exact reverse of ours. Paige: Reverse like what? Reverse like evil? Gideon: Precisely. You see, it's all part of the grand design. A universe destined to maintain balance. Light and dark, yin and yang, good and evil. For good to prevail in this world, then an equally evil world must also exist. Paige: Well, that's quite a faulty design, isn't it? Gideon: No, it's not Paige. Balance is everything. Without it, the cosmos doesn't spin. Piper: Are you telling me that when our Leo and Chris stepped in there, their evil selves stepped out? Gideon: Yes. It's a mirror world. Whatever happens there happens here. Phoebe: So our Leo and Chris are in their evil world. Piper: Well, we gotta go get them. Phoebe: You can't go get them. You're not going anywhere. Paige: Besides, what about those evil fellas that just came through here? Piper: We'll go get them later. Gideon: Actually, I think you should go after them now. Phoebe: Why? Gideon: Because for every second that they're in our world, they risk throwing off the balance by doing something evil. [Scene: Golden Gate Bridge. Evil Chris drinks some beer as Evil Leo stands by.] Evil Leo: You ever see anything so good? Evil Chris: It's disgusting. Can you believe all the liquor stores are closed in the mornings here? What's up with that? Evil Leo: Didn't stop you from kicking down the door to get in. (Evil Chris nods.) Why didn't you orb in? Evil Chris: What's the fun in that? (He takes another drink. Evil Leo chuckles. Evil Chris drops the beer bottle.) Evil Leo: Strange. Everything seems the same, but kinda different, you know? It's cleaner, it's happier, it's more civilized. (A car crash is heard.) Evil Chris: Now that's what I'm talking about. Evil Leo: This place makes me sick. I gotta get out of here. Evil Chris: Gives you an idea of what kind of awful, saccharine future I came from, why I had to come back and change it so bad. Evil Leo: And I'll always be proud of you for that. You saved Wyatt from turning good. You gave us a second chance. The least I could do is get you back to your future, back to evil. Evil Chris: Thanks, dad. Evil Leo: First we gotta get back to our world, though. We're gonna need the Power of Three to do that. Evil Chris: Well, we can't trust those Pollyanna witches. They're too good. God, who do I have to kill so we can get out of here? Evil Leo: I think I might know somebody, somebody we can use to force the sisters to help us. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe is scrying while Paige gets the crystals.] Phoebe: I don't understand. If they're just like our Leo and Chris, then why do we need a crystal cage to trap them? Paige: So they don't try to kill us again, for one thing. Phoebe: Yeah, I don't think they were trying to kill us. I think that they were just surprised, like we were. Paige: Yeah, well, I am not taking any chances. Hey, did you get any hits yet? Phoebe: No, nothing. They must not be doing anything evil. Paige: Yeah, well, if Gideon's right, it's just a matter of time. (In British accent) Besides, we wouldn't want the cosmos to stop spinning, would we? Phoebe: It's so weird to think that there are evil twins of us out there doing the exact same things as we are right now. Paige: I can't think about that. It hurts my brain. (The crystal drops on the map.) Phoebe: Oh! I got them. [Scene: Alleyway. Evil Chris smashes the garbage lid over Darryl, being held by Evil Leo. Darryl's already beaten up. He falls down. Evil Chris tosses the lid aside.] Darryl: What the hell's wrong with you? I'm a cop. Evil Leo: Pretty wimpy-looking one too, if you ask me. Evil Chris: Nothing like our Darryl. I think that's the cheapest suit I've ever seen. What's the matter, huh? Girls not paying you enough? Darryl: Paying me? What has gotten into you? (Evil Chris grabs him by the collar.) Evil Chris: Let's just say I don't like you coming at me in either world. (He throws him across the alley.) This almost isn't any fun. (Darryl point a gun at them.) Darryl: I don't care if you are under some kind of spell. Come any closer, I'll shoot. I swear. Evil Chris: Gun. (The gun black orbs out of his hands and into Evil Chris' hand. He laughs.) Now this is fun. (He points the gun at Darryl.) Evil Leo: Not yet. We still need him for leverage. He's no good to us dead. Not yet, anyway. (He hands Evil Leo the gun. Paige and Phoebe orb in behind Evil Leo and Evil Chris. Paige puts two crystals down.) Darryl: See? This is the crazy-ass kind of stuff that makes me not wanna have anything to do with you people. (Paige orbs out.) Evil Chris: Who are you talking to? Phoebe: Us. (They turn around. Phoebe kicks the gun out of Evil Leo's hands.) Evil Leo: That's not gonna stop us. (Paige orbs in behind them.) Phoebe: No, but Paige: This will. (Paige puts the crystals down, activating the cage.) Evil Leo: Son of a bitch. (He powers up an energy ball. He throws it. It bounces of the cage and they duck.) Paige: Nice firepower, Leo. I didn't know you had it in you. Phoebe: Don't go anywhere. (Phoebe and Paige go to help Darryl. He gets up.) Darryl: Stay away from me. Phoebe: Darryl, let us take you to Gideon. He can heal you. Darryl: No! Stay away! Paige: Darryl, please. Darryl: I said no! Damn it! Leave me alone. I don't wanna have anything to do with you people anymore. Don't you understand? (He leaves.) Phoebe: Well, I don't think that helped our cause any. [Scene: Gideon's study. Gideon and Evil Gideon are playing chess at the mirror.] Gideon: My Charmed Ones will be joining you soon. Are you certain you can keep Evil Gideon: Mine away? Absolutely, I told them to wait at the manor for the good Leo and Chris to come to them. I'm taking your knight. (Black knight moves over and smashes the White knight into pieces.) Gideon: I knew you'd do that. So the next move, of course, is Evil Gideon: Piper. Once she's in labor, we'll have a clear shot at the boy. Gideon: If we impress upon her the extent of the danger her sisters are in Evil Gideon: It will expedite matters. Gideon: But everything has to happen quickly. We're tinkering here with the grand design, risking its tenuous stability Evil Gideon: By creating an imbalance of power on one side. I know. But it's a far greater risk to allow Wyatt to grow up. Gideon: To threaten both worlds, I agree. (Gideon TKs a White knight and it smashes the Black Queen. Evil Gideon smiles.) Evil Gideon: I like the way you think. Phoebe: (From another room) Gideon? (Gideon stands up.) Evil Gideon: No echo. Gideon: A good sign. (Evil Gideon stands.) Evil Gideon: They can never know we were behind this. Gideon: They won't. (Gideon leaves.) [Cut to Great Hall. Paige and Phoebe are there. Gideon enters.] Gideon: Did you catch them? Paige: Yeah. Stuck them in a classroom, and, you know, they can't orb out of there. Phoebe: They are a little feistier than the real Chris and Leo. I don't know how we're going to get them to cooperate. Gideon: Hmm. Well, I'm sure your evil counterparts are anticipating exactly the same problems since, other than morality, you're one and the same. Phoebe: How does that help us figure out what we're supposed to do? Gideon: Perhaps you should trade yourselves. You go into their world, they'll come into ours. You can each retrieve your respective Leo and Chris. Paige: Kind of makes sense. Phoebe: And what about your evil counterpart? Will he be hip to this plan? Gideon: I have every confidence that he will be waiting there exactly as I am here. But remember, good or evil, we're all after the same thing Leo and Chris returned and the cosmic balance restored. Phoebe: Get Piper. We're gonna need the Power of Three. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Magic School. Mirror world. A portal opens and Phoebe and Paige walks through. They see the Magic School darker and more evil.] Paige: Okay, where is everybody? Isn't Piper supposed to be here? Phoebe: This is weird. I don't think we should be here. We should get out of here. (Suddenly an energy ball flies at them. They scream and duck. Evil Gideon walks up to them.) Evil Gideon: What are you doing? You're not supposed to be here. (Paige and Phoebe look back at the portal. It closes.) [Cut to Good Magic School. Piper sees the portal close.] Piper: Why didn't they come through? Where are they? Gideon: I don't know. (Piper takes panicked breath. She puts a hand around her stomach and goes toward a chair.) Easy Piper. Try to relax. (Piper sits down.) We wouldn't want you to go into premature labor now, would we? (He looks at Wyatt.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Evil Magic School. Phoebe, Paige, and Evil Gideon are there.] Evil Gideon: You have no idea what you've done. Just by coming here, you may have thrown both worlds irreversibly out of balance. Paige: Okay, well, doesn't killing us sort of do that, too? Evil Gideon: Don't be ridiculous. If I wanted to kill you, I would have. I was just, caught off guard. Phoebe: Well, you need to relax there, tiger. Evil Gideon: It's a different world, Pheebs. One filled with distrust, even amongst allies. Phoebe: I don't understand. Where are your Paige and Phoebe? Evil Gideon: Out looking for your Leo and Chris. They were supposed to bring them back here. Phoebe: Well, your Leo and Chris are at our magic school waiting to be rescued. (Evil Gideon puts a hand on Phoebe's shoulder.) Yes. Paige: Okay, this is just one big mess. What happened to the whole yin-yang business? Evil Gideon: It's been thrown off, possibly as a result of the exchange of Leo and Chris. Two worlds that mirror each other when they're in balance. And they no longer are. Paige: Okay, if it's already bad, what's gonna happen now that we're here? Evil Gideon: With both sets of sisters on the same side, the balance is dangerously at risk. We have to work quickly to correct it. Phoebe: If you are suggesting a plan, don't. We've got it covered. You don't worry about it. We need to find his Piper. Evil Gideon: If you do, she'll probably kill you. She's evil, remember, and she's got a terrible temper, worse when she's pregnant. (Phoebe and Paige shake their heads.) Phoebe: Yeah, that's not much different in our world. Trust us, we can handle it. Paige: Yeah. Evil Gideon: Your instincts are right to distruct me. I am evil, after all. But we both want the same thing. Paige: Okay, well there's a little problem with that because your girls didn't uphold their end of the bargain. They did not find our guys. Evil Gideon: But you will. You know them, know how they think. Phoebe: Okay, so we're gonna bring you your Chris and Leo, and then what/ Evil Gideon: You'll have our Piper for a Power-of-Three spell. She'll know it's the only way to get her men back. And if you encounter your counterparts, be careful. They will kill you. (Paige and Phoebe orb out.) [Scene: Prescott Street. Rats are on trashcans. Broken cars are in the streets. There are unkempt and dirty yards around the houses with trash littering in the streets. People yell at each other. A man steals a purse. The other neighbors ignore it. Paige and Phoebe duck out from behind an abandoned car. They look around.] Paige: Okay, this place isn't just evil, it's ugly. Phoebe: Oh, I don't think they're home. And I don't wanna go in there to find out. Paige: Charmed Ones working for evil. Who would've thunk it? Well, I'm with ya, especially after Gideon's little warning. (A kid rides by on a bike and breaks a car window with a metal rod.) Phoebe: Hey! Paige: I don't think Chris and Leo would've gone into that house either. Phoebe: Maybe they went to see Darryl like their evil counterparts did. I think we should talk to Darryl. Paige: I don't think if Darryl wants to talk to us in the good world, he's not gonna wanna talk to us in the evil world. (A neighbor walks out with a dog. The dog barks at Phoebe. She and Paige see an advertisement on a taxi roof: Ask Phoebe. Read me or else.) Phoebe: Maybe he will, if he thinks we're them. Paige: Okay, I really think we need to get out of here. (Paige takes out her cell phone.) Phoebe: What're you doing? (She dials.) Paige: I wanna see if this works in the parallel world. Ah! It does. (Into the phone) Hi, can I have Lieutenant Morris, please? Voice: Hey! (They look over and see the Evil Patrol Officer walking to Evil Mrs. Noble.) Lady, you want me to give her a second citation, it's gonna cost ya. Evil Mrs. Noble: Why, you greedy son of a haven't I given you enough already? Evil Patrol Officer: Hey, don't give me that! (He pushes her down.) Phoebe: Hey, leave her alone! (He sees them walking toward him and starts backing away.) Evil Patrol Officer: I, uh, I wasn't really gonna give you that citation. (He leaves. Phoebe helps Evil Mrs. Noble up. She sees her and screams and runs away.) Phoebe: Wow. We must be some bad ass witches in this world. Paige: Yeah. Remember that for when we meet up with bad ass Darryl. [Scene: P3. It's now a strip joint. Evil Darryl sits on a seat getting a lap dance from a girl. Paige and Phoebe walk in.] Paige: Well, it looks like everybody's enjoying themselves. Phoebe: Including Darryl. Ugh. Okay, juts remember, we're used to this. Paige: Right. Think mean. Think nasty. (They walk toward Darryl. A man walks up to Paige. She pushes him down. They walk to Darryl. Phoebe clears her throat. Some officers block them.) Evil Darryl: (To officers) It's all right. Let them through. (To Paige and Phoebe) I knew you'd show up sooner or later. Phoebe: How's Sheila? Evil Darryl: (To the dancer) It's all right, honey. I'll be here all night. (She leaves.) Sheila who? (He shows them his wedding ring and laughs with his buddies. They knock knuckles. Phoebe pushes Evil Darryl backwards She grabs a beer bottle, breaks it off, then puts it to Evil Darryl's throat.) Phoebe: Leo and Chris, where are they? Where are they?! Evil Darryl: Last time I saw them was at the police station. Me and my boys were trying to give Chris what he deserved. But Leo orbed him away. I've never seen him run from a fight before. Paige: Where'd they go? Evil Darryl: If I knew, do you think I'd be here waiting for you? Where you been anyway? Undercover in the Underworld? Phoebe: Why? Evil Darryl: Bright, happy colors? Not exactly your style. Get away from me. I don't want Sheridan to see me with you. She's been all over my ass. (Phoebe stands up and sees Evil Inspector Sheridan dancing on a pole.) Phoebe: (To Evil Darryl) Don't get up. (She and Paige walk away.) Paige: Now what? Phoebe: I think maybe we're looking at this all wrong. Maybe we all are. Paige: Come again? Phoebe: Well listen, if Darryl won't help Leo and Chris because he's evil, then they'd have to go to someone who's good, right, to help them? Paige: Okay, yeah, but who's not evil here? Where are the good guys? They hiding? Phoebe: Yeah, in the Underworld. Think about it. Reverse it. Who's good here? Paige: Demons. Phoebe: Right, and if I know Leo, he would have gone after the most powerful good demon there is. Paige: You're right. [Scene: Underworld. It looks like a peaceful garden. Good Barbas turns around. He's wearing white.] Good Barbas: I know the truth of all your hopes because I can feel your greatest hope inside here, the hope that one day to return home. (He's talking to Leo and Chris.) Oh, and of course, your presence here gives me great hope, the hope that someplace there really is a different kind of world, a world where the greater good, the, uh, the goodness of the heart prevails. (He walks past them, putting a hand on Leo's shoulder.) Chris: Is he for real? Leo: He must be. Demon of Fear in our world must be the Demon of Hope here. (To Good Barbas) Question is, do you have enough power to send us back? Good Barbas: Oh, alas, no, I do not, not if you were brought here by the Power of Three. But, however, hope springs eternal, so I may be able to persuade the sisters of my world to help us simply by relying on their greatest hope, the hope to reunite with your counterparts, and then, maybe (He waves his hand over Chris' face.) You will be able to return to your time before it's too late as you hope. (He begins to touch Chris, but he slaps his hand away.) Chris: Whoa. Don't touch me. (Paige and Phoebe orb in.) Paige: Oh, thank god. Good Barbas: Quickly, orb away. I will deal with them. I've done it before. Leo: No, it's okay. They're the good ones. Chris: Trust us. They're not evil. (Evil Phoebe and Evil Paige walks up.) Evil Phoebe: No, but we are. (Evil Paige waves.) [Scene: Good Magic School. Piper's bedroom. Piper is lying on the bed, in labor. Mrs. Winterbourne is there too.] Mrs. Winterbourne: Breathe, dear, in long, out short. One in three short. (She demonstrates.) In three short. Piper: Where are my sisters? Mrs. Winterbourne: Gideon's trying to find them, dear. Just try to focus on the breath. In (Gideon walks in.) Gideon: What happened? Mrs. Winterbourne: Her water's broke. She needs to get to a hospital. Piper: Did you find them? Gideon: No, not yet, but you can't wait any longer. It's not safe. (To Mrs. Winterbourne) Go. Hurry. (She nods.) Piper: Somebody has to stay with Wyatt. (Gideon looks over at Wyatt in his playpen.) Gideon: Don't worry. I'll take care of him. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Mirror World Underworld. Continues from before. Everyone's staring at Evil Phoebe and Evil Paige.] Phoebe: Nice knuckles. Brass? Evil Phoebe: No, Tiffany's. Paige: Ooh, what a waste of a nice blue box. Evil Paige: What'd you say, witch? Phoebe: Okay look, we didn't come here to fight. We just came to get Leo and Chris. Evil Phoebe: Well, so did we. Paige: Fine. You give us ours, we'll give you yours. Evil Paige: Right. Like we can trust you. You're good. Phoebe: Wait, you can't trust us? Who are the evil ones here? Good Barbas: Come on, ladies. Have some hope. We can work this out peacefully. Phoebes: Shut up! Paiges: Shut up! Evil Paige: We'll take care of you later. Phoebe: Psst. (Both Phoebes and Paiges turn around, their back toward the other.) (To Paige) Okay, we're gonna have to make a move because the longer the worlds are out of balance Evil Phoebe: The worse the damage is. Evil Paige: We have to get everyone back to where they belong. Paige: Problem is, there's no talking to those witches. I wish I could just vanquish them. Evil Phoebe: Me, too, but that'll really screw up the balance. We're gonna have to settle for Phoebe: Knocking them out so we can get Leo and Chris outta here. Evil Paige: Good. We'll orb out and grab them Paige: From behind. Phoebe: Perfect. (Both Paiges and Phoebes turn around. Paige and Phoebe orb out and Evil Paige and Evil Phoebe black orb out. The orbs hit each other in mid air, sending each pair of sisters back, landing and reforming. They all stand up.) Evil Phoebe: That sucked. Phoebe: (To Paige) All right. I'll take mine, you take yours. (Phoebe and Evil Phoebe step away. Evil Paige conjures a Darklighter crossbow. Paige gasps. Evil Paige fires at her.) Paige: Arrow! (The arrow orbs out. Evil Paige fires again.) Arrow! (The arrow orbs out.) [Cut to Phoebes. They are fighting, matching each other's moves.] [Cut to Paiges. Evil Paige fires again.] Paige: Arrow! (The arrow orbs out. Evil Paige tosses the crossbow aside.) Paiges: Rock! (They each orb a rock and throw it toward each other.) Leo: Look out! (He, Chris, and Good Barbas duck as the rocks smash in mid-air. It falls down in the center.) This is nuts. No one can win. They're too evenly matched. Chris: Well, they think alike. Paiges: Boulder! (They orb a large rock. Leo, Chris, and Good Barbas run and take cover behind a group of rocks. The boulders explode on impact.) Leo: We don't have time for this. I gotta get back to Piper. We gotta get you home. Chris: When Gideon said something can go wrong with the portal, I don't think he knew how wrong. Good Barbas: You said Gideon? Chris: Yeah. Why? Good Barbas: Because just maybe he did know how wrong it could go. [Scene: Piper's bedroom. Gideon and Wyatt are there. Gideon walks to his playpen. Wyatt puts his force field on.] Gideon: That won't protect you for long, my boy. Not for long. (Gideon puts his hands on the shield and bolts of electricity shoot from his palms. Gideon orbs himself and Wyatt out of the bedroom.) [Scene: Mirror World Underworld. Phoebe and Evil Phoebe are still fighting.] [Cut to Paiges.] Paiges: Boulder! (They throw the boulders at each other and they explode.) Leo: What do you mean? Gideon is after Wyatt? Good Barbas: He was desperately hoping to eliminate Wyatt. (Phoebes are still fighting. They fall to the ground. Paige and Evil Paige finally give up and walk over to the other. Their cell phones ring. They pull them out.) Paiges: It's Piper. (They answer their phones.) Hello? Piper: (from phone) Where the hell are you? I'm in labor, for Christ's sakes. Get your ass down here. Phoebes: Is she okay? Paiges: She's in labor. Piper: (from phone) Who's that? You've got an echo. What the hell is going on? Paiges: I'm on my way. (They hang up. Leo, Chris, and Good Barbas stand up.) Paige: We have to go get Piper. Leo: And Wyatt. [Scene: Attic. Gideon is by the Book of Shadows, casting a spell.] Gideon: "Wanton powers in this blade, yield, penetrate that which would shield." (An athame is above him. It glows. He takes it and goes over to Wyatt, who's sitting in the middle of the carpet with his force field on. The athame touches the shield and it powers down.) I'm truly sorry, but this is for the greater good. (The athame orbs out of Gideon's grip and orbs back in, stabbing him. Gideon screams in pain. He pulls the athame out and goes to strike Wyatt, but feels a lot of pain. He hears chanting.) [Cut to Mirror World. Manor. Attic. Evil Gideon puts down the athame as both sets of Phoebes and Paiges are chanting a spell. Leo and Chris are there.] Phoebes/Paiges: We call upon ancient lore to punish with the power of four, strike down this threat from both there and here, make him suffer, then disappear." (Gideon black orbs out. Evil Wyatt sits on the floor crying.) Phoebes: Wyatt, thank god. (Both Phoebes take a step forward. They stop. Phoebe backs up and Evil Phoebe goes over to pick up Evil Wyatt. Chris and Leo walk into the attic.) Evil Phoebe: (To Evil Wyatt) Did you give that bad man Gideon those wounds? Evil Paige: It looks like Wyatt can handle himself. (Leo picks up the athame.) Leo: Yeah, but for how long? Gideon's one of the most powerful Elders. If he wants him dead, he'll find a way. Chris: I can't believe it was Gideon all along. Leo: And he's still out there. If he wasn't vanquished here, he wasn't vanquished in our world, either. Paige: So what we need to do is get everybody back in the right place. Paiges: Yeah, fix this whole nutty balance Paige: Balance Paiges: Thing. Paige: I'm with ya. Leo: The problem is we don't have the Power of Three to open the portal. Phoebe: No, but we do have Evil Phoebe: The Power of Four. (Paige and Evil Paige go to the wall. Evil Paige gives Paige a thick piece of white chalk. They start drawing the triquetra.) [Scene: Magic School. Gideon's study. Gideon and Evil Gideon are healing themselves.] Gideon: At least we're still alive. Evil Gideon: Only because we barely made it back here in time. Gideon: Still, we healed each other and we can try again, especially now that we can breach Wyatt's shield. Evil Gideon: But the sisters know about us now. Worse, the imbalance has caused a shift in both worlds. Gideon: Which we should be able to use to our advantage to distract them whilst we complete our task. We created the imbalance. We should be able to repair the shift, and when we do, we'll make sure that the sisters forget everything. (Evil Gideon leaves.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. The portal opens and Leo, Chris, Paige, and Phoebe come through. Wyatt's on the floor.] Leo: There's my brave little guy. Quick, the portal's closing. We gotta get their men back through. Chris: I'll get 'em. (Chris orbs out. Leo picks up Wyatt.) Leo: Hey, buddy. I got ya. Phoebe: Okay, so if Evil Piper's in labor, that means our Piper must be, too. We gotta get to the hospital. Paige: Okay, we have to get the bag. (They leave.) [Cut to front door. Paige and Phoebe step out. They see the sun shining, the sky clear, and a beautiful rainbow over it. The streets are clean. Children play nearby. The neighbors and workers on the street wave to the sisters.] Worker: Hey, there! How're you doing? Paige: Okay, this is really strange. Man: Hi, neighbor! (Mrs. Noble is nearby.) Mrs. Noble: Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo, ladies! Yoo-hoo! (She goes over to them.) I've been waiting for you. Phoebe: Mrs. Noble. Hi. I was just coming out to move the car. Mrs. Noble: Oh, I know. You're a busy, busy, busy girl! Paige: Yeah, see, it's our sister Piper. She's in labor, and we're all a little crazy. (The Patrol Officer and some neighbors come up to them.) Phoebe: And I won't park there again, I promise. Patrol Officer: That's right. I know you won't. (He takes out his gun and shots Phoebe. She falls back and Paige catches her.) Wrongs must be righted. Paige: Help! Mrs. Noble: Have a super day! Paige: Help?! (Phoebe is on the ground.) Help! Somebody, help! (The Patrol Officer walks away.) Please, someone! (Mrs. Noble leaves.) Someone, help! Please, someone?! Someone?! Help! Someone, help! Leo?! Leo?! (An ice cream truck pulls up.) Someone, help! Please, someone?! Leo?! To Be Continued...
doc_224	(In a very odd dungeon-like room,the boys watch on a monitor as some scruffy cutie jerksoff in separate area of the very odd dungeon-like room.) Ted: Internet Access, $38.00. Adult p0rn site membership,$29.95. Michael: Watching men jerk off in the comfort of your ownhome? Priceless. Brian: mstrbt the possibilities. Michael: All you're showing is a twink beating his meat. Ted: And you're point being? Michael: Well there must be 8 dizillean gay p0rn site. Em: I personally had think about 7 dizillian p0rn site. Michael: What makes you're any different? Ted: Oh Ye of little faith. OK, imagine you're at you'redesk and work for even Worthshafter and you're working onyou're calculations. It's do it 5, but you're alreadydone. Let's be honest, you give a sh1t aboutcalculations. Em: Who's calculations? Ted: So, you're log on for a little afternoon delight.But suddently Mr.Workshafter bargins in and shot,"Where is that file?" [he push "F10"]And voila. Brian: A non-cubicle dweller, that's really slick. Michael: Ultimate in safe sx. Ted: JerkAtWork.net! For guys who don't only work...atwork. Em: I say he need something.. bigger. Brian: He looks like he's doin' alright to me. Ted: Bigger, huh? OK, Robby it's time for you're break. [Robbie huffs. Robbie puffs. And Robbie blows his wad allover himself. The Boys are impressed.] Michael: Holy cumshot! Ted: Don't forget, you're back in ten minutes! Michael: He can come again in ten minutes? Ted: With withness by the jizzball. Proving that thehandjob is quicker than the eye. Brian: Yeah, well leave it to you to figure out how tofake an orgasm. [Cut to the Comic Book Store thatMichael brough, where Emmett and Vic are helping Mikeclean up and organize.] Vic: The Squid? Michael: Uh, Issue and Year? Vic: Issue 21, 19... Michael: ...67. Right wall, row three. Em: You know, I think they should be classified by thesuperhero's fashion sense. Superheroes with taste,superheroes that clash -- Vic: Let's hope they never let you near the Library ofCongress. Michael: How did Buzzy run this place? Nothin' catalogueand inventory not existing. There is no in caps andwindow display. This place is a fcking mess. [Debbie comes in with drinks for all.] Debbie: Yeah and I would have killed him when there's notbe a pleade either. Michael: What was I'm thinking to buy this place? Debbie: Who the hell I know? Shity old story with allmusty comics. Michael: Thanks for the pepp talk, Mom. Debbie: But it's your dream, sweetheart, and that's allthat matters. [A six foot something, blue button-down shirt, bluejeans, beaten brown leather jacket, glasses guy comes in.Sandy hair, chin cleft. Emmett gets so distracted by thatguy that he runs into Michael's chair and stubs his toe.] Michael: Em, what are you looking? Em: At him. This glasses. I just love the boyish type. Vic: There's so much to learn between the covers. Em: So, what do you think? Vic: Mike? [He eats some food.] Michael: Huh? Vic: Gay or nay? Em: Mmmh, the jacket and the shoes, the classic stuff. Isay straight. Michael: Sandman, Batman, Superman. If he picks up anX-Men, I say he's gay. Vic: I've go with Michael. Comic sense over fashionsense. [The man goes to Debbie.] Man: Excuse me, I'm looking for Wonder Woman. Deb: You found her! Just kidding. You're looking for myson. He's the owner. Michael! You're got a customer! Michael: Hi, can I help you? Man: Yeah, yeah, I'm hope so. I'm looking for some comicbooks. Michael: Good thing you didn't go next door, or you wouldhave gotten Lebanese takeout. Anything particularly? Man: Yes, actually. I'm looking for works based on theirnarrative, their graphics, cultural references,subtextual points of view, that one might regard as -- Michael: Gay? [Behind them, Emmett accidentally rings the counterbell.] Man: Right. Right. Michael: Um, well let me see you're choices here. Can Imake some suggestions? Man: Please. Michael: You may try Alpha Flight No. 106, whereNorthstar takes in a boy with AIDS or a highly recommandX-Force No. 56, where Rictor and Shadowstar are describedas being 'more than friends.' There is one destiny you'relooking at. Man: Good. Vic: That's amazing how much Michael knows. Debbie: What can I say? My kid is a genius! [Art School. Dean Ryerson looksat some examples of Justin's latest works. Posters ofexploding heads, exploding cars, dismembered stuff, inharsh black, white, and red.] Dean: These drawings are, uh, very disturbing. Justin: That supposed to be. Dean: A quite different with the work you submitted whenwe accepted you. Justin: Well, I don't see things the same way. Dean: Professor Stanly tells me, you're using a computer. Justin: It's the only way I can work. Dean: We're expect our students are master thetraditional disciplines. Justin: Sometimes the traditional disciplines can be ahandicap, too. And as much as I'm not loose my hand, Ithough I can never be an artist again. But instead, thishas taught me new ways to be an artist -- ways that Inever would have thought of, otherwise. [Debbies kitchen. Debbie asksJustin. Everyone is in there. Around the table.] Debbie: So, what they say? Justin: All my application was approved. He said I canstay. [Everyone claps, cheers, and/or gets in line tohug/kiss.] Brian: What's with all the kissing? Are you trying toturn him straight? [He kisses Justin with deep passion.] Debbie: Oh, sh1t, they're going to do it right here. Vic: I'll get my camera. Mel: Better you go in a room. Michael: Save it for Ted's website. Ted: Yeah, if you didn't mind a few bucks. Brian: Don't put any ideas in his head. Vic: Or mine. Mel: Maybe we could do it. Help pay for the wedding.Whaddaya think, Teddy? Ted: Sure thing, Mel. Just draw yourself in a 9 inchcock... Lindsay: Can we just talk other than sx? For just a fewminutes? [They look at each other. Anyone? No?] Em: If the twink jerks off for more than eight hours,does he get overtime? [Justin gets up to clear the dishes.] Debbie: Don't you buzz here, honey! You aren't in thediner. Sit down. Justin: Okay. Never mind. Brian would you grab one? Brian: That? [He reaches to his croatch.] Justin: At the plate, please. Brian: Yes, dear. Debbie: Holy crap, they're like fcking newlyweds! Mel: I'll never thought I would live to see this. Lindsay: I think it's wonderful. Ted: Yeah. Ten bucks says they don't last a month. Vic: I give it three weeks. Michael: Call me romantic. Five. Em: I'll raise at ten and say... two. Mel: God, you're all pussies! Seventy-two hours! [Lindsay sees shocked to Mel.] Ted: Deb? Debbie: I don't put a price on people's happiness.Considering all they've been through, I'd think thattheir friends would vote for the house, instead ofagainst it. Ted: That's a good point. So, Linds, you're in or out? Lindsay: We have to go. Deb: Wait a minute. We have dessert. Lindsay: We must be home at nine. Mel! Mel: Sorry. Debbie: I made a pie! [In front of the house. Mel andLinds are all alone.] Mel: Linds? You're ok? Lindsay: I'm fine. Mel: Cramps? Lindsay: No! Mel: You're crankier than Gus when he needs a nap. Lindsay: I just need to get out of this all. Mel: I know Teddy's tchotchkes can you drive you crazy,too. Lindsay: This isn't about tchotchkes. This is about theconstant stream of sexual innuendo all evening. Andfrankly I didn't find a remorial at Ted's website atleast been amusing. Mel: But I wasn't serious! When did you become such aprude? Lindsay: I'm not a prude! OK, maybe I am. A little. Mel: A little. Lindsay: I don't understand people spreading their legsfor the whole world to see! The idea of anyone I knowbeing a part of it really bothers me. C'mon. [Mel rubs her hand thoughtfully over her chin.] [The Comic Book Store. The guyfrom yesterday's back.] Michael: Back so soon? And don't tell me you want throughall those comics I gave you already. Man: Yeah, well, I'm pretty fast. I mean, I read quickly.I don't waste a time. Life's too short. Who knows whatcould happen tomorrow -- or even five minutes from now? Michael: Uh, that's true. Is anything else I can help youwith? Man: Uh, yeah, I hope so. I should explain. My name isBen... Ben Bruckner. Michael: Michael. Novotny. Ben: I teach Gay Studies at Carnegie Mellon. Michael: I knew it! Ben: You knew what? Michael: With all that talk about cultural references, Iknew you had to be...uh, a professor. Ben: Oh, okay, anywhere we're exploring Homoerotic in thecultural from greek to... roman up to and including comiccultural, modern comic book cultur, so I'll do a littleresearch. Michael: Research, right. Got it. Let me see if I foundsomething else for you. Ben: Actually I already found what I want. Michael: Yeah? Ben: You. Michael: Me? Ben: Yeah, I'd like to come and speak to me class. Michael: [laughs] About what? Ben: Well, when it comes to comics you're obviously theexpert, so... Michael: I wouldn't say that. It's some known about sinceI were a kid. Ben: No, no, it's differently more than knowing. When youtalk about them, you have a passion. So, whaddaya say?Will you come? [All of a sudden, Mike's face fades into a comic bookpanel, and a little balloon pops up over his head, whichsays, "Oh, Ben, take me away with you!" Mikebounces back to reality.] Michael: Um, I'd love to come. [Grocery store. Brian stands atthe opposite end of a vegetable display from another guy.Brian picks up a zucchini. The other guy picks up alarger one. Brian's like, okay, and picks up an evenlarger zucchini. The other guy picks one up that's evenlarger than that. Brian picks up the biggest one of all.] Justin: Check it out. There got a second box of pennewith a coupon. Brian: You clip coupons?! Justin: Yeah. Until I save money. Brian: I didn't know you were so tight. Justin: [see the other man] Sure you did. Brian: Why you didn't take these two boxes of penne backand get one box of rigatoni. fck the fifty cents. Andbuy some Crisco, even if it's not on sale! Man#1: [to another] See that guy? That's Brian Kinney. Heused to be the hottest stud on Liberty Avenue. Now? He'sin a relationship. [JerkAtWork.net. Ted's going overthe books while Robbie looks over his shoulder.] Robbie: Did you include my expenses? Ted: What is you're expenses? Robbie: Body care lotion. Is was 8,50. Ted: You have a receive? [Robbie looking in his pocket.]Yeah, it's okay. I'll take you're word for it. OK,percentage of total subribers and you're time online atto you're base. Come to a grand total of... 18.72$. Robbie: Are you telling me I spend 8 hours wacking offfor 18 dollars? Ted: A lot of people do it for free, you know. Robbie: Yeah, but you said I gonna make like 500 $ a day. Ted: That was based on the third-quarter projectedearnings. Robbie: OK, what about this quarter? Ted: You know, when you commit to a fledgling enterprise,it's not about the money; it's about investing in thefuture and nurturing growth. Robbie: You know you can tell that to my dick, Ted.Because it's worn to a nub! Ted: Well, I know a good physical therapist. Robbie: Is that covered by the company health plan? Ted: Company health plan? Robbie: What about the 401k you was offered, too. Ted: OK, we need to discuss that. Robbie: You know, I know when somebody is jerking mearound. I quit. Ted: But you're walking out a golden opportunity here.We're around the grand floor of it, creating of indever. [he slams the door behind him.] [Justin and Daphne walk back tothe loft, sharing a joint. In public.] Daphne: My roommates, never pick up the clothes or makethe bed or ups wash the dish! Justin: We have a cleaning lady that comes by twice aweek. Daphne: I have to wait for hot water when I get to thebathroom. And when I got in there there's not hot waterleft. Justin: We're shower together to save water. Daphne: They're play the music to loud I can hear myselfthink. Justin: That sounds awful. Daphne: Yeah, it's wonderful. Justin: I'm glad to living with Brian. Daphne: Yeah, but don't get to comfortable. You don'tknow how long it lasts. Justin: Mmmh, that's what everbody says but he's changed.Like today. There is a really cute guy with the goatieand leather jacket at the shopping sale. Normally wewould left me in the checkout line. This time there evenleft. Daphne: Sounds like you check him out, too. Justin: I'm on my sexual peak. From here on in it is alldone here. [And Justin's so high, he almost passes the building.Daphne and Justin giggle all the way up to the loft andthrough the door, and Justin picks up a green apple offthe floor. They're still giggling when they find Brianhaving sx with Zucchini Man on the sofa. Then thegiggling stops. Justin tries to plaster an acceptingsmile on his face, but his eyes aren't having it.] [Liberty Diner. At the counter,Ted's working on his books, Mike's working on hislecture, and Emmett in the middle.] Em: I told you so. I tried to warn you. Didn't I try towarn him? Did I said or didn't I said something? But youwon't listen. Ted: If I don't come up with something quick I'm gonnaloose my condo, my car, my ass. Em: You are not listening. I might as well be aninvisible man. Or worse, a mime. Michael: He said I should start my speech with a joke.How about this one? How can you tell if a superhero isgay? His boots match his purse. Em: [laughs] Sounds funny. Ted: Not funny. Michael: It stinks. Em: OK, is no one going to acknowledge my presence? Ted and Michael: Can you pass the creme? [Emmett deliberately passes the cream to Ted and the jamto Mike. Mike and Ted look up and snort.] Ted: He never listens. [Debbie walks up with the coffee pot. About her T-Shirt"If you think my attitude stinks, you should smellmy fingers."] Deb: Okay, get 'em up, boys! The coffee cups, that is. [Brian shows up, kisses Mike on the cheek, grabs Emmettfirmly by the shoulders.] Brian: Good morning, Deb. A flop, two, sinkers, and somesuds. Ted: Flop, sinker. My life is a breakfast combo. Deb: Two eggs, a donut, and coffee for "Mr.Wonderful." Someone got lucky last night. [Mike starts to read his speech from a set of blue indexcards, which he holds up really close to his face.] Michael: Homoerotism in comic books. The male form isbeing worshiped from Mickeangelo to Captain Astro. Brian: [to Deb] What's he doin'? Deb: What's he doin'? Michael's given a lecture atCarnegie goddamn Mellon. That's what he's doin'! Brian: I'm impressed, Mikey. Next you'll be receivingyour honorary doctorate. Michael: I don't think so. Especially when the closestI've come to higher education is when I fcked thattextbook salesman from Cleveland. Ted: Well according my calculation I've got just enoughmoney left for my funeral. Em: Don't ask me to deliver the eulogy. No one wouldlisten. Brian: Deb! My breakfast! Deb: Workin' on it! [Justin pouts on over with Brian's donut.] Brian: Good morning, Sunshine. Justin: Can I get you something else? Brian: Uh, yeah. Come and think about it. [Brian tries to inhale Justin's face. Justin pulls away.] Justin: I've be late for class. [Mikesenses that something's up. Mike catches up with Justin outside.] Michael: Hey, you're mother teachin' to crossin' thegreen? What did he do now? Justin: Nothing! Michael: Cut the sh1t! I know that face. That's the'Brian Kinney just fcked me' face. Justin: Yeah, except it wasn't me he was fcking. It wassome other guy. At home on the fcking couch! Michael: Another hurricane off the coast of Florida,another earthquake in Peru -- so what else is new? Justin: I guess, I just though that now we're together... Michael: ...this things will be different. Brian is nevergonna change. You know that. Justin: Then why I am there? Michael: Maybe because you got bashed in the head and he feels guilty? [Justin runs away.] Sorry, I didn't mean for the sound like that! Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [Zee Gym. Shots of men doing bicep curls on a bench, one after another.] Ted: Eight thousand down the drain...nine thousand down the drain... Em: Stop fredding, Teddy. I have a plan. Ted: At this point, I am so desperate that I actuallystop what I'm doing, turn to you with a plaintiveexpression, and ask, 'You do?' Em: Of course! After you lose everything you have in theworld, you move in with Michael and me. We have aninflatable mattress and a spare key. Ted: Ten thousand down the drain...eleven thousand downthe drain. [Emmett sees Zack O'Tool across the room.] Em: OK, I have another idea. Ted: Does it involve begging at an off-ramp or sleepingin a cardboard box? Em: No, no. Actually it involves... [Ted's looking at Zack.] Ted: Zack O'Tool. Em: Remember how I told you that you needed somethingbigger? Maybe now you'll listen. [Emmettand Ted trot over to join the crowd of men surroundingthe massive p0rn star. Emmett pushes his way through.] Em: Zack, so good to see you again. Ted: Did you really expect a p0rn star of his magnet toremember you? Em: Well, maybe he'll remember this. [He opens up his mouth really wide.] Zack: Oh, yeah. You were the guy who was supposed to blowme. Ted: Yeah and I'm the guy who paid you to do it. Em: So, what brings you to town? Zack: Workin' on my new film. It's a football epic."Backsides in Motion". Jerk it off. Em: Well, I love anything with shoulder pads. So... Zack: I got to go. [TheSteam Room. Naked men wander around, dick shots abound,etc. Ted and Emmett peer around the corner to stare atO'Tool.] Em: Didn't I tell you that he was even bigger in person?It's huge. Ted: It's gargantuan. Em: It's just what you need. He need what everbody needs.C'mon. [They sit down on either side of Zack.] Em: Hey Zack. Ted: Hay Zack. Zack: Now what? Em: Well, my friend has this live website... Zack: I'm not interested. Em: Oh well, since you have a legend of fans... Zack: Not interested. Ted: What better to plug your new picture? Zack: Whacking off on the web is for amateurs, boys. Em: We give you a thousand bucks, and a limousine,champagne and, uh, you're own personal fluffer. Ted: [whispers] What did you saying? That will cost me afortune. Em: Would you rather lose one? Ted: So, Zack, how would you like to share your memberwith our members? [Brian drives Mike to CarnegieMellon in his jeep.] Michael: Sexy, perfect body, aloof, desirable, yetunattainable. Brian: Okay, that's enough about me. Michael: I was refering about Silver Surfer. This speechis for sh1t. Brian: Why did you agree? Michael: The professor is very cute. Brian: Really? Michael: Oh, you can put that idea right out of you'remind, mister. I saw him first. Besides you're living withsomeone. Brian: He's living with me. Michael: Whatever. Either way, you're all comfy and cozy.Except when you're fcking other guys. Brian: Who I fck is out of you're business or his. [When they pull up to the school, Mike panics.] Brian: Get out. Michael: What the fck is the matter with you? Brian: This is it. Michael: This is a really damn idea. C'mon, let's go outof here. Brian: Don't be pathetic. You made a commitment, nowyou're gonna go through with it. Michael: Like you know about making commitment. Brian: This why I never do. Michael: What if I make fool about myself? Brian: Who gives a sh1t -- it's fcking college! Now, goshow the frat boys what real men are made of, and get mesome phone numbers while you're at it. Bye! [On hisway to class, Mike tries not to be intimidated by hissurroundings. Following behind him are three students,one of whom is reading the title of Mike's lecture.] Student#1: Homoeroticism Themes and Imagery as Depictedin the Graphic Novel. Student#2: You mean a comic book. Student#1: I can just picture the big essay question onthe final: compare and contrast Michel Foucault withBatman and Robin! Student#2: [laughs] How can you compare homoeroticimagery in comic books with Gide and Genet? Student#3: Proust or Wilde? Student#1: Baldwin or Williams? Student#2: Who's giving this lecture anyway? Spiderman? Student#3: There is this guy who rent a comic book store. Student#1: Well, he should be a real brain trust. [Everyone laughs derisively as they walk in the door tothe lecture hall. Mike's pretty much frozen at theentrance.] [Mel and Lindsay's House.Lindsay's on the couch, eating cookies and rippingpictures out of bridal magazines. Melanie comes home fromwork. Lindsay gives her a big hug and kiss.] Lindsay: So, what do you think? Sexy, timeless. Mel: Gee, you want wearing wedding dresses? Lindsay: What else? Mel: Well, we could always wear strap-ons, and getmarried on Ted's website. Lindsay: I don't think that's funny. How could a nice,intelligent person do something like that? C'mon let's gothose magazines together. Mel: Alright. [Melanie leaves the room for a second and returns with abig cardboard box.] Lindsay: What do you doing? Mel: After I came out, in fact I was in college my dadcut my off. He told me that he never want to see meagain. And I figured that I had to find a way to supportmyself. But you know how Jewish parents are. 'Forever'turned out to be three weeks. By then I made up enough topay for the rest of the year's tuition and the next. [Mel come out with the Oui magazine. That's a magazine offemale pornography.] Mel: It's not exactly modern bride. [Lindsay takes the issue Mel offers her and thumbsthrough it cautiously. And there Melanie is, buck naked,tummy sucked in, back arched, and lips pursed, fingersintwined in a string of pearls.] Lindsay: Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god, Mel! [The dungeon.] Ted: 503 people already logged on to see Zack O'Tool. Em: Is that good? Ted: Do the math. 29.95 times 503 is 15.000 dollars.Yeah, this is very, very good. Em: And all want to see Zack wack. When he's gettin'here? Ted: Any minute now. Em: You know, Teddy, I'm so proud of you. You took yourdream, grabbed it by the balls, shaved them, and made itcome true. [phone rings.] Ted: JerkAtWork.net see Zack O'Tool wack. Hello? [On the other end, The Zack is only wearing football padsand his really long dick.] Zack: Hello? Tad? Ted: No, this is Ted. Zack? Zack: Yeah, yeah. I'm here on set. We're running a littlebehind... Ted: What, what do you mean a little behind? Zack: I'm about to do my big scene where I ream the teamfor fumbling their balls. Ted: I mean, we could start a little later. Zack: The director's calling. I've got my big wide shot. Ted: Zack! Zack: Look, you know Ted, no I can't make it. Thanks. [hehangs up.] Em: Teddy, what is it? Ted: I've got 503 horny cyber geeks waiting to see ZackO'Tool jacking the beanstalk, only he's not coming! Atleast not here. What I am gonna do? Em: My offers still stands the inflatable bed and thespare key still stands are yours. [Ted looks over at Emmett for a sec.] Ted: Get on the bed. Em: Excuse me? Ted: I said get on the bed! Em: What for? Ted: Whattaya think? The show must go on! Em: Ted, are you crazy? Ted: You like jerk it off, don't you? I mean you do itanyway. Em: Yes, but not in front of hundreds of people. Besidethey're sign in to see Zack O'Tool, not me. Ted: It doesn't matter. At this point, a dick's a dick.And you're the only dick I've got! Here! [Ted throws a bottle of lube at him.] Em: Y'know, I'm sorry Teddy, every friendship, even oneas deep and as close as ours, has its limitations. Ted: I'll paying you what I pay Zack O'Tool. Em: Then again if you can you're friend a favor. [In Brian's loft, Justin isdrawing on the computer. Brian comes up behind him andstarts to nuzzle his neck.] Justin: Stop! Brian: Why? What have you something better to do? Justin: Homework? Brian: Well, I'm in a really sh1t trouble. You're notstill upset about the Zucchini Man, are you? I don't evenremember it or him. It was nothing. Justin: I know. It's just you being you. I know who youare. I don't expect you to change, in fact, I don't evenwant you to. Brian: Then what? Justin: Why am I here? Brian: One night you're mommy and daddy want to make ababy... Justin: You know what I'm mean. It's just you feel guiltyabout what happened? [Pause] Answer me. Answer me! If Ihadn't get bash in the hat would I even be here? [Brian doesn't have a quick enough answer to that, andJustin picks up his stuff and stalks off.] [Mike's closing the store. Bencomes up.] Ben: Hey Michael. I was trying to catch you. Michael: Well, you caught me. Ben: Yeah, the class waitin' for you. You never showed. Michael: Yeah, the thing is I was really busy. I had youjust called. I'm sorry. Ben: But I'd like to reschedule. How's Thursday? Michael: Well, I'm starting a new business. I don't thinkI have the time. Ben: Yeah, uh, I think I understand. It was an impositionin the first place. Michael: Wait, wait. Look. The truth is I'm not Brainiac. Ben: Well wait, one of Superman's arch-villains, am Iright? See, I'm learning. Michael: I'm impressed. Standing in front of a bunch ofcollege students pretending that I know something isbullshit! Ben: Why is it bullshit, Michael? Michael: Because the Justice League of America isn'texactly Proust or Foucault, or whoever the fck they are. Ben: You could tell them something. What you know is justas valuable. You have this incredible knowledge of gaysemiotics that you don't even realize. Michael: Gay what? Ben: Never mind, it is no matter. The point is you havethis... Michael: Passion? Ben: Irradiate it. It's like the Flynn. Michael: Well, that must be why...I'm a little hot. [The dungeon.] Ted: No, no, they're bailing fast. Em: Well, what did you expect? Signing up to see ZackO'Tool and instead they get me. They screaming for therunning back. Ted: And I'm gonna give it to them unless you start doin'something! [Emmett lamely waves at the camera.] Ted: Take something off! [Emmett gingerly unbuttons his shirt.] Ted: Better. Take off you're goddamn pants! Em: Alright! [Emmett turns his back to the camera, cautiously takesoff his pants and strips down to his black bikiniunderwear.] Ted: And now you're undies. Good, right. 180 and holding.I think we've stopped the bleeding. Em: What do I do now? Ted: What do you mean? You grab your pud and you pull! [Emmett slowly turns around to face the camera.] Ted: It's starting to grow up. Em: So am I. Ted: Holy sh1t! Em: What? What? Ted: You're bigger than O'Tool! Our subscriber are to,250. OK, keep stroking! Em: I always told you I was a grower, not a show-er. Whatwaiting for me to shoot? Ted: Not yet. Em: How much longer? Ted: 530! Now, now, now! Go, go, go. Shoot, shoot, shoot! [He shoots all over himself.] Ted: Emmett, that's amazing. That is amazing! No one'sever going to know that you used the jizzball. Ted: What jizzball? [Ben's classroom. Mike finallygets to give his lecture.] Michael: The male figure has been worshipped fromMichelangelo's David all the way to Captain Astro. [There's even a slide show behind him, showing variouscomic book heroes.] Michael: The strength and musculare... [he stopps] ofthe... of the... [Ben nods at him reassuringly. Mike gives his head ashake and sighs.] Michael: I'm sorry, you know what? I haven't a clue whathomoeroticism in literature means, I just know that TheFlash looks good in tights. I start reading Flash andSuperman and Captain America when I was just a kid. Atfirst, because it was fun. I liked the stories, and Iliked the pictures. It was a great escape from all theshit -- uh, sorry, the stuff that was bugging me. And mymom didn't want me to read them. But later at I'mrealised that... later as I'm realised that I was gay Iread them for a different reason. Because, in ways thatmaybe were not intended, these superheroes were a lotlike me. You know, at work they were meek andunderappreciated. They were the guys that never getlaid... [students laughs] And when they're around otherpeople, they can't let anybody get too close for fearthat their true identities would be discovered. Withinall the villians and the monsters and the evil forcesthat are trying to destroy them somehow they're survived.Even the one thing that can kill Superman, one thingwhich he has no immunity, cryptonit, altermately you knowthat he'll survive that and he'll go on and safe theworld. I believe the same about us. That's what thecomics have shown me -- that despite everything, we'llsurvive. And we'll win. But back to the guy in thetights. [class laughs and so Ben.] [It's raining in Pittsburgh, andJustin shows up on Debbie's doorstep, drenched to thebone.] Debbie: Sunshine! What are you doin' here? Justin: You haven't rent my old room, yet? Debbie: No, come in here. [Cut to Brian at Woody's.] Debbie: Hasn't the kid went through enough that you causehim more pain? Brian: Stay out of it! Debbie: The fck I will! I care about him, all you careabout is you're... Brian: ...getting my dick sucked. I think that form isestablished. Now Debbie move on from there. Debbie: Look, all I want is... Brian: ...to interfere? Debbie: You can call whatever the fck you want. I don'twant Justin hurt. Brian: Well, that's life, isn't it? Surprise! Debbie: You think you have everybody fooled, don't ya?But not me, honey. I've known you too long. Andregrettably, too well. And no matter how hard you triedto deny it I can tell you care as much about him as hecares about you. Only you haven't the big hairy ball tosay it. Brian: Oh, maybe I can borrow your's? Debbie: Whatever it takes. To admit that you love him.And I know you do. Despite all your efforts to never letanother heart touch yours, that assume you have one. Thatlittle persistent kid has somehow gotten under the wire.And that's what happen, huh? Admit the truth. You lovehim, don't ya? [Pause] I though so. Then tell him. Tellhim what you could never say to Michael. [Babylon!] Ted: Hey, how about a drink after this hard day work? [Ted hands out flyers for the website to all the Hotties,one of whom is checking Emmett out.] Em: What that incredible cute guy crusing me? Ted: Not just cruising. He's in maximum overdrive. Man#1: Excuse me, what that you today on the website? Ted: Oh yeah, it was. And come back and see him onJerkAtWork.net soon. Man#1: You're performance was really inspiring. You mindsigning this for me? Em: Oh, ok. To Christopher. Thanks for being such...a bigfan..I hope I can live up to it. All my best...love andluck...Emmett. Honeycutt. Man#1: Wow, thanks. [The man leaves them.] Ted: My little star. We've get you a p0rn name. Em: What's wrong with Emmett Honeycutt? Ted: No, p0rn lore has it that you're supposed to takethe name of your childhood pet, and add the street thatyou grew up on. Em: My favourite mutch war Fetch. Ted: And the street? Em: We live at the corner of Nathan and Dixon. Ted: Fetch Dixon. A star is...p0rn. [The Happy Fun Bedroom. Lindsayflips through another bridal magazine. She decides tocheck out that issue of Oui instead, and flips straightto Melanie's pictures. Melanie eventually catches Lindsaymasturbating to them.] Mel: I though you didn't like p0rn. Lindsay: And I like even less thinking about all thosestrange men, and even a few women, looking at you. Mel: It was a long time ago before I knew you. Lindsay: Why you didn't have ever told me? Mel: It's not something really boost about. I practicallyforget about it. Lindsay: I doesn't like having any secrets. There aren'tmore, are there? [Mel shakes her head and pulls off her tank top.] Mel: I swear. What about you? Lindsay: Well, there was that time I was a hooker inAlaska. But that was only a summer job. Mel: I used to have a pretty hot bod. Lindsay: You still do. Mel: Why settle for a magazine when you can have the realthing? [Babylon! In grainy black andwhite, no less. From the balcony, Brian watches Justinmake out with an Hottie on the dance floor.] Brian: Hey. Justin: Hey. Brian: [to the hottie] Hey, fck off! Justin: What do you want? Brian: You were right. The reason I took you in was thatyou took a bat to the head. But that's not the reasonthat I want you to stay. But don't get the idea we'resome married couple. Cause we're not. We're not, like,fcking straight people. We're not like you're parents.And we're not a parent dykes marching on the fareways.We're queers, and if we're together, it's because we wantto be, not because there's matching locks on our doors.So if I'm out just assume I'm doin' exactly what I wantto doin'. I'm fcking. And when I come home, I'm alsodoing what I want to be doing. Coming home to you. Justin: OK, I want some things too. You can f*ck whoeveryou want, as long as it is not twice. Same for me. And nonames or numbers exchanged. And no matter where you are,no matter what you're doin' you always come home. Say 2. Brian: 4. Justin: 3 AM. One more thing. You don't kiss anyone elseon the mouth but me. [In response, Brian gives him a big old heartstopper of akiss.] [At Ben's home. Ben brings Mike abeer, and a book.] Michael: Thanks. Ben: Oh, I've got something else for ya. Michael: R-U-1-2? R-U-1-2, I get it! You're wrote this?You wrote a book? Ben: Yes, yes, it's me first and last novel. Which thereviewer called "a noble effort from a fresh newvoice." There was on the remainder table soonafterward. Michael: I didn't nobody who wrote a book before. Ben: Open it. Michael: "To Michael. Beneath his mild-manneredappearance beats the heart of a superhero. Ben." Idon't know what to say. [He gives Ben a hug.] Ben: So, where were we? Michael: About this. [They start making out. Kissing. Unbuttoning each other'sshirts. Pants. But Ben suddenly pulls away! Mike'sconfused.] Ben: Hey, hey, Michael. Wait a minute. Michael: What for? Ben: I just want you to know that... I'm HIV-positive. End.
doc_225	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Freya: If this prophecy is fulfilled, you will all fall... One by friend, one by foe, and one by family. I suspect Niklaus is with your sister. Wherever you go, Aurora follows. I knew you would find me. Hello, my sweet love. I'm here for the same reason Lucien and Tristan are, to protect my sire. I need to know... Where in the hell is Rebekah? Rebekah: I will use the advantages this body has while I search for a way to bring back Kol, and then who knows? Marcel: My guys stayed on Tristan's trail, followed him to a secret storehouse, and you'll never guess who just bought that storehouse. One Lucien Castle. They've been working together the whole time. In the wrong hands, this stuff could destroy the city. Property of Nola PD. Evidence in a murder case. From the forensics from tonight's crime scene, only prints on the victim are yours. Cami O'Connell, you're under arrest. Aurora: In the moments before you asked me to flee with you, I saw your brother. He's lied to us all. And yet I love him. You must only see him as the wretched monster that he truly is. What you did to Aurora, to me. You set my course! You want a fight, so be it. [SCENE_BREAK] Aurora: What are you doing over there? Come closer. Klaus: I think it's best you remain out of arm's reach. (Sighs) Aurora: So I take it you've heard about the busy day everyone's had. Let me take away that scowl. I'll tell you everything I know. [SCENE_BREAK] (Church bells ringing) Rebekah: I told you this was better than exchanging stuffy, old letters. Freya: Well, a drink with my sister beats sire line drama any day. Rebekah: Lucien's always been a pain in the ass, though he pails compared to that stuck-up twit Tristan. Freya: Oh, and don't forget about The Strix. There's more of them in the quarter every day. I may yet join you here in the flesh. Rebekah: Well, I would love the company, but I might not be here much longer. I have a meeting with a Santeria witch who may know the key to bringing back Kol. Freya: We may unite the family after all. Rebekah: Now tell me, how are you managing with them? Freya: Oh, Niklaus and Elijah are on intermittent speaking terms, which I've decided to consider progress. Rebekah: Just wait, luv. The weather will change. Now I am off to a witch rendez-vous. Freya: Stay safe. Rebekah: Here's to family, every bloody one of us. Rebekah: A warning, sir. If you're looking for trouble, you might want to think twice. Aya: That's the problem with a witch's body. You can't put up much of a fight when the real monsters come out. [SCENE_BREAK] (Footsteps) Elijah: Aagh! (Thump) Freya: May I ask what happened? Klaus: We had a little chat about the past. Elijah: I politely informed Niklaus that I'm not his enemy, and though they entered the city under the guise of peace, Tristan and Lucien in truth are allied against us, a fact that required a little bit of gentle persuasion. Klaus: And so I reminded our brother who angered them in the first place. Freya: And after all of this civil discourse, what understanding did you come to? Elijah: That we expose and destroy our first sired. Klaus: Couldn't agree with you more. You see, gentlemen know when it's time to call a truce and turn our fury in a more pertinent direction. [SCENE_BREAK] Will: Come on. For someone always giving me an earful, that was a very quite ride. Cami: What do you want me to say, detective? Well done! The streets of New Orleans are safe. Will: What I'd love to hear is a confession. It would make my job easier. Cami: I am not a serial killer, and while you're wasting time with me, the real murderer is still out there. Will: Well, if I'm missing something, show me. Prove to me you're the victim, and I will protect you. Lucien: Ah, ah, ah, ah. A cold-blooded killer? Camille, what a shocking turn of the cards! Cami: (Gasps) Ahh. Will: You should rest. We've got a big day ahead of us. Lucien: There we are. [SCENE_BREAK] Hey, Davina. It's me. I, um... I'm running a little late. I should be there soon. On second thought, I'll be a little longer. (Clattering) You're not very good at tailing, are you? My talents lie elsewhere. Ah! Unh! Aah! (Groans) (Chokes) (Growls) Agh! [SCENE_BREAK] Elijah: Ah, yes. Drinking with Rebekah. Always an adventure. (Grunts) Freya: You seem more annoyed than usual. Elijah: It's Aurora. Her influence frightens me, and yet our hideously deluded brother seems to believe that she might be the key to ending this wretched prophecy. Freya: If she's aligned with her brother, what chance does Nik have? Elijah: None. Still, Niklaus believes that she can be swayed, although his perspective of family loyalty is schizophrenic at best. Freya: Well, I don't get why Lucien and Tristan are working together. Aren't their sire lines direct enemies? Elijah: Well, a mutual lack of goodwill toward our family might not be entirely unjustified. Hatred's a hell of a thing, Freya. Freya: Why? All you did was sire them. They don't seem to be complaining. Elijah... What exactly did you do? Elijah: I compelled Lucien to believe that he was Niklaus, Aurora to believe that she was Rebekah, and Tristan myself... After I'd sired him of course. This had been a period of mayhem for us. It was the 11th century, father was hunting us mercilessly, so I compelled them, and then I told them to run. Freya: You made them bait. Elijah: Not the kindest thing I ever did, if I'm perfectly Frank with you, Freya. So while we found respite in the sleepy, yet charming vineyards of Tuscany, father hunted the decoy Mikaelson children to the far reaches of Europe for the better part of a century. Then we were inconveniently daggered. The compulsion was broken, here we are. How's the head? Freya: Spinning. I don't think it's the hangover. Elijah: Freya, something you must understand about this family. Under threat, we take action, for better or worse, whatever it takes to protect our own. Freya: So you're telling me their days are numbered. Elijah: If indeed they're working against us, yes, without question. Perhaps a little hair of the dog might be more effective, wouldn't you say? What is it? Freya: Something's wrong. We need to call Rebekah now. [SCENE_BREAK] (Jazz playing) Aurora: What a lovely necklace. That emerald would really flatter my eyes, don't you think? Woman: I think my necklace would flatter your eyes. Aurora: Thank you. You shouldn't have. Klaus: Will you be taking candy from a toddler next? Aurora: If I should happen to be in the mood for something sweet. Klaus: Come with me. And don't worry. I promise I won't bite. Aurora: So am I to receive a stern talking to for my poor behavior? Klaus: On the contrary. I've cleared my calendar for the day. I want to show you my city. Aurora: Is this your attempt to discern whose side I'm on. Klaus: I'd love to know whose side you're on, but it would be rude of me to ask such blunt discourse from so beautiful a woman without first buying her lunch. Wouldn't you agree? Aurora: Well, it does seem like most men have lost their manners these days. That shall be lovely. Klaus: Heh. [SCENE_BREAK] (Moans) Lucien: I took the liberty of removing your handcuffs... Unless you're the type that likes to be restrained. Please take it. Consider it an apology for the rough start to our day. I see no reason we cannot begin anew. Cami: I only drink with friends, and, unless this isn't abundantly clear, I don't like you. Lucien: Fair enough. Later on, I Hope you'll remember this all could have gone so much easier. Detective Kinney, come on in and start cutting up the mirepoix. Cami: You compelled him? Kinney: What the hell is going on? Lucien: Why don't you focus on the cutting? We don't want you to lose any fingers while we talk. Did you know that Will's mother's side is full of chefs? He's going to make us his grandmother's Grillades and Grits I took the liberty of texting your nosey friend Vincent on your behalf. After leaving police care without incident, he believes you have a date with "the real housewives" at home in your PJs. Cami: What the hell kind of point are you trying to make? Lucien: Detective, do me a favor. Throw your blade at her pretty face. Cami: Ohh! Lucien: Now that I have your attention, my point is simple. I'm looking for a particular dark object, a small bronze medallion with runic markings. Since you're on vervain, I'm going to ask nicely that you help me find it. Should you refuse, the parlor tricks will get increasingly less fun. Carry on. There's a girl. [SCENE_BREAK] Elijah: She's still not answering. Freya: Touve mon se kavo. Touve mon se kavo. There's nothing to connect to. She's gone. Elijah: What do you mean she's gone? Freya: I can't find her, which means her witch body, her connection to magic, it's as if it just vanished. [SCENE_BREAK] Rebekah: (Gasps) Bloody hell. Rebekah: Not only did you slit my throat, you stole my bloody phone. (Footsteps) Aya: Hello, Rebekah. Rebekah: Aya, of course. Elijah's little protege. Let me guess. You were tasked with finding my Original body, you couldn't do your job, so you did this to my other one to lure me out. Clever but ill-advised. You see, I needed that body, and now you owe me a hell of a lot more than an apology. Aya: I don't owe you anything. I'm here to claim the unattended Mikaelson. I only had chains enough for one of you. Rebekah: Heh. Is that all you brought? Aya: I met your special friend... Marcel Gerard. It's been amusing getting to know him. Maybe I'll send him one of your heads as a souvenir. Rebekah: Enough with the idle chit-chat. Are you gonna throw the first punch or what? Aya: Respect my elders. You first. [SCENE_BREAK] Lucien: Mmm. I find the Cajun cuisine almost as delicious as their people. Well done, William. Kinney: Not like I had a choice. Lucien: Hmm. Kinney: The moment I do, I'm gonna use this knife, I'm gonna stab you in the heart. Cami: You couldn't if you tried. You've been compelled to do everything he says. It's like hypnosis. Vampires use it against humans to do their bidding. Kinney: We're using the "V" word now? Great. Might as well embrace the insanity. What else you gonna force us to do? Lucien: Well, Camille here consumes vervain, so I can't force her to do anything, but in exchange for preventing future bloodshed, I'd ask that you find me that pretty, little medallion. Cami: Like I've told you, I have cataloged everything. What you're looking for is not here. Lucien: It's there. Just hidden, built into something else. Find it! Cami: And then what? Some shiny ornament helps you get your revenge on Klaus? Don't tell me this is all because he stole your girl. Lucien: He did a lot more than steal my girl, Camille. He stole 100 years of my life. Now that gives me a thought. Loss is a great motivator. Slice open your arcuate artery. Cami: No! Kinney: Ugh! Lucien: Ooh. That's a nasty wound. He'll bleed out if that's not treated. Tick-tock, Camille. [SCENE_BREAK] Aurora: Mmm. That was delicious. Klaus: I aim to please. Aurora: No. Darling, you aim to suck me dry of information, but you fed me well, so I suppose I owe you a favor. What would you like to know? Klaus: Well, it's quite simple really. I find being in your company again wonderfully intoxicating. So my question is do you feel the same? Aurora: Nik, I am not your enemy, nor Rebekah's. After all, she's my sire, but I do hate Elijah, given what he's done to me and to you. Klaus: So you choose to ally with the brother who locked you in a prison and the stable boy who, until now, was always so far beneath you? Aurora: You know, the 3 of us spent one hundred years working together and running together, believing we were the Mikaelsons, and you knew your father. It was no easy task to avoid him, and yet we survived, and when the compulsion ended, it was as if someone had peeled off our skin. We lost everything of who we were and what we'd become in a single moment, and even though we now knew we were little more than an elaborate red herring, Mikael was still after us, so Tristan swore he wouldn't rest until we made you pay. So the 3 of us swore a pact of vengeance. For centuries, we scoured the world looking for weapons that would kill the lot of you, but Lucien and Tristan never quite got over their hatred of one another. Klaus: Seems a little short-sighted. If my family dies, so do all of you. Aurora: Well, that's the beautiful mystery, isn't it? I... I think I'd like dessert. Perhaps you can take me for a walk, show me what it is you like about this strange, little city. [SCENE_BREAK] Hayley: You might remember him from that pretentious excuse for a party. Marcel: Shen Min. 800 years old. According to Tristan, he was a torture consultant for genghis Khan. Hayley: I don't care if he's a gemini who likes long walks on the beach, Marcel. Why was he following me? Marcel: I don't know. Hayley: You don't know, or you're sworn to the code of silence. Marcel: Hey. Easy. We're on the same side here. Hayley: Then prove it. [SCENE_BREAK] Mikaelson blood tracks Mikaelson blood. I should be able to find her. I don't understand. Why bring Rebekah into this? They want all 3 sires. Tristan and Lucien kept us occupied here while they hunted Rebekah. She's strong. She cannot be killed. The prophecy says otherwise. Sang bis najitt trouver. Sang bis najitt trouver. Sang bis najitt trouver. Sang bis najitt trouver. [SCENE_BREAK] Unh! You're a bit out of sorts. Been in a coffin for 6 months. I'm just getting warmed up. Besides, I think I'm in the lead, not that anyone's keeping score. I guess I should be flattered. I can't leave you alone for 5 minutes. Menedek qual suurentaa. (Necks snapping) Not bad. Now what? Run. [SCENE_BREAK] Lucien: Hasn't yet. The hunt continues. Cami: How you holding up? Kinney: Well, I'm gushing blood into a bucket because the vampire who kidnapped us doesn't want to stain his floor, so pretty great. Cami: I got you into this mess. The least I can do is stop the bleeding. Kinney: No. Don't beat yourself up. I'm tenacious. Would have gotten into this mess with or without you. Cami: (Gasps) Kinney: I have a feeling you shouldn't come any closer. More tricks from Mr. Transylvania. This is what happened to your brother, isn't it? Your family got mixed up in the supernatural world. Someone made him do something he never would have done. No one should have to go through that. Listen. I... I have a sister. If I don't make it... Cami: No. We're walking out of this. Kinney: At this point, limping out of this is gonna be a challenge. Cami: I still have leverage. I'm the only one who can find what Lucien needs, so let's find it. [SCENE_BREAK] Aurora: Why would you bring me here? It's so morbid. Klaus: They call these graveyards The Cities of the Dead, elevated mausoleums meant to honor those who've passed on. It's a very human attempt to overcome fear of mortality by celebrating death. Morbid, certainly, but pure. Aurora: Oh. Pure. Like your intentions. Klaus: My intentions are quite the opposite. How about yours? Aurora: Hmm. You know... Over the long centuries, I would dream of you, my bright light in an ocean of darkness, a kindred whose despair mirrored my own and whose love brought me a joy I had not felt and have never felt since. But if only it were real, this charming stroll through your melancholy preoccupations, but I know it's really an interrogation under the guise of pleasantries. Klaus: My desire for answers is only fair. We are on the brink of war, but if you doubt the veracity of my feelings for you... Then our tour has one final stop. [SCENE_BREAK] Elijah: She can't stay there. Rebekah cannot fight them alone. I tried. She's of no mood to listen. Perhaps you'll have better luck. (Cell phone vibrating) Elijah: It's Marcel. Your timing's perfectly horrendous. Marcel: Yeah? Well, I need your help. Hayley caught one of Tristan's guys tailing her, knocked him out, brought him to the gym for a little Q&A. Problem is, it's Shen Min. Elijah: Marcellus, do I need to remind you that Shen Min was know as the Red Sorrow before he was a vampire? You execute him immediately. Elijah. (Humming) So what, you gonna sleep all day? Elijah: Before he wakes, tear that heart from his chest. Sang bis najitt trouver. Sang bis najitt trouver. Rebekah: It's good to see you, Elijah, even if you're not flesh and blood. Elijah: It's time to come home, Rebekah. Rebekah: No. I'm too close to bringing Kol back. Elijah: You're even closer to bringing about your own destruction. Rebekah: I'm not leaving without that spell. Kol will have to wait, sister. The Strix are making their move. Rebekah: What happened? Elijah: Hayley had an encounter with Shen Min. She and Marcel are dealing with this matter accordingly. Rebekah: What the hell are you doing here? Go and save them before that lunatic gets free! Elijah: Give me your word. Come home now. No detours. Rebekah: Fine, but my niece's mum and that handsome fool better be alive when I get back. Elijah: You make certain she returns. I'll see you tonight. [SCENE_BREAK] Hayley: Hmm. About time. Now we can get started. Shen Min: Yes, we certainly can. Hayley: There's still time. If you talk, maybe I'll even get you healed. Why were you following me? Shen Min: Because we have a use for you, or is it some other reason? You'll never know, and it won't matter because when I get free, I'm going to break your jaw as you did mine and slowly pull your intestines out from your body. Marcel: Hey. How about we just calm down? Shen Min: And you. The others were so pleased when you joined our ranks, but I knew from the start you were filth. You've proven it by siding against us. For that, I will end you, but not before you watch her die, screaming. Marcel: Right. Well, ok. That's about enough of that. Sorry, Hayley. Your turn's over. He's got to die. Unh! Marcel: Take him. Unh! Agh! Agh! Shen Min: How poetic. Two warriors fighting side by side dying together. Unh! (Gasping) Elijah: Are you ok? Marcel: Oh, I'm fine. Thank you for asking. Elijah: Marcellus, next time I ask you to take out the trash... Try not to dally. [SCENE_BREAK] Rebekah, we have to go. I'll get you on the first flight out. Rebekah: I can't give up now, not when the answers to bringing out brother back are just a few streets away. You promised Elijah. Rebekah: And what about my promise to Kol? I've already lost my witch body. I can't go home with nothing. Well, I suppose arguing with you would be a waste of already precious time. Rebekah: See? You're fitting into this family like a glove. [SCENE_BREAK] Aurora: So is this your family home? Klaus: Please forgive the detritus. My brother and I had a slight disagreement over you, as a matter of fact. Aurora: Oh! A duel in my honor. How chivalrous, but I'm afraid if this is what you wish to show me, it's... Klaus: If you want to know what's been in my heart for the past few centuries, come with me. [SCENE_BREAK] Klaus: Life is like a city, built in layers. No matter what new experiences come along, the foundation remains. (Gasps) Aurora: What is this? Klaus: 200 yeas ago, it was my art studio. It became a tomb for my memory of you. I thought if I painted what haunted me I could free myself of you forever. In all my years, I have never been more wrong about anything. [SCENE_BREAK] Marcel: Between blood loss and that bite, I'm not sure you have enough time to get answers. Elijah: Then let's make the most of it. I have questions. I want answers. Why were you following Hayley? Shen Min: I was ordered to remove her from the playing field. She is an obstacle to the thing we truly want. Elijah: Which is what? Shen Min: Davina Claire. Elijah: What do you want with Davina Claire? Shen Min: Tristan needs her to activate a weapon to use against your family. Elijah: What weapon? Forgive me. I'm having a little difficulty hearing you right now. Speak. Shen Min: I'd... Rather... Die. (Daylight ring clatters) [SCENE_BREAK] Lucien: Have you found it yet? Because as far as deadlines go, well, yours seems almost dead. Cami: You've made your point. You win, humans lose. Now let him go. Lucien: So you have found it? Cami: Maybe. I'll only show you if you heal him now. Lucien: Show me first. Cami: Heal him. It's ok. You can drink it. It will heal you. I've checked everywhere else. This is the only place it could be. Lucien: Aah! Ohh! Ohh! I can see why Nik is so fond of you. You do have spirit, but your heart skipped a beat just before I healed your friend. I think you know exactly where my medallion is, you crafty girl. Knife to your throat, mate. Cami: No. Don't do this, please. Lucien: Are you trying to appeal to my merciful side? I hate to tell you, darling, I don't have one. Kinney: Don't give him a damn thing! Lucien: Oh, enough! Go on. Slit your... Cami: Wait! Take it. Just take it. It's in here. Lucien: Heh. Had it all along. How about that? Turns out we make quite a team. [SCENE_BREAK] (Moroccan music playing) Rebekah: There it is. This has got to be it. Freya: If you were told to meet this witch here, where is she? Rebekah: Doesn't matter to me as long as I get what I need. This is it. This is the spell. It makes perfect sense. Now all we need is Kol's ashes and the blood of two siblings. Freya: Rebekah, we need to go now. (Door opens) Rebekah: Took you long enough. Mithil rata dans hofos. Mithil rata dans hofos. Mithil rata dans hofos. What the hell is going on? Aya: A fitting end to a spoiled bitch. Rebekah: (Grunts) Clearly you didn't get the hint earlier. You can't beat me! Aya: Maybe not, but she can. Lem duree mohana. No! Gratuit fra loke! (Voices whispering) No. No. Aya: Your magic has no power here. Only our witch can cast spells. How tragic, that you and your sister must say your farewells like this. I can't decide. Should I make you watch as she screams for mercy or leave you wondering just how badly she suffered? If you hurt her, I will rip your l... unh! Rebekah: You lured me all this way, and the whole time, it was a lie. Aya: Not at all. The spell is very real. I wanted to enjoy the look on your face when I took it from you. Not to worry, luv. This won't kill you. It's just meant to put you to sleep for a very, very long time. Rebekah: And when I wake up, you will be the first person that I kill. Aya: I won't hold my breath, but you're more than welcome to try. (Grunting) Aya: Now time to get you back to New Orleans. [SCENE_BREAK] Lucien: He cooks, and he cleans! He's a real keeper, this one. Aw. Sadly, it was not meant to be. Now you will go and tell your superiors you arrested the wrong suspect. Kinney: You can compel me all you want. I will find you. Lucien: No, you won't. Instead, you'll keep up this wretched failure that is your life. You'll continue with this pitiful investigation, never quite connecting the dots or making any progress whatsoever. After a time, you'll grow to hate yourself for your mediocre talent, all the while knowing there are things lurking in the shadows, and in the face of these, you are nothing. Cami: Don't do this. Lucien: Oh, don't look so chagrined. Eh, once the vervain's out your system, I'll compel you to forget, as well, but like him, I will leave you with one lesson. Against vampires, humans always lose. [SCENE_BREAK] (Perfume Genius' "I decline" playing) ♪ I can see for miles ♪ (Gasps) ♪ The same old line ♪ (Sighs) Hayley: There was a time when all I wanted was to find my family. It consumed me, and then once I did, as crazy as it is, all I wanted was a home, and New Orleans is that home... And The Strix are trying to take that, aren't they? Elijah: No. We won't let them. (Footsteps) Marcel: Might be harder than you think. Elijah: Where is Rebekah? We need to call Klaus. Perfume Genius: ♪ that's all right ♪ ♪ I decline ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] Aurora: What are you doing over there? Come closer. Klaus: I think it's best you remain out of arm's reach. Aurora: (Sighs) So I take it you've heard about the busy day everyone's had. Let me take away that scowl. I'll tell you everything I know. Klaus: I suggest you speak quickly. Aurora: There is a weapon in play, a dangerous, cursed device called The Serratura. It is capable of producing an unbreakable boundary. My brother and Lucien want to use it to lock you and your siblings away forever so that no one may harm you, but to do so, they need all 3 of you in one place. Klaus: Which is why they sent a legion of Strix to collect my sister. Aurora: But not to worry, my love. I took measures to ensure that Rebekah isn't held by those nasty Strix for long. Klaus: What measures? Aurora: While they did acquire Rebekah's body, I wasn't about to let them keep it, so I enacted a plan of my own. Unbeknownst to my brother, two of the men sent to retrieve her were from my sire line, loyal to me... And on my behalf, they procured your sister's body. So don't worry, my love. Rebekah is perfectly safe. You have my word. Now... Come back to bed.
doc_226	"A Boy in a Bush" [SCENE_BREAK] [Fade in: Auditorium. From a podium on stage, Dr. Brennan is giving a lecture to a large group of anthropology students. Behind her shines a slide showing a variety of what look to be skull fragments.] BRENNAN: As far back as 1938, the director of the F.B.I., J. Edgar Hoover, wrote to the then curator of the Jeffersonian Institution, Professor Daniel Payne, to aid in the evaluation of specimens who were thought to be irrefutably human. This was the result. [She changes the slide, and a drawing of an ape appears. The students laugh.] BRENNAN: Despite this early disagreement, the F.B.I. and the Jeffersonian have forged a mutually beneficial, if somewhat tense, relationship which survives to this day. Thank you. [The students applaud and Goodman steps to the podium.] GOODMAN: Thank you, Dr. Brennan. Are there any questions? [A girl in the audience raises her hand.] OS: GOODMAN: Yes? [She stands.] FEMALE STUDENT: How much money have you made from your book? BRENNAN: I don't really know. I have an accountant and an agent- GOODMAN (cutting her off): That's not really the kind of question we're looking for from an anthropology student. [A boy in the hand is called on.] OS: GOODMAN: Yes? [He stands.] MALE STUDENT: Did you get your agent before or after you wrote the book? [Brennan moves toward the podium to answer, but Goodman speaks first.] GOODMAN: People, Dr. Brennan is an accomplished forensic anthropologist who writes books on the side. [In the audience, Booth stands from among the students.] BOOTH: I have a question regarding role of the F.B.I. in your book: Who do you base the brilliant and insightful Special Agent Andy Lister on? GOODMAN: Oh, for God's sake. BOOTH: Because, you know, I'm pretty sure it was me. BRENNAN: What are you doing here, Booth? [Cut to: Outside the building, Brennan and Booth are walking side-by-side toward the parking lot.] BOOTH: Local police got an anonymous call saying that there were human remains in a field behind a mall in the suburbs. BRENNAN: I did an anthropological profile of the suburb as a grad student. The whole notion of a created community, a modern utopia with its own mores and rules... It's fascinating. BOOTH: Fascinating to who? BRENNAN: To "whom". BOOTH: Whom. (He sees the shiny, silver sports car they've walked up to and laughs) You've got to be kidding. BRENNAN: What? My publishers gave it to me. BOOTH: Gave it to you? BRENNAN: Book sales are pretty good. It's supposed to be a nice car. BOOTH: Gave it to you? BRENNAN: Yeah. BOOTH: Well, why'd you park crooked? BRENNAN: Well, the guy said to always park it like that. BOOTH: He's wrong. It makes you look like an idiot. BRENNAN: How about I drive for once? BOOTH: No, I cannot show up at a crime scene in that. BRENNAN: Why? BOOTH: Because it would detract from the gravity of my F.B.I. presence. Especially if you parked crooked. BRENNAN: Why is the F.B.I. involved in the search for human remains behind a suburban mall? [Booth pulls a paper out of his jacket and hands it to her.] BOOTH: Because this boy is missing. [The paper is a missing person flier with a picture of a young boy on it.] BRENNAN: Oh... A child. BOOTH: Yeah. [Cut to: The field behind Clayton Hills Mall. The parking lot is filled with vehicles, among them squad cars and a coroner's van. Booth, Brennan, and Zack are speaking with a police officer.] POLICE OFFICER: Anonymous call came in a couple hours ago. No sign of him yet. BOOTH: How do you know it wasn't a prank? [The officer starts a recording of the call.] GIRL (on cassette player): You have to come right away! There's, like, a dead kid here, all rotted away! It's in the field behind Clayton Hills Mall. You better come! BOOTH: Well, that rings true. BRENNAN: Why anonymous? POLICE OFFICER: Kids come here to party, misbehave. BRENNAN: Adolescents and preadolescents tend to seek out their own space to establish their own society, to counter parental influence. POLICE OFFICER: You mind if I make an observation? BRENNAN: No, of course not. POLICE OFFICER: In your book, the cops come off as very one-dimensional. Why is that? BRENNAN: You mean two-dimensional. ZACK: One-dimensionality exists only in theory as a mathematical value. POLICE OFFICER: Okay. Really looking forward to your next book. [He exits.] BRENNAN: Did you bring the thermal imager? ZACK: I don't think we need it. [Brennan gives him a look.] ZACK: It makes me look like the Great Gazoo. BRENNAN: I don't know what that means, but we definitely need it, Zack. [He sighs and walks off.] [Cut to: A bit later, in the field. Zack is wearing the thermal imager, which looks like a large orange and yellow helmet over his head. We see Booth and Brennan through his point of view, in yellows, greens, and reds based off of thermal heat.] BOOTH: How's it going there, Darth? See anything on Saturn? (off of Brennan's look) Oh, please tell me you've seen at least one Star Wars movie. BRENNAN: When I was seven, and leave Zack alone. [Back to normal view.] ZACK: Can we please hurry up? It's stuffy in here. [They begin to walk.] ZACK: I should be able to see any heat residue released from decomposing bodies. [They happen upon a small area where there obviously used to be a fire. Some crates and various garbage surround it.] OS: BOOTH: Party central. BRENNAN: Because suburbs are so homogeneous, adolescents tend to rebel in predictable and uniform ways. Fire, illicit substances, wayward behavior. BOOTH: Do you think that wayward behavior would include abducting a six-year-old child? BRENNAN: It's pretty extreme. Adolescents are more likely to drink alcohol and listen to culturally inappropriate music at high volume. ZACK: I'm picking something up. [From his POV, we see mostly green as he walks through grass, but then a patch of yellow, signifying some heat, appears.] [Back to normal view, Zack takes the imager off of his head.] ZACK: Oh my God. BOOTH: What? Why'd you stop? ZACK: You can turn on your flashlight. Aim it over there. [He pulls back some high grass and we see the mostly decomposed body of a young child.] [SCENE_BREAK] [TITLE CREDITS] [Fade in: The Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. The child's body is laid out on a table on the raised center platform.] BRENNAN: Before proceeding with maceration, any general observations? Zack? ZACK: Epiphyseal fusion puts the age at approximately six to ten years, though the stature suggest younger. BRENNAN: Good. I concur. Cause of death? ZACK: Blunt trauma to the chest. [Brennan walks over to Angela, concerned.] BRENNAN: Are you all right? ANGELA: He's so small. That's all. Go on with your work. I'm okay. [Brennan returns to the table.] HODGINS: The remains were significantly degraded by insect and animal activity, mostly dog and rodent. Despite the condition of the body, he's been dead between only thirty-six to forty-eight hours. BRENNAN (gesturing towards the victim's clothes): These were found a few yards from the body. Notice that they are in perfect condition. What does that tell you? ZACK: The victim wasn't wearing them when he was killed. BRENNAN: Which suggests he was sexually assaulted. [Angela approaches the table and hands a sheet of paper to Brennan.] ANGELA: I'm done. [Brennan takes the sketch and walks to a computer screen, where the missing flier is displayed, to compare.] BRENNAN: I think we have a match. The clothing matches. It's Charles Gregory Sanders. [Cut to: The Sanders house.] OS: BOOTH: On behalf of the F.B.I., we're extremely sorry for the loss of your son. [Cut to: Inside. Booth is talking with Charles' mother, Margaret Sanders, and one of the Sanders' neighbors, Ellie Nelson.] BOOTH: And I have a few questions, I mean, only if you're up to it. [Margaret nods.] BOOTH: You have two other sons? MARGARET: Foster sons. Though I try not to make the distinction. ELLIE: Shawn and David Cook. They are brothers. I live right next door. BOOTH: Charlie was your own? MARGARET (voice breaking): Yes. Charlie was mine. BOOTH: What about Mr. Sanders? MARGARET: We divorced shortly before Charlie was even born. He works overseas. ELLIE: He doesn't even send child support. BOOTH: You mind if I ask how you afford this nice neighborhood? MARGARET: Child Services wouldn't allow a single mother to foster if she worked. I live off the proceeds of a generous trust fund my parents set up long ago. BOOTH: And the day that Charlie disappeared - all three boys went to the park? ELLIE: It's two blocks away. It's a very safe neighborhood. They walk farther to school. MARGARET: We all keep an eye out for each other around here. People are good neighbors, take an interest. [A door opens in the background.] OS: SKYLER: Mom? MARGARET: In here, Skyler. [Skyler Nelson enters with Shawn and David Cook.] ELLIE: This is my son, Skyler. SKYLER: Dad told me to bring the boys back. We gotta go on a job. DAVID: There's nothing to do here. SHAWN: Our video game's broke. MARGARET: Shawn, David, this is Agent Booth. He's gonna find out what happened to Charlie. DAVID: How're you gonna figure it out? BOOTH: Oh, I'm in the F.B.I. We always figure it out. Boys, I mean, if it's alright with your mother, maybe I could help you out with your video game. [Margaret nods, and the boys head off with Booth following behind them.] [Cut to: Brennan's office. All the squints are gathered there.] GOODMAN: These are invitations to a banquet. [He hands an envelope to Brennan.] BRENNAN: You called a special meeting to invite us to a party? GOODMAN: Don't this of it as an invitation, consider it a summons. It's for donors. [He moves to Hodgins, who stands.] HODGINS: Meet and greet, press the flesh, butt kiss... GOODMAN: I don't like it any more than you do, but these people fund our research, and all they want in return is to rub elbows with a scientist every once in awhile. [He walks toward Angela.] HODGINS: I can't make it. BRENNAN: Yeah, me neither. ANGELA: I have a date that night. GOODMAN (handing her an invitation): You don't even know when it is. [Zack raises his hand.] GOODMAN (passing him an envelope as well): Yes, Mr. Addy? ZACK: What kind of food will there be? GOODMAN: When I said you should think of this invitation as a summons, I understated. It's a subpoena. A grand-jury subpoena. Ignore it at your own peril. BRENNAN: You're not gonna fire us if we don't go. GOODMAN: No, not fire you, but I can move your parking spot to Lot M. Enjoy the shuttle ride. ZACK: The shuttle smells like feet. BRENNAN: I know when I'm beat. I'm in. ANGELA: What the hell, it's a party. ZACK: Do I have to wear a tie? GOODMAN: Formal wear. I've arranged for a limo to pick us up here. HODGINS: Not me. I'm not afraid of parking or feet. ZACK: Wait, you drive me to work. You can't just think of yourself. GOODMAN: Repercussions and consequences, Dr. Hodgins. I'm your boss, and you will go to this banquet. [Hodgins snaps a rubberband that's around his wrist as Goodman exits, and Angela takes notice.] [Cut to: The Sanders house. Booth is helping the kids with their video game.] DAVID (as Booth puts a controller back together): Do you know what you're doing? BOOTH: Yeah. I can fix anything. DAVID: Cool. BOOTH: You guys, uh, you guys have girlfriends? DAVID: I do. SHAWN: Her name's Leila. BOOTH: Leila. Leila. DAVID: I thought you were gonna ask us questions about Charlie. BOOTH: Yeah, so which one of you puny mortals wants to challenge me first? SHAWN: Oh, me! [They start playing, and Shawn eyes Booth a bit suspiciously.] [Cut to: The Jeffersonian, Zack's office.] BRENNAN: You about to clean the bones? ZACK: Yes. I'm warming up the boiler now. BRENNAN: Something wrong? ZACK: These are the smallest remains I've ever worked on. BRENNAN: That's a valid observation, Zack, but it's not helpful to the investigation. ZACK: Sorry, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: I was at Waco, Branch Davidian compound. I helped identify children who had been killed in the fire. Seventeen of them. ZACK: So, you're saying I'll get used to it? BRENNAN: No, I'm saying you'll never get used to it. We're primates. Social creatures. It's coded into our DNA to protect our young. Even from each other. ZACK: So, I'm always going to feel terrible? BRENNAN: What helps me is to pull back emotionally. Just... put your heart in a box. ZACK: I am not good with metaphor, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: Focus on the details. ZACK: Details. Yeah, I can do that. [They walk over to where the bones are laid out on a table.] ZACK: No trauma to the skull. No compound fractures. Charlie was not beaten to death or dismembered. BRENNAN: It helps not to refer to the victim by name. ZACK: Greenstick fractures on ribs four, five, six, and seven. And the sternum is snapped transversally from the tip to the xiphoid. BRENNAN: Okay, what does that indicate? ZACK: The victim's chest was struck by a heavy, blunt object. BRENNAN: Are you completely certain we've learned everything we can from the body at this stage of decomposition? ZACK: I've been over everything at least three times. BRENNAN: Smell the mouth. [He does so.] BRENNAN: Anything behind the typical smells of decomposition? ZACK: Some kind of chemical. Chloroform. Something used to render the boy unconscious. BRENNAN: Take samples from the mouth, jaw, sinuses, and... what's left of the esophagus. Kids make it harder, Zack. [She exits, and he looks down at the body for a moment.] [Cut to: Outside the Sanders house, Booth exits with Shawn, David, and Margaret.] BOOTH: All right, look, you beat me bad. DAVID: No wonder you don't have a girlfriend. MARGARET: David! BOOTH: It's okay, Mrs. Sanders. It's alright. No, I do have a girlfriend. SHAWN: Is she pretty? BOOTH: Nah, she's butt ugly. Got a glass eye, snaggly back teeth. So, was Leila with you the day that Charlie disappeared? DAVID: Uh, yeah, actually. We stopped and played some video games at the arcade. BOOTH: That must've been before you and Charlie went to the park. MARGARET: You didn't go to the mall that day, David. [She looks at David, who looks away.] MARGARET: Shawn? DAVID: Don't ask Shawn, mom. BOOTH: You met Leila at the mall, didn't you? You left Charlie with Shawn at the park. DAVID: Well, just for a few minutes, and then they came back to the mall. MARGARET: David! DAVID: Shawn let go of his hand for a second, Charlie was gone like that! [Across the street, Skyler and his father load up a truck to go off on an extermination job.] DAVID: And then we came straight home. BOOTH: Charlie wasn't taken from the park, he was snatched from the mall. We've been looking in the wrong place. OS: MR. NELSON: Come on, son. Let's go. [Cut to: Jeffersonian lab. Hodgins places the victim's jawbone into a plastic box and replaces the lid. Angela approaches.] ANGELA: What's with the rubber band? HODGINS: Methyl oxide vapor in this chamber will bind to whatever compound Charlie breathed in before he was killed. [Angela reaches over and snaps the rubber band.] HODGINS: Ouch! ANGELA: It's an anger management technique, right? HODGINS: The key there is management, which is what I'm doing. Managing my anger. [The box fills with vapor.] HODGINS: There'll be a color change. Red for pnictogens and chalcogens, and blue for halogens. ANGELA: I get that you're a little off-kilter. Mad at the government, conspiracy of dunces, all that. Maybe even furious that you've had to mount a little boy's jawbone inside a box to find out what killed him. What I don't get is why going to a banquet makes you angry. [The vapor starts to clear, and the bone glows blue in areas.] HODGINS: Halogens it is. I'm gonna scrape off the particles and see if the mass spectrometer can identify what type of halogen. ANGELA: Anger is only fear, turned inwards. [She moves to leave, but stops to snap the rubber band against his wrist one more time. He flinches, and she exits.] [Cut to: Angela's office. Brennan, Angela, and Booth are looking at her computer monitor.] ANGELA: There are twenty surveillance cameras taking stills every two seconds throughout the mall, including access corridors and parking lots. I concentrated on the ones aimed at the public concourse. BOOTH: Okay, ten thousand people a day go through that mall. How are we gonna find one small kid? BRENNAN: Angela designed a mass recognition program to apply body types to skeletal remains. ANGELA: Endomorph, ectomorph, mesomorph, that sort of thing. I modified it to scan two dimensional images. In this case, we're looking for body masses roughly congruent with Charlie, Shawn, and David. [She points at the screen.] ANGELA: There's David. BOOTH: You're actually one of them. ANGELA: One of who? BOOTH: A squint. I mean, you look normal and you act normal, but you're actually one of them. ANGELA: This whole mass recognition program was Brennan's idea. I'm completely normal. Really. BOOTH: Yeah, maybe before you got this job. But now... BRENNAN (pointing at the screen): I see Charlie. BOOTH: Oh. That's him, all right. ANGELA (whispering): Oh, God. BRENNAN: Ange? Are you okay? ANGELA: It's just... these are probably the last pictures of this little... guy alive. Why is he alone? Why isn't anybody with him? (pause) Sorry. Max resolution is X-40 by 480 pixels per square inch. BOOTH: No, wait, he's not alone. Someone's calling him over. Can't you just zoom in? [On the screen, we see Charlie walk over to a person, who's obscured by a banner.] ANGELA: The fewer pixels that make up an image, the more the picture degrades once we zoom in on it. Did that sound too squinty? BRENNAN: Any way to enhance it? ANGELA: Well, I wouldn't bet a date with Colin Farrell on it. BRENNAN: I know him. He's funny. ANGELA: Funny is Will Ferrell, sweetie. Hot is Colin Farrell. BOOTH: Now look, wait. The kid was definitely moving toward someone. He wasn't struggling. He wasn't trying to get away. You know, I want to add the neighborhood kid Skyler Nelson to the list of possible suspects. ANGELA: I have one other angle, but our bad guy is still obstructed in it. [They all look at the screen.] BOOTH: Who the hell are you? [Dissolve to: Jeffersonian hallway. Angela's sitting on a bench. Brennan approaches.] BRENNAN: Are you thinking of leaving the Jeffersonian? ANGELA: I'm not really this person. [Brennan sits down.] BRENNAN: What person? ANGELA: I'm not like you. I'm not driven by the need for justice and all that. I'm a good-time girl. BRENNAN: We have good times. ANGELA: Cracking jokes over murdered skeletons is not good times. BRENNAN: I know it's harder on you than it is for the rest of us. ANGELA: No it's not. (pause) Why? BRENNAN: Because you look at their faces. We look at everything else. It's more clinical for us. For you - it's personal. When we see a murdered child- ANGELA: Honey I... I'm, no offense, I'm really not up for one of your 'it takes a village' anthropology lessons. This is the longest I've ever had a job. That's because of you. BRENNAN: If this is about hours, or time to do your own art, then- ANGELA: Just let me work on it, okay? I'm an artist. I used to draw naked guys. Now I draw dead guys. BRENNAN: Just don't decide anything without talking to me. ANGELA: Of course I won't. [She leans back and sighs. Brennan leans back as well.] [Cut to: Jeffersonian lab. Booth and Brennan walk down the corridor.] BRENNAN: I'm afraid Angela might quit. BOOTH: I'm amazed she stuck it out this long. BRENNAN: Why? BOOTH: Oh, because she's human. [Brennan gives him look.] BOOTH: I'm sorry, Bones, it's just that, you know, uh... Angela didn't get the same training that the rest of you got on, uh, planet Vulcan. BRENNAN: I don't know what that means. [They enter a room where the skeleton is laid out and Zack is waiting.] BOOTH: She's more sensitive. ZACK: Who's more sensitive? BRENNAN: Angela. BOOTH: She likes puppies and kitties and ducklings, and, you know, Jell-O shots and, you know, dancing on bars. [He makes some music and dances a little.] BRENNAN: I know that. She's my best friend. And Angela's not the only person in the world who likes baby animals. ZACK: I never got the big attraction. BOOTH: I rest my case. She's more sensitive. ZACK: We cross-referenced the length and density of Charlie's leg bones with other children his age. The victim, I mean. [Booth stares at the skeleton for a moment, and is obviously emotionally affected by it. Zack notices.] ZACK: The thing to do is concentrate on the details. [There's a pause.] BOOTH: Let's do that. [He clears his throat.] BRENNAN: We found some abnormalities. They're bowed, and abnormally short. ZACK: Also, the victim's show freezing of the joints at the hip and knee. BOOTH: Are you saying Charlie was crippled? BRENNAN: The victim was disabled, yes. BOOTH: His mother never mentioned that. ZACK: The ribs are broken in two places, which is not typical of blunt-force trauma. BRENNAN: How do you explain that? ZACK: I'd attribute it to his medical condition and the corresponding brittleness of his bones. BRENNAN: I agree. What is that condition? ZACK: It looks like scoliosis - a bend in the spine. [Brennan walks over to the x-rays on the wall.] BRENNAN: I think it's more than that, Zack. There are multiple calcified lesions on the posterior thoracic vertebrae. That, plus Charlie's short stature, and the asymmetric length of his legs... Margaret Sanders may not be Charlie's biological mother. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN (to Zack): Test the bones for X-linked hypophosphatemia and Coffin-Lowry Syndrome. [They start to move away, but Booth stops them.] BOOTH: Whoa, whoa. Okay, hold on. Simmer down, just back up to the part where she's not his mother. ZACK: Dr. Brennan is having me check for hereditary genetic defects which are always passed from mother to child. BRENNAN: If Charlie had one, then Margaret Sanders is not his mother. [Cut to: Interrogation room. Booth and Brennan are questioning Margaret Sanders.] MARGARET: How can you say that? BRENNAN: Charlie suffered from a hereditary genetic disorder called hypophosphatemia. BOOTH: Charlie's real mother would have the same disease. BRENNAN: You do not. MARGARET: Never say I wasn't Charlie's real mother, because I was. BOOTH: Biological mother, then. Mrs. Sanders, you are not Charlie's biological mother. You want to explain that to us? MARGARET: I can't have children. That's why my husband left me. So I took in foster kids. BRENNAN: Like Shawn and David Cook. MARGARET: And Charlie. Though is name was Nathan. I got him as a baby down in Pittsburgh. Ten days old. His mother was arrested on drug charges, and Child Services brought him to me. Three weeks I had him. Then the charges were dropped. BOOTH: You kept him? MARGARET: No. I gave him back. But it nearly killed me. I stayed in touch. I bought him things - formula, stroller. I wanted to make sure he was all right. BOOTH: Nathan what, Mrs. Sanders? MARGARET: Nathan Downey. His mother was a drug addict named Janine. Christmas Day I found her dead on her kitchen floor, a needle stuck in her arm. And I could hear Charlie, crying upstairs. So I went up. BRENNAN: And you took him home. MARGARET: I looked him in the eyes, and I promised him I would never leave him alone again. And he stopped crying. I expected every day for Child Services to come looking. BRENNAN: He would've ended up back in the system anyway. MARGARET (breaking down, crying): I meant to keep him safe... and love him. And now he's dead. [Cut to: Booth's office. Booth enters, Brennan right behind.] BOOTH: I had to arrest her. BRENNAN: The story checked out. The overdose. BOOTH: She confessed to kidnapping. BRENNAN: Margaret Sanders did nothing more than respond to the anthropological imperative. She saw an orphan, and reacted. BOOTH: This is not a National Geographic study, okay? This is the suburbs. BRENNAN: Why would she kill the boy? She obviously loved him. BOOTH: There are situations, right? The kid gets sick, he doesn't turn out to be what you wanted. I bet that you could give me a dozen examples of societies that have killed their own young. BRENNAN: What about Shawn and David Cook? Where do they go now? BOOTH: Back into the system. BRENNAN: Do you have any idea how bad the foster care system is? BOOTH: Do you? What do you want to do, hmm? Do you want to kidnap them, the way that she kidnapped Charlie? BRENNAN: I want you to let them go home to Margaret Sanders. BOOTH: It's not gonna happen. [Brennan leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to: Angela's office. Angela and Zack are bent over the computer.] ZACK: Try redigitizing and resizing. ANGELA: I did. The extrapolation protocol got confused by the spread. Hey, you know Hodgins better than anybody else. So why is he so bent out of shape about this banquet? ZACK: What makes you say that? ANGELA: Because every time someone mentions it, he starts snapping that rubber band around his wrist. ZACK: I mean, what makes you think I know Hodgins better than anyone else? ANGELA: You're roommates. ZACK: I live above his garage. ANGELA: But you see a lot of each other. ZACK: Not really. ANGELA: He drives you to work. ZACK: I've never been up to the main house. ANGELA: The main house? ZACK: It's at the opposite end of the driveway on the other side of the tennis courts across from pond. [Booth enters.] BOOTH: Okay, anything on the identity of Charlie's abductor? ANGELA: I can't clear up this image any more than it is. Tell Booth what you told me about living in Hodgins' garage. ZACK: There's a bedroom, living room, kitchen, another bedroom, a den, two bathrooms- BOOTH: Great. Quite a garage. Can we focus on the case? ANGELA: How many cars does he have in that garage? ZACK: Including the antique ones, about twelve. And a boat. ANGELA: Zack has never seen the main house because the tennis courts and the pond block the view. BOOTH: Well, he must be one of those Hodgins. ZACK: Who are 'those' Hodginses? BOOTH: You know, the Cantilever Group Hodgins? ANGELA: Oh my God. ZACK: The same Cantilever Group that generates more G.N.P. than Europe? ANGELA: Get this. They are the single biggest donors to the Jeffersonian Institution. [Booth laughs.] BOOTH: That makes Hodgins your boss. ANGELA: What do you guys even talk about when he drives you to work? ZACK: I mostly sleep. Hodgins mostly yells at the radio. [On the computer screen, the abductor leads the child out of a glass door.] BOOTH: Okay, if you can't see the guy's face, maybe you can grab a reflection. ZACK: That's a workable idea. BOOTH: Well, I'd say thanks, you know, if you didn't say it like it was some kind of a miracle. [Cut to: Brennan's office. She's typing, looking very determined. [Hodgins enters.] HODGINS: Chem lab mass spectrometer identifies the particulates in Charlie Sanders' mouth as fluoride. [He looks at Brennan.] HODGINS: I recognize that look. BRENNAN: What? [He looks at the rolling board of notes.] HODGINS: You're writing another book. When you write, you get this stunned look on your face like you stuck a fork in a toaster. Am I in this one too? BRENNAN: You weren't in the last one. Fluoride? At what concentration? HODGINS: It's too high for toothpaste. BRENNAN: Put together a list of - [She sees he's not listening and reading the notes. She pushes the board away from him a little.] BRENNAN: Put together a list of anything that could conceivably contain fluoride at those levels. HODGINS: All right. Do you have time for this? BRENNAN: They gave me a car. HODGINS: Nice. Who? BRENNAN: My publisher. Now I feel like I have to earn it by writing another book. HODGINS: Fight coercion in all its forms. You don't write the book, I don't go to the banquet. Solidarity. [He leaves, Booth enters.] BOOTH: Angela has a face for the abductor. [She exits quickly. Booth sneaks a peek at the board of notes before following.] [Cut to: Angela's office. Booth, Brennan, and Angela are crowded around the computer.] ANGELA: I looked on both cameras. This one offered up more reflective surfaces. BOOTH: Right at the door. ANGELA: Check this out. BOOTH: The abductor's face. ANGELA: By polarizing the image, the computer can interpret the spaces between the white and the dark gaps and fill in the missing pieces. BOOTH: Wait. That doesn't look like an adult. ANGELA: When I repolarize the image... [The blurry picture becomes clear.] BOOTH: Shawn Cook. BRENNAN: The victim's foster brother. [Cut to: Interrogation room. Shawn Cook draws pictures in some spilled water on the table. Booth is questioning him as a child advocate sits nearby. Brennan and a juvenile prosecutor watch from outside.] BOOTH: Where were you taking Charlie, Shawn? SHAWN: I brought him to the mall to see David. BOOTH: I know you brought him to the mall. But we got a picture of you... leading him out of the mall. [He slides a printed image of the picture from Angela's computer screen in front of Shawn.] BRENNAN: Have you seen much of this kind of thing? PROSECUTOR: I'm a juvenile prosecutor. I wish I could say kids killing kids was rare. BOOTH: Where were you taking him, Shawn? SHAWN: When can I talk to Margaret? BOOTH: After you answer my questions. BRENNAN: Can he do that? Lie to a kid? PROSECUTOR: We're after a child killer, Dr. Brennan. If the child advocate in there doesn't complain, I sure as hell won't. BRENNAN: Well, what's the point of having a child advocate if he doesn't advocate for the child? PROSECUTOR: I get the impression that you're a little confused as to what side you're on, Dr. Brennan. BOOTH (lifting the hem of his shirt): Shawn, you know what that is? SHAWN: A scar? [Booth tucks his shirt back in.] BOOTH: Yeah. Got it when I was playing soldier with my brother Jared. SHAWN: Did it hurt? BOOTH: Yeah, it hurt. But it was an accident. You got any scars? [Shawn rolls up his sleeve show a few small, round marks on his arm.] SHAWN: My dad did it with a cigarette. BOOTH: He shouldn't have done that. [Shawn slides his sleeve back down.] SHAWN: Margaret didn't do anything like that. I love Margaret. BOOTH: What I need to know is if Charlie had some kind of an accident. [Shawn doesn't answer.] BOOTH: Shawn? ADVOCATE: Maybe we can just take a break. BOOTH: Shawn? PROSECUTOR: He's not being aggressive enough. BRENNAN: Foster kids are powerless. They're treated like garbage. You're in a position to do something about it, and all you have to say is 'He's not being aggressive enough'? PROSECUTOR: Dr. Brennan, you know this boy may very well have beaten a child to death with a rock? [The prosecutor exits.] [Cut to: Lab platform. Hodgins is working, and Angela walks up to him.] ANGELA: How long have we known each other? HODGINS: Do people really ever know each other? ANGELA: How come you never invited me over to your house? HODGINS: Oh, I didn't pick up that kind of vibe off you. ANGELA: I thought we were close. All of us. What else don't I know? Is Zack from another planet? HODGINS: Oh, come on. That one's obvious. ANGELA: You're rich. You single-handedly own the Cantilever Group. Don't deny, I know. HODGINS: Who else knows? ANGELA: Zack, Booth. HODGINS: Don't tell Brennan. ANGELA: Why don't you want us to know that you're actually our boss? HODGINS (harshly): I don't want to be anybody's boss. I never did. Please respect that. [Angela leaves, and Brennan enters.] BRENNAN: What's up with Angela? HODGINS: It's... job pressure. [There's a pause.] HODGINS: Fluoride at lower concentrations is used in toothpaste, instant tea, and is added to our drinking water. Which, I might add, can cause a range of conditions, brain damage- BRENNAN: Which has nothing to do with the case at hand. [Hodgins pauses a moment before continuing.] HODGINS: The concentrations found on our victim might come from wood preservatives, paint thinners, car wax, or various other industrial products. [He hands Brennan a list, and she stick it on her clipboard.] BRENNAN: Okay. Did Angela say anything about quitting her job? HODGINS: No. But we hardly know anything about each other. [Brennan exits.] [Cut to: The room where the skeleton is laid out. Brennan is writing notes as Booth enters.] BOOTH: Bones, I thought you'd like to know that Shawn and David are in emergency care. Pulled some strings, you know, to make sure they- they get to stay together. BRENNAN: That's good, thanks. BOOTH: It's the best I could do. BRENNAN: Yeah, I understand. BOOTH: No, you say you understand, but you don't. Not really. I mean, if you don't like the rule, you ignore it, right? [He steps forward and leans on the table.] BOOTH: I can't have that. And if you want to do this- BRENNAN: Do what? BOOTH: Work on cases, you know, with me. Outside the lab. If you wanna do that, I need to know that you will respect the law. BRENNAN (voice breaking): Tell you what, if I can't respect the law, I can at least respect you. BOOTH (a little surprised): Well- Yeah, that'll work, too. I mean it kind of comes out of nowhere, but- [Brennan notices the pencil he broke when he leaned on the table. It now sits in three pieces.] BRENNAN: Look what you did. BOOTH: It's a pencil. I'll get you a new one. BRENNAN: The victim was killed by trauma to the chest, but the ribs are broken in two places, not just one. BOOTH: Uh, because of the, uh, brittle bones. Because of his disease. BRENNAN: Well, that was my assumption, but there's another explanation. [She moves to leave, but he blocks her.] BOOTH: Yeah, whoa. What's the other explanation? BRENNAN: Compression. [She leaves, and he follows.] BOOTH: Like Charlie Sanders was crushed to death? BRENNAN: Yes. Greenstick fractures. Vertebral and sternal. [She holds up the broken pencil.] BRENNAN: See? BOOTH: Hey, Shawn Cook outweighed Charlie Sanders by, what, thirty pounds? How could he have crushed him to death? [They come across Angela as they enter the lab.] BRENNAN: Angela, we need to run some scenarios through the Angelator. [She walks off, and Booth and Angela move to follow. Hodgins enters from behind.] HODGINS: Angela, Booth! [They stop.] HODGINS: Zack has been informed that if he tells anyone who I am, I will kick him out on the street like a stray dog. Sadly, there is nothing I can threaten you two with. ANGELA: Yeah, that's a shame. HODGINS: What I want out of my life is to come in here and sift through slime and bugs. Unfortunately, my family is one of those who secretly run the world. BOOTH: Paranoia and delusions of grandeur all in one package. [Booth and Angela start to walk away.] HODGINS: You call it paranoia, I call it the family business. Please could you just stop! [They do, and turn back.] HODGINS: The reason that I do not want to go to that banquet is that the other members of the ruling elite will make a big fuss about seeing me. My secret will be out and my life, this life that I love, will be ruined. I'm asking you, please, please just let me be Jack Hodgins who works in the lab. [He exits.] [Cut to: Angela's office. Brennan, Booth, and Angela are around the Angelator where an image of Charlie Sanders is showing.] ANGELA: Charlie was three feet, four inches tall and weighed fifty-eight pounds. BRENNAN: And Shawn? ANGELA: Shawn Cook is 1.4 meters tall and weighs 31 kilograms. BOOTH: His brother David was 5'8", 150 pounds. ANGELA: 1.75 meters, 68 kilograms. BRENNAN: At first, I thought the break to Charlie's sternum was caused by blunt trauma because it only ran along one fault line. But when Booth broke my pencil, I realized there's another way to cause the same type of injury. Compression. ANGELA: Hodgins found no particulates that suggested crushing. BRENNAN: Body weight. There has to be enough weight on the victim to stop the abdomen from moving so no air can get into the lungs. [On the Angelator, a pair of legs appears on top of Charlie's horizontal form, and the bones of both people are shown through their bodies.] BRENNAN: Prolonged pressure caused the sternum to snap in half and the ribs to break. [On the Angelator, the pressure of the body on top of Charlie causes the ribs to snap. Angela is obviously emotionally affected by this visual and turns away slightly. Brennan looks over at her.] ANGELA: Sorry, sorry. I entered real-world variables, taking into account Charlie's size and the amount of pressure... [The visual runs through again, and Angela pauses for a short moment.] ANGELA: ...that was required to break Charlie's sternum in the way that it was broken. BOOTH: What did you end up with? ANGELA: 86.2 kilograms. BOOTH: What's that in American? BRENNAN: 190 pounds. BOOTH: Yeah. ANGELA: Way too much for either of the Cook kids or Margaret Sanders. BOOTH: I'd put the neighborhood kid Skyler at about 160 pounds. BRENNAN: It can't be him either. BOOTH: We should be looking for a full-grown man. BRENNAN: You have to get Shawn to tell you where he took Charlie when they left the mall. BOOTH: He won't talk to me. BRENNAN: Let me do it. BOOTH: Uh, no. You know, people are not your strong point, Bones. And besides, he's not going to care how many facts you put in front of him. BRENNAN: Could you just go with me on this one, Booth? We're trying to catch a killer. Let me help. BOOTH: When's the last time you even talked to a kid? BRENNAN: I know what to say. [Cut to: The interrogation room. Booth and the juvenile prosecutor from before are watching from outside as Brennan talks to Shawn as the child advocate observes.] BRENNAN: Do you remember me, Shawn? SHAWN: The museum lady. The one who's so smart. BRENNAN: Yeah, I'm pretty smart. PROSECUTOR: And very modest. BOOTH: Oh, believe me, she is being modest. BRENNAN: Smart enough to know that you didn't kill Charlie. You don't have to say anything, Shawn. Just listen. They give you a garbage bag to carry all your stuff, like they're telling you everything you own is garbage. And then you have to go to a new school in clothes that smell like garbage bags. SHAWN: All the regular kids know you're a foster kid. How do you know what it's like? BRENNAN: They bounce you from place to place, and it's never home. Sometimes the foster parents are nice. SHAWN: Like Margaret? BRENNAN: Yeah. And sometimes they separate you from your brother. It must have been nice with Margaret, staying with David. SHAWN (starting to cry): We got bunk beds. At night, I knew David was there. Like he was guarding me. Margaret's nice. BRENNAN: You'd do almost anything to stay with Margaret, right? [Shawn nods.] BRENNAN: The man you took Charlie to, the man who hurt him, he knows that. You didn't know that he'd hurt Charlie, but he did. And then he told you that Margaret would blame you, that she'd hate you. But this man is lying to you, Shawn. I can make sure that you go back to Margaret. SHAWN: How? You work at a museum. BRENNAN (looking pointedly through the one-way mirror at Booth): I have a friend at the FBI. If I ask him to, he will make sure that you and David get to live with Margaret again. ADVOCATE: Dr. Brennan, you can't make promises like that. BRENNAN: Yes, I can. He will do it. My friend will make it happen. BOOTH: Oh, man. BRENNAN: But you have to tell me who hurt Charlie. BOOTH: I'm gonna need your help to keep the promises she made to that boy. PROSECUTOR: Hey, I- I can't promise- BOOTH: Mrs. Johnson, my people and your people are gonna have to make this happen. SHAWN: What if Margaret doesn't want me anymore? Charlie was her real son. BRENNAN: Charlie wasn't her biological son either. Charlie was just like you: someone that Margaret chose to love. I don't think we should let that man take you and David and Charlie away from Margaret, do you? [Shawn shakes his head.] BRENNAN: We should stop him. You and I should stop him. [Shawn sits in silence, crying for a moment, before wrapping Brennan in a hug. He whispers something into her ear.] BOOTH: She did it. She got his name. [Cut to: The street outside the Sanders house. Booth pulls up as Skyler and his father are loading up their vehicle to go off on a job. Starsailor's 'Some of Us' plays in the background as Booth arrests Mr. Nelson.] BOOTH: Edward Nelson, you are under arrest for the sexual assault and murder of Charlie Sanders. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you free of charge... [Cut to: Angela's office, the song still playing. She sets the missing poster and her sketch of Charlie side-by-side, and sighs.] [Cut to: Lab platform. The song continues as Hodgins takes the jaw bone he had tested and puts it on a tray Zack holds. He looks away as Zack exits.] [Cut to: The Sanders house, music still playing. Booth leads Edward Nelson to the FBI vehicle in handcuffs as Brennan watching Mrs. Nelson talk to her son. Both Booth and Brennan watching as Skyler hugs his crying mother. Their eyes meet before Booth exits.] [Cut to: The Jeffersonian. Zack, with a shaking hand, places the jawbone in a coffin with the rest of Charlie's skeleton and shuts the lid. Two men in suits somberly take the casket out of the room as Zack watches, emotional.] [Cut to: FBI building. Booth enters with Margaret Sanders.] MARGARET: Boys. [David and Shawn rush up and hug her.] DAVID and SHAWN: Mom! [Booth and Brennan lock eyes over the hugging family.] OS: SHAWN: Are we gonna be a family again? OS: MARGARET: Oh, you betcha. [Cut to: Brennan's office. The song fades out. Booth enters.] BOOTH: We have him cold. The insecticide he was using on the termites matches the fluoride concentration perfectly. Skyler's dad admitted everything. BRENNAN: Don't tell me, he said crushing Charlie to death was a mistake. BOOTH: He never abused Shawn Cook, he just used him to get near Charlie. It played out just like you said. He had Charlie out in that field. Some teenage kids, they come by, so he knelt on Charlie to keep him from crying out. Shawn got scared and ran back to his brother. BRENNAN: Charlie was small and weak. His sternum collapsed. You think he abused any other kids. BOOTH: Yeah, probably his own son. BRENNAN: You report that to Child Services? BOOTH: Mm-hmm. Try to get the kid some help. [He pauses.] BOOTH: Look, I'm sorry. BRENNAN: For what? BOOTH: You have personal experience in the system. [Brennan pauses for a moment.] BRENNAN: I was a foster child until my grandfather got me out. BOOTH: Yeah, when you said 'They take you away from your brother,' I kind of had the feeling you weren't talking about David Cook. BRENNAN: Booth, I'll tell you all about it one day, but tonight I have to get dressed for a party. BOOTH: Oh. Okay, Bones. [He moves to leave.] BRENNAN: By the way, there's a huge ding in my passenger-side door because you told me not to park it at an angle. BOOTH (laughing): What? BRENNAN: Okay, that's just mean. You're mean. BOOTH (still laughing as he exits): Sorry. [Cut to: Lab. Goodman enters, where Angela, Zack, and Hodgins are already standing. With the exception of the latter, they are all dressed in formal attire.] GOODMAN: That is not a tuxedo, Dr. Hodgins. HODGINS: I am not going, Dr. Goodman. GOODMAN: You are going. [He sticks a nametag in Hodgins' lab coat pocket.] GOODMAN: When we arrive, the donor's will all be wearing nametags. [He hands a nametag to Zack.] ZACK: What do we talk about? GOODMAN: Your work, of course. [He moves to Angela.] ANGELA: Zack's work consists of removing flesh from corpses. Hodgins dissects bugs that have been eating people's eyeballs. HODGINS: Leave me out of it. I'm not going. GOODMAN: And how do you see your job? ANGELA: I draw death masks. GOODMAN: Is that really how you see it? ANGELA: Don't you? GOODMAN: You are the best of us, Miss Montenegro. You discern humanity in the wreck of a ruined human body. You give victims back their faces, their identities. You remind us all of why we're here in the first place. Because we treasure human life. [She pauses for a moment before stepping forward and wrapping Dr. Goodman in a hug.] GOODMAN: Oh, for God's sake. [Brennan enters in a formal dress.] BRENNAN: What happened? ZACK: Apparently all Angela needed was to hear her job description in a deep, African-American tone. GOODMAN (scolding): Mr. Addy. [Booth enters.] BOOTH: Dr. Goodman, we need Hodgins in the lab tonight. [He hands an evidence bag of dirt to Hodgins.] BOOTH: FBI needs this analyzed by morning. HODGINS: Uh, I'll get right on it. GOODMAN: Wait a minute, what case file is this? BRENNAN: Am I supposed to know about it? ANGELA: Booth mentioned it to me earlier today. BRENNAN: That's good enough for me. GOODMAN (conceding): Fine. You're off the hook, Dr. Hodgins. Let's not keep the limo waiting. [He leaves, and Angela and Zack exit with him.] HODGINS (to Booth): Thanks. [Hodgins exits as well, and Starsailor's 'Some of Us' starts playing again.] BOOTH: You look nice. Better than nice, you look, uh... very... BRENNAN: Thanks. BOOTH: Bones, how did you know I was gonna keep your promise? BRENNAN: What promise? BOOTH: To get Shawn and David back with Margaret Sanders. BRENNAN: Maybe I was lying. To catch the bad guy. I learned that trick from you. The end justifies the means. [Booth moves to leave.] BRENNAN: Booth. [He stops, turns back.] BRENNAN: I knew you'd back me up. I knew you wouldn't make me a liar. BOOTH: Hmm. How did you know? BRENNAN: Because you want to go to heaven. BOOTH: But you don't believe in heaven. BRENNAN: But you do. [They smile at each other, and part ways.] [Fade to black.]
doc_227	Scene 1: Fangtasia - Longshadow, Eric, Pam, Bill, Sookie, Ginger Longshadow tries to strangle Sookie. Ginger is shouting. Pam: Ginger, enough. Eric: Thank you. Before Longshadow could bite Sookie, Bill kills him. Ginger screams and vomit. Eric: Humans. Honestly, Bill, I don't know what you see in them. Credit Scene 2: In the toilets of Fangtasia - Sookie Sookie cleans up. Scene 3: Fangtasia - Pam, Ginger, Eric, Bill Ginger is cleaning the floor. Ginger: How did I end up with you people? Jesus. Mother Mary in heaven. I'm so sorry, Mama. I'm so sorry. Eric: When Ginger is finished, glamour her for me. Pam: Are you sure? She's been glamoured one too many times already. Who knows how much of her is left. Eric: It's either that or turn her. You want her? Pam: Please, I'm not that desperate. Glamour it is. Eric: Excellent. (To Bill) Come. I'll buy you a Blood. Scene 4: Fangtasia, in Eric's office - Eric, Bill Eric gives a bottle of True Blood to Bill. Bill: Thank you. Eric: How do you stomach that stuff? Don't you find it metallic and vile? Bill: I don't think about it. It's sustenance, that's all. (Eric laughs) What? Eric: If you're their poster boy, the mainstreaming movement is in very deep trouble. Tru Blood. It keeps you alive, but it will bore you to death. Bill: Let's cut to the chase, shall we? Eric: You killed a vampire, Bill. For a human. What are we gonna do about this? Bill: What do you have un mind? Eric: I'll take the girl. Bill: No. You can have anyone. Why do you want her? Eric: Why do you want her? You're not in live with her, are you? Bill: Sookie must be protected. Eric: That sounds like an edict. But it couldn't be, because I would know about that. Admit it. You love her. Bill: If I hadn't done what I did, would you have let his disloyalty stand? Eric: Whatever I did to Longshadow, I would not have done in front of witnesses. Especially not vampire witnesses. Not smart, Bill. Not smart at all. Scene 5: In Jason's truck - Jason, Amy, Eddie Jason: All I'm saying is, Lafayette didn't have to kidnap him. And I'm pretty sure he left with some V. Amy: Hey. If you wanna make the same arrangement with Eddie Lafayette's done, have at it. This is just the only thing I could think of to get you blowing your first vampire. Jason: You done this before, haven't you? Amy: Done what? Jason: This. Kidnapping vampires. Jesus. I should have known something wasn't right the second you walked into my life carrying that big bag of crazy. Any woman with a purse that big's bound to have something in it I don't wanna know about. Amy: Jason. Baby, you're sweet, but you've gotta mellow out. She turns the radio on. Jason: The fck is this hippie music? Amy: Shh. Scene 6: In the toilet of Fangtasia - Sookie, Pam, Ginger Sookie continues to clean up. Pam arrives and gives her clothes. Pam: Put these on. Sookie: Oh, thank you, but I'm fine, really. I'm just gonna dry out my hair and be on my way. Pam: You're not going anywhere. Eric and your boyfriend aren't nearly done talking just yet. Sookie: Os Bill in some kind of trouble? Pam: That's for the boys to figure out. Right now, what you need to do is change out of your clothes. There's vampire in your cleavage. Sookie: Okay. Pam: Allow me. Pam removes the peace of vampire of Sookie's cleavage. Sookie: Thank you. Pam: I'm beginning to understand the fuss everyone's making over you. Ginger enters. Ginger: Oh, hey there, Pam. Oh, who's your new friend? Pam: Ginger, Sookie. Sookie, Ginger. Ginger: Nice to meet you, Sookie. Sookie: Right. Nice to meet you too. Ginger: Oh, you don't have to be so scared. They're really very nice here. Scene 7: At Jason's basement - Jason, Amy, Eddie Jason: You got him? Amy: Yeah. Tape the windows shut. Here. Clear this out. We gotta clear all this sh1t out. Jason: Lift his legs. Amy: Ready? Jason: How's this gonna go? Amy: Tie his arm there. (She finds an oxygen masque) What? Jason: I guess I got a little paranoid after 9/11. Amy: No, because after New York and D.C., terrorists were gonna come to Bon Temps. Jason: And I said I was paranoid. Amy: Get his feet. Eddie: What are you gonna do to me? Jason: Yeah, I was kind of wondering that myself. Amy: We're gonna drink from him. Jason: And then what? Eddie: Yeah? Jason (to Eddie): Dude, I got this. (To Amy) What's the plan? Amy: Jason, can you please try to live in the now with me. Jason angry: I do live on the now. In fact, I've gone entire months without thinking about sh1t. But the truth is, right now, the now kind of sucks. And if we both can't admit that, then we are 100 percent f***. Amy takes some blood from Eddie. Amy (showing the blood she took): Who wants the first taste? Jason: I ain't doing it. Not like this. Eddie (whispering): Thank you. Jason: I said, stop talking to me. Amy: Come with me, baby. Don't let your fear get in your way. Jason: Look, it ain't fear, all right? It's just... (low so that Eddie can't listen) He's looking me right in the eye. It ain't right. Look at him. Amy: Fine. I'll see you when I get back. Jason stops her before she can swallow some blood. Jason: Wait, wait, wait. Ain't you supposed to cut it with aspirin? Amy: No, there's no risk of clotting when the V's this fresh. She swallows the blood that is in the plug. Amy: My God. Jason: You look... really happy. Amy: Come on, baby. Come with me. She gives him the plug. Eddie (to Jason): Don't. Don't do it. Jason: I said, don't talk to me. He takes the plug and drinks the rest of the blood. Scene 8: At Miss Jeanette - Miss Jeanette, Tara Tara: What exactly did you do to my mama? Miss Jeanette: You were here. You saw it. Tara: Yeah, but I wanna know exactly how and why it worked. Cause I'm already taking a monster leap of faith even considering this demon crap. Miss Jeanette: Fine, then. It's like this. Your mind, your body... it's just a physical manifestation of your soul. And your soul is sick. Tara: My soul don't wanna get ripped off. Miss Jeanette: How's your mama doing? Tara: She's doing great. But she believes in sh1t like this. I don't. Miss Jeanette: If you don't believe, then why did you come all the way here tonight? Tara: How much it'll cost me? Miss Jeanette: Seven-ninety-nine, ninety-five. Tara (shocked): What? Miss Jeanette: Seven-ninety-nine, ninety-five. Cup of rum's on the house. Tara: Well, my mama paid less than half that. Miss Jeanette: What I do takes varying amounts of energy and involves varying amounts of risk. Now, what you got inside you is much more powerful than what your mama had. Much more dangerous too. Tara: I'm worse than her? I once found that woman on the ground, eating her own vomit because she didn't wanna waste the alcohol she lost bringing it all up. Miss Jeanette: Think about it. But not for too long. You can't afford to keep pushing people away. Your loneliness is spreading to your eyes. It's becoming a part of who you are. Tara: You're one hell of a saleswoman, aren't you? Miss Jeanette: Next time you're alone, stand in the mirror and count backwards from 10. If you can get all the way down to zero, then I'm wrong. But if you can't stand your own company for 10 seconds, how you gonna expect to do it for the rest of your life? Scene 9: In front of Sookie's house - Bill, Sookie Sookie and Bill are walking from his car to Sookie's house. Sookie: So you're not in any trouble? Bill: A simple slap on the wrist, that's all. Sookie: You swear? Pam made it sound like... Bill (interrupting her): Pam was turned almost a hundred years ago and yet somehow still behaves as though every day were Halloween. She's all drama and theatrics. I assure you, everything's gonna be fine. They enter Sookie's house. Sookie: I'm gonna take a shower. I still feel like there's blood all over me. She turns on the light and sees blood on the wall. Bill: Don't look up. Tina is on the ventilator, dead. Sookie (shouting): Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! Scene 10: At Jason's - Jason, Amy, Eddie Jason and Amy are naked, kissing, under V. Amy: Wait, wait, wait. First, we have to thank the vampire for the gifts that he's bestowed upon us. (To Eddie) We are grateful... Eddie: F* you. Amy: ... for your gift to us. (To Jason) Ignore him. Jason and Amy imagine their selves in a beautiful forest. They are swimming in the air, naked. Amy: Can you see it? Jason: Where are we? Amy: Nowhere. Everywhere. Together. Eddie look at them, and is crying blood. Scene 10: At Sookie's - Bill, Sookie They are on Sookie's bed. Bill: Aren't you tired? Sookie: Every time I close my eyes, I see her face. Bill: Your cat? Sookie: Gran. But now that you mention it, Tina's in there too. Bill: You do know that I'm not gonna let anything happen to you? That I am here for you to protect you. Sookie: And what if I don't wanna need to be protected? What if wanting to be protected makes me feel like the helpless little girls I used to be all over again? Bill: Sookie. All of the things that you need to be protected from, all of the trouble you're in, you're in because of me. So you needing to be protected has nothing to de with you or who you are. All of it is my fault. So why don't you just go to sleep and let me be the one to worry about it? Sookie: Bill, all the trouble I'm in, it's mine. I chose it. I chose it when I chose you. Bill: Yes, but... Sookie: Don't you think I wanna blame somebody else? But what I did to my Gran and now to poor Tina, it's my fault. And it's sweet of you to try to take it on for me, but if I let you, I'd be so mad at you, I'd never be able to look at you again. And right now your face is just about the only thing getting me by. So why don't you just leave it on me, okay? Bill: Very well. He kisses her. Sookie: Night, Bill. Bill: Night, Sookie. She closes her eyes and sees her Gran on the kitchen's ground, dead in her blood. She opens her eyes suddenly. Scene 11: At Jason's garden - Amy, Jason, Eddie Amy is in the garden, and someone is watching her. Someone: You're a fcking dead woman. Amy (screaming, fainting to be scared): Oh, my God! Jason jumps and laughs. Amy (smiling): Honestly, you are like a little boy. Jason: Did I scare you? He takes off the oxygen mask and put it on his head, Jason (smiling): Yeah Amy: Come here, lie down. I wanna show you something. He lies down near her on a cover, near her, Jason: What are we looking at? Amy: The trees. But we're not just looking, we're listening too. Jason: Listening to the trees? Amy: Can you hear that? Jason: It's like the leaves are talking! Amy: They're laughing. Jason: Yeah, because they're ticklish. Amy: That's right. Jason: Amy? Amy: Yeah, baby. Jason: We still high? Amy: No, baby. Jason: Because I don't normally talk like this. Plus, I'm feeling kind of lightheaded too. Amy: You're talking like this because your mind is starting to open up. And you're lightheaded because you haven't eaten anything. So here. (She sits and gives him to eat) Have an almond, they're raw. He eats the almond. Jason: Oh, my God. These crazy good. Amy: We gotta change the way you eat. Raw foods. Nothing processed. Because the cleaner the body, the cleaner the soul, the cleaner the experience. Jason: Cleaner than last night? Amy: Much cleaner. They kiss. Eddie (shouting from the house): Amy! Amy: He'll stop. He'll stop. Eddie (shouting): Jason! Jason stops kissing Amy. Jason: Ain't you worried somebody's gonna hear him? Amy: You live in the middle of nowhere of the middle of nowhere. Jason: Yeah, I guess but... Amy (interrupting him): He isn't a person, Jason. Jason: Did I say he was? All I'm saying is... My truck, for example. It ain't a person either. But I still fill it with gas and give it oil from time to time. Amy: You're saying we should feed him now? Jason: Ain't he gonna die if we don't? Amy: Who cares? Jason: I just... I still think we should have a plan, that's all. Amy: I do have one. Jason: Oh, yeah? Amy: And here it is. Everything's gonna work out, because it has to. Jason: That ain't a plan. Amy: Because when I'm with you, what I feel... I've never felt that with anybody else ever before. And I'm a person that a lot of bad stuff has happened to in the past and so I deserve this. I love you. (Jason doesn't answer and drinks) Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I mean, why is it we all need to be loved but then when somebody finally says, "I love you", people just run scared. I love you, Jason Stackhouse, whether you like it or not. I'm not afraid to admit it. Jason: Know what? You're right. F*** it. I love you too. They kiss. Amy: Say it again. Jason: I love... Amy: Come on. Jason: You get it once, that's all. Scene 12: At Tara's house - Tara, Letti Mae, Sam Tara is in her bathroom, in front of the mirror. Tara: Ten, nine, eight, s... Letti Mae comes in. Tara (shouting): Don't you knock? What if I was doing something private? Letti Mae: I taught you that was a sin against God. If I walk in on you doing it, it's your problem. Tara: What do you want? Letti Mae: Sam Merlotte's here to see you. You ain't sleeping with him? Tara get out of the bathroom and goes in the entrance, her mother follows her. Tara: What makes you jump to that conclusion? Letti Mae: He brung flowers. Men only bring flowers if they already slept with you and looking again. That especially goes for white men, as black men are less prone to grovel. Tara opens the door. Tara: What do you want, Sam? Sam: To apologize for what I said that hurt your feelings and sort things out between you and me. Letti Mae: That's a load. It's sx he wants. Tara: Mama. Tara goes out. Sam: She drinking again? Tara: No. That's her, stone-cold sober. Look, you should go. Sam: Why? Tara: Because I'm just too f**-up for this. Sam: You're not even the most f*-up person in this house, much less this town. Tara: What do you think this is between us? We were clear from the beginning it was just gonna be us f**. Sam: It's too late for that. Tara: What are you, a masochist? Sam: No, not at all. But I've spent my life running away from people or pinning my hopes on somebody I can't have. I'm done with that. Like it or not, you've reminded me that I'm a social animal. I'd rather deal with your f*-up sh1t than be alone. Tara: Here's some f*-up sh1t for you. Do you know that right now I have myself thinking I have a demon inside me? The only way to get it out is have some lady who lives in a bus in a swamp perform 800$ exorcism on me that there's no way in hell I can afford? Sam: Waw. Tara: Yeah. So go ahead. Now tell me you still want something more with me. Sam: Not if it's gonna be like this. But I'd like it if we could... Tara: Well, we can't, all right? Look, just go, okay? Get out of here and save us both a lot of misery. Sam: All right, I'll see you at work. She goes back home and he throws the flowers on the ground. Scene 13: At Merlotte's - Amy, Arlene, Sam Amy is looking at Arlene's ring. Amy: Oh, my God, it's beautiful. Arlene: I know, right? Amy: So you guys having an engagement party or what? They are at the bar now. Arlene (loud enough so that Sam could hear them): We'd like to, but I don't know where we'd throw it. You know, our place isn't big enough. Sam: You could have it here, if you like. Arlene: Oh, thanks. But I wouldn't wanna put you out. Sam: You wouldn't be. It'd be like any night, except I'd close the place to the public for you and your dearest. Arlene: Oh, wow, Sam, that would be amazing. Except I was thinking could we do it in the warehouse next door? Or even outside? Because if we did it in here, it'd feel like work, you know? Sam: You were thinking, huh? About the party I only just now offered to throw for you? Arlene: You are a spectacular man, Sam Merlotte. Sam: And you are one hell of a conniving suck-up when you need to be. I'll cover the catering and the band. The alcohol and all the other incidentals are on you and Rene. Arlene: Got it. And I may be conniving but I still mean it. You are gonna make some woman extremely happy one day. Sam: Maybe someday I'll meet a woman willing to take that chance with me. Sookie arrives, furious. Sam: Morning, Sookie. Sookie: Ain't nothing good about this morning. Scene 14: On the road, at Jason's job - Jason, Lafayette, Rene, Hoyt Jason is eating on his truck, listening to the trees. Hoyt and Lafayette are on another truck, eating. Lafayette: "Secret Sauce"? Who you f** kidding? Since when is it right to call mayonnaise a f**** secret? Hoyt: I don't know. I kind of like it, though. Lafayette: You can like it all you want to. It's still mayonnaise. Jason (shouting to Rene): What are you thinking? Rene: Thinking fcking roots should learn where to grow. Jason removes his helmet. Jason: What? Rene begins to dig the root with the chain saw. Jason: What? Rene. What? (He jumps from his truck and run to stop Rene) Hey! Hey! Rene! Jason make Rene fall. Rene (shouting): The f, man? Hoyt and Lafayette run to them. Hoyt (shouting): Shut it down. Rene: Get the f* off me. Lafayette pushes back Jason. Lafayette (to Jason): What the f* is wrong with you? You got a screw to loose? Rene (shouting): You could've killed me. Jason: I'm sorry, I know, but it ain't just some root growing out of nowhere. It's connected to that tree. Everything we see, man, it's all connected. Rene: The f* you talking about? You some kind of treehugger now? You gonna kill your buddy to save a tree? Lafayette (to Rene): Chill, son. Rene (shouting): I could give a f* if you're sorry. I'm about to get married. There are people that count on me. Lafayette (to Rene): Okay, come on, let's get you cleaned up. Rene and Lafayette go. Jason: S. Hoyt: Hey. Is everything all right, J? Jason: t, were you on the football team? Hoyt: No. Jason (taking him by the shirt): Were you on the football team? Hoyt: No, I wasn't. Jason put him down. Jason (shouting): Then you do not call me J. you got that? Hoyt pushes him. Hoyt: Yeah. Yeah. I'm... Yeah, I'm sorry. Hoyt goes. Jason: Goddamn it. Goddamn it. Scene 15: At Merlotte's - Andy, Sookie, Amy Sookie: What can I get for you today? Andy: Your boss around? Sookie: Tell him you're looking for him. What can I get you? Andy: Don't know, I haven't decided yet. Sookie sit in front of him. Sookie: Then while you make up your mind how about I tell you what you can get for me? I would love whoever's killing off my family's head on a platter. Think you could arrange that for me? Andy: I don't appreciate your tone, Miss Stackhouse. Sookie: I don't appreciate officers of the law enjoying casual lunches while there's a killer trying to hunt me. Did you know he got into my house again last night? Andy: He did? Sookie: Yes, and he killed my cat. Cut her head off and took it with him. Andy: Jesus. How come you didn't call the station? Sookie: All the station would've done is send you. You'd still be here acting as though you don't know what you're gonna order even though you always wind up having the cheeseburger. Amy: Hey there, detective Bellefleur, I'll take you order. Sookie: No, it's my table. Amy: I got it. Just take a break. It'll do you some good. Sookie leaves. Amy: What can I get for you? Andy: Go with the goddamn cheeseburger and fries. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 16: Outside the Merlotte's - Amy, Sookie Sookie is on a bench when Amy joins her. Amy: Hey, you. Listen, you all right? Sookie: Sometimes I wish I smoked, you know? So you could sneak outside without anybody knowing something's wrong with you. Amy: Okay. I'm really sorry about your cat. Sookie: Maybe I shouldn't have come in today. Amy: Yeah, I was gonna say, why did you? Sookie: I don't know. Maybe because lately it seems like if I called in sick every time somebody I loved got murdered I'd never make it in for a day of work. Amy: Don't you think Sam would understand? Sookie: I guess. But if I went home, what would you do? Amy: Me? What's it got to do with me? Amy seats near Sookie. Sookie: With Arlene doing nothing but showing off her ring you'd be the only one waiting tables. Amy: Yeah, she is gonna be a handful, that one. Sookie: Can you imagine what she was like the first time she got married? What about you? You ever been married? Amy: Is this the part where the sister asks what the girl's intentions are with her brother? Sookie: Because right now, I am all about protecting Jason. Amy: He misses you, Sookie. Sookie: Right. Amy: No, he does. I mean, between your grandma passing and then what happened afterwards with you... Sookie: He told you about that? Amy: He couldn't not. I mean, he's a mess about it. Sookie: Well, you wouldn't know it. Amy: Look, I know what you must think of him. And I get why you're mad at him, I do. But he loves you. You still got people around you who love you. And all I can hope is that maybe one day, I can be counted in among those people. Sookie: You are way too good for him. You know that, right? Amy: Of course I know that. I'm not stupid. Scene 17: At Jason's - Jason, Eddie Jason arrives home and turns on the tv. Tv Reverend Whitley: You can call me all the names you want, but I am confident in my position that when the day comes I meet my Maker, it is I would be allowed to pass through the gates into the glory of eternity. Tv animator: Thank you, reverend Whitley. Miss Flanagan, would you like to turn the conversation back to the Vampire Rights Amendment? Jason: Shut up, shut up. TV Nan Flanagan: After the massacre of three of our kind in Louisiana this week, I think the world should take notice of the fact that we have not retaliated. And we will not. Which leaves us with the question of exactly who is hunting whom out there in America tonight? TV animator: I applaud your rhetoric. That was very impressive. Eddie shouts form the basement. Jason (to Eddie): sh1t the f up! TV Reverend Whitley: But I warn my fellow citizens that her message is false. Jason goes sown in the basement. Eddie: Thank you. Thank you. Please, I... Jason (shouting): What is it? Eddie: I need you to move me. Too much pain. This chair, it's digging into my skin. Jason: Thought y'all couldn't feel pain. Eddie: When you don't drink your body... Your whole body aches more than anything I ever felt when I was alive. Please? Jason: Well, if I move you, will you shut up? Eddie: I promise. Jason: This better not be a trick. Eddie: It's not. Jason: And don't you f** bite me. Eddie: I don't event have the energy. Just, please? Jason begins to move him. Jason: Jesus. For a vampire, you sure are a doughy f. Eddie: I'm sorry. Aaaaah. Jason: There. That any better? Eddie: I think so, yeah. Jason: Yeah, good, because now I'm all f**-up. Scene 18: Merlotte's - Tara, Sam Tara enters and takes her clothes and sees an envelope full of money. Tara: What the hell? Sam is at the bar. Tara arrives. Tara: I found an envelope full of cash in my cubby. Sam: Yeah? Tara: You know anything about it? Sam: We'll talk after work. Tara: Sam, you know I can't... Sam: I said, after work, all right? Anyone needs me, I'll be in my office. Scene 19: At Bill's house - Bill, Eric, Pam, Chow Bill plays golf at the wii. Wii voice: Yes, he's done it again. Another lovely shot. A hole in one. The doorbell rings. Bill turns off the wii and goes to open the door. It's Eric, Pam and Chow. Bill: Eric. Pam. Eric: Bill, Chow. Chow, Bill. They enter. Chow (to Bill): Nice to meet you Pam: Chow is Longshadoow's replacement. Bill: I take it by your being here, there was no way around it, then? Eric: I can't really say. Didn't exactly look into it. Bill (to Pam): Tell me, do you enjoy living halfway up his backside the way you do? Pam: Yes, it's nice. You should try it. Bill (to Eric): We're gonna have to stop by the bar where Sookie works first. She needs to know that I'll be gone. Don't forget how this started. She came to Fangtasia to help you. Eric: Fine. Go to the bar. Pam: Might be smart to check out the competition. Eric: Yes, indeed. Chow (to Bill): What's your game? Bill: Excuse me? Chow: You were playing Wii. What's your game? Bill: Golf. Chow: What's your best score on Pebble Beach? Bill: Seven under. Chow: Mine's 11 under. Bill (to Eric): I liked Longshadow better. Scene 20: At Jason's basement - Jason, Eddie Eddie: It still hurts? Jason (doing stretching): No, that went right away. I guess that's a perk of me doing V. But this... this stretching just feels so goddamn f** good. Eddie: Another perk. Jason: Yeah. What's with the weight, dude? I thought all you vampires were supposed to be in shape. Eddie: We are what we were when we turned. I led a very sedentary life. Jason: What's sedentary? Eddie: Desk job. I was an accountant. Sat around a lot, ate a lot of junk food. Jason: Well, how's someone go from being an accountant to being a vampire? Eddie: It wasn't the straightest of lines. I always had this sense that it wasn't really my life I was leading. But I convinced myself it was the life I wanted. Then one day, about a year ago, I came home from work to find my wife crying like her whole family had just died. Turns out my son had had a fist fight at school. So one of the kids suggested to him that I might be a "f** faggot". Jason: Well, kids are m**. Eddie: That's precisely the reaction my wife wanted me to have. And when I didn't... Jason (putting his shoes): What, she never even had a clue? Eddie: How could she, when even I didn't? Jason: I'm sorry. Eddie: Don't be. Comes a point is life when you realize everything you know about yourself, it's all just conditioning. It's the rare man who truly knows who he is. At least accomplished that. Jason: I guess it helps that you don't look all that gay. Most of the gays I've come across they look like... Eddie: You. You're what we're supposed to look like. Anyway, after she left me and took my kid I went to a gay bar, hit on a couple of men. Got laughed at. Or pitied. Then I saw this one guy. He was even less of a looker than me and he had beautiful young men all over him. Somebody told me he was a vampire. And I guess I just thought: "Well, that's for me." After that, it was just a matter of time before I found someone willing to turn me. Jason: That's crazy. Eddie: I told you it wasn't the straightest of lines. Jason: So how did it work out for you? With the guys and everything? Eddie: Well... you tell me. Scene 21: At Merlotte's - Sookie, client, Bill, Eric, Pam, Chow, Tara, Amy Sookie (taking an order): Okay. Bill enters the bar. Client: I'll have that on the side too. Sookie: Okay, coming right up. Sookie: Bill, what's going on? Eric: This place is even more depressing than I thought it'd be. Sookie (to Bill): What are they doing here? Bill: Give me a minute, then we'll talk. Where's Sam? Sookie: I don't know. Why? Tara: He's in his office. Bill (to Eric): Try to behave yourself. Eric: Don't I always? Scene 22: In Sam's office. Sam is in his office when Bill knocks at the door. Sam: Yeah? Bill: Bill Compton. I need a minute of your time, if that's all right. Sam: It's open. Bill and Chow enter. Sam: Who's this? Bill: His name's Chow. Sam: He need to be in my office too? Bill: Yes. I have very little time, so I'll be brief. I've been called away. And I need you to watch over Sookie, protect her when I'm gone. Sam: Well, that's just priceless. Bill: Don't expect her to be too keen on the idea. Sookie hates feeling like she doesn't have independence. Sam: I'm really starting to get fed up with you telling me who Sookie is. Bill: I know. And I also know how you feel about her, and I don't like it. But I'm asking you because you're the only one I can ask. You're the only person I know of who can protect her in my absence. Will you do it? Sam: Of course I will. But I'll be doing it for her, not for you. Bill: Thank you. Bill and Chow leave. Scene 23: At Merlotte's - Eric, Pam, Sookie, Bill Bill (to everyone): So simply present this card at the door when you get to Fangtasia (Pam distribute the card) and the first round is on me. Pam: Also, Thursdays are ladies nights, so be sure to bring a date. (To a client) That is, if you can get one. A friend of this client: She got you. A client: Thanks, ma'am. Eric: Not him. He doesn't get one. Client: What gives, bro? Eric comes near him. Eric: What'd you do to your arm there... bro? (Bill comes. To Bill) I take it your business here is done? Bill: I came to talk to Sookie. Eric: I'll give you three minutes. We have a tribunal to get to. Sookie: What? Bill: Come with me. He brings her outside. Eric: Oh, before I go, a word of advice: We know when a human has wronged us. We can smell it. So do not make the mistake of letting the pretty vampire lady on television make you feel too comfortable. We may not have retaliated... yet... but we know who you are. Have a nice night. Scene 24: Out of the Merlotte's - Sookie, Bill, Eric, Pam, Chow, Tara Bill (to Sookie): I have no choice, I have to go. Sookie: Why? Bill: Because I killed a vampire. Sookie: I know that, I was there, remember? He was gonna kill mw. You were defending me. Bill: if one of you killed another one of you defending one of us, there would be a tribunal. Sookie: I'll come with you then. Bill: No. Sookie: I can and I'm going to. I wanna testify for you. Bill: Damn it, you can't. You can't come. And you can't testify. You will not be welcomed there. Sookie: You lied to me. You said everything was gonna be okay but it's not, is it? Bill: I honestly don't know. Eric (a little far from them): Ticktock, Bill Sookie: Bill... Bill: Just look after yourself, all right? I've asked Sam to watch over you. Sookie: Wish you hadn't have done that. Bill: Be smart, Sookie, and just let him. There's still somebody out there who wants to kill you. Sookie: Fine. I will. Bill: Thank you. Eric: And time. Sookie and Bill kiss. Tara arrive and sees them from far. Pam: If I had any feelings, I'd have the chills right about now. Eric: Not me. (Loud) Bill. Now. They stop kissing, and Bill goes to Eric. Sookie is crying. The vampires leave. Sookie goes to Tara. Tara: You all right? Sookie: No. Tara: Look, I'm sorry about... Sookie: Tara, right now I din't remember what it is I'm supposed to be mad at you for so why don't we just forget it, okay? Tar: Hey, that's good to me. They hug. Scene 25: At Jason's basement - Jason, Eddie Jason: It was in the flood. Eddie: A flood? Oh, my. Jason: Yep. It was the sh1ts. But you gotta play the hand you're dealt, I guess. Eddie: And when you say you were living at your grandmother's I take it to mean your grandfather was already gone? I'm so sorry. Jason: Why? It wasn't your fault. Eddie: It's just that a boy needs a man in his life to teach him what it means to be a man. Jason: Yeah, whatever. Eddie: That's the hardest part of all this for me. My boy. He's got nothing but women around him now. He needs me. I'm not there. Jason: Well, I'm sure he'll be all right. I mean, look at me, huh? Don't you glimmer me. Amy warned me about that. Eddie: I'm too depleted to glamour you. That's something I haven't quite mastered yet, anyway. Jason: Really? You can't just do it? Eddie: Learning to be a vampire doesn't happen overnight any more than learning to be a man does. You gonna marry her? Jason: Who, Amy? I don't know. We haven't been together that long. But... just between you and me? I could really see her being the one. Eddie: She's not. Jason: What? Eddie: Don't do it. Don't marry her. Jason" None of your business. Eddie: She's a psychopath. Jason: Hey, f* you, Eddie. Eddie: She is. She is fat more dangerous than I could ever be. Jason (shouting): That's enough. (Calmer) Look, I gotta go out and get some more beer. But while I'm gone, keep your f**** howling to a minimum. Jason leaves. Scene 26: At Merlotte's - Sam Tara Tara: Can we talk about it now? Sam: Sure. (She gives him the envelope) That's not talking about it. They go in Sam's office. Tara: I can't take it, Sam. I appreciate it, I do. But... Sam: You're keeping it. Tara: You can't tell me I'm keeping it. Sam: It's my money, so, yes, I can. Tara: You're a stubborn son of a b. Sam: Well, that makes two of us. You really believe you have a demon in you? Tara: I think I got something inside me that is scared and pissed off and mean and Sam and Tara: F*-up. Tara: Think it's stupid, don't you? Sam: Look, two years ago nobody even knew there was such a thing as vampires. Now we gotta deal with them every goddamn day. And who knows what else is out there? Tara: 800 bucks? That's a lot of money, Sam. Sam: Yeah, well people in this town drink a lot. Well I'm doing okay. She takes back the envelope. Tara: So I guess I'm having an exorcism. Sam: You're welcome. Tara: Oh, Sam. I don't know how to ever thank... He kisses her. Scene 27: At Merlotte's - Lafayette, Sookie, Amy, Sam, Tara Lafayette is cooking in the kitchen when Sookie comes in. Lafayette: Interesting night, huh, Sook? Sookie: Yeah, I guess. Maybe a little too interesting. Lafayette: S, ain't no such a thing as too interesting, only too dull. Sookie leaves. Lafayette (to John): So, John, how big is your d**? Sookie sees Tara and Sam kissing in Sam's office. She goes back in the kitchen. Sookie: You know what? There is such a thing as too interesting. Sookie goes at the bar. Sookie (to Amy): Where's Arlene? Amy: Well, she just left. Sookie: Of course she did. I have to get out of here. Would you mind covering the rest of my side work for me? Amy: Sure, but is that really the best idea, you going home by yourself? Sookie: I'm not. I'm going to stay at Bill's. No one'll come looking for me there. Amy: Okay, then. Sookie: Thanks, I owe you one. Sookie leaves. Amy: No worries. Sookie leaves on her car. Sam goes to the bar. Sam: Oh, hey, Amy. Amy: Hey. Sam: Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for everything you've been doing. You're fitting in great around here. Really. Amy: Well. I should be the one thanking you. Lord knows I needed this job. But you are welcome. Sam: So where are the others? Amy: Arlene had to get back to her kids and Sookie took off a couple of minutes ago. Sam: What? Amy: Yeah, I tried to stop her, but... Sam: She say where she was headed? Amy: She was going to Bill's. Amy: Goddamn it, Sook. Sam leaves, running. Scene 28: Outside the Merlotte's - Sam, Andy Sam is running to his car. Andy: Hey there, Sam. Turns out that story you told me the other day about growing up in a nudist colony didn't exactly check out. We need to talk. Sam: Sure, just... You know, I forgot something in the bar, but I'll be right back. Okay? He goes back inside. The dog of Merlotte's passes in front of Andy. Andy: Hey, dog. Well, screw you too. Scene 29: At Bill's - Sookie, the dog Sookie arrives at Bill's. She sees the dog in front of her. Sookie: Oh, my God. Didn't anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on people like that? What are you doing so far away from home? Why don't you come spend the night with me and I'll take you back to Merlotte's tomorrow, okay? Come on. It's night-night time. They enter Bill's house. Sookie: Come on. Come on. They are in Bill's room. Sookie: You know, if we're gonna be sleeping together we're gonna need a name to call you by. What do you think of "Dean"? Yeah, I like it too. Dean. Dean the dog. Look at you, looking away. What a gentleman. Here, would it make you more comfortable if I got under the covers? She goes under the covers. Sookie: Come on. Hop up in the bed with me. You can't sleep on the floor all night. You're gonna catch a draft. Now, hop up here. (The dog goes on the bed.) Good boy, Dean. Sweet dreams. She turns off the lights and sleeps. Scene 29: At Jason's - Jason, Eddie Jason arrives home. He goes down to the basement with Tru Blood bottles. Jason: Eddie? Eddie, wake up. Wake up. Here. Eddie: You brought me Tru Blood? Jason gives him to drink. Jason: Just drink. Scene 30: At Bill's - Sookie, Sam Sookie: Dean, you're on my feet. Dean. She opens her eyes and seats. Sookie: Sam? Sam is naked, on the bed, at Dean's place. They both scream.
doc_228	VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars Veronica runs to the edge of the cliff in the wake of the bus crash in 201 "Normal Is the Watchword." Dick and Beaver are standing back from the edge, gazing down. Gia is standing at the edge, stunned. GIA: It just went straight off the cliff. They're all dead. Veronica finds the audio file attached to the message "Kill incorporation or else" on one of the little used computers in the Goodman house in 221 "Happy Go Lucky." PETER: Woody's a pervert. He's sick. What he did to us is wrong. Veronica plays the audio for Keith. VERONICA: Two of the boys who died in the bus crash were on Woody's Little League team. Keith challenges Woody in Woody's office. KEITH: Most adults keep their hands off of other people's children. Lamb sits back at his desk, refusing to take action against Woody. KEITH: You'll be the guy who let a child-molester and a murderer get away. In the courtroom, Lamb gives Keith the bad news. LAMB: Woody's gone. He took his private plane. At the high school, Weevil talks to Veronica. WEEVIL: My grandmother asked me for one thing, my whole life. She wants to see me walk across that stage at graduation. A cloth-filled hand pops out from behind a vehicle, catching Thumper and covering his mouth and nose in 217 "Plan B." THUMPER: [offscreen] It's Weevil, I'm telling you! Weevil stands over the unconscious Thumper at the back of the vehicle and takes his drug money. THUMPER: [offscreen] He set me up! Thumper, handcuffed to a urinal at Shark Field Stadium, pleads. THUMPER: I got something on you. A cloth is stuffed in Thumper's mouth by Liam Fitzpatrick. Cut to Logan depressing the plunger to detonate the explosives to bring the stadium down. At the sound of the first explosion, Thumper realises his fate. Cut to a confessional. WEEVIL: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Veronica dresses in the doctor's office in 220 "Look Who's Stalking." VERONICA: I've got what? DOCTOR: Chlamydia. At the front door of his house, Terrence hands Wallace a note in 221 "Happy Go Lucky." TERRENCE: Jackie left for France this morning. At the alterna-prom, Logan, having poured in the booze, pours out his heart to Veronica in 220 "Look Who's Stalking." LOGAN: I thought our story was epic. He moves in slowly to kiss her. Veronica panics. VERONICA: I have to go. Veronica stands at Logan's door the next morning. VERONICA: I don't want to lose you from my life. Kendall makes an entrance in her bikini in 201 "Normal Is the Watchword." At Neptune High, Beaver tells Veronica about his stepmother as they walk across the empty lunch area in 203 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang." BEAVER: My stepmom. She's a gold digger. Aaron has a deal for Kendall in 215 "The Quick and the Wed." AARON: You're cash-strapped. I can help. But...quid pro quo, Mrs. C. Kendall takes a hair from Duncan's shower. AARON: [offscreen] Quid pro quo. Aaron stares triumphantly at Veronica in 221 "Happy Go Lucky." JURY FOREMAN: [offscreen] We find the defendant not guilty. Veronica is near to tears. End previouslies. EXT - COUNTY BUILDING - DAY. There is a huge crowd outside the building that houses the courtroom. Most of the crowd are delighted, cheering and clapping. VOICE IN THE CROWD: Aaron! There are other various shouts and the crowd, fronted by the cameras and microphones of the press, surges forward as Aaron comes out with his lawyers (except for Lavoie). VERONICA VOICEOVER: So this is how it is. The innocent suffer. The guilty go free. And truth and fiction are pretty much interchangeable. Aaron acknowledges the crowd happily. REPORTER: Mr. Echolls, how do you feel about your acquittal? AARON: I-I feel relieved to have my name cleared of this, this...horrible crime. The crowd cheers and claps anew. VERONICA VOICEOVER: There is neither a Santa Claus nor an Easter Bunny, and there are no angels watching over us. Veronica and Keith are in the crowd, neither cheering nor clapping. Veronica is staring at Aaron, her arms crossed in front of her, miserable. Keith tightens his hold on her. KEITH: Hey. He gently touches her chin to turn her head away and starts to lead her out of the crowd. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Things just happen for no reason. Aaron continues to enjoy the adulation of the crowd, holding up the victory V sign with both hands. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS (MI) - DAY. This image is what appears on the front page of the Neptune Register newspaper, under the heading "Echolls Acquitted. Movie star found not guilty in teen's murder." Veronica slaps the paper down on her desk. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And nothing makes any sense. Veronica, sitting at her desk, stares down at the paper. Keith is standing next to her. KEITH: We will not do this. Keith reaches over her to take the paper. KEITH: You can't let this stick in your head. He has to tug to get it out of her hands. KEITH: However wrong it turned out, it's done. We're people with lives, and we will not obsess. We move on. Aaron Echolls will get his justice in his own way. VERONICA: You really believe that? KEITH: Yes. Now, come on. We're running a business here. He taps her arm with the folded up newspaper. KEITH: Look alive. Keith returns to his own office. He sits down, but it too wound up himself to do anything other than pick up the paper and start to read it. Outside in the main office, the buzz of an in-coming fax is heard. Veronica gets up to collect the fax. She reads it. In his office, Keith is agitated as he reads the paper. Veronica appears at the door and sees what he is doing. VERONICA: What happened to moving on? Caught in the act, Keith closes up the paper and tosses it aside. VERONICA: Posted today: Meg's dad offering twenty grand for the capture of Woody Goodman. She hands him the fax. KEITH: Well, I'm sure someone will get him. Keith glances at it before handing it back to her. VERONICA: Didn't you say something about "we have a business to run"? Keith nods his head, taking on an innocent demeanour. VERONICA: Shouldn't you be out hunting him down like the dog he is? KEITH: I also said something about us being people with lives. See, I have this kid who's gonna graduate from high school. I don't wanna miss it. VERONICA: This is Woody Goodman. He blew up a bus and molested children. KEITH: Guess I'm just sentimental. INT - JAVA THE HUT - NIGHT. Wallace is at one of the small tables. There is an untouched piece of cake on the table, pushed away from him. In his hand is Jackie's note. Veronica, in her work gear, slides into the seat opposite him. She has a file in her hand which she sets down on the table. VERONICA: When the management gives you free cake, you're supposed to eat it. I thought you were prepared for Jackie going. WALLACE: Never figured it'd go down like this. VERONICA: She left you a note? WALLACE: "But I was afraid if I saw you, I wouldn't be able to get on a plane. I'll always...." Well, then it's just a bunch of private stuff. Wallace, dispirited, puts his elbow on the table and rests his face on his bunched-up fist. He looks at Veronica. WALLACE: What can you do about that? VERONICA: You could use a method time-tested by women throughout the ages. Veronica points to the cake. VERONICA: Gorge on cake. Wallace glances down at it, not tempted. Veronica spots something behind Wallace. VERONICA: I'll be right back. She picks up the file and walks towards the entrance. A boy is standing there. VERONICA: Johnny Ludden? Thanks for dropping by. JOHNNY: Sure. Free gelato just to show up? Why not. From the file in her hand, Veronica pulls out a picture. It is a blow up of the picture from Woody's wall of the eleven boy Little League team. On it, Veronica has written the names of the boys she has identified: Jamie Leahy, Tyson Richarsdon (sic), Johnny Ludden, Jordan Taylor, Michael Curry, Peter Ferrer, Franklin Carvahlos, Justin Mize, Robin Luddington and Marcos Oliveres. There is one boy on the far left that she has not identified. She shows Johnny the picture, her finger pointing to the boy she has identified as Johnny. VERONICA: Is this you in Woody's old team? JOHNNY: Yeah. So, do I have to eat here, or could I get the gelato in a carton? VERONICA: Just a few more questions first. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Veronica enters the apartment, staring at the photograph. Keith is in the armchair, reading. KEITH: Hey, honey. VERONICA: Hey, Dad. Neither have glanced up, both intent on their activities. The phone rings. Veronica answers. VERONICA: Hello? VINNIE: [on the phone] Hey, Veronica Mars! Is your dad home? Veronica grins and holds out the phone. VERONICA: You've got a call... Keith looks up curiously. VERONICA: ...from Vinnie Vanlowe. Keith makes an exaggerated "huh" face. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - NIGHT. VINNIE: So, of course you know about the bounty on this Goodman guy. KEITH: I'm aware of it, yes. VINNIE: Twenty Gs? That's big-boy money. Gonna be a lot of top guys out there for it. I had a thought. We team up. Mars and Vanlowe. Pool our resources. Split the cash. KEITH: Sheriff got you on video breaking into Woody's house. Vinnie beckons Keith closer and steps forward, revealing that Vinnie is in a jail cell. VINNIE: [quietly] But Johnny Law don't know what I got. KEITH: What do you got? VINNIE: All his records: tax, medical, corporate, the whole enchilada. We nail him, we split sixty-forty. I'm the sixty, by the way. KEITH: Fifty-fifty, if the stuff you got pans out and no action until after my daughter's graduation. VINNIE: I'm in jail! I deserve sixty. Keith holds up his hand and rubs his thumb and forefinger together. VINNIE: I risk my life to bring a fugitive to justice and you're giving me world's tiniest violin. KEITH: Guess I'm just heartless. VERONICA: [offscreen] He's got, like... INT - MI - DAY. Keith and Veronica are working at her desk, going through piles and piles of papers. VERONICA: ...ten credit cards in different corporate names. We're gonna have to put a trace on all of them. Veronica picks up another file and opens it. VERONICA: And he has a pilot's license. KEITH: Seasonal allergies, bad arches... Keith flips up the paper he's reading to the sheet underneath. KEITH: ...and he had the clap. Hm. Veronica freezes. KEITH: Treated twice for Chlamydia. Didn't see that in his campaign materials. Veronica is uncomfortable. Keith carries on, oblivious. KEITH: Bingo. Heart arrhythmia. VERONICA: So that's our strategy? Just wait for him to drop dead? KEITH: He has to take a pill every day. There any way you can find out Gia Goodman's cell phone access code? VERONICA: Gia's cell? KEITH: Woody's lawyer is also an old college buddy of his. If he'd call anyone, it'd be him. If we had Gia's code and could forward her calls... VERONICA: I guarantee you she hasn't changed it from the factory default. KEITH: Then I have a plan. DREAM: INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. An alarm placed on a white bedside table goes off at 6:30am. Also on the table are some pictures, some candles, a spray bottle, a diary, and a porcelain dog (or pig). The room is bathed in pale pink light. Without opening her eyes, Veronica pulls a small pillow over her head, sighing. She removes it on the sound of a knock at the door. LIANNE: Up and at 'em, honey. Lianne marches in, carrying folded clothes. The room is not Veronica's bedroom at the apartment, but in a different house. Lianne sets the clothes on top of a chest of drawers. She is grinning ear to ear. LIANNE: Can you believe the big day is finally here? Lianne exits the room. Veronica, still half asleep, is confused as she gets up. Cut to a little later. Veronica, dressed in a strapless summer dress with a petticoat frill, walks out into a smart kitchen. At the end is a breakfast table. Keith is there, in his sheriff's uniform. He watches her as she approaches the table. KEITH: There she is. Veronica pauses a moment before taking her seat. VERONICA: The eyes are bright, the tail is bushy. Lianne puts pancakes on Keith's plate and then on Veronica's. VERONICA: Pancakes, Mom? Are you trying to give me an early jump on the freshman fifteen. Lianne laughs. LIANNE: Eat up. You think the dining halls at San Diego State are gonna feed you like this? She puts the empty plate from which she served the pancakes down on the kitchen counter just in time as Keith grabs her around the waist and pulls her onto his lap. KEITH: Hmm. I love pancakes. LIANNE: Well... They start to kiss. Veronica stares at them in mixed wonder and bewilderment. Keith looks over at her. KEITH: What? A comment? "Get a room"? You just gagged in your mouth? Lianne giggles. VERONICA: No, it's nice. Lianne pulls herself up from Keith's hold and leans forwards to feel Veronica's forehead. LIANNE: Are you okay? VERONICA: All right. Lianne laughs again and goes to the kitchen. Keith busies himself preparing his pancakes. VERONICA: So how's the sheriff business? KEITH: Pretty sweet. We've got Otis sleeping it off in cell one and Lamb has to wear the Clete, the Crime-Fighting Canine costume to all the elementary schools this week. Lianne returns with a camera. She sits down on Keith's lap. LIANNE: Um, listen. After the ceremony, don't run off with that boy because we want to take pictures, and lots of them. VERONICA: And I can't wait. LIANNE: Okay, then you should practice. Say "cheese." Lianne points the camera. GIRLS: [offscreen] Cheese! The scene shifts to... EXT - NEPTUNE HIGH SCHOOL (NHS), LUNCH AREA - DAY. ...a camera as it flashes. A girl takes a picture of friends as Veronica passes behind her. She is heading for one of the tables where Logan is sitting on top of it and Duncan is sitting on its bench. Both have their graduation caps on. Duncan, and many of the students milling around them are wearing their gowns. Duncan and Logan are laughing. VERONICA: They gave me the wrong cap and gown. Logan pulls the cap off of his head and looks inside it. LOGAN: Yeah, how exactly can you tell? As Dick wanders over to join them, Veronica holds up the plastic bag containing the cap and gown she has been given. VERONICA: It's got someone else's name on it. DICK: Guess who's going commando? DUNCAN: Must we? VERONICA: Does anyone know Wallace Fennel? Veronica mispronounces "Fennel." DUNCAN: I do, he's in my PE class. Awesome baller. I think he works at Sac-n-Pac. VERONICA: "Awesome baller." That doesn't really help me. Can you point him out? DICK: You didn't hear what happened to him? Sac-n-Pac got held up when he was working. Logan smiles and looks down. DICK: The robber forced him into the walk-in cooler...he got frostbite. DUNCAN: Yeah, dude lost three fingers. VERONICA: [horrified] Oh my god, that's awful. Duncan and Dick erupt into laughter, congratulating themselves. Logan slips off the table and walks towards Veronica. LOGAN: Aw, sweetie, I love you. But you have to be the most gullible girl I've ever met. He kisses her. VERONICA: I'm trusting, sue me. Duncan points into the distance. DUNCAN: There he is, that's Wallace. Veronica looks behind her. Wallace, wearing glasses, is carrying another cap and gown. VERONICA: Wallace? Veronica leaves the boys to chase Wallace. Behind her, Dick is showing the next table what's underneath his robes, causing Logan to spin around and laugh. VERONICA: Wallace. Wallace? WALLACE: Yeah. VERONICA: I think I have your cap and gown. WALLACE: That must make you Veronica Mars? VERONICA: It does. They swap. WALLACE: So. Lookin' forward to gettin' out of here? VERONICA: I guess. I don't know. High school was a blast. Right? WALLACE: Oh, you're one of those. VERONICA: What's that supposed to mean? WALLACE: Nothing. Have a good life. I'm sure you will. Wallace walks away. Veronica worries over the scene for a moment but is distracted when she sees someone by the fountain and runs to her. VERONICA: Lilly! LILLY: Hey! They hug. VERONICA: Tell me about everything! Tell me about this new guy. Tell me about Vassar. LILLY: The guy is gone. We had a little screaming over fooling around with his ex. VERONICA: That bstrd. LILLY: Oh no, no. It was, um, it was me. She laughs. Veronica looks shocked. LILLY: I kinda fooled around with his ex. I mean, you'd think that guys would dig that, right? What? It's college. It's expected. You'll see. VERONICA: God, it's so good to see you. LILLY: What is this? Lilly points behind her. LILLY: A Lilly Kane memorial fountain? Do you smell bacon? END DREAM. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. In her own room, Veronica is woken by Keith poking his head into her room. KEITH: Graduation day! Get up! Lots to do! I'm making breakfast. Keith belatedly knocks on the door on his way out. Having raised her head slightly, Veronica lets it fall back on the pillow. Opening credits. EXT - NEPTUNE STREETS - DAY. A man in a business suit, carrying a briefcase, strides towards and enters a building. He is being watched by Keith, parked on the other side of the street. Keith talks into his cell. KEITH: Get ready. INT - LEE'S OFFICE - DAY. The man, Woody Goodman's lawyer Bill Lee, is met by his assistant in front of his office. ASSISTANT: Morning Mr. Lee. Gia Goodman asked you to call her on her cell. She proffers him a slip of paper. LEE: It's all right. I got the number. He goes into his office and sits down at his desk. He fits an earpiece and then dials a number from memory. It rings on the other end. LEE: Gia? Bill Lee. VERONICA AS GIA: [on phone] Hey, so, I'm trying to get a message to Dad... INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. Veronica, dressed in a black, halter-neck dress, is at her desk. VERONICA AS GIA: But he didn't leave us a forwarding...it's just, we got a call from Dr. Hoover and I guess his heart pills are fifty mil-something this time instead of a hundred... EXT - NEPTUNE STREETS - CONTINUING. In his car, Keith is listening and monitoring the call with some fancy tech equipment. VERONICA AS GIA: [on phone] So he has to take two. It's really important. LEE: [on phone] Got it, Gia. I'll see what I can do. You take care, honey. INT - LEE'S OFFICE - CONTINUING. Lee leans forward at his desk to dial another number. EXT - NEPTUNE STREETS - CONTINUING. In the car, Keith can listen in on the call. VOICE ON PHONE: [on phone] Quail Creek Lodge. LEE: [on phone] I need to leave a message for Mr. Underhill please. Keith places one device over another. Against the sound of a ringing phone of the call being forwarded, Keith gets a number: 775-555-0122. KEITH: Bingo. INT - NHS, GYM - DAY. The camera looks down onto the cap of a student on which is written "Neptune High Class of 2006" in chalk. The student walks on and the camera pulls up to reveal the room which is decorated with a large arch of green and gold balloons. Visitors are taking their seats in the stands. The students who are graduating are to sit in the middle of the auditorium, in front of a small stage set up on the opposite wall to the visitors. Proceeding amongst the crowd is Keith and Veronica in her cap and gown. She has a large gold medallion around her neck. KEITH: After you talked to Woody's lawyer, he immediately called the number for Quail Creek Lodge, twenty miles outside of Reno. It's a stocked hunting ranch, rich businessmen shooting captive birds. VERONICA: You think Woody's there? KEITH: I checked Google Earth. Satellite photos show a landing strip and a building big enough to hold a plane. I'm on a flight to Reno, leaving an hour after graduation. VERONICA: I don't know if I like the idea of you running around a place full of armed, drunk businessmen. KEITH: That's why I rarely go to Texas. I'll be fine. [repeats in a whisper] I'll be fine. He leans forward and kisses her. KEITH: I'll call as soon as I have him. Keith grins proudly and goes to take his seat in the stands. Veronica watches him, and then notices Weevil escorting two small children and his grandmother to their seats. His grandmother, who, if she is Leticia Navarro, has aged considerably, is using a walker to slowly make her way to the stands. Veronica gives a little smile as Weevil's grandmother reaches up to adjust his cap. Cut to a little later. The band plays "Pomp and Circumstance" throughout the ceremony and Clemmons is in the middle of calling the students up one by one. CLEMMONS: John Enbom. There's applause as John Enbom makes his way left to right across the stage. CLEMMONS: Wallace Fennel. The cheers are louder for Wallace. Alicia is in the stands and rises to applaud her son. Veronica puts her hands to her mouth to use as a megaphone for a big whoo-hoo, clapping strenuously. Alicia does the same (without the hands) from the stands. Veronica is still clapping when a finger pokes her in the shoulder. Mac is sitting in the same row and they are separated by a male student. Veronica leans back so she can talk to Mac behind his back. MAC: Guess what? CLEMMONS: Stacey Fields. VERONICA: What? MAC: Beaver got us a room at the Neptune Grand for tonight. VERONICA: Oo-la-la. MAC: Any advice? VERONICA: Close your eyes and think of England? Mac is not impressed. CLEMMONS: Howard Grigsby. VERONICA: Just relax. Mac grins and returns her attention to the front. The entire row stands up and starts to make their way to the side of the stage. CLEMMONS: Hadley Klein. Veronica pauses at the end of the row, spotting Lamb and a deputy. Lamb passes her with hardly a glance. Veronica turns to follow him with her gaze. CLEMMONS: Phil Klemmer. Lamb stops two rows behind Veronica's. Weevil is sitting at the end of it. Lamb stares down at him. Weevil looks up at him, not happy. There's applause going on for Phil Klemmer and one of the students shouts out. STUDENT: Yo, Klemmer! LAMB: Eli Navarro. You are under arrest in connection with the murder of Eduardo Orozco. WEEVIL: No, man. LAMB: You have the right... WEEVIL: You're not going to do this, not here. LAMB: ...to remain silent. Anything you say may be... WEEVIL: Just give me ten minutes, okay? LAMB: ...used as evidence in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one-- Weevil erupts, jumping up and getting in Lamb's face. WEEVIL: [screaming] Just let me graduate. Clemmons hears this from the stage and gazes worriedly at the scene. Lamb is completely unfazed and uncaring. LAMB: One may be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights? WEEVIL: Please. Don't do this, man. LAMB: Cuff him. Let's get him out of here. The deputy goes to cuff Weevil. He jerks away. LAMB: Hey, hey. You want to do this the hard way? Lamb puts his hand on his gun. LAMB: Huh? Weevil turns his head to look back at his grandmother, who is holding the two youngsters and showing concern. Clemmons gets back to work. CLEMMONS: Todd McDade. Weevil sighs and lets himself be cuffed and led away. LAMB: Let's go. He stares at Veronica as he is led past her. CLEMMONS: Cindy Mackenzie. There's a smattering of applause. Beaver, in the stands with Dick, claps loudly and grins. Dick is clapping with less enthusiasm. CLEMMONS: Scott Markham. The boy who had been sitting next to Veronica is given his diploma. Clemmons leans down to the microphone. CLEMMONS: Veronica Mars. Keith jumps up from his seat and shouts out, clapping hard with his hands over his head. KEITH: Yep, yep. The applause is loud (although there are some boos in there as well). People shout out her name. Veronica is stunned by the volume and looks out over the gym. Mac, already in her seat, gives a loud holler. Wallace shouts out. WALLACE: Well done, V. Logan, with a crooked smile, claps. Veronica smiles proudly and goes to Clemmons, her surprise still showing on her face. Clemmons leans forward, covering the microphone with his hand. CLEMMONS: You were expecting some other reaction? He hands Veronica her scroll VERONICA: I... CLEMMONS: I can't decide if my life is going to be easier or more difficult with you gone. Anything I should know in case I get another one like you someday? VERONICA: Don't keep all your passwords taped on the bottom of your stapler. And stay cool Mr. C. Veronica grabs the cap's tassle and moves it to the other side with a grin before leaving the stage. Clemmons watches her go with something close to regret. EXT - NHS - DAY. Students and guests alike are milling around outside. Keith ducks between people to reach Veronica. She laughs. Keith pulls an envelope out of his jacket. KEITH: For you on this momentous occasion. Veronica takes the envelope and feels it up and down. She shakes it. She smells it. Keith smiles at her. Veronica jumps up and down with childish glee. VERONICA: A pony? She opens the envelope and pulls out airline tickets. She reads them. VERONICA: New York? KEITH: We leave Tuesday. VERONICA: [with increasing excitement] Broadway, Soho, the MOMA? Keith shakes his head, running down his favoured itinerary. KEITH: Yankee Stadium, Shea Stadium, Madison Square Gardens. Veronica jumps into his arms to hug him. VERONICA: Oh, thank you so much. This is awesome. She lets him go. She slaps him on the arm. VERONICA: Awesome. Now, go catch Woody. I get creeped out just knowing he's out there somewhere. KEITH: All right. You have fun tonight. VERONICA: That's the plan. Keith leaves. Veronica is looking down at the tickets when she is slapped on the ass by Dick, who is wearing a t-shirt that says "Trust me...I'm rich." She looks up, offended. Dick is oblivious. DICK: Put on your dancing shoes, Mars, 'cause tonight... He starts to dance. DICK: We're gonna up chuck the boogie to rhythm of the boogie the beat. VERONICA: Up chuck? Dick points at her. DICK: You heard me. Veronica aims two finger guns at his back. She heads for her car, whipping off her gown. She's still in the black halter neck dress. The LeBaron's top is down and Veronica throws her things into it before climbing in. ALICIA: [offscreen] Veronica! Veronica looks up. Alicia is standing by the other side of the car, holding a note. ALICIA: Do you know about this? VERONICA: I don't. What's wrong? ALICIA: Wallace left this note for me on my windshield. He's booked himself a flight to Paris. He's gonna try to track down Jackie. Veronica sighs. EXT - BROOKLYN, NY - DAY. A wide shot of the bridges between Manhattan and Brooklyn leads to... INT - BROOKLYN DAN'S - DAY. ...a small diner. CUSTOMER: Hey, can I get the check, please? The door opens and a small boy enters, followed by Jackie. CHILD: Mommy, mommy. The child runs forward into the diner, heading for a waitress named Kim who smiles at him. She then looks up at Jackie. KIM: You're ten minutes late. JACKIE: Cut me some slack, Ma. I haven't even been back two days. KIM: Jackie. You ain't in Neptune no more. Terrence Cook vanity camp is over. This is real life. Jackie has taken off her coat. She is also wearing the uniform of a waitress. She drops her coat, not thrilled by her life. A phone rings. Kim answers. KIM: Brooklyn Dan's. She listens for a moment. KIM: Yeah. Hold on. She holds the receiver out for Jackie. KIM: It's for you. JACKIE: Hello? VERONICA: [on phone] What? No bonjour? JACKIE: Veronica? INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. Veronica is in her bedroom. JACKIE: [on phone] How did you know? VERONICA: Well, first, three point one GPA doesn't scream Sorbonne. INT - BROOKLYN DAN'S - CONTINUING. The camera continues to switch between the locations. VERONICA: And the Java job. You're a might good service industry worker for the daughter of a model living on the Upper West Side... Jackie sighs. She glances over at Kim, who is lifting the little boy onto the counter. VERONICA:...who never held a job before. I've known for a while. JACKIE: Look, I might have lied about my life but I swear, I never lied to Wallace about how I felt. VERONICA: Whatever you told him, it really did the trick because he just got on a plane to Paris. The good news is, he's a four hour layover at JFK, so you can go tell him the truth before... Jackie glances at her mother, who is watching her. VERONICA:...he's forced to endure several ugly days of rude waiters for nothing. EXT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL (NGH) - DAY. The camera pans down the building as a taxi arrives. INT - NGH, RECEPTION - DAY. Logan is collecting his mail. AARON: [offscreen] Hello, Logan. Logan looks up and at his father, before returning his attention to his post. It's fairly clear that he is not happy to see Aaron. LOGAN: What are you doing here? AARON: Well, I need a place to stay. Aaron holds up one of the hotel's brochures. AARON: How are the suites? Logan, having tucked his mail under his arm, grabs some wrapped sweets from the front desk before starting to walk to the elevator. LOGAN: Well, probably an improvement over your previous digs. Logan untwists the wrapper of one of the sweets with his teeth. LOGAN: It might be a little weird though. I don't think any of the other guests killed anyone. Logan continues to concentrate on unwrapping the candy. Aaron keeps pace with him. They reach the lifts and Aaron pushes the button. AARON: You know, you should really make more of an effort to be civil to me now, Logan. Logan throws the wrapper down with great force before responding. LOGAN: Why? Because you beat a murder rap and suddenly you're my father again? He takes a bite of the candy. AARON: No, Logan. I never stopped being your father and I never will. But I got the purse strings back. He pats Logan's shoulder. AARON: You're my dependent again, son. Aaron indicates the lift, the doors of which have just opened. AARON: Going down? LOGAN: No, up. Aaron boards the lift, giving Logan a little wave and a warning look. EXT - QUAIL CREEK LODGE - DAY. A man with a gun heads for a vehicle, the door of which are opened. He gets in and the doors close as the vehicle starts up. INT - QUAIL CREEK LODGE, ROOM - DAY. Inside, Woody, in wife beater, boxers and socks, is lounging in a big leather armchair, watching The Dukes of Hazzard on TV. BO DUKE: [on TV] Marijuana? Sure got ourselves in a heap of trouble this time, cousin. LUKE DUKE: [on TV] You got that right. Boss is gonna throw the book at us, not to mention the federal government. Woody gets up and heads for the bathroom. BO: [on TV] When we break our probation, we sure do a bang up job, then don't we. LUKE: [on TV] We oughta get out of prison about the time we collect social security. Woody stands at the toilet and unzips (??) his boxers. BO: [on TV] Golly, Luke. We gotta get ourselves out of this. He notices with some alarm that the bathroom window is open. Behind him, a figure slides aside the shower curtain and steps into the room. It's Keith. Woody frantically pulls a deer's head down from the wall and throws it at Keith, who sidesteps it easily. Woody heads for the open window and starts to climb out. Keith is on him, planting the taser in the middle of Woody's back. Woody cries out and sinks to the floor. Keith, panting, pulls out his cell. OPERATOR: Information. KEITH: Yeah. Can you put me through to the local sheriff's department? EXT - QUAIL CREEK LODGE - DAY. Woody, now dressed and with his hands cuffed behind his back, is sitting on a patio chair. Keith is just finishing speaking to a deputy. KEITH: Thanks. The deputy walks away and Keith joins Woody, standing by him. KEITH: So you used me. Someone blackmails you and you use me to set up the whole girl-in-a-motel thing. Incorporation dies and your special secrets stay hidden. WOODY: Keith, I know how this must look. KEITH: If you're about to insist this is all some big misunderstanding, Woody, I kinda think you don't. WOODY: I didn't crash the bus. I could never have hurt all those kids. KEITH: I don't know, Woody. The welfare of children doesn't seem to have been terribly high on your list. WOODY: That's not how it was. It wasn't that way at all. Those boys...if you knew their fathers, how they ignored them, mistreated them, they needed someone. I listened to them, I cared about them. KEITH: Woody. Just stop. DEPUTY: [offscreen] Mr. Mars. Keith looks over at the deputy who has returned. DEPUTY: They're ready. KEITH: Thanks. Keith grabs Woody and pulls him to his feet. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Veronica is looking at the Little League photo again. Her cell rings. She checks the caller ID before answering. She smiles. VERONICA: You caught him. EXT - AIRPORT - CONTINUING. The camera switches between the two of them throughout the call. KEITH: Loading him onto his own plane as we speak. Soon as the pilot gets here, we'll be homeward bound. VERONICA: Did he confess to the crash? KEITH: Unfortunately, he insists that he didn't do it so we're gonna need a lot more evidence to nail him. VERONICA: I'm still trying to find that third kid from the tape. At the airport, a man standing near the plane waves at Keith. VERONICA: I've got everyone on the team identified except one guy. I think I know where to find him though. KEITH: Pilot just got here. I'll be in late, so don't wait up. See you in the morning, honey. They end the call and Keith boards the plane. EXT - WOODY'S HAMBURGERS RESTAURANT - DAY. Veronica climbs out of the LeBaron and heads into the fast food place. INT - WOODY'S HAMBURGERS RESTAURANT - CONTINUING. Veronica enters and walks over to the side where there is a display of Woody's baseball memorabilia. She finds the photo of the Little League Team. This picture is captioned with the names of the players. She finds the boy who is unidentified and runs her finger down to the bottom, ascertaining his name. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Derek Applegate. Who are you and where do you live? Veronica runs her eyes along the caption, finally seeing at the bottom the words "Not Pictured." The name against it is Cassidy Casablancas. Things fall into place and Veronica goes into shock. VERONICA: Oh god. Cut to a little later. Veronica is in the restroom, lifting her head from the sink, panting heavily. She is sweaty and pale as she stares at herself in the mirror. EXT - WOODY'S HAMBURGERS RESTAURANT - DAY. Veronica exits the restaurant, her cell phone to her ear. It is ringing the other end. VERONICA: Pick up, pick up, pick up. INT - NGH, FUNCTION ROOM - CONTINUING. The post-graduation party is already in full swing. Beaver and Mac, happy, smiling and holding hands, walk through the party. Mac's phone is on her hip and she doesn't hear it over the sound of the music (unidentified). EXT - WOODY'S HAMBURGERS RESTAURANT - CONTINUING. Veronica races to her car, listening to Mac's message. MAC: It's Mac. Leave a message. Veronica talks as she climbs into the car. VERONICA: Mac, it's Veronica. You have to get away from Beaver. Do whatever you have to do, but get away from him, he's dangerous. Call me when you hear this. Veronica terminates the call and puts the key in the ignition. She punches in another number. VERONICA: A listing for Hart Hanson? INT - NGH, FUNCTION ROOM - DAY. Another track plays, also unidentified so far. Dick and some others are encouraging Beaver to down a pint of beer while Mac watches. DICK AND THE CROWD: Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug. Beaver finishes it with a flourish. DICK: Oh, that's what I'm talking about. It feels good to be a man from time to time, huh? BEAVER: Yes. They tap forearms. DICK: Enbom, get over here. Dick drifts away. MAC: All I ask is that you don't follow that performance with a belch. BEAVER: Do you want to go check out the room? MAC: It's liquid. It's courage. It's liquid courage. BEAVER: Yeah, well there's, uh, there's nothing up there that I'm afraid of. Mac and Beaver leave the party and head for the lifts through the lobby. Corny spots them. CORNY: Did you hear? Veronica's dad caught the mayor. It's all over the news. They're flying him out tonight on Woody's plane. That sleazoid's gonna fry. Corny relishes his rendition of the effects of an electric chair. INT - NGH, BEAVER'S ROOM - NIGHT. Against the backdrop of activity in the bed, Mac's phone buzzes uselessly on the hotel room's bureau. INT - NGH, FUNCTION ROOM - NIGHT. Veronica enters the party, looking desperately for Mac and Beaver. Another unidentified song is playing. Logan can be heard talking to some people. LOGAN: No way! No way, that's stupid, man, I wouldn't do that-- Veronica grabs his arm and pulls Logan aside. VERONICA: Hey! Have you seen Beaver and Mac. LOGAN: [slightly drunk] Yeah, they were here earlier. Logan sobers up fast when he realises how panicked Veronica is. LOGAN: What's wrong? VERONICA: I think Beaver-- Veronica stops when she realises that Dick has joined them. DICK: What? VERONICA: Where's your brother? DICK: I think he took Ghost World up to his room. They're probably up there making love. Or playing Dungeons and Dragons. Or both, at the same time. Veronica hurries away. Logan stares after her, concerned. Dick, as usual, is oblivious. DICK: They're both, like, twelfth level dorks. I'm just saying. INT - NGH, BEAVER'S ROOM - NIGHT. Beaver is lying in the bed, looking miserable, staring at the ceiling. Mac is lying next to him, looking at him. MAC: Don't worry about it. I'm having a good time and we've got all night, okay? We're cool here. I'm just gonna hop in the shower and then we can head back down to the party. Beaver lets out his breath and turns his head to look at her. INT - NGH, RECEPTION - NIGHT. VERONICA: Can you tell me which room Cassidy Casablancas is in? RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry, we can't give out that information. I can ring his room if you'd like. VERONICA: Sure. The receptionist taps her keyboard, then smiles apologetically. RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry. There's a "Do not disturb" on the room. Veronica spins around in frustration. She starts tapping keys on her cell. INT - NGH, BEAVER'S ROOM - NIGHT. Beaver is sitting on the bed, dressed in his jeans, contemplating his failure. Mac's phone buzzes on the bureau. Beaver walks over and picks it up. It shows that the message is from Veronica, the date (June 3, 2006) and the time (8:12). Beaver reads the text message: "Get away from Beaver. Now. He's a killer. I'm in the lobby." Beaver thinks for a moment, puts the phone down and goes to his backpack. He pulls out a gun. INT - GRAND NEPTUNE HOTEL, RECEPTION - NIGHT. Veronica's phone pings. She looks at the message. It's from Mac, whose number is quoted as 1-619-555-0107, timed at 8:15 pm and received at 8:21pm, and reads: "Meet me on the roof now." Veronica hurries to the elevator, getting on while trying to dial out. As the lift doors close, she loses the signal. VERONICA: Damn it! AARON: [offscreen] Hello, Veronica. Veronica's head jerks up. She is alone in the lift with Aaron. He is holding a bottle of brandy and two brandy glasses. AARON: Well, don't look so surprised. It's a small town. Now that I'm no longer in jail, we might just run into each other from time to time. VERONICA: I'll have to pay better attention to where I'm going then. AARON: Well, it's a free country. Those founding fathers were really onto something. He walks closer to her. AARON: Freedom, it's pretty damn sweet. I like it. VERONICA: So did Lilly. Bummer you murdered her. AARON: You know, I can see why the two of you were such good friends. You're so much alike. You're not afraid to speak your minds. You know, that just might be the best part about the day I smashed her head in with an ashtray... He looms even closer. AARON: ...knowing that once and for all, she would finally shut the hell up. The elevator arrives at its first destination. AARON: Well, have a nice night, Veronica. Aaron exits, leaving Veronica shaking. EXT - NGH, ROOF - NIGHT. Veronica strides onto the roof, looking around. VERONICA: Mac? BEAVER: [offscreen] Hey, Veronica. [SCENE_BREAK] Veronica freezes. She turns around to see Beaver standing behind her, pointing the gun at her. VERONICA: Where's Mac? BEAVER: A better place. Unfortunately, she never got a chance to read your message. Now, throw me your bag. Veronica hesitates, shaking her head. BEAVER: [shouting angrily] I said throw me your bag. Veronica holds up one hand to placate him. With the other, she slides the strap of her bag off her shoulder and throws the bag towards him. Beaver picks it up, taking the taser out of it. He tosses it aside. He then pulls Mac's cell out of his pocket. He holds it up. BEAVER: So "Beaver's a killer." It's a pretty serious accusation. What exactly do you think you know? VERONICA: You played for Woody's Little League team with Marcos and Peter. He molested all three of you. They wanted to come forward. FLASHBACK: INT - NHS, CLASSROOM - DAY. In the language lab, Peter and Marcos speak urgently to Beaver, who is wearing an earpiece attached to a computer teaching him French. PETER: A couple of the Sharks had to know about it. They'll come forward. Things like this don't stay secret. MARCOS: Damn right. BEAVER: Yeah, but, I mean, do you guys really want people to know about it? PETER: He's a pervert. The computer, designed to record Beaver's attempts at French, is recording the conversation. PETER: He's sick and what he did to us is wrong. BEAVER: Look, please don't drag me into this. MARCOS: You're already in it. You'll thank us later. Peter throws Marcos a glance as Marcos gets up from the desk. Peter follows. Beaver looks at him, pleading. VERONICA: [offscreen] Peter and Marcos were going to spill. END FLASHBACK. EXT - NGH, ROOF - CONTINUING. VERONICA: That's why they had to die. My guess? You got the explosives from Curly Moran. FLASHBACK: EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - DAY. Veronica sees Beaver and Hart at his vandalised car in 221 "Happy Go Lucky." VERONICA: [offscreen] I saw you with that sophomore, Hart Hanson, last week. Hart says you worked on his war movies with him. That you were in charge of blowing things up. END FLASHBACK. EXT - NGH, ROOF - CONTINUING. VERONICA: He said you knew a guy who taught you how to do it, your dad's mechanic, former stunt coordinator, Curly Moran, right? FLASHBACK: EXT - PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY - DAY. The bus travels along the road by the sea. The limo is just behind it. DICK: [offscreen] Admit it, man. You're way happier in the limo than sitting on a bus getting eye daggers... FLASHBACK: INT - LIMO - CONTINUING. Dick and Duncan are in the seats immediately behind the partition between the driver and the rest of the vehicle, facing the back of the limo. DICK:...in the back from Meg. DUNCAN: I'd of been happier if you hadn't had that chilli dog. Two girls, in the seat along the side of the limo, giggle. Beaver is sitting in the back seat, facing the same direction as the driver. He can see the bus ahead. He has his cell in his hand. He watches carefully and then presses a button. There's the sound of an explosion. END FLASHBACK. EXT - NGH, ROOF - CONTINUING. VERONICA: Curly told Weevil that he knew who blew up the bus. He figured it out, didn't he? Beaver just smiles. VERONICA: That's why you needed him gone. You know Cervando's been bragging about hustling Liam Fitzpatrick, so you convince the PCHers that Curly blew up the bus. FLASHBACK: EXT - ROAD HOG - NIGHT. Music: "Strangehold" by Ted Nugent. LYRICS: Here I come again now baby Like a dog in heat Tell it's me by the way now baby I like to tap the streets Now I've been smoking for so long You know I'm here to stay Got you in a stranglehold baby You best get out of the way Weevil is kicking Curly, who is on the ground. One of the bikers starts to walk towards the car. PCH-ER: Yo. Beaver sees him and rushes to turn on the car's lights and ignition. This alerts the bikers, who scatter. THUMPER: Come on, man, let's go. VERONICA: [offscreen] But you have to finish the job. Curly is just getting to his feet. Beaver speeds the car straight into him. Curly's scream is cut short by the thud of the car hitting him. Curly's body is thrown up onto the bonnet. Beaver climbs out of the car and walks closer to Curly. VERONICA: [offscreen] You wanted to focus any investigation in a new direction. You knew I was a key witness in the Aaron Echolls trial, so... Beaver pulls a pen out of his pocket and writes "Veronica Mars" on Curly's hand. VERONICA: [offscreen] Convenient, wasn't it? Cut to a little later, as the car, with Curly still on the bonnet, speeds forward to the cliff's edge. VERONICA: [offscreen] The Road Hog's cliff side location? Easy to dump the body. The car brakes just before the edge and Curly's body flies off, over the cliff. End music: "Stranglehold" by Ted Nugent. END FLASHBACK. EXT - NGH, ROOF - CONTINUING. VERONICA: You didn't hire me to catch Kendall cheating on your dad, did you? You knew what he was up to and you wanted to punish him for the way he treated you. You used me to do it. BEAVER: And you were marvellous. VERONICA: [voice breaking] Now let me ask you something. How is it I got Chlamydia? Beaver raises an eyebrow. VERONICA: Woody was treated for it. I ended up with it. Shelly Pomroy's party, sophomore year. You said Dick pushed you into a room with me after I'd been roofied. But you didn't run out like you said you did, did you? Nope. You wanted to prove you were a man. FLASHBACK: INT - POMROY RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Veronica is unconscious on the bed. Beaver is sitting next to her, looking down on her. VERONICA: [offscreen] It helped that I was unconscious, didn't it? Easy to imagine whatever it is you needed to imagine. Beaver unfastens his belt. END FLASHBACK. EXT - NGH, ROOF - CONTINUING. Beaver laughs. VERONICA: [emotionally] You raped me! BEAVER: And Dick still thinks I'm a virgin. You see, I know how to keep a secret. VERONICA: That's what this was all about, isn't it. Keeping your secret? Well, it's over, it's out, I know. BEAVER: Yeah, but I've a pretty good feeling that you won't be telling anybody. VERONICA: I already did. I told my dad. He knows. BEAVER: That's, uh, that's too bad. He's on Woody's plane with him, right, right now on his way back? See, because I have no more use for Woody. You heard about the bomb in Woody's car, right? Yeah, 'cause there's one on his plane and all I have to do is dial. Veronica is horrified. Beaver laughs. BEAVER: You wanna call your dad? Say goodbye before I press send, go ahead. I'll give you a minute. VERONICA: [close to tears] Cassidy. No, you're not serious. BEAVER: Fifty-six, fifty-five, tick-tock. Veronica dials her cell frantically. The phone rings. Veronica starts to cry. VERONICA: Pick up. Please pick up. There's no answer and Veronica is beside herself. VERONICA: [whimpering] Daddy. BEAVER: Oh well. On a phone now giving the time as 12:21am, Beaver pushes send to 555 0107. (Faux pas as that was showing up as Mac's number on Veronica's phone.) Behind Veronica's head, in the sky, there is an explosion and a fireball. BEAVER: What do you know? Veronica twists around and stares in shock, sobbing. She sinks down to her hands and knees. Beaver walks towards her and crouches down next to her on her left. BEAVER: Yeah, sorry about that. I know this might be a, uh, a real bad time to ask for a favour. How would you feel, now that you've got nothing left to live for, about just rolling yourself off? Unseen by Beaver, Veronica is punching the keyboard of her cell with her right hand. BEAVER: I just, I really don't want your DNA all over my shirt. INT - NGR, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - CONTINUING. Logan is back in his room, considering the contents of the small refrigerator. His cell sounds. He takes it out of his pocket and looks at the caller ID. It's the 8:21 message Veronica received from Mac's phone: "Meet me on the roof now." No name comes up on Logan's cell, although it is shown to be from 619-555-0123. Logan looks at the message and then up towards the ceiling. EXT - NGR, ROOF - CONTINUING. Beaver looks at the taser in his hand with interest. Veronica is still on her knees. BEAVER: You sure like this thing. You ever wonder what it feels like to the people you actually taser? Let's give it a whirl, what do you say? Beaver jabs the taser at Veronica's arm. She jerks, pulls her arm away and holds it to her body in pain. BEAVER: You know what I was just thinking? We're Neptune Pirates, right? And this is like I'm making you walk the plank except instead of jabbing you with a sword, I'm sending three hundred thousand volts through you. Now jump. He jabs her with it in the arm again. Veronica falls forward and rolls onto her back. VERONICA: Please, don't. Beaver stands and backs away from her, pointing the gun at her. BEAVER: You couldn't do this the easy way? You know Aaron Echolls is staying here. What do you want to bet that I can get him convicted for the death of this teenage girl. A voice rings out from behind Beaver. LOGAN: [offscreen] No! Beaver swings around and sees Logan standing behind him, some distance away. Beaver takes aim and fires. The shot misses Logan, ricocheting off a metal grill next to him. Logan dives to his left, behind a raised part of the roof. Beaver walks towards him. Logan pokes his head up and Beaver fires the gun again, just missing Logan as he ducks his head down. Veronica leaps on Beaver's back and tackles him to the ground, trying to grab the gun. He pushes her off, keeping hold of the gun, and gets to his feet only to be tackled from the other direction by Logan. Beaver loses hold of the gun which slides away. He and Logan grapple until Beaver uses the taser, causing Logan to release him. Beaver starts to rise but is startled when Veronica shoots into the sky. She brings the gun level at Logan and Beaver. VERONICA: Logan, move away from him. Logan gets to his feet, as does Beaver. LOGAN: Veronica, don't. VERONICA: [crying] He killed my father! Logan starts to move slowly towards her. LOGAN: Now give me the gun, Veronica. VERONICA: He killed everyone on the bus! He raped me! Music: "See My Friends" by Gravenhurst. LYRICS: See my friends See my friends Laying across the river See my friends See my friends Laying across the river She is gone She is gone and now there's no one left Except my friends Laying across the river She just went Logan looks back at Beaver in shock before returning his attention to Veronica, inching closer. LOGAN: Look, you are not a killer, Veronica. Give me the gun. His hand is nearly on the gun. Beaver just watches. Veronica cries hard. LOGAN: You're not a killer, Veronica. Give me the gun. She finally drops her arms, letting him take the gun. He wraps his arms around her as she sobs. He rocks her, glancing at Beaver who has made his way to the edge of the roof. He looks down. Logan buries his face in Veronica's hair, comforting her. He looks up again, just in time to see Beaver hoist himself over the low wall on the edge of the roof. Logan lets go of Veronica and strides a few steps forward. LOGAN: Beaver, don't! Beaver turns around to face them. BEAVER: [passionately] My name is Cassidy. LOGAN: Cassidy, don't. BEAVER: Why not? Veronica says nothing. Logan struggles and can't find anything to say either. BEAVER: That's what I thought. Beaver takes a step back and off the roof. There's a crash and the sounds of a squeal of brakes and a horn. Logan stares in horror at the space where Beaver was. Veronica walks forward and back into Logan's arms. He enfolds her and groans. Veronica suddenly remembers. VERONICA: Mac? INT - NGH, BEAVER'S ROOM - NIGHT. The door opens and Veronica races in, followed by Logan and a hotel employee. VERONICA: Mac? All the bedding has gone. Veronica sees Mac crouched down by the side of the bed, wrapped in a shower curtain. She is distraught. Veronica gives a gasp of relief and crouches down in front of Mac. MAC: He took my clothes. He took everything. Why? Veronica, still in tears herself, leans forward to hug her. End music: "See My Friends" by Gravenhurst. INT - NGH, AARON'S ROOM - NIGHT. The brandy looks to be untouched. AARON: Oh. My. God. Aaron is lying naked on the couch. Kendall's head comes into view, sliding its way up his body. Aaron and she laugh. AARON: Oh. Have I told you how much I love freedom. KENDALL: I like it too. They rub noses. KENDALL: And any more freedoming tonight, and I'm gonna need a wheelchair. She smiles and slips off his body. Aaron wipes his mouth and sits up. He watches her walk around the couch, heading for the bathroom. As the shower starts up, Aaron pulls a cigar from the table and takes great pleasure in lighting it. He grabs the remote and flicks through some channels until he finds an old movie starring himself, dressed as a Gestapo officer, riding a motorbike. AARON: Well, well, well. Who's that handsome fellow? Now with a glass of brandy, Aaron sits back to enjoy himself. He doesn't see the silencer of the gun pointed directly at his head behind him. Two shots fire from the gun and the screen is splattered with blood. The assassin is Clarence Wiedman. He turns and walks out of the room. EXT - MOLLYMOOK, AUSTRALIA, BEACH - DAY. Duncan is building a sand castle for baby Lilly. His cell rings. DUNCAN: CW? INT - NGH, HALLWAY - NIGHT. WIEDMAN: It's a done deal. Wiedman terminates the call. He walks on after tearing a strip of tape from the lens of the hotel's security camera. EXT - MOLLYMOOK, BEACH - CONTINUING. Duncan lets his hand with the phone drop, contemplative and regretful. Lilly gurgles. Duncan looks at her and smiles. INT - JKF INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, NY. Wallace is checking the screens. He turns and Jackie is there. JACKIE: Hey, Wallace. Wallace grins and holds out his arms. They hug. WALLACE: What are you doing here? You headin' to Paris? What a coincidence, me too. JACKIE: I'm not going to Paris. She holds up her ticket. JACKIE: This is for the Philly shuttle. The cheapest ticket I could get to bypass security. I need to tell you some things, Wallace. I never lived on the Upper West Side. My mom isn't a model. She's a waitress who had a one night stand with Terrence eighteen years ago. I'm just another kid from Brooklyn who got screwed up on drugs and booze and all the wrong friends, but by the time I was a sophomore-- WALLACE: The past really doesn't matter to me. JACKIE: I have a son, Wallace. He's two. When he was born, my mom contacted my dad and made a deal: I'd go to California and try to start over and she'd raise my baby. When my dad just dropped me from his life, I realised that I was being a hypocrite. Here I was torn up that I wasn't the centre of my dad's universe when my mom was raising my kid three thousand miles away. I can't be that person, Wallace. I had to come back. And I have to stay. And your life is in Neptune and you have to go. Wallace is gutted. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. In a parallel Pieta shot to the one in 201 "Normal Is the Watchword," Veronica is lying across Logan's lap as he sits on the couch. They are both asleep. DREAM: EXT - SOMEWHERE - DAY. Veronica, aged about four, is sitting on a blanket on the grass, giggling. She is being entertained by a puppet show, with Keith the puppet master of two sock puppets. KEITH: You're stinky. No, you're stinky. No, you're stinky. Keith pops his head out from between the curtains. KEITH: I mean stinky. We're both stinky. You're stinky. Honk, honk. Keith suddenly gets excited. KEITH: Honey, do you smell that? Do you know what that is? YOUNG VERONICA: I smell bacon. END DREAM. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Now in her own bed but still fully dressed, Veronica jerks awake and gasps. She races into the lounge. VERONICA: Dad! She stops when she sees that it is Logan cooking breakfast. He looks over at her as her hopeful face crumples. He takes her in his arms and holds her close. She cries. LOGAN: Here. I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Behind her, a figure appears. KEITH: Is that breakfast I smell? In disbelief, Veronica tears herself out of Logan's arms and runs to her father, jumping to hug him around the neck. Keith is surprised but his arms come out to hold her. VERONICA: You're alive? Oh, I thought you were dead. She pulls back to look at him, although she doesn't let him go. VERONICA: I love you so much. KEITH: Oh, honey, what's wrong? I don't understand. VERONICA: Woody's plane. Cassidy Casablancas blew it up. Keith realises the significance and pulls her into him in a tight hug. KEITH: Holy... I wasn't on the plane. Logan watches them together. KEITH: Lamb didn't want me arriving with Woody getting met by the press so he had them take me off the plane at the last minute. I rented a car, I drove home. He pulls back a little to look down at her. KEITH: I was a little surprised to find, you know, Logan on the couch, but it was better than finding him elsewhere, right? He grins and they both look over towards Logan, only to see the door closing behind him. KEITH: Now what were you saying about the Casablancas boy? Veronica sighs. INT - LEE'S OFFICE - DAY. LEE: It's most likely going to be ruled a suicide, so insurance-wise, that's going to be a wash. Kendall is sitting on the other side of his desk. Lee picks up a folder and flips through it. LEE: The cops found these in Cassidy's room, however, Phoenix Land Trust. It's all in your name. I-I assumed, uh... KENDALL: Right. Phoenix, the real estate thing. How am I doing these days? The lawyer chuckles. LEE: Eight million and change. Kendall does a double take. LEE: Tell him I said nice going. He hands her a sheet from the file. KENDALL: Him? LEE: Betting against incorporation? Ballsy. Feels like a Richard Casablancas move to me. Kendall beams. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Veronica is at her desk, peering closely at a brochure. Keith, in summer holiday shirt, shuffles over to her desk from his office. KEITH: I can feel it already. The little town blues are melting away. You all packed? VERONICA: Vagabond shoes and all. And pepper spray, for if we run into that Trump character. KEITH: You sure you don't want to drive with the old man? VERONICA: Logan's giving me a ride. We're supposed to... Veronica makes a small air quote. Talk. KEITH: How'd he take, um...what happened. VERONICA: Shrugs it off. Calls himself Little Orphan Annie...which I think means badly. She checks her watch. VERONICA: I should go out front. KEITH: I should get my autograph book. Carol Channing's still alive, isn't she? Having come round to her chair, he kisses the top of her head. VERONICA: Mm. KEITH: I'll see you at the gate. Keith goes back into his office and Veronica starts to collect things at her desk. LOGAN: [offscreen] So? Music: "Time Flies Tomorrow" by Paul Westerberg. LYRICS: Your heart sings a feeling It don't ache but baby its gonna Swing from the ceiling Break like a pinata Break like a whitecap In the sand you shiver With eyes like two hubcaps At the bottom of the river Time flies tomorrow Time flies tomorrow But it ain't made a move yet Time flies tomorrow And tomorrow will make a day since we've met Veronica looks up. Logan is at the main door of the office. He picks up her carry-on bag which is stacked with her suitcase at the entrance, jiggles it and grins. Veronica smiles. Cut to moments later. Veronica walks out into the small hallway outside the door to Mars Investigations, checking her bag as she goes. Logan, carrying her luggage, glances towards Keith's office, then pulls the main office door closed. He drops the luggage and catches Veronica with a kiss, holding her and spinning them along the wall. She gasps and hangs on, kissing back. VERONICA: What are you doing? He halts their progress with Veronica's back against the wall. LOGAN: I'm not gonna see you for a whole week. That's like a month. She laughs. VERONICA: Yeah, but then I'll be back and everything will be fine. LOGAN: Yeah. Logan sighs and kisses her neck and then her cheek. LOGAN: Mm, you say that but I don't know. VERONICA: I know. I can feel it. LOGAN: And you're never wrong. Veronica shakes her head. LOGAN: Yeah? Veronica giggles but any further response is interrupted by the turning on of the hall light. KENDALL: [offscreen] Aw, young love. Veronica glares at Kendall. Logan just smirks. KENDALL: No, no. Hold that position. Norman Rockwell wants to come in and paint you two. Did he pin on his pin or was he too shy? VERONICA: Why are you here? LOGAN: Yeah, I didn't know you could come out during daylight hours. Haughtily, Kendall proceeds to the office, passing them. KENDALL: I have a business proposition for your father. VERONICA: Okay, but I'm warning you, he doesn't carry much cash. Kendall appears in Keith's office. KENDALL: I need you to do something for me. KEITH: Well, I'll be back in a week and at that time, I will be happy t-- Keith reaches for his jacket. Kendall puts her briefcase on his desk. KENDALL: I need it right now. KEITH: Sorry, Mrs. Casablancas, but I'm meeting my daughter in an hour. KENDALL: I think you'll change your mind. Kendall opens the briefcase. Keith looks down at the contents. KEITH: Oh. KENDALL: Like I said, it's important. Keith stares at her. INT - AIRPORT - DAY. Veronica is waiting. Behind her, a board shows that her flight is boarding. Concerned, she pulls out her cell phone. It gives the date and time (June 6, 9:12am) but shows that it is getting no signal. She looks out, getting more and more anxious and looking lonelier and lonelier as the camera pulls back. End.
doc_229	(pans clanging) Man: Wakey, wakey! Rise and shine. Man 1: Who wants to fight, huh? Come on, get up. Pathetic. You're all pathetic! Who wants to fight? How about you? Come on! Hey, you! Man: Hey, leave us alone! Get up here, come on! Pathetic! Pathetic, pathetic! Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, where's the fire, old-timer? Hey, hey, hey, hey. Come on, man, stick around. Have ourselves a good old-fashioned bum fight. I'm talking to you! Come on! Fight me! Huh? I said, Fi... (man sobbing) (screaming) (grunting) (breathlessly): Okay, okay. (groaning) (Taser crackling, man grunting) ♪ NCIS: LA 6x08 ♪ Original Air Date on November 17, 2014 [SCENE_BREAK] Sam: Yeah. Oh, that's good, baby. That's really good. Now, you remember the difference between obtuse and acute angles? Girl: Uh, not really. Okay, think about it, we went over this last night. Now, when something's small it's cute. So, an angle that's smaller than 90 degrees... Girl: It's acute. Sam: There you go. You're gonna ace this math quiz. Girl: Yay! All right, Daddy's got to go, I lo... Girl: Love you, Daddy. Huh? I love you. Sam: I love you, too. Girl: Bye, Daddy. All right, beautiful. Bye-bye. Girl: Bye. Wow, that's, uh... father-of-the-year material right there. Callen: You know, if you're not careful, she's gonna end up a mathlete just like her old man. Junior Math Olympian. How many times do I have to tell you that? Till it stops being funny. Which is never. Sam: Okay, laugh all you want, but that's not what makes me father of the year, this is. You've put a GPS tracker on your daughter. We gave her a cell phone. Huh. Isn't she kind of young? The world's kind of dangerous. A cell phone lets me know where she is at all times, and she can contact me in case of emergency. You know, it's about peace of mind, simple as that. All right, you know, as long as you're not smothering her. (cell phone buzzes) I don't smother. Hey, baby, you okay? Something wrong? Hey, Daddy, can we have spaghetti for dinner tonight? You want spaghetti for dinner tonight. I want spaghetti for dinner tonight. Girl: Yeah, with meatballs. Sam: With meatballs. I'm coming over, I'm bringing Monty. Girl: Can you do it? Sam: Okay, Daddy can do that. Sam: Daddy will get you some spaghetti and meatballs. Girl: Are you sure? Daddy can do anything, Daddy's a superhero. Thank you, Daddy, I love you! Sam: Okay, all right. I love you, too. Okay, bye-bye. Bye! Well, peace of mind-- spaghetti crisis averted. You know, she's just starting, uh... She just got it, she's new to it. In a couple of days, you know, she'll... (cell phone buzzes) Hmm. Sure she's not smothering you, Super Daddy? Baby, I have... Daddy, listen-- Knock, knock. Okay, who's there? Doughnut. Doughnut who? Doughnut ask, it's a secret. Great, look... You like it? You have to go to class, and Daddy has to go back to work. Girl: I love you. Sam: I love you, too. All right, sweetheart. All right, bye-bye. Girl: Bye, Daddy. Bye. Doughnut who? What's the punch line? (whistling) Granger danger. All hands on deck. Deeks: Come on, what's the punch line? Sam-dog, what's the punch line? Don't do this, don't leave me hanging here. What's the punch line? Doughnut ask, it's a secret. Oh. (laughs) Oh, that is... that's actually pretty funny. That's a cute joke! Eric: Early this morning, LAPD was alerted to the body of a homeless John Doe in a North Hollywood alley. No I.D., no police record, and no fingerprints on file. Well, that rules out a Marine or Navy vet. Not exactly, Agent Hanna. The man's fingerprints are on file, (cell phone buzzes) just not in any law enforcement database. When LAPD scanned John Doe's fingerprints, it triggered a classified DoD alert. Granger: His name's Harrison Goodsell. Marine, member of the CIA Special Activities Division. Over the past two decades, he's worked dozens of classified ops. Afghanistan, Russia. Even Iran and North Korea. The people who worked with Goodsell called him The Grey Man. Wait, what's... what's "The Grey Man"? It's a term used in special ops. A Grey Man is someone who has the skills to blend into any environment and remain unnoticed. Unknowable. Best way to avoid confrontation in hostile territory. But not 100 percent effective. M.E. reports that Goodsell was tortured before his killers finished him off. Cut his throat. You're worried someone got to the secrets in Goodsell's head. Years later, that kind of Intel could put American lives at risk. We should talk to some of his friends in Special Activities. I'll handle the CIA, Agent Callen. Your team should focus on the murder investigation. Sam and I'll check out the crime scene. Kensi, Deeks-- get his photo around to all the shelters, see if anybody knew him. Report all findings to me. Kensi: Sir? Do we know why Goodsell ended up living on the street? Well, CIA reports he had a breakdown last year. Diagnosed PTSD, multiple traumatic brain injuries. You know how the story goes. Yeah, yeah. Let's get moving. All right, thanks, Eric. Keep looking. Down here. Thanks. Goodsell has no family. Parents are deceased, no kids, never married. Typical Grey Man. They don't punch out at the end of the day. It's not conducive to starting a family. You did. (chuckles) I'm not a Grey Man. You, on the other hand... Have a girlfriend, have a home. I'm doing just fine, thank you. You're welcome. Five years ago-- different story. I put a lot of work into you, G. Oh, so what, am I like Charlene, your, uh, car you used to restore in your spare time? I'm saying it's about having a support system, a safety net. Grey Man works without them. When he falls, he hits the ground hard. Ends up here. May I? Sure. Lot of stuff here. Not sure if any of it's gonna be helpful. Sam: Yeah. No cameras on either end of the alley. Or the adjoining streets. Perfect place for a body dump. They got a fingerprint and a downtown area code for Civic Sushi. I'll send a copy of the print to Eric, see if it matches our Grey Man. Kensi: Civic Sushi has four-and-a-half stars on Yelp, all you can eat till noon. You realize that you just had breakfast in the car, right? That wasn't breakfast, that was, uh... Second breakfast? Elevenses? What, bath meal? Hey, when you've gone days without eating like I have, you learn to appreciate food. I'm just saying it's kind of hard to appreciate something when you devour it. Literally, I blinked, and the burrito was gone. Welcome to Civic Sushi. Please, have a seat anywhere. We're actually not eating. We're just here to ask some questions to the manager. I'm the manager. Hideo. Great. In that case, do you recognize this man? Yes, he is a customer. A regular. He ate here? That's very charitable of you. No charity, he paid like everyone. Tipped well, too. I'm sorry, the homeless man tipped you? Homeless? No, he wore a nice suit, tie. Talked on his phone, he was a businessman. Why don't you look at the picture one more time. Ah, come, I'll show you. He's in this photo I took of DJ Salmon Run. KZPZ-- best hip-hop in town. That's him. That's Goodsell. The hell was this guy up to? Eric: Using the downtown sushi place as a starting point, we scanned traffic cams within a five block radius. And in the 72 hours leading up to his death, we spotted Goodsell four times. All within the vicinity of Grand Park. Eric: Here he is yesterday, crossing the street toward Civic Sushi for a late lunch. And here he is, one day earlier, appearing in two different areas of Grand Park. Hmm. Back to being homeless. And finally, only six hours before that... One block away from the park. Again, in a business suit. Okay, not to be insensitive, but Granger did say that Goodsell suffered multiple traumatic brain injuries. I know guys with TBI who can't tie their shoelaces. Goodsell looks quick, purposeful. He's working an op. Question is-- for whom? This area he's covering is full of government agencies. You got the DEA, the USCIS. There's even a federal courthouse. He could be working for a foreign agency. The sushi manager doesn't know anything about him? No, and the shelters we talked to don't recognize him, either. But maybe their clients will. I mean, homeless people don't like to talk to law enforcement, but they do talk to each other. As do the suits grabbing coffee at the park. So, maybe that's our plan. You go doll up with your casual business wear, and I'll get Artie out of the freezer. We'll make a day of it. Oh. I'm sorry, who's Artie? He named his smelly undercover jacket. Deeks: I did. It's a funny story, actually. 'Cause when Actually, we were... it's not, it's really gross. So, let's go, get out of here. I wore that thing, it gave me a rash. That's part of its authenticity, man. Where's your dedication to the art form? You thinking what I'm thinking? I'm trying not to think about your rash. Callen: If Goodsell didn't have a breakdown, then either Granger got bad information... Or he lied to us. Where's Granger? He went out. Didn't say where. Mr. Hanna, your daughter called me twice this morning. I told her not to use your number unless it was an emergency. Oh, but it was. She said, um, Forget the spaghetti. She'd rather have lasagna for dinner. Ouch. I mean, twice the prep, not to mention the cook time, of course. All right, good. Well, the quicker we solve this case, the better. Oh, yes. The elusive Grey Man. Unfortunately, Owen has, um, revoked my access on this case. Why would he do that? I think you'll have to ask him. I overheard him say something about going out to have froyo with his good friend, Claude Rains. "Claude Rains"? Isn't that the actor from Casablanca? Yes. And Notorious and The Invisible Man and Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Quite a career Mr. Rains had. Hetty? Pretty sure he's dead. True. But that doesn't necessarily mean you can't have froyo with him. [SCENE_BREAK] Oh... Just keep moving, Barnes. Just pretend we're still old friends. We were never friends, Granger. You're right. My mistake. So, this is about our Grey Man, isn't it? (grunts) I want to hear the truth, Barnes, straight from your lying mouth. The truth? Since when is the CIA in the truth-telling business? Fine. Then we'll just pick up where we left off in Afghanistan. No weapons. No tricks. Just you and me. (grunts) Callen: Ouch! Believe it or not, you landed on Robert Ripley. (grunting) Get up. All right, hand him over. Yeah, how about we make a trade? That's not how this works. Today it is. Him for some answers. I guess we're both in the truth-telling business now, huh, Granger? Shut up. Put your hands behind your back. Hey. Hi, sir... with the bubble wrap? Sir, I see you're very busy. I'm just wondering if you'd seen my buddy? That's him on the left. We served together in Afghanistan. And he said he was gonna be living down here. No? Okay. You... Kensilina? I'm striking out here. No one remembers Goodsell. Or they're too, uh... disturbed or too high to remember anything. Kensi: Hey, he left his wallet on the table and I tried the address, but he doesn't live there anymore-- do you know him? Nah. No. No? Okay, thank you. I can't... Sorry. Have any luck down there, Kens? That would be a negative. And I'm on my third cup of coffee. I'm not sure how much my bladder can it take anymore. I could kill for a cup of coffee right now. You want to switch me? And put on that jacket? No, thank you. I wouldn't let Artie touch me. Well, I'll have you know that you're not really Artie's type anyway. I used to be. What? What do you mean? You know, I lived on the street down here after my dad died? Um, no. No, I didn't, uh... No, I didn't know that. You're lying to me. I know Hetty told you. Hetty? No, come on. Hetty didn't tell me anything. Actually, she specifically said that she didn't tell me anything. You can fool everyone else, Deeks. Can't fool me. So, you want to talk about it? Not really. Like it was even me anymore. Just a... just a different person. Well, I wish I would've known her. No, you don't. Excuse me... sir, I'm looking for somebody... Uh, it's not gonna... His name's Paul Barnes, CIA. He handled Goodsell's covert ops. You think he had him killed? Why? He led the manhunt for Jack Simon in Afghanistan. The White Ghost mission. Since then, I've been keeping tabs on Barnes. So, when I learned he flew into town last night, I started looking for reasons why. Friend at the DoD tipped me off to Goodsell. And like Simon, Goodsell's a special operative who'd gone off the grid. But he didn't have a breakdown. No. That was just the cover story. Goodsell went AWOL last November. The CIA lost him. That's why you kept Hetty on the sidelines. Because of the way she handled Afghanistan. I was trying to protect her from another inter-agency quagmire. But as usual, she couldn't resist stirring the pot. You're too close to this. Meaning what, Agent Hanna? Meaning we'll handle the interrogation. All right. Five minutes. There are a handful of Grey Men out there. But none of them were like Goodsell. You know, I worked with the guy for over a decade, and I couldn't tell you the first thing about him. No personal connection. Makes it easier to have him killed. (laughs) Nicely done. I like how you turned that around on me. The only problem is I didn't do it. Although I will admit that the world is a safer place with him dead. Callen: All right. So, if you're not here for the hit, why are you here? Hmm? Is this a vacation? (laughs) Ha-hardly. I hate Los Angeles. I hate the people. I hate the sun. You know, I got sunburned so badly in Afghanistan that I had to be hospitalized. Sam: Okay, this is a waste of time. Let's bring Granger in. Okay, relax, relax, relax. Relax. Let's everybody take a deep breath. (exhales) The reason that I am here is because yesterday Goodsell contacted me through one of his old handles. You don't believe me, check my phone. You try and wipe this... I know, I know. You'll let Granger come in here and kill me. Believe me, Agent Callen. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. "Need to meet tomorrow, "Los Angeles. You help me, I'm back in." Goodsell may have been valuable dead. But he was much more valuable alive. I came here to bring him in. He also sent you photos. Who are they? Uh, the women, I don't know. Although I wish I did. The men, they're from the Peña Cartel. Sam: Did Goodsell operate inside of Mexico? Mm-mm. Interact with the cartels? Never. Never. But I don't think our Grey Man died for old secrets. I think they killed him for something new. Deeks: Wow, you're, like, assaulting that burger. Kensi: You have no idea. It's so good. Yeah, wow. Go easy. Mmm. It looks pretty delicious. Why? You hungry? Yeah, I'm starving. French... Oh, you're offering...? You want me to have...? Thank you. French fry. It's still warm. Getting free french fries over here. Hey, so, I'm looking for my, uh, my buddy. We were in the war together. This is him. You haven't...? You haven't seen this guy? My buddy, have you seen...? You're not listening to me. Man: Good day, miss. Oh, that's why you're not... Good day. You want me to stand? Yeah, I'll stand. What do we, what do we do now? Hats off. Good day, miss. Fine weather we're having. My, don't you look lovely. You look lovely. We think you look lovely. Man: We do. Deeks: Wow, dinner and a show. Well done, old-timer. You got the world figured out here, don't you? Another french fry. Don't mind if I do. Deeks, check out the woman in the red skirt. Deeks: Uh, it's hard not to. Kensi: Calm down. I got pictures from ops of two women who might be linked to the Peña Cartel. She's one of them. Wow, yeah. She's a hot tamale. Kensi: Oh, you've got to be kidding me. See those guys she's joining? I was checking them out earlier. They got badges and concealed weapons. They're DEA. Looks like Goodsell wasn't the only spy working the area. Kensi: Want to know why the Grey Man died? I say we start with her. Eric: We put Goodsell's photos through facial rec. We I.D.'d the first woman as Bonnie Flores. She has prior run-ins with LAPD for prostitution. She's currently at the Grand Park food court. Kensi and Deeks are keeping an eye on her. What about the second woman? It's, uh, not a clear shot. So nothing on facial rec so far. Any connection to the Peña Cartel? Eric: No. And since Mexico arrested Domingo Peña seven months ago, the cartel's been relatively quiet. Now, Peña's nickname is El Ojo, or The Eye. One, because, well, he wears an eye patch. Which, for the record, he didn't even need. Just thought it made him look tough. Nell: And two, because he has eyes everywhere in the Mexican government, aiding in his drug empire. The DEA and the U.S. Attorney's Office have been working to extradite Peña from Mexico ever since his arrest. Kensi said the woman was talking to DEA agents and lawyers. Cartel could be trying to target someone involved in the Peña case, hoping to sabotage the extradition6 Classic honey trap. Espionage through seduction. If we warn the DEA, they may overreact, tip off the cartel. Same thing will happen if we try to arrest this woman in broad daylight. Yeah. We need to bring her in without disturbing the waters. [SCENE_BREAK] Hetty. Hetty: Gentlemen. I may have an idea. Oh, back in the game. Owen and I have, uh, reached an understanding. This is one cat you don't put in a bag. Meet me in wardrobe. Okay. (camera shutter clicks) Eric, I'm sending you another photo now. Deeks: All right, Kensilina, I'm ready. Ready for what? My homeless act. How am I doing? Hit me. A "B." A "B"... All right, I'll take that. Minus. B-minus? Aw, come on! Kensi: Come on? Artie's doing all the work. You're just, uh... riding his coattails. Wow. Riding his coa... You should be ashamed for that play on words. Now there is something you don't see every day. What? Look... it's under Mexican jurisdiction. it's as simple as that. There's nothing simple about it. He will never make it to trial in Mexico. Sam: You don't know that. You want to bet? Peña will be out on bail within one week. Sam: Look, all I'm saying is it'll mean something to the people there. It's not gonna mean anything if the guy doesn't make it to trial! I'm sorry. My friend's a little stressed. My apologies. Callen: I'm not stressed. Yeah. I'm fine. I'm sorry. Stressed. Sounds like you two could use a break. Oh, you have no idea. Ooh, taking the bait. Deeks: Wow, that skirt is working. You should probably borrow that from her. (Southern accent): You'd look real nice. Finer than a new set of snow tires. Stop talking. Deeks (southern): All right. Bonnie. Hi. I'm an admin assistant in the IRS office. How you doing? Ouch. I thought we had it tough. What do you do? DEA. Keep that between us. (giggles) So are you working on something secret? Kensi: You know what that is? That's A-plus undercover work. I'll give 'em that. That was smooth. Don't be jealous of those coats, Artie, just because they're new and probably don't smell like a dead buffalo. You've got character, all right? You're pretty. I like you. You are talking to your clothing. You know what? I stand corrected. You do belong down here. Sam: You know what, you're right. I do need a break. Or a drink. You free? I might have some free time. Who's buying? Uncle Sam, naturally. (giggles) I haven't done anything wrong. I kept my clothes on and no money changed hands. We're not concerned with your escort work, Bonnie. It's your tradecraft that interests us. My what? The past few months, you've targeted DEA agents, State Department officials, even a judge's clerk. You want to tell us why? Men in high-stress jobs, little free time... they make the best clients. I work where the need is greatest. And there's a lot of need there. In here, too. You two look like you haven't had any in awhile. I think you're confusing horny with hungry. We skipped lunch today. Tried to eat, couldn't keep anything down. Yeah. Not after looking at these. This is what's left of the women that work with the Peña Cartel. Not much, is there? Sam: Look. You can be tough, Bonnie. But tough only gets you so far. It was a normal job. I got a call about a man. A regular. But when I got there, it wasn't him. There were four of them. And they made it very clear that I couldn't say no. What were your instructions? They told me who to target. Make conversation, steal documents. Tablets, cell phones... anything to do with the Peña Cartel. Did they say what they were going to use the information for? Sam: Bonnie... Do you know her? Only by her first name. What is it? Monica. She used to work the park, like me, but later she just focused on one guy. Eric: Kevin Turner. He's the federal prosecutor leading the case against Domingo Peña. If the cartel gets to him, we can kiss extradition good-bye. Now, his office says he left the courthouse after lunch, claiming he had a family emergency. Only problem is: Turner doesn't have any family. No children, his mom died last year and his dad was never in the picture. His car is currently parked outside his home in Hollywood. (sighs) Hey, uh... Kevin, it's Hank from next door. I got some of your bills accidentally. Hey, Kev! These, uh, these bills look important. Like overdue bills, like, "they're gonna shut off your water" kind of bills. Ooh. Ouch. Uh, you okay? Uh, fine. You have some of my mail? Yeah. This got put into my mailbox by mistake. Thanks. Um... it's just the two? Just the two. Kensi (over earwig): Callen and Sam, I got a guy in the dining room. Got it. Callen: I got the second, Sam. On my mark. Deeks: So, listen, Jeanie was thinking about having a potluck... Callen: Now. Federal agents! (grunts) Clear! Deeks: Go ahead, take a seat. You all right? Yeah, I'm okay. I'm good. How did you know? If the cartel wants to stop Peña's extradition, they gotta stop you first. But it's already happening. What are you talking about? We finalized the extradition days ago. Peña's on his way to L.A. as we speak. We've been looking at this the wrong way. They're gonna try to free Peña. Turner: Before I became a prosecutor, I worked as a lawyer for the DEA. I would go on raids with them, make sure they followed the rule of law. Saw a lot of action. Never thought I'd get caught up in it like this. What did they want? Peña's transport route. The DEA is taking him straight from the airport to the courthouse for initial arraignment. Arraignments have to be conducted within 48 hours of arrests, yeah. And we didn't want any delays. It was all kept hush-hush to prevent leaks. Too late for that. So what did you tell them? Nothing. I don't know the transport route. I don't even know which airport he's flying into. You know her? Monica Lee. Sam: You know where she lives? Callen: Eric, try Monica Lee. No, I... We only went on a couple of dates. It was just... harmless fun. Least I thought it was. Eric's got an address for Monica Lee. Kensi and Deeks are on their way. (door opens) Man: Damn it, Turner. Peña lands in 15 minutes, and you almost blow the whole thing 'cause you can't keep it in your pants. Granger: This is DEA Agent Mario Sanchez. Thank you for all you've done. We gotta get moving. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you going? I've got to see this through. I'm not gonna let them stop me through intimidation. You're still in danger. Sanchez: I can assure you he'll be safe. We changed the transport route and increased security around the courthouse. Nothing's gonna happen on my watch. Well, that's funny. Because this looks a lot like you cozying up to a cartel prostitute. Well, she didn't get any Intel from me. Now if you don't mind, this is a DEA matter. What's your rush? 48 hours isn't up. Granger: Tell you what. You take Turner to the courthouse. Sanchez and I are gonna have a little talk, if that's all right with you. Nell: Yeah, Kens? Nell, we're at Monica Lee's place and so are the police. She's missing. Neighbor called it in when she noticed the door was open. There are signs of a struggle. Okay. I'll scan traffic cams. Can we narrow down the time frame at all? Around 11:00 last night. All right, so the good news is that, uh, LAPD's gonna let us on the scene. The bad news is that Monica's got a seven-year-old daughter. She's missing, too. Geez. Nell... Yeah, I heard, Kens. I'm searching as fast as I can. (phone chimes) Check out this text my daughter just sent me. "Hanna FTW". "Hanna for the win." And that is a, uh, protractor emoji. That means she aced her math test. I know what it says, but why doesn't she just say that? She is, it's just a different language. It's not a different language. It's laziness. Speak for yourself. I'll take Tween over Tagalog any day. Eric, you find Monica? Uh, still missing, but I might have something on Turner. Now, it could be nothing, but I kept digging into his background, and I realized he's got a lot in common with Goodsell's Grey Man pattern. I mean, both guys ate at the same sushi place. So I did a little more digging. Turner's mother was living in Oceanside 33 years ago, at the same time that Goodsell was stationed right nearby at Pendleton. Now, she died last year. But when I pulled her will from the public record, guess who was named in it. Goodsell. She left him an envelope. And I don't know what was in it, but my guess is... Tell him about their son, Kevin Turner. Eric: A week after Turner's mother died, Goodsell went AWOL from the CIA. Hetty: He was watching over his son the entire time. So, Goodsell's training enabled him to pick up on the espionage. But once he saw his son with one of the women from the cartel, he got involved. Broke his cover, paid with his life. Turner probably saw his father every day. He just didn't know it. Nell: Guys? I have something you have to see. Kensi and Deeks just found this at Monica Lee's house. Turner said he'd never been to Monica's place. That looks like more than "harmless fun" to me. Why would a federal prosecutor lie to us? The cartel uses Monica to seduce Turner. Once she has him hooked, they take her away. Then they used her to get him to finish the job. But there's no way that Turner could free Peña all on his own. But that's not the plan. I just finished talking to Agent Sanchez. He's clean, but the DEA made a deal with Peña. In exchange for what? Peña's gonna give them the names of every Mexican official complicit in the drug trade. It's the best shot they've ever had at ending this war. Sam: So, the cartel doesn't want their boss freed. They want him dead. And Turner's the assassin. Where are we? Callen and Sam are almost at the courthouse. Agent Sanchez is already there. Does he have Turner? Can't find him, but Peña's under heavy guard. Nell: Guys? I think I found Monica. Okay, I spotted this van near Monica's place last night around the time of her abduction. Now, it's the same van in Goodsell's photos. And Kaleidoscope just picked it up an hour ago parked here. It's a shut-down restaurant in North Hollywood. Peña cartel's had a foothold there for years. Nell: Exactly. Kensi and Deeks are in the area. I'll send them now. Torres, I need eyes on Turner. Torres?! The agent assigned to Turner has been found unconscious. His weapon's gone. Turner know how to use it? I've been on raids with him, he's trained. (alarm sounds) (alarm sounds) Fire alarm. It's not a drill. Agents are reporting smoke on the second floor. That's Turner. What's the protocol in case of fire? They're gonna take Peña out the same way they brought him in-- through the underground parking garage. This way. (tires squeal) Callen: Federal agents! Sam: Federal agents. It's Peña. It's about damn time. Where the hell were you? Back up! Put 'em down! Lower your weapons. It's not gonna happen, Turner. I have to do this! If Peña's not dead in the next five minutes, they'll kill Monica and Amy. PeÑa: Gustavo... that traitor. He put a hit on his own compadre. Kevin... Don't give him the satisfaction! We know where they're holding Monica and Amy, agents are on their way now. There's not enough time. Yes, there is. We saved you, we can save them. Put the gun down. Kensi: See anything? I got at least two guys. They both have assault rifles. I don't see Monica or her daughter. But there is a walk-in cooler. That's where I'd keep the hostages. So, we're outgunned, we got no backup. And if Turner doesn't hear Monica in the next four minutes, that means that Peña's dead. What's the plan here? Why do I always have to come up with a plan? What's your plan? My plan is to live long and prosper. You know what I mean? To make little baby Deeks, little ninja assassins with fantastic hair. Not likely in this job. (chuckles) Deeks, the only reason I didn't tell you about being homeless... Really? Is this the best time to have this conversation? It was the worst period of my life. Made a lot of mistakes. And I only ever want you to see the best part of me. Okay? Okay. Just to narrow it down for me, though, the best part of you, is that your ankles? 'Cause you've got pretty sexy ankles. I mean, your feet, they're all right. Your toes are a little weird, but the rest... This is exactly why I never talk to you. What? I think I got a plan. No one's gonna care if a cartel boss dies. Callen: You're right, Kevin. You're right. But you know whose death I care about right now? Harrison Goodsell. Sam: Kevin? Goodsell is how we got onto the case. He saw the cartel abduct Monica. He tried to warn you, but they killed him. What are you talk...? I've never even seen this guy. I know, but he's seen you. It was your father, Kevin. He died trying to protect you. Whoever he was, he should have tried harder. Time's up, I'm sorry. Shoot him! Turner: I have to! Shoot him! Kevin, stop it! I'm not gonna let you do this. I'm not gonna let you throw your life away. So, you know what I'm gonna do? I'll do it. You just killed Monica and Amy. (whistling casually) Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I wouldn't do that if I were you. Unless, of course, fried cartel is on the menu. I'm just kidding. "Fried cartel." You look really confused and idiotic, so let me walk you through this. Last few minutes, this whole room has been filling up with gas. (sniffs) Go ahead, take a whiff, you smell that? (sniffing) Huh? You know what that is? (sniffs) That's gasolina. So, uh... ...so, firing your weapons is not the chef's recommendation. What I would suggest, in contrast to that, is you put the weapons down. Let's turn ourselves in, go talk about our feelings, maybe grab a beer, figure out why our dads didn't love us enough. All these things can be discussed. If you put those down, nice and easy. See? That was good, right? Yeah, now we're talking. We'll just go home, everybody's gonna be fine with the... Okay, really? With the meat cleaver? Two on one, you get a... cleaver. And now we're gonna fight with a... plan B! (yelps) Plan B! Kensi: Deeks! Plan B! (explosion) (grunts) You okay? Yeah. Deeks! (man yells) Cooler. Hey, guys. How you doing? No, we're federal agents. You're safe now. Let's get you guys out of here, come on. Callen: Yeah. Kensi: We got Monica. Kensi, put her on. Sure. Monica. Monica: Kevin. You're okay. And Amy? Thank God. I know, babe. I-I know everything. It's gonna be okay. Monica: I love you. I love... (phone beeps) You're, uh, getting another call. Hello? Girl: Hey, Uncle Callen. How's it going? Hello? Why is your daughter calling my phone? You seem to understand her so well, I figured Uncle Callen should be one of her contacts. You know, in case of emergency. You gonna ignore my daughter? What if she's in trouble? Banana Hanna, everything all right? Oh, yeah? I hear you aced your geometry quiz today. That's a good job. Is your dad gonna be home in time to make lasagna? Don't you worry about your dad. He will always be there for you. The paperwork can wait, Mr. Callen. Go home. Take Joelle out to dinner. Uh, she's busy. She's got her parents in town. Huh. I see. You met them, yet? Why didn't Goodsell ever reveal himself? Not to his own son. Why didn't he say anything? Perhaps he was simply respecting the mother's wishes. Or perhaps he wanted to, but just didn't know how. That's the thing about The Grey Man. He never reveals his secrets.
doc_230	Scene: The comic book store. Leonard: It's from Game of Thrones. What do you think? Sheldon: I don't know. If we're going to start a fantasy sword collection, and I've long thought we should, is this really the sword to start with? Leonard: What did you have in mind? Sheldon: Well, off the top of my head, I'd have to go with Excalibur. It gives you the right to rule England. Leonard: It would be a replica of a movie prop. Sheldon: Fair enough. It'd give you the right to rule a replica of England. Leonard: Well, they don't have an Excalibur here, so what do you want to do? Sheldon: Mm. Tough decision. There's no weaponry from Lord of the Rings, forged in a Chinese sweatshop? Leonard: Just Bilbo Baggins' sword over there. Sheldon: Two grown men with a hobbit's dagger; wouldn't we look silly? Okay, let's go for it. Stuart: Oh, I see you guys have found my little treasure. Leonard: Yeah. It's okay, I guess. Sheldon: Okay? It's magnificent. Leonard: Buh-buh-buh-buh! What do you want for it? Stuart: Oh, it's hard to put a price on something that's a copy of something that was on pay cable. But for my friends, let's say 250? Leonard: Oh, that's pretty steep. Stuart: Well, it's a limited edition. They only made 8,000 of these bad boys. Sheldon: Only 8,000? We're wasting precious time. Buy it. Leonard: Hang on. Can you do any better? Stuart: Are you kidding? I'm already giving you the friends and family discount. Sheldon: Oh, did you hear that? We're getting the friends and family discount. We are honoured and we will take it. Leonard: Slow down. Two hundred. Sheldon: What are you doing? Two fifty is already the discounted price. Leonard: Will you shut up? Stuart: Tell you what, I'll go two thirty-five. Leonard: Nope. Maybe another time. Stuart: Okay, two twenty five, my final offer. Sheldon: Take it, take it. Leonard: Two hundred. Stuart: Man, you're killing me! Sheldon: Killing you? I can't breathe. Stuart: Two ten, and I'm losing money. Sheldon: Oh, now, we can't let him lose money, Leonard. I'm so sorry. Leonard: Two ten and you throw in the Iron Man helmet. Stuart: Are you crazy? That helmet's signed by Robert Downey Jr. Leonard: So? Stuart: Okay, if you're going to question the importance of an actor's signature on a plastic helmet from a movie based on a comic book, then all of our lives have no meaning! Leonard: Okay, fine. Just the sword, two ten. Stuart: Thank you. I can eat meat this week. Leonard: See that? I just saved us forty bucks. Sheldon: I've long said, what you lack in academic knowledge you make up for in street smarts. Stuart: You want me to wrap it? Leonard: No, it's okay. I'm gonna stab my friend in the chest. Wil Wheaton (entering): Hey, Stuart. Stuart: Ah, hey, Wil. Sheldon: Hello, Wil Wheaton. Wil: Hi, Sheldon. Nice sword. Sheldon: It's part of my sword collection. Do you have a sword collection? Wil: No. Sheldon: I'm not surprised. Stuart: Here's the Batman 612 with the Jim Lee alternate cover that you wanted. Wil: Awesome. What do I owe you? Stuart: Forty bucks. Wil: Good deal. Sheldon: Sucker. Didn't even ask for the friends and family discount. Wil: Hey, I'm having a party at my house on Friday, and I was hoping you would stop by. Stuart: Will there be girls there? Wil: Yeah, of course. Stuart: 'Cause there wasn't last time. Wil: There will be girls. You guys are invited if you want to come by. Leonard: Thank you. Wil: All right, great. Later. Sheldon: I see what you're doing. You accept an invitation to a party at the home of my sworn enemy, he tells everyone we're going to be there, and when we don't show, he looks the fool. Fiendishly clever. Leonard: I was actually thinking about going. Sheldon: And then declaring the party a fiasco and storming out, leaving him humiliated in front of his guests. Love it. Leonard: No, I was gonna grab Raj and Howard and have a good time. Stuart: Oh, great, more guys. It's gonna be another Wil Wheaton sausage-fest. Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Sheldon, can you grab me a water? Sheldon: Possibly. Leonard: Can you or can't you? Sheldon: It's not that simple, Leonard. Leonard: It never is, is it? Sheldon: At this moment, our relationship exists in two mutually contradictory states. Until you either do not go or go to Wil Wheaton's party, you are simultaneously my friend and not my friend. I'm characterizing this phenomenon as Schrodinger's Friendship. Leonard: Got it. Can I have my water? Sheldon: Of course. Now get it yourself, you traitor. Penny: Wait, what is going on? Sheldon: In case you have forgotten, Schrodinger's cat is a thought experiment... Penny: No, no, no, no, I didn't forget. Um, there's this cat in a box and until you open it, it's either dead or alive or both. Although, back in Nebraska, our cat got stuck in my brother's camp trunk, and we did not need to open it to know there was all kinds of dead cat in there. Amy: Homespun stories, knowledge of physics and a bosom that defies it. You're the whole package, aren't you? Howard (arriving): Sorry I'm late. Uh, I got great news. NASA picked my team's design for the deep field space telescope that's going on the International Space Station this spring. All: Wow. Bernadette: Howie, that's wonderful! Congratulations! Howard: It gets better. Someone has to go up with the telescope as a payload specialist, and guess who that someone is. Sheldon: Mohammed Lee. Howard: Who's Mohammed Lee? Sheldon: Mohammed is the most common first name in the world, Lee, the most common surname. As I didn't know the answer, I thought that gave me a mathematical edge. Howard: It's me, Sheldon. It's me. I'm going up in space! Technically, I'm an astronaut. All: Wow, that's amazing! Bernadette: Hang on a second. NASA doesn't have a shuttle any more. How are you going to get up there? Howard: Oh, well, it's really cool. You fly to Moscow, they take you out to Kazakhstan, and then you get into a Russian Soyuz rocket which shoots you into a low earth orbit. Or just sits there on the launch pad because the Kazakhi mafia sold the rocket fuel on the black market. Bernadette: Are those Russian rockets safe? Howard: Well, I mean, safe as it can be when it was built by the good folks who brought you Chernobyl. Leonard: I'd like to propose a toast. The dream to go up into space is one we all share, and Howard's making that a reality. We're all very proud of you. All: Cheers. Sheldon: That was a lovely toast. Kudos. Leonard: Thank you. Sheldon: Simultaneously, a festival of cloying clichés. You sicken me. Scene: Bernadette's car. Howard: You're really quiet. Is everything okay? Bernadette: Fine. Just a little tired. Howard: I hope not too tired, because I'm feeling particularly masculine right now. All systems go, if you catch my drift. Bernadette: I always catch your drift. Howard: All right, well, something's obviously bugging you. What is it? Bernadette: I just can't believe you signed up for the space program without even talking to me. Howard: Oh, I get it. You're worried about me. That is so sweet. You know, there's a saying we have at NASA. What makes the right stuff so right is that it always comes home. Bernadette: Just stop talking, Howard. Howard: This isn't the reaction I expected when I told you I was gonna be an astronaut. Bernadette: What did you think was going to happen? Howard: Honestly? sx. Bernadette: Howard. Howard: Do you realize what a big deal this is? What an honour it is to be chosen to go into space? Bernadette: Yeah, I get it. I just wish you included me in the decision. We're supposed to be partners. We're supposed to be a team. Howard: I'm sorry. You're right. Okay, let's try this again. Bernadette, an opportunity has come up that impacts both of us, and I'd like to discuss it. Bernadette: Okay. Howard: I've been offered a chance to go up to the International Space Station for three weeks. What are your thoughts on that? Bernadette: Well, first of all, thank you for including me in the decision-making process. Howard: Hey, we're a team. So, what do you think? Bernadette: No. Howard: No? Bernadette: No. Howard: Well why not? Bernadette: Howard, my father was a police officer. We never knew from one night to the next if he was going to come home alive. It was horrible. And I don't want to live that way with you. Howard: Hey, my father abandoned me and my mother when I was 11. We never saw him again. Bernadette: Oh, boo-hoo, you're not going to space! Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Pretty cool about Howard, huh? Sheldon: Don't talk to me as if nothing's happened between us. And yes, it sure is, buddy. Leonard: For God's sake, will you stop with the Schrodinger stuff. Sheldon: Would you prefer a simpler application of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, in which I could either know where you are or whether I like you, but not both? Leonard: You never stop talking, do you? Amy: I don't understand. What differences does it make if Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party? Penny: Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy. Amy: Mortal enemy? Penny: Mm-hmm. Amy: Sheldon, I know you're a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench, but, you really have a mortal enemy? Sheldon: In fact, I have 61 of them. Would you like to see the list? Penny: Oh, say no, say no, say no, say no. Sheldon: You just got off the list. Would you like back on it? This'll just take a moment. It's on a five and a quarter inch floppy. Amy: A floppy disk? Sheldon: Well, I started the list when I was nine. Amy: How did Wil Wheaton get on the list? All: Oh! Oh, God! Sheldon: As a child, I loved Wesley Crusher, Wil Wheaton's character on Star Trek. So, I drove for hours by bus to a Star Trek convention at which Wil Wheaton was scheduled to appear, so that I could get my Wesley Crusher action figure signed. But he never showed, because apparently, it was cooler for him to be the lower-left corner on Hollywood Squares. Oh, damn! The floppy failed. Well, whoever was in charge of quality control at the Verbatim Corporation in 1989, congratulations, you just made the list. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Howard's bedroom. Bernadette: Howard? Howard: Change your mind about sx? I'm still mad, but I'll do it. Bernadette: No, I've just been thinking. It doesn't matter if I'm afraid for your safety. I don't want to be the person who stands between you and your dreams. Howard: Really? Bernadette: Really. If going into space means that much to you, I will never say another word about it. Howard: Thank you. Bernadette: I love you. Howard: I love you, too. So, sx now? Bernadette: Okay. I just forgot to brush my teeth. I'll be right back. (Exits) Mrs Wolowitz (off): Over my dead body my son goes into outer space! Bernadette: I'm ready. Scene: The cafeteria. Leonard: Wait, let me see if I got this right. You actually asked Bernadette to leave your house in the middle of the night? Howard: What choice did I have? She went behind my back and turned my own mother against me. Raj: Wow. You're not only our first astronaut. You're also the first one of us to kick a girl out of bed. You're like a rock star. Howard: Little bit. Leonard: I hate to say it, but she did kind of betray you. Sheldon: Interesting. You see betrayal in others, but not yourself. Leonard: Going to Wheaton's party is not betraying you. Sheldon: Oh, of course you would have to believe that. Evil always thinks it's doing right. Excuse me, Stormtrooper. These are the droids you're looking for. Leonard: I'm going to a party. I'm not turning R2-D2 and C-3PO over to the empire! Sheldon: Not yet. Raj: So, what's gonna happen next? Are you and Bernadette going to break up? Howard: I don't know. If we're going to get back together, she's going to have to apologize and accept that I'm a grown man who can make his own decisions. Raj: Then she's going to have to convince your mother to let you go into space. Howard: Obviously. Scene: Penny's apartment. Bernadette: I had no choice. I had to tell his mother. He can't go to space. He's like a baby bird. Do you know he once got an asthma attack from reading an old library book? Amy: You're kidding. Penny: No, I was there that day. Sheldon threw his back out handing him that book. Bernadette: I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to break up over this. Penny: Okay, why don't you just tell him you made a mistake? Bernadette: Do you guys think it was a mistake? Am I the bad guy in this? Amy: It's not for us to judge. We're just here to provide comfort and support while you come to grips with what a despicable thing you've done. Bernadette: Oh, God, you're right. I took our love and threw it under his bus-sized mother. I need to apologize. Penny: Well, that, that's good. I'm glad you came to that. But before you do, let me just ask you a big picture question. Bernadette: What? Penny: Are you a hundred percent positive you love and want to marry Howard Wolowitz? Bernadette: I do, with all my heart. Penny: Got it. Just had to check. Amy: He's great. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: All right, Sheldon, we're going to Wil's. This is your last chance. Sheldon: No, Leonard, this is your last chance. One day, a historian is going to come to you and say, is it true you were friends with Dr. Sheldon Cooper? And you're going to have to choke back a hot sob of regret and humiliation as you mumble, I was, but I chose to go to a party thrown by the one kid from Stand By Me that no one remembers. Leonard: You want to drive? Raj: Sure. Leonard: Hey, Sheldon? Sheldon: Oh, good. You picked me, you picked me. Leonard: No, I just got a text from Stuart. Brent Spiner is at the party. Sheldon: Brent Spiner? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: I don't care. Leonard: Really? Brent Spiner, Mr. Data himself. You love him. Sheldon: I did, but I think I've kind of outgrown Star Trek. You know, stock characters, ludicrous plots, beam me up. What a load of hooey. Leonard: I'm going. Live long and prosper, Sheldon. Sheldon: Yeah, even that. You look like a dork. Scene: Howard's bedroom. Mrs Wolowitz (off): Howard, Bernadette's here! Howard: Tell her I'm not home! Mrs Wolowitz (off): What kind of a schmuck play is that? She can hear you shouting! Bernadette: Can we talk? Howard: You can. I have nothing to say. Bernadette: All right. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry I said something to your mother. Howard: I was gonna tell her eventually, but you went behind my back. Bernadette: I know. I'm sorry. I got scared. Howard: If you're gonna love me, you're gonna have to love the whole package, the tenderhearted poet and the crazy daredevil. Bernadette: I know. Howard: Well, don't say it if you're not gonna mean it, 'cause I'm not just gonna stop with the space station. Yeah, I want to go to the Moon, I want to go to Mars. I want to take a one-man sub to the lowest depths of the ocean. Bernadette: Really? You got seasick on Pirates of the Caribbean. Howard: Well, those big kids were rocking it. Bernadette: I just did what I did because I love you so much, and the thought of losing you is more than I can handle. Howard: Really? Bernadette: You're my soul mate. This is where you kiss me. Howard: Right, right. Mrs Wolowitz (off): Make up all you want! Your tuchus is not leaving this planet! Scene: Wil Wheaton's party. Raj: Hey, you know that beautiful actress who plays the Borg Queen in First Contact? Leonard: Yeah. Raj: Well, I just met her gynaecologist! Leonard: What are you doing here? Sheldon: Fighting for our friendship. As peculiar and annoying as you can be, you're still my little buddy. I'm not going to let that end here tonight. Now put down that drink, let's meet Brent Spiner and go home. Wil: Hey, Sheldon, I'm so glad you made it. I found something I think you might like. Sheldon: What I'd like is for him to have a more depressing home. This is quite lovely. Wil: This is for you. Sheldon: An original mint-in-package Wesley Crusher action figure. Wil: I remembered your story about the time you went to a convention when you were a kid to get one signed, and I didn't show up. Wil: Look at what I wrote. Sheldon: To Sheldon, sorry this took so long. Your friend, Wil Wheaton. Wil: It's my last one. I want you to have it. Sheldon: Look, everyone. Wil Wheaton is my friend! Brent Spiner: Oh, wow. I haven't seen one of these in years. (Rips open action figure packaging) Remember how we used to make these things look like they were mstrbt*ng? Sheldon: Brent Spiner, what have you done? That was an original mint-in-package Wesley Crusher action figure signed by my close personal friend, Wil Wheaton. Brent: Sorry, Slim. I've got some Mr. Data dolls in the trunk of my car. You want me to sign one for you? Sheldon: You've already signed something, Brent Spiner. Your name on my list. From this moment on, you are my mortal enemy. Wil: Don't worry. It doesn't take up a whole lot of your time. Sheldon: Come on, buddy. Let's not waste another second on this loser. Love your house. Leonard: Can we get autographed dolls? Brent: Sure. Twenty bucks. Leonard: Ten. Brent: Eighteen. Leonard: Twelve. Brent: Sixteen. Leonard: Two for thirty. And you come to my birthday party. Brent: Done.
doc_231	VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars Lamb joins Keith and Veronica at a diner (from 102 "Credit Where Credit's Due"). LAMB: If it isn't my predecessor and mentor. Are you doing anything special to mark the one year anniversary of Lilly Kane's murder? KEITH: Tell me again how you solved the crime. An anonymous tip. Did anybody show up to collect the reward? Do'ya find that strange? Cut to Mac locked out of her car and Veronica opening it for her (from 108 "Like a Virgin"). MAC: Damn it! Wow. That's really criminal of you. VERONICA: I'm Veronica, by the way. MAC: Mac. Cut to Veronica at her mother's safety deposit box, looking at the pictures of her lined up in a gun sight and her observing Wiedman from her car as he enters Kane Software (audio from 109 "Drinking the Kool-Aid", visuals from 105 "You Think You Know Somebody" and 109 "Drinking the Kool-Aid"). VERONICA VOICEOVER: I know who's responsible for scaring Mom away from Neptune. Clarence Wiedman. The man who took surveillance photos of me. So if Jake Kane is my biological father, that information is going to be worth millions End previously. Open at the Mars apartment as Veronica comes out of her bedroom, into the kitchen area where Keith is standing. VERONICA: Good morning. Keith is intent on something he is reading and doesn't respond. Veronica looks over at him VERONICA: Or not. KEITH: You don't go to the oceanside bars that the college kids hang out at, do you? VERONICA: I prefer the biker bar by the train station. I get more attention there. Keith isn't amused. VERONICA: I'm kidding. Why would you ask me that? Keith holds up a newspaper, the headline of which reads: E-String Strangler Strikes Again. KEITH: Twenty year old co-ed washed up dead on the beach. Veronica comes closer to take the paper and read the story. VERONICA: Scary. Wait. Wasn't this your case? I thought they caught this guy in Oakland two years ago. KEITH: Well, apparently they didn't. Everyone wanted to believe the Oakland strangler committed the Neptune crimes too. It never quite fit. Oh, but it was so important for the mayor and the Chamber of Commerce to put that scare behind us. Veronica casts a concerned glance at her father. Cut to Neptune High. Veronica and Wallace are threading their way through the students in the outdoor lunch area, hot dogs in hand. WALLACE: People are really freaking out about this E-String Strangler. My mom is scared to drive home alone. I told her this time she can be happy she's not the guy's type. VERONICA: My dad barely let me out of the house this morning. Another student, Jackson Douglas, butts in just as they reach an empty table. JACKSON: I hear you do detective stuff for people. VERONICA: I do favours for friends. JACKSON: I can pay. VERONICA: Sit down, friend. What can I do for you? JACKSON: I was hoping that you could find some dirt on my parents. VERONICA: [In southern accent] Why Jackson Douglas, I do declare! [Normal voice] You want me to dig up dirt on your own parents. JACKSON: I need leverage. They're crazy strict. They grounded me for two months for smoking up in my room. WALLACE: Apparently you've never spent time in a black woman's house. Be glad you're still walking. JACKSON: Yeah, well, they act like they were always perfect. And every little thing I do wrong is catalogued so they can rub my nose in it later. VERONICA: Sure you can handle the truth? The '70s and '80s were not pretty decades for people. We've all seen the pictures. JACKSON: I can handle it. VERONICA: Now as for the small matter of compensation. They are interrupted by the sound of a string quartet playing the Beatles "Happy Birthday". They turn to watch as Madison Sinclair arrives at a table of her 09er friends and gasps. MADISON: I love my parents. She hands flyers out at the table. MADISON: All right. Come to my party. No need to bring gifts. Madison gasps again as a waiter arrives with a large birthday cake and sets it down on the table. MADISON: Happy birthday to me. Madison, horribly coy and entitled, blows out her candles as Veronica and Jackson watch. VERONICA: The rite of fall. Madison Sinclair's birthday. JACKSON: Best party of the year and I can't go because I'm grounded. WALLACE: Her parents must looove her. VERONICA: They really loved her, they would've gotten the real Beatles. Cut to a piece of paper upon which is written: Jackson's Parents' Jocelyn Aardwick Douglas Alan Douglas Veronica is working at her laptop in Mars Investigations until interrupted. LAMB: [Offscreen] Veronica Mars. She looks up to see the sheriff standing before her in the company of a man in a suit. This man is the mayor of Neptune. LAMB: Is your daddy here, or is he busy peeking in people's windows? VERONICA: You stop dressing up like Little Bo Peep, he'll stop peeking. MAYOR: Your father? Veronica, vaguely petulant, rises from her desk and sticks her head into Keith's office. VERONICA: [Deliberately] Deputy Lamb is here. He's got the mayor with him. KEITH: Show him in. VERONICA: Yeah, sure. I'll just have Rod Serling wait out here on the couch. Veronica throws open the door to Keith's office VERONICA: The detective will see you now. The mayor casts Veronica a disapproving look before entering Keith's office. Keith rises from his desk and shakes hands with the mayor. Veronica watches from the door. MAYOR: It's been a long time, Keith. KEITH: I know. MAYOR: Good to see ya. I wish it were under better circumstances. KEITH: Sit down. The men sit. VERONICA: Can I get anybody anything? Water? Coffee? [Directly herself to Lamb] A banana? LAMB: We're good. VERONICA: Okay. Just leaving. Veronica makes a big play of shutting the door, then stands by it, trying to eavesdrop. KEITH: So how can I help you gentlemen. MAYOR: You know the situation Veronica walks back to her desk but glances continually at the closed door. Finally, it opens and Keith comes out first, followed by the mayor and an unhappy Sheriff Lamb. MAYOR: Thank you Keith. Appreciate it. KEITH: See you tomorrow, Lamb. LAMB: Um-hmm. Can't wait. The men leave. VERONICA: What was that about? What's tomorrow? KEITH: The day I go back to work at the sheriff's department. Veronica's jaw drops. Opening credits. Resume at Mars Investigations as Veronica follows Keith into his office. VERONICA: You're going back to work at the sheriff's department? KEITH: It's temporary. I'm just there to work on the E-String Strangler case. VERONICA: And you're teaming up with Lamb? KEITH: It's a bitter pill, I know but they're paying me my normal hourly. VERONICA: And Lamb agreed to this? His head didn't explode. KEITH: The mayor didn't give him a choice. I'm the closest thing they have to an E-String Strangler authority and it's a big priority for the mayor. A killer preying on partying college girls tends to kill the Spring Break business. VERONICA: So this is all about tourist revenue. God bless America. KEITH: Well, whatever their motive, I'm glad to be involved. VERONICA: Hey, if you're working at the Sheriff's office, you'll have access to the Lilly Kane files. We can finally get our hands on that Crime Stoppers Hotline recording, find out who the anonymous source was, the one who fingered Abel Koontz. KEITH: Veronica, that won't be on my agenda. Veronica is disappointed. Cut to Veronica in her 'office' at Neptune High. She is consulting the file she is holding. VERONICA: Here are the highlights. Your dad was busted trying to buy an eight ball from an undercover cop at an Eagles concert in '74, your mom had five speeding tickets and a collision on her record before she graduated high school. She hands the file to Jackson who is standing before her. He is impressed. JACKSON: I don't care what they say about you, Veronica Mars. You rock. VERONICA: Yes, I do. I also take cash. Veronica holds out her hand. Cut to the outdoor lunch area. Another student, Jasmine, approaches Veronica. CRYSTAL: I hear you can dig up dirt on parents. Veronica smiles. Cut to the sheriff's department. Keith is standing in front of the incident board with pictures of the victims. He is presenting the case to a group of deputies, including Sacks and one who will later be identified as Leo D'Amato, sitting and standing around a table that fills the room. Lamb is standing on the other side of the board. KEITH: The first two victims, Katherine Wills, Andrea Sims were found in 2001 and 2002 respectively. They had certain shared characteristics. Both were undergrads on break, both were attractive social girls, both had- LAMB: Hard partiers. KEITH: Both had high levels of alcohol in their blood and both were abducted on Friday nights. LAMB: Technically, early Saturday morning from midnight to closing time. KEITH: The bodies were found in the bay. A single nickel-plated guitar string tied around their necks. The latest victim, Amy Polk, was killed with the exact same MO. LEO: So he kills them with the guitar strings? KEITH: Naw, that's just- LAMB: It's his signature. His mark. Keith, who has done his best to ignore Lamb's constant interruptions and attempts at a pissing contest, takes a deep breath. KEITH: The girls are asphyxiated. The strangler thing came from the press, it's a misnomer. There's evidence that these women have been held for 48 hours in a contained space, basically suffocated. LAMB: The murders are reminiscent of the Hillside Strangler case. KEITH: Except the Hillside Strangler actually did strangle the girls. LAMB: Party girls, like ours. Picked up outside of bars. Killer leaves his mark. KEITH: Okay, except for the asphyxiation, the imprisonment, the body disposal, these cases have a lot in common. LEO: What do we know about the killer? KEITH: He hates women, he craves attention, he's a luuser. Lamb sighs heavily. KEITH: The weekend killings suggest the guy has a traditional job. LAMB: Amy Polk was found with wrist bands from local bars on her wrist and smudged ink on her palm that looked like it could be a phone number. Lab boys in LA are trying to decipher it. SACKS: Imagine the poor sucker waiting for that phone call. Cut to Veronica, back in the Neptune High girls' room, giving another report. VERONICA: Your mom sued her parent for emancipation when she was sixteen and then moved to Hollywood. According to the Internet Movie Database, she went on to play such roles as "Trucker's girlfriend", "Screaming maid" and "Bi-curious room mate". Veronica hands the file to Jasmine, who grins. Cut to Veronica making another report to a different student. VERONICA: Your mother was married in 1985 for 36 days. JASMINE: Shut up. She grabs the file from Veronica as Mac exits one of the cubicles and glances over to see what is going on. She observes through the mirror as she washes her hands. VERONICA: To a pro-skier she met on Spring Break. They drove to Vegas, did it drive-through style and she had it annulled. JASMINE: And she calls me boy crazy. You just made my year. Veronica smiles. Cut to Mars Investigations. Mac enters the outer office. MAC: Hey. VERONICA: Hi, Mac. MAC: Hope I'm not interrupting anything. VERONICA: Come on in. Mac sits down opposite Veronica. VERONICA: It's a spiffy new Beetle you're driving these days. MAC: Yeah. Well, the purity test was probably my finest hour but that's nothing compared to what this could be. It's time to think global and act local. Mac opens her laptop to show Veronica a site she has designed. The home page reads: Get the Dirt. MAC: Okay, you're exposing parental secrets for fifty bucks a pop. We create this website, double the fee, we have no overhead because I've already bought the domain name. With your sleuth prowess and my programming skills, I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that we would rule the entire known universe. As Mac talks, Veronica explores the site. The next page reads: Parent. There is then a page where a skeleton exits a closet. There is a form headed: Let's Start Digging! VERONICA: I can barely handle school and my cases as it is. MAC: Think about it. This isn't just a college fund. Potentially this is our retirement fund. VERONICA: I will definitely think about it. Mac closes the laptop and hesitates. MAC: There is just one more think, about my folks that I was wondering about. You PIs have access to search engines that would take me weeks to hack into, so I mean I have cash. VERONICA: Gotcha. Keep your money. It's a professional courtesy. Veronica opens her own laptop. MAC: It's not that they're bad parents. They just...don't get me. They're nachos and NASCAR people and I'm more... VERONICA: Falafels and Fellini? MAC: Exactly. VERONICA: Your last name's Mackenzie, right? MAC: Um-hmm, Natalie and Sam, 9715 Colony Place. The results load and return a marriage database with her parents names, dates of birth (21 November 1955 for Samuel and 11 July 1958 for Natalie) and Social Security Numbers. VERONICA: Mom is Natalie Franklin? MAC: Yep. VERONICA: Oh, you had a birthday a couple of days ago. MAC: Yeah, one more year until I can leave home. VERONICA: Okay. On Veronica's laptop, a list appears of various items. Under the heading: Division of Motor Vehicles 01-13-1973 - $250 Fine (Paid) - Speeding 55mph in 25mph Zone 10-24-1985 - $155 Fine (Paid) - Failure to Observe Traffic Signal 04-11-1992 - $120 Fine (Paid) - Illegal Passing Manoeuvre Under the heading: Internal Revenue Service 06-22-1989 Audit - Insufficient Data for Recourse Under the heading: Subscriptions 11-21-2002 - Outdoors, Inc. - 96-week subscription 09-10-2003 - Adventure Camper - 2-year subscription 10-27-2003 - NASCAR the Magazine - Renewed through 10-27-2010 Natalie's subscriptions are: 05-01-2001 - Home & Garden - Renewed through 05-01-2006 01-01-2001 - National Geographic - 3-year subscription VERONICA: Sam's had a few tickets, tax audit, nothing strange Veronica scrolls down to the last entry under the heading: External Income 05-12-1992 - Neptune Memorial Hospital - $1 million awarded in lawsuit. VERONICA: huh, except that. MAC: What? VERONICA: According to this, they won a million dollar lawsuit against Neptune Memorial Hospital in '92. MAC: No way. That's got to be a mistake. VERONICA: Hello? Sleuth prowess. MAC: Come on, they hate lawyers and they never even go near the hospital. VERONICA: You want me to look into it? MAC: Yeah, I do. Cut to Veronica using the microfiche at a library. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Neptune isn't short on millionaires but I figure a judgement that big against the local hospital might have made the papers. It's beginning to look like I'm wrong. She whizzes past a headline then backs up to it. The headline is: Hospital Takes Hit on Baby-Swap Case. Judge order hospital to pay $1 million in damages to each family. The story is written by the newspaper's staff writer, Charles Martin and has the following passages: "After five years of bitter legal battle ensnaring the lives of two Neptune families appointed in our state's legal system for allowing this to proceed as far as my court,' Judge Pockett remarked. The court verdict also contained specific lies to retain custody,' Sarah Epstein, the Plaintiff' lawyer, explained. 'Too much upheaval would have" VERONICA VOICEOVER: Hold the phone! I was expecting something like "Woman Accidentally Receives Pig Heart" but no, I have to find out the one thing that can completely wreck Mac's life. Veronica focuses on a particular passage: "the children's privacy. Also, both families have agreed to keep their non-biological children. Neptune Memorial Hospital spokes-" VERONICA VOICEOVER: How do you live a normal life once you find out you were switched at birth. Cut to Lamb and Keith entering a guitar store. The sound of a session booms out. KEITH: [Shouts] Hello Cleveland. Lamb looks at him as if he has gone mad. KEITH: [By way of explanation] "Spinal Tap". LAMB: What? KEITH: The movie "Spinal Tap". You've never seen "Spinal Tap"? LAMB: No. KEITH: That explains a lot. They head for the counter behind which is a room from which the noise is emanating as three guys play. LAMB: Is there someone that actually works here? One of the guys playing, who is called Gabe, turns and shouts at them above the noise. GABE: Dawg, look like you need help. Keith nods, smiling. Lamb is bored and impatient. KEITH: He's waiting for you to throw your panties. Gabe comes to the counter, still playing. LAMB: Can we lose the noise? GABE: Noise! [Dodgy Britpunk accent] All I hear are sound waves woven into melodic poetry. Gabe gives a shout and carries on playing. Keith leans forward and puts his hand on the guitar's string. Gabe is forced to stop. KEITH: Hey! We can do this here or down at the sheriff's department. Maintaining his open mouthed rocker style, Gabe walks back to the entrance to the room behind and slides the glass door shut. The noise is immediately and effectively muted. Gabe smiles and goes dorky. GABE: So what's up? You lookin' for a band to play the policeman's ball? Keith holds up an evidence envelope with a guitar string enclosed. KEITH: We're looking for a murderer. Found this guitar string tied around the neck of his last victim. Is there anything special about it? Gabe takes and examines it. GABE: This exact string? This is a triple nickel antioxidant special order string we get for just one customer. A guy we call Devil Dave. LAMB: [Excited] Do you know where we can find this Devil Dave? GABE: [Calls out] Devil Daaaave? DAVE: Huh? A nerdy look guy strumming an acoustic guitar in the shop looks up. GABE: Did you kill anyone this week? DAVE: Uh-uh. KEITH: Your basic guitar string? Gabe laughs manically. GABE: Same as any other string. Betcha the criminals in town are shakin' in their boots knowin' you're on the case. Mental note: put in a security system. KEITH: Right. Keith and Lamb turn to go but Gabe wants to bait them and hooks Lamb back. GABE: So ya, ya think the killer's a guitar player? That is brilliant. I think guitar players are a little too busy nailin' women to strangle 'em. Ooooww! LAMB: Even the wannabes and losers living in Neptune who don't realize if they haven't made it by the time they turn thirty it's because they're not going to? They're too busy? Gabe adopts an offended look. Lamb glances at a full scale cartoon of a guitar player behind Gabe. LAMB: Nice art work. Yours? Gabe steps back and strikes the pose of the subject of the cartoon. GABE: Guitar players, the heroes of our modern age. LAMB: Strappin' on a guitar. Does it get rid of feelings of inadequacy? GABE: Does strappin' on a gun? Lamb winks in an "I've got you number" sort of way and turns to go. Cut to Veronica, arriving at the door of a house, looking concerned. The door has a Christmas wreath on it. Mac opens the door. MAC: Hey. VERONICA: Got a minute? Mac gestures for her to enter. In the lounge is a huge Christmas tree. MAC: Ho, ho, ho. There are more, and garish, decorations as she leads Veronica to a short hallway. A ball misses her. She looks up to see her little brother, gun in hand. He giggles and runs back into his room, slamming the door behind him. MAC: [Shouts after him] Ryan, open that door and you'll know pain like you've never known in your pathetic little life. Mac gives Veronica an apologetic grin then opens the door to her room. It is covered with art posters, looking more like a gallery. She has books everywhere. MAC: Enjoy the peace. Lasts about seven minutes tops. Veronica is seriously impressed with the room. VERONICA: Whoa. Who's your curator? MAC: You like it? It's my own little cave. Whenever I run out of space, my dad just builds me more shelves. There's a knock on the door immediately followed by Mac's mother, Natalie, bringing in a tray. NATALIE: Knock, knock. You must be Veronica. I wasn't sure if you were a normal eater or one of those freakball vegans, like Cindy. VERONICA: Uh, more normal than freakball, thanks. Natalie smiles and wants to stay and chat. MAC: Okay, thanks Mom. NATALIE: Okay. Natalie gets it and goes, leaving the girls alone. VERONICA: Cindy? MAC: It won out over Barbie. So what did you find out? Has to be pretty big for you to come deliver it in person, VERONICA: [Sighs heavily]Um MAC: Suspense effectively built. Hit me. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Dad always says, this is the job. Telling people stuff they might not want to know or might be better off not knowing. Veronica slowly pulls up a chair and sits in front of Mac, who is now sitting on her bed. VERONICA: It is big, like, life-altering big, so you should really think about if you want to hear it or if you'd rather just forget it and go on with your life. And may I suggest option B. MAC: I'm adopted, aren't I? Go ahead and tell me, it would explain a lot. VERONICA: [Slowly] Well, yes and no, um, the Mackenzies aren't your biological parents. MAC: So what does that mean. VERONICA: [Sighs again] You were sent home from the hospital with the wrong family. MAC: Oh my god. VERONICA: And there's more. MAC: More than that? VERONICA: Another family was awarded a million dollars at the same time. MAC: Okay. VERONICA: Um, another baby girl, born the day after you were and your biological parents took her home. MAC: Another girl, born a day after me. [Comprehension dawns] I was switched at birth with Madison Sinclair? Cut to Keith in a darkened interrogation room at the sheriff's department. He is seated at the table and has a picture in his hand. KEITH: You were bartending Friday night at Body Shots when Amy Polk came in. [Sliding the picture across the table] Recognise her? Vic Sciaraffa, sitting on the other side of the table, picks up the picture, glances at it and throws it back across the table. Lamb can be seen leaning against the wall in the corner of the room. VIC: Honestly, I can't tell them apart anymore. They all have that same sorority girl in heat look to me. LAMB: We suspect she was there with the man who killed her and you remember him. VIC: Gentlemen, I can't help you. It was Friday night and Friday night is ladies night. Two for one shots. It's wall to wall drunk bitches. KEITH: Do you mind toning down the language. VIC: [Insincerely] Ooops. Sorry. Vic is blas and puts his feet up on the table, staring Keith down. He then looks behind Keith and sees Veronica as she peers into the room through the slatted window blind. VIC: Mmm mmm. Now that one, I would've noticed. Keith looks behind him. Veronica holds up a bag to indicate she has some food for him and then walks away. Keith turns back to Vic. KEITH: That's my daughter. VIC: Wouldn't mind havin' her call me daddy. In one fluid movement, Keith rises off his chair, grabs Vic's feet on the table and throws them up off the table. Vic overbalances and falls to the floor. Vic quickly gets to his feet. KEITH: Whoops! Sorry! Sit down. Cut to Veronica in the reception part of the sheriff's department, clutching the bag. She approaches Leo at his desk.. LEO: Can I help you? VERONICA: You must be new. I'm Keith Mars' daughter, Veronica. LEO: Ah. Leo. VERONICA: Did you just tell me your sign? LEO: [Smiling broadly] My name, actually, though I am coincidentally enough a Leo. VERONICA: I'm just bringing some food for my dad. LEO: Ah well, you can put it on his desk if you want, unless it's gonna go bad or something, then we have a mini-fridge, I could put it in there. VERONICA: I might just take you up on that 'cause there's coleslaw. LEO: No problem. Veronica hands him the bag and he takes it away. Veronica takes the opportunity to check out the counters, looking for something which she doesn't find. She gets back in front of Leo's desk as he returns. LEO: Word of caution. You probably shouldn't trust me. VERONICA: Oh yeah? LEO: Every night at nine, the whole crew goes out to dinner leaving the rookie here to answer the phones. I usually wind up getting dinner at a candy machine. A pastrami sandwich could prove to be very tempting. VERONICA: [Putting her hands on her hips] You looked in my bag. LEO: I told you, I'm a scoundrel. VERONICA: A rogue deputy is among us. No sandwich is safe. LEO: I tell you what. If you promise to come back and visit me, I will stay out of the fridge. VERONICA: Deal. Veronica turns and walks away, looking like the cat that got the cream. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Oh my Deputy Leo. You might as well leave me a key and a map. She throws a smile back at him. He watches appreciatively. Cut back to the interrogation room. Keith and Vic have returned to their positions at the table and Lamb is pacing. LAMB: What about the guys who hang at Body Shots? Anyone suspicious? VIC: Mostly loud-mouth frat boys. You know who you should talk to. The Worm. KEITH: The Worm? VIC: Yeah, this guy who shoot videotapes of all the girls, then sells them to "Girls Gone Bad". KEITH: Where do we find the Worm? Cut to Keith and Lamb approaching an apartment. Lamb is about to rap on the door when Keith grabs hold of his arm, listening intently at the door. The moans and groans of sexual activity can be heard. LAMB: Think he's got a girl in there? KEITH: I think he's got a video rental. Keith pounds on the door. The sounds cut off and Eddie LaRoche pokes his head around the door, looking nervously at his visitors. EDDIE: Yeah, can I help you? LAMB: Sheriff's department. We need to ask you a few questions. KEITH: [Holding up a picture] You recognise her? EDDIE: No. KEITH: Are you sure? 'Cause we heard you were filming at Body Shots the night she disappeared. Take another look. Lamb peers into Eddie's room as Keith talks, spotting a stack of videos and a guitar. Keith hands Eddie the picture. Eddie takes it and examines it for a moment before handing it back. EDDIE: No, really, I don't know her. Listen, I've gotta get dressed for work, so if that's everything KEITH: Sure, no problem, thanks for your time. EDDIE: Right. KEITH: Hey, if you think of anything, just give us a call. Keith hands Eddie a card and Eddie shuts the door. Throughout this exchange, Lamb is staring at Keith as if he has gone mad. Keith walks away and Lamb, frozen for a second, follows. LAMB: I guess you didn't notice, the guitar sitting out there in plain sight. KEITH: I saw it. LAMB: So what does he need, a shirt reading "I'm the E-String Killer, arrest me"? Let's go back. KEITH: He needed to look like he's not going to soil himself. If he gets any more freaked out, he's going to destroy those tapes before we get a warrant. LAMB: You should have consulted me first. KEITH: What did you want me to do, consult you in pig-latin? He was standing right there! LAMB: You don't make the decisions around here. I am the Sheriff. KEITH: I noticed. Thank you. Keith walks on while Lamb casts a longing look back at Eddie's door. Cut to Neptune High, outside, as students arrive. Veronica joins Mac as they walk along. Mac is clutching a flyer. VERONICA: Hey, did you get any sleep last night because I- Veronica notices and grabs the flyer out of Mac's hands. VERONICA: Helping to keep America beautiful by picking up the litter? Mac grabs it back and grins ruefully. MAC: Wanna crash a party with me? VERONICA: Bad idea, Mac. Bad, bad idea. MAC: It's my chance to see how the other half lives, especially since I should have been the other half. Mac walks on. Veronica pauses, staring at her with concern. "Brilliant Sky" by Saybia starts up. SONG: Nothing has changed, I'm exactly the same As before we went cruising In a high speed lane I'm still dreaming of open sky, Open road But grass is not greener On the other side I know by now 'cause I walked the red carped and died There is so much more to life Than what meets the eye We're running wild on the ocean Running wild Brilliant sky all over Cut to night, outside Madison Sinclair's house. Wallace, Veronica and Mac walk up to the entrance, drawing surprised glances. WALLACE: So this is where the bourgie folks live? VERONICA: Upper upper bourgie. MAC: It'll be fine. The front door, with its "Happy Birthday" banner, is opened by Madison, whose smile drops. VERONICA, WALLACE and MAC: Hey, happy birthday. MADISON: What are you doing here? WALLACE: I came to celebrate your birth, but these two just wanna hook up. MADISON: I mean, who invited you? WALLACE: That would be Seth Russell, from History? The three of them step in, forcing a horrified Madison to step back. VERONICA: No, it was Adam Bunting. MAC: Adam Bunting. Isn't that the guy who looks like Fievel? VERONICA: No, no, that's Adam Hamilton. Nobody talks to him, he's poor. MAC: He still looks like Feivel. MADISON: But... I didn't invite Adam! WALLACE: I remember, it was Kevin Powell. MADISON: Who? WALLACE: Kevin Powell. While Wallace keeps Madison occupied, Mac and Veronica wander off. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The last time I crashed an 09er party, I got ridiculed, roofied and woke up missing my underwear. You can imagine how glad I am to be back. Another student comes up behind Veronica. BUD: Hey, hey. I hear you're working some magic lately. Uh, can you help me get my parents off my back. MAC: I'm gonna go find a bathroom. VERONICA: Uh, shop's closed right now, Bud. He grimaces and gives her a pleading look. VERONICA: All right, come see me at school on Monday. BUD: Yeah. Cut to Mac, walking through the crowd. The music changes to Amy Cook's "Fireflies" . SONG: Orange moon lies low Up against a western sky Soon we'll see all our troubles disappear Underneath its watchful eye Meet me in Dockweiler Tonight We'll watch the waves roll in and the plains blow on by We'll build a bonfire And laugh at all life's crazy twists and turns Bonfire And as the flames flicker Burn out bright We're fireflies Tonight Mac sees various pictures of Madison at the Pyramids, St Mark's Square, the Taj Mahal, the Arc de Triomphe. Mac swallows and moves on as one of the 09er boys gives her a curious, contemptuous look. Mac moves into a large library and is captivated. A young girl, about ten, pops her head from around the large leather chair in which she is sitting, startling Mac. LAUREN: Hi. MAC: Hi. LAUREN: You didn't see me, huh. Mac shakes her head. LAUREN: I'm Lauren, I'm Madison's sister. MAC: Hi Lauren. I'm Mac. LAUREN: That's a cool name. MAC: Thanks. So. What are you reading? Mac moves further into the room and sits opposite Lauren, putting down her bag. LAUREN: "The Westing Game". It's really good. MAC: Yeah, it is. LAUREN: I'll probably finish it tonight. Madison says I have to stay in here. Loud footsteps sound as an angry Madison enters. MADISON: What are you doing in my parent's library? LAUREN: She's read my book. MADISON: No one's supposed to be here. It's off limits. Veronica races in behind Madison. VERONICA: There you are. MADISON: And you. I won't even start. LAUREN: God, Madison, they're here for your party. MADISON: No, Lauren, they're crashing my party. You need to leave. You don't belong here. MAC: Well actually- Veronica grabs Mac and leads her out of the room. VERONICA: We were just leaving, right Mac? Happy Birthday, Madison. Thanks for being such a gracious host. Martha Stewart has nothing on you. Cut to Veronica pulling up outside the Mackenzies. The outside is as garishly decorated as the inside with hundreds of lights. Mac sits in the passenger seat. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I could tell Mac I know how she feels, but the truth is, I don't. When I had the opportunity to learn my paternity, I chose blissful ignorance with a side of gnawing doubt. MAC: Think she's even read five books in that library? She wouldn't know Monet's Water Lilies unless Revlon named a nail polish after it. [Snorts] I have a blood sister I've never even heard of. VERONICA: And Madison has a brother. MAC: Why didn't they just trade us back? We would have gotten over it eventually. VERONICA: I suppose they got kind of attached in those first four years. MAC: They should have figured it out way before then. At two I was spitting out corn dogs and tuning the radio to NPR. Did you ever find out what happened to that million dollars? VERONICA: Still working on it, [hopefully] unless you wanna just blow it off. MAC: No. Keep checking. I've come this far. See ya. Mac gets out of the car. Cut to the car park at the sheriff's department. Lamb is getting a box of videos out of the boot of his car while Keith is on his cell phone. KEITH: Okay, well, thanks for calling me back. He finishes his call and approaches Lamb. KEITH: That was one of the "Girls Gone Bad" producers. They've never even heard of Eddie LaRoche. LAMB: Ah, so this guy's been videotaping girls for his own personal enjoyment. Nice. Told you I had a bad feeling about that guy. Keith reaches into the boot to grab another box. KEITH: This the stuff from his apartment? LAMB: Yeah. Pervert's recorded 40 tapes-worth of girls flashing their ta-tas. KEITH: Okay, well, we should split these up- LAMB: We'll split 'em up and we'll see if any of the victims are on 'em. KEITH: Perfect. Leo runs up behind them. LEO: Hey. Strings from Eddie's guitar match the strings left on the victims. Keith and Lamb share a satisfied look. Cut to a clock in the sheriff's department, showing the time as 9:07. Veronica enters, carrying a pizza in a large box. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I know, I'm shameless. But every time I start to feel guilty, I remind myself that Lilly would be thinking about colleges right now or what new CD played at maximum volume would most annoy her mother. And I remember my mission. She pauses at the counter and sees Leo, on his own in the office, his back turned to her. She dings the counter bell. He turns and grins. She holds out the pizza box invitingly. VERONICA: Hungry? Cut to later with them sitting at his desk, enjoying the pizza. VERONICA: So what made you decide to be a cop? LEO: Oh, well the same old tired story. I was sent here by the agency to do a strip-o-gram for Inga. Veronica laughs. LEO: An armed robbery call came in, I figured I was in uniform anyway, so what the hell. VERONICA: So you're saying you just kind of stumbled into it. LEO: Uh, what I'm trying to say is, this uniform, it's-it's a tear-away. Veronica laughs again, genuinely amused. WEEVIL: [Offscreen and loudly] Hello? Weevil is at the counter and bangs on the bell. WEEVIL: Is anyone back there? Leo gets up and goes to the counter, his back to Veronica. WEEVIL: Hi! LEO: Hi. WEEVIL: I need to talk to someone about the noise level Veronica slides open a couple of the drawers of Leo's desk until she finds keys.. WEEVIL: [Offscreen] in my neighbourhood which is truly out of control! LEO: [Offscreen] Uh-huh WEEVIL: [Offscreen] I mean, you got motorcycle gangs, gunshots LEO: [Offscreen] Wh- WEEVIL: [Offscreen] heavy metal music? It's gotten to the point where I can't even sleep at night. Veronica runs on tip-toes to the evidence room. LEO: [Offscreen] Well, why don't- WEEVIL: [Offscreen] I'll bet that if my zip code ended in 0909, you'd have a patrol car swinging by the house every 10 minutes. [Adopting a hokey accent] "Good evening Mr. Weevil. Is there anything we can do for you?" That kind of service. Veronica searches. WEEVIL: [Offscreen] But no, it's the barrio. So you figure, hey, they'll sort it out themselves. She finds a box and pulls it out. Cut to Weevil as he throws himself into his part. WEEVIL: And don't get me started on what this is doing to the property values in my neighbourhood! Cut back to Veronica as she searches through the box. She finds a CD entitled: Crime Stoppers Hotline. WEEVIL: [Offscreen] I have a good mind to run for the city council and if I win, I'll promise you this. Cut to Weevil, who sees Veronica return to her place as Leo's desk. WEEVIL: Heads will roll. LEO: We could send a patrol car by.... WEEVIL: I'm wondering if I'm better off speaking with your supervisor. LEO: Well, he won't be in until morning. WEEVIL: Well then you leave the sheriff a note: he shouldn't expect Eli Navarro Esquire's vote this year! Weevil finishes with a flourish of bell ringing and Leo returns to his desk. LEO: Sorry, couldn't get rid of him. VERONICA: No problem. Cut to a little later as they are finishing the pizza. LEO: Seventeen? [Laughs ruefully] You're seventeen? VERONICA: I don't see how my age is relevant to this discussion. LEO: Well then, you're not reading my mind. VERONICA: I'm afraid to ask. And how old are you? LEO: Twenty. VERONICA: Yeah, I can read the wisdom in your eyes. LEO: I've one line, that's it. You wanna hear it? VERONICA: Sure. LEO: My band's playing this weekend. If you wanna come down, I'll put you on the guest list. VERONICA: [With mock scepticism] And that line works? LEO: On occasion. But the good thing about the line is, it's a no-risk line. You throw it out there. If she shows up, hey, she's interested. If she doesn't, you haven't embarrassed yourself. Of course, if the girl you're chatting up can't get into the club then the whole thing's kinda useless. VERONICA: A cop that rocks. What will they think of next? LEO: I'm trying to cover all fantasy bases. Veronica laughs. Cut to Veronica in her bedroom with the CD in hand. She puts it on the laptop and plugs in earphones. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The Crime Stoppers Hotline CD I snuck out of the evidence room should have a recording of every call on it. What I wanna know? Who gift wrapped Abel Koontz for Sheriff Lamb. She listens to the variety of voices, becoming increasing bored and frustrated. HOTLINE CALLERS: There's been a suspicious vehicle parked on my street for days and I'm wondering if it's somehow connected to the Lilly Kane murder I think I saw the girl on the day of the murder, at the gas station on main What's up? It was me. I killed her My neighbour? I can hear him I have grave concerns about a sheriff's department I would love to send them a card The logical by-product of the evil practices of Kane Software She sits up when she hears a deep, electronically distorted voice. [SCENE_BREAK] VOICE: I know who killed the Kane girl. His name is Abel Koontz. He lives in a houseboat on the marina. Cut to Keith in the living room, watching one of Eddie's tapes on the TV. He pauses the picture when he sees Amy Polk. Cut to his arrival at the sheriff's department. He goes to Lamb's office. KEITH: Amy Polk is on this tape. Let's bring this guy in. LAMB: As always, a day late and a dollar short. I already got him sweating in interrogation. [Holding up a picture] She was on one of mine. KEITH: So how you wanna play this? LAMB: I say we play to our strengths. KEITH: So I'm good cop? Cut to Eddie in the interrogation room. He appears completely strung out. Lamb puts his face near his ear. LAMB: Why don't you admit it, scumbag? Say it. [Whispers] I killed those girls. EDDIE: I wanna go home. LAMB: Oh, I'm sure you do. But you still haven't told us why two of the murdered girls ended up in your little do-it-yourself porno tapes. KEITH: Why'd you lie to us, Eddie? Why'd you tell us you didn't know Amy Polk. EDDIE: There have been so many. LAMB: Why'd you keep them alive 48 hours, huh? Are you lonely Eddie, did you just need someone to talk to. Huh? Eddie draws a deep, raspy breath, as if in pain. EDDIE: If I tell you can I go home? Lamb looks up at Keith, triumphant. He slaps a pad of paper in front of Eddie. LAMB: Start writing. We'll see. KEITH: Don, can I talk to you a sec? Both move just outside the interrogation room. KEITH: [Quietly] Everything we have on this guy is circumstantial. I mean, obviously he has some mental issues. No judge is gonna allow his confession. LAMB: I'll take that chance. KEITH: I'm saying I'm not sure he's our guy. LAMB: [Sighs heavily] What's the problem? Too easy for you? KEITH: Let me ask you something. Where did he keep those girls for all that time? It couldn't have been his apartment, the walls are too thin. We know he doesn't have other property. I don't think we can eliminate the possibility that it was someone else. LAMB: [Sarcastically] Like who? Jake Kane? Keith sighs as Lamb looks into the interrogation room through the window. LAMB: Ah, well lookie here. He's writing. [Dismissive] Keith, I'll handle it from here. We'll send you a cheque. Keith holds back his anger and Lamb re-enters the interrogation room. LAMB: What do you got for me, Eddie? Is it a page turner? Eddie slides the pad across the table towards Lamb. He picks it up and reads the words: I want a lawyer. Eddie stares at him malevolently as he slaps the pad back down on the table. Cut to Veronica at her desk at Mars Investigations. She's on the phone. MAC: [Offscreen] Hello? VERONICA: Mac. It's Veronica, hey. I just emailed you a sound file. The voice on it has been digitally altered. Do you think you can strip it down? MAC: [Offscreen] Maybe, I'll give it a shot. VERONICA: Thanks. Also, I think I found out what happened to the money from the lawsuit. You know "Funtime Motors"? They sell jet skis and four wheelers? Cut to Mac, sitting in her car using her cell phone. Thereafter the scenes cut between them MAC: Yeah, sure. My dad's a salesman there. VERONICA: He used to own it. VERONICA: Your dad started that business in 1992. He filed for bankruptcy in 1994 and it was bought out in early '95. There is a long pause. VERONICA: You still there? MAC: I'm okay, Veronica, really. VERONICA: Mac, I know this is hard to hear but you did have a choice in all this. There's a reason this was kept a secret. MAC: Yeah. I'm not gonna do anything stupid. I just need time to think. I'll talk to you later. Mac gets out of her car. She is in front of the Sinclair's house. She rings the bell. Mrs Sinclair, a brunette looking remarkably like Mac opens the door. She appears to recognise Mac but doesn't acknowledge it. MRS SINCLAIR: [Cautiously] Hello. MAC: [Emotionally] Hi. [Pauses] I'm Cindy. I think I-I left my purse in the library when I was here for Madison's party. MRS SINCLAIR: [Surprised] You were okay, well, come in. Mac enters the house as Mrs Sinclair, concerned, shuts the door. They go into the dining room where Lauren is reading. MRS SINCLAIR: Lauren, this is- LAUREN: Hi Mac. MAC: Hey. Finish your book, yet? LAUREN: Twenty pages left. Can't wait. MRS SINCLAIR: Mac thinks she might have left her purse in the library. Would you go check? MAC: It's leopard print. Lauren leaves the room and Mrs Sinclair turns to Mac. They are careful with each other. MRS SINCLAIR: So, how's school? MAC: It's good. I mean the actual school part is good, anyway. MRS SINCLAIR: What kind of college do you think you'll- MADISON: [Offscreen and imperious] Mom! Did you Madison comes down the stairs. MADISON: pick up the dry cleaning? I can't find- She stops when she sees Mac. MRS SINCLAIR: Oh, hi honey. I guess you know Cindy. She thinks she might have left something here. MADISON: You were here long enough to leave something? MRS SINCLAIR: So, anybody want a snack? MADISON: No thanks. I'm not hungry. MAC: Sure, if it's not too much trouble. MRS SINCLAIR: No, no trouble at all. Mrs Sinclair puts a comforting hand on Mac's arm. Madison snorts in derision. MADISON: I'm going upstairs. Madison turns on her heel and heads back to the stairs, sharing a dirty look with her sister as Lauren returns with Mac's bag. MAC: Thank you. MRS SINCLAIR: So I could make you a sandwich or MAC: You know, I-I should probably go. It was nice to- MRS SINCLAIR: Are you sure? Both are emotional and Mac races out of the house, Mrs Sinclair gazing longingly after her. Cut to the sheriff's department. Keith is packing up his stuff when a distraught woman runs in. WOMAN: Somebody help me, please? Leo goes to the counter as Keith watches. LEO: What's the problem? WOMAN: My daughter Kelly. She went off last night with a group of girlfriends, even though I warned her not to go to those bars. She didn't come home. LEO: Ma'am, I'm sure she's all right. Lamb comes out from his office. LAMB: What's going on here? KEITH: Her daughter's missing. WOMAN: The strangler's got her. I know he does. If you don't find her, I will hold you responsible. All of you. Lamb looks back at Keith. Cut to Keith, unpacking his stuff again in Lamb's office. Lamb enters. LAMB: What are you doing here? I told you, you're out. KEITH: Yeah, well, that was before I knew there was another girl missing. Sacks and another deputy come to the door of the office. SACKS: We got the test results back from the writing on the victim's palm. They were able to put together a seven digit number. It belongs to Vic Sciaraffa. KEITH: The bartender from Body Shots. LAMB: Who's out in the field? SACKS: Haymark and Jones. LAMB: Send them to his apartment- SACKS: Already did. He's not there and his car isn't in the carport. LAMB: I want you to send out an APB, notify the Feds. We gotta move on this thing. Okay, let's go. Lamb shuffles everyone out except Keith. Cut to a little later. Keith is on his cell. KEITH: Veronica, hey, it's Dad. I just need to know where you are right now. Cut to the tracker in Keith's car as he drives in the night. KEITH: Veronica? It's me again. Listen, I'm tracking your phone right now. Can you call me as soon as you get this? Keith pulls up outside some derelict looking buildings. He approaches a door and can hear a guitar playing. He bangs on the door to no end. He draws his gun and heads to a smaller door round the side. He kicks it in. Two guitarists stop playing, shocked at the gun pointed at them. Leo, playing drums, jerks back in his seat. GUITARIST: It's cool. It's cool. Veronica steps slowly towards her father. Keith lowers the gun. VERONICA: [Embarrassed] Dad, everyone. Everyone, Dad. EVERYONE: Hey. Hey. Ah, dude. Keith goes to Veronica. KEITH: Are you okay, honey? VERONICA: Aside from never wanting to show my face again. LEO: What's going on? KEITH: There's a new girl missing. The killer might still be on the loose and he's he might be a guy who doesn't like me and does like you. As he gets his equilibrium back, Keith glances from Veronica to Leo. KEITH: So you two know each other? VERONICA: Did I forget to mention that? Keith notices the cladding on the walls. KEITH: You do this yourself? LEO: Yeah, we were getting a lot of noise complaints from the neighbours. Something clicks. Keith addresses the lead guitarist. KEITH: Will you follow Veronica back to the sheriff's department? GUITARIST: Yeah. KEITH: [To Leo] You got your piece with you? LEO: Ah, yeah. KEITH: [To Veronica] Okay, you go, [then to Leo with a gesture] come here. Veronica watches with bemusement as Leo follows Keith out. Cut to Keith and Leo screeching to a stop outside the guitar shop. Keith is on the radio. KEITH: Deputy D'Amato and I are checking out Evermore Guitars. It's probably nothing. RADIO: Roger. They get out of the car and inspect the door. KEITH: Closed Saturday and Sunday. Abducts the girl Friday, disposes of the body Sunday night. It's a theory at least. They back away to look at the premises. LEO: What do you wanna do? KEITH: Find a way in. Keith picks up something from the ground. LEO: What is it? KEITH: Wrist band from Body Shots. Keith gets a crowbar from the boot of his car and applies it to the door. KEITH: Hey, can you stay here? Give me a signal if he shows up. Cut to Keith in the store. He throws open the sliding glass door into the room behind the counter. In the dark, he painfully bumps into a drum set, causing the symbol to clang. He hears a muffled cry. KELLY: Hello? Is someone out there? KEITH: [Shouting] Hold on, hold on, I'm coming for ya. Keith hits a switch for light but instead turns on disco lights which do little to illuminate the scene. He heads for what looks like a small refrigerator. KEITH: I'm with the sheriff's department. Hang tight. He frantically applies the crowbar to the padlock. Behind him, and unseen, a figure is creeping down the stairs in the corner of the room, holding some sort of weapon. Keith gets the padlock off and wrenches open the fridge. He pulls Kelly out. KEITH: Are you okay? Breathe. She does and looks up and over Keith's shoulder. She screams. Gabe is behind Keith, arms raised to bring his weapon down on his head. Before he can, he is tackled from behind by Leo. Gabe gets the upper hand and is on top of Leo. He starts to choke him. He stops when he hears Keith's gun cocked close to his head. KEITH: Stop. Now, or I will shoot you. Gabe knows it's all over. Cut to the sheriff's department. Leo is packing stuff up at his desk. Veronica approaches. VERONICA: You know, saving the life of a gal's dad, smooth. LEO: [Softly] Hey. Veronica notes his muted response and what hs is doing. VERONICA: Is everything okay? LEO: Not really. Sheriff just came and told me I've been suspended for a week seeing as the evidence room was left unlocked on my shift the other night. Somebody must have snuck off with the key when I wasn't looking. You know anything about that? Veronica gives him a baleful, and guilty, look. LEO: [Chuckles] Can't say I wasn't warned. Leo leaves. Veronica watches him sadly. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Same old story. Girl uses boy. Girl falls for boy. Boy saves girl's dad's life. Girl gets what she deserves. Her cell rings. VERONICA: Yeah? Cut to Mac, at home and thereafter between them. MAC: It's me. Are you busy? VERONICA: No, I'm suddenly very free. MAC: I decoded the message, I think, so do you wanna swing by tomorrow morning and hear it? VERONICA: Sure. MAC: You gotta make it early though. I'm going camping with my family. VERONICA: Camping? MAC: It's a bi-annual rite of torture. Cut to the next morning. Natalie is racing about as Veronica and Mac sit at the dining table at the laptop. MAC: I'll play this recording at a few different speeds. Tell me when you think it's right. VERONICA: Sounds good. NATALIE: Oh, ah, honey. Did you remember a pillow? MAC: Yeah, I've packed it. NATALIE: Good. Natalie carries on racing about. VERONICA: So where are you guys headed? MAC: Ah, Yosemite maybe. I never know 'til I get there. Okay, here we go. VOICE: The Kane girl. His name is Abel Koontz. VERONICA: No, nothing yet. MAC: Let's try this. VOICE: I know who killed the Kane girl. MAC: Veronica, I gotta go soon. VERONICA: I know. Can you just try it one more time. VOICE: His name is Abel Koontz. He lives in a houseboat on the marina. VERONICA: Stop. I know who it is. Cut to outside Mac's home. Ryan is running around the camper with his ball gun. NATALIE: Ryan, if you don't want to be left, I suggest you get into this camper. Natalie chases Ryan offscreen as Mac's father, Samuel, comes out of the camper. SAMUEL: Honey, you have everything you need, uh, pocket knife, headlamp, latest works of staggering genius? MAC: Yeah, Dad, it's all accounted for. SAMUEL: All right. Samuel heads back towards the house and Mac sticks some stuff into the camper. When she turns, she sees a small car on the other side of the road. 46bliss's beautiful "The Way You Are" starts up. SONG: All the way around alone. All, all the way home All, all, all the way around alone All, all, all the way home All, all, all the way around alone All, all, all the way home All, all, all the way around alone All, all, all the way home All, all, all the way around alone Put yourself, put yourself in my place Put yourself, put yourself in my place Put yourself, put yourself in my place Put yourself, put yourself in my place Put yourself, put yourself in my place Put yourself, put yourself in my place Put yourself, put yourself in my place Put yourself, put yourself in my place It's Mrs Sinclair. Mac walks up to the car. The window is rolled up. Mac puts her spread hand on the window. Mrs Sinclair covers her hand with her own, the glass between. She starts to sob as they stare at each other. Cut to Natalie and Samuel, ready to go. NATALIE: Cindy! What are you doing? Come on, let's go. MAC: I'll be there in a minute, Mom. As Mac turns to address her parents, her hand drops. Mrs Sinclair drives away. Mac stares after the car then rejoins her family. MAC: So where are we going this year, anyway? NATALIE: Come on. Let's hit the road. Cut to Veronica at Mars Investigations. She puts her telephoto lens on her camera. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I suppose this isn't my smartest move. I don't care. I want him to know what it feels like. Cut to Kane Sofware. A man approaches a reception desk. RECEPTIONIST: Hey boss. Package came for you. She slides an envelope over the counter. He opens it as he walks away and finds pictures of himself, for it is Clarence Wiedman, on his own, with a small boy and with Jake Kane. He returns to the receptionist. WIEDMAN: How'd this package arrive? RECEPTIONIST: Messenger. WIEDMAN: I wanna find out who paid to have it sent here. Today. Wiedman goes to his office (#162). VERONICA VOICEOVER: You send target photos of me to my mom. You call in the Abel Koontz tip. Two words for you, Clarence Wiedman: game on. End.
doc_232	[Scene: Capeside High, classroom. Dawson and Joey are in English class and the teacher is discussing Shakespeare.] Teacher: The Two Gentlemen of Verona. Not one of the bard's best, but an interesting apprentice piece nonetheless. In the high-spirited Silvia, we see the first version of a character we're later going to come to know as Juliet. In the 2 male characters Proteus and Valentine [Drue plays with Joey's hair] Joey: Next time, I draw blood. Drue: It's your own fault. I'm new here, and you're not being very nice to me. Joey: I'm not trying to be. Drue: But then again you don't strike me as very popular, so you can turn around now. You're of no use to me. Teacher: I hate to interrupt, Miss Potter, but maybe you could tell us what the two gentlemen of Verona is all about. Joey: Uh, well, it's a Teacher: could you raise the volume a notch? I don't speak mumble. Joey: It's about a girl who comes between 2 guys. Teacher: Right you are. 2 guys, a girl, and no pizza place. [no one laughs]Uh, how did the play make you feel, Miss Potter? Joey: I didn't think it was very realistic. I mean, Valentine is this cardboard-cutout hero, and Proteus is unfairly painted as a villain. I just think these scenarios are actually a lot more complicated. Dawson: [Chuckles] Teacher: Mr. Leery, do I sense an opposing viewpoint in your little chortle? Dawson: No, no. It was nothing. Teacher: Please, please. Elaborate. Dawson: Well, um, I don't think it's a story about a girl coming between 2 guys. I think it's about the friendship between the 2 guys. Joey: Which fails when the girl comes between them. Dawson: It fails because one friend betrays the other. I mean, Proteus is a lousy friend. Joey: Valentine isn't such a great guy. I mean, he's so fixated on his honor that he totally loses sight of everything else around him. Dawson: He was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. He gave up the girl he loved. You think that's a bad thing? Joey: I think nothing about this topic is black and white, Dawson. [Drue raises his hands] Teacher: Drue. Drue: Gene and roger here have a fantastic energy, but they're sort of all over the place. Now I for one would love to see them engage in a prepared debate about the merits of the play. Joey: Would you mind your own business? Teacher: I think that is a splendid idea. I've never generated so much heat out of what is arguably Shakespeare's worst comedy. And you know what would make it even better? If you teamed up with them, Drue, threw your own viewpoint into the mix. I look forward to a lively debate from the 3 of you... Tomorrow. [Opening Credits] [Scene: Inside Gram's kitchen. Jen comes out of her bedroom and walks into the kitchen sher Grams is there holding an umbrella.] Grams: Jen, look at that. It's almost time for me to be picking you up at school. Jen: I'm not even an hour late yet. That doesn't break my record. Grams: Skipping school is no way for a young lady to handle her problems. Jen: I had a lot of any femme music to weed through this morning, and I happen to resent the interruption. Grams: Those songs you listen to only exacerbate your sadness. Jen: Well, then you're missing the point 'cause I'm not sad. No, I've moved on from sad. I am currently in the thick of pissed off. Grams: Good! Then you'll recognize my attitude if you pull this routine one more time. Jen: What happened to the kinder, gentler grams? I miss her. Grams: Oh, Jennifer, I'm not so old that I don't remember how important seeing your fall term is. Jen: Old enough to call it fall term. Grams: Much of what your next 4 years will be decided now, Jennifer, and I will not let a momentary heartache squander any opportunities you may have. I'm hereby putting a 48 hour cap on your melancholy. Jen: You can't cap my melancholy. Grams: Watch me. Now here. Stay dry. Jen: Have you looked outside today? 'Cause it happens to be beautiful. Grams: Today is a red-letter day in the farmer's almanac. Rain is definitely predicted. [Scene: Capeside High Hallway. Dawson and Joey are walking out of class and stop by her locker.] Dawson: So, leery manor or the B&B? Where you want to get together? Joey: Dawson, are you ok with this? Dawson: Well, rather than debate the awkwardness of the situation, I'd much prefer we just got it over with. Joey: Ok. Well, um, I have to work. So you're going to have to come down to the yacht club. Dawson: Ok. Are you going to be able to, uh, focus down there? Joey: Ha. Yeah. The place is a tomb on Thursday nights. Well, except for one old geezer who always shows up for the prime rib special. Dawson: All right. Sounds cool. I'll see you later. [Pacey walks towards them with Jen and upon seeinf him, dawson leaves] Pacey: Someone couldn't have high-tailed it out of here fast enough. Joey: And you are in such a race to start conversation with him? Jen: Mmm. She's right, Pacey. One day one of you is going to have to put an end to this great era of silence. Pacey: But not me and not today. Today I am celebrating. Joey: Celebrating? Jen: Pacey done good. Pacey: Oh, Pacey done very good. Pacey got his first "A." Joey: Hmm? Good omen, yeah? Pacey: And I couldn't have done it without you. Joey: I was but a mere study aide. Pacey: Sure you were. So now, you're going to come sailing with me this afternoon, because this afternoon is the absolute last beautiful day of the season, and you have been conscripted to be my deck hand. Joey: I'd love to, pace, but I have a project to do. Pacey: Put it off for one day? Joey: It's due tomorrow. And... Pacey: Am I missing something here? Joey: It's with Dawson. It wasn't planned. It was assigned. Pacey: Well, isn't that cute? Jen: I'll go with you if you want. I mean, maybe the open horizon will serve to lift my spirits a bit. Huh? Pacey: Really? Jen: Yeah. Joey: There you go. Willing victim. Jen: Oh, 2 things. First of all, I absolutely refuse to make out with you, and second of all, there's a distinct possibility that I'll puke. Joey: What do you know? Those are my 2 things. [Scene: Andie's Bedroom. Andie is there fixing her hair when Jack walks by her door.] Andie: Hey, wait! Jack, Jack! Come here. Jack: Ok. Andie: So. Up like this? Or down? Jack: Don't ask me hair questions. Andie: Jack! Eh, you know what? Down. It's more relaxed. You know, I've got that interview today at the yacht club, so... Jack: I didn't know you were looking for a job. Andie: Duh, Jack! College interviews. Jack: Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. It's that time. Andie: For those of us who started the application process, yes. Jack: This one for Harvard? Andie: No. Uh, you know, that guy Drue? Well, his mom, Miss Valentine, she's one of the alums of the backup schools I'm looking at. So, uh, you know it's always crucial to make a good first impression. [Andie almost falls over.] Jack: Whoa! Andie! You ok? Andie: Yeah, yeah. I just got a little dizzy. That's all. Jack: Here. Why--here. Sit down. Andie: Yeah. Jack: It's that new drug you started, isn't it? Andie: Yeah, Nardil. Yeah, it's actually working pretty well. Better than anything else I've tried. Jack: I know this is preventative, but are you sure you're ok with it? Andie: It is a little scary, but it's just like dr. Newman said-- "in times of high stress, it can't hurt to have an extra line of defense." Jack: You can always try my tactic. Just forget altogether that you're a senior. Andie: [Laughs] yeah, right. Only, I wasn't born with those genes. Ok. How do I look? Jack: Like you should be interviewing her. [Scene: Dawson's living room. Mitch and Gale come downstairs and sit on the couch, wrapped in blankets and carrying tissues. Dawson walks in to the room behind them.] Dawson: Oh, so you're sick now, too? Mitch: Uh, I got the sniffly part. Gale: Oh, I still got that nauseous part. Dawson: Well, you know, maybe if you two kept your tongues out of each other's throats for 2 seconds, you'd stop passing this thing back and forth. Gale: Take a good look, honey. This is marriage. Dawson: All right. I've got to go to the yacht club. I got some homework to do. Mitch: Mmm. A sociology report on the wealthy? Dawson: No. I've got a project to do with Joey. Wasn't our idea. We got assigned. Mitch: Are you ok with that? Dawson: Why does everybody treat me like my head is going to spontaneously explode every time her name is mentioned? Gale: Because it did. Dawson: 3 months ago. Which in teenager time is like a decade. Joey's got her life and I've got mine. Gale: And Pacey? Dawson: I see you've joined dad in your great Pacey watch 2000. Sorry I don't have any updates. Oh, except for the fact that he seems to hate me even more since I let Joey know about his grade situation. Thanks for the tip, pop. Mitch: You did the right thing. Dawson: Well, I'm all out of right things as far as Pacey's concerned. You guys want me to get you anything before I go? Mitch: No. On your way out, would you shut the windows back there? The wind's starting up. Dawson: Will do. All right. [Scene: On the deck of the True Love. Pacey and Jen are sailing around. Enjoying the beautiful weather.] Jen: It'll be hard as hell to turn this boat around and come back to reality. Pacey: That's an understatement. Jen: Oh, you can just forget about the world out here. Pacey: Yeah. You could almost forget that your girlfriend's spending the entire afternoon with her ex-soulmate. Jen: Pacey, you know, I am probably the last person on earth that you should be out here with. Pacey: Oh, that's not true. Ever seen Dougie in a Speedo? Jen: I mean, I love you and Joey, but if you're having doubts whether a teenage couple can sustain a relationship, I'm probably not the best person to talk to. Pacey: Lean over! Jen: Oh, what's that? Pacey: That is a gift from the gods. Jen: Did you check the weather? Pacey: Yeah, of course. I checked it this morning, and it said that the storm system is headed up the coast, but it's going to pass us right overhead. [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Dawson, Joey and Drue are sitting around a table talking about the debate they have to give.] [Cell phone rings] Drue: Hello. Hey, gorgeous. Dawson: Unbelievable. Joey: Unacceptable. Hello. Gorgeous is it? Hi. Yes. This is Drue's doctor, and he's going to have to get back to you when the syphilis clears up, ok? Bye-bye. Drue: That was rude. Joey: Oh, ruder than taking cell phone calls when we're supposed to be working on a project that you got us into? I don't think so. Drue: Excuse a brother for picking up on the intense, dare I say, sexual vibe between the two of you. Must be the Star Wars thing. Dawson: Star Wars Thing? Drue: Star wars thing it's classic. You are obviously Luke to this Pacey guy's Hans Solo. See, you're the stuff of pre-teen daydreams. Cute. Smart. Non-threatening. Which is great and all, but not for princess Joey here who's clearly smack dab in the middle of her bad-boy phase. Dawson: And where do you fit into this whole scenario, Drue? Joey: Jabba the Hutt, I think. [Mr. Brooks comes into the room.] Mr. Brooks: Hmm. Hmm. Ahem. Joey: Hello, Mr. Brooks. Mr. Brooks: My usual table please. Joey: Mmm. Sorry, it's taken. Mr. Brooks: If the opening act is over, I'd like to sit down now. Joey: So will you be having the prime rib special this evening? Mr. Brooks: Yes, and I'll have it quick. I want to get my boat home before the storm. Joey: Storm? Mr. Brooks: A weather phenomenon where the skies darken and rain falls. Joey: Um, I'll be back with your water. [Joey goes to get his water and finds Drue at the bar watching TV.] TV actors: Sorry...Quick. No, no, no. It's my fault. I didn't Joey: Mr. Brooks said that there's a storm coming. Drue: Mr. Brooks lives alone on the edge of town with a 3-legged dog named boo. Joey: Well, have you seen any storm reports? Drue: Nope. [Gun shots on TV] you'd think those things would impede her ability to use an Uzi. Joey: Just let me know if you hear anything. [Cell phone rings] Drue: Hello. Hey, gorgeous. Nah. Don't worry about it. She's crazy. What's going on? [A message about the storm goes by the bottom of the TV] [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club office. Andie is there getting her interview from Mrs. Valentine.] Mrs. Valentine: Well, Andrea, your academic record is certainly outstanding. Andie: Thank you. Oh, and Andie's fine. Mrs. Valentine: Oh, a nickname. How charming. Any idea what you'd like to study in school? Andie: Well, everything. At least at first. History. Philosophy. English. You can never underestimate the value of a well-rounded liberal arts education. Mrs. Valentine: If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, whom would you choose? Andie: Eleanor Roosevelt. Mrs. Valentine: Ohh. Most students say Jesus. Well, let's see. You worked on the yearbook, the newspaper, you directed a play. Andie: Yes. Barefoot in the park by Neil Simon. It was completely a pre-feminist, but it held up surprisingly well. We took sort of a Mrs. Valentine: I see only one red flag here. At the end of your sophomore year you took a medical leave of absence? Andie: Yes, I did. Um, but I was able to make up my finals, and none of my grades suffered. Mrs. Valentine: Nothing serious, I hope. Your illness? Andie: I was having some emotional problems. Mrs. Valentine: Emotional problems? So this was a mental illness? Would you like some tea, dear? Andie: Sure. [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Joey and Dawson are sitting at the table trying to go over the debate items.] Joey: I just think that if Valentine and Proteus came to some mutual understanding... Oh, god. What? Dawson: Joey, we are trying so hard not to talk about Pacey, he's become the subtext of this whole damn play. What do you say we just get it out in the open once and for all? Joey: Ok. Let's. Dawson: Pacey and I are not going to be friends again. End of story. I know everybody seems to think that it's time we made up, but that's not going to happen. Joey: Well, since you did bring this up, why not? Dawson: What's done is done. Joey: After 10 years of friendship, what's done is done? Dawson: No, after the greatest betrayal of my life, what's done is done. Joey: Dawson, I was a part of that betrayal. Dawson: Yes, and you apologized for it. You really showed some sort of remorse for what happened. Pacey could care less. Which is fine. It's just not the kind of person I'm going to race out and be friends with again. And it's time for everyone to just accept that reality and move on with their lives, starting with you and me talking about this play without referencing him. [Thunder] Can we do that? Joey: Yeah, ok. Dawson: What? Joey: I'll be right back. [Joey goes to the bar, where Drue is still sitting. She grabs the remote and starts changing channels.] Drue: Oh, anxious much? Joey: You're supposed to be watching this. Drue: Whoops, I forgot. [Mr. Brooks comes up to them.] Mr. Brooks: Ahem. I want my check. Excuse me. Joey: Just a second. [Sighs] Mr. Brooks: I'm leaving for home this instant, and I want my check. Joey: Drue, can you get him his check? Drue: Notice my reclining state. That would imply I'm not working. Joey: Would you get him his check?! Weatherman: We have not seen a storm like this in over 30 years. We'll have another weather update at the top of the hour. [Scene: The deck of the True Love. Jen and Pacey are starting to get a little worried about the weather.] Pacey: Man, this came up out of nowhere! Jen: I thought you said the storm was heading out to sea! Pacey: Well, it did. Jen: It did, but it came back! Pacey: Well, if someone hadn't used all the batteries on the portable marine band, we could have got the storm report! Jen: Yeah, well, if somebody owned something other than Zeppelin tapes 1 through 4, we wouldn't have needed the radio. Pacey: Hold this. Let me grab the jib sheet. Jen: Got it. Pacey: Let me set the course, I'll get on the vhf, and then we'll get the weather report. Jen: You'd never be first to admit it. Pacey: What? Admit what? Jen: You'd never be first to admit it's getting scary! Pacey: This is nothing. I've seen this before. Jen: Where, in the perfect storm? Pacey: Nah. I saw something like this off of Nags Head this summer. We'll just get the weather report, find out where the worst of it is, and go around. [A wave washes over board and some water goes into the boat shorting out the radio.] Jen: Ok. Oh! Aah! Pacey: Did that happen in Nags Head? [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club office. Andie is still interviewing for the school with Mrs. Valentine.] Andie: I guess I would say that my greatest strength is my tenacity. Which is probably my greatest weakness, too. My brother jack is always telling me I don't know when to quit. Mrs. Valentine: I see. But what about your illness? Isn't that a weakness? Andie: No. Actually I consider it a strength. It taught me the importance of being able to ask for help when something's too tough to handle on your own. We seem to keep coming back to this topic, don't we? Mrs. Valentine: Is that a problem? Andie: No. Not at all. In fact, most teenagers go through similar experiences. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's just that I prefer to concentrate on the present and the future. It's just one part of my life. It does not define me as a person. Mrs. Valentine: Well, although I'm sure you consider yourself recovered, perhaps someone with your background would do better in a less competitive environment. Andie: Less competitive? Mrs. Valentine: Perhaps a state school. Andie: So, you want to disregard all of my accomplishments and achievements because I had a problem in the past? Mrs. Valentine: Andie, try and understand the position you've put me in. I've been given the task of judging your ability to handle the ardent pressures of one of the most difficult collegiate environments in the country. My name is on the line. Andie: You know what? You're right. My background does have a bearing on my ability to handle pressure. I had a problem, I recognized that, sought treatment, and recovered. And the fact that I had the courage to face my problems and get help I think only makes me better prepared to face the pressures of college than most of my peers. [Thunder] Mrs. Valentine: [clears throat] I wish you all the best. And now, if you'll excuse me. [Scene: The bar at the Capeside Yacht Club. Joey, Drue and Mr. Brooks are watching the TV.] Weatherman: Folks, this means severe beach erosion, 20 to 30-foot seas, and winds that'll certainly exceed hurricane force in certain areas. Mr. Brooks: Did he say hurricane force? Weatherman: With gusts over 100 miles per hour... Joey: He said exceed hurricane force. Mr. Brooks: Damn it! I'll never get home now. [Dawson walks up to them carrying his books.] Dawson: Joey, I'm outta here, if you actually want to work later, let me know. Joey: Dawson? They're out there. Dawson: Who's out there? Joey: Pacey and Jen are out on the boat. Dawson: All right, no wonder you've been so out of it. Why didn't you say something like an hour ago? Joey: Well, it wasn't this bad an hour ago. [Jack come into the bar from outside.] Jack: Hey, guys, have you seen Andie? I'm supposed to pick her up here. Andie: Hey, jack, I'm here. Jack: Look, I came early. It's really getting ugly out there. Andie: Not half as ugly as it got back there. [Bruce enters the bar are from outside] Bruce: Whew. Drue. Yeah? Where's your mother? Mrs. Valentine: What's the matter, Bruce? Bruce: All the boats from the club are secure at the docks except for 3, and those 3 have radioed in their position, and they'll need assistance into the harbor. Joey: Is one of those boats the True Love? Andie: The True Love is out there? Bruce: There's no slip registered under that name. Jack: Whoa, whoa, Pacey's out there? Joey: Pacey and Jen. Look, Pacey doesn't have any registration. He always just uses whatever slip is vacant. Bruce: Well, I haven't heard anything of the True Love on any of the radio bands. Joey: Look, I know that it's out there. It is definitely out there. [Window shatters] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The deck of the True Love. Pacey is looking at the pump when Jen comes inside to join him.] Pacey: crap! Well, the radios are definitely blown, but I think I got this bilge pump working. Aren't you supposed to be on watch? Jen: There's nothing to watch out there but water. Pacey: Oh, man! Jen: Damn it, Pacey! The boat's going to capsize! Pacey: She's not going to capsize, all right? Jen: Really? Then why am I flat on my ass?! Pacey: She'll come over. All right? It's what she does. There you go. Just put that on, all right? Jen: All right. Pacey: I'm gonna have to reef the main. Jen: English, please? Pacey: We're gonna have to trim up the mainsail so that we don't get knocked over again. Jen: Isn't that just gonna slow us down? Pacey: No, we're not going back into port. It's too dangerous. We might hit a dock or another boat. Jen: Wait, so, what--we're just gonna hang out here and catch some rays? Pacey: No, we'll go to this little cove I know and ride out the storm. It'll give us some protection. Jen: What cove? Pacey: I don't know the name of it, but I know where it is. [They climb out and he begins taking down the sail.] Jen: Well, how far away is it? Pacey: Not that far. We'll ride out the storm there. It's the safest thing to do. Jen: Pacey, what happens if this gets worse? Pacey: It's not gonna get any worse. Jen: Pacey! Pacey: If it gets any worse, they'll send someone for us. Jen: We have no radio, and we're heading for a cove that you don't know the name of. Who the hell is gonna find us there? Pacey: Dawson! Dawson will know. [Scene: The bar of the Capeside Yacht Club. Dawson, Joey, and Bruce are there.] Bruce: There are 3 boats at the mouth of the port trying to make their way into the harbor. Joey: But you just said yourself none of those boats are the True Love. Bruce: Yeah, well, we're escorting them in one at a time. If your friends are out there, we'll get them back safe and sound. Joey: Pacey wouldn't come into dock in this weather. There's no way he'd risk his boat. Bruce: No sensible person would stay out there in this. Dawson: There's a cove right off of Crescent Island. We waited out a storm there once when we were kids. That's where he is. Bruce: Yeah, but at this point, in this weather, Crescent Island would provide very little protection. Dawson: Well, he doesn't know that. Bruce: How could he not know? Joey: Well, obviously his radio is broken. That's why no one has heard from him. Bruce: I'm sorry, but I can't send someone miles out to sea in hurricane force winds because you've got a hunch. Andie: You have to listen to him. Bruce: All right, let's get these boats in. And if we still haven't heard from them, I'll send someone looking for your friends. Joey: Well, what if it's too late? Bruce: I'm sorry. That's the best I can offer at this point. [He leaves] Dawson: They're there, Jo. Joey: Well, what can we do about it? Dawson: Go get them. Now. Do you know if there's a boat I can borrow around here? Joey: Uh, I think Mrs. Valentine has a spare set of keys to all the boats at the club. [Drue enters carrying some keys.] Drue: Which is why it's always a good idea to be nice to Mrs. Valentine's little boy. Try slip 41, the Artful Dodger. Don't let the old geez see you. [Scene: The deck of the True Love. Jen and Pacey are trying to handle the boat through the storm.] Pacey: We rode out a storm together in this cove up here. Jen: How the hell are we gonna get through intact? Pacey: You grab the tiller. I'm gonna drop the mainsail. [Jen begins to take down the main sail.] Jen: You got it. Oh! Uh, Pacey. Here. Come on. [Scene: The docks of the Yacht Club. Dawson and Joey are walking down them towards Mr. Brook's boat.] Dawson: I'll radio in when I know something. Joey: If you think you're going without me, you're high! Dawson: Joey, you're not coming with me, and that's not negotiable! Joey: My boyfriend's out there. Whatever your reason for doing this... Dawson: ...Is my reason! Joey: Dawson, you can't solo the open seas-- not in this weather. Dawson: Joey... Joey: Look, I can't worry about the both of you! Dawson: Let's go. Untie the dock line. [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Mrs. Valentine is trying to figure out what to do, while Andie, Jack, Drue and Mr. Brooks are with her.] Mrs. Valentine: Ok, get down. Everybody just get down. Mr. Brooks: Down on a floor covered with glass? Somebody ought to clean up this mess. Mrs. Valentine: Well, where's the waitress? Drue: You didn't know? She and Dawson went after Pacey and Jen in Mr. Brooks' boat. Mr. Brooks: What, they stole my boat? Andie: No, no. I'm sure they didn't steal it. They probably just borrowed it. Mr. Brooks: Semantics. Like the difference between jail and prison. Andie: Ok, um, um, Jack. Look, I'm gonna go to the marina office and try and get in contact with them. Uh, you, uh, board up the windows. If you can't find any boards, then just shove some tables up against them, ok? Jack: Yeah, you got it. Mrs. Valentine: You can't just move the tables. Jack: Yeah, watch me. Andie: Yeah, do you have any other suggestions on how to keep the storm out? No, I didn't think so. Um, ok, why don't you write? 555-0154, 555-0130. That's Dawson Leery's parents, Jen Lindsay's grandmother. Call them. Reassure them. Can you do that? Mrs. Valentine: Yes. Yes. I can do that. Andie: Ok, um, Mr. Brooks, I need you to come with me. I'm going to need your boat's frequency if I'm going to be able to get in contact with Dawson and Joey, ok? Ok, and, uh, you. You know what? Why don't you find a broom or mop or something and sweep up the glass? Drue: You want me to sweep? What do I look like to you, huh? Andie: You know what you look like? A boy with nothing productive to do. Now find a broom. [Scene: Inside the True Love. Jen and Pacey are trying to stay calm during the storm.] Jen: Hey, Pacey, tell me something good. I really want to hear something good right now. Pacey: Well, how 'bout if you're going to have a hole in your hull, it's good to have one up that high. Is that good? Jen: All right. Unless, of course, the boat does that. Pacey: The bilge pump'll take care of that. Jen: How do you know? Pacey: Jen, I don't know. And I don't know because I'm guessing. Just like I've been guessing about everything else this afternoon. But sooner or later, I gotta be right about something. I mean that's the law of averages, right? I have to get one right. Jen: Stop making fun. It's not... Pacey: All right, but, you got any better ideas? Jen: I got one. We should be doing that, uh, that confession thing. You know, like they do in movies before the...If the plane's about to hit down or the meteor's gonna crash into North America, and all the characters confess the secrets that have been plaguing their mortal souls. Pacey: Uh--uh, yeah. Unfortunately, those characters rarely survive those confessions. Jen: All right, so we just step it back a notch. No confessions, just, um...Regrets. Pacey: Well, unfortunately, I can't help you there 'cause I don't have any regrets. It's not the way that I operate. Jen: Really? You have no regrets? There's nothing you would want to change? Nothing? Pacey: No, there's nothing I want to change because it's life's little twists and turns and bumps and bruises that make you who you are, so why regret that? Jen: All right, well, I have a regret... I regret that I've never been in love. Pacey: Well, what about Henry? Jen: Eh, that wasn't love. Couldn't have been. Yep, my big regret is that we may drown before I ever know what love is. Pacey: Jen, you're not gonna drown. Jen: I--I don't need the comfort. Just felt good to say. Pacey! Pacey: You ok? Jen: [Laughs] yeah. Pacey: We're good. We're ok. I do have one regret. Jen: What? Pacey: I regret the way that things are between me and Dawson right now. Jen: Have you ever thought about saying something? Aah! Pacey: What difference would it make to say something? It doesn't change any of our situations. Jen: Well, it might just feel good to say. [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Andie and Mr. Brooks are talking to Joey and Dawson over the Radio.] Andie: Any sight of the true love, over? Joey on radio: I can't even see in front of our boat. Over. Andie: Where are you? Over. Joey: I think we're-- we are not lost. Andie: What's your location? Over. Dawson: We're 142.49 north by 106.19 west. Mr. Brooks: That's 12 miles north of Kalispell, Montana. Andie: Repeat your coordinates. Over. Dawson: We're 10 Andie: repeat your coordinates. Dawson, Joey, are you there? Come in, Dawson, Joey. Are you still there? [Cut to Joey and Dawson on the Boat.] Joey: Andie. Andie? Are you still there? We've lost them! Dawson: That's all right. We're almost there. Joey: How can you tell? I can barely even see the tip of my nose out here. Dawson: Trust me! Joey: There they are! Dawson: Yeah, that's them! Joey: I hope they're all right. Dawson: I'll pull up alongside, and we'll lash the boats together. Joey: Careful. We're going to hit! [They end up running into the True Love trying to get next to it.] [Crashing] Jen: Jeez, I think we hit something! Pacey: Or something hit us. You all right? Jen: Yeah, I'm fine. Jen: You're right! It's a boat! Pacey: It has to be Dawson. Come on! Joey: Pacey, Jen, are you all right? Pacey: We are now. Dawson: Pacey, take the line. Pacey: Got it. You ok? Joey: Come on. Pacey: Jen, you're gonna have to jump. Joey: Watch out! Pacey: Be careful. Jen: I can make it. Pacey: Here, hold on. You ready? Jen: All right. [Just then a huge wave washes over the top of the True Love.] Both: Aah! Pacey: Now, you gotta time the jump. Ok. Get ready for the wave to break and then you jump over to Dawson. You got it? Jen: Ok. I'm ready. Joey: We're right here! Good job. Ok. Dawson: Now you! Pacey, come on, let's go! Pacey, let's go! Pacey, are you crazy? Pacey: I'm not leaving my boat! Dawson: You're not gonna make it! Pacey: I'm not leaving my boat! Dawson: I'm not leaving you! Joey: What are you doing? [Dawson jumps over to the True Love] Dawson: Aah! Jen: Aah! Dawson! [Girl screams] [coughs] Joey: Dawson! Pacey: Dawson... Get off of my boat! Dawson: I'm not letting you do this! Pacey: Dawson, go! Dawson: Pacey! Pacey: Get off my boat! Go! Dawson: People care more about you than you care about this damn boat! Joey: Pacey! [Pacey just looks at her, and then Dawson and Pacey jump over to the other boat together. Pacey just watches his boat disappear as they sail away.] [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club docks. Dawson is backing Mr. Brook's boat back into the dock, and there are people greeting people as they return to shore. Grams, Mitch and Gale are there waiting for them.] Woman: Dear. Woman: Oh, my god, thank god. Gale: Are you guys ok? Dawson: Hey. Gale: Oh, honey, oh. What you did was reckless, dangerous, and completely foolish. Mitch: And we've never been more proud of you in our entire lives. Grams: Come, come, Jennifer. Thank god. Thank god. Jen: Oh. Wrong guy, Grams. It's Dawson you should be thanking. Mr. Brooks: I know you'll forgive me for not expressing joy and relief at the sight of the gash on my boat's hull. Dawson: Uh, I'm very sorry about that, sir. Mr. Brooks: Sorry? You're sorry? Well, the gash is still there, and sorry isn't gonna fix it. What else did you have in mind besides feckless regrets? Dawson: I have some money from the summer that I was saving for college. Grams: Which is exactly what you will keep on doing. That boat is a thing. A replaceable thing. This young man risked his life to save my granddaughter, and the fact that you can't appreciate his courage explains to me why you've lived all alone all these years in that god forsaken house, and if I find out that you let him dip into his college fund, I will personally kick your shriveled old butt. [Scene: Inside the Capeside Yacht Club. Andie and Jack are getting ready to leave when Mrs. Valentine comes up to them.] Mrs. Valentine: Andie? Andie... I just wanted to tell you i was very impressed with the way you handled yourself today. Andie: Thank you. Jack: Yeah, she did more than handle herself. She handled the whole club. Mrs. Valentine: Indeed. She did a fine job. Jack: Yeah, she did your job. Andie: Ok, jack. Come on, let's go. Mrs. Valentine: The university will be very interested in hearing my impressions of you. Andie: I'm also pretty sure the university will be very interested in hearing what a bitch they have representing them. Mrs. Valentine: Yeah, I Andie: I'm terribly sorry, but please try to understand the position you've now put me in. Mrs. Valentine: You wouldn't dare. Andie: No, you know what? I wouldn't... Because at the end of the day, Mrs. Valentine, I am nothing like you. I don't derive any pleasure in wielding whatever little power i have over others. So, you know what? Just give me the recommendation that you see fit, because if anyone at that university knows you half as well as I've gotten to know you, it's not gonna count for much anyway. Come on, jack, let's go. [Scene: Outside on the docks. Pacey is just looking at the sea, and Joey comes up to join him. Joey: Pacey... Do you have any idea how pissed off I am at you right now? Pacey: No. The best memories of my life are on that sailboat. It represents everything that's good to me in this world, so... You just gotta excuse me if I'm having a bit of a hard time letting all that go right now. Joey: No, I won't excuse you. I don't think I've ever been so scared for someone in my whole life. Pacey: I'm sorry that I put you through that. Just... Joey: Can you do me a favor? You know, in the future when you're dealing with life and death matters, um... Remember that you're thinking for two. Pacey: I can do that. Joey: [Sighs] so, you knew he was gonna come for you, didn't you? Pacey: What makes you say that? Joey: 'Cause you know him just as well as he knows you. It's the nature of best friends. Pacey: Mmm, no. Ex-best friends now. Joey: You know... Whether you guys hang out or not, he's still a part of you, pace. How can you really be whole if you continue to pretend like he doesn't exist? Pacey: [Sighs] yeah. [Pacey walks her to her truck, and Camera pans to Dawson just watching them walk together, as his father comes up to join him.] Mitch: Just doesn't seem fair, does it? Dawson: [Sighs] what's that? Mitch: Well, you saved the day. You still don't get the girl. But maybe, just maybe you got something more important. Dawson: [Sighs] how do you figure that? Mitch: Well, you had this moment. No matter where your life takes you, you can look back on it and know you did a great thing. That's something that all the girls and all the thank yous in the world can't replace. Dawson: [Laughs] let's go home. [Cut to Jen and Grams walking to their car. Grams is shaking while trying to go through her purse to find her keys.] Jen: Well, way to go, grams. I always knew you had it in you, but-- really? You know what? When we get home, I have got some angry femme music that you are just gonna love. Uh... Grams? Grams: I can't seem to find my keys anywhere. I must have left them inside Jen: grams. Grams. Grams: Oh, I didn't think I was ever going to see you again. Jen: It's ok. It's ok. Grams: No. No, it's not ok. All night, most of my thoughts were about what I was going to tell your mother. Jen: Well, you handled this much better than my mother ever would have. Grams: I have never lost... Myself like this before. All my talk of faith, and when i needed it most, I had none. Jen: That's because you lent it to me. Listen, I was terrified out there tonight... But I still had hope, you know? So, I figured that I must have gotten it from somebody. Here, I got it. I got it. Grams: Ah. Does that mean I can count on you for church on Sunday? Jen: Not unless you want that place to fall down. Grams: Just thought I'd give it a try. Jen: Come here. [Scene: Inside the Capeside Yacht Club. Jen finds Gram's keys on a table and turns to see Drue.] Jen: What are you doing here? Drue: What are you doing here? Jen: I--I live here. I have--I have for the last 2 years. Drue: So, this is where the Lindleys banished their bad seed. It's good to see you, Jen. Jen: Forgive me if I don't say the same thing. Drue: Jennifer Lindley. The girl who set New York on fire. I thought moving here was gonna be the most miserable mistake of my life. Jen: I'm sorry. You live here now? Drue: You might want to sound a little more upbeat when you say that. A guy could take offense. Jen: Drue valentine in Capeside. God help us all. [Scene: Dawson's back yard. Dawson is out cleaning up the yard after the storm, as Pacey comes walking up the pier to join him.] Pacey: Dawson... Uh, look, I wanted to come by and just Dawson: Pacey, you don't owe me anything. Pacey: Please. You and I both know that what you did yesterday was Dawson: was exactly what you would have done. Pacey: Maybe, maybe not. Dawson: Trust me, you would have done exactly the same thing. Pacey: Well, I certainly hope so, but... I just wanted to come by and say thank you. Dawson: You're welcome. Pacey: No, hold on a second. That's not it. There's something else i wanted to say to you. Look, I know that things between you and I are pretty much beyond repair right now, and I wouldn't presume to be able to solve everything with a conversation because that's just not the way it works... But... I've been wanting to tell you that I'm sorry, Dawson. I'm really sorry for the way everything went down this spring, for my part in it, and for the pain that it must have caused you, and... [Sighs] I'm really sorry that I ruined our friendship because I miss it badly, and uh, however far off it may be, I do look forward to the day when you and I might be friends again. So, until then, I... Dawson: Until then.
doc_233	Scott: Damn it. Scott: Oh, crap. Scott: No. No, stop. Derek: You're dead. Scott: What - what the hell was that? Derek: Said I was gonna teach you. I didn't say when. Scott: You scared the crap out of me. Derek: Not yet. Scott: Okay, but I was fast, right? Derek: Not fast enough. Scott: But - but the car alarm thing, that was smart, right? Derek: Till your phone rang. Scott: Yeah, but that was - I mean - Would you just stop? Please? What happened the other night, Stiles' dad getting hurt, that was my fault. I should have been there to do something. I need you to teach me how to control this. Derek: Look, I am what I am because of birth. You were bitten. Teaching someone who was bitten takes time. I don't even know if I can teach you. Scott: What do I have to do? Derek: You have to get rid of distractions. You see this? This is why I caught you. You want me to teach you? Get rid of her. Scott: What, just because of her family? Wait - wait - whoa - whoa! Derek: You getting angry? That's your first lesson. You want to learn how to control this, how to shift, you do it through anger, by tapping into a primal animal rage, and you can't do that with her around. Scott: I can get angry. Derek: Not angry enough. This is the only way that I can teach you. Now, can you stay away from her? At least until after the full moon? Scott: If that's what it takes. Derek: Do you want to live? Do you want to protect your friends? Yes or no? Scott: Yes. If you can teach me, I can stay away from her. Allison: Take it off. Scott: You're okay with that? Allison: Are you okay with it? Scott: You're asking me if I'm okay with taking off your clothes? Allison: Stupid question. Scott: Like, world record stupid. Allison: You first. Allison: Just a second. Kate: Allison. Allison: Uh, coming. Coming. Okay, uh. Kate: Hey. Allison: Hey. Kate: What's up? Allison: Uh, nothing. Just doing homework, sending some emails. Kate: Emailing the boyfriend? Allison: No. I'm emailing peta about how my wing nut father gunned down an innocent mountain lion in the school parking lot. Kate: And that wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you're grounded and you can't see Scott? Allison: I'm not gonna be one of those whining teenagers who looks at her father and says, "I hate you. I wish you were dead." Kate: But - Allison: But - I hate him and I wish he was dead. Kate: See, now you're starting to sound like a normal, angry teenager. What are you working on? Can I help? Allison: Uh, a history project, and I just want to be left alone, actually. Kate: Come on. What kind of history project? Allison: I have to come up with a report that has some relevance to my own family history. Kate: Specific to your family? Allison: Why? Do you have any ideas? Kate: Type this in: "La Bete du Gevaudan." Allison: The beast of Gevaudan. What is this? Kate: It's an old French legend that, believe it or not, has something to do with your family. Allison: "In 1766 in a province of Lozere, la Bete killed over a hundred people." Kate: Mysterious animal attacks, just like a certain town called beacon hills. Allison: So what was it? The animal? Kate: Nobody knows for sure, but I can tell you one thing. It definitely wasn't a mountain lion. What's it look like to you? Allison: It looks like - A wolf. Scott: Derek? I - I know I said I would stay away, but you broke my phone. I had to at least tell her why I wasn't answering. Derek? Scott: You seriously need to stop doing that. Derek: So what happened? Did he talk to you? Scott: Yeah. We had a nice conversation about the weather. No, he didn't talk. Derek: Well, did you get anything off of him? An impression. Scott: What do you mean? Derek: Remember your other senses are heightened. Communication doesn't have to be spoken. What kind of feeling did you get from him? Scott: Anger. Derek: Focused on you? Scott: No, not - not me. But it was definitely anger. I could feel it. Especially when he drew the spiral. Derek: Wait, the what? What'd you just say? Scott: He drew this spiral on the window of my car, in the condensation, you know? What? You have this look like you know what it means. Derek: No, it's - it's nothing. Scott: Wait - wait - wait - wait a second. You can't do that. You can't ask me to trust you and then just keep things to yourself. Derek: Doesn't mean anything. Scott: You buried your sister under a spiral. What does it mean? Derek: You don't wanna know. Scott: Stay away from Allison. Stay away from Allison. Stay away from Allison. Stay away from Allison. Must stay away from Allison. Just stay away from Allison. Stay away from Jackson. Just stay away from Jackson. Lydia: Hey, Scott. Scott: Oh, come on! Scott: Still not talking to me? Okay, can you at least tell me if your dad's okay? It's just a bruise, right? Some soft tissue damage? Nothin' that big - You know I feel really bad about it, right? Okay. What if I told you that I'm trying to figure this whole thing out, and - That I went to Derek for help? Stiles: If I was talking to you, I'd say that you're an idiot for trusting him. But obviously I'm not talking to you. Stiles: What did he say? Stiles: Wh - he wants you to tap into your animal side and get angry? Scott: Yeah. Stiles: All right, well, correct me if I'm wrong, but every time you do that, you try to kill someone, and that someone's usually me. Scott: I know. That's what he means when he says he doesn't know if he can teach me. I have to be able to control it. Stiles: Well, how's he gonna teach you to do that? Scott: I don't know. I don't think he does either. Stiles: Okay. When are you seeing him again? Scott: He told me not to talk about it. Just act normal and get through the day. Stiles: When? Scott: He's picking me up at the animal clinic after work. Stiles: After work. All right, well, that gives me to the end of the school day then. Scott: To do what? Stiles: To teach you myself. Lydia: The what of who? Allison: The beast of Gevaudan. Listen. "A quadruped wolf - like monster, prowling the Auvergne and south Dordogne areas of France during the year 1764 to 1767. La Bete killed over a hundred people, becoming so infamous that the King Louie the 15th sent one of his best hunters to try and kill it." Lydia: Boring. Allison: "Even the church eventually declared the monster a messenger of Satan." Lydia: Still boring. Allison: "Cryptozoologists believe it may have been a subspecies of hoofed predator, possibly a mesonychid." Lydia: "Slipping into a coma" bored. Allison: "While others believe it was a powerful sorcerer who could shape - shift into a man - eating monster." Lydia: Any of this have anything to do with your family? Allison: This. "It is believed that la Bete was finally trapped and killed by a renown hunter who claimed his wife and four children were the first to fall prey to the creature." His name was Argent. Lydia: Your ancestors killed a big wolf. So what? Allison: Not just a big wolf. Take a look at this picture. What does it look like to you? Lydia? Lydia. Lydia: It looks - like a big - wolf. See you in History. Stiles: I think the book's making it more obvious. Besides, she's reading, anyway. Scott: So did you come up with a plan yet? Stiles: I think so. Scott: Does that mean you don't hate me now? Stiles: No. But your crap has infiltrated my life, so now I have to do something about it. Plus I'm definitely a better Yoda than Derek. Scott: Okay, yeah, you teach me. Stiles: Yeah, I'll be your Yoda. Scott: Yeah, you be my Yoda. Stiles: Your Yoda I will be. I said it backwards. Scott: Yeah, I - I know. Stiles: All right, you know what? I definitely still hate you. Uh - huh. Oh, yeah. Allison: Scott. Scott, wait. Hey, Scott. Sc - Scott: This is not gonna be easy. Stiles: Okay. Now - put this on. Scott: Isn't this one of the heart rate monitors for the track team? Stiles: Yeah, I borrowed it. Scott: Stole it. Stiles: Temporarily misappropriated. Coach uses it to monitor his heart rate with his phone while he jogs, and you're gonna wear it for the rest of the day. Scott: Isn't that coach's phone? Stiles: That, I stole. Scott: Why? Stiles: All right, well, your heart rate goes up when you go wolf, right? When you're playing lacrosse, when you're with Allison, whenever you get angry. Maybe learning to control it is tied to learning to control your heart rate. Scott: Like the Incredible Hulk. Stiles: Kind of like the Incredible Hulk, yeah. Scott: No, I'm like the Incredible Hulk. Stiles: Would you shut up and put the strap on? Scott: This isn't exactly how I wanted to spend my free period. Stiles: All right. You ready? Scott: No. Stiles: Remember, don't get angry. Scott: I'm starting to think this was a really bad idea. Oh, man. Okay, that one - kind of hurt. Stiles: Quiet. Remember, you're supposed to be thinking about your heart rate, all right? About staying calm. Scott: Stay calm. Staying calm. Staying totally calm. There's no balls flying at my face - Scott: Aah! Son of a bitch! Stiles: You know what? I think my aim is actually improving. Scott: Wonder why. Stiles: Don't get angry. Scott: I'm not getting angry. Scott: Stop. Just - can we just hold - Stiles: Scott? Scott, you started to change. Scott: From anger. But it was more than that. Was like, the angrier I got, the stronger I felt. Stiles: So it is anger, then. Derek's right. Scott: I can't be around Allison. Stiles: Just because she makes you happy? Scott: No, because she makes me weak. Stiles: Alright, you stay away from her for a few days, you can do that. Scott: But is it a few days, or is it forever? Stiles: You know, this whole "women make you weak" thing is a little too spartan warrior for me. It's probably just part of the learning process. Scott: Yeah, but you've seen Derek. I mean, the guy's totally alone. What if I can, like, never be around her again? Stiles: Well, if you're not dead, that could be a good thing. Scott: Rather be dead. Stiles: All right, you're not gonna end up like Derek, all right? We'll figure it out. Scott: 'Kay. Stiles: Come on. Let's get out of here. Scott: Something smells terrible in here, anyway. Stiles: Really? In a boys' locker room? That doesn't make any sense at all. Scott: No, it's like something's rotting or dying. [SCENE_BREAK] Jackson: What are you reading? Allison: Oh, hey. Just stuff for a history project. You have a free period, or - Jackson: No, I - I just don't like sitting through Chem. Allison: Understandable. Did - did you want something? Jackson: Actually, um, yeah. I wanted to talk. I realize that I've been a jerk to you. And especially to Scott. And I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm serious. Allison: Okay. I - I believe you're being serious, but I'm not so sure I believe you're being sincere. Jackson: Do you know what it's like to be the best player on the team? To be the star? To have every single person at the game chanting your name? And then - some kid - Some kid just comes along, and then everyone starts looking at him instead of you. Do you know what that feels like? Allison: No, I don't. Jackson: Well, it feels like something's been - It feels like something's been stolen from you. And then you start to feel like you'd do - anything. Anything in the world to get it back. Allison: Haven't you ever learned there's no "I" in "team"? Jackson: Yeah, but there is a "me." Ha. That was a joke. Gosh. You must really, really hate me. Allison: Not at all. Jackson: You sure? Because - I'm not a bad guy. I mean, yeah, I make stupid mistakes. A lot, but - I'm not bad. I really like you. And - and Scott. I really - I really like you both, and I want you guys to like me. I want to get to know you guys better. So - what are you reading? Coach: Let's go. Sit, sit, sit, sit. We got a lot to cover today. Let's go. Quicker. Scott: Hey, Stiles, sit behind me, dude. Allison: I haven't seen you all day. Scott: Uh, yeah. I've been, uh, super busy. Allison: When are you gonna get your phone fixed? I feel like I'm totally disconnected from you. Scott: Uh, soon. Real soon. Allison: I changed lab partners, by the way. Scott: Oh. To who? Allison: To you, dummy. Scott: Me? I mean, are you sure? Allison: Yeah. This way I have an excuse to bring you home and study. You don't mind, do you? Scott: I just - I don't want to bring your grade down. Allison: Well, I mean, maybe I can bring your grade up. Come to my place tonight. 8:30? Scott: Tonight? Allison: 8:30. Coach: Let's settle down. Let's start with a quick summary of last night's reading. Greenberg, put your hand down. Everybody knows you did the reading. How about, uh - McCall. Scott: What? Coach: The reading. Scott: Last night's reading? Coach: How about, uh, the reading of the Gettysburg Address? Scott: What? Coach: That's sarcasm. You familiar with the term "sarcasm," McCall? Scott: Very. Coach: Did you do the reading or not? Scott: Uh - I think I forgot. Coach: Nice work, McCall. It's not like you're not averaging a "D" in this class. Come on, buddy. You know I can't keep you on the team if you have a "D." How about you summarize, uh, the previous night's reading? No? How about the, uh, the night before that? How about you summarize anything you've ever read - In your entire life? Scott: I - I, uh - Coach: No? A blog? How about, uh, how about, uh, the back of a cereal box? No? How about the adults only warning from your favorite website you visit every night? Anything? Thank you, McCall, thank you. Thank you, McCall! Thank you for extinguishing any last flicker of hope I have for your generation. You just blew it for everybody. Thanks. Next practice you can start with suicide runs. Unless that's too much reading. All right. Everybody else, settle down. Stiles: It's her. Scott: What do you mean? Stiles: It's Allison. Remember what you told me about the night of the full moon? You were thinking about her, right? About protecting her. Scott: Okay. Stiles: Remember the night of the first lacrosse game? You said you could hear her voice out on the field. Scott: Yeah, I did. Stiles: Well, so that's what brought you back so you could score. And then after the game in the locker room, you didn't kill her. At least not like how you were trying to kill me. She brings you back, is what I'm saying. Scott: No, no, no, but it's not always true, because literally every time I'm kissing her or - or touching her - Stiles: No, that's not the same. When you're doing that, you're just another hormonal teenager thinking about sx, you know? You're thinking about sx right now, aren't you? Scott: Yeah. Sorry. Stiles: That's fine. Look, back in the classroom when she was holding your hand, that was different, okay? I don't think she makes you weak. I - I think she actually gives you control. She's kind of like an anchor. Scott: You mean because I love her. Stiles: Exactly. Scott: Did I just say that? Stiles: Yes, you just said that. Scott: I love her. Stiles: That's great. Now, moving on - Scott: No, no, no, really. I think I'm totally in love with her. Stiles: And that's beautiful. Now, before you go off and write a sonnet, can we figure this out, please? Because you obviously can't be around her all the time. Scott: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. So what do I do? Stiles: I don't know. Yet. Scott: Oh, no. You're getting an idea, aren't you? Stiles: Yeah. Scott: Is this idea gonna get me in trouble? Stiles: Maybe. Scott: Is this idea gonna cause me physical pain? Stiles: Yeah, definitely. Come on. Scott: What are we doing? Stiles: You'll see. Hold on. Okay. Stand right there. Do you have your keys? Perfect. Hold 'em up like so. Now, whatever happens, just think about Allison. Try to find her voice like you did at the game. Got it? Scott: Okay. Stiles: Just - keep holding it right there. Hey, hey, hey, dude! What do you think you're doing to that truck, bro? Guy: What the hell? Stiles: Ow! My God. Wow. Stiles: Ah, come on, stay calm. Stay calm. Oh, that's not okay. Scott. Come on, buddy. Allison: Studying with a friend. Yes, that friend. We're lab partners. Harris: Stop! Hey, stop it right now. What do you idiots think you're doing? Derek: I need your help. If you can hear me, I need you to give me a sign. Blink. Raise a finger. Anything. Just - Just something to point me in the right direction, okay? Someone killed Laura. Your niece. Laura? Whoever he is, he's an Alpha now. But he's one without a pack. Which means he's not as strong. I can take him. But I have to find him first. Look, if you know something, just give me a sign. Is it one of us? Someone else make it out of the fire? Just give me anything. Blink. Raise a finger. Anything. Say something! Nurse: Let him go. You think after six years of this, yelling at him is going to get a response? Derek: Got a better method? Nurse: Patience. He'll respond if you give him the time. Derek: I don't have any more time. Scott: Excuse me, sir? Uh, I know it's detention and all, but, uh, I'm supposed to be at work, and I don't want to get fired. Scott: You knew I would heal. Stiles: Yep. Scott: So you did that to help me learn? Stiles: Yep. Scott: But partially to punish me. Stiles: Yeah. Well, that one's obvious. Scott: Dude, you're my best friend, and I can't have you being angry with me. Stiles: I'm not angry anymore. Look, you have something, Scott. Okay? Whether you want it or not, you can do things that nobody else can do. So that means you don't have a choice anymore. It means you have to do something. Scott: I know. And I will. Harris: All right, both of you, out of here. Scott: Thank you. Deaton: Scott, you're late again. I hope this isn't getting to be a habit. Can I help you? Derek: Hope so. Want to know about the animal you found with the spiral on its side? Deaton: Excuse me? What animal? Derek: Three months ago. The deer. You remember this? Deaton: Oh, yes. It's just a deer. And I didn't find it. They called me because they wanted to know if I'd ever seen anything like it. Derek: What'd you tell 'em? Deaton: I told them no. Derek: Did you hear that? Deaton: Hear what? Derek: The sound of your heartbeat rising. Deaton: Excuse me? Derek: It's the sound of you lying. Deaton: Oh, God. Derek: Are you protecting someone? Deaton: All right. The key to the drug locker is in my pocket. Derek: I don't want drugs. I want to know why you're lying. Deaton: I don't know what you're talking about. What are you doing to me? What do you want? Derek: I want to know who you are or who you're protecting. Scott: What are you doing? Deaton: Scott, get out of here! Scott: Stop! Stop! Derek: Look, when he's conscious, he can keep himself from healing, but unconscious, he can't. Scott: Are you out of your mind? What are you talking about? Derek: You want to know what the spiral means, Scott? It's our sign for a vendetta, for revenge. It means he won't stop killing until he's satisfied. Scott: You think he's the Alpha? Derek: We're about to find out. Scott: Hit him again, and then you'll see me get angry. Derek: Do you have a plan? Scott: Just give me an hour. Derek: Then what? Scott: Meet me at the school. In the parking lot. Stiles: This is a terrible idea. Scott: Yeah, I know. Stiles: But we're still gonna do it? Scott: Can you think of something better? Stiles: Well, personally I'm a fan of ignoring a problem until eventually it just goes away. Scott: Just make sure we can get inside. He's here. Where's my boss? Derek: He's in the back. Stiles: Oh, well, he looks comfortable. Derek: Wait. Hey. What are you doing? Scott: You said I was linked with the Alpha. I'm gonna see if you're right. Stiles: Okay, one question. What are you gonna do if the Alpha doesn't show up? Scott: I don't know. Stiles: And what are you gonna do if he does show up? Scott: I don't know. Stiles: Good plan. Scott: All right. You said that a wolf howls to signal his position to the rest of the pack, right? Stiles: Right, but if you bring him here, does that make you part of his pack? Scott: I hope not. Stiles: Yeah, me too. All right. All you. Derek: You've got to be kidding me. Scott: Was that okay? I mean, that was a howl, right? Stiles: I - yeah, technically. Scott: Well, what did it sound like to you? Stiles: Like a cat being choked to death, Scott. Scott: What do I do? How am I supposed to do this? Stiles: Hey, hey. Listen to me. You're calling the Alpha. All right? Be a man. Be a werewolf, not a teen wolf. Be a werewolf. Do it. Derek: I'm gonna kill both of you. What the hell was that? What are you trying to do, attract the entire state to the school? Scott: Sorry. I didn't know it would be that loud. Stiles: Yeah, it was loud. And it was AWESOME. Derek: Shut up. Stiles: Don't be such a sour wolf. Scott: What'd you do with him? Derek: What? I didn't do anything.
doc_234	Isaac: Um - so far it's an "A" in French and a "B" minus in Econ. Mr. Lahey: Oh. What about chemistry? Isaac: I'm not sure. Uh, midterms are in a few days so it could go up. Mr. Lahey: Well, what's it at now? Isaac: The grade? Mr. Lahey: Uh, yeah. Isaac: Uh, I'm not sure. Mr. Lahey: But you just said it could go up. Isaac: I just - uh, I meant generally. Mr. Lahey: You wouldn't be lying to me, would you, Isaac? Isaac: No. Mr. Lahey: Then tell me your grade. Isaac: I just told you, I don't know. Mr. Lahey: You wanna take this little conversation downstairs? No? Then tell me the grade, son. Isaac: Dad, this semester's only half over. Mr. Lahey: Isaac? Isaac: There's plenty of time - Mr. Lahey: Isaac. Isaac: It's - it's a "D". Mr. Lahey: All right. It's a "D". I'm not angry. You know I'm gonna have to find a way to punish you though. You know, I have my responsibility as a parent. So we'll start with something simple, like, uh - Tell you what, you do the dishes and you clean up the kitchen, okay? Isaac: Yeah. Mr. Lahey: Good. Because I - I'd really like to see this place spotless. Know what I'm saying? You know? I mean this entire kitchen. Yeah! Yeah, absolutely - Spotless. Well, that was your fault. Isaac: You could have blinded me. Mr. Lahey: Shut up! It's a scratch! It's hardly even - Isaac. Isaac! Jackson: Freaks. Mr. Lahey: Isaac! Isaac! Isaac. Isaac? Isaac? Okay, that's enough. Let's go! That's it, grab your bike and let's go! Isaac? Holy - ! Aah! No! No! No! Aah! No! Aah! No! No! No! No! Allison: Hey. Scott: What are you doing? Allison: Just trying to find you. Scott: Did anyone see you leave? Allison: No. No one, I was careful. What's wrong? Is it the full moon tomorrow night? Scott: No. No, it's not that. Um, I just wanted to ask you some things. About your - um, your family. Actually, your grandfather. Allison: Okay, but I don't really know him. I mean, he's kind of just a guy who sends a check in the mail every year for my birthday. Scott: Does he know about me? About us? Allison: No, my dad hasn't said a thing. What is it? Did something else happen? Scott: We just need to be a lot more careful now. Allison: They're not gonna split us apart. Scott: Not us. Sure no one followed you? Allison: Totally, absolutely, 100 million percent sure. My parents are out, anyways. Scott: Out? Allison: Yeah, it's date night. Principal: Can I help you? Chris: Well, I hope so, Principal Thomas. As a concerned parent, uh, I was wondering - how long has it been since your last performance review? Principal: What? Chris: We were wondering. Victoria: Are you aware there's been an alarming drop in academic achievement and test scores over the past few semesters? Principal: Excuse me? Victoria: It's led the parents of Beacon Hills to the unfortunate conclusion that you may no longer be suited to the position of school principal. Principal: You can't fire me. Victoria: True. But we can torture you. Isaac: Derek? Derek! Derek: What's wrong? Isaac: My dad. I think he's dead. Derek: What did you do? Isaac: That's the thing. It wasn't me. Scott: I'm serious. It's not like the last full moon. I don't feel the same. Stiles: Oh, does that include the urge to maim and kill people like me? Scott: I swear I don't have the urge to maim and kill you. Stiles: You know, you say that now but then the full moon goes up and out come the fangs and the claws and there's a lot of howling and screaming and running everywhere, okay? And it's very stressful on me and so yes, I'm still locking you up. Scott: Okay, fine. But I do think I'm in more control now. Especially since things are good with Allison. Stiles: Okay, I'm aware of how good things are with Allison. Scott: They're really good. Stiles: I - thank you, I know. Scott: I mean, like, really good. Stiles: All right, I get it! Just please shut the hell up before I have the urge to maim and kill myself. Scott: All right, did you get something better than handcuffs this time? Stiles: Yeah, much better. Coach: Part of me wants to ask. The other part says knowing will be more disturbing than anything I could ever imagine. So - I'm gonna walk away. Stiles: That's good. That's a wise choice, coach. Stiles: You okay? Scott. Scott: There's another. In here, right now. Stiles: Another what? Scott: Another werewolf. Allison: You really don't remember anything? Lydia: They called it a fugue state, which is basically a way of saying "We have no idea why you can't remember running through the woods naked for two days." But personally, I don't care. I lost nine pounds. Allison: Are you ready for this? Lydia: Please. It's not like my aunt's a serial killer. Allison: Maybe it's the nine pounds. Scott: It was kind of like a scent, but I couldn't tell who it was. Stiles: What if you can get him one - on - one? Would that help? Scott: Yeah. Stiles: Okay. I think I got an idea. Matt: You need a digital camera? Jackson: Yeah. And something that can record in low light. All night long. Matt: What are you recording? Jackson: Something in low light. All night long. Do you have the camera or not? Matt: You have a hundred bucks? Jackson: I drive a Porsche. What do you think? Matt: I think your parents have a hundred bucks. Jackson: Just get me the camera. Stiles: I told coach you're switching with Danny for the day. Scott: But I hate playing goal. Stiles: Remember when I said I had an idea? This is the idea. Scott: Oh. Stiles: There we go. Scott: What's the idea? Stiles: I seriously don't understand how you survive without me sometimes. Coach: Let's go! Line it up! Faster! Make daddy proud. Scott: Here we go. Scott: Let me help you up. Coach: McCall! Scott: Yeah. Coach: Usually the goalie stays somewhere within the vicinity of the actual goal. Scott: Yes, coach. Coach: Let's try it again. Matt: What the hell, man? Scott: My bad, dude. Coach: McCall! The position's goal keeper. Not goal abandoner. Scott: Sorry, coach. Coach: Let's go! Coach: Stilinski, what the hell is wrong with your friend? Stiles: Uh, he's failing two classes. He's a little socially awkward and if you look close enough, his jaw line's kind of uneven. Coach: That's interesting. Let's fire it up. Danny: It's Armani. Scott: Huh? Danny: My aftershave. Armani. Scott: Oh. It's nice. Coach: McCall! You come out of that goal one more time and you'll be doing suicide runs till you die. It'll be the first ever suicide run that actually ends in a suicide. Got it? Scott: Yes, coach. Coach: Yeah. Jackson: Uh, coach, my shoulder's hurting. I'm gonna - I'm gonna sit this one out. Isaac: Don't tell them. Please don't tell them. Scott: His father's dead. They think he was murdered. Sheriff: Come on. Stiles: Are they saying he's a suspect? Scott: I'm not sure, why? Stiles: Because they can lock him in a holding cell for 24 hours. Scott: Like, overnight? Stiles: During the full moon. Scott: How good are these holding cells at holding people? Stiles: People, good. Werewolves, probably not that good. Scott: Stiles, remember when I said I don't have the urge to maim and kill? Stiles: Yeah. Scott: He does. Scott: Why would Derek choose Isaac? Stiles: Peter told me that if the bite doesn't turn you it could kill you. And maybe teenagers have a better chance of surviving. Scott: Doesn't being a teenager mean your dad can't hold him? Stiles: Well, not unless they have solid evidence. Or a witness. Wait. Danny. Where's Jackson? Danny: In the principal's office talking to your dad. Stiles: What? Why? Danny: Maybe because he lives across the street from Isaac. Scott: Witness. Stiles: We gotta get to the principal's office. Scott: How? Harris: Everyone please turn to page 73. Who in the hell did that? Sheriff: Listen to me, you're telling me that you knew Isaac's father was hitting him? Jackson: Hitting him? He was kicking the crap out of him. Sheriff: Did you ever say anything to anyone? A teacher, parents, anyone? Jackson: Nope. It's not my problem. Sheriff: No, no, of course not. You know, it's funny that the kids getting beaten up are always the ones who least deserve it. Jackson: Yeah. Wait, what? Sheriff: I think we're done here. Hi, Scott. Scott: H - yeah. Gerard: Boys. Come on in. [SCENE_BREAK] Gerard: Scott McCall. Academically not the most accomplished, but I see you have become quite the star athlete. Mr. Stilinski. Oh, perfect grades but little to no extracurriculars. Maybe you should try lacrosse. Stiles: Oh, actually I'm already - Gerard: Hold on. McCall. You're the Scott that was dating my granddaughter. Scott: We were dating but not anymore. Not dating, not seeing any of each other or doing anything with each other - At all. Gerard: Relax, Scott, you look like you're about to crack a cyanide pill with your teeth. Scott: Just a hard breakup. Gerard: Oh, that's too bad. You seem like a pretty nice kid to me. Now listen, guys. Yes, I am the principal, but I really don't want you to think of me as the enemy. Stiles: Heh, is that so? Gerard: However, this being my first day, I do need to support my teachers. So unfortunately someone is going to have to take the fall and stay behind for detention. Lydia: It's just - we haven't really talked since that night and well - Jackson, can you, like, look at me for half la second? They said if you hadn't found me and carried me back, I could have died. So I just - I wanted to say thank you. Jackson: Lydia, we're not getting back together. Lydia: What? Jackson: And just because I kept you from bleeding out on a field once, don't expect me to come running every time you start screaming. Lydia: I never said - Jackson: I'm not responsible for you. Okay? But I will give you one piece of advice. If I were you, I'd stay home tonight. Lydia: What does that mean? What's tonight? Jackson: It's a full moon. Derek: Get in. Scott: Are you serious? You did that. That's your fault. Derek: I know that. Now get in the car and help me. Scott: No, I've got a better idea. I'm gonna call a lawyer. Because a lawyer might actually have a chance at getting him out before the moon goes up. Derek: Not when they do a real search of the house. Scott: What do you mean? Derek: Whatever Jackson said to the cops, what's in the house is worse. A lot worse. Gerard: I'm not interested in whether they locked up a 16 - year - old kid. I'm interested in what's going to happen to that 16 - year - old when the moon hits its peak tonight. Do we have proof? Chris: Is the next step killing him? Gerard: The next step is eliminating the threat. Do we have proof? Chris: I haven't been in history class for a while, but I'm pretty sure straight - up genocide hasn't worked out too often. Gerard: Do we have proof or not? Chris: Not irrefutable. But not insignificant. The driver's side door of Lahey's car was pried off. Gerard: Pried off? Chris: Ripped off. Matt: I'm starting to feel a little weird about this. Jackson: No, no, no, no. What you're feeling is a hundred dollars richer. Give me the camera and go buy yourself another fancy lens or light meter or whatever gives your photography geeks a hard - on. Matt: This doesn't have anything to do with Allison, does it? I saw you two at the dance the other night and I kind of figured that you two were, you know, together. Jackson: Aw, you have a little thing for Allison, Matt? A little - a little crush? Matt: No. Jackson: You think I'm gonna waste my time by doing something as unbelievably ordinary as making a s*x tape? Matt: Then what are you doing? Jackson: Documenting history. My history. And I want to be able to see it happening. All of it. You'll get it back tomorrow. Scott: If Isaac didn't kill his father, who did? Derek: I don't know yet. Scott: Then how do you know he's telling the truth? Derek: Because I trust my senses. And it's a combination of them. Not just your sense of smell. Scott: You saw the lacrosse thing today. Derek: Yeah. Scott: Did it look that bad? Derek: Yeah. Allison: Sorry. Chris: Allison? Gerard: Come in. We'd like to talk to you. Allison: I'm supposed to study with Lydia, I really don't have time to chat. Chris: Actually, that's who we want to talk to you about, sweetheart. Derek: You wanna learn? Let's start now. Scott: What's down there? Derek: Motive. Scott: And what am I looking for? Derek: Follow your senses. Scott: What happened down here? Derek: The kind of thing that leaves an impression. Open it. Stiles: Hey, sorry, Harris literally just let me out of detention. Literally. And he had my phone the whole frickin' time. Allison: Well, we need to do something right now. They were asking me all these questions about Lydia and how she was bitten by Peter, and then they sent this guy out. Stiles: Wait, what guy? Allison: He was dressed as a Sheriff's deputy. Stiles: They're sending him to the station for Isaac. Allison: He was also carrying this box with something on it, like, um, like a carving or something. Stiles: What was it? Allison: Hold on, hold on. It's in one of these books. I'm taking a picture. Did you get it? Stiles: Yeah, wolfsbane. Allison: What does that mean? Stiles: It means they're gonna kill him. Scott: This is why he said yes to you. Derek: Everyone wants power. Scott: If we help you, then you have to stop. You can't just go around turning people into werewolves. Derek: I can if they're willing. Scott: Did you tell Isaac about the Argents? About being hunted? Derek: Yes, and he still asked. Scott: Then he's an idiot. Derek: And you're the idiot dating Argent's daughter. Yeah. I know your little secret. And if I know, how long do you think it's gonna take for them to find out? You saw what happens to an omega. With me, you learn how to use all of your senses. With me, you learn control. Even on a full moon. Scott: If I'm with you, I lose her. Derek: You're gonna lose her anyway. You know that. Scott: Wait. I'm not part of your pack. But I want him out. He's my responsibility too. Derek: Why? Because he's one of us? Scott: Because he's innocent. Stiles: Hey, did you slow him down? Allison: You could say that. Stiles: All right, well, uh, I'm headed to the station right now. Allison: Where's Scott? Stiles: Isaac's. Allison: Does he have a plan? Stiles: Yeah, but not a very good one. And unfortunately we don't really have time to come up with anything better. Allison: Scott? Are you sure we have to do this? Scott: Yes. Allison: Where? Scott: Please. I don't want to hurt you. Stiles: Okay, now the keys to every cell are in a password protected lockbox in my father's office. The problem is getting past the front desk. Derek: I'll distract her. Stiles: Whoa, whoa, whoa - you? You're not going in there. I'm taking my hand off. Derek: I was exonerated. Stiles: You're still a person of interest. Derek: An innocent person. Stiles: An - you? Yeah, right! Okay, fine. What's your plan? Derek: To distract her. Stiles: Uh - huh. How? By punching her in the face? Unh. Derek: Heh, by talking to her. Stiles: Okay, all right. Give me a sample. What are you gonna open with? Dead silence. That should work beautifully. Any other ideas? Derek: I'm thinking about punching you in the face. Deputy: Good evening, how can I help - you? Derek: Hi. Deputy: Hi. Derek: Um, I had a question. Um, sorry I'm a little - a little thrown. I wasn't really expecting someone - Deputy: Like me? Derek: Oh, I was gonna say "so incredibly beautiful" but, yeah, I guess that'd be the same thing. Allison: It's done. It's locked. Scott: Go. Allison: Scott, I can't - Scott: Just go! Stiles: Oh, no. Stiles: Oh. Uh, just looking, um - Oh, sh - Scott: Allison. Allison! Allison! Stiles: How did you do that? Derek: I'm the Alpha. Allison: Come on. Come on! Allison: What the hell was that? Scott: I don't know. Stiles: Uh, he did it. Mrs. Whittemore: Jackson, what is it? What happened? Jackson: Nothing happened. Nothing at all.
doc_235	[ Enchanted Forest - Past Year ] [SCENE_BREAK] (A carriage, escorted by knight, crosses a forest. It is stopped by Hook.) Knight: Whoa! And just who might you be? Hook: I'm the man who's going to relieve you of that chest full of gold you are transporting. Knight: You and what army? Hook: Well, I'm glad you asked. (Lights are lit.) Hook: Your choice. Save your lives or the gold. Knight: Retreat! (The knight leaves.) Hook: Smee?! Those arrows took a lot longer to light than discussed. Smee: It wasn't easy lighting all of them by ourselves, captain. Maybe if we had an actual army... Hook: And share in the spoils? I think not. Smee: I got to say, it's good to be at your side again, sir, and... Not as a rat. Hook: Well... that's a lovely side effect of the curse breaking for you, I'd imagine. Smee: I did like the mobility, but being a human is good, too. Hook: What did I tell you, mates? You don't need a ship to be a pirate. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the tavern.) Hook: One more, one more! (Oh!) Hook: To the most clever, dastardly band of pirates to ever set sa... Stride on the open roads! Smee: To captain Hook! Everybody: Hey! Smee: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! The boys and I chipped in... Hook: Mm-hmm. Smee: And got you something. Hook: Oh. Mr. Smee. How did you know? Smee: Enjoy. To captain Hook! Everybody: To Hook! Smee: Come on. One more. (Outside the tavern. Hook gives the prostitute some money.) The prostitute: I don't... Understand. Your men took care of me. Hook: And tomorrow, you shall tell them that you had a grand time. Good night. (Hook is walking in the street and he is hit by Ariel.) Hook: Aah. Ariel: Move, and I'll slit your throat. Hook: Not a good plan for you. I'm guessing you don't know who I am. Ariel: I know exactly who you are, Captain Hook. Hook: Well, then, I'm at a disadvantage. Ariel: My name's Ariel. And you're gonna pay for what you've done. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Charming Family's loft.) David: I've seen enemy battle plans that were easier to decode than this. Emma: Let me see. All right, it says "take screws 'E' with washers 'D' "through bar 'C' using wrench 'F, '" which is... Not provided. Mary Margaret: Why don't you just call Marco? He's really good at this sort of thing. Emma & David: No! David: No. We're fine. Mary Margaret: Should we even be doing this? Ever since the showdown between Regina and the Wicked Witch, we haven't seen Zelena or Gold at all. Shouldn't we be focusing on her next move? Emma: We are. We just can't stop living. David: And this crib is a statement. We're not gonna lose another baby. (Regina comes in.) Regina: And, thanks to me, you won't. I'm finished. David: So? Did it work? Were you able to put up a new protection spell? Regina: One that can't be undone by blood magic, which means Zelena won't be able to put her hands on that baby. Mary Margaret: Any idea why she would want to? Regina: The number of spells involving baby parts would surprise you. That greenie is clearly one twisted witch. But as long as we're in here, we're safe. Emma: That's useless. I think we need to stop playing defence and start taking the fight to her. Regina: Did you not see how I barely outwitted her yesterday? She has magic... Powerful magic. Emma: I have magic, too. You've seen me use it. I just can't always control it. But if we teamed up, if you... Taught me... Regina: Now, why does this feel so familiar? Emma: I'm ready this time. Regina: Okay. But if we do this, we do this my way. This isn't drinking stale coffee at a stakeout or... Whatever you did as a bail bondsperson. This is a way of life. You have to fully commit to it. Emma: Not a problem. Regina: Meet me at my vault in two hours. (Regina leaves.) Emma: And no complaining. I'm doing this. It's the only way. And yes, I will be careful. Mary Margaret: We know. David: Don't worry. We'll watch Henry when he gets back from the store. Emma: Actually... I'm not sure that's the best idea. Mary Margaret: What? What is it? Emma: Well, you guys are tired. You need to rest. Mary Margaret: I'm pregnant. I'm not sick with the flu. Emma: Yeah, I know. It's just, um... Well, it's... "Cradle cap." Last time you guys had him, you overwhelmed him with baby tips. He's 12. He's doesn't want to talk about pregnancies. It's not fun. Mary Margaret: Oh, we're fun. Emma: Well, I'm just saying maybe Henry disagrees. Mary Margaret: No! Emma: He'll get there. You got to remember, he doesn't know who you are. David: Well, if we're not fun, who is? [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook is waiting for Smee at the harbour.) Smee: Captain Hook. Captain. Hook: It's about time, Mr. Smee. You know how much I abhor waiting. What is it that's so urgent? Smee: It's just, um, me and the men were talking about how we haven't seen much of you since we all ended up back here. Hook: Is there a point to that rather odd observation? Smee: What's keeping us from crewing up again hitting the high seas, getting back to pirating? Hook: You mean other than being attacked and turned into flying monkeys? Have you forgotten? There's no safe passage out of this town. You've already been a rodent, Mr. Smee. Does life as a simian interest you, as well? Smee: Of course there's safe passage. We could outrun them. Hook: Not with that torso of yours. Smee: If we had a fast enough ship. The Jolly Roger, for instance. You still haven't told me whether you found her during the time none of us can remember. Hook: What happened during that time isn't important. Smee: Because you remember. Is our ship okay? What... What happened to it? Hook: My ship. All you need to know, Mr. Smee, is that the Jolly Roger isn't here. So there will be no outrunning of anything. Smee: I mean, what if we found another ship? Any one of these... Hook: Mr. Smee, I've tried letting you down easy. Now let me be more direct. I have no intention of leaving this town. Smee: Captain, I agree with you This place has its bright spots. I have never tried anything quite like frozen yogurt before. But the Wicked Witch is here. And with that sort of danger, what possible reason do you have to stay? Hook: My reasons are my own. Question them again at your peril. (Emma and Henry arrive.) Smee: Sir. Emma: Wait here, okay? Didn't he used to be a rat? Hook: Aye. In many ways, he still is. To what do I owe the pleasure, Swan? Emma: Um... I was wondering if you could take care of Henry again. Hook: If you want to get close to me, you just need to ask. There's no need to use the lad as an excuse. Emma: Why am I not surprised you're making this about you? I need your help, 'cause Regina needs to train me in magic. We think together, we might be able to defeat the Wicked Witch. Hook: That's the first reasonable plan I've heard since this all began. Magic is a part of you, Swan. Don't forget... I was there when Cora tried to steal your heart. I saw the power inside of you. It's about time you embraced it. It's what makes you the Saviour. Emma: I'm not embracing anything. I need to learn magic to defeat Zelena and make sure everyone here is safe. After that, I'm done. Hook: Done with what, exactly? Emma: He doesn't belong here... Not anymore. He belongs in the real world, in New York, and the life that he remembers. It was good. And it didn't involve vile villains. Hook: What about the life you remember? You can't just pretend like this never happened. Trust me. I spent the last year trying to do just that... Return to the person I used to be... And it didn't work. Emma: Why? What happened over the last year that you're not telling me? Hook: It matters not. Just take it from me just this once. No matter how much you wish you could go back to your old life... You can't. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret and David are walking on the beach.) David: We can't just sit back and do nothing. Mary Margaret: You're right. We can be as fun as... As any pirate captain. David: Exactly. Henry obviously did a lot of growing up in the past year. We just have to... Adjust accordingly. Mary Margaret: What's going on? (A group surrounds Ariel.) Somebody: Does anyone know what happened? Somebody: She just washed up onshore. Mary Margaret: Who did? Who's here? Ariel? [SCENE_BREAK] (On the beach.) Mary Margaret: Where have you been? We thought you'd been turned into a monkey. Ariel: A monkey? No. I'm a girl that turns into a fish. David: Yeah, we... We know. What happened to you? Ariel: I've been under the sea... Searching. I've travelled to every known realm looking for Prince Eric. David: So he's missing? For how long? Ariel: After Pan failed, I woke up here, like everybody else. I... I couldn't find him. I didn't understand what happened until I overheard everybody saying that we had all gone to the Enchanted Forest and been there for a year without knowing it. David: So you still don't know what happened to him? Ariel: That's why I came back here. I thought maybe I'd overlooked something, that he'd be here, but... Obviously, you haven't seen him. Mary Margaret: We're sorry. We've been trying to piece together what happened. All we know is that we're up against Regina's sister, the Wicked Witch. Ariel: Do you think that she might be responsible for Prince Eric's disappearance? Mary Margaret: Without our memories, it's impossible to know everything. David: Maybe for us, but what about Hook? Ariel: The pirate? Mary Margaret: Yes. He wasn't part of the witch's curse. He has his memories. Maybe he can... I don't know... Shed some light on what happened to Prince Eric. Ariel: Well, do you think he'd help me? Mary Margaret: He helped us save Henry. I don't know why not. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past Year ] [SCENE_BREAK] (In the street.) Hook: Fear of adding insult to injury, would you mind catching me up on your particular grievance? Ariel: You kidnapped Prince Eric, and you're gonna return him to me. Now on your feet! Hook: Kidnapping a prince does sound like something I would do, but... I'm afraid you've got the wrong pirate. Or should I say the wrong pirate has you? Ariel: Go ahead... Kill me. But I still know you're lying. One of Eric's men escaped, so I know the ship that took him was yours... the Jolly Roger. Hook: The Jolly Roger? Are you certain? Answer me! Ariel: You really didn't take him. Hook: What else do you know about who's captaining my ship? Did that man tell you anything else?! Ariel: Only that he was able to escape with a weapon that he stole from the armoury... The dagger that's against my throat. (Hook watches the dagger, he laughs and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr Smee is sleeping in the tavern. Hook enters.) Hook: Rise and shine, you bilge rats! No offense, Mr. Smee. Smee: None taken. I keep dreaming of cheese. What is it? Hook: I know who has the Jolly Roger, and we're gonna take her back. Smee: Whose funeral shall we be attending, sir? Hook: Black Beard. Smee: Black Beard? But... He's the most cutthroat pirate ever to hoist a sail. Uh... After you, of course. Hook: Which will make it all the more satisfying when I take my ship back and make him walk her lovely plank. Smee: Let's not be hasty. We've been having fun robbing carriages. Getting rich from it, too. M... M... Maybe we should forget about the Jolly Roger. You said it yourself. We don't need a ship to be... Hook: She's not just a ship. Smee: I'm fairly certain she is. Hook: She's more than that. I haven't been myself since we've returned. I should have realized the reason why. It's because I don't have her. Smee: "Her"? You talk about the vessel as though she's a woman. Hook: Women come and go, Mr. Smee, but a pirate's life... It's forever. Smee: Still, captain... I doubt we could even find Black Beard... Hook: Don't be a coward! I know where he moors his vessels. It's less than a day's trek. And then I'll have my ship again. Ariel: And I will have my prince. Hook: Few people have held a dagger to my throat and lived to tell the tale. I'd leave before I change my mind. Ariel: No. I've crossed paths with enough pirates to know your code. Any valuable information a pirate captain ascertains shall be compensated in equal favour. Smee: I think she's right. Ariel: So... When do we leave? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook and Henry are at Granny's Diner. They dice. Hook always wins.) Hook: You want to know the secret to winning? Henry: Practice? Hook: No, my boy. Loaded dice. Henry: That's cheating. Hook: Only if you get caught. Henry: I think it's cheating either way. Hook: Point is, you win. "Practice," huh? (David, Mary Margaret and Ariel enter in the Diner. Hook goes see them.) David: Uh, Hook, this is a friend of ours... Ariel. She's looking for someone who didn't return to Storybrooke with the rest of us. Ariel: He's from a maritime kingdom, and he loved to sail. Perhaps... You came across him on the high seas? His name's Prince Eric. Hook: Sorry, lass. I wish I could help, but I've never heard of him. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Regina's vault.) Regina: Don't touch anything. Emma: How am I supposed to learn magic if I can't touch anything? Regina: The same way I did with Rumple. We're going to create a solid foundation first and then build your skills from the ground up. I said "don't touch." So, while we're here, who's looking after Henry? The Un-Charmings? Emma: Actually, Hook is. Regina: Well, those two have been spending a lot of time together lately. Emma: Hook's good with Henry, and Henry likes him. Regina: He's prone to violence, impulsive, and has a hook for a hand. What about him would a 12-year-old boy not like? Emma: I trust him. He brought me back to Storybrooke, and he didn't have to. Regina: Oh. Of course he brought you back. Emma: What's that supposed to mean? Regina: Seriously? You're going to pretend everyone doesn't see the yearning looks and doe-y eyes? Emma: I don't yearn. Regina: Well, maybe. But he does. Let's start with roots for incantations. (Regina shows Emma her mother's book of magic.) Emma: Are you kidding me right now? What language is this... Spanish? Regina: We're not making tapas. We're making magic. It's Elvish. Well, half Elvish. Emma: I'm never gonna get this. Is this how Rumple taught you? Just think about your training. What other methods did he use? Regina: Rumple was a bully. He didn't suffer fools, and he certainly didn't coddle his students. And if he tried to teach you how to swim and you couldn't learn, you drowned. Emma: Drowned? Regina: That's it. Emma: That's what? [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina used her powers to transport Emma and her on a bridge.) Emma: What the hell are you doing?! Regina: Teaching you to swim. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Granny's Diner.) David: Come on. Think hard, Hook. Are you sure you can't remember anything that can be useful? Hook: My apologies, mate, but if I'd run across a prince during my adventure, I think I'd remember it. Ariel: I just... I don't understand. How could he vanish without a trace? Mary Margaret: That's it. Maybe he didn't. David: What do you mean? Mary Margaret: When the curse brought us back here, it brought our things, too. Gold's shop is filled with them. David: And if we find something of Eric's, we can use a locator spell to track him. Ariel: Let's go. Hook: Sounds like a plan. Best of luck with that. Mary Margaret: Oh, wait, no. You should come with us. You might remember something that we won't... Or can't. You'd be far more helpful than us. Hook: Well, someone has to keep an eye on the boy. David: Well, Mary Margaret and I can take over. Could we... Have a talk for a moment? (Hook and David go apart.) David: What is it? Hook: You sure this is such a good idea, mate? Let's be honest... There's only one obvious explanation why the little mermaid here can't find her prince. He's dead. There's no reason to ply her with false hope. David: In my experience, there's no such thing. You just have to believe. Now go. Good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past Year ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook, Ariel and Mr Smee are walking into the woods.) Ariel: Trudge, trudge, trudge. If you ask me, there's nothing more boring than land travel. I'll take my tail in the ocean any day. Hook: That's one thing we can agree on... Minus the tail, of course. You won't be bored for much longer. Our destination is just past this rise. Ariel: Then it won't be long until I'm reunited... Hook: Here. Allow me. Ariel: You've ripped it! Hook: It's a cloak. Ariel: It's Eric's cloak. And he's had it since before we met. He left it with me while he was away to keep him close, and now you have ruined it! Hook: If mending a cloak is our biggest obstacle, we're in fine shape. You realize you might not find him... Or survive? Ariel: I will. Hook: Didn't you see the fear Black Beard's name struck into my crew? You don't become a pirate captain through mercy. If I were you, I would prepare myself for the worst. Ariel: Why? What are you saying... That you would kill Eric if you had him? Hook: You don't believe that? Ariel: Well, honestly, I was a little surprised to hear that you might be responsible for Eric's kidnapping... After the stories that I've heard. Hook: What stories? Ariel: Well, the ones of you helping reunite Snow White and her family in Neverland. Some people say that you're a hero. Hook: Don't believe every story you hear. Ariel: Being good is nothing to be ashamed of. People change. Look at me. I have legs, and I fell in love with a human. I don't think anyone saw that coming. Hook: You may have changed. I haven't. I'm a pirate, and I always will be. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mr Gold's shop.) Ariel: Belle? Belle: Ariel? Where... Where have you been? I... I was... I was worried I'd never see you again. Ariel: I've been looking for Eric. He's been missing since we all returned. Hook: We were hoping we could find something of his here. Belle: Oh, of course... To see if he's in Storybrooke. Ariel: Have you seen anything of his? Belle: I, um, I only just started sorting through things, but, uh... Don't despair. Let's... Let's start looking. (They start to look.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook enters in the back room.) Hook: I've been wondering where you went. (He uses his telescope and the button of Eric's cloak. Ariel and Belle enter.) Ariel: That's Eric's. How did you know that was his? Hook: I, uh... I wasn't sure. I saw the sea-creature clasp and remembered he was from a maritime kingdom. Ariel: He is. He was. And now he's here. (Ariel hugs Hook.) [SCENE_BREAK] (On the bridge.) Emma: Are you out of your mind?! Regina: Every time you've exhibited your power, it's been spurred by your instincts. So today, we're going to push those instincts until you master them. Emma: A little reading doesn't sound so bad now. Regina: You can stop me. Emma: Stop you from what? Regina: This. (Regina destroys the bridge.) Emma: What the hell are you doing?! Regina: Making the bridge collapse. You can either stop it... Or die. Emma: Aah! Regina! Enough! Stop this! Regina: No, you stop it. No more hand-holding. You have to do this. Reach into your gut. You know you can do this. It's inside you, Emma. Save the bridge. Save yourself. Emma: Aaaaah! (Emma falls but she uses her powers to build a bridge which brings her to Regina.) Emma: Did I... Did I just do that? Regina: Yes. When all I wanted was for you to retie the rope. Emma: It was like you said... Instinct. Why are you pissed? I did it. Why does it matter how? Regina: You think I'm mad because you didn't listen to me? I'm mad because... Look at all this potential inside of you, and you've been wasting it. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mr Gold's shop. Belle pours a potion on Eric's cloak.) Belle: This is a locator spell, so whatever object it's poured on becomes enchanted and returns itself to its rightful owner. Ariel: Thank you, Belle. I know that you've been busy trying to find a way to break your Mr. Gold out of the Witch's control. You didn't have to do this. Belle: No, I... I did. You know. Perhaps a little good news around here will be contagious. (The cloak flies away.) Ariel: Let's go! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past Year ] [SCENE_BREAK] (On the docks, near the Jolly Roger.) Hook: Up close, she's even more beautiful than I remember. Don't worry, my dear. You'll soon be back in my loving arms. Ariel: You do realize you're talking to a boat? Hook: You have your love. I have mine. Smee: So, how are we gonna get on board, Captain? Black Beard's crew outnumbers us. Hook: I'll show you. (Hook stands up. He stuns a pirate and goes on board.) Hook: Stand at attention, mates! Now boarding the ship... The rightful captain of the Jolly Roger. Now, if the coward who tried stealing her from me would kindly show his face, I'll give him the punishment he deserves. Black Beard: Gladly. But it's not me who'll be punished. You want your ship back? Then take it. Hook: With pleasure. (Hook and Black Beard fight.) Black Beard: I was afraid you weren't gonna show up. Word on the waterways is Captain Hook had gone soft. Hook: The only thing soft will be your guts spilling on this deck. I'd never give up the Jolly Roger without a fight. (Hook and Black Beard continue the fight.) Hook: You think you know the ship? Black Beard: Oh, every inch of it... I assure you. Hook: If that was the case... You'd know not to step there! Black Beard: Aah! (Black Beard is trapped.) Hook: Oh, I've been meaning to fix that. Black Beard: Finish it! Hook: Fancy a shave, do we? Well, I'll be happy to oblige. Ariel: Wait! Eric's not on board. You have to get him to tell you where he is. Hook: You heard the lady. Where is he? Black Beard: So, that's what this was... A rescue mission for some wench? Ha! They were right about you, Hook. You have gone soft. Hook: I can either make this painful... Or quite painful. Now answer! Black Beard: I have him stashed safe and sound on a deserted island. Only I know where. I was planning to ransom him when the time was right. Ariel: Whatever it is, I'll pay it. Black Beard: Money's not what I'm after anymore. Ariel: Then what is it that you want? Black Beard: The satisfaction of proving Captain Hook is no longer a pirate. Hook: How are you gonna prove that? Black Beard: By giving you a choice. Surrender the Jolly Roger to me, and I'll tell you where I'm holding her prince. Or refuse, and he dies along with me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook and Ariel follow Eric's cloak across Storybrooke's street.) Ariel: We must be getting close. Maybe he's on one of these boats. (The cloak dives into the see.) Ariel: It must be searching. If the spell worked and... It's taken us to Eric, then... He's gone. Hook: I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] (In the street.) Mary Margaret: Are you sure this is a good idea? David: You said you wanted to take action, so we're taking action. Mary Margaret: Well... David: Mary Margaret... Our grandson would rather spend time with a pirate than us, but not after today. Mary Margaret: It's dangerous... Not to mention illegal! David: It couldn't be safer. And as far as legality, I'm the sheriff. (David joins Henry in the car.) Henry: So, are you sure this is okay? David: Well, if Killian can teach you how to steal a boat, I can teach you how to drive. Henry: Technically, we borrowed it. David: Well, what do you say we see how you can handle a land vessel? Okay. Steady, steady. There you go. All right. Steady. Steady. Henry: I... I got it. I got it. David: Steady. Steady. Henry: Okay. David: Watch out! (Henry crashes into a mail box.) Mary Margaret: Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] (On the docks.) Ariel: I saved Eric from the sea once before. I just never thought that I would lose him to it in the end. Hook: A sailor couldn't hope for a better resting place. Ariel: Thank you. Hook: I didn't do anything. Ariel: You found Eric's cloak. I would have never stopped looking for him. At least now I know that our story's over. I just wish I knew how it ended. You're more than a pirate, Hook. You have a true heart. I'll always be grateful that you tried to help me. (Ariel leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past Year ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook is about to push Black Beard under the sea but Ariel stops him.) Ariel: You can't do this. We had an agreement. You promised me that you would help find Eric. Please. I know that you are a good man, and I know that man Is still in there somewhere. It's not too late to do the right thing. Isn't true love more important than a few planks of wood and a sail? Hook: She might just be a few planks and a sail, but she's mine. She's all I need. Love brings nothing but wasted years and endless torment. I'm doing you a favour. A little something to whet the appetite of our razor-toothed friends below. (Hook pushes Black Beard.) Ariel: No!! Hook: Enjoy the feast, boys! The Jolly Roger is mine! Any man willing to swear an oath to me shall be given quarter. Those who don't, you're welcome to follow your former captain. The crew: Captain Hook! Hook: You may release her, Mr. Smee. Ariel: I was wrong about you, Captain. You're selfish, and you're heartless. And that is what will bring you wasted years and endless torment. I feel sorry for you. You'll never be happy. Hook: Where do you think you're going? Ariel: Eric's still out there, and whatever it takes, I will find him. (Ariel dives into the ocean.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (On the docks.) Hook: Ariel! Wait! Ariel: What is it? Hook: I have a confession. I haven't been entirely truthful with you... With myself. You and I met before. Our paths crossed during the missing year. Ariel: What? Hook: Eric had been kidnapped by the pirate Black Beard. You asked me to find him. Ariel: I... I don't understand. Why didn't you say anything? Hook: Because I was too ashamed. I sacrificed saving your prince for my ship. I am so sorry, Ariel. Ariel: You're a coward! And a monster! You let a man die for your ship?! What kind of person does that? Hook: The kind who's empty, who believes that a ship can fill a void left by a broken heart. Ariel: And that makes it okay?! Hook: No, it doesn't. I would give anything to take it back, to make things right. Ariel: Anything? Hook: Yes... Anything. Ariel: How am I supposed to trust a man who no longer believes in love? Hook: I still do. Ariel: Then swear to me on it. This woman that broke your heart... Do you still love her? Hook: Yes. Ariel: Then swear to me on her name. Hook: I swear on Emma Swan. Ariel: Thank you, Captain. That's exactly what I needed to hear. (Ariel uses magic to curse Hook's lips.) Hook: What the hell? (Then she turns into Zelena.) Hook: Zelena? It was you. Where's Ariel? Zelena: Relax. She was never really here. After she left you on your beloved ship, she actually found where Black Beard had been keeping her prince. Hook: She found him? How do you know that? Zelena: My spies are always circling, Captain, through every realm... Always circling. She found him on Hangman's Island, which was outside the force of the curse. They've been living happily ever after ever since. Don't you just love a good twist? Hook: I don't understand. Why would you pretend to be her? Zelena: To corrupt your love. As I said earlier, I've known about your dirty little secret for quite some time... Seen the guilt on your face over the decision you made that day. I knew it haunted you. And I knew I could use it. Hook: Use it for what? Zelena: When you invoked the name of your love in a selfish plea for redemption, I was able to curse you... More specifically, your kiss. See, the next time your lips touch Emma Swan's, all of her magic will be taken. Everything that makes her special, that makes her powerful, that makes her a threat will be gone. Hook: I won't do it. I'll tell her. And she'll defeat you. Zelena: Then I'll send The Dark One to kill her before you can. Hook: No... You won't... If you could have killed her, you would have. You need her power removed. It's why you didn't kill her when she came to the town. It's why you had a monkey look after her in New York instead of killing her. For some reason... You can't. Zelena: It no longer matters, because you're going to remove her powers. I may not be able to hurt Emma, but I can hurt those around her... Her parents, her friends... Her child. Hook: Do not go near them. Zelena: Oh, yes. You've become quite fond of the boy, haven't you? I will enjoy turning him into a monkey's breakfast. Hook: I'll stop you. Zelena: No, you won't. That pointy, little hook of yours can scratch a mere mortal, but me? You're out of your depth, pirate. The choice is yours. Kiss Emma and remove her powers or everyone she loves dies. (Zelena disappears.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook knocks on the Charming Family's door. Emma opens.) Hook: Swan? I didn't expect to see you here. Emma: What do you mean? Where's Henry? Is everything all right? Hook: He's fine. He's with his grandparents. I thought they might be back here. Emma: We haven't seen them. If you're not with Henry, what have you been doing all day? Hook: I was enlisted to help Ariel find her lost prince. Regina: Really? That fish is in Storybrooke? Hook: She was, yes. And we found a clue in Gold's shop which led us to discover that Eric had been shipwrecked on Hangman's Island, just off the coast of the Enchanted Forest. Emma: Zelena's curse must not have reached that far. Hook: Ariel's on her way there now. She wanted me to say goodbye to Mary Margaret for her. Regina: Oh. At the rate mermaids swim, she's probably already there. In fact, let's find out. Emma: I thought you couldn't use mirror magic to look between worlds. Regina: I can't. But after seeing the raw power you possess, I think maybe you can. Hook: There's no need. I'm sure she's fine. Anyway, it's bad form to spy on such a private affair. Emma: How do I do it? Regina: Well, you've focused. You've let emotions awaken your power. Now you have to look inward. (The see Ariel and Eric, happy, on the mirror.) Emma: You did this? You brought them together? Hook: No. It was Ariel. She never stopped believing. Emma: Modesty? You're just full of surprises today. (Henry, David and Mary Margaret enter.) Emma: Where have you guys been? Henry: Only having the best day ever. David let me drive his truck. Regina: You let him what?! Oh. A... As mayor, I can't let an unlicensed, underage driver on the streets of Storybrooke. David: As mayor, you might want to throw a little money at road repair. Regina: Excuse me? David: Nothing. Regina: This is a terrible mistake. Emma: She's right. Someone could have been seriously hurt. Mary Margaret: Only if you're a mailbox. Henry: It was so much fun. David: What can I say? I've got a reckless, carefree... Fun side. Mary Margaret: Killian? Where's our friend? Hook: It turns out her missing... Husband was back home after all. Emma: It's true. We just checked in on them on... Skype. Hook: She sends her regards, but she was too excited to wait. Mary Margaret: A happy ending. Well, maybe our luck's about to change. Dinner at Granny's? Henry: Can I drive? Emma & Regina: No! Hook: Well, I guess I'll leave you guys to it. Emma: You're not coming? Hook: Another time, perhaps. Emma: Well, if you change your mind, you know where we'll be. And, Killian... Whatever happened this past year, whatever you're not telling me... I don't care. I'm tired of living in the past. Hook: I know how you feel. (Hook leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The Charming Family and Regina have diner at Granny's. Hook is in the street, he watches Emma with his telescope.)
doc_236	"To Serve and Protect" 33rd Episode of Roswell Production Code: 2ADA11 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode opens on Max and Isabel at home flipping through television channels) Isabel: There's nothing on. Max: We must have 50 channels. Isabel: Crap. . .Crap. . . Max: Uh Huh. Isabel: Boring. Max: Uh Huh. Isabel: I'm going to take a stroll; see what people are dreaming. Max: Haven't you been over doing that lately? Isabel: Take it easy. It's harmless. Max: It's just not a very nice thing to do. (Isabel leaves, Max yells after her.) Max: Stay away from Liz, please. (He continues flipping through channels) Max: Crap. . .Crap. . .Crap. . . (Isabel is on her bed looking through her yearbook and stops at Liz's picture. We enter Liz's dream at the Crashdown. A young man enters.) Brad: Hello, Liz. Liz: Hello, Brad. (Brad lifts her up, and sets her on the counter. Liz lies down.) Liz: Would you like fries with that. (Brad and Liz start kissing. Max shows up behind the counter) Liz: I'm with Brad now. Max: Brad doesn't even exist. Besides, you want someone who can do this. (Max gestures toward the ceiling and rose petals start to fall. Liz and Max kiss.) Liz: Oh my! Isabel: Even her romantic dreams are boring. (Back to Isabel's room. She looks through the yearbook again and stops on Kyle.) Isabel: Kyle's got to be more interesting than that. (We enter Kyle's dream. He's on a mountaintop in a Lotus position with BUDDHA.) Buddha: Remember young blossom, my most important words. Kyle: Yes, master. Buddha: To thine own self be true. Isabel: It's Shakespeare. Buddha: With every inhale find the center of yourself. With every exhale release the ties that bind your energy. Inhale. . .Exhale. . .Inhale. . . (BUDDHA is interrupted by a cell phone beeping.) Buddha: Excuse me. BUDDHA here. Yeah. When? Prepare the ship. Standby to beam us aboard. Kyle: Master? Buddha: Our enemies have arrived, Kyle. We must leave Earth and face the dark legion. Kyle: No, no, no, no. I'm here for inner peace, not that science fiction crap. Buddha: Max Evans changed you when he saved your life. You know that. You're an alien now Kyle. Dude, like, accept you destiny. Kyle: No, I'm not! (Kyle looks down at his hand and it has become green and slimy.) Kyle: Ahhhhh! (Switch back to Isabel's room, where she enters another dream in a forest with flashes of light.) Isabel: Where am I? Kyle, who's dream is this? (We see a man dragging a screaming girl in a black plastic bag. Isabel wakes up in a panic.) (Opening credits) (Open on Sheriff Valenti's office, the next morning.) Voice (O.C.): Excuse me. I'm looking for a broken-down, old, war-horse somehow managed to make Sheriff of Roswell, New Mexico. Valenti: Hansen, send that sanctimonious paper-pusher in here before I have him arrested for vagrancy. (Man enters) Dan: Damn son, you are getting old. Valenti: Real police work will do that to you, Dan. You should try it some time. Dan: Now, that hurts. Long time, Jimbo. Valenti: Too long. So, I take it this isn't a social call. Dan: The state police board wants to review the Hubble shooting. VALENTI: Hubble? Well, it's an open and shut case. Crazy old man with a gun in the desert. It was over a year ago. Why investigate that? Dan: Wheels of justice grind slowly. Valenti: Do I need a lawyer? Dan: Whoa, easy, no need to get all riled up now. Valenti: That was a clean shoot, Dan. Dan: If you say so. (Change to Crashdown. Tess is having breakfast with Kyle. She pours Tabasco sauce on her waffles with whip cream and strawberries, and in her orange juice.) Kyle: That's a very alien thing, isn't it? The very sweet, very spicy? TESS: Uh huh. Kyle: Can I try a bite? Tess: You won't like it. Kyle: Oh, I hope not. (Kyle takes a taste) Kyle: Oh my God. Tess: I told you. Kyle: No,no,no. It's not completely horrible. It's almost tasty. Tess: Oh well, here. Have some more. Kyle: No, no, I can't. This is so wrong. I'm not ready for this. Tess: Not ready for what? Kyle: For the change. Not ready to be, like, a half-human, half-alien freakazoid. Tess: Uh, we prefer the term 'hybrids'. Kyle: I'm serious. Look, I never bargained for this. One minute I'm a normal guy with my whole life ahead of me the next thing I know, Max Evans transmogrifies me into something not-of-this-Earth. Tess: Whoa, whoa, trans-what? Kyle: Look, I never asked for this. Tess: Well, I suppose he could have let you die. Is that what you want? KYLE: If I had died, I would have transcended the mortal plane and been reincarnated into the next stage of my life. Tess: Reincarnated as what, exactly? Kyle: Like, just another person or animal, maybe. Tess: An animal? Like, you could have ended up a gopher or something! KYLE: Look, we're getting off the point. I really need some help. Tess: What do you want from me? I don't know what's going to happen to you. You know, maybe nothing will happen. Or maybe you could develop superpowers and start flying all over Roswell in a big cape. I don't know! (Kyle reaches for Tess' waffles.) Kyle: Could I have another- Tess: No! (Isabel and Max are talking to Sheriff Valenti in his office.) Valenti: Alright, let me get this straight. You can go into people's dreams? Isabel: Yes. But usually I choose whose dreams I go into. This one just came to me. Valenti: Well, how do you know this was real, not just somebody's nightmare you stumbled into? Isabel: I don't know, but it felt real. She needs help. Max: Sheriff, when Tess was being tortured Isabel got flashes from her, and that's how she knew Tess was in danger. That's how we saved her life. We should check into this. Valenti: It's a little hard to look for a missing girl without a name or a face. (Dan knocks and enters) Dan: Hey, Senor Chows for lunch? Valenti: Yeah, that'd be fine. (Dan looks with interest at Max and Isabel.) Dan: Hi. Max: Hi. Valenti: I'll see you at 1:00, Dan. (Dan exits) Max: Who was that? Valenti: From the State Police Board. He's reviewing the Hubble case. Max: Hubble? Valenti: It's no big deal. Dan's an old friend. I'll tell you what. I'll look into it, Okay? Isabel: Thank you. (Dan and Valenti are having lunch at Senor Chows.) Valenti: When I ordered him to put his weapon down, he uh. . . he refused, brought the gun up. I felt my life was in imminent danger, so I fired. Dan: Hmm, just like it says in your report. (Dan signals a waiter) Uh, could we have more of these sweet and sour tortillas? They're good, different, but good. So, uh, who were those kids in your office this morning? Valenti: Nobody. Stolen bike. Dan: Hmm, What were their names again? Valenti: Max and Isabel Evans. DAN: Max Evans. . .hmm, I got a statement here says that Hubble was last seen in a car with Max Evans, before the shooting. Valenti: Whose statement? Dan: Was Max Evans there that night? Valenti: No. Dan: Okay Jim, that's all I need to hear. (Move to the Crashdown. Liz is serving food to some customers) Liz: Okay, Umm, we have a Saturn Rings and a Galaxy Sub, hold the Max. (Liz looks at Maria as she realizes her mistake) Okay, so I'll be right back with the Cokes. (Maria pulls Liz aside.) Maria: Okay, what just happened? Liz: I need help. I'm sick, Okay. I am an obsessed person. Maria: Okay, is this a general freakout or should I be concerned? Liz: No, I have Max on my brain 24 hours a day. Okay, I dream about him, I think about him, and now I'm saying his friggin' name without even realizing it. What am I going to do? Maria: You're in love that's all. Liz: I know, but it's not getting me anywhere. Maria: Okay relax, relax, Liz. It's not that bad. I promise. Liz: Not that bad? Really? Why don't you look at this? (Liz pulls out two pictures of Max from her apron pockets.) Liz: See! Obsession, obsession, obsession, obsession! Maria: Okay, okay, you're a Max-aholic. I'm here for you. What can I do? Liz: Get me a life. (a new guy enters the Crashdown.) Maria: Oh, you gotta be kidding me. When did you get out? Sean: This morning. Maria: You didn't break out did you? Sean: I got a release, good behavior. Maria: That's a first. You don't think that you're going to stay with us do you? Sean: Oh, uh, Aunt Amy already gave it the thumbs up. Maria: She is such a soft touch, isn't she? Sean: Hi, Liz. Liz: Hey, Sean. Sean: All grown up. Like it. I'll see you at home. Maria: It's not your home. (Evans House. Grant Sorenson is flipping through TV channels as Max walks in with a look of distrust.) Max: Grant. Grant: Hey, Max. Max: You're uh. . . Grant: Waiting for Isabel. Max: Oh, right. I'll go check on her. (Max enters Isabel's room. Isabel is hurriedly going through her closest of clothes picking out something to wear.) Max: You know, Grant's downstairs. Isabel: I know. Max: Do you really like that guy? Isabel: Don't start with me, Max. Max: What's wrong? Isabel: I just. . .I've been thinking about that girl all day. You know? It was different. It was like she was dreamwalking me. Max: You mean, like, she's an alien? Isabel: No, no, I don't think so. Max: Well, maybe you should cancel your date. Isabel: You know how many times I have cancelled in the last month? I have no more excuses. Max: Well, tell him the truth. You've been battling evil aliens for control of the planet and it's hard to fit him in. Isabel: Funny. No, no, I want a normal date with a normal guy tonight. I'm going, so just. . .just tell him I'll be ready in five minutes. Okay? Five minutes. Max: Five minutes. Isabel: Yeah, five minutes. Okay? Thank you. (Valenti living room. Kyle is sitting in front of the TV, which is off. He tries out his alien powers by raising his hand toward the screen. Tess walks up behind him and sees what he is doing, so she picks up the remote control and turns the TV on.) Kyle: Oh God, jeez. (Tess laughs quietly to herself and Kyle tries again.) Kyle: Channel 15. (Tess changes the channel with the remote.) Kyle: Channel 23 (Tess changes the channel) Kyle: Unscrambled p0rn. (Tess changes again, and Kyle jumps up in triumph.) Kyle: I have become - (he turns and sees Tess behind him.) Kyle: an idiot. Tess: Oh, but a cute one. Hey (Tess tosses the remote to Kyle) (Switch to the movies with Isabel and Grant. Isabel rolls her head from side to side.) Grant: You sore? Isabel: Yeah. (Grant massages her neck.) Isabel: Thank you. (Isabel lays her head on Grant's shoulder and closes her eyes. Suddenly she gets another flash of a young blond girl being kidnapped as she goes to her car. We see drugs and a syringe. Next we see her being dragged in a black bag, by a man. Isabel sits up with a yell.) Grant: You okay? Isabel: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm sorry. (Isabel and Max are in Valenti's livingroom later that night.) Isabel: I need to find her. She's in trouble. She's going to die. Valenti: I thought you weren't sure. Isabel: It's real Sheriff. I know it's happening. Max: You have to find her. Valenti: Find who? What missing girl? No one's been reported. I don't know what she looks like. I don't have any leads. . . Isabel: I saw her car. It's silver. Valenti: Did you see the plates? Isabel: No, but it's a Honda, or a Toyota, or something. I'm not good with cars. Valenti: Okay, I guess I could start looking through the abandoned vehicle reports. See if it's turned up. Okay? Isabel: Thank you. I'm sorry for barging in like this. Valenti: Hey, hey. It's Okay, alright? Isabel: Thank you. (As Isabel leaves Max talks to the sheriff.) Max: I know how all this must look. Valenti: I believe her. I do. I just don't know how realistic it is to think that I'm going to be able to find this girl with this evidence. Max: I know. Thanks. (As Max leaves the sheriff makes a phone call.) Valenti: Hansen, I'm coming in. (Valenti enters the Crashdown on his way in to the station and sits at the counter by a woman.) Valenti: Large coffee and a warp wrap to go please. Judith Foster: Working late Jim? Valenti: Yep Judith Foster: Great match your boy had the other night. Valenti: Yeah, two take downs. Not bad, huh? Judith Foster: Just like his father. Remember that match against the Rangers? Valenti: My God, how do you remember these things? Judith Foster: I had a crush on you, or didn't you notice? Valenti: I noticed your boyfriend. Judith Foster: I like to call him my husband now. Valenti: How's your girl? Judith Foster: Melissa? Fine, just fine. . . I think. Valenti: Something wrong? Judith Foster: No, it's nothing I'm sure. She went to visit some friends in Santa Fe yesterday and she hasn't called home yet. I know I shouldn't be concerned, but she always calls. Oh, I'm being silly. Valenti: Melissa drives a silver car doesn't she? Judith Foster: Yeah, Toyota. Why? (Sheriff's station later that night. A deputy is interviewing the woman as Sheriff Valenti enters giving orders.) Valenti: You contacted all the Foster girl's friends yet? I need to know if she turns up. Deputy: OKAY (Valenti turns to another officer.) Valenti: Get highway patrol on the horn. I want every inch of 285 covered. (Valenti hands papers to another officer) Valenti: Plate numbers. Run them. (Switch to Mrs. Foster being interviewed) Mrs. Foster: She had an overnight bag and a cosmetics case. Deputy: Does she have a cell phone? Mrs. Foster: No. I took it away from her. She was spending too much money. (Dan enters) Dan: Hey, how's it going? Valenti: Busy. Judith, you have that picture? Mrs. Foster: Yeah, it's right here. (Valenti turns back to Dan.) Valenti: What's up? Dan: Heard about the missing girl. You're really circling up the wagons here. Valenti: Just doing my job. Excuse me. (Valenti opens his office door.) Dan: Who you got in there? (Valenti turns back and looks at Dan but doesn't answer, then continues into his office and closes the door. Max and Isabel are waiting. He hands Isabel a picture of Melissa Foster.) Valenti: Is this her? Isabel: The hair's the right color. I think so. Valenti: Are you sure? Isabel: I never saw her clearly, but it's her. It has to be. Valenti: I hope you're wrong. I've known the Fosters for years. Max: Well, I don't recognize her. Valenti: She goes to Goddard High. Isabel: The terror. I felt it so clearly in the last dream. We have to get her back. I need to. Valenti: You and me both. (Change to the next day in the Crashdown where Maria is serving Sean.) Maria: In case I haven't told you this. You dine n' dash here, you die. (Sean reaches into his pocket and lays money on the table.) Maria: Is there a tip in there? Sean: Just give me the burger. Maria: How about a little talk, hmmm? Alright, in our house there are rules, and as strange, unimaginable, and bizarre as it may seem - we live our lives by these very simple rules. Sean: Okay. Maria: Rule one, toilet seat is left down. Rule two, underwear are not left on the floor, no. Rule three, milk is poured into a glass, not directly consumed by the carton. Rule four - Sean: There a lot of these rules? Maria: Don't worry, I'll write them down for you, assuming of course, that you can read. Sean: Of course. Maria: Now, pay attention please. Rule four is very important. Leave Liz alone. Sean: Why, is she part of that house too or something? Maria: I am not kidding, Sean. She is way off limits to you. Okay? Way, way, off limits. Sean: Way. Maria: Look, I saw the way you looked at her, alright? 'All grown up. I like it' No, it's not going to happen, Sean. Sean: Okay. Maria: She's in a very delicate and fragile place in her life right now. (We hear Liz yelling off camera) Liz: Dammit Eddie, where's my order? (Sean looks questioningly at Maria) Maria: I'm serious. Sean: I hear you, alright? Leave her alone. I get it. What do you want from me? Maria: I'll give you the list by the end of the day. [SCENE_BREAK] (Switch to Isabel in her room. She lies on her bed and tries to dreamwalk. After some restless tossing she sees the blond girl again being dragged in the forest. This time we see the face of the man and it is Grant Sorenson. Isabel wakes up very upset and Max is shaking her.) Isabel: No! Oh, no! It can't be! Max: You started crying Isabel. What happened? Isabel: No, Oh God! It's Grant! It's Grant. I saw him. I saw him. Oh God! Oh God. No. (Change to Valenti's Office, where Isabel and Max are talking to the Sheriff.) Valenti: Sorenson? Isabel: I'm positive. Valenti: Alright, I'll take care of it. Max: You want us to help? Valenti: Not this time. (Switch to a daytime shot of a golf course. Valenti is calling to a judge who is playing golf.) Valenti: Your honor! Your honor! Judge: Hello, Sheriff. Valenti: The woman who came forward is positive she saw Grant Sorenson with Melissa Foster. Judge: You have a history with this Sorenson character don't you? Uh, he filed a complaint? Valenti: That was a misunderstanding, sir. Judge: Yeah, you searched his room without a warrant, shoving a gun in his face. Valenti: Your honor! Your honor! A girl could be dying here! Judge: You hurry and get me probable cause, then you'll get your warrant; otherwise, you're ruining my handicap. (Change to Grant Sorenson's campsite as The Sheriff and Hansen drive up.) Valenti: Check the car. We're looking for a large vinyl bag; seven foot by three. Grant: What the hell's going on here? Valenti: We need to do a little looking around Mr. Sorenson. Grant: For what? My igneous rock collection? Valenti: Do you know Melissa Foster? Grant: I heard she was. . . What is this? Every time someone disappears I become your number one suspect? Valenti: What were you doing last Friday night? Grant: I drove to Carlsbad. That's the opposite direction from Santa Fe. VALENTI: How did you know Miss Foster went to Santa Fe? Grant: It's common knowledge. The whole town is talking. Sherrif, you got a warrant? Valenti: What were you doing in Carlsbad? Grant: I went to pick up some equipment. Valenti: We heard you were out here in the middle of the night. Grant: That's not a crime. Valenti: Depends upon what you were doing. (Valenti comes to Grant's tent and opens the flap. He sees a large black vinyl bag like the one in Isabel's visions, and pulls it out.) Grant: Don't touch that. Valenti: What are you doing with this bag? Grant: Transporting equipment. Valenti: I need to see what's inside it. Open it up. Grant: I can't do that. Valenti: Well if you won't then I will. Step aside. Grant: Sheriff, this is ridiculous. Valenti: Back off! (Grant moves aside and the sheriff unzips the bag to find equipment.) Valenti: What is this? Grant: It's equipment, photosensitive equipment. They use it in caverns like in Carlsbad. That's why I work at nights. It's the only time to get proper readings. You don't have a warrant do you? (Switch to Valenti's office where Dan is waiting for him.) Valenti: Dan. Dan: Okay, cards on the table, Jimbo. What's going on here? Valenti: I'm in the middle of an investigation. Dan: Where you been the last four hours? Valenti: Following a lead. Checking out a suspect. Anymore questions? DAN: Yeah, you get a warrant for Sorenson this time? Valenti: You always know more than you let on, don't you Dan. I should have remembered that the day you walked through my door. Dan: It's part of my job, Jimbo, and what I know right now is you disappear for days on end and you spend a lot of time lately with teenage kids. That's awful strange behavior. Valenti: This isn't about the Hubble case is it? What the hell is going on here? Dan: The State Board has had you in their watch file for a long time now, what with your reputation for chasing UFO's and what not. But right now it's your own men that are talking, and they want to know what's happened to their sheriff. Valenti: I don't owe them an explanation. Dan: You owe me! (Valenti and Dan start yelling at the same time.) Dan: You're crossing a lot of lines and I want to know why! Valenti: I haven't been able to carry on an investigation. A girl's life is on the line. (The two men are interrupted by a knock on the door.) Valenti: What! Hansen: Uh, Sheriff. I'm sorry but, uh. . (Hansen shows a young blond girl into Valenti's office.) Dan: Can we help you? Girl: Yeah, hi. I'm Melissa Foster. I heard you were looking for me. (Switch to an alley outside the Sheriff's station where Valenti is talking to Max and Isabel.) Valenti: Girl said her car gave out halfway to Santa Fe. Next day she had it towed. No kidnapper, no needles, no bags and no desert. (Isabel hangs her head.) Valenti: Isabel, it's alright. Melissa's safe. Her family's happy. Nobody got hurt. Max: What about you? Valenti: I'll have some awkward questions to answer but I'm sure it will blow over. Isabel: Sheriff, I am so sorry. I don't know how I could have been so wrong. I . . . Valenti: Hey, you didn't do anything wrong. You have gifts the rest of us don't, and I trust those gifts. And if anything like this ever happens again, I want you to come to me. I'll be fine. (Back in Valenti's office where Dan and the Judge are questioning him.) Judge: What the hell is wrong with you? You conduct an illegal search after I say no! Dan: You know, Sorenson has filed a 15 million-dollar civil suit against the city. Valenti: For what? Because I ruined his stupid experiment? He's gonna be laughed out of court. Judge: I'm half tempted to have you thrown into your own jail on a contempt citation. Valenti: I'm sorry. Okay, I was wrong. I had a hunch. I had to follow it. JUDGE: A hunch! You told me you had a witness! Dan: You told Judith Foster you had two witnesses! You terrified that family! I spent all day trying to calm them down. Valenti: There are two witnesses, but I promised them anonymity. I can't break that promise. Dan: We talking about those kids again. Valenti: No Judge: What kids? Dan: Max and Isabel Evans. Valenti: This has nothing to do with them. Judge: Then who? I want names and I want them now. Valenti: I'm sorry. Judge: Best find yourself a lawyer. (Later that night in Isabel's room, where Max is talking to Isabel.) Max: Isabel, I don't understand this. You've never been wrong about this in the past and we've always gone with your judgement. Isabel: I don't understand it either, Max. This wasn't something that I planned. Max: How could this happen. Isabel: I don't know. Max: Valenti might be losing his job because of us. Have you thought about that? Isabel: Of course I have, but what was I suppose to do? Just let her die? Max: There is no missing girl, Alright! Your dreams were wrong. You were wrong. Isabel: Don't' you think I know that? Maybe part of me just needed her to be missing. Max: What do you mean? Isabel: After everything we've been through, after all the pain that we've caused, I just wanted what we are, what I am, to do something good for a change. Max: Isabel, you are my sister. You yell at me, you second-guess me, and you piss me off. You also saved my life, and I don't care what we've been through; I still believe in you. I always will. Go get some sleep. You look. . . really bad. Isabel: Thanks! (Change to Crashdown same night. Liz, Maria, and Michael are working and Kyle is sitting at the counter. Sean enters.) Kyle: Tess is openly mocking me now. This morning I woke up with little antennae coming out of my head. Liz: I don't know what to say. We need professional help. Sean: Yo, M. Maria: M? No, see um. . . in the real world we use names. My name is Maria. Kyle: Who's that? Michael: Maria's loser cousin Sean. Sean: Can I get some fries, tough guy? Michael: No Maria: Sorry, we're closed. So sorry. Kyle: Anyway, the point is, I'm just saying It's gonna be OK. I mean we're both obsessed people but we'll get through it. At least we have each other. Liz: You know, uh, I think the fryer is still warm. I could whip you up some fries. Sean: Nah, forget it. I'll scrounge something up at home. (Sean exits.) Maria: It's not your home. Stop calling it that. You're just passing through. You're not actually thinking. . . Liz: No, of course not. Maria: All I try and do is help. Does anybody listen? Liz: I'm sorry, what were you saying? Kyle: Nothing. I was just talking to myself. Hey, you got any cousins for me? (Change to Isabel in bed, same night. She has another vision. She sees more details of where the girl is.) Isabel: Where am I? Kidnapped Girl: No, please don't! Isabel: Max, Max! No, Max. . . Max! (Attacker takes out a syringe. Isabel screams and begins reacting like the kidnapped girl.) Isabel: Help me! (Max enters, sits on Isabels bed and tries to wake her.) Max: I'm here. Isabel, Isabel wake up. Isabel: No, please! Don't do this. You don't have to do this. No! (Isabel wakes up) Max: Isabel, are you alright? Isabel: Oh my God. (Move to Valenti's office the same night. Dan enters.) Dan: Judith Foster is filing a grievance with the State police board. She wants a formal investigation into you actions. Valenti: I wonder who put that idea in her head? Dan: Lot a questions here, Jimbo. Time for you to start thinkin' of some answers. Valenti: Talk to my lawyer. (Phone rings) Valenti: Sheriff Valenti. Max: It's not over. Valenti: You wanna explain that to me. Max: It's not Melissa Foster. It's some other girl. She's in Fraizer Woods in the clearing outside the abandoned pump house. We have to go right now. (Valenti pauses and looks up at Dan.) Max: Sheriff? Valenti: Where are you now Deputy? Max: We're at our house. We'll meet you on Clark's street, near the Crashdown. Valenti: Stay where you are. I'll take care of it. Max: No, we're going with you. Can you meet us? Valenti: Yeah, I'll meet you there deputy. (The Sheriff hangs up.) Dan: Do deputies always call you on your private line? Valenti: I'll talk to you in the morning. Dan: You know your Daddy went down just like this. Got some fool notion into his head, ignored the law and his friends, and ended up handing over his badge. Valenti: Is that a threat? Dan: If that phone call was from those kids, consider it a warning. (Move to Frazier Woods. Max, Isabel, and Valenti are searching with flashlights.) Isabel: This is it. Max: Ok, we're here. Now what? Isabel: I don't know. I don't know. She's here. She's here somewhere. VALENTI: You kidnap a girl. You bring her out here and then you. . . Max: What is it? Valenti: It's a molehill. Max: So? Valenti: It's an awfully straight line for a molehill. (Valenti reaches down and finds a tube. He pulls it up and follows along it until he comes to a strange apparatus.) Valenti: Oxygen tanks Isabel: Oh my God. Valenti: Come on. (Valenti follows the tube back the other direction until it finally disappears deep into the ground.) Isabel: Oh God, she's under here. (They dig frantically with their hands. We see someone watching them through the cross hairs of a gun scope.) Max: Watch the head. Isabel: Oh my God. (They unearth a clear plastic box around the buried girl's head.) Isabel: What did they do to her? Max: I don't know. Valenti: She's going into shock. Isabel: We've got you. What did they do? Max: Isabel, can you get this thing off? Isabel: Yes. Valenti: Hurry, Hurry. Get it off. (The rifleman shoots and hits the ground near them. Max jumps up and puts up his protective shield. Valenti pulls out his gun and aims toward where the shots came from. The masked man fires again, but the bullet bounces off the shield.) Max: Isabel, hurry! (Isabel tries to lift the box off the girl's head while another bullet bounces off Max's shield.) Valenti: Max, I see the shooter. Max: I can't keep this up. Isabel: I almost have it. (Another shot bounces off.) Isabel: I've got it. Max: You see him? Valenti: Yeah. . . Ready? Go! (Max withdraws the shield. Valenti fires several shots and hits the shooter. The shooter is only wounded and runs away. A flashlight appears behind Valenti, Max, and Isabel.) Dan: Freeze! Valenti: Dan, It's me! Dan: What the hell's going on here? Who are you shootin' at? Valenti: Kidnapper. Dan: What kidnapper? Valenti: We found our missing girl. (Max and Isabel look at each other nervously while Dan walks over and sees the girl. Dan removes his coat to cover her. The girl is crying.) (Later. More police have arrived and an ambulance. The kidnapped girl, Laurie, is on a stretcher.) Laurie: (very emotional) I never saw his face. I was coming down to visit my grandparents in Roswell when he . . . came up behind me on the street. . . Valenti: Laurie, I'm going to have someone watch over you round the clock until your parents arrive. You're safe now. I promise. Laurie: How did you know to find me out here? Valenti: Someone heard you cry out for help. (Paramedics take Laurie away. Isabel follows her and Dan approaches the Sheriff.) Dan: How'd you find her? Valenti: Good police work. Dan: Aw, come on. You can do better than that. What were those kids doin' out here? Valenti: Nothing. They were just along for the ride. Dan: Along for the ride? You tellin' me that you took two minors with you on a ride along? That alone is enough to get you suspended. Valenti: I'll take the suspension. You leave the kids out of this. (Hansen approaches with a small plastic bag.) Hansen: Sheriff, look at this. Valenti: Our shooter's bullets. Hansen: Yes, but there's no laceration or impact. They're in perfect shape. Dan: That's impossible, physically impossible. Thanks. Deputy, I'll take care of these. Valenti: I'm as baffled as you are. Dan: Nah, nah, you're not. You're a good cop, Jimbo, but you don't lie very well, and whatever you're coverin' up I'm going to find it out. You can count on it. (We move over to Laurie and Isabel.) Laurie: Who are you? Isabel: Isabel. Laurie: You saved my life. Thank you. (Isabel takes her hand then has a flash of blue cell like things. Laurie is loaded into the ambulance.) Max: Ready to go home? Isabel? Isabel: There's something about her, Max. Max: What do you mean? Isabel: It's like I know her. (Episode ends with them looking after the ambulance as it pulls away.)
doc_237	5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. KING PRIAM'S PALACE. BALCONY CASSANDRA: Then woe to the House of Priam. Woe to the Trojans! PARIS: I'm afraid you're a bit late to say 'whoa' to the horse! I've just given instructions to have it brought into the city. [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. PLAIN OF TROY (The horse moves slowly forward to the city. At its feet, the excited, but doomed crowd can be heard.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. CHAMBER OF KING PRIAM'S PALACE (All except VICKI have come back from the balcony and back into the chamber. She is nowhere to be seen but her absence is not immediately noticed.) CASSANDRA: Of all the idiocy! To have it brought into the city! PARIS: (Despairing.) Why? Th...that horse is in the image of one of our gods! CASSANDRA: It's a trick. My dreams have always been right and they foretell disaster. (PARIS laughs in a sneering fashion.) PARIS: Now were they right about that little temple? That has brought us nothing but good luck. CASSANDRA: Good luck you call it. The whole family besotted by that sorceress! PRIAM: Oh, I do wish you'd stop calling Cressida that. And I would call it luck to have the entire Greek army removed from our shores. Peace, at last! Though the arrival of the horse is a little puzzling. PARIS: Well, Cressida probably arranged it and the very sight of it just...just frightened the Greeks away. (TROILUS looks round at this reminder.) TROILUS: (Puzzled.) Where is Cressida? (The others also glance round the room.) PARIS: Oh, she's probably down in the square watching them bring in the horse. TROILUS: Oh, then I'd better go and look for her. I don't like her to go wandering round the city on her own. PRIAM: No, bring her back up here again she'll get a betterful view. (As TROILUS leaves and PRIAM and PARIS go back up to the balcony, CASSANDRA moves to the back of the room where KATARINA, a handmaiden, is standing and whispers to her.) CASSANDRA: Katarina! Go and look for the sorceress. I don't trust my lovesick brother. KATARINA: But great priestess, the auguries said that... CASSANDRA: (Hisses.) Do you dare to question me?! (KATARINA hangs her head in fear.) KATARINA: No. CASSANDRA: Very well then, go and watch for that girl. (KATARINA leaves the throne room worriedly as CASSANDRA goes back onto the balcony.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. KING PRIAM'S PALACE. DUNGEONS (VICKI is descending into the gloom. STEVEN sees her approaching through the bars.) STEVEN: What's going on up there? (VICKI unbolts the door.) VICKI: They're just bringing the horse into the city. Follow me. (STEVEN leaves the cell and follows her as instructed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. WOODEN HORSE (The Horse is still banging from side to side with a very uncomfortable DOCTOR within...) DOCTOR: Oh, I'm still very worried about those fetlocks! ODYSSEUS: Be happy that's all you have to worry about. Ah! Of all the undignified ways of entering a city this takes the flying phoenix. DOCTOR: If only you would have allowed me another day to fit shock absorbers. [SCENE_BREAK] (The DOCTOR is almost knocked from his feet by the movement of the horse as it suddenly stops.) ODYSSEUS: Zeus be praised! We've arrived. DOCTOR: (Relieved.) Oh! Well now, what is it you propose to do, hmm? ODYSSEUS: We wait Doctor, without movement. (The DOCTOR makes a noise as he does move.) ODYSSEUS: (Whispers loudly.) In absolute silence! [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. TROY. MAIN SQUARE (The towering Horse stands in the main square. A chattering crowd can be heard below it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. KING PRIAM'S PALACE. BALCONY (PARIS is rather pleased with himself as he, the King and CASSANDRA look down on it from the balcony.) PARIS: There, father, the horse is safely installed. And you may notice my sister that nothing, er, "disastrous" has occurred. CASSANDRA: Wait and see. There's time yet and mark my words that horse will be the doom of Troy. PRIAM: It's a little more rough-hewn than I had expected. Well, since it's here, we'd better take a closer look. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. MAIN SQUARE OF TROY (STEVEN and VICKI are moving behind pillars to avoid the inhabitants of the city who themselves are heading in the direction of the Horse. The two companions reach the edge of the square and look up at the towering structure. STEVEN is impressed.) STEVEN: That's some horse. VICKI: If you can call it that. STEVEN: The Doctor said... (He cuts off as a group of Trojan citizens begin laughing close by. STEVEN realises he is still dressed as a Greek and pulls VICKI away back from the crowd and into better cover.) VICKI: It'd be pretty silly if they caught you again. STEVEN: Hmm, and you! VICKI: What do you mean? STEVEN: Well, if they find us together they'll know you let me out. (VICKI indicates the Horse.) VICKI: They think I invoked that thing. I'm all right. STEVEN: Yes, only so long as they think it's a gift from the gods. They'll know very differently once the Doctor and company come out of it. VICKI: Do you think he's in it? STEVEN: Well, it's likely, isn't it? I mean he'll be worried about getting back to the TARDIS. VICKI: He must be able to see he's got nothing to worry about. That thing is so rickety it must be full of people. STEVEN: Oh right, you'd do better in the time they had? Now, I wonder why he didn't delay like we asked? VICKI: He must have a plan of escape - to rescue us. Cyclops must have told him where we were. STEVEN: If Cyclops got through. VICKI: Look! (VICKI suddenly notices KATARINA moving through the crowd as if searching for something or someone.) VICKI: That is one of Cassandra's girls. STEVEN: (Whispers.) What? VICKI: That girl, I've seen her with Cassandra. She's a handmaiden at the Temple or something. STEVEN: Then she must be looking for you. Look, you go back. I'll find somewhere to hide around here. VICKI: Look they trust me, I'd... STEVEN: (Interrupting.) Better go! In any case, Troilus will die of jealousy if he knows you're with me. VICKI: And what is that supposed to mean? STEVEN: (Laughs.) Oh come off it, Vicki. The way you two were carrying on back there in the... VICKI: (Interrupts angrily.) Troilus has been very kind to me and I'm very fond of him and if all you can do is make remarks like that... STEVEN: (Laughs.) I'm sorry, I'm sorry! (He sees that VICKI is upset and adopts a more gentle manner.) STEVEN: No really, I am sorry. Okay, but look, if you really are that fond of him, you'd better tell him to get out of the city. VICKI: Why? (She looks again towards the horse and the realisation of what is to come dawns on her.) VICKI: You mean when they come out of that thing they...Steven! STEVEN: It's possible isn't it? Tell him to get out of Troy, just to be on the safe side. (The TARDIS sits small near the looming and ominous Horse.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. CHAMBER OF KING PRIAM'S PALACE (TROILUS comes running into the chamber where PARIS, PRIAM and CASSANDRA are gathered. The noise of the crowd reaches them from outside.) TROILUS: Diomede! He's gone. PARIS: Gone? TROILUS: His cell's empty. The guards were locked in by a trick so they say. CASSANDRA: That Cressida! Troy's doom is nigh! TROILUS: But how could it be? She's one girl! CASSANDRA: (Spits.) A girl you call her, you love sick fool! But I know she's a witch and must be burnt, along with that horse out there. (CASSANDRA suddenly sees VICKI entering the room.) CASSANDRA: See! There she stands. (TROILUS and PARIS both start shouting at once.) TROILUS: ... ! PARIS: Now did you ever see someone so unlike a witch? PRIAM: (Interrupts.) Now, now quiet all of you. (To VICKI, gently.) Come here my child, where have you been? We've been worried about you. VICKI: I've just been out. PRIAM: Yes, but where? TROILUS: Look you didn't free Diomede did you? VICKI: Diomede? PRIAM: Yes - your friend, the Greek prisoner, he has escaped. Did you set him free? PARIS: Oh, that's nonsense. I mean how could she have? CASSANDRA: By sorcery. VICKI: I am not a sorceress - really I'm not. PRIAM: Yes, I...I'll believe you my child, but you must forgive us if we are naturally suspicious. This has been a long and difficult war and peace will take a little bit of getting used to. CASSANDRA: My handmaiden Katarina will stay with her. PRIAM: Very well. Come my children, our people have gone to the square of ot...oratory. We must go and join them there and I must speak. And we must also make plans for the celebration. (To VICKI.) Thank you, my dear, see you later. VICKI: Thank you, thank you for being so kind to me. PRIAM: My dear child, this city owes its salvation to you. (PRIAM and the others depart leaving VICKI alone with KATARINA. VICKI is anguished.) VICKI: Oh no, let it not happen. KATARINA: Did you want something? VICKI: No, thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. WOODEN HORSE (Inside the Horse, the DOCTOR is agitated while ODYSSEUS stares into space.) DOCTOR: How you can sit there so peacefully defeats me, hmm! Have you no feelings, mm? No emotions hmm? ODYSSEUS: I was thinking, Doctor. DOCTOR: Hmm! ODYSSEUS: That with any luck, either Agamemnon or Achilles will not come through. DOCTOR: You mean they'll desert us, hmm? ODYSSEUS: No... DOCTOR: Hmph! ODYSSEUS: ...die. Just a hope. One less finger in the pie, a greater share of the booty for me. DOCTOR: That is a most immoral way of looking at life, hmm! ODYSSEUS: Nonsense! It's the reason that I've been here for ten long years fighting all the time. DOCTOR: Yes, well, I must get out of here at once. ODYSSEUS: You can't. DOCTOR: (Sarcastically.) Ahh! I've only got to pull that lever... (The DOCTOR taps a wooden lever.) DOCTOR: ...and I can get back down into the square. ODYSSEUS: (Laughs.) Yes, yes. But as I happen to be sitting on the rope, you'll fall forty feet and break your neck. DOCTOR: (Shouts.) I will not be party to your schemes! (Quieter.) You forced me to invent this contraption. ODYSSEUS: I'm very glad I did, Doctor. DOCTOR: Hmm? ODYSSEUS: Up to now, it's been very satisfactory. DOCTOR: You had no right to bring me here at all. I'm utterly useless to you. (ODYSSEUS laughs heartily, and sarcastically the DOCTOR joins in.) DOCTOR: You must let me out of here! You're selfish, greedy, corrupt, cheap, horrible. Your one thought is for yourself and what you can get out of it. (ODYSSEUS places a sword at the DOCTOR'S throat. The DOCTOR starts.) ODYSSEUS: Be quiet, old man. DOCTOR: I will not be quiet! You may stay here if you wish to have your insignificant win. Your victory or whatever you call it, but you must let me out of here. ODYSSEUS: One more word out of you and I shall kill you! You would be my first victim in Troy. (The DOCTOR steps away from the hatch and ODYSSEUS lowers his sword.) ODYSSEUS: That's better. About now our ships should be returning...as you planned. (The DOCTOR snorts in a derisory manner.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. CHAMBER IN KING PRIAM'S PALACE (KATARINA is asleep in a chair. VICKI comes down the steps from the balcony as TROILUS enters the chamber.) TROILUS: Cressida. VICKI: Oh! Oh, I'm so glad you've come. TROILUS: I had to see you. VICKI: Troilus, dear Troilus, will you do something for me? TROILUS: Anything. VICKI: Leave the city. TROILUS: Why? VICKI: It's Diomede. TROILUS: Diomede? VICKI: I'm sure he's out on the plain. You've got to go and look for him and find him. If you bring him back you'll prove yourself the warrior you really are, he'll be your prisoner then as well as Paris'. TROILUS: But he may have been rescued by the Greeks by now. VICKI: No no no, Paris said they'd all gone away and that was before he even escaped. TROILUS: (Suspiciously.) Why this concern for Diomede? Is he? Do you? I mean...are you in love with him? VICKI: No, he's just a friend. TROILUS: Then if he's your friend, why do you want him captured? To be a prisoner of war's considered very bad form. VICKI: But... Oh, why won't you see? Go out and search for him on the plain! TROILUS: Cressida, I said I'd do anything for you and a Trojan stands by his word, but please, why do you want me to leave the city and go and search for a highly skilled Greek warrior? VICKI: He isn't armed. I wouldn't send you out there if I thought anything could happen to you. I just want you to...I just want you to catch your own prisoner. TROILUS: Did you mean that? About not wanting me hurt? VICKI: Of course I did, I wouldn't ask you to do it otherwise. TROILUS: Oh, Cressida. VICKI: You haven't got time, you've got to go now. (VICKI'S tears well in her eyes.) TROILUS: Don't worry, everything's going to be all right. (They embrace and TROILUS leaves. VICKI remains tearful) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. MAIN SQUARE OF TROY (NIGHT) (It is night and the city is quiet. A sentry walks past the Horse. After he has gone, a rope descends from the immense wooden horse, and the Greek soldiers drop to the ground. Eventually the DOCTOR comes uncomfortably down the rope followed by ODYSSEUS.) ODYSSEUS: ... ! Come! (As the Greeks move along, they silently kill a sentry.) DOCTOR: Ahh! ODYSSEUS: This plan of yours, Doctor...is going to be a great success. Stay close to me. (ODYSSEUS motions his men and the DOCTOR to move out across the square.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. PLAIN OF TROY (NIGHT) (Outside the walls of Troy, TROILUS is searching frantically.) TROILUS: Diomede! (ACHILLES, who has been watching from behind some rocks, comes into view of the young Trojan.) TROILUS: Diomede where are you! ACHILLES: What ails you, petty Princeling? Lost some plaything? The one you call for is long dead. TROILUS: You're a Greek! I thought you'd sailed away. Who are you? ACHILLES: You should not ask. My name is Achilles. TROILUS: My brother's murderer! ACHILLES: So Prince Troilus, is it? Well, I killed your brother fairly. Fought him man to man. Alas I cannot do the same for you. This would be the murder of a boy! TROILUS: Has Cressida played me false? Very well, I'll fight my brother's murderer for I only live to kill Diomede! ACHILLES: Who is already dead. So follow him, Trojan! (They draw swords and fight ferociously, as they wheel round and round. ACHILLES is surprised by TROILUS' ability and strength for his slender frame but the Trojan is determined to avenge the death of his brother. ACHILLES trips and falls and TROLIUS moves in with his sword and stabs at the Greek. ACHILLES cries out in pain.) TROILUS: So died my brother. (He pushes his sword in again.) TROILUS: The wheel has spun full circle. (He goes to complete the task but ACHILLES, although wounded, manages to strike at TROILUS before he dies. TROLIUS staggers away from the body.) TROILUS: Diomede, I live to call down wrath for love of Cressida. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. MAIN SQUARE OF TROY (NIGHT) (A single Greek soldier pushes open the immense main gates of Troy. As he does so, the Greeks outside pour into the city with a cry.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. CHAMBER IN KING PRIAM'S PALACE (In the palace, PRIAM is pacing nervously as he hears the destruction of his city outside. CASSANDRA waits angrily by the window. A terrified female scream reaches them.) PRIAM: What noise was that? (PARIS can be heard outside the room in a fight. He enters the chamber, bleeding and exhausted.) PARIS: Father! PRIAM: What are you doing? PARIS: It's the Greeks! They were inside the horse and our gates are open to the enemy. CASSANDRA: And none of you would listen to me! (ODYSSEUS enters steeped in triumph, he is enjoying himself. He laughs heartily as his soldiers follow him in. PRIAM, CASSANDRA and PARIS turn to run.) ODYSSEUS: Flee hornets in their nest! (Laughs.) Kill them! (His soldiers run after the King and PARIS as CASSANDRA is thrown into ODYSSEUS' arms and he grabs her laughing.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. TROY (The city is now on fire...) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. MAIN SQUARE OF TROY (The DOCTOR has managed to give the Greeks the slip and has made his way to the TARDIS. VICKI sees him and runs towards him, KATARINA following.) VICKI: Doctor! (She runs into his arms.) VICKI: Oh, Doctor! DOCTOR: Oh, my dear child! (He laughs.) Oh, how lovely to see you! Where have you been all this time, hmm? And where's Steven? (VICKI points across the square.) VICKI: (Frantically.) Doctor he's over there, but I've got to talk to you. DOCTOR: Oh now one thing at a time child. Where's the young man? (VICKI calls over to the waiting handmaiden.) VICKI: Katarina? DOCTOR: Hmm? (The Trojan handmaiden steps forward.) VICKI: Katarina, this is the Doctor. Now go and find the man you call Diomede. He's hiding amongst those pillars over there. KATARINA: You're from the other place? DOCTOR: But who is this child? Now pull yourself together, we've got to go, hmm? VICKI: Katarina, go and find Diomede - he will be there. Bring him to...my temple, quickly. DOCTOR: We must all go and find him, come along! VICKI: No, Doctor, into the TARDIS. Quickly. (She desperately pushes the DOCTOR towards the door of the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Yes, but my dear child, the boy, the boy... VICKI: Open the door and listen to me please! DOCTOR: Yes, yes, but be patient. VICKI: Steven is safe, Katarina will bring him... (The DOCTOR talks over VICKI as he unlocks the TARDIS door.) DOCTOR: Yes I know, patience, patience... VICKI: Come on, I've got to talk to you! (She pushes him into the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE MAIN SQUARE (STEVEN'S hiding place is not safe at all - his Greek soldier's robes have caught the attention of a Trojan warrior and they are fighting. Steven is wounded in the shoulder but another Greek enters the fray and the two move off fighting. STEVEN has fallen to the floor which is where he is found by KATARINA.) KATARINA: Diomede, Cressida has sent me. STEVEN: Who are you? (He is badly wounded and has very little strength left. KATARINA helps him up.) KATARINA: I've come to take you to your temple. Oh, come, quickly. STEVEN: I can't. KATARINA: Lean on me. (She holds the weakened STEVEN and leads him away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. MAIN SQUARE OF TROY (Across the square, the door to the TARDIS opens and VICKI steps sadly out. She walks off. A moment later, the DOCTOR emerges and watches her go.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. CHAMBER IN KING PRIAM'S PALACE. (PRIAM and PARIS lie dead. ODYSSEUS has CASSANDRA by the shoulders and is shaking her violently as she resists.) ODYSSEUS: Stop struggling woman! You are reserved for Agamemnon and he's welcome to you! CASSANDRA: Tricksters! You Greeks will never learn to fight honestly! ODYSSEUS: But we win! CASSANDRA: Not for long. The day will come when you will perish as you made us do! ODYSSEUS: Take her away. (He throws her to his soldiers.) ODYSSEUS: The high-born are reserved for Agamemnon! I can't wait to see him enjoy a talk with this one. CASSANDRA: (Spits.) Ten long years we fought you, Odysseus! And ten long years it'll be before you see your home again! ODYSSEUS: To Agamemnon with her! CASSANDRA: Oh! ODYSSEUS: To his ship. A personal present from me. (CASSANDRA is dragged struggling away.) CASSANDRA: Keep your hands off me! Keep your...hands off me! Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. MAIN SQUARE OF TROY (The DOCTOR helps KATARINA to get STEVEN to the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Now then, you sure it's just the shoulder, hmm? (KATARINA nods.) DOCTOR: Right well, steady, steady, hold tight, hold on. (The DOCTOR steadies STEVEN with KATARINA as he tries to get his key out.) DOCTOR: Yes, Careful, just a minute, careful, careful with him. (He opens the door.) DOCTOR: Oh dear, dear, this business. There we are. Now, come on bring him in...bring him in there. (He points at to the open door of the TARDIS. KATARINA helps the almost unconscious time traveller into the TARDIS. The DOCTOR calls to them from outside.) DOCTOR: Gently, carefully, that's it, that's it, put him on the couch. (As the DOCTOR is about to enter the TARDIS, ODYSSEUS rushes in with his troops with swords drawn. He turns away from the open door.) ODYSSEUS: Stand still old man - or you die! I claim your machine as part of my share! DOCTOR: Share of what? ODYSSEUS: The spoils of war! DOCTOR: Now you stand back. I've gone far enough with you, my Lord Odysseus. You go adventuring on your own. Be off with you! (He laughs and rushes into the TARDIS. ODYSSEUS yells to his soldiers.) ODYSSEUS: Seize it! Come on, move! Quickly...a cart! (The TARDIS begins to dematerialise.) ODYSSEUS: (In a rage.) Doctor! (As ODYSSEUS and the soldiers watch in awe, the ship fades away.) ODYSSEUS: Zeus! (Laughs.) I wonder...were you really Zeus, after all? [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. PLAIN OF TROY (TROILUS is bereft as he watches his beloved city burn in the night.) TROILUS: Cressida! Cressida! Could you have betrayed us? (He almost screams in pain...) TROILUS: Cressida! (He sinks to his knees as someone stands next to him. He looks up and sees VICKI.) VICKI: I came to find you. TROILUS: Cressida what are you doing here. Where's Diomede? VICKI: He's gone...with...another friend that you never met. TROILUS: (Bitterly.) Back to Greece. VICKI: No to...where I come from. You see he wasn't really a Greek, he... (She notices his wounds.) VICKI: Oh, Troilus, you're hurt! TROILUS: Just a bit. (He tries to hide his wound.) VICKI: No, let me look. TROILUS: No, I'll be all right. Look, Cressida, I don't understand? VICKI: I... (She is stuck for an explanation.) VICKI: I don't suppose you ever will. That doesn't matter...so long as you trust me. TROILUS: Trust you! After all... VICKI: (Passionately.) I didn't betray you - that's why I stayed behind, I wanted you to know that I didn't. The main thing is...I belong here now with you - If you'll have me. TROILUS: Cressida... (He looks towards the remains of Troy.) TROILUS: Look what's happened. (VICKI follows his gaze.) VICKI: There's only us now. TROILUS: What do you mean? VICKI: I'll explain someday. I'm sorry. TROILUS: But...but there's nowhere to go. VICKI: We'll find somewhere. TROILUS: Oh, Cressida... (They embrace and kiss. TROILUS suddenly notices some figures moving in the distance.) TROILUS: Cressida, look! (VICKI tries to pull him down out of sight.) VICKI: Be careful, they may be Greeks! TROILUS: It's my cousin! VICKI: Cousin? TROILUS: Yes, Aeneas. Oh, if only he'd come sooner! VICKI: That's it. TROILUS: What? VICKI: He'll help us. TROILUS: (Confused.) But there's...there's nothing left. VICKI: (Smiles.) Yes there is - there's us. We can start again with your cousin's help we can...we can build another Troy! [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (Inside the TARDIS, STEVEN'S condition is worsening as he lies on the divan. The DOCTOR mops his brow while KATARINA stands helplessly by. STEVEN has some kind of infection, he is delirious and tosses and turns. The DOCTOR tuts.) DOCTOR: That's not good, that's not good at all. Hmm! Get help. KATARINA: What help is there in limbo? DOCTOR: What's that, my dear? STEVEN: Vicki... DOCTOR: No, no, no, no, no, keep calm, keep calm. STEVEN: Is she all right? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, she's all right, yes, yes. (STEVEN, in something of a fever, points at KATARINA.) STEVEN: What's she doing over there? DOCTOR: No, no, no that's not Vicki, that's not Vicki, now keep calm. STEVEN: Not Vicki? DOCTOR: Be quiet! (STEVEN starts to struggle.) STEVEN: Where is she? The Trojans'll kill her. You came too soon! DOCTOR: She's all right, she's all right. She wanted to stay. STEVEN: The Greeks...the Greeks...the Trojans... (STEVEN tries to rise from the couch, DOCTOR places a hand on his chest and pushes him back down.) DOCTOR: Keep still. STEVEN: Ahh...Vicki. DOCTOR: She's all right. I know she is. She's gone to find Troilus and she'll be quite all right. This is just what she wanted. Now calm down. Yes, quiet, quiet. STEVEN: (Whispers.) Vicki...Vicki... (He grows quieter.) DOCTOR: Oh... (Sighs.) You'll have to look after that young man. I think he has calmed down. (KATARINA smiles.) KATARINA: Strange god, you bring me peace. DOCTOR: No, I...I don't know what Vicki has advised you, but... KATARINA: Oh, the Priestess Cressida told me all would be well, and I knew it was to come. DOCTOR: What was to come my dear? KATARINA: That I was to die. DOCTOR: (Shocked.) My dear child you're not dead! That's nonsense. Hmm? (KATARINA looks round the console room.) KATARINA: This is not Troy. This is not even the world. This is the Journey through the Beyond. DOCTOR: Well, as you wish... KATARINA: Thank you. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, as you wish my child. Now I want you to keep an eye on that young man will you. Hmm? KATARINA: Yes, great god. DOCTOR: His name is Steven. Oh...and remember Katarina, you must call me Doctor. KATARINA: Oh, as you wish, Doc... DOCTOR: I'm not a Doc. I am not a god. Oh, my dear Vicki, I hope you'll be all right, hmm? (His voice is overcome with emotion.) DOCTOR: I shall miss you child. Oh, hmm! (He suddenly remembers their present acute situation.) DOCTOR: (Worried.) Oh yes, now those drugs, those drugs, what am I going to do? I must stop somewhere. But how? I've got to, yes! I must! I must! (The DOCTOR steps over to the console.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. TROY (In the remains of Troy, the Wooden Horse stands aloft...)
doc_238	LUCAS: Mom! [LUCAS' HOUSE. KAREN is working at the table. LUCAS walks into the room, whering a robe and a towel around his neck, shampoo still in his hair] LUCAS: Mom, did you forget to pay the water bill? KAREN: No, of course I paid the water bill. [She sees LUCAS and walks over to the sink and tries the water there. It doesn't work] See? This is what we need the emergency Visa for. Something must've broken. I'll take care of it. Come on, lets get you rinsed. [LUCAS leans over the sink and KAREN pours a water jug over his head. She laughs] LUCAS: How is this funny, Mom? KAREN: How is this not funny? [THE SCOTT'S HOUSE. DAN and NATHAN walk into the kitchen to find a WOMAN preparing a salad] WOMAN: Hey. Check it out. It's called 'dinner.' DAN: Who is that lady? Is that my wife? [NATHAN looks pleasantly surprised] DAN: I didn't think you were getting back until Monday. WOMAN: I wasn't. Until I sweet talked Ziodex into doubling their 'Gift to AIDS' research. It took me all of one meeting. DAN: Wow, I'm impressed. You sure you don't want to quit saving the world and come sell cars with me? DEB: Mmm, thanks, but I like the Frequent Flyer miles. [DEB walks over to NATHAN and gives him a hug] DEB: Hey. How's my boy? NATHAN: I have warm-ups, Mom. DEB: Oh, come on, sit. Dinner's almost ready and I haven't seen you from weeks. NATHAN: I can't. I got to go. Don't wait up. DAN: Nathan. Remember what I told you. He can't shoot if he doesn't have the ball. [THE GYM. The RAVENS are all gathered around WHITEY and the cheerleaders are chanting] WHITEY: Damnit, this is a team, not a Chinese fire grill. Scott, you're plain selfish. Get out there and pretend you know each other. TIM: Ravens on three. One! Two! Three! TEAM: Ravens! WHITEY: Lets go, lets go, lets go! [THE GYM. PEYTON and BROOKE are supposed to be cheering off to the side] BROOKE: Hey, can I catch a ride with you to Nathan's party later. PEYTON: I didn't think you were going. I figured you'd be hiding out in Lucas' back seat again. BROOKE: Jealous. PEYTON: No. BROOKE: What? I could see it. You're both so broody. You could brood together. [THE GYM. The game's going on. As they play, the announcer's announcing] ANNOUNCER: Now the Ravens in bound with the ball. Looks like they're trying to isolate Nathan Scott on the baseline. The Masenberg defense tightens on him. Scott battles through, still working hard to get open down there. Now Tim Smith, with the ball, working over on the wing. He's dribbling, looking for Nathan underneath, but he's not there. And now- Oh! Oh! A cross court pass putting Lucas Scott over the basket. [KAREN'S in the audience. She's grinning. DAN, on the other hand, is not] ANNOUNCER: So much for the putty grip on that one as the Ravens fall back on the bench. NATHAN: [Screaming at TIM] What was that? ANNOUNCER: And I tell you what, Lucas Scott is really starting to gel with this team. [THE GYM. The game's over, and most of the people have already filtered out. NATHAN and TIM are walking across the gym, and NATHAN'S angry] TIM: He had a better angle. I'm sorry. Nathan, come on, Man. I'm just trying to win. [THE GYM. KAREN'S standing with LUCAS] KAREN: So are you excited? LUCAS: What? That we won? KAREN: No, because there's running water in the locker room. We're gonna be roughing it until tomorrow. [LUCAS laughs] LUCAS: It's okay... [THE GYM. NATHAN walks up to DAN] NATHAN: What's up, Dad? [DAN looks at him then walks away. DEB walks up to NATHAN] DEB: Nice game, sweetie. [NATHAN looks toward the direction in which DAN walked away] NATHAN: Try telling that to Dad. [As NATHAN walks over to LUCAS, he hears a woman say to her son "I'm proud of you. I'll see you later"] NATHAN: Two decent games in a row, man. Getting better or just lucky? [Pause] Team's got a party tonight. My parents' beach house. LUCAS: Why are you tell me that? NATHAN: Because I said the team, didn't I? [Pause] Look, it's kind of the off season. Might as well deal with it. [THEME SONG PLAYS] [A STREET AT NIGHT. LUCAS is driving the Body Shop truck and HALEY'S sitting in the passenger street] HALEY: The guys kidnapped you, trashed your court, threatened you with bodily harm. Party, yeah. Sure, why not? LUCAS: Okay, listen, I know it's all a setup, alright? But I'm not gonna let him screw with me. Whatever he dishes out he's going to get back double. HALEY: Do you think maybe- I mean, just maybe- he's had a change of heart? LUCAS: Hmm. That requires a heart. [THE STREET IN FRONT OF NATHAN'S PARENTS' BEACH HOUSE. PEYTON pulls to a stop. BROOKE'S in the passenger seat] BROOKE: Every time I ride with you, I swear I'm never going to do it again. [PEYTON gets out of the car, and BROOKE follows] BROOKE: Keys? PEYTON: Tempt fate. [TIM walks up to PEYTON] TIM: Peyton. You've got to talk to him. Lucas had the better shot. You saw it, right? BROOKE: Tim? Are you being pathetic? [TIM rolls his eyes and turns around just as LUCAS' truck pulls to a stop] TIM: What's he doing here? [NATHAN walks over] NATHAN: I invited him. I mean, since you guys are such great friends now. PEYTON: What are you trying to pull? NATHAN: Nothing. [LUCAS and HALEY get out of the truck and walk over] NATHAN: I wasn't sure you'd come. LUCAS: That makes two of us. NATHAN: [To HALEY] Hi. I'm Nathan Scott. [He holds out his hand and HALEY shakes it] HALEY: Um, yeah, I know, I'm Haley. [NATHAN walks inside with LUCAS and HALEY, passing PEYTON on the way. She looks suspicious] [INSIDE THE BEACH HOUSE. NATHAN, PEYTON, BROOKE, and TIM walk into a room] BROOKE: Tonight's gonna be great. [TIM smiles and the four walk past the camera, right as LUCAS enters. He's looking around. HALEY whistles] HALEY: Well. I bet their plumbing works. [LUCAS laughs] HALEY: I'm just saying... LUCAS: Alright, thanks. HALEY: Yeah. [BROOKE walks up to TIM, PEYTON, and NATHAN, and another guy and girl who are standing elsewhere in the room. BROOKE'S holding a newspaper] BROOKE: Have you guy's seen this? GIRL: Uh-uh. BROOKE: The High School Fearleader. It's a comic strip. [Pause] Wait, this is insulting, right? GUY: My dog can draw better than this. BROOKE: Really, what guy keeps his hat on during sx? [NATHAN looks at PEYTON] BROOKE: Who is this socky person anyway? NATHAN: [Still looking at PEYTON] Yeah, I wonder. PEYTON: It's just a stupid comic strip. Who cares, right? BROOKE: It's more like sucky. Whoever it is doesn't know the first thing about it. It's like so... LUCAS: Shallow? [PEYTON looks at LUCAS] PEYTON: Where's the keg? [NATHAN'S ROOM. As DAN passes the door, he noticed DEB is in there. He steps in] DAN: You okay? DEB: He used to ask before he put stuff up. Now... I don't even know what he's interested in. [Pause] Besides basketball. DAN: Basketball. Yeah, seems like it changes from day to day. DEB: Mmm. [Pause] He talks to you, Dan. How's he been doing? DAN: Well, he's holding up considering Whitey's moved him out of his position, but it's probably temporary. DEB: I asked you how he is, not how he's playing. It must be confusing for him with Lucas on the team now. [Pause] Were we going to talk about that? DAN: I think that's probably temporary too. DEB: You think or you wish? [Pause] Um I, I saw Karen at the game tonight, but then... I've never really spoken to her. DAN: I know this is hard on you, Deb. DEB: No, not really. I think it's harder for you and Nathan. [BEACH HOUSE PARTY. LUCAS and HALEY are walking] HALEY: So, I know you're like, having the time of your life, but can we please make like a tree and get out of here? LUCAS: We just got here. HALEY: Whatever. You let me know when you've proved your point. I'm going to go to one of the eighteen bathrooms in this place. LUCAS: Gonna be back in five? HALEY: Yeah. LUCAS: Alright [HALEY leaves] RANDOM GUY: Hey, good game, man. LUCAS: Hey, thanks. [LUCAS walks into the dining room, where BROOKE, NATHAN, PEYTON and a few others are playing a game] BROOKE: Lucas. Come play. LUCAS: What's the game? BROOKE: I never... GUY: And yet apparently you have. BROOKE: Shut up, Vegas. NATHAN: Alright. So the game is, we all take turns saying things that we've never done, and anybody at the table who has...bam! [NATHAN holds out a cup] LUCAS: Drinks. [NATHAN nods] LUCAS: Yeah. [LUCAS takes the cup from NATHAN and takes a sip] NATHAN: Alright, Theresa, you're up. THERESA: Okay. Lets see. I've never... had sx with anything made out of plastic. [BROOKE takes a sip and everyone laughs] BROOKE: Okay, my turn. I've never... no I did that, um... [BROOKE laughs] NATHAN: Alright. My turn. Oh, lets see. Um... I've never... I've never had a dad who wished I was a stain on the bed sheets. [PEOPLE laugh, somewhat uncomfortably. PEYTON looks at LUCAS. LUCAS glares at NATHAN, then walks over to NATHAN. He places his cup in front of him] LUCAS: Then you're welcome to mine. [NATHAN laughs. BROOKE and PEYTON look after LUCAS, worried] [A BATHROOM door. PEYTON goes to open it] VOICE: Hang on a minute. [PEYTON lets go and a toilet flushes. HALEY comes out] HALEY: Sorry. [She starts to walk by PEYTON[ PEYTON: How's the tutoring going? [HALEY stops] PEYTON: You're tutoring Nathan, right? [Pause] It's okay. He tells me everything. HALEY: Yeah. You know, he um... said he needed some help. PEYTON: Maybe you could teach him to stop being such a jackass. HALEY: I will... put that on my lesson plan. PEYTON: Just be careful, okay. HALEY: Yeah... sure. [HALEY starts to walk away] PEYTON: Does Lucas know you're helping Nathan? [HALEY doesn't answer] PEYTON: You know... you say a lot when you keep your mouth shut. HALEY: I'm... okay. PEYTON: I keep mine shut too. [A ROOM full of trophies. HALEY picks up a picture, and LUCAS knocks down another] HALEY: What happened? LUCAS: Oh, same old crap. You know, he thinks that if he keeps hammering me, I'll quit the team. HALEY: Oh. What did he do this time? LUCAS: He made some feeble comment. Not gonna let it get to me. HALEY: Yeah, obviously that's working out for you. [LUCAS laughs] HALEY: Luke... have you guys ever actually talked? LUCAS: Yeah, sure. We trade emails too. HALEY: I'm just saying you're so hypersensitive around each other. And... I get it. I just think that maybe everything he says, you take the wrong way, and vice versa. LUCAS: Okay, there is no misunderstanding what he said. And why are you defending him? HALEY: I'm, I'm just, I'm trying to bring some perspective. I mean...It's a really screwing situation and I'm sure having you around isn't any easier for him than it is for you and I think maybe if you guys could just talk... LUCAS: Okay, tell me that I'm not hearing this. HALEY: Then what are you doing here, Lucas? Obviously, you're looking for something, right? LUCAS: I'm not going to let him win. HALEY: Fine. Don't let him win. I'm gonna go. [HALEY starts to leave] LUCAS: Haley! HALEY: Nope. [As HALEY walks out of the room, she runs into NATHAN] NATHAN: Are you leaving? HALEY: Nathan...we had a deal. You promised you were gonna be nice. NATHAN: I- I am nice. I invited him to this stinking party, didn't I? HALEY: Well, what for? So you could pick on him in public? What did you say anyway? NATHAN: Oh, man. Is that what- I made a lame joke. I mean, look, the guys... sometimes we get kind of raw with each other. I was just trying to include him. He took it the wrong way. HALEY: Well, maybe you need to rethink your approach. NATHAN: Well, you're his friend. How do I handle this? HALEY: It's easy, stop being such a... [Whispered] joke. [THE PORCH OF THE BEACH HOUSE. LUCAS walks outside and PEYTON'S sitting on a swinging chair] PEYTON: He really slammed you. LUCAS: I don't care what he thinks. PEYTON: Neither do I. LUCAS: Oh yeah? Then why are you drinking? [PEYTON takes another sip] [THE DOOR TO THE PORCH. NATHAN walks by and sees LUCAS with PEYTON. He sees Tim at the video cabinet] TIM: Nathan! I can't believe your parents don't have any decent p0rn. NATHAN: Wait. I've got something. [He joins TIM at the video cabinet and hands TIM a movie] NATHAN: Put that in. GUY: What is it? NATHAN: It's a comedy. [THE PORCH. LUCAS is kneeling across from PEYTON, talking to her] LUCAS: So I'm confused. You want to be anonymous...and you let the world watch you on a web cam. PEYTON: The world isn't watching me... but I guess you are. LUCAS: Okay, the point is... you want to express yourself but you don't want people to know it's you. PEYTON: I guess I'm just a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a @#%$. LUCAS: Or maybe just a tortured artist. PEYTON: Look, I don't need you defending me and my work. I don't need you analyzing it or interpreting me either. And in fact, I'm pretty sure I don't need you at all. LUCAS: Pretty sure? [LUCAS freezes as he hears his mother's name inside] [TELEVISION. There's video tape playing, showing KAREN and DAN as Prom King and Queen] WOMAN: Tree Hill High's Snowball Court King and Queen, Daniel Scott and Karen Roe. Karen, what's the secret to your success? [LUCAS and PEYTON walk in. LUCAS is upset] KAREN: Um, the secret to our success. Hmm. I don't know. Good question. Dan? DAN: Good s*x! [The audience laughs] KAREN: Be serious. WOMAN: Karen, do you think you guys will get married? KAREN: DO I think Dan and I will get married? Hmm... who knows. I mean... BROOKE: Oh my god, the hair! KAREN: But he really is the sweetest guy in the whole world. So I'm thinking, yes. Come visit us in 10 years and I bet you can meet the kids and get a tour of our big house and see how happy we are. TIM: Who's the girl? WOMAN: Okay ladies and gentleman, there's your Prom King and Queen, Dan Scott and Karen Roe. LUCAS: That's my mom. NATHAN: At least their dreams came true for one of them, right? LUCAS: Yeah, except for the happy part, right? [LUCAS slams NATHAN against a wall as he walks by. NATHAN and his friends laugh, but BROOKE and PEYTON don't] [SCENE_BREAK] [THE PIER BY THE WATER AT THE BEACH HOUSE. HALEY'S sitting on the railing when NATHAN comes up] NATHAN: I thought you left. HALEY: Yeah, uh, I tried to. If the stupid cab would ever get here. NATHAN: Well, I'm glad you stayed. [Pause] I want to thank you for holding back? HALEY: What do you mean? NATHAN: Jerk is pretty tame. You could've called me a lot worse. I probably deserved it. HALEY: Look, I've been thinking a lot about this tutoring thing. [Pause] I'm sorry. I don't, I just don't think it's a good idea. NATHAN: Because of Lucas? HALEY: Well, obviously, yeah. I don't know what I was thinking. There's no good that can possibly come of this. NATHAN: Really? I thought I saw you guys fight back there. HALEY: Meaning what, that I should keep tutoring you to stick it to him? Maybe that's how they do things in Nathan land, but I'm not going to do that to my best friend. NATHAN: Maybe you're doing me a favor then. HALEY: What does that mean? NATHAN: Sometimes I think it would be easier if I got kicked off the team. Especially with my dad. HALEY: I should go find, um, Lucas, and just, just try and smooth things over. NATHAN: He left a while ago. [HALEY nods] HALEY: Great. Well, I guess I'm walking. [THE STREET BY THE FRONT OF THE BEACH HOUSE. NATHAN and HALEY emerge next to the stairs] NATHAN: Let me give you a ride. HALEY: It's not that far. NATHAN: Forget it, you're not going to walk. We'll take Peyton's car. HALEY: I- I'm really fine. NATHAN: You're a little high on yourself, aren't you? Going around telling people you're all fine. Look, please, at least take the ride. It's the least I can do. [HALEY gets in the car and NATHAN shuts the door] [THE SCOTT'S HOUSE. DAN is in the living room, watching a game. DEB comes in] DEB: Dan. We should talk. [DEB grabs the remote and turns the TV off] DEB: You know, I try to let these things roll off my back. You shut down and walk out mid-conversation. I swallow it and let it churn around in my stomach until it makes me sick. DAN: What? Because I don't want to rehash Karen and her son for the ten-thousandth time? Frankly, I'm talked out. DEB: It's about Nathan. DAN: What about him? DEB: He's just so surly and distant lately and I fell powerless to do anything about it. And the way you're pressuring him since Lucas joined the team seems to make it worse. DAN: Me? Did you ever stop to think the problem was you? DEB: Oh. DAN: Maybe if you cared to spend more time at home DEB: I'm gone ten days out of the month, tops. DAN: And when you are here, you work 'til all hours. DEB: And you want to know why, Dan? Let me tell you. Because ever since you started this basketball thing, I feel like you've slowly been stealing him from me. You've made me feel irrelevant. I go out and I raise money for good causes and I matter out there. But at home you shut me out of his life. DAN: Shut you out? Work has always come first with you? DEB: That is not fair. You know how hard I've tried to balance both. But, I swear to God, I never would've done it if I knew how he'd turn out. DAN: He's a good kid. DEB: Based on what? His scoring average? DAN: Deb, I just want what's best for our son, what makes him happy. DEB: Well, then, something's not working, Dan. Because that kid I saw tonight is anything but happy. [DEB leaves] [BEACH HOUSE PARTY. BROOKE stumbles down the stairs drunk] BROOKE: Don't let me have another beer unless I beg you. The same goes for beers. [Pause] What are you doing? PEYTON: Just wondering if we're all going to end up like Karen. BROOKE: Who is Karen? PEYTON: That's Lucas' mom BROOKE: Not without proper birth control we won't. PEYTON: That's not what I meant. She was our age when that tape was made, Brooke. We're just like her. Don't you think it was awful how she just let Nathan's dad treat her like crap? BROOKE: Yeah. But honey, that doesn't mean we're like her. Maybe it mean's you're like her. [IN FRONT OF HALEY'S HOUSE. HALEY and NATHAN are still in PEYTON'S car. HALEY has taken the hat she was wearing earlier off] HALEY: Yeah, this is my house. Um, we're staying here while we renovate the mansion NATHAN: It's not like I was trying to show off. HALEY: Isn't that your default setting. [Pause] Sorry. NATHAN: Can I be honest with you? HALEY: Uh, yeah. I don't know. You tell me. NATHAN: What I said at the beach... that was a lie. I'm really lucky to have basketball. It's pretty much my shell to everything from here on out. If I lose it, it's over for me. HALEY: So, don't lose it. NATHAN: Well, that's just the thing. With my grades, I'm close to being ineligible to do the one thing that I'm actually good at. It's not just my life, either. It's my dad's, too. It's like he's still got something to prove to Whitey. And if I screw it up, it's gonna destroy him. [Pause] And it will destroy me. Look, I know you have no reason to do this, and I know it's just going to complicate things with Lucas, but [Pause] I really need your help. HALEY: And I will find you someone else. I promise. NATHAN: No. I came to you because you're the best tutor at the school. And you're not going to tear me down. It's not exactly easy having everybody know you're failing. It's you or nobody else. HALEY: I... [Pause] Okay. I will, um... I will get you through the semester. [Pause] And then you've got to be on your own. I'm serious. NATHAN: That's totally fine with me. HALEY: Okay, um... great, so we'll start on Monday. [Pause] Lay off Lucas. [HALEY gets out of the car and NATHAN sighs] [A STREET. Just as LUCAS is pulling to a stop in the Body Shop truck, he sees PEYTON'S car fly by. He follows is. As NATHAN changes the radio station, he crashes into a parked car and ruins PEYTON'S car. LUCAS jumps out of his truck, thinking PEYTON was driving] LUCAS: Peyton! You okay? [NATHAN gets out] NATHAN: Yeah, she's fine. Can't say the same for her car though. [NATHAN pulls a bag out of the car] NATHAN: And what the hell were you doing following my girlfriend? LUCAS: I wasn't. Look, I thought she was driving and she was drinking. [NATHAN starts to leave] LUCAS: Hey, where are you going? NATHAN: Back to the party, dumbass. LUCAS: What, are you gonna leave her car like this? NATHAN: Yeah, and if you stand there you can watch me. LUCAS: You know this is a crime. NATHAN: So call the cops. LUCAS: Nathan, you can't walk away from this. [Pause] I saw you do it. NATHAN: No you didn't see me do it. Because I was with Tim the whole time. Which is exactly what he's going to say if anybody asks him. He owes me. [Pause] So it looks like its your word against ours now. You can guess how that's going to go down. LUCAS: So you're just going to lie and walk away. What about Peyton? You know, your girlfriend? The car's registered in her name. NATHAN: Yeah, and you know what? Come to think of it, like you said, she was really drunk last night. Maybe she did this. But then again, all I see is a wrecked car... and you. [NATHAN walks away, leaving LUCAS with the car] [BODY SHOP. KEITH and LUCAS are looking at PEYTON'S car] KEITH: Hit and run, huh? That's beautiful. I could lose my license for this. LUCAS: I didn't know what else do. He just walked away. KEITH: You wanna tell me what it is with you and this girl? Huh? That you're willing to break the law for her? Nobody is worth that. LUCAS: I couldn't let Nathan get away with it the way he does everything else. And I sure as well could let him do that to her. KEITH: Okay. What about the guys car you hit? Huh? He just gets screwed over? LUCAS: I left him a note. I said I did it. Bring his car here. KEITH: Oh, well, that's just great. Lucas, you know I'm already struggling to bring in paying customers. LUCAS: Look, I'll do the work myself, alright? After hours. And I'll pay for the materials. KEITH: Oh, you're damn right you will. Your mom's going to love this. LUCAS: No. She's got enough to deal with. You don't have to tell her. KEITH: Oh, I'm not going to. You are. And if you don't, then I will. Because you're going to take something away from this. [Pause] Cover the car. I'll give you a ride home. [KEITH walks away and LUCAS goes to cover the car. In the front passenger seat he finds HALEY'S hat] [KAREN'S CAFÉ. KAREN is on the phone with a plumber] KAREN: I want to have a pipe replaced. I don't want to send your kids to college. [Pause] Fine. I'll do it myself. [KAREN hangs up and picks up a "How To" book. The door opens] KAREN: I'm sorry. We're just closing. DEB: I was hoping to get a coffee. To go. [KAREN pours DEB a cup of coffee] KAREN: Anything else? DEB: A biscotti. KAREN: $3.20. [DEB starts to walk away] KAREN: Hey. [DEB turns around] You tell Dan that if he wants to spy on me or threaten me or whatever the hell this is, he can come down and do it himself. DEB: Dan didn't send me. I came on my own. KAREN: So it's a coincidence. DEB: No. I wanted you to know... everything that happened between you and Dan, I don't carry that weight around and I don't care to. Frankly, it looks to me like you've done a wonderful job raising Lucas. I've seen the two of you together, and quite honestly, it makes me a bit jealous. Look. Our two families...it's really awkward. I'm not deluded enough to believe otherwise. I know how it is with you and Dan and our two boys. There's a lot of history there. But it doesn't have to be our history. [NATHAN'S BEACH HOUSE. PEYTON'S watching the prom video when NATHAN gets in. It's at the part where the woman asks Karen if she and Dan will get married] PEYTON: You reinvented cruel tonight. NATHAN: [Defensive] It was a joke! PEYTON: Funny how you're the only one laughing. NATHAN: Like you and your stupid comic strip. [Pause] I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. PEYTON: I'm sorry is getting a little old with you, Nathan. NATHAN: I know. I just can't remember a time when thing's were this bad. PEYTON: Where have you been for the past two hours. NATHAN: I went on a beer run. PEYTON: To where? Canada? Nathan, I wanted to go home. But I can't because it seems my car's missing. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? NATHAN: Uh... I think Tim took it. PEYTON: You think? NATHAN: Well, he wanted to take Brooke home, so I told him he could take it. I didn't think you'd care. [PEYTON grabs a plastic cup] PEYTON: I never told a ridiculous lie to my girlfriend's face. [She holds the cup out to NATHAN] Drink up. Because Brooke got a ride home with Theresa after you disappeared. Wanna play again? NATHAN: Alright, so then it was some other girl. I don't know. What's the big deal anyway? I knew you were going to stay here. PEYTON: So you gave away my car? NATHAN: Look, whatever. I'm going to bed. Are you coming? PEYTON: Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do. I cannot believe you just asked me that with a straight face. [PEYTON turns around so she doesn't have to look at him] [LUCAS' HOUSE. KAREN'S taking off her coat as LUCAS sits down, having looked at HALEY'S hat again] KAREN: You will not believe the night I had tonight. LUCAS: Yeah, me too. KAREN: What's going on? Well, turns out fixing the water mane is not a big deal. I just have to pick up a pipe at the hardware store in the morning. And then if you help me dig out where the break is I think we can fix this ourselves. LUCAS: So now I'm digging ditches? KAREN: You mind telling me what happened before you destroy what's left of my table? LUCAS: Did you know you could fit this whole house into the living room of their place at the beach? KAREN: No. Why would you even go there? LUCAS: Because I love getting dumped on. KAREN: Well, you don't have to put up with that. You could just walk away. LUCAS: Like you. KAREN: Excuse me? LUCAS: You know, you never told me that you had this whole thing mapped out with Dan. That you even ever talked about marriage before you were pregnant with me. All you ever said was that he found out and took off. KAREN: Wait. Where did you hear this? LUCAS: Those guys... Nathan, Nathan and his @#%$ of a father. They do whatever they want. And they screw everybody else in the process. And yet you and I... we stand by and we let them? You should've made him give us what we were entitled to so that we didn't have to live like this. You should've made him pay. KAREN: Luke... what happened tonight? LUCAS: I learned something, that's all. Everybody has secrets. [Pause] Right Mom? [THE BEACH HOUSE. It's early morning, and PEYTON'S awoken by a knock on the door] PEYTON: [Screaming] Nathan! [He doesn't respond and PEYTON sees TIM at the door. She gets up to answer it] TIM: Hey, what's up? PEYTON: Did you bring my car back? TIM: Your car? Uh, I don't have your car. PEYTON: Nathan said you took my car. [NATHAN walks up behind PEYTON, giving TIM a look] TIM: Oh, um, your car. We, um, we, uh... PEYTON: Nice try. [To NATHAN] Where the hell is my car? [OUTSIDE LUCAS' HOUSE. He's digging. KAREN walks outside] KAREN: You calm enough to talk? LUCAS: Sorry I went off. I was pissed and you were in the line of fire. KAREN: It's usually when the truth comes out. LUCAS: Yeah, well, the truth is, I'm the reason you never got what you wanted. So that kind of nullifies my right to complain. [LUCAS sits down on the step and KAREN follows suit] KAREN: Is that what you think? I got exactly what I want, Lucas. Everybody seems to think that I'm some kind of victim. I chose this. And if I had to do it over, you and I would still be having this conversation. LUCAS: Yeah, I know, I just... I hate to see them get away with it, Dan and Nathan, you know. They should've helped you out. It's not fair. KAREN: I'm glad he never offered. Because at the time, I honestly don't know what I would've said. But I can tell you this much, Lucas. If he had given us money, he'd have felt entitled to have a say in how you were being raised and I think that that would've been a bigger price to pay. [Pause] You've seen how Nathan's turned out. LUCAS: Like father, like son. KAREN: So who do you think we should feel sorry for? Ourselves or them? [THE SCOTT'S HOUSE. DAN walks in] DAN: Hey. DEB: Still not home. DAN: Oh he will be. DEB: I take it this isn't the first time you've let him stay out all night? DAN: Oh, I don't want to smother him, Deb. He's a responsible, disciplined kid. DEB: Is he? Hmm. Your brother just called. Our responsible, disciplined kid got into a hit and run last night. In Peyton's car. DAN: Is he okay? DEB: Oh, he's not hurt. But do you want to know what he did afterwards? He walked away and tried to dump it on Lucas. [DAN sighs] DAN: Well, I'll talk to him. DEB: You'll talk to him. [Pause] Is that all you have to say? DAN: What do you want me to say? DEB: I don't know anymore. But I'll tell you one thing. Seems to me you and Nathan have gotten a little too comfortable when I'm not around. So I'm cutting back at the foundation. Fewer hours and no more travel. [Pause] Try not to look so disappointed. DAN: Come on, Deb, you don't have to do this. DEB: I don't have to? Or you don't want me to? [NATHAN walks in and they look at him] NATHAN: What? [THE BODY SHOP. LUCAS walks in] KEITH: Hey, you're still alive. Guess you didn't tell your mom about your little crime spree yet, huh? LUCAS: This morning. She's working on my punishment now. KEITH: Good. You recognize that car over there? [LUCAS looks. There's a red car, scratched all the way down the side] KEITH: The owner got your note. I talked him out of pressing charges. LUCAS: Thanks, Keith. KEITH: Lets just get this done, okay? So we can get back to billing for the work we do. [NATHAN walks in] LUCAS: What do you want? KEITH: I, uh, suspect his parents sent him. LUCAS: You told them? KEITH: Yeah. You may be willing to let him get away with it but I'm not. [Pause] Try not to kill each other, girls. [KEITH leaves and LUCAS walks over to NATHAN] NATHAN: Peyton wants to know when she's going to get her car back. LUCAS: When it's fixed. NATHAN: How much is the work going to cost? LUCAS: I don't know. A lot. Why? NATHAN: Give me the invoice when it's done. My dad will right a check. LUCAS: No thanks. NATHAN: I said we'll pay you. LUCAS: You want to pay me? You stay away from me. NATHAN: Suit yourself. [NATHAN starts to walk away] LUCAS: Hey, whatever you're up to... [NATHAN stops and looks at LUCAS] LUCAS: Stay the hell away from Haley. NATHAN: We're just talking man. You know, kind of like you and Peyton. [LUCAS glares at NATHAN as he exits] [PEYTON'S ROOM. She's working on a drawing when NATHAN walks in] NATHAN: Car will be ready by Friday. PEYTON: Whatever. The bag of stuff by the door is yours. NATHAN: What's all this? PEYTON: It's all the crap you've left here. Take it. [NATHAN picks something up] NATHAN: This is the necklace I gave you. PEYTON: You mean the leash? No thanks. NATHAN: Peyton, come on. [NATHAN walks over to her] NATHAN: Look, my mom's gong to cool down and everything will be back to normal. [PEYTON gets up] PEYTON: Okay, trust me, the last thing I want with us is normal. In case you haven't noticed, normal sucks with us, Nathan. NATHAN: Peyton, is this about your car? Because I'm taking car of that. PEYTON: It's not about the car. It's about you. I finally saw you clearly for the first time last night. The way you treated me, the way you treated Tim, the way you treated your brother. NATHAN: Don't call him that. PEYTON: And the way you're playing that girl. NATHAN: What? [Pause] Are you talking about Haley? Is that what this is about? Peyton, she means nothing. PEYTON: [Angrily] Okay, if that's the case, then you're an @#%$. And eveb if she does mean something, you're still an @#%$ and what's really sad, Nathan, is that you're too stupid to get that. So thank you for being such an amazing son of a @#%$ last night. You really made this a no-brainer. NATHAN: I'll call you when you're not so PMS. PEYTON: Don't bother. I mean it. We're done. So get the hell out. [NATHAN stares at her] PEYTON: [Angrily, throwing the bag at him] I mean it! Get the hell out! [NATHAN leaves in shock. Peyton collapses onto her bed] [NATHAN'S ROOM. He's looking at the necklace] [HALEY'S ROOM. She's laying on her bed] [PEYTON'S ROOM. She's sitting up, sketching a red streetlight] [THE BODY SHOP. LUCAS is sitting in PEYTON'S car, reading her comic strip in the newspaper] [KAREN'S CAFÉ. HALEY is scrubbing the counter when LUCAS walks in] HALEY: Hey, I was beginning to think I would never see you again. You're avoiding me, right? LUCAS: A little. HALEY: Luke, I was just trying to help. You just like, jumped down my throat. We've always been able to talk about stuff, you know. I just had this crazy idea that if... you could see things from Nathan's side... [Sigh] You're just a real pain in the butt sometimes. [HALEY squirts LUCAS with a water bottle playfully] LUCAS: Yeah. At least we can still be honest with each other. HALEY: Yeah. At least. LUCAS: So, if anything were going on with you... anything important or weird, or confusing... I mean, you could still be honest with me about that, right? HALEY: Yeah, of course. [LUCAS tosses HALEY'S hat onto the counter] LUCAS: You left that in Peyton's car. [LUCAS leaves and HALEY looks after him, upset]
doc_239	At the murder scene Jane: Oh, it's lovely. Lisbon: It's a crime scene. Jane: It's a lovely crime scene. Rigsby: Hey. Couple joggers found our John Doe on their morning run. Body's still pretty fresh, so it must've happened last night. No signs of an entry or exit wound means cause was probably a blunt force trauma to the head . Lisbon: And they brought in the grown-ups because they couldn't decide whose sandbox it was? Rigsby: Right. Body's right on the city line. The only thing they can agree on is that it was a carJacking gone wrong. Wallet, watch, wedding band- everything gone. Jane looks at the body and finds a cuff link Jane: Oh, not everything. Kkiller would have been very frustrated to not be able to take this. Lisbon: Looks like a wheel. Jane: Motorcycle wheel. Lisbon: I don't buy it as a carJacking. maybe the murderer was covering it up as one, but if you're after someone's car and valuables, you grab and bolt. You don't waste time taking off a cuff link. Rigsby: A gunshot or a stab wound Is more likely than a beating. Lisbon: Beating like this takes time. The murder was personal. Jane: No surprise there. The haircut, the suit, the cologne- This man had enemies. Rigsby: His cologne tells you he had enemies? Jane: Sure. okay, confrontional. Finishing touch on a wardrobe that says, "pay attention. show respect." This was an extrovert tough guy, a professional, a backroom politician or a lawyer, a fixer, the type that's good with people, making people do things they maybe don't want to do. Lisbon: Uh, what he is, is useless until we know who he is. Jane: Well, I can do that, too. He finds a headset Rigsby: Oh, no, Jane. I, uh, I checked. the phone's not on him. Jane: The signal light's still on. Phone's in range. Lisbon: His assailant probably threw it in the trees. What are you doing? Jane: I'm making a call. Lisbon: But you don't have the phone. Jane: I have my voice. Lisbon: You still need the phone. Want to use the voice activation? You need its names and numbers. Jane: There is one name programmed into every phone, particularly into one belonging to a middle-aged man that was wearing a wedding band. Home. The cell phone rings Woman: Hello? Jane: Hello. This is Patrick Jane from the California Bureau of Investigation. I was wondering if you knew a man 6-feet tall, mid 40s, salt and pepper hair, gray custom-made suit, weighing about 192, give or take? Woman: That's my husband Gordon Hodge. Jane: Gordon Hodge, hmm. Woman: You said you're from CBI? Is something wrong? Jane: Uh, just a sec. (He gives headset to Lisbon) It's for you. The team is Hodge's home Nina Hodge: I knew something like this would happen, sooner or later. Lisbon: Well, was your husband having some sort of trouble lately? Nina: Gordon was a criminal attorney with a very special practice. He had only one client- the Sinner Saints. Jane: Bikers, are they? Rigsby: Yeah, they're one of the top biker gangs in the state. They run some legit businesses, but mostly they're into drugs and prostitution, low-rent protection rackets, that kind of thing. Nina: For years, I begged him to get out, but Gordon said that a lawyer never abandons his client. it's unethical. It's what he always called them- never "the gang, " always "the client." Lisbon: When was the last time you saw him? Nina: Yesterday morning, before work. Gordon used to meet these people at all hours- That's how they are. So we didn't get worried when he didn't come home last night. Lisbon: Had he been acting differently lately? Nina: He'd been more on edge the last week or so. I think something happened at work, but I'm not sure what. Lisbon: Did you ask him about it? Nina: No, never. Work was off-limits. Lucas Hodge: He said it was boring. Jane: What was the real reason? Do you think he was ashamed, or he sensed your shame? Lucas: He wanted to protect us. Lisbon: Would his colleagues at the office have known what was going on? Nina: No. He was a one-man shop. Didn't even have a secretary. Gordon didn't trust anyone with his business. Lisbon: Any idea who might have wanted to kill him? Nina: Well, you might want to ask his client. He knew all their secrets. He probably learned something that he shouldn't have. Rigsby: Either of you ever meet any of those scumbags? Lucas: No. Jane: You two must be very torn- living in such a beautiful home, driving nice cars, going to good schools, 'll paid for by dangerous criminals, Or, uh, "scumbags, " as my colleague says. Nina: Do I wish that Gordon would've defended civil rights leaders? Yes, of course ! But he believed that everyone had a constitutional right to have a good defense. He had his principles. Lisbon: Thank you for your time. They go out of the house Lisbon: Did you go to some interview school I've never heard of? Next time, get the facts, save the editorial. Rigsby: Yes, ma'am. He looks at Jane Lisbon: I know. Jane did it, too. He's not a CBI agent. From you, I expect professional standards. Rigsby: Yes, boss. Cho arrives Cho: That was the captain of the local c. h.i. p.s. Hodge's car was just fished out of a lake about a mile from the murder scene- no good for prints. He said that two weeks back, they busted Hodge at a highway rest stop, walking to his car with 2 ounces of coke and 2 ounces of meth in his pockets. Nailed him with felony possession... Rigsby: Nice. Cho: Only the d. a. dropped the charges. There was some unlawful search technicality. Lisbon: Either Hodge is a great lawyer... Cho: Or the d. a. turned him in exchange for dropping the charges-planned to use him as an informant. Rigsby: Well, if the saints found out- Cho: Yeah, they'd kill him. they did know about the charges. Their boss, Von Mcbride, posted Hodge's bail. Lisbon: Well, talk to your friends at the D.A. Find out what the story is there. Jane and I will go talk to the Sinner Saints. Cho: Okay, be careful. Rigsby: You want me to come for backup? Lisbon: Uh, no. talk to forensics about the car. Jane, let's go. now, please? Come on. Jane and Lisbon are in front of the Sinner Saints Bar Jane: (Speaking about motorcycles) Beautiful, huh? Lisbon: No, not really. I fail to see the charm. Jane: It's the glamour of mobility. That's why the girls went for Cain and not Abel. Lisbon: Is that right? Jane: Yeah. nomads- sexier than farmers. They have romance. The Lisbon's cellphone rings. She picks up Lisbon: Lisbon. Cho: I spoke to my friend in the D.A.'s office. They didn't make a deal with Hodge. They let him go 'cause the case was less than ironclad, and they've already lost too many to hodge and the saints. Last 10 years, they've beaten the rap in over 50 cases- Murder, rape, drug-trafficking. they're bulletproof. Jane: Nobody's bulletproof. Cho: Well, my friend says to stay away from them. That they're bad news. Lisbon: Good, sound lawyerly advice. I'll take that under advisement. (She hangs up) You ready? They enter the bar. Bikers look at them Lisbon: (To Jane) There's romance for you. (To bikers) We're with the CBI. We're looking for Von Mcbride. Xander: Not here, which is where you need to be. Lisbon: Well, can you tell us where he is? Xander: No. I cannot. Lisbon: Listen, we're here for information, Not trouble, boys. Xander: Well, we've got nothing to say. Lisbon: I can take you in if you want me to. I prefer to talk here. Xander: Like I said, there's nothing to talk about. We're not doing anything illegal. Jane goes to the back room where a man plays Jane: Mr Mcbride? Lisbon: (To Xander) It was nice talking to you. Jane: Your focus on this pressing matter suggests you're the man in charge here. McBride: Yeah, well, keep on walking, blondie. Lisbon: We just have a few questions for you. It won't take long. McBride: Yeah, well, I'm sorry. I don't, uh, talk to police officers on the advice of my lawyer. Lisbon: Your lawyer's dead. McBride: Yeah, I heard that. But his advice is still good. Xander: Means your business here is done. Jane: Oh. You don't want to know who the informant is, then? Xander: What informant? Jane: Oh, I'm sorry. Forget I spoke. Xander: You messing with me? Jane: Yeah, I'm messing with you. There's no informant. Xander: Come here. Lisbon: You touch him, and I'll arrest you. Xander: I would love to see you try and do that. Jane: What's your name? Xander: Xander. Jane: Xander, your threats are empty. She's a state agent. You're not gonna lay a finger on her, and you know that, so why play tough? W-where's that come from, this need to intimidate? Xander: I'm a sadist, and I bore easily. Jane: Oh. me, I see a difficult childhood- Bad parenting, a lot of torment. But I also see how that suffering gave you great powers of empathy and a strong creative side, and those are the qualities you should try and nurture in yourself. Not this brutish character you try to hide behind. McBride: Oh, that's Xander, all right. Full of empathy. You guys want a drink? Jane: Sure. Later, Lisbon and McBride are sitting at a table. Jane plays billards McBride: So what's this crap about an informant? Lisbon: How long have you know about hodge's taste for coke and meth? McBride: Couple years. Guy liked to party, but he could still do his job. A woman arrives and sits at their table Jane: Couldn't have been too thrilled when he got busted. McBride: Case got dropped. Jane: Must've wondered why. McBride: Illegal search. Jane: Yeah. Either that or Hodge, uh, flipped on you. Diamond: That son of a- McBride: Hold on a second, Diamond. He didn't flip. There is no informant. Lisbon: Where were you last night? McBride: Right here. And I got 30 other brothers who will vouch for me and each other. Look, man, none of my guys did this. We loved Gordon, man. he was like a member of the club. Diamond: You know, he couldn't ride worth a damn. McBride: No, he couldn't, huh? He tried, though. Lisbon: Who killed him? McBride: My guess? Probably some other motorcycle club looking to put us out of business- Chaos Brigade, Bolos Plata. Shouting from front of the bar Woman: Get your hands off of me! get off me! Help! get your hands off of me! Get off of me! Get off of me! Lisbon: Let her go, and back away! Back away now! Woman: Get your hands off me! You're murderers! All of you! Lisbon: Ma'am, take it easy. I'm CBI. Ma'am! But the woman run away In the bar, are McBride and Jane Jane: Who was that?Sshe a friend of yours? McBride: Never seen her before. Mentally deranged, seems like. Poor thing. Jane: You know, you're a very good liar. Most people subconsciously signal dishonesty, but you? there's nothing. No inner conflict. Usually, that's the mark of what shrinks like to call a sociopath. McBride: Well, if by "sociopath, " you mean that if you cross me, I would enjoy watching you suffer pain before I kill you... Then, yeah, I'm a sociopath. See ya. Jane: Bye. In the CBI Rigsby: So we talked to the gang unit. There's no other biker gang would cross the saints and run the risk of starting a war that they couldn't win. Jane: This is incredible. you should see this. He is sitting on the sofa reading a paper Lisbon: Hold on. Anything on the woman in the parking lot? Jane: Sinner Saints have their own web site. Lisbon: (irritated) Really? Jane: Yeah. Cho: We cross-checked registrations of the truck model and color with driver's license photos fitting her description. No hits. truck must be registered to her husband or other family member. Lisbon: Mcbride's clamming up about her means he's hiding something. Jane: He's merged two other gangs into the saints in the last five years. It's the fastest growing gang in the nation. Lisbon: Go to Hodge's office. See if you can find anything on the gang's operation that pops. And have the deerfield P. D. Issue a bolo on the woman's pickup truck. Cho: Okay. Jane: You can buy logo merchandise- sinner saints coffee mugs, Decals, beach towels. whoa! And some various other interesting little knickknacks. Lisbon: Nice. Jane: Yeah. well, if they do it, we should do it. A range of casual wear, maybe? Sensible shoes? Lisbon: (ironic) I'll get right on that. Jane: Okay. Lisbon loafers. Van Pelt: (computer beeps) Found something, boss. These are Gordon Hodge's cell phone calls from the night of the murder. All were routine business calls- Von mcbride, other lawyers, court officials. But it's the last call that bumps. 7:23, incoming from a constance hoyt. Current address unknown. Lisbon: Must not want people finding her. Van Pelt: Well, I went back three months- A lot of calls between her and hodge. Lisbon: Did you try the number? Van Pelt: Twice. got one of those computer voice mail messages. Plus, I ran her name through the d. m.v. For registration of a black pickup truck. She's not your parking lot woman. Lisbon: Check Von Mcbride's cell phone records. See if he had any contact with this constance hoyt. Van Pelt: Bingo. Couple of chatty cathys. Lisbon: Talking three or four times a day. Either she's his mom, or... Van Pelt: His girlfriend. Lisbon and Van Pelt arrive front of the bar. Diamond leaves it. Lisbon: Constance? we just have a couple questions for you. But Constance rides off on the motorcycle Lisbon: I'll drive! Van Pelt: No time! Boss, seat belt. go! Tires screech. Engines revving Lisbon: Bike's got too much muscle. you're gonna have to- Van Pelt cuts her path and stops Constance Lisbon: Do not even think of moving. (To Van Pelt) I gotta get you out of the office more. Rigsby and Cho are going in Hodge's office Rigsby: Got hodge's office key? Cho: So what's your problem with bikers? Rigsby: I hate bikers. Cho: Why's that? Rigsby: My dad was a biker. Cho: Really? I didn't know that. Rigsby: No? I thought you read my file. Cho: Well, it says he was a big-time criminal. Didn't specify any affiliations. Rigsby looks at the doorknob Rigsy: Jimmy marks on the doorknob. Cho: Doubt that was part of the original decor. The get their guns and enter. Nobody is there but the offide is a mess. Rigsby: Door clear. Cho: Clear. Rigsby: Desk clear. Cracks are on the outside of the window. Means a previous break-in attempt. Think they were looking for something, or just trying to send a message? Cho looks behind the door Cho: Message was definitely a part of it. On the wall: "Burn in hell" Interrogation Room Jane: Do you prefer "Constance, " or "Diamond"? Constance: I prefer to get the hell out of here. Lisbon: You ran from the police, endangered the lives Of two agents. you could be here a couple of days. Constance: I don't think that's right. Lisbon: why'd you run? Constance: I ran because I'm dead if anyone sees me talking to cops. The Saints are all paranoid about informants now, which is why I'm not saying a word. Jane: Tell us about your affair with gordon hodge. Constance: I wasn't sleeping with Gordon. Jane: Oh. Uh... yes, you were. Constance: It was only a few months. we were just having fun. It's not like von doesn't sleep around on me and... Gordon treated me nice. Jane: You had genuine feelings for him. Constance: He was decent. He never looked down on you. Just got sucked in too deep with the Saints. Lisbon: Did you know he was arrested for possession? Constance: Told him a hundred times to be careful, but he got dumb about it. Jane: Ah, well, drugs simply make people careless. You had to be a little concerned about mcbride finding out. Constance: It would've made things complicated. Jane: "complicated" is one way to put it. Lisbon: So you called him that night. Then what happened? Did you go and see him? Constance: No! no. I called to break it off. I heard him answer the phone, and I'd tried to talk to him, but the line went dead. Lisbon: What about the woman in the parking lot? Constance: I don't know. Von doesn't talk gang business with me. Lisbon: Had you seen her before? Constance: she's come around a few times last couple of weeks, same thing- Lots of crazy yelling, then taking off. Look... You, um... You gotta promise that Von doesn't find out about me and Gordon. Lisbon: He keeps his cards close. He could already know- Killed Hodge out of jealousy. Constance: Trust me. If Von knew, Gordon's wouldn't be the only dead body. Only one other person knew. And that was bad enough. Lisbon: Who was that other person? Lisbon is in Hodge's and talks with his wife Lisbon: We have information that suggests you knew about gordon and another woman. Nina: Yes, I did. Lisbon: How? Nina: About four months ago, I found a valet stub on the driveway from the deerfield inn. So one night, I followed him and saw him go in with that biker girl. Lisbon: Did you confront him? Nina: More like yell and hit him. He promised he'd stop seeing her. I took him at his word, and I never asked him about it again. Lisbon: why not? Nina: Because I didn't want to hear him lie to me. Lisbon: Mrs. Hodge... Nina: What? Lisbon: If you picked up on your husband's affair, you must've suspected about his other illicit activities. Nina: I knew about the drugs and the partying. He was surrounded by it. Lisbon: Why didn't you tell us about this earlier? Nina: Because Gordon is dead. Anything that I said or did would not bring him back. My son draws stares and whispers because of his father, agent lisbon. Both of us- we deserve to grieve without shame and scandal, don't we? Lisbon: Yes, you do. [SCENE_BREAK] CBI Lisbon: And if she'd followed her husband once before, She could've tailed him again and killed him. Jane: No, she didn't do it. She loved him. Lisbon: She was a prisoner of her husband's life. She gets rid of him, gets a fresh start. Jane: People trapped in miserable lives. Always talk about escaping. few actually do it. It's easier just to close your eyes and pretend the misery doesn't exist. Rigsby: Boss, you might want to see this. Cho looks at video Cho: This is from a security camera across the street. It was the third incident in two weeks. Building owner said hodge didn't want to report the earlier ones because he didn't want deerfield P. D. combing through. His office and accidentally finding something in his sinner saints file. There. Lisbon: Magnify. The woman from the parking lot. In the bar McBride: Chaos Brigade controls distribution over in rancho rosa, but I figure if we move right now, we can move into stratton. Jane: What's up, my brothers? Lisbon: We just have one quick follow-up question for you. McBride: I've exceeded my quota of answering cops' questions. And my quota of crazy. Lisbon: The woman in the parking lot. McBride: Uh, like I said, she must've mistaken me- Lisbon: She was seen vandalizing hodge's office. McBride: She find anything she shouldn't have? Lisbon: His files were intact. she got nothing. McBride: We have nothing further to talk about, then. Lisbon: The sooner this case is closed, the sooner we're gone and you're back to business as usual. McBride: Last name is Guthrie. She's the sister of a gentleman I was accused of killing. Falsely, of course. Trial was a couple of weeks ago, Gordon hit a home run. Got me off. Lisbon: And you weren't eager to I. D. her because you didn't want us poking around your case? McBride: Hey, all I know is that she's been coming around From time to time, saying some very offensive things. Lisbon: Thanks for your cooperation. McBride: You think she killed Gordon? Lisbon: Like I said, thanks for your cooperation. Jane: I've got one last question. If Hodge wasn't the informant in your gang, who do you think it is? I mean, I tried asking the D.A., but he's kind of a secretive bstrd, huh? What do you think? McBride: Mr. Jane, we're a motorcycle club, not a gang. And I can assure you there is no informant. Jane: Well, you'd know best. Xander: Why does he keep going on about this informant? McBride: He's just talking. Let's get down to business. Interrogation Room, Cho asks questions to Felicia Guthrie. Felicia: Von McBride should be sitting here, not me. Cho: Court docs say your brother Rick was an auto mechanic. McBride blamed him for screwing up a repair, and your brother refused to redo it. Mcbride allegedly got angry and killed him. Felicia: Not "allegedly." He killed him. He beat him to death with a crowbar. He murdered him. Cho: And the jury disagreed. McBride acted in self-defense, right? Felicia: That's because that lawyer Hodge made it look like it was my brother's fault. He started throwing around all these lies about my brother, saying that my brother was a druggie, that he was aggressive, that he was mentally unstable. Cho: So you get all worked up, harass the gang, trash Hodge's office, right? Felicia: You want to arrest me for that, go ahead. I'm not gonna fight you. I'm too tired. Cho: You ever try hodge's home? Felicia: Once. But his kid came outside. I don't have a beef with him, so I took off before I could do anything. Cho: And what were you gonna do? Felicia: I don't know. I was... I don't know. I wanted hodge to understand what he had done to me and to my family. Cho: When was this? Felicia: Two days ago. Cho: The day of the murder. Where were you that night? Felicia: Home. Cho: Can anyone verify it? Felicia: I live alone, but I didn't- Cho: Now six months ago, you were arrested in a road rage incident. Got out of your car at a red light, attacked a man in an s. u.v. Felicia: What does this have to do with anything? Cho: You're an angry person and you express it physically. Felicia: I'm not angry, I am sad. My brother was a good man. The only crime he committed was standing up to that bstrd McBride. Cho: Hodge blackens the name of your dead brother and gets von mcbride off. Now maybe trashing his office didn't give you enough satisfaction- Perfectly understandable if your frustration boils over. And you can't touch von mcbride. He's got 20 bikers around him all the time, so maybe you go for the easier target. Felicia: I didn't kill Gordon Hodge, but I'm sure as hell glad that he's dead. Cho: She'd been to his house that day. Could've laid in wait and followed him later. Plus, she was out for revenge- no more powerful motive. Lisbon: We don't have nearly enough to charge her. I say we hold her on the vandalism. Try to dig up something that puts her at the murder scene. Jane: Or you could release her. she's obviously impulsive and sloppy enough to get caught on camera. She'll think she's bought herself some time. Cho: And she'd try something to cover her tracks and implicate herself. Lisbon: Cut her loose, then let's shadow her. Cho: Yes, boss. Lisbon (To Jane): Where are you going? Jane: Fresh air. "All this murder talk... is rank. It stinks to heaven. It hath the primal eldest curse upon't." Cho: Shakespeare. Jane arrives at Hodge's house. Lucas is in difficulty with his car Jane: Little less pressure on the brake pedal. Is your mom here? Lucas: Market. That's why I'm confined to the driveway. You want me to have her call you? Jane: We know Felicia Guthrie trespassed on the property the day your dad was killed. Lucas: I-I just need to hear what happened. Uh, I was leaving for school. I saw her hop the gate and come running up the driveway, so I ran out to try to stop her. She was yelling all this stuff about my dad lying about her brother and getting von mcbride off. Then she just ran away. Jane: Did your parents see her? Lucas: No. Dad was already at work, and mom was in the shower. Jane: Huh. any reason you didn't bring this up earlier? Lucas: I don't know. I felt bad for her, I guess. Didn't want her to get in trouble. Jane: Well, just needed to confirm. Thanks. Jane: You need to relax. Lucas: It's not gonna help. I'm never gonna get the hang of this. Jane: That's an easy fix. You need the right instructor. Later, Jane and Lucas are on the road. Lucas driving Jane: All right. so now you can speed up a little. Excellent. I like how you're keeping your distance. Just trust your instincts. They're always right. Lucas: You're a good instructor. Jane: Yeah, I am, probably because I have zero emotional investment in how you do- Unlike your father, who I'm guessing got annoyed with every mistake you made. Lucas: He wasn't the most patient guy. Jane: Probably didn't help that he was always on his cell phone. Lucas: Been living with his job my whole life. You get used to it. Jane: You also get used to the drugs and the cheating on your mother? Lucas: He promised he'd stop. Jane: Yeah. Can't be easy going through life being labeled the gang lawyer's son. Lucas: It wasn't really that bad. I mean, girls would come up to me all the time, talk to me about dad and the gang, like I'm cool... instead of a geek, which I basically am. Jane: Everybody is. I am. If he was my father, I tell ya, i-i... I'd be mad at him. Lucas: Dad didn't mean to hurt anyone. He was just doing his job. Jane: Right. Well, I guess I'd still love him if he was my father. Can't say I'd cut him the same kind of slack if I was married to him. Lucas: Are you trying to blame my mom? 'cause if you are... Jane: What? Lucas: You're wrong, that's all. She loved him, too. Jane: Well, that brings us back to Felicia Guthrie, who didn't love him at all. What exactly did she say to you when you saw her? Lucas: It was hard to tell. She was just, you know, ranting, basically. Didn't make much sense. Jane: Very nicely done. You'll be out cruising on saturday nights in no time. Just remember, trust your instincts. They're always right. Lucas: Thank you. And thanks for the driving lesson. It's the night. Cho and Rigsby watch Felicia's house Rigsby: Still no movement. Looks like she's in for the night. Cho: Talk to Van Pelt recently? Rigsby: Yep. Cho: Any progress? Rigsby: Hope. Engines rumbling in distance Cho: You hear that? Rigsby: Yeah. They're gonna go after Felicia. Mcbride thinks she killed hodge, wants payback. Cho: Officers on Hampton, North of Lexington, request immediate assistance. They get their guns Felicia: What the hell's going on? Cho: Go back in your house and stay down! Engines are arrive Rigsby: Do the smart thing and get out of here right now! Xander: We're not doing anything illegal. Rigsby: Disorderly conduct, concealed weapons, blown exhaust pipes, probably a couple of outstanding warrants in there! Biker: Screw you, pig! Rigsby: We could bust half you clowns right now! So what's it gonna be? Xander: We'll be seeing you around. Bikers go away Cho: You really hate bikers The next day, the team is Felicia's house Felicia: If they think they can intimidate me, they're wrong. Lisbon: Felicia, temperatures are running hot, so I need you to stay away from the gang's bar from now on. Jane put something in the bin Felicia: Yeah. I'll stay away when you arrest Von McBride. And what were you people doing out here, anyway? Jane: Oh, we think you killed, uh, Gordon Hodge, So agent Cho and Rigsby are watching you. Oh, come on. she was never gonna buy, "we just happened to be in the neighborhood." Felicia: I told you I had nothing to do with that. Jane drinks tea Felicia: And who told you that you could go in my house? Jane: Oh, this? I just needed some tea. Cut through the chill. Felicia: Chill, my ass. You were looking for evidence. Lisbon: Felicia, take it easy. Felicia: Don't tell me to take it easy, when this guy's rifling through my underwear drawer, looking for a weapon. Jane: It was your closet, actually. I was looking for blood-splattered shoes. Felicia: Get off my property. Jane: you're very touchy. Lisbon: Go. Jane joins Rigsby and Cho Rigsby: You really looked through her closet? Jane: Laundry, too. She's been angry and emotional about her brother, which means that she was sloppy about hodge's murder- Dragged evidence home with her. It's just not inside. Cho: Well, there's no garage or toolshed. Jane: Well, I looked everywhere. Well, everywhere except the garbage. Cho: Why not? Jane: Well, it's garbage. Rigsby: You done with that? Jane: Almost. Rigsby's tea splashes and goes in the garbage Lisbon: Yes, the case is still ongoing, and you are a person of interest. I'd advise you not to leave town. Rigsby looks in garbage Rigsby: Boss? Lisbon: Excuse me. Rigsby: Do you see that? Felicia: What's goin' on? Lisbon: Stay there. don't move. Rigsby take the object. It's the other cuff link In CBI Felicia: I didn't do anything wrong. Mcbride must've set me up. Lisbon: Rigsby, put her in interview one. Van Pelt: Boss, Nina and Lucas Hodge are here to see you. Lisbon: She say why? Jane: Because I asked them down here. (about Felicia) Rigsby, could you bring her through here, please? It'll just take a minute. Thank you. Lisbon: Are you gonna tell me what this is about? Jane: I'm just closing your case. (To Hodge's family) Thanks for coming down, Mrs. Hodge. This woman's name is Felicia Guthrie. She murdered your husband out of revenge for getting Von McBride off a charge for killing her brother. Nina: Oh, my god! Felicia: No, I did not kill anyone. Jane: Uh, we have evidence. We just need your permission for, uh, Lucas to make a formal statement, saying that he saw her at your housethe day of the murder. Nina: You saw her? Jane: Well, he can fill you in later. His statement will give us a better chance at a conviction. Nina: Absolutely. Anything you need. Jane: Great. Thank you. Lucas, if you can confirm that this is who you saw, then you'll be on your way. Lucas: What's gonna happen to her? Jane: Well, probably life in prison. Uh, if she's lucky, she might get paroled in 25 years. Felicia: I swear, I didn't- I didn't touch him! Nina: Shut up! You took everything from us. Jane: Lucas, we need to book her now, so could you identify her? Lucas: No, she wasn't the one. I mean, yeah, she came to the house- Jane: Great. Thanks. That's all we need. Take her away, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Felicia: No, I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything wrong! Jane: Trust your instincts, lucas. They're always right. Nina: Let's go. Lucas: She couldn't have done it. Lisbon: What makes you say that? Lucas: I just know. Nina: Lucas, they have evidence. This bitch killed your father! Lucas: Don't call her that! It wasn't her. Lisbon: The only way we can know for certain is if you tell us who did it. Nina: Okay, stop talking to my son. You've got your statement. Lucas, let's go. Come on! let's go! Lucas: No! Nina: Lucas! Lucas: Stop! It was me. Interrogation Room Lucas: We were out for a driving lesson. I was driving badly that night, and my dad was on the phone the whole time, like he always was. Flashback, cell phone rings Lucas: He'd get mad every time I'd make a mistake, but I just couldn't seem to concentrate End of flashback Jane: Because of your run-in with Felicia Guthrie that day. You didn't talk about her until I asked, 'cause you felt sorry for her. You didn't want to draw suspicion to her, because you knew she didn't do it. You were trying to do the right thing. Lucas: I just kept seeing her in the driveway, crying, yelling about how my dad lied about her brother. Flashback, in the car Lucas: His phone just kept ringing... And he'd get mad at me and I'd screw up worse, and I just... I couldn't take it anymore. Next time his phone rang... I grabbed it from him. I heard her voice. Constance: hey, Gordon baby, It's me. can you talk? End flashback Lucas: That biker bitch- diamond. She kept calling him "gordon baby." Said she really wanted to see him. Felicia Guthrie was right. He was a liar. Flashback, he takes a stone and hits his father, flashback end's Lucas: I threw the phone into the woods, and he got mad. He promised me he'd stop. Doing drugs and cheating on my mom. And like an idiot, I believed him. I called my mom. she told me what to do. I grabbed all the stuff to make it look like a robbery, but I couldn't get that damn cuff link out. So I ditched his car in the lake. She drove me home. Jane: The lie gets heavy fast, doesn't it? I expect after a while, you wanted to go to the police and tell them the truth. Lucas: Sometimes I wanted to. Mom said no. She promised it would be okay. Jane: Well, it might be... Someday. Rigsby: Let's go. Lucas: I'm sorry, mom. Lisbon: You know, I have to wonder how that cuff link Rigsby found made it's way to Felicia Guthrie's house. Jane: That is a conundrum. Lisbon: Because I'll bet a year's salary that if I look in the evidence locker, the cuff link we found on hodge will have mysteriously vanished. Jane: Okay. I needed lucas to see felicia get arrested. You needed hard evidence to charge Felicia. So... I made it happen. Lisbon: By making an innocent woman think she was gonna go to prison? As if her life wasn't hard enough already. Jane: Yes, you're right. She does deserve some justice. Lisbon: It's good to see you care. Jane: You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. In the bar, McBride's cellphone rings McBride: Yeah? All right. (To Xander) I'll be back in a minute. He leaves Man: Hey, psst. Over here. It's Jane McBride: What's up? Jane: I thought you might want to know we caught Gordon hodge's killer. It was his son. Lot of issues between 'em. McBride: And you felt the need to tell me this from the shadows, dressed in this getup? Jane: Self-preservation. I figured I'd worn out my welcome with your friends. McBride: That's it? This is what you had to tell me? Jane: Well, no. There's another reason. You open that envelope, and the rat in your gang will be revealed. McBride: Oh, the rat. Three bikers arrive Jane: Now turn around and try not to look too guilty. He goes away Xander: What was that about? McBride: What, this? This is, uh... It's kind of funny, actually. Xander: Yeah, funny? He takes envelope and looks inside. There is money. Xander: Selling us out is funny?! McBride: Hey, man. you got it wrong, bro! Bikers catches McBride. Jane smiles at Felicia who enjoys watching.
doc_240	THE INVISIBLE ENEMY BY BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN Part One Running time: 23:09 [SCENE_BREAK] An asteroid field with a shuttle very cautiously and wobblingly entering. A wider shot of the asteroid field with the shuttle moving more confidently. Flying asteroids! Inside the shuttle we see Safran and Silvey in comfy chairs. Then we see Meeker at the bridge. MEEKER: Going to manual. SILVEY: What for? MEEKER: Why not? If we're going to be slammed around, I'd sooner do it myself. SILVEY: It's still telling you what to do. MEEKER: Yes, but at least I'm doing it. SILVEY: Come on, Meeker. SAFRAN: You're off course. MEEKER: Yes, sorry, skipper. SAFRAN: Put it back on automatic, please. Meeker tries various controls and it's obvious there's a problem. MEEKER: Eh? I can't! SAFRAN: Titan shuttle captain. New course for Titan, please. He climbs up toward Meeker. SAFRAN: All right, Meeker, that is enough. MEEKER: What? SAFRAN: Off watch. Please. Safran takes the pilot's seat. MEEKER: Look, I qualified for exploration eight years ago, and what am I? Glorified garage attendant on some planetary filling station. SILVEY: Your turn'll come. You'll be glad enough of refuel bases then. MEEKER: All I'm saying is that I want a real SAFRAN: Not now, Meeker. COMPUTER: Unidentified organism. Changing course to avoid. The shuttle is caught in some kind of weird webby thing with lightning. SAFRAN: What was all that about? There's nothing there. Titan shuttle captain. Report please. Silvey turns to the others. NUCLEUS (OOV.): Contact has been made. SAFRAN: Contact? [SCENE_BREAK] In the TARDIS Leela carries the hatstand and sets it down. The Doctor enters. LEELA: We've never been in here before. DOCTOR: You've never been in here before. LEELA: What is it? DOCTOR: Number two control room has been closed for redecoration. I don't like the colour. LEELA: White isn't a colour. DOCTOR: That's the trouble with computers. Always think in black and white. No aquamarines, no blues, no imagination. LEELA: Have we stopped? DOCTOR: No, we haven't stopped. The scanner opens. LEELA: Have we materialised? DOCTOR: Yes. LEELA: Where? DOCTOR: Solar system, between Jupiter and Saturn. About five thousand AD. Five thousand AD? We're still in the time of your ancestors. LEELA: Ancestors? DOCTOR: Yes. That was the year of the great breakout. LEELA: The great what? DOCTOR: Mmm. When your forefathers went leapfrogging across the solar system on their way to the stars. Asteroid belt's probably teeming with them now. New frontiersmen, pioneers waiting to spread across the galaxy like a tidal wave. Or a disease. LEELA: Why disease? I thought you liked humanity? DOCTOR: Oh, I do, I do. Some of my best friends are humans. When they get together in great numbers, other lifeforms sometimes suffer. [SCENE_BREAK] The shuttle approaches Titan. We see the landing area as the shuttle comes in. Cut to a close-up of gloved hands operating the controls of the shuttle. We see the shuttle coming down from its nosecone. Then we see the shuttle land on the pad and the pad begins to sink into the ground. The hands switch off the controls. The pad rotates, with the shuttle on board. The pad begins to move carrying the shuttle with it. The space-suited crew walk through the bridge (we can see through the shuttle cockpit window beyond). COMPUTER: Docking. Docking. Contact. All locked. [SCENE_BREAK] As the crew head through the door, they each take a blaster. They holster the blasters and go through the inner door. MAN (OOV.): Hey, are we glad to see you. Welcome to Titan. You're welcome to it. We're in the mess. Come on down. The crew head toward the doors. The first door is the wrong one, and the leader gestures to another when they hear laughter from behind it. The door slides open. [SCENE_BREAK] MAN: Come on in. Join the party. Our last supper on Titan. Well, come on. Get your gear off and relax. You're going to be here for The crew pull their blasters and aim at the three in the mess. MAN: Hey, what kind of a joke is ... The crew fire at the men who fall to the floor dead. Safran lifts his visor. His face is covered in green scales. SAFRAN: There is one other. The station supervisor. We must find him, destroy him. SAFRAN: Then we can make this the ideal place in which to breed and multiply. [SCENE_BREAK] LOWE: Shuttle relief crew. Shuttle relief crew. Come in, please. Shuttle relief crew, this is Supervisor Lowe. Please report. Relief crew, this is the supervisor. Where are you? He activates a remote camera monitor to see what is happening in the mess. He pans his camera around. LOWE: My God, what's happened? Hello? Hello? LOWE: What is it? What's gone wrong? SAFRAN: Wrong? There is nothing wrong. This is most suitable for our purpose. What, what purpose? Safran. Safran, is that you? What has happened? SAFRAN: Who is this Safran? Lowe looks horrified. LOWE: Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! This is Titan Base. Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! Meeker and Silvey approach through the halls and reach the supervisor's door as Lowe ducks into the IMURJINSEE EGSIT. They burn through the lock and enter the room. MEEKER: The supervisor has escaped. SAFRAN: Leave him. Let him suffocate. Safran punches the distress signal to silence it. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the TARDIS Leela is practicing her handwriting on chalkboard. DOCTOR: As soon as I've reset these coordinates, we'll go somewhere really interesting. LOWE (OOV.): Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! This is Titan Base. Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! LEELA: What was that? DOCTOR: Distress call. From Titan. That message took half an hour to get here. LEELA: Is Titan really interesting? DOCTOR: What does that matter? What's important is that someone needs help! We briefly see the webby thing in space again. Then the Doctor is setting controls. DOCTOR: Quadrant six two. W H I one two one two nine nine zero E X four one. What's the matter? LEELA: I'm troubled. DOCTOR: About what? LEELA: I can feel something. DOCTOR: Hey. SAFRAN (OOV.): Titan. This is Titan Base. All vessels, repeat, all vessels disregard mayday. I say again, disregard mayday. All under control. DOCTOR: There we are. SAFRAN (OOV.): Our apologies. Our apologies. LEELA: That's it! DOCTOR: That's what? LEELA: That's something evil. SAFRAN (OOV.): Titan Base out. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: It was not a human speaking. DOCTOR: It wasn't? The TARDIS gets caught in the webby stuff. There is an explosion on the console as the Doctor leans over, and he briefly glows purple. LEELA: What was that? DOCTOR: Static. Nothing important. LEELA: There was a sort of glow all around you. DOCTOR: There was? Oh. Well, a kind of Saint Elmo's fire. It happens at sea. LEELA: Saint Elmo's? DOCTOR: Yes, it causes a sort of halo effect round the masts of ships. LEELA: Halo? DOCTOR: Why do you keep repeating everything I say? You're not a parrot, are you? LEELA: Parrot? DOCTOR: Yes. A parrot's a bird that repeats things. Move over. LEELA: (deep) Move over. DOCTOR: That's it. Another explosion. LEELA: I thought you said there was nothing wrong. DOCTOR: Well, there isn't anything wrong. Well, there isn't anything important wrong, but I've got to check it, haven't I? LEELA: I can still feel it. DOCTOR: Come on, old thing. Come on. Something zaps the Doctor's eyes. He takes a step back and his vision blurs. NUCLEUS (OOV.): Contact has been made. He falls to the floor. [SCENE_BREAK] Back on the base. SAFRAN: Incubation will start here. NUCLEUS (OOV.): Contact has been made. The nucleus has found a host. Prepare for his coming. [SCENE_BREAK] The TARDIS materializes. Inside, Leela gets zapped in the eyes too, but it doesn't affect her. LEELA: Doctor, wake up. We've landed. We've materialised. [SCENE_BREAK] The crew approach the TARDIS down the corridor. SAFRAN: There is one other with the host. She has been rejected. We must destroy her and dispose of her body with the rest. Take up your positions. [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor wakes up. DOCTOR: Hello, Lally. LEELA: Are you all right? DOCTOR: Rightly perfect, thank you yet, Lally. LEELA: What did you say? DOCTOR: I said, I'm perfectly all right, thank you, Lally. LEELA: My name is Leela. DOCTOR: Hmm? I know your name. Leela. LEELA: What happened? DOCTOR: Must have had a bot of a shik. LEELA: What? DOCTOR: A bot of a shik. LEELA: Doctor, what is it? What's the matter? DOCTOR: There's a voice or something in my head. LEELA: The evil thing. DOCTOR: Nonsense. Just a nasty turn. Come on, we're on Titan. Let's take a look. He opens the doors and walks into one of them. DOCTOR: That was odd. LEELA: Doctor, don't go out. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: It's out there. Evil! Lowe has returned to his quarters and grabs a blaster. DOCTOR: We must go. We've had a mayday. LEELA: No. I can feel it is wrong. DOCTOR: What, intuition? LEELA: I don't care what you call it, Doctor. I knew. I knew before that. Before you were affected. DOCTOR: What are you talking about, affected? LEELA: Well, before you were knocked out. DOCTOR: Leela, listen to me. I'm perfectly all right. Move over. [SCENE_BREAK] Out in the corridor Lowe comes up behind the crew outside the TARDIS. LOWE: Drop your weapons. I'm arresting you. All of you! They turn to fire, but Lowe fires first and Silvey drops to the floor. Lowe dashes back down the corridor and goes in to a cryogenics room. SAFRAN: Close the door. Turn off the oxygen supply. The Doctor opens the outer doors, peeks out and slams them again. A moment passes and slowly he opens the door again, looking down. Cautiously he exits, Leela behind. DOCTOR: Nobody around. Not a soul. He blows a bird call. DOCTOR: Anyone home? LEELA: Doctor, look. They kneel down by Silvey's body. DOCTOR: Disregard mayday. He said disregard mayday. Why? LEELA: It is still warm. DOCTOR: Don't be gruesome. LEELA: I am a hunter. DOCTOR: You're a savage. LEELA: Perhaps. I'm not ashamed of what I am and I tell you, Doctor, I can smell danger. DOCTOR: What did you say? LEELA: I said, I can smell danger. DOCTOR: Evil again? LEELA: Everywhere. In this place. DOCTOR: We'd better find it before it finds us. LEELA: Right. DOCTOR: Stay here. LEELA: I'm no coward. They both go off in different directions, but the Doctor backs up again. DOCTOR: Now listen, whatever happens... He turns to see Leela has gone, then he sets off again. [SCENE_BREAK] SAFRAN: Set temperature and humidity rate for optimum breeding conditions. MEEKER: Set temperature and humidity rate for optimum breeding conditions. The Doctor comes upon them. DOCTOR: Excuse me, you don't know me. Let me introduce myself. SAFRAN: There is no need. We are preparing the hives now. DOCTOR: People call me the D. Hives? SAFRAN: For the nucleus which you carry within you. DOCTOR: Are you all right? I answered your mayday. They turn to look at him. SAFRAN: You answered the call? DOCTOR: That's right, that's right. Has someone been hurt? SAFRAN: It is of no consequence. The physical envelope is of no importance. MEEKER: Of no importance. DOCTOR: What do you mean, of no importance? I just found a dead body out there. Meeker shoots him in the eyes with his lightning glance. MEEKER: Now that you have arrived. DOCTOR: I have arrived. SAFRAN: All that matters is that the reject should be destroyed. DOCTOR: Reject should be destroyed. SAFRAN: And breeding begin. DOCTOR: And breeding from my nucleus begin. Out in the corridor Leela approaches the Cryogenic sekshun. She opens the door and a frozen Lowe falls out. She drags him away. Safran hands the Doctor a blaster. DOCTOR: Leela the reject will not suspect me. SAFRAN: One of us will follow. DOCTOR: That is not necessary. SAFRAN: The nucleus within you must not be harmed. MEEKER: Must not be harmed. DOCTOR: Very well. The Doctor exits followed by Meeker. [SCENE_BREAK] In the mess Leela helps a recovered Lowe with a hot drink. LOWE: Who are you? LEELA: We answered your mayday. LOWE: They tried to kill me. The relief crew. They're insane. They've already killed these poor devils. LEELA: But why? Are they your enemies? LOWE: No. I know them. At least, I thought I did. But they've changed. LEELA: How changed? LOWE: Their eyes, their manner, their whole behaviour is different. One of them said something. LEELA: What? LOWE: Their purpose. This place will be suitable for our purpose. For our purpose, whatever that is. LEELA: The Doctor will know. He'll be here soon. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR (IN CORRIDOR): Leela? Leela, where are you? [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: That's him. That's the Doctor. LOWE: No, wait. It could be a trap, if they've caught him. LEELA: What are we going to do? LOWE: Hide. DOCTOR (OOV.): Don't worry, Leela, it's only me. Listen to me, Leela. There's nothing wrong with this place. It's most suitable. It's a good place. A good place. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Come on, Leela. I'm waiting. Please leave me. Please. I can't do it. I can't do it. MEEKER: Think of the purpose. She is a reject. She must die. DOCTOR: I can't. MEEKER: Think of the purpose! DOCTOR: I can't. MEEKER: The purpose is all important! Inside the mess Lowe makes a noise. DOCTOR: The reject is here. MEEKER: Stay. The nucleus does not wish to be harmed. I shall destroy her. DOCTOR: Yes. Kill her. Kill her. [SCENE_BREAK] The door op ens and Meeker enters. Lowe points his blaster but Meeker shoots it out of his hand. Meeker steps forward, not noticing Leela alongside the door. As Meeker moves into the room, Leela throws her knife into Meeker's back. She runs from the room as Lowe bends over toward Meeker. LOWE: Meeker, this purpose, what is it? [SCENE_BREAK] Meeker lifts his head and zaps Lowe in the eyes, then falls dead. Lowe leaps up with his blaster and runs into the corridor where Leela is prowling. LOWE: Leave it to me. I know this place! He dashes off down the corridor.
doc_241	1.11 - Paris is Burning (Lorelai and Rory are walking down the street) RORY: L? LORELAI: L-laryngitis. M? RORY: Mumps. N? LORELAI: Narcolepsy! O? RORY: Are we going to have to go through this every time we decide who cleans out the refrigerator? LORELAI: Do you want to go back to thumb wrestling? RORY: Osteoporosis. P? LORELAI: (gasps) Puppies! (runs across the street) RORY: That's not a disease. Oh boy. (runs after her) LORELAI: (to all the puppies) Hi! Oh hi! Hi! Oohh! Rory look at the baby! (in front of one) RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Aw, Buttercup was found cold and wet hovering under a hydrangea bush along highway 26. It's a sad highway. RORY: As compare to all the other happy highways she could've been abandoned by. LORELAI: Her lineage includes cocker spaniel, golden retriever, bouvier des flandres - RORY: Gesundheith LORELAI: Thank you - and rottweiler. RORY: Buttercup is a special dog. She's extremely skiddish and tends to react badly towards blonde haired females, brunette males, children of either s*x, other animals, red clothing, cabbage or anyone in a uniform. (Luke walks up to them) LORELAI: (to Luke) Hey, we just found the doggy version of you. MAN: Can I help you? LUKE: Do not let these two anywhere near a dog. They can barely feed themselves. LORELAI: Shut up you! We'd be excellent pet owners, thank you. RORY: You cannot be serious. LORELAI: We could get him a pretty bowl... RORY: It's a her. LORELAI: ...and a new name... RORY: Mom. LORELAI: ..cause this 'Buttercup' thing really has got to go. RORY: Do I need to remind you of Skippy? LUKE: Skippy? LORELAI: I can't believe you would bring up Skippy. RORY: Skippy was our hamster. LORELAI: He doesn't care. LUKE: What happened to Skippy? LORELAI: Nothing happened to Skippy. RORY: Every time mom would put her hand in his cage, he'd bit her. LORELAI: And laugh. LUKE: Hamster's can't laugh. LORELAI: Oh this one laughed - trust me. RORY: So finally she got fed up. LUKE: Of being laughed at by a hamster? LORELAI: Well yeah. RORY: So she stopped cleaning it's cage. Instead everyday she would stuff some Kleenex in there. LUKE: You didn't? LORELAI: It was the quilted kind (with a small smile) RORY: So this keeps going on and the cage is just a cage full of Kleenex that moves a little, and the smell? Really good. LUKE: I can imagine. LORELAI: Oh no you can't RORY: So then she takes the cage to the place where we bought him, waits for the sales guy to go behind the desk and dumps it on the counter then bolts. LUKE: You abandoned your hamster. LORELAI: Look, I know it was bad, but this was a vicious hamster. This was like a Damien hamster with little beady eyes and a big forked tail and...a cape with a...hood...and bye bye Buttercup. Bye Luke. RORY: You did the right thing. (both walking away from the puppies with arms around each other) LORELAI: Oh (in a whiny tone). I want a pet. RORY: You have me. LORELAI: You won't bring me my slippers in the morning. RORY: I might if you had slippers. LORELAI: Will you wear a collar? RORY: No. LORELAI: It'll be pink! RORY: You're sick. LORELAI: Hey watch how you talk to me. Remember what happened to Skippy. (Cut to Max Medina's apartment. He's cleaning while Lorelai sits on the counter eating out of a pot.) LORELAI: Mmm...God this is good! MAX: OK. Correct me if I'm wrong. LORELAI: Salt please. MAX: Twenty minutes ago we were sitting at the dinner table were we not? LORELAI: Yes we were. MAX: There were candles and flowers and plates and knifes and cloth napkins. LORELAI: I love the little sombrero napkin holders, very ole. MAX: And the whole time we were at said dinner table, you ate two maybe three bites of this amazing dinner I made for you. LORELAI: Pass the bread. MAX: And yet, as soon as that dinner's over and I start cleaning up, suddenly that's when you're starving. LORELAI: What can I say - watching someone work makes me hungry. If I hadn't stopped watching "This Old House" I'd be 500 lbs right now. MAX: Hmm. LORELAI: What are you doing? MAX: Passing these to you? LORELAI: In the dish please. Ha ha ha. (as Max puts food into pot.) LORELAI: So where did you learn to make osso bucco anyway? MAX: Um, from this very old Italian woman...who used to live upstairs...um, s-she had lost her husband a couple of years before and she kinda looked at me as like a son. LORELAI: Sweet! MAX: She was. LORELAI: So an old girlfriend huh? MAX: Yep. LORELAI: Mm hm. MAX: So would you like some coffee? LORELAI: Yes please. (Walks by Max and their faces come very close together) (Lorelai walks over to his desk) LORELAI: Hey did you read Rory's paper yet? MAX: Not yet. LORELAI: It's really good. MAX: I'm sure it is. LORELAI: Oh and look! It's right on top. MAX: Isn't that a coincidence? LORELAI: (laughs) Wow, there are some really big words in here. I just hope you have a dictionary with you when you read it. MAX: Oh I will. LORELAI: You know I could just save you the time and uh, put an 'A' on it for you. MAX: Well that really wouldn't be fair to the other students who's mothers aren't here tonight would it? LORELAI: Yes you're right. (pause) Although, life isn't fair and the sooner those kids learn that the better. MAX: Well I'll take that advise into account. LORELAI: (giggles). (turns around to look at his books) Wow these are beautiful!. Hm, I never read Proust, I always wanted to. Every now and then, I'm seized with an overwhelming urge to say something like "As Marcel Proust would say.." but of course I have no idea what Marcel Proust would say so I don't even go there. I could do, uh, "As Micheal Crichton would say.." but it's not exactly the same you know. MAX: Well, take it. LORELAI: Oh no! It-it looks so valuable MAX: It's a book. It's meant to be read. LORELAI: You sure? MAX: Take it, read it. LORELAI: Ok, I will. (She takes the book and sits down and starts to read) MAX: (laughing) Not now! LORELAI: What? MAX: I'd rather you didn't read it now. LORELAI: But um, what about (Max kisses her) my required reading (stands up, moving towards the bedroom, between kissing..) But I won't make the cheerleading squad! (kissing) Mr. Medina, is this my extra credit work because Missy just had to take a test!?! (laughing through kisses. Door closes.) (Cut to Lorelai sneaking in with shoes in hand) (Rory's waiting up on the couch) RORY: Where do you think you're going? LORELAI: Hi. RORY: It's one o'clock in the morning. LORELAI: I know but my watch stopped during a terrible car wreck and I had to save kittens and small children and four baby chicks. RORY: Did you have a nice time? LORELAI: Not bad. (smiling) RORY: That's a very big smile for a not bad night. (Lorelai sits on the couch) LORELAI: Yeah well...Hey he loaned me a book. RORY: What book? LORELAI: 'Swann's Way' RORY: Aren't we ambitious. LORELAI: Yes we are. RORY: You know what it means when a man loans you a book don't you? LORELAI: That he's already read it? RORY: Yep. LORELAI: (laughs a little) How was your night? RORY: Homework. LORELAI: How many times did Dean call. RORY: Not that many. LORELAI: How many? RORY: Three (Lorelai looks at her)...Five. LORELAI: (laughs) Not an all time high but very respectable. I'm going to bed. You staying here? RORY: Yeah. I'm comfortable. I've got the pillows in a perfect mushed position. LORELAI: Ok. Night mom. (kissing Rory) RORY: Yeah you just go think about what you've done. LORELAI: (with big smile) I will. RORY: Hey. LORELAI: What? RORY: You look happy. LORELAI: I am kid. RORY: Just checking. (Cut to Chilton - Mr. Medina's class) MAX: "There's a certain slant of light, winter afternoons that oppresses like the heft of cathedral tunes." That, my friends is the first verse of a poem by Emily Dickenson. Now read some of those tonight, and as you do, consider the fact that Emily Dickenson writes convincingly about passion and about the world in spite of the fact that she lived as a virtual recluse. It'll help you appreciate her mind. (bell rings) MADELINE: I could listen to him talk about passion all day. Do you think he's dating anyone? LOUISE: Of course he is. MADELINE: A teacher? LOUISE: Please. MADELINE: Why not? LOUISE: Have you seen teachers? MADELINE: He's a teacher. LOUISE: Male teachers are different. They can still be mysterious. MADELINE: I bet his girlfriend's pretty. LOUISE: I bet she's dumb. MADELINE: Why? LOUISE: Dumb girls crave smart men. It's that whole Marilyn Monroe - Arthur Miller syndrome. MADELINE: I still think she's lucky PARIS: Whoever he's dating is a loser, who doesn't care that he's a teacher in this ridiculous school making a ridiculous teacher's salary. (to Rory) What are you looking at? (walks away) LOUISE: Guess someone read the paper today. MADELINE: I know. Paris' parent's divorce is getting very ugly! LOUISE: Her dad should've just paid her mom everything she wanted and this whole thing would've been over. MADELINE: That's what my dad did. (to Rory) Hi! LOUISE: Hi. RORY: Hey. MADELINE: Is it true Paris' mom had the entire back of her body surgically reconstructed? LOUISE: Well it doesn't match the front now does it? (Cut to Grandma's house) (Dinner time) GRANDMA: How's the squab? RORY: It's good. GRANDMA: Lorelai? LORELAI: It's the best tiny, weird bird I have ever eaten. GRANDMA: I'm glad. LORELAI: Why are you smiling like that? GRANDMA: What are you talking about? LORELAI: You're smiling. GRANDMA: I'm happy. LORELAI: That's not your "I'm happy" smile. GRANDMA: Well what smile is it Loerlai? LORELAI: That's your "I've got something on Lorelai" smile. GRANDMA: Rory your mother must be very tired. RORY: She works a lot. LORELAI: I grew up with that smile - I know that smile. GRANDMA: Tell me about school. RORY: Well, my French final went pretty well. LORELAI: You can change the subject. I know the smile. GRANDMA: Whatever you say dear. LORELAI: I've used it a few times myself. RORY: Mom. GRANDMA: So tell me about parent's day? LORELAI: What? GRANDMA: Parent's day? Next Wednesday? When all the parents are supposed to go to the classes with their children all day long? LORELAI: The Chilton newsletter came out today! RORY: Yup. LORELAI: Right. GRANDMA: You didn't read yours? LORELAI: Not yet. GRANDMA: Ah. LORELAI: But you knew that - GRANDMA: Well - LORELAI: Hence the smile. GRANDMA: Lorelai, you're really being silly. There's no evil plan a foot here. I simply brought up a subject I thought we could all talk about. LORELAI: Oh right. GRANDMA: I'll try another subject - the colour blue is very pleasant isn't it? LORELAI: Mom not everybody can wait outside the mailbox for the Chilton newsletter to arrive and then instantly memorize the contents in three seconds. RORY: I'd like to weigh in on the blue colour subject please. GRANDMA: You have your priorities far be it from me to question them. LORELAI: Just because I don't read the newsletter doesn't mean I don't care about my daughter. GRANDMA: So are you going? LORELAI: To what? GRANDMA: To parent's day! LORELAI: Why don't we talk about it next Friday when I've actually read the newsletter. I guarantee it'll be more fun. GRANDMA: We could except for the fact that parents day is next Wednesday. LORELAI: Wednesday? RORY: Yup. GRANDMA: If we talked about it on Friday then you would've missed it. LORELAI: Wednesday huh? RORY: It's ok mom, you don't have to be there. GRANDMA: I guess we can talk about how you missed it. LORELAI: I'm won't miss it. RORY: Mom it's not a big deal, you're busy. GRANDMA: You know what - I'll go! LORELAI: What? GRANDMA: Why not? You have to work. I, as you have insinuated, have no life, therefore I will go sit with Rory at parent's day. LORELAI: I'm not busy, I'm going. I will be there - that's it. End of story ok? GRANDMA: Fine. LORELAI: Fine. GRANDMA: So did you read on page two about the mother/daughter talent show? (Lorelai chokes on her food) RORY: You ok? (smiling) (Cut to Gilmore house) RORY: Mom I have to go! It's almost 8 o'clock! (Lorelai running around her room getting ready) LORELAI: Wait! Have you seen my orange suede clip thingy? RORY: Top right hand drawer. LORELAI: It's not there. (Rory huffs and goes upstairs to help) RORY: Did you check in your purse? LORELAI: Yes. RORY: Under your scarves? LORELAI: Yes. (at the bedroom door) RORY: In your sock drawer? (Lorelai looks in the sock drawer and finds it.) LORELAI: (gasps) I love you. RORY: I'm gone. LORELAI: Bye (give Rory a kiss) LORELAI: Hey wait! RORY: What? LORELAI: Blue disco sequence bag? RORY: No! LORELAI: Why? RORY: Bad. LORELAI: Really? RORY: Bye. LORELAI: Bye! (pause) Wait-wait-wait! RORY: Mom come on! Mr. Medina's going to be here any minute! LORELAI: Ok, just tell me one more thing. Where's the silver dangly bracelet? RORY: I'm wearing it. LORELAI: Why are you wearing it? RORY: Because it's mine. LORELAI: Oh...right...Hey can I borrow your silver dangly bracelet? RORY: I'll leave it on the table for you. LORELAI: Thank you. (Rory heads for the door and the doorbell rings) LORELAI: What was that? RORY: The door bell rang? LORELAI: Why did the door bell ring? RORY: Because someone's at the door. (Lorelai comes down the stairs while Max listens from outside.) LORELAI: It's 8 o'clock. Who shows up at 8 o'clock for an 8 o'clock date? RORY: I don't know, maybe a Chilton teacher? LORELAI: Everybody knows that 8 o'clock means 8:20, 8:15 tops! RORY: Well obviously he was raised in a barn. LORELAI: I tell you, he's cute but this punctuality thing has knocked 10 points off the dream guy quotient. RORY: Mom what do I do? I'm not even supposed to be here. LORELAI: Ok so go! (Rory turns to leave) LORELAI: Oh wa-wa-wait! You have to get the door. RORY: What? LORELAI: Yeah, because I'm not ready. RORY: I'm not supposed to get the door remember, we agreed. I don't get the door when you have a date. LORELAI: I know but... RORY: I'm not even supposed to be here. That's the first rule of the 'Gilmore Dating Handbook'. (as Lorelai fiddle with her skirt zipper). Daughter shall be nowhere near house when said man materializes. It's a good rule, it 's been working. LORELAI: Ok, but he's standing out there and it's cold and my slip is now completely stuck in my skirt zipper and they'll have to bury me like this. RORY: Mom! LORELAI: Just this once! (as she runs upstairs) (Rory opens the door) RORY: Hi. MAX: Rory. RORY: Come on in. MAX: Thank you (clears his throat) RORY: Can I get you something, I mean we don't really have anything but if you wanted something and we had it, I'd be happy to get it for you. MAX: I'm fine. RORY: We have water. MAX: That's ok. RORY: It's not bad water actually. I mean it's not a funny colour or anything. MAX: I'm good. Really. RORY: We have bottled water. MAX: No thanks, RORY: One bottle actually. MAX: I-it's quite alright. RORY: We really need to go to the store. MAX: So..should we... RORY: Sit? Right. Yeah let's sit. (They move into living room) MAX: So, uh, what are your plans tonight? RORY: I'm going over to my friend Lane's house. MAX: Sounds good. RORY: And you guys are...? MAX: Dinner, movie - the usual. RORY: Right. (Both look upstairs. Max clears his throat.) MAX: This is a little uncomfortable. RORY: Yes it is. MAX: But the thing is, if things go well, the way I hope they're going, then we might be doing this again. RORY: Sitting uncomfortably? MAX: (laughs) Seeing each other outside of school. RORY: That's ok. I am fine with this whole you and my mom thing. MAX: Well good. I'm glad. RORY: Well, better go. (gets up to leave) MAX: It's good to talk to you Rory. (standing up) RORY: You too Mr. Medina. (She turns to leave) MAX: why don't you call me Max? Just when we're out of school. RORY: (turning back) I don't think I can do that. MAX: Why not? RORY: It just sounds wrong - disrespectful. I mean, you're my teacher Mr. Medina, and if I start to think of you as a 'Max' - even as a part-time 'Max', it just seems lit it would get too confusing. MAX: How 'bout then, we'll come up with non-Chilton names for each other. When we're not in school, I'll call you Rebecca. RORY: Rebecca. MAX: And you'll call me... RORY: Norman? MAX: Norman? RORY: Well... MAX: I look like a Norman to you? RORY: I'm sorry, 'Psycho' was on earlier and it was just the first name that came to mind. I'll think of something else. How about Alfred? MAX: You know what...Norman's fine. RORY: Are you sure? MAX: I'm positive, I love it. I might make a legal change. RORY: Ok. Well I better go. MAX: I hope you and Lane have a good time. RORY: Thanks. Oh, would you give this to my mom for me? MAX: Absolutely. RORY: Thanks. (Rory starts to leave.) RORY: Oh and Norman - have her home by 10. (Max waves her off) (Cut to Luke's) (Rory's sitting at the counter as Sookie and Jackson enter) SOOKIE: I can't believe you won't just sell them to me. JACKSON: And I can't believe you're being so small minded. SOOKIE: My stuffed fried squash blossoms are extremely popular with the customers. JACKSON: Yes I know. SOOKIE: People come from all over and demand the fried stuffed squash blossoms. JACKSON: That's exactly my point! SOOKIE: What'll you have sir? Anything that comes with the stuffed fried squash blossoms. That's what I hear day in and day out. JACKSON: Yes, great, I know, but all I'm asking you is to try stuffing something a little different this time huh? (holds up a zucchini tush) SOOKIE: A zucchini tush? JACKSON: Just a temporary name. SOOKIE: You want me to serve my customers a genetically engineered vegetable that's named after a butt? JACKSON: Hey this is an all natural vegetable hybrid that's perfectly safe, completely delicious, and yes it looks a little odd but you can put in on the map! SOOKIE: I want the blossoms. JACKSON: Fine. You wanna think small, think small. I'm done. (leaves) (Sookie sighs and sits next to Rory) RORY: Jackson invented a new vegetable again? SOOKIE: Yup. RORY: It's too bad that bowling league didn't work out for him. SOOKIE: Yeah. (Lorelai enters with skates over her shoulder) LORELAI: Hey, look I found them. RORY: Where? LORELAI: They were in that drawer with the roasting pans. RORY: Cool. SOOKIE: Oooh skates! LORELAI: Rory and I have a skating date. RORY: I'm Nancy Kerrigan. LORELAI: And I'm Tonya Harding. I'm gonna do the whole shoe lace coming untie - nervous break - let me start again act and everything. LUKE: (laughing) When was the last time you put those things on? LORELAI: Oh, you are constantly trying to ruin my fun. LUKE: Do they even fit anymore? LORELAI: Yes they fit. LUKE: They look rusted. LORELAI: Well...can I just have some coffee please? LUKE: (sighs) Hand them over. LORELAI: Why? LUKE: I'm gonna clean them and tighten the blades. LORELAI: Really!?! LUKE: Yes. LORELAI: Can you make them really shiny? LUKE: The skates please. LORELAI: Maybe add a couple of pompoms. LUKE: Just hand them over. LORELAI: Thank you! SOOKIE: You get really good service here. LORELAI: Yeah I do. (Sookie's pager goes off.) SOOKIE: Gotta go. LORELAI: Anything wrong? SOOKIE: Too much yeast, too little bowl. LORELAI: Enough said. LORELAI: (to Rory) So I think I'm just going to go for it and wear the fur-trimmed skating skirt, pride be damned. RORY: Hey, what if we invite Max to go skating with us? LORELAI: M-max? RORY: Yeah, I thought maybe he'd want to go. LORELAI: When did you start calling him Max? RORY: Well the other night he said that I should probably call him something other than Mr. Medina when we're outside of school. Which makes sense, so I'm getting used to saying 'Max'. LORELAI: W- you don't see him that much outside school. RORY: No, but I probably will since you guys are obsessed with each other. LORELAI: Yeah, well I wouldn't say 'obsessed'. RORY: No. It's ok, I mean of all the guys to have hanging around, he seems like a good choice. I like him. LORELAI: Good, well that's good. RORY: So what do you think about the skating? LORELAI: What? RORY: Mr. Medina - I'm sorry, Max? Do you think he'd wanna go? LORELAI: I don't thin he skates. (to Luke) Thanks. RORY: Well maybe we could all do something else together. LORELAI: Yeah, good. Something else is good. I love something else. (Cut to Gilmore house) (Kettle whistles.) SOOKIE: Ok, tea is ready. How are the feet? LORELAI: I don't know. They stopped talking to me. SOOKIE: What on earth were you thinking? LORELAI: That I could still skate. SOOKIE: It's not like riding a bike you know. LORELAI: Now you tell me. SOOKIE: So, (sitting at table) what are you up to tonight. LORELAI: Well, I'm going to do a little line dancing, then run a 10K, then just jump up and down really hard for about an hour. SOOKIE: No Max? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: Taking a night off? LORELAI: I don't seem him every night Sookie. SOOKIE: He seems like a great guy. LORELAI: He is. SOOKIE: That didn't sound very convincing. LORELAI: No, he is. He is a great guy - for someone. SOOKIE: For someone? LORELAI: Yes. SOOKIE: Someone else? LORELAI: Yes. SOOKIE: Someone else who is not you although you're the person spending every waking hour with him. LORELAI: Right. SOOKIE: Aha. How long have you been dating? LORELAI: Why? SOOKIE: Two months you've been seeing him right? LORELAI: Point Sookie? SOOKIE: Mmm. Just right on schedule that's all. LORELAI: I have no idea what you're talking about. SOOKIE: This is about the time you start doing you little getaway dance. Two months right on the nose - you're good. LORELAI: I do not do a dance. SOOKIE: You're cha-cha-cha-ing right now. LORELAI: I'm not cha-cha-cha-ing. I'm being practical. Rory is starting to get attached to Max and that's not good. SOOKIE: Oh Rory's getting attached to Max? LORELAI: Yes and since I've decided that Max is probably not the guy for me, I think it's better that we break it off before she gets hurt. SOOKIE: Practical LORELAI: Yes. SOOKIE: Uh, can I say something here? LORELAI: Of course you can. SOOKIE: Cha-cha-cha. LORELAI: Stop that. SOOKIE: (singing) Livin' la vida loca. LORELAI: Sookie. SOOKIE: Shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon. LORELAI: Hey, you will not stand there singing Ricky Martin songs to me. This is not a pattern ok? I'm not doing what I always do. This is not the same. SOOKIE: Actually you're right. Usually you don't get so upset and defensive during the cha-cha talk. LORELAI: (painfully) Ah! (as Sookie pours hot water into foot basin) SOOKIE: You must really like this guy. LORELAI: When did you become the relationship expert? You haven't been in a relationship in years. (Sookie looks sad as Lorelai realizes what she said). Wow! Zero to jackass in 3.2 seconds. SOOKIE: That's alright, your feet hurt. LORELAI: No it isn't. It's never ever ok for me to talk to you like that. I'm so so sorry. Please honey. SOOKIE: (sighs) I understand - really. You know it's not like I don't want a relationship. LORELAI: I know. I didn't mean anything by it. SOOKIE: (sighs) It's just - it's hard with my hours. I'm always at the inn, or at the market or at the hospital. LORELAI: Please - forgive me. Do you wanna...sing some more Ricky Martin to me? SOOKIE: No. LORELAI: You can you know - I deserver it. SOOKIE: (quietly) 'She's into superstition, black cats and voodoo dolls. (louder) I've got a premonition, that girl's gonna make me fall.' (imitates guitar tunes) (Cut to Chilton) TRISTIN: You know I heard that Paris' dad's actually got a second family in Paris. GUY: Whoa. TRISTIN: Yeah. (Rory rolls her eyes as she walks by.) MAX: Uh, Rory? RORY: Hey Mr. Medina. MAX: I enjoyed your paper on Dickenson. RORY: I had fun writing it. MAX: It showed. RORY: Thanks. MAX: You're welcome (Rory turns to go) Um, Rory? (Rory turns back) RORY: Yeah? MAX: No, that's it. That's all I wanted to say. RORY: My name? MAX: Yes. RORY: Ok. MAX: Actually I just wanted to see if Lore- (looks around) if your mom is coming to parent's day. RORY: Oh well... MAX: Cause I'm just trying to get an accurate number of parents who are coming - you know for the cookie count. (Rory smiles at him) MAX: Forget it. (sighing) RORY: She's coming. MAX: (relieved) I hadn't heard from her for a while about it and - RORY: She'll be here. MAX: Ok, good. Good. RORY: But you should put us down for four. MAX: Four what? RORY: Four cookies. MAX: Ok, good. I will. RORY: Bye. (Max sighs) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Gilmore house) (Lorelai is cleaning out the fridge.) LORELAI: Four slices pepperoni pizza. RORY: From? LORELAI: Tuesday? RORY: Last Tuesday? LORELAI: The Tuesday in the not so distant past. RORY: Toss it. (sits at table) So you remember Paris Geller. LORELAI: Your very best friend in the whole world? RORY: Her parents are getting a major divorce. LORELAI: Really. RORY: Her dad's like this big wig at a huge pharmaceutical company and they're printing all the sordid details about it in the paper. LORELAI: Ooh how sordid? RORY: Well, it's not the Rich James incident, but Hugh Grant should be feeling pretty good about himself. LORELAI: If she was anyone else in the entire universe I might feel bad for her. RORY: Actually I kind of do feel bad for her. LORELAI: That's because you are the nicest kid ever to walk the earth. RORY: The whole school's talking about it. And the weird thing is that the whole dynamics there has changed for me. LORELAI: Really? How so? (gets up to go towards fridge) RORY: Well, Madeline and Louise, Paris' best friends, they said hello to me the other day. (Both munching on cold fries) LORELAI: Really? Like a normal hello? Not like a 'Here's Johnny' kind of hello? RORY: Normal, friendly, no acts. LORELAI: Wow, you're the new 'Heather' RORY: I guess. (Lorelai pulls out another pizza box) LORELAI: Oh, hey, this is the pizza from mystery Tuesday. That one's completely fine (pointing to the one in the garbage bin.) RORY: Don't. LORELAI: It's in the box! RORY: Oscar! LORELAI: Felix! RORY: Forget it! LORELAI: Fine. (Rory goes back to table.) RORY: So how's 'Swann's Way' coming. LORELAI: Oh finished. RORY: You're kidding! It took me forever to read that. I had to renew it 10 times. LORELAI: The first sentence - I finished the first sentence. RORY: Aha. LORELAI: Yeah - it's just - I'm so swamped right now you know, it's the totally wrong time to start reading the longest book known to man. Hey maybe you could give it back to Max for me? RORY: Just bring it with you tomorrow. LORELAI: Tomorrow? RORY: Parent's day? LORELAI: I know (she didn't) I'm just - I'm not sure I'm going to be able to make it. RORY: What do you mean? LORELAI: Well I have that thing at the inn and I thought I could get away and now I can't. RORY: What thing? LORELAI: The thing - the inn thing? RORY: What inn thing? LORELAI: You know. RORY: No I don't. LORELAI: The thing at the inn with the flags and the little men and the peanuts - the thing. RORY: Little men? LORELAI: Forget it, it's not important - I just don't think I can go. RORY: Ok, fine. LORELAI: So, if you could give this book back to Max tomorrow - that would be great. RORY: Why don't you just give it back to him the next time you see him. LORELAI: Because I'm not sure when that would be and he should have his book. (getting a bit upset) RORY: You see him all the time. LORELAI: Rory, could you just (drops book on table) give it back to him ok? RORY: Are you breaking up with him? LORELAI: What are you talking about? RORY: Well he hasn't heard from you and now you're asking me to give him the book back. LORELAI: How do you know he hasn't heard from me? RORY: He wanted to know if you were going to Parent's day and then he mentioned that you guys hadn't talked lately. LORELAI: He shouldn't be asking you about me. RORY: Why are you breaking up with him? LORELAI: Because it's not working out. RORY: But you seemed so happy. LORELAI: It's not right - that's all. RORY: So that's why you're not going tomorrow? LORELAI: No, I'm not going tomorrow because of the thing at the inn. RORY: That's crap and you know it (upset) LORELAI: Hey - RORY: There is no thing at the inn, you're avoiding Mr. Medina and you're trying to lie to me and you promised you would go and - hey, do whatever you want. I don't care, just leave me out of it. And give him the book back yourself. (Rory goes to her room and slams the door.) LORELAI: Fine I will. (takes the pizza out of garbage.) (Cut to Chilton) LORELAI: Hey, not so fast. RORY: The bell's gonna ring. LORELAI: Before you go one more step - tell me you like me? RORY: You bug me. LORELAI: I'll take that as a yes. And I want you to know that I will deal with my issues with Max myself. RORY: Fine. LORELAI: Really. RORY: I believe you. LORELAI: So where are we going? RORY: To my locker to drop off some of this stuff. LORELAI: Great, let's do it. (see Paris and her mother by Paris' locker arguing) PARIS: You can't just leave now. MOM: Paris please. PARIS: At least come to my lit class. MOM: This place is giving me a headache. PARIS: Mom. MOM: Is your face breaking out? PARIS: No. MOM: You have not being using that cleanser have you? Now Dr. Yanalari prescribed that cleanser for a reason - to cleanse. PARIS: Just lit class. MOM: Paris with everything I have going on right now the last thing I need to do is face a bunch of bored people who are gossiping about me. I'll see you later at home. Use that cover stick I got you. (Paris sighs) LORELAI: I bet I'm looking pretty good to you right now. RORY: Yes you are. LORELAI: Hmm. So what's first? Wait don't tell me. RORY: English lit with Mr. Max Medina. LORELAI: Ok see I told you not to tell me. RORY: Sorry LORELAI: Mr. Medina's class huh? RORY: The fancy book owner himself. LORELAI: How does first annual mother/daughter ditch day sound? RORY: Not happening. LORELAI: Yeah yeah, ok - let's go. (Cut to Mr. Medina's class) MAX: On Monday we will start a two week of creative writing exercise, but that doesn't mean we stop reading. One of the greatest inspirations of working writers is the writing of other that they admire. Walt Whitman read Homer, Dante, Shakespeare. And the novelist Edna O'Brien has been quoted as saying 'that every writer should read some Proust every day' Now, at this point, normally I would impress the partens by pulling out a copy of Proust's 'Swann's Way' and reading a particularly difficult passage but alas, you're all saved. I have misplaced my copy. (bell rings) Oh that does is - parent's thanks for coming, students - papers on Whitman are due tomorrow and those of you who are just starting tonight - I'll be able to tell. LORELAI: So you go on ahead ok? I'm going to talk to Max for a second. RORY: Please be nice. LORELAI: I will, I will. LORELAI: (to Max) Hi. MAX: Hi - it's nice to see you. LORELAI: Yeah. I've been really busy. MAX: Oh sure - I assumed. LORELAI: I wanted to give this back to you. MAX: Keep it. LORELAI: I really liked it. I like the first 20 pages anyway, then I got busy and I can see you really need it so - (tries to give him the book) MAX: What's going on Lorelai? LORELAI: Nothing. I just don't think a book whose first sentence is 20 pages long is for me. MAX: Well I left four messages LORELAI: I know - I've been meaning to call. MAX: What's been keeping you? LORELAI: I don't know - things. MAX: Uh huh. LORELAI: Sorry. MAX: Sorry? LORELAI: That I didn't call. MAX: Ok. LORELAI: So - here. (tries to give him book again) MAX: Why do you keep on trying to give me the book? LORELAI: Because it's yours. MAX: Is there something going on here that I don't know about? LORELAI: Yeah, uh I hate Proust. MAX: Lorelai? LORELAI: Look, um Rory's out there waiting for me so... (tries to give him book again) MAX: Wa-wait a minute...Oh my God! I cannot believe what an idiot I am. LORELAI: What? MAX: You're breaking up with me aren't you? LORELAI: I don't know. MAX: Not only are you breaking up with me, you're doing it really badly. LORELAI: Am I being graded? MAX: No, I'm a little disappointed. I would've expected a better dumping from you. LORELAI: Nobody's dumping anyone. MAX: Really? Then what is this? LORELAI: I just need space. MAX: Well I don't. In fact I want as little space as possible. 100 clowns crammed into a Volkswagen. That's the kind of non-space I'm talking about. LORELAI: It's not working. MAX: It was working pretty good the other night. LORELAI: Look it is what I've been trying to tell you all along. This is a family. Rory and I, you walked into a family, but you weren't listening and now she's getting attached and I'm afraid she's gonna get hurt. MAX: So you solution to all of this is not to return my calls LORELAI: It just took me a while to figure things out and it all came clear when I realized how much we could hurt Rory. MAX: Don't you mean how much we could hurt Lorelai? LORELAI: Hey - I can take care of myself. MAX: I don't understand this. I thought we went through this. W-we decided she could handle it. LORELAI: Well maybe she can and maybe she can't. I'm not ready to find out. MAX: I'm not going to let you off that easily. LORELAI: Well there's nothing you can do about it. MAX: There has to be. LORELAI: There isn't. MAX: There is. LORELAI: Well no there isn't. MAX: Yes there is. LORELAI: What are we in high school? Well I know we are in a high school. MAX: This is so not you. LORELAI: Well, you don't know everything about me. MAX: I guess not, because I would've thought that blaming this all on Rory and giving me these lame apologies was weak, pathetic and beneath you. LORELAI: Just take you damn book MAX: You've missed me. LORELAI: Stop it. MAX: I know you did, you're missing me right now aren't you? (Lorelai sighs) MAX: Answer me. LORELAI: Look class is over - MAX: Well we're back in session. LORELAI: Well I didn't raise my hand so don't call on me! I came here to give you this book back, please take it. MAX: I swear to God if you try to give me that book one more time... (They kiss passionately. Outside the class Paris walks by and sees them kiss) (Cut to cafeteria) (Gets noisier and noisier as Paris walks from table to table talking to people. Tristin walks by Rory and makes a 'kiss' sound to her. Paris walks up to Rory.) RORY: What's going on? PARIS: Oh, everyone's just talking about the mom that Mr. Medina was seen kissing just now. RORY: What? PARIS: And the weird thing is - she looks a lot like your mom. RORY: What are you talking about? PARIS: Your mom - Mr. Medina, mouths open. I saw them. How's the coleslaw? Good? (walks away) (Lorelai walks into cafeteria) LORELAI: Hey, did you save me some jello? (Rory gets up and leaves) LORELAI: What? (follows Rory out) Rory?! Hey where are you gong? RORY: Were you kissing him? LORELAI: What? RORY: Mr. Medina, just now, were you kissing him? LORELAI: Yes. RORY: What the hell is wrong with you? LORELAI: I don't know. RORY: You said you were breaking up with him. LORELAI: I was. RORY: I know I told you to be nice to him but this was a little extreme don't you think? LORELAI: It wasn't supposed to happen. RORY: Paris saw you! It's all over the school! LORELAI: Oh God - oh Rory, I'm so sorry. I really am. See this is exactly why I didn't want to date him. RORY: You didn't want to date him so you wouldn't come to my school and kiss him and humiliate me? LORELAI: Yes that's exactly it. RORY: Why would you do this? LORELAI: Because I'm human, because I screwed up. I'm sorry. RORY: If you like him so much then why are you breaking up with him? LORELAI: Look, I broke the rules when I brought him into our lives and I realize now that that was a very bad idea. RORY: But why? LORELAI: Why?! Because we are standing in this stairwell yelling at each other that's why! Because it's affecting you, it's seeping into your life and that is the whole reason I made these rules in the first place. Is-is to protect you! RORY: You know what, maybe it was a good idea that you hid your personal life from me when I was a kid but I'm not a kid anymore. LORELAI: No, you're right. You're a 40 year old divorcee - my mistake. RORY: Ugh! I can't believe you're blaming this on me! LORELAI: I'm not blaming you! RORY: You made up these stupid rules years ago about the way the Gilmore women would run their lives and now you're sticking to them even though they're crazy! LORELAI: Oh hey my crazy, stupid rules are the reason we're doing so good in our lives. They're the reason you grew up the way you did, the reason you're even in this school and the reason you're going to go to Harvard so don't you dismiss my rules. RORY: Fine! Great! Well, maybe it's time for the rules to change! LORELAI: Yes, well that's for me to figure out, not you! RORY: Great! Fine! Well could you figure it out before French class because I'd rather you didn't start making out with Mrs. Collins. LORELAI: Hey no promises until I see what she looks like! (Cut to front of Grandma's house) LORELAI: Look, let's just refrain from fighting in front of the grandmother ok? RORY: Fine with me. LORELAI: The last thing I need tonight is a confrontation with my mother (rings doorbell) LORELAI: Hi mom, boy the roads were a mess out there tonight. (entering) GRANDMA: Rory go upstairs please. RORY: Is everything ok? GRANDMA: I have to talk to your mother, please go upstairs. RORY: Well - GRANDMA: Now Rory. GRANDMA: (walks into living room) Lorelai come here! LORELAI: Gee mom, did I do something wrong? GRANDMA: I try to understand you, I truly do. But sometimes your behaviour baffles me beyond belief. LORELAI: And which behaviour is this? GRANDMA: Do you have no shame? LORELAI: Is that intended as a rhetorical question or - ? GRANDMA: Rory goes to school in that place, she has a reputation to protect. You're her mother. LORELAI: How did you - GRANDMA: You're supposed to shield her from shame not cause it. LORELAI: Oh mom? GRANDMA: Kissing a teacher...in a classroom...on parent's day! LORELAI: Well...they wanted us to get more involved with the school. GRANDMA: Are you insane? LORELAI: No but you are if you think I'm discussing this with you. GRANDMA: When I heard I almost fainted. LORELAI: How did you hear mom? GRANDMA: I have friends Lorelai. Headmaster Charleston's wife for one. LORELAI: Oh, that's great. GRANDMA: The entire school is talking about it. And what do I say, how do I defend this? LORELAI: It was a mistake. GRANDMA: A mistake? A mistake? Is that what you call it a mistake? LORELAI: Well I tried to call it 'Al' but it would only answer to 'mistake'. GRANDMA: A mistake is when you throw out your credit card bill - a mistake is when you forget to RSVP to a dinner party - a mistake is when the gardeners miss trash day and the barrels are full for a week. This my girl, was not a mistake! Do you even know this man? LORELAI: Ah, no, this is the first time I'd seen him and I don't know, there was just something about the way he held the chalk and - GRANDMA: This is not the time for your jokes. LORELAI: Yes I knew him. I've been dating him. GRANDMA: Why on earth would you date Rory's teacher? LORELAI: That's none of your business. GRANDMA: It most certainly is. LORELAI: How do you figure that? GRANDMA: When it affects my granddaughter it becomes my business. LORELAI: I don't want to talk about this with you! GRANDMA: I just want to know what you were thinking. What was the reasoning? How on earth did you justify it to yourself? LORELAI: Max is a great guy. An amazing guy! He's smart, he's sweet (teary) he cooks. GRANDMA: So you decided to kiss him in your daughter's school. LORELAI: No, I decided to breakup with him in my daughter's school and the kissing part just happened. GRANDMA: You always let your emotions get in the way. That's the problem with you Lorelai - you don't think. LORELAI: Mom - please. GRANDMA: He's just a man Lorelai. LORELAI: No he's not. GRANDMA: Oh so what are you telling me. That this was all worth it because he was the love of you life, that this was the man for you. LORELAI: I don't know. He might have been. Excuse me (leaves room) (Cut to Chilton cafeteria) (Rory sitting at a table. Paris, Louise and Madeline walk up behind her.) LOUISE: See, I told you he wouldn't date a teacher. PARIS: I wish my mom would sleep with my teacher, it would make midterms a lot easier. (Rory slams her book closed, stands up and turns to face them) RORY: Madeline, Louise, would you excuse us for a minute? LOUISE: Ooh cat fight. RORY: Go. PARIS: You're not going to kiss me are you? (smiling) RORY: What's wrong with you? PARIS: Nothing I'm great. RORY: You've just spent the past two weeks with all of your family's private problems printed in the newspaper for everyone to read and talk about. I saw how you walked around here! I saw how much you hated it. And then you turn around and pull something like this? Doesn't that seem crazy to you? Do you have any idea how many people you've hurt? Forget me and my mom, what about Mr. Medina? He likes you, he encourages you. He hold up your papers and tells the class how great you are. And then you turn around and spread stories about him. (pause). Whatever, forget it. You have no idea what I'm talking about. (grabs her stuff and starts to leave) PARIS: I do like Mr. Medina. RORY: Well I'd take some dance lessons cause the way you express yourself needs a little work. PARIS: I...probably shouldn't have told people what I saw. RORY: No you shouldn't have. PARIS: I'm sorry...things have been...well...not good lately. RORY: I know. PARIS: I just didn't want them talking about me anymore, that's all. RORY: Well, it worked. PARIS: Yeah. RORY: You know, i-if you want to talk - PARIS: Hey, we are not friends. RORY: Oh that I know. But if you ever do...want to talk about - PARIS: I will, if I want to. RORY: Ok. PARIS: But I probably won't. RORY: That's fine. PARIS: But if I do - RORY: I'm around. PARIS: Ok. I'm going now. RORY: Bye. PARIS: Bye. (Paris starts to leave and turns around) PARIS: I doubt I will. RORY: I'm not holding my breath. (sighs and leaves) (Cut to Independence Inn kitchen) (Jackson drops a box of squash blossoms on the counter) JACKSON: There - squash blossoms. All large enough for you to stuff and fry up and serve to the desensitize masses who just want what they know. Hurrah! Mediocrity wins again! SOOKIE: Jackson? JACKSON: You know what, I'm not even gonna charge you for these. I am not going to profit off the death of creativity. I would rather starve myself than know that my food was paid for by the lowered expectations of the American public. (starts to leave) SOOKIE: Jackson? JACKSON: What?! SOOKIE: Would you like to go to dinner sometimes...with me? JACKSON: Ok. SOOKIE: Ok. (Jackson leaves, Sookie's smiling.) (Cut to coffee shop in Hartford) (Max sitting at the counter) MAX: Thanks (to waiter) (Lorelai walks in) LORELAI: Hey Mister, wanna buy a really nice copy of Proust? MAX: How ya doing? LORELAI: Hmm. Well you know. You? MAX: Well you know it also. (Lorelai sits) LORELAI: So that parent's day is fun. MAX: Oh, it was a big hit this year (both laugh a little) LORELAI: Look, the other day, we were going skating, and Rory said "Why don't we invite Max to come along with us" and that was a little weird for me. MAX: Me too. I don't skate. LORELAI: She's never really referred to anyone I've dated by their first name before. I always kept her out of that part of my life, so it was like "the mustache guy", "the earring guy", "the peg leg guy". MAX: Oh so you have a thing for pirates. LORELAI: She never called anyone by their name before. She likes you. She likes us. So my mind instantly went to "Oh my God, what if we break up, she'll be crushed" and then my next thought was "Oh my God, what if we break up, I'll be crushed". And then as you know all hell broke loose. MAX: I understand. LORELAI: I freaked out. I'm so sorry. I never meant to treat you like that, I'm not very good at this, ask Skippy. MAX: Skippy? LORELAI: (shaking her head) I'm so so sorry. MAX: I was called into headmaster Charleston's office today. LORELAI: Let me guess. He put his arm around you and said "I don't understand why you crazy kids can't work this out?" MAX: He said that I was jeopardizing my career and future at Chilton. LORELAI: Oh! MAX: At first I was incensed, outraged and "How dare he?!". And then I realized that he was right. What happened the other day was completely unprofessional. I never in my life would've considered pulling off something like this. He should've fired me. LORELAI: But he didn't. MAX: Not yet, but the word 'probation' was tossed around quite a bit though. LORELAI: I'm sorry. MAX: I'm the one that started the kiss. LORELAI: And I'm the one that knocked it up to NC-17. MAX: I honestly did not think that this was going to be so complicated. LORELAI: I know. MAX: I mean you told it would be. I didn't listen, I didn't want to. LORELAI: It's not your fault. If I hadn't acted like a two year old and tried to run away and pretend that you weren't what you are to me, then we wouldn't have fought, we wouldn't have kissed, I wouldn't have humiliated my daughter and the whole thing would've been fine. MAX: (sighs) I do not know what to do here. I-I've never been in a relationship like this before. I'm not thinking straight. LORELAI: I know, me either. MAX: That was a great kiss. LORELAI: Beyond great. MAX: Maybe we need to take a little time away from each other. LORELAI: Ok. (upset) MAX: You know, just to figure out how to do this so it's not so hard. LORELAI: Sure...that makes sense. MAX: I just - I don't have any other answers right now. LORELAI: No you're right. You're absolutely right. (pause) I really really like you Max Medina MAX: I really really like you Lorelai Gilmore. LORELAI: Well, as long as we got that straightened out. MAX: Goodbye Lorelai (gets up and leaves) LORELAI: (whispers) Bye. (Cut to Gilmore house) (Rory comes home) RORY: Mom! Mom, I'm home! (Goes upstairs) RORY: Mom? (Finds Lorelai laying on her bed crying. Rory strokes her hair in comfort and lays down with her and hugs her.)
doc_242	OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory pulls up in her car, grabs some bags from the trunk, then walks into the house. An alarm starts blaring.] LORELAI: Oh, crap! [tries to turn off the alarm] RORY: What's going on? Is it the smoke detector? Are we on fire? LORELAI: It's not the smoke detector, it's the alarm! RORY: What alarm? LORELAI: Our alarm. RORY: We don't have an alarm. LORELAI: Well, then, we have really angry rats. Did you cut your hair? RORY: Well, I just trimmed it. LORELAI: You didn't tell me you were cutting your hair. RORY: It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. LORELAI: A spur-of-the-moment, "let's not tell my mother I'm pulling a G.I. Jane"? RORY: Are we seriously gonna have this conversation now during the air raid? LORELAI: You're right. Come on. [leads her to the other side of the room] RORY: What are we doing? LORELAI: I figured out that there is a motion detector, and if you stand over here, it can't see you and calms down. RORY: Great, so what now? LORELAI: We wait. So why didn't you tell me you were getting your hair cut? RORY: It's just a trim. LORELAI: To the Braille Institute, it's just a trim. RORY: Do you like it? LORELAI: Will you put it back if I don't? RORY: Mom! LORELAI: Yes, I like it. RORY: Thank you. [the alarm stops] RORY: Oh, thank God. LORELAI: Feels good when it's over, huh? RORY: This is crazy. When did we get an alarm? LORELAI: Well, apparently, Kirk. . . RORY: Oh, no. LORELAI: . . .has recently joined the Stars Hollow Security Company. RORY: Oh, no. LORELAI: And apparently, now that I'm the pretty spinster living all alone, he's concerned for my safety. RORY: Did he tell you all this? LORELAI: Do you think I labeled myself the pretty spinster? RORY: What did you say? LORELAI: I haven't talked to him face-to-face. I come home to this and there was a note and his card and his gun. RORY: Oh, jeez! LORELAI: Yeah, and then when I called the alarm-response center to complain about the alarm, no one answered. I had to leave a message with Meg - she sweeps up. RORY: I can't even believe there's a security company in Stars Hollow. Nothing ever happens here. LORELAI: Oh, that is not true. Plenty happens here. RORY: Like what? LORELAI: Like, people now break into your houses and install alarm systems. RORY: I heard about that. LORELAI: And we have a new mail carrier. RORY: We do? LORELAI: Yeah, so now if you wanna get your mail, you just have to go see Miss Patty. RORY: Why? LORELAI: 'Cause that's where he brings it. He brings Babette's mail to Andrew's, Norma's mail to the deli, and Taylor still hasn't found his mail, which I have to admit is kind of fun. RORY: I rescind my previous statement. This place is hopping. LORELAI: So, did you eat yet? RORY: Nope. I thought I'd let you feed me. LORELAI: Sure. I can feed you, but I can't know if you're getting your hair cut. RORY: I will never do anything again without telling you - happy? LORELAI: I don't know. I'm finding this whole guilt thing rather satisfying. [Rory starts to walk away] No, no, where are you going? [The alarm starts blaring again] Agh! Why did you do that? RORY: I was gonna get my laundry! LORELAI: You made it mad! RORY: I didn't mean to! LORELAI: Back in the corner, back in the corner! RORY: Oh. LORELAI: No place like home, huh? RORY: Yeah. [opening credits] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai is making a trail of Post-It notes on the floor through the house; Rory comes out of her bedroom] RORY: Mom? LORELAI: Follow the Post-It's. RORY: Does our life seem at all ridiculous to you? LORELAI: I spent all morning carefully tracking that motion detector. RORY: What an excellent use of your time. LORELAI: We're good as long as we stay on the path. RORY: So I should follow the yellow stick road? LORELAI: We'll be here all week, try the veal. Stop. RORY: What? LORELAI: Read. RORY: "Crouch down and hop." Oh, come on. LORELAI: The motion-detector beam at the top of the staircase dips very low over there. RORY: You seriously want me to crouch down and hop? LORELAI: Like a little hunchbacked bunny. RORY: You know, I had decided that if I ever went to therapy, I was gonna leave you out of it, but now. . . LORELAI: Okay, you can stand up. RORY: Did you at least call the stupid security company again? LORELAI: Yes, Meg sends her love. Don't worry - I'll stop by on my way to the inn. And what are your plans today, Persis Khambata? RORY: Well, today, I'm going to do nothing but hang out in town, read, veg, drink coffee, and have the perfect Stars Hollow day. LORELAI: Look out. I get to go over to the inn and hear a contractor laugh at me every time I say, "But that won't cost too much more, right?" RORY: Enjoy. LORELAI: Late lunch at Luke's? RORY: You're on. So, uh, which way do I go? LORELAI: Oh, just follow the Post-It's. RORY: But they're going in two different directions. LORELAI: They are? RORY: Look. LORELAI: Oh. I must have kicked some out of the way by accident. RORY: Well, which one do I take? LORELAI: Which looks more intentional? RORY: No Post-It path looks intentional. LORELAI: I'm drawing a complete blank. RORY: You seriously don't remember? LORELAI: Sorry. RORY: Well, how are we supposed to get out of our house? [Lorelai, imitating Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie, crosses her arms, nods her head, and blinks] LORELAI: Unng! RORY: I hate Kirk. CUT TO THE GAZEBO [Rory is sitting on the bench reading and listening to music. A man walks up and sets down a box] RORY: Whoa. What's going on? MAN: I'm just setting things up for tomorrow. RORY: Oh, tomorrow. What's - MAN 2: Heads up! [another man throws a package of tablecloths to the man in the gazebo] RORY: Whoa. MAN: I think you may need to move. RORY: Yeah, I kinda got that. Excuse me. What's tomorrow? [Across the lawn, Lindsay and her mom are talking with a wedding planner] LINDSAY: . . .tons of tulle so that everything looks like frosting. MRS. LISTER: She's our only daughter - frost the town. LINDSAY: Now, where should we put the poster? I want to make sure everybody sees it. MRS. LISTER: Oh, what about next to the cake? LINDSAY: Yes, next to the cake. [Rory walks away in the other direction] CUT TO KIM'S ANTIQUES [Rory walks in] RORY: Lane. LANE: Rory. RORY: Have you heard of a phone? Because as my friend, it is your responsibility to use it to call me and tell me that my ex-boyfriend's wedding is on Sunday so I'm not accidentally in it. LANE: What? RORY: I'm sitting out in the gazebo, reading, and this guy almost brains me with a stack of tablecloths. LANE: Oh, that's right, they're having their reception in the town square. RORY: Yes, and Lindsay was out there holding a giant picture of her with Dean, and. . . LANE: Oh my God, did she see you? RORY: I don't think so. I do a pretty good idiot run when I need to. LANE: I'm sorry, I meant to tell you. I just didn't know you were coming home this weekend. It totally slipped my mind. Things have been so crazy. I just figured I'd tell you when we talked, and then we didn't, and. . .oh, I'm sorry, can you hold on for a sec? [She opens an armoire. Zach and Brian are inside] ZACH: Not cool, Lane. LANE: I'm sorry, guys. BRIAN: Fourth time today. LANE: Well, I thought Rory was my mom. ZACH: The resemblance is uncanny. BRIAN: We should get your mom a bell like a cat. RORY: What's going on? LANE: We're having a band meeting. We need to figure out what to do about a guitarist. BRIAN: I think I got a splinter. ZACH: You know that a splinter can get into your bloodstream, go straight to your heart, and kill you. BRIAN: Why would you tell me that? ZACH: Whatever, dude. This is lame. I'm gonna bail. LANE: Zach, come on. BRIAN: We need to find a guitarist. LANE: That's right. We have come too far to let the band fall apart just because Dave - ZACH: Hey, do not say the "d" word, Lane. LANE: But - ZACH: Don't. LANE: Dave - ZACH: Dave is dead to me. Comprendo? Dead. Cover the mirror, rip a shirt, that guy doesn't exist. BRIAN: He just went to college, Zach. ZACH: No, he did not just go to college. He walked out on his art, man. He walked out on his sound. Do you think a sound is so easy to find? Did you ever see that Glenn Miller movie? For two hours, Jimmy Stewart's walking around, "I gotta find a sound. I gotta find a sound." Well, we had a sound and Dave took that sound to freaking California. You don't come back from California, man. It changes you. LANE: What did you expect him to do - not go to college? ZACH: No true rock 'n' roller goes to college! RORY: Mick Jagger went to the London School of Economics. ZACH: What? RORY: Yeah, and, uh, Dexter Holland of The Offspring got his PhD in molecular biology at USC. Greg Ginn of Black Flag graduated from UCLA. The guy from Bad Religion got his masters in geology from UCLA, and he's working on his PhD in evolutionary biology at Cornell. ZACH: Lane, she's your friend. RORY: I'm sorry. Um, I'm going. I'll call you later. LANE: Hey, are you mad? RORY: No, I'm not, I promise. I'm just - I'm just a little surprised. I mean, Dean's wedding. . . LANE: I know. RORY: But it's okay. It just means that I have to be a little more careful about where I go this weekend, that's all. LANE: Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow. We're using the garage - guitar auditions. RORY: Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. ZACH: Shut up, shut up, shut up. Weezer did not go to Harvard. BRIAN: Not the whole band, just the lead - ZACH: Get away from me! I mean it. RORY: Bye. LANE: Bye. [Rory leaves. She sees Dean out front on the sidewalk] RORY: Hi. DEAN: Hi. Uh, were you. . . RORY: Oh, I was at, uh, Lane's. DEAN: Right, Lane's. Um. RORY: Um. DEAN: So, you're home this weekend. RORY: Yeah, I, uh, I ran out of clean clothes and quarters, so. . .how are things? DEAN: Good. You? RORY: Good. DEAN: You like Yale? RORY: I love Yale. DEAN: I figured. RORY: And Connecticut State? DEAN: It's. . .it's good. RORY: Oh, good. I'm glad it's good. I mean, not that I would have had any recourse if it wasn't, but, uh, this makes my lack of recourse a lot easier to deal with. So, I see you've taken over the town. DEAN: Oh, yeah. Uh, well, Lindsay thought. . .she likes the gazebo, and. . . RORY: And it's her wedding. DEAN: It is her wedding. RORY: And your wedding. I mean, it's your wedding, too. DEAN: Yes, it is. It's my wedding, too. RORY: Well, it's nice. It's, um, it's pretty. It looks like heaven or a Victoria's Secret commercial, which, to some people is basically the same thing. DEAN: I didn't know you'd be home this weekend. RORY: It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing. DEAN: Because if I had known, I would have, you know, invited you. RORY: Oh. Oh, well, it's. . . DEAN: I mean, I didn't want you to think I was just not inviting you. RORY: No, I didn't think that. DEAN: I just figured you'd be at school. RORY: 'Cause you're logical. DEAN: I just didn't know. RORY: No, I know you didn't know. DEAN: I didn't want you to think - RORY: No, I didn't think. I don't think. I go to Yale now. They think for you. DEAN: But, hey, since you are here, come. RORY: Come? DEAN: To my wedding. Come to my wedding. RORY: Oh, Dean. . . DEAN: You and Lorelai, I want you to. RORY: Well. . . DEAN: Chicken or beef? RORY: What? DEAN: Wait, beef. Of course, beef. I mean, the two of you are definitely beef. I mean, not like you resemble beef or anything. RORY: You know, you don't even have to - DEAN: Okay, so, noon at the church. I'll be the one in the tux. And don't worry, we didn't write our own vows and no one's singing opera. I know you think that's lame. RORY: Oh, no, well, it's a wedding. It's supposed to be. . .operatic. DEAN: Okay, so, I better get over there. Lindsay's expecting me. Uh, so, I'll just see you two tomorrow. RORY: But. . . CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai is in the living room staring at the alarm system control pad] KIRK: [calls from upstairs] Now? LORELAI: Nothing. KIRK: What about now? LORELAI: No, nothing. KIRK: Okay. Now? LORELAI: Nothing. Kirk, what's supposed to happen? KIRK: What? LORELAI: I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking for. Kirk? KIRK: I'm not sure. LORELAI: Kirk, please come downstairs. KIRK: Are you going to hurt me? LORELAI: Kirk. KIRK: [walking downstairs] I swear, they told me it would be self-explanatory. I just had to get in the main box, and in seconds, this thing would be disabled. They didn't tell me that I needed a key or that if I didn't have a key, that I would be mildly electrocuted, and then, after all that, when I got in the box, there's nothing self-explanatory about it. LORELAI: Kirk. KIRK: I was trying to do a nice thing. LORELAI: I know. KIRK: And Jimmy said he would install it for me because I do not have those skills yet. The class was full by the time I got there. LORELAI: That's okay. KIRK: Damn my constant tardiness. LORELAI: Kirk, please, what can we do right now? The alarm is just so loud. KIRK: Yeah, that's my fault, too. I asked Jimmy to really crank it up. LORELAI: Well, he did. KIRK: If you're gonna have an alarm, you need it loud. You don't want some crazed, knife-wielding gunman at your throat and the neighbors are going, like, "Is that a fan? Did I leave the water running?" You want them to know, "Hey, that's an alarm." LORELAI: Your imaginary attacker has a knife and a gun? KIRK: And a really dirty tank top. LORELAI: Okay. So, uh, Jimmy's out of town, but until he gets back, we can. . . KIRK: Change the code. LORELAI: Really? To something I know? KIRK: You can pick it. LORELAI: You know how to do that? KIRK: Yes, I do. LORELAI: That is perfect. KIRK: Okay, here we go. Just punch in a 7-number sequence. LORELAI: You got it. [Sookie walks in] SOOKIE: Hey. LORELAI: Hi. SOOKIE: Did you know your phone's not working? LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: I've been calling you for an hour. I had the operator check it. She said it's cut off or something. LORELAI: It was working this morning. KIRK: I'll be right back. LORELAI: Kirk! KIRK: I have tape. [goes upstairs] SOOKIE: You look tired. LORELAI: Yeah, well, Kirk. SOOKIE: Right. Hey, listen, I got a call today. LORELAI: From? SOOKIE: Michel. A very upset Michel. LORELAI: Why? SOOKIE: Well, apparently, he called you and you never called him back. LORELAI: When did he call me? SOOKIE: He said he called you in July. LORELAI: I was in Europe in July. SOOKIE: I think that he thinks we're trying to ease him out of the Dragonfly. LORELAI: Oh, come on. Why would he think that? SOOKIE: I don't know, but he was so hysterical that his voice got into that high-pitched squeal he does, and all I could make out was "fire" and "abandon me" and something about not receiving a thank-you card for the Statue of Liberty. LORELAI: That is crazy. He knows we always intended to take him with us. I mean, we love Michel, right? SOOKIE: Right. He's the best concierge in the world. LORELAI: Absolutely. A little abrasive. SOOKIE: Kind of impatient. LORELAI: But charming. SOOKIE: And great at what he does, knows the community. LORELAI: Willing to go that extra mile. SOOKIE: Tiny bit obnoxious. LORELAI: Makes you want to scream, "life's too short!" two, three times a day, but. . . SOOKIE: Picture life without him. We do need him, right? LORELAI: Let's just go down there and talk to him. SOOKIE: Right. CUT TO FANCY HOTEL [Lorelai and Sookie walk in] LORELAI: Well, we know where all those Calvin Klein ads went to die. SOOKIE: They look like they all had the same mother. LORELAI: That must be one tired supermodel. [a woman walks by] LORELAI: Excuse me, we're look- [the woman ignores her and keeps walking] LORELAI: I wouldn't talk to us either. SOOKIE: Hey, talk to a boy. A boy will be nice to you. LORELAI: Okay. [they walk up to the front desk] LORELAI: Hi. Excuse me, we're looking for Michel Gerard. CONCIERGE: The corner of Mercer and Broom. LORELAI: Excuse me? [the man points to his headset] LORELAI: Oh, Janet Jackson's on the phone. SOOKIE: Oh. CONCIERGE: Uh huh, no worries. Hi. SOOKIE: Us? CONCIERGE: Yes. LORELAI: Oh. SOOKIE: We're looking for Michel Gerard. CONCIERGE: Michel. SOOKIE: Yes, Michel Ger. . . Janet again. LORELAI: She's very needy lately. CONCIERGE: You have some guests at the front desk. Uh-huh. No worries. He comes like the wind. LORELAI: Thanks. He doesn't need our thanks. SOOKIE: Well, he has Janet, so. . . [Michel walks through the lobby toward the front desk talking on a headset] MICHEL: You have reservations at Tamtam at 7:00. Do not order the duck because it will take forever and you will miss the curtain. If you have any problems at all, you have my pager number. Just call me. Goodbye. [to Lorelai and Sookie] Well, look who the cat dragged in. LORELAI: Hi, Michel. We've missed you. MICHEL: Yes? Well, I have missed you, too. LORELAI: This place is wonderful. SOOKIE: You look so important, walking around, talking to yourself. But you're not really talking to yourself. You're actually talking to someone else in a headset with your headset. LORELAI: How are you? MICHEL: Me? I am wonderful, and yourselves? LORELAI: We're great, and we're breaking ground on the inn on Monday. MICHEL: Oh, yes. Is that still happening? LORELAI: It is still happening. MICHEL: Well, that's lovely. There's a small charge for the use of the internet. All instructions are in the minibar. I'm so pleased. LORELAI: Listen, Michel, I know you're a little upset with me. MICHEL: Upset? I don't think so. SOOKIE: It's okay, I told her about the call. MICHEL: What call? SOOKIE: The call you made to me yesterday, the one where you told me that you called Lorelai and she didn't call back. MICHEL: I make so many calls. SOOKIE: The one where you cried. MICHEL: Are you sure it wasn't another Michel? SOOKIE: You called me! You kept me on the phone for over an hour. I missed the beginning of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and by the time I got back, they were all gay. LORELAI: Okay, it doesn't matter. We just want you to know if there was any misunderstanding about wanting you to come with us to the Dragonfly, well, we're sorry. SOOKIE: I'm not. MICHEL: Well, that's very sweet of you to say. Thank you. LORELAI: Unless you don't want to come with us. I mean, this place is very impressive, and I would understand if you didn't want to leave. MICHEL: Yes, this place is impressive, isn't it? I mean, the uniform alone - like working in your jammies. And these headsets, are they not fabulous? Especially when, for example, you're in the bathroom, a place one would normally choose to be alone, then suddenly, bang, someone is yakking in your ear. How delightful. You can never get lonely. LORELAI: I suppose not. MICHEL: And the people who work here. . .a joy. So young, so talented. Some of them are actors in ambitious off-Broadway revues. They play cockroaches and derelicts and do Shakespeare dressed like punk rockers. It gives me chills just thinking about it. Yes, extra towels are complimentary, Matthew, and stop asking me who the hottie I'm talking to is. I'll tell you what, I'll think about it and get back to you, okay? LORELAI: Nice to have you aboard, Michel. MICHEL: I'm busy, go. Thank God. Matthew, what? CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai and Rory are sitting at a table] LORELAI: So, he invited us to his wedding. RORY: And we're having beef. LORELAI: Well, what was his body language like? RORY: Tall. LORELAI: No, I mean, did he squirm or back away when he invited you or was he all darty-eyed? RORY: Not much squirming, no backing away, but there was a little bit of darty-eye. LORELAI: So, he was nervous. RORY: Well, we were both nervous. I mean, we didn't expect to run into each other, and I think he probably just invited us 'cause he felt like he had to, to be nice. LORELAI: That does sound like Dean. RORY: So, what do we do? Do we go? LORELAI: Oh, I can't decide this. He's your ex-boyfriend. RORY: It seems weird that we go. LORELAI: Then we don't go. RORY: But if we don't go, it may look like we're trying to make some kind of statement. LORELAI: Then we go. RORY: If I had just stayed at Lane's for two more minutes. . . LORELAI: Yeah, fate. RORY: Yes, it is fate. Do we ignore fate? LORELAI: I don't know. Do you have any important papers due soon? RORY: Why? LORELAI: Just in case. RORY: Fate's gonna flunk me? LORELAI: It's always a possibility. RORY: Well, then that's it. We are going. LUKE: Going where? RORY: Dean's wedding. Fate's making us. LORELAI: I hope fate will cough up forty bucks for a salad spinner for him. LUKE: Please, there is no fate. LORELAI: What do you mean there is no fate? Of course there is fate. LUKE: There is no fate, there is no destiny, there is no luck. Astrology is ridiculous. Tarot cards tell you nothing. You cannot read a palm. Tea leaves make tea and nothing else. Jim Morrison is not hanging out with Elvis, and the Kennedys did not kill Marilyn. LORELAI: I totally knew you were gonna say that. LUKE: I came over here. My fault. LORELAI: I read your mind. It spoke to me. We're psychic. LUKE: Enjoy the fries. LORELAI: So where does this leave us? RORY: Well, I think that Dean's gonna expect us to go, and it is his day, and I don't want him to feel like I don't care about him. LORELAI: I know. ORY: I just want him to be happy. LORELAI: Okay, we'll get him a salad spinner first thing tomorrow morning. RORY: Thank you. [Miss Patty walks in] MISS PATTY: Oh, there you are. Honey, I've got your mail. LORELAI: Oh, great. MISS PATTY: Oh, I'm exhausted. I've been looking all over town for you. LORELAI: Oh, Patty, you could have just left me a message. I would have stopped by and picked it up. MISS PATTY: Oh, there was something marked urgent in there, and I just wanted to make sure you got it. LORELAI: Hm, thank you. MISS PATTY: All right, I'm leaving. Oh, I'm gonna kill that mail carrier. I don't care if he doesn't have a tongue. [leaves] RORY: Our new mail carrier doesn't have a tongue? LORELAI: You've got to be kidding me. RORY: That's what Patty just said. LORELAI: No, Taylor has sent me a cease and desist order on the inn. RORY: What? LORELAI: [reads letter] "Dear Lorelai Gilmore, it has come to the attention of the Stars Hollow Historical Preservation Society that you and Miss Sookie St. James intend to commence construction on the Dragonfly Inn. Any proposed renovations must be submitted, discussed, and approved by the Stars Hollow Historical Preservation Society. We must therefore ask that all work halt until such time that this procedure has been followed. Thank you, and have a historical day." Is he kidding? RORY: What are you gonna do? LORELAI: I'm going to talk to him. RORY: Cool. LORELAI: Don't say cool like that. It's gonna be very pleasant. RORY: I thought you said you were gonna go talk to Taylor. LORELAI: I own my own business now, Rory. I'm gonna have to deal with tiny men like Taylor all the time. You can't go around yelling at people, no matter how historical they might be. RORY: Bummer. LORELAI: You have to learn to separate the personal from the business. RORY: Okay. [they walk outside and head toward the soda shop] LORELAI: Remember in The Godfather, Michael telling Sonny how he was gonna kill Tattaglia and Captain McCluskey in that Italian restaurant? He lays out the whole thing very calmly, very unemotionally, 'cause that's what you do in business. RORY: Yeah, but then he went and shot two guys in the head. LORELAI: Okay, but I wasn't describing that scene. CUT TO THE SODA SHOP TAYLOR: [to customer] But if you know you already like lime, then you're not sampling, you're savoring, and that's just gluttonous. [Lorelai and Rory walk in] LORELAI: Hi, Taylor. TAYLOR: Well, hello there. Lorelai, Rory, what can I get for you? LORELAI: Oh, well, gosh, look at all the choices, really hard to pick. I think I'll try a scoop of butter brickle crunch. Rory? RORY: I'll try the chocolate chocolate chocolate. TAYLOR: Coming right up. LORELAI: Listen, Taylor, while I have you here, um, I received this letter in the mail, and I'm having kind of a blond day, and I wonder if you could explain this to me. TAYLOR: Well, it says you have to get approval before you can start construction on the inn. LORELAI: That's what I thought it said. Well, I have to tell you, Taylor, I'm a little concerned because we have a construction crew coming Monday, so. . .yikes. TAYLOR: Well, the Dragonfly is a historical building, Lorelai. LORELAI: Yeah, but the whole town is a historical building, Taylor. I mean, George Washington ate, slept, or blew his nose all over the damn place. TAYLOR: He only blew his nose in the park. You've read the sign. LORELAI: Taylor, that inn needs love. It's falling down. Sookie and I have no intention of ruining its historical aspect. We'd just like some running water. TAYLOR: Running water was not always historical. LORELAI: You're not seriously telling me I can't put in running water? RORY: Oh, my God, this is incredible. It's called chocolate chocolate chocolate, but it's seriously chocolate chocolate chocolaty. Sorry. TAYLOR: I'm just telling you, there are rules and they have to be followed. LORELAI: Fine. What do I have to do to get the Historical Preservation Society's stamp of approval? TAYLOR: Well, a formal presentation is necessary. LORELAI: Uh-huh. When? TAYLOR: Uh, any town function or gathering is open to a presentation, Lorelai. LORELAI: Okay, so, like, the town meeting tonight? TAYLOR: If you like. LORELAI: The town meeting it is. TAYLOR: Oh, now, don't look sad. I went through this with my place, too. Of course, I knew the rules so I didn't get the embarrassing letter. LORELAI: Right, okay, great. Well, we'll see you later, Taylor. TAYLOR: Oh, uh. . . LORELAI: Yes? TAYLOR: That'll be $3.50 for the ice cream. RORY: And worth every penny, let me tell you. Sorry, but this is really good. CUT TO TOWN MEETING TAYLOR: So, any additional landscaping to the town square will be paid for directly from the town park funds, and town park funds only. All righty. RORY: Long one tonight. LORELAI: Astonishingly long. SOOKIE: We've got to be next, right? LORELAI: We've got to be. Michel, are you okay over there? SOOKIE: He says the guy next to him has unforgivable B.O. LORELAI: Michel, you're French. How can you even tell? TAYLOR: Could we have a little quiet please? LORELAI: Sorry, Taylor, we're just waiting here very patiently, as you can see, all ready and everything. TAYLOR: Yes, well, um, the next item, people, is a wonderful feather in Stars Hollow's cap. One of our very own, fourth grader Donny Pass, was named a runner-up in the Connecticut State story-writing contest for his work entitled The Happiest Doughnut. SOOKIE: I think I'm gonna give birth just out of boredom. TAYLOR: Donny's mom is here tonight. Let's give her a big hand. LORELAI: I almost think he's doing this on purpose. SOOKIE: Almost? Huh. LORELAI: Bordering on pretty damn sure. TAYLOR: I won't spoil the plot of The Happiest Doughnut for you, folks, except to say it's funny and a little sad and truly inspiring. But a caveat for all you parents - the dunking scene may be too intense for preschool-aged children. GYPSY: How can a stupid doughnut be happy? RORY: But see, he's got you curious. That's the genius of Donny Pass. GYPSY: Hey, I've got a bunch of your mail. Here. RORY: Oh, I've got some of yours, too, and some of Al's. Will you pass this back to him for me? GYPSY: Yeah. Oh, if you hand this up to Andrew. RORY: Can do. [The townspeople start exchanging their mail] LORELAI: I can't smell anything. MICHEL: I'm breathing it all in so it's not reaching you. LORELAI: Thanks for taking that grenade for me, pal. TAYLOR: People, could we have some order here? ANDREW: Oh, Gypsy, the letter from my girlfriend's open. GYPSY: Oh, yeah. Sorry, Andrew. It must have fallen open accidentally. ANDREW: You read my private letter. GYPSY: There's nothing private in that letter. Except for the medical stuff. MISS PATTY: Taylor, I got your PennySaver and your girly magazines. TAYLOR: Those are lifestyle magazines. People, this meeting has degenerated into our usual weekly anarchy. I say we adjourn. We'll see you next week. SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: Uh, Taylor! TAYLOR: Everyone pick up a free copy of The Happiest Doughnut on your way out. You won't be sorry. LORELAI: Taylor, wait, we were supposed to make our presentation about the Dragonfly. TAYLOR: Oh, yes. Well, uh, you're bringing this up kind of late. LORELAI: Well, we've been sitting here. SOOKIE: It won't take long. LORELAI: It was your idea, remember? You suggested this. TAYLOR: Well, okay. People, your children and elderly are going to have to wait a while longer for you to get home because Lorelai Gilmore and her associates want to discuss some proposed changes to a beloved town structure. LORELAI: Thank you. Let's go, Sook, Augustus Gloop. RORY: Knock 'em dead. LORELAI: Guys, I know we've been here forever, but I very quickly want to tell you what we have in mind for this beautiful Dragonfly property. TAYLOR: The historic Dragonfly property. LORELAI: I think that goes without saying. TAYLOR: I don't think you should try to hide the fact that it's historic. LORELAI: Okay, I'm not hiding anything. TAYLOR: Proceed, please. LORELAI: Okay, well, we're very excited - TAYLOR: How many guest rooms will this establishment have? LORELAI: Um, ten. TAYLOR: Ugh, tsk, tsk, tsk. LORELAI: Yeah, ten. Anyway, the property's been unoccupied for - TAYLOR: And parking? How many parking spaces? LORELAI: Um, eighteen. TAYLOR: Oh, hm. LORELAI: Something wrong with the parking, Taylor? TAYLOR: Two people to a room, each with their own car, that's twenty cars - you don't have enough parking. LORELAI: But some of the people will be driving there together in one car. TAYLOR: So, you have a crystal ball, do you? LORELAI: That's just common sense. TAYLOR: Because if you have a crystal ball, I sure would like to borrow it to take to the racetrack. LORELAI: Um, no, I don't have a crystal ball, but if the parking's not enough, we can always add more. SOOKIE: Easy. TAYLOR: So, pave paradise and put up a parking lot. SOOKIE: Not what we're saying. TAYLOR: I heard you were planning to serve alcohol - is this true? LORELAI: Well, there will be a restaurant. SOOKIE: Wine, cocktails. Give the people what they want. TAYLOR: So it'll be a party spot, huh? LORELAI: Uh, no. TAYLOR: Catering to that crowd - hip-hoppers, the Manson family. LORELAI: It's a little country inn. TAYLOR: A perfect secluded spot for murderers to revel in impropriety. MICHEL: Have you noticed, this is not going very well. LORELAI: Taylor, everyone, there will be millions of questions, some of them even legitimate, but the bottom line is, you know me. I've been apart of this town for. . .well, look how big my daughter is - for that long. And opening this inn has been a dream of mine and of Sookie's for most of that time. Along with Michel, we plan to make this community as proud of the historic Dragonfly Inn as you were when the same team was running the Independence Inn. TAYLOR: You mean the place that burned down on your watch? MICHEL: Can I slap him? LORELAI: Uh, now, this will also help our local economy because we plan to employ. . .[her cell phone rings] Sorry, we plan to employ - huh. Uh, this, uh, call is coming from the house. RORY: Our house? LORELAI: It's flashing our number. RORY: But we're here. LORELAI: I know. That's the weird part. Sookie, uh, keep it going in here. I'll be just a quick, um, second. SOOKIE: Okay, if you have any questions. . . MICHEL: Yes, about the Dragonfly or deodorant - the places to buy it, how to apply it, that sort of thing. [Lorelai goes outside to answer her phone] LORELAI: Hello? KIRK: I responded to the activation of an alarm at your residence, and I apprehended a prowler in the garage. LORELAI: You did? KIRK: Yes, ma'am - female, approximately eighteen years old, Korean. LORELAI: Kirk, that's Lane. You know Lane. KIRK: I thought I knew Lane, but now I think she's in some kind of gang. LANE: Lorelai, help. KIRK: Their front is some sort of musical group. LORELAI: They are a musical group, Kirk. [to Rory] Honey, go sort it out. RORY: Got it. LORELAI: Rory's on her way over - brown hair, blue eyes, about 5'6" - don't cuff her. KIRK: 10-4. LORELAI: Okay. [Lorelai hangs up as Sookie and Michel walk out of the dance studio] LORELAI: What - SOOKIE: We failed you. MICHEL: He is a very unpleasant man. LORELAI: What happened? SOOKIE: The second, I mean, the second you walked out the door, Taylor adjourned the meeting over our objections. LORELAI: Well, where is he? Where'd he go? SOOKIE: He was the first one out the door. LORELAI: Unbelievable. Hm, you can run but you can't hide. MICHEL: Oh, this is cute. . . The Happy Doughnut. [Lorelai goes to catch up to Taylor] LORELAI: Hey, uh, we have a little misunderstanding back there, Taylor? TAYLOR: Lorelai, please don't sneak up on me like that. I almost blew my emergency whistle. LORELAI: We weren't done. TAYLOR: Oh, I thought we were. LORELAI: No, we weren't. TAYLOR: Well, what more was there to say? LORELAI: Nothing was decided. You said to come to the town meeting and explain what you're doing, then we can start our work. TAYOR: Oh, well, you can't do that until after the walk-through. LORELAI: Oh, Taylor, I'm in heels. Do you mind? What walk-through? TAYLOR: I and other members of the Historical Preservation Society need to examine the property in person. You didn't think we were gonna make a decision based on a little chat, did you? I'm sure I mentioned a walk-through. LORELAI: I don't think you did. TAYLOR: Well, I'm mentioning it now. LORELAI: Okay, so, when's the walk-through? TAYLOR: Well, I'd have to check with the other society members, set something up in the next month or so. LORELAI: But I have workmen coming Monday, Taylor, the day after tomorrow. TAYLOR: Oh, dear. That's cutting it pretty close. LORELAI: Let's do it tomorrow, please - tomorrow. TAYLOR: Tomorrow's Sunday. LORELAI: Yes, it is. TAYLOR: Well, it would have to be before church. LORELAI: Okay, so midmorning? TAYLOR: Six? LORELAI: Six? Six in the morning? TAYLOR: Or another day - I could take it up with the society. LORELAI: No, no, six is fine. Six sharp. TAYLOR: See you then. LORELAI: Bright and early. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO LUKE'S DINER CUSTOMER: Goodnight. LUKE: Goodnight. Thanks. [A group of boys are walking toward the diner] BOYS: [singing] We do or die for Stars Hollow High! We do or die for Stars Hollow High! It's the one we fight and fall for, it's the one we give our all for. LUKE: Oh, goody. [the boys enter the diner] BOYS: Stars Hollow High! Whoo! BOY 1: That is our Stars Hollow High fight song. LUKE: Could've sworn it was Mozart. What is this, guys? KYLE: Pit stop! BOYS: Whoo! KYLE: Bachelor party, phase one is over. BOY 2: Our boy Dean here is tying the knot. LUKE: Look, I was just closing up. DEAN: Luke! LUKE: Dean! DEAN: That's funny. LUKE: I wasn't even trying. KYLE: We just need to refuel for phase two, sir. It won't take long. DEAN: You wouldn't turn away a man on his wedding day, would you? LUKE: It's not your wedding day yet. BOY 1: That's what I keep telling him, dude. It's your last day of freedom. BOY 2: Hey, we should get strippers, right? DEAN: And cake. BOY 3: Hey, my name's Luke, too. We should start a club or something. LUKE: Yeah, that would be swell. Look, guys, why don't you go sit down over there? I'll make some coffee. DEAN: Tomorrow is the big day, man - big day. LUKE: You're tipping there, Dean. Watch him. KYLE: I got him, sir. We really appreciate this, sir. LUKE: Stop calling me that. DEAN: He's a good guy, really. LUKE: So, what was phase one? KYLE: A case of beer in the JC Penney parking lot, then batting cages and laser tag. DEAN: I've decided that I really like beer. KYLE: I'm the designated driver. LUKE: Good man. KYLE: I'm in the Navy now, you know. LUKE: Uniform tipped me off. KYLE: My older cousins did two-year stints. It paid for their college and stuff, so I joined up. Of course, we weren't fighting international skirmishes on two or three dangerous fronts like we are now. LUKE: Hey, what are you doing? BOY 2: Sugar football. LUKE: Don't. KYLE: Come on, guys, respect the establishment. They're still kids. LUKE: I got a better idea, guys. How about I whip up some pancakes real fast, help soak up whatever it is you drank? KYLE: Sounds good. We'll be needing energy for phase two. BOY 2: Strippers, right? We gotta get strippers. BOY 3: Hey, how much do you give a stripper? BOY 1: Well, that depends on what she does. KYLE: Are they really prostitutes? 'Cause I'd feel bad if they were prostitutes. LUKE: Look, guys, I gotta go in the back for a couple seconds. Don't drink anymore. Don't play jets. Don't jump on the furniture. Just sit still, okay? BOY 2: And do what? LUKE: I don't know. Make up a dirty version of the fight song or something. BOY 1: Yeah! BOY 2: Great idea! DEAN: [mumbles] Rory. BOY 3: What did he say? BOY 1: Oh, he is so toasted. DEAN: [mumbles] Rory. KYLE: Did he say what I think he said? LUKE: Hey guys, you know what I think? I think it's real late and that maybe you ought to cancel phase two. BOY 1: No way. KYLE: Hear him out, fellas. LUKE: I mean, think about it, guys - how you gonna beat laser tag? BOY 1: I don't know. BOY 2: Aw, is Dean sick? LUKE: He just needs his rest. Kyle, why don't you march your friends out of here? I'll take care of the groom, and he'll see you all tomorrow. KYLE: He's right, guys. Let's saddle up. BOY 2: Aren't we getting pancakes? BOY 1: I'm not feeling good. LUKE: Come on, big guy. DEAN: What? LUKE: Try to walk. [The boys leave, singing the fight song. Luke takes Dean upstairs to his apartment] LUKE: Here we are. DEAN: She's smart, man. You know, she's so smart. LUKE: I know, I know. DEAN: She could probably fix the world, you know? LUKE: Right, right. She could team up with Kyle - her brains, his brawn. DEAN: No, not Kyle - Rory. LUKE: Almost there. DEAN: She's the one, you know? [Luke walks Dean over to the bed] LUKE: Come on, Dean, just slide down there, stop talking. DEAN: And the hair - pretty hair. She has the prettiest hair. And that head. What is that? LUKE: Just your shoes. Shh. DEAN: I miss her. Why didn't she love me? CUT TO THE DRAGONFLY INN [Lorelai and Sookie are standing out front while the Historical Preservation Society members look over the property] SOOKIE: Scrubbing shower grout with a toothbrush. LORELAI: Sure, sure. Flossing with that really, really fine floss that cuts between your teeth like a razor. SOOKIE: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Staring into the sun. LORELAI: 'Til you're blind. SOOKIE: Absolutely. [Michel walks over] MICHEL: I feel very ugly this morning. LORELAI: Join the crowd. MICHEL: That unpleasant man and his cohorts in there? LORELAI: And have been for about thirty frickin' minutes. SOOKIE: Watching a foreign movie without subtitles. LORELAI: Getting brain freeze from eating ice cream. MICHEL: What are you doing? LORELAI: We're listing all the things we'd rather be doing than this. SOOKIE: What a mug. LORELAI: It's like he sucked a lemon. MICHEL: I've really grown to hate him. LORELAI: Nice, huh? MISS PATTY: Oh, so much potential. LORELAI: Yeah. TAYLOR: It needs a lot of TLC. LORELAI: And we've got an abundance of it, Taylor. [quietly to Patty] Patty, please, please, help, help. He's killing me here, and you've got pull with him. MISS PATTY: Oh, honey, I got my own remodeling to do on my studio that Taylor has to approve. I'm saving my pull for me. LORELAI: Can't I have just a little teeny, tiny bit of your pull, please? MISS PATTY: Oh, he's gonna see us talking. TAYLOR: Lorelai, consultation, please. LORELAI: Okay. TAYLOR: This porch is falling apart. LORELAI: I know. TAYLOR: It's got live termites. LORELAI: Big, fat ones. TAYLOR: It's a safety hazard. LORELAI: It's the first thing to go. TAYLOR: To go? This porch can't go. LORELAI: I'm sorry, Taylor. You just said it's falling apart. TAYLOR: I didn't tell you to tear it down. It's historical. It has to stay. LORELAI: No, no, the porch is not historical, Taylor. It was added in 1980. TAYLOR: So? LORELAI: So it's a 23-year-old porch. Unless you think Kate Hudson is historical, it's not historical. TAYLOR: Not now, but how do you think we get historical 200-year-old structures if we tear 'em down when they're just 23? LORELAI: Uh, it's rotting away. TAYLOR: Which just means that your guests can't walk on it. LORELAI: So they should hover over it? TAYLOR: No, you could build a bridge over it, using appropriate materials, of course. LORELAI: A bridge? TAYLOR: Or you could build a transparent Lucite porch over this porch, so people could walk on the Lucite porch and see the old porch underneath the new porch. LORELAI: Build a clear plastic porch over the rotting wood porch? TAYLOR: With the proper permits, of course, and those are hard to come by. LORELAI: That's it! TAYLOR: Lorelai, watch it. I've got church later. LORELAI: What did I do to make you torture me like this, Taylor? TAYLOR: I don't know what you're talking about. LORELAI: The hoops! The hoops with the jumping and the fire and the hoops! TAYLOR: It's just business, Lorelai. LORELAI: I pay to shop in your store. I eat your banana splits. I've never physically hurt you. . .except for that one spit wad in the one town meeting, but I didn't mean for it to hit your eye and I apologized profusely, so please, please, put me out of my misery and tell me what I need to do to make this thing happen! TAYLOR: I want an ice-cream truck. LORELAI: What? TAYLOR: I want to sell ice cream off a truck in the summer. I want to park it in front of the soda shop. I want to ring the bell on it every day at noon, but the only place I can park it is the space that's partly in front of Luke's diner. LORELAI: So? TAYLOR: You have pull with Luke. LORELAI: I guess, maybe. TAYLOR: You're friends. LORELAI: Yes. TAYLOR: You can get him to agree to this. LORELAI: Use my pull. TAYLOR: If you don't mind. LORELAI: So if I get Luke to agree to this, the madness stops? TAYLOR: If that's what you want to call it. LORELAI: The work begins and the porch goes? TAYLOR: All expedited, nice and neat. LORELAI: An ice-cream truck? TAYLOR: An ice-cream truck. LORELAI: You can go. TAYLOR: Well, this has been a very successful outing. Back on the bus, everyone. MICHEL: Unbelievable. SOOKIE: Yup. Hey, when do you think you'll. . .[Lorelai walks away] Shortcut to Luke's. MICHEL: How is she going to get over Potter's Creek? SOOKIE: Jump it? CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai rushes in, out of breath] LORELAI: Give him his ice-cream truck. LUKE: What? LORELAI: I forged a stream and I almost got attacked by a beaver, and I'm not leaving here till you agree. LUKE: To what? LORELAI: You don't own the street, you own the building. It's a public street. Just let him park his stupid truck. LUKE: I'm missing something here. LORELAI: Don't change the subject. LUKE: I don't even know what the subject is. LORELAI: If you let Taylor park his stupid ringy-dingy ice-cream truck - not even in front of the diner, but in front of part of the diner - then I can start work on the inn. But if you don't say yes, then you may not have to see his truck parked outside, but you will have to see my body swinging from that tree over there because I will hang myself. I am waiting for your answer. LUKE: Sure. LORELAI: Sure what? LUKE: He can park it there. What do I care? LORELAI: Oh, don't kid around here. LUKE: Your life's at stake. I wouldn't kid around. LORELAI: That easy? LUKE: That easy. LORELAI: Well, why'd you say no before? LUKE: When? LORELAI: When Taylor asked you before? LUKE: He never asked me before. LORELAI: He never asked? LUKE: Not about a truck - about a giant ice cream cone a few months back. I said no to that. Probably why he thought I'd say no to the truck. LORELAI: He never asked? LUKE: Nope. LORELAI: But you're fine with this, and he could have asked? LUKE: It's a public street. LORELAI: And you would have said yes? LUKE: I'd have said yes. LORELAI: And I wouldn't have had to go through all this. LUKE: Probably not. LORELAI: You know what, I've learned something very valuable here today. Come on in. Sit down there. Take a load off. Very valuable. LUKE: Good. LORELAI: I've had a business epiphany. It's like I'm Bud Fox, saying, "Thanks for the lesson, Mr. Gekko." LUKE: This will pass, folks. LORELAI: The Lorelai you knew is dead. Remember her? The eager to please, fresh of face? She thought that success in business meant working hard, applying yourself, and respecting your coworkers, and she preached that to others - oh, little child. LUKE: You should probably get some rest. LORELAI: It's about scratching backs, my friend, and kissing things - I won't be graphic. LUKE: It is Sunday morning. LORELAI: It's dirty, that's what business is. It's smoke-filled back rooms with exposed pipes and shady players chewing on fat cigars and twirling their dirty mustaches. And when you go into those rooms, you can't be a milquetoast muppet. You have to have pointy teeth and jaws that snap. The meek shall not inherit the earth! LUKE: Thanks for the perspective. LORELAI: Do you have any coffee? LUKE: I'm not giving you coffee. LORELAI: I don't have time for coffee. I gotta go find Taylor and close this deal. You think he's back at the store? LUKE: Or having his dirty mustache cleaned. LORELAI: You're good with the truck? LUKE: I'm good with the truck. LORELAI: Bless you. [leaves] LUKE: I'll be right with you, folks. [Luke walks upstairs to the apartment. Dean is sitting on the bed] LUKE: So, you're up. DEAN: Yeah, I'm up. It took me a minute or two to figure out where I am, but. . . LUKE: Oh, that's right. You've never been here before. DEAN: Yeah, it's not that I remembered. I just kinda looked out the window and that's how I could tell. LUKE: Good, smart. [hands him a drink] Little concoction of mine - it'll help with the hangover. DEAN: Guess I had a beer or two too many last night, huh? LUKE: Yeah, it happens. DEAN: Hope the guys didn't bug you too much. LUKE: No, they were fine. DEAN: Good. LUKE: So, you're all dressed there? DEAN: Yeah, uh, you know, big day - getting married. LUKE: Getting married. DEAN: Um, I'm due in the church in about an hour. LUKE: Hey, uh, Dean. . . DEAN: And I still gotta pick up my tux. LUKE: Yeah, right. DEAN: Um, thanks for everything, Luke. LUKE: Yeah, sure. Good luck. CUT TO OUTSIDE [Rory and Lane are walking down the street] RORY: So, a total strikeout, huh? LANE: Total. And, you know, at first, I felt bad for them - so lacking in talent, yet so clueless. Then I just felt bad for their guitars. RORY: Where are all the good young musicians these days? LANE: My ears wanted to fly off my head. I'm going to the music store to look at things I can't afford. Want to come? RORY: I have to go get ready for this. LANE: Right. Tell me how it goes. RORY: I will. [Lane walks away. Luke walks out of the market] RORY: Hey, Luke. LUKE: Hey, Rory. Um, where's your mom? RORY: Uh, around somewhere. Why? LUKE: I thought I'd find her at Doose's. Did she go back to the inn, or. . . RORY: She was going back to the inn, then she was picking up a wedding present for Dean from us, because she hates it when people send gifts later. And then depending on time, I was either gonna meet her back at home or at the church. LUKE: She have her cell on her? RORY: I think it's dead. What's going on? LUKE: Or a pager or something? RORY: Is something wrong? LUKE: Oh, no, I just need to check something with her. RORY: Well, we can stop by after the wedding. LUKE: Don't go to the wedding. RORY: What? LUKE: Uh, don't go to Dean's wedding. RORY: Why? LUKE: I just. . .don't go. Trust me. RORY: Okay. LUKE: It'd just be better this way. RORY: Okay. LUKE: So, you're not going? RORY: I guess not. LUKE: Okay, good. Good. I'll see you guys later. RORY: Yeah, Luke, I'll see you later. LUKE: Okay. CUT TO SIDEWALK [Lorelai walks out of a store. Kirk walks up to her] KIRK: Lorelai, do you have a minute? LORELAI: Oh, sure, Kirk. KIRK: We've had a successful disconnection. LORELAI: No more alarm? KIRK: No more alarm. LORELAI: Fantastic. KIRK: The roofer will be out tomorrow. The repair should take about a day. LORELAI: I'm not gonna inquire about that right now. KIRK: It's all taken care of, and I want to apologize for any inconvenience. LORELAI: Aw, it was no big deal. KIRK: I have this strong sense of chivalry when it comes to women living alone. LORELAI: That's very nice. KIRK: My family tree dates back to a 12th-century knight. LORELAI: Wow. KIRK: As a kid, I thought that meant we were related to Ted Knight. I wrote him a lot of letters. He never responded. LORELAI: That's cute, though. KIRK: I just want you to feel safe. LORELAI: You really do, don't you, Kirk? KIRK: So, I hope you don't mind my watching out for you. LORELAI: Not at all. [she kisses his cheek] KIRK: Thank you. I'll see you around. LORELAI: See ya. [Kirk walks away as Rory walks over] RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Ooh, hey. I think I found the perfect wedding present for Dean. It's sweet, not too personal, classy, yet cheap. RORY: We're not going. LORELAI: What? RORY: Luke was looking for you and ran into me, and he was all nervous and everything, and then he finally just said we shouldn't go. LORELAI: What does that mean? RORY: I think it means that we shouldn't go. LORELAI: Did he give a reason? RORY: Not really. LORELAI: I'll go talk to him. RORY: No, Mom, he seemed really serious, and I think that if you saw him you'd feel the same way. He was kind of upset. LORELAI: About Dean's wedding? RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: So, we're not going? RORY: I think it's better that we don't. LORELAI: Okay. Mystery, though. RORY: Kind of. LORELAI: Well, you've got your nothing-to-do weekend back. RORY: Yeah, got that back. Um, Mom, Kirk's following us in a little clowny car. LORELAI: He's watching out for us. RORY: Okay. CUT TO THE DRAGONFLY INN [Lorelai and Sookie are standing on the porch with sledgehammers as Michel gets ready to take a picture] MICHEL: Ready? LORELAI: No, no, it's gotta look like we're actually demolishing the porch. SOOKIE: We're gonna do pretend swings. LORELAI: Which would have been easier if we had pretend sledgehammers. SOOKIE: Why do they make these so heavy? MICHEL: Well, even without the swing, this is a good picture of the two of you about to record an important moment for the two of you. LORELAI: Um, Michel - MICHEL: I would love a copy of this for my mantel, such a nice moment. LORELAI: You have to be in the picture, too, Michel. MICHEL: Me? I don't know. All right. SOOKIE: That thing have a timer on it? MICHEL: It's set. I framed the shot. Grab your hammer and smile. [they pose for the picture] LORELAI: One more for safety? MICHEL: Okay. SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: Just sometimes, it hits me. This place had a long history before us, has a long future after us. I keep thinking it's apart of our lives, but, really, it's the reverse. For a little while. . .I don't know. . .it's like we're apart of its life. SOOKIE: Yeah. [The three of them pose for another picture] CUT TO THE TOWN SQUARE [Rory watches from afar as Dean and Lindsay walk out of the church after their wedding ceremony]
doc_243	[Genevieve and Celeste (in Sabine's body) stroll through the cemetery] GENEVIEVE: Oh, I remember this cemetery. Hmm. Hasn't changed a bit. SABINE / CELESTE: I've been coming here over a century, wearing one face or another. FLASHBACK--LAFAYETTE CEMETERY, 1919 [Genevieve approaches a woman kneeling in front of a tomb, praying to her ancestors] GENEVIEVE: Clara Summerlin, will you come on? We're gonna miss everything. [The two walk over to where a crowd of witches are standing around a bonfire, playing congo drums and watching as a witch dances around the flames. Papa Tunde walks out with an albino python around his shoulders, which he hands to his sons after clapping in order quiet the crowd] GENEVIEVE: Told you. Every witch in the Quarter is here to see the great Papa Tunde. PAPA TUNDE: Witches of the French Quarter, thank you for your welcome. It is good to be among people of the faith. I, too, practice ancestral magic, honoring those who walked the path before us. From them, we draw strength. And you will need strength, for a great darkness is coming. The city your forefathers left you is now overrun by pirates, beasts, and vampires. [Papa Tunde takes the python from his sons and throws it into the fire, and many of the witches gasp in surprise and fear] PAPA TUNDE: I practice other magic, as well. Sacrificial magic, channeling power from the lives of my offerings. I use this strength to vanquish my enemies, and I will punish your enemies for their greed. In return, you will accept my family into your coven, and me as your leader. FLASHBACK--A MEETING ROOM, 1919 [Two men enter the room and join Elijah and a police officer at a table] ELIJAH: Gentlemen, make yourselves at home. Mayor O'Connell appears to be running late, but there's much to discuss, so I shall begin. KLAUS: [walks down the stairs to join them] One moment, please, brother. You know how much I enjoy these illicit, little gatherings. ELIJAH: [to the men] Do not be troubled. Despite my brother's reputation, I can assure you, we've invited you here to broker in peace. You have my word. KLAUS: And, lucky for you, my brother always keeps his word. You two are from the Guerrera crime family, a brutish pack of thieves and killers. And that's nothing compared to what you become on a full moon, is it? ELIJAH: Yes, yes, yes. Of course, a bite from your kind is not lethal to an Original. Conflict between us would not end well for you at all. Let's state our proposal here. My brother and I control the ports of the city, but with Prohibition soon to be the law of the land, there'll be a certain uptick in the kind of federal presence we prefer to avoid. Therefore, I'd like to suggest a system whereby, under our supervision, of course, the Guerrera family can traffic alcohol into the city of New Orleans for a profit. We would still be in charge, but our rule would remain a secret. [Papa Tunde walks into the room with his sons following behind him] PAPA TUNDE: This all sounds very good, but tell me, how will it benefit the witches? ELIJAH: I am sorry. This is a private meeting. PAPA TUNDE: Yes, for kings of the city, but I, too, am a king, and I have rules. KLAUS: I'm impressed. You're either quite ambitious or quite mad. What's your name, mate? PAPA TUNDE: I am Alphonse Bellatunde Delgado, Papa Tunde to my followers, and I come to ask that the witches be granted fair tribute for allowing your existence in our city. ELIJAH: Are you suggesting that you speak for the french quarter witches? PAPA TUNDE: I do now, and I expect our future negotiations to go very smoothly. As a guarantee, I brought a gift. I await our next gathering. [A small leather case is placed on the table. Papa Tunde and his sons leave. Everyone else gathers around as Klaus lifts the lid on the trunk to reveal a head inside with a symbol carved into his forehead] KLAUS: Well, I suppose we'll need a new mayor. PRESENT DAY--THE ABBATOIR COURTYARD [Marcel comes down the stairs into the courtyard with a bottle of bourbon in his hand. Diego sees him enter and approaches him as Marcel walks over to sit down at a table] DIEGO: Hey, Marcel, maybe you know what's going on. Klaus ordered us to meet here, and now he's a no-show. MARCEL: What do you want from me? It's a new regime. Get used to it. [Klaus enters the room with Thierry and makes an announcment] KLAUS: Dearest brethren, your attention, please. No doubt, you're all surprised to see Thierry Vanchure, who's supposed to be rotting in the Garden for the crime of killing one of our own, and I personally decided to issue him with a pardon. I hope you'll all welcome home Thierry. [Thierry smiles and gives Diego a hug] DIEGO: Welcome home, man. MARCEL: [to Klaus] You're in a good mood. You should visit Mystic Falls more often. KLAUS: Well, as much as I might like to, I have pressing responsibilities here. [turns to address the crowd of vampires] Now, as you all know, the witch Davina is no longer with us. Without Davina, we can no longer monitor the activity of our witch neighbors. However, since their Harvest failed, their magic will soon be gone forever. Until then, I say we keep them on their toes. Diego, I wonder if you might lead a rousting in the cauldron. [Diego smiles and starts to plan with the other vampires. Marcel grabs his bottle and goes to storm away, but Klaus stops him in the doorway] KLAUS: Marcel, I'd hoped you would join Diego. MARCEL: Nah. I'm gonna take a personal day. [He pushes past Klaus and leaves] IN THE FRENCH QUARTER [Rebekah and Elijah walk through the streets of the Quarter as they talk about recent events] ELIJAH: Now, you may doubt him, but today, I saw Niklaus demonstrate mercy towards an enemy. Tell me that's not progress. REBEKAH: Please, Elijah. Who do you think convinced Klaus to let Thierry out? ELIJAH: Why would you do such a thing? REBEKAH: Because, despite Klaus' reprieve, Thierry despises him. I like that about Thierry. I also like that he used to date a witch, so he knows about French Quarter covens. Maybe he can lead me to whoever stole off with the Harvest magic. ELIJAH: Rebekah, we are all devastated by the outcome of this ritual. REBEKAH: That's just it. There was no outcome. We both know that power like that doesn't just vanish. I say someone stole it. I'd like to know who, and then I'd like to make an ally out of them. ELIJAH: To what end, exactly? REBEKAH: I'm tired of being threatened and controlled by our tyrant brother. If you want to stop a bully, you need the power to stand up to them. ELIJAH: I expect such behavior from Niklaus. It's so very disappointing when it comes from you, Rebekah. Do you not see that, in his way, he's making an effort here? He's invited us back into our family home. He yearns for our family to be reunited. REBEKAH: Yes. He's in a brilliant mood now, but for how long? It's his trick, Elijah. He lulls you into a false sense of camaraderie and kinship, and then he turns on you like a snake. I fall for it every time and wind up with a dagger in my chest for my trouble. No more. ELIJAH: I believe that he is approaching some semblance of peace here. Leadership may, in fact, be a good thing for him. Now, sister, please, I ask you, if you cannot support him, then at least do nothing to provoke him. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Klaus enters one of the rooms of the compound and finds Marcel, still drinking alone as he sits on a couch] KLAUS: Ugh, is this what's it's come to? I bear the full weight of our kingdom while you pout like a child. MARCEL: You wanted to be king. Besides, you look like you got it covered. KLAUS: If the men see you shirk your duties, they're likely to do the same. MARCEL: I told you, I am not in the mood for vampire hijinks. KLAUS: No. You'd rather sit wallowing in sorrow for your lost little friend. MARCEL: [stands up and points a finger at Klaus] Don't push me right now. KLAUS: I am sorry Davina is gone, ok? I'm sorry, but this mournful attitude is unworthy of you, and it's boring to me. [Diego enters the room to join them, looking worried] DIEGO: Hey, guys, we got a problem. THE CAULDRON [Thunder rumbles overhead as Diego leads Marcel and Klaus to the Cauldron to show them what he found] DIEGO: We came to mess with the witches, just like you said. And these two, they went missing. Found them like this, not even staked. Just dead. MARCEL: That's two more of my guys gone. Nice job, Captain. [Marcel takes one look at his dead men, puts his hood up, turns around, and starts to walk away] KLAUS: Where are you going? Someone has to account for this! MARCEL: You want revenge, get it yourself. That mark is tied to some bad mojo. Any of y'all got any brains, you'll head back to the compound and stay the hell out of this. [Marcel walks off. Klaus turns to Diego] KLAUS: We're gonna find whoever did this, and I will show them what suffering is. A WAREHOUSE AT THE DOCKS [Thierry and Rebekah walk into a warehouse to investigate] THIERRY: Used to run things down here for Marcel. Thought you'd like to see what I found before Klaus did. REBEKAH: [smirks] Not a day out of the Garden, and you're already proving yourself useful. THIERRY: We made a deal, and if it screws things for your brother, I'm all for it. Though, to be honest, this stuff makes my skin crawl. I've never seen anything like this. [They stop in front of another salt circle on the ground with two dead vampires inside. Both are desiccated and have the same symbol carved into their foreheads] REBEKAH: I have, a long time ago. Somebody is copycatting a very dangerous witch. They draw their power from sacrifice. THIERRY: I just don't understand why someone would leave it here for us to find. REBEKAH: Unless they wanted it to be found. [Papa Tunde appears from the shadows behind them. Rebekah notices him in shock and horror] PAPA TUNDE: Mademoiselle Mikaelson. REBEKAH: That's not possible. PAPA TUNDE: Sure, it is, chére. It's magic. [Rebekah speed vamps toward him to try to kill him, but Papa Tunde simply reaches out and grabs her by the throat] PAPA TUNDE: Symbole du masque et de l'ombre, embrace-toi. Embrace-toi. Symbole du masque et de l'ombre, embrace-toi. Embrace-toi. Symbole du masque et de l'ombre, embrace-toi. Embrace-toi. Symbole du masque et de l'ombre, embrace-toi. [Rebekah starts to desiccate, and thick gray veins pop up all over her face and neck. Terrified, Thierry speed vamps and disappears out of the warehouse] COMPOUND COURTYARD [Klaus, Elijah, Diego, and many of the other vampires are congregating in the courtyard, discussing their current situation] KLAUS: Ah! Someone will die for this. ELIJAH: Remarkably, I don't disagree. However, I would like to know where they learned such dark magic. KLAUS: I had hoped never to see that symbol again. I recall it is the signature of a fool who once stood against us. ELIJAH: Clearly, some upstart witch is salvaging old tricks. KLAUS: I'll do for him as I did the other. [turns to Diego] Diego, when night falls, I want you to gather every vampire in the Quarter. Get me the head of whoever did this and put it on a stick. DIEGO: Yeah. That's gonna be a problem. Everyone is freaked out, man. We haven't had witches killing vampires in a long time. Marcel made sure of that. KLAUS: Marcel has run off like a scared child. You lot are left with me. Now, who of you will fight to defend our home? [looks around to see that no one comes forward] Not a single one of you will stand with me, so afraid are you of this new threat? You should know better. I'll handle this myself. [Klaus storms off] ROUSSEAU'S CAMI: [on the phone] Sophie, the restaurant is an epic disaster again. Do you think maybe you could come in today and... [the voice mail interrupts: "User's mailbox is full."] CAMI: [annoyed] Good-bye. MARCEL: Looks like I should've been here last night. [Cami, startled, looks for anything she can find to use as a weapon, finally settling on an empty liquor bottle] CAMI: Before you try anything, I'm on vervain. MARCEL: Yeah, Klaus mentioned you broke free of his compulsion. Good for you. Sophie around? CAMI: No. Why? MARCEL: Got a witch problem. Thought she might have answers. [he sits down] Mind if I wait? [he grabs a bottle off the bar and pours himself a drink] CAMI: It's a little early for day drinking. Let me guess, Klaus problems. I thought you'd be on top of the world now that you have Davina back. MARCEL: Davina is gone. CAMI: [shocked] Was it Klaus? I told him, if he hurt her... MARCEL: It wasn't like that. The power that she had was too much. We tried to fix her with this crazy-ass ritual, and something went wrong. Now she's...I don't know, floating in limbo, or waiting on her ancestors. CAMI: Marcel, I'm sorry. MARCEL: Yeah, me, too. THE ABBATOIR--DAVINA'S OLD ROOM [Elijah walks into the room to find Hayley looking at Davina's old sketches] ELIJAH: There you are. HAYLEY: Here I am. ELIJAH: [gestures to the sketches] Davina's drawings. HAYLEY: Yeah. Morbid, I know. I was just thinking, we never figured out why she drew those pictures of Celeste. Anyway, I'm just killing time, now that I'm on vampire lockdown. ELIJAH: Whoever did this, we will deal with them. It won't be long. HAYLEY: I'm not worried. Just think it's kind of funny that it took some big, supernatural threat for you to even come into the same room as me. ELIJAH: I do apologize if you feel neglected. I have been occupied. My siblings are in some quarrel. Niklaus remains agitated. You'll recall that even our slightest interactions seem to infuriate him. HAYLEY: So Klaus is a dick, and you want to be a good big brother. So we can't hang out. That sum it up? I get it, Elijah. It just seems like a really crappy deal. ROUSSEAU'S [Marcel is still sitting at the bar with Cami when his phone rings. It's Klaus. He hits the ignore button and returns to his drink] CAMI: El presidente? MARCEL: He likes to keep track of his people. CAMI: Why are you loyal to him, exactly? MARCEL: For someone who says she can't stand the guy, you sure ask a lot of questions about him. CAMI: My interest is purely academic. MARCEL: I know what you're doing. You're mad he used you, and you want to get back at him. Maybe you're hoping I'll let slip some chink in his armor. Friendly advice--don't do that. It won't end well. Let me tell you a story about someone who went up against Klaus. FLASHBACK--THE ABBATOIR, 1919 [Marcel returns home in his military uniform to find a party being held at the compound. Marcel sees Rebekah sitting at a table with an unknown gentleman, and walks toward her] MARCEL (VOICEOVER): This was right after I returned from World War I. I'd been trying to get away from New Orleans for a while. Something kept drawing me back. KLAUS: Why don't you get me some Martinis? Thank you. MARCEL: [to Rebekah] Aren't you gonna welcome me home? REBEKAH: I wouldn't want you to think that I was happy to see you. MARCEL: How long you gonna hate me? REBEKAH: You left me in a box for fifty-two years. Twice that seems like a good start. Come on, boys. KLAUS: [approaches Marcel] There he is. Our war hero, triumphantly returned. Oh, good to have you back, Marcellus. Welcome home. [They drink] Mm. ELIJAH: Ha ha! The prodigal son has finally learned to hold his liquor. MARCEL: The Army'll do that to you. ELIJAH: Well, it's good to have you back. Niklaus was beside himself in your absence. KLAUS: Now that you are here, perhaps you could help settle an argument. You see, you've traded a war abroad for one here in the Quarter. Some rogue witch wants a piece of the city we built, and Elijah, for reasons beyond my comprehension, insists that negotiation is our best recourse. ELIJAH: Yes. KLAUS: On the topic of your failed comprehension, you neglect, as a soldier, Marcel has seen not only how small the world has become and how fast news can travel, but also the very horrors of war itself. Surely, Marcel would agree with me. ELIJAH: The best way for us to defend our home is by exercising discretion. MARCEL: So who's the witch you want to kill? KLAUS: His name is Papa Tunde. I think he's a charlatan. ELIJAH: Well, Marcel shall be able to decide that for himself. You invited him here. KLAUS: Of course. We're not savages, are we? [Papa Tunde arrives at the party, and Klaus immediately approaches him] KLAUS: Thank you for accepting our invitation, and welcome. I hope you'll allow me to play the role of host. If there's anything you need- Anything at all... PAPA TUNDE: Pleasure before business, then. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! PRESENT DAY--ROUSSEAU'S MARCEL: I didn't get it at first. Klaus was the one who wanted to go to war. CAMI: So, why was he inviting his enemy into his home? Why be so generous to someone who he's gonna have to kill? MARCEL: But, you see, that's the thing. It was all part of Klaus' plan. He was sussing the guy out, learning his weaknesses, his strengths, getting him to let his guard down. That's how Klaus does it. Then he goes in for the kill. CAMI: Because he's a two-faced sociopath. There's nothing enviable about what Klaus does. He is a monster. MARCEL: We're all monsters, Cami. If you're powerful like Klaus is, you just don't have to bother hiding it. CAMI: Davina was powerful. She wasn't a monster. [SCENE_BREAK] THE DOCKS [Papa Tunde finishes doing his spell on Rebekah, who lays desiccated in a circle of salt, with his symbol carved into her forehead. He stands back and admires his work] PAPA TUNDE: It is done. The power of the Original sister flows through me. CELESTE: And will that be enough to make Klaus suffer? PAPA TUNDE: I will hurt Klaus Mikaelson as he hurt me. When I am done, he will wish that he could die. ROUSSEAU'S MARCEL: You gonna open this place today? CAMI: And risk you eating the clientele? MARCEL: Oh, and here I thought you were starting to like me again. [Marcel's phone rings again. He answers it] KLAUS: Ah, you've deigned to break your despair long enough to pick up the phone. MARCEL: I figured you'd just keep calling. KLAUS: I'm in the Cauldron now. You could meet me here, we could start burning passersby at the stake. MARCEL: Sorry. I'm gonna chase down my own lead. KLAUS: And where might that be, the bottom of a bottle of scotch? MARCEL: I'm at Sophie Deveraux's place. I figured I'll sit here and drink 'til she shows. KLAUS: Or, you could snap out of this funk and come and help me end this. [Marcel hangs up the the phone] THE ALLEY [Sophie Deveraux appears in the alley, drunk, stumbling around with her own bottle of liquor as she approaches Klaus] SOPHIE: Big, bad Klaus Mikaelson. KLAUS: Sophie. Just the witch I was looking to brutalize. [he speed vamps toward Sophie and grabs her in a chokehold] Perhaps you could explain the attacks on my men. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Hayley and Elijah are in the courtyard. Hayley watches as Elijah tries to call Rebekah] ELIJAH: Rebekah is not answering her calls. HAYLEY: You worried about whoever killed those daywalkers still being out there? ELIJAH: Frankly, I'm worried that she had something to do with this. She's very displeased with Niklaus, perhaps even conspiring with others. [Elijah notices Thierry drinking alone at a table and joins him] ELIJAH: Thierry, is it? THIERRY: That's right. ELIJAH: My sister is rather fond of you. Strange, she's not typically drawn to unremarkable men. Would you care to explain your sudden magnetism? THIERRY: I don't know what you're... [Elijah, annoyed, grabs him by the throat and pushes him against the wall] ELIJAH: You can either tell me what you know, or I can distribute tiny pieces of you throughout the Quarter. THIERRY: [reluctantly] She asked me to keep an eye out on witch stuff. I found something, and when I showed her, we were jumped by some guy. He desiccated her with his touch. ELIJAH: [angry] Like a coward, you left her. THIERRY: What was I supposed to do, fight some warlock that took out an Original? ELIJAH: Where was this, exactly? THIERRY: The docks, warehouse 57. I was just doing what she asked. You cannot tell Klaus about this. [Elijah throws Thierry against the wall. He's unconscious] ELIJAH: I shall take that into consideration. HAYLEY: [worried] I'm coming with you. ELIJAH: No. Stay here. The compound is safe. HAYLEY: Rebekah is in trouble. I'm going. ELIJAH: [considers this, and sighs] Do not leave my sight. Understand? [Hayley nods, and the two leave for the docks] ROUSSEAU'S MARCEL: Me calling things off with you wasn't lack of interest. I was hoping to save you from all this. CAMI: Well, thanks, Romeo, but I'm in it. So, when are you gonna get to the good part with Klaus and that Papa guy? FLASHBACK--1919 MARCEL (VOICEOVER): Papa Tunde said he wanted to empower the witches. Mostly, he wanted money and territory. Klaus and Elijah weren't about to give him either. He didn't like that, so he went on a rampage. [We see flashes of him sacrificing his offerings] No one was safe. Not the humans in the faction. [We see Papa Tunde killing them] Not the Guerrera werewolves. He even went after the witches who opposed him. Elijah offered a truce. He gave his word, in fact, but Klaus, being Klaus, he had another idea. [Papa Tunde is waiting in their meeting place when he hears someone enter] PAPA TUNDE: You're late, Elijah. It's not like the noble brother to keep me waiting. KLAUS: I'm sorry, mate. Elijah is the brother you meet when negotiations are to be had. I'm the one you get when negotiations are closed. PAPA TUNDE: You do not scare me. You have no idea the power I possess. KLAUS: Oh, in fact, I made it a point to learn all about your power. I noticed how you're almost always near those twin sons of yours, how they bear your distinctive ,ark. Got me to thinking--you channel their power, don't you? Which, of course, begs the question: what would happen were that power to be taken away, if those sons whose lives you depend on were suddenly struck down? What of that power then? [Marcel brings in a box and sets it down. Papa Tunde looks into the box and sees the severed heads of his twin sons] PAPA TUNDE: [enraged] I will kill you for this. KLAUS: I cannot be killed. You, however... [Klaus zooms over to him and presses his thumbs into Papa Tunde's eyes and in through his brain, eventually killing him] PAPA TUNDE: Aagh! PRESENT DAY--ROUSSEAU'S CAMI: [horrified] That's awful! MARCEL: Oh, to Klaus, it's just business. CAMI: And don't you think there's something fundamentally wrong with that? Don't you worry you'll end up one of his victims or, worse, just like him? [Papa Tunde suddenly appears in the bar] PAPA TUNDE: Poor Marcellus. You remain always in the shadow of your father. Climb out from beneath it, will you, so you can die like a man? MARCEL: Cami, you need to run now. Don't look back. Just go. PAPA TUNDE: I think she should stay. I prefer an audience, and I'm about to put on quite the show. CAMI: Marcel? MARCEL: I said get out of here. [Cami, terrified, hesitates in the doorway, not wanting to leave Marcel alone] PAPA TUNDE: You cannot defeat me. I channel the power of an Original vampire. Soon, I will have all three. But first, I will take you. THE DOCKS [Sophie examines the abandoned desiccated vampires that Papa Tunde left for the vampires to find] SOPHIE: It's a complex spell. Old-school stuff, rooted in sacrificial magic. Whoever did this to your guys, my guess is they were an offering to gain more power. More guys they kill, more power they have. [Klaus' phone rings, and when he sees it's Cami, he answers it] KLAUS: (answers his phone) I didn't expect a call from you so soon. CAMI: You need to get to Rousseau's now. Some lunatic witch doctor is killing Marcel. KLAUS: Get as far away from there as you can. THE DOCKS [Hayley and Elijah arrive to where Rebekah's body was left and immediately run toward her. Elijah is also on the phone with Sophie, who is still with the other body] ELIJAH: Rebekah! [he goes to kneel next to her, but can't cross the barrier made by the salt] HAYLEY: Oh, what's happening? ELIJAH: Some kind of boundary spell. Someone is channeling her. Typically, it's a lethal process, but, because she's an Original, she can't die. Instead, she's an endless source of power. HAYLEY: So what are we supposed to do? ELIJAH: You have to get her out of there. ROUSSEAU'S PAPA TUNDE: [bends over Marcel and holds his knife to his forehead as he begins to carve in the mark] As I recall, you're one of the few people Niklaus Mikaelson ever gave a damn about. You know what he did to my family. MARCEL: Aah! PAPA TUNDE: The sins of the father are paid for by the son. I will take pleasure in telling Klaus how you died. [Papa Tunde is about to kill Marcel when Klaus speed vamps into the bar and stops him] KLAUS: I remember killing you. I rather relished it. What a joy it is to relive fond memories. PAPA TUNDE: You're here. Good. I can crush you before the eyes of your son. Then, I will consume you both. This time, I'm stronger. THE DOCKS ELIJAH: You're not listening. We cannot enter the circle. There's some kind of confinement spell... If I can't remove her, we can't break the link. SOPHIE: It's a convoluted spell. It's like a witch's recipe. You can spoil the balance by adding a more potent ingredient. A mystical binding agent. I don't know, volcanic ash, rock salt...anything up to and including eye of newt. ELIJAH: What about the blood of a witch? SOPHIE: [confused] Do you have the blood of a witch? ELIJAH: [turns to Hayley] I need a favor. HAYLEY: [immediately understands] The baby. She's a quarter witch. [Hayley gives Elijah her wrist, and he gingerly bites it to draw blood. They walk towards the magic circle together. Elijah holds out Hayley's wrist and lets the blood fall on the magic boundary line. It starts to fizzle and deteriorate. Elijah is able to get through, and he quickly picks up Rebekah and takes her out of the circle. He reaches for Hayley's hand, and then he speed vamps out of there with Rebekah and Hayley in tow] ROUSSEAU'S [Papa Tunde has Klaus and is about to finish him off, when he suddenly becomes weak when his link to Rebekah is broken. Klaus is able to stun Papa Tunde long enough to run over to Marcel] CAMI: Uhhh, is he dead? KLAUS: Get out of here. CAMI: Is Marcel dead? Did that guy kill him? KLAUS: He didn't finish him off. Marcel needs blood to heal. Go. Find me someone off the street. CAMI: I'll do it. KLAUS: No. Not you. I don't want you involved in this. CAMI: You don't control me anymore, remember? [She rushes over to Marcel and puts his mouth to her neck] It's ok, Marcel. It's ok. It's ok, Marcel. [Klaus looks on the two of them with a look of jealousy] AN ALLEY REBEKAH: [ambushes Thierry] Ah! I should rip out your coward heart. THIERRY: What, Rebekah? We made a deal to take out your brother, but at he end of the day, it's every man for himself. REBEKAH: I am so sick of self-serving narcissists. Are men simply incapable of committing to an alliance? [Elijah speed vamps up to Thierry and snaps his neck] ELIJAH: Oh, I asked you to cease these petty moves against our family, and yet you conspire with this fool. Is this what its come to, making moves against your own blood? REBEKAH: Don't you try and shame me. Nik grows more powerful by the day, and you do nothing but encourage him. ELIJAH: I offer him my counsel because it's clear to me that he needs to make the city our home. Now, perhaps leading these derelicts will curb some of these impulses, grant him some degree of happiness. REBEKAH: You always talk of Nik's happiness. Over 1,000 years, he has robbed me of any chance at my own. What about me, Elijah? Am I not a concern for you? ELIJAH: We all make sacrifices in the name of this family, Rebekah, but know this. I will never stand against you or Niklaus. REBEKAH: What about Hayley? Nothing I conspire to do, none of my treachery will harm this family as much as your feelings for her. You're a hypocrite, Elijah. You would choose love over family and then condemn me for doing the same. JARDIN GRIS VOODOO SHOP [Marcel walks into the Jardin Gris, where Rebekah is standing and waiting for him.] REBEKAH: Fancy meeting you here MARCEL: That symbol is already up and down the cauldron, more of them popping up everywhere. REBEKAH: I suppose Papa Tunde is marking his territory. MARCEL: I'm told you saw him, as well. REBEKAH: Yeah. Brought up a lot of memories. Memories that are best left buried. FLASHBACK--1919 REBEKAH: You're soused. Celebrating Klaus' defeat of the mad Papa Tunde? MARCEL: Not celebrating, drowning sorrows. I'm the one who brought Tunde to town. REBEKAH: What? MARCEL: I made some inquiries while I was abroad, wanted the most dangerous witch anyone could find. REBEKAH: Why on earth would you do that? MARCEL: For you. I figured if someone as bad as Tunde comes in, maybe Klaus gets chased off. Very least, he's occupied enough that he can't stop me from trying to get you back. REBEKAH: You mean to tell me that you would tear down everything my family built, everything you helped us build, risk your own life on the off chance that I would show you the slightest bit of affection? MARCEL: I would. I did. I'd do it again. REBEKAH: Klaus has killed a thousand Tundes. All his life, there's only ever been one man he has truly feared My father Mikael. MARCEL: The vampire who hunts vampires. REBEKAH: If he came here, Klaus would flee and never turn back. All we need is a witch who can help us find him. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Klaus gives a speech to the crew of vampires in the compound] KLAUS: Not long ago, you all united against me. You failed. Since then, in my benevolence, I have wiped the slate clean, yet it seems clear you think that I am the one who needs to earn your respect, your loyalty. You're mistaken. It is you who must prove yourselves to me. Our community is under attack. I require soldiers. I need warriors, not cowards. Each of you has a decision to make. You either fight alongside me or you leave now. THIERRY: We don't owe you anything. If staying in the Quarter means living under your rule, I'd just as soon get the hell out. [Klaus watches as a handful of vampires join Thierry and walk out of the compound. Thierry looks at Diego in hopes that he'll come along, but he gives him a pained look and stays behind. Afterwards, Marcel and Klaus talk with Sophie] MARCEL: I got to admit, I thought you'd lose a lot more guys than that. KLAUS: Well, good riddance to them, I say. We've no room for slackers or cowards in our kingdom. Now that you've regained your composure, let's move on to the next item of business, shall we, with a little help from our dear friend Sophie. SOPHIE: I got no reason to help you, and I sure as hell don't have a reason to help him. KLAUS: Now, now, don't be difficult, love. You'll only live as long as you're of use to me, and right now, your best use is to explain why a witch I killed has come back for revenge. Come on. Resurrected witches with vast power? SOPHIE: It's the Harvest. To die and be reborn. I don't know how, but someone jacked that power, and they used it to bring back four witches, just not the right ones. MARCEL: So there's still a chance? If we can get that power back, we can save Davina. KLAUS: Let's concentrate on the immediate problem, shall we? Papa Tunde wants revenge. He'll continue to attack us, channeling power from the vampires he sacrifices. He kills, he grows more dangerous. So how do I end him? He needs sacrifices to gain power. SOPHIE: Hmm. You keep him from killing any more nightwalkers, that's a start. KLAUS: Unless he finds the one place with a load of vampires ready to be sacrificed. [They all look at each other with a look of dawning realization] THE GARDEN [Klaus and Marcel arrive at the garden only to discover that they are too late. All of the vampires are dead, sacrificed by Papa Tunde] LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [Celeste (in Sabine's body) meets with Papa Tunde near a crypt] CELESTE: Is it done? PAPA TUNDE: This blade now contains all the power I harvested from the vampires. It will do things worse than death, even to an Original. CELESTE: And are you ready for the final offering? PAPA TUNDE: In the name of the witches of the French Quarter, it is my honor. [he hands her the bone knife] CELESTE: Thank you, Papa Tunde. [she stands behind him and slits his throat with the knife]
doc_244	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Nikki is with a girl. She's pissed off after Jenny who threw her away. The girl: Baby, don't be sad. It's so boring. Nikki: Get off of me! Who the hell does she think she is?! She called me, she wanted me! And then she goes all Paris and Britney on me just like: "Oh, I never liked you and it was a showmance!" Can you believe that? She fcks me all night long and then she has the nerve to say that's a showmance! I mean, I don't even know what the fck that is! An other girl: I'm googling. Oh, it's, uh...Oh, it's, uh..."Phony romance that happens during a movie or a TV show" "usually between two stars, but it can" "also be between a star and"... Nikki: You know what? I got it, alright? Do you know how many times has she said that she loved me? She's officially a liar and I officially hate her! You know what? fck her, alright?! I got over 16 million on my opening week end and she can't even get in at the premiere of my next movie. She payed someone. The first girl: God! Makes wonder who broke her heart. I can't believe she told you it wasn't you. That was so harsh! You must feel horrible. Nikki: You know what? You are out of my 5! The girl: Nikki, you're my best friend! Nikki: No, get out! Right now! Get out! Everyone, get out! Everyone! You know? You and you, and you, get out! Get out! Now! Move! Jenny Schecter is a liar and a user. And trust me, you are not gonna get away with this. You are dead meat, Schecter. Dead. Credits. At the Hit Club. Helena: And this is where we're gonna put the new DJ booth. So, if you need anything, just let us know. We'll get you all the right equipment. The drag-queen: Oh, I'll send you a list. I love these colors. Kit: We love them too. Helena: We got morroconess out of "Casablanca" theme. Kit: It's our favorite film. The drag-queen: Oh, say no more. I love... Kit: So, what do we have to do to get the fabulous Sunset Boulevard to come and spin at Hit? The drag-queen: Just keeping the fabulous Kit Porter. You know you're my ultimate R&B goddess? Kit: Oh, I don't know about the ultimate. Ooh, somebody's been working out! Not that we're the type... you know, we're, uh...We've both swore off men. Helena: Ages of it. The drag-queen: Good for you. You two got a good thing going here. You don't need some man in here messin' it up. Kit: Okay, let me show you all of the textures and plans. At the Planet Alice: Oh, I'm vanilla and fruit. Tasha: Breakfeast burrito. Thanks. Jenny: Excuse me. I didn't order that. Waitress: Oh, they're from her. Kit: Jenny, Shane wants you to know that she made them especially for you. Jenny: Excuse me, Alice? Do you mind just mentionning to Shane that I don't want her waffles? Alice: She doesn't want your waffles. Tina: How much do you love the New Valley service? Bette: Oh, my God, Helena's taking this place to a whole new level. Jenny comes with the waffles. Tina: Oh, and waffles! Look! I know that I love waffles. I'm getting waffles. She throws it away. Bette: Or not. Kit: Haven't you heard that there are people starving in this world? Jenny: I'm sure they don't want waffles, Kit. Bette and Tina: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Bette: sh1t! Okay, that's one to one. Bette and Tina: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Bette: fck! I always loose. Tina: 'Cause you're always rock. Always. Bette: Is that what it is? Have fun with the martyrs. Tina: Have fun with the cheaters. Tina: Wow, everyone's so industrial. What are you doing? Tasha: Learning. Jenny: I'm writing my new treatment. Tina: What are you writing, Alice? Alice: A treatment. Jenny: A treatment for a film? Alice: I just... I had this kinda killer idea so I thought I'll just write a great screenplay and then sell it for millions and buy a house in Malibu? Tasha: I don't like Malibu. Alice: You've never been to Malibu. Tasha: I have been there. Tina: I didn't know you wanted to be a screenwriter. Alice: Well, I mean, you know, I never really did. Really, but I thought how hard can it be? Right? Jenny? I mean, it's like, you get paid big time. Jenny: Well, if you, if you actually, Alice, if you would to amortize the payment of the 17 drafts that I did on "Lez Girls", you'll see that you actually don't get paid very much. So... Bette send a sms to Tina. Bette: Alice is writing a treatment for a script. Hope we're not in it. Shane: Amen to that. Tina: Actually, writing a good screenplay is what's really hard. And Jenny's become a very good screenwriter. Jenny: Thank you, Tina. Tina: You should ask her to read your treatment. Alice: Sure. Sure, sure, sure. Jenny: I would love to give you notes. Tasha: What? I need the carbs for training. Alice: But do you need them that fast? You have them all over your suit. Tina: Wow, you look amazing. Tasha: Thank you. Alice: I dressed her. Do a little spinzy, come on. Tasha: No. Alice: It's her first day at the police academy, so... Tina: Excited? Tasha: Yeah, I am, actually. All my friends had the training, it's really, it's really rough. Alice: I tried to dress her in my morning, but she just thought she looked like a girl. Tasha: It was inappropriate. Alice: You looked so good in that. You know it. You just hate to look good or something. Tasha: What the fck is that supposed to mean? Alice: There is like a lack of effort. Bette: (receive a sms) Tell me about fashion. Fashion for... I don't know. Tina: When you guys are gonna go to therapy? Tasha: There is a thing called privacy, Alice. Bette: Privacy. Alice: Well, I see you at Dan Foxworthy's at 6. There's parking on the... Helena: Wow, look at you! You look a million dollars! Alice: fck, you know? Bad vibes. You and Shane should work your sh1t out, 'cause this place is becoming like the black hole of Calcutta. Helena: It's good to see we're still asunder; nothing like a little dyke drama to tear the place out. Alice: That's what I'm saying. Bad vibes, man. Jenny: Helena, why don't you come and sit with us? Helena: No, I'm not picking sides, alright? I love you both. Going for a run. Kit: Go Swizerland! Tina: We have some good news. Bette: Yeah, we have good news. Tina: Yeah, good news. Do you wanna tell them? Bette: Why don't you tell them? Tina: Bette and I are registered with three different agencies and they said the chance of us getting a baby within the next six months is really good. Alice, Shane: What?! Jenny: Congratulations. Bette: And we're starting construction on the second storey 'cause we need an other bedroom. Alice: But I thought you guys were talking about selling? Tina: We're staying. Bette: We couldn't sell. Not now. I mean, with the poperty values, plumbing and everything. So... Jenny: When were you gonna tell me about construction? Tina: We're telling you now. We have to. We need a room for the baby. Jenny: How am I supposed to write with all that noise? Tina: I'm sorry, Jenny. We will do our best not to disturb you. But you might wanna get some earplugs. Jenny: I have to get a new roomate. This is gonna be impossible with your racket. Shane: Jenny, please! You don't need a new roomate! You have not spoken to me in a week. Would you just talk to me? I know we can work this out. Jenny: Oh, right. So, you want me to forgive you because you made me waffles? Shane: Well, why wouldn't you? Jenny: Because you create this trail of destruction you don't take any responsibility for it. Why should you be the only one that doesn't pay? Shane: I am paying. Jenny: You are so full of sh1t. Alice: The black hole. At Jenny's home. Max: How you're doing? Tom: Hi, Shane. Max: So you're putting in those flower boxes Jenny wanted, huh? How many more things you're gonna do for her? Shane: I don't know yet. Jenny: There's something wrong with my computer and I wondered if you could fix it. Max: You know what? I can't 'cause I'm going to my final consult today. Shane: Good luck. Max: Thanks. In the studio of the production of LezGirls. We are going to see a picture with a girl and a boy. A men: Alright. Are you ready for this? The productor: Do it. I love it. Love it. A woman: Love it! The men: We thought you would. The woman: "The Girls", it's so fcking hot. This thing is gonna make "sx in the city" like a Disney movie. Tina: What's "The Girls"? The movie is called "Lez Girls". "Lez". The productor: I haven't had a chance to talk to Tina about the market research. I'll full you in in a minute. In the meantime, why don't you just give me a briefing on the release. The woman: After the initial two weeks, we'll go wide. We have 2000 screens nation wide and select cities in here. The men: France is gonna eat this up. Tina: No. The productor: No what? Tina: No way. I am not gonna let you get away with this. I'm not gonna let you market this as some bullshit boy meets girl love story! That's not what this is! The woman: It's more than that. It's boy meets girl, boy almost looses girl to girl... The men: But in the end the audience wants love to prevail. That's the winner hear. The new ending tested through the roof. Tina: What? The new...What you mean the new ending tested? When did you have a test screening? The productor: Get on board, Tina. Train's not going to Lezzie town. At Phyllis, Bette and Jodi's work. A woman: This is amazing. Art General uses the correlation about how she uses human emotions like pieces of scrapped metal, words like found materials. A men: It works on so many levels. I mean, here is the Curator who told people their work wasn't worthy. The gallerist who wouldn't show an artist and now the Dean who rejects applications. Jodi: (Tom speaks) Exactly. A woman who has stood in judgment of our art her entire career is now being thrust into the spot light as the art... The woman: It's brilliant. Phyllis: This kind of praise is fantastic for our program. I can guarantee that we're gonna see... Bette: She arrives. We could use the same material throughout and...I can't talk right now. Alright. bye. Bette: Forgive me. I had the contractors on the phone. Do you know we're doing that second storey on the house for the baby... Jodi: Phyllis, would you mind just finishing what you were saying? Phyllis: What I was saying was that based on C.U. associations with Jodi, I wouldn't be surprised if we see a significant increase in applicants this coming semester. Max is seeing the doctor. Max: So one of my goals is to be able to take my shirt off at the beach within a year. That's my goal. Feel my pecs. I've been doing like 200 pushings today. Feel like I'm already bigger. That's awesome. The doctor: Very good. That's very impressive. Max: Yeah, I think I'm doing good with the contour. I just, I hope I grew more chest to cover the scars. The doctor: Well, I think Dr. Stanhouse is gonna try to do the key whole procedure on you? Max: Yeah, I'm hoping so. The doctor: And is your schedule for surgery on wednesday? Max: Yeah, he called me this morning and he said that as soon as he gets the lab reports we're gonna be able to... The doctor: I'm afraid there's a problem. Max: What's the problem? The doctor: You're pregnant. Max: No, I can't, I can't be pregnant. No, I've been taking testosterone. The doctor: Have you had intercourse? Have you and Tom had unprotected sx? Max: Yeah, but we've been both tested for H.I.V. We've been monogamous. The doctor: If you and Tom have had vaginal sx. I know you might not call it that, but unfortunately, that doesn't stop it from working the same way. Taking testosterone doesn't shut down the reproductive system. Max: What about my surgery? The doctor: We're gonna have to postpone your surgery. We're gonna have to find out how far along you are and you're gonna have to decide what you wanna do about it. Bette: We'll have your budget done by the end of the week. We cannot afford to have the art department last... again. Thank you. A men: (to Jodi) Can I ask how she responded? Our Dean? How did she respond to the work? Bette: He asks how I responded to your work. Jodi: I don't know. Jodi: How did you like the show? Bette: signs See you in my office. Jodi: But I can't. I have paints. Bette: Can I talk to you, please? Phyllis: Sure, let's go to my office. I hope Preston didn't bother you. He's an old fool with a... for gossip. Bette: It wasn't really about Preston. I mean, the truth is that Jodi's behaviour was completely inappropriate... They enter in the office. Joyce: Baby, when it comes down to it, this is all I have to offer you. And if you can't love this... Phyllis: Joyce! Cover your junk! Joyce: Sorry, Bette. Bette: We reschedule? Phyllis: Joyce, what are you doing? You can't just pop out from behind a plant butt naked. We have rules here. Joyce: I checked first to make sure you didn't have anything. I was acting with my heart. I'm a woman in love. Please, take a lot of. Phyllis Eleonore Victoria Kroll, you are one hell of a woman. While the law in the state of California continues to acknowledge our love, I would like to ask you to take my hand in holy matrimony. Phyllis: I don't know what to say. Joyce: Say yes. Phyllis: How many carats is this? Joyce: Four! Say yes! Phyllis: How much did you spend? This must have cost a fortune. Joyce: I've got a friend who has a friend... Say yes, Phyllis, please. Phyllis: But I said I never wanted to get married again. Joyce: We'll go to San Fransisco, we'll get married on... of City Hall, Gavin said he'd marry us. Phyllis: Gavin Newsom? The mayor of San Fransisco? Joyce: That's right. We raised a lot of money for that guy. Say yes, Phyllis. I'm freezing. Phyllis: Yes. Joyce: Damn, lady! Come here, you! You've made me one happy woman. At the therapy for Alice and Tasha. Dan: Who wants to tell me why you're here? Alice: Oh, we're just here for a tune-up. Dan: Does that seem like an accurate assessment to you, Tasha? Alice: She's the one who called it that. We've just had a couple of little, little things come up lately. Dan: What sorts of little things? Alice: Money, I make a lot more than she does. Dan: How's that make you feel, Tasha? Alice: Resentful. She doesn't want me to spend this much because she can't afford it. Dan: Is that true? Alice: Absolutely. We couldn't even get a bigger appartment because she couldn't share the rent fifty-fifty. And I also think she resents me because I don't clean as much as she does. Dan: Do you? Alice: Oh, look, now she's mad. Is there anything else? Tasha broke up with me last week. Dan: Really? Why did you break up with Alice, Tasha? Alice: Because she thought I cheated when I didn't even kiss the girl. Dan: Did you think about it? Alice: Yeah, but, I mean, she wouldn't have even known if I didn't tell her. So I think that mere fact that I disclosed the information should count to something. Right? Dan: But if you knew Tasha's feelings about the subject of cheating, why did you choose to tell her? I think we're past it. I think what we have to work... Dan: Alice, this is called couples' therapy for a reason. Now, Tasha, this process works much more effectively if you participate. Why do you think Alice told you? Alice: She doesn't even wanna be here. Tasha: I think that she told me because she wanted to break up with me and bringing this woman between us was the easiest way to do that. She knew how I felt, she knew that I would break up with her and when I did, she got scared. That's why we're here. Max goes to a hospital. Receptionist: Can I help you? Max: Uh, yes, I have an appointment? I called in earlier? Hi, I'm Max Sweeney. I have an appointment. Receptionist: For your girlfriend, or... Max: No. It's for me. I need an abortion. People: What did he say? The receptionist: If this is your idea of a joke it's not funny. Max: I'm not joking, alright? I'm pregnant. The receptionist: Sir, if you don't leave now, I'm gonna have to call the security. Max: Look, I'm a F.T.M. transsexual, alright? Yeah, that's right! Take a good look! I'm a man and I'm pregnant. It happens. Don't you read the fcking tabloids?! Can I have my appointment now, please? Jenny is writing. Jenny: I'm trying to write. Shane is washing Jenny's car with music. Can I have my keys? Alice: I promise to make room in the apartment for your things. Tasha: And um, I promise to try to see things through your point of view. And to not talk to you with so much judgment. And tomorrow when I wake up, for work, I'm gonna make you breakfeast. Alice: I love that! It's good, right? Tasha: Yeah, I know, it's good. Alice: So, um, are you gonna give us more exercizes or...? I mean, maybe some homework. I think we're ready for some homework. Tasha: Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready. Bring in on. Dan: I'm not gonna give you homework. I don't think you two should be in therapy. Tasha: That's what I said. See? Alice: We rock. Dan: You two have so little in common. I really don't think you belong together. They leave. Alice: I mean, what the fck? It's like, we spent what, 55 minutes with this guy? Where is he fcking go off? Tasha: I told you. Therapy's bullshit. Alice: It's bullshit, you're right. Tasha: He knows nothing about what we do and don't have in common. Alice: What the hell is he talking about? We don't have anything in common. Really? Dan? Tasha:I know, it's crazy. Give me my helmet. Alice: I don't know. Tasha:Thank you. Alice: Upsetting. I'll see you tonight? Tasha: Come here. They make love in the car. Tom arrives to the hospital. Tom: Hey, are you okay? Sorry, I couldn't get any sooner. Should you be op already? Max: They wouldn't do it. I'm too far along already. Tom: How far along? Max: Four months. Tom: How did this happen? Max: How the fck do you think it happened?! Tom: But, I didn't think you could. You've been... Max: Yeah, I thought if I was seeking testosterone, I couldn't get pregnant, okay? I was wrong. Tom: Why wouldn't your doctor tell you something like that? Max: I don't know. Maybe because she didn't think I was stupid enough to let some faggot fck me! Tom: Hey, fck you! Don't blame this on me! Max: Who the hell am I supposed to blame, huh? Who the hell has his dick been inside me? Tom: How am I supposed to know? Max: You got me pregnant, you faggot! It was you! Tom: I can't do this, Max. I'm not ready. At Alice's home. Alice: Clear the desk. Tasha: What kind of a list? Alice: Pros and cons list. My mother used to make this all the time to kinda decide whether she's gonna divorce her ex-husbands. Tasha: And that's the model we're gonna follow? Alice: Well, she had very successful divorces. Pro. Tasha: Hold on. Why con gotta be black though? Alice: It's not a race thing. It's just... Red is happy. Red is like pro... Tasha: No, red represents the devil. Alice: Fine. I'm writing down "color weirdness". Tina and Bette visit a gallery. Bette: The work is really good but the show is uneven. Tina: This is, uh... This is weird.I think it's weird. Bette: Hey, someone spent some money, huh? David: Yes, she's spent a small fortune. Bette: Really? God, I would kill to have a piece like this when I have my own gallery. David: Me too. Bette: Do you know who Kelly Wentworth is? John: A rich divorcée. She walked away with 80 million dollars of Dick Wentworth's fortune. Kelly: And decided to spend it on making herself a presence in the art world. Do you like my vanity project? John: It's lovely. Kelly: Thank you. Oh, it was 89 million. Bette Porter? Kelly Wentworth. Bette: Please to meet you. It's really a spectacular space. You've been here a long time? Kelly: You really don't remember me? Bette: Juicy fcking Freemont?! Jesus! Oh my God! Kelly: I swear to fcking God, you look better than you did in college. Bitch! Bette: Look at that biatch! The blond looks so good on you. Kelly: Thank you. Look at your body. Are you still a runner? Bette: I mean, sometimes. Not, not really often. God, what the hell are you doing in L.A.? I thought you were married to New York forever. Kelly: Well, I thought I was married to Dick Wentworth forever. Holy fcking sh1t! I'm so, so happy to see you. Bette: Oh my God... Oh, God, I'm sorry. This is Tina Kennard, my partner. Tina: Hello. Kelly: Still gay, hey, Porter? Bette: Yeah, well, I lack of imagination in some areas. Not many. This is Kelly Frimont. The Kelly Frimont! Oh, Kelly Frimont, the college roomate! Kelly: Right. Tina: Well, I've heard a lot about you. Kelly: Did you tell Tina about you and me? Bette: Well, I told her that you let me kiss you once and were so ceased by a deep and abiding homosexual panic that you moved out of the house immadiately. Kelly: She got over me in two minutes. Bette: Ten. Tina: This piece is beautiful. Kelly: I know. Tina: You have great taste. Kelly: I love the tonality. I just ordered a roadster in this colour. I did! Bette: Well, we're gonna go see the rest of the show. Kelly: Okay, but, don't leave without saying goodbye. Bette: I will. Tina: We will. It was nice to meet you. Kelly: You too. [SCENE_BREAK] Alice: There is way more cons than pros. Tasha: Alright, let's say this, like "doesn't cook with pepper" ever, right? It, uh, it shouldn't be, it shouldn't count as many points as, like, "makes me wanna be a better person". Right? Alice: It's pretty good. Tasha: So we should do it on a point system. Like, "doesn't cook with pepper" should get what, two points, and... Alice: Like a point system? Tasha: Yeah, like a point system exactly. And then "is spontaneous", I just pick that one 'cause I, I really appreciate that about you. Alice: "Likes to get spanked" you should add. Tasha: Okay, this would get like 8 points. Alice: Okay, that is so smart. Very smart. I mean, you're smart. You're smart. Give me this. Tasha: How many points? Alice: Oh, nine. You get 9. Oh yeah, the pros are so winning now. Kelly (to a men): So, call me and we'll arrange a studio visit. To Bette and Tina: Just one of the many things I love about the art world. Bette: Yeah, well, he's a terrible artist. Kelly: Luckily I'm not interested in his work.Oh, you guys aren't going, are you? Bette: Yeah, we are. Tina: Yeah. Kelly: Well, we have to make a plan, lunch, diner, whatever. I really wanna pick that brain of yours. Bette: Yeah, well, the first thing I would tell you is not to sign an artist that you wanna fck. Kelly: That comes from firsthand experience? John: I read your article on the Art Journal. It was amazing. Jodi: Oh, thank you! John: The cover? Incredible. I loved your lips. Bette: Do you mind? Tina: No, I think you should. Bette: Excuse me. Bette: Just a second. I need to talk to you. Jodi: I'm sorry. Just a second.Now what? Bette: James has been trying to schedule an appointment with you and you haven't come back to him. Jodi: I've been busy. Bette: Do you realise that you report to me? And if I ask to see you, then you make it happen. Jodi: I don't report to you, Bette. I don't report to anybody. Bette: You have until tomorrow. Jodi: Or what? Kelly: I knew about it if I couldn't choose my T.A. I saw her. It was like one after the next, little moths to a flame. She burnt everyone of them. Tina: Really? Kelly: You know. Bette: You're ready? It was really great to see you. Kelly: You too. Bette: Good luck with the gallery. Kelly: Thank you. I'll see you soon. Tina: Nice to meet you. MUSIC - At the Hit Club Alice: Yeah, you two are a great pair. No alcohol, no sx. It's... Kit: Well, that's what you have to do to keep your sanity and not to mention your shirt on in this business. Helena: But, I mean, I'm not a complete nun. I have the occasional drink. I even have sx every now and then. Alice: Alright, just not with people you like? Helena: Yeah, that's my new M.O. All business, no attachment. Alice: What the fck? Helena: What? Alice: Twelve o'clock, the female in the lesbo sandwich. Oh, you've gotta be kidding me! Kit: Dylan, did she come out of the closet? Tasha: That girl used to be straight? Alice: Well, she wasn't gay back when she was fcking Helena. Wow, looks like someone's carpet is about to get munched. Kit: You're okay? Helena: Of course, why wouldn't I be? Alice: You're not freaking out? Helena: No, there's no reason to. Alice: But that's the woman who extorted you for sexually harassing her! Kit: What is wrong with you? Alice: I'm just saying. Of all the gin joints in all the world? Tom is coming back at Max's home. Tom: I've been calling you. Max: I know. My phone broke. Tom: I wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I reacted. You just caught me by surprise. I... I've started to think about it. What do you think about having the baby? Max: fck off! Tom: Don't you wanna be a couple of West Hollywood fag dads? Max: I don't know. How we're fcking handle this? Tom: We can handle it. We can. We both make a decent living. We love each other. We've said we want to spend our lives together. I'll have to think about it. Max: Sorry I kicked you in the balls. Tom: I'm sorry I knocked you up. Tina and Bette are home Tina: Oh my God, she was so irritating. Did you hear her? "Look at your body"! "Are you still a runner"? While you were talking to Jodi, she asked me if you were still a player. Bette: I was never a player. Kelly: That's not what Kelly said. Tina: She said no matter whether you're in a relationship or not, you've always had at least two other women on the side. Bette: Kelly was too busy fcking every male professor to pay attention to what I was doing. Tina: Oh and another thing, she's sorry she didn't take you up on that offer 20 years ago. Bette: Did you tell her we're exclusive? Tina: No, I didn't, Bette. I figured if some gorgeous woman from your past come along, talking about how hot you are and how sorry she is she didn't sleep with you, I'm not gonna be the one to tell her that you're not available for a redo. But you know that I'm not. But you were flirting. Bette: I was not flirting. Tina: Yes, you were. Bette: You can't help it. Tina: What? Bette: You never flirt? Tina: Of course I flirt, but it's different for you. It feeds you. You feed off people wanting you. And they do want you. It's... It's like blood to a vampire. Bette: So now, I'm a vampire? Tina: I love you. I don't wanna deprive you of something that's so fundamental to who you are. Bette: You need to trust that I know who I am. And I know what to do with it. Tina: I don't know what that means. Bette: It means that everyone else can fck off because I only want you. I only wanna be wanted by you. They make love. Back at the Hit Club. A girl: Thank you. Helena:Thank you, gorgeous. Kit: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Alice: You're with me? Helena: What? What are we gonna do? Alice: Get my back. Tasha: What did she do to Helena? Alice: Wait a minute. Right now, I wanna tell her where she gets off messing with my friend. I'm gonna tell her. I'm so telling her. Alice: Really...Really? Dylan: Excuse me? Alice: I mean, come on, the hair. The hair... and the documentaries! It's like... I'm... not... gay! Yeah, it's a good one. A good one. I got this. Tasha: She's got it. Dylan: You look, you look amazing. Can we talk? Alice: Okay, so basically, that skankful Dylan Moreland almost ruined entire Helena's life. First, she pretended to be in love with her, okay? So she and her boyfriend could sue her for sexual harassment and extort million of dollars from her. Hi, we were... Sorry, dude, we just left. Can you believe it? Helena: Get me a Pellegrino. So, are you aware that this is my club? Dylan: No, I just came back into town and, I mean, I heard that this was the best girl club in L.A. Helena: And you were looking for a girl club, a lesbian girl club? Dylan: Yes, I mean, you know. Obviously, you, you helped me with that. I mean, I finally figured it out, right? Helena: Good. Dylan: I just... I can't begin to tell you about how sorry I am about everything, about the way I behave, the way I treated you. And I don't expect for you to care about my life at all right now. I... I certainly don't expect for you to care that I've, I've never stopped thinking about you. Ever. And wishing that I'd met you at a different time in my life. I can go if you want me to go. Helena: No, it's fine. Look, I only came over because it would be akward for me not to say anything, especially since it's my club. Stay, stay, have a good time. Enjoy it. Be with your friends. Alice: So, her mother get so mad she cuts Helena off, so she has to come live with me and become a cook! Helena: I was a caterer. Alice: Which was a disaster, and let's face it Helena is used to a certain standard of living. So she meets this shady high-roller lady. they hook up but she uses Helena and takes all her money and when Helena takes it back, and we still don't know where she buried it, she gets arrested and has to share a cell with some killer! Helena: She was in for text fraud. Alice: Alright. So, her mother can't take it anymore, she bails Helena out, but she doesn't wanna live under her mother's thumb anymore. So she springs Dusty from jail, they go to Tahaa which she doesn't ever want to talk about, so it couldn't have been that great, right? Tasha: Right. Alice: And her mother gets stung by a jellyfish, all because of this woman. Tasha: Want me to kick her ass? Helena: Thank you. Tasha: You're a better person that me. I'd have to beat a bitch down if she tried to do that sh1t to me. Alice: Are you okay? Helena: I'm perfect. Alice: And don't even get me started on her kids, 'cause where did they go? Helena: I don't give a fck who's idea it was. You took part. You manipulated my emotions, you used me, and you humiliated me, and you've got to be fcking insane thinking you could just prance in here act as if nothing ever happened, tell me that you're happy, tell me that you're out of the closet, tell me that you're oh so sorry for destroying my fcking life. fck you! Dylan: Thank you! Now I know you care. At Jenny's home. Shane: I need my stuff. Open the door. Thanks. Jenny: So that's it? You're done trying? Shane: I'm out. I don't see the point with you anymore. Jenny: Shane, you know that it was you, right? When I said that you broke my heart? I was talking about you. You know, when I said it I felt like my, my, my heart was breaking. Shane: I tried to tell you all week how sorry I am. I'm not ever gonna hurt you like that again. Jenny: I also realized that I'm in love with you.Now I'm like all those stupid girls. Shane: Jenny Jenny: What?! What? They kiss.
doc_245	Detective Taylor: A specialist escort agency for the very rich. Danny: Alex didn't use escorts. Alex: I have to buy a battery for my laptop. Danny: I stole something... from the attic. It's a locked cylinder. It needs a code. Scottie: Which you don't know? Danny: No. I've gone over every conversation, every word. Scottie: Danny, you've got to figure it out, you're the only one who can. Scottie: Did you know that I suffer from depression?! Did you know that in the past I drank?! Claire: I didn't know Alex well personally. There are not many students who start their degree at 15. Danny: He was murdered. Claire: So I take it you want to speak to his professor? Danny: Marcus Shore. Journalist: Why did they murder him? Danny: I don't know. Scottie: Whatever Alex discovered, whatever it was, whatever it is, no-one wants in the open. We're not up against one intelligence agency, we're up against them all. Danny: I need information. Scottie: What does it mean? It means we are quite alone. Rich: Get in the car. It's for you. Not here! ( Mobile phone rings ) Distorted voice: You're looking for answers. But are you ready for them? Get in the hotel. Room 116. [SCENE_BREAK] Distorted voice: The bathroom. Get in. Clothes on. Distorted voice: Now you're clean, we can talk a little freer. Get changed. Outside. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: Where are we going? Distorted voice: Do you want to know who Alex was or not? Distorted voice: The doors are locked, Danny. No way out. No way back. I want to take you on a journey... into Alex's past. [SCENE_BREAK] Distorted voice: Remember this place? Are you sure you know what really happened in there? Walk. ( Distant laughter ) Distorted voice: A reservation. For two. ( Phone beeps ) Waitress: There you go. Menu. Doppelganger: Here I am. Alex's past. [SCENE_BREAK] Doppelganger: Well... this is weird. Never done anything like this before. Danny: Like this? What is this? Doppelganger: Being paid to tell someone how I... their boyfriend. They said you wouldn't believe me. Danny: Who are they? Doppelganger: Who are they? They are the people pulling my strings. I have no control over what I'm about to do. Like this... No control. Alex... ate breakfast here... almost every morning. Danny: You can even tell me what he liked to order? Doppelganger: What? Oh, to be convincing, you mean? Danny: You watched him? Doppelganger: Serving. Danny: A waiter? Doppelganger: Me? No. Please. I was pretending. The service... it's very expensive because the people, we... don't know that we are... escorts. Danny: How is that possible? Doppelganger: We pretend. We pretend to meet them by chance, we pretend to be won over by their charms... we pretend to... for pleasure... which takes some serious pretending. Danny: Who pays you? Doppelganger: Our clients aren't the people we... We report back. So and so... likes it like this. So and so... likes a little of this. ( He sniffs ) Danny: Blackmail? Doppelganger: But that's not my business. Danny: You just do the fcking. Doppelganger: I just do the fcking. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Alex gasps ) Doppelganger (O.C.): They told me to meet him... in the way you met him. Doppelganger: I'm sorry... Doppelganger (O.C.): An accident. They told me to be like you. They told me to act like you. [SCENE_BREAK] Doppelganger: In the end, Alex wasn't so tricky. He just needed to believe... he was being good... all the way up until he was being... a little bit bad. How do you seduce a good man? Doppelganger (O.C.): My approach was simple. I told him a sad story. Doppelganger: I tell him it's the will and last testament of my mother. And my mother, she never loved me, bitch. In her will, the bitch leaves just three things to me. Just three paintings. That's all. And Alex, listening like a puppy dog. And I tell him, heartbroken... they are the three paintings I painted for her. I'm an artist, I say... No, not yet an artist, aspiring to be. Danny: Pretending to be. Doppelganger: That's a true story. I am an artist. Danny: What? Doppelganger: What do you think? I grew up wanting to be an escort? Enough, Danny. Enough with not believing. What do you need? I'll give it to you? Hmm? You need those little details? A birthmark on the inside of his thigh? Something whispered? Something moaned? He had a thirst, I can tell you that. Like a man crawling out of the desert. Yeah? Throat dry. Lips dry. Gulping up all those missed years. Danny: Where? Doppelganger: My place. Danny: Your place? Doppelganger: My fake place. Danny: Why did he come round? Doppelganger: To see my paintings, of course. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: What did you do? Doppelganger (O.C.): You hate yourself for asking. Doppelganger: So... Doppelganger (O.C.): But you had to know. Doppelganger: I'll be right back, OK? Give me a second. Doppelganger (O.C.): You had to ask... what did we do? Doppelganger: We played a game. How long can we talk without mentioning the only thing we were both thinking about? The first game lasted an hour. The second game... lasted a little longer... ( Alex pants ) [SCENE_BREAK] Doppelganger: I rang him afterwards, but he didn't answer. The client wanted more. But Alex wasn't interested. Danny: Why wouldn't you tell me that he kept coming back? Doppelganger: Because I can see you're good at sniffing a lie. So, I told you the truth. Danny: Why did they hire you? Doppelganger: I don't know, I don't care. It's just a job. Danny: He's dead. Your job. He was murdered. You think you're not involved? Because you seem like a loose end to me. Doppelganger: I was told to pay for our dinner. Danny: Hey? How else are you going to let them know what a great job you did? Doppelganger: I can see strings on you too. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: What are you thinking? Alex: Say it again. Danny: What are you thinking? Alex: Nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Scottie: You were Alex's first experience of love. If he enjoyed a second, would you seem less important? Could the thrill of the new replace the comfort of the old? Watergate wasn't just about bugging the opposition. They used prostitutes to collect information on rival candidates to shame them, manipulate them, destroy them. sx has always been a means of control. In the end, your relationship became a threat to their relationship with him. He changed you, you changed him, priorities altered, loyalties altered. I noticed it in our friendship. The two of you were besotted. The rest of the world ceased to exist, but Alex was one of their most important minds. Did you imagine they'd just allow him to drift away? Danny: I didn't think about it. Scottie: It's all THEY would've thought about. What binds this brilliant young man to us? The Queen? Our history? His parents? Danny: I accept that I didn't know anything about his...work. His job. The truth is, I didn't really know him as a person either. I didn't know him. Scottie: Of all the attacks they've used, including your health, the one that has proved most effective is smut. For you, of all people. Danny: He made a mistake, that's not it. But why didn't he tell me? Some of it? Any of it? Scottie: Because you wanted him to be perfect. He saw that more clearly than you. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: It was his funeral last week. Do you know how I found out? I heard about it on the news. He was buried at a private ceremony for... close friends and family. Scottie: I can't count how many men I've comforted when their partners were dying and the family wouldn't allow them into the hospital, or the church where they're buried. I'm tired of it... tired of hearing about it. He wasn't close to his parents, he was close to you. Hold your own funeral, say your own goodbye. Danny: That's what I should be doing. Saying goodbye. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: What am I doing all this other stuff for? Because Alex discovered some government secret? So what? Cos they lied about a war? They spy on us? Who..? What's it got to do with me? [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: And you know, I don't know any code. I don't. Danny (O.C.): So, I don't know... Danny: Maybe, whatever those secrets are, maybe they weren't meant for me. Scottie: Then, that's that. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Distant seagulls ) Danny: Do you believe in soul mates? Alex: No. Not only do I not believe in them... it's not even a nice idea. Danny: Not a nice idea? Alex: That there's only just one other person out there for you. What are the odds this person would be in the same country? Or the same city? That their paths would even cross? It would mean almost everyone in the world is with the wrong person. If it's a way of saying, "we're good together", why not just say... "we're good together"? But if you mean it literally... Danny: You think there are better people out there for you? Alex: There might be. For both of us. But since we don't know them, it's just a theoretical. Danny: Yes. It's... a sentimental idea. The maths doesn't add up. But... we're by the fire, we're under a night sky. Couldn't you just have said "yes"? Alex: Is that what your soul mate would've done? [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: Can it be opened? Silversmith: If you know the code. [SCENE_BREAK] Alex: This is us. Danny: Oh, I've done a lot of things with a lot of different people and... that's part of the reason I'm sure... that we're something special. But, for you, it... I don't want you to stay with me just because I'm the first. So, you should see other people. You should. Alex: I don't want to. Danny: I only meant... Alex: I don't need to. Alex: .. that there's only just one other person out there for you. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Dog barks ) ( Doorbell rings ) Danny: Scottie? Scottie?! Scottie? ( Faint murmuring ) Danny: Scottie?! Scottie? Scottie: I was just remembering. Danny: Huh? Scottie: A place. I was remembering... a place. Danny: Right, we need to get you to the hospital. Scottie: Will you just listen to me, for once, Danny?! Danny: You were remembering... a place. Scottie: A place where no-one cares. Pathetic. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: Thank you. Scottie: My parents used to chide me. "You were such a happy child." Danny: How long? Scottie: Like this? Three weeks. Worse and worse each day. Now as bad as it's ever been. It can't be coincidence, can it? 30 years I've been OK and, now, like this? Danny: Why might someone who's managed depression for 30 years suddenly suffer a relapse? For no reason? [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: This is what we're going to do. We'll get new pills. Real pills from a different doctor. You can keep them on you at all... Unless they switch them before they give them to you. I'll get them illegally. I know someone. He can get anything. Scottie: On your shell. Until they find a crack. A frailty. A vulnerability. No matter how small. And then they pick away. Scottie: How do you kill an alcoholic? With alcohol. How do you kill a drug addict? With drugs. How do you kill a depressive? Danny: Where'd you get them? Dealer: People tell the doctor whatever story, collect a prescription, sell it to me. They're good. It's all good. Always good from me. Do you want something else? Danny: No. Nothing else. [SCENE_BREAK] Scottie: Thank you. Have you examined the contents? Danny: We're going to need help. Scottie: With help comes risk. The more people you involve... Look what they've done to us. That was before they knew we had this. Danny: I can do this alone. Scottie: There are rumours. About how the... Kremlin guarantees the loyalty of its most important citizens. Under the pretext of celebrating an election to the State Duma, the individual is treated to the finest meal Moscow has to offer. At some point during that night... this prized individual blacks out... waking in a hotel suite, on a bed, beside a terrified naked child. Before he can say anything, the FSB storm the room, arrest him, and take him to an interrogation cell in Moscow's Butyrka prison, where the individual swears he is not a paedophile. "My drink must have been spiked!" "I, I've been framed by my enemies!" He doesn't know. He can't explain. "But it is a mistake!" And, to his surprise... the FSB officer agrees that it is a mistake, but it is a mistake they will hold on record forever, a mistake no-one will ever see, unless... the individual makes a mistake of a political kind. And, with that, the man's choice is clear - privilege or disgrace. Destruction or survival. The FSB officer believes he's won. The individual believes he's lost. But those systems of oppression... as ruthless as they appear, as unbeatable as they seem, never hold, never last, never survive, for we will not live in fear. I would like to finish this particular adventure with you, Daniel Edward Holt. If you'll have me. [SCENE_BREAK] Scottie (O.C.): We're being watched. We will be followed. So we separate. Shake them off. And meet up at a place... where no-one can follow us without revealing themselves. Danny: The place where no-one cares? Scottie: I've always taken comfort from the idea that people don't care. That they have better things to think about, that there are more important matters to worry about. I like it when people walk past me and couldn't care less what I'm wearing, or whose hand I'm holding. The place where no-one cares. When I was young, I spent a lot of time searching for it, and I promised myself, if I ever found it, if it ever existed, that's where I'd make my home. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: What do you think? Scottie: Ambition. But no conviction. You skip from short stories to lyrics, from poems to sketches, hoping the world will tell you who you are. You must tell the world. Claire: There you are. Scottie: Well done. Danny: You weren't followed? Claire: Well, I hope not. Scottie: So, will Marcus help us? Claire: He didn't say. Keep back, and then that gives you your 'B' for 'Baritone'. Oh, I see - no, four, of course. Scottie: Yes. Claire: And that's got... Danny: Where did you two meet? Scottie: Cambridge. Claire: We shared a flat. I was the first person he shared the secret of his sexuality with. Scottie: At that time, it was illegal. And there were rumours. Claire: So, then, I...agreed to play the part of...his lover. And we walked around arm in arm, and we... had picnics in the scholar's garden and... it was supposed to last about two months or so. Scottie: It lasted two years. Danny: Are you gay? Claire: No. Danny: Did you see other people? Claire: No. Scottie: I tried to become the man I was pretending to be. You know, I prayed for the right kind of desire? A sham romance, you might say. Claire: No. Scottie: No, no. We're friends. We have been ever since. We can't be sad about that. I refuse to be sad about that. Marcus: It's all very touching. Claire: Marcus... This is Danny, Alex's partner. And Scottie. Marcus: Where is it? Danny: Cheers. Marcus: You didn't know, did you? How smart he was? Danny: I knew. Marcus: But not really. Danny: Not in the way you did, no. Marcus: His partner... without any appreciation of his intellect. Beyond some generalised idea that he was good with numbers. Love without knowledge. Popular culture might depict that as a romantic notion, I suppose. Danny: He never spoke about his work. Marcus: What did you talk about? Danny: Everything else. Marcus: I see. No, I don't. I don't see at all. Danny: Well, what did you two talk about? Outside of work? Marcus: We didn't. Look, try to understand, I was sure, absolutely certain that he was going to change the world in some way. Not my world. THE world. Can you imagine the enormity of that feeling? Being in the company of someone like that? Danny: We knew different people. Marcus: Hmm. The man I knew was exceptional. The man you knew was not. Danny: The... Marcus: Unless you're going to tell me how many sugars he took in his tea, or how he liked to be fcked. Are these the details that define us? Danny: I think that... being admired is lonely. Marcus: You're right, I'm sure. But that was the price he had to pay. The ordinary world wasn't for him. And his flirtation with it... was always going to end badly. Danny: Professor? I miss him, too. Marcus: He did it. The 9/11 attackers sent e-mails using pre-arranged code words. "The Faculty Of Urban Planning" was the World Trade Center. The, uh, The Pentagon was "The Faculty Of Fine Arts". Mohammed Atta's final message to the other terrorists referred to their semesters beginning in three weeks at the faculties of Urban Planning and Fine Arts. Two e-mails. In this one, "zoo" means zoo. In this one, it means airport. How do you tell them apart? When... people... who go to the zoo also visit... museums. They watch animated movies. Buy children's clothes. And donate... to animal charities. Convert our entire online history into numbers, and a visit to the zoo... looks... like this. A coded message looks... like this. The 9/11 terrorists used innocent words, but they didn't use them like the rest of us. We like to think of ourselves as individuals. But we're not. We're a pattern. We are... married, gay... straight, professional, rich, poor. Our online DNA, revealing... our true nature... even... when we lie. I told him he would change the world. I just didn't tell him how dangerous it would be. Alex decided to apply his concept to speech. Words don't occur in isolation. They're part of a series of actions. Your intake of breath, facial gestures, pupil dilation, hand movements. Alex theorised they formed patterns, and these patterns would be different if we were telling the truth or telling a lie. Claire: A lie detector? Scottie: Important lies are told by important people. Marcus: They'd never consent to a test of any kind. Alex didn't need their consent. They've already provided all the information. The most important people in the world are also the most documented. Study every word they've ever spoken. Mundane, profound - it doesn't matter. Analyse every variable possible. Translate that information into numbers, and identify the patterns. A fingerprint... for our truths and our lies. Claire: We'd be able to analyse every statement. Marcus: Every political claim. Er, every case for war. Every court case verdict. Scottie: The end of lies. Marcus: If the four of us survive a week, I'd be very surprised. Marcus: You're a thoroughly nice guy, aren't you, Danny? So was Alex. For all his intellect, an innocent, really. When he told me he was going to work for GCHQ, I knew it was a mistake. He didn't belong in that world. And I could feel him wanting me to tell him so. Danny: Why didn't you say something? Marcus: We didn't have that kind of a relationship. I take it you have some kind of plan? Scottie: We must prove it works. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: You don't have a plan, do you? Scottie: No. He needed to believe I did. And we need him. You see? Proof - the orderly functioning of society depends on our ability to lie. Given the choice of no lies, or lies, every organization, every person of power, without exception, will choose lies. Danny: Maybe Alex imagined a better way of doing things. Scottie: I wonder when he began work on this project. Danny: Why does that matter? Scottie: Maybe he was ashamed of the lies he'd told you. Ashamed that your relationship was built on lies. Maybe on some level, he thought he was making amends. Danny: To who? Scottie: To you. [SCENE_BREAK] Scottie: Danny! Danny: I'm to blame. Scottie: I'm sorry. Danny: I'm to blame. Scottie: I never said "to blame". Danny: He did it for me? Scottie: It's possible. Danny: I never asked for it. Scottie: He knew you'd find out that he'd lied about much of his life. He must have worried that you'd end up hating him. He must have worried about that moment every day. Would you still love him if you knew? Could you still love him if you knew? Would you re-examine your love story - Alex's only love story... and decide, in the end, it was nothing but a lie? Danny: He was never sure. Scottie: How could he be? Danny: I wish I could've told him. That none of it mattered. The lies, the mistakes. That I loved him, just the same. That I, I love him. Still. Now. Knowing it all. I wish he could've heard me say it. Scottie: Yes. Danny: He'll never know. Scottie: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: This is going to sound a, a bit... But...it occurred to me I'd never said it out loud before. I love you. Very much. [SCENE_BREAK] Detective Taylor: You're not going to be charged. Danny: Is that it? Detective Taylor: You're free to go. Danny: You brought me here like this to tell me that? Will anyone be charged? Detective Taylor: Danny... for you... this is over. Danny: This isn't over. This isn't over. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Applause ) ( Phone rings ) Danny: Scottie? Scottie: Danny. Danny... Danny: Scottie? Scottie: There will be a note. ( Applause ) ( He begins to cry )
doc_246	Lucifer is drinking and watching over his mother. Amenadiel comes. Amenadiel: Lucifer, we need to talk about something. Lucifer: What... Can it wait? I'm busy keeping an eye on our mercurial mother. Amenadiel: No, it's important. I think you might be in danger. Lucifer: Is it the Yakuza? The Nephilim? One Million Mums? Amenadiel: It's Maze. She's angry with you, brother. Lucifer: Well, is it Tuesday already? Anger is Maze's default setting, sort of baked into her demon DNA. Amenadiel: No, this is different, Luci. I think you really need to talk to her. Lucifer: She'll get over it; she always does. Right now, we have bigger issues to deal with, like whether or not Mum is wasting our time. Amenadiel: If she believes her client has found another piece of the Flaming Sword, so do I. Lucifer: Oh, such a loyal son. But Mum hasn't adapted to this world as well as you might think. This chap could be conning her... I think I'm gonna go make sure... Amenadiel: She seems to be doing just fine. Charlotte puts a briefcase on the table. Lucifer: That's not the money, is it? Amenadiel: Of course not. She wouldn't bring it to the meeting. Lucifer: Oh, no. Of course not. I mean, that would be absurd, wouldn't it? Amenadiel: She's just showing it to him. I mean, it's not like she's gonna hand it to him before she... Gets the piece. That's great. The guy takes the money and leaves. Lucifer: And now she's letting him leave. Marvellous. Lucifer and Amenadiel join Charlotte. Charlotte: Well, that went well. Lucifer: Oh, you think so, do you? Charlotte: I do. He has what we need in his safe in the back room. Lucifer: Oh. Charlotte: He's going to get it right now. Lucifer: Mum, you just handed him a briefcase full of cash with no proof whatsoever he has what we need. Charlotte: And? Lucifer: You've been conned. Charlotte: He's a client of mine, darling. I don't think he'd be that foolhardy. Lucifer: Oh. Charlotte: Well, I'm sure he'll be right back... Maybe we should go check just to be sure. Lucifer: I think that's a good idea, don't you? Charlotte: Oh. Lucifer, Charlotte and Amenadiel enter in the office manager of the restaurant. The man is dead. Charlotte: Huh. See? He didn't con me. Lucifer: Look, instead he's dead, and someone robbed him of what's ours... Much better. Well, the good news is, after this spectacular bungling, I happen to work with a homicide detective. Charlotte: If you find the killer, then you'll find our piece of the Flaming Sword. Amenadiel: Hey, but, Mom... Lucifer: The challenge is... Making sure we catch the case before some other detective. Amenadiel: But what about... Charlotte: I may be able to help. Lucifer: Really? I'm all ears. Lucifer and Charlotte leave. Maze enters in Linda's practice. Maze: Is everything all right here? Linda: Yeah, everything's fine, Maze. You can, uh, you-you can put away the knives. Nigel: We'll be in touch, Dr. Martin... Excuse me. Linda: Uh, Maze. Maze. Oh, my Lord. Maze: Who the hell was that? Linda: That was the chairman of the ethics review board. Maze: Are you okay? Linda: No. No, I am not. No, Maze. No, no, no, don't, don't. That won't do any good. Maze: What happened? Linda: A couple of weeks ago, I maybe, sort of... Helped Lucifer break out of a mental institution... Using my own name. It's my fault, really. Maze: No, it is not your fault. It is Lucifer's fault. It's always Lucifer's fault. First, I find out he's ditching me to go to Heaven, and now he's hurting you... Look, I'm gonna fix this, Linda. And then him and I are gonna have a little talk. At the station, Lucifer is waiting. Chloe is working. Lucifer: Hey, I should get my own desk. Chloe: Not happening. Lucifer: Right next to yours would probably be best. Chloe: Definitely not happening. Why are you hovering over me? Lucifer: I'm not hovering. I'm just spending time with my partner. Chloe: Oh, well, since you're here, why don't you help me with this paperwork. I could really get used to this, partner. Lucifer: Right. Yes, on second thought, maybe a desk in the far corner might... Chloe: Mm-mm. Lucifer: Oh! Ms. Richards. Charlotte: Detective Decker. Just the woman I was hoping to see. Chloe: Well, I feel the opposite. If you'll excuse me. Charlotte: Hear me out. A client of mine called. He sounded very worried. I think he might be in terrible danger. Lucifer: Oh, that's awful. Detective, we should do something. Charlotte: He's at a bar downtown. Would you come with me and make sure that he's okay? Chloe: Nope. Charlotte: Nope? Chloe: I'm a homicide cop. I do not go around checking on worried criminals like a nanny, Charlotte. So if we're done here... Charlotte: I heard... Things... On a... On-on the phone call. Chloe: Like? Charlotte: Fingers... Pointing. Chloe: You heard... Fingers pointing? Charlotte: Very angrily. Yes... Also, a gunshot. Sounded like he was... Dying, or, um... Melting? It's hard to tell. Chloe: Charlotte... Lucifer: It sounds worth our time, actually. Chloe: Agreed. Why didn't you just lead with that? Chloe, Lucifer and Charlotte enter in the crime scene. Chloe: The lock's damaged. Lucifer: Is it? Chloe: Looks like you're right. He's been dead about an hour. Lucifer: Oh? Impressive guess, Detective. Uh, I'm assuming from the... Discoloration... Well, that wasn't a complete Dumpster fire, but now that we're finished, you can see yourself out. Charlotte: I'll do nothing of the sort. Lucifer: Fine. I'll show you out, if you insist. Charlotte: I'm not going anywhere. Lucifer: But the detective and I have got everything handled now. Charlotte: This is far too important to leave to just the two of you. I will stick around. Lucifer: Mum. Charlotte: Besides, we'll get to work together. Won't that be fun? Ella is here to exam the body. Ella: We're running tests for gunshot residue and cocaine. Should have those in, like, five minutes. Chloe: Okay. Good... Oh, Charlotte. You're still here, huh? Charlotte: Well, he was my client. I thought I might be of help to the case. Lucifer: But if not, we could always get her to shoo along and we can carry on with our business. Chloe: No. I'm sure she could be very helpful. So tell me, why does Zeke Moore, a manager at an import/export company, have you representing him? Charlotte: Because I'm the best. Chloe: At getting criminals off. Charlotte: Well, that's not true. I haven't slept with any of my clients. Chloe: What? You represent the worst of the worst. So why was Zeke a client? Charlotte: Because he works for Bianca Ruiz. Lucifer: What? The tequila magnate? Chloe: Bianca's tequila empire is a front. She uses the distribution routes to sell guns, drugs, and, oh, yeah, people. So we've been after her for a long time. Charlotte: Who do you think did this? A rival of some sort? Chloe: Well, that's actually a good question. Ella, what do we have? Ella: Well, no smoking gun, but poor Zeke here got shot twice. First in the thigh... Bullet winged him... And then another went through his hand hitting him in the chest. Probably trying to defend himself. Too bad you can't catch bullets. Lucifer: Well, he can't maybe. Chloe: I don't think this was a professional hit. Maybe a robbery gone wrong. Charlotte: And idea of what was taken? Ella: Well, trace elements point to cash, cocaine, gunpowder residue, indicating weapons... All your basic bad guy stuff. No sign of forced entry, though. Chloe: Which means the killer either knew the combination, or he just waited for the vic to open it to strike. Ella: Mm-hmm. Hey, I got something here. Cell phone. No dust on it, so it hasn't been there long. Chloe: Well, Zeke had his phone on him, so this one could be the killer's. Maybe he dropped it during the fight or just didn't have time to retrieve it. Ella: Passcode protected, of course. But the home screen is... Two eyes? Charlotte: Human female breasts. Lucifer: No. That is a woman's perfectly freckled rump. Chloe: So our lead on the killer is a pair of butt-boob-eyes. It's a great start. At the station, Daniel studies Bianca Ruiz's file. Charlotte comes. Charlotte: Hello, Daniel. Daniel: What are you doing here? Charlotte: Ms. Ruiz there... Is my client. Daniel: Well, she's a real piece of work. Charlotte: Trying to make me jealous? Daniel: What do you want from me? You seduce me, you betray me, now you're back. You have to want something, I just can't figure out what. Charlotte: I do want something, you're right. And I'll tell you. Just somewhere private. Daniel: I'm not having sx with you here. Charlotte: But I need something to pass the time until we get a lead. Daniel: I don't understand you. All right, whatever this is between us. Charlotte: Well, it's simple, Daniel Espinoza... I like you. Music comes from the lab. Ella: You guys, it's a record label. The symbol on the phone we found is the label's logo. Lucifer: And they choose to publish this music of their own free will? Ella: It's a vanity label. It exists only to make this one guy's music. Chloe: Okay, well, who owns it? And can you please turn it off? Ella: Chet Ruiz. Charlotte: Bianca's youngest son. Half our billing goes to keeping him out of jail. Chloe: So Bianca's own son robbed and killed one of her most loyal soldiers? Daniel: The files barely mention Chet. I didn't know he was actually part of the family business. Charlotte: He's not. Bianca tries to keep him as far away from it all as possible. Chloe: Maybe he started to resent that, decided to make a play? Lucifer: And then dropped his phone, proving just how right his mother was about him. Chloe: Well, if Chet is the killer, this could be our chance to take down Bianca, as well. Cut off the head of her entire operation. This could be huge. Ella: Yeah. Bummer is the phone proves that Chet was in the room but doesn't definitively tie him to the murder. Chloe: Dan, why don't you work on hacking the passcode. I'll have a chat with Chet. And, Charlotte, thank you so much for your help. But now that one of your clients is our main suspect, it's best you go. Charlotte: I don't think I have to go quite yet. Chloe: Maybe not, but I think you should. Charlotte: Bianca's having a party today. It's the launch of her new tequila. I'm sure Chet will be there, and... I'm invited. Chloe: Why do you want to help us now? Charlotte: Because we all want the same thing: to find out who robbed and killed Zeke. Daniel: You know, Chloe, it would be a good chance for us to go undercover. Gather some intel before they even know we're onto them. Chloe: All right. Lucifer: Fine. Good. It's settled. The Detective and I will go, so thank you so much for your help. Charlotte: I don't think so. The invitation is under my name. I will go. Perhaps Detective Espinoza should join me. Lucifer: No. Yes, that's not happening. Uh, very well. I'll go with you... Chloe: No, I'll go with Charlotte. Lucifer: But, Detective... Chloe: No more argument. Charlotte: Very well. But I suggest you go shopping. This isn't the kind of place you can attend in pajamas. Lucifer: This is ridiculous. Chloe: Pajamas? Ella: What if Ella goes to the party? That sounds like a great idea. Oh, my God. Thank you so much for thinking of me. But you know what? I'm so busy. Lucifer enters in Linda's practice. Maze is waiting for him. Lucifer: I have been sidelined by my own mother and the Detective. It's absurd. I won't stand for it. I am gonna find a way into that party. Maze: Do you always whine like this? I don't know how she puts up with it. Lucifer: Where's Dr. Linda? Maze: Suspended. Because of you. Because you have been a terrible, selfish friend... To her. Now you're gonna fix it. Lucifer: Well, gladly, once I figure a way back onto the case. Maze: No, Lucifer. Now! Lucifer: But I suppose they can handle things without me for the time being. What's the plan? Daniel is on the phone at the station. Daniel: It'll take two hours to scan the phone... I'll come to you. I'll kill some time till it's done. See you soon. Daniel sees Amenadiel. Daniel: Hey, man. You looking for your brother? Amenadiel: Or my m... Um... Charlotte? Listen, um... Are they here? Because I haven't been able to reach them. Daniel: No, they took off. Couple hours ago. Amenadiel: Of course they did. And why would they bother to let me know? Daniel: I could try to call them for you. Amenadiel: Don't worry about it, Dan. I mean, with a brother like Lucifer, I really should be used to this, right? Daniel: Hey. What are you doing right now? Charlotte arrives at the party. Charlotte: Charlotte Richards. Have you seen my plus one? She's a tired-looking blonde. Probably dressed in something freshly-plucked from the floor. Mm-mm. Hmm? Chloe enters. Chloe: Let's get this pajama party started. Chloe and Charlotte are talking. Chloe: I still don't understand why you're helping us. Bianca's your client. Charlotte: I'm not the same woman I was when she hired me. Chloe: Hmm. Did you have a change of heart? Charlotte: No, the same heart. Completely different soul, though. Chloe: Hmm. There's Chet. I'll go talk to him. Charlotte: You know, that's wise. You seem more his type than me, and you're not particularly intimidating, so that should help. Chloe: Help what? Charlotte: Well, in seducing him, of course. Chloe: I'm not gonna seduce him, Charlotte. Charlotte: Not with that posture you're not. Fine. I'll do it. Chloe: No. No. There's gonna be no seducing. We just need to get Chet to talk, have him incriminate himself, then we can arrest him and flip him on Bianca. Charlotte: You expect him to betray his own mother? One that's given him everything he's ever wanted? Chloe: Not all kids appreciate what their parents have given them. Charlotte: Well, that I agree with. Chloe: I just think with a little pressure, he'll crack. Oh, bodyguard. Maybe he's not as easy to get to as I thought. Charlotte: Why would an overprotective mother bring her murderous son to a tequila-fuelled party? Chloe: Well, if her son killed Zeke, she has no idea... Okay. I've got an idea. Maze and Lucifer are talking to the chairman of the ethics review board. Maze: Dr. Linda Martin is an amazing therapist and an incredible woman. You can't do this to her. Nigel: Well, I'm afraid that she brought this on herself. So, unless there's something... Specific that you can tell me, there's very little that I can do. Maze: Hmm. Well, how about proof of all the good she's done? Like this guy. Lucifer Morningstar. Lucifer: Oh, that's quite flattering. Maze: The worst patient anyone could ask for. He is a back-stabbing, selfish, narcissistic little devil. He's greedy... Nigel: Is there a-a point to this? Lucifer: Yes, I'm wondering the same thing. Maze: The point is, despite all of that, she went out of her way to help him. Lucifer: Yeah, she's right. The doctor has seen a side to me that I hide because it's, well, terrifying. But she accepted me nonetheless, and she's helped me through issues that I thought insurmountable. Nigel: I appreciate the testimonial, and I will include it into the notes. Maze: That's it? Nigel: Unless you have more evidence to submit. Lucifer: Well, she's generous. As a, as a therapist, as a lover, a friend... Nigel: Wait. You slept with your therapist. Lucifer: What? O-only in the beginning. Then she decided that I shouldn't pay for therapy with sx. So, such strong morals, don't you think? Maze: Let's go! Lucifer: What the...? Oh, no, no, she saved my life. I mean, granted, she killed me first, but I did ask her. Maze: Oh, my God. Lucifer. At the party, Charlotte goes to speak with Bianca. Bianca Ruiz: We actually have been trying to get the formula for... Charlotte. Excuse me. Oh. So glad you can make it. How are the children? Charlotte: They're angels. But speaking of children... What did Chet do now? Bianca Ruiz: Run out on another tab? Charlotte: The police suspect him of killing Zeke Moore. Bianca Ruiz: That's impossible. Charlotte: I have it from a very good source. Bianca Ruiz: I'll get to the bottom of it. Thank you, Charlotte. Charlotte: As always. Of course. Bianca Ruiz: Enjoy. Bianca is going to speak with her son. Bianca Ruiz: What did you do? Chet Ruiz: What could I do? You won't let me drink, my bank account's pretty low lately... Bianca Ruiz: Zeke Moore. What did you do? Chet Ruiz: I took care of a problem. You're welcome. Bianca Ruiz: You don't work for me. Chet Ruiz: But I should. Look what I can do. Bianca Ruiz: Yeah, remove one of my best earners? Chet Ruiz: You see, this is why you need me, Ma. I found out that Zeke was building up his own business. Smuggling up rare artifacts on the side. Bianca Ruiz: And I was making 30%. Chet Ruiz: Oh. Well, I would have known that if you had just given me... Bianca Ruiz: How do the police know it was you? Chet Ruiz: I may have... Dropped my phone. Bianca Ruiz: Chet, what was on your phone? Let's go somewhere quieter. Chet Ruiz: No, Mom. Mom, Mom. They go apart. Bianca Ruiz: The whole business? Chet Ruiz: I was just trying to learn how the financial part worked, Ma. You know, prove to you I could be a part of this. Bianca Ruiz: So you saved it on your phone, which the police now have. Chet Ruiz: Don't worry. I'm already taking care of it. Won't be a problem... What? Bianca Ruiz stops Chloe who was trying to leave. Bianca Ruiz: Hello. Daniel and Amenadiel are having a drink in a bar. Amenadiel: Improv? Really? Daniel: Come on, man, you promised me you wouldn't laugh. I went through a lot this last year. And improv sort of helped me reorient myself. Amenadiel: How? Daniel: Well, it took stepping outside of myself to figure out who I really was. You know, stop defining myself by other people... Chloe. Lucifer. Amenadiel: I see. So you think I'm defining myself by my brother, yeah? Daniel: Well, I know from experience, the dude casts a pretty big-ass shadow. Amenadiel: Well, if there is one constant in the universe, it's that Lucifer's the favourite. No matter what I do. No matter how hard I work or how much he screws up...It's never gonna change. Daniel: You guys must have competed over everything, huh? Amenadiel: I mean, he would never admit it, right? But yeah. Yeah, everything. Daniel: Even women? Eh, I just noticed that you and Lucifer have a weird relationship with Charlotte Richards. I just thought maybe you guys... Amenadiel: No, Dan, we are not competing over Charlotte. Trust me. At least, not in the way you think. And if we are, well, obviously I lost. Because I'm here, with you. No offense. Daniel: Yeah, none taken. Oh, man. They couldn't crack the passcode. But, uh, for what it's worth, I like you a hell of a lot more than I like your brother. At the party, Bianca asks some questions to Chloe. Bianca Ruiz: I know everyone here except you. What are you doing here? Chloe: I, uh... I'm... Uh, was... I came because, well... I love your son's music. Hi, Chet. Chet, you're so good. You're amazing. Bianca Ruiz: Oh, please. I've seen the sales. Nobody actually listens to that... Stuff. Chloe: Oh, I listen to it, big-time. Chloe starts to sing. Bianca Ruiz: I've heard enough. Chloe: Yeah. Guard: That's enough, ma'am. Chloe: Chet, you're so good. You're dope! Guard: Let's go. Chloe: I love you. I... Chet Ruiz: I love you more. Chloe phones Daniel. Chloe: Dan. Hey. Look, that phone... I think it is way more important than we thought. It might be the key to taking down Bianca. Maze and Lucifer are walking in the street. Lucifer: Great. Now that we've solved that, I can get back to the case and... Maze hits Lucifer in the belly. Lucifer: Ooh! God! What?! Maze: What? You just made everything worse. Why am I surprised? Just leave. Since that's been your plan all along anyway. Lucifer: Is that what all this has been about? Amenadiel told you about our trip back to Heaven, didn't he? Maze: Don't you blame him. You... She hits him again. Lucifer: Aah! Maze: Should have told me. Lucifer: Well, if you understood the full picture... She punches him in the face. Lucifer: Oh! Stop hitting me. Maze: Then explain. Lucifer: Well, I'd like to, but you have a tendency to get emotional about things. She punches him in the face again. Lucifer: Aah! Case in point. Maze: So I needed to be controlled, is that it? What the hell am I, Lucifer... A pawn in some plan of yours? Lucifer: No, I wouldn't put it like that. Maze: Of course you wouldn't, because that would actually require you understanding how you affect people. How you hurt them. She hits him in the nuts. Lucifer: Oh! Aah! You seem to be the one doing the hurting at the moment. Maze: You don't care about anyone other than yourself. Unless they can be of use to you. Sound familiar? Lucifer: Tread very carefully, Maze. Maze: You're just like your parents. They fight. Lucifer: Aah! Maze: Aah! Lucifer: Oh! Maybe... Maybe we should just take a time-out so that... You can catch your breath. Maze: Yeah, so you can catch your breath. And then, I'll get back to kicking your ass. Lucifer: See, now... I had no idea that you were this mad at me. Maze: You were gonna leave me. Lucifer: I would never do that. Maze: But you told Amenadiel and your mom that y... You were going with them to Heaven. Lucifer: Well, I didn't say how long for. Huh? Or what I was gonna do when I got there. Maze: You're playing your own angle... And you didn't tell me... Because you needed me to be angry with you so you could sell your story. Lucifer: Exactly! So, all this... Was for nothing. Maze: Lucifer, that's even worse. At the station, Ella, Chloe and Daniel are talking about the phone. Ella: This phone could be the key to taking down the entire Ruiz empire. Daniel: Yeah, but how do we crack it if cyber couldn't even do it? Ella: Time. That idiot didn't install a program that can remotely wipe the phone. And it's an older phone with just a four-digit code. Daniel: So, what, we just keep trying till we get in? How long will that take? Ella: There are only 10,000 options. Well, actually, 9,996 now... I took a couple stabs. So, hey, making progress. I would say maybe a month. Daniel: Well, we can't arrest 'em till we know what's on that phone. And if they decide to make a run for it... Chloe: All right. Let's just try to speed it up. Let's look into Chet's background, let's try and come up with number combinations that might be meaningful to him, all right? Let's go. Maze and Lucifer are at Linda's practice. Linda: Did you guys... Kill the chairman of the review board? Please tell me you didn't kill him. Not that he didn't deserve it, the smug, insufferable... Lucifer: No, no. No one's dead. We did this to each other. Though... When it comes to your case, I fear I may have, um... Complicated things. Maze: Lucifer told him you used to screw. Among other things. Linda: Oh? Oh. Well, I guess that's that. Lucifer: No, that isn't that. I want to know why she's still upset with me. Linda: Since I'm not currently a practicing doctor of psychiatry, I don't have to lead you on this path of realization; I can just tell you. Maze is pissed at you because you used her. Lucifer: Sure. But for the greater good of our debauchery here in L.A. Linda: Did you even once think of how this affected her? Lucifer: Of course I did. Thought about how she might ruin everything by disembowelling my mum or castrating my brother. Linda: I meant her feelings. Lucifer: What? Linda: She thought... You abandoned her. That you didn't care how that affected her. Lucifer: But those sort of things never bothered her be... Maze is crying. Lucifer: Before. Oh... Mazikeen. I didn't realize... I should have realized. Linda: Well, my work here is done... Literally. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find a very stiff martini. Maze: Linda... I'll take care of this. I promise. [SCENE_BREAK] Bianca enters in Charlotte's office. Charlotte: Bianca. Has something happened? Bianca Ruiz: Yes. My son robbed and killed Zeke, as you know. But then he showed me what Zeke was smuggling. And for whom. Now I have it. And I think it's very important to you, isn't it? Charlotte: It is. Bianca Ruiz: Then let's make a deal. I'll give it to you if you get my son's phone from the police. Charlotte: That's not possible. Bianca Ruiz: You'll find a way. Otherwise, I'll make sure that what you want... Disappears forever. Ella is trying to find the passcode of Chet's phone. Charlotte enters. Ella: Birthday reverse. Nope. Double 69. Oddly relieved that's not it. Charlotte: Ms. Lopez. We haven't really had the chance to meet. Ella: I know. I've been looking forward to a formal "hey-ya." Charlotte: S... Uh... Uh, no, I see you're still working on the phone. I knew Chet well. Perhaps I could borrow it, maybe try some combinations? Ella: I see through you... I know you are waiting around for my boy Dan. Charlotte: Oh. Caught me red-handed. Ella: And even though most everybody is all like, "She a shark, those dead eyes, don't trust her," when I look at you... I see a light. Charlotte: Did my bandage come undone? Ella: So, for now, benefit of the doubt. But if you ever hurt Dan again, I'll have someone break your legs. Ella's phone rings. Ella: Oh, that's my brother. I've been trying to get ahold of him forever. Can you watch the phone? Charlotte: Sure. Ella: Thanks. See? Light. Charlotte takes the phone and she's about to leave the lab, but Chloe is here. Chloe: Start talking. Lucifer is playing the piano, Chloe enters. Lucifer: Ah! Chloe: What happened to you? Lucifer: Oh, this. It's just a little fisticuffs between friends. Chloe: I just had a very enlightening conversation with Charlotte Richards. Lucifer: Ah. Well, I've had my fill of enlightening conversations for today, thank you. Chloe: Lucifer, she told me who she really is, and how you two are related. Lucifer: I somehow doubt that. Chloe: No, it all makes sense. Why you were so disgusted when I suggested you two had slept together. Why you act so weird around her in general. Lucifer: She... Really told you. What did she tell you? Chloe: That she's your father's ex. Lucifer: Right, yes, no. That's-that's true. Chloe: Right, yeah. I mean, the way she talked about your dad and-and what he put her through. Lucifer: Mm-hmm. Betrayal, torture, Hell, et cetera. All true. Chloe: Mm-hmm. I just cannot imagine raising kids with someone like that. Lucifer: Sympathy for the Goddess, Detective? Chloe: Why didn't you just tell me she was your step-mom? Lucifer: Well, it didn't seem that simple to explain. I mean, how did this all come about, anyway? Chloe: Well... I... I caught Charlotte trying to steal evidence for Bianca Ruiz. Lucifer: What? Why would she do that? Chloe: Well, apparently Bianca figured out that Charlotte and I were working together at the sting. Bianca threatened Charlotte's family. I mean, she threatened you if she didn't help. Lucifer: Well, that sounds plausible, yes. Chloe: I don't know. Something about it doesn't feel right. I don't know if I can trust her. Lucifer: Well, I mean, I know I'm biased, but one thing's for certain, Detective: Charlotte Richards will stop at nothing to protect her children... You can trust that. Chloe: Hmm. Charlotte is in Bianca's office. Bianca Ruiz: Did you bring me what I asked for? Charlotte: Mm. As promised. Bianca Ruiz: Make sure it's real. That it wasn't cloned. A guy takes the phone. Bianca Ruiz: To the things a mother will do for her children. Charlotte: I'll drink to that. Chloe and Lucifer are listening to the conversation. Bianca Ruiz: I can't even count the times that Chet has come close to destroying everything I've built. Charlotte: Children always find new ways to test us. Lucifer: She's talking about Amenadiel. Charlotte: Put us through... Hell. Lucifer: That one's me. Bianca Ruiz: And yet we still protect them. Charlotte: Always. Bianca Ruiz: Now for your side of the bargain. Charlotte pours her drink on the bug. Chloe: We lost the feed. She's up to something. Lucifer: Well, no, no, no. She may have just shorted the bug. Chloe: No. Charlotte Richards is either screwing us over or she's in trouble. Guys, get ready to go in. And she better be in trouble. In the office, Bianca gives Charlotte a key. Bianca Ruiz: This opens a safety deposit box. Inside you'll find what Zeke was smuggling for you. Charlotte: This isn't what we agreed to. How do I know you'll hold up your end of the deal? Bianca Ruiz: Because I always do. And quite honestly, I don't see why you put so much value in... The cops enter in the office. Cops: Freeze! See your hands! Chloe: LAPD. Bianca Ruiz, you're under arrest. Bianca Ruiz: This is absurd. Charlotte. Charlotte. Charlotte: Will no longer be representing you. Bianca Ruiz: You're making a terrible mistake... Don't touch me. Lucifer: Charlotte, are you okay? Charlotte: Yes. Chloe: Lucifer, don't. Step away. I need to search her. Lucifer: Well, I don't think that's necessary, Detective. Chloe: Well, I do. Charlotte: It's okay, son. Lucifer: Fine. Chloe: Arms out. Charlotte: Hmm. Oh, you're being incredibly thorough... I like it. Chloe: She's clean. Lucifer: Well, I told you, Detective, she's got nothing to hide. Officer: The phone was still unlocked. We have everything. Chloe: Seems like we do. Let's, uh... Lucifer had the key. Charlotte, Amenadiel and Lucifer are at the penthouse. Charlotte: A book? That's what Zeke smuggled for me? Is this a joke? Lucifer: Well, if it were, I would have chosen something funnier, like Douglas Adams or Freud. Charlotte: Are you certain... That this is all that was in the safety deposit box? Well, how is a book supposed to ignite the sword? Amenadiel: Maybe it's an instruction manual. Charlotte: In an ancient language I can't read. Wonderful. Here. Lucifer: Wh... I can't read it. Charlotte: But you speak every language. Lucifer: Speak, not read. I've always found tongues much more useful than books. So whatever language this is... Amenadiel: It's Sumerian. Unlike some of us who had everything handed to him, I actually spent my youth studying. Charlotte: Excellent. My smart boy. How-how quickly can you translate it? Amenadiel: Um, should only take me a few days. Charlotte: Days? I don't have that kind of time. Lucifer: Mum, why have you got your knickers in such a twist? Amenadiel: Is there a reason why you're in such a rush lately? Charlotte: I-I'm just anxious to see the rest of the family. Please start translating. Charlotte leaves. Amenadiel: There's something going on with her. Lucifer: Yeah. Or it's just that time of the millennium... What? Maze arrives to the chairman of the ethics review board's office. Nigel: Excuse me. Maze: Not this time. She pushes him in the office. Daniel goes to speak with Chloe. Daniel: Hey. Chloe: Hey. Daniel: Congrats on nabbing Queen Tequila. Chloe: Well, Chet's still out there, so this isn't over until I find him. Daniel: You and Charlotte Richards... That is the most awkward team-up of the century. Chloe: Actually, it wasn't as bad as I expected. I learned a lot of eye-opening things about her. That's for sure. Like her being Lucifer's step-mom. Had no idea... Daniel: Wait a minute. She... Step-mom? Chloe: Yeah. Yes. Daniel: That makes a weird amount of sense, actually. Chloe: Dan, I want you to be careful with her. There's something about her I don't trust. Daniel: I'm gonna be fine, Chloe. Chloe: Wait. One more thing. Daniel: Yeah. Chloe: If you married her, you'd kind of be like Lucifer's dad. Daniel: Oh, my God. Chloe: Right? It's so, so messed up. Charlotte is waiting for Chet Ruiz in her office. Chet Ruiz: I'm glad you agreed to meet me. Charlotte: Well, of course I did. I knew that book couldn't be it... Well, come on. Hand it over. I need what Zeke really smuggled... Now. Chet draws a knife. Charlotte: Mm. A knife. We already have... He stabs Charlotte. Chet Ruiz: My life is ruined! I don't want to go to prison. This is all your fault! Charlotte takes off the knife and her light burns Chet. He's dead. At the penthouse, Amenadiel translates the book. Lucifer: Who knew translating could be so exhausting. Amenadiel: Listen, I think I found something. Lucifer: Huh? Amenadiel: God shattered the Flaming Sword into three distinct pieces. "The Blade of Death." Lucifer: Azrael's. Amenadiel: "The Medallion of Life." Lucifer: Johnson's belt buckle. Amenadiel: And the key that binds them all together. Lucifer: Well, keys don't bind, they unlock. I think someone needs to go back to translation school. Amenadiel: And guess who has the key. Lucifer: Well, don't leave me in suspense. Who is it, brother? Amenadiel: It says that God entrusted the key to his favourite son... Of course he gave it to you... It's always you, isn't it? Lucifer: Well, what are you talking about? The only keys I've got are these. Amenadiel: What else did you bring with you to Earth, Luci? Your ring. I've never seen you without it; maybe that's the key. Lucifer: Well, the key to completing my ensemble maybe. Amenadiel: Here. Try and attach your ring to this. Lucifer: Brother. Amenadiel: Just do it. And we'll confirm what we already know. Lucifer: Brother... Amenadiel: That Father's favourite, despite everything that you have done, is and always has been you. Lucifer: Look down. Is that the key around your neck or are you just happy to see me? He entrusted it... To you, brother.
doc_247	Scene: The apartment. Amy: This is nice, that we all get to eat together. Leonard: Absolutely. Amy: Hmm. Can we maybe put the phones down and have an actualhuman conversation? Sheldon: We can, but thanks to Steve Jobs, we don't have to. Penny: Guys, guys, you're never gonna believe this. Leonard: What happened? Penny: I just got a part on a TV show. Amy: Congratulations. Leonard: What? That's great. Guys. Howard: Oh, yeah Sheldon: Yay, Penny. Amy: What's the show? Penny: Um, NC... II... or, you know, NCSTD... I don't know, it's, it's, you know, it's the one with the letters and I'm gonna be on it! Leonard: That's amazing. Penny: Yeah. Howard: What's your part? Penny: Um, I play a customer in a diner and I flirt with Mark Harmon. Raj: Ooh, Mark Harmon, he's a dreamboat. Leonard: So it, it's just flirting? Penny: Well, yeah. Why? Leonard: Uh, no reason. I just think it's sexier when things are left to the imagination. Amy: He's wrong. Credits sequence. Scene: The Cheesecake Factory. Raj: So I read a study that says a man with a dog is three times more likely to get a woman's phone number. Leonard: Is it true even when the man lets his dog lick peanut butter off his tongue? Raj: I don't see why not. Howard: If you're really desperate to meet women and like having food eaten out of your mouth, I could set you up with my mom. Sheldon: Why is that funny? That's just unhygienic. Leonard: It's a joke. Sheldon: I don't think so. I believe that a joke is a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist. For example, uh, Wolowitz's mother is so fat that she decided to go on a diet, or exercise, or both. See? The twist is that people don't usually change. Well, they don't. Penny: Hey, guys, don't forget, my episode's on TV tomorrow night. Howard: We'll be there. Raj: Can we bring anything? Penny: Oh, that's so sweet of you, but I was gonna steal food from here. You know, my treat. Sheldon: Wait, if Howard's mother is coming, then you should also steal marbles. Because she's obese, and hippos are obese, and in the popular board game Hungry Hungry Hippos, they eat marbles. Maybe I need to dumb these down for you. Scene: The stairwell. Sheldon: Leonard, do you think I'm funny? Leonard: No. Do you? Sheldon: I think I'm hysterical. Leonard: I take it back. That was funny. Sheldon: The philosopher Henri Bergson says it's funny when a human being behaves like an object. Leonard: I bet that bit killed at The Chuckle Hut. Sheldon: Oh, he didn't perform stand-up comedy, he was a philosopher. Leonard: You know, I think we're zeroing in on your problem. Sheldon: Perhaps I'll spend some time developing a unified theory of comedy, which will allow me to elicit laughter from anyone at any time. Unless they're German, 'cause that's a tough crowd. Leonard: Are you set on people laughing with you? 'Cause if you're cool with at you... Sheldon: I don't get it. Scene: Bernadette's car. Bernadette: Raj, when you said you were gonna bring a date to watch Penny's thing tonight, I didn't think you meant Stuart. Howard: Really? I never for a second thought it'd be anything else. Raj: I almost met someone last night, but I blew it. I was walking Cinnamon and this girl introduced herself, but she was so cute I panicked and said, wouldn't it be easier if instead of talking we could just sniff each other's butts? Bernadette: Well, Stuart's cute in his own way. Stuart: When I was a baby, my mother called me her little possum. Raj: Are possums cute? Stuart: Not at all. Howard: If you're so intimidated by talking to attractive girls, maybe you should practice by talking to regular people. Raj: You mean like fatties and uggos? Bernadette: Or maybe just stop talking. Howard: I'm serious. Go to the mall, talk to anybody, practice, that way when you eventually do talk to a cute girl, it won't be so scary. Bernadette: Or just keep dating the possum. Scene: The apartment. Voice on television: Parsa doesn't have those kind of resources. Second voice: No, and that's why he had Erin Pace rewire it... Leonard: I'm so proud of you. Penny: We haven't even gotten to my scene yet. Leonard: I know, but you're going to be a TV star and you haven't left me yet. That takes guts. Sheldon: I don't know about you, but I'm very uncomfortable with all this. Amy: Why? Sheldon: I've never seen this show before and now I'm starting with episode 246? It's unnatural. Amy: Just think of the first 245 as the prequel. Sheldon: All right. Penny: Okay, shh, guys, guys, this is it. Man on TV: I guess it's you and me, kid. Mark Harmon on TV: What are you doing? Woman on TV: I'm trying to make peace. Mark Harmon on TV: We're good. Woman on TV: Good. Mark Harmon on TV: Really? Because... Penny: Are you kidding me? Leonard: What's wrong? Penny: Well, the diner scene. Where's my diner scene? Sheldon: Well, don't ask me. Until I see the prequel, I'm lost. Penny: No, there was supposed to be a big scene with me and Mark Harmon, but it's gone. Bernadette: What happened? Penny: They must've cut it. Leonard: Oh, Penny, I'm, I'm sorry. Howard: That stinks. Raj: I'm sure you were great. Penny: This doesn't make any sense. I mean, I, I thought I did a, a really good job, I... Excuse me. Sheldon: I've been studying how to make people laugh. They say that comedy is tragedy plus time. Let's tickle some ribs. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny (on phone): No, Dad, I don't think they cut me out of the show because I was too pretty. No, I don't need you to come out and kick Mark Harmon's ass. Daddy, I gotta go. I love you. Bye. Leonard: How you doing? Penny: Ugh, this is such a disaster. My parents had all my relatives over. They got one of those six-foot sandwiches, and got my brother a day pass out of rehab and now he's missing and the sandwich is missing, and they're probably in Mexico by now. So humiliating. Leonard: You still got the part. That's a huge accomplishment. Penny: Yeah, but this was supposed to be my break, okay? People were gonna see me in this show and it was gonna lead to bigger things. More auditions, more parts. Now none of that's gonna happen. Leonard: Honey, you only had, like, three lines. That wasn't gonna happen anyway. Penny: Unbelievable. Leonard: Oh, come on, no, that's not what I meant. Penny: Then what did you mean? Leonard: I don't, look, you know, words don't always have to mean things. Penny: I think you meant that you don't believe in me. Leonard: Nope. Uh, uh, I might not know what I meant, but I know that I didn't mean that. Not this guy. Oh, no way. Penny: I want you, right now, to give me your 100% honest opinion. Leonard: Right. Penny: Do you think I have what it takes to really make it as an actress? Leonard: Yes. Penny: So you think I'll be on TV and in movies and win awards. Leonard: Honestly? Penny: Yes, honestly. Leonard: I don't. Penny: How could you say that? Leonard: I don't know, I got all confused when you said honestly. Penny: Oh. Leonard: Look, do I think that you are talented and that you are beautiful? Of course I do. But isn't Los Angeles full of actresses who are just as talented, just as beautiful? All right, look, we'll come back to that. Penny: No, please. Don't stop, go on. Tell me how I'm gonna be a waitress for the rest of my life. Leonard: That is not what I said. Look, I think you're really good. I truly do. But this is an incredibly hard thing that you're shooting for. I mean, the odds of anyone becoming a successful actor are like a million to one. Penny: Wow, thank you. Leonard: Should've let Sheldon come. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: This is interesting. Apparently, a key component in some forms of humour is the element of surprise. Amy: Well, that makes sense. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for planning and anticipation, and patients with brain lesions on their... Sheldon: BRAIN LESIONS! Amy: Sheldon, you scared me. That wasn't funny. Sheldon: Or maybe you have a stick up your prefrontal cortex. Amy: Okay, the notion that you can read a few books and come up with a definitive theory of comedy is absurd. I mean, humour is a complex neurological... (Sheldon drops his trousers) Okay, that's pretty good. Sheldon: Excellent. Scene: The mall. Stuart: How about her? Raj: No. No pretty girls. The point is to talk to regular people and work our way up to pretty girls. Stuart: Fine. How about that old lady with the walker? Raj: That depends. On any level, do you think she's hot? Stuart: We'll find somebody else. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Kumquat? Amy: I guess. Sheldon: Ointment? Amy: Sure. Sheldon: Now, would you say ointment is more, equal to, or less funny than kumquat? Amy: I don't think I want to go out with you anymore. Sheldon: Will you please stop joking around? I'm trying to figure this out. Amy: Sheldon, how many words are you gonna go through? Sheldon: All of them. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: You didn't get your part cut. Voice on TV: All right, baby, here's the deal. Penny: And you didn't get your part cut. Yep, bunch of old guys rocking out in a band, all with erectile dysfunction, you didn't get your part cut! Leonard: Hey. Can we talk? Penny: We can, but the part of Penny might get cut. Leonard: That was really crappy of me. What you're trying to do is hard, but people do make it, and I really do believe you could be one of them. Penny: Thank you. Leonard: And to show you how much I believe in you, I kind of got you an audition. Penny: Are you serious? For what? Leonard: The new Star Wars movie. Penny: What? How did you manage that? Leonard: There's this thing online, you put yourself on tape and just send it in, anyone can do it. Penny: Come on Leonard, this is just a PR stunt. Leonard: So? Even if it is, you have a huge advantage because you're an actual actress. Most of the people doing this are just weirdoes and nerds. Wolowitz sent his in two days ago. Penny: Really, let it go. Leonard: Look, maybe it is a long shot, but sometimes long shots happen. Luke Skywalker was only given one chance to destroy the Death Star. He had to get a torpedo into an exhaust port that was only two meters wide, but with the help of The Force, he... wow, I can feel you hating me right now. Scene: The mall. Stuart: How about that lady in the sweat suit, speed-walking? Raj: Yeah, she seems friendly and easy to... never mind, she's gone. You know, maybe talking to people is too hard. Stuart: We could go over to that department store, practice on the mannequins. Raj: I don't know. They're dressed very stylishly. They're probably stuck-up. This is ridiculous. The next person that walks by, no matter who it is, they're the one. We're gonna die here. Scene: The Cheesecake Factory. Amy: Hello. Bernadette: Hey. Howard: Where's Sheldon? Amy: He's home trying to use science to determine the basis of humour. Bernadette: That's interesting. Amy: It's exhausting. Do you have any idea how hard it is to laugh at a knock-knock joke that starts with knock-knock-knock, Amy, knock-knock-knock, Amy, knock-knock-knock, Amy? Bernadette: If you want him to stop, sometimes the easiest thing to do is just fake a laugh. Howard: Fake a laugh? Do you ever do that with me? Bernadette: No, of course not. Howard: Well, I'd be able to tell anyway. Bernadette: I don't think you would. Howard: Please, I've made plenty of girls laugh, sometimes just by asking them out. (Bernadette laughs uncontrollably) Yeah? Well, I fake my orgasms. Scene: The apartment. Leonard (on phone): Yes, how much for a hundred long-stemmed red roses? Really? How much for three? Penny: Hey. Leonard: Yeah, I'll call you back. Penny: Look, I know you were just trying to help with your Star Wars thing. I didn't mean to call it idiotic. Leonard: Well, I don't think you called it idiotic. Penny: Oh. Sorry, I meant to. Anyway, um, I was just upset with myself. I wasn't mad at you. I just feel like everything is falling apart. Leonard: Come on. It's okay. Penny: No, it's not okay. Look at me, okay? I took a temp job as a waitress forever ago, and I'm still doing it. I can't quit, because guess what? I can't do anything else. And I finally get my big break, and it goes away. I'm such a mess. Leonard: No, you're not. Penny: Really? 'Cause this morning at Starbucks, a pair of old underwear fell out of my pant leg. And it wasn't the only one in there. Leonard: Okay, listen to me, this is just a minor setback. Penny: No, it's not, okay? I've been out here for, like, ten years. I've nothing to show for it. Leonard: Well, you have me. Penny: You're right. I do have you. Mm. Let's get married. Leonard: What? Penny: Ooh. Leonard Hofstadter, will you marry me? Leonard: Um... Penny: Did you seriously just say um? Leonard: Look, you know I love you but, but you're, you're drunk and sad and feeling lost. Penny: Okay, so, so you don't want to marry me? Leonard: That is not what I said. Penny: No, forget it. I take it back. Offer's off the table. Sheldon: Who's in the mood to laugh? Leonard: Really not a good time. Sheldon: But I used science to construct the perfect joke. Penny: I'm gonna go. Leonard: Penny, don't. Penny: No, no, I just need to be alone. Sheldon: So, a sandwich, a rabbi and yo mama walk into a bar. Where are you going? Leonard: To my room. Sheldon: Should I follow you? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Leonard, wait. Leonard: What? Sheldon: I forgot to tell you the sandwich is promiscuous. Scene: The mall. Stuart: How about those guys on that bench over there? They look pathetic. I bet we could talk to them. Raj: That's a mirror. Stuart: Oh, yeah. Security Guard: Hey, fellas, mall's closing. Raj: Sorry. Security Guard: Yeah. Good night. Raj: Uh, excuse me. Security Guard: Yeah? Raj: Uh, do, do you like being a mall security guard? Security Guard: It's all right. Raj: Okay, nice talking to you. Stuart: Smooth. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Can't sleep? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Would you like to talk about it? Leonard: Penny proposed, and I didn't say yes. Sheldon: Why not? Leonard: That's a good question. Sheldon: Does that mean the relationship is over? Leonard: I don't know. Sheldon: Why don't you ask her? Leonard: Because I'm afraid to know the answer. Sheldon: Well, I'm sorry. Leonard: That's it? You're not gonna make some dumb joke or some inappropriate comment? Sheldon: No. You're my friend, and, I'm sorry. Leonard: Did you just put a kick me sign on my back? Sheldon: No. That wouldn't be funny at all. Scene: Howard and Bernadette's bedroom. Howard: Star Wars audition, take one, starring Howard Joel Wolowitz, real-life astronaut. Vader is here, now, on this moon. I felt his presence. He's come for me. He can feel when I'm near... Bernadette: How many times do I have to tell you to replace the toilet paper when it's empty? Howard: I'm in the middle of something. Bernadette: So am I.
doc_248	Angel: "Previously on Angel" Wesley: "Angel's son is part of the prophecy. Everyone and everything will be coming for him." Fred is holding Connor. Wes: "Adorable." Gunn: "So sweet." Wes: "I meant the baby." Gunn: "I meant the hot mama." Wesley: "She is a rather extraordinary young woman." Gunn and Fred kiss. Wes' face reflected in the polished metal as he sees them. Lorne: "We got a little term back in Pylea - kyrumption..." Angel: "I know it." Pylean Priest: "Everyone is very anxious for her majesty to com-shuck with the Groosalug." Gunn: "Sounds dirty if you ask me." Cordy runs across the dungeon to hug Groo. Cordy: "That's not terrible, that's wonderful!" Groo: "Your visions shall pass to me." Cordy: "I can't give up my visions!" Cordy lounges in Angel's doorway, dressed up for the ballet. Lorne: "Cordelia?" Angel: "What about her?" Lorne: "You got to let her know what's brewing inside, because you don't wanna miss that shot!" Possessed by the mystical energy in the ballerina's dressing room, Angel and Cordy go at it. Angel: "You've become a truly extraordinary woman. I think that we..." Cordy: "Groo?" Angel: "Yes! We grew - closer together and I think..." Cordy runs past him. Cordy: "Groo!" Groo: "Princess!" They hug. Cordy: "Oh god, I can't believe it!" Lorne to Angel: "He just showed up" Fred (voice-over as Angel goes to check on Connor): "I thought for sure she was meant to be with Angel. I guess you never can predict those things." Angel is leaning on Connor's crib, looking down at his son. Lorne comes up beside him. Angel: "It's strange." Lorne: "Hmm." Angel: "I remember him being taller." Lorne: "A trick of the light. They don't actually get smaller until they're very, very old." Angel: "I didn't mean the baby." Lorne: "I know you didn't." Angel: "I meant the Groosalug." Lorne: "I know you did." Angel: "Did he seem, ah, - I don't know - short?" Lorne: "Oh, absolutely. Clearly the guy shrank - all over, probably. (Lorne helps Angel out of his tux jacket) Why, he's nothing but a muscley midget. I'm sure once Cordelia gets him home, she'll just pop him into a smallish drawer, and that will be that." Angel, adjusting his cuffs: "She took him home. Well - well, that's good. At least we won't have to put him up here. The place was starting to turn into a hotel." Lorne: "So - so you don't have a problem with that then?" Angel: "Of course not. Why would I?" Lorne sniffs Angel's tux jacket. Lorne: "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I don't remember you wearing this perfume when you left this evening?" Angel takes the jacket from him. Angel: "Okay. There may have been some magic." Lorne: "There. You see?" Angel: "Actual magic, Lorne. Whatever happened, it was a spell. It's worn off now. There's nothing between Cordelia and me." Lorne: "Sure there is. And it got arms like steel cables and a deeply ironic sense of timing." Angel goes to hang his jacket into a closet. Angel: "You know, it's good that the Groosalug showed up when he did. You were right. Cordelia deserves a champion, and now she's got one." Lorne: "Well, what about you?" Angel: "I'm fine. I've been a solo-act most of my two hundred fourty plus years. And when I wasn't? Never turned out well. I like being alone." The camera frames Angel and Lorne from inside the closet as Angel hangs up the jacket. Lorne: "Fine, Ms. Garbo. Have it your way. Be alone." The closet door closes, and the screen goes dark - only to show us Angel again as he opens the door again a moment later. Angel reaches in, takes out the jacket on its hanger and sniffs at it for just a moment before hanging it back up and closing the door as he turns away. The camera looks out of another closet, this time at Cordy changing out of her evening dress. Cordy: "So, ahem, you got deposed, huh?" Groo, pacing in her living room: "Yes." Cordy: "Huh. That sucks." Groo: "The people turned against me." Cordy: "Yeah, well, they'll do that." Groo: "Endless committees were formed. Committees splintered into factions, the factions into coalitions, the coalitions turned into subcommittees, until finally the more radical element, spurred by a charismatic leader, did the dance of revolution." Cordy comes out of her bedroom, wearing a red sweater and jeans. Cordy: "And here you are." Groo: "Yes." Cordy: "So - you don't miss it? You know, the power, castle, concubines, and the royal chippies." Groo: "There was never anyone else." Cordy: "Oh." Groo: "I welcomed the overthrow. The tedium of government was too much to bear after a life on the battlefield." Cordy, running a finger down the side of Groo's face: "Your heart wasn't really in it." Groo: "No. That left when you did." Groo slowly leans forward and they kiss. The camera circles around them and as we come back to see the Groosalug's face he has suddenly turned into an ugly, spiny, black monster. Cordy pulls back, staring at him. Groo's voice coming from the monster: "Princess?" Cordy takes a step back. Groo, looking like himself again: "Is something wrong?" Intro Angel comes down the stairs into the lobby, carrying Connor. Wesley is moving about behind the reception counter. Angel: "Hey." Wes: "Morning." Angel: "You, ah, you're the only one here?" Wes: "So far. - How's young Connor today?" Angel: "He's good. Cordelia, she's - usually in by now, isn't she?" Wes: "It's early. I imagine she and Groosalug where up late. They have a lot of catching up to do." Angel: "Right. Ah. 'They.'" Angel goes to put Connor down in a bassinet in Wes' office. Wes follows him. Wes: "Actually, I was hoping you and I could talk before the others got here." Angel: "Sure. What is it?" Wes: "Well - it's the fact of him. I know his sudden arrival was something we all needed a moment to digest. - Still, there are questions." Angel: "You're suspicious." Wes: "'Cautious' might be a better word." Angel: "You think he's evil." Wes: "Evil?" Angel: "Okay, maybe not evil, but - he's definitely hiding something. Does he seem shorter to you?" Wes glances down into the bassinet. Wes: "We are both talking about Connor, aren't we?" Angel: "What about Connor." Wes: "He shouldn't exist." Angel: "His birth was foretold. How many people can say that?" Wes: "He has a role to play, that's true, but we still don't know what that role is. - Angel, we can't be afraid to ask the questions, because your enemies, his enemies, certainly won't be." Angel: "You're right. We should be prepared." Wes: "I'm glad you agree. However, with the loss of the Nyazian Prophecies, we'll probably have to look elsewhere for our answers." Angel: "Well, we both know where those prophecies went. Maybe it's time to make another assault on Wolfram and Hart." Wes: "That might not be necessary. Not yet, anyway. There should be other sources. Ancient works accumulate scholarship, commentary over the years." Angel: "Huh. You think somebody else has already done the work for us." Wes: "That's my hope. I've been looking into it. I just... I felt you should know." Angel: "I wanna be involved, completely." Cordy: "Involved with who?" Angel spins around to see Cordy put some stuff down on the reception counter, and walks out of Wes' office. Angel: "You're here. And...(Sees Groo standing in front of the weapons cabinet, trying out one of the swords) ... so is he." Groo: "Angel. Your weapons are most impressive." Angel: "Thanks. Thank you. (Grabs a hold of Cordy's arm, never taking his eyes off Groo) Can you, uh, ask him not to handle my weapons?" Cordy: "Oh, relax. If there's one thing Groo knows, it's how to handle a weapon. - Poor guy. Looks like that's about all he's gonna be handling." Angel: "You mean, ah, you two didn't..." Cordy: "I got him home last night and we started... you know. - But then - I couldn't go through with it." Angel: "You couldn't?" Cordy: "No. Not after seeing that disgusting, spiny thing!" Angel throws a look at Groo before following Cordy into Wes' office. Angel: "Spiny?" Cordy: "Right up in my face! That's what the visions are like now. No pain, less artsy, sometimes floaty, though not lately, and very often stinky." Wes: "You had a vision?" Cordy: "Yeah. Big as life (Shows them a sketch she drew of the monster) last night, while Groo and I were getting reacquainted. Kind of a mood killer, I got to say." Wes: "You should have called one of us." Cordy: "Oh, please! Like I'm gonna bother you guys in the middle of the night because I want sx and can't have it." Wes: "Actually, I meant the vision." Cordy: "Oh. That. Well, it's not rising up until sometime later today." Wes: "Oh. Why can't you have sx?" Cordy: "I could lose my 'visionity.'" Wes: "If you wanna play it that way." Cordy: "Vision-ity! The visions. When that one hit my last night, it hit me. In Pylea the visions were supposed to pass to Groo if we ever did the royal com-shuck. How do I know that won't happen here?" Angel: "Good point. You really don't." Wes: "But your recent transformation could have changed all that. It might be possible to..." Angel kicks the side of Wes' desk as he moves his foot. Angel: "Still, you know, better safe than sorry. (To Cordy) You're doing the right thing." Cordy: "I know. I know. I can't risk it. It's just - I'm so... (Looks out of the office to where Groo is still swinging that sword) And he's such a... Rrrr.. (Turns to smile at Wes and Angel) Don't you think?" Angel and Wes both look down. Angel: "Yeah, sure." Wes: "Certainly." Cordy: "I mean, there's gotta be other things we can do to relieve the tension!" Angel: "Jogging could be the thing." Wes: "Perhaps some form of paranormal prophylactic..." Angel: "Because, you know, jogging..." Cordy, still watching Groo: "I guess we could probably 'com' without actually 'shucking.'" Angel: "Well, I don't know. That could be a slippery slope that once you're on, that you could - slide." Cordy: "At least I won't be upsetting the average around here. Nobody in this office is ever gonna get any." Gunn is sitting across from Fred in a diner, watching her eat. Gunn: "It's funny." Fred: "The way I chew?" Gunn: "No. Until that kiss last night, I would have thought you and Wesley had a thing for each other." Fred: "Wesley?" Gunn: "Yeah." Fred: "No, we're just good friends." Gunn: "You want another order of those?" Fred: "Yes, please." Fred puts a hand on Gunn's wrist as he looks around for a waitress. Fred: "Oh. No. No, I'm not hungry." Gunn: "You sure? I love watching you eat." Fred: "Wow. (They both look down, fidgeting and smiling) - We should probably go. People might start to talk." Gunn laughs: "Why would they?" Fred: "Well, you know, us." Gunn: "'Us' has been doing breakfast for weeks now. Everyone knows that." Fred: "I know, but now that we've kissed, things are different. - I mean, they are, right?" Gunn, smiling at her: "Oh yeah." Fred: "So - so you don't think they can tell?" Gunn looks around: "From here?" Fred laughs: "I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous, I know. It's just - I don't have a lot of experience in this area. I spent the last five years in a cave." Gunn: "Yeah, I know what that's like." Fred: "How could you?" Gunn: "Because now everything's so bright my eyes hurt." As they get lost in each other's eyes, the waitress drops the tab on the table. Waitress: "Here you go." Fred: "Thank you." Gunn: "Thanks." They both reach for it without losing eye contact, and their hands touch. Fred looks down: "How are we gonna work this?" Gunn: "Like we always do. We split it." Fred: "But you hardly ordered anything. I'd be getting so much more value." Gunn, smiling: "I think I'm making out okay." They lean across the table to kiss when their beepers go off. They both fumble for them and look at the number. Both: "Wesley." Wes: "We've identified the demon from Cordelia's vision as a Senih'd. (Hands Gunn an open book) We believe it will rise in the mid-city area sometime before nightfall." Gunn looks at the illustration, then hands the book over to Fred, sitting beside him. Wes notices their smiles as their hands linger during the hand-off. Wes: "The Senih'd manifests in its physical form for one purpose only - to feed." Fred hands the book to Cordy. Cordy: "Seen it." Cordy passes the book to Groo, standing beside her. Wes: "Immediately upon rising it will go to ground to search for a victim. We've got to make sure it doesn't find one." Angel comes to look at the book as Groo is holding it. He glances at Groo. Lifts up on his toes for a moment, then drops back down. Wes: "Angel will take the sewer tunnels. The rest of us will go by car to Sorensen Park. We'll enter the underground from the water treatment plant there, double back. Hopefully by the time we meet up again..." Groo: "I know this creature. It resembles the Bleaucha, which nest in the scum pits of Ur. I've slain many." Wes: "Really?" Groo: "Tracking it will be simple. Killing it, more difficult." Angel: "Well, yeah." Wes: "Alright then. Groo, you go with Angel. Lets move out." Everyone starts to leave as Angel stares at Wes, turns to look after Groo, then turns back to Wesley. Angel: "I don't think that's such a good idea, me and him. You know, I'm more of a loner. Plus, he's so - bulky. He could really slow me down!" Wes: "He's an experienced warrior. He should be a great asset." Angel looks over to where the others arm up in front of the weapons cabinet. Sees Cordy hand Groo a sword. Cordy: "Here's a nice one." Angel: "That's my favorite broadsword!" Wes: "You'll be fine, Angel." Wes pats Angel on the shoulder and walks past him. Cordy to Groo: "Are you sure you're gonna be warm enough? The sewers are pretty damp." Groo: "I shall be fine." Cordy: "Okay. (Hands Angel a weapon without taking her eyes of Groo) Here." Angel turns the ax in his hand, looking at the small head on it. Looks at Cordy, only to see her kiss Groo's cheek. Angel, turning away: "Lets go." Angel and Groo walk off together. Groo: "I shall present this beast's head to my princess as a token." Angel: "Right. 'cause she'll love that." Angel and Groo are walking along some dark sewer tunnels. Angel: "You sense anything?" Groo: "A deep sadness." Angel stops and turns to look back at Groo. Groo: "My princess. She is unhappy. I fear I am the cause." Angel: "No. No, she's not unhappy you're here, Groo. She's - thrilled." They walk on. Groo: "Then what keeps her from me? There is a distance - as if her heart is not free." Angel: "I-I think, that maybe she's afraid to get too close. - She's, ah, scared if she does, she'll, ah, lose something." Groo: "But I would give myself to her." We hear a low growling sound. Angel holds up a hand to stop Groo, then takes a couple steps forward and crouches down. Angel touches some liquid spots on the ground, then rubs his fingers together, looking at them. Groo: "It is wounded. It bleeds." Angel: "It's better than bread crumbs. Lets go." Angel and Groo enter what looks like the water treatment plant Wes was talking about. The Senih'd drops off of some pipes behind them. Angel and Groo turn and attack the demon together. The Senih'd manages to disarm both of them fairly early into the fight, but neither Angel nor Groo let that slow them down. Angel is taking a bit more of a beating than Groo, but other than that they're doing about the same against the monster. Until it lets out a scream and breaks through the wall to escape into the sunny park outside. Angel scrambles back out of the sunlight streaming in through the opening. Groo picks up his dropped sword, then holds out a hand to help Angel up. Groo: "Come." Angel just looks at Groo, not moving. Screams sound from outside, and Groo turns to run after the Senih'd. Angel slowly gets up and watches as Groo goes to rescue the young woman the Senih'd has grabbed. The demon tries to use the woman as a shield against Groo's sword, but Groo manages to knock them apart. Cordy, Wes, Gunn, and Fred come running over a rise in the park, just in time to see Groo catch the woman in one arm, while knocking the Senih'd down and stabbing it deep into the back of its neck. The demon dissolves into an oily black puddle that seeps away into the ground. Angel watches the rescued woman cling to Groo. Wes: "Well, done." Angel watches as Cordy throws her arms around Groo, a big smile on her face. Wes: "I must say, excellent work." The people in the park gather around them, applauding. Wes reaches out to pat Groo on the shoulder. Wes: "Well done." Wes turns and looks towards the hole in the side of the building. He sees Angel standing in the shadows of it, watching them. Break Ms. Frakes voice over: "You think you know someone. You think your place is secure and that there's a future there." Angel is sitting across from Ms Frakes behind Wes' desk, watching Groo as he reenacts his fight with the demon for Cordy, Gunn and Fred. Ms. Frakes: "And then something happens. No, strike that. Some one happens! (Angel watches Groo drop down beside Cordy, catching her in a hug) They insinuate themselves, pushing you out, taking your place." Angel turns his attention back to Ms Frakes. Angel: "And what makes you think this other woman is a witch, Ms - Frakes?" Ms. Frakes: "Why else would Jerry cheat on me? We've been engaged for eight years! She had to have put some kind of a spell on him." Wes is talking on the phone, while also watching the group out in the lobby. Wes: "I'm looking for the original Greek if it's at all possible." Watching as Fred is laughing at Groo's antics, Wes slowly moves backward until the wall beside him hides Gunn, sitting beside Fred, from his view - leaving only Fred and Cordy in his sights. Wes: "You do? Excellent. Ah, can I get a quote on that?" Angel leans back in his chair. Angel: "Well, if you give me the woman's name I'll have someone check her out. See if we can find out if she's a - witch." Ms Frakes: "HotBlonde37159 (She hands Angel some papers) I got these off the e-mails that I took from Jerry's computer." Angel: "It's, ah, gonna... (glances us as Wes walks into the office) uh, it's gonna be pretty difficult to find her based solely on this." Ms Frakes: "Well, just follow Jerry! I'm sure he'll lead you right to her." Angel looks up at Wes: "Ms Frakes here wants us to stake out her fiancé. I was trying to explain to her that..." Wes: "I think we can spare someone to keep an eye on Ms Frakes' fiancé. Gunn! (Gunn gets up from the settee) If witchcraft is involved we should probably look into it." Gunn: "What's up?" Wes: "Ah, Gunn, Ms Frakes here needs some surveillance work. I thought, if you were free..." Gunn: "Yeah, not a problem." Wes: "Good. (Takes the papers from Angel and hands them to Gunn) She'll give you the details. I'll leave it in your hands." Wes takes the printed up e-mails form Angel and hands them to Gunn. Gunn: "Sure thing." Fred smiles at Wes as she comes into the office. Fred: "We won't let you down." Angel and Wes are entering the rare books shop. Angel: "I don't know. Maybe they should just do it, you know? Get it over with." Wes: "I'm sorry?" Angel: "Cordy and Groo. She's being all noble for the good of the team. She should just make it with the com-shuck. That's what she wants." Wes: "Oh." Proprietor: "May I help you?" Wes: "Yes. I phoned earlier about Grammaticus Third Century Greek Commentaries." Proprietor: "Of course. The G.T.C.G.C. I'll be just one moment." Wes: "Thank you." Angel: "I mean, why not? You know, life is short. Okay, not mine, but, you know, most people's. And if Groo does it for her, she should go for it. (Walks over to a shelf to flip through some books) Make him happy. Make her happy. (Almost inaudible) Make everybody happy." Wes: "But still - office romance - complicates things. What if they should have a row, or break up?" Angel: "All of us fight with each other at some point. It's not like anybody else is having a romance. I don't see it changing things much." Wes: "Well - (leans closer to Angel and drops his voice after a glance around) she said it herself. It could risk the visions." Angel: "Okay. So the visions pass to Groo. He gets them instead of her. So what?" Wes: "Are you suggesting Groosalug could replace Cordelia?" Angel, still browsing the books: "Maybe not Cordelia." Wes: "I see. - You think he could replace you." Angel slowly puts the book he's holding back on the shelf and turns to face Wes. Angel: "I don't know. Seems to me, here is a guy who can do everything I can - and a few things I can't." Wes: "That's not true." Angel: "You saw what happened this afternoon. If Groo hadn't been there..." Wes: "Then the rest of us would have. - Angel, - you're the reason we've all come together. It's your mission which animates us. We each contribute, it's true, but you - you're unique. (Indicates the shelves) You're like one of these rare volumes. One of a kind." Angel smiles ever so slightly. The proprietor walks through in between them, carrying three old books. Proprietor: "I've got three of them." Angel blinks, smile gone as his brows draw down for a moment. Groo is sitting in a chair in Wes' office with Cordy leaning down for a kiss. Cordy, pulling back a little: "Are you sure?" Groo: "I'm sure." Cordy: "Good. Don't worry. I practiced plenty on Cousin Timmy when we were kids." They smile at each other. Cordy takes a step over towards the desk, then turns back. Cordy: "Oh, wait. It's not like your strength is in your hair, or anything like that, right?" Groo: "No. I - believe it is in my muscles." Cordy laughs: "Okay. So, we lose the "Battlefield Earth" hair, and get you out of these animal skins, and it'll be a whole new you!" Groo: "And will this 'new me' be one that you can allow yourself to love?" Cordy: "What?" Groo: "Will the 'new me' please you in ways that the 'old me' could not?" Cordy: "Groo, it's a haircut. It's not gonna make me like you any better." Groo: "Oh. - I understand." After a beat Cordy puts the scissors down, takes a deep breath and crouches down in front of Groo. Cordy: "You didn't give up your throne and come all this way for a make-over, did you? You came for something I can't give you - me. - It's not that I don't want to. I do. I've never met anyone like you, Groo. You're so open, and sweet, and there is a definite thing here. It's just..." Groo puts a hand on hers: "You are afraid that with me, you will be less than what you were." The camera shows a tree with a lot of roots visible around the bottom of the trunk. A car pulls up at the curb across the street from it. A man gets out and walks over to stand beneath the tree. Gunn's truck pulls up. Gunn: "Looks like this is it. Better get the camera." Fred, setting up the video camera: "Do you really think he's possessed or under some kind of spell?" Gunn: "Well, it's hard to say. There's all different kinds of magic. You've got demony love spells, mojo sx chants, voodoo bootie rituals..." Fred: "Voodoo bootie rituals?" Gunn gives her serious nod, then they both start laughing. Fred, leaning towards him: "You made that up." Gunn: "Then there is the all-powerful, big, brown, soulful eyes kind of magic." Fred smiles: "Kind of familiar with that one myself." They start to kiss, but Fred pulls away. Fred: "Hmm. We should..." Gunn: "Right. Because we're all about the work." Fred turns to watch Jerry, standing under the tree, holding a single red rose, waiting. Fred: "Maybe it's not so much magical but chemical when two people are attracted. Maybe it's like the DNA knows what it needs and when it finds it, nothing can get in its way. It just takes it." Gunn: "It does?" Fred nods at him with a smile. Gunn leans forward and they kiss. Fred after a moment: "Charles..." Gunn: "Yeah?" Fred: "We're not supposed to be the ones having the rendezvous." Gunn: "We're not?" Fred: "No. He is." Gunn: "But he's cheating on someone. You and me, we got a right." Gunn pulls her close, but Fred, while smiling doesn't give in. Fred: "I know. But we're supposed to be working." Gunn lets out a sigh, and sits back. Gunn: "You're right." He looks towards the tree - no Jerry in sight. Gunn: "Damn!" Wes: "I'll get started translating this material right away." Angel: "Well, ah, Wesley - thanks - for what you said before. You put things into perspective for me." Wes: "Glad I could. While I do believe having another warrior for good may be an asset in the coming days, Truth is, you and the Groosalug are two totally different - people..." Wes trails off as they enter the lobby and see Groo, his hair cut short, dressed in a set of Angel's clothes. Groo: "Ah, hello." Wes: "...who look exactly alike." Angel under his breath: "He's wearing my clothes." Wes: "Good fit." Groo smiles up at them. Angel returns the smile. Angel: "Where's Cordelia?" Cordy gets up from Wes' chair as Angel walks into the office, a set smile on his face. Cordy: "Oh, good. You're back." Angel: "He's wearing my clothes." Cordy: "What? Oh, yeah. I-I didn't think you'd mind. Turns out you guys are about the same size. I think he's a little taller. Looks great though, doesn't he? Angel, I need your help." Angel: "What happened? - You had a vision?" Cordy: "What? Oh, no. No, it's nothing like that. Uhm. This is - personal." Angel: "What is it?" Cordy: "I wouldn't ask, except, ah, there's really no one else I can trust with this. It's something only you can do?" Angel puts his hands on Cordy's arms and leads her over to a chair before sitting down on the edge of the desk in front of her. Angel: "Tell me." Cordy lets out a deep breath: "You've done so much for me already and... Well, this is just one more thing for the list, I guess." Angel: "There is no list. You know that. Just - just tell me what I can do." Cordy: "I need you to help me have sx - with Groo." Angel slowly turns his head to look out into the lobby where Groo is standing talking to Wesley. Cordy grins at Groo behind Angel's back and waves. Groo waves and smiles back. Angel lifts a hand, wiggles his fingers a little and raises his eyebrows, while trying to smile back. Break [SCENE_BREAK] Cordy: "I realized something today. - It's not the threat of losing the visions that's been keeping me from being close. - It's me. The Visions are just an excuse. I mean - there's always some excuse." Angel: "Right." Cordy: "I'm tired of being lonely." Angel: "Yeah." Cordy: "So I worked it out." Angel: "You did?" Cordy: "Yes! It was something Wesley said - a paranormal prophylactic. And that got me thinking. I couldn't be the only woman on earth that had some supernatural gift that could be lost through physical intimacy." Angel: "Stands to reason." Cordy: "So I started researching and anyway, I'm right. There is a potion, a protective potion. I take it and bang! I can." Angel: "Hmm. A potion." Cordy: "Yeah. Anyway, this woman's name is Anita, and she's kind of in the business. Makes love potions, elixirs, things like that. She says she's got just the thing at this address." Cordy hands Angel a paper with a scribbled address. Angel: "You want me to - get this for you." Cordy: "I went to my ATM, got cash. (Hands Angel a wad of bills) Nearly cleaned me out, but I think it's worth it." Angel: "So you and Groo can..." Cordy: "...com-shuck like bunnies. You betcha." Angel: "Why don't you just send him?" Cordy: "I am sending him. He kind of insists on it, but that's why I need you." Angel: "Huh?" Cordy: "He doesn't know this world. I can't send him into a demon brothel all by himself! I mean, I trust him, but I'm not crazy." Angel takes a step back: "Brothel." Cordy follows him: "You'd be safe there. No woman's gonna tempt you, right?" Angel looks down: "R-right." Groo walks into the office. Groo: "Are we ready?" Cordy: "I think so." Groo: "We're most grateful for your help, Angel. (Groo puts an arm around Angel's shoulder and pulls him close) You've been a true friend to us both." Cordy laughs. Angel: "Yeah." Fred and Gunn are walking around tree where they last saw Jerry. Fred: "There is nothing." Gunn: "More like a whole lot of nothing. How are we gonna explain this? 'Sorry, Wes. We lost the dude because we were macking on the job.'" Fred: "We didn't lose him so much as... Okay. We lost him. But his car's still here. So he's got to be close, right?" Gunn bends down and picks up the single red rose Jerry was holding earlier. Fred: "I'm sure there is an explanation." Gunn: "The camera." Fred: "Yeah, the camera. Maybe he saw the camera." Gunn: "No, I mean, whatever happened, we got it on tape." Fred: "Right." Fred looks down at the camera she is carrying. Fred flips the side screen of the camera open and rewinds the tape to where Jerry was still standing under the tree. Fred: "There he is." Gunn: "Push play." On the screen we see some roots come up out of the ground, wrap around Jerry and pull him straight down into the ground. Fred: "Well, that can't be good." Roots shoot up out of the ground, wrap around Gunn and Fred and they vanish into the ground as well. We get an outside shot of a lit mansion. Then see a dorky looking guy walk down a hallway on the arm of a 'lady' with an oversized smile and three boobs. Another lady comes around a corner of the hallway, followed by Angel and Groo. Anita: "Oh, I love your outfits." Angel: "Well, I really wouldn't call them 'outfits.'" Anita: "But you are together." Groo puts a hand on Angel's shoulder: "Yes! Two champions here together." Angel, pushing Groo's hand off: "Not 'together' together. Just 'get the potion' together." Groo: "So I may com-shuck my princess." Angel: "Just to reiterate, (Angel points at himself) not (is distracted by the sound of laughter) the princess..." Angel is looking through an open door into a reddish room, watching a couple having a pillow fight. Anita: "The room is enchanted. Everything that happens in there, every touch, every emotion, every desire is extended for maximum pleasure. I can check the schedule if there is someone special you would like to bring." Anita takes a hold of Groo and leads him down the corridor, after a moment Angel turns away from the room to follow. Anita: "Just right in here." Anita leads Groo into a big bedroom. A man wearing dress pants and shirt is manacled to one of the walls. Man: "Oh, hello." Groo: "Fear not, friend. We are here to save you!" Groo rushed over and tries to pry the shackles open. Man: "Hey! Get off!" Angel comes in, takes one look, and hurries over and grabs a hold of Groo's shoulders. Angel: "Groo! Groo, I think he's happy there." Groo: "As a slave?" Man: "Don't judge me." Angel pulls Groo away. Angel: "Come on. (To man) Sorry. (To Anita) If you'll just give us the potion, we'll be..." Anita: "You brought cash?" Angel pulls out the money Cordy gave him and hands it to Anita. Anita takes it then lifts one hand up into the air. We hear a little tinkling sound and her hand is enveloped in a deep blue light. As she brings her hand back down she is holding a small metal bottle. Anita: "Make sure to tell your princess to drink it all at once." Groo takes the bottle and Anita looks at Angel. Anita: "I know why your earnest friend is here, but why are you? What's in it for you?" Angel just stands there looking at Anita, ignoring the ringing of his cell phone. Groo: "Angel, your coat is singing." Angel pulls out the phone and flips it open. Angel: "Hello. - What? Gunn? (He turns away from the others plugging his other ear) I can barely hear you." We see Gunn and Fred wrapped in a net of roots in what looks like a cave. Gunn: "Yeah, reception's not so great, is it?" Angel: "Where are you?" Gunn: "Under Plummer park." Angel: "Under it?" Gunn: "Pretty much. We were tailing that woman's fiancé..." Fred: "Jerry." Gunn: "...and we kind of lost him." Fred: "But then we found him - sort of." Gunn: "Him and his date. Some root-crazy, tree-like demony thing." Fred: "With what looks like a DSL connection. (We see some computer screens and keyboards wrapped around by more roots.) We're pretty sure he chats up lonely hearts online, and then sucks them down here for food. Or maybe it gets its power that way." Gunn: "Monster's got a big, old, leathery joint jammed up into guy. I think it's sucking the life out of him." We get a shot of a gnarly face in the main trunk and hear it growl. Angel: "What... have you called Wesley yet?" Gunn: "We were kind of hoping we wouldn't have to." Angel: "I don't understand." Fred: "We just didn't want to bother him with this." Angel: "Bother him?" Gunn: "Look. Nothing against Wes, but I'm not sure he can help us out at the moment. What we really need..." Angel listens to his phone. Angel: "Oh. Ah-huh. (Angel turns and holds the phone out to Groo) Uhm. It's for you." Groo is leading the way through the sewers. Groo: "I am honored they requested the Groosalug to save them." Angel: "I wouldn't say requested, more like included. (Puts a hand on Groo's shoulder to hold him up) Hang on. Here. Here. Did you feel it?" Groo strides forward: "Something Evil." Angel grabs a hold of Groo again: "Whoa, easy. Slow down, Champ! We have to be very careful here." Groo: "You're right. (Groo pulls out the bottle Anita gave him) Will you keep this safe?" Angel looks from Groo to the bottle. After a moment he takes it and puts it in his pocket. Angel: "Fine. But we just got to be, you know, a little bit more..." Groo charges forward with a loud battle cry. Angel: "...patient." Groo slashes away at the roots as he runs into the cave. Fred: "It's Groo!" Gunn: "Over here!" Groo lets out another battle cry. The face in the trunk roars back. A root shoots out and buries itself in the middle of Groo's chest. Groo drops the sword as he is pulled up beside the now released Jerry, who is lying motionless on the ground. Fred: "What are we gonna do now?" Angel makes his way into the cave between some of the hanging roots. Angel: "That's my shirt!" Break Angel: "This thing is not actually made out of wood, is it?" Fred: "No, it's flesh." Angel: "Good. (Picks up the sword Groo dropped) Flesh I can deal with. Flesh I can kill." Fred: "But I don't think hacking it is going to do any good. It doesn't seem to have any vital organs. It uses people as batteries. It draws its power from its victims." Angel looks from the root-demons snarling face to Groo, who is groaning and straining against the root buried in his chest. Gunn: "And it's been getting stronger since it tapped into Groo." Angel: "Really. Stronger. (Groo suppresses another scream) Come on! He can't be that great." Fred: "He is the Groosalug." Gunn throws a look at Fred as he sees Angel drop the sword and walk closer to the root-face. Angel: "What do you think? - Honestly. Does he seem really 'better' than other men?" Demon: "He's magnificent." Angel: "Really? - I'd say more like magnificently stupid. (Gunn and Fred exchange another look) Because him with the beer tap in his chest and me with the, you know, just walking around (Angel walks up to Groo) And I'm really getting tired of the 'Groosa-worship' thing. (Slugs Groo in the face. The root-demon lets out a roar) Nothing personal, champ. Oh! Everyone makes such a big deal about the Groosalug. (Slugs Groo. The root-demon roars.) He's such a champion. (Slug. Roar.) He's so rugged. (Slug. Roar.) He's so emotionally available. (Slug. Roar.) Look at him in the daylight. (Slug. Roar.) But you know what? I'm smarter, and I'm stronger, and I pick out my own clothes!" Angel kicks Groo. The demon roars, withdraws its tap-root from Groo and buries it in Angel's chest instead. Angel drops to his knees, catching himself on his left hand, while his right wraps around the taproot. Angel: "Okay. Oh, jeez. Well, it's okay. You know, no one is using my heart at the moment anyway." Demon: "Kill you." Angel: "Sorry. Already dead." Demon: "Vampire!" Angel: "Yeah. Did I mention that?" Demon moans: "Cold. - Cold." Angel: "Oh, yeah. It's kinda cold in there. But, hey, don't let that stop you." The tree demon moans. The root bindings around Gunn and Fred shrivel and drop away. Gunn jumps up, grabs Groo's dropped sword. Demon: "So cold." Gunn: "So dead!" Gunn buries the sword in the root-demon's face. A yellowish green liquid pours out. Fred goes to check on Groo, while Gunn checks on Angel. Angel: "How is he?" Fred: "Pretty beat up. Still alive - thanks to you." Wes it talking on the phone in his office. Gunn and Fred are sitting in chairs in front of his desk. Wes: "Yes, Ms Frakes. We are, too. - You're welcome. - Good bye. (Hangs up phone) Well, Ms Frakes is very happy. You saved her fiancé's life." Fred: "So he's gonna be okay?" Wes: "Yes." Gunn: "That's good." Wes: "Yes." There is a long pause. Wes: "Well, good work. You should probably get cleaned up, then." Fred getting up: "Yeah. Good idea." Wes: "Ah, Charles, a word?" Gunn and Fred look at each other for a moment. Fred: "Well, good night." Gunn: "Good night. (Smiles as he watches Fred leave) What is it?" Gunn turns back to face Wes. Wes: "When you knew this was more than just a tryst you should have told me." Gunn: "It happened so fast. The thing just grabbed the guy and he was gone." Wes: "That's... - That's not what I meant." Gunn: "Oh. - You mean... (points a thumb back over his shoulder) - Well... - I'm not so sure that's any of your business." Wes: "No. You're probably right. - Still... She could get hurt. - I trust that won't happen?" Gunn: "What are you, her brother?" Wes: "Apparently." Gunn after a beat: "Wesley, I..." Wes: "She chose. - It's just important to me that she's taken care of." Gunn: "She will be." Wes: "Good." Wes picks up his pen and goes back to working on translating the open book in front of him. Gunn watches him for a moment then turns to go. Halfway to the door he turns back and opens his mouth, but closes it again without speaking and leaves. Wes looks up. We hear a ripping sound and see Angel scrunch up his face, then hear buttons rain to the floor. Cordy: "Sorry." Angel, as he watches her dab at Groo's bared chest: "It's, ah - it's okay. It, ah, was already ruined." Cordy: "Well, if it's any consolation, I planned to rip it off him later anyway. (Her head whips around to looks at Angel) You did get the potion, didn't you?" Angel holds up the slightly dented flask. Angel: "Yeah. We - we got it." Cordy goes back to doctoring Groo. Cordy: "Well. This isn't so bad. You heal almost as fast as he does." Groo: "Princess, I - I have a confession to make." Angel: "Groo." Groo looks over at Angel, who silently shakes his head 'no' at him. Cordy pulls his face back around to look at her. Cordy: "A confession? What - what confession? Did something happen at the brothel? (To Angel) You were supposed to look after him!" Angel: "Nothing happened! Except your - boyfriend here was - very brave, and - saved the day." Cordy to Groo: "You did? (Slaps his shoulder) You big hero!" Groo: "No. I was reckless! I put everyone in grave peril. - Angel is the true champion. (Looks over at Angel) He saved us all." Cordy, never taking her eyes off Groo: "Did you hear that?" Angel: "Yeah, but..." Cordy: "How many guys would just give away the credit like that? That is just so noble. (Holds out her hand) The potion." Angel puts the flask into her outstretched hand. Cordy takes it then grabs Groo by his shirt and pulls him up off the settee. Cordy: "Let's get our of here! See ya!" Cordy hurries Groo towards the exit doors of the Hyperion. Angel: "Cordelia." Cordy stops and looks back at Angel. Cordy: "What?" When Angel only stands there, Cordy holds up a finger to Groo then walks back to Angel. Cordy, quietly: "What is it?" Angel takes one of her hands and puts a roll off dollar bills tied with a string into it. Cordy: "What's this?" Angel: "Just some money I saved up." Cordy: "Why? What for?" Angel: "I did something for you tonight. Now I want you to do something for me. - Don't come in tomorrow. In fact, don't come in for a couple of weeks. Take Groo some place - nice. Somewhere where there is - sun. - He'd like that." Cordy: "Angel..." Angel: "Promise me." Cordy shakes her head a little as she looks down at the money, hitches one shoulder a little. Cordy: "Okay." Cordy turns to leave, then turns back and touches the hole in Angel's T-shirt where the tentacle went into his heart. Cordy: "You sure you don't need some patching up yourself?" Angel looks down at his chest: "No, I - I'm good. Didn't hurt a bit." Cordy looks at him for a moment, then turns and walks out with Groo. As the door closes Wes comes out of his office. Angel looks at him then turns towards the stairs. Lorne is laying Connor down in his crib. Lorne: "Alright now. You get some rest, big boy. Yes. You go to sleep. Get you nice and tucked in... yes." Lorne looks up as Angel walks up to them. Angel: "Thanks for looking after him." Lorne: "Yeah. Sure. (Gives Angel a look) You okay?" Angel looks down at Connor, a slight smile spreading over his face. Angel: "Yeah." Lorne leaves as Angel keeps watching Connor. We see Wesley writing 'the son.' The camera pulls back to show us Wes staring down at his notepad. Angel walks in, carrying Connor. Angel: "Working late?" Wes: "Yes. - You startled me." Angel: "Oh, we didn't mean to." Wes: "I thought I was alone." Angel: "Yeah. (Looks at Connor with a smile) So did I." Wes watches as Angel kisses Connor's cheek and walks back out of the office. Wes lets out a sigh and looks back down at his notepad where we can read 'the father - will kill - the son.'
doc_249	Open on three cheerleaders running in a busy High School car park as Veronica drives in, parks up and heads towards a crowd in front of the school. VERONICA VOICEOVER: This is my school. If you go here, your parents are either millionaires or your parents work for millionaires. Neptune, California. A town without a middle class. If you're in the second group, you get a job. Fast food, movie theatres, mini-marts. Or you could be me. My after-school job means tailing philandering spouses or investigating false injury claims. The crowd is gathered around, staring at something ahead. MALE VOICE IN THE CROWD: Who'd that guy rat out? The focus of the crowd's attention is a young black man, taped to a flagpole. He is naked, although his dignity is preserved by the tape and 'Snich' is painted in large letters across his chest. We will subsequently learn his name is Wallace. BOY IN THE CROWD: The bikers. GIRL IN CROWD: Why doesn't somebody cut him down? ANOTHER BOY IN THE CROWD: [Sarcastically] Yeah! I'll do it. I wanna be the guy up there tomorrow! No one is helping him and one particularly obnoxious individual approaches him with a camera, taking a photograph of himself with the humiliated captive. JERK: All right, say cheese. Smile. Veronica is unimpressed with the passivity of the crowd or the jerk and approaches them. VERONICA: [To the jerk] Move. JERK: Who died and made you the quee- His posturing is cut off by Veronica's production of a small knife and he leaves as Veronica starts to slice through the tape around the boy's lower body. JERK: [Exiting] You ARE a freak. VERONICA: [To the lad, as she cuts him down] You're new here, huh. Welcome to Neptune High. School bell rings. VERONICA: [In mock enthusiasm to the quickly dispersing crowd] Go Pirates! Overhead shot of event cuts to the front of a class room in session. As the teacher (who in the future we will learn is Mrs Murphy) walks forward, the students are exposed, including Veronica, whose head is on the desk and who looks to be asleep. MRS MURPHY: This is advanced placement. We expect more. It's called 'An Essay on Man' but what Pope's really talking about is faith. Right? Anybody? Did anybody complete the reading? Veronica? Veronica Mars! Veronica's head comes up. She wipes her eye, waking up. VERONICA: Um-hum MRS MURPHY: Congratulations, you're my volunteer. Pope. An Essay on Man. Epistle I. VERONICA: "Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never Is, but always To be blest: The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home, Rests and expatiates in a life to come." MRS MURPHY: And what do you suppose Pope meant by that? VERONICA: Life's a bitch until you die. [The class titters.] MRS MURPHY: OK, thank you Ms Mars for that succinct and somewhat inappropriate response. Veronica returns her head to the desk as the teacher carries on. MRS MURPHY: I think what Pope's saying is that the thing that keeps us powering through life's defeats is our faith in a better life yet to come. Cut to Veronica coming from around the corner to an empty school hall with successive sets of lockers on the side between classroom doors. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Random locker searches. It's the latest tactic the administration has adopted in their losing war on drugs except the searches aren't really random. In front of Veronica are a tall, besuited man and a deputy who holds the leash of a German Shepherd. We will subsequently learn that the deputy's name is Sacks. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I know when they're gonna to happen before Vice Principal Clemmons does. DEPUTY SACKS: Veronica Mars, this should be good. CLEMMONS: Veronica, would you please open your locker. As Veronica is turning the combination of her locker, the dog barks. VERONICA: [To the dog] Buster. The dog gives a little whine and obeys her. The surprised deputy looks down at the dog. Veronica opens her locker. It is completely empty save for a picture on the back of the door. It is a picture of Vice Principal Clemmons framed in a heart. VERONICA: [With feigned embarrassment] Wow. This is a little embarrassing. Cut to an unappetizing dinner tray of meatloaf, gravy and mixed peas and corn. Veronica stabs at it unenthusiastically as the camera pulls back to reveal her in an outside eating area in the school, sitting alone at one of the tables. People fast motion around her until it rests on a table across from her. There are a number of students there, taking delivery of pizzas. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I used to sit there. At that table. It's not like my family met the minimum net worth requirement. My dad didn't own his own airline like John Enbom's [paying for the pizzas with a gold card] or serve as ambassador to Belgium like Shelley Pomeroy's but my dad used to be the sheriff and that had a certain cachet. Another boy approaches the pizza table. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Let's be honest, though. The only reason I was allowed past the velvet ropes was Duncan Kane. Son of software billionaire, Jake Kane, he used to be my boyfriend. Flashback to a long haired Veronica and Duncan walking down the school hallway. Duncan's arm is around Veronica's shoulders and they kiss as they walk. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Then one day, with no warning, he ended things. Veronica, still with long hair, closes her locker and turns, smiling, to see Duncan walking past, another boy whispering in his ear. Duncan cuts her dead. Cut back to the present as Veronica continues to stare at Duncan. The whispering boy from the flashback is there and notices. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And let's not forget Logan Echolls. His dad makes twenty million a picture. You probably own his action figure. Logan sits on Duncan's knee and starts rubbing his chest in a faux-lecherous manner. Duncan pushes him off. Logan laughs, sits down and points mockingly at Veronica. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Every school has an obligatory psychotic jackass. He's ours. Veronica is so intent on out-staring Logan that she doesn't notice that Wallace has joined her table. WALLACE: You okay. VERONICA: What? WALLACE: You look, I don't know, hypnotised. VERONICA: Did I say you could sit here? Looking fed up, Wallace puts his orange back in his lunch bag and stands, preparing to go. VERONICA: [Relenting] Wait a minute. Of course you can sit here. Sit wherever you want. He sits back down. WALLACE: That-that was cool, what you did, getting me off of that pole. VERONICA: Well From behind Veronica comes a head-shaven, tattooed biker. We will subsequently learn that this is Weevil. WEEVIL: [To Wallace] My bitch. Weren't you supposed to wait for me at the flagpole. I'm not sure I could have made that any clearer. Weevil plonks himself down next to Wallace, deliberately getting in his face. Wallace takes a deep breath and lets out an uncomfortable laugh. WALLACE: OK, I get it, a'right. Very funny. WEEVIL: Yeah. WALLACE: I guess we're even now. Right? WEEVIL: [Aggressively] You get what boy? You get that you're a dead man walking, is that what you get? VERONICA: Leave him alone. Weevil turns his attention to Veronica and moves to stand over her. WEEVIL: Sister, the only time I care what a woman has to say is-is when she's riding my big old hog but even then it's not so much words just a bunch of oohs and aahs, you know? VERONICA: So it's big, huh? WEEVIL: [Indulgently] Legendary. VERONICA: Well let's see it. I mean if it's as big as you say, I'll by your girlfriend. We could go to prom together. Her refusal to be intimidated surprises and amuses him and he laughs as he looks around at his fellow bikers. One of them we will subsequently learn is called Felix. VERONICA: What? What seems to be the problem. I'm on a schedule here, vato. FELIX: [Not so amused] Dude, Weevil. Don't let blondie talk to you like that! VERONICA: Sounds like your buddy here wants to see it too. FELIX: Ah, hell, I'll show you mine. Felix gets closer to Veronica and makes to drop his pants. He is interrupted by the arrival of the Vice Principal. CLEMMONS: Felix Toombs. What on God's green earth is going on here? All right gentlemen, move it along. Veronica, why does trouble follow you around? Veronica smiles blandly as the bikers and the Vice Principal move on, leaving Veronica and Wallace alone again at their table. VERONICA: So what did you do? WALLACE: [Not comprehending] What? VERONICA: Why are you a dead man walking? Cut to a scene in a small convenience store where Wallace sits at checkout, reading a comic. Two bikers comes in and head to the chilled units at the back. WALLACE: [Offscreen] Oh yeah, I work at Sac-n-Pac. Last night I was working by myself. Couple of those guys came in. The Latin biker, who we will subsequently learn is named Hector, takes out a large beer bottle and hands it to the other who puts it in his coat as Hector does the same with another bottle. HECTOR: Oh man, happy birthday bro. ASIAN BIKER: Oh thanks man. The bikers continue to pocket the beer. WALLACE: [Offscreen] They just walked right to the back of the store and started stuffing all these forties into their pockets. So I hit the silent alarm. Wallace can see the bikers head towards him on the surveillance screen at checkout. Hector picks up a small packet of gum and both head for the checkout. They lean in. HECTOR: [Reading the badge] Wallace. Hector carefully smoothes a dollar bill and slaps it on the counter. WALLACE: [Offscreen] I guess the dude thought a one dollar bill would cover it. HECTOR: Keep the change. They laugh and leave. WALLACE: [Offscreen] That's when the police came. Cut back to Veronica at the table. VERONICA: We don't have the police here. We have a sheriff's department. Cut back to the Sac-n-Pac flashback as the gum-chewing Sheriff walks in. SHERIFF: [Dismissively] You, come on. Wallace follows the Sheriff outside and is taken aback by the presence of a whole gang of bikers, including Weevil and Felix, watching from their bikes. UNSEEN BIKER: What's up snitch? SHERIFF: Come here. They say they paid. The two bikers who took the beer are handcuffed and in the custody of the deputy. Hector is grinning. Wallace is intimidated that this is going down in full view of the gang. SHERIFF: Well, did they? WALLACE: Yeah. HECTOR: Like I said. [Laughs] SHERIFF: [To the bikers] Shut up. [To Wallace] But you pressed the alarm anyway. WALLACE: It was an accident. The Sheriff stalks off in disgust, re-enters the store and retrieves the surveillance video. Wallace watches him as he comes back outside. SHERIFF: [To the deputy] Sacks, get 'em outta here. Get 'em outta here. We got enough. Sacks grabs the shoplifting bikers and heads for the car. The Sheriff gets up close just behind Wallace's right shoulder and sniffs derisively. SHERIFF: You need to go see the wizard. Ask him for some guts. VERONICA: [Offscreen] "Go see the wizard", he said that. The scene returns to the lunch table. WALLACE: Yeah. VERONICA: Congratulations, sport. In your short time here, you've already managed to piss off the motorcycle gang and the local sheriff. Cut to a small L-shaped, two-storey apartment complex around a small pool. Music is playing from one of the apartments. Veronica enters through a small gate into the pool area. Her reverie is interrupted by a sound of from one of the open windows. It's Peter Yorn's "Just Another". SONG: You and I, we're two of a kind I hate to say it but you'll never relate What makes you tick? It makes me smile. You said that I should get away from it all And bury my head in the sand if I want to I think you should thank me now You were lying wide awake in the garden Trying to get over your stardom And I could never see you depart us And you're my baby You're just another girl You're just another girl. She flashes back to the sound of a splash and the sight of Duncan Kane in a pool, pulling up to the side of it and staring up at her. DUNCAN: Hey baby, it's our song. From behind her, still within the blue-toned flashback, laughing sounds. About ten people around Veronica's age, including Logan Echolls, who has his arm around a girl we will come to know as Lilly, surround an older woman carrying a large birthday cake. Some have presents. We will learn the woman is Veronica's mother, Lianne. FRIENDS: Happy birthday Veronica LIANNE: Happy birthday Veronica. LIANNE: Are you surprised? LIANNE/NEIGHBOUR: Veronica. VERONICA: Mom? Veronica is forced back to the present by a smoky-voiced black woman, loaded with two grocery bags, stopped at the small gate Veronica entered earlier. NEIGHBOUR: Veronica, it's me. Honey can you give me-can you give me a hand? Veronica glances back at the pool then heads over. Cut to the inside of an apartment. The door opens and Veronica enters, greeted by a large brown and white pit bull. VERONICA: Hey, who's a big boy? Who's a big boy? Cut to a beach where Veronica unleashes the dog and throws a ball for him. VERONICA: [On the dog returning the ball] Good boy. She spots Wallace on the beach with a model airplane. Wallace waves. She hesitates, then gives a small wave back, looking thoughtful. Cut to a street. Veronica pulls up in her car behind a red Jag convertible with the licence KANE 2. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I was shocked to discover Celeste Kane's car outside Dad's office. Duncan's mom. She hates me almost as much as she adores her son. Veronica enters the lower door for 'Mars Investigations' situated over a pawn shop. The main office area boasts a couch, a desk and some filing cabinets. There is a small kitchenette off the end and a door leading into another office, marked with the name 'Keith Mars'. Veronica heads straight for the closed door, attempting to eavesdrop. The main office door bursts open and a man carrying a briefcase and file enters. He looks and will prove to be a slightly seedy lawyer, named Cliff McCormack. CLIFF: Veronica Mars. VERONICA: [Heading away from the closed door to the desk] My dad's with a client. CLIFF: Apparently. That's okay, I'm happy out here chatting with you. Cliff heads for the desk and they both sit down. VERONICA: Like I said, my dad's with a client. CLIFF: I heard you but your dad's out tracking down bail jumpers half the time and yet somehow all the cases that come in here still get handled. How is that? VERONICA: We're efficient. CLIFF: Very efficient. Um look, I'm just going to leave this file here, open on your desk and if you decide to take a look at it, cool. One of my clients, Loretta Cancoon, dances at the Seventh Veil� VERONICA: Classy. CLIFF: These are my people, V. She was busted for vandalism, taking a baseball bat to the washing machine that stole her quarters at Suds'n'Duds VERONICA: And Johnny Cochran was booked. CLIFF: [Smirking] I make no apologies. I like this case, it's tawdry. Miss Cancoon says the Seventh Veil has an interesting way of keeping their liquor licence [getting to his feet] despite their rather lax ID policy. [Heading for the exit] She wants to make a deal. If your dad has time, he should look into it. Cliff leaves. The inner office door opens and a well dressed women enters the main office and turns straight for the exit. CELESTE: [Imperiously] Don't get the wrong idea Mr Mars. I don't like you. Following her out of the office is Keith Mars, listening impassively as she walks away. She turns and notices Veronica for the first time. CELESTE: [To Keith, although staring disdainfully at Veronica] I hate the fact that I'm here [returning her attention to Keith] but I do know if anyone would be dogged and resourceful in this matter, it'll be you. Don't call me at home, I'll call you. And I'll need it right away. She casts another unpleasant look at Veronica then turns and marches out. Keith and Veronica look at each other. KEITH: [Quietly] Hi. He goes back into his office and closes the door. Veronica stares at the closed door for a moment then moves to the window to watch Celeste Kane get into her car and drive away. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Sure she's a bitch, but can you blame her. After all Dad did try to send her husband to jail for life. Cut to later. Keith and Veronica are in the main part of the office, sitting at the desk eating from plastic containers. KEITH: [Innocently] How's school? VERONICA: If you think we're going talk about my school day and not the fact that Celeste Kane was in your office ten minutes ago, you're deluded. KEITH: Um-hm. You making good grades? VERONICA: Kane's got something on the side, doesn't he? KEITH: [On a forkful of macaroni cheese] You know what? Say what you want about real cheese, I am a fan of the orange powder packet stuff. VERONICA: My grades are fine and I like the orange powder too but can we please talk about Mrs Kane. KEITH: [Giving in] Yes, she thinks he's seeing someone. Late nights, motel matches, the usual. VERONICA: Sexual appetite? KEITH: [Horrified then resigned to his daughter's understanding] Gone. VERONICA: Did you take the case? KEITH: Well, we need the money, Veronica VERONICA: Good, I would have been pissed if you hadn't. KEITH: Well, I wouldn't have cared if you were. Give me some of that apple. The phone rings. Veronica grabs it. KEITH: Aw don't� VERONICA: [Into the phone] Mars Investigations. Um-hm. Just a sec. [Hands over the phone, whispering] It's Andy. KEITH: Keith Mars. Yeah, how long ago. [Gesturing to Veronica for pen and paper] What's he driving? I'll get the 7:30 out of San Diego and I'll meet you by the thing by the fountain. Good work. Thanks. [Ends call. To Veronica] Our guy's on the move. Andy picked him up in El Paso. Another day and he'll probably try to cross the border so I gotta head out. VERONICA: You go. I'll have the flight booked by the time you get to the airport. Do you want a rental car in Texas? KEITH: Yeah, nothing fancy this time, Veronica. Seriously VERONICA: A Blazer is not fancy and we can bill it anyway. [Off his look] Fine, I'll get you a Crown Vic. Once a cop KEITH: Don't do anything on the Kane case, I'll handle it. VERONICA: OK KEITH: Given our relationship with that family, I just VERONICA: Fine, I said okay. KEITH: OK. If all goes well, I'll be back tomorrow night. If not, the night after. I'll call and I'll check in. VERONICA: You always do. KEITH: And Veronica. VERONICA: Yes KEITH: [Holding her head gently] When you go after Jake Kane, you take backup. VERONICA: I always do. Keith snorts, kisses Veronica on the forehead and exits. Veronica sits back and finishes her sandwich. VERONICA VOICEOVER: By the time Dad's plane landed in El Paso, I'd already picked up Jake Kane at his house and followed him to his office. Cut to Veronica watching a person in a large brightly lit office from her car. It's dark and a man is leaving the office. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Streaming video was invented and perfected here at Kane Software. The day the company went public, Jake Kane made a billion dollars. Everyone who worked for him in fact, right down to the secretarial pool, became millionaires. He's beloved here. Half the people in this town owe their fortunes to him. Cut to flashback. It's a sponsored car wash. Playing over the scene in the background is Grandmaster Melle Mel with "White Lines" . SONG: (Ooh White Lines) Vision dreams of passion (Blowin? through my mind) and all the while I think of you (Pipe cries) a very strange reaction (For us to unwind) the more I see, the more I do (Something like a phenomenon) Baby! (Tellin your body to come along, but white lines blow away) Lilly is washing a car with a long haired Veronica. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And I knew the family well. Jake's son, Duncan, was my first and only love. His daughter Lilly was my best friend. VERONICA: [Teasing] God Lilly, I see the Prozac's working. LILLY: [Happily] High on life, Veronica Mars. I've got a secret, a good one. CAR WASH ORGANISER: Girls, less talk, more scrub. LILLY: Later. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Those were the last words Lilly and I ever shared. Cut to flashing lights on top of a Sheriff's Department car. Keith, in Sheriff's uniform, heads into the Kane house while Veronica waits in the car. Duncan is sitting in the entrance, disconnected and rocking back and forth. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Later that night as I was driving home from picking up dinner with Dad, a call came in over the radio. All the dispatcher said was that there was a disturbance at the Kane estate. [Exiting the car] Dad gave me specific instructions to stay in the car but the moment I saw Duncan, I knew that this was more than a disturbance. VERONICA: [Kneeling before Duncan] What happened? Duncan, what happened? Duncan is completely unresponsive. Veronica looks around and then back at Duncan. VERONICA: Where's Lilly? Duncan reacts by looking distressed. Cut to Keith as he approaches the body of Lilly Kane, lying by a pool. Keith is saddened. Jake Kane, a sobbing Celeste Kane and a deputy, the man who subsequently replaces Keith as Sheriff, stand in the background. VERONICA VOICEOVER: But everyone knows this story. The murder of Lilly Kane. It was on the cover of People magazine. It made 'Entertainment Tonight'. The town flooded with journalists. Cut back to flashback Veronica and Duncan. VERONICA: Duncan, talk to me, please. Veronica gives up with Duncan and runs out to the pool where she is distressed to see Lilly. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And of course everyone remembers reading about the bungling local sheriff, the one who went after the wrong man. That bungling sheriff was my dad. Keith simultaneously holds her and forces her back. Cut to the present. Jake Kane makes his way between parked cars and up a floor of a motel. Veronica pulls up in front of the hotel and observes. VERONICA VOICEOVER: But if my dad wasn't right about Jake Kane then, it looks like Mrs Kane is right about him now. Not a lot of high powered business meetings taking place at the Camelot at one in the morning. Kane knocks on the door to room 6 and is let in. VERONICA VOICEOVER: They say the divorce rate is twice as high for parents who lose a child. Lose a child. Now there's a euphemism for you. Flashback to the school library where Veronica is using one of the computers. Near her are two boys staring at another screen. VERONICA VOICEOVER: That hardly takes into account the way she was found. VERONICA: What? You guys found a way to unlock the p0rn? COMPUTER GUY: It's the Lilly Kane video. How do you think that family feels? Veronica moves round to see the screen. Lilly's body is on the screen, head wound in full display. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Six weeks after Lilly Kane's death, someone from the Sheriff's Department leaked the crime scene video. Within 24 hours it was all over the net. Streaming video made it possible. Someone made a fortune while Dad took the blame. A distressed Veronica quickly leaves but runs straight into Logan. LOGAN: [Glassy eyed] So does your uh does your dad still think that Lilly's father did this? That's my girlfriend. Your friend. Duncan's sister. Your dad is destroying the Kane family. What's the matter with you people, huh? What's the matter with you? Cut to Keith and Lianne. She is packing cushions into large moving boxes while he follows her. KEITH: He did it Lianne. The man is a liar, nothing changes. Nothing adds up. Not his alibi. Not the sequence of events. Nothing. LIANNE: I don't care. It doesn't matter. [argument continues] VERONICA VOICEOVER: My dad's belief that Jake Kane was the murderer became a moot point. An emergency recall election removed him from office. Mom wanted to move out of Neptune. The camera pulls back to reveal Veronica, in hearing distance of the argument, sitting in front of a television on which commentary can be faintly heard in the background. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The loss of status, the loss of income was too much for her. We were gonna move all right, we couldn't afford our house. But Dad wasn't gonna to be run out of town and neither was I. On the television flashback Veronica is watching, there is a Breaking News story. A large man is being led in handcuffs by Keith's deputy, now the Sheriff. TV: our own Jennifer Stevens VERONICA: Dad, come here. TV: The Neptune's Sheriff's Department reacted KEITH: [Joining her in front of the television] Hey, I'm sorry honey. Me and your mom, we're going to work this out, okay. TV: Abel Koontz, a disgruntled former Kane Software employee. Koontz, a software designer, was fired during the development stage of Kane Software's streaming video project. Shoes and a backpack belonging to the deceased were discovered on Koontz's houseboat by Sheriff Don Lamb, who said- Keith switches off the television. The flashback ends as Veronica continues to observe Room 6 of the Camelot hotel. The sound of motorcycles fills the air and she is soon surrounded by the bikers. VERONICA: Well, this can't be good. Weevil gestures for her to roll down her window. WEEVIL: Car trouble, miss? VERONICA: Yeah, as a matter of fact. I think it might be a loose belt but if you wouldn't mind checking under the hood. SCARY BIKER: [Approaching the car] Hey Weevil, who gets the first danc- Veronica's pit bull jumps out of the window of the back seat of the car, jaws fastening onto the biker's arm and bringing him down. SCARY BIKER: Get him off me! Get him off me, get him off me! Felix comes round from the front of the car, threatening. FELIX: Girl, you best call off your dog. Veronica tasers him in the centre of his chest and he goes down. Weevil is not impressed with the state of his troops. VERONICA: Backup, chill. [Backup lets go of Scary Biker. To Weevil] I'll tell you what. We'll call it a draw. WEEVIL: Baby, come on, it's too late for that. VERONICA: Here's the deal. Leave that kid at school alone for a week and I'll make sure your boys walk. WEEVIL: Why you care so much for that skinny negro anyway. Things I heard about you, you must really lay the pipe right, huh. VERONICA: Yeah, that's it. Felix claws his way back up to Veronica's open window and is shown sight of the charged taser. WEEVIL: All right, all right, all right � Felix, we get it, you're a badass, okay. But for once don't be stupid. [Felix backs off, somewhat grateful] VERONICA: Not bad advice. WEEVIL: All right, one week. After that, we come for you, your boy and your little dog too. VERONICA: [To a growling dog] Backup, be cool. WEEVIL: You get lonely out here remember, Weevil love you long time. [Smacks kisses] Veronica gives him the thumbs up as the bikers leave. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Quite a reputation I've got, huh. You wanna know how I lost my virginity? So do I. Flashback to a party. The music is "Give You More" by Taxi Doll. SONG: I wanna give another little thing a try A little something that has finally caught my eye I'll move it so you'll see it feels just like a crawl And then I'll know exactly how you're gonna fall I know what you're wanting I know what you're needing I know what you're wanting I want to give you more just like that, yeah I'm gonna give you more I'm gonna give you more I'm gonna give you more And I won't let you down when move it around I'm gonna give you more I'm gonna give you more I'm gonna give you more Get your feet off the ground, gonna turn it around, yeah. Couples are eating each other, drinking and otherwise being appropriately debauched as Veronica wanders through, being snubbed by one and all. Logan is there, as is Duncan. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I went to a party at Shelley Pomeroy's just to show everyone their whispers and backstabbing didn't affect me. It was a mistake. I don't know who handed me the drink. I wish I did. It turns out it was your basic rum, coke and roofie. Veronica drinks from a plastic pint. The music abruptly changes to Death in Vegas' "Girls". The focus changes as she moves unsteadily out to the Jacuzzi and collapses onto a sunlounger. The scene blacks out and when Veronica comes to, she is on a bed, partially covered by the bedding. She is still wearing her white party dress but her panties are on the floor. She cries silently and the scene merges into one of her walking barefoot down the street in the dawn. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I never told my dad. I'm not sure what he would have done with that information but no good would have come of it. And what does it matter. I'm no longer that girl. Cut to the present. Jake Kane leaves the motel room turning back to have a few last words with its occupant. VERONICA: [Training a camera on him] All right lady, let's see ya. Veronica takes pictures but only a woman's hand can be seen on the door. Cut to day, at the High School. Veronica is walking across the car park. LOGAN: There's Veronica. Logan's bright yellow SUV pulls up next to and keeps pace with Veronica. Logan is driving, Duncan is in the passenger's seat and a couple of other guys are in the back. LOGAN: Hey Ronnie. Hey, we've decided that we'd, uh, we'd rather surf than study today, you wanna come with? Duncan will promise to take his shirt off. Does that sweeten the pot? [Looks back at his appreciative audience in the rear] Does it make you horny? Hey DK, flex for your ex. DUNCAN: [Unamused] Shut up, Logan LOGAN: All right, all right. Hey, hey, hey. [Veronica and the car stop as Logan pulls out a hipflask] What do you say to a little hootch, huh? What's the matter, aren't you your mother's daughter? Hmm? Now there was a woman who could drink. Hey, what's she up to nowadays, maybe she'll join us. Do you know where she is? Any clue? Duncan's had enough and grabs Logan by the shoulder. DUNCAN: Leave her alone, man LOGAN: Ooh, chill pill, man. All right. Aw, she used to be fun, man. Bye. Logan floors it and races off. Veronica watches. VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's been eight months since I've seen my mother. Flashback to Veronica in bed. She gets up and sees a music box with a note attached. VERONICA VOICEOVER: A month after Dad lost his job, Mom split for good. All she left me was a unicorn music box and a note saying she would be back for me someday. The note reads: Veronica, I have to leave for a while. I'll be back for you. Love always, Mom. Veronica crumples the note and throws it in the rubbish following it swiftly with the box. Cut to the present. Veronica heads for her lunch table. Wallace is already there. Veronica sits and digs out an apple and a notebook. WALLACE: Girl, you should hear what people say about you. VERONICA: So then what are you doing sitting here? WALLACE: You sat next to me. VERONICA: This is my table. WALLACE: And what a fine table it is. What do you suppose this is made of? Oak? VERONICA: Look, if people are saying such awful things WALLACE: Well, I figure I've got a choice. I can either hang out with the punks who laughed at me, took pictures of me while I was taped to that flagpole or I can hang out with the chick who cut me down. VERONICA: So you want to get the PCH Biker Club off your ass? Wallace nods and Veronica laughs. Cut to the school's ceramics class. Veronica and Wallace are at the table of another student. He is looking through a notebook. CORNY: This is so twisted. I love it. VERONICA: Well can you do it 'cos we need it fast. CORNY: Oh hell yeah, for you, oh anything. I'll even throw in the glazing gratis. VERONICA: Go to town. Thanks Corny. Veronica and Wallace leave. The Street's "Weak Becomes Heroes" starts up. SONG: Turn left up the street Nothing but grey concrete and dead beats We were just standing there minding our own And it went on and on We all smile, we all sing The weak become heroes then the stars align. We all sing We all sing Sing The night slowly fades and goes slow motion All the commotion becomes floating emotions Same piano loops over Dizzy new heights blinded by the lights These people are for life It's all back to his place at the end of the night, yo We were just standing there minding our own And it went on and on We all smile, we all sing The weak become heroes then the stars align. Corny continues to flick through the notebook. CORNY: Oh my god! Cut to Veronica's room. A board on the wall, covered in surveillance photos, computer discs and post-it notes. Veronica is sitting at a low table, using a laptop. VERONICA VOICEOVER: While Corny did his thing, I downloaded the pictures from the Camelot. Every girl's gotta have a hobby. Photography's mine. Veronica pulls up a picture of a man (not Kane?) and a licence plate and prints it off. She pins it onto her board. Cut to Veronica at a small table in the kitchen of the apartment, working. Keith enters, drops his bags, looks at her and sighs loudly. VERONICA: [Impatiently] And? KEITH: [Outstretching arms] Who's your daddy? VERONICA: Ack. I hate it when you say that. KEITH: You know what, this is important. You remember this. I used to be cool! VERONICA: [Sceptical] When? KEITH: '77. Trans Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, a foxy stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Now wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything, I was never cool. VERONICA: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked". KEITH: [Producing cheque] I nailed our bail jumper one hundred yards from Me-i-co, [handing cheque to Veronica] twenty five hundred bucks. No sack dinners tonight. Tonight, [starting a shuffle] we eat, like the lower middle class to which we aspire. Fire up the 'bachie. [Shuffles off right, singing] Ya-pa-ba-pa-ba, bom-pa-da-bompa, ba-bop. [Pops head back round] For real, steaks. Veronica laughs. Cut to later. Keith is grilling steaks on a barbeque on the roof outside the apartment. Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" plays. SONG: All our times have come Here but now they're gone Seasons don't fear the reaper Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain We can be like they are Come on baby Don't fear the reaper Baby take my hand Don't fear the reaper We'll be able to fly Don't fear the reaper Baby I'm your man La, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la. Keith grooves as he cooks. VERONICA: So Jake Kane went to the Camelot last night and hooked up with some hussy. KEITH: Didn't I say something about you not involved in that? VERONICA: I remember you saying something about taking Backup. KEITH: You get pictures? VERONICA: No money shot, the woman in question never stepped foot outside but I did get pictures of licence plates. I figured you could run them. KEITH: Let me see 'em. Veronica hand over the photo she printed off. Keith turns away from Veronica to examine it. He is shocked at what he sees. He crumples the photo. KEITH: [Firmly] You stay away from Jake Kane. [Tosses photo down] I don't want you doing anything else on this case. We're gonna drop it anyway. I'm gonna let his wife know. VERONICA: [Perplexed] What? We're dropping the case? Why? What's wrong? Who is it? Why don't you just tell me? KEITH: Veronica. No. It's done, it's over with. Just stay away from him. Cut to Veronica in her car observing a body shop. The naked female kind. [SCENE_BREAK] VERONICA VOICEOVER: I had another case to occupy my brain. Loretta Cancoon says the Seventh Veil has an interesting way of keeping their liquor licence. This was phase one of my plan to save Wallace. Phase two would begin the next day. Veronica trains her camcorder on the Seventh Veil. Cut to day and the school. Veronica and Wallace enter and run up some stairs. VERONICA: Let's go. WALLACE: Hey, FloJo, slow your ass down. Veronica pauses at the top and holds Wallace back to observe Logan, who is in the process of a locker search by the Vice Principal and the deputy (without Buster). LOGAN: [Opening the locker and stepping back.] There you go. From inside the locker can be seen a bong in the form of a cherub. CLEMMONS: [Reaching for the bong] Well, what's this Logan? This would appear to be a device they use to smoke marijuana. LOGAN: [Amazed] That's exactly what it looks like. CLEMMONS: Back to the office. Come on. GUY IN HALL: Oh man, Logan's busted. LOGAN: [Spots Veronica and points] It was you? [Veronica does a 'Who me?' gesture] Listen, I know it was you. This isn't over, okay. Veronica exaggerates a yawn. CLEMMONS: Hey. LOGAN: [Still pointing aggressively] You're so cute. Listen, I'll get you for this. CLEMMONS: [Pushing Logan along] Let's go. LOGAN: I will. CLEMMONS: Come on, let's go. Corny watches and then walks on, congratulating Veronica as he goes. Strains of Miriam Makeba's "Pata Pata" can be heard. CORNY: Eeee, solid. WALLACE: You're right, that was funny. VERONICA: Meet me at my car after school. Let's see if you've done your part. SONG: Saguguka sathi beka (Nantsi, pata pata) Saguguka sathi beka (Yiyo, pata pata) Yi yo mama yiyo mama (Nantsi, pata pata) Yi yo mama yiyo mama (Yiyo, pata pata) Saguguka sathi beka (Nantsi, pata pata) Saguguka sathi beka (Yiyo, pata pata) Yi yo mama yiyo mama (Nantsi, pata pata) Cut to the outside of the Sheriff's Department. Veronica and Wallace are sitting in the car. Wallace is clutching the control unit of his model airplane. VERONICA VOICEOVER: After school, I drove Wallace to the Sheriff's Department. This was phase three. WALLACE: You know, we could get into a lot of trouble for this. VERONICA: [Reaching for the control unit] Give it here. WALLACE: [Shaking her off] Wait. I'm gonna do it. I just thought one of us should state the obvious. Wallace hits one of the controls. It clicks. Cut to the bong in the police evidence room. It sparks and begins to smoke. Cut to Inga who smells something. Cut to the grill over the door to the evidence room with smoke pouring out. Cut to Wallace. WALLACE: I wonder if it worked. Cut back to Inga. She sees the smoke. INGA: Ach, du lieber Gott. Ein feuer! Cut to racing fire engine which pulls up in front of the Sheriff's Department. Veronica and Wallace watch, flushed with success. VERONICA: It worked. Cut to firemen entering the evidence room. Extinguisher sounds. Cut to the fire station where a couple of firemen are setting up barbells. Veronica enters the station. VERONICA: Hey Adam, hey Eddie, is the Chief around? The Chief is coming up behind her. He has a large envelope in his hand. PHIL: Well if it isn't Smokey the Barely Legal. VERONICA: I saw you in action today Phil. You were very brave. Did you make the switch? PHIL: [Handing over the envelope] Fait accompli. VERONICA: [Softly] Thank you. Cut to Mars Investigations. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Plenty of people in this town still love Dad. That comes in handy sometimes. [Enlarging the licence plate on the Camelot picture] Other times you rely on your own devices. Veronica enlarges the Camelot picture on her laptop and focuses on the licence plate. She picks up the phone and dials. VOICE ON TELEPHONE: San Juan Capistrano PD. VERONICA: [Adopting Inga's accent] Tony, it's Inga. Ahh, guess what? Our computers is down again. TONY: Inga. Upgrade already, this must be the tenth time. VERONICA: You preach to the choir, Tony. Listen, we had a hit and run last night. Victim got the plates but we need someone to run them. TONY: No problem. Hit me. VERONICA: Arizona-Four-Victor-Golf-Zero-Zero-Zero. TONY: Well, I'll be damned. Some families. VERONICA: What is it? TONY: That car is registered to one Lianne Mars. Veronica lets the mouthpiece drop away from her mouth. She is slowly replacing the receiver when Keith enters from his office. KEITH: Bored. [Leaning against the doorjamb] Call it a day, maybe catch a movie or something? VERONICA: Explain to me again why we're dropping the Kane case. KEITH: [Uncomfortably and not looking at Veronica] Look. I um I did run those plates and uh it's what I thought, corporate espionage stuff. [Veronica sags behind him] It's dangerous. We don't get paid enough. So Let's just drop it okay? VERONICA: 'Kay KEITH: Movie? VERONICA: Can't. Veronica grabs her stuff and leaves before Keith turns around. KEITH: Well maybe we can rent something. Uh, what are you what are you in the mood f- Keith sees the door close. Cut to inside the Sheriff's Department. Veronica approaches Inga's counter. INGA: Veronica! Ach, little Veronica, how are you? How's your father. VERONICA: Fine, Inga, we're both fine. INGA: I haven't seen you since [realisation hits] since VERONICA: [Brusquely] Been a while. Can you tell me where the Cortez-Win prelim is? INGA: Courtroom three. VERONICA: Thanks. [Heads out] VERONICA VOICEOVER: The last time I was here. Come on, Inga. That's easy. Cut to Veronica in her white party dress after her rape. She slowly mounts the steps to the Sheriff's Department. She approaches Inga's desk, clearly distressed. INGA: Veronica! What happened to you? VERONICA: I need to report a crime. Cut to a derisive Sheriff Lamb in his office. Veronica sits on the other side of his desk. SHERIFF LAMB: [Sarcastically] Is there anyone in particular you'd like me to arrest or should I just round up the sons of the most important families in town? [Veronica can't believe his response] I've got not a shred of evidence to work with here but that really doesn't matter to your family, now does it. [Veronica can't hold back a tear] Ummm...Look at this. She cries. [Leans back in his chair] I'll tell you what Veronica Mars, why don't you go see the wizard. Ask for a little back bone. Cut immediately to present day scene of Lamb giving evidence. SHERIFF LAMB: When we find 'em, they've still got twenty bottles stuffed in their pockets. [Pauses as he sees Veronica enter the court. He is taken aback] They say they bought the beers but we've got it all on tape, so PROSECUTOR: Your Honour, can we show the tape? JUDGE: Let's see it. SHERIFF LAMB: All right, what you're gonna see here are the two defendants over there. The defendants are Hector and the Asian Biker from the Sac-n-Pac. They are being represented by Cliff. SHERIFF LAMB: They enter and The video is not from the Sac-n-Pac. It is from the Seventh Veil where one of the Sheriff's Deputies is escorting one of the strippers from the club to his vehicle. JUDGE: What are we seeing here, Sheriff? SHERIFF LAMB: Uh, Your Honour, I JUDGE: Sheriff Lamb, is this one of your officers? Is this how you run your department? Lamb is uncomfortable, Veronica amused. The courtroom gives a collective gasp as the stripper heads down to the deputy's lap. Lamb is frantically trying to figure out what's going on. CLIFF: Ahh, Your Honour, is this an appropriate time to for a dismissal in People v Loretta Cancoon. Lamb looks up. Veronica fashions a gun with forefinger and thumb and nails him with a verbal 'Tsk'. "Atomic Girl" by the Wannabes powers in. Lamb gets it, as does Cliff who is appreciative. Veronica leaves. JUDGE: Counsel. Lamb stares after her. He is not a happy bunny. Cut to Veronica pulling up at the beach. SONG: Hello, Atomic Girl, your signal's getting weak The world is suffocating fast [Indecipherable line] There's been a problem You're so much stronger You're lonely by yourself Just waiting to be found Wallace is flying his plane. She has the envelope from Fire Chief Phil and joins him. VERONICA: Got a present for you. Veronica hands the envelope to Wallace. He open it and pulls out a video. He gives a huge sigh of relief as he replaces it in the envelope. WALLACE: I owe you big time. VERONICA: I had my own reasons for doing it, trust me. WALLACE: Oh no you don't. You really think I'm gonna let you get away with that? That might play with the masses. But underneath that angry young women shell, there's a slightly less angry young woman who's just dying to bake me something. You're a marshmallow, Veronica Mars, a twinkie. Veronica laughs softly. Later, still on the beach, Veronica has the plane controls. VERONICA: OK, how do I make it loop the loop? Wallace is distracted by something he can see in the distance. WALLACE: Uh, Veronica? VERONICA: Yeah. WALLACE: Your car. Veronica looks and hands the controls back to Wallace. She heads for her car. Logan is lying on the bonnet, a tyre iron in his hands. Three other guys are standing around. Next to Veronica's car is another SUV. Veronica stops in front of her car. Wallace races up behind her. LOGAN: Hey, Veronica Mars. [Jumping off the car] Do you know what your little joke cost me? VERONICA: Well, I'm pretty sure you won't be getting your bong back. Logan swings the tyre iron and takes out a headlight. Veronica flinches. LOGAN: [Twirling the tyre iron] Wrong answer. Would you care to guess again? VERONICA: Clearly your sense of humour. Logan takes out the other headlight. LOGAN: Nope. You're usually so good at pop quizzes. The correct answer is my car. That's right. My Daddy took my T-Bird away. And you know what I won't be having. Fun, fun, fun. Logan has moved to stand directly in front of Veronica and doesn't notice the sound of motorbike engines pulling up. LOGAN LACKEY: Uh-uh, Logan. Weevil and co. pull up to the scene. Logan finally notices and turns around. Weevil gets off his bike as Logan heads towards him. WEEVIL: What do we have here? Vandalism? No, no no. Only vandalism that happens in this town goes through me. LOGAN: Listen man, I don't have a problem with you. WEEVIL: That's where you're wrong. They stare at each other. In the meantime Felix has pulled himself onto the running strip of the SUV and leaned in to pick out a CD. FELIX: Hey yo. Is this O-Town any good? I mean my little sister likes it but you know, she likes ponies and juice boxes too. [The bikers laugh.] WALLACE: I suddenly feel like I'm in a scene from 'The Outsiders'. VERONICA: Be cool, Sodapop. Weevil has relieved Logan of the tyre iron and heads for the SUV. LOGAN LACKEY: Hey that's not his car, that's my mom's car. WEEVIL: She can bill me. Weevil hits the SUV in the middle of the bonnet, hard. He takes out one of the headlights and then goes for the bonnet a couple times more. Everyone watches, the Loganites in horror, the biker in glee. WEEVIL: That's it. [Hands the tyre iron to Logan Lackey] Head for the hills. I'm not gonna say it twice. Logan's crowd heads for the SUV. WEEVIL: [Pointing to Logan] Except for you. You, say you're sorry. LOGAN: [Chuckles] Rub a lamp. [Winks] Weevil punches him in the stomach. Logan goes down. Veronica looks uncomfortable. WEEVIL: I said, say you're sorry. Logan gets back up and faces Weevil again. LOGAN: [Deliberately] Kiss my ass. Weevil throws a punch to Logan's face. He goes down again. Weevil laughs. Logan gets up again, blood coming from his nose. He is not going to apologise. WEEVIL: Now VERONICA: Let him go. WEEVIL: Are you sure? I could do this for a while. VERONICA: I don't want his apology. Logan heads for the SUV. WEEVIL: So that, uh, surveillance tape just poof? VERONICA: That's fortunate. Logan and friends drive off with the bikers encouragement. WEEVIL: My uncle has a body shop on the highway. If you come in, you know, I can make sure your body gets the full service treatment. VERONICA: OK, now you apologise. WEEVIL: I'm sorry, w-was that too dirty, 'cause VERONICA: Not to me dork. To him [indicating Wallace]. WEEVIL: Right. No. VERONICA: Fine. He has the only copy of the Sac-n-Pac video. Wallace, let's go decide what to do with it. WEEVIL: OK. Wait, wait, wait, look, look. I'm sorry man, umm, for, you know, taping you to the the flagpole, I'm sorry. WALLACE: All right. WEEVIL: Can I have the tape back now? WALLACE: No. Veronica laughs and she and Wallace get in her car as Weevil looks on. Cut to night. The music is "Butterflies" by David Garza. SONG: Speaking of the truth, I like to hear that once in a while And I'll even listen to all your vanity Utter lies are like butterflies They just both die in a couple of days Show me all your proof, put it right in front of my eyes And I'll even listen to all your vanity Utter lies are like butterflies They just both die in a couple of days. Veronica is driving. VERONICA VOICEOVER: This morning when I woke up, I had one person in the world I could count on. But if there's something I've learned in this business, the people you love let you down. Veronica has pulled up outside Mars Investigations and watches her father leave the office. She heads in once it's clear and goes into Keith's office. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Dad doesn't think I know where he keeps the combination to the safe. He's wrong. Of course, I've never needed to use it. [Opens safe and pulls out a large file.] Oh my god, the Lilly Kane murder file. What's Dad been up to? Some of these notes are less than a month old. The confessed killer is already on death row but Dad still hasn't given up on the case. My surveillance photo from the Camelot, why is it in the Lilly Kane file? What was Mom doing there and what business did she have with Jake Kane. And the million dollar question, why did Dad lie to me? Veronica is now sitting at the desk in the main office, pondering. Keith enters. KEITH: What are you doing back here? I saw the light. VERONICA: I forgot a few of my books. KEITH: It's up and at 'em, Atom Ant, come on. It's family fun night. I called out to Mama Leone's, I rented 'The South Park Movie'. VERONICA: My favourite. KEITH: Hey, who's your Daddy? VERONICA: [Smiling] You are. Uh, I have to make a stop, so meet you at home? KEITH: OK. But hurry up. I worry about you. VERONICA: [Kissing her father] Yeah, you do. She leaves. Keith looks over to the desk. The unicorn music box is open and playing on the desk. He looks sad and pensive. VERONICA VOICEOVER: OK, so he lied to me. But I've got to believe he has his reasons. He's probably trying to protect me. That's what dads do. [Cut to Veronica driving.] Still, I've got too many questions swirling about in my head to wait until he's willing to share. These questions need answers. That's what I do. Cut to Veronica's hand, knocking on the door of Room 6 at the Camelot. There is no answer. Camera pulls back as Veronica gazes out over the motel balcony. VERONICA VOICEOVER: OK, it's a long shot but I can't help myself. I used to think I knew what tore our family apart. Now I'm sure I don't. But I promise this. I will find out what really happened and I will bring this family back together again. I'm sorry, is that mushy? Well, you know what they say. Veronica Mars, she's a marshmallow.
doc_250	Act 1 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa Fade in. Niles is sitting at a table, Frasier is ordering at the counter. Frasier: Cranberry muffin, please. And, uh... a vanilla latte. Niles: Oh, dear, comfort food. What happened? Frasier sits. Frasier: Niles? Do you think I'm elitist? Niles: Of course I do. You needn't worry about that. Frasier: No, not in the good way. At work today, I discovered an injurious graffito about me. Scrawled on the men's room wall. Niles: No. Frasier pulls a piece of toilet paper from his pocket to read from. Frasier: Yes. Quote: There once was a man, Frasier Crane, Who says he can feel your pain. But he acts like a snob, To the guys at his job, And I think he's totally lame. Niles: That's terrible! There's a tense shift, an approximate rhyme, the scansion leaves a lot to be desired... Frasier: Niles, you're missing the point! I have always striven to be approachable, the embodiment of the words "If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue..." Niles: "Or walk with kings, nor lose the common touch." Frasier: Exactly! The waiter brings Frasier's coffee and muffin. Frasier: Thank you. If maligner truly knew who I was, he'd have found that a more apt characterization than "snob." Niles: Assuming he's familiar with Kipling. They snicker. Frasier: What are the odds? Roz stops in the doorway to kiss her boyfriend goodbye before he heads off. Frasier: Well, Roz. I'd ask you to join us, but I see you've already had happy hour. Well, here, please, join us. They rise and make room for her and they all sit. Frasier: So? Roz: Well, his name is Roger, and we've been kinda goin' out for the last couple of weeks. Frasier: All right, tell us about him. Roz: He's very sweet - and he's a garbage man, so go ahead and make your jokes. Frasier: What jokes? Why does everyone assume I look down on the common man? Niles: Oh, I've got a good one: So, even in his off time, he's taking out the trash. Roz laughs along with him. Frasier: Technically, that's really more about Roz. Now if I were to make a joke about him, which of course I wouldn't, I'd say he has a thing for Roz's can. Roz: You two finished? They nod as she gets up. Roz: And don't worry, I won't get dumped. She turns and goes to the counter. Niles: I'd already passed on that. Frasier: Yes, it's a bit on the nose. They laugh. FADE OUT. HE KICKED SPASSKY'S BUTT IN REYKJAVIK Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Daphne and Martin are in the living room, going through boxes. Niles comes in the front door. Niles: Dad, Daphne. Daphne: Hey. [she holds up a photo] Look what your father found: a picture of you in a teddy bear costume. Niles: Why do you have all this out? Martin: Well, I was makin' room in the storage closet and I found some of your old stuff. Niles: What else is in here? Martin: Well, here's your cap and your blazer from Bryce academy. Niles sits next to Daphne. Daphne: Oh, I bet you were the cutest thing in that. Niles: Oh, well, here's a picture of me in it. Daphne: [a bit flat] Oh. Niles: [picking up a plaque] Oh, oh, oh, oh. Bobby Fisher's autograph. Martin: Well, son, it's been enough years, I can probably tell you the truth about that. Niles: [holding the plaque to his chest proudly] What? Martin: [covering] Oh, look! A picture of you in your first little league uniform. [wistfully] Don't know why I said "first." Daphne: [taking it] Was that your game face? Niles: Oh, no, no. I'd just lost a tooth to an errant pitch. Martin: Tell her who was pitchin'. Niles: I was. Daphne puts her arm around him to comfort him and kisses his cheek. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - KACL Fade in. Frasier is sitting at his desk, Roz comes in with a bouquet. Frasier: Flowers from your new beau? Roz: Yeah. She carries them over to her side. Frasier: Must be nice to be liked. Roz: [coming back] Are you still obsessing over that limerick? Frasier: People are making additions. Good lord, I've read anthologies with fewer contributing authors. Roz: I'm sure they'll all wash right off. Frasier: If only there were a solvent that could remove the stains they've left on my spirit. Roz heads back to her side. Roz: It was a joke. What's the big deal? Frasier: [following] Oh, yes, I know. Being written up on the bathroom wall is no big deal to you. But that limerick made a point, as all good limericks do. It seems to have resonated with everyone around here. I want these people to know the real Frasier Crane. Roz: Wouldn't it be better if you tried to make them like you? Frasier: Yes. And to that end I was thinking along the lines of... oh, say a little party. For the entire staff, at my place. Hey, you could bring Roger! Roz: Thanks. But I think it's a little too soon. I don't want to put any pressure on him. Frasier: Oh, come on, Roz. You're always saying you don't have a date for these things. Roz: There's gonna be a lotta radio talk, and I'm not sure he's gonna be that comfortable with this crowd. Frasier: Who is? Come on, Roz, I'd like to meet him. Roz: I don't know. Maybe next party. Frasier: Does this have anything to do with his occupation, you know, his being a refuse collector? Roz: No, I am completely comfortable with his job. I just don't want him to feel awkward around other people. Frasier: Okay. Roz: Not that he should. Or would. Frasier: Yes, all right, fine, fine. If you change your mind, he's more than welcome. It promises to be a real wing-ding. If being a snob is the reputation I've built around here, then this party will be the wrecking ball of congeniality that tears it down. Roz: Yeah, say stuff like that. Getting her point, he smirks and heads back to his side. FADE OUT. Scene 4 - Roz's Apartment Fade in. Roger comes in the front, carrying Alice and roller blades. [N.B. The first appearance of Ashley Thomas as Alice May Doyle.] Roger: Say "Come on, Mom." Alice: Come on, Mom. Roger: Say "Don't be a wuss." Alice: Don't be a wuss. Roz comes in. Roz: I'm not a wuss. Roger puts Alice down and collapses next to her. Roger: Ohh, I know you said you were gonna make dinner, but why not just open a can of something? Roz: How'd you think I was gonna make dinner? Alice, go pick out some PJs. Roger: [pulling a book from his backpack] When you're ready, I've got a special book for you. It's called "Make Room for Monkeys." Now hurry up, get outta here, go on. Alice hurries off. Roz picks the book up and sits down. Roz: "Make Room for Monkeys"? Where did you find this? You know it's out of print. Roger: Yeah, well, a certain very bad skater told me it was her favorite book when she was growing up, so I kept my eyes open and I found it in a pile of old books. Roz: [nervously] You mean like at the dump? Roger: No, not a dump! Please, it's a secret underground landfill accessible only to garbage men. And the Mole People who live there. I used to be one of them, but then I decided to join the surface dwellers and find my queen. Roz kisses him and leans against him. Roz: Thank you. That's very thoughtful. Roger: And you will make an excellent Mole Queen. Of course, after a year underground, your eyes will fuse shut. Your sense of smell will stick around... Roz: Okay, stop, stop, stop. Do you joke around about your career because you're uncomfortable talking about it? Roger: You mean deeply and utterly ashamed? Roz: Whatever, your words. Roger: I don't know, I've never really thought about it as a career. I mean, it's just a job to me. You know, it's got great benefits, and afternoons off and... when I have a family, I'll get to spend a lot of time with them. How sweet will that be? Roz: Would you like to go to a party with me on Saturday? Roger: I'd love to. I found a great pair of shoes this morning. They damn near match. She slaps him playfully and leans back against him. FADE OUT. Scene 5 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. The staff of KACL is at the party and Frasier is greeting newcomers at the door. Frasier: Good to see you, glad you could come, make yourselves at home. Martin comes over. Martin: Hey, Fras, why don't you introduce me some of your friends? Frasier: I wish I could, Dad. I don't know any of these people myself. Martin: You don't? I better go hide my beer in the crisper. He heads to the kitchen as one of the employees walks up. Jason: Hey, Frasier, thanks for inviting me to your party. Frasier: Well, it's my pleasure... man. Jason: Did you see the game today? Frasier: Actually, I did not. Jason: Aw, man, it was a real squeaker. U-Dub pulled it out at the end with a last minute field goal. It's all about special teams, am I right? Frasier: Ah, right. You know, I think they prefer the term "challenged." The employee looks confused as Frasier notices Roz at the door. Frasier: Roz, Roz! Come on in, Good to see you. And you must be Roger. Roger: Yeah. Frasier: Lovely to meet you. Roger: Hey, Jason. Frasier: Right. Jason, this is Roger. Yeah, the ol' J-man here and I were just shootin' the breeze, ya know. This guy. Okay, so enjoy yourself there. [He turns to Roz as Jason heads away.] So, Roz um... Roger, do you suppose I could borrow Roz for just one minute? Roger: Yeah. Frasier: Thank you so much. He pulls Roz aside. Frasier: Roz, please, don't leave me alone here, I don't know any of these people's names. Roz: Frasier, I can't leave Roger alone in a room full of nosey strangers. Frasier: Oh, look, look, he's already met Dad. He knows as many people as I do. Roz: I'm sorry. You're gonna have to find yourself another patsy. She walks away. Frasier: Well where the hell am I supposed to find another... [noticing] ...Kenny! CUT TO: Roz as she walks by Martin's chair. Noel is sitting in it and gets up. Noel: Hey Roz! Lookin' su-weet! Roz: Hey, Noel. Noel: So, that's the competition? Or, are you just using him to make me jealous? Roz: Actually, I forgot you were gonna be here. Noel: I'll bet you regret bringing the arm candy now. So, uh, what's he do? Roz: He... works for the city. Noel: So, in a manner of speaking, I pay his salary. Which makes me his boss. Does that turn you on? Roz turns away with a very disturbed look. She goes up to Roger. Roz: Roger, would you like something to drink? Roger: Yeah, I'll come with you. Nice meeting you, Martin. They head for the drinks table and meet up with another worker, Cheryl. Cheryl: Hey, Roz. Roz: Hey, Cheryl. Cheryl: Introduce me to your friend. Roz: Roger, this is Cheryl. Roger: Hey, Cheryl, how you doing? Cheryl: Hi, nice to meet you. I think I know you from somewhere. Roger: Yeah? Maybe I work in your neighborhood. Cheryl: Oh, what do you do? Roz: What doesn't he do? He sends me flowers and gives me massages and he's just great. Cheryl: Really? You know she has a kid, right? Roz: Okay, Cheryl! Cheryl takes the hint and walks away. Roger: So, uh, why didn't you tell her what I do? Roz: And have her stalking you at work? I don't think so. CUT TO: Frasier talking to some guests, Dennis and Emily. Emily is a bit overweight. Kenny is behind him, whispering names. Dennis: Great party, Frasier. Frasier: Thanks. Glad you could come... Kenny: Dennis. Frasier: Dennis. You too... Kenny: Emily. Frasier: Emily. Say, when are you expecting? Kenny: NNNOOO! Frasier: ...this weather to change? CUT TO: Noel meeting up with Roger. Noel: Well, you're not the first rustler who's tried to cut my filly from the herd. Roger looks very confused. CUT TO: Frasier talking to Dennis and Emily. Frasier: So, did you guys happen to see the game today? Dennis: No, I missed that. Who won? Martin walks up behind him. Frasier: Actually, it was a real squeaker. U-Dub pulled it out at the last second with a real clutch field goal. Say Dad, what's goin' on? Martin: I don't know. CUT TO: Kenny talking to Roger. Kenny: Yeah, the station manager's sort of the head honcho. You know, the go-to guy. You could replace virtually everybody at the station except for me. [he notices Roz behind him] And Roz! So, uh, what do you do? Roger: I'm a... Roz: Roger, could you please get me a sandwich? Roger: Yeah, okay. Kenny: So I take it handsome's not in the biz, huh? So, what's he do? Roz: What difference does it make Kenny? Why are people so obsessed with what you do? Every party you ever go to, all anyone ever asks you is "What do you do?" "What do you do?" Roger returns behind her. Roz: You know, not everyone has a job they're proud of, did you ever think of that? Why can't you ask him about music or sports or books, for God's sake. "Have you read a good book, lately?" Why don't you ask him that instead of embarrassing everybody. Roger: Here's your sandwich, Roz. Kenny: So, have you read any good books lately? Roger: No, actually, us garbage men don't have a lot of time to read books. We've gotta get up pretty early in the morning, so I guess I'd better get out of here. Bye, Roz. He heads for the door. Roger: Hey, Frasier, thanks a lot. Frasier: Right. Roger: It was really nice meeting everyone. He heads out. Frasier: [calling] Goodbye. Kenny: [whispering] Roger! Frasier: I know that. [SCENE_BREAK] End of Act 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Act 2 Scene 1 - KACL Fade in. Roz is at her desk, Frasier in the hallway behind her. Dennis: Hey! Crane man! Frasier: Dennis, Lisa. Hi. Patty, lookin' good. He chuckles as he comes in and closes the door. Frasier: Kill me. Roz: What are you talking about? You're Mr. Popularity. Frasier: Yes. And it's a living hell. I have spent the entire morning exchanging fake pleasantries with a bunch of people that I have absolutely nothing in common with. I miss being unapproachable. Roz: I thought you wanted to be loved by the common man. Frasier: Yes, but couldn't they have sent just one representative? He heads for his side of the booth. Roz follows, but stops to stare out the window at a janitor emptying a waste basket. Frasier: Roz? Roz: I'm sorry. Ever since Roger and I broke up, I can't look at trash the same way. Frasier: Do you want to talk about it? Roz: No, it's okay. It's just so weird. You go through life meeting people who are all the same, you know. And they just think you're the same, too. And then one day, you meet this guy, but he's not the same, because he actually sees that you're not the same. And he knows, because he's the same way. Frasier: Roz, sounds to me like you're in love. Roz: I can't be. I know this is shallow and I hate myself for it, but I can't be in love with a garbage man. Frasier: Well, then, you need to move on and realize that you've learned something about yourself. Roz: Great. I learned that I'm a snob. Frasier: No, no. Just that you have certain standards that it may be difficult for others to live up to. You know, Roz, it seems you and I are more alike than we thought. Roz: Okay, now I'm really miserable. Look at me, I'm a mess. Frasier: Well, tell you what, we've got a few minutes before the show starts, just go clean yourself up. Roz: Okay. Thanks. She heads out. Jason, Noel and another worker come in the other door. Jason: Hey, hey. Noel: Dr. Crane, what's goin' on? Frasier: Uh, my show, actually, in about two minutes. What can I do for you gentlemen? Jason: Sue invited us all over to watch the fight on pay per view. Frasier: Right. Well, as tempting as that sounds, I'm going to have to decline. Jason: Okay, we'll catch you next time. Frasier: Well, actually, you won't. Jason, Noel... you there. I've been living a lie. Let me tell you a little something about a few things I don't like: Boxing for one. Sporting events of any kind. Barbecues, office parties, buddy movies. Any dish made with marshmallows. Things that I DO like: the opera, the symphony, Elizabethan revenge dramas et cetera. So, if you're not inclined toward any of these interests, well, then, our association can be civil at best. Are we all clear on this concept? They turn away. Noel: I told you. The three leave the booth, muttering. Frasier sits at his desk with a self-satisfied look. FADE OUT. Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Daphne is going through some boxes again and Martin is reading the paper. Niles comes in. Niles: Hey, what's going on? Daphne: I found another box of pictures from your childhood. Niles: Oh, no. Daphne: Oh, look at this one, you're adorable. Niles: Yes, it's all adorable. My retainer and the membership card to the young magician's club and that picture of me in my choo-choo jammies. Martin: Yeah, with your caboose hangin' out. Daphne: Adorable. Niles: Can we just give my childhood a rest for a while? I mean, how would you feel if I took your most humiliating moments and put them on display? Daphne: You know, I think I've got the perfect picture frame for this one. She heads off to her room, Niles sits on the couch. Martin: So she puts a few pictures out, what's the big deal? There's a whole part of your life she missed out on. Niles: I guess. Martin: Besides, I like seein' your old stuff. He pulls a piece of paper from the coffee table. Martin: Ah, no one around here draws pictures any more. What the hell is this supposed to be, anyway? Niles: [coming over to him] Oh! That is an Egyptian battle scene from �Aida.� That's Radames and that's the jealous Amneris... Oh, I misspelled "Amonasro." Oh, to be six again. Martin gets up and heads for the kitchen as Daphne returns carrying a box. Niles: Oh, what is that? Daphne: Some things from my childhood. You asked how I'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot, go ahead, take a look. Niles pulls a drawing from the box. Niles: Okay. Ooh, well, that's a wonderful drawing of a... uh... turtle. Daphne: No, that's me Dad crawling home from the pub. Niles: Well why did you sign it "Dappy"? Daphne: Oh, me Mum did that. My family called me "Dappy" because I couldn't say "Daphne." Niles: Really? Daphne: Yeah, I hated it. My brothers would sing "Dappy, Dappy, wet her nappy." Niles: Well, I think it's precious... Dappy. I'm gonna call you that from now on... Dappy. Daphne: No you won't. Niles: Well, how about I call you "Dappy" until you put my mementos back in the box. How does that sound, Dappy? Daphne: Well, that's not fair. Niles: Oh, Dad. [Martin comes back in with a beer.] You'll never guess what silly nickname Daphne was called as a child. Martin: [heading for his room] Was it worse than "Piles"? Niles gets a defeated look on his face as Daphne smiles. Daphne: Well, that can't bring up fond memories. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Roz's Apartment Fade in. Roz is working with a cleaning lady, Alice is sitting on the couch reading "Make Room for Monkeys." There is the sound of a truck outside. Alice: Roger's here. She gets up and runs for the door. Alice: Let's go see him. Roz: I don't think so, sweety. Alice: Why? Roz: Well, it's hard to explain. Alice: Why? Roz: It's complicated. Alice: Why? Roz goes over, picks up Alice and sits on the couch with her. Roz: Mommy works in an office and Roger works in a truck. And people in offices and people in trucks... it's complicated. Alice: I like Roger. Roz: I know, honey. Alice: Do you like Roger? Roz: Yes, but... She realizes. Roz: Yeah. Alice: Okay... Roz: Okay. Sarah, can you look after Alice? I'll be right back. She sets Alice down and heads out the door. CUT TO: the outside of her apartment building. Roz: Roger! He's just climbing on his truck and turns to her. Roger: Hi. Roz: I'm so sorry that I've been such an idiot. I don't know what's wrong with me. All I know is that I miss you like crazy. Do you still have an opening for a Mole Queen? Roger: You sure? She climbs on the back of the truck and kisses him. The truck pulls down the alley to the next stop. Roger gets down to grab the cans, Roz helps him. FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Roz waves goodbye to Roger as the truck moves down the alley. It stops and Roger gets down to grab the garbage. Roz keeps waving when he gets back on the truck.
doc_251	Recap of the first half of the series EXT. CORN FIELD, DAY Birds are singing and suddenly a Mini drives through the stalks. INT. MORRIS MINI, DAY AMY is holding what appears to be a map and gives directions to RORY. AMY: OK, left, sharp turn! EXT. CORN FIELD, DAY RORY turns and they cross a previous path. INT. MORRIS MINI, DAY AMY: OK, right! No, no, no I mean left. (turns the map around) No, sorry right, right! I definitely meant right. EXT. CORN FIELD, DAY RORY continues driving. INT. MORRIS MINI, DAY AMY: Now loop the loop! EXT. CORN FIELD, DAY RORY drives. INT. MORRIS MINI, DAY AMY: Stop! Stop! RORY slams on the brakes. EXT. CORN FIELD, DAY AMY and RORY get out of the car to see the DOCTOR and the TARDIS in the middle of the crop circle they just made. The DOCTOR holds up the Leadworth paper with a headline that reads "Leadworth's Crop Circle". DOCTOR: Seriously? The camera pulls upwards and we get an aerial view of the field. The "circle" reads "Doctor". RORY: You never answer your phone. (closes car door) AMY: (walks to the DOCTOR) OK, you've had all summer. Have you found her? Have you found Melody? DOCTOR: (hands RORY the paper) Permission? RORY: Granted. DOCTOR: (hugs AMY) You know who she grows up to be, so you know I WILL find her. AMY: (ends the hug) But you haven't yet? RORY: Hang on, what's this bit? The picture in the newspaper shows an extra line through the word. AMY: That wasn't us. The DOCTOR grabs the paper from RORY and tries to locate where it would be. The DOCTOR stops and lowers the paper, AMY and RORY standing behind him, as they hear an engine and see a red Corvette coming straight at them. They scream and dive out of the way. The car stops, inches away from the TARDIS. A young black woman steps out of the car. AMY and RORY stand and the DOCTOR is lying on the ground at her feet. WOMAN: You said he was funny, you never said he was hot. RORY: Mels? AMY: What are you doing here? MELS: Following you, what do you think? The DOCTOR uses the car to stand up. RORY: Um, where did you get the car? MELS: It's mine... Police sirens wail in the distance. MELS: ..ish. AMY: Oh, Mels, not again? RORY: You can't keep doing this. You'll end up in prison. DOCTOR: Sorry, hello, Doctor not following this. Doctor very lost. You never said I was hot?! MELS: (points at the TARDIS) Is that the phone box! The bigger-on-the-inside phone box? (caresses the TARDIS) Time travel - that's just brilliant. The DOCTOR leans against the TARDIS next to MELS. MELS: Yeah, I've heard a lot about you. I'm their best mate. DOCTOR: Then why don't I know you? I danced with everyone at the wedding. The women were all brilliant, the men were a bit shy. MELS: I don't do weddings. The police sirens sound closer. MELS: And that's me out of time. (pulls a gun on the Doctor) AMY: Mels! RORY: For God's sake! AMY: What are you doing? MELS: I need out of here, now! DOCTOR: Anywhere in particular? MELS: Well, let's see! You've got a time machine, I've got a gun. What the hell - let's kill Hitler. [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith Karen Gillan Arthur Darvil "Let's Kill Hitler" by Steven Moffat Producer Marcus Wilson Director Richard Senior [SCENE_BREAK] A LONG TIME AGO IN LEADWORTH.... INT. AMELIA'S BEDROOM, DAY AMELIA is going through her box of Raggedy Doctor crafts as MELS watches. MELS: Is he hot? AMELIA: No, he's funny. MELS: But how can he travel in time? AMELIA: Because he's got a time machine, stupid! RORY enters the room. RORY: I thought we were playing hide and seek. I've been hiding for hours! AMELIA: Well, we just haven't found you yet! RORY: OK. Hi, Mels. MELS: Hi, Rory. RORY leaves. INT. CLASSROOM, DAY MELS is standing as she is questioned by the teacher. TEACHER: Mels, did you not understand the question? I'm asking you why the Titanic sank. MELS: Because the DOCTOR didn't save it. Except you don't know about the Doctor because you're stupid! INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY, DAY MELS exits the Head Teacher's office. AMELIA is waiting and follows. EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND, DAY AMELIA questions MELS as they walk through the playground. AMELIA: Why are you always in trouble? You're the most in trouble in the whole school, except for boys. MELS: And you. AMELIA: I count as a boy. They walk past a blindfolded RORY. RORY: Am I getting warm? AMELIA: Yes, Rory. INT. CLASSROOM, DAY MELS and AMY are now teenagers. MELS is standing being questioned by another teacher. TEACHER: Mels? MELS: A significant factor in Hitler's rise to power was the fact that the Doctor didn't stop him. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY, DAY MELS exits the Head Teacher's office. AMY is waiting and follows. AMY: I can't keep doing this! INT. POLICE STATION, HALL, DAY MELS is released from her cell and AMY is waiting. AMY: Mels! (runs after her) INT. AMY'S BEDROOM, DAY MELS flops on the bed and picks up the toy TARDIS. RORY is sitting in a chair and AMY paces. MELS: It was late, I took a bus. RORY: No, you stole a bus. AMY: Who steals a BUS? MELS: I returned it. RORY: You drove it through the botanical garden. MELS: Shortcut. AMY: Why can't you just act like a person? Like a normal LEGAL person? MELS: I don't know, maybe I need a Doctor. AMY: (takes the TARDIS) Stop it! RORY: Er... I'd better go, I'm on earlies tomorrow. (packs schoolwork into bag and stands) MELS: It's all right for you. You've got Mr Perfect keeping you right. AMY: He's not even real. Just a stupid dream when I was a kid. (tosses the TARDIS to MELS) MELS: I wasn't talking about him. (looks at RORY as he opens the door) AMY: What, Rory? How have I GOT Rory? RORY: (stops at his name and turns) Yeah, how... how's she got me? AMY: He's not mine. RORY: No. No, I'm not hers. MELS: Oh, come on! Seriously, it's got to be you two. Oh, cut to the song, it's getting boring. AMY: Nice thought, OK? But completely impossible. RORY: (looks hurt) Yeah, impossible! AMY: I mean, I'd love to, he's gorgeous, he's my favourite guy, (pats him on the back) but he's, you know? RORY: A friend. AMY: Gay. RORY: (looks at AMY) I'm not gay. AMY: Yes, you are. RORY: No. No, I'm not. AMY: Course you are, don't be stupid! MELS watches from the bed, amused. AMY: In the time I've known you, when've you shown the slightest interest in a GIRL? MELS: (softly) Penny in the air! AMY: I've known you for, what, 10 years? I've seen you practically every day. Name one girl you've paid the SLIGHTEST bit of attention to? RORY can't answer and runs from the room. AMY: (realizes) Oh, my God! Rory! (runs after him) MELS: And the penny drops! (gets up) AMY: (distant) Rory! MELS: Catch you later, Time Boy! (tosses the TARDIS into the air) EXT. DAY Above the cornfield, the TARDIS spins out of control. There is a gunshot. DOCTOR: (V.O.) You've shot it! INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR is staring at a bullet hole in the time-rotor casing. AMY, RORY are clinging to the console and MELs is hanging onto the railing. DOCTOR: You shot my TARDIS! You shot the console! MELS: It's your fault! DOCTOR: Argh! How's it my fault?! MELS: You said guns didn't work in this place. You said we're in a state of temporal grace. DOCTOR: (frantically works the controls)That was a clever lie, you idiot! Anyone could tell that was a clever lie! EXT. DAY The TARDIS continues to spin out of control and AMY screams. EXT. REICH CHANCELLERY, BERLIN 1938, DAY The imposing façade is adorned with a stylized eagle, wings outstretched, above a wreath inside which is a swastika. To either side of the main entrance are large, draping red banners bearing the black swastika within a white circle. A general, ZIMMERMAN, enters the building. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, CORRIDOR, DAY ZIMMERMAN strides down the hall past a janitor mopping the floor. The JANITOR stops and turns his head slowly and we hear mechanical whirring. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY We see the OFFICER from the JANITOR'S POV as seen through a viewscreen. A computer scans him. The Captain, CARTER, watches. CARTER: OK, we like him. A female crewmember, ANITA listens to her headset. ANITA: Costume want to know about the suit. CARTER: Colour, shape, nothing detachable. Another crewmember, JIM, enters the bridge and heads to his station. JIM: Musculature good to go. CARTER: That was quick. JIM: Showing off. Art department want to talk skin tone. An older woman, HARRIET, enters the bridge. HARRIET: Yes, I do. I don't trust sensors, I want to take a look myself. JIM: We're in a hurry, we're not trying to win an award. HARRIET: That's what you said when we made Rasputin green! CARTER: OK, get your fat one up there. Run! HARRIET: Yes, Captain. (leaves) CARTER: (sits in command chair) Harriet's going to eyeball. Everyone else, good to go, please! INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, ZIMMERMAN'S OFFICE, DAY ZIMMERMAN is standing at his file cabinet looking through a file as the door opens and the JANITOR enters and closes the door behind him. ZIMMERMAN: What do you want? The JANITOR walks forward until he is face-to-face with ZIMMERMAN. ZIMMERMAN: What are you doing? INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY ANITA: Musculature on line. JIM: Five foot 11, confirmed. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, ZIMMERMAN'S OFFICE, DAY The JANITOR grows until he is the same height as ZIMMERMAN. ZIMMERMAN stares, stunned. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER reaches up and grabs a microphone. CARTER: Harriet, are you up there yet? INT. SHIP, LIFT, DAY HARRIET stands in the lift. Just as the doors are about to open, the light on her wristlet changes from green to red and alarms begin to sound. The doors slide open. AUTOMATED VOICE: Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: Harriet, have you updated your privileges? INT. SHIP, LIFT, DAY HARRIET: Yes, of course I have! (presses buttons on wristlet until the light changes back to green) Look, I'm staff, see? Look, staff! AUTOMATED VOICE: You are authorised. Your existence will continue. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, ZIMMERMAN'S OFFICE, DAY ZIMMERMAN: I don't understand. The JANITOR'S clothes change to ZIMMERMAN'S uniform like scales flipping over all the way down his body. INT. SHIP, CORRIDOR, DAY HARRIET runs along the hallway. CARTER: (over radio) Harriet, shift! HARRIET: (into radio) Five seconds to eyeball. HARRIET reaches the end of the corridor and opens an iris by pressing her hand on a panel. She looks out. HARRIET: Shades 44 to 89, peaking at 60. Standard density. He's sweating a bit, so compensate. The camera pulls out and we see that HARRIET is literally looking out of the JANITOR'S eye. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, ZIMMERMAN'S OFFICE, DAY ZIMMERMAN: Wh-What are you? INT. SHIP, CORRIDOR, DAY The iris closes behind HARRIET and we see her walk slowly back. There are a number of corridors-which are more like enclosed catwalks-at different levels. CARTER: (over radio) All hands, prepare for tessellation. Prepare for tessellation. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, ZIMMERMAN'S OFFICE, DAY The JANITOR'S face changes to a duplicate of ZIMMERMAN. ZIMMERMAN gasps and falls back against the cabinet. The duplicate reaches out a hand and takes his glasses putting them on its own face. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: OK, clean up. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, ZIMMERMAN'S OFFICE, DAY A beam of light shoots out from the duplicate's right eye, miniaturizing ZIMMERMAN. INT. SHIP, CORRIDOR, DAY ZIMMERMAN falls to the floor just inside the iris. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY The crew watches ZIMMERMAN on a monitor. CARTER: Who is he? ANITA: Eric Zimmerman. Loyal member of the Nazi Party, guilty of Category Three hate crimes. CARTER: Well, then. Leave him to the Antibodies. INT. SHIP, CORRIDOR, DAY ZIMMERMAN stands. His vision is blurry without his glasses. He slowly walks forward. There is an electronic buzzing as something rises from the floor behind him. ZIMMERMAN slowly turns around and sees what looks like a metallic jellyfish complete with dangling tentacles floating towards him. It is an ANTIBODY. ANTIBODY: Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. ZIMMERMAN runs and is confronted by another ANTIBODY. ANTIBODY: Welcome. You will experience a tingling sensation and then death. ZIMMERMAN tries another corridor. ANTIBODY: Remain calm while your life is extracted. ZIMMERMAN screams as the tentacles reach out for him and he disappears. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY The DUPLICATE ZIMMERMAN enters a large wood-panelled office and shuts the door. We only see the man at the desk from behind. MAN: What do you want? Who let you in here? The DUPLICATE walks forward. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY Inside, everything shakes and CARTER'S mug falls to the floor. CARTER: What's wrong with the shock absorbers? JIM: Problem in the knees. CARTER: Let's hope we don't have to run. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY DUPLICATE: Do not call for help. This room has been sound screened. You have been found guilty. Justice mode activating. The DUPLICATE opens his mouth and a beam of light wraps the man at the desk who cries out in pain. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY JIM: Hang on! This is 1938. We're too early, we need to go later in his time stream. ANITA: Something else! We've got incoming! CARTER: On screen! INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY The DUPLICATE closes his mouth and turns to the window. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: What the hell is that? INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY The TARDIS bursts through the window, knocking the duplicate to the floor. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY Sparks fly as they reel from being knocked over by the TARDIS. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY The TARDIS bursts through the window, knocking the duplicate to the floor. The DOCTOR exits the TARDIS followed by RORY, AMY and MELS. All are coughing from the smoke. DOCTOR: Out, out, out! Everybody out. Don't breathe the smoke, just get out! AMY: Where are we? DOCTOR: A room. RORY: What room? DOCTOR: I don't know! I haven't memorized every room in the universe. I had yesterday off. (sees MELS standing at the open TARDIS door) Mels, don't go in there! (takes her gun) MELS: Oi! DOCTOR: Bad smoke! Don't breathe the bad, bad, smoke. Bad, deadly smoke, because somebody shot my TARDIS! RORY: (sees the DUPLICATE on the floor) Doctor, this guy, I think he's hurt. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: Transmit normal life signs! JIM: Artificial gravity holding. We should get upright when we can. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY RORY: No, hang on. No, he's... he's fine. The DOCTOR doesn't know what to do with the gun. He finally puts in in a fruit bowl on the desk. The MAN who was attacked climbs up from behind the desk. DOCTOR: Ooh, hello! Sorry, is this your office? Had a sort of collision with my vehicle. Faults on both sides, let's say no more about...(the MAN turns around and the DOCTOR sees who it is) ...it. AMY and RORY come up beside the DOCTOR. AMY: Is that...? No, it can't be, Doctor? HITLER: Thank you. Whoever you are, I think you have just saved my life. DOCTOR: Believe me... it was an accident. HITLER: (sees the TARDIS) What is this thing? (walks to it) AMY: What did he mean we saved his life? We could not have saved Hitler. DOCTOR: You see? You see, time travel, it never goes to plan. HITLER: This box, what is it? DOCTOR: (walks toward HITLER) It's a police telephone box from London, England. That's right, Adolf, the British are coming! Behind the DOCTOR, the DUPLICATE stands. HITLER: No, stop him! (pulls his gun and fires at the DUPLICATE) INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY More sparks as they suffer from the impact of bullets. CARTER: Damage report! Damage report! INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY RORY punches HITLER on the chin, knocking him to the floor. RORY picks up the gun and aims it at HITLER. RORY: Sit still, shut up. HITLER puts his hands up. AMY helps the DUPLICATE. AMY: Are you OK? DUPLICATE: Yes, yes. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER speaks into a special microphone and his words are echoed by the DUPLICATE. CARTER: Yes. I'm fine. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY DUPLICATE: I think he missed. HITLER: He was going to kill me. RORY: Shut up, Hitler! DOCTOR: Rory, take Hitler and put him in that cupboard over there now. Do it! RORY: Right, putting Hitler in the cupboard. Cupboard, Hitler. Hitler, cupboard. (pulls HITLER to his feet)Come on. HITLER: But I am the Fuhrer! RORY: Right, in you go! (shoves him into the cupboard) HITLER: Who are you? RORY closes the door. The DOCTOR studies the DUPLICATE. DOCTOR: Are you OK? INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY They watch the DOCTOR on screen as he peers at the DUPLICATE'S face. ANITA: Sir, what do we do now? JIM: Suggestion: we should go into surveillance mode. CARTER: Agreed. Let's faint. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY DUPLICATE: Oh, I... (falls backwards in a faint) RORY: I think he just fainted. DOCTOR: Yes, that was a faint. A perfect faint. AMY: (notices MELS has a hand on her stomach) Mels? MELS: Hitler... DOCTOR: What about him? MELS: Lousy shot. (falls to the floor) All three run over to MELS. AMY: Mels! Mels! DOCTOR: Rory! RORY: No, no, no! I've got to stop the bleeding! INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY JIM: Sir, that blue box... I've got a match. (the screen shows information about the TARDIS) We're trying to bag war criminals, we've got the biggest one ever right under our noses. Forget Hitler. We take this one down, the Justice Department will give us the rest of the year off. CARTER: Are you sure? JIM: There's no question. (looks at CARTER) It's her. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY AMY is stroking MELS' hair as RORY tries to stop the bleeding. AMY: How bad is it? Rory, what can we do? RORY: Just keep her conscious! Stay with us, Mels. DOCTOR: Hey, look at me. Just hold on. MELS: I used to dream about you. All those stories Amy told me. DOCTOR: What stories? Tell me what stories. Vampires in Venice, that's a belter. MELS: When I was little, I was going to marry you. DOCTOR: Good idea, let's get married. You live and I'll marry you, deal? Deal? MELS: Shouldn't you ask my parents permission? DOCTOR: Soon as you're well, I'll get on the phone. MELS: Might as well do it now, since they're both right here. The DOCTOR, AMY and RORY exchange glances. MELS: Penny in the air. The DOCTOR stands as MELS begins to glow with regeneration energy. MELS: Penny drops! RORY: What the hell's going on? DOCTOR: (grabs AMY and RORY, pulling them away) Back! Back! Back! Get back! MELS: (stands) Last time I did this, I ended up a toddler in the middle of New York. The DOCTOR, AMY and RORY are standing against the desk. AMY: OK, Doctor, explain what is happening? Please! DOCTOR: Mels. Short for..? MELS: Melody. AMY: Yeah, I named my daughter after her. DOCTOR: You named your daughter... after your daughter. MELS: Took me years to find you two. I'm so glad I did. And, you see, it all worked out in the end, didn't it? You got to raise me after all. AMY: You're Melody? RORY: But if she's Melody, that means she's also... MELS: Oh, shut up, Dad! I'm focussing on a dress size. MELS gives in to the regeneration and screams as the change takes place. When it is over, she is in the now-familiar form of RIVER SONG-though she doesn't know it. She pants as she regains her breathing and becomes familiar with her new body. MELODY: Right, let's see, then. Ooh, it's all going on down there, isn't it? The hair! (runs to a mirror) Oh! The hair, it just doesn't stop, does it? Look at that! Everything changes! Oh, but I love it, I love it!(faces the others) I'm all sort of... mature! (puts her foot on a piece of furniture, attempting to look seductive) Hello, Benjamin! DOCTOR: (covers his eyes briefly)(to AMY) Who's Benjamin? MELODY: The teeth!(looks back in the mirror) The teeth, the teeth! (runs to the others) Oh, look at them! (forces herself on the DOCTOR) Watch out! That bow tie! Excuse me, you lot, I need to weigh myself! (runs to the restroom) The DOCTOR, AMY and RORY sit on the edge of the desk, stunned. AMY: That's Melody? RORY: That's River Song. MELODY stands in the doorway. MELODY: Who's River Song? They turn to look at her. DOCTOR: Spoilers. MELODY: Spoilers? What's spoilers? Hang on, just something I have to check! (runs back into the other room) RORY: Is anybody else finding today just a bit difficult? I'm getting a sort of banging in my head. AMY: Yeah, I think that's Hitler in the cupboard. RORY: That's not helping. The DOCTOR stands and walks across the room. AMY and RORY join him. DOCTOR: This isn't the River Song we know yet. This is her right at the start. Doesn't even know her name. MELODY: (O.C.) Ah, that's magnificent! They turn to see her leaning with her hand against the door jamb MELODY: I'm going to wear LOTS of jodhpurs! INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: That's her, all right. Melody Pond...the woman who kills the Doctor. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY MELODY: Well, now, enough of all that! (pulls a gun and aims It at the DOCTOR) Down to business. DOCTOR: Oh, hello. I thought we were getting married. MELODY: (walks towards them) I told you, I'm not a wedding person. RORY: Doctor, what's she doing? DOCTOR: What she's programmed to. RORY: Where'd she get the gun? DOCTOR: Hello, Benjamin. [SCENE_BREAK] We flash back to MELODY standing by the chair when she said "Hello, Benjamin". She reaches back and takes the gun from the seat of the chair. [SCENE_BREAK] MELODY: You noticed! MELODY fires but the chambers are empty. DOCTOR: Of course I noticed. [SCENE_BREAK] While MELS is regenerating, the DOCTOR "falls" by the chair, sees the gun and removes the bullets. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: (walks forward) As soon as I knew you were coming, I tidied up a bit. MELODY: (tosses the gun away) I know you did.(reaches into her vest) [SCENE_BREAK] When MELODY pressed herself against the DOCTOR, she took the gun from the fruit bowl. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I know you know. [SCENE_BREAK] The DOCTOR spins the fruit bowl around so MELODY actually grabs a banana. [SCENE_BREAK] MELODY pulls out the banana thinking it's a gun. MELODY: Goodness, is killing you going to take all day? DOCTOR: Why? (takes the banana) Are you busy? MELODY: Oh, I'm not complaining. MELODY takes the letter opener from HITLER'S desk and swipes at the DOCTOR. The DOCTOR uses the sonic to make her drop it. DOCTOR: If you were in a hurry, you could've killed me in the cornfield. MELODY: We'd only just met. I'm a psychopath. I'm not rude. MELODY takes the gun from the fruit bowl and fires. The DOCTOR holds up the clip and blows on it. AMY: You were not a psychopath! Why would she be a psychopath? MELODY and the DOCTOR circle each other. MELODY: Oh, Mummy, Mummy, pay attention. I was trained and conditioned for one purpose. I was born to kill the Doctor. DOCTOR: Demons Run, remember? This is what they were building, my bespoke psychopath. MELODY and the DOCTOR end up face-to-face. MELODY: I'm all yours, sweetie. (kisses him) DOCTOR: Only River Song gets to call me that. MELODY: And who is River Song? DOCTOR: An old friend of mine. MELODY: Stupid name. MELODY walks to the window. MELODY: Oh, look at that! (steps onto the sill) Berlin on the eve of war. A whole world about to tear itself apart. (turns back) Now that's my kind of town. Mum, Dad, don't follow me. And, yes, that is a warning. DOCTOR: No warning for me, then? MELODY: No need, my love. The deed is done and so are you. The DOCTOR'S legs wobble and RORY and AMY hold him up. He grips his chest in pain. AMY: Doctor, what's wrong? DOCTOR: What have you done? River! MELODY: Oh, River, River, River! More than a friend, I think. DOCTOR: What have you done?!(collapses) MELODY: It was never going to be a gun for you, Doctor, the man of peace who understands every kind of warfare, except, perhaps, the cruellest. The DOCTOR rubs a finger against his lips and recalls the kiss. MELODY: Kiss, kiss.(blows a kiss and jumps outside) RORY: What's wrong with you? What's she done to you? DOCTOR: Poisoned me... but I'm fine. Well, no, I'm dying, but I've got a plan. AMY: What plan? The DOCTOR, AMY and RORY are standing against the desk. DOCTOR: (groans) I'm not dying. See, fine! INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY ANITA: Scanning him. He's dying all right. JIM: But he can't be. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY The DOCTOR groans as AMY and RORY help him stand. RORY: OK, what do we do? How do we help you? DOCTOR: Take this! The TARDIS can home in on it. (hands AMY the sonic) Now, go, get after her! (pushes RORY towards the window) RORY looks out the window down to the street and sees MELODY approach a group of soldiers. EXT. BERLIN STREET, DAY MELODY strides confidently towards the soldiers. SOLDIER 1: Hey was machen sie hier? (Hey what are you doing here?) SOLDIER 2: Halt! Five soldiers aim their rifles at MELODY and the OFFICER aims his automatic. MELODY: Hello, boys! INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY AMY helps the DOCTOR to the TARDIS. AMY: You said the smoke was deadly. DOCTOR: The smoke's fine. The poison will kill me first. Now, get after River! AMY: I don't understand, OK? One minute she's going to marry you and then kill you. DOCTOR: Ah, well, she's been brainwashed, it makes sense to her. Plus, she is a woman. Oh, shut up, I'm dying. (enters the TARDIS) INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR enters the smoke-filled TARDIS and leans heavily against the door. DOCTOR: Extractor fans on! The fans suck the smoke away. DOCTOR: Oh! That works! (hurries to the console) EXT. BERLIN STREET, DAY OFFICER: What are you doing here? MELODY: Well, I was off to this gay Gypsy bar mitzvah for the disabled, when I thought, "Gosh, the Third Reich's a bit rubbish, I think I'll kill the Fuhrer." Who's with me? OFFICER: Shoot her. The OFFICER walks behind the line of soldiers. RORY watches from his hiding place. RORY: No! The soldiers fire. The camera switches from RORY back to MELODY who is hugging herself. She lifts her head and smiles. MELODY: Tip for you all...never shoot a girl while she's regenerating. MELODY uses regeneration energy on the soldiers, throwing them backwards and knocking them unconscious. She laughs. MELODY: Ah! Now, that hit the spot. MELODY takes a couple of machine guns and climbs onto a motorcycle. MELODY: Thanks, boys! AMY climbs down and joins RORY who holds her back. MELODY: Call me. AMY: What are you doing? MELODY: New body, new town. I'm going shopping! (rides off) A SOLDIER comes through the gate behind them on a motorcycle. He stops and RORY tries to explain. RORY: Look, I know how this looks, but let me explain everything from the beginning. (sees the SOLDIER reaching for his holster) Heil! (salutes) SOLDIER: Heil! (returns the salute) RORY punches the SOLDIER, knocking him down. He then climbs on the motorcycle. RORY: Come on! AMY: (climbs on behind him) Can you ride a motorbike? RORY: I expect so. It's that sort of day. AMY and RORY drive off and the SOLDIER stands. CARTER: (V.O.) OK, INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: this time let's do the bike, too. EXT. BERLIN STREET, DAY The SOLDIER sits down on a motorcycle and drives off after AMY and RORY. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY JIM: You see, he can't be dying. CARTER: But the Doctor is confirmed deceased. We have his records. JIM: But he doesn't die here. He dies in Utah, by Lake Silencio, April the 22nd, 2011. ANITA: Time can be rewritten. Remember Kennedy? JIM: This can't. It's a confirmed fixed point. The Doctor must always die exactly then. He always has and he always will. CARTER: Then someone's screwed up because he's dying right now. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR falls to the floor at the base of the console. DOCTOR: I'm shutting down. (sits against the rail) Going to need an interface. Voice interface. Come on, emergency. The INTERFACE appears as a hologram of himself. INTERFACE: Voice interface enabled. DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no, no! Give me someone I like. (appears as Rose) Oh, thanks! Give me guilt! (Martha) Also guilt! (Donna) More guilt. Come on, there must be someone left in the universe I haven't screwed up yet. We hear the INTERFACE change and then it speaks in a young voice. INTERFACE: Voice interface enabled. DOCTOR: (looks up) Oh! Oh, Amelia Pond before I got it all wrong. My sweet little Amelia. INTERFACE: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface. DOCTOR: Hey, let's run away and have adventures. Come along, Pond. INTERFACE: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface. DOCTOR: You are SO Scottish. How am I doing? INTERFACE: Your system has been contaminated by the poison of the Judas tree. You will be dead in 32 minutes. DOCTOR: OK, so, basically better regenerate, that's what you're saying? INTERFACE: Regeneration disabled. You will be dead in 32 minutes. DOCTOR: Unless I'm cured, yeah? INTERFACE: There is no cure. You will be dead in 32 minutes. DOCTOR: Why do you keep saying that? INTERFACE: Because you will be dead in 32 minutes. DOCTOR: You see, there you go again. Basically skipping 31 whole minutes when I'm absolutely fine. Scottish, that's all I'm saying. INTERFACE: You will be fine for 31 minutes. You will be dead in 32 minutes. DOCTOR: Scotland's never conquered anywhere. Not even a Shetland. River needs me. She's only just beginning, I can't die now. INTERFACE: You will not die now. You will die in 32 minutes. DOCTOR: I'm going out in the first round. Ringing any bells? (cries in pain and falls face-down on the floor) OK, need something for the pain now. Come on, Amelia. It's me. Please. INTERFACE: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface. DOCTOR: Amelia, listen to me... I can be brave for you but you have got to tell me how. INTERFACE: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface. DOCTOR: Amelia... Amelia, please... (closes eyes) INTERFACE: Fish fingers and custard. DOCTOR: (opens eyes) What did you say? (smiles) Fish fingers and custard! (laughs) Oh, Amelia Pond. Fish fingers and custard! (pushes himself off the floor and uses the console to pull himself up) Fish... fingers... and... CUSTARD! He DOCTOR activates the TARDIS. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY While a string quartet plays Pachelbel's "Canon in D", ladies and gentlemen dine on fine food and wine. The atmosphere is broken by machine gun fire. The women scream and every ducks behind tables. MELODY enters, machine guns pointed at the ceiling. MELODY: Ladies and gentleman... I don't have a thing to wear. (aims the guns) Take off your clothes. EXT. BERLIN STREET, DAY RORY and AMY pull up outside an impressive building. RORY: OK, all of Berlin, how do we find her? AMY: I don't know. Look for clues. RORY: Clues? What kind of clues?! AMY: Shut up... At that moment, the doors of the building open and the restaurant clientele come running out in their under garments. RORY: OK. RORY and AMY turn around at the sound of a motorcycle and see a DUPLICATE AMY riding it. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY MELODY is trying on various pieces of clothing in front of a mirror. MELODY: Now, look at that! Now that's fun... from EVERY angle! AMY opens the doors and runs in. MELODY: Now, dear, I told you not to follow me. AMY walks forward, face cold. INT. SHIP, CORRIDOR, DAY AMY and RORY get up off the floor. RORY: OK. OK, I am trapped inside a giant robot replica of my wife. I'm really trying not to see this as a metaphor. AMY: How can we be in here? RORY: Umm... AMY: How do we fit? RORY: Miniaturisation ray. AMY: How would you know that? RORY: Well, there was a ray and we were miniaturised. AMY: All right. There is an electronic buzzing as an ANTIBODY rises from the floor. ANTIBODY: Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. AMY: Um... what's that? RORY: Er, I don't know, it's in YOUR head. ANTIBODY: Please remain calm while your life is terminated. AMY and RORY back away from the ANTIBODY. AMY: We come in peace! RORY: When has that ever worked? AMY: Oh, shut up! The other corridors are blocked by more ANTIBODIES. ANTIBODY: Please co-operate in your officially sanctioned termination. It is normal to experience fear during your incineration. They are backed against a wall. AMY pulls out the sonic. AMY: Stop or I sonic. RORY: What are you doing? AMY: I don't know. RORY: Psychic interface, just point and think. AMY: I know, but what do I think? RORY: I don't know! Electricity crackles as the ANTIBODIES get closer. The door behind AMY and RORY slides open and JIM is there. He slips the green light devices on their wrists. JIM: It's OK. Stay still and don't move. Privileges activated. See? Activated. (holds their arms up for the ANTIBODIES to see) ANTIBODY: You are authorised. Your existence will continue. (leave) JIM: You can put your hands down. This is Justice Department Vehicle 6018. You're not guilty of anything. Welcome aboard the Teselecta. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY MELODY has an officer's uniform jacket on over her other clothes. MELODY: I might take the age down a little, just gradually, to freak people out. TESELECTA AMY: You killed the Doctor. MELODY: Oh, yes, I know, dear. I hope you're not going to keep on about it. (puts on officer's cap) Oh, regeneration, it's a whole new colouring to work with. (removes cap) TESELECTA AMY moves around to face MELODY. TESELECTA AMY: You killed the Doctor on the orders of the movement known as the Silence and Academy of the Question. You accept and know this to be true? MELODY: Quite honestly, I don't really remember. It was all a bit of jumble. TESELECTA AMY pushes the mirror out of the way and opens its mouth. A beam envelopes MELODY and she cries out. MELODY: No! No! Get off me! DOCTOR: Sorry, did you say she killed the Doctor? TESELECTA AMY closes its mouth and faces the DOCTOR who is leaning against the TARDIS on the dais. He is dressed in tails and a top hat and has a cane. DOCTOR: The Doctor? Doctor who? INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: You said he was dying. ANITA: He is! JIM enters with RORY and AMY. JIM: When you're done here, your memories will be wiped and you'll be able... AMY: (sees the DOCTOR on the screen) Doctor? INT. RESTAURANT, DAY MELODY: You're dying and you stopped to change? DOCTOR: (spins) Oh, you should always waste time when you don't have any. (walks down the steps twirling the cane) Time is not the boss of you - Rule 408. (faces TESELECTA AMY) Amelia Pond, judgment death machine. Why am I not surprised? Sonic cane! MELODY: Are you serious? INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY They watch the DOCTOR on screen as he scans the TESELECTA with the cane. DOCTOR: (on screen) Never knowingly. Never knowingly be serious. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: Rule 27. You might want to write these down. (checks readings) Oh, it's a robot! INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY DOCTOR: (on screen) With 423 life signs inside. A robot... INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: worked by tiny people. Love it! But how do you all get in there, though? INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY DOCTOR: (on screen) Bigger on the inside? No, basic miniaturization sustained by a compression field. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: Oh, watch what you eat, it'll get you every time. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY DOCTOR: (on screen) Amy, if you and Rory are OK, signal me. AMY activates the sonic and the DOCTOR reads the signal on the cane. DOCTOR: (on screen) Thanking you. CARTER: Why did you do that? The DOCTOR cries out in pain. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY The DOCTOR is beginning the loose control of his legs. DOCTOR: Oops, sorry, leg went to sleep. Just had a quick left leg power nap, I forgot I had one scheduled. Actually, better sit down, I think I heard the right one yawning. (sits on the dais steps) MELODY runs for the door. TESELECTA AMY once again shoots a beam of light. DOCTOR: Don't you touch her! Do not harm her in any way. The TESELECTA closes its mouth. MELODY is caught in a containment field. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER speaks into a microphone by his chair that controls the TESELECTA'S voice. It sounds like AMY is speaking as well. CARTER: Why would you care? She is the women who kills you. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY The DOCTOR removes his top hat. DOCTOR: I'm not dead. TESELECTA AMY: You're dying. DOCTOR: Well, at least I'm not a time-travelling shape-shifting robot operated by miniaturized cross people, which, I have got to admit, I didn't see coming. (points his cane at MELODY) What do you want with her? TESELECTA AMY: She's Melody Pond. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: (into microphone) According to records, the woman who kills the Doctor. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: And I'm the Doctor, what's it to you? INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: (into microphone) (stands) Throughout history, many criminals have gone unpunished in their lifetimes. Time travel has... responsibilities. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY The DOCTOR laughs. DOCTOR: What? You got yourselves time travel, so you decided to punish dead people? INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: (into microphone) We don't kill them. We extract them near the end of their established timelines. DOCTOR: (on screen) And then what? CARTER: (into microphone) Give them hell. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: I'd ask you who you think you are, INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY DOCTOR: (on screen) But I think the answer is pretty obvious. So, who do you think I am? INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: (points his cane at MELODY) "The woman who killed the Doctor". It sounds like you've got my biography in there. I'd love a peek. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: (into microphone) Our records office is sealed to the public. Foreknowledge is dangerous. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: Yes, well, I'll be dead in three minutes. There isn't much foreknowledge left. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: (into microphone) (sits) Sorry, can't do that. AMY pulls CARTER'S chair around and leans down into his face. AMY: That man is my best friend. That woman is my daughter. You give him anything he wants. JIM: If she's family, she has privileges. CARTER taps buttons on her wrist device. JIM: Say, "Access personal records, the Doctor". AMY: (into device) Access personal records, the Doctor. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY TESELECTA AMY: Records available. The DOCTOR stands with great effort, leaning heavily on the cane. DOCTOR: Question. I'm dying... who wants me dead? TESELECTA AMY: The Silence. DOCTOR: What is the Silence? Why is it called that? What does it mean? TESELECTA AMY: The Silence is not a species. It is a religious order, or movement. Their core belief is that silence will fall when the question is asked. DOCTOR: What question? TESELECTA AMY: The first question. The oldest question in the universe, hidden in plain sight. DOCTOR: Yes, but what is the question? TESELECTA AMY: Unknown. DOCTOR: Well, fat lot of use that is, you big ginge! Call yourself a Records... Argh! (falls to the floor) Kidneys are always the first to quit. I've had better, you know. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY ANITA: OK, he's finished. AMY: (looks away) Oh, my God! CARTER: Well, then, let's do what we do. Give her hell. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY The field around MELODY turns to red and looks like flame. She screams in agony. The DOCTOR is pulling himself across the floor by his hands. DOCTOR: Amy! Rory! Amy, INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY DOCTOR: (on screen) can you hear me? AMY: Yeah. CARTER hands her the microphone. CARTER: You can talk to him. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY TESELECTA AMY: What do we do? INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY AMY: (into microphone) This is me. This is me actually talking. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY TESELECTA AMY: What do we do? DOCTOR: Just stop them. She's your daughter, just stop them. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY AMY: (into microphone) How, how? INT. RESTAURANT, DAY TESELECTA AMY: How? DOCTOR: Just do it! INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY AMY flashes on the devices and how the green light saved them from the ANTIBODIES. AMY sees that everyone is wearing the devices and there is an ANTIBODY resting in a console. She pulls out the sonic. RORY: What are you doing? AMY: Pointing and thinking. Get ready to run. AMY uses the sonic on her device and it turns red. An alarm sounds and the ANTIBODY rises. ANTIBODY: You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. AMY: OK, Captain, release her now, or I take down the whole Teselecta. RORY: Amy? CARTER: You can't. AMY swings his chair around so he sees the ANTIBODIES. AMY: They can! ANITA and JIM try to get their devices working again. AMY: Rory, go! AMY and RORY run for the lift. ANTIBODY: All privileges withdrawn. JIM: What have you done? The lift door closes. ANTIBODY: All life forms prepare for immediate decease. You will experience a tingling sensation and then death. One of the ANTIBODIES wraps two tentacles around ANITA'S neck. CARTER: Shut it down! JIM: I'm trying! CARTER: Shut everything down! They begin to pull wires and the TELESELECTA powers down. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY MELODY is freed. The DOCTOR looks up at her. DOCTOR: Please, now we have to save your parents. Don't run. Now, I know you're scared, but never run when you're scared. Rule 7. Please. MELODY looks at the DOCTOR and then at the TESELECTA AMY. INT. TESELECTA, CORRIDOR, DAY Members of the crew are attacked by ANTIBODIES. ANTIBODY: Remain calm while your life is extracted. The lift door opens and AMY and RORY run out. AMY: Run! Keep running. RORY: Where? AMY: I don't know, just run! They run down the corridor. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER uses the radio to call for help. CARTER: Mothership! Mothership, get us out of here! Emergency beam up now! Everyone! The crew is beamed away. ANTIBODY: Only two life forms remain. This will be rectified. INT. TESELECTA, CORRIDOR, DAY AMY and RORY realize they're alone. AMY: Where did everyone go? RORY: How can they just disappear? ANTIBODIES approach them and AMY pulls out the microphone. AMY: Doctor, can you help us? Doctor? Doctor, help us! INT. RESTAURANT, DAY TESELECTA AMY: Doctor, help us! The DOCTOR is on the floor, eyes closed. TESELECTA AMY: Doctor, please! The DOCTOR opens his eyes and stands with great difficulty. He heads for the TARDIS as MELODY watches from a chair. He falls onto the steps. TESELECTA AMY: Doctor! Help! The DOCTOR tries to pull himself up the steps. MELODY: Look at you. You still care. TESELECTA AMY: Doctor! Help! Doctor, help us! Please help us. MELODY: It's impressive, I'll give you that. DOCTOR: River, please... MELODY: (stands) Again? Who is this River? She's got to be a woman, am I right? The DOCTOR is stretched out on the steps, a hand reaching for the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Help me. Save Amy and Rory. Help me. MELODY: Tell me about her. Go on. DOCTOR: Aaargh... just... help me. INT. TESELECTA, CORRIDOR, DAY AMY and RORY run down the corridor to the iris. AMY tries to open the iris but the panel won't recognize her. They are surrounded by ANTIBODIES who echo each other. ANTIBODIES: You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. AMY and RORY face each other. AMY: I love you. RORY: I love you too. RORY hugs her head to his chest as the ANTIBODIES continue. ANTIBODIES: You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. The TARDIS materializes around them. INT. TARDIS AMY: Doctor? Doctor, he did it. He did it! They laugh with relief. They stop when they see MELODY appear from the other side of the console. MELODY: I seem to be able to fly her. She showed me how, she taught me. The Doctor says I'm the child of the TARDIS. What does he mean? AMY: Where is he? INT. RESTAURANT, DAY The DOCTOR is lying on his back on the stairs. AMY and RORY kneel beside him. AMY holds his hand in hers. AMY: You can't die now. I know you don't die now. DOCTOR: Oh, Pond! You've got a schedule for everything. AMY: But it doesn't make any sense. RORY: Doctor, what do we do? Come on. How do we help you? DOCTOR: No, sorry, Rory. You can't. Nobody can. Ponds, listen to me, I need to talk to your daughter. RORY and AMY get up and walk to where MELODY is standing. She slowly walks to the DOCTOR and kneels beside him. DOCTOR: Find her. Find River Song and tell her something from me. MELODY: Tell her what? The DOCTOR tugs on her jacket and MELODY bends over so he can whisper in her ear. MELODY: Well, I'm sure she knows. MELDOY lifts her head and sees the DOCTOR is unconscious. She backs away to AMY and RORY. MELODY: Who's River Song? AMY looks at RORY, who nods. She approaches the TESELECTA. AMY: Are you still working because I'm still a relative? Access files on River Song. TESELECTA AMY: Records available. AMY: Show me her. Show me River Song. The TESELECTA changes its appearance to RIVER and MELODY sees herself. MELODY turns to the DOCTOR, her eyes getting teary. AMY goes to RORY who holds her. AMY: Melody, what did he say? The Doctor gave you a message for River Song. What was it? MELODY'S hands start to glow as she approaches the DOCTOR. AMY: What's happening? What are you doing? MELODY lifts her hands. MELODY: Just tell me. The Doctor, is he worth it? AMY: Yes. Yes, he is. MELODY puts a hand to either side of the DOCTOR'S face. He inhales sharply and opens his eyes. DOCTOR: (whispers) River? No! What are you doing? MELODY: (whispers) Hello, sweetie. MELODY kisses the DOCTOR, transferring her regeneration energy. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM, DAY RORY and AMY bend over the bed and slowly come into focus. AMY: Hey. MELODY: Hey. Where am I? AMY: You're safe now. Apparently, you used all your remaining regenerations in one go. You shouldn't have done that. MELODY: Mother, I had to try. AMY: I know. MELODY: He said no-one could save him but he must have known I could. DOCTOR: Rule one. The others turn to look at the DOCTOR standing by the window. DOCTOR: The Doctor lies. NURSE: She just needs to rest. She'll be absolutely fine. DOCTOR: No, she won't. The DOCTOR sets a TARDIS journal down on the side table. It's tied with a red ribbon. DOCTOR: She will be... amazing. INT. TARDIS AMY: So that's it? We leave her there? DOCTOR: Sisters of the Infinite Schism, greatest hospital in the universe. AMY: Yeah, but she's our daughter. Doctor, she's River and she's our daughter. DOCTOR: Amy, I know. But we have to let her make her own way now. We have too much foreknowledge. (looks at the monitor and sees the time and place of his death) Dangerous thing, foreknowledge. AMY: What's that? DOCTOR: (turns off monitor) Nothing. Just some data from the Teselecta. Very boring. RORY: Doctor, River was brainwashed to kill you? DOCTOR: Well, she did, and then used her remaining lives to bring me back. As first dates go, I'd say that was mixed signals. RORY: But that stuff that they put in her head, is that gone now? The River that we know in the future, she is in prison for murder. AMY: Whose murder? The DOCTOR is quiet and then smiles. RORY is upset that he doesn't get an answer. AMY: Will we see her again? DOCTOR: Oh, she'll come looking for us.(runs up stairs) AMY: Yeah, but how? How do people even look for you? DOCTOR: Oh, Pond! Haven't you figured that one out yet? INT. LUNA UNIVERSITY, 5123 PROFESSOR: So, then, tell me... why do you want to study archaeology? RIVER: Well, to be perfectly honest, Professor, I'm looking for a good man.
doc_252	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] John: I thought you weren't done with me yet. Tituba: Depends on you, witch hunter, whether or not you can see how well our interests are aligned. John: It's hard to see what we've got in common. Tituba: Love and betrayal. Sebastian: My mother would have your father's book of shadows. Anne: Tell her the book is mine, and I will not give it to her until I choose. Cotton: Lay aside your science, Wainwright, and fall to your knees. This is what they plan for us. Wainwright: They? Who? Cotton: Witches. Wainwright: And this orrery, like some celestial clockwork, tracks the comet overhead? Mary: What is it you want from me? Wainwright: I want in. Countess Marburg: My dark lord is already inside the boy. And come the comet... We shall let him out. Mercy: What kind of mother would abandon her only child to the woods? The night is our playground. Mary: You said that once you were sure, you would tell me the secret tor destroying Countess Marburg. You spoke of an object. Increase: She keeps it close. Mary: Where? On the ship? Increase: It is the ship. Sebastian: This is the boy who sets my mother's heart ablaze. It's time to meet your queen. [ Clicking ] [ Bubbling ] Wainwright: I must have more of you and your unfathomable secrets. Mary: Mm, do not fear. You will in time. My dear doctor, I really thought that no man could find his way into my affections. But you have surprised me in so many ways. In return, you have had a small taste of the ecstasy and insight that awaits you down the crooked way. I warn you... It leads far from the comfortable main roads of civilization. Wainwright: Well, then let me begin my journey at once. Mary: Patience. Before you can continue your journey, you must go before the dark powers and strike your own bargain. At the witching hour, at midnight... Your journey begins then. In the meantime, you must make yourself useful. Wainwright: Anything. I am your humble servant. Mary: Destroy all your work... Everything you have written or gathered on the plague. All of it must be burned. Wainwright: [ Chuckles ] A scientist's notes are his life blood and the building blocks of all of his work. Mary: I told you last night... We are at war. Your observations on the plague are proof of my witchcraft. If Cotton Mather were to find it... Wainwright: You ask too much of me. Mary: But in return, you shall have so much more. Wainwright: [ Sighs ] It's true. Mather did all but promise to lead a crusade against the witches of Salem, and they would treat you far worse than the Inquisition treated Galileo. They would burn you like Bruno. Mary: Well, then unless you wish to see me martyred for our science, there can be nothing that leads back to me. Wainwright: It is not my papers that will lead him back to you but what we saw in the crags. Mary: Leave the crags to me. Wainwright: [ Sighs heavily ] [ Indistinct conversations ] Tituba: Shall I bring the young master his breakfast? Mary: No. No, I have another task for you. Tituba: Increase Mather! Mary: The one and only. I used it to summon his soul. Tituba: Risking necromancy without my aid is dangerous enough, but to raise Increase Mather from the dead... Mary: Your aid? I have new allies. Do not worry your cowardly mind. I've already sent him back from whence he came. But his specter proved quite useful. Apparently our Countess has a weakness... Her ancient, rotting corpse is the secret to her longevity. Increase told me where to find it, and at the right moment, it and she will be mine. Tituba: You trust him? Mary: Rather than you? I dare say. Now, for once, can you just do your job? You may start by disposing of that. Time to wake, John. Seize the day, my love. John? Countess Marburg: Lost something? How careless. [ "Cupid carries a gun" plays ] ♪ Pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ witch drums ♪ ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ the witch drums ♪ ♪ better pray for hell ♪ ♪ not hallelujah ♪ Mary: Where is he? Countess Marburg: Our little lamb is safe and sound. Mary: Tell me what you've done with him or I will rip the truth from your heart. Countess Marburg: [ Chuckles ] My heart? Better you should search your own. Mary: Oh, to hell with your riddles. Speak plainly or choke on my wrath. What have you done with my son? Countess Marburg: Perhaps it was the genius of those hags and your dusky caretaker to keep you in such ignorance. Mary: Ignorance? Of what? Countess Marburg: Poor dear. Of everything. Surely you knew that no great working can take place without a sacrifice. Mary: No. Countess Marburg: For this, the greatest of all workings, only the greatest of all sacrifices will do. Your son was born precisely that he should be the vessel for the dark lord's return. Mary: You are lying. It cannot be. Countess Marburg: I know this must seem... a terrible betrayal. Do you not think that the other Mary felt betrayal when she realized what God intended for the son he gave her? The Angel of the annunciation failed to mention that she would end up weeping at the foot of the cross beneath her slaughtered son. Now, like that other Mary, you must look beyond the deceit and embrace the glorious gift. And what an honor to sacrifice one's own to such a cause. It's a sacrifice I sought to make many years ago with my own son, Sebastian. I would have given anything for that honor, for him as well as for me. Alas, it was not meant to be. Mary: [ Crying ] There must be another way. Countess Marburg: I'm afraid not. When the comet blazes overhead tomorrow night, little John will be baptized in the river of hell-blood and granted the infinite honor of using his mortal frame to bear his dark force. Mary: [ Sobbing ] No. No, I won't do it. Countess Marburg: The choice is yours. Join us at the crags tomorrow and baptize him, allow our little prince to fulfill his destiny... Or I will bathe in his young blood as I have so many others. Mary: Kill him and the Grand Rite is over. Countess Marburg: For a time, yes. C'est la vie. But I am everlasting, unlike you, and when the starry messenger returns, it will be I who completes the Grand Rite. Mary: So either way, if I do as you say, my boy dies. Countess Marburg: He was only born to be a vessel. Do not deprive him or yourself of that honor. Mary: [ Crying ] [ Indistinct conversations ] [ Knocks on door ] Cotton: [ Groans ] Go away! I'm in no state for visitors, especially the likes of you. How dare you. Hathorne: My god, man. If pigs could read, this is how they'd live. Cotton: I owe you no explanation. This is my home. Now get out of it. Hathorne: I have this morning received a communication from Boston telling me of your banishment. Cotton: [ Laughs ] Hathorne: Our elders forbade your returning to Salem. Cotton: It's of no consequence. I was... meant to come back. Hathorne: You believe the law does not apply to you. Cotton: I live by the law, sir... The highest law. God's calling far outweighs the rules of a few narrow-minded bostonians. Hathorne: So, you think you're divinely summoned to be in our village? Cotton: For all our safety, I must be here to fight the witches. In my father's own words, save my very soul. Hathorne: Your father no longer breathes the air of Salem, and soon, neither shall you. Gentlemen, escort him away. Cotton: [ Scoffs ] Hathorne, listen to me. This is much bigger than our rivalry over Anne Hale. Hathorne: I am not here as a man but as a magistrate... To do my duty. Cotton: Then let me stay here. As magistrate, it is your duty to protect this village. I have proof that the witches spread this pox and will use it to damn all of our souls to Hell. Hathorne: What is your proof? Cotton: You know the dead were sent to the crags? Hathorne: Yes. Against my wishes. Cotton: There the cadavers have turned into a kind of... Evil black pitch. It forms a portal to Hell. Hathorne: Hell? Sounds like the ramblings of a lunatic 'neath the full moon. Cotton: Or a man in terror who has seen it with his own eyes. I expect little trust from you. But put your faith in Dr. Wainwright. His reputation cannot be assailed. He was with me and witnessed the same. He will tell you that. [ Door opens ] Wainwright: Mather. I'd no doubt enjoy one of our stimulating philosophical jousts, but my time at the moment is quite short. Cotton: Then I'll be brief. I need you to relay our treacherous situation to the magistrate. Wainwright: Well, in fact, I have some surprisingly good news. Today marks the first 24-hour period since I arrived in Salem without a single new infection. I do believe the worst may be past and this pox may finally be dying down. Hathorne: [ Clears throat ] Cotton: I've, um, spoken to him of the horrors we witnessed yesterday. Wainwright: Yes, well, [Chuckles] It's not often that I allow a novice to join my research, but Mather insisted on accompanying me to investigate the victims burry hell grounds. Wainwright: [ Sighs ] Little of any help. I had hoped to locate something to better fight off this parasitical pox. Cotton: Tell him about the black pitch. Wainwright: Black pitch? Cotton: What we both saw at the crags... Bodies disintegrating into an ungodly black pitch. A most unnatural substance you said you'd never eyed before. For god's sake, man, it set a branch on fire. Inwright: My dear Mather, we'd both had a fair bit to drink the night before, and in the light of day, I can't really say what I saw. Cotton: You saw what I saw, and now I need you to tell the magistrate about it. Wainwright: Be reasonable, friend. We saw nothing that can't be explained by the condition of those who saw it. Gentlemen, this pox may nearly be over, but I still have much work to do. Hathorne: What say you about this discrepancy, Mather? Cotton: He's lying! For all we know, he is under some witch's control! Wainwright: Mather, I like you, truly, but you go too far, and I've had enough. You have the word of a royally certified physician or a failed divine known for his drunken rages who attacked even you, so believe who you will. Cotton: Or believe your own eyes. As magistrate, you owe it to the people of Salem to investigate yourself. Come with me to the crags and then decide who speaks the truth. You want to save this town. You want to be Salem's leader. All I ask is that you see for yourself. Wainwright: I won't have any more of this nonsense. Hathorne: N-no, doctor. We shall go, all three of us. Wainwright: With all due respect, Magistrate... Hathorne: As magistrate, it is not your respect I require but your obedience. Wainwright: As you will. The Angels of Revelation said: "Come. See. Hell is here." Wainwright: Birds often die in a flock. It's grotesque, yes, but hardly unnatural. Cotton: God in Heaven... Wainwright: Just as I said. Hathorne: Where is your devilish black pitch? Cotton: It's the witches' doing. They've made it disappear. Hathorne: Or perhaps your gin consumption has finally caught up with you. Wainwright: In all fairness, my dear friend has suffered much lately... The loss of a father, banishment. And the strains of life can sometimes make the mind play vicious tricks. Cotton: It is not my mind playing vicious tricks but your lying mouth. Wainwright: My dear Mather, you said not two nights ago you'd seen your dead father. You must recognize that that hallucination was brought on by your own distressed soul. And I believe this was just more of the same. Cotton: Who got to you? What did they offer you?! Hathorne: Take him away. Cotton: You've sold your soul! You will go to hell. Let go of me! [ Grunting, breathing heavily ] You will burn in hell, Wainwright! Hell!! [SCENE_BREAK] Sebastian: [ Claps ] Bravo. I always say a beautiful woman should break her mirror early. Mary: Come to twist your mother's dagger? Sebastian: Oh, no. No, my mother doesn't know I'm here. I've just come by to... to help you see things more clearly. Mary: Very nice. Can you do that with my life? Sebastian: If you'd let me, I just might. Mary: My son is all that means anything to me. Sebastian: And to my mother. Mary: She wants... Sebastian: We both know what she wants. Do you know what I want? You. I saw you with him last night. Imagine what that would feel like with a fellow adept rather than a novice. Mary: Take my body, just give me back my son. Sebastian: Hold that thought. [ Door opens ] Speak of the devil and he appears. [ Knock on door ] Wainwright: Am I interrupting? Mary: [ Sighs ] Wainwright: I'm sorry. I'll come back. Mary: No, uh, come in, Doctor. We were just... Sebastian: Speaking of you. Mary has told me everything. Mary and I share many things, except, it would seem, her bed. That delight apparently is yours and yours alone. Wainwright: It seems I may have tread upon territory once marked by another. Sebastian: No. Indeed no. It would seem the better man has claimed the prize. Do not worry. I... Mary trusts me enough to keep your nighttime dalliances to myself. So can you. And please rest assured there is no ill will between us, and there are no secrets between the three of us now. Follow my lead. Be careful what you say. As for your boy, anything is possible... For good or for ill. Mary: The baron is one of us. He would advance our cause. You may speak freely. Wainwright: Well, I've just come back from the crags with Mather and Hathorne. I don't know how you did it, but Mather was utterly baffled. And no one, Hathorne least of all, will believe anything he says now. Mary: We call it glamour. Sebastian: Yes, a minor, but effective tool. Wainwright: [ Chuckles ] Minor? It's beyond the conception of our greatest minds. I must know more. Sebastian: And so you shall. Mary and I were just discussing that. Think of me as a guide who, along with Mary, will lead you to explore your new horizons. You understand it is not easy for a woman of her standing to move about with a man such as yourself. People would talk. She has asked me to act in her stead. And I can assure you, sir, I am skilled at the highest order of the dark arts and sciences. I am to lead you to the woods for your initiation. Wainwright: Now? Sebastian: But of course. Why waste any time? A man of your caliber will be of inestimable use to us. And the sooner you are initiated, the better. Wainwright: Is this your will, ma'am? Should I follow him? Sebastian: You can't save everyone. Think of your boy. If you ever want to see him again, leave the good doctor to me. Mary: Yes. Yes, he will show you the way. Wainwright: Excellent. The sooner I tear the veil away, the better. I'm positively giddy as a schoolboy. Sebastian: Time enough for all that later. Come. There are secrets of the universe to unveil. [ Brown Jenkins squeaks ] Mr. Hale: My dearest daughter, if you are reading this, then I am dead, and you have gone some way down the dark path. I sealed this work so that you could only read it if you had attained some skills and a familiar. But what awaits is yet more significant and treacherous. Perhaps I was mistaken in keeping this all from you, but I dreamt I could save you from your fate. Now the lessons I should have taught you, you'll have to learn without me. But my heart and love are with you always. Know that you are not alone. [ Insects buzzing ] Sebastian: Mary certainly chose her protégé well. Wainwright: How so? Sebastian: Most men fear two things... The demon-haunted night and the woods filled with Indians and far worser beasts. And yet, here you are, and you're not the slightest bit afraid. Wainwright: My mind is not shackled by the petty superstitions and fairy tales of religion. Sebastian: Well, let us just say there are accurate superstitions and true fairy tales. As you will soon learn, all true knowledge once came from the one they call the devil. He attempted, eons ago, to bestow this knowledge on a man and woman. Wainwright: Adam and Eve? Sebastian: As I said, some fairy tales are real. Are you ready to take a bite out of that forbidden fruit? Wainwright: I am. At whatever cost, I am. It's all that I've ever wanted from life... Answers. Sebastian: Rest assured, dear doctor, after tonight, all the secrets of the universe will be laid out before you and all your questions answered. That is, of course, should you complete your initiation with your sanity intact. Wainwright: I have so much to learn. I thank you, sir. Really. I believe my entire life has been leading to this very moment. Ever since I was a child, I-I've dreamt of nothing more than seeking out the hidden places in nature. Now I feel like... An explorer on the edge of an undiscovered continent. But not this continent... Something far greater. Sebastian: So you are, my optimistic friend. Now let your exploration begin. Wainwright: [ Screams ] Sebastian: To your exploration, sir. You shall be the first man since Dante to enter Hell alive. Fear not. I will be there to comfort Mary in your absence. Tituba: You wanted to see me? Mary: He is gone. Tituba: Who's gone? Mary: My son. You remember him. The one you spent all those years lying to me about. The Countess has him and prepares him for a sacrifice, but you know all about that, don't you? I seem to be the only one who didn't. Why? Why did you deceive me for all those years? Tituba: If I'd have told you, you never would have gone through with any of it. I did what was necessary. Mary: You were my friend. Tituba: Was I? Or was I never anything but your property? Your good father owned me like a horse or a cow, and I was to care for you. And I did. You were just a girl. What would you have done with a child? Mary: I would have loved him. I do love him. Tituba: And how long would your love have sustained you both in the wilderness? Mary: So you gave him away. Tituba: No. No, I didn't give him away. We sold him to the devil himself like I was sold as a slave time and time again. But unlike me, he fetched a great price. I told you then... In return, all the world would be yours. And so it is. And so it will be if you could just learn to harden your heart. Mary: What if I never wanted the world? What if a heart, a real heart, and the love that goes with it, is all I ever wanted? Tituba: Tell me, did you find any last night when you were spreading your legs for the good doctor while they snatched your child? Mary: [ Exclaims ] Tituba: Good. Let's see this true heart of yours. Go on. Do it. Cut mine out. Kill the only person who's ever devoted themself entirely to you. Go on. Do it. Do it. If you think killing me will bring back any of the love you've lost, you're wrong. Only sparing me will. Mary: How? Tituba: John Alden is alive. Mary: John. I can't imagine what you must think. John: [ Inhales deeply ] It's easy. I just keep asking myself... "How did I ever love you?" Mary: I thought you were dead. I had no idea you were held here like this. Yes, I am one of the witches, but... John: No. No. You were never just one of them. You rule them. Why? Mary: Would it make a difference? John: Maybe. Maybe make me think that you were worth loving once upon a time. Mary: War. War against all our enemies. The very ones whose demise we dreamt of in our youth... The black-cloaked hypocrites who branded our friends, forbade our love, crushed all our hopes and dreams. I did nothing on my own behalf but everything for the world I thought we both wanted. And if it took their blood, all of their blood, to build it, then so be it. John: Bullshit. You... You've been lying to me from the moment I first left Salem. And you've never ceased lying since. Mary: If so, I have been repaid in lies a thousandfold, used by the other witches to do what I would never, ever do. John: And what's that? Hmm? Mary: Kill our son. John: Our son? Mary: I have no life worth saving and nothing I've planned will ever come to be. I have no lies left, John, only an awful truth. Tituba: Wait. I know that he looks weak, but do not be deceived. He will kill us both. He's the witch killer. He's not the man you once loved. Mary: Well, none of us are who were once were, are we? John: [ Grunts ] Mary: Kill me if you must, but it will not alter the facts. We do have a son. And they mean to kill him. Cotton: I need to speak to Anne Hale. She would want to come with me. Hathorne: Oh, isn't that just like the scoundrel? To doom an innocent with his own misery and punishment. Cotton: She is to be my wife. Hathorne: Perhaps. But that was before she knew just how far outside the bounds you'd step. But don't worry. I'll make sure she's informed of your situation. And when she cries over your predicament, I promise my own comforting shoulder will await her. Tell anyone who asks the coach was attacked by Pequot. Make sure he's dead by the time you reach Amherst. Mary: This is John's room. He asked who his father was. I told him you were the very best of men, as was your father before you. He asked your name, and he claimed it for himself. When you went to war, I was a woman alone with child. John: Why didn't you tell me? If I'd known... Mary: You would have stayed and died at George Sibley's order. No. No, I had no escape till Tituba offered me salvation. John: You gave him up? Mary: Yes. I gave up our unborn child's life so that I might have a life of my own with you someday. What was I to do, John? I thought you died in the war. I had no word from you. You left me with no choice. For seven long years, I have lived with the guilt that I left our unborn child for dead in those woods, never to take his first breath, never to see his first sunrise, to hear his mother's heart beat, to look into his father's eyes. John: You told me none of it! Mary: When you came back to Salem, it was too late for us. And they would have killed you. They nearly did. It took all my strength to shield you from them. I loved you with all my heart. Life had passed us by, and I believed the child we had created was gone forever. John: But our son lived? Mary: Yes. Yes, that was the real lie. They didn't want him dead, not then. I was deceived by the Essex witches, by all those around me, by the only friend I had. All those years that I believed our child was dead, Tituba knew that he was being raised in the woods by the Elders. She kept it a secret until that night we were to meet under the moon and leave Salem forever. But before I could come to you, Tituba brought our little boy to me. I couldn't abandon him yet again. I had to stay with our son. John: I have a son. We have a son. Mary: We do. John: [ Chuckles ] Mary: And if we don't stop them, he will die never knowing you. You said you came to kill witches. Was it really just to kill me? Just vengeance? Or do you want to stop them, stop what I started, what they mean to finish? John, I beg you. Forget what you think of me. Hate me. Kill me. Just walk away and never see me again. But first, help me save our son. Mr. Hale: You have known for some time that you can move objects with your thought and without touch, but you must learn to do it without the heat of emotion. A lightning bolt may scorch an entire forest. Only a human hand can build a fire and tend a flame. Control is all. There is one power above all others, a divine power that comes with the greatest of responsibilities... That of life and death. The essence in all things is palpable to you. With it, you can give life or snatch it away. This is the truest malice a witch may perform... To kill at a distance with nothing but their will. You may wonder, dear daughter, with such gifts at your disposal, why I hid them from you. Because, dearest, there is no gift that is not also a curse, and I wish you save you from the price of your gifts. But having come this far, the price must be paid. I am so deeply sorry, my child, but it cannot be escaped or evaded. No gift without a curse. And he... is... the curse. Anne: [ Breathing shakily ] [ Creature growls in distance ] [ Screams ] [ Screams ] No! No! No! [ Crying ] Cotton! Cotton, help! [ Distantly ]: Cotton! [ Animal howls ] John: How can we find our son? Mary: Countess Marburg has him, but he will be well-guarded. John: No matter. I'll kill them all. Mary: No. No, she is far too powerful, stronger than any witch I've seen. But I know her weakness. Tomorrow night, she will take our son to the crags. They will be expecting me to join them, but you will be waiting for them, making sure our son remains out of harm's way. John: And where will you be? Mary: On the bitch's ship, finding her Achilles' heel and preparing to crush her. [ Indistinct talking ] Countess Marburg: Isn't it beautiful? A new star shines in Heaven just for you. And by the time it passes, you'll be that star. [ Indistinct chatter ] Mary: Do not fear, little one. Your father and I are coming for you.
doc_253	(Seattle Scenes) MVO: My college campus has a magic statue. (SGH Façade) MVO: It's a long-standing tradition for students to rub it's nose for good luck. (Doctor is writing on OR board) MVO: My freshman roommate really believed in the statue's power... (Meredith and Addison in scrub room) MVO: ...and insisted on visiting it to rub it's nose before every exam. (Meredith watches Addison take off her wedding ring and pin it to her scrubs. After pinning them on, Addison pats them for good measure.) (Burke is speaking with a nurse.) Burke: Are you sure my scrub caps weren't in the laundry delivery? Nurse: I triple-checked. Burke: You're sure? Nurse: Yeah, I'm sure. MVO: Studying might have been a better idea. She flunked out her sophomore year. But the fact is we all have little superstitious things that we do. (Derek is getting ready to start operating) Derek: All right, everybody. It's a beautiful morning to save lives. Let's have some fun. MVO: If it's not believing in magic statues, it's avoiding sidewalk cracks, or always putting out left shoe on first. (Bailey is at an operating table, she takes a few breaths before starting) Bailey: Ok. MVO: Knock on wood. Bailey: Ten blade. (Addison and Meredith's surgery) MVO: Step on a crack, break your mother's back. (A blood vessel bursts and the monitor starts beeping) (Burke's OR) Burke: Paddles. (Cristina hands him the interior heart paddles) Burke: Ten joules. (The monitor starts beeping) (Derek's OR) Anesthesiologist: He's having a reaction. I have to take him off. Derek: I'm in the middle of his brain. (Monitor starts beeping) (Bailey's OR) Bailey: We're losing him. (Monitor starts beeping) (Derek's OR. A nurse is removing his head gear, the patient has obviously died.) (Burke's OR. A nurse is removing his head gear, the patient has obviously died.) (Bailey's OR, the patient has obviously died) Bailey: Time of death... (Burke's OR) Burke: Time of death... (Derek's OR) Derek: Time of death... (Addison's OR) Addison: Call it, Grey. MVO: The last thing we want to do is offend the gods. Meredith: Time of death 8:17. (The interns are in the locker room, changing.) George: Four surgeries, four fatalities and the day has barely started. (To Cristina) Can I have a bite of that? Cristina: No. You're in my apartment, you don't get to be in my food. George: Dr. Burke gave me a protein bar, this morning. Cristina: Burke packs his lunch for him. Did I mention? Izzie: I talked to the morgue guy this morning. Meredith: The one with the unibrow? Izzie: The one with the like teeth thing. And he said that surgical fatalities come in threes and sevens. Says there'll be three more before midnight. Cristina: Well, ok then. Since "dead tooth" morgue guy said so. Izzie: He's the morgue guy. He knows things about death. (Meredith picks up something from the floor and tries to hand it to George) Meredith: You dropped this. (George doesn't take it and walks away) He's still ignoring me. Cristina: Ignore him back. Meredith: Derek says I should apologize until he listens. Cristina: Derek says? Meredith: It's good advice. He's my friend. That's good friend advice. (Alex walks up and pulls Izzie aside) Izzie: What? Alex: Did you sneak out last night? Izzie: Yeah. I, um...I couldn't sleep. (Bailey enters) Bailey: Come on. Meredith: Where? Bailey: ER. George: All of us? Bailey: We've all had deaths. Let's all go save a life. (They all begin walking through the hall, as they walk by the nurse's station Addison stops them.) Addison: Uh, Dr. Bailey. (Hands her a cup) Here you go. Bailey: What's this? Addison: Hot cocoa. It's a little ritual we had in New York. Four surgeries, four deaths, I figure we could all use a little good juju. Bailey: And cocoa equals juju how? Addison: Hey, hey, hey. Don't question the cocoa. Carry on. (They all start to walk away, Meredith is trailing behind.) Meredith. (Hands her a cup) Thank you for your help this morning. Meredith: Oh. Thank you, Addison. Addison: Yeah. Thank you. (Derek observes the exchange between Meredith and Addison. After Meredith leaves he walks up.) Addison: Here you go. (She hands him a cup) Derek: Juju. Addison: Yep. Derek: You jujued Meredith. Addison: I did. In the spirit of friendship. Derek: Hmm. Addison: What? Are we not being friends with Meredith anymore? Derek: No, no, we are. Meredith and I are friends. Addison: And you and I are married. So then, by proxy, Meredith and I are friends. Derek: That's very big of you. Addison: Yeah. Derek: You don't have to do that. It's not like I'm gonna be friends with let's say, uh...Mark. Addison: Yeah, well, neither am I. Now finish your juju before somebody else dies. Derek: Hmm. (Meredith enters a room where she throws away the cup of juju.) (Burke is walking through the hallway talking on his cell phone.) Burke: There are ten of them. Music notes. Colorful patterns. They were sent out last night. (Burke walks up to the OR board where Richard is standing) Richard: Sorry to hear about your valve replacement, this morning. Burke: The laundry misplaced my scrub caps. Richard: You know, there's some foolish talk going around about fatality clusters in threes and sevens. Burke (On phone): Look, are you sure they weren't sent to another hospital? Richard: (To Nurse who is erasing the OR board) How many electives have they canceled today? Nurse: This is our third. Richard: And what have the surgeons' been giving as their reasons? Burke (On phone): Because I prefer my own caps. Richard: You're not pushing your surgeries because you don't have your personal caps. You understand me? Burke (Looking confused): I didn't push any surgeries. (On phone) No, no. The question is: when will you find them? (Burke walks away) Richard: No one changes that board unless they talk to me. No one. (Bailey and her interns are gathered around a silent ER) Cristina: Great. No blood, no guts, no lives to save. It's dead quiet. Bailey: Did you really just say that? Izzie: Cristina... Cristina: What? George: You said the Q-word. Izzie: It's like saying Macbeth in theater. Cristina: Please. You think because someone says it's quiet that it'll mean... (ER doors open) Woman: Can somebody help us here? She's coughing up blood. Bailey: O'Malley! Take that. (Everyone's pagers start beeping) Alex: Denny Duquette. Izzie: I got it. Alex: He's my patient. Bailey: He's both your patients. Answer the call. Nurse: Two incoming. (Ambulance bay) Bailey: Ok, uh, Yang, first one's yours. Grey, take number two. Paramedic: Jesse Fannon, 32, unrestrained driver in a rear end collision. There was spider webbing on the front windshield where his head hit. BP's 120 palp. Pulse 75. Bailey: Well, what do you want to do, Yang? (Man is counting on his fingers) Cristina: Primary and secondary survey. Uh, head CT and X-ray. Bailey: Ok. Page Shepherd when you get there. Jesse: Wait! I'm counting the siren whoops. We can't go until it reaches 33. Paramedic: He also seems to have a touch of OCD. (Other ambulance) Paramedic: Nikki Ratlin, 30, erratic BP in the field. Complaining of chest and leg pain. Meredith: What happened? Nikki: I got struck by lightning. Cristina: Can anyone spell coincidence? (ER) Nikki: My horoscope said, "Stay close to home today." Aries couldn't have been any clearer. Ok, I guess it could have said, "Don't leave the house today unless you want to get struck by lightning." Ouch. Bailey: See, Ms. Ratlin, you have no sign of wounds from lightning. Nikki: It was a sign. Clearly getting struck by lightning is a sign. I sign that I shouldn't have left my house. Meredith: Nikki, normally people struck by lightning have a wound where the bolt entered and exited the body. Nikki: Well...well, I wasn't struck struck. The tree was struck and it fell on me. Meredith: A tree fell on you? Nikki: A big, like, branch or limb, Whatever. Same difference. (Bailey scribbles on the paper that she had been writing on and crumbles it up.) Bailey: No, actually, medically, it isn't the same difference. And it would be helpful if from now on you told us the whole truth. Nikki: You want to know the truth? My boyfriend loves that tree. He's totally going to freak out. Ow. (George runs up to Richard in the hall) George: Chief? There's a Ms. Warner down in Admitting. She's asking for you. Richard: Who? (Richard and George get in the elevator) George: Um, Olive Warner? Fifties. Uh, blonde hair. She said she's known you for about 20 years. Richard: Are you talking about Ollie? George: Right. Ok. Uh, Ollie Warner. She presented with upper GI bleeding. And she had a TIPSS procedure last month for esophageal varices. (Richard and George exit the elevator, he walks up the woman who had been coughing up blood.) Richard: I'll take this from here, O'Malley. George: Happy to help, sir. Richard: No, thank you. I got this myself. (To Woman) Ollie. Ollie: Hi, Richard. Good to see you. (Alex and Izzie are in Denny's room) Alex: Sinus tachycardia, low-grade fever, pulse ox 75. Izzie: I'm hearing rales in your lungs. Denny: Yeah. A freight train rolls through at noon. Izzie: How bad is the pain? Denny: I don't know. A five or six when I breathe. Alex: Which means a seven or eight when you're not trying to impress your doctor. Denny: Heard, uh, four people died in surgery this morning. Sid they were expecting three more. Alex: You get that from a nurse? Denny: Never reveal my sources. Just like to avoid the OR. (Alex and Izzie exchange looks) And I'm not liking that look. (Izzie sits on the edge of Denny's bed) Izzie: This could be a pulmonary embolism, Denny. A complication from the LVAD surgery. We gonna have to talk to Dr. Burke. (Alex clears his throat and Izzie stands up) (Meredith and Cristina are in the elevator with their patients) Meredith: I got hot chocolated. The She-Shepherd hot chocolated me. It's her juju. Cristina: I don't like people who say juju. Nikki: I say juju. Jesse: Juju, juju, juju. Juju, juju, juju. Juju, juju, juju. Meredith: I didn't drink it. Jesse: Juju, juju, juju. Nikki: You're not obligated to honor someone else's juju. Jesse: Juju, juju, juju. Cristina: Thought you were being friends. Jesse: Juju, juju, juju. Meredith: I am. With him. Do I have to be friends with her too? Jesse: Juju, juju, juju. Nikki: Definitely not. Jesse: Juju, juju, juju. Cristina: Maybe. Jesse. Juju, juju, juju. Meredith: I'll, uh, call psych for you. Cristina: That'd be good. Thanks. Nikki (Screaming): Ow! Ow! (Callie is setting Nikki's broken leg.) Callie: All right. That's the worst of it. Nikki: Oh, I never should have gotten out of bed. But I really wanted to surprise my boyfriend before he left for school. He had a huge exam today and I just, you know, I wanted to wish him luck. (George enters the room) George: Dr. Torres. Hey. Hi. Uh, can I give you a hand? Callie: You missed the boat, George. George: You mean on this case or...? Callie: Or...a hot chick gives you her number, you're supposed to call. Nikki: Yeah. George: I...I was...I mean, I am. Callie: Too late. Nikki: Ouch. Don't give up. I mean, if you really like her. (Meredith enters) George: Uh...ok. (George leaves) Nikki: Ok, the plot thickens. Callie: Nikki, Dr. Grey here is going to take you upstairs for a CT. But before she does, I have to ask: you're bruised all up and down your left side. You sure a tree branch did all this? Nikki: You think my boyfriend did this? He would never hit a woman. Ever. Callie: Mm-hmm. The bruises doesn't look like a tree branch hit you. Nikki: Fine. Ok, you guys are going to think I'm really weird, but I was sort of up in the tree when the lightning hit. And...I fell. Callie: You climbed a tree in a thunderstorm? Nikki: I really wanted it to be a surprise, you know, for my boyfriend. And...um, I just...I had to see if his psycho dog was in the yard because of, like, the barking and stuff and...I know. It sounds really weird. Does it sound really weird? Meredith: Not at all. Callie: No. Nikki: and this thing is, I mean, he wasn't even there. Meredith: The dog? Nikki: No. My boyfriend. He wasn't even home. I really shouldn't have gotten out of bed. (Derek walks by Cristina, she stops him) Cristina: Oh, Dr. Shepherd. I've got a 34-year-old male with a blunt head trauma and severe case of OCD. Derek: Oh, really. Did you call for a psych consult? Cristina: Yes. Derek: Let me know when you get a CT. Cristina: Ok. Derek: Thank you. (Derek walks away and Burke walks up) Burke: Hey. Cristina: Hey. Hey, uh, sorry about that, uh, valve replacement. Burke: Oh, thank you. Laundry lost my caps. Cristina: The guy didn't die because you weren't wearing one of your caps. Burke: I know that. I just prefer to operate wearing my own. It's a comfort thing. Cristina: Huh, well...I prefer having George out of our apartment. So I guess we both have comfort things. Burke: Yeah, what are you saying? Cristina: Uh, you know, um...I have one of your caps in my locker. Burke: Why do you have one of my caps... Cristina: That's not the point. You know, the point is, um, is that I think I'm going to keep it hostage. So you kick Bambi out and you get your cap back. Burke: Oh, well. I don't do well with ultimatums. Cristina: Maybe you should think of it more as a...trade. (Cristina walks away and George exits the elevator) George: Dr. Burke. I've got free time. Do you have any cases, do you need help... Burke: Actually, I do. (They both get into the elevator) Burke: Cristina has something of mine and I need you to get it back. (Richard enters Ollie's room. A young lady is in the room with Ollie.) Richard: Gretchen, would you mind leaving us alone for a minute? Gretchen: Ok. Richard: Thank you. Ollie: She's my new baby. Six months sober, she's already on the ninth step. Richard: You must be proud. Ollie: Always. Richard: You're on a transplant list, Ollie? Ollie: A couple of years now. Richard: The cirrhosis prevents blood from flowing into your liver. So it's backing up into your esophagus. Causing the ruptures. It's serious, Oll. Ollie: Well, of course it is. I mean, you don't puke blood if it's not serious. The question is: can you treat it? Richard: Maybe. Surgically. We'll have to run more tests and...whatever we do, it's a stop-gap. You need a new liver. Ollie: Yet another reason I should've laid off the sauce. You look scared. Richard: I am scared, Ollie. Ollie: Haven't seen you at a meeting in a while. Richard: I know, I know. Ollie: How've you been? Richard: We're talking about you. Ollie: Now I'm asking about you. Richard: Ellis Grey's daughter's working at the hospital. Ellis is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. I try to go see her every chance I get. Ollie: You're having an affair with the woman who drove you to your alcoholic bottom. Richard: Ollie, we're not having an affair. She's sick. Ollie: You're lying to your wife? Richard: I'm not lying. Ollie: You're lying by omission. You are having an emotional affair. And now you're lying to your sponsor about it. Richard: You haven't been my sponsor in years. Ollie: I still have the right to bust your ass if I see you slipping. Richard: I'm not slipping. Ollie: Not yet. But you're making a pretty big mess. (Richard stands up and sighs) How many years you have now? Richard: Just passed 17. Ollie: I'm proud of you. And I'm scared too. Richard: You got me sober, Ollie. You walked me through it. (He takes her hand) And I'm going to walk you through this. (George is digging through Cristina's locker) George: Ok. That's... (Cristina enters the locker room) George: She still has... Cristina: You're a pervy little boy, George. And you're not finding the cap. George: I'll do your dishes for a month. Cristina: I don't do dishes. George: I'll do your laundry. Cristina: I don't do laundry. George: Maybe that's why Burke likes having me around. Cristina: Interesting, interesting. Are you having s*x with him? George: No. Cristina: Then he likes having me around more. George: Why's it always have to be a competition? What do you want for the cap? Cristina: You out of the apartment. George: I'm not leaving until Burke says I have to leave. Cristina: Then you're not getting the cap. Now clean up my crap. George: No. (Bailey and Meredith are looking at CT scans) Meredith: Wow. Is that her spleen? Bailey: Looks like a grade three laceration. Maybe a four. What was she doing standing under a tree in a thunderstorm? Meredith: She wasn't standing under it. She was climbing it. Bailey: Why? Meredith: Uh...I'm getting the feeling she's a little bit of a stalker. Bailey: Do we need to call the police? Meredith: I don't think so. I think she's more a gentle stalker than a "kill you with a knife" stalker. Bailey: Right. Well, let's hope she lives to gently stalk another day. Meredith: Hey, you don't believe in that seven fatality thing, do you? Bailey: I believe this girl needs her spleen removed immediately. Go pick up the labs and get her on the board. Then we'll break the news. (Denny is breathing heavily, on a OR table) Izzie: It's almost over. Denny: You like horses, Izzie? Izzie: Everybody likes horses. Denny: That's not true. You know, horses are a great judge of character. You don't like horses, means they don't like you. Izzie: Huh. Alex: I've got an uncle that's a rodeo cowboy. Denny: Huh. No kidding. Burke: This is a big clot, Denny. I can't get it with the catheter. I'm sorry. We're gonna have to open your chest again. (Cristina is taking Jesse to CT) Jesse: I was counting the clicks. The...turn signal clicks. I couldn't move until it hit 333. The light was green, but I couldn't move. I can't blame them for hitting me. Raj: How long have you been feeling these compulsions? Jesse: A little bit all my life, but it's been out of control the last three years. Raj: Onset at 30 is typical. Jesse: Ruined a marriage. I can't hold a job... Cristina: Ok, Mr. Fannon, do you... Jesse: Is it clean? I need to know if it's clean. Cristina: It's very clean. Raj: Any relatives with OCD? Jesse: My mother. Killed herself at 38. Ruined her life. Now it's ruining mine. (Cristina clears her throat) Jesse: Clean, clean, clean? Cristina: Uh, we clean it between each patient. Raj: I think he needs you to say "clean, clean, clean." Cristina: It's clean, clean, clean. Jesse: Thank you. I know it's annoying. I can't help it. (Cristina walks past the window and sees George watching from the other side) Jesse: Uh, find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. Cristina: Ok, Mr. Fannon, do you... Jesse: Find a penny... Raj: Repetitive rhymes, prayers. It's classic. He needs to say it a specific number of times. Probably a multiple of three. Cristina: Let's get him in before he decides to start again. Raj: Is everything all right with, uh...that? (Raj nods to the window where George has his face pressed against it) Jesse: Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. Cristina: Just, uh, don't look at him. (Meredith is walking through the halls, highlighting a book. She walks up to Derek, at the same time Addison exits a nearby elevator.) Meredith: Hey. Derek: Hi. Meredith: Hey... Addison: Oh, hey. Meredith: Hi. Derek: Hi. Meredith: I, uh...have to... Derek: Yeah. Addison: Yeah. (Meredith walks away) Derek: I do too. (Derek walks away) Addison: Yeah, I got...something too, so... [SCENE_BREAK] (Richard is in Ollie's room, talking to Ollie and Gretchen.) Richard: I wish I had good news. The TIPSS procedure you had last month failed. Gretchen: What does that mean? Ollie: It means you're lucky you got sober young. Richard: Ollie, it means I'm going to have to put in a portacaval shunt. It's complicated. It has only a 50% survival rate. Ollie: What's my other choice? (Richard just looks at her) Ok, then. Um...you'll be the one to do it? Richard: I've performed this surgery nine times. Had four patients survive. Ollie: It's perfect then. I'll be your five out of ten. (Bailey and Meredith enter Nikki's room) Nikki: I'm not having surgery today. Bailey: You have a ruptured spleen. Nikki: And I'm sure that the spleen is very important. But I'm not having surgery today. You can operate after midnight but not one minute before. Bailey: Miss Ratlin, if I thought it would be safe I'd be more than happy to wait until after midnight. However, I have a husband and a baby at home who won't be happy. You know who else won't be happy? You. Your spleen is bleeding. Spleen trumps horoscope. Nikki: But it was more than just my horoscope. I went out to my car this morning. Flat tire. That's a sign, but I just changed the tire. Then there's a wreck on the freeway. Do I turn around and go home like it's telling me to? No, I detour an hour out of my way so that I can get to Kevin's house. And when I get to Kevin's house, I get struck by lightning! Meredith: But you weren't struck by lightning. Nikki: I'll die, ok? If you operate on my today I will die because I know I will. Please, just...just call my boyfriend and tell him that I'm having an operation at midnight. Because he will want to be here. Meredith: Ok. Nikki: Please. (Bailey and Meredith start walking out of the room.) Meredith: Should I call psych? Bailey: You can give it a shot. In the meanwhile, get her down to ICU. Poor girl's going to kill herself trying not to die. (Alex is drawing Denny's blood) Alex: Izzie paints a pretty picture because she likes you, you know? Denny: Ok. Alex: I'm just saying she likes you. Which is going to be hard on her. Denny: You mean...when I die? Come on. I'm asking you...man-to-man. Alex: With a clot in your pulmonary artery, it'll cut off the oxygen to your lungs and you'll die of hypoxia. If the hypoxia doesn't kill you, the strain on your heart will. Denny: And the surgery? Alex: It's not a routine procedure. You're at serious risk for bleeding because of the anticoagulants already in your system. What I'm saying is Izzie likes you. And she's not going to be the one to pull away. (Meredith and Cristina are at the lunch table in the outdoor cafeteria.) Meredith: How's your guy? Cristina: Brain's bleeding. Needs surgery. Want to know why? Because he couldn't move his car until he stopped counting. Meredith: My girl? Ruptured spleen? Won't have surgery because of her horoscope. Cristina: Oh, well, we should introduce them. They make a nice crazy couple. (George walks up and sits down) Cristina: Uh, you know what? I'm sitting with Meredith. Have some self-respect. George: Dr. Burke's orders trump any personal issues I might have. Meredith: Is the craziness rubbing off on him? Cristina: He's trying to...stalk Burke's lucky cap from me. Meredith: Burke has hat juju? Cristina: Apparently. Meredith: And you're using it against him? Cristina: Well, they're forcing me to. Because of the clarinet playing and the running and all the breakfast food. (Izzie walks up and sits down) Izzie: You guys, this whole death cluster thing is just ridiculous, right? I mean, just cause four died today doesn't necessarily mean there'll be three more before midnight. Cristina: It doesn't, Tinkerbell? For reals? Meredith: Are you worried about Denny? Izzie: Yeah. Of course I am. He's my patient. I mean, but if you're asking me if I'm "worried" about Denny, no. I'm sleeping with Alex, so...it's just...Hey, did Burke say anything to you...about Denny's surgery? Did he...? Cristina: No. It's your case. Izzie: Yeah. I know. I'm just asking that, you know, as your boyfriend, if... Cristina: I don't know why you'd care. You're sleeping with Alex, right? Izzie: Yeah. Cristina: Yeah. Izzie: Right. No, whatever. I'm just saying. There's no such thing as a death cluster. It's just stupid. Right? Meredith: I have to go convince my patient to let us operate. Cristina: Mm-hmm. (Cristina and Derek are talking with Jesse) Jesse: You're removing part of my skullcap? Do you really have to do that? Derek: It's the only way I can get to the affected part of the brain. Jesse: And the operating room, it's clean, clean, clean? Derek: Yes. It's clean, clean, clean. I'm gonna go get ready. (Derek leaves, Jesse starts clicking the light on and off) Cristina: Can you stop that, please? Jesse: No. Sorry. I wish I could. (Cristina moves to reveal George standing behind her.) Jesse (to George): She's judging me. George: No, she's not. Cristina: Yes, she is. I've been living with this for three years. And it's always the people who are most like me who judge me the most. You're type A, right? Straight A student? Top of your class? Cristina: Yes, I was. Jesse: So, you've managed to turn your compulsions into something productive. But we're cut from the same cloth. That's why you can't stand me. Cristina: Oh. Time to go. Jesse: But I'm not done. Cristina: Uh, yes you are, sir. George: How many do you have to do? Jesse: 96. George: Let him finish. Cristina: Fine. I'll see you in the OR. (Ollie, Gretchen and a group of people are in her room. Richard walks by the window. ) Ollie: Oh, there's Richard. (Gretchen exits the room) Gretchen: Hey. Ollie says you should come in. She says you need a meeting. Richard: Not now. Not here. Gretchen: Yeah. Except she said to tell you not to protect your anonymity over your sobriety. (Richard follows Gretchen into the room, he closes the door behind him) All: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen. Richard: Amen. (Denny is in the hallway prepped for surgery. Izzie walks up to him.) Izzie: Hey. How you feeling? Denny: Do me a favor? My will is inside my nightstand. Just make sure it gets in the right hands, ok? Izzie: Why are you talking about your will? Denny: We have to be realistic, Dr. Stevens. Izzie: Dr. Stevens? Denny: We got to be realistic. And if you can't, well, I can. Izzie (to Doctors): No, wait, um...can you wait just one minute? Denny, Denny, listen to me. You're not going to die. You can't go into surgery thinking your going to die. (Cristina enters the women's bathroom, George follows her.) Cristina: You want me to pee in front of you, is that what you want? George: You have it on you. Cristina: Oh, really? You want to go there? George: I wanna go there. Cristina: So, what are you going to do, Bambi? You gonna what, take it from me? George: Burke said to do whatever I have to do and I'm going to do whatever. (George starts grabbing Cristina) Cristina: George, it's not there. You're not getting it. Oh! No. No, you're not going to...No. (Callie exits a bathroom stall, looking confused.) Cristina: No. Oh! You've got my breast. That's my breast. That's my breast. My breast. (Callie starts washing her hands. They realize that someone is in the bathroom and stop fighting.) George: Hey, Dr. Torres. Callie: Dr. O'Malley, You're aware this is the women's restroom? George: Yes, ma'am. Callie: Good. (Callie leaves) Cristina: Dude. You called her ma'am. She's never going to sleep with you now. (George is in the hall and bumps into Izzie.) George: Oh, hey. Have you seen Burke? Izzie: He's on the phone with the laundry. They still can't find his scrub caps. George: That's what I got to tell him. Cristina won't give hers back. Unless I'm ready to hit a woman. And even though it's Cristina, I'm not ready to cross that line. Izzie: Wait! Wait, a moment. Cristina has one of Burke's scrub caps? George: She's holding it hostage. Why do you think I am stalking her? You... (Izzie runs off. She walks up behind Cristina, grabs her arm and pulls her into an office.) Cristina: Uh, ow. You're touching me. Izzie: George says you have Burke's scrub cap. Cristina: So? Izzie: Give it to him. Cristina: No. Izzie: Give it to him, Cristina. Cristina: What is with you? Izzie: He needs it to operate. Cristina: No, he doesn't. Izzie: That isn't your decision to make. Not when he's going in on Denny. Now, are you gonna give it to him or am I gonna physically take it from you? Cristina: Are you threatening me? Izzie: I swear to God, Cristina, I like you, I really do. But I grew up in a trailer park and I am not about kicking your pampered little Beverly Hills ass. And I do mean physically kicking your ass. (Cristina and Izzie walk up to Burke.) Cristina: You don't have to follow me. (Izzie gives her a look and walks away. Cristina hands the scrub cap to Burke.) Burke: Well, thank you. How long have you had this? It's one of my favorites. Cristina: You know, you don't need it. I keep that cap in my locker because every morning I look at it and I'm reminded of what I'm here for and what I want to be. A great surgeon. A surgeon who is decisive, and who executes, and who doesn't need a piece of clothing to give him an edge in surgery. You don't need it. Burke: I know. You're right. Cristina: I know I'm right. (Cristina walks away. Burke puts the scrub cap on and starts to head toward surgery. He passes George on the way.) Burke: Nicely done, O'Malley. Let's go scrub in. (Meredith is examining Nikki.) Nikki: How am I doing? Meredith: Nikki, is it possible you're misreading the signs? I mean, isn't two surgeons telling you that you need surgery a sign that you need surgery? Nikki: Did you call my boyfriend? Meredith: I did. Nikki: What'd he say? Meredith: He said he hasn't been your boyfriend in a while. Nikki: Did you tell him I got struck by lightning? (Scrub outside Denny's surgery. Alex is there and Izzie enters.) Izzie: What did you say to him? Alex: Who? Izzie: You know who. What the hell? Why does Denny think he's dying? Alex: Well, maybe because there's a good chance he is. Izzie: Just so we're clear. We're over, Alex. This is over. Alex: What? You're breaking up with me over a corpse? Izzie: No! No. I am breaking up with you because on your very best day...that corpse is twice the man you will ever be. You're not good enough for me, Alex. You're not good enough for anyone. (Burke enters and realizes something is going on.) Burke: You two, you're not scrubbing in. Whatever's going on with you, I don't need it in my OR. Alex: Fine. I'll watch from the gallery. Burke: No, no, you won't. You will take your energy as far away from my OR as you can get. (Alex leaves) Burke: Both of you. (Izzie leaves and George and Burke start scrubbing in.) (Jesse is in the OR getting ready for surgery.) Jesse: Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. Find a penny, pick it up... Cristina: We're going to give you your anesthetic now. Jesse: all day long you'll have good luck. Find a penny, pick it up... Cristina: I'm sorry but we have to start. Jesse: Find a penny, pick it up... (Seattle scenes) (Derek is starting Jesse's surgery.) Derek: It's a beautiful afternoon to save lives, people. Lets have some fun. (Denny's OR, Burke and George get ready to start the surgery.) (Ollie's OR, Richard and Bailey get ready to start the surgery.) Richard: The incision begins along the left subcostal margin, across the right rectus, and extending well into the flank. (Meredith enters) Meredith: Dr. Bailey? It's Nikki Ratlin. Richard: I'll be all right, Bailey. Go. (Bailey and Meredith enter Nikki's room) Bailey: She, uh...yeah, she's bleeding out. We need to get her to the OR now. Nikki: I don't want an operation. Meredith: Nikki, your boyfriend called. He said he doesn't want you to die. Nikki: Kevin called? Meredith: Yes. Will you let us operate? (She flatlines) Meredith: Nikki? Bailey: Oh, code blue. Come on. (Bailey pressed the code button and code team rushes in.) Bailey: Ok. Charge to 200. Doctor: 200. Bailey: Clear. (Izzie is standing in front of the OR board, breathing deeply.) (Richard is operating on Ollie.) Richard: You have the back row of sutures in place. Give me some...clear field. Doctor: Pressure's dropping. Richard: Hang another unit. I need the field clear. (Nikki's room) Bailey: Clear. Charge 300! Doctor: Charge. Bailey: Clear. (Derek and Cristina are operating on Jesse.) Derek: Gel foam. That clip should've done it. I don't know. There's something I'm missing. (Burke is operating on Denny) Doctor: He's losing pressure, Dr. Burke. Burke: I'm working as fast as I can. George: We're losing him. (Stairs near the OR board.) Female Intern: I heard they're dying left and right. Male Intern: See? Told you there'd be seven. Izzie: Who? Who died? Female Intern: Don't know. I bet it was that spleen chick. You hear she wouldn't let them operate. Male Intern: Ah, my money's on the chief's shunt. Alex: I have twenty says Burke's guy went down. Dude's a walking time bomb. Male Intern: Bet. (Meredith and Bailey walk up. Meredith erases Nikki from the OR board.) Bailey: That makes five. Izzie: You lost her? Meredith: Yeah. I heard there's a number six. Izzie: Do you know who else? Meredith: No. I'm going to inform the family. (Richard walks out to the waiting room where Gretchen and a group of people are waiting.) Richard: She made it through. (Gretchen hugs him) Gretchen: Thank you. Thank you so much. Man: Thank you. Richard: You're welcome. You're welcome. (Derek and Cristina leave the OR, Jesse didn't make it.) MVO: Superstition lies in the space between what we can control... (Izzie is standing in a room, tears streaking her face.) MVO: and what we can't. Denny: So, I wasn't one of the seven? Izzie: It's past midnight. There were only six. Denny: Then why are you crying? Izzie: I'm not crying. Denny: You are too. Izzie: Oh, damn it. I cannot fall for a patient. Denny: Oh. Ok. Good luck with that. (Izzie smiles then kisses Denny.) MVO: Find a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck. (George enters the locker room, where all the interns are getting ready to go home. He scoffs when he sees Meredith.) Alex: O'Malley, you are a sad excuse for a man. George: Excuse me? Alex: I know you heard me. You're like a whiny little girl. Meredith: Alex. Alex: You know why he's not speaking to you? Because he's not over you. Man, you got laid, it went badly. A man would move on. But you? You mope around this place like a dog that likes to get kicked. You make me sick, and if it wouldn't get me thrown out of the program, I'd smash your pathetic little face right into that locker. MVO: No one wants to pass up a chance for good luck. But does saying it 33 times really help? (Cristina is leaving the hospital.) MVO: Is anyone really listening? (Burke runs to catch up with her.) Burke: Hey. So if you feel that strongly about O'Malley, I'll ask him to leave tonight. Cristina: No, no, don't. Burke: I thought you wanted him out. Cristina: I do. But...not tonight. (Burke pulls the scrub cap out of his pocket.) Burke: Scrub cap. Cristina: Oh. Thank you. Burke: You're welcome. MVO: And if no one's listening, why do we bother doing those strange things at all? (Callie is walking in the ER and runs into George.) George: Hi. I didn't call. I should have called. I just... (Callie walks away. George takes out his phone and calls her.) George: Hi. This is George O'Malley calling. You gave me your phone number. I know I should have called sooner, but I'm calling now. And I just want to know...maybe you want to go out with me sometime? Because...I...love to watch you set bones. And I...oh, I...rarely spend...that much time in a women's restroom. And I really like you. (Callie smiles at him)So...is that a yes? MVO: We rely on superstitions because we're smart enough to know we don't have all the answers. (Addison walks up to Meredith with two cups of coffee) Addison: Hey. Meredith: Hey. Addison: I'm sorry to hear about your patient. Meredith: Thank you, Addison. MVO: And that life works in mysterious ways. (She gives one cup to Meredith and then walks to where Derek is standing and hands him the other cup.) Addison: Here you go, babe. Derek: Thank you. Addison: Hmm. Ready? (He hands the cup back.) Derek: Yeah. Here you go. Thank you. (Derek and Meredith share a glance and then Derek walks away.) MVO: Don't diss the juju...from wherever it comes. (Meredith takes a sip of the coffee and throws the rest away.)
doc_254	Act One. Scene One - KACL Frasier and Roz are in Frasier's booth. Roz is sorting some carts, while Frasier opens his mail. Frasier: Oh look, Roz, Roz, my brochures are here! Oh, god, very exciting! Vacation! Roz takes one of the brochures from Frasier. Roz: Wow! The Golden Door Spa! Frasier: Ooh, yes! Roz: Look at those accommodations! That is nice! She gives the leaflet to Frasier. Frasier: I plan to leave Dad and Eddie to fend for themselves while I go off and spend an obscene amount of money being pampered like a spoiled child. I know it's self-indulgent, but what else are vacations for? By the way, what are you doing for your week off? Roz: Oh, I'm taking my mom to Ireland to stay in the sod house where her mother was born. Frasier: Why don't you just write the words "bad son" on my forehead! Roz: Listen, there is nothing wrong with pampering yourself on your vacation. After all, you do work three hours a day. Frasier stands up, annoyed, turns his back on her, and begins to sort through his brochures on the side bench of the studio. Roz: I'm sorry. That one even surprised me! She walks into the adjoining producer's suite. Frasier follows her through. Frasier: You know, it's just that when I think of the relationship I have with my dad I can't help but envy the relationship you have with your mother. Roz: Well, it didn't just happen. We work at it, spend time together... Frasier: Roz, are you forgetting that my father lives with me? How much more time together could we spend! Roz: Day to day living is different. You know, there is nothing better than taking a trip together. You get to have a little fun, you get to relax... you get to see a whole different side to the other person. Frasier: You know, in his entire life, my dad has never been to Europe. It would be a way of connecting with him if I were the one to give him that. [looks questioningly at Roz] So, what would you charge me to take him to Ireland with you? Roz looks at him with a wry smile on her face and shakes her head. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment Fade back in. Niles is sitting with his face down on the table as Daphne massages his back. Martin is sitting in his chair with the paper in one hand, and is stroking Eddie with the other. Niles: [moaning with pleasure:] Ahh... I should have known this would happen. I always throw out my back when I try to lift Maris's luggage. Daphne: Why didn't you hire a skycap? Niles: Oh, we did for most of it, but Maris won't trust strangers with her makeup case, ever since a ham-handed porter dropped it and broke three vials of rare Swiss lamb placenta. On the upside, the calfskin lining of her case was never more soft and supple. Daphne lifts him to sit up straight, puts her arm around his neck and proceeds to massage his back with the fist of her right hand. Daphne: Where did Mrs. Crane go, anyway? Niles gives more moans of pleasure, and Martin looks round at him in amusement. Niles: She's making her annual pilgrimage to the holy land. Martin: I thought she was going to Dallas to visit her sister. Niles: That is her holy land. It's the site of the first Nieman- Marcus. Martin turns back to his paper, shaking his head. Niles produces more moans of ecstasy. Frasier enters the apartment, carrying his briefcase. Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane... Niles: [still moaning] Oh, call me Niles! Frasier casts his usual look of disapproval and disappointment in Niles's direction, and Niles, noticing him, stands up. Niles: Thank you, Daphne. Frasier: Dad, I've had an idea and I hope you're as excited about it as I am. [opens his briefcase and takes out the holiday brochures] I want to take you on vacation! Martin: [suspicious] Why? Frasier: Well, I thought an adventure might do us good, give us a chance to have some fun, maybe get reacquainted, even do a little bonding. Martin: What'd you have in mind? Frasier: Well, this isn't about where I want to go, this is about where you want to go. Frasier fans out the leaflets and lays them on the table by his father in an extravagant gesture. Frasier: Dad, I give you the world! Martin: [reading one] The Galy-pay-gos islands, huh? "Where iguanas, sea-lions and giant tortoises live in eternal harmony." [to Frasier] Is it important they get along? Frasier: No, I suppose not. Niles has also been looking through the leaflets. Niles: Oh, how about this! India and Nepal! Trek the foothills of the Himalayas! Martin: [tapping his cane] I think you're forgetting about my old pal here. Niles: No problem. Frasier can just hire a really tough little Sherpa to carry you on his back. Martin looks at him stupidly. Niles: They don't mind. Frasier: Well, we obviously haven't struck the right chord yet, but we will, we will. Dad, why don't you just suggest something? Martin: You really want to go on a trip with me? Frasier: Yes I do! I'll go anywhere you want to! Anywhere! Martin: Okay. Well, maybe I'm not as sophisticated as you, but I think I should see America first! Frasier: Great! We're Americans, we should see America! Martin: And I want to see it in a Winnebago! Frasier stands up in horror, but with feigned enthusiasm. Frasier: A Winnebago! Hot damn, that has a real ring to it! He crosses to pour a drink. Martin: Yeah! It's something your mother and I always dreamed about doing when I retired. Frasier: Then that is exactly the trip we are going to take! Martin: You really mean it? Frasier: Absolutely! Daphne: This calls for a celebration! Daphne exits to kitchen, Frasier crosses to fire place and Martin also exits towards the kitchen. Martin: Yeah, let's pop open a couple of beers! I think I've got a bag of pork rinds in here too! Frasier: Oh, the final touch! I almost feel like I'm in a trailer park already! He hangs his head in horror, leaning on the mantelpiece in despair. Niles crosses the room towards him. Niles: [mockingly] Oh, Winnebago Boy? Make sure to hang a lot of beach chairs on the back and give it a really cute name like... "The Whoopin' Cranes!" He dissolves into laughter. Frasier: Oh, Niles. When I agreed to see America with Dad I thought we'd be staying in five-star resorts! When I said together I meant adjoining suites! Niles: Just tell him you think it's a bad idea. Frasier: I can't do that, he's counting on this trip too much. It was his dream, he was going to go on this trip with Mom. Niles: Yeah, but she lucked out and died! [laughs] Frasier pulls Niles to the corner of the apartment to be sure they can't be heard from the kitchen. Frasier: [in desperation] Niles listen, listen. If Dad and I get into a Winnebago together only one of us will come out alive. You've got to come with us! Niles: Frasier, you're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys, but THIS is an imposition! Cut to Martin and Daphne in the kitchen. Daphne is chopping cheese, and Martin sits opposite her. Martin: You've got to come with us! Daphne: Why? Martin: Well, Frasier and I don't have anything to talk about! I always feel more comfortable when there's someone else around, or the TV's blaring. Daphne: Then why did you suggest it? Martin: Well, it sounded like a good idea when it came out of my mouth, but the more I think about it... I mean, can you really see me and Frasier together all day and then crawling into our bunks at Night, lying head to head... bonding? [shivers] Eew! I'll pay you! I've got pension money! Cut back to Niles and Frasier. Frasier: I remember a car trip we took when I was nine? We drove from Seattle to Spokane. The only thing he said to me was, "I think we've got a problem with your brother Frasier." Niles: Those were awful, those family driving vacations. Dad insisting on covering as many miles as possible in a day. The two of us tiny hostages in the back seat, clutching our car sickness bags... straining to see something out of the window as the landscape whizzed by... I was thirteen before I realized cows aren't blurry! Cut to Martin and Daphne. Daphne: Why don't you just tell him you don't want to go? Martin: Oh, you heard how he wants to go. I don't want to disappoint him! Cut to Niles and Frasier. Frasier: I don't want to disappoint him!! Niles: I'm sorry Frasier, I am not a Winnebago person. He begins to cross to refill his drink. Niles: Whenever I see one on the highway I look into the driver's eyes, hoping to see something that would explain why in God's name he would ever want to do something like this! All I see is a death stare under the brim of a hat made out of Miller Lite cans. This is my final word: I'm-not-going. Martin and Daphne re-enter. Daphne is carrying some cheese chunks on a plate. Martin: Hey, great news, Daphne's coming too! Niles: And so am I! He eats a cheese chunk. [SCENE_BREAK] THE WHOOPIN' CRANES Scene Three - A Winnebago. The Crane clan, plus Daphne, are traveling along in their rented Winnebago. The north-western American countryside is visible out of the rear window. Frasier is driving, and Martin is in the passenger seat videotaping the view. Daphne is sitting behind them. Niles appears to be absent from the scene. Martin: It's everything I'd hoped it'd be, only better! It's like sitting in your own living room watching TV! Only it isn't TV, it's America! Frasier: Yes Dad, it's the ultimate in virtual reality programming - actual reality. Martin: [Looking at map] Okay, we've got a turn-off coming up in about five miles, so start slowing down. Frasier: Righto, Dad. Daphne: How does it feel behind that wheel, Dr. Crane? Frasier: Manly! This is mine, and it's big! There is a flushing sound, and Niles appears from the back of the vehicle. Niles: Oh my God! It's like being sealed upright in a Formica coffin! Martin: Remember the old days, Niles? [to Daphne] When they were kids, all they had in the back seat was a mayonnaise jar. Frasier: Yes, it took quite a bit of skill to use it successfully at seventy miles per hour! Never really been fond of mayonnaise since... Niles: Or speed bumps. Martin: Okay, turnoff's coming up now, we're about four miles away, get ready, it's coming up! Alright, you're okay on the right! It's never to early to move over! Frasier: You know, Dad, I was wondering. What inspired you to choose that uniquely American man-made wonder, Mount Rushmore? Martin: Well, we've got a week off, right? That's as far as we can go in three and a half days and still make it back. We get there, get out, walk around the Valley of the Presidents, drive back, boom! Another fine landmark under our belts! Daphne: Well, you've certainly got this trip well-planned, Mr. Crane! Whenever I take a holiday I just grab a fresh pair of knickers and see where the wind takes me! At this comment Niles proceeds to look back at Daphne's backside. Frasier: [noticing] Niles... Niles! Frasier then pulls hard right on the steering wheel making the vehicle swerve sharply left. Everyone else remains in the same place but Niles, caught off balance, crashes left into some overhead cupboards, right into a chair behind Daphne and then falls spectacularly onto the floor whilst clutching at the kitchen sideboard. He quickly attempts to retake his place behind Frasier, before Daphne and Martin notice. Unsuccessfully. Martin looks strangely at Niles, not realising why Frasier swerved, then looks curiously at Frasier as if to say, "What the hell was that!" Frasier, however, drives on happily with a large smile on his face. Frasier: You know, what Daphne is saying is what we should really be doing! Martin: What are you talking about? Frasier: Well, you know, why should we be so beholden to maps and schedules? We should roam! America has always been enchanted with the romance of the open highway. Jack Kerouac went "on the road," Buzz and Todd got their "kicks on Route 66!" The adventure is in the journey! We should just ramble! Niles: Good golly, I'm inspired. I'm going to put on a baseball cap. He proceeds to put on a cap, backwards. Martin: Frasier watch it, you're going to miss the turn off!! Frasier: So? Martin: We'll get lost! Frasier: Lost from where? We're in a house on wheels! Wherever we go, we're home! Martin: No! It's coming up! [tugging at Frasier's arm] It's coming up! Alright, turn here! [frantically] This is it! Turn! Turn here...! We missed it!! Daphne and Niles look on in amusement. Frasier: Dad, we didn't miss anything! Martin: [horrified] Oh my God! Frasier: We are now on the road less traveled. From now on there is a new order! We dance to the rhythm of the road. Martin: [panicking] Alright, now don't panic! There's got to be an access road leading back onto that turn off... He proceeds to hunt around the map, frantically.] Martin: Where is it? Where is it! [finds it] Oh, it's always in the crack! Frasier: So is life, Dad. End Of Act One (Time: 10:23) Act Two. Scene One - Winnebago Fade in. Several hours have elapsed, and Martin is now driving. Niles and Frasier stand behind the two front seats, for Eddie is sitting in the front passenger chair. Martin: I've got to say, I was pretty anxious, but I'm starting to like this free spirit stuff! Frasier: [pointing out of window] Oh Dad, Dad look! There's a historical marker up ahead! Let's stop! Let's go see it, huh? Martin: Yes, just driving wherever you feel like it... Niles: It's educational Dad, there! There! There! There! There! Dad! The Crane boys are pointing excitedly, but Martin drives right past. Niles and Frasier follow it as it whizzes by, and then turn back to the front disappointedly. Niles: What did it say? Frasier: I don't know. The only word I saw was "Legendary." Niles: [spotting another attraction on the other side of the road] Oh, oh look, a roadside stand! Fresh fruit, homemade apple cider! Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad... Both: Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, DAD! Martin once again drives right by and the boys turn to look at the stand as it whizzes by. Once again they turn back disappointedly, and Niles punches the back of Martins chair lightly. Frasier: Look Dad, you seem to be missing the freewheeling concept. He tries to sit down but Eddie is in the chair. He sits down anyway and Eddie is squashed to the side of the chair, then sits on Frasier's knee. Niles picks up the camcorder and begins to film the view out of the front of the van. Frasier: We're supposed to go where the wind blows us, for god's sakes! Martin: It's blowing, we're going, why are you moaning? Frasier: [angrily] What is this obsession you have with covering a certain distance? Martin: It's just the way I relax! A car drives past, horn blaring. Martin leans out of the window to shout at it. Martin: Hey, watch it! I've got my kids in the car! As he has been shouting he has veered to the left. He straightens out quickly by swerving to the right, sending Niles once again crashing into the overhead lockers. Niles reels back, stunned. Frasier: What you call relaxing seems like a man with an obsession to me! Don't you think so, Niles? He turns to Niles, who has started to videotape Daphne, who is sleeping. Frasier: Niles! What are you doing?! Niles: I'm making a vacation video, something that we can look at years from now, over and over and over and over again... Frasier stands up and takes the camera from him. Frasier: Just give me that! Martin: Okay, you guys want to stop so bad, we'll stop. See that sign over there? Niles: "Have your photo taken with a live grizzly bear - Marvella's souvenirs and gifts - one mile." Martin: Yeah! I always wanted to have my picture taken with a bear! Frasier: Well, some dreams cannot be denied! [looking into the passenger side view mirror] Okay dad, alright, you're good here, you're good on my side, dad. Alright, just go ahead, ease it right over, it's never to early to change lanes... [realising what he is saying] Oh my God, it must be genetic. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - inside Marvella's souvenirs and gifts. The Frasier gang enter, and Eddie starts to bark at a full-size, stuffed grizzly bear propped up in front of a painted view of a mountain surrounded by trees. The rest of the store is full of various souvenirs and junk items. There is a woman standing behind a counter. Marvella: Get your dog away from my bear! I just had him cleaned! Daphne: He's stuffed! Frasier: You know, your sign said "a live bear." Marvella: It's an old sign. Martin: [looking at picture behind bear] Would you look at that view! It's like we're really there! Frasier: Yes, but if we were actually there dad, we'd be whizzing past at fifty miles per hour! Niles: Oh Frasier, look! It's the gourmet food department! Frasier: Oh! Homemade deer jerky! Niles: [reading notice with a sarcastic laugh] No sampling... Frasier: No problem! Martin and Daphne are standing in front of the bear. Martin: Okay! [to lady] Excuse me! Would you take our picture, please? Niles, Frasier, come on up here! Okay, everybody, alright, here we go! Everybody ready? Now, what should we do? Frasier: Well, how about this? [he puts his hands up and opens his mouth wide as if he's scared of the bear] Martin: Yeah! That's great, I like that! Okay, everybody! Eddie? Marvella: Now, before I take it, you know it's ten dollars Canadian. Frasier: Oh, for a treasured memory like this, what's money? Everyone puts on their "scared" faces. Marvella: Okay, one... Daphne: Why would she want Canadian dollars? Marvella: Two... Martin: Because we're in Canada. Marvella: Three! On "three," Daphne screams loudly as Marvella takes the picture. Everybody looks at her as she steps forward off the photo platform. Daphne: We're in Canada?! Martin: Yeah, we crossed the border a while ago, when you were taking a nap. Daphne: But we can't be in Canada! I'm not allowed to leave the United States! Frasier: Why? Daphne: Because I don't have my green card yet! Oh, this is just perfect! Three months until my final interview, the one thing they told me not to do was to leave the country! And what do you do? Wait until the first time I fall asleep and drag me across the bleeding border! They're never going to let me back in! Niles: They have to take you back, it's not your fault. [He crosses to comfort her] Frasier: [to Martin] This wouldn't have happened if you weren't so hell-bent on getting so many miles under your belt today! Martin: Well, you're the one who had to go where the wind blows! Martin and Frasier proceed to yell at each other loudly and angrily. Niles attempts to butt in to calm them down but can't find an appropriate break in the argument to make himself heard. Daphne grabs a duck call and blows it loudly to grab their attention, near-deafening Niles in the process. Daphne: Never mind whose fault it is, I'm stuck here! What am I going to do? Niles: We'll just go to the authorities and explain. I'm sure mishaps like this happen all the time. Martin: Oh, get real Niles, they've got the rules! Frasier: Oh, then what's your solution dad? Martin: Just sneak her back across the border. Niles: That's called smuggling! Martin: [very sarcastically] Oh, thanks Niles. I knew it was something bad guys did, I just didn't know the technical term! Frasier: Dad, I can't believe that you of all people, a former policeman, are actually suggesting that we commit a felony! Martin: Oh, I cross this border plenty! Ninety-nine times out of a hundred the guards just peek in the door and wave you through. It's no big deal. Now let's get out of here! Niles: Well, what if they pull us over? Martin: Then Daphne's just got to convince them that she's an American. Daphne: Bloody right! It beats having me bum bounced back across the pond! Let's give it a bash. The others exit and Frasier is left holding the door. Frasier: Oh, yes. This is foolproof... Frasier exits. [SCENE_BREAK] THE HOLE IN THE HEAD GANG Scene Three - The Winnebago Back in the motor home, heading for the border. Frasier is driving, Niles and Daphne are sitting at the table. Martin is pacing up and down the van. Niles: I'm about to defraud the United States Immigration Department. Not just me, my father and my older brother. People who should be role models for me. It's not my fault; I'm the product of a bad environment. Martin: [to Daphne] Now listen, on the off chance that the guard asks you a question, can you say anything in an American accent? Daphne: [in a poor imitation of a U.S. accent] Sure. Martin: Okay, what? Daphne: You just heard it! Martin: What? Daphne: [repeating the accent] "Sure." That's it, that's all I can say! [Martin looks horrified] Oh, I need a cup of tea! Frasier: TEA! Why don't you just wave a crumpet in the air and start singing, "God save the Queen"!! Niles: Don't you snap at her, Frasier, you're a psychiatrist. You should be in better control of your emotions. [panicking] Oh my God, there's the border! I can see the line of cars! Martin: Alright, now everybody calm down, we're going to be fine. Just remember that they'll be looking for suspicious behavior. [Niles is rocking back and forth with his head resting on his arm.] Niles, that qualifies! Alright, now if the guard pokes his head in here, what did we say he's going to see? All: Four carefree Americans. Daphne: I've never been so nervous. Frasier: I don't think there's any need to be. They're waving everyone through... they're not even asking any questions! Niles: Oh, please, please, please! Frasier: They're waving us through... they're waving us through... they're pulling us over... they're pulling us over! The gang look mortified. Niles resumes rocking back and forwards. [SCENE_BREAK] CHECKPOINT CHARLIE Scene Four - Winnebago. The van has stopped, and the guard is approaching. Martin: Here comes the guard. Daphne: I can't do this. Martin: Now everything's going to be fine, don't worry. Just remember to keep your answers short. People who have something to hide always talk too much. Guard enters. Guard: Hi, folks. Martin: Hi, there! Guard: Have a good time in Canada? Martin: Oh, great! Frasier: Canada, wow! Guard: [to Niles] What was the purpose of your trip to Canada, sir? After a long pause and a look at Martin, he answers deadpan: Niles: Fun. Guard: [after an equally long pause] I see. [to Frasier] And where were you born, Sir? Frasier: Seattle, Washington. Oh, you want to know what country? Oh, well, America! Of course! I'm quite an American really, I vote all the time, and always for the law and order guy! I... Guard: That's fine, sir, I don't need any more details. [To Daphne] And you, Miss? Did you enjoy Canada? Daphne: [In her ever-so-convincing accent] Sure! Guard: And the weather? Daphne: Sure, sure! Guard: [To Frasier] Is this your vehicle Sir? Frasier: Oh, no. Yes, yes! Well, I rented it! It's American-made, you see, I always look for that union label... Guard: I just need your license and registration. Frasier: Oh, right, uh, it's right here in this little side pocket. There's the registration. Let me get my license out for you... oh, yes, here we are! Guard: Stay right here. The Guard exits to check the documents. Martin: [sarcastically] Well, I can certainly depend on my gang, can't I? Niles: [standing] That's it. I'm going to be arrested! He sits in the passenger seat. Daphne: We're all getting arrested! She crosses to sit where Niles was, by the door. Niles: Yes, but I have delicate features. Prison will be hell for me! Martin: Cool it, Niles. Daphne: It's too late to turn back! I say we make a run for it. Frasier: Oh yes, great idea! A high-speed chase in an eight-ton motor home! It'll make an amusing anecdote for the border guard newsletter! Martin: Now will everybody just shut up? You keep babbling like this they're going to catch us for sure! [looks out of window] He's coming back! The guard enters. Guard: Well, these check out. All: Well, glad to hear that... Frasier: All strictly on the up and up... Daphne has her head turned from the guard. He looks at her suspiciously. Guard: Miss, you've been very quiet. Is there something I should know here? Daphne says nothing but smiles and shakes her head. Guard: You seem awfully nervous. May I have your name, please? Daphne looks mortified. She looks at Martin for help. Martin: Oh, alright. I guess I should have known better than to try something like this Niles: [standing] Dad, don't! Frasier: It was just a mistake! Guard: [to Niles and Frasier] You men just want to back off? [to Martin] What is it you want to say, sir? Martin: We were trying to pull one over on you. Eddie? Eddie jumps into his lap. Martin: We don't have a rabies certificate for the dog. Guard: I knew something was going on here. The Guard crosses to check the rest of the van, then stands by Martin. Martin: Yeah, well you see, we weren't planning on coming here, and when we got to the border we just forgot all about it. Niles: I for one, didn't even know that you needed one. Frasier: Yes, but ignorance of the law is no defense so take the little dog away and we'll be off! Martin: [casting Frasier a very evil look] Look, this is my fault. If you're worried that we picked the dog up here in Canada, well we didn't. I mean I've got a picture I can show you. Here's a picture of him taken at the Seattle Space Needle. He shows the guard a wallet photo of Eddie. Martin's old police badge is still in the wallet, and he makes it quite obvious to the guard. Guard: I see you've got a badge there. Martin: [with mock surprise] Oh, yeah! Guard: Are you a policeman? Martin: Retired. Thirty years on the Seattle police force. Me of all people should know better, huh? Frasier: Absolutely. Niles: Definitely. Daphne: [still with accent] Sure. Guard: Next time remember the rabies certificate. Have a safe trip home. Martin: Thanks, officer. Frasier: Thank you. The Guard exits. They all break into individual victory dances. Martin: Drive! They all remember themselves and turn to carry on their journey. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five - Winnebago Fade in. Night has fallen, and Niles and Daphne are asleep. Martin is driving, and Frasier comes to sit next to him in the passenger seat. Eddie barks at him as he walks by. Frasier: [to Eddie] They would have returned you eventually! So dad, how long 'til we get home? Martin: About two hours. This highway goes right into Seattle. Why don't you lean back, take a little nap? Frasier: Oh no, I'm okay. I though maybe we'd chat a little bit. Martin: Oh yeah, great! There is an awkward, long, silence. Martin: You know Frasier, I just can't help it. When we're alone together I just don't know what the hell to say. I'm sure you figured out that's why I asked Daphne to come along. Frasier: Well, I had my suspicions but I hoped that wasn't the case. Martin: Oh, knock it off. That's why you asked Niles to come along too. Frasier: That's why I asked him, but that's not why he came. They both laugh. Martin: You know, the funny thing, we didn't have such a bad time, did we? [they both laugh again] Frasier: [imitating guard and Martin] "I see you've got a badge there..." "Oh, yeah!" They laugh again. Frasier picks up the map and starts to examine it. Frasier: You know dad, there's no reason for us to cut our trip short. According to this map we're not that far from Yellowstone. Martin: Oh, I always wanted to see Old Faithful! Frasier: Me, too! Martin: If you wanted a real adventure we could drop these two sleeping beauties off at home first. Frasier: You mean it? Just the two of us alone? Martin: Yeah! Frasier: Just you and me, father and son! Martin: Yeah! You and me, camping out in Yellowstone, all alone! Frasier: All by ourselves! The excitement goes out of their faces as the reality of this situation dawns on them. There is another awkward silence. Martin: Well, you know, it'd be an awful shame if Daphne didn't get to see those Indian paint pots... Frasier: Yes, of course. Martin: They are a real miracle of nature. Frasier: Yeah. Wouldn't be fair to leave Niles just to ramble around that old house all by himself. Martin: Maris out of town? That'd be cruel. Frasier: Yeah, absolutely. So, how long do you figure it'll take us to get to Yellowstone? Martin: Well, if we drive all night we'll be there tomorrow. Frasier: It'll be a nice surprise for the two of them when they wake up in the morning. Martin: I've got a better surprise than that: let's tell Daphne we're in Mexico! Martin and Frasier burst into devilish laughter. End Of Act Two. (Time 22:20) [SCENE_BREAK] The Camcorder, supposedly held by Niles, is being used to film a sleeping Daphne. However she wakes up and is shocked. The view then pans round to the left to reveal a very disapproving Frasier looking right into the camera.
doc_255	[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there having breakfast and Joey enters carrying a loaf of bread.] Joey: Hey! Ross: Hi! Joey: Who wants French toast? Ross: Oh, I'll have some! Joey: Good, me too. (Tosses him the loaf.) Eggs and milk are in the fridge. Thanks. Monica: (entering from her room) Oww! Chandler: What's the matter honey? Monica: I don't know, my hand feels weird. I guess it's because, I'm engaged! (Shows off the ring.) How long before it starts getting annoying? Phoebe: It starts? Rachel: Yeah, so let's get started on the wedding plans! Monica: Okay! (Runs off.) Chandler: (incredulous) Already?! Rachel: Yeah, we got a lot to do! We gotta think about the flowers, the caterers, the music... Chandler: Oh, I got some thoughts on that. Rachel: Oh wait Chandler, too many cooks... Ross: Take it from me, as the groom all you have to do is show up and try to say the right name. Monica: (returning) Okay! (Sets down a huge 3" 3-ring binder on the table.) Chandler: What in God's name is that?! Ross: Oh my God, the wedding book?! I haven't seen that since the forth grade! Monica: This baby has got everything. Take y'know, locations for instance. (She opens up the binder to the locations chapter.) First, organized alphabetically, then geographically, then by square footage. Phoebe: That is so smart! (To Chandler, under her breath) Break it off. Break it off now. Opening Credits [Scene: A Classroom, Ross is giving a lecture.] Ross: And that should conclusively prove that I had the idea for Jurassic Park first! Now let's take a look at... (Phoebe rushes in.) Phoebe: Hey! Ross! Ross: Phoebe, oh my God! Wh-wh-what are you doing here? Phoebe: I need to talk to you, it's pretty urgent. It's about Monica and Chandler. Ross: Oh my God! Of course, of course. (To the class.) Umm, would you please excuse me for a moment? Umm, do you know each other's hometowns? Why don't you... (Motions that they should learn everyone's hometown.) (To Phoebe) Wh-what's going on? Phoebe: Well, umm, not much. But, I was just thinking that since those guys just got engaged that maybe it would be nice if they had some privacy, y'know? So, could I just move in with you for a couple days? Ross: Umm, okay, yeah, sure. But wh-what's wrong with Monica and Chandler? Phoebe: Nothing-Why?! Ross: Phoebe, you said it was urgent! Phoebe: Oh yeah it is! I'm going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes. Ross: Do you realize I have a classroom full of students? Phoebe: (to the students) Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so rude. Does anyone want to come to the movies? [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel and Monica are pretty much telling Chandler what the wedding plans are.] Monica: All right, so I haven't cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music. Rachel: Okay. Monica: All right umm, a string quartet for the procession. Rachel: Aw. Monica: A jazz trio for cocktails. The Bay City Rollers for dancing. Wait, that was from my sixth grade wedding. Chandler: Well, you couldn't get them anyway. Ian doesn't play anymore and Derrick... (Off of Rachel and Monica's looks) And Derrick is a name I shouldn't know. Joey: (sitting up from the couch) Hey Mon, do you have another pillow? (Holds up one.) Y'know, something a little snugglyer? Chandler: Why are you napping over here instead of over at your place? Joey: Well, the duck... Rachel: What?! The duck?! What the hell did the damn duck do now?! Joey: Uh, well he did not get sick somewhere in there and it was immediately found and properly cleaned up! Chandler: Now, do I get to look at this book or is it just for people who are actually involved in the wedding? Monica: Of course you can look at it! Yeah, I want your opinion too! Chandler: Okay. Monica: Here you go! What do you think about centerpieces? Chandler: Centerpieces! Monica: Yeah! Roses or Lilies? (Holds up a picture of each.) Chandler: Definitely roses. (Monica and Rachel exchange a look.) Well, I just think they're a little more weddingy. (Monica holds the Lily picture closer to him.) But Lilies are the clear choice. Monica: Oh my God! It's like one mind. Chandler: Uh-huh! Joey: (sitting up again) Guys! Guys!! You gotta let me nap! Ugh, I'm gonna get cranky! Rachel: Joey, there is a perfectly good couch across the hall! Joey: Yes it is perfectly good, and it is not one of the places the duck got sick! Rachel: What?! Joey: All right, I'm gonna go! (Gets up and heads for the door.) Rachel: Now Joey, what did the duck do?! Joey: I don't know! But he did not eat your face cream! [Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey enters and heads for his bedroom. He pushes open the door to find the duck.] Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (He's about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachel's room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) That's so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar...(Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) ...wouldn't be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his...(Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.) [Scene: Ross's apartment, Phoebe has moved in and has a massage client on the table she's set up in the living room. Ross enters and is shocked to see a naked man lying on the table.] Ross: Uh, Phoebe... Phoebe: Oh Ross, hi. Ross: Phoebe, what are you doing? Phoebe: I'm sorry, I'm with a client right now. Ross: Phoebe! Phoebe: Okay, let's talk outside. (They go into the hall.) Ross: Phoebe, you can't massage people in my apartment! Phoebe: What's the big deal? I did it at Monica and Chandler's! Ross: And they knew about it? Phoebe: (pause as she considers it) Okay, well Ross, what is this really about? Ross: Look, this is my home and I want to be able to come and go whenever I want! Phoebe: Okay, I will find someplace else to do the rest of my appointments. I just don't know what the big deal is! Ross: The big deal is I don't want naked, greasy strangers in my apartment when I want to kick back with a puzzle-beer! Cold beer. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sweeping up as Rachel enters.] Rachel: Hey Joey, what 'cha doing? Joey: Sweepin'. Why? Turn you on? Rachel: No. Joey: Huh. What if I was sweeping a chimney? Rachel: Joey, did you eat my face cream? (She walks into her bedroom.) Joey: Where are you going? The vicar won't be home for hours. (She comes back out.) Rachel: Joey, (nervously) where did you learn that word? Joey: Where do you think, (pause) Zelda? Rachel: (gasps) You found my book?! Joey: Yeah I did! Rachel: Joey, what-what are you doing going into my bedroom?! Joey: Okay, look I'm sorry, I went in there to take a nap and I know I shouldn't have, but you got p0rn! Rachel: Hey-hey, y'know what? I don't care! I'm not ashamed of my book. There's nothing wrong with a woman enjoying a little...erotica. It's just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. (She goes into her room.) Joey: You got p0rn! [Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and a puzzle-beer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebe's massage table, but being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.] Ross: Hello. Woman: Hi, is uh Phoebe here? Ross: Uh no-no, she-she's out for the night. Woman: Ohh great. Ross: Can I, can I help you with something? Woman: Well, I don't know. Are you a masseur? Ross: (deadpan) Yes I am. Woman: Great! (Calls down the hall) Dad! (Her old father walks in.) Thank you so much, I'll be back to pick him up in an hour. (She walks away.) (Ross isn't happy and closes the door slowly.) [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are having dinner with her parents.] Mrs. Geller: So Chandler, your parents must've been thrilled when you told them you were engaged. Chandler: Oh yeah, I should probably call them. Mr. Geller: I remember when we first got engaged. Chandler: Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story. Monica: Oh dad, really you don't need to... Mr. Geller: (ignoring her) Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know how that happened. Mrs. Geller: (incredulous) You don't know how that happened?! Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy! Chandler: What a sweet story. Monica: Well, at least you're not hearing it for the first time at your fifth grade Halloween party. Mr. Geller: What?! They wanted a scary story! Monica: Anyway, we're really excited about our wedding plans, and well I guess pretty soon we'll be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund. (She and Chandler laugh, but her parents don't.) What? Mrs. Geller: You tell her Jack, I can't do it. Monica: What happened? You still have the Monica wedding fund don't you? Mr. Geller: We have it. Only now, we call it the beach house. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: A Restaurant, scene continued from before the break.] Monica: I don't believe you spent my wedding fund on the beach house! Mrs. Geller: We're sorry honey, but we just assumed if you got married after you turned 30 you'd pay for it yourself. Monica: You bought the beach house when I was 23! Mr. Geller: Which means you had seven years of beach fun and you can't put a price on that sweetie. Mrs. Geller: We really do feel bad about this though. Mr. Geller: We started saving again when you were dating Richard and then that went to hell, so we redid the kitchen. Monica: What about when I started dating Chandler? Mrs. Geller: Well it was Chandler! We didn't think he'd ever propose! Chandler: Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal. (Starts to make up for lost time and takes a big swig of his drink.) Monica: I can't believe it! That there is no money for my wedding?! Mrs. Geller: We might still have some money, if your father didn't think it was a good idea to sell ice over the Internet. Mr. Geller: It seemed like such a simple idea. Mrs. Geller: Stupid Jack, the word is stupid. Mr. Geller: All right, enough! I don't want to hear about it anymore! (Under his breath) Good luck, Chandler. (Chandler takes another drink.) [Scene: Ross's apartment, his massage client is on the table and Ross is reluctantly starting his massage. He spreads some lotion in his hands, and doesn't like it.] Ross: Okay! Now, I'm going to touch you. (He does so, very gingerly.) Ohh, that's soft. (He starts poking him and notices his salad spoons and starts to massage him with those.) [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning from dinner, Rachel is already there.] Monica: I can't believe this. Do you think that your parents could help pay for it? Chandler: I don't know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth wedding. She's saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he saves for his yearly trips to (Pause) Dollywood. Rachel: Well what happened at dinner? Monica: My parents spent the money for our wedding! Phoebe: (gasps) My God! What did you order?! Rachel: Wait, but there's no money! Well this is terrible! You guys are gonna have to get married in like a, rec. center! Chandler: Honey, it's gonna be okay. Monica: No! No it's not! It's not gonna be okay! It sucks! No swing band! No lilies! Rachel: No, y'know what? It's gonna be okay. I mean you don't have to have this rustic Italian feast. Y'know? And-and you don't need, you don't need this custom-made, empire-waisted, duchess, satin gown; you can wear off the rack. (She starts to cry, as does Monica.) Chandler: Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that we're gonna get married. Rachel: Do you even understand what off the rack means?! Phoebe: Look, why don't you just pay for it yourself? Monica: How? I don't have any money. Chandler: Well, I have some. Monica: How much? Chandler: Well, close to... (Notices Rachel leaning in to hear and decides to write it on a piece of paper and hand it to Monica as Phoebe averts her eyes.) Monica: Whoa!!! Are you kidding me?! Rachel: Well what?! How-how much is it?! Monica: It's enough for wedding scenario eight. Rachel: Ohh! (Whispers.) Really?! Monica: (To Chandler) How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding! Rachel: (starting to cry) Ohh, you guys are so made for each other. Chandler: Well, you're not suggesting that we spend all of the money on the wedding? Rachel and Monica: Ah, yeah! Chandler: Well, come on, I've been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party. Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler. Monica: This is the most special day of our lives. Chandler: No, I realize that honey, but I'm not gonna spend all of the money on one party. Monica: Honey, umm I-I love you, (laughs) but umm, if you call our wedding a party one more time, you may not get invited. Okay? (Laughs) Listen, we could always earn more money, okay? But uh, we're only gonna get married once. Chandler: Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no. Monica: You-you're gonna have to put your foot down? Chandler: Yes, I am! Phoebe: Wow, money and a firm hand. Finally a Chandler I can get on board with. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are there as Rachel enters and sees Joey sitting there.] Joey: Hey Rach. Rachel: (quietly) Joey. Joey: Hey Rach, do you smell smoke? Rachel: Uh-huh, I get it, smoke, chimney, chimney sweep, very funny, ha-ha. Joey: No-no-no, I'm serious. You don't smell it? Something's on fire. Rachel: Well no, I don't smell anything. Joey: Oh, y'know what? It's probably just your burnin' loins. Ross: (sitting down) Hey, what are you guys, what are you guys talking about? Rachel: Nothing! Ross: (takes a drink) Damn, this coffee's cold! Hey Rach, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins? (Joey and he both laugh.) Rachel: Y'know, I can not believe you told him, Joey! Ross: So I guess you bought that book after we broke up huh? Rachel: Uh-huh, yeah I did, because I wore out my first copy when I was with you. (Exits.) Ross: (chases her) Oh yeah, yeah? Well uh, when we were going out, I read tons of porno magazines! (Realizes a table of women overheard him.) (To that table.) 'Sup? Phoebe: (entering) Ross! How could you do that to an old man?! Ross: (looking at the table) Excuse me ladies. (To Phoebe) I'm sorry? Phoebe: My massage client, Arthur? His daughter called and said that some guy that worked for me gave him a really weird massage this afternoon. Ross: (incredulous) I gave him an extremely professional massage! Phoebe: He said you poked at him with wooden spoons. Ross: Okay, so it wasn't uh, a traditional massage. But I did give him acu-pressure with a pair of chopsticks. And, and I gently exfoliated him with, with a mop. Phoebe: Well, he's never coming back! Okay? You just cost me eight dollars a week! Ross: Hey, y'know what? This is your fault! You're the one that didn't move his-his appointment. Phoebe: Oh, it's my fault?! You didn't have to massage him! You could've sent him away! You could've not rolled Tonka trucks up and down his back! Ross: He said he liked that!! Oh you're right, you're right. I'm sorry. Joey: Dude, what are you massaging an old man for? Ross: His daughter was hot. Joey: Gotcha. [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.] Monica: Hey. Chandler: Hey. Monica: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that. Chandler: Ehh. Monica: Eh, you work for that. Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and I'm sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding. Monica: You do?! Chandler: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then that's what we're gonna do. Monica: Oh, you're so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff? Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college. Monica: You thought about that? Chandler: Yeah. Monica: How many kids were we gonna have? Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy. Monica: What else did you think about? Chandler: Well, stuff like where'd we live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old. Monica: (laughs) Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding. Chandler: Sure you do. Monica: No, I want everything you just said. I want a marriage. Chandler: You sure? Monica: Uh-hmm. Chandler: I love you so much. Monica: I love you. (They kiss.) Hey listen umm, when, when you were talkin' about our future you said cat, but you meant dog right. Chandler: Oh yeah, totally! Monica: Oh good. Ending Credits [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing her checkbook as Joey enters from his room wearing a hockey helmet, gloves, and shin guards.] Joey: Hello, Zelda. Rachel: Who are you supposed to be? Joey: The vicar! Rachel: Do you even know what a vicar is? Joey: Like a goalie, right? Rachel: (sarcastically) Yeah. Look Joey, it's enough alright?! You keep making these stupid jokes and this sleazy innuendoes and it's-I'm not-it's just not funny anymore! Joey: All right, I'm sorry. Rach I-Rach I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry! Maybe I can make up for it by, taking you roughly in the barn. (Giggles.) Rachel: All right! Y'know what? That's it! You wanna do it?! Let's do it! Joey: Huh? Rachel: (starting to move closer to him) That's right, I wanna do it with you! I've been trying to fight it, but you just said all the right things. Joey: (nervously backing away) I-I-I-I did? (He puts a stool in front of her.) Rachel: (moves the stool out of the way) Yeah! Ohh, I've been waitin' so long to get on that body! Joey: This body? (He backs into the kitchen.) Rachel: Yeah that's right! Come on Joey; s*x me up! Joey: Hey-hey, you're startin' to sound like the butcher's wife there in-in chapter seven. Rachel: Oh, come on now, don't keep me waiting. Get those clothes off! But, I would keep that helmet on because you're in for a rough ride! (He backs into the door.) Joey: I don't want to, I'm scared. (Rachel walks away, pleased with herself.)
doc_256	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Julian : I decided not to produce the movie. There's this girl that... I'm kind of in love with, and... I couldn't be away from her for another day. Haley : I know the label's gonna run a lot smoother with you at the helm. Miranda : I'm not here to run the label. I'm here to close it. Mouth : You're mad because I want you to move out, but it's only because I'm trying to step things up with Millie. Skills : You trying to get rid of me with your naked ass. It ain't gonna work. Quinn : You know earlier when... when I said I miss David? Haley : What happened, Quinn? You said he... Quinn : I left him. Clay : Does that girl look familiar to you? Nathan : Yeah, she was at the party today. Why? Clay : She says she slept with you on the road, Nate, and she's going public. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Man : And where will you run... back to the life of a peasant harlot? Alex : Perhaps I will. But should I return to a life of more meager means, I will do so with my dignity intact, my heart pure and true. Man : And yet you had no dignity nor purity in my bed a fortnight ago. Alex : Meager means, indeed. Man : Harlot! Leave the dress! Brooke : Millie was right. Alex Dupré is the perfect choice to be the face of the new campaign. She's smart. She's talented. She is crazy beautiful. Julian? Julian : I'm shaving! Brooke : How come this movie never came out? Julian : Because smart and talented and beautiful got all hopped up on goofballs and had to be checked into rehab. By the way, those dailies are top secret. I had to call in about a dozen favors to get 'em. Brooke : Aww, my baby's so good to me. Damn. I am really gonna like this living-together thing. I want you to move your stuff in, okay? This is our house now, not just mine. Julian : Good. Well, then how would you feel about going back to our bedroom for a little while? Brooke : I'd make a joke about meager means, but... it would simply be untrue. ON THE BEACH Clay : Hey. You know I'm not judging you, right? Nathan : Clay, listen, man, you've known me for a long time now. I don't care what that woman says. I did not sleep with her, all right? Clay : All right. Nathan : It's unbelievable to me that she could just show up and spout a bunch of lies, and the next thing you know, I'm in the headlines, my family's in the headlines, and I'm guilty before I'm innocent. Clay : Don't freak out. You're not in the headlines yet. And believe it or not, this kind of thing, it happens a lot. You're a public figure, and they know you make a lot of money. Nathan : I'm in a contract year, Clay. Clay : I know. So, here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna stay in shape, you're gonna stay focused, and you're gonna let me handle it. All right? Nathan : All right. yeah AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : It has been ringing off the hook. waves crash along Haley : Quinn, what happened? I mean, what actually happened between you and David? Quinn : He just changed, you know? I mean, he used to see the world exactly the way I saw it. He just doesn't anymore. Haley : But he still loves you. Quinn : I know. But I don't know if that's enough. Haley : I'm sorry. I got to go. I got to go down to the studio and take care of this whole "shutting us down" mess. Quinn : Do you need my help? Haley : No. You just stay here and enjoy your day. I'll see you later. Quinn : Okay. Haley : It's gonna be okay, Quinn. Quinn : I love you. Haley : I love you, too. keep your hello don't think about it at all AT MOUHT'S APPARTMENT Millicent : Is it okay? Skills : You're good. Millicent : Damn it, Skills! Skills : What up, Millie? Millicent : You and Marvin need to stop this ridiculous naked standoff! Skills : Hey, look, he started it, trying to get me to move out. Millicent : Okay, look... I'm going to pick up Alex Dupré from the airport. I'm gonna work a full day, and when I get home, you two idiots better have your pants on! IN THE CAR Jamie : So, what are you gonna do? Skills : I ain't moving out. That's for sure. Jamie : Why not? If Chester hopped around without his fur on, I'd probably move out. Skills : Yeah, well, it's a long story. So, you ready for the beach? Jamie : Totally. You think I can bury you and Miss Lauren in the sand? Skills : Cool with me. Oh, and, um, don't tell Miss Lauren about the whole moving-out stuff, all right? Jamie : Why not? Skills : Just don't. Wait. Uh-Oh, here she comes. Lauren : Hey, boys. Ready for the beach? What are you guys up to? Skills : Nothing. Jamie : Nothing. Lauren : Huh. that girl's a genius whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh TV BROADCAST Dan : Never believe that you can deceive. You might think that you can get away with it. You might actually get away with it... for a while. But your life is made up of choices and decisions. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Paul : Hi, Julian. Julian : Dad. What are you doing here? Paul : I came to talk you out of the worst decision of your life. TV BROADCAST Dan : Poor choices, poor life. Bad decisions... bad life. AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Haley : Come on. Where is it? Miranda : Page 7, item 4... It's the part of the contract that basically says we can acquire the label whenever we'd like. TV BROADCAST Dan : Wickedness... As you know, I've been there. I'm not alone. My wife was, too. She was deceptive and manipulative. She abused drink and drugs. She was promiscuous. But today she stands beside me a changed woman, a caring woman, a better woman. Ladies and gentlemen, my wife, and the love of my life. my girl's ready to take control she just blows my mind she only listens to the radio Dan : I love you, honey. Rachel : I love you, honey. yeah she wakes up scared of getting old AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Julian : I didn't make a bad decision, dad. Paul : Is that right? You walked away from a potential blockbuster movie days before production, and for what? Julian : For love. Paul : Love... with Brooke Davis. Julian : Be careful, dad. Paul : Julian, she's Brooke Davis! I read the tabloids. This is a fling for her, and it could cost you your career! Julian : I think you need to leave. behind the tv screen I've fallen to my knees Paul : Your career was one movie away from being prestigious... This movie. And you walk away. For what? A promiscuous fashion designer. I need to get away blanket of silence makes me want to sink my teeth in deep burn all the evidence AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Miranda : Oh, this glass is gonna look amazing in my loft in Los Angeles. Haley : All right, Miranda, I know that you have a legal right to shut down the label, but you don't have to be a total bitch about it. Miranda : You're the producer, Haley, and, potentially, a great artist, but you don't have time to record because you're running what is essentially a vanity label. Haley : Va... vanity la... You guys would not have Mia Catalano if it wasn't for this label. You wouldn't have had the time or patience or interest to develop an artist like her. That's what small labels do. We develop and nurture artists. It's something corporate labels will never do. Miranda : I've always wanted a pool table. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : I can't believe your dad just came all this way to tell you he thinks you're making a mistake. He couldn't call or text or tweet that to you? Julian : He's a movie producer, Brooke. He loves the dramatic. Brooke : Well, what else did he say? Julian : He wanted to know what my game plan was... was I still actively producing, do I have a development staff finding me new properties, and... Brooke : That is some poster. Julian : What? Oh, right. You like it? Brooke : Yeah. It's... different for the living room. Julian : He was just so crazy, my father. Brooke : Do you think maybe you would like that better in the spare bedroom or in your office? We could get you an office for that. Julian : Look, my dad just flew five hours to ask me if I'm quitting the business and getting married. Brooke : What did you say? Julian : I asked him to leave. Brooke : No, about the "marriage" part. Julian : I told him he was crazy. We're not getting married. We just moved in together. I... I don't... I don't know what the hell got into him. I ain't got no other place to hide chained down like a sitting duck just waiting for the fall TV BROADCAST Rachel : Hey, you. Dan : The clock... it was a good idea. I think it reminds people that every second counts. Rachel : It's easy. People don't have to work that hard to get it. We have that dinner tonight with the investment guys from Texas. I think you should tell them the whole "phoenix rising from the ashes" story. They'll love it. Dan : It was a good show today. I think we might have reached some people. Do you think it was a good show? Rachel : I'll let you know after I see the ratings. I got to go. Dan : Hey. I love you. Rachel : I know, baby. Wear your gray suit tonight. You always look good in that suit. AT THE AEROPORT Alex : Guys. Fan : Right here! Alex : Hey. There you go. Fan : One more. Tanya : Miss Dupré? Miss dupré? Could I get an autograph? Alex : Oh, yeah, sure, you pretty thing. What's your name? Tanya : Tanya. Alex : Tanya? Tanya : I loved you in "Heart so true". You were so brave in that. Alex : Oh, thank you, sweetie. But that's just acting. You're the brave one. Tanya : Thanks. Alex : Bye. Bye bye. Millicent : Alex, Millicent Huxtable, Clothes Over Bros. Welcome to Tree Hill. Alex : Thank you. IN THE CAR Millicent : Can I just say that I am your biggest fan? And it's because of things like that... that you would take the time to inspire that poor girl in the wheelchair after such a long flight. Alex : They kind of creep me out. Millicent : What? Alex : Cripples and, like, retarded people. They're always, like, drooling and smiling really weird. It's so gross. Water, water, water. Um, is there any wine in here? Millicent : Um, I thought you were sober. You just went to rehab. Alex : Ugh, do not remind me. They took my phone away. Besides, wine's not even alcohol. It's like grape. Ugh, it's so hot out there. Where the hell are we? It's like the devil's ass in this place. When do I get paid? Millicent : I think your agent takes care of that. Alex : Can I just tell you... I hate that woman. She's like a complete alcoholic, and her fingers look like chicken feet. Btw, I am starving. Is there any food? Millicent : Well, I read that you only eat organic food, so we have an entire organic feast waiting at the hotel. Alex : Yeah, I just make that stuff up. Can you drive through a Mickey d's? I could totally eat the butt off a skunk right now. Millicent : Um, drive on... please. ON THE BEACH Clay : Nate, it's gonna be okay. You know, we haven't heard from this woman since the one e-mail. So, until it's real, it's not real. You know, and besides, who the hell would want to sleep with you, anyway? Okay, I know it's bad timing, but damn. Nathan : Dude, quit checking out my sister-in-law. Quinn : Hey, dumb and dumber. Clay : Hey. Quinn : Nice day, huh? Nathan : I don't know. Maybe you're right. Maybe it's nothing. Clay : Actually, uh... now it is something. Lauren : Hey Jamie can you scratch my noze. Aah, thank you. Oh! My hat! Jamie : I'll get it. Lauren : Ohh. Skills : Can you move? Lauren : Not a muscle. Skills : Me neither. Man, I hope that knucklehead come back. AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Haley : So, listen, Peyton, here's the thing... Uh, you know how I... insisted that you keep that 1 % of the label? Well, it... it kind of killed the label. But, Haley... Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I can see that I'm upsetting you, and I don't want to do that. So, um, let me just, uh... Talk to Lucas. Geez, Haley, I... I... I... I... I don't know, you know? This has really meant a lot to... Peyton. I know. I know. I'm a terrible friend, and there's nothing that I can do unless I... You might be a genius, Haley. Thank you, Haley. * am I * * am I losing my mind? * ON THE BEACH Jamie : Oh! Quinn : Jamie? Jamie : Aunt Quinn! Quinn : Hey! Who let you off your leash? Jamie : Uncle Skills, but he didn't bring the leash today. Quinn : Okay, where is he? Jamie : He's over there. Miss Lauren, too. This is her hat. Cool. Quinn : Well, I was just on my way to go get a snack. Can I tempt you? Jamie : Sure. Quinn : Yeah? You should probably tell them you're with me. Jamie : Denzel, this is Macaulay. Denzel, this is Macaulay. I'm going for a snack with my aunt Quinn. Over. Okay, all set. Stupid, crazy nanny. Quinn : Hop on. Whoop! There we go. What do you want? ON THE STREET Dan : Hey, give me a sec, okay? Rachel : Okay. Dan : Mind if I join you? Man : Spare a few bucks? Dan : First... you mind telling me how you got here? Man : You must be one of them religious guys or something. Dan : No. I got nothing against religion. If you ask me, the one man you got to believe in... is you. Man : I stopped believing in me a long time ago. Dan : Why? You made some mistakes? You failed sometimes? Listen. No matter what mistakes or failures you had, they weren't even close to mine. There's a book you should read. Man : You're talking about the bible. Dan : No, man, it's not the bible. It's this book. Listen. There's a used-book shop around the corner. Now, you can take this book, sell it for a few bucks, buy yourself a bottle, and feel good for a few minutes. Or you could read it and feel better for the rest of your life. Man : Hey. What your name is, man? Dan : My name is Dan Scott. And I believe in you. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Millicent : He probably didn't mean it. Brooke : It was just the way he said it, as if the very idea of us ever getting married was somehow completely ridiculous to him. And then he hung this ugly army-man poster in the living room. I have to talk to him. Millicent : Okay, but he might freak out a little if you start talking marriage so soon. Brooke : No, about the poster, you dork. It has to go. I am really excited to meet Alex, though. How is she? Millicent : Um... she's really... something. She just wanted to freshen up. You're gonna love her. AT THE HOTEL ROOM Millicent : She's gonna hate you! Alex : Go away, you witch. Millicent : "Witch"? "Witch"?! Look, missy, my ass is on the line here! Alex : You mean your big ass. Millicent : Really? Really? Get up! Alex : I'm tired! Millicent : Well, you better get un-tired because you're going over to Clothes Over Bros, and you're gonna convince Brooke Davis that the half-million dollars she's paying you is not a waste! Alex : Half a million dollars? AT THE RESTAURANT Clay : So, you want to talk? Talk. Renee : What, no "hello"? No introductions? Clay : Your name's Renee. I recognize you from the picture you took when you trespassed at a 7-Year-Old's birthday party. You have a last name? Renee : You're kind of hot when you're all fired up. Clay : I know he didn't do it. I don't know what your angle is, and I don't know why you targeted Nathan Scott, but what I do know is that he didn't do it. Renee : You're quite the party boy, aren't you? Clay : I'm single. He's not. Renee : Oh, like that matters. Clay : Maybe not to girls like you, but to Nathan it does. Renee : "Girls like me." You know what's so great about justice? It doesn't discriminate against "girls like me." Nathan : What do you want from me? Clay : Whoa, walk away, Nate. Nathan : Huh? Renee : Hi, Nathan. Nathan : You need to stop this. Clay : Outside. Nathan : You need to stop this now, okay? Do you hear me? Why are you doing this to me? Clay : Come on. Clay : What the hell is wrong with you? Nathan : I just wanted to talk to her. Clay : In public? In front of a roomful of people with camera phones and video, you wanted to talk with her, just thought you'd have a little chat? Nathan : I'm sorry. I screwed up. Clay : Yeah, you screwed up, Nate! Nathan : What does she want? Clay : I don't know. I was about to find out until Nathan Scott stormed in like a madman! Nathan : Look, I said I was sorry, jackass. Let it go. Clay : I'm gonna see if she'll sit down with me again. In the meantime, you just, um... Try not to get thrown through a window, all right? Damn it, Nate. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Millicent : Brooke? Please don't fire me. Please don't fire me. Alex : Shut up. I'm an actress. I got this. Brooke : Alex, hi, I'm Brooke Davis. It's so nice to meet you. Alex : Oh... my... God. You are so beautiful. Brooke : Thank you. Alex : Can I just say that I'm so happy to be here? And I think it's so great that you make designer clothes for plus-sized girls. I never knew it was based on you, but I think that's so sweet. Brooke : Uh, no, I'm normal-sized. Alex : Oh, I know, but I have the best diet for you. You're so gonna lose that weight. Brooke : Okay. How was your flight? You flew private, right? Alex : Uh-Huh. They let me ride in the cockpit. It was so rad. Brooke : In the cockpit? Alex : Totally. They let me steer the plane and everything. Brooke : They let you fly the plane. Alex : I know! I'm so a cockpit girl. Brooke : That's what she said. Alex : Who? Brooke : Who what? Alex : You... you said she said something, but I don't know who you mean. Brooke : No, it's... it's an expression. When someone says something that sounds sexual, you say, "that's what Alex : she said". Alex : Oh. Right. Brooke : Okay. Alex : Why don't we show Alex the new line? Brooke : Great. You're gonna love it. It's kind of elegant and kind of edgy, and the pieces are a lot like this one. Alex : No, I don't like that. Brooke : Why? Alex : Uh, first of all, it's purple. When I was a little girl, there was this dinosaur thing, and it totally freaked me out, and it was purple. Brooke : You mean Barney? Alex : Yeah. That's what she said. Brooke : Okay. That's totally wrong, but... Alex : I know. I'm so funny, huh? My best friend, Kimmy, told me I should totally do more comedy. She says most people are really uptight, but I'm not tight at all. Brooke : That's what she said. Alex : Who? Oh, Kimmy? Yeah, she said that. She said I'm so much funnier than Cameron Diaz. I mean, plus, have you seen my ass? Come on. Way better than hers. Like way. Brooke : Could you excuse us for just... One minute? Alex : Sure. I have to pee, anyway. Brooke : Great. Second door on the left. Alex : Okay. Millicent : I'll just clean out my things and go. ON THE BEACH Jamie : Remember that time I stayed with you and uncle David for a whole week? Quinn : Yep, and we made pancakes every morning with chocolate sauce and whipped cream? Jamie : Maybe if David comes, we could do that again. Quinn : Yeah. Maybe. Hey, are you sure Skills and Lauren won't be worried about you? Jamie : Oh, man! IN THE CAR Jamie : At least I got your hat. AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Haley : So, can I talk to you? Miranda : Would you like to speak with me or talk to me? Haley : Oh, brother, you are a piece of work. So, you're excited about my record, right? John Knight's excited about my record, which is why you guys want to close Red Bedroom... to free me up to record? Miranda : In part, yes. Haley : If you close Red Bedroom, I'm not gonna make an album. Miranda : Haley, you need to remove the emotion from this. It's a business decision. It's not personal. Haley : It is personal. Everything about this label is personal... why Peyton started it, why she made me her partner... It's as personal as it gets. Miranda : If you don't record with us, you don't record at all. We have a contract with you. We own you. Mia : But you don't own me. Miranda : It's a pleasure to meet you, Mia. I've seen you perform a few times, but we've never been formally introduced. Miranda Stone. Mia : Haley's told me a lot about you. Miranda : Red Bedroom records will always be important to us, but at the moment... Mia : Can we just cut to the chase? Haley : How is Chase? Mia : He's good. He says hi. Thanks. Haley : Aww, I was there at your first date. Mia : Oh, I know. You and Nathan were so great. I sold more records than any artist on our roster last year. But if this label goes away, so do I. Miranda : How so? Mia : You distribute my records, but I record for Red Bedroom, exclusively. Peyton made sure of that. Haley : It's true. I checked. Miranda : Wow. Everyone has their price. Mia : No, actually, not everyone. Peyton and Haley are responsible for my career, and you can't put a price on that. And even if you do, I won't accept it. So, congratulations. You're about to lose your biggest-selling artist. Does that pretty much do it, Hales? Haley : Yes. Thank you. Mia : So good to see you. Haley : Oh, good to see you, too. You look so cute. Mia : Thanks. I'll let you two talk. Haley : Yeah? Who's the bitch now, bitch? AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Millicent : I'm so sorry. I should have met with her first. I thought she was the girl from her movies. Brooke : It's okay. I thought so, too. She has been in that bathroom a really long time. Millicent : What are we gonna do? Brooke : I'll tell you what we're not gonna do. We are not gonna pay that dum-dum $500,000. We'll just have to... tell her something. We'll say the company went bankrupt or... Or maybe... we should just start speaking Spanish and she'll get really confused and she'll just leave. Millicent : I don't think that's gonna work. Brooke : It might. She is really dumb. Alex : Brooke? Brooke : Buenos dias. Tenido mucha cerveza. Millicent : Ay, mucha cerveza. Alex : It's okay. I, uh... I know I'm not what you expected. You don't have to pay me. It's just... Brooke : That's one of my designs. Alex : Since rehab, this dress is all I have. When I felt like I was nothing, it gave me strength and dignity. So, no matter what happens to me or where my life takes me, I'll wear this dress... your dress... and I'll be fine. Brooke : It's okay. Of course we will pay you. I... I think you look beautiful in that dress, and I think you're gonna be perfect as the face of the line. Alex : Really? That is so rad! Brooke : Oh! Alex : Yay! AT TV BROADCAST Rachel : Hey. Look at this. It's all over the internet. The buzz is really positive. Dan : I didn't really have "buzz" in mind. Rachel : I know, but that's why you have me. I'm here if you need me oh, this way ... AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : Well, hi. What are you doing? Julian : Fixing you dinner, and thinking about getting rid of my poster. Brooke : Why? Julian : Because you have to eat and because... You hate it. Brooke : I don't hate it. Julian : Yeah. Brooke : No, I don't. I just... I don't really like it there. Julian : It's okay. My father, as you know, was always gone, always on some distant location or at the office, you know, making movies. But this one time, he came home and surprised me and took me to see "the thin red line". And then we spent the rest of the day together, just him and me. And that didn't happen very often. Actually, that really never happened again. But that day... that was a good day. That was probably the best day I ever had with him. And that was the day I decided I wanted to make movies, too, like my dad. let it disappear into my hand whoa, yeah, my hand AT THE RESTAURANT Clay : I appreciate you meeting me. Renee : Oh, so now you appreciate me. What happened to confrontational Clay? Clay : I'm confrontational because I'm protective over Nathan, and because, of all my clients, he's the last one I'd expect to be in this situation. Renee : And what situation is that? Clay : You tell me. Renee : Ask me what's in the envelope. Clay : I'm not here to play games. Renee : The night Nathan scored 35 points against Memphis, you threw a big party for him after the game. I should know. I was there. It got... pretty wild. Clay : Get to the point. Renee : The pictures of what happened between me and Nathan that night are in the envelope. Clay : Whatever's in that envelope is meaningless or fabricated, because we both know that whatever you're accusing him of doing, he didn't do. Renee : Maybe you should take a look. AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Miranda : I spoke with John Knight. He thinks Mia's bluffing, and he still wants to fold the label. But I recommended we don't. Haley : Why? Miranda : Because integrity and loyalty still matter. Does that surprise you... that I actually have a heart? Haley : A little. Miranda : And besides, I don't think she's bluffing, and she makes us a lot of money. If I do this... if... Your album needs to be finished in the next six months. Haley : Hmm. Miranda : Why did Peyton start this label, anyway? You said it was personal. Haley : She thought that major labels were soulless. Miranda : We are. Don't forget it. we just don't see it the same way but you're never sure we can't go on like this anymore AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : It's open Paul : Brooke. You wanted to speak with me? Brooke : You know, my whole life, I wanted to get my mother to be proud of me. And then one night, Julian threatened to exile her from our lives, and I would do the same to you. I'm just not sure it would matter. Paul : You're upset. Brooke : I have this poster hanging in my living room, Paul. Of course I'm upset. And the only reason that it's hanging there is because you took him to see that movie, and for one day that boy felt close to his father. He felt loved and appreciated. And the sad part is that there was only one of those days. Because in my book, the day that he didn't feel that way should be the unique one. Fix it. the hardest thing about this is I still care you know there's something better for both of us out there AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : Hey. Quinn : Hey. cause you wait for rain Quinn : How'd it go at the label? Haley : Um... I think I fixed it temporarily. Now I got to fix my sister. Did you talk to David? Quinn : There's not that much to talk about. We grew apart. You know, we stopped laughing as much, stopped caring as much. Haley : Did something happen recently? Quinn : One night in New York I went to go see "Spring awakening" with some friends. And after we took the subway to this ridiculous open-mike night in Brooklyn. And we watched these horrible performers who, for whatever reason, had to get onstage and be seen and heard. And as I'm watching them, I'm thinking that I understand them. You know, they... they were messy and... and unsure and maybe a little confused, but... but they were doing what they needed to do, you know, what their hearts needed them to do. And then David called my cell phone, and I didn't want to answer. You know, there was a time when he would have been sitting right there, and... and I would have loved that. But he hasn't been that guy in a while. Haley : You guys were great together, you know. I mean, you... you were really happy. Quinn : And then one day we weren't. And I know there's supposed to be some big, huge, important reason why, but there's not. It's just a feeling that I have that this isn't what I want for the rest of my life. Haley : People have a right to change, Quinn. Quinn : Yeah, but they also have a right to stay the same. They have a right to be exactly the person that they've always been. Okay? I didn't change, Haley. David changed. And now somehow I'm the one who's broken because of it. wait for rain and I chase the stars we just don't see ... Haley : So, tell me what the worst act was that you saw that open-mike night. Come on. Quinn : There was this really angry guy who sang "Cat's in the cradle". Yeah, I swear he was a serial killer. Haley : When he got done, everyone clapped, and he, like, sneered at the people who didn't. I guarantee you they're missing right now. I chase the stars Quinn : I miss you, Haley-Bob. Haley : I miss you, too. bring on the wrecking ball Haley : You're not broken. Quinn : Thanks. I hope not. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Paul : Hi, son. I was just... heading back to L.A. and I wanted to... say goodbye. Julian : Okay. Paul : Listen... I came here to tell you that I think you're wrong to put your relationship before your career, but... I think it's me who's been wrong. I wasn't around enough. And... I was too busy caring for fictional characters instead of caring for the real ones in my life. Julian : You did fine, dad. there's just too much, my, my Paul : That poster... that was a good day for us? Julian : The best. my heart's as cold as ice Paul : I don't remember it. I'm sorry. Julian : It's okay. Paul : No, it's not. I'm proud of you, son. You go live your life and... Be happy. And whatever you do, don't be like me, okay? I'll see you. the word that I breathe is a word that I need and the songs that I sing don't mean anything don't you wonder why it's always been this way? all our innocence is gone AT THE BAR Nathan : What'd she say? Clay : That night after your big game against Memphis, we had that party. We got pretty wasted that night. Nathan : Yeah. So? Clay : Well, that was three months ago. if you like, I'll take the blame for all the things that you have done Clay : She's three months pregnant, Nate. my songs on a cold night I can't get you out ... AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Man : And where will you run... back to the life of a peasant harlot? Harlot : Perhaps I will. But should I return to a life of more meager means, I will do so with my dignity intact... Julian : She's good in this. You were right. Harlot : ... my heart pure and true. Brooke : What? I love you. You know that? I love who you are. I don't know how you got there, but I'm glad you did. Julian : I'm glad I did, too, 'cause you're here with me. Brooke : Meager means, indeed. Mmm. Come here. Man : Harlot! Leave the dress! Harlot : This dress is all I have. When I felt like I was nothing, It gave me strength and dignity. So, no matter what happens to me Or where my life takes me, I'll wear this dress, and I'll be fine. IN THE STREET Man : I read your book. Dan : Did it help? Man : It did when I sold it. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : How you doing? Haley : Better now. I had such a crummy day. Nathan : Yeah? Haley : Uh-Huh. Nathan : Well, I think it's about to get worse. Haley : Why? Nathan : I have something I need to tell you. my love is a young love but I know we'll get this right
doc_257	EXT. - L.A. - WAREHOUSE BUILDING - DAY [The sound of slow breathing. The scene fades in with klezmer music. Jenny gets out of her car which is parked next to a warehouse by the freeway. Car traffic and police sirens are heard in the distance.] [Title card: Los Angeles, California, present day] [Jenny walks up to the warehouse. A sign on the building reads "Howling Coyote".] [Jenny goes in. The breathing sound in the background begins to speed up. Jenny walks through a corridor to a main area with a small stage. A woman sits at a table. A big man looking at a clipboard walks past.] Woman: Hey, Victor. She's here. [Victor looks at Jenny.] Victor: Yeah. So? (shrugs) Woman: Trust me. She's a very sick girl. [The breathing stops. Jenny smiles.] [Opening credits] INT. - SHANE AND JENNY'S HOUSE - JENNY'S ROOM - DAY [Jenny sings softly in Hebrew. She slowly flips through the pages of a sketchbook, wherein is drawn disturbing pictures of a naked young woman: urinating in a bowl, being shouted at by a young man wearing a clown t-shirt, and standing on a stage in front of a crowd of cheering, shouting men, lifting her skirt. The title of one of the drawings reads "Skokie, Illinois, 1989". The sound of men cheering and whistling loudly is heard in the background.] [The men in the crowd look vicious, like animals, as they shout at the young girl on stage. Jenny has drawn many of the men in the crowd with warped, bizarre faces, as they jeer and show their teeth at the girl on the stage. Some of the men stare hard; others have their mouths open, shouting.] [Cut to live-action footage of men crowded around a small stage, shouting and banging on the stage animalistically. The men are almost uncontrollable. The scene goes back and forth between live-action shots and the drawings.] [We see a drawing of a young Jenny, stripped down to her underwear, standing alone as hands reach for her. The sounds of cheering and shouting finally drift away. Jenny still sings softly.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY [Deliverymen are bringing in a hospital bed for Melvin. Kit sits nearby. Bette moves furniture around.] Bette: Just right in the middle of the living room. Kit: Not a good decorating choice. You're going to be sorry. Bette: I just had to get him out of the hospital. It was killing him. Kit: Cancer's killing him. Bette: (to deliverymen) That's great. Right there. Can you guys hook that up for me, please? Deliveryman: Really not our job, ma'am. Here are the instructions. [The deliveryman hands Bette a slip of paper before leaving. Bette reads it.] Kit: Do you have any idea what you're taking on? Are you prepared to watch our father die right here in your living room? Bette: He could go into remission, Kit. Don't put him in the ground quite yet. Kit: He's refusing treatment. Bette: His doctors give him four to six weeks. I give him as long as he wants to stay alive. Kit: And what about work? Bette: (sighs) Don't worry about work, Kit. I just... want to make sure that Daddy's set up. I'll figure something out. Kit: I don't think you know what you're in for. This is going to eat you alive. Bette: I didn't know that I would be taking it on all by myself. Kit: Then you should have talked to me. You should have included me in this huge decision you made about how our father's going to leave this earth. INT. - SHANE AND JENNY'S HOUSE - JENNY'S ROOM - DAY [Jenny still sits, looking at the sketchbook, still singing softly in Hebrew. Shane walks in with coffee and a muffin and sits down next to her.] Jenny: Thank you. That's nice. Shane: They're from Mark. Jenny: No, thank you. Shane: Look, he asked me to bring it. Jenny: I'm not going to let the bstrd redeem himself. Shane: Look, I doubt he thinks that coffee and a muffin's going to redeem him. [Jenny says nothing, continues looking at the sketchbook. Shane gets up and walks to the door.] Shane: Look, I hate to bring this up, but... we have rent - Jenny: No, no, no. I know. Shane: You know, Jen, I'd - I'd cover you if I could - Jenny: No. Shane: You know, Mark offered - [Jenny turns around to Shane.] Jenny: No. [She turns back to her sketchbook.] Jenny: I'll pay my own rent. Shane: Okay. [Shane leaves.] EXT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY [Shelly, the nurse, walks to the front door.] EXT. - SHANE AND JENNY'S HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY [Mark is busy scraping old paint off the house with a paint scraper.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY [Bette is taking down some of the more suggestive art she has in her house. Shelly knocks at the door.] Bette: Come in. Shelly: (entering) Hi. Bette: Oh, thank God you're here. Can you figure out how to hook that thing up? Shelly: Oh, yeah, sure. (pointing to her bags) Is there anywhere that I can... Bette: Oh, there's a spare bedroom around the corner, at the end of the hallway. Shelly: Okay. THE BABY'S ROOM - [Shelly walks into the spare bedroom and sees the glass mobile and a baby's crib. She sets down her bag and walks back out to the living room.] LIVING ROOM - [Bette is now putting up pictures that were in a box of her and Tina. She looks at a picture a moment, and then sets it on the nightstand. Shelly enters.] Shelly: I see you have a baby. Bette: No, not yet. Maybe. I mean, yes, in 10 days. My ex. My ex, she's due in 10 days. Shelly: You have a lot on your plate. [Bette begins dialing a number on her phone.] Bette: That's nothing new to me. Shelly: Have you thought about what's going to happen if your father's still alive when the baby's born? [Bette looks a little confused.] Bette: He will be. (phone) Hi, James, it's me. [Bette paces as she talks. Shelly prepares the IV by the bed.] Bette: (phone) Can you call my father's housekeeper and have her send out my father's family photographs? Just have her overnight them to me. Okay. Okay, great. Thanks. [Bette hangs up and sighs, and turns to Shelly.] Bette: I was looking at my father's medication chart. Why is he taking Prednisone? Isn't that some kind of steroid? Shelly: Yeah, it can help with mental clarity when there's inflammation or swelling around the brain. [Bette stares at Shelly, seemingly struck by the gravity of the words.] Shelly: Towards the end, it'll get very... confusing and frightening. And not just for the patient. [Bette looks sad.] INT. - THE PLANET - HELENA'S TABLE - DAY [Tina, Dana, and Alice walk in. They pass Helena and Leigh who are at a table together, staring into each other's eyes and holding hands. Helena sees Tina.] Helena: Tina! [They unclasp hands.] Helena: Dana, Alice. Do you know Leigh Ostin? [Leigh waves at the gang.] Dana: No, hi. Leigh: (re: Tina's belly) Oh, my God. You're so close. How are you feeling? Tina: Oh, hungry. [Everyone chuckles. Helena grins.] Leigh: Hey, is this Bette Porter's baby? Tina: Well, our baby. Leigh: Oh, I just met her recently. She is great. Helena: Didn't she ask you out? Leigh: (smiling uncomfortably) Yeah. [Helena smiles a bit vindictively at Tina. Tina gives a little laugh.] Tina: Uh, we're going to go sit down. Alice: Yeah. Helena: See you. Dana: Bye. Helena: Oh, but I'll see you here later tonight, yeah? Tina: Oh, um, maybe. I just feel like a hot bath and my own bed tonight. Helena: Well, we'll make it an early one. Tina: We'll see. (to Leigh) It was nice seeing you again. Leigh: You too. Helena: Bye. Leigh: Bye. Dana: Bye. [Helena watches after Tina as she goes to another part of the cafe and sits down; she looks somber, somewhat hurt.] AT TINA'S TABLE - Dana: Okay... [Everybody picks up a menu and starts looking at it.] Dana: So... so you're okay with that, huh? Tina: What? Dana: (nodding head toward Helena) That. [Tina looks over. She doesn't seem upset or anything.] Tina: Oh. Yeah, I'm okay with it. Dana: Oh. [Alice looks distant.] Alice: I wouldn't be okay with it. [Lara suddenly appears out of nowhere.] Lara: (to Dana) I was wondering when I would see you in here. You haven't come in for dinner. Dana: (shocked) Oh, my God! Lara: Can I have a hug? Dana: Yeah! [Dana gets up and they hug very happily.] Dana: (hugging) Hi, wow, look at you! [Alice stares at them, dumbstruck. She looks a tad put off.] Tina: Hi, why don't you sit down? [Dana and Lara sit down.] Lara: Yeah, okay, just until Kit gets here. We're planning a new lunch menu. Dana: (confused) You work here? Alice: Lunch! Wow! You're going to be here so much! And Gabby will probably be here, and - Lara: We're not together. [Silence. Alice nods absently, and then stares at her menu. Tina watches Alice. Lara redirects her attention back to Dana.] Lara: I am so proud of you. You came out, big time. Dana: (grinning) Yeah. Well, sorry I didn't do it any sooner. (chuckles) [The two of them grin and stare at each other like a couple of lovesick teenagers. Lara looks off into the distance. Alice looks completely crushed.] Lara: Oh, you know what? Kit's here. I should probably go, but... can we have dinner? [Alice cocks her head. Dana's seems a bit surprised. She carefully defers to Alice.] Dana: Yeah - I'd love to. Would that be okay with you, babe? [Alice's mouth is frozen open.] Lara: Oh. Oh, you guys are dat... Alice: Well... (smiles) Lara: (laughs) Oh, my God. I'm sorry. [Lara, smiling, now seems as surprised as everyone else. She looks at Dana.] Alice: Um... (fidgeting) Dana, you don't have to get permission from me to go out to dinner with your ex. You guys should be friends. (nods) Best, best friends. [Alice's smile is big and fake.] Lara: Okay, well. Alice: (smiling) Uh-huh! Lara: (to Dana) I'll, um... I'll talk to you after. Dana: Okay. Lara: Okay. It was good to see you guys. Alice: (super fake smile) Uh-huh, you too! Okay. Lara: Bye. [Lara gets up and walks off. Dana grins.] Dana: Wow. [Alice flips her menu over and blows out a breath, avoiding eye contact with Dana.] Alice: Whew, okay. INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY [Shelly walks from the kitchen into the living room, with a handful of pill bottles and a large days-of-the-week pill sorting box. Bette is in the living room, making her father's bed.] Shelly: So, I've organized his meds into times and dosages so you can keep to the schedule when I'm not here, and I'll show you how to clean and insert the I.V. catheter. [Shelly sets the pill bottles on the nightstand next to the bed. Also on the nightstand is a picture of Bette hugging Tina. Bette looks at the picture, and at the pill bottles. Footsteps are heard on the porch.] Shelly: Speak of the devil. Here he is. [Melvin is wheeled into the house on an ambulance gurney by two paramedics.] Shelly: Welcome home, Mr. Porter. [Bette is a little taken aback at the scene. She closes the door.] Bette: How are you feeling, Daddy? Melvin: Who is this woman? Bette: Uh, that's... Shelly. She was in the hospital with you yesterday. You remember? She's your nurse? [The paramedics move Melvin over to the hospice bed Bette's prepared. His IV and oxygen are in place. Melvin stares at the four people standing around his bed looking at him.] Melvin: Am I on display? [The paramedics leave with their gurney.] Melvin: (shouting) Can't a man have a bit of privacy? Shelly: (to Bette) I suggest hospital curtains. I can order them. [Shelly hangs up Melvin's IV.] Bette: Curtains are so ugly and depressing. Get some of those Japanese screens and make a room within a room. Hey, why don't you pick some of those up at Ikea? Shelly: Um, maybe you can get your assistant to do that. [Bette looks confused.] INT. - JENNY & SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY [Mark is working on the sink. Jenny is putting things in her purse.] Mark: Seriously, Jenny, if you're short on rent this month, it's not a problem. Jenny: fck you. Mark: I don't expect that it would fix everything. Jenny: (calmly) Like you can buy me off with money and good deeds, like I'm some kind of a whore? Mark: That's not what I meant. [Jenny grabs her purse and leaves.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY [Franklin is sitting at the table, having a glass of tea. Bette is putting things away and organizing Melvin's pills on the countertop.] Bette: I was planning on coming in this afternoon, but he just seemed a little disoriented, so I just didn't feel comfortable. Franklin: You're doing the right thing, Bette. Bette: After this week, I should be able to get back to some... semblance of a normal schedule. Franklin: Listen, we - we don't want you to feel pressured, uh... You take however much time you need. Bette: (smiles at him) Thank you. I appreciate that. Franklin: We just, uh, need to put some... structure in place, uh... no, I - I'm sure the board would support a temporary leave of absence. [Bette stops and turns to Franklin, confused.] Bette: A leave of absence? What about the Allyn Barnes retrospective? Franklin: (smiling) Well, we have Leo. Things won't totally fall apart while you're gone. Bette: (agitated) I hired a nurse. I wasn't planning on taking a leave of absence. I'm sure that as soon as he trusts her - [Shelly comes in.] Shelly: I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need your help. Bette: (to Franklin) I'm sorry. Excuse me, just... [Bette follows Shelly into the living room.] Franklin: Sure. LIVING ROOM - [Shelly and Bette stand on opposite sides of the bed. They are going to turn Melvin over.] Shelly: So we have to do this every few hours. Just take his shoulder gently, under here, like that. [They start to move him. Melvin grumbles.] Bette: Is that okay? [Melvin groans as Bette pulls him onto his side and holds him there. Shelly puts a pillow at his back.] Shelly: Yeah. Use a pillow to prop him. [Franklin enters.] Franklin: Sorry, I - I have to go back to the office. Bette: Just one second... [They get Melvin situated and covered up. Bette walks over to talk to Franklin by the door.] Franklin: Your father's lucky to have you, Bette. Bette: Thanks. Franklin: Uh, just - let me know what you want to do. Bette: About what? Franklin: Uh, about the leave of absence. Bette: (sighs) Can I have until Monday to decide? Franklin: Of course. Take the weekend. [Franklin leaves. Bette closes the door and sighs.] EXT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Cars zoom past. A doorman stands in the doorway. People sit outside on the patio.] INT. - THE PLANET - HELENA & TINA'S TABLE - NIGHT [Helena and Tina, and Dana and Alice, are having dinner. A blonde woman sits on the other side of Helena. Helena hands a menu to the waitress.] Helena: (to waitress) Ask Lara to - (to Dana) it is Lara, isn't it? Your chef? Dana: Yeah. Helena: (to waitress) Ask Lara to bring us a selection of small tastes, whatever she thinks is most delicious. Alice: (to Dana) "Your chef"? That's nice. Blonde woman: Wow. This is my favorite way to eat. Helena: You should stick with me, then. [Helena is being openly flirtatious right in front of Tina. Tina looks very uncomfortable.] Dana: Alice, if you don't want me to go out with her, just - Alice: I said it was okay. [Helena is turned completely to the other woman, fully engaged, her back completely to Tina. Helena and the woman are flirting big time.] Blonde: I'm a surveillance photographer. I work for divorce lawyers, wives trying to find their husbands cheating on them, that kind of thing. Helena: That's brilliant. I should bring you with me to New York. You can spy on my ex. [Both laugh.] Tina: I'm going to go. Helena: (surprised) Why? We haven't even eaten. Tina: (smiling) I can't keep my eyes open. But please stay. I'll take a cab. Helena: You okay? Tina: Besides having to pee like a horse? Helena: You know what I mean. Tina: Helena, I'm tired. I just want to go home and be alone. Helena: Fine. Enjoy being alone. Tina: I will. I want to enjoy it while I can. [Tina stares daggers at Helena before getting up.] Tina: Bye, guys. Alice: Okay, I'll see you later. Dana: Bye. [Helena looks like she's having second thoughts. She stands.] Helena: Tina... [Helena embraces Tina, gives her a kiss on the cheek. In the hug, she gets close to her ear.] Helena: (whispering) You won't be alone, but you'll still get lonely. [The hug ends. Tina looks a little hurt and walks away. Helena smiles a bit smugly.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT [Bette and Kit sit next to their father's bed. Melvin sleeps quietly. His EKG machine beeps quietly in the background. Bette is reading a poem - "The Negro Speaks of Rivers" by Langston Hughes.] Bette: (reading) "I looked upon the Nile and raised the pyramids above it. I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln went down to New Orleans, and I've seen its muddy bosom turn all golden in the sunset." (Bette sighs) (reading) "I've known rivers, ancient, dusky rivers. My soul has grown deep, like the rivers." [Bette puts the book down and gets up.] Bette: Daddy, it's time to turn you over. I'm just going to try to do this by myself, okay? Melvin: (weakly) Uh-huh... [Bette doesn't see that Tina has walked into the room. Bette starts to lift up her father's shoulder.] Bette: I'm just going to lift up... Tina: Let me help you. [Bette is surprised to see Tina. Tina goes to the other side of the bed and helps Bette roll her father over.] Bette: If you could just... take the pillow... Tina: Okay. Bette: And I'll hold his shoulder here. Tina: (putting pillow behind Melvin) Kit made you dinner. I promised her I'd make you sit down and eat it. [Melvin is finally situated. Bette rolls him back onto the pillow. Melvin grunts.] Bette: That's good. [Tina looks down at her would-be father-in-law. He stares back up at her. Bette watches.] Tina: Hello, Melvin. It's Tina. "Ms. Kennard." Melvin: I know who you are. Tina: Kit's at work. She'll be here as soon as she can. Melvin: Who? Bette: Katie, Daddy. She said she's going to be here soon. Melvin: (to Bette) How does she know Katie? [Tina isn't sure what to say.] Bette: (to Melvin) I'm going to go get you a glass of water. Okay? I'll be right back. Tina: (to Bette) I'll fix you dinner. KITCHEN - [Bette and Tina walk in. Bette gets a glass of water, and Tina prepares some of the food Kit made. Bette starts to walk back into the living room.] Tina: I'm sorry... if I was selfish the other night. Bette: It's okay. [Bette returns to the living room.] LATER - LIVING ROOM - [Melvin is sleeping. Tina sits next to Bette as Bette stares at her father.] Bette: I put him in the living room. I didn't want to put him in the baby's room, in case... [Bette gets teary-eyed. She leans back in the chair, and lays against Tina's shoulder. Tina has her arm around her. They watch Melvin sleep. Bette relaxes into her embrace and Tina pets her hair.] Bette: We've never done this before. Tina: I've never held you? Bette: In front of my father. Tina: He's asleep. [Melvin's eyes open. He looks at the two women.] Melvin: (very pleased) Now, that's what I like to see. (to Tina) Now, promise... you'll take good care of my girl. [Tina looks a little dazed, as Melvin has never addressed them openly about their relationship. Bette smiles up at Tina.] Tina: I promise. Melvin: (to Bette) And you... you take good care of your mother, too. You hear me? Maxine... don't run away again... [Bette seems let down and heartbroken at the same time. She leans forward and puts her face in her hands, crying.] Melvin: Stay... with our little girl. I know I let you down, Maxine. I was weak. (sobbing) I didn't mean to. [Bette goes to sit on the edge of his bed and comfort him.] Bette: Oh, Daddy. Melvin: But I need you... Bette: Daddy... Melvin: ... to stay... and look after my girl... Bette: Daddy... INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Kit is serving patrons in the bar. Dana and Alice are in the corner, talking. Shane walks up.] Shane: Hey, Carmen called me. Is she really here? Alice: Who? [The lights go down and music starts. Cheering and applause ensues.] Shane: It's Peaches. C'mon, let's go! [A performer named Peaches sings a song. Shane and Carmen are in the crowd a few feet from each other. Every few seconds they glance at each other then glance away.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT [Melvin is sleeping. Bette sits on the edge of his bed, worrying.] Bette: I can't face it. I can't face it. [Tina smoothes Bette's hair back from her face. Bette sobs softly. Bette stands up. Tina hugs her as she cries.] MOMENTS LATER - [Tina leads a crying Bette back into the bedroom. Bette sits on the edge of the bed and starts to take her clothes off. Tina pets her hair and helps her get undressed. Bette looks up to her. Tina leans down and kisses her softly.] Bette: (sobbing) Can we just sleep? Tina: (smiling) Yes, please. [Bette lays down on the bed. Tina lays down with her and they sleep.] INT. - JENNY & SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING [Jenny walks in and gets a box of cereal from the top of the fridge and a bowl from the sink. She ignores Mark, who's making coffee. Jenny sits and eats.] Mark: Want some coffee? [No reply. Mark shakes his head.] EXT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM WINDOW - MORNING [We see Bette and Tina still sleeping, through the window. Bette stirs and sits up, still looking exhausted.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING [Bette tiptoes in. Melvin's EKG beeps. Kit is laying in the lounger next to her dad, asleep. She stirs awake when she hears Bette.] Bette: Hey. What time did you get here? Kit: A little after midnight. (stands) He had a rough night. He was awake, but he didn't talk. He was in so much pain. Bette: I feel like he's giving up. [Kit stands next to Bette. They look at their father.] Bette: Uh, Shelly's going to be here in an hour. She said she wants to give him a sponge bath this morning. Melvin: No, she will not. That's an indignity I am not prepared to endure. [Bette pours a glass of water.] Melvin: You can help me to the bathroom. I'm perfectly capable of bathing myself... which you don't seem to be able to do these days. I haven't seen you out of those clothes since I first arrived. Bette: Because I've been taking care of you, Daddy. Melvin: To the detriment of your work, and what's all this about taking a leave of absence? Bette: I'm considering it. Melvin: So you can mope around here and watch an old man die? I will not have it! Your work is too important for that. Bette: It's not more important than you. Melvin: I don't want either of you to compromise your careers on my behalf. Do you understand? Kit: Yeah. Melvin: (to Kit) And you. If you think Benjamin is going to leave his family for you - Kit: I don't, Daddy. Melvin: What do you mean, you don't? Kit: I wouldn't do that to another man's wife. Melvin: It's human nature to pursue one's happiness over someone else's misery. Kit: Not always, Daddy. After her mother stole you from my mother, you fell in love with someone else, didn't you, Daddy? Melvin: That doesn't matter. [Tina walks in.] Tina: Oh, um... I'm sorry. Melvin: Hello, Tina. [Everybody gawks at Melvin. This is the first time Melvin has ever addressed her directly as Tina.] Tina: (smiles) Hello, Melvin. [Bette casts a backwards glance at Tina.] Melvin: Where's my nurse? I'm ready to get out of this damn bed. Kit: Daddy... Bette: No, Daddy, just relax. Tina: It's good to see that you're feeling better. (to Bette) I have to go to work. [Bette and Tina hold hands as Bette walks her to the door. Melvin watches them closely. Bette and Tina kiss then Tina leaves. Melvin doesn't turn away.] IN THE HALLWAY - [Kit and Bette are supporting Melvin between them as they help him to the bathroom.] Kit: Just be careful. Bette: Alright. Alright. Okay. Kit: Not too fast. Bette: Okay. Kit: Alright, you're alright. Okay. [They arrive at the open bathroom door.] Melvin: Alright. Can a man have some privacy? Huh? Kit: Yeah, Daddy. [Melvin walks into the bathroom and slams the door in their faces.] Bette: Just leave him alone, I think he'll be fine. [They lean in to listen. The doorbell chimes. Bette goes to answer it.] LIVING ROOM - Shelly: Sorry I'm late. Traffic on the 405 - where's your father? Bette: He's doing well. He's in the bathroom. [There's a loud crash and thud down the hallway. Bette and Shelly race to the bathroom.] HALLWAY - [Kit opens the bathroom door.] Kit: Oh, Daddy! Are you okay, Daddy? [Melvin has fallen down in the bathroom. Kit kneels next to him.] Melvin: I - [Bette and Shelly race in. Shelly quickly kneels next to Melvin to keep him still. Melvin reaches up toward Bette.] Shelly: Don't move. Mr. Porter, don't move. Melvin: No, no. No hospitals. Shelly: Just try and stay as still as possible. Melvin: No, no hospital. No more hospitals. No. (to Bette) No more hospital! No! [Bette leaves the bathroom.] Shelly: (to Melvin) Okay, just try and relax. INT. - JENNY & SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING [Jenny is sitting at the table eating. Mark is sitting on the countertop reading the paper. Shane drinks some coffee.] Shane: (to Jenny) Where were you last night? You missed Peaches. [Jenny shrugs. Suddenly, the kitchen door opens and Bette races in.] Bette: I need your help! [Bette races back out. All three follow her.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING [Everyone is carrying Melvin back to his bed...] Kit: Going around the corner, guys. Daddy, are you okay? Bette: Just get his head. Do we have his head? Shelly: Yeah, we've got his head, and watch the ivy there. Kit: Okay. Alright. Alright. [... except Jenny, who watches from the sidelines.] Shelly: You're doing real good. INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - DAY [Dana is in the bathroom wrapped in a towel, freshly showered. She sits on the edge of the tub, shaving her legs. Alice walks in.] Alice: Why are you shaving your legs? Dana: 'Cause there's hair on them? Alice: So? Is Lara going to feel them or something? [Dana narrows her eyes a little at Alice.] Alice: What, it's a legitimate question. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. - L.A. STREET - DAY [Shane and Mark are walking down the sidewalk. Shane is on her cell phone. Mark is reading the label on a can.] Shane: (phone) Hey. Yeah, we're just picking a few things up for Melvin. Yeah, well, listen, why don't you and Dana grab a bottle of wine and some flowers when we hit Bette's? Alright. Yeah, sounds good. Alright, see you then. Bye. (to Mark) Oh, poor Bette. Mark: "Poor Bette," man? Poor Melvin. (re: can) Look at this sh1t. It's liquid food. Shane: Cycle of life. You wind up eating baby food, and you're back in diapers. Mark: Mm. [Mark's cellphone rings. He stops and looks at the readout.] Shane: Who's that? Mark: No one. Shane: Who's that?? Mark: (smiling) No one. [Shane gives him a playful kick in the butt.] Mark: It's Lola. Shane: Lola? Who's Lola? Mark: Uh, she's that girl from last night. Shane: Wait, the one who was up on stage with Peaches? Mark: Yes. Shane: (laughing) Stiffing her on stage? Mark: (laughing) Shut up. She was drunk. Shane: sh1t, if she's drunk, do you think she'd text message me? Mark: Shut the fck up. Shane: I'll text message her. (laughs) INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY [Bette is on the phone.] Bette: (phone) I've already been transferred. [Alice and Dana enter, carrying flowers and beer.] Bette: (phone) One second. (to Alice/Dana) I'll be right there. (phone) Hello? (clears throat) Yeah, this is Bette Porter. I'm trying to hire an additional respite worker. [Alice and Dana set the stuff in the kitchen.] LATER - BACK PORCH - [Bette, Mark, Shane, Dana, and Alice are sitting around having beer.] Shane: Uh, my dad? Invisible. Mark: Bitter. Dana: (clears throat) (nodding) Dependably supportive. Mark: (holds up a finger, smiling) One word. Dana: Dependable. [Alice is quiet. She seems a little lost.] Alice: Distant. [She looks at Dana. Dana watches her. Alice looks away.] Mark: Bette, what about you? Bette: What about me, what? Shane: Describe your dad. One word. Bette: Dying. LATER - LIVING ROOM - [Blues plays in the background. Bette is giving Melvin water via an eye dropper.] Bette: There you go. Swallow. [Shane walks in, followed by the others.] Shane: Hey. Bette: I'm sorry, my father was thirsty. Shane: Maybe we should let you be. Bette: Yeah. Thanks, you guys. Shane: Bye. Call if you need anything. Bette: Okay. [Bette puts a few more drops of water into Melvin's mouth.] Bette: Open. There you go. Swallow. EXT. - RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY [Alice drives up the street and stops at the curb to let Dana out.] Alice: Alright. I'll see you at 10:00. Dana: Yep. 10:00 o'clock. Now, what is it? Alice: I don't know. A nightclub thing with Jenny. I don't know, but she said be there at 10:00, so don't be late. Dana: Okay, I'll be there. [Dana leans forward and gives Alice a kiss on the cheek. Alice looks nervous and worried.] Dana: Are you okay? Alice: Yes. Mm-hmm. Dana: Okay. I'll see you later. Alice: Alrighty. Dana: Okay. [Dana gets out. Alice watches her go, then looks down.] Alice: (quietly) Goddammit. INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY [Bette has a box full of Melvin's old photos. She looks at some of the pictures. Melvin watches her, but seems far away, unable to react.] Bette: Here are some of your things, Daddy. (looks at photo) There's me and mom. [The picture is of a beautiful woman with long, blonde hair holding Bette, who's about 2 in the picture. Bette shows the picture to Melvin.] Bette: I remember that little ball. [Bette sets the framed picture on the shelf by the bed and gets another out of the box.] Bette: I don't remember this one. Do you remember this? You and mom? [Bette shows the framed photo to Melvin. He looks, but doesn't answer. The photo is black and white, of a young Melvin and Maxine. Bette pulls out another photo.] Bette: Here's me and mom. [Maxine watches a 2-year old Bette playing with toys. Bette looks affectionately at the picture, and shows it to Melvin. Melvin smiles warmly.] Bette: I had a lot of hair as a kid. (chuckles) There's some of her watercolors in here. Oh, look. [Bette pulls out a seashell from the box and smiles.] Bette: Where's that from? Melvin: I... Bette: (smiling) Acapulco, right? (puts shell down) Let's see what else we have in here. [Bette carefully pulls out a beautiful watercolor in a matte frame. She looks at it. The scene is of window shutters surrounded by flowers in a sunny room. She holds it up for Melvin to see.] Bette: I think this one was your favorite, wasn't it? She knew her stuff, mom, didn't she? [Melvin looks warmly at the painting.] Melvin: (mumbling) Yeah... yeah... Bette: I'm going to put this right over here. [Bette sets the painting on the shelf by the bed. Melvin's eyes never leave it.] EXT. - LA - DAY [A shot of a palm tree swaying in the breeze, with a mountain in the background. Traffic and police sirens are heard in the distance.] INT. - RESTAURANT - DANA & LARA'S TABLE - NIGHT [Dana and Lara are sitting at a small table eating African/Middle Eastern food with their fingers.] Lara: I should've worn my latex jumpsuit. Dana: (laughs) I really miss our food adventures. Lara: You know, there's this Peruvian restaurant in Van Nuys I've been wanting to go to. Dana: Mm-hmm? [Lara looks at her expectantly.] Dana: I shouldn't. Lara: Training. Dana: No. Well, yeah, sort of. Lara: Alice. Dana: Lara... Lara: Dana... I'm just talking about a dinner. Dana: No, this is a dinner. What you're talking about... is a second dinner. [The camera slowly closes in on Dana's purse, sitting on the chair next to Dana. It buzzes with an incoming call, but Dana doesn't notice.] EXT. - RAUNCHY BAR - NIGHT [Alice is on her phone, pacing. Bikers and cars go by. Rock music is heard from the bar.] Alice: (phone) Hey, uh, hey, it's me, um... I just wanted to call and tell you to, uh, maybe get here at, like, a quarter to 10:00. Um... [Carmen passes by and waves.] Carmen: Al, hey! [Alice waves back. Carmen goes in to the bar.] Alice: (phone) um, 'cause it looks like it might be a little busy... crowded. Um, so, okay, yeah, call me when you get this. Okay? Bye. (hangs up) Goddammit. INT. - RAUNCHY BAR - NIGHT [The bar is packed, and it appears 99% of the patrons are burly biker-type men. The centerpiece of the bar is a stage where currently, a woman is stripping as heavy metal pounds out over the speakers. Men crowd around the stage and howl and cheer over the music as the woman reveals her breasts. Carmen tries to make her way in, toward the table where Shane is standing.] Carmen: Jesus Christ. Shane: Hey! Carmen: Hey! Nice place! Shane: Oh, yeah. Did Jenny invite you? Yeah, she did. Have you seen her? Shane: No. Carmen: This just doesn't feel right. I'm going to go look for her. God, why would she want to come to this place? [The woman strips and writhes as she dances. Some of the men pound the stage, grunting and shouting at her. Shane looks over and sees Carmen, not very far into the crowd. We can hear Carmen shouting angrily at someone. Shane leaves her table and walks over.] Carmen: (to some guy, angrily) What do you mean, "Cool your jets, honey"? Don't fcking touch me! Get your fcking hands off of me! Guy: Whoa, honey, honey, cool your jets. Carmen: What the fck is your problem, man? Why do you have to fcking touch me, huh? Guy: Hey, hey, whoa, baby, whoa. Carmen: What?! Why do you have to fcking put your hands on me? [Shane gets to Carmen just as a bouncer comes and separates the guy from Carmen. Shane walks Carmen away from the scene.] Carmen: Asshole! Shane: Are you all right? Carmen: Yes. [Another guy bumps into Carmen. She shoves at him a little.] Carmen: Goddammit! [Shane is grinning profusely. She leans close to Carmen's ear, shouting over the music.] Shane: Do you want to go out sometime? Carmen: What? Shane: (leans in again) Do you want to go out with me sometime? [Carmen stares at Shane, a little dumbstruck.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT [Melvin is sleeping. Bette and Kit sit close to his bedside. Bette is reading "The Negro Speaks of Rivers" to him again.] Bette: (reading) "And I've seen its muddy bosom turn all golden in the sunset. I have known rivers... ancient, dusky rivers" - Kit: What is that? Bette: It's Daddy's favorite poem. Kit: Oh. Bette: Didn't he ever read it to you? Kit: No... and thank God, because that's one dull-ass poem. Melvin: (groaning) Mama... ma... Bette: Oh, Daddy, shhhh. Melvin: Mama... mama... Bette: Shh, Daddy. Shh. Melvin: Ma... m... Bette: Daddy, it's okay. [Kit begins to sing softly - "Rusty Old Halo".] Kit: (singing) "Rusty old halo, skinny white clouds..." [Bette joins in.] Kit/Bette: (singing) "... second-hand wings full of patches. Rusty old halo, skinny white cloud, a robe so woolly it scratches. I know a man rich as a king, still he just won't give his neighbor a thing. His day will come, I'll make a bet, he'll get to heaven and here's what he'll get." [Kit begins to cry as she sings. Bette looks at her.] Kit/Bette: (singing) "Rusty old halo, skinny white cloud, a robe so woolly it scratches." Kit: (singing) (weakly) "A robe so woolly, it scratches..." [Bette puts her head on Kit's shoulder.] INT. - RAUNCHY BAR - NIGHT [The music and loud cheering continues. The stripper finishes her dance and leaves the stage. The male MC comes out.] MC: (mic) Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome a special new dancer. Give it up for Miss Yeshiva Girl! [The crowds cheer harder, beating on the stage and howling. More blaring heavy metal starts playing. We see Jenny sitting off stage, just behind the curtain, biding her time before going out there. She throws a high-heeled shoe out on the stage and the men go even wilder.] SHANE'S TABLE - [Shane leans up against the table, watching the stage. Dana is making her way towards her, jumping out of the way to avoid contact with anyone or anything.] Dana: Hey! Shane: Hey! Dana: I feel like I'm in hell. What is this place? Shane: It's Jenny. [The man that works the spotlight for the stage shines the spotlight on the curtain, waiting for Jenny. The men are starting to shout and boo, because so far Jenny hasn't materialized. Dana looks around the club.] Dana: Where's Alice? Shane: She went to look for you. INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Alice opens the door. The bed is empty; Dana is nowhere to be found. She throws her purse down and flops on the bed and buries her face in the covers. She rolls onto her back and sighs.] Alice: Dana? INT. - RAUNCHY BAR - NIGHT [Klezmer music is playing. The crowd is starting to jeer. Jenny, still behind the curtain on the side, throws out a piece of clothing. The men shout and cheer wildly. Jenny finally steps out onto the stage nonchalantly. She's dressed in a black t-shirt and blue jeans. We start to see scenes of this audience that look exactly like the scenes from the beginning of the episode. The men howl and bang on the stage, cheering and whistling wildly. Some of the men are shouting various things at her to hurry up.] Men: (shouting) C'mon! Hurry it up! Take it off! [At first, Jenny looks a little uneasy, but then she slowly walks out to the middle of the stage, middle of the crowd of shouting men. Shane and Carmen watch from the back of the club.] Shane: What the fck is she doing? [The men are getting anxious. The cheering has turned into jeering. All the men are shouting at her to take her clothes off already. Jenny stares at the crowd, looking a little uneasy again. The sounds of the crowd slowly fade out, replaced by the sounds of Jenny softly singing in Hebrew. Jenny pulls her shirt off. The men start to cheer harder, but all we can hear is the klezmer and Jenny's singing. Jenny takes off her bra and throws it at the audience. The men cheer harder. After a couple of seconds, Jenny pushes her pants down to her ankles, now completely nude on the stage. She puts her arms in the air. The men go crazy, crazier than ever, screaming and cheering. Their sounds fade back in.] INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Dana walks in and finds Alice laying on the bed, crying.] Dana: Al? (worried) Alice, what happened? Alice: I was calling your phone, you weren't answering. Where were you? Dana: I was there, where were you? Alice: I... I... I thought I lost you. Dana: I'm right here. (quietly) I'm right here. EXT. - LA SKYLINE - MORNING [Another beautiful morning in L.A. The skyline is framed by the mountains in the distance. Smog hangs low over the city.] INT. - JENNY & SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING [Mark is making pancakes. Jenny comes in and sits at the table.] Jenny: That smells good. Mark: Thanks. Jenny: May I have one? Mark: Of course. Jenny: Thank you. INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MORNING [Tina is still sleeping.] EXT. - LA - HOLLYWOOD HILLS - MORNING [Palm trees sway in the breeze.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING [Bette is at the stove, pouring herself some hot water from a kettle. She's softly humming "Rusty Old Halo".] LIVING ROOM - [Melvin groans. He slowly turns his head to look at the photos of his family by the bed, then he is still.] KITCHEN - [Bette stops and looks up.] Bette: Daddy? [Bette walks slowly to the living room, fearful.] Bette: Daddy? [Bette jogs over to her father's bedside, calling out to her sister down the hall.] Bette: Kit! [Bette kneels by the bed and looks at her father.] Bette: Daddy? [Kit runs into the room.] Bette: Daddy? Daddy! Daddy?! [Kit kneels by the bed. Melvin doesn't respond to Bette's pleas. She puts her head on Melvin's chest and sobs. Bette rests her head on Melvin's chest, holding his hand, crying. We see a closeup of her face; her eyes are open and she looks shocked.] [Kit sobs.] [Fade to black] [Titlecard: Dedicated to the memory of Ossie Davis] - END -
doc_258	"The Intern in the Incinerator" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Interior - Day - Sirens are blaring and lights are flashing in a brick basement at the Jeffersonian. Two men in overalls enter and walk down the corridor) JANITOR #1: Smoke comes out of the vents in the first floor break rooms. JANITOR #2: You're sure you turned the flame down last night? JANITOR #1: Totally, one hundred percent guaranteed, positively sure. Alarms gone off before but the smoke was always gray. JANITOR #2: One time a possum got caught in the shaft, smoke came out like this. JANITOR #1: Dr. Addy was conducting an experiment on a pig yesterday. I told all them eggheads not to toss dead animals down the incinerator shaft. JANITOR #2: (They stop in front of the incinerator door) Since when do they listen to us. (Opens the incinerator door) JANITOR #1: Holy crap! (Covers his mouth, coughing) JANITOR #2: (Looking inside) Definitely not pork! (Camera pans into the incinerator. A burnt body lies inside above the flames. Cut to later, fire is out and Brennan and Cam are looking inside.) BRENNAN: At four hundred degrees, bone chars in six hours and turns to ash in eight. CAM: Charring, no ash. Six to eight hours? Dumped into the incinerator between one and three a.m. (Booth enters behind Cam and Brennan, who do not notice ) BOOTH: Ugh. Alive or dead before he or she went into the incinerator? CAM: Can't tell yet. BRENNAN; (Turning to Booth and notice a file in his hand) What's that? BOOTH: Guest log. ((Looking at the file) No visitors checked out after nine thirty-six last night, and no one checked in before eight o' two this morning. CAM: Meaning the victim probably works here. BRENNAN: Meaning the killer does too. (Interior - Day - Autopsy room at the Jeffersonian. Brennan is looking at the computer screen while Cam examines the remains.) BRENNAN: Pubic bone is female. CAM: There's no carbon in the trachea. (Pulls out the trachea and unrolls it like a fruit rollup) She was dead before she was thrown down the chute. BRENNAN: Extensive fissures, fractures and breaks to the entire skeleton. I'll have Zack determine which were caused by heat and which by trauma. (Angela enters) ANGELA: Heads up, they called Bancroft in from a hearing on the hill. BRENNAN: Who's Bancroft again? CAM: God. ANGELA: The supreme honcho of the Jeffersonian. BRENNAN: I think I met him once. ANGELA: Okay, I am ready to start the facial reconstruction. (Brennan removes the skull from the rest of the remains and places it on a surgical tray) BRENNAN: I haven't put on tissue depth markers yet. CAM: I haven't finished removing all the carbonized brain matter. (Angela comes to a halt in front of the skull, and stares at it intensly, horrified) BRENNAN: Once you've done that, Zack can clean the skull. (As Angela stares at the skull it changes from burnt to a whole, healthy female face.) Angela? Angela? Angela? ANGELA: Yeah? CAM: Are you alright? BRENNAN: What's wrong? ANGELA: (Looking anxiously at the skull) Um . . . Uh . . I'm fine. I'll start after the tissue markers are . . . Let me know. (Angela exits.) CAM: What the hell was that about? ACT I (Interior - Day - Angela's office at the Jeffersonian. Angela is looking at an image of the skull on her computer. Brennan enters.) ANGELA: You won't like it. BRENNAN: Like what? ANGELA: I've ID'd the victim. BRENNAN: That's impossible. ANGELA: I told you you wouldn't like it. BRENNAN: There are no tissue markers, you can't just look at a skull and see the person. ANGELA: Sweetie, I've done hundreds of these reconstructions: the depressed labella, the narrow nasal aperture, the chipped lateral incisor. BRENNAN: You can see a face from that? ANGELA: The chipped tooth was from a skiing accident when she was sixteen. BRENNAN: Ange. You know the victim personally? ANGELA: (sighing and pulling up an image of an young, attractive blonde on the computer) Kristen Reardon. She's an intern, we had coffee a couple of times. (Walking over to the couch) She didn't want to be a scientist. She wanted to go into design. She was jut here to make her father happy. She was young and eager and keen and . . . she was just really, really young. BRENNAN: Wait, Reardon. (Walking to Angela) As in Dr. Ted Reardon? ANGELA: Yeah, he used to work here. (Sitting down on the couch) BRENNAN: I took a course from him in ancient pharmacology. (Sitting in the chair across from Angela) ANGELA: Look, I know that we can't say anything until you do the tissue markers and we go through channels, but, I'm telling you, I know this is Kristen. BRENNAN: Poor Ted. ANGELA: You wanna know something else? She was seeing somebody who worked here. BRENNAN: Is that relevant? ANGELA: Well, Booth will think so. Especially since it was a married man. BRENNAN: Well, did she tell you? ANGELA: No, just that they had had their first kiss at the opening of that Egyptian exhibit and that it had been hot and heavy ever since. BRENNAN: I'm sorry, Ange. ANGELA: No, I'm-I'm sorry. I'm just really freaked out by this one. BRENNAN: Because you know the victim. ANGELA: Well, and the killer! I mean, look around! Do you like thinking that somebody we see every day could've thrown Kristen down the incinerator? (Interior - Day - Platform above the Main Examination area at the Jeffersonian. Bancroft and Booth are standing across from each other, Booth leaning against the table.) BANCROFT: How can I aid your investigation? BOOTH: Well, Dr. Bancroft, I'd like print outs from the Jeffersonian's security detailing who was and was not in the building BANCROFT: Done. BOOTH: I'd also appreciate it if you'd tell your people to cooperate with the FBI. (Bancroft moves toward Booth) BANCROFT: Yes, of course, Agent Booth. I don't know if you've had much cause to work with scientists; difficult people, by nature, combative, skeptical, resistant. BOOTH: I've noticed. BANCROFT: Have you identified the victim yet? BOOTH: Unofficially? (Bancroft nods) An intern by the name of Kristen Reardon. BANCROFT: No relation to Ted Reardon? BOOTH: His daughter. Dr. Reardon left the Jeffersonian for George Town University? BANCROFT: In the interest of full disclosure I was instrumental in that move. BOOTH: You fired him. BANCROFT: I facilitated a necessary change. BOOTH: Necessary change. BANCROFT: Excellent scientist, poor administrator. Does Reardon know about his daughter? BOOTH: Dr. Brennan is informing him now. BANCROFT: I'd like to be kept in the loop on this, within the constraints of the law of course. (Raises his hand for Booth to shake it.) BOOTH: (chuckling, and shaking hands) Sure. (Interior - Day - Main examination area of the Jeffersonian. Cam and Booth are watching through the window as Brennan tells Reardon about his daughter.) CAM: Ted Reardon? Victims's father? BOOTH: Yep, Bones is telling him his daughter's dead. CAM: Rumor has it, Bancroft banished Reardon from the Jeffersonian because he felt threatened, politically. BOOTH: I know. Let's leave Bones to it. (They walk away) CAM: Would it be insensitive to mention that my father's sixtieth birthday is coming up? BOOTH: Sixty already? Wow! CAM: Uh-huh. We're having a big birthday dinner for him on Thursday night. BOOTH: Alright, you give him my best! CAM: You do it yourself. You have to come with me! BOOTH: What? No! Not your family. CAM: I can't spend the night defending the fact that I still live alone to my family. BOOTH: You never told them we broke up? CAM: You wanna' make a man miserable on his sixtieth birthday. BOOTH: You want me to pretend that I'm your boyfriend? CAM: Yes, between six-thirty and ten on Thursday. BOOTH: (Groaning) Camille, you're an adult. You can't live your life afraid of what your family thinks! CAM: Seeley, it's not going to be like this forever. One day he'll die! (Cam exits) (Interior - Day - Bone storage room. Booth is standing outside the door, talking to Brennan who is going inside) BOOTH: Tough going in there? BRENNAN: I've never had to tell someone his child is dead. I mean, I've been there when you did it, but, to actually . . . it's extremely unpleasant. BOOTH: Yeah. (Moving from the doorway into the room) Listen, did you get a change to, uh, ask him about his daughter's love life? BRENNAN: Yes, he said as far as he knew she wasn't seeing anyone. BOOTH: Kristen was lying to her father. KLIMKEW: (A slight man with glasses, Dr. Klimkew, enters) Dr. Brennan, is it true? Kristin Reardon is dead? BRENNAN: Evan, special agent Booth. He's in charge of the murder investigation. (To Booth) Dr. Evan Klimkew, Kristen Reardon's supervisor. KLIMKEW: Murder? Kristen was murdered? BOOTH: What does Kristen Reardon do? KLIMKEW: Authentications. Other museums and high end collectors use us to authenticate their acquisitions. BOOTH: That a big department? KLIMKEW: Three to five interns, all doctoral candidates, my assistant and myself. That's it. BOOTH: It's a competitive environment, right? KLIMKEW: Of course. You put a bunch of neurotic, Type-A overachievers together and you dangle a prize over their head. BRENNAN: Dr. Klimkew is referring to the Bates fellowship. KLIMKEW: The top intern receives seventy-five thousand dollars and a gold star on their resume. Kristen was the frontrunner. BRENNAN: I had heard that her heart wasn't in it. KLIMKEW: Didn't show in her work. God, this is terrible. Does her father know? BOOTH: Who was the main rival for the Bates money? KLIMKEW: Uh, that would be Neil Tyler. BOOTH: Neil Tyler. Where can I find him? KLIMKEW: We're authenticating the artifacts in you're serial killer vault. BOOTH: So, what does your wife think of these, uh, (pointing at Klimkew's wedding ring) you know, these late hours? KLIMKEW: (Puts his hands in his pockets) I'm separated. That's your answer. BOOTH: Seeing anyone now? KLIMKEW: Are you serious? BRENNAN: It's a murder investigation Evan. KLIMKEW: No, I'm not seeing anyone. BOOTH: Thank you, Dr. Klimkew. (Interior - Day - Serial killer vault ("Gormogon") at the Jeffersonian. Neil Tyler, young, African-American, is bent over an artifact with a magnifying glass. Booth and Brennan are standing and watching) TYLER: The spinner appears to be Masonic in origin: bloodstone, gold. What's interesting is, in the center, instead of the traditional "G" for God, there's a skull. BRENNAN: Gormogon iconography. TYLER: Strange, huh? BOOTH: Gormogon? Okay, what's that? BRENNAN: It's an eighteenth century . . . TYLER: It's an extinct group (standing) dedicated to eradicating the influence of the Free Masons and Illuminati in Europe in the eighteenth century. That could be the largest collection of Gormogon artifacts in the world. BOOTH: That's great. You and Kristen Reardon were here last night? TYLER: That's right. Kristen worked there. (Pointing to Kristen's desk) I signed out around midnight. Kristen stayed longer, like always. BOOTH: Okay, a little resentful, there? TYLER: I worked my way though state college. I've got a second job, which is why I had to leave early. Kristen went to an Ivy League School and her dad's got connections. Who do you think needed that Bates fellowship more? BOOTH: Well, the way I hear it, you're next in line for a big payday, pal. TYLER: I liked Kristen and she liked me. Check the logs, I wasn't here. (Brennan moves to examine Kristen's desk) BRENNAN: Do you know who Kristen was seeing? TYLER: You mean like romantically? No. Only that it was an older guy and she said I was gonna' be really surprised when I find out who it was. BOOTH: How about you? You married? TYLER: (Chuckles) I'm gay, Agent Booth. Excuse Me. (Tyler exits. Brennan picks up a bag from the desk) BOOTH: What do you got? BRENNAN: Kristen Reardon's bag. BOOTH: Ah, a cell phone . . . logs. (Booth looks through the recent calls) (Interior - Night - The walkways above the main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Booth and Brennan walking through) BRENNAN: The bag tells us that Kristen was leaving the museum when she met with her killer. BOOTH: Look at that, a lot of calls to the same number. Let's hope it's our cheating husband. BRENNAN: Kristen was authenticating exhibits from the Gormogon vault. BOOTH: Let's not go there. BRENNAN: If Gormogon killed her, then Gormogon is one of us, somebody who works at the Jeffersonian. BOOTH: You went there. BRENNAN: What? (Booth and Brennan come to a halt in front of a window) BOOTH: You went there and you gave him a nickname! (A body falls outside the window) That just happened, right? You saw that? (Brennan nods and they both run) (Exterior - Night - Outside of the Jeffersonian. A small security vehicle, sirens blaring approaches a group of security guards. Brennan and Booth hop out. They run towards the guards) BRENNAN: Who is it? BOOTH: Is he dead? (The guards are holding Zack and Hodgins, arms behind their backs) ZACK: Yes, but only because he was never alive. BOOTH: You gotta be kidding me. HODGINS: Look at this, the Gestapo's interfering with free inquiry. BOOTH: Guys, just let him go and if they try to escape, shoot 'em! What's with the dummy, dummies? ZACK: Not a dummy, it's an ersatz skeleton made from glass and reinforced nylon, which breaks exactly like human bone. HODGINS: We threw it from the top floor. BRENNAN: Explicate your process, please. ZACK: Using bone density tables, we duplicated Kristen's exact height and weight. BOOTH: For God's sake, why?! HODGINS: To prove that Kristen Reardon was dead before her skull fractured from falling down the incinerator shaft! BOOTH: We already know that! ZACK: We recreated her bone density and found that her skull would not have fractured the way it did from a fall less than twenty-five meters. BRENNAN: Oh! BOOTH: Oh, what?! English, please! BRENNA: That tells us the body was put in the trash chute on the top floor of our building. HODGINS: The office suites. It's always the suits, baby. BOOTH: Hey, I wear suits. HODGINS: Yes, yes you do. BOOTH: (To Guards) Alright, that's it, no shooting of the squints tonight, sorry. Alright, good work. (Dispersing the crowd of guards and onlookers) (To Brennan) Let's go Bones. (Booth and Brennan exit, Hodgins and Zack bump fists). (Interior - Night - Autopsy room at the Jeffersonian. Cam and Booth are looking at a screen showing the remains) CAM: Kristen Reardon was stabbed to death; aorta and left lung both punctured. BOOTH: Whoa. She bleed a lot? CAM: Through the wound, through her mouth, copious amounts. (Moving toward her desk, Booth following) CAM: Booth, everyone's coming around to the opinion that Kristen Reardon's death had something to do with the Gormogon vault. BOOTH: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. See we-we gotta squelch that one 'cause that will totally shift the focus of this investigation. CAM: You might've noticed but these people are tough to squelch. BOOTH: You know what, they're always telling us not to jump to conclusions. CAM: When they do it, it's called a "quantum leap." BOOTH: Jump, leap, tomato, "tomato", what's the difference? Look, um, does the name (pulling his note pad out of his jacket pocket) Aldridge mean anything to you? CAM: Rings a bell, yeah, why? BOOTH: 'Cause there was no blood near the incinerator chute on the top floor. CAM: The body could've been wrapped in plastic or transported in a tub (pulling a picture on the computer). There's a Dr. Kyle Aldrige heads up the middle east department, why? BOOTH: Hm, do they have offices in this building? CAM: Middle east department is in building S, but it joins up to this building by skyway, why? BOOTH: What floor does the skyway connect with? CAM: Top floor, and I'm gonna' ask why again and your gonna' tell me. BOOTH: Yeah, this guy Aldrige's number is all over Kristen's cell phone. Just hold on. (Pulling out his cell and making a call) Yeah, it's Booth, check out all the office in the adjoining building on the top floor and start with a Dr. K. Aldrige. (Flips the phone shut) Cam, this case . . . CAM: Yes, you still have to come to my father's birthday dinner. BOOTH: I didn't even bring that up, I'm just saying . . . CAM: Nice try. BOOTH: Nice try, what? CAM: Zip! (Making a zipping motion over her mouth) BOOTH: I didn't even . . . CAM: Tzz! (Interior - Night - Above the main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Booth and Dr. Kyle Aldrige are sitting at the table. Booth is looking at a picture of Aldrige in a magazine.) BOOTH: Ah, the good life. Dr. Kyle Aldrige. Mansion next to Teddy Kennedy on Dupont Circle. A sixty foot yacht and a vacation home in the Hamptons. Wow. I wish I'd paid more attention during science class. ALDRIGE: Intelligence is not a matter of will, Agent Booth. So it's not a character flaw to be less intelligent than someone else. BOOTH: Yeah, listen, I appreciate the pep talk. Listen, our first suspect would usually be your wife but since she's been in Venice for a month . . . Venice. So, how is it that somebody who makes eighty grand a year can lend Ted Kennedy his lawn mower and afford to send his wife off to Venice? ALDRIGE: My wife's family is very generous. BOOTH: How generous do you think they would be if they found out you were boinking an intern? ALDRIGE: They teach you that technique at Quantico? Spring vulgarities on the unspectign suspect and he will confess all? BOOTH: Are you confessing all? ALDRIGE: To the affair or to murder? (An FBI Agent enters) AGENT #1: Excuse me, Agent Booth, there's something your gonna' wanna see in Dr. Aldrige's work room. (Interior - Night - Dr. Aldrige's work room. Agents, Booth, Brennan and Aldrige stand around a spot on the floor) AGENT #1: Lights, please! (When the lights turn off the blue light Agent #1 is holding shows blood on the floor, he moves to shed light on a wheelbarrow that is in the room.) BRENNAN: Look at all that blood. That explains how the body was transported over to the incinerator shoot. (The light shines behind the wheelbarrow, exposing a path of blood leading to the desk) This must be where Kristen Reardon was actually murdered. BOOTH: Alright, put the lights on. (Booth pulls out his handcuffs) Dr. Aldrige I'd like to ask you a few questions about the murder of Kristen Reardon. We gonna' go willingly? ACT II (Interior - Day - Main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Hodgins is examining a sample, Angela looking at her clipboard, sitting on a stool and Zack working at the computer.) HODGINS: I never liked Kyle Aldrige. ZACK: He told me once that having a high I.Q. was no excuse not to bathe. ANGELA: I don't believe it. ZACK: No, those were his exact words, "no excuse not to bathe" (Cam enters) CAM: What do you got? (Zack raises his hand) ZACK: (moves to point to the damage on the skeleton which is standing up like a medical dummy) Consistent with the trauma to the left lung and aorta, C-7 vertebra and the fifth rib were both nicked at a sixty-seven degree angle suggesting a single point of entry. CAM: Through the back? (Zack nods) ANGELA: The serial killer eats human flesh, Kyle Aldrige is a vegetarian. HODGINS: So was Hitler! ZACK: We're calling him Gormogon now. HODGINS: Excellent name! And, historically accurate. CAM: People! You have to stop assuming that Gormogon was in any way involved in Kristen's death. ZACK: Why? It's somewhere between a possibility and a probability. ANGELA: Kyle Aldrige is not a cannibal. CAM: But he may have killed his girlfriend, do you see the difference? HODGINS: Mm. CAM: So, eyes on the evidence, okay? (Claps her hands twice) Go. HODGINS: (Angela moves off the stool and Hodgins moves over to the computer) Zack provided me with the fragments. ZACK: Retrieved from the fifth rib. HODGINS: Running it through the GC Mass Spec. CAM: What about the incinerator? HODGINS: I analyzed the ashes in the incinerator and found carbonized traces of cedrus libani. It's a species of cedar fir from Lebanon. ANGELA: The middle east is Aldrige's area of study. HODGINS: And the Mesopotamians used cedar as an odor neutralizer to mask the smell of burning flesh? CAM: Can you see Aldrich committing a crime of passion and using his knowledge to cover it up? ANGELA: I guess. He's kind of (begins making unrecognizable grunting sounds. Zack looks confused, Hodgins smiles). CAM: Exactly, how well do you know Aldrige? ANGELA: We had drinks. I don't sleep with married men. ZACK: You're married and you sleep with men beside your husband. What's the difference? (Hodgins, looking irritated, smacks Zack in the back of the head.) (Exterior - Day - FBI Headquarters.) (Interior - Day - FBI Headquarters. Booth and Brennan exit the elevator.) BRENNAN: Why do you want me to interrogate Aldrige? BOOTH: Because he thinks I'm stupid. BRENNAN: You're not! BOOTH: Thanks, Bones, I know. Listen, during the interrogation, always refer to the victim by her first name. BRENNAN: Well, you're the one that told me that personalizing the victim doesn't work with sociopathic serial killers. They lack all empathy. (Poking Booth) You told me that! BOOTH: We are not looking for gorgonzola today! BRENNAN: Gormogon. Gor-mo-gon. BOOTH: We're looking for someone who murdered one girl and tossed her down an incinerator chute. Entirely different kind of a guy, so, inside. (shooing her into the interrogation room) BRENNAN: Don't- tell me- Don't- (pointing and resisting) You are not bossing me (smacks his hand). Stop it. (enters room) (Interior - Day - Interrogation Room. Aldrige is sitting at the table, Brennan enters and sits. Dr. Reardon and Booth are behind the glass, watching). DR. REARDON: Kyle Aldrige seduced my daughter? BOOTH: That's what we hope to find out, doc. BRENNAN: It was definitely Kristen's blood on your work table. ALDRIGE: That proves only she was killed in my work room. Why am I talking to you? BRENNAN: What time did you leave the Jeffersonian that night? ALDRIGE: Shortly after eleven. (leaning forward) Dr. Brennan, surely I merit someone higher up the food chain than an FBI consultant. BRENNAN: Kyle, (leaning forward) I know you get everything you want by flaunting your superior intellect, but that won't work with me. ALDRIGE: Why is that? BRENNAN: Because I'm smarter than you are. So why don't we do the rational thing and cut to the chase. (leaning back) Where you having an affair with Kristen? ALDRIGE: I'm not willing to comment on that. BRENNAN: Again, I know you were. You first kissed at the opening of the Egyptian exhibit. (Dr. Reardon tears up) ALDRIGE: Obviously Kristen was indiscreet. (Booth looks at Dr. Reardon as he takes a breath, blinking) BRENNAN: If your wife knew about Kristen, she'd leave you, correct? And you'd no longer be rich. (leaning forward) See the FBI they call that a motive. They think you did this, Dr. Aldrige, and so far the evidence is on their side. Can you tell me anything that would suggest otherwise? ALDRIGE: Yes. But first I need to speak with a lawyer and make arrangements with a federal prosecutor. BRENNAN: Sounds like you wanna' cut a deal. ALDRIGE: I've told you what I need., so either have me arrested or let me make those arrangements. (Brennan looks and Booth, Booth looks at Dr. Reardon and Brennan leans back.) (Interior - Night - Main Examination Area at the Jeffersonian. Booth enters. Cam is talking to someone who walks away). BOOTH: Wow! You look great! I mean that objectively, not as your fake boyfriend. (puts his hand on her arm, they begin to walk) CAM: Thank you. BOOTH: Hey, got your dad a universal remote. (Cam laughs) Even bought the batteries. CAM: Oh, he'll never let us brake up. BOOTH: So, am I driving? CAM: No, my sister's picking us up but, of course, she's late. BOOTH: Okay, maybe she's late because there was traffic. CAM: Maybe she's late because there was a sale. BOOTH: Oh, great, it's gonna' be one of those nights. CAM: Hey, it's not me, she's the jealous competitive one. BOOTH: O-kay! CAM: You don't think so?! BOOTH: Look, I'm thinking that you're family. I'm an innocent bystander with a universal remote and batteries trying not to get hit by shrapnel. (They stop in front of the autopsy room. Cam's sister Felicia enters. She' s a young, beautiful African-American woman, in a trendy, black dress) FELICIA: Ready! Sorry, dad is in the car. (Air kisses Cam on booth sides) CAM: Okay, let me get my things. (exits to autopsy room) FELICIA: (sighs) There was traffic, not that she'd believe me. (takes out a compact and primps) BOOTH: No! Traffic, that's exactly what she said. (under his breath) This is gonna' be fun. FELICIA: Yeah, everyone talking about how perfect Cam's life is. BOOTH: No, Cam's life is not so perfect. You got a lot going for you. FELICIA: Yeah? (smiles and closes compact) BOOTH: Yeah. FELICIA: What's not so great? Are you and Cam . . . BOOTH: What? No, no, I should never had said anything FELICIA: Oh you poor baby! (kisses Booth hard on the mouth, running her hands through his hair) BOOTH: Felicia . . . FELICIA: You don't have to say anything, I'm here, that's all you need to know. (Booth looks shocked. Cam Enters). CAM: Okay! (Booth drops the remote. Felicia looks innocent. Booth picks up the remote) BOOTH: Let's go! Ye-Yeah, okay, you look great! Doesn't she look beautiful?! (Booth puts his arm around Cam and they all begin walking) She looks beautiful!! I am so lucky to have you as my girlfriend. CAM: Easy big guy, it's gonna' be a long night. BOOTH: (to himself) Tell me about it. (Exterior - Day - Jeffersonian) (Interior - Day - Main Examination area at the Jeffersonian. Angela and Hodgins are walking through. ANGELA: You know, Jack, you are actually a better candidate to be Gormogon than Kyle Aldrige. (they stop walking) HODGINS: Really? ANGELA: You're brilliant, paranoid about conspiracies, I say that lovingly, with limitless resources. HODGINS: I'm not Gormogon. I don't kill people and eat their faces. (Angela nods) I am not waging a secret war against anybody. (they kiss, Angela puts her hand on his shoulder) ANGELA: Great. Now, if I could only get the other thousand or so people who work here to convince me, maybe I could get to sleep tonight. HODGINS: Oh, I'll help you get to sleep tonight. (Angela laughs) ANGELA: What's in your file? (they enter Angela's office) HODGINS: GC Mass Spec analysis of the fragment we pulled from Kristen's rib. It's an eight hundred year old copper. ANGELA: Wait, wait, the weapon is an artifact? HODGINS: I thought we'd see if we can match any of the weapons in the Jeffersonian with the sample. (Angela sits at the computer) ANGELA: Well, there is one item. (Hodgins leans over her shoulder) An eight hundred year old copper spear tip. The authentication department checked it out two weeks ago to Dr. Kyle Aldrige in the middle eastern department. HODGINS: Checked it out from where? ANGELA: The Gormogon vault. (Interior - Day - Gormogon vault at the Jeffersonian. Hodgins, Brennan and Klimkew are standing around the artifact, Booth is seated at a stool in back.) BRENNAN: Tell us about this piece, Dr. Klimkew. KLIMKEW: (Hodgins lifts the spearhead) The spearhead is genuine, decorative. Probably brought back as a souvenir of the Crusades by a Templar Knight in twelve or thirteen hundred A.D. BRENNAN: Go ahead, Hodgins. KLIMKEW: (to Hodgins) What are you doing? (Hodgins applies a solution to a Q-tip and the Q-tip to the spear head) BOOTH: (standing) Did you see Kyle Aldrige the night that Kristen Reardon was murdered? KLIMKEW: Yes. (to Brennan) What is he doing with the spear head? HODGINS: It's phenolthalein. It won't affect the copper, but if blood is present it'll turn pink. BOOTH: So, what time did you see the doctor? KLIMKEW: Uh, eleven. In the parking lot. BRENNAN: Did you talk? KLIMKEW: Kyle Aldrige doesn't really talk to anyone beneath him, which is everyone. (Everyone is looking at the Q-tip which is still white.) HODGINS: It's not the weapon we're looking for. I'll put it back. (Hodgins exits left). BRENNAN: Did you know about Aldrige and Kristen? KLIMKEW: As a couple? Yes. BOOTH: Kristen told you? KLIMKEW: I caught them making out. Frankly, I've been surprised ever since that Aldrige didn't use his friendship with Bancroft to have me transferred to some dig in Darfur. HODGINS: (from left) Help!! (Everyone runs to left) I need some help back here!! BOOTH: What? HODGINS: Booth! Booth! BOOTH: Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. (Aldrige is hanging from the ceiling by a noose. Hodgins is trying to hold Aldrige up. Hodgins and Booth are grunting. Booth cuts Aldrige down. Everyone helps to lay him down on a nearby table.) KLIMKEW: I'll call an ambulance. BOOTH: We don't need an ambulance. He's already dead. (Booth and Brennan look over to the silver statue) [SCENE_BREAK] ACT III (Interior - Day - Autopsy Room at the Jeffersonian. Cam is standing over Aldrige's body. Brennan enters.) CAM: (dictating into wireless headset) That concludes the autopsy of Dr. Kyle Aldrige, written report to follow. BRENNAN: Booth saw Aldrige's widow. He sent her a suicide note by email apologizing for the affair with Kristen and confessing to the killing. CAM: Aldrige did not kill himself. The ligature, which was a silk cord from the vault, didn't break his hyoid. BRENNAN: What was the cause of death? CAM: I'm stumped; no significant trauma, no cardiac arrest, aneurysm or hematoma. Plus, I did a full tox screen, organics, inorganics, heavy metals and cardiac glycosides, all negatives. BRENNAN: Well, he was hung up in the vault. It all circles back to the vault. CAM: It all circles back to the authentications department who happen to be working in the vault. BRENNAN: Why don't you and Booth think that Gormogon is behind these murders? CAM: Because, as far as we know, he only kills males, and snacks on them. Plus, there are far too many other reasonable suspects. BRENNAN: Like who? CAM: The victim's father. BRENNAN: Ted Reardon? CAM: He saw you question Aldrige. Booth said he went pale with anger. BRENNAN: When did he say that? CAM: Oh, we had dinner the other night when we . . . had dinner. (Hodgins enters carrying a tray holding a rope.) HODGINS: This cord is actually a hanging rope from England circa sixteen-fifty. (sits down the tray and picks up the rope) In those days, when sentenced to death, nobles often chose a silk cord rather than rough hemp and rope. (looking at the rope which he dangles in this right hand) It'd be cool to know who else might've died on this cord. BRENNAN: If it came from the vault, the cord probably can't lead us to the murderer. HODGINS: Au contraire. The killer left DNA. In order to hoist Aldrige, the killer wrapped the cord around his forearm (Hodgins wraps the cord around his arm) and pulled. CAM: Ouch. He left some skin behind? HODGINS: Yeah, and hair. (puts the rope back on the tray) CAM: Nice job, Hodgins. We find the guy, we can do a DNA match. HODGINS: (backing out of the room, carrying the tray) King of the Lab. (exits) BRENNAN: (looking at the x-ray displayed on the screen behind them) The skeletal muscles are pulling away from the bone. What's his potassium level? CAM: Uh . . . (turning around to pick up a file folder from the counter) blood serum contains ten milligrams per one-hundred milliliters. Elevated but non-fatal. It's odd though, because his kidneys were healthy; no signs of Addisons or any medication. BRENNAN: Succinylcholine. CAM: A muscle relaxant? BRENNAN: In high doses it stops the heart and lungs. CAM: Right, the body turns succinylcholine into potassium, which occurs naturally in the body so it's not detected as a toxin. BRENNAN: Succinylcholine is one of the earliest anesthetics known to man. (smiling) Guess how I know that? CAM: (also smiling) I read Dr. Reardon's book too. (walking away) (Interior - Day - Hodgins desk in the main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Booth is playing with glass stir sticks looking down over Hodgins desk. Hodgins enters carrying the tray holding the rope.) HODGINS: Why are you here? BOOTH: I'm just waiting for Cam to finish cutting up Aldrige? HODGINS: She's done. Why are you here in my area? BOOTH: Cam's sister kissed me. HODGINS: Duuuuuuuuuuuude. (sits down) BOOTH: Don't call me dude. Alright, listen, I was supposed to be Cam's boyfriend, but only between the hours of six-thirty and ten. She kissed me at six-twenty so technically that doesn't even count. (Hodgins chuckles) Cam went to her office to get something. Felicia, she just grabbed me and planted one on me. I didn't even see it coming, I didn't even have a defense maneuver planned. HODGINS: Wow. Alright, alright, uh . . . How are you, (looking over his shoulder) how are you gonna' break it to Cam? BOOTH: What? Why would I do that? HODGINS: You want her to find out from her sister? BOOTH: Wow, this is worse than when we were a couple. HODGINS: (Hodgins chucles loudly) Sorry. (covers his mouth, giggling) BOOTH: I really should take my gun out and shoot you now. HODGINS: I'm sorry No, it's serious. (giggling) BOOTH: You're not helping. (Exterior - Day - FBI Headquarters) (Interior - Day - Interrogation Room at FBI Headquarters. Booth is sitting across from Dr. Reardon) BOOTH: Look, I have a son. If I thought someone hurt him, I'd wanna' hang him. DR. REARDON: I didn't kill Kyle Aldrige. BOOTH: He was a politically enemy who slept with your daughter, then killed her after she threatened to tell his wife. Juries understand situations like that. DR. REARDON: There's no proof Kyle Aldrige killed me daughter. BOOTH: Do you need proof? DR. REARDON: Yes, and for a jury to be sympathetic to me, they'd need proof as well. Do you have that proof, Agent Booth? BOOTH: (Opening a file folder and passing it across the table) Aldrige didn't die from hanging. DR. REARDON: (looking at the papers) Succinylcholine poisoning can't be proven. BOOTH: Right. Nobody know that better than you. (holding up Dr. Reardon's book, "Comparative Studies of Associative Functions in Anesthesiology and Poisons") You literally wrote the book on it, doc. (dropping the book on the table) So, can you role up your sleeves, please? (Dr. Reardon unbuttons and rolls up his sleeves. Dr. Reardon raises his arms; there are no marks.) (Interior - Day - Main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Cam and Hodgins are looking at a metal fragment on the computer screen) HODGINS: This is a sample of eight hundred year old bronze. CAM: Why am I interested in that? HODGINS: Because we found a fragment of eight hundred year old copper in Kristen Reardon. CAM: Different metals, right. HODGINS: Copper is an ingredient in bronze and when Angela accused me of being Gormogon, it started me thinking. CAM: Angela accused you of being Gormogon? HODGINS: It started me thinking that you and Booth could be right. (Cam looks at Hodgins intensely) I am NOT Gormogon. CAM: Booth and I could be right about what? HODGINS: I put the serial killer in the vault out of my mind and started considering Kristen's murder as it's own . . . singular . . . occurrence . . . What? CAM: From the outside you are a pretty good candidate to be Gormogon. HODGINS: It's possible . . . that the copper in Kristen's wound was an unalloyed chip from a larger piece of bronze, like a chocolate chip that didn't mix in the cake mix. CAM: And the Jeffersonian's full of bronze weapons. HODGINS: None of which are in Gormogon's vault. CAM: Are you able to match a bronze weapon to a copper fragment? HODGINS: Theoretically, but it would take about two hundred years to test every bronze weapon in the Jeffersonian. (Angela enters) ANGELA: I might be able to help with that. (Interior - Day - Angela's office at the Jeffersonian. Zack, Hodgins, Angela and Cam are standing around the Angelator which shows the skeletal structure of a female in green) ANGELA: I worked up a 3-D model of Kristen's murder and I noticed something. This is Kristen. (A red line intersects the figure from upper left to lower right) The angle of attack was exactly sixty-seven degrees. ZACK: As you can see, the weapon went right though her. ANGELA: Which is weird. HODGINS: Why? ZACK: We've been assuming that Kristen was stabbed. CAM: Someone would have to be awfully tall to stab downward at that angle. ANGELA: And incredibly strong; six foot eight and three hundred pounds. ZACK: No one at the Jeffersonian looks like that. CAM: It'd be pretty tough for someone like that to sneak in. HODGINS: Alternative explanations? ZACK: Projectile? CAM: Blood stain analysis indicates Kristen was killed on Aldrige's work table. ANGELA: And there's no evidence on the surface suggesting that a projectile exited Kristen's body and struck the table, but . . . (image falls backward onto red line which is at a sixty-seven degree angel a horizontal surface) HODGINS: Kristen was impaled? Like a piece of paper on a message spike. ANGELA: Visualize a sharp object on the table at a fixed sixty-seven degree angle.j ZACK: The object impales Kristen through the posterior thorax . . . CAM: exits her anterior thorax . . . ZACK: still at a sixty-seven degree angel. (Bancroft enters). BANCROFT: The only rational conclusion is the death itself was accidental. (Angela turns off the simulation) Dr. Aldrige gets in a tiff with his young girlfriend, she pulls out her phone, threatens to call his wife. They argue, Aldrige reaches for the phone, the girl falls back onto the table. ANGELA: If you call Aldrige by his name, you really should call the girl by her name. BANCROFT: At which point he panics and throws Ms. Reardon down the incinerator chute. Overcome with remorse, he arranges to meet with the federal attorney to confess, but before he can do that, guilt destroys him, he hangs himself in the vault symbolically aligning himself with the serial killer. CAM: Whoa, Dr. Bancroft, Dr. Aldrige arranged to meet the federal attorney? BANCROFT: Through the Jeffersonian in-house counsel. Most likely to confess. ANGELA: Why didn't he just confess during Dr. Brennan's interrogation? BANCROFT: "The guilt being great the fear doth still exceed. And extreme fear can neither fight nor fly, but coward-like with trembling terror die." ZACK: Unfortunately for Mr. Shakespeare, Dr. Aldrige didn't actually commit suicide. HODGINS: He died of succinylcholine poison. BANCROFT: It's my understanding that that can't be proven. At least not to court standards. I think you'll find my explanation will satisfy any inquest inquiry. CAM: Dr. Bancroft, it's our professional opinion here in the forensics lab, that Dr. Aldrige was murdered. BANCROFT: Fine. Prove it. But watch your backs. Because if I'm wrong and you're right that means that there's still a serial killer out there. And if I were the killer, you'd be next Ms. Montenegro. ANGELA: Why me? BANCROFT: Well, you identified the Reardon girl, you figured our this hologramatic impalement scenario. Be careful. (exits) ANGELA: I feel like I was just threatened. (Interior - Day - Main examination are at the Jeffersonian. Hodgins is standing in front of trays of different implements. Brennan is sitting on a stool behind him and to the right, Booth is looking at a spear behind and to the left.) HODGINS: I checked every bronze weapon in the Jeffersonian that matches Angela's criteria, none are consistent with the fragments removed from Kris- (Booth thrusts the spear towards Jack) - ten. BOOTH: (Puts down the spear) Well, obviously we're looking for a weapon that was smuggled in. (Hodgins and Brennan make doubtful sounds) What were those noises? BRENNAN: There is no way to smuggle an eight-hundred year old bronze weapon into the Jeffersonian. HODGINS: No, no. We have x-rays, guards, metal detectors . . . BRENNAN: You come in with anything bigger than a watch, they search you. BOOTH: You two are geniuses, how would you do it? HODGINS: It's absolutely impossible. BRENNAN: Unless you mail it. HODGINS: Oh. Yeah, right, there's that. BOOTH: What?! BRENNAN: If you mail something to the Jeffersonian, it doesn't need to be cleared by customs or security. BOOTH: Okay, you're saying that if I want to get a stolen artifact into the United States, all I have to do is mail it to the Jeffersonian. BRENNAN: Technically yes, but, the fact is we check and report all items to the government. BOOTH: Okay, who's we? HODGINS: (closing his eyes and dropping his head) The authentications department. BOOTH: Oh, okay, you mean a bunch of starving interns who work here during the summer. BRENNAN: (To Hodgins) Interns keep detailed records of every item they authenticate. Access Kristen Reardon's log. (Hodgins and Brennan move to the computer) HODGINS: I suppose Gormogon could've mailed himself to the Jeffersonian, stolen an I.D. and simply walked out. BOOTH: This has got nothing to do with Goobagon. BRENNAN: Gormogon! BOOTH: Whatever. How many times do I have to say that? HODGINS: I don't have the necessary clearance. BRENNAN: Let me try. (Hodgins moves from the computer and Brennan begins to type. Red screen pops up stating, "ACCESS DENIED - Please check your password and try again or contact the network administrator") Neither do I! HODGINS: (moving forward to the computer, pushing them aside) Excuse me. BRENNAN: Wait, you have a password? BOOTH: Yeah, Cam's. What she won't mind. (Hodgins chuckles, Brennan looks incredulous. Hodgins moves back to the computer) HODGINS: Well, Kristen Reardon worked on a lot of sixteenth century Baroque wood carvings. BOOTH: (taps Brennan on the shoulder) I know your password too. It's daffodil. BRENNAN: I never told you that! BOOTH: What? I got eyes. I mean you guys aren't exactly CIA material. HODGINS: Daffodil? BRENNAN: What? They're pretty. HODGINS: It looks like Kristen might've worked on some Luristan bronzes. BRENNAN: Any from the thirteenth century? (Hodgins pulls up a list, and pictures of artifacts) HODGINS: Yeah, tools, utensils, sculptures . . , BOOTH: What's Luristan? BRENNAN: Persia. BOOTH: You mean Iran or Iraq. Since the war Iraqi museums have been looted and their pieces are being sold on the black market. This murder has nothing to do with the vault. Or a serial killer. HODGINS: Kristen Reardon was a smuggler? BOOTH: More than likely killed by a smuggler. HODGINS: She goes to report something and the smuggler kills her. (Booth nods smugly) BRENNAN: I'll have Zack check all these as possible murder weapons. (to Booth) And I'm changing my password. (moves to the computer, using her hand to shield the screen.) BOOTH: Daisy? BRENNAN: How did you know? BOOTH: It's your second favorite flower. (Hodgins smiles) I know you Bones. Try a planet. (walks away, Brennan nods and begins to type. Booth walks a few steps and then snaps and turns around) Jupiter! (Hodgins laughs and turns away) (Interior - Day - Autopsy Room at the Jeffersonian. Cam is at the sink. Booth enters.) CAM: Hey! BOOTH: Hey. CAM: I owe you. BOOTH: No, you don't. CAM: I do. It took the pressure off. I even reconnected with Felicia. (walking to her desk, Booth following) BOOTH: She kissed me. CAM: What? BOOTH: I swear, I didn't see it coming, she just planted it on me. CAM: Like a peck on the cheek or a full meal? BOOTH: (thinking) Why does that even matter? CAM: Full meal. I don't believe it. BOOTH: What's the big deal? I mean, you and I aren't actually, you know, going out. CAM: She thought she stole you away from me, that's why she was so nice. You! BOOTH: What? CAM: You kissed back. BOOTH: No! No. No, there was no "kiss back." (Cam looks at Booth accusatorially) You know, my lips, they may have parted for a second . . . (Felicia enters) FELICIA: Hi, ready for lunch? BOOTH: Hi. CAM: (to Booth) Don't say hello to her. (to Felicia) How could you make a move on my boyfriend? FELICIA: (moving to stand next to Cam) He said things weren't so great between you guys. CAM: Didn't think you should ask me first? FELICIA: Sorry, didn't seem like he was all that into you! BOOTH: Time out, let's get real here okay? You are actually fighting over something that does not even exist. FELICIA: What? BOOTH: We don't go out anymore. We broke up a long time ago. FELICIA: And you brought him for Dad so he'd still think . . . CAM: You know how dad is - I'd never hear the end of it. You saw how he lit up when he got that remote! BOOTH: It can handle up to eight different devices . . . CAM: We know, Booth. FELICIA: Why didn't you tell me you guys split up? CAM: You want him, take him. I don't care. FELICIA: I don't want him. BOOTH: You don't? FELICIA: (To Cam) No, I was just trying to get back at you for being so perfect all the time. CAM: So you admit it! FELICIA: Like you're a saint. (to Booth) She used to go into my closet with all my dolls and say that they were having a party but I wasn't invited. CAM: You were five, and they did not like you. FELICIA: Typical, start a fight so we miss lunch. CAM: Oh, you made reservations? I'm surprised. I thought we'd have to eat from a cart in the street! BOOTH: Wow, you two can have lunch after all this? FELICIA: Please, like you can ruin a meal. (Felicia laughs, Cam smiles. BOOTH: Okay, that's it. (pointing at Felicia) I don't know who you think . . . CAM: Don't raise your voice to her, Seeley. (Felicia looks at Booth, appalled) (to Felicia) Let's go, let him calm down. BOOTH: What? CAM: (Felicia and Cam leaving. To Booth) Wow. FELICIA: Why did you guys break up? What did he do? BOOTH: It wasn't me! I . . . (Interior - Day - Zack's office at the Jeffersonian. Zack is sitting at the computer, Brennan behind him. A statue of an a horned animal is on the screen) ZACK: This is the most likely murder weapon. BRENNAN: It's an antelope. ZACK: Actually, it's an Oryx. BRENNAN: That's a type of antelope. ZACK: I was being precise. You used to appreciate that. (the computer calculates the angle from the table to the horn's position) BRENNAN: Sixty-seven degrees. ZACK: Exactly. Oryx on table, struggle, Kristen Reardon is impaled on the Oryx. BRENNAN: (patting him on the shoulder) Good work, Zack! Let's swab the sculpture, see if there's any DNA evidence. ZACK: It's not here. (Interior - Day - Walkway above the main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Cam and Bancroft are walking towards the lounge.) BANCROFT: What do you mean, it's not here anymore? CAM: According to Jeffersonian records, the Oryx was mailed to Box 99, Poplar Street Post Office in Arlington. BANCROFT: The Jeffersonian is being used to smuggle Iraqi artifacts? Has the FBI been informed about this? CAM: Yes, Dr. Bancroft, Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan are trying to arrange to have the post office staked out by tomorrow. BANCROFT: Good, good, that's (winks and gives her a thumbs up) that's good. (exits) CAM: (dials her phone) It's Cam. (Exterior - Day - Booth and Brennan in Booth's SUV parked on the street across from the ) I told him. You were right, he wasn't happy when I said the FBI already knew. BOOTH: Thanks, Cam. Now we'll see if he's a part of it or just another ass covering buracrate. CAM: Good hunting. (clicks her phone closed) BOOTH: Little game there, Bones - who shows up for the Iraqi Bambi? BRENNAN: There are a number of possible candidates. BOOTH: Come on, I mean, it's a stake out. Play with me. Speculate. My money's on Bancroft. BRENNAN: The head of the Jeffersonian? Why? BOOTH: He's a doughy. BRENNAN: (scoffs) You think he's a murderer just because you don't like him? BOOTH: Bones, it's a game. BRENNAN: Well, there's no way it's Bancroft, he has a doctorate. BOOTH: Dr. Kevorkian has a doctorate. (A yellow cab pulls up in front of the post office, Klimkew gets out ) Oh. So does that guy. BRENNAN: Dr. Klimkew. (Interior - Day - Interrogation Room at FBI Headguarters. Klimkew is sitting at the table, where the Oryx statue sits. Booth and Brennan sit opposite each other at the table) KLIMKEW: During a murder investigation, you uncovered my smuggling operation? BOOTH: Yep. KLIMKEW: Man that is bad, bad luck. BRENNAN: (leaning forward) What about the murders, Evan? KLIMKEW: Kristen Reardon and Kyle Aldrige? No, I'm afraid that their deaths are on your hands. BOOTH: How do you figure? KLIMKEW: Well, this silver skeleton Gormogon serial killer's obviously involved. (To Brennan) You brought him into our house. No, I can only take responsibility for smuggling this Oryx (puts his hand on the statue) into the country. BOOTH: Get your hands off the murder weapon. (Klimkew moves his hand, looking questioningly at Booth and Brennan) BRENNAN: (to Klimkew) We know what happened. KLIMKEW: (looking from Brennan to Booth) I was there. But it wasn't me who pushed Kristen onto that table, it- it was Aldrige. BOOTH: Now, why would he do that? KLIMKEW: Uh, love gone wrong, I don't know, but Aldrige said (Booth moves to stand behind Klimkew) that if I didn't help him dispose of the body he'd expose my smuggling deal and I would go to prison. BOOTH: Well, I guess that's it then, huh Bones? Case closed. (claps his hand on Aldrige's shoulder) BRENNAN: Right, well, except . . . somebody killed Kyle Aldrige. KLIMKEW: No, he hanged himself. (Booth grabs his arm and pulls it up and back) Ow . . . (Booth pulls down his shift sleeve exposing red burns) BOOTH: Rope burns. Look at that. We think you killed Kristen Reardon, probably by accident . . . BRENNAN: We know you killed Kyle Adlrige. BOOTH: Premeditated. BRENNAN: And I'm confident we can prove it beyond reasonable doubt to a jury. (Booth slams down Klimkew's hand) It's over, Evan. (Booth slaps his shoulder as he walks back to his chair) KLIMKEW: Do either of you know a good lawyer? (Interior - Night - Booth's Office at FBI Headquarters. Booth and Brennan are sitting across from each other in recliners at a small table. Booth is pouring shots into paper cups) BOOTH: Okay, don't take it so hard. BRENNAN: I'm not taking anything hard. (Booth raises his cup in a toast) What are we, Russian? BOOTH: Nostrovia. Yeah. (they take the shots, sit down the cups, and crush them) I'll tell you what else I know. What you're taking hard is, uh, the fact that it happened in your house. BRENNAN: It's not my house! BOOTH: Not where you sleep! Okay, you're favorite place, the house of reason, the Jeffersonian. BRENNAN: No. It's not my favorite place. BOOTH: Yes, it is. BRENNAN: What, no it's not- how do you know? BOOTH: Daffodil. Daisy. Jupiter. (pours another shot into two new cups) Okay, I'll tell you what else I know, (lifts his cup in a toast) you were hoping that it was gorgonzola. (they take the shots) BRENNAN: Gormogon. BOOTH: Ah! So you admit it! BRENNAN: Accidentally! Does- does that count? BOOTH: Yes. Look, all the scientists and the squints and the eggheads, they wanted it to be a serial killer so it wouldn't be one of them. BRENNAN: Them? BOOTH: You. BRENNAN: Me? BOOTH: One of you. You were all offended that it was one of you. BRENNAN: You know what? I am offended. BOOTH: I just said that. (pours another shot) BRENNAN: I'm offended! Because . . . BOOTH: Because you were betrayed by one of your own. BRENNAN: Yes. Are you going to betray me? BOOTH: No. (they toast) BRENNAN: Nonetheless, I shall be vigilant. (they take the shots) BOOTH: "Nonetheless"? (they laugh) BRENNAN: I'm not gonna' have a headache tomorrow, am I? BOOTH: Well, we're gonna' find out. Hodgins and Jack, they do their experiments. We do ours. (they toast) To Gorgonzola. BRENNAN: Gormogon. (they take the shots, sit the cups down and before Brennan can crush hers, it falls of the table) BOOTH: You missed. (laughs)
doc_259	Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. The cemetery. Buffy is sitting on top of the gravestone of Stephan Korshak playing with her yo-yo. Buffy: C'mon, Stephan, rise and shine. Some of us have a ton of trig homework waiting. The camera cuts to her right and approaches her from behind. Angel: Hey. Buffy inhales a quick startled breath and turns around to face her stalker. Angel: Is this a bad time? Buffy: Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or... yodel. Angel: I heard you were on the hunt. Buffy: I'm supposed to be, but... lazy bones here doesn't wanna come out and play. Angel: When you first wake up it's a little disorienting. He'll show. Buffy: It's weird to think of you going through that. Angel: It's weird to go through. So, uh, you're here alone? Buffy: Yeah! Why? Angel: I just thought you'd have somebody with you. Xander or someone. Buffy: Xander. Angel: Or someone. Buffy: Nope. (hops down off the gravestone) Why? Are you jealous? Angel: (chuckles) Of Xander? Please. He's just a kid. Buffy: Is it 'cause I danced with him? Angel: 'Danced with' is a pretty loose term. 'Mated with' might be a little closer. Buffy: Don't you think you're being a little unfair? It was one little dance, which I only did to make you crazy, by the way. Behold my success. Angel: I am not jealous. Buffy: You're not jealous? What, vampires don't get jealous? Stephan has come out of the ground, and looks at them from behind his gravestone. Angel: See? Whenever we fight you always bring up the vampire thing. Buffy: Well, I didn't come here to fight. The vampire lunges at her and knocks her into Angel. They fall to the ground, but Buffy quickly gets up. Buffy: Oh, right, I did. Stephan throws a few punches which Buffy easily blocks. She punches him in the face several times and kicks him in the jaw, sending him stumbling into a large adjacent gravestone. She looks around frantically. Buffy: Where's my stake? I-I know I had a stake! Angel: I didn't see a stake! The vampire grabs a shovel that was lying by the other gravestone and comes at them again. Angel attacks, but Stephan brings the shovel up and hits him in the side of the face, knocking him onto his back. He leaves Angel lying there and steps toward Buffy. She meets him and jumps over the shovel when Stephan swings it at her legs. He swings it at her again, but she catches it, hits him again and breaks the handle. She spins around with her half and jams the broken handle into his chest. He falls over backward and bursts into ashes as he hits the ground. Angel gets up holding the side of his head. Buffy: (out of breath) What do you mean he's just a kid? Does that mean I'm just a kid, too? Angel: Look, obviously I made a mistake coming here tonight. (turns and leaves) Buffy: Oh, no you don't. You can't just turn and walk away from me like that. (starts following him determinedly) It takes more than that to get rid of me. She falls into an open grave with an open and empty coffin at the bottom. Buffy: Oof! Uhhh... Angel comes over and bends down to look. Angel: You okay? Buffy: I'm fine. (sits up and exhales) Gee, I wish people wouldn't leave open graves laying around like this. (stands up slowly) Angel: So. Another vampire has risen tonight. She pokes her head out of the grave and looks across the grass. Buffy: I don't think so. Look at those tracks. Whoever was buried here didn't rise from this grave. She climbs out of the grave and finds a girl's shoe. Buffy: She was dragged from it. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High School. Cut to the library. Buffy and Xander walk in and see Giles sitting in a chair and talking to another empty chair across from him. Giles: (clears his throat) W-w-w-what I'm proposing is, um... and I-I don't mean to appear indecorous, is, is, um, a, a-a-a social engagement, um, a, a, a, a-a date, if you're amenable. Buffy and Xander stop and listen to him. Giles is displeased with himself. Giles: You idiot! Buffy: Boy... Giles is startled and quickly gets up and faces them. Buffy: I guess we never realized how much you like that chair. Giles: I-I-I was just working on... (knocks over a few books) Buffy: Your pickup lines? Giles: (bends down) Um, in a manner of speaking, yes. (picks up the books) Buffy: Then if you wouldn't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might wanna leave off the 'idiot' part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood. Xander: Hmm, it actually kinda turns me on. (looks at Buffy) Buffy: (to Xander) I fear you. (goes to the table) You also might wanna avoid words like 'amenable' and 'indecorous', y'know. Speak English, not whatever they speak in, um... Giles: England? Buffy: Yeah. You just say, 'Hey, I got a thing, you maybe have a thing, maybe we could have a thing.' Giles: (sarcastically) Oh, thank you, Cyrano. Buffy: I'm not finished. Then you say, 'How do you feel about Mexican?' Giles: About Mexicans? Buffy: Mexican. Food. You take her for food, for which you then pay. (sits at the table) Giles: Oh. Right. Xander: So this chair-woman. We are talking Ms. Calendar, right? Giles: W-what makes you think that? Xander: (sits) Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows that you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her. Buffy: And she's the only woman we've actually ever seen speak to you. Add it all up and it all spells 'duh'. Xander: Now, is it time to have a talk about the facts of life? Giles: You know, I'm suddenly deciding this is none of your business. (starts up the stairs) Xander: Y'know, because that whole stork thing is a smoke screen. Giles stops and looks back at him. Buffy laughs to herself. Giles: So, um, how did things go last night? Did Mr. Korshak show up on schedule? Buffy: More or less. Angel and I took care of him. Xander: Angel. Buffy: (gives Xander a look) There's something else, though. We found an empty grave. Giles: Another vampire? Buffy: No. No, this one was dug up and the body was taken out. Giles: Grave robbing? That's new. Interesting. (comes back down to the table) Buffy: I know you meant to say gross and disturbing. Giles: Yes, yes, yes of course. Uh, terrible thing. Must, must put a stop to it. Damn it. Xander: So. Why does someone want to dig up graves? Giles: Well, I'll, uh, collect some theories. Uh, it would help if we knew who the body belonged to. Buffy: Meredith Todd. Ring a bell? Xander: No. Buffy: She died recently. She was our age. Xander: Drawin' a blank. Giles: Why don't we ask Willow to, uh, fire (indicates the PC) this thing up and, uh, track Meredith down? Cut to the halls. Sign-ups for the science fair are going on. Willow is writing in her entry. Eric comes up to her with a camera and points it at her. Eric: Smile! (takes her picture) Willow: Hey! He turns around and sees another girl. Eric: Oh, look at those legs! (goes to take her picture) Willow: No, thank you. Chris comes up behind Willow. Chris: Eric, will you knock it off? Eric looks at him, upset to have his fun spoiled. Willow: (smiles) Hey, Chris! Chris: Hey. He picks up a sign-up sheet. She watches what he's writing. He looks up at her. Willow: Oh, I, I was just wondering what you were gonna do this year. Chris: Why? Willow: 'Cause every year you win and I place second, so I just thought I'd see what I'm up against. Chris: You know what the key is? If Dr. Clark doesn't understand your experiment he gives you higher marks so it looks like he understands your experiment. (reads Willow's entry) 'The Effects of Sub-Violet Light Spectrum Deprivation on the Development of Fruit Flies'? (smirks) That should do the trick. Cordelia: (shows up and signs up) Okay, I'm doing this under protest. It is not fair that they're making participation in this year's science fair mandatory. I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to. Willow: (reads) 'The Tomato: Fruit or Vegetable'? Cordelia: I wanted to do something I could finish in a weekend, alright? Eric flashes a picture of Cordelia. Cordelia: Stop it! What are you doing? (Eric takes another picture) We are under florescent light, for God's sake. Eric: The camera loves you! Cordelia: I didn't think yearbook nerds came out of hibernation till spring. Eric: (snaps another picture) It's for my private collection. (winks) Chris: Eric! Will you quit it? Buffy: Comin' through. Sorry. (Eric takes her picture) Uh, sorry to interrupt, Willow, but it's the Bat Signal. Willow: Okay, sure. See you later, Chris. Thanks for the tip. Chris: Okay. Cordelia watches them go. Eric raises his eyebrows at her. Cordelia: (disgusted) Uhhh! (leaves) Eric: Cordelia's so fine. Y'know, she'd be just perfect for us. Chris: Don't be an idiot. She's alive. Cut to the library. Willow sits down in front of the PC. Willow: This shouldn't take long. I'm probably the only girl in school who has the coroner's office bookmarked as a favorite place. Cordelia: (coming in) Hi. Sorry to interrupt your little undead playgroup, but I need to ask Willow if she'll help me with my science fair project. Willow: It's a fruit. Cordelia: I would've asked Chris to help me, but then that would've brought back too many memories of Daryl. Willow: I found it! Meredith Todd died in a car accident last week. Cordelia: Of course I have learned to deal with my pain. Buffy: How was her neck? Willow: Fine, except for being broken. Giles comes out of his office. Cordelia: Hello! Can we deal with my pain, please? Giles: There, there. He pats her on the shoulder and continues up into the stacks. Willow: It says that Meredith and two other girls in the car were killed instantly. They were all on the Fondren High Pep Squad, on the way to a game. Buffy: You know what this means. Xander: That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body count competition this year? Buffy: She wasn't killed by vampires. Somebody did dig up her corpse. Cordelia: Eww! Why is it that every conversation you people have has the word 'corpse' in it? Xander: Okay, so we got a body snatcher. What does that mean? Giles: Uh, h-here's what I've come up with. Demons who eat the flesh of the dead to absorb their souls. Or, i-i-it could obviously be a, a voodoo practitioner. Willow: You mean making a zombie? Giles: Uh, zombies, more likely. For most traditional purposes a voodoo priest would require more than one. Buffy: So, we should see if the other girls from the accident are AWOL, too. Maybe we can figure out what this creep has in mind if we know whether or not he's dealing in volume. Xander: So, we dig up some graves tonight? Willow: Oh, boy! A field trip! Are you gonna call Angel? Buffy: I don't think so. Xander: Yeah, why bother him, huh? Buffy: Angel and I have been, um... Never mind. As far as Angel's concerned, I'm taking the night off, okay? Xander: So, we're set then. Say, nineish? BYO shovel? Willow: And I'll pack some food. Who else likes those little powdered doughnuts? Xander: Me. Willow: Cordelia? Cordelia: Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew we were gonna be digging up dead people sooner. I would've canceled. Xander: Alright, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh? Cordelia huffs and leaves the library. Giles: Xander? Xander: Huh? Giles: Zombies don't eat the flesh of the living. Xander: Yeah, I knew that. But did you see the look on her face? Cut to the cemetery that night. Giles and Xander are digging while Buffy and Willow relax and watch. Buffy: I couldn't believe Angel. He was acting all jealous, and he wouldn't even admit it. Willow: Jealous of what? Buffy: Of Xander. Willow: Because you did that sexy dance with him? Buffy: Am I ever gonna live that down? Willow: No. (munches a doughnut) Buffy: Anyway, he was being totally irrational. Willow: Love makes you do the wacky. Buffy: That's the truth. Xander: Y'know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too. Giles: Here, here. Buffy: Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies. (to Willow) So, speaking of the wacky, what was Cordelia's whole riff about painful memories? Who's Daryl? Willow: Daryl Epps. Chris' older brother. He was a big football star. All-State two years ago. He was a running... He was a running... Uh, someone who runs and catches. Buffy: Was he a studly? Willow: Big time. All of the girls were crazy for him. Buffy: And he broke Cordy's heart? Thus possibly proving its existence. Willow: He died. Rock climbing or something? He fell. Buffy: Man, that's lousy. Poor Chris. Willow: Ever since then Chris has been real quiet. Kind of in his own world. I heard their mother doesn't even leave the house anymore. Giles: I think we're there. Buffy and Willow get up and go over to the grave. Willow: By the way, are we hoping to find a body, or no body? Xander: Call me an optimist, but I'm hoping to find a fortune in gold doubloons. Giles: Um, body would mean flesh-eating demon, no body would point towards the, uh, army of zombies thing. Take your pick, really. Right, then, uh... (to Xander) Go on. (indicates the casket) Xander: You're closer. Buffy: Pathetic much? (climbs down) Move over. She opens the casket. Cut to the school after cheerleading practice. The cheerleaders are heading home. Cordelia: Guys, if we don't get this down by tomorrow, no one's gonna be led by our cheers. Practice. Girl: Okay. See ya later. Cordelia continues on to her own car as the others get in theirs. They drive off before Cordelia reaches her car. She hears something by the fence and stops to look around. Cordelia: Hello? She continues to her car and starts to dig in her pack for her keys. She gets them out and runs the rest of the way to her car. She nervously fumbles with the lock. Cordelia: Xander Harris, if this is some kind of joke... She drops her keys and they roll under the car. She kneels down and reaches for them frantically. On the other side of her car she can see someone in black shoes approaching. She quickly gets up and starts to run. The man follows her. He walks past a dumpster. When he's gone the lid opens, and Cordelia checks to see if the coast is clear. She pushes the lid up all the way, then turns around again to hop out, but is startled by Angel. Angel: Cordelia. This is the last place I expected you to hang out. Cordelia: (quietly) Oh, God! God, it's you. Why were you following me? Angel: I wasn't sure it was you at first. I'm looking for Buffy. Cordelia: Buffy? Well, she's, uh... big shock, she's at the graveyard. Angel: She said she'd be home. Cordelia: Well, she lied. Isn't she a rascal? Well, you're in luck. It just so happens that my night is free. (tries to get out) Uh, hold on, my skirt is caught. She reaches behind her and gets her skirt loose. Cordelia: There. She picks up what was holding her skirt and sees it's a hand. She drops it and screams. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Xander can be heard outside in the hall. Xander: So, both coffins are empty. That makes three girls signed up for the army of zombies. They come in through the doors. Willow: Is it an army if you just have three? Angel gets up from the table and faces them. Cordelia clings to his arm and gets up, too. Buffy: Zombie drill team then. Angel: You're back. Buffy: Angel! Angel: Xander. Xander: Angel. Angel: (to Buffy) I thought you were takin' the night off. Buffy: I, I was, um, but something came up. Angel: Cordelia told me the truth. Xander: (chuckles) That's gotta be a first. Giles: Um, as long as you're here, perhaps you could be of some help. Hmm? (to Buffy) Hmm? Buffy: We were investigating. Somebody's been digging up the bodies of dead girls. Angel: I know. We found some of them. Buffy: You mean, like, two of the three? Angel: I mean, like, some of them. Like parts. Cordelia: It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm. God, there were so many parts, they were everywhere. Why are these terrible things always happening to me? Xander: Karma! (coughs to cover it) Willow: So much for our zombie theory. Giles: So much for all our theories. Buffy: I don't get it. Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls only to chop them up and throw them away? It doesn't make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint. Angel: Well, what I saw didn't add up to three whole girls. I think they kept some parts. Buffy: Could this get yuckier? Willow: They probably kept the other parts to eat. Buffy: Question answered. Giles: Why dispose of the remains five miles from the cemetery at a school, of all places? Buffy: Maybe because whoever did it had some business in the neighborhood. Like, say, classes? Giles: Oh. Ah. Angel: This was no hatchet job. Whoever made those incisions really knew what they were doing. Giles: (disbelieving) Yes, really. What student here is gonna be that well versed in physiology? Willow: Well, I can think of five or six guys in the science club. And me. Xander: So, Will, come clean. Promise to never do it again, and we'll call it a night. (no response) He joked! (smiles) Buffy: Willow, why don't you get these guys' locker numbers so we can do some checking? Cordelia: No. I have to go home now. I have to take a bath and burn my clothes. Xander: (in mock disappointment) You have to go? Aw, too bad. Keep in touch. Buh-bye. Cordelia: I don't wanna go alone. I'm still fragile. (to Angel) Can you take me? Angel is in open-mouthed shock, and looks at Buffy. She gives him a stare of disapproval. Cordelia: Great! I'll drive? She leads the way out of the library as Angel gives Buffy another helpless look. Xander: How about that? I always pegged him as a one-woman vampire. Cut to Chris' house. His mother is sitting in front of the TV watching videos of Daryl's games. His trophy sits on top of the TV. Chris comes out of the basement. Chris: I'm going out, Mom. She doesn't even look up. She just blows out another lungful of cigarette smoke. Chris walks over to the front door. Chris: I'll be back later, okay? Mom? Still no response. She takes another drag from her cigarette. Chris lets out a sigh of frustration and leaves the house. On the video Daryl just scored a touchdown, and the team is holding him up high as the cheerleaders jump and wave their pompoms. Video: Dar-yl! Dar-yl! Dar-yl! Dar-yl! Dar-yl! Daryl takes his helmet off and holds his fists up in the air, laughing and enjoying the moment. Cut to the halls at school. Xander is working a locker combination from a list. Giles comes down the other hall. Giles: You understand, in my capacity as school official, this search is completely unauthorized, and I, I cannot condone it. Buffy: Fine, your butt's covered. Wanna grab a locker? (hands him a sheet) Giles: Uh, yes, yes, of course. (takes the sheet) Buffy: (approaches a locker) Okay, Eric. Let's see what's on your annoying little mind. Willow: (at another locker) Nothing in here but back issues of Scientific American. Ooo, I haven't read this one! (starts to read) Giles: Nothing remarkable here. Xander: (opens one) Guys! They all go over to see. Xander: Your friend Chris Epps' locker. Willow: (reads off book titles) 'Grey's Anatomy', 'Mortician's Desk Reference', 'Robicheaux's Guide to Muscles and Tendons'. Giles reaches in and pulls out a newspaper folded open to a picture of the three cheerleaders. The title above the picture reads 'Tragic Accident Kills Three'. Giles: I think it's fair to say Chris is involved. Xander: He's into corpses alright, but we still don't know why. Buffy: Yes, we do. She opens Eric's locker door and shows them a collage of a woman made from parts of various pictures. Cut to Chris' basement. Eric sings while Chris works on a body. Eric: I guess you'll say / What can make me feel this way? / My girl / Talkin' 'bout my girl / My girl... How's my baby? Chris: She's not your baby. Eric: She's not gonna be anybody's baby if we don't finish her soon. Chris: I'm working on it. Eric: So am I, friend. So am I. He hangs up freshly developed pictures of Buffy, Willow and Cordelia to dry. Cut to the balcony. Buffy comes up to Willow and Xander sitting on the railing. Xander: Any sign of our suspects? Buffy: Not yet. I don't get it. Why would anybody wanna make a girl? Xander: You mean when there's so many pre-made ones just laying around? The things we do for love. Buffy: Love has nothing to do with this. Xander: Maybe not, but I'll tell you this: people don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. Willow gives Buffy a sad, knowing look. Xander: People want the dream. What they can't have. Willow looks over at Xander longingly. Buffy understands only too well. Xander: The more unattainable, the more attractive. Willow hops down from her perch. Willow: And for Eric the unattainable would include everyone. That's alive. She walks around Xander to head down the stairs. Buffy joins her. Buffy: Uh, Eric's sick enough to do something like this, but what about Chris? He seems like a human person. Xander follows them. Willow: I dunno. That thing with his brother was really hard on him. And he talked about death a lot. Maybe he just wanted to get one-up on it. Buffy: But it's not doable. I mean, making someone from scraps, actually making them live. Willow: If it is, my science project's definitely coming in second this year. Xander: (spots Giles) And speaking of love... Willow: We were talking about the re-animation of dead tissue. Xander: Do I deconstruct your segues? Buffy: (to Giles) Hey. Giles: (distracted) Oh! Yes. Hello. Buffy: Still no sign of our mad doctors? Giles: What? Oh! Uh, corpses, yes. Evil. Huh. Very good. They see Jenny stop and talk to a student. Jenny: Did you bring it? (the student shakes his head) Tomorrow. Student: I forgot it. Giles: Very, very good. Buffy: Okay, Giles, just remember, 'I feel a thing, you feel a thing...' But personalize it. Giles: Personalize it? Buffy: She's a technopagan, right? Ask her to bless your laptop. (starts to leave) Have fun. Willow and Xander smile. Willow pats him on the shoulder and goes too. Giles: What? Oh! Don't... Xander: Best of luck. (follows the girls) Giles: ...leave? Jenny: (walks by) Good morning, Rupert. (continues without stopping) Giles: Uh, Ms. Calendar? Jenny: (looks at him but keeps going) Oh, no, please call me Jenny. Ms. Calendar's my father. Giles: (follows) Jenny, then. Cut inside the halls. They walk together. Giles: You know, uh, Jenny, um... Jenny: Hmm? Giles: Would it a-appear indecorous... Uh, no, not in-in-indecorous, um... Jenny: Yeah...? Giles: Well, um... Wha... (exhales) Ah, ah, um... Jenny: Rupert, look, I've gotta get inside and set up the lab. Giles: What, what I'm proposing is... The bell rings. Jenny: Ah! I gotta go! Sorry! (goes into her room) Giles: (to himself) You idiot! Jenny: (sticks her head back out) Hey! Listen, if it's important, why don't you just tell me at the game? Giles: Game? Oh, uh, you're going to the football game? Jenny: Yeah, you seem surprised. (smiles) Giles: No! No, I-I-I-I-I-I just assumed that you, you, you spent your evenings downloading incantations and, and, and casting bones. Jenny: On game night? Are you nuts? You're going, too, right? Giles: Oh, of course. Always, always do. Jenny: So, we should just go together! Look, I could pick you up after school, and we'll grab a bite to eat on the way if you like. How do you feel about Mexican? Giles nods. Jenny: Good! Okay! And whatever it is you wanna tell me, you can just tell me then. Okay? Giles: Okay! Tonight, then. Jenny smiles and goes back into her classroom. Giles: (to himself) That went well. I think. Cut to the science classroom. Willow is looking through a book. Willow: I still don't get how Chris could do it. I mean, arresting the cell deterioration is one thing, but... Xander: Hello! (holds up a visible head) I wanna get ahead. Willow: (exhales) Maybe an electrical current combined with an adrenaline boost. Xander: For the love of God, can somebody scratch my nose? Buffy: (comes into the room) Well, it's official. Chris and Eric didn't come to school today. Xander: That's no coincidence. Willow: Maybe they finished their project. Buffy: God! What if it worked? What, what if that poor girl is walking around? Xander: Poor girls, technically. Buffy: What could she be thinking? Willow: And what are they gonna do with her? Giles: (comes in also) I don't think we need to worry about that just yet. I spoke to a press person this morning about the remains. The police have finished sorting through them, and apparently they found three heads in the dumpster. Buffy: They only had three girls. Giles: Precisely. Willow: So, they don't have the whole, uh, package? Xander: Heads must be no good. Huh. I found 'em attractive enough. (gets looks from the girls) Well, obviously I'm not as sick as Chris and Eric. Giles: Based on what the police have put together, I would say they're one step short of completing their masterpiece. Willow: One step. The camera pans around the visible head. Cut to Chris' basement. Eric: We're running out of time. If we wait too long, the onset of atrophy in the limbs will be irreversible. Chris: We can turn up the current. That'll buy us a day, at least. Eric: We will lose the entire body if we don't attach a head soon. Chris: We have time. Eric: We don't! The crash with the girls was lucky. But we can't just keep waiting around for another lucky accident to drop a head in our laps. You know what we have to do. Hell, it's just one lousy girl. Chris: I won't do it. I... I can't... kill anyone. (turns to the shadows) Please! Understand. I... I can't do that! Please don't make me. Daryl: But you gave me your word. You promised me, little brother. (comes into the light) That I wouldn't be alone. His face is discolored and criss-crossed with stitches. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Chris' basement. Eric: The body is perfect. And if we harvest a head tonight, she'll be ready by sunrise. Daryl: When you brought me back you promised you'd take care of me. I need this, Chris. I need someone. Chris: Please don't ask me to do this. Don't ask me to take a life. Eric: I tried to tell him. If you take a life in order to make a life, the whole thing is a wash. No harm, no foul. Chris: Maybe you could... you could go out... Daryl: No! Chris: Let people know. Daryl: They can't see me. Chris, you've always been smarter than me. You were always the brains. You're the only one who can help me now. Third and long, seconds to go. Where do you throw? Where do you throw? Chris: Number five. Daryl's gonna drive. Daryl: Help me, brother. Chris nods. Daryl hugs him. Daryl: Thank you. (to Eric) Show me! Eric shows Daryl the pictures. Daryl: (points) This one. Eric: Ha, ha. A man of taste. He grabs a pair of scissors and cuts around Cordelia's hair. Eric: (sings) My girl / Talkin' 'bout my girl / My girl He snips her head off. Cut to the library. Willow: I checked the obits. Nothing that would make for a likely candidate. Xander: They seem kinda picky for guys who had three heads to begin with. Willow: Formaldehyde. Giles: Formaldehyde. Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course, it accelerates neural decay in the brain cells. Willow: After a couple days they're useless. They're gonna need something really fresh. Buffy: How fresh? Willow: As fresh as possible. Buffy, you don't think that they would... Buffy: I think anybody who cuts dead girls into little pieces does not get the benefit of any doubt. I wanna end this thing now. Giles: I second that. Buffy: Okay, fine. You guys go to Eric's, we can go to Chris', and meet up. Giles: (remembering) Oh! I'm supposed to be at the big game, I-I believe it's called. Buffy: Fine. Go ahead. We'll take care of this. Giles: Well, yes, but shouldn't I, I-I, um... Buffy: Okay, then why don't, uh, we all meet there? Giles: Fine. Yes. Willow: Buffy? Don't be too hard on Chris. I mean, he's not a vampire. Buffy: No. He's just a ghoul. They leave the library. Cut to Chris' house. His mother answers the door for Buffy. Buffy: Hi. Um, I'm a friend of Chris'. I kinda need to talk to him. Uh, do you know if he's home? Chris' Mom goes back inside and sits down again. Buffy comes in and closes the door. Buffy: So, is he home? Mrs. Epps: Westbury game. November 17, '95. Daryl rushed 185 yards that night. Four TD's. He was MVP, and he made All-City that season. Buffy: Yeah, that was a great one. Um, but is Chris home? Mrs. Epps: I dunno. Is today a school day? Oh, watch! Watch this move! Daryl takes a kickoff, he sheds one, two, three defenders, and he breaks into the open field for a ninety-five yard touchdown! Buffy sees the basement door with its 'Keep Out' and 'No Admittance' signs. Mrs. Epps: He woulda been nineteen next week. Buffy goes over to the basement door and opens it. She quietly makes her way down the stairs. She looks around a bit, and then goes over to the table. There she finds the pictures of herself and Willow. She also finds the plans for the body with Cordelia's face pasted on top. Buffy: (whispers) Cordelia! Daryl sneaks up behind her, but the door opens and they both look up. Buffy quickly hops over to the open basement window and climbs out. Daryl watches her go. Cut to the girls' locker room. Cordelia is putting on her lip-gloss. Joy, the cheerleading squad leader, walks by with Lisa. Joy: Cordelia. You coming? Cordelia: Yeah, I'll be right out. She finishes putting on her lip-gloss and sees Chris appear behind her in the mirror. She's startled and turns to face him. Cordelia: Oh, God! Chris, you scared me. What are you doing in here? He looks down and away from her. Cordelia: Is something wrong? She screams as Eric pulls a bag over her head and drags her off. Chris just looks away. Cut to a hall. Buffy comes around a corner and sees Joy and Lisa coming down the stairs. Buffy: Joy! Lisa! Where's Cordelia? Joy: Cordelia has a game to think about. She doesn't need losers like you. (tries to go) Buffy: (blocks her way) I'm sorry, what did you say? Cut to the locker room. Eric has Cordelia on the floor, trying to tie her hands. Buffy comes running down the adjoining hall and stops to look into the locker room. Eric sees her and gets up to defend himself. Buffy comes running in and jump kicks him, knocking him down. She crouches down and pulls the bag off of Cordelia's head. Buffy: Are you okay? Cordelia: Oh my God, Buffy! Eric gets up and runs away. Buffy: Don't worry, he's gone. Cordelia: I was on my way down to the field when Chris came in, and all of a sudden someone jumped me. Buffy: Shh! Quiet down. Relax. Take it easy. Cordelia: (hears music) That's the fight song. Oh my God, it's time for the cheerleader pyramid at mid-field. I've gotta go. Buffy: Well, are you sure you're okay to go out there? Cordelia: Yeah, you don't understand, I have to go. I'm the apex! (runs out) Buffy hears a noise and looks around. Buffy: Chris? (walks slowly) I know what you're trying to do. You and Eric. I know about the bodies from the cemetery. But you haven't hurt anyone yet. (Chris steps out into the open) Look, I know what it's like to lose someone that you're close to. But that's no excuse. What you're doing is wrong. Chris: I have to do this for him. He needs someone. Buffy: Who, Eric? He needs industrial strength therapy! Chris: He always looked out for me. Stood up for me. He's all alone. Everybody loved him. And now he's all alone. Buffy: Who are you talking... (realizes) Oh my God! Cut to Chris' basement. Daryl is trashing the place. Daryl: (yelling) You promised me! You promised I wouldn't have to be alone! Eric: It's not too late. Daryl comes over to him and lifts him by the shirt. Eric: Nothing's changed! We can still do this! You and me. Your brother's not the only one who can create life. Whadaya say? Daryl sets him down. Eric takes a few deep breaths. Eric: Let's go scare you up a date. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Chris' Basement. Buffy and Chris come in and quickly descend the stairs. Buffy: Daryl! Daryl? Daryl! She takes a quick look around. Buffy: He's not here. Where else could he be? Chris: But he would never go out. U-unless... Buffy: He's gonna pick up where you left off. She makes quick strides to get out of the basement and over to the game. After a moment's hesitation Chris follows her. Cut to the game. Cordelia is doing a cheer with the squad. Squad: Go, Razorbacks, go! Go, team, go! Go, Razorbacks, go! Go, team, go! On the field the ball is snapped, thrown, caught and run in for a touchdown. The crowd goes wild. Cut to Jenny and Giles coming from the refreshment stand. His arms are full of snacks and drinks. Jenny: I don't know what it is about football that does it for me. I mean, it lacks the, the grace of basketball, the, uh, poetry of baseball. At its best it's unadorned aggression. It's such a rugged contest. Giles: Rugged. American football. (laughs) They climb into the stands. Jenny: And that's funny because? Giles: No! (laughs) I just think it's rather odd (they sit) that a nation that prides itself on its virility should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just in order to play rugby. Jenny: Is this your normal strategy for a first date? Dissing my country's national pastime? Giles: Did you just say 'date'? Jenny: You noticed that, huh? Willow: Hi, Ms. Calendar! Hi, Giles. Jenny: Hey, guys. What's up? Willow: Eric's was a bust. Nothing there. Xander: Yeah, nothing but a bunch of computer equipment and a pornography collection so prodigious it even scared me. Willow: Did Buffy get back yet? Giles: No, uh, no. Uh, perhaps you should, uh, circulate nearer the field, see what you can find. Willow and Xander slip under the railing and sit in front of Giles and Jenny. Xander reaches back and takes Giles' popcorn. Xander: So, what's the score? Giles and Jenny are unhappy about them sitting right there. Cut to a view of the field from behind the spectators. The teams are getting in position for the next play. The ball is snapped. Cut under the stands. Daryl is crawling along, looking for Cordelia. He sees the action on the field and stops a moment to watch and remember. A player on the field gets tackled, but has gained several yards and gets high- fives from his teammates. Daryl lowers his eyes a moment, then notices Cordelia. She takes a break from cheerleading and walks over to the coolers next to the bleachers for a drink. Daryl comes up behind her as she drinks and grabs her. She screams, but her yell is drowned out by the crowd cheering another touchdown. The other cheerleaders jump and wave their pompoms. On the field the players help the scoring team member up and pat him on the back. Buffy and Chris arrive by the bleachers. Buffy: I don't see her. Do you? Chris: No. Buffy lets out a frustrated breath. Cut to the old science lab at the school. Cordelia has been blindfolded and is being tied to a gurney. Cordelia: Please, what's going on? Just take off the blindfold. I promise I won't scream! I promise! Daryl lifts the sheet from the headless body they've constructed. Daryl: She's beautiful! Eric: No! It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. Daryl puts the sheet back down and goes over to Cordelia. Cordelia: Please? Just take off the blindfold! I promise I won't scream! I promise! Daryl: Cordelia? He takes off her blindfold. She takes one look at him and screams at the top of her lungs. Eric: You can scream all you want. We're in an abandoned building. Cordelia screams for help at an even higher pitch. Eric holds up a pan and threatens to hit her with it. Eric: Okay, that's enough. Cordelia stops her screaming, and Eric puts the pan back down. Daryl: You were always good to me. Always noticed me. But I ignored you. I'm sorry. I'm glad I have a second chance to tell you that. Cordelia: D-Daryl? Daryl: I was thoughtless. I see that now. But I've changed. I've learned to appreciate how much it meant that you wanted to be with me. Eric: We're ready. Cordelia: Ready? Ready for what? Eric: You're gonna feel a little pinch, maybe some discomfort around the neck area. But don't worry. When you wake up, you'll have the body of a seventeen-year-old. In fact, you'll have the body of several. He lifts the sheet, and Cordelia lets out a very intense scream when she sees the body. Cut back to the game. Buffy walks over to the cooler and finds Cordelia's pompoms. Buffy: He was here, Chris. Where did he take her? Chris: To the rest of the body. To the lab. Buffy: Where is that? Chris: I promised him that I... Buffy: Look, he'll kill Cordelia! You can't just give and take lives like that. It's not your job. Chris: He's in the old science lab. Everything's set up there. Buffy: Thank you. Now find Xander and Willow and tell them what's going on. She leaves quickly for the lab. Chris goes to find the others. Cut to the lab. Eric is pouring gasoline into a sink. Cordelia: (frightened) Daryl, please. You don't have to do this. Daryl: We have to. So we can be together. Cordelia: We'll be together anyway! I'll be with you, I promise! Daryl: Is that right? Cordelia: Mm hm! Daryl: You see anything you like? He goes over to the other body and lifts the sheet. Daryl: And when you're finished you won't go out. You won't run away. But we can hide together. Cordelia: (very frightened) Please! Please! Eric holds a knife into a flame a moment, and then comes over to her. Eric: Sterile enough for government work. He bends over Cordelia to begin the procedure. Cordelia: No! No, please! There is a loud pounding on the door. It breaks open and Buffy comes in. Eric turns around, sees her and throws the knife at her. She catches it in midair. Cordelia: Buffy, help me! Eric runs away. Buffy: Daryl, listen. I know what you're doing, okay? Your brother sent me to stop you. Daryl: He wouldn't do that. My brother loves me. Cordelia: Buffy, they're crazy! Buffy: It's okay, Cordelia. I'm gonna get you outta here. Daryl: No, I'm not done with her yet! He turns to the instrument tray and fumbles around for something. He grabs a cleaver. Daryl: I'm not finished! He takes the cleaver back to Cordelia and tries to start hacking at her neck. Buffy rushes over, grabs Daryl's arm, knocks the cleaver away and punches him in the face. She scrambles around the table to continue the fight, but Daryl punches her hard in the face. He grabs her, slams her head into the instrument tray and throws her over Cordelia and onto the floor. Daryl: I won't live alone! He pushes Cordelia's gurney aside, and it knocks over the can of gasoline. The gas starts pouring out onto the floor. Eric: I'm getting out of here! Daryl: (grabs Eric by the shirt) You have to help me! Eric: Let go! Daryl throws Eric aside and faces Buffy again. Eric slides into a barrel with his head and gets knocked out. Daryl comes at Buffy. She kicks him in the knee, making him collapse to the floor. She kicks him again in the gut as he tries to get up. He tries to get up again, and she kicks him in the face. He's not fazed, gets up and tries to swing at her. She ducks it. He tries again, and she ducks again and kicks him in the chest, sending him staggering backward and knocking the Bunsen burner to the floor, igniting the gasoline. Xander shows up. Xander: Buffy! Buffy: Get Cordelia! Cordelia: Xander! Xander runs over to Cordelia and tries to untie her. Cordelia: Get me out of here! Daryl grabs hold of Buffy and flips her over onto the floor. As she gets up he grabs a canister and throws it at her. She ducks it. The flames around Cordelia and Xander are starting to get higher. Buffy kicks Daryl twice in the side. Cordelia: C'mon! C'mon! Get it off! Daryl grabs Buffy again, lifts her and holds on to her while she struggles to free herself. Xander is getting nowhere with Cordelia's bindings and tries to find a knife. Cordelia: Get it off! Get me outta here! C'mon! Buffy continues to struggle in Daryl's grip. Giles and Willow show up. Xander gives up looking and decides to just wheel Cordelia out. Willow and Giles spot Eric, pick him up and get him out. Xander gives the gurney a good shove, hops on and they roll through the flames while Cordelia screams. He hops off, and Jenny helps him stop the gurney. They get Cordelia loose. Buffy hits Daryl in the neck, and he lets go of her. She tries to kick him again, but he grabs her leg, lifts her up and throws her to the floor. Buffy is stunned and lies there while Daryl grabs a desk and raises it over his head. Chris: Daryl! Daryl looks behind him and sees his brother there. Chris: Don't! Daryl looks back at Buffy and then notices the body surrounded by flames. He tosses the desk aside and rushes over to it. Daryl: She's mine! Chris: Daryl! Buffy gets up and stops Chris from running into the flames after Daryl. Chris: Daryl! Jenny watches, stunned as Giles comes back into the room behind her and looks on as well. Daryl: No. We'll be together always. No! Mine! The flames engulf Daryl and his bride-to-be. Cut outside. There are fire engines and police all over. The camera pans down from above over to Chris and Buffy. Chris: The first time he woke up after... He said I shouldn'ta brought him back. I-I was just... tryin' to look out for him. Like... he woulda done for me. Angel: (suddenly shows up) I saw the fire. I figured you'd be here. Is everyone okay? Buffy: Yeah. We're okay. Cut to Giles walking up to Jenny. He hands her a cup of coffee. Giles: Sorry about all this. Jenny: It's okay. Although a good rule of thumb for a first date is don't do anything so exciting that it'll be hard to top on the second date. Giles: Believe it or not, since I've moved here to live on top of the Hellmouth, the events of this evening actually qualify as a slow night. (pauses and considers) Did you just say 'second date'? Jenny: You noticed that, huh? (smiles) Giles smiles back and takes a sip of his coffee. Cut to Willow and Xander. Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me. You ever think that the world is a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped and we're the only ones who don't have a chair? Willow: All the time. Cordelia: Xander? I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there was anything that I could ever do to... Xander: Do you mind? We're talking here. Cordelia is taken aback, rolls her eyes and leaves. Xander: So where were we? Willow: Wondering why we never get dates. Xander: Yeah, so why do you think that is? Cut to the cemetery. Angel and Buffy are strolling through. Buffy: God, the whole thing was so creepy. Well, at the same time, I mean... he did do it all for his brother. Angel: Sounds like he took it a little over the edge. Buffy: Love makes you do the wacky. Angel: What? Buffy: Crazy stuff. Angel: Oh. Crazy, like a two-hundred-and-forty-one-year-old being jealous of a high school junior? Buffy: Are you fessing up? Angel: I've thought about it. Maybe it bothers me a little. Buffy: I don't love Xander. Angel: Yeah, but he's in your life. He gets to be there when I can't. Take your classes, eat your meals, hear your jokes and complaints. He gets to see you in the sunlight. Buffy: I don't look that good in direct light. Angel: It'll be morning soon. Buffy: I should probably go. I could walk you home. They look at each
doc_260	[The woods] (Jules wakes up. She's naked. She gets up, walks and finds bodies mutilated. She dresses up with some of the camper's clothes and puts the limbs together so she can make a fire. She's starting the fire when a policeman arrives. He gets out of his car and come towards her. She pretends to be crying) Policeman: good morning. Is everything alright here? Jules: It was an animal. Fragment (consider revising) He came at us at the night Policeman: Are you okay? Jules: Yes but my friends! They're all dead Policeman: I'm calling item (He goes towards his car but Jules hits him really hard with a wooden stick two times. She kills him) [Salvatore's house] (Elena enters Stefan's bedroom) Elena: Stefan? Stefan? You're standing right behind me, aren't you? Stefan: Yep (She turns herself and kisses him) Stefan: Good morning Elena: I don't want us to be apart anymore. Never Stefan: Me neither, but... Elena: Don't ruin the moment (They kiss again but Stefan stops) Elena: You're about to ruin the moment, aren't you? Stefan: I'm totally ruining the moment. Look, I can't just pretend like everything is okay Elena: Katherine's locked away in the tomb Stefan: I know but we've still this pressing little issue of you being Klaus' human sacrifice (She opens one of Stefan's drawer and takes a foil with vervain and opens it) Elena: Yeah but Elijah promised to keep me and everyone else safe as long as we'd play by his rules Stefan: Right. As long as you'll play by his rules (She puts the vervain in a glass) Elena: Please don't go after Isobel Stefan: Katherine said Isobel could have some answers and I just have a couple questions, that's all (She pours water in the glass with the vervain in it. She drinks) Elena: Stefan, I made a deal with Elijah Stefan: Right, you made a deal with him. I didn't make one. You should keep your deal Elena: Stefan, I don't want anyone else to get hurt Stefan: When have I ever wanted somebody to get hurt? (She shows him the glass) Elena: Vervain. I made it late but are you sure? Just because Katherine build up a tolerance... Stefan: Yes, bottoms up (He takes the glass and drinks but he coughs) Elena: Are you okay? Stefan: Yeah Elena: How can Elijah compel another vampire? Stefan: He's an original. I don't really know what that means. I don't think anybody really knows what that means. Well, except maybe Isobel. I'll maybe we should ask her (He kisses her and leaves) (Rose is in the library, she seems sick. Damon rejoins her) Rose: I was born in 1450, that makes me 560 years old Damon: Well, if you were a bottle of wine... Rose: So I can die. I've lived long enough Damon: You know, if you're gonna be morn, I'm just gonna kill you myself just to put me out of your misery. (He pours blood in a glass) Damon: Come on, it's just a little werewolf bite Rose: Just a lethal, fatal to a vampire werewolf bite Damon: Well, according to a legend which is notoriously unreliable source. Drink out (He gives her the glass of blood) Damon: Blood heals (She drinks) Rose: Yeah, it does feel like it's working Damon: Let's have a look, come on. Let me see (he looks at the wounds but it's kind of infected and worse) Rose: How is it? Damon: Definitely better. Right, Elena? (Elena is in the room and seems chocked by Rose's wounds. Rose looks at her) Elena: Uh, it's not bad. Damon: Where's Stefan? Elena: He left. I need you to talk to him. He's convinced that he has to find Isobel but I think that's gonna upset Elijah Damon: No, can't do. I'm with Stefan on this one but if you could play nurse for a little while... Rose: It's not necessary Damon: It is necessary. Elena is a do-gooder. It's in her nature, she just can't resist (He leaves the room. Elena looks at Rose and rejoins him) Elena: Damon. Is she gonna die? Damon: Probably. The wolf bite caused some kind of infection and it's getting worse Elena: Like poison? Damon: I don't know, Elena. I'm not an expert in the field Elena: I'm sorry Damon: Death happens. We come, we go. Sooner she dies will better. It's gloomy as hell in here [Mystic Falls' high school] (Everyone is preparing the booster club barbecue. Caroline rejoins Tyler) Caroline: How are you feeling? Tyler: I'm okay. I'm sore, every muscle hakes Caroline: You did it. You know, you... your first full moon and you didn't hurt anyone. It'll get easier. You'll get better at it, you'll learn how to control it and it won't hurt so much Tyler: Well, we don't know any of that for sure Caroline: No but small victories, Tyler. Last night was a victory. You know, let's take it Tyler: Look, I really want to thank you. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there (She smiles) Caroline: Yeah, anyway, uh... next month we should probably reinforce the wall because you almost got me that one time and it just would have been, uh... Tyler: What? Caroline: Never mind, it's... Tyler: Hey, no, hey. What is it? Caroline: Well, it's not a big thing, it's just that one bites and it's... you know, curtains for me Tyler: What are you talking about? Caroline: The legend says that a bite from a werewolf can kill a vampire Tyler: How do you know that? Caroline: I... read it somewhere... (Matt rejoins them) Matt: Caroline, you got a second? Tyler: Hey, Matt Caroline: Yeah, sure Tyler: I'll see you guys later (He leaves so they can be alone) Caroline: That was nothing, okay? There is nothing going on between Tyler and I, we were just talking... Matt: I believe you. Look, Caroline, you're a lot a things but you're not a liar. You've always been strait with me, I believe you Caroline: Well, good Matt: And that's why I want to be strait with you because I... I think we have some wires crossed here Caroline: Oh, okay Matt: And you know how tauter I get and I don't like this. Whatever this is that's going on between us and I... I just want to... (He kisses her ) Caroline: Hey, you can't Matt: Why? Caroline: That's just... Matt: But Carrie... Caroline: No Matt, okay? (She leaves) [Mystic Grill] (Jules rejoins Sheriff Forbes at the bar) Jules: Sheriff Forbes, hi. I'm Mason Lockwood's friend from Florida Sheriff: Jules, right? Jules: Is there any news? Sheriff: No one's heard from him. I've opened an investigation. As soon as I hear anything I let you know (Alaric is looking at them. He calls Damon) Alaric: Hey, Damon. The wolf is at the grill (She sits down at a table. Stefan rejoins him) Stefan: Is it the....? Alaric: Yeah, yeah. I just left Damon a message Stefan: So you're doing his dirty work for him now Alaric: She could have a cure for Rose. I couldn't find anything in Isobel's research except that it's fatal Stefan: Do you still have a way to get in touch wit Isobel? Alaric: Even if I did, she isn't gonna help Stefan: Katherine said that Isobel knew of Klaus Alaric: So this isn't about Rose, it's about Elena. I have an old number, probably out of service Stefan: No harm in giving it to me then? Alaric: You know you can't trust Isobel, even when it comes to Elena Stefan: I know that Alaric: Alright. I'm gonna see if I can find the number. If I do, I'll text it to you (He leaves) [Salvatore's house] (Rose and Elena are in Damon's bedroom. Elena puts her in the bed) Rose: I hate this. I'm a vampire, I've never had a cold in five centuries Elena: Just get in the bed Rose: We don't get sick. When we die, it's fast and sudden and it's certainly not drawn out in illness Elena: You're not gonna die Rose: It's such a human thing to say (Elena looks around her) Rose: You've never been in Damon's room before, have you? (She takes a book and looks at it. Its ''Gone with the wind'') Rose: Not what you expected? Elena: It's just a room with a bed. Maybe I expected them to be silk sheets (They smile) Rose: You're lucky, you know. No one's ever love me the way you're loved Elena: I doubt that Rose: Trevor was my best friend. Nothing more. I spent all this years on the run from Elijah. I just never thought it was a good idea to set up roots. The whole idea of family is not exactly compatible with being a vampire. Why are you so eager to give up? Elena: I'm not giving up on anything (She gives her a glass of blood) Rose: What do you call this all deal with Elijah? Elena: I call it my best option Rose: It's the easiest option Elena: That's not fair Rose: Do you really think that your witch friend destroyed the moonstone? Elena: I spoke with Bonnie. I know that she had the help of another witch; unless you mean it's Elijah's witch so no, I don't Rose: You really are determined to die, aren't you? At least I ran, you're not even trying (She closes her eyes) Rose: I'm so tired (Elena is leaving but Rose is talking in her sleep) Rose: No, stop, wait. Tell them to prepare the horses Elena: It's okay Rose. Just get some sleep. You'll feel better when you'll wake up Rose: Trevor, don't be so stupid. You'll never going to make it there before the sun (Suddenly she sits down. She's in pain) Rose: Elena, Elena, I need more blood Elena: Yeah, of course, here (she gives her the glass of blood. Rose drinks but threw everything up) Elena: It's okay, everything's gonna be alright (She rushes to the bathroom. When Elena comes back, Rose's not here anymore. When she turns herself, Rose is here and pushes her hardly against the wall) Rose: Everything's your fault, Katerina. You Katerina, you did this Elena: No Rose, I'm Elena Rose: You betrayed us! Elena: I'm not Katherine! (Rose releases her) Rose: Elena? Elena: It's me, it's Elena Rose: Oh my god Elena. I'm so sorry. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm sorry Elena: You're gonna be alright Rose: My mind, I'm... Elena: It was just for a second Rose: I'm sorry, don't be scared of me Elena: I'm not. I'm not but you need to rest (Rose lays on the bed) Rose: I'm scared Elena: You're not alone. I'm right here Rose: Here, where's here? Elena: Damon's bedroom, you're in Damon's bedroom Rose: I want to go home Elena: Tell me about it Rose: St.Austell, 30 kilometers of the south of London. With fields and trees and horses Elena: Sounds beautiful Rose: When you live long enough, everything disappears. So much time wasted, I just wish I wouldn't have been so afraid [Mystic grill] (Jules is eating. Stefan's looking at her. He looks at his phone, Alaric's texted him the number. He calls but no one answers. He leaves a message.) Stefan: Isobel, it's Stefan Salvatore. I need to speak with you, it's about Elena. Please know that it's important (He hangs up and sees Damon. He sees Jules and goes toward her but Stefan stops him) Damon: What are you doing here? Stefan: I was waiting for you. Listen, there's a lot of people here Damon: Oh, damn. My plan was to rip her spleen through her back Stefan: Hey, listen, I know you're upset about Rose Damon: Why does everyone think that I'm upset about Rose? I'm fine. I don't know if you know this but sometimes, vampires die. I'm gonna have a friendly chat with lady wolf, brother. Ease up (He rejoins Jules. The number Stefan's called is calling. He answers and leaves) Jules: Well, if he doesn't the one I meant to kill...I'll have to get that right next time Damon: You won't leave to see another full moon unless... unless you tell me how to cure a wolf bite and then I won't kill you Jules: Promise? Damon: Yes Jules: Bite me (She gets up but Damon catches her arm) Jules: I'm not afraid of you Damon: Then you are very, very stupid Jules: How's your friend? Rose, is that her name? have the chills started? The unbearable pain? Damon: If there's a cure, tell me or start watching your back Jules: Did I mention the dementia? It'll eat away her brain. Soon she'll be rabid. You want a cure? I'll tell you the only cure that exists: take a stake and drive it through her heart (She leaves) [Salvatore's house] (Elena enters Damon's bedroom with new sheets) Elena: I brought some clean sheets (Rose is not here. Elena leaves the room to see where she is. She enters the library and calls Damon) Elena: It's Elena, I'm worried about Rose. I think you should come home (She hears a noise and go towards it. She finds Rose drinking blood from a bag. There's a lot of empty blood bags around her) Elena: Oh my god Rose: Katerina Elena: No (Rose goes after her. Elena runs) Elena: Rose, stop, stop, it's Elena. I'm not Katherine (Rose stops) Elena: You're hallucinating. I'm not Katherine (Rose catches her and pushes her on the floor. Elena opens the curtain. Rose is hurt by the sun so Elena runs. She tries to gets out of the house but Rose stops her and tries to bites her but Elena catches her wounds. Rose screams and Elena runs. She goes in Stefan's bedroom, locks the door and puts a furniture behind it. She opens the window so the sun can enter the room and breaks a wooden chair to make a stake. Rose tries to open the door) Rose: Elena? I know that's you and not Katerina. Elena, please, I need your help [Mystic Falls' high school] (Caroline is in a corridor. Matt rejoins her) Matt: Caroline. Why? Caroline: Why what? Matt: I kissed you Caroline: I know, I was there Matt: So why did you run away? Caroline: You got me off guard Matt: Yeah? Caroline: What did you except me to do? Matt: Not that Caroline: Well, I'm sorry Matt: And...? Caroline: And what? What do you want me to say, Matt? Matt: Something, anything. How did you feel? Anything in the roam of truth right now would be nice Caroline: Okay, I feel... like I.... I love you Matt: I love you then what's the problem? What are you keeping from me, Carrie? Look, if you love, you'll tell me so what is it? (She doesn't say anything. A cheerleader arrives) Dana: Hey Matt, we need more burgers Matt: Yeah, not now Dana (When he turns himself to talk to Caroline, she's not here) [SCENE_BREAK] [Salvatore's house] (It's night. Elena doesn't hear anything so she leaves the room and goes downstairs. The main door is opened. She turns herself and sees Damon. She still have the stake in her hand.) Damon: Are you okay? Where's Rose? Elena: I don't know [Mystic Falls' high school] (Rose is here, in the parking lot. A man is here and sees her) Man: Excuse me, are you okay? (He comes closer. She bites him and drinks her blood. He falls on the floor, he's dead.) (Damon rejoins the sheriff. The police's found the body) Damon: Hey Sheriff: Thanks for coming so quickly Damon: No, I was close by Liz, what happened? Sheriff: A vampire. Luckily one of my deputies discovered the body before anyone else saw him Damon: You have to secure the area then Sheriff: I take the east side of the school, you go west? Damon: Sure, okay (Elena Is here too. She leaves a message to Stefan) Elena: Hey, Stefan, it's me. I don't know where you are but please call me. It's important (Damon rejoins her) Elena: Hey. Have you heard from him? Do you know what he's up to? Damon: My baby brother is not exactly my priority right now. Take this (He gives her a stake) Damon: Come on, let's go (They leave) (Two students are going to their car) Boy: Hey, what was going on back there with the police? Girl: Some maintenance man had a hard attack. He was drop dead (she goes into the car and waits for her boyfriend but he doesn't arrive) Girl: Eddie? (His body falls on the car. The girl screams. She goes out of the car but Rose is here and bites her. Damon arrives) Damon: Rose, stop! (She rushes toward him but he catches her and puts her on the floor) Damon: Rose, Rose! It's me, it's Damon (her face is normal again. She looks at The girl's body) Rose: Did I do this? I never meant to heart anyone. I never wanted to hurt anyone Damon: I know (She looks at Elena) Rose: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Damon: Come on, let's get you home Rose: no, I don't have a home, I didn't had a home in so long (She cries) Rose: Oh make it stop, please make it stop! (He takes her in his arms and they leave) [Salvatore's house] (Rose and Damon are in his bedroom. She's in the bed) Damon: Hi there Rose: I'm sorry Damon: You went on a murder drop age. It happens (Elena enters the room) Rose: I'm sorry, Elena. I don't like taking human lives, I never have Damon: You shouldn't be here Rose: It's the worst part about it: the hunt, the need to kill, the thirst, the pleasure it brings you afterwards. I wasn't meant to be evil. It hurts Damon: Stop talking about it Rose: Damon's a lot like me. He wants to care but when he does he runs away from it. I'm sorry for what I've done today Elena: I know Rose: And you need to fight. I know you're scared but you have to do it anyway (She coughs. Elena comes closer and puts her arm under her neck) Rose: Why are you so nice to me? Elena: Us humans Rose: You can't never forget it, what it's like to be human. It haunts me. It's the only thing that keeps me going. It doesn't hurt much anymore (Suddenly she's hurt and screams) Elena: What do we do? Damon: Go Elena: Damon... Damon: Just go, I got this (She leaves. Damon goes in the bed with Rose and takes her in hi arms) Rose: Oh god! Make it stop, make it stop! I can't take it anymore, make it stop! [Caroline's house] (Tyler is waiting for Caroline. She arrives) Tyler: Hey. Where have you been? Caroline: At school. What's up? What's going on? Tyler: We need to talk Caroline: Why? What's wrong with you? Tyler: I just don't understand one thing Caroline: What? Tyler: Why would you risk it? If a werewolf bite kills a vampire... why would you risk it? Caroline: Because you needed help Tyler: I could have killed you Caroline: But you didn't Tyler: I don't understand you, Caroline Caroline: Why is it so hard for you to let someone else help you? Tyler: That's not it Caroline: Yes it is, Tyler. It's like you don't want anyone to care about you and I'm sorry I cared. I care Tyler so forgive me if I overstepped my boundaries by actually giving in (He kisses her) Caroline: You can't do that Tyler: I'm sorry, it's... Caroline: Everyone just need to stop kissing me! (She goes inside and shot the door) [Salvatore's house] (Damon is still with Rose) Rose: Who would have thought you'd be nice? Damon: I'm not nice. I'm mean. I like it Rose: You're lying Damon: Shut, shut, just sleep. Just sleep [Rose's dream] (Rose is in a dress, her hair are long. There are horses. She runs and sits down next to Damon) Rose: This was my favorite place to comes ago. How did you know? Damon: Word gets around. You told Elena Rose: Am I dreaming? (She closes are eyes and breath) Rose: The sun is so warm. I miss this. I miss being human Damon: Humanity is not all cranked off to be Rose: I had friends, I had a family, I mattered Damon: You still do Rose: no but you do. You built a life whether you want to admit it or not. I spent 500 years just existing Damon: You didn't have a choice, you were running from Klaus Rose: There's always a choice Damon: You know, you're ruining our perfect day with your strange philosophical babbling (She embraces him) Rose: I'd like to enjoy the fresh air. Would you enjoy it with me? Damon: For a while Rose: Thank you Damon: For what? Rose: The pain's gone Damon: I'm glad Rose: Will I see them again? My family? Damon: I think you'll see whoever you want to see Rose: That would be nice. Maybe I'll see Trevor too. I'm not afraid anymore (She gets up) Rose: I'll race you to the trees Damon: Well, you'll lose Rose: I'm older and faster Damon: Oh, you think? (He gets up) Damon: Well, I'm compelling this dream. Maybe I'll cheat Rose: On the count of three. One, two, three [Salvatore's house] (Damon takes a stake and drive it through her heart. He cries. Rose's dead) [Middle of nowhere] (Sheriff Forbes rejoins Damon. He opens his trunk) Damon: Here's your vampire (Rose is in the trunk. The sheriff is surprised) Sheriff: How did you find her? Damon: It doesn't matter. What matters is that it's over Sheriff: Thank you Damon. Once again, you've help keep this town safe Damon: I'll take care of burying the body (He closes the trunk) [Mystic Grill] (Tyler rejoins Jules) Jules: Thank you for coming Tyler: So what do you want from me? Jules: Just to be your friend. Mason would have wanted that. I know about Mason and you Tyler: You know what? Jules: I know you're a werewolf and I know your little friend Caroline is a vampire Tyler: How do you know about Caroline? Jules: You can't sniff them out? (He doesn't answer) Jules: Oh my god. You're brand new. How many times have you turned? (he doesn't answer) Jules: Hey, I can help you Tyler: Do you know where Mason is? Jules: He's dead, Tyler. He was murdered Tyler: No Jules: You want to know who murdered him? Tyler: Just stop Jules: Your little blond vampire did Tyler: No, Caroline would never do this Jules: She and her little vampires friends were behind it, Tyler Tyler: Caroline is the only vampire in town Jules: Is that what she told you? She lied, this town is crawling with vampires but don't worry, we'll get them Tyler: Who are you? Jules: I'm your friend. There are others like us and they're on their way [Salvatore's house] (Damon arrives. Elena's here) Damon: You were supposed to leave Elena: I did but then I came back to make sure that you're okay (She gives him a glass of scotch) Damon: I appreciate the gesture. I'm just glad it's over (He drinks) Elena: You know I don't believe that Damon: Go home, Elena. Get some rest. It's a whole new day tomorrow Elena: Damon, I'm you're friend Damon: I'm well aware of that Elena: And a friend usually knows when her friend is hurting Damon: What do you want to hear? That I cared about Rose? That I'm upset? Well I didn't and I'm not Elena: There you go, pretending to turn it off, pretending not to feel. Damon, you're so close, don't give up Damon: I feel Elena, okay? And it sucks! What sucks even more is that it was supposed to be me. Jules was coming after me Elena: You feel guilty Damon: That would be human of me, wouldn't Elena? And I'm not human. You want to talk about giving up? All you've done is give up! Go home. It's been enough doom, gloom and personnel growth for one night Elena: Okay, I will (She embraces him) Elena: Good night Damon (She leaves) [Gilbert's house] (Elena arrives. Stefan's here) Elena: Stefan, you're home Stefan: Rose? I... I called Isobel Elena: I know Stefan: I'm sorry, I had to Elena: It's okay. Did you find her Uncle John: Not exactly. Hello Elena Elena: Uncle John [The road] (A girl is driving but she stops because a man is laying on the road. She gets out and rushes over him. It's Damon) Jessica: Sir, are you okay? What happened? Damon: I'm... lost Jessica: And you're laying in the middle of the road? Damon: Not that kind of lost (He sits down) Damon: Metaphorically, existentially Jessica: Do you need help? Damon: Well, yes I do. Can you help me? (He takes a bottle from his pocket and drinks) Jessica: You're drunk Damon: No. Well, yes a little maybe (She starts to leave) Damon: No please don't leave. I really do need help (He rushes over her and compels her) Damon: Don't move Jessica: I don't want ant trouble Damon: Neither do I but it's al I got: trouble Jessica: Why can't I move? Damon: What's your name? Jessica: Jessica Damon: Hi Jessica. I have a secret, I have a big one but I never said it out load. I mean, what's the point? It's not gonna change anything, it's not gonna make me good, made me an adopted puppy. I can't be what other people want me to be, what she wants me to be. This is who I am, Jessica. Jessica: Are you gonna hurt me? Damon: I'm not sure because you are my existential crisis. Do I kill you or do I not kill you? Jessica: Please don't Damon: But I have to, Jessica because I'm not human and I miss it. I miss it more than anything in the world! That is m secret but there is only so much hurt a man can take Jessica: Please, don't (He cries) Damon: You're free to go (She runs to her car but Damon rushes over her and bites her. She's dead)
doc_261	•I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Dawn stealing a coin from the magic shop. Buffy and Dawn in Dawn's bedroom. DAWN: You're never here. You can't even stand to be around me. BUFFY: That is not true. DAWN: You didn't want to come back. I know that. You want to go away again. The demon poker game. SPIKE: I'm in. LOOSE-SKINNED DEMON: Ante up. Kittens mewing. BUFFY: You're gonna play cards?! Halfrek appearing in the living room. HALFREK: I have been called, and vengeance shall I wreak. Anya gasping. HALFREK: Hello. ANYA: Halfrek! HALFREK: Anyanka? Anya and Halfrek squealing and hugging. ANYA: How are you? XANDER: You two, you know each other? ANYA: Funny, Halfrek, I didn't summon you to kill Xander, I called to invite you to our wedding. Willow and Tara outside the magic shop. WILLOW: Tara. What are you doing here? Uh, it's okay for you to be here if you have things that ... you have to be here for. I'm doing better. No spells for 32 days. Tara and Buffy in the living room. TARA: Buffy, I promise, there's nothing wrong with you. BUFFY: There has to be. Why do I feel like this? Why do I let Spike do those things to me? Buffy and Spike kissing. TARA: Oh! BUFFY: Don't tell anyone, please. TARA: I won't. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser [SCENE_BREAK] Open on a small table with several stakes and daggers on it. Reveal Buffy who begins putting the weapons into a bag. We're in the Summers living room. Dawn stands behind Buffy. BUFFY: (sighs) I'm sorry. DAWN: It's okay. BUFFY: No, we're gonna sit down and have a real dinner. Someday. I hate having to run out in the middle, it's just, you know, there's this thing out there. Definitely non-vampire. DAWN: (smiling) I understand. Buffy picks up the bag, goes toward the door. DAWN: Well, maybe when you get back we can set up for your party tomorrow. BUFFY: Yeah. Uh, this could take a while though, I-I wouldn't wait up. (putting on her coat) Besides, Willow promised to be on birthday patrol, so there's nothing left for us to do. (smiling) DAWN: Right. BUFFY: Okay, so, finish dinner, homework, and don't stay up too late, all right? DAWN: Okay. BUFFY: Okay. Buffy turns to go. Dawn watches with a smile. As soon as the door closes behind Buffy, Dawn stops smiling. Stands there, alone, looking unhappy. Cut to graveyard, night. Buffy walks along holding a large axe with a metal handle. Suddenly a large demon with red skin and a spiny crest on its head leaps out behind her. Buffy whirls around. The demon swings a large sword at her. She ducks, then blocks with her axe. The demon's sword bends the axe handle, then pulls it out of Buffy's hand. It flies off and lands in the ground. The demon swings at Buffy again and she gets hold of his sword arm, twists it around behind his back. Suddenly the demon shimmers and disappears. Buffy looks around in confusion. The demon reappears behind her. She kicks him in the face, punches him, kicks again. He falls back. His sword goes flying up into the air. Buffy catches the sword on its way down. The demon charges her. She stabs him right in the stomach. Blue light flashes out in a circle from the wound. The demon roars and grabs his stomach. Buffy pulls the sword out and falls back onto the ground. The sword lands point-down in the ground. The demon falls to his knees, still roaring. He shimmers and turns into a bolt of silver light that shoots over to the sword and into it. We can see his face reflected in the sword's blade. Buffy is still on the ground, facing the other way. BUFFY: Run off, huh? Afraid to face a true warrior? She gets up and sees the sword. BUFFY: Ooh, shiny. She smiles, pulls the sword out of the ground and twirls it around. Walks off, holding it. Wolf howl, opening credits. Guest starring Kali Rocha, Ryan Browning, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Drew Z. Greenberg, directed by Michael Gershman. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open in the magic shop. Anya stands by the shelves dusting statues. ANYA: Do you think we should set up lots of candles for Buffy's party tomorrow? Pan over to reveal Xander and Willow sitting at a small round table doing paperwork. XANDER: Not if they're that horrible slug kind you keep trying to unload. ANYA: (walking past) I don't know why people get so turned off by slug. XANDER: Honey, slugs get turned off by slug. (to Willow) Oh, actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. WILLOW: Slugs? XANDER: No, the party. Or, Tara ... at the party. WILLOW: Oh. XANDER: It's just ... Buffy really wants her there. It seems important to her, so I told her I'd ask you. WILLOW: (smiling) Oh ... yeah, of course, she should totally be there. It'll be great. Dawn enters. She wears a red t-shirt with a beige sweater over it, and has a red coat over her arm. DAWN: (smiling) Hey! WILLOW: Hey, Dawnie. Buffy, uh, out patrolling already? (Dawn nods) XANDER: So, uh, anything new about Warren and the Nerd Herd? DAWN: No, just a big monster hunt. XANDER: Man, a nerd goes into hiding, he really goes into hiding. DAWN: Does anybody want to come to the mall with me for birthday presents? WILLOW: Oh, I would, honey, but ... I've got my group. You know, the whole Spellcasters Anonymous thing? We're still looking for a better name. DAWN: Oh. Well, yeah, uh, no, that-that's good. You should ... do that. (beat) So what about you guys? ANYA: Stuck in doing-the-books-ville. XANDER: Aw, I'd love to go with you, but I gotta finish this new shift schedule for the crew by tomorrow morning. Dawn looks disappointed. WILLOW: Sorry, it just looks like one of those nights. You know? DAWN: Yeah. WILLOW: You okay going on your own? DAWN: Yeah. Somehow I'll, uh, manage to pull it off. Willow gives her a little smile. Dawn grimaces, turns to leave. Cut to: overhead shot of Sunnydale, night. Cut to: exterior shot of the Summers house. Cut to inside. Dawn enters the front door, cautiously, looking around. She is wearing the red coat. Pan across the foyer into the empty dining room. DAWN: Buffy? Dawn starts up the stairs. Cut to Dawn's bedroom. Overhead shot of Dawn as she enters, closes the door behind her, turns on the light. She puts her purse on the bed and reaches into her coat pockets. Cut to a closer shot as she pulls a handful of jewelry from the pockets, still with the price tags attached. She looks at the handful for a moment, puts it on the bed, takes out another handful of jewelry and puts that on the bed too. She takes off her red coat, revealing a tight shiny leather jacket that she wears over the red t-shirt. She goes over to the closet, opens the door revealing a full-length mirror. She checks out the jacket in the mirror. We can see the price tag still hanging from the sleeve. She pulls the jacket tightly around her. Cut to: high school classroom, next day. Pan across bored students. TEACHER: ...if we can come up with things Jim lost during his years in Shanghai, and things he gained. (Shot of Dawn doodling) STUDENT: Excuse me. TEACHER: Who wants to- A student comes in and gives the teacher a piece of paper. TEACHER: Dawn. Dawn looks up, alarmed. TEACHER: They need you in the guidance office. Dawn continues looking alarmed as she gathers up her stuff. Cut to: long shot of Dawn walking down an empty hall lined with lockers. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR VOICEOVER: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Cut to the outside of the office. Through opened venetian blinds we can see Dawn sitting across the desk from the guidance counselor woman. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: Just a follow-up after your ... your loss. And since I'm new here, I thought it would give us a chance to know each other. Cut to inside the office. The guidance counselor is a fairly young woman wearing a small blue pendant around her neck. DAWN: Great. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: So, I've been looking through your file (shuffling papers on her desk) and, um ... your grades have slipped a little. DAWN: I have really hard classes this quarter. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: Yeah, still. Teachers say that you seem a little distracted lately. DAWN: I'm not. I-I'm fine. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: Okay. It's just, you know, I know it must seem weird, (small laugh) talking to a stranger about stuff, but, um ... I want you to know that if something's going on, something's up, my job ... the most important part of my job ... is looking out for you. She smiles. Dawn looks surprised, returns a very small smile of her own. DAWN: I'm really okay. The counselor nods slowly, sits back. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: I know there's been ... a lot of loss. Dawn looks down. DAWN: (quietly) Yeah. Kinda. (looks up) I-I mean, yes. People keep ... people have a tendency to go away ... and, I miss them. And sometimes ... I wish I could just make them stop. Going away. The counselor smiles. Dawn pauses, waves her hands dismissively. DAWN: But seriously, it's, it's no big deal. I'm fine. Cut to: close shot on a table laden with several trays of hors d'oeuvres. XANDER: (OS) We're feeding an army! BUFFY: (OS) No, they couldn't make it. Pan out to reveal that it's the island in Buffy's kitchen. Anya is preparing the food while Buffy sits opposite. Xander stands beside Anya. XANDER: So, who's coming, you invite anyone else? BUFFY: Just you guys. Willow, Tara. The gang. Oh, and Sophie from work. Xander and Anya look at her, exchange a look. BUFFY: What? Like I'm one of those losers who can't make friends outside her tight little circle? No. I'm friendly. We bonded instantly. Peas in a pod. Bonded peas. ANYA: Really? Um, what's Sophie's last name? Buffy thinks for a moment, frowns. BUFFY: (pouting) Okay, shut up. XANDER: Don't worry about it, we're all over the new friend thing. (Anya smiling) BUFFY: What ... new friend thing? ANYA: (smiling) Well, well ... we invited someone for you. Buffy looks horrified. ANYA: (whispers) A guy. DAWN: (entering) For Buffy? Really? (smiling) XANDER: Ahh, don't worry, it's not a setup. ANYA: (grinning) Right. No. Just an attractive single man, with whom we hope you find much in common. (Buffy looking annoyed) And if you happen to form- XANDER: Ahn- ANYA: -a romantic relationship leading to babies- XANDER: Ahn- ANYA: -and many double dates with us so we have someone else to talk to, yay! Xander looks uncomfortable. BUFFY: I assume this was an act of kindness? (Xander looking embarrassed) That'll help with the not throttling. Buffy gives Xander a meaningful look. He gives a fake laugh. XANDER: Hey, I'm just gonna get this stuff out there, people should be here soon. He picks up some of the food. Cut to the foyer, later. Buffy opens the door to reveal Tara, holding a small gift box. BUFFY: Hey! You made it! They smile and hug. TARA: Of course, sweetie. (pulls back) So, how're you doing? BUFFY: Oh, you know. Better. Mostly. (Tara looking sympathetic) Sometimes. TARA: So, is, um... (looks around) Spike coming? BUFFY: No. He may be a chip-head, but ... he still doesn't play too well with others. Tara smiles, turns to put down the gift and hang up her coat. BUFFY: Besides, I'm definitely not ready to, to... TARA: (turns back) Come out. BUFFY: (smiles) Yeah. I'm all ... stay-inny. Tara smiles and nods. Cut to upstairs. Willow is standing in front of a mirror, very nervously adjusting her clothing. Cut back to downstairs. BUFFY: How are you doing? TARA: (anxious) The word "gulp" comes to mind. BUFFY: (sympathetic) Just remember, we're all here...to... Willow appears at the top of the stairs, coming down. Tara looks nervous. BUFFY: ...I have to, with the thing that I, uh... Coming! Buffy exits ungracefully. Tara and Willow face each other nervously. WILLOW: Hey. TARA: Hey. WILLOW: Hey. (pause) How are you? TARA: Fine, thanks, I'm ... I'm fine. I, how are you? WILLOW: (smiling) Great! I mean... (stops smiling) Fine. I'm, I'm ... finey McFine. Fine. TARA: Y-you look... WILLOW: (smiles) Thanks. (stops smiling, looks embarrassed) TARA: I mean ... great. WILLOW: (embarrassed) Thanks. You do too. Is that a new- TARA: Oh, yeah. (glancing nervously at her dress) WILLOW: It's nice. TARA: Thanks. Very awkward silence. TARA: I-I'm gonna get something to drink. WILLOW: Oh, yeah, great. You should. Tara exits toward the kitchen. WILLOW: (muttering to herself) You don't wanna get thirsty. Cut to the kitchen. Buffy is filling paper cups from a large pitcher. Tara enters. BUFFY: Hey, how did it- TARA: Yes please. Tara takes a cup from Buffy's hand and drinks. Buffy looks surprised. Knocking at the back door. Buffy stands up. Spike enters, holding a 6-pack of beer under one arm. Someone else enters behind him but we can't see who it is. BUFFY: (surprised) Spike. SPIKE: Yeah. Willow mentioned the shindig ... figured we're all part of the team. We see that Spike still has a large bruise over one eye from being beaten by Buffy in "Dead Things." Buffy gives Tara a nervous look. SPIKE: Thought I'd, uh, swing by. Reveal the other person behind Spike. It's the loose-skinned demon from the poker game in "Life Serial." Buffy frowns. BUFFY: Wait, what kind of team is this? DEMON: Hi. We met once before. BUFFY: Yes, yes we did. SPIKE: You know, more, merrier, that whole thing. DEMON: (to Tara) Hi, I'm Clement. Clem. TARA: Tara. Xander enters with a young hunky blond man wearing a red shirt (Star Trek fans, take note). XANDER: Buffy, Richard. BUFFY: (smiling) Hey. XANDER: He was wondering where the best place was to park his car. BUFFY: Oh, that's easy, just-(pointing) XANDER: Buffy will show ya. Xander shoves Richard toward Buffy. They look at each other nervously. BUFFY: Okay, uh... (to Tara) I'll be right back. Over Richard's shoulder, Buffy looks at Spike. He raises one eyebrow. Buffy takes Richard's arm and leads him toward the front. Richard pauses in the doorway. RICHARD: (whispers) Uh ... the guy with the... BUFFY: Skin condition. He doesn't like to talk about it. Buffy leads Richard away. SPIKE: Stupid git! (closing the back door) TARA: I don't know. He seemed ... cute. W-was he cute? I mean, I'm not a very good judge, but... Spike scowls. TARA: (grinning) I think he seemed cute. CLEM: (agreeably) I think he seemed cute, yeah. Spike gives them both a look of outrage. Cut to the living room. Xander sits on the sofa; Dawn and Anya stand nearby. DAWN: If we get Buffy, can, can she start on opening the presents? It's been enough time, hasn't it? ANYA: Not yet, sweetie. XANDER: I think Buffy's busy right now. ANYA: (as if talking to a small child) Buffy's making a new friend. A grown-up friend. DAWN: What, you mean the guy you invited to set her up with? ANYA: Nothing. DAWN: It's not like I don't understand why you invited him. I was there, remember? I can hear you when I'm in the room, you know? (Anya just nodding) I do understand these things. ANYA: (patronizing) Yes you do! (patting Dawn on the head) DAWN: You know I'm in high school, right? ANYA: Yes you are! Dawn stares at Anya in disbelief. Cut to Buffy coming down from upstairs. Spike intercepts her in the foyer and backs her into a corner. SPIKE: You wanna slip away for a minute, luv? BUFFY: What? SPIKE: I'll let you blow out my candles. BUFFY: Here. Now? I don't think so. SPIKE: Oh, what, you worried about Richard? You don't wanna make your new boyfriend jealous, huh? BUFFY: (grinning) Shut up. He's ... sweet. SPIKE: (teasing) "Oh, shut up, he's sweet." BUFFY: Maybe he's not the jealous one. Spike looks surprised. Buffy moves past him and away. SPIKE: You think he'll take you out on his ten-speed, pet? (to himself) Maybe he'll let you ride in that little basket in the front. (scoffs) Jealous my ass. He sighs, looks around in frustration. Cut to later. Buffy sits on the sofa, looking skeptically at a device with a large head with two round knobs on it. BUFFY: Uh... We see Willow sitting on Buffy's right. Dawn sits on Buffy's left, fidgeting very obviously. WILLOW: See? i-it's a battery-operated back massager. And it's portable so you can take it with you on patrol. BUFFY: (dubious) Wow. WILLOW: (smiling) It's like, instant gratification for all your little acheys. Buffy looks over at Spike leaning in the doorway. Spike raises his eyebrow and gives his best suggestive smirk. BUFFY: (quickly) Great! Thanks! (puts the massager aside) Uh, what's next? DAWN: (excited) Here, do mine. Dawn turns to pick up a large flat box behind her, gives it to Buffy. Buffy begins unwrapping it. Shot of Spike watching, glancing over at Clem. Shot of Clem and Tara watching. Buffy removes the paper to reveal a plain white box. She opens it and looks inside. BUFFY: (surprised) Dawn. Close shot on the box, containing the black leather jacket that Dawn was wearing earlier. DAWN: (smiling) Do you like it? BUFFY: (lifting it out of the box) It's ... gorgeous. DAWN: I was so nervous. I was afraid you wouldn't like it. Buffy looks at the jacket, frowns. Close shot on the sleeve which has the security tag attached. BUFFY: I-it still has the security tag on it. Dawn looks alarmed, covers quickly. DAWN: Huh. That's so weird. I can't believe they didn't take that off. Buffy stares at her. XANDER: (OS) Happy birthday, Buffy! Everyone turns to see Xander and Anya wheeling in a large wooden chest. BUFFY: Oh my god! Xander and Anya place the chest in the middle of the room and gesture proudly. BUFFY: Did you guys make that? Buffy gets up, thrusting the box with the jacket into Dawn's lap. Dawn looks dismayed. ANYA: Uh, well, uh, Xander did the building. (Dawn still looking upset) I offered helpful suggestions while observing from a safe distance. Buffy kneels down to open the chest. Xander holds the lid open and leans over to speak softly so Richard won't hear. XANDER: Holds basic weapons, (Buffy smiling) plus a few non-basic ones too. (loudly) Plus, there's a handsome CD holder. Shot of Dawn looking disgusted, folding the jacket back into the box. ANYA: (OS) We wanted you to have something no one else would have. BUFFY: (OS) A Xander Harris original. Sound of the doorbell ringing. BUFFY: I love it. Thanks, you guys! Buffy leans across the chest to kiss Xander on the cheek. In background we see Tara opening the front door. TARA: Buffy? Buffy hugs Anya, turns around. BUFFY: Oh! Sophie! We see a nervous-looking young woman standing in the doorway. BUFFY: Welcome! (Sophie exchanging smiles with Tara) Uh, we're somewhere between, uh, presents and cake. (to Anya) There is gonna be cake eventually, right? (Anya nodding) SOPHIE: (walking into the living room) Hey. Uh, my mom told me to say thank you right away, 'cause, otherwise I usually forget. So, thank you. Buffy and Anya listen to this politely. We see Spike in the background watching. SOPHIE: And, also, um, I can't have any, any chocolate, or, or peanuts or egg yolks. ANYA: (whispers to Buffy) Is this the friend you brought from work? BUFFY: Yes. SOPHIE: A-and sometimes dairy. BUFFY: No problem. Sophie looks around at the others. Clem gives her a friendly smile and wave. Tara smiles too. ANYA: (whispers to Buffy) Our friend is better. Dawn gets up and moves toward the foyer as Sophie moves farther inside. Spike remains leaning against the door frame. BUFFY: (OS) Uh, we can do official introductions now that everyone's officially here. Dawnie, you mind getting the door? Dawn goes past Spike and Tara to the open door. BUFFY: (OS) Sophie, this is Anya ... and Willow... Shot from on the porch looking in. Dawn stands in the doorway, looks unhappily back at the party, then outside. Slowly, she closes the door. Pan across the outside of the door to the porch. Dawn's guidance counselor walks out of the shadows, on the porch. She walks over to the front door, smiling slightly. She stops walking and her face morphs into demon-face -- she is Halfrek. She speaks in her deep resonant demon voice (see episode "Doublemeat Palace"). HALFREK: Wish granted. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the party. Loud rock music is playing. Pan across Sophie and Clem dancing together. Pan across Willow sitting in a chair with Xander sitting on its arm, both talking and moving to the beat. Pan to the sofa where Anya sits waving her hand to the beat. Dawn sits beside her, looking bored. Zoom in on Dawn. She looks like she's trying to pretend she's enjoying herself. She experiments with a couple of different smiles. Cut to the foyer. Buffy comes out of the dining room and encounters Richard in the hall. RICHARD: Hey. BUFFY: Hi. RICHARD: Great party. Everyone's havin' fun. BUFFY: (smiling) I hope so. RICHARD: I mean, look what time it is and no one's even thinking about leaving. I, uh ... can't tear myself away. BUFFY: (smiling uncertainly) Yeah? RICHARD: Yeah. Can I get you a drink? Behind Richard we see Spike appear in the living-room doorway, observing. BUFFY: Uh ... I'm good, thank you. RICARD: Okay. BUFFY: (awkward) I think I'll just ... head back in. RICHARD: Well ... I'll look for you. BUFFY: (smiling) Okay. Richard smiles, goes past her and into the dining room. SPIKE: Ooh, Buffy. (Buffy rolling her eyes) Can I get you a soda pop? I think I'm in looove. Spike walks up to her, smirking. He tries to take her hands but she pulls them away. But she is smiling too. BUFFY: Stop it. Someone's gonna see. She walks toward the kitchen. Spike follows, stops her at the doorway, putting one hand on the wall beside her head to block her way. SPIKE: Mm-hmm. He puts his other hand on her shoulder, runs it down her arm, takes her hand and pulls it onto his thigh. Someone appears at the other end of the hall. Buffy quickly pulls her hand back as both she and Spike look over. It's Tara, looking a bit taken aback. Buffy glances at Spike, pushes past him and exits toward the kitchen. Spike looks at Tara with a slightly nervous smile. Tara looks innocent. SPIKE: I had ... a ... muscle cramp. Buffy was, uh, helping. TARA: (small grin) A muscle cramp? In your ... (looks down at him, then away) pants? SPIKE: What, it's a thing. TARA: (grinning) Right. She walks off. Spike looks disgruntled. ANYA VOICEOVER: No, you go. Cut to the dining room. Xander sits in a chair with Anya on his lap, both nuzzling each other in disgusting coupley fashion. Sophie and Willow sit opposite. XANDER: (teasing, nuzzling) No, you go. ANYA: (teasing, nuzzling) No, you go. WILLOW: Okay! Xander and Anya stop, look over at Willow. WILLOW: It's just a beer run, I'll go. SOPHIE: Oh, well, I can't really drink beer, 'cause you know, barley. But I'll go with you to get some. WILLOW: Perfect. Here we go. The beer-gettin'. They all continue to sit there, not moving. After a moment Willow leans over and puts her head on the table. Xander and Anya resume nuzzling. Cut to the living room. Dawn, Buffy, Richard, and Anya are playing Monopoly on the coffee-table. BUFFY: This sucks. I'm out. (giving money to Anya) RICHARD: No way. I think you're doing fine. Pan over to the other table where Clem, Xander, Spike, and Tara are playing cards. XANDER: (to Buffy) You wanna try poker? CLEM: Still say it's weird without the kittens. BUFFY: No kittens. (Richard giving her a funny look) He's quirky. RICHARD: Look, we've already been playing for like three hours, it's, you know, it's like two-something in the morning. You can't bail now. ANYA: Yeah, come on, Buffy, stay. I wanna bankrupt somebody. (Buffy giving her a sour look) DAWN: Oh! We should totally have a slumber party. BUFFY: (uncertain) Oh, I don't know... (looking around) I guess, as long as everyone's staying up anyway. SPIKE: Must be some late-night activities to keep us busy till morning. (giving Buffy a suggestive look) (Buffy glaring at him) TARA: How's that cramp, Spike? Still bothering you? SPIKE: What? Oh. Yeah. TARA: Maybe you, uh, wanna put some ice on it. Tara gives an innocent little smile. Spike looks confused, frowns, looks at his cards. Shot of the foursome playing Monopoly. Close shot of Dawn looking around and smiling hugely. Cut to later. Sunlight coming in the windows. Willow and Sophie are asleep on the sofa. Xander, Dawn, and Clem sit on the floor watching cartoons on TV. The Monopoly game, food, beverages, presents, etc. are scattered everywhere. Pan across the room to Buffy and Spike sitting on the floor beside the new weapons chest. Buffy is shuffling the deck of cards. Richard enters from the kitchen. RICHARD: Hey Xander, we gotta be at work in a few minutes. Close shot of the three watching TV. XANDER: (staring at TV) Okay. Shot of the cartoons playing on the TV. RICHARD: I can't be late today. SPIKE: You should definitely go. Let's find your coat and get you on your merry way. BUFFY: Spike. RICHARD: (confused) I don't know why I'm not leaving. SPIKE: Me either. Besides, Richie, you can't skip breakfast. Growing boy like you. (Buffy glaring at him) Me, I used to love breakfast. In the old days, I probably would have eaten by now. (looks menacingly at Richard) BUFFY: Of course, with that new diet of yours, you wanna be careful what you try puttin' in your mouth now, Spikey. (giving him a meaningful look) SPIKE: Yeah? I don't know. Tummy's making all kinds of gurglies. Maybe I oughta just feed on whatever's around... (Buffy looking at Richard. Richard looking bemused) even if it doesn't go down well. (to Richard) You, uh, work out? BUFFY: Okey-dokey. Buffy quickly gets up, grabs Spike by his sleeve, hauls him to his feet and toward the door. BUFFY: (to Richard) 'Scuse us. Buffy hauls Spike into the foyer. BUFFY: Hey, Mister Passive-Aggressive Guy. Seriously, you wanna take it down a notch or two in there? SPIKE: What, poor dainty Richard can't take a joke? BUFFY: (firmly) We do not joke about eating people in this house! SPIKE: (angrily) What are you gonna do, beat me up again? BUFFY: I should have thrown you out the second you got here. (Spike rolling his eyes) I was insane to ever think you could just hang out with my friends. SPIKE: And I was insane to think... (pauses) No, wait. You were right. You're insane. Cut to the kitchen. Tara is pouring milk into a bowl of cereal. WILLOW: (OS) Oh, hi. TARA: (looks up) Hey. Willow walks over, stands by the island across from Tara. TARA: Breakfast. Didn't really plan for a sleep-over. WILLOW: I know, me either. It's weird, I ... I have class, and I know I should go, but...(sits) TARA: I know, i-it's like, I wanna leave, but I don't want to. WILLOW: (smiles) Exactly. Tara smiles back. Cut back to the foyer. Buffy and Spike continue arguing. BUFFY: (angrily) I think it's time for you to go. SPIKE: Yeah, well, can't. (gesturing) Daylight. BUFFY: Okay. I'll go. SPIKE: I'll get the door. BUFFY: Fine! SPIKE: Fine! BUFFY: I'm actually trying to move right now. SPIKE: (quieter) Me too. They both stand there, not moving. Buffy sighs, frowns. BUFFY: Well ... this can't be good. Spike shakes his head, agreeing. Cut to the living room. The entire party is gathered. They all sit or stand around, staring at each other. BUFFY: There's something keeping us in this house. XANDER: Or someone. TARA: Has everyone tried to get out? WILLOW: What if we just, like, as a group, got up and, and threw ourselves at the door? XANDER: All right. Count of three. (everyone preparing) One ... two ... three! No one moves. XANDER: Here we go! Still nothing. Buffy looks around. Shot of Dawn sitting off to the side, looking sullen. BUFFY: Hence the problem. RICHARD: I really need to go. I mean, I have a job to get to. ANYA: I have to open the Magic Box. SOPHIE: I have a shift at the DoubleMeat. (thinks) Actually, I'm okay here. CLEM: Yeah, I'm, I'm fine. XANDER: Willow and Tara have class, I gotta be at the site. BUFFY: I know, I know, we all have places that we'd rather be. Shot of Dawn looking up at that, looking upset. SPIKE: (softly) Things we'd rather be doing. BUFFY: I think the first priority has to be to find a way out. DAWN: Sure. Of course you all wanna leave. (Buffy looking at her) 'Cause being stuck in here with me, that would really suck, right? Buffy frowns slightly. WILLOW: No, Dawnie! It's just, we have more important things to do. DAWN: (disgusted) Yeah, I know. Important. (gets up) Whatever that means, right? Dawn storms past them and up the stairs. They all watch her go. Everyone looks at Buffy. Cut to Dawn's bedroom. Dawn runs in, flops down on her stomach on the bed. Buffy enters, followed by Tara, Willow, Xander, and Spike. BUFFY: Dawn? DAWN: What? BUFFY: Did you do something? DAWN: (exasperated) Me? TARA: Do you know something? 'Cause we want you to feel like you can tell us. Dawn sits up, turns to face them. DAWN: (angrily) What would I know? WILLOW: Look, we're not accusing you of anything, it's just ... you were kind of taking it personal down there. DAWN: Oh. Okay. So you've all just decided that somehow I'm responsible. (sourly) Great. Here's me baskin' in the love. XANDER: No, it's just, you know, you're upset 'cause we all wanna leave. And now we can't leave. Only thing missing is a cornfield. There ... there isn't a cornfield, is there? BUFFY: Dawnie, it's okay. You know, we're not gonna be mad. DAWN: Yeah, only I didn't do anything! WILLOW: You sure? DAWN: You want me to ask my other self? BUFFY: Dawn, we're just trying to figure out what's going on. DAWN: (angrily) Figure it out yourself. I'm done being talked to like a kid. XANDER: Well, 'cause you know, sometimes we do something that seems like a good idea at the time, like, say, invoke the power of a musical amulet? And it turns out, you know, not so much. DAWN: God! I didn't do anything! I wish I had. (Buffy frowning) I'm glad you're trapped. (very angrily) How else can I get anybody to spend any time with me? BUFFY: Dawn. If you want us to spend time with you- DAWN: I don't. Get out. Buffy stares at her. DAWN: (shrieking) Get out, get out, get out! The others exit, leaving only Buffy and Dawn. Dawn turns away angrily, lies down on her stomach on the bed again. Buffy stares at her for a moment, then leaves. ANYA VOICEOVER: I think she's possessed. Cut to downstairs. Anya and Xander sit side-by-side on the sofa. XANDER: She's a teenager. We see Buffy, Willow, and Spike sitting around too. Tara comes in from the dining room. TARA: Phones are all out, we're totally cut off. They all sigh and groan. BUFFY: (quietly) She's just so angry. TARA: It happens. We all went through it. BUFFY: I know. I just can't figure out why she didn't come to me. XANDER: Well, you have been a little busy lately. Xander and Anya look at Buffy. She looks grim. SPIKE: Hey, I don't wanna keep you all from the touchy-feelies, but maybe the encounter group can meet later. Say, when we're not trapped in a house. TARA: Even if Dawn does know something, she's obviously not gonna help us right now. We need another way. BUFFY: I think magic's gonna be our best bet. (Willow looking alarmed) Something general, you know? Cast a wide net. (Tara nodding) XANDER: But ... Willow. (gesturing toward Willow with his head) TARA: No, I'll do it. (Willow fidgeting nervously) It's just, o-obviously I didn't bring any supplies. Willow looks guilty. BUFFY: (OS) Well, we don't have any in the house. We got rid of everything. WILLOW: Actually ... not everything. (guilty) I, uh... might have ... kept one or, or two things. Sort of. Tara and Buffy look shocked. WILLOW: ...just in case. XANDER: That's great! Beat. Anya, Tara, and Buffy look somber. XANDER: ...in a very bad way. (shaking finger at Willow) Tara sighs, stands up. TARA: (to Willow) Just ... bring me what you have. (firmly) But I'm doing this alone. You need to stay away from it. Tara exits, leaving the others to sit around looking grim. Cut to: exterior shot of the house, day. Cut to the kitchen. Buffy and Xander watch as Tara mixes ingredients, using kitchen implements and bowls. She scoops a damp mixture of herbs from one bowl into another and mashes it down. Cut to the foyer. Willow, Spike, and Anya stand in a row in front of the front door. ANYA: So we're supposed to just wait? WILLOW: It won't take long. Sophie, Richard, and Clem appear in the dining-room doorway. RICHARD: All right, somebody wanna tell me what's, what's going on here? We're trapped in a house by ... by what, some unseen force or something. (gesturing at the door) Who knows what she's doing in there. (pointing to the kitchen) And I have to tell you... (looks back at Clem scratching his head with clawed fingers) I don't think that's a skin condition. Cut back to the kitchen. Tara uses a match to set her mixture on fire, then blows out the match. Red smoke billows up out of the bowl. Shot of the smoke curling in a wavy line through the door toward the living room. TARA: Release. The smoke curls over to where the demon sword is sitting, leaning against a china cabinet. The smoke swirls around the sword. TARA: (calls) Try the door! Spike steels himself. Close shot of his hand curling into a fist. Close shot of his feet trying to move. Shot of the sword as the last of the magic swirls into it and a silvery puddle begins to swirl out of it onto the floor. Close shot on Spike's face as he grits his teeth and concentrates on the door. Close shot on the closed door. Willow and Anya both look at Spike. Close shot on Spike's fist uncurling. SPIKE: (annoyed) No. Can't. They all look disappointed. Richard, Sophie, and Clem walk out into the foyer to join the other three. They all stare at the door. Spike rubs his forehead. Close shot on the still-closed door. Cut back to the living room. The fully re-formed demon picks up his sword. He growls. Sunlight glints off the sword blade. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the foyer. Clem, Sophie, Willow, Spike, Anya, and Richard stand staring at the closed door. The demon attacks them from the living room, growling. Everyone scatters, some of them screaming. The demon enters the foyer and swings his sword, slashing Richard across the stomach. On the back-swing, his sword arm hits Spike, who grabs the arm and struggles with the demon. Buffy, Xander, and Tara enter from the kitchen. Buffy tackles the demon, both landing on the living-room floor. Spike follows them in. The demon melts into the floor and disappears. Buffy sits up, frowning, then stands up. She and Spike exchange a confused look. Xander, Tara, and Anya bend over the injured Richard. The demon reappears behind Buffy, lifting his sword in both hands. Buffy grabs his hands. He shoves her back. She flies into Spike, and both of them go down. The demon disappears again. Buffy gets to her feet again. SPIKE: What the bloody hell was that? BUFFY: That's the demon I killed two nights ago. SPIKE: The demon you thought you killed. XANDER: It looks pretty bad. Buffy looks over in horror at Richard. ANYA: Oh god. Oh, god. They roll Richard over onto his back, revealing a bloody gash that goes all the way across his stomach. TARA: Let's get him upstairs. (to Buffy) We need to get him to a doctor soon. BUFFY: (addressing everyone) Hey, i-it's gonna be okay. Spike looks annoyed, gets up off the floor. BUFFY: Just trust me, I promise we'll be out of here soon. Cut to: exterior shot of the house, night. Cut to inside. Sophie stands holding a curtain aside, looking out at the darkness. SOPHIE: Oh god. Oh god. Pull back to reveal the living room. Spike stands a little ways behind Sophie, arms folded. Buffy walks into the shot between them. BUFFY: Okay, so maybe 'soon' was a bit of an overstatement. SPIKE: So, you ever think about not celebrating a birthday? Just to try it, I mean. BUFFY: I'm gonna go check upstairs. Keep an eye on things down here? Spike nods. Buffy turns to go. BUFFY: You stay here, okay? We see that Buffy was addressing Dawn, who sits on the sofa looking sullen. Close shot on Dawn as Buffy exits. Weird creaking noises. Dawn looks around in alarm. Spike looks around too. DAWN: What's that noise? It's in the walls, isn't it? Spike leans close to the wall, listening. Creaking noises continue. Spike moves slowly along the wall, listening. Cut to Willow's bedroom. Richard lies on the bed trembling and breathing shallowly. Tara sits beside him, tending to his wound. Willow stands nearby. Creaking noises continue. Willow and Tara look around nervously. Tara resumes cleaning Richard's wound with a piece of gauze and a bottle of antiseptic. Richard looks around nervously. The noises continue. Cut to the hallway. Buffy walks along slowly, holding a dagger, looking around. Looking the other way, she comes upon Clem and they both gasp in alarm. CLEM: (nervously) Sorry. Buffy sighs. Cut to another part of the house. Anya and Xander sit on the floor. Anya is panting and fiddling with the lapels of her white blouse, which is partly unbuttoned. She wears a black tank-top underneath it. ANYA: Why is it so hot in here? XANDER: You're just a little freaked out, that's all. It'll pass. ANYA: He's gonna die. He's gonna die, and we're gonna watch. XANDER: Ahn... ANYA: And we're just sitting here. Why are we just sitting here? Why aren't we doing something? XANDER: We are. We will. We've been through worse. ANYA: (panting, rubbing her chest) Not like this. Not trapped like animals. Seriously, did someone turn on the heat? (unbuttoning her blouse) I can't breathe, I just ... oh, I just can't breathe ... I can't breathe... XANDER: (grabbing her hands) Ahn, stop. Stop, Ahn, stop! He manages to stop her, and she turns to look at him. XANDER: Listen to me. You're just freaking out, okay? It's normal. You're just ... you're just scared. We all are. We'll come up with a plan ... and we'll get through it, all right? (Anya nodding, creaking noises continue) We'll do something. ANYA: What? XANDER: I don't know. (brushing hair out of her face) Lemme get you some water, okay? (Anya nodding) It'll cool you down. I'll be back in a second, okay? Stay here, don't move. He gets up and leaves. Anya sits there panting. Cut to the foyer. Xander comes down the stairs. Creaking noises continue. He looks around nervously. He reaches the bottom, turns toward the kitchen. Suddenly the demon emerges from the wall behind Xander and grabs him from behind. Shot of Anya sitting in the dark by herself as we hear Xander scream. Shot of Xander being held around the middle, arms pinned to his sides, with the sword at his throat. Shot of Spike hearing, running toward the noise. ANYA: Xander? Xander struggles with the demon. Spike rushes in, grabs the demon's sword arm and tries to pull it away. But he can't, so instead he knuckle-punches the demon in the ribs. The demon growls and hits Spike with his elbow. Spike goes down. The demon throws Xander aside. He hits the wall and crouches there. Buffy rushes in, still holding the dagger. The demon turns to attack her. She ducks a sword-thrust. The demon kicks her dagger hand, and the dagger goes flying. The demon whirls around with the sword, slicing Xander's arm. Then turns back to Buffy. BUFFY: Grab the sword! She kicks the demon and ducks another swing as Spike gets up and grabs the demon's sleeve, punches it in the face. The demon flings Spike back and he goes down yet again. Buffy grabs the demon's arms and kicks him in the stomach. He reels back and melts into the wall again. Spike gets up on his elbows and both he and Buffy watch the demon disappear. BUFFY: Are you hurt? Shot of Xander on the floor, groaning in pain. BUFFY: Here, let me see. Buffy takes a step forward but doesn't actually go to either of the men. ANYA: (OS) Xander. Xander looks up. Anya stands at the foot of the stairs staring at him. Xander gets painfully to his feet and goes to Anya. XANDER: It's okay. I'm okay, see? Shh. He strokes her face gently and leans his forehead against hers. XANDER: (whispers) It's all right. I'm okay. Shot of Buffy watching this wistfully. Fade to later. Buffy comes around a corner from the dining room to the foyer, and finds Dawn standing against a wall. Creaking noises continue. BUFFY: It's getting kinda scary. You okay? DAWN: (sullen, not looking at Buffy) Do you care? BUFFY: (exasperated) Fine. Stay with Spike. Buffy walks off. Cut to upstairs. Buffy walks into her bedroom. Dawn comes in behind her. DAWN: It's not like I meant for this to happen. BUFFY: I never said that you did. DAWN: I didn't want this. Buffy turns to face her. BUFFY: What did you want? DAWN: (softly) Nothing. BUFFY: Dawn, come on. DAWN: No. You don't know! You have this thing you do. You have all these friends. (softly) You have no idea what it's like. BUFFY: What are you talking about? I don't know what, what- DAWN: Being alone! BUFFY: You're not alone! DAWN: Then why do I feel like this? Cut to the dining room. Tara and Spike standing next to each other. TARA: I just think we haven't thought of the right way out yet, that's all. Reveal Xander and Willow standing nearby, and Anya sitting at the dining-room table. SPIKE: Well, we can't just stay put like cattle, waiting for that thing to pop out every time it gets peckish. TARA: I'd say we do another spell, but I, I think we've tried everything. ANYA: Well ... that's not completely true, is it? (Tara frowning) I mean, not everything. (looks at Willow) Not exactly. (Willow looking nervous) We're sitting here with an incredibly powerful witch ... much more powerful than you, Tara, I'm sorry ... only no one seems willing to say it. WILLOW: I can't. ANYA: No, see, that's not exactly true either. (angrily) Not can't, won't. WILLOW: You don't know how much I hate this. I don't know if there's even ... anything I could do. ANYA: Yes ... and a good way to find out is to sit around and try nothing. That was sarcasm, by the way. SPIKE: Look- WILLOW: It's dangerous. ANYA: And so is all of us dying! XANDER: Will ... look, I don't wanna gang up on you ... but Anya kinda has a point. (Willow looking anxious) We brought you back from it once. We're all here, it's just one little spell, (Spike shaking his head) whatever happens, we can bring you back again. WILLOW: (firmly) No. I can't. (to Anya) If I start, I ... I might not be able to stop. ANYA: And whose fault is that? (stands up, walks toward Willow) You know, if you hadn't gotten so much of this in your system in the first place- TARA: Hey! You're gonna back off! Tara gets in between Willow and Anya, faces Anya down. TARA: She said no, and that's it. You're not gonna make her do something that she doesn't want to. And if you try... (folds arms across her chest) You're gonna have to go through me first. Understood? Anya glares at her. ANYA: Fine. If you all aren't willing to get us out of this, then I will do it myself. Anya walks past the witches and goes up the stairs. Shot of Sophie and Clem sitting on the sofa, watching Anya. Then exchanging a look. Cut to Buffy's bedroom. Buffy and Dawn sit on the bed side-by-side. BUFFY: I wish you would have told me. DAWN: You haven't really been... BUFFY: What? I haven't been what? DAWN: Around. BUFFY: Dawn ... the most important job that I have ... is looking out for you. DAWN: (small smile) You sound like my guidance counselor. She give you a handbook or something? 'Talkin' to the Troubled Teen'? BUFFY: (frowning) Counselor? DAWN: It wasn't my idea. I didn't even know we had guidance counselors. She called me out of class like I was a total J.D. BUFFY: And you'd ... never met her before? DAWN: No, not until yesterday. BUFFY: And ... she got you to start talking about things that bothered you at home? DAWN: (uncertain) Uh ... yeah? BUFFY: You didn't, by any chance, happen to ... express like a, a wish, or-or something, to her? DAWN: (nervous) Um ... maybe just a little. Sound of thumping and crashing. Dawn and Buffy look up, both jump up. Cut to Dawn's room. Anya is pulling books and stuff off the shelves. XANDER: Honey, come on, this isn't the way, calm down. ANYA: (still searching) She knows something. She knows something, we have to find out what it is. Anya begins looking through the drawers of Dawn's desk. Dawn and Buffy enter. DAWN: Hey! XANDER: Ahn, just stop for a second. ANYA: There's gotta be a clue in here somewhere. DAWN: Stop it! Dawn starts forward, but Buffy stops her. BUFFY: Anya, it wasn't her fault. Anya picks up a small red box from the desk. DAWN: No! Anya opens the box and Dawn's stash of stolen jewelry falls out onto the floor. Anya stares in shock, bends down to look. Xander, Buffy, and Dawn stare in varying degrees of surprise and dismay. ANYA: Half this stuff is from the Magic Box. Anya picks up a few things, then picks up the entire handful, straightens up and glares at Dawn. ANYA: How could you do this? Buffy looks at Dawn, who looks upset and goes running out of the room. Anya follows, then Buffy and Xander. Cut to downstairs. Dawn comes running down the stairs with the others in pursuit. ANYA: I work hard at that store, and I helped you! (grabs Dawn's arm, turns her around) I took care of you. This is how you say 'thank you'? Buffy comes up beside Anya. BUFFY: Anya, hold on, okay? (to Dawn) Tell her you didn't do this. Tell her it's a mistake. Suddenly Buffy spots something over by the sofa. She looks shocked, walks that way. DAWN: (anguished) No! Buffy walks over, stares down at the box holding the black leather jacket that Dawn gave her. BUFFY: Oh. (looking at Dawn) DAWN: (upset) Buffy... ANYA: How are we supposed to trust you, Dawn? I mean, you ... you say you didn't put us here, but look at this stuff! How are we supposed to believe you? Shot of all the others gathering around. BUFFY: Look, I-I don't think she- I don't think it's all her fault, okay? She ... there was a guidance counselor, or someone pretending to be a guidance counselor, she, she made Dawn make a wish. ANYA: Guidance counselor? You made a wish to someone you've never seen before? DAWN: (nervous) Yeah? ANYA: Did she wear a pendant with a, with a dark blue stone? DAWN: And little red flecks? ANYA: Uhh, for crying out loud. (yells) Halfrek! (to Dawn) It's Halfrek, a vengeance demon. You made a wish to a vengeance demon. DAWN: I didn't know. ANYA: Only a vengeance demon can break her own vengeance spell. Nothing else will work. She's the only one who can get us out of here. (yells) Hallie, get your ass down here! Halfrek materializes just behind Anya, in a puff of smoke. HALFREK: (deep resonant voice) You rang? Anya turns toward her. Suddenly Halfrek gasps and looks down. Close shot of Halfrek's stomach with the end of a sword protruding out of it. Close on Halfrek's face as she collapses to the floor, revealing the demon standing behind her. Close on Buffy staring in horror. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the same scene. The demon attacks Buffy who grabs his hands and then punches him. Anya punches him from behind as well, distracting him. ANYA: (punching) I hope you die, you stupid jerkface! The last punch sends him reeling back. He swings his sword and Anya leaps on him from behind, struggling with his sword arm while Buffy kicks him in the stomach. Spike leaps into the fray too, grabbing the demon from behind. The demon flings Anya off, she lands on the sofa. He flings Spike off too and swings the sword around randomly. Buffy ducks, watching for an opening. XANDER: Anya! Xander ducks under the sword swings and runs over to the sofa. The demon hits Buffy in the face and she reels back. Spike attacks again, distracting the demon so Buffy can kick him. The demon falls to the floor and melts into it, disappearing. The demon immediately reappears behind Spike, who grabs his sword arm. The demon drops the sword. Spike continues holding his arm and kicking him. SPIKE: The sword! Buffy picks the sword up off the floor as Spike continues struggling with the demon. Spike gives him a kick in the stomach and he reels backward as Buffy attacks with the sword. The demon turns and runs into the wall, disappearing into it. Buffy thrusts the sword into the wall where he went. The same blue light appears, suffusing everything as the others watch. The demon roars angrily. Close on the sword as the blue light fades and the hole in the wall closes up, the demon once again trapped in the sword. Buffy pulls the sword out of the wall and breaks it in two over her knee, causing one last flare of blue light. She throws the two halves down. Buffy looks over at Halfrek, who lies on the floor not moving. ANYA: Her pendant! Get her pendant! Anya and Buffy rush toward Halfrek. But before they reach her she sits up and puts out her hand toward Anya, who goes flying backward onto the sofa again. Buffy stares. HALFREK: (normal voice) There will be no touching of the pendant. Halfrek gets to her feet and brushes herself off, as everyone stares at her in surprise. HALFREK: What? (laughs) Did you think I'd be stopped by a sword in the chest? She looks down at her chest, pulls at her blouse so we can see the rip in it. HALFREK: Flesh wound. (Anya getting up) Honestly, Anyanka, you used to know better. ANYA: (coming closer) How could you? Why would you do this? HALFREK: I told you I was going to take care of some business while I was here in town. ANYA: Yeah, but cursing us? Some of them are in the wedding party. HALFREK: I just go where I'm- Halfrek pauses, looking to her right as Spike walks up. HALFREK: (shocked whisper) William? SPIKE: (frowning) Hey, wait a minute. BUFFY: You guys know each other? Shot of Willow, Clem, Sophie, and Tara getting up and approaching slowly. Halfrek still staring at Spike, but now she snaps out of it. HALFREK: (quickly) Uh, no. (laughs) No. She fiddles with her hair nervously. SPIKE: (still frowning) Not really. Shot of Buffy looking confused. TARA: I thought vengeance demons only punished men who wronged women. HALFREK: Oh, that was Anya's little raison d'être. Most of us try to be a little more well-rounded. And actually, we prefer 'justice demon.' Okay? FYI. ANYA: Well-rounded, huh? Is that how you explain your thing for bad parents? HALFREK: Oh, it's not a thing. The children need me. ANYA: Hmm! (coughing)Daddy issues(coughing) HALFREK: Sling all the little barbs at me that you want, Anyanka, it doesn't change the fact that this girl was in pain, (pointing at Dawn) and none of you could hear it. (Dawn looks down) I could hear her crying out everywhere I went in this town. (Anya looking guilty) It was unbearable. And none of you knew. Halfrek looks at Buffy, shaking her head. Buffy looks upset. HALFREK: You people deserve to be cursed. (shot of the others listening) Enjoy your time together. From now on ... all you have is time. (to Anya) Time ... and each other. Good luck! Shot of Spike frowning. Shot of Buffy looking upset. Shot of the others watching. Dramatic music swells. Halfrek makes a dramatic motion with both arms, but does not disappear. She looks surprised. HALFREK: Wait ... (nervous laugh) Wait. Shot of Buffy looking surprised. Shot of Spike raising his eyebrows. HALFREK: (muttering to herself) Time, and each other. Dramatic music. Dramatic arm gesture. Halfrek again fails to disappear. She looks annoyed. ANYA: (rolling her eyes) It's the curse, Hallie. HALFREK: Oh, for crying out loud. Fine, the curse is lifted! We can all leave now! ... Damn it. She snaps her fingers and disappears. Everyone else looks relieved and excited. Spike looks over at Buffy, who just looks pensive. Cut to the kitchen. Tara is packing remnants of herbs into plastic baggies while Willow watches. WILLOW: Thanks ... for before. And, and for taking this stuff with you. TARA: (nodding) No problem. WILLOW: Just so you know, I-I was never ... gonna use it. I mean, not really, I ... I just kept it like a safety net. 'Cause ... there was always this ... thing in the back of my head. This, you know, voice, saying, like, 'what if things get bad, I mean really bad? And what if you can't handle it?' A-and it made me panic, so ... that's why I kept a couple of things. I ... kept them so I-I didn't have to think about it, so I could focus on ... on getting better. TARA: I get it. I-I really do. But it's time to work without the net, Will. (Willow looking anxious) You know, I don't know if you noticed, but it actually did get bad in there. Really bad, and ... and you still said no. Tara smiles, goes back to her task. Willow slowly begins to smile too. Cut to the foyer. Anya and Xander come down the stairs, supporting Richard between them. Richard grimaces in pain. The others all gather around. RICHARD: You have some weird friends. XANDER: News from the file marked 'duh.' (to Buffy) We're gonna get him to the E.R. (Buffy nodding) ANYA: And then we're gonna talk about payment. And Dawnie, there are two words I want you to get used to... Shot of Dawn looking nervous. ANYA: (OS) Punitive damages. BUFFY: (to Spike) Think it's worn off? SPIKE: Just one thing to do. Spike walks toward the door. Everyone watches him anxiously. He takes hold of the doorknob, looks around at the others, opens the door with a flourish. Xander smiles happily. He and Anya begin carrying/helping Richard out. Willow, Tara, Sophie, and Clem follow excitedly. Cut to outside. Xander and Anya, with Richard supported between them, emerge onto the porch. The others are close behind. ANYA: Okay, who's pushing? They all start down the stairs. TARA: Wow, look at the stars! CLEM: (turning back to give Buffy a thumbs-up) Good party! Buffy remains in the foyer, giving a wry smile at Clem's remark. XANDER: (OS) I just wanna run barefoot on the grass so I can feel the dew-drops between my... God, look at the stars! Spike gives Buffy a similar wry smile, then turns and walks out as well. Shot from inside, pointing out the front door at the group as they walk down the path to the street. Shot from outside, pointing in the front door as only Dawn and Buffy are left. Buffy walks forward, goes over to the doorway. Dawn turns and follows, stands a little ways behind Buffy, watching her sadly. Buffy looks at Dawn. Shot from outside. Buffy takes hold of the door and closes it. Dawn's face slowly breaks into a smile as the closing door hides them from our view. Blackout.
doc_262	THE BRAIN OF MORBIUS BY: "ROBIN BLAND" (TERRANCE DICKS REWRITTEN BY ROBERT HOLMES) Part One Running time: 25:25 [SCENE_BREAK] SOLON: You were quick, Condo. Were there no survivors? CONDO: One, an oxygen breather. SOLON: Humanoid? Excellent. Let me see. SOLON: No, that won't do. Even if the ganglia could be. No, the cranium's too narrow, the cerebrum undeveloped. That is an insect! Even a half-witted cannibal like you can see it won't do! CONDO: But the big head's not come, master. Not to Karn. SOLON: It must, Condo. One day, a true humanoid species, warm blooded, with a central nervous system. One such specimen, just one, and I can complete my work here. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Come out, meddlesome, interfering idiots. I know you're up there so come on out and show yourselves! DOCTOR: Messing about with my TARDIS. Dragging us a thousand parsecs off course. SARAH: Oi, have you gone potty? Who are you shouting at? DOCTOR: The Time Lords, who else? Now, you see? You see? They haven't even got the common decency to come out and show their ears. SARAH: They're probably afraid of getting them boxed, the way you're carrying on. DOCTOR: It's intolerable. I won't stand for any more of it. SARAH: Oh look, why can't it have just gone wrong again? DOCTOR: What? SARAH: The TARDIS. DOCTOR: What? Do you think I don't know the difference between an internal fault and an external influence? Oh, no, no, no. There's something going on here, some dirty work they won't touch with their lily white hands. Well, I won't do it, do you hear! SARAH: There's something ominous. Where are we, do you think? DOCTOR: I don't know and I don't really care. SARAH: Oh, come on. Come on, stop being so childish. DOCTOR: I'm just going to sit here and do nothing. SARAH: So there. DOCTOR: Yes. SARAH: Look, Doctor. Oh, come on, have a look at it. I mean, you don't know what you might be missing. Well, do you know what it is? DOCTOR: Yes. Ejection bubble. SARAH: A what? DOCTOR: A space parachute. SARAH: Pardon? SARAH: Hey, Doctor, quick. Come and look at this! There must be about a dozen wrecked spaceships out there. It's like the Sargasso Sea. DOCTOR: Fancy. SARAH: It's incredible. I mean, why should they all have crashed here? DOCTOR: I've no idea. SARAH: Well, I think you should take a look. Coming? DOCTOR: No, thanks. I'm just going to sit here and practise my double loops. SARAH: Well, please yourself. I'm going anyway. Are you sure? DOCTOR: Yes. SARAH: I suppose it was the crash? DOCTOR: Not the crash. Afterwards. SARAH: After? So it was deliberate? DOCTOR: Looks as if he escaped in the ejection bubble, and while he was wandering around dazed someone or something attacked him. Poor Mutt. SARAH: Mutt? DOCTOR: Yes, a mutant insect species. Widely established in the Nebula of Cyclops. I thought I recognised the stars. SARAH: You've been here before? DOCTOR: I was born in these parts. SARAH: Near here? DOCTOR: Well, within a couple of billion miles, yes. SARAH: Hey, look! SARAH: Come on. At least it's civilisation. SARAH: Oh god. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] SOLON: Motor reflexes seven tenths. SOLON: Condo! Condo, fetch some lamps. SOLON: Condo! [SCENE_BREAK] MAREN: Two of them? OHICA: A male and a female, Maren, in the valley below. MAREN: Our senses reach beyond the five planets. They were not OHICA: They are here. MAREN: No ship can approach Karn without detection. Even the silent gas dirigibles of the Hoothi are felt in our bones while still a million miles distant. OHICA: There was no ship, Maren. The last was the cruiser of the Mutts. MAREN: Then how? How, Ohica? OHICA: I do not know. I say only what my eyes have seen. MAREN: Is it as I feared? For months now I have had a dream that the Elixir of Life would be taken from us. OHICA: Taken? MAREN: Next to myself, Ohica, you are the oldest of our sisterhood. Come, let me show you. OHICA: The Flame of Life! Maren, what is wrong? Why is it so low? MAREN: The Flame dies, Ohica. Every month, every day, it sinks lower. OHICA: How can this be? At our ceremonies the Flame has burned brightly, higher than my shoulder. MAREN: A deception. For many months past, before each ceremony, I have secretly fed the Flame with powdered Rine Weed. OHICA: But if the Flame dies, there will be no more Elixir. MAREN: It has been low now for over a year. The vessel remains empty. OHICA: Then we are doomed. Our sisterhood will perish. MAREN: We are only servants of the Flame. If the Flame dies, then so must we. OHICA: Maren, should not the others know? MAREN: Not until the end is certain. As you know, Ohica, the secret of the Life Elixir is known only to our sisterhood and the High Council of the Time Lords. Since the time of the stones we have shared the Elixir with them. Now there is none to share. MAREN: The few phials that are left I have kept for ourselves. But for months I have felt the Time Lords would come to rob us of these last precious drops. OHICA: You think the two I saw have been sent to steal the Elixir? MAREN: If that is so, we must deal with them. Summon our sisters. We will form a circle. [SCENE_BREAK] SOLON: Where have you been? CONDO: Master. SOLON: I asked you, you stupid ox, where have you been? CONDO: I go find food, master. SOLON: You're lying. You can't deceive me, Condo. You've been looking for that arm again, haven't you. I've told you before. You get the arm back when our task here is finished. You serve me well and I'll put it back as neatly as I took it off. But if you fail me, you'll keep this for the rest of your life. Do you understand? CONDO: Yes, master. CONDO: The door. Somebody ring. SOLON: Answer it, you fool. DOCTOR: Can you spare a glass of water? SARAH: Can we come in? SOLON: Humans. At last. Humans! SOLON: My dear sir. My dear, dear sir. You have no idea what a pleasure this is. It's so long since we've. Condo, take their clothes. SARAH: Well, if we could just shelter for a while, that would be fine. SOLON: Great heavens, you can't go walking on a night like this. I wouldn't dream of letting you proceed one step further. Condo, stir yourself. Our guests are cold and tired and wet and. Let me take your hat, sir. There. Oh. What a magnificent head. SARAH: What? SOLON: Superb head. DOCTOR: Well, I'm glad you like it. I have had several. I used to have an old grey model before this. Some people liked it. SARAH: I did. SOLON: What? DOCTOR: I said, some people liked it, but I prefer this model. SOLON: Forgive me. What a surly host you must think me. Please, come in, come in. Make yourselves at home. Warm yourselves and sit down. Condo, pour the wine. SARAH: Oh, it's very kind of you. Thank you. SOLON: Not at all, not at all. It's an honour to offer you whatever comforts my humble abode can provide. As you see, the amenities here are rather antiquated. SARAH: Oh, no, I think it's very DOCTOR: Interesting. SARAH: Oh, yes, yes. SOLON: Well then, tell me, tell me about your adventures. SOLON: It's so rare that anyone arrives here on Karn. DOCTOR: Karn, is it? I should have known. SOLON: You mean you arrived here without knowing? SARAH: Oh well, we often go on a sort of mystery tour, don't we, Doctor? Doctor? DOCTOR: You seem very keen on heads, Mister er. SOLON: Solon. DOCTOR: Mister Solon. SOLON: Mehendri Solon. DOCTOR: It's very good. SOLON: Yes, I. Modelling is one of my hobbies, you know, but unfortunately this is not a very good example. DOCTOR: Oh no, I thought I recognised the face. SOLON: No. DOCTOR: No? SOLON: You made a mistake. DOCTOR: Talking of heads, or their absence, we found a headless body lower down the mountain. SOLON: How distressing. DOCTOR: Yes, it was. SOLON: It must have been from one of those crashed spacecraft, no doubt. DOCTOR: Yes, that's another thing. How many did we count, Sarah? SARAH: Fifteen. DOCTOR: Fifteen. The wreckage of fifteen ships all in this one area. SOLON: There's a belt of magnetic radiation. DOCTOR: Magnetic radiation? SOLON: Oh, I don't know anything about it, but I believe that is the theory. In fact, Karn has become quite notorious. SOLON: Ah, here we are. Now, let's hope that Condo has brought something special. Thank you. Condo, how many times have I told you the wine must be opened and allowed to breathe. DOCTOR: Oh, please, please. SOLON: No, no, no. So would you please do as you've been instructed? Hurry. SOLON: He's an excellent fellow, very devoted to me, but his intelligence is not the highest. SARAH: What happened to his arm? SOLON: Oh I, er, many years ago I dragged him from the wreck of a Dravidian starship and his arm? Well, amputation was the only way of saving his life. [SCENE_BREAK] SISTERS: Flame. Sacred fire. Sacred Flame. Sacred fire. SISTERS: Sacred. MAREN: I see it. SISTERS: Flame. MAREN: I see the machine of our enemy. SISTERS: Sacred fire. Sacred Flame. MAREN: Concentrate, sisters. More power! SISTERS: Sacred fire. MAREN: Bring the machine here. SISTERS: Sacred Flame. Sacred fire. Sacred Flame. Sacred fire. Sacred Flame. Sacred fire. Sacred Flame. Sacred fire. Sacred MAREN: Enough. Enough. It is done. MAREN: I was right, Ohica. It is a time machine. OHICA: Of the kind MAREN: A TARDIS. Only the Time Lords know the secret of such machines. OHICA: Then the one I saw is a Time Lord. MAREN: Sent here to steal the Elixir. OHICA: Maren, what can we do? Alone among all the races in our galaxy, the Time Lords are our equals in mind power. MAREN: That is true, Ohica. Other races we can destroy from within. We can place death in the centre of their beings, send them mad with false visions. But with this one such powers would have no effect. He would close his mind to us. OHICA: Then we are lost! MAREN: There are other ways. But first we must find him. Form a circle, sisters. SISTERS: Sacred fire. Sacred Flame. [SCENE_BREAK] SOLON: One never really overcomes the nostalgia for one's planet of origin. Sometimes at night I look up at the sky and I think, will I ever see Earth again? SARAH: I know the feeling. DOCTOR: What made you settle on Karn? SOLON: Well, nobody lives here. Nobody bothers me. I can get on with my work. SARAH: What kind of work is that? DOCTOR: Microsurgical techniques into tissue transplant. It was the title of the book you published. SOLON: You know something of my history, Doctor. DOCTOR: One of the foremost neurosurgeons of your time. Considerably after your time, Sarah. Yes, your disappearance caused quite a stir. It was said by some you'd joined the followers of the cult of Morbius. SOLON: Malice. Academic jealousy. I just had to get away. [SCENE_BREAK] SISTERS: Sacred fire. Sacred Flame. Sacred fire. Sacred Flame. Sacred fire. Sacred Flame. Sacred fire. MAREN: So, our enemy thinks himself safe in Solon's castle. SISTERS: Sacred fire. Sacred Flame. [SCENE_BREAK] SOLON: You know, I always knew that one day I'd have a guest with a head for such a fine vintage. SARAH: What was that? SOLON: Oh, just a freak squall. DOCTOR: Or a telekinetic visit. SOLON: What? DOCTOR: From the Sisterhood of Karn. SOLON: What do you know of the Sisterhood? DOCTOR: I know who that reminds me of now. One of the Time Lords. Morbius. SARAH: Doctor, are you all right? DOCTOR: One of the most despicable criminally minded wretches that ever lived. SARAH: Doctor! SOLON: There are some of us who would not agree with that, Doctor. SOLON: It worked, Condo. He is ours! CONDO: We take head now? SOLON: You put that away. This will be no crude butchery. A head such as this, a head that will soon command the universe, must be taken with care and skill. Every step must be planned. Every suture, every small incision has to be perfect. This will be my great triumph, Condo. A thousand years from now, people will remember Solon's last and greatest operation. CONDO: Not last, master. Me last. SOLON: What? CONDO: Arm. You made promise. SOLON: Any third rate hack can fix an arm, but a head, the centre of the nervous system, that takes more than just skill. That takes genius. CONDO: Girl. SOLON: What girl? CONDO: Her. SOLON: Kill her. SOLON: Condo! I am anxious to get on. Now take him to the laboratory. I want to start my work. SOLON: Mind his head. [SCENE_BREAK] SOLON: A secondary cardiovascular system. So he's a Time Lord. I thought as much. That's excellent, because we have no problem of tissue rejection. CONDO: Time Lord dangerous. SOLON: What? CONDO: Much power, master. SOLON: Rubbish! The Time Lords are spineless parasites. Morbius offered them greatness once but he was betrayed and rejected. They'll pay for that mistake, Condo. These pacifist degenerates will be the first to feel the power of his revenge. SOLON: What's that for? Do you think I'm going to operate in this light? We need proper lighting and power for the instruments, so we have to repair the generators. Come. [SCENE_BREAK] SOLON: There is a lot to be done. I have to remove the Doctor's brain before I can start the operation. Hurry! [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: (quietly) Doctor? Is that you? SARAH: Oh, Doctor, wake up.
doc_263	SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Mines. [SCENE_BREAK] (Men whistling "Heigh-Ho") Grumpy: Our yield's way down, boys. I know Dopey's a tree, but we got to be more productive since he can't. Happy: He's producing oxygen. (Laughter) Grumpy: Hey. Let's stay focused. Emma: Yes. No one wants a nasty surprise. Grumpy: You're not getting any dust, sister. Emma: Actually, I'm shopping for something else today. Something with... edge. Happy: My axe. Emma: Oh, Happy, there's something I learned as the Dark One. If your name is on something, hold on to it. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Merlin's tower. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: If we're going to free Merlin, we need witchbane. Belle: Yeah, but the labels are all faded. Emma: Forget the decloaking potion. It's not a glamour anyway. Regina: You sure? Mary Margaret: If I'm getting this right, the tree could actually be him transfigured, right? Belle: We could find out with a sample. Regina: Yeah, and when we snap off a twig and it turns into a finger, who's crying then? Come on, someone. Witchbane. Emma: You guys sure you don't want me to just wiggle my nose and get him out of that tree? Mary Margaret: No. Regina: Your magic is dark now. It's not worth it. I'll just keep pretending to be the savior destined to free him, and we can do this together. David: Regina's right, Emma. Arthur: I heard someone say a woman is right. That's always a safe assumption, isn't it, David? King Arthur: How are you progressing, Madame Savior? Regina: Um... progress. Slow but sure. Belle: It's, uh... marvelous having Merlin's own books to work with. It's like talking with the master. Mary Margaret: Oh. What if we could talk to him? Emma: What? Regina: Yes. (Chuckles) You are... very occasionally... a genius. Belle: Yes, if we talked to him, he can tell us how to get him out. David: A mushroom. Regina: Toadstool, actually. Deadly poison. Extremely useful in communicating across barriers, even through spells. Says here it's called the Crimson Crown. King Arthur: Yes, I know this name. It's rumored to grow in Brocéliande, the Forest of Eternal Night. Its existence is the stuff of legend, though. Almost certainly fiction. David: People say the same thing about us. How far? King Arthur: A half day's ride. But if it is there, it'll be protected by magical forces. Mary Margaret: You know what, David? Wait until we know more. David: It's not like I'm needed here. It's a chance. Mary Margaret: Oh. Aww. David: I'm taking it. (Indistinct conversations) King Arthur: Hold! David: Your Majesty. Don't try to talk me out of this. King Arthur: I wouldn't dream of it. I just wanted to propose, Prince David, if it's quite all right with you, that I come along and lend aid. Come with me and we can get ourselves outfitted, and then we can quest together as brothers. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Sheriff's station. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: This question mark... That's my handwriting. I must've marked this page in Camelot. I don't know if this is the right answer, but these books came from there. I think we were looking at this for answers. Grumpy: We've been violated! David: What's the problem? Grumpy: What do you think it is? Your kid. Happy: She took my axe. Regina: Uh, dwarfs are your department. I'll stay on this. Mary Margaret: What do you want us to do about it, Leroy? Grumpy: Help us. We know she's your daughter, but you got to do something, 'cause if you won't, we will. Mary Margaret: Do not hurt her. David: It's okay. They can't. Grumpy: Like that's all that matters? Stop being a scared parent. Be our sheriff again. We need you. David: I'll see about getting the axe back. Thanks for letting us know. Grumpy: Looks like just another insult for us to swallow down. For now. (Sighs) (Indistinct conversations) Mary Margaret: Why does she need an axe? That's alarming, right? David: I don't know. I mean, what could she do with an axe that she couldn't just do with her powers? (David kicks a chair) Mary Margaret: David! David: Just wish she'd talk to us. Mary Margaret: I know. Me, too. David: Worst part is... we can't save her. Mary Margaret: Yet. We're trying. David: How? What am I doing? Mary Margaret: You're leading. David: Nobody seems to be following. Mary Margaret: Oh, don't worry about the dwarfs. David: I'm not. I'm worried about Emma and how this is my fault. Mary Margaret: She made the choice to save everyone. David: I should've stopped her. I am her father, and now I'm... I'm paralyzed. There's nothing I can do, for her, for you, for anyone. Mary Margaret: You are doing something. You are helping our people the best you can. David: That's kind of the problem. Mary Margaret: Hey. In any world, you are my hero. Remember? David: Of course. Go. I've got it. (Door opens) King Arthur: Good morning to you, Sheriff. David: Your Majesty. How can I help you? Any luck finding your blade? King Arthur: No luck finding Excalibur, I'm afraid, but I'm coming to you with something far more urgent. Our reliquary's been robbed. David: I'm sorry, your what? King Arthur: Magical relics collected by the Knights of the Round Table. They're all very precious. I had no idea it was here until it turned up in this land nearly empty. David: When you say precious... King Arthur: There was a magic bean inside. This bean can take my people home in an instant. I have to tell you I will find it if I have to search every residence in your city. David: You don't have to do anything alone. King Arthur: You can help? David: I'll get you back to Camelot. I promise. King Arthur: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Emma's house. Basement. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma goes to swing the dwarf axe at the Stone of Destiny which is holding Excalibur.) Darkness: A dwarf axe. Now, that's a creative path to failure. Emma: Dwarf axes cut through everything. Darkness: Nothing cuts through magic. Except maybe a kiss. Have you thought about kissing it out? (Laughs as the axe breaks on the stone) Darkness: You're running out of options, deary. You see, we want you to, uh, snuff out the light. So, we need a hero to pull Excalibur from the stone. Now... and let's face facts that's not gonna be you. So, why don't you stop messing around and go get the hero we need? Oh, and, uh, you and I both know who that is. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Merlin's tower. [SCENE_BREAK] (Sighs) Robin Hood: It's all right. You'll get it. Perhaps it's time for a spot of tea. Calm nerves lead to clear thoughts. Regina: You're here so I can keep an eye on you, mute handmaiden. I don't need you rolling your eyes at me. We need to clear the air. Fine. (Whoosh) Zelena: Ah! (Laughs) Oh, there you are, my lovely voice. It's so... light and feminine. Regina: Enough. Now... let's have a little chat about you trying to escape back to Oz. Zelena... you know you can't take that child away from Robin. Zelena: Can you blame me? You're going to take it from me. This child could be my only chance for someone to truly love me, and... you got a second chance. Why can't I? Regina: Oh, I'm sorry. But you've had a second chance and a second second chance. You can't keep painting yourself as a victim. It's absurd. Zelena: You can tell me that life is fair all you want. All I can tell you is that from in here, I'm still seeing one sister with all the toys... (whoosh) Regina: Be quiet and listen for once in your life. Zelena: (Stomps foot) Regina: You forgot who I am. The Evil Queen. I can be a far greater nightmare than you can possibly imagine. But now... my gift to you is a promise. I will make sure your baby is fine and loved and safe. Just as I promise... The same will certainly not hold for you. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. The Round Table. [SCENE_BREAK] David: Wow. King Arthur: I like to be prepared. David: Is that... Percival chair? King Arthur: Yes. But no need for more apologies. A leader does what needs to be done. I'll find a man worthy to fill that seat. (Arthur gestures to the tallest chair at the table.) King Arthur: This is the one that will stand empty forever. David: I assume that was your chair. Suitable for a king. King Arthur: No. Mine is no different than the others in the same way that the table is round. Many of our order are kings and princes in their own realms. Nonetheless, happy to sit shoulder to shoulder with the rest of their knights. No one of us above the other. Except for this one. This is the Siege Perilous. Reserved for the knight with the purest heart, the one destined to carry out the most sacred quests. Belonged to a man I trusted more than a brother. But he betrayed me. It's been vacant since. David: Lancelot. King Arthur: You've heard of him. David: Well, all of you are kind of legends. King Arthur: Really? I shudder to think what our tale must be. David: Oh, only one of the greatest romances of all time. Your love for Guinevere was ripped away by your best friend, Lancelot. It's a tragic story that clearly had a happy ending. The two of you seem like all that's in the past now. King Arthur: Yes. Lancelot was a good man. The situation was difficult. David: I understand. Actually, Snow... Mary Margaret and I, we met him. King Arthur: You did? How is he? David: I'm... very sorry to tell you this, but we... learned that he died. I'm sorry. King Arthur: Lancelot failed to resist temptation, but he was a good knight. He tortured himself for his sins far more than I would've done. I wished him happy. Just not with my wife. (Door opens) Arthur: (Clears throat) (Trunk thuds) King Arthur: Careful. This... is our reliquary, containing our sacred magical items our knights have recovered. David: I've never seen magic like that. King Arthur: It's the Unquenchable Flame. Said to be part of the burning bush itself. This will light our path, and where we're going, we're gonna need it. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Camelot camp. [SCENE_BREAK] Squire: The reliquary, Your Majesty. David: So, you're the one who found this broken into? Any theories? Squire: Me? Oh, well, um... everyone speaks of the Dark One in this place. Perhaps... King Arthur: Stop being a fool, man. David: Arthur, to be honest, she did take a dwarf axe. King Arthur: And, as you're about to say, the Dark One doesn't need tools. This lock was pried open. You can see the scratches. David: You're right. King Arthur: This is your land. What are you thinking? David: I'm thinking I may not know who did this. But I think I have a good idea of what their next move will be. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Granny's. [SCENE_BREAK] Hook: Ah, I know that look. Button on the top turns it on. Robin Hood: I know how to use a phone. Hook: What's that, then? Robin Hood: It's a picture from up inside Zelena. Hook: Whoa, mate. Robin Hood: No, n-no. It's of the baby. They... they call it a sonogram. Hook: Oh. Mixed emotions, I bet. Robin Hood: (Sighs) I mean, I know it's painful for Regina. Her evil sister carrying my child. It's painful for me. And yet there's some part of me that can't help but feel happy. It's my child. And I sure don't want Regina to know that. I don't want her to misconstrue my happiness for, well... Hook: You got yourself a complex situation there, that's for sure. Robin Hood: Hmm. Unlike your simple love life. Hook: Ha. About that. She's not the same. Her new house, there's a door in there that she doesn't want me anywhere near. What do you suppose she's hiding? I was thinking that may... Granny: Order up. Hook: Order? I didn't order anything. Robin Hood: What does it say? Hook: "Meet me on your ship. Emma." Robin Hood: You're right. Things are complicated all over. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Jolly Roger (the real Lady Washington) at the docks. [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook enters the cabin.) (Floor creaks) Hook: That's not funny appearing like that. Emma: Sorry. Hook: What's going on? Emma: I know this has all been really confusing and I have not made it any easier. I wanted to apologize for overreacting last time. I know you're just trying to help. So, I thought... We could just talk and have lunch, like old times. Hook: I'd like nothing more. But this is hardly like old times. (Hook sets the bag of food down on the table, which is transformed into a banquet with a checkered table cloth. Emma is now in her pink dress, with her undyed blonde hair in a pony tail.) Emma: Better? Come on. You know you can trust me. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Brocéliande, the Forest of Eternal Night. [SCENE_BREAK] David: What is it, noon? You weren't kidding about eternal night. I'm glad we have a torch. King Arthur: I'm glad we sent Grif home with the horses. These woods would make him restless. David: Your squire works hard, Your Majesty. King Arthur: "And you don't thank him enough." I can hear you saying it even when you don't. You're right, though. I don't even have the excuse of ignorance. I was born a common man and I've been in service myself. David: You weren't born noble? King Arthur: (Chuckles) I'm as peasant as they come. David: Shepherd. King Arthur: Ah. (Chuckles) I can feel my backbone relaxing already. Let's stop with the "Your Majesties," shall we? David: Of course. King Arthur: As for my squire, I assure you Guin more than makes up the difference. Showering him and the others with gifts. She really is the kindest woman I've ever met. David: Sounds like my wife. When she decides you're family, she'd die for you. King Arthur: That's not to say Guin doesn't have her fierce side. With a bow and arrow, I've seen her take out the eye of a dove in flight. David: Mary Margaret could do that. She wouldn't, but she could. King Arthur: We should have a tourney. Get them to compete. David: (Chuckling) Right. 'Cause I'm sure they'd love to be pitted against each other to let us feel good about ourselves. King Arthur: Here. Then perhaps there are better ways for me to show off. David: You're a competitive man for someone with a round table. I thought the idea was you didn't want to sit above anyone. King Arthur: Someone who isn't competitive doesn't need a two-ton table to remind him to be humble. David: (Chuckles) King Arthur: I know my weaknesses. Lancelot and Guinevere weren't the only ones to blame for what happened to them. I was a difficult man to live with. But I made a conscious decision to fix things. David: I understand that. King Arthur: This way. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Brocéliande, the Forest of Eternal Night. Lake. [SCENE_BREAK] King Arthur: Look upon that, brother. David: So it is real. Crimson Crown. (Spyglass closes) (David steps on the bridge, and sinks into the water.) David: It'll never take both of us. I'll go. King Arthur: I'll wait here. Let the torch be your beacon back. David: Thank you. (Wood creaks) (Chuckles softly) (Wood cracks) (David starts to cross the bridge, and falls. Armor shines in the water.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Gold's shop. [SCENE_BREAK] David: How's he doing? Belle: Not well. David: I'm sorry. Belle: Yeah. But I-I found a healing spell in one of his old notebooks, and I've got everything put together except for one last ingredient. I, uh, I need an object that touched him when he was still a man, before he became the Dark One. David: You must have something. Belle: Well, nothing I can find. Still more to look through, though. David: You want me to get you some help? Belle: No. I'm the only one who knows this place, knows his things, and I need to keep doing something. David: Well, then we'll make this quick. Has anyone come in to pawn anything today? King Arthur: Especially a magic bean. Belle: Uh, a bean? No. No one's come in. Sorry. David: Ah, it was worth a shot. That's all right. You have something else I need. May I borrow this? (David picks up a silver chalice.) Belle: Uh, yeah. David: Good. This is gonna point us right at our culprit. King Arthur: What is it? Belle: It's not magic, though. It's just a souvenir from Doc's birthday party. It says "Doctoberfest" on it. David: I'm very well aware. Don't worry. I've got this. (Bell jingles) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Camelot camp. [SCENE_BREAK] David: Attention, subjects of Camelot! In my hand, you see the Chalice of Vengeance. There's been a theft in your encampment. (Murmuring) David: The chalice will tell me which among you is the thief. So, line up for your chance to drink from the sacred cup. (Footsteps running) (Crowd gasps, murmurs) (Horse neighs) Squire: Hyah! (King Arthur's squire rides off on his horse, and David grabs his truck to pursue. King Arthur calls shotgun.) David: Hold on! Squire: Hyah! Hyah! David: Take over! Speed is feet, direction is hand. (David climbs into the back of the truck as King Arthur takes the wheel.) (Horse neighs) David: Circle around! (Horse neighs) (Panting) (Gasping) (David uses a wooden plank as a joust to knock the squire off the horse.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Brocéliande, the Forest of Eternal Night. Lake. [SCENE_BREAK] (David cuts the mushroom from the island, while the armor underwater starts to move. The armor rises out of the water and attacks David. One armor pulls David underwater, and King Arthur saves him by pulling David up.) David: Thank you. King Arthur: Think nothing of it. It would appear you did it. Well done. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Jolly Roger (real Lady Washington). Cabin. [SCENE_BREAK] Hook: I have questions. Emma: You want to know if I'm still the same Emma. Hook: I imagine that's not a simple answer, so let's start easy. Your new house. What's behind that locked door? (Emma just looks at Hook.) Hook: You know I want to trust you, Emma. Why don't you help me? Emma: So trust me. With my powers, I could hide anything from your prying eyes, anyway. Hook: Well, you've answered my first question, too. You're not the same Emma. She didn't play games. Emma: (Clears throat) Yes. I'm different. I'm better. Hook: As the Dark One. Emma: I used to be scarred and judgmental and closed off. Took me forever to see the magic in this place. And now I... I see things clearly. I'm not scared anymore. Honestly, I'm an open book, if you're willing to take that trust step. Hook: Are you really suggesting that we move forward in a real relationship? Emma: Gold and Belle loved each other. Hook: I don't think you should use the Crocodile as your example. Emma: But think about it. He was born a coward. He didn't find true love until he was the Dark One. You told me how the man he was groveled and cried on the deck of this ship. He changed for the better, too. Hook: You're wrong. I was the villain in that little drama, Swan. He was a good man trying to keep his family together. I took this cutlass and put it to his head and taunted him. I was the only one there who's changed for the better. He became an evil, manipulative killer. Emma: Do you remember when we were in the Storybook and I taught you how to swordplay? Hook: More games. Enough, Swan! All I wanted was your honesty. But I'm done... humoring you. Answer me. And start by why you brought me here. It wasn't because this is what we used to do, because that you isn't here. You need something, Dark One. Tell me what it is. Emma: All I need is your trust. I promise. Hook: I liked you the way you were. I liked your walls. I liked being the one to break them down. Emma: The person you found inside is still me. I have a question for you for once. Do you love me? If you tell me you don't love me, I will let you go. Hook: I loved you. I guess I'm either steering home or swimming home. Tell me which. Emma: The ship's yours. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Brocéliande, the Forest of Eternal Night. Lake. [SCENE_BREAK] (Both panting) King Arthur: David, what is it? David: The toadstool. It's gone. Either the phantom knights took it, or it was lost in the bog. King Arthur: We could search for it. David: No. It's gone. King Arthur: The word "quest" means to seek, not to find. It's the seeking that matters. David: You believe that? King Arthur: Not truly, no. If the finding is what makes a difference in this world, then that's what I want. I'm sorry. David: (Laughs) My father, he drank his life away. My brother accomplished nothing but evil. There was a time I thought I'd be different. Change the world. But I just... I don't want to only be remembered as the man who kissed a sleeping princess awake 30 years ago. King Arthur: I understand. David: You do? King Arthur: (Sighs) David: You're King of Camelot. King Arthur: (Chuckles) Yes, some large rock decided I was a hero. Prophecy fulfilled. (Both chuckle) King Arthur: But since then, I've had victories and I've had losses. And I've learned that it's the losses that require us to be brave. So, if anything will make us heroes... David: It's the never giving up. Even after a loss. King Arthur: Indeed. David: Well, we might as well get out of here. There's work to be done. And it's not here. King Arthur: Good man. David, if you want to be part of something, do something that matters, I have a place for a man like you. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Camelot camp. [SCENE_BREAK] Squire: I never saw a bean. David: Just forget the bean for now. Just tell us why you took these things. Squire: I was tired of how I was being treated... How we were all being treated. Breaking our backs for him, for love of Camelot. I wanted to hurt the king. King Arthur: Grif, I had no idea. But, you see, you've hurt everyone. We need that bean to get home. Squire: I didn't see a bean, Your Majesty. King Arthur: I'm always betrayed by those closest to me. David: Look, you know this guy. Is he lying? King Arthur: I don't believe so. And of course, it is possible there was no bean if it was removed during the six weeks we can't recall. David: Okay, well, we'll find another way to get you home. King Arthur: Working together? David: Absolutely. (Chuckles softly) David: Let's go tell this guy he's gonna make his home in our cell for a little while. (David finds the Crimson Cap toadstool under the tent.) David: What's this? King Arthur: Must've fallen out when we emptied his bag. If that was in the trunk, it was added after the time we lost. David: I recognize this. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Ragina's Vault. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: That's the one in the book from Camelot. The one I found this morning. That's what we were looking for back there. Mary Margaret: But why? Regina: It's used to communicate through magical barriers. We must've been trying to communicate with Merlin. Mary Margaret: I wonder if we did. David: Let's use it. Let's find out. If we can talk to him now... Mary Margaret: He can help us save Emma from being the Dark One. David, you did it. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. The Round Table. [SCENE_BREAK] (Applause) King Arthur: I dub thee Sir David of the Enchanted Forest. Now of the Round Table. I know "Knight of the Round Table" is pale fire, indeed, next to the title of prince. David: No. I am beyond honored. King Arthur: Then rise, Sir Knight. Take your place. (David moves towards Percival's chair, but King Arthur clears throat and points to the Siege Perilous chair.) (Murmuring) David: Really? King Arthur: I never thought I'd find anyone I trust enough to fill that seat. But it's yours. It will bear your coat of arms. Not bad for a shepherd, eh? David: (Chuckles) Thank you. (Applause) (Baby crying. Mary Margaret steps outside the room with Neal, and sees a shadow move.) Mary Margaret: Someone there? Can't be. Lancelot: It is. Mary Margaret: Lancelot. We thought you were dead. Lancelot: That is a long story. But trust your eyes... it is me. And right now, my struggles don't matter. What does is that there is a terrible villain in Camelot. Mary Margaret: The Dark One. We know. It's our daughter. We're going to fix it. Lancelot: No. There's another villain. Arthur. Mary Margaret: What? Lancelot: Trust me. Camelot is not what it seems. (Applause) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. The Round Table. [SCENE_BREAK] King Arthur: Today was a difficult day. Queen Guinevere: You lied to him, to David. King Arthur: And it brought me no pleasure. He's a good man. A noble man, but I must think of my kingdom first. Queen Guinevere: Of course you must. (Sighs) King Arthur: That is always the burden of a king. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Sheriff's station. [SCENE_BREAK] Squire: Your Majesty, thank goodness you're here. I-I don't understand what's going on. I did only what you asked. I took the items, and I kept them safe. I said maybe there was a bean, even though you and I know full well there was never a bean, and I did it exactly as you said. Can you please let me out now? King Arthur: Not just yet, Grif. There may not have been a bean, but we can't have them learning that, now, can we? Squire: No. No, of course not, Your Majesty. King Arthur: They trust me now. So I must use that trust to protect my kingdom. These people may seem friendly, but they threaten everything we hold dear. David likes to imagine his quest a noble one. But his daughter is the Dark One. They lied to us in Camelot. They brought her into our castle. They are responsible for tearing us away from our home, a home we must now reclaim. Squire: But how will we ever get back without a bean? King Arthur: I'm afraid we cannot get back. That's why we must build a new Camelot here in Storybrooke. Squire: Then you can trust me to help. I would do anything for my kingdom. King Arthur: I know you would. As would I. Which is why I need you to drink this. Squire: Poison from the Agrabah vipers. But why? I won't tell these people a thing. King Arthur: Not of your own free will, but they have magic on their side. In time, they will make you talk. Squire: There must be some other way. King Arthur: I wish there was. Truly, I do. You told me you always dreamed of sitting at the round table one day. Well, now I'm offering you something greater. A chance to die in service of Camelot. Your death will be the cornerstone of a great new kingdom. If you take this. Squire: For Camelot. (Gagging) King Arthur: For Camelot. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Granny's. [SCENE_BREAK] (Bell jingles) Hook: Good, you're still here. Robin Hood: You need me? Hook: Yeah. Remember how I told you about that door in Emma's place? I want to know what's behind it. Robin Hood: I take it asking her didn't work. Hook: She's beyond that. I need a thief. Robin Hood: Former thief. Those days are behind me. Hook: Take it from a former pirate, those days are never behind you. Will you help me? (Bell jingles) Belle: Granny, have you got my lunch ready? Granny: Yeah, but, girl, you're gonna need more than that. Sit down for some real food. Belle: I can't. Oh, my god, look. (The last petal is on the stem.) Belle: Yeah, I have to get back to him. Just forget the soup. I'm sorry. Granny: Hang on, is it supposed to do that? (The rose petals start floating back into place.) Belle: What? He's waking up. (Plate shatters) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Gold's shop. [SCENE_BREAK] (Belle finds Rumple's bed empty.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Emma's house. Basement. [SCENE_BREAK] (The darkness looks at Rumple.) Darkness: You know, he doesn't look too good... if I do say so myself. Quite a stroke of luck, you finding something that touched him when he was a man. Emma: It wasn't luck. I worked hard for this. Darkness: That's true. You crushed Hook's heart even more firmly under your, uh, impractical boot heel. Emma: Quiet. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Gold's shop. [SCENE_BREAK] (Belle watches as the rose becomes whole.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Emma's house. [SCENE_BREAK] (Rumple breathes deeply and wakes up.) Mr. Gold: What do you want from me? You are the Dark One now, not me. Emma: That's right. You are not dark. You are also not light. You are nothing. Your heart is a blank slate. And that, little man, makes you useful. Because now I can make you into the last thing you ever thought you would be. A hero. And not just any hero. The purest who's ever lived. and then... (Emma looks at the Darkness, who nods eagerly. Rumple looks confused at the empty space behind the Stone of Destiny.) Emma: and then I have a job for you.
doc_264	5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. SPAR SHIP (KATARINA mutters to the Trojan Horse-god. The sound of the ship's engines start to rise...) KATARINA: Great One, don't leave us! Don't let the strange beings catch him! BRET VYON: He's been caught! We've got to leave! STEVEN: No! He said we had to... (VYON tries to operate the controls for take-off. STEVEN pulls him away.) BRET VYON: No! (He turns and knocks STEVEN to the floor, then resumes preparations for take-off.) KATARINA: Stop! You can't leave him! He can't reach the place of perfection! BRET VYON: He won't! We're going without him! (BRET activates more controls and the ship starts to power up further.) BRET VYON: We're going into countdown! (BRET looks at a countdown indicator on the control panel which nears zero...) (Suddenly STEVEN points to a light winking on the hatch panel.) STEVEN: What's that light? BRET VYON: It's the outer door! It's not fully shut. Quick, or we'll all be sucked out! (STEVEN rushes to the airlock and is pressing the switches to close the door when he sees someone outside. He yells back at BRET.) STEVEN: Hold countdown! It's the Doctor! (BRET holds the countdown sequence as STEVEN and KATARINA help the breathless DOCTOR up through the airlock and into the ship.) DOCTOR: Get us off, Bret! Get us off! Get us off! BRET VYON: Right. (He starts to resume the held countdown.) DOCTOR: Take off, man! BRET VYON: Stand by, everyone! Take off! (The airlock door closes. They all desperately grab hold of anything close as the ship rises swiftly into the air, leaving the planet of Kembel far below. The breathless DOCTOR eyes VYON with austere reproof.) DOCTOR: Oh! Oh! This is rather a violent acceleration, young man! Hmm! [SCENE_BREAK] 2: SPACE (The SPAR shoots into space...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. KEMBEL. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The DALEK SUPREME enters the DALEK control room. Normal scanners and consoles line the room which is dominated by a central piece of machinery. The DALEK SUPREME hovers in anger as the DALEKS report the readings off the consoles.) FIRST DALEK: Altitude: five sections. Speed: Three thousand. SECOND DALEK: Vessel attained gravitational escape velocity. DALEK SUPREME: Cut in automatic trackers. SECOND DALEK: All is ready for their space extinction. DALEK SUPREME: Do not destroy! That vessel must not be destroyed! SECOND DALEK: Trackers operating. DALEK SUPREME: Prepare neutronic randomiser. (The FIRST DALEK, at its console, obeys...) FIRST DALEK: Stand by randomiser. DALEK SUPREME: The intruders must be caught alive! [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. SPAR SHIP (Things have calmed down somewhat on the stolen SPAR ship.) DOCTOR: Well done, Bret, well done. You got us off very well. (He laughs to himself.) BRET VYON: Thanks. I thought you weren't going to make it. DOCTOR: Of course I was. You're far too pessimistic. Now, where's that little box of mine, hmm? (STEVEN picks up the box holding up the Taranium Core.) STEVEN: This one? DOCTOR: Yes. (The DOCTOR takes the box.) DOCTOR: Ah, splendid, splendid. The Daleks' plans are utterly useless without this. STEVEN: Why? What did you find out at the Council meeting? DOCTOR: They've allied themselves with the rulers of the outer galaxies... to take over the Universe! BRET VYON: (Shocked.) Universe? DOCTOR: Yes, their first objective being Earth and then... the solar system. STEVEN: Then we've got to warn Earth and fast! BRET VYON: But what about Mavic Chen? DOCTOR: Oh, he's one of them, my friend. By sacrificing the Solar System, he hopes to gain more power. BRET VYON: That's impossible! DOCTOR: Oh, no it isn't, no it isn't. Therefore we must get back to Earth before him. KATARINA: (Timidly.) But how can we return to Earth? We've already left it. DOCTOR: Yes, I know, my dear, but this is not Earth... as we... think of it. It's something very different. (VYON is more puzzled than ever by KATARINA and speaks quietly to STEVEN.) BRET VYON: What's the matter with this girl? I mean, where's she from? STEVEN: (Casually.) Oh, it's quite all right - she helped us in Troy. She doesn't really understand. BRET VYON: (Puzzled.) Troy? STEVEN: (Smiles.) Yes. (He rejoins his companions.) STEVEN: Well, come on, Doctor, what's so special about that box? DOCTOR: Well, as I said before, my boy, the Daleks' plans are utterly useless without this. STEVEN: (Pleased.) Then we've won! (STEVEN picks up the box and is about to open it when the DOCTOR stops him.) DOCTOR: No, no, no, no! Don't open it, please. STEVEN: Why not? DOCTOR: It'll burn your eyes - you'll go totally blind! That is a full emm of Taranium! BRET VYON: (Shocked.) What? (He steps forward.) DOCTOR: Taranium. BRET VYON: That can only be found on the planet Uranus. A full measure would take years to mine! DOCTOR: Fifty years, to be surprice... to be precise. And Mavic Chen has given this to the Daleks to complete one of the most evil weapons ever devised - their Time Destructor! [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. KEMBEL. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (ZEPHON stands before the DALEK SUPREME. MAVIC CHEN is also present, as are several other DALEKS.) DALEK SUPREME: Representative Zephon! You deny that your negligence caused the loss of the Taranium Core? ZEPHON: (Arrogantly.) Had the Daleks made full security arrangements, the invaders would not have reached this city. MAVIC CHEN: Had the master of the Fifth Galaxy been less arrogant, he would have gone with me to the meeting. Instead he preferred to keep us all waiting. ZEPHON: I believe the intruders came from the Solar System. MAVIC CHEN: Did you see them? ZEPHON: No. MAVIC CHEN: Did they speak and tell you so? ZEPHON: No. MAVIC CHEN: Then your accusation is preposterous. ZEPHON: How was it the intruders knew that the Taranium was here and that it was to be handed over, if they did not come from the Solar System? None of the others knew what it was that representative Mavic Chen was bringing here! (All eyes are now on MAVIC CHEN.) DALEK SUPREME: Have you nothing to say? MAVIC CHEN: Oh, this is absurd. Why should I arrange that fifty years be spent secretly mining to acquire this mineral - only to have it stolen? ZEPHON: The quest for power. Perhaps you wanted to use the Core for yourself! MAVIC CHEN: How? Only the Daleks know how to assemble the Time Destructor. I only provided the vital ingredient - the core. ZEPHON: (To the DALEK SUPREME.) I did not know about the Core. How could I? DALEK SUPREME: You knew about the intruders. ZEPHON: We all did. You were going to deal with them, or so you said. DALEK SUPREME: (Angrily.) Silence! It is agreed that you are guilty of negligence. (MAVIC CHEN moves and stands behind the DALEK SUPREME in a show of support.) ZEPHON: If I go, the Masters of Celation and Beaus go with me! DALEK SUPREME: (Warningly.) You threaten our unity? ZEPHON: I have nothing to say. (He turns for the door.) ZEPHON: I will leave now. (ZEPHON starts to walk from the room, but he is stopped by DALEKS closing in from each side of the doorway. ZEPHON trembles violently as he looks round for an escape route.) DALEK SUPREME: Execute! (Caught in the crossfire at close range, ZEPHON crumples to the floor. The DALEK SUPREME turns and glides to one of its subordinates at a console.) DALEK SUPREME: Where is the ship? DALEK: Course seven-oh-seven. It is approaching the influence of the planet Desperus. DALEK SUPREME: Prepare pursuit ships. Stand by randomiser. [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. SPAR SHIP (Having found special guards for their eyes, the DOCTOR, STEVEN, KATARINA and BRET VYON are looking at the Taranium. A brilliant white flare shimmers around the mineral inside the open container causing them all obvious discomfort.) STEVEN: That is Taranium? DOCTOR: Yes, the rarest mineral in the universe. STEVEN: Funny, It makes your eyes feel strange even with these on. (STEVEN indicates their eye-guards.) STEVEN: It's like looking into the sun for too long. (The DOCTOR closes the container. They all remove their glasses and rub their eyes.) DOCTOR: Oh, don't complain, young man. You're a very privileged person. Do you realise that very few people have seen this in this universe, hmm? STEVEN: All right, Doctor. But now that we've got it, what are we going to do with it? DOCTOR: Well, for the moment, nothing. STEVEN: Well, that doesn't make sense. I mean, you said yourself that the Daleks have the most dangerous weapon ever devised. DOCTOR: We have the Taranium, so for the moment we do nothing. And by doing nothing, we do everything. Do I make myself clear? (He laughs.) STEVEN: Come off it, Doctor. What's all that supposed to mean? DOCTOR: Oh, my dear young man, you ask so many questions. (He laughs and looks at KATARINA who is stood across the room looking over one of the consoles.) DOCTOR: Look at Katarina over there. She doesn't ask questions - she just looks and learns. Now, why don't you try the same thing, hmm? (The DOCTOR takes a moment to look over the control room of the SPAR.) DOCTOR: You know, I find all this extremely fascinating. Hmm! It's a little primitive, of course, but it's still very fascinating, hmm! (STEVEN tries to bring him back to the point.) STEVEN: Look, Doctor, I'm sorry, but can't we do anything? DOCTOR: Yes. (He turns to BRET at the main console.) DOCTOR: Bret, can you find me something to play a magnetic tape, hmm? BRET VYON: Yes, Doctor. Here. (He points to part of the console.) DOCTOR: Well, my dear fellow, that's magnificent. Huh, it's all so convenient, isn't it? (Laughs.) Now play that tape I gave you, before I went to the Daleks' conference. STEVEN: What tape's that? (VYON produces the capsule from his uniform pocket.) DOCTOR: Oh, I found a small tape beside a skeleton, and it, er, might be able to tell us something. (He notices KATARINA who is still looking over the control room.) DOCTOR: Er, Katarina, come over here, my child. (She does so.) DOCTOR: Now, have a look at another wonder. (KATARINA looks about her.) KATARINA: Everything is so strange. This isn't like your TARDIS. DOCTOR: No, my dear, no. STEVEN: Yes, but Doctor, surely, I mean, the Daleks aren't going to leave a tape around with their plans on it? DOCTOR: No, no, no! Bret here was searching for someone and the skeleton I found was humanoid. Well, whoever it was may have learned something that we haven't. BRET VYON: (Exclaiming.) Marc Cory! You found him? Well, Kert and I searched that jungle but we could find no trace. DOCTOR: Oh, and did you search that bearing twice, hmm? BRET VYON: How do you mean? DOCTOR: Well, it so happens that that kind of jungle is apt to lead you back to the same place more than once. BRET VYON: Yes, but we were methodical, or as methodical as the Daleks would... DOCTOR: (Interrupts, irritated.) Oh yes, no doubt you were, and I suppose I was lucky! Now play the tape. Come along, come along, stop all this talking! (YVON looks annoyed but activates the tape as instructed. It begins to play and Marc Cory's long-dead voice comes from the speaker.) MARC CORY: (On tape.) This is Marc Cory, Special Security Agent, reporting from the planet Kembel. STEVEN: You've cracked it! MARC CORY: (On tape.) The Daleks are planning the complete destruction of our galaxy. Together with powers of the outer galaxies, a war force is being assembled and... (The tape and the voice break off.) STEVEN: That's all? BRET VYON: Poor Marc. He never got through. DOCTOR: But we must! The Daleks will stop at anything... to prevent us. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. KEMBEL. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The DALEK SUPREME and a DALEK are watching the instruments that are tracking the SPAR.) DALEK: Ship now at closest point to planet Desperus. DALEK SUPREME: Operate Randomiser! [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. SPAR SHIP (On board the ship, the escapees are discussing what they should do next. A strange buzzing noise starts up, but nobody on board notices it.) DOCTOR: Yes, yes, you must find someone you can trust. Someone in a high enough position that may be able to help. BRET VYON: Well, Karlton is the man in charge of all Space Security. But he's very close to Chen. STEVEN: Yes, well, this chap Karlton, he may be part of the plan with the Daleks. BRET VYON: It's possible... DOCTOR: Yes... (Suddenly the buzzing sound increases and the ship lurches to one side. All its occupants are thrown off their balance and clutch onto the console for safety.) KATARINA: Oh, Doctor, what's happened? (The DOCTOR looks up at the scanner.) DOCTOR: I think we're changing course. (BRET VYON wrestles with the controls.) BRET VYON: The steering boosters won't fire! I can't get her round. STEVEN: Switch to manual control! BRET VYON: I can't... we're picking up speed! (The DOCTOR continues to peer at the monitor screen.) DOCTOR: You know, I believe we're approaching the... gravitational point of that planet. (He points at the screen. VYON casts a glance at the rapidly narrowing gap between them and a planet showing on the scanner.) BRET VYON: Desperus! DOCTOR: Mmm! (BRET attempts to once more master the controls.) DOCTOR: Has it any kind of atmosphere, hmm? BRET VYON: Yes, but we can't get off there, we'll never be able to get off again. STEVEN: Why not? What's wrong with it? BRET VYON: Desperus is the penal planet of the Solar System. DOCTOR: Well, if it's one of your prison planets, surely there are guards and warders there to help us? BRET VYON: They're aren't any. The only craft which stop there are prison ships, bringing other criminals. If we crash there, we'll be left there to rot the rest of our lives away. DOCTOR: You must try to land softly somewhere. BRET VYON: I can't! This vessel is out of my control! (They all look at the planet on the scanner that is growing larger and larger.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. KEMBEL. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The DALEK SUPREME glides up to several DALEKS manning controls.) FIRST DALEK: Space vessel's instruments now randomised. (Another DALEK reports.) SECOND DALEK: On course for planet Desperus. Impact in point six. THIRD DALEK: Remote control standing by. DALEK SUPREME: Cut in remote control. FIRST DALEK: Now under Dalek control. DALEK SUPREME: Reduce descent velocity. Vessel must make soft landing. FIRST DALEK: I obey. DALEK SUPREME: Pursuit ships to stand by. (MAVIC CHEN has been watching. He approaches the DALEK SUPREME.) MAVIC CHEN: A highly effective operation. May I congratulate you? DALEK SUPREME: Dalek technology is the most advanced in the Universe. MAVIC CHEN: (Slyly.) You... still haven't recovered the Taranium. DALEK SUPREME: We shall. (The DALEK SUPREMES' eye-stalk swings to look straight at MAVIC CHEN.) DALEK SUPREME: It is strange that the intruders took your space vessel. Perhaps they were indeed creatures from Earth? MAVIC CHEN: My SPAR was the last to arrive here, so consequently was in the best position to leave quickly. But to set your mind at rest, I will return to Earth now, and if I find that the intruders do come from there, they will be dealt with - quickly and without arousing any suspicion. DALEK SUPREME: Very well. A vessel similar to your own craft will be put at your disposal. MAVIC CHEN: I will return here as soon as all final preparations for the take-over are completed. DALEK SUPREME: All will be in readiness. (The DALEK SUPREME turns back to the monitors.) MAVIC CHEN: Good. We don't want any more mistakes. (CHEN stalks from the room, with an arrogant smile on his face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. SPAR SHIP (BRET VYON and STEVEN look over the controls in puzzlement.) STEVEN: We've slowed right down. BRET VYON: We're going to be able to make a soft landing. I don't understand it. DOCTOR: (Worried.) Yeah, and I'm afraid I do - only too well. STEVEN: The Daleks? (The DOCTOR nods.) STEVEN: Oh, yes. Some sort of remote control, I suppose. We'd all better prepare for landing. DOCTOR: You're quite right, my boy, quite right. BRET VYON: Well, if it's the Daleks, it can only mean one thing. DOCTOR: Yes, it means they're coming after us again. [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. DESPERUS. CAVE (NIGHT) (In a cold dank cave, three men stand looking over a crude table which has a long thin knife dug into it. KIRKSEN, whose long, light, tangled hair and beard cover his face, is the youngest. GARGE is a burly man with dark hair and a beard. BORS, also bearded, is the eldest of the three. KIRKSEN makes a grab at the knife but GARGE smashes his hand away and tries to go for it himself but BORS is quickest and grabs the weapon.) BORS: It's mine again! (He nods at two decrepit women in the corner of the cave.) BORS: And they stay where they are. GARGE: With the soft life you lead, I'll be able to beat you one day. BORS: Out on guard! GARGE: Why is it always me? BORS: I am the leader. I have the knife. Do you want to argue about it? (GARGE looks at BORS in a surly manner and then leaves the cave. BORS settles down to sleep.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. DESPERUS (NIGHT) (GARGE walks out of the cave. He starts his guard duty as, above him, he hears the screams of creatures flying in the air.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. DESPERUS. CAVE (NIGHT) (Later on, all is quiet. BORS is asleep near his women and some other prisoners but KIRKSEN is not. He notes that BORS is asleep and makes his way quietly across the cave to where the "leader" lies. He reaches for the knife but BORS wakes in an instant and grabs the young man roughly on his wrist, the knife in his other hand.) BORS: And you can build up the fire. (KIRKSEN starts to gasp in panic. He is obviously slightly deranged.) BORS: Kirksen! Like the knife, would you? Then you'd be leader. You could tell Garge what to do, like I do. You could tell me what to do! KIRKSEN: I'll get it next time! BORS: Who knows, perhaps you will. Now, get out and get the fuel. (KIRKSEN points at the women as the sound of the landing SPAR starts to be heard.) KIRKSEN: Why don't you send one of them? BORS: (Screams.) Get it! (KIRKSEN looks upwards at the sound of the ship and then looks enquiringly at BORS.) BORS: I can hear it. Now get out! Do you want one of the new lot to come here and take over our place? (GARGE has come through the entrance.) GARGE: It's no prison ship! BORS: What? GARGE: It's strange. I haven't seen one like it before. BORS: Where's it landing? GARGE: The swamp by the look of things. KIRKSEN: It's a strange ship. We can kill the crew and take over. BORS: Possibly. KIRKSEN: We can use it to get away! BORS: (Sharply.) It may be a crash landing! KIRKSEN: You can kill the crew with your knife! (KIRKSEN starts to laugh in an insane fashion.) BORS: Shut up! We'd better get over there right away. Others will have seen it too! Now, on your way! (BORS gives GARGE a shove towards the cave entrance and they move out into the darkness, carrying lighted torches.) KIRKSEN: Well, what about me? If you're leaving this filthy planet, so am I. (KIRKSEN also grabs a torch and follows them out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. DESPERUS (NIGHT) (The convicts make their way out of the cave. Above them, the creatures still cry in the darkness.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (KATARINA stands in the airlock doorway, gazing at the dark landscape outside while BRET and STEVEN try to make repairs to the ship.) DOCTOR: (To VYON.) Now, you sure you've got spare parts for this, hmm? BRET VYON: Certain - it's safety regulations. DOCTOR: Hmm! Ah, that's the worst of these... out-of-date and primitive spaceships - one little bump and they all fall to bits. BRET VYON: (Annoyed.) Doctor, what are you talking about? This is a SPAR - the most technically perfect craft in the history of space travel. DOCTOR: Oh, yes, quite so. That's why we are stranded on this pimple of a planet, whilst you footle with that fuse box, mm? STEVEN: Oh, come on, Doctor, the TARDIS isn't exactly perfect, is it? I mean, you can't even control where we're going. DOCTOR: Now, you listen to me, young man. Don't you start to criticise my TARDIS! And as for space travel, you're still wet behind the ears. Oh do get on with it, both of you! (He storms off to join KATARINA, snorting as he goes. BRET turns to STEVEN.) BRET VYON: What's the matter with Grandpa? STEVEN: (Smiling.) Oh, it's nothing. We all have our own obsessions, don't we? Now come on. (They crouch down at an inspection panel.) STEVEN: Look, do you think we're going to have enough drive-force to lift off here and get us back to Earth? BRET VYON: We've got to. Now, as the Doctor said, let's get on with it. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (Just outside the airlock door, KATARINA shivers with cold. The DOCTOR steps out and admonishes her.) DOCTOR: What are you doing out here, child? I thought I told you to keep these doors closed. (KATARINA points out into the night.) KATARINA: There are lights out there. DOCTOR: Mmm? (The distant light of three torches move through the darkness.) DOCTOR: Good gracious, so there are. Two - no - three. Yes, we must get on with the repairs to the ship and get away from here. (He laughs sardonically.) DOCTOR: Yes, those men will be vicious out there. We're liable to come under attack. (The DOCTOR surveys the area lit by the glow from the airlock.) DOCTOR: Mmm, what's that marshy ground? That's very interesting. (He laughs.) Very interesting... interesting! (They both re-enter the ship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. KEMBEL. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (A DALEK turns to the DALEK SUPREME.) FIRST DALEK: The exact location of the ship has been calculated. DALEK SUPREME: Inform the pursuit fleet. FIRST DALEK: I obey. (It turns to the communicator, but at that moment a DALEK voice comes over the speaker.) SECOND DALEK: (OOV: Over communicator.) Pursuit Fleet Commander calling control. We will land on Desperus at one hundred. DALEK SUPREME: (Into communicator.) When the Taranium is recovered, the fugitives are to be eliminated. Is that understood? SECOND DALEK: (OOV: Over communicator.) I obey. [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. DESPERUS. SWAMP (NIGHT) (BORS, KIRKSEN and GARGE soon arrive near the crash site through some trees. Reaching the soft edges of the swamp which separates them from the SPAR, they halt. They look round to see if they are alone.) KIRKSEN: We were here first. Let's go and get it! (He tries to force his way past. BORS grabs KIRKSEN'S hair.) BORS: Keep quiet! This part of the swamp is tricky. We must put out the torches. KIRKSEN: Well, what about the screamers? BORS: (Hissing.) Shut up - put out that light! (He and GARGE throw their torches into the water. KIRKSEN reluctantly does the same.) BORS: They're only bats. KIRKSEN: (Panicking.) Bats? Bats with those wings and that beak? BORS: Oh, now follow us or go back to the cave. (BORS and GARGE move gingerly along firmer ground and out of sight. KIRKSEN remains where he is, but suddenly, the Screamers attack. KIRKSEN shrieks and waving his arms over his head to ward off the Screamers as the clawed creatures swoop down. KIRKSEN runs off into the night.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (KATARINA, in the airlock, calls out nervously to the DOCTOR, who is still outside.) KATARINA: Doctor! Doctor! (In the body of the control room, BRET VYON and STEVEN hold a complex piece of circuitry.) STEVEN: Look, hold that reading steady. I think I can get this fixed. BRET VYON: Good. (At the doorway...) KATARINA: Come on, Doctor. (The DOCTOR starts to clamber back into the ship, helped by KATARINA.) DOCTOR: Thank you, my dear. (Somewhat out of breath, the DOCTOR crosses to a drum of cable and then calls across to BRET.) DOCTOR: Where is your catic power, or rather, outlet? BRET VYON: What? DOCTOR: Catic outlet, hmm? BRET VYON: It's there. (VYON points to a panel on the bulkhead.) DOCTOR: Where? BRET VYON: Under there. DOCTOR: Oh, yes, thank you, thank you. (BRET returns to his work with STEVEN, as the DOCTOR goes to the panel and calls to KATARINA.) DOCTOR: Come here, my dear. (KATARINA crosses to one side of the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: No, round this way, child. (The DOCTOR unravels a large coil of covered wire, which has one end fixed to a plug. He points to a switch.) DOCTOR: Now, you see that switch? (KATARINA nods.) DOCTOR: I'll tell you when to pull it. KATARINA: What are you doing? DOCTOR: Oh, don't ask questions, my dear girl, otherwise you'll become like the other two! Just do as you're told, mm? (He laughs gently as she crosses to the control panel and waits. The DOCTOR carefully unrolls the coil and makes for the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) DOCTOR: Now then, ah... (He throws the loose end out of the door and into the swamp. He laughs.) DOCTOR: That should repel any boarders! (He laughs in triumph and goes back into the SPAR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. DESPERUS. SWAMP (NIGHT) (BORS and GARGE make their way to the edge of the swamp.) BORS: It's there. We're nearly there. GARGE: How many do you think are on board? BORS: How should I know? Difficult to say with a ship of that size. GARGE: At least we've got surprise on our side. (GARGE glances back over his shoulder - the swamp is still and quiet.) GARGE: Pity we've lost Kirksen. BORS: Hmm! Fool's probably gone back to the cave, frightened by the screamers. Better just the two of us. (GARGE points at the bit of land in front of the ramp of the SPAR.) GARGE: Through the swamp now. BORS: Yes, but go carefully. (They move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: EXT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR and KATARINA stand in the airlock door. Suddenly, KATARINA points into the darkness.) KATARINA: There, Doctor, something moved! DOCTOR: Yes, I think you're right my dear. Now, you go in and stand by that switch. Wait until I give you an order, hmm? (KATARINA goes inside and the DOCTOR watches the swamp...) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. DESPERUS. SWAMP (NIGHT) (...where BORS and GARGE creep up to the SPAR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: EXT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR waits and then...) DOCTOR: Now! [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (As KATARINA pulls the switch...) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: EXT. DESPERUS. SWAMP (NIGHT) (...the water becomes electrified and BORS and GARGE scream in agony in a flash of light as the current runs through them. They fall unconscious.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: EXT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (STEVEN and BRET join the DOCTOR in the doorway, alerted by the noise. KATARINA is with them.) STEVEN: What's going on? BRET VYON: What do you think you're playing at? DOCTOR: (With a superior air.) Oh, you two go back in there and get on with your repairs. Katarina and I are trying to repel any type of boarders. (VYON observes the cable.) BRET VYON: But catic power isn't strong enough to kill anyone. DOCTOR: But, of course not. But it will knock them unconscious. Now, just you remember, young man, I have no desire to kill anyone! Now go in there and get on with those repairs. I want to leave this place quickly. Hurry up please! Hmm! Wasting my time! (STEVEN and VYON turn on their heels and march off back to work. The DOCTOR turns to KATARINA.) DOCTOR: Well, I think that should do the trick, my dear. Come along, let's get this cable back. (Together, they start to pull the cable back into the ship.) DOCTOR: There... we are. (They then walk back into the SPAR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) KATARINA: You show me so many strange mysteries. With you I know I'm safe. DOCTOR: I hope so, my dear, I hope so. (A tremendous roar of rockets sounds over Desperus. The DOCTOR darts back to the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: EXT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (He looks up into the night which is lit up by a spacecraft roaring overhead. He darts back inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) DOCTOR: The Dalek Spaceship! It's going to land! Hurry up! STEVEN: We're being as quick as we can! DOCTOR: Go on! Get off, get off, get off, get off! (STEVEN shuts the last panel with a bang.) STEVEN: That's it, Bret! BRET VYON: All right? All right, Doctor. (The DOCTOR closes the inner airlock door. VYON starts flicking switches on the console.) BRET VYON: Right, stand by everyone. As this take-off is now manual, it may not be quite so smooth. (A light still flashes on his panel.) BRET VYON: Doctor, did you close the outer door? (The DOCTOR moves towards the airlock.) DOCTOR: Oh I'm so sorry, I'm not used to this kind of craft. BRET VYON: It's all right, it doesn't matter. (BRET pulls a lever and the light on the console stops flashing. Power builds up in the SPAR, as the craft slowly takes off. The DOCTOR is watching the scanner.) DOCTOR: (Joyfully.) Look! Look! The Daleks' ship's made a bad landing. That's gives us the time we need. STEVEN: (Also joyfully.) We've made it! BRET VYON: Next stop - Earth. DOCTOR: Oh, I'm so glad to hear that, young man! Now, you've got some thinking to do. (To KATARINA.) Katarina, check up on that door and see that it's secure. (KATARINA goes up to the door.) DOCTOR: Do you realise... (Suddenly, KATARINA screams as KIRKSEN bursts through the internal door. He seizes her with one hand - in his other hand he is brandishing BORS' knife...)
doc_265	Originally written by Alexa Junge Transcribed by Josh Hodge. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is on the phone.] RACHEL: Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking alone at night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing [a pigeon flies in the window and lands on the table] OH MY GOOOD, oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. [hangs up] OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. [grabs a pot and lid] OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy. [puts pot over the pigeon] Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, aaaaahh. [knock at the door] It's open you guys. [a stranger enters with flowers] STRANGER: Hi. RACHEL: Hi, hi can I help you? STRANGER: Yeah, I'm looking for Phoebe, does she still live here? RACHEL: Uh, no she doesn't but I can, I can get a message to her. STRANGER: Great. Uhh, just tell her her husband stopped by. [leaves flowers on bar] RACHEL: What? [in surprise she forgets she has the pigeon in the pot and lets it get away] STRANGER: Hey, how, how did you do that? OPENING TITLES [Scene: Monica and Rachels apartment. The whole gang is there.] JOEY: This is unbelievable Phoebs, how can you be married? PHOEBE: Well, I mean, I'm not married married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from Canada and he just needed a green card. MONICA: I can't believe you married Duncan. I mean how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told each other everything. PHOEBE: I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would not approve. MONICA: Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking? ROSS: You see, and you thought she'd be judgemental. PHOEBE: OK, I wasn't in love with him and I was just helping out a friend. MONICA: Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas for a month and I saw you eat a cheeseburger. ALL: Huuh. MONICA: Well, didn't you? PHOEBE: I might have. MONICA: I can't believe you didn't tell me. PHOEBE: Oh, c'mon, like you tell me everything. MONICA: What have I not told you? PHOEBE: Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sx with Fun Bobby out on the terrace. RACHEL: What! MONICA: Wait a minute, who told you? [turns to Chandler who's looking sheepish] You are dead meat. CHANDLER: I didn't know it was a big secret. MONICA: Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third nipple. PHOEBE: You have a third nipple? CHANDLER: You bitch. ROSS: Whip it out, whip it out. CHANDLER: C'mon, there's nothin' to see, it's just a tiny bump, it's totally useless. RACHEL: Oh as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples? JOEY: I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin. ROSS: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was? JOEY: I don't know, you see somethin', you hear a word, I thought that's what it was. Let me see it again. ALL: Yeah, show it. Show it. The nubbin, the nubbin, the nubbin. CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno movie. ALL: Huuh. CHANDLER: If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with me. ROSS: You were in a porno? JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sx on it. MONICA: That is wild. ROSS: [to Chandler] So what's it shaped like? PHOEBE: Yeah, is there a hair on it? JOEY: What happens if you flick it? [Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, and Julie are sitting on the couch.] ROSS: So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special? CHANDLER: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia. JULIE: You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you. CHANDLER: Huh? Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the tri-state area? ROSS: You know, you are so amazing, is there anything you, you don't know? RACHEL: [to Monica at the counter] Ooh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special. MONICA: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just gonna have to get over it. RACHEL: Ohh, I'm gonna have to get over it. God, see I didn't know that's I had to do, I just have to get over it. [Phoebe enters all dressed up] ALL: Woah. JOEY: Foxy lady. JULIE: Where you goin'? PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades. JOEY: The Ice Capades? CHANDLER: No, no the gravel capades. Yeah, the turns aren't as fast but when Snoopy falls. . . funny. MONICA: I can't believe you're dressing up for him. I mean, you're just, you're setting yourself up all over again. PHOEBE: OK, no. For your information I'm going to see him so I can put all those feeling behind me. OK, and the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice to look nice for your gay husband. ROSS: [holding cream pitcher] Oh, darnit, we're all out of milk. [holds pitcher in front of Chandler's chest and flips the lid] Hey Chandler, would you fill me up here? CHANDLER: Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha ha ha ha. . . [Scene: Central Perk close to closing. Ross and Julie are still there. Rachel is cleaning tables.] ROSS: OK sweetie, I'll see you later. JULIE: See you later Rach. RACHEL: Bye-bye Julie. [Julie leaves] [Rachel is still cleaning, Ross is laying on the couch. Ross kicks Rachel in the butt.] RACHEL: Hey. ROSS: Hey. [Ross kicks her again] RACHEL: Hey, c'mon, cut it out. ROSS: Hey? RACHEL: What? ROSS: Can I ask you somethin'? RACHEL: Sure. ROSS: Naa. RACHEL: What? C'mon, talk to me. ROSS: OK, what's the longest you've been in the relationship before ha, have, having the sx? RACHEL: Why? Who's not having. . . Are you and Julie not, are, are you and, are you and Julie not having sx? ROSS: Technically, huh, no. RACHEL: Wow. Is it, is it 'cause she's so cold in bed. Or, or is it 'cause she's like, kinda bossy, makes it feel like school? ROSS: No, no, she's great and it's not like we haven't done anything. I mean, uh, uh, we, we do plenty of other stuff, lot's of other stuff, like uhh. . . RACHEL: No, no no no, don't need to know the details. ROSS: It's just, it's, it's me. You, you know I've only been with one woman my whole life and she turned out to be a lesbian. So now I've got myself all psyched out, you know, and it's become, like this, this thing and I. . . Well, you just must think I'm weird. RACHEL: No, no, no, no I don't think it's weird, I think, I think umm, in fact, in fact you know what I think? ROSS: What? RACHEL: I think it's sexy. ROSS: Sexy? RACHEL: Let me tell you something. As a woman there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sx. ROSS: No kidding? RACHEL: Oh yeah. In fact you know what I'd do? ROSS: What? RACHEL: I'd wait. ROSS: You'd wait? RACHEL: Yes, absolutely. I would wait and wait. . . then I'd wait some more. ROSS: Really? RACHEL: Oh yeah, I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if begs, she pleads, she tells you she, she's gonna have sx with, with another man. That just means it's working. ROSS: Women really want this? RACHEL: More than jewelry. [Rachel struts off, extremely pleased with herself] [Scene: Madison Square Garden. Duncan's dressing room.] PHOEBE: Hi. DUNCAN: Phoebe! PHOEBE: Ta-da. DUNCAN: Hey. PHOEBE: Hi. DUNCAN: Ahh, look at you, you look great. PHOEBE: Do I? Thank you, so do you. DUNCAN: Thanks. PHOEBE: Sparkly. So, wow, this is pretty wonerful, huh. Mr. major capades guy. I, I remember when you were just, like, King Friday in Mr. Roger's Ice is Nice. DUNCAN: You always said I'd make it. PHOEBE: Yeah, well, ya know, I'm kind of spooky that way. Wooo. DUNCAN: I missed you. [they hug] I'm gonna get changed. PHOEBE: OK. DUNCAN: Um, now. Phoebs. PHOEBE: Oh, right, OK. Ole. DUNCAN: What? PHOEBE: Um, the matador. [Duncan leaves] Ole, ha ha ha. [Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross and Julie are setting the table.] ROSS: Julie, can you hold this for a second, thanks. [hands her a bowl and kisses her] [Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel enter. Ross and Julie don't notice.] CHANDLER: Uh, Julie. JULIE: Yeah? CHANDLER: Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright. ROSS: Hi everyone. ALL: Hi. ROSS: [pulls Rachel aside] I just, I wanted to thank you for our uh, our little talk before. RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing? ROSS: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey. RACHEL: What did, what did he say? ROSS: Basically he told me to get over myself and just do it, ya know. So I though about what you said and I though about what he said and, well, his way I get to have sx tonight so. . . [Scene: Ross's apartment. After dinner. Chandler enters.] CHANDLER: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie. ROSS: Pop it in. JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in] RACHEL: Great, people having sx, that's just what I need to see. ROSS: What's wrong with people having sx? RACHEL: Well, well um, you know, these movies are offensive and uh, degrading to women and females. And uh, and the lighting's always unflattering. And, Monica help me out here. MONICA: Hell, I wanna see Joey. [video starts with the cheesy p0rn disco music] [SCENE_BREAK] JULIE: So is there like a story or do they just stard doing it right. . . oh, never mind. CHANDLER: OK, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen. MONICA: All I say is, she better get the job. ROSS: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job. JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sx. And then I say, wait, here's my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r the paper tray. CHANDLER: Nice work my friend. JOEY: Thank you. Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blockin' me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am. . . [Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. Phoebe is fixing her hair and Duncan enters.] PHOEBE: So um, so what's up, you came to see me yesterday. DUNCAN: Oh, yeah, um, alright, I kinda need a divorce. PHOEBE: Ohh. . .K. How come? DUNCAN: Umm, actually, I'm getting married again. PHOEBE: What? DUNCAN: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm straight. PHOEBE: Huuh. DUNCAN: Yeah, I know, I. PHOEBE: I, I don't, I don't understand, how can you be straight? I mean, you're, you're so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award parties. DUNCAN: I know, that's what I kept telling myself but you just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore. PHOEBE: So how long have you known? DUNCAN: Well I guess on some level I always knew I was straight. I though I was supposed to be something else, you know, I'm an ice dancer, all my friends are gay, I was just tryin' to fit in. PHOEBE: And um, and there's actually a, a woman? DUNCAN: Her name's Debra. PHOEBE: Oh. Well is she, is she the first that you've been with? DUNCAN: Well, I've never told you this but, there were one or two times, back in college, when I'd get really drunk, go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor and e-everyone experiments in college. PHOEBE: Sure. DUNCAN: But now I know I don't have a choice about this, I was born this way. PHOEBE: I, I don't know what to say. I mean, you know, you're married to someone for six years and you think you know him and then one day says, 'Oh, I'm not gay.' DUNCAN: I'm, I'm still me. PHOEBE: Why couldn't you have just figured this out six years ago? [Scene: Ross's apartment. Everyone is sitting around. Monica enters from bathroom.] MONICA: You know, it still smells like monkey in there. JULIE: That saves us a conversation. CHANDLER: Well, listen, this has been great but I'm officially wiped. JOEY: Me too, we should get goin'. RACHEL: No, no, I mean, no, c'mon you guys, I mean, c'mon look it's only eleven thirty. Let's just talk, we never just hang out and talk anymore. MONICA: Rachel, that's all we do. RACHEL: Maybe that's all we do, what about Julie? JULIE: What about Julie? RACHEL: Well, you have been in our lives for nearly two months now and we don't really know you. I mean, who is Julie? I mean, what do you like, what don't you like? We wanna hear everything. JULIE: Well, that could take a while. RACHEL: So. I mean, who here does not have the time to get to know Julie? CHANDLER: I got the time to get to know Julie. JOEY: I got time. MONICA: Rach, I know her pretty well, can I go? [Rachel gives her a look from hell] That's fine. RACHEL: OK Julie, so now let's start with your childhood, what was that like? JULIE: Well, in a nutshell. . . RACHEL: Nah, uh, uh, uh, uh. [Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. Phoebe is signing the divorce papers.] PHOEBE: So, um, have you told your parents? DUNCAN: No, but it'll be OK, they're pretty cool, my brother's straight so. . . PHOEBE: [handing him the papers] Here you go. You know what, I just have one more question, um, if you had figured this out sooner and um, I had been around, do you think that I would have been the one who. . . no, um, I'm sorry, don't tell me, I don't th ink either answer would make me feel better. DUNCAN: I love you Phoebe. [they hug and kiss] PHOEBE: So your brother's straigh huh? Seriously. [Scene: Ross's apartment. Julie is telling her live story.] JULIE: And my second grade teacher was Ms. Thomas, and my first grade teacher was Mrs. Cobb. RAHCEL: Mrs., Mrs. Gobb? JULIE: No Cobb, as in cobb salad. RACHEL: Now, what exactly is in a cobb salad? CHANDLER: I'm goin' home. RACHEL: What? [Outside in the hallway, Chandler, Joey, and Monica exit] JOEY: Boy that Julie's a talker, huh? ROSS: Goodnight. RACHEL: So, it's pretty late, you're probably uh, not still planning on. . . ROSS: Oh, no no, I am. RACHEL: Oh, well, are hey, are you nervous? ROSS: Um, no, I uh, I have done it before. RACHEL: Uh, OK, I mean uh, what, how are you gonna handle it. I mean, are, are ya gonna, are ya gonna talk about it before hand, are you just gonna pounce? ROSS: I uh, I don't know, I guess I'm just gonna see, see what happens. RAHCEL: OK, gook luck. ROSS: Wha, uhh, what? RACHEL: Nothing, I mean, um, it is your first time with her and, you know if the first time doesn't go well, well then that's, that's pretty darn hard to recover from. ROSS: OK, now I'm nervous. RACHEL: Maybe you should put it off. ROSS: No, no, I don't wanna put it off, I just, God I just, I spent last year being so unbelievably miserable, ya know, and now, now I'm actually happy. You know, I mean, really happy. I just, I just don't wanna, I don't wanna mess it up, ya know. RACHEL: I know, yeah, sorry. ROSS: What, it's not your fault. RACHEL: Maybe it, maybe it doesn't have to be this tough. I mean, maybe you were on the right track with this whole, you know, spontaneous thing. I mean, women really like that. ROSS: Really? RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like catch me off guard, you know, with like a really good kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then maybe um brush the hair away from my face, and look far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that something amazing is about to happen. ROSS: [being drawn in by her talk] Uh-huh. RACHEL: And then, I don't know, I mean you'd pull me really close to you so that, so that I'd be pressed up, you know, right against you. And, um, it would get kind of sweaty and uh, and blurry, and then it's just happening. ROSS: Ohh. . . Thanks Rach, goodnight. [goes back in apartment] RACHEL: Ohh, God. CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: The next morning on the street. Ross is dancing along, Singing in the Rain is playing. Two old ladies are sitting on a bench.] ROSS: Good morning. OLD WOMAN: Well, somebody got some last night. ROSS: Twice.
doc_266	Mae: Previously on Mars. Hana Seung: When you believe in a goal the way we believed in Mars, conviction alone will sustain you through almost any test. Leslie Richardson: Robert! If you find evidence of a second genesis. Marta Kamen: Evolution can begin again. Ed Grann: I've got faith. Paul Richardson: You know, I used to stand in the doorway of the farmhouse where I grew up looking at all of the crops, thinking about all the people they'd feed. Joon Seung: If you push too hard too fast, something's gonna break. Ed Grann: If they fail, everyone's out. Hana Seung: But faith doesn't guarantee success. Paul Richardson: Without plants we're nothing. Hana Seung: The real test is what happens when you fail. ♪ [THEME MUSIC PLAYS] ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] Leslie Richardson: Richardson, Leslie. Phase 2, personal entry. [HEAVY BREATHING] Robert Foucault: Damn tragedy. Oh God. Hana Seung: The entire west section is destroyed. [SCENE_BREAK] Leslie Richardson: Paul was always late. He would get so caught up in his work that he would just lose time, completely forget about it. And then he would show up hours later, filthy, like a kid that had been playing out in the mud all day. And always with that look on his face, that look as if he knew that he was in trouble. But it was all worth it. There was this one night I remember, It was while we were living out in South America, he was still in the forest collecting samples. He was late, as usual. But somehow it was different. Morning came. Another day went by. Finally I could hear his footsteps approaching. So, I rushed out to meet him. And all of the sudden all of that fear and worry that I'd felt turned into anger, rage. I couldn't believe how selfish he'd been. And then he appeared. Javier Delgado: Victor. There he is. Leslie Richardson: Covered from top to bottom in mud. With that look on his face... that look. And all I could say was, "I love you." Paul Richardson: Without plants we're nothing. Javier Delgado: We are not nothing, my friend. [SCENE_BREAK] Hana Seung: We'd lost seven of our own. The lab and the greenhouse were destroyed. Olympus Town was on complete lock down until the nations of the IMSF decided on the fate of our mission. Was Mars going to be a giant leap forward, or just a passing novelty. It wasn't the first time humankind had faced this question. Ann Druyan: We accomplished the impossible by stepping on the Moon. This was, the first hop. And there would be a skip, and a jump afterwards. And we'd keep going and going and going, and the future would be one of endless possibilities, where the Cosmos was ours. Man: What do you think about this Moon landing? Man 2: Well it's the beginning of a new frontier, a gateway to Mars. Ann Druyan: That came to a very abrupt halt. Roger Launius: A major turning point for Apollo was the Apollo 13 mission in 1970. Man: Alright Houston, we've got a problem. Reporter: There is a bulletin from ABC news. The Apollo 13 spacecraft has had a serious power supply malfunction. A late report says the spacecraft now is operating on battery power alone, all unnecessary equipment is being turned off. Man: Let's everybody keep cool. Let's not make it any worse by guessing. Roger Launius: We came close to losing astronauts. And it scared the living daylights out of lots of people. And some leaders at NASA said we gotta stop this. This is too risky. John Logsdon: We all lived through that in real time. We were all wrapped up with the fate of the astronauts. It was a close call to get them back and that really spooked Nixon. It soured him on the notion of sending humans away from Earth into deep space. So it was a catalytic turning point in attitudes towards space exploration. James A. Lovell: Jack and Fred and I are very proud and glad to be back here in Texas tonight. There were times when we really didn't think that we'd make it back here. After the anomaly on 13, I thought that our space exploration would continue to go. But the extreme rate of progress slowed down. Peter Diamandis: Apollo was this massive promise of what was going to be going on, right? We were going to the Moon, not to stop. There were plans beyond the Moon but all this got killed as the political will petered out and was gone. Roger Launius: On a Mars mission there may be some loss of life in the process, there may be failures along the road, but people will take it on. One of the things that you have to ask is: 'Are the rest of us willing to allow them to do that?' Space exploration is subject to public opinion, and political support. There's no question about that. If you send astronauts to Mars and they die there, I guarantee you, public opinion will prohibit you from ever doing it again. Hana Seung: As we buried our friends, the fate of the mission was back on Earth in the hands of my sister and the IMSF. Joon Seung: Hi Ed. Ed Grann: How long until we know? Joon Seung: I told the press everything I know; the nations are meeting to discuss how to proceed and then we'll make an official announcement. Ed Grann: You can't let them give up. You just can't. They knew something like this was a possibility, we all did. Joon Seung: Seven of the world's most beloved scientists and astronauts are dead. Does that mean anything to you? Ed Grann: Of course it means something to me. What are you talking about? It's a time to be strong, to make a statement that says we're here to stay. Joon Seung: You're not going to influence my recommendation to the committee. Ed Grann: We've come too far Joon. Joon Seung: If the train is derailing, there's nothing I can do to keep it on the tracks. Ed Grann: The nations respect you, they will listen to you; you can inspire them to stay the course. Joon Seung: Even if we can Ed, I'm not sure that we should. Ed Grann: What? Joon Seung: I'm not sure that we should. Ed Grann: Me, I'm sure of one thing. I won't let go. John Logsdon: Dreamers of space have always had their eyes, their hopes, their aspirations, on getting to Mars. Casey Dreier: Mars has been the goal since Wernher Von Braun got involved with NASA. Mission Control: Liftoff, we have a liftoff! Stephen Petranek: Von Braun overbuilt entirely the rocket to go to the Moon. Saturn 5 is the largest, longest, and heaviest machine ever built by humans. It's absolute overkill for going to the Moon. And the reason is, Von Braun didn't wanna go to the Moon. He wanted to go to Mars. The only reason he got involved in rocketry was because ever since he's a little kid, he's focused on this idea of getting to Mars. He invented the V2 rocket when he was in his late twenties and it was the first thing that ever went into space from Earth. Man: Von Braun surrenders to US forces. He and his fellow rocket scientists actually welcomed by the Americans. Stephen Petranek: After the war, he writes a book called 'das Marsprojekt', which is basically a manual on how to build a fleet of ships that can get to Mars and get humans back. He's worked out all the equations, all the details, of how it could actually be done. And it captured the mind of the world. Nobody was thinking about going to the Moon; they were all imagining going to Mars. Man: This closes a golden chapter in the age of space exploration. Stephen Petranek: At the end of the Apollo program, NASA's beginning to lose its focus: what do we do next? And there are two proposals on Richard Nixon's desk. One proposal is that we build a spaceplane, called the Space Shuttle. The other proposal was from Von Braun and he was really storming the halls of Congress, to say that we can go to Mars. Interviewer: When would you see a man on Mars? Wernher Von Braun: We could land a man on Mars in a little over 10 years if we really wanted to do it. Casey Dreier: Richard Nixon was never that big of a supporter of the space program. He came in wanting to cut the budget to lower taxes, and space just was not a high priority for that administration. Basically they just wanted fewer leaps for mankind, right? small steps, small steps. Stephen Petranek: So Nixon chooses the Space Shuttle over going to Mars. Von Braun quits NASA, and within a few years has cancer and dies. Interviewer: It must have taken a great deal of determination to carry on and, in view of some the early failures that you've had. Von Braun: Well, yes uh, you just have to, shouldn't give up. It's very simple, something blows in your face, try again, try again, try again. One fine day you'll wind up on top. Hana Seung: After the devastation to the west section we needed to scavenge from our other resources to rebuild, even the old workshop. Javier Delgado: Figure we use the housings to patch the corridor the best we can. If we can get the section sealed with scrap, my team can start working on the damage done to Olympus Town. Marta Kamen: Mm-hmm, Javier! Javier Delgado: What? Marta Kamen: Ven mira. Javier Delgado: Que, what is that, corrosion? Marta Kamen: It looks like, uh, aragonite crystal. Javier Delgado: Possible the metal catalyzed perculate carried by the storm? Marta Kamen: Unless something reacted with the water that came out of the condensation filter. It would be nice if I had a lab. It's getting dark. Let's get out of here. Phobos and Deimos. Javier Delgado: Fear and terror, good names for the Moons of Mars. Russian Member: We lost two of our finest cosmonauts to this catastrophe; the support of the Russian people is fading. American Member: We've known this since Apollo: once the novelty passes, so does public support, and no one ever died on the Moon. British Member: Is this not the time to make a statement that we're here to stay? We have committed resources, delivered speeches. Giving up now could be a great embarrassment. American Member: More embarrassing than another tragedy? We only accepted the risk in the 60s because it was a matter of national defense. Committee Member: People love space, but not when it means watching heroes die. Russian Member: Secretary Seung, you are as personally invested as any of us. I would like to hear your recommendation to the committee. [SCENE_BREAK] Hana Seung: May I? I'm so sorry. Paul was my responsibility. Leslie Richardson: We don't need to do this. Hana Seung: They all were. Leslie Richardson: You didn't kill them and neither did Paul. Hana Seung: And neither did you. I gave that order, not you. We didn't have a choice Leslie. Leslie Richardson: Paul was right in front of me and I didn't see him. Hana Seung: If we have any chance in this place we need you with us. Joon Seung: Hana... they asked me to make a choice, whether to keep pushing, or to bring you home. I tried to go back to that feeling, that feeling we had, staring up at those stars imagining what was beyond. Hana Seung: Unnie, do you remember that recurring dream I used to have? Walking along the regolith under the twin Moons before I even knew it was Mars I was dreaming about. Joon Seung: When I think about you up there, if it had been you in that corridor... Hana Seung: If it had been me in that corridor, I only hope someone else would have done the same. This mission, it's bigger than all of us. I've made my peace, and I'd do it again if I have to. That dream I used to have about Mars. I could never tell Mom why I would wake up crying every time. It wasn't because it was a nightmare. It was because the dream was over. Joon Seung: Hana, I told them to bring you home. I'm going to make a public announcement next week. I'm sorry. Hana Seung: The mission had failed, I'd failed the crew, I failed Ben. [HANA CRYING] Ben Sawyer: Oh man, this reminds me of a place I used to go with my father when I was a kid. Hana Seung: So beautiful. Ben Sawyer: Yeah. Hana Seung: You know, they can give us a rover; put us in EVA suits, but that blue sky, gonna miss that. There's really no way of knowing if we actually make it up there, is there? Ben Sawyer: Nope, but... What good would we be if we didn't even try? Let's get moving. [SCENE_BREAK] Ann Druyan: The tragedy, for me, of the shuttle... it was as if we'd lost our nerve. Instead of building on the technology that had gotten us to the Moon, and saying okay, let's go to Mars, we ended up to a shuttle which was going nowhere. Casey Dreier: We went into lower Earth orbit for the next forty years. And I think a lot people felt a certain amount of betrayal. So far, the previous generations since Apollo have not picked up that torch and carried it forward. Robert Zubrin: We're approaching the 50th Anniversary of the Apollo Moon landing. People who watched it happen are still around and still remember a time when we did things like this. And if anybody had told me that I would be 64 and we wouldn't be on Mars, I would have thought they were crazy. John Mccain: Dr. Zubrin, you're mad that this vision has been stolen from a generation? Robert Zubrin: Yes, we turned our back on the whole Apollo vision. It's like Columbus coming back from the New World and Ferdinand and Isabella saying, "ah, so what, forget it, burn the ships." The purpose of space ships is to actually travel across space and go to new worlds. Mars is where the science is, Mars is where the challenge is, and Mars is where the future is. That if we say no, that is beyond us, then it would really indicate that we have become less than the kind of people we used to be and that is something that this country cannot afford. Hana Seung: As the others prepared Olympus Town for the official evacuation order, Robert and I took a trip to visit an old friend, we needed her help taking us back. There she is. Robert Foucault: Never thought we'd be trying to take her back. Hana Seung: Me neither. It looks like she's been through a war. Robert Foucault: She has. Ed Grann: This is it, your home for the seven-month journey and the first two years you'll be living on Mars surface, when the time comes to face the unknown, there has never been another suit of armor more skillfully crafted than this one. Take good care of her. She'll take good care of you. [SCENE_BREAK] Ben Sawyer: I want you to stop and ask yourself what really is important to you about this mission; and if the answer to that question is not the most important thing in your life, then I'm gonna invite you to walk out that door and pursue that thing, whatever it is. And don't ever look back, because no one will ever have the right to hold it against you. Well alright, welcome home. Robert Foucault: External solar arrays are online. Hana Seung: Initializing for start up on my mark... [SCENE_BREAK] Robert Foucault: Engage. Mae: Pressurizing. Joon Seung: No pressure now Hana, this is all of humanity relying on you. Ben Sawyer: You ready for this? Robert Foucault: Three. Hana Seung: Are you? Robert Foucault: Two, one, ignition. Mae: Pressurization complete. Robert Foucault: NDEs are registering no micrometeoroid damage. She'll need the new parts to address the damage from landing, but Cygnus brought everything we need to get her flight-ready. Hana Seung: How will it be? Robert Foucault: What's that? Hana Seung: Going home. Robert Foucault: I'm already home. Leslie Richardson: Marta... I thought you might be interested in this. It was Paul's. I'd like you to have it. Is there anything I can do to help? Marta Kamen: Thank you. Leslie Richardson: When Paul was working on his early climate resistant hybrid studies, I went with him to the western highlands of Guatemala. We knew that if we didn't plan our lives around our work we'd never see each other at all. He was always gone, sometimes weeks. Because on top of his own research, he also decided that he could figure out how this particular pathogen was spreading through local communities, so I barely got to see him. And I resented him for it. It was as if, plants were more important to him than human beings. Certainly to my mind, more important than me. Eventually I understood that for Paul, every time he looked at those plants, he could see all the people they could feed, all the people they could heal. Marta Kamen: So how did he figure it out? Leslie Richardson: Figure what out? Marta Kamen: The pathogen. How was it spreading? Leslie Richardson: Paul realized that the outbreak pattern followed the same vectors as one of the airborne blights he'd been tracking. He'd also been mapping these very complex wind flows from the mountains. And from that, he was able to conclude that the pathogen must have mutated, and it was able to survive in the air Both: and travel on... the wind. Leslie Richardson: Yeah. Announcer: By executive order, all non-evacuation related extra-vehicular activity is now prohibited. Javier Delgado: The biggest failure in history... biggest failure in history. It's easy... yeah, easy. Four years of my life... 20 years preparing. Very good and it's over. Amelie Durand: Hey. Leslie Richardson: We'd be looking for another location with moisture to replicate the reaction use on the WAVAR so we'd be following the wind patterns. Hana Seung: Wind patterns. Marta Kamen: Javier and I found something. The samples were too contaminated to analyze but I figured it blew in from the east in the storm because of the easterly arc of the wind, no way to track its source. Your story made me think. Even though I may not be able to pinpoint where it came from, I can figure out where else it might have blown to. The way the Tharsis Plateau affects the wind flow, it would have blown straight into the recurring slope lineae. On these elevated bedrock outcrops just to the west. Leslie Richardson: If there wasn't a moratorium on nonessential EVAs... Hana Seung: What moratorium? Robert Zubrin: The history of space exploration begins with individuals taking the road not taken, with people with a vision. Wernher Von Braun: I really never had any doubts that it was possible to go to the Moon. Today I know. Robert Zubrin: People being able to see with their minds what others had yet to be able to see with their eyes. Peter Diamandis: There is a direct correlation between the dreams and the works of science fiction and the reality. We as humans over and over again create the future, we create the future we envision. And then we bring to bear our resources, our capital, our technology, our friendships, and then we make it real. Kai Musk: What is this building called? Elon Musk: This is the launch tower, so this is where the astronauts would go up, and then there would be a big arm that would swing over to the spacecraft, and then they'd walk down the gangway, climb in the spacecraft, go to space. This isn't floors, this is feet. the long-term goal of SpaceX is to establish a self-sustaining civilization on Mars. Pretty cool. It's always seemed like we should have gone there by now, that's what everyone expected. We just kind of lost our way. It's a long way down. But now we're gonna get back there. Mission Control: SpaceX Falcon 9 go for launch. Mission Control 2: Stage 1 tanks pressing for flight. Mission Control: VC verify F9 is in startup. Mission Control 2: F9 is in startup. Mission Control: T-minus 4 minutes. Mission Control: SpaceX Falcon 9 go for launch. Mission Control 2: Vehicle's in manual. Mission Control: T-minus 1 minute. Elon Musk: This is a return to flight launch. We'd had a failed mission on June 28 of 2015. [EXPLOSION] After the failure, the whole launch program ground to a halt. That obviously put a lot of strain on the company. Mission Control: All stations verify ready for launch. T-minus 30 seconds. Stephen Petranek: Elon Musk has said the key to get to Mars is the reusability of rockets. He wants to be able to fire a rocket into orbit, launch a payload into space, and then fire retro rockets and bring that rocket down to land vertically, and reuse it. That's an extremely difficult concept. If he cannot make rockets truly reusable then he cannot launch a new civilization on Mars. So the stakes for every rocket launch are huge. Misson Control: T-minus 20 seconds. Stage Two tanks pressing for flight. Flight computer has control of the vehicle. Elon Musk: Do we see anything on the sensors that's a problem? Woman: No, nothing. Man: They all say go for launch. Mission Control: T-minus 10, 9, 8, 7, 6... [SCENE_BREAK] [CROWD CHEERING] Elon Musk: It's gone, baby. Let's go, check it out. Man: Speed 1.2 kilometers down range distance 11 kilometers. Shortly after main engine cut off, we're going to separate the stages and begin the second stage ignition. Elon Musk: Come on. [CROWD CHEERING] Man: Main engine cut off. The first stage is returning to land as the second stage powers the OrbComm satellites to low Earth orbit. The fairings have successfully deployed. The first stage will soon begin its series of three burns to head back towards Cape Canaveral. Elon Musk: Oh... where is it going? Okay, this is bad. Potentially bad. [CROWD CHEERING] Woman: That is that first stage, coming back down. History in the making guys. [CROWD CHEERING] Elon Musk: It's standing up! Coming in, it sounded like an explosion. Yeah man! Lee Rosen: Oh my God! Look at this, look at this! It's just sitting there, look at that. Elon Musk: What... holy smokes man. [CROWD CHEERING] It's kind of amazing that this window of opportunity is open for life to go beyond Earth. And we just don't know how long that window is going to be open. The thing that gets me most fired up is that creating a self-sustaining civilization on Mars would be the greatest adventure ever... ever in human history. It would be so exciting to wake up in the morning and think that that's what's happening. Robert Zubrin: Apollo is still within living memory. Neil Armstrong: Houston the Eagle has landed. Robert Zubrin: But the longer we let it fade into the past, the dimmer our prospects become. We do need to make discoveries, we do need to find out the truth about life, and the universe. To resolve mysteries that thinking men and women have wondered about for thousands of years. Look up, look up! There's everything out there! There's trillions of other Earths. That's why we're gonna do it and the next time we go, we're gonna go to stay. Marta Kamen: The story Leslie Richardson told me sparked a thought. Javier and I found something at the old workshop. I need to go there. Hana Seung: The wind patterns lead to a location 87 kilometers west of Olympus Town. We hoped to find a new sample of the substance Marta found on the WAVARs. Marta Kamen: Leslie, have you ever driven one of these? Leslie Richardson: No, I haven't. Marta Kamen: Do you want to have a go? Come. Reporter: We're here at IMSF headquarters waiting for Secretary Seung to make her announcement regarding what we believe will be the end of the Mars mission. Ed Grann: We've come so far, we stop now the Mars dream is dead. [SCENE_BREAK] Joon Seung: Today marks the end of an era, and the beginning of a new one. ♪ ♪ There is life on Mars. [CROWD CHATTER] Hana Seung: We had come so far. Overcome so many obstacles. And though there were times when our faith flagged, we persevered. There would be no evacuation. And as we prepared for the next phase, one thing was clear. Our dream was alive.
doc_267	Amy: Previously on "Heartland"... Wade: Your mom's a grown woman. She's the only one who can get herself out of this. I got her in the best rehab I could find. I'm gonna go see her in a couple days. I'll let you know how she's doing. Tim: I've decided that it's time for me to give back to the rodeo world. I'm starting a rodeo school right here in Hudson. Jack: I support this. Tim: Thanks, buddy. Jack: Plus those kids are gonna eat you alive and I definitely support that. There it is. Thank you. Jade: Ungh! Tim: What the hell? (Horse whinnies) Tim: Jade! Jade: Oh! Jade: Ungh! Tim: Jade? Jade! Jade: Beat that, boys! (Truck rumbles to a halt) (Door opens and bangs shut) (Phone rings) Ty: Hey, Wade. Next week? Uh... Well, it's a little short notice. (Birds chirp) Okay. Um... Yeah, I'll see what I can do. Okay. Talk to you soon. (Phone beeps off) (Spectators on video cheer and shout) Hey. You ready to go? Amy: Yeah... you okay? Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, I just uh... What- what're you watching? Oh, you gotta check this out. Commentator:...is my favourite part of the great plains relay. Commentator 2: Here they go, 'round the bend. Ty: Huh. Is one of those guys Scott's nephew? Amy: No. I'm just watching whatever I can find online. I thought I better see what the great plains relay actually looks like. Ty: What're they doing? Amy: This the transition zone, where they switch horses. Ty: Looks like complete chaos. (Horse grunts loudly) Whoa! Well, that was incredible. Amy: When it works. Watch this guy. Ty: Oh, geez, come on, buddy! Hold on. ...see that transition? They must have been working on that for a year... Ty: Come on. Come on, you got it, you got it! Commentator:...so smooth. Ty: Oh! Ouch! Amy: Yeah, it's totally crazy. (Crowd cheers in the video) Man: He's right off! Ty: Wow, I can't believe Scott used to do this. Amy: I know, right? Ty: So you think you can help his nephew? Amy: I hope so. Scott says he's having trouble with the exchange. Ty: Yeah, well, I don't blame him. Amy: Oh, wow. Okay. (Taps keyboard) Come on. Let's go. (Knock at the door) Georgie: Oh, he's here! And you know what he likes to do. Katie: Tickle! Georgie: Yeah! It's open. Oh, he's coming! You better run, Katie! Jade! What're you doing here? Jade: Nice to see you too. I was just taking my new car for a cruise, thought I'd drop by. What a coincidence, exactly when he's supposed to get here. He? Who's "he"? Give it up, Jade. You know exactly who's coming. Jade: Is that today? Georgie: Nice try. But I don't want you hanging around and drooling all over him. Jade: Oh, please. Jeff: Hello?! Georgie: (Gasps) Jeffie! Georgie: Hi! Katie: Jeffie! Jeff: Ooh, Katie - and you! Jade: Hi. Jeff: Hi. Jade: I'm Jade. Katie: She likes to drool. (Georgie laughs) Jeff: (Snorts softly) (Hard thump) Man: Whoa, Barega! Emmett: Hmph! Ungh! Somebody grab him. Emmett, you all right? Emmett: I'm so sick of screwing this up for everybody. Hey, it's a team sport. Yeah, and I'm the weak link. Scott: C'mon, let's go back and try the exchange one more time. Emmett: I'm done. Scott: Fine. We'll call it a day. Emmett: No. I mean for good. I'm quitting the relay. S08E14 ♪ and at the break of day you sank into your dream ♪ ♪ you dreamer ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh... ♪ ♪ You dreamer... ♪ ♪ You dreamer... ♪ Scott: Emmett, these are a couple of friends. Amy and Ty. Amy: Hi. Scott: Amy works with horses. She might be able to help you with your problem. Emmett: It's already fixed. Scott: Come on, you can't quit now. Finals are only a week away. And cause another wreck? I'm gonna get somebody killed out there. Emmett, what happened? (Birds chirp) (Sighs) I don't know. My legs are all spaghetti by the time I make the last exchange. I just can't get up on the horse clean. Amy: It's always the same horse? Emmett: Yeah. Barega. She's the fastest on the circuit, but she's wasted on me. Well, like Scott said, I'd be happy to give you a hand. What do you know about the relay? Scott: She knows enough about horses, and riders, that she might be able to help you get through this. Sure. You wanna waste your time, makes no difference to me. (Low hum of chatter, birds chirp) Ty: I'm gonna go talk to Scott for a bit. I'll be right back. Amy: Okay. (Door bangs shut) Hey, Scott. Scott: Hey, so you'll help out tomorrow? Ty: Yeah. Yeah, I'll be here. Um... things are pretty crazy at the clinic next week, huh? Scott: No different than usual. Well, I mean, we got a couple of surgeries, and a ton of field calls, and... That big shipment of supplies coming in, right? Scott: Ty, what are you getting at? Ty: Uh... it's nothing. I was just... thinking about going to see my mom, but, you know, it's bad timing, so. Scott: Ty. Go see your mom. We'll be fine. Ty: Are you sure? Scott: Yeah. Okay. Thanks. (Tailgate bangs shut) Tim: Well! Look who's back. The pride of Fort Mac. Casey: Hi, I'm Casey. Jeff: Jeff. Georgie's brother. Casey: Nice to meet you. Oh, sorry we're late. I had to sort out Tim's rodeo school schedule. He's got himself double booked all over the place. Tim: What can I say, I'm a big picture kind of guy. Casey: Yeah? Is that why you added private lessons into the mix? Ty: Private lessons? What kind of private lessons? Casey: Oh, some rich oil guy's kid. I thought you were only interested in serious up and comers? Tim: Like you? Jade: Yeah. You know, I rode a bronc. Tim: I have not problem coaching some wannabe if his dad's gonna throw sponsorship money my way. Amy: But, dad, how are you gonna manage this? It's just you and Caleb. Tim: Caleb? Pfft! Kid's on the road twenty-four-seven. Ty: Well, Jesse's been riding him pretty hard to find some new stock, so. Tim: Caleb is useless to me. Georgie: Well, Jack could help out. He's got some serious rodeo cred. I'm not interested in training the next generation of weekend cowboys. But if you need a hand with those real rodeo kids I would consider pitching in. Tim: Yeah, those kids'd be saying, when was that guy's last rodeo? When they were bucking dinosaurs? (Ty laughs) Jack: This coming from a guy who won his last buckle before these kids were even born. So you still raking in the cash up north? Jeff: Yeah. Same 'ol, same 'ol. Georgie: Come on, Jeff, tell 'em about your big promotion! Jeff: Honestly, it's no big deal. Georgie: No big deal? He's running his own crew... Jeff: Uh, Georgie, just... Let it go. I mean, come on, no one wants to hear a bunch of... boring work talk, right? Jade: Cute and modest. Ty: So I'll pick you up on my way to the track tomorrow? Amy: Yeah, that sounds great. It should be an interesting session. Ty: Yeah. Emmett doesn't seem too keen, does he? Amy: No. That's an understatement. Ty: Hmm. Amy: Hey... you okay? Ty: That's the second time you've asked me that today. Well, it's just... You seem a little bit more... up in your head than normal. Uh... Wa... (Sighs) Wade called me this morning and um... Family day at the clinic is next week. You gonna go see your mom? Ty: Yeah... I was kinda hoping Scott wouldn't give me the time off. I hate going to those places, Amy. She must be happy you're coming. Yeah, well, she doesn't really know quite yet. I have to call Wade first thing in the morning. It'll be okay. (Brief kiss) Amy: Good night. Ty: Good night. (Receding footsteps) (Birds chirp) Emmett: (Blows out his breath) Ungh! Amy: And again. Emmett: Ungh. (Blows out his breath) Emmett: Ungh! Amy: Nice! Okay. One more time. One more time. Ugh! Haven't you seen enough? I'm beat. Sorta like you are on the final exchange. But you're landing this perfectly every time. Ty: Barega's staying good and still too. Amy: So far, you guys are totally in sync. I don't see anything that would cause you to miss in the exchange. So what's next? Amy: Let's try it for real. Emmett: (Sighs heavily) (Barega snorts nervously) Easy, Barega. Easy. Easy... Amy: Okay, Emmett, bring him in. Emmett: Yah! (Hooves thunder) Ty: Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey. Easy. Easy now! Come on! (Barega snorts nervously, hooves thunder) Emmett: (Breathing hard) (Barega snorts and grunts) Ty: Whoa, whoa! Emmett! Emmett, are you okay? Emmett: (Frustrated grunts) Why can't I land it?! You can't be so hard on yourself. I keep choking under the pressure. No! No, it's not you. It's your horse. It's Barega. Emmett: (Sighs heavily) (Door bangs shut, engine rumbles nearby) (Tailgate thunks loudly) Tim: Hey! So guess who just got approved for a whole series of clinics at the high school rodeos. Jack: Well, good for you. So what did you want to talk to me about then? Oh. I've been thinking about your offer. Jack: My offer? Tim: To help lighten my workload. Jack: Well, I thought I was... too prehistoric to work at your rodeo school. Agh! And I know Casey's been joking about how disorganized I am, but I got it all worked out. No, no. I need help with Maggie's. Jack: M-Maggie's? Tim: Well, Lou's still away. The place won't run itself. You want me to work at the diner? I need a watch dog. No. I-I need someone to oversee it. (Door bangs shut) Make sure things are running smoothly. (Engine rumbles) Amy: You did everything right. Your dismount was clean, and your approach was great. Emmett: Then why did I end up back in the dirt? Because Barega took off too soon. Ty: Yeah, I couldn't even hold her back. Amy: She sees the other horses lined up and she knows what's coming. Barega loves to run so much that you can't hold her back. She just takes off. Scott: This is good news. Now that we know what the issue is we can deal with it. Emmett: How? She's a gamer. That's what makes her so good. We can't take the race out of the horse. Amy: Maybe you start the relay on her... And that way you don't have to jump on Barega at all. No. Barega runs anchor. Your best horse always runs the last lap. Scott: Since you know everything, what do you think we should do? Amy: Take off your jacket. Ty: What? Amy: I think I might have a way to hold Barega back in the exchange. Ty: You really think this is gonna work? Let her smell it first. Ty: There you. Hey... Easy now... I'm just gonna put this over your head. Really slowly... Just like that. Amy: Okay, we're ready! Yah! (Hooves thunder) Amy: Okay, wait for it... Now! (Barega snorts) Emmett: Yes! Amy: That's it! Scott: Woo! Nice exchange! Well, you finally got him out of bed. It's nice to be able to... sleep in for once. I thought you packed it in right after dinner last night? Ah, must be the country air. (Jack chuckles) So what do you two have planned for today? Jeff: Well, she's abandoning me for some trick riding practice. Georgie: Well, I told you, I could skip it. Jack: Have fun, whatever it is. No, that's fine. I'll hang out here until you get back. Georgie: Really? Yeah... what? Well, don't you usually go rent exotic cars and... rip around on your motorcycle? I guess I've mellowed in my old age. (Knock at the door) Georgie: Oh, look who it is. Just happened to be in the neighborhood? Jade: Uh, I just left my jacket here last night. Georgie: Of course you did. Jade: Hey, Jeff. Jeff: Hey. Jade: Nice hair. Yeah, barn loft special. (Self-conscious chuckle) Don't you have somewhere to be? No. Actually, I'm gonna go to this arts and music festival. I thought you might wanna go. Uh... yeah, I got a little free time on my hands. Why not? Jade: Cool. Jeff: Well, I better run a comb through this though, huh? Georgie: Okay. (Sighs) Ty: Well, I can't believe what a difference that made. That was great. Scott: Yeah, the exchange was perfect every time. But Emmett's team can't be using your jacket during the race. Amy: No, that's why we'll use blinders for the real thing, right? That'll block out all the craziness that's happening around her. Scott: Well, looks like you're back on track for the championships. Amy: Hey, good luck at the finals. And you... You wait for him, okay? All right, take care. Ty: See ya, guys. Scott: You're not gonna thank her? Emmett: For putting a jacket over her head? She just saved your butt. You could win this whole thing. That's what everyone keeps saying back home. They want me to be a champion, like you were. But nobody cares what I want. And what would that be? I already told you. You weren't listening. I wanna quit. I'm leaving the reservation. To go where? Moving to the city, like you did. (Clucks his tongue) Tim: Ha! He just said, "no," then he... he drove off in a huff. Really? That doesn't sound like Jack. I mean, he's the one who offered to help in the first place. Yeah, and I really need help at Maggie's. Maggie's? Are you kidding me? What? I didn't ask him to wait tables. I asked him to watch over the place. Casey: See right here? These are the famous Tim Fleming people skills at work. Tim: What does that mean? Casey: It means I don't why you're trying to push him away. You just took on all these high school rodeos, you could use Jack's help here. I have got it under control. I've even carved out a little Casey time... Casey: Yeah? Tim: Yeah, you and me, we're going fly fishing, tomorrow. Casey: You can't afford to take a day off, mister. Tim: You know what they say? All work and no play... Casey: Please! Tim: Come here. Casey: Woo! (Laughing) (Kissing) (Birds chirp outside) (Approaching footsteps) Jeff: Hey! Georgie: Oh, hey. You're back early. Yeah, the bands were pretty lame. This your new horse? Yeah, yeah, Checkers. Phoenix must be all jealous. Well, as long as there's someone to jump him, he's pretty happy. My friend Stephen's helping out with that. Stephen, huh? How good a friend we talking here? Really? This guy's your... boyfriend? No. He's not my boyfriend. All right. So... Jade, what do you think of her? Yeah, she seemed pretty cool for a... one of those university types. Georgie: University? Jeff: Yeah, she was going on about her classes at the U of C, but... I can never understand why people blow their cash on philosophy courses and basket weaving when... they could all be making money in the real world. Georgie: Hmm. What? Nothing. Come on, Georgie, what's wrong? Just... I hate when people pretend to be something they're not. I guess you know your brother pretty well by now. Uh... yeah, I guess. You're probably wondering why I've been acting so strange? Well, yeah. You have been acting a little different lately. Well, the truth is... I... I got fired. Georgie: Fired? Jeff: Don't worry, I'll-I'll be fine. But I don't really wanna get into it, so I'd prefer if you didn't tell anyone, okay? 'Kay. (Screen door opens, snaps shut) Jack: Hello, Georgie! Oh, you're not talking. You all right? Yeah. Actually, no. No, I'm not. Well, what's wrong? Well, you know when you think things are going a certain way, but... then you find out they're the exact opposite? Mm... what happened? Um... I'm sorry, Jack. I can't... I can't say anything. I'm sorry. (Truck rumbles to a halt) (Gearshift clunks, engine cuts out) Well, you did great out there, Amy. I couldn't have done it without your jacket. (Amy and Ty chuckle, kiss) Amy: See ya. Ty: Okay. Amy: Oh, hey! Did you talk to Wade this morning and tell him you can make it to family day? Ty: Uh... not yet. I thought you were gonna call him first thing? I know. Um... I will... do it. Why don't you just tell me what's going on? Amy, I just don't like those places, all right? So... (Door bangs shut) I'm listening. All right. Um... I haven't been able to sleep the last couple of days. I uh... I can't get these memories out of my head. Memories... Like visiting your mom in rehab? Yeah. First time, I was... eight years old and I didn't even know what the place was. My mom was so sick, um, I thought she was dying. I can't even imagine. Yeah... When I got older, I thought she was doing it to herself... And there was nothing I could do about it. Truth is, there still isn't, so... I'm gonna go with you. Amy, that's... that's not the point. I'm not... Amy: Yeah, yes, it is. You have a different life now, Ty, and I am a part of it. So I'm gonna face this with you, okay? Ty: Hey, Wade. It- yeah, I'm good. Listen, about next week. It looks like Amy and I will both be able to come out, so- (birds chirp outside) Uh... okay. Are you sure? Oh. Uh... Thanks for letting me know. Okay. Bye. (Phone beeps off) [SCENE_BREAK] (Dogs bark) Ty: Good morning. Scott: Hey. Field call? Yeah, it won't be long though. So, uh, it turns out I won't need that time off after all. I told you we'd be fine. I know. Just a... change of plans. (Bag rustles) Ty: So, uh, how's Emmett doing? He's still here, actually. Says he's not going back home. What do you mean? He wants to move to Edmonton, quit the relay. Ty: Well, what'd you say to him? Scott: What can I say? I left home and quit the relay when I was way younger than he is. He's just following in his Uncle's footsteps. (Dogs bark) Georgie: Yes, Lou. I've checked all her clothes before putting them in the dryer. Jack: (Whispering) Georgie! don't hang up. Georgie: (Whispers) Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Jack wants to talk to you. Okay. Okay. Okay, I love you too. 'Kay, bye. (Phone beeps off) Georgie: She is on a walk in Stanley Park with Peter. She says she'll call you back later. What? Lou said she'd call you back. Jack: No, no, it's not that. It's Georgie. Yesterday, she seemed a little out of sorts, but she didn't wanna talk about it, so I let it go. I don't know, you think she's worrying about Lou and Peter? Well, you can't blame her for wondering what's going on. Lou's been away a lot longer than expected. I hope everything's going all right. A romantic stroll in the park sounds promising. Yeah... hopefully she's not having too much fun. Jack: Why's that? Amy: Well, if Lou loves Vancouver as much as Peter, then she might move the whole family there. (Horse nickers, birds chirp) Jade: Hey, kid. What's with you? Georgie: University? Jade: I was just trying to look smart, okay? Georgie: Okay, well then wear a pair of glasses or something. Just stop pretending to be older. Well, he might think it's weird, you know, dating someone in high school. Georgie: Dating? Jade: It's possible. Georgie: Okay, well, in this fantasy world, where my brother is your boyfriend, when are you gonna tell him the truth? At the prom? Just chill out, okay? It's no big deal. (Door bangs shut nearby) Georgie: He's gonna find out. (Footsteps thud on the stairs) Jeff: What was that all about? Nothing. So I've been looking through the want ads. A lot of great jobs out there for a guy with a high school education. Short order cook, house painter, barista, Oh, and newspaper delivery man. (Chuckles, sighs heavily) (Footsteps clunk on stairs) (Car doors open) Jack: Hello there. Can I help you? Rodney: Rodney Cantrell. I'm here to see Tim Fleming. Oh. Well, I think you got the wrong place. He's over at Big River. Oh, I know, but he told me to meet him here... For my son's roping lesson. Oh, he did, did he? Okay, just uh... Let me sort something out real quick. Hang on. Derek: Come on, dad, he's not here. Rodney: Why don't you just be patient? We'll sort it out. Jack: Okay, I don't know where you are, but it looks like one of your big wig sponsor is here and I'm not gonna bail your butt outta this. (Snaps phone shut) Jack: Here's the thing... Rodney: Now you're not gonna tell us we drove all the way out here for nothing. Jack: Well, actually... Rodney: Oh, geez. You know I almost invested in this school? What is it? Some kind of a sham or something? Uh, no, of course not. I uh... It's my mistake. I thought that you were coming tomorrow is all. Yeah, so... I'm Jack. I'll be teaching the roping lesson. Rodney: Uh, Derek? Derek: Hi. Jack: Jack. (Dogs bark, cats meow, approaching footsteps) I got your text. Look, I know this is your decision to make, but... Ty: Amy... I really think you should reconsider. I think we should go see your mom. Ty: I do too. Amy: Oh? It's my mom... She doesn't wanna see me. Amy: What? Ty: It's like Wade said. She wants to keep things "low key." It's her choice, right? She must just be afraid. You know, she doesn't want you to see her like that either. Ty: Well, it is what it is. Everybody's got their family issues. And after all the work you did yesterday, Emmett's quitting the relay, if you can believe it. Amy: Really? Well, he's gotta just be afraid of another wreck. Well, I can't say that I blame him. What if you never got back on your motorcycle after the accident? I mean, you can't just live life in fear. Well, seems like that's exactly what Emmett's doing right now. Yeah... and your mom. Jack: Yeah, see you're not rolling your wrist enough. Derek: Yes I am. Jack: Well, no you're not. That's why you're having trouble keeping your loop open. Derek: Can I just throw it already? Jack: Not until you get your swing down. Derek: (Annoyed sigh) (Rope whooshes) Jack: Okay, here. I'll show you one more time. Now watch my wrist. And when I roll it, i can see the back of my hand, you know? Now point your finger down the spoke like I showed you and roll your wrist. (Rope whooshes) Ugh! How am I supposed to point my finger and twist my wrist at the same time? Jack: It'll come. Derek: No it won't. This is impossible! Jack: Okay, look, I can see that you're frustrated, but you're gonna have to put in a little effort here. Otherwise, you're wasting both our time. Wasting your time? My dad paid good money for this. Listen. I'll work for free if you show me just a little bit of grit. Now cowboy up, son. Or would you rather give up, go back to the city? (Rope thunks on ground) Rodney: I'll call you back. Derek: This is a waste of time. What the hell did you say to my kid? Oh, he'll tell you all about it, I have no doubt. Derek: Let's go! That spoiled brat had it coming. Well, maybe he did, or maybe I'm just kidding myself. That he could actually swing a rope? Jack: No, that I could actually teach him to swing a rope. (Knock at the door) Emmett: Uncle Scott? Ty: Hey, Emmett. He's actually out on a field call right now. Supposed to meet him for lunch. Ty: Oh. Well... (Cage door clicks shut) He should be back any minute. Do you, uh, want a coffee or... something? No, I'm good. So uh... Scott tells me you're not racing in the finals. Nope. Well, that's too bad. I mean, it's a dangerous sport, I mean I get why you're scared. I'm not afraid of getting hurt. Ty: Hey, honestly, I don't blame you Look, I got a lot to live up to, okay? Ty: What do you mean? With Scott? Emmett: It's tough living in the shadow of a champion. Ty: Champion? Really? Scott never told me that part. Emmett: Yeah, he was a hero on our reservation. We'd all go see him race. Hmm. Then, one day, he just... left us. I was mad at him for years. Now I get it. There's more to life than relay. Who needs the pressure? Ty: Huh. So you're not afraid of getting hurt... You're afraid of losing? Just tell Scott I'll be at the restaurant. (Receding footsteps) Tim: I just got off the phone with Rodney Cantrell. You know who I'm talking about. The guy that was gonna throw money at my school. What the hell were you thinking?! He was trying to save your butt. Tim: Thanks a lot. You just blew my sponsorship deal. Casey: C'mon, Tim. Jack: Hey! You are the one who dropped the ball here. You got too much on your plate and you're just too damn proud to admit it! Tim: See? Now you know why I didn't ask you to get involved in the first place. (Door opens) (Footsteps crunch on gravel) Georgie: Okay, that was totally unfair. I'm not in the mood, Georgie. (Frustrated sigh) (Crunch of receding footsteps) She's right, you know. I mean, you're the one who can't manage your schedule. Tim: You know, I can talk my way out of a missed appointment, I can't salvage that. You didn't even ask Jack's side of the story. Because I know how it goes. He sticks his nose in my business and it ends up bad. Do you think you might be overreacting a little bit? Casey... you have no idea what it's been like dealing with him all these years. Trust me. I am gonna end up looking like the bad guy here. Are you mad at me too now? I just thought you might have my back. (Door clicks open and bangs shut) (Birds chirp, feet scuff in the hay) Jeff: (Sighs heavily) Georgie: You say you're fine, but I know you're not. Can't you just tell me what happened? I thought it was going so well up there? It was... until my boss moved to another company, and the new guy... had it in for me from the start. Why? He didn't think that I had enough experience to run my own crew... And he was gonna demote me. Wait. So you weren't actually fired? It's the same thing. How could I face the guys that I work with? They'd think that I wasn't up to the job... And... maybe they'd be right. (Sighs heavily) So what're you gonna do? (Sighs) I was on this path and... I knew where I was going, but he just completely knocked me off of it. And now I just feel like uh... I don't know, it's... it's hard to explain. (Diners chatter) Scott: So how're you getting there? The bus I guess. Where are you gonna stay? I got a friend who lives downtown, says I can crash on his couch for a while. (Low hum of chatter) You got something to say just say it. Leaving the relay was the biggest mistake of my life, Emmett. (Snorts softly) Things seem to have turned out pretty good for you. It could've went the other way, trust me. The relay kept me focused. There was always a horse to take care of or a race to go to. And when I left, i didn't have that anymore. I didn't know what to do with myself and it led me down a very dark path that could've... landed me in jail, or worse. You can't be serious. You're actually trying to talk me out of doing the exact same thing you did? You're right; Talk is cheap. How about this. I'm gonna challenge you to a race. (Laughs) What? Are you crazy or something? Maybe. But here's the deal. If I win, you go to the finals, and then you go home, or at least until you find something worth leaving for. And... when I kick your butt? I'll give you a ride to Edmonton myself, and I won't bring up the relay ever again. All right, Uncle. Let's race. (Chair scrapes back) Rodeo and sports. That's the approbate viewing here at Maggie's. Okay? Waitress: All right. Tim: Good. Simple. Rodeo and sports. You can't talk to people that way. Tim: Excuse me? Georgie: I meant the way you were talking to Jack. Oh, here we go again. Okay. Georgie: Look, I was there. All he did was challenge the kid. You know Jack, he tells it like it is. don't you think you could use someone like that? Tim: Georgie, I appreciate you telling me how to run my business, but I don't have time. So why don't you go have a seat and I'll bring a couple of shakes over for you and gloomy Gus over there. Georgie: That's not funny. Tim: So what was his problem at dinner the other night? He doesn't want me to say anything. Tim: Oh, come on, you can tell me. I'm almost your grandpa or something. Yeah, actually, you are my grandpa. Fine, whatever. Come on, tell your ol' gramps what's wrong with him. Got canned, huh? Jeff: Uh... not exactly. Tim: don't look at your sister like that. It's not her fault. She's loves you and she's worried. So you got canned. So what? You gotta buck up. You just gotta get back in the saddle. I guess that's the cowboy's answer for everything, right? I just... get back on the horse and then I'm fine... Tim: Yeah, it is, only you gotta do it with swagger. Can you run that crew? Jeff: Well, I mean I can... Tim: And never mind what nimrod boss thinks. Can you run that crew? Jeff: Yeah. I was doing a pretty good job. Tim: Good. So you go back to him and tell him you want a chance to prove yourself. Can you do that? Jeff: Yeah! Tim: With swagger! (Laughs) With swagger... Tim: What're you smiling at? Nothing. Sometimes you just... sound a lot like Jack. Emmett: It's been a long time. You must be getting pretty scared there, hey, Uncle? Scott: Oh, the start of a relay is like... heading into the eye of a storm. Best thing to do is hold on and ride it out. Emmett: So you're old and wise now, huh? Scott: (Laughs) Emmett: Is that what I think it is? Scott: What, this old thing? Championship buckle? You should've left it in the '90s. Scott: (Laughs) (Coffee pours, door opens) Tim: Jack? Jack: I'm in no mood for your BS. Tim: Wait a second, before you lay into me. (Sighs) I wanted to say I'm sorry for what I said. Jack: Hey, save it, Tim. It's your school. You do what you want. Tim: That's right, it is. I want your help. And why would I do that? Tim: Do you... why do you have to make everything so difficult? I want you to help me because I can't do it all by myself. I wanted to, believe me, if for no other reason than to just say that I finally saw something through. But I can't do it. It's too much, Jack, I need your help. And you're the guy. The way you dealt with that kid, that's exactly how i would've done it. Then why did you come unglued on me? Tim: I don't know. I did the same thing to Casey when we left. When... I was fly fishing with Casey, I got a text... from Shane. Everything okay? Miranda's getting married... This weekend. Amy: Okay, on my cue. Man: Do it, buddy! Come on! Woman: You can do this! Woo! Amy: Go! (Horses snort nervously) Scott: Ungh! (Hooves thunder, onlookers cheer) Ty: Come on, Scott! Amy: That's right, Scott! You can do it! Ty: Let's go! Come on! (Hooves thunder) Amy: Okay, make sure Barega stays looking forward. (Onlookers cheer, hooves thunder) (Onlookers cheer) Come on! (Hooves strike loudly, horses grunt) (Hooves thunder) (Onlookers cheer) Come on! Woo! (Hooves thunder) (Hooves thunder to a halt) Amy: 'Kay, Scott, go, go, go, go, go! Amy: I got it! I got it! Man: Come on, Emmett! Ty: Ready? Go! Go! Emmett: Get outta my way, Ty! Go! (Onlookers cheer) Emmett: Hyah! (Hooves thunder, Ty and Amy laugh) Ty: Wow! That was crazy. Amy: Okay, Scott, go! (Hooves thunder) Amy: Open it up! Open it up! Ty: Run, Scott, run! (Hooves thunder, horse grunts) (Hooves thunder) Amy: Yeah, come on! Come on! Ty: Go, Scott! (Hooves strike heavily) (Onlookers cheer) Ty: Wow! Amy: That was intense! Ty: Yeah, what a race. (Loud buzz of chatter) Amy: It's just... too bad. Ty: Yeah. Thanks so much for us in. My heart is still racing. Scott: You guys did great. Ty: I can't actually believe that was you out there. You were really good. Scott: Not good enough. (Light tap) Emmett: Time to pay up, Uncle. Scott: Yeah. I guess you won fair and square. (Keys jangle) Nah, put those away. Not going anywhere. I want the buckle. To wear to the finals. You're gonna race! For years, I worried I couldn't live up to what you did in relay. I guess I was wrong, 'cause... I kicked your butt really good. (Laughing) Emmett: Thanks, Amy. (Birds chirp) Jade: I'm not a horrible person. What? No. Look, you never should've lied to my brother, but I never said you were a horrible person. Maybe a little boy crazy... hey! Well... maybe a little. (Sighs) You know he's upstairs in the loft packing, if you wanna go say goodbye. No. I feel too stupid about everything. Wait... So you're telling me you came all the way over here just to make sure I didn't think you were a horrible person? Mm-hmm. Oh my God, you know what this means? You actually care what I think... Okay, shut up. (Approaching footsteps) Jeff: Hey. Georgie: Hey! Jade: Hey. Here, I'll take this to the truck. Jeff: Oh. All right. O-kay. I have to tell you something. I'm in high school. I'm only seventeen. Jeff: Oh yeah? Well, um... I haven't exactly been... myself the last couple of days either. So... next time I'm back, would you consider going out with me again? The... real me? Jade: I'll think about it. Georgie: Ahem! Guys, still here. (Phone rings) (Phone beeps on) Jack: Hello. Well, Lou, sweetheart. Hey, I thought you were gonna call me back yesterday. Oh? Well that is fantastic news. I'll pick you up at the airport myself. (Door opens) Tim: Jack?! Oh... oh? Oh, okay. Well, then we'll see you here tomorrow then. Okay. Yeah, bye. (Phone beeps off) Jack: Lou's coming home. (Phone beeps off) Tim: Good. Great. Jack: Boy, this Miranda thing's really got you twisted up. Tim: I can't-I can't stop reading this text. Like... look- look at this. Shane writes: "You'll never believe this. Mom's getting married, dot, dot, dot, this Saturday - in capitals - exclamation mark." I interpret that, that he thinks she's rushing into it. Jack: Well... maybe it means that he's excited; that he thinks it's a good thing. Well, you know, I don't know how people think this is even communicating. Just call him, exclamation mark! Yeah, I should... I will. I... I'll call him, get it all straightened out. (Door opens, truck rumbles to a halt) (Doors clank open, bang shut) Amy: Are you coming in? Ty: No. I just wanted to give you a proper goodbye. (Kissing) Wow. That wasn't a "see ya tomorrow" kind of kiss. I'm going to visit my mom. What made you change your mind? I don't know. Maybe it was this whole Scott and Emmett thing... Seeing the kind of impact you can have on your family. I wanna help her stay clean this time. Amy: I still wanna come with you. Ty: I want you to come too. But I gotta think about what's best for mom. She's got a lot of pride, you know what I mean? Amy: I get it. You go. I'm gonna miss you though. (Kissing) You know, your mom is really lucky to have you. So am I. Ty: (Chuckles softly) I love you. I love you too. (Kiss) ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ♪ I'll see you on the other side... ♪ (Engine starts) (Truck rumbles away) ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ♪ ♪ ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ooh... Ooh... ♪ ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh... ♪
doc_268	LUCAS (voiceover) : My name is Lucas Scott. Four years ago, I graduated from high school with my friends. Brooke Davis moved to New York City and found success. Peyton Sawyer went to Los Angeles. Success didn't come so easily. I wrote a novel and fell for my editor, Lindsey. My brother Nathan saw his dreams vanish... leaving his wife, Haley, and their son, Jamie, more fractured than ever. Things have changed in four years. But in many ways, this is just the beginning. BROOKE : I missed you, P. Sawyer. We're home now. PEYTON : Come on. LUCAS'S BEDROOM Brooke sneaks inside the room and jumps on the bed BROOKE : You're not Lucas! LINDSEY : You're Brooke Davis! BROOKE : Yeah. Hi. You're... wearing me. Clothes Over Bro's is my line. LINDSEY : Yeah, I love it. BROOKE : Thanks. LINDSEY : And you are so pretty in person. BROOKE : Thanks. So are you. LINDSEY : Okay, this hasn't happened to me since college. BROOKE : Right. Okay. (Lucas walks in) LUCAS : Wow, this hasn't happened to me since college. BROOKE : Hi, Luke. LUCAS : Brooke Davis. Oh, I missed you. DOWNTOWN TREE HILL Skills is with Jamie SKILLS : So, what do you want to do today? JAMIE : I don't know. Play, I guess. SKILLS : Yeah, me, too. JAMIE : Don't you have a job? SKILLS : What are you, the man? I don't see you paying any rent. JAMIE : That's because I don't have any money. SKILLS : Well, that makes two of us. Now, let's just go over the drill. If we see any hot chicks today, who are you? JAMIE : I'm an orphan who needs surgery, and you're paying for it, 'cause you're rich. SKILLS : Good man. JAMIE : Whoa... (Jamie sees a small racer) SKILLS : Soapbox Derby. Man, when I was a kid, I always wanted to do this. SKILLS : Me, too. It's a good thing you're still a kid, 'cause we got two days to pimp your ride. JAMIE : Can uncle Mouth help me pimp my ride? SKILLS : I don't think so. See, uncle Mouth finally got a j-o-b. JAMIE : That spells "job." SKILLS : Man, you're getting way too smart. It was a lot easier when you was 3. MOUTH'S NEW JOB Mouth walks in a recording studio and sits behind the desk, like if he was the sports announcer. MOUTH : Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Marvin McFadden, and sports is coming up next. (a women walks in) ALICE : What, exactly, are you doing? MOUTH : Oh, the station called about the field-reporter position? ALICE : Field reporter... little ambitious, don't you think? The job that we called you about is an entry-level logger position. We could hire a monkey to do that but the freaks at Peta would more than likely picket. MOUTH : But I guess I assumed... ALICE : First door on the left. You watch the games, you highlight the best plays, and you leave the log for on-air. If you cannot accomplish that, you are currently wasting my time. MOUTH : I'm sorry, but you are still looking for a reporter, aren't you? ALICE : The answer to your question, yes. Let us be honest... you don't really have the face for it, do you? CLASSROOM IN TREE HILL HIGH Haley is starting her class HALEY : All right, good morning. This is actually my first official day as a teacher, and you're my first official class. So, congratulations. My name is... Haley... James... QUENTIN : That is some fine ass. HALEY : All right, first of all, that's no way to talk to a girl, any girl, and second of all, that is absolutely no way to speak to a teacher. QUENTIN : I'm sorry. It was me. Just trying to give you a compliment. HALEY : What's your name? QUENTIN : Quentin Fields. HALEY : Okay. Sit down, Quentin. QUENTIN : Yes, ma'am. Won't happen again, miss James. HALEY : Actually, it's Mrs. Scott. QUENTIN : Damn, that ass. HALEY : Okay, all right. Get out. You need to go to the office. QUENTIN : Oh, to the office. Maybe we could go together. Maybe you could just spank me right here. STUDENT : Yeah, Mrs. Scott! QUENTIN : Ooh, harder, Mrs. James-Scott! HALEY : All right, settle down. QUENTIN : Spank me, Mrs. James-Scott! HALEY : I said, "settle down!" HALEY : Class! STUDENTS : Class! HALEY : I have just... STUDENTS : I have just... (Haley leaves the classroom) QUENTIN : Baby, come back! RIVERWALK Brooke joins Peyton BROOKE : Hey PEYTON : hey BROOKE : Hey, how much do you love me? I went to see Lindsey, Luke's girlfriend. I have good news and bad news. PEYTON : Luke and I haven't been together for three years. It's not why I'm home. BROOKE : I totally believe you. Fine. (Brooke's phone rings) BROOKE : Ooh, the office. They're just figuring out I'm not in Milan. I bet Victoria's having a cow. PEYTON : You think maybe you should call and let her know you're alive? BROOKE : No. No, I have a more important question to ask you. What happened after Lucas finished his book? FLASHBACK, 2 YEARS AGO, LOS ANGELES/ TREE HILL Peyton is walking in the street, her cell phone rings. On the other side, Lucas is at home. PEYTON : Hello? LUCAS : Hey, it's Lucas. I know it's been awhile, but... I'm having a book signing in L.A. on a couple of days. PEYTON : Yeah, I know. I mean, I read about it. LUCAS : Yeah, I've been pacing the house for the last hour wondering if I should call, considering how we left things. PEYTON : No, it's okay. It's actually really good to hear your voice. LUCAS : Yours, too. Well, I was hoping... I'd love to see you if you're not too busy. PEYTON : Yeah... yeah, okay. Sure, I'll be there. LUCAS : That's great, Peyton. Well, then, I... I'll see you soon, then. PEYTON : See you soon. END OF THE FLASHBACK INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM Lucas is talking to the basketball players with Skills LUCAS : My name is Lucas Scott. I'm the new head basketball coach of the Tree Hill Ravens. This is Antwon Taylor. He's the new assistant head coach. You want our credentials? They're hanging right there. (showing the flag of their state championship victory) I must congratulate you. For some of you, it took only four years to destroy the legacy coach Durham took 35 years to build. Nice work. So, as of today, all 12 roster spots are available. It doesn't matter if you played last year. In three days, we'll have our final roster. If you want to be on it, then I would advise you go hard. Skills? SKILLS : I would definitely go hard. LUCAS : One-on-two drill. SKILLS : Everybody line up at half court. Haley walks into the gym, takes Jamie who's sitting on the bench and walks to Lucas JAMIE : Mama, I'm gonna race in a soap-opera derby. HALEY : What? LUCAS : How was your first day? HALEY : Um, horrible. My first class, like, attacked me, and I ran out in tears, and principal Turner had to finish the rest of my classes. LUCAS : I'm sorry, Hales. HALEY : They were awful, so mean... especially this one kid, who was, like, sexually harassing me. LUCAS : What? Who was it? (Quentin enters the gym) HALEY : Him. QUENTIN : Hello, there, Mrs. James-Scott. HALEY : We'll see you later, okay? LUCAS (to Quentin) : You're late. QUENTIN : Yeah? I'm also your leading scorer. LUCAS : No, you might have been a leading scorer on a team that won three conference games all last season. But you are not my leading scorer... not yet. (Quentin takes a ball and makes a dunk) OUTSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is alone, thinking SPORTS ANNOUNCER (voiceover) : Seattle is on the clock right now. We'll get to the commissioner in regards to their pick. They going big? They going small? Somebody help! Somebody! (Peyton and Brooke walk in) PEYTON : Well... BROOKE : Well. Don't look away. The second and third greatest nights of your life just walked back into your world. PEYTON : You looking all rock star totally does it for me. BROOKE : Very heroin chic, Nate. I like it. NATHAN : What are you guys doing here? BROOKE : Well, Lucas tells me that you can walk, but you need a little incentive. So we have come up with a drill. PEYTON : For every step you take... we kiss. (They hug him) PEYTON : Hey, it's good to see you. BROOKE : We missed you. HALEY : Nathan... (Haley is coming outside with Jamie. She stops when she sees her friends) PEYTON : Hey BROOKE : Hi HALEY : Hi... What are you guys doing here? BROOKE : We came to see you and... HALEY : Oh, Jamie, sweetie, come here. There's people I want you to meet. Come on, it's okay. This is Brooke and Peyton, and this is our son, Jamie. PEYTON : Hey, Jamie. How are you? BROOKE : He is beautiful (Nathan leaves) BROOKE : Nate? (The three girls hug) BROOKE : We missed you. BOYS APARTMENT Lucas and Skills are with Jamie, taking care of his racer LUCAS : Man, I've always wanted one of these things. SKILLS : Yeah, me, too. JAMIE : Me, too. SKILLS : I think we should paint it red. You know, the red racer. Yo, kid, talk to me about the cape. What's the real? JAMIE : I'm a superhero. SKILLS : Is that right? Why don't you fly to the kitchen and get me a beer? LUCAS : So, what's your take on the team's former leading scorer? SKILLS : Quentin? The kid's pretty good. LUCAS : The kid's really good. Now we just got to figure out if we can get him to play a team game, you know? JAMIE : Can I have pudding? SKILLS : You can read, right? SKILLS : If the pudding says "Junk" or "Fergie," you can have it. JAMIE : Thank you. LUCAS : Hey, and just one, okay? No, I mean, it's like, I don't know if they lost all those games because they didn't have enough guys on the team like him. SKILLS : Or maybe they just lost because of him. LUCAS : You know who he reminds me of. SKILLS : Yeah. OUTSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Jamie and Haley join Nathan JAMIE : Hi, daddy. Did you see my basketball? NATHAN : No. HALEY : You okay? (Nathan doesn't answer) HALEY : "I'm fine, wife. How was your day? You know, husband, my day really sucked, but thanks for asking." NATHAN : And mine didn't? HALEY : That's just a little selfish, don't you think? NATHAN : No. No, I don't think. And I didn't see you lose your dream. HALEY : Maybe you need to open up your eyes. Where's Jamie? Jamie? Jamie! CARRIE (bringing Jamie back) : This belong to you? BOYS APARTMENT Brooke visits Mouth BROOKE : Wine delivery from New York City. MOUTH : Wow, I called for that wine two years ago. Get in here! Come on. INSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Haley's interviewing Carrie HALEY : Can I just ask why you decided to become a nanny? CARRIE : Honestly, because I get paid to work with some really great kids. Eventually, I'd like to maybe go back to school and study to be a pediatrician... someday, when I have someone else's life and income. Look, Haley, I know when you go to interviews like this, both sides are trying to figure out how crazy the other person is. HALEY : Are you doing that, too? CARRIE : I get it, but I've taken enough of your time. You have my references, and Jamie seems like a wonderful boy, so just let me know. Either way, it was great meeting you. It was great to meet you, too. Thank you so much. (Jamie enters the kitchen with mud all over him) JAMIE : Look, mama! Me and daddy made mud! HALEY : I'm sorry. Who am I kidding? How soon could you start? BOYS APARTMENT Skills sneaks inside Mouth's room, where Brooke and Mouth are sleeping, still dressed. He lies down beside Brooke and take a picture. That awakes Brooke. SKILLS : Well, imagine that. Brooke Davis. BROOKE : What time is it? SKILLS : Like, 8:30. BROOKE : Oh, no. (Brooke stand up) BROOKE : I told Haley I'd take Jamie! (Mouth wakes up too) SKILLS (to Mouth) : That was some wild night, baby. MOUTH : What time is it? SKILLS : Like, 8:30. MOUTH : Oh, no, I'm late for work! BROOKE : Jamie, have you seen my shoes? I'm supposed to go and pick up... Jamie...What are you doing here? JAMIE : Mommy brought me over. She said not to wake you. BROOKE : Right. You ever had a wine hangover? I had a floppy-eared bunny named Chester. MOUTH : I got to go. I'm late for work. It's great to see you, Brooke. Hi, Jamie! MOUTH'S OFFICE Mouth arrives at work. Alice sees him ALICE : Well, well, well. Somebody just got strike two. MOUTH : Look, Alice, I think we got off to the wrong start. I just want you to know that I'm honored to be a part of your staff, and I'm looking forward to working for you and learning... ALICE : I really don't like you. MOUTH : Well, what can I do to change that? ALICE : Quit... before I fire you. BOYS APARTMENT Brooke and Jamie are talking about his racer BROOKE : Jamie, this thing is really awesome. JAMIE : Yeah. BROOKE : Yeah? What? Aren't you excited about your big race? (Brooke put Jamie inside the racer) JAMIE : I guess, but it's suppose be my car, and they're not letting me do anything. BROOKE : Well, then, you better stand up for yourself, huh? JAMIE : What do you mean? BROOKE : Well, like, what color do you want it to be? JAMIE : Red and blue like daddy's, but they want it red, like Elmo. And I hate Elmo. Grover's so much better. Grover's blue. BROOKE : I so agree with you. Blue it is. You've got to take a stand, Jamie. If you start giving in now, it's just gonna get worse, trust me. JAMIE : I'm glad you're my godmother. BROOKE : Me, too, buddy. Now let's go get some paint. Come here! I got you! TREE HILL HIGH Haley arrives in her classroom. Principal Turner is waiting for her HALEY : Hi, principal Turner. TURNER : Haley, I thought I'd join you for a few days. HALEY : I can do this on my own. TURNER : I know, but you're young, and sometimes, the students take advantage of that. Let's get you walking, and then you can run. INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM Practice SKILLS : Run, run, run! Pick it up! LUCAS : Blue team, two-on-two zone! QUENTIN : We don't play no zones, coach. LUCAS : You do, if I say so. QUENTIN : You stay in man to man, I can do this. (Quentin makes a dunk) TREE HILL HOSPITAL Peyton is taking Nathan to the pediatric ward NATHAN : Just take me home, Peyton, okay? I'm not feeling this today. PEYTON : Maybe not, but the doctors are. NATHAN : The doctors weren't the ones with a piece of glass in their spine and nerve damage four f'ing months ago. Anyway, it's not like I'll ever play basketball again. PEYTON : You know what? First of all, shut up and take a look around. You have a life that any one of these kids would die for. And what's really sad is that most of them probably will. (Peyton leaves Nathan in the middle of the ward) INSIDE CLUB TRIC Brooke, Peyton and Haley are at the bar BROOKE : So, that morning, I'm reading an article about how she's recently sober, and that night, she's in the booth next to me at a club, wasted. PEYTON : And then my label signs her to a record deal. I'm sorry. I can't be a part of that. BROOKE : Ladies, here's to not being a part of it. HALEY : Here's to taming my demonic english class. BROOKE : No, no, we're not going there 'cause this song is insane. PEYTON : Yeah. (The three girls go on the dance floor and find Mouth) BROOKE : Mouth! MOUTH : My boss hates me. BROOKE : So, shut up and dance. HALEY : I think that's Lindsey. Hey. Hey. (Lindsey joins the group) HALEY : Hey, come here! Hi! How are you? BROOKE : Hey, you. I want you to meet my best friend... (She's looking for Peyton who disappear) BROOKE : ...not that guy. I don't know where she went. RACE PLACE, NIGHT Lucas, Skills, Fergie, Junk are with Jamie SKILLS : So, here's the plan. I figured we'd do a couple test runs, you know, work out the kinks. Then tomorrow night, Big-Game James here gonna smoke all those little brats. LUCAS : Yeah, boy. SKILLS : All right, I give to you the red racer! LUCAS : The blue bullet. JAMIE : Brooke helped me. SKILLS : Yeah. Look, well, it don't matter. You ready to try it, Flash? (Jamie shake his head) Figured that much. So, check this out. We're gonna use this mannequin for the first run. All right. Let's roll! (They let go the racer, but it loses one of its wheel and the mannequin loses his head) SKILLS : Oh, man, we gonna have to fix that. INSIDE CLUB TRIC Peyton is alone, Lindsey comes to see her LINDSEY : Hi. PEYTON : Oh, hi. LINDSEY : Lindsey. PEYTON : Peyton. LINDSEY : I know this is awkward, but I just wanted to say hi. And I know I don't know you, but I feel like I do. At least, the version of you from the book. You seemed really brave. PEYTON : Thanks. LINDSEY : Anyway, I hope to see you around, Peyton. Take care. (Lindsey leaves and Brooke joins Peyton) PEYTON : Damn it, I really didn't want to like her. BROOKE : I know, but she's great, right? Sorry. Carrie sees Haley in the club CARRIE : Haley? HALEY : Oh, Carrie, hi. CARRIE : Hi. Oh, my gosh, I probably look like a boozehound. I was just celebrating with some friends. You look fine. You look great. MOUTH : Really great. CARRIE : Thanks. Listen, I just want you to know that I appreciate you taking a chance on me. I'm gonna take good care of Jamie, I promise. HALEY : Oh, I know you will. You're gonna do just fine. CARRIE : Thanks. Well, I'll see you soon. HALEY : Okay, you have a great night. CARRIE : Bye. HALEY : Bye. MOUTH : Bye. (Carrie leaves. Brooke and Peyton join them) BROOKE : And, Mouth, who was that? HALEY : Oh, that's Carrie. She's our new nanny. BROOKE : I'm sorry. Have you lost your mind? She cannot be your new nanny. HALEY : Why? PEYTON : Well, for starters, have you looked at her? She is way too hot. MOUTH : Okay, you two need to stop. Why does everything have to be about looks? Maybe she's a great nanny or a great field reporter. Shouldn't that be the point and not her looks? Besides, if Haley doesn't hire her, I won't get to see her in a bikini. HALEY : Nice. MOUTH : Damn, she was hot. HALEY : All right. I've got to go, you guys. I need to check up on Nathan. [SCENE_BREAK] RIVERCOURT, AT NIGHT BROOKE : Seems like another life. PEYTON : It was, for you. I mean, I appreciate you coming back and everything, but considering the way your phone's been blowing up, you have a very busy, very great life to get back to. BROOKE : Okay. I have a very important friend who needs me. Why did you come home, Peyton? PEYTON : I guess I was looking for that inspiration I felt when we wrote our names here, you know? I was fearless then, Brooke. BROOKE : So, what happened to that girl? PEYTON : That girl became assistant to the assistant. BROOKE : So, if you want to be the girl you thought you could be back then, start a label, Peyton. Do it yourself. I am serious. Peyton, I want to invest in your label. I believe in you. Okay? (Lucas arrives) BROOKE : Unless that's not really why you came home. I'm gonna return those phone calls real quick. (Brooke starts leaving) BROOKE (to Lucas) : Ask about the record label. LUCAS : I'm supposed to ask about the label. PEYTON : Yeah, Brooke wants me to start my own label here. LUCAS : Are you gonna do it? (She doesn't answer) PEYTON : I met Lindsey tonight. She seems wonderful. How long have you two been together? LUCAS : Why didn't you come to the book signing in L.A. two years ago? FLASHBACK, LOS ANGELES, TWO YEARS AGO Lucas' book signing. He is waiting with Lindsey LINDSEY : Wow. This is a great turnout. Listen, Luke, I know this is your first book as an author, but it was also my first book to edit, and I had the best year doing it. So, I just wanted to say thank you and I'm proud of you. (Lindsey kiss Lucas on his check) LINDSEY : Okay, you ready? LUCAS : Yeah. I guess everybody's here that's coming. END OF THE FLASHBACK, RIVERCOURT PEYTON : Luke, I knew we weren't meant to be. (Lucas seems really affected) LUCAS : I should get home. See you. LUCAS' HOUSE Lindsey is sitting on the couch, Lucas comes home LUCAS : Thought you'd be asleep by now. How was your night? LINDSEY : Good. I met Peyton. Let me ask you something. Do all of your ex-girlfriends have to be so damn pretty? LUCAS : Not like all my current girlfriends. LINDSEY : "All" better mean "one." (they kiss) LINDSEY : Do you know if they're back for a while? Brooke and Peyton? LUCAS : I don't know. Brooke wants to help Peyton start her own record label, maybe in Tree Hill. LINDSEY : You think she'll be good at it? LUCAS : Yeah, she'll be great at it. LINDSEY : Then if she needs help, you should help her. And I'll try my best not to be insanely jealous. EXTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is in front of the pool, Haley arrives HALEY : Hey, as soon as Brooke and Peyton get here, we're gonna take off, okay? NATHAN : I'm not going. HALEY : What? James is counting on you. NATHAN : I don't want anybody seeing me like this. HALEY : Has it occurred to you that this isn't about you? INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Brooke and Peyton arrive BROOKE : Haley, we're here! HALEY : Hey PEYTON : Hey BROOKE : Hi... So, I have a surprise. You're gonna like it. I made Jamie a little something for his race. (Jamie run into the living room) JAMIE : Look, mama! HALEY : Oh, my goodness, look at this! This is a real racing suit! BROOKE : And I even made you a sponsor, P. Sawyer. PEYTON : Oh, yeah? "Peyton Sawyer, unemployed." Thank you very much. BROOKE : You're welcome. JAMIE : I can't wait for daddy to see me! HALEY : Oh, baby, listen, daddy's just not feeling very well today. I'm sorry. JAMIE : He's not coming? HALEY : No. I'm sorry. But everybody else is gonna be there. PEYTON : Oh, yeah, I hear your uncle Lucas is coming, and Skills and Mouth and all the guys. I'm pretty sure he's gonna have the biggest crowd there. BROOKE : Absolutely. HALEY : Yeah, okay? Okay, come on. Come on. PEYTON : Let's do it, dude. BROOKE : Come on, buddy. Let's win a race. RACE CONTEST Haley arrives with Jamie HALEY : Hey... Here he is! SKILLS : There he is, lightning Jamie Scott! MOUTH : Hey, cool outfit, man. SKILLS : So, what's good, man? You ready to win this thing or what? RIVERSIDE NEAR THE RACE CONTEST Brooke's on the phone, Peyton is with her BROOKE : Okay, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and stop yelling and listen to me. No, you are yelling. You are yelling, and it's my company! Why are you yelling at me? There is a boy here. Yes, a boy. And... No, I don't... just... ugh! God! (Brooke throws her phone into the river) BROOKE (to Peyton) : Can I borrow your phone? BROOKE (on the phone): Hi, Millicent, it's me. No, it's great. I'm just gonna need a new phone. Okay, thanks. RACE CONTEST LUCAS : Hey, buddy. So, you're racing for Clothes Over Bro's now, huh? JAMIE : Peyton Sawyer, unemployed. GUY : Racers, to your cars! SKILLS : Let's go get 'em, Flash! BROOKE : All right, big guy, here you go. HALEY : Be careful, all right? LUCAS : Ready? PEYTON : Come on, buddy. LUCAS : All right, here we go. (Lucas put Jamie in his racer) LUCAS : Good? GUY : Okay, racers, when you're ready, place both hands on the steering wheel. SKILLS : Let's go, Big Jamie baby. You can do it. (Jamie is thinking about the other night with the mannequin) GUY : Hold up, hold up. Car 23, are you okay? JAMIE : I don't want to. GUY : Okay. Mom? HALEY : Hey, baby. What's going on? JAMIE : I don't want to race, mama. HALEY : You don't have to, but are you sure? I think it's gonna be really fun. JAMIE : I want to talk to Brooke. BROOKE : What's up, handsome? JAMIE : I don't want to do it, but I like my racing suit. BROOKE : The suit's yours, but are you sure you don't want to race? JAMIE : It's my life. I'm taking a stand. Is that okay? BROOKE : Yes, that's okay, honey. Come here. (Brooke take Jamie out of his racer) JAMIE : Sorry, uncle Skills. SKILLS : It's okay, buddy. SKILLS (to Jamie's contestant): You hear that? my man is taking a stand, blazing his own trail. Follower. INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is on the couch, Haley arrives HALEY : Well, he didn't race. He was afraid. You might know something about that. NATHAN : We're all afraid. HALEY : Yeah, but he's 4, and he needed his dad, and his dad wasn't there. Nice work, Dan. (Haley gets angry and throws some dishes away) HALEY : Are you gonna say anything, or are you just gonna sit there like you have for the last four months? You gonna get drunk, maybe pout a little, cry? NATHAN : You don't get it, do you? I used to be somebody, Haley. Do you understand that? Do you understand what that means? I used to be Nathan Scott, and I was great. And I should have walked away, okay? I know that, and I didn't do it. And now I'm nothing, and I have nothing. HALEY : You have nothing?! You have a beautiful son who is here! I am here! You have got to figure out who you're gonna be in this, Nathan, because this version of you does not work for us. I cannot keep living like this, okay? Do you understand what I'm saying? One more night like this, Nathan, and I promise you, you will have nothing! INTERIOR CLUB TRIC, DAYTIME The club is empty. Lucas is there, Peyton arrives PEYTON : Little early, don't you think? Usually don't start my hard drinking till at least noon. LUCAS : Come here. I want to show you something. (Lucas open a big door inside the club) LUCAS : I talked to my mom, and... we decided we want you to have it. Rent-free, under one condition... that it becomes office space for your new label. And I've already talked to Brooke, so I don't think you have any more excuses. PEYTON : You know that four years ago I would have jumped at this. LUCAS : But what? Doesn't seem so cut-and-dry anymore? 'Cause it's not. I wrote a novel, and I can't write a second one. Mouth's boss apparently hates him. Nathan missed his dream by a breath. That's life. So, you couldn't change the world from Los Angeles. Change it here. I know you can do it. And so do you. Just think about it. (Lucas starts leaving) PEYTON : I was there, Luke. At your book signing in L.A. FLASHBACK, LOS ANGELES, LUCAS' BOOK SIGNING Peyton arrives and see Lindsey with Lucas from far LINDSEY : So, I just wanted to say thank you and I'm proud of you. (Lindsey kiss Lucas on his check) (Peyton leaves) LINDSEY : Okay, you ready? LUCAS : Yeah. END OF THE FLASHBACK PEYTON : I was there, Lucas. I was so proud of you. But we hadn't talked in a long time, and I saw you with Lindsey, and I figured you guys were together, which, clearly, you are, and... I like her. I do. But... do you remember when you first joined the Ravens, and you took all my sketches over to Thud without asking? And do you remember what you said that night that you entered the gym for the first time? LUCAS : "Your art matters. It's what got me here." PEYTON : Yeah. It's like you touched my soul. And a few days ago, I was ready to quit again. But you saved me with the words you wrote about me in your novel. So, if you're struggling to write the next one... you should know... that your art matters, Lucas. It's what got me here. CLASSROOM AT TREE HILL HIGH Haley enters the class HALEY : Good morning. Sit down, Mr. Fields. QUENTIN : I think we need a little break, hmm? Like, for the rest of the hour. What do you say, class, huh? Who's with me? HALEY : Any student who walks out that door fails this quarter. I'm not gonna stop you. I'm just gonna fail you. Say goodbye to extracurricular activities. Say goodbye to sports, like basketball. Do you understand that the rest of your life is being shaped right now? It's up to you. You can walk out that door and fail this class and just take your chances. Or you can sit down, listen, and learn from somebody that's been there. The choice is yours. (Quentin leaves the class) HALEY : The rest of your life is a long time. And whether you know it or not, it's being shaped right now. EXTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is in front of the pool and goes inside with his wheelchair HALEY (voiceover) : You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices. Or you can fight back. NATHAN : I'm Nathan Scott, and I have too much to lose. HALEY (voiceover) : Things aren't always gonna be fair in the real world. That's just the way it is. But for the most part, you get what you give. INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM Lucas and Skills are with the team, Quentin walks in QUENTIN : This some kind of joke? LUCAS : No, I'm afraid you didn't make the team. QUENTIN : You understand, without me, you're gonna lose every game. LUCAS : Oh, I think you're wrong. But if you are right, then we're going to lose as a team. (Quentin starts leaving) LUCAS : Mr. Fields? I hear you've been disrupting your english class. I wouldn't recommend you keep that up. QUENTIN : This ain't over. LUCAS : It's "this isn't over." HALEY (voiceover): Let me ask you all a question. What's worse... not getting everything you wished for... LUCAS : Well, congratulations, men. You are the new Tree Hill Ravens. Let's go to work. HALEY (voiceover) : ...or getting it, but finding out it's not enough? INTERIOR LOCALE OF KAREN'S CAFÉ Brooke is there with a broker. Jamie is also with her BROOKE (on the phone) : I do love my company. I just... I want to run it from here. I know it wasn't the plan. It's my life. I'm taking a stand. Bye. BROOKE (to the broker): It's perfect. I'll take it. Thank you. BROOKE (to Jamie): Help me with this. Come here. HALEY (voiceover) : The rest of your life is being shaped right now. With the dreams you chase... the choices you make... JAMIE'S BEDROOM NATHAN : Jamie, wake up. Hey, we're going out, okay? Get ready. JAMIE : Where? NATHAN : It's a surprise... And, hey, buddy, bring your cape. HALEY (voiceover) : ...and the person you decide to be. LUCAS' BEDROOM Lucas is looking at poster of his book signing LINDSEY : You remember why I gave you that? We went to dinner after the signing. It was our first date. You coming to bed? LUCAS : Actually... I think I'm gonna write for a while. LINDSEY : That's great, Luke. RACE PLACE, AT NIGHT Jamie is in his racer, Nathan in his wheelchair NATHAN : You know, son, there's gonna be a lot of times in your life when you're afraid. Being afraid is okay, but if you don't work through that fear, you might miss out on some pretty great things. JAMIE : Are you afraid, daddy? NATHAN : Sometimes. You? JAMIE : Sometimes. NATHAN : Then we'll do this together. On the count of three. One, two, three! (Both start to race) HALEY (voiceover) : The rest of your life is a long time. And the rest of your life starts right now.
doc_269	(Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the couch on the porch in front of the house. Lorelai is painting Rory's toenails red. Rory squirts whipped cream into her mouth.) Lorelai : (sarcastically) That's nice. Rory : Thank you. L : Don't move, please. R : So, Why are you insisting on doing this. L : Well, because you're going to be starting private school tomorrow. R : Yes, but I'm going to be wearing shoes. Nobody's going to see my feet. L : Okay, But everybody knows that private school girls are bad. And bad girls always wear red nail polish. (There is a lull in the conversation.) L : Are you nervous? R : About what? L : About starting Chilton. R : Well I wasn't until I heard about all those bad girls. (They both laugh.) (Lane Kim, Rory's friend runs up.) Lane : You guys! XTC. Apple Venus Volume 2. (Lorelai and Lane run into the house.) R : But you only finished half my toes! L : Who cares?! You're going to be wearing shoes anyway! (Rory rolls her eyes and goes into the house.) (Opening Sequence Starts.) (Commercials) (Shows an opening shot of the house.) (Lorelai is sleeping. Rory, dressed in her Chilton clothes, opens the door to her mom's bedroom.) R : Mom! L : (gasps) What? God! Hi. (in a whiny tone) R : What are you doing? L : Having a heart attack. R : I thought you were up. It's 7:10! L : What? R : It's 7:10. (Rory grabs her pillow.) L : Stop it! It's a quarter to six. (grabs back pillow) R : No it's not! L : Yes it is! I set the clock for a quarter to six so it's.. (Rory grabs clock and shows her the time.) L : It's 7:10! (Lorelai jumps out of bed and stumbles around, disoriented. Rory slams down clock.) R : I can't be late on my first day of school. Do you know what happens to people when they're late on their first day? (Lorelai is rummaging franticly through her dresser for clothes.) L : It's shorter? R : They're labeled 'The late girl'. L : Ohh! So dramatic. Where's the bathroom? (Rory takes her by the shoulders and steers her through the door.) R : We have to go! What if there's traffic? Mom! (Lorelai runs into the bathroom and shuts the door.) L : I had this all planned. I was gonna get up early. I was gonna get coffee. I was gonna take a shower. I was gonna pick up my clothes from the dry cleaners. (Lorelai opens the door.) L : (sighs) Oh my god. My clothes. R : What?! (Lorelai walks down the hall with Rory trailing after her.) L : I don't have any clean clothes. R : It's 7:15. L : All my nice things were dirty. R : It's 7:16. (Lorelai look in her closet, then turns away.) L : I was gonna wear my blue suit with the flippy skirt. I look so great in the flippy skirt. R : It's 7:17. L : You know what, time lady? Why don't you go downstairs and warm up the car? That would be really super. Thank you. R : Just hurry! (Rory goes downstairs, Lorelai rummages through a drawer.) L : This sucks! This sucks! R : It's 7:18 (Rory calls from below.) L : Oh, for the love of god! (sighs) She sits on the bed and puts on socks. This is the last time I ever buy anything just because it's furry. (talking about clock) (scene changes) (Lorelai is running down the steps in cowboy boots, really short frayed shorts, and a bright pink tye-dyed tight tee-shirt. She's hurriedly putting her hair into a messy ponytail. Rory is standing at the foot of the stairs and looks up.) R : It's 7-- L : Don't even think of finishing that sentence. (sighs) What?! R : Nothing. I just didn't know the rodeo was in town. L : All right, that's it. (grabs a picture frame) I'm bringing the baby pictures. (Lorelai runs out the door with Rory in pursuit.) R : No! I'm sorry! I love the rodeo! The rodeo rules! (scene changes) (camera pans through town, finally settling on the jeep, and then the Stars Hollow sign.) L : I am so done with plans. I am never ever making one again. It never works. I spend the day obsessing over why it didn't work and what I could've done differently. (scene changes) (inside jeep, Lorelai is driving, Rory sitting in passenger seat.) L : I'm analyzing all my shortcomings when all I really need to be doing is vowing to never ever make a plan ever again which I'm doing now. Having, once again, been the innocent victim of my own stupid plans. (they go past her old school and Rory looks out at all the kids having fun.) L : God, I need some coffee. (sighs) (screen shows Jeep driving down several different roads, and then a road sign that says Hartford, 14 miles.) (screen switches to show different gargoyles, and then the outside of Chilton.) (Rory and Lorelai sit in Jeep, peering out at Chilton.) R : I remember it being smaller. (she looks worried) L : Yeah. And less.. (she looks intimidated) R : Off with their heads. L : Ah. (tilts her head, peering up.) R: (glancing at her mom, does the same.) What are you looking at? L : I'm just trying to see if there's a hunchback up in that bell tower. R : So, how do I look? L : (sighs, sits back and beams with motherly pride.) You look great. R : Really? (skeptical) L : Really. You are an amazing kid. You have earned this. You just go in there and show them what smart really is. I love you. Call me if you need me. (reaches for gear) R: (looks worried) You're kidding, right? L : No! Call me if you need anything. I'm great at making up dirty cheers. R : You have to go in with me. L : Rory, come on. (looks at her clothes meaningfully.) R : You have to meet the headmaster. L : Well, look at me! I can't meet anyone who does anything in there. I look like that chick from the 'Dukes of Hazzard'. R : This is my first day. You are not getting out of going in there with me. (Rory and Lorelai get out of the jeep. Two moms walking by stare at Lorelai, who drops her coat. They scurry away.) L : Good morning! L : (to Rory) Oh, well, we're gonna be best friends. (Lorelai puts her coat on as they walk into the Chilton courtyard.) L : So, where do we go. R : (looks at paper in her hand) Uh, the Ambroise building. L : Which is? R : The big, scary one. L : Oh great! Thanks for the input. (man walking by looks over at them, especially with some interest to Lorelai.) (they look around, slightly bewildered) Man : lost? L : Oh, yeah. We're looking for the headmaster's office in the Ambroise building. Man : Ah, okay. Well, this is it right here. (he points beside them) Down the stairs, make a left and the headmaster's office is at the end of the hall. L : Great. Thank you. Man : You're welcome. (Rory grabs Lorelai's arm to go, but the man extends a hand.) Man : Uh, I'm Ian Jack. My daughter Julia goes to school here. (they shake hands) L : Hi! I'm Lorelai Gilmore. This is my daughter, Rory. (Rory looks slightly uncomfortable.) Ian : Your daughter? Really. (surprised) Wow, that's great. Uh I mean, daughters are a great thing. L : We're big fans. (they're flirting) Ian : (laughing) Yeah. So, is your husband here? I'd love to meet him. L : Um, no. I'm not married. I'd love to meet your wife, though. Ian : I'm divorced. L : Shame. R : Excuse me. I really got to.. L : (grabs Rory's arm) Right! We gotta go meet the big guy, and I gotta get back to work. (they rush off) Ian : (calls) Where do you work? L : (rushes back) At an inn. The Independence Inn. I run it. Ian : Really? L : In a different outfit, of course. Ian : Ha. Well, It was nice to meet you, Lorelai. Good luck in school, Rory. I'll tell Julia to look out for you. R : Great, thanks. Ian : See you. (Lorelai waves a little, smiles, mouths 'bye'.) L : What a nice, nice man. R : You're feeling pretty good about yourself right now, aren't you. L : Yeah (still smiling) R : Do you want me to get you a mirror? L : I'm back. Let's go. (smile is gone, they rush off) (scene changes) (Lorelai and Rory are walking down the stairs in Chilton. They look around.) L : Oh, good. More big stuff. (sarcastically) R : Turn left. L : Oh (Rory and Lorelai walk out of the screen. The camera is on three sour looking girls, staring after them. They roll their eyes, look expressively at one another, and continue on their way.) (screen changes) (Lorelai and Rory are walking down a hallway, almost to the headmaster's office. They look at their surroundings with apprehension. They get to the door and stand in front of it, just staring.) L : You ready? R : No. L : You ready? R : Yes. (They open the doors, and step into a room that contains a desk with a strict looking woman wearing library glasses sitting at it. They stop in front of her.) L : (clears throat) Um.. Excuse me. (Secretary looks up suddenly. She jumps back slightly.) Oh! How.. Wow. Hi. I.. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. This is my daughter, Lorelai Gilmore. I named her after me. I was in the hospital all whacked out on Demerol. (glances at Rory, realizes she's rambling.) Never mind. B-B-But we call her 'Rory'. It's short for Lorelai or even 'Hey, you' depending on the.. (Rory nudges her) Is the headmaster here? Secretary : (gets up, removes her glasses) One moment. (Walks briskly away.) (The Gilmores watch her until she closes the door.) L : (whispering) See, that's what happens when you go to bed with your makeup on. (Rory grins, Lorelai sighs) (Door opens behind them, Secretary stands there stiffly, as if announcing a guest.) Secretary : Headmaster Charleston will see you now. L : (clears throat) Great. Thanks. (They walk into room, secretary shuts door.) Headmaster : (extending hand) Ms. Gilmore, I'm headmaster Charleston. L : Hi. Wow. It's really nice to meet.. (looks around, looks again at corner, sees her mother on couch) Mom. Uh, ex.. What are you doing here? Grandmother : (sweeps past Lorelai) I came to wish my granddaughter luck on her first day of school. (Lorelai looks exasperated) Rory, you look wonderful in that uniform! L : You didn't have to come all the way out here, Mom. Grandmother : This gave me a chance to make sure that Hanlin here takes good care of Rory. L : (gestures to Headmaster) You're Hanlin. Headmaster : Hanlin Charleston. Grandmother : Hanlin's wife and I are on the symphony fundraising committee together. L : Wow. That's great. Headmaster : Your father and I are golf rivals. We're still fighting it out to see which one is worse. Grandmother : Oh, yes. We're all old friends. L : Well, there's nothing like friends. Especially if they're old. (Everyone looks a tad oddly around at her remark.) Headmaster : Would you like to take off your coat and have a seat? L : (looks frightened) Oh, no. No, I'm fine. Headmaster : I'm afraid they were a little overzealous with the furnace this morning. It's quite warm in here. L : I like it warm. (nodding her head like an idiot) Grandmother : Lorelai, take off your coat and sit down. You don't want Hanlin to think you're rude. (commanding tone of voice) L : (looking extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed, takes off coat. Everyone stares, grandmother rolls her eyes. Exhales loudly.) Laundry day. Grandmother : Hanlin, did you know that Rory has a 4.0 grade point average? L : I'm sure he does, Mom. Grandmother : This is a very special girl. You take good care of her. Headmaster : We'll do our best, Emily. (everyone sits down) L : Rory's not going to be a problem. She's totally low maintenance. You know, like a Honda. You know, they're just easy, just.. (Rory looks embarrassed) Nice office. Grandmother : Well, I don't think we should take up anymore of your precious time. It was lovely to see you. Give Bitty our love. (kisses cheeks with headmaster) Headmaster : Tell Richard I'll see him at the club Sunday. Grandmother : Have a wonderful day, Rory. I want to hear all about it. Do you need a ride or is your horse parked outside? (to Lorelai) (walks out of room) L : It's so nice to meet you. (shakes hands with headmaster, kisses Rory's forehead.) Have a great day. Headmaster : Oh, you don't want to forget your coat. L : (turns) Oh no, 'cause that would be embarrassing. (laughs, walks out of office.) (scene changes) (Lorelai and Grandmother are walking down the hall.) Grandmother : How do you leave the house looking like that? What kind of an impression did you think you were gonna make? L : (sighs) What are you doing here, mother? Grandmother : I told you, I came to put in a good word for Rory. L : She didn't need a good word. Grandmother : I'm not allowed here, is that it? L : I didn't say that. Grandmother : I'm allowed to pay for it. But I can't actually set foot on the premises. I just want to get the rules straight. How about the street. Can I drive down the street? Maybe I should just avoid the neighborhood altogether. Although my doctor is right down the block. Maybe I can get special permission if I'm bleeding. L : (looking incredibly annoyed, her patience is wearing thin.) I'm sorry. I was just surprised to see you here. Grandmother : I thought it was important for this school to know they had a Gilmore amongst them. L : A very good thought. Grandmother : And that some of the Gilmores actually own clothing. L : And on that note, I have to get to work. I'll see you later. Grandmother : Dinner, Friday night. No spurs, please. (Lorelai walks away, thrusts out her arms in annoyance.) (Commercials) (Shows opening shot of the outside of Chilton.) (Headmaster and Rory are sitting in his office.) Headmaster : You're obviously a bright girl, Miss. Gilmore. Rory : Thank you. Headmaster : Good grades. Teachers like you. Not a lot of social activities, though. Rory : Oh, well, just living at Stars Hollow is kind of a social activity, actually. Headmaster : Nothing in your school appealed to you? Rory : I work at my mother's inn after school sometimes. And I was in the German Club for a while. But there were only three of us. Then two left after seeing "Schindler's List". Headmaster : What are your aspirations? Rory : I want to go to Harvard to study Journalism and Political Science. Headmaster : On your way to being Rory : Christiane Amanpour. Headmaster : Really? Rory : Yes. Headmaster : Not Cokie Roberts? Rory : No. Headmaster : Not Oprah, Rosie, or one of the women from 'The View'? Rory : No. Headmaster : Why do you wish to be Christiane Amanpour? Rory : I don't wish to be her, exactly. I just want to do what she does. Headmaster : Which is? Rory : Travel, see the world up close, report on what's really going on, and to be part of something big. Headmaster : And to be a part of something big you have to be on TV? Why not lead the police on a high speed chase, it's a quicker way to achieve this goal. Rory : Being on TV has nothing to do with it. Maybe I'll be a Journalist and write books or articles about what I see. I just want to be sure that I see something. (Headmaster looks at papers.) You'll notice the debating teams also missing from my resume. Headmaster : (nods and stands up) I've known your Grandparents for quite some time. Rory : I know. Headmaster : In fact, I was at a party at their house just last week where I had the most delicious lobster puffs I've ever eaten. I'm very fond of them. Rory : That's nice. (Headmaster sits down across from her.) Headmaster : None of this, however, will be of any benefit to you. Chilton has one of the highest academic standards of any school in America. You may have been the smartest girl at Stars Hollow, but this is a different place. The pressures are greater, the rules are stricter, and the expectations are high. If you make it through, you will have received one of the finest educations one can get. And there should be no reason why you should not achieve all your goals. However, since you are starting late, and are not used to this highly competitive atmosphere, there is a good chance that you will fail. That is fine. Failure is a part of life. But not a part of Chilton. Understand? R : (looking more and more unsure of herself.) So, you liked the lobster puffs, huh. Headmaster : Take this to Miss. James in the administration office across the hall. (he hands her the folder, she takes it and leaves the room, he puts on his glasses.) (scene changes) (Rory walks into the administration office, she goes up to the desk and puts down the folder.) R : Hi, I'm looking for Miss James? Miss James : Name? R : Lorelai Gilmore. But I go by Rory. Miss James : Fill this out, please. (Miss James takes the folder and gives Rory a sheet and a pencil. Miss James puts down the folder on a desk to the side. The girl at the desk looks around and stealthily takes the folder and gives it to somebody out the window.) (scene changes) (It is in the bushes, outside the window. There are three girls there, the same ones that stared at Rory on the stairs.) Girl 1 : Well? Girl 2 : Shut up. Girl 3 : Hurry. Please. Spiders. Girl 2 : Lorelai Gilmore. Girl 1 : Nice stripper name. Girl 2 : Formerly of Stars Hollow High School. Girl 1 : Where's that? Girl 2 : Make a left at the haystacks and follow the cows. Perfect attendance, 4.0 grade point average. Girl 3 : Bugs, dirt, twigs. Girl 2 : She's a Journalism major. Girl 1 : That means she's going out for the school paper. Girl 2 : Not necessarily. She's got a thousand recommendations in here. Popular with the adults. Girl 1 : And going out for the school paper. Girl 2 : You don't know she's going out for the paper. She'll never catch up. She's a month behind. Girl 1 : You can tutor her. Be like a big sister. Girl 2 : You're funny. Girl 3 : Okay, lizard, goodbye. Girl 2 : Why are they letting all these extra people in? They just take up space and screw up the curve. We don't need any new kids here. Girl 1 : Too late. (Girl 2 says psst out the window, someone takes the folder.) (scene changes) (back in the office, Miss James is giving stuff to Rory.) Miss James : Here's your locker number, here's your schedule. Here's the rules of the school and the Chilton code of honor. Here are the words to the school song, which must be recited upon demand. This an happen anytime, anyplace. If you do it in Latin you get extra credit. Do you have any questions? R : Uh, not at the moment. Miss James : If you do, you can make an appointment with your guidance counselor, Mr. Winters. He handles everything but Bulimia and pregnancy. For that, you have to go to the nurse, or Coach Rubens. Welcome to Chilton. (scene changes) (Lorelai is walking down the road by Luke's diner with her dry cleaning. She goes into the door and passes a man on his way out, smiling at him.) L : (sighs) I already had the longest day of my life and it's only ten o'clock. Luke : (fixing what looks like a toaster) There's no coffee. L : That's not funny. Luke : I can give you herbal tea. L : This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning. Luke : Every morning for you is a coffee morning. L : This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an IV. Luke : I can give you tea and a balance bar. L : Please, please, please tell me you're kidding. Luke : I'm kidding. (goes back and gets the coffee pot.) L : You're sick. Luke : Yep. L : You're a fiend! Luke : For here or to go. L : To go please. Luke : You want to know what this stuff does to your nervous system? L : Do you have a chart? Because I love charts. Luke : Maybe next time. What happened this morning that was so awful. L : Rory started Chilton. Luke : Really? L : Yeah. (sees him looking at her strangely) What? Luke : That's how you dressed to take Rory to Chilton? That's a fancy school. L : My clothes were at the cleaners. I had the fuzzy clock and it didn't purr on time. Luke : It didn't purr? L : It's fuzzy. It purrs. Never mind. I gotta go. I had a plan, damn it. Luke : Me too. Next time you're getting tea. (Lorelai stalks out of the diner. Luke pulls what looks like a chicken bone out of the toaster.) (scene changes) (Miss Patty is standing next to the street and lots of little girls in pink outfits are twirling batons.) Miss Patty : Visualize, Ladies. It's thanksgiving day parade. You're standing on fifth avenue. There's 100 beautiful boys marching in place behind you. And there you are. You are out in front with your fabulous legs and your perfect tush. Your baton is on fire and the crowd goes nuts! Okay, cookie time. (looks around and sees Lorelai walking down the street) Lorelai, hi. L : Hi, Patty. Miss Patty : Isn't today Rory's first day at Chilton? L : Oh, yeah, she's there now. I just got through dropping her off. Miss Patty : Is that what you wore? L : Oh, look at the time. See you, Patty. Miss Patty : Bye. (Lorelai walks around the jeep and gets in. Miss Patty walks back into the studio.) Miss Patty : Ladies, what do I see. Naked girls. No, no, keep those leotards on. This is not Brazil. (scene changes) (Jeep is pulling up to the Gilmore house. Lorelai gets out of the car somewhat uncoordinated with her coffee and her dry cleaning, dropping clothes everywhere. She staggers up to the house and goes in. The phone is ringing, she struggles to find the cordless. Finally finding it in a heap of junk and falling back down onto the couch.) L : Hello? Grandmother : Lorelai? L : Mom? Grandmother : I'm going shopping this afternoon and I'd thought I'd pick up a few things for Rory. L : Like what? Grandmother : A couple of extra skirts and tops for school. L : Ok, I already took care of that Mom. I got her two skirts and a bunch of tops. Grandmother : But there a five days in a school week. L : Are you sure? My days of the week underwear only go till Thursday. (is struggling to pull cowboy boots off.) Grandmother : Is that a joke? L : Two skirts are fine. Don't bother. Grandmother : What if she gets one dirty? L : Well, then, she'll wear the other one. Grandmother : What if she gets them both dirty? L : We'll use this newfangled thing called a washing machine. The town just chipped in and bought one. My turn's Tuesday. Grandmother : What about socks? Chilton has these special logo socks. Rory should have them. And what about the school sweater. She might want that. And there's a sweater vest and a bookbag. L : Are you getting a cut of the merchandise? Grandmother : Rory should have these things. She'll be the only one who doesn't. L : She'll have them. Grandmother : I'm at least getting her the Chilton coat. Is she a size 6? L : Mom, please. Grandmother : This is a simple question, Lorelai. L : She's a six, but I'd get a size eight in case she grows. Grandmother : If she grows, I'll buy another. L : Ok, well then, a six is great. I gotta go, Mom. Bye. (scene changes) (there is a classroom, with a teacher pacing in front lecturing) Teacher : And while French culture was the dominant outside cultural influence, especially for Russia's monied class, English culture also had it's impact. Tolstoy's favorite author, for instance, was.. Girl 2 : (raises her hand briefly) Dickens. Teacher : Yes, and last week we discovered Dostoevski's main authorial influences. Girl 2 : (raises her hand again) George Sand and Balzac. (Rory looks at her slightly apprehensively.) Teacher : Good. As Tolstoy commenced writing both "War and Peace" and "Anna Karenina", Count Leo would turn to.. Girl 2 : "David Copperfield" Teacher : Correct. He would turn to "David Copperfield" for inspiration. (door opens and cute guy walks in) Teacher : Ah, Mr. Dugray. Guy : Sir. (hands teacher note) Teacher : Nice to have you back. I hope your Grandfather's feeling better. Guy : Much better, sir. Teacher : Good. Take your seat please. (guy walks over to his seat, leering openly at Rory, making her uncomfortable) Teacher : "Great Expectations", "A Tale of Two Cities", "Little Dorrit", all major influences on Leo Tolstoy. (guy leans forward to talk to his friend in the seat in front of him) Guy 1 : Who's that? Guy 2 : New girl. Teachers : of these two literary masters, Tolstoy and Dickens. (bell rings) Class dismissed. (Girls 1, 2, and 3 are all looking over at Rory's notes and her with disdain, Rory tries to smile at them) Guy 1 : Looks like we got ourselves a Mary. (looking at Rory) Teacher : Miss, uh, Gilmore, could you come up here please? (she goes up to him) This is last week's study material. (he hands her a huge binder crammed full of papers) There'll be a test on them tomorrow. But since you're new, you can take a makeup test on Monday. Will that be sufficient time? R : Monday? Sure, that's fine. (looking overwhelmed) Teacher : That's just an overview. You'll find it very helpful to you to borrow one of the other student's personal notes. They tend to be more detailed. R : More detailed than this? Teacher : It seems daunting right now, I know. R : No, no. It's okay. I'll be fine. (moves to leave the room) Teacher : Remember to get those notes. They'll be a lifesaver. (scene changes) [SCENE_BREAK] (Rory is coming out of the room and almost walks into Girl 2) Girl 2 : I'm Paris. R : I didn't see you there. Where'd you come from. Paris : I know who you are, too. Lorelai Gilmore from Stars Hollow. R : You can call me Rory. Paris : Are you going out for the 'Franklin'? R : The what? Paris : Nice innocent act. At least I know you're not going out for drama club. The Franklin, the school paper, are you going out for it? R : I have to find my locker first. Paris : I'm gonna be editor next year. R : Well, good for you. (tries to move away, but Paris steps in front of her) Paris : I'm also the top of the class, and I intend to be valedictorian when I graduate. R : Okay. I'm going now. Paris : You'll never catch up. You'll never beat me. This school is my domain and the Franklin is my domain. And don't you ever forget that. (she walks off) R : (looks after her strangely) I guess you're not going to let me borrow your notes, huh. (continues down hallway) (Commercials) (opening scene of the outside of the Independence Inn. Switches to kitchen where Sookie is smelling peaches with Fruit Man looking on) Sookie : They're smaller than the last batch. Fruit Man : No, they're not. Sookie : Smaller means watery. No good peach taste. Fruit Man : No, there's plenty of peach taste being as they're, you know, peaches. Sookie : What about the ones on the bottom. Fruit Man : Oh, great. Be sure to check them all. (sarcastically) That's it. Give every last one of them a nice good squeeze. You wouldn't actually want to leave me one that I could sell to somebody else. Wait a minute, you missed one. I'm not going to tell you which one it is. I'm just going to let your impeccably good radar (she picks up peach) There it is, you got it. (throws up hands) (Lorelai walks into kitchen) L : Okay, I look great, right? Sookie : Yes. L : This is how I was supposed to look. Good morning Jackson (Fruit Man). Sookie : This was Rory's first day. L : I was supposed to look fabulous, and not like I'd been up all night playing quarters. Sookie : Nobody cares how you looked. L : Everybody cared. Sookie : Who? L : The other moms, the Headmaster, my mom, Luke, Miss Patty, the new fire chief with the tiny head. Sookie : (holds out a peach) Taste this. L : (bites peach) A little watery. Jackson : Oh! Now, you planned this! Sookie : Did you say something about your mother? L : I walked into the headmaster's office, and there she was. Sookie : Really? Why? L : Because she knew I'd wake up late and humiliate myself. Sookie : Wow, she's good. L : She's the best. (Sookie takes peach and rolls it along the floor.) Jackson : Oh, I would love to know what you're doing. Sookie : They're rolling differently, too. Because of the extra water. Jackson : Makes perfect sense. Sookie : I would ignore those women, cause the only thing that matters is that Rory got into that great school. L : She looked so amazing in her uniform. She was so excited. I just admire her so much jumping into a new school. She's my hero. Sookie : Mine too! Jackson : Oh, yeah. Sign me up. Sookie, the peaches, please. (exasperated) (Michel walks in) Michel : (French accent) Excuse me. There's a phone call for you. If I'm to fetch you like a dog, I'd like a cookie and a raise. L : Thanks for the peach. (hands the peach to Jackson, Sookie takes the peach, Lorelai walks out) (scene changes) (parlor at Inn, old women are looking at book and walking by, Lorelai walks by them with Michel trailing) Woman 1 : This would be absolutely wonderful. There are supposed to be darling shops all up and down this street. Oh, excuse me sir (to Michel). Can you tell me where we'd find the best antiques? Michel : At your house, I'd guess. (walks off, women are dismayed) L : Mom, did I give you this number? Because I don't remember giving you this number. Yeah, well, I must be losing my mind. What can I, uh, sorry Mom, can you hold on one second? Um, Drella, can you take it down just a notch? (Drella is the harp player, and is playing very loud, she ignores Lorelai) Thanks. Okay, I'm back. Grandmother : I wanted you to known that I just bought a parking space for Rory at Chilton. L : You what? Grandmother : They are very hard to come by. But I pulled a few strings and it's all hers. L : Mom, Rory doesn't have a car. Grandmother : No, but she's got a birthday coming up soon. (Drella is still playing loudly and Lorelai can't hear) L : Okay, hold on a second. Um, Drella. Drella! A little softer please. Drella : Hey, do I look like I got Panasonic stamped on my ass? L : Mom, you are not buying Rory a car. Grandmother : Why not? She's a smart girl, she's responsible. L : She doesn't need one. Grandmother : She has to have a way to get around. To get to school. L : She'll be taking the bus. Grandmother : I hate that she's taking the bus. Drug dealers take the bus. L : You know what, Mom? I gotta go. Grandmother : Fine. We'll discuss this at a later date. L : Okay. Bye. (Drella plays much softer now that Lorelai is off the phone.) (scene changes) (Rory is walking down a Chilton hallway and Guy 1 comes up behind her.) Guy 1 : Hey, Mary. R : Me? Guy 1 : Yeah, you. R : My name is Rory. Guy 1 : I'm Tristin. R : Hi. Tristin : So you new? R : Yeah, first day. Tristin : Remmy's class is rough. R : Yeah, it seemed very intense. Tristin : I could loan you my notes, if that would help. R : Really? That's be great. Tristin : Yeah? How great? (he's walking forward, pushing her up against the wall) R : I don't know. Mr. Remmy said that getting someone's notes would be.. Tristin : I could even help you study. If you want. R : Uh, I kind of view studying as a solitary activity. But thanks. Tristin : Bye Mary. (he walks off) R : It's Rory. (scene changes) (it's the parlor again, with Drella playing harp and people listening to her. Lorelai is talking to a man and a teenage guy) L : I completely understand. Man : Oh, do you. Because this is a brand-new car. (the boy tries to say something) He brings the car up and it's scratched! Boy : I just backed the car up. Man : I'd know if my car was scratched before I parked it or not. L : Let's calm down. Sir, why don't I have your car looked at tomorrow. I'm sure we can find a way to resolve this. In the meantime I would love for you to have lunch here, on me. Dessert is a must. Anything with our homemade ice cream is delicious. Life as you know it will never be the same. What do you say? Man : I think I will. Thank you. L : Thank you. (man walks off) Boy : Lorelai, I swear, I didn't scratch his car. If you thought I was unreliable or a bad driver.. L : Derek. It's okay. Boy : 'Cause I can drive. L : Oh, sweetie. I am sure you can. We'll just take it over to Musky's tomorrow and have the guys look at it. I'm sure they can buff it out for nothing, okay? Boy : Okay. That's a real nice outfit you're wearing today. L : Thank you, Derek. (Derek walks off, Michel walks up) Michel : Your faithful pooch is here to say "Someone needs to talk with you". L : It's not my mother, is it? Michel : It's possible. (Lorelai looks around him, standing at the counter is Ian Jack, from Chilton) L : It's possible? Michel : There's a resemblance. (walks off) L : Hi. Ian : Hi. Is this a bad time? L : No, not at all. What are you doing here? Ian : Well, I had to meet an associate for lunch, and he was coming up from New York so I thought, "Why not meet him in a beautiful inn?" L : Good. Enjoy your lunch. Ian : Thanks. I will. I was also wondering if maybe I could take you out to dinner sometime. L : We're a little food-obsessed, aren't we? Ian : It's the company more than the food that interests me. L : I'm flattered. Ian : Is that a yes? L : That's a You're a dad. Ian : And you're a mom. Although I'm still finding that really hard to believe. L : No, I mean, you're a Chilton dad. Ian : Ooh, that sounds bad. L : Not bad. Just tricky. You know, Rory just started there, and I think I should let her fall in with the bad crowd before I start hooking up with the P.T.A. Ian: Well, I'm not on the P.T.A. L : See? There you go, I can't date anyone not on the P.T.A. Ian : It's just a casual dinner. L : Sorry. (she walks around the counter) Ian : Okay, I'll tell you what. I'm going to China for a week on business. When I get back I'm going to try again L : China. Wow. Ian : Impressed? L : No. Rome, I'd be impressed. China I'm just "China, wow" Ian : (laughs, picks up a card from the desk, puts it in his suit) Lorelai Gilmore, General Manager, I'll talk to you soon. L : Have a safe trip. Ian : I will. (walks off) L : (walking him walk off) He does that so well. Michel : You are making me sick. L : Aw, now, honey. You try it, I'll watch you walk away too. Michel : Stop it. L : Go on now, walk. It can't be that bad. Michel : Go away. (he walks off, she follows) L : No. You have to do it with a little more attitude. Make me think you mean it! (she walks off) (people are listening to Drella play the harp, she suddenly stops) Drella : That's lunch. (walks off, people look around surprised) (scene changes) (Rory is in Chilton, finds her locker, tries to open it, It's stuck, she pulls really hard and it opens, she stumble backward right into Paris who was holding a really big project of a intricate castle and dropped in when she got bumped into. The project broke into a million pieces) R : Oh no! I am so sorry. Paris, please. I am so sorry. It was an accident. My locker, it just slipped. I pulled too hard.. I didn't mean to.. Is there water in that moat? Paris : Get away from me! (she stalks off into a classroom) (Rory picks up her books and puts them in her locker, and then taps a boy walking by) R : Excuse me, I need Mrs. Ness, History? Boy : It's behind you. (points to the classroom Paris walked into and leaves) R : Of course it is. (slams locker and walks into classroom) Paris : (sees Rory) Oh, you've got to be kidding me. (Rory sits down in a seat, Tristin sits right near her.) Tristin : Hey, Mary. Teacher : Ok, We left our projects off on Friday with Mr. Gaynor. So today we will pick up with Miss Geller. Paris : (stands up) I don't have my project. Teacher : Miss Geller.. Did you have sufficient time to complete your project? Paris : Yes Teacher : And yet you don't have it done? Paris : No Teacher : You will receive an incomplete on the project. R : (stands up) It's my fault. Teacher : Who are you? R : Rory Gilmore. I wrecked her project. Paris : Shut up. Teacher : I don't have a Rory Gilmore. I have a Lorelai Gilmore. R : That's me. Teacher : You are Rory and Lorelai Gilmore? R : Yes. And I wrecked her project. My locked got stuck. Paris : Just stay out of this. Teacher : Do you go by Rory or Lorelai. R : Whatever. It's not her fault. Teacher : I need you to pick one. R : One what. Teacher : One name. R : Rory. Teacher : Thank you. Rory, you wrecked Paris' project when? R : Just before class. Teacher : Very convenient. R : No, I did. My locked got stuck Paris : Stop it! Teacher : Miss Gilmore, since you say you wrecked Miss Geller's project, then you may help her fix it. You have until tomorrow. R : Fine. Paris : No. I don't want your help! R : But I don't mind doing it. Paris : Just stay out of this. R : I'm trying to help you. Paris : Well don't! Teacher : Ladies, enough. Miss Geller, if you don't want Miss Gilmore's help you may have until tomorrow. If it's not done, you will receive an incomplete. Is that understood? Paris : Yes. (sits down) Teacher : As long as you're standing, Class, we have a new student. Say hello to Rory Gilmore. Class : Hi, Rory. Tristin : Hello Mary. (Rory sits down) (Commercials) (opening scene is the Welcome to Stars Hollow sign, Population 9,973. Scene shifts to Miss Patty next to the street and the girls in the studio, walking with books on their heads.) Miss Patty : Walk smooth. That's the new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop, Harry will die, and there won't be anymore books. (sees Lorelai walking by) Now that's how you should've dressed this morning, Missy. (Lorelai ignores her, scene shifts to Lorelai walking into Luke's diner. Luke is walking near the entrance and he has to squeeze by her to get through.) Luke : What are you doing here? L : See, now that's why you were voted Mr. Personality of the New Millennium. Where's your crown? Luke : I just mean you don't usually come it at this time. L : I have to pick up Rory from school. (Luke pours her coffee without any argument) Thank you. Luke : You're welcome. L : No lectures? Luke : My blood sugar's low. I'll eat an apple and get back to you. L : God, this has been one hectic, bizarro day for me. Luke : Yeah? L : Yeah. This morning with the being late. And my mother with her existing. Oh, and this father. This father from Chilton. He drove all the way from Hartford just to ask me out. Luke : Really? Are you going? (trying to appear like he doesn't care) L : No. He's got a kid in school with Rory. The whole thing just seemed a little weird. Luke : Good. L : Good? Luke : Yeah, I think it's good that you turned him down. L : Okay. Luke : I mean, he's probably old, right? L : Old? Luke : I mean, he's got a kid in high school. L : Well, so do I. Luke : Yeah, but you were young when you had Rory. Most people aren't that young. Most people are.. L : Old. Luke : Yeah. L : Like this guy who asked me out. Luke : But you're not going. L : No. No, I'm not going. (she kind of smiles a bit, thinks he likes her, her cell phone rings, he points to the sign that says no cell phones) L : Oh, that's me. Hi Babette. What? Okay. No. No, I'll be right there. Thanks. (hangs up) Uh, I have to go. (pulls out wallet) Luke : Keep it. I gave you decaf. (she frowns and walks out the door) (scene changes) (A man and a woman holding a cat are sitting in their yard. They live right next to the Gilmores. Lorelai's jeep pulls up and she gets out) L : Hey. Babette : Oh, Lorelai, I'm so sorry I had to call you like this. L : That's okay, Babette. I appreciate it. Babette : All of a sudden, they pull up, get out of the truck, and start sniffing around. It's very strange. L : Let me go talk to them. (Lorelai pets cat, Man gets up and stands next to Babette) Man : Tell her about the gnome. Babette : They kicked a gnome. L : What? Babette : Right in the head. Man : That's just not cool. L : I'm very sorry. Is the gnome okay? Babette: He's fine, sugar. But I wouldn't trust these boys. Gnome kicking says a lot about a man's character. L : Yes, well, I'm gonna go take care of this. Thanks. (she walks over to her house, men are on the porch, she goes up the steps to talk to them) L : Hey. Um, what are you doing? Man 1 : You live here? L : Yeah. Man 1 : I'm supposed to install a DSL for a Lorelai Gilmore. Is that you? L : Yes, but.. Man 1 : I'm Mick. L : Nice to meet you. Could you get off my porch? Mick: I was told that you wouldn't be here, but to look for a ceramic frog with a key inside. We can't find the frog. L : I didn't order a DSL. Mick : The order was placed by an -- Emily Gilmore (grandmother). We would've been done by now, but the frog search put us way behind. Man 2 : Hey, Mick, found it. Mick : You found the frog? Man 2 : It wasn't a frog, it was a turtle. Mick : It says here it's a frog. L : Turtle. Mick : Really? L : Trust me. I'm going to have to cancel that DSL order. Mick : You sure? It's already paid for. L : Yeah, I know. We don't need a DSL, so thanks for coming, and you guys can just go. (the guys leave, Lorelai walks over to the jeep) Babette : Is there a problem? L : Oh, nothing Shakespeare couldn't turn into a really good play. (Lorelai gets into jeep) (scene changes) (camera is on a piece of paper that says "Paris -- I am so sorry. Please let me help you." In Rory's handwriting ) Teacher : The Romanists have, with great adroitness, drawn three walls around themselves, with which they have hitherto protected themselves so that no one could reform them, whereby Christians has fallen terribly. Who said this? (Rory gave the note to Paris, who immediately crumpled it up and threw it on the floor) R : (sees Paris about to give the answer) Martin Luther. Teacher : Very good, Miss Gilmore. And what year does Martin Luther address the Christian nobility? R : (again sees Paris lean forward) 1520. Teacher : Very good, Miss Gilmore. Until next time, class. (Paris goes up to Rory's desk) Paris : Stay out of my way. I will make this school a living hell for you. (Rory swallows apprehensively.) Tristin : See you tomorrow, Mary. Rory : The name is Rory. (scene changes) (camera shows a street corner, then switches to the inside of a salon where Lorelai appears to be searching for somebody.) Stylist : Can I help you?! L : (brushes past her) God, I wish. (knocks on her mother's hairdryer) Grandmother : What on earth..? L : You're not buying us a DSL. Grandmother : Lorelai, this is hardly the place. L : I canceled the order, and it's not happening. Grandmother : But Rory needs the Internet for her school. L : We have the Internet. Grandmother : This is faster. L : Well, we like our internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve. It'd be all work and no play. Have you not seen "The Shining", Mom? Grandmother : What on earth are you talking about? L : Also, there will be no cars, no parking spaces. And all the uniforms will be supplied by me. The mother. That's final. There will be no discussion. Grandmother : You're being stubborn, as usual. L : No, Mom, I'm not being stubborn. I'm being me! The same person who always needed to work out her own problems and take care of herself. Because that's the way I was born. That's how I am! Grandmother : Florence, I'm dripping. L : I appreciate what you have done for Rory in paying for this school, That will not be forgotten. You won't let it. But she is my daughter. And I decide how we live, not you. Now then, do they validate parking here? Grandmother : There's a stamp at the desk. L : Thank you. (Emily looks embarrassed and dismayed. Lorelai walks out.) (scene changes) (It's the outside of Chilton. Lorelai is drinking coffee and waiting for Rory to come out. Rory emerges.) L : Mm. Hey, you. R : (drops backpack and hugs Lorelai) So, this whole plaid-skirt thing My idea? L : My day sucked too. R : Promise? L : I swear on my mother's life. R : Not yet. (doesn't want to stop hugging.) L : Still hugging, still hugging. (smooch) So, I brought us some coffee. R : Why, I'm shocked. L : Triple caps, easy foam. If that doesn't work, we'll stick our fingers in a light socket. (laughs, picks up backpack) Come here. (staggers under weight) What, do they expect you to get smart all in one day? R : Oh, they expect a lot of things. L : So tell me. R : I don't know. It was just one big, long, scary, tweedy, bad eight hours. L : Add some hair spray, and you got my day. R : One of the girls already hates me. The guys are weird. L : Weirder than other guys? R : Yeah, they kept calling me Mary. L : You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that. R : Why? What does it mean? L : It means like, Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody. R : You're kidding. L : No. R : Well what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut? L : Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it. R : Wow. Biblical insults. This is an advanced school. (they laugh, Lorelai turns over the engine) (scene changes) (it's night, the town is lit up by lights along the streets. Lorelai, Rory, and Lane are all walking with food in hand.) Lane : It was so weird not having you in school today. I mean, I finally noticed some of the other kids. Let me say, they are a sad lot. R : Yeah, well add a couple plaid skirts, and you got the Chilton freaks. Lane : I totally miss you. R : I miss you. L : I have an idea. What about, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, when I go into Hartford for my business class, what if Lane comes along and you guys can shop and study, and join a cult and shave your heads. Lane : Really? L : All except the shaving your heads part. Lane : Oh, no. What time is it? R : 6:30 Lane : Oh, no. I'm late for dinner. L : Again? Lane, your mother is gonna kill me if I keep sending you home fat and happy. Lane : I'm sorry. But she found a web site that sells Tofu in bulk. L : Oh, you're kidding, right? Lane : (shakes her head) Yesterday, she went out and bought a bigger fridge. (takes off her pink jacket, handing it to Rory, and shaking out her hair.) L : Boy, honey, your life is scary. Lane : Can I have your crust? (to Rory, pizza crust) R : It's the least I can do. Lane : Thanks. Bye. R : Bye. L : Bye. (watches her leave) A pizza for your thoughts. R : I wish I could figure out a way to get Paris off my back. L : Yeah, angry chicks are the worst. When I was in high school I had a Paris. R : Yeah? L : It was horrible. R : How'd you get rid of her? L : I got pregnant and dropped out. R : What if I just learn to french braid her hair. L : Even better. Sweetie, you can't let those kids get you down. Do you want me to talk to anybody? A parent, a teacher, a big guy named Moose? R : I'll just figure it out for myself. L : Okay. (sees Rory laugh) What? R : I was just thinking about the way Paris' face looked when I beat her to that Martin Luther question. L : Good, huh? R: 14 shades of purple. L : Cool. R: Tomorrow I'm shooting for 15. L : (they stop in front of Luke's diner) Hey, what do you think of Luke? R : What do you mean? L : I mean, do you think he's cute? R: Oh, no. No way. You cannot date Luke. L : I said nothing about dating Luke. R : If you date him, you'll break up. And we'll never be able to eat there again. L : I repeat, I said nothing about dating Luke. R : Date Al from Pancake World, his food stinks. L : I cannot believe what I'm hearing. Al's food does not stink, Al stinks. (Luke comes out of the diner and stares after the Gilmores. Then he closes his restaurant and goes back inside.)
doc_270	(Capeside High School - Dawson and Joey are walking down the hallway talking.) Joey: Correct me if I'm wrong Dawson, but don't you already own a camera? Dawson: A video camera, yeah. Joey: And the difference is? Dawson: Well, imagine Schindler's List shot on a family camcorder. Alright, I mean, it... video is a great format to learn on, but the look and the feel is strictly amateur. Film is key, and if we can find her we can give it another spin. Joey: "Her"? (They enter a room, not noticing Nikki, who is messing with a film camera.) Dawson: The Aeroflex. Capeside High's one and only 16mm camera. Nikki: She is a beauty, Dawson. Dawson: Nikki! Hey, what are you doing here? Nikki: Extra credit for joining this film class. Plus, I get to be near all the equipment. Dawson: Ah, how very earnest of you. Nikki: Joey, right? Joey: Right. Hey. I heard wonderful things about your film. Nikki: Really? From who? Dawson: Um, speaking of equipment, hand her over. Nikki: Sorry, Dawson, she's checked out. Dawson: That's highly unlikely... Nikki: Yet completely true. Dawson: Well, how long has it been checked out for? Nikki: About seven days. Dawson: Then it's due back today. Nikki: Nope. She's checked out for the next four weeks straight. Dawson: There's a one week maximum. Nikki: I cleared it with Mr Jordan. Dawson: You did. Nikki: Hmm-mmm. Dawson: You checked out the camera? Nikki: Me checked out the camera, yes. Dawson: Well, there's a project I want to start working on. Nikki: There's a project that I AM working on. Dawson: OK. Well then when can I have the camera back, exactly? Nikki: When I'm done. Dawson: And when will that be? Nikki: (rolling the camera out the door) Filmmaking is not fast food, Dawson. You can't rush it. (Commercial break. Grocery Store - Jack and Jen push a cart through the store, tossing items in as they walk down the aisle.) Jen: Wait a minute. Three boxes of cereal, Jack? You're gonna need an explanation before you put those in the cart. Jack: OK, fine. First, we have our Grape Nuts; combination of taste and sufficient nutrients to make the perfect day-starter. (tossing it in the cart) From there we move onto the premier afternoon snack. The, well, underrated, but, uh, ever-tasty, Cocoa Pebbles. (tossing it in the cart) And then, we round out the, uh, cereal lovers perfect day with a yummy, late-night staple... Captain Crunch! (tossing last box in) Jen: (removing the last two boxes) If there was ever a concern that you are not Andie McPhee's brother, it's been solved. Jack: Whoa! What are you...? Come on! Jen: You're a good man, Jackie Brown, but as a grocery shopper, you blow. I'm afraid I must leave you with the Grape Nuts. Jack: Fascist. Jen: (walking off to return the cereal) Pig. Ethan: (walking up) At least you fought the good fight. Hey Jack. Jack: Uh, Ethan. From the... from the train Ethan. Ethan: I prefer just plain Ethan. Jack: Wow, uh, what are you doing here? Ethan: Food shopping. I hear it's pretty standard in one of these places. Jack: Uh, I meant, I thought you were going back to school last weekend? Ethan: I did. I came back for Capefest. Jack: Oh. Uh... what is that, I mean, is... is it like a, uh, a feed the poor type of thing? Ethan: Which one of us lives here year 'round? It's a concert. A free concert in the park. Jack: Oh, OK, so it's like a Lala Palooza type deal? Ethan: Moshing, stage diving, overpriced bottled water. Anyway, umm, there's a camp site outside the concert where everyone hangs out. I'm going down to get a spot tomorrow. Jack: Oh, well cool, that sounds like a blast. Ethan: Well if you're a fan, you should come. Jack: Uh, yeah, I'm a total fan. Ethan: Telltale fan quiz: Who's your favourite Foo Fighter? Jack: Courtney Love. Ethan: You're in the alternative nation, just not quite in the right zipcode. (seeing Jack's dissapointment) You should come anyway. (As Ethan leaves, Jen walks up.) Jen: Cute! Jack: Yeah. Jen: Aren't they all. (Capeside High school - Andie walks up to a teacher who is closing up his classroom.) Andie: Excuse me, Mr. Broderick, can I speak with you for a minute? Mr Broderick: (rudely) And you are? Andie: Andie McPhee. Mr Broderick: And you want to waste my time about? Andie: The school play. Mr Broderick: I see. Auditions are after school, so if you don't mind... Andie: No, but if you can just give me a minute... Mr Broderick: I am not auditioning at this time, comprende? I am eating lunch. I assume you eat lunch on your planet, do you not? Andie: But I'm not here to audition. Mr Broderick: I know, you want to star in the show. Andie: (showing him the play flyer) Assistant Director. Mr Broderick: I'm very familiar with the scenario. Andie: Look, Mr Broderick, I want to be Assistant Director. I'm smart, bossy, and super efficient. And the truth is, you need me. Mr Broderick: Why didn't you just say so? (Leery Residence - Dawson and Joey walk into the house.) Dawson: (acting like Nikki) Filmmaking is not fast food, Dawson. Joey: She's entitled to the equipment too. Dawson: Look, if you check out a camera, you return the camera in a timely fashion, that's all I'm asking. (Joey follows Dawson into a family room empty of furniture. Gale is there picking up a box.) Dawson: Uh, mom? What's going on? Gale: Hey. Uh, look, honey, I'm going to be taking some furniture over to my place. Dawson: Oh, OK. Gale: Just from the family room and the guest room. It's part of the settlement. I asked your dad not to say anything because I wanted to explain myself. Dawson: Mom, you don't have to explain yourself, that's how it works. Gale: I need you to keep being as positive as you can be about this, honey. It's going to make it so much easier on all of us. Dawson: Well, I aim to please. Gale: Thank you for understanding. (Gale walks off with the box. Joey looks at Dawson, knowing he's very affected by this.) Joey: Do you want to talk? Dawson: (shrugs) What's there to say? Joey: About what you're feeling. Dawson: I'm thinking my parents are divorced and I'm glad it's finally over. Joey: Dawson, I said what you're feeling. Dawson: (walking away) I'm still working on that one. (Cape Fest - Jack and Jen are carrying their stuff, looking for a spot to camp out. Actually, Jack is just looking for Ethan.) Jack: This is gonna be great, I mean, sleeping out under the stars, fresh breeze off the ocean, call of the wild... Jen: It's the call of nature I'm worried about. Jack, where are the chemical toilets? Jack: I dunno. What do you say we set up here? Jen: God, I thought I'd go to extreme measures to get into some guy's pants. Jack: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I am not trying to get into his pants. For crying out loud, this is the first gay guy that I've actually conversed with, excuse me for wanting to get to know him. Jen: Jack, I know. Just be aware that you're venturing into new territory here. And that before you take this great big emotional leap, Jack, you should be willing to admit that you're taking it. Don't just try and brush it off as simply wanting to get to know somebody. Jack: I'm telling you, it's all it is. Jen: OK. Even still, take my advice - play it cool. Let him come to you. Jack: I think I'm gonna see if I can find him. (He walks off, leaving Jen with all the equipment.) (Capeside High Auditorium - The audtions have started, and quite frankly, they are terrible. Mr. Broderick and Andie make faces as the camera goes through various people reading lines off the script.) Student 1: (passionately) Okay Cory, maybe you're right, maybe love isn't enough, maybe two people should have to take more than a blood test... Student 2: (monotone) ...maybe love isn't enough... Student 3: Okay Cory, maybe you're right, maybe love isn't enough... Student 1: (passionately)...maybe two people should have to take more than a blood test, maybe they should be checked for common sense... Student 2: ...maybe they should be checked for common... Student 3: ...common sense, understanding... Student 1: ...maybe they should be checked for common sense, understanding, and emotional maturity. Student 4: (this one isn't nearly bad as the rest) Okay Cory, maybe you're right, maybe love isn't enough, maybe two people should have to take more than a blood test, maybe they should be checked for common sense, understanding and emotional maturity. Andie: (to Mr. Broderick) I like him. What do you think? Mr Broderick: I think I'm getting a migraine. Andie: I think he's got a certain dramatic flair. Mr Broderick: I've got someone else in mind. Andie: Who 'someone else'? We are out of someone else's. Mr Broderick: Granted, the boy I know is a deplorable student and he has the ethics of a billy goat. Andie: We've already cast our Cory and Valasgo, please don't let our only Paul slip away. Mr Broderick: Have no fear, Miss McPhee. I cut a deal with one of my students. The kid is a natural with comedy. Andie: Okay, Mr Broderick, if I may be so bold. From my limited perspective, I see but two kinds of actors - those with talent... and those with the ability to expand on that talent. Which requires maturity, which requires a sense of responsibility, which requires the ability to come both prepared and on time. Pacey: Hey you guys, I'm sorry I'm late. I'm here to read for the role of Paul. Pacey Witter. Mr Broderick: That's him, that's our Paul. (Andie has this, 'you gotta be kidding' look on her face. Nikki's House - she is sitting on a porch swing reading when Dawson walks up.) Nikki: Dawson, tell me this isn't an attempt to repossess the camera. Dawson: I just want to reiterate something. Nikki: Reiterate away. Dawson: Okay, I get this little ego trip. I know you're the principal's daughter, but that does not give you the right to be selfish or rude... Nikki: Dawson. I didn't know you wanted to use the camera. But... you're just gonna have to get used to it. Principal Greene: I thought I heard a familiar sounding voice. If it isn't my second favourite student filmmaker. How are you, Dawson? Dawson: Principal Greene. Good. Principal Greene: So I understand you and Nikki have become fast friends. Dawson: Yeah, yeah. Principal Greene: I had a feeling you two would hit it off. Hey listen, why don't you stay and join us for supper? Dawson: I couldn't, I gotta... Nikki: Oh, Daddy, I'm sure Dawson has other plans. Principal Greene: Now wait a minute. As your father and as your principal, I think I'm gonna have to pull rank here. Besides, how often do I get a chance to have a nice meal with one of my students? And I promise not to talk too much about my lovely little daughter. Come on. (Dawson follows the two inside. Cape Fest - Jack is looking for Ethan.) Ethan: (up in a tree, what is now a hippy?) Hey there. So you decided to show. Jack: One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Ethan: You here by yourself, or with? Jack: Um, with... a girl. She's, uh, a friend of mine. She's setting up our tent. What about you? Ethan: All by my lonesome. Jack: Umm, ah... Ethan: So, you want to go grab a bite to eat, take a walk, what? Jack: Yeah. Uh, to both. Whatever. Ethan: Come on, I'll lead the way. (Scene cuts to Jack and Ethan walking on the beach talking.) Ethan: After the train ride I thought for sure you'd ask for my number. Jack: Yeah well, typical paranoia set in. Hey, what can I say? Ethan: I figured as much. Jack: How come you didn't ask for mine? Ethan: Because I could. It's more important that you learn to ask. You're the newbie, remember? Jack: Yeah, newbie. Barely 'outed' gay kid soon to have his heart broken, right? Ethan: Good recall! Jack: Well there's not much I'm gonna forget about that conversation, it was a first for me. Ethan: It was your first time talking to another gay kid? Jack: Yeah, well, unless you count the Internet. Ethan: I... I don't. (Cape Fest - Jen is wrestling with the tent when a kid walks by eating a burger. Jen looks hungrily at him.) Jen: Hey man, where'd you get that? Guy: (pointing behind him) Over there. This guy's like a genius with a veggie burger. (Jack walks up to a crowd of people, someone yelling "Veggie burgers! Get 'em while they're hot!". As the crowd parts, Henry is seen behind a BBQ grill, making burgers. He doesn't notice Jen.) Henry: (not looking up) You want your bun toasted? Jen: I thought you'd never ask. (Hearing Jen's voice, he looks up at her.) Jen: Hey. Henry: (softly) Hey. Jen: It's quite a crowd you have here. Henry: Listen, I... I really don't have time for small talk at the moment. Did... did you want a burger, or not? Jen: Yes. (pause) You know, I was wondering if you could give me a hand with my tent. I was never much of a girl scout. (Jen smiles at him, but Henry doesn't return one.) Henry: Stanley? Take over here for a minute, will you? (He follows Jen as she walks back to her tent.) Jen: So you never told me you were a vegetarian. Henry: You never asked. Jen: Do I detect a note of ambivalence in seeing me? Henry: That would be correct. Jen: Any particular reason? Henry: You... you mean besides the fact that you led me on for the sole purpose of crushing me underfoot? Jen: That's not true Henry, and you know it. Henry: Well, you could have fooled me. Jen: What are you talking about? Henry: Don't tell me that you're not taking some small satisfaction in... Jen: In what? Henry: Being on the requited side of unrequited love. Jen: Henry, I thought that you and I agreed to be friends? Henry: Friends? You haven't even noticed, have you? Jen: What? Noticed what... Henry: That we haven't even spoken in over a month. For the past four weeks I've been giving you the silent treatment, and it hasn't even registered on your radar screen. Hell, I could have fallen off a cliff ten thousand feet for all you care... Jen: That's not true... Henry: You know what? You can put up your own damned tent. (Henry walks off, leaving Jen quite confused. Principal Green's House - the three are sitting at the table eating.) Principal Greene: Dawson, you're looking at possibly the only little girl in America who wanted a super eight camera for her tenth birthday. Nikki, should I tell him the name of your first cinematic achievement? Nikki: Oh, don't you dare! Principal Greene: 'A Day in the Life of Daddy'. She followed we around all day long. Nikki: James Cameron of third grade. Principal Greene: So tell me, has she enlisted your for her new film? Dawson: Uh, no, she hasn't. I don't even know what it's about. Nikki: That's between me and my crew. Dawson: So in order to bask in the glory of this mind-bending idea of yours, I have to offer my services? Nikki: Is that an offer? Dawson: Are you asking for my help? Nikki: I don't need any help, Dawson. Principal Greene: I think it would be a great idea for you two to work together. Nikki: Forget it. Dawson: I don't think that... Principal Greene: Sorry I mentioned it. Dawson: Yep. (Cape Fest - Jack and Ethan are walking off the beach back into the camp sites.) Jack: You knew that young you were attracted to men? Ethan: No, I knew that young that I was different. Being gay isn't about what sx you're attracted to, it forms so much of what and who you are. Jack: You lost me. Ethan: I'll make it simple. You haven't talked to another gay kid, so you definitely haven't kissed one, right? Jack: No. Ethan: But you still know you're gay. Jack: Sure. Ethan: How? Jack: I just know, I guess. Ethan: Everyone always wants to define gay and straight by who you sleep with. It's not about that. It... it's about moments, it's about being too nervous to ask for my number. It's about conversations like this, alright? It's about who and what you love, and that's why you can't erase it, because it's not just a part of your life... it's everywhere. (look at his camp site) Unlike my stuff. Jack: What? Ethan: My camping gear. It's gone. (Capeside High Hallway- They both come around different corners, about to walk up the stairs.) Pacey: Well, after you. Andie: I want you to quit. Pacey: Listen, he saw my potential, okay? Andie: No, no, no, no, no. This was my after school activity. Pacey: But I'm the lead in the play. Andie: I want you to quit! Pacey: Listen, the guy said he'd give me a C in English, what do you want? Andie: Oh, and that's what it's come to? Anything for a C? What's happened to you? Pacey: OK. Not that any of this is your concern, but Mr Broderick says he thinks I might actually be good at this and so do I. Andie: OK, listen. Mr Broderick may be a lousy English teacher, but as a theatre director, he is probing new lows, Pacey. Rumour has it that he has botched every school play for the past five years. And, it's only been by sheer force of will that the past student theatre geeks have managed to sandbag his bi-hourly nervous breakdowns. Pacey: So what's your point? Andie: My point is, I got into this to get over you, okay? To give myself a new focus, and instead your presence is giving me perpetual myopia. Pacey: What? We haven't even done one rehearsal yet. You want me to throw my whole theatre career to the wind? Andie: Ooh. OK, listen, Sir Barrymore, our director is irrational. And your lack of ability, though not apparent to him yet, is enough to send him over the proverbial edge, and me with him. Pacey: Fine. You quit then. Andie: I most certainly will not... Pacey: I'm not going to quit. Witter's aren't quitters. Andie: Oh, oh that's really cute. You know what? Fine, just... don't. Pacey: Fine. I won't. (Principal Green's house - Dawson enters Nikki's bedroom to get his coat, but then stops to notice the decor. Nikki enters.) Nikki: Dawson? Dawson: Hey. I must say, film-geekdom is definitely not evident in your bedroom decor. Nikki: Your room, let me guess? Wall-to-wall Spielberg film sheets? Dawson: Ahhh, yeah. More or less a shrine. Nikki: I figured as much. Dawson: You say that like it's a bad thing. Nikki: Oh, it's not, it's just... there's so much to be passionate about, it seems kind of silly to focus on just one. Dawson: Yeah, but if you're lucky enough to find that one thing, why not immerse yourself in it? Nikki: Don't get me wrong, Dawson, I love film. But I love it because it allows me to explore all of the other subjects that interest me. If all you care about is film, then you're just going to end up making movies about other movies. What good is that? I'm really sorry about my father. Um, ever since the divorce, he does this really aggressive thing when it comes to me making friends. It's so weird. But, you know, I try to cut him some slack. Dawson: So, so you're cool with it? The... the divorce? Nikki: Ummm, constant shuttling between living quarters? The continually veiled and not so veiled comments my parents make about each other? The, umm, never-ending expectation that I look on the bright side of things? Oh, sure, I'm just dandy. Dawson: That's the oddest thing. I mean, judging from how well put-together you come off, I would have just assumed that you were not affected by it all. Nikki: It's a well crafted disguise, Dawson. Inside, I'm just another angry kid. Dawson: How angry? Nikki: Angry enough to make a film about it. Dawson: So that's what your movie's about? Nikki: More or less. It's about the, ummm, "American Family". What makes them functional, or as more often seems to be the case, dysfunctional. Dawson: That should provide you with a healthy supply of material there. Nikki: What about you? Your parents are divorced. How do you feel about it? Dawson: Ummm... Nikki: I, ummm, I didn't mean to probe. I'm sorry. Dawson: No, no. I mean, you... you were honest with me, right? Ummm, truth is, most of the time I'm fine with them not being together. You know, I mean, maybe I'm just... self-obsessed, but I... I just don't think about it that much, you know? And then, ummm, other times it... it just kinda sneaks up on you, you know? I mean, it's... like a disappointment of being the product of something that didn't work out. Because that's what our parents are. They're our... our primary examples of love, and... in my example it just wasn't I guess, strong enough to... Umm... (he stands to leave) Nikki: Dawson? Dawson: Yeah, I should keep going. Ummm, tell you dad thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cape Fest - Jen sits on the tent which she obviously had no success with. Jack walks up.) Jen: Oh, Jack, thank God you're back from your stalk... walk. You're never going to guess who I ran into here of all... (she sees Ethan behind Jack) Hi. Ethan: Hello. Jack: Ethan, Jen. Jen, Ethan. Jen: Nice to meet you. Ethan: It's nice to meet you. Looks like you could use a little help with this tent. Jen: Yes. Please. Relieve me of all of my feminist delusions about the equality of the sexes concerning spatial relations. Jack: Uh, listen (he pulls Jen off a bit, out of hearing range of Ethan) All of his stuff got stolen, okay, all his gear. So, uhh, he needs a place to stay tonight. Jen: And you, being the kind-hearted soul that you are, offered him a spot in our tent. Jack: Yeah, so could you, uhhh, go take a walk for a couple of hours? Come back around, say, midnight? Jen: You're kidding me? Jack: No. Go mix, mingle. Write a few letters for Amnesty International. You'll probably make a lot of nice new friends. Jen: You know what, I got a better idea. How about me and the car, we go back to Grams' house and we pick you up in the morning? Besides Jack, I thought that you two were just getting to know each other. Jack: Hmm-mm. (Disgusted, Jen walks off. Suddenly she hears music and she walks over to a camp fire where people are listening to someone play the guitar. Jen finally realizes it's Henry.) Henry: (singing) Well we busted out of class. had to get away from those feelings, we learned more from a three-minute record, baby, than we ever learned in school Tonight I hear the neighbourhood drummer sound, I can feel my heart begin to pound, you say you're tired and you just want to close your eyes, and follow your dreams down (chorus) well we made a promise we swore we'd always remember no retreat, baby, no retreat (Jen watches with a smile on her face. Capeside High Auditorium - Play rehearsal has begun. Pacey is sitting at a table, opposite another actress.) Pacey: (reading script very monotone) It's not that kind of club. It's a locker room and a hand-ball court, and to sleep there I'd have to keep winning the serve... Mr Broderick: No, stop, right there. Pacey, in theory your character may deliver his lines like that, but in concept, no. Pacey: In concept, no? Mr Broderick: Yes. Pacey: Well, what precisely is the difference between 'in theory; and 'in concept'? Andie: Well, I think what Mr Broderick means is... Mr Broderick: What Mr Broderick means is that he can speak for himself. You see, Paul desires his young bride to know she knows nothing of the real world. Pacey: Right. Which practically speaking, means what? Mr Broderick: Louder, and angrier. Pacey: Louder and angrier? Mr Broderick: Yes. Let's do it again, right now. Louder, and angrier. Pacey: (yelling, very angry, totally not right) It's not that kind of club! It's a handball court with a locker room, and to stay there I'd have to keep winning the serve! Mr Broderick: Good. I liked it. Pacey: (surprised) You liked that? Mr Broderick: Well, except for the hand stuff. (to Pacey) You were gesticulating. Pacey: (Pacey leans back in his chair with his feet up on the table) Whoa, hey, gesticulating? Me, never. I mean, sometimes in the privacy of my own home... Andie: Wh.. wait, Pacey. That, just now, that's it. You nailed it. Pacey: What 'just now'? Andie: The joke. The dry, smug delivery. That's the character. Mr Broderick: Wha... Miss McPhee? Am I, or am I not the director here? You're confusing my actors. Andie: Well, I just thought that... Mr Broderick: Don't think. Ever. (to the actors) Let's do it again. Louder, and angrier. Pacey: (extremely angry and pounding the table) It's not that kind of club! It's a hand-ball court with a locker room attached to it, and to stay there I'd have to keep winning the serve! (Cape Fest - Jack and Ethan stand outside the finally put up tent.) Ethan: This is really cool of you guys. I... you're sure Jen's not going to mind if I take her sleeping bag? Jack: Definitely not. She's, uh, she's a bit of a night owl. Ethan: Old girlfriend? Jack: Nah, not exactly. (they go inside the tent) But we did get set-up once. Ethan: Let me guess? School dance? Jack: Yeah. How'd you know? Ethan: The punchbowl, wrist corsage, all the trappings of straight-dom. Until you realise you both like boys. Oldest story in the world. (Ethan gets into Jen's sleeping bag.) Ethan: Well, goodnight. Jack: (disappointed) Ah, goodnight. Ethan: (looking at the lantern) Aren't you going to turn off the light? Jack: Look, I... I was thinking, maybe, um, you know, we could talk... some more. Ethan: You know what? I'm really beat. We got a big day ahead of us tomorrow. Twenty bands starting at daybreak. (Jack, still disappointed, turns the light off and lays his head down. Outside, Jen walks over to Henry who is packing his guitar up.) Jen: Hey. Ummm, that was really beautiful. I mean, that was more than beautiful, it was... it was awesome. Henry: Whatever. Jen: I didn't know that you could sing? Henry: I thought we established that there's a lot you don't know about me. (walking off) Jen: Henry, Henry wait up for me. Henry: Why? Jen: Because I wanted to talk to you. Henry: Look, you can't... you can't keep doing this to me. Jen: Doing what? Henry: Trying to be my friend and then pushing me away wh... when my feelings scare you. Jen: OK, I admit it. I miss you. I miss the goofy way that you used to look at me with all that passion and intensity. It made me feel that I was actually worth the fuss. Henry: You know, I used to spend every day thinking about you, and dreaming about you. And every time you walked by, I lost myself. Do you know what that feels like? Do you? Jen: No. Henry: Then you couldn't possibly know what it feels like to have that person not have the same feelings back. Look, I'm sorry you miss how I looked at you. But I don't miss how you never looked at me. (He walks off, leaving Jen there alone. Dawson's Bedroom - He is taking his posters down when Joey enters through the window.) Joey: Have I stepped into some parallel universe? Say it isn't so, Dawson. Dawson: It's very so, Jo. Joey: Is this about your parents? Dawson: Truth me told... I don't know what it's about. All I know, is I was at Nikki's house today and we were talking, and it hit me. The kid who hung these posters up... I'm not him any more. I don't see the world the same way. My viewpoint was so limited, and now I... I don't know what I see, but I don't see this. Joey: So you were at Nikki's house? Your worst enemy? Dawson: Hey, she's not my worst enemy. Have you missed everything that I've just told you? Joey: I never thought that I'd say this about you Dawson, but, you're such a sell out. Dawson: What? Joey: I mean, first Eve practically tugs you around town by a dog collar, and now this new film girl breezes into town and you're tossing your identity out the window. Dawson: I'm not tossing my identity out the window. If anything, for the first time in my life, I'm actually getting closer to discovering what my identity is, alright? I talked to Nikki; she helped me sort through all the crap with my parents. Joey: Dawson, I wanted to talk to you about that and you didn't want to talk. Dawson: No, I didn't. How did this become all about you? Joey: Because you ran to her! Dawson: (yelling) I did not! Joey: (yelling also) What did you do then? Dawson: Look, you want to site this for a friendship, try this on for size, Joey? Every time I express one iota of interest, or even respect, for anyone else of the opposite sx, you attack me like I'm some sort of criminal. Joey: And you don't attack me? Dawson: No, I don't. As you've noticed, I have not once asked about Mr. Ivy League. Joey: Yeah, that's noted. His name is A.J, okay? And maybe you're not asking about him is worse than my attacking you, okay? Dawson: No, it's not. My choice is civil. Joey: And I'm not civil? Dawson: No, you're yelling. That's not civil. Joey: You're yelling too! (Dawson realises he is and stops.) Joey: Out with the old, in with the new, huh? Have fun. (Joey crawls out the window and Dawson goes over and slams it shut. Cape Fest - the following day, Jack and Ethan climb out of the tent.) Jack: Well, I'm gonna go grab some breakfast before the music starts. Ethan: Thanks again for letting me crash here. Jack: Sure. Ethan: Aren't you forgetting something you're supposed to ask me for? Jack: I don't think so. Ethan: My number, Jack. You know, so you can call me sometime, we can talk, get together. Jack: I don't get this. I mean, last night, you didn't seem interested enough to want to talk to me, and now all of a sudden you want me to have your number? Ethan: I was tired. I wanted to sleep. That's got nothing to do with us being friends. Jack: Friends? Ethan: I figured you were probably interested. Jack: You're not? Ethan: Even if I was, I would never go there with you, you're so not ready. Jack: How could you possibly know what I'm ready for? Ethan: It doesn't mean that I'm not interested in you, Jack. It just means that if I'm gonna stay in your life, and I want to, then I'm a lot more likely to stick around this way. Jack: So, you are interested? Ethan: (smiles) No comment. Jack: Wow, this is, uh, this is sort of funny. I mean, as much as I didn't want to admit it, you were the first guy that I was ready to take that... that next step with, and you said no. I guess I should be somewhat discouraged. I don't know, I mean, I keeps me really optimistic just to know that there's someone like you out there. (Ethan writes his number on a pad.) Ethan: (giving Jack the pad) Take care, Jack. (Capeside High Auditorium - All the actors sit around, waiting for the director.) Girl: I had a date. I ditched a perfectly good date for a non-rehearsal. Andie: Okay, be patient. He'll show. Guy: Oh, joy, then we can do more "louder, angrier!" Pacey: Well, why not just start without the grand poo-bah? I mean, Andie's here, she can direct us. Andie: How about not. I've been in the dungeon enough, thank you. Pacey: What? All we're gonna do is run through a few lines. Besides, wasn't it you who said this is actually your after-school activity? Hmm? Andie: Okay, fine. Pacey, do your dead-pan thing. Cory, when the phone rings I want you to do just like the stage directions, you know, confidential, umm, laughing at times, provocative, okay? Okay, on my direction. Okay. And... begin. (Cape Fest - Jen walks around when she notices Henry drinking coffee on the back of a truck bed.) Henry: (pointing) The stage is over there. You lost or something? Jen: Kinda. Actually, I came here to apologise. Henry: For what? Jen: For being callous with your heart. For thinking that just because I'm older, I knew better. Last night, I stayed up all night thinking about what you said, and... you're right. I don't know what it's like to be in love like that. I don't know what it's like to completely lose yourself in somebody else. But I'd like to. And if one of us is younger than the other here, I don't think that it's you, Henry. Henry: You got that right. Now... (holding up the coffee pot) how do you like your coffee? (Capeside High Auditorium - Rehearsel is still going on. Everything looks clean and well acted.) Girl/Cory: You can't say that we didn't try. Pacey/Paul: Yeah, almost two whole weeks. Girl/Cory: It's better than finding out in two years. (Mr. Broderick, who is standing at the back, begins clapping.) Mr Broderick: I like it. I like where this is going. Pacey: Yeah, we started running it with Andie, and... Mr Broderick: All those exercises I've been throwing out at you to stretch you range, they're paying off beautifully. Girl/Cory: Mr Broderick, we ran through those with Andie... Mr Broderick: I like the pacing, I like the funny, I like the energy. Andie, get me the set designs, would you please. Pacey: I'm telling you, all those things were Andie's ideas. Mr Broderick: Yes, sir. I mean, I... I was beginning to doubt myself there for a moment, but you guys are definitely in the groove. The rest is just grunt work, memorisation, pacing... the easy stuff. (He looks at the designs that Andie has returned with.) Mr Broderick: Andie, these aren't the set designs that we discussed. Andie: They are. I told Lauren you wanted a completely simplistic set. Freestanding doorways, hanging windows, and minimal props. Mr Broderick: Well then I changed my mind, didn't I? I mean, the... the actors will send this stuff flying around like a trapeze. Andie: No, no, no, Mr Broderick, we don't... Mr Broderick: Andie, don't argue, just follow orders. (to the actors) Alright. Let's run the scene again. Same way, no changes. (Andie walks off, slamming the designs on a table before exiting the theatre. Pacey follows her.) Pacey: Andie, you can't leave like this, alright? You said yourself that this guy thinks he's God's gift. He's just terrified that someone's going to find out that that he's not. Andie: No, I can't work under these conditions, okay, it's hard enough as it is. Pacey: Okay, alright, if it's hard, I'll quit. Andie: You can't do that. I mean, you're... you're actually good. Pacey: (smiles) Thank you. But the fact still remains that you're better, alright? We need you in there even if that guy's a jerk. You gotta stick it out. I mean, I need you, McPhee. Andie: What am I supposed to do? Resume kissing his ass? Pacey: Yeah, basically. Andie: Well, is he going to stay out of my way? Pacey: Who Broderick? You're talking crazy talk, he'd never do anything like that. It'd be too easy. Andie: Alright then, what's in it for me? Pacey: Well that depends. I mean, are we talking in concept or in theory? (She smiles at him.) Pacey: Alright, what's the verdict, yes or no? Andie: I thiiinnnkkkk... no. Pacey: Alright, good. I mean, you know actually, that's kinda what I expected you to say, so, um (he walks up the stairs) I'll see you at rehearsal then. Andie: What? No, Pacey, I said no. Pacey: I'm sorry, what did you... I can't hear you. It's good to hear you're so fired up about this project. Andie: Pacey, I said no. Pacey: ...it's good. Andie: Oh, Pacey, I said no. (Cape Fest - Jen and Jack are in final stages of packing the tent up.) Jen: So all your efforts to secure some major scam time with the new beau backfired? Jack: Yeah, well, it turns out that the gay version of the 'let's be friends' speech is basically the same as the straight version. Jen: Hmm. So would that mean that the part when you were rude and insensitive, and sent me off into the cold dark night unescorted... that was all for nothing? Jack: 'Rude' is such a... a strong word. I... I prefer something more like, uh, momentarily self-involved? Jen: Now that does have a certain ring to it. Jack: Am I forgiven? Jen: Yes, Jack, you are forgiven. You know, it's a happy turning point in a girls life when her gay best friend finally dumps her for another boy. They should make some sort of greeting card for that. Jack: Wh... hold on, what happened? Jen: What? Jack: You're good attitude. I mean, you're wigging me out here. Explain. What did I miss? Jen: Well, remember when you sent me off into the night and told me to make new friends? Jack: Yes! I thought we already established that was not my finest hour. Jen: I know. Well, let's just say that... that while I was wondering around I may have... inadvertently stumbled upon somebody. Jack: A, uhh... friend? Jen: Yep. Jack: Anyone I know? Jen: Yeah. Yeah, most definitely someone that you know. Jack: Well who is it? Jen: I'm not telling. Jack: Who is it? Jen: Uh-uh. (Jack tickles Jen, trying to force it out of her.) Jen: You're not getting it out of me! (Dawson's Bedroom - Dawson lays on his bed when a knock is heard at the window.) Joey: Do I still have ladder privileges? Dawson: I suppose so. (Joey climbs inside holding a rolled up sheet.) Joey: I come bearing gifts. (She unrolls the poster. It is a John Lennon "Imagine" poster.) Joey: Do you remember? Do you remember that summer we came across a pile of Mitch and Gale's old Beatles albums, and listened to them on the porch everyday for hours? Dawson: Grams kept on yelling for us to turn down that hippy music. Joey: Yeah... and you wanted to be John Lennon. You wanted to write songs and change the world with your music. Dawson: I did? Joey: You did. You weren't just about Spielberg. You weren't limited. You... you were about so many things. I just wanted to remind you of that.(hands the poster to Dawson) I also wanted to remind you that, even though sometimes my emotions, particularly jealousy, uhh, sometimes get the best of me, I still hear you. No matter how much we yell, or, no matter how quiet you are. I hear you, Dawson. Dawson: I hear you too, Joey. Joey: Listen, I know what's going inside of you is huge. It's okay if you don't share it with me. Just promise me you'll keep trying to share it with someone? Dawson: (gesturing the poster) Do you want to give me a hand? (They both climb on the bed and hang it up.) Dawson: Hmm. So what do you think? You think John here will inspire me to walk my own path? Joey: You've always walked your own path, Dawson. You just needed to widen it a little. And be on the look out for your Yoko.
doc_271	[ The cafeteria ] Leonard: Have you guys heard about this research team that's trying to transgenically manipulate chicken DNA to create some sort of chicken dinosaur? Sheldon: Oh, I think that sounds wonderful. Howard: What? You're afraid of both dinosaurs and chickens. Sheldon: Yes, but tell me a dinosaur chicken salad sandwich wouldn't hit the Mesozoic spot. Raj: Hey, guys. Howard: Hey. Sheldon: Hello. Raj: We still on for tomorrow night? Leonard: Yeah. I'm excited to finally meet your girlfriend. Sheldon: Speaking of which, according to a recent study out of Oxford University, when someone takes on a new romantic partner, that person loses one or two close friends. Howard: Since when do you read social science? Sheldon: I go to the bathroom like everybody else. Raj: Why would I lose friends just because I started dating someone? Leonard: Yeah, you didn't lose anyone when you met Amy. Yeah, well, no, this study refers to romantic partners. Not the way I would categorize the two of us. Raj: You guys kiss and hold hands. Leonard: I've seen him do it. It's not romantic. Raj: Look, I'm not the kind of guy who drops his friends just because he's in a relationship. Leonard: What happens if she doesn't like us? Raj: Well, hey, you're my dear friends. You'll get a Christmas card for a couple of years, and then you're dead to me. [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ We built the Wall ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] We built the pyramids [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] Bang! [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x04 ♪ Original Air Date on October 6, 2014 [SCENE_BREAK] [ The apartment ] Amy: So, Howard, is Stuart still living with your mom? Howard: I don't want to talk about it. Bernadette: But he's going to. Howard: My mom got him cable. In my whole life, growing up in that house, no cable. Do you know how many HBOs that leech had my mother get him? Seven. Seven HBOs. Seven. Bernadette: Long story short, they have seven HBOs. (knocking) Raj: Hey, guys. Sheldon: Hello. Raj: Emily, you know almost everybody here. Emily: Hi. Raj: And this is Leonard, this is Penny. Emily: Oh, it's so nice to meet you. Leonard: Nice to finally meet you, too. Penny: Hi. Emily: Hello. Leonard: Wow, Raj, you were not lying about her. Raj: I told you she exists. Penny: Hey, I hear you're a dermatologist. Emily: Uh, yeah, I'm a resident at Huntington Hospital. Sheldon: Oh, I like their emergency room. Yeah, even if it turns out you don't have Dengue fever, they still let you take a lollipop. Bernadette: You know, Penny just started training to be a pharmaceutical sales rep. Maybe she can practice on you some time. Penny: Oh, it would be great to practice on a real doctor. Emily: Yeah. I'm sure that'd be fine. Sheldon: I have some odd freckles on my buttocks. Can I make an appointment for you to look at them? Emily: Um, okay, I guess. Amy: I'm with him three years, nothing. She's with him two minutes, and he's taking his pants off. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's apartment ] Bernadette: Last night was fun. What did you think of Emily? Penny: I don't know. I kind of got the sense she didn't like me. Bernadette: Did she say she didn't like you? Penny: Of course not. No one ever says they don't like you straight to your face. Amy: We have led different lives. Bernadette: You guys just met. Why would she feel that way? Penny: It's just this vibe I got. Bernadette: I'm sure you're worried about nothing. Penny: Yeah. You're probably right. I used to think my high school P.E. teacher didn't like me, but it turned out, she liked me a little too much. Bernadette: Really? Penny: Yeah. It was fine. We went to a Melissa Etheridge concert, I got an A, it all worked out. Bernadette: When you go to Emily's office to practice, you'll see. It's fine. Penny: Yeah, I hope you're right. Amy: You really went your entire life without anyone saying I hate you to your face? Penny: Yeah. Amy: I'd say it now, but look at those cheekbones. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Capital Comics ] (rock music playing) Sheldon: I miss Stuart's place. All this loud music and exposed brick. What, is this a comic book store, or a rave at the third little pig's house? Howard: Yep, I wish Stuart would reopen. I hate this place, too. Leonard: Okay, him I believe because he's an 80-year-old man in a 15-year-old's tee shirt. But you're just upset about Stuart and your mom and all their HBOs. Howard: Yes, I am. You know, I can't even watch Game of Thrones now without thinking of mother saying, Stuart, which one is Thrones? Raj: You know, he might not reopen. He didn't get a lot of money from the insurance company. Sheldon: Oh, boy, if there is one thing that gets my goat, it's those dad-gum insurance companies. Leonard: Why? Because they won't get off your lawn? Is Stuart trying to get a loan, or, or find investors? Howard: All I know is, he's got my mother buying four-ply toilet paper. I mean, four-ply. If his butt is so delicate, why doesn't he just use an angora rabbit? Sheldon: For starters, they shed and bite. Leonard: Hey, here's a thought. Why don't we put up the rest of the money that Stuart needs? Raj: So, we'd be, like, owners of a comic book store? (all chuckling) Leonard: It's kind of a dream come true. Howard: That does sound fun. Raj: Ooh, maybe we could come up with a business plan to compete with this place. Sheldon: I'll give you a plan right now. Step one, open comic book store. Step two, start rumour this comic book store gives you genital warts. Step three, buy a big bag to put the money in. Leonard: It's not that bad. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Emily's surgery ] Penny: Hey. Emily: Hi. Penny: Thank you so much for letting me practice my sales pitch on you. I really appreciate it. Emily: Sure. Penny: Um, I brought coffee. I wasn't sure what you like, so I got a regular, a cappuccino and a Chai tea. Since you like Raj, I thought you might be into that. Emily: Thanks. If we could get started. I'm a little busy. Penny: Oh, yeah, sure. Let me just get out my materials. Leonard gave me this briefcase. He used to carry it around in high school. You can still see the dent where they whacked him with it. Okay, I would like to talk to you about our new birth control pill, Femevra. Emily: Great. Penny: So, Femevra's triphasic design provides balanced hormonal exposure. Emily: All right. Penny: It has also been shown to cause significantly fewer side effects than other oral contraceptives. Although it can cause acne, which, if you ask me, kind of increases its effectiveness as a contraceptive. Emily: Funny. Penny: Okay, I'm sorry. Did we get off on the wrong foot? Because since the other night, I kind of feel like you might have a problem with me. Emily: No, it's fine. Penny: Are you sure, because it doesn't seem fine? Emily: Okay. If you really want to talk about this, I do have a problem. Penny: Oh, my God. Tell me, what did I do? Emily: Look, it's nothing. It's just, Raj told me that a while ago, you two hooked up. Penny: What? Oh, why would he say that? Emily: Did it not happen? Penny: Well, I wouldn't exactly call it a hook-up. Emily: Did you kiss? Penny: Yeah. Emily: Were you naked? Penny: Yeah. Emily: So, it was a hook-up. Penny: No. Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The apartment ] Sheldon: So, what are some ways we could set our comic book store apart from the competition? Leonard: Oh, kids buy comic books. It would be great to figure out a way to get more kids in the store. Howard: You know, when I was a kid, I loved going there, but I could never get a ride. Raj: Ooh, what if we got a van and drove around and picked kids up? Sheldon: Nice. You mean, like at parks and schools? Howard: Toy stores, puppet shows. Leonard: Hold on. So, your idea is to get a van and cruise the streets looking for kids to pick up? Sheldon: Yes. Leonard: And are you gonna use candy to lure them in? Raj: We are now. Penny: You told Emily we hooked up? Raj: Um, well, in my defence, I tell everybody. Penny: Why would you say that? Raj: We were having a conversation about past lovers. Penny: We weren't lovers. Come on. Everyone knows we didn't sleep together. We got drunk and fooled around. Why couldn't you just leave me out of it? Raj: Well, we were being honest. You would leave me out of the conversation with the next guy if you dumped Leonard? Leonard: Why say it? Penny: Yes. Raj: Well, I would never leave you off my list, and not just because, without you, we're playing fast and loose with the word list. Penny: Well, good job. Now she hates me. Ugh. Raj: Great. Sheldon: On the bright side, that Oxford study was right. One friend down. I wonder who you're going to lose next. Raj: You, okay? It's you. You're, you're next. Sheldon: No. You're crazy about me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's apartment ] Penny: I don't know what Emily's so upset about anyway. Even if I had slept with him, so what? Everyone has a past. Amy: Hmm-hmm. Penny: Almost everyone has a past. Bernadette: Come on, look how pretty you are. I'm sure this isn't the first girl to hate you. Penny: It's not. Bernadette: And I'm sure you can turn it around. Penny: How? You can't force someone to like you. Amy: What if you just hang around and act like her friend until you wear her down? I mean, next thing you know, you're in her home, you're eating her food, drinking her wine. Penny: No, that won't work. Amy: You're right. Cheers. Bernadette: Oh, I know. Why don't you use your sales training to go back down there and sell yourself? Penny: What? Bernadette: Yeah. But instead of selling a drug, you'd be selling Penny. it's cute. Penny: It's stupid. Bernadette: Well, maybe people would like you more if you didn't crap all over their ideas. Amy: I'm gonna go with Penny on this one. Then again, why wouldn't I? I mean, we go way back. Penny: Oh, my God. I didn't used to like you. Amy: Shh. Amy's here now. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Capital Comics ] Sheldon: You know, the more I think about it, the more intrigued I am about having our own store. Howard: We'll get to see all the new stuff before it hits the shelves. Sheldon: And we'll get to have fun interactions with our customers. Like, this isn't a library, buy it or get out. Howard: You say things like that all the time. Sheldon: Yes, but as a store owner, I'll finally have a good comeback to, You don't work here, shut up. Leonard: Uh, do you know how Penny told Raj he should have left her off his list? Howard: Yeah. Leonard: Well, do you think when she and I had that conversation, she left people off her list? Sheldon: I'm sure she did. Leonard: Why? Sheldon: Because if she hadn't, she'd still be wading through the list. Leonard: Will you stay out of this? Sheldon: If only Penny had said that once in a while. Howard: Hey, what difference does it make? You're the one she wants to marry. Leonard: That's true. Howard: Yeah, and I'm not sure that complete honesty is always the best thing for a relationship. Sheldon: Yeah, he's right. Once, in a moment of candour, I told Amy that her hair reminded me of a duck caught in an oil spill. She stormed out. Which was sad, because we were playing Scrabble, and I had all the letters to spell persimmon. Leonard: Why are you even part of this conversation? You don't know anything about women. Sheldon: I know that if I had a wife or a fiancée, I'd ask her first before I invested money in a comic book store. Howard: He's right. Sheldon: Yeah, well, of course I am. I was also right about her hair. It did everything but quack. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The stairwell ] Leonard: There's something I wanted to run past you. Penny: What's up? Leonard: Mm, the guys and I were thinking about investing in Stuart's comic book store. Is that okay? Penny: Why are you asking me? Leonard: Well, you know, we're engaged, and it's kind of a big deal financially. It seems like something we should talk about. Penny: Oh. Well, would you consider mounds of credit card debt kind of a big deal financially? Leonard: Yeah. Penny: Huh. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Howard and Bernadette's apartment ] Howard: Mm. So, me and the guys were talking about this great investment opportunity. Bernadette: Nope. Howard: But you didn't hear what it was. Bernadette: I know. Howard: Oh, come on. Bernadette: Fine. What is it? Howard: It's to help reopen the comic book store. Bernadette: Nope. Howard: Well, hear me out. Bernadette: Howard, you know we're saving up for a house. Howard: I know, but all the guys are doing it. We're splitting it four ways, so it's really not that much money. Bernadette: It just seems like a risky investment. Howard: I get that. I, okay, look, the real reason this is important is, before my dad left me and my mom, he used to take me to the comic book store. It was one of the few things we did together. Bernadette: Oh. Howie, I had no idea. Howard: Well, I don't like to talk about it. Bernadette: Oh, baby. That story's made up, isn't it? Howard: That's how much buying a comic book store means to me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The apartment ] Sheldon: I'd like your honest opinion on something. Amy: Of course. Sheldon: Now, before I start, I need you to know that I'm very excited about this, and anything you say that isn't enthusiastically supportive will throw our entire relationship into question. So, keep an open mind. Amy: I'm feeling a little backed into a corner, Sheldon. Sheldon: Perfect. Now, I'm considering investing in Stuart's comic book store. Amy: Interesting. Can you see how a grown man, an accomplished scientist, who invests in a store that sells picture books about flying men in colourful underwear might be wasting both his financial and intellectual resources? Sheldon: No. Amy: Then I think it's a terrific idea. Sheldon: Great. Wait till you hear about our van. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's apartment ] (knocking) Raj: Hey. Penny: Hi. Raj: Thanks for inviting us over. Penny: Oh, thank you for coming. Emily: Uh, listen, Penny, before you start, I just want to apologise for being so rude the other day in my office. Penny: No, no. No need to apologise. Raj: Excuse me, can I say something? I just love both you guys, and I want you to get along. And when I say love I meant as a friend. And, uh, way too soon, right? Penny: Okay, sit down. Listen, Emily, what happened between me and Raj was a long time ago. Raj: It was, and I may have made it seem like a bigger deal than I should have. Penny: Yeah, and Leonard and I are engaged now, and I'm just hoping we can put this whole thing behind us. Emily: Mm. I'd like that, too. Yeah, I thought I'd be okay with it, but then I saw how pretty you are. Penny: Oh, that's so sweet. I mean, look at you, you are gorgeous. Raj: It's true, you're both gorgeous. Kind of says something about the man who could bed you both. You get why I've been alone most of my adult life. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mrs Wolowitz's house ] Stuart: So, what brings you by? Howard: Well, I don't need a reason, it's my house. Stuart: Technically, it's your mom's house, but we certainly want you to feel welcome. Howard: I'm always welcome. Stuart: Mm, just try and call first. Bernadette: Okay, let's get down to business. Howie was thinking about putting up some money to help you reopen the store, but before that happens, I have a few questions. Stuart: Oh. I appreciate the offer, but actually your mother already gave me the money. Howard: What? Stuart: Yeah. I told her it was too much, but she said she was happy to help out her bubala. Howard: Excuse me. Ma, you are cancelling that cheque, and Stuart is not your bubala, I'm your bubala. You can't have more than one bubala. Stuart: I don't know who he's talking to. She's at Target, buying me shirts. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's apartment ] Raj: I'm so glad we could work this all out. Penny: Yeah, me, too. Emily: You know, we should have dinner one night with you and Leonard. Penny: Oh, we would love that. Raj: Great. (both chuckle) Penny: Okay, good night, guys. Emily: All right, night. Penny: Bye. Emily and Penny (simultaneously): I hate her. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The apartment ] Raj: I'm really disappointed we're not gonna have our own comic book store. Leonard: I know. I was looking forward to it. Sheldon: It would've been so nice to have a place that was ours, where we could just sit and read comics in peace. Howard: With comfy seats. Raj: And snacks. Sheldon: Well, I guess it was too good to be true. Leonard: Yeah. (all sigh)
doc_272	Act 1 Scene 1 - The Radio Station. Fade in. Frasier is on the air. Frasier: Go ahead, Sophie, I'm listening. Sophie: [v.o.] Hi, Dr. Crane. My husband's having some of his friends over to watch the game Sunday, and I think it'd be nice if I could have some of my girlfriends over too. Frasier: Sounds reasonable. Sophie: Exactly. I mean, it's just football. Larry: [in the background] Not football, Einstein, the Super Bowl. Frasier: Ah, that would be your doting husband now. Sophie: Larry, this is a private conversation. And for God's sake, use a plate! Frasier: Sophie, why don't you put your husband on the line? Sophie: Pick up. Larry: Ah, geez. [picks up, louder] Hello! Frasier: Larry, I gotta tell you, I'm afraid I side with your wife on this one. Larry: That just proves you don't know the first thing about football. Frasier: What I do or do not know about football has... Larry: OK, how's this: My wife's friends can come over if you can answer even one little football question. Like... Frasier: Now, I don't see that that's in any... Larry: You're down by six, you're on your own forty, three seconds left, what do you do? Frasier: Well, all right, you would... Roz gets his attention and grabs two telephone handsets. Frasier: You would take your receivers, [Roz sets them together] and line them up, [she pretends to throw] and then throw a pass. [big throwing gesture] A long, long pass. Larry: Yeah, and what's the name for that? Roz gets down on her knees, crosses herself, and prays with an innocent look on her face. Frasier: A Hail Mary. [Roz gives him the thumbs up.] Sophie and Larry, I hope you enjoy the game. In the meanwhile, this is Coach Crane saying, I'm listening. Roz comes over to change some tapes on Frasier's console. Roz: I'm impressed you're so good at charades. Frasier: I'm impressed you could mime a virgin. So, Roz, you walkin' out? Roz: No, I got stuff I gotta do. I've got some carts to rack, and I want to put together some Best of Crane tapes. Frasier: Oh, your mother's still in town? Roz: In town, in my apartment, and when I left this morning, in my refrigerator, smelling my milk! Frasier: Oh, lord. Roz: I, I love her, I just wish I could get a couple of hours to myself one night. Frasier: Well, why don't you just ask her? She might enjoy a little time to herself. I know my dad does. Roz: You are so lucky. I wish my mother drank alone. They walk over to Roz's side. Frasier: You know, Roz, your mom's about the same age as my dad, isn't she? Roz: Yeah, I guess. Frasier: Does she date much? Roz: Since my father left, practically never... no, hang on... Frasier: No, no, hear me out, Roz. Now, Dad hasn't dated anybody since he and Sherry broke up, I'm starting to worry he's lost his nerve. A date with your mom could be a tremendous favor to him. Roz: I don't know. Frasier: Oh, come on, I'll tell you what: I know it's awkward but there's a way to minimize that. Niles and I are having dinner with him tonight. We'll take him to McGinty's, he'll feel comfortable, you and your mother can just happen by. We'll see what transpires, you know, they'll never even know it's a fix-up. Roz: Oh, what the hell, I'll give it a shot, I guess. How's five sound? Frasier: Five? Your mother is ready for dinner at five? Roz: I keep her on Wisconsin time, that way she's in bed by eight. Frasier walks out. FADE OUT. A.K.A THE LAST ONION OUT OF POMPEII Scene 2 - McGinty's Fade in. Niles and Frasier are sitting at a table, Martin brings a plate over. Martin: Hey, look what I got here, boys! A Funion Onion. The chef sent it over with his compliments. Frasier: I wonder what his insults are like. Martin: [to a waitress] Hey, Bonnie! Bonnie: Hey ya, Marty. Oh, you must be Frasier, the big radio star. Frasier: Oh, yes. Hello. Bonnie: Your dad is so proud of you, he talks about you all the time. Who's your friend? Martin: Now, what's wrong with you? I told you about my other son. Bonnie: [shaking Niles's hand] Oh, of course, what am I thinking? Nice to meet you, Eddie. Martin: This is Niles. How 'bout some beers, Bonnie? Bonnie: Coming right up. Niles: Oh God, look. The group coming in the door, they're from the Shangri-La. A group of guys come over and punch Niles on the shoulder. He puts up his fists and weaves back and forth. Jimbo: Whoa, it's the Coyote! Niles: Evening, evening, Jimbo. Check you later. The guys go over to the bar. Martin: Wow, you got a nickname down there already. That's great! The Coyote? Niles: Yes. Frasier: And how did you earn that honorific? Niles: Oh, it was quite the merry road. Yes. It evolved from Niles to Nilesy to Niley to Nile E. Coyote and now simply "The Coyote." The guys at the bar start howling at him. Niles: Oh, well, just when I thought it couldn't be refined any further. Roz and her mother, Joanna, come in. [N.B. Eva Marie Saint's first (and Oscar-winning) film role was as Edie Doyle, Marlon Brando's love interest in 1954's "On the Waterfront."] Frasier: Oh, goodness, look who's here! Roz! Roz: What? We don't see enough of each other during the day? Frasier: Hello, Joanna. Joanna: Nice to see you again, Frasier. Frasier: Nice to see you again, too. Please, won't you sit down and join us? Joanna: Oh, no, we don't want to intrude. Frasier: Oh, no, no, please, the more the merrier. Roz: All right. Mom, this is Frasier's dad, Martin Crane. This is my mom, Joanna Doyle. Martin: Very nice to meet you. And this is my other son, Niles. Niles: How do you do? Joanna: It's a pleasure. DISSOLVE TO: after dinner. Martin and Joanna have cleaned their plates, while the others still have food. Frasier: Roz, will you just look at the two of them. Roz: How did you two manage to finish all that? Joanna: Oh, please. This is how our generation ate every day. I used to live on cigarettes, whiskey sours and bacon cheeseburgers. Martin: Yeah, and what about breakfast? Fried eggs, sausage patties, hash browns... Niles: My God, last night I ate a profiterole and lay awake 'til dawn waiting for my heart attack. Joanna: Those were simpler times, weren't they, Marty? Martin: Oh yeah, we didn't worry about dumb things like cholesterol. We worried about puttin' food on the table, keepin' the yard clean and the car shiny. Joanna: And the H-bomb. Martin: Well, yeah, that. Frasier: Say, Roz, we better be going if we're going to get that work done tonight. Niles: Oh, I should be going too. Roz: Mom and me are going to that jazz club on Fifth. Frasier: But we promised to finish those promos tonight. Roz: Oh, right. Mom, I'm sorry, I totally forgot. Joanna: It's OK. Frasier: Wait, I've got an idea. Uh, Dad, since I'm kidnapping Roz, why don't you take Joanna to the jazz club? Martin: Well, sure, I'd love to. Roz: Is that OK with you, Mom? Joanna: If Martin's game, I'm game. Frasier: Oh, well, perfect. OK, you kids just have some coffee, we'll see you back at the apartment later, OK? Joanna: All right. Niles: Very, very nice to meet you. Joanna: Thank you. Roz, Frasier and Niles go to pay the check. Joanna: Look at them. They think we don't know this is a setup. Martin: Well, how could we figure it out? We're just a retired detective and an attorney general. [they laugh] CUT TO: Roz and Frasier by the bar. Roz: You were absolutely right, they didn't suspect a thing. Frasier: I told you Roz, just leave it to the master. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment. Fade in. Daphne is sitting in Martin's chair eating popcorn and watching television. Roz brings another bowl in from the kitchen. Frasier is on the couch. Roz: God, I thought they'd be home by now. Frasier: Roz, will you please relax and watch the pageant with us? They're right in the middle of the talent competition. [She sits next to him.] Daphne: It's shameless the way they're sucking up to the international panel of judges. Miss Germany just played "Lady of Spain" on a French horn. Frasier: Roz, you're gonna chew that nail right off. Stop it. Roz: I can't help it. I'm nervous. Do you think it's gonna turn out OK? Frasier: Who cares? Daphne: Not for Miss Brazil. Look at the tree trunks on her. She's her own little rain forest. Roz: I just keep worrying that she's gonna have a lousy time, and it will be all my fault. Screwing up, like always. Frasier: Oh, come on, Roz. Your mother doesn't think you're a screwup. Roz: Oh, yeah? In high school, I ran my own informal shoplifting clinic. In college, I dropped out of pre-law because it interfered with Bruce Springsteen's touring schedule. And now I'm an unwed mother. What would you call me? Daphne: Tramp. Frasier: Daphne! Daphne: It's Miss Venezuela. If that dress of hers was slit any higher, you could see Caracas. Frasier stares at the set, Roz has to nudge him to get his attention. Frasier: Oh, oh, Roz. You know what? So what if they don't get along? So we made a mistake. Roz: [getting up for some sherry] You don't understand. My mother doesn't make mistakes. She does everything well. She's smart, successful, classy... oh, what the hell was I thinking? Frasier: [rising] About what? Setting her up with my father? Roz: No, that's not what I meant. Frasier: That is exactly what you meant! Roz: Well, OK, Frasier. No offense, your father is a very nice man, but let's face it: My mother was the attorney general of Wisconsin. Frasier: Well I hope he remembers to curtsey before the Dairy Queen! Daphne: [getting up] This is ridiculous. I'm going to watch this in my room. Miss Finland just laid out her plan to end world hunger, and I missed it! She goes off to her room. There is the sound of the key in the lock at the front door. Frasier: Oh, lord. He and Roz hurry to sit on the couch. Frasier: Oh, Roz, that is the best promo of all. Roz: Oh, hi! How was your evening? Joanna: Oh, the jazz was first rate. But I'm afraid I talked Martin's ear off. Martin: Oh, you're crazy. Your mother tells wonderful stories, Roz. I could have listened to her all night. Joanna: You are either too kind or a little tipsy. But thank you. Come on, Lammy. I really had a lovely time. Martin: Well, I can't remember when I had a better time. We're gonna have to do this again. Joanna: Bye, Frasier. Frasier: Goodnight, Joanna. Lammy. They leave and Frasier turns to Martin. Frasier: [grinning] So... Tell me all about it. Martin: Well, being a gentleman, I don't want to go into the details, so suffice it to say, it STUNK! Frasier: What? Martin: [putting up his coat] That was the dullest evening of my life. The way she drones on and on. Do you know how many metric tons of eggs Wisconsin produces every year? Frasier: No. Martin: Well, I do! Frasier: Oh... Martin: Look, Frasier, I know you meant well, but if you ever set me up again, I'll kill you in your sleep. Goodnight. He goes off to bed. There is a quiet but insistent knocking at the door. Frasier opens it to reveal Roz. Roz: [excited] I told my mom to meet me downstairs. I just had to come up and tell you. She had the best time! She can't wait to go out with your father again. Will you tell him to call her tomorrow? Oh, Frasier, this whole thing worked out like a dream! Martin: [crossing to the kitchen] It's amazing! Her voice is still echoing in my head! Frasier: Yes, it's like a fairy tale over here, too. Roz leaves. FADE OUT. End of Act 1 Act 2 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa. Fade in. Frasier and Niles are standing at the counter. Frasier: I've just got to find some way to tell Roz. Niles: Why? It's just going to hurt her mom's feelings. Frasier: Her feelings are going to be hurt anyway. She's here 'til Sunday. She's expecting him to call. Oh, dear God. At least this way Roz can let her down easy. Their coffees come. Niles: Looks like both of us have difficult conversations ahead of us. Frasier: What's yours? Niles: All week long, I have been getting less coffee and more foam in my cappuccino. It's about time for someone to raise a little hell. Who's on steamer duty? Frasier: Well, it's that hulking fellow, Thad. The one who doesn't react when his arm touches the steamer nozzle. Thad comes from the back. He is huge. Niles: Where is that suggestion box? He walks over and Roz comes in. Roz: Oh, hey Frasier. Frasier: Hi, Roz. Roz: Double espresso to go, please. [Roz and Frasier sit.] Listen, I really need to thank you again. My mother had the best time last night. And when we got home, WE started talking. We ended up staying up half the night. Frasier: Oh, Roz I'm glad for you, but... Roz: It was like a wall came down. She just opened up to me. She started talking about how hard it was on her when my dad left, and how lonely she's been, and it was like she was talking to a girlfriend instead of her screw-up daughter. So, has Martin called her yet? Frasier: No. But he will. Soon. Uh, he had a really busy morning. Roz: Well, how does this weekend look? 'Cause she's leaving Sunday night. Frasier: Sunday? Oh, well let's see, tonight is poker night, that's no good. Saturday he's made plans to, uh, drive Duke to Tacoma for that all day... Tacoma-Fest. Roz: Well, on Sunday we go to a matinee and then I drive her to the airport. Frasier: Oh, darn. Roz: Wait a minute. I can give my ticket to Martin and they can go together. Frasier: No, no, Sunday's no good, because that's the, uh... Roz: Oh right, it's the Super Bowl! Frasier: Right, the Super Bowl. You know how Dad is about football, it's like a religion with him. In fact, he's made Niles and I promise that we'd watch it with him this year. Roz: Oh, well, OK. Let's just forget about the tickets and we'll come over and watch the game. Is there any reason why that won't work? Frasier: Not that I can come up with. Roz: That's great, my mom's going to be so excited. [She turns to pay her bill, Niles takes it and puts it on the counter.] Oh, thank you, Niles. I'll see you Sunday at your Super Bowl party. She leaves and Niles sits. Niles: [sitting] I see you told Roz the news and she went insane. Frasier: Couldn't do it. Told her we were watching the Super Bowl with Dad and she and her mother are coming over. Niles: This is a nightmare! Frasier: I know. I've got to find some way to tell Dad. Niles: I have to watch the Super Bowl?! Frasier: I suppose the sooner I tell him, the better. Niles: Oh, not necessarily. Frasier: What do you mean? Niles: Well, you know Dad. If you warn him Joanna's coming over, he'll just bolt to McGinty's. If I were you, I'd wait until five minutes before game time and then spring it on him. That way he has no choice but to stay. Frasier: I think I owe him more than five minutes' warning. Besides, Dad would never deliberately hurt Joanna standing her up. He is first and foremost a gentleman. Martin comes in. Martin: I saw Roz, so I hid outside in case that old gasbag of a mother was with her. Well, I guess she wasn't, everybody's still awake. [SCENE_BREAK] ROUGHING THE PASSER Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Martin is watching the pre-game as Frasier paces nervously. Martin: Look at those guys in the locker room. Nervous, hearts pounding, probably a little sick to their stomachs, poor kids. Frasier: Yes. Until I got out of high school, I didn't there was any other way to feel in a locker room. Martin: What's the matter with you? You keep looking at your watch. Frasier: Was I? Martin: Yeah. Is there something on your mind? Frasier: No, no, but there's something I wanted to talk to you about, but now's not the time. The doorbell rings. Frasier: Now's the time. Martin: Just let me get the door. Frasier: No, Dad, Dad, that's what I have to talk to you about. You see, that's going to be Roz and her mother. Martin: What? Frasier: Well, Joanna had such a good time with you the other night, and you did say that you would see her again, and rather than send her home with her feelings hurt, I had to tell her you wanted her here. Martin: What, like a date? Frasier: Well, that's the beauty of it. It's like a date, but it's not a date. Just, you know, make small talk, you pass the dip. Martin: No, Frasier, you don't understand... Frasier: Now, Dad, I know you found her a little less than scintillating, but please, it'll be over before you know it. Frasier opens the door, Bonnie is there. Bonnie: Hey, Frasier. Frasier: Hi, Bonnie. Bonnie: Martin. Martin: Hey, Bonnie, glad you could make it. Let me hold this. See, this is what I was trying to tell you, Frasier, I invited Bonnie. Frasier: [taking her coat] Oh, how nice. Martin: Well, what do you got here? Bonnie: Oh, it's my special deviled ham in the shape of a football. But I still need to put on some macaroni laces. Martin: Oh, the kitchen's right down there, just holler if you need anything. [She heads over.] Frasier: What did you invite her for? Martin: Well, because I like her, and I thought I might want to ask her out, and I thought if she came over for the game it might be a step in the right direction. I mean "like a date but not a date." The doorbell rings again. Frasier: Now that's gonna be Roz and her mother. Bonnie: Should I put some coffee on while I'm in here? Martin: You better, we're gonna need it. Frasier: Would you come on, Dad? Would it kill you to be civil for the length of one Super Bowl? What is that, an hour out of your life? He opens the door to Joanna and Roz. Alice is with them. Martin: Hi! [The ladies shush them and motion to the baby.] Sorry. Come on in. Joanna: Thanks so much for inviting us. Martin: Wouldn't be fun without you. Roz: Frasier, could you show Mom where Alice can finish her nap? Frasier: I'm sure Dad would love to. Martin: My pleasure, just come this way, Joanna. So, you a big football fan? Joanna: No, actually I've never even seen a game. I was hoping you'd explain as we go along. They head down the hall, Martin pauses to glare at Frasier. Bonnie: [coming from the kitchen] OK, who's hungry? Oh, hey, I'm Bonnie. Roz: Hi, from McGinty's. I didn't know you were coming. Bonnie: Yeah, Martin invited me. He was real cute about it. He checked with all the waitresses to find out if I was single. Roz: Oh. [She looks questioningly at Frasier.] Frasier: Yes, well you know how Dad is always trying to, ah... Niles comes in. Bonnie: Hey, the Coyote! Frasier: Find a new girl for Niles. Niles, you remember Bonnie. She waited on us at McGinty's. Niles: Oh, of course. I'll have a vodka martini, very dry. Frasier: Don't be silly, Niles. Bonnie is here as our guest. Roz: Yeah, your dad thought you two might hit it off. Niles: [not enthused] Oh. Bonnie: [even less enthused] Oh. Niles: The Superbowl and a date. Hot diggity! Bonnie: Well, come here, you're just in time for my specialty. Niles: Oh, I... [She pops a cracker in his mouth.] Mmmm! Isn't that interesting! Something formerly ham. Daphne: [coming from her room] Well, I'm off to the cinema. Niles: You're not staying for the game? Daphne: Sorry, but Ameican football's not for me, and they're showing "Wuthering Heights" downtown. I think it's the most romantic movie ever made. Niles: You're going alone? Daphne: Yes, unfortunately. It's more fun to go with someone, except of course it always ends the same way: Me weeping all over me date's shoulder while he does what he can to comfort me. Bonnie: Oh, you should have seen me cry putting onions in this ham loaf. I must've gone through a whole roll of toilet paper. Daphne: Well, enjoy your game. Niles: Frasier, may I see you in the kitchen? Martin and Joanna come back. Martin: That's amazing! You do all you do and you still have time to be a docent at the cheese museum on the weekends? Frasier, can I see you in the kitchen? Frasier: Just a second, Dad, I gotta take drink orders in here. Cut to the kitchen. Martin comes in as Niles is rinsing his mouth at the tap. Niles: Thanks for setting me up with that Spam-happy tootsy. Martin: What are you talking about? Niles: Bonnie. Frasier told me you invited her here for me. Martin: I invited her here for me. He probably said I invited her for you because he didn't want to upset Miss Boring's feelings. Frasier: [entering] Now, now, no private conversations. Your dates are waiting. Martin: They're not our dates! Niles: We hate them! Frasier: Now listen. I realize that this is a very difficult situation, but if we all cooperate, we can send everybody home happy. Dad, if you would like, you can discretely take Bonnie aside and tell her what's going on. Martin: Bonnie, can I tell you something? Frasier: I said DISCRETELY! Cut to the living room. Joanna: I think the game is about to start. Roz: Oh, that reminds me, I want to get Alice's bottle warming. Bonnie: Oh, you have a baby? Joanna: Oh, the most adorable little girl. Martin: Oh, she's a real beaut! You oughta see her, Bonnie. Roz: You can come with me if you want when I feed her. Martin: No, you go ahead and get that ready, I'll show Bonnie, it's right through there. Frasier: Now, Dad, don't you get fresh with Niles's girl, there. Martin: Oh, I won't if he won't. He and Bonnie head to the bedroom. Joanna: Your father is really smitten with that baby, isn't he? Roz: I think he's just got a weak spot for the Doyle women. Joanna: Oh. Frasier: Yes, well, he may appear to have a crusty exterior, but deep down inside, Dad's just an old softy. Martin and Bonnie's voices come from the baby monitor Martin: [v.o.] Well, there's the kid. Kind of a goony-looking thing, isn't she? Niles: Is that Dad? Martin: Look, Bonnie, I gotta tell you somethin'. I didn't ask you here for Niles, I asked you here for me. Frasier: It's the baby monitor! We should just... Joanna: [grabbing it away from Niles and Frasier] Shh. I want to hear this. Bonnie: But I thought you were with Joanna. Martin: No, no. Frasier and Roz set us up last week. I told Frasier I thought she was a big snooze. Especially compared to the fun you and I have at the bar, but he stuck me with her again. Frasier: You know, I bet they know it's on... Roz: Yeah. Frasier: And they're just having some fun with us... Roz: Yeah. Joanna: Frasier, just stay put. Bonnie: Then Niles isn't my date? Oh, there's a relief. I mean, no offense, Marty, but... Martin: Hey, you don't have to tell me. Niles: [grabbing his coat] OK. If anybody wants me, I'll be at the movies. [He rushes out.] Bonnie: So you really like me? You're not just pulling my leg? Martin: You want proof? Joanna: I think we can turn this off now. Frasier: Joanna, I am so sorry. I know it sounded bad, but... Joanna: No, no, not at all. I'm sure your father meant "big snooze" in the most flattering sense. Roz, maybe we should leave. Roz: What were you thinking? Frasier: Oh, Roz, I certainly wasn't thinking that he had a date planned. Roz: I'm just going to get Alice. Mom, I'm so sorry. Joanna: Believe me. Twenty years in politics, I've been called worse things than boring. Roz heads back, Joanna heads for the door. Joanna: Well, I hope you'll understand if I just slip out without saying goodbye to Martin? Frasier: Of course, Joanna. The last thing we need today is another awkward situation. Martin: [o.s.] Whoa-ho-ho, Roz! Knock, will ya? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment. Fade in. Frasier opens the door to Roz. Roz: I left my diaper bag. Frasier: Right. Can you come in for a bit? Roz: I really shouldn't. Frasier: Roz, I'm so sorry. Roz: It's all right. I mean, I'm not gonna say that my mother wasn't hurt, but she did start to smile a little bit about it on the way to the airport. Frasier: You know, I've been sitting here, trying to figure out why I was so eager to play matchmaker for Dad. Roz: Oh, you're not alone. I mean, I was excited once I thought it was going well. Frasier: Well, I suspect I wasn't doing it so much for him as I was doing it for me. I see him here all the time, all alone, I wonder if maybe that's not gonna be me someday. Roz: Oh, God. I think the same thing sometimes when I see these older ladies in my building. They all want to babysit Alice just for the company. I mean, she's a cute baby, but she ain't no Dorthy Parker. Frasier: Ah, well, we're both gonna be fine. I was just thinking, though, if we wanna play it safe, we could make one of those, uh, pacts. Roz: You mean, like in forty years, if neither one of us finds anyone... Frasier: Yeah, exactly, we'll marry each other. Roz: I was gonna say kill each other. Frasier: Well, six of one... They laugh as he closes the door. FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Niles is at Cafe Nervosa. The waiter brings his cappuccino. Angered at the amount of coffee, he pulls out his notepad and jots a complaint. He goes to put it in the suggestion box but as he gets there, Thad comes out. Niles crumples the note and Thad holds up the trash can for him. Niles ends up throwing the note past his head and runs out. Guest Appearances Special Guest Star EVA MARIE SAINT as Joanna Doyle Guest Starring ALICE PLAYTEN as Bonnie ROCKY McMURRAY as Jimbo Guest Callers PHIL DONAHUE as Larry MARLO THOMAS as Sophie Quick Summary {nicholas hartley} ACT ONE SCENE ONE - KACL Frasier is on air and is taking his last caller. It's a woman who says her husband is having a superbowl party on Sunday for his friends however he won't let her friends come over. The husband comes onto the phone and says he'll let them come over if he can answer a simple football question. Roz mimes the answers to Frasier in order he can get it correct. After signing off as "Coach Crane" he has a chat with Roz where she reveals that her mother is in town and has become a burden. Frasier suggests that she should start dating Martin to get her out of the house. So they agree to "accidentaly" meet at McGinteys. SCENE TWO - MCGINTEYS Martin, Frasier and Niles are seated at a table as the waitress; Bonny comes over. She seems to know Martin. After greeting him she realises who Frasier is and talks about how proud Martin is of him. Then she turns to Niles and thinks he's a friend. Martin covers up saying "I've told you about my other son". However Bonny still gets it wrong and calls him Eddie. After she's left, some people from the Shang-ri-la enter who Niles trys to hide from. However they spot and proceed to play fight calling him the coyote. Niles explains his nickname: It went from Niles to Niley to Nile. E. Coyote and then just to coyote. However at that moments it's refined further as the shang-ri-la guys address him with a coyote growl. After this Roz and her mother, Joanna, enter. Frasier notices her and pretends he didn't expect her. He gets them to sit at the table - with Joanna next to Martin. SCENE THREE - MCGINTEYS LATER Everyone has finished eating however Martin & Joanna are the only ones who have cleared their plates. They explain how they never worried about calories in their day and how they ate full cooked breakfasts. Niles is disturbed by this. Roz suggests to Joanna that they better leave as they have a jazz concert. However, Frasier stops her and tells Roz they must discuss the promos. This was obviously planned as Roz decides to give her ticket to Martin so the two "love birds" can go off together. Joanna and Martin agree as Niles, Frasier and Roz leave saying that they have no idea it was a set up. However we see that they do know. SCENE FOUR - FRASIER'S APARTMENT Daphne and Frasier are watching a "Miss. World" pagent whilst eating popcorn. Roz comes in looking worried, she explains her worry to Frasier. However he's not really listning to her as he watches her pagent making sarcastic comments with Daphne about the women. Roz explains how her mother MUST BE perfect, she says SHE NEVER makes wrong choices. Roz explains how Martin isn't right for her. Frasier is angered by this as he believes Roz thinks her mother is too high up to be dating someone as low down as retired cop. They begin arguing as Daphne trys to watch the television. Daphne gets up in a huff saying she just missed something before storming off to her room. Frasier tells Roz to stop worrying just before they hear the front door opening. Roz and Frasier quickly head to the sofa to look at the promos, as if they had been doing that all the time. Martin and Joanna enter looking pleased with each other. They make little comments and it seems they want to see each other again. Joanna leaves so Martin can tell his TRUE side of the story to Frasier. Martin says that he actually hated the date. He says she droned on and on with boring facts; eg: the egg production in Wisconsin. Martin heads off to the room with the words "If you ever set me up on a date again, I'll kill you in your sleep!" Frasier is shocked by this and rather distressed. Frasier rushes to the door, it's Roz. She looks really excited and explains how her mother had such a good time. Joanna cannot wait for a second date. Roz also says how a wall has been broken down between her and her mother. She says she will now talk openly about how she felt when her father left. She really is exstatic. At this point Martin walks out saying "her voice is still in my head". Frasier cannot bring himself to tell her that Martin hated the date and says "it's like a fairytale here too!" ACT TWO SCENE ONE - CAFE NERVOSA Niles and Frasier are at the bar. Niles takes a drink from his cappuchino and he puts it down in disgust. He says that each week there gets more foam and less coffee. He decides to tell the waiter, however when he realises the waiter is a bit too macho for him he changes his mind and looks for the suggestion box. Frasier tells him about Martin's date and not being able to tell Roz. Niles tell Frasier he must do the right thing and tell the truth. Roz enters and begins talking to Frasier. She says Martin hasn't rung yet. Frasier again can't bring himself to say anything so instead says he will. Roz looks at her calender and checks it with Frasier. He makes excuses up for every day. So Roz suggests that she brings Joanna up on Sunday to their super bowl party, which Frasier has no way of escaping out of. She leaves and Frasier tells Niles the news, and that he must also be at the superbowl party. Niles gives Frasier some advice: to tell Martin about this five minutes before. If he tells him in advance he'll probably escape to McGinteys. So Frasier decides this is probably the best option in the long run. SCENE TWO - FRASIER'S APARTMENT Martin is watching the warm up before the superbowl on the television and Frasier swims around laying out food. The doorbell sounds and he takes Martin aside. He says it will be Joanna which just angers Martin. He answers the door, surprisingly, to Bonny who is carrying some food. She makes her way to the kitchen as Martin explains that he invited her over in order to ask her on a date. Frasier is distraught by this as he answers the door to Joanna. Joanna and Martin begin chatting before they take the baby away to a room. Bonny then enters laying the food out and Roz inquires about why she's here. Frasier pretends that Martin invited her here for Niles. Bonny is confused by this. At this point Niles enters through the front door and hangs up his coat. He is shocked when he realises that Bonny is his date however he goes along with it to be polite. Daphne enters at this point and heads out the door - she explains she's going to see "Whuthering Heights" at the cinema by herself. She goes onto say how, if there was someone there, she would only end up crying in her dates shoulder. After sampling one of Bonny's culinary "delights" he enters the kitchen. Martin enters just after him. Niles tells him off for setting him up with Bonny. Martin tells Niles he invited her here for himself, and that it was probably Frasier's idea so not to offend "Miss. Snoozey". Frasier enters the kitchen and tells them to see to the dates however Niles & Martin disagree saying they hate them. They all enter the room where Joanna begins talking about the baby. Bonny asks to see the baby, so Martin takes her off. Unfortunately the baby monitor is switched on and the conversation about the dates are heard. Both Martin and Bonny don't like their dates. Upon hearing this, Niles takes flight in order to catch up with Daphne at the movies. Joanna is a little disturbed by this but says she's not too offended. She leaves without saying goodbye to Martin. Roz follows her after shouting at Frasier. SCENE THREE - FRASIER'S APARTMENT Later on, Roz comes back up to his apartment and they talk about looking at their parents love life and comparing it with their own. They explain that they'll probably never get married and time is runnung out. Frasier says they should make a pact; like in forty years if they find no one they should marry each other. Roz says she was going to say "kill each other". [SCENE_BREAK] Niles is writing out a suggestion about the foam to put in the suggestion box. However, the waiter stands over him so he decides to screw it and throw it in the bin. Niles makes a run for it whilst the waiter just stares at him.
doc_273	FLASH OPEN: [EXT. VARIOUS LOS ANGELES CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [HOLLYWOOD STREET SIGN] WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. VARIOUS HOLLYWOOD (STREET) - NIGHT] (Various shots of prostitutes walking the street in front of various establishments.) Dakota: Hey. "JERSEY" (ELLIE): Hey. You get anything? Dakota: No. (A car pulls up alongside them.) "DAKOTA": My, uh, knight in shining German armor has arrived. "JERSEY" (ELLIE): See if he has room for two. (Dakota sighs. They lock pinkies as Dakota heads for the car.) "JERSEY" (ELLIE): Careful. (Dakota leans over the curb and looks into the car.) Dakota: Hey. You wanna party? (Dakota looks back at "Jersey". Dakota gets into the car and closes the door. She waves back at "Jersey".) ("Jersey" signals for Dakota to give her a call. The car drives away.) FLASH TO: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - DESK - MORNING] ("Jersey" is at the police station. The officer at the desk isn't too interested in what she's saying.) Officer: It's only been a few hours. "JERSEY" (ELLIE): Dakota always calls me. We have a system. Something is wrong. Officer: Why don't you go home, Jersey? Eat something for once, get some sleep. (Disgusted, "Jersey" turns to leave. With a last look at the officer, she slaps her hand on the counter in frustration, then leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY] (Walking along the sidewalk, "Jersey" takes out her cell phone and dials.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. (LAS VEGAS) POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - DAY] (Brass is working when his phone rings. He puts the pen down and answers it.) Brass: (to phone) Hello. Ellie Brass: Hello, Dad? Brass: Ellie. Are you okay? SMASH CUT TO: END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Brass steps out of his office and looks both ways down the hallway. He sees the sheriff and heads over to him.) Brass: Oh, hey, Sheriff. I'm glad I caught you. (Brass stops in front of the sheriff.) Brass: Um ... I got to take some emergency leave. It's a ... it's a family matter. Sheriff Burdick: I didn't know you had a family. Brass: Well, you're new. We haven't had a chance to talk. Um ... I, uh, briefed my lieutenant on my cases. He'll cover for me for a couple of days. Sheriff Burdick: This is not a good time for family problems. All the narco guys are at a HIDTA conference. I got no backup. I'm still learning the ropes here. (Brass chuckles.) Brass: Well, it's never a good time to have a family problem, Sheriff. Look, I don't ask for time off normally. I'd appreciate the courtesy. Sheriff Burdick: Do I have a choice here, Jim? (The sheriff continues down the hallway.) Sheriff Burdick: (over his shoulder) Get back here as soon as you can. (Brass watches the sheriff go.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MIKE'S DINER (STOCK) -- DAY] [INT. MIKE'S DINER - DAY] (The waitress takes the money off the counter. Brass stands in front of the small counter-top display and picks up a cellophane-wrapped gift with a small pink bear near the ribbon tie on top.) (Brass puts the small gift on the counter. He counts out the bills and pays the cashier.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [HIGHWAY] (Top view down of the highway.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - HIGHWAY - DAY] [EXT. CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT BUILDING - DAY] (Brass walks up to the front of the building.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OFFICE - DAY] (Brass and Annie Kramer hug.) Annie Cramer: You look good, Jimmy. Brass: You do, too, Annie. (Annie Kramer goes to sit behind her desk.) Brass: L.A. seems to agree with you. Annie Cramer: Oh, yeah, well, I couldn't take another Jersey winter. (She sits down. Brass sits down across her desk.) Annie Cramer: Or another Jersey cop. Brass: You stay in touch with the old crew? Annie Cramer: You know, dirty cops don't like to hang with clean ones. Brass: So that's why they called me squeaky? Annie Cramer: I thought what you did took a lot of guts. Integrity is, um, hard to come by in vice. Brass: Yeah, it's the only detail where you're told to drink, gamble and pick up hookers, all the while carrying a gun. Annie Cramer: Garden of Eden. Temptation kills you, or it compromises you. Brass: So, you got my message? My daughter Ellie and her friend Dakota were out partying and Dakota got in some guy's car. Ellie was able to pull a partial. Something about a whale tail. (Brass hands Annie Kramer the notebook paper with: CA PLATE 1TA ) Annie Cramer: California Coastal Commission specialty plates. I'll run it through DMV. Cross reference with BMWs. In the meantime, I pulled Dakota's rap sheet. Brass: She has a sheet? Annie Cramer: They both do. (Brass nods.) Annie Cramer: She, uh, works a stretch on Hollywood Boulevard between Highland and Vine. (She hands the file to Brass. He opens it and sees a photo of Dakota holding the ID numbers: POLICE DEPT Annie Cramer: When was the last time you saw Ellie, Jimmy? Brass: About three years ago. Um, she got into some trouble in Vegas. Hanging around with a bad bunch. (Brass looks at the rap sheet: REYNOLDS, SASHA DOB: 03/04/83 s*x/F RAC/C WGT/120 EYE/BRO AKA: 01 DAKOTA KNOWN ASSOCIATES: BRASS, ELLIE AKA: JERSEY ) (Brass catches a glimpse of the name and looks away.) Brass: Looks like her taste in people hasn't changed much. (He shuts the file. Annie hands Brass a slip of paper.) Annie Cramer: Here. Last known address. In case you don't have it. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET -- DAY] (Brass pulls up the front of a dingy apartment building. In the background, a dog barks. Brass gets out of the car and looks at the building. Graffiti litters the walls. He looks up and sees Ellie step up to the open window.) (He reaches into the car and grabs his cell phone. We note the pink bear gift in the front seat. With his eye on the window, he makes the call.) Brass: Ellie, it's your dad. Ellie Brass: (to phone) How'd you get this number? Brass: Relax, take it easy. I got it off caller I.D. Ellie Brass: (to phone) Oh, okay. So did you make the call? Brass: Yeah. LAPD's looking into it. Ellie Brass: (to phone) Thanks. Brass: Hey, how are you doing? Ellie Brass: (to phone) Great, actually. Livin' at the beach, temping, waiting tables. Got some really good friends. (As Brass watches, a man steps up to the window next to Ellie. He's smoking a pipe and offers it to her. She inhales. He also inhales.) Ellie Brass: (to phone) It's a big bowl of cherries. (She smiles. The man puts his arm around her waist and lingers.) Brass: (to phone) Okay, um, I'll call you when I hear something, all right? (Brass hangs up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. (KOREATOWN) - NIGHT] (Cops are parked around an area. Brass gets out of his car and meets with Annie Kramer.) Annie Cramer: Hey, Jim. Brass: Hey. Annie Cramer: We found the beemer. Found these two kids trying to hotwire it. Whale tail license plate starting with One-T-A. Brass: Let's talk to them. Annie Cramer: I'll talk, you listen. (Annie and Brass walk up to the two kids.) Annie Cramer: All right, what the hell's the matter with you? You looking to die young? 'Cause you can do it inside in lock-up or outside with this wanna-be gang banger stealing cars crap. Kid 1: We weren't stealing nothing. Window was already busted. Car wouldn't even start. We were just playing around. Annie Cramer: You like playing with cars, huh? LAPD's having a car wash fund-raiser on Saturday. You just signed yourselves up. You're welcome. (She steps up and motions to the officer nearby.) Annie Cramer: Come on. (The officer unlocks the kids' handcuffs.) Brass: So, no Rudy Giuliani broken windows theory here, huh? Annie Cramer: Jimmy, windows are already broken. Someone's got to fix 'em. (They walk up to the BMW for a closer look. Brass notices a sticker on the broken windshield.) Brass: Hey, check this out. B-H-G-C? Annie Cramer: Looks like a country club or something. Doesn't read like Koreatown. I'll have my guys run the plates. Brass: Anybody checked the trunk? Annie Cramer: Not yet. (Brass opens the hood.) (The spare tire is missing.) Annie Cramer: Doesn't look good for Ellie's friend. (Annie takes out her cell phone and dials.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. LOBBY (HIDTA CONFERENCE) - NIGHT] (Matt Glazer answers his phone.) Matt Glazer: (to phone) Glazer. Yeah, we're just finishing up. No traffic. I'll be there in about twenty minutes. Okay. (He hangs up and taps Warrick on his shoulder.) Matt Glazer: Vegas? (Warrick turns around.) Warrick: Hmm? Matt Glazer: You know a Jim Brass? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS LOS ANGELES CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [EXT. (KOREATOWN) -- NIGHT] (Warrick and Matt Glazer arrive at the site.) Warrick: Where he at? Matt Glazer: (points) (garbled) Over there. (Warrick walks over to Brass.) Warrick: Jim. Brass: Rick. Rick, what are you doing here? Warrick: I'm here for the HIDTA conference. Buddy of mine from L.A.P.D. told me there was a new captain in town, stirring things up. What are you doing here? Brass: Ah, it's a long, sad story, man. Warrick: Have anything to do with a feisty little blonde named Ellie? Brass: She's not a blonde anymore. Let's check out the car. (Brass and Warrick head over to the car. Annie Kramer stands near the trunk. Brass makes the introductions.) Brass: Captain Annie Kramer, this is Warrick Brown from Las Vegas. Annie Cramer: Good to meet you. (They shake hands.) Warrick: Good to meet you. Matt Glazer: (to Brass) Matt Glazer, L.A.P.D. Crime lab. Brass: Hey, Jim Brass. (They shake hands.) (Warrick looks at the car.) Warrick: Well, I thought L.A. was all about car culture. This reminds me of home. Matt Glazer: Trunk's been stripped clean. Warrick: Too clean. Matt Glazer: Oh, they missed a spot. (Camera zooms in to the spot that was missed.) Matt Glazer: Looks like two large caliber bullet holes. Warrick: But a bullet hole wouldn't make those markings. What is that? Matt Glazer: I don't know. Warrick: It looks like a tool marking. (Quick flash of: A crowbar-like tool is in the hole being jammed in and twisted around, leaving the area scratched up. End of flash. Resume to present.) Matt Glazer: Let's haul it back to impound and find out. (Matt Glazer picks up his things and heads out. He looks at Annie Kramer.) Matt Glazer: I'll be in touch. Annie Cramer: Thanks. Warrick: Hey, you know, uh, Jim, I'm here all weekend. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call. (to Annie) Pleasure meeting you. Annie Cramer: Same here. (Warrick walks past Brass.) Warrick: (to Brass) Remember, what happens in L.A., stays in L.A. (Warrick leaves. Brass looks at Annie.) Annie Cramer: You still a scotch man? Brass: I'll take a rain check, okay. (He smiles and winks at her. Brass turns and walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOLLYWOOD (STREET) - NIGHT] (A car pulls up to the curb. Ellie gets out; the car leaves. She starts walking along the sidewalk.) (Another car pulls up to the curb. She walks up to the car and knocks on the glass.) Ellie Brass: Hey, baby, you want to party? (Brass rolls down the window. Ellie looks at her dad.) Brass: Ellie ... Ellie Brass: Oh, I can't ever trust you. All I did was ask you to make a call. Brass: How's the beach house? Ellie Brass: Go to hell. Brass: I have information about your friend, Dakota. Get in. Ellie Brass: All right. But I'm not playing twenty questions with you. (Ellie slips into the car.) (Just then, a cop car passes, lights flashing.) Ellie Brass: So, did you find her body? (Brass looks at Ellie.) Brass: No. But we found the car. Ellie Brass: So she could still be alive? Brass: We found blood in the trunk. Ellie Brass: No, no, no, she's alive. I can feel it. Brass: Look, do you have anything with her DNA on it, like a hair brush or toothbrush or ... ? Ellie Brass: No. We keep all that stuff in our purse. Brass: How about clothes or sheets or pillowcases, like that? Ellie Brass: We share everything else. Brass: Even the bed? Ellie Brass: I told you I'm not playing that game. Brass: If the lab doesn't have anything to match the blood to, then we'll never know. That's it. (She looks away and sniffs.) Brass: Come on, let's get some dinner, huh? You look hungry. Ellie Brass: Wait. Blood. We went and got tested last week at the free clinic on Ivar. Maybe they keep it. Brass: Tested for what? Ellie Brass: What do you think? Brass: Don't you use protection? Ellie Brass: Guys pay extra for bareback. (She looks away. Brass sighs.) Brass: You're a lot smarter than that, Ellie. Come on. Ellie Brass: Yeah, well, just because you want me to be smarter and sweeter and safer doesn't mean I am. And I got to go. Guess you know how to find me if you hear anything. Brass: Don't go away. Don't-don't leave, don't leave. Ellie Brass: You're one to talk. All my life, that's all you did, walk out. Now we're gonna Norman Rockwell it? Look around, Dad. It's too late. Brass: Don't leave. (Ellie gets out of the car.) Ellie Brass: Leave me alone. (She slams the door and leaves.) Brass: Ellie. Ellie! (Camera holds on Brass.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FREE CLINIC -- DAY] [INT. FREE CLINIC - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Brass and Annie talk with the doctor at the Free Clinic.) Doctor: Here at the clinic, we pride ourselves a confidential relationship with our patients. This is a highly unusual request. Annie Cramer: I understand, but we're investigating a possible homicide here. Brass: We found blood in the trunk of a car. We have reason to believe it could be Sasha Reynolds', street name Dakota. Annie Cramer: We're not interested in whether it's positive or negative. We need it for the DNA. (A young blonde woman walks up to the doctor.) Doctor: How many do you need? Woman: Ten. (The doctor looks at her. The woman looks sheepish.) Woman: Twelve. (The doctor looks at the clerk who hands her the condoms. The doctor hands the condoms to the woman.) Brass: Is that all the help they get? Doctor: These kids come from all over the place with stars in their eyes. While they're waiting to be discovered, they still got to pay their rent. They do a bump to turn their first trick. Next they're turning tricks to get their next bump. We do what we can. You do what you do. (Annie's phone rings.) Annie Cramer: Excuse me. (She steps away to answer it. The clerk hands the doctor a zip-loc bag with the vial of blood in it. The doctor hands it to Brass.) Annie Cramer: (to phone) (o.s.) Yeah. Kramer. Doctor: Good luck. Brass: Good luck to you, too, doctor. Annie Cramer: (to phone) You're kidding me. Terrific. Okay. We're on it. Bye. (She hangs up as Brass steps up to her.) Annie Cramer: We got an R.O. on the car. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOLLYWOOD SIGN (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. PICCONE RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE - DAY] (Annie Kramer and Brass walk up the front drive of the large home. Brass picks up the paper and follows Annie to the front door.) [EXT. PICCONE RESIDENCE - FRONT PORCH - DAY] (Annie rings the doorbell. The door opens. A young, well-dressed man in a suit and tie answers. He smiles at Annie.) Todd Piccone: Captain Kramer. Annie Cramer: Hey, Todd. (Todd glances at Brass.) Todd Piccone: What's up? Annie Cramer: I, uh, stumbled across something. Thought I'd pay you a house call. You missing a car? Todd Piccone: Yeah, it was stolen. (Again, Todd glances at Brass.) Annie Cramer: You didn't report it. Todd Piccone: No, I didn't. Annie Cramer: What's that about? (Todd turns and looks at Brass.) Todd Piccone: Who are you? (Brass smiles at Todd.) Annie Cramer: I'm sorry, this is an old friend of mine, Captain Jim Brass, Vegas P.D. (Brass gives Todd his newspaper. Todd puts the paper aside.) Todd Piccone: Off the record? Annie Cramer: Okay. Todd Piccone: I went down the hill. I was, um ... lonely. Partook of the services of a certain kind of young lady. And while we were getting acquainted, I was carjacked. (Quick flash of: [NIGHT] Todd Piccone and Dakota are in the car when someone carrying a gun taps on his window.) Dakota: Just relax. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Todd Piccone: I was set up. It was probably her pimp or drug dealer. Brass: How'd you get up the hill? Todd Piccone: Took a cab. Brass: They didn't take your wallet? Todd Piccone: Oh, the car was worth more than the cash. They knew what they were doing. Brass: It's a pretty sweet ride. I'm still hung up on why you didn't report it. Todd Piccone: Captain, maybe I should introduce myself. Todd Piccone, Assistant City Attorney. Let's just say that my reputation is worth more than my car. Brass: Then maybe you should stop having dates in your front seat. (Annie turns and looks at Brass.) Todd Piccone: You're right. Lesson learned. Thank you, officer. (Todd turns back to Annie.) Todd Piccone: So the car was stripped, I'm sure, uh ... South Central? Koreatown? East L.A.? Annie Cramer: Koreatown. Brass: How would you know that? Todd Piccone: 'Cause, Captain, that's where good cars go to die in Los Angeles. Annie Cramer: Hey, Todd, I don't suppose we could take a look around? Todd Piccone: Uh, yeah. You know, I'm expecting company. Now's not a good time. (He closes the door on them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CAR (MOVING) - DAY] Brass: We need to get a warrant to get into that house. [INT. CAR (MOVING) - DAY] (Annie drives.) Annie Cramer: Oh, yeah? Well, we don't have enough. Brass: Enough for a city attorney? Annie Cramer: You know, give me a break. You know how many cars get jacked in L.A. every day? He admitted to being with a prostitute. What makes you think he's not telling the truth about the rest? Brass: He's hinky. I can feel it. Annie Cramer: Your gut can talk to my Judge. Or better yet, talk to Ellie. You should. You should get the 4-1-1 on Dakota from her. Brass: There's an unreliable witness. So what do we do now? (She sighs.) Annie Cramer: We eat steak. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MUSSO'S GRILL (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. MUSSO'S GRILL - DAY] (Annie leads Brass into the restaurant.) Annie Cramer: Tony, how are you doing? Table for two, please, in the back, if you could. Brass: What are we doing here again? Annie Cramer: I'm doing you a big favor. (As they head toward the back, they come across a large table with various well- dressed powerful men. Judge Silvio Peters stands up to greet Annie.) Judge Silvio Peters: Annie, hello. Annie Cramer: Hey, Judge Peters. What a nice surprise. Judge Silvio Peters: Nice to see you. Annie Cramer: Good to see you. How's that porterhouse? Judge Silvio Peters: Eh, I haven't started yet. (Annie introduces Brass to the group of men.) Annie Cramer: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine, Captain Jim Brass, LVPD. Brass: Hey. Annie Cramer: This is Judge Silvio Peters, Councilman Joe Cohen. Brass: Judge, Councilman. Annie Cramer: Comptroller Daniel Reichmann, and Vic Patterson. (Brass shakes Vic Patterson's hand.) Brass: Hey, Vic, how are you doing? Vic Patterson: Soon to be mayor. (Vic Patterson laughs.) Vic Patterson: Hey, you know what? We shot a couple episodes of my show in Vegas. You remember that? Right? Brass: Right. Vic Patterson: The Eagle. Yeah, you guys were great. You always treated us really well. Brass: Well, we try. Annie Cramer: Remember how great he was as that cop? (Vic Patterson laughs.) Annie Cramer: Like he was playing you. (The others around the table laugh.) Brass: Well, that's not easy. (As they continue talking, Annie walks over to Judge Silvio Peters and speaks to him quietly.) Annie Cramer: (to Judge Silvio Peters) Listen, since I happened to run into you ... we found Todd Piccone's car just off of Vermont. Had bullet holes and blood in the trunk. He claims it was stolen, but I'm hoping that I could get a look around his house a bit ... Vic Patterson: Oh, you know what? Let me get you an autograph or something. Little something for me. And a little something for you. (Vic Patterson reaches into his jacket pocket for a pen. Brass happens to catch the tie clip he's wearing with the letters B-H-G-C on it.) Judge Silvio Peters: If you had enough for a warrant, you wouldn't be here. You'd be on your cell phone, calling me from Tommy Burger. (Annie suspected as much.) Annie Cramer: Finish your steak before it gets cold. (Vic Patterson gives Brass the napkin with his autograph on it.) Vic Patterson: There you are. Brass: I'm touched. Thank you, man. Thank you. Gentlemen. Annie Cramer: Enjoy your lunch, gentlemen. Nice to see you. Judge Silvio Peters: You as well. (Annie and Brass leave the table.) Annie Cramer: (to Brass) Strike one, your turn. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. HALLWAY - DAY] (Annie and Brass walk through the hallway. We hear a television set playing loudly. They stop at apartment 2-F. Annie knocks on the door.) (Ellie opens the door.) Ellie Brass: Oh. Well, if it isn't Dick Tracy and his little sidekick, Nancy Drew. Annie Cramer: We're here on official business. Just let us in. (Annie steps into the apartment. Ellie turns around and heads inside. Brass steps inside. On the television is an ad for Vic Patterson's campaign.) Vic Patterson: (from tv) Vote Vic Patterson. Put some action back in government. (Ellie sits on the bed.) Announcer: (from tv) Vic Patterson has a plan for Los Angeles. He wants to restore trust in City Hall. Vic Patterson has the energy it takes to get Los Angeles back on track ... Annie Cramer: You and Dakota have the same pimp? Ellie Brass: No. We don't have a pimp. We're independent. Brass: I can see that. Annie Cramer: Look, if she were gonna pull a con with some guy, who would it be? Ellie Brass: She's not like that. Annie Cramer: So other than her customers, there's, what, no men in her life? You and she are ... Ellie Brass: Roommates. Brass: Look, you can be cute, or you can help us find your friend. What's it gonna be? Ellie Brass: Well, there's this guy named Ronnie, all right? He was kind of like her boyfriend. Sometimes he would get jealous when she turned tricks. Annie Cramer: Where do we find this Casanova? (She points upstairs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Brass leads Annie through the hallway.) Annie Cramer: Look, you know I can't go in there without probable cause or a warrant. Brass: You're not gonna arrest me for breaking and entering, are you? (Annie sighs.) Annie Cramer: Jimmy, what are you hoping to find in there? Brass: I'll know it when I see it. (Brass knocks on the door.) (With his gun out, he breaks the door in. He and Annie linger in the doorway.) (Inside the apartment is a regular meth lab - buckets, containers, supplies and a hot plate on the tables, chairs and floors.) Brass: Smelled something in the hallway. That's why we broke in, right? Annie Cramer: Yep. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT - DAY] (Warrick picks up an empty box and looks at it.) Annie Cramer: L.A. has over two hundred criminalists. You got to bring your own guy? Brass: Well, Rick is like a vampire. He needs to be invited in. (Warrick hears that one and smiles.) Annie Cramer: If this goes to court, Warrick's going to have to come back and testify. (Warrick stands up.) Warrick: Well, you got beaches, bikinis. Free trip to L.A.? I'm down. (He looks around.) So we got coffee filters, cough medicine, matches, camping fuel ... hot plates. Brass: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Warrick: If this is a meth lab, then there would be free iodine coated all over these walls. And if Matt packed this kit right, I would have some spray starch (Warrick opens the kit and takes out a spray can. Warrick walks over to the nearest wall.) Warrick: ... that would react with the iodine ... (Warrick sprays the wall and it turns blue.) Warrick: ... turning it a nice dodger blue. Yes, it's a meth lab. (Quick flash to: [TOP VIEW DOWN OF TABLE] Fast Forward. Ronnie picks off the items from the table and goes around the room between tables as he works on creating his stuff. He puts the dish on the hot plate and takes a drink of beer as he watches it bubble and cook. The stuff in the dish hardens into powder.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Annie Cramer: So meth dealer and his hooker girlfriend looking for a quick score. Carjacking's not such a stretch. Neighbors are lucky he didn't blow the whole building up. Brass: No guns, no blood. Nothing in plain sight linking him to Dakota's disappearance. Annie Cramer: Well, we'll haul him in on manufacturing. We'll get what we can out of him. Warrick: Jail would be an improvement over this hole. (Suddenly, Ronnie appears in the doorway brandishing a gun, nervously waving it from side to side. Annie and Brass both take their guns out and point it steadily at Ronnie.) Annie Cramer: Drop the gun! Now! Brass: Put the gun down! Ronnie: Bad guys go away. Brass: Put the gun down. Ronnie: You're trying to rob me? Annie Cramer: Drop the gun! Ronnie: I'm being robbed by cops? You're trying to rob me! (Warrick stays where he is and watches.) (Ronnie starts to cry.) Brass: (slowly, clearly) Don't make me shoot you. Put the gun down. Annie Cramer: Come on. (Ronnie puts the gun down on the ground. He puts his hands over his face as he cries.) (Camera holds on Brass.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. -- NIGHT] (Coroners remove the dead body. They carry it in an open bag to the gurney waiting on the grass nearby. In the background, we see Brass standing with Ellie.) Annie Cramer: How long has the body been here? Officer: ... about three and a half hours now. (They put the body on the gurney. Brass and Ellie walk as the coroners wheel the body a little up the path.) Officer: Jogger found her, called it in. Description matched your broadcast. (Quick flash of CGI POV: The body hits the water and sinks to the bottom. The longer the body stays on the bottom of the water, the body fills with gasses that expand and fill it.) Officer: (V.O.) Looks like body gas has brought her to the top. (End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Officer: God, somebody beat the pulp out of her. Any leads? Annie Cramer: Yeah, he's detoxing in the tank. (She looks at the officer.) Annie Cramer: This is why I don't believe in easy money. (The officer nods. Annie turns to Ellie.) Annie Cramer: Ellie. Brass: You have to identify the body. (Brass leads Ellie to the gurney. As they get nearer, Annie leads Ellie to the gurney. Ellie pulls away, but Annie holds on to her.) (Brass walks away.) Ellie Brass: I'm going to be sick. Annie Cramer: No, come here. Come on. Look, I just need an answer. Is this your friend? (Ellie looks at the gurney and nods as she holds back her tears.) (Done, she breaks away.) Brass: (softly) Hey. Hey. (Ellie brushes past Brass, ignoring him.) (Brass' phone rings. Brass turns and watches Ellie run across the playground area outside the crime scene tape. She sits on the slide. Brass answers his phone.) (Brass sighs.) Brass: (to phone) Brass. Sheriff: (from phone) Family business? INTERCUT WITH: [INT. (LAS VEGAS) POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - NIGHT] (The sheriff walks through the hallway while he's on the phone.) Sheriff: That is a wedding or a funeral, or a bar mitzvah. That is not permission to become a vice cop in another jurisdiction. Get back here now. Brass: Who you been talking to? Sheriff: Not that it matters. The police chief called me after Judge Peters called him. I hear they do a nice t-bone at Musso's. Brass: Look, my kid's in trouble, Ben. Sheriff: Well, if she's not dead, you get your ass back here. (Brass watches as Ellie cries.) Brass: Look, write me up for insubordination. I can't come back now. (Brass hangs up.) (Annie watches as Brass lifts the crime scene tape and heads over to Ellie.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. (LOS ANGELES) POLICE DEPARTMENT -- INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Annie Kramer interviews Ronnie.) Annie Cramer: You have a prior. Mandatory minimum for manufacturing -- ten to fifteen. (Brass watches from the observation room.) Annie Cramer: You start to talk about Dakota, we'll see what we can do. Ronnie: Dakota? Now, what that crazy bitch got to do with this, huh? What, she snitched on me? Annie Cramer: Not before you killed her. Ronnie: I didn't kill nobody. Annie Cramer: You have a relationship with her? Ronnie: Yeah, we kicked it, all right? We kicked it. Look, I would never kill no girl with all that good ... all right, look, let's just say I enjoyed having her live downstairs from me, man. Listen ... she knew when to open her mouth and when to keep it closed. Now, her girl, Jersey ... oh, God, the best mouth I ever had. Mmm. That mouth gave me a lot of pleasure. It just never stopped. Annie Cramer: Where were you two nights ago? Ronnie: Out. Annie Cramer: (hard) Be more specific! Ronnie: I-I-I was seeing customers, all right? Annie Cramer: Dakota? Ronnie: No. Annie Cramer: You like BMWs? Ronnie: (shouts, agitated) Bitch, what the f- ... What are you talking about?! (The officer in the room steps forward; Annie stops him.) Annie Cramer: Watch your mouth! I'll lay it out for you. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Ronnie knocks on the BMW's glass. The door opens.) Ronnie: Come on, man. Get out of the car. Todd Piccone: All right. (Todd Piccone gets out of the car.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The BMW drives away, leaving Todd Piccone outside.) [INT. CAR (MOVING) - NIGHT] (Ronnie talks with Dakota.) Ronnie: So, how was he? Dakota: What do you mean? Ronnie: You wasn't supposed to do him. (He hits her in the face. She screams.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Dakota is in the trunk of the car, her face beaten. Ronnie points the gun at her and fires.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Ronnie takes the body out of the car and dumps it in the pond.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Ronnie: You want me to admit to a murder I didn't commit so you can reduce a drug charge? (He sniffs and shakes his head.) Ronnie: What, you high, right? Y-y-you must me high. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OBSERVATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (Annie joins Brass in the observation room. She closes the door.) Annie Cramer: I'm sorry you had to hear that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY] (Brass steps out into the hallway and walks over to Ellie.) Ellie Brass: What did he say? (Brass shakes his head and walks past her.) Ellie Brass: Dad? Brass: You were right; I shouldn't have come. Ellie Brass: I told you he didn't do it. It was that guy in the car. You've got to find him. Brass: Don't you understand? We just pulled your best friend out of a lake. I mean, it was just luck it wasn't you. Ellie Brass: Yeah, well, it wasn't me. Brass: Yeah, not today. But look at you. You've turned yourself into a disposable human being. Don't you get it? You're nothing but plumbing. Ellie Brass: What, you're going to send me to my room and ground me? Have a patrol car pick me up at prom? Or spank me? Brass: Okay. You're right. You're right. I messed up. But I'm just trying to do the best that I can. I wish you could say the same thing. (Brass turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. POLICE IMPOUND -- DAY] (Matt Glazer tests for gunshot residue.) Matt Glazer: Clothes test positive for lead wipe. Confirmed bullet hole. Warrick: Did her DNA match the blood that you swabbed from the trunk? Matt Glazer: Yeah, but the autopsy report said she wasn't shot. Warrick: So, what's with the bullet holes? (They think about it for a moment.) Warrick: Clean-up. (Quick flash of: The gun fires twice. The crowbar is put into the hole. End of flash. Resume to present.) (Warrick lies on a dolly and rolls under the car. He finds one bullet hole and sticks his pinky finger in the hole.) Warrick: One bullet exited. Is the other hole to the left or to the right? Matt Glazer: About seven and a half, eight inches up. (Warrick looks for it.) Warrick: That's the gas tank. (Matt Glazer empties the gas tank. The gasoline is stained red with blood. He searches the liquid and finds a bullet. Warrick picks up the bullet.) Matt Glazer: Looks like a .45. Big, fat and slow. Lucky for us, it didn't have enough power to go through-and-through the gas tank. Warrick: Yeah. Look at that. No wonder those hood rats couldn't get the car started. It won't run on blood. Matt Glazer: Well, that tweaker you busted just got bumped off the top of the list. He had a nine millimeter. Warrick: You think you could run this through IBIS? Matt Glazer: We do have that here. (Warrick smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MOTEL ROOM -- DAY] (Brass is on the phone.) Brass: (to phone) Hey, Doc, did you get my fax? INTERCUT WITH: [INT. (LAS VEGAS) CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Doc Robbins is sitting at his desk and is on the phone.) Robbins: (to phone) Yeah, I did. Brass: (from phone) Yeah, well, it's all Greek to me. Can you help me out? Robbins: (to phone) Mmm, sure, of course. But I thought you were asked to come home. Brass: (from phone) I'll be home tomorrow. Robbins: (to phone) I hope she was worth it. Brass: (to phone) What do you mean? Robbins: (from phone) I don't know; I mean, you put your career on the line. I assume there's a woman involved. Brass: What are you, a detective now? Robbins: All right; let's take a look at this. FX, OC-- that's a fractured osseocartilaginous -- that's a broken nose. (Quick flash of: [AUTOPSY] Close-up of the examiner moving the nose.) Robbins: (V.O.) FX, ST, CL -- sternal clavicle, ... (The examiner feels the body's chest.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Robbins: ... and LAC, SDH on her head -- Lacerations and subdural hematomas. Brass: Cause of death? Robbins: It looks like exsanguination. Brass: So, she was beaten and left to die? Robbins: Beaten with something specific. The L.A. coroner noted repetitive patterned contusions. (Quick flash of: The repetitive patterns on the body.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: Anything else? Robbins: Yeah, the coroner's assistant who prepped her body ... (Quick flash of: The examiner collects the substance under the fingernails.) Robbins: (V.O.) ... collected a green, waxy substance under her fingernails. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Robbins: Also, looks like he found concrete chunks in a bag tied to her waist. (Brass picks up a couple of photos.) Brass: Probably what they used to weigh her down in the lake. (Quick flash of: The bag around Dakota's waist.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PICCONE'S DRIVE - DAY] (Brass is looking at one of the concrete blocks dug up from Tony Piccone's drive. Annie Kramer is next to Brass.) Annie Cramer: You want to say I told you so? Brass: No. I just want it to be over with and have a happy ending. (Tony Piccone rushes out of the house escorted by two officers. He heads down the drive. Warrick and Matt Glazer are there. They stop talking and turn to watch.) Tony Piccone: What the hell's going on? What's up? Annie Cramer: Sorry, Todd. We got the warrant; we have to search. (Annie and Brass head for the house. Tony tries to follow them, but the officers stop him.) Tony Piccone: You got to be kidding me. Wha ... ? Officer: Stay here. (Warrick, Matt Glazer, Annie, and Brass head into the house.) Tony Piccone: I just had the floors polished. Will you at least take your shoes off, please? Brass: I sleep in my shoes, Todd. [INT. PICCONE'S RESIDENCE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (They climb up the stairs to the second level.) Matt Glazer: This guy married? Annie Cramer: No. Matt Glazer: Mm-hmm. Anyone else's gaydar going off? Warrick: Well, he did have a female hooker in his ride. Brass: Well, maybe he swings both ways. Warrick: Why, because he has this nice shag carpet? (Warrick touches the carpet.) Warrick: This carpet's wet. (Matt Glazer and Warrick remove the shag carpet. They find a large bloodstain underneath.) Warrick: Oh, yeah. That's a lot of blood. Matt Glazer: How much, you figure? Warrick: I don't know -- two, three pints? Annie Cramer: Nobody loses that much blood and lives. Brass: She died in this room. Warrick: I don't think we'll be able to get any DNA off this. The carpet solvents probably compromised the sample. Brass: She was beaten multiple times. There must be some spatter or cast-off. (Matt reaches into his kit. He sprays the nearest wall. He gets a blue glow, but the wall television is on.) Matt Glazer: I can't get a clean read. (Warrick stands up near the wall television set.) Warrick: You know what? It's this metal surface. It's giving us a false positive. (Warrick puts his face to the side of the wall and looks at the television set.) Warrick: Does anyone see a remote? Brass: Yeah, got one right here. Warrick: Could you hit the input button until we find a blue screen? Brass: Yeah. (Brass changes the input to the blue screen. They find a large crack in the monitor glass. There's some blood in the crack.) Warrick: Look at that. Matt Glazer: I'll get a sample for DNA. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PICCONE RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Warrick and Brass walk through the kitchen.) Warrick: Nice place. Brass: Mmm. (Warrick opens the trash bins in the kitchen.) Brass: Who needs three trash bins? Warrick: Someone with a lot of dirt. (In the third trash bin, there are empty hard alcohol bottles.) Warrick: Wow. Big party. Tequila. Whiskey. Gin. Absinthe. Brass: The coroner found green wax under Dakota's fingernails. (Camera zooms in for a close-up of the nail marks on the green neck on one of the bottles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. (LOS ANGELES) POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Annie Kramer interviews Tony Piccone.) Tony Piccone: (sighs) Yes, I solicited her. Annie Cramer: So, you admit to having sexual relations with Sasha Reynolds, A.K.A. Dakota? Tony Piccone: No. Annie Cramer: But money changed hands? Tony Piccone: I paid her $60. Annie Cramer: For what? Tony Piccone: I drove her back to my house and introduced her to a friend. Annie Cramer: And then? Tony Piccone: I have no knowledge of what happened after that. Annie Cramer: Does this friend have a name? Tony Piccone: Mmm. A big one. Annie Cramer: You know, Todd, I think you're smart enough to recognize consciousness of guilt. (Todd swallows.) Blood in your house, in your car. All of which was cleaned up. This friend worth going to prison for? Tony Piccone: Turn off that mic. (Annie gives Tony a look. She reaches for the switch and glances at the mirror behind her.) [INT. OBSERVATION ROOM] (Brass watches, but can't hear anything.) (Annie turns the switch back on.) Annie Cramer: (loud) Officer. (The interview room door opens and the officer outside steps into the room.) (Tony Piccone stands up and goes with the officer. Annie watches him go.) (She turns to Brass.) Annie Cramer: He invoked. (Brass nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. -- NIGHT] (Brass is out walking. A car pulls into the parking lot behind him, headlights gleaming directly at Brass.) (The car comes to a stop in front of him, brakes squealing.) Brass: Whoa, whoa, whoa. (It's Warrick.) Warrick: I wanted to catch you before you left. I got a look at the print results from the bottles that we collected just before I was escorted out and asked to leave the lab. Brass: They say why? Warrick: No, but I think I know why. (Brass nods.) Warrick: It's like Chinatown, Jim. Brass: So visiting hours are over, doctor. It's time to go. Warrick: What about Ellie? Brass: What about her? Warrick: Well, she's the only one who can I.D. Todd Piccone as the driver. Brass: Well, I couldn't get much out of Annie, but I don't think Piccone killed Dakota -- it wasn't his scene. Warrick: I don't know. He's involved. It's his house. It's his car. It's his party. Brass: Who's going to believe a tweaker hooker? Warrick: You better hope nobody, or she'll be taking a dirt nap. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ELLIE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT] (Ellie sits at her vanity putting on her make-up. The phone rings.) Ellie: (answering machine) Hey, it's Ellie. Leave a message and I'll get back at you when I can. Brass: Yeah, uh, Ellie, it's, it's your dad. Listen, you were right about the guy; he's a pretty important person with pretty important friends. So, uh, do me a favor. Don't go out tonight. Okay? (The answering machine beeps off.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. BRASS' MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT] (Warrick picks up a bottle.) Warrick: If Dakota had wax under her fingernails, I think she must have been doing more than just pouring. Brass: Self defense? (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Dakota screams. She grabs the bottle by the neck, her fingernails digging into the wax. She stands up and tries to swing at her attacker.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: Who was she defending against? Warrick: From the prints that we got off the bottle, I have a list of six suspects. (Warrick takes out the notebook paper from his pocket and reads the list of names to Brass.) Warrick: Silvio Peters, Joe Cohen ... Brass: Wait a minute. Silvio Peters? He's a judge. He's on the list? Warrick: Yeah. Daniel Reichmann, Vic Patterson, Todd Piccone, Parker Smythe. Brass: They're all in AFIS? Warrick: Yeah. I mean, you can be in AFIS for a lot of reasons. After 9-11, anyone who works in a government building. Brass: Right. I mean, doctors, lawyers, right. Warrick: Or anyone who has a permit to carry a concealed weapon. (Brass looks at Warrick just as Warrick gets an idea.) Warrick: You know what? (Warrick sits down in the nearest chair. He puts the phone on the table on speaker phone and dials.) (The phone rings.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. (LAS VEGAS) CSI - LAB - NIGHT] (Nick is looking through a scope when his phone rings. He answers it.) Nick: Hello! Warrick: Hey, Nicky. Where are you? Are you near a computer? Can you do me a favor? Nick: Yeah, sure. How's the conference going? Warrick: Uh, it's intense. I have a list of suspects, all in AFIS. I want to know if any of them have a permit to carry concealed. Nick: Okay, shoot. Warrick: Silvio Peters, Parker Smythe, Daniel Reichmann, (Nick types in the names.) Nick: Mm-hmm. Warrick: Todd Piccone, and Vic Patterson. (The results read all NEGATIVE except for Vic Patterson who is AFFIRMATIVE.) Nick: Vic Patterson does. Are we talking about "The Eagle"? From that TV show? Warrick: Yeah. What kind of gun? Nick: A .45, same kind he uses in all his cheeseball shoot-outs. Warrick: Can you give me anything else? Nick: Yeah, I can run the serial number through Automated Firearms Service, give you the history. (Nick types in the serial number: T8341.) (The results read: AUTOMATED FIREARMS SYSTEM COLT .45 CURRENT Owner: VIC PATTERSON PREVIOUS Owner: BEVERLY HILLS GUN CLUB SOLD SEPT. 28 1983 TO VIC PATTERSON ) Nick: Colt sold it to the Beverly Hills Gun Club, who, in turn, sold it to "The Eagle" on September 28, 1983. (Quick flashes of: The BHGC sticker on the broken BMW windshield. Vic Patterson's tie clip.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Brass: If he shops there, maybe he shoots there. (Warrick nods in agreement.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY SKYLINE (STOCK) -- MORNING] [INT. BEVERLY HILLS GUN CLUB -- DAY] (Brass and Warrick step up to the main desk. Brass shows the man his badge.) Brass: You know, I'm just in town for a couple of days. It's always been a dream of mine to shoot at the famous Beverly Hills Gun Club. I wonder if I could get a day pass? Gun Club Man: For Las Vegas's finest? Sure thing. (Warrick walks over to the gun display.) Brass: Look, um ... tell me something. You know, is it, is it true that, uh, you know, the actor Vic Patterson shoots here? Gun Club Man: Not really supposed to give out member info. But between you and me? The man is a damn fine shot. Brass: No kidding. Gun Club Man: Matter of fact, he won several of our competitions. Brass: Wow. Gun Club Man: You want to rent or shoot your own? Brass: Um ... I'll shoot what Vic shoots. Gun Club Man: (to Warrick) You shooting, too? Warrick: Nah, I'm just going to hang back. Let him blow off some steam. (Brass gives Warrick a look.) (The Gun Club man notices that Warrick is looking at Vic Patterson's award, gun and bullets.) Gun Club Man: Ain't that something? Warrick: Yeah, it's something. Gun Club Man: Right this way. (Camera lingers on the bullets in the award display. The plaque under it reads: VIC "THE EAGEL" PATTERSON 1ST PLACE - 45 CAL SHOOTOUT AUGUST 26, 2003 ) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Nick is on the phone and looking at the bullet.) Nick: (to phone) Hey, Jim. I just got your bullet. I'm running it through IBIS right now. Not gonna ask how you got it. (Nick sets the bullet up and runs it through the database.) Nick: (to phone) So, did you meet him? INTERCUT WITH: [INT. MOTEL - DAY] Brass: (to phone) Yeah. Nick: (to phone) Ha-ha. Yeah. Did you get his autograph for me? Brass: (to phone) You know, actually I did, and if you get me a match, you might be able to meet him at his trial. Nick: (to phone) Do you think that would make his autograph worth more? Or less? (The computer beeps. The results read: CASE REPORT: .45 CALIBER SLUG LOGGED: OFF. MATT GLAZER LAPD, SERVICE: 1/5/1998 EVIDENCE RETRIEVED: 4/23/05 BMW 325: WHITE CONV. HOMICIDE INVESTIGATION PEND. CASE# 192801_218 VEHICLE REMOVED FROM GAS TANK, DRIVER'S SIDE. PL 220.03 SUB00 IDENTIFICATION MARKS ENTERED INTO IBIS BY: OFF P. LEBLANC LAPD 28719.1 Nick: (to phone) We got a match. Entered by Matt Glazer, LAPD. Recovered from a BMW gas tank. Open investigation, homicide-related. Brass: (to phone) Great, great. Thanks for all your help. Thank you. Nick: (from phone) Sure. (Warrick knocks and enters the room. Brass hangs up. Warrick sits down on the bed.) Warrick: Was that Nick? Brass: Yeah. IBIS confirmed the match. We're good to go. So, where you been? Warrick: In Hollywood, thinking. You know, even if Vic Patterson did shoot up the car with his gun, that doesn't mean he killed Dakota. Just means he helped clean up. Brass: She wasn't shot. She was beaten. Warrick: Yeah. We need a murder weapon to nail his ass. I got these photos at a Hollywood memorabilia shop for ten bucks. (Warrick hands Brass some photos.) Warrick: Who do you see? (The top-most photo is of Vic Patterson posing with his gun.) Brass: A jackass. Warrick: Look closer. Look at the pistol grip ... and The Eagle. You know, these autopsy photos I saw all got me thinking. This one. Look at the pattern contusions. (Warrick picks out a particular photo and shows it to Brass. The bruising pattern on the victim matches the raised eagle logo on the gun.) Brass: The gun is the murder weapon. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Dakota struggles against Vic Patterson. She's screaming.) Dakota: Stop it! Stop it! (He hits her with the handle of the gun.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Warrick nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BAR - NIGHT] (Brass and Annie Kramer talk.) Annie Cramer: About six months ago, this strung-out hooker comes into the PD, beat to crap, screaming that Vic Patterson had done it, and her wounds looked a lot like this. I figured it was her pimp, she was sniffing around for a settlement. Sent her home with an ice pack. Brass: Oh. I'm sorry. I knew you thought this guy was a winner. Annie Cramer: I worked my whole life to sit at the table with the big boys ... only to find out that the food is poisoned. Brass: You know, the only record of this investigation is in that envelope, and half the evidence collection won't stand up in court, so it's your call. (She's thinking.) How many years you got on? Annie Cramer: Eight back in Jersey, fifteen here. Brass: Well, that's 23 combined. That's a lot of innings. I mean, the worse they can do is make you retire. Annie Cramer: What am I gonna do then? Knit? This is it, Jimmy. This is all I got. Brass: Well, if it's all you got, then you got to do it right. Remember Mike O'Toole? From Vice? Annie Cramer: Of course I do. Broke my heart when I found out he was dirty. Brass: Yeah, he was a heartbreaker. Broke up my marriage. Annie Cramer: I thought I did that. Brass: Well, Nancy used our affair because she was looking for a way out, but for me ... I mean, I guess I'm old-fashioned. You know, a bad marriage is better than no marriage ... I thought. Annie Cramer: And you thought a kid would help? Brass: You see, that's the thing. I didn't have a kid. (Annie turns and looks at Brass. She puts the palm of her hand on his cheek.) Annie Cramer: (gently) Yeah, you did. I don't see Mike O'Toole out here helping her. Brass: Well ... I spent a good chunk of my life looking the other way. I mean, so much so that my neck got tired. So I, you know, I got a divorce. I, uh ... turned Mike and his crew in. Started over in Vegas. Ellie. She's like the unfinished business of all that. Annie Cramer: So it's my neck now. (Brass remains silent as he picks up his drink.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE ELLIE'S APARTMENT - DAY] (Brass walks down the hallway. He comes to apartment 2-F and stops. He takes a deep breath and exhales. Brass puts the small pink bear gift on the floor in front of the door. He looks at the card in his hand for DREAM HARBOR, REHABILITATION FACILITY.) (He flips the card over. On the back is a hand-written note: Ellie - When you're ready, I'll make it happen. {heart} Dad (Brass tucks the card in the cellophane. He stands up, looks at the door, then walks away back down the hallway.) (Camera holds, then ...
doc_274	EXT, SEA, NIGHT A group of four pirates row the long boat back to their ship through still waters through dense fog. The ship is still as there is not enough wind to fill the sails though a small breeze blows the array of charms hanging like chimes. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT The pirates climb aboard and are greeted by another. PIRATE 1: What's wrong? PIRATE 2: Man wounded. Stunned, PIRATE 1 looks at the wounded man even as he points to the aft of the ship. PIRATE 1: Wake him. PIRATE 2 leaves. INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN, NIGHT We see gold and jewels spilling over chests. The pirates are there, waiting on the CAPTAIN'S decision. PIRATE 1: He slipped in the bilge water, Cap'n, and fell on to the rigger. His hand... I don't know if he'll survive. The CAPTAIN turns around and looks at the WOUNDED MAN'S hand. There is a small scratch on his finger. CAPTAIN: You're a dead man, McGrath. The CAPTAIN turns over McGRATH'S hand to reveal a black spot on his palm. CAPTAIN: Same as all the others. A hypnotic woman's voice can be heard singing. CAPTAIN: She's here. PIRATE 1: Oh, save our souls. McGRATH: I've got to escape! (runs from the cabin) PIRATE 1: Don't go out there! McGrath! Don't listen for God's sake. The siren is a-calling. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT McGRATH runs onto the deck, tripping on coiled rope. INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN, NIGHT The CAPTAIN locks the cabin door. He then takes a pendant from his neck and wraps the leather strap around the door handles. On one side of the pendant is a carved relief of a mermaid. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT McGRATH holds his knife in one hand, ready to strike. He uses his other hand to try and block out the singing. INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN, NIGHT The others hear his scream as the pendant slowly swings at the lock. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT The other pirates come out on deck. There is no sign of McGrath, only his pistol. CAPTAIN: (picks up pistol) Same as all the others. No sign of a struggle. No bones or blood. PIRATE 1: We're shark bait, every single one of us. Stuck on the ocean, waiting until the wind changes. There is a banging from one of the hatches. CAPTAIN: What's that? PIRATE 1: The creature, it's returned. The pirates approach cautiously, the CAPTAIN aims the pistol. The hatch bursts open to reveal the DOCTOR, RORY and AMY. DOCTOR: Yo ho ho! Or does nobody actually say that? [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith Karen Gillan Arthur Darvil "The Curse of the Black Spot" by Steve Thompson Producer Marcus Wilson Director Jeremy Webb [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHIP, HOLD, NIGHT The TARDIS rests among the storage. INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN, NIGHT The CAPTAIN is questioning the presence of strangers on his ship. CAPTAIN: We made no signal. DOCTOR: Our sensors picked you up. Ship in distress. CAPTAIN: Sensors? DOCTOR: Yes. OK. Problem word. Seventeenth century. My ship automatically, er..noticed-ish... that your ship was having some bother. CAPTAIN: That big blue crate!? The DOCTOR snaps his fingers. PIRATE 1: Tis more magic, Captain Avery. They're spirits. How else would they have found their way below decks? DOCTOR: Well, I want to say multidimensional engineering, but since you had a problem with sensors I won't go there. Look, I'm the Doctor, this is Amy, Rory. We're pirates, same as you. Arghhhhh! The DOCTOR turns to look at the pirates behind them and when he turns around, AVERY has a pistol aimed at his head. DOCTOR: Except for the gun thing. And the beardiness. AVERY: You're stowaways! Only explanation. Eight days, we've been stranded here. Becalmed. You must have stowed away before we sailed. PIRATE 1: What do we do with 'em? AVERY: Oh, I think they deserve our hospitality. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT The DOCTOR is standing at the edge of a plank jutting over the side of the ship. The pirates laugh. DOCTOR: I suppose that laughing like that is in the job description. "Can you do the laugh?" Check. Grab yourself a parrot. Welcome aboard. AVERY: Stocks are low. Only one barrel of water remains. We don't need three more empty bellies to fill. Take the doxy below to the galley. Set her to work. She won't need much feeding. One of the pirates "escorts" AMY to the stairs that lead below-decks. AMY: Rory, a little help? RORY is being restrained by another pirate. RORY: Hey, listen right. She's not a doxy. AMY: I didn't mean just tell him off. Thanks anyway. The pirate forces her below. AVERY: If you're lucky you'll drown before the sharks can take a bite. DOCTOR: If this is just because I'm a captain too, you shouldn't feel threatened. Your ship is much bigger than mine. And I don't have the cool boots. Or a hat, even. AVERY: (aims pistol) Time to go. DOCTOR: A Bit more laughter, guys? (motions with hand) INT. SHIP, BELOW-DECKS, NIGHT AMY opens a chest and finds it filled with swords. She takes one out and as she's testing the feel of it in her hand, she sees a long coat and a tricorne hanging on a peg. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT DOCTOR: Where are the rest of the crew? This is a big ship. Big for five of you. I s'pose the rest of them are hiding some place (holds his nose) and they're going to jump out and shout "boo". AMY: Boo! The men turn around to see AMY wearing the coat and hat, sword pointed at AVERY's throat. AMY: Throw the gun down. AVERY drops the gun to the deck and AMY kicks it away. AMY: The rest of you, on your knees. DOCTOR: Amy? What are you doing? AMY: Saving your life. OK with that, are you? AVERY: Put down the sword. A sword could kill us all, girl. AMY: Yep, thanks. That is actually why I'm pointing it at you. One of the pirates comes at AMY with a wooden handle, surprising her and forcing her back from AVERY. When the DOCTOR tries to intercede, AVERY pushes him back into the rigging. When AMY advances on the pirates with the sword, they back away, gasping in fear. AMY shows off a little, swishing the sword through the air. The pirates take advantage and push forward again. AMY fights them off. One advances on her with a rope, backing her into a corner. AMY swings through the air on a piece of rigging, swing her sword. She cuts one of them as she passes before landing on a barrel. PIRATE 3: You have killed me. AMY: No way. It's just a cut. A black spot appears on PIRATE 3's hand. AMY: What kind of rubbish pirates are you? AVERY: One drop, that's all it takes. One drop of blood and she will rise out of the ocean. AMY: Come on. I barely even scratched him. What are you all in such a huff about? One of the pirates approaches her and she swings out on the rope. He stops her and the sword flies from her hand. RORY tries to catch it, but cuts his hand. A black spot appears on his palm. RORY: Doctor? What's happening to me? AVERY: She can smell the blood on your skin. She's marked you for death. RORY: She? AVERY: A demon, out there in the ocean. DOCTOR: OK. Groovy. So not just pirates today. We've managed to bagsy a ship where there's a demon popping in. (looks at RORY'S hand) Very efficient. I mean if something's going to kill you, it's nice that it drops you a note to remind you. The SIREN'S song starts again. PIRATE 1: Quickly now. Block out the sound. The others put their hands over their ears. RORY: What? AVERY: The creature. She charms all her victims with that song. RORY: Oh, great, so put my fingers in my ears. That's your plan? Doctor, come on let's go lets get back to the...back to the... (starts acting dopey and giggles) PIRATE 1: The music. It's working on him. Look. RORY: (to AMY) You are so beautiful. AMY: What? RORY: I love your get up. That's great. You should dress as a pirate more often. Cuddle me, shipmate. AMY: Rory, stop. RORY: Everything is totally brilliant isn't it? Look at these brilliant pirates. Look at their brilliant beards. I'd like a beard. I'm going to grow a beard. AMY: You're not. AVERY: The music turns them into fools. RORY and the other wounded pirate continue to act like they're drunk or high. AMY: Oh, my God. Off the starboard side of the ship, a section of the water glows green. Everyone watches and soon a woman rises from the water. She, too, glows green. RORY'S jaw drops at the sight of her. AMY grabs his arm and holds him back as the SIREN floats down to the deck. PIRATE 3 walks towards her and the others half-heartedly grab for him as they, too, are entranced. The SIREN has her arm outstretched and PIRATE 3 reaches for her hand. Still held back by AMY, RORY reaches for her. As soon as PIRATE 3's hand touches the SIREN, his body is dispersed. RORY breaks free of AMY. RORY: I have to touch her. Let me touch her. AMY pushes her way past RORY and faces the SIREN. AMY: Sorry, but he is spoken for. The SIREN hisses and turns red. She sends AMY flying backwards to land on the deck. DOCTOR: (goes to AMY) Amy! Everybody into the hold. The pirates head to the hold. RORY stands there, still entranced. DOCTOR: Rory! The DOCTOR makes sure AMY is safe before grabbing RORY. RORY: Hey! INT. SHIP, HOLD, NIGHT They make their way down into the hold, splashing through the gathered water. AMY: What is that thing? AVERY: The legend. The siren. Many a merchant ship, laden with treasure has fallen prey to her. She's been hunting us ever since we were becalmed. Picking off the injured. PIRATE 1: Like a shark. A shark can smell blood. DOCTOR: OK. Just like a shark. In a dress. And singing. And green. A green singing shark in an evening gown. AVERY: The ship is cursed. DOCTOR: Yeah right. 'Cursed' is big with humans. Means bad things are happening but you can't be bothered to find an explanation. RORY: She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. AMY: Actually I think you'll find she isn't. We have to leave. Right now. AVERY: That thing of yours really is a ship? DOCTOR: Well, it's not propelled by the wind. AVERY: Show me. Weigh anchor. Make it sail! (pulls gun) DOCTOR: And the gun's back. You're big on the gun thing aren't you? Freud would say you're compensating. Have you ever met Freud? No? Comfy sofa. PIRATE 4: Leave the cursed one, Captain. The creature can have him. RORY: Yes, please. AVERY: We don't want the siren coming after us. The pirates cry out and one lifts his leg from the water. There's something on it. AMY: It's a leech! DOCTOR: Everyone out of the water! Everyone climbs out of the water onto the crates. PIRATE 4 pulls the leech from his leg. PIRATE 4: It's bitten me, I'm bleeding. (the spot appears) DOCTOR: She wants blood. Why does she want blood? AMY: What were you saying about leaving the cursed ones behind? DOCTOR: It's OK. We're safe down here. No 'curse' is getting through three solid inches of timber. The SIREN appears behind the DOCTOR and begins to sing. DOCTOR: Ah. Hello again. AMY holds back RORY but PIRATE 4 walks forward. AVERY & DOCTOR: No! No! No! PIRATE 4 touches the SIREN'S hand and disappears. His hat falls to the floor. Everyone rushes from the hold, the DOCTOR pushing RORY, PIRATE 4's hat in hand. INT. SHIP, BELOW-DECKS, NIGHT The DOCTOR bolts the door behind him. AMY: Safe? DOCTOR: I have my good days and my bad days. AVERY: How did she get in? DOCTOR: (uses sonic on hat) The bilge water - she's using water like a portal, a door. She can materialise through a single drop. We need to go somewhere with no water. AMY: Well, thank God we're not in the middle of the ocean. The DOCTOR puts on the hat. RORY: Did you see her eyes? Like crystal pools. AMY: You are in enough trouble. AVERY: The magazine! AMY: What? DOCTOR: He means the armoury where the powder's stored. AVERY: It's dry as a bone. DOCTOR: Good let's go, there. AVERY: (pulls gun) I give the orders. DOCTOR: Ah. Worried because I'm wearing a hat now?! (heads for the magazine) Nobody touch anything sharp! AMY: Come on Rory. (pulls him by the arm) In another section below-deck, PIRATE 1 takes out a ring of keys to open a locked door. AVERY: Quickly, man. PIRATE 1: The key, 'tis gone, Cap'n. AVERY: How can it have gone? DOCTOR: (pushes the door open) Someone else had the same idea. INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT They enter the room cautiously. The room is empty. AVERY: Barricade the door. Careful of that lantern! Every barrel is full of powder. DOCTOR: Who's been sleeping in my gun room? AVERY hears a muffled coughing and removes the lid of one of the barrels. He reaches a hand in a pulls out a young boy. AVERY: You fool. You fool, boy. What are you doing here? PIRATE 1: Who is he? DOCTOR: What, he's not one of the crew? AVERY: No. He's my son. A few moments later, the BOY is sitting on a bench, AVERY next to him. Everyone else stands and looks on. AVERY: What in God's name possessed you, boy? Your mother will be searching for you. (the BOY looks down) When? BOY: Last winter. Fever. She told me all about you. How you were a Captain in the Navy. An honourable man, she said. How I would be proud to know you. (coughs) I've come to join your crew. AVERY: I don't want you here. BOY: You can't send me back. It's too late. We're a hundred miles from home. AVERY: It's dangerous here. There's a monster aboard. She leaves a mark on men's skin. BOY: The black spot? The BOY shows the palm of his hand. There's a black spot. AVERY grabs his son's hand. The BOY coughs. A little later, AMY, the DOCTOR and RORY are sitting while the pirates stand. RORY rubs the spot on his palm. AVERY: There's nothing wrong with the boy. He has no scars. DOCTOR: Yep. Ignore my last theory. AMY: He has his good days and his bad days. DOCTOR: It's not just blood. She's coming for all the sick and wounded. Like a hunter chooses the weakest animal. AMY: OK, look He's got a fever. DOCTOR: The siren knows it. Humans. second-rate. Damage too easily. It's only a matter of time before everyone gets bruised. My ship. it can sail us all away from here. You and me, we fetch it. Let's go. (stands) AVERY: (pulls out pistol) You're not the Captain here, remember? The BOY opens one of the barrels to reveal water. The SIREN reaches through with her arms. The DOCTOR forces the lid back on. AVERY: The water's dangerous. That's how she gets through. One touch of her hand and you're a dead man! PIRATE 1: We're all cursed if we stay aboard! DOCTOR: It's not a curse. Curse means game over. Curse means we're helpless. We are not helpless! Captain, what's our next move? AVERY drapes the pendant around the BOY'S neck. AVERY: Wait with the boy. PIRATE 1: Captain we're all in danger here. AVERY: I said wait, and barricade the door after we've gone. AMY: Sure you want to go? DOCTOR: We have to get Rory and Toby away. She's out there now, licking her lips, boiling a saucepan, grating cheese. AMY: OK, well remember, if you get an itch, don't scratch too hard. DOCTOR: We've all got to go some time. AMY and RORY exchange a look, remembering what they saw in Utah. DOCTOR: There are worse ways than having your face snogged off by a dodgy mermaid. (pats RORY on the shoulder) INT. SHIP, BELOW-DECKS, NIGHT The DOCTOR and AVERY step out of the room and AVERY puts his gun away. AVERY: D'you want to draw lots for who's in charge, then? DOCTOR: Darkness. Demon. You can have first go. (pats AVERY on the chest) They make their way back to the hold. AVERY slips and nearly puts his hand down on an exposed nail. The DOCTOR grabs his hand just in time. DOCTOR: Nearly. Phew! INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR runs up to the console while AVERY stands just inside the door. AVERY: By all the... (walks slowly to the console) DOCTOR: Let me stop you there. Bigger on the inside. Don't mind, do you, if we just skip to the end of that moment? Oh, and sorry I lied by the way, when I said yours was bigger. Kitchen that way. Choice of bathrooms - there, there, there. INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT TOBY sits on the floor, coughing. AMY looks at him. RORY: What's wrong? AMY: The most beautiful thing you've ever seen. RORY: Oh, tell me I didn't really say that. AMY notices the two pirates removing the barrels blocking the door. AMY: What's going on? PIRATE 1: We're not staying here to mollycoddle the boy. The Captain's gone soft, it's time for us to leave. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR is typing on the console when AVERY starts pointing and touching controls. AVERY: What's this do? DOCTOR: (pointing) That does very very complicated. That does sophisticated, that does whoa, amazing, and that does whizz bang far too technical to explain! AVERY: Wheel? DOCTOR: Atom accelerator. AVERY: It steers the thing. DOCTOR: No...Sort of...Yes. AVERY: Wheel. Telescope. Astrolabe. Compass. A ship's a ship. Oh... INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT TOBY gets up. TOBY: He told you to wait, you dog. He's your Captain, a Naval Officer. You're honour-bound to do as he tells you. PIRATE 1: 'Honour-bound'? Do you know what kind of ship this is? Do you know what your father does? AMY puts her arms about TOBY'S shoulders. AMY: Don't listen to him, Toby. PIRATE 1: We sail under the black flag. The Jolly Roger. TOBY: Liar!(lunges) He's no wicked pirate! PIRATE 1: Oh, you think so? I've seen your father gun down a thousand innocent men. INT. TARDIS DOCTOR: This is how the professionals do it. The DOCTOR sets the TARDIS in motion. Its machinery groans and goes nowhere. DOCTOR: It's stuck. Not responding. AVERY: Becalmed? DOCTOR: Mm-hm. Apparently. That's new. You had to gloat, didn't you? AVERY: I'm not gloating. DOCTOR: I saw that look just now. Ha-ha his ship is rubbish. AVERY: True. INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT PIRATE 1: (to PIRATE 5) Get what treasure you can I'll meet you in the row boat. TOBY comes forward, a sword pointed at PIRATE 1. TOBY: You're going to remain at your post. PIRATE 1: I am not playing games with you boy, you put that down. TOBY: One more step and I'll use this, you blaggard. PIRATE 1: You don't know how to fight with a cutlass, boy. TOBY: Don't need to, do I? TOBY lunges forward and cuts PIRATE 1 on the hand. PIRATE 1: Ah! (breathes heavily) No... INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR checks the controls. DOCTOR: It can't get a lock on the plane. AVERY: The what? DOCTOR: The space we travel in. The... ocean. Sort of ocean but not water. The TARDIS can't see. It's sulking because it thinks the space doesn't exist. Without a plane to lock onto we're not going anywhere. AVERY: I'm confused. DOCTOR: It's a big club. We should get T-shirts. There is an explosion and rumblings. DOCTOR: What's happening? INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT PIRATE 1: (turns his palm over to reveal the spot) You little swabber! AMY: Congratulations. Made it to the menu. Probably shouldn't go out there now. PIRATE 1: (pulls pistol) You scurvy ape. RORY: Don't shoot! The powder will blow and kill us all. PIRATE 2 takes the key ring from PIRATE 1's belt. PIRATE 1: Mulligan, what are you doing? MULLIGAN leaves. AMY: No honour among pirates. PIRATE 1 lowers his gun and begins to pile the barrels back in front of the door. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR frantically works the controls. DOCTOR: OK. She's had her little sulk. Now she's heading for the full-on screaming tantrum. AVERY: Can you fix it? DOCTOR: The parametric engines are jammed. Orthogonal vector's gone. I'm almost out of ideas. AVERY: Almost? DOCTOR: Well, we could try stroking her and singing her a song. AVERY: Will that help? DOCTOR: Hard to say, never has before. The DOCTOR flips a switch in the hopes of regaining control but it doesn't work. The TARDIS rocks. DOCTOR: Argh! I've lost control of her, she's about to dematerialise we could end up anywhere! AVERY: That sounds bad. DOCTOR: Yes, it is! Out! Now! Abandon ship! ABANDON SHIP! The DOCTOR grabs AVERY and pushes him out the door as the console begins to explode, shooting sparks. INT. SHIP, BELOW-DECKS, NIGHT The DOCTOR and AVERY run out of the TARDIS and as far from her as possible in the cramped space. They turn around to see the TARDIS enveloped in a green light as it disappears. DOCTOR: OK, OK, OK. TARDIS runs off on its own. That's a bit of a new one. Bang goes our only hope of getting them out of here. AVERY: Not much of a Captain without a ship, are you? The DOCTOR and AVERY head back to the magazine and are stopped by MULLIGAN who holds two pistols on them. He also carries treasure, a crown around his arm. AVERY: Mulligan? What are you doing? This is mutiny. MULLIGAN: She doesn't want me. She only wants Toby and the scrawny looking fellow. (runs off) DOCTOR: He's got the last of the supplies. We should go after him. AVERY: Never mind the damned supplies. What about my treasure? AVERY and the DOCTOR follow MULLIGAN. MULLIGAN fires but they take cover. DOCTOR: Don't get injured. Don't get injured. INT. SHIP, STOREROOM, NIGHT They chase MULLIGAN back to the hold. He locks the door behind him. Using flint, he lights a fire in a small hand-held paddle. drops it when the flames burn his hand. AVERY: (through door) Come out of there you mutinous dog! MULLIGAN burns his hand and drops the paddle, leaving him in darkness. MULLIGAN: Ow! INT. SHIP, BELOW-DECKS, NIGHT As the DOCTOR is using the sonic on the lock, they hear the SIREN singing. The DOCTOR and AVERY begin checking each other for injury. The look to the door and see green light through the cracks. DOCTOR: She's inside. AVERY: She's come for Mulligan. MULLIGAN screams. The DOCTOR finally opens the door. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHIP, STOREROOM, NIGHT They enter the room and find it empty. The DOCTOR scans the room with the sonic. AVERY grabs the crown. AVERY: No water in here. How did she take him? You said she uses water like a door. That's how she enters a room. The DOCTOR looks at the highly-polished crown. DOCTOR: I was wrong. Please ignore all my theories up to this point. AVERY: What, again!? DOCTOR: We're all in danger. The water's not how she's getting in. When we were down in the hold, think what happened. You, me, Amy, Rory, leeches. AVERY: She sprang from the water. DOCTOR: Yes, only when it grew still! Still water. Nature's mirror. AVERY: So... You mean? DOCTOR: Yes. Not water... Reflection. INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT Sitting on the floor, TOBY takes the pendant from around his neck and begins to rub it. INT. SHIP, STOREROOM, NIGHT DOCTOR: The siren legend. The curse. AVERY: You said curses weren't real. DOCTOR: Folklore springs from truth. She attacks ships filled with treasure. Where else do you get a perfect reflection? AVERY: Polished metal. DOCTOR: Hmm. The DOCTOR puts the crown away in a bag as AVERY automatically reaches for the pendant. It's not there. AVERY: We must warn them. INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT TOBY is now using a cloth to polish the metal. INT. SHIP, BELOW-DECKS, NIGHT The DOCTOR and AVERY hurry back to the magazine. They reach the door. DOCTOR: Amy! INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT DOCTOR: (through door) Open the door! AVERY: (through door) Toby open the door! AMY and RORY remove the barrels. AVERY: (through door) Toby! DOCTOR: (through door) Open the door! AVERY: (through door) Toby! AMY and RORY open the door and the DOCTOR pushes his way through, grabs the pendant from TOBY and begins breathing heavily on it to fog the surface. AMY and RORY just stare at him. He gives a thumbs-up and AVERY relaxes. The DOCTOR then runs out the door. INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN, NIGHT Using the butt of a rifle, the DOCTOR begins to smash the small panes of glass that make up the aft window. DOCTOR: We've got to destroy every reflection. Gold, silver, glass. She could spring from any of them. (smashes mirror) Oh, yes, yes, I know I know. Very bad luck to break it. But look at it this way, there's a stroppy homicidal mermaid trying to kill all. AVERY: How much worse can things get? DOCTOR: Yep. (looks at treasure) Help me lug this lot out. AVERY: Where are we taking it? DOCTOR: The ocean. AVERY: No. No! This is the treasure of the Mogul of India. DOCTOR: Oh, good. For a moment there I thought it was yours. AVERY: Doctor, wait. Must we do this? DOCTOR: Any reflection, any mirror, and the siren will attack. We have to protect Rory and Toby. Go and get the crown from the storeroom. AVERY leaves and the DOCTOR begins to throw the treasure out the broken window. INT. SHIP, STOREROOM, NIGHT With a sigh, AVERY takes the crown and leaves. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT A slight breeze moves the dangling shells and charms and the full moon shines down as the SIREN sings. INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT RORY: Just wait? DOCTOR: Not my most dynamic plan, I realise. AMY: TARDIS? DOCTOR: It's been towed. AMY: What? DOCTOR: Sorry. We might be stuck here for a while. RORY: So you're saying that we should all just wait here below? AVERY: The sea is still calm, like a mirror. If you go out on deck she'll rise up and attack you. DOCTOR: It's OK. The calm won't last forever. When the wind picks up we'll all set sail. AVERY: Until it does, you have to hide down here. LATER... AMY and RORY are asleep on the floor. AVERY goes to sit beside TOBY. AVERY: I'm sorry about your mother. You miss her a lot. TOBY: Three years. No word from you. AVERY: Toby... TOBY: You promised her. You promised you'd come home. And she believed you would, right up until the day she died. What made you do it? What made you... turn pirate? AVERY: Get some sleep now. In her half-sleep state, AMY hears a WOMAN'S voice. WOMAN: It's fine. You're doing fine. Just stay calm. AMY opens her eyes and sees the same woman with the eye-patch that she saw at the orphanage. The panel slides shut. AMY sits up but the panel has disappeared. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT The DOCTOR is looking up at the stars when AVERY joins him. DOCTOR: It's not one star it's two. (points) The dog star. Sirius. Binary system. AVERY: I use it to navigate the ocean. DOCTOR: I've travelled far, like you. Space can be very lonely. The greatest adventure is having someone share it with you. AVERY: If we get out of this I'll take him back to England. He can't stay with me. I'm not the father he needs. DOCTOR: Who are you, Henry Avery? Respected naval officer, wife and child at home. How did you end up here, wandering the oceans with a band of rogues? AVERY: I've set my course now. Nothing I can do to alter it. DOCTOR: People stared at it for centuries and never knew. Things can suddenly change, when you're least expecting. (pats AVERY and leaves) INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN, NIGHT The DOCTOR is standing quietly in the middle of the room. AMY enters behind him. AMY: Doctor? DOCTOR: Sssh. AMY: What can you see? DOCTOR: Feels like something's out there, staring straight at me. There is a crash of thunder and the ship rocks. DOCTOR: Man the sails! (runs from the room) EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT It's raining hard. AVERY holds the rigging. AMY and RORY rush topside. AVERY: To the rigging, you dogs! Let go the sails. Avast ye! AMY and RORY head for the ropes holding the mainsail while AVERY works on the foresail. The DOCTOR is at the wheel. AVERY: Put the bunt into the slack of the clews. AMY: I swear he's making half this stuff up. RORY: What we really need is some sort of phrase book. AVERY: Toby! Find my coat. My compass is inside it, boy. (TOBY goes below) Heave ho you bilge rats. RORY: 'Rats' was all I could hear. TOBY comes back with AVERY'S coat and the crown rolls out along the deck. All they can do is watch. TOBY looks at his father, hurt by the proof that he's a pirate. The SIREN reaches through the reflection on the crown and shoots into the air above the ship. She sings and floats down to the deck, her hand reaching out for TOBY. AVERY: Don't let her take you! Enthralled, TOBY walks closer, his hand out. AVERY: No! TOBY touches the SIREN and disappears with a scream. AVERY: No! AMY holds back RORY as he tries to reach the SIREN. The DOCTOR sneaks behind her and throws the crown into the sea. The SIREN disappears. AVERY: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! DOCTOR: You couldn't give up the gold could you? That's why you turned pirate! Your commission, your wife, your son. Just how much is that treasure worth to you man? At that moment, the main yardarm swing around and knocks RORY into the churning water. AMY: Rory! Rory! (runs to the side) I can't see him. Doctor, I'm going in! DOCTOR: He's drowning. You go in after him you'll drown too. There's only one thing that can save him now. AMY: What are you talking about? DOCTOR: The siren. The siren, she wants him. We have to release her. (heads for the water barrel) AMY: Doctor, no. The DOCTOR removes the lid and releases the SIREN. DOCTOR: He's drowning. Go find him! The SIREN dives into the water. AMY: What did you do? DOCTOR: If he stays in there he'll die. AMY: She'll destroy him. DOCTOR: That thing isn't just some ravenous hunter! It's intelligent. We can reason with it. And maybe, just maybe, they're still alive somewhere. We have to follow. AVERY: Are you mad? DOCTOR: If we ever want to see them again, we have to let the siren take us. We'll prick our fingers. All agreed? (holds out a fist) Yeah? AVERY: Aye. AMY: Aye. DOCTOR: Aye! The DOCTOR pricks their fingers and the black spot appears. The SIREN appears and sings. They each reach out to her. There is a flash of light. INT. SPACESHIP, OBSERVATION, NIGHT They wake up on the floor. AMY: Where are we? DOCTOR: We haven't moved. We're in exactly the same place as before. They look out the window and see the pirate ship. AVERY: We're on a ghost ship. DOCTOR: No, it's real. Space ship trapped in a temporal rift. AMY: How can two ships be in the same place? DOCTOR: Not the same. Two planes, two worlds, two cars parked in the same space. There are lots of different universes nested inside each other. Now and again they collide and you can step from one to the other. AMY: OK, I think I understand. DOCTOR: Good. Cos it's not like that at all. But if that helps. AMY: Thanks. DOCTOR: All the reflections have suddenly become gateways. The DOCTOR picks up a piece of metal from the floor and throws it through the window. It passes through and lands on the deck DOCTOR: Ever look in a mirror and think you're seeing a whole other world? Well, this time it's not an illusion. They hear a low beeping and begin to explore. AMY: The signal. DOCTOR: Yes. AMY: The distress call. DOCTOR: Uh-huh. They climb the stairs that lead to the rest of the ship. AMY: There was a second ship here all the time. They hear the SIREN. DOCTOR: And the siren is on board. The DOCTOR unlocks the door and it slides open to reveal the desiccated body of pteradon-like alien. AVERY pulls out his gun but the DOCTOR pushes it away. DOCTOR: Dead. The DOCTOR walks past it followed by AMY and AVERY. INT. SPACESHIP, BRIDGE, NIGHT On the bridge, they see another alien still at the controls. The DOCTOR walks up to it. The view from the observation window was that of AVERY'S cabin. AMY: You were right, there was something staring at us the whole time. How long has this ship been marooned here? AVERY: Long enough for the Captain to have run out of grog. AMY: I don't understand. If this is the captain, then what's the siren? DOCTOR: Same as us. A stowaway. (uses the sonic to scan the body) AMY: She killed it? DOCTOR: (checks readings) Human bacteria. AMY: What? DOCTOR: A virus, from our planet. Airborne, travelling through the portal. (puts away sonic) That's what killed it. (leans on panel) Didn't get its jabs. (lifts his hand to show it covered in slime) Urghhh! Look. AMY: What is it? DOCTOR: Sneeze! Alien bogies. The DOCTOR shakes his hand, trying to get the slime off. He wipes it on AMY's coat as he walks past and out the room. INT. SPACESHIP, SICKBAY, NIGHT They enter the room and the DOCTOR immediately begins to scan with the sonic. Suspended from the ceiling are beds on which people are lying unconscious. They have breathing tubes attached to their throats. AVERY: McGrath! He's one of my men. AMY: He's still breathing. The DOCTOR finds what looks like rectangular "discs" holding information. AVERY: My entire crew is here. Toby! (runs to his son) AMY: Rory! (runs to her husband) DOCTOR: The TARDIS! (runs to the TARDIS and practically hugs it) AVERY: We have to get them out of here. DOCTOR: Wait! (scans) His fever's gone. (goes to RORY) AMY: He looks so well. DOCTOR: She's keeping him alive. His brain is still active but all its cellular activity is suspended. (turns over RORY'S palm to show the spot) It's not a curse. It's a tissue sample. (shows one of the "discs") Why get samples of people you are about to kill? AMY: Help me get him up. The DOCTOR reaches around to undo the tube. An alarm sounds and the SIREN sings. DOCTOR: She's coming. The three of them hide. The SIREN arrives and approaches RORY who is now awake. He tries to jerk away from her but calms down as she continues to sing. DOCTOR: Anaesthetic. AVERY: What? DOCTOR: The music. The song. So she anaesthetises people and then puts their bodies in stasis. The SIREN moves to TOBY, her hand resting just above him. AVERY steps out from hiding, gun out. DOCTOR: (whispers) Avery. (shouts) No! AVERY fires at the SIREN. She turns on him, red and angry. She hisses and advances on AVERY. The DOCTOR runs to another part of the room to drawn her attention. The DOCTOR sneezes and the SIREN stops advancing on AVERY and turns to the DOCTOR, fire between her hands. DOCTOR: Whoa. Fire! That's new. What does fire do? Burn? Yes. Destroy? What else? Sterilise! I sneezed. I've brought germs in. The DOCTOR pulls out a handkerchief and blows his nose then throws the cloth to the floor. The SIREN shoots flames at the handkerchief, destroying it. With the distraction, AMY goes to RORY. The SIREN moves slowly towards AMY. DOCTOR: Amy stop. Don't interfere. Don't touch him. Anaesthetic, tissue sample, screen, sterile working conditions. Ignore all my previous theories! AMY: Yeah, well we stopped paying attention a while back. DOCTOR: She's not a killer at all. She's a doctor! AMY steps back from RORY'S bed and the SIREN resumes her green glow. DOCTOR: This is an automated sick bay. It's teleporting everyone on board. The crew are dead and so the sick bay has had nothing to do. It's been looking after humanity whilst it's been idle. Look at her. A virtual doctor! Able to sterilise a whole room. AMY: Able to burn your face off. DOCTOR: She's just an interface. Seeped through the join between the planes. Broadcast in our world. Protean circuitry means she can change her form And become a human doctor for humans. Oh, sister you are good! AMY reaches for RORY again and the SIREN turns red and hisses until AMY backs away. AVERY stands by TOBY. AVERY: She won't let us take them. DOCTOR: She's keeping them alive but she doesn't know how to heal them. AMY: I'm his wife for God's sake! Why can't I touch him? DOCTOR: Tell her Amy. Show her your ring. (grabs AMY'S left hand) She may be virtual but she's intelligent. You can't do anything without her consent. Come on! Sophisticated girl like you, that must be somewhere in your core program. AMY: Look He's very ill! OK, I just want to look after him. Why won't you let me near my husband!? The SIREN holds out her left hand and a ring of light appears around it. DOCTOR: Consent form. Sign it. Put your hand in the light. Rory's sick. You have to take full responsibility. AMY puts her hand through the ring and the SIREN disappears. AMY and the DOCTOR rush to free RORY. AMY turns off the power and RORY jerks and gasps. DOCTOR: He can't breathe, turn it back on. AMY: (turns it back on) What do we do? I can't just leave him here. AVERY: He'll die if you take him out. AMY strokes RORY'S face. AMY: Rory? Wake up. RORY: Where am I? DOCTOR: You're in a hospital. If you leave you might die. AMY: But if you don't you'll have to stay forever. RORY: You're saying that if I don't get up now... AMY: You can never leave. DOCTOR: The siren will keep you safe. RORY: And if I come with you? DOCTOR: Drowning, on the point of death. RORY: I'm a nurse. AMY: What? RORY: I can teach you how to save me. AMY: Hold on. RORY: I was drowning. You just have to resuscitate me. AMY: Just? RORY: You've seen them do it loads of times in films. CPR. The kiss of life. AMY: Rory, this isn't a film, ok. What if I do it wrong? RORY: You won't. AMY: OK, what if you don't come back to life? What if...? RORY: I trust you. AMY: What about him? I mean why do I have to be the one? Why do I have to save you? RORY: Because I know you'll never give up. AMY nods. The DOCTOR walks over to AVERY. DOCTOR: We have to send this ship back into space. Imagine if the siren got ashore. She would have to process every injured human. AVERY: What about Toby? DOCTOR: I'm sorry. Typhoid fever. Once he returns it's only a matter of time. AVERY: What if I stay with him? Here. The siren will look after him. I can't go back to England. And what home does he have now, if not with me? DOCTOR: Do you think you can sail this thing? AVERY: Just point me to the atom accelerator. The DOCTOR smiles and pats AVERY on the back before going back to AMY and RORY. RORY: I know you can do this. Of course if you muck it up I am going to be really cross. And dead. AMY: I'll see you in a minute. AMY looks at the DOCTOR who nods and the two of them hurry to unhook RORY from the life support. He gasps for air. Together, the DOCTOR and AMY carry him to the TARDIS. INT. TARDIS They set RORY on the floor just inside the door and AMY starts CPR. DOCTOR: Come on, come on Rory. Not here. Not this way. Not today. AMY: He trusted me he trusted me to save him. DOCTOR: You still can. You can still do this. He believes in you. Come on, Amy. Come on! AMY presses harder on the compressions. AMY: Please, please, please wake up, wake up, wake up. AMY sobs and she and the DOCTOR sit back from RORY'S prone body. The DOCTOR reaches a comforting hand over to rest on her back. RORY starts to sputter and cough up water. The DOCTOR stands and looks down at the couple in amazement. RORY: Amy. Amy, you did it, you did it! (hugs her as she sobs) INT. SPACESHIP, BRIDGE, NIGHT AVERY and TOBY sit at the controls. TOBY still has the medical tube attached. Father and son smile at each other and the other five pirates walk in behind them. They head into space, steering by Sirius. INT. TARDIS AMY and RORY head up the stairs from the console. AMY: I thought I was an excellent pirate. RORY: I thought you were an excellent nurse. AMY: Easy tiger. (turns to look at the DOCTOR) Goodnight, Doctor. DOCTOR: Goodnight, Amelia. AMY: You only call me Amelia when you're worrying about me. DOCTOR: I always worry about you. AMY flashes on the DOCTOR's death. AMY: Mutual. DOCTOR: Go to bed, Pond. RORY: (whispers) You can't tell him. It's his future. They look at the DOCTOR as he fiddles with the monitor. AMY: I know. The couple goes upstairs. The DOCTOR looks at the monitor. The TARDIS is still confused over AMY'S pregnancy scan. DOCTOR: Oh, Amelia.
doc_275	•I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you really want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. DO NOT POST MY TRANSCRIPT ON YOUR SITE WITHOUT MY NAME ON IT! • I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] No teaser. Episode opens right where "Two To Go" left off. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Buffy lying on the floor of the Magic Box. She lifts her head, sits up and stares toward the door. BUFFY: Giles? Giles just stands there with a grim expression. Anya, on the floor in another part of the magic shop, also looks over as she stands up. ANYA: Giles? Giles still doesn't respond to either of them. WILLOW: (O.S.) Uh oh. Reveal Willow still lying on the floor where Giles's blast of magic threw her. WILLOW: (sarcastic) Daddy's home. I'm in wicked trouble now. Willow sits up and wipes her bloody nose with her hand, looks at the blood, wipes again. Her hair is still black and her face still covered with dark veins, although her eyes are normal. GILES: You have no idea. (Willow sitting up) You have to stop what you're doing. WILLOW: (fake smile) Uhh, sorry. Can't do that. (Giles walking closer) I'm not finished yet. Willow starts trying to get up, somewhat shaky. GILES: Neither am I. Stay down. Giles gestures at Willow with one hand and she falls back onto the floor, wincing. ANYA: (softly to Giles) How'd you do that? Giles ignores Anya, still completely focused on Willow. WILLOW: (small laugh) That's borrowed power. No way is it gonna be strong enough- GILES: I'm here to help you. WILLOW: (rolling eyes) Thanks, but I can kill a couple geeks all by myself. (Giles walking slowly closer) But, hey, if you'd like to watch ... I mean, that's what you Watchers are good at, right? Watching? Butting in on things that don't concern you? GILES: You concern me, Willow. Stay on this path and you'll wind up dead. BUFFY: Willow. Listen to him. I don't want to fight you anymore. WILLOW: I don't want to fight you either. (looking at Giles) I wanna fight him. Willow starts to get up again, not normally but with magic, rising up to her feet without apparent effort. GILES: Stay down. Giles makes his gesture again but Willow makes one of her own and blocks him. WILLOW: No. Giles looks a little alarmed. Buffy looks wary, moves over to stand beside Giles. WILLOW: Remember that little spat we had before you left? (shot of Anya watching nervously) When you were under the delusion that you were still relevant here? (walking closer) You called me a rank, arrogant amateur. Well buckle up, Rupert... Anya, Buffy, and Giles continue to watch Willow uneasily. Suddenly a magic light from nowhere begins to light up Willow's body, and her eyes go black again as a humming noise begins to rise in pitch and volume. WILLOW: (deep resonant voice) 'Cause I've turned pro. The humming/whirring noise continues as Willow begins a spell. WILLOW: Asmodea, bring forth-- GILES: (gesturing) Vincire! Green magic energy shoots from Giles's hand and forms a band around Willow's torso, pinning her arms against her body. It glows with a green light that makes Willow's skin appear green too. WILLOW: What? No! Get off! (struggling) Solvo, libero... Giles continues holding out his hand toward her. Suddenly Willow throws back her head and closes her eyes, apparently unconscious. Her body floats up into the air and hovers about a foot off the ground. The band of magic holding her changes to a more contained blue-grey color. Anya and Buffy watch warily. Buffy moves closer to Giles. Willow continues to float in midair. BUFFY: What did you do? GILES: Contained her and her powers within a binding field. It puts her in a kind of ... stasis for the time- Giles looks at Buffy for the first time, pauses. Buffy continues staring at Willow. GILES: You cut your hair. Buffy looks at him, gets teary and hugs him. Anya watches them hugging. She walks up behind them and fidgets for a moment. ANYA: I'm blonde. Giles and Buffy look at her, still with their arms around each other. ANYA: I, I colored my hair. (pauses) Again. I'm blonde. GILES: Yes, I noticed. Giles holds out one arm and Anya joins the hug. After a moment Giles disengages from Anya and Buffy, looks at Willow again. He walks over to Willow who is still floating in the air, unconscious, with her head hanging back. GILES: I'm very sorry about Tara. Giles looks sad, stands there for a moment, starts to walk away. WILLOW: This... Giles pauses, looks at her in surprise. Willow opens her eyes a little and cranes her neck toward him. WILLOW: ...won't hold me ... forever. Giles looks a bit alarmed. Buffy and Anya look grim. Cut to later. Buffy and Giles are in the workout room at the back of the magic shop. Buffy stands by the pommel horse while Giles is picking nervously at the practice dummy in a corner. GILES: I came as soon as I heard. BUFFY: The Council? GILES: The Council haven't a clue. About much of anything, really. (walking toward Buffy, leaning on the horse) No, there's an ... an extremely powerful coven in Devon. They sensed the rise of a dangerous magical force here in Sunnydale. A dark force, fueled by grief. BUFFY: Willow. GILES: I'd so hoped it wasn't her. (pauses) And then a seer in the coven told me about Tara. That's when the coven ... imbued me with their powers. BUFFY: And sent you here to bring Willow down. GILES: (looks at her) Buffy, what's happened here? BUFFY: (pacing) God. I don't even know where to start. GILES: Well, Willow's clearly been abusing the magicks. BUFFY: (nods) She has. She was ... and I barely even noticed. Giles, everything's just been so... (sighs) Xander left Anya at the altar, and Anya's a vengeance demon again... (Giles looking shocked) Dawn's a total klepto ... money's been so tight that I've been slinging burgers at the Doublemeat Palace ... (looks down at the floor) And I've been sleeping with Spike. Buffy pauses, looks up at Giles, looks as if she can't believe she just said that. Giles stares at her. She looks away again, embarrassed. Suddenly Giles starts laughing. He covers his mouth with his hand but can't stop. Buffy stares at him, pouty. GILES: (trying to calm down) Sorry. He bursts out laughing again. Buffy rolls her eyes, now just looks amused. Giles keeps laughing and slowly Buffy starts to laugh too. They both stand there laughing. Cut to the main Magic Box room. Anya is cleaning up some of the debris on the floor. She puts a bunch of stuff into a small basket and carries it toward the counter, past the still floating Willow. Willow's eyes open slightly and she watches Anya walk across the room. Her voice echoes between them although her mouth doesn't move. WILLOW: (telepathically) Anya... Anya turns around, looks at Willow nervously. ANYA: Willow. WILLOW: (telepathically) I need you, Anya. I need you to do something for me. Anya twists her hands together nervously, gathers her nerve and moves a little closer to Willow. ANYA: I know what you're trying to do. And I hate to burst your bubble, but that mind control mojo doesn't work on vengeance demons, so why don't you just- WILLOW: (telepathically) Stop talking and listen. ANYA: (nods) Okay. WILLOW: (telepathically)You need to free me. ANYA: (uncertain) No. Anya turns and starts walking toward the back. WILLOW: (telepathically) You don't want to call out to them. (Anya stops) You want to take away this binding spell. ANYA: (turns back toward Willow) I don't know how. WILLOW: (telepathically) I do. Do you want me to tell you? Anya hesitates, looking anxious. Cut back to the workout room. Buffy and Giles are still laughing helplessly. Buffy is leaning over the pommel horse. GILES: (laughing) Duct tape? BUFFY: (laughing) On their mouths. So the demon could eat them... GILES: Because they were figments. More laughing. BUFFY: All of it! You, Sunnydale ... And I was just some nutcase in L.A. GILES: (still laughing) Of course. Why didn't we see it before? Slowly they stop laughing, and look much calmer than before. Buffy holds her stomach. GILES Can you forgive me? BUFFY: For what? GILES: I should never have left. BUFFY: No. You were right to leave. We're just ... stupid. GILES: I know you're all stupid. (Buffy smiling) I should never have abandoned you. BUFFY: No. Giles, you were right about everything. It is time I was an adult. GILES: Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is ... ask for help when you need it. BUFFY: Now you tell me. They smile. Giles chuckles a little. BUFFY: (quietly) I guess ... I wasn't ready before. It took a long time for that feeling to go away ... the feeling that I wasn't really here. It was like ... when I clawed my way out of that grave, I left something behind. Part of me. I just... (pauses, looks Giles in the eye) I don't understand ... why I'm back. GILES: You have a calling. BUFFY: But it was my time, Giles. Someone would have taken my place. (Giles grimacing) So why? Giles looks away, pensive, not answering. BUFFY: Right. (sighs) What's gonna happen to Willow? Giles looks at her, straightens up. GILES: Well, the coven is working on a ... way to extract her powers without ... killing her. And, uh, should she survive, you ought to know, Buffy, that there's no guarantee she'll ... be as she was. (Buffy looking concerned) Willow has killed a human being. How will she be able to live with herself? WILLOW: (O.S.) I wouldn't worry about that. Giles and Buffy turn toward the doorway. We see Anya hovering in the doorway, apparently unconscious. Giles and Buffy stare in alarm. Willow moves out from behind Anya. Her eyes are black again. WILLOW: Willow doesn't live here anymore. Willow lets go of Anya and she falls to the floor. Zoom in on Buffy looking alarmed. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the same scene. Willow stands in the doorway over Anya's unconscious body. Buffy looks at Giles, then starts forward to attack Willow. Willow lifts her hand and sends a bolt of magic at Buffy, who flies back, crashes against the wall opposite, and falls to the ground. Giles watches this with alarm, then starts toward Willow himself. GILES: Vincire! Giles holds out a hand toward Willow, sending another binding spell toward her, but she waves her hand at it. WILLOW: Solutum. The binding field dissolves. Giles lowers his hand. Willow takes a few steps into the room. WILLOW: (small smile) Fool me once... On the wall behind Willow we see a variety of knives and throwing-weapons hanging in a case. They suddenly lift off the wall and hover in the air. GILES: Willow... WILLOW: (shaking a finger) Shame on you. The knives begin to fly toward Giles. He looks to his left and yells something. The practice dummy flies over in front of Giles, and all the knives slam into it. Willow makes an angry face and waves her hand. The dummy falls aside. Giles looks determined, makes a ball of magic in his hand and throws it at Willow. GILES: Excudo! Willow flies backward into the brick wall and through it into the main Magic Box room behind. She slams into a pillar that supports the upper loft, and falls to the floor in a shower of bricks, debris, etc. Cut to: exterior residential street, night. Dawn and Xander walk along, with Jonathan and Andrew behind them. DAWN: Where are we going? XANDER: I have no idea. DAWN: What? XANDER: I don't know, okay? I can't even run away well. And that's something I'm usually good at. DAWN: Maybe we should we go back and help. XANDER: Yeah, 'cause I've been such a big help already. Standing around like a monkey while Buffy gets shot. Tara's dead ... and Willow ... losing... DAWN: (annoyed) Well, feeling sorry for yourself isn't helping either, Xander, okay? Beat. Dawn has a calculating expression. DAWN: You know, if Spike were here, he'd go back and fight. XANDER: Sure, if he wasn't too busy trying to rape your sister. Dawn stops walking and stares. DAWN: What?! Xander pauses, then continues walking, shaking his head. XANDER: Forget it. DAWN: (following) I don't believe you. XANDER: Fine. DAWN: (uncertain) He wouldn't do that. XANDER: Is this blind spot like a genetic trait with the Summers women? The only useful thing Spike ever did was finally leave town. Cut to the cave in Africa. Weird screaming and screeching noises, sounds of punching. Something goes flying across the dark cave, hits the ground and rolls into a convenient patch of light. It's a bald demon head with big pointy ears. Pan up to reveal Spike who strolls in holding another demon head in one hand. He's bare-chested and bruised in many places. SPIKE: Well, that was a bloody doddle and piece o'piss. He staggers and goes to his knees wearily, but maintains his sarcastic tone. SPIKE: Got any more ruddy tests for me, you ponce? I'll take anything you can throw at me, if it'll get me what I need to take care of the Slayer. Give her what's coming to her. (sniffs angrily) So you just bring it on. Bring on the whole- He pauses, looks confused. Weird skittering noises. SPIKE: Bloody hell. We see Spike from the waist up as lots and lots of large black insects, maybe beetles, start crawling up his body. They swarm up his chest and neck and onto his face as he squeezes his eyes shut and grunts in distaste. Cut to: magic shop, main room. The pillar is lying on the floor and furniture, sparking occasionally with electricity. Pan slowly across the wreckage of the shop, which has taken quite a beating from all the fighting. Pan down to reveal a large wooden piece of furniture (bookcase?) lying on its side. Next to it is a pile of books, some of which are on fire. A pair of feet walk up next to the books. Pan up to reveal Willow. Still wearing all black (though her clothes are now dirty), still with the veiny face and the black hair. Her eyes are normal. There's a cut across her cheek. She smiles. WILLOW: That all you got, Jeeves? Reveal Giles standing in the doorway to the workout room. He looks very tired and bruised. His clothes are dirty also. WILLOW: 'Cause, I could stand to go another ten rounds. Whereas ... you can barely stand. GILES: (wearily) Your powers ... may be undeniably greater. But I can still hurt you if I have to. WILLOW: Boy, you just don't get it, do you? Nothing can hurt me now. She lifts a hand to indicate her bloody face. WILLOW: This? She waves her hand in front of her face and the cut heals. WILLOW: ...is nothing. It's all ... nothing. GILES: I see. If you lose someone you love ... the other people in your life who care about you... Buffy appears in the doorway behind Giles, watching. GILES: ...become meaningless. I wonder what Tara would say about that. WILLOW: (grimly) You can ask her yourself. Willow lifts her hand and sends a bolt of magic toward Giles. Buffy rushes forward, pushes Giles forward and out from under the loft. And just in time, as the latest magical blast destroys the loft's stability and the whole thing comes tumbling down. Buffy and Giles land in a heap on the floor, books and rubble raining down on them. Buffy lifts herself up on her elbows to look at Willow. WILLOW: You're always saving everyone. It's kinda pesky. Willow looks down at the burning stuff next to her. She bends down and picks up a ball of flame in her hand. Buffy stares. WILLOW: You probably even think you're buying escape time for Jonathan and the other one. Well, I got a little secret for ya. (Buffy looking upset) I can kill them from anywhere I want. (looking at the ball of flame) With this. Willow waves her other hand over the ball of flame and it begins to grow. WILLOW: It'll find them. It'll bury them. (Giles lifting his head painfully) Along with anyone helping those Dead Men Walking. Buffy gets painfully to her feet, staring at the ball of flame. BUFFY: Don't. WILLOW: (mockingly) Unless ... somebody, somehow ... can get there in time to save them. (pause) Huh. Oh, well. She throws the ball up into the air. It bursts through the ceiling, leaving a large hole. WILLOW: Fly, my pretty, fly. The ball of fire disappears through the hole. We can see stars above. WILLOW: (to Buffy, smiling) See what I did there? Buffy looks down at the injured Giles. GILES: Go. Buffy runs past Willow and toward the door. WILLOW: Good luck. Willow turns her attention back to Giles. WILLOW: Thought she'd never leave. (walking toward him) Now I finally have you all to myself. Cut to the street. Buffy runs out onto the sidewalk, looks up and sees the fireball flying away several dozen feet off the ground. She runs after it. Cut back to the magic shop. Willow paces back and forth. WILLOW: You're such a hypocrite. Waltzing in here with your borrowed magicks. So you can tell me what? Magic's bad? Behave? Be a good girl? (chuckles) Well, I ... I don't think you're in any position to be telling me what to do. Willow looks up. Pan up to reveal Giles pinned against the ceiling, groaning in pain. WILLOW: Do you? Willow gestures with one finger and Giles falls to the floor. He lands hard, on his stomach, and stays there making pained faces. He still has blood all over his face. WILLOW: (scornful) I used to think you had all the answers. That I had so much to learn from you. GILES: Willow... She gestures again. Giles flies up to the ceiling again, groaning as he slams into it. WILLOW: (looking up at him) You were jealous. Still are. Just couldn't bear that I was the one with power. That's why you ran away. GILES: Incurso! Green magic flies from Giles's mouth and hits Willow. WILLOW: That's why you- She stumbles backward from the magic blow, and Giles falls to the floor again. WILLOW: (panting) That ... was rude! Now I forgot what I was saying. GILES: (painfully) Perhaps you're not as strong ... as you think you are. Willow glares at Giles as he struggles to get up. GILES: You're expending way too much of your mystical energy to maintain your powers. At this rate you're going to ... burn out. And up. WILLOW: (annoyed) Blah blah blah. GILES: (on his knees) Willow, you ... you need to stop. WILLOW: What I need... Suddenly she moves forward with magic speed and is next to Giles, grabbing him. WILLOW: ...is a little pick-me-up. She puts her hand on Giles's chest and it glows with orange-red energy. Giles gasps in pain. Close shot on Willow's hand as she drains energy out of Giles. Suddenly she lets him go and staggers backward. Giles falls over on his back. WILLOW: Whoa. Head rush. She stumbles against the counter and slides down it to sit on the floor, her image blurring. She gasps and pants with pleasure. WILLOW: Wow. Whoa. Who's your supplier? This is ... wow. Shot of Giles lying there barely conscious. WILLOW: It's incredible. (panting) I mean, I am so juiced ... Giles, it's like ... no ... mortal person has ... ever had ... this much power. Ever. It's like I, I'm connected to everything ... I can feel ... it feels like ... I ... I can feel... She pauses and her smile begins to fade. WILLOW: ...everyone. Oh. Oh my God. All the emotion. All the pain. No, it, it's too much. It's just too much. GILES: (weakly) Willow ... It doesn't have to be ... like that. You ... you can stop it. Willow is bent over now with her hands on the floor as if in pain. WILLOW: (panting) Yeah. I, I can. I have to stop this. (getting up) I'll make it go away. GILES: Willow... WILLOW: Oh, you poor bastards! Magic begins to swirl around Willow and she lifts into the air. Lightning flashes around her body. WILLOW: Your suffering has to end. A cloud of magic like a tornado gathers around her and she disappears. GILES: No... Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on a close shot of a wall or door, and a foot kicking it. XANDER: (O.S.) Ow. (kicks again) Ow. Cut to wider shot. We're in a cemetery and Xander is kicking the door of a crypt, repeating "ow" with each kick. A few yards away Dawn stands watching. Pan past Dawn to discover Jonathan and Andrew at another crypt, using their swords in an attempt to pry the door open. JONATHAN: Ow! Son of a bitch! ANDREW: Buttwipe! JONATHAN: I wasn't talking to you. ANDREW: Oh. Reflex. XANDER: (still kicking) Man, they've really tightened security up here lately. One too many squatters from the Hellmouth. Andrew and Jonathan walk toward Xander. ANDREW: (sarcastic) Hide out in the cemetery. What a fantastic idea. XANDER: Yeah, I'm working on a whole "shut the hell up" pitch you might like too. DAWN: (noticing something above and behind them) Xander? XANDER: (to Andrew) I've had just about as much as I can stand baby-sitting a couple of social retards who don't appreciate- DAWN: Xander! XANDER: What? DAWN: What is that? Xander moves closer to her and looks up where she's looking. The Nerds look too. We see Willow's fireball flying toward them. BUFFY: (O.S.) Get out of there! In the distance we see Buffy running toward the others, leaping over headstones and such. BUFFY: Move! She leaps forward and grabs both Jonathan and Andrew, pulling them to the ground. The fireball hits the ground between them and all five are thrown to the ground. Xander hits his head on a tombstone. Dawn falls down but immediately starts trying to crawl toward Buffy. The earth shakes and Dawn staggers. BUFFY: Dawn! Dawn, hold on. Buffy gets up and tries to reach Dawn but suddenly a huge hole opens up in the ground, right underneath Dawn. Dawn screams as she falls into the hole. Buffy, trying to grab Dawn, also falls. They land on a dirt floor some twenty or thirty feet below. Dirt from the hole rains down on them. Buffy looks up, just in time to see one of the Geeks' swords falling at her. She rolls out of the way just in time. The sword lands with its point in the ground. Dawn stares fearfully. Buffy stands up. The second sword falls next to the first. Dawn continues looking frightened. Buffy brushes dirt off herself and looks around. They're in some sort of cave with uneven rock/dirt walls. Sections of coffins protrude from the walls in various places. They both look up at the hole above them. It doesn't look easily climbable. Cut to above. Andrew and Jonathan get up and walk to the edge of the hole, stare into it. It's dark and we can't really see Dawn and Buffy at the bottom. The Nerds look over at Xander, lying unconscious next to the headstone that he hit. Jonathan turns to Andrew. JONATHAN: Mexico, huh? Andrew looks at him. They turn and run off. Cut to the Magic Box. The door to the workout room opens and Anya comes out. As she walks through the opening, the door falls off its hinges. Anya jumps and gasps, startled. She walks slowly into the main room, looking around at the destruction. Suddenly she spots Giles. ANYA: Giles. She runs over and kneels next to Giles, who is lying on the floor with his eyes closed, unmoving. Anya shakes him slightly. ANYA: Giles! His eyes pop open, staring at the ceiling. Anya looks relieved. GILES: Anya. ANYA: (upset) I'm so sorry. Willow forced me to free her with her brain. Are you okay? GILES: I can see... ANYA: (uncertain) Oh. It's a ... miracle. GILES: Willow ... I can see her. She took the magic I had and ... now ... I know where she is. I can feel what ... Oh, God. ANYA: Giles ... you have to rest. GILES: Silly girl. I'm dying. ANYA: (alarmed) No you're not. GILES: It was ... It was the only way. I thought we ... there'd be a chance ... now ... I know where Willow is. She's going to finish it. ANYA: Finish what? GILES: The world. Anya stares at him. Cut to: shot of the sun rising through clouds. Cut to: shot of the hole in the ground in the cemetery, the morning sunshine lighting it. Cut to: close shot of hands clutching the tree roots that line the edges of the hole. We see Buffy standing on a coffin, attempting to climb up the side of the hole. Dawn stands below, watching anxiously. The roots in Buffy's hands give way and she falls back onto the top of the coffin with a yell. DAWN: Buffy! Buffy quickly scrambles off the coffin and brushes herself off, staring up at the hole. DAWN: Are you okay? BUFFY: We have to get out of here. (yells) Xander! DAWN: I think I saw him hit his head. BUFFY: (yells) Xander! No response. Far above, the girls can see sunny blue sky and palm trees. Buffy goes over to a wall and starts tugging on a wooden coffin that's sticking out of the wall. DAWN: This looks a little like Spike's place. You know, under his crypt. Buffy ignores this, continues tugging frantically. DAWN: What are you doing? BUFFY: If we can pull these out, we can use the coffins for height. (tugging) Maybe get out of here! Buffy looks around, picks up one of the swords and tries to use it to pry the coffin loose. DAWN: Maybe one of the tunnels Spike uses is around here. Uh, we could use it to get to his place. BUFFY: (digging) That's the last place on Earth we need to be. DAWN: (annoyed) Oh, but it was good enough for you to take me there after what he did to you. Buffy finally turns to look at her. BUFFY: What he... DAWN: Tried to do. Whatever. BUFFY: (realizing, annoyed) Xander. DAWN: So it's true? BUFFY: Dawn, you may not have noticed, we're in really big trouble here. This isn't- DAWN: Why did you not tell me? BUFFY: Because you didn't need to know. DAWN: Yes, I do. I need to know! I'm not a kid anymore. BUFFY: (angry) Dawn, I'm trying to protect you. DAWN: (angry) Well, you can't! Look around, Buffy. We're trapped in here! Willow's killing and people I love keep dying! And you cannot protect me from that. Beat. Buffy looks sad as she realizes Dawn is right. BUFFY: (whispers) Dawn... XANDER: (O.S.) Hello? Buffy and Dawn look up. BUFFY: (calls) Xander? We see Xander kneeling by the edge of the pit, looking down. XANDER: Buffy, you okay? Where's Dawn? Shot of the pit from Xander's POV. Dawn moves next to Buffy so he can see her. DAWN: Here. BUFFY: Are Jonathan and Andrew up there with you? Xander looks around. XANDER: No, they musta skedaddled when I was out. Weasels. Whoa! The edge of the pit, where Xander's hands were leaning, gives way. The earth and grass fall into the hole as Xander just barely manages to avoid falling in. BUFFY: Xander, you've gotta find some kind of rope or something and get us out of here. XANDER: (looking around) Right. Okay, I'll, uh, I'll take a look around. BUFFY: And hurry up before- Suddenly Anya appears in front of Buffy, in a shimmer of magic. ANYA: (looking around) Holy frijole! BUFFY: Anya! What are you doing here? Where's Giles? DAWN: Giles? ANYA: He's still at the magic shop. DAWN: Giles is back? (Buffy rolling her eyes) You didn't tell me that. BUFFY: (to Anya) Did he stop Willow? ANYA: No. And things just got a whole lot worse. Shot of Xander looking down. He can hear the conversation. BUFFY: How worse? ANYA: End of the world worse. Willow's going to destroy it. DAWN: (amazed) She can do that? ANYA: She can and she will when she gets to where she's going. BUFFY: Where's she going? ANYA: Big old Satanic temple. Kingman's Bluff? Dawn and Buffy frown. BUFFY: There's ... no temple on Kingman's Bluff. Cut to a wide stretch of ground (Kingman's Bluff). Aerial shot of the bluff. A huge steeple begins rising out of the ground, pushing through the earth and rising up at an angle. We see Willow standing a few yards away, holding out her hands toward it. Her eyes are black again. The steeple continues to rise. Various stone carvings (gargoyles, etc.) decorate its surface. There's a large carving of a snake-haired woman with her mouth open and a long snakelike tongue sticking out, another snake wrapped around her body. At the very top of the steeple there's a pentacle (five-pointed star with one point down) topped by a trident (three-pronged fork). Willow continues to hold out her arms as her magic lifts the steeple out of the ground. It protrudes from the earth at a slightly crooked angle. BUFFY: (O.S.) Proserpexa? Cut back to the pit. BUFFY: Who's she? ANYA: Uh, way up there in the hierarchy of she-demons. Her followers intended to use her effigy to destroy the world. They all died when the temple got swallowed up in the big earthquake of '32. BUFFY: So now seventy years later, Willow's going to make their dreams come true. ANYA: She's going to drain the planet's life force, and funnel its energy through Proserpexa's effigy and, and burn the Earth to a cinder. (Dawn looking at Buffy in alarm) BUFFY: Not if I can help it. ANYA: You can't. Buffy and Dawn stare at Anya. ANYA Something else Giles said. No magic or supernatural force can stop her. BUFFY: What does that mean? ANYA: Don't know. He, he said, "the Slayer can't stop her," and then he said a bunch of other stuff. (anxiously) He really wasn't too clear. BUFFY: Anya, what are you- ANYA: (nervous) I ... I should get back to him. He's alone. BUFFY: (worried) Is he okay? Anya fidgets nervously as Buffy and Dawn watch, anxious. ANYA: Don't think he ... has a lot of time left. (Dawn gasping) I'm sorry. Anya disappears, leaving Buffy and Dawn both looking solemn and worried. After a moment Buffy looks upward and yells harshly. BUFFY: Xander! Where is that rope?! DAWN: Buffy... BUFFY: Xander! (quieter) Where is he? DAWN: (upset) You heard what Anya said ... you hear what Giles said. BUFFY: I heard. (upset) And I don't care, I have to try... Buffy bends over and begins trying to move one of the coffins. Cut to the bluff. Willow stands opposite the temple. The carving of the woman is at ground level and life-size, facing Willow. WILLOW: From the pit of forgotten shadows... Cut back to the pit as Buffy and Dawn shove at a coffin. Willow's and Buffy's lines overlap: BUFFY: I'm not just gonna sit here while Willow incinerates what I'm chosen to protect. WILLOW: Awaken, sister of the dark, awaken- Cut back to the bluff. Willow pauses, looks to her right as if she can hear Buffy. BUFFY: I have to stop her. WILLOW: Always the Slayer... Cut back to the pit. Buffy pauses, hearing Willow's words. She straightens up, looking surprised. WILLOW: (O.S.) Right to the last. BUFFY: (uncertain) Willow? Fade from Buffy to Willow, who has turned away from the temple to face the direction of the cemetery. WILLOW: And it is the last, you know? For all your fighting ... thinking you're saving the world... Cut back to the pit. Buffy listens in amazement. DAWN: Buffy? Buffy puts up a hand to silence Dawn. WILLOW: And in the end ... I'm the only one that can save it. BUFFY: By killing us? WILLOW: It's the only way to stop the pain. Cut to the Magic Box. Giles is still lying on the floor with Anya kneeling by him. Giles frowns slightly, as he can hear the conversation too. WILLOW: (O.S.) I can't take it anymore. But I know you, Buffy. Cut alternately between the bluff and the pit for the next few lines. WILLOW: You're a warrior. You won't go out without a fight. I don't really have time for one. But you should go out fighting. BUFFY: Willow, what are you- WILLOW: It was me that took you out of the Earth. Well, now... Buffy listens with alarm. WILLOW: ...the Earth wants you back. The ground around Buffy and Dawn begins to rumble. Suddenly the walls themselves start to turn into monsters, earth-creatures made up of dirt and rock and vines, which detach themselves from the walls and move toward Buffy and Dawn. Close on the monsters' hands with a pair of large blades/claws on each hand. Buffy and Dawn look around, very scared. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] The cave. Buffy is fighting two earth-monsters at once, swinging the sword and kicking them. Another monster detaches from the cave walls. Dawn watches fearfully. DAWN: Buffy! Buffy swings the sword and one monster's claw-hand is sliced off, falls to the ground. Buffy turns around, kicks the third monster in the head. It slumps against the cave wall. Buffy stands next to Dawn, looking around. More monsters are detaching from the walls. BUFFY: They just keep coming. I can't take them all. Close on another monster's claw-hand coming out of the wall. Buffy turns to Dawn. BUFFY: Dawn. Will you help me? Dawn looks nervous, but determined. Buffy puts the sword into Dawn's hand. DAWN: I got your back. Buffy turns, picks up the other sword from the ground. Kicks one of the monsters back. Dawn sets her jaw and rushes forward into the fray. Cut to the bluff. Willow stands with her arms by her sides chanting. WILLOW: Proserpexa ... let the cleansing fires from the depths burn away the suffering souls and bring sweet death. Lightning crackles between Willow and the statue of Proserpexa. Close on Willow with her black eyes and hair, black veins on her face, lightning sizzling around her. The ground begins to shake and the wind gets even stronger. Bolts of green magic shoot from Willow's body toward the statue. Cut to the magic shop. Anya kneels next to Giles as the ground shakes here too. A light fixture falls from the ceiling and Anya ducks. Cut to the cave. Buffy and Dawn also feel the rumbling, as it makes them stagger backward. Buffy looks up nervous. BUFFY: Willow... Cut to the magic shop. The rumbling/shaking stops. Anya looks up, looks around nervously, then looks at Giles. His eyes are closed and he doesn't move. ANYA: Giles? Giles! Don't die. (tearfully) Not yet, there-there are things I wanna tell you. She pauses for a moment, as if collecting her thoughts. ANYA: Thanks a lot for coming. It was good of you to teleport all this way. Another tremor hits and Anya ducks again, hiding her face against Giles's chest until it subsides. ANYA: Though in retrospect, it probably would have been better if you hadn't come and given Willow all that magic that made her like ten times more powerful. (sadly) That would have been a plus. Cut back to the bluff. Green magic continues flowing from Willow toward the statue. Wind swirls around them, filled with dirt and debris, etc. Also, the ever-present lightning. The statue glows bright yellow-white. Suddenly the stream of magic is interrupted and the glowing subsides, as Xander appears in front of the statue. Willow looks surprised. XANDER: Hey, black-eyed girl. Whatcha doin'? WILLOW: Get out of here. XANDER: Ah, no. You're not the only one with powers, you know. You may be a hopped-up uber-witch, but ... this carpenter can dry-wall you into the next century. WILLOW: I'm not joking, Xander. Get out of my way. Now. Willow sends a bolt of magic at Xander. It lifts him off his feet and throws him to the ground at the base of the statue. Cut to: close-up on Giles's face, still bloody, still lying on the magic shop floor. His eyes pop open. GILES: (whispers) There... Pan up to reveal Anya looking at him in surprise. She has one hand under his head. ANYA: What? GILES: (whispers) It's not over. Giles gives a small smile, moves his hand to touch Anya's hand by his head. Cut to the cave. Buffy takes a hit from a monster. Dawn is fighting another, swinging her sword with great concentration. The monster hits Dawn's hand, making her drop the sword, and then slashes her upper arm with its claws. Dawn grabs her arm with her other hand, takes a hit to the face and goes down with a shriek. Buffy ducks underneath a monster's arm and swings her sword at another. It goes down. BUFFY: Dawn! I'm coming! Dawn looks up with a determined expression as her monster prepares to attack her again. Buffy is still being kept away by another monster, looks toward Dawn with alarm. Dawn ducks as the monster grabs for her, and does a somersault-roll past it, landing by her sword. She grabs the sword, gets up, and stabs the monster in the chest. Buffy watches with amazement. Dawn swings the sword again, slicing off the monster's head. It falls down dead. Buffy stares. DAWN: (holding up the sword, tiny smile) What? You think I never watched you? Buffy still looks amazed. There's a very brief moment of quiet. Then more monsters start to appear. Buffy and Dawn back up, and end up back-to-back facing the monsters, each holding her sword. They begin to fight. Cut to the bluff. Close on the statue. Lightning continues to flash around it. Wide shot of Willow with the lightning going. The green magic begins flowing from her again, toward the statue. Earth rumbling, winds swirling, etc. Xander sits up at the base of the temple, holding his ribs. He staggers to his feet and blocks the flow of magic again. The magic stops flowing. Willow glares at him. WILLOW: You can't stop this. XANDER: Yeah, I get that. It's just, where else am I gonna go? You've been my best friend my whole life. World gonna end ... where else would I want to be? WILLOW: (scornfully) Is this the master plan? You're going to stop me by telling me you love me? XANDER: Well, I was going to walk you off a cliff and hand you an anvil, but ... it seemed kinda cartoony. WILLOW: Still making jokes. XANDER: I'm not joking. I know you're in pain. I can't imagine the pain you're in. And I know you're about to do something apocalyptically (glancing back at the statue) evil and stupid, and hey. (spreading out his arms) I still want to hang. You're Willow. WILLOW: (angry) Don't call me that. XANDER: First day of kindergarten. You cried because you broke the yellow crayon, and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ending the world, not a terrific notion. But the thing is? Yeah. I love you. I loved crayon-breaky Willow and I love ... scary veiny Willow. So if I'm going out, it's here. If you wanna kill the world? Well, then start with me. I've earned that. WILLOW: (upset) You think I won't? XANDER: It doesn't matter. I'll still love you. WILLOW: (angry) Shut up. Willow gestures with her hand. No magic bolts of light, but Xander's head jerks to the side as if he's been hit. Three parallel cuts appear on his cheek, bloody as if scratched. He puts his hand up to them, looks at his fingers. Willow watches, panting and looking a bit nervous. Xander looks back up at her. XANDER: I love you. Willow makes another slashing gesture. Xander doubles over and falls to his knees. Panting, he gets up again, and we see that his shirt is ripped open over the heart, more scratches visible on his chest. He pants and grimaces from the pain but faces Willow again. XANDER: (panting) I ... love y- WILLOW: Shut up! Now she does throw a blast of magic at him, and he staggers backward but doesn't fall down. Willow still holds her hand out, a little bit of magic crackling around it but not as much as she had expected. She looks surprised and anxious. Xander moves slowly toward her. XANDER: I love you, Willow. WILLOW: Stop! She sends another magic blast, but it's weak and barely hurts Xander at all. He continues walking toward her. Willow continues holding out her hand and making the magic gesture, but nothing happens. She starts to get teary. XANDER: I love you. WILLOW: Stop. Willow starts to cry and, as Xander gets right up to her, she starts hitting him with her fists. Xander just stands there and takes it. After a moment she stops hitting and starts to cry for real. She falls to her knees and Xander kneels with her, puts his arms around her and holds her while she sobs. XANDER: I love you. As Willow continues to cry in Xander's arms, the veins fade away from her face and her hair returns to its usual red. Cut to the cave. The earth monsters suddenly stop moving and crumble into dirt that falls to the floor. DAWN: What happened? Buffy looks around, looks up toward the hole. The cave lightens as the sun begins to shine again. Cut back to the bluff. Xander still holding Willow as she cries. Cut to the magic shop. Anya sits on the stairs with her head in her hands. In foreground, Giles suddenly appears in the frame, pushing himself up onto his elbows. Anya looks up in surprise. ANYA: Giles! She gets up and rushes back over to him, kneels beside him. ANYA: You're not dead! GILES: No. Anya gives a little cry of happiness and hugs Giles hard. He winces, makes a pained face. GILES: However, I am still in some pain. ANYA: Oh... (lets him go) Well ... why aren't you dead? (frowns) Why aren't I dead? GILES: Uh, the threat's gone. Willow's been stopped. Giles tries to sit up and Anya helps him. ANYA: Oh. You mean she's- GILES: No, she's alive. It, uh ... the magic she took from me, it-it did what I hoped it would do. ANYA: Oh. (getting it) You dosed her. GILES: Yes. ANYA: You knew she'd going to take your powers all along. GILES: The gift I was given by the coven was the true essence of magic. Willow's magic came from a ... place of rage and power. ANYA: And vengeance. Don't forget vengeance. GILES: Oh. How could I? In any case, the magic she took from me tapped into ... the spark of humanity she had left. Helped her to feel again. Gave Xander the opportunity to ... reach her. ANYA: Xander? GILES: Yes. It was he who got to her in time. (smiling) He saved us all. Anya gazes at Giles, absorbing this, slowly starting to smile. Cut to the cave. Buffy walks forward slowly, looking around. Dawn follows. DAWN: I ... I think it's over, Buffy. (Buffy sitting down on a coffin) The world's still here. Dawn gives a deep sigh of relief, then looks over at Buffy again. Buffy bursts into tears, not looking at Dawn. Dawn scowls. DAWN: (sarcastic) Sorry to disappoint y- She pauses, looks at Buffy again. Buffy continues sobbing. DAWN: Wait, is ... is that happy crying? BUFFY: (sniffles) Yes, dummy. (looks at Dawn) You think I wanted the world to end? DAWN: I don't know. (uncertainly) Didn't you? Buffy stops crying, looks at Dawn in dismay. BUFFY: Dawn ... I'm so sorry. Buffy gets up and hugs Dawn, begins crying again. BUFFY: (crying) I'm sorry. Dawn hugs Buffy, rubs her back. DAWN: It's okay, Buffy. It's okay. BUFFY: No. It hasn't been. It hasn't been okay. Buffy pulls back to look Dawn in the face. BUFFY: But it's gonna be, though. I see it. DAWN: See what? BUFFY: You. Dawn looks touched. BUFFY: Things have really sucked lately, but it's all gonna change. And I wanna be there when it does. (starting to cry again) I want to see my friends happy again. And I want to see you grow up. The woman you're gonna become. Because she's gonna be beautiful. Now Dawn gets a little teary as well. BUFFY: And she's going to be powerful. Buffy turns around, back toward the coffin. BUFFY: I got it so wrong. I don't want to protect you from the world. I want to show it to you. She turns back to Dawn again. BUFFY: There's so much that I want to show you. They hug again, smiling. Cue slow music: "The Prayer of St. Francis" by Sarah McLachlan. Lord make me an instrument of your peace Cut to a close shot of the grassy edge of the pit. A hand appears, then another, and Buffy hauls herself up onto the grass, reaches back to pull Dawn up behind her. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon... Buffy and Dawn climb fully out of the pit and kneel on the ground panting. Dawn looks over at Buffy. Buffy looks around at the world, smiling. Where there is doubt, faith... Fade to the bluff. Xander still holding the crying Willow. Where there is despair, hope Where there is darkness, light And where there is sadness, joy... Fade to the Magic Box. Anya helps Giles up and puts his arm around her shoulders to support him. They duck under the fallen pillar and walk toward the front door. O divine master grant that I may... Cut to the front grille of a truck. ...not so much seek to be consoled as to console... Pan up to reveal the truck driver holding the wheel, glancing over at the passenger seat. He grins nastily. ...to be understood as to understand... Pan across to reveal Jonathan and Andrew, looking nervously at the truck driver, and then trying to squeeze even farther away from him than they already are, pressing against the door. ...to be loved as to love... Fade to the cemetery. Buffy walks forward, looking toward the rising sun, looking pleased. For it is in giving that we receive Dawn walks forward to stand beside Buffy. Fade to another part of the cemetery. Dawn and Buffy walk along, with their arms around each other. There's greenery and flowers and blooming trees all around. And it's in pardoning that we are pardoned And it's in dying that we are born... Fade to the cave in Africa. ...to eternal life... Pan across the darkness to reveal Spike lying on his back on the ground, motionless. Amen. The music fades and stops. A shadow moves across Spike's face DEMON VOICE: You have endured the required trials. SPIKE: Bloody right I have. Slowly, painfully, Spike rolls onto his side and pushes himself up onto his knees. His face is swollen and bruised, more bruising and injuries on his chest and arms. SPIKE: So you'll give me what I want. Make me what I was. So Buffy can get what she deserves. Close on the demon's glowing green eyes. DEMON: Very well. Spike watches the demon nervously. DEMON: We will return... The demon's hand reaches out toward Spike's chest. DEMON: ...your soul. The hand touches his chest and it glows fiery yellow-orange. Spike's eyes glow the same color. He throws back his head and screams. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon.
doc_276	[Press conference] (Alicia and Peter are walking in a hall and they are going into the press room. There are a lot of journalists.) Peter: Good morning. An hour ago, I resigned as State's Attorney of Cook Country. I did this with a heavy heart and a deep commitment to fight these scurrilous charges. I wanna be clear. I've never abused my office. I've never traded lighter senses for financial or sexual favors. At the same time, I need to atone for my personal failings with my wife, Alicia, and our two children. The money used in these transactions was mine and mine alone. No public funds were ever utilized. But I do admit to the failure of judgment in my private dealings with these women. Alicia and I ask the press, please respect our privacy. Give us time to hear. With the love of God, and the forgiveness of my family, I know I can rebuild their trust. I wanna thank the people of Chicago; it has been an honor to serve you. And I pray that one day, I may serve you again. Thank you. (Alicia and Peter leave) Journalists: Sir! Are you still involved with prostitutes, sir? How many were there, sir? Will you ever try to hold public office again? Sir! Answer the question! [In a hall] Press agent: We have interviews set up with the Tribune and Channel Four. Peter: Absolutely not! I'm not doing any more interviews. I want you to cancel all of them. That's it! Press agent: I'll tell Channel Two, we don't have a comment at the present time but we emphatically question the authenticity of this thing. (Press agents leave) Peter: Hey, you all right? (Alicia slaps Peter and then, leaves) Journalists: Mrs.Florrick, how long have you know your husband was having an affair? How are you going to protect your children? [6 months later; in an office] (Alicia is waiting and a girl passes in the hall) Alicia: Oh excuse me, isn't the staff meeting at 9.30? The girl: You're in the wrong conference room. It's up one floor. Alicia: Oh, God! (Alicia takes her stuff and runs to the other floor. She enters into a room) A voice (Will's voice): This is a major class action. A case that could propel us to the top rank of full service firms, and I don't think I need to remind you what that will do to your year-end bonuses. Anyway, Sheffrin-Marks fired their last firm because they took their eyes off the ball. So, until further notice, your personal lives have been cancelled. Another voice (Diane's): So, we'll need some of you to help with the lower profile client work to free up our top litigators. Will: Ed, you take the witness prep on highway redistribution. Don, you take the Brighton criminal and Alicia will take the pro bono. Everyone else, your task is to show Sheffrin-Marks our 'A' game, ok? Let's do this! (End of the meeting- Alicia and Will are in the hall and they're walking) Alicia: Will. Will: Alicia. Alicia: Hey. Will: I'm sorry I didn't introduce you in there. Everything is moving real fast with this class action. Alicia: Well, I just wanted to say thank you for the opportunity. It's a real life saver. Will: No, glad you could come aboard. Hope you're all right with this pro bono. How'd it sound? Alicia: Interesting. Will: Good. Don't be nervous. You worried about the gunshot residue? Alicia: No...oh, god! (phone rings) Will: Nice ring tone. Who gets that? Alicia: Oh, my mother-in-law. My daughter programmed it. Will: What's yours? Alicia: I don't wanna know! So, the gun residue. Will: Diane, you're briefing Alicia, right? Good. So you're in good hands. So, let's catch up, have dinner. (Diane arrives, Will leaves - Diane and Alicia walk in the halls) Diane: So, Will speaks highly of you. He says you graduated top of your class at Georgetown. When was this? Alicia: 15 years ago. Diane: Hum, hum...and you spent 2 years at? Alicia: Crozier, Abrams & Abbott. Diane: Good firm. Will says you clocked the highest billable hours there. Why did you leave? Alicia: Well, the kids and Peter's career. Diane: Hum...Brian, can you get Mrs. Florrick the files? Brian: Sure! Diane: I want you to think of me as a mentor, Alicia. It's the closest thing we have to an old boys' network in this town. [Diane's office] Diane: Women helping women, ok? Alicia: Ok. Diane: When I was starting out, I got one great piece of advice. Men can be lazy, women can't. And I think that goes double for you. Not only, you're coming back to the workplace fairly late, but you've some very prominent baggage. But, hey, she can do it, so can you! (Brian enters in the office) Diane: Thanks Brian! Like many law firms, we donate 5% of billable hours to pro bono. Sadly, I'm long past my quota on this one: Jennifer Lewis, 26 years old, taught second grade. Accused of killing her ex-husband. Prosecution thought it was a slam dunk 45 years, but the jury came back last week, deadlocked. 6 jurors voted to convict, 6 not; I'm not even sure why the State Attorney is re-trying except he wants...Justice! He wants to prove himself! So, stick with my strategy from the first trial. The police focused on Jennifer so early in the investigation, they never even looked for the carjacker. Deadlock a jury a second time, they'll never re-try a third, ok? Ok, our investigator can get you up to speed for the bail hearing at 3. Cormac, I'm ready! Alicia: The hearing's today? Diane: Well, we could delay, but that would leave Jennifer incarcerated for another month. Don't worry, you'll be fine! The ASA's not going to argue against a recognizance release. Let's go, meeting at 10.30. (Diane leaves and Alicia follows) [In the hall, Alicia hears the TV from Brian's office. It's the speech of Peter] Sound from the TV: But I do admit to a failure of judgment in my private dealings with these women. Brian: Sorry. Sound from the TV: ...mine and mine alone. No public funds were ever utilized. The recent news... (Alicia leaves) [In the hall of the offices] Cary: Hey, let me help. Alicia: No, I'm fine. Cary: I'm heading that way. I'm Cary, the other new associate. Alicia: Oh right, Alicia. Cary: Yeah, look, I know we should be hate each other's throats, but I just wanna say I really respect what you're doing here. Raising a family and then, jumping back into this. My mum, she's thinking of doing the same thing. Alicia: Great. Cary: Yeah. So, you're on the pro bono, right? Alicia: Humhum. Cary: Yeah, that's great! I interned last summer at the Innocence Project. My dad's best friend is Barry Scheck and it was just amazing: helping people. Here, they got me on the Sheffrin-Marks. I'm sure it will be challenging, but at the end of the day, what have you really done? Saved a corporation of few billion dollars? Alicia: You wanna trade? Cary: I would, but I guess they have other plans, so... (An assistant arrives in the hall with some field) An assistant: I'm almost done, Cary. The last one is on your desk. Cary: Thank you. The assistant: Hi, Mrs. Florrick. Cary: Looks like we share an assistant, so tell me when I'm hogging her, ok? And let the best men win! Alicia: Excuse me? Cary: Let the...nothing! It's nothing. I...It's nothing! [In Alicia's office] Alicia: Oops... (There is someone in her office) Kalinda: Don't worry. It's yours! Alicia: Oh! Kalinda: Kalinda Sharma. I'm the in-house. Alicia: Oh, the investigator. Kalinda: You're Peter Florrick's wife. Alicia: That's right! Kalinda: I worked with him at the State's attorney's office three years. He fired me. Alicia: Ok. Kalinda: So what do you know? Alicia: The client is a second-grade school teacher, Jennifer. Kalinda: Lewis. Alicia: Arrested for killing her ex-husband. Kalinda: Making it look like a botched carjacking. Gunshot residue was found on Jennifer's face and hands. (They walked outside the office) That's why the cops started to think it was a murder disguised as a carjacking. According to them, Jennifer shot her ex-husband and wiped down the gun. Alicia: And the motive? Kalinda: He remarried and wanted custody of the 3 years-old. Witnesses saw them arguing a week before the murder. (In an elevator - Alicia's phone rings) Rings: hey, mom, pick up the phone. Hey, mom, pick up the phone. Alicia: Sorry, it's my daughter. (On the phone) Alicia: Hi, Grace. Grace: Hey, mom. I want to ask you a question, but I don't want you to freak out, ok? Alicia: Oh, oh. Grace: Forget it! I'll ask Zach. Alicia: No, no! What? (See Grace on the phone) Grace: All right, well, some girl said that slept with a hooker my age. And I just... (Alicia is in the hall at the Court) Alicia: What? A guardian: Madam, you'll have to turn that off. Grace: They were playing the tape in the computer lab, and some girls said her dad's a cop and he said one of the hookers was a teenager. Alicia: Ok, first of all, they were all over 20 and second, where is the teacher? Grace: It's no big deal, mom. Look I've got homework. I'll talk to you later. (Alicia arrives in front of the door) Kalinda: What? Alicia: Last time, I was in court was 13 years ago. Kalinda: Wow, I was 12. Alicia: Thanks! [In the court] A voice: The judge reaches into his pocket, pulls out a check, handing it to the plaintiff. I'm returning 5 grand and we're going to decide this. It's Florrick's wife. Alicia? My god. Matan, from the department Christmas party. You're at Stern, Lockhart & Gardner? Alicia: Yeah, first day. Matan: Oh, this is Sandra Pai. She's new since Peter. How is he doing by the way? Alicia: Peter? Fine! Matan: Say hello for me, will you? Look at all this. You're gonna to bury us. I don't know how you do it, Alicia. I'd be huddled up in a ball somewhere. Well, back to work. (The judge arrives) Matan: Good luck. (Jennifer, the client, arrives) Jennifer: Where's Diane? Alicia: Diane asks me to step in for her. Jennifer, I'm Alicia Florrick. I'm one of the other layers with the firm. Jennifer: Step in? For how long? Alicia: For the retrial. Jennifer: Oh my god! A voice: All right, man. The Criminal Court of Cook County is now in session, the honorable judge Richard Cuesta presiding. The judge: Be seated! Ok, let's hear it! Alicia: Your honor, I just... Matan: Your Honor, just to refresh your memory, the accused was deemed a flight risk due to an earlier custody hearing in which she threatened to run off with her daughter. The judge: And yet just last week a jury deadlocked on these murder charges six to six, Mr.Brody. Now, I know our new state's attorney wants to look tough, but why are you fighting this? Alicia: Your Honor, I just wanted to... Matan: The people are prepared to retry this case right now, your Honor. If Mrs.Florrick is so intent on getting her client out, why doesn't she agree to a speedy trial? The judge: Mrs. Florrick? Alicia: Yes, your Honor. The judge: The wife of the esteem Peter Florrick? You husband and I never quite saw eye to eye, madam. Alicia: Your Honor. The judge: Mrs.Florrick, don't talk! But if the prosecution thinks that this will in some way prejudice me against your client, he is sorely mistaken. Nice try, Matan. So Mrs. Lewis is granted pretrial release with an electronic monitoring. She is restricted to temporary housing attorney's offices, and transit in between. And given that this is rerun, I'll set the trial date for the 25th. Now, are we all happy? Good! Jennifer: Thank you! Alicia: Sure. (Lockhart's office - meeting between Jennifer, Alicia and Kalinda) Jennifer: We had a nice time. Michael talked about missing his daughter; the life we had together. We were driving home and uh... We got a flat. He was getting out to fix it, and I saw...a red pickup truck. A man came up to Michael. I didn't see the gun until. (Flashbacks of the moment - we see Jennifer screaming) Jennifer: Michael! (In the office) Jennifer: And I saw Michael's face. It was, um... Alicia: Do you need to take a break? Jennifer: No, just...if there is some water. Alicia: Sure. (Alicia leaves - Kalinda and Jennifer stay in the office) (Alicia speaks to her assistant) Alicia: Sonia, we need some water in here. Sonia: It's going to be about 5 minutes, but then I've got to do in his depot upstairs. Alicia: Ok, uh, tell me when you're done. (In the office with Kalinda & Jennifer) Kalinda: You stay this man ran to a red pickup truck here, and took off in this direction across the parking lot. There is a surveillance camera here. And the prosecution played it to make you look like a liar. Jennifer: I'm not lying. (Alicia is coming) Kalinda: But there is no truck on the tape, and that's why you're facing retrial how and not an acquittal. Alicia: I think what Kalinda is trying to say, Jennifer is, is it possible that you were mistaken and that the car went this way...not that way? Is that your daughter? Jennifer: They won't let me see her. Michael's parents have custody. What am I gonna do? Alicia: You're gonna take one day at a time. We got your housing. You're going to go there, take a shower, take a nap. Don't turn on the TV. You like reading? I'm going to get you some books. Fiction is best. You won't feel like it, but put on nice clothes and makeup. Force yourself to. Not for court, for you. Is the superficial things that matter most right now. Jennifer: Does it ever get easier? Alicia: No! But you do get better at it. (In front of the elevator - discussion between Alicia and Kalinda) Alicia: What? Kalinda: You identify with too many clients, you burn out! Alicia: Why don't you tell me when I do something right, ok? Kalinda: Sure. You go and interview the jurors and I'll try to figure out how a surveillance camera can lie. [In a hospital] (Alicia is asking some questions to a woman, one member of the jury) A woman: That's right. I was the jury foreman. Alicia: And you don't mind answering a few questions for us, doctor? It helps us refine the case for the retrial. A woman: No problem. I don't think you'll need much refining. Your case was very strong, very logical. In fact, I'm not even sure the other side went to trial. I voted for conviction right from the start. Alicia: Good. You mean acquittal? A woman: No, conviction. Alicia: But I'm with the defense. A woman: Oh. (The woman leaves) [In a school] (Alicia is talking to a man, one member of the jury) The man: She was lying about the pickup truck. She had the gunshot residue on her hands. Alicia: Can I ask you how many voted for conviction from the start, sir? The man: Eleven. Alicia: What? The men: There was only one holdout: Juror number 9. We argued with her for 3 days. Alicia: But the judge polled the jury and they deadlocked 6 to 6. The men: Yes, well, the judge would only declare us deadlocked if we were evenly split. So some of us agreed to change our vote to not guilty just to get out of there! If it hadn't been for juror number 9, we would have convicted. She didn't convince us. She exhausted us. [In a house] (Alicia is speaking to Mrs. Duretsky, juror number 9) Alicia: No tea for me, Mrs. Duretsky. Mrs.Duretsky: Suit yourself. Alicia: So the other jurors said you were a holdout. Is that correct? Mrs.Duretsky: Mm-hmm. They all thought they were so much smarter than me. My vote counted just as much as theirs. Alicia: Uh-uh. What exactly in the defense's case convinced you? Mrs.Duretsky: Well, the whole thing, really. I tend to look at a person and size them up pretty quickly. That lady, I liked her. Alicia: The defendant, Jennifer? Mrs.Duretsky: No, that lawyer lady. She never puts on airs. I like that! Alicia: Just so I'm clear: the defense expert argued that the gunshot residue on Jennifer's hands came from the struggle. Is that why you held out? Mrs.Duretsky: Oh, I don't know about that! I just tend to get a feeling. Don't I, Cyrus! [In Alicia's car] (The phone rings - conversation between Alicia and Jackie) Alicia: Hi, Jackie. What's wrong? Jackie: Nothing's wrong. I was going through the laundry and I think some of Grace's school clothes you would find inappropriate. Alicia: We just moved away. Grace has left all her friends. I need you to go easier on her. Jackie: All I said was I could take her shopping and help her find pants that would make her look slimmer. Alicia: She's at the perfectly healthy weight. I don't want her to have body image issues. Jackie: She'll only have body image issues if she keeps gaining weight. (Will knocks on the car) Will: Alicia. (Alicia to Jackie) Alicia: We'll talk about this when I get home later, ok? Jackie: All right! Alicia: Bye. (Alicia and Will are walking in the parking lot) Alicia: You know the new associate, Cary? Will: The one in the Brioni? What? I'm an observant. Alicia: Yes, the one in the Brioni. He said to me "may the best man win". What exactly does he mean by that? Will: What he means is something I thought we weren't making public. Alicia: What? Will: Look, we only have one associate position open. So we agreed to hire 2 applicants, and in 6 months, decide which one to retain. Alicia: So this is a contest between me and Cary? Will: It was either that or a cage match. I'm just happy your pro bono is going well. [In prison] The guardian: Visiting hours are almost over. (Alicia calls on Peter) Peter: They said a visitor. I thought mum. Alicia: I've been busy. Peter: It's good to see you. Alicia: I need you to sign some things. Peter: Ok. Alicia: We didn't get everything we wanted on the house. It's a bad market to sell! Peter: I see that! Alicia: We used most of it for your court costs. The rent will come out of my salary and the kids are going to have to stay in public school. Peter: How are they? Mother says that she's helping out around the house. Alicia: They're good. Grace argues over clothes with your mother, and Zach is using you to make friends at school which I don't know is that's a healthy thing or something worse. Peter: Using me? Alicia: "Funny or die" has a skit about you. It's cool, I guess. Oh...here. Peter: Alicia, I know this has been hard on you, but you've to believe me. I'm innocent of the abuse of office charges. Alicia: You think I give a damn about that, Peter? They were playing a tape in Grace's computer lab of you sucking the toes of a hooker. You think I care about the small print in your employment contract? Peter: Come on, I was set up. The state attorneys... Alicia: Come on! I don't wanna talk! I'm not gonna fight. I didn't come here to fight! Peter: Mum says you're on a case. Congratulations! The fake carjacking, right? Who's the judge? Alicia: Richard Cuesta. Peter: You're kidding! He hates me. Alicia: I know. A voice: Visiting hours are now over. Peter: You know there was something weird about the case, don't you? The Lewis' case? There was a rumor going around that something got buried, pitted. Alicia: What? Peter: Evidence or testimony. Alicia: I should go. Peter: Hey, listen. Thanks for playing the breadwinner for a while. It's not gonna last forever. Lawyers think that the appellate court is going to hear my case. If they overturn it, everything goes back to normal. Alicia: Peter, it's never going back to normal. [In a car] (Alicia and Kalinda are talking) Alicia: As soon as the cops found gunshot residue on Jennifer's hands, they had their suspect. So what if they pitted everything else? Kalinda: And what if they didn't? Arguments are cheap. What's that? Alicia: Page 1 of the crime lab summary. Look at the top of the corner. Kalinda: Looks like a staple. Alicia: It is a staple. Kalinda: And that's odd because... Alicia: There's no page 2. Why do they need to staple if there is no page 2? Kalinda: You think the cops kept something out the discovery that pointed to another suspect? Alicia: Well, I think either they did or it would be helpful in court to imply that they did. Kalinda: 2 days away from trial and you're thinking of dropping the old strategy? Alicia: Diane barely convinced a cat lady to acquit. Kalinda: So, a pickup truck is seen racing through a well-lit, empty parking lot. How's a truck missed by that surveillance camera? Alicia: Mismarked surveillance tape. Kalinda: Yeah. Alicia: What are you doing? Kalinda: Working. These are better than subpoenas. [In a firm] (Kalinda and Alicia ask some questions to a guy working in the firm near the place where the murder happened) Kalinda: We just need to see how the surveillance system works, and we'll be out of your hair in 5 minutes. A guy: 5 minutes? Kalinda: Uh-uh. A guy: Ok, it's down here. Alicia: Why did my husband fire you? Kalinda: He accused me of working 2 jobs. Alicia: Were you? Kalinda: Oh, yeah! A guy: The computer automatically records the surveillance, marks it with date and time. Kalinda: Is that the night of the murder? A guy: Yeah. I mean even if the computer did mismark it, I make an hourly tour of the lot, and I didn't see a pickup truck. Look that's me! 11:03 just before the murder. Kalinda: Can we have copies of these? (The guy calls his assistant) A guy: Sure. Lanie, Lanie! Lanie : what ? A guy : give me some disks. Lanie: All right! (Alicia to Lanie) Alicia: Your machine spit out an extra one. Would you like it? Oh, beautiful children. Lanie: 2 kids, 2 grandkids. A guy: Lanie, how about those disks? Alicia: Is he always so charming? Lanie: He's just a lazy mall cops, he spends all the day surfing p0rn, and with night shift, he can't get his skinny ass out of his chair. I'm always waking him up in the morning. Alicia: Oh, men! [Alicia's house] Jackie: I talked to Peter. He said you dropped by. Alicia: I did. Jackie: I'm glad. He's hurting in there. He's very brave but he's hurting. He needs you to forgive him, Alicia. Alicia: Jackie, I spent 15 years doing his laundry, cleaning his house, never asking a single question because I didn't think I had to. And he took everything I thought we had and he just put it out there for everyone. Jackie: He didn't want that! The press... Alicia: Oh, Jackie! Stop it, please! Peter wasn't thinking of us. Jackie: It takes time Alicia. Give it time. Alicia: Any time I have right now is for them. [SCENE_BREAK] [Grace's room] Grace: I want her dead. Alicia: Me too, just not quite yet. Grace: So why can't Zach and I just watch ourselves? Alicia: Honey, she's only here a couple of hours a day. Grace: A couple very damaging hours. Alicia: You'll heal, and change her ringtone. [In the court] (Matan questions a witness, Cindy Lewis) Matan: Please state your name. Cindy: Cindy Lewis. Matan: And you were married to the victim for how long, Mrs. Lewis? Cindy: 2 years until...Thank you. Matan: And how would you describe your husband's relationship with his first wife? Cindy: Well, most of the time it was fine, friendly even, but after the last custody hearing; Michael was pretty worried about Jennifer... Alicia: Objection, your Honor! Judge: On what grounds? Alicia: Hearsay. Judge: Nice try, Mrs. Florrick. I'll allow. Go ahead, Mrs. Lewis. Cindy: He was worried Jennifer was intent on getting sole custody. Matan: Thank you, Mrs. Lewis. Your witness. Alicia: Now, Mrs. Lewis, you stated that Michael was worried about Jennifer, yet in the week following... Matan: Objection, your Honor. Judge: Sustained. Alicia: In your testimony, Mrs. Lewis, you claimed that Jennifer wanted sole custody, but isn't it true... Matan: Objection. Judge: sustained. Keep trying Mrs. Florrick. You'll hit on it! Alicia: Mrs. Lewis, whose idea was it to have dinner, Jennifer or Michael's? Cindy: Michael's. Alicia: So wouldn't that suggest that his attitude had changed. Matan: Objection! Judge: Sustained. Alicia: Thank you. (Sandra Pai & Alicia question a new witness, Detective Briggs) Sandra Pai: Now, Detective Briggs, the defense has referred to 3 unsolved carjacking in the neighborhood at that time. Are you aware of this? Briggs: I am. Sandra Pai: So why didn't you consider this incident to be another in that series of carjacking? Briggs: First of all, they were all luxury cars: 1 Lexus and 2 BMWs. The victim in this crime was driving a 2001 Honda, and there was no clip on the fuel line. Sandra Pai: This is what the carjackers did to force the luxury cars over. Briggs: That's right. Sandra Pai: but in the case of the Honda, the victim pulled over because he had a flat. Briggs: Yes, man. There was a nail driven into the front driver tire. Sandra Pai: I see. Now, why is this something a carjacker would never do, Detective? Briggs: It would defeat the purpose. I mean, how do you steal a car with a flat? Sandra Pai: Your witness. (Jennifer to Alicia) Jennifer: It's not going well, is it? Alicia: It's early. Judge: Mrs. Florrick? (Alicia to the witness) Alicia: Detective Briggs, what is "the pit"? Briggs: Excuse me? Alicia: In police circles, what is "the pit"? Matan: Objection, Your Honor. Judge: On what grounds? Matan: On the grounds that...relevance. Judge: Well, let us see how relevant this becomes, shall we? Detective? Briggs: The pit...the pit is police slang for evidence thought irrelevant at a crime scene. Alicia: So when an officer's referring to dropping something in "the pit" or "pitting" it, he refers to what? Briggs: Excluding it from the crime scene narrative. But that only applies to irrelevant details. We wouldn't exclude pertinent evidence. Alicia: Was anything pitted from the Lewis' crime... Matan: Your Honor, objection! [In the judge's office] Matan: Evidence is logged in all the time that proves irrelevant to the discovery. It's not intent to deceive. It's intent... Sandra Pai: We don't even know if it is anything. Matan: And to blame the prosecution for not coming up with every ...single possible detail. Sandra Pai: She's trying to build... Judge: Ok, ok, Mrs. Florrick. None of this was in the first trial. Is it your intention to pursue a new defense? Alicia: Yes, Your Honor. Matan: Counsel's trying to mislead the jury. She's implying there was police corruption. Judge: Oh, shut up, Matan! Is she right? That's the question! Did you bury something? Matan: We all know what's going on here. Peter Florrick was a corrupt and convicted state's attorney. If evidence was buried, he buried it! And now, she's benefiting from his knowledge. Judge: ...which still leaves you with some pages missing here. I'll give you until Monday to produce them, along with any evidence they reference. Then, I'll rule on admissibility. And you, Mrs. Florrick, I'm not sure if you're being fed this stuff or you're doing it on your own, but if it's the former, you're walking a very narrow ethical line here. You understand that? Alicia: Yes, Your Honor. [Diane's office] Diane: The directive was simple: follow the strategy of the first trial. Instead, you're pushing for evidence that might not even help your case. Alicia: I interviewed the first jury, and they voted 11 to one to convict. Diane: Excuse me. That's not even true! It was evenly split. Alicia: No! Half the jurors switched their votes when they couldn't get a troubled juror to deliberate. So, I used my judgment to change strategies. Diane: And was it your judgment not to update us? (Alicia leaves - Conversation between Will and Diane in her office) Diane: She's a junior associate who doesn't think she's a junior associate! Her husband was a state's attorney. She lived in Highland Park. It's not just teaching an old dog new trick. It's teaching entitled dog new tricks. Will: Oh, come on Diane. The problem is she's catching evidence that you overlooked. I've seen you mentor these women until they start competing with you and then... Diane: What? Excuse me? I say we're reprimand Alicia and put Cary in as first chair. [Alicia's office] Jennifer: Thank you. (phone rings) That's her, isn't it? Alicia: Sonia, can you...(Alicia picks up the phone) Alicia Florrick's office. One moment, please. Jennifer pick up. Jennifer: Hello? Hi, baby. I miss you so much. (Kalinda and Alicia walk in the street) Kalinda: Alicia. It's dog hair: the pitted evidence. I talked to a friend at the crime lab, gave me a preview of the evidence. Alicia: A preview? Kalinda: It's dog hair found on the victim's clothes. Cops pitted it because they found dog hair at Michael's residence and thought it was the same. Alicia: It's not? Kalinda: It's from an Italian greyhound. Neither Michael nor Jennifer had greyhounds. There's also a chemical on the hair: Alco Ectolin, a lotion for muscle and joint paint. Alicia: That's the chemical number? Kalinda: No, his cell number. I agreed to drink. Alicia: So we're looking for an arthritic greyhound owner. Kalinda: We? I hear you're being bumped to second chair. Alicia: When? Kalinda: End of tomorrow. Cary's being transitioned in and he'll go back to the first trial strategy. Alicia: Wow. [Alicia's living room] TV: It's not a good year for him. The all-star point guard is currently suing his ex-girlfriend for damages, hoping the judge can finally determine whether this case was fact or fantasy. You know her simply as "Amber", the young woman who brought down bad boy Chicago State's attorney Peter Florrick. Though she says he wants to leave the scandal far behind, celebrity call girl Amber Madison has decided to write a memoir about her time with Florrick. In this exclusive interview with Inside Edition... (Alicia turns off the TV - Jackie arrives) Jackie: Do you really have to work? Alicia: Yes, 10 more minutes. Zach, I need your computer. Zach: Mum, I just raised my wanted level. Alicia: Yeah, I'm happy for you honey. Jackie: When Peter's father was on the Illinois' court, he never brought a single case home, not once! Alicia: He was judge, Jackie. I'm a junior associate. Zach?! (Zach arrives) I need you to play these 2 computer disks side by side. Can you set my computer next to yours? How's your sister? She still fighting with Grandma? [In Zach's room] Zach: What is it? Alicia: It's video the night of the murder. Zach: Like Faces of Death? Mum, I've seen worse. Alicia: You're adorable! Zach: I'm not! Alicia: Yes, you're! Zach, freeze it! Zach: What? What is it? Alicia: It's proof! [In the court - new witness, Mr. North, the guy from the company] Matan: This is at 11:03, the night of the murder, Mr. North, and...that's you, making your hourly circuit of the lot, correct? North: Yes, that's correct! Matan: And you saw, no pickup truck, no carjacker racing past, nothing the defendant claims she saw. North: That's correct. Matan: Thank you. Nothing further, Your Honor. Judge: Mrs. Florrick. Alicia: Can we have the monitor in, please? Thank you. (In the public - Will and Kalinda) Will: State's attorney is here. Alicia: Now, Mr. North... Kalinda (to Will): they're worried she's getting the stuff from her husband. Alicia: Here all 3 images. The middle is the image of the surveillance from the 15th, the night of the murder, and the one over there on the left is the image from the 14th, the night before the murder, and the one on the right is from the 16th, the night after the murder. Can you see the dates on those? North: Yes, I can. Alicia: So, as you said before, there you are the night of the murder at 11:03, making your circuit of the lot. And there you're the night before the murder and the night after, doing the same thing. It must get old! North: No, man. My job doesn't pay as much as yours, but I still love it. Alicia: Ok, good. Now, Mr. North, let's fast forward, shall we? 45 minutes, the night of the murder and there... What do you see? North: Nothing. Alicia: No? It's right there...maybe you need to move in a little closer. North: Oh, it's a shopping bag; it looks like a shopping bag. Alicia: Actually, it is. It's a plastic shopping bag. It was a very windy night that night, and it blew across the lot at 11:48 Matan: Your Honor, objection! What does this have to do with anything? Judge: Beats me. But I'm interested, aren't you, Mr. Brody? Overruled. Alicia: Ok, so let's fast-forward the other 2 monitors, the night before the murder and the night after the murder to the same time code. There is the 14th and the 16th. What do you see? North: Um...I don't know. Alicia: I think you do know, sir. Either you have a plastic bag that blows across your lot every night at 11:48, or these are duplicates of the same tape. North: No, it...it's not...what it looks like. Alicia: I understand, sir. You didn't willfully mislead the police. North: Yeah, that's correct! Alicia: No, it's just that it gets cold out there, and sometimes you don't make the circuit of the lot. North: Yes. Alicia: On the nights, you don't go out, you don't record the actual surveillance image, you set your computer up to duplicate the night before, just in case your manager checks in, is that correct? North: Yes. Alicia: So just I'm clear, there is no recording the night of the murder, and you were never there to see or not see the pickup truck or the carjacker. North: I'm sorry. Uh, yes. Alicia: No further questions. [Alicia's office - Discussion between Alicia & Will] Will: So, you're wondering whether demolishing the key prosecution witness didn't just save your ass as first chair...nice work, by the way... Alicia: Thanks. Will:...but was enough for reasonable doubt. You know what hurts you? Alicia: Nail in the tire. Will: Yep...and the old Honda. It just doesn't feel like a carjacking. It feels like a murder made to look like a carjacking. Alicia: What if I don't fight it? Will: What, agree that it was just a murder? Then, the jury needs a suspect. Alicia: It's late. Will: It's like old times. Evidentiary procedure; the mock trial. Alicia: You remember that? Will: How could I forget? Did we lose that one? Alicia: Yeah! (Alicia's assistant arrives) Assistant: Hi, hi, Mrs. Florrick, I just want to say congratulations. I heard you did well in court. Alicia: Thanks, Sonia. (Sonia leaves) Alicia: Heading out? Will: Yeah, I got a breakfast meeting with clients. What? Alicia: Something just doesn't seem right. Michael has dinner with his first wife. Will: Right. Alicia: He tells Jennifer he misses her, he missed their old life together. Will: Right. Alicia: What does Cindy think about it? Will: The second wife? Cindy thinks some unhappy thoughts. Alicia: Jury like her. Will: Get them not to. [In the hall's court] Alicia: What did you get on Cindy's brother? Kalinda: These are his employment records. Alicia: Good. What about the lab report? Kalinda: Here. But they're gonna object the whole way. You'll need to just string together some implications... (State's attorney arrives in the direction of Alicia & Kalinda) Childs: Mrs. Florrick, you've a moment? (Kalinda leaves) Childs: I don't think we've ever met before, Glenn Childs. Alicia: We've met! Childs: You know he's using you, don't you? Peter blames me for his downfall. He's using you to get to me. Alicia: How do you figure? Childs: Mrs. Florrick, please. He told you about the pitted trace evidence. Don't make yourself collateral damage here, for your own sake. Alicia: Mr. Childs, the day you leaked that s*x tape to the press and forced me to shield my children from every cable news station that played it in a 24-hour rotation, that was the day I became collateral damage. If you're worried about my husband, Mr. Childs, you obviously never made a woman angry before. Good luck in court. [In court - witness, Cindy Lewis] Alicia: Mrs. Lewis did you and the deceased sign a prenuptial agreement? Cindy: Yes, for tax purposes. Alicia: So if the deceased were to divorce you, let's say, in order to reunite with his first wife. Matan: Objection. Judge: Sustained. Alicia: If the deceased were to divorce you, you would be cut off from his premarital savings, is that correct? Matan: Objection, relevance! Judge: Sustained. Move it along, Mrs. Florrick. Alicia: Mrs. Lewis, you stated in your testimony that you were in Miami at the time of the shooting visiting family, so the police never suspected or questioned you. Cindy: Of the murder? No, of course not! Alicia: What about your brother? Matan: Objection, Your Honor, come on, this whole line of questioning is a smokescreen. Judge: Mr. Brody, why don't we wait for a whiff of smoke before we call it a screen, please? I'll allow. Alicia: The police never questioned your brother, isn't that correct, Mrs. Lewis? Cindy: They had no reason to. Alicia: Because he lived in Miami? Cindy: Because Danny has nothing to do with this. Alicia: Mrs. Lewis, the judge has admitted into evidence the buried...Strike that...the previously unreleased trace evidence. He has also admitted into evidence the crime lab's finding that these greyhound hairs were covered in a chemical compound called Alco Ectolin. Have you heard of this? Cindy: Sorry, the chemical? No. Alicia: No, neither had I. It is a lotion. It is a lotion that is used at dog racing tracks to ease... Matan: Objection, not in evidence. Judge: Sustained, and you might want to stay standing, Mr. Brody. I've a feeling we're nearing your smokescreen. Alicia: Mrs. Lewis, isn't it a fact that a year ago at the time of the murder, your brother worked at a dog track? Matan: Objection! Judge: Sustained. Alicia: No further questions. [In a bar - Alicia & Kalinda are talking] Alicia: You're not just making this up? Kalinda: Come on, it's a Stern, Lockhart tradition: your first jury trial...shot of tequila. Let's go! Alicia: Ok. Kalinda: Yeah, I just made that up! Sounded good, though, didn't it? Alicia: How long do you think they'll stay out? Kalinda: Oh, I stopped guessing about juries a while ago. How long were they out with your husband? Alicia: 6 hours. Kalinda: Yeah? You know what I don't get? Why you stood by him. I would have stuck a knife in his heart. Alicia: I always thought I would too. When I heard about those other scandals, the other wives...I thought...how can you allow yourself to be used like that? And then it happened, and I was...unprepared. (Phone rings) Hello? Yes, thanks. Kalinda: Jury's in? [Judge's office] Judge: Well, Mrs. Florrick, Chicago homicide has decided to reopen its investigation into the murder of Michael Lewis. Detective Briggs, doing an admirable amount of due diligence, has confirmed that Cindy Lewis' brother Danny had access to his employer's pickup truck the week of the murder. And the dog hairs admitted into evidence match those found at his workplace. So our state's attorney, in his radiant wisdom, has decided to withdraw the charges against your client and pursue a case against Mrs. Lewis' brother. Isn't that right, Mr. Brody? All I need is a yes or no. Matan: Yes. Judge: Good! Then, we're done here. [In the hall of the court] Jennifer: Thank you, thank you so much. [In Lockhart's office - Alicia's phone rings] Alicia: Hi, Jackie. No, it just went a little late, that's all. Jackie: I made a pot roast, and I was wondering if you were coming home for dinner. What? What did I say? Alicia: Nothing, it's just that's what I always used to say to Peter. Jackie: Are you there? Alicia: Yeah, yeah, I just need to pick up a few things, and I'll be home soon. Jackie: All right. Alicia: Jackie, I don't know if I've said this, but thank you for stepping up. Jackie: Of course, I would...why wouldn't I? Alicia: I'll see you soon. Jackie: All right, then, bye. [In Alicia's office - Will arrives] Will: Oh, hey, sorry, I didn't know you were here. Alicia: Hi. Will: It's just a little office token. You did great! Alicia: Thanks. I did, didn't I? Will: Oh, one more thing. Alicia: Yes, sir? Will: You've been made my second chair in the civil case. I'll see you tomorrow at 9:30, staff meeting. Alicia: I'll be there. (Alicia listens to a message on her voicemail) Peter: Hey, it's me. I'm sorry, you must be in bed, but I just wanted to tell you, the appellate court agreed to hear my case. I still can't believe it! The lawyers think we have a really good shot at overturning this and they're gonna make an official statement tomorrow. But, uh, I just wanted to tell you first. I'll see you soon. I love you
doc_277	Michael: Hup! [throws cheese puff to Ryan who catches it in his mouth] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Things are a little slow here. And there's only so much cold-calling you can do in a day. Turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face. Michael: Hup! [throws cheese puff to Pam who catches it in her mouth] Pam: We're getting pretty good at it. [SCENE_BREAK] [Pam and Ryan throw cheese puffs to Michael, Ryan and Michael throw cheese puffs at each other, Michael throws a cheese puff over his shoulder to Ryan, all three throw cheese puffs to one another, give high-fives] [SCENE_BREAK] [Pam yawns, two cheese puffs thrown at her, one sticks in her hair] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Andy put down a bunch of deposits on stuff for his wedding with Angela, but then she was sleeping with Dwight for... several years. Wait, no, that can't be right. Pam: The timeline's messy. Jim: Anyway, now we are going bargain hunting in the haunted graveyard of their love. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: This is my solo. [stereo plays Andy imitating bass guitar, a cappella starts singing 'You Can Call Me Al'] Pam: I'm confused. Am I walking down the aisle to 'You Can Call Me Al?' Andy: Trust me. You will not be walking. You will be boogie-ing. Jim: I am extremely interested. So, how much will all of this cost? Andy: Well, 12 guys, airfare, three nights in a hotel, food per diem, table up front for merch... $9,000. Pam: I don't know. It seems like a lot for an a cappella group from a college we never went to. Andy: Did you even hear the music I just played for you? Pam: Mm-hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: What's wrong with you? Dwight: These sleeves are cutting off my circulation. Not enough blood getting to my hands. Phyllis: I think you look nice. Dwight: Doesn't Charles know he's compromising my attack readiness? It's not a dress code. It's a death sentence. Charles: Looking good. Dwight: 'Kay, thank you. It's a straight jacket! [knocks things off shelf with arms] Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: When Michael was in charge, this place was like the Roman Empire. And the Wild West. And war-torn Poland. And Poland. There was just a lot going on, so what you wore to work was the least of anybody's worries. And in that chaos, I soared. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey. Dwight: Hey. Ed's Tires is thinking of making a change. Michael: [gestures to 'Bed & Breakfast' magazine] Is this good? Dwight: They have some great kitchen ideas. Michael: Oh. Okay. Ed's Tires, huh? Dwight: It's small, I know. Michael: I really appreciate it. Dwight: Thanks, Michael. [Michael palms Dwight cash in their handshake] Wait, what is this? Michael: It's for your trouble. Dwight: Wh- I don't need $6 to help a friend. Michael: No, no, listen, as a friend, I want you to have this. Dwight: Michael, you know I can't take this. Michael: Yes, I do. Dwight: But don't forget you owe me $10. Michael: That was four years ago. Why don't you let it go? Dwight: Michael. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: What was up with Pam being all pushy and negative in there? Jim: I think she just didn't want a crucifix cake. Andy: It scares me to see you going down a road that I went down. Jim: Am I going down a road? Andy: When I see her bossing you around like that, it just makes me wonder if this thing really has the legs to go the distance. Jim: It's so scary how right the things you're saying are. And you're coming at it with almost no knowledge, so of course I trust your opinion on this. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I was going to use today to purge my inbox, but now something much more pressing has come up. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ed's Tires. Why don't you tell them that we have fewer clients, so we can spend more time with each of them. Also, try to discuss it over Indian food, and try to mention how you distrust women. Pam: I'm not gonna do that. Michael: That is smart. That would not seem genuine. Ryan? Ryan: I can get there. Michael: Good, you take the lead on this one. Also, do not forget that he has just gone through a messy divorce. Ryan: Oh, awesome. Michael: Bring it in. Morning cheer. [clears throat] Michael, Pam & Ryan: U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi! You ugly, huh huh, you ugly! You mama says you ugly! Hey! Go Michael Scott Paper Company! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm here. I'm a part of this now. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: You needed to speak to me? Charles: Dwight, take a seat. Dwight: I prefer to stand. Less blood clots. Charles: Nah, that's weird. You're gonna sit. [Dwight sits] Great. You know, Dwight, it has been quite a transition for all of us. Are you happy with the way things have been runnin' lately? Dwight: Do you mean compared to the ways things ran with other bosses? Comparisons are hard. Charles: I've just been impressed with your performance and I wanted to make sure good work doesn't go unnoticed. Dwight: Your concern is noted. Charles: Yeah, I like your work ethic. You're so... focused. Dwight: Like a wolf. Thank you. Charles: And I wanna start givin' you more responsibility. What do you say you and I go out for a drink this week? Dwight: Really? Charles: Definitely. Dwight: [sighs] It's firm. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on phone] I need you to get me the prices that you're charging Ed's tires so I can undercut Dunder Mifflin. Dwight: I don't know that I can do that now. You know, uh, something's come up. Michael: Oh n- Is it Mose? Did you put the cover on that well? Dwight: No, Mose is fine. I roped it off. It's not about Mose. Listen, things are changing here, Michael, they're changing fast. Michael: I'm not following you. Dwight: Imagine... Someone has a personal hero they really wanna help. But then there's this new guy. Very cool, very Will Smith-esque, who would not like it if he helped his hero. Michael: Personal hero, cool new guy. Okay, I think I'm getting your drift. Dwight: Good, do you see what I'm saying? Michael: Crystal clear. So is this for a movie that you're writing? Dwight: No. Michael: Can I use it? [Pam holds up note saying "He's talking about you!"] Dwight: No. Michael: [Michael dismisses note, Ryan and Pam point to notepad] Dwight, are you talking about us? Dwight: It is possible that I could be talking about us. Michael: Someone could say that it is like the situation that we are in now? Dwight: It is the situation that we are in now. Michael: So I would say that the old boss has always been good to Dwight, and he was there first, so he has dibs. You respect dibs, don't you? Dwight: I'm not a barbarian. Michael: Good. Will you meet me in 20 minutes at the spot? Dwight: I will. Michael: Dwight? Dwight: Yes? Michael: Is the cool new guy Charles? Dwight: I've said too much. Michael: Is it Stanley? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, Andy. You know I've been thinkin about what you said- Andy: 'Noishe.' Jim: -I just don't know if I can do it. Andy: That's interesting, because I hear what you're saying is that you want to do it, which means you can do it. Believe me, I broke up with Angela, and I'm like, the happiest guy ever. I mean, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Like, total freedom, you know? Jim: It's just that Pam gets me through the day, you know? I really rely on her. I'm pretty emotionally needy. Andy: And you know what? I am here for you. Let me be your traveling pants. [imitates punching on Jim's fist] Ah, what'd you do that for? Jim: [both laugh] You know that I was doin' this. Andy: [fist pound each other] Totally. Jim: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hello, Dwight. What's with the shirt? Are you alright? Dwight: I'm sorry, Michael Charles: [Charles comes from around corner] Hi, Michael. Michael: Oh my God! Run! Run! It's a setup. Setup! Charles: No, Mich-Michael. Michael: Dwight, run! Charles: Michael, no, let's be cool, ok? Michael: You be cool. Charles: Yes. Michael: Just-what's going on? Charles: We need to talk about our two companies, and how we should behave. Dwight tells me you've been pestering him for company info. Michael: Mm-do... Dwight would not- Charles: He did. Dwight: I did, Michael. I was upset about the shirt sleeves at first, but now I'm okay with it. Charles: Michael, I want you to stop pestering my salesmen, and I want you to leave Dunder Mifflin alone. Do you understand? Michael: I. Understand. Nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Michael storms into office] Wow. Pam: Michael, are you alright? Michael: It was a setup. Dwight told Charles. He told him. Pam: Tell us what you're talking about. Ryan: Yeah. Michael: It's like, a girl says she'll make out with you, but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon. Pam: We can't help you if you don't just tell us what happened. Michael: I got hit in the face with a pee-filled water balloon, Pam, ok? I don't know how they did it. They filled the balloon with pee. A funnel? I don't know. Is that clear enough for you? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey, Jim. Jim: [Jim slams lunchbag on table] I just totally blew a sales call. Andy: Bro, I do that all the time. Jim: Yeah, well, with you it's different, okay? Cause I just- I just suck. I just- I suck! Andy: Tuna, be nice to my friend Jim, ok? Jim: Why? When I look in the mirror, I don't like the face that looks back. Andy: Well, so what? Your body's a ten. Jim: Forget it. Andy: Jim. Jim: I said forget it. [drop kicks lunch across room, stomps on it] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [on phone] Dwight Schrute. Michael: Hello, traitor. Dwight: I think you have the wrong number, Michael. Michael: I want you to listen to me, friend, and I want you to listen to me good. I am going to come at you, and I am going to come at you hard. I am going to steal all of your clients, and then I am going to kill them in front of you. Pam: Michael! Michael: I'm just getting hardcore with him. Ryan: Finally. Michael: Yes, and hear me, Dwight, when I say I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. [hangs up] Bill Cosby. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [on phone] Mr. Schofield, please? Secretary: He's in a meeting. Dwight: Dammit! [hangs up] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on phone] Is Mr. Schofield there? Automated phone voice: If you'd like to reach an outside line, please dial nine first. [Michael sighs, hangs up phone] [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: So, you think Michael's going after the whale, huh? Dwight: I have a long term relationship with Harper Collins publishers and Mr. Schofield. I'm not worried. Phyllis: You sound worried. Dwight: And you have bad skin. Oh, look everyone, we're all making observations! [gibberish sounds] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on phone] Well, if you could do me a big favor and tell Mr. Schofield that Michael Scott has tickets to the Wilkes-Barre Penguins game this weekend, and if he would like to join me... Hello, Daniel. How are you? Uh-huh. I sure do. Yes. [referencing rolodex card] Wanted to ask, did Kathy ever make JV? Ryan: Look at that old dude and his rolodex go. Pam: I spent a month putting that rolodex on his Blackberry, which he now uses as a nightlight. Michael: Wow. High score? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: And no, I cannot lower my current prices. [phone rings] Hold on. Hello? Mr. Schofield, thank you so much for taking the time to talk. I wanted to discuss your contract with us- oh, you're considering him. I thought Michael Scott left the paper business after his nervous breakdown. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Michael has been talking to my biggest client. Master and apprentice pitted against one another for the fate of the greater Scranton area paper market. So it's not exactly like 'Highlander,' but still... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hello, Dwight, I've been expecting your call. What do you want? Dwight: I would like to arrange a truce. Michael: So you heard Schofield is considering a switch, and you want mercy? Dwight: Meet me in our spot in four minutes. Michael: No. No. You think I am going to fall for that? There's no- Dwight: Michael. Michael: Meet- Ok, go to the spot and then walk 100 feet. Dwight: In which direction? Michael: Toward the sun. Dwight: At what time? Michael: Noon. Dwight: That- Michael: You have two seconds. [Dwight starts running] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [looking at his watch] Michael. [Madge walks by] Sorry. Michael: Dwight. Dwight: Michael. Michael: I hope you're not recording this conversation. [Dwight drops his pants and lifts up his shirt] Good. I cannot believe that you sided with Charles. Dwight: You were making me do things that were not all right. Michael: So you just rat me out? You could have said no. Dwight: And not come through for you? Michael: If you want a truce, I will give you a truce. Dwight: I want a truce. Michael: I do too. Dwight: Let me take you and your whole company out for lunch at Alfredo's. Michael: Cooper's. Dwight: I had fish yesterday. Michael: Damn it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Michael, Ryan and Pam sitting at restaurant, phone rings] Oh. Dwight-elicious. Where you at? Dwight: Oh, hi, Michael. I'm so sorry I'm late. I got stuck in traffic. Michael: Really? That's weird. We didn't see any. Dwight: I hit a bear. Michael: What? Dwight: He's technically fine. I imagine the true horror will be when he wakes up in a zoo. [throws a fish into the vent at Michael's office] Hey, listen, will you do me a favor and order the meatball parm for me, with extra cheese? Michael: Yeah, sure. Dwight: Ok, I will see you very soon, alright? [takes all the items off Michael's desk and puts them into briefcase, including rolodex] Michael: Okay, see you in a bit. Dwight hit a bear. He'll be here in a sec. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Pam, Ryan and Michael enter office] Sounds neat. Ryan: We can spend a couple days there. Pam: Oh my God, I think we've been robbed! Michael: [Michael answers phone] Yeah. Dwight: Did you enjoy your lunch? Michael: Dwight, not now, we've been robbed. Dwight: No, Michael, you were sabotaged. Michael: No, Dwight, we were robbed. How would you even know? You're still stuck in traffic. [Pam holds up sign saying "Dwight did it!!"] You? Dwight: Me. Michael: What about our truce? Dwight: I broke it. Michael: On purpose? Dwight: Yes. Michael: Why? Dwight: You think this is some kind of game? No, this is a war, and I will not stop, I will not rest. You have no idea what kind of enemy you've created. You have unleashed the wolf! Michael: Be that as it may, I have your meatball parm sandwich here, and I am going to eat it. Dwight: And I knew that you would do that. The meatball parm is their worst sandwich! Michael: Oh. [bites into sandwich, looks disgusted] bstrd! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hi there. Dwight Schrute here. I was just calling to see if Michael Scott Paper was meeting all of your paper needs, and how is [reading off rolodex card] Brenda, age four, ponytail, and Simon, age 7? Oh, you don't say. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [holding up rolodex card] Schrute comma Dwight. And on the back he wrote, "great salesman, better friend." [turns card over] "Tall" and "beets." [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: And say hello to Cheri, who is your black wife. [hangs up and answers cell phone] I see you're begging for mercy, huh? Well, you will find none here. Michael: Dwight, do you mind if we talk? Dwight: Sure. That'd be fine. Michael: If you keep coming after us, the Michael Scott Paper Company cannot succeed. Dwight: This is war and that is what happens. Michael: Oh, one more thing. I'm going to have you listen while I steal your biggest client. Dwight: Oh, no. No. No. No. No. Michael: Oh, uh oh, I'm turning you down right now. Dwight: Michael! Michael! Michael: You can hear me, but I can't hear you. Secretary: Mr. Schofield's ready to see you now, Mr. Scott. Michael: Oh, great. Mr. Schofield's ready to see me. Thank you so much. Dwight: Don't let him in! He's a traitor! Michael! Michael: Walking in the door... Mr. Schofield: Michael, good to see you. Michael: Mr. Schofield, good to see you. And I'm closing the door. [Dwight runs out of the office] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on speakerphone in Dwight's car] Now, when Dwight tells you that he will keep prices steady for a year, I think he is speaking out of turn. Mr. Schofield: Really? Michael: Yes. He does not have the authority to say that. I, on the other hand, am the president, the owner, and the founder. It is like you are buying software from Bill Gates. Dwight: Are you saying you invented paper? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [hugging a crying Jim] Okay, okay. Jim: Oh, God. Andy: Okay, Tuna. Kelly: Hey, guys. Jim: Hey. Andy: Hello. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Excuse me, can I have your attention, everyone? Here's the deal, everybody, Jim Halpert is very upset and disturbed. I don't know if it was something you did, something you said, a look you gave him, maybe it was nothing at all, but here's the deal, ok? It stops now. Kevin: I guess I could be nicer. Phyllis: Andy, I think Jim is messing with you. Andy: Oh, really? Phyllis: Mm-hmm. [looks over to Jim smiling through windows to the kitchen] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Okay. Andy: Yeah, okay, what the heck is happennin' here? Jim: Two things I need you to understand. One, Pam and I are very happy together. Andy: Uh, that's not what was- Jim: And two, that stuff that happened with you and Angela is a bummer, and I know you don't think you're ever gonna find someone else, but you will. I promise you, you will. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Oh man, he got me so good. I learned something about myself today. Yeah. I wish this was a sofa, cause I feel like I could sit here and talk for hours. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What is that thing that Dwight always says? Paper is the soil in which the seeds of business grow? Dwight: It's not the soil! It's the manure! Paper is the manure! On-time delivery is the soil! Aah! [runs into office] Secretary: Uh, hello, Dwight. Dwight: Spin move. Secretary: Oh- Dwight: Ha ha! April 13th, 2002. Mr. Schofield: Dwight, I'm in a meeting. Michael: That's very rude. Dwight: I barge because I care. April 13th, 2002, that is the date when you tried to switch paper providers for an obscure sociology textbook, but were hung out to dry when the price of glossy stock increased. Mr. Schofield: Maybe we should schedule a meeting on our- Dwight: La la la! Continuing. Notice my persistence and recall. Continuing! You called Dunder Mifflin, and your order was filled within an hour! Michael: I'm going to pull a date out of the air right now. April 13th, 2002. That is the last day that you evaluated your paper needs. Is it not? We all know that the economy is bad, and bloated companies like Dunder Mifflin... Dwight: Come on. Michael: Are going to fall by the wayside. Two of their branches have closed within the last year. The Michael Scott Paper Company, however, has opened a new branch this very month. Dwight: What he's not telling you is that he will abandon you. Mr. Schofield: Why don't you guys just e-mail me your best offers and we can finish it up that way? Michael: That sounds like a fantastic idea. I will see you this weekend for the Penguins. Box seats as usual. Mr. Schofield: Uh, ok, sure. Michael: Good, good, good. I will see you. Dwight: Thank you, Mr. Schofield, for your time. Much appreciated. Oh, and tell me, um, how's your gay son? Mr. Schofield: Excuse me? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I color code all my info. I wrote "gay son" in green. Green means go, so I know to go ahead and shut up about it. Orange means "Orange you glad you didn't bring it up?" Most colors mean "Don't say it." [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: How is Tom, the homosexual sophomore? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I wanted to start a company, not a war. Because in a war, you always fight those you are closest to. And the great tragedy of the civil war is that brother fought against brother. For what? What purpose did that serve? Apart from abolishing slavery? In that case, war was the right choice. This doesn't feel as important though. That's just how the world works, I guess. [SCENE_BREAK] [muffled speech, Ryan, Michael, and Pam all have mouths stuffed with cheese puffs, Michael answers the phone and talks with mouth full]
doc_278	"DANCE" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Grams: Mary Beth Peil Joey: Kaite Holmes Bessie: Nina Repeta Pacey: Joshua Jackson Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Jen: Michelle Williams Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Andie: Meredith Monroe Jack: Kerr Smith Homecoming Dance Dawson's room: Andie is dancing and watching "Footloose" on Dawson's TV while Pacey, Dawson, and Joey sit on the bed and watch her dance and laugh. Andie: Oh my God! I love "Footloose"! Don't you guys love to dance? I am so excited about the homecoming dance next weekend. Pacey: The homecoming dance? Andie nods Pacey: Oh my God, we're hanging out with Marcia Brady. Andie: I don't understand. What's wrong with the school dance? Dawson: I think what Pacey's actually saying is that we're not exactly the school dance type. Joey: We'd rather watch a movie about a high school dance than actually set foot in an over-decorated gym. Pacey: Actually, this enditement of high school conventions isn't limited to dances. It covers the whole spectrum of school-sponsored events. Case-in-point: Joey, how many high school football games have you been to? Joey: None. Pacey: Mm-hm. And Dawson? How many pep rallies have you loyally attended? Dawson: Zero. Pacey: Mm-hm. Andie: Uh! You guys are a bunch of cynics, you know that? I mean, what kind of memories are you going to have if all you did in high school is bitch and moan about it? Joey: Bitching memories. Dawson: Moaning memories. Joey looks over and smiles at Dawson. Andie: You guys are completely sabotaging your high school experience. Pacey: Guilty as charged. Now, Dawson, if you don't mind, could you turn the video back on? 'Cause I really want to see who's responsible for Kevin Bacon's rougueish, devil-maker, hair do(?). He smiles at Andie as the tape comes back on. Andie walks over and stands in front of the TV Andie: You mean you would rather watch a movie about something than doing it yourselves? Dawson and Joey: Correct. Andie walks over and sits on the windowseat Andie: Okay, what about sx? Dawson, Pacey, and Joey look over.* Andie: I mean, you guys are missing a major opportunity here. Why do you think the (?) were so adament about outlawing dancing? They believed it to be sinful. Dawson: Are you saying dancing equals sx? Andie: No. But dancing could possibly be really great foreplay. Joey looks at Dawson* Pacey: I love the way you think. Andie: So...who's going with me on Saturday? Joey looks at Dawson again and scratches her head. Pacey makes a face like 'Whoa' Cut to Bessie and Joey pulling up to Capeside High. Joey's getting out but she stops Bessie: Okay. We're here. You gonna get out? Joey: I was thinking.. Bessie rolls her eyes Bessie: What is it this morning? General teen angst or something specific? Joey: If I tell you something will you respond with nothing but sisterly advice and/or concern? Bessie: Of course. Joey: Okay...Jack kissed me. Bessie starts laughing Bessie: Oh my God! laughing Joey: Look I don't think cackling qualifies as concern or advice. Bessie: I'm sorry Joey, but Jack? Choreboy down at the Icehouse? Joey: Yes. Bessie: He kissed you? Joey: It was nothing, really. It happened and then it was over. Bessie: So what's the problem then? Joey: Dawson? Bessie: Oh...you didn't tell him, did you? Joey: No. I mean, here's the thing. I mean, this is a classic example of what I would tell Dawson, the friend, but since Dawson, the friend, has become Dawson, the boyfriend, the concept of newsworthy events has become a little blurry. Bessie: Okay, look. Here's the way I see it. Jack kissed you, right? It was a 1 way kiss, right? Joey: Yeah. Bessie: Surprise whenever(?), completely uninvited, all-in-all no big deal. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't beat yourself up over it. If you want my advice, just put it behind you, concentrate on Dawson, pretend it didn't happen. Joey: What didn't happen? Bessie: Exactly. Joey: Thanks, Bess. See ya! Bessie: Okay She drives off Cut to Abby and Jen Abby: No way those are real. Jen: What? You think those are man-made? Abby: Yes! Jen, please! Physical enhancement caters not only to size. It can improve shape, direction, perk factor..that girls had some work done. Jen: Yeah, well, Brett sure doesn't seem to mind. Abby: Oh, please. Brett Tompkins is just a dim bulb with good hair and tight pants. A classic him-bo. In other words, perfect. Jen: If that's your type. Abby: Aw, what's the matter, Jen? Brett's too much man not enough touchy-feely film amateur(?). Full market down(?). Come Saturday night, Brett and Kristy will be history. Saturday, Brett will be mine. Jen: Abby, that's pathetic. You're going to the homecoming dance to hit on somebody else's boyfriend? Abby: Well, my guidance counselor told me to set goals for myself. Jen: You're on your own. Abby: Fine. Suit yourself. Stay at home and read Scripture with Grandma. Brett and I will drop you a line from Vegas. Cut to Brett and Kristy. Brett: Don't pull me away like I'm some stupid dog on a leash! Kristy: Well, how about acknowledging me when you see me outside, huh! Dawson walks by listening to them heading towards Joey at her locker. Dawson: Promise me we will never air a relationship crisis about anything like that. I can't think of anything more embarressing and immature. Joey: Deal. Dawson: Okay. They kiss Dawson: Now, remind me again how Andie McPhee convinced us to go to this homecoming dance. Joey: I think by promising us that dancing always ends in taudry smud-action(?). Dawson: Oh. Could that possibly be our first mention of sx since we've been together? Joey: Possibly. Dawson: Why is that? When we were friends we talked about sx all the time. Joey: I think because we wanted to ease into the subject to make the transition from friend to lover..unconfusing. Dawson: Ah, if we are confused about the transition from friend to lover, I can only think of one thing that would truly cinch it. Joey: What do you suggest? Dawson: That you put on your dancing shoes. Joey smiles Jen and Abby walk by Jen: Hey guys. Dawson: Hey Jen. Abby: Wipe the drool, Dawson. Joey: I don't like the two of them being so chummy. I mean, Abby is not a good influence for Jen. Dawson: laughing Is this genuine concern I'm hearing for Jen Lindley? Joey: Well, I feel sorry for her, I mean, her grandpa just died. Maybe we should invite her to the dance. I mean, we're going as a group. Might be fun for her. Dawson: Joey Potter, I applaude you. You earn major humanity points for this. Joey smiles and shrugs Dawson: But, um, don't you think it may make her feel worse than she already does? Joey: I don't know. All I know is that it's really hard to lose a family member, Dawson, and I just think it might be fun for her. It's up to you. Your call. Dawson: I'll see you later. Joey: Okay. They kiss Joey sees Jack enter the building and stares and then turns and walks away. Cut to Andie and Pacey outside Pacey: So since I'm in charge of transportation Saturday, would you like me to pick you up at your house or meet somewhere. Andie: Let's meet somewhere. Pacey: Cool. How's your mother doing anyway? Andie: She's having a good week. Pacey: Listen, Andie, if there's ever anything I can do, you can just ask me, right? Andie: So Witter. I hope you have your dancing moves polished and ready 'cause I plan on making a dancing fool outta you. Pacey: Sorry, McPhee, no can do, I don't dance. Andie: What do you mean you don't dance? Pacey: I mean, I don't like it and I'm really not any good at it. I mean, it's bad enough that I'm just going on Saturday but don't expect me to get out there and start bustin' a move 'cause it's just not going to happen. Andie: You don't dance. You are beyond immature. Pacey: You're overbearing. Andie: Boring. Pacey: Hyper-sensitive. Andie: Vulgar. Pacey: Pick you up at 7? Andie: Great. Pacey: Okay. Dawson walks up Dawson: Are you two having a spat? Pacey: No, just our usual passive-aggressive banter. Dawson: Okay. Andie: No, actually we were talking about the dance, and, hey, if you guys don't mind, I'd really like to invite my brother Jack to come along. You know, he's kind of a loner and I think it would be good for him. Dawson: Actually, why don't we also invite Jen Lindley? Andie: Jack and Jen? A set-up. Dawson: I mean, I'm not sure they're a perfect match but they're both single. Andie: I like it. Pacey: No, guys. This is a bad idea. Dawson: You never know. It could work! Andie: Let's do it. Pacey: No, don't, come on. Whenever you fix up two people who don't even know each other, it's a recipe for disaster. This can only end badly. I promise you. Please. Andie: I'll set it up. Dawson: Great. Andie: Buh-bye. Pacey: Am I invisible? Cut to Dawson's house. Dawson's parents are on the porch. Dawson walks in. Dawson: Hi. Mitch: Dawson, have a seat. Dawson: Okay. What's going on? Mitch: Well, I know things got a little out of hand the other night, and, well, I'm not sure what the segway is here, but your mother and I, after much talk, after much consideration, have decided-- Gail: Um, honey, sometimes you focus so hard on the solution that when you step away and you pull back, only then does the solution truly appear. Mitch: Yes. Right. And as improbable as this approach might seem, sometimes it's the only one left and, um, and in this case, it's the only one left. Gail: What we're trying to say is that...is that Mitch: Your mother and I have decided to spend some time apart. Dawson: Well, it looks like you two have given this quite a bit of careful thought. Gail: Yes, we have. Dawson: And the suggestion from me for you to go back to counseling wouldn't make any difference. Mitch: We've tried it. Dawson: So my suggestion that you make a more concerted effort at trying to find a solution. Maybe improve communication, possibly, family outings, truth syrum. Mitch: Dawson, your opinion is important to us and we love you. But we're not open to suggestions on this one. This is a conclusion. A conclusion that we've reached. Dawson: Yeah, well I conclude that your conclusion sucks. Dawson walks off Cut to Jack and Andie Jack: Why didn't you just let Pacey pick us up at the house? Andie: You know why, Jack. Jack: Did you strap Mom in for the evening? Andie: It's not funny. Jack: She's not getting any better, you know? Andie: You know, Jack, I want a night off. Just one night off. One attempt at fun. Can we do that please? Jack: Well, maybe I shouldn't be around, I'll just bring you down, Andie. I hate dances. I don't do good at these things. Andie: Don't be silly. It will be fun, okay? Besides, it's time we got you out and you met some of Capeside's cuties. And who knows? You might meet the woman of your dreams tonight. Jack: Maybe. Maybe I already have. Andie: Oh good, here's Pacey. Pacey pulls up in his cop car Jack: Quite a car. Andie: It's his dad's. They have a complex relationship. Cut to Mitch loading suitcases into the jeep Mitch: Look, I should get going. Gail, this is just a trial, okay? Only temporary. Gail: Absolutely. Only temporary. Um, look, are there rules? Can we talk to each other? Mitch: Of course we can talk to each other! You can call me whenever you need to. Gail: Go. Mitch: Bye Gail. He leaves and Gail starts crying Cut to Dawson coming down the stairs into the kitchen where his mom is cutting onions. Dawson: Mom, are you alright? Gail: with hints in her voice that she's been crying Uh, yeah, Dawson, I'm fine. It's just the onions. Dawson: Mom, I don't have to go to this dance. I'll stay home if you want me to. Gail: No, honey, everything's fine. I'm fine. Dawson: Can you turn around and tell me that? Gail: Why don't you go pick up Joey, honey? So you're not late for the dance. Go on. Dawson: Okay. He leaves Cut to the school. Andie: The light was clearly red, Pacey. Pacey: Oh no, it was turning red. I agree with you, red means stop. But if a light's turning red it's like an invitation to hit the gas. Andie: What? Dawson, Joey, hey! Dawson, you know my brother, Jack. Dawson: Yeah, we've met, unofficially. Andie: And Joey? Joey nods and smiles, obviously awkward Pacey: So... Dawson: Jen, hey! Jen walks up Jen: Dawson...everybody. Andie: Jen, this is Jack, my brother. Jen: Hi Jack, Andie's brother. Jack: Um, it's just Jack. Andie: So shall we? Joey: to Dawson Let's go. Dawson: Ready? Joey: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to people dancing. timelapse. more dancing. Joey and Dawson are dancing and Dawson dips Joey and they smile and laugh. Jack and Andie are dancing and Andie waves Pacey to come dance and he shakes his head no. Cut to Abby walking towards Jen. Abby: So. You decided to slum it after all. Jen: Hey Abby. Abby: I have to tell you, I love your dress. In fact, I have the same one...in a smaller size. Cut to Joey and Dawson dancing. Joey bumps into Jack Joey: Sorry. Jack: My fault. slow song comes on Dawson: Ah, more my speed. Cut to Andie getting Jen Andie: Jen, I have an idea. Why don't you dance with my brother Jack? Jen: Hi Brother Jack. Jack: It's actually just plain Jack...plain Jack. Jen: Oh, well let me ask you something just plain Jack. Do you get the feeling we're being set up here? Jack looks over and Andie and Pacey. Andie waves enthusiastically. Jack: Yeah. What makes you say that? Cut to Pacey and Andie Andie: Yeah, she's cute. Pacey: She's cute...he's cute..they've never met before, they're completely opposites and it's going to get ugly in about 20 minutes. Andie: Nu-uh. Pacey: Uh-huh. Cut back to Dawson and Joey dancing Dawson: So my dad drove off leaving my mom crying over the kitchen sink. God, what I wouldn't give now for them to go back to their coffee table sx antics. Joey: I'm sorry, Dawson. Dawson: You know, I'm just going to let them work out their adolescent traumas on their own. Steer clear, but there is a bright side. Joey: What's that? Dawson: The coffee table's now available. Cut to Jack and Jen dancing. Dawson is watching while he dances* Dawson: Well, well, well. I dare say they like each other. Joey: Jack and Jen? Dawson: Mm-hm. Andie and I played matchmaker tonight. Joey: Why would you do that Dawson? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Dawson: They both need to meet new people. They're both single. Joey: Yeah, but Jack is this nice, sweet guy and Jen is this baracuda. It would never work. Dawson: Why are you getting so worked up about this? Joey: I'm not worked up, I just have an opinion that's all. Dawson: Well, alert the media. They kiss Cut to Pacey and Andie Andie: Come on, Pacey, what do you say? Wanna dance? Pacey: I told you McPhee. I don't dance. Andie: I don't believe you. I think you're holding out on me in some power move to keep control in this relationship. Pacey: What relationship? Andie: Ha ha. Come on, please, just a slow dance. Pacey: I told you, McPhee. I don't dance. This includes dances of all speeds, all types, and all cultures, including, but not limited to, fast dances, slow dances, and whatever Patrick Swayze was doing in Dirty Dancing. Andie: You know, Pacey, you can be so stubborn sometimes. Fine. If you don't want to dance with me, I'll just find someone who will. Pacey: Don't hurt the poor guy, would ya? Pacey watches Kristy Livingstone dance with Brett. Cut to a slow song. Andie walks up to Jack and Jen. Andie: Okay, time to switch partners. Jen: Actually, um, I think I'm going to go outside and get some air, but thanks for the dance, Jack. Jack: Sure anytime Jen. Andie: she takes Jack over to Dawson and Joey Okay, Dawson, guess it's just you and me because I do not intend to spend the entire evening dancing with my brother, so Jack, sweep your boss off her feet. Andie and Dawson start dancing and Joey just stands there. It's awkward Jack: So..uh..it's..he puts his hands on her waist and she still just stands there Jack: Look, Joey, I know you've been avoiding me. Joey: I haven't been avoiding you Jack! Jack: No, it's, I want you to know I take full responsibility. Joey: Full responsibility? Jack: For kissing you. I crossed the line. Joey: Yeah, you did, Jack. Because I have a boyfriend and you know that. And now because of kissing you, I feel guilty over nothing. In fact, I don't even think we should be having this conversation. She walks off and Dawson watches her and Jack follows Cut to the hall. Joey is leaning against a wall. Jack comes out Joey: Did I mention that you weren't supposed to follow me? Jack: I just want to apoligize. Joey: Okay, you apoligized. Noted. Jack: Wait, what are you so angry about? Joey: Why am I so angry? Because you didn't respect me or my relationship.What you did was so rude and inappropriate. Jack: No, no, I think there's something else going on here. Joey: What? Jack: It's all this anger you're expressing. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't add up. Joey: What are you talking about? Jack: I don't think you're angry at me for kissing you. I think you're angry at yourself for kissing me back. Jack turns to walk away and Dawson is standing there with an angered expression. Joey notices and her face falls. She runs to the bathroom Cut to the dance room. Abby is dancing with Brett Abby: You know what I admire most about you, Brett? That you work each of your muscle groups equally. Cut to Jen and Andie Jen: Um, I wanted to thank you for inviting me tonight. I actually had a surprisingly good time. Andie: Why are you talking in past tense I mean the party's still going. Jen: I think it's about over for me. If you don't mind, I think I'm going to head home. Andie: Mind? Of course, I mind. We were just in the middle of a very interesting conversation sharing and getting to know each other and now you want to leave, just like that? Jack walks up Jack: I think I'm going to take off. Andie: Perfect! You can walk Jen home. Jack: Yeah. You wanna go? Dawson comes up. Dawson: Jack, what the hell happened? Jack: Look you really need to talk to Joey about this. Dawson: Yeah, I'm asking you. Jack: Look, it was a weird night. The moon was full. It just happened. Dawson: You kissed my girlfriend. Jack: Yeah, I did. I'm not going to apoligize for it, man, cause truth is, I'd do it again so let's just not make this into a high school romp alright? 'Cause neither of us are the type. Dawson slugs Jack Andie: Oh my God! Jen: Dawson, what are you doing?! Dawson walks off Abby: Nice punch, champ. I never knew he had so much testosterone. Cut to Pacey walking out of the men's restroom and he sees Kristy standing in the hallway. Pacey: Uh...hey Kristy! What are you doing out here all by yourself? Kristy: Thinking, you know. Pacey: About what? Kristy: The usual. Why my boyfriend will flirt with anything in a short skirt and why his self esteem won't stop him. Pacey: Well, if you need a boost you came to the right place. I know about 800 guys who would line up to replace Brett if he exited the picture. And that's just in this school. If you added the neighboring school districts we could probably triple that number. Kristy: Right.. Pacey: Are you joking? Look, I may not hang out with the beautiful people of Capeside but I like to think that I have the finger on a pulse of the common man and, believe me, that pulse quickens considerably when you walk by. Kristy: You're embarressing me, Pacey. Pacey: I'm sorry. I just, I thought you should know. Well, have a good night Kristy. Kristy: Pacey? Pacey: Yeah? Kristy: Are you one of them? Pacey: Excuse me? Kristy: I was just wondering if you were one of those quick pulses. Pacey: Yeah. Of course I am. I think you're incredible Kristy. You already know that. Kristy: You know, as lame as school dances can be, there's always that one moment that seems to make it worth while. So, what do you say Pacey? Will you dance with me? Pacey: Yeah. They start dancing. Cut to Mitch in his hotel room staring at the phone. Gail in the Leery house sitting there. The phone rings Gail: Hello? Hello? Mitch: Would you believe that I now have access to the Home Shopping Network 24 hours a day? Gail: laughs Hi. Mitch: How are ya? Gail: We have a big house. I never realized just how big our house was until tonight. I, um, I can still call it our house, can't I? Mitch: Yes. It is our house. Gail: I don't know, Mitch. I don't know if I can do this. Mitch: Yes you can because you have to Gail: But why? Why do I have to? Mitch: Because no matter how big our house is, right now it's far too small for the two of us. Gail: Well, just remember, Mitch. The door to this house is always open. Mitch: I will. Have a good night, Gail. Gail: Bye. They hung up. Cut to Andie, Jack, and Jen Andie: Are you guys going to get home okay? Jack: Yeah, we'll be fine. Nice work on the punch. Andie: Yeah, I see. Well, you better get out of here in case he wants a rematch. They start to walk off Jack: Hey, um, I'm sorry. Andie: to Jen You take care of him, okay? Jen: 'Kay. Bye. Andie sees Pacey dancing with Kristy and she runs off as Pacey sees her Cut to Dawson exiting the school and Joey sits on the steps and follows him Joey: Dawson...Dawson! Where are you going? Dawson: Home. Joey: No, look, I want to talk about this. Dawson: First you run away and now you want to talk. Joey: No, about the kiss. Dawson: I know all about the kiss. Joey: No you don't! Dawson: Joey, you kissed somebody else! What is there to know? Joey: It wasn't like th-- he kissed me and I just didn't... Dawson: Stop him. Joey: Look, Dawson, I'm sorry, okay? It was a mistake. A poor error in judgement and that's it. And for you to blow this into some earth shattering scene of cinematic proportions-- Dawson: Now, wait a minute! You're not going to do that to me. Joey: Do what? Dawson: Use who I am against me to divert from the fact you screwed up. Joey: I said I was sorry what else do you want me to say? Dawson: There's nothing you can say, Joey! There's no justifiable reason for a girl who spent the last 15 years of her life pretending that I was the only thing she wanted ended up kissing some other guy and lying about it. Joey: I didn't lie to you Dawson. That kiss was not my doing. Dawson: Not your doing? Joey: Yeah! Dawson: What did you physically leave your body the moment your lips touched his? Joey: Don't do this. Don't punish me just to make yourself feel better. Dawson: So I'm the bad guy. Joey: Yeah, I guess you are. Dawson: You cheat on me and I'm the bad guy! Joey: Yes! Don't you get it? This isn't about some stupid kiss, Dawson! Dawson: It's about us. Joey: No! It's about me! For once, it's about me, Dawson, and that's what I've been trying to tell you! Dawson notices a group has gathered to listen to them bicker and he walks off leaving Joey Cut to Jen and Jack and Jen's house Jen: Well, this is my stop. Jack: Alright, um.. Jen: Oh my goodness, it's really starting to swell. Jack: Yeah, um, I made a scene when I should of just left things alone. Jen: You really like her, don't ya? Jack: What makes you say that? Jen: Well, I can't think of a guy who'd take a punch like that over a girl he doesn't even like. Jack: Well, maybe I have no chance, but I've always been sort of a sucker for lost causes so.. Jen: You're a romantic. There's nothing wrong with that. Jack: Romantic? That's like a nice word for loser. Jen laughs Jen: Ice...you should really get some ice on that. And I should.. Jack: Really go inside. Jen: Hey, you know, Jack, um, I had a really good time tonight and I think I've got you to thank for that. Jack: Why? I didn't do anything. Jen: No but when you were with me, you did a really good job of pretending you didn't want to be with somebody else. 'Night. Jack: Goodnight Jen. Jen: Jack? Jack: Yeah? Jen: Keep fighting for your lost causes. You never know when your luck might change. Cut to Mitch Leery pulling up in his car and looking through the window at Gail. He drives away. Cut to Andie on the dock. Pacey walks up Andie: I thought you didn't dance, Pacey. Pacey: You know, I've been looking for you. I've been looking everywhere for ya. Andie: You said you didn't dance, Pacey. Pacey: What? Did you see me out there? You can hardly call that dancing. Andie: You're right. I call it foreplay. But then again, we don't owe any explanations to each other, do we? We're just sparring partners right? We don't mean any more to each other than that. Pacey: That's not true. You know that's not true, Andie. I mean, I was having a wonderful time with you tonight. I was. It's just when I ran into Kristy, I just...I got swept up in the moment. Andie: Well, it's too bad I'm not the kind of girl who can sweep you away. Pacey: Come on, Andie, come on. You know that's not what I meant. It's just Kristy..she's like a fantasy. Don't tell me you've never wanted to act out a fantasy. Even if just for a moment. Andie: Yeah I was trying to act out a fantasy all night. Pacey: Why do you like me? Andie: What? Pacey: Why do you like me? I'm a screw up, Andie. I'm thoughtless. I'm insecure. And for the life of me, I can not understand why I woman like you would bother to care about me. Andie: God, I don't know, Pacey, because you're funny and you're kind and you don't judge people. You make me feel good about myself. I mean, you didn't run screaming from the house the other day when you met my crazy ol' mother. And you're smart. I mean, I don't know where you get this whole loser complex because you are so smart. And you spar better with me than anyone. And you're sharp, and you're witty, and you're brilliant. And this is more than you deserve right now. Pacey: I know, I know. Andie, I know. I'm really, truly sorry. I am. I'm sorrier than I've been in a long time. The moment that I spent with Kristy, the moment that's going to make the whole night worth while, I was with the wrong person. I want to spend that moment with you. Andie: Well, we're certainly having one now, aren't we? Pacey: Would you please dance with me Miss McPhee? Andie: I'd love to. They start dancing Pacey: Sharp, witty, and brilliant, huh? Anything you care to add to that? Andie: If you think I find this charming, Pacey, you're majorly deluded. Pacey: Of course not, how could you? I'm a witless boar. Andie: Oafish clod. Pacey: Major cat. Kiss me? Andie: Thought you'd never ask. They kiss Cut to Dawson's room. He enters and Joey's sitting there and she's obviously been crying Dawson: Joey.. Joey: Dawson, I am so sorry. Dawson: What happened Joey? Joey: I told you, Jack kissed me and-- Dawson: No, not Jack. This is not about Jack. About us. What is going on between us? Joey: I don't know, Dawson. Dawson: Ever since we got together I feel like you've been pulling away from me. I thought this was what you wanted, you know? I thought I was what you wanted. Joey: You are. Dawson: Am I? Joey: You're what I'm going to want, Dawson. Dawson: What does that mean? Joey: For so long, all I've thought about was you. All I dreamed about was you. Dawson: What happened? Joey: I got my dream and now I feel like I don't have anything else. I mean, you have your future so perfectly planned, Dawson, you know exactly what you want to do, what you want to accomplish, and I don't even know who I am, let alone who I want to be or accomplish and I need to figure that out. I need to find my something. Dawson: So go find it. Joey: It can't include you, Dawson. It has to be my doing, and mine alone. You make me so happy, you know? But I have to make myself happy first. That's probably the one thing in this whole world that you can't do for me. Dawson: So what are you saying? Joey gets up and heads towards the window. Dawson gets up confused Dawson: Joey? Joey, no, Joey! I..I love you. Joey turns around. She walks back towards him Joey: I love you, too, Dawson. They start to lean in to kiss but Joey stops herself and turns back towards the window Dawson: Wait, b-b-but how can it be over? We can't just say I love you for the first time and have it be over! Joey: I have to go, Dawson. Goodnight. Joey climbs out the window and leans up against the house with her eyes closed. Dawson is mad and he flings stuff in his room and then he climbs out the window and watches Joey run away towards her house. He kicks the ladder down in anger.
doc_279	[ The cafeteria ] Leonard: Oh, hey, oh, we ran into your mom at Benihana last night. Howard: Oh, yeah, she loves that place. Every time they flip a shrimp in the air, she practically leaps out of her seat to catch it. That's why I don't take her to SeaWorld. Leonard: I know you-you don't want to hear it, but she was there with Stuart. Howard: That's fine. I don't care. Raj: It doesn't bug you when they go out on dates? Howard: They're not dating. They're just two friends who went out to dinner. Raj: And then went back to the home they share where they probably fell asleep in the matching pajamas she got them because they both just love penguins. Howard: Hey, lots of people wear matching pajamas who aren't dating. Raj: Like who? Howard: Like you and your dog. Leonard: Don't rule out the dating. Howard: Fine, it bothers me. You happy? Sheldon: You think you've got problems. The gibbon is the only member of the ape family not classified as a great ape. Howard: How is this helpful? Sheldon: All the non-human apes are classified as great apes except one. That means taxonomists created the entire category of lesser ape just to single out the poor gibbon as the weird kid on the playground. Now there's a hairy little fellow with a genuine beef. Leonard: But the gibbon doesn't know what it's categorized as. It doesn't even know it's called a gibbon. Sheldon: True. Sorry, kid, you've got it worse than a gibbon. [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ We built the Wall ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Bang! ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's Apartment ] Amy: Hi. Penny: Hey. Bernadette: We brought snacks for movie night. Penny: Oh, great. I don't suppose you also brought napkins, clean bowls, utensils and a roll of toilet paper. Bernadette: Right here. Penny: Ah, You guys are the best. Amy: What's with the clothes? Penny: Well, with all the new stuff I bought for work, I needed to make room in my closet. Amy: I meant why are they folded? But whatever. Ooh, what's this? Penny: That, believe it or not, is my prom dress. Bernadette: Wow, you still have it? I just assumed it was balled up in the corner of a barn somewhere. Penny: What kind of teenager did you think I was? Bernadette: Slutty. Amy: Easy. Penny: The word is popular. Bernadette: How was your prom? Did you go? Amy: No, but I was on clean-up crew. Penny: Aw, that's sad. Amy: No, it was okay. The DJ let me dance one slow song with my mop before he shut down. Whenever I see a bucket of dirty water, I still hear Lady in Red. Bernadette: My prom was pretty terrible, too. I was so excited about my date, but it turned out he only asked me 'cause he liked my friend. He spent the whole night talking about her. Amy: Okay, we get it, you had a friend and a date. Stop bragging. Penny: Doesn't matter. Prom is silly anyways. Bernadette: Easy for you to say; you probably went with the captain of the football team. Penny: No. I just made out with him a little while his date was puking. Amy: My date would've had to clean that up. Bernadette: Ooh, I have an idea. Maybe we can have, like, a prom do-over. Amy: Oh, that would be so much fun. We could decorate the roof and make the guys wear tuxedos. Bernadette: Ooh, and get our hair done, and slow-dance. Penny: Okay, guys, trust me, as someone who's been to, like, seven proms, it is never as good as you want it to be. Amy: You went to seven proms? Penny: Yeah, let's see. Uh, four Under the Seas, two Enchanted Evenings, and one Night to Remember that I cannot remember for the life of me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The apartment ] Howard: Hey. Raj: Hey. Leonard: Hey, where's Bernadette? Howard: She and Amy are out dress shopping for their prom thing. Raj: Oh, yeah, I got that Evite. Ever since I saw Pretty in Pink, I've wanted to go to an American prom. But then I saw Carrie, and I did not want to go to an American prom. But then I saw Never Been Kissed, and I'm back on the prom bandwagon. This prom thing's been a real roller coaster. Howard: Bernie's really excited. I could tell because her voice got so high, the beagle next door started howling. Raj: Did you go to your prom? Sheldon: No. I had a date with a proper education. Instead of a tuxedo, I dressed myself in good habits. Instead of spiked punch, I enjoyed the intoxicating flavour of knowledge. Instead of dancing in a gym, I shook my bootyto the seductive rhythms... Penny: Okay, okay. Shldon: ...of AP Calculus. Raj: How come you're not shopping with Amy and Bernadette? Leonard: Let me guess, you think the whole idea is lame? Penny: Well, who cares what I think? What do you think? Leonard: Hmm, to be honest, it's kind of a dream come true to go to even a fake prom with a woman as beautiful as you. Penny: Ugh, thanks a lot. Leonard: What? Penny: Well, now I can't blow this thing off without being a bitch. Raj: That sounds like a yes. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Howard and Bernadette's apartment ] Bernadette: Ooh, every single person RSVP'd yes. This is so exciting. Isn't this exciting? Howard: Yep. Bernadette: Look, even Stuart's bringing a date. I wonder who it is. Howard: You know exactly who it is. He's gonna bring my mom. Why did you even invite him? Bernadette: Because he's our friend, and you two need to get along. And why can't he take your mom? You took her to your prom. Howard: I didn't take her, she was a chaperone. Bernadette: I saw a picture of you two dancing together. Howard: What was I gonna do? They were playing our song. I can't take this anymore. Stuart (on phone): Hello. Howard: Stuart, we have to talk. This thing with you and my mom, I hate it. It's making me crazy. You and I were friends for years, and now you're bringing my mother to a party I'm going to? What the hell? Stuart: I'm not bringing your mother, I have a date. Howard: Oh, so now you're cheating on my mother? Stuart: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you talking about? There's nothing weird going on with me and your mother. Mrs Wolowitz (O.C.): Stewie, your bath is getting cold! Stuart: I got to go, bye. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's apartment ] Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny? (Knock, knock, knock) Penny? (Knock, knock, knock) Penny? (Knock, knock, knock) Penny? (Knock, knock, knock) Penny? Penny: You knocked more than usual. Sheldon: Next time I might be in a rush, it's good to have a few in the bank. Penny: Okay, what's up? Sheldon: I'd like to discuss this party that Amy and Bernadette are throwing. Since you and I are both reluctant to go, I think I've come up with a perfect way for us to enjoy it. Penny: Great, how? Sheldon: We pretend we're aliens. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I'm gonna say that you love it and want to hear more. Now, in the beloved novel Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, an alien named Ford Prefect pretended to be human in order to blend in so that he could write an entry about Earth for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which is a travel book within the actual book, which is also called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Penny: Okay, just one question. What? Sheldon: My point is, pretending to be an alien is a valuable coping mechanism I've used many times. I did it the first time I went to see you in a play. You had no idea Commander Umfrumf of Ceti Alpha Three was in the audience. Oh, don't worry, he gave you seven thumbs up. Penny: Here's a question, as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy? Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals? Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always. Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it. Penny: You're kidding. Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges. If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The apartment ] Leonard: You know, if you're not gonna learn how to do this, they make some pretty good clip-ons. Sheldon: Bruce Wayne doesn't wear a clip-on. Leonard: Bruce Wayne doesn't make his roommate tie it for him. Sheldon: His name is Alfred, and, yes, he does. Leonard: There, perfect. Sheldon: What, are you sure? It's my first prom, I want to do it correctly. Leonard: I thought you were gonna pretend to be an alien. Sheldon: I was, but Penny didn't want to. You didn't want to. Bernadette, Amy, Koothrappali and Wolowitz didn't want to. And even I knew it was weird to hire somebody. Leonard: Was that a flask? Sheldon: Yes. I've decided to embrace all of the traditions associated with prom, including spiking the punch. Leonard: You're gonna put alcohol in the punch? Sheldon: Oh, no, this is pomegranate juice. It's all the fun of high school high jinks with the cell-protecting zip of antioxidants. Leonard: If you had ripped jeans and a leather jacket, you'd be like the toughest kid on the Disney Channel. So, anything else planned for tonight? Sheldon: Oh, everything. Getting our picture taken, slow-dancing, being elected prom king. Pointing out that kings aren't elected. It's gonna be off the hook. Leonard: And while you're at it, I know that at this age your hormones are raging, but just because all your friends are having sx doesn't mean you have to. Sheldon: Why would you say that? Leonard: You know, 'cause, 'cause a lot of people lose their virginity on prom night. Sheldon: Penny implied the same thing. Is this true? Leonard: Just relax, it's a joke. You don't have hormones. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Penny's apartment ] Leonard: Wow, you look amazing. Penny: Thank you, so do you. Amy: Sheldon, you look so handsome. Sheldon: Thank you. Penny: Sheldon, doesn't Amy look hot? That's got to put some starch in the upper flermin. Amy: What's that? Leonard: Oh, it's a scaly genital organ that grows between his shoulder blades. Try not to touch it when you're dancing. Sheldon: Excuse me. Amy: Where are you going? Sheldon: I can't do this. And for your information, Leonard, the upper flermin doesn't grow between my shoulder blades, it grows out of the belly button on my neck. Leonard: He's right, I was thinking of the lower flermin. [SCENE_BREAK] [ A limo ] Raj: Ooh, I'll, uh, text Stuart, let him know we're close. Bernadette: That's a neat tattoo. Emily: Oh, thanks, it's Sally from Nightmare before Christmas. Bernadette: Aw, that movie's so cute. Howard: Do you like her because you both have red hair? Emily: Uh, a little, but more that she's covered in scars and can pull her own limbs off and sew them back on. Bernadette: I like Cinderella. Emily: Did you know, in the original book, the sisters cut off their toes with knives in order to fit in the glass slipper? Bernadette: I like Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo. Raj: Hey, here comes Stuart and his date. Emily: Oh, she's cute. Howard: Oh, my God. Bernadette: What? Howard: That's Jeanie. Bernadette: That's Jeanie? Emily: Who's Jeanie? Howard: Don't say it. Raj: That's Howard's cousin that he had sx with. Howard: She is my second cousin. We were 15, I just said, don't say it. Emily: No, it's okay. He told me that story a long time ago. Howard: Raj. Raj: It was our first date, there was an awkward silence. What was I supposed to say? [SCENE_BREAK] [ The rooftop ] Penny: Oh, it's beautiful. Leonard: Oh, the girls really did a nice job. Penny: Aw, I know I wasn't into this before, but I'm so glad I get to take you to your first prom. Leonard: What makes you think I didn't go to my prom? I went. Penny: Well, who'd you go with? Leonard: I took a little lady I like to call loneliness. Penny: Aw. Leonard: Oh, it's all right. We ended up having a threesome with her friend humiliation, so... Penny: Well, if I would have been there and saw you alone, I would've asked you to dance. Leonard: No, you wouldn't have. Penny: Well, you don't know that. Leonard: It was before my growth spurt. Penny: What, that already happened? Leonard: Very funny. Penny: Well, you wouldn't have asked me either. Leonard: I would have asked you. In my head. On the way home. While I was having a good cry. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Sheldon's bedroom ] Amy: Sheldon, can I come in? Sheldon: I don't think that's a good idea. Amy: Why not? Sheldon: According to an online message board, I may be having a panic attack. SoccerMom09 had similar symptoms. But to be fair, the twins were a real handful that day. Amy: You're making me worry. What's going on? Sheldon: What's going on is we're about to go to a prom. And there's a great deal of pressure on young couples like us to engage in what Mr. Bob Eubanks called making whoopee. Amy: What pressure? All I said was you look handsome. Can you please open the door? Sheldon: It's not just that. Leonard and Penny also made comments about it. And I'm not blind. Even I looked twice when I saw my posterior in these tuxedo pants. Sceme: The limo. Stuart: So, I met Jeanie at your Aunt Gladys'. She passed me the Manischewitz, I took one look at this punim, and I almost plotzed on the kugel. Rajj: Is this what I sound like when I talk about India? Howard: So, my mother's okay with this? Jeannie: Why would your mother have a problem with me and Stuart? Howard: 'Cause they have a weird, inappropriate relationship. Jeannie: Weirder than what you and I did in my dad's Corolla? Raj: This is so messed up. Emily: I know, I'm having the best time. Howard: Why would you even come to this? Didn't you know I'd be here? Jeannie: It was a long time ago, Howard. Stuart: And you're only second cousins, who cares? Bernadette: So, you knew and you brought her anyway? Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard, but not for me? Howard: Yeah. Bernadette: Yeah, go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf. Howard: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The rooftop ] Penny: Well, I might not have asked you to dance then, but I will ask you now. Leonard: There's no music. Penny: I don't care. We'll make our own music. Leonard: My God, who's the dork now? Thank you for wearing your flats. Penny: Thank you for wearing your heels. Leonard: Look at me. Dancing with the prettiest girl at the prom. Penny: Want to take a picture of us and send it to your old friends in the chess club? Leonard: I sent them a bikini shot of you years ago. This is nice. I kind of wish no one else was coming. Penny: I know, me, too. But it will be fun to have a prom without all the drama. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The limo ] Bernadette: Howie, get off of him. Howard: Not until he stops humping his way up my family tree. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Sheldon's bedrooom ] Amy: Sheldon, this is silly. I'm not missing another prom. I'm going upstairs now. Good-bye. Sheldon: I really did think you looked pretty. Amy: You did? Sheldon: Yes. So much so that I started to panic. Amy: Well, you can relax. Just because you think I look pretty doesn't mean we have to spend the night together. Sheldon: Were you hoping we would because it's prom? Amy: I'm always hoping. But tonight I just wanted to have a nice time with you. And maybe dance with someone who has arms. Sheldon: Thank you for understanding. Amy: Of course I understand. Sheldon, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just, I want you to know that you don't have to say it back. I know you're not ready, and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates... Sheldon: I love you, too. Amy: You said it. Sheldon: There's no denying I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite. But that seems even more farfetched. The only conclusion was love. I know what's happening. This is a panic attack. SoccerMom09 says to lie down with your feet elevated. Amy: Okay. Sheldon: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just because I love you doesn't mean girls are allowed in my room. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The rooftop ] Raj: Okay. Here we go... Say "Cheese"! Say "Cheese"! Say "Cousin"! Say... Stuart: Oh, sorry. Hang on, sorry. (On phone) Hey, Debbie. I, yeah, yeah, I'm here with Jeanie. Okay, but we're just friends. It's, yeah. I got to go.
doc_280	Scene: The lobby. Penny: Oh, damn, they cancelled my Visa. Oh, yay, a new MasterCard! Sheldon: Uh-oh. Penny: What? Sheldon: I was going to get my mail. Penny: Okay. Are, are you hoping to get it telepathically? Sheldon: I think you mean telekinetically. And no, I just wasn't sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus. Penny: God, can we please just say no longer seeing each other? Sheldon: Well, we could if it were true. But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time. The variable which has changed is the coitus. Penny: Okay, here's the protocol, you and I are still friends, and you stop saying coitus. Sheldon: Good, good. I'm glad we're still friends. Penny: Really? Sheldon: Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain. Penny: Right. Sheldon: Just to be clear do I have to stop saying coitus with everyone or just you? Penny: Everyone. Sheldon: Harsh terms. But all right, I'll just substitute intercourse. Penny: Great. Sheldon: Or fornication. Yeah. But that has judgmental overtones, so I'll hold that in reserve. Penny: So, how you been? Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period. Penny: You're just coitusing with me, aren't you? Sheldon: Bazinga. Penny: Mmm. How's Leonard doing? Sheldon: He seems all right. Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time looking at photographs of you and smelling the pillow you slept on. Oh, but now that I think of it, he asked me not to tell you that. Penny: I'll pretend I didn't hear it. Sheldon: I'd rather you pretend I didn't say it. I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghetti sauce. Penny: Yep. Sheldon: That's the sauce my mother uses. She likes cooking Italian because according to her, that's what the Romans made Jesus eat. Penny: Interesting. I'll have to have you over for spaghetti some night. Sheldon: I'm hungry now. Penny: Oh. Um, okay. Why don't you give me an hour and come over? Sheldon: Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce? Penny: I don't have hot dogs. Sheldon: Oh, it's all right, I do. Oh! You're in for what my mother calls a real Eye-talian treat. (Enters apartment). Leonard: Hey, where you been? Sheldon: I was talking with Penny. Howard: What's wrong with you? You can't hang out with your roommate's ex. That's totally uncool. Leonard: No, no, it's fine. I don't care. I'm over it. Raj: Yeah, he's over it, that's why he's been whining all day about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black. Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil. Howard: So would Ben Affleck. The point is, in a situation like this you got to pick sides. You're either on Team Leonard or Team Penny. Sheldon: Which one picks last? Howard: What? Sheldon: Well, usually I'm on the team that picks last. Unless there's a kid in a wheelchair. Leonard: Sheldon, I got you your tangerine chicken. I hope you're hungry. Sheldon: Well, of course I'm hungry. And as I have no plans to eat with any other team, I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto. Mm, mm, mm! Leonard: Okay. Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, do we still have hot dogs? Leonard: I don't know. Why? Sheldon: Just making dinner conversation. Go, Team Leonard! Credits sequence Scene: A few moments later. Howard: Oh, God, this is good. Raj: Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you're going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork? Howard: Jews don't have hell. We have acid reflux. Leonard: Do you want the last dumpling, Sheldon? Sheldon: Certainly. It's not like I have to moderate my food intake because I'm planning on eating again very shortly. Mm, mm, mm! Leonard: So, you guys want to do something tonight? Howard: Nah, I can't. I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class. 18 overweight women flapping their arm fat in a swimming pool. Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World. Leonard: What about you, Raj? Raj: Oh, there it is, now that you don't have a girlfriend, you want to hang out with me again. Leonard: I never stopped hanging out with you. Raj: Oh, please, we all know I'm the friend you call when you have no other options. If we were the Justice League, I'd be Aquaman. Howard: I wish you were Aquaman. Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank. Sheldon: Excuse me, I'm thirsty, so I'm going to go to the refrigerator and get myself a refreshing beverage. Leonard: You know what? I'll just spend the evening alone. Raj: What, suddenly I'm not good enough for you? Sheldon: Ah, I do so love beverages. Now I think I'll take my after-dinner walk. Leonard: Since when do you take after-dinner walks? Howard: Yeah, since when do you take walks? Sheldon: I read a study online that walking after a meal not only aids in digestion, but increases serotonin, and you know me, if there's one thing I like more than a refreshing beverage, it's serotonin. Bye-bye. Howard: Hold on. I'll walk down with you. Sheldon: Oh, that's not necessary. You can go first. Howard: Or we could go together. Sheldon: I can't think of a reason why not. Howard: Let's go. Sheldon: Hold on. Nope, no reason. Raj: I've missed you. Scene: The lobby. Sheldon: All right, say hello to your mother for me. Howard: Okay. Sheldon: What? Howard: You said you were going for a walk. Sheldon: I didn't say outside. Howard: So what, you're just gonna walk up and down the stairs? Sheldon: No, of course not. That would be odd and suspicious behavior. Woman's voice: Here Bubbles. Here boy. Howard: Which way are you going? Sheldon: Which way are you going? Howard: I parked my scooter down the block. Sheldon: I'm going the other way. Bye. Howard: Bye. Actually, I'm this way. Do I smell hot dogs? Sheldon: No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell. Howard: I definitely smell raw hot dog. Sheldon: Perhaps you're getting a brain tumour. Howard: All right, have a nice walk. Sheldon: I shall. Have a nice scoot. Howard: You might want to stand back. I'm sitting on top of 13 horses here. Sheldon: Oh. Hello, doggie. Nice doggie. I bet you think you smell hot dogs. Look, a cat! Scene: Penny's apartment. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Long pause, knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Penny opens door. A dishevelled Sheldon is holding up one hot dog.) Here. I had to trade the others for my life. Scene: The apartment. Raj: Hey, Leonard? Leonard: Yeah? Raj: I haven't had sx in a year. Leonard: Where you going with this, Raj? Raj: Don't flatter yourself, dude. I want to go out and meet a woman. Leonard: So, go. Raj: Well, I need a wingman. I don't want to come off like a lonely loser. Leonard: And you think my presence will help with that? Raj: Well, I do. Next to you, I'll look like a catch. Leonard: I'm not going out tonight, Raj. Raj: All right. Would you mind if I went to your room and downloaded some Asian pornography? Leonard: Very much. Raj: Doesn't have to be Asian. Leonard: Don't worry. You'll meet a girl someday. Raj: No, I won't. Leonard: Yes, you will, and she'll be beautiful, and kind and sexy and funny and everything you ever wanted in a woman. Raj: You really think so? Leonard: I do, and you'll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart. And she'll take it and grind it into pathetic, little pieces. Raj: But we'll have sx first, right? Scene: Penny's apartment. Sheldon: Mmm, mmm, mmm. That's Eye-talian. Penny: So, um, was Leonard okay with you coming over? Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, he said, I'm fine, I don't care. And he in no way said it in a manner which would lead one to believe that he was covering up feelings of anguish and betrayal. Penny: Well, good. Sheldon: I'm also pleased to report that he's all cried out over you. Penny: He's been crying? Sheldon: Oh, I believe that was something else I wasn't supposed to mention. Penny: Oh, God, I feel terrible. Sheldon: Do you have a stomach ache, too? Penny: No. Why, do you? Sheldon: No. Penny: Why did you ask if I had one, too? Sheldon: Just making polite dinner conversation. Your turn. Penny: All right. So, what's new in your life? Sheldon: Well, my new shoes are not made for running. Penny: Have you been running? Sheldon: No. It's just a suspicion I have. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Penny: I'm so glad you like it. Sheldon: I do. Leonard never cooks for me. Penny: Well, maybe that's 'cause Leonard can't cook. Sheldon: You can't cook and you made me this. Penny: Whatever. Ooh, I'm gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge. Sheldon: Oh, Lord, I'm in Jewish hell. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment. Raj: Look at this. Do you think she's really doing that or is it PhotoShop? Leonard: I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked with a room full of big, fat Japanese guys. Raj: You don't know that. Prison changes people. Leonard: Hey, where you been? Sheldon: I told you, walking. Leonard: For an hour and a half? Sheldon: I got lost. Leonard: How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS. Sheldon: Satellites are down. Solar flares. Raj: There are no solar flares right now. Sheldon: Yes, there are. Raj: Dude, I'm an astrophysicist. If there were solar flares, I'd be all up in it. Sheldon: I'm sorry. I misspoke. What I meant to say was my battery died. Leonard: What the hell was that about? Raj: I don't know. Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah? Leonard: Oh, we really need to get you a girl. Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Leonard is asleep. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard. Leonard: Oh, just come in! Sheldon: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. Leonard: What do you want, Sheldon? Sheldon: Maybe this isn't a good time. Leonard: Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you. Sheldon: Do you really think death threats are an appropriate way to begin this conversation? Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me. Leonard: What do you want? Sheldon: You may want to sit down. Leonard: I'm in bed! Sheldon: Point taken. You may want to sit up. Leonard: Sheldon! Sheldon: I've been seeing Penny behind your back. Leonard: Okay, when you say seeing Penny, what exactly does that mean? Sheldon: We had dinner last night. She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it. Well, little hot dog. I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog. A real, big dog. A hell hound. Tangential to the primary story. How about I circle back to it? Leonard: Fine. Why did you have dinner with Penny? Sheldon: I told you, she made spaghetti with little hot dogs. I like spaghetti with little hot dogs. Leonard: Then why did you have Chinese food with us? Sheldon: I didn't want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money. Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before Hos? Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos. Leonard: Sheldon, I don't care if you want to be friends with Penny. Sheldon: Oh. Well, so the emotional turmoil that's been keeping me from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: Well then as my meemaw would say, looks like we butchered a pig, but nobody wanted bacon. Leonard: I guess not. Sheldon: And now, as promised, the tangent. Sheldon and the Hell Hound, or How I Lost My Hot Dogs. Scene: The laundry room. Penny: Oh, um, I, I can come back. Leonard: D-don't be silly. We're neighbours, we're going to run into each other, may as well get used to it. Penny: Yeah, I guess you're right. Leonard: You used to it yet? Penny: Nope. Leonard: Me neither. Oh, Sheldon seemed think that I would be upset about you hanging out with him. But I just want you to know it's fine. Penny: Oh, oh, good, because, um, his mother called me. Leonard: His mother? Penny: Yeah, she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels. Leonard: I was going to do that. Penny: Oh, well, then you, you do it. Leonard: No, I don't want to do it. You can do it. Penny: Okay, you can take him for shoes. Leonard: I just took him for shoes. Penny: Well, all I know is he says they hurt his feet. Leonard: Fine. I'll take him for shoes next Saturday. Penny: Oh, no, no, no, a bunch of us from work are going to Disneyland next Saturday and Sheldon wants to come. Leonard: You're taking him to Disneyland? Penny: Well, he heard me making plans on the phone. Was I going to say no? Leonard: All right. But let me know if you're going to stuff him with junk food. I don't want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste. Penny: We're going to Disneyland. He's going to eat junk food. Leonard: All I'm saying is give me a heads-up. Penny: Okay, whatever. Leonard: And don't let him go on Space Mountain after he eats. He'll say he can handle it, but I promise you'll end up with churro puke on your shoes. Penny: All right, got it. Is there anything else? Leonard: Yeah, don't let Goofy near him. He'll have nightmares and I'll have to deal with it. Penny: What's the problem with Goofy? Leonard: Wish I knew. He's fine with Pluto. Scene: The apartment. Raj: Hey, do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm? Howard: Well, that's it. We're officially out of things to talk about. Penny: We're home. Leonard: It's ten o'clock, where have you been? Sheldon: We stayed for the California Adventure water show. It was pure Disney magic. Leonard: I was going to see that with him. Penny: How was I supposed to know that? Sheldon: It's all right. I'll see it again with you. Leonard: And I have food here. You said you were going to call. Penny: I know, I know. Sheldon: I can still eat. Penny: No, you already threw up once. Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth. Sheldon: Okay, but just don't fight Leonard: We're not fighting. Penny: Just go. Leonard: Aren't you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneyland? Sheldon: Thank you, Penny. Penny: You're welcome, sweetie. Leonard: Want a cup of coffee? Penny: Oh, um, I should probably get going. Leonard: Come on. It's just a cup of coffee. Penny: Yep, okay. Howard (to Raj, who has whispered to him): Oh, yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me, too. Leonard: What am I smelling? Penny: Sheldon's churro on my shoes. Scene: Sheldon's bedroom. Penny: He's such an angel when he's asleep. Leonard: Yeah. Shame he has to wake up. Penny: I think we can do it. Leonard: Smother Sheldon in his sleep? Wouldn't that be wrong? Penny: No, be friends. You and me. Leonard: Oh. Sure. Absolutely. Penny: Good. I'm glad. Leonard: Here's an idea. I'm just throwing it out there, friends who have s*x. Penny: Good night, Leonard. Leonard: Kidding. Just a couple of friends goofin' around. Sheldon (in his sleep): No, Goofy, no.
doc_281	MUSIC IN: EXT. STREET - DAY (SFX: SIRENS B.G.) RICK: Let's move! Let's go! Get those BAs up. Pull a cord and a half! Let's get ready to roll! Davis, get those utilities turned off, quickly! Move it! DAVIS: (MUFFLED) I'm on it, Sir! RICK: (V.O./MUFFLED) We're in front. You start in back! FIRE FIGHTER: (V.O./MUFFLED) Come on, Scotty. You're with me. Let's move. (KNOCK ON DOOR) RICK: (SHOUTS) Fire department! Let's go. (SFX: DOOR BURSTS OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOUSE - DAY (SFX: FLAMES B.G.) (SFX: SMOKE ALARM BEEPING B.G.) RICK: (V.O./MUFFLED) You two spread out. Clear the bedrooms! I'll take the kitchen! FIREFIGHTER: (V.O.) We'll cover these down here!(SFX: FIREFIGHTERS VOICES B.G.) (SFX: RICK BREATHES HEAVILY B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KITCHEN - DAY RICK: (V.O./MUFFLED) Every damn time. False alarm, fellas. Just another overcooked bird. Or something. (ON CAMERA) Tough to tell after six hours in the - oh dear. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. COFFEE HOUSE - DAY (SFX: ESPRESSO COFFEE MACHINE B.G.) LANDON: Double Americano for Thom. (BEAT) Aren't you Thom? MCGEE: Yes, thank you. Sorry. LANDON: You must need that badly. Don't even recognize your own name. Medium mocha coming up. MCGEE: It's my other name. LANDON: Two names, huh? MCGEE: Well, two jobs. It's Thom when I'm writing. Not that I've actually written anything in weeks. LANDON: Writer's block? MCGEE: Creative stifling. I am crumbling under the pressure of expectations. LANDON: Oh, you're Thom E. Gemcity! Your photo's on the back cover! I loved Deep Six. MCGEE: Thanks... Landon. Thank you. LANDON: Can't wait to see what happens next. MCGEE: You and me both. Two weeks until my deadline. I'm stuck here in chapter seven. LANDON: Well, it could be worse. MCGEE: How's that? LANDON: It could be chapter six. Okay, we've got a half caf percent latte and a medium double decaf for Whitney.(SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) McGee. Yeah. (TO LANDON) The other job. LANDON: Good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOUSE - DAY TONY: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, a John Hughes masterpiece. Now there's a guy that didn't have time for writer's block, Probie. Sixteen Candles, Uncle Buck, The Breakfast Club. MCGEE: I do not have... I'm just struggling to find out the most efficient way to tell my next story. TONY: Now, do you think Hughes writes on a computer or does he use an old-fashioned typewriter, like you? MCGEE: Well, I'm sure he uses a computer, Tony. Most writers do. TONY: Did you ever consider converting? MCGEE: I don't think that's the reason for my ... TONY: Were you going to say... writer's block? MCGEE: I like my typewriter. TONY: But it doesn't like you. It's a classic tale of unrequited love between a boy and his machine. You can use that if you want. But remember, you've got to have a love story. I can see the poster already. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KITCHEN - DAY (SFX: CUPBOARD DOOR OPENS) ZIVA: The house is leased to Petty Officer Darren Cove. No roommates, but according to the neighbors, he is rarely alone. (DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: I can tell. He's got a fridge full of beer. No hard alcohol. ZIVA: Except for this. Ooh! If smells could kill, I think we just found our murder weapon. GIBBS: I'm more concerned with where they came from. ZIVA: Neighbors said this was a notorious party house. Maybe someone brought in the mixers. GIBBS: And they left with them, too. ZIVA: Seems like a lot of effort for a couple of drinks. Wasted effort. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY MCGEE: (V.O.) The blood starts at the ping-pong table. TONY: Beer pong. MCGEE: Huh? TONY: This is tragic. Don't tell me you've never played beer pong before, Probie? What did you do at MIT? MCGEE: Studied. TONY: That figures. Well, beer pong is a drinking game, the object of which is to take the ping pong ball and try to get it into the other team's cups. MCGEE: (BEAT) Show me how it's done. TONY: This is a crime scene, not a frat house. You hearing voices, Probie? MCGEE: I figured you saw Gibbs coming. TONY: I just don't think this is the time or the place to showcase my beer pong skills. (BEAT) What? MCGEE: It seems out of character. TONY: (LAUGHS) Yeah. Yeah. No, you may not use me to get over your writer's block. ZIVA: McGee has writer's block? MCGEE: No, McGee does not. ZIVA: Just do what you did last time. Write about us. MCGEE: Okay, I've told you guys a million times. The book is not about you. TONY: No, of course not. It's about Special Agent Tommy. ZIVA: And Officer Lisa. GIBBS: (V.O.) Dinozzo. TONY: And L.J. Tibbs. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. BEDROOM - DAY GIBBS: Get this. TONY: Looks like McGee wasn't the only writer here today GIBBS: Bag it. NOTE: ONE DOWN, TWO TO GO MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: Petty Officer Cove joined the Navy three years ago, right out of high school. His C.O. says he's a little immature, but basically a good kid. TONY: A good kid with a criminal record. Since enlisting, he's been arrested twice. Both misdemeanors. Public intox in oh-four, and a noise ordinance violation last July. MCGEE: He works to live, and lives to party. It's his C.O.'s words. TONY: Guys in his Command call him Darren "Diddy" Cove. GIBBS: Why? MCGEE: Uh, it's a reference to Sean "Diddy" Combs. TONY: The Puff Man. P-Diddy. Rap impresario. Went out with J-Lo. Petty Officer Cove was on duty yesterday. MCGEE: Left the base at eighteen hundred. Hasn't been seen since. TONY: And neither has his blue Ford Ranger. It should be in his garage, but it's not. MCGEE: Which means his attacker took it. GIBBS: Or Petty Officer Cove went for a drive. MCGEE: Well, with that amount of blood loss, it's doubtful he was conscious. GIBBS: If it was all his blood. TONY: Well, Abby'll tell us, because Cove's blood sample is in his medical records. ZIVA: (V.O.) Thank you. MCGEE: I'm going to go check the BOLO, see if he's got a hit on the pickup. ZIVA: That's not necessary, McGee. Norfolk Police just found it abandoned along Highway Five. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. RAVINE - DAY ZIVA: I've noticed oversized dice like these in numerous vehicles. Do they serve a purpose? Hello? Tony? TONY: What? ZIVA: Do they serve a purpose? TONY: Fuzzy dice? Pretty good redneck indicator. Other than that, no. They don't serve a purpose. We've got a lot more blood back here, Boss. Think this was used to cover the body? GIBBS: Yeah. Or bodies. (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Abs. I'm listening.(GIBBS WALKS O.S.) ZIVA: (LONG BEAT) McGee, you look like you've seen a goat. MCGEE: Huh? Oh, ghost. Seen a ghost. Yeah, do you know what déja vu is? ZIVA: Bien sur. My French is better than my English. MCGEE: Right. ZIVA: So? MCGEE: What? ZIVA: The déja vu? MCGEE: I can't place it. ZIVA: (LONG BEAT) By any chance, did you start dating someone, McGee? MCGEE: Dating? Please. I spend every spare minute I have writing. GIBBS: Hang on a second. McGee, get this towed back to lock-up. (INTO PHONE) Yeah. Go on, Abs. TONY: Abby's got something. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - NIGHT TONY: Watch out! It's Halloween at Coyote Ugly. Piper Perabo! ABBY: Oh, if you liked that one you're going to love this. It's... it's a Sciuto original. I like to call it "Bottoms Up." ZIVA: Oh! I had no idea you were a bartender, Abby. ABBY: Well, my Uncle Teddy used to own a bar on Canal Street. And I used to bartend on the weekends. GIBBS: The case, Abby. ABBY: Gibbs, you haven't even seen my famous "Fire Bomb!" It can wait. So I tested the blood that was in Petty Officer Cove's house. Most of it was his, but one sample did not match. ZIVA: It could have been from a prior accident or an altercation at one of his parties. TONY: Or it could be the killer's. ABBY: I also removed prints from our mystery cocktails. One half of our drinking duo was definitely Petty Officer Cove. GIBBS: The other half? ABBY: Well, it's a work in progress, Gibbs. GIBBS: Tell me you have more to this, Abby. ABBY: Have I ever let you down? Don't answer that. Um, I'm using my mass spectrometer to break down the molecular structure of the cocktails in question. TONY: Guessing that's where all these come in. ABBY: Well, you guess correctly. I think I've made over one hundred delightful beverages trying to find... the match. The weird thing is, this baby isn't in any bartending guide, anywhere. It's made out of Jagermeister... MCGEE: Cherry soda, vanilla vodka, lemon juice, and a plash of Tabasco. It's called a "Hairy Hangover." TONY: And you came to know this how, McGee? MCGEE: I created it. Our missing Petty Officer is a character in my next book. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: (READING) "Cameron Meyer is a good old boy from Northern Virginia. He was born with not much, raised with even less. All he wants out of life is a good girl and a great truck. As of yesterday, he's halfway there. He dropped his life savings on a blue Ford Ranger." TONY: That's it? MCGEE: Tony, it's all here. The fuzzy dice, the cinnamon rolls, red track jacket. Petty Officer Cove is Cameron Meyer. ZIVA: Uh, but how is that possible, McGee? MCGEE: My writing isn't entirely fiction, okay? My stories are...sometimes I base my characters on people I... TONY: Work with? MCGEE: See. People I see. GIBBS: You've seen Petty Officer Cove before? MCGEE: Every morning at my coffee shop. ZIVA: But how come you didn't recognize his photograph? MCGEE: He only uses the drive-thru. To me he's just the "large coffee, with the cinnamon roll" guy in a blue pickup truck. I never saw his face. TONY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Back up. Your coffee shop has a drive-thru? That's... that's not important. ZIVA: Just because you based your character on a person who is missing does not necessarily mean the two of them are related, McGee. GIBBS: Yeah, it does. You created the drink. MCGEE: Made it up about a month ago. GIBBS: How did two glasses of it get from your head to inside Petty Officer Cove's house? TONY: Someone's read your book. GIBBS: Are your papers under lock and key? MCGEE: Well, I sent my publisher a copy a couple weeks ago, but, you know, I'm sure she... GIBBS: Address. MCGEE: (BEAT) Um...Boss, there's more. After Deep Six hit stores, my publishing firm received a ton of emails addressed to Thom E. Gemcity. TONY: Tons? MCGEE: Most of them were autograph requests, or feedback on the novel. But in the last couple weeks, my publisher says that we've gotten some really weird letters. Borderline obsessive. I didn't say anything because I assumed they were harmless. GIBBS: Dinozzo, with me. McGee, you stay here with Ziva. Start going through your book. MCGEE: What exactly am I looking for? GIBBS: Answers, McGee! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. CRAWSHAW'S OFFICE - DAY RYDER: Miss Crawshaw will be with you shortly. TONY: Oh, you've got to be kidding me! RYDER: Is there anything else I can get you while you wait? TONY: Yeah. A barf bag. RYDER: I'm sorry? CRAWSHAW: Todd, black tea, lemon, crab salad, arugula. (TO GIBBS) You're Timothy's people. GIBBS: A few weeks ago, he sent you a draft of his next book. CRAWSHAW: Partial. It wasn't finished yet. TONY: Yeah, it still isn't, is it? GIBBS: How many of your people here have read the book? CRAWSHAW: Zero. No one in my agency has access to advance material without the writer's consent. GIBBS: Except you. CRAWSHAW: Writers are notoriously insecure. Soft, even. TONY: Well, that doesn't sound like our little Timmy McGee, now, does it? CRAWSHAW: Whether they ask for it or not, I provide coddling, prodding, protection. Anything it takes to keep those elusive muses singing.... Agent... GIBBS: Gibbs. CRAWSHAW: Here you go. Rock Hollow; The Continuing Adventures of L.J. Tibbs. How's this connected with your investigation? TONY: A person's missing. We believe it's related to the contents of that book. CRAWSHAW: Oh, I guess I just made myself your prime suspect. GIBBS: Sounds about right. CRAWSHAW: I may be the only one in the firm who's read it, Agent Gibbs, but I can guarantee you I'm not the only one in the city. TONY: McGee hasn't given the book to anyone else, Ms. Crawshaw. CRAWSHAW: Obsessed fans always find a way to get material early. They dig through trash, hack computers, anything short of writing it themselves. And believe me, Timothy has some of the craziest fans I've ever seen. GIBBS: Yeah, we know about the letters. CRAWSHAW: Yeah, there are three that stand out. Todd! Bring me those three... RYDER: Gemcity letters? CRAWSHAW: No return addresses. Each one's stranger than the last. I bet the psychopath you're looking for is somewhere in that envelope. TONY: What makes you think we're looking for a psychopath? CRAWSHAW: Don't you read crime novels? They are always psychopaths. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY LAB - DAY DUCKY: (READING) "I am sending this letter to express my gratitude for the literary gift you've given me. The majesty of your writing is far beyond anything this planet has ever seen." (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: A rave review. DUCKY: Rave indeed, Jethro. Yeah. In fact, it's quite possible that Michael is Timothy's greatest admirer. GIBBS: Admirer or stalker, Duck? DUCKY: At this point I'd say he is no immediate threat to himself or anyone else. GIBBS: At this point? DUCKY: Well, one does not become a predatory stalker overnight, Jethro. The mind typically goes through three stages. This letter, strange as it may seem, is only at stage one. The attraction stage. GIBBS: And the other two? DUCKY: Well, on the surface, this letter written by Andrew, would appear more normal. But phrases like "I breathe for your words," and "you need me," might suggest... GIBBS: .... otherwise. DUCKY: But because of that sense of desperation, I'd categorize that letter as stage two; obsession. GIBBS: What's stage three? DUCKY: Well, read for yourself. GIBBS: (READS) "I know you think of me often, just as I think of you. Please don't make me do something we'll both regret." DUCKY: Now that letter has an aggressive and threatening tone. For that reason, it falls into the final stage; destruction. GIBBS: Three letters. Three stages. DUCKY: I know what you're thinking, Jethro. That it's no coincidence. Although the letters may appear to be very different, the writing style is nearly identical in all three. GIBBS: The same person wrote all three? DUCKY: And judging by the postmarks, the letters were written and sent over a period of several weeks, during which time the writer became increasingly delusional. GIBBS: Motive? DUCKY: Oh, I can't say for certain. But I say the answers can be found in Timothy's new book. The writer believes that Timothy's fiction is very much real. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY AND ZIVA READ THE SCRIPT) MCGEE: Tony, about.... TONY: (PAUSE) Done. MCGEE: So? TONY: I'm confused. MCGEE: This isn't a critique, okay? We're trying to find something useful - confused by what? TONY: The plot, the back story. Pretty much everything. The whole thing doesn't make sense. MCGEE: Ziva, what about you? ZIVA: Um... not as confused as Tony. MCGEE: Well, I haven't finished it yet. It's just a rough draft. ZIVA: Very rough. I'm sorry, McGee. TONY: Who's the killer anyway? MCGEE: I don't know yet. TONY: There's your problem. I mean, you always have to know where your story is going. That's fiction writing one-oh-one. MCGEE: Not the way I choose to write, Tony. TONY: And he wonders why he has writer's block. MCGEE: Can we focus on the problem here? We've got a missing person, and our only lead is my book. ZIVA: Well, that's not much of a lead. TONY: She's right. We don't even know how the book factors in. GIBBS: (V.O.) We do now! (ON CAMERA) The letters were written by the same person. He thinks the book is real. ZIVA: And believes Petty Officer Cove is a part of it. GIBBS: It means we're going to have to go everywhere he's been. MCGEE: Well, we've already done that, though. His home, work, hangout spots. GIBBS: I'm not talking about Petty Officer Cove. I'm talking about your good-old-boy with the pickup truck, Cameron Meyer. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. HIGHSIDE CREEK - DAY ZIVA: High side Creek is where Cameron goes to clear his head. MCGEE: Well, thematically, this location is very important, Boss. TONY: You've been saying the same thing all morning, McGee. GIBBS: Spread out. TONY: Why would Cameron come to a picnic area to think? ZIVA: In his book it's not a picnic area, it's his favorite fishing hole. MCGEE: Thank you, Ziva. TONY: Don't you think it's kind of a cliché to have your character alone, staring into the serene wilderness? MCGEE: No. If it was, I wouldn't have written it, Tony. TONY: I mean, knowing Cameron, if he was bummed out, wouldn't he just go to the Wing Shack with some buddies and toss back a few brews? ZIVA: Or talk to a priest? Don't forget that he's very religious now that his father died. TONY: Good point! MCGEE: No, it isn't. Cameron keeps his emotions bottled up. When he's upset, he comes here. Afterwards, he always feels better. GIBBS: Not always. MCGEE: (PAUSE) That's him. That's Petty Officer Cove. ZIVA: Then who is this?! MCGEE: (LONG BEAT) That's Jerrod Brenner. That's another character from my book. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: EXT. HIGHSIDE CREEK - DAY DUCKY: Two bodies, both with nearly identical stab wounds in the chest and abdomen. It appears that Petty Officer Cove may have put up a bit of a struggle. Note the remnants of skin tissue and blood under the fingernails. Now, both men have been deceased for less than twenty-four hours. ZIVA: That is not all they have in common, Ducky. TONY: They're also both characters in McGeek's next book. DUCKY: Yes, from what I hear, Timothy, in your next novel, L.J. Tibbs has a love interest. Yes, I hear that it's an Army... MCGEE: Ducky, I don't think we need to talk about that... GIBBS: Army what, McGee? MCGEE: Uh...Lieutenant... Colonel.... Lieutenant Colonel... GIBBS: We got a murder weapon, Duck? DUCKY: Yes, well that's where things get interesting, Jethro. Both wounds are circular, about one inch in diameter. TONY AND ZIVA: (IN UNISON) Javelin. MCGEE: Chapter Four, my characters Cameron Meyer and Jared Brenner - they murder a convenience store clerk to cover up an extortion. TONY: Javelin. Believe it or not. DUCKY: DUCKY: That is for what they were originally intended, Anthony. A javelin is a modern day murder weapon. I applaud your creativity, McGee. Of course, well, given the circumstances... oh, dear. (CONT.) Now I'm going to have to read his new book. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Petty Officer Darren Cove and Adrian Corbette - the inspiration behind two of McGee's characters, Cameron Meyer and Jerrod Brenner. GIBBS: Any other connection? MCGEE: Not that we've found. Corbett worked as a valet at Alfonso's Steakhouse. TONY: Your favorite. MCGEE: That's how I got to know him. For my book, I borrowed his physical details - the nose ring, birthmark on the face and the neck. GIBBS: Where's his job? MCGEE: Valet at a steakhouse. But I did change the name of the restaurant. TONY: From Alphonso's to Alfredo's. You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out. GIBBS: The note from Petty Officer Cove's apartment. TONY: "One down, two to go," means the killer's not finished. GIBBS: How many more of your characters did you base on real people? (BEAT) Hey! How many? MCGEE: Just the team. You, Tony, Ziva, everyone. Are you happy, Tony? I finally admitted it. I based both my novels on your guys. GIBBS: That means we're all potential targets. MCGEE: Boss, I'm sorry! GIBBS: Ducky, Abby, Palmer... twenty-four hour security detail until we find this psycho. ZIVA: Twenty-seven javelins sold in the D.C. area in the past six months. Twenty-one were paid for by credit cards. All by track coaches and athletic directors. GIBBS: What about the last six? ZIVA: Cash transactions. (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: Yeah, Gibbs. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) I've got something for you, Gibbs. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I got it, Abs. We'll be right down. (TO TONY) Go! Go! (TO MCGEE) Not you. MCGEE: Two men are dead because of me, Boss. GIBBS: You got a javelin, McGee? MCGEE: No, but I own a typewriter. GIBBS: It's a typewriter. Not a shotgun. MCGEE: It caused two men their lives because I based my fictional book on real people. GIBBS: Then put these on. (SFX: HANDCUFFS CLATTER TO THE TABLE) GIBBS: You just confessed, right? MCGEE: Not exactly. GIBBS: There's no mid-ground, McGee. You either put on the cuffs, or you find who's responsible. MCGEE: How? GIBBS: This guy's inside your head. You get inside his. MCGEE: Boss, it's not that simple. I still don't even know what my story is! GIBBS: You figure it out, McGee! You write the ending to this, or the killer will! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT ZIVA: Well, McGee feels bad enough.(ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) TONY: Only makes it worse that he admitted it.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS SLIDE SHUT) ZIVA: It was no secret he was writing about us. TONY: Oh, come on. It's not about us. I mean, the whole part about Lisa and her broken heart? ZIVA: The memento she keeps from a relationship that never had a chance to happen? TONY: Yeah. Where's he getting that? Or the scene between Lisa and Tommy where they pour out their hearts to each other and spill their secrets? ZIVA: (CHUCKLES) When he tries to explain the profound nature of his identity crisis? TONY: Yeah. I mean, the hidden struggle between who he is and what he's becoming. I don't even know what that is. ZIVA: Yeah, totally unrealistic. TONY: Would never happen.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS SLIDE OPEN) TONY: What do you got, Abs? ABBY: Three hours sleep. My apartment flooded last night. Did you know that trying to flush voodoo dolls down the toilet is a bad idea? TONY: I do now. ABBY: Where's Gibbs? ZIVA: He's chomping out McGee. TONY: Chewing. ABBY: So a little birdie told me that both of you have read the first half of McGee's new book. TONY: A little birdie, huh? ABBY: And don't even ask, because I will not reveal my source even if you torture me. ZIVA: Ducky? ABBY: Yes! All right. Let's hear it. TONY: Hear what? ABBY: The book! At the end of Deep Six, Goth Forensic Specialist Amy Sutton, she broke up with her boyfriend because she was dating somebody else. Who's the somebody else? TONY: Oh, yeah. Um... yeah, that part didn't really come up, yet. ZIVA: Yeah, I think he's planning on revealing it uh... in, you know, the second part of the book. ABBY: You guys are so lying! (GASPS) He's gay! Ah, there's somebody else! I had a feeling, 'cause Amy always wants what Amy cannot have. Does she know? GIBBS: Know what? ABBY: Forensic Specialist Amy - she fell in love with a gay guy, Gibbs. GIBBS: Is that why I'm here? ABBY: No. GIBBS: Then Amy's on her own. ABBY: ABBY: (QUIETLY) We'll talk later. (TO GIBBS) Um, I ran the blood samples that we pulled off the two bodies. (CONT.) Petty Officer Cove had unidentified blood on his right forearm and hand - matched the blood from his house. ZIVA: Our killer's DNA. ABBY: I'm no investigator, but odds are you're right. GIBBS: That's good work, Abs. ABBY: I also checked Petty Officer Cove's Ford Ranger and Thom E. Gemcity's c-mail for prints. TONY: C-mail? ABBY: Yeah, it's like cookoo mail. No, no. I just made it up. Um... nothing on the truck. All the latent prints belonged to Petty Officer Cove. But on the c-mail, there's dozens of different prints. TONY: Well, that makes sense. 'Cause paper mail gets processed through post offices, delivery trucks, mail rooms. ABBY: Exactly. There's still one spot that only the sender touches. ZIVA: The back of the stamp. You pulled a print? ABBY: Not only did I pull a print, I already got a match. Todd Ryder. Arrested last year for possession of marijuana. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. AUTOPSY LAB - DAY (SFX: AUTOPSY DRAWERS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: Looking for something, Timothy?(SFX: DRAWERS SLIDE CLOSED) MCGEE: MCGEE: I'm just looking. Petty Officer Cove wasn't just a partier. I... called his elderly parents. He visited them two hours every single day. (CONT.) This guy, Adrian Corbett, he just got married. DUCKY: Yes. I took off his wedding ring. MCGEE: Not quite the notorious playboy I made him out to be. DUCKY: Appearances can be deceptive. MCGEE: Every single word I wrote was wrong. DUCKY: No, every word you wrote was fiction. That's why they call them characters. MCGEE: But they're not just characters in a book. They're real people, and real families. Were. DUCKY: I sympathize with the way you feel, Timothy. But you are not to blame for any of this.(SFX: AUTOPSY DRAWERS SLIDE SHUT) MCGEE: Tell them that. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDING - DAY TONY: Todd! TODD: Oh, god! Look out! TONY: What do you call that?(MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY AND GIBBS CHASE TODD) GIBBS: Running, I think.(SFX: TODD SHOUTS) TONY: Todd, hey! GIBBS: Where's his car? Where's his car?! EMPLOYEE: Employee lot. Around back. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY TODD: (SHOUTS INTO PHONE) Get out of the building! They know! They're chasing me! Okay... GIBBS: You should have left the top down. Put your hands on top of your head. (TO TONY) Nice of you to join us, Dinozzo. TONY: I thought I was gaining ground. He's got a very unorthodox running style. It's very effective, though. GIBBS: Not effective enough. TODD: I didn't want to do it. I told her it was a bad idea. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. OBSERVATION ROOM MCGEE: I actually trusted her. ZIVA: There is no way you could have known, McGee. TONY: Ziva's right, Probie. It's not your fault. But if you even think about writing a third novel, I'll kill you. ZIVA: When Abby finds out who her character really feel in love with, you will already be dead. (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM (DOOR CLOSES) CRAWSHAW: I have been sitting here half the night, Agent Gibbs. What am I being charged with? GIBBS: Tampering with a Federal investigation. CRAWSHAW: That's ridiculous. I've answered every question you've asked. GIBBS: Resisting arrest. CRAWSHAW: I told you already. I wasn't running. I was late for an appointment. GIBBS: And murder. CRAWSHAW: You think I murdered someone? GIBBS: Their names are Petty Officer Darren Cove and Adrian Corbett. CRAWSHAW: Never heard of them. GIBBS: Okay. Well, how about Cameron Meyer and Jared Brenner? Have you heard of them? CRAWSHAW: I think so. They're characters in Tim's next book. GIBBS: The book someone is killing over. CRAWSHAW: Too bad you can't find them. GIBBS: I think we have. You wrote the letters. CRAWSHAW: What? Why would I? GIBBS: Todd gave you up. He said you told him to mail the letters back to the agency. CRAWSHAW: (BEAT) Well, I can explain. GIBBS: Well, I sure hope so. CRAWSHAW: I wrote the letters, but only to create a bigger buzz. Stalkers mean more press, more press means increased revenue. GIBBS: You made up a stalker to sell more books? CRAWSHAW: Yes, I did. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM TONY: She's lying. ZIVA: If she is, she's quite good. TONY: She publishes fictional novels for a living, Ziva. She knows how to tell a good story. MCGEE: I'm with Ziva. This woman lives to sell books. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM CRAWSHAW: Look, it may sound unorthodox, but I do one interview about those letters and Gemcity's book sales jump through the roof. GIBBS: I didn't think he needed the help. CRAWSHAW: There is no such thing as enough sales. What I did might be wrong, but there's no way I could ever kill anyone. GIBBS: Why should I believe you? CRAWSHAW: Those letters were a strategic business move. I would do anything to help my client sell more books. GIBBS: Anything? TONY: (V.O.) Well played, Boss. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT TONY: You'll get her in round two.(DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: There won't be a round two, Dinozzo. TONY: But she didn't break. GIBBS: I know. I was there. MCGEE: She didn't do it, did she? GIBBS: She's your publisher. You tell me. MCGEE: I think she's telling the truth. ABBY: That makes two of us. I compared Crawshaw's DNA to the mystery blood pulled off of Petty Officer Cove. She did not do it. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: I've read this a thousand times, and I've come up with nothing. ZIVA: Then maybe we should spitball ideas and see what sticks. (BEAT) What? Did I say it wrong? TONY: No, you got that right. MCGEE: No, that's good. So let's start with what we know. Campfire. TONY: Well, we know there's a killer on the loose. One down, two to go. And he's already killed number two. ZIVA: In your book, Cameron Meyer and Jared Brenner only have two things in common. MCGEE: They extorted money and both murdered a convenience store clerk. ZIVA: Maybe the killer was seeking revenge for the clerk's death. MCGEE: No. The clerk's a throw-away character. I didn't even bother to name him. Besides, the stalker letters are fake. So we don't even know that he's delusional. GIBBS: He murdered two characters in a work of fiction, McGee. MCGEE: Okay, so he's probably delusional. But that doesn't mean he's looking for revenge. TONY: You gotta have motive, Probie. MCGEE: Well, I am not convinced that the answer is in my book, Tony. ZIVA: Maybe the answer is in how he got the book. MCGEE: He definitely didn't get it from Crawshaw. She'd never do anything to jeopardize sales. GIBBS: It means he got it from you. MCGEE: Well, I keep everything locked up. GIBBS: It wasn't a question. It's you or Crawshaw. TONY: Trust your instincts, Tim. They're usually right. Take the lead on this one. All we can do is assist. MCGEE: Okay. From the beginning, page one. (MCGEE WALKS O.S.) TONY: I'd say we played that one nicely, Boss. The whole good guy, bad guy technique. GIBBS: Dinozzo. TONY: Yeah? GIBBS: Assist. (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS) TONY: Hold the elevator! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT TONY: Ooh. Ah! I am using muscles I didn't even know I had! No wonder you only got to chapter six. MCGEE: Chapter seven. (SFX: MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY) MCGEE: It's jazz. Helps me clear my mind. GIBBS: No. Coletrane is jazz, McGee. This is a soundtrack to a bad seventies porno shot in the San Fernando Valley. MCGEE: I'm just trying to reenact every detail of my writing process here, okay? TONY: (LOUDLY) I'm sorry. Did you say something? My ears are bleeding and I can't... I can't... (MUSIC OUT) TONY: Thank you. MCGEE: I was trying to show you what I do when I get stuck. TONY: Blocked. MCGEE: Whatever. Up... come on. TONY: I'm in the middle! MCGEE: Up! Okay, sometimes when I'm in trouble, I take a few minutes to free-write. TONY: Free-write? MCGEE: Stream of consciousness. About my characters, my story arcs, my possible plot lines, everything. No filter. TONY: No filter. MCGEE: Whatever pops in my head goes right to the page. TONY: Ah. Write. Be free! Just do it. Free write! Be free. I get it. MCGEE: If I like it, I put it in my binder. If not... (SFX: PAPER SHREDDER) TONY: Do you always use your shredder? MCGEE: Always. TONY: Do you ever just take a stack of pages and toss it in the trash? MCGEE: Never. TONY: Did you ever misplace a binder, or lost a copy of a book? MCGEE: No, and no. The only way the killer got my book is if he broke into my apartment, made a copy, and returned the original. I am a Federal investigator, so I'm sure I would know if someone tried to break into my place. TONY: We're missing something. MCGEE: And while we're trying to figure it out, he is planning on how to kill his next victim. TONY: Or he's already killed them. Sorry. I was just... free-thinking. MCGEE: It's like he's here in the room with me, looking over my shoulder as I write. TONY: Type. Because technically, what you do is type. You don't really write. That would be ... MCGEE: I type. That's how he does it. TONY: Looked over your shoulder? MCGEE: I type. (LOUDLY) Tony, I type! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS SLIDE OPEN) MCGEE: Boss, I got it! ZIVA: Film? MCGEE: It's from my typewriter. GIBBS: Typewriter ribbons. MCGEE: That's how the killer read my book. ZIVA: Well, where did he get the ribbons? TONY: Trash. Killer must have picked them out of McGee's dumpster. MCGEE: That means he had access to all my notes and my ideas. ZIVA: Which means the murders may not be based on just the book. MCGEE: All these pages are a product of my free-writing. ZIVA: (WHISPERS) Free-writing? TONY: I'll explain it later. MCGEE: One of my many possible endings involves Cameron Meyer and Jerrod Brenner killing me - Agent McGregor. It's a character I based on myself. ZIVA: If the killer is confusing fiction with reality, then you've got a motive. GIBBS: He's protecting you. TONY: He's already killed two of the characters. Who's the third? MCGEE: I haven't decided yet. But Meyer and Brenner are the only characters that wanted me - McGregor dead. TONY: They why does he think there are three? MCGEE: I don't know. I decided it'd be stupid to kill McGregor. Everyone likes him too much. ZIVA: Well, not everyone. (READS) "Forensic Specialist Amy Sutton offered her heart to Agent McGregor only to be rejected. Using sign language, she tells her deaf mother that she can't live without him. He's going to have to go." MCGEE: Yeah, "go" as in leave the agency. Not "go" as in "go." GIBBS: Does the killer know that? MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ABBY'S LAB - NIGHT GIBBS: Abby! ZIVA: She's not answering her cell. GIBBS: Security detail? TONY: Shift change; they just arrived on duty outside her apartment. MCGEE: She's gone. ZIVA: She's not answering her home phone either, Gibbs. GIBBS: Send them in. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Secure the apartment! MCGEE: No, she's not there. Uh... her apartment's flooded. She's staying with Sister Rosita and the girls. ZIVA: Sister Rosita? MCGEE: From her bowling team. TONY: The bowling nuns.(ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS CLOSE) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS/ VIBRATES) (SFX: ABBY GASPS) LANDON: Hi, Amy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - NIGHT MCGEE: Still no answer. GIBBS: Call again, McGee. MCGEE: I can't believe I let this happen. ZIVA: Abby knows how to take care of herself, McGee. TONY: And she's got a crew of nuns watching her back. MCGEE: Nuns are on a spiritual retreat. She's on her own. (SFX: CAR ACCELERATES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ROOM - NIGHT ABBY: Are you... here to see someone? Um... because the sisters - they're gone....for a minute. They went to the church and should be back anytime. LANDON: If you were smart, you would've just let him go, Amy. ABBY: My name's Abby. LANDON: I know rejection is hard. But let's face it, you're not good enough for him anyway. ABBY: Good enough for who? LANDON: Special Agent McGregor. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. CAR - NIGHT (SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH TO A STOP) GIBBS: You two take the back. McGee, you're with me. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CONVENT - NIGHT ABBY: I'm sure there's some sort of communication problem here. LANDON: Don't talk to me like I'm stupid! I know what you said. ABBY: That makes one of us. LANDON: How were you planning to do it, huh? ABBY: Do what? LANDON: Kill him. With poison? I bet with your forensic training, I'll bet you could come up with something pretty - I wouldn't do that. (SFX: KNIFE CLATTERS TO THE PLATE) LANDON: I will say, I've always respected your courage, Amy. TONY: (SHOUTS) Drop your weapon! ZIVA: (SHOUTS) He said drop it! Now! LANDON: Officer Lisa! Agent Tommy. I'm afraid I can't do that. You don't know it yet, but your partner's in danger! MCGEE: Landon? Landon, what are you doing? LANDON: I'm protecting you. ABBY: McGee, who is this guy? MCGEE: He's a friend. LANDON: Don't! I have to do this!! MCGEE: Landon, she's not going to hurt me. It's just a book. It's not-- GIBBS: Finished yet. Tell him the ending, Agent McGregor. Tell him what happens. MCGEE: It's not what you think, Landon. Amy and I ... Amy and I get married. LANDON: (LONG BEAT) You... you marry her? MCGEE: Yeah, I do. That means that if you kill her, you're killing the only woman I ever loved. Landon, I really do love her! It just took me a while to figure it out. (ALL MOVE TOWARD LANDON) LANDON: I was only trying to help. GIBBS: You killed two people. LANDON: I had no choice. They set a wedding date yet? TONY: Guest list is full, buddy. GIBBS: Are you okay, Abs? ABBY: Oh, with the amount of bad guys after me, I feel like I'm dating Spiderman. MCGEE: Abby, I am so sorry. ABBY: We need to talk. MCGEE: I know this is all my fault. ABBY: Agent McGregor cannot marry Amy in the end. McGee, they're all wrong for each other. (MUSIC UP AND OUT)
doc_282	Teleplay by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen Story by: Sherry Bilsing & Ellen Plummer [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are sitting around the table.] Monica: I'm glad you're here, we have a couple of things to ask you about the wedding ceremony. Rachel: (starting to cry) Ohh... Ross: What's the matter? You okay? Rachel: Yeah, it's just y'know... Chandler: (To Ross) Monica said wedding. Monica: Uh, so anyway, we thought one of you could read something during the ceremony. Rachel: Oh! I would love to read a poem. Chandler: Do you think you could get through a poem? Rachel: (crying) It'll be a short one. Monica: Okay, so Ross will be doing the reading. Rachel: Ohhh... Ross: Okay. Yeah, I guess, I guess I could do that too. Chandler: Too? Ross: Yeah, I kind of uh, have something else planned for you guys. Monica: Do you mind telling us what it is? Ross: Sorry, I'm kinda keeping this one on the Q.T. Chandler: Well, whatever it is, I hope it involves winking. (Winks in a spy-type manner.) Joey: (entering, excited) Hey! All: Hey! Joey: So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today, and... Monica: What is DOOL? Joey: Days Of Our Lives. Anyway, you're not gonna believe it! My character is coming out of his coma!! All: Oh!! Chandler: That's great! Joey: And-and-and not only that, I'm gettin' a new brain!! Chandler: So great things are happening at work and in your personal life! Rachel: Wait, what do you mean you're getting a new brain? Joey: Oh well, they're killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body. Ross: What? A brain transplant?! Joey: (seriously) Yes, it's a highly controversial procedure. Ross: It's ridiculous! Joey: Well, I think it's ridiculous that you haven't had sx in three and a half months. Ross: (to Monica and Rachel) It's winter, they are fewer people on the street. (Rachel and Monica smile and nod, knowingly.) Monica: Who are they killing off? Joey: Uh Cecilia Monroe, she plays Jessica Lockhart. Rachel and Monica: Noo!! Monica: She's my favorite character on DOOL. Joey: Nice. Rachel: She is so good at throwing drinks in people's faces, I mean I don't think I've ever seen her finish a beverage. Monica: And the way she slaps all the time! Rachel: Oh! Monica: Wouldn't you love to do it just once?! (Raises her hand towards Chandler.) Chandler: Don't do it. Rachel: Cecilia Monroe man, what a great actress. Joey: Oh, tell me about it. And she's been on the show forever, it's gonna be really hard to fill her shoes. Ross: Yeah-yeah, help me out here, when you come out of the "brain transplant," you are going to be her? Joey: Yes, but in Drake Ramoray's body. (Ross laughs unbelievably.) Why is this so hard for you to get? I thought you were a scientist! Opening Credits [Scene: Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch in Central Perk] Phoebe: (Clears Throat) Rach, so, that guy there. Straight or gay? Rachel: (They both look behind them.) Well, I'd have to say gay. Phoebe: Yeah? Why? Rachel: Well mainly because he's kissing that other guy. Phoebe: Oh no not that guy there. That guy right there. (Pointing to an attractive man sitting at a table behind them.) Rachel: Oh yeah he's too cute to be straight. Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.) Rachel: All right, straight, and not subtle. (The man gets up and leaves.) Phoebe: Ohh, he left his cell phone. Rachel: Oh, well, we can hand it to Gunther and he'll put it in lost and found. Phoebe: Or we could use it to call China. See how those guys are doing. Rachel: What if, um, if he calls his own cell phone to find out who found it and I answer and we start talking and we fall in love. I mean wouldn't that be a great story? Kind of like a fairy tale for the digital age. Phoebe: Yeah... That does sound great. I'm going to get the phone. (They both get up.) Rachel: What? Wait! Why...why do you get the story? Phoebe: I don't know. I haven't been out on a date in so long. Rachel: Phoebe, you had a date three days ago. Phoebe: That wasn't a date! That was, that was just friends getting together...(quietly) having sx. Rachel: Okay. Okay, see? I get the phone. Phoebe: No way! No way! You just broke with Tag a week ago. Rachel: Yeah! (Breaking up) And until now, I didn't think I'd love again. Phoebe: Nice try. Rachel: Oh hey-hey wait! How do we fairly decide who gets the phone? Phoebe: I don't know. (They edge closer to the phone on the table.) Rachel: Well umm, maybe we could uhh... (Grabs the phone) Ah-ha! Too slow!! (She holds the phone out and starts taunting Phoebe. Phoebe calming knocks the phone out of Rachel's hand and catches it.) Phoebe: Ah-ha! Too cocky! [Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is watching Jessica Lockhart perform a scene.] Dina: I'm going to keep dating him Mother, and there's nothing you can do about it! Jessica Lockhart: Oh yes there is! Dina: What are you going to do? Kill him? Like you did with Charles?! Jessica Lockhart: (gasps) That was an accident! And so were you. Dina: Well, at least I'm not a murderer! (Jessica slaps her.) Jessica Lockhart: (crying) Oh, my baby! (Hugs Dina, but moves Dina's head to her other shoulder so that she's the only one in the picture.) The Director: Cut! (Joey walks up to Cecilia Monroe who plays Jessica.) Joey: That was a great scene! And-and-and that slap looks so real! How do you do that? Cecilia: Oh, just years of experience. Dina: (crying) Can I get some ice here?! Joey: Oh anyway, I just wanted to say how wonderful I think you are. Cecilia: You're not the fan who's dying are you? Joey: Say what? Cecilia: I'm supposed to meet and hug a fan who's dying, but that's not supposed to be until (to no one in particular) later! Joey: No. No, I'm Joey Tribbiani; we did a scene together yesterday. I-I'm the guy in the coma! Cecilia: Oh that was a real person?! Joey: An-an-anyway I-I just wanted to say that since I'm getting your brain when you leave the show, I was wondering if there was any tips you can give me... Cecilia: I-I-I'm leaving the show? Joey: (quickly) I don't know. Why? Did you hear something? Cecilia: Who told you that? Joey: Oh uh, one of the writers. Cecilia: Which one? Was it bald or was it tall? Joey: Umm... Cecilia: Y'know what? It doesn't matter! Because it is not true! Joey: Okay. Cecilia: And if it were true, how dare you come to me ask me for tips about a character that I've been playing for 20 years-I'll give you a tip! (She throws her drink in his face.) Joey: Ms. Monroe... (She slaps him) Oh there you go. (She storms off, leaving Joey standing next to Dina. They share a nod at the ferocity of the slap they just received.) [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are still arguing over the phone.] Rachel: No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; that's not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why don't we, why don't we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone. Phoebe: Or, we can decide by whose ever name is closer to the word phone. Rachel: I don't think so. Phoebe: (handing Rachel the phone) Fine all right, but I'd bet you'd be singing another tune if we were fighting over a ratchet. Rachel: (checking the speed dial) All right, first name on the speed dial is mom. Phoebe: Ohh, I lost my mom to suicide. Rachel: Okay no way, you cannot use that to get the cute guy and the last blueberry muffin. Phoebe: Did I use that already today? I'm sorry. Rachel: Yes okay. (Checking the speed dial again.) Well now see this isn't telling us anything. (Reading the speed dial) Joe. Carlos. Peter. Ooh! Peter Luger! T hat's a steak house! Phoebe: Okay, a meat eater. Fine, that's one for you. Rachel: (looking at the speed dial) Oh, I win! He's got Barney's on his speed dial. Phoebe: So you don't know that's Barney's the store! That can be y'know his friend's house, or a bar. Who has Barney's the store on their speed dial? Rachel: (showing Phoebe her phone) His new girlfriend! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch, when they start to hear a horrible screeching noise. It sounds like someone is skinning a cat.] Monica: What is that? Chandler: I think it's the dying cat parade. Monica: It sounds like it's coming from across the street. Chandler: (turning around and looking) Oh my God! Monica: What? Chandler: Y'know that thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding?! He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said, "You're half Scottish right?" Monica: Nooo!! Chandler: Yes!! [Cut to Ross's apartment, he is playing the Bagpipes, badly. He's worse than that whole keyboard thing a few years ago.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier. They both get up and move to the window.] Monica: No, there is no way! It can not be Ross! (She looks through the window and sees Ross practicing and fumbling around with the pipes.) Unbelievable! Why is your family Scottish?! Chandler: Why is your family Ross?! Monica: He cannot play at our wedding! I mean everyone will leave! I mean come on, that is just noise! It's not even a song! Chandler: If you listen very carefully, I think its Celebration by Cool and the Gang. [Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe is putting out some Sunflower seeds as Rachel enters.] Rachel: Hi Pheebs! Phoebe: Hi! Rachel: How are ya? Phoebe: Good. Rachel: Umm Pheebs, remember when we were in the coffee house we decided that I was going to keep the uh, the cute guy's cell phone? Phoebe: Yeah. Rachel: And remember how I said I was going to keep it in my purse so that if it rang I could just pick it up? Phoebe: Yeah! Rachel: And do you remember going into my purse and stealing the phone?! Phoebe: Ooh, now you lost me. Rachel: You stole the phone! Phoebe: No I didn't! Rachel: No? So you're saying that if I called it, it wouldn't ring? Phoebe: No. Umm, okay. But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. (Rachel dials her phone and Phoebe's bag starts to ring.) Oh, it does work! (Rachel grabs the phone and takes it out of Phoebe's handbag.) Rachel: Phoebe! Phoebe: That is a different phone. Rachel: Oh is it?! (She answers the cute guy's phone.) Uhh, hello? (On her phone) Yes hi, is Rachel there? (On the other phone) Yes she is, just one moment please. (To Phoebe, holding out both phones.) It's for me! Phoebe: That is damning evidence. (The cute guy's phone rings.) Rachel: Oh my God! I bet that's him. My digital fairy tale is about to begin. I wonder how I should be? Should I be uh (In a sexy voice) Hello? Or should I be (Happily) Hi! It's Rach... (Phoebe knocks the phone out of Rachel's hand, catches it, and answers it.) Would you stop doing that?! Phoebe: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yes, I'm the one who found your phone. Rachel: Phoebe! You can't do th... Phoebe: (To Rachel) Shhh! I'm on a call! (On phone) Umm well yeah, you can pick it up tonight, say 8:30? At-at my apartment. It's umm, it's umm 5 Morton Street, Apartment 14, umm and then maybe y'know after we can grab a bite to eat or whatever. (Listens) Okay, well okay I'll see you then. (Listens) Bye. (Hangs up.) Rachel: You do know that I will be here when he comes over. Phoebe: Oh? And how will you know what time to come over? Rachel: You just said it! Phoebe: Oh. Okay, well I-I was kinda hoping that I would just...be alone y'know to think about my mom and her suicide. Rachel: Oh Phoebe! Phoebe: What?! That's the first time today! Rachel: Ohh! (Exits.) [Scene: Silvercup Studios, Dina is at the craft services table getting some food as Joey walks up.] Joey: So you like the nachos uh? Myself I'm partial to... Dina: (interrupting) I'm 16. Joey: See you in 2003. (She walks away.) Cecilia: (walking up) You're absolutely right they are writing me out of the show. They don't know exactly when it's going to happen, but apparently it's going to be very soon and that's it. Joey: I'm so sorry. Look, if it was up to me you would never leave the show. Cecilia: Yeah, thanks. Joey: No I mean it! I can't believe they would do this to you! And to your fans! I mean they are going to be devastated! Heart broken! They love you so much! Cecilia: Oh you're right. Thank you! What's your name again? Joey: Joey. Cecilia: Joey, well thank you. That is so sweet. Oh, excuse me. (She throws her drink on a passing writer.) The Writer: It wasn't my decision! Cecilia: (to him) I'm having a conversation here! (To Joey) You were saying? Joey: Uh yeah-ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-l-l-l-l-l-look the-the-the only reason that I, that I came up to you before was because well, I'm really nervous about-about being you. Y'know if you can help me capture the essence of the character. Y'know? Help me keep Jessica alive. Please? Cecilia: All right Joey, I will help you. Not because I-I owe it to this stupid show, but because I owe it to Jessica. Joey: Oh that's great! Oh thank you so much! Cecilia: You're so welcome. Joey: Hey! Now, I've been watching some tapes, how's this? (In a British accent.) "Jessica Lockhart will never set foot in this place again! Ever!!" Cecilia: Is that supposed to be me? Joey: Yeah. Cecilia: Yeah but Jessica doesn't have an English accent. Joey: (shocked) I can do an English accent?! That baby's going on my résumé! [Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the armchair.] Chandler: Well, I feel like a snack! Monica: Do you want some shortbread? Eh that's Scottish like you are. Chandler: Oh no thanks. I don't like anything from my Scottish heritage. Ross: What?! Chandler: Well it's just my entire family was run out of Scotland by...Vikings. Anyway, lots of bad memories. (Makes a few unintelligible noises.) Ross: Oh well, it sounds to me like your family is ready to uh, rediscover its Scottish roots. Monica: No! No-no they're not. They're still very angry! But y'know Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet. Ross: Well yeah-yeah the Scottish history is so much more... Monica: (interrupting) You can not play bagpipes at the wedding!! Ross: How did you know about that?! Chandler: We heard you play all the way from your apartment! Ross: Were you the ones called the cops?! Chandler: That's not really important right now. What is important is; while we appreciate the gesture, we just don't feel bagpipes are appropriate for our wedding. Ross: Why not? Chandler: Because we hate them. Ross: Come on that's not fair! I mean you haven't even heard me play! Chandler: We have heard you play. Ross: No, you've heard my practice. Okay? Just-just give me a chance to perform for you and then decide whatever you want. And I'm not going to tell you what song I'm gonna play either. But uh, let's just say when it's over I'll bet there will be a wee bit o' celebration. [Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is getting pointers on how to play Jessica Lockhart.] Cecilia: So, the essence of the character is rooted in her confidence. So, when Jessica enters a room for instance, she owns everything and every person in that room. (Joey is nodding.) You try. Joey: Okay! (He scurries out the set door and re-enters, extremely impressed) All right! Cecilia: No, he already knows that he owns everything in the room! He's not finding it out for the first time! So, try it again. Joey: Okay. Okay. (He goes out and comes back in, glaring at everything.) Cecilia: Right. He's not angry at the room either. Try it again, he owns it! He owns the room. It is his. He owns, owns, owns, owns the room! He owns it!! (Joey gets a snooty look on his face.) All right, it's a little weird, but it's getting better. (Joey is pleased.) Oh well, I'm gonna miss this woman so much. I don't know what I'm going to do! I mean, it's been 20 years of my life. Joey: Oh well-Hey-hey! Maybe, maybe uh, maybe this is a good thing. Y'know? It'll-it'll give you a chance to shake things up, play different characters. You're so talented. Cecilia: I am. I am, but I don't know, you know. An actor of a certain age is not that easy. Joey: Hey that's not true! Look at uh, look at Angela Lansb-Angelina Jolie! Cecilia: I probably should've just left years ago when the offers were pouring in, but y'know I just got so comfy here! And... Ohh, I turned down some amazing work! Joey: Like-like what? Cecilia: Well, let's just say if I left 15 years ago, the landscape of Mexican cinema would be very different today! Joey: (impressed) Wow! Cecilia: But... Well now, now's a different time for me. (Starts to cry.) Joey: Oh hey come on, don't-don't-don't do this! Umm, look let-let me tell you something, okay? Now when I watch you do a scene, I'm thinking, "Boy, she-she is a great actress!" (She's not buying it.) Uh but-but, I am also thinking, "She is hot!" Cecilia: (intrigued) You think I'm hot? Joey: You own the room. (She smiles and stares longingly into his eyes.) We should probably get-get uh... Cecilia: Oh yeah-yeah, we should get the... (Pause) So when Jessica kisses a man, she usually puts umm, both her hands on the man's face. (She does so.) Joey: Yeah-yeah, I noticed that! Is that 'cause she's so passionate? Cecilia: No! It's because that way the camera only sees her! (She takes her hands off his face.) Do you wanna try it? Joey: Yeah! Okay. (He puts his hands on her face and they kiss.) Cecilia: That was good, that was really good. But I-I think your hands may be a little off, they should be maybe right like... (She grabs the back of his neck and kisses him passionately causing them to fall onto the couch.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for the cute guy to show up for his cell phone. Rachel is putting on perfume by spraying it ahead of her face, and moving into it. Phoebe tries to steal some.] Rachel: Hey! Hey! (There is a knock on the door.) Phoebe and Rachel: (simultaneously) Who is it? Guy: Hi! It's Tom, I'm here to pick up the phone. (Rachel excitedly jumps up and heads for the door.) Phoebe: Whoa! Why do you get to answer the door? Rachel: Well why shouldn't I?! Phoebe: Because it's my apartment! Rachel: Well, then I get to give him the cell phone. Phoebe: Okay. All right. (Hands her the phone.) Good luck explaining all the calls to China. (Phoebe opens the door and Tom, an older gentleman with white hair, enters.) Tom: Hi! Phoebe: (To Rachel) Wow! How long were we arguing for? Rachel: (laughs) You're not the man who left the cell phone. Tom: No that's my assistant. Rachel: Is-is he coming? (Looks hopefully out the door.) Tom: Umm, no. Phoebe: Could you-could you umm, give us one second? Tom: Sure! Rachel: We'll be right back sir. Tom: Sure. (They walk into the living room.) Phoebe: Wh-what do we do? Rachel: I don't know! Phoebe: Can you believe this? (Rachel exhales in amazement.) We were waiting for a hot guy and then an even hotter one shows up! Rachel: I know! (Realizes what Phoebe said.) What?! Phoebe: Hmm, they just don't make 'em like that anymore! Rachel: (turning and looking at Tom again) No-no they do but, you just have to wait. Phoebe: Rachel, listen-I mean, if you let me have him then I will really owe you one. Rachel: (fake disappointment) All right. All right Phoebe I will let you have him, but you owe me; you owe me big! Phoebe: Yeah! You're such a great friend! Rachel: Ohh... Tom: So, which one of you lovely ladies am I going to take to dinner huh? Phoebe: Oh that'd be me. Sir. (Hands him the cell phone.) After you. Tom: Okay. Okay. (Exits and Phoebe checks him out.) Phoebe: (whispering) Nice! [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Cecilia is entering the living room from Joey's room followed by Joey.] Cecilia: Well, you certainly own that room. Joey: Actually I rent the whole place and, I just got what you meant. Thank you. (She laughs as Rachel enters.) Rachel: Hi. Joey: Hey! (Rachel stops dead in her tracks when she sees whom Joey is with.) Rachel: Oh my God! Oh my God!! Ohh, Jessica Lockhart!! In my apartment!! I am such a huge fan! I am such a huge fan! Cecilia: Well, it's nice to know that you... Rachel: (screaming) MONICA!!!! MONICA!!!! (Runs to Monica's.) Joey: That uh, that is my roommate Rachel. Cecilia: Oh that explains all the women's underwear. Joey: (shrugs) Sure. Yep. Monica: (entering with Rachel) Oh my God! It's true!! Oh my God you are so amazing! Oh my God, can I just ask you to do me oh, just one favor? Cecilia: Certainly. Monica: Would you slap me? Would you slap me right here in the face?! (Points to her cheek.) Cecilia: I'd love to, but my lawyer said I can't do that anymore. Rachel: God. You seem really, really nice. Joey: Okay, bye-bye. Rachel: I mean n-not-not fake at all like most famous people. Joey: All right, here we go. (He grabs them and starts to pull them out of the apartment.) Rachel: Okay. Monica: (breaks away) Oh wait, just one more thing! One more minute! (To Cecilia) Umm, you're a stupid bitch. Cecilia: I really can't slap you. (Monica walks away angrily) Rachel: You are so beautiful. Monica: Nice to meet you! My God you're great! Joey: Thanks for stopping by. See ya! (Throws them out and closes the door.) (To Cecilia) I-I am so sorry. I... Cecilia: Oh no-no-no-no, being adored. I'm used to it, don't worry about it. Joey: (notices something in the mail that Rachel brought in) Oh my God! Cecilia: What? Joey: They sent me today's script! They never send the script! Cecilia: They don't? Joey: Well no, I'm just in a coma. This must mean I have lines! (Realizes what that means.) Oh... Cecilia: How does it happen? Joey: (flipping to the last page) Ew, you get thrown from a horse into an electric fence. Cecilia: Ah what?! Jessica hates horses! Joey: Yeah well, I'm guessing after this she's not going to be crazy about electricity either. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe.] Ross: ...now remember you have to imagine me in a kilt. Rachel: (giggles) (To Ross) I can imagine you in a short plaid skirt and knee socks. Ross: (To Rachel) Do you wanna start telling secrets? Rachel: No! Ross: (stands up) Now umm, remember I'm still learning. (As he prepares to start, he makes several horrible noises that scares Rachel into retreat.) Ross: One, two, three, four! (He starts. And well, Celebration was never meant to be played on the bagpipe, so even the best bag pipe players in the world would have trouble with that particular song. So of course, for a beginner like Ross, it sounds absolutely dreadful. The assembled audience minus Phoebe, are horrified. Phoebe, immune to bad music, seems to enjoy it.) Ross: You know the song! Sing along! (Ross resumes playing, this time accompanied by Phoebe screeching out E's in tune with Ross. While Phoebe is singing along, Rachel is having a very difficult time keeping a straight face. Thankfully, Ross gives up after a little while.) Ross: So? Monica and Chandler: No! (Ross throws the bagpipes down in disgust.) [Scene: Silvercup Studios, a scene is being shot where Dina and Fredrick are celebrating Jessica's horrible accident by drinking champagne.] Dina: Loosening the saddle on mother's horse was brilliant Fredrick. And the electric fence, inspired. Fredrick: Thank you sweetheart. (They clink glasses.) Dina: I can't believe she's really gone. Look around you, all of this is ours. (They move into a kiss but; they're stopped by Joey entering with a huge bandage wrapped around his head.) Joey: (as Jessica) I don't think so. Dina: Who are you?! Jessica Lockhart: What's the matter Dina? Don't you recognize your own (Does a hair flip) mother?! The Director: Cut! That was great everybody! Thank you! Cecilia: (running out to Joey) That was so wonderful! (Hugs him) Ohh, I think that you're a better Jessica than I ever was! Joey: Oh noo... Cecilia: Well of course not, but you were very good. Joey: Thanks! Cecilia: And guess what? Good news! I got another job! Joey: Great! Hey! Alright! Well-well what is it?! Cecilia: A film in Guadalajara! Joey: The airport? Cecilia: No that's La Guardia. (Joey nods in recognition.) This is Mexico. Joey: Ohh. Wow! Well how-how, how will you be gone? Cecilia: Eight months. Joey: That's a really long time. Cecilia: Yeah, but you can come and visit me. I bet that you could uh, own a few places down there. Joey: Well I tell ya, I should probably buy a place in the city first. (Realizes.) And I just got what you meant again-That is-I tell ya, that is a tricky one! Cecilia: That is a tricky one. Well, Joey I really wanna thank you. You've, well you made a very difficult time for me a little less painful. Joey: Good luck. Cecilia: You too. (They kiss and both put their hands on the other's face like Jessica would do.) Ending Credits [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe. Yes, I typed that earlier. We're seeing this again, only this time Ross as already started playing.] Ross: You know the song! Sing along! Phoebe: Eeee!!! Eee!! Eee!! (Monica (Courtney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) are laughing. That then causes Lisa and Jennifer to come out of character and start laughing hysterically. And that finally causes David Schwimmer to come out of character and start laughing as well. Matthew decides to sing along now as well.) Matthew Perry: Eee!! (This causes more laughter.) Lisa Kudrow: Do it again! (Matthew mimics the sound again.)
doc_283	Moirira and Johnny: (Moans of passion) Oh yeah! Yeah. Yeah. David: Could you spare some a... Oh my go-oh my God! Moira: (Shrieks) David! Johnny: Where's my robe?! David: Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God, what's happening? I saw hell is what's happening. Oh my God. What? (Door opens) David: Oh my God. Johnny: David, what you just saw was your mother and me... David: I know what I saw. Johnny: having an intimate moment. David: I cannot unsee that! Alexis: Oh my God, you poor thing! Johnny: Okay, and I refuse to feel guilty about being in bed with my wife. Alexis: Ew! Ew! Ew! Moira: I hate to be the one to tell you, but having sx is not just about making children so they can grow up and make you feel bad about having sx. Oh my God, can you stop this please?! Moira: I will not be shamed. Shame on you. David: Shame on you for attempting that position at 8 o'clock in the morning. Moira: John? Johnny: You know what? David: Oh my God. Do you know how difficult it is for us to share a wall with you two? David: I do now. Johnny: Yes, well, if you don't mind, we are now going back into our room and don't even think about opening that door! Moira: Are you serious? Johnny: Next time. David: (Under his breath) Oh my God. (Gags) Alexis: (Whimpers) No, no, no... S01E05 "The Cabin" Johnny: Roland, I just need the door fixed. Roland: Mm-hmm? Johnny: Okay? My family can't keep living like this. My wife and I, we have no privacy. Okay, all right. I get what this is about. You and the wife wanna bump the old uglies, huh? Roland: (Laughs) Johnny: I have no idea what that means. Having a little problem down there below there, Johnny boy, huh? No, there's no problem, Roland, I just need the locks fixed! It's okay, I get it. I get it, captain. You've been a out to sea for a while you wanna bring the boat into port and maybe... get your mast scrubbed. What're you guys down to now? Like... twice a day? Okay, this is a conversation you and I will never have, all right? I just need the door fixed. Well, how 'bout I do you one better? We got a cabin up by the lake. It's just a little love nest for the lady and me. You know, when we wanna spark the old spark from time to time. My gift to you and yours for the night. So generous, but I'm gonna take a pass. Jocelyn: Hey, Johnny. Johnny: Jocelyn? Jocelyn: How are you? Johnny: Uh, good. Good. Roland: sx life's in the crapper. I just offered him the cabin. That is so not true. Jocelyn: I knew something was wrong. Johnny: N-nothing is wrong. You should take the cabin. I wouldn't wanna see your relationship get any worse. No, our relationship is fine. It's just a privacy issue... Roland: Johnny, Johnny, come on, come on, come on, come on. Take the cabin, okay? And feel free to use the restraints. We keep 'em under the bed, so... Johnny: Thank you. Thank you. Jocelyn: Pick a safe word. Roland: Mm. Johnny: (Sighs) I, for one, think we should take them up on their offer. I can't believe what I'm hearing here. We're talking about Roland's place. Who knows what the hell we're gonna find up there? Moira: Well, we can't share any real intimacy here in this internment camp, John, and I don't want to turn into my parents. Separate beds, separate rooms. Well, separate countries. Exactly! A bad marriage! Hey, if you're willing to give this a shot, I'm game. Moira: You're game. Johnny: Yeah. Moira: Okay. I'll play. Actually, I have a good feeling about this, John. Johnny: You know, I'm starting to get a pretty good feeling myself. Are you? David: Oh my God! Am I being punished for something? David, are you dirty peeping tom? I don't' think parenting books would approve of you saying that to me. I'm here to grab a magazine, and go back and leave you guys to whatever disgusting... Moira: Stay. Johnny: Stick around, stick around. Moira: Alexis? Johnny: Alexis! They're done! Your father and I have some very important news. If you tell me that you're pregnant, I'm gonna vomit on this floor right now. Moira: Oh, can you imagine? Johnny: We're planning a trip. David: Okay. Johnny: Just to a cabin, overnight... And we request that the two of you not try to contact us for the next 24 hours. I really appreciate you doing that for me. I'm doing it for us. Well, it's to my benefit. Alexis: Um, why don't you guys stay at the cabin for longer? Oh, I would never just abandon you two in a motel in the middle of nowhere. David: Didn't you once take the wrong baby home from preschool? Alexis looked Chinese as an infant. How many times must I defend myself? So we're good then? Thank you. David: No, thank you. Johnny: No, thank you. David: Honestly, thank you. Johnny: Enough, David! Moira: Thank you so much for the loan of your cabin and your truck. Roland: Looks like you folks got a lot of gear here, huh? Is that the tickle trunk? (Smarmy laugh) It's just clothes. Roland: Yeah, okay, but just keep in mind there's only 60 amp service there, so don't be pluggin' a lot of gadgets in all at once, if you know what I mean. Yet another disturbing look into his world. Roland: All right, directions. Super easy, Johnny. Here's what I want you to do. Okay, I want you take highway 10 to Loon Lake Road north, okay? I want you to take a right there. There's gonna be a split in the fence, I want you to go left at that split, and keep going. Go through the intersection of Loon Lake Road south, okay? And then you're gonna find Pine Road. Now you go up Pine Road, I want you take a right at that big oak tree, all right? It's old, it's big, you can't miss it. You go down the hill to the left and we're the third cabin on the right, okay? The key's under the mat. Johnny: Got it. Moira: Really? Johnny: Key is under the mat. So I think I'm gonna go next door because your mess is making me anxious. What mess? David: You know how clean my apartment was in New York. It was so clean. It was really clean. Well, it was very clean because you had a maid to keep it very clean for you. No. I kept it clean after Cecilia cleaned. Anyway, I think it's best if we just take some space and um... I am looking forward to sleeping in a bed that his not... made for a toddler. Okay. I'll just chill here in my own space and... David: Yeah. Alexis: Maybe I'll do a mask or something and... check in with myself and see how I'm doing... Okay, so we're good? Alexis: Yeah. David: Okay. See you tomorrow. Okay. (Door closes) (Bedding rustles) (Relaxing sigh, book pages rustle) (Door creaks shut) I'm out of mask. I was so bored in there! I'm sorry to hear that. Alexis: Okay, so I think that we should take advantage of mom and dad being gone. David: I am. Alexis: Okay, but like throwing a party or something. David: No. Absolutely not. Alexis: Just a tiny, little, casual motel party. Okay, Alexis, I have no interest in finding out what types of people are attracted to "casual motel parties." Alexis: But you do have an interest in lounging on a bed that mom and dad have had sx all over? David: Why would you do that to me right now? David, I just... I miss my life! And I miss doing things. And I miss being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think that I'm... funny, and smart, and charming. Will you? Just a few people. Please. You can't tell me that you don't wanna hang out with people other than me. David: Obviously. Alexis: Okay, so...? David: Okay, fine. Something small. Alexis: Yes! David: Like a little games night. Yes, like a small, little games night party. No. Like a little games night period. Okay, fine. And then, if it turns into something else, it turns into something else. Well, it won't 'cause there's only six people invited. Any more and game play gets too yelly. It gets very yelly. Okay, this party is gonna be... David: It's not a party. Alexis: awesome! David: It's not a party. Alexis: So. Much. Fun! I'm so excited! (Door bangs shut) (Insects chirp, birds Twitter) (Truck rumbles to a stop) (Engine cuts out, doors creak open and bang shut) Johnny: Hey, not bad! Rustic but nice, huh? The great outdoors, Moira. I am shocked and delighted. Yes. I have to say I was nervous about this, but I've gotta hand it to Roland, he came through. He's moron! (Pots and dishes clatter) Key's under the mat, is it? The key is under the mat! (Ripping sound) Agh! That's great! Lying son-of-a... (pan crashes on floor) Agh! Idiot man! Moron! Ha! Oh, good. Moira: John?! Johnny: Yeah! Coming, honey! I'm coming. (Blows out his breath) (Lock clicks) Well hellooooo. Oh, my car broke down and it's raining, and I wondered if I might spend the night. Well, first let's get you out of those... dry clothes and we'll see where the night takes us. David: So I need to flesh out this games night thing. Between you and my sister, and the barn guy and that girl in the restaurant, we have 5, and obviously we need an even 6 for ultimate game play. Stevie: Well, what if I'm not a games person? David: We're far too similar for you not to be, so... Options, please. Obviously they need to be funny, and smart, and have well-rounded sense of humour and a wide range of knowledge. Oh, all those types of people move away from here. David: That's funny. Stevie: No, I'm serious. Stevie: Ooh, what about Eric? David: Hmm? He finished high school. I don't love his look. Oh, looks are important? Oh... Why don't we throw a pageant? Trust me, if I had time, we would, but we don't, so... What about Sarah? She's cute and speaks english. Hmm? Mm... She get it? Stevie: Get what? Like "get it" get it. It, like the vibe. Understand that games night needs to run a certain way, otherwise it won't work. Can I be on your team? You sound really fun. David: Listen, you don't have to help me out if you don't want to. David: I can find someone else. Stevie: Really? David: Mm-hmm. Stevie: Okay. David: Well, it's-okay. Stevie: Have fun. David: Okay. Stevie: My money's on the other team. (Receding footsteps, cars rumble by) [SCENE_BREAK] (door opens) David: Hi. (Door clicks shut) Can I help you? Yeah, I just uh... Came to apologize. For what? For uninviting you to games night. You did not uninvite me. I uninvited myself. Mm-hmm. Okay, well, um... I would really like it if you came and I would really love it if you could bring... one other person of your choosing. So it doesn't matter if they don't blend? M-mm-mm. And this doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you couldn't find anybody else to come? (Scoffs) No. What? No. I... You are a very bright, funny person, with a wide range of useful knowledge and the fact that we don't have an ideal number for team style game-play, is not... not why I'm here. You're such a liar. And I was bluffing when I said I wasn't coming. I just wanted to see you beg, so... David: Okay. Stevie: I'll put out some feelers, but, you know, such short notice, all the town hotties will have plans. I'll see you tonight! Yeah, thanks. David: Thank you. Stevie: Welcome. Moira: This place is almost charming. Very rustic cottage. I was half expecting early unibomber. Johnny: Oh, look! Roland and Jocelyn. Moira: Who are the other two? Johnny: Well, that's Bob. He's on the town council. Moira: And his partner? Roland has gay friends! Again, shocked and delighted. I think that's his wife. Moira: No, they're both called husband. Look at the them smiling away. What have they got to be so happy about? Johnny: Well, they have no money issues. That's why they're so happy. Yeah, they just don't know any better. (Birds sing, crickets chirp) David: So, Eric, how do you know Stevie? Eric: She used to be my babysitter. Great. Wow. Okay. And how are your... Trivia skills? Eric: My what? David: Oh my God. Okay. Good choice. Good choice. (Knock at the door) Alexis: (Squeals excitedly) (Door opens) You guys came. Together. That's so cute! Come in! Twyla, you look amazing! Mutt, you look like a mill dollars. Twyla: Okay, so I brought this pie from work but on the way, I realized I didn't check what kind so there's a 50/50 chance there's meat in it. Alexis: Oh my God, that's so cute. Thank you. David: Okay, so it's 8:15. It's 8:15. We should have started at 8. So... fifteen minutes late, let's sit down and I will... explain the game. Alexis: And I would just like to thank everybody so much for coming. This is the first social thing that I've done in like a really long time, so let's just have so much fun and we'll just see where the night takes us. David: Well, it'll take us to a three part games night that ends at 10. Alexis: Okay, well, we'll see. David: Okay, so let's start. Alexis: Okay. David: Let's start by putting down 10 famous names onto the pieces of paper in front of you. Mutt: I don't think I can fit ten names on this piece of paper. David: That's funny. That's funny. No. One per piece of paper. Ten pieces of paper, ten names. Eric: Who should I put down? David: I can't tell you that, Eric, 'cause that would wreck the game. Eric: So then how do I know what to put? David: Oh my God. Stevie: (Whispers) Relax. Twyla: Can you put yourself down? Alexis: Oh, okay, who wants a shot? Because I do. David: No, we need to finish putting the names down first. (Knock at the door) David: Who's that? Alexis: Okay, I may or may not have invited a few other people. David: What kind-who? I don't know. I met them on the way home. (Running footsteps, door clicks open) Alexis: Hey! Dane: Hey. Alexis: How are you? Dane: Good, good. Alexis: Good. Hey! Dane: Hey, kids. Stevie... Mutt... Twyla. Stevie: Hey, Dane. David: Who the... Bleep... is this? He's the worst, okay? So just breathe through it. David: Hi. David Rose. Oh... 'Kay. So we have split into teams and that's an odd number, so we're... stuck. No worries. We're here for the party. Keg's in the truck. What kegs? No one ordered a keg. David, can you please not be rude in front of... Dane: Dane. Alexis: Dane? Eric: So now what? David: (Jumps) Oh, God! In the bowl, Eric. Put them in the... (Papers rustle, pen clatters) (Crickets chirp) Johnny: Wow. Moira: Yeah. I can't see out of one eye. But I'm still alive, that's the main thing. (Sighs) I'm hungry. Should I go get... No! No. You don't have to get anything. I will get some food, I will get the wine. You... have done more than enough. (Wine glasses clink) Bob: Oh good, you're done. We uh... we didn't wanna interrupt. Johnny: What're doing here? Bob: Oh, just finishing off the latest Harold Zable novel. (Chuckles) You ever read him? How long have you been here? Quite a while. Yeah, you seemed to have a little trouble there, getting going. And, uh, well, we uh... We didn't think you needed the extra pressure on you, so... Gwen: Oh, hi! You're good. Moira: And you are? Bob: I'm Bob, this is my wife Gwen, and, uh, this is our cabin. Johnny: Oh, no, no, no. This is Roland and Jocelyn's cabin. Gwen: No, they're a mile up the road. Bob: Big tree, a fence. You can't miss it. (Awkward silence, Johnny sighs) David: She died! She's a dead person! Twyla: Marilyn Monroe! David: No! She helps people! Twyla: Oprah. Stevie: Calcutta! Calcutta! David: Calcutta! The lepers! She's the mother... She's a mother... David: It's not your turn, Alexis! Twyla: Princess Diana. Stevie and David: No! She's... David: The lepers in Calcutta, she helps them. Stevie: Lepers! Lepers! David: There's all these lepers. Alexis: Stop yelling at her though! David: It's the point of the game is the yell! She's a mother and has your cousin's name. Twyla: Teresa? Twyla: Mother Teresa! Alexis: Yes! David: You can't say mother! You can't say mother! Mutt: She wasn't getting it. David: That's the point! Anyway, no points for them. We have to start this again. Dane: This party's terrible. David: Excuse me? Alexis: Okay, so then, hey, why don't we do something else, like a drinking game. David: No! Absolutely not! Every time the vein in my brother's eye twitches, we take a drink. David: Why would you bring up my eye in front of all these people? (Knock at the door) David: Who is that?! Alexis: Calm down. Dane thought he should just invite over a few more of his friends, so... David: Oh, did he? Alexis: Yeah. Dane: Who's up for strip poker? David: Okay, you know what? I'm out. No, that's it. I'm gonna call it a night. I'm gonna pack it in. Eric, don't look at my eye! Alexis: Why are you being such an old woman? I'm sorry that I wanted to have fun tonight and invite a few random guys over and try and make out with them, okay? You're not the only one dying in this town. It is boring and I am just trying to make the best of it. I'm really sorry everybody. No offense, okay? Twyla: I'm well-versed in family conflict... David: I'm sure you are. Alexis? If you want to party, have a party. But I have a queen bed next door with my name on it and I have been looking forward to sleeping in that bed all day, so... Mutt: Maybe we should go. Alexis: No. You know what, guys? It's totally fine. David, I would love it if you would come and party with us, but it's totally up to you. David: And I'm totally gonna go. So everybody have a good night. I don't know who you are! Dane, put that down and get off my bed! No one on my bed tonight. And don't-no one throw up! (Door slams shut) So his eye twitched five times, so drink up, bitches! Guys: All right! Alexis: Woo! Dane: Shots! All right. Ready and... Johnny: And once again, my apologies. Moira: And I'm sorry, I don't know how to make a bed. Johnny: And I may have damaged your corkscrew, Bob. Bob: You broke it in half. (Door rattles as Johnny struggles) Johnny: Okay, the door, it won't open. The door won't open. Bob: It's locked. Johnny: Oh, it's locked. Moira: What do you want from us? Bob: Yes, it's... it's locked to prevent strangers from coming into the cabin. See, uh, we didn't realize that, uh, strangers would already be in the cabin when we locked it. Johnny: I see. Oh. Okay. Moira: Bye! Johnny: There we go. Moira: Thank you. Bye. Johnny: You've been consummate hosts, really. Fantastic day. (Door bangs shut) (Music plays) Twyla: Hey, Mutt, can you pass me a drink? Um... (Door bangs shut, muted chatter through door) Stevie: Sorry. Hey! David: Hi! Here's the thing. Um, I'm sorry that you and your sister are in a domestic, and I'm sorry that I invited Eric. That joke was funnier in theory. Bad joke. But I'm gonna need you to come back in there. David: Why? Because I don't really like most of those people and, believe it or not, we are in the middle of a very intense game of drunken charades and my team is losing. Badly. Well, that's not really my thing. It's not my thing either, but you were right; We're way too similar and I am having a very hard time losing, so... I will happily let you get back to this big queen bed if you'll just help us win a few more rounds. Just need somebody sober. David: I can't... Stevie: Please. Go back in there. It's embarrassing. They are way too drunk to remember. (Sighs) Just two winning rounds and then it's over. Then you can go back to your book. David: Fine. Fine. Two rounds. Stevie: You can go back to sleep. David: Quick. Quick rounds. Stevie: Thank you. David: Fine. Stevie: Thank you. Stevie: And just don't look at the stain on your bed, and we'll mime something special. David: What stain? Stevie: Uh... David: You're lucky I'm good at this game. Dane: Yes! A mexican... Alexis: Just get this one! Moira: Are you sure you don't want to call a tradesman or someone, John? Moira, I don't need a tradesman. I can handle a screwdriver, okay? This is working out just... fine. (Grunts of effort) And... that... is... in. Look at this. (Opens and closes door) Instant lock. Moira: Yes, let me tell you, Eddie. You look awfully good in that blue collar. Johnny: (Voice-breaking twang) Well, thank you very much, Mrs. Rose. I don't often get compliments when I'm fixing doors. Oh, Edward, I'm afraid I must tell you, I shan't be able to pay you today. (Voice-breaking twang) Well, that's okay, Mrs. Rose. Maybe there's um... some other way you can pay me, if you get my drift. (Door rips open, lock jingles uselessly) Did you take my mask? Thank you. (Door bangs shut) (Voice-breaking twang) Well, maybe I'll use a bigger screw, Mrs. Rose. Don't you go anywheres. Moira: I'll be right here, Eddie.
doc_284	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Mulder (O.C.): My name is Fox Mulder. In the 1990s, I began investigating paranormal science cases through a unit of the FBI known as the X-Files. My partner in this pursuit was Agent Dana Scully, a medical doctor and scientist. In 2001, we had a child together... Scully (quietly): William. Mulder (O.C.): ...but had to put him up for adoption to hide him from those who wished him harm. In 2002, the FBI closed the X-Files. 14 years later, circumstances have arisen which demand new X-Files investigations... Mulder (O.C.): Are you saying you have alien DNA? Mulder (O.C.): ...bringing Scully and I back together. [SCENE_BREAK] (electronic whirring) Female electronic voice: Good day, Dr. Sanjay. Sanjay: Yeah. Good morning. (scanner wand squeaking) Sanjay! (laughs) Oh. You okay? Rough weekend? Sanjay: A humdinger. Work or pleasure? Sanjay: I haven't known pleasure for quite some time. (wry laugh) (tone ringing) Are you okay? Sanjay: It's nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Hill: The Founder looked at the data. He sent a message this morning. "Do over." Cynthia: That's it? We spent months on those trials. We've tried every new source of pluripotent stem cells, including samples from amniotic fluids. We need more than just pronouncements from above. We need direction! What about a meeting with the man? Hill: You want the Founder to tell you how terrible your data is face-to-face? The guy is a recluse. No one here's even seen him for years. (distorted): For all we know, he didn't even read the stuff. Hill (distorted): I can assure you that Augustus Goldman is (slows, distorts): fully engaged. But the Founder has other interests that keep him occupied. Yeah, what about that? Doesn't that creep you out, that he's referred to as "The Founder"? (Crows fluttering) (glass rattling) (Pencil snaps, cracks) (fingers thudding) (eyelids shudder and crackle) Cynthia: ...do it. Hill: Now. It's necessary. Data... is the key. Hill: Don't hesitate. Go. Go now. Go! (tone ringing) (distorted): No... no! (glass rattling, clattering) Can't anyone hear that? (tone stops) Sanjay: (gasps) Sorry. Excuse me. [SCENE_BREAK] (typing rapidly) Cynthia: Do it. Hill: Now. Rogers: Data... is the key. (knock echoing) Rogers (muffled, distorted): Sanjay! Sanjay! Hill (O.C.): Sanjay, come on! Open up! (insistent banging on door) Hill (muffled): Open the door, Sanjay! Rogers (distorted): Sanjay! Sanjay, open the door! Hill: It's not opening! Rogers (O.C.): Open the door! Sanjay! Hill: Something's wrong with the system! Rogers: Sanjay, open the door! (tone ringing) (tone intensifies) (Sanjay whimpers) (gasping) (muffled): Sanjay? (muffled): Sanjay! Sanjay! (tone continues) (crackling, squishing) (brief whimper) [SCENE_BREAK] (camera shutter clicking) Mulder: What do you make of this, Scully? Scully: Well, it seems that Dr. Sanjay had a psychotic break and committed suicide. Note the letter opener sticking out of his head. Mulder: Noted. Scully: All the witnesses I spoke to have consistent accounts. Mulder: I mean the room. He chose the most secured place in the building to kill himself. He was trying to access something. These are isolated servers, so the only way to get to the data is through this terminal, which is also protected. Scully: Is that why we're here? You're interested in the server? What are you looking for, Mulder? Guard: Unhand the hard drive, sir. Mulder: This is evidence. Guard: It's classified. Scully: The reason why we're investigating, rather than the local police is because we have security clearance. Guard: To be in the room. Not to look inside this. That is property Department of Defense. Mulder: We need to conduct a few more interviews, then, before we conclude our investigation. Guard: The individuals pertinent to this incident have already been interviewed by your colleague. Mulder: We'd like to talk to Augustus Goldman. Guard: That's impossible. Dr. Goldman was not even on campus when this happened. Mulder: Well, if you won't let me look at the drive, then I have to talk to Goldman about what the deceased was trying to access before he died. Guard: I'm not authorized to confirm that I have knowledge of the whereabouts of the Founder. Scully: Can you confirm that you have security cameras watching over the entire complex? There's that one, and I saw a few more out there. Guard: Yes. Scully: In that case, I'd like to see all of the tapes. As soon as possible. Guard: All right. I'll have those sent over. But for now, remove this body so we can secure this room. Scully: Sorry, we're not finished-- Mulder: Oh, we are finished. We are finished. [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: Mulder, that's not your phone. Mulder: You know me, Scully. I'm old-school. Scully: Riley vs. California. The Supreme Court ruled that you needed a warrant to search a mobile phone. Mulder: That's for a suspect. Sanjay's the victim. Scully: Well, there is no victim. He killed himself. Mulder: Well, then, I'm sure he won't mind me talking to some of his friends. Here's someone he talked to every night. "Gupta." Scully: Dr. Sanjay is from western India. Gupta's a Marathi word. It means "secret." Mulder: How do you know that? Scully: I'm old-school, Mulder. Pre-Google. [SCENE_BREAK] (blues song playing in background) ♪ tell me, baby... ♪ Mulder: Gupta? Thanks for meeting me. My name is... Gupta: No... no names, please. You're Sonny's friend? (no voice) Gupta: Is that guy bothering you? Mulder: Not yet. Gupta: What... do you... want? Mulder: I want to talk. Can we go somewhere more private? Gupta: I don't... know you well enough. Mulder: I'm safe. You can trust me. Gupta: Come on. Mulder: Oh, whoa, whoa, no. Gupta: Well, you said you wanted to "talk." Mulder: Yes. I-I don't think that means exactly what you think it means. Or... or I'm not... Gupta: You guys are all alike, you know? You say you want to walk on the wild side, but when it comes down to it... you're repressed. I finally let go of all that, that self-loathing and that judgment and I'm free. Stop tormenting yourself. The truth is in here. Mulder: Yeah, I've-I've heard something like that. Hey, listen, I-I-I gotta tell you... (clears throat) Sanjay is dead. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FBI MORGUE WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: Deceased is a male, 35 years old, five-foot-eight and three-quarters inches, 180 pounds. (sighs) The probable cause of death is the introduction-- self-propelled-- of a letter opener into the cerebral cortex by way of the ear canal. (sighs, groans) I will now commence with my overall external examination. [SCENE_BREAK] Gupta: The last couple of weeks, he was... he was distant. He was... he was troubled. I... I thought it was me, you know? We hadn't gotten together for a while. I mean, he'd call me every night, but nothing... Mulder: .. physical. Did he talk to you about his problems? About work? Gupta: Yeah. Yeah, he said he was upset about his kids. He said they were dying. Mulder: His kids? He was single. Gupta: I didn't push it. I just tried to make him feel better. Mulder: Well, I saw where he lived. There was nothing there. He lived an antiseptic life. Gupta: He lived two lives. In two separate places. (phone buzzing) Mulder: Excuse me. Yeah. Scully: Mulder, you gotta see this. [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: I had to break his fingers to pry them open. But he wrote that on the palm of his hand before he died. Mulder: "Founder's Mutation." Scully: The Founder is what they called Dr. Goldman at Nugenics. Is that why you wanted to talk to him? Mulder: I don't think that's the mutation Sanjay was referring to. Did you find anything else on the autopsy? Scully: Well, there were no abnormalities in Dr. Sanjay's brain. The opener destroyed the acoustic nerve and then went into the cerebral cortex. Mulder: It's weird, because the opener goes in at 90 degrees and then it veers off at 60 degrees up into his brain, like he was hunting for something. Scully: Yeah. It ended up in the auditory cortex. You know... he blurted something out at the meeting, before his suicide. He said, "Can't anyone hear that?" Mulder: Hmm. Scully: But nobody else could hear a thing. Mulder: Well, ultimately, hearing is just nerve impulses interpreted by the brain. What if those same impulses could be generated without actual vibrations striking the ear drum? Scully: Hmm. Mulder: Well, anyway. If he left a note on his hand, maybe he left other clues. Scully: But where? We've checked out every square inch of his apartment. Mulder: Well, he leased a place that only Gupta knew about. I think we should go to where he actually lived. [SCENE_BREAK] [ DUPONT CIRCLE WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] (indistinct conversations) Scully: It's hard to imagine, in 2016, that Sanjay had to keep his lifestyle preferences a secret. Mulder: Being gay wasn't his only secret. (tires screech, man grunts) [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: Mulder? (distant): I found something. Mulder: His kids. Scully: Yeah. Mulder: Sanjay was afraid they were dying. These kids, they look so young. None of them look older than ten. Look at the backgrounds. Scully: It's a clinical setting. It looks like it might be a hospital. (car doors shut in distance) Scully: The police are coming up. We must have triggered a silent alarm. Mulder: All right, look around-- he's bound to have kept some information on them somewhere. (tone ringing) Mulder: (groans) Scully: Mulder? Mulder, are you okay? (footsteps approach) Scully: They're coming. Mulder. Man (distant): Police officer! Officer (distorted): Lady, put your hands where I can see 'em! Scully (distorted): FBI. (tone continues ringing) (nails scraping) (tone ringing, nails scraping, no voice) (tone stops) Scully: (distorted, indistinct, then:) ...find her. (distorted): Help me. (distorted): Find her. (echoing): Find her... Find her... Find her... (tone ringing, increasing in intensity) [SCENE_BREAK] Skinner: Do you have anything to add to this, Agent Scully? Scully: If you look at the files that we found in Dr. Sanjay's apartment... Skinner: No, I can't look at those. Scully: They're right over there. Murphy: These files are classified. They're the property of the Department of Defense. Mulder: Well, I've had a look at them. Those files are the medical records of children with grave genetic abnormalities. How those children relate to Dr. Sanjay's suicide is the object of our investigation. Skinner: Well, considering the fact that you just lost access to those files, your investigation is closed. I'll submit the report on the suicide to the proper authorities. We're done here. Murphy: (clears throat) Let me remind you, Agents Mulder and Scully, dissemination of any classified material, either internally or publically, will be dealt with harshly. Mulder: I'm familiar with Edward Snowden. Skinner: I assume you made copies. Mulder: I managed some top sheets before the DoD took over. I think those children are failed experiments. Skinner: So you suspect the Department of Defense is experimenting with genetic modification on humans? What do you think? Scully: I think there were many troubling details to this case, and, um... if Agent Mulder has nothing more to add... Mulder: I don't. Scully: .. then I think we need time to prove his theory. Skinner: The bureaucracy in the FBI has become increasingly complex and inefficient. It might take days for your incident report and order to close the investigation to make it through the proper channels. Welcome back, you two. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FOX MULDER - Special Agent (sign on office door) ] [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: Surveillance footage? Scully: Yeah, from Nugenics. I've been working on syncing all the cameras to the exact time code of Dr. Sanjay's suicide. (sighing) There. What happened to you at Sanjay's apartment, Mulder? I can understand why you wouldn't want to tell Skinner, but I was there, I saw you on your knees in pain. Mulder: I heard sounds. It was a high-pitched frequency, like-like a steel spike being driven through my head. And then it focused into two words... "Find her." Scully: There were no sounds. I didn't hear anything. Mulder: Look at those birds. Scully: Maybe they seeded the lawn that morning. Mulder: Infrasounds, Scully. Vibrations inaudible to the human ear but known to drive the worms up through the soil to the surface, in response to them. Scully: Mulder, how are these connected? The birds, the suicide, the kids, the genetic anomalies. What are you hiding? Mulder: Augustus Goldman is the only one who might know how it all fits together. We gotta talk to him. What are you hiding? (keyboard clacks) Scully: Sanjay heard sounds... right before he committed suicide. That could be you, Mulder. This is dangerous. Mulder: (scoffs) When has that ever stopped us before? Scully: I might know how to get to Goldman. [SCENE_BREAK] [ OUR LADY OF SORROWS HOSPITAL WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sister Mary: Augustus. Yes, I know him well, but he's a very private person. Some would say reclusive. Without him, we wouldn't have the resources to help these women in need. He's a true champion of the unborn. Scully: Dr. Goldman is a blessing. That's why we're here today. I've become aware of a situation that I wanted to share with you. Dr. Goldman is under investigation. Mulder: Obamacare. Scully: We wanted to spare him the indignity of having the government knock at his door unannounced. I was wondering if we could meet with him in private. Sister Mary: Dana, I'm afraid Our Lady of Sorrows cannot be a conduit for the FBI to one of our biggest donors. Scully: Sister Mary, I've worked here for seven years. You know me. Sister Mary: Yes, and I know your heart's in the right place. Scully: I wouldn't ask if it weren't important. Sister Mary: I have a number I can call. I'll agree to relay a message. Scully: Thank you. Mulder: Ask Dr. Goldman if he'll talk to us about the Founder's Mutation. Sister Mary: Stay here. (tapping on glass) Agnes: I got to get out of here. Mulder: What's your name? Agnes: Agnes. You got a car? Scully: Do you want to call someone? Agnes: You think if I could call someone I would be asking you? Just forget it. I knew you weren't gonna help me. Scully: Agnes. Wait. I'm a doctor. You can tell me anything. Agnes: I don't belong here. Not with these sheep. I don't care what I signed. Scully: The hospital is only concerned with the health of the mother and the baby. Agnes: My baby. Scully: Of course, your baby. Agnes: I changed my mind. I'm not giving it up. I don't care if he's sick. Mulder: Sick? Agnes: My baby's not right. They saw it on the... ultrasound thing, and I had a feeling, you know, ever since I got pregnant. But everybody here has the same story. Just don't say anything. I was just kidding around, okay? Mulder: If you ever want to talk. Sister Mary: I've spoken to Augustus. He said he'd be happy to meet you. Scully: Thank you. Mulder: Sister Mary, how are the patients chosen to be here? Sister Mary: They're homeless, damaged in one way or another. Alcohol, drugs, no fathers in the picture. Men and their lies. No offense. Desire is the devil's pitchfork. But as long as there's a need and an innocent child, we'll provide for each and every one. [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: It's insidious, Scully. A ward for pregnant women paid for by Augustus Goldman, the founder of a company with deep ties to the Department of Defense. This could be another phase of the project-- their experiments in eugenics. Those women in there... could be incubators. Scully: Mulder... I'm not a fragile little girl. Mulder: Scully... Scully: This is what you suspected all along, but were afraid to articulate. Is this what you believe happened to me 15 years ago? When I got pregnant, when I had my baby? Was I just an incubator? Mulder: You're never "just" anything to me, Scully. Scully: Do you ever think about William? Mulder: Yes, of course I do, but I've... I feel like I've had to put that behind me. Scully: He'd be 15 years old now. And I've missed every single year of his life. And sometimes... I hate myself that I didn't have the courage to stand by him. Mulder: You did what you did to keep him safe. His adoption is secret, his location is unknown because you had to protect him. Scully: Do you believe he was an experiment? Mulder: I don't know. Scully: What if he's out there somewhere, like one of those kids on Sanjay's wall, fighting for his life? Mulder: All we can do, Scully, is pull the thread, see what it unravels. [SCENE_BREAK] (class bell ringing, student chatting) Scully: It's the first day of school. Are you nervous? Your hands are sweaty. William: Ew! That's you. Scully: (laughs) What's the most important thing to remember? William: Sit still, listen, say "excuse me" if you fart. Scully: (laughs) The most important thing to remember is that I love you. That's all you have to remember. Come on, let's go say hi to your teacher. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] (bell ringing, kids chattering) William: Hi, Mom. Bye, Mom. Scully: Be home in time for dinner! [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: (quietly): Will... William: I'm scared. Scully: You're gonna be fine. You've just broken your arm. Does it hurt anywhere else? Okay, we're gonna get you to the hospital, and take some X-rays to make sure you don't have a concussion, okay, honey? [SCENE_BREAK] William: Mom! Mom, please! Mom! Scully: (gasps) William: What's happening to me? [SCENE_BREAK] [ GOLDMAN TECHNOLOGY WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] Dr. Goldman: "Founder's Mutation." Intriguing message. Mulder: It's what Sanjay wrote on his hand. Dr. Goldman: Yes, before his unfortunate act of self-destruction. Very dramatic, but meaningless. Scully: I've read everything you published, Dr. Goldman. It seems your research deals primarily with genetic manipulation. Dr. Goldman: Let me try to explain to you what we do here. It's no secret. We're trying to save children. I won't tell you their last names, to protect their privacy, but I can tell you what they are fighting against-- Proteus syndrome... Crouzon syndrome... all kinds of cancerous tumors... epidermal displasia... Pitt-Hawkins syndrome, ichthyosis, Marfan syndrome, among others. We are a cutting-edge research facility for these unfortunate patients. There's absolutely no cost involved to be treated here. Would you like to talk to him? Scully: Sure. (switch clicks) Dr. Goldman: Adam? Dr. Goldman (over speaker): You have a visitor. Scully (over speaker): Hi, Adam. Scully: My name is Dr. Scully. How long have you been here, Adam? Adam: Forever. Scully: And where are your parents? Adam: I don't have any. Dr. Goldman: He was sent to us as a baby. Adam has a form of Crouzon syndrome. Scully: And why is he in a sealed room? All of the children. He has a genetic disorder. He's not contagious. Dr. Goldman: Thank you, Adam. We are working with therapies unavailable anywhere in the world. We need to eliminate the environmental factors that could affect the outcome. I am searching for the key that was the seed to all of these terrible genetic abnormalities. Scully: Alien DNA? Is that why the Department of Defense is funding your research? Dr. Goldman: Dr. Scully, I was told that you were the rational one. Molly: No! Let go! Man: Molly! Oop! Molly: Let go of me! No! No! No! No! No! Dr. Goldman: I'm afraid that that is all the time that I have. Sarah will show you out. Sarah: This way, please. Scully: He didn't answer my question. (Molly screaming) Molly: Let go of me! Man: Molly! Molly! Molly: No! No! No! No! (Molly continues screaming and yelling) Scully: Did you see that, Mulder? Mulder: Interesting. (beeping) Mulder: Something's happened to Agnes. [SCENE_BREAK] Officer: We found the victim with your card in her pocket. Hit and run-- car was moving pretty fast. Skid marks from back there up to the point of impact. (siren approaching) Officer: We're checking cameras in the area. No witnesses. Scully: What about the baby? Officer: What are you talking about? Scully: She was pregnant. Mulder: The baby's gone. (siren wailing) [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: Mulder... Mulder: Hmm? Scully: Agnes died from blunt force trauma. Most likely from the impact of the car. Her right ulna was broken in two places, her lungs were lacerated by broken ribs, and her skull was crushed. Mulder: What about the baby? Scully: Surgically removed. I couldn't tell if the fetus was still alive when it was taken from her womb, but... they took it, Mulder. To get rid of evidence. Agnes wanted to talk. She left the hospital. That baby was the only proof that she was part of Goldman's experiment. Mulder: What if the baby was still alive? Scully: Mulder, that car hit her so hard that a, an adult woman with the benefit of a mature skeletal structure wasn't able to survive the impact. It's highly unlikely that the baby would remain viable. Mulder: Unlikely for human fetuses. In 1973, the Syndicate was convened to assist in a project to colonize the world by creating alien/human hybrids. The project was ultimately unsuccessful. I doubt they ever stopped trying. Scully: But what you're talking about is changing the genetic makeup of a population. That's the next step in evolution. Mulder: Every new species begins with a Founder's Mutation. One child with the correct combination of DNA could be a start. Scully: There was a study published last year in Nature Communications, by Batini and Hallast, that found that Y chromosomes in the majority of European men could be traced back to just three individuals from the Bronze Age. Mulder: I did some digging around the police archives, looking for anything related to Goldman. 17 years ago, Jackie Goldman was remanded to St. Elizabeth's hospital as a forensics patient. She was adjudicated criminally insane. Scully: Dr. Goldman's wife? Mulder: She was convicted of murdering her baby. That body also was never found. [SCENE_BREAK] [ SAINT ELIZABETH HOSPITAL WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: Mrs. Goldman, we'd like to ask you a few questions about your husband. About his work? Scully: Mulder, she hasn't said anything in ten minutes. (yowling) Mulder: You don't like cats? Mrs. Goldman: What do you want? Scully: Can we ask you a few questions, Jackie? Mrs. Goldman: Not about my husband. He is the one still keeping me here. Mulder: Do you miss your daughter? Mrs. Goldman: Molly. [ Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman: You should see, uh, that one, that one. Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): I love my daughter. But... there was... something odd... about her. I felt it from the day she was born. I-I didn't know for sure... until she was two. Mrs. Goldman: Where's Molly? Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): She fell in the pool and nobody noticed. Molly was underwater for at least ten minutes. She should've been dead. I never told anyone else this. Not only was she alive... she was breathing in the water. (muffled exclamation) [ End Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman: The other moms thought it was a miracle. But I knew what it was. My husband... did... something to the embryo. He used our own daughter for his research. I was nine months pregnant at the time. I was not about to let him have my son. I had to get away from that monster. [ Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman: (gasping) Dr. Goldman: Please... don't go. I love you. Mrs. Goldman: I want my daughter, Augustus. Dr. Goldman: She is safe, so are you, right here with me. Mrs. Goldman: What did you do to her?! Dr. Goldman: Jackie! Jackie! Mrs. Goldman: No! (panting) [ End Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman: He took Molly away. He hid her from me. So I got in the car and I drove. I just drove, no idea where to go. I knew there was no chance they would leave me alone. I had another baby in my belly. Mulder: "They"? Mrs. Goldman: The government. Augustus worked for them. I couldn't trust anyone. Especially the police. I was so scared. I was going too fast. [ Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): And there was an animal in the middle of the road. I-I panicked and I crashed. (moaning) (gasping) (grunting) (sobs) (grunting) Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): I thought I was gonna die. (rapid gasping) Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): But that's when I heard the sound. (tone ringing) (screams) [ End Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman: It was so loud and piercing; it hurt. It was in my head. [ Flashback ] (tone ringing) (screaming) Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): He was talking to me in the only way that he knew how. And I knew what I had to do. [ End Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman: They said I killed my baby. I didn't. [ Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): I let him out. [ End Flashback ] Scully: Do you know what happened to your son? Mrs. Goldman: Passed out from loss of blood. Woke up in a hospital. I never saw my boy again. I think about him every day. Scully: A mother never forgets. [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: All my training, everything that I know about psychology tells me that she's delusional, but, Mulder, there's something about her that I trust. Mulder: She heard a tone in her head, a screech-- that's what happened to me. Scully: Are you saying that you think the baby that communicated with her communicated with you? Mulder: Wouldn't be a baby anymore. Excuse me. Uh, you don't work for the hospital, do you? You're a subcontractor? Man: Yeah. A-1 Janitorial. We're all over the city. Mulder: Thank you. Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: A-1 Janitorial also services Nugenics. You'll recognize the uniform. He's cleaning the office directly above the Secured Servers vault. He's no more than 15 feet away from Dr. Sanjay at the time of his death. (tapping keys) Scully: Action, reaction. (beeping) Mulder: I made a request for the name of the janitor on duty. Turns out he also worked at St. Elizabeth's last month. High school dropout Kyle Gilligan. We got him. [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: I'm Special Agent Scully. This is Special Agent Mulder. We'd like to speak with Kyle Gilligan. Mrs. Gilligan: I'm his mother. Mulder: Is he around? We'd like to ask him a few questions about an incident at work. Mrs. Gilligan: The suicide? Mulder: You heard about that. Mrs. Gilligan: There's not a thing that goes on in my son's life that I don't know. Scully: Well, we'd still like to speak with him. Mrs. Gilligan: He's got nothing to say. Scully: Why don't you let us decide that? Mrs. Gilligan: I don't like to expose my son to stressful situations. It's not good for him. He doesn't understand it. He's simple. And he's a minor. And I won't allow it. Mulder: You didn't give birth to Kyle. Scully: (quietly) Mulder... Mrs. Gilligan: What did you say? Mulder: After the accident, where'd you find him? Mrs. Gilligan: Get the hell off my porch. Mulder: Your son is unique; have you ever wondered why? Mrs. Gilligan: Get out! Scully: Mulder, she's making it pretty clear. (birds cawing, wings fluttering) (birds screeching, squawking) Mrs. Gilligan: (quietly) Bad things happen when the birds gather. (tone ringing) Mulder: Aah! (ringing intensifies) Mulder: Aah... (groaning) Scully: Mulder...? Mulder! Mulder! (gasps) Where is he?! (tone ringing intensely) Mulder: (yelling in pain) Scully: Where is he?! (birds squawking) (mother shouting) (tone continues ringing) (tone ringing) Scully: Whatever you're doing, stop right there. (inhales) Mrs. Gilligan: Don't take him! (crying) Don't! Please don't take him! He didn't know what he was doing! He was just trying to protect me! [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: Is that true, Kyle? That you don't know what you're doing? Why did you kill Dr. Sanjay? Kyle: I didn't want him to die. Mulder: You made him kill himself. Kyle: No! I would never. He was... was helping me. Mulder: You got inside his head. You got inside my head. You can make people hear things. Like you just did; like you did to me in Sanjay's apartment. But you can't control it. Kyle: I just want to find my sister. Scully: Molly? Mulder: At the hospital, where you worked. You heard Jackie's story. Kyle: She told me that he has her. And Jackie is my real mother, okay? I have to find my sister. Mulder: Kyle, nobody knows where she is. Scully: I know who knows. [SCENE_BREAK] (switch clicks) Dr. Goldman: Hmm. Would you mind if I took some blood? Kyle: Where's Molly? Dr. Goldman: How do you know that name? Kyle: My... (gasps, groans) ...mother told me to find her. Dr. Goldman: And what would you do... once you found her? Kyle: I don't... know. Dr. Goldman: I'm gonna let you meet Molly. [SCENE_BREAK] Kyle: Molly? (quiet laugh) Molly: What's your name? Kyle: Kyle. (quiet laugh) No. Y-You're not my sister. No! (clattering, thudding) Scully: Kyle...? Kyle: Molly? You're Molly. Molly (telepathically): I didn't know I had a brother. Kyle: I can hear you. Are you ready? (rumbling) Mulder: Kyle! (electrical buzzing and crackling) Dr. Goldman: Molly! No! No! Molly: Daddy, just let me go! Dr. Goldman: Get the hell away from her! (tone ringing, electrical buzzing) (screaming) Scully: Kyle! Mulder: Scully! (Goldman screaming) (electrical buzzing) Mulder: Aah! (Goldman screams in agony) (tone ringing intensely) (Goldman screaming) [SCENE_BREAK] Skinner, keep your people behind the red tape. (helicopter flying over) Skinner: Department of Defense has control of the facility. It's now classified as top secret. We no longer have jurisdiction here. Scully: Have they found Molly or Kyle? Skinner: You were the last one to see them, Agent Mulder. Mulder: I blacked out after Goldman's eyes popped out of their sockets. Believe me, you can't unsee that. Skinner: Well, they're gone; there's no trace of them anywhere. (helicopter flying over) Scully: Kyle's blood. Mulder: A trace. [ Flashback ] (growls, screeches) William: Monkeys. Mulder: Yeah, that's... well, that's early man, William. (screeching, hooting) Mulder: And that's the monolith. William: What's a "momomyth"? Mulder: Some people think it represents our first contact with aliens. Other people think it represents the beginning of human knowledge. I... I think one day you'll probably have your own ideas about it. (hooting, grunting, screeching) William: Dad... Mulder: Hmm? William: My fin broke. Mulder: Oh. William: Space is hard. Mulder: "All great and honorable actions are undertaken with great difficulty." (imitating President Kennedy): "We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do other things, not because they're easy... Both: "But because they are hard." (chuckles) Mulder: That's right. William: Come on, let's light this candle. We'll do yours first. Mulder: Okay. There you go. You ready? William: Yep. Mulder: Five, four, three, two, one. William: Ignition. I'm gonna go up there someday. William (O.C.): Dad! Mulder: William! (rumbling) William: Dad! Mulder: No! (rumbling fades) [ End Flashback ] [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: Right now, we are in deep trouble. (yells) Scully: We'll be getting another case, Mulder. It has a monster in it. (both yelling) Scully: It's a fresh kill. Mulder: So we're looking for a man-sized horned lizard with human teeth. Scully: Mulder, the internet is not good for you. (growls) Mulder?! The X-Files-- all new next Monday on FOX.
doc_285	[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - BARBARY COAST HOTEL-- NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SUV - NIGHT] (A speeding SUV peals around the corner.) (Cut to a train running on the tracks.) (Cut to the SUV speeding down the road. MEGAN TREADWELL, the driver of the SUV, looks to the side and notices the train. She hears the train whistle blow. Still, she steps on the gas, hoping to beat the train across the track.) Megan Treadwell: (urgently) Come on, come on, come on, come on. Come on, come on! (The train crossing bell ring a warning. The train is approaching.) (The SUV brakes screech. The train approaches. MEGAN TREADWELL steps of the breaks again, the car tires screech and still her car moves forward. Her car moves forward slowly, slowly through the crossing guard rail.) (The SUV stops on the tracks. The train approaches. MEGAN TREADWELL looks out the car window and screams as the train smashes into her car.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TRAIN TRACKS - NIGHT] (Scene opens with a close up of a power saw cutting through the SUV door.) (CATHERINE approaches the scene carrying her CSI kit. BRASS turns around when CATHERINE reaches him and starts filling her in on the case.) Brass: Paramedics pronounced twenty minutes ago. Megan Treadwell. I ran her plates. Thirty-three tomorrow. Catherine: One-on-one with a train. Did she think that she could beat it? (CATHERINE looks at BRASS, then heads toward GRISSOM, who is checking the train out. She puts her kit down.) Catherine: Hey. (GRISSOM is busy looking at something on the front of the train. CATHERINE leans in for a better look.) Catherine: Door handle. Grissom: Point of impact: Passenger-side door. Catherine: Dead center. (They look on the side as Forensics carry the bagged body away on a gurney.) Grissom: Question is: Why did the SUV cross the tracks? Catherine: (deadpans) To get to the other side. (GRISSOM looks at CATHERINE.) HARD CUT TO BLACK. END OF TEASER. ROLL TITLE CREDITS. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TRAIN TRACKS -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE walks down the steps of TRAIN #4009. When she gets to the ground, GRISSOM is on his cell phone. He hangs up.) Grissom: Sheriff says we're holding up trains all over the country. This entire railroad division depends on keeping the main line open. Catherine: Well, it's not like we can take this back to the garage. Grissom: Well, unfortunately, his priority is clearing this train from the tracks. You have two hours. (GRISSOM turns to leave. CATHERINE calls out to him.) Catherine: Where are you going? Grissom: Suspicious circs in town. This one's all yours. Catherine: Thanks, but you got to give me some guys. Grissom: Sara's all you get. Catherine: All I need. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WESTERN STATE HISTORICAL SOCIETY (LIBRARY) -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM enters the library. He's met up by DET. RAY O'RILEY, who fills him in on the scene. In the background, the alarm continues to ring.) O'Riley: "Burglary in progress" call. Once we made entry, we found the victim downstairs. Never knew this place existed. (O'RILEY and GRISSOM continue down the stairs to the lower level.) Grissom: The Western States Historical Society. It's not on a lot of tourist maps. (The alarm stops ringing.) Det. Ray O'Riley: I had them cut the wires. Grissom: We need to identify the source of the alarm, Ray. Security company said it was downstairs. The body's there, too. (DET. O'RILEY opens the door and walks in. GRISSOM follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WESTERN STATE HISTORICAL SOCIETY (LIBRARY) - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (O'RILEY and GRISSOM enter the lower room.) O'Riley: (looking up at the ceiling) Trying to get them to turn some more lights on in here. Grissom: There are no more lights, O'Riley. It's a controlled environment. Notice how you're not sweating? It's probably sixty-six degrees in here. Thirty-five percent relative humidity. Too much light, too much heat degrades the books. (In front of them, two firemen cut try to cut the lock on the cage.) Grissom: What-- nobody's got a key? O'Riley: The curator's across town. He's on his way. She looks dead to me. (The firemen put the cutters away and one gets out a power saw. He starts cutting the lock.) (The door is unlocked. The fireman opens the door and GRISSOM steps aside for the paramedics.) Grissom: You got first touch. (The two paramedics enter the cage. They put their cases down and work on the woman on the floor. GRISSOM also walks inside after them and kneels in close to look at the body.) Medic: 10:48. MEDIC: Red foam, blue tint. Grissom: Foam could be from blood in her lungs. Edema. Skin is cyanotic. Maybe a blood disease. Leukemia. Meningitis. We'll know after the post. (GRISSOM stands and gets out his camera. He starts to take pictures of the body. The camera flashes several times. Behind GRISSOM, outside the cage, a young man protests.) Aaron Pratt: Don't do that. Grissom: (turns around) Excuse me? Aaron Pratt: These are very rare books. Det. Ray O'Riley: Aaron Pratt. Librarian. Only other person here when the alarm sounded. Grissom: Did he tell you what he was doing here? O'Riley: Oh, yeah. Watching her. Set off the alarm, trying to get in the cage. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WESTERN STATE HISTORICAL SOCIETY (LIBRARY) -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM questions the Librarian, AARON PRATT.) Aaron Pratt: I wasn't watching her. I always say "good night" to Veronica because I have to leave at 8:03 to catch the 8:10 bus. It's three blocks away. And sometimes the bus comes at 8:08, so I have to rush to catch it. Grissom: So you went down to the basement to say good night. Aaron Pratt: "Good night, Veronica." "Good night, Aaron." Sometimes she ... w-walks me to the bus. Grissom: Did she walk you to the bus tonight? Aaron Pratt: "Are you coming?" "No. You go ahead without me. I have more work to do." (AARON gets very serious as he remembers what happens next.) Aaron Pratt: Then ... a uniball pen ... (Quick flashback to a camera close up of VERONICA BRADLEY'S hand holding the pen and the pen slipping out from her fingers. This happens in slow motion. The pen falls. The pen rolls across the table.) Aaron Pratt: (V.O.) rolled across the desk ... fell onto the chair ... (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Aaron Pratt: ... hit the floor ... (Quick flashback to the pen still rolling in slow motion.) Aaron Pratt: (V.O.) and stopped rolling at the wastebasket. (The pen stops rolling. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Aaron Pratt: Then water ... water falls into her eyes. Grissom: You mean she was sweating? Aaron Pratt: From her forehead. (Quick flashback to a veil of water falling from VERONICA'S forehead past her eyes.) Aaron Pratt: (V.O.) Lots ... (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Aaron Pratt: ... and then, she grabs her stomach ... with both hands. (Quick flashback to VERONICA BRADLEY dropping the book and clutching her abdomen.) Veronica Bradley: Aaron ... (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Aaron Pratt: ... "Aaron" ... Then she put on her new face. Shelley's Frankenstein. Up and d-down ... flopping around like ... (Quick flashback to VERONICA BRADLEY falling to the floor in seizures.) Aaron Pratt: (V.O.) ... a salmon on my uncle's fishing boat. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: She was convulsing. Aaron Pratt: I ... couldn't help her ... because the cage is locked and I don't have a key. (NICK approaches the table.) Nick: Hey, there. Warrick's got three residential burglaries, so ... Grissom: Mr. Pratt, will you excuse me for a moment? (NICK and GRISSOM walk to the back of the room..) Nick: According to O'Riley this guy's body language says he's guilty. Grissom: I think he's autistic. Nick: Autistic? You mean like Rain Man? Grissom: Rain Man was a savant. Extremely rare. Aaron Pratt is a high-functioning autistic man with superior right-brain ability. Nick: Kind of sounds like you. Grissom: The crime scene's in the basement. (NICK leaves to go to the basement.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROADWAY BY CRASH SITE - NIGHT] (CATHERINE and SARA walk side-by-side with their eyes glued to the road trying to look for evidence.) Sara: Man, I hate rushing through a crime scene. Two years from now, no one is going to care that the Sheriff turned this into a "scoop and run." Catherine: Call was made above our heads. Just document the time in your notes. Sara: Yeah, well, I'll let you testify on this one. Catherine: Thanks. (Off to the side of the road, a little dog comes running toward them. Both CATHERINE and SARA kneel to get the dog.) Catherine: Aw ... Sara: Hey, little guy. Hey. Hey. Let's see. (SARA checks his collar.) Sara: His name is Maverick. He lives on Martingale Street in Henderson. Catherine: That's not that far from here. Sara: Guess I'll go call animal control. Catherine: Okay. Sara: I'll be right back. (SARA picks up the dog.) Sara: Hey. Come on, boy. Let's get you home. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROADWAY BY CRASH SITE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (BRASS questions the TRAIN ENGINEER.) Brass: So let me get this straight, all you saw was a car trying to beat the signal? Train Engineer: I'm putting 55 miles an hour. It's dark. I got an oil leak, can't figure out where. I looked up and I saw something. Brass: The SUV. Train Engineer: Like I said, it was dark. I thought it was stopping. I turned my head for one second. Next thing I know, it's in the middle of the tracks. With all due respect we've got the right of way out here. Brass: Thanks for your time. (BRASS nods. The TRAIN ENGINEER leaves. SARA walks up to BRASS carrying MAVERICK in her arms.) Brass: That's not yours, is it? Sara: I am collecting evidence. Do we have an address on the vic yet? Brass: 855 Martingale. Sara: Vic had a passenger. Say hello to Maverick. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM walks into the room. ROBBINS is washing his hands. He turns off the faucet.) Grissom: Have you finished with our lady of the library? Robbins: As finished as I'm going to be. You were right. Cyanosis. Blood was unable to oxygenate her tissue. (Quick CGI POV as the camera travels to the deceased's face. The deceased's head rises and eyes open. The camera continues down her mouth as it opens slightly. It travels down her wind pipe where the muscles closes the passage. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Grissom: Explains the blue face. Underlying cause? Robbins: With blood in her lungs, asphyxiation's out. I found vomit in her throat, bloody stool, hemolysis and some irritation of the mucous membrane on her tongue. I won't know more till I get the blood test back. Could be blood-borne disease. Grissom: I'm thinking about homicide. Robbins: Then you know more than I do. (ROBBINS looks at GRISSOM who's looking at the body. GRISSOM looks up at ROBBINS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WESTERN STATE HISTORICAL SOCIETY (LIBRARY) - THE CAGE -- NIGHT] (NICK is in the cage dusting for prints on the books. In the background, a well-dressed man descends the stairs.) Officer: Excuse me, sir. Stanley Hunter: It's fine. Nick: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sir, you can't come in here. Stanley Hunter: I told the officer upstairs. I'm Stanley Hunter. (At NICK'S blank look, he continues.) Stanley Hunter: The curator. Do you have any idea the damage you're causing? With your dust, flashbulbs. You see that? (STANLEY HUNTER points to a book behind NICK. He walks forward toward it to emphasize it's importance.) Stanley Hunter: Right there, behind you. That is a 17th century text by Johannes Van Den Avelen. It's one of two volumes in the world. Now, do you go to the Louvre and put your hands all over the Raft of the Medusa? Nick: Officer, Mr. Hunter would like to give a statement to Detective O'Riley. Stanley Hunter: Statement? Nick: Mm-hmm. (Behind them, DET. O'RILEY and GRISSOM enter the room and stand just outside the cage as STANLEY HUNTER continues to talk to NICK.) Stanley Hunter: I just got here. I don't even know what happened. But what I do know is that these are masterpieces. One of a kind. Grissom: They're evidence in an active criminal investigation -- also one of a kind. Det. O'Riley: Mr. Hunter, why don't we go upstairs and talk? (STANLEY HUNTER leaves with DET. O'RILEY. GRISSOM puts his gloves on and looks around the room.) (From a round POV, he views the table to the chair to the floor and he sees the pen near the wastebasket. GRISSOM walks over to it and picks it up. He looks at it.) Grissom: The good news, Nick? We had a camera in here. Nick: There's no surveillance system. Grissom: Yeah, there is -- Aaron Pratt. We just have to figure out how to get the film out of his head. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROADWAY BY CRASH SITE - NIGHT] (The tow truck takes the damaged SUV away. CATHERINE and SARA continue to take photographs of the crime scene.) (Between evidence markers #16 and #17, there's a piece of glass. CATHERINE picks it up and looks at it.) Catherine: Filament. Sara: Train probably busted out her headlights. First thing on our list when we get to the tow yard. (SARA looks at the treadmarks on the road. Something puzzles her about it.) Sara: Catherine ... check this out. (SARA snaps a photo of it.) Catherine: Two sets of skid marks. Sara: One set going forward ... (Quick flashback to the SUV stopping and skidding to a stop. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: These skid marks are about seven feet shy of the gate. (SARA walks over to the next set of skid marks between evidence markers #18 and Sara: The second set of skid marks are darker more rubber residue. Catherine: Could be an overlay. (SARA snaps several photos.) Sara: Looks like the tires were spinning in place. (Quick flashback to the SUV burning rubber. Cut to a close up of the tires running in reverse.) Sara: (V.O.) In reverse. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Burning rubber. Going nowhere. Sara: So ... which set of skid marks are telling the story? Catherine: Maybe they both are. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WESTERN STATE HISTORICAL SOCIETY (LIBRARY) - THE CAGE -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM is questioning STANLEY HUNTER inside the cage.) Grissom: So, all of your chemicals in here are alkaline? Stanley Hunter: We're not dealing with the far ends of the ph range. See, old book pages are slightly acidic. The acid eats away the paper. We neutralize them by a solution that's slightly basic. Grissom: To reach "7," the neutral ph. Stanley Hunter: Exactly. Imidazole. Fifteen percent ammonia. That's the sort of thing we work with here. It's all about preserving the books. No, not that you could even assign a value but do you have any idea how much each of these books is worth? Grissom: No. Stanley Hunter: The first printed book was a Gutenberg Bible. It sold at Christie's for $5.3 million. Lewis and Clark's elk skin journal sold for $500,000. We have an illustrated Audubon, The Birds of America, which is worth an estimated $30,000. Grissom: All of that and you never thought about beefing up your security? Stanley Hunter: You know, special collections are kept in the vault. Any rare book removed from the vault gets scanned through a coder. If the book is to be read it's delivered to a secure room upstairs. And if Veronica was going to work on it, it stayed down here. Grissom: Is this one of the books that Veronica was restoring? Stanley Hunter: Yes. It ... it was published in 1797. The author was a British Botanist. It's worth an estimated $300,000. It's really not a dangerous profession. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WESTERN STATE HISTORICAL SOCIETY (LIBRARY) -- NIGHT] (AARON PRATT reshelves books. DET. O'RILEY walks up to GRISSOM.) Det. O'Riley: We got a situation. You know that weird guy? Grissom: He's not weird, O'Riley, he's autistic. Det. O'Riley: Whatever. First on the scene, and he's got sticky fingers. (DET. O'RILEY hands GRISSOM a book.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM stands next to AARON PRATT as he works.) Grissom: "But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve / for daws to peck at. I am not what I am." Aaron Pratt: Othello, act one, scene one. Line 61 and 62, Iago to Roderigo. Grissom: Very good, Aaron. Now, you want to tell me how Othello ended up in your briefcase? (AARON looks around.) Aaron Pratt: It's my ... favorite Shakespeare tragedy. Grissom: I like Hamlet myself. And I bet Mr. Hunter is into King Lear. He's very concerned with property rights. He tells me the rare books are kept in the vault and they're not allowed off-site. Aaron Pratt: Mr. Hunter doesn't like me. Det. Ray O'Riley: I don't think the rule was made with you in mind. Aaron Pratt: He breaks the rules all the time. Grissom: He takes the books home? Aaron Pratt: No. He... eats his lunch in his office. Carrots, celery tuna on whole wheat ... and Veronica. Grissom: What do you mean, "and Veronica"? Aaron Pratt: She's eating and he takes her sandwich ... (Quick series of flashbacks. Veronica sighing as STANLEY HUNTER kisses her neck. Cut to his hands on her breasts. Cut to his hands running down her thighs. Cut to them kissing at his desk. In the background near the door, AARON PRATT watches.) Aaron Pratt: (V.O.) and he puts his hand on her breast. And then he puts his tongue ... Grissom: (V.O.) (interrupting) Aaron ... (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: I get it. Did they know that you were watching them? (AARON PRATT looks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DUMP SITE - NIGHT] (CATHERINE and SARA check the SUV out after it's been towed. SARA notices something.) Sara: Hey, you know that filament you picked up? Catherine: Yeah. Sara: The lamp cover's smashed, but the filament's intact. Catherine: So what, the filament's from another car? Sara: Well, taillights have different filaments, so ... yeah. (CATHERINE kneels to examine the back bumper. She finds something.) Catherine: Paint transfer. Sara: Recent? Catherine: Hard to say. (SARA peers inside the car and notices a bag of gourmet doggie treats from "Vegas Finest". They're Bac'n'Chees flavored. SARA gets into the front seat of the car.) Catherine: You know, this right rear tire's lost a lot of rubber. (SARA finds a cell phone on the driver side floor. She checks it out.) Sara: I got a cell phone. Battery's dead. (SARA also notices something else strange.) Sara: Hey, Catherine ... her emergency brake is still on. Catherine: Maybe her brakes failed or she had to engage it for some reason you know, I'm thinking that maybe another vehicle was involved. Sara: Engineer didn't mention anything about a second driver. Catherine: Maybe he didn't see it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO LAB -- NIGHT] (ROBBINS walks down the hallway to the lab where NICK is testing the chemical bottles from the cage. ROBBINS enters the room.) Robbins: Fifteen minutes before my next post. Bottled chemicals from the library? (NICK nods his head.) Robbins: Hey. Great room. Great table. I could use this. Lay out all the body parts. Get a real overview. Is that a light under there? Nick: Do you have something for me? Robbins: Oh, your vic. Poisoned. Substance as yet unidentified. Nick: Well, there's no smoking gun in any of these bottles. What's on the label is what's in the bottle. Isopropyl alcohol ... 15% ammonia solution ... imidazole ... bleach. (NICK gets up and walks to the doorway.) Robbins: When you isolate the toxin you'll have a better idea where it came from. Nick ... Nick: Hmm? (NICK turns around.) Robbins: I love this table. (NICK smiles and nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (SARA is looking at the filament that they found on the road. CATHERINE is fiddling with the cell phone.) Sara: There's no glass on the filament. Catherine: 10:30 at night? Sara: Crim 101. If a guy's driving along at night with his lights on ... (Quick CGI POV to loud tire screetching. The camera heads toward the light glass, through the light and down to the filament. A piece of glass melts.) Sara: (V.O.) gets in a wreck, glass breaks fuses to the filament. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Instant evidence. But there's no glass on the filament. His headlights weren't on. (CATHERINE stands up and walks to the scope to look.) (Cut to the scope view of the filament with no glass melted on it. CATHERINE thinks about it for a moment.) Catherine: Black car ... headlights off. Sara: Easy for an engineer to miss. Catherine: So he hit our SUV. Accidental or intentional? Sara: Hard to tell. Catherine: Maybe not. (CATHERINE looks down at the cell phone in her hands.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. AARON PRATT'S RESIDENCE] (AARON PRATT straightens a picture on the wall, then turns and watches as GRISSOM and NICK go through his things. GRISSOM looks through the books and NICK is looking through his mail.) Grissom: These books are from the Historical Society. Aaron Pratt: (nervous) That's my mail. Grissom: Aaron, what about these books? Aaron Pratt: Don't ... don't mix those up. (AARON grabs the mail from NICK and puts them back on the shelf.) Aaron Pratt: I have two bills due tomorrow -- gas and electric -- and I have to mail them on my way to work. Don't. (NICK calmly picks the mail up to continue to look through them. AARON grabs them from him again.) Aaron Pratt: (frustrated) You're messing everything up. (GRISSOM walks over to them.) Grissom: (interrupting) Aaron, may I have a glass of water, please? Aaron Pratt: (immediately) Of course you may. Grissom: Thank you. (AARON leaves to go to the kitchen.) Nick: Is this guy the real deal? Grissom: I think he's incapable of deception, Nick. We're just witnessing displaced anxiety. I mean, look around. Everything's in precise order. Nick: Organized by size. Grissom: Order provides comfort. His life is based on routine. Without it, he can't function. Nick: I'll check out the bedroom. (AARON returns and hands GRISSOM a glass of water.) Aaron Pratt: Mountain spring water, Calistoga, California. Bottled at the source. Grissom: Thank you. Aaron Pratt: You're welcome. (GRISSOM holds up a couple of books.) Grissom: Now, how did these books get here? (AARON grabs the books from GRISSOM and reshelves them in its proper order.) Aaron Pratt: Veronica brought them. Grissom: She was here. Aaron Pratt: Yes, she was here. We date. Grissom: What do you mean you date? Aaron Pratt: We have dinner -- roast beef, baked potato ... organic broccoli ... acacia pinot noir. Shakespeare in Love. DVD. Miramax. M-c-m-x-c-v-I-I-I. (Cut to NICK going through AARON PRATT'S dresser drawers.) (Cut back to AARON PRATT seeing NICK in the bedroom and starting toward him. GRISSOM stops him.) Grissom: You two were involved with each other? (AARON turns around.) Aaron Pratt: Why? Don't you think she would date someone like me? Grissom: No. You told me Veronica was involved with Mr. Hunter. Aaron Pratt: I have a masters in library science and an English Degree from UNLV. And some people like Mr. Hunter, treat me like a freak. But Veronica didn't. She ... loved me. Not him. (In the background, NICK stops searching the drawers and starts back toward GRISSOM.) Nick: Grissom. You might want to come back here a sec. (GRISSOM hands the glass of water back to AARON.) Grissom: Thank you. (AARON takes the water and smiles.) [BEDROOM] (NICK leads GRISSOM back to the bedroom dresser and pulls aside a piece of cloth. Under it is a lipstick, a pair of earrings, a couple of photos and a hair brush.) Nick: Personal effects. Like some creepy little shrine. Vic's hair. She was seeing Hunter. Aaron got jealous. Incapable of deception, huh? How do you feel about murder? (GRISSOM picks up a photo of VERONICA BRADLEY.) Grissom: "Yet she must die else she betray more men. Put out the light, and then put out the light." (He turns around to look at AARON PRATT standing in the living room behind them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (CATHERINE and SARA watch as ARCHIE JOHNSON works his magic on the 911 tape.) Archie Johnson: Last call on her cell phone was to 911. Reel to reel's already interfaced on my computer. (Start tape recording.) Dispatcher: (tape) 911, what's your emergency? Megan Treadwell: (tape) Oh, god, you've got to help me, please, help me. Dispatcher: (tape) Ma'am, try to calm down. Where are you? Megan Treadwell: (tape) I'm in my car. There's this maniac, he's following me ... Dispatcher: (tape) Ma'am, what's your location? Megan Treadwell: (tape) Help me, please! (End of tape recording.) Catherine: Can you isolate the individual tracks? Archie Johnson: Yes, ma'am. Catherine: Good. Lose the dog. Sara: Train, too, please. (ARCHIE turns off "TRACK 1: DOG" and "TRACK 2: TRAIN". He leaves "TRACK 3: VICTIM", "TRACK 4: DISPATCH" and "TRACK 5: CAR" on.) (Start tape recording.) Dispatcher: (tape) Ma'am, what's your location? Megan Treadwell: (tape) Help me, please! Oh, my god! (End tape recording.) Catherine: She was flooring it. Sara: With the emergency brake on? It doesn't make any sense. Catherine: Okay, lose the victim's voice and let's just hear the car. (He runs the track for a third time.) Archie Johnson: Two engines. Catherine: Separate them out. (He separates the remaining TRACK into two TRACKS. They run the tape again.) Archie Johnson: SUV -- sounds like any regular four-cylinder. (ARCHIE fiddles with the panel and runs the tape again.) Sara: Sounds like the same thing. Archie Johnson: Hang on. (ARCHIE runs the tape for a final time.) Archie Johnson: You hear that? Turbo. Probably diesel. (That's enough to confirm that there definitely was a second car there. CATHERINE leaves without a word. ARCHIE and SARA watch.) Sara: She definitely likes you. (SARA pats ARCHIE on the shoulder and leaves to follow CATHERINE.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (GREG is reading the test results.) Greg: You ever see the attack of the killer tomatoes? (NICK is also in the lab. GREG shows the results to NICK.) 'Cause there's something in the victim's blood that looks like one of those heirlooms. Nick: Well, it's not pulling a spectra. It's not a chemical. Greg: No, it's a large, ugly, globular mass. You know, it's probably a protein 'cause it's the largest mass of anything in the body-- except organs, of course. Nick: But it's foreign. How did it get in there? Greg: Cart before the horse, Nick. First you identify it then you figure out where it came from. (GREG walks to the cabinet and removes a thick book. He leaves through the book and finds what he's looking for.) Nick: I always thought you kept your p0rn in there. Greg: I move it around. Okay, now, this is a 66-kilodalton globular protein, composed of two disulfide-linked sub-units, a and B. Nick: Very impressive. Greg: And I know what you all think of me -- I'm just another pretty face who got to where I am by sleeping with Catherine. (GREG starts to draw on the clearboard to illustrate to NICK what he's looking at.) Greg: But seriously ... Phi Beta Kappa, Stanford. Can I help it if I'm hip? Nick: Yeah, yeah, which one of your relatives got you in? Greg: Full ride. Hey, eyes forward. A and B chains link together to form a large three-dimensional structure of these beta sheets and helices. Nick: Translation ... Greg: Wait! Nick: You just drew the molecular structure of a foreign protein. A Plant? Greg: Correct. But, more specifically, a lectin. (GREG goes back to the book and looks it up. He gasps.) Greg: This is nastier than I thought. It's ricin, a biotoxin. Nick: Biotoxin? Greg: Yeah. (reading) "B chain binds to glycoside residues which trigger endocytotic uptake of the protein which internalizes the toxin and begins the irreversible effects ... " Nick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop now. Biotoxin, as in anthrax, smallpox? I was at that crime scene for eight hours, man. Greg: Relax, man. It takes, like, two hours for ricin symptoms to show and, like, 48 more to kill you. Nick: (worried) What kind of symptoms are we talking about, here? Greg: Um ... sweats? Cramps? Nick: No. Greg: Convulsions? Nick: Mm-mm. [Translation: No.] Greg: Then you're fine. Greg: And where did you say this woman worked? Nick: Western State Historical Society. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GRISSOM walks in through the double doors and catches ROBBINS.) Grissom: Hey. (ROBBINS looks up and stops.) Grissom: I just got the word on our library victim. How does ricin grab you? Robbins: Well, ricin. I never would have gone there but it explains the irritation of the mucous membrane on her tongue. (Quick POV flash to the victim with her mouth open and tongue hanging out to show a close up of the irritation. End of POV.) Grissom: So you think she ate the poison. Robbins: I don't know about ate but the ricin made contact with the tongue which means you're probably looking for a powder. (GRISSOM nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WESTERN STATE HISTORICAL SOCIETY (LIBRARY) - THE CAGE] (A couple of suited up guys return back to the cage. NICK puts his CSI kit down, opens it and takes out a large piece of equipment.) (Dissolve to Inside the Cage where NICK gathers and bags anything that looks like powder. (Dissolve to NICK bagging some small glass containers and handing them to the other guy there with him. He turns to continue looking.) (Several dissolves as NICK looks.) (Dissolve to NICK opening up VERONICA BRADLEY 'S make-up compact.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (CATHERINE walks into the lab. SARA is already there where she has the contents of MEGAN TREADWELL'S car spread out in front of her on the table.) Catherine: Day in the life. Sara: Megan Treadwell wakes up at home on Martingale street puts the dog in the car, heads to work at her desk by 9:00 A.M. Catherine: We know this how? Sara: Brass. Talked to her boss. Catherine: Why the dog? Sara: Dog went with her, every day. Catherine: So she works till six? Sara: Eight, actually. Hard worker. Catherine: Finishes packs up and leaves the office. Sara: Except she doesn't go home. She runs an errand. I found these in the front seat of her SUV. There's only one store in Las Vegas that makes them. (SARA lifts up the bag of Bac'n'Cheez doggie treats from "Vegas' Finest.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE PET PLACE -- NIGHT] (SARA, CATHERINE and BRASS question the workers there.) Worker 1 (red-haired): Yeah, it happens all the time. Parking spaces are too narrow, and at a premium now that the restaurant moved in. This guy was out of line, almost... psycho. Brass: Because of this woman? (BRASS holds out a photo of MEGAN TREADWELL. The worker immediately knows her by her dog.) Worker 1 (red-haired): Yeah. Maverick's owner. I think her name was, um, something with an M. Sara: Megan. (CATHERINE is in the back looking around the shop. She turns around when she hears Megan's name.) Worker 1 (red-haired): Yeah. And this guy yelled so loud. I came out here just to check it out. He said something like ... Worker 2 (dark-haired): "You could have kill me, bitch!" I heard it, too. Brass: Did you see it? Worker 2 (dark-haired): Kind of. I mean, I didn't hear a crash or anything, just brakes. It seemed like she backed out, didn't see him. Happened right over there. (The WORKER points to a place outside in the parking lot. CATHERINE and SARA book look at the direction.) (Quick flashback to MEGAN in her car and starting her car. Cut to MR. CROFT walking past the car as it slowly backs up.) Mr. Croft: Whoa, whoa, hey, hey! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: And that set him off. Worker 2 (dark-haired): The last thing this guy needed was coffee. (Quick flashback resumes as MR. CROFT and MEGAN TREADWELL start yelling at each other.) Mr. Croft: Hey! Megan Treadwell: What? Mr. Croft: Pull your head out of your ass and use your mirror! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Was he a regular? Worker 2 (dark-haired): Double latte, tall Monday through Friday between 8:30 and 9:00. Brass: Does Mr. Double Latte have a name? Worker 2 (dark-haired): I think it's Croft. Works right down the street - CPA. He's always telling us how to streamline our business. Sara: How did Megan react to Mr. Croft? Worker 1 (red-haired): She told him to go to hell. (Quick flashback to MEGAN and MR. CROFT yelling at each other.) Megan Treadwell: Go to hell! Mr. Croft: No, you go to hell! (MEGAN drives off.) Mr. Croft: You're an ass! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Worker 2 (dark-haired): And then just drove off. Catherine: And what about Mr. Croft? Worker 1 (red-haired): Everyone was just staring at him and then he got in his car and peeled out. (SARA nods her head slowly. CATHERINE turns to look at SARA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (GRISSOM is reading up on ricin. He has the book open flat on the table to a page with a picture on it. GREG walks in.) Greg: Ricinus communis. Castor beans, like castor oil. Grissom: Well, botanically speaking, it's a spurge, not a bean. Ricin is made from the husk. Castor oil is made from what's inside. Greg: Hmm, which makes two people who know that -- you and the guy who wrote the book. Grissom: Three, actually. Someone knew how to turn this spurge into a poison. (NICK walks into the room.) Nick: Hey, guys. That's Aaron's book, right? Grissom: Mm-hmm. Nick: Shouldn't you be looking at that under a fume hood? Grissom: We brought this from his apartment, not his office. Nick: What makes you think there's a difference? He probably cooked up that ricin in his kitchen. Grissom: Our guys didn't find anything there. Nick: So he cleans up well. What, you're not feeling sorry for this guy, now, are you? Greg: Hey, man, he is autistic. Nick: Anybody else would be in a cell right now. (GRISSOM looks at NICK who definitely has a point. GRISSOM grabs his jacket and leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] (GRISSOM and O'RILEY question AARON PRATT.) Aaron Pratt: Yes, I've heard of ricin. Georgy Markov, 1978. Bulgarian political refugee in London assassinated by injection with a ricin pellet shot out of a black umbrella. Died two days later. Grissom: Not that different from the way Veronica died, is it? (GRISSOM stands. He carries the book to AARON and puts it on the table open to the page on Ricinus Communis.) Grissom: I found this book in your apartment. What if I also told you that I found your fingerprint on this page? Aaron Pratt: Page 153. I don't touch that book anymore. Grissom: But you did touch it. Aaron Pratt: Why are you mad at me? O'Riley: Answer the question. Aaron Pratt: I don't touch this book anymore. It doesn't feel right. O'Riley: Ever since you killed Veronica. Aaron Pratt: I loved Veronica. (GRISSOM sits down next to AARON.) Grissom: What do you mean, it doesn't feel right? Aaron Pratt: Like a new bus pass. Smooth. Feel the page. It used to feel like my bus pass after a month. Now ... it's rough. Grissom: Did you tell anyone that the illustrations felt different? Aaron Pratt: Yes. I told Veronica and I told Mr. Hunter. She said that sometimes the books feel that way after they've been restored. Grissom: What did Mr. Hunter say? Aaron Pratt: He said, "Get out of my office, Aaron, I'm having my lunch!" (AARON stands up and walks over to the window.) Grissom: Was Mr. Hunter having lunch with Veronica again? Aaron Pratt: Hard-boiled egg, celery, fruit salad, iced tea. Veronica was on a diet. She had to lose three pounds. Grissom: Was this lunch different from the other lunches you told me about? Aaron Pratt: Yes. Grissom: How? Aaron Pratt: They fought. Grissom: Aaron, I want you to be very specific. Tell me what you saw. (AARON looks out the window and remembers.) (Quick flashback to STANLEY HUNTER'S office and his lunch with VERONICA BRADLEY. They're arguing.) Stanley Hunter: You did what? (He hits her.) Stanley Hunter: All I have is my reputation and I'm not going to let you ruin it for me! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Aaron Pratt: Veronica started crying. Mr. Hunter stopped yelling. He sat down. He started eating. He cut the hard-boiled egg in half. (VERONICA is crying.) Aaron Pratt: (V.O.) He reached in the drawer and pulled out the salt shaker. (VERONICA BRADLEY stops him from adding salt to the egg. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Aaron Pratt: No s*x, no food, no salt. (AARON turns back to look at GRISSOM.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WESTERN STATE HISTORICAL SOCIETY (LIBRARY) - STANLEY HUNTER'S OFFICE -- [SCENE_BREAK] NIGHT] (NICK is in full gear and back at the library this time in STANLEY HUNTER'S office. He opens the drawer and picks up the the salt shaker.) (Camera close up of the salt shaker. Hold on NICK.) HARD CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY] (GRISSOM and O'RILEY question STANLEY HUNTER.) Stanley Hunter: Poison? What are you talking about? Grissom: We're talking about ricin. The toxin that killed Veronica Bradley. You were dating her. You ate lunch together. O'Riley: Opportunity. So, you mix up a batch of ricin put it in a salt shaker. Next time you're breaking bread, she asks for the salt ... Stanley Hunter: It never happened. Grissom: We have a witness who says he saw you try to kill her. Stanley Hunter: What? Aaron? Are you sure you trust him? Grissom: Normally an eyewitness is the least reliable evidence we have. But in this case, it's the most reliable. Veronica knew about the forgeries. A career-ender, huh, Stanley? Stanley Hunter: For her, not for me. She's the forger. (This surprises GRISSOM.) Stanley Hunter: Oh, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. I suppose he indicted me for that, too? He's the one who came to me. Told me about the illustrations. Said they felt like his bus pass. Whatever that means. Grissom: Go on. Stanley Hunter: He even knew the page numbers. So, I checked it out and he was right. Veronica was using me and mea culpa. Grissom: Why didn't you tell us about the forgeries earlier? Stanley Hunter: When she died, I thought the problem was solved. In this business, all you have is your reputation. There was a dozen books. I was going to remove them from the collection inform the board, collect the insurance and cut my losses. If you don't believe me go ask your very reliable witness. (Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WESTERN STATE HISTORICAL SOCIETY (LIBRARY) - THE CAGE -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM is standing on the inside of the cage. AARON PRATT is on the outside looking in.) Grissom: Tell me again, what did you see? Aaron Pratt: Uniball pen rolls across the desk. Falls on the chair, hits the floor and stops rolling at the wastebasket. Then water falls into Veronica's eyes ... Grissom: (interrupting) Aaron, when you look at things you see pictures in your mind. Tell me the first picture you see of Veronica in this cage. Aaron Pratt: I already told you. Grissom: Tell me something you haven't told me. Tell me what Veronica was doing before you said good night. Aaron Pratt: She pulled out a canvas bag. Then she looked around. Grissom: Why was she looking around? Aaron Pratt: She was deciding something. Grissom: Tell me what "Veronica deciding something" looks like. (Quick flashback to VERONICA BRADLEY crouching down and removing a book from the table. Cut to VERONICA standing up and picking a book off of the table. Cut to her opening the book and flipping a page. Cut to her biting the end of the pen. Camera close up of VERONICA BRADLEY biting the end of her pen. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: Thank you, Aaron. (AARON looks back at GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (NICK is going through the pens they picked up from VERONICA BRADLEY'S house.) Nick: Veronica Bradley must have loved uniballs. She had about a dozen at her house. Plus every known piece of forgery equipment. (GRISSOM puts a swab in its box.) Grissom: Some people bite their nails; she bit her pens. Bad habit. (GRISSOM swabs the end of another pen.) Nick: I also found this under her refrigerator. Funny how people don't think to clean there. (NICK holds out an evidence bag for GRISSOM to take. GRISSOM looks at it. Camera close up of a single castor bean.) Grissom: Castor bean. Ricinus communis. (Quick flashback to VERONICA BRADLEY cooking in her kitchen. She takes some of the solid and grinds it into a powder. She puts the powder into the salt shaker. Camera close up of some of the ricin powder falling onto her notebook and pen.) Nick: (V.O.) But if we find Ricin on any of the pens from her house ... (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: ... we'll know where she cooked up the castor beans. Grissom: And maybe how she died. (GRISSOM hands a tray full of boxed swabs to NICK.) Grissom: Get these to Greg right away. We need the results of the ricin elisa test. (NICK leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] (CATHERINE and BRASS question MR. CROFT.) Mr. Croft: I came home straight from work. I don't know what you're talking about. Catherine: You want to submit to a lineup? Mr. Croft: A lineup? What for? (SARA opens the door and enters the room.) Sara: His car, out in the parking lot, it's a rental. Rented this morning. Catherine: Let's just cut the B.S. Where's your car? Mr. Croft: I sold it. Catherine: You got proof of sale? (He shakes his head.) Catherine: An accountant who doesn't keep receipts. Mr. Croft: Hey, you don't know anything about me. Catherine: I know you've got a temper. (Camera holds on MR. CROFT.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (CATHERINE enters the GARAGE. SARA is already there with MR. CROFT'S car.) Sara: Hey. Brass did the legwork and rushed the warrant. Found it in a body shop a mile from his house. (CATHERINE looks at the car.) Catherine: Black Excursion. Turbo diesel. (CATHERINE walks to the front of the car and looks at the broken headlight.) Catherine: Gutted. Sara: Gets better. Vic's SUV was silver. (SARA shows silver paint on the car's front bumper.) Sara: What do you think? Catherine: Well, this is a lot more than a fender bender. Sara: Sustained contact. Catherine: Get some scrapings. Sara: Yeah. (SARA puts her flashlight aside. CATHERINE opens the car's front passenger-side door and looks around. She sees the coffee on the front dash and seat.) (Cut to SARA getting the scraping.) (Cut back to CATHERINE climbing into the car and sitting down. She finds the empty coffee cup on the driver-side floor. She picks it up.) Catherine: I think I may know what ... (She smells it.) Catherine: set this guy off. (SARA looks up.) Catherine: He spilled his coffee. (CATHERINE looks around and finds the coffee lid with lipstick on the cap.) (SARA walks around to the driver side.) Catherine: (shaking her head) Not a good color for Croft. (They're both putting the pieces together. CATHERINE also notices the coffee on the driver-side window. She rolls the window up to show the coffee stain.) Catherine: Coffee on the outside, coffee on the inside. Lipstick on the lid. Sara: She threw her coffee at him. (Quick flashback to MEGAN in her car. MR. CROFT pulls up beside her. He yells at her. She yells back.) Catherine: (V.O.) Croft chases her from the parking lot caught up to her at the light. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: They said their "screw you, screw you's." I think I know the word that made her throw the coffee. Sara: I hate that word. (Quick flashback to CROFT swearing at MEGAN. MEGAN throws her coffee cup at CROFT. It hits him square.) Sara: (V.O.) Those lids never fit. She nailed him. (She drives off. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Light turns green and the chase is on. (Quick flashback resumes as MEGAN peals off when the light changes.) Catherine: (V.O.) And now she's got a problem. (CROFT pursues. Cut to a car chase between the two cars. End of flashback.) Sara: She's got a pursuit on her hands. Catherine: And she's the pursued. So, she dials 9-1-1. (Quick flashback to MEGAN on her cell.) Operator: (over phone) 9-1-1. What's your emergency? Megan Treadwell: (to phone) Oh, my god, you've got help me, please. Help me! (End of flashback.) Catherine: Somehow she loses him. Sara: And she's still spooked. All she wants now is to get home. (Quick flashback to MEGAN turning the corner and scared. She stops when the track guard bell rings and the rail lowers.) Megan Treadwell: Please ... pl-please. (She checks her rear-view mirror and sighs when she doesn't see the car. She turns around and looks at her dog.) Megan Treadwell: Hey, sweetie ... (Then from behind her, the car hits her full speed. She starts to inch forward. The train whistle blows in the distance. Her brakes screech. She slowly inches forward toward the guard rail. Behind her MR. CROFT looks very smug behind the wheel of his car. The train whistle blows.) Megan Treadwell: Oh, god, no! Help me! (She puts her emergency brakes on. End of flashback.) Catherine: That's why she had the emergency brake on. (Quick flashback to the car still inching forward and MR. CROFT mercilessly pushes the car forward. The train whistle blows. The car breaks through the rail and onto the track. End of flashback.) Catherine: She could have jumped out. Sara: Not without her dog. (Quick flashback to MEGAN being pushed all the way to the middle of the train track.) Megan Treadwell: Help! (Her tires squeal; the train whistle blows. CROFT pushes the car forward, then goes in reverse once the car's in place. MEGAN tries to start her car, but the engine won't turn.) Megan Treadwell: No! (The train makes impact with the car. CROFT sits in his car and watches. End of flashback.) Catherine: And that's why you always cut the other driver some slack. Sara: I'll call Brass, tell him to make the arrest. (CATHERINE nods. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (GRISSOM watches as AARON PRATT nervously arranges the items on his shelf.) Grissom: Veronica removed the original illustrations from the books and replaced them with forgeries which she then left at your house so that she could point the finger at you if it ever came to that. She never thought that you'd find out but you did. And you told Mr. Hunter. Aaron Pratt: "All you have in this business is your reputation." Grissom: So, Veronica tried to save hers but instead of killing Mr. Hunter she ended up killing herself. (AARON knocks down the containers he was straightening.) Aaron Pratt: Oh. Sorry. (GRISSOM rushes over to help him pick them up.) Grissom: That's okay. (AARON nervously giggles.) Grissom: (quietly) I like order. Aaron Pratt: Me, too. That's why I was scared. Grissom: Scared? Aaron Pratt: Of Veronica. Of being in love. I was stupid. I thought she loved me. (Quick flashback to VERONICA kissing AARON. End of flashback.) Aaron Pratt: "Then must you speak of one that loved not wisely ... Grissom: ... but too well." Aaron Pratt: Othello, act five, scene two, lines 343 and 344. Grissom: But Othello killed Desdemona. Aaron Pratt: I didn't kill Veronica. Grissom: (quietly) No, you didn't. (GRISSOM smiles.)
doc_286	[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Wes: "The host reads their souls, senses their futures." Cordy: "Yes, but he can only do it when they sing Karaoke." Cordy: "Imagine what could have happened if you'd gone nuts and slept with Darla!" Angel throws Darla through the glass doors. Angel and Darla on the bed kissing and ripping each others clothes off Angel: "You know I would never do that." Angel wakes beside Darla and jerks upright in bed. Angel: "Get dressed and get out, because the next time I see you I will have to kill you." Shaman: "I can not help you. No one can. This is not meant to be known." Darla rubbing her pregnant belly: "Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do. Time to go visit daddy." Rome 1771 Some rats scurry along an underground sewer tunnel. Angelus runs by. He looks behind him and sees a group of monks carrying torches coming his way. Turns a corner, only to see other torch carrying groups of monks down a couple other branches. Angelus comes up on a sewer grate. He pulls the center grating loose, steps through, then wedges it back in place behind him. As he turns, he stumbles, tumbles down the slanting tunnel, crashes through another grate and lands on the floor of some underground chamber lit by torches. He is surrounded by monks with crossbows aimed at him. A pair of double doors swing open behind him, letting in bright sunlight. Angelus throws himself to the ground out of the direct light surrounded by a thin cloud of smoke. A rider brings his horse to a stop just inside the doors and dismounts. One of the monks leads the horse away as the rider makes his way over to a red robbed priest, while Angelus is picks himself up from the floor. Holtz: "Mille grazie, Monsignore. Sono nel vostro debito." Subtitles: "Thank you, Monsignor. I am in your debt." Monsignor (st): "No, this animal murdered your family. (Points at Angelus) Hold the beast!" Chains wrap around Angelus upper arms and chest. Holtz steps closer to Angelus: "Monsignor Rivalli, performed the ceremony when Caroline and I were wed. You remember Caroline?" Angelus: "Pretty lass. Hearty screamer." Holtz: "The good monsignor has since then been excommunicated. The order he founded, Inquisitore, adheres to the old beliefs. They're traditionalists and quite good at their work. Let's get started, shall we?" Holtz takes a sharp hook and some knives from one of the monks. We see the hook digging into the side of Angelus' neck, hear some cloth ripping. Angelus: "Ah. Aah!" We see the sun rise and set while hearing Angelus' screams in the background. The monsignor is walking cross the room, reading a book. Holtz is sitting on a bench, drinking from a cup. We hear some monks recite in the background and Angelus gasping in pain. Holtz: "You lost me in North Africa. I knew you'd come back to Europe, but Rome Angelus? (Gets up and walks around Angelus, suspended from the ceiling by chains around his wrists) Why in Gods name would you come to the seat of all that's holy?" Angelus: "Darla - she loves the Sistine chapel." Holtz: "Michelangelo?" Angelus: "Not him. She's mad about Botticelli's frescos. (Groans) The Temptation of Christ is her favorite - probably because of the leper. (Sighs) What do you want, Holtz?" Holtz picks up a three-pronged claw and looks at it. Holtz: "I don't want anything. My family is gone. I don't trust you to give me Darla, although I will find her, you know that. My only desire here - is to discover if a thing such as yourself can be made to pay for its sins. (Holtz digs the claw-thingy in somewhere below Angelus waist (off screen) and Angelus groans in pain) You're a demon. It is your nature to maim and kill. But you were also once a man. If we beat and burn the demon out of your living flesh, will there be anything left? (Holtz digs the claw in again and Angelus groans in pain) Anything at all? I doubt it. But I'm willing to spend the next fortnight of my life finding out. - In either event - you have no soul, you can not be saved." A flaming arrow streaks across the room and buries itself in one of the monks. Darla: "Sorry it took me so long darling." Darla is standing in a tunnel opening, holding a crossbow loaded with another flaming arrow. There are other vampires with her. Darla: "Kill them." Darla fires her flaming bolt, hitting Holtz in the shoulder. The vampires streak past her and attack the monks. Several vampires get staked by the monks during the fight, but that doesn't slow the rest of them down. Monsignor confronts Darla with a cross held in front of him. Monsignor: "Vai' all inferno, demonio lordo! (caption) Go to hell foul demon!" Darla pushes the cross aside, then sends the Monsignor flying into a wall. Darla: "No, grazie, padre." The double doors that Holtz rode in through is pulled down and a horse and carriage driven by a blanket shrouded vampire trot in. Darla unclips Angelus chains. Two other vampires catch him under the arms and drop him onto the back of the cart. Holtz tries to get up. Darla knocks him across the chin, then joins a groaning Angelus on the cart. Angelus: "Darlin'?" Darla: "What?" Angelus: "Shouldn't we be killing Holtz?" Darla: "I know, but it's just so much fun ruining his life. He's like family now." Angelus pulls Darla into a kiss as a vampire covers them with a tarp. The wagon heads out into the sunlight, with the blanket shrouded vamp at the reins. A public bus (Downtown LA - Hollywood) pulls over to the side of a dark and deserted street in LA. Darla: "Right here is fine. (To bus driver) Thanks for the lift. That didn't take long at all. (Gets off the bus) And they say there is no public transportation in LA." The bus driver turns slowly and looks towards the back of the bus. Three passengers are slumped in their seats with twin puncture wounds visible on their necks. Four other people are huddled down in the back of the bus. Bus driver fumbles out his radio: "Help! We got a code twelve on the 5-8 line! We need help here now, for god's sake. Now!" Darla walks away across the street. Intro Cordy is arranging some flowers in a vase down in the basement of the Hyperion. Angel walks into the training area and sees that there are several vases of them scattered around the room. Angel: "What's this?" Cordy: "Oh, it's just so dark and lifeless down here, I thought I'd brighten it up a little for you. (Angel picks up one of the vases) You can't exactly go out and enjoy the sunny fields of nature, but that doesn't mean we can't bring a little bloom into your darkness." Angel: "They're fake." Cordy: "Yeah. You put something real in this hellhole and it die (snaps her fingers) like that." Angel puts the flowers down, looking at Cordy. Cordy: "Thank you, Cordelia?" Angel: "You know, I've been around a long time..." Cordy: "Which reminds me. Next birthday, you think we could skip the two-hundred and fifty odd candles on the cake and the inevitable fire marshal and just go and just go with a little song?" Angel: "And I've never known anyone like you." Cordy: "Well, duh! Times a wasting, big guy. Can we do it? (Takes on a stance) Hi-yeah!" Angel chuckling: "Okay. Last time we were working on not pulling your punches and your kicks. Right? Don't worry about me. (Cordy hits him and he deflects the punch with his arm) That's good. (Cordy swipes at him again) Good! Where is your weight? (Angel looks down) Balls of your feet?" Cordy swings and hits him across the face full force. Cordy: "Oops! Oh god, you said that... (Angel straightens back up, smiling) Are you okay?" Angel: "I'm a vampire. You can't hurt me. Good." Angel turns away from her and makes a face, gingerly feeling his nose. Cordy: "You're off your game. It's because of the prophecy Wes and Gunn are trying to get their hands on. You think the end is coming." Angel turns back to face her: "The end is not coming. Someone is always uncovering some ancient scroll, and they're always saying the same thing: that something terrible is coming. Do you know how many of these things I've seen in my very long life?" Cordy: "Four?" Angel: "Three. But there's nothing to worry about." Cordy: "Then way are Gunn and Wesley breaking and entering right now?" Angel: "Breaking and entering is such a negative term. They are simply retrieving some missing pieces from the Nyazian Scroll. Just to make sure..." Cordy: "That the end is coming. - Well, all we can do is live each moment to the fullest and be grateful that we didn't throw too much money at the NASDAQ." Angel blinking his eyes and lifting a hand towards his face: "Am I swelling?" Camera sweeps over some big houses, surrounded by big gardens on a sunny plateau with some mountains in the background. Pans past some old oil paintings and statuary to show Wes, dressed in black, sneaking up on the window and look into the window from outside. Wes motions and Gunn walks up beside him. Wes: "Step one: Dobermans are happily gnawing on the steak. Alarm and vid lines are disabled (pulls out a scanner and looks at its display) no infrared. Caught a break there. Step two: we cut a hole in the glass, snake in the mini-cam and scan the interior." Gunn walks over to look in the glass door while Wes pulls glasscutter with a suction cup out of his duffel bag and attaches it to the window. Wes: "If it's all clear, we disable the locks and bolts on the side door thus completing... (Gunn tries the door and it swings open) ...step three." Wes closes up his duffel and moves over to follow Gunn inside, then hurries back to detach the suction cup from the window and stow it in his bag while Gunn waits for him inside. Wes hurries in and motions for Gunn to close the patio door. They open the doors into an adjacent room, in which all sorts of things are on display. Gunn looks around and whistles. Wes: "Can you believe this?" Gunn looking around: "Some guys collect old cars, some guys collect..." Gunn flinches back as he spots a misshapen, one-eyed demon head in a glass case. Then he and Wes lean in for a closer look. Gunn: "It's like - the eye follows you wherever you go." Wes walks over to a bottle sitting on a pedestal, pulls out the stopper and takes a sniff before closing it again. Wes: "Alright. If you were the priceless remnants of the lost Nyazian Scroll, where would you be?" Gunn: "If I was priceless - I'd be in the vault." Wes: "The vault? Your snitch never said anything about a vault!" Gunn: "I got a bad feeling about this." Wes: "We figure something out. It's just a - vault." Gunn: "Actually my bad feeling is more about the man standing behind you with the large revolver." Wes turns to see a guy standing in the door aiming a gun at them. Man: "Move and I'll kill you. The man edges into the room and reaches for the telephone with one hand while still aiming the gun at them with the other. Wes: "I hope you're calling the police." Man: "You bet I am." Wes: "Good. You can explain to them why you keep so much GHB on hand. (Wes walks over to the bottle on the pedestal) You know, Rohypnol, the date rape drug." Man: "What?" Wes indicates the bottle: "Muslok Trancing Amalgam. Under the microscope it's virtually indistinguishable from GHB." The man slowly puts the receiver back down. Man: "Alright. I won't call the police." Wes: "I'm glad we understand each other." Man: "Until after I kill you." Wes: "Oh." Gunn picks up four red glass balls out of a bowl on another stand. Gunn: "Hey, these worth a lot?" Man: "Yes. They're Cyopian conjuring spheres." Gunn: "How much? Four figures each? Five? (Starts to juggle two of the balls with one hand) More?" Man: "Stop that!" Gunn: "Put the weapon down." When the man hesitates, Gunn lets one of the balls drop and it shatters with a liquid splash as it hits the floor. Gunn: "Kind of delicate. (Juggles the remaining three with both hands) Look, we're not thieves, we're investigators. Now, we need to look at your Nyazian Scrolls. Put the weapon down, because - I'm getting kind of tired here." Man: "Alright!" Man puts the revolver down on a glass case and Wes retrieves it. Gunn drops another ball (the owner lets out a fearful gasp) only to bounce it off his foot and catch it again. Gunn: "I always wanna give them a big finish. Fred comes down the basement stairs of the Hyperion. Cordy: "Ow. That doesn't feel right." Angel: "Just relax. You have to bend." Cordy: "I don't bend there. - Okay. Now that's downright unnatural." Angel: "I know it feels strange, but if an attacker comes at you from behind, you wanna be able to shift all your weight immediately to your other foot so you can spin and kick. Here, you try it." Cordy spins and kicks up against Angel's chest. Angel catches her, one arm around her leg another around her waist to keep her from falling. Angel: "Whoa! Easy. Alright. That's alright. (Lowers her leg and lets go of her) That's better. We'll keep - working on it. Okay. That's probably enough for today." Cordy: "Yeah, well, we could do more of it, but then I'd have to ice every bone in my body. See you." Cordy walks towards the stairs, one hand pressed against the small of her back. Cordy: "Hey, Fred." Fred: "Hey! - Kye-rumption." Cordy walking up the stairs: "Well - back at you." Angel: "What did you say?" Fred: "Kye-rumption. It's the one nice word I remember from the Pylean hell dimension." Angel: "What's it mean?" Fred: "It's when two great heroes meet on the field of battle and recognize their mutual fate. It's also a kind of grog made out of the ox dung but that's archaic." Angel: "Oh, ah, that's interesting." Fred: "When I see you and Cordelia sparring Kye-rumption always comes to mind." Angel after a beat: "Me and Cordelia." Fred: "I know. She's such a hero, with the visions and the courage. It's only natural that you and she would be drawn to one another. - Oh! Plastic flowers! (Hurries over to one of the vases) My favorite! They never fade, you know." Angel: "Oh, whoa, wait a minute. There's nothing going on between me and Cordelia." Fred: "Nothing but Moira." Angel: "Who's Moira?" Fred: "Moira is the gut physical attraction between two larger than life souls." Angel: "Ha. No, there is no attraction. Cordelia is a friend. Someone I work with. That's all." Fred grinning: "See? You're being chivalrous. Because you 're a hero, just like her. You got Kye-rumption!" Angel: "Stop using that word!" Wes: "What's going on down here?" Angel: "Nothing." Wes: "I believe Fred's been through enough recently without people shouting at her." Fred: "He didn't mean anything by it." Wes just stands there, looking at the floor. Angel: "Is there something you wanted?" Wes: "Yes. (Looks at Fred) Gunn and I were hoping you could give us a hand with the Nyazian Prohecies. We need someone who can do the math." Fred: "Sure!" Fred starts up the stairs. Wes looks around: "Who gave you all the flowers?" Angel: "Nobody." Gunn is throwing darts at a board in the office at the Hyperion. Wes is sitting at the desk, writing. Fred is sitting beside him, working on the laptop. Cordy is at her own desk. Gunn: "So, how are you doing there, Fred?" Fred: "Oh, it's a simple equation, really. The ancient Roman calendar has fourteen hundred and sixty-four days in a four-year cycle. The Etruscan, Sumerian, and Druidian each have their own cycles. You work forward from the presumed day of the prophecy under each calendar, factoring in our own three hundred and sixty-five day calendar and accounting for a three day discrepancy for every four years and..." Angel walks into the lobby, he sees Cordy sitting at her desk and stops before anyone notices he's there. Fred: "Oh. - That can't be right. - Unless the world ended last March." Gunn: "So, are we talking Armageddon - or bad house number? (Sits down in the chair in front of Wes desk) Is it a bad event - or a bad guy?" Wes: "It's not clear on that. It predicts the arrival or arising of the Tro-clan, the person or being that brings about the ruination of mankind." Gunn: "So it's a two for one. Isn't that nice." Wes: "And I'm not sure on the translation. Ruination may in fact mean purification." Gunn: "Purification? So this Tro-clan is a good thing?" Wes: "I doubt that. But it's purification in Aramaic, ruination in ancient Greek and in the lost Ga-shundi language it means both." Cordy: "And you don't want to make the same mistake twice." Cordy looks up from her desk at Wes, who looks down at his papers. Wes: "No." Fred: "What mistake?" Wes: "There was another prophecy a while back. It seemed to be about Angel and contained the word 'Shanshu' which I thought meant to die and I - sort of told Angel..." Cordy: "...that we was going to die." Fred: "Oh, no." Wes: "Then I found out it also meant to live. It meant to die and to live." Fred: "So - which is it?" Wes: "Both. In his case it meant that some day the vampire in him might die, but the human in him might live." Angel is standing at a corner in the lobby, listening. Fred: "That he would be like a normal man?" Angel slowly lifts his head and looks at Cordy working at her desk. Wes: "Yes." Fred: "Wow. What would we do if that happened?" Cordy: "I'd buy him some plaid shirts and take him to the beach. The boy needs some color." Fred goes back to typing on the laptop. Fred: "There. That came out better. - Oh. No it didn't. It's still very preliminary, but - if these calculations are correct, this bad thing should already be here. (Looks around) Well, I-I guess not right here, but - here in LA." Angel walks into the reception area and sits down. Fred: "Let me run these numbers again." Cordy: "Hey." Angel: "Hey." Cordy after a while: "Why are you looking at me like that?" Angel: "Ah, no reason." After a moment Cordy gets up and walks past Angel to pour a cup of coffee. Cordy: "Okay. It's getting creepy now." Angel: "I was just thinking about things. - People. You know. How they relate. Take you and me for instance. We're very different. Very different. Obviously (points at Cordy) human (points at himself) vampire. (points a Cordy) Woman (points at himself) man...pire." Cordy: "Has someone been putting vodka in your blood?" Angel laughs: "See? You're funny! And I, well I get off a good one every once in a while, but you..." Cordy, sipping her coffee: "Angel, are you trying to say you love me?" Angel: "What?" Cordy: "I love you too." Angel: "You do? When did this..." Cordy yells towards Wes open office door: "Angel loves me. I love him." Angel: "Oh, my god!" Cordy: "You guys love us and we love you." Fred, Wes and Gunn chorus: "We love you Angel." Cordy: "They were all saying it earlier. Just in case this prophecy comes true and we all die. - You're not gonna wanna hug, are you?" Angel clears his throat and sits back shaking his head: "No." Cordy goes back to her desk: "God knows we've been through a lot together." Angel: "That's really all I was trying to say, that we've been through so much together, you and me, as friends. You've seen the - good, - and the not so good." Cordy: "Just like you have in me. And for the record: the good I've seen far outweighs the bad." Angel after a beat: "Thanks. You, too." Cordy: "Hey, what are friends for?" Darla: "If you ask me, they're for knocking you up and leaving you high and dry." Angel spins around to see a very pregnant Darla standing on the top landing leading down into the lobby from outside. Darla: "Hello, lover. Long time no see." Break Angel: "Darla." Cordy: "Darla?" Wes: "Darla!" Fred: "Who's Darla?" Gunn: "Angel's old flame from way back." Fred: "Not the one that died?" Gunn: "Yeah. No, not that one. The other one that died and came back to life. She's a vampire." Fred: "Y'all have a chart or something?" Gunn: "In the files. I'll get it for you later." Angel: "Well, when did this happen?" Darla comes down the steps: "You know exactly when it happened." Cordy: "Angel - did - you and Darla...?" Angel: "Uh..." Cordy turns to look at him. Angel: "This is impossible." Darla: "Tell me about it - daddy!" Cordy: "You slept with her?" Angel: "Vampires can't have children. Wesley?" Wes: "Ah, no, he's right. It's not possible." Cordy: "That's not what I asked." Darla: "You know we can't. I know we can't. But - we did." Fred: "I wonder if this might not be that bad thing we were expecting." Darla: "What did you do to me?" She hits Angel across the face and he stumbles back against the weapons cabinet behind him. Cordy steps between Angel and Darla: "Stop that!" Angel: "It's okay. It's alright. I'm okay." Cordy: "You'll hurt her! Haven't you done enough? (Turns to Darla) Here, sit down. You should get off your feet." Cordy leads Darla over to the round settee, then looks back at the others. Cordy: "Can we get her some water?" Fred turns to go get it. Angel: "Cordy that's Darla. Maybe you don't want to..." Cordy: "Did you or did you not look me in the eye and say that you would never do a thing like this with her?" Darla: "Oh, he lied? What a surprise." Fred carrying a glass of water: "Hi. I'm Fred. Is water okay, or did you want some blood?" Darla takes the water as Wes gently pulls Fred back away from Darla. Angel: "Cordy. I'm sorry - I lied. It was just - it was a very dark time." Cordy: "Oh! You used her to make you feel better during your dark time. Well, that makes it all heroic." Angel: "It wasn't like that. It just - happened. It wasn't like I went evil or anything, I just..." Cordy: "You just went male. (brushes the hair out of Darla's face) Have you been to a doctor." Darla gives her a look: "No. But I have been to every shaman and seer in the Western Hemisphere." Wes: "And what did they say?" Darla: "They don't know what it is. They don't know what it means. Nothing like this has ever happened." Angel: "Maybe it's an hysterical pregnancy." Darla: "You wanna feel it kick?" Cordy: "Does it kick a lot?" Darla: "Like crazy." Angel: "well, now wouldn't that be the first sign of... (Cordy gives him a look) ...hysteria?" Cordy: "What can we do for you?" Darla: "Well, you can get you little gang of supernatural detectives to find out what the hell is happening to me and how to stop it." Cordy looking at Darla: "Are you gonna take some responsibility here? (Looks up at Angel) Angel?" Angel: "Oh, me? - Of course I am. - Wes, lets get on this right now." Wes: "What do you suggest?" Angel: "I suggest you use your books and find out what's going on. What, do I have to think of everything?" Wes picks up a book from the counter and opens it. Wes: "Oh, here it is." Darla straightens up in her seat and Angel walks over to Wes. Wes: "It says 'I have absolutely no idea what's going on.' (Closes the book) We should talk to the host." Lorne: "Oh, this is all wrong." The camera pulls back and we see that he is looking at two people holding up a modern painting. Lorne: "Try it on the back wall. Far away from where folks might be eating." Muses: "Violence abounds, violence restrain, this space a sanctuary was and shall be again." Lorne: "That's great girls. - Hey, Arnie, why 're you charging me twelve hundred over the estimate here?" Arnie: "Had to run a separate two twelve to the security box. Double insulation everywhere in the building. Plus, we had a run on Kek bile and Bin-der glands. And you know what you said: 'This club's my baby. I want top drawer through out." Angel: "Lorne! You here? - You got to help me. We got (looks back at the others filing in behind him) kind of a situation on our hands." Muses: "Mmm, Angel." Cordy: "And here we have three more of Angel's chippies. You girls are on the pill I hope." Muses: "Mmm." Angel smiles and waves at them then walks over to lean in close to Lorne. Angel: "What are they doing here?" Lorne: "They're here to help recast the sanctuary spell to prevent violence in the club. And this time I'm covering demons and humans. I'm opening the club again. I know I was blue for a pretty long time. If it'd gone on much longer I would have turned aquamarine. (Lorne is the only one laughing) And now that the ice is broken (turns to Darla) what happened here?" Darla: "What's it look like?" Cordy: "Angel boned her." Angel: "Just once. Just the one night. Ah, just the two or three one times that one night..." Fred: "Is Angel gonna sing?" Gunn: "Oh!" Wes: "I suppose he has to." Cordy: "She's carrying the baby!" Darla grabs Lorne by the lapels, pulls herself in close and starts to sing: "Oh, Danny boy... What the hell's inside me?" Lorne: "Oh, no, no, no. We're way past singing, mes enfants. This is a brand new day here. (To the club at large) Alright every body, that's a wrap! (People and demons start filing out) We'll finish the spell tomorrow. We got a little crisis brewing. Thanks for coming! Check's in the mail! Get the hell out." Muses, speaking in turn: "Bye Angel, come see us soon. Mmm..." Cordy: "Men!" Lorne: "This is way beyond my ken - and my Barbie and all my action figures. If it's alive..." Darla: "Oh, it's alive! And kicking!" Lorne: "It could be anything. A child born to two vampires..." Gunn: "Maybe it's some kind of 'ueber'- vamp." Wes: "The Nyazian prophecies mention a Tro-clan." Fred: "That's supposed to be here about now." Lorne: "Born out of darkness to bring darkness." Angel: "Great. So, we're saying that my child is - the scourge of mankind?" Darla moans. Cordy: "You guys are upsetting her! (To Lorne) I think she needs to lie down." Lorne: "Yeah, of course. She can have my bedroom." Lorne and Cordy help Darla up and start to lead her towards the back of the club. When Angel starts to follow Cordy stops him. Cordy: "We can handle it." Cordy and Lorne lead Darla into Lorne's bedroom. Cordy: "I think we should call a doctor." Darla: "It'll pass. I just have to - let it." Darla lets herself drop onto the bed and Cordy sits down on the edge of it beside her. Cordy: "I'll stay with her." Lorne: "If you need anything, just holler." Cordy: "Okay." Lorne leaves the room. Angel: "I don't accept this. These stupid prophecies, you can always interpret them a hundred ways from Sunday. How do we even know your calculations are correct?" Fred: "I don't. I'm still working on them." Gunn: "Well, we do know that Darla is pregnant with something!" Angel: "That's biologically impossible." Lorne: "And mystically unfair. You've fought long and hard for good. If your destiny is to spawn something evil..." Angel: "I don't see how anything spawned by Darla and me could be good." Wes: "You know the first prophecy that said that the vampire with a soul would be pivotal in the battle between good and evil?" Gunn: "That Shanshu one?" Wes: "Maybe it's not you. Maybe your child is a pivotal figure. Maybe your destiny is simply to help bring to the world." Angel after a beat: "Or to stop it." Fred: "Can I say something about destiny?- Screw destiny! If this evil thing comes we'll fight it, and we'll keep fighting it until we whoop it. 'cause destiny is just another word for inevitable and nothing's inevitable as long as you stand up, look it in the eye, and say 'your evitable!' - Well, you- you catch my drift." Lorne: "Wow. I like her so much!" Angel: "I wanna see these prophecies myself, and your calculations, Fred, and anything else we got on this." Fred: "Why don't I go back to the hotel and get everything?" Wes: "Good idea. We put our heads together and figure out a way to fight this thing." Fred leaves and Angel turns to Lorne. Angel: "How's she doing?" Lorne: "Well, she's weary. The poor thing looks like she's about eighteen months pregnant. Hope they're not twins." Angel: "Not her. Cordelia." Lorne: "Oh, ah, I sense that she's - hurt and pissed what with the lying and deception and ecetera. You should probably stay out of her way for a while, huh?" Cordy: "How're you feeling?" Darla: "Just crazy." Cordy: "What?" Darla: "Why would anyone bring something into this world?" Cordy: "I was pregnant once. (Laughs and holds out a hand) I was out to here - overnight! Mystical thing. I didn't go to term, but while it lasted, hooh! Talk about uncomfortable! Your back and legs hurt all the time and first you're sick to your stomach and you can't eat anything and then your ravenous! Are you able to eat or do you just..." Darla levers herself up: "What? Drink?" Cordy: "Well, it's - really none of my business, is it? - You should rest (Cordy gets up) and I should (starts to walk towards the door) I'll just be real close by. If there is anything that you need... (Darla morphs into vampface) Anything at all..." Cordy is about to open the door, but Darla is suddenly there, holding the door shut. Darla: "I'm hungry all the time. It's weird." Cordy: "Sure. You're eating for two now. It's only natural." Darla: "No, what's weird is - no matter how much I feed - I can't seem to get full." Cordy punches Darla hard across the face. Follows it up with a second punch, then pulls out a cross to ward Darla off. Cordy: "Pregnant or not, you're going to keep your distance." Darla bats the cross aside, grabs Cordy and throws her across the room against a table. Then she clamps a hand over Cordy's mouth to prevent her from screaming and sinks her teeth into the side of Cordy's neck. Break [SCENE_BREAK] As Darla bites her, Cordy gets hit by a vision. Darla backs away from her for a moment while we see flashes of some arcade, then lunges back in - only to get pulled back away by Angel. Angel: "Get away from her!" Angel picks Cordy up and carries over to the bed. Angel: "You're gonna be alright. You're gonna be alright." Cordy holding the side of her neck: "Ouch!" Angel presses a cloth over the neck wound. Angel: "Cordy, you're gonna be all right. I'll kill her for this." Cordy panting: "You're gonna have to find her first." Angel looks around. Darla is gone. Out in the club the others are just picking themselves back up, when Angel comes out, carrying Cordy in his arms. Angel: "She bit Cordy." Lorne: "Oh, sweetie, are you alright?" Angel: "No. Where is she?" Wes: "She got away." Gunn: "We tried to stop her by hitting her fists and feet with our faces, but..." Angel: "We'll take Cordy to a safe place and we'll take care of Darla." Hyperion, night, Cordy is lying on a bed with Angel sitting beside her. Angel: "Are you feeling any better?" Cordy: "Yeah. You don't have to stay with me." Angel: "Gunn's gonna be right here." Cordy lifts her head to look at Gunn: "Thanks." Angel: "I'm not gonna keep telling you how sorry I am. I'm gonna tell you - that she'll never do it again." Cordy: "It was my fault, Angel. I felt sorry for her. She looked so helpless - like a mother. - I forgot what she really was. - I'm starting to feel the pills." Angel gets up and backs away from the bed as Cordy's eyes drift closed. Angel quietly to Gunn: "You see Darla anywhere in range..." Gunn: "I'll take care of it." Angel turns to go. Cordy sits up: "Wait! - When she bit me I had a vision. I almost forgot." Angel comes back and sits back down on the edge of the bed. Angel: "What did you see?" Cordy: "It was like no vision I ever had before. - She's so hungry. - She doesn't know how to make the hunger stop. - I think I know where she's headed." Angel is arming himself from the weapons cabinet. Wes: "I'm not speaking to you as the boss, because I know you wouldn't listen, but you shouldn't do this alone." Angel: "I have to do this alone." Wes: "Angel, a normal vampire is strong, and Darla wasn't normal before this. She took down the host, Gunn, and me without even breaking stride. She's stronger than all of us right now, including you, because of what's in her." Angel: "I know. I put it there." Angel turns away and hurries out. Wes: "Why does he think he has to do everything alone?" Fred: "I think he just can't bear to have us see him do it." Wes: "Kill Darla? She did try to kill Cordy - and she's a vampire." Fred: "Who is carrying his child. The one thing he can never have, even if he lives forever." A busy arcade, there are kids and noise everywhere. A little blond boy stands in the middle of the confusion, looking around. Boy: "Mommy? - Mommy? - Mommy?" Darla: "What's wrong, honey? Lost your mommy? (Boy nods) Let's go find her together, hm?" The boy nods and takes her hand. Darla turns to lead him away. Woman: "You're a brave woman! (Darla stops and looks over her shoulder) About to have one, taking another one out to play." Darla: "Oh. I love children. I could just - eat them up." Darla and the woman smile at each other and go their separate ways. Break Cordy is sleeping on the bed, dreaming of Darla biting her and getting the vision. She jerks awake with a gasp. Gunn comes over and sits down on the edge of the bed. Gunn: "Hey, hey! It's alright. It's just a dream, okay? I'm right here. She can't hurt you." Cordy: "I have to talk to Wes." Cordy is pacing in Wes' office. Cordy: "It was a dream, but - it was more like a vision." Wes: "About what?" Cordy: "About what's inside Darla. (Sits down) This Tro-clan thing - the prophecies say that it will be born - or it will arise?" Wes: "It says both. The middle English eyrizan and the Gothic urreisan, both mean to appear, to spring up." Fred: "Angel's not answering his phone. Should I leave a message on his voice mail?" Cordy: "He doesn't know how to use his voice mail. Just try his pager." Wes: "There is also a reference to the Tro-clan being boren, which is pretty plain middle English for being born, to bear." We hear a pager go off. Gunn checks his belt, then gets up and walks over and pulls Angel's pager out of the pocket of the coat hanging in the corner of Wes' office. Gunn: "Well, we found Angel's beeper." Wes: "What is it, Cordy? What is the vision trying to tell you?" Cordy: "I think they're trying to tell me why Darla is craving younger victims." Darla is crouched in front of the little boy in a deserted corner of the arcade. Boy: "Ma'am, I don't think my mom is back here." Darla: "Are you sure? Did you look?" The boy looks around. Boy: "I don't see anybody." He turns back to see that Darla has morphed and lets out a scream. Angel runs across some of the arcade games and tackles Darla against the wall and slams the stake in his hand towards her heart. Darla puts up a hand to ward it off the stake pierces her hand until it comes out on the other side. The boy runs away screaming, straight into his mother's arms out in the crowd. Mother: "There you are! (Catches him up in her arms and hugs him close) Where have you been? How many times have I told you not to wander off!" Darla tosses Angel out from the deserted section. The mother's eyes widen as Angel lands on top of some tables, over turning them. People in the crowd see Darla follow him out, still wearing her vampface and turn to run away, screaming. Darla pulls the stake out of her right palm and lets it drop as she walks towards Angel. Darla: "You so want to play the good guy, don't you? Yeah. You're the good guy who did this to me." Hauls back and knocks Angel across the face, slamming him against one of the games. Darla: "You may have the face, but you don't know the hunger! It pounds! You can't make it go away! You can't stop it!" Angel: "I'll stop it!" He hauls back and hits Darla. The two of them fight. In the end Angel manages to grab Darla by the throat and push her up against the wall. Darla: "How could you put this in me? I hate you!" Darla hits him again, but Angel refuses to let go of her throat. Darla: "They breathe. They breathe and pound. I don't breathe, you idiot! You can't strangle me!" Darla laughs. Angel: "I'm not gonna strangle you." Angel pulls her away and slams her back up against the wall, pulling out another stake. Darla: "Come on! Do it! (Angel hesitates) Do it!" Angel slowly lowers the stake and looks down at Darla's belly. We hear a heartbeat. Angel slowly steps back from Darla. Darla lunges, grabs a hold of Angel's jacket and shakes him. Darla: "Do it! Do it! Make it stop!" Angel gently restrains her, wrapping her tightly in his arms and pulling her up against his chest. Angel: "No it won't, Darla. Darla, listen to me." Darla: "Make it stop! Make it stop." Angel: "The child. The child has a heartbeat. It has a soul." Darla flailing wildly: "No! Not my child! No!" Angel: "Our child. Ourchild. Our child. That's why you've been craving purer and purer blood. That's why it's been driving you out of your mind. It has a soul." Darla collapses against Angel's chest, sobbing: "No, it doesn't." Angel holding her: "It does." Darla: "It can't." Angel quietly: "Yes, it does. It does." Angel helps Darla to lay back down on a bed in the Hyperion and hands her a mug. Angel: "Here, drink this." Darla takes a gulp then makes face. Darla: "Pig's blood?" Angel: "You need to keep yourself nourished. You'll get used..." Darla throws the pug against the wall, shattering it and splashing the wall with blood. Angel: "You're not alone in this anymore. We'll deal with this together." Darla: "Gosh. I'm the luckiest vampire girl in the whole world. - Get away from me." Angel gets up: "Try and get some sleep." Darla: "How's Cordy? She wanna come up and visit?" Laughs. Angel walks up to Gunn, standing in the door holding a loaded crossbow. Angel: "She goes near Cordy, or Fred..." Gunn lifting the bow: "I know." Angel: "Don't underestimate her. The woman is stronger than all of us right now." Angel walks down into the lobby and sees Cordy and Wes leaning over an open book on the reception counter together. Angel: "You're not to go near Darla for any reason without me, Gunn, and a lot of crossbows standing between you. You understand?" Cordy: "Oh, yeah. And if I forget (indicates the bandage on the side of her neck) I have a nice little reminder." Angel: "That goes for you, too, Fred." Fred looks up from the laptop: "Gotcha." Angel goes to sit down on the settee in the middle of the lobby and Cordy walks over to him. Cordy: "So, I guess you're gonna be a father." Angel after a beat: "Guess I am." Cordy: "I felt it in my dream. The same thing you did - when you found her. (Sits down beside him) It has a soul." Wes: "Well, Angel has a soul. It makes sense. As much as any of this does." Angel looks down at his folded hands. Wes: "Angel, even with a soul, she could give birth to what's spoken of in the prophecies." Angel looks at Wes: "The thing that's coming to kill and burn us all? - I know that. - I also know the child is mine." Wes: "Right." Cordy: "Well! Another big fun day at Angel Investigations. (Gets up) What do you say we pour ourselves a good stiff..." Fred: "Uh-oh." Cordy: "A good, stiff uh-oh?" Fred: "Remember before when I said I thought that maybe, possibly, perhaps I might have been off in my earlier calculations? And you asked Wes if he thought if the Tro-clan was prophesied to arise or be born and he said it could be both? And we all know that the Latin for arrive is arripare, to come to land or possibly in this instance simply to come to, as from a deep sleep?" Angel, Wes: "Fred!" Fred: "Right. I believe that whatever this thing is, it's arriving right about (looks down at a watch) three, two, now." A busy section of LA, night, people are walking past, talking. The camera sinks through the ground down into a round chamber, lit by fires in the alcoves along the wall. The ceiling is supported by a circle of pillars. A stone statue and two bowls holding more flames are set up, forming an equal triangle inside the circle of pillars. A demon walks in and stops in front of the statue. Sahjhan: "The weight of time is heavy on the world. And all men born must die. But there are worlds unknown, where dreamers dream and sleepers sleep, and patiently await. As pledged in Caladan by Cod-she, (Sahjhan steps back and throws some powder at the statue) One shall awaken in the first year of the final century. That one, who lived before and joined Cod-she in the great sleep. Arise, as was promised and foretold. Arise. - Arise!" Nothing happens. The demon turns away and walks over to one of the fires and lights himself a cigarette. Turns back to watch the statue, puffing. Checks his watch. Takes another drag. Suddenly the room begins to shake and blue lighting flashes. The eyes of the statue suddenly turn into two open, human looking eyes. The statue cracks then crumbles to the ground in a cloud of dust. The demon puts out his cigarette and walks over to the figure huddled in the middle of what's left of the statue. Sahjhan: "Welcome to the twenty first century. (Crouches down and puts a hand on the back of the figure) Angelus is here. You'll see him soon. - You haven't used your muscles in a very long time. It will be a while before you're strong enough to..." The figure suddenly straightens up. It's Holtz. Holtz: "Just tell me where he is."
doc_287	Lucas: Do you ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life altering? Is it four years like high school? One year? An eight-week rock tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day? We're always in a hurry, to grow up, to go places, to get ahead. But when you're young, one hour can change everything. Karl: How are we doing this mornig seniors? Did anyone wake up with their clothes on from the night before still drunk with strange big hangover? Anyone? Well I guess that was just me. Actually last night was UNO night at my house, and it was a blood bath but I cannot discuss it with you right now, so we won't. But let me ask you guys a question: does today's class really matter? Or is it just a fifty-minute requirement designed to get your grades so you can go on to college or a job and the rest of your lives, anyone? Brooke: If we say yes, can we have the grade and go on with the rest of our lives? Karl: Mouth, using one word describe how your classmates see you. Mouth: Ugh, awesome? Lucas: Yep! Karl: Ok. Let's say that there are five universal terms to describe everyone in high school, okay? Let's say jock, prom queen, geek, loaner, and ...? Brooke: Slut? Karl: Okay, considering that awesome is not a category, Shelly Simon, describe Mouth in one word. Shelly: I don't really know him, but, nice, I guess. Karl: Nice. I suppose we could find 'nice' under friendly, but since friendly doesn't mean friendly that would make Mouth a slut. You have four other choices. Shelly: Geek I guess. Karl: Geek? You're joining the club Mouth. Okay, class, Nathan five choices? Everyone: Jock. Karl: Lucas? Everyone: Jock. Karl: Brooke? Everyone: Prom queen. Karl: Rachel? Everyone: Friendly! Rachel: Hey! Karl: Peyton? Everyone: Prom queen. Peyton: Oh come on I am so a loaner! Glenda: Right, a loaner cheerleader who's dating a jock. No offence but I'm a loaner, you're a prom queen. Karl: Like it or not, you are who you classmates see you as. But here's the good news: that's gonna change soon. Because prett y soon you're gonna be going out into that big, wild world and you can erase all those [...]. Now for some of you shading this image is gonna be a great thing. And for some of you, not such a great thing. But what matters is that you know who you really are. And you know how you want the world to see you. Well, you've been together for what? For four years? Haley? What's Lucas' middle name? Haley: Eugene. Ohh, I'm sorry I'm so sorry. Karl: Lucas what's Glenda's last name? Lucas: I don't know. Sorry. Karl: Okay everyone on this side of the room I want you to write your name on a piece of paper and put it in Nathan's cap. Okay, hurry up. Everyone on this side of the room is gonna draw a name. And the name that you draw will be the person that you will spend the rest of the class with. Maybe we'll find out if fifty minutes can matter. Okay pass the hat around. Shelly who do you have? Shelly: Mouth. Karl: Karma's a funny thing isn't it? Haley? Haley: Skills...ington. Karl: Rachel? Rachel: Bevin. Karl: Glenda? Glenda: Gotta love karma... Lucas. Karl: Nora? Nora: Oh, I have Noriah. Karl: Emma? Emma: I've got Zach. Karl: Michael? Micheal: I got Fedde. Karl: Brooke? Brokke: I have Chase. Karl: Peyton? Peyton: I have... Nathan. Karl: Okay here's the deal, everyone pair up, you can leave the class but not the campus. At the door you'l find a camera, I want each of you, at the end of the class to take a picture of your partner. This picture represents how you see them. That picture is going into the year book for the rest of time. Now for some of you this is an opportunity to reinvent youself starting today. Brooke: Do we have to reinvent ouselves, cause I think most of my friends see me as fabulous! Karl: Maybe so. But my friend Mr Miller sees you as the girl who's failing calculus. Okay everyone go and get a camera and get out of here. Oh wait one more thing, with the cameras a list of instructions at the end of the class I want you to tell me what you learnt about your partner. You have fifty minutes, go. Mouth: Well I guess you're stuck with the geek. Skills: Okay Haley J.S. Let me make a deal with you, as long as you don't give birth early, we're good. Bevin: I don't get it. Lucas: I'm Lucas... Glenda: Scott. Right. At least i know your last name. Nathan: This is kinda like the Boy Trade, actually we won't be kissing and the partial nudity. Peyton: The hour is still young. Brooke: So about this whole calculus thing... Lucas: Glenda! Glenda. I'm sorry about not knowing your name. Can we just do the assignment? Look the first thing on the list it's huh... 'share something personal with your partner'. Glenda: Farell, my last name's Farell. Is that personal enough for you? Brooke: Will you just listen to me please? Chase: So what? You accidently forgot to tell me that you were failing calculus when you started tutoring me... in calculus. How did you get that A I saw on your test anyway? Brooke: It's complicated trust me. Chase: Trust you... I already did that. And now I find that my tutor is doing worse in calculus than I. Brooke: It's a long story okay? Chase: Well don't tell me other story Brooke! Tell me the truth. Or is that even possible for you to do? Brooke: Okay. Come on. Mouth: You know you shouldn't judge people like that. You called me a geek! Shelly: It was the only category that fit. I called you nice first. Mouth: Well how do you know I'm nice? Maybe I'm not nice. Shelly: I can see that. Mouth: We're supposed to tell each other something personal. Like... huh... my middle name is Leonardo, after my grandpa Leo. I guess that's kinda geeky. Shelly: Wow you really got personal there. Mouth: Well it's not like you're gonna tell me anything real either right? It's just an assignment. Shelly: Before I started Clean Teens, I was in a serious relationship with this guy I met at summer camp. I was pretty intense. And then, we couldn't see each other for the rest of the summer. My parents, they wouldn't let me talk to him or... anything. But I knew I'd see him when we'd got back to school on the fall. And, the night before we got back I couldn't sleep. This is the spot I was standing at when I finally saw him again... with his new girlfriend. He looked at me, you know, he looked right at me, and then he just walked away, without a word. It was just over. That's the moment I thought of Clean Teens. Like you said, it's not like I'm actually gonna tell you anything real. Haley: Okay pregant girl on the roof! Skills: Come on, [...] we had a deel, no early delivers! Haley: Right! Skills: Now check it out you're gonna love this view, it's the [...] Haley: Wow, this view really is the [...]. Skills: You see that factory way out there? I might possibly work in this [...] graduate in Tree Hill. Six days a week on [...]. So we're supposed to tell each other something personal right? Haley: Yeah. Skills: Ok, well, here's mine. There's a job waiting for me in that place, if I don't get a scholarship to college. Haley: It's not gonna happen Skills. I can feel it! Skills: I'm glad you're so sure. Haley: NO, the baby's kiking I can feel it! Here! Skills: It's like a step show. Haley: Something personal right? Skills: Yeah! Peyton: So I guess I was right about the partial nudity thing. Boys lockroom? Nathan: Just following the assignment. Peyton: Ok. Nathan: You see this [...]? The summer I decided t really dedicate myself to basketball, my dad said I was way too skinny to ever be a great player. He said I wasn't tough enough, that I wasn't stong enough. So to prove him wrong, I spent every single day in this training room. It was like a thousand degrees in it, but I wasn't gonna let him be right. Peyton: Anger's motivation. Nathan: Anger and inspiration. Everytime I benched another ten pounds, I scratched two letters, under the plate. Peyton: What does it say? PS? Nathan: It was the same summer we started dating. We were pretty good together weren't we? Peyton: Gimme your hand. Ok, I want you to feel this. Nathan: Geez what happened? Peyton: I broke that neckle punching something after we've broken up for like the twentieth time! We were horrible together! Nathan: Yeah, I know, I was kinda hoping you forgot. Peyton: No. Bevin: Ok so I don't get it. We're supposed to do these stuff on the list and then take a picture for the year book. Rachel: That's the plan! Bevin: Well I already took my photo for the year book, and my hair looked really pretty that day. Rachel: It's not that kind of photo... and anyway it doesn't matter because this assignment makes me wanna get high. Bevin: Seriously. Rachel: You're not listening, see: this assignment makes me wanna get high. Brooke: I got a copy of the key and I stole the test. Chase: It's great Brooke, anything else? Brooke: I don't really believe in Clean Teens I just stayed in it because of you. That's the one thing I was really truthful about: my feelings for you. Chase: Well it doesn't matter now does it? Mouth: Anyone for starting over? Shelly: Hey. I'm sorry about judging you. You seem like a really nice guy. Mouth: Ok you gotta stop saying that! Shelly: Why? Mouth: Because that's part of the problem! I hate being the nice guy, the little brother, the great friend. For just once, I'd like to be a little dangerous you know. Not so safe. Shelly: Yeah. Mouth: So, what's next on the list? Shelly: Ok: lighten up. Do an impression of a celebrity or a famous character. Mouth: This is gonna be awesome baby! He's a [...], a [...] magician! It's Dick Vitale. He's a sports annoucer. He's really famous. Lucas: You seem so familiar love. Have I threatened you before? I'm captain Jack Sparrow. Haley: So my sister Mary Kate was like: Ashley, you really need to eat something. Lucas: Merry Christmas you [...]! Nathan: I like you, do you like me? Peyton: I like sexytime explosion! Haley: I'm sorry Dawson, it's just, I love Pacey. Brooke: Happy Birthday Mister President. Haley: Say hello to my little friend! Nathan: My wife, she's very nice. Hi 5! Lucas: My precious, oh my precious gotta keep it from the hobbitses, oh the hobbitses! Glenda: You do a really good Elmo. Shelly: Admit something that worries you or something you're afraid of. Mouth: You. Shelly: Me? Why? Mouth: Because you're really pretty. And it's kinda intimidating. Nathan: I walked a hundred times in the gim, thousands of fans screaming at me, taunting me, I never flinched. I just take it all and [...]. No fear. But the thought of being a father scares the hell out of me. Haley: I love the idea of being a mom. I really do. But, I just, I still wanna leave my mark on this world. Skills: That what scares you? Not having the chance to do that? Haley: Yeah, a little. And clowns. Clowns really scare me. Bevin: What are you afraid of Rachel? Rachel? Rachel: I'm afraid, I'm way too high to care. Brooke: I was worried I wouldn't be enough for you. That's why I lied. That's what I'm afraid of. Not being enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not... Chase: Brooke, you're the student council president, captain of the Cheerleaders and probably one of the most popular girls of the school! How is that not good enough? Brooke: I don't know you should ask my parents, considering they haven't called in a month. A month and a half, actually. Not a single call, or texto, or email so what do you suppose that says about me? Chase: I think it says more about your parents. Brooke: You haven't told me what you're afraid of. Glenda: I'm afraid of my mom. Lucas: Come on, is she really that bad? Glenda: You see these diamond earings? I can only wear them at school because I stole them from her. Lucas: Why? Glenda: Because she loves them more than me. How about you? Lucas: I'm killing two birds in one stone. Something personal and something I'm afraid of. This is the first draft to a novel I'm writting. This is the personal part. Glenda: Who knew? Lucas: No one. Glenda: How come? Lucas: My first dream was to play professional basketball, I already gave that up. You're holding my second dream. If this thing sucks it's gonna be kinda hard to find a third one. Bevin: Ok, where do you plan to be in ten years? Rachel: In ten years, I plan to be twenty eight. Bevin: Not at this rate. Brooke: I want my fashionline to be hugely successful. Chase: I'd like to be a pilot. I always wanted to fly. Shat off to far away places. Brooke: Milan. Chase: Why not? That or be an X Game champion. That would make Clean Teens a bad ass! [SCENE_BREAK] Nathan: Oh I hope in ten years, Haley's got a bunch of platine albums, my dad learnt how to be a great grandparent, my mom's alive and sober and hopefully my son will have a kickass of a drible! Peyton: Ok, but the question is about you duffus! Where do you plan to be in ten years? Natan: I know, but if everbody else's dreams come true, then, I'll be fine. Peyton: Nate, I think it's great that you take care of Haley, and that you're worried about your family, but if you don't start putting yourself first every once in a while, and chasing your own dream, then, I'm scared you're gonna wake up one day, and have to wonder what could have been, like Dan. Don't be haunted like that Nate. Skills: You know basketball is global now right? I mean, everybody thinks being a pro is just NBA. Me I'd be happy just playing backetball oversea somewhere. So we [...] on a world tour, we'll remember this day and [...] a laugh about it. Haley: Ohhh man, I'd love to play music for living, but, if that doesn't happen I'll also be happy. Skills: Yeah? Doing what? Shelly: You know I don't know yet. But, whatever it is it's gonna be ok because I'll have a great group of friends, that I can laugh with and a few secret comforts that keep me sain, like I want a grey big [...] cat that greets me when I come home. And a boy, that I'm in love with. Yeah, in ten years I'm definitely in love. Lucas: Oh if I don't make it as a writter I can at least come back here and coach the Ravens. I mean Whitey's retired, my mom's here, and besides I love this place. Glenda: Not me. I can't wait to get out of here. I'm going as far away as I can get, and I'm gonna try to forget this place ever existed. Haley: I never thought about teaching until now but, I thing I could be really happy doing that. When I tutor someone, and I watch them get it like that light goes on, it just feels really good. Anyway. Skills: So look we got one more thing to do, before we take our pictures. Tell your partner a secret. This one will do some damages. Brooke: Rachel bet me that I couldn't sleep with you within three dates. Chase: Well. Brooke: But I need you to know something. I would have never ever asked you to compromise what you believe in or try to presure you out of it. That's the truth. And I just need you to know it. Even though I kno I don't have a chance with you now. Chase: Is that it? No more secrets? Brooke: That's it. I promise. Chase: Well here's one more. You are enough Brooke. And if I just get you to quit lying, I think i'm gonna like the real you. But shhhh, don't tell anyone. It's a secret. Rachel: What time is it? It feels like we've been in here for ever. Bevin: Well, that's because you're wasted. I don't suppose you wanna tell me a secret and actually participate. Rachel: I'll tell you a secret, not because of class, just because. I never really felt anything with the guys I slept with. When I got my new body I thought it would change everything. Maybe it did for the boys, but not for me. Bevin: You know, I always wanted to know what it was like to be a dude, like walking through the halls in jeans and a [...] tee shirt or bad ass, you know, talking smack and checking out checks and stuff. Rachel: Checking out checks. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I'm into girls. What the hell are you doing? Bevin: Did you feel anything? Rachel: No! Bevin: Then you're not into girls! Trust me Rachel, I'm a really good kisser, and you'd totally be into me right now. Skills: It's my shcolarship offer, or not, I mean, I haven't had the courage to open it yet. Haley: Skills, you can't keep this secret. Come on I've got a really good feeling about it open it! Skills: Ok just give me a few minutes though. Haley: Ok. Skills: Won't you tell me your secret? Now we talk. Haley: Sometimes I feel incredibly disconnected, really uncomfortable in my own skin. Kind of, like I don't fit in to this wolrd. Like I was born at the wrong time, and I don't belong. I just think about my son, and it scares me because I don't ever want him to feel like he doesn't belong. I don't know if my heart could bear that. Skills: Nah, he'll belong. The kid's gonna rock this place. Haley: You think so? Skills: Oh yeah I do. Cause his mom got his back, and if she don't, I do, I promise. Glenda: Ok. Here. Lucas: You're on the pill. Glenda: No I'm not on the pill. Lucas: You have the pill, but you're not on it, that's very secretive. Glenda: When my mom was in high school, she was one of the Pretty and Popular. And I think her greatest dispointment is that I'm not! Sometimes she teases me about it, and not in a fun way like, like why can't I loose some weight, and how I'll never get a boyfriend. Lucas: That sucks. Glenda: Yeah. Anyway, one day I got some flowers from my boyfriend. Lucas: So you have a boyfriend. Glenda: No, I made him up, and I sent the flowers to myself. He was pretty awesome though he sent me all kinds of things. Lucas: Your imaginary boyfriend. Glenda: Anyway, I told my mom we were getting serious, and that maybe I should go on the pill. And in my head I thought it would be this binding experience like, she'd secretly be happy for me, sit me down and coucil me about being safe or just tell me to wait or ... just be my mom. Instead she took me to the doctor, got me the pill, when we left the pharmacy she hanged me the prescription and she said 'I don't know who'd sleep with you but here you are!' Lucas: I'm sorry Glenda. Glenda: It's ok. So I looked at her and I said 'I don't know who'd sleep with you either but here I am!'. And we haven't spoken since, not a word. Lucas: How long has it been? Glenda: Like 8 weeks. She just drives me off to school and picks me up, and we just don't talk. There's just silence, silence and disappointment. Nathan: My mom tried to kill herself. Peyton: What? Nathan: She sucked a bunch of pills. I haven't told anybody. Just Haley. Peyton: Nathan I'm so sorry. Nathan: The worst point about it is when I found out that she might die, there's a moment, there's just a fraction of a second, when I actually, I felt relieved, like maybe it was for the best. You believe that? A kid actually feeling relieved at the thought of loosing his mother? What kind of person does that make me, Peyton, that I can feel that? Peyton: I can't whistle. Nothing. Nathan: That's terrible! How can you not whistle? Peyton: I know okay I'm pathetic. Shelly: I've got a pair of leather pants in my locker that I'd be dying to wear! Mouth: Nice. You should totally rock those. Shelly: I can't. I'm a Clean Teen. Doesn't exactly fit the image. Mouth: Then change the image. Shelly: Mouth before I, took back my virginity, I was kind of... friendly. It just figures, everyone saw me as a slut, and now I am this radical virgin who can't wear a pair of leather pants. Sometimes I just wish they'd see me as a girl, you know, just a girl, nice, cool sometimes, [...]. Mouth: Beautiful. Shelly: So, how do you know about all this media stuff? Mouth: Oh, hum, me and Jimmy... Shelly: Jimmy Edwards? Mouth: He was my friend. I miss him a lot. I have to keep it secret because he killed Lucas' uncle Keith and I loved Keith. But, it doesn't mean I don't miss my friend you know, especially with graduation coming up. Shelly: Sorry. I never told you what I'm afraid of, second question on the list. I'm kind of afraid of being here with you. Mouth: Why? Shelly: Because I'm a Clean Teen, and your hot. Brooke: I'm sorry I lied Chase. It's just you're a Clean Teen, and you're hot, and... Mouth: You were serious about me being decent looking or, are you just trying to make up for the geek comment? Chase: I didn't say decent looking. I said hot. Mouth, I'm a Clean Teen. Mouth: So what? Glenda: So I've been thinking about your manuscript. You need to give it to someone who won't go easy with you, someone who's gonna tell you the truth... Lucas: Someone like you? Glenda: I haven't actually been that truthful, I mean not about school. The truth is I'm gonna miss this place. And it's all my fault. I just wish I would have tried harder, and I just didn't wanna look like an idiot. Lucas: I think everybody feels that way sometimes. You know like people don't see them for who they really are. It's not just you. Glenda: You would have made a great goth you know? A little tortured, a bit of a loaner, but kind. Hey, I have an idea for your picture. Rachel: Thank God, this ridiculous class is almost over. Bevin: I liked it. Rachel: That's because you're too blisfully stupid to resist. Bevin: I know poeple think I'm stupid. But I'm not dumb. I just let you and the other girls have your way because how you need it to be. But I think Carl's right. Pretty soon we're all gonna graduate and, I can start over. But it'll be harder for the people who need this place to make themselves so special. People who use highschool to build themselves up and then find out that the real world doesn't care so much about who you were in high school, people like you. Ok, so, what are we gonna do for our pictures? Mouth: You need to go get those leather pants. Shelly: What? Mouth: For the picture. Also, your need to take off your shirt. Shelly: Wait what? Peyton: Take off your shirt? Nathan: Wow, just like the old days. Peyton: Stop it, I have an idea for your picture, but before you do that, come here. Look the bell is gonna ring soon and I don't know if I'm gonna have the chance to say it so, I'm gonna say it now. You're doing great Nathan. Alright? Just please, put yourself first sometimes. Well now let's see the marchandise! Nathan: Ohhh, fun. Peyton: Let's go, chop, chop, baby! Skills: I want you to open it. Tell me, if it's the factory or college? Haley: Okay, but I want you to know that no matter what this letter says you're gonna find your way to some great things. I know it. Skills: Yeah well if it all means the same, I'd rather find my great things to college. Haley: Well, it looks like you'll be going into that factory, and you're gonna tell your father that you just got a full ride to college. Skills: Girl, that's messed up! I almost doomed my ass off this damn roof! Haley: Ohhh sorry! Brooke: So, how about it? You think one class can change your life? Chase: The way you kiss? Definitely. You still think you're not good enough? Brooke: I don't think that ever goes away, but I think you just have to learn to deal with it, you know, learn to use it. Chase: So let's use it then! Chase: Today I spent an hour with Brooke Davis, and I learnt something. People are all gonna label you. But it's how you overcome those labels. Thats' what matters. Brooke: I spent an hour with Chase Adams. He's a Clean Teen, and that's pretty cool! Peyton: People think they know Nathan Scott. I know I did. But, I discovered something new today. Nathan Scott is a martyr. He's also gonna be a terrific father. Nathan: I spent the class with Peyton Sawyer. It reminded me what a good friend she is. I also learnt that considering recent history, she's not quite ready for the whole picture thing. Mouth: Some of you have met Shelly Simon, Clean Teen, but today, I got to know Shelly Simon, teen. I also asked her to prom. Shelly: An hour ago I called Marvin Mc Fadden nice. He is. But I should have called him dangerous. I also said yes to prom. Rachel: This is one of the best classes I've ever had. A kick-ass fifty minutes during which Bevin told me she always wanted to be a guy. Bevin: I spent the hour with Rachel, and I think she learnt today that I am not an idiot. This is my picture of her. Skills: Over the years I've known Haley James book warm, Haley James sarcastic girl, Haley James Scott rock star and Haley James Scott mother to be. Today I got reaquainted with just Haley, my girl friend. She get heavier too! Haley: Skills has been my friend since really young, and today I remembered why, he's a great listener, he's gonna do awesome in college, and he deserves to be on top of the world. Glenda: Fifty minutes ago, I called Lucas Scott a jock. But I was wrong, he's more than one simple word, I guess we all are. Anyway I learnt that Lucas is actually a lot like me. Who knew? Lucas: I wish I would have hung out with Glenda before today. Something tells me she could have been a great friend. But it's good to know there's still a little time left to do that. - Glenda! Listen would you mind taking a look at this for me? I need someone I can trust to tell me the truth. Glenda: Sure, ok, Lucas Scott. Lucas: Hey, today was awesome, I had a blass with you. See you tomorrow. - And I also learnt her last name. - Hey Mrs Farell. Glenda: Ok, mum, let's go. Lucas: And I learnt that one hour can change everything.
doc_288	5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER DOCTOR: I don't think he's quite awake yet! (VICKI laughs but the good mood is shattered as she lets out an ear piercing scream. From behind a frosted glass partition in the black spaceship wall, a pair of hideous round alien eyes are starting out at them...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. PASSAGEWAY (A CHUMBLEY moves along the passageway.) AIRLOCK (It reaches the end of the passageway and turns the corner into another.) WILLIAM EMMS [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER (The DOCTOR and VICKI turn as they hear the sound of the CHUMBLEY approaching.) DOCTOR: There's a Chumbley coming! Quickly! (They both rush toward one of the passageways and pull to a halt as they see it is the one that the CHUMBLEY is moving down.) VICKI: Oh, Doctor! DOCTOR: Hurry! Quick! (They turn and flee down another passageway. The CHUMBLEY enters the central chamber. It pauses and then goes down the passageway taken by the DOCTOR and VICKI.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. PASSAGEWAY (The DOCTOR and VICKI hurry along, the sound of pursuing CHUMBLIES not far behind them.) DOCTOR: Come on! VICKI: (Breathlessly.) Come on, Doctor! (The DOCTOR sees the exit to the outside.) DOCTOR: (Breathlessly.) This way out. Come on! We'll make it! (They reach the entrance. The DOCTOR is a little way ahead of VICKI, who turns to look behind her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. THE RILL CENTRE (The DOCTOR emerges and turns back to VICKI. As she is about to exit, a heavy iron grill slams down in front of her. She grips the bars frantically and looks out.) DOCTOR: Oh! Ah! VICKI: Oh! Doctor! (The DOCTOR runs over and examines the bars.) DOCTOR: (Breathlessly) I can't move it! It's immovable! Wait, wait, wait! I have an idea. (The DOCTOR looks around and sees the mechanism on the wall he examined before.) DOCTOR: I might be able to sabotage them. Now be patient. (He moves across to the mechanism and takes out a screwdriver from his pocket. VICKI waits, grasping the bars while looking behind her, expecting the CHUMBLEY at any minute. The DOCTOR quickly examines the air-converter unit.) DOCTOR: We know what this machine's for. This is to convert air into ammonia gas. VICKI: (With desperation) Doctor, hurry up! DOCTOR: Yes, now, have patience child. (He starts to take it apart.) DOCTOR: When I've finished with...this machine, I'm sure they will release you. VICKI: Never mind about that, release these bars! DOCTOR: No! No! That's the last thing we do. This is the thing that gives them the gas to breathe with. VICKI: You don't know that for certain! DOCTOR: My dear child, the Rills can't go outside. It's a foregone conclusion. (VICKI turns once more and looks down the passageway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. PASSAGEWAY (Two CHUMBLIES moves along the passageway and reach VICKI. The DOCTOR appears on the other side of the bars and looks in. The CHUMBLIES make signs just as the one they first met did.) VICKI: (Fearfully.) Doctor! They...I think they...want me to go with them. DOCTOR: Well, I think you... you'd better do what they want, hmm? VICKI: (Nervously.) But Doctor, that thing in there - that thing looking out of the window, what... DOCTOR: Yes, that was one of the Rills, I suppose. VICKI: (Softly.) Doctor, I'm so scared. DOCTOR: Now, look, you go with them, quickly, but don't cause any trouble. It'll give me time to see if I can help you. I think perhaps I can do something with that machine, but I must have time! Hmm? Yes? VICKI: All right. Be quick. DOCTOR: All right, don't worry. Goodbye! (VICKI eyes the CHUMBLEY and moves toward it. The CHUMBLEY backs away. VICKI moves down the passageway followed by the CHUMBLEY. Another CHUMBLEY moves to meet her, and they nudge her toward the central chamber.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. THE RILL CENTRE (Having watched her go, the DOCTOR moves away from the bars and resumes work on the air-converter with his screwdriver.) DOCTOR: Dah! [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP (STEVEN is still in the padded corner. He is lying down, apparently asleep.) DRAHVIN TWO: Maaga, shall we go? MAAGA: Where? DRAHVIN TWO: To patrol. MAAGA: I see no need. DRAHVIN TWO: To see what the other two are doing. MAAGA: No. DRAHVIN TWO: But, Maaga... MAAGA: Can you hear me? DRAHVIN TWO: We always go out on patrol at this time. MAAGA: Yes, but not now. (The three DRAHVINS look uneasily at one another.) MAAGA: Soldier Drahvins, you can't understand anything that's different, can you? You are made unintelligent, and you remain that way for the rest of your lives. (MAAGA turns away and sighs, talking almost to herself.) MAAGA: I told them soldiers were no good for space work. All they can do is kill. But they wouldn't listen. If you are to conquer space, they said, you will need soldiers. So here I am confronted with danger. I'm the only one able to think! (She turns back to the others.) MAAGA: Very well. I am your...commanding officer. I am your controller, am I not? DRAHVIN TWO: Yes, Maaga. MAAGA: And you obey my orders? DRAHVIN TWO: Yes, Maaga. MAAGA: Why? DRAHVIN TWO: Because you are our leader. MAAGA: And? DRAHVIN TWO: You think. MAAGA: And you don't know what that means. (The DRAHVINS are silent.) MAAGA: But because I think, I order that there will be no patrol now. We have a prisoner. In order to save him, the other two must help us. (She looks towards STEVEN.) DRAHVIN ONE: I do not understand why they would want to help a friend. MAAGA: I know you don't. DRAHVIN ONE: We would not. We would leave him here. MAAGA: Yes... (Laughs.) ...we would. But I have heard of creatures like these. They help one another. DRAHVIN THREE: Why, Maaga? MAAGA: I don't know. I have heard, that on occasions, they even die for one another. (The DRAHVINS look confused.) DRAHVIN THREE: Die? For their friends? MAAGA: There are many strange things in the universe. DRAHVIN TWO: I do not understand. MAAGA: (Harshly.) I know you don't. But, despite that, you will obey orders! (The three DRAHVINS bow their heads submissively. After a pause, MAAGA speaks softly, almost to herself.) MAAGA: It may be that we shall kill neither the Rills nor these Earth creatures. Not with our own hands, that is. It may be better for us to escape in the Rills' spaceship and leave them here. (Softly excited.) And then...when we are out in space, we can look back. We will see a vast, white, exploding planet...and know that they have died with it! DRAHVIN ONE: But we will not see them die. MAAGA: (Softly.) You will not! But I, at least, have enough intelligence to imagine it. The fear...the horror...the shuddering of a planet in its last moments of life! And then they die. (Sighs.) But that is for later. (She turns back to the DRAHVINS and issues instructions to them each, in turn.) MAAGA: Attention! (To DRAHVIN TWO.) You will rest. (To DRAHVIN THREE.) You will guard the prisoner. (To DRAHVIN ONE.) You will go out and look for the Earth creatures. Open the door. (DRAHVIN THREE moves round the table, picking up her gun as she does so. She crosses to a chair near STEVEN and sits down, the gun across her lap. DRAHVIN TWO goes into the inner room whilst ONE goes outside. MAAGA goes over and looks down at STEVEN.) DRAHVIN ONE: He sleeps. MAAGA: But you will not! He must not move! (MAAGA goes into the inner room. As she does so, STEVEN opens his eyes slightly and squints up at DRAHVIN THREE, who is staring straight ahead.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER (A CHUMBLEY backs in followed by VICKI. She searches about her and looks nervously at the place where she saw the watching eyes. The shutter on the door is closed. Another CHUMBLEY comes out of the passageway. The two CHUMBLIES chatter to themselves for a moment, then, from the CHUMBLEY facing VICKI, comes a high-pitched sound. VICKI stares at it blankly. It stops, twitters at her once or twice more, then falls silent. The CHUMBLEY behind VICKI nudges her. She puts up with this for a few moments then angrily reacts.) VICKI: Oh, stop doing that! What do you want, anyway? (At once, a series of varying sounds comes from the CHUMBLEY, which resolve into a repeat of VICKI'S question speeded up, then repeated but slower, over and over again...) RILL VOICE: What do you want anyway? What do you want anyway? What do you want anyway? What do you want anyway? (Finally, the statement comes out of the CHUMBLEY at a normal rate in a deep sonorous male voice.) RILL VOICE: What do you want anyway? (Then from the CHUMBLEY, as though it has now deciphered VICKI'S words, comes intelligible speech.) RILL VOICE: We are sorry to separate you from your friend, but it was necessary. (VICKI is surprised. She jumps as the shutter in front of the glass slides open. The eyes can be seen looking through at her and they are attached to a tusked creature which is wreathed in smoke. VICKI looks from the window to the CHUMBLEY.) VICKI: (Fearfully.) Who are you? RILL VOICE: Who are you? VICKI: (Fearfully.) We're, er...we're time travellers. From the planet Earth. RILL VOICE: (Suspiciously.) I see. You were sent here by the Drahvins? VICKI: Yes. RILL VOICE: (Threateningly.) To do us harm? VICKI: (Fearfully.) No! No, you see...the Drahvins are...keeping a friend of ours...prisoner. So, we had to do as they said. RILL VOICE: What was that? VICKI: (Reluctantly.) To capture your spaceship. RILL VOICE: Why do they want to capture it? We have offered to take them with us. VICKI: They didn't tell us that! RILL VOICE: No. They would not. They would rather kill. They hate us. VICKI: Well, you did kill one of them. RILL VOICE: (Shouts.) We kill no one! VICKI: But they... (VICKI suddenly gathers her courage.) VICKI: Look, who is talking? Is it...is it this Chumbley, or is it... (She looks toward the open shutter.) VICKI: ...someone else? RILL VOICE: You call the machines Chumblies? VICKI: Yes. RILL VOICE: The Chumblies have a speaker in them. They are transmitting our thoughts. VICKI: Your... your thoughts? RILL VOICE: We do not speak like you. We have no vocal chords. We communicate in thought. VICKI: Who are you? RILL VOICE: We are the Rills. VICKI: Why can't I see you? RILL VOICE: It is better that you do not. Not all the dominant species in the universe look like humans. Our appearance might shock you as it shocked the Drahvins. [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. THE RILL CENTRE (The DOCTOR has now removed some of the top plates from the air converter and is peering in. He is hard at work with his screwdriver.) DOCTOR: Hmm! [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER VICKI: (Firmly.) The Drahvins said that you attacked them. RILL VOICE: That is short of the truth. We were investigating outer space when we encountered a strange ship. Rills do not attack or kill without good reason, so we stopped our ship. Their ship also stopped. We hung in space facing each other. We could have turned and gone away, but we were afraid that we would be attacked. VICKI: Yes, what happened? RILL VOICE: For four dawns we hung there. Then we decided to turn. As we were doing so the Drahvins fired. Immediately we did the same, and both ships crashed. When we escaped from our ship we discovered that we could not breathe the atmosphere here, but we had a small supply of our own, and set out to help the Drahvins. (As the RILL speaks through the CHUMBLEY, what happened appears as a flashback through the RILL'S eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. PLANET (FLASHBACK) (Glimpses of other RILLS can be seen, but none clearly, as they are at the edge of vision. As the RILL looks around, a Drahvin is seen, lying face down on the ground.) RILL VOICE: (OOV.) The first one we found was badly injured. (The RILL moves in on the wounded Drahvin.) RILL VOICE: (OOV.) We started to help the soldier. (The RILL looks up - a cold-faced MAAGA is approaching.) RILL VOICE: (OOV.) Then Maaga, their leader, appeared. She started to shoot at us, so we left. (MAAGA fires at the RILLS who start to back off.) RILL VOICE: (OOV.) We could have fought back. Our weapons are superior to theirs. But, we do not kill! The Drahvins do! (MAAGA aims her gun at the injured Drahvin and fires.) RILL VOICE: (OOV.) When we looked back, we saw Maaga kill the injured soldier. [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER VICKI: But all the Drahvins believe that you did that! RILL VOICE: We know. That is why they keep attacking us. VICKI: Would you really have taken those people off with you? RILL VOICE: Why not? What do we gain if they die? (VICKI looks at the Rill through the open shutters.) RILL VOICE: We will help you rescue your friend. (VICKI does not respond.) RILL VOICE: Something is worrying you? VICKI: Yes, I...I wish I could see the whole of you. RILL VOICE: It is better that you don't. Besides, we cannot come out. In order to live we must have ammoniac gas. So we live in here in a compartment where it is filtered in. VICKI: (Horrified.) You mean you can't breathe oxygen at all? RILL VOICE: No. Our home planet... (VICKI tries to leave, but the CHUMBLEY blocks her path.) RILL VOICE: What is it? VICKI: (Desperately.) You must let me out quickly, or you'll all be killed! RILL VOICE: (Horrified.) Killed? By whom? VICKI: By the Doctor - he's trying to wreck your machine for making ammoniac gas! (The CHUMBLEY moves out of the way and VICKI dashes off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. THE RILL CENTRE (The DOCTOR is still working at the air-converter mechanism. It is now partially dismantled.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP (STEVEN is still pretending to be asleep, but is squinting at the DRAHVIN that is guarding him, who is herself nodding off to sleep. Slowly, STEVEN eases himself up into a sitting position. He eases his legs down to the floor. There is a creak. The DRAHVIN reacts slightly but continues to doze. STEVEN slowly reaches toward the DRAHVIN'S gun. With one movement he snatches the gun, clasps a hand over the DRAHVIN'S mouth, and keeps moving forward so that the DRAHVIN and the chair she is sitting on topple over backwards. Holding the gun, STEVEN prepares to cover the DRAHVIN, but he realizes that the fall has knocked her unconscious. He listens. All is silent. He moves toward the lever that opens the door. There is a humming sound and the door begins to slide open. At the same time, MAAGA enters the main room, gun in hand.) MAAGA: He's trying to escape! (STEVEN leaps toward the outer door, but it is closed. He turns back to see MAAGA, by now joined by the other DRAHVINS, approaching. He points his gun at them.) STEVEN: Stop! (They halt. MAAGA comes forward.) MAAGA: Don't shoot. You can't escape. Give up and we will not harm you. STEVEN: Oh, I'd be a fool to believe that, wouldn't I? [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP. AIRLOCK (He glances to the side and sees two buttons on the wall. While still pointing his gun at the DRAHVINS, he presses one button and the inner door slides shut, sealing him off from the DRAHVINS. He presses the other button, and the outer door opens. He exits.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP (STEVEN emerges and looks warily about. He is about to move off when he sees a CHUMBLEY approaching. He stares at it, gun at the ready, then looks back at the spaceship. He makes his decision and heads back into the airlock.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP. AIRLOCK (He presses the button to close the outer door, and as it closes behind him, the CHUMBLEY moves in and waits. He turns toward the inner door and, through the porthole in the door, is startled to see MAAGA standing there, a cruel smile on her face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. THE RILL CENTRE (The DOCTOR is reaching into the machine. With a grunt of pleasure he brings out a small metal plate and drops it on the ground. Then he peers in again. Afterwards, he picks up the screwdriver and poises it over the machine. He soon starts to cough at the smell of ammoniac gas.) VICKI: (OOV: Inside the Rill centre.) Doctor! No! (The DOCTOR turns in surprise and sees a desperate VICKI running down the passageway towards him.) VICKI: Don't do it, Doctor! Doctor! DOCTOR: (Coughing.) Oh! Child! (The DOCTOR, coughing, moves away from the machine. VICKI and the CHUMBLEY walk out of the passageway as the bars slide up out of sight.) VICKI: (Breathlessly.) Oh! Oh! I was going to be too late. DOCTOR: Are you sure you're all right, child, hmm? Hmm? Hmm. VICKI: Yes. DOCTOR: Hmm. hmm. VICKI: And the Rills won't harm us. They want to help. RILL VOICE: We were told your friend is in danger. (The DOCTOR starts back, surprised by the fact that the CHUMBLEY can talk.) DOCTOR: Er... (Stutters.) ...is that a Rill talking? VICKI: Yes. DOCTOR: Hmm! VICKI: Well, answer him. DOCTOR: (Shouting.) Oh yes, you were told correctly! VICKI: (Smiles.) Doctor, they're not deaf! DOCTOR: Oh, I...I...oh, I'm sorry. I beg your pardon. I...I thought you couldn't hear. RILL VOICE: We are not deaf, you know. DOCTOR: (Embarrassed.) Ah. RILL VOICE: Perhaps you will both come inside. DOCTOR: Ah, yes. It does occurs to me that, er, if we do that we, er, might be trapped, hmm? VICKI: Doctor, if the Rills wanted to harm us, the Chumbley could shoot us now. DOCTOR: Ah, yes. Indeed. Of course, child. Yes, that's quite true, quite true. Yes. Well, lead the way! Ah...er, lead the way. (Laughs.) As it happens, I'd like to take a look round. (They walk into the passageway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. PASSAGEWAY (Another CHUMBLEY passes them moving out of the centre.) DOCTOR: Er, what's this? What's this fellow doing, hmm? RILL VOICE: Going to repair the damage you have done. DOCTOR: (Embarrassed.) Ah, yes. Quite so. (He laughs nervously to himself, looks apologetic, and grimaces at VICKI. They move down the passageway.) DOCTOR: Tell me, what do these Rills look like, hmm? VICKI: They won't show themselves, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh? Why ever not? (The CHUMBLEY halts and turns.) DOCTOR: Hmm? RILL VOICE: Because our appearance would not be pleasant to you. DOCTOR: Oh, what nonsense! We're not children, you know? RILL VOICE: It is best you do not see us. (The CHUMBLEY turns and moves off.) DOCTOR: Oh, very well. Carry on, carry on. (To VICKI.) Oh, what utter rubbish, isn't it? (Laughs.) (They move off after the CHUMBLEY.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER (The CHUMBLEY enters and halts, followed by the DOCTOR and VICKI. The DOCTOR looks around.) DOCTOR: Oh, yes. This... uh, this drill rigging here. Eh, tell me, what is it you're drilling for, hmm? RILL VOICE: Power. We must have power for launching our spaceship. The suns are too weak to supply this power, therefore, by drilling we may find some in the ground. DOCTOR: Very well, if you take my advice, you'll get a move on. There's very little time left. RILL VOICE: You know about the explosion of this planet? DOCTOR: Oh, yes! We know more than you. Your timing is wrong. The disintegration of this planet is not fourteen dawns away. It is now less than two dawns. RILL VOICE: (Agitated.) Two dawns! DOCTOR: Two dawns. RILL VOICE: Then we have no chance of survival! VICKI: But you've repaired your ship. RILL VOICE: Yes, but the only power we find is a gas, and that is of no use to us. We have no means of converting it into the sun-ray power we need. DOCTOR: I think I might be able to supply you with the power you need. Yes, I think I'll help you, since you're so willing to help us. RILL VOICE: We would be deeply grateful. DOCTOR: Hmm! VICKI: You keep saying we. How many of you are there? RILL VOICE: Four. VICKI: That doesn't seem many for manning a spaceship. RILL VOICE: We were twelve. Eight of us died in the crash. DOCTOR: First I will need some metal-cored cable. RILL VOICE: We have some. DOCTOR: Splendid. Splendid. I think I can put into effect the transference of power from my ship to this. Now, first of all, I must...I must have a conversion. Now is that possible? RILL VOICE: We shall do all that you say, you are our only... (The CHUMBLEY stops talking and starts chittering. There is the sound of machinery, as though from a control panel in the RILLS' chamber.) RILL VOICE: Ah. VICKI: What's that? DOCTOR: What's the matter, hmm? RILL VOICE: We have just received a message from a machine. VICKI: A Chumbley? RILL VOICE: It is by the Drahvin spaceship. It reports that a being, not Drahvin, came out of it. VICKI: (To the DOCTOR.) Steven. RILL VOICE: It detected that he was a friend of yours, but before contact could be made, he went back in again. VICKI: He still thinks the Chumblies are dangerous, you see. (To the DOCTOR.) Doctor, let me go and tell him... DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) That won't be necessary, my dear. He's quite capable enough of looking after himself. (To the CHUMBLEY.) Now, the cable, please, the cable! [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP (MAAGA and the DRAHVIN'S watch STEVEN through a window in the airlock door. MAAGA speaks to him through an intercom.) MAAGA: Do you hear me, Earthman? (STEVEN looks at her.) STEVEN: (Over intercom.) Yes, I hear you. MAAGA: Throw down your gun, and we will set you free. [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP. AIRLOCK (Defiantly STEVEN looks at his gun and grips it tighter.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) Very well, but if you try to come through here, you may kill one of us, but we will surely kill you. (STEVEN turns and looks through the outer door.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) Yes, outside a Rills' machine waits to kill also. STEVEN: All right. Then I'll stay here. I may be trapped but you can't harm me. MAAGA: (Over intercom.) You are in the airlock. On the wall there are some dials. They are pressure gauges. (STEVEN looks toward them.) STEVEN: So? [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP MAAGA: We can empty the oxygen out of that section, and you will suffocate. [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP. AIRLOCK (Alarmed, STEVEN looks around and moves to touch the button that opens the outer door.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) If you touch that, the door will open completely, leaving you at the mercy of the machine. [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP (DRAHVIN TWO and DRAHVIN THREE are at a control.) DRAHVIN TWO: (To MAAGA.) Ready? MAAGA: Pressure? DRAHVIN TWO: Normal. MAAGA: Temperature? DRAHVIN TWO: Normal. MAAGA: Good. Empty the airlock! (The DRAHVINS operate the control and the sound of escaping gas is heard.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP. AIRLOCK (STEVEN looks at one of the dials. The needle is flickering and drops very slightly.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) Yes, Earthman. The air is already leaving the airlock. You have three choices. STEVEN: Three? MAAGA: (Over intercom.) Stay there and die, go outside and be killed by the machine, or surrender! (STEVEN looks around desperately. The needle on the dial drops further.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER (VICKI is helping the DOCTOR to coil up some cable. The CHUMBLIES are there and the RILL watches from the other side of the shuttered door.) DOCTOR: Yes, good. Good. Yes, I think that's enough. That should be all right. Now then, let me have your arm. That's splendid. Now, follow me to the ship. RILL VOICE: Our thanks. (There are more noises from one of the CHUMBLIES.) VICKI: What does that mean? RILL VOICE: The Chumbley has reported that your friend is still in the ship. But he is making noises it cannot understand. It says they sound like...cries of distress! VICKI: Doctor! DOCTOR: I must go at once! (He turns to leave.) RILL VOICE: (Shouts.) You cannot help him alone! We will send two more Chumbley machines with you. DOCTOR: But what can they do? RILL VOICE: (Shouts.) Cut open the ship, if necessary! VICKI: Doctor, come on! DOCTOR: Hmm? RILL VOICE: Go! Quickly! The Chumbley reports that the sounds are weakening! DOCTOR: You stay here, child! VICKI: No, I'm coming with you! DOCTOR: All right! Come, then, come! Come along! (He points to one of the CHUMBLIES.) DOCTOR: And you - stay here until you receive a message! Come on! Quickly! Quickly! (The DOCTOR and VICKI follow the other CHUMBLIES into the passageway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. PASSAGEWAY (The CHUMBLIES, the DOCTOR, and VICKI rush along the corridor.) DOCTOR: Quick! [SCENE_BREAK] 30: EXT. THE RILL CENTRE (The CHUMBLIES exit the centre, followed by the DOCTOR and VICKI. Together they hurry off in the direction of the DRAHVIN spaceship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: EXT. PLANET (They approach the DRAHVIN'S spaceship. Without warning, DRAHVIN ONE appears. She aims her gun at them.) DRAHVIN ONE: Halt or I fire! Do not move! DOCTOR: What is wrong? DRAHVIN ONE: Where are you going? DOCTOR: Back to your spaceship, of course. (DRAHVIN ONE indicates the accompanying CHUMBLIES.) DRAHVIN ONE: The machines are our enemies. Why do you bring them too? DOCTOR: We're going to help you and Maaga and the rest of them to get to the Rill spaceship. We wish to save lives, not to destroy them. DRAHVIN ONE: Maaga does not trust you! I do not trust you! VICKI: Listen, we have captured these machines. They do anything we tell them now. Watch. (To the CHUMBLIES.) Come forward. (The CHUMBLIES roll towards her watched by DRAHVIN ONE.) VICKI: Stop. (They halt.) VICKI: Go back. (They retreat.) VICKI: Stop. (The CHUMBLIES do as VICKI commands.) VICKI: You see? (Unconvinced, DRAHVIN ONE turns and fires at one of the CHUMBLIES. A horrified VICKI struggles with her and manages to get the gun.) DOCTOR: Down, madam! DRAHVIN ONE: Oh! DOCTOR: Listen to me! DRAHVIN ONE: Kill me now! I have failed my duty! DOCTOR: Nonsense! Now, let us stop this thought of killing anyone. Now, madam, back to your spaceship. Back please. (VICKI points with the gun.) VICKI: Go on! Hurry! (They move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: EXT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP (Outside the DRAHIN ship, the waiting CHUMBLEY sends a message back to the Rill centre.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP. AIRLOCK (STEVEN is now much the worse for wear. His mouth is wide open and gasping for air.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) Why do you not give up, Earthman? (STEVEN gets up and staggers to the wall, activating the switch to open the outer door.) STEVEN: (Gasping.) I'd rather face the Chumblies than you any day. (MAAGA laughs.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) That will not work now. The pressure has locked the door. (STEVEN tries desperately to activate the switch.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) You must surrender, or die! (The dial is now very low. It drops further. STEVEN collapses to the floor.)
doc_289	Opening scene - We open on incredible aerial shots of the coast. then we stop outside the pool house to see Ryan and Seth walking out Seth: so you're saying you won't help me Ryan: I got a physics quiz, i'm kinda busy Seth: Ryan! Ryan: what? Seth: please man this is a crisis ok Zach an Summer, there full on dating now an that means I need a new girlfriend pronto Ryan: so your gonna start dating someone jus to show up Summer (they are now inside the Cohen kitchen) Seth: those are not the reasons (Ryan looks at him) I can't think of em right now, listen, hold on a second let's break bread, let's discuss broads (throws a bagel to Ryan) Ryan: (catches bagel) ooooh my graphing calculator, I left it in your room Seth: you know what else is in my room (walking out of the kitchen) Ryan: what, what is in your room (throws the bagel up and catches it) Seth: my year book (Ryan frowns) full of new ideas for fresh faced loved ones what'do you say we whittle down the list to like twenty finalists by homeroom Ryan: that's a bad idea (?) Seth: and you can keep my left overs Ryan: no, no thanks i'm not datin this year, that's the game plan(?) (goes up stairs) Seth: yes you are Ryan: (off screen) nope! Seth: you absolutely are, i'm not entering this new era alone (follows) (in the background Kirsten and Sandy are walking down the hall) Sandy: it is a new era, gettin the axe is the best thing that coulda happened to me, now the only person I answer to (points to himself) is me (they are now entering the kitchen) Kirsten: and my father (Sandy groans) all i'm saying is that he's your only client, isn't he Sandy: yeah, an you work for his wife (shakes his head) what was your father thinkin Kirsten: you can ask him, you'll be hangin with him all day Sandy: if I can win this case get my practice off the ground Kirsten: you can...spend your entire career defending (smirks) my father's rich clients Sandy: your not bringin me down honey, nope you heard Seth...it's a new era (Ryan and Seth come back into the kitchen, Ryan with his calculator and Seth holding his yearbook) Seth: sure is father an guess what, I jus think I found a new girlfriend Kirsten: here in the kitchen Ryan: ah no, in the new era Seth shops for girlfriends in the year book Seth: (reading) Tina Woo member of the acapella group, co president of the improv team shenanigans (nods) she's musical she's witty hopefully she's free for lunch Ryan: dude shenanigans Seth: (smiles) I know Kirsten: a-are you sure your ready to start dating sweetie, I mean after everything you've ben through with Summer Sandy: o- better he should mope (to Seth) don't listen to them, if it was up to your mother id still be workin at Partridge, Savage an Con, comin home bitchin about high price law suits Seth: (nods) totally, Ryan would you rather I go for the Woo or or keep talkin about Summer (Ryan and Kirsten look at each other, Ryan smiles) Kirsten: (smiles) here's to the new era (they all clink coffee cups) Sandy: ah-men Theme Song - California by Phantom Planet Harbor school - Ryan and Seth are walking up the stairs outside, 'screening' girls that walk by them Ryan: alright so the Tina Woo thing didn't happen, jus move on Seth: y'know a simple no from the Woo would've ben sufficient...I think the added laughter...was just unnecessary (to Tiffany) hey Tiffany: hey Seth Ryan: (looks back) what about her Seth: Tiffany Rosenberg? no we have a history (Ryan looks at him) third grade a class field trip to sea world I tried to sort of talk to the dolphins she over heard there was taunting, it was really bad, the bus ride home was a little boring Ryan: ah-huh, how bout I point out a girl you tell me whether or not you'd date her Seth: how bout I tell you whether or not she would date me Ryan: yeah exactly Seth: ok Ryan: (looking) uhhhh got her, right there (points to 2 girls) Seth: (looks) uhhhh yeah, an no Ryan: no? (nudges Seth in the elbow) Seth: uhhhh no, yeah Ryan: yeah? (Seth shrugs) (Lindsay walks up) Lindsay: are you shopping for girlfriends in the quad same time: Seth: yeah Ryan: no Lindsay: (laughs) classy an (shakes her head) not remotely demeaning Ryan: uh (points) Lindsay Seth, Seth Lindsay Seth: oooh hey Lindsay: so how does this work, is there a ranking system or is each girl judged on her individual merits, an by merits I mean her rack and or ass Ryan: it's a simple yes no survey Seth: yes, no, survey Lindsay: I see, well in that case (looks at Seth) no (looks at Ryan) and no (Ryan nods) ill see you in class (walks away) (Ryan smiles and waves) Seth: I can't believe I finally met her Ryan: Lindsay Seth: Lindsay Cohen, it's got a nice ring to it don't you think, will you hook that up for me Ryan: n-no Seth: why not, unless hey I mean d-do you like her? Ryan: oh n-n-n-n-n-no no its jus she's-she's argumentative, bossy, difficult Seth: yeah that's my type (nods) Ryan: yeah believe me, you should just hold out for somethin else Seth: no absolutely not I need that one, an I need you to make that happen for me ok, can you make it happen, can you hook me up, help a brother out Ryan: (closes his eyes) (reluctantly) I can hook it up Seth: that's what I like to hear, thankyou (makes fists at Ryan then walks off) CUT TO: Marissa and Summer walking together Marissa: this is a new era Summer, for the first time in my life I have like no boy drama Summer: wait that is not possible, you are a magnet for boy drama Marissa: i'm serious, Ryan an I just friends Summer: hmm an DJ? (Marissa looks at her) (gasps) what with the deltoids an the trapazoids(?) Marissa: he...wants...nothing ta do with me Summer: well did you apologise Marissa: (shrugs) I have no idea where he is, after he quit working for my parents he went totally MIA Summer: he can't be that hard ta find (thinks) doesn't he work for the Henderson's...see totally addicted to boy drama Marissa: like you don't have issues Summer: (smug) actually right now my love life is totally trauma free Marissa: so lunch went well with Zach an your dad Summer: amazing, none'a that manner Cohen chatter, or that incomprehensible Cohen mumbling, if Cohen is the virus Zach is the cure, he is the anti-Cohen Marissa: hmm (looks) (gasps) speak'a the devil (Zach walks up behind Summer) Summer: Cohen? Marissa: Zach Summer: right, great, better (turns around) hey Zach: hi (Summer hugs him) ooh (laughs) that's a firm hug Summer: (smiles) sorry ducky Zach: ...ducky? Summer: (to Marissa) we have nicknames (Marissa looks at Zach) Zach: we do? Summer: yesss Marissa: (smirks) ducky, that's-that's cute Summer: so anyways ducky, Marissa here is totally bumming out because she doesn't have anyone in her life as perfect as you Marissa: thanks, Sum (starts walking, Zach and Summer follow) Zach: well I know lots'a eligible bachelors, you want me to set you up Marissa: (laughs) oh no, that's ok, really, i'm fine CUT TO: Club (as its referred to in the ep guide) im assuming its like a country club - Caleb and Sandy are there together Caleb: y'know this is the start of a new era for us sandman, working together on the same side'a the law, over coming our differences, battling the odds Sandy: you're bringin a tear to my eye Cal, now let's talk about what we know at this point in the game Caleb: are you hungry, they do a delicious frittato here, you a frittato man Sandy: i'm fine now you 've ben funneling money every month to a trust, an the person who runs this trust happens to be an associate of the city councilman's office, the same city councilman that issues building permits to people who build lots of buildings (sits at the table, Caleb sits) people like you Caleb: I do build lots of buildings, i've done very well for myself, started off with nothing an still I strive for more never satisfied...what do they call that Sandy: greed, as you can see, on the face of it (shakes his head) this looks like bribery Caleb: what about a round of drunks huh, what'do you say huh Manhattans Sandy: its ten a.m, now focus, why did ya set up the trust Caleb: charity, tax benefits Sandy: right what about the woman who runs the trust... Renee Wheeler Caleb: I don't know her, your very grumpy today, I think its cause your hungry, frittato coming right up Sandy: the DA wants you to spend your twilight years in a five by nine cell, an all you can think about are frittatas Caleb: no one is going to jail, this thing won't even make it to court... (frowns) Phyllis Sandy: Phyllis? Caleb: yeah my-my old secretary she retired three years ago, she set up the trust Sandy: you couldnt'a told me this on the phone Caleb: then I wouldnt'a gotten to see you (Sandy looks at him in disbelief) lets get you that frittata, scuse me CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Lindsay are in class together. they are sitting at separate tables. Ryan turns and looks at Lindsay who is busy studying. Ryan turns back then gets up and walks over to her table and stands there Lindsay: you're lurking Ryan: right sorry um (crouches) look uh for all I know you have a boyfriend (Lindsay looks up from the book) (sighs) so there's no point in me even asking- Lindsay: I don't...um (Ryan looks at her) I don't have a boyfriend Ryan: (a little too happy) oh you don't Lindsay: yeah don't rub it in! Ryan: right well I was wondering if you...would maybe wanna (Lindsay raises her eyebrows) m-maybe an-an feel free to say no... go out on a date Lindsay: (raises her eyebrows) ok, sure Ryan: (suprised) yeah (smiles) uh great so you'll go out with Seth Lindsay: (thrown) w-what Ryan: you uh you'll go on a date with Seth Lindsay: yes uh Seth you...want me to go out with Seth...and I said yes sooo yes (nods) Ryan: great, great (softly) great, you sure? Lindsay: I am positive, ah tomorrow night (laughs) the sooner the better right Ryan: (laughs) right (they both stop smiling) Lindsay: uh thanks (Ryan looks down then walks away, Lindsay looks back at her book then looks up at Ryan who goes back to his seat and sits down. Ryan looks back over at Lindsay quickly) CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Kirsten is at her desk working and Julie walks in with a plant Julie: (cheery) look who has a new ficus Kirsten: uhhh I-I have a ton'a work to do if-if you could Julie: I figure now that i'm in charge I could introduce a little more life into this place (puts ficus down) y'know a ficus here an orchard there next thing you know we are- Kirsten: a rain forest, thanks for the plant but right now this company is one failed deal away from total ruin, which means I have'to ficus (correcting herself) u- focus Julie: ficus focus oh honey you are all over the place but no need to worry the boss is here, let me lighten your load (walks over to Kirsten) what're you reading Kirsten: (looks at Julie) ...budget projections for next year its-its very dense Julie: which you think I am, dense Kirsten: no I-Julie n-no...look the key to good leadership is delegation so why don't you delegate this kinda stuff to me so that your free ta- Julie: continue being stupid Kirsten: Julie...all i'm saying is that we have an extremely important presentation tomorrow Julie: yes, clearly I have alot of reading up to do so I can be ready for the presentation (picks up ficus) y'know running this company is about more then just plant life Kirsten, even you should know that (Julie leaves and Kirsten stares after her in disbelief) CUT TO: Henderson's garden - DJ is working and Marissa pulls up in her car. Marissa watches him for a few seconds then goes over to him Marissa: hey (DJ looks at her, then away) I saw your truck an I thought id stop by an say hi, how are you DJ: (indifferent) busy Marissa: right...well you can't be busy all weekend long, the Killers are playing tomorrow night an there really good DJ: so what, are we friends now Marissa: judging by this conversation (shrugs) probably not (DJ looks at her) but id really like to try...an be something DJ: and how does your boyfriend feel about that Marissa: he's not my boyfriend DJ: I guess that explains what you're doing here talking to me Marissa: ...when you an I (DJ looks at her) I didn't know Ryan was coming back DJ: (scoffs) i'm glad I could help you kill time until he did Marissa: you know that's not what it was (DJ looks away, Marissa turns to walk away then stops) Marissa: Bait shop tomorrow night, ill be there if you decide to stop by (Marissa walks away, DJ watches her for a few seconds then looks away) CUT TO: The Bait shop - Seth is pushing some sort of case across the floor, you can tell it's heavy. Ryan walks in on the top floor Ryan: hi Seth: hey, I think all this manual labors affecting my vibe, seem tougher to you(?) Ryan: (thinks) you don't want me to answer that (walks down the stairs) (Seth finishes pushing the case and his shoes slip and he sort of falls flat then gets up) Ryan: alright so guess what (points) you have a date tomorrow Seth: (suprised) I do, with who Ryan: Lindsay...the future Mrs. Seth Cohen Seth: nooo (shakes his head) man I said I wanted to marry her not date her ok (frowns) I didn't really think she would say yes this changes everything Ryan: well i'm not gettin you out of it Seth: well i'm not going...unless (points) you go with me, I will do that Ryan: what you want me to go with you on your date as what your chaperone Seth: no we'll double, ill set ya up Ryan: with all the single women you know (Seth makes a 'very funny' face at Ryan) Alex: Seth (comes in) there's a clogged toilet in the men's room that's got your name on it Seth: sweet Alex: (to Ryan) hey Ryan: hi (Alex walks away and Ryan looks at her, then turns back. Seth is looking in Alex's direction so Ryan looks again then looks back at Seth) Ryan: no Seth: yes! (makes a fist) Ryan: no Seth: yes! (makes a fist) Ryan: (softly) no way (frowns) there's no way she'd even go out with me anyway Seth: are you kidding me, her with the tattoo you with the wristband that's like the ultimate wrong side of the tracks love story, seriously you are the Sid to her Nancy, Kurt to her Courtney Fifty cent to her...Mrs. cent Ryan: no, i'm done dating I told you that Seth: Ryan kids our age don't even date any more they hang out in groups an then they peel off to hook up Ryan: you've never done that Seth: no I know but I read about it in (?) times magazine, my guess is that Alex loves the group hang CUT TO: Alex's office - Seth is in there with her talking about the double date Alex: group - hang, that's the lamest thing i've ever heard Seth: but...later we peel off an... Alex: an do what, go to chucky cheese, mini golf I swear mentally you are seven years old Seth: that was last year, this year i'm eight an three quarters Alex: anyways this is my night off why would I wanna spend it here...with you Seth: ill tell ya exactly why, look at me (Alex looks at him) i'm a youth in need ok (over dramatic) somebody stomped on my sandcastle and my ball rolled out into the middle'a the street an my kite is caught in a tree an I cant- Alex: I get it! Seth: an you know what else, my friend Ryan he's really cool ok he's very anti-establishment he enjoys uh sunset walks on the beach, punching people and not smiling Alex: an that's how you see me? Seth: yeah only with less smiling Alex: you're out of your mind Seth: well maybe I am Alex, maybe i'm like sooo far out of my mind that I'm in yours an I think I know what your thinkin right now, your thinking I cant wait to go, that's what your thinking maybe is it huh (tries to tickle Alex) is that what your thinking Alex: (gives in) ok ok ill go just to get you out Seth: stop freakin out its ok Alex: of my office (pushes Seth towards the door) Seth: I will hook you up its fine, look at your smiling I like, it's gonna be really fun Alex: (smiles) get out, get out Seth: alright (walks out then turns around) hey (points) tomorrow night at eight (Alex slams the door) Seth: (yells) it's gonna be awesome CUT TO: Newport group - Kirsten and a bunch of business people are in the board room having a meeting. Kirsten is sitting at the head of the table Kirsten: so while I can appreciate your apprehension, let me assure you that the dip in company earnings is only a temporary one (Julie comes in) Julie: good morning (Kirsten looks at her) so sorry i'm late (shakes everyone's hand) i'm glad you didn't wait for me, Julie Cooper Nichol CEO of the Newport group, hello Kirsten: Julie, I was just going over our investment pitch for Mr. Herbert's new mall development...feel free to jump in if you think i've missed anything Julie: don't be so modest Kirsten, ill jump in now. are there any questions I could answer Kirsten: Julie this isn't the Q an A portion- Mr. Herbert: well I do have a couple'a questions Mrs. Cooper Nichol (Julie smiles, Kirsten looks at Julie) our primary concern is how will Caleb Nichol's potential indightment affect the roll out of our development Julie: it won't, because we won't let it will we Mr. Herbert Kirsten: w-what I think Julie meant Mr. Herbert is that the success of the Newport group is not contingent on the ideas an opinions of any one person Julie: I think Mr. Herbert an I can take it from here Kiki (Kirsten looks at her) will you get me a copy of this document (slides it over to Kirsten) I need it on my desk toot suite(?) Kirsten: Julie, that's the lunch menu (Julie makes a 'shoo' motion to Kirsten) thankyou all for your time, scuse me (leaves) Julie: (sits where Kirsten was) so what's your next question Mr. Herbert: how do you explain the company's failure to hedge its portfolio against the rise of long term interest rates Julie: (blinks)...yes... CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Seth are walking down the stairs, outside Ryan: so Alex said yes to the date huh Seth: uh it's not a date ok it's a group hang with an eye towards peelin off with Ryan: Summer Seth: I don't know if id be cool with that quite yet Ryan: on your left Seth: (realises) oh, oh oh (we see Summer coming up behind them) Ryan: (whispers) don't mention the date Seth: right no sure take the high road uh-hm Summer: Cohen (touches Seth on the chest) Seth: Summer Summer: hey Ryan Ryan: hey Seth: (tries to keep quiet but cant) (yells) I have a date! Summer: (turns back) wow hey I hope you an Captain Oats have fun Seth: (scoffs) actually its with a girl (Summer laughs) (Marissa walks up behind Summer) Marissa: hey guys Ryan: (smiles) hey Summer: Coop, you just missed a mile stone here Cohen has a date with a real live human girl Marissa: oh well uh that's...great, I guess (looks at Summer) when Seth: uh tonight so you know don't wait up Summer: oh don't worry Zach (raises her eyebrows) an I 'll sleep just fine, thanks (walks off) Seth: (yells) good! cause ill sleep just fine tonight too...with (thinks) I would love to remember her name right there Ryan: high road huh Seth: (sighs) not my proudest moment (walks off) Marissa: so if Seth is abandoning you for his big date tonight then what're you gonna do Ryan: uh... Marissa: cause if you wanted to...do something Ryan: yeah well I um... Marissa: you have a date tonight too Ryan: no it's not a date it's more of a group (Marissa looks down)...hang um how're things with you an DJ Marissa: there...not um but I should probably get to you know, but have fun tonight on your date or hang (Marissa walks off and Ryan watches her leave) CUT TO: Jimmy's yacht - Jimmy is there and Julie comes on board Julie: hey Jimmy: hey, what're you doin here Julie: guess who brought you a lobster roll from the Crab Shack (holds it out) Jimmy: (takes it) my heroooo (Julie laughs) whoa my favourite sandwich, suprise pop in (holds his hands out as if to say 'what') Julie: yes its work Jimmy: (joking) don't tell me, you screwed up, power went straight to your head, you rocked the boat too hard Julie: (not impressed) you can stop (Jimmy takes a bite of his lunch) I have found it challenging, truth is being CEO...is a bitch Jimmy: hmm you think you'd be a natural Julie: I tried to google myself today an crashed the entire computer network then our most important investor ran out on his meeting with me an I don't blame him Jimmy: wow, I never heard you admit to having faults before this is-this is fun Julie: I was hoping you'd give me a confidence boost I suppose I don't have that coming Jimmy: sure you do, listen, you may not have Kirsten's experience or well let's face it any experience Julie: get to the boost Jimmy: but you are savvy ok an that goes a looong way in this business, hell if I had your instincts I-I never would'a lost a dime Julie: so you think this is fixable Jimmy: if there's one thing that your good at, its getting money from rich - old - men you just, you've gotta do it the Julie Cooper way (Julie frowns) you know I don't mean sleep with him right Julie: (laughs) you know what (smiles) I think you've just given me the confidence to execute plan B Jimmy: an you have given me a delightful - snack, I love this new era, we should've gotten divorced years ago Julie: (smiles) thankyou Jimmy CUT TO: the Bait shop - its now night, Ryan and Seth walk in and stand on the top floor looking down on everyone. Seth sees Lindsay below Seth: (looking down) oh hey there she is (points) (Lindsay is standing with her arms folded looking for Seth) awesome, hey why don't you go talk to her for like an hour or five an just key me up(?) Ryan: (looks at Seth) she's your date Seth: yeah, details, i'm gonna go find Alex (Seth walks off, Ryan watches him then the next shot we see is Ryan down stairs walking up to Lindsay) Ryan: (touches Lindsay's shoulder) hey Lindsay: what're you doing here...chaperoning? Ryan: I uh have a date...too Lindsay: so we're what (shrugs) doubling, is this one of those group hangs i've read about Ryan: uh, i'm not sure what this is (Ryan looks at Lindsay, Lindsay looks at Ryan for a second then looks down, Ryan looks to the side. neither look comfortable - Seth is on the top floor with Alex) Seth: look right there (points to Ryan) that's a very good looking human being Alex: he is cute Seth: I told you, but here's the thing though is he cuter then me cause I mean should I not have him sit at the same table as my date Alex: uh you're cute too (they are now walking down the stairs) Seth: really? but cuter then Ryan I mean I jus don't want him overwhelming me Alex: mm I don't think that's possible Seth: ah (enjoying it) you think i'm cute Alex: when you're not...talking (they walk over to Ryan and Lindsay) Seth: hey, (points) uh Ryan Alex, Alex Ryan (Ryan and Alex shake hands) Ryan: (points) uh Lindsay Seth, Seth Lindsay (Seth and Lindsay shake hands) Lindsay: how could I forget (they all stand there clearly uncomfortable, I also get the feeling that Lindsay and Alex don't like each other) Seth: (nods) well this should be great (nods) really great an not at all awkward (they all stand there silent. Ryan and Seth are opposite each other, and Lindsay and Alex are opposite each other) CUT TO: Cohen family room - well kind of. it's like half family room/half living room. currently there is just one chair which Sandy is sitting on, and a poof. Sandy is watching TV and eating some type of chips Sandy: yes your honor, yes (Kirsten walks passed) Kirsten: Sandy what're you doing Sandy: (points) i've got judge Hatchet on the Tivo, have you ever seen her, she does not take crap from anybody Kirsten: what's goin on Sandy: what'do you mean Kirsten: well your in your pyjamas, you have orange cheeto dust all over you (laughs) what has happened (sits next to Sandy) to my husband (dusts Sandy's shirt of the cheeto dust) Sandy: your father's case is as good as lost, he's ben givin me the complete run around, today he sent me to go meet with his former assistant Phyllis Kirsten: (frowns) Phyllis died last year Sandy: exactly, literally dead ends, that's the best lead he's given me yet Kirsten: Julie seems to be on the same seek an destroy mission as my dad, as long as she's running the company...I might as well- Sandy: give up Kirsten: mm Sandy: why don't we give up, oh give up with me honey y'know we could let the gruesome twosome destroy our careers or we could sit here an enjoy obscene amounts'a Dr Phil an destroy them ourselves Kirsten: Sandy Sandy: hmm Kirsten: if my dad is acting all weird, he's hiding something Sandy: (nods) I know Kirsten: which means it's your job to figure out what that is (door bell, Kirsten gets up to answer it, Sandy follows. Kirsten opens the door and Julie is standing there dressed up and once again cheery) Julie: now I know i'm not your favourite person right now but I have a way to make it up to you Sandy: this cant be good... Julie: let's have a party! Kirsten: uh sure Julie can we talk about this tomorrow Julie: sure we can (walks in) unfortunately the caterers are here right now (yells) come on in guys, this way Kirsten: (shocked) what's going on (caterers walk in with food, one after the other) Julie: well y'know here's the thing I knew that if I asked you in advance that you'd probably say no so I went ahead an I called Mr. Herbert an several other clients an invited them to a party Kirsten: at our house! Sandy: tonight? Julie: ah-huh yeah Caleb thought it was a great idea...he went to the club to meet someone for work (looks at Sandy in his PJ's) Sandy: (shakes the cheeto dust off) meet who Julie: who knows, well so much to do so little time hm (walks off) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see the Killers performing for a little bit then we go to Seth and Lindsay standing together Seth: so the Killers, awesome huh Lindsay: (bored) stellar observation and one you've made like eight times now Seth: alright (the camera pans to show Alex is standing next to Lindsay and Ryan is next to Alex) Alex: d-do you like live music Ryan: (bored) not really, an you? Alex: (looks at Ryan) it's...my passion (Seth leans forward to look at Ryan, Ryan leans forward to look at Seth and they both signal to walk away from the girls so they can talk) Seth: dude i'm dying here Ryan: yeah well my guess is, this secret conference isn't exactly helping Seth: well the good news is we already hit rock bottom (Ryan nods) although i've redefined rock bottom several times tonight Ryan: (looks up) I think we just hit a new low (Seth looks up to where Ryan is looking and we see that Summer and Marissa are standing together on the top floor, Zach walks up and stands next to Summer. we see Ryan smile and Seth with a shocked look on his face) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: the Bait Shop still - we see another song from the Killers then the next shot is Summer, Marissa and Zach now walking down stairs through the crowd Summer: Coop there is no way I was gonna let you stay home tonight Marissa: yeah I know I just wish I didn't have'to third wheel on your date Summer: what, ducky an I don't mind do we ducky Zach: yeah how much longer is this ducky thing gonna go on for Summer: oooh do you want a new nickname (Zach smiles) how about...Cohen (Summer stops and we see that she has seen Seth and Lindsay standing together. Lindsay looks bored or annoyed, i cant tell which. maybe both,lol) Zach: I think it's a little too soon to joke about that don't you think (Summer turns Zach's head towards Seth and Lindsay) Seth: (shocked) Summer!, oh my god hey (pulls Lindsay close to him) how are you (Lindsay doesnt look impressed) Summer: hey Cohen (cuddles up to Zach) Marissa: (smiles) Ryan Ryan: Marissa uh this is Lindsay (Seth touches Lindsay on the head and smiles) this is Alex (Alex nods to Marissa, Marissa looks at Alex, Alex nods then looks down. everyone is uncomfortable) Seth: this is Lindsay Summer: yeah ok well this um this is juuuuus- Seth: this is awesome Summer: it's awesome! (Seth nods, Summer cuddles up closer to Zach. Ryan and Alex stand there) Marissa: you know what maybe we should... Zach: go watch the band Seth: alright Ryan: yeah Marissa: see ya (they walk away) Seth: see ya (waves) (let's go of Lindsay) Lindsay: so i'm guessing we just met some ex-girlfriends Seth: (laughs) huh well Ryan an Marissa that's an epic tale right there, but Summer an I are equally as fascinating, she was my shorty last year but then she got served(Alex nudges Seth as if to say 'shut up') not that that's...particularly interesting... CUT TO: Cohen back yard - Julie's party is happening and Julie is talking with a group of businessmen, we then see Kirsten walk over to Jimmy who is standing at the bar Kirsten: Jimmy, thank god your here Jimmy: Julie invited me, she knows I...can't turn down free booze (takes drink from bar tender) Kirsten: either can she (looks over) look at her (Jimmy smiles) the giggling an touching... (we see Julie with her hand on a mans shoulder, the man is smiling as is Julie. Julie begins laughing then runs her hand from his shoulder, down past his butt, and pats twice) Kirsten: oh god she just grazed an ass (drinks) Jimmy: oh the not so subtle ass graze, yeah i've ben a victim of it myself (Kirsten looks at him) don't worry about it, she's shmoozing the crowd at a cock tail party Kirsten: (worried) this is our star clientele, dy'know how many years of wooing an cajoling it took to have a meeting with these people Jimmy: this is the woman who came from Riverside to become head Newpsie then landed Newport's biggest tycoon an took over his company, she knows what she's doin (Kirsten smiles and looks back over at Julie, Julie is still laughing and flirting with the men) CUT TO: The Bait shop - we see Summer and Zach sitting together, Summer is looking over at Seth and Lindsay. Summer doesn't look like she's enjoying herself. Seth says something to Lindsay which I think was 'judging, judging, judging Summer: ten bucks says Cohen is bending that poor girls ear about (Marissa looks at her, then drinks her drink) Superman or Batman or something man in a unitard (Zach looks at her, unimpressed) that she doesn't give a crap about, y'know what, I should stop him (Marissa looks at her) for her sake Marissa: (unconvinced) ah-huh, well that sounds like its coming from a really...generous place (Summer gives Marissa a 'what would you know' look) Zach: or we could just put the Cohen obsession on hold and watch the band Summer: (offended) I am not obsessing Zach: the seething, the staring, the analysing of his outfit, that's not obsessing? Summer: what? that shirt totally accentuates his bird arms Marissa: I think this is the part where I go to the bathroom... (Marissa gets up and we then see her making her way through the crowd, she stops and looks over at Ryan and Alex who are standing together. neither looks like they are enjoying themselves, Marissa keeps walking then Ryan looks over towards Seth and Lindsay at the bar. Lindsay looks over towards Ryan, and Alex notices. Ryan gives Lindsay a little nod) Seth: but I will admit that our break up, to the outside observer could seem sad but I don't know for me I feel like its given me this great - gift you know this new era an this whole new situation like her Zach, you an I think It works (Lindsay looks beyond bored, Ryan is still watching them, Alex is watching Ryan watch Lindsay, Ryan looks towards Alex and Alex looks back at the concert) CUT TO: Outside the club - we see Caleb standing at a silver car talking to a red headed lady, a car then pulls up blocking our view of Caleb and the woman, and we see that Sandy is in the car, he looks over towards Caleb and we see him pulling something out of his inside jacket pocket. it's like a thick envelope. Caleb hands it to the woman and she puts it in her bag, she gets into her car and Caleb walks away. Sandy watches the woman drive away, and we see the number plate of her car is 1491 PCE (sound familiar? ) Sandy looks at his watch, we then go to Caleb drinking inside the club. Sandy walks in to join him Sandy: ah drinkin alone, that's never a good sign Caleb: what the hell are you doing here Sandy: well I tried to talk ta Phyllis earlier but (sits) I left my ouji board at home...no more games Cal...who was that woman I saw leave this place Caleb: ...you trailed me here?...spied on me! Sandy: no actually I got lucky, I showed up just as she was leaving Caleb: she was uh- she's a-...an old friend Sandy: (not buying it) come on, you built a fortune on lies you can do better then that (Caleb drinks) my guess, that was Renee Wheeler Caleb: I told you (looks at Sandy) I don't know her Sandy: alright well then that was somebody drivin Renee Wheelers car I called her license plate number into a friend'a mine at the police station Caleb: well played Magnum P.I (stands) stay away from her (begins to leave) Sandy: ill only ask you this once Cal (Caleb stops) are ya havin an affair Caleb: we're in much deeper water then that believe me, if I were you, id leave it alone Sandy: an what if I don't Caleb: well, we could lose everything, so before you go... (Sandy is listening) probing around inta my affairs...think long an hard...is it worth it to you (Sandy looks at Caleb, Caleb leaves and Sandy sits there thinking) CUT TO: The Bait shop - the concert is over and everyone is clapping. we see Ryan and Alex standing together on the top level, Ryan looks down to the bottom floor and Alex does the same, we see Seth and Lindsay sitting directly below them Seth: shes like four too, her over there (points) me over here, me over her over here so the four of us hanging out over each other but hanging out together (Lindsay gets up) (follows) I mean apart but-but in the same place although different places mentally I think Lindsay: (laughs) oh my god there is something wrong with you Seth: (shakes his head) no that's the best part, i'm totally fine not talking to her, I have nothing to say to her (Lindsay looks at him with a 'please' look) except the only thing that I would say if I said something to her an I don't care at all if I do is that i'm fine - not talking to her (nods) maybe I should tell her that Lindsay: (encouraging him) well you...better hurry (Lindsay turns him around) cause there leaving (we see Zach, Marissa and Summer starting to go up the stairs) Seth: ill be right back (we see Zach and Summer on the top level, Marissa comes up the stairs behind them and stops, we see what she sees which is DJ with his friends. he sees her, she smiles and walks over to him) Marissa: hey, you came DJ: (indifferent) my friends got tickets, they had an extra Marissa: right... (Marissa looks at DJ, DJ looks at her but it's not a warm or friendly look) Marissa: ...ill see you around (touches DJ's shoulder and walks away) (DJ watches her walk away - we then go to Alex and Ryan talking) Alex: maybe you should tell her Ryan: tell who what? Alex: Lindsay, that you like her (nods) (Ryan doesn't say anything, he looks down to where Lindsay is standing by herself) Alex: i'm not offended it's ok, it's a group hang and um, listen no offense here but...i'm not really feelin the spark Ryan: wow (smiles) an honest conversation with a girl, this is new for me (Alex looks at him as if to say 'well') i'm gone, thanks (Alex waves, and Ryan walks away) CUT TO: Outside the Bait shop - Summer and Zach are walking away from the building Summer: I was not talking about Cohen the entire night Zach: (fed up) it sure felt like it Summer: well- what you wanna go somewhere else Zach: maybe you should go home and log onto some kind of Cohen chat room, ok i've had enough (Summer has her mouth open in shock) (Seth comes up to them) Seth: Summer hey, what're you doin Zach: oh look (pointed) it's Seth Summer: (to Seth) we're going home! Seth: ok, can I talk to you for like one minute. Zach i'm really sorry Zach: ok i'm gonna go jump off the pier! (walks off) Summer: Zach wait! (follows Zach) Seth: (follows Summer) listen I jus wanna tell you I don't wanna talk ok i'm fine with this, you an him me an her, Zach sure is a fast walker Summer: (frustrated) look Cohen jus stop trailing us alright! Seth: i'm not tr- Summer: Zach will you wait please (Zach stops and turns around) Seth: I just I- Summer: just - beat it (to Zach) ducky! please! (Seth stands there with his mouth open, Summer goes over to Zach) Summer: (sad voice) please (takes Zach's hand) (Seth looks away, then looks back in disbelief) Zach: you promise to stop calling me ducky Summer: I can't make any promises (they walk off together holding hands. Seth watches then turns around) CUT TO: Inside the Bait shop - it is pretty much deserted now. Ryan is standing at the bar alone, Lindsay walks in, also alone Ryan: hi (Lindsay sees Ryan and walks away) whoa (follows) where're you goin, can I give you a lift or something Lindsay: (arms folded) I couldn't possibly ask any more of you, nor can I thank you enough for what was truly one'a the worst evenings of my life (they are now at the stairs) Ryan: I know Seth's not ready ta date yet it was-it was a bad idea Lindsay: yeah, it was a colossally bad idea, epically bad (nods) the invasion of Iraq is looking pretty good in comparison Ryan: ok (Lindsay starts going up the stairs) (follows) your right but let me talk to you for a second Lindsay: no Ryan, ya can't, i've listened to enough talk for one night ok, see you at school (Lindsay goes up the stairs, Ryan watches) CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Julie is standing with Mr. Herbert and Kirsten walks passed, Julie grabs her Julie: oo Kiki c'mere (grabs Kirsten's arm) you'll never believe this, Stevens daughter has a pony to she boards at the same stable as China (Steven smiles) Kirsten: (smiles) what a coincidence Julie: how cute is that little riding park, aww, an at Christmas when they string all the lights through the trees Steven: yes! my daughter an her Shetland spend...all there Saturdays there (laughs) Kirsten: (laughs) uh Steven, about the meeting I-I wanted to apologise- Julie: you know Kirsten is the one who renovated the stable an the park (Kirsten looks at her) then sold it back to the original owners at twice the cost, preservation an profit that's your motta right Kirsten (smiles) Kirsten: well that's every developers dream (smiles at Steven) Julie: funny mines Jude Law in a zebra skin rug (they all laugh) Kirsten: uh Steven your drinks looking a little empty, can I get you another Steven: only if you two join me Julie: oo be careful Steven, Kirsten here's got a bit of a hollow leg (Kirsten laughs) Steven: what're you drinkin Kirsten: uh champagne Julie: make it two Steven: done Kirsten: thankyou Julie: see, i'm not totally useless Kirsten: I never said- Julie: apology accepted, i'm gonna go get Mr. Herbert's contract outta my purse you make sure he gets another whiskey sour (Kirsten smiles and laughs) CUT TO: Outside the Bait shop - Ryan comes out, and goes over to Seth Seth: hey Ryan: hey Seth: how was your night Ryan: not good, you Seth: (breathes out) worse, you didn't like Alex Ryan: eh, you an Lindsay Seth: uhhh...(shakes his head) not even close, what're you gonna do now Ryan: actually I wassss gonna go an... Seth: (raises his eyebrows) oh, go for it Ryan: yeah? Seth: yes! Ryan: what're you gonna do Seth: (shrugs) I don't know I was gonna maybe (points towards the Bait shop) Ryan: good idea Seth: alright Ryan: alright, see ya (Seth heads towards the Bait shop and Ryan walks away from it) CUT TO: Alex's office - she is in there with one of the band members Alex: (counting money) great - show I hope you guys come back soon (hands over money) (Seth is standing in the doorway. The member walks out and Alex sits down) Seth: so (sighs) to re cap I got disco'd by two girls in one night and unfortunately that's jus (shakes his head) not the first time that's happened Alex: actually, i'm not suprised Seth: thankyou, keep twistin the knife i'm not in enough pain Alex: oh your the one who's hurting not Summer or Lindsay Seth: yeah well...at least everybody's miserable right, anyways uhhh i'm sorry about the whole...group hang or whatever that was (waves) kay (leaves) (Alex sits there thinking, then gets up and walks out to Seth) Alex: hard to believe all those girls running out on you Seth: don't make me try an feel better Alex: what with you being sooo bratty an immature Seth: oh good, you weren't Alex: (walks over to Seth slowly) and even...sometimesss...a little...charming (Alex is now opposite Seth) Alex: especially when you're not... talking about Summer Seth: (cringes) I know I just- Alex: and knowing is half the battle soooo perhaps there's a little hope for you yet Seth: (sighs) you wanna go an maybe get an ice cream or somethin Alex: ice cream as a night cap Seth: yeah Alex: (smiles) you really are eight Seth: and three quarters (Alex walks around so she's in front of Seth and kisses him. she stops and smiles) Alex: let's go, ill buy but um...no more then two scoops (Alex walks up the stairs) Seth: (smiles) alright (Seth follows Alex) CUT TO: DJ driving in his truck, he stops and looks over to see Marissa's car parked by itself. he thinks for a second then continues driving. he parks his truck next to Marissa's car and gets outs. we then go to Marissa standing by herself at the life guard tower looking lonely (the same one where Ryan told her he was leaving, and where she rang him but didn't say anything) In the background we see DJ walking up the ramp towards her DJ: (smiles) keeping watch Marissa: (smiles) what're you doing here DJ: I was headed to your house, I thought id suprise you Marissa: so this means... (DJ leans forward and kisses her. they both smile) DJ: i'm not sure exactly, except...I guess I better prepare myself for some drama huh Marissa: (laughs/smiles) you have no idea (they both smile and DJ kisses her again. the camera pans towards the waves) CUT TO: Lindsay standing at a bus stop - Ryan pulls up in the car Ryan: hi (Lindsay doesn't say anything) you want a lift Lindsay: no thanks...the...bus 'll be here soon (Ryan drives passed then stops and gets out) Lindsay: ok did you...not understand the part about me takin the bus Ryan: alright hold on Lindsay: ugh don't, it's my fault, I knew it was gonna be a disaster with Seth Ryan: then why'd ya say yes Lindsay: cause I thought you were asking me out (Ryan looks at her) didn't mean to say that out loud... Ryan: uh what Lindsay: I thought...that I was saying yes to you (raises her eyebrows and shrugs) where is that stupid bus Ryan: you did, cause I...I mean you think i'm an idiot [SCENE_BREAK] Lindsay: yeah well I guess that's the twist cause...it turns out i'm the idiot Ryan: ...no, no your not I um...when I asked you out that day for Seth (Lindsay is listening) I uh...well I uh... Lindsay: keep talking Ryan Ryan: ...I wanted it to be me, I did I just...didn't think in a million years you'd say yes (looks down) Lindsay: ...then i've ben right all along...you are an idiot Ryan: an idiot you'd go out with some time... Lindsay: it's possible (they both smile) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is sitting on the bed and Sandy walks in Sandy: ahhh party's over Kirsten: oh finally, I literally had to push Steven Herbert out the door Sandy: deals back on? Kirsten: he re signed his contracts, hopefully he'll remember that in the morning Sandy: Julie Cooper, definitely understands a weakness of man Kirsten: you were gone for a while Sandy: well I was drivin around, thinkin how I find myself again...in a very familiar triangle (sits on the bed) Kirsten: what triangle is that Sandy: you, me...your dad Kirsten: ...he's guilty isn't he... Sandy: he's guilty'a somethin...somethin he thinks we're better off not knowin Kirsten: well you've never ben one to shy away from the truth Sandy: I could start now...a man can make a nice life outta cheetos (smiles) Dr Phil Kirsten: (smiles) not the man I love (they kiss, they look at each other and kiss again) CUT TO: Summer's bedroom - Zach is sitting on her floor looking at The Valley season DVD set. he looks up at Summer who has put a DVD in. they both smile. she goes and sits next to Zach on the floor and Zach puts his arm around her. she presses play and cuddles up to his chest. Summer looks up at Zach and smiles ~ we then fade to the lifeguard tower - DJ and Marissa are sitting on the floor together, DJ has Marissa wrapped in his arms and they both have their eyes closed. Marissa opens her eyes and looks almost happy, definitely content, aww. the camera pans then we see them closer up. Marissa has her head leaning back on DJ's shoulder. DJ looks happy ~ we then fade to an ice cream cart on the pier - Alex and Seth are there together, they are both walking, and eating ice cream cones. they look at each other and smile - we then fade to the bus stop - Ryan and Lindsay are sitting next to each other on the seat. we fade to a close up of them, both are smiling/laughing and talking. happy - awww - fade out
doc_290	With adjustments by: Shay Fitzpatrick [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3.] Phoebe: Oh, I cannot believe this heat wave. It's 2 a.m. How can it be so hot when there's no sun. Piper: Tell me about it. (Phoebe gets an ice cube and rubs it it on her neck.) The Cranberries are playing an animal right benefit here on Saturday and it's gonna be a million degrees in here. (Piper notices Phoebe with the ice.) Uh, Phoebe... you keep making like you're on red shoes diaries and I'm gonna have to bust out a can of man repellent. (Two guys are staring at Phoebe.) All right, people, move a long. Nothing to see here. Goodness. Am I going to have to hose you down? Phoebe: I can't help it. It's not my fault. I'm in a highly excited state right now. Not that I'd mind being hosed down with water. I feel like I'm on fire. Feel my forehead. (Piper touches Phoebe's forehead.) Piper: Phoebe, you're burning up. Phoebe: I know, tell me about it. (Piper gets a wet towel.) Something's happening to me, Piper. Something really freaky. Piper: Sweetie, Uh, I think you need to call a Doctor. Phoebe: But I... I... I don't feel sick. (Piper hands the towel to Phoebe.) I just... I feel... I feel... hot, aroused. Uh... I've been having this dream, Piper. This... sx dream. It's not like I haven't dreamt about sx before, because I have, you know. But this... this is different. This feel real. Swank penthouse love den, candles, satin sheets... Piper: Okey-Dokey. I get the point. Phoebe: But every night it's with a different man... telling me that I'm irresistible and then we... lets just say we could win the golden medal in the hugh hefner Olympics. Piper: And this is a bad thing? Piper: No. It's a good thing. It's... it's a very good thing. Until I kill them. Piper: That's how your dream ends? You kill the guy? Phoebe: Each and every night, Piper. I told you, something is wrong with me. Piper: There's nothing wrong with you. It's a dream. A metaphor for a extreme sexual frustration. Trust me, I should know. (Prue comes in.) Prue: Oh, good. We're decoding men. Piper: Prue, what are you doing here? Prue: I can tell you what I'm not doing. I'm not lighting candles. I'm not getting a back rub and I'm not running a hot bubble bath for two. Phoebe: Hmm. Things didn't go well with Alan? Prue: Well, see, that's the thing. I'm not really sure. I mean, third date, hot night, romantic dinner, and then he drops me off with barely even a kiss good night. I'm a little confuse. Piper: Well, that's not necessarily an officially rejection. I mean, when they say "I'll call you" that's the kiss of death. Maybe he just got nervous. Prue: Yeah or maybe he's just not interested. I mean, I gave out all the signals for him to move forward and he ran away. Men don't just run away when you give them all the signals, right? So, what gives? Phoebe: Okay. That's enough talk about men for me! I need to go home and take a long, cold shower and have a good night's sleep. I hope. Piper: Sweet dreams. Don't kill anyone (to Prue) Don't ask. (Phoebe leaves.) [Scene: Manor. Phoebe's bedroom. Phoebe's asleep. We see her dream. We can see a guy laying on the bed.] Guy: I can't believe we're doing this. You've gotta be the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. Either I'm dreaming or I'm falling in love. Oh, man, I'm definitely falling in love. Where have you been my entire life. You're irresistible. (As he says that, the woman's tongue goes down the man's mouth. Phoebe awakes and she screams.) Opening Credits [Scene: Bucklands. Prue walks in her office. She gets a little mirror out of her purse and checks her hair and make-up. She walks back outside and looks at an auction item. She sees Alan.] Prue: Ooh, Alan, hi! Alan: Hi. Man, it's hot, huh? Bad day for the a/c to be on the fritz. Prue: Yeah, bad day. Uh, listen, Alan. Alan: Hey, Davis, can you hold the elevator, please? Thanks. Sorry, I'm late for meeting. Prue: Okay, uh, Alan, just out of curiosity. Did something happen on our date last night to upset you... or something? Alan: Upset? No, no, not at all. Actually, I had a great time. We should do it again. I'll call you. (He leaves.) Prue: The kiss of death. (Morris comes in.) Morris: Speaking of deadly kisses, I need to speak to you, Prue. Prue: Sure, Darryl. Morris: Everything okay? Prue: You know, you're a guy. Maybe you can explain this to me. Why is it that one moment guys are sending out all these signals and then, the next, they just turn them off like a switch? What do you men want anyway? (They stand outside Prue's office.) Well, it's nice to see that while romance may be dead, chivalry isn't. So, what's up, Morris? Morris: Four men have been killed over the last four nights ever since this heat wave started. I think the murders are gonna continue but I don't have any suspects. Prue: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Morris: Look. You and I have got this game we play, right? You know that I know you've got a secret. You also know I don't wanna know what it is. But if any way it can help stop this ... (He shows her the pictures of the victims.) Prue: Oh my god. What happened to them? Morris: Severe cerebral trauma. Although the medical examiner can't figure out exactly how. He also can't figure out how of the men were drained of all their testosterone. That's not something you find everyday. I need help on this one, Prue. The kind of help I think only you can provide. Prue: Do the victims have anything else in common? Morris: They were each members of a dating service called "Fine Romance". I've already got the place staked out. But they've got too many clients for me to watch and too many potential and too many potential suspects for me to track. If the pattern continues, somebody's gonna die tonight. I know it and I can't stop it. Prue: I'll see what I can do. Morris: I don't want you to get hurt. Find out what you can, slip it to me. The brass is watching me on this one. This can't turn out to be another unexplained case. [Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe's lying on the couch with the fan going. Piper brings Phoebe some juice.] Phoebe: I'm telling you, Piper. Last night's dream was no dream. Or premonition even. It was real. I felt it. I was so turned on and then.. and then... I killed him. (she drinks the juice) Piper: Phoebe, you didn't kill anyone. Phoebe: I could feel his body shake uncontrollably beneath mine. Piper: And now you're making me sick. Phoebe: How do you think I feel? I'm living it. I can still taste his blood. (Piper puts the thermometer in Phoebe's mouth.) Piper: Okay! (Prue walks in.) Prue: Is anybody home? Piper: In here. It's not lunch yet. What are you doing home? Prue: Morris came to visit (She sees Phoebe with the thermometer). Pheebs, are you ok? Phoebe: I'm so hot. (Prue touches her forehead.) 100.5 degrees hot. Piper: But she won't go see a Doctor. What did, uh, Morris want? Prue: Help. (She hands Piper the files with the victims' pictures.) Piper: Oh. (Phoebe recognizes the men in her dreams.) Phoebe: Oh my God. It's the guys. All of them. Piper: Phoebe, you were dreaming. Phoebe: Of each and every one of the victims? I don't think so. I could see them through my own eyes. Feel every touch, smell every smell. Prue: How long have you had this feeling? Phoebe: The last four nights. Prue: Since the murders began. Phoebe: Coincidence? I think not. Piper: Well, maybe your powers are growing. Maybe you can get premonitions in your sleep now. Prue: Or maybe you're just psychically linked to the demon on its wavelength or something. Phoebe: Or maybe I'm the killer. Come on you guys. It's not like there's no precedent. Piper turned into a werewolf once, remember? Piper: A Wendigo. Phoebe: Whatever. Prue: Look, if you are psychically connected, maybe you can go to the dating service, touch some of the tapes of the potential suspects, see if you can get a psychic flash. Piper: It's worth to shot. Then I'll stay here and see if I can find anything in the Book of Shadows Phoebe: I'm sorry. Wait a minute. I tell you that maybe I'm some kind of man-killing demon and you want me to go to the bachelor central? Prue: Phoebe, we have to do something. Otherwise someone else is going to die tonight. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside Fine Romance. Morris and his partner, Smith, are watching some suspects in the car. They see Prue and Phoebe and Smith starts taking photos of them.] Smith: Oh, man. Look the racks on those babes, huh? Morris: Just do your job, Smith, okay? Smith: I am doing my job, Morris. I'm taking pictures of potential suspects. And if you ask me, those two suspects got a lot of potential. [Cut to inside Fine Romance.] Darla: Hi, welcome to Fine Romance. I'm Darla. How can I help you? Phoebe: My sister Prue would like to sign up. Prue: I would? Phoebe: Yes you would while I look around. Prue: Right. (Phoebe walks away from her.) Darla: Well, Prue, today is your lucky day. Because we are running a special. One year, unlimited access to our internet and video library, with a money-back guarantee, for only $3,500. Prue: 3,500 bucks? Okay, I could buy a man for that. Darla: Oh, I can always tell the frustrated ones. You've been having man troubles lately, haven't you? [Cut to Phoebe. She bumps into a guy.] Phoebe: Oh... oh. Owen: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Phoebe: I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't see you. Owen: Oh.. it's not a problem... it's not a problem at all. Phoebe: Uh... uh... do you work here? Owen: No, actually I just, uh, I just signed up. (She laughs.) Phoebe: Really? Owen: Yeah. Phoebe: I mean, it's just that... you don't seem like the type that needs help finding date. Owen: Ditto. Oh, um, I'm Owen. Owen Grant. Phoebe: Phoebe . (As she touches his hand, she gets a premonition of him been killed.) Phoebe: Uh, uh... I have to... I have to go. Okay, I'm sorry. Excuse me. Owen: But, Phoebe. Phoebe: Sorry. [Cut back to Prue.] Darla: Congratulations, Prue. Your days of having trouble with men are over. See you at tonight's mixer? Prue: Okay, you know, for your information, I do not have man troubles. Financial ones, now, yes. But definitely not man troubles. (Phoebe comes in.) Phoebe: We're out of here. Prue: She... you. Phoebe: Okay.. it's okay... it's all right. Prue: I don't. Honestly. (to Phoebe) Tell her. Phoebe: She doesn't. (They leave.) [Scene: Manor. Piper is watching Dan washing his car through the window. Prue and Phoebe walk inside.] Prue: Piper? Piper: You're back. Phoebe: Did you find anything in the Book? Piper: The book? Prue: Or were you too busy looking at something else? Piper: Uh, I was looking. You should see what I found. (Prue and Phoebe look out the window.) Prue: Oh, I see what you found, all right. Great tan, nice body. Piper: (reading the Book of Shadows) "When a witch renounces all human emotions and makes a pact with darkness to protect herself from heartbreak, she becomes a Succubus... a sexual predator." Phoebe: Let me see that (reading the book) "She seeks out powerful men who become helpless against her magic, then feeds on their testosterone with her razor-sharp tongue." So, this monster is an evil sexually-charged witch? Prue: Yeah, but it's not you, Phoebe. Because you didn't make a pact with Darkness, right? Piper: And as far as we know, you don't have a razor-sharp tongue. Here's a spell to attract the Succubus and destroy it with fire. Phoebe: (reading the book) "A flaming death for yours truly"? I don't think so. Prue: Well, we have to catch this thing, right? So, what if I cast a spell to attract it and if it turns out to be you who's attracted to me, then Piper will freeze the room and we'll go from there. Fair enough? [Cut to the attic. Drawn on the floor with chalk is the symbol for male. There's lit candles around it and Prue's sitting inside with the Book Of Shadows.] Prue: "By the forces of heaven and hell, draw to us this woman fell, rend from her foul desire, that she may perish as a moth of fire". (Fire burns around Piper.) Piper: See? I knew it wasn't you. Phoebe: I didn't burn. I'm okay. Prue: (with a man's voice) I'm not. (They turn and see Prue as a man.) Phoebe, Piper: Oh! Oh my God. Piper: I don't believe it. Prue: We have a new problem. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Outside Prue's bedroom.] Piper: Prue, please come out. Prue: Not until you reverse this spell. Phoebe: Come on. It's been over an hour already. (to Piper) Do you think she's touching herself? Piper: The book doesn't say anything about a reversal. Maybe you're supposed to stay a man until you attract the Succubus. Prue: Well, I'm not going anywhere. Phoebe: See? Piper: Shh... (to Prue) You don't really have a choice. I'm thinking we need to get you to the dating service since that's where the Succubus picks her victims. Phoebe: That's actually a really good idea. She could... he can sign up like the rest of the guys. Prue: Hey, I'm not signing up for anything. Piper: Lives are at stake, Prue. Innocent men are going to die... we're your sisters, Prue. You don't have to be embarrassed. We're not gonna laugh. (She/he opens the door.) Prue: How can I save anyone? Okay, I look ridiculous. I'm wearing clothes from the ex-boyfriend's pile. (Phoebe starts to laugh.) I have hair in strange places and I have pen1s. (to Phoebe) This is not funny. (She/he closes the door again.) Piper: What's matter with you? Phoebe: I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. Piper: Prue, you don't have actually to date anyone. All you have to do is make yourself seen and available. Phoebe: You know, Prue, the sooner you trap the Succubus, the sooner you'll become a woman again. (She opens the door.) Prue: It's easier said than done. [Cut to downstairs.] Piper: Okay, confidence. The walk, the talk, the handshake. It's all about confidence. Phoebe: Sports. Men like sports. Piper: And sincerity... that's the key. Phoebe: But what really makes a man is the clothes he wears, the car he drives and the money he earns... according to Cosmo. Prue: Okay, helping, you're supposed to be helping. Phoebe: Okay. Let's work on your walk. Piper: All you have to do is visualize a man that you admire and then you emulate him. You know, the walk will follow. Prue: A man that I admire... all right... I got that. Piper: Okay. (She/he walks and then does a girlie turn at the end.) Piper: The man you admire is Richard Simmons? (Piper and Phoebe laugh. Doorbell rings.) Phoebe: Okay, I'll get Morris' files. Try to put together a list of attributes the Succubus is attracted to. You two get the door. Prue: What? Phoebe: Well, think of it as a practice run for the dating service. Oh, oh... I know. Tom Hanks... everybody loves Tom Hanks. Think of him. Prue: Tom Hanks. Phoebe: Everybody loves him. (Prue and Piper answer the door.) Piper: Dan. Dan: Hi, I didn't mean to interrupt but my freezer broke and I wanted to see if I could get some ice from you... guys. Piper: Uh, oh, Dan, this is... this is... this is Manny. Manny Hanks. He's my... uh... he's my friend. Dan: Well, it's nice to meet you. (Dan shakes Prue's hand.) Phoebe: (screaming from the kitchen) Piper, come in here, quick. Piper: Okay, coming. I'll be right back with that ice. Prue: (to Piper) Oh, wait, no. Piper: (whispering to Prue/Manny) He's a good man. (Piper goes to the kitchen.) Dan: Have we met before? You look familiar. Prue: Hmm. Dan: So, have you known the sisters long? Prue: I'm, uh, the brother they never had. [Cut to the kitchen.] Piper: What happened? Phoebe: Oh, I just... I had one of those hot flashes, the Succubus visions. Piper, I think I really am psychically connected to that thing. I see what she sees, feel what she feels. I felt excited. Piper: Excited happy or excited aroused? Phoebe: Piper, she's in heat, okay. And so am I. Piper: Well, that explains why you are burning up. Your libido must be connected to the succubus' Phoebe: Yeah, it's like I have no control over. (She gets a new flash.) Phoebe: It just happened again. I saw egg sacs. Oh my God. I think she's pregnant or ready to hatch. Piper: You mean, there's gonna be a whole brood of them killing men? Phoebe: Unless we stop her, I think that's exactly her plan. [Cut back to the foyer.] Dan: So, Piper isn't seeing anyone? (Prue tries to copy Dan's moves.) Prue: No, not really. Dan: So Piper is seeing someone? Manny/Prue: No, not really...God. I would just hate to see her with a guy who, oh, lets say on the third date just runs away. Don't you just hate men like that? Dan: I don't know any men like that. Manny/Prue: Oh... ha... How about those "niners"? (Piper and Phoebe walks in) Piper: Ok, here's your ice. Dan: Thanks. Phoebe: Oh, you're welcome. Ok, bye bye. Take care. Tell Jenny we said "hi", ok? All right, good. (He leaves) Piper: So? Manny/Prue: We're in big problems... huge. [Scene: Fine Romance. Video area. Prue/Manny is doing her videotape.] Manny/Prue: You know, I think that it's the smaller things that I look for in a relationship, you know, like... listen to your partner, kindness, respect, I mean, as far as I'm concerned there's nothing sexier, nothing hotter than someone who respects him... herself, because, you know, if she respects herself, then she respects others. Jan: Can I just say that you are really in touch with your feminine side. Manny/Prue: You have no idea [Fine romance. Reception desk.] Phoebe: His name is Owen. He signed up earlier today. Darla: Hm. Dr. Owen Grant. Phoebe: Doctor? Hmm.. yeah. I guess that's him. Do you have any way I could get in touch with him? It's really important. Darla: Well, you could join for $3,500 and view his tape Phoebe: Hmm... huh! Piper? Piper: Hmm? Hmm! (Piper freezes the room. Phoebe gets Dr. Owen's file. Then she sees Dan's files.) Phoebe: I do not believe it. Piper: What? Phoebe: Looks like neighbor Dan signed up, too... interested? (Piper smiles. Phoebe hands her Dan's file.) Phoebe: Let's go. (They leave) [Outside Fine Romance.] Smith: Boy, a guy could do some serious damage in there, you know? Just drop all the pretense and go all caveman. Morris: You're really something, you know that, Smith? Smith: I know it. That's what ladies tell me... Man, it's boiling. Morris: Yes, it is. Smith: I think I'll do a little investigating inside. Morris: Oh, Whoa! No. You're not going anywhere. Smith: Come on. It's a mixer, right? I want to go inside and mix it up. [Inside Fine Romance.] Phoebe: Do you think the Succubus already got the Owen? I mean, what if we're too late? (Piper is looking at Dan's file) Piper: You would have had a psychic flash if we were and since you haven't, we're not. Phoebe: Oh, there he is... hey, you know... maybe I should take him back to the manor to keep him safe. Piper: You and him? At the Manor? Alone? Phoebe: Well, I'm just gonna talk to him Piper: Well, we can just talk to him here. I'm gonna go back to the video area and, uh, check up on Prue. Phoebe: Uh, huh... don't forget Dan's tape. (Piper grabs Dan's tape and leaves.) Hi Owen: Hi [Video area.] Prue: So, what are you saying is my video will now be available to all of your clients. So what with internet acess, I should be able to meet women as soon as when? Jan: Mr. Hanks. Something tells me that you could be dating as soon as tomorrow. This is one great tape. [Scene: Later. Video area.] (Piper is watching Dan's tape.) Dan: I'm sorry.. I.. I.. I just... I can't do this. Jan: Oh, come on. Your sister paid for this, Mr. Gordon. You can do it. Dan: Oh.. this just isn't me. Jan: Give it a try. Just speak from your heart. What are you looking for in a woman? Dan: What do I look for? I don't know. I'm an old-fashioned, I guess. I look for the girl-next-door. Someone with a good heart, good personality, and looks to match. The kind of girl that... when I leave for work in the morning... I wait just... a little bit... till she leaves for work too. Just to catch a glimpse of that long dark hair, that great smile, hoping that maybe, one day... she'll notice that I'm watching her. Then she'll smile back at me. (Piper just smiles.) [Scene: Mixer.] Owen: Do you, huh, do you wanna get out of here and take a walk or something Phoebe: Uh, I...I...I... would... I would love to. Really. But... but I can't Owen: You can't. Why? Phoebe: Uh, it's it's hard, I mean, to explain, you know? Is it really hot in here? Owen: You know what? I'm gonna get you something to drink. I'll be right back Phoebe: Ok (She gets a new flash) Phoebe: Oh, no... she's here... Piper! Owen: Hey, what's going on? Are you ok? Phoebe: Yeah. We need to get you out of here, fast. Okay? Follow me. Uh, if you could just stand here for a minute and just stay in my sight, ok? Owen: Okay. Phoebe: Uh (Piper) She's here. I felt her. Piper: What? Where is she? Phoebe: I don't know but she's in the room, somewhere. She could be after Owen. Piper: Well, then get him out of here. Fast! Phoebe: Ok. (Smith grabs Phoebe's wrist) Smith: Oh, where are you going, honey? Phoebe: Excuse me. Smith: I'd like to have a little talk with you... in private. (She gets a new flash) Morris: What the hell's the matter with you, Smith? Let her go. Phoebe: Manny, it's Owen... take him out. Fast (Manny/Prue punches Owen) Piper: What are you doing? Your... Your powers Smith: Hey hey, that's enough, all right. You're under arrest (Manny/Prue punches him too) Morris: That's it. You're under arrest, pal. Get up and cuff the other, Smith. Piper: This is... this is bad. This is really bad. (Phoebe gets a flash.) Phoebe: It's getting worse. Piper: Huh? Phoebe: The Succubus isn't attract to Owen, anymore. She's attracted to Prue. Piper: Perfect. [Scene: Police station.] Morris: Wanna me to release him? Your friend punched a cop. Phoebe: Four men have died in last four nights, but none so far tonight. Why do you think that is? Piper: Because of Manny, that's why. Phoebe: And if he stays in jail, another innocent man might get killed. Morris: I suppose you want me to release this, uh... this Dr. Owen Grant, too, huh? Phoebe: Uh, no, actually. He's still a potential victim. As long as he's here, he's safe. You can't let him out. Morris: This is going to bite me in the ass. I know it is. [Scene: Next morning. Manor.] Manny/Prue: You know, I'm surprised we men ever get anything done, you know. All I seem to think about is sx. It's like it's nonstop. Really debilitating. (Phoebe is with the thermometer in her mouth again.) Phoebe: Tell me about it. Hey, did you fix the air conditioning. Manny/Prue: Yeah, I just had to clean the filter. Air flow clog must have thrown the breaker. (Phoebe looks at her/him) Phoebe: Hmm. (Piper walks in) Piper: Guess who that was? Alan, from Bucklands. Manny/Prue: Alan... wait? He actually called. Piper: Yeah and he wants to go out with you again. So much for our rejection theory. Manny/Prue: Well, what did you tell him? Piper: I went out on a limb and told him you were feeling a bit hormonal. Phoebe: 102.5 degrees. Probably normal for Succubus. Piper: But not so good for you. I really think you should call a Doctor. Phoebe: Piper, there's nothing he can do. It's the connection with Succubus. It's getting stronger. Probably because she missed her nightly feeding. She didn't get Owen or Prue. She needs to kill. I can feel it. Piper: Ok, what are we gonna do? Manny/Prue: All right, I got a plan. The dating service called. Turns out my video broke some kind of house record. 20 hits this morning. One of them might to be Succubus. So I lined up dates with all of them. Piper: What? Manny/Prue: Yep! At your club. Starting at 6. Piper: Oh, no no no no. Not tonight. The Cranberries are coming in for a sound check before the benefit tomorrow. I can't risk scaring them away. Manny/Prue: That's no problem. I'll just nail the Succubus before they get there. Piper: Oh, you're gonna nail her, are you? Oh, so this whole man thing, this sort of short-circuits the old "maybe I should consult my sisters" wiring, now, doesn't it? Just step right in and take over. Phoebe: Didn't start happening until she sucker-punched Owen. Manny/Prue: You had a problem, I fixed it. Phoebe: Oh, you bet your butt, you did. You nearly broke his jaw Manny/Prue: I saved his life. Look, you're the one who told me I had to practice being a man, right? So I acted on instinct. And tell you the truth, the moment that I hit him, I felt powerful and strong. Like somehow that made me a man. Piper: You wanna know how to be a real man? Look at Dan. Honest, kind, good heart. The type of guy who would risk being late to work just to make you smile. Not some bully who walks around thinking one punch is gonna change anything. (She leaves) Manny/Prue: She learned all that, just from looking out a window? (Manny/Prue and Phoebe look out a window and see Dan) Phoebe: Oh, yeah! Nice body, great tan. Manny/Prue: Awesome truck. Phoebe: You know, I think you really are becoming a man [Scene: Outside P3.] Smith: Ow, Man... look at that. Look at that. I can hardly even see out of that and you let him walk. Morris: Try looking at the club for a while. sooner we catch the perp, sooner I can have you reassigned. Smith: Fine. [Scene: P3.] Phoebe: I just hope that the Succubus gets here fast because I'm dying. Piper: Okay, focus on the plan. Manny lures the Succubus into the alley and then I freeze her and... Phoebe: And then he uses his testosterone-charged powers to fend her off until she burst into flames. I got it. (Phoebe sees Manny/Prue) Phoebe: Uh, did Manny just check out that girl's butt? Piper: Oh, God. This is starting to get wierd. Phoebe: It's Starting to get wierd? Where ya been? [P3.] Alan: Hey Manny/Prue: Hey... You don't recognize me, do you? Alan: No, sorry. Should I? Manny/Prue: Uh, I work at Bucklands with Prue Halliwell. Manny, Manny Hanks. Alan: Alan Stanton. Nice to meet you. So, you know Prue, huh? Manny/Prue: Yeah, we go way back. Alan: Huh, Prue and I actually dated. Few times. When it comes to dating these days, I just can't figure out what they want. It's a real confusing time to be a man. Manny/Prue: You mean, like in... huh, what way? Alan: Like every way. Even opening doors or pulling out chairs. Some women expect it. Other women hate it. You never know which camp they're in until it's too late. Manny/Prue: Which camp do you think Prue's in? Alan: Prue? The good one. The one that likes it. She's cool. Manny/Prue: I had no idea... I mean, I bet she had no idea. Have you told her? Alan: Are you kidding? Probably scare her away if I haven't already. [P3.] Piper: Where's Prue? I lost her... him Phoebe: She's over there talking with A... (Phoebe gets a flash) Piper: What? Phoebe: The Succubus. She's here. I'm seeing what she's seeing. Piper: What? Where is she? Phoebe: She's here somewhere. She just spotted Prue. Wait... isn't that the woman from the dating service? The one that videotaped Prue? [P3.] Alan: I mean, you know, Prue. She's on the rebound. And I respect her too much to force the issue. I didn't want to move too fast. Although I think about it now, maybe I went too slow and got her mad at me. Some damn confusing rules, you know what I mean. Manny/Prue: Yeah, I'm beginning to. (Manny/Prue's cell phone rings) Manny/Prue: Yeah. Piper: Prue, she's here. Get to the alley, quick. It's Jan from the dating service. The one on the red dress Manny/Prue: Right on my way (to Alan) Sorry, Alan, Gotta go. [Scene: P3.] Phoebe: Hi hi hi hi... Jan. Right? From a Fine Romance? Jan: Yes... have we met? (Phoebe gets a new flash and realizes that it's not Jan) Phoebe: It's not you. [Scene: Alley.] Darla/Succubus: Hello, Manny. (Manny/Prue tries to use her/him power but he/she can't) Manny/Prue: What's happening to me? Darla/Succubus: You're falling in love. You want me. You need me. Tell me I'm irresistible. Tell me. Manny/Prue: You're irresistible. (Succubus is about to use her razor-sharp tongue when Piper and Phoebe show up and Piper freezes her.) Piper: Whoa! What happened? Why didn't you use your power? Manny/Prue: I don't know. I was trying to use it and it wouldn't work. And then I felt like I was... huh. Phoebe: Impotent? Manny/Prue: You know, a little advice about men, Phoebe. When we fail at something, generally we don't like to hear that we're... Phoebe: Impotent? Manny/Prue: Yeah! (Darla/Succubus unfreezes) Piper: Oh, no (Smith and Morris show up) Smith: Freeze right there (She knocks him out) Morris: Stop or I'll shoot. Stop (He sees her razor-sharp tongue and shoots her) Morris: She's dead. But I don't know what was? You guys ok? Piper: I think so. Manny/Prue: (to Phoebe) Okay, how come I'm still a man? [Scene: Coroner's office.] Doctor: Toxicology won't be back for a week but the preliminary blood panel did show something odd. This woman's endocrine system showed high level of testosterone Smith: Testosterone? How's that even possible? Doctor: Won't know for certain until the autopsy but if it turns out to be accurate, you've definitely got the killer you've been looking for. Smith: I'm telling you, there's something really weird about this. It's a real shame. She's a babe. (The Doctor leaves and Succubus kills Smith.) [Scene: Attic.] Piper: I don't understand. It says to attract and destroy the Succubus. She will come to us and burst into flames. Manny/Prue: Well, it came all right but it certainly didn't burst. And worse, I'm still a man. What I don't understand is why wasn't I able to use my powers? Piper: I don't know. (She looks out the window) Manny/Prue: You know, men are just as afraid of being rejected as women are. Trust me. That's probably why Dan hasn't asked you out. He's afraid you'll say no. Piper: Like you'd know. Do you? Manny/Prue: I'm a guy, aren't I? (Phoebe walks in) Phoebe: Guys, the Succubus. She's still alive. I felt her kill again Piper: Oh, no! Manny/Prue: Why wasn't I able to destroy her? Phoebe: We can still finish this. Manny/Prue: How? I mean, she knocked me out, guys. I mean, really. It was like I was in a trance. I was weak in the knees and for a moment I felt her need not to be reject as though it would devastate her. Phoebe: Great. We're dealing with a sensitive man-killing demon. Manny/Prue: Well, we gotta be missing something. You two keep looking. I gotta go take a leak. Piper, Phoebe: Don't forget to put the seat back down. Manny/Prue: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. (Manny/Prue walks out) Piper: Anything there? Phoebe: No. Nothing at all. (Phoebe gets a new flash) Piper: Phoebe! Phoebe: She's here. The Succubus... She's in the house. (They hear a noise like something broking.) Piper: Prue! [Bathroom.] Piper: Prue? Where'd she go? (They she the broken window) [Darla/Succubus' place.] Darla/Succubus: I watched your tape over and over again. The things you said, I... (Prue/Manny is on the bed) Darla/Succubus: You can't resist me [Scene: Manor. Attic.] Piper: We have to find Prue, Phoebe. Or she's dead Phoebe: I'm connected again. I'm seeing Prue. She's alive Piper: Where is she? Phoebe: The same place the others victims were but I don't know where that is. God. I'm gonna watch her kill Prue end there's nothing I can do about it. Piper: Wait. Listen to me. I have an idea. If you're connected to the Succubus, then the Succubus is connected to you, right? Phoebe: What are you talking about? Piper: You have to reverse the psychic connection. You have to use your power to project back to the Succubus to help Prue resist her. What's the Succubus saying? Phoebe's flash. Darla/Succubus: Tell me you want me. Manny/Prue: I want you. Phoebe: She wants Prue to want her. Piper: Ok, talk through the Succubus. Tell Prue that she doesn't want her. She'll never want her. Tell her. Phoebe's flash. Darla/Succubus: Tell me you need me. Manny/Prue: I need you. Piper: Talk to Prue like she's right in front of you, Phoebe. Um, tell her that she is not a man. She's a woman. Phoebe's flash. Darla/Succubus: Tell me. Phoebe: You're not a man. You're a woman. Phoebe's flash Darla/Succubus: You're a woman. Manny/Prue: I'm a woman. Darla/Succubus: What? Phoebe: You can resist Prue. Only a man is powerless against me. Phoebe's flash. Darla/Succubus: You can resist Prue. Only a man is powerless against me. Manny/Prue: I can resist you. In fact, I'm rejecting you. [Scene: Darla/Succubus' place.] Darla/Succubus: What? You can't resist me. I'm irresistible. Manny/Prue: Not to me, you're not, you bitch. (Prue/Manny uses her/him power against Succubus and she starts to burst into flame) Darla/Succubus: Nooooooo! (Manny/Prue turns into a woman again.) [Scene: Manor.] Piper: Are you ok? Phoebe: I'm fine. And so is Prue. Piper: What about the Succubus? Phoebe: She's dead [Scene: P3. Prue is wearing a very sexy outfit.] Phoebe: Oh.. Well, well. And I thought the heat wave was over. Piper: Yeah, Prue. You look hot. Prue: I'm just grateful to be back in heels. Phoebe: Let me see. Oh, yeah. You definitely have that walk down. Prue: Well, we'll see if Alan agrees with that. Phoebe: Alan? I thought you thought he wasn't interested. Prue: Yeah, I was wrong. Just a little gender confusion. Piper: Looks like you learned a few things about being a woman by being a man. Prue: Actually, I did. I mean, we're different, which I'm glad about that. But we're also similar in many ways. You know, we all feel the same emotions. It's just that if we don't communicate honestly, then we read between the lines and tend to get everything screwed up. Piper: And sometimes it's just up to us to open the door first... take a chance (They see Dan) Prue: Oh, you finally called him, huh? Piper: I got some good advice from the brother I never had. Excuse me. Prue: You're welcome. (She goes to meet Dan.) Prue: So, what about you, Pheebs? Phoebe: Me, Uh? (She sees Owen) I actually have an appointment with a Doctor I've been dying to see. I'm still running a little bit hot. Prue: I see that. He winked at you (Phoebe goes to meet Owen. Cranberries starts to play.) Piper: Glad you could make it. Dan: Are you kidding? I'm just glad you called. Truth is I've been waiting to call you for some time now. Piper: Really? I never would guess. Dan: You wanna dance? Piper: Sure. (They join Phoebe and Owen and start to dance.) Prue: Alan, Hey... Good to see you. Alan: I'm glad you called back, Prue. I have to admit. I didn't think you would Prue: Well, I wasn't going to at first. But then I met this really nice guy who encouraged me to go ahead Alan: Yeah? Who is he? I wanna thank him. Prue: Oh, no. I'll thank him... Cranberries. Alan: Let's go. (They join Piper and Dan and Phoebe and Owen. Then we see the girls dancing with their guys)
doc_291	Opens on a breathtakingly beautiful shot of the coast Cohen's house - Kitchen - Kirsten is pouring juice & Seth is sitting at the kitchen table. Kirsten: first day of school, are you excited? (Seth gives her a look) You know I ask you questions in the hopes of eliciting an actual response Seth: I feel I convey more with a look (makes puppy dog eyes at her) Kirsten: you look adorable! Seth: no Kirsten: cute? Seth: no Kirsten: dope? Seth: no Kirsten: RAD! Seth: PLEASE, please this is so painful Kirsten: ah, I'm-I'm-sorry-sorry (Sandy walks in) How was surfing? Sandy: cut it short, I wanted to see the boys off Kirsten: doesn't Seth look rad (Sandy kisses her head) Sandy: oh you do look rad, bad props son (Seth is shaking his head in horror, Ryan walks in) Seth: thank god man, are you ready to go Sandy: (to Ryan) first day, are you excited? (Ryan gives him a look, like Seth tried to do earlier with Kirsten) Sandy: enough said Seth: how do you do that by the way, how do you convey everything with just a look (Ryan gives it to Seth) Seth: again! Kirsten: (to Ryan) how're you doin?...are you nervous? Ryan: why would I be nervous? Seth: because we're going to school with like three hundred Luke's minus the redeeming social qualities (Ryan looks at him) I got it, sorry you make me more nervous (?) CUT TO: Jimmy's house - Marissa and Summer are sitting on the sofa, Jimmy walks in with French toast Summer: don't be nervous Marissa: uh I'm not nervous I'm just not going Summer: Coop you have to go, you own the school and what about kick off carnival your still the social chair Marissa: hmm let's see, be humiliated in front of the entire school or hire someone to do balloon animals Summer: Huh, you have to hire the guy who makes the balloon octopus (Marissa gives her a look) So your boyfriend cheated on you and yes you almost died in Mexico and, OK there is that whole scandal with your dad Marissa: If you're trying to make me feel better... Summer: ok the point is there's no such thing as bad publicity (Marissa smells something) Marissa: Is that something burning? Jimmy: Ok so uh new oven, haven't quite figured out how to make French toast Summer: Not in the oven, would be a good place to start! Jimmy: since no one will hire me I've got plenty of time, I'm gonna go out and buy a cook book (Marissa smiles) come on, it's good its, there crunchy, see Marissa: umm no thanks Summer: yeah...I don't know who I'm more worried about here Jimmy: well I think it's safe to say that this year is...going to be different CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten and Sandy are standing at the sink, Seth & Ryan are getting ready to leave Kirsten: you know maybe this year'll be different you know, better Seth: yeah that's the mantra every year, and every year some big water polo player ends up uh peeing in one of my shoes (Sandy looks at him) nah I'm just kidding, they pee in both. Ryan has Mr. Schmidt for uh pre cal (they all look at Ryan) Ryan: what's wrong with Mr. Schmidt? Seth: nothing, say hi to his mom for me! Sandy: well, at least you have each other Seth: that is very wise dad Sandy: thankyou son Ryan: (looks worried) we're doomed CUT TO: Theme Song - California by Phantom Planet The Harbor School - Seth & Ryan are walking Seth: the master race, it's been perfected Ryan and they all go to our school (to passing jocks) Hey, fellas (the jocks knock into him as they walk passed, and say nothing) Alright, don't get your speedos in a bunch Ryan: This is a nightmare Still Harbor School, Summer & Marissa are walking Marissa: This is a nightmare Summer: I bet like no one even knows Marissa: are you kidding? (they walk passed a group of girls talking about Marissa) Girl: I heard she died down there; she looks pretty good for a dead girl Summer: Hey whores, why don't you go work another corner Marissa: Sum, (walking away) maybe I should just go home, you know help my dad unpack Summer: no Coop that is as bad as it's gonna get (sees Seth & Ryan walking towards them) I spoke to soon Seth: Hello Summer, what does your schedule look like today Summer: Full Seth: oh really, ok, alright CUT TO: Marissa & Ryan Ryan: Hey, a friendly face Marissa: Hey, how's it goin? Ryan: not good, you? Marissa: oh worse Ryan: so uh, why don't we just get outta here, right now just get in your car and go down to the pier Marissa: I can't dean Kim would call my dad, or worse my mom Ryan: ok, how about after school? Marissa: I'm suppose to help chair the kick off carnival committee...I know I've been looking for an excuse to get out of it Ryan: well I think you've found one Marissa: (smiles) ok, I'll meet you out front Ryan: something to look forward to (Summer walks up) Summer: Coop, can we go please (they both walk away from Ryan and not realising, towards Luke) Luke: hey, could we maybe talk or (a shot of Ryan looking worried, Marissa backs away) Summer: stay away from her! Luke: how am I spose to do that we all go to the same school Summer: oh well maybe you should of thought about that before hooking up with one of her best friends! Ass! (Ryan catches up to Marissa) Ryan: hey, are you ok? Marissa: yeah, I just have to get use to it...this I guess Ryan: but, we're still on right? Marissa: yeah, something to look forward to! (smiles and walks away) Summer: Coop (catching up to her) Seth: see ya Summer (to Ryan) slowly I thaw her icy heart CUT TO: Cohen house - Sandy & Kirsten's bedroom - Sandy is fixing his tie in the mirror, Kirsten is watching Kirsten: Look at you! Sandy: if I must Kirsten: new suit, new scent, mm new look Sandy: I feel like this is headin somewhere Kirsten: new girlfriend Sandy: ohh, and there it is, you still wont forge (Kirsten kisses him and pushes him back onto the bed) sandy & Kirsten: mm, ooh, mm Sandy: oh god, I shoulda found an attractive co worker years ago (Kirsten looks at him) it was a figure of speech Kirsten: Rachel's attractive? Sandy: is that her name? its context only you know in relation to which she invokes amorous feelings in my far more, extremely more attractive wife Kirsten: good answer (she kisses him again, they sit back up) mornings use to be our time Sandy: (with his head buried in her neck) oh I remember them well Kirsten: mm, what happened? (they kiss again) (mobile phone rings) Sandy: oh, work happened (he tries to get his phone out of his pants pocket) I can't get it just hang on one sec (lays back on the bed and rolls Kirsten to his side) just hold on, wait, I got it Kirsten: (looks at the phone) how did she know? (sighs) your not going to answer it are you (Kirsten's phone rings now) Kirsten: ooh, it's my dad Sandy: Hey, Rachel Kirsten: Hi dad (sighs) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth & Summer are walking inside, down stairs Seth: so Summer if you would care to join me for lunch today I can arrange to have an empty chair available at my table Summer: there's nothing but empty chairs at your table Seth: (gasps) (off screen) Anna: Seth Cohen! Seth: Anna! (gives her a hug) hey how're you doin Summer: (looks jealous) um excuse me we were talking here Anna: oh, so insulting him counts as conversation Seth: yeah well if it doesn't then we've never spoken, Summer you remember Anna right, she's moved here from Pittsburgh Summer: how could I forget (walks away) Seth: oh hey so we're gonna, we're gonna still be on for lunch today right... (to Anna) she probably didn't even hear me Anna: Seth, what are you doing? I thought you got passed this whole Summer thing at Catillion Seth: Right, and I know Anna that it seems like not alot of progress has been made but I have to tell you, well yeah not that much progress has been made despite all my best judgements I cannot, not like her Anna: you are such a boy! Seth: well, whatever. I don't see what the problem is I'm nothing but available to that girl Anna: alright, right there, that's your problem. girls like to be chased by guys that aren't into them Seth: and that sounds a little bit like a game to me Anna and I don't really like to play games ok, unless we're talking about a little-a little Saturday night jenga, a little-little magic gathering. LOVE magic gather Anna: maybe you just don't know how to play Seth: well, your a gir...l right Anna: yeah Seth: uh huh and we're friends right Anna: sure Seth: ok awesome so then why don't you train me in the ways of women huh, give me a little advice Anna: I don't understand the mind of chicks like Summer Seth: ill teach ya how to play jenga Anna: (sighs) do you really like her Seth: (nods) since I was ten Anna: (giving in) fine...but I make no promises Seth: trust me I cannot do any worse then I've been doing Anna: that I trust Seth: You're my girl! CUT TO: Sandy's office - Sandy is looking at case files, and Rachel walks in Rachel: hey Sandy: hey Rachel: what were you doing this morning when I called you sound um, did I wake you? Sandy: uh, huh I was spending some time with my wife Rachel: oh yeah, how'd that go? Sandy: well I got to work on time didn't I? Rachel: to bad, it might be a while before your wife is in the mood for looove Sandy: oh yeah, something you know I don't Rachel: well I know lots that you don't but in this case, are you familiar with the Balboa wetlands Sandy: yeah, it's the largest coastal wetlands in California, home to the blue heron and the brown pelican and my personal favourite something called the swamp rose Rachel: right, the wetlands are key to water quality in the county and not to mention, they're kinda pretty Sandy: so naturally they must be destroyed Rachel: The Balboa heights are 250 acres of land that sit above said wetlands Sandy: yeah, every developers been going after the heights for years Rachel: well somebody got it, and they're looking to tear it up, put in condos, a golf course Sandy: (sarcastically) oh thank god cause you know the lack of golf courses around here is, it's tragic Rachel: This is a policy changing career making piece of litigation here, a tree hugging crusader like yourself would probably kill for a case like this Sandy: and you wanna share this with me Rachel: yes Sandy: why? (Rachel hands him the file) Sandy: oh, my wife's company is the plaintiff Rachel: it's her fathers company Sandy: so why even tempt me with this, it's a conflict of interest I, I'm not even sure it'd be ethical Rachel: well the client, the Balboa land trust not only waived the conflict of interest they insisted that you take the case. your politics, your passion, your severe dislike for your father in-law, your the ideal advocate Sandy: I suspect my wife is gonna have a different spin on all this Rachel: look, you came to this firm because we have the resources to help you make a difference, they're gonna teach this in law school...so what's it gonna be? Your s*x life or the swamp rose CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa walks into a class, and she sees Holly & a group of girls gossiping and laughing Holly: (whispering) did you know that she overdosed on vicadin (Marissa tries to ignore it) CUT TO: Ryan walking into his class, he sees Luke at the table, neither looks impressed CUT TO: Dr Kim's office - Marissa is talking to her about quitting social chair Dr Kim: you are not quitting your post as social chair Marissa, you were elected by the students, you've held the position for 2 years Marissa: I know Dr Kim but that was before everything that's happened this summer Dr Kim: I understand you are going through alot of change right now but you're a leader here at Harbor that doesn't have to change. you're a wonderful example to your fellow students they look up to you Marissa: not anymore they don't Dr Kim: putting aside the issue of how walking away from your extracurricular responsibilities will affect your college transcript. people are always going to talk, may as well give em somethin good to talk about. Don't disappear Marissa, this is your school, your life, your future CUT TO: Ryan waiting for Marissa out the front, Seth & Anna walk up Seth: Hey what're you doing? Ryan: you haven't told me about summer reading? Seth: who does summer reading Ryan: apparently everyone in my class Seth: oh, yeah sorry about that one. so listen Anna here has convinced me to join the plank, it's the literary magazine Anna: I needed an extra curricular activity and apparently you don't have to wear a sports bra to be on the lit mag Seth: See it's appealing on many levels, plus I feel I uh have a few limericks that are ready to be shared with the world Ryan: well have fun, I'm gonna hang with Marissa Seth: school might not suck this year (Seth and Anna walk away, Marissa walks over) Marissa: Hey, so it turns out I have to plan this carnival thing after all Ryan: oh...ok Marissa: yeah I mean I talked to the dean and I think getting involved in school again might not be such a bad idea...I know that sounds lame Ryan: uh yeah, no, no, it's cool. so uh Marissa: can we reschedule Ryan: absolutely Marissa: what about the carnival, I'll save you a ride on the ferris wheel (grinning) Ryan: no ferris wheels, I don't, I don't do heights, but uh we'll figure somethin out Marissa: are you sure your gonna be... Ryan: Fine I just got a, alot of reading to do, like five hundred years of it so Marissa: ok, so I'll see ya! CUT TO: Cohen house the next morning - Sandy & Kirsten's bedroom Sandy: morning Kirsten: hey, I didn't hear you come in last night Sandy: uh I didn't wanna wake you, you look nice Kirsten: dads demanding a company breakfast, some kind of crisis. so if this is how its gonna be after a couple of weeks of work we're just gonna be like Sandy: two ships passing in the morning Kirsten: hmm, what have they got you working on? Sandy: a big uh high profile case Kirsten: uh, how bout lunch today, ill pay. you know what actually you can pay your the one thats working on a high profile case Sandy: how bout Friday? Kirsten: ill have my people call your people, I love you (kisses him on the cheek) Sandy: love you too Cohen kitchen - Ryan is drinking coffee and reading, Sandy comes in Sandy: hey kid...how did school go for ya? Ryan: fine, just behind Sandy: after one day, nice work...oh its brutal you're brave to face those preppy little savages and I mean the teachers Ryan: I don't think it was a good idea, me and private school Sandy: your one of the smartest kids they've got Ryan: it's not the work, its just (sighs) everybody's got somethin, except me Sandy: well you've got Seth Ryan: Seth's got his women Sandy: (shocked) Seth Cohen? (Ryan nods) ok s, really? So you need something, and activity, a sport (Seth walks in) Seth: Ladies Sandy: don juan we're trying to figure out an extra curricular activity for Ryan here Seth: ok Sandy: Harbors got a great archery program (Ryan looks at him) fencing Seth: what century are you in open your mind for a second here dad this isn't me we're talking about. with Ryan we have an opportunity to have a real athlete in the family Sandy: true Seth: somebody to achieve all that your Jewish ness has prevented me from accomplishing, hey I always wanted to play soccer Ryan: I use to play soccer Seth: done Sandy: glad I could help CUT TO: Jimmy's house - He and Marissa are in the lounge room Jimmy: I didn't get around to gettin those cookbooks Marissa: yeah I guess it's better to play it safe though Jimmy: so how's sleepin on the uh, on the sofa Marissa: it's... fine Jimmy: you know it's just temporary Marissa: I know, I can handle it Jimmy: did you uh, talk to your mom (Marissa shakes her head) I'm sorry about all this sweetheart Marissa: I just wish you would of told me Jimmy: I know, I know but things, things 'll be different now (doorbell) Hey, don't get to excited, the phone company is installing an actual phone line (Marissa smiles at him) It's a very big day (Jimmy opens the door) Luke: Hey Mr. Cooper Jimmy: Luke Luke: yeah so uh is this your new place it looks great Jimmy: not buyin it Luke Luke: right uh, can I talk to Marissa Jimmy: No, you can't Luke: come on Mr. Cooper its me if I could talk to her for a minute or so Jimmy: yeah she told me what happened and uh I don't think she wants to talk to you right now Luke: come on, I mean if anybody knows about being in the dog house Jimmy: don't say it Luke: what can I do? Jimmy: you can leave Luke: alright well tell her, sorry Jimmy: ok (shuts the door) Marissa: (smiling) thanks CUT TO: Harbor school - corridor, Ryan and Marissa bump into each other Ryan: hey Marissa: hi Ryan: how did it go with the carnival? Marissa: oh, very exciting. so maybe if I get out of my meeting early, I think we're voting on cotton candy versus funnel cakes Ryan: cotton candy no question Marissa: my thoughts exactly Ryan: uh but I cant today, I got soccer practice Marissa: you do? Ryan: yeah, gonna try out, figured getting involved in school might not be such a bad idea Marissa: (smiling) yeah and plus now we both get out at five right. ill meet you in the quad after school Ryan: ill see you then CUT TO: Seth walking into a class, Anna is already in there Seth: hello Anna: hey Seth: is this seat taken Anna: it is now Seth: cool (sees Summer walk in) you uh, you can sit here if you want Summer Summer: thanks Anna: Seth, come sit here by me Seth: are you sure? you don't mind the whole ah one cheek on one cheek off Ann: SIT Seth: sitting (to Anna) OH oh my god, ok so we didn't talk about this, tell me about Tahiti Anna: ooh, it was incredible Seth: was it (to Summer) ah Anna just sailed to Tahiti Summer: (scoffs) sailing is like so not the fastest way to get anywhere, I mean if you would have flown you would of gotten there alot sooner Anna: you should be on the debate team Summer: ugh (gives Anna a look) CUT TO: Sandy's office, Kirsten is waiting for him Sandy: Hi Kirsten: (icy) Hi, nice office Sandy: it came furnished Kirsten: brought ya lunch (she throws it at him) Sandy: well it's not a lump of coal Kirsten: Sandy when were you gonna tell me Sandy: soon Kirsten: not soon enough, I signed a deposition this morning Sandy: oh, honey, I-I-I-I'm not even sure if I'm gonna take this case Kirsten: there IS no case! (folds her arms) Sandy: we're talking about destroying one of the most biologically productive ecosystems in the world, its like selling off the rainforest to profit a few wealthy individuals and asking generations and generations of others to pay for it Kirsten: we have proposed to protect three hundred and fifty acres of wildlife refuge and a natural park Sandy: you'll still add thirty percent more traffic and ten tonnes of air pollution daily, not to mention what you'll do to the water supply Kirsten: your gonna take this, I Sandy: n, no Kirsten: oh Sandy, it isn't even ethical Sandy: I feel pretty comfortable comparing ethics with your father Kirsten: Well as long as you're comfortable! I gotta go, I gotta keep this off my fathers radar he's gonna lose his mind [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: Harbor school - soccer field, Ryan is there to try out Coach: alright move, don't wait for it (to Ryan) hey, you Atwood (Ryan nods) alright what position you comin out for? Ryan: striker Coach: striker, alright I tell you what, you see that kid out front that's Luke, he's our captain he's also our striker, well let's go, show me somethin Coach: hey Ward, you got a little competition CUT TO: Marissa finishing up her meeting Marissa: ok thanks you guys, so tomorrow we'll figure out event parking, hey and make sure the bands booked, no last second suprises (Luke is standing at the door as Marissa goes to walk out) Luke: we need to talk Marissa Marissa: believe me you do NOT wanna hear what I have to say Luke: yes I do Marisa: No, all you want is for me to tell you that everything's ok now, but I can't, its not Luke: I know, I know and-and I'm so sorry Marissa: I DONT CARE, (getting teary) I don't care how you feel, or what your going through because you sure as hell didn't care about me! Luke: that's not true Marissa: I slept with you! and then you went and slept with one of my best friends! I waited for you and you lied to me! you humiliated me (goes and sits down) Luke: Marissa I (sighs) it's just (a shot of Ryan walking into the corridor and seeing Luke with Marissa through the window) Luke: I'm so sorry, do you have any idea how hard it is to come to school every day and not be able to talk to you Marissa: you think it's easy for me? Luke: lets just, start over...please...I don't know what I'd do without you...and just because I ruined everything it doesn't mean that I didn't love you because I did... I-I do (Ryan sees Luke take her hand) Marissa: ...you know what the worst part is...if I hadn't caught you...I'd still love you to...I gotta go (Marissa leaves, and sees the main door moving) CUT TO: Cohen house morning, Sandy is out the front & Kirsten walks out to talk to him Sandy: oh I know that look Kirsten: I was trying to keep this from my dad, I was trying to protect us and now it's on the front page! (hands Sandy a newspaper, the heading reads: Wetlands lawsuit turns personal) I thought we could at least settle this privately, you and me Sandy: this was not spose to go to the press Kirsten: it's your firm, and now the entire community knows we're fighting (walks away) Sandy: well I guess they got the story straight! (Kirsten slams the door) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan just got out of the shower; he comes out & sees Seth Ryan: what're you doing? Seth: Morning ritual Ryan, coffee-bagel-arts and leisure Ryan: you have a morning ritual (shakes his head) Seth: something I've been crafting for a while...so what's up dude? how's life, I feel like we never get a chance to talk anymore. who are you? Ryan: we had dinner twelve hours ago Seth: fine, you keep it all bottled up (Ryan looks as if he's going to say something, but doesn't) Seth: what was that? Ryan: nothing Seth: No, that wasn't nothing see I saw something I saw thoughts forming I saw words percolating Ryan: its jus...never mind Seth: come on! what was that dude Ryan: (giving in) uh last night I saw...Marissa with Luke Seth: makin out? Ryan: mm making up...Luke was crying Seth: Luke was CRYING...so Luke was crying that doesn't sound like anything Ryan: it didn't sound like nothing, it looked like they were getting back together Seth: w, so ask her about it, I'm sure that if nothings going on she'll tell you CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa & Summer are walking inside Summer: do NOT tell him Marissa: uhh, I don't know shouldn't I just be honest Summer: never, ok you guys haven't even like gone out on a date yet, your only gonna freak him out, trust me Coop what he doesn't know wont hurt you Ryan is walking towards Marissa at her locker Ryan: hi Marissa: Hi (big smile) what happened to you last night I waited and I tried calling Ryan: yeah, sorry I got a little slammed last night I'm pretty behind Marissa: after two days Ryan: (nods) what'd you do? Marissa: umm, nothing, my meeting went long Ryan: ahh how'd it go? Marissa: good I think it's gonna be good Ryan: well what did you do after? Marissa: after I couldn't find you I uh went home Ryan: oh yeah, sorry Marissa: yeah but you've got soccer practice later right, so maybe ill stop by Ryan: (staring at her) I gotta get to class, ill see ya (they both walk off looking worried CUT TO: a class room - Seth & Summer are there Summer: (touches a dead frog) oh (sees that Seth is watching her) I mean eeewww Seth: that's my girl! Summer: Cohen, your a good dissector right Seth: hands of a surgeon Summer: well it's decided then, you'll be my lab partner. you can write up all those boring lab reports right Anna: actually Seth already has a partner, he's promised himself to me, right Seth: yyyyes I am betrothed Anna: good Seth: what're you doing, she wanted to be my lab partner,wh, your suppose to help me get her Anna: watch and learn Cohen (Summer goes and sits with a geek) Anna: follow my lead. Scalpel Seth: where should we begin? Anna: the heart! (Summer is watching them both, clearly jealous) CUT TO: Sandy's firm - Rachel is there Rachel: Well Sanford you are all anybody is talkin about around here Sandy: tell me now, did you bring me into this firm because of this case Rachel: we didn't have this case when we hired you, but don't worry about it, you've already convinced everyone that you're really torn. now could we get on with it, you know this could go to the state supreme court Sandy: yeah, and I know I can win, it's a question of what I'm gonna lose Rachel: oh well...if your marriage can't survive this what kinda marriage is it? CUT TO: Harbor school - soccer field, Ryan shoots for a goal, Luke is at the bench and Marissa walks up Marissa: hey Luke: s-sorry about yesterday, that was kind of intense...I think the last time I cried was...when Mcauly Culkin died at the end of my girl Marissa: (laughs) yeah the bee stings, you were a mess (Ryan sees them laughing together and doesn't look happy) Coach: hey Ward, get over here Luke: well I'll uh (?) Sorry coach I had to tape up my ankle Coach: alright are we finally all together (Marissa waves to Ryan, he doesn't wave back) Coach: alright I wanna see some hustle now, let's go! (Whistle blows, Luke takes the ball and Ryan goes after it, he bashes into Luke and trips him up) Coach: hey, illegal (grabs Ryan by the arm) Hey, get in my office, RIGHT NOW (Coach is taking care of Luke & Marissa looks on, confused) CUT TO: Cohen house at night, they are eating dinner and everyone except Seth is in a bad mood Seth: (to Ryan) Hey, how was soccer? (Ryan doesn't answer) So pops how's the new job (Sandy doesn't answer) Oh hey mom um are we (Kirsten glares at him) I'm just going to be quietly eating now CUT TO: the pool house, Ryan is on his bed reading and Marissa comes in Marissa: Hey, what was that about? Ryan: what Marissa: well you attacked him Ryan: he beat me to the ball, it was a clean tackle Marissa: why are you lying to me? Ryan: why are you lying to me? Marissa: what're you talking about? Ryan: you and Luke, I saw you yesterday I heard everything Marissa: I didn't know what to say Ryan: how bout the truth, why didn't you just tell me Marissa: why didn't you just tell me! instead of just going off and hurting him, you're as bad as he is! Ryan: you know what; I don't need to be lied to by one more person Marissa: I didn't lie to you...what happened was between me and Luke it has nothing to do with you Ryan: you're right it has nothing to do with me (the both look hurt) Ryan: this just isn't gonna happen Marissa: no, its not (she leaves) CUT TO: The pool house the next morning - Ryan walks out of the bathroom and Sandy is waiting for him Sandy: your coach called...he wants to suspend you for 2 games Ryan: great Sandy: he thinks you've got talent, he also thinks your attitude sucks Ryan: It does Sandy: SIT down and listen to me (Ryan doesn't move) You can stand if you want but you know how lawyers love to talk (Ryan sits on the bed) The last thing you need is for this blow out on the soccer field to turn into a suspension from school. This school could do great things for you Ryan: for Seth maybe, not for me Sandy: you're angry, I know that, I don't blame ya, every day at that school your gonna run into spoilt little rich kids who's ass you are gonna wanna kick, well you've just gotta find a way to work it out right now because forget about suspension...we're always one mistake away from...from someone taking you from us (Ryan looks at him)You know Seth was never really uh big on organised sports, id love to see you play, go to some of your games (Ryan half smiles, Sandy leaves) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth & Ryan are walking outside Seth: huh, and women usually find stuck brutality so romantic Ryan: I messed up Seth: ah yeah, well its my experience in life Ryan that you should always apologise alright, even if you haven't done anything wrong, your shoes would get peed in so much less...it was a metaphor Ryan: apologise, right, and to Luke Seth: that cry baby no man, he gets to drowned in his own tears Marissa and Summer are walking down stairs Summer: They're all the same, it's to bad cause I could tell you really liked him (Ryan walks up to them, as they get to the bottom of the stairs) Ryan: Hey, uh do you mind, could we? Summer: oh, we have to get to class...come on Coop (Summer pulls Marissa away, Marissa turns back to look at Ryan) (beautiful scenes of the beach at sunset/coast at sunset) CUT TO: Cohen house, backyard at night - Kirsten is in the spa, Sandy comes out with flowers Sandy: I do love Mr. Solomon Bourke Kirsten: (softly) hey Sandy: hey...I was, I was gonna bring you a bouquet of swamp roses but you know apparently there, there endangered...I'm gonna take it, I gotta, I'm sorry, it's who you married Kirsten: I know Sandy: y, you know I've been pissing you off for years, why stop now Kirsten: (smiles) my father, my husband, its gonna be a long year Sandy: could be a couple of years Kirsten: (softly) yeah, well, I couldn't be married to a man who wasn't a man Sandy: (softly) I'm all man (they both smile/laugh) Kirsten: we'll get through this, there's a reason why we're together Sandy: I have that suspicion Kirsten: ok Sandy: ok? Kirsten: ok Sandy: ok Kirsten: ok (kisses him) the kids are at that carnival Sandy: I heard that rumour Kirsten: mm hmm Sandy: are you getting out Kirsten: are you gettin in (she pulls him closer to her by his tie, phone rings) Oh my god Sandy: why do you keep this thing on? Kirsten: emergencies, oh that's my dad, and it's an emergency (Sandy's phone rings) Kirsten: hey, dad Sandy: Rachel, hi CUT TO: The carnival - Seth & Anna are playing ski ball Seth: if only ski ball were a school sport, you know what I mean Anna: a boy can dream Seth: alright let's see you take a shot Anna: no, ill pass Seth: take one shot, take a shot, its very easy, ok concentrate, alright lean to the left a little bit (to Ryan) hey Anna: (to Ryan) any luck finding Marissa Ryan: nah, no sign of her, you guys Seth: nothing, we have to let Anna concentrate now because she dares step up to the master, ssshhh (Anna throws, she's get 100,000 and screams/cheers in excitement) Seth: ok, clearly uh you're a lesbian, wow I'm gonna go trade in my tickets for some cash prizes (to Anna) oh hey do you think I should get Summer something, what do you think she would like (Anna gives him a look) ok I can figure it out Anna: (to Ryan) Seth doesn't understand the whole hard to get strategy Ryan: that's because he's not Anna: oh Ryan: why are you helping him with Summer? Anna: why not (Ryan raises his eyebrows) Seth doesn't see me that way, when he looks at Summer he sees lips, and hair and boobs, when he looks at me he sees...a lab partner, we're friends Ryan: an your gonna let that slide (Anna shrugs) Anna, guys wannna be chased by girls who aren't interested in them (they see Summer & Marissa in the distance) Anna: so do girls Ryan: she's heading for the ferris wheel, gotta go Anna: good luck! Ryan heads over to the ferris wheel and runs into Luke Ryan: I'm sorry about yesterday (Luke looks over at Marissa in the queue, and then back at Ryan, Ryan runs to catch Marissa just as Marissa and Summer get on. Ryan grabs Summers arm) Ryan: do you mind Summer: not getting involved (Summer walks away, letting Ryan take her place. Ryan sits next to Marissa and pulls the lap bar down) Marissa: what're you doing? (Ryan looks freaked out, remember he doesn't 'do' heights) Ryan: I wanna talk (ride starts) Marissa: I thought you were afraid of heights Ryan: uhh huh, but this is important to me (getting up top) oh boy, look um I said some things last night and I just want y (they stop abruptly right at the top, Marissa is amused) Ryan: whoa, uh-wh-what's going on Marissa: uh, we're stopped Ryan: yeah wh-wh-wh-why why are we stopped (Marissa looks down to see why, Anna hands money to the operator) Anna: keep them up there a few minutes, let them work it out Seth: you are the master Anna: Cohen, there's something I wanna tell you Seth: alright, more advice I'm ready, bring it (Anna grabs Seth & kisses him, Seth looks up after the kiss and sees Summer watching, Anna sees who Seth is looking at) Seth: is this... all part of the plan (Anna looks disappointed) cause it looks like its working Anna: yeah, was all part of the plan...so you gonna go Seth: yeah, thankyou (walks away but stops) oh hey, (shrugs) I got this for you (hands Anna a sock monkey) it's all I could get with my tickets Anna: thanks Seth goes over to Summer Seth: (clears throat) hey Summer, what's goin on Summer: Coop's stuck on the ferris wheel and I was looking for someone to go on the tilta-whirl with me (Seth takes some of her cotton candy) Seth: well I'll go on it with you Summer: ok, I may vomit Seth: I like those odds CUT TO: Ferris wheel, Ryan & Marissa are still stuck at the top. Ryan doesn't look great Marissa: are you ok Ryan: yeah (Marissa sits forward and rocks the seat) Ryan: had to get the cheap ferris wheel didn't you, oh what kinda carnival is this Cooper (Marissa looks at him) UUhh ok (closes his eyes and turns to her) Look, I don't talk, alot about stuff and I really don't trust people... but I trust you (Marissa smiles) and I wanna make it, (swallows) this work, no matter what...and if we ever get down from here maybe we could talk about it Marissa: (having fun with his vulnerability) oh, well who knows when that'll be Ryan: oh please don't say that (Marissa smiles) Marissa: Look, maybe you just need something to take your mind off of it Ryan: Oh we're fifty feet in the air how do you expect me to possibly (Marissa leans over and kisses him! Ryan opens his eyes, then closes them again - Awwww - after a while they begin to move down and neither notice, they stop at the bottom and Ryan says to the operator one more time, Marissa laughs and they start kissing again. camera pulls out to a wide shot of the ferris wheel still going round, and lit up beautifully)
doc_292	[September 2007 - The appartment] Lily and Marshall (laughing): Oh my god! Ted (gets out of his bedroom): I have a tattoo! Barney: oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp! Ted: a tramp stamp?! [Title: present day -in a tatto remote clinic] Narrator: kids, too often in life, we make decisions that we're not prepared to live with. (a man with a tattoo "rex&evelyn forever" cries) This is a story about those decisions, and the consequences that follow. (Ted is in the clinic, hidden derriere a newspaper) [the appartment - Ted/Marshall/Barney] Ted: Say goodbye, kids, 'cause it won't be around much longer. (He shows his tattoo) Lily: oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly, how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper fron reno with daddy issues? Ted: yes, yes, enjoy these final moments of mockery because in just ten surprisingly expensive sessions, Stella is gonna zap that butterfly right off the face of my lower back. Lily: Stella? Ted: Dr Stella Zinman. She's the best in the business. And she's rather cute in fact. In fact... we're going to a movie together tonight. Barney: what? Ted: I asked her out. All: Ted, why would you do that? Barney: what's matter with you? Ted: What? What do you mean? Barney: Dude... don't poop where you eat. Ted: oh, no, this doesn't count. Marshall: If it's someone you see on a regular basis, and you can't avoid them... Lily: and in this case, you're paying them... then yes, it counts. Barney: You've heard of the golden rule, right? "love their neighbor?" Ted: uh, actually, it's "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It's from the bible. Barney: Damn it Ted, i've worked out this whole thing where the golden rule is "love thy neighbor", ok?... Now the golden rule is "love thy neigbor". But, there's one rule above it: the platinum rule: "never ever, ever, ever, love thy neighbor." Ted: Well, that's cute. But she's not my neighbor, she's my doctor. So if you'll excuse me... Robin: Wait, Ted, Barney has a point. Remember what happened with me and curt down at the station? Marshall: Oh, yeah, and remember what happened with us and the gerards across the hall? Barney: Need i remind you about me and Wendy the waitress? Ted (combs his hair): yeah, i don't have time for this. I'm out the door as soon as i'm finished with my hair. Barney: good, then we've got a solid half hour. And in that time, we will convince you not to set foot out that door. It's a story older than time, my friend, and it always plays out in the same eight steps. Step 1: Attraction. [TITLE: ATTRACTION - November 2005- The bar- Barney/Robin/Lily/Marshall/Ted/Wendy the waitress] Barney: It's true. Marshall: That's not even possible. Barney: 12 of them. Marshall: There's no way. Wendy: Here's your gin and tonic. Barney: Thanks. wendy: O gosh! Look at that. (She leaves scrubing a stain in her shirt, Barney starves at her with interest) [December 2006 -The hall- Lily/Marshall - They gets out of their apartment] A man: Oh, hey! You must be our new neighbors. I'm Michael. A women: and i'm laura. Marshall: Oh, hi, welcome to the building. Yeah. Laura: Do you guys know any good brunch places around here? Lily: We love brunch! [October 2007 - set of Metro news 1 -Robin/a host] The host: You must be Robin. Robin: yeah! The host: Curt "the iron man" irons. I'm gonna be doing sports. Robin: Oh, welcome. You look really familiar. Are you a former athlete? Curt: Hockey. Barney (off voice): The attraction is instant and undeniable. [Present- The apartment] Barney: But you know better. You've seen your friends make the same mistakes before. You've laughed smugly at them.(laughs) Idiots! But still, you think, "this is different. The platinum rule doesn't apply to me." And that step 2! Bargaining. [TITLE: BARGAINING- 2007- The bar- All] Robin: I think i've got a little crush on our sports guy. All: NO! no, no, don't do it! Robin: I know, i know but he used to play hockey, and i'm canadian. I can't help it. If he were missing some teeth, i probably would have already hit that. Lily: Robin, it's a mistake. Remember what happened with me and Marshall? The Gerards across the hall? [2006- The bar- All] Lily: Michael and LAura. They're awesome. We're gonna invite them over for dinner. The others: Oh no, no guys guys! Are you insane? Ted: This is NYC.You don't get close to the neighbors. You nod at them politely in the hall. You call the cops if you haven't seen them in a while and you smell something funny, and that is it. Lily: we're not gonna date them. We're just gonna be friends with them. Barney: That's the couples version of dating. Robin: And you've got the couples version of the hots for them. Oh, yeah, you want to browse at pottery barn with them. You want to go antiquing with them, don't you? Oh, yeah, you want to antique the crap out of them. Barney: Need i remind you what happened with me and Wendy the waitress? [2005- The bar- All] Barney: I've decided to seduce Wendy the waitress. The others: No! Don't do it! Barney: Request denied! What rule is there that say's i can't seduce the waitress at my favorite bar? Lily: I don't know. I'd expect you to have one already. Robin: Yeah, with some sort of catchy name. Barney: Well, i don't. I don't have one and i never will be because it's a great idea. Come on, guys! She's gullible. I'm bored. We're perfect for each other. Ted: Barney, we love this bar. If you screxw over Wendy the waitress, you're going to kill the bar. Robin: Bar killer. Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude. Barney: yeah, well... I think it'll be okay. [2006- The bar- All] Barney (to Marshall and Lily): And it was a huge mistake. Marshall: yeah, well, i think it'll be okay. [2007- The bar] Lily (to Robin): And it was a huge mistake. Robin: yeah, well... I think it'll be okay. [Present day- The apartment] Robin: And it was a huge mistake. Ted: yeah, well... I think it'll be okay. [How i met your mother - Credits] Barney: Ted, trust me. You don't want to do this. Ted: Look, Stella and i are adults; we're both smart, mature people capable of making good decisions. Robin: You have a butterfly tramp stamp. Ted: We're just seeing a movie. If it seems at all weird, i'll back off. Barney: That's what everyone thinks and then along comes step 3: Submission. [TITLE: SUBMISSION- Closing of the bar- Barney/Wendy the waitress] Barney: Good night! Wendy: Hey Barney! Carl had to take off. You mind giving me a hand? Barney: Not at all. [Set of metro news 1- Robin/Curt] Curt: Robin! I got 2 tickets to the rangers. Center ice. Want to go? [The hall of the appartment- Marshall/Lily/Laura&Michael] Laura: and then we discover the movers lost all our kitchen boxes. We don't have a single pot or pan. Michael: Guess we're ordering take-out. Lily: Want to have dinner with us tonight? [Barney kisses Wendy/ Robin and Curt are in the hockey match/ Lily&Marshall cook with Laura&Michael/ Barney and wendy have sx on the bar/ The 2 couples play mime/ Robin kisses Curt] [Barney and Wendy, just after they had sx] Wendy: That was an intersting use of the beverage gun. Barney: Club soda can get anything off. Wendy: It finally happened, all this time, every drink i brought you... I always felt there was this unspoken connection between us. And i was right! Barney: hey, can i get a gin and tonic? [Present day- the apartment] Ted: See, i bet you didn't pay for that gin and tonic. Barney: oh, i paid for it. Ted: But you got to admit, there is an upside to breaking the platinum rule. Like maybe as her boyfrien, i could get a discount on treatments. Barney: Oh, Ted, of course there's an upside. At first, that's step 4: Perks. [TITLE: PERKS- 2007 The bar] Robin: we can split a cab to work together. We always have a standing lunch date. And last night, at the hockey game, Curt got us into the locker room, and i met Mason Raymond. Left wing for the Vancouver canucks. Barney: What the opposite of name-dropping? Robin: Damn it you guys, be psyched. Yes, we see each other every day, but i think it's going really well. Lily: That's what we thought. [2006 - The bar] Lily: And it's so conveniant. They're right across the hall. Say it's sunday and we want to have a brunch double date with someone. Marshall: We just go across the hall. Lily: And say we want to have a dinner party exploring the wine and cuisine of France's Loire Valley. Marshall: We just go across the hall. Lily: Say we want to play a game of charades... (Marshall mimes something) Barney (guessing): you just go across the hall? (Marshall agreed) Lily: Come on people, get excited for us! We've got a great thing going here. Barney: That's what i thought. [2005 - The bar] Marshall: Dude, you got to flick it. Barney: you don't have... (Wendy the waitress comes and serves food to Barney) Wendy: Hi, sweetie. I had the kitchen whip these up, no charge. (They kiss) Okay. Bye. I mean, not bye. I'm not leaving. I'll be over there. okay. (She leaves) Barney: Come on, guys, free nachos. What? Ted: We like this bar. Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude. Ted: Barney, we love this bar. Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude. Ted: This bar is like home to us. Marshall(at the same time): Don't kill the bar. Lily: You're killing the bar. Barney: I'm not killing the bar. Wendy the waitress has seen how i operate in this place. It is perfectly clear to everyone involved that this is nothing more than a temporary fling. (Wendy starves him, lovely) It's fiiine. [2006 - The bar] Barney (to Lily and Marshall): But it wasn't. Marshall: It's fine. [2007 -The bar] Lily (to Robin): But it wasn't. Robin: It's fine. [Present day -the appartment] Robin: But it wasn't. Barney: Which brings us to step 5: THE TIPPING POINT. [SCENE_BREAK] [TITLE: THE TIPPING POINT- set of metro news 1- Curt/Robin] Curt:...but he should be back on the mound by spring training and that's sport. Back to you, Robin. Robin: Thanks iron man we'll be right back. Productor: and clear. Robin: So you want to do something later? Curt: Oh, so you're talking to me now? Robin: What are you talking about? Curt: I'm talking about last night. You said you'd call and you didn't. I missed you and i waited up, but you didn't call. That really hurts. Robin: oh, um, i'm sorry, i-i guess i just forgot. Curt: I'm sorry Sweetie. I don't want to fight tonight. It's our first weekiversary. (he hugs her) [2005- The bar- Barney/Ted/Marshall] Marshall: on my suggestion, you... (Barney looks at a girl) Barney: hey, Wendy, uh, do me a favor and send a glass of champagne to that pretty young girl over there. Wendy: What? (Ted and Marshall starve Barney, anxious) Barney: over there... YOU... you're the pretty young thing...is what i meant. Champagne? Would you? on me. Wendy: Oh, okay, thanks sweetie. (She kisses him) Barney: okay. All right. [2006- The apartment- Lily/Marshall- They want to go out, lily opens the door] Michael: hey, neighbors. Laura: We bought all the fixings for a mexican fiesta. Lily: um, well, we actually have tickets... Michael: and no fiesta would be complete without Marshall: Dude, actually, we made other plans, so... okay (Michael mimes) one word. 2 syllables. Sounds like... parades: charades. Michael: charades! Laura: What do you say? [3 plans on the same time: Curts hugs Robin on the set/ Lily&Marshall sit down the couch, looking the couple mime/ Barney and Wendy at the bar] All: Oh no! [Present day- The apartment] Barney: which brings to step 6. Ted: Yeah, listen i'm leaving so if you want to write the rest of these down, i will read it tomorrow. (Ted wants to go out, Barney stops him) Barney: Don't do this Ted. Ted: You want to get out of the way? Ted: Don't do this Ted. Don't (He brushes his hair in a mess) Ted: Dude! ya! It was perfect! You're such a jerk! Barney: Which brings us to step 6. You finally realize you've made a huge mistake and now you have to live with it. Step 6 is called purg... wait for it. Keep waiting. Keep waiting for the eternity only to dicover there's no escap-atory. [TITLE: PURGATORY - 2007 - The bar- All] Robin: God, i'm such an idiot. Marshall: yeah. Robin: Curt "the iron man" irons keeps leaving me love notes on post-its. On the teleprompter, on my desk, on the coffee-maker, on the jar of sugar packets next to the coffee-maker. Lily (reads a post-it): "here's some sugar for my sugar." Robin: The iron man. oh! Marshall: I remember that. [2006- The bar- All] Marshall: Ro! we are such idiots! Barney: Yeah! Lily: Every time we step out the door, they're out there waiting for us. Sometimes, we'll send Ted out first as a scout. Nobody's there. Then we'll go out one second later, and there they are. Marshall: It's freakin' supernatural. Are they ghosts? Can only we see them? Lily: "Hey neighbor!" "Hey, neighbor""Hey neighbor." Barney: I remember that. [2005 -The bar- All] Barney: How could you guys let me date Wendy the waitress? All: oh you are kidding me?! What?! Marshall: Don't kill the bar dude! Lily (same time): We said "don't do it!" Barney: tss (He looks at a girl but Wendy is right behind, she smiles, he looks desperate) My own bar. I can't hit on women in my own bar. Remember the old Barney? He was a lion, the king of the jungle, stalking whatever prey he chose, going in for the kill. Ted: You've got a whole meat locker at home full of corpses, don't you? Barney: Now look at me. Declawed. Neutered. What was once my jungle is now my zoo and i am forced to mate with the same old lioness again, and again, and again while families pay to watch. Ted: yeah, this metaphor's really falling apart. Barney: Put a bell around my neck and scratch my belly kids, for i am just a docile housecat now. Miaou! Lily: Well, we love this bar. You can't dump her. Marry her if you have to. Robin: Wendy the waitress hyphen Stinson. Marshall: don't kill the bar dude. [Present day- The apartment] Barney: And so, inevitably, you have to do the thing you've been dreading all along. Now, a relationship-ectomy is a delicate surgery as it is, but in the case of the platinum rule, it takes a very, very steady hand, and that's step 7: CONFRONTATION. [TITLE: CONFRONTATION- set of metro news 1] Robin: Curt, we need to talk. I like you... [The hall- Lily/Marshall/the couple] Marshall: guys, we like you a lot... [The bar -Barney/Wendy] Barney: I don't like you. Robin: We're pretending this works, but it doesn't. And i'm getting a little sick of the whole charade. Lily: We're getting a little sick of charades. Barney: I mean, i don't like you that way. I used to like you that way but now that i've seen everything there is to see, i don't know, i kind of want to see those same parts just on other girls. Robin: So maybe we could go back to just being coworkers. Marshall: Maybe we should just go back to being neighbors. Barney: other girls and you, if you're into that but the other girls have to be there, too. That's the important part. Wendy: Gosh, you're just terrified of ever getting close to anyone, aren't you? Barney: or that. Let's say it's that. So can i get a gin and tonic? [Present day] Barney: And in any other relationship, that would be it. End of story. But because you have to see this person again, there's a step 8: FALLOUT. [TITLE: FALLOUT- set of metro news one] Robin: And now, here's Curt "the iron man" irons with sports. Curt? (he's demoralized) Curt? Curt: Well, the Knicks lost. It's sad, really. They had a real shot. Then, out of nowhere, game over. And why? Why Robin? Robin: Uh, well, their perimeter shooting has been a little bit off this season... Curt: The knicks lost because they were afraid of getting hurt. So they didn't even try. Well, you know what i think? I think the knicks didn't deserve my love to begin with. Kincks suck! (He gets out, on tears) Robin: And that's sports. [camera looks inside the boudha of the apartment] Lily: Do you see anything? Marshall: I think we're clear. Lily: ok go go go. (They go out but the door of the Gerards opens, they gets in quickly) Marshall: That was close. Lily: Too close. (Someone knocks on the door) You've got to be kidding me. What do we do? Marshall: I have no idea. (it knocks again) Ted: guys, are you here? I forgot my keys. Can you open up? Lily: It's just Ted! Marshall: Wait! (He looks at the judha: Ted is alone) Ted: Hello? Guys? (Marshall looks again and see the Gerards go out their apartment) Marshall: Baby, we only have one choice. Lily: Okay, hurry! (They come down to the rescue ladder) Michael and Laura are probably... Laura: Hey, neighbors. [The bar] Wendy: Barney, i just want you to know, i have no hard feelings. It wasn't the best idea for us to get involved. I hope we can still be friends. Barney: Thanks Wendy. Of course we can. Wendy: If you need anything else, let me know. Ted: waouh. I've got to hand it to Wendy the waitress that was very mature of her. Barney: She's gonna try to kill me. This is poisoned. Ted: What? You're being ridiculous. Barney: Yours is poisoned too. She's trying to kill me and everyone close to me. Ted: What are you talking about? Barney: Ted! Look at the facts. I dump her and she says "no hard feelings". She's a psycho! What other explanation is there? Ted: Uh, that you're letting yourself believe she's crazy so you don't have to face the far more likely possibility that she doesn't want to date you either? Barney: Where did Marshall get that hamburger? Ted: I don't know, i guess Wendy the Waitress brought it to him. Barney (in slow motion, comes towards Marshall): Noooooooo! (He throws his hamburger away) Marshall: Dude. Barney: You're welcome. [Present day] Robin: Wait a second. You've been sitting here, pretending to be the expert on all this, but the truth is, this was no real fallout from your breakup at all? Barney: Yet. Robin: You're an idiot. Ted: All right, i'm taking off. Barney: What? Ted: I have a date. (Barney brushes Ted's hair in a mess) Ted: You're such a jerk! Barney: Ted, have you not been listening? Attraction, bargaining, submission, perks, tipping point, purgatory, confrontation, fallout! These things will all happen to you as surely as they happened to all of us! It's a rule of nature. Ted: Well, i'm sick of all the rules! There's too many of them! The hot/crazy scale, the lemon law, the platinum rule! If everyone in the world followed every one of your rules, the human race would cease to exist. Yes chances are to Stella and I are not going to live happily ever after the overwhelming odds have it ending badly. And when that happens, it'll be for one of a million possible reasons. But that doesn't mean i'm not gonna try. And when it does fail, so help me god, it's not gonna be because of some rule. (He watches himself in th mirror) PS: you just made my hair look awesome. Good night. (He leaves) Narrator: So Stella and i went on our date. But here's the funny thing: turns out, it wasn't actually a date. [TITLE: 3 hours later- The apartment- All] Marshall: So what do you mean "it wasn't a date"? Ted: She thought we were seeing a movie just as friends. Marshall: Why would she think that? Robin: Did she see your tattoo and assume you were gay? Ted: Apparently, there's a rule that says i can't date Stella. Barney: Exactly, the platinum rule. Stella reads my blog. Ted: No, this rule comes from the american medical association. Doctors aren't legally allowed to date their patients. Lily: Oh, sorry Ted. Ted: It's okay. What are you guys watching? Narrator: So that was the end of the story between me and Stella, at least for the time being. But i don't know, looking back on the platinum rule, i think there's a ninth step. We'll call it coexistence. It's the moment you realize that all that anger and resentment just isn't useful. [Set metro news one] Robin: Thanks for watching. Curt: Good night. Narrator: and you start to let go of it. [The hall] Marshall&Lily (to Michael&Laura): Hey guys! Lily: So what do you guys have going on tonight? Laura: We're going to have a few friends over. Michael: gonna play some charades. Marshall: Have fun. Narrator: And move on with your life. [The bar- All] Narrator: It just takes a while. (Wendy comes to the table and offers a drink to Barney): On the house. Barney: Thanks. (She leaves and he throws the drink) Crazy! END.
doc_293	[CHARMED LOGO: TRIQUETRA] HOLLY MARIE COMBS (NARRATOR): Previously, on 'Charmed' ... FLASH TO: [Scenes from 8X01: Still Charmed and Kicking] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- DAY] (Phoebe throws something into the potions pot. The contents explode.) PHOEBE: Viola! New identities. VICTOR BENNETT: How is it you can see your other selves reflected in the mirror? PHOEBE: It's part of the spell. [MIRROR'S REFLECTION] (They all look at their reflection in the mirror. They see their 'new' selves.) PIPER: You know, this just might work. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN DOOR - DAY] (Phoebe and Paige peer out the kitchen door. Phoebe's looking at Dex Lawson.) PAIGE: Who is he? PHOEBE: I don't know his name. It's some guy that I used to see in the elevator all the time at work. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - ELEVATOR - DAY] (Phoebe introduces her new self to Dex Lawson.) PHOEBE: I'm Julie, Phoebe's cousin. DEX LAWSON: Dex. Dex Lawson. PHOEBE: Dex Lawson. Nice to meet you, Dex. DEX LAWSON: You, too. (They shake hands. Phoebe has a premonition.) (Quick premonition of: [EXT. MANOR - FRONT PORCH - DAY] Phoebe is in a wedding dress; Dex is in a tux. And they're kissing. They look at each other and smile.) (Dex carries Phoebe over the threshold and into the house.) (End of premonition. Resume to present.) TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL - NIGHT] (A new girl is fighting three demons. Paige shouts a warning to the new girl.) PAIGE: Behind you! PIPER: Shh! (Billie turns and throws the athame at Haas who flames out. The athame misses him.) (Billie quickly runs out the front door, disappearing into the night.) HAAS: (v.o.) It could be ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. UNDERWORLD] HAAS: ... that The Charmed Ones are still alive. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF PREVIOUSLY ON. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - UPSTAIRS BATHROOM - DAY] (Piper brushes her teeth.) PIPER: What if a demon attacks while I'm out? LEO: (o.s.) They're not going to attack, all right? They think you're dead. PIPER: No, I don't mean here, I mean anywhere, in general. (Leo walks into the bathroom.) LEO: What do you mean, like anywhere around the city? (She spits into the sink.) PIPER: Yeah. What am I supposed to do, just ignore it? (Leo looks at his reflection and notices how short he is compared to Piper.) LEO: I should've gone taller. I always wanted to be taller. PIPER: Are you listening to me? LEO: Yes. Just ignore it. Why'd you go blonde? PIPER: I don't know. I didn't have a lot of time to think about it. Besides, I kind of like it. (Paige walks into the bathroom.) PAIGE: (moans) Leo, the jingling is back. Can you help me get rid of it? LEO: Just ignore it. PIPER: That's his advice for the day. Excuse me. (Piper walks out of the bathroom. Paige curls her eye lashes while Leo continues to try to make himself taller.) PAIGE: I can't ignore it. It's relentless. What does that little witch want anyway? LEO: I don't know. Maybe she doesn't even know she's calling you. You know, sometimes new charges don't. Sometimes it's just subliminal. PAIGE: How am I supposed to get my life back, then? (Phoebe walks into the bathroom.) PHOEBE: Your life? What about my life? PAIGE: What about it? (Phoebe sits up on the sink counter.) PHOEBE: How am I supposed to marry a guy I just met in an elevator? PAIGE: Excuse me, but I was obsessing first. (Piper returns to the bathroom with her lip gloss.) PIPER: No, no, no. Excuse me. No, actually I was. PHOEBE: I think marrying a complete stranger wins. I mean, he doesn't even know who I really am. PIPER: Ok, but he's a really, really cute stranger. And, you know what, guys, do you mind? PAIGE: At least he's not driving you crazy. LEO: Maybe you should try meditating. PHOEBE: I just got my life back. I don't want to get hitched yet. PIPER: There's nothing wrong with getting hitched. Now, guys, really, okay? Back to my life. PAIGE: Maybe I should go to Magic School to get rid of it. PHOEBE: I mean, he is cute and all. PAIGE: But then again, you know, I could risk exposure. PHOEBE: I don't even know what he does. (Piper whistles loudly, startling everyone silent.) PIPER: Family meeting now! (Piper leaves the bathroom.) PAIGE: If she didn't want to go to Magic School, all she had to do was tell me. PHOEBE: You're in trouble. PAIGE: What to do? (Everyone steps out of the bathroom.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- DAY] (Haas walks through the hallway. He pushes the damaged double doors open and steps into the Great Hall. The Great Hall is damaged - furniture overturned and broken, paper litters the floor. He meets up with other demons.) BLACK HEART: It's abandoned. No one's here. Although they could still be invisible. This is magic school after all. HAAS: No. The magic here is all ours now. BLACK HEART: Are you sure? HAAS: Hah! (Haas throws a power ball at the large column. It explodes, leaving large black scorch marks on the structure.) HAAS: Hyah! (He throws another power ball at the table, splitting it clear in two.) HAAS: Hah! (He throws another power ball at the desk across the room, damaging the books stacked on it.) (Nothing happens. He turns and looks at Black Heart.) HAAS: Positive. (Haas smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM -- DAY] (Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo meet for a family meeting. Piper is pacing the floor as she talks.) PIPER: Okay, people, we got to get a grip here. Otherwise, what are we doing? We might as well just go back to fighting demons again. PAIGE: Even if they think we're dead? PIPER: It was a rhetorical question. PAIGE: No, it wasn't. PIPER: Paige! PAIGE: What? LEO: Look, I think the point is that we need to take it slow, you know, be patient. PHOEBE: Yeah, well, tell that to my premonition. PAIGE: And my stupid charge. (Piper whistles loudly, startling everyone silent.) PHOEBE: Ohh. Uhh. PIPER: Don't even start. LEO: You know, you're gonna be late. PAIGE: Late for what? PIPER: My spa day. I'm supposed to be having a facial and a massage and a seaweed wrapping thing. PAIGE: I'm so jealous. PIPER: Well, it was Phoebe's idea. We were watching "sx and the City" and ... PHOEBE: Speaking of which, did Carrie ever have to marry a man that she did not know, huh? LEO: Carrie? PAIGE: Don't ask. They're on "sx and the City" again. PHOEBE: Yeah. No. The answer is no. She did not. (She picks up the DVD case and looks at it wistfully.) Why can't we live our lives like they did? PAIGE: Uh, didn't one of them sleep around a lot? PHOEBE: No. She was a free spirit, which, by the way, can only happen when you're free. (Piper whistles loudly, again.) PHOEBE: (annoyed) God, is that really necessary? PIPER: Apparently. Look. Okay. Nobody said this was gonna be easy. We need to get a little perspective here. How bad can things be when we don't have demons to worry about anymore? (Phoebe grudgingly nods in agreement.) Thank you. Look. (to Paige) You, you need to focus on something else. You got to get that charge off your mind. PAIGE: Well, people, I am open to suggestions. PIPER: Do what Gram said. Get out there. Ignore the signs of your old life and look for signs that lead you to your new life. Try anything. (Piper whirls around to Phoebe.) PIPER: And you, you're all about signs. So, isn't that exactly what a vision is anyway? PHOEBE: Yeah, but -- PIPER: (warns) Don't make me whistle. Last year you had a premonition that you were gonna have a daughter, which means then this year you're gonna have to have a little sx and get pregnant. And since Dex, which coincidentally rhymes with sx, could be the father ... PHOEBE: God. PIPER: Look. I suggest you get to know him ... well and fast. Because this may be the one sign you can't ignore. All right? Everybody good? People? Great. See you later. (Piper heads out. Leo and Paige head upstairs. Phoebe sits in her seat gazing at the "sx and the City" DVD cover.) PHOEBE (THINKING): (v.o.) Maybe Piper's right. I mean, if there's one thing we've learned, it's that we're being guided ... and signs always lead the way. The question is, where do you start looking for them? (Piper returns and walks across the main hall to the front door.) PIPER: Start with Dex. See if you even like him. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL - DAY] (Haas throws a book down on the floor on top other books. The Great Hall is completely trashed.) BLACK HEART: Isn't the fact that we could take this place over proof enough that The Charmed Ones are really dead? HAAS: Unless they're in hiding. BLACK HEART: They would not leave magic school unprotected, or leave its powers for us to take. HAAS: Perhaps not, but then again, that's the mystery we're trying to solve. Isn't it? Speaking of which, any progress on that front? BLACK HEART: We've lured three teenagers so far, turned them all, and yet no sign of the witches. HAAS: They won't be able to ignore the cries for long. If the sisters are alive, they will come to the rescue. It's in their blood. BLACK HEART: Unless your plan is too obscure for them to notice. (Haas finds a book and picks it up.) BLACK HEART: Maybe you give them too much credit. HAAS: Demons have used mortal fairy tales to trap them before. (He opens the book.) HAAS: It's in the textbooks - (He gives Black Heart the book.) -- how Cinderella nearly turned The Charmed Ones into pumpkins. Humans are raised on these insidious tales. They tap into universal themes, common emotions, fears. That's why we can lure the victims so easily. Don't worry. Sooner or later, The Charmed Ones will follow, and when they do, we will have them. BLACK HEART: But what if they don't take the bait? What if they live no more? HAAS: Well, then we mess up a few kids. And that's fun all by itself, isn't it? (They both laugh.) HAAS: Time to find our next "Alice". [SCENE_BREAK] PHOEBE: (v.o.) Signs, of course, can be good or bad. But they should never be ignored. [EXT. UNIVERSITY (STOCK) - DAY] TAYLOR: (v.o.) I'm telling you, something really weird's going on. [INT. CAMPUS - BILLIE'S DORM ROOM - DAY] (Billie is putting on her make-up as Taylor talks to her.) TAYLOR: I mean, come on, why aren't the cops doing something about this? It's totally whacked. BILLIE JENKINS: I don't know. They probably think it's just drugs or something. TAYLOR: It's not drugs. No way. This is something way more scary, but they just don't care. BILLIE JENKINS: Nobody cares. We're teenagers. TAYLOR: No, that girl Allyson just turned twenty. BILLIE JENKINS: Who's Allyson? TAYLOR: Allyson. The sorority chick that went missing, then was later found walking around like her hard drive had just been erased. BILLIE JENKINS: Her hard drive? TAYLOR: This isn't funny, Billie. This is serious. Some creep's out there preying on kids like us, and nobody's doing jack about it. Don't you even care? BILLIE JENKINS: Actually, what I care about right now is not being late for metaphysics, which I'm failing. (Billie gets up and picks up her backpack.) TAYLOR: Unbelievable. Whatever. All I got to say is that somebody better do something before anyone else gets hurt. (Taylor leaves.) (Billie drops her backpack down on her bed and closes the door. She goes to her desk drawer and takes out three newspaper clippings. The headlines read, "Missing Teen Found," "College Woman Missing," and "Missing Teen Found, Catatonic.") (Billie's been following the missing teens story.) (She picks up her athame in the desk drawer and fiddles with it as she thinks about it.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) Signs don't always mean what we think they do. They can, after all, be confusing, ... [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BAY MIRROR (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - HALLWAY/ ELEVATOR - DAY] PHOEBE: (v.o.) ... especially in today's world where we're constantly bombarded by them. Still it's up to us to interpret them the best way we know how. It's called survival. (Phoebe presses the elevator button and waits. The elevator doors open and people walk out. Phoebe looks inside the elevator - looking for Dex. She doesn't step on the elevator. The man standing in front looks at her.) MAN IN ELEVATOR: You goin' up? PHOEBE: Yeah. But ... not right now. It's okay. Go ahead. (The man in the elevator presses the button and the doors close.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) Unfortunately, waiting for just the right sign to come along can be frustrating, especially when you're in a hurry to conceive ... (Phoebe steps to the side and looks at her very different reflection in the glass covering the building directory.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) ... which is why sometimes you have to ... (The turns to the other elevator. It opens and Dex Lawson is standing inside. Phoebe smiles at him.) PHOEBE: Hi. DEX LAWSON: Hi. PHOEBE: (v.o.) ... help make the signs come to you. (Phoebe steps into the elevator.) PHOEBE: Uh, it's, uh, Dex. Right? DEX LAWSON: (nods) Yeah. That's right. And ... you're ... Julie? JULIE: You remembered. DEX LAWSON: How could I forget? [SCENE_BREAK] PHOEBE: (v.o.) On the other hand, some signs come to you even when you wish they wouldn't. [EXT. STREET - DAY] (A police car with flashing lights stops curbside. The officer gets out of the car.) (Paige is behind her steering wheel. She groans.) PAIGE: Great. Just great. (Paige engages the brakes and turns her engine off.) POLICE WOMAN: License and registration, please? PAIGE: What did I do? POLICE WOMAN: You rolled through a stop sign. (Paige gives her, her license and registration. The officer looks at it: CALIFORNIA DRIVER LICENSE 200I4209 EXPIRES: 11-17-? JOSEPHINE BENNET 1985 MANNING AVE. LOS ANGELES CA 90025 sx F HAIR BRN HT 5-09 WT 120 DOB 11-17-82 POLICE WOMAN: You from L.A.? PAIGE: Yeah. Yeah. Um ... my cousins died, so I just came up here to help out. POLICE WOMAN: Wow. Sorry. PAIGE: Well ...yeah. It's a little harder than I thought it would be, you know, adjusting to a new city ... and all. POLICE WOMAN: What'd you do before? PAIGE: You could say I helped people. POLICE WOMAN: Yeah? Maybe you should become a cop. (She chuckles as she looks at the officer's badge: SAN FRANCISCO POLICE 8675.) (She also notices the officer's arm patch, SAN FRANCISCO POLICE.) RADIO: All available units, code 2. Assist suspect search. 920 in Portero District. Over. POLICE WOMAN: Unit A-10. Roger that. ETA five minutes. Over. PAIGE: What's a 920? POLICE WOMAN: Missing person found. Probably another one of those kids. Looks like it's your lucky day. (She hands Paige's license and registration back to her.) PAIGE: Can I ask you a question? POLICE WOMAN: Make it fast. PAIGE: What do you like most about your job? POLICE WOMAN: Catching the bad guys. (The officer leaves as Paige smiles at that thought.) [SCENE_BREAK] (CC) PHOEBE: (v.o.) And some signs, though seductive, should absolutely never be followed. [EXT. ALLEY - DAY] (Black Heart is wearing a cut t-shirt with WHITE RABBIT written on front with a rabbit logo. Behind her, a college student follows.) ALASTAIR: I thought you said we were going to a garden party of something. BLACK HEART: We are, Alastair. We are. ALASTAIR: Yeah? You ... sure this is the way? BLACK HEART: You don't want to be late, do you? ALASTAIR: Well, no, but -- BLACK HEART: Because ... we're very, very late. ALASTAIR: Late for what? Look, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Okay? I mean, I really don't even know you. (She grabs his shirt and kisses him.) BLACK HEART: Promised you an adventure, didn't I? It's down there. (She points to a black hold in the ground.) ALASTAIR: What's down there? BLACK HEART: See for yourself. (He hesitates.) Come on. Aren't you the least bit curious? (He leans forward and he is sucked into the black hole.) (Black Heart looks down and smiles. Footsteps approach.) (She black orbs out just as Billie enters the alleyway. She doesn't see anyone. She sighs and removes her shades.) (She looks down and sees a rat scurrying across the ground.) BILLIE JENKINS: Rats. [INT. SEWERS - DAY] (Down in the sewers below, Alastair looks up at the grill above and calls out for help.) ALASTAIR: Help! Anybody! (He looks around.) ALASTAIR: Where am I? (Haas and Black Heart appear.) HAAS: You're down the rabbit hole. Alastair in Wonderland. Close enough. (Haas smiles at Alastair.) [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BAY MIRROR (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. DEX'S STUDIO -- DAY] (Dex shows Phoebe his various sculptures.) DEX LAWSON: This one I got the inspiration for a few years ago while I was, uh, flying over Africa. I was looking out the window, you know, painfully aware of the struggles below me, and yet I was up in the clouds feeling at peace. It's, uh, supposed to remind us of the delicate balance between, you know, life -- good, evil ... agony, ecstasy. All that. All my work is ... uh, you know, life's precious. It's supposed to be enjoyed in the moment. After all, that's all we really have, isn't it? PHOEBE: Hmm. I tend to live too much in the future. I can't help it, though. It's in my blood. Anyway, it's -- it's great. I mean, it's all great. DEX LAWSON: Thank you. PHOEBE: Everything is great. And here I thought all this time you were a lawyer or something. DEX LAWSON: But I thought you just got to town after Phoebe died. PHOEBE: Oh, yeah. You know. I -- I did. It's ... just that's what Phoebe ... said. Uh, that's what she said that you did. You know ... (She takes a deep breath to stop talking.) It's all very sad. DEX LAWSON: Oh, um ... I'm sure it must be hard. PHOEBE: But life goes on. Right? Isn't that the lesson in all of this? (She motions to the art sculptures around them.) DEX LAWSON: Well, I don't know about lesson, but, uh -- PHOEBE: No, really. It's one I can stand to learn. I've actually often said that the worst part of modern technology is ... the way it robs you of the found moments ... you know, those little discoveries ... even intimacy. (He looks at her.) PHOEBE: What? DEX LAWSON: I was just thinking that ... that's exactly what Phoebe once said. PHOEBE: Really? That's ... odd. DEX LAWSON: I--I mean wrote, uh, in her advice column. That was, like, verbatim. PHOEBE: Well. I don't know. It must run in the family, huh? DEX LAWSON: Yeah, it must. PHOEBE: You really read her column, didn't you? (He nods.) DEX LAWSON: Would you like to go get a cup of coffee? PHOEBE (THINKING): (v.o.) It's not dinner ... or lunch, even. But it's not bad. PHOEBE: I'd love to. (Phoebe and Dex walk out.) PHOEBE (THINKING): (v.o.) When you're in a hurry, you can't be too picky about the signs. As long as it causes a few sparks, what more can you ask for? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. P-3 - DAY] (The neon P-3 sign blinks, sparks, then surges and sparking sending the entire club into darkness.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) Unfortunately, not every spark is a positive one. [BACK OF THE CLUB NEAR CIRCUIT BOX] (In the darkness, we hear a voice.) BUD (ELECTRICIAN): Uh-oh. PIPER: Uh-oh. What do you mean, "uh-oh"? Is that bad? (The electrician flicks on his flashlight and looks at the circuit box.) BUD (ELECTRICIAN): Uh, I think your transformer's shot. PIPER: Well, ok. Fix it. (He turns and looks at Piper.) BUD (ELECTRICIAN): Well, I can't. You need a new one. PIPER: Well, can you go get a new one and replace it? BUD (ELECTRICIAN): Well, it has to be ordered. Could take couple of days. PIPER: A couple of days? I don't have a couple of days. This is a night club. We've got music and lights and credit card machines. I need electricity. BUD (ELECTRICIAN): Wish I could help you. But, uh ... I couldn't even get an inspector out here before tomorrow anyway. PIPER: An inspector? What inspector? For what? BUD (ELECTRICIAN): Well, it has to be done to code. You want to wait here while I give him a call? PIPER: No, I don't want to wait here. I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be getting a manicure and a pedicure and a facial and something else! (She sighs as he stares unsympathetically back at her.) PIPER: You don't really care, do you? BUD (ELECTRICIAN): I'm just an electrician, ma'am. PIPER: (sighs) All right. You know what? "Bud" ... is it? I don't really care. Okay? Do whatever it takes. Get some solar panels, rent a generator, whatever. But you know what? I need to have a little itty bit of light. Okay? Just a little teeny tiny teeny light! Is that ok with you?! (He stares unsympathetically back at her.) PIPER: Ahem! Sorry. (He puts the clipboard in front of her.) BUD (ELECTRICIAN): Sign, please? PIPER: Yeah. (Piper takes the pen and signs.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) Of course, in the cosmic scheme of things, signs tend to balance each other out. BUD (ELECTRICIAN): Got enough light? (She finishes signing it and hands both pen and clipboard back to Bud.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) For instance, when one says "closed" ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE ACADEMY - RECRUITING OFFICE - DAY] (CLOSE-UP: The poster on the wall has a large slogan, "Join the Force.") PHOEBE: (v.o.) ... another says "come on in." (Paige stands in front of the poster, staring at it.) RECRUITMENT OFFICER: Can I help you? PAIGE: Oh! Uh, hi. I'm just checking stuff out for a friend. RECRUITMENT OFFICER: Oh. Does he want to become a police officer? PAIGE: She, actually, and I think she's exploring her options. RECRUITMENT OFFICER: I see. Well, she couldn't have picked a more noble profession. Does she have any background in law enforcement? PAIGE: Unofficially. She was a social worker, and, um, she'd made an awful lot of citizen's arrests. RECRUITMENT OFFICER: Well, yeah. It's one thing to carry a pen, quite another to carry a gun. (Paige shrugs.) RECRUITMENT OFFICER: Have you ever fired a gun? PAIGE: Me? No. I mean, but this is about my - RECRUITMENT OFFICER: (interrupts) Your friend, yeah. Uh, look, don't take this wrong way, okay? But I can tell by looking at you you don't have what this takes. PAIGE: Excuse me? RECRUITMENT OFFICER: We're looking for serious, committed-minded young people, and I'm the guy that has to weed out the crazies, the nazis, and the attractive divorcees who might otherwise waste the tax payers' hard-earned money. PAIGE: You obviously don't know who you're talking to. RECRUITMENT OFFICER: Well, don't take offense, ma'am. The fact is we only take the very best of the best, and that does not currently include anyone worried about breaking a nail. PAIGE: You know what? How dare you prejudge me? You don't know the first thing about me. For all you know, I could've saved the world like a hundred times over. RECRUITMENT OFFICER: Of course, yes. Uh, good day. PAIGE: No, you know what? I know you don't think I can do this, Mr. 6-foot-4- big-guy, but I'll tell you what. I'll bet I could take you. RECRUITMENT OFFICER: Sure you could, lady, sure. PAIGE: Let me try. RECRUITMENT OFFICER: Do yourself a favor. Leave now. (Paige refuses to move.) RECRUITMENT OFFICER: Look. I don't have time for this crap. (He glares at her, then charges at her. Paige grabs his arm and flips him completely over. The recruitment officer lands flat on his back.) RECRUITMENT OFFICER: (groans) Huh. Application's on the desk. (Paige crosses her arms smugly at him, then turns to look at the desk behind her for that application form.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEY -- DAY] (A fluffy, white bunny moves along the alley floor.) ALEXIS: (o.s.) Bunny! Here, bunny, bunny! (Alexis appears on screen as she chases after the white rabbit.) ALEXIS: Here, bunny, bunny! (She sees the white rabbit and follows it as it heads deeper into the alley.) ALEXIS: Oh, bunny, don't be afraid. Bunny, I won't hurt you. (The white rabbit stops in front of the sewer grating.) (Suddenly, the white rabbit changes into Black Heart.) ALEXIS: Oh, my God. Sorry, Alexis. Try again. You ready for a wild ride? (She grabs Alexis and throws her into the sewer grating which magically sucks her down inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SPA - DAY] (The Manicurist is busy working on a customer's nails. She gossips as she works.) MANICURIST: Did you hear? They found another one. Boy this time. Alastair I think his name was. Another "A" name. I'm telling you, it's just like that Agatha Christie novel, that alphabet murders. Remember that? (Behind the partitioned area of the spa, Piper sits in the chair with a mask on her face. She can hear the conversation clearly.) MANICURIST: I mean I know it's not murders in this case, but it might as well be. I mean those kids are coming back like zombies or something. Vegetables. God only knows what that sick pervert's doing to those poor kids. (Piper's phone rings.) MANICURIST: Uh, I'm sorry. (The curtain opens and the Manicurist looks at Piper.) No cell phones. PIPER: Sorry. Didn't mean to disturb you. (She answers it quietly.) (to phone) Hello? What? What? Leo, you locked yourself out of the house? With Wyatt? (groans) Oh, come on! All right, you know what? Fine. I'm on my way. I am on my way! (Piper grabs her bag and heads out - mud mask and all.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE ACADEMY - CLASSROOM - DAY] (The first class of police academy starts. The students are all dressed in uniform - including Paige.) TRAINING INSTRUCTOR: Welcome, cadets. You've chosen to become one of the few and the proud, a San Francisco city police officer. Over the next several days, however, you will be screened for potentially disqualifying behavior. You will be asked to critically analyze a situation and determine an appropriate course of action. You will be expected to act assertively and without hesitation, but without overreacting. And you will be tested to see if you can make quick, responsible decisions under pressure. (He looks at Paige.) TRAINING INSTRUCTOR: Am I making myself clear? PAIGE: Perfectly. TRAINING INSTRUCTOR: What's your name, cadet? PAIGE: Jo. Bennet. TRAINING INSTRUCTOR: I'm gonna keep an eye on you, Bennet. (The cute training instructor smiles at her. He continues.) TRAINING INSTRUCTOR: Making poor choices and failure to exhibit sound judgment in a crisis situation are all negative attributes that can and will disqualify you from this academy. (The instructor's voice fades into the background.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) Sometimes signs are so obvious only a fool could miss them, and Paige is no fool. CUE SOUND: WHITELIGHTER JINGLE (Paige gasps, grimaces and touches her temple.) PAIGE: Unh! Ooh! (The training instructor stops in front of Paige. She quickly puts her hand down.) PAIGE: Oh. Hi. TRAINING INSTRUCTOR: You all right? PAIGE: No. Yeah. Horrible migraine. I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to go. (Paige quickly runs out of the classroom.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) It's not easy starting new lives, following new signs, especially when the old ones keep getting in the way. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY] (Billie throws the athame at Black Heart. The athame misses her and embeds in the wall near her head.) BILLIE JENKINS: Aw, no fair. You moved! (Black Heart throws a power ball at Billie who moves in time for the ball to hit the trash bin. She tumbles forward just as Black Heart throws another power ball, missing her.) (She cartwheels back as Black Heart throws a third power ball, again missing her. She flips backward jumping and missing the fourth power ball that hits up above the garbage bin. She lands on top of the garbage bin as another power ball hits the bin.) (Black Heart gasps.) (Billie jumps down to the ground.) BILLIE JENKINS: What are you trying to do, kill me? (Black Heart glares at her.) CUE SOUND: ORBING (They both turn as Paige orbs into the alley.) BILLIE JENKINS: You again? (Black Heart black orbs out of the alley.) BILLIE JENKINS: Look what you did! I had her. PAIGE: Then why did you call for me ... again? BILLIE JENKINS: Um, I didn't call you. I don't even know you. PAIGE: Then maybe your inner witch does because ... sadly ... I'm your Whitelighter. BILLIE JENKINS: (shrugs) Whatever that means. (Billie rolls her eyes and hurries past Paige. Paige grabs her arm to stop her.) BILLIE JENKINS: Hey, let go of me! PAIGE: I can't. Not until I help you. BILLIE JENKINS: I don't need anybody's help. (Billie turns to leave. Paige orbs in front of her, blocking her path.) PAIGE: Well, you need my help whether you like it or not. BILLIE JENKINS: Are you a cop? PAIGE: No. BILLIE JENKINS: Good. Hyah! (Billie hits Paige. Paige blocks the punch and hits Billie back. Paige blocks Billie's kick, then deflects Billie's punch. The two fight and are evenly matched. Every punch Billie throws at Paige, she deflects.) (After a series of parrying, Paige hits Billie across the face, knocking off her sunglasses and black wig. Billie turns and looks at Paige.) PAIGE: You're a blonde? (Billie gets to her feet. She holds out her hand and the athame flies back to her handle first. She catches it, and flips it over.) (She takes off.) BILLIE JENKINS: See ya. (Billie leaves. Paige is stunned as she watches Billie leave.) (Nearby, a blonde-haired teenager gets up from the side of the alley. She looks at Paige.) ALICIA: Help! Somebody just tried to kidnap me. [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- DAY] (Paige sits down at the scrying table - Billie's black wig in one hand and the scrying crystal in the other. She immediately starts looking for the owner of the wig.) (Phoebe enters the attic carrying two cups with her.) PHOEBE: There you are! I got you your coffee drink. Vanilla non-fat latte, no whipped cream, right? (Phoebe puts the coffee tray with two cups of coffee in it on the scrying table.) PAIGE: Am I that predictable? PHOEBE: Well, everybody is when it comes to their coffee drink. (Phoebe giggles.) PHOEBE: Ohh. PAIGE: Oh, I take it it went well with Dex. PHOEBE: Oh, yes, it did. I mean, I'm not ready to marry the guy obviously yet, but, you know, I could do worse. Actually, you know, I've done worse before. PAIGE: Yeah, well, you maybe want to take it a little bit slow despite your premonition. PHOEBE: Do you know where Piper is? I got her a caramel macchiato. PAIGE: No, I don't. I just got home. (Phoebe realizes that Paige is scrying.) PHOEBE: Paige, are you scrying? You're not supposed to be scrying. PAIGE: Why don't you just go yell at my charge, okay? Because she won't leave me alone. (Phoebe notices the wig.) PHOEBE: So you scalped her? PAIGE: No, I did not. I was out and about when she called, and I found her fighting a demon. PHOEBE: Another one? PAIGE: Mm-hmm. (Phoebe sits down, suddenly interested.) PHOEBE: How'd she do? PAIGE: Not as good as she thought she did. But at least she saved an innocent. PHOEBE: An innocent? What innocent? PAIGE: One of those missing teens. At least she got to her before it was too late. I think if I can find that little witch, I can finally be done with all of this stuff. PHOEBE: By vanquishing the demon? PAIGE: It's the general idea. I don't want to be doing this, you know. PHOEBE: Paige, it's completely understandable that you miss your old life so much that -- PAIGE: I don't. Maybe a tiny, tiny little bit, but not enough to make me go back. Definitely not. This is just something I have to do. PHOEBE: Okay. Then I'll help you. PAIGE: No, no, no. I think the more of us that are involved, the more we risk exposure. I'm gonna be okay. PHOEBE: Okay. (Phoebe gets up to leave; Paige stops her.) PAIGE: Oh, oh, oh! Hey, the paper called for you. PHOEBE: Really? What did they want? PAIGE: Well, I think they want to talk to you, or cousin you, obviously. PHOEBE: I wonder what they wanted. PAIGE: Well, I think they just want some quotes from you. You know, the "Ask Phoebe" tribute and all. I don't think they'll figure anything out. I think you'll be okay. On the bright side, you'll get to see Dex again. (She makes kissy noises at Phoebe. Phoebe perks up, smiles, turns and heads out the attic.) (At the doorway, she stops and looks back at Paige.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) Signs can come at any time and from anywhere, ... (Paige is at the scrying table continuing to scry.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) ... but when you get one, you have no choice but to follow it, even if it leads you right into danger. (Phoebe turns to leave just as the scrying crystal hits the map. Paige looks at the map.) PAIGE: Heh! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- DAY] (Black Heart reports back to Haas.) HAAS: How could you let her get away? Every innocent counts, especially with who we're ultimately trying to lure. BLACK HEART: I didn't let her get away. A witch - HAAS: If you can't handle one lousy witch -- BLACK HEART: It wasn't just one! HAAS: What do you mean? BLACK HEART: I mean somebody else came to help. HAAS: Another witch? BLACK HEART: No. A Whitelighter. Probably hers. HAAS: Wasn't one of The Charmed Ones a Whitelighter? BLACK HEART: Half. Why? HAAS: Because maybe it wasn't just a Whitelighter who came to help. Maybe it was really her sister. BLACK HEART: That's impossible. Neither of them looked anything like -- HAAS: They wouldn't. They'd be in disguises. Magical disguises. Perhaps we're closer than we think. BLACK HEART: What if we are? How could we kill them when no other demon could? HAAS: We don't try. We can't. But what we can do is take them on the same wild ride as the others with the same inevitable result. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM -- DAY] (Piper is buried under her blankets.) PIPER: (muffled) I give up! It's no use. I quit. (Leo is standing by the doorway, his arms folded.) LEO: Quit? Quit what? What's the matter? PIPER: (muffled) Everything! I can't have a normal life when I can't even have a normal day! (Leo smiles and climbs onto the bed, his arms reaching under the blankets for Piper.) PIPER: (muffled) Not now, Leo! I'm not in the mood! (He lies down on the bed next to her.) LEO: (rolls his eyes) Oh, come on! Like that's what I want. Come on, just talk to me, okay? What is it? PIPER: (muffled) Nothing. (She pushes the blankets down.) It's just -- it's not what I expected, that's all. And every time I try to do something for myself, something comes along to mess it up. And aside from all the demon fighting, it's not that much different than it used to be. LEO: Look, I'm sorry I locked myself out of the house. Okay? PIPER: No, it's not that. That's not the point. (Piper gets up, stands up and steps over Leo as she gets out of bed.) PIPER: Just -- you know what? Forget it. (Leo sighs.) LEO: Look, this all just happened, okay? You're starting over. You have to be patient. Ok, trust me. It's gonna take some time. PIPER: Time? How much more time? I just lost all my twenties. How much more time do you want? LEO: What do you mean? PIPER: (sighs) I mean, it just ... feels like I just woke up and I misplaced a huge chunk of my life. I mean, it went by so fast. Seven years ago, I was fresh out of college, I was single, I was cooking, I was trying to become a chef, and then -- boom! Suddenly, "Hello! Hi! You're a witch. And by the way, so is your whole family," and we're saving innocents, then I'm somebody's wife, and then I'm somebody's mother and I'm somebody's boss and I'm somebody's something. And I just -- I don't know how to start over. I've been so many things for so long, I don't know who I am anymore. LEO: Well, I know who you are. (He smiles confidently at her. He stands up and walks over to her.) LEO: You're an amazing mom, and you're an amazing wife, and most importantly an amazing person. (He gently holds her - one hand on her cheek, the other hand around her waist.) PIPER: (quietly embarrassed) Stop. LEO: No. You are. But you can't sacrifice yourself for so many people and for so many years and not expect a transitional period. You have to be patient. PIPER: And what I do about the guilt? LEO: What guilt? PIPER: The guilt I feel when I know very bad things are happening out there, and I'm not doing anything about it. Like those missing kids. LEO: Well, bad things are always gonna happen, Piper. You know they happened long before you became a witch and they're gonna continue to happen long afterwards. But you've paid your dues. You've been selfless. Now it's time to be selfish. You deserve it. We all do. (Piper leans forward and holds on to Leo.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BAY MIRROR (STOCK) - DAY] CUE SOUND: (PRE-LAP) ELEVATOR BELL [INT. THE BAY MIRROR -- DAY] (The elevator doors open. Phoebe looks and smiles as she steps inside.) PHOEBE: We've gotta stop meeting like this. (Dex is there.) DEX LAWSON: Yeah? Who says? PHOEBE: (v.o.) Sometimes signs are subtle, easily missed, but if you're lucky enough to catch them, they tend to send you in the right direction. (Phoebe looks at the elevator directional green arrow pointing upward.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BILLIE'S DORM ROOM -- DAY] (The door opens and Billie returns to her room. She turns her light on.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) On the other hand, if you miss them, they can bite you in the ass big time. (She turns around and finds Paige sitting at her desk and holding the black wig in her hand.) (Paige stands up.) PAIGE: Drop something? (Billie sighs.) (busted.) [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BILLIE'S DORM ROOM -- DAY] (Paige opens the cabinet and tosses the wig inside. She closes the door and turns to talk with Billie.) PAIGE: Nice costume. Where'd you get it? BILLIE JENKINS: Saks. You like it. PAIGE: No. Witches don't actually wear costumes. BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, really? The conical hat, the broomstick. That's just everyday wear? PAIGE: I meant recently. BILLIE JENKINS: Well, you should be more specific. PAIGE: I'll try to remember that for next time. Thanks for the tip! What's your name anyway? BILLIE JENKINS: What's yours? PAIGE: Jo. BILLIE JENKINS: Billie. PAIGE: Well, Billie, seems as if we have a bit of a problem here. BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, yeah? You know, actually, my problem is is that you're just killing my buzz. PAIGE: (chuckles) Buzz? That's what you're calling fighting demons? BILLIE JENKINS: Beats the hell out of video games. PAIGE: This isn't a game, okay? This is real. Deadly real. BILLIE JENKINS: You can't use an adverb with a noun. PAIGE: Chair! (Paige orbs the chair to behind Billie. She slides the chair forward forcing Billie to sit down.) BILLIE JENKINS: Oh! PAIGE: Okay, here's the thing. People are getting killed, so you are gonna tell me everything I want to know, and you're gonna tell it to me now, otherwise we're gonna go at it again. BILLIE JENKINS: Fine. I'm listening. PAIGE: How long have you been a witch? BILLIE JENKINS: Not long. Just up till really recently, I noticed I had these powers. So I bought a couple of books and I figured it out. PAIGE: And you figured out how to track demons that way? BILLIE JENKINS: I'm good. (Paige scoffs.) BILLIE JENKINS: Well, I am. (She starts to get up, but stops.) Look, let me- May I? (Paige motions for her to continue.) (Billie walks over to her desk and takes out the newspaper clippings.) BILLIE JENKINS: Okay, well, first, I noticed that all the missing kids had Alice-like names. You know, like Alicia, Allison, Alastair, Alex -- PAIGE: This has to do with what? BILLIE JENKINS: Alice? You know, like "Alice in Wonderland." (Paige shakes her head.) BILLIE JENKINS: Okay, when the victims were found, they were saying all these weird things, like mad hatters, white rabbits, stone caterpillars. Had to be something demonic, right? It was just too cool not to be. PAIGE: Um, no. Actually demonic isn't so cool. It's kind of a bad thing. BILLIE JENKINS: Okay, whatever. Anyways, I inputted it all into the computer, I hooked the crystal up to the GPS system, I started scrying for the demon, and voila! There he was! Or there she was. Are most demons chicks? PAIGE: Uh, no, no, not always. Uh, you figured this all out by yourself? BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah. PAIGE: Ok, in that case, I'm gonna need you to stay put while I go deal with this. BILLIE JENKINS: Wait? What?! PAIGE: You are in way over your head, Billie. That's why you called for my help. BILLIE: I did not call for you! BILLIE JENKINS: Just let me and my sisters deal with this, okay? BILLIE: Wait? What sisters? Are they witches, too? PAIGE: Just stay here! I'll be back. (Billie tries to move, but Paige puts a hand up to stop her.) PAIGE: Uh! Stay! (Paige orbs out.) (As soon as she's gone, Billie sits down and turns the computer on to scry.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN -- DAY] (Dex walks into the Bay Mirror.) DEX LAWSON: Hey, Julie. PHOEBE: Dex, hey! What are you doing here? DEX LAWSON: Well, you know, I just thought I'd stop by and see how things went with the tribute. PHOEBE: Oh, actually, it had nothing to do with the tribute. DEX LAWSON: No? PHOEBE: Well, apparently the newspaper's having a hard time getting the advice column out ever since --you know. DEX LAWSON: Yeah. PHOEBE: So they asked me to help out a little bit, which I thought was kind of weird, but I said sure because I'm here and not doing anything, you know. DEX LAWSON: Well, you look like you're enjoying yourself. PHOEBE: Yeah. (She sees the copy boy and stops him.) PHOEBE: Oh, hey, um, get this to copy right away, and make sure that "Worried in Walnut Creek" is before "Bummed in Boston" because it just flows better, okay? Thanks. (She turns her attention back to Dex.) PHOEBE: Heh. Deadlines. DEX LAWSON: I wonder what made them ask you, of all people. PHOEBE: I don't know. They said something about hoping - DEX LAWSON: It might run in the family? PHOEBE: Yes. That's exactly what they said. (Dex nods knowingly.) PHOEBE: Wait a minute. Did you have -- DEX LAWSON: I ran into your editor in the elevator. Told her I thought you might be able to help. Hey, anything's better than the crap they've been printing, right? PHOEBE: Yeah. Thanks, I think. Heh! DEX LAWSON: Look, I was just trying to protect your cousin's column. You know, I was her biggest fan. PHOEBE: I can see that. It's too bad you never got to know her. DEX LAWSON: Well, um ... maybe you could catch me up over dinner. (Phoebe smiles.) VOICE (MAN): Hey! Turn up the TV. REPORTER (WOMAN): (from tv) A fourth victim, Alice Robbins, 18, has just been discovered walking down the middle of Market Street without any sense of who she was or what she was doing. (On the monitor, they show someone on a gurney being put in the back of an ambulance. The bottom caption on screen reads: BREAKING NEWS, VICTIM FOUND ALIVE.) REPORTER (WOMAN): (from tv) Witnesses say that, like the others, she was mumbling incoherently. In this case, about a path that leads nowhere and smiles without faces. PHOEBE: (softly to herself) Smiles without faces. DEX LAWSON: What the hell's going on out there? (Phoebe figures it out.) PHOEBE: Uh, I have to go now. (She heads for the door.) DEX LAWSON: What? PHOEBE: I'll call you. I'm sorry. (Phoebe leaves. Dex looks around.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT] (Phoebe rushes into the Conservatory to share her news only to find Piper, Paige and Leo lounging on the chairs.) PHOEBE: The teens are being lured by a fairy tale. PIPER: Yeah. "Alice in Wonderland." We know. PHOEBE: What do you mean you know? PAIGE: Billie. PHOEBE: Billie? Who is Billie? LEO: Paige's new charge. What I don't understand is why Alice in Wonderland. Why did the demon pick that one? PHOEBE: Are you kidding? It's all about the loss of innocence, the need for escape, the search for one's identity. (Phoebe sits down next to Piper.) PIPER: Well, if that's the case, I'm surprised it didn't lure us, too. PAIGE: Maybe it was meant to. Why else would a demon go through all that trouble? What, just to mess with a couple of kids? LEO: Possibly. PAIGE: I think these signs are too elaborate not to be meant for us. PIPER: And Billie. PAIGE: Well, no, I don't think it was meant for her. I think she just found it. PHOEBE: Which makes her one smart witch. PAIGE: Yeah, maybe too smart for her own good, I think. PIPER: So you think this is a trap? PAIGE: Could be. PHOEBE: Ok, then what do we do? I mean we can't go after the demon. PIPER: Well, if we don't do anything, then more innocents will be hurt. LEO: Innocents are always gonna get hurt. PIPER: I know, Leo, but it's a little bit different when we're aware of it. I don't think this is something we can ignore. So how do we find them? PAIGE: Well, Billie knows how. I'll go get her scrying stuff and you stay and make potions, okay? PHOEBE: What if she figures us out? PAIGE: I don't think she's gonna figure this out because to her this is all just a lovely little game. PIPER: Yeah, well, it's one we'd better win. FLASH TO: [INT. SEWERS -- NIGHT] (Billie is walking cautiously in the sewers.) (Haas and Black Heart step out in front of her.) HAAS: We've been waiting for you. (Haas suddenly turns and hits Billie. She flies backwards across the tunnel and hits the ground with a thud.) (She coughs as they walk up to her.) HAAS: Ah! I'm curious. Which one are you? Phoebe? Piper? Paige? BILLIE: I think you have me confused with somebody else. HAAS: I think not. (Billie coughs.) HAAS: (to Black Heart) Send her through. Then after her sisters find her wandering the streets and come looking for revenge, we will send them through, too. [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- NIGHT] (Phoebe is filling the vials with potion when Paige returns.) PIPER: Where's Billie? PAIGE: In big trouble. She decided to go after the demons by herself. (Paige has the laptop and sits at the table.) PIPER: What? PHOEBE: Know where to find her? PAIGE: I think so. I took this from her computer, showing me how she scryed. PIPER: She was scrying with a computer? PHOEBE: That's pretty state of the art. PAIGE: Right. Well, it just might get her killed faster. (The computer beeps and a red dot appears immediately on the center of the monitor.) PAIGE: Got her. Okay. PIPER: Hang on a second. Wait one second. What if Billie doesn't need saving? PAIGE: What? PHOEBE: You have any idea what she's talking about? PIPER: I'm talking about what if Billie is part of the trap? PAIGE: Oh, that is absurd. PIPER: Is it? Think about it. Either she's as smart as you think she is and she's figured all of this out by herself, or -- PHOEBE: She's working with the demons. PAIGE: Oh, please. PIPER: Come on, Paige. How well do you really know her? She could've planted all of the signs. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE] (Billie is in a dark place. Behind her is a shaft of white light. All around her are overlapping voices.) VOICE: Why is everyone like a desk, huh? (There are flashes of images around her. She turns around and looks up at the white light, but has to put a hand to block its brightness from her eyes.) HAAS: Ha ha ha! VOICE: Twinkle, twinkle! HAAS: Off with her head! (Billie gasps. A very large Black Heart appears carrying an executioner's axe.) BLACK HEART: Ha ha ha! (She swings the axe. Billie ducks back into darkness, away from the light. She tucks and rolls backward, pulling out her athame.) (White alphabet letters appear and disappear around her. The voices get louder and louder. She puts her hands over her ears to block out the sounds.) (Suddenly, she's pulled down further into the darkness.) (There, everything stops.) (Billie turns around and screams.) (In front of her is a giant red-eyed rat.) BILLIE JENKINS: Oh! Help! HAAS: Kill her! (Billie starts running.) HAAS: I said Kill her! Right now! VOICE: Off with her head! VOICE: Kill her! (Behind her, she's being chased by a deck of cards with Haas' image on some of them.) HAAS: Run for your life, girl! (Billie tucks and rolls. When she stands up, everything stops.) (Billie breathes heavily.) (Suddenly, she finds a thick set of shackles around her wrists. She shakes them, but they won't come off.) (She's pulls back and finds herself standing in a witness box.) BILLIE JENKINS: What is happening to me? (Floating in front and above her is a large image of Black Heart's head.) BLACK HEART: "I'll be the judge and the jury," said the cunning old fury. (Haas' head appears next to it.) HAAS: "And I'll try the whole case then condemn you to death." (A large swinging executioner's axe materializes into the air, swings and heads for Billie. It vanishes before it reaches her.) (It hits Black Heart instead.) BLACK HEART: (screams) No! (Black Heart explodes.) (Haas turns and looks at Billie. He vanishes.) (The shackles around Billie's wrists vanish as well.) (Billie looks at her hands. The witness box she's standing in vanishes around her. (Out of the darkness, Billie hears Paige's voice.) PAIGE'S VOICE: Billie, are you all right? BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah. (Billie walks through the sewers.) (Haas is alone and confused.) HAAS: What have you done? How did you do this? You killed her. (In front of them are the Charmed Ones.) PIPER: Bright side? At least she got to meet us first. (Haas stands up.) HAAS: I should've never underestimated you. I knew you were alive. PHOEBE: Too bad you won't be around long enough to tell anybody. (Haas pulls back his hand to throw something, but he never gets the chance to power up. The girls throw their potions vials at him and he explodes - but not immediately. Billie gasps. He screams in pain, burning in front of them. Then he explodes.) (Billie's stoked and excitedly rushes up to them.) BILLIE JENKINS: Wow! PIPER: You're welcome. BILLIE: I can't believe this. You guys really are The Charmed Ones. (Piper clears her throat.) BILLIE: I did a little research after you left. The newspapers said you all died in some terrible accident. And which one are you? (She looks at Paige. Paige hesitates.) PAIGE: I would be Paige. PHOEBE: What do we do? PIPER: Blow her up? PAIGE: Piper! PIPER: What? Do you have any better ideas? BILLIE JENKINS: I'm not gonna tell anyone if that's what you think. I promise. PIPER: What's the catch? BILLIE JENKINS: Well, show me the ropes. Teach me everything you know about witchcraft. Everything. PHOEBE: Forget it. PAIGE: Wait a second. What do you have to offer? BILLIE JENKINS: I can help you guys fight the demons so you don't have to do it all the time. I mean, I assume that is why you faked your own deaths, right? PIPER: You're right. She is too smart for her own good. PAIGE: All right. One condition. Lose the cheap vinyl outfit. BILLIE JENKINS: (disappointed) Oh. PAIGE: Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SAN FRANCISCO (STOCK) -- NIGHT] PHOEBE: (v.o.) It's funny sometimes where signs lead you -- [EXT. SAN FRANCISCO (STOCK) - DAY] PHOEBE: (v.o.) -- rarely where you thought you'd go, but always where you belong. [INT. POLICE ACADEMY - CLASSROOM -- DAY] (Paige is back at the police academy classroom desperately kissing the cute training instructor.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) In Paige's case, though she realized that being a cop wasn't her cup of tea, being with a certain cop was. [INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM -- DAY] (Piper is back in her bedroom applying her own cold cream mask to her face.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) For Piper, the only sign she really needed was the one that reminded her she wasn't alone. (Behind her, Leo walks in and smiles as he heads for her. He kisses the back of her neck making her laugh.) (He moves around in front of her and she tries to wipe the cream off his face with the back of her wrist and messes it up instead.) PIPER: Oh, yeah. Sorry. Here. Oh, well. (Instead, she puts a dab of cream on his nose making him laugh.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - PHOEBE'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Phoebe's back in her old office typing on the computer.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) As for me, I discovered that, just like Alice, no matter how wild the ride, signs will sometimes lead you right back to where you started from ... changed, different ... but ... home. (She picks up her BAY MIRROR ID badge for Julie Bennet.) (Through her office window, we see Dax in the bullpen.) [CLOSE-UP: COMPUTER MONITOR] (Phoebe types as she reads.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) And they all lived happily ever after ...
doc_294	The Kerwin house - Kitchen Toby: Last Day of school, here I come. When he enters the kitchen, he takes from Ashley the muffin she was eating. Jeff: Ash, we're going to drop you and Toby off on our way, ok? (To Kate) You ready? Kate: I'll be there in a minute. Jeff: Ok. Come on Tobs. Oh, working the muscles I see? You're going to be such a girlie boy. (As they go out the door) Come with me! Let me eat you! Ashley laughs Kate: Here's Mrs. Rehn's number, in case you need anything. Ashley: Stop worrying. Toby and I are going to be fine. You're just going overnight. Kate: I know. I'm a being a mother. Ok, so tonight...? Ashley: I know. One friend over each and no parties. I heard. Kate: Good for you for being so responsible. Degrassi - Ms. Kwan's Class Ms. Kwan: A student I'll never forget. Even after years and years of therapy. Who could that be? (Spinner gets up to get his award) Spinner: I'll never forget you either, Ms. Kwan. Ms. Kwan: Have a good break, Mr. Mason Media Immersion Mr. Simpson: Well what can I say? It's been great teaching all of you. (Emma raises her hand) Emma? Emma: We're gonna miss you too, Mr. Simpson. So, look at the screen. (Everyone crowds around) See the present icon? Click it. (When he does, we hear kids shout "Thank you Mr. Simpson" and the grade 7's heads pop up, saying great things about him) Mr. Simpson: This is incredible. Ms. Kwan's Class Ms. Kwan: This one needs no explanation. The student of all students. Drumroll please. (Jimmy does one on the desk) Ashley Kerwin. (Ashley gets up to get it) Ashley: Thanks, Ms. Kwan. Ms. Kwan: (Hugs Ashley) I'm gonna miss you. (Ashley sits back down) Ashley: Student of all students? That is so lame. Terri: I think it's sweet. (Paige sticks out her tongue, puts her finger in her mouth pretending to gag, to Hazel) Ms. Kwan: This next award is for Dave, because he puts the capital G in good student. Media Immersion Mr. Simpson is looking at what they gave him, very happy, when the bell rings. Mr. Simpson: Ok, go. Go clean out your lockers and have a great safe vacation. Liberty: Bye Mr. Simpson. Mr. Simpson: Adios. Kid: Ciao, Mr. Simpson. Mr. Simpson: Bye-bye. Hall Ashley, Paige and Terri are cleaning out their lockers. Paige: Wow, the Kerwin/Issacs prison. What's Jimmy gonna say when he finds out? Jimmy: Finds out what? (Kind of spins Ashley around) Ashley: That I can only have one friend over tonight. Paige: And she invited Terri. Not you or me. Jimmy: Oh, ok. Ashley: I thought you'd be upset. Jimmy: (With his hand in Ashley's hair) Rules are rules, right? We'll do something tomorrow. Jimmy leaves. Ashley: Ok, am I missing something here? Paige: No, just the chance to hang out w/ me + have way too much fun. Ashley: Paige, if you really want to come over, whatever. (She leaves. Paige shrugs and goes back to cleaning her locker) Hall JT: So girls, what are your plans for this very momentous eve? Emma: Girls' night at my place. Meaning no boys allowed especially boys named Sean. (He walks by as she said that) Hall (Toby and JT are being a trash can to their lockers to clean them out) Toby: Maybe she's learned that bad boys only lead to heartache. JT: And now she's looking for a good boy? One named Toby? Not likely. What you need is a new approach. (Sean walks by) Sean's approach. Hey Sean! Toby here is having the boys over tonight. To play some cards, talk girls, guy stuff. Wanna come? Sean: No. (He starts to walk away) JT: You know Emma's gonna be there. Sean: (As he turns around + stops walking) Emma? Toby: Yeah we're... JT: Having the girls over...later. Sean: Ok. (He leaves) Toby: (Pushes JT up against a locker) Are you insane? JT: After tonight's little tutoring session, Emma will be all yours. Trust me. Hall (Ashley and Terri are walking. Terri is throwing some things out as they pass trashcans) Ashley: Do you think Jimmy's reaction was weird? About tonight? Terri: No I think he was just trying to be a good boyfriend. Ashley: A good boyfriend would wanna come over no matter what. My parents are away... he should... never mind. Terri: Anyway I thought you were cooling on it. Ashley: Exactly the opposite. After you've been going out for awhile, things get deeper. Terri: Oh. Ashley: Unless he's cooling on me. Terri: I don't think that's how it is. Ashley's Paige and Hazel are outside. Ashley clears her throat to get their attention. Paige: Ok, before you go all parental on me, I forgot. Hazel and I had plans tonight. I didn't think it would be a problem. Ashley: No, it's fine. There is loud noise heard and Toby and JT come outside, all dirty from whatever it was. They are coughing. Toby wants to go back inside but JT stops him. Toby: Ash. Ashley: Ok, I know Mom + Jeff said only one friend each... JT: But nothing Ashley. It's our pleasure to share this fine evening with such lovely young ladies. (Before going inside, he winks at Paige) Paige: Did that... THING... just wink at me? Everyone laughs. Inside Ashley They are watching a scary movie wearing 3-D glasses. Hazel screams and covers her eyes when something happens. Terri: Guys I can't handle this. Paige: Do you really think the star's gonna die? Ashley: Paige, you're ruining the movie. There is a knock at the door. Paige: I didn't invite anyone else honest. Sean comes in. They all look. Ashley: Sean? What are you doing here? Sean: Toby invited me. Ashley: Toby? Little scammer. They're upstairs. (He leaves) Ok, Toby's hanging out with Sean? That's weird. Paige: Has Sean become such a total babe since that fight or what? (They laugh then all scream because of the movie) Toby's Room Toby, JT, and Sean are playing cards. JT: So Sean girls. Care to share your expertise? Sean: Wh-what? JT: You know on how you score like Sundien. Sean: I don't. JT: Come on. Girls like drool over you. Sean: I don't know. I just act like myself, I guess. Why? Who do you like? Toby: So guys we gonna play or what? Sean: Emma knows I'm here, right? JT: Yup. Sean: And she's fine with this? JT: Of course. Even more fine is this. I brought us a little party favor boys. (He takes out of a bag a drug) Toby: Aspirin. Sean: Ecstasy. Toby: E? JT, what'd... JT: Ecstasy is the love drug, right? There's a whole room of girls down there needing some love. Sean: I don't know man. This stuff's pretty intense. JT: Better be, I paid my cousin 2 weeks allowance for it. Let's split it. Sean: Ok give me the pill. (JT hands it to Sean) I'll do it. (He leaves the room) JT: What? Toby: Not a good idea. Kitchen Ashley is preparing food and drinks for her and her friends when Sean comes in. Ashley: Hey Sean. Having fun upstairs? Sean: A little too much fun. (Throws her E) Ashley: Is that...? Sean you brought drugs? Sean: Not me, JT. Ashley: JT? Toby? They're way too young to be experimenting with drugs. Sean gets an aspirin and cuts it in half with a knife. Sean: Flush it down the sink. They'll never know the difference. (He leaves) Ashley looks at the E. Toby's Room JT: Toby, come on. Wanna be a bad boy? Start acting like one. Sean: (Opens food) Bad boy? Toby: Ignore him. (Takes the aspirin) Let's just do it. JT: Sure you don't wanna join us? Sean: Yeah my social worker would kill me. JT: Ok. (Eats it) Sean: Hey wait. Chew it slowly. Gives you a better high. Kitchen Ashley picks up the E and sticks it in her apron. She picks up the food when Paige comes in the kitchen. Paige: Terri's slipping in video numero two. Sorry, but uh, this get together, is getting seriously lame. Ashley: Ok then. What do you wanna do? Paige: Invite Jimmy over. Just stop being boring and break a rule for once. Ashley: I already did. Paige: Then invite him again. Hun, you just need to live a little. 'Cause you're pretty cool when you do honest. (She leaves) Ashley sets the food down and calls Jimmy. Ashley: Jimmy come over. We'll have fun, together. (Takes the E out of her apron as she talks. After she hangs up with Jimmy, she takes the E and gags from the taste after she swallows it) Toby's Room JT: Toby, I'm floating, on a fluffy white cloud. Toby: Right. JT: Can't you feel it? How can you not feel it? Toby: I'm starting to, I think. JT puts his hands on the lava lamp and makes buzzing sounds. Sean watches it and can't believe what JT is doing) Toby: Dude, this is incredible. JT: Dude, this ecstasy. I'm feeling the love. It's time to call. Sean: Emma? (Gives JT the phone) JT: (Has the phone upside down, but flips it and then dials) Girls say hello to your destiny. Downstairs Ashley enters and steps on Hazel's hands. Hazel: OW! Ash, my hand. Ashley: Sorry. (She lays down. She watches the movie and screams really loud) Paige: Ok now I'm officially deaf. Ashley: Oh that was so scary. I bet you they heard my scream al the way in China. (They look at her weird as she laughs and then screams again) Outside Ashley's Emma, Liberty, and Manny are outside. Manny: Guys, this is gonna be great. A real party. But if my dad finds out I'm here, I'm gonna be grounded until my wedding day. Ashley comes out. Ashley: Hey you're not Jimmy and Spinner. Unless they had a s*x change. (She laughs) Liberty I didn't invite you. How did you know? Was I sending out psychic vibrations? Emma: Uh, no. JT and Toby called. Ashley: (Laughs) Yeah, one in inviting too many people. Liberty, I've wanted to tell you this for like forever. But I get you. You're like me only sorta not, you know? Liberty: Uh... Inside Ashley's Ashley: You guys look who's here: Liberty. (Ashley shuts off the movie and turns on music) Terri: Ash... When she turns on music she starts dancing with Liberty. Ashley: Get down Liberty! (She laughs as she takes off her apron and whirls it around) Terri: Ash wanted to have fun tonight. I guess she's having fun. As she dances, Ashley breaks a vase. Paige starts to laugh, but stops. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby's Room JT is spinning around on a pole when there is a knock at the door. JT opens it. Emma: Hello. (JT moves his tongue around) Toby? JT: Welcome to the Issacs Zone of Invanite Love and Harmony. Sit. Manny: Thanks, uh, for inviting us. Toby sits next to Emma. JT: (Puts his hands as if he's praying) Shalom. Downstairs Jimmy and Spinner and some friends come in. Spinner has a watermelon. Jimmy: Hey. What's going on? Ashley: (Putting her hands in the air) Hey! Spinner: This is my kind of party. Ashley: Jimmy you're here, finally. Jimmy: When did you decide to have a party? I thought your parents... Ashley: Isn't this just incredible? (Hugs him) Jimmy: Ash you're burning up. Ashley: Oh I know. So hot in here. Jimmy: Have you been drinking? Ashley: No. (Near his ear) A...B...C...D...E. Jimmy: Ecstasy? Where'd you get ecstasy? Ashley: Toby, JT. One of them. Jimmy: do you know how stupid that is? Ashley: Stop being so melodramatic. I'm having fun you can too. Jimmy: You need to drink water and lots of it. (Grabs her hand but she lets go) I can't believe you could take E. Ashley: Ok calm down Dad. Paige is right loosen up a little bit. Paige: (Whispers) Ecstasy? Jimmy: Ash what...? Ashley: I'm going upstairs to the bathroom. I'll drink some water from the toilet. (She laughs as she leaves the room. When she leaves everyone laughs except Jimmy) Toby's Room Sean enters. Sean: Emma. Emma leaves. Sean: Emma. Emma. Emma: Sean, just leave me alone. If I knew you were gonna be here I would've stayed home. Manny: I'll go find Liberty. (She goes downstairs) Sean: Emma, can we talk, please? Emma: There's nothing to talk about. Sean: Emma you're not being fair. Emma: Sean you went too far. We're over, as in finished. (She goes downstairs) Ashley comes out the bathroom. Ashley: Sean. Are you ok? (He looks at her and he is crying) You need to talk to someone. Come on. (They go into a room) Sean: This is so stupid. Ashley: I know what you're going through. Sean: How? Ashley: Ok, everyone thinks you're bad, right? Well everyone thinks I'm this perfect boring girl. (They sit down) Sean: I just thought Emma was so different. Ashley: Why? She's just like Jimmy. She only sees... Sean: What she wants to see. Ashley: Exactly! Sean, don't cry. Don't cry. (She looks at his face and then she kisses him. After she kisses him, they kiss again, laying themselves down on her bed) Downstairs Everyone else is hanging out having fun. Toby comes downstairs Toby: Hey Jimmy, have you seen Emma? Jimmy: There you are, Mr. Drug Dealer. Toby: What? Jimmy: Don't you know that E leads to harder things, like my fist? Toby: What do you care if I did E? Jimmy: 'Cause you didn't. Ashley did. And she said she got it from you. Toby: Sean switched it. Jimmy: Sean? Sean's here? Toby: Yeah, he's upstairs. Jimmy runs upstairs. While she drinks, Paige watches. Upstairs. Jimmy goes in a room but doesn't find Sean. Sean comes out of another room. Jimmy: Sean...what...? As Sean goes downstairs, Ashley comes out of the same room Sean did. Ashley: Jimmy, oh. (Jimmy looks at how her hair and clothes are messed up and goes downstairs so she follows him) Outside Toby: Emma? (He sees her sitting) There you are. Look, it was stupid of me to invite Sean. And I want you to know the only reason I did is because... (Sean comes outside and leaves. When Emma sees him, she looks sad. When Sean looks back, he sees Emma hug Toby) Inside Ashley's JT: 1...2...3... (He jumps and they catch him) Jimmy: Where's Sean? Ashley: Jimmy stop. Jimmy: Where's Sean, Spinner? Spinner: He left, like 2 minutes ago. Jimmy starts to leave but Ashley stops him. Ashley: Jimmy stop. Ok, I know you're upset, but what just happened was the most intense experience of my life. It was like this telescope and I saw me, the real me. Jimmy: Look, you don't know what you're saying. Ashley: What? Jimmy: it's not you, it's the drugs. Ashley: Oh yeah keep going Dad. Keep telling me who I am. Jimmy: Ash look... Ashley: No, this is exactly why me and Sean just...he gets me, you... Terri: Ash, stop. Ashley: Ter, I love your shirt. It's so shiny, like stars. Jimmy: I'm outta here. Ashley: What I should have done is broken up with you on your birthday like I was going to. Paige: Ash would you stop being such a hag already? Ashley: Paige you are a hag. On two fronts: your looks and your personality. (She laughs) Paige gets a mean look on her face and leaves. Ashley: Jimmy, just you don't have what Sean has and you never will. You're just not enough for me, sorry. Oh now you're upset, don't be, it's ok, it is, it's all good, it is. (As she talks she goes up to him but he pushes her away and then leaves and then everyone else does) Spinner: Nice Ash. Ashley: Guy, where are you going? Come on it's a party. Come on. Where's everyone going? Come on guys. Guys. (She dances and laughs) Come on. Downstairs - The next day Terri and Toby are cleaning when Ashley comes in the room in a bathrobe. Ashley: Hey. When did that break? Toby: While you were dancing with Liberty. When you were strung out on E. What were you thinking Ash? Ashley: What was I thinking? What were you and JT doing with it in the first place? Terri: Guys, it doesn't matter. Ashley: Was I really that bad? (They don't answer) What if I just call Jimmy? Terri: Ash, Paige won't talk to you. Do you really think Jimmy will? Ashley: I'm such an idiot. How am I ever gonna face everyone again? (There is a knock at the door. Ashley runs to the door) Jimmy? (Someone comes in and it's Spinner with a box) Spinner: here Jimmy doesn't want this stuff anymore. Ashley: Spinner how is he? Spinner: Just take it and don't call him. (He leaves) Ashley closes the door. Terri: Ash? Toby: Ok, somebody get this place cleaned up. (He goes in the other room) Ashley falls on the floor Toby: They'll be home soon. I mean come on... Ashley is crying with Terri next to her. Toby: Ash? You ok? (He goes back to where Ashley and Terri are and he goes next to her and hugs her)
doc_295	Chick: It's not all kitchen scraps. It is one-third kitchen scraps. It is two-thirds browns, which are leaves, hay, straw, sawdust. But, you know, we're low on browns 'cause folks don't bring us browns. So who's our browns guy? Chick: Well, we get donations from the woodshop, but, you know, we're always in need of browns. All right. Let's see what we can do about it. Chick: We used to have a compost guru. - Ernie. - Oh yeah? He set this whole operation up. He educated all the gardeners, on greens, on browns, ratios, you know, all of that. And then, there was one Sunday and he was... He was comin' in and he was carrying these coffee grounds from the café across the street, and he stopped right there. Right there. And we just all said, "What's the matter, Ernie? What's the matter?" And, uh, he didn't say anything. He just looked at us with his bug eyes and then he just keeled over and died. Oh my God, that's so sad. Yeah. But you know what? He was very excited about being compost when he died, and he got his wish. - So that's nice. Yeah. - The Guy: Yeah, that's nice. - I didn't know you could do that with your remains. - Oh yeah. But he's not in this compost, is he? Oh. He's all over the garden! You're joking, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm joking. - Okay. - Mm-hmm. I'm jokin'! - Funny. - (phone chimes) And so it begins. All right, Chick. I gotta go see a man about, um... - Chick: A horse? - Sellin' him some weed. - Oh. You're welcome. - Uh... Thank you, Chick. Is this your dog? Oh my gosh. Oh, you're a very sweet dog, aren't you? Oh, you're one of those. (laughs) I know your type. All right, well. Listen, I'm gonna go, okay? See you around. Whoa, hey! Dude. Hey! What are you doin', dude? That's not safe. Hey. Why are you following me? [♪♪] Dude, why are you following me? - (barks) - (laughs): What are you doin'? [♪♪] (sighs) All right. (dog barks) You're the most presuming dog that a human could know. Come on, get out of the street. You're fckin' crazy. Ira Glass: How is she planning to? Nancy: ...including the composting, whatever sound that makes. Like, I don't know if we'd wanna watch her die, but the conflict with the family, that's a story, like... Have we done something like recycling, but in like a broad sense? - Ira: Recycling as a metaphor. - As a show. Emanuele Berry: Well, like, what about actual recycling stuff? Like, do you guys know about the recycling in this building? - Wait. They don't recycle the recycling? - Nancy: There is none. No. I thought that was true. - There just isn't recycling. - It's sorted downstairs. - It's not! - (laughing) Sean Cole: We think we're recycling and we're not recycling. We're living a lie. We are all... Nancy: You're the only one who still thought that there was recycling. - Elna Baker: No, I didn't know that. - I've known this for a while. - I thought we all knew that? - Elna: I didn't know that. I thought we all knew that, but I do like that some people don't know. It feels like telling them that Father Christmas is, like, not real. Ira: Which is the one thing you can't say on the radio. You can't say that Santa isn't real on the radio, we run across this every Christmas. Sean: Warnings before a Santa-is-not-real set. Well, screw that then! Elna: Wait. What if we did a "It's Not Real" show? - Yeah. - Yeah. Okay, so there's this test that's a BDSM test, like a kink test, uh, and I took it, and I found out I'm a rope bunny. - (laughing) - Oh, God. You said that like it's a thing! (laughing) Zoe: What is a rope bunny? It's somebody who likes to be tied up during sx. Zoe: I feel like that's like a lot of women. - Lily: It's like a personal... - Bim Adewunmi: You see? (laughing) But then anyway, it turns out none of it's real. Like the BDSM community... Wait, wait, wait. But I just wanna understand. You're saying you took a test. It told you you're a rope bunny. Now you find out the test is not real. So are you not a rope bunny? Um... I don't wanna... I don't know why I'm any saying any of this. (laughing) Ira: I'm going back to recycling. Okay, can I just pitch recycling. What about like, like, recycling a relationship? Like somebody who comes back to a relationship. I don't know what that's like at all. - Ira: Do you have that story? - Sean: No, I'm not getting... Well, my, my, uh... My parents lied to me about getting divorced. - Ira: Wait. Seriously? - Yara: Yeah, yeah. Um... When I was 17, my mom and dad, they got legally divorced, but they didn't want to tell me until after I graduated high school, so... they pretended to stay married. But wait. They still lived together? Yara: Yeah, they still lived together, and they pretended to stay together. Anyways, at my graduation, when I got my diploma, and I was walking back to my chair, I look up to my parents, and they're sitting in the bleachers and, uh, they're not looking at me, they're fighting. You know, I don't even know if they saw me graduate. And, uh, all of a sudden I see my dad, he storms off away from my mom, and he goes up to the top of the bleachers. He says that he must've leaned against a railing that was loose because, uh, he ended up falling on to the cement, 30 feet. - Ira: What?! - Yara: Yeah, and he lived! He lived. He lived. Um, and my mom, who I felt like had completely given up on my dad, uh, she made the choice to nurse him back to recovery. - And, uh... and they remarried. - Woman: Oh wow, that's crazy. - Ira: Wait. That made them fall in love again? - Yeah. Yeah. - No! - Wow. - It had a happy ending. - Woman: Yeah. - I like a happy ending. - Aw. Ira: Would they talk about it like on tape? - Do you think they would tell the story? - Yeah. - Sure, yeah. - Ira: Sold. Movin' on. Yara: Yeah, Dad, this is really exciting. It's a really big deal for me. It's my first story on the radio. Yara's Dad (over phone): Oh, what is it? Well, I wanna tell the story about when you fell off the bleachers. Yara's Dad: I don't think that's a good idea. Yara: Dad doesn't wanna talk. He asks me to talk to Mom before talking to him, which leads me to believe that Mom has some information that I don't. - Maybe there's some... - Woman: We have to go! - (couple arguing) - Just, I... Stop! Stop. I really like the happy ending, period. So is this a story about how vulnerability opens us up to love, question mark. Or is it about accepting, accepting people warts and all? - (keyboard clacking) - (Yara muttering) Mami, it's a really beautiful story. Yara's Mom (over phone): That's a very painful time of my life, mija, and I don't wanna go there. Listen, I'm happy for you - but I like my privacy and respect that, okay? -(door buzzes) Yara: Please, can you just think about it? Yara's Mom (over phone): The answer is no. I'm sorry. All right. I gotta go, I gotta go. He's here. Yara's Mom: Okay. Give Owen a kiss for me. - Have fun. - Okay. Bye. - Hi, Smoothie! - Hey, Smoothie. - How was your flight? - Good. - Ah. Thank you for these. - Yeah. - They're like five bucks a pop out here. - Oh, my God. - Your place is really coming together. - Yara: Thanks, Smoothie. Oh, my God, I gotta tell you the coolest thing happened at work today. Oh, hey. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary, Smoothie. - (Owen moaning) - Yara: Okay. Aah. (bed squeaking) Owen (panting): All right. - (Yara sighs) - Owen: Woo. (sighs) Oh, I think my mom regrets remarrying my dad. What makes you say that? Something she said on the phone. You need anything, Smoothie? Nah, I'm good, Smoothie. - How are we gonna celebrate tonight, dinner? - Sure. I don't want to get dressed up though. I'm fine with whatever you want. Uh... you want to just get stoned and order in? Sounds very romantic. Cool. I'll text him. Honestly, I didn't even like the, the prequel. But I'm saying, if you're gonna, like, do that franchise, you should probably fckin' step it up. [♪♪] You're kind of heavy. You know that? Whew! How are you back there? Comfy? This is Bushwick. [♪♪] (both howling) - Yara: Are you finished yet? - Owen: So many questions. "I enjoy feeling like a prey hunted by a predator"? What the fck is that? - Yara: (laughs) It's a thing. Don't knock it. - I don't get it. Uh, I think I'm done. - Uh, I am... - Yara: I can't wait for this. ...99 percent vanilla. - Mm-hmm. - Ninety-five percent daddy-mommy? - Yara: Okay, Daddy. - (both laugh) And 95 percent rope bunny. Elna got rope bunny too. - What about you? - (door buzzes) A hundred percent hunter-prey. - Owen: Really? - Mm-hmm. - Hello? - The Guy (over intercom): Hi. I got a dog with me, but she's nice. Is it okay? Oh yeah, sure! Bring her in. That's fine. - Owen: Really? - What? It's just a dog. This is why I go to dispensaries. - (dog barks) - Both: Hey. Oh, sorry about that. - Hey. Relax. - (dog barks) Yara: Hi. No, it's okay. Hi baby! What happened to her eye? The Guy: I don't know. She just started following me, - and then, uh... I don't know, I got Annie'd. - Yara: Aw. I got same old... indica, sativa, cartridges, edibles, all of which you like. I want a dog so bad. - Since when do you want a dog? - Yara: Since always! I've seriously been thinking about it. Owen: Yeah, but you work all the time, and this place is way too small for a dog. Oh, wait, you think I'd be a bad dog owner? No. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that it's a cute dog and now you're having pet FOMO. - Fear of Missing Ohho. - (Owen laughs) - You like that? - Owen: Yeah, that's a good one. - The Guy: It's a terrible joke. - (Yara laughs) Um, do you have any, like, beef jerky or anything like that? I mean, it's highly processed. I don't think, like, - it's good for a dog. - Right. Right. Cool. Cool. Cool. - Owen: Right. - Cool, cool, cool... Okay, a hundred and twenty. Owen: I know I'm terrible at gifts, but I think this time, I... - nailed it. - (Yara chuckles) - Happy anniversary. Yep. - Mm-hmm. - Hey, I'll be the judge of that. - Yeah? I saw it and it totally reminded me of you, so. What's wrong? What? (laughs) What's wrong? - Oops. - Oh... (laughs) Is this why it reminded you of me? You're fcking kidding me? (both laughing) Actually, it's a really funny story. I'm sorry. Well, I'll take care of it. - What? - I'll take care of it. Take care of it... fck. - fck. Hold on. - What? No, I'm-I'm sorry. I'm just having like a... like a stoner moment. Um... Okay. Can I, can I tell you? - Uh... - Owen: Yeah. All right. So my-my mom... she didn't have a choice, she had to take care of my dad because she's a woman, and she's supposed to be a caretaker. And if she didn't do it, then he would have been pissed at her, and then I would have been pissed at her too, and everyone would have been pissed at her. I mean, everyone may have been pissed for like a little bit, but... No, no, no, no. Still... Listen. It makes total sense. If I take care of you, then no one will be mad at me. I'm... I mean, that's... I don't think that's how it is anymore, though... Owen, come on, please. That's how it is for women. You don't know how it is. Yeah. But, I mean, you and your mom are like... two totally different people. It's different times and... Yeah, but I was literally conditioned, my whole life, to believe that my purpose was to nurture and support a husband. And the only way that I could justify not doing that was by... working really hard and making something really important. And so, I became this workaholic. And I'm pretty much the same as my mom then. Like, like, I have to... I have to do something so that people will love me. No, I mean, you don't have to do anything for anyone to love you. I love you, Smoothie. Well, yeah, I know. I know, and that is totally on purpose like... God, you are... You are nothing like... I mean, you don't even need me to take care of you, like... You're literally in nursing school, you're a natural caretaker. And your-your ambitions... Your ambitions are smaller. Like I genuinely believe that you're the only person in my life who is a man who will not take away my purpose. God, and that is so great. That is... that is so good for me because it's safe. (keyboard clacking) Owen: Ouch. Why ouch? What are you talking about? I mean, you just said my main selling point is that... (laughs) that I'm not ambitious. - And, you know, I can... - Wait. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. First of all, you're the one that said you didn't want to be a doctor. - And then, I can just take care of you. - Yara: I was just quoting you. But I work my ass off, so... Yeah, I know, we both work our asses off. What I'm saying is that you're not like my dad and that's a good thing. It's not a codependent relationship. (sighs) It's not about being your dad or not being your dad. It's the fact that you just said that like I'm-I'm nothing... Are you fcking kidding me with the mic? - You're fcking recording this? - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You just laid out on me and then this is what I get? I'm sorry. I'm stoned. I'll turn it off. Well, yeah. You're definitely fcked up. (scoffs) Can I ask you some questions or... - does it go one way? - No. Sure. Of course. What did you get me for our anniversary? Yeah. Happy anniversary, Smoothie. (microphone clatters) (door slams) - (banging on door) - Come on, Leyla. It's been 20 minutes. Let's go! - Um, I called it after her. - I gotta be at work by 10:00. - It's 9:45 right now. - What? Arnold: Bah-gock! Where's Kyra? Bah-cock-a-doodle-doo! You can have custody when you buy more than one set of sheets for your home! Man (over phone): You don't know what's going on with my body anymore, Kyra. I've been looking all over this farm for Kyra! Is that you? Bah-gock! (in the melody of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"): ♪ It's your birthday, here we go ♪ ♪ I heard you're 49 ♪ ♪ No one's getting younger now ♪ ♪ You're runnin' out of time ♪ ♪ With a hemorrhoid here and a bad back there ♪ ♪ Better get yourself better medical care ♪ ♪ Old Miss Kyra's 49 and runnin' out of time! ♪ (laughter and cheering) Man (over phone): What the fck is going on over there? So fun. So colorful. - Great face. - Thank you. Honestly, thank you. Honestly, I work for tips. Oh... okay. - Well, let me go see about that. - Yes. Thank you. Chicken's got a full day. Excuse me. Can I use your restroom? Mm-hmm. Arnold (mutters): fck. [SCENE_BREAK] - (elevator dings) - Automated Voice: Doors opening. Open to enter. - Woman: Hi. - Man: Hello. Automated Voice: Doors closing. Doors opening. Open to enter. [♪♪] (screaming) This isn't a changing room. Sir, people fck in here! Okay? I'm just trying to get ready for work! Get off my dick! [♪♪] ♪ I'm a trouble alone, one ♪ ♪ I'm trouble to you, two... ♪ (gasps) You scared me. These balloons aren't sized well. You're trying to sabotage me! Where's Barbara? I see you. ♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪ Stop filming me. (wailing) - I'm a baby! - (crowd laughing) ♪ When I sing "my darling spinning top..." ♪ ♪ Kids all say they love you, Happy anniversary ♪ - Yee-haw! Come on now, give me a tip! - (laughing) Or at least let me change my pants! Man: I see you with that lasso! ♪ How sweet, my chubby little Twinkie ♪ ♪ This dog looks like a Twinkie ♪ ♪ You have a backpack full of Twinkie ♪ ♪ My doggy backpack full of Twinkie ♪ - ♪ My chubby one-eyed doggy ♪ -(dog howls) See you later, man. - Zack? - No. (to the melody of "Bingo"): ♪ Your girlfriend knows that you're a dog ♪ ♪ And cheated like a lame-o ♪ ♪ It's time to go ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're a ho ♪ ♪ She threw your sh1t out the window ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're a fcking bozo ♪ (howls) Now how about a tip? Wow, man. You got a whole thing going on. Yeah. Come on, tip me. I'm not Zack. I'm sorry. Why would you let me get through the entire song? I was into it, man. You got somethin'! Zack! ♪ Your girlfriend knows that you're a dog... ♪ You don't have to sing. You don't have to sing. Come on, Jane paid for the song. Well, I heard it so, thank you, I guess. Listen, man. I don't get paid if I don't sing. - So just let me get... - Sorry, am I supposed to worry about you? - fck you! - You know what? Jane was right. You're a fcking bozo! I understand why that mix-up happened now. Hey, man. You were good. Here... Here. (to the melody of "Bingo): ♪ There was a man on Instagram ♪ ♪ Who was suffering from FOMO ♪ ♪ FOMO ♪ You thirsty, baby? Let's have some drink! (cell phone chiming) Hello? Yes, yes. That was me. Uh, thank you so much for calling me... Okay. Wow. Um, is there a family? Okay, well, thank you for calling. Okay. Bye. [♪♪] (cooing) (whispers): fck! [♪♪] Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Come on! Kids' daisy chain? There are nine million people in New York! - (balloon pops) - (car alarm honking) Arnold: Oh, no. sh1t! (car alarm continuing) - Arnold: Bathroom? - You've gotta buy something. Yeah, doi! I'm gonna buy something! fck. (panting rhythmically) (up-tempo dance music playing) (sighs) (exhales sharply) [♪♪] (shouts) (grunts) [♪♪] (grunts) [♪♪] (music tempo slows) (grunts) - Ah! - (music continuing) (laughs) [♪♪] - Yeah. - (music fades) - (water splashes) - Oh my God! (chuckles) Wow. - (sighs) - (phone chimes) Oh, that sounds fun. (Arnold sighs) I'd give it a minute. Thank you so much. And sorry about earlier. I had to poop. I've been there. - What would you like? - What do you like? - The blondies are amazing. - I'll take one of those. And a latte, with four shots of espresso. You got it. Owen: Are you fckin' kidding me with the mic? You're fckin' recording this? Yara: Oh I'm-I'm sorry. I'm stoned. I'll turn it off. Owen: Yeah, you're definitely f*cked up! Can I ask you some questions? Or does it go one way? Yara: No. Sure. Of course. Owen: What did you get me for our anniversary? Yeah. Happy anniversary, Smoothie. (microphone clatters) (sighs, murmurs) Chana Joffe-Walt: Yara, are you okay? Yara: Um... We're not talking. - (murmurs) - David Kestenbaum: I'm sorry. All right. Wanna go around? Susan? Susan Burton: I mean, it's really different than the story you pitched. I mean, it's not really about your parents anymore, you know? - (all agreeing) - Ira: What happened... What happened to the idea of you getting your parents on tape talking about this? Well, I... I tried to talk to my mom but, um... she didn't wanna talk, she didn't wanna do it. And so, Owen and I started talking about it on tape. And, um... Yeah, it led to this. David: I'm trying to think how it works without your parents. Like maybe it could go in like a wrong-ending show or something? Chana: You seem like you're being very genuine and expecting a response from him that is different than the one he gives, and it feels surprising when it happens, when he says ouch, but, yeah, I feel like we'd need more setup to understand what that moment means. Robyn Semien: Do you think she could write it though? Like what if she just wrote through all of the story of what her parents did. Chana: Maybe, but you would write about your parents though. I think you'd have to write about your parents' story. I couldn't like... I didn't actually understand what was going on. But I think it's kind of amazing that... like, sorry... It's kind of amazing to hear a breakup unfold in real time, in this accidental way, and that to me felt like, oh, that's special tape. But because I was so lost at the beginning, the fact that it turns and suddenly you're fighting. I'm like, I'm still trying to catch up to the first conversation. Ira: Yeah, I have the same feeling. I just think it's one of those things where a big important thing happened, you have this dramatic moment on tape, but I just think it's not gonna work as a radio piece. And I'm sorry. Yeah, okay. - It's okay... - Hey, I'm looking for Yara. - Arnold: Yara? - (laughing): Yo! What? Um... Yara, I have a singing telegram from Owen. (all exclaiming) Oh, my God. ♪ You know the bed feels colder ♪ ♪ Being here alone ♪ ♪ I still have dreams of us older ♪ ♪ Doing anything we want ♪ ♪ You think you got the best of me ♪ ♪ You think I gave you my best parts ♪ ♪ And you think everything good is gone ♪ ♪ Thought you seen me broken down ♪ ♪ Thought that I'd come running back ♪ ♪ Smoothie, you know me ♪ ♪ That's what this is ♪ (laughter) (Arnold vocalizing) ♪ 'Cause what doesn't kill us makes us stronger ♪ ♪ Be a little kinder ♪ ♪ Help each other be better than on our own ♪ ♪ I love to see you be inspired ♪ ♪ Rub your feet when you are tired ♪ ♪ To me you are the feeling of being home ♪ ♪ I love you as you are-a ♪ ♪ You're Yara ♪ ♪ And to me you are a star ♪ ♪ Let's stay together, Smoothie ♪ ♪ Stay home and watch a movie ♪ ♪ Or tie me up like a rope bunny ♪ ♪ I love you as you are-a ♪ ♪ You're Yara! ♪ (cheering and applause) - Arnold: Look who's here! - Elna: Wait. Is he here? - Woman: Oh. - Elna: Oh, my God, that's him. Ira: Is that the boyfriend? All: Aw! Ira: So when you came to New York, what did you think you were going to be doing? Arnold: Not this. I moved here with my BFA, and I just wanted to perform, and this is one of the jobs where you get to perform. I don't have the privilege of not working. - This is what I do. - I don't know. Like, how often is it good? (sighs) You know. I'll say this: Every day is different, every day is hard, but it has its moments. Ira: The way I think of Arnold's job is like the weirdest recycling job ever. Taking these songs, changing them around a little, and performing them in a setting they were not made for. Repurposing them for this audience that usually does not want them. Honestly it's hard to imagine a tougher room, a more hostile crowd than the one that Arnold faces, day in and day out. Good girl. Ira: But he shows up with these unwanted songs, - and he is not embraced. - (dog howls) It's like he's disposable. Until finally, not very often, the true love that lives inside those old songs finds a home. - This is FOMO. - Hi, FOMO. She'll be hanging out with us this summer. That makes me happy. (grunting): Yeah. There you go. - Hey, what are you doin'? - I'm doin' a little... - Come on! Come on, come on! - All right, all right. Thank you so much. Thank you. - Oh dang! Got it! - You weren't kiddin' around. - (grunts) - Got it. Ira: And God knows I have to say that lots of stories that we do here on the radio, is only by diving into the darkest feelings, the worst moments a person possibly goes through... that we get to anything worth hearing. And what makes it kinda beautiful and it's a little corny, but it's true, is how random it is. So often it's just like this random moment, you know? You see something on the curb that nobody wanted. You realize like, oh, that can be mine, like that is mine now. Like this moment of random greatness pops into your day that was otherwise monumental garbage. That's our show today: People going deep into the trash, hoping to pull out something good. From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life. I'm Ira Glass. Stay with us. (breathes deeply) Man: Perfect. Do it again? ("Sans Cesse, Mon Cheri" by Domenique Dumont playing) [♪♪] (woman singing in French)
doc_296	Act One MAMMA MIA! Scene One - Café Nervosa. Frasier and Niles are sat chatting. Niles: Oh, I got your message about the wine club, Friday night, and yes, I will be there. Frasier: Oh, good, Dad's kicking me out of the house that night so he and Sherry can have a little party. [laughs] Oh, I don't know. Life really is a circle, isn't it? I'm letting Dad use my place for his friends to get together, and just a few years ago it would have been Dad who'd have to leave his house for my parties. Niles: Yes, if you'd had any parties when we were young that would be filled with irony! Daphne enters and sits with them. Daphne: Thank goodness you're here, I've got some rather shocking news. Niles: What is it? Daphne: I found a ring in your father's underwear drawer. Frasier: [shocked] What on earth would leave a ring around his underwear drawer? Daphne: Not around, in! An engagement ring in a jewelry box. Niles: An engagement ring? Dad must be about to ask Sherry to marry him. Do you know what that means? Frasier: Yes, we're going to hear what Mendelssohn's "Wedding March" sounds like on [in horror] the banjo! Niles: It means she's going to be our mother. What are we going to do? Frasier: Well, there's nothing we can do, Niles. It's what Dad wants. Niles: But... what do we even call her? Frasier: Well, I suppose she'll want us to call her "mother." No, that's too formal. "Mama"... no, "Ma!" Niles: [in dread] Ooh, better still. "Don't you look nice, Ma." "Yes, I'd love another corn dog, Ma." "Off to the roller derby, Ma'?" Daphne: That's typical of you two. Your father is about to get married and all you two can think about is how it will affect you. [pause] What about me?! Frasier: What about you? Daphne: Sherry's never exactly liked me. You don't think she'll try to make your father get rid of me, do you? Frasier: Oh, Daphne, of course not. He'd be lost without you. Niles: Yes, and even if by some chance that were to happen, Daphne, I could always use you. [realizing innuendo] I, I would know of a position you could take... [digging into a hole] ...services that you could perform. [holds himself, then:] I would know of an opening... [realizes the path he has taken and takes up the check] This is on me. Daphne nods at him in confusion. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Niles and Frasier are sat on the sofa as Sherry and Martin prepare for their party. Sherry: Marty, you need to stir the dip more, it's got whole lumps of soup mix in it. Martin: Sorry. Frasier: My, my, my, quite a little shindig you two are planning for tonight. We have the cheese logs, the erotic fortune cookies. For after dinner, a bloopers tape: "Too Hot For Hee-Haw." Niles: I see that Martha Stewart party book I gave you really paid off. Sherry: Oh, this old crowd, they wouldn't go for that fru-fru stuff. Get 'em liquored up, put out some corn nuts and they can go all night. Frasier: When you say all night-? Martin: [finishes stirring] There you go, smooth as silk. Sherry: [kisses him] Thank you. Niles: Who's going to be attending this soirée? Sherry: Oh, just some old friends I'm dying for Marty to meet. Now, let's see, there's Ray and Lola Sherwood - well, I worked with them in Atlantic City when they had a knife-throwing act. Oh, now, Marty, try not to stare at her eyes, she gets self-conscious. And, let's see. Oh, and Edith's coming with her new fiancé. Martin: Oh, she finally met him, huh? Sherry: Mm, just this week. Niles: They're engaged and they just met this weekend? Sherry: Well, you see, up until now, it's been kind of a pen-pal relationship. He's been... detained the last few years. Frasier: Well, you know, you're going to need some room for those corn nuts, why don't I just get this pesky priceless sculpture out of your way! Frasier hurriedly removes the Chihuly to his room. [N.B. Since the Chihuly is a genuine work of art, valued at upwards of $75,000, it is always removed from the set before any scene that involves rough-housing in the living room.] Sherry: Marty, I never heard back from Vic and Linda, did you get a message? Martin: No. Sherry: Oh, gee, maybe they left one on my machine. Sherry phones through to her machine. Martin: So, what are you guys up to tonight? Niles has just read one of the fortune cookies, and is gaping when he suddenly realizes Martin's question. Niles: Em, our wine club is having a vertical tasting at the "Opus One." Martin: Oh, well, don't drink too much. Niles: [laughs] It's not like that, Dad, you don't actually drink the wine. You just swish it around and spit it out. Martin: We all did that at Duke's New Year's Eve party. Of course, it wasn't wine, it was egg salad! Frasier enters as Sherry hangs up. Sherry: You know, that is so weird. I just got a message from my manager down at McGinty's. Some guy came in asking a lot of questions about me. Martin: What kind of questions? Sherry: Well, like where I used to work, the people I used to date, and the weirdest part is, my neighbor told me somebody came around asking her about me too. Martin: Sounds like somebody's checking up on ya'. Sherry: Like a detective? Martin: Oh no, it's probably a credit card company, something like that, I wouldn't worry about it. Martin gets up from the table and casually walks toward Frasier and Niles, as Sherry goes into the kitchen. Sherry: Well, still, it is a little scary. I wish I knew who it was. Martin: Oh, forget about it, I've been through this before. Private investigators never leave a trail. Really, it could be anyone. Sherry: If you think so. Once she's into the kitchen, Martin rounds on Frasier and Niles. Martin: [whispering furiously] Which one of you hired him?! Frasier: Well, that is just crazy! Martin: Oh, come on, who else would have the money to do something like that? Frasier: I have no idea, we have nothing to do with it. Do you really think that we would hire someone to spy on Sherry? My God, I'm insulted! Niles: As am I! Martin: Well, all right. Maybe I was jumping to the wrong conclusion. Frasier: You most certainly have! Martin: I'm sorry, boys. Frasier: It's all right, Dad. Niles: Just forget about it. Martin exits to the kitchen. Frasier rounds on Niles. Frasier: [whispering furiously] You hired a detective, how could you?! Niles: I have never been so insul-! Frasier: Niles! Niles: Okay, I'm sorry. I was just looking out for Dad here. I mean, what do we really know about this woman? Frasier: She makes Dad happy, that's all we need to know. Niles: Is it? Some people do get married before they know all they should. Remember Cousin Donald? He was married two years before he found out his wife used to be a man. Frasier: Yes, well, Cousin Donald is a very rare case. First, most people don't have a hidden past; and second, most people have a better eye for details than Cousin Donald. For God's sake, the woman could pick up a watermelon with one hand! Niles: I was just simply trying to get some background information. Frasier: Well, stop it. Call it off right now, Niles. Niles: Consider it done. Frasier: All right. Niles: We gotta run. Frasier: Yeah. [shouts through] Goodbye. Martin: [o.s] Bye, boys. Sherry: [o.s] Have a nice time you two, we'll save you some cake. Frasier: Thank you. [to Niles] You see that, how sweet she is? My God, I can't believe you're actually having that woman investigated. You know, try to have a little trust in people! Frasier quickly takes one of his precious African art sculptures from the table and into his jacket for safety before leaving with Niles. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Café Nervosa. Roz enters as she meets Frasier. Niles is sat on a front table discussing matters with a detective. Roz: You see someone following me? Frasier: Yes, you can play along now. A female police officer enters as Roz and Frasier sit. The officer has a rather large stomach. Police: Ah, excuse me, ma'am, I saw you cross against the light. I'm going to have to write you a ticket. Roz: [winded voice] Oh, well, I'm really sorry about that. It's just that it's so cold out there and the pollution, I just didn't want to expose my unborn child to the elements any longer than I needed to. [Roz stands revealing her bump] Police: You're pregnant? Well, I know a little bit about that myself. Roz: Then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Society doesn't go easy on pregnant ladies, does it? [pats officer's "bump"] So, when are you due? Police: I'm not pregnant! Roz: [submitting] That's Roz Doyle. Police: Would you step over here? Roz: R-O-Z. Frasier goes to Niles and the detective. Frasier: Hello, Niles. Niles: Oh, hello, Frasier. May I borrow your pen? Frasier: Certainly. [hands it over as he shakes the detective's hand] How do you do? Niles: [writes check] I appreciate all your hard work and I am sorry to have to break off the investigation in the middle. Detective: That's all right, people change their minds all the time. Niles: I'm sure they do. [hands it over] There you are. Detective: Thank you. The detective leaves. Frasier: There now, don't you feel better? Niles: I suppose so. Frasier: You have to admit, I was right on this one. There was absolutely no justification for giving into your baser instincts of prying in Sherry's past. The detective comes back. Detective: I almost forgot. I wrote up a little report on what I found out so far. That's one interesting lady. He hands them a brown envelope and exits. Niles: Well, I should have just told him to drop that in the trash. After all, we're concerned with Dad's happiness. Sometimes, Frasier, you are like the beacon piercing the fog of my baser instincts. [to waitress] Excuse me, would you just drop that in the... Frasier snatches it off of him as she disperses. Frasier: I see your point. [opens the envelope] I hate myself for what I'm doing. Niles: Frasier, we're doing it for Dad's own good. Frasier: [reads document] Oh, so far, so good: graduated from high school; almost paid off her Subaru; you know she's been married. Niles: Yes, she mentioned that, to Johnny Dempsey. Frasier: There were two others. Ned Foley, Mark Wallace... Niles: That's a bit troubling, three previous marriages. Frasier: ...Vincent Mayhew, Guiltham Mandel, Waltz... Niles: Just give me the total! Frasier: Six that we know of. God, you had to go and fire that detective before he finishes reporting! Niles: Six? [reads them] Frasier: Yes, she's obviously incapable of remaining in a relationship. That doesn't bode well for the marriage, does it? Niles: And on the other hand, it does bode well for Dad getting a "yes" when he proposes. He has a right to know about this. Frasier: But we already told him we weren't involved in the investigation, we can't just tell him now we were lying! Niles: Maybe there's some way to impart the information without explaining how we came by it. You know, just sort of drop it casually in the conversation. Frasier: And how would that go? [deadpan:] Oh, Dad, you going to the Sherry Ex-Husband Convention this year? Besides that, you know, Dad may know everything already. Niles: I think we need to find that out. How would we feel if we let Dad marry this woman, and in a year's time he's tossed aside like Danny Mitchell. Frasier: Who's that? Niles: Page five, engaged but never married. [SCENE_BREAK] End of Act One [SCENE_BREAK] Act Two Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. Daphne and Niles are sat on the couch whilst Frasier is standing as Martin walks in wearing his best clothes from his room. Martin: Hey, boys. [they greet him] Daph', what do you think about this jacket? I don't know, it just - something doesn't quite feel right. Daphne: I think it's nice. Martin: Really? Daphne: Yes. Martin goes to the powder room to smarten himself. Frasier: You know, Dad, I was talking with a lady today down at the café and I happened to mention that I'd been married twice before, and a look clouded over her face as if I'd confessed to some unspeakable sin! Niles: Makes you wonder what people go through who've been married even more times than that. Quite a taboo they face. Daphne: Oh, I don't know, some... The boys quiet her, the she looks confused. Frasier: You know, Dad, I think it harkens back to the puritanical streak that still runs through this country. What do you think? Martin: [enters] There's a yakkety-yak streak that runs through this family. Maybe, it's the shirt, do you like this shirt? Daphne: Yes, it's nice. Frasier: That'd make a good topic to discuss on my show. Niles, you know the hurdles that are faced by people with multiple marriages. Niles: Of course, the hard part would be rounding up enough people who've been married a significant number of times. Do you know anyone? Frasier: No, I don't. Daphne: You know, Mrs. Krabs upstairs- Frasier: How about you, Dad? Martin: Oh, yeah, sure, I know some people. Frasier: Really? You do. Martin: Well, I think. Niles: You think. Martin: Well, maybe I do, maybe I don't, who cares? I hate this shirt, I better go change this shirt! Martin exits. Frasier: Well, that was fruitless! Daphne: I'll tell you one thing I'm sure of. Daphne stares into space as Frasier and Niles look at her inquisitively. Frasier: Yes?! Daphne: Oh, I'm allowed to talk now, am I? [pause] I've never seen your father so nervous. He's meeting Sherry at McGinty's, I bet he's planning to pop the question. Niles: Well, that's it Frasier, we're just going to tell him what we found out. Frasier: Yes, but we still don't know what he knows. Niles: Don't you think if she had told him she had been married six times, then he would remember? Daphne: Who, Sherry? They nod as Martin enters in the same shirt but a different jacket. Martin: You know, maybe this shirt isn't so bad. Especially with this new jacket. What do you think of this new jacket? Daphne: I think it's nice. Sherry's been married six times? Martin: Who told you that? Daphne: [realizing her mistake] They did. [points to brothers] Niles and Frasier look guilty. Martin: What's this all about? Frasier: You know, Dad, I'd love to see that first shirt with the second jacket. Martin: Oh, come on. You got this from the investigator - you did hire him, didn't you? Niles looks shocked as Frasier decides to confess. Frasier: All right, I guess there's no use denying it. Yes, yes, we did hire him. Although the word "we" is not entirely accurate. Niles: Frasier, I am shocked... Frasier: Oh, shut up, Niles! Look, Dad, we were just concerned about you. We know about the engagement ring. Martin: My ring? Which one of you went through my drawers? Frasier: Right now, pointing fingers is not going to do us any good. Martin: What the hell is the matter with you two? Frasier: She did it! [points to Daphne] Martin: Well, it's nice to know there isn't a single person in this house I can trust. Sherry told me about her marriages the first week of our dating! I didn't tell you because it's none of your damn business, just like it's none of your damn business who I marry or who I don't marry! I don't know why I'm even wasting my time talking to you! Martin exits. Daphne: Do you see what I get for confiding in you two blabbermouths! The next time I find something interesting in your father's underwear drawer, I'm just gonna sit on it! Daphne exits to Martin's room as the boys give each other a look. Niles: Well, this evening is an entire disaster. I'm already late for dinner with Maris. I just don't know how this could have happened. [goes to door but doesn't open it] Frasier: Yes, who'd have guessed that something so innocent as spying on a man's girlfriend and rifling his underwear drawer can turn so ugly! Niles: Well, there is one consolation. We told Dad the truth and we were able to bear his anger. That's the nice thing about our relationship, we're all adults. We can talk things through, we're not afraid of confrontation... Frasier: Stop stalling, Niles! Dad must be on the elevator by now! Niles checks through the spy-hole, nods in confirmation and exits as Daphne enters. Daphne: Look what I found in your father's jacket. Frasier: I do not want to know about it. Daphne: He forgot the ring! This is going to be embarrassing for him. I suppose I could take it down to him. Frasier: [takes ring] No, no, Daphne. I should do that. It will give me an excellent opportunity to show him just how happy I am that he's marrying Sherry. Daphne: That would be very nice. Frasier: Yes. I just can't figure out why he would propose in a place like McGinty's! It seems like such a shabby setting. [looks at ring] Well, I guess he was just trying to match the ring. Frasier exits. [SCENE_BREAK] GIVE ME A RING SOMETIME Scene Two - McGinty's. Sherry and Martin are sat on the front table chatting. Sherry: So I told her that you and I would take a trip up there this spring. [Martin is quiet] Well, you like my sister, right? Martin: Yeah, sure. Sherry: Oh, now, come on, Mart'. You can't hold one little embarrassing moment against her. She didn't know you were in there! Martin: No, no, I don't. I like your sister. Sherry: Well, then what is wrong with you? You're being so quiet. Martin: I got something on my mind. Sherry: Well, what is it? Martin: I've been thinking a lot about us and... where do you see us going? Sherry: Gee, I don't know. I mean, I'm having fun the way things are. You have your life, I have mine. No pressure. Martin: That's what I thought you'd say. Sherry: There's nothing wrong with us just having fun. Martin: No. It's just that we've been just having fun for a long time now. Let me ask you something, where do you see us in a year? Five years? Sherry: Oh, gee, I don't know, I try not to look too far ahead. Martin: Well, I guess that's the difference between us. Because I can't stop thinking that far ahead. You know, I've come to realize, Sherry, that I want to get married again. And you know it's not anything you're interested in. Sherry: Well, can you blame me? I mean, Marty you know my track record, I've been down that road a lot of times! I mean, I've learned the hard way, I'm not looking for forever. Martin: I am. Sherry: So... so you're breaking up with me? Martin: We're just looking for different things, Sherry. I'm sorry. Sherry and Martin try to hold back their emotions. Martin: It's hot in here. Sherry: Yeah. Martin takes out a handkerchief and brings it to his forehead, but he drops it on the floor. Martin goes down to the floor to pick it up. Frasier sees him from the door and it looks like he is getting down on bended knee to propose. Frasier runs in. Frasier: Dad, Dad! Martin: What? Frasier: I'm glad I've seen you. Martin: Get out of here. [sits] Frasier: Dad, Dad, I've got something that I think you might like to have before you tell Sherry whatever it is you want to tell her. Sherry: Oh, he's already told me. Frasier: He has? Well, that is just wonderful and may I say, it's about time! I couldn't be happier for you. Sherry: That's nice to know. Martin: Frasier! Frasier: I'd like you to know that everybody is one hundred percent behind this decision - my God, we're all so excited. Martin: FRASIER! Sherry: Well, I'm so glad that you're so happy your father's breaking up with me. Frasier: [realizes] Breaking up? [pause] I had no idea. Sherry: And you get paid to help people through their difficult moments? Frasier exits in embarrassment. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - McGinty's. Time has lapsed. Sherry and Martin are at the door bidding their farewells. Martin: It isn't easy to say goodbye, is it? Sherry: No. It doesn't get any easier either, I should know. Listen, Marty, this is usually the time people say, "Well, let's be friends" and then, oh, there's a phone call or two but they never see each other again and, well, I just want you to know I am around for you if you ever get lonely or you just need to talk. Martin: Thanks. [they hug] Sherry: Oh, and when you call, if a man answers - hang up. Martin laughs with her as she leaves. Martin goes to the bar and stares up at the game on the television whilst contemplating life without Sherry. Frasier enters and sits with him. Frasier: Hi, Dad. The only reason I came down here was to bring you this. [hands over ring] Obviously I made another colossal blunder in a week full of them. I'm really sorry, Dad. [Martin is silent] I guess you don't really feel like talking. Martin: You know, Frasier, sometimes I just feel like sitting here and watching the game, all right? Frasier: Fine, I can do that. Martin: Yeah. Frasier: Sure. [looks up] So the, er, Sonics and the, er, Bulls. That Jordan, he's really something, huh? Yeah. The way he scores those points and gets the ball back when the other team misses... Wow! That's incredible. He made the same impossible shot twice in a row! Martin: It's the instant replay. [pause, looks at ring] You know, I was carrying this thing around for a month. Frasier: Really? Martin: Yeah, but at the end of every night I just couldn't pop the question, and then I realized I knew what the answer would be. She didn't want to get married again. Frasier: I'm sorry, Dad. Martin: Oh, it's all right. Maybe it wouldn't have worked out between us anyway. Your mom's a hard act to follow! I never went through anything like this with her. We knew we were meant to be together and that was that. Frasier: It's hard to find that out, Dad. I've been trying for a while. Martin: [pats him on the shoulder] You'll get there. I hope we both do. Frasier: Well, Dad, in time. The father and son look up at the television together. Frasier: Well, that was quite a shot! Martin: Patton's been pretty hot lately. Frasier: What's the score here, anyway? Martin: Sonics are only down by five, they've still got a chance if they can hold Jordan. Frasier: [to waiter] Can I have a beer here, please? Martin: [to waiter] Yeah, make that two. Frasier looks at his father in mutual respect. End of Act Two [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier's Apartment. Eddie is sat on a chair barking at something on the table. The camera pulls back to reveal it is a little fish ornament that seems to be staring right at him.
doc_297	Broadcast 23 November 1963 Duration: 23 minutes 10 seconds [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. TOTTERS LANE (NIGHT) (On a dark foggy night a lone policeman patrols his beat through the empty streets of London. Nearby a clock chimes 3 a.m. The policeman walks up to a pair of tall shabby wooden gates on which is painted I.M. Foreman Scrap Merchant Totters Lane The policeman shines his torch onto the gates then proceeds into the night. Behind him, one of the gates creaks open revealing that hidden within the scrap and junk of yard is the incongruous shape of a London police box. That is strange enough in itself, but even stranger is the fact that the box is emitting a low electronic hum.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. COAL HILL SCHOOL. CORRIDOR (The ringing of the bell brings an end to another day at the school. The students spill out of the classrooms, chattering to each other. A woman, BARBARA WRIGHT, follows the students out, calling back into the classroom.) BARBARA: Wait in here please, Susan. I won't be long. (Various pupils say "Good night, Miss Wright as they walk past BARBARA. Two female students walk along the corridor, very interested in the paper they're reading. A young male student comes up, mocking their excited tones. The girls roll their eyes. One whispers something naughty to the other, they smile and move along. BARBARA walks up behind them up to another classroom door. With a quick knock, she walks in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. COAL HILL SCHOOL. LABORATORY (Inside another teacher, IAN CHESTERTON sits at a lab bench, marking some papers. He looks up as BARBARA enters.) IAN: Not gone yet? BARBARA: Obviously not. IAN: Ask a silly question... BARBARA: I'm sorry. IAN: It's all right. I'll forgive you this time. (BARBARA walks up to the bench and sits.) BARBARA: Oh, I've had a terrible day. I don't know what to make of it. IAN: Oh? What's the trouble? Can I help? BARBARA: Oh, it's one of the girls: Susan Foreman. IAN: Susan Foreman? Oh ho. She your problem too? BARBARA: Yes. IAN: And you don't know what to make of her? BARBARA: No. IAN: How old is she, Barbara? BARBARA: fifteen IAN: Fifteen...she lets her knowledge out a bit at a time, so as not to embarrass me: that's what I feel about her. She knows more science than I'll ever know. She's a genius! Is that what she's doing with history? BARBARA: Something like that. IAN: So, your problem is whether to stay in business or hand over the class to her. BARBARA: No, not quite. IAN: (Laughs.) what then? BARBARA: Ian, I must talk to someone about this, but I don't want the girl to get into trouble. And I know you're going to tell me I'm imagining things. IAN: No, I'm not. BARBARA: Well, I told you how good she is at history. I had a talk with her, and I told her she ought to specialise. Well, she seemed quite interested 'till I said I'd be willing to work with her at her home. Then she said that would be "absolutely impossible" as her grandfather didn't like strangers. IAN: (Getting up and walking around to a sink.) He's a doctor, isn't he? It's a bit of a lame excuse. BARBARA: Well, I didn't pursue the point. But then recently, her homework's been so bad. IAN: (Washing his hands.) Yes, I know. BARBARA: Finally, I was so irritated with all her excuses, I decided to have a talk with this grandfather of hers and tell him to take some interest in her. IAN: Oh, did you indeed? And what's the old boy like? BARBARA: Well, that's just it. I got her address from the secretary - 76 Totters Lane - and I went along there one evening. (IAN finishes washing his hands.) BARBARA: Oh Ian, do pay attention! (He walks across the room to dry his hands.) IAN: Sorry. You went along there one evening... BARBARA: Well, there isn't anything there. It's just an old junkyard. IAN: Well, you must've gone to the wrong place. BARBARA: Well that's the address the secretary gave me. IAN: Well the secretary got it wrong then... BARBARA: No. I checked. There's a big wall on one side, houses on the other, and nothing in the middle. And this 'nothing in the middle' is No. 76 Totters Lane! IAN: Mmm...that's a bit of mystery. Well, there must be a simple answer somewhere. BARBARA: Well, what? IAN: (Grins.) Well, we'll have to find out for ourselves, won't we? BARBARA: (Grins.) Thank you for the "we". She's waiting in one of the classrooms. I'm lending her a book on the French Revolution. IAN: What's she going to do - rewrite it? (BARBARA rolls her eyes, and the two teachers get up to leave.) IAN: Oh, all right! (He grabs his coat.) What do we do? Ask her point blank? BARBARA: No. I thought we could drive there, wait 'till she arrives and see where she goes. IAN: (Puts his coat on.) Oh...all right. BARBARA: Well, that is, if you're not doing anything. IAN: No, I'm not. (He opens the door.) After you... [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. COAL HILL SCHOOL. CLASSROOM (15-year old SUSAN FOREMAN - the subject of the teacher's conversation - is listening to a little pocket radio, putting it up to her ear. She's a slim beauty with elfin features, unusually short dark hair and unusual eyes. She dances strangely to the music by making abrupt movements with her right hand and fake strumming a guitar. Behind her, IAN and BARBARA walk in. She's oblivious to them. Both smile with amusement.) BARBARA: Susan? SUSAN: (Putting down the radio.) Oh, I-I'm sorry, Miss Wright! I didn't hear you coming in. Aren't they fabulous? BARBARA: Who? SUSAN: I-It's John Smith and the Common Men. They've gone from 19 to 2. BARBARA: (Not understanding a bit of it.) Hmm. (She looks puzzled.) IAN: (Laughing.) "John Smith" is the stage name of the honourable Aubrey Waites. He started his career as Chris Waites and the Carollers, didn't he, Susan? SUSAN: You are surprising, Mr. Chesterton. I wouldn't expect you to know things like that. IAN: I have an enquiring mind...(Motions to the loud radio.) and a very sensitive ear. SUSAN: Oh, (Turning the radio off, slightly flustered.) I'm sorry. IAN: Thank you. SUSAN: (Noticing the book that BARBARA is holding.) Is that the book you promised me? BARBARA: (Hands it over.) Yes. SUSAN: Thank you very much. It will be interesting...I'll return it tomorrow. BARBARA: Oh, that's not necessary. Keep it until you've finished it. SUSAN: (She picks up her school bag.) I'll have finished it. (IAN and BARBARA glance at each other in surprise.) IAN: Oh, where do you live, Susan? I'm giving Miss Wright a lift. I've room for one more. SUSAN: Er...no thank you, Mr. Chesterton. Er...I like walking through the dark. It's mysterious. BARBARA: Be careful, Susan. There'll probably be fog again tonight. SUSAN: (Arranging things in her school bag.) Hmm. BARBARA: See you in the morning. SUSAN: I expect so. Good night. BARBARA: Good night. IAN: Good night, Susan. (IAN and BARBARA leave the room. SUSAN looks behind her at the closing door then picks up her book - "The French Revolution," and starts to read a page at random. A moment later, she blinks at the book, startled.) SUSAN: That's not right...! [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. TOTTERS LANE. (NIGHT) (IAN and BARBARA are in his car as it arrives in Totters Lane.) BARBARA: Over there! (The car comes to a stop before the old wooden gate to the junkyard. The two teachers remain in the vehicle.) IAN: Lucky there was no fog. I'd never have found this. BARBARA: Well, she doesn't seem to have arrived yet. (She pauses nervously.) I suppose we are doing the right thing, aren't we? IAN: You can't justify curiosity. BARBARA: But her homework... IAN: Bit of an excuse, really, isn't it? I've seen far worse. The truth is, we're both curious about Susan, and we won't be happy until we know some of the answers. BARBARA: Well, you can't just pass it off like that. If I thought I was just being a busybody, I'd go straight home! I thought you agreed she was a bit of a mystery! IAN: Yes, but I think you'll find there's a very simple explanation to all this. BARBARA: Well, I don't know how you explain the fact that a teenage girl does not know how many shillings there are in a pound. IAN: (Surprised.) Really? BARBARA: Really! She said she thought we were on the decimal system. IAN: The decimal system? [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. COAL HILL SCHOOL. BARBARA 'S CLASSROOM (FLASHBACK) (The whole of BARBARA'S history class is laughing at SUSAN'S naiveté. A visibly stung SUSAN turns her back on the other students and stares directly at BARBARA - the scene is seen from her point of view.) SUSAN: I'm sorry, Miss Wright. BARBARA: (OOV: Cross.) Don't be silly, Susan. The United States has a decimal system. You know perfectly well that we do not. SUSAN: (In a shock of understanding.) Of course - the decimal system hasn't started yet! [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. TOTTERS LANE. (CONTINUED) (IAN rubs his chin in thought.) IAN: I suppose she couldn't be a foreigner...no, it doesn't make sense! Nothing about this girl makes sense. For instance, just the other day, I was talking about chemical changes. I'd given out the litmus paper to show cause and effect... BARBARA: ...and she knew the answer before you'd started. IAN: Well, not quite. The answer simply didn't interest her... [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. COAL HILL SCHOOL. LABORATORY (FLASHBACK) (A nervous SUSAN at the lab bench, again surrounded by her fellow pupils, addresses IAN, who's walking toward her - again it is from the teachers point of view.) SUSAN: Yes, I can see red turns to blue, Mr. Chesterton, but that's because we're dealing with two inactive chemicals. They only act in relation to each other. IAN: (OOV, Exasperated.) But that's the whole point of the experiment, Susan. SUSAN: Yes, it's a bit obvious, isn't it? Well, I-I'm not trying to be rude, but...couldn't we deal with two active chemicals? Then red could turn blue all by itself and we could get on with something else. (Her expression turns sheepish as she glances at her fellow pupils and she speaks more quietly.) SUSAN: I'm sorry. It was just an idea. [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. TOTTERS LANE. (CONTINUED) IAN: She means it. These simple experiments are child's play to her. BARBARA: You know, it's almost got to the point where I want to deliberately trip her up. IAN: (Laughing quietly.) Yes...something like that happened the other day. I'd set the class a problem with A, B, and C as the three dimensions... [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. COAL HILL SCHOOL. LABORATORY (FLASHBACK) (SUSAN is clearly upset. For the final time she faces IAN full on.) SUSAN: It's impossible unless you use D and E! IAN: (OOV.) D and E? Whatever for? Do the problem that's set, Susan. SUSAN: I can't, Mr. Chesterton! You can't simply work on three of the dimensions! IAN: (OOV.) Three of them? Oh. Time being the fourth, I suppose. Then what do you need E for? What do you make the fifth dimension? SUSAN: (Quietly and somewhat mysteriously.) Space... [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. TOTTERS LANE. (CONTINUED) BARBARA: Too many questions and not enough answers. IAN: Too stupid...or just doesn't know. So, we have a fifteen-year old girl who is absolutely brilliant at some things and excruciatingly bad at others. BARBARA: (Pointing out of the cars windscreen window.) There she is! (At the entrance to the junkyard, SUSAN, in her hat and coat with her bag over her shoulder, looks round furtively, then pushes open the gate and enters the yard.) BARBARA: Look, can we go in? I..I hate to think of her, alone in that place. IAN: If she is alone. Look, she is fifteen...she might be meeting a boy. Didn't that occur to you? BARBARA: I almost hope she is. IAN: What do you mean? BARBARA: Well, it would be so wonderfully normal. (Both teachers laugh. But BARBARA grows sombre.) BARBARA: It's silly, isn't it? I feel frightened...as if we're about to interfere in something that is best left alone... [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. JUNKYARD. 76 TOTTERS LANE (SUSAN walking through the junkyard, puts something to eat in her mouth. A tailors dummy with a broken head stands behind her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. TOTTERS LANE (IAN opens up the car door.) IAN: Come on, let's get it over with. (He and BARBARA get out of the car, and start toward the gate. BARBARA is getting more and more uneasy, and hangs back.) BARBARA: Well, don't you feel it? IAN: I take things as they come, come on. (The two teachers walk towards the gates.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. JUNKYARD. 76 TOTTERS LANE (With a creak of the gate, IAN and BARBARA enter the junkyard. IAN switches on his torch and they stare at the mounds of junk. SUSAN is nowhere in sight. They briefly examine the tailors dummy.) IAN: What a mess. I'm not turning any of this stuff over to find her... BARBARA: (Points.) Over there? (IAN starts in the direction indicated, only to stumble over one of the pieces of junk. He picks himself back up.) IAN: Blast! I dropped it! BARBARA: What? IAN: The torch! BARBARA: Well, use a match! IAN: No, I haven't got any. Oh, never mind. (The two teachers continue their exploration of the junkyard - now somewhat in darkness.) BARBARA: Susan? IAN: Susan? Susan? (IAN starts up a short flight of stairs which lead to the building at the back of the yard.) IAN: Susan? (He comes back down.) IAN: Susan! Mr. Chesterton and Miss Wright! (He looks behind the stairs then, quietly to himself.) IAN: Can't have got out without us seeing her? BARBARA: Ian...look at this! (BARBARA has found the Police Box, which stands next to the stairs.) IAN: Well, it's a police box! What on earth's it doing here? Well, these things are usually on the street... (IAN has put his hand on the box's side whilst saying this but he stops dead in surprise. He touches it with his full hand, more firmly.) IAN: Feel it! Feel it! (BARBARA quickly puts the back of her hand on and off the side of the box.) IAN: Did you feel it? BARBARA: It's a faint vibration... (He takes a step back from the box.) IAN: It's alive! (IAN quickly walks around the back of the box as BARBARA waits.) IAN: It's not connected to anything, unless it's through the floor. BARBARA: Look, I-I've had enough. Let's go and find a policeman. IAN: Yes, all right... (A coughing sound echoes through the junkyard from outside the gates.) BARBARA: Is that her? IAN: That's not her... (The gate creaks open.) IAN: Quick! (They hide behind the stairs. An OLD MAN walks into view. Seemingly in his mid seventies, with straight, slightly long white hair, wearing an Astrakhan hat, cloak and scarf. He coughs and waves a handkerchief to clear the air. He walks up to the box, pulling out a key and, holding a slim pen flashlight in the other hand, starts to insert the key into the lock set into the box's door.) SUSAN: (OOV.) There you are, Grandfather! BARBARA: (Whispering but shocked.) It's Susan! IAN: Shh! (The OLD MAN has heard them. He pockets the key and shines the torch on the stairs as IAN comes out of hiding.) IAN: (Sheepishly.) Excuse me... OLD MAN: (Shining the pen torch at his face.) What are you doing here? IAN: Uh, we're looking for a girl. OLD MAN: We? BARBARA: (Stepping into view.) Good evening. OLD MAN: What do you want? IAN: Um...one of our pupils, Susan Foreman, came into this yard. OLD MAN: (A smile on his face.) Really? In here? Are you sure? BARBARA: Yes. We saw her from across the street. OLD MAN: (To himself.) One of their pupils. Not the police, then... IAN: Er...I...I beg your pardon?? OLD MAN: (He fixes IAN with a stare.) Why were you spying on her? Who are you? IAN: We heard a young girl's voice call out to you... OLD MAN: Your hearing must be very acute. I didn't hear anything. BARBARA: (She points at the box.) It came from in here! OLD MAN: (A flash of fear crosses his face.) You imagined it. BARBARA: I certainly did not imagine it! (The OLD MAN pulls IAN by the arm to one side.) OLD MAN: Young man...Is it reasonable to suppose that anyone would be inside a cupboard like that, hmm? IAN: Would it therefore be unreasonable to ask you to let us have a look inside? (The OLD MAN'S attention is suddenly drawn to a painting amid the junk.) OLD MAN: (Picks the painting up.) I wonder why I've never seen that before. Now, isn't that strange? Pretty damp and dirty...hmm... BARBARA: Won't you help us? We're two of her teachers from the Coal Hill School. We saw her come in and we haven't seen her leave. Naturally, we're worried... OLD MAN: (Not paying attention and muttering to himself.) Have to be cleaned... (He suddenly seems to notice her again.) Mmm? Oh, I'm afraid it's none of my business. I suggest you leave here. (He puts the painting back down and walks back to the Police box.) IAN: Not until we're satisfied that Susan isn't here and, frankly, I don't understand your attitude... OLD MAN: Oh, yours leaves a lot to be desired. IAN: Will you open the door? OLD MAN: There's nothing in there! IAN: Then what are you afraid to show us? OLD MAN: Afraid? Oh, go away! IAN: (To BARBARA.) I think we'd better go and fetch a policeman. OLD MAN: Very well. IAN: And you're coming with us. OLD MAN: Oh...am I? (He chuckles.) I don't think so, young man. No, I don't think so... BARBARA: (Whisper.) We can't force him! IAN: (Whisper.) But we can't leave him here! Doesn't it seem obvious to you he's got her locked up in there? (BARBARA nods.) Look at it! (The OLD MAN is standing away from them again, now seemingly examining a small jug but his real attention is occupied by the teachers conversation as IAN examines the box's door.) IAN: There's no door handle...must be a secret lock somewhere. BARBARA: That was Susan's voice. IAN: Of course it was! Susan...Susan? Are you in there? It's Mr. Chesterton and Miss Wright, Susan! OLD MAN: Don't you think you're being rather high-handed, young man? You thought you saw a young girl enter the yard. You imagined you heard her voice. You believe she might be in there. It's not very substantial, is it? BARBARA: But why won't you help us? (He puts the jug back down and faces the teachers.) OLD MAN: I'm not hindering you. If you both want to make fools of yourselves, I suggest you do what you said you'd do. Go and find a policeman. IAN: While you nip off quietly in the other direction. OLD MAN: (Momentarily closes his eyes.) Insulting. (He faces them again.) There's only one way in and out of this yard. I shall be here when you get back. I want to see your faces when you try to explain away your behaviour to a policeman. IAN: Nevertheless, we're going to find one. Come along, Barbara. (The two teachers turn their backs on the OLD MAN, toward the gate. They've taken only a step when the door of the box opens.) SUSAN: (OOV.) What are you doing out there? IAN: She is in there! (Suddenly the OLD MAN rushes at the two teachers, trying to hold them back.) OLD MAN: Close the door! IAN: Barbara! (As IAN struggles with the OLD MAN, BARBARA dashes through the box's open door...) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. POLICE BOX (...and into a large brilliantly lit white room. The walls are covered with circular, indentations. A hexagonal-shaped control console with a cylindrical tube inset in the centre with machinery visible inside. Various antiques decorate the place. A monitor is set into the upper wall. A shocked SUSAN walks from behind the console. The OLD MAN and IAN walk inside behind BARBARA.) OLD MAN: Close the doors, Susan. (SUSAN activates a switch on the console, and the large double doors behind the group close with an electronic hum.) OLD MAN: (To SUSAN.) I believe these people are known to you. SUSAN: They're two of my schoolteachers! What are you doing here? BARBARA: (Looking around in wonder.) Where are we? OLD MAN: They must have followed you. That ridiculous school - I knew something like this would happen if we stayed in one place too long. SUSAN: But why should they follow me. BARBARA: Is this really where you live, Susan? SUSAN: Yes. OLD MAN: And what's wrong with it? IAN: But it was just a telephone box... OLD MAN: Perhaps. BARBARA: And this is your grandfather...? SUSAN: Yes. BARBARA: (To the OLD MAN - the DOCTOR that she spoke of earlier with IAN.) Well, why didn't you tell us that? DOCTOR: I don't discuss my private life with strangers. IAN: But it was a police telephone box. I walked all round it! Barbara, you saw me! (The DOCTOR crosses to an antique ormolu clock on a nearby stand.) DOCTOR: You don't deserve any explanations. You pushed your way in here, uninvited and unwelcome. BARBARA: I think we ought to leave... IAN: (To Barbara.) No, just a minute. (He crosses to the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: (To himself as he examines the clock.) Dear, dear, dear, this is very.... IAN: I know this is absurd, but I feel...I walked all around it! (The DOCTOR'S attention is still occupied by the clock.) DOCTOR: It's stopped again, you know, and I've tried... (He takes notice of IAN.) Hmm? Oh, you wouldn't understand at all. (He walks back to the console. IAN follows him.) IAN: But I want to understand! DOCTOR: (Uninterested.) Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. (The DOCTOR sheds his cloak and scarf over an old chair, keeping his hat on.) DOCTOR: Oh by the way Susan, I've managed to find a replacement for that faulty filament. Bit of an amateur job, but I, er, I think it'll serve. (The DOCTOR takes an electronic object out of his pocket and walks to the console. He starts to insert the object into the console, effecting repairs.) IAN: It's an illusion. It must be... DOCTOR: What is he talking about now? SUSAN: What are you doing here? DOCTOR: (Coughing quietly for attention.) You don't understand, so you find excuses. Illusions, indeed? You say you can't fit an enormous building into one of your smaller sitting rooms? IAN: No. DOCTOR: But you've discovered television, haven't you? IAN: Yes... DOCTOR: Then by showing an enormous building on your television screen, you can do what seemed impossible, couldn't you? IAN: Well...yes, but I still don't know... DOCTOR: It's not quite clear, is it? I can see by your face that you're not certain. You don't understand. (He laughs.) and I knew you wouldn't! Never mind. (He turns back to the console.) Now then, which switch was it...? No, no, no...Ah yes, that is it! (He flips the switch.) The point is not whether you understand... (He turns back to IAN.) What is going to happen to you, hmm? (To SUSAN.) They'll tell everybody about the ship now. IAN: The ship...? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, ship! This doesn't roll along on wheels, you know. BARBARA: You mean...it moves? SUSAN: The TARDIS can go anywhere. BARBARA: TARDIS? I don't understand you, Susan. SUSAN: Well, I made up the name TARDIS from the initials. Time And Relative Dimension In Space. I'd thought you both would understand when you saw the different dimensions inside from those outside. IAN: Let me get this straight. A thing that looks like a police box, standing in a junkyard...it can move anywhere in time and space!? SUSAN: Yes! DOCTOR: Quite so. IAN: But that's ridiculous! SUSAN: (Exasperated, to the DOCTOR.) Why won't they believe us? BARBARA: Well, how can we? DOCTOR: (He puts his hands on SUSAN'S shoulders.) Now, now, don't get exasperated, Susan. Remember the Red Indian. When he saw the first steam train, his savage mind thought it an illusion too. IAN: (Stung at the comparison.) You're treating us like children! DOCTOR: Am I? The children of my civilisation would be insulted. IAN: Your civilisation? DOCTOR: Yes, my civilisation. I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it. Have you ever thought about what it's like to be wanderers in the fourth dimension? Have you? To be exiles? (He motions to himself and SUSAN.) Susan and I are cut off from our own planet, without friends or protection. But one day... (He gazes into the distance, his arm around SUSAN.) ...we shall get back. Yes, one day...one day... SUSAN: (A little distraught as she faces the teachers.) It's true. Every word of it's true. You don't know what you've done coming here... (She turns to the DOCTOR.) Grandfather, let them go now, please! Look, if they don't understand, they can't...they can't hurt us at all! I understand these people better than you...their minds reject things they don't understand... (The old man's icy look is his answer. The girl's words seize up in her throat.) DOCTOR: No. (He walks to the back of the room.) IAN: He can't keep us here... BARBARA: Susan, listen to me, can't you see that all this is an illusion? It's a game that you and your grandfather are playing, if you like. But you can't expect us to believe it. SUSAN: It's not a game! BARBARA: But, Susan... SUSAN: (Very upset.) It's not! Look, I love your school. I love England in the 20th century. The last five months have been the happiest of my life... BARBARA: But you are one of us. You look like us, you sound like us... SUSAN: (Tightly.) I was born in another time. Another world. IAN: Now look here Susan, you... (He finally gives up and grabs BARBARA'S arm.) Oh come on, Barbara, let's get out of here. (They walk towards the wall, trying to find the doors.) SUSAN: No, you two can't get out. He won't let you go. (A high pitched whining sound echoes through the room. At the console, the DOCTOR is laughing.) IAN: (Points at the console.) He closed the doors from over there. (He moves toward it.) I saw it... (He looks over the console.) Now which is it...? Which is it? (To the DOCTOR.) Which control operates the door? DOCTOR: You still think it's all an illusion... IAN: (Hotly.) I know free movement in time and space is a scientific dream I don't expect to find solved in a junkyard! DOCTOR: Oh, your arrogance is nearly as great as your ignorance! (He laughs.) IAN: Will you open the door? Open the door! (The DOCTOR laughs.) Susan, will you help us? SUSAN: I mustn't! I mustn't! IAN: (He sighs and faces the console.) Very well then. I'll have to risk it myself. DOCTOR: (With suspicious acceptance.) I can't stop you... (The old man's hand brushes a switch just as IAN'S comes down on a button...) SUSAN: Oh, don't touch it! It's live! (The shock flings IAN to the floor.) BARBARA: Ian! (She helps him up and shouts at the DOCTOR.) What on earth do you think you're doing? SUSAN: Grandfather, let them go now! Please! DOCTOR: And by tomorrow we shall be a public spectacle. A subject for news and idle gossip. (He resolutely turns to the console. SUSAN moves to stop him.) SUSAN: But they won't say anything... DOCTOR: (He claps hands on the girl's shoulders.) My dear child, of course they will. Put yourself in their place. They're bound to make some sort of a complaint to the authorities - or at the very least talk to their friends. (He wags his finger at her.) If I do let them go, Susan, you realise of course we must go too. SUSAN: No. Grandfather, we've had all this out b... DOCTOR: (Firmly.) There's no alternative, child. SUSAN: I want to stay! Look, they're both kind people. Why won't you trust them? All you've got to do is ask them to promise to keep our secret and... DOCTOR: It's out of the question. SUSAN: I won't go, Grandfather. I won't leave the 20th century...I'd rather leave the TARDIS and you! DOCTOR: Now you're being sentimental and childish. SUSAN: No, I mean it. (The DOCTOR looks at her and the teachers and seems to reach a decision.) DOCTOR: Very well. Then you must go with them. I'll open the door. (He turns to the console.) BARBARA: Are you coming, Susan? (The DOCTOR starts to activate switch after switch on the console.) SUSAN: Oh no grandfather, no! (She grabs at him, trying to pull him away.) DOCTOR: Let me go! SUSAN: No! (He keeps activating controls despite SUSAN'S best efforts. The room starts to shake as the lighting within pulses. Instruments and dials on the console burst into life.) DOCTOR: Get back to the ship's side! Hold it... (The shaking worsens, and the teachers are flung across the room, BARBARA into a chair and IAN onto the floor - a raucous grinding engine sound rises and falls through the room, the cylindrical column begins to rise and fall. And on the monitor, an overhead view of London is shown, that shrinks, fades...and is replaced by a blinding vortex of light and energy...) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. DESERT (A barren wasteland of rock. There is very little vegetation. There is a howling wind. Almost, but not quite, a desert.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The wasteland fills the monitor screen. The old man does not seem to see it. He seems shocked by what has taken place. IAN and BARBARA remain unconscious nearby.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. DESERT (Outside, a new element has entered the rocky wastes - the odd image of the police box, it's lantern still flashing, standing ungainly on the uneven ground. Part of the wasteland is suddenly obscured by a shadow - what looks like the shadow of a humanoid...)
doc_298	[Caroline wakes up. Her blow is covered with blood. Damon sleeps in her bed. She gets up and tries to leave the room, but Damon wakes up too.] DAMON: Good morning. CAROLINE: Please... Don't. DAMON: Don't do that. Ah, ah, ah. CAROLINE: No! No! No! Get away from me! No! DAMON: This could have gone a completely different way. [Front of the school.] BONNIE: I'm not saying don't date the guy. I'm just saying take it slow. ELENA: You were the one who said to go for it. BONNIE: Now I'm saying take it slow. ELENA: Why the about-face? BONNIE: It's not an about-face. You're single for the first time in your entire high school career. It's the perfect time to play the field. ELENA: Oh, because I'm so that girl. Seriously, what are you not saying? BONNIE: It's stupid. ELENA: Bonnie... BONNIE: What? ELENA: Spit it out. BONNIE: I accidentally touched Stefan. And got a really bad feeling. ELENA: Is that it? Bonnie. BONNIE: It was bad bad! ELENA: Is the whole witch mojo thing again? BONNIE: You know what? I'm just concerned. This is me expressing concern about my best friend's new boyfriend. ELENA: And I love you for it, I do. But I feel good. It's been a hard year, and I'm starting to kind of feel like things are getting back to normal again. And you know what? Stefan is a big part of that. VICKI: I rock. I scored 2 tickets to the Posers Saturday night. They're playing at the Rat. JEREMY: You and Tyler have fun. VICKI: Don't be like that. Come on. I want you to go. JEREMY: You're not worried everyone's going to know you're screwing the stoner geek? Oh, wait... everyone already knows. VICKI: Yeah. But it's not like that anymore, so now we can be friends and just hang. JEREMY: Tell me something, was it the drugs? Were you sleeping with me because of the drugs? VICKI: Screw you. JEREMY: No, if there's another reason, please, I'm all ears. STEFAN: Good morning, Elena. Good morning, Bonnie. BONNIE: Hey, um, I gotta find Caroline. She's not answering her phone. So I'll see you guys later. ELENA: Bonnie, wait... STEFAN: She doesn't like me very much. ELENA: She doesn't know you. She's my best friend. She's just looking out for me. But when she does, she will love you. TYLER: Look... there's Elena and her new boyfriend. Now, what are they doing? Oh, they're walking, walking, walking. Yep. Right into the sunset. MATT: You're a dick. TYLER: While you just stand there looking like one of those little yard trolls. MATT: Gnomes. ELENA: Here's what we're going to do. Are you free tonight? STEFAN: Yes. ELENA: Perfect. Dinner, my house. 8:00. You, me, and Bonnie. You two will spend some quality time and she'll get to see what a great guy you are. Mission accomplished. MATT: Hey, what am I supposed to do, Ty? She made her choice. TYLER: Let her know she made the wrong one. MATT: What are you doing? Ty, don't. Ty, don't! Ty! Don't! Tyler throws the ball on Stefan, but Stefan catches it with an impresionnante speed. He throws the ball to Tyler who moves back under the shock. ELENA: That throw was insane. I didn't know you played football. STEFAN: I used to. It was a long time ago. ELENA: So why don't you try out for the team? STEFAN: Yeah, I don't think so. ELENA: So you don't like football? STEFAN: No, I love football. I think it's a great sport. But in this case, I don't think football likes me. You saw Tyler over there, and we both know how Matt feels. ELENA: They don't know you. To them, you're mysterious loner guy. Wouldn't hurt to be part of. Make some friends. STEFAN: Says the girl who spends her alone time writing in a cemetery. ELENA: Hey, come on. There's more to me than just gloomy graveyard girl. There's a whole other Elena that you have yet to meet. She was into everything, very busy. STEFAN: Well, I look forward to meeting her. And when will that be? ELENA: Soon. She's working on it. [In History's class. Bonnie is writing numbers on her book. "8", "14", "22".] TANNER: World war II ended in... Anyone got anything? Miss Juan? 1945. ELENA: Psst. Fyi... Our team sucks. They could use you. STEFAN: Can't. TANNER: Pearl Harbor. STEFAN: I'm a loner. TANNER: Miss Gilbert? ELENA: Hmm? Pearl Harbor? TANNER: Um... STEFAN: December 7, 1941. TANNER: Thank you, Miss Gilbert. STEFAN: Anytime. TANNER: Very well. The fall of the Berlin wall. STEFAN: 1989. I'm good with dates, sir. TANNER: Are you? How good? Keep it to the year. Civil Rights Act. STEFAN: 1964. TANNER: John F. Kennedy assassination. STEFAN: 1963. TANNER: Martin luther King. STEFAN: '68. TANNER: Lincoln. STEFAN: 1865. TANNER: Roe vs. Wade. STEFAN: 1973. TANNER: Brown vs. Board. STEFAN: 1954. TANNER: The battle of Gettysburg. STEFAN: 1863. TANNER: Korean war. STEFAN: 1950 to 1953. TANNER: Ha! It ended in '52. STEFAN: Uh, actually, sir, it was '53. TANNER: Look it up, somebody. Quickly. STUDENT: It was 19... 53. ELENA: How did you know all of that? STEFAN: Years and years of crossword puzzles. It's a loner thing. [The Soccer field. Stefn looks the team. Elena is with the cheerleaders.] MATT: Nice job! Nice job! TANNER: Mr. Lockwood, is there anything you're good at? 'Cause it isn't history, and it sure as hell isn't defending the ball! TYLER: Yes, coach. TANNER: Now do it again! BONNIE: Oh, my God! You're here! ELENA: Yep. I can't be sad girl forever. The only way to get things back to the way they were are to do things that were. Oh, and you're coming to dinner tonight. BONNIE: I am? ELENA: Mm-hmm. You, me and Stefan. You have to give him a chance. BONNIE: Tonight's no good. Have you seen Caroline? I texted her like a hundred times. ELENA: Don't change the subject, Bonnie Bennett. You're going to be there. BONNIE: Fine. I'll go. ELENA: Good. TANNER: Varsity trials were last spring, Mr. Salvatore. STEFAN: I wasn't here then, sir. TANNER: And you're not here now, as far as I'm concerned. STEFAN: Mr. Tanner, I realize that you and I didn't get off to the best start, And I want to apologize for that. I've played football before. Wide receiver, mostly, and I'm pretty good. TANNER: Well, I won't be asking you who won the super bowl in '71. STEFAN: '71 was the... Sorry. I... I understand that, sir. TANNER: Just to see you get knocked on your ass. Borrow some gear. Go! Before I change my mind. Let's run it again! MATT: First my girlfriend, now the team? TYLER: Dude, this is an opportunity. Football's a contact sport. Sometimes people get hurt. Whoo! Ha ha! BONNIE: Seriously, where is Caroline? ELENA: I don't know. It's not like her. Try her again. Caroline arrives in Damon's car. ELENA: Uh... BONNIE: Oh, my God. That must be the mystery guy from the grill. ELENA: That's not a mystery guy. That's Damon Salvatore. BONNIE: Salvatore, as in Stefan? CAROLINE: I got the other brother. Hope you don't mind. Sorry I'm late, girls. I, uh, was busy. All right, let's start with the double pike herkey hurdler, what do you say? And 5, 6, 7, 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Elena, sweetie, why don't you just observe today? Ok? Keep going! Ok. Do it again from the top. And 5, 6, 7, 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. MATT: Blue lady! Blue lady! Set, hut! Go! Come on, Tyler, cover it! Let's do it. TANNER: Get it. MATT: Line up! MATT: I hate to say it, but he's got skills. TYLER: I think he needs a buddy pass. MATT: Really? You don't get to walk on the field and act like you own the place after 5 minutes. TYLER: Just hang one up there and I'll take care of the rest. TANNER: Do it again. MATT: All right, let's huddle up. Set, hut! TYLER: Oh! Whoo! Welcome to the team, buddy. TANNER: You gonna live, Salvatore? STEFAN: Yeah. TANNER: Walk it off, son. MATT: Hey. That was my bad. STEFAN: It's all right. MATT: Hey. TANNER: All right. [Stefan's bedroom.] DAMON: How were tryouts? Did you make the team? Very Emerson, the way you reveal your soul with so many... Adjectives. STEFAN: What are you doing here? DAMON: I've come to apologize. I've been doing some thinking, some soul searching, and... I want us to start over. We need to put the past behind us. You're my little brother, and if you want to live a normal, happy human life, then I want that for you. Maybe I can do it, too. That I can learn to be a non-living living person. Maybe there's hope for both of us. STEFAN: You know, it doesn't have to be this way, Damon. DAMON: Of course it doesn't. I saw Elena today, btw. That means "by the way." She was at cheerleading practice. She looked so perky in her little short shorts. Just... simmer down, I didn't even go near her. I've got my own cheerleader now. Ooh, that reminds me... I gotta run. I have a date. Sweaty palms. Wish me luck. [Elena's kitchen.] BONNIE: You explain it. Last night, I'm watching Nine-o, a commercial breaks come on and I'm like, I bet it's that phone commercial. And sure enough, it's that guy and the girl with the bench, he flies to Paris and he flies back. They take a picture. ELENA: Oh, come on. That commercial's on a constant loop. BONNIE: Fine. Well, how about this? Today I'm obsessed with numbers. 3 numbers. I keep seeing 8, 14, and 22. How weird is that? ELENA: Maybe we should play the lottery. Have you talked to your grams? BONNIE: She's just gonna say it's because I'm a witch. I don't want to be a witch. Do you want to be a witch? ELENA: I don't want to be a witch. BONNIE: And putting it in a nice bowl isn't fooling anybody. ELENA: Ok, serving spoons. Where are the serving spoons? BONNIE: Little drawer on your left. ELENA: Ok, so you've been in this kitchen like a thousand times. BONNIE: Yeah, that's it. They hear the doorbell. ELENA: Ok, he's here. Don't be nervous. Just be your normal loving self. Bonnie stays alone in the kitchen. BONNIE: Birthday candles. She opens a drawer and find the candles [Elena's living room.] ELENA: Did Tanner give you a hard time today? STEFAN: Well, he let me on the team, so I must have done something right. ELENA: Bonnie, you should have seen Stefan today. Tyler threw a ball right at him, and... BONNIE: Yeah, I heard. ELENA: Why don't you tell Stefan about your family? BONNIE: Um, divorced. No mom. Live with my dad. Hmm. ELENA: No, about the witches. Bonnie's family has a lineage of witches. It's really cool. BONNIE: Cool isn't the word I'd use. STEFAN: Well, it's certainly interesting. I'm not too versed, but I do know that there's a history of celtic druids that migrated here in the 1800s. BONNIE: My family came by way of Salem. STEFAN: Really? Salem witches? BONNIE: Yeah. STEFAN: I would say that's pretty cool. BONNIE: Really? Why? STEFAN: Salem witches are heroic examples of individualism and nonconformity. BONNIE: Yeah, they are. They hear the doorbelln, again. ELENA: I wonder who that could be. CAROLINE: Surprise! Bonnie said you were doing dinner, so we brought dessert. ELENA: Oh. DAMON: Hope you don't mind. STEFAN: What are you doing here? DAMON: Waiting for Elena to invite me in. ELENA: Oh, yeah, you can... STEFAN: No, no, no. He can't, uh... he can't stay. Can you, Damon? CAROLINE: Get in here. STEFAN: We're just... finishing up. ELENA: It's fine. Just come on in. DAMON: You have a beautiful home, Elena. ELENA: Thank you. CAROLINE: I cannot believe that Mr. Tanner let you on the team. Tyler must be ceiling. But good for you. Go for it. DAMON: That's what I always tell him. You have to engage. You can't just sit there and wait for life to come to you. You have to go get it. CAROLINE: Yeah, Elena wasn't so lucky today. It's only because you missed summer camp. God, I don't know how you're ever going to learn the routines. BONNIE: I'll work with her. She'll get it. CAROLINE: I guess we can put her in the back. DAMON: You know, you don't seem like the cheerleader type, Elena. CAROLINE: Oh, it's just 'cause her parents died. Yeah, I mean, she's just totally going through a blah phase. She used to be way more fun. And I say that with complete sensitivity. DAMON: I'm sorry, Elena. I know what it's like to lose both your parents. In fact, Stefan and I have watched almost every single person we've ever cared about die. STEFAN: We don't need to get into that right now, Damon. DAMON: Oh, you know what, you're right, Stef. I'm sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was bring her up. Mmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [At the grill.] VICKI: Don't do that. Not while I'm working. I'll see you later. TYLER: I'll be right back. MATT: She's my sister and I love her, but sometimes she can really make you work for it. JEREMY: I find it pretty easy. JERMEY: All right, I get it. Hitting me to impress her. That's... That's real nice. TYLER: I don't need to impress her. I already won. Now you're dead. JEREMY: Am I? 'Cause it seems like I'm standing here waiting for you to man up. MATT: Ty, don't! TYLER: The next time I see you, Gilbert... JEREMY: No, next time I see you. MATT: What are you doin', Vick? [Elena's kitchen.] DAMON: One more. ELENA: Oh, thank you. Nice save. DAMON: I like you. You know how to laugh. And you make Stefan smile, which is something I haven't seen in a very long time. ELENA: Earlier, did you mean... Katherine? DAMON: Mm-hmm. ELENA: How did she die? DAMON: In a fire. Tragic fire. ELENA: Recently? DAMON: Well, it seems like it was yesterday. ELENA: What was she like? DAMON: She was beautiful. A lot like you in that department. She was just very complicated and selfish and at times not very kind, but very sexy and seductive. ELENA: So which one of you dated her first? DAMON: Nicely deduced. Ask Stefan. I'm sure his answer differs from mine. I'd quit cheerleading if I were you. ELENA: Why do you say that? DAMON: Oh, I saw you at practice. You looked miserable. ELENA: You saw that? DAMON: Uh-huh. ELENA: I used to love it. It was fun. Things are different this year. Everything that used to matter doesn't anymore. DAMON: So don't let it. Quit, move on. Problem solved. Ta-da. ELENA: Some things could matter again. DAMON: Maybe. But... seems a little unrealistic to me. ELENA: I'm sorry. About Katherine. You lost her, too. BONNIE: Hey. Need some help? DAMON: Sure, why not? [Elena's living room.] CAROLINE: Matt tries, but he's just having a really hard time. You have to understand that they were each other's first. You know, like, from the sandbox. STEFAN: That's a really nice scarf. CAROLINE: Mm. Thank you, it's new. STEFAN: Can I see it? I mean, would you mind taking it off? CAROLINE: Oh, I can't. STEFAN: Why not? You ok? CAROLINE: Um... All I know is that I can't take it off. DAMON: What are you two kids talking about? STEFAN: I was just commenting on her scarf. DAMON: Hmm. Hey, you know, um, Elena and Bonnie are finishing up the dishes. Why don't you go see if you can help? CAROLINE: Does it look like I do dishes? DAMON: For me? CAROLINE: Hmm... I don't think so. DAMON: Go see if Elena needs help in the kitchen. CAROLINE: You know what? I'm gonna go see if Elena needs some help in the kitchen. DAMON: Great. STEFAN: They are people, Damon. She's not a puppet. She doesn't exist for your amusement, for you to feed on whenever you want to. DAMON: Sure she does. They all do. They're whatever I want them to be. They're mine for the taking. STEFAN: All right, you've had your fun. You used Caroline, you got to me and Elena, good for you. Now it's time for you to go. DAMON: That's not a problem. Because... I've been invited in, and I'll come back tomorrow night and the following night and I'll do with your little cheerleader whatever I want to do. Because that is what is normal to me. [Elena's bedroom.] ELENA: Tonight wasn't so bad. I had fun. STEFAN: Hmm. That makes one of us. ELENA: Come on. Your brother isn't as bad as you make him out to be... Stefan kisses her. When he removes his shirt, he turns into Damon. Elena screams. She wakes up, it was a nightmare. There was a crow at the window [Stefan's bedroom. He is writing on his diarie.] STEFAN: There must be a shred of humanity left inside my brother. Somewhere. I keep hoping. But how do I make him see it? And how do I protect her? [Later. The Soccer game.] ELENA: Ooh. Look at you. You look hot in your jersey. STEFAN: What happened? No more cheerleader? ELENA: I quit. I'm a quitter. STEFAN: No, hey, you're not a quitter. You suffered a great loss. You're not the same person. You should be looking ahead. You should be starting over. Ok? I hope you don't think this is too soon or too weird, but... I, uh, I wanted you to have this. ELENA: Oh, my God, it's beautiful. STEFAN: It's something that I've had forever, and, uh, I've never wanted to give it to anyone until now. I'd very much like it if you'd wear it for me, for... good luck. ELENA: Is that rose that I smell? STEFAN: No, it's, uh... it's an herb. It's nice, huh? ELENA: I love it. STEFAN: And, uh, I wanted to thank you for pushing me to try out for the team. It feels really good. ELENA: We're a pair. I quit, you start. STEFAN: Right. We're a work in progress. We'll figure it out. Elena kisses him. CAROLINE: And you're not in uniform because... [Later.] TANNER: Wait, wait, wait, Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Let's be honest here. In the past, we used to let other teams come into our town and roll right over us! But that is about to change. We've got some great new talent tonight starting on the offensive line, and I'm gonna tell you right now, it has been a long time since I have seen a kid like this with hands like these. TYLER: This blows. He can't start the guy. He just got here. TANNER: That have been waiting for us to put a check in the win column, I have only one thing to say to you... Your Timberwolves are hungry. VICKI: Hey, you. What's wrong? TYLER: Nothing. TANNER: And the central high lions are what's for dinner! TYLER: Is that Jeremy? VICKI: Wait, no! Ty! No. TYLER: Oh, what do you care? Don't look so down. You can have her when I'm done. Jeremy strikes him. The two boys begin to fight. VICKI: Tyler, stop it! Tyler! Tyler, stop! Stop it! Stop, you're hurting him! Tyler! Tyler, stop! Tyler! Stop it! Tyler, stop! STEFAN: Hey, he's down! Enough! ELENA: Jeremy, no! MATT: Get off me! Stop! ELENA: What the hell, Jeremy? Put your head up, you're bleeding. JEREMY: I'm fine! ELENA: Yeah, you smell fine. JEREMY: Just stop, ok? MATT: Come on, man. Come on. ELENA: Oh, my God, your hand. STEFAN: No, no, no, it's fine. ELENA: Is it deep? How bad is it? Come on! Stefan's hand hasn't scar. ELENA: But... I saw it, it was... STEFAN: He missed. It's not my blood. See? I'm fine. ELENA: No, no, no. I... I saw it. The glass cut your hand. It was... STEFAN: It's ok. I'm ok. It's almost kick-off time, all right? So, um, I'll, uh, I'll see you after the game. CAROLINE: Hey, Tiki, it's all wobbly. Can you stand straight, please? Could someone please help Tiki? BONNIE: Hey! Where you been? ELENA: Can I ask you a question and you give me a really serious no-joke response? BONNIE: Of course. What is it? ELENA: The bad mojo. When you touched Stefan and you had that reaction... BONNIE: You know what, forget I said that. Your little dinner party plot totally won me over. ELENA: No, Bonnie, seriously. What was it? Did you see something, Or... BONNIE: It wasn't clear like a picture. Like today, I keep seeing those same numbers I told you about... 8, 14, 22. ELENA: Yeah? BONNIE: When I touched Stefan, it was a feeling. And it vibrated through me, and it was cold, and it... ELENA: And what? BONNIE: It was death. It's what I imagine death to be like. Elena goes to her car. ELENA: You scared me. What are you doing here? DAMON: I'm hiding from Caroline. ELENA: And why is that? DAMON: I needed a break. She talks more than I can listen. ELENA: That could be a sign. DAMON: Well, she's awfully young. ELENA: Not much younger than you are. DAMON: I don't see it going anywhere in the bigger picture. I think she'd drive me crazy. ELENA: Caroline does have some really annoying traits, but we've been friends since the first grade and that means something to me. DAMON: Duly noted. I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable. That's not my intention. ELENA: Yes, it is. Otherwise you wouldn't put an alternate meaning behind everything you say. DAMON: You're right. I do have other intentions, but so do you. ELENA: Really? DAMON: Mm-hmm. I see 'em. You want me. ELENA: Excuse me? DAMON: I get to you. You find yourself drawn to me. You think about me even when you don't want to think about me. I bet you even dreamed about me. And right now... You want to kiss me. She strikes him. ELENA: What the hell? I don't know what game you're trying to play with Stefan here, but I don't want to be part of it. And I don't know what happened in the past, but let's get one thing straight... I am not Katherine. [Later.] MATT: You gonna be able to play? STEFAN: Oh, yeah, I'm good. MATT: Uh, what you did back there... you had Jeremy's back. STEFAN: Ah, he's a messed-up kid. Somebody's gotta look out for him. MATT: I know. This week at practice I was a dick. STEFAN: Had your reasons. MATT: No excuse. Good luck tonight. We're lucky to have you. DAMON: Isn't that nice? Stefan joins a team, makes a friend. It's all so, "rah, rah, go team, yeah!" STEFAN: Not tonight. I'm done with you. DAMON: Nice trick with Elena. Let me guess... vervain in the necklace? I admit, I was a bit surprised. It's been a while since anyone could resist my compulsion. Where'd you get it? STEFAN: Does it matter? DAMON: Guess I could just seduce her the old-fashioned way. Or I could just... eat her. STEFAN: No. You're not gonna hurt her, Damon. DAMON: No? STEFAN: Because deep down inside, there is a part of you that feels for her. I was worried that you had no humanity left inside of you, that you may have actually become the monster that you pretend to be. DAMON: Who's pretending? STEFAN: Then kill me. DAMON: Well, I'm... I'm tempted. STEFAN: No, you're not. You've had lifetimes to do it, and yet, here I am. I'm still alive. And there you are. You're still haunting me. After 145 years. Katherine is dead. And you hate me because you loved her, and you torture me because you still do. And that, my brother, is your humanity. TANNER: Salvatore! What the hell? We've got a game to play! DAMON: If that's my humanity... then what's this? Damon bites Tanner. TANNER: Aah! STEFAN: No! DAMON: Anyone, anytime, any place. [In the locker room.] TYLER: Tanner's M.I.A. I think he had a little bit too much beer. MATT: Don't talk to me right now, all right? I'm pissed at you. TYLER: What's your problem? MATT: What's my... You're my problem, all right? You're a bully. A freakin' 12-year-old bully, man. And I'm sick of it. I mean, what was that about tonight? What's beating up the new guy going to prove? Or screwing with my sister or pummeling my girlfriend's kid brother. TYLER: Girlfriend? Look, I don't know how to tell you this, but she dumped your ass. Are you for real?! You want to hit me? I'm on your team. MATT: This was over the line. Even for you. Matt discovers Tanner's body. MATT: Somebody help! The police arrived. Bonnie looks at the scene. She sees a pennons "BLDG 8", the immatricualtion's car is "FHT 14" and on the ground, the number 22. Bonnie is afraid. [The Soccer field. Jeremy is sitting on the floor.] VICKI: It wasn't just for the drugs. [The cars park.] ELENA: What kind of animal could be doing all this? Why would it come out of the woods and attack someone in the middle of town? STEFAN: I don't know. I don't know. ELENA: I was so sure that you cut your hand. I saw it. STEFAN: I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna be fine, ok? We're fine. That's what matters. [Stefan's bedroom. He's writing in his diarie.] STEFAN: I thought there was hope that somewhere deep inside, something in Damon was still human, normal. But I was wrong. There's nothing human left in Damon. No good, no kindness. No love. Only a monster Who must be stopped. [Damon is in Elena's bedroom. He looks at her.]
doc_299	"Surprise" 25th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 2ADA03 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode begins with Isabel in an abandoned building. She finds Tess on the ground, badly beaten) Isabel: Oh, God! Tess! Oh, god, Tess! Tess! Tess, wake up! Oh, God. Wake up! Tess: Isabel? Isabel: Ok, come on. Come on, Tess. I'll get you out. It's ok. Ok. Ok. Come on. Come on. I'll get you out of here. It's ok. It's ok. We'll make it. I promise. We'll make it. Ok. (Isabel moves Tess into a room and bolts the door) Isabel: Tess. Stay with me. Stay with me, damn it. Don't die on me now. Don't die on me now. (The door unlocks and swings open. Isabel recognizes the person) Isabel: It's you. (Opening credits) (Isabel is on her way to the Crashdown, where her friends have prepared a surprise party. She's wearing a party dress) Everyone: Surprise! Mrs. Evans: Oh, happy birthday, sweetheart! Isabel: Oh, my God! Oh! I could kill you all. Mrs. Evans: Kill your brother. He's the one who planned the entire thing. Max: Happy birthday, old lady. Isabel: Max, I can't believe you did this with everything that's happening. Max: It's still your birthday. Isabel: Max, you're the worst, really. I don't know what to say. Maria: Say that you're surprised, 'cause he was totally, totally stressing that you'd figure it out. Isabel: I had no idea. Max: Really? Michael: Alex told you to come by so he could give you back a book. I mean, what a lame excuse. How could you not figure that out? Isabel: Where is Alex, anyway? Maria: He's, um, he's still getting dressed. (We see Courtney using her alien power to fill some empty glasses with beverages) Mrs. Evans: Can you believe your brother did all of this in, like, 3 days' time? Isabel: No. Courtney: Happy birthday to you. Isabel: Oh, thank you. Courtney: Mm-hmm. Mrs. Evans: Oh, honey. You know, your dad is beside himself that he's still stuck in Minneapolis. Isabel: That's ok. Poor guy. Mrs. Evans: By the way, honey, why are you wearing that dress? Isabel: Um, oh... Michael: Yeah. If you really didn't know about the party, then how'd you know to dress up? Isabel: I...I didn't. I...actually, I had, um, other plans. Grant: Isabel. Sorry I'm late. I didn't know there was going to be a party. Isabel: Neither did I. Purple are my favorite. Grant: So I heard. Michael: No, wait. Who's ever heard of purple roses? What, did you, like, dye them or something? Isabel: They're sterling roses, Michael. They're...they're really rare and expensive. Grant: Well, I'm impressed. No one's ever given me a surprise party. Mrs. Evans: Oh, when's your birthday? Grant: December 7th. Mrs. Evans: And what year might that be? Isabel: Mom! (Isabel notices some blood on the back of Grant's neck) Isabel: Oh, you...you're bleeding on your... Grant: I am? Isabel: Oh, here. Let me. Isabel (to Mom): Here, mom. Will you... (Isabel hands Mrs. Evans the glass the was holding) Grant: Must have happened when I slipped down the ravine on the dig today. (Isabel has an incoherent vision) Grant: What? Isabel: Nothing. No, nothing. Grant: Well, this obviously isn't a good time for a date. Isabel: Well, you're welcome to stay. Michael: Or go. Grant: Actually, I have some samples I should drop off at the lab tonight anyway. I'll call you. Isabel: Ok. (Grant leaves and Mrs. Evans is visibly upset) Mrs. Evans: You know, honey, not now and not tonight, but pretty soon you and I are gonna have to have a little talk. Max: Ditto. (Isabel has a vision of Tess in an accident. She drops her drink) Isabel: Oh, God. Mrs. Evans: Are you all right? Isabel: I'm just so clumsy tonight. Courtney: I'll get that. Isabel: Are you sure? I can...I can get it. Courtney: This is your night. (In Whitaker's office, Liz is dancing a bit while organizing some files. Whitaker comes in and wonders what's going on) Liz: Oh! I'm sorry. Whitaker: Where'd you get that? Liz: Oh...um, there were just some CDs out on your desk. I can put them back. (As Liz turns off the boombox, Whitaker locks one of the file cabinets. Liz notices this) Whitaker: No, it's fine. Run lola run, huh? Liz: It's a great soundtrack. Whitaker: Yeah. It's really cool. I loved this movie. Story of my life. Liz: I know what you mean. Whitaker: It's after 7:00. What are you still doing here? Liz: Oh, um, I was just gonna finish up these reports. Whitaker: They'll be here tomorrow. Go home. Here, take Lola. Liz: Oh, really? That would be so great, because I have this party I want to get to. Whitaker: Oh, really? There's a party? Liz: Yeah. Um, it's just this small birthday party for a friend of mine at the Crashdown. Whitaker: That cafe your parents own. Oh, I adore that place. Liz: Thank you. Whitaker: You know, it would be great to finally meet them. Liz: Oh, I don't think that they're gonna be there. Whitaker: I'll just pop my head in for 5 minutes. Never hurts to mingle with my constituents. Liz: Yeah, sure. Uh, that'd be great. Whitaker: I'm just gonna hit the powder room...freshen my lipstick. (Liz uses a letter opener to unlock the cabinet that Whitaker locked. She finds a CD labeled "Parker Liz, Date: Sep 6-19". She puts the CD in the boombox and listens via headphones) Liz: I can't just go to a movie in the middle of the day, Maria. Maria: Tell her you got a doctor's appointment. Liz: And anyway, I don't want to run into him anywhere. That's why I took this job. Maria: Him, him, him. Ever since you broke up, he's become this pronoun instead of a person. Liz: Let's keep it that way. (Liz hastily turns off the boombox as Whitaker comes out of the powder room) (Max eavesdrops on Isabel as she calls Grant on her cell phone) Isabel: Listening to my private conversations? Max: Why you calling him? He just left. Isabel: Uh, I was just leaving him a message to thank him for the flowers. Max: You already thanked him. Isabel: Yeah, and you guys made him feel really welcome. Max: He wasn't invited. Isabel: I invited him before I ever knew there was a party. Max: Don't do it again. Isabel: Excuse me? Are you forbidding me? Max: You can't let anyone new in. It's too dangerous. Isabel: Like it was too dangerous to let Liz Parker in. Max: That's different. Isabel: Yeah, it was. You want to know how? Because I can date someone and keep my mouth shut at the same time. You couldn't. Max: That was the past. We've got to think about the future, the one our mother talked about. Isabel: Right, right. The king. I'm sorry. How could I forget? All I know is...Max, you may be the king, but I am not bowing down to you, not in this lifetime. (Isabel sees some visions, among them a "RED'S" sign) Isabel: Uhh. Max: What is it? Isabel: Had this headache on and off all day. Max: You're sweating. Isabel: I'm fine. It's... (Maria interrupts) Maria: Ahem. Isabel, you better come out. There's a policeman here to see you. Isabel: A policeman? What's going on? Maria: He's asking for you. Max: You better go. (Isabel enters the main Crashdown area, followed by Max and Maria. Alex has dressed up in a policeman uniform and starts removing his clothes) Alex: You love that! (Mrs. Evans is appalled by this striptease. She walks up to Alex) Alex: Hi, Ms. Evans. Great party. (In one of the back rooms, Courtney walks in as Michael is trying to finish making Isabel's cake) Courtney: So, did you, uh, make that all by yourself? Michael: No. Betty Crocker came on by and whipped it up. Courtney: Betty Crocker would've used eggs. Michael: Eggs. Courtney: Sorry. Michael: My first cake. Courtney: Well, guys don't make cakes for just anybody. In fact, guys don't make cakes at all. (Courtney sticks her finger in the cake and tastes it) Michael: Hey. Courtney: What flavor is this anyway? Michael: It's a combination of a few things. Courtney: It tastes like Tabasco. Did you put Tabasco in a cake? Michael: Well, what if I did? Courtney: I like that. Michael: Just move. Courtney: So, what's a chick got to do to get a cake out of a guy like you? Michael: Nothing you could handle. (Courtney tastes the frosting) Courtney: That's too bad. Mmm. You gonna frost it or what? Michael: Yeah, I'm gonna frost it. (Maria stops by to check up on the cake) Maria: How's the cake coming? Courtney: It's coming. Michael (to Courtney): Maybe you should finish it. (Michael leaves and Maria and Courtney start arguing over him) Maria: Michael. Taken. Or haven't you noticed? Courtney: I noticed he didn't make this cake for you. Maria: It's not my birthday. Courtney: Small detail. (Alex comes in and starts lamenting about how his striptease dance turned out) Alex: You know, I can't believe I let you talk me into that! Maria: Me and Michael go way back. Alex: That was the most humiliating experience of my life! Courtney: You sew your name into the back of his jeans? Maria: You'll never find out. Alex: I did a striptease in front of her mother! Are you listening to me? Maria: One nipple does not constitute a striptease, Alex. Alex: She saw my nipple? Oh, God. Courtney: Chill out, NYPD blue. Alex: Chill out? Chill out? I spent $150 to rent this costume. And do you have any idea how it feels to walk around all day with a thong up your ass? Maria & Courtney: Yes. (Back in the main Crashdown area, Kyle is complaining to his buddies about Tess) Kyle: Seriously. So, she's got her underwear and her bras and her girlie things all over the bathroom. Every time I go in to shave, I feel like I'm walking into Victoria's Secret. Michael: So what's not to like? Isabel: Kyle, where is Tess? Kyle: She went to Jensen's to get your present. Anyway, she's taken over television, the computer, my phone. If some chick's gonna be yelling at me about keeping the toilet seat down, she better at least be doing me. (Mrs. Evans walks by and reacts to Kyle's last words) Kyle: Doing me...a favor. Mrs. Evans: Hi. I'm, uh...I'm Isabel's mom. (Max grabs Michael) Max: I need to talk to you. Michael: We have nothing to talk about. Max: I need you to back me up on something. Michael: You make decisions without asking my opinion, and now you expect me to back you up? Max: I think Isabel's getting serious with that Sorenson guy. (Michael apparently agrees with Max this time and talks to Isabel about it) Michael: He gave you an order. Isabel: I don't take orders from Max. Michael: He's our leader. He's right. Isabel: Since when? You two are barely speaking. And when you do talk, you don't even agree. Michael: Well, we agree on this. Isabel: I bet you do. Michael: What's that supposed to mean? Isabel: Am I supposed to be alone for the rest of my...of my life... Michael: Isabel, you are not alone. Isabel: Not even talk to other guys? Michael: Works for me. Isabel: I don't think so. Michael: Isabel, you do not belong with him. Isabel: No. I belong with you. But I don't think either one of us wants to think about that too much. (Isabel sees more visions of Tess) Isabel: Unh! Michael: What's going on? Isabel: Nothing. Nothing. It's just my headache. (The cake is brought out. Everyone starts singing "Happy Birthday", but during the song, Isabel sees Tess repeatedly asking her for help) Tess: Isabel! Help me, please help me! Isabel! Help me, Isabel! Please help me! Isabel! (Isabel explains her vision to Max and Michael in the back room) Isabel: It was like she was really here. She was hurt and crying for help. Max: Who was the last person to see her? Michael: Kyle said she went to Jensen's to buy a present. Isabel: She's in danger. Michael: Yeah. It's got to be Nasedo's killer. He's after Tess. Courtney: Trust me, nobody's after Tess. All that blond hair and eye shadow? She's like Dolly Parton without the jugs. Michael: Could you just go refill the ketchups or something? Isabel: We've got to find her. Max: I think we should start with Sorenson. He showed up here bleeding. Could've been struggling with someone. Isabel: Grant has nothing to do with this, Max. Max: I'll be the judge of that. (Liz and Maria enter the back room) Liz: We've got a problem. Max: I know. Tess is missing. Maria: Oh, boo-hoo. Sorry. Liz: She's missing? Michael: Isabel had a vision that she was in trouble. Maria: That's weird. Liz: Here's something else weird - Whitaker has been taping my phone conversations at work. I found a CD. But the thing is how come she hasn't busted me yet? Michael: Maybe because she hasn't given up alien-hunting after all. Liz: She's out there right now. Isabel: At my party? Liz: Yeah...um, she sort of invited herself. Courtney: So, the real party's in here. Maria: Could you, like, go refill the ketchups or something? Courtney: Done. Maria: Sugars, then. Michael: Maybe Whitaker's got something to do with this Tess thing. Max: Michael, you go to her office...see what you can find. I'm going to get Valenti. We'll check out Sorenson. Isabel: What should I do? Max: Make sure Whitaker stays here so Michael can search her office. Isabel: I can't just stay here knowing everything that's happening. Max: We'll handle it. Just...just try to enjoy your party. Isabel: Like I can, Max. I'm the one who saw the visions. I'm going after her. Max: Let me take care of it. [SCENE_BREAK] (Outside in the main Crashdown area, Whitaker is mingling) Whitaker: So you must be the birthday girl. Liz: Oh, Isabel, this is Congresswoman Whitaker. Whitaker: Hmm. Isabel: Hi. It's nice to meet you. Mrs. Evans: Hello. I'm Diane Evans, Isabel's mother. Such an honor to have you here. Whitaker: Not at all. Saves me from an evening of senate budget proposals and Jay Leno. Isabel...that is such a beautiful name. Isabel: Thank you. Mrs. Evans: Well, why don't we open the rest of the presents? Mrs. Evans (to Whitaker): Won't you join us? Whitaker: Yes. Ok. Thank you. Mrs. Evans: Great. Ok. Come on, everybody. It's time to open the...all of this. Oh. You're popular. Ok. Which one first? Isabel: Um, this. (Isabel opens the box to find a small alien stick figure) Isabel: Oh. Ho ho ho. Who's this from? Mrs. Evans: Who's the comedian? Isabel: Just what I always wanted, guys. Thank you. Mrs. Evans: Here. This one's from your dad. (Isabel gets another vision of Tess in trouble) Isabel: Ahhh. Mrs. Evans: What's wrong, honey? Isabel: Noth...nothing. I...you know, I've...I've had this headache all day. I think there's aspirin in the back. (Isabel goes to the back room, followed by Liz and Maria) Liz: Did you have another vision? Isabel: Give me your keys. Maria: No way. Last time I lent out the Jetta, an uzi took out the back window. Isabel: Then drive me. Maria: Where? Isabel: To look for Tess. I saw a sign - RED'S. Liz: There's no "RED'S" in Roswell. Isabel: I know Tess isn't your favorite person. We've all treated her pretty badly. I'm not proud of the way I've acted. Liz: I can't help it, Isabel. I don't trust her. Isabel: Then trust me. Maria: Ok. I think I know where it is. Let's go. Liz: No. Max said not to leave. Isabel: Max isn't here. Liz: Ok. Fine. I'll go with you. Isabel: No. No. You have to cover for me. (Max and Sheriff Valenti search through Tess' stuff, trying to find out where she was and who may have last seen her) Sheriff: Address book. Evans. Evans. Guerin. Not a wide circle of friends. Max: Tess never had anyone but Nasedo. Sheriff: And you three. Max: Isabel was the only one she was really ever close to. Sheriff: What about you? Max: It was...it was too complicated. Sheriff: She wanted to jump your bones, huh? Max: Something like that. Sheriff: Screws things up every time. Max: Happen to you? Sheriff: Yeah. In my dreams. Max: Is that her cell phone? (Max presses the redial button) Grant: Hello. Max: Hi. I'm calling from the phone company. We're checking the lines. Grant: What lines? This is a cell phone. Max: Right. I mean, we're checking the service. This is 555-0188? Grant: Yeah. You got it. Max: And the number is billed to? Grant: Grant Sorenson. Max: Sorenson. Right. That's what I have. Thank you. (Michael breaks into Whitaker's office and starts looking around. He finds a file for Courtney and takes a picture from the file. Michael sees Whitaker unlocking the office door and makes a hasty retreat just before she enters) (Maria drives Isabel to a rundown restaurant called Fred's. The "F" on the neon sign isn't lit up) Maria: There's your "RED'S". Isabel: That's it. (Isabel sees Tess' car, which has been damaged. It's been abandoned) Isabel: Shoot. Where is she? Maria: Maybe she was thrown out of the car. Isabel: I don't think so. Maria: Um, maybe the paramedics already came. Isabel: No. (Isabel finds a piece of skin on Tess' car. It disintegrates in her hand) Isabel: No. She was taken. Maria: Ahh, I can't get a signal this far out. Isabel: I see some tracks. 2 sets of tires, see? But look here. They swerve near Tess' car...then go out in that direction. Maria: Straight into nowhere. Isabel: Nowhere's where we're going. Maria: Note to self - get 4-wheel drive. (Maria and Isabel arrive at Chavez County Electric Power Facility - Plant #2) Isabel: She's in there. Maria: Oh, no. No. No. Now, you don't know that. Isabel: I feel it. Maria: We need to get Max and Michael. Isabel: Then go get them. Maria: No. No. No. You're not going in there by yourself. Isabel: I have to. Maria: No. I'm not gonna leave you. Isabel: Look. Go get Max and Michael, all right? Just go. But I can't wait. I have to go in. Maria: All right. Here. Take the flashlight. Isabel: Ok. (Isabel rips her dress as she climbs through the fence. She takes off her shoes) (Max and Sheriff Valenti break into Grant Sorenson's motel room and start searching for anything that might give them a hint as to Tess' whereabouts) Sheriff: Stop right there! Grant: Whoa! Whoa. Sheriff, what are you doing in my room? Sheriff: When's the last time you saw Tess Harding? Grant: Who? Sheriff: Tess Harding. And don't lie to me. Grant: I barely know the girl. Max: Then why'd you call her cell phone today? Grant: She's a friend of Isabel's. I wanted to ask her advice on a birthday present. Max: And what did she tell you? Grant: She said she was going to Jensen's to pick something up. Max: That's what Kyle said. Grant: I knew I'd be on the dig all day and was pressed for time, when she suggested flowers. She said purple roses were Isabel's favorite. Sheriff: Sorry. Procedure. Grant: Procedure? You break into my room and stick a gun in my face? Sheriff: Tess Harding is missing. Grant: Well, then maybe you should be out looking for her instead of harassing innocent people. Sheriff: Look, Mr. Sorenson... Grant: No. You look, Sheriff. There's obviously no evidence. I don't appreciate you and deputy dog here accusing me. Sheriff: Nobody's accusing you of anything. Grant: You got a search warrant? Sheriff: I can get one. Grant: Then get it, but until then, get out. Sheriff: If you hear from her, you call me. Grant: Right. (Courtney goes outside to smoke a cigarette. Michael confronts her) Courtney: Worried about my health? Michael: Who are you? Courtney: What? Michael: You know what I'm talking about. Courtney: Are you, like, high or something? (Michael shows her the picture he found in Whitaker's office) Courtney: Where'd you get that? Michael: From your file in Whitaker's office. Courtney: Get out of my face. Michael: You're gonna tell me exactly what's going on. Courtney: No, I don't have to tell you anything. Michael: So, you working with her? You spying on us? Is that what you're doing? Courtney: You're a big man, aren't you? Michael: Don't jerk me around. If you're not working with Whitaker, then why does she have photos of you...documents, huh? Why is she watching you? Why is a U.S. Congresswoman interested in a waitress from Roswell? Courtney: Because I was sleeping with her stepson, that's why! Michael: Stepson. Courtney: That's right. He screwed his life up with drugs, and I screwed my life up with him. When we got busted, do you know who went down for that? I spent 2 years in Buckman, and the only reason why I got out of there is because I promised that bitch that I would never see him again. So I guess that she's just making sure I keep that promise. Michael: All right. Thanks. Courtney: Thanks? (Courtney slaps Michael) Courtney: Jerk! (Maria pulls up in the Jetta just as Michael has his hands on Courtney's shoulders) Maria: Michael, we got to go. Isabel's in trouble. (Isabel searches through the power plant, frequently hearing sobbing noises. She eventually finds Tess, battered and bruised on the floor) Isabel: Oh, Tess. Oh, God. Tess. Oh, God. Wake up. Oh, wake up. (Maria and Michael are on the way to the power plant) Michael: I can't believe you let her go after Tess alone. Maria: She didn't give me a choice. Michael: Well, where's the phone? I'm gonna call Valenti. Get him and Max to meet us there. (Back at the Crashdown, Liz is trying to get in touch with Maria) Liz: Come on. Someone answer the phone...anyone. Mrs. Evans: Liz, have you seen Isabel? Liz: Isabel? (Back at the power plant) Isabel: Come on, Tess. I'll get you up. Come on, I'll get you up. (Back at the Crashdown) Liz: She, uh, spilled punch...you know, on her dress. Mrs. Evans: Oh, my. Liz: But she had to leave because she had to go take care of it. It was...it was upsetting her. Mrs. Evans: Sometimes, honey, if one hair is out of place, she won't leave the house. (Back to Isabel and Tess. Isabel moves Tess to an empty room, and bolts the door) Isabel: There. Tess. Tess, stay with me. Stay with me, Tess. Damn it. Don't die on me now. (The bolts on the door slide over by themselves. Someone is opening them from the other side with an alien power. The door swings open and we see Congresswoman Whitaker) Isabel: It's you. Whitaker: Impressive. Isabel: What? Whitaker: You. Coming here like this. I see my mistake. It wasn't her I was looking for. Isabel: Then why did you take her? Whitaker: Thought she was you. But neither of you looks like you did in the other life. I knew I needed one of the female hybrids. It was a 50/50 chance. Isabel: Oh, God. What is it you want from us? Whitaker: Where's the granilith? Isabel: The what? Whitaker: The granilith. Don't pretend you don't know. We've been looking for it. We can't exist here like you...not in our natural state. We don't have the DNA. All we have are these...uh, skins. Our limit is 50 years. My time is almost up. I need to find the granilith if it's the last thing I do. Isabel: I don't know what you're talking about. Whitaker: You're hiding it. The four of you. The royalty they tried to save by sending you here. You're gonna help us. Isabel: Never. Whitaker: You did before. You will again. Isabel: You killed Nasedo, didn't you? Whitaker: To save you. Isabel: From what? Whitaker: The other 3. You belong with us, our race. We're in charge now. Your kind doesn't rule anymore. Isabel: I'm not one of you. Whitaker: You don't remember, do you? Let me give you a piece of history about your planet. Your name was Vilandra, and you were beautiful...even more beautiful than you are now. You had a great love...and for him...for us...you betrayed your brother, your race. Isabel: No. Whitaker: You sacrificed him. You sacrificed everyone...even yourself. And history, my dear, always repeats itself. Isabel: God, you liar. We're leaving. Tess, come on. Come on. Whitaker: Not until you tell me where you're hiding the granilith. Isabel: I told you before, I don't know what you're talking about. Whitaker: Well, maybe this will help jog your memory. (Whitaker raises her hand and an invision force knocks Tess into the air. She lands with a thud) Tess: Uhh! Unh! Isabel: Stop it! Stop hurting her! Whitaker: I'll stop when you tell me what I want to know. (Isabel helps Tess to her and feet and then jumps with her through the window to the platform below. They start making their way to the exit and Whitaker gives chase) Isabel: Come on. (Isabel and Tess make it to the outside. Whitaker also makes it to the outside. She tears off an electrical cable. Max sees them from the gate to the power facility) Max: Isabel! Whitaker: Where's the granilith? Isabel: Get away from us! Whitaker: I'll destroy you. I'll destroy you all if I have to. (Whitaker uses her power to start sending a stream of electrical sparks through the cable towards Isabel and Tess) Isabel: No. No! Get away from us! (Isabel holds out her hand and an invisible force reflects the electricity back at Whitaker. She blows up in a hail of shedded skin) (Max, Sheriff Valenti, Michael, and Maria rush in to help. Sheriff Valenti carries Tess to his car) Max: What happened? Isabel: It was Whitaker. She killed Nasedo. Max: It's ok. Isabel: No, it's not. It's not ok. Max: I guess you were right about Grant. I'm gonna have to trust your instincts. Isabel: I didn't know I was capable of this. Max: You're getting stronger. Isabel: We all are. Nasedo said we would. Max: We have to protect each other. What you did for Tess, I know you would do for me, and I would do for you. No one can come between us. Isabel: Max, she said things. Max: What kind of things? Isabel: Something about a granilith. Michael: I know how I...after I used my powers on Pierce...so, uh, if you want to talk or something... Isabel: I think I just need to be alone. (Isabel goes to the pod chamber by herself) Isabel: Happy birthday, Isabel. I'm 18 today, mother. October 25th. At least that's the day we've always celebrated as my birthday. But you're the only one really who knows the real day. I guess that's why I came to the place, the only place I've ever seen you. I hold...I hold on to that day, but you disappeared, and the picture of you was already fading, and it's all I had. I was so happy because you were beautiful and warm, and I even thought I looked like you. But it wasn't you...not really. God, I don't know what you look like. Maybe I'll never know. It isn't fair. It isn't fair. I need you. I need you. Where are you? Oh, God, it's my birthday. We should be together. How could you leave us? How could you tell us all this important information about destinies and saving the world and then just disappear? Oh, God. I...I killed a person...uh, an...an enemy, an...an alien? Does that make it ok? Oh, God. What was she talking about? What was she talking about? She said I betrayed my family. Is it true? Is it true? Am I a terrible person? Answer me. Answer me. Come on, answer me! (Isabel grabs a nearby rock and throws it at the pods in frustration. There is a glow from one of the pod chambers. Isabel crawls into one of the pods. At the back of that chamber, a previously hidden door slides open, revealing a humming alien device. The scene fades out with Isabel gazing upon the granilith) Isabel: The granilith.

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