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“Oh, just a declaration of good faith,” said Cosmo, as the coach stopped. “One day you might feel inclined to ask me for the other half. But understand me, Mr. Lipwig, I don’t usually take the trouble to do things the hard way. ” “Don’t bother to do so on my account, please,” said Moist, wrenching the door open. Sator ...
It was a funny thing, but everyone seemed to want to live under the despotic rule of the tyrannical Lord Vetinari. They poured into the city whose streets were apparently paved with gold. It wasn’t gold. But the influx was having an effect, no doubt about it. Wages were falling, to start with. This march was against th...
Where’s the sense in that? What are we, magpies? Is it all about the gleam? Good heavens, potatoes are worth more than gold!” “Surely not!” “If you were shipwrecked on a desert island, what would you prefer, a bag of potatoes or a bag of gold?” “Yes, but a desert island isn’t Ankh-Morpork!” “And that proves gold is onl...
Moist stared. “You just can’t avoid it in the catering business, sir,” said Aimsbury miserably. This wasn’t the time, really wasn’t the time. But if you weren’t interested in people, then you didn’t have the heart of a trickster. “You’re allergic to g—this stuff?” he said, correcting himself just in time. “No, sir. The...
Any bank in the Plains would give me the cash, withholding a commission, of course, because banks skim you top and bottom. Still, it’s much easier than lugging bags of coins around. Of course I’d have to sign it too, otherwise it wouldn’t be secure. I mean, if it was blank after “pay,” anyone could use it. Desert islan...
It’s the damn ring, that’s what it is! It’s not my fault Vetinari has thin fingers! He would have smelled a rat if the bloody thing had fitted! Why didn’t he let me have it made bigger? Hah, and if I had he’d have sent Cranberry along later to murder the jeweler! I know he’ll send him after me, I know it! Cranberry fri...
And she left, taking the wretched golems with her. That was last week. Since then the tunnel had completely fallen in and the blowing sand had covered everything. THE MONEY LOOKED after itself. It sailed down the centuries, buried in paperwork, hidden behind lawyers, groomed, invested, diverted, converted, laundered, d...
I am going to get our bank back. Do see yourselves out. ” He got up, walked to the door, shut it carefully behind, and then ran like hell for his study, where he stood with his back to the door and gloated, an exercise he had just the face for. Good old Dad! Of course, that little talk had been back when he was ten, an...
Spectacles were an obvious choice, but Moist achieved very good results with his own design of nose and ear wigs. Show a man a pair of ears that small songbirds had apparently nested in, watch the polite horror in his eyes, and you could be certain that would be all he would remember. Now, of course, he was an honest m...
“He went right through the cab window without touching the sides and bounced off that bloke creepin’ up. Very nice roll as he landed, I thought, and he still had hold of the little dog the whole time. Done it before, I shouldn’t wonder. Nevertheless, I’m forced, on balance, to consider him a twit. ” “The first cab,” sa...
“A few misguided people are seeking to open accounts, but—” “How many?” “About two or three hundred, but—” “Opening accounts, you say?” said Moist. Mr. Bent was squirming. “Only for trifling sums, a few dollars here and there,” he said dismissively. “It would appear that they think you have ‘something up your sleeve. ’...
Back when he’d been a naughty boy he’d sold dreams, and the big seller in that world was the one where you got very rich by a stroke of luck. He’d sold glass as diamonds because greed clouded men’s eyes. Sensible, upright people, who worked hard every day, nevertheless believed, against all experience, in money for not...
“In fact, I don’t think some of them have ever been in a bank before, except perhaps during the hours of darkness. ” “I would like you to be present, of course, but I will make the final decision,” said Moist, as loftily as he could manage. “Aided by the chairman, naturally. ” “Mr. Fusspot?” “Oh yes. ” “He is an expert...
” The chief cashier snorted, but followed the thugs out of the office. The young man with the briefcase made as if to leave as well, but Harry waved him back into his seat. “You want to watch that Bent,” he said to Moist. “There’s something funny about him. ” “Odd, maybe, but he wouldn’t like to be called funny. So, wh...
Lipwig?” “Because people don’t like change. But make the change happen fast enough and you go from one type of normal to another. ” “Well, we could hire some golems, I suppose,” said the printer. “But I fear there are other difficulties less easy to overcome. Do you realize that if you start printing money then you wil...
“My father himself gave you a job as trainee clerk, didn’t he?” “That is correct, sir. ” “He was very…understanding, my father,” said Cosmo. “And rightly so. No sense in dredging up the past. ” He paused for a little while to let this sink in. Bent was intelligent, after all. No need to use a hammer when a feather woul...
He’ll be ten minutes having a nice cup of tea, just to teach me a lesson, five minutes to find out the clacks isn’t working, about one second to decide that he’d be blowed if he was going to sort out the fault on a night like this, another second to think: the paperwork was okay, he’d checked for the watermark, and tha...
He leaned against the balustrade and, to Moist’s annoyance, lit the stub of a cigarette. Moist watched from between the fronds while the man leaned comfortably on the marble, looking down at the floor below. He was sure that guards weren’t supposed to do this. And smoking, too! After a few reflective drags, the guard d...
“Just as I thought,” he said, pocketing the tube. “You forgot to take the cap off. It’s the kind of mistake amateurs always make!” Owlswick hesitated, and then said: “You mean there’s people who commit suicide professionally?” “Look, Mr. Jenkins, I’m here to—” Moist began. “I’m not going back to that jail! I’m not goin...
I trust your job is not getting on top of you?” Somewhere en route to the palace, Moist thought, he must have stepped into another world. It had to be something like that. It was the only explanation. “Er…who was hanged?” he said. “Owlswick Jenkins, the forger,” said Vetinari, devoting himself again to the surgical rem...
I’ve never even heard of stygium before today! He must have made it up— He sensed the heat before it, and saw the ring blaze white-hot as it fell into the box. The lid snapped shut, leaving a purple hole in Moist’s vision. “Remarkable, isn’t it,” said Vetinari. “Incidentally, I think you were needlessly silly to hold i...
“You in your shuit o’ lightsh!” MOIST’S PAST LIFE flashed before his eyes. He didn’t even need to go to the bother of dying, although he felt as though he was going to. It was Cribbins! It could only be Cribbins! Moist’s memory sandbagged him, one bag after another. The teeth! Those damn false teeth! They were that man...
They wouldn’t get an offer like that in a hundred years—” Someone was coming down the swaying stairs. Moist recognized him as Young Alf, who, amazingly, had managed to be employed in the Mint while still too young to shave though definitely old enough to have spots. “Er, the men say, will there be badges?” said the boy...
” “Perhaps? ‘Perhaps’ could wait until after lunch, couldn’t it? If it was ‘definitely,’ now, I could have seen the point—” “Oh dear, I’m afraid I’m lost again, and through no fault of my own, I might add,” grumbled the Chair of Indefinite Studies. “I’m afraid, they keep changing the parameters and they do leak so, I d...
“You might find your ears aching,” said Ponder, raising his voice. “Hex tries to control the speed, but it takes finite time for the ventilators to get air back into the room. THE VOLUME OF THE CABINET CHANGES VERY FAST, YOU SEE!” This was shouted against the thunder of collapsing drawers. They slammed in on themselves...
“Why, only this morning he licked my face!” Adora Belle stopped and turned to stare at him. “Really?” she said. “Then it’s just as well I got back when I did. ” CHAPTER 7 The joy of collops Mr. Bent goes out to lunch The Dark Fine Arts Amateur thespians, avoidance of embarrassment by The Pen of Doom! Professor Flead ge...
” “Look, I’m sorry, okay? And so is Aimsbury! And now will you tell me what all this is about? You found four golems, right? Have you brought them back?” “No, the tunnel collapsed before we got down that far. I told you, they were half a mile down, under millions of tons of sand and mud. For what it’s worth, we think t...
He doesn’t often get a chance to cook for humans and it’d make him feel better. He’ll do anything you want, I’m sure. ” Adora Belle gave him a lopsided look. “I thought you’d suggest that, so I ordered sheep’s head. He was overjoyed. ” “Sheep’s head,” said Moist gloomily, “you know I hate food that stares back. I won’t...
He didn’t calculate, not as other men saw it. Calculation was for people who couldn’t see the answer turning gently in their head. To see was to know. It always had been. The mound of accumulated paperwork dwindled as the fury of his thinking wracked him. There were new accounts being opened all the time. And why? Was ...
“I’m trying to translate a phrase from Umnian,” she said, giving him a wooden smile and absentmindedly wiping her hand on her dress. “Are women allowed to do that sort of thing these days? What fun! One of my greatest regrets, you know, is that when I was in possession of a body I didn’t let it spend enough time in the...
Bent, I believe the young man is right. ” She slipped this at the bottom of a number of working sheets that she was delivering to the in tray, dropped it in as the tray rumbled past, and then the sound of her little boots echoed as she rushed, weeping, the length of the hall to the ladies’ restroom, where she had hyste...
Clamp,” he said. “Finished it yet, have we?” “Oh, yes,” said Clamp, a strange, mirthless little smile on his face. “Here it is. ” On the desk in front of him was the other side of the first proper dollar bill ever to be designed. Moist had seen pictures quite like it, but they had been when he was four years old, in nu...
“I’ll fetch my coat,” said Miss Drapes. The only reason that her words came out at the speed of sound was that she couldn’t make them go any faster. CHAPTER 8 As below, so above No pain without gain A mind for puzzles Mr. Bent’s sad past Something in the wardrobe Wonderful money Thoughts on madness, by Igor A pot thick...
” “And require yet more expense, I imagine,” said Cosmo, with rather more insight than Heretofore would have expected in his current state. “There are so many bribes, sir. He will not be happy when he finds out, and I daren’t risk the time it would take to make an exact replacement. ” “Yes. I see. ” Cosmo pulled off th...
By the way, do you by any chance have a key to that wardrobe?” “No key. He put a new lock on it years ago, but Mum didn’t complain because he’s never any trouble. It’s one of those magic ones they sell at the university,” Ludmilla went on, as Moist examined the lock. The trouble with the wretched magical ones was that ...
The possibilities are endless! But, but, but, um, of course we’re not upsetting things in any way!” “I’m very glad to hear it, Hubert,” said Adora Belle, tugging harder. “Of course we are having teething troubles! But everything is being done with immense care! Nothing has been lost because we’ve left a valve open or a...
“I have no doubt that they will be found shtill jogging along, but possibly in the opposite direction. ” “Back toward the last?” she said, looking worried. “Ah, dear lady, remember that they will by then be the first. ” “Oh yes, I hadn’t thought of it like that. That’s the only way it could work, unless of course the o...
“Oh dear,” said Hubert. THE COMIC CONVENTION, when two people are dining at a table designed to accommodate twenty, is that they sit at either end. Moist and Adora Belle didn’t try it, but instead huddled together. Gladys stood at the other end, a napkin over one arm, her eyes two sullen glows. The sheep skull didn’t h...
If you were nimble, you could stay upright, but you couldn’t steer and there were no brakes and you just knew that it was going to end in a certain amount of fuss. It wasn’t Constable Haddock anymore. It had stopped being Constable Haddock just as soon as Constable Haddock had found that the pockets of the master of th...
Cosmo looked up and stared at the man as if seeing him for the first time and not enjoying the novelty. “Hh, yes. Fifty dollars indeed for now, Reverend,” said Cosmo soothingly. “And in the morning, if your memory is still as good, we will all look forward to a richer and righteous future. Do not let me detain you. ” H...
And Moist thought: So, the werewolf is female and has a Watch badge on her collar, and I’ve seen that hair color before. Hah! But his gaze had gone straight back to Mr. Fusspot, who was jumping and spinning with a look of total bliss on his little face— —and then Captain Carrot had plucked him out of the air, the werew...
Then he went back to the office and rammed it into a desk drawer, where it stuck, this being the chief function of ladles in the world. Rattle your drawers, that was it. She was attracted to the noise, apparently. “Oh Anoia,” he said, tugging at the drawer handle. “This is me, Moist von Lipwig, penitent sinner. I don’t...
“Er, I believe it was fifty thousand dollars, Mr. King,” said Moist. “Yes, I believe it was something like that,” said Mr. King. “Can yer guess what I am going to do now, Mr. Lipwig?” Moist did not guess. The Splot was still circulating in his system, and, in his brain, the answer clanged like a funeral bell. “You’re g...
’” The street shook again. “Four thousand golems, I think you’ll find,” said Flead cheerfully. “Oh, and here they are now!” THEY CAME ALONG the streets six abreast, wall to wall and ten feet high, water and mud cascading off of them. The city echoed to their tread. They did not trample people, but mere market stalls an...
“I don’t know, sir. I didn’t know I had to find solutions as well. ” “Any of the other cities would attack us if they had these golems,” said Lord Downey, “and surely we don’t have to think of their jobs, do we? Surely a little bit of conquest would be in order?” “An empirette, perhaps?” said Vetinari sourly. “We use o...
It was uncomfortable to hold it there with no actual shoulder to take the weight, but style was everything in these matters. The watchers heard some urgent whispering pass to and fro, and then Flead said, “You mean it’s…smutty?” Smut, thought Moist. He really is old. “Oh, yes. Even, I might go so far as to say, suggest...
Fusspot, he was apparently having the time of his life standing on the horse’s head. There’s nothing a small dog likes more than a high place from which to yap madly at people…no, actually, there was, and the chairman had managed to wedge his toy between a clay ear and his paw, and stopped barking to growl every time M...
“Yes? Barnsforth?” “Is this exactly legal under college rules, sir?” “Of course not! Think of what might happen if this sort of thing fell into the wrong hands! Hold the lantern higher, Goatly, we’re losing the light. ” “And whose hands would that be, sir?” “Well, technically ours, as a matter of fact. But it’s perfect...
I will not be dining tonight. “Tomorrow I will change,” he said aloud, when the door had shut behind Cranberry. He reached down and drew the sword. It was a thing of beauty. In the picture opposite, Lord Vetinari raised an eyebrow and said: “Tomorrow you will be a beautiful butterfly. ” Cosmo smiled. He was nearly ther...
There was Harry King, grinning at him, and the cloud of smoke that indicated the presence of Adora Belle, and—oh yes, the new high priestess of Anoia, her crown of bent spoons all shiny, her ceremonial ladle held stiffly, her face rigid with nerves and importance. You owe me, girl, Moist thought, ’cos a year ago you ha...
Slant looked flustered, and turned his eyes to Vetinari. “Are you sure you wish me to continue, my lord?” “Oh yes,” said Vetinari. “To the death, Mr. Slant. ” “Er…you have been hanged before?” Slant said to Moist. “Oh, yes. I did not wish it to become a habit. ” That got another laugh. Mr. Slant turned again to Vetinar...
And now I want to talk to Mr. Bent, please. ” There were two honks this time. “Oh yes he is,” said Vetinari. “Shall we get him out for the boys and girls? What is 15. 3 percent of 59. 66?” “You leave him alone! Just you leave him alone!” The battered crowd parted yet again, this time for a disheveled Miss Drapes, as ou...
Moist grabbed the man’s left hand and tore the glove off. It came away with a sucking sound and a smell that was unimaginably, nose-cakingly bad. The nearest guard threw up. So many colors, thought Moist. So many…wiggling things… And there, still visible in the suppurating mass, was the unmistakable sullen gleam of sty...
“Where are we going?” “Hardly any distance. We’re going to see Mr. Bent. ” THE CLOWN WHO opened the little sliding door in the Fools’ Guild’s forbidding gates looked from Vetinari to Moist to Adora Belle, and wasn’t very happy about any of them. “We are here to see Dr. Whiteface,” said Vetinari. “I require you to let u...
“Could you please leave us, gentlemen?” There was an affronted look on the chief clown’s face, which was made worse by the permanent happy smile, but the door shut behind them. “Listen, Mr. Bent,” said Moist urgently. “We’re in a mess—” “I believed in the gold, you know,” said Bent. “Didn’t know where it was, but I bel...
There aren’t any,” said Adora Belle, trying to look serious and not succeeding. “Well, never mind, I’m sure some ingenious person will devise one for you eventually. When they do, don’t hesitate to refrain from bringing it home. In the meantime, we have this wretched fait accompli. ” Vetinari shook his head in what Moi...
” “And loyal?” “He took a pie for you, sir. ” “A tactical thinker at speed, then. ” “Oh yes. ” “Bearing in mind his own future was riding on the pie as well. ” “He is certainly sensitive to political currents, no doubt about it,” said Drumknott, picking up his bundle of files. “And, as you say, popular,” said Vetinari,...
He had been following events with more care than Hubert employed, and as far as he could see, the missing gold had been disposed of by the Lavishes years ago. Mr. Lipwig had been in trouble, but it seemed to Igor that trouble hit Mr. Lipwig like a big wave hitting a flotilla of ducks. Afterward, there was no wave but t...
THE PINK PUSSYCAT Club was packed again tonight…except for seat seven (front row, center). The record for anyone remaining in seat seven was nine seconds. The baffled management had replaced the cushions and the springs several times. It made no difference. On the other hand, everything else was going so inexplicably w...
* Anyone who has ever seen the River Ankh sliding along its bed of miscellaneous nastiness would understand why so much of the piscine food for the people of Ankh-Morpork has to be supplied by the fishing fleets of Quirm. In order to prevent terrible gastric trouble for the citizenry, Ankh-Morpork fishmongers have to e...
Simnel gave her son a curious look for a moment or two, then appeared to reach a grudging conclusion and said, “Just you come with me, my lad. ” She led him back into the house, where they climbed up the ladder into the attic. She pointed out to her son a sturdy seaman’s chest covered in dust. “Your granddad gave me th...
Vetinari blew out his reading lamp moments before a ferocious-looking individual pushed the point of a crossbow bolt to the glass of the carriage, which was now in darkness, and said, “Just you come out here with all your valuables or it’ll be the worse for you, okay! No tricks now! We’re assassins!” Lord Vetinari calm...
Magnus was a speedy runner, as befitted the Ankh-Morpork Rat Pack, *5 and as he ran he tried to figure out what it was that he had done wrong. After all, it had taken him forever by various means to get to Uberwald, and he was a dwarf, and they were dwarfs and … It dawned on him that there had been something in the new...
Somebody had to do it, of course—and it wasn’t as if it was actually Harry himself, not for many years, since he paid the gongfermors, dunnykin divers, and now a whole army of goblins as well to do the dirty work. Still, what he needed now, he thought, was an occupation that was manly without being despicable. Absentmi...
” “Thank you, Sir King, that’s very kind of you, sir, but we’ll have to get t’boiler warmed up first, sir, and so we’ll have ’er throbbing in no more than two hours, sir. ” Harry King took his cigar out of his mouth and said, “What?! Throbbing?” Dick smiled nervously. “You’ll see, sir, you’ll see. ” Very shortly afterw...
And the smell was good, unlike those he and Effie had put up with over the years. Oh, yes, they could definitely have their time, though he’d need to keep the lads on their toes. He looked up and the clacks towers blinked relentlessly and Harry King saw the future. The wind above the clacks towers was blowing from the ...
“You don’t go and tell anyone that you’ll take whatever they want to give you! You bargain, lad. Don’t get starry-eyed! You bargain. You bargain hard. ” There was silence and then the lad said, “Mister King, before I decided to come to Ankh-Morpork I talked about things with me mother, a very shrewd lady—she ’ad to be,...
The Patrician was, unusually, not at his desk, but paying attention to something on the large polished table that filled one half of the Oblong Office. He was, in fact, playing. It seemed ridiculous, but there was no denying it: he was watching a children’s toy quite intently, a little cart, or trolley of some sort, on...
” Lord Vetinari stepped up his pace and continued, “And what is it that we can take away from all this, I fail to hear you ask? Well, I shall tell you. What the wise man will take away is a certainty that any favour is worth doing for a good boss, and I, Mister Lipwig, am a most exemplary and forbearing employer. This ...
Moist suddenly noticed the crowd outside the compound fence, pressing up against every inch of wire netting, and felt their expectancy. As the coach stopped, he smelled the acrid scent of coal smoke cutting through the general fetor, and heard what sounded like a dragon having difficulty sleeping, a kind of chuffing no...
And then, well, thought Moist, there was not very much, just one chuff, a jerk, another couple of chuffs, and another jerk, another chuff, and suddenly they were moving, not only moving but accelerating as if the end of Iron Girder was trying to be out in front. Through roiling clouds of steam Moist looked behind at th...
” Lord Vetinari’s face gave nothing away, and then he said, “Oh really? I strike when I like, but never mind, Mister Simnel. I will not stand in the way of your exploring possibilities with Mister Lipwig, but I suggest we must also consider the position of the coachmen and farriers in this time of change. ” Yes, Moist ...
” Drumknott waited while not a muscle moved in Lord Vetinari’s face before he said, “Let it be known that enemy action on the clacks system will be followed by the death of not only those who did it but also those who ordered it to be done, whoever they are. Send this to every embassy, consulate, and head of state. Act...
“I am here to tell you, my friends and, indeed, my smiling enemies, that if we do not band together against the forces that wish to keep us in darkness, dwarfkind will be diminished. We need to work together, talk to one another, deal properly with one another, and not spend all our time in one enormous grump that the ...
Then he wondered: had anyone ever thought of themselves as a fangler? However, on the other hand, his lordship quite saw the point of the coach drivers and the others who even now, according to the Times , could see their business falling away if the railway were to be introduced, and he pondered, in such circumstances...
Except on their side, of course. Young dwarfs, badly advised. They should have known better. ” The silence enveloped Lord Vetinari. “Indeed,” said his lordship, “but it is easy to be an idiot when you are seventeen and I would warrant that the grags who put them up to it are much older. There is no sense in breaking th...
Go on, bugger off, the lot of you. ” And indeed they did, all except one, the very largest, a troll who glittered strangely and was watching Moist most intently, but not as intently as Moist watched him. And, Moist thought, the troll was … a gentleman. He couldn’t think of him in any other way; he was well dressed, whi...
Me mum paid for me to get a better learning, being as ’er side of the family had money from …” he paused “… fishing, and one of my uncles made theodolites and other delicate instruments, and I thought to meself, well, this is very helpful, especially when he taught me ’ow to blow glass, and what I need glass for is my...
Colon and Nobby were supposed to have been on the beat in the Shades, but Colon had delegated that task to a couple of new recruits. “Good experience for ’em, Nobby. And it’s likely to be a dangerous business, this streaming engine. Needs someone to have a look-see—a couple of experienced coppers, let’s say, prepared t...
” “In that case, my lord … I think it might be possible to construct such a thing as an armored train,” said Moist, inventing furiously. He was gratified to see that Lord Vetinari brightened when he heard that, repeating the words “armored train” once or twice more. Then his lordship said, “Can it really be possible?” ...
On the other hand, some were of a type that Moist recognized: shrewd old buffers who’d lead you to believe they were harmless and possibly slightly gaga and then, with a little twinkle in their eye—BANG!—squeeze more money out of you than a snake, twinkling all the way. Lord Underdale, one such gentleman, had plied Moi...
” Harry nudged Moist and said, in a conspiratorial tone, “I’ll have you dumped in the river if you tell anybody this, but I’m loving it! I mean, most of my life has been, not to put too much of a fine point on it, shit, honest to goodness shit, not to mention of course piss, which has also been a very good friend to me...
And so trail after trail of wagons were working their way through the countryside, in which working men and surveyors could sleep and take their meals anywhere the railway wanted them to go rather than wasting time going home at night. The tracklaying was now pressing hard at Moist’s heels as he dealt with the multipli...
The trouble with my brethren in Oi Dong is that they are fixated on the belief that the universe can be totally understood, in every particular jot and tittle. ” Ridcully burst out laughing. “Oh, my word! You know, my wonderful associate Mister Ponder Stibbons appears to have fallen into the same misapprehension. It se...
You’ll have heard of Leonard of Quirm. There are some masters who make themselves, and you have—you’ve made yourself an engineer and everybody knows it. ” Simnel brightened and said, “I don’t intend on starting me own guild, if that’s what you’re thinking, but if some young lad comes to see me and wants to learn the wa...
“Never had a problem here on the Plains. When I were doing me tests the horses in the next field would try to outpace Iron Girder, racing her, as it were, and I reckoned they thought it was fun!” But Hardwick wasn’t to be thrown off. “You must admit, Mister Simnel, that the train is inherently dangerous? Some people ha...
” And then drive that express train route to Uberwald, he added to himself … His lordship was so very keen on international relations. Later that night, Fred Colon and Nobby Nobbs proceeded in a policeman-like fashion around the railway compound. After all, they bore the Majesty of the Force and therefore had a right t...
” Trouble, glaring at Moist, moved away from the door so that Moist and Sir Harry could go inside. Moist could feel Trouble’s glare on the back of his neck as he walked through, and asked, “Harry, does Trouble have an official Watch record?” Harry King stared for a moment at Moist and said, “Of course he’s got a Watch ...
” Adora Belle stared at her husband and added, “Do you know that when you’ve found out something amazingly interesting and useful your eyes light up like a Hogswatch decoration? So stop glittering right now and go and smarten yourself up before we sit down to a proper dinner. ” It was a rule of Moist and Adora Belle’s ...
Moist’s wife was regarding her husband carefully, as if checking that all the bits were there in their rightful places, at which point the doctor grabbed his hand and boomed, “Somebody up there must be watching over you, Mister Lipwig. How do you feel? As your physician I must tell you that jumping in front of railway ...
“Engineers and suchlike know all about hot steel, high speeds, and wheels spinning fast, right! For most people, exhilarating speed is a runaway horse. Many people get hurt in this city every year when dear old Dobbin the dray horse suddenly feels his oats and heads for pastures new down the middle of the road. “My adv...
” Well, Moist tried, he really did, and after a frustrating fortnight haggling over every handkerchief-sized plot, he was ready to give up and head back to Ankh-Morpork. Harry wasn’t going to like this, he thought, and, worse still, neither was Vetinari, but he could probably talk his way out of it, possibly. His gloom...
” “That’s as may be, but the railway employs lots of trolls and even goblins … I mean, goblins! Filth! We’re being pushed aside. The Low King has sold his soul to bloody Vetinari and the next thing you know they’ll have built a railway line to Uberwald and all our mines will be full of stinking goblins … unless we stan...
“Good morning, gentlemen! We are the Goblin Preservation Society and all of yous has got two minutes to get up and be out of here. Got it? Nice and smart, chums!” A bandit stumbled out of his tent and sneered, “We don’t care who you are, and you can shove all of that right up your jacksie, monsieur. ” And Harry said, “...
Please, I’m begging you, remove my shackles and I promise to do whatever you ask. ” The silence in the room grew thicker, more dense, as if it was pulling itself together. How long had he been in here now? It might as well have been years, or merely seconds … That was the difficulty about darkness; it encompassed every...
“The clacks saw a bit of trouble a few months ago with extremist factions knocking down some of their towers, but that seems to have died down now. And there don’t seem to be many dwarfs interested in working on the railway. Something to do with the grags, I expect. The grags don’t seem to like anybody of importance in...
Long way back to Ankh-Morpork line! Looks for you to get them out of here. Me? I ain’t just fallen off Hogswatch tree. You don’t carry knife, and now it nighttime and you are still in maquis. Worse here than just bandits! Bad worse! Everything bad end up in the maquis and you still with no weapon. What are your orders,...
He felt his arms and legs going about their terrible business, especially his arms, and he was aware of noises, unpleasant noises, cracking noises, splatting noises, but they came as a kind of incoherent memory, as did the screams … Little parcels of recollection bobbing up and down like the bubbles in a bottle of home...
After their meal, Moist arranged for the goblins to travel on to Harry’s compound in the freight trucks of the utility engine that serviced the railhead, went to find the golem horse, still obediently rolling and galloping in the meadow, and headed back toward the city. Harry King was close to incandescent at the best ...
Those wretched delvers will stop at nothing, and I mean no offense when I say I’m surprised that you managed to take the bastards down. ” He lowered his voice, almost to a whisper, and said, “What did it feel like, son?” There was an expression in Vimes’s eyes that told Moist that now, if ever, it was time for the trut...

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