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AITAH for asking out a man my friend liked? | I 43f made friends with 43f Stacy 6 months ago. We are both actively dating so we encounter a lot of the same guys. I’m more looking for a FWB situation she thinks she would like a relationship. I specifically asked her if there was anyone off limits and she listed three guys she had been seeing she would want to be serious with. Saturday night neither of us had a date so we went out drinking. She flirted with every guy there but when they didn’t pan out she started texting all the guys in her phone to meet us. Mark 43m showed up. She told me she had hooked up with Mark but he wasn’t one who slept around.
After all of us drinking for a half hour she says she has to go and whispers to me to have fun. We talked for hours and closed the bar down. He even alluded to wanting to find a partner. At one point she texted me for updates.
We went outside and talked more and he asked for my number. I asked him if he wanted to go out the next night and he said yes. He kissed me and we ended up hooking up. As I left I said do you really want to date me? He said yes.
So I went home texted her what happened. Woke up Sunday to a lot of texts about how dare I do this to her she liked him. I was like you told me to have fun? She said yes hook up with him but not actually date him!? I said fine I didn’t realize he was off limits I’ll not see him. She tells me if we really like each other she won’t stand in our way. She also said I had made it clear I only wanted a FWB and I said I can’t help who I end up liking.
She wouldn’t let it go. Texted him saying I told her we were dating now. She said he told her we weren’t I asked him out and he doesn’t want a relationship.
I texted him and told him because she was upset we couldn’t see each other again. He told me what a great time he had but he understood. Texted me a few more times that day trying to change my mind. I finally said she likes you and I don’t want drama so no.
So AITAH for asking this man out? I told him since trust was so important to him I wouldn’t sneak around but WIBTA if we exchange texts sometimes. | Personally I would have never done what you did especially given SHE invited him.
But I can see how you felt led on by her. TBH, I don’t think this is about her liking the guy. I think this is more about her feeling hurt/rejected that he “chose “ you over her. |
AITAH for choosing my birthday gaming tradition over staying with my girlfriend while she is home alone? | My (M23s) birthday is on January 13th. Every year, I have a tradition where my cousin and I set up our computers and have a gaming marathon throughout the weekend. It’s a tradition we’ve kept for a long time, and we usually do it the weekend following my birthday.
This year, that weekend happens to be a rare occasion where my girlfriend’s parents are traveling, and she will have the house to herself. She asked me if I would spend the day and night at her place since she’ll be alone.
I told her I was planning to keep my tradition with my cousin. She then told me that she would be very upset if I chose to stay home and play games with my cousin instead of spending that time with her, given that this opportunity for her to have the house alone is rare.
To be clear, her intention isn't related to anything sexual, as she is currently on her period and has made it known that she just wants my company and to spend time together.
So now I’m at a crossroads. On one hand, it’s my birthday and a yearly tradition I really enjoy. On the other hand, my girlfriend feels that I should prioritize spending this specific time with her since the house is empty and she just wants us to be together.
My cousin's parents don't really like him sleeping over because they live far away; my birthday is more of an excuse for him to do so, and I can do 3pm foward on sunday with she and sleep together too, if i chose gaming night
AITA for wanting to stick with my original plans? | Nta.
Also may want to consider this foreshadowing. |
WIBTAH for calling my MIL out for her possessiveness over my baby? | So I just had my baby a few days ago and my MIL seems to be possessive over my baby. She is currently respecting all boundaries regarding touching and is being very helpful with getting stuff for the baby. Too helpful in my opinion. She offers help, then when we say we dont need something she gets it anyways. She made casseroles for us unprompted and as nice as it is, her house has mold and I refuse to eat anything prepared at her house. Not to mention she is a bit of a horder and has not great cooking tendancies.
She is also super sensitive. My Husband told her that baby cannot go to their house due to the mold and mess and she cried. Started saying how she was going to convert one of her rooms into a baby room ect. Trying to guilt Husband.
When we announced the pregnancy she hugged me and said "im so scared for you" in my ear and then went to husband and said "im so excited for you". I felt this was off.
FF to now and I just had my baby. First time there she said "thank you for giving this to me" and when she talks with her friends she says things like "my baby". Vs "my grandbaby". When at our house she said "oh look at our baby" and I mean that is better I guess but I still dont like it. No one has ever said things like this about babies born into my family. Its always "look what YOU made, what you have" maybe "we are so blessed" but never ownership over the baby itself.
If my older son had a baby I cant imagine saying these things. I feel like its taking away from my husband and I's experience on our first child together.
So, WIBTAH if I told her "he is my baby". What should I do with this? Husband thinks its just her being excited but it feels very encroaching. Ordering stuff to our house we dont need. Then needing to Stop by to pick it up to return. Idk.
Again also less than a week post partum si bot sure what is hormones and what is crossing the line vs normal first time grandma excitement. I also dont want to leave it unaddressed and find it worse weeks or months from now. (FIL is wonderful and hasnt pushed once and helps reign her in when she is being too much and he sees im getting tired.) | Clear boundaries! You AND YOUR HUSBAND need to set clear boundaries. Like "look, you can come visit two times a week, like monday and friday, but not more. And we really appreciate your thoughtfulness. But all this takes away our own experiences with the baby. We want to take care of the little bundle of joy without so much help so we can learn better. It may be your first grandchild but it is OUR FIRST CHILD". |
AITAH for not giving my mom money | My mom just asked me for £50 and I (19)don’t want to give it to her, she says she’ll pay it back at the end of the month but she constantly asking for money from me.
She borrowed money from her cousins and she hasn’t payed anything towards it , but I pay £300-400 towards it every month, I pay for my little sisters extra sports , outings and clothes , I buy groceries weekly and pay the electric and gas bill and I work less hours(I work part time 25-29 hours)than her(full time 40 hours) and still have enough left over to save
She says I don’t contribute anything to the house financially, and wants to rent my room out to someone else and then I’d have to share a room with her and my sister then will proceed to ask me for £100-£50 pounds every week saying it’s for petrol and groceries,but the groceries are already there and there’s no way petrol is £100-50 a week.
She’s made it a habit to spend all her money on what ever and then ask me to cover things for her so I just tell her I don’t have the money
Sometimes she’ll ask to see my account to see if I’m lying about not having the money… I say no
I’m just confused, because she earns more than me and has worked longer than me but has nothing left every month?
But aitah for not giving it to her? | NTA. She is financially irresponsible and it is a common problem. She needs to learn to budget. One option for you, since you are paying anyways and an adult now, is make a rental agreement, formal written and signed, for your room and board. The benefit here is she can include this in the budget and you can remove the expectation of being reimbursed (a resentment) since you are reclassifying the money. |
AITAH for refusing to let my sister babysit my cousin's kids | Me (23 F) and my sister (21 F) both live together in our own apartment and have for about a year now. Not long after we moved in, my cousin (19 F) started asking my sister to babysit her two kids, both under the age of 1 at the time. At first I didn't mind too much, they weren't too loud and even if we weren't getting paid for it, they're family.
Then, my cousin decided to end things with their baby daddy (21) because she said he was abusive to her. It's important to note that she's always been a pathelogical liar and exaggerates quite literally anything and everything if she thinks she'll get attention from it. Do I think her baby daddy was a good guy? No, not at all. I believed her for a bit, until my sister (who is much closer to her) told me all of her stories were extremely exaggerated. I won't get into the mess of her moving around, but it was a very stressful time, as her and the kids were around almost 24/7.
After about a month of this I told my sister I was done with it. This is our first apartment, we'd just managed to leave an uncomfortable home with our emotionally abusive alcoholic parents and finally had our own space, and now I didn't even want to be here. Not to mention every time our cousin would leave the kids with us, it was because she was either with her new boyfriend or cheating on him. Eventually my sister told her enough was enough and she went back to the home her baby daddy was paying for, though he moved back in with his parents.
Now they rarely stop by, maybe once every two months. But just recently my sister agreed to watch them, which meant I was watching them too. I didn't mind too much since the youngest one has grown on me a bit and the oldest is now a little over a year old and getting to be quite a handful, but I'm not as good with kids as my sister is. That's when I'm informed that my cousin is pregnant. Again. At 19. Even crazier, she doesn't know if it's her NEW new boyfriend's, or her most recent ex, since she's been cheating on her boyfriend since they got together. Now, she refuses to get a job, she's left her kids with her 12 year old brother so she can meet up with a guy or go drinking (which I said if I heard of again that I'd report to the police because what), and she cheats on every guy she gets with. Even before we moved out, I completely cut ties with her, and now, even if my sister is only in contact with her for her kids, I refuse to be a part of her life. The amount of help she's received from us and the rest of our family just for her to do something extremely stupid and throw it all in our face... I don't want any part of it..
In a couple months, we'll be finding a house to rent with my boyfriend (25). I told my sister that if our cousin asks us to babysit her now THREE kids that will be under the age of 2, and with no pay, we'll say no. But she looked at me like I suggested we throw them out on the street. She says that she'll just watch them but with three kids that young, my boyfriend and I will more than likely be pulled in whether we want to or not. He's thought from the beginning that this was a stupid idea, that we're too nice, that my sister has a problem saying no, and he's right. My sister really loves those kids, she's practically their aunt by now. But my boyfriend and I shouldn't have to put up with three babies in the house for my irresponsible, narcissisttic cousin.
So, AITAH for standing my ground on this? I feel like one knowing my sister loves those kids, but I don't want her or I to get taken advantage of by someone we already know is a problem. | NTA but you should not move into another place with your sister. Go live with your boyfriend in a kid-free house, and let your sister do what she wants. |
AITAH because I’m packing to leave, even though he doesn’t accept it? | Sorry it’s long. I’m on my phone and wrote this out a few times, stressed out, ADHD. Let me know if anything isn’t clear enough.
I’m (39) separating from M (45). Married for 18 years together 20 years.
We have two children, (16 and 12) that I have parented, done appointments for, driven around, bought what they needed, and done the activities they enjoy.
I have stayed longer than I should have because I (honestly) was hopeful. Nothing physical happened but he is a man child narcissist or close to it. (I was raised by narcissistic parents.)
I had enough and my children asked if we can leave. That broke something in me and we started to look into what we needed to do and go through the house. (My in-laws own it and the land) Just before Christmas, M had to move my truck to snow blow and I didn’t think anything about it. He seen the paperwork for moving.
He came in and asked if I was moving out. I was honest and said yes. He asked if the kids were coming with me and I said they asked too.
Since then it’s been petty things happening around the house. Do the laundry of towels when I say I will add it to mine to because mine is a small load. Does not help with cooking but eats big portions and I have to cook again sooner. Saying things like it’s a joke when we all asked him to stop. Things like that.
M will sigh, not talk to me about anything unless it’s just chatting about people I don’t care about or our work, and avoids when I need help with things. Like cooking and keeping the house clean.
I have made this house our home and have been packing up and as I take down my things and what I got from my Grandparents, I see how empty this house is getting. (He didn’t care about putting anything up or making it his own.)
I’m waiting for him to say something on his own. I will not push to be the only person starting the conversation needed as I have done for years.
NOW, why I am asking this. I have been given some of his grandma’s kitchen geese years ago from her. She is gone. I’m cleaning them and packing them up very soon. I have been the only one that cleans them. I am taking down the fridge magnets that are mine but make the fridge look bare. M does not like either of this but hasn’t said much but I don’t care at this point. He needs to talk to me and not sigh and look like a beaten dog.
Does this make me an AH? | NTA at all. You need to protect your mental health and that of your children. When they ask to leave, yes you need to do it. |
AITAH for calling my parents once a day while they got fever? | Context: If you’ve ever watched The Sopranos, my mom behaves very similarly to Tony’s mom. I'm in my30s and my parents in their early 60s
That said, I call my mom every day at 5 PM. That’s the bare minimum to not be called a “terrible son who hates his parents“
Yesterday my mom told me she and my father got ill, just fever.
Todat I called her as usual and she was angry at me, saying that I should have called her in the morning to check how they were doing. To ask if they needed some medicine or some food.
I told her that if yesterday they didn't need anything, I assumed the situation wasn't changed during a night, and anyway they could call me anytime if they need help.
She said she would never call me to ask for help, it should come from me. If a son cares for his parents, he would call several times during the day if he knows they're ill, but I didn't call them because clearly I didn't care.
The conversation lasted 40 minutes while I tried to explain my reasons and she kept saying that I'm a terrible son and she asks herself what she had done wrong in life to deserve such a son.
| Just when you thought daily calls were enough surprise. You’ve been promoted to full-time caregiver without the benefits package. |
AITAH for not saying good morning to a teacher I didn’t know? | I am in 10th grade. About three weeks ago, I was really sick. I had a fever and a really bad throat, but I still had to go to school because I had an important exam that day.
At my school, mobiles aren’t usually allowed, but during exams you can get special permission to bring one so you can leave early instead of just sitting around doing nothing after the exam. So I went to the principal’s office to submit my phone.
When I walked in, the principal wasn’t alone. There were three teachers in the room. Two of them I had literally never seen before, and the third was our PE teacher who barely even knows I exist. All three were talking among themselves when I walked in.
I asked permission to enter, then went to put my phone in the box. While I was doing that, one of the teachers I didn’t know suddenly snapped at me in this really egoistical, angry way, asking why I hadn’t wished her good morning. The way she said it made it feel like I had personally insulted her or done something terrible.
I was sick, wearing a cap because it was freezing, and honestly I was confused because I had already asked for permission to enter. Another teacher, in a soft voice, clarified that she was actually upset because I hadn’t said good morning.
I apologized and left, but she looked at me like I had committed a crime. And that’s what bothers me. Why should I be expected to say good morning to a random teacher I don’t know, while she’s literally standing there talking with other teachers? She has never taught me anything, and I have no reason to know her. The way she reacted felt completely unnecessary and honestly kind of humiliating.
So AITA for not saying good morning to a teacher I don’t even know, or was she completely overreacting? | NTA, that teacher is unhinged |
AITAH for not paying my neighbor for cutting a tree in my yard down? | This is a long one, but even the police (when they were called) found this one of their craziest incidents to ever happen. Buckle up if you’re bored! Will try to sum this one up with TLDR at the bottom and all key points:
-November 26th: neighbor across the street stops my wife and I as we’re leaving to see if we want a giant, dying tree in my yard cut down. It borders the fence line of my other neighbor as well, which he has a lot of personal property in his own yard right underneath. I tell the Across Neighbor (AN) that I mean I’d like to get it down eventually but it’s got some serious problems and concerns, so I show him the hollowed hole at the base facing my Side Neighbor’s (SN) fence. He says he already talked to the SN and he wants it down too, and offered to pay half. I say well I’d still like to talk with him in person, or all three of us, and see what he thinks first before anything is done. I ask what even is the price if he suggested paying half? AN says something like we can figure that later (English is his second language) and we departed because I had to get my truck dropped off for a radiator changeout.
-December 30th: My wife gets home first to find our tree is suddenly down. AN comes and tells her they took care of tree. She finds it is lying in the SN’s yard, crushed his fence, old lawnmower, several other items, BBQ pit, tore through a boat cover, broke the axel on his boat, and looks to have hit the side edge of his metal roof. SN also has all this on camera in the back of his yard. I come home and go see the AN to find out what happened, and he says he woke up that morning, saw the tree swaying at the peak, feared it was due to fall soon, so he, his son-in-law, and a third random friend, raced over to tie ropes and pull this thing down while neither I or the SN were home. The AN and SIL ask me to come look at it from my yard, which then the SN gets home, comes out, chews out the AN asking what was he thinking, etc. AN promises to fix all of this and get it cleaned up for the SN tomorrow.
We leave the SN, and I say I had no idea you were coming to do this, last time we talked there wasn’t even a price decided on IF the SN and I were even going to have this split thing done. SIL says they want $700. I told them I don’t even have the money for the half on something like this right now (first baby due in 2 months), so I said I can offer to pay $200. They take it.
December 31st: No one shows up to clean up the tree still lying in SN’s yard. I go speak to SN and he says he had no clue about that tree ever getting cut on. I call the police to make a report and see about pressing charges if needed, because at this point the SN was thinking I had scheduled this tree to be cut by some unlicensed guy we know and damaged a lot of his stuff. Police says it’s more of a civil thing that the SN can take the AN to court over since no one thinks AN meant to cause harm to SN or myself. I let SN know what police said, and he talks with AN (who is out of town but has his cell number).
January 3rd: SIL called me at some point and said he heard I might be pressing charges on them. I said there were steps I had to take to protect myself in this situation and I don’t think you understand what you all did. He says they have video proof of speaking to me on 11/26 and also video proof of SN agreeing to have this tree cut. I tell them like I said back then, I wanted to hear and speak with SN about all of this in person before anything is agreed upon no matter what you’re claiming to me he said. I go talk to SN, he says they did come talk to him about two trees in HIS FRONT YARD about being cut but no price or agreement was decided on. I tell the SIL this and he says oh it must have been a big miscommunication.
From then to January 11th (SHTF Day): The AN and SIL have been slowly working on getting this tree out of SN’s yard. Finally today they get it, and the SIL comes and knocks on the door to let me know. I was feeling pretty bad about how they’ve been decent neighbors the past couple of years that I wave at, and how they still have compensation worked out to fix the SN’s property. I also think I just wanted to try to salvage what is there with a neighbor. So I offer him another $150 and say well I know he’s definitely not paying anything next door, and I do wish yall would have actually asked permission or notified you were wanting to do this in the first place, but here’s what would have been half of the pay you would have charged. I said I appreciate you coming back and making it right for SN. I go back inside, and AN and SIL return minutes later saying they weren’t compensated fairly. I said do what? They say you must have misunderstood, back on 12/30, that night they meant I owed them $700 and SN was to owe them $700 for $1400 total before they crashed into his personal property. I explained do you realize charges weren’t pressed because I ultimately agreed with the police that I didn’t think you were doing this with malicious intent? I said so wait, you’re suddenly wanting money out of me for this to pay for SN’s damages and pocket some profit? AN says this would normally be a $5000 job, and that he saved our lives by doing this. I lose my mind at this point, very irate, ask them what kind of extortion is this, wife comes out and begins yelling at them and SIL’s wife pops up as well who shows up trying to record us. I tell them I literally have a baby on the way, money is tight, there was no note on my door that my tree is wobbling and I’d like to get with you and SN about cutting it, no price given until after you literally caused damage to SN, and then all these claims about miscommunication but you’re still wanting changing amounts of pay? I say I’ve always had licensed cuts, I even had them quote me last time on this final tree I’d need taken down. The daughter basically says why didn’t you call the then? Holy shit I about go off again lol I had the option when you took it out of my hands?? AN asks to come in the yard to continue fixing SN’s fence and I tell him do not ever step foot in my yard again. AITAH in this situation?
TLDR at best: Neighbor across the street interested in cutting my tree that borders my property and other neighbor’s property; Says already spoke to other neighbor who agreed to pay half; never gives price or contacts back about talking with other neighbor; Comes and randomly cuts tree over month later when no one is home, hits other neighbors property, damages, ultimately wants $700 out of me because he made it a job; I give them $200 that night; find out from other neighbor they never discussed that specific tree with him; they come back and clean up everything; I offer to give them $150 more despite my anger and trying to repair relationships or keep the peace; They want $700 more because other guy isn’t paying; I cuss the ever living crap out of them after they say they did it to save our lives and this would normally be a $5000 job. AITAH? | Not too late to make a police report. |
AITAH mother? | For background, myself 67F, daughter 47F! Now at 2, she was adopted by then husband. We spit when she was 10, he was verbally abusive. Long story short Very estranged relationship, with lots of manipulation on both sides! Stayed out of it once she became adult, but always stood beside her decisions with him.
Consequently, she desired to meet bio-dad at 12, hesitation on my part, but made arrangements. I was still knew how to contact his mother. Well, was good for awhile, until he started ghosting her. Took about 6 months.
Lots of struggles trying to keep her in school, she is so smart but doesn’t want to apply herself. She got GED, years later graduated WITH HONORS from ITTTech, yet is an assistant manager at DQ. She had a husband (Army Vet, came back messed up from Iraq) who committed suicide. I was with her! She has had several hard punches in life. I have always stood by her side, supported her physically, mentally, financially, etc. For years!
Here is where I maybe the A..Hole! A couple years ago she got evolved with a man, she met years ago through on line game, he has custody of his 3 children. She cannot have children! Perfect right, wrong! They all showed up on my doorstep, in January, I live way North. Only because of children I let them move into my 2 bedroom house. Kicked them out after 1+ year of them destroying my place, me paying ALL the bills, etc. Then he decided he wanted a polyamorous relationship! What the hell!
Yep got himself girlfriend only 2 years older than his eldest daughter! Moved her into their apartment. Daughter whined and cried about situation, I was sympathetic at first. Then, “Oh! We don’t have money for this, we don’t have money for that.” I told them to take hike. He decided to move, back home, a southern state thousands of miles away. Daughter cries, whines, sulks, pouts, depressed etc. Finally, we pay her U-haul to go to him to join kids, ex-wife(that’s another story), 19 year old girlfriend.
Things not going well, because ex-wife has now moved in, so yeah, him and 3women. Gross! She calls me one day hinting she wants to move back home, meaning I foot the bill again. I told her no, she is 47 flipping years old! I told her bank was closed and she can not live with us! She was pissed! Told me that my Tough Love standards were mean and uncaring! That was 5 months ago. She has blocked me on every social media we were connected, changed her phone number and told me to basically no longer call her a daughter!
There is a ton I am leaving out, just telling basics. She has accused me of Tough Love for last 20 years. Thrown out every time I don’t do what she wants. I have NEVER received a dime in repayment since she was 18. There have been cars, used nothing fancy, but ran! I have paid her rent at least a dozen times. More groceries trips etc. for years. I am done! I am retired, with severe arthritis, limited income and I am tired by her stress in my life.
AITAH for no longer taking care of my daughter, who is capable of taking care of herself?
Heart Broken Mother | NTA, it's time for daughter to grow up and become an adult. You have been enabling all these bad decisions by giving her money and by letting her stay at your place. She's 47, she should be able to handle her own life... |
AITAH for cutting ties with my grandmother who “loved me the most”? | Hi all,
Lately I feel strange, and started questioning my point of view, so I would really use some other people’s perspective here.
A bit of a back story together with the last thing happened.
When I was three years old, I lived with my parents and paternal grandparents. After my parents divorced, I moved with my mother to another city. My mother was young and not perfect, but she did her best.
Meanwhile, my father eventually started living with his new wife, who he had an affair with while still married to my mother. After several years, he forced me to live with them, and during that time, I was very unhappy. I faced constant abuse and neglect, and my grandparents never stepped in to help.
As I grew older, I finally escaped that environment and returned to my mother. During that time, I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts, but I eventually overcame these challenges. I graduated from law school, built a life with my partner, and had children.
Now to the event where I may become an a-hole.
After my grandfather passed away, I visited my grandmother, who always claimed I was her favorite. However, during one particular topic about politics with my father (she wasn’t part of it), she demanded that certain topics not be discussed. I explained I wasn’t trying to convince her of anything, but simply discussing things with my father. She responded by yelling at me, calling me names and pointing my grandpa is turning into his grave because of my talking in his house, and accusing me of being unloved and unwanted all my life, and that I was miserable, all in front of my young children. She even said that I was nobody without a male in my life.
This wasn’t the first time she treated me this way. Over the years, she often made similar remarks, reminding me that she was the one who took care of me when no one else did and that I should be grateful. She often said that I should just accept her views and remain silent, given that she “loved” me during my earliest years.
Eventually, after the argument, she said “Go out of my house” and while I was trying to talk with her calmly because of my kids are there, she just wouldn’t stop with her tone and a lot of bad words. Pointing my biggest trauma as she wanted me to explode. Thanks to the therapy she didn’t succeeded. I left right away with kids and most of the stuff, as I was trying my best to keep them away from drama. My father supported me, first time in his life. She didn’t stop. She started coming to my dad’s house with letters, she returned all the gifts I had given her and continued to cause conflict, which led me to finally cut ties with her and telling her I am done with her for life.
Now, some family members think I’m in the wrong for cutting off contact because of her age and believe I should forgive her. She even told my half-brother that I was ignoring her calls for months, which wasn’t true (she never called), and said that I shouldn’t attend her funeral once the time comes.
Her side of the extended family is thinking I am ungrateful and mean.
So, the question remains: Am I in the wrong for cutting all contact with my grandmother given everything she said and did over the years?
Thank you all! | NTA age doesn't give you a pass to treat people like crap |
I'm AITAH for not wanting to let my roommate leave my pan soaking? | Hi everyone,
I live in a shared house. A new girl moved in, and on her first day I told her she could use my pans until she buys her own.
I usually leave my pan soaking because I cook a lot of chicken, creamy dishes, and fried stuff, and soaking makes it easier to clean (also… a little laziness on my part).
She’s been here for about 3 days. Every time she wants to use the pan, she takes it out of the soaking water, washes it, uses it, and then puts it back to soak.
But here’s the thing: she’s basically only using the pan to cook eggs. Just eggs. It’s a frying pan.
What’s bothering me is… why soak eggs? It literally takes like 30 seconds to wash the pan. Is this laziness, or does she think that because I leave my pan soaking, she should do the same?
Am I the asshole here? | She's returning it to the state in which she found it; she's being thoughtful and considerate.
YOU, on the other hand, are pissy that she didn't clean up your pan more than you could be bothered to do yourself?
YOU are the lazy one. YTA. |
AITAH for being jealous of my 5 year old cousin? | this feels so stupid to write but i feel myself getting increasingly more frustrated with my cousin.
For context, me (17F) and my cousin (5F) live right next to eachother and shes able to come into my home via the basement.
Shes a good kid but i feel like everyone spoils her too much and shes allowed to have whatever she wants and everything. My own mother bought her a 1.2K gold bracelet for no reason other than “just because” whereas i had to give up 2 birthday presents in order to have a PC in my room (im very grateful for it but in comparison it feels stupid now). I also get more and more annoyed by her considering shes with us DAILY as her own mother always immediately makes her come over as soon as someone is awake.
My mother even randomly booked a whole vacation for her even though my sister has been begging for months to go on a vacation.
I can see myself getting hostile towards my cousin and i feel bad about it but it annoys me so much.
What do I do about this? | [removed] |
AITAH for telling my husband to confront his parents. | Every year my family hosts a clay pigeon shoot. It’s been a tradition since before I was born. Relatives from all across states come in, along with friends life has pushed us in different directions. It’s a big deal. Saturday was the gun shoot. My husband (42m) and son (17m) love this day. My husband got up early to go get more shells; spending $70. Excited was an understatement.
But then something happened. My husbands mood shifted. We got to my parents and he just stayed away. Not visiting, not laughing, just being alone. He was sad. I asked him what was wrong and he said he didn’t sleep well. I knew it was cover and didn’t want to cause a scene, so I waited. I let him find his corner away from everyone and watched the sadness consume him and the shells go unused.
Later, I pressed harder. He showed me his father’s and subsequently the one from his mother’s too. They BOTH wished him a Happy Birthday on the wrong day. His birthday was two days after. Once is an accident, more than once is a habit. This is definitely habit.
For context, we have been married for 20 years, his parents are divorced since he was in grade school. His dad has only called him on the right day a handful of times; less than 7 times. His mom does way better and has only missed the correct day a handful times. It is not my intent to start an argument, however I want them to understand how much this is affecting him. At the end of the day, he is still a son who wants to feel important to his dad and mom. At the very least, important enough to remember the correct day. My husband says that it’s not worth it and he risks losing any relationship that he has withd his parents. He claims a terrible relationship is better than no relationship.
Edit to add:
For his dad, this a long list of other disappointments. He has promised to take our children on vacations that has never happened; including taking all other grandkids to a tropical island and excluding ours, cancelled other trips to come visit (we live states away) without telling us and after we took time off work for the sole purpose of visiting with them. However, he is very active in the lives of his other children and grandchildren. | Very soft YTA. Confrontation won't change his pain. And he's not ready to go no contact. So, pushing him into a confrontation won't help him.
It may be what you would do or what would make you feel better but this is about him. The best thing for you to do is to help him get to the point where he realizes that a toxic relationship is ongoing pain whereas ending a relationship can lead to growth. |
WIBTAH if I reached out to an ex boyfriend’s recent ex to see why the relationship ended? | Going through some therapy and morbidly want to know if indeed my only ex boyfriend’s recent relationship ended because of him or his ex? I know this women’s socials because of a friend and thinking of reaching out. WIBTAH if I did that? I’m doing some intense therapy and am just wanting to know if I’m right (he’s an asshole and was with her too) or if any of my childhood trauma etc things I haven’t worked through had anything to do with us breaking up.
I’m married and don’t want to reach out to my ex out of respect for my husband and because I don’t think id get the full truth from him.
It’s so weird, I know, but I think it would oddly help me to know if I had anything to do with it and if I did I’m not going to ask my ex I’m just going to try to dig a bit deeper in therapy. Basically, if I come to the conclusion I made some major mistakes I want to fix any of those tendencies right away so they don’t impact my marriage because I’m wanting to not fuck this up.
The ex of my ex boyfriend seems like a sweet girl from what I gather and I think she’s a model part time so I’m like 95% sure it’s my ex boyfriends fault their relationship ended.
Tl;dr WIBTAH if I contacted my ex boyfriends most recent ex girlfriend as to why their relationship ended to make sure I’m not crazy and my relationship likely ended because of reasons that I couldn’t control? | YWBTA-of course you would be the asshole. The reason their relationship ended is literally none of your business.
Ask your therapist if this would be a good idea. If they say yes, find a new therapist.
You are married, move on with your life. |
AITAH for cursing at my new neighbors for having party's and making too much noise? | I live in a appartment building with very poor insulation so you can hear every footstep and voices of the neighbors.
So this is already the 4th time this Happens in 2 weeks. My new neighbors (young couple) move in to our apartment building about 3 weeks ago and they like to party...
I knocked on their door one time to ask if they could keep the volume down because it was on a Monday around 1 am. After that they were silent at around 2pm. I shrugged it off as he said it was his birthday.
A few other times I could hear them during the weekend but it's the weekend. I heard my other neighbors knocking on their door and ask if they could be silent.
Now the 4th time they were having a party (Sunday evening 11 pm) I heard them standing on their balcony with friends. So I shouted to keep the volume down. They started laughing at me so I kinda lost it and cursed at them a few words and angerly told them again to keep it down. At around 12pm it was silent.
Am I the ass hole for cursing? I feel kind of ashamed as I never do this... | Nta, especially if you arent the only one asking them to pipe down. You asked several times. They may be young but if they can have their own place, they can also have manners. To laugh at you while knowingly being dicks? No. Apartment living means being EXTRA considerate of your neighbors. If they keep up report them to whoever. |
AITAH for reporting my manager to hr? | Ok, so this is a weird story because I truly do not know what happened. I started at my job little over a year ago and I really got along with everybody, especially my manager. When I say we got along, I mean I seriously thought we could all be friends outside of work, get along. About 6 months ago my manager sat me down and told me that she loved working with me and asked if I would become her assistant. I immediately said yes because I thought we got along great and I didn't mind taking on more responsibilities. Looking back I should have known something wad off because she showed me a couple things on the computer and how to order as "training" but that was it. So everyday I came in trying to accomplish everything that needed to be done for that day. When she wasn't there she would leave me a note asking me to do specific things, that I would try to make sure got done. During this time, she would often tell me I was doing a good job and how much she appreciated me making sure certain things were accomplished. So six months passed and she said that it was time to do our six month review. So we went to the office and sat down with the GM, where she proceeded to tell me I wasn't doing my job and was not fulfilling my position. I was flabbergasted. I had no idea she thought I wasn't doing what I needed to be doing. Everyday I went to work, I worked my tail end off trying to make sure everything as accomplished, even going so far as to not take a break or staying late to get things done. They said that they were willing to work with me on what I needed to learn in order to fulfill my position and to think about what I needed from them to get on track and that we would talk more in a month, but until then I was to work with my manager to figure out my shortcomings. I asked if they could give me an example of me not doing my job but both just said that I wasn't fulfilling the position. Obviously, I was angry after that meeting because up until then I thought I was doing a good job because I had heard from both of them that they thought I was doing a good job. I had the next two days off, so I thought a lot about it and what I could be doing that wasing fulfilling my position. Even talked to a couple of people in my life, I knew would be somewhat impartial. One said I should try to ve calm and see what the plan my manager had in store for "helping me" to get to the level they needed. The other said she felt like something sketchy was going on and I should contact hr immediately to contest the review. I decided to follow the first advice and see what the plan would be. I had always gotten along with her and never had any problems before this, so I expected her to sit down with me and go over the duties, what she wanted done when and what I was lacking on. Except thar never happened. For thr next two weeks, everything I did (even simple tasks) were considered wrong and she would make me redo them multiple times.
It was annoying but I put up with it, until Friday two weeks later. I ended up calling in because I was super sick (like fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking sick). I felt really bad about calling in but I really didn't feel good. When I woke back up I noticed that she had texted me multiple times, pretty nasty messages about all the work she had to do because I wasn't there and how she had to even redo my work from the day before. Things like that, in total 10 messages for 4 hours. So the only message I responded to was the one where she asked a legitimate question.
Well I was not scheduled on Saturday because I had a family event to go to, which I had told her multiple times I would not be available during. She blew up my phone with nasty messages about me not coming in to make up for missing on friday, and the amount of time and work I was costing her. I ignored all of those messages because they were in my opinion completely unprofessional.
I was scheduled on Sunday and I went in at my normal time and looked around for the notes she normally leaves to make sure she didn't need me to do anything special. Now a bit of context, in the past she had told me under no circumstances should I order on Sunday because it would mess up the weekly food budget. She would let me know, if she really needed anything ordered on a Sunday. Knowing this, I went looking for any not3s or lists that might indicate she needed me to do anything and there was nothing. So I did not order.
Come the next morning I walk in at my normal time and immediately she is screaming at me because I didn't order on Sunday. She is screaming at me infront of my coworkers and a customer. Which I think is inexcusable. I took a deep breath and told that I didn't realize she wanted me to order since she had told me before not to order on Sundays. That set her off and she started screaming at me again. At that point I walked off and texted my boyfriend asking what he thought I should do, to which he said to talk to the gm. So that is what I did. The gm told me to take the day to calm down and he would set up a meeting between all three of us for the next morning at 9am to talk through all of this. So I went home, and wrote down everything I wanted to say (mostly so I didn't say something stupid) and went in the next morning at 9am.
I sat down with the gm in his office and he called my manager to come to his office. I knew immediately this was going to end sideways, because she stormed into the office said " I don't have time for this shit, you have 2 min". So the gm immediately goes to bring this to a more professional level and I go to talk about what my problem was and she immediately talks over me calling me a liar and even accusing me of things I had no idea about. (Found out later, they were things that SHE did when I wasn't there). I told her to hold up and let me speak. To which she replied that she was fed up with this bullshit and stormed out of the meeting.
It was at that point I decided to file an hr complaint against her. AITAH for filing the complaint? | NTA. Start looking for a new job. HR is there to protect the company not you. You are a replaceable "resource". |
Am I the AITAH for listening to my friend? | So a friend told me to send his sister a gif that he knew would make her super sad,
And he kept yelling at me to do it,
Well I asked if she wanted to see it
And now he’s blaming me
And it’s the same for his sister,
I won’t be saying anything about them because I don’t wanna dox anyone,
Btw I told her to check the gc if she didn’t believe he told me to send it, she blames me
And now he’s calling me a jerk for actually listening
Even though I’m scared to stand up to him
Because any time I tell him no he threatens to ban me from the server,
Did I mess up?
Btw the gif was really messed up,
Idk why he told me to send it to her.
Something I forgot to mention: he told me to send it several times
Multiple times after I said no.
So eventually I gave up | YTA and your friend. You can say no and stick to it. I have a feeling his threats were empty and just a scare tactic. Why are you still friends with him when he’s threatening you and being horrible? |
AITAH ? I’m too insecure to let a good guy get close to me | I’m a 26 year old female who’s been talking with a guy. He’s been trying to pursue a relationship with me for a couple months. He’s a very sweet and caring guy. I keep rejecting him because I fear he will find me boring/lame and leave me. This guy has a HUGE group of friends, he has lots of cousins he’s close with. He’s a very outgoing/social guy with a whole pack of people. He’s always at a social event/travelling.
I’m the total opposite, I have ZERO friends. All I have is me. I spend my Friday nights alone like a loser in my room. Every time he asks me where I’m at or who I’m hanging out with, I literally lie. It’s reached a point, where I’ve ghosted him out of fear/embarrassment. I feel horrible for ghosting him….. I just don’t want to deal with the pain of being left. He keeps coming back after I rejected him countless times. I don’t know what to do …. I don’t know what he saw in me, I’m such a loser | I think you've set yourself up for failure here. Lies always catch up to you. I think you need to let this guy go and work on yourself for a bit. Get some therapy to deal with your insecurity and try some new activities. Think of things you like to do, hobbies, join a group or two. NTA |
AITAH for not wanting to invite a friend to attend her dream concert | I've had a group of four friends (including me) that have done EVERYTHING together since sophomore year of high school. Near the end of sophomore year, one of our friends got a boyfriend and started ignoring us and pushing us away. After a long time of us trying to keep her around, we kind of gave up on her and became a trio. The three of us hung out a ton and got super close. We stopped inviting her out with us because when we did, she would be at her boyfriend's and had told us before that when she was there, she was unavailable.
The only times when she wanted to be around us was when she needed things from us (schoolwork, rides etc.) and we started to sort of resent her. She also has had issues with paying back money that she owes and other things like that that have just built up and started to irk all of us.
Two years later we're seniors (all 18) and her and her boyfriend are having issues. She starts to realize how close the three of us have gotten and starts getting mad. One night we're all hanging out, including her, and under the influence of the night (if you're getting my drift) everything starts to flow.
She tells us that over the summer, when we were hanging out without her, she was suicidal and that she had a date picked out. She started out her whole thing by saying she "Wasn't trying to guilt trip us" but we felt very guilty.
Since then, we've been trying to invite her out and involve her but she has changed a lot and we can't stand her. She expects everything to be done for her and is so blunt and rude. It takes so much effort to be her friend but its not a gratifying friendship on our end.
As of right now, we are making plans to go to a concert in Canada in October. We don't know what to do because seeing Bruno Mars is on her bucket list but we are planning on driving up and spending the night there. Having had sleepovers with her and having been on long drives with her, we know that this would be a miserable time. She mentioned the concert to us and we sort of talked about going but me and the other two friends just don't want to go with her. We all sort of feel that having her there would ruin the experience.
We don't know what the get around is here because her and her boyfriend recently broke up so she doesn't have a support system. Basically, we feel that it's not a good time for us to have a conversation about ending the friendship because we don't want her to be alone but we just don’t like her. Would we be assholes if we did invite her? | I get that you don’t want to leave her hanging, but if it’s gonna be a bad time for everyone, then it’s okay to not want her there. It’s your experience too. |
AITAH for not getting my colleague a gift on her birthday? | I 35f work in a small office and birthdays are kind of a thing here and it’s quite special to me too with how I grew up and all.
I usually make the effort to get everyone something small a card coffee mug snacks nothing big but thoughtful every year since I’ve been working here not to start anything but a tradition I followed and believed in as a person.
I have done this for years including for my colleague 38f which this is her birthday and all about her as well.
To begin with and honestly I’ll say it straight that since I started working with her, She has never gotten me anything for a birthday or any holidays as a colleague or kind gesture. Not once. No card, no text, no coffee nothing.
At first I did not think much of it because it’s not much of a big deal since maybe it might not be her thing or way of life and yes, I know people are different and I am not a scorekeeper but a human after all so I get to think about things.
And after five years it started to feel one sided
Especially since she makes a big deal about her birthday every year and openly expects gifts from people around her or get to announce it’s her birthday whenever it is in the office so it’s too obvious and not thoughtful to not gift such a person to at least put a smile on her face.
But this year I decided to stop. Not in a dramatic way. I just treated her birthday like any other workday. I said happy birthday and went on with my tasks. She noticed immediately because I could sense the energy.
By lunchtime she was quiet and clearly upset
Later another coworker asked me why I did not get her anything and said she was hurt since I usually is one of the people that has gifted her in the recent years which i never knew people around us or other colleagues noticed.
I explained that I had always been the only one giving and I just did not want to anymore
Now the atmosphere is awkward
She barely speaks to me and I can tell some coworkers think I was being petty
I do not feel like I was punishing her
I just stopped doing something that was never reciprocated just for once!
I am honestly torn and part of me feels guilty because I know birthdays matter to her
Another part of me feels relieved for clearly defining the situation so she see for herself.
Did I do anything wrong for not getting my colleague a gift on her birthday this year? | NTAH. It reads less like pettiness and more like quietly resetting a dynamic that had become one sided, which can feel uncomfortable but isn’t inherently unkind. |
AITAH for putting locks on cabinets and drawers in my shared apartment | I (21f) have three roommates (21m, 20f, and 19f) lets say their (fake) names are Jeff(M) Izzy(f20) Luz(19f).
To preface I am friends with Luz and we share drawers/cabinets in the kitchen. Luz and Izzy also have their own private rooms while me and Jeff share a room.
Here’s my issue. Izzy and Jeff are always messing with my things and I never know who exactly does what but I’m at my last nerve. We all have our own utensils, pots/pans, plates,etc..
in the beginning of our lease I told everyone that I don’t like sharing kitchen utensils or anything and they agreed to not touch my things (they continue to share among eachother, whatever, idc who they share with just don’t touch my stuff because I’ve had bad roommate experiences sharing up to now and misusing my things)
But these two roommates keep using my things on multiple occasions, I’ve told these two atleast 4 times to stop touching my things and they continue. I’ll find my utensils/dishes in the sink or dishwasher (I don’t use dishwashers) after not having been used by me. (Obvi)!!!
It especially has been pissing me off because I left for thanksgiving break in November and when I came back Jeff had used my pots and pans because they were in the sink and he was the only one home. This time for Christmas break, I hid my pots and pans to avoid this(which was difficult since we share a room) And come to find out from Luz… he is using my dishes and silverware again!!
She recently had kept asking if I was home because she kept seeing my dishes in the sink and I’m tired of it!! I feel like I can’t text the roommate group chat because I’m not there right now and they’ll know Luz snitched on them but oh my god!! How hard is it not to touch my things!
I’m getting a lock to put on my drawer and cabinets. Another issue I’ve had is when I (or Luz) put in a load of laundry, Izzy will take it out mid-spin and place our wet clothes on TOP of the dryer and put in her own laundry to wash. You’d think if you have enough balls to move someone’s laundry you could atleast move it into the dryer… Jesus. What do I even do/ AITAH | Youre not wrong. You tried talking it out and they didnt care so now its consequences. Locks are a normal response here not dramatic. |
AITAH for becoming upset when my boyfriend went out during my miscarriage? | I (30f) am upset with my boyfriend (36m) because I am actively miscarrying and he decided to go out after playing sports tonight. Originally he told me he was coming right home after his sports game. When he messaged me to tell me that plans changed and he wouldn't be home right away, I became very upset.
This was our first pregnancy and it has been hell finding out it's a miscarriage. I should add that I'm not experiencing extreme symptoms currently physically, but emotionally it has been extremely rough.
He has been very supportive, accompanying me to all my appointments and really hasn't gone out much lately. I know he needs his fun. Admittedly I am extremely irritable, depressed and miserable, mostly just laying around watching movies and I'm not really fun to be around. I'm just sad because I don't know what's going to be happening to my body and I'm particularly sensitive especially when he gets to have fun and I'm not the priority tonight.
With tomorrow being Monday, we're not gonna be spending much time together due to his work (I'll be off work), and then he has two more sports games this week and then he's going away for the weekend for fun and away for work the following week. Meanwhile I'll be here laying around in misery. | Uh… why is he okay with leaving you completely alone through this? |
Update - AITAH for uninviting my dad's wife from my daughter's birthday party over something she did last year? | So, I have a love/hate relationship with being right. My dad called me two days after I posted. There’s a purple wig at his place that is styled suspiciously similar to Rumi from Kpop Demon Hunters. He opened Cathy’s mail thinking it was his and found it. The costume itself is set to arrive in about a week. She wasn’t planning on telling him about either.
He’s claiming they fought, because neither the costume nor the wig were cheap, but he also felt the need to tell me she’d been watching the movie repeatedly to “study,” and that she cares so much, and that isn’t it sweet how much Cathy loves my kids and maybe my daughter would like it this time. That was all I heard before I went to look for a pillow to scream into.
I’m done. This made me a lot angrier than it should have, but it isn’t the first time someone in my family decides my plans and the effort I put in don’t mean shit. And if I can’t even plan my own child’s birthday party without someone trying to butt in, I don’t have to feel bad about drawing the line.
Cathy is officially banned from the party. My husband and I have alerted the venue that we didn’t hire any character performers, and if any caucasian-looking Korean pop star shows up they must tell her to go home. We also gave them a picture of her. They basically told us they can’t let anyone who’s not on the guest list inside anyway, so she won't be allowed. I feel horrible about making them deal with my family drama, but at least that’s one less thing to worry about.
My dad and I did fight about this, but I put my foot down. He kept arguing that it wouldn’t be a big deal if I “just let Cathy have this.” I told him that’s not the point. If he’s not the one who’s going to have to manage the situation, he doesn’t get to tell me how hard it is to do it.
In the end, this is what we settled on: my dad can come to the birthday party as long as Cathy doesn’t tag along. If she does, they’re both out. Both of them can still join us for dinner later.
I’m also thinking about lowering my contact with both my dad and Cathy. I love my dad, but no headache is worth this. I want to wait until I’m calmer to work out the details.
I want to thank everyone. I’ve got a lot going on in my life and my therapist is on vacation, so it feels good to rant about this. But for my own sanity, I’m going to focus on relaxing for the next couple of weeks. I already feel much lighter knowing this is over. | The dad trying to frame her studying a movie to hijack a toddler's party as sweet instead of unhinged is some world-class enabling |
AITAH for threatening not to invite my dad to my wedding? | I, 27M, met my fiance, 35M, whom I'll call Bill, four years ago. I had dropped out of college due to some serious mental health struggles, and was basically couch surfing and begging my parents for help, as I couldn't keep a steady job to pay rent. I went out on a date with him honestly for free food, and he stayed the night with at the place I was rooming at. But instead of leaving the next day, he spent all day taking me around to do things like laundry, applying for assistance, and stocking up on nonperishable foods. When I asked him why he went out of his way for me, he said he just liked to help people and he could tell I needed it. He said even if he never saw me again, he'd be able to move on feeling better knowing he'd given me just a little bit of security. I fell in love right then, and I moved in with him just a few months later.
My dad (58M) has hated Bill from day one. He has a long list of complaints from Bill being too old for me (he's the same age as my sisters, BTW, and I'm older than his youngest brother), to Bill keeping me chained down with no resources (not true), to even not liking how much money Bill makes (Bill is a blue collar tradesman and makes far less than my dad although he manages to provide for two people). He doesn't care when I tell him about how Bill encouraged me to enroll in school again, and now I'm working on my masters, or how I have access to all the finances, or how Bill is always just the sweetest, most caring guy anyone could know. He just sees someone who's too old for me who has me locked up at home with no means of my own.
It doesn't bother Bill but it does bother me.
I was talking to my mom (55F) about it and she told me that the things my dad is accusing Bill of is exactly what my dad did to her, which is why they divorced when I was a toddler. When I found out I blew up on my dad and told him to stop projecting his flaws onto my partner, and that if he didn't cool off, I was going to disinvite him from our wedding this summer and essentially go no contact. I wasn't exactly quiet about it, and a lot of my family have taken sides since then.
That was last week, and since then, my dad, my uncle, one of my sisters, and my grandma, have all contacted me to say that I'm being stubborn and my dad is just looking out for me. They say i'm threatening to tear the family apart by drawing this line, and now i'm not sure. I did react in the heat of the moment after I talked to my mom, and I don't want to make waves, but my dad also won't listen without prejudging. Bill stands by me no matter what I choose to do, but I'm wondering if I did the right thing or if I might actually BTA. | I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with your dad. Say you are happy and you are in love. He either gets with the programme and shuts up or he's out because you will pick your partner over him. |
AITAH for cussing out my boyfriend for being rude to elderly people? | Okay I'm completely new here. I've never used reddit, I barely even know what a subreddit is? closest thing i know is i watched a few of KMK reaction videos. Regardless, I need help. Me and my boyfriend and two of his friends are going on a trip in a few hours. Only three people are important as of now me (20) my boyfriend (19) and his friend (18m), ill give my my boyfriend the name of brad and his friend chad lol. Me and brad have been together for almost 18 months or so now and were pretty serious we own a house, cars, and have five cats and a two dogs which all we got together, and I'm slightly regretting everything.
We are renting a place and going to see a nice artist in a few hours so Me, brad and chad decided to go shopping for the trip as-well as for the stay there. As were in the soup grocery aisle there are lots people shopping and its very crowded and i'm honestly taking my time picking out the most cheapest and tastiest munchies for me and brad sadly were frickin broke. At one point a lady with a cart wanted to get through so i touched my boyfriend should and lead him in so he knew about the lady be hide him, his friend doesn't move and he sees whats going on and the lady goes around him and behind us and both decide to snickers things chad start with calling them the n word and old A's and brad decides to chime in later when another elderly person squeezes by and I AM FLABBERGASTED. Brad has always done things and gets easily influenced to do things for his bromantic friends but this was alot. I eventually said i would leave without them and they said things like " nah those people dont get to talk to us like that"? they never said anything to my knowledge. We quickly left after that, later on we were driving to the gas station and there was a man on the side of the road riding a bike. Now its night time but we have are brights on so he is clearly visible regardless brad decided to honk at him and go on about he needs to expect that since he's riding on the side of the road and he honks at things that are a danger to the road. i got on him about it at the gas station because he laughed he did that for pure rage and amusement. The guy wasn't near us nor was it an actual issue and he said i was annoying and dramatic and causing issues for nothing i got out slammed the door and payed for gas just like i did groceries and sat in silence on the way home. I took a nap and woke up and called for him, i gave him a hug and a kiss and asked for him to stop doing those things i think its very mean and he told me i need to stop I'm being annoying and no one actually cares about those things and people just ignore and i need to as-well? Regardless of the tacky sorry excuse but ive talked with him about calling be annoying I take it as an insult rather then describing someone. I know everything he was saying was purely to shut me up and i finally cracked. i screamed and screamed and he begged to me to stop i did now im in the bed typing this while he's ignored me for hours on the game. He keeps talking with his friend in the other room on the headsets and calling me names and I'm so stressed and confused AITAH? | Respect, how someone treats others should not be ignored. For one day you will be the recipient of that disrespect:;: |
Aitah for telling my best friend I might go to nyc without him | I need your help to know if I I’m ah, so I (f20) and my best friend (m20) have planned on going to nyc together since we were probably 16 it’s both of our dream place to visit, the issue is he is currently in university and we planned to go in 2029. I have already started my travelling and have met some people in a European country and a few of them intend on going and doing a meet up in nyc either later this year or next year. I want to go, nyc is my dream place to visit and I don’t really want to wait another 3.5 years to go. I’ll admit when I told him at the end of it I said “I will be going idc” and I apologised for saying that I don’t care because I do, ideally I want to go with him first but I have an opportunity now and I don’t want to miss it just because it’ll hurt his feelings. Aitah? | NTA. Waiting till 2029 for NYC is kinda wild tbh. I get the sentimental “we planned this forever” part, but opportunities don’t always line up perfectly. You can go more than once. People act like cities are a one-time-only experience and that’s just not true. The “idc” comment wasn’t great, yeah, but you already acknowledged that. He’s allowed to be sad, but you’re allowed to live your life. |
AITAH for giving my BF 6 months to change? | My boyfriend (32M) and I (30F) have been together for 5 years this April. Over the years I have changed jobs several times and got a promotion at work. However, my boyfriend has had the same job with a manager he hates and feels creatively stifled (he’s a graphic designer). In May I will graduate and start working on my new career path.
Earlier today, I told him that we can’t have the life we dream about if he stays in the same job because it requires more money. And he has to put in the work to change his life into something that makes him happy. He didn’t really say anything. For years I have encouraged him to build his portfolio and offered to do homework in his art studio with him as support, but he declined.
I feel like you should make changes to anything within your power if it doesn’t suit you. I don’t like the fact that he’s complaining about his job and social life without making an effort to change things. He doesn’t need to be perfect, but I’d like him to put in some effort to make things better so I don’t feel alone in crafting the life we want.
AITA for giving him 6 months to make a change? | If it’s been 5 years, it seems like he has the life he wants: spinning his wheels complaining about where he is. Did you ask him about his dreams? And where yours & his intersect? And how you’ll work as a team to get there? |
AITAH for not being ok with my girlfriend making a life size Anakin doll when we got back together. | It's not as long a story as it should be.
Me (21) and my long distance gf (20) had been two years together when I went through a really bad phase in life after something happened and asked for a break until I got it back together.
She accepted but still treated me the same and kept "conforting" me but I could tell she was just trying to check the territory and that we hadn't broken up so I ended up partly ghosting her and we eventually got into a big fight where I said some shitty things but never acc broke up.
Me and her had only really seen each other twice the last year together over holidays as she lives in another continent and I'm usually the one who flies over.
After I got my shit back together around six months later I left her a long text mostly apologizing for the ghosting and asking for another chance.
She left me on read but ended up forgiving me and we got back together, so I went to see her for the Christmas holidays... She acted shifty when I told her that, probably because i told her only a week in advance (I'd rather meet her in the holidays even if it was a bit rushed) Which was weird but eh.
When I got to her house I saw a mannequin with a paper bag with a smiley face. She got nervous at it but said she was just trying to start making clothes which I believed since she's always been the artsy kind since we met, though it weirded me out it was a male mannequin. But eh.
One of the nights she'd gone to buy something and I stayed in as I wasn't feeling too good. Then as I was looking for a blanket she usually had in a chair in that room I decided to lift the paper bag.
I almost had a stroke if I'm being honest and I hit it and I fucked up an ear.
When she got back she wasn't pleased and we ended up in an argument which I made worse by asking if it was a sex doll (I'm stupid) and ended up sleeping on the couch.
Next day it was calmer but I wasn't too happy with the thought. My girlfriend with a life size mannequin and a worryingly well done clay face of Anakin stuck on it.
So I ended up telling her I wasn't confortable, but she insisted it was just a project. I went on and she ended up getting angry and saying "It was my fault for ghosting her for six months." so I have suspicions she's done things with it, though I can't really know. She's told me she wouldn't because she'd "Fuck up the clay". But why would she know that.
I don't want to break up with her, she's the love of my life and I don't even know why she'd date me (I'm not really attractive) but I don't know what to do.
I'm away from her again and I know she's not going to stop whatever she does and probably will just lie. She will not throw it out. I'm not sure if this counts as cheating. AITA? | > I'm not sure if this counts as cheating
MF'er *what*?
You think making a sculpture is cheating? |
AITAH for responding to my aunt’s “happy birthday” text telling her why I don’t come to family events anymore? | My aunt, “Margret”, always invites me to family events. Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. I haven’t gone to any even in years, and have not explicitly said why. Well, now I have. I texted her that I haven’t been coming to events because some of her siblings have said awful and racist things about me and my sister, to the point that we “shouldn’t even exist.”, and I’ve just had it with thinking I should forgive and forget if me existing is so casually tossed aside to my blood relatives. | NTA |
AITAH for being mad over the a sore loser? |
I (F20) and my Fiancé (M25) played go fish. 3 games whoever has the most amount of points get head. My fiancé tried to cheat and add extra points to his board at the end of the 3 rounds and I found out and made him start all over. I won over all by 50-100 points. He got mad and said he didn’t agree to the deal when he did. now he doesn’t want to play games with me and he’s sitting at the other side of the bed. Am I the asshole for being mad over this but I know if he won he would have got upset if I didn’t fulfill my end of the deal. | If he needs to lose a game to give you some "head" he doesn't deserve a girlfriend. |
AITAH for saying this during last night’s Golden Globes? | I (16 F), was watching the 2026 Golden Globes ceremony with my family last night. I consider myself to have a very good and close relationship with both of my parents. My dad (52 M), works in film, so he takes film, tv, and media way too seriously. If anyone in our family talks during a movie he’ll get really mad and threaten to turn it off. Anyways, I was super well behaved last night and unloaded the dishwasher and did all my laundry. I thought we were all having a good, fun time together. After my siblings went to bed, my parents and I sat down and continued watching. My dad started getting mad because I kept saying Jacob Elordi was getting snubbed, and I was calling lots of actors my “kings” and “queens”.
After that my dad paused it and lost the connection and got really mad and said I was annoying and useless. So I told him and my mother (48 F), that I would never talk to them again. They started laughing hysterically and said I do nothing anyways. I haven’t talked to them since last night, and the drive to school with my dad in the morning was silent. I feel a little bad but have decided to ask for advice from you guys. Thanks for listening and let me know if I’m the asshole or not | YTA. He works in the industry, and clearly the Golden Globes are important to him. If you can't stay quiet during the awards show, then go do something else, you're not required to watch it with him. |
AITAH for not shutting my door? | My sister got a cat, and I freaking love it. However, when I go out of my room, and she lets her cat run around the house, like upstairs where my room is, the cat likes to go in there and run around. My sister then complains to me that I had better start shutting my door. Sometimes I shut my door, but other times I don't, or I forget. Do you think I'm the asshole for not always shutting my door?
She doesn't want the cat to go into my room because it goes under my bed which means she has to lure it out. | It's her cat. Maybe she should always check to make sure that your door is closed. |
WIBTAH for not telling my coworkers I’m transferring, and leaving them a goodbye card instead? | A new Team Lead position opened in my department. I interviewed and didn’t get it; someone else did. Before the announcement, I had already applied to the same role at another store, interviewed, and got it. I transfer in two weeks and I’m already off the schedule after that.
Out of 14 coworkers, only my manager and one friend know. I get along well with everyone and genuinely like them, but I really dislike attention, goodbyes, or any kind of farewell event. When I transferred *into* this department years ago, I basically faded out of my old one and would prefer to do the same here.
I’m considering:
* Saying nothing and leaving a handwritten card they’ll see the next day, thanking them and explaining why I didn’t say anything.
* Saying nothing at all and just being gone.
I don’t want to burn bridges or hurt anyone—I just don’t want fanfare. WIBTAH if I choose the card option, or even the silent one? | NAH. The card option is a good middle ground. It shows appreciation while respecting your own boundaries. Ghosting completely might confuse people, but the card avoids that. |
AITAH for dropping my long term friend out of no where | I decided to drop a long term friend because frankly she became so strange overtime. Like; on her way to cult leader vibes. She’s managed to accumulate cult members to worship her and is known in her community. She’s a performer on stage and pretty much every where else in her life.
One day it was just clear she had no idea who I was and didn’t respect me enough to try to understand or care. I’ve let a lot of her behavior slide but realize I was just compromising my boundaries in the end. I could have used my voice and done things differently, but sometimes you don’t realize it’s happening and it catches up to you.
I wish I could provide further context as to how her behavior contributed. To name a few; insulted my appearance, pressure me to do drugs (she turned into a demon and I almost lost it), insulted my family, ignored my voice when I used it to voice my needs, say weird racial things and insert herself into a struggle persona even though she grew up with luxury. She thinks she’s the next messiah and I’m tired of being expected to worship her.
So yeah, I texted her I don’t want to be her friend and my life since has been really nice not having her in my life. AITAH for dropping my long term friend out of no where and not really giving her specific reason as to why? | NTA - you are exercising healthy boundaries and determining the right kind of life and relationships you want to build rather than letting someone with a lot of charisma and influence dictate those things for you. Congratulations on your excellent judgement call in the face of opposition. You did what was healthy. NTAH, my dear! |
AITAH for getting upset that my bf didn’t Shut down conversation? | I [40f] and boyfriend [30 m] have been seeing each other for 1.5 years. He recently told me that his mom, dad, aunt, and uncle were all talking and they told him I was controlling. He said it was a “concern.” He mentioned that I asked him to help in the kitchen when he was talking to his uncle on the sofa, while drinking a beer. I cooked for 2 days and needed help to get the dinner started and everyone could eat on time.
When I asked him what he said when his family told him I was controlling, he stated “we are working on it.” He never stood up for me, never shut down the conversation. I feel like he should not let his family talk negatively about me when I’m not there to defend myself. I don’t feel emotionally supported. I 100% agree that it’s ok if it were at 1 on 1 conversation, but this felt different. I’m upset about it and he told me I’m overreacting and that’s just how his family is. AITAH for getting upset at my bf for not shutting down the conversation? | He doesn't have your back and he doesn't contribute unless asked.
What DOES he do? NTA |
AITAH for thinking my boyfriend was selfish in how he treated me on a trip? | Hi,
So my boyfriend and I got back from a trip with his family over the holiday. Before this trip I expressed a lot of resistance to going- mainly due to feeling a lot of stress and pressure between us and also felt like it wasnt the best time for me financially to go on a trip- and knew that 2 weeks off would mean a lot of make up work when I am back. He told me before the trip to not worry- that he would cover the entire trip financially and it would be a great time. He also insisted that he would make it up to me- (all the extra work Id need to do when Im back) and it would be a trip that mended any stress or tension weve been under as he just wanted to express how much he cared for me there.
So I let go, and went with an open heart. I was rather surprised however on him taking himself snowboarding a few times without me- leaving me in the hotel room. I guess it stung too- because he told me also before we left that he was excited to express how much he loved me through the Christmas gifts he got me- which probably totaled to near $100, while I spent near $400 on him. And I dont know if this sounds stingy as I know it really is the thought that counts- but when I think of expressing to someone how much I love them- I hope it would be at least the cost or more so the effort of what it would take for me to take myself skiing or doing something for myself for the day? He easily spent $700 on himself snowboarding and it would of been much more but I made a comment to him that I would like to spend more time with him on the trip so he took some time off towards the end for me and we walked around town.
I guess I feel funny for saying these things- and also am questioning if im the asshole as I know that there was a lot of other things that were given to me automatically for being on the trip- like the hotel, airplane and also the food at restaurants. I guess I just wish that I would of known the plan or itinerary before then, and that I would need to figure things out for myself- as snowboarding is not my thing- I did go with him for 2 hours one day- and afterwards he told me he really did not like taking me, and that it was so nice of him to do- explained to me as this- imagine if you were a pro at gymnastics and had to teach someone it on a basic level, how crappy it would be- so it seems like I was a burden to him for that time.
So since the trip, Ive tried to bring it up a few times, that I didnt feel the love that he said he was going to show me during the trip through his actions- and he always gives me a defensive reply, or an apology that makes me feel like I had too high of a standard or expectations for a trip- and that all he meant when he said that the trip was going to be good was that the change of scene, nice restaurants and not having to deal with work or anything at home should of lightened up most people- so I do end up questioning my experience.
Let me know your thoughts,
Thank you! | What he promised for the trip gave you the expectation that “This trip will prioritize us, connection, and care.”
What you got instead was:
He repeatedly chose solo activities he valued
You were left alone without a shared plan
When you did try to join him, you were later told you were a burden
The “expression of love” did not feel aligned with his words
When you voiced your hurt, you were met with defensiveness and minimization
This isn't about tallying dollars.
It’s about words not matching actions.
Covering logistics (hotel, flight, food) ≠ emotional care.
Those things are generous, yes.
But generosity does not buy immunity from accountability. |
AITAH for not replying to my [29M] GF's [24F] apology even when I was free and using my phone? | I had a confusing and frustrating interaction with my girlfriend today, and I’m wondering if I overreacted.
Earlier in the day, she made a joke that hurt my feelings a little (not a hurtful joke at all, it just happened to touch a nerve). I didn’t make a big deal out of it, but when she asked directly, I admitted that it affected me “a bit.” I also told her it was okay and that I knew she didn’t intend to hurt me. She apologized, and I thought we were fine.
This is how the conversation happened (copied as text since the sub doesn’t allow images), I've added timestamps to show that I wasn't taking a long time to reply:
**1:12 PM**
Girlfriend: What
Girlfriend: 😅😅😅😅😅
Girlfriend: Stupid
**1:13 PM**
Girlfriend: Bro, you felt bad?
**1:14 PM**
Girlfriend: I assume you didn’t
Girlfriend: I was joking
**1:14 PM**
Me: Umm
Me: Yeah
Me: A bit
**1:15 PM**
Me: It’s alright… it wasn’t your intention though
(At this point - I was working, and was busy. I saw the notification but I thought to myself "I'll reply later")
**1:30 PM**
Girlfriend: Ohhhhhh
Girlfriend: Sorryyy
Girlfriend: Darling
**1:30 PM**
*(She sends a “I’m so sorry, please forgive me” GIF)*
**1:30 PM**
Girlfriend: 😟😟😟😟
(Somewhere around this time, I went to take a dump)
**1:35 PM**
Girlfriend: *(Video call – 4 sec) - I picked and told in the washroom and cut the call*
**1:35 PM**
Me: In the washroom
**1:36 PM**
Girlfriend: So what
Girlfriend: You’ll use your phone in the washroom
**1:36 PM**
Me: Brooo
Me: I’m in the washroom
Me: Yeah
**1:36 PM**
Girlfriend: Then what’s the problem
Girlfriend: Replying
Girlfriend: It can be done
**1:36 PM**
Me: Talking from there feels weird
**1:36 PM**
Girlfriend: What about texting
**1:36 PM**
Me: 5 mins
**1:37 PM**
Me: Messaging is fine
Me: I meant for the call
**1:39 PM**
Girlfriend: Then you didn’t reply
Girlfriend: Your notifications aren’t turned off
Girlfriend: You’re using your phone (she knows I play games while taking a dump, lol)
**1:39 PM**
Me: Okay okay
Me: I thought I’d reply in a bit
**1:39 PM**
Girlfriend: And you’re free
**1:39 PM**
Me: In some time
Me: When you messaged, I wasn’t free
**1:40 PM**
*(I try to video call — no answer)*
**1:40 PM**
Girlfriend: I’m not free now
Girlfriend: Later
Girlfriend: Evening
**1:40 PM**
Me: Please don’t do this
**1:40 PM**
Girlfriend: What? I just sat down
**1:41 PM**
Girlfriend: To study
**1:41 PM**
Me: It’s okay
Me: Just 5 minutes
**1:41 PM**
Girlfriend: I don’t want to break the flow
**1:41 PM**
Me: I’ll keep it short—
**1:41 PM**
Girlfriend: No no
Girlfriend: Later
**1:41 PM**
Girlfriend: Nothing important
**1:41 PM**
Me: Please don’t be like this
Now, I get that I technically ignored her. Because I did see her message, but didn't reply immediately because I was busy. While I was taking a dump, I didn't feel like replying. I didn't even feel like saying "it's ok". AITAH for feeling this way? Should I reply immediately to such things? It wasn't even a big deal - I had already clarified that I was ok and it wasn't a big deal.
AITAH here? | You were being a sook and you were only playing games. She contacted you when she was free. You insisted she talk to you when you were over spooking but expected her to stop studying. YTA |
AITAH for asking a question??? | I seriously cannot believe I’m on Reddit asking complete strangers for advice on if I’m the asshole or not lol.
So short backstory I’m 26. My brother is 25. We have a family history of alcohol issues and both have struggled with alcoholism. I have been sober for two years. He has been sober for four months after meeting this beautiful woman that had a five month old son. I will not be stating names for privacy.
So everything was going great and I noticed a couple weeks ago that my brother has been drinking but I figured hey you know he says he’s got it under control. He’s 25 years old. I’m not his mom. I can’t babysit him.
Fast forward to today we had a surprise birthday party for our dad and he was running a bit late so I called him and ask him where he’s at and he stated to me that he was going as fast as he can to get there. I was like what do you mean he said that he was going 120 miles an hour in the dark and I told him that that wasn’t safe and he should probably slow down. I got off the phone quickly because I didn’t want to be on the phone when he was driving that fast. (the road he was on the speed limit is literally 45 because of the sharp curves that are on that road and his brakes were bad.) when he got to the house, he played with the kids for a little bit 10 minutes tops sat on the couch and then passed out. I went to give him cake and ice cream tried to wake him up. He would not wake up. I even slapped this man across the face, and he did not wake up. I had to leave shortly after to deal with my own children, upon leaving my children stated to me that he smelled strongly of alcohol and they were concerned.
I put two and two together and realized that IF he had in fact, been under the influence of alcohol and driving 125 miles an hour, that was not a safe situation. So I messaged his girlfriend and simply asked her if he had been drinking hard again and I asked her if she knew if he had been drinking tonight and that he was driving 125 miles an hour. She asked me if I had proof that he was driving that fast so I sent her a screenshot of the snap that my brother had sent me showing that he was going 125 miles an hour. This is where I’m questioning if I’m the asshole-: she basically had a whole breakdown about how he’s been lying to her, hiding stuff from her drinking randomly, and that she told him after the first time that she caught him lying about stuff one more time and she was done because of past instances with exes. Well, she confronted my brother about drinking and speeding. And he lied to her about both of them. So she told him to get his shit and get out of her house by tomorrow that she wasn’t dealing with him lying and hiding stuff from her or drinking and driving and speeding that fast because she doesn’t want her son in that type of environment.
My brother is set that I’m an asshole. I ruined his life. It’s all my fault. His life is over and at an all-time low simply because I was concerned for his safety and reached out to his girlfriend. I obviously had no knowledge of them fighting over the past couple weeks nor that this text would end in such a tragic way otherwise I wouldn’t have sent the damn thing!!!
So AITAH for texting my brothers girlfriend concerned for his safety?? | NTA. This is clearly his alcoholism talking. |
AITAH For wanting money to help for gas because my bf is using my car | I (18F) my bf (19M) have been together for almost a year and he has two siblings who are in middle school and highschool, my bf is finically unstable and doesn’t have a car so I offered to lend him my car. Because his siblings go to seperate schools it can use up a lot of my gas and he’s never offered to help or pay. His dad will give me cash sometimes but it won’t be enough. I feel like it’s a given for him to help me pay. I don’t know hot to address it because he’s also unstable finically and I want to help him. | NTA. I hope he is insured to borrow your car. |
AITAH if I tell my (23M) boyfriend who is struggling mentally, and has been distant and ignoring me (22F), that his behaviour is slowly affecting me ? | Hi!
TL;DR: My boyfriend told me that he has been going through hurdles, but also has been distant and ignoring some of my messages and it is slowly affecting me
My (23M) boyfriend of 1 year has been ignoring me (22F) for the last 2 weeks. During Christmas break, we saw each other for the first time in 3 months (we’re long distance and I’m studying abroad, but see him every 3/4 months) the entire time he was distant and seemed annoyed with me. A 2 weeks later, I had planned a date for us on Christmas day, he never confirmed even though I made sure to tell him a 2 weeks in advance, and on the day of he cancelled. It made me pretty mad, because I had bought him gifs that HE told me he wanted, and he knew that and I was planning on giving them to him on Christmas day.
After that, I sent him a message explaining why I was frustrated, I said that I felt like he was mad at me or distancing himself from me. And I explained how it made me feel. He answered by saying that he was sorry that he acted the way he did, and that he was going through hurdles that made him overthinking and therefore, act inappropriately. But he also acknowledged that that wasn’t an excuse. I said that if he needed support I was there, and that if he needs space to tell me, even if it’s just in a sentence just so I know. Because, ibf, I don’t always know how to communicate with him.
That was 2 weeks ago. I stayed for the holidays for 3 weeks in total, I saw him once, and while we were texting I was starting to feel like he was becoming more distant.
At the start of the week, because I noticed that his behaviour changed, I sent a message reassuring him, again so he know that of he needs support I’m here. Another thing is that we both love music and he had asked me to make him a playlist to go to sleep to, so I sent him the link to the playlist along with my message. I never got a response and was left on read. I assumed he would give me an answer later, but he never did.
Yesterday was my birthday, and received at love of live from my friends and family :) but I did not receive a message from him (nor a letter which is the only gift I had asked him for) and had to remind him, and received the following messages at 11pm: « Sorry, happy birthday ». As you can probably imagine I was not happy at all, and told him that he needed to be able to at least communicate in a sentence. Again never got an answer, even though he was active on online, so he definitely saw the messages but just decided not to answer.
The last message I sent him was a 7 hours ago to tell that I am aware that he is struggling mentally, and is probably going through a lot, but I would appreciate clear communication, it doesn’t mean writing an entire essay, but just clearly state in a short sentence what type of behaviour I should adopt to help him go through this. I’m yet to have an answer, and again he was on this phone today so I’m sure he saw but that might be too much for him right now. I’ve never been through what he is currently experiencing so I’m trying to be understanding but it is slowly affecting me, getting ignored by your own boyfriend is not easy.
When I try to talk to him about it he shuts down, when I try to change his mind and talk about something else he’s being distant, and when I give him so time for himself he ignores me for days. I don’t really know how to approach this, because it is clearly something he wants to go through alone, and he is probably protecting my feelings after what happened over Christmas idk 🤷♂️
I’m tempted to call him since messages are being left on read, or telling him about calling her other next week. I don’t want it to feel like I’m applying too much pressure. I just want to check up on him, and talk about it, because if not I feel like I’ll distance myself without realising. AITA and what would you do if you were me ?
Thanks for reading (that was a lot of words oops) | Girl this relationship is over and he doesn't know how to tell you. And you are ignoring all the hints and purposely done red flags! Tell. Him you enjoyed the time spent but this relationship cannot continue. For the sake of both yall mental health break it off immediately! |
AITAH for yelling at my cousin after he told me I was a failure for missing school? | I (M14) was in Art class about a week ago. I was sitting with my other friends, talking, as there was a sub, so we got to just do whatever. The topic of my cousin, S came up while we were talking. He is the same age as me, and is in my class. He can be cool, but he can also be a bit of a buzzkill sometimes.
One time, one of my friends, D, sent photos of coats, asking which one to get, then decided to just get both. S responded to this by telling D they were horrible for indulging in overconsumption, and that they only needed one coat.
Ironically, once we switched the topic, S came over, and joined us. One of my other friends, K, was talking about possibly going home, because they felt sick. S started ranting about how always staying home will destroy their life, and make them lack social skills, and they'll be a failure. Then, S turned to look at me, and turned the rant in my direction, talking about how I have the same problem, and how he has thrown up or felt bad at school and still never goes home! This pissed me off.
For context, I don't stay/go home because of boredom or headaches, I only go home for severe pain. Like, every so often, I'll get a stomach ache so bad it feels like my organs are eating each other (yes I have a doctor's appointment booked to check that out), or my head will be pounding so hard I can't focus on anything but the pain. That, and I have a lot of mental issues due to trauma from earlier grades and family life, which have largely affected how much stress I can take, before it gets to a point that I CANNOT be there. This being compared to throwing up made me VERY upset.
Anyways, back to Art class. In the middle of S's rant, I snapped. I lashed out, saying something along the lines of "It's not my damn fault I want to go home because I feel like I don't want to live anymore half the time I'm here!" and some other comments I don't remember. I was so angry I was shaking, and in the middle of my yelling, I started crying. S SOMEHOW did not get the hint, only asking "What did I do?" repeatedly, while the others told S to leave. It took K yelling at S to leave for him to actually back off. D went to S later asking him to apologise, and S responded with "For what?"
The next day, S did "apologise", but I am 99% sure it was fake, and was only said because he got in trouble with my aunt, his mom. In the apology, S claimed it was directed at K, even though he was literally looking at and addressing me directly while ranting. He also called his comments "heavy constructive criticism". What part of that is constructive? I don't know. S is autistic and sometimes struggles to understand emotions, but at this point I fail to see how this is the cause of the autism and not just pure ignorance, as I was literally crying and EVERYONE was telling him to go away. How he didn't connect the dots blows my mind.
Here's where I might be the asshole. I responded to the apology with "I don't want your fake apologies, I know you probably don't even know what you did wrong because you're so damn dense. Your autism isn't an excuse to belittle me or K like that, and I'm tired of your BS. Nobody even enjoys being around you." I feel as though I might've been too harsh with that, and S hasn't responded, nor spoken to me at school since then. My mother told me I should've told him more calmly, and not been so rude about it.
What do you guys think, AITAH? | Gentle ESH because y'all're kids.
I know your cousin hurt your feels, OP, but you know that doesn't make hurting his feelings back the right answer. And I'm sure that dealing with your cousin can be exhausting sometimes. It's okay to distance yourself from him. Talk to your parents about finding ways you won't have to be in classes and activities with him.
Remember: you're not required to take care of him or be his friend. You *are* required to treat him with respect.
I hope the doctors help you quickly and that the solution to your pains is easy. |
AITAH for wanting to cut off a friend of mine because she sleeps around? | P.S (This is my first reddit post idk how to work this) AITAH?
I, F19 have been friends with S, F19 since High-school. We were super close because we had almost every single class together and we were vice captain and captain (respectively) for the school volleyball team.For the entirety of HS, her and I were practically sisters. We would tell eachother EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING. We spoke about life, relationships, friendships, bowel movements EVERYTHING. I love S whole heartedly but she's been making some really bad decisions that upset me. Firstly, she hooks up with guys pretty frequently. Now, I'm no saint, I HATE purity culture, however, S has a tendency to catch romantic feelings for guys pretty quickly. I've warned her against it several times in our talks because we live in a pretty small town where everybody knows everybody and these guys LOVE talking negatively about women they've had sex with (hence the reason I TRY to stay farrr away from them). S on the other hand, simply doesn't care. She falls in love at first sight and sleeps with these horrible men and 9 times put of ten they end up ghosting her. As her friend who's been literally warning her against this since HIGH-SCHOOL, I feel like I'm running put of empathy. As much as I love her, I hate when people ask for advice and don't take it. I feel like an absolute asshole because I feel emotionally tuned out from the friendship. What should I do and also AITAH? | Nta... but consider this....
I was S. I was raped, years prior. 12, to be exact. It was horrible and I put it behind me and pressed on... Until I turned 17. I went absolutely into a spiral... and it sounds a lot like your friend. I didnt deal with what happened and when it started coming back to me... it was dark.
Maybe have some distance... But I can tell you this... I wouldnt be here today, if it wasn't for my best friend... She went through the ride with me... Telling me how unhealthy this was... but she loved me enough to make sure I didnt go too far...
Give her grace... She might need it |
AITAH for trying to keep the peace? | Myself (M27), my spouse (NB28), and our roommate (M/NB28) share an apartment together. I have known roommate since high school. I’ll call him Steve and my spouse I’ll call Riley.
Steve likes to smoke weed in our apartment (it’s legal where I live). Riley and I don’t smoke and don’t like the smell of smoke. I tolerate the scent of weed far better than Riley does. Steve and Riley have two kittens from the same litter. Both of them like to play with each other. Steve doesn’t let his cats out into the common area because Riley’s and my cats’ food is always accessible and he doesn’t want his cats to eat it. So, they play in his room where he smokes. Riley hates it so much that they’ve tried to tell Steve to not let their kitten in the room when Steve is smoking. They haven’t listened.
There is already tension in the apartment with the smoking and having the cat in the room is making it worse. I don’t want to prevent our kitten from seeing his brother because I feel like that’s cruel. But I also understand where Riley is coming from.
I’ve been trying to calm Riley down and prevent friction. They tend to get emotionally reactive and make bad choices.
Riley also doesn’t work and hasn’t worked much since we moved in. We’ve been here for 7 months now. Steve and I pick up the slack and that’s caused tension with Steve. Because of that I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells around both of them. Steve is non-confrontational, but I feel both embarrassed and uncomfortable because I know he’s been helping us out a lot by helping with the rent. So, I don’t really want to confront him. We tried to agree to have him smoke outside, but he hasn’t done so. He just nods to what I say and then doesn’t follow through.
Riley just wrote a note saying that the kitten is no longer allowed to see his brother. I think the phrasing is poor and a bit aggressive sounding. I’m considering erasing it. Would I be an asshole to do so? I’m just tired of the constant tension. I don’t really know what to do about it either because Steve is talking about moving out when our lease is up in June anyway.
Sorry for the long post. I felt I had a lot to explain.
| ESH but I’m hoping it’s due to ignorance rather than being unwilling to adult.
Does the lease say, “no smoking” (the vast majority do)? If so, Steve must not smoke weed in the apartment, he’s breaking the terms of the lease and could get you all evicted. Legal geographically doesn’t mean it’s allowed in the rental. If it’s allowed to smoke in the apartment, he’s being damn selfish to insist when you and Riley dislike the stench.
Secondhand smoke of any kind is harmful to cats' respiratory systems and can cause a range of symptoms and long-term health issues, including asthma and certain cancers (such as lymphoma). Marijuana (cannabis) is toxic to cats because they are far more sensitive to THC (tetrahydrocannabinol) than humans. It’s not just about the unpleasant smell, Steve is actively harming the cats’ health by smoking weed around them in an enclosed space.
What do you mean Steve’s helping with the rent? Is he paying some of your rent or buying you groceries because Riley isn’t working, or is he paying his half for a shared apartment while you are covering yourself and Riley’s expenses? Because if it’s the latter, he’s not “helping”, he’s paying his share, same as he would in any other rented apartment; Riley not working doesn’t directly affect him.
You all need to sit down and have an adult conversation. If the lease says no smoking, Steve just has to go outside, end of discussion. He *really* shouldn’t be smoking around any of the cats never-mind two other people who don’t want his secondhand smoke.
Why are you all making the food and playing situations so difficult? You and Riley don’t need to have your cat’s food constantly accessible. I have 3 who have to eat separately. One is on a prescription diet, he can’t eat the other cats’ food. I can’t leave his food out because the other 2 will eat it and he’ll starve. So, they all get fed twice daily in separate rooms. If I can manage this all by myself, I’m pretty sure the three of you could work something out. |
AITAH for wanting to be distant with my crush and return his hoodie.. | So a bit of context. I (21f) have a crush on this guy (21m). I’ve known him for years but it’s only been since August last year that we have spoken. To begin with it started with a few conversations here and there to then texting all day everyday even till now. We met up a couple times but it was only until November when we started to meet up once a week. Unfortunately this only happened at night due to the fact I work nights and he works days. So by the time I finished work he would start work. And when he finished work I would be getting my son ready for dinner and so on. In November my feelings had started which is also when we had our first kiss (he instigated this).
Now after this kiss he would tell me how he wouldn’t kiss any other girls to which I believe. Not much changed after that just a few compliments here and there and was speaking more and got more closer on an emotional level. After this going on for a couple months I decided to admit to him I have feelings for him after Christmas. To which he made a joke and then changed the subject. I then made a joke saying how he would kiss a bunch of girls at the pub (he goes their regularly after work as he’s a labour so does building, bricklayer, fitting windows and so on. And after a rugby game with his fellow teammates) on new year to which he said that he would refuse the kiss head on.
I then let him know that on new years that I was gonna message him at midnight as I was gonna be at work anyway saying happy new year to which he replies with saying good. At this time he said he don’t talk to other girls unless it’s friends and I said the same to which he also replied good with. So to me that’s something blooming and that he’s being loyal. Now a week later (3rd Jan) we both ended up getting drunk. To which he even tucked my son into bed when he woke up that night as he was round mind. (They met each other before we ended up talking) after this when I was sure he was a sleep, we ended up making out still drunk, where one thing led to another and we ended up having s\*x. To which he gave me his hoodie that night.
He stayed the night but left early hours in the morning. After he’s done nothing but been cute and lovey with me. He also admitted to me that night that he liked me back after what we had done. After a few days of this I ended up having a rough night at work and was on the phone crying to him when I had a break to which he comforted me. After that night it seemed like he had gone blunt with me. His usual jokes and responses turned into one word replies. Fast forward today. I had asked if we was okay and he said “nothing changed so we are fine” I just left it as that. A couple hours later I asked him what are we as has been bugging me. His response was “ I don’t do relationships so just friends” this had hurt as he told me he liked me, been excited for me over things, laughed with me, kissed and so on, even been loyal and got on an emotional track. All I replied with is ok and he put back the same. I then put “oh well” as not much I can do now to which he replied with “what” like me accepting that is a problem?….
So aitah for wanting to be distant with him now and wanting to return his hoodie. | I'm sorry but it sunds like he just wanted sex and now doesn't see a use in you. Return the hoodie |
AITAH for wanting my roommate/landlord to address noise levels before sending rent? | So I (M25) live with a live-in landlord/roommate (F31). There’s been an issue of noise well past 3am and it continues even if I ask multiple times. A few days ago decided I’d had enough of going to work on little-no sleep and was going to talk to her about it. Didn’t get the chance to until today because she’s had people over every night playing music again when I work all week as if I’m not there. I’d asked to talk about it weeks ago but was told she was busy and said to let me know and she didn’t.
The rent was due on Saturday, she was pressing me for the money saying oh I have debits going out tomorrow (on a Sunday) I said to her I need to talk about the noise level before I send money and then she doesn’t reply for 10hours. Then when she does instead of addressing this properly she’s says I’m disrespectful because I didn’t send the rent on time and I can’t talk about respect because of this and we all have our own problems. She then span off saying my weekly rent payments were actually in arrears(?) because it’s for the month and I don’t remember this (even though my rent was backdated when it was agreed I’d be staying full time and it was never mentioned as monthly or anything about notice) and began trying to belittle me acting as if I know nothing about how rent works and distracting from my issue. She said the rent isn’t always sent on time, I said I can ask for the noise to go down 3 times and get yessed away with no change. So why would I send money if without knowing if I’ll just be ignored? This issue has been going on for weeks so why distract over rent that was due in the last 24hrs bc if she’s gonna ignore my message to talk that’s not gonna make me send it quicker and this went on for hours over message saying that I can’t believe you’d think I’d just tell you to leave and not give the money back.
Here’s where it got complicated. A month or 2 ago, she’d asked me to do some ketamine with her and watch Netflix. I ended up in a k-hole and ended up asking her if she wanted to sleep together, she said no and I literally said fair enough and backed off. I apologised the same night and the morning after and she brushed it off. Now it’s come back up tonight when we’re talking about mutual respect for each others needs but she is gaslighting me saying she’s been very uncomfortable since (hasn’t mentioned or asked me to move out) then said yes my version of events did happen but now she’s gaslighting me by saying that immediately after I continued to ask repeatedly again after. This DID NOT happen as my memory is overall hazy on the night but I’m very clear on that moment and I did not persist. She’s now trying to rewrite the night to make it act like she couldn’t get away and keeps saying do you or don’t you remember and trying to insist that I wouldn’t stop (but didn’t actually do anything). My recollection is I got emotional after I apologised asked her for a hug and we had a deep chat. She is now acting like I kept “trying to hug her” and kept repeating asking over and over again and is talking at me like I really don’t remember anything at all (I do). I’m stupid and said I don’t remember that but if it did happen I apologise to soothe her ego. She is very narcissistic and gaslighting to most people which is why she never keeps any friends. I told her if there is any issue then it needs to be brought up not when she wants to go on the offence. If she was really threatened then why am I still in her house? (The answer to that is because it isn’t true).
I said do you want to start a clean slate or do you want my notice and she’s said “I’m not sure, the assuming I wouldn’t want to resolve the noise issue and saying you’d wait to pay after we talk has made me view things differently cause despite you saying it’s not personal I’ve taken it personally and that’s aside from the other stuff” and I’d already said can you blame me if you’ve already ignored my previous requests for peace but she’s acting like that part in particular makes me a villain and has taken no accountability.
I feel like she’s literally gaslighting me and making me feel bad for coming onto her (once when i was off my face from the drugs she was giving me and backing off as soon as she said no) and using it to deflect that I’ve asked for consideration about the most basic human needs before sending money to live here, literally just because I’ve said can you stop blasting loud bassy music in the rooms next to me whilst I’m trying to sleep even if I’ve asked 3 times. Like what do I do from here because she thinks she has the higher ground now and I don’t want her spinning this version of events to others that simply isn’t true and constantly changing. Am I the asshole for waiting days to talk to her about the noise issue because she’s had guests 4 nights in a row because I didn’t send the rent yesterday when asked (even though she didn’t answer my request to talk for 10hrs)? If there’s any advice on how to manage living with a pure narcissistic gaslighter like this I’d appreciate it too. I’m moving out asap but need to navigate this now. | TBH find another place, this is not gonna work
She feels entitled because she's the owner and it's HER house, so just go somewhere else quickly where you can finally have your quota of sleep |
AITAH for breaking up the relationship of my father? | Please excuse my grammar and vocabulary english isn't my first language. So I 16F have divorced parents 40F and 43M. My dad got into a relationship about 5 years ago lets call her Fiona 42F and she also has a child 14F who we will call Sandra. At first I really liked them. Sure there were a few rough patches and challenges in the beginning because I used to be an only child and suddenly having a little sister was for sure a change especially with a 9/10 year old. It's also important to add that for the first 2 years of their relationship they were long distance but then she and her daughter moved in with my dad. Then the problems started to arise. She always had to make everything a debate when I said anything. For example I said "I want to study xyz" then she would follow up with questions and argue why that isnt a good descision and i should do what she tells me to. Then she tried to take my phone away when i spent "too long" in the bathroom, which I didn't do because my own parents don't ever take my phone so why would she think she's so special? Anyways I started to build a good relationship with her daughter tho but I started to become more like a mother/therapist role to her because her mother wouldn't give her the time of day to listen to her struggles and didn't even teach her basix hygiene like how to wash her hair/body, which I had to then do because she was being bullied for it. Fast forward a year where I kind of distanced myself from Fiona but still remained polite and talked with her sometimes. Mind you the whole time she has lived with my dad in the country she has not shown a single effort of getting a job so my father was the "breadwinner" and he is not that well off to fully support 3,5 people (im counting myself as half cause im not there full time).
Then they moved into a bigger house and that's when shit really hit the fan. The house was bought and paid by my father and she has not paid a single dime to the morgage. That however didn't stop her from acting like the house belonged to her. She suddenly claimed pots and pans saying I am not allowed to use them because they are hers (my father bought them before she was even in our lives), or that I constantly had to explain myself why I am going somewhere like going to the bathroom or why I am in the kitchen like I am not allowed to be anywhere except my room. And since moving there I also distanced myself from Sandra, because I was tired and emotionally drained from constantly being her therapist. I am not saying she can't vent to me, but it has gotten to a point where every interaction we had had to be about her and her mental struggels, SH and suicidal thoughts, and I couldn't deal with it anymore and I even cried to my mom about it because of the pressure. And the funniest thing for me was when Fiona told Sandra that she isn't allowed to speak/spend time with me, because i vape (my parents know) and drink on parties.
That all came to a head summer break. First incident happend when I asked my father to buy more water because we're about to run out and Fiona kicked up a whole fuss about how I drink too much water and demanded to know my weight so she can calculate how much water I am supposed to drink everyday (it was in the middle of summer and i drank 2-3 liters). The second and worst incident was when i walked inside the living room because I was smoking outside and she commanded me like a dog to sit at the table. Her exact word were "Sit" while pointing to a dining chair. I admit I laughed a little because it was ridiculous and sat on the stairs. Sandra also sat at the table and I asked them what's going on because they were staring at me with quite angry faces. Then Fiona started screaming at me that I am an ungrateful brat, that I am disrespectful to her, that Sandra told her everything I had said about her (to this day I still don't know what she allegedly said), that I should not "put ugly words in her mouth" her english isn't the best. Then i interrupted her and told her quite frankly that under no circumstances is she to talk to me like that and to speak to me in a normal tone or we're done. Then she said "Or what are you going to hit me like you did your mother?" and thats when I screamed at her to shut the hell up and never put my moms name in her disgusting little mouth and told her I am done with her and this conversation and to speak to me again once she came to her senses. For context me and my mom didn't have a good relationship back then because of my ex-stepfather who was verg contrlling and yes me and my mom "hit" each other when it was more me pushing her away from me and yes this event was a little traumatic but we have moved on from then and are now best friends. And before some ask where my father was, he was at work and Fiona wasn't because like I said that woman saw my dad as a sugar daddy and never made an effort to contribute financially to the houshold and it was not an arrangement between my dad and her because my dad has asked her time and time again for her to get a job even part time but at least something.
Then Fiona decided that she wasn't done with me and started bombarding my phone with messages which I still think is so ridiculous but for simplicity sake I am going to tell yall the things that stood out most:
Me:I don't want to move around in my home feeling like I have to explain my every move.
Fiona: Well technically it's not your home. It's my home because my residency for the government is here and yours is at your mothers house.
Her:I think you are just a wounded and mentally unstable child because you smoke and drink and that's not normal for your age and I can diagnose that because when I went to Uni i took 2 semesters of psychology.
Me: I don't like it when you try to boss me around. I am 16 not a baby that needs constant supervision.
Fiona: Well your father did leave you in my care so it's my job to watch and take care of you.
Me: He didn't "leave me in your care", you're just home all the time because you're too lazy to get an actual job and the taking care of me thing is ridiculous because I entertain myself, cook for myself, clean up after myself so where exactly are you taking care of me?
Fiona: I think you just have a problem with people who are in authority.
Me: But you are literally not? How important do you see yourself that you think that you have any kind of control over me? You are together with my father and thats it. Nothing more nothing less. You have your own daughter who you are an authority figure to if you even want to talk to her other than to yell at her.
And then the most outrageous thing was that she told me to send our entire chat to my mom because Fiona wants to talk to her and she wants to "inform" my mother on how disrespectful I have been talking and acting towards her. Funny thing is that I have been sending screenshots to her all this time and been in a video call with her and then she called my father and shouted at him that she never is allowed to talk to me like that again and if fiona ever thinks that she will talk badly about her child to anyone then fiona shouldn't be scared of me hitting her, but she should be scared of my mom hitting her. W mom moment.
Since then I haven't spoken a word to either of them and had a strained relationship with my dad because he kind of took their side and told me to apologize and I always said over my dead body.
Fast forward 6 months of this and he told me that they had broken up because Fiona said I apparently threaten her and am the cause of all their relationship issues and that she wants to move out (to which i laughed out loud cause with what money girl) and so on and so forth. My dad then broke up with her and Fiona agreed. I was ecstatic upon hearing the news but I can see that my father is hurting because of the breakup.
So AITAH for not apologizing and shoving my ego to the side to please my father because I think if I did that, their relationship would've survived.
Edit: Sorry it is so long I wanted to give proper context. | NTA a hundred fold! How dare she treat you like that?
And your dad chose her over you? Why the fuck are you worried about him after he did that? There is a special place in hell for parents who choose their new partners over their kids. And your parents are both so rubbish that they’ve both done that to you at some point.
YOU are the one owed a massive apology and I wouldn’t be speaking to your dad until you get that from him. He made a despicable decision when he chose that bitch over you. |
AITAH because I stopped telling my dad that I love him? | (Fell free to correct my spelling but please be nice about it. English is my second language and spelling is my weakness)
I (f25) stopped telling my dad (m59) that I love him after I was home for the holidays. And here is why.
I was resantly diagnosed with PTSD, from being abused as a kid. This didn't happen daily and it's not like I was beaten up like in the movies. I never really had bruises but it was enough for me to develop PTSD. I didn't even relise that this wasn't normal till I was 20 because I never questioned it. I only knew the word abuse from movies and TV and I alwasy felt like that was different because I knew my das loved me even when he got violent and he only did it because he wasn't abel to regulat his anger. I always felt like it was my fault for provocing him because l didn't want to go to bed or had a meltdown. Now I know that I just behaved like a child because I was and that my dad should have relised that he needed to work out his anger differently. It took me years of therapy to relise that at all. Even though what he did was wrong and it really hurt me I tried to leave it in the past because holding on to the pain wouldn't change the past anyways and I love my dad, because he is my dad. I also have happy memories from my childhood and well I think he tried to be a good father.
Now back to the present. I was at home during the holidays. While I was talking to my mum I mentioned that I started crying in the supermarkt because a men started yelling at an employ right next to me and I got scared and that this triggert old feeling. My dad overheard this conversation and started to make fun of me because I said I was triggert. He complaint about my generation and how everything is a trigger nowadays. He basicaly made a lot of fun about the word and that said that I don't have a reason to be scared of a men yelling. What he didn't seem to notice was how hurtfull those words were to me. Out of emotion I told him that I was resently diagnosed with PTSD and being triggert is part of that and how rude it was to belittle my struggels esspecialy when he caused them. After I said that he got angry and the conversation ended because we both left the room.
Afterwards we didn't talk about what happend and he acted like this conversation never happend. I felt too vunarable to confront him and also didn't want to fight during chrismas so we just irgnored the issue. But someting in me changed, it's hard to explain but it felt wrong to go on and tell him that I love him.
What you need to know is that I usually text I love you at the end of conversations and when I talk to my mum on the phone I always tell her to tell dad hi and that I love him or to give him a hug.
Well my mum and dad noticed that I stopped doing that and at the last call with my mum she confronted me. She told me that she noticed that I don't tell her to say hi to dad anymore at all and that dad told her that I don't write Ily at the end of a conversation when I text with him anymore. She said that's it's childish of me to do that and that I should just talk to him when I'm angry and I see her point. She basically said don't be an A-hole, you know how your dad can be and stuff like that. My aunt also think that my behaviour is wrong but I'm nit sure how much my mum told her.
I know what I'm doing isn't the answer but I just feel like I can't say ily right now but I also don't want to confront my dad, so am I the A-hole because instead of confronting him and trying to talk it out I'm
"punishing" him with the silent treatment?
It's hard for me to get away from my emotions and see the situation clearly. Am I an Asshole or is this behaviour somehow reseanable?
I really don't know and I feel bad for doing what I'm doing, please be honest. | Awe is he triggered? How terrible for him! |
AITAH for storming out when my family kept talking about my hair? | Hi reddit. I'm a 33f African American. I decided to go natural when I moved in with my aunt. Sometimes my hair is crazy when I'm at home but when I'm at home I'm at home and my aunt doesn't care because again I'm at home but when I got to work my hair is nice, curly, and made up. My hair is taken care of. The issue is that whenever I come around my family, they always have something to say about my hair being a mess or not neat. I don't typically due it when I'm at home with them. Only when I go out and such. They ask me when I'm getting it cut. When I'm going to do my hair etc. They constantly make fun of it.
My dad when I 1st wake up will say he thought someone was attacking me but realized it was my hair. Over christmas, he made a video making fun of my hair. It's always about my hair. Today, I had enough. I came downstairs and my parents said something AGAIN then my brother came over and he said something then my sister in law came over and said something. When I told them enough is enough. I'm at home so I'm chilling they pressed harder and stated that they were just "asking questions." Then I told them that my hair is done when I'm at work and they need to trust me enough as an ADULT to be able to do my hair. At that point my mother gave me a look which broke me. I had enough and just went upstairs to the guest room and cried. They're making me feel bad about the whole situation, so I don't know if I'm TAH or not.
Edit/Update: I ended up leaving. I called my aunt and told her what happened. She told me what they were doing was bullying and I needed to come home, so I packed up my stuff and was leaving. My dad caught me, and I explained everything to him from the video to them making fun of my hair every time I came over. My mother came in, and they both proceeded to try and make me feel bad about the whole situation. My dad tried to downplay the entire issue and then proceeded to make fun of me stating, "Here we go again," and "Whoa is OP." When I asked my dad what I was upset about, he then said,"Because we're making fun of your hair." I told them all I wanted was an apology, and you are making me feel bad about everything. He said that I'm making me feel bad about everything (what?). I told them they were diminishing what I was feeling, and that's not okay. After a while, my mother got in my face and tried to throw my bag outside, then told me to get out. Later in the confrontation, when I brought this up, they acted like that didn't happen. I've been crying non-stop. I can't believe they would do this to me. | NTA. “Your creepy obsession with my hair is weird. Why do you think my hair is any of your business?” Or “I’m sorry you clearly feel insecure about your hair. But stop taking it out on me. It’s weird and sad.” |
AITAH for not wanting my girlfriend to drive my car | my girlfriend haven’t had a car for a few month, whenever she wants to use my car I have no problem with her using it. until yesterday when she was using my car to run errands around 6pm I get a message from her telling me she gave the neighbor a ride. I have never met this neighbor so we are not close by any means. so she is a stranger to me, however my girlfriend claims to know her but doesn’t even know her name because the only conversation they ever had was in passing. This pissed me of as this is my personal vehicle she thinks I am selfish for getting upset | My boyfriend always lets me use his truck when I need to but I never even ask to use it for anything other than coming to and from work. I don’t pick up friends/neighbors because it’s not my property. If something happened to it in my care I would be devastated and probably never drive it again. So I’m extra careful. Your gf needs to understand that she has a responsibility of taking care of it and to respect it at all times. Taking care of it more seriously than her own car. Just tell her that if she wants to use your car, stuff like that can’t happen again. What if the car ended up getting stolen because she picked up the wrong person and couldn’t fight to keep it. Understand the conditions or don’t drive it. She isn’t the wife yet, and you have full responsibility of that car. NTA |
AITAH for running away from home after my parents sided with my sister in an argument? | So, basically, about a year ago, my sister and my best friend got into an argument. I honestly don’t remember who started it or what it was about, but the two of them don’t really like each other. There was a lot of dirty looks and side-eyes, and I was stuck in the middle.
I love both my sister and my best friend, and I didn’t want them to fight because it put me in a really uncomfortable position, especially as there were lots of comments made about the other. My sister started sending me texts saying things like, “if you keep being friends with her I can’t support you”, “blood is thicker than water”, “you’re breaking our bond”, etc. I asked her multiple times why she felt this way but she was never able to actually explain it or give a legitimate answer. She never use to feel this way, and the switch up was honestly crazy.
It all got really stressful and my anxiety was getting bad after months on end of this, so I decided to get my parents involved. On Legacy Day at school, my sister and her friend were being really rude to us (laughing and pointing in front of us, giving us dirty looks, rude comments, etc.). I tried to talk to her about it but she refused to talk to me and completely ignored me. I was at my wit’s end and so upset, so I cried in the bathroom and called my mom to explain what was going on. She said we’d have a family discussion.
A couple of days passed and nothing had happened, so I asked if we could have the discussion. Everyone agreed eventually. During the discussion, I explained why I was upset, the things my sister had been doing to my best friend, and the things my best friend allegedly did - although I really didn’t see any of it, and personally, dont think she’s in the wrong. What my best friend may if have done (side-eyeing) was extremely minor compared to the things my sister did (making fun of my friend when she was performing at school band, really rude, insensitive comments, etc.) I tried to give my sister the benefit of the doubt but it got to a point where she was really crossing a line and It was really affecting both me and my best friend.
I was expecting my parents to take my side and tell my sister to stop. Instead, they got really mad because my sister revealed that, on Legacy Day, I had said “if don’t stop I’m going to the dean” - which was an empty threat; I wasn’t actually going to do it. My parents accused me of “playing victim” and “pretending I hadn’t done anything,” and it completely disregarded my perspective. Everyone was mad at me because they were saying I was trying to get my sister in trouble, which wasn’t true. I just wanted the conflict over - especially as not only were the things she was doing to my best friend were not okay but also as it was really badly affecting my mental health. I had pretty bad anxiety issues from school and this problem between my sister and best friend were making it worse.
I got really upset. My sister was laughing at me after this discussion, and acting all snarky because she knew she was in the wrong and was so happy the parents hadn’t seen that. I genuinely couldn’t believe how it had resulted, and just felt so upset and disregarded. I just wanted things to end, but instead I got in trouble. In the moment, I decided to tell everyone I was going on a walk for ‘air’, but I was just so overwhelmed that I couldn’t stand going back home. I went on a completely different track and ended up by the beach. I stayed there for hours and by the time I finally went home my parents were out in cars looking for me and were just a few more hours away from calling the police. I know this may have been and overreaction, but if I stayed in that house for any longer I genuinely don’t know what would have happened.
So, AITA for running away from home because my parents didn’t take my side in an argument with my sister? | NTA. It sounds like your family invalidates you a lot. For the future, work on your self-esteem, self-worth, and having faith in your truth and what you believe. Don't let anyone change your reality or make you change your truth. You got this. |
AITAH for telling my friend that I’m not stealing her boyfriends if they didn’t liked her back in the first place? | I (25F) am a very outgoing, energetic person. I love running, working out, lifting, and being active in general. However my biggest flaw is I’m a people pleaser.
One of my close friends, Stacy (25F) is less outspoken but genuinely a great person. We’ve been friends for about 3–4 years.
About 5months ago Stacy and I got into a massive argument I’m talking mutual friends involved and things (it was petty) but anyway she basically said that she hates being friends with me cuz everyone chooses her over me. I had a really hard time with that and tried everything. I’ve tried to help her step out of her comfort zone and make more friends and other stuff wish she says no to. This argument also kind of had me walking on eggshells around Stacy all the time.
Now, I’ve been going to the same gym for a long time. It’s basically my second home. I know most of the regulars — guys and girls — and I’m friendly with a lot of people there. I told Stacy how much I loved the gym, she decided to join my gym.
That’s when things started going downhill.
Stacy has a habit of getting intense crushes on guys, but she doesn’t really date them. She’ll like one guy a lot, then move on to another she thinks is “better.” Almost immediately after joining the gym, she started liking guys I already knew — guys I’d been friends with for months or even years. And every time she’d see one of them talking to me, she then gets upset that they’re giving me more energy than her.
Eventually, she’d confess her feelings to these guys… and every single one of them told her they didn’t feel the same way. She started blaming me for that.
Fast forward to Tyler. Tyler was introduced to me through a mutual friend group, and for the first time ever, I had a real, serious crush. We talked, got to know each other properly, and eventually started dating. He is amazing.
Ever since Tyler and I started dating, Stacy constantly comments on it. Every time we hang out, it’s: “How’s Tyler?”,“What’s Tyler doing?”,“I’m sooo jealous of you guys.”
Every. Single. Time.
Keep in mind though Tyler and Stacy do not hangout together unless in a group setting with our whole friend group. Which Tyler doesn’t really come to either since he’s got major social anxiety.
One day, I’m at home when Tyler calls me and says, “Hey… I just ran into Stacy at the supermarket, and it was kind of uncomfortable.”
That immediately felt off, because Stacy had never shown interest in Tyler directly before.
Tyler explained that she ran into him, said hi, and started standing very close to him — touching his chest, his biceps, and being very in his personal space. He felt awkward and uncomfortable, especially becauseof his anxiety. Tyler is one of the most polite people out there, even if he really doesn’t want to talk to you he will make himself uncomfortable for you, so him saying. And I quote. “I just wanted to get out of there and go home.” About a friend is put me even more over the edge.
A few days later, I was at Stacy’s house for lunch. We were making quesadillas, everything felt normal, so I casually brought it up and said,
“Oh, Tyler told me you guys ran into each other at the supermarket.”
She then admitted they talked.
Then I said,
“He said you were kind of hitting on him.”
She immediately got defensive and said,
“Excuse me? No. I would never do that. Do you seriously believe him over me?”
That’s when the conversation spiraled.
She accused me of changing since I got a boyfriend, said I’d become “one of those girls” who abandons her friends, and then suddenly said,
“You’ve always been trying to steal my boyfriends.”
I was completely confused and said,
“Stacy… You haven’t had a boyfriend.”
She responded that all the guys she liked at the gym would’ve been hers if I hadn’t “stolen them.”
That’s when I finally snapped and said:
“I’m not stealing your boyfriends if they never liked you in the first place.”
She completely lost it — yelling, crying, saying I’ve always overshadowed her and that my personality makes it impossible for her to have a chance.
I admit that was cruel of me. I did apologize. And I sat to comfort her while she cried on the floor. I feel really bad and like a terrible friend for not being able to prevent this or to have her feel like this.
While I held her she kept saying how she hated me but I was always good to her, she just hated how much people liked me. I just sat there and rubbed her back, and led her to her room where she slept.
I genuinely feel terrible for even letting get to this extent, and I don’t know how to fix it. So Aitah? | NTA. She is, though. I'm a guy and I've got a better-looking best friend and the girls always went for him. Sure, it was a knock to the ego if I liked someone but they preferred him. But you know what I never did - blamed him for it! Its not his fault and he's my friend, so why would I turn him into the cause of all my issues?
This woman IS NOT your friend. She's a person you thought was a friend, but secretly resented you and has decided to make you the dumping ground for all the perceived failures in her life. What you ultimately said to her was blunt, but it was the truth - and frankly she had no cause to complain after what she'd said to you.
Also, she was definitely hitting on Tyler - either because she likes him herself, or because she wanted ruin your relationship by getting him to cheat. Either way, she is not your friend. |
AITAH for not taking the advances of my friend? | I recently started living with my friend (M23) he has his own small house and he graciously lets me stay. He recently on another post I made was caught by me sniffing my underwear. It really made me uncomfortable and upset. But he claimed ignorance.
I let it go but this week he asked if we could go out to eat. Not just eat but a small date he said I politely declined because I’m honestly not looking for anything right now.
He responded by being cold to me the next few days and when he asked again yesterday I felt a massive sense of guilt. So I went on the date with him to a pretty relaxing enjoyable time to be honest. But I ended up getting drunk due to us sneaking a bottle of wine home and we ate a lot. I was under a lot of stress and I ended up kissing him by the end of the night due to being both equally depressed and grateful for my friendship with him and happy I have a home to live in, but I fell asleep before anything else happened. When I woke up he was watching me and helped me with my hangover. I don’t know his intentions and it feels as if it’s moving to fast for me. I feel almost scared to reject his intentions and I tried to explain only for him to rub my back and walk me through it and genuinely care. I am confused and sluggish today dealing with my hangover. Info needed…
AITAH for saying I no then doing it anyway? I don’t know what to feel… | Move out |
AITAH for moving on from my Dads passing after just over a month? | My 56M father passed away on the 25th of this past November. He had been battling cancer for a number of years and his body had finally given up. I 32M hadn't seen or spoken to my father since late 2019 shortly after my son was born.
You see my father was an alcoholic and not the drink till he passes out kind unfortunately. He was the its after 12pm so im drinking type, He would drink at work as he owned his own gardening and landscaping company. He had lost his licence several times and had 2 stints in prison due to his drunk driving. He was also the violent type, he used to beat up on my siblings and I as well as my mother on a regular basis. Mum and I would get it alot worse then the others and his beatings even caused my mother to develop epilepsy.
Dad and I were never close as I grew up but would share the odd message here and there but in 2019 he came round to see my son for the first time and he was drunk. Straight away my finance asked him to leave as she knew his violent past and given her Job as a police officer it pu her in a awkward spot. She messaged him. the next day and asked him to not come to our house drunk especially dont drive there in that state and his response was " Mind your own business, im a grown man who can make there own choices".
I made a choice that day I reached out to him and said moving forward he will no longer be welcome at our house or around our Son. I also said that an apology is needed for all the physical/mental abuse he put me through as a child as well as an apology to my partner before any kind of bridge mending could take place.
Fast forward to early 2025 and my grandmother reached out to tell me about his cancer and that it was terminal. I battled for weeks internally whether I should reach out and my now wife said what's the worst that happens if you do, he hasn't changed but atleast you tried. she was right so I reached out. just messages at first then eventually I started to visit him and it went well. in his last 6 weeks he was in hospital so I'd travel 3 hours every sunday to visit him spend the night and talk about the few good times we had as kids growing up then id drive back the next morning for work.
His final day was peaceful we discharged him from hospital and at his request we visited his local beach one last time before we returned back to his unit where he died via VAD (Voluntary Assisted Dying). All of the family present cried myself included and I felt sad for the next 2 weeks or so but now I dont feel sad anymore i dont really feel any real way about his death.
his side of the family invited me to spend Christmas with them but I declined as 1. Its a hectic time of year and the date they choose to do Christmas clashed with my wifes family
2. I knew the day would be focused around him and it was.
He never did apologise for any of his actions when I was a kid and I told him I forgave him but I think I just gave up on my feelings of resentment and am just ready to move on.
So am I the asshole? | The reality is that you moved on years ago. Visiting him was just to give yourself closure. NTA |
AITAH for talking back to my father and sparking a family fight? | Hello Reddit. I’m using a burner account because I’ve never used Reddit before and only want some advice about my small situation.
So I’m 18 y/o transgender male and I have 4 siblings (all girls). It was my one sister’s 21st birthday so our whole family ( mom, dad, four sisters, birthday girls bf, and I) went out to eat for dinner. It was ok, the food was mediocre and the conversations weren’t really flowing. There wasn’t really a problem until we all got home. As I said, I’m transgender so I’m technically born female and get a period like people who have vaginas do. When we got home I had to charge my pad because well my flow is very heavy (I change it every like 2 hrs or less and use a extra thick one) I was taking a while because I had ran out and had to steal some from my sisters. I didn’t know while I was searching for a pad, the rest of my family were waiting for me to take photos. I took about maybe 4 minutes max because I ended up getting a pad from my mom because my sisters ran out too. When I came down for photos everyone was upset at me and I don’t usually care. I’m not one of those emotion-heavy period people so I wasn’t really phased by most of the comments that were being said. However, I do not like standing for photos for too long. I’m the tallest in my family so I’m always in the back or middle surrounded by people so it’s hot or people are too close to me. My mom wanted the birthday girl in the middle sitting while my 3 sisters stood behind her and I was all the way in the back. (To clarify, I am a foot taller than my siblings and I have no idea why, they are all 4’9-5’2 and I’m about 5’10) I was ok with standing in the back because I usually do but my mother was taking a billion photos from every angle possible. I asked if she was almost done after about 5 minutes of standing there in the same position (there’s a clock in the kitchen so I was watching it very closely and kept checking the time) My mother got angry and said “do you have somewhere to be?” And my dad cut in and said “probably has to go resume shitting because we interrupted him” At this point I was overstimulated by the heat radiating off my sisters and the comment did make me mad so I snapped back “I was putting on a pad because I’m bleeding out of my vagina and unless you want to clean the gushing period blood off your floor then I think you can wait for 5 minutes.”
Everyone was in shock. My father said that’s disgusting and I shouldn’t talk like that infront of men (him and my sisters bf) and I said “I don’t care, pooping is just as normal as periods and you live with 6 people with vaginas and raised 5 kids with vaginas so I think you know what a period is.” My mother lost it on me, saying I was ruining the night by talking back and being rude to my father. She said that talking about a period like that was disgusting and I shouldn’t weaponize it. My sisters were silent and didn’t say a word. The only person that said anything was my sisters bf who said “Well you guys did assume he was pooping so he was just telling you the truth” (I don’t really talk to my sister’s bf so I don’t know why he was sticking up for me) The birthday girl finally spoke and said “Marcus (fake name for her bf) please be quiet” He looked pretty upset at that and just walked out the front door. The birthday girl went after him while my mother and father were now fuming at me. My father said he didn’t want to talk anymore and went to his room. My mother said that I ruined the whole birthday because I’m too sensitive and need to grow up.
Marcus did not come back in after that and the birthday girl went into her room and like my parents, haven’t come out yet. My 2 other sisters left because no one else besides us were there for a good 20 minutes. (I’m sorry if you’re getting confused with my sisters because I have 4 in this story but I didn’t want to give them all names and forget/ mix them up. They all ended up leaving after the fight anyways) Now I’m in my room writing this because I don’t think I’m an asshole but the birthday girl texted me saying “thanks for ruining my birthday and my relationship you fucking asshole”
So AITAH? I don’t think I am because my father wanted to make a comment off of an assumption and I just simply corrected him with a little hint of sass. | Your sister's bf is the only one who's not an asshole in this story. |
AITAH for telling my sister to get out of my room everytime she enters? | So I'm a 13yo girl and my sister is fifteen, and we dont really get along often as most siblings do. But recently she's been really disrespecting my space (for context my room is a small loft that you cant even stand in.) So I hate when people are in my room bc they're going to be like 5 feet away from me. And today my sister came into my room to chase my cat, which i told her not to do. And the whole time i was telling her to leave my cat alone and leave my room mind you i wasn't yelling, but instead she sat at my desk and just started looking through all of my stuff. Like she'd pick a journal up lip through pages and just drop it on the floor. As she kept doing this my pleas for her to leave got more agitated and now she's mad at me because she say "I can come in here anytime i want, you're just being a b!tch". So AITAH? | You’re NTA. I used to deal with this from my older sister when we both still lived at home. She would come in my room and swipe everything on top of my dresser onto the floor and walk out. I’d have to spend twenty minutes straightening my room back up. It’s infuriating.
She shouldn’t disrespect your space. If your parents won’t enforce that, I’d start locking your door when you’re in there. If you aren’t allowed to lock your door, then start disrespecting her space back. Show her how it feels.
Unfortunately, having an older sister means she is going to feel like she has the right to boss you around. I’m ten years older than you and it still hasn’t changed for me lol. |
AITAH for being upset that my girlfriend telling literally everything about us to her friends and hiding things from me? | So me m18 and my girlfriend f18 have been going on for about 6 months strong, we've had amazing and beautiful experiences together and I feel a connection to her that ive never felt before with anyone else. I trust her with my life and tell her things that ive never told anyone else and she's told me that she (well I atleast thought was true) has never told anyone else. We've had a lot of bumps and slip ups but we've always been able to push past them and stay together. On new years actually we've had one of our biggest bumps yet, she broke up with me. She never really explained why but I told her I'd always be right by her side to support her. A lot of things changed when her friend added me and told me and showed me things that I never would have thought my girlfriend would have said. She talked about how I was extremely difficult to talk to and how she lost love for a while before she broke up with me, only staying because she thought I would hurt myself. I even found out that when we first started dating she didn't even love me, she was infatuated with another man. Her friend was also being really unsupportive at the same time, she joked about doing sexual acts with my girlfriend and basically calling me a piece of shit saying I treated her horribly when I would literally do anything for my girl. I tried telling my girlfriend about how I dont like her friend and the things she said and she instantly snapped at me saying I have no right to say anything about it and saying I was "completely delusional". AITAH for saying something and getting upset? Should I have just let things slide? She's now not messaging me at all and i'm kind of worried. | You're not the arsehole for being upset. It sounds like you BOTH were on different understandings of the relationship, and by the sounds of it, you can do a lot better. She doesnt respect you and spoke badly behind your back without honesty or empathy to how you'd feel. I think this needs to be an ex, and despite your immemse feelings you're still young and have plenty of practice to come. Chin up OP |
WIBTAH If I make my cousin lose all his friends | I (18F) grew up extremely close to my cousin (18M). We went to the same school, were in the same grade, and were both bullied. I was always expected to protect him and forgive him because people said he was “mentally younger,” which I never agreed with, but it made me feel responsible for him. I was labeled the “smart, mature one,” and I knew that comparison hurt him, so I constantly minimized myself for his sake. When bullying got worse and I started to get into physical fights to defend him, he changed schools, and although we grew apart, we still shared childhood moments at my grandmother’s house. Problems came when my mom married my stepfather, another alcoholic like my dad, causing many problems and complicated family experiences. Meanwhile, my cousin’s family suffered severe financial problems due to his father’s gambling addiction. Although things eventually improved thanks to my grandfather and my mother’s constant help, my aunt and cousin became used to receiving support and saw it as an obligation. After years of seeing each other almost only at Christmas, he transferred to my high school. At his old high school, he had been beaten up because a classmate was annoyed that he was too noisy. He made a group of friends, in this group was Thom and Kurt who I thought was a jerk. The following year. I started to hang out with Thom a lot, mainly because of books and music. That latter interested Kurt, and little by little he began to approach us to learn more about “old” music, there came a point where the three of us became super best friends, especially when we all got instruments and started playing
Two other girls joined us and formed a very special and close bond. That same year, I went through a very serious depression when my older sister tried to poison my stepfather, my mom and me. Not only did the justice system do nothing, but my whole family defended her and took her side and don't believe she did it, but while my family called me the bad sister for not even wanting to look at her, my cousin stood by my side, and all my favorite moments and memories with that group of friends were mostly because of a joke from him. In our final year, the group grew inseparable, our chosen family, My cousin and I reconnected like siblings but My cousin’s girlfriend cheated on him. I tried hard to be there and support him. and after months of fighting nonstop, Kurt and I started dating. For graduation, I had prepared a little letter for my cousin thanking him for staying by my side and saying that my greatest achievement that year was seeing him graduate. My cousin had many academic problems. To help him I even made him complete projects. Also, whenever I achieved something academically, I never felt I deserved it because in my head it wasn't fair to him. But everything fell apart this December after a year of trying to get used to college, to a career that my family chose for me and that I hate, not being able to see my friends as often, and my sister not leaving us alone and literally hitting my mom and ending up with she in court almost being taken away by security for being crazy and disrespectful to the judge. Everything was relatively normal. Kurt was at my house, my cousin called him. I liked to joke that my cousin was jealous of Kurt and I being together. He often said things to me like I had to respect his rights over Kurt as his best friend, for some reason he really gets annoyed if someone says or suggests that he and Kurt are now "family". I said something to him while Kurt and he were talking on the phone, a stupid joke like, “There's the jealous one.” When the call ended, I saw that he sent Kurt a couple of messages.
Since high school, I would sometimes send him messages from Kurt's phone to see how long it would take him to realize it was me. He said things like literally saying that he (Kurt) only matured to be with me and that why he couldn't be the same idiot he used to be, that Thom and I forced him to mature and he wants to go back to being his old friend and stop thinking he's superior, that deep down he's still the same jerk.
Then he started saying that being with me is no achievement, that even his mom (my aunt) told him that Kurt is a poor thing, how he could ended up with me, that I'm conceited, and that he didn't know anything about what was really going on in the family, that everything I've said is a lie and he stupidly believes me, that there has never been any proof of what my sister did (YES there is, there's even a legal case) and that she has tried to get away and have a normal life but that my mom and I won't leave her alone (again, she harassed us all year and hit my mom), that I just put crap in his head and he should leave me, that he should stop believing me, that I'm jealous because my grandfather support them (my cousins and aunt) takes them on trips, and gives them money, while he only sees me once a year and other very bad things about my mom and how I was a terrible sister and person.
Since what happened with my sister, I had never cried so much because I swore that he believed me and wasn't on her side, and that he really loved me and believed me. In my head, he was the only family I had left, besides my mom and little brother. After everything I've done for him. The few happy childhood memories I had left are ruined, the memories with my friends are ruined, everything is ruined. And honestly, not only do I not understand how my family prefers her, I don't know what I did to make my cousin do this to me,I've always done the impossible for his happiness, and now he wants to ruin mine. I sent him a message telling him that it was me and that he screwed up because I genuinely planned to continue helping him for the rest of his life, whether with emotional or financial support, but that now I would never do anything for him, even if he didn't have to eat. I threw everything I had done for him in his face and told him to grow up, that no one in that family would ever love him as genuinely as I did and that he had just ruined everything. I think he then told Kurt that I act like a saint but that I treated him badly once when we were kids.
I told the rest of the group of friends, and they all took my side and even started complaining about how behaviors or comments from him were bothering them quite a bit, they said to me that if I decide to not forgive him they are gonna kick him out of the group and their lives. My cousin already tried to apologize, saying that he didn't really mean everything he said and that he was just stressed out from work and still not over his ex. He knows I'm perfectly capable of cutting him out of my life completely. The only thing I care about is my group of friends. he really, really loves the group, I don't like being the responsible for making my cousin lose all his friends, but for moments I get really really mad, remember all the things he said and all the things I have done for him, and I really thinks I deserve to get revenge.
| NTA at all. That was not “stress,” that was him finally saying how he really feels and hiding behind stress after he got caught.
You didn’t blow up your relationship, he did when he chose to trash you and your mom to your own boyfriend and side with your abusive sister. Cutting him off is a boundary, not revenge. If the group drops him too, that’s a consequence of his own actions, not something you “did” to him. |
My (22M) fiancé has a feederism kink AITAH | I (21F) am engaged (yeah yeah I know we are young) to my fiancé of 3 years (22M) and have recently (as recent as a few months) been told by him that he has a feederism kink and he wants to get really chubby(/bedbound possibly) and wants me to be his feeder.
It doesn't turn me on but I guess I am not here to kink shame and he is well aware that I will feed him but it's nothing sexual to me. Problem is that I really do not want him to intentionally make himself fat to the point of being immobile.
He is skinny (not super skinny but okay size to be healthy) and I do not care what his body looks like unless it gets unhealthy in which I just want him to be healthy, but he really wants to get bigger and bigger until he can only rely on me to feed him in bed.
I understand fantasies are exciting but when it becomes a health problem and comes to rely heavily on someone else I don't agree with it.
I really love him but it seems that almost every time I want to get intimate he brings up gaining weight or eating (which I do not mind too much as the kink itself doesn't bother me) and really I just want to have regular sex with my fiancé.
I have told him that sometimes I would prefer to just have normal sex and it does happen, and he does acknowledge that he will tone down the amount of times he asks me to feed him during intimate moments, but I can tell it bothers him which makes me upset.
Should I move on? Are we just not that compatible? AITAH? | So it's his kink to have you financially support him while psychically caring for a heavily disabled person? Kinks shouldn't massively lower your quality of life. |
AITAH for causing my Aunt’s teaching license to be removed | TW: SA
This is really long and I would say chaotic, but I’m gonna focus on this specific issue .
So last year around September, my niece came up to me and confessed that she was actually being abused by her grandfather immediately I talk to the parents and encouraged them to file a case against the grandfather.
It was a long fight, but eventually we didn’t win because the parents decide that they’re not going to push a case and just send the grandfather away which is really crazy.
I took a stand for my niece and you know she’s just scared to stand up in court to file a case because her parents have already brainwashed her that it’s going to be a scary and long process and according to the lawyers I have talked to if the abused wouldn’t stand in court then there’s no case. Since there’s nothing else I can do I just let it be.
But with that confession, another cousin of mine came up also to me and said that she was also been abused by his very own brother, which is also my cousin and it’s crazy because she told me that the abuse has been going on since 2020 and that four months later from the start of the abuse, the parents already know and all they did was just scold the brother, they still live in the same roof. They still tried to force this sibling thing, and honestly, it’s just crazy that after all this time they’re still living together and according to the mother, when we confronted her, she said she didn’t know that it was still happening because we have already scolded him. That’s just the most craziest thing to say!
You cannot imagine how angry I was because of that and the family was also angry, we told my aunt that the only thing to do is to file a case because how could you as a mother, not protect your daughter and she said no I can’t because that’s also my son too which is again so frkn crazy because she said like “don’t you ever dare ruin my son‘s career”
I already told my cousin to file a case, but again the same thing as my niece, she was already brainwashed by her mother. She was saying that if the story comes out, it’s going to be your fault.
Her dad is sick recently last year was diagnosed with prostate cancer and they’ve been just like really trying to meet the ends and I think it’s just karma doing it’s thing, but anyway the mother was like pushing if something happens to your dad it’s gonna be all your fault which is for me the craziest thing to do because what the heck!! so again my cousin did not want to file a case. She just requested that the brother will be sent away and that’s what the brother did and just now I found out that last December 20 he got married with his girlfriend. I cannot just shut up anymore like how could this abuser be enjoying his life while her sister is suffering.
The thing is my aunt is a public school teacher and my mom was also a public school teacher before so I know a couple of teachers in her school. My mom is dead already by the way, so yeah, I tipped them off saying that this happened and the rumor starts spreading and she was actually called through the office and was now fighting for her license and again like I have mentioned his husband has cancer and my aunt was the only one who’s earning money and now they are like having troubles financially, and some of the family actually hated my guts on doing that because they said it was like too much, but I think I have to do what I have to do and I don’t feel sorry at all.
So am I the asshole for causing my Aunts teaching license removed because she enables her rapist child.
EDIT:
Thank you all for the response and sorry for some typos as I have typed this whole thing I was kinda frustrated.
Just an additional detail. I am from the PH. All victims are minor. I am 28yo.
Case 1: my niece, on the day that I found out I immediately notified the parents and had them filed a case which they eventually didn’t continue because according to her mom “they don’t want to damage their reputation” I went to our local CPS and asked for help, according to them they can review but the thing is if proven the parents could be listed as accomplice. And the child will be taken. I still consider my niece’s feeling about this so I told her whats going to happen. Brainwashed enough she said as long as the perpetrator is away, she’d very much like to stay with her parents.
Case 2: my cousin, which is the person here in my story, is experiencing the same thing. She was also brainwashed and guilt trip that if anything happens to her dad who’s sick is going to be her fault. As a minor she’s taking it seriously. I assured her that it’s not going to be her fault, but again she only requested that her perpetrator to be away and she will be fine.
Both parents banned me from talking to them. But we secretly chat just to check on them. | NTA. Anyone who abuses children, or enables abusers should be in jail. Your aunt, bring a teacher ffs, is a mandated reporter of abuse. I am so proud of you for trying to stand up for your cousins. The fact that they just sent these abusers away makes me SICK... you know they won't stop, they will just find new children to abuse. I would warn the new gf so no one in her family gets assaulted, or they have children! You did not "cause" any of this. These are the results of the abusers and enablers own actions, or lack there of! |
WIBTAH for getting a sublease without letting my parents know? | So I (19F) rented out a room and haven’t really told my parents about it yet but I plan to sometime this week hopefully, and the only reason why I haven’t is because I’m scared of how they’d react since they have a history of just being verbally and emotionally abusive. I’m just wondering whether I’m in the wrong for going about it this way and if I should have mentioned the idea beforehand or at least hinted at it? Is what I’m doing right now stupid. Even though during the few crashouts I’ve had I told them I’d leave. That was ages ago though.
I’ve just been wanting my freedom for a while now and not having them literally control everything I do in life, I can barely even participate in club activities without having to mention it to them all the time or sometimes even if it runs late they want me home asap. So idk
Let me mention they practically take my phone every night, simply bc they don’t want me using it but I’m at the age where I can do my own things. Me staying up does not affect them once whoever but somehow they try to find a way to add themselves into it. I’m just tired at living at home ultimately and trying to make my own decisions. Since they’re constantly hovering over me and want to know every aspect of my life. | [deleted] |
AITAH for telling this guy he looks like my ex? | So for context I (19F) met this guy (21M) on Tinder!! we texted for a few days before meeting in person and he seemed quite normal via messages until he proposed for me to come over at his place for our "first date" and I wouldn't have minded to go if it only wasn't the case where well, we were basically strangers... so I kind of thought it was a red flag but brushed it off and just told him to hang out at a public restaurant instead.
The days passed and the date day arrived I got dolled up and ready to meet him and he was actually pretty nice BUT and here comes the problem, I DO NOT like physical contact, not even from my family, not even from my friends or anyone really.
And the first thing this guy did when he saw me for the first time has hugging me from the back by my waist and I froze I know it may be normal for some people but not for me so I kind of freaked out and told him he looked like my ex (lol I know) I guess I got nervous and just said the first thing that came to mind and I kept using that excuse when he got too close or whenever he kept making sex insinuations.
Fast forward date ended.
Things got kind of rough in the texting field the next days we kept talking however I felt awful for telling him he looked like my ex and I kept apologizing expecting that didn't make a huge impact on him. I took the desition for both and "broke up". I told him it wasn't going to work and we both ended up on good terms.
That was the end
This thing keeps me up at night to be honest, I deeply regreted it even it was just my fight or fly mode taking over and even if he was just a player I still think about it till this day.
¿AITAH?
edit: or at least that's what I thought..
Because then he popped in my life once again just talking to me out of nowhere for some days and my friends told me he probably just wanted to have sex with me so Installed tinder once again to see if that was true and just like I thought he was active in his profile (probably talking or seeing other girls too lol). I found out but I just didn't reproach anything to him and then he ghosted me when he saw me with another guy (my gay bestfriend) which he would have known if he asked but since he didn't well I guess am a ho in his head | NTH He crossed the line by getting sexual when you weren’t cool with it. Saying something awkward doesnt make you the bad you were just protecting yourself.You don’t owe anyone anything just for going on a date. |
AITAH for telling my (F 33) boyfriend (M 29) his non stop affection feels dis genuine? | We’ve been dating 2 months, thinking of marriage. He smothers me with affection. Tells me i’m so cute, so pretty every 5-15 minutes. When i’m not even looking at him, he keeps saying it. When i walk by him, he’ll keep saying it. At first, I thought it was cute but as it got more extreme, i felt it was odd, as i am never used to someone do that. I told him, it feels like you are joking around/ doesn’t seem genuine because you do it so very often. He says that’s how he usually shows affection and then got super upset with what I said and I hurt his feelings. I apologized and explained to him it didn’t mean I wanted him to stop but I wanted to understand him more. But he decided himself he will reduce the amount of affection he gives me. The next day, he still seemed very upset about it, being passive aggressive. I tried to cheer him up in different ways but I could sense he shut down emotionally. His silence and withdrawal made me feel uncomfortable and awkward. Yes, i could of worded things better and said things more carefully. But I felt there was nothing else i could do other than give him space, so i went home. What should I do? I have no where else to ask. I feel emotionally drained already and upset this happened. | Friend, you've been dating 2 months. You've barely met. You tried to have an honest conversation and he turned it into *this*. Getting passive aggressive, giving you the silent treatment, making you feel "emotionally drained already and upset". All because you pointed out that him calling you pretty every 5 minutes starts to feel disingenuous after a while--and you're absolutely right. What he's doing *does* sound disingenuous. Like other commenters have mentioned, it looks like love bombing. |
AITAH for Feeling Uncomfortable with Paying for my Own Engagement Ring? |
My husband and I recently joined our finances, so everything now comes out of one joint account.
He proposed with a beautiful diamond engagement ring. One of our monthly payments (£112.78) is for the ring. I’ve asked several times how long this payment will run for, but he’s always brushed the question off.
I’ve recently sat down and done some rough maths. I think the ring cost around £8,000, with a £1,500 deposit, leaving about £6,500 financed. He paid it himself for roughly 6–8 months before we joined accounts, and we’ve now been paying it jointly for 4 months. Based on that, it looks like there may still be ~£5,000 left, which would mean several more years of payments.
Here’s where I’m struggling: I genuinely don’t feel comfortable paying for my own engagement ring. I understand we now share finances, but symbolically and emotionally, this doesn’t sit right with me. I didn’t choose the ring, agree to its price, or agree to a multi-year repayment. The idea of funding my own engagement ring makes me feel sick.
For context, I recently had eye surgery costing £8,000. We jointly discussed it, I put in £4,000 of my own savings, and the remaining £4,000 is being paid from our joint account over 12 months. That felt completely different as it was planned, transparent, and agreed.
I’m not opposed to contributing some money for a short, defined period (e.g. around a year total), but I don’t want to be paying for my own engagement ring over several years.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way and wanting the remaining balance handled outside our joint finances? Or is this a fair boundary?
Genuinely interested in objective perspectives.
Edit: I should add that this came about because I look at our accounts each month and asked him what that direct debit was and he told me it was for the ring. I asked how long he had left on it and he said he wasn’t sure. I asked again about for maybe the third time a few days ago as I was going through our finances again and he said it was probably a few years but he wasn’t sure. I didn’t say more at the time, but I have been thinking about it quite a bit since and really wondered if I was being unreasonable before bringing this to him and sitting down to talk about it.
I should maybe also add for those saying he doesn’t have his own money anymore that he does in fact have his own money from stocks and shares that is fully is. He prefers to use this money for holidays, which for transparency I am included in those holidays too now. We did not bring together premarital assets.
Lastly, I did not pick the ring, and I had no input in the purchasing of the ring. I only found out about the repayments after we combined finances and I was checking our bank account. | YTA for obviously beeing OK with a 8k ring while this seems to be way out of (both of your) budget! That's insane! |
AITAH for being pissed my family doesn't clean | Okay, so, titles sounds like an obvious yes but!! I'm (17) living with my dad (54) and older brother (22). I'm not currently working, I do homeschooling and both my dad and brother work full time. Now, I don't mind cleaning and helping around the house, I get I have more time than they do. I'm upset though because they aren't respectful of the house. They're complete slobs, they don't pick up after themselves at all.
They leave their trash everywhere, refuse to take the garbage out when it's overflowing, they just throw stuff around it. They don't clean so much that when they try to they have no idea where things are or go. Like they leave things out to just mold and never take initiative to pick it up it's always me.. otherwise, I fully believe it would stay there forever! SORRY IM COMPLAINING but I feel like I'm being ungrateful for getting mad they do this because of how much they work, my dad's getting older and he does spoil me. Do I need to chill out and suck it up? Or is it valid to be upset at them about they're lack of tidiness..? | What exactly do you hope to gain by accepting the role of their free maid?
Stop cleaning up after grown ass men who wont respect the shared space. You are enabling this dumpster fire.
What you need to do is stop doing their labor entirely. Let the garbage sit until they deal with it. NTAH. Stand on business. |
WIBTAH for asking to be paid back? | My (41F) brother (35M) owes me $5k. He has borrowed money in the past, and has always paid it back, albeit sometimes after a disagreement where he goes nuclear and sends the money as a way to go no contact, without being asked to. The most recent time was in 2020.
We reconnected a few months later when he apologized. He didn’t borrow money again until 2024. He asked for $10k, and said he would pay it back within a year. I said I could swing $5k, and he accepted.
We are approaching 2 years now, and it’s never seemed like a good time to ask for it back, as he always seems to be in crisis mode. He has mental health issues and has moved around a lot with his wife. Recently they moved back to where we’re from, about 20 minutes away from me, and our mother, who recently inherited some money from our grandfather, gave him $10k to jump start his life here again.
That was a few weeks ago and since then he seems to be spiralling, mentally. He sent our mother some really unhinged messages and has decided to go no contact with her now. He hasn’t said anything to me yet, but I’m expecting it any day now.
We have asked him to get help, offered to pay for it, he says therapy won’t work for him, because he is smarter than any therapist… it’s bad, but I don’t know what else to do for him. I’ve tried supporting him, being a sympathetic ear, I’ve tried calling him out and he just gets defensive and calls me an idiot or ignorant.
It still doesn’t seem like a great time to ask for the money back, I know they don’t have much other than what my mother has given them. They work in a seasonal industry, and won’t have steady income again until the spring at the earliest.
WIBTAH if I asked for repayment? | Sounds like there won’t be a good time to ask for it back. Next time you speak you will have to mention it as your brother isn’t going to since it’s been 2 years already |
AITAH for not wanting my privacy invaded and displayed publicly as a middle schooler? | so for context, a few years back, i'd say around late 2020-2021, my church held (still does) sunday night youth program where all of this 6th-12th graders could come and hangout and learn a little about the scripture while playing games and having some food. i now do not identify as a christian for many reasons but that's besides the point. i'm not gonna say the name specifically but will substitute it to avoid anyone noticing me or whatever, but they held this weekly segment at the youth program before scripture reading called "In Your Room with A\*\*\*\* ." basically what this was, was this one youth leader by the name of A\*\*\*\*, asking your parents for permission, while your in school or away from home if he could go into your house, then, into your own bedroom and go through your drawers, closet, jump on your bed, and snoop around, all while being recorded and shown on the big screen at the youth event for all of the students to see. mind you, everyone who attended these youth nights were people i went to school with and had known for a little less than 2 years.
to get to the point, he had eventually gotten to my room, which i prayed every single sunday that it wouldn't have been mine. he went thru my nightstand, dirtied up my cleaned bedroom, showed everyone my trading card collections, my clothes i wore, and even played on my xbox i had in my room at the time. he also displayed the childhood blanket i still was attached to at the time to the camera and pretty much made fun of me for having it. i don't use it anymore but it was still very humiliating and im sure deep down, none of the students enjoyed having this done to them either.
of course this may be seen as light hearted fun, but as someone with horrible social anxiety and insecurities at the time, it was pure dread and the perfect example of a nightmare to that type of person. i still go to the church 5 or so years later and dont associate with the youth program or any of the other students that attend, just because of personal reasons and religious beliefs.
i flipped out on my mom and argued back and forth for allowing this because she knows what type of person i am. we've been thru duo counseling and my mental health has been more public to my parents as of the past few years so i know she probably wouldn't do something like this to me ever again. but i just feel as if i overreacted or maybe took it the wrong way.
that's all. thanks if you read it 👍 | I don't think you're a terrible person for not wanting your private space broadcast to everybody. This sounds like a creepy over-reach by the guy doing it. How old is that guy? |
AITAH for getting frustrated that my girlfriend keeps eating the homemade ice creams I make for myself? | I’ve a sensitive stomach since childhood, so I mostly eat homemade food. I love ice creams, but store-bought ones never suits me. Because of that, my mom used to make homemade ice creams for me.
I’m now 24M, living with my 24F girlfriend, and I regularly make homemade ice creams myself. These are intended for me. My girlfriend has no food restrictions and can eat outside food and store-bought ice creams with no issues. We always keep multiple types of store-bought ice creams only for her, I never touch them.
The mould I use makes 6 ice creams at once, enough to last me exactly a week. I make them exactly the way I need, low sugar, more nuts, very milky, etc. The process takes a lot of time, efforts and planning. You have to boil and actively stir the milk for over an hour!
Earlier, my girlfriend used to take one or two ice creams from the batch, which was totally fine. Over time, that number gradually increased, and now she takes about half of them. It may sound petty, but she has tons of options, while this is my only one. These homemade ice creams are finished within 2–3 days instead of lasting 5–6 days as intended. It has become kinda frustrating in the long run.
Making a larger batch isn’t a viable option, since it would take significantly more time to cook and would also require buying another mould. I’ve casually mentioned this several times, but nothing changes. Sometimes milk is limited, and I can only make 2–3 ice creams.
Yesterday, after a long day at work, I came home and saw the mould completely empty. I had made 3 ice creams just two days ago and didn’t even get to eat a single one. At that point, I was totally miffed and it showed. She reacted by getting upset.
It also feels lack of thoughtfulness from her to me. She’s fully aware that these homemade ice creams can’t be replaced easily, once they’re gone, you have to wait at least a day and put in over an hour of work to make more. Which I've to do myself.
For context, we both work full-time and split household chores equally. I don’t count the ice-cream making as part of housework; I take full responsibility for it myself. Another solution for me is she starts taking half of the process.
AITA? I'm still making them as before and she isn't taking any, I'm not showing any guilt and happily eating them while they last for a week now. | I think girlfriend needs to take turns making ice cream. |
AITAH for trying to make it work with my brother after our “sibling rivalry”? | Okay so i dont know how to start this. i make mistakes. i have made mistakes. TERRIBLE mistakes. I don’t know how to recover from this at all. I have eight siblings. I share both a mom and dad with ONE. he hates me. he always has. i have a clue of possibly why, but even before he has been emotionally abusive or mean then. like for instance when we were younger it would be my turn on the game, and he would do stupid stuff like unplug the wifi, call me mean names, and he used to always put his hands on me. I usually let this go beforehand because my family therapist excused it as “sibling rivalry”, or she said because growing up my dad used to hit us here and there and his partners.
Until, in 2019 (I was stupid emotional and just if I am being honest undiagnosed—I was 13 and stupid). So, I remember my Dad left to go on a date with someone. Me and my brother were left alone in a one bedroom apartment and had been there for his visitation for like a week or two already. We basically were going insane, he slept on the floor, I slept on this like really small leather couch. We already had conflict and every time it was one or the others turn there was always drama. So I don’t know what was different this night. I have no clue if he felt more bold about the fact my Dad was gone or what, but his time was over on our PS4, and I told him. He ignored me. So I called my Dad who didn’t answer…he sent me a text and I explained it was my turn, and my brother wasn’t giving me the controller. Stupid kid stuff. I am then like dude I am not waiting let me hop on Fortnite. This dude, who knew our Mom wasn’t accepting of my sexuality starts calling me all kinds of slurs and saying how much of a disappointment I am and all this stuff then spits on me and kicks me. I chase him. Stupid kid stuff. I cannot remember when he did, but he cooked noodles in the microwave before this. I regret this part so badly, and would do anything to go back. I was hurt, emotional, and stupid. I threw the noodles at him, and he ended up getting burns. Really bad burns. I WAS TERRIFIED. I started screaming and crying. I called my Dad, no response. Called 911, and then my Mom, and now my Dad wanted to call. I did everything I thought I could. I was scared. I cried all night. When the EMS came I told them everything. I was scared. I couldn’t sleep that entire night.
So with this, my Mom and Stepdad were extremely disappointed in me. I made my bed, and laid in it. I did everything to try to prove that burning him and traumatizing my baby brother wasn’t my intention. I just wanted him to hurt like how he hurt me. I was upset at the stuff he was saying about me, and all the times he physically hurt me. I went to outpatient services and was hospitalized in a psychiatric unit. I was eventually diagnosed with stuff, and given medication.
I apologized to my brother so many times within these past 7 years, and he has understandably not forgiven me. We had another incident in 2021 where my brother outed me as trans to my Mom after I made the mistake of opening up to him. I was already openly a lesbian, and she HATED it. My mom was mad at me. She said even meaner things, and threatened sending me off to conversion therapy. This caused a lot of conflict between me and my mom for my entire time in high school up until graduation. Nothing changed and every time I made my brother mad he would say mean stuff to me, spit on me, or just straight up attack me.
With that, recently in June 2025, I had an episode at home and I broke stuff in our home, and my brother beat the hell out of me (i believe to stop me?) and ended up hitting my Mom a few times while my mom was trying to stop him. He just blatantly said he hated me, he wanted me to be dead, and I was a disgrace to the family. During that encounter my other younger brother called my stepdad and police. My parents didn’t say anything about my brother threatening my life and beating me and my mom, but they told the police about my mental health and my episode, so I was sent to a psychiatric hospital for a week.
Ever since I have been home. Okay so yeah let me get to the point. Today, my brother was talking to my younger brother about his football recruitment stuff, I walked into the room, and he made a comment about me so I said something under my breath. I thought he hadn’t heard me, but then he took my younger brother into his room, comes out and yells that I cussed out my little brother! MY BABY BROTHER. WHAT THE FCK. I was scared, my parents already think negatively of me because of my recent episode so I ran to explain to my parents. I did, and they took his car keys and said his GF couldn’t come over for two weeks.
So my brother being my brother during dinner he made comments about me, and the situation. I ignored. Then he brought up the situation continued to lie I said no I didn’t and he got very mad about it. He left the dining room, and came back and pounced on me, said he hated me, I don’t belong in my family’s home, and I needed to be gone, or else. I recorded the incident, and I have no clue what to do. No police were called, but I am scared.
I am completely lost, and I want to try to solve things with my brother, and become AT LEAST cordial, but I am afraid he will take advantage of my vulnerability and just hurt me again. Every time I say sorry, and try to make amends the second I make him mad he just hurts me. I feel like I am to blame for all of this, and I feel like I ruined my family. I am the only child who takes medication, and has mental health problems. I feel like an ugly duck in the family, and just need honest advice on how to approach this.
I am working on moving out, and getting a job but since I am 19 with no experience it has been pretty hard. Please help. What do I do? How can I keep myself safe, or get my brother to not hurt me or anything. I am scared to go to bed tonight in all honesty.
AITAH for trying to fix things? AITAH for ignoring his process with everything we have gone through? AITAH for being scared of him? I don’t know, and I am extremely lost. I will take any advice. Thanks | When you burned him, in his eyes you stopped being his sibling and became his literal enemy. Every time he sees you, he remembers the pain. His home isn't safe to him while you're under the same roof. This is war. Of course he outed you, he wants you away from him. When that didn't work, he resorted to provoking you verbally. When that didn't work, he resorted to lying. He will continue to fight until you're far away from him. You can't fix it. You can only leave.
Also if you're having episodes where you're breaking stuff, you're kinda objectively dangerous.
NTA for being afraid, but YTA for approaching him. Apologies are just words, they don't always heal a hurt that came from an action. Get a lock for your door if you're afraid to sleep, focus on your mental health and leave him the hell alone. |
AITAH for asking my neighbors how long they will have their generac running? | My neighbors 50s-60s Married couple power is out and they recently installed a generac. Problem is they installed it in the breezeway on their property inbetween my rented house and theirs within 10-20 feet of my bedroom window (and the whole house) and this thing is loud and annoying the hell out of me. Im 32M am thinking about getting a hotel room for the night because its keeping me awake. I also value living in a peaceful area and get actual anxiety over loud engine noises that go on (lawn mowers, generators, etc)
Its 25 degrees here so obviously they need to keep their house warm. Am the asshole for knocking and asking them how long it will be on and letting them know i cant sleep over it? | I would call the town and ask what the law is regarding distances from a home. Besides the noise you also need to worry about the Carbon Monoxide. I just saw this article: [How Far Should a Generac Generator Be From Your House? (homepowersystems.net)](https://www.homepowersystems.net/blog/generator-distance-guide/)
You should also find out if a permit is needed and if they actually got one. Good luck. |
AITAH for accidentally being the reason my family broke up? | I'm 16F. I've always been alone. Hardly any friends. I'm not mean or anything but I'm very outgoing and love to talk a lot. Since I was young, my parents have always fought. I never felt safe to even ask them for a hug. My uncles and aunts were allowed to hit me and yell at me as well. It was over the smallest things, like getting a math problem wrong or moving a mug. My father was absent and my mother used to control everything I do, making me attend 3 classes every single day as an elementary schooler. She also broke a lot of my things and smashed my favorite toys when I was very young if I got a single math question wrong or did something she didn't like. She beat me a lot. When my father was around and I didn't do something he liked, he hit me, dug his nails into me, and put me in time out. My older brother and two younger brothers never got treated that way.
I admit, I was a rough child. I hardly could sit still. But I wasn't a bad one.
I've never been able to share my feelings with them as they wouldn't understand nor react in an appropriate manner. Fast forward to my summer after 9th grade, a boy who just moved here from India became depressed and blackmailed me. He kept saying if i didn't do what he liked, he'd kill himself. He sent pictures of blood. Somehow his friends got involved. They sent porn, blood, and made very sexual comments - harassing me and threatening me. They also threatened to hurt my bsf (now 17M). I didn't feel safe enough to tell my parents this. I dealt with it alone for 4 months until I told my school counselors half of the story (just enough to get him help).
I'm currently dating my bsf (17M). We've been dating since 2024 fall. My parents found out about him in March. My dad went through my phone and read my messages. He ended up telling my ENTIRE FAMILY (brothers, uncles, aunts, mom, grandparents, e.t.c.) that I had a bf (knowing that my mother was very abusive). My older brother refused to even look me in the face after that. My mom beat the crap out of me, making me bleed. There were fights everyday after that and they made me stop talking to him.
Along with that, my dad also found out about the blackmail kid and told my family about that. My mother came up to me and asked if I liked watching porn and gore and subscribed to those sites. She then came up and tried to make me feel worse and scaared by having a very threatening demeanor.
My dad (a few weeks later) got himself a counselor as our family was completely broken and he didn't know what to do. The fights were very bad. My family beat me a lot and screamed and yelled. I got my devices taken away. They tried to make me move schools (in my sophomore year during march). They kept saying how worthless and shameful I was. My dad let me talk to my bf without my mom or other family members knowing.
After summer, in august, my parents were making me move schools or get a stay away agreement from my bf. I told my bf to meet me so we could talk and I could tell him about everything. I essentially ran out of the house that they and told them I'd be back later. My mom and my aunt tracked my location and came to where we were.
She hit my boyfriend and made him bleed. She clawed him and such. I had to put myself in between them. Then she was screaming my bf raped her and such (in a public place). My aunt and her kept telling me what a terrible daughter I was and what a failure and horrible cusses and such about me. They called my uncle who cme and started pushing me around and threatening to punch me. Then they called my whole family (10+ people) and made a whole scene. My bf called the police and then my mom asked me to lie for her to them. I said no. My bfs fam didn't press charges so my mom isn't in jail.
After we got home, they tried to hit me and my fam was crying and causing so much drama. After that, she left and didn't come back for 6 months. Now, all of a sudden, she's trying to come back and control my life all over again. My father too. He has controls all over my phone and room, so much so that i have no privacy. I wonder if he'd find this post as well.
But, I can't help but feel like this entire situation is my fault. If i was a better kid, I wouldn't have a broken family when I was younger. If i didn't have a bf, I'd at least have something to call a family in the first place.
I do yell back at my parents lately and I do fight with them a lot as well. I don't get hit as often anymore but occasionally it still happens. Yelling happens everyday. They tell me they regret me. I say they're the worst parents ever and I can't wait to leave.
AITAH? | Nothing you describe sounds like a child causing a family to break. It sounds like a child surviving years of harm in an environment that was already deeply unsafe long before you had any power in it. |
AITAH for considering rehoming our dog due to escalating resource guarding when we have small kids? | I’m really struggling with this decision and already feel incredibly guilty and heartbroken even having to consider it.
We have a 7-year-old large-breed dog. In the past, he showed mild resource guarding around the couch and bed, which we were able to address. Recently, however, he has begun showing **food-related resource guarding**, and it feels more intense and concerning than before.
We have small children, including one child with autism. I’ve worked hard to teach dog safety and boundaries, but it has been extremely challenging for my child with ASD to consistently understand and follow them. He often feeds the dog, and I believe the constant food reinforcement may have contributed to the escalation.
For clarity, while my husband is emotionally attached to our dog and we share routine care, **all training, redirection, and behavior management fall to me**.
A few days ago, the behavior escalated. Our dog showed aggression toward me over food, bared his teeth, and then bit me—not severely, but enough to break the skin.
This is a large dog with the physical ability to seriously injure someone. My youngest is only 1 year old, and my child with ASD sometimes crosses boundaries despite constant supervision. While I do everything I can to manage interactions, I can’t realistically be present 100% of the time.
His behavior feels like it’s escalating, and my top priority has to be my children’s safety. I know rehoming would be devastating for my kids, especially my oldest, but I’m scared of what could happen if we ignore the warning signs.
I’m considering rehoming him to an environment where he would receive more consistent structure and training. My husband is strongly opposed and feels we should keep trying to work through it, and I’m trying to gather outside perspectives so we can have a thoughtful, informed discussion.
If we do decide to rehome, my parents have offered to take him temporarily. They are experienced dog owners and fully aware of his behaviors, which would give us time to find the best possible long-term home if needed.
I’d appreciate hearing from people who’ve been in similar situations—both where rehoming was the right choice and where rehabilitation was successful.
**AITA for seriously considering rehoming our dog to protect our children?**
**TL;DR:** Our 7-year-old large-breed dog has escalating food resource guarding and recently bit me, breaking the skin. We have small children, including one with autism. While routine care is shared, training and behavior management fall entirely to me. My husband is opposed to rehoming, and I’m increasingly concerned about safety.
EDIT:
Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment and share their input. I was able to talk through much of the feedback with my husband, and yesterday my parents picked our dog up. They are fully aware of the situation, including what happened before and after the incident, and the interventions I’ve been using up to this point. Both of my parents have extensive experience with large-breed dogs—our family dog growing up was a large breed and was with us for 15 years. The plan moving forward is to have him evaluated by another veterinarian and begin the process of finding a more appropriate home for him. He deserves an environment where he can succeed, and my children deserve to be safe. This was not an easy decision, but it is the one that feels most responsible for everyone involved. | As long as you have a plan and aren’t just dropping the dog off at a shelter, I think rehoming is the best decision for everyone. Having young kids, and especially a kid with ASD, around a stressed resource guarding dog is not an easy situation to handle. Age 7 is also considered a senior dog and, while not impossible, it can be harder to train certain behaviors out of older dogs. He’ll be happier in a more structured environment. NTA. |
AITAH for not driving my daughter to school? | I, 43 F, was sleeping this morning since I had been up all night. My husband (Daughter's stepfather) kicked me out of bed since we had an argument and I slept on the couch and just stayed up all night watching Ink Masters.
My daughter, 17 (two weeks 18) F, has been recently getting up late more and more. I don't know why, but she needs to set her alarms sooner or louder or something, because I'm getting sick of driving a grown ass adult around.
She came to me early in the morning, saying she missed the bus. I brushed it off and went back to sleep. Around now, he came to me again, asking if I was gonna drive her or not, so I lost my cool and told her this is the 3rd time in 2 weeks. I told her she needed to get up and I'm exhausted. I ignored her and she went back upstairs.
I'm sick of her not getting up, me getting fines, and her missing her school and work. She doesn't even respect me or call me mom anymore, she keeps stealing my food and drinks I buy as 'revenge' after I accidentally drank her soda, and I'm tired of this brat not treating me with respect when I'm the one keeping a nearly 18 year old afloat because she can't.
So AITA?
Edit: This post is NOTHING to do with my post history. It concerns this incident. I'm not replying to people who put words in my mouth. | “Keeping an almost 18 year old afloat” SHE’S NOT EVEN A LEGAL ADULT, THAT IS YOUR JOB AS A FUCKING PARENT!
No wonder she dosnt call you mom, the way you’re speaking about her makes it seem like she’s the biggest burden in the world and that is 110% not something that has only started now.
YTA and you sound like an awful teenager yourself. Grow up. You’d so be the type to kick her out on her 18th birthday and the later say “but I was a great parent!” |
Aitah for waiting | My grandmother (78 yo) is in the hospital with flu and pneumonia. She may not be doing too well. Honestly I haven't been there for her like I should I haven't went to see her in about 2 years. I want to go see her in the hospital but I want to wait till the illnesses are not contagious anymore because I have a 2 month old but my aunt is pressuring me to go. Aitah for waiting a week? | NTA. your 2 month old's immune system is basically held together with hopes and prayers right now. RSV alone could land them in the hospital.
your aunt can pressure you all she wants but she's not the one who'd be up at 3am with a sick newborn. grandma would probably be pissed if you brought a baby into a flu/pneumonia zone anyway. |
WIBTAH if I told my mom that I don't want her at the house anymore? | So, for some context, my parents are separated but not divorced. I (16f) and my two brothers (21m & 19m) all live in a house with our dad (54m). My mom (50f) moved out 3 years ago, 2 days before Christmas. She comes down biweekly to "hang out with the kids." I put this in quotes because she never does anything other than be on her phone all the time.
My mom moved out ever since my dad found out that she was having an emotional affair with one of her coworkers. My parents don't want to get a divorce till I'm 18 and have graduated from high school because they don't want to deal with custody and child support.
When my mom is at the house, she does absolutely nothing to help. She comes home late, like 7 or 8, when she gets off work at 4:30. She never helps make dinner, so it's either my brother or me making dinner. (My dad works nights; he'll occasionally make dinner for us before he goes to work). She never does the dishes but harps on my brothers and me to do them. When we sit and watch a movie, she'll be on her phone, especially if it's something that she wants to watch with us. Ever since I got my license in November of 2025, my mom has lashed out at my dad and my older brother just because I've been driving a lot. She always gets angry at either my brother or my dad. But mostly to my dad.
Recently, she called my dad to initially help with something, then turned into a conversation about us kids. For context, I was talking with my dad before she called, and my dad put his phone on speaker. She said, "You need to ask your kids if they want me there anymore because I've been getting shut out by my own kids. OP won't hang out with me anymore because she's always doing stuff for school or going to hockey games. She always comes to you and never me. So you need to ask them if I should come down anymore because it sucks."
My dad is heading out to dinner with my mom to have a discussion about this. Honestly, having to deal with all the stress from everything happening in school, socially, mentally, and everything else, it sucks, and I don't want to deal with my mom anymore. WIBTAH if I told my mom I don't want her at the house anymore? | No - you are not the AH - her move was a passive-aggressive/aggressive one, and she likely really wants to be 'off the hook', and you are not benefiting from the relationship, as it stands, even in a normal way... she is selfish and unaccountable, it seems, for real... |
AITAH for feeling weird and uncomfortable for how my friend worded something she said that was kinda negative against my interest?? | Alright, so this is going to be kinda short, (I lied it's gunna be kinda long but ima try to only include what I feel is important) but I'm feeling conflicted about what was said and I genuinely don't know if I'm overreacting for feeling weird or not so here it goes:
I, 20F, have been watching BL (Boys Love) asian dramas since i was 17. I found it by complete accident (kinda) but have been apart of the community ever since. It's something that if the topic of dramas come up, I can rant and ramble and talk people ears off about for hours, but otherwise I don't tend to bring it up unless I get asked about it or I'm really excited about a new one, or I'm really excited about one I'm watching. I would like to clarify that even with all these, I really don't go around announcing it, and I keep to myself about them 75% of the time unless I'm with certain friends. I don't go talking about them with strangers, and even with certain friends, I try not to bring it up unless the topics sway that way and then I bring it up. I don't like it when people shove their likes and ideals down my throat so I would never do it to others.
Now, I have a friend, lets call her Y. Y does not like watching for reading anything gay or lesbian related. Now, she's NOT homophobic, as I'm friends with her and I'm apart of that community. But she doesn't like things like that, and sometimes talking about it makes her uncomfortable, so I try to avoid it. But, and this is very important, we like to make jokes about it from time to time, and she's usually fine for the most part.
Now here's what happened:
Y had posted on her story a picture of the main characters from a new BL that isn't based in any asian country that I have been wanting to watch. The picture had captions over thr characters in a meme type of way, because of what they were doing. I recognized the characters right away, so I responded to her story saying that it was funny for her to post that specific picture. She had said she thought the captions were funny, and I responded saying "Am I affecting your algorithm?" She was confused, and then I said that the people in the picture was from a BL. And then I proceeded to kind of explain the characters since they weren't asian and everyone who knows me knows I mainly watch asian content. The conversation goes, and then as a joke I said that Y should watch it because she might like it.
Y then responds to that message with, "Is it that gay shit?"
This is where I feel conflicted, because the second she said that I felt really uncomfortable, even though she really didn't say anything that bad, but to me, it felt really weird. I even told her so after explaining what BL stood for, because I wanted to be honest with her and not have any negative feelings build up. We talked and she apologized. saying that she didn't mean to sound homophobic in any way, just that she doesn't like hearing about or watching or ready anything LGBTQIA+. I already knew this so I told her she was fine.
I don't know if its wrong of me to feel weird about the wording. Like, yes I know you don't like it, but you know that I like it and we even joke about it from time to time. Though, I will say the only time we do joke about it is if she brings it up first. This was kinda the first time I started the joke. I just really don't like how it was said.
AITAH????
EDIT: Something that I thought I had made clear but I guess I did not: This entire conversation was over text. I replied to her instagram story, and her statement was a text message. So that's why I'm asking if I'm wrong for feeling weird from the way she worded it, not the way she said it. | NTA.
Halfway through, when you said she’s not homophobic because you’re queer and she’s friends with you, I knew exactly how the rest of the story would go.
Your friend is a homophobe. She has a disgust/revulsion response to queer imagery and queer stories. If your queerness were a more significant part of the way you present yourself to her, she would distance herself from you. She thinks of you as “one of the good ones” or who doesn’t “shove it in her face all the time.” I put that in quotes because these people always say the same shit, practically verbatim.
Ask yourself: If they’re not homophobic, why would a person dislike content or show discomfort when discussing a topic specifically because of the queerness involved?
Ask yourself: Are you genuinely loved and cared for by someone who’s so uncomfortable with topics relating to a significant part of your life (your sexual orientation and therefore your romantic life) that you *actively avoid sharing that part of yourself with them*?
Remember the answer you already wrote for this question: When she said “gay shit” did her tone sound like she was being silly or ironic like queers and allies often are with each other, or did it make your heart sink to hear her venom come out?
This girl probably thinks she’s not racist because she doesn’t use the N-word. |
WIBTAH if I asked my BIL for my money back | I (18NB/F) and my BIL(19M) went shopping for my sister (20F) for her birthday and christmas. he picked out some clothes for her and wanted to buy a digital download for a game for her switch.
i paid for the download code in cash (i had tips from my job because we went straight from my work to the store) so that my sister wouldn’t see the purchase in their joint account and it would be a surprise. I paid 65 dollars in cash and handed him the bag with the card and the receipt in it, and told him to make sure he gave my sister the receipt so she would have the code. I’ve purchased games this way before, so I knew that the code was only on the receipt.
When he gave her the card on Christmas, the receipt wasn’t with it. She asked him for the receipt and he said he didn’t have it.
I went back to the store and had customer service print a copy of the receipt, but the code wasn’t on it. The card is nonrefundable.
I just got home and I’m freaking out a little bit because I don’t have another 65 dollars to drop on a video game, and I paid about 120 dollars for dinner at the beginning of December because he forgot his wallet at home.
I try not to be the kind of person to be demanding to be paid back, especially because he‘s my family, but I am recently unemployed and I’m getting really anxious about my finances. I’m graduating this June and I barely have 400 dollars in savings from my job, but I’d feel bad if I just asked him to cough up 185 dollars out of nowhere.
WIBTAH if I asked my BIL for some of my money back? | NTA. Let your BIL know your financial situation because he seems lackadaisical about understanding he needs to pay you back. |
AITAH in my marriage? | This might be long.
I want to get people’s perspective on this.
I have been married now for almost a year but been together about six years. We have a toddler together.
I 25f and husband is 25m. We live with his parents. We do help with the groceries and pay rent. we both worked before having a kid.
We agree on me being a sahm because we couldn’t trust daycares or anyone in general watching our child. Now his job does have a daycare at the facility and he would have access to his kid at any time (obvi)
Okay so here is where I want to know if I’m an a-hole. My husband works first shift. So he gets home from work before dinner. I do give him time to change and relax. I feel like I’m constantly asking for my boundaries to be respected and they keep getting ignored or just beg for basic needs in a relationship and father role.
When I’m overwhelmed or overstimulated, I tell my husband I don’t want to be touched. He will keep touching me anyway (grabbing my butt or tits or poking. Etc). I tell him to stop multiple times and he doesn’t. He’s also said things like I’m “his property,” which makes me upset. He also told me to grow up.
A few days ago I asked him to change our son’s diaper. Before doing it, he threw a ball at my head. He didn’t apologize afterward.
On top of that, he often refuses (or just pure lazy) to help with basic things like taking out the trash or helping around the house, which leaves me doing most of the work while also taking care of our child. He also picks and chooses to be a dad. Sometimes I have to say “can you please play with him” or even he “watches” his kid. He has to have his YT playing on his phone (half of the time he even watching his kid just looking at his phone)
When I get upset about any of this, he tells me I’m overreacting or being dramatic or being a b. I’m starting to feel disrespected and emotionally worn down. It’s been like this for years now but only started to bug me a lot more since I’ve became a mom. I feel like he is just a high schooler all over again. He spends time in the bedroom on his desk playing games or yt or on discord with his buddies. The small stuff is making me mad. He leaves food over night on his desk. Beer bottles or soda cans. The beer or soda be half empty as well. Beer tops on the desk when our kid can reach. He miss the trash can sometimes so there will be tobacco or nicotine pouches on the floor. His dirty clothes stuck in between the wall and bed or just on the floor. On top of it call he says I treat like sh*t because I ask him constantly or tell him to help or anything.
Some days he helps with chores and can be really involved with his kid.
Note: yeah I live with in laws. They work too. 80% of the time I’m home alone with the kid caring for the whole house. Grandparents help as much as they can to watch the tot while do something quick but they want to relax when they come home. (Understandable)
Edit: we don’t use his daycare because he didn’t put our did on the list when the bag was first born or when the baby got older. I wouldn’t mind the baby being at his job since he would be able to check on him at every time. Any other daycare is a no because we don’t trust stranger and because of the news. I don’t want want some rando beating or touching my kid. We live with his parents because of the market in our area. Tho he does make good money by himself where we could live comfortable enough on our own. He has been taking advantage of being able to live with his family to send money on many different things. My family isn’t stable that is why I moved in the first place. We only have one car and I only have a permit. Many promises were made for me to get my license and learn to drive but it always falls apart after a couple days of teaching me. | He's been like this for years, but you chose to have a child with him anyways?
You need to get a job so you can start earning money, so you're not completely financially dependent on him. And then you tell him to knock off his crappy behavior or you're leaving. |
AITAH for posting about my sister on my private story | so backstory I 15f had been having like issues with my older sister 16f for like the past week. She has stole my money nad lied about it, had caught an attitude with me when I asked her to clean up after dying her hair black. Which i only asked her bcs my dad had threatened to stop me from playing basketball if all my stuff including the bathroom wasn't clean.the last thing was when she didn't do the dishes(we have dish days) and basically my dad asked who had em and I said her bcs ik she ain't do em the day b4 (if you don't do them you have them the next day)
So me, my dad and his wife had like agreed that they weren't done bcs when they woke up in the morning they seen that they weren't done. I knew that she aint do them bcs I had stayed up till like 2am cleaning out my room, and nb went in the kitchen to wash the dishes. after she gets told she has dishes she's like no I don't. so my dad chooses to just be like "okay S just do the dishes bcs they need to be done"
I did em n I was very irritated bcs she was just in her room laughing and I like posted talking about how she's older than me, has a job but steals from me, and be having people come up to me to tell her do do her school work and stuff like.
A day passes and like she's not in the page she can't see the story so like im calling but smb in my page sends the story to her and then she tells my data about it. We basically have a family meeting so we can talk about it and my dad was speaking for her the whole time talking about it hurt her feelings and everything. I was like okay ig I shouldn't have posted. I made like an apology post and posted it on my story and I apologized to her. But like was I the AH??
| Seems like you just posted the truth -- why should you apologize for just telling it like it is? If her feelings are hurt, maybe it's because she looks bad (the truth) and she knows she's in the wrong. And I wouldn't have done the dishes, either, because it was NOT your responsibility. Sorry your parents don't have your back on this one. I'm not sure I could resist asking, "So, what do I have to do around here to become the favorite child? Steal from (sister)? Mess up the bathroom and leave the mess for her to clean up? Why do I need to do her chores, too, just because YOU can't figure out how to make her do them? I'll do them on my days -- but she needs to step up." |
AITAH for lashing out at my parents for commenting on my weight? | I (teen, F) have always been getting comments once in a while regarding my weight, body, etc. from my parents. To me, my body seems fine - my stomach is flat, weight is normal, etc., but my parents always obsess over my cousin, who's underweight and gets praised for being so thin. I haven't ever felt any insecurity in comparing my cousin's weight with mine, and I have a great relationship with her, but whenever we go to visit my parents will always make comments like "she's so thin", "she's thinner than you", etc. which gets on my nerves. One day, when I came out of my room, my dad started telling me immediately how I should start eating less as I'm gaining weight (I personally don't think I'm gaining weight as my body looks the same and I don't feel any heavier) and my mom, whilst in the middle of a lecture, told me I'm not even close to being thin/skinny. This hurt me more than anything, the way she put it as though that makes me less than, and I lashed out, telling her she shouldn't be saying that about me as she's nowhere near the thin/skinny category either. I told her I don't like when she makes comments about my body/weight, and she proceeded to tell me I was oversensitive and was labelling "constructive criticism" as body shaming. I'm still extremely upset at what went down, but can't help but wondering if I'm the one overacting/overstepping when I said that to my mom, along with yelling at her in anger.
AITAH?
Edit: As of now, they're both pissed at me and refuse to speak to me and are making comments about how I'm an ungrateful brat of a child, not willing to accept feedback, and the like. | EVERY time they mention your cousin's "thinness" make a concerned, sympathetic comment about how sorry you are about her eating disorder and how you hope she gets some professional health before her body is permanently damaged. You need to do it every time for it to work. |
AITAH for using my sister's charger? | My phone is currently being really strange with chargers and only accepting certain ones.
I went round the house asking people to see if could test if their charger works with my phone. The only one that works to my knowledge is my sister's charger. She got this charger from a Meta Quest VR headset for christmas (not the last one, year before) and uses it for her phone as well.
I asked her if I could use it while I figure out what to do with my phone and she was perfectly fine with it, and I gave her my charger which works on her stuff, and is even faster than hers.
Then a day later my mum barges into my room demanding the charger back, I explain that my sister was perfectly okay with this arrangement and she even came up to defend me.
Mums argument is that since my sister didnt pay for the charger/headset and was a gift from them it isnt her decision to give it away.
So reddit, AITAH?
| Your mom is creating drama over what seems to be a non-issue. NTA. |
AITAH for blocking my best friend | Ok so me and him have been off and on friends for around 4 years now and it’s been fine but we haven’t hung out in a while and it’s not because he’s busy with work or anything he actually has a lot of time on his hands but doesn’t make any effort to hang out with me. He hung out with someone else but kept telling me he was “too drained” to hang out. We had plans to hang out and nobody ever said anything about it so I just let it go and then again yesterday he was supposed to hang out with me at a birthday party and he stayed up til 10am and didn’t set an alarm and said he “forgot” but I asked if he was still going several times. I feel like he’s inconsiderate and just doesn’t treat me fairly. I feel it’s a one sided friendship and he just ignored me all day when I said him not even apologizing or mentioning he slept through it. Oh also we’ve talked about this not too long ago and he said nothing was wrong and he just gaslit me and tried saying I was the one who was distant or being weird. | HE’s not your friend. Period. Move on. |
AITAH for asking if she's on birth control? | Today me and my girl were having unprotected sex for the first time when I asked her where she wanted me to finish she asked me where I wanted to I said inside her. She said I could but I asked her if she was on birth control. She got really upset and things immediately ended with her exclaiming " why do men always have to bring up babies during sex and ruin things" and now won't talk to me. Did I do something wrong here? I feel like I wasn't out of line by asking that question. | You did so something wrong. You need to have that conversation before sex, not during.
Also never have sex with her again, she's obviously not on birth control and is trying to get pregnant. |
AITAH For not wanting to spend time with my mom’s bf? | My mom started dating her bf after 3-4 years in a narcissistic relationship. I’d figure she would find someone new if she wanted to get with someone, but she started dating the boyfriend she had prior to the narcissist. This man was the best man at my mom and dad’s wedding, best friends with my dad and my mom ended up cheating on my dad with him. In 2016 they had a divorce which was one of the most hurtful things in my life. In 2018, my mom comes to my Holloween party crying saying that she saw him with another girl, not just handholding on the street but she went to his house to give him pastina when he was “sick” and you can guess what she saw. Fastforward to these past few weeks, she told me she’s dating him, I already state my opinion that he’s probably going to cheat on her again (he was literally just cheating on another woman to get with my mother and was still with her when they started dating) my dad has told me he can never have one woman. She’s defended him making excuses that my grandfather cheated on my grandmother and she forgave him. Now she wants me to start hanging out with him, I gave her boundaries that if she wanted me to spend time with him it might take up to a few years. I thought these boundaries wouldn’t harm her in anyway but apparently hes wanted to invite me to dinner. He basically wants to replace my dad in anyway, teach me football because he’s a coach, take me on his boat because he’s a millionaire, and give me a job, but I already have a job with my uncle. My dad doesn’t have a boat, he can’t teach me football because he never played, and can’t give me a job because he doesn’t work (he’s physically disabled) but he’s my DAD, I could care less what he can give to me he isn’t an ATM. Anyways me and my mom got into a big argument because I don’t want to go near that guy, he’s a homewrecker, cheater and from the conversations I’ve heard from him when my mom has him on the car radio (they literally talk every 30 minutes I can’t take it) he has a small God complex. So I told her it might take me time (she already knew that) but still got angry because she thought it would take a few weeks, she’s been ok with me saying “a few years to just get used to it, might be even sooner” but now it’s a big deal. My dad also wants me to take him for all of his moneys worth and spend time with him and get his football knowledge but I don’t agree with my dad, I’m not ready. AITAH? | Imagine being mad that ur kid has boundaries. NTA. You’re being respectful, u just don't want to hang out. she needs to relax. |
AITAH for lying to my ex-boyfriend and telling him I have liver failure so he would leave me alone? | I know lying about something like this is wrong and insensitive, but please hear me out.
I (16 FTM) was in a long-distance situationship with my ex (19 M). He found me through Instagram and was very intense and affectionate from the start, which I later realized was love bombing.
A few months in, I visited him for a week.
During that visit, he crossed some serious boundaries one being him trying to have sexual intercourse with me while I was asleep, which made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe to say the least. After that, I started noticing red flags I had previously ignored, and I also found out he had been cheating on me.
When I returned home, he ended things but wanted to stay friends. I agreed at first because I was emotionally dependent and didn't want to lose him completely. Not long after, he started seeing the person he had previously told me not to worry about and continued contacting me telling me sexual stuff him and his new partner did, even after l asked for space. I eventually blocked him.
He then began messaging me on other platforms asking why I blocked him. Based on past experiences with him, I didn't think asking him to leave me alone would work, and I was just completely exhausted and done with that situation.
I lied and told him I had liver failure and was going to die, and that I needed to focus on myself, hoping it would make him stop contacting me.
I know lying like that wasn't the right thing to do, and I'm not proud of it, but at the time it felt like the only way to get him out of my life.
So, AITAH? | Kinda
you should have not have lied to him but if u are feeling unsafe the you should probably report him to the police coz I'm pretty sure he tried to SA u in ur sleep
(also what does FTM mean) |
AITAH for asking my boyfriend to drop me off and being told I treated him like a valet? |
My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) have been together for 9 years.
Yesterday we went out to dinner. It was winter, the area was busy, and the sidewalks were icy. I was wearing heels. As we were pulling up, he couldn’t find parking close by.
Before he drove off to keep looking, I asked if he could drop me off at the entrance and then park, and I’d meet him inside. He said no and responded, “I’m not a valet. I’m going to find parking and you can walk with me.”
I said it wasn’t a big deal and mentioned that it was icy and I didn’t really want to walk in heels. He replied, “Why do you have to make everything such a big deal?” and said I should just be grateful we were going out to dinner. He also said that I should’ve worn boots instead.
I didn’t push it further and ended up walking with him. The night continued normally after that.
I didn’t think asking to be dropped off was unreasonable, but he clearly felt like I was being entitled or making a bigger deal out of it than necessary.
So now I’m wondering if I was in the wrong for asking in the first place.
| I always offer to drop my wife off if we have to park far away... ice, rain, snow, sun, it doesn't matter. |
AITAH for having very specific standards? | I’m 21 years old and for the last year I’ve been living in Athens, Greece, because of my studies.
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was young, so my life experience is very different from most people my age. I see the world differently and I have different needs and expectations, especially in dating. I’d really appreciate mainly European perspectives because dating culture in the US feels completely different.
Recently I had a short one-month relationship. She was very beautiful, one year younger than me, approached me herself, and broke up with me because she “didn’t feel anything more.” We talked a little afterward through phone calls and voice messages, and I tried to understand why she pulled away so suddenly. I’m sure there were reasons behind it. Nobody just wakes up one morning and realizes you’re not their type. But I came to the conclusion that when someone doesn’t want you, pushing for explanations won’t fix anything. Whatever her reasons were, they’re in the past.
After that breakup, I started thinking about my future. I talked with a close friend and told him that from now on I want to focus on self-improvement. I want to finish my degree, improve my appearance, get better at repairing laptops and phones since that’s what I want to do professionally, earn some extra money from playing guitar, keep gaming and doing my hobbies but in moderation, maybe one or two hours a day. I want a full glow-up over the next few years.
And because I’m working to become the best version of myself, I want a partner who matches me in the same way. I want someone I am genuinely attracted to physically, and whose lifestyle fits mine. I prefer someone younger than me, born in 2005 or 2006. I’m from 2004 and honestly feel uncomfortable being with someone older, even by a day.
I also want someone from the same social class. I could never date a rich girl. I would feel out of place and like we’re living in different worlds. Middle class like me is ideal. I’m also not interested in girls studying to become soldiers, police officers, ship captains, or influencers. Those lifestyles and values feel completely different from mine, and social media-focused people especially feel like a huge mismatch.
And yes, physical attraction is important. I want someone who attracts me as much as my ex did. That’s realistic for me. Without that attraction, even if she has a great personality, it becomes friendship instead of a relationship.
When I said all this to my friend, he basically roasted me. He told me my standards are outdated, that I need therapy, and that I’ll end up alone. I told him his brain is fried from too much porn, while I actually control my desire and know exactly what I want. I’m talking about the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It’s normal to have high standards.
So I want to hear opinions. Are my expectations wrong? Are high standards a problem? Or are low standards the reason so many people today cheat and jump from relationship to relationship without commitment?
My friends tell me to go out and get experiences, but I’m old-school. I want the one. If my self-improvement pays off, then I believe I’ll be the one who ends up winning long-term. While others reach 35 or 40 still searching, I hope to already be in a happy long-term relationship with someone who truly fits me.
What do you think? | It’s fine to have standards, everyone has what they prefer. But the stuff you talk about, and the way you talk about, gives me the impression that you have issues, and I’m not referring to Asperger’s, which by the way is a term I haven’t heard in a while. |
AITA for cutting off my sister financially after finding out her unemployed boyfriend is benefiting from my money? | Throwaway account.
My sister (23F) works as a cashier and earns barely above the minimum wage in our state, so I(30M) have been supporting her financially. I pay half her rent and her utilities and regularly send extra money for things like groceries or hair appointments or whatever she needs money for. I never really minded because I earn about four times what she does. About five months ago, she started asking for money much more often. She always had a reason and I sent her money without question because I want her to feel I will always help her out. Then last week, I ran into her at a club with a guy(Jake, 27M) she introduced as her boyfriend. When I asked how long they had been together, she said a few months which surprised me since I knew nothing about it. She got evasive and annoyed when I asked her more questions. That made me uneasy.
I just wanted to make sure my sister was with someone decent, you know?
So I called one of her friends the next day and asked about Jake. The friend didn’t have a high opinion of Jake. She told me Jake has been basically unemployed for over two years because he can’t keep a job. He moved in with my sister four months ago after they had only been dating for a month. He stays home while my sister goes to work and isn’t really doing much to get a job. I knew nothing about this. I have been paying rent for an apartment he lives in without contributing anything. I also realized that my sister’s increased requests for money lined up with when he moved in with her which means most of it has probably been going to him.
I confronted my sister about it. She said she didn’t twll me about the relationship because it was still developing. I told her I would stop covering half the rent going forward since she now has a roommate who should pay the other half. I will still pay the utilities, but I am cutting back on any extra cash. She got upset and asked how she was supposed to manage on her income. I pointed out that she now has a partner. Surely he can subsidize. She told me he does not have a job. I responded that maybe it was time he got serious about finding one. I made it clear I didn’t trust the guy. Someone being comfortable depwnding on her so early in a relationship felt like he was taking advantage. She accused me of being judgmental saying he is just going through a rough patch and needs her support until he can get back up. She also accused me of trying to control her life because I help her out financially and I have no right to meddle in her personal life. We have not spoken in days and now I feel conflicted.
I genuinely believe he is using her and she’s using my support to enable it. I am not trying to control her life, but don’t like her being taken advantage of.
AITA?
Edit: Apparently people are shocked that I give her so much support. My sister and I got closer following the death of our parents a few years ago and I've taken care of her since. I've never minded until now. But perhaps it's time she learns to find her own footing? | I wouldn’t be paying the utilities either. |
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