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AITAH for telling my brother he's overreacting to my mom and I giving advice? | So I(22F) have a brother(24M), and our dad is not in the picture anymore. My mom(46F) is married to my step-dad(49M). So my brother is 5'8" and my step dad(he is actually our dad to us, but you'll see why I say step-dad for now) is 5'6", mom is 5'2" and I am 5'7". I can't even believe I have to do something as childish as list heights, but here we are omg.
So my brother hasn't been speaking to the family much since Thanksgiving. He normally calls us once every couple of days, and facetimes my parents. But since Thanksgiving he hasn't been doing it. My mom has been increasingly worried, and he has been sometimes straight up ignoring her or just sending one word answers.
Anyway, enough was enough, and he was in town to visit us today and my step-dad made him sit down and "hash whatever beef there is". He then confessed he was bothered by something my mom and I did. Our cousin who visited us during Thanksgiving is seeing this guy, and things were getting serious, and she said he may pop the question soon. She even talked about future kids she would have with him(he is a different race, and they would have mixed kids) and the challenges of teaching the kid both cultures. My mom asked her how tall he was, and she said the guy was 6'3" and my mom said, "oh good, you can have tall kids" or something like that. It was honestly so trivial, I forgot. I made a joke saying, "yes, mom, \[cousin\] and I know our worth, and short kings are not for us, we need real men not boys" or something along those lines(once again, it was from months ago and I was a bit tipsy) and we just laughed. A harmless joke that just helps her prop up her man. I obviously don't think height matters like that, I am not shallow. My current boyfriend and I fell in love online, before I even knew his height, and I didn't even know how tall he was until we met in person for the first, 6 months into dating online. My brother also knows this.
So apparently this is the reason why my brother hasn't been talking to my mom, or me either(I never noticed, since we usually just send tiktoks to each other, I assumed he was just busy and uninstalled the app, since he does that when work gets rough sometimes). I told him he is a baby for being offended by a joke. My mom also told him to get over it, and it was harmless, and so what he's short. Then he made HUGE OVERBLOWN statements like how my mom CURSED him with short genes, since our biological father was 6'4"(according to my mom she told him when we were kids apparently and promised him he would be tall cuz she chose right to reassure him when he was bullied one day). Since she CURSED him, she had no right to talk down to him. I told him that's taking it too far and my mom started crying, and my dad took him out on a walk to cool him down.
Anyway, he left without coming home, and told my dad he's never coming home again to people that don't respect him. I told him, as a jest, you can be short or have short man energy, so pick a struggle. It was supposed to a be a joke to make him see how silly he was being, and now I am blocked. He blocked my contact, and blocked me across all platforms, and I cried a bit too.
AITAH? It was a simple statement, made MONTHS ago that I think he's overreacting to. My mom and I obviously love him, and he thinks we don't respect him. My mom even tried telling him that she wouldn't be with our step dad if she really thought that way. But he thinks we are shallow and judge people based on height. Idk what to do. | YTA it was a rude thing to say. |
AITAH for joking back? | My boyfriend (31) and I (27) were playing around and joking today, you know how couples do, poking light fun at each other. I was getting around for bed and didn’t have clothes on, he comes and gave me a hug. For context, I’m white and he is black.
He’s like “ooo okay chicken butt.” I’m like haha what, he’s like ya no color! I’m like haha no it’s just pink, he’s like exactly, chicken! Your butt looks like chicken. So I go, haha okay burnt toast. Now, we’ve been together for a year in a few weeks. And idk I thought we were just messing around. I understand that the jokes weren’t “equal” in the sense that the one I made has a racist history even if that’s not how I meant it.
But he’s very hurt by it which I didn’t mean obviously and he keeps ranting about it and that I should never feel that comfortable to say that to a black man. I said well you’re not a random black man you’re my boyfriend and I thought we were joking around. He’s like “it doesn’t matter, I can make a joke all day about ur color I can call you cracker it doesn’t matter but you can never speak on mine and if a black girl heard it you would have got your ass beat.”
Obviously I won’t say anything like that again because he didn’t like it. I grew up with a few black friends and was seeing a black guy before him too and that type of joke would have been fine. I know everyone is different so I guess we’re just still figuring each other out. But he’s like “I didnt think you were the type to go there” and all that.
Also for context, at least once a week he genuinely asks me to say the n-word, which i always refuse of course. I ask him why and he says cause it would be funny. Well tonight when talking about the burnt toast comment he admitted that it was always a test and I always passed. I’m like okayyy?? To me that’s weird. Idk I’ve always thought it was weird to “test” your person regardless of what it was about. Idk I guess that’s slightly unrelated.
AITAH for jokingly saying my black bf looked like burnt toast after he said my butt looked like chicken? | NTA Never heard burnt toast before. You're right, if you're close enough he would understand you mean nothing by it. You were commenting on the color of your butt cheeks. I thought it was a funny comeback.
I agree there are some things you should never say to a black person. He's being too sensitive. |
AITAH for resenting my mum after her brain haemorrhage? | I’m 31 f and my mum had a brain haemorrhage back in 2016. Since the brain haemorrhage, she's not been the same. She was in a coma for a long, long time. She had to learn to talk and walk again. The hardest part is that she struggles understanding emotions and her personality is so different: she is overly emotional all the time but lacks all emotion understanding at the same time. She also lies often about completely trivial things or things she has done wrong to make herself look better.
With me and my brother, she constantly messages saying how much she loves me and starts every message with ‘my beautiful, smart, gorgeous angel.’ She texts me these things everyday and once clocked 20 texts whilst I was working. But despite being overly emotional on this front, she lacks everything that made her my mum before: humour, whit, guidance, courage, intelligence and confidence.
Her relationship with my dad has completely broken down as well. They sleep in separate bedrooms and my dad is exhausted from working a manual job in his 70s to support her. She gives nothing back to him and just sits around all day when she could do little bits around the house to help him. For example, she makes her own lunch and will sometimes cook dinner but won’t tidy or clean up. Their home has fallen into complete disrepair: its dirty and messy. My dad is too exhausted to do anything about it and my mum doesn’t even seem to notice or care.
I feel like these emotions have been flooding back to me as I am 4 months post partum and it pains me to see my little boy with his grandma as I imagine what things would have been like if she hadn’t had her brain haemorrhage. She invites herself over all the time to see him often without asking first. When she gets here, she does nothing to help me and instead just wants to sit in a chair and hold him. She expects me to make her drinks or lunch when she is here too. My son senses something isn’t right and simply cries when he is with her, but, through no fault of her own, she doesn’t register this and continues to hold him telling him how beautiful he is whilst he wails. There has even been a time when he was coughing and gagging from crying so hard but she’s refused to hand him back as she doesn’t register it is an issue. I got upset and snatched him from her and shouted at her. This is something I feel incredibly guilty about and I started sobbing. She didn’t even notice or acknowledge this. Another time she didn’t tell me she had a bad cold and proceeded to hold him anyway. I only found out after my dad called me to check she hadn’t as he had warned her not to before she came over (I was also upset he hadn’t messaged me first).
Being honest, there are times I wish she hadn’t made it through. How my dad could have moved on and found someone new to live his final years with, how I wouldn’t feel guilty for being frustrated with her and everyone wouldn’t feel like they had to look after her all the time. Everyone tells me how lucky I am that she survived but I feel like this is worse. AITA for feeling this way?
| No, you are not.
What you experience is the pain that comes with losing a loved one. Even if your mom survived, it's not really her anymore. Not really. The character she was, the traits she had are wiped out or distorted.
What you experience is very common among relatives of critically ill people for example. Often, relatives of cancer patients wish secretly to just have them die. Not because they want their beloved dead, but because they simply want the agony and the wait and the pain to be over. Similarly, relatives of people with neurological damage simply wish that things would just stop, and either revert, or be over. Nothing harder than being reminded every day what you lost in such vivid display.
You are not alone OP. I strongly recommend a group therapy for you. There are thousands of people who suffer from what you suffer from. They have developed coping mechanisms, understanding, and found comfort in knowing they are not alone. This may help you tremendously.
So again. NAH.
Remember: what doesn't kill us doesn't always make us stronger. Sometimes, like with your mom, it breaks us subtly and leaves us in pieces. |
AITAH for stamping my little brother? | I was painting in my room when my brother (10yo) walked in (looking for attention) and started slapping and pulling me, i stood up from my chair and Tried to calm him down (he was in a bad mood) then he walked up to my desk and painted a penis on it, then he began to shake my christmas tree. I saw what he painted on the desk so i pressed my palm onto the "painting" and stamped his forehead with a big white smeared up dick, then i dragged him to the bathroom where i scrubbed the stamp off his head, i know that what i did was very bad but i think it was funny as Hell | I wouldn't have scrubbed it off. I would have let him worry about having to go to school like that for awhile. |
AITAH Am I an asshole for arguing with my boyfriend because he brought me home? | Hello everyone! This is my first time here, so if anything is wrong with the description, please let me know.
Let's start with the fact that it was my birthday that day, and my boyfriend and I had planned it a week in advance, including a trip out of town with an overnight stay, etc.
The day started off wonderfully; he picked me up with flowers and a gift. We drove to the mountains, then to the planned destination, and as it turned out, there were no available rooms. I thought he'd booked everything in advance and prepared everything, but no. I thought, okay, that's okay, so we left, stopped for something to eat, and then he told me he had work the next morning and had to leave now. He asked me to look on the map for an open sushi bar, saying he needed to get some sushi for his nieces who were visiting him. I was taken aback and, frankly, didn't believe it at first, but he drove me home. We drove in silence, even when I got out of the car. He probably saw my displeasure, but he didn't say anything. I found it very strange and inconsistent, because if he knew he had to go to work in the morning, why didn't he tell me right away? Why did we go out of town and see if there were any rooms available for us? If there were, then what? Would we have stayed there, and how could he have left in the morning? And this sushi... I found it strange, because why would they wait until he arrived almost at midnight? They could have ordered it or asked his brother, who was also at home with them, to bring it. So, I thought about it all while he was driving home and decided to text him, saying I was unhappy with what happened. And he started saying how ungrateful I was, that I didn't appreciate what he did that day, and that I didn't understand how hard it would be for him at work in the morning if he stayed with me all night. I said that we had actually planned this, and you only told me about the change of plans at the end of the day, to which he simply replied that I was a little girl who didn't understand anything yet, and that I could have kept quiet since we were both already home and that there was nothing to change. I got angry and said that I was very grateful for his efforts, but he could have just warned me and that since I was such a little girl, why couldn't he, as a grown man, take responsibility for what he promised me? Yes, maybe it was rude, but I didn't know what to write after he said I didn't understand anything and didn't think about him. Although before that, he worked very hard and we might not see each other for several days, and I just waited for him. When he asked for help at work, I came and helped. I understood when he had financial problems, which he said he felt embarrassed about in front of me, and after all this, he tells me that I don't understand him? Damn, I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible on this day! On my birthday! Now we haven't spoken for three days, it worries me. Maybe I went too far? | If he had to go home for work, why was he pretending you'd stay over? And his nieces were at his house? WTF?
Maybe you went too far? If you are still with him you didn't go far enough. |
AITAH Had a play date without Mom | I (43M), married ~12yrs to 41(F), recently spent a solo weekend with our 2 young kids. Wife (A) had to go out of town for a trip (helping a grieving friend).
On Saturday, the kids begged me for a play date with their friends from school. I said I would ask the friend's father if they helped clean up the house. Kids did their part. I sent the message. Playdate was agreed to.
I did attempt to call my wife (A), twice, but was not answered. I did not text.
Later that evening, the friends wife (z) messaged mine (a) to clarify the plans. My wife (a), now aware and seeing the plans for the first time told the friends wife (b) she was out of town and wouldn't be there. I also got a call from my wife expressing concern.
Long story short, the playdate did occur, the mom (b) showed up without the husband and my wife is super pissed I didn't tell her to go home and to do this another day.
Edit: He decided to stay home and watch a game. My Wife found out after the play date it was just the mom that came.
Small details: the kids are super friends. The couple are married and have been to our house before. While not super close friends, I figured we were all on good terms. We've gone to a dinner with them in the past, lots of bday parties, etc.
There has never been and never will be any infidelity in our relationship...but I feel like this is mostly what this is about.
So, am I the AH for not turning away the woman and her kids to reschedule another day?
Edit, Clarity on when wife found out was only wife that came.
Edit 2: wife swears I never asked her to change the playdate if she was concered
Edit 3: playdate was at our house if this matters. It was very cold outside and I really didn't want to go anywhere anyway. The friends live a few streets over. Seemed easy to just do it here than somewhere else. | NTA. Is this a gender issue I assume? If so your wife is insanely insecure and needs to get a grip. |
AITAH for removing my ex off social media? | My ex and I were planning to get engaged when I came back from traveling for work. As soon as I came back I meet up with her and she starts crying profusely and telling me that her parents dont want us together for reasons they wont explain. I try to contact her father only to realize he blocked me.
So I tell her we’ll get through this and we’ll find out why they’re mad and despite her parents refusing to meet my father (who flew in specifically to meet them from another country). Few days go by and she tells me its better if we dont talk now out of respect for her parents wishes but that she will still try everyday to convince them to talk to me so I can see what happened and how to fix it.
As the days went by she calls me everyday at 3am crying saying she misses me even though we had agreed not to talk. I try to console her everytime and go back to bed. Then after that during a 2 week period we occasionally text back and forth, sometimes she starts it and sometimes I do. Then one morning she tells me her mother caught on and we need to stop talking. A couple of days go by and I try to text her only to find out she has me blocked on whatsapp.
I decide to call her up she answers and tells me she blocked me because we keep texting and she is too weak not to text me when its right there. She also tells me she did it because she thinks its better for both of us to move on. I got confused and hurt because just 2-3 days prior we were texting saying we will both give the issue time and stand together and pray until its fixed, only to discover she blocked me and has already started her moving on, without having the courtesy to tell me to do the same and I only find out that she started moving on by coincidence after texting her to find out I was blocked.
I felt disrespected because I was always there for her when she needed to vent about the issue, but decided to block me and start moving on without so little as a courtesy call when in my mind we were still both trying to fix things, and knowing how hung up on her I am. My friends told me I should remove her from social media just for my own sake and healing, so I did but it wasnt to get back at her for anything. She discovers that I removed her the next day and calls me and tells me that I’m pathetic and who would do such a childish thing and makes me feel bad for removing her because we have 0 mutual friends so we will pretty much never know anything about eachother again. I told her I removed her for the disrespect not out of spite for anything she did and that it was better for me not to constantly see her.
So reddit AITAH? | You’re not the asshole. She ignored boundaries, gave mixed signals, and disrespected you. Removing her from social media was a healthy way to protect yourself, not revenge |
AITAH for breaking things off with my JW coworker | I, (25M) started working at a coffee job spring of last year, just to find out that someone I went to high school with also works there, her (22F) made me feel at home at the store, offering advice and mentoring me essentially. She'd text me and I'd be too busy to reply but when I did the conversations just flowed effortlessly. We started talking more and more, I started to develop feelings towards her and she, I. We'd hang out outside of work and have flirty banter. I'd cook for her and she'd do the same for me. We'd sing along to music in the car, compliment each other often, take photos together, go on adventures, I'd write/draw her notes and she'd do the same for me. Late night convos over the phone deep Into the night. Our first kiss was on her birthday (ironically) we've been intimate a couple of times, never sexually. But there's been a lot of intimate moments. It was honestly magical.
I'd isolated myself for the last 3-4 years around COVID time, isolated myself from my friends, family, lovers etc. I was in a bad place mentally and I just felt like I didn't deserve to be loved. I worked on myself during that time, got my diploma and started getting back into shape. So when I met her it was like a breath of fresh air. She's hilarious, affectionate, empathetic, generous, a great listener and a sight for sore eyes, etc. All qualities I admire in a partner. I'd even venture to say she's the best lover I've had so far.
But, there's always a but. She's a JW, a devout one at that volunteers/attend meetings multiple times a week. I however am what you call a luke warm Christian, I'll pray when I need to, go to church when I feel like it, I like to practice my faith individually away from the judgeful eyes of the church (My church at least). I just asked her today what the future was going to look like for us her being JW and what not. I explained holidays and birthdays are big in my family and would love to share those moments with her and my family, I asked if she'd attend family gatherings and not engage in the festivities or if I'd have to go alone to all of them. I also asked if the kids would be raised in the same faith as her etc. I was omw back from music lessons and she happened to be on her break, so I stopped by at work and she came to the car and she started crying before even getting in, it devastated me, seeing her hurt and there was nothing I could do about it, but I knew I had my answer. We talked for the whole 30 minutes with her intermittent cries, I tried to comfort her to the best of my ability and give her space to process it. We didn't establish what the nature of our relationship will be moving forward.
I've done the whole leading women on thing in my late teens, early 20s and it's a recipe for disaster and I've been working through that. Being less selfish that is. I'm working on being honest about my intentions and feelings just to ensure me and my partner are on the same page.
My question is how do I navigate this moving forward, will I ever find someone else as good as this woman who loves me unconditionally and shows me she does, do I continue to be flirty/hang out with her at/outside of work? The late night convos do they cease completely? We started off as friends I guess that's why it feels so frustrating because it feels like I'll be loosing a good friend by creating distance between us both? How do I keep composure seeing her moving on w/o me?
What do you think?
| NTA. Religion aside, you both want different experiences in that aspect. You were not leading her on, you simply found an area of disagreement and immediately decided to work it out. This is the most mature thing you could have done, and it is not your fault that you both just want different things/have different perspectives. For advice, I would say to give her space to think for a while, then sit her down to talk. Ask her if things are serious/what she's willing to compromise on/how she sees your relationship moving forward/etc. Your last questions will be answered once you sit her down and talk about your intentions. Sorry to hear this, and I hope you are finding happiness in other things as well to get you through a hard time. |
AITAH for telling my friends that I trust my mom's opinion more than them? | I have a condition that resulted in me fainting every time I had my period. It isn't directly linked to my period but my period makes it worse.
I started fainting when I was on my period 2 years ago. It happened about 4 times before I saw a doctor as I have a history of accidently letting myself become extremely dehydrated and we originally believed that to be the cause.
I'm now in medication that effects my period as I've been told they have nothing to fix my condition directly.
My friends really dislike my mom due to how long she waited to get me to see a doctor, she didn't take me to hospital when I hit my head once when I fainted (she wasn't even with me at the time and still demanded my dad try to check if I had a concussion), not taking me to the doctor's for 13 years (because there was nothing wrong with me), and a whole list of things that they claim to be emotional abuse (I won't go into any detail about that because I don't believe any of it).
Recently, I've been feeling lightheaded and dizzy more often at school when I get up of move too fast. I know I can't really do much about it because my doctor said all I can do is eat more of certain foods. My mom has said she won't take me to the doctor's because it doesn't happen often (she was talking about a school holiday where I was laid down most of the time but who cares). My friends have started telling me to demand that my mom takes me to the doctor's and some just tell me to get myself sent home whenever it happens and she'll see that I "need a doctor". I always just ignored them or told them my mom would be mad if I got sent home for something like that (feeling lightheaded rarely happens and the dizziness disappears in seconds). They started getting mad about it and once again claiming she was abusing me and calling he horrible names. One friend even told me that she started telling her mom about my situation and saying her mom agreed with them.
I told them to just leave it alone as my doctor agreed that there's nothing else she can do. I also told them I wouldn't be purposely getting out of school just to prove a point as I want to go to a fairly competitive college soon and I've been desperately working to get the right grades. I eventually told them that my mom would never abuse me and if she was emotionally abusive towards me, she's not very good at it because I don't see it affecting me in any way.
They told me I'm just blind to the situation and need to fix my priorities.
I told them I'll always trust my mom more than them and we haven't spoken since. | It's not an a-hole thing, it's a being stupid thing. You're being stupid. Kids need medical checkups even when "nothing is wrong" with them. A lot of issues aren't obvious.
Did your doctor tell those things to you directly, that there's nothing that can be done, or are those words passed by your mother?
You're obviously getting worse, but your mother refuses to get you re-checked, even though when symptoms of the previously unknown issue are getting worse is exactly the prime time where the chances of discovering the root of the issue are increasing. |
WIBTAH If I got a new job. | I am my mom's caretaker. She is my adopted mom. I go with her to her appointments and shopping, help cook and clean and help with whatever she needs. I've even had to clean feces on multiple occasions. I decided to be her caretaker because I needed a job and she needed the help at home. My job requires that I must live with her and I cannot have any other jobs. Despite this, she makes me pay $500 a month in rent.
On January 3rd she found out I had a cat along with my brother's cat. (she already knew about his) The landlord said we couldn't keep them because of the smell. The next morning she woke me up at 7:30 am. My brother was at work at this time. She ordered us to kick out the cats and refused to drive us to a shelter. (I can't drive) I gave the cats wet food as a "final meal" of sorts. My mom called my older sister and asked if the cats were outside yet. She explained to my mom that I was taking a moment to cry. My mom responded by shouting "now" into the phone. I learned the next afternoon that the cats didn't leave the property. I've been feeding them in secret and have a kennel with a blanket hidden but accessible for them to use.
A few days ago my cousin wanted my older brother and I to get out of the house so she invited us to her apartment. My cousin asked to take us the moment she stepped in the door.SI told my mom we were leaving and asked if she needed anything. This started an argument. She claimed that I had to take care of her 24/7. This is false. Technically speaking I only work 35 hours, 5 days a week. My cousin pointed this out. My mom got upset and told me to not come back.
I returned a few hours later and helped my mom get ready for bed. While doing so she kept insisting I work 24/7. I corrected her. She got upset and told me to find a different job and she could find a new caretaker. She's been switching between mean and nice off and on.
There are a few other reasons I want to switch jobs. I don't have a social life besides a few online friends and my family. I want to be social again. I've basically become the house maid since keeping the house clean is part of my job. My older sister and younger sister don't do what few tasks I give them. My younger brother helps when he can but he's usually busy. If I decide not to clean, nothing gets done.
The final reason is an incident from one of her hospital stays. I don't get paid while she's in the hospital. She knows this. Despite this I stay with her in the hospital the whole time. I occasionally go on walks to a nearby store while she takes a nap but that's about as long as I leave her. I sleep on my side, back facing her. One night I was still awake but she must've thought I was asleep. A nurse came in to check her vitals and asked if I was her granddaughter. My mom clarified I was her daughter and caretaker but sheaclaimed that I only did it first the money. The next day I acted like I heard nothing. While helping her cut her food she told me she was extremely grateful for me. I can't get this moment out of my head.
I've been talking to my older brother and cousin. They've been telling me this entire time to quit and get a new job. I'm applying for jobs now. I know it'll be what's best for me. Despite this I still feel bad for my mom. I still have the urge to take care of her. I don't know who will take my place. I'm also worried that even with my new job I'll still be responsible for keeping the house clean because I've already taken on that responsibility. I'm scared to get a new job,eexplain to her and my employer why I'm quitting. I know she'll call me ungrateful and try to make me feel more guilty than I do. I don't think I'm prepared for it. I feel selfish. | NTA. She already said she'd get another caretaker so let her. Get another job and move out as quickly as you can. |
AITAH for being too scared to cut off a guy i dated for 3 weeks and haven't told my friends? | hello, I 21 F and the guy I dated for 3 weeks 24 M met on bumble, he seemed really nice and caring at first, we went on a few dates, but he kept love bombing me a ton on the dates we went on. He kept buying me so many gifts (mostly one piece stuff) and taking me out to dinner and such. It all felt too much during the time but I did pay for some of my own stuff I wanted, I didn't suck on him like a leach for his money. I also asked to keep the relationship completely platonic since I had traumatic things happened in the past, so anything more than cuddling and kissing was off limits for me.
Then on week 3 I slept over at his place he does live with his family so I wasn't too scared to stay a night with him. It wasn't a good idea since my guts kept feeling like it huge spiral of sickness, I completely ignored my guts and went anyway. Which lead to him insisting on doing it - the big S, which I didn't feel comfortable doing at all. I kept telling him no a lot, but it seemed get into his head for awhile, took him awhile to actually respect it and let it go.
I went straight home in the morning, and told him he made me really uncomfortable, I told my friends what happened and they all told me to just cut him off. I know I should've but the thought of him coming to where I live or my work place to do something drastic or guilt tripping me has been keeping me from not cutting him off. I'm afraid if I do, it'll be something I would regret, and his family is close to him where they think we're going some where in the future. He pushed my boundaries where I don't see a future with him.
This morning I gotten a steam message from his brother saying that "he misses me heavily" and it just makes me feel like I'm just making it worse later on for me. The thing is I have to unfriend him on so many socials where if I forget one I would get floods of messages where it'll make me feel terrible that I cut someone off for pushing my boundaries.
My friends think I cut him off for good, but I still have him added on most of my socials, am I the A - hole for being too scared to cut him off and not telling my friends? (sorry if my grammar is bad, it's late and i'm tired) | I’m going to hold your hand while I say this: You seem really stupid - like a danger to yourself level stupid.
You don’t have to be. Block him -return his shit and listen to your friends.
ESH |
AITAH for setting a bed time for my BFs kid. | To preface, my BF (40M) has an 8 year old son. We are planning on moving in together in 1 months time and I(29F) have a good relationship with the son. Lately, his 8 year old has been complaining about being depressed, which is an intense word for such a small kid. Up until this point I have not put much input into my BFs parenting. My BF and I have spoken alot about how he lets his kid go to bed between 11 pm-1 am on school nights, eating loads of candy especially before bed, playing hours of video games daily and not exercising. My BF and I have peviously agreed that his son needs a better routine, bed earlier, cleaner habbits, eating less sugar and junk and getting out for more excersize. I believe these things may be contributing to the depression. That and all the changes that come with my and my BFs relationship. My boyfriend who's been struggling with parenting has told me MANY times he wants my help parenting. I have been putting in effort by cooking healthy meals for the family, planning fun activities like swimming, sledding, outside play time, and gently helping my BF parent.
The situation in question: Yesterday (Sunday) the son had less than 6 hours of sleep as they went to bed late the night before. I woke the family up at 9 am as I was getting ready for yoga. In the afternoon we went sledding and by then end of the day (4:30pm) the son was overexhausted and highly emotional. At this point I suggested an 8 pm bed time. I cooked everyone dinner, the son didn't like the first dinner so I cooked a second, then we sat down to watch a movie together. At 730 pm, his son had thrown about 8 tantrums and I said, let's watch 1 more episode of ST and then go to bed. by the end of the episode he was on another tantrum. So I turned off the TV and I said, "okay the episode is over it's bed time", it is 830 when I say this. His son started screaming at this point. I stayed calm and told him that he's clearly tired and we need to sleep. my BF told his son not to listen to me then to apologize gave his son a chocolate bar. My BF then demanded I give him the remote, turned on the TV and handed it to his son to watch YouTube. My BF and his son stayed up till MIDNIGHT, and kept me up all night making noise (it's a school night). Our bedroom is right next to the living room. Then his son woke us up again at 4 AM. The next day my BF told me that that is his son and I had no right to send his kid to bed without talking to him about it first. He also pulled his son out of school because of how traumatic this experience was. (me suggesting a bed time ) I was told by my BF that my role in this family is not to make rules. This turned into a massive argument. I do agree that the final decision should be made by the bio parent. I however feel that he should have backed me up and enforced the bed time, which was clearly needed. my argument is that their sleep schedule is now affecting my sleep, and his exhausted kid who is throwing tantrums is affecting my well being. My other point is my BF wants these rules in place but refuses to enforce them when his son throws a tantrum. Now I look like an evil stepmother for pushing for a healthier lifestyle.
Am I veiwing this totally wrong? Am I overstepping in the parent role? Idk. I'm considering that maybe I don't fit in their life and I shouldn't move in. | It sounds like you have a boyfriend problem and I would consider this relationship finished |
WIBTAH if I sold to the second-highest bidder? | I'll do my best to be clear and concise. I suppose I can edit if it comes to it. Here's the situation:
\-Recently decided to sell a misprinted trading card in a FB group known for doing so. It was auction style, with a given end date (Monday 1/5/26 at midnight). Prices were supposed to go up by $1 per bid, but buyers seemed pretty interested, so they went by 5s (neither enforced nor discouraged by me).
\-High bid at close was $25. As soon as that was determined, I DMed the winner and tagged them in a comment to let them know they won.
\-That night at 10 pm (so 22 hours later), I had not heard from them, so I sent a messaged saying if I hadn't heard back by noon the next day (36 hrs after auction close), I would be moving to the next bidder down. I will admit I may have been a bit impatient on this one.
\-Got a response at 5 am. Buyer said he would get me shipping details and send payment that day.
\-Since then, I have sent 4 messages and received no response. No address, no money sent via PayPal, nothing. I tend to do a lot of selling online (FB, Mercari, eBay, etc) so I make many trips to ship sales, and I would usually remind him on a day when I was planning to ship off that I could include his if he would get me his address and send payment.
\-Most recent message was last night (7 days after auction close) saying that I would be moving on if I didn't hear from him. Not that I am desperate for this money, but I do want to get this deal closed and done with.
So yeah, I understand not everyone is constantly on FB (honestly, good for them), and I really don't want to be a jerk, but WIBTAH if I went ahead and moved on?
Happy to update with further info if needed.
UPDATE: Thanks for swift confirmation, all. I pride myself on being kind and fair, so I wanted to make sure, but good to know others agree. | Sell to whoever you want in a way that works best for you. |
AITAH for telling my boyfriend I don't want to kiss him until he gets his gingivitis taken care of? | \*UPDATE: He finally reached out to me today and we talked about how we left things. He said it hurt his feelings really badly and made him feel gross (I never said that!)and really uncomfortable and that’s why he left. I apologized for hurting his feelings and told him I don’t think he’s gross. Then he said he was hurt that he didn’t hear from me after he left and I didn’t chase after him. I said from my side, it seemed like he dumped then ghosted me and I felt hurt and objectified by his comments about how if I don’t want to kiss him then why is he even here and he’s not my buddy etc.. he dug his heels in on that and said we’re not friends we’re boyfriend and girlfriend and we should want each other all the time.
He has a lot of past trauma from being rejected and told he’s gross. He accused me of wanting to be with someone else and setting him up to leave so I could be free because I’ve been kissing him for months and just stopped now that he told me that he had this.
Long story short, the conversation went nowhere and I told him that I’m disappointed we couldn’t find a middle ground in our discussion but I don’t think we can work with such different opinions on what happened and what a healthy relationship is.
Not that exciting but just figured I’d share if anyone wants to know.
Original post:
I have been dating someone for a few months and he recently went to the dentist and found out he has really bad gingivitis. They said it was progressing into periodontitis and they might not be able to fix it. I googled it to find out more about what was going on what treatments he could do, and I also selfishly looked up whether it is contagious.
According to Gemini, it is not contagious like a virus but, the bacteria does spread through saliva so kissing increases my chances of getting it but my immune system and hygiene can help counteract it. I am really into health and keeping my microbiome healthy so the thought of introducing that bacteria makes me feel sick. Not only that but I have a daughter who I worry will drink after me or share my utensils and increase her chances of developing it.
I told him I had learned it could spread from kissing and that I didn't feel comfortable making out until it gets cleared up and he blew up at me saying "why are we even dating?" "I don't come over here just to hang out and watch tv, I'm not your buddy!" I told him it's not like i want to break up i just want to hold off on swapping saliva for now. I still love him and care about him. I also said, relationships are supposed to be about more than just physical connections. He said he didn't even want to be here anymore and that his girlfriend doesn't want to kiss him because he has gingivitis. Then he stormed out and i haven't heard from him for 2 days now.
Am I an asshole for not wanting to make out until this got fixed? | Um… you’re NTA for not wanting a communicable gum disease.
And as for “why you’re even dating,” you really ought to give that one some thought. His first reaction should be “oh shit, you’re right, let me keep you safe while I work on my health,” not “you owe me physical intimacy regardless because you’re my girlfriend.”
Good luck. |
AITAH for thinking my roomate might be a weirdo? | So I current live in student comms, with 8 other roommates and it's been great so far it's my first time living away from home and I've only been able to legally drink since a couple months ago, there's 8 of us in this flat in total, which I will name A,B,C,D,F,G and H, for convenience, so I was the first to move into this flat, and G followed me shortly after and so did C and A they are closest to me in the flat although it is a bit awkward because C and A are Ex's and G and C are dating, so it makes it a bit awkward, but it's most fizzled down now and I'm still close with all of them. D moved in shortly afterwards and she was very friendly as well we get on very well, F moved in after that and F has become a problem for me, F is the oldest by a long shot, there are 5 years between me and F, and for whatever reason or another as time has progressed F has developed a kind of hatred and contempt for me, and I'm a bit confused about it, I have heard from almost all of my other roommates that F hates me, they call me names, they apparently hate the sound of my voice? How I look, my presence in general, I am living on my own for the first time so I'm a bit messy, they hate that, they won't even acknowledge me if I talk to them, and before hand we always thought this was because I had a boyfriend around and a joke was made and they flew off the handle, but they make the exact same jokes about C, all.the.time, and I haven't actually found a motive for this, and the more and more I think about it, the more and more it icks me out, they have openly admitted to doing porn, in the apartment, they also throw slurrs around casually, and they almost cussed a fire in the apartment because they left food in the oven and then fell asleep after I had expressed to them my discomfort with them leaving food unsupervised, I do not believe I am a loud neighbour, and even if I was they are constantly yelling at their computer, and there is one particular incident that makes me believe I maybe unsafe within the flat, apparently they have commented on my room, which yes isn't tidy but it's controlled chaos, no biohazards just clothes I haven't sorted, but they've never seen my room, and then it came out that a couple days ago, because some of us hadn't seen B in awhile and they 'couldnt be arsed to text B' they went and knocked on B's door, when no answer came F OPENED THE DOOR luckily B was not home at the time but it's considered a big no no to simply just walk into a considerably younger person's room without their knowledge or consent, I have now been locking my door and I genuinely fear a little, I'd like to clarify, F is from the US they are not from here and I cannot fathom as to what I could have done to be met with such contempt and threat in a flat like this, I'm not looking for pity, but I am looking for advice, so A
AITA | Keep your door locked. If F starts shit leave the area and say ...have a nice day. As an American ...sorry for F behavior toward you |
AITAH for Living far from family? | Okay so I am a 24yr F living in NYC with my 24yr husband. We have been together since we were 17 and got married when we were 22. We moved across the US from Colorado to NY about 1 year and 1/2 ago and my family is constantly trying to make me feel so guilty about not being close to them.
I work a full time job that I don’t have much control over my schedule but I enjoy what I do and make enough to live here comfortably. My family acts like I don’t care about them and I don’t love them anymore just because I don’t live down the road. They are constantly trying to place blame on my husband like he stole me away from them. My mother is constantly saying things like “don’t you want to live somewhere cheaper and closer to your family so you can actually establish a life and buy a house?”
They don’t seem to understand that I am extremely happy where I am and don’t want to change that. I try to visit as much as I can but I’m an adult and have a job that I can’t leave. I haven’t seen them since September and they are telling me that I’m the only person that does these kind of things and they don’t understand what they “did wrong” so am I the asshole because I’m trying to be my own person and live my life the way I want to? 😭 | What they’re doing is called “emotional blackmail”, and shame on them. Don’t entertain this BS. Simply say, “I am happy here. We are happy here. No more discussion on it.” |
AITAH for calling out weird behavior from my GF friends? | Me and my gf of about 9 months were talking while driving the other day and she mentions to me that one of her friends (an older male that is married, both the husband and wife regularly come into her work) told her that I should change my FB profile pic that they thought was me and my “ex” (it’s actually my niece). I find it weird that they would for 1. Have obviously stalked me but not sent me a friend request, and 2. find it okay to say something that could possibly be damaging to her but not me. I called it out and was upset about it and later she got mad saying she’s tired of me “talking shit” about her friends. Obviously this isn’t the first time I’ve called out weird/bad behavior but this is the first time she’s gotten mad about it. | NTA
Regardless of who is in your FB profile picture, they have no business sticking their nose into your relationship or lives. |
AITAH, why do I want to quit my job taking care of my 1-year-old cousin because I don't want to go back to taking care of my other cousin? | Disposable Account
I (f20) am going through a situation I thought I'd left behind a long time ago. To give some context (it'll be a bit long):
When I graduated high school, I decided to take a gap year to prepare my documents and save money for college. During that time, my aunt was appointed by the government as a high school teacher and asked me to take care of her 8-year-old daughter, who at the time had a mental disability, for about 5 hours a day. I accepted because I wanted to save money and help her, since she had taken care of me when I was little, and because my mother convinced me—a big mistake.
That year was one of the worst of my life. At first, everything seemed normal, but over time the situation became unbearable. My aunt is a very disorganized and unhygienic person: there were days when she didn't leave diapers or food for her daughter. Furthermore, my mother would sometimes take the money I earned with various excuses, and only rarely would she give me anything back, justifying herself with phrases like, "I'm your mother, I raised you," supported by my stepfather.
When I tried to quit that job, my mother threatened to kick me out of the house. During that year, I developed severe anxiety; I didn't want the next day to come. My cousin had constant epileptic seizures that were impossible to control, and yet, many times they wouldn't let me have her medication or only did so occasionally. On top of this, my family constantly criticized me for not taking good care of her, and I also had to clean the house, cook, take care of my younger sister, and keep up with my university assignments when they started.
In December 2024, during the Christmas holidays, I finally decided to quit that job. I had no money because my mother took it from me again, but I left anyway.
Now, moving on to the current problem: I'm currently taking care of my 1-year-old cousin (the youngest daughter of my third maternal aunt, my aunt's older sister), whom I love very much. Her mother had no one to leave her with, and the only other option was her mother-in-law, but she lives with her brother, who is a pervert, so I agreed to take care of her. Until December, everything was fine, and I had no problems.
However, when my grandmother got sick, I was again forced—without being asked—to take care of my cousin for another week. I was paid for that week, but when it was over, I made it clear to her mother that I didn't want to take care of her again. She had more than half a month (besides being on vacation) to resolve the situation, but she didn't.
This morning, without consulting me, she brought her daughter to my house and left her there. I was furious. I spoke with my one-year-old cousin's mother and told her I was quitting my job and moving in with my father because I can't stand the situation anymore and no one respects my opinion. It's worth noting that she had also told me to take care of my aunt's daughter again, knowing everything that happened and how neglectful that aunt is.
Now the problem is that my dad and my brothers are making fun of me, saying it's all my fault, that I should be taking care of both girls, and that I'm ungrateful because she "took care of me when I was little" (even though I actually took care of myself along with my brother). My mom isn't home right now, so I can't talk to her directly, but I know that if I leave, she'll try to find someone to take care of her daughter because she has other options, but they're only bothering me. Here, they have a habit of exploiting the older generation to take care of the younger ones; if you refuse, they hit you.
I'm extremely stressed about university: my degree is very demanding, and between housework, other responsibilities, and this situation, I feel completely overwhelmed and at my limit.
Am I the bad guy for not wanting to keep carrying this burden and prioritizing my mental health? | NTA - No one is owed child care. Just because they took care of you when you were little doesn't entitle them to unlimited child care from you. You get to choose who you do labor for and under what conditions.
You were nice to take care of the cousin for the week when it was kinda an emergency. She should have used that time to make other arrangements she didn't. That's her fault.
If the other aunt doesn't understand why you can choose who work for and under what conditions she isn't someone you want to work for.
Go find a job that's not related to your family. |
AITAH for refusing to give a cat back to her previous owner after adopting her? | I adopted a kitten yesterday from a young woman (earlier 20s) who had been debating for about two weeks whether she could keep the cat due to her mental health and overall bandwidth after adopting late December. Ultimately, she decided to rehome her to me after taking the two weeks to think on it. I was initially introduced to her and the cat because my friend’s coworker (the woman’s mom) asked at work if anyone knew of a good home, which is how we connected.
My partner and I already have another cat and had been intentionally looking to adopt for a few months. We brought the cat into our home and started the adjustment process just yesterday.
Less than 24 hours later, the previous owner texted asking for the cat back. I responded kindly but said we felt committed to keeping her after all the time and prep into welcoming her into our home. She reacted poorly and began begging to come pick the cat up immediately, sending numerous messages.
I feel terrible because she’s young and clearly distressed, but I’m also worried that giving the cat back so quickly would be stressful and unstable, especially since she originally wasn’t sure she could care for a cat long-term.
AITAH for saying no and keeping the cat?
| She sounds unstable. Keep kitty. Don’t stress that cat anymore |
Coach punishes me for asking questions, AITAH? | I (14M) am a member of my school's crew winter conditioning program. I talked with someone ERGing next to me to tell them not to lean back as much as they were as that can hurt their back. The head coach of the program came up behind us and asked in a very serious tone, "Why shouldn't you talk while ERGing?" I of course thought he was quizzing me for my misbehavior as I was indeed talking when I was supposed to be, so I answered, "Because it can mess up your form and distract others." The coach then snapped back and spoke to me saying, "I was telling you to shut up!" I then asked about 20 minutes later, while on a different piece, to a different coach to correct my form as I felt pain in my back. Immediately, the head coach came over, and pulled me and the two people next to me off the ERGs and made us do weighted wall sits for twenty minutes simply because 'We were talking again'. After practice I apologised to the two others but they told me I should've stayed silent. AITAH? (P.S. I also have quite a large build and am tall for my age but my voice is an octave higher than what one would expect so that may have caused misunderstanding). | NTA report your coach for bullying. That authoritarian crap belongs in the trash can. |
AITAH for not wanting to engage in society anymore? Highly educated adult with severe cognitive disabilities. | I'm going to copy and paste an part of a previous post of mine in the disability subreddit so there's no need to read my other posts, but I would recommend searching my history in the disability subreddit if you have time and reading it if you have the chance.
Excerpt for those short on time:
"I'm at a huge crossroads because I could still work on those things she \[my coach\] suggested and be so far behind compared to others that it's a non-starter at a lot of points. For example, I don't like to do presentations since I will lose my train of thought and stop talking abruptly if I try to be "performative" and project my voice or anything similar. My big kryptonite in graduate school was also when others, faculty or students, will point out everything that's wrong with what I've done (presenting, writing, etc.), but won't give me any direction afterwards to address it. Then, there's also the separate issue of whether that direction would work for me because it could intersect with a non-starter issue mentioned earlier. For example, my presentations haven't changed since the second year of my Master's program (6 years ago) because all of my suggestions were to get out from behind the podium, not have a monotone voice, use intonation, etc. I couldn't follow those suggestions given what I mentioned earlier about losing my train of thought and abruptly stopping in the middle of talking. That feedback was also when it dawned on me that neurotypicals and non-disabled folks in my cohort or in my field never have to worry about that sort of thing and are more productive because they don't have to spend time making up for those deficits. I also taught full-time at a different college and was in "overdrive" for all of the demanding executive functioning stuff that was demanded of me, mainly lecturing and grading. Realizing that and my previous full-time experience as an instructor was when I went "yeah, I have to take a different route."
...
Even if the feedback can be addressed, there's the concern of neurodivergent burnout. I've experienced it for the past year and only feel like I'm just now coming out of it as I'm putting the gears in motion for consistent daily routines among other habits (e.g., set wake up time) that will make the transition to work at the end of the month less daunting."
The rest of this post:
I sat on the comments and suggestions I got last night, especially the top commenter from my previous post and our thread, and I'm highly anxious and a bit triggered when I think about "owing it to myself" to apparently develop skills where I majorly struggled big time or I'd waste the effort put into my PhD. I was also triggered when my coach said that, even if employers understand, that it doesn't get me a job. Even as I'm writing this now, I have a fair amount of anxiety.
The whole point of my previous post is that I started so far behind running the same race as everyone else that it's not worth it and I need to take an alternative path where I don't need to reluctantly develop interview skills that require masking and would make me more uncomfortable and angry like my past experiences trying and failing, especially when it to came to teaching for me since it got worse up until the end. It could be possible that this upcoming Disability:IN NextGen Leader program will give me that path when I start at the end of this month. If that's the case, then the conversation would end here. However, I'm not sure yet.
As I'm about to work this 20 hour a week data entry job at the end of this month and the upcoming NextGen Leader program, I realize now that I'm terrified of what is seemingly progression (employment and thus program) being the opposite, just like how getting all of my degrees was for me.
This is especially bad for me since my lack of confidence is apparent with just about everyone I meet when they say that my "confidence has gone up," which implies it was low in the first place (something my first PhD advisor also said to my face before she dropped me as an advisee and I almost got kicked out of the program). So, if I ultimately don't approach things in the alternative way I want then it introduces the confidence issue in the picture, which I don't want either. Seems like I lose if I don't end up getting the alternative here. That's not mentioning that the alternative is something I'd argue is necessary for all autistic adults like me and I don't want to play by the standard rules either really.
I just want to quit engaging with society entirely. I'll leave where I'm staying with my parents right now if I have to as well. If anyone has suggestions to do so, I'd like to know. Otherwise, I'm open to hearing the perks of engaging with society. AITAH for wanting do so? I'm going through DODD sometime at the end of this month and am going to see if I can get anything lined up as far as housing goes if I qualify. | I’m highly educated and have a pretty good brain, I work in academia. I’ve been thinking about how attractive bowing out of this shit society has become of late. |
AITAH for not wanting to go on vacation with my family? | My family planned a road trip to the beach about a month in advance. I’m 23, my sister is 28, and my brother is 18. We’re the kids from my dad’s broken marriage. When my parents got divorced seven years ago, we moved to the city where my dad’s family lives. Now my dad, my siblings, and I live with my grandma (my grandpa passed away in 2020). We’re a pretty close family, and my aunts have been kind of a mother figure for my sister and me. My brother is a bit different because he grew up more apart from the family—during the pandemic my dad decided to leave my grandparents’ house, and they only came back in 2024.
So, with all that context, here’s the issue: My aunts are going on this trip with their husbands and kids, each family in their own car. My sister is going with them. The problem is that there’s no space for my grandma or for me. Their solution is that my grandma and I go by plane. The thing is: I don’t have extra money for that. I literally live paycheck to paycheck. I’m doing a postgraduate program and also have to cover medication and basic expenses. I really don’t think they’re considering this at all. I already explained my situation to my grandma, and her response was basically: *“You’re not staying here for those two weeks.”* The dates were decided without asking me, and my birthday happens to fall right in the middle of those two weeks. Did anyone ask me if I wanted to go? No. Did anyone remember it was my birthday? Also no. I’m honestly not making a big deal about that part, but it still hurts. At this point, I don’t want to go. I know they’re technically inviting us, but I don’t have the money, and I don’t want anyone else to buy my plane ticket. It’s not their responsibility, and I’d feel uncomfortable with that.
Some things that might come up:
* I don’t have a good relationship with my dad right now, and even if I did, I would never ask him for money for a vacation.
* My mom hasn’t really been in the picture since the divorce, and she’s not working right now, so that’s not an option either.
* As for my brother not going… no one has said it directly, but it’s kind of implied that he’s not included.
So, AITA for not wanting to go on this family vacation? | Vacation with the fam? A free-for-all with no room for you. You’ve got every right to sit this one out your bank account will thank you later. |
AITAH for pretending to have a huge butt | I’m a 25-year-old student girl, and this has turned into way more of a moral debate than I ever expected.
I don’t naturally have a big butt. At all. A while ago, out of curiosity and then kind of for fun, I started wearing padding around my hips and butt when I go out. Not subtle shapewear or “slightly curvier” padding, I mean very noticeable. Think exaggerated, almost cartoonish proportions. Big enough that people definitely clock me as “the girl with the huge butt.”
And yes, I know it sounds ridiculous written out like this. But here’s the thing: I enjoy it. I like the visual impact, I like how extreme it looks, and I like how confident it makes me feel. It’s almost like a style choice or a character I step into when I’m dressed like that. I’m not claiming it’s natural, but I also don’t walk around with a sign saying “THIS IS PADDED.”
Recently, this blew up when a friend noticed the padding in my home. She was shocked, then kind of angry. She said I’m being deceptive, that I’m “lying with my body,” and that people assume something about me that simply isn’t true. She compared it to real-life catfishing and said it’s unfair to others, especially women, because it pushes unrealistic body standards even further.
Some people in our friend group agree with her. Others think it’s funny or don’t care. A few have said it’s attention-seeking or embarrassing, and that I’ll regret it if people find out. For me, though, it feels no different from dramatic makeup, wigs, fake lashes, corsets, push-up bras, platform shoes, or any other exaggerated fashion choice.
I’m not scamming anyone, I’m not profiting from it, and I’m not promising anything about my body to anyone. I also don’t do this for dating apps or hookups specifically. It’s just how I present myself in public sometimes. It’s part self-expression, part confidence boost, part “why not?”
Still, the backlash has made me wonder if I’m crossing some invisible social line by going too far with it. So AITA for wearing heavily exaggerated butt padding in public and letting people assume it’s real? | An asshole? No. Is it weird? Kinda. |
AITAH for hating my brothers cat? | Ever since my brother got gifted his little-dog a couple years ago (we live under the same roof), his cat he adopted 6 years prior to the dog that he begged (simply because i got one) for at 6 got neglected. Obviously she still gets fed and hangs outside, but its become my parents responsibility (i didnt want her and my parents let my brother get her).
My cat passed away a few years ago, my dog went into depression (you dont know how lonely a dog can get when 2 of her animal friends pass) hence why my brother got a dog to keep her company.
My dog loves cats, but unfortunately my brothers dog (at the time puppy) is a adhd dog and the cat is naturally timid, his dog would try to play with the cat, lets just say the introduction didnt go well. The cat is still scared of the dog, and the dog thinks shes playing.
Where the issue lies is she spends a lot of time in my room, and often attacks my dog in the middle of the night while shes asleep (both our dogs are no bigger than the cat), scaring my dog and making her panic. She is my dog, she is not my cat, my dog comes first.
I also lock my door when im out because my brothers dog has a tendency to mark in there, meanwhile my brothers cat hides under my bed. She has had accidents in my room a few times, and its frustrating because i have to choose between the dog peeing or the cat peeing in my room. One time was while i was at my birthday lunch, she had diarrhoea, my mum blamed me saying it would have been avoidable if i hadn't locked her in (she hid under my bed so its not like i knew she was in the room), and my dad chimed in saying its either the cat or the dog that toilets in there. If it werent the cat it wouldve been the dog.
I do feel for my brothers cat, she just wants security and people, i love her cuddles, but i hate having to guess if shes going to attack or toilet somewhere. For a period of time my dog refused to sleep on my bed because she was so scared the cat would get her. If anything im frustrated at my brother for creating an avoidable situation. Call me selfish, idc, my dog and i come first. | Need more info: Who is letting the cat into your room? Does she sneak through when you go into your room? Because depending on how much effort you're putting into keeping the cat out it's between NTA and ESH. It's dangerous for both the dog and the cat for them to be around eachother given the circumstances, so you're definitely not wrong for not wanting the cat in your room. (Also title could've been worded better) |
AITAH for intentionally gaming alone | I (24M) used to be friends with A (24M) in college. We were inseparable and we did everything from hanging out to studying and gaming together. But our relationship hit a pretty hard bump in junior year (mostly my fault) so we cut contact.
We reconnected 2 years from that (so 2 years ago) and are back to being good buddies--not the day ones we used to be tho.
Since I'm 1000+ miles away, our main form of hanging out is gaming. I like gaming but gaming with him is honestly just not my vibe. Feels like theres too much pressure and that I have to 'meet his expectations'.
He was unemployed for a good chunk of 2025 and he kept messaging me to get on. I have a job and had school and honestly wanted to quit gaming (not fully but separate myself enough to sedate the addiction) so I usually declined or told him I was busy. He has a job now and I've told him that Imma be pretty busy this year as I got some other stuff to take care of so I wont be able to game with you much. He was ok with that and told me to 'grind and succeed and get off the games'. Positive feedback I thought.
Now, I got distracted last weekend and I hopped on the game for some alone time. He also happened to be online and texts me this:
A: 'Yoo! When you get back man! Lets run some'
Me: 'Yeah haha, just slacking, nah Imma get off after this one'
A: 'Why do I bother asking? It's like you don't even wanna game man. I'm tired of always fucking asking you to hop on man. Why dont you ever aske me to hop on? Next time you're on, let me know and lets run some.
I didn't respond to that. I got off the game because I was done for the night (not because of what he said). I got on again the next day and saw that he was online. I hopped off because I didn't feel like talking to him.
I get on again the next day and I'm just playing and he pings me:
A: 'How long you been playing? Why didnt you text me?
Me: "I like to play alone sometimes"
A: "Sometimes? What you means sometimes dog?
Me: "More than sometimes"
A: "All good"
Ok. I'm def not too confrontational with him because Ik that he's not shy to go low and I dont have the time for that drama rn but come on man....read the room. AITAH for telling not telling him that I dont wanna hop on the game? Or should I just be real and say that I'd rather play alone than play with him. | > come on man....read the room
Uhh... you sure it is him not reading the room?
>Since I'm 1000+ miles away, our main form of hanging out is gaming.
He wants to game (hang out) with you. You don't want to game (hang out) with him.
You are the one misreading the room.
>Feels like theres too much pressure and that I have to 'meet his expectations'.
Instead of expressing this and getting him to game in a less intense way so that you can hang out, you are just... not hanging out with him. Since gaming together is the main way you hang out, from his perspective you are just ducking him, which is a dick move. |
AITAH because I don't care about my friend's discomfort? | I have this friend who has a history of attention seeking behavior. I'm going to call him Chris. Chris noticed yesterday that my girlfriend was wearing jeans that didn't actually fit (had to wear a belt to keep them up and roll up the cuffs) and a t-shirt that I frequently wear. Chris asked me if my girlfriend was wearing my clothes. I told him she was.
Chris asked me why she didn't just keep clothes at my place so we weren't advertising to people what we were doing last night. I said that she likes wearing my clothes, and I like that she wears them to. It's sort of our thing. He asked what I meant by "our thing" and if "thing" was a "sex thing." I said "sometimes" is a light-hearted tone, but he was annoyed.
Chris said we have no right to be engaging in such behavior in public and that we didn't have the consent of all the bystanders. I said he was being ridiculous. It's jeans and a shirt. Oh, so scandalous. He said some people might be uncomfortable. I said there was no way. He said he was uncomfortable.
I said I thought we were past the point of telling women what to wear. He said this was completely different. I said I don't care that he's uncomfortable. People can wear what they want to wear, and he needs to get over it.
The main reason I think I'm an asshole is that if anyone else said this to me I would want to hear them out and understand their position. I ignored Chris basically because he always has a complaint and I'm sick of it. Did I dismiss him unfairly? Was I being an asshole? | why tf are you friends with this person lol
NTA |
AITAH Leaving for work | I (25 f) had to leave my husband (28 m) for 3 and a half weeks for a work training. The problem? He had a broken foot. This was during month 2 after the break and right after a follow up saying he was healing up well and should be back to light weight bearing the following month. I had to choose going to the work training and leaving him home for 3.5 weeks or not getting the job (a job I've worked towards for 10+ years). I made sure the dogs were set up for boarding if he felt overwhelmed while I was gone and I spent the entire week before I left cooking and freezing a bunch of meals he requested so he didn't even have to cook. He has also been able to drive and had both a knee scooter and crutches at this point and was pretty ambulatory. His parents also came out for a week in the middle of me being away. Now that I'm back he keeps saying I "left him when he needed me most". AITAH? | When he needed you most was right after the break, not two months later. |
AITAH for being upset about my dad making me drive all the time? | i (17 f) currently live with my dad, i’ve had my permit for a few years and got my license a year week ago, whenever we go out anywhere my dad makes me drive, (for a few months now) at first i didn’t mind because i liked driving, but what he does is he goes on his phone the whole time while im driving, so he’s not paying attention to what im doing and yells and me and gets mad at me the whole time for doing stuff im not doing, like the other day i turned at a light and went 17 mph and he said i was going too fast 💀… and just stuff like that, and also what he does is he gets mad at me for not knowing where everything is and asking him where to go, like the other day i was literally in a town i dont live in and barely go to, and i asked him where to go and he got mad and said something is wrong with me and i needed help because i didnt know the directions 😭, and its literally like every day i drive, and since i got my licensee now i have to do things like pick up my brother from school and stuff, which i know isnt a big deal, but it just adds onto everything else, and what really bothers me is he doesn’t give me a choice not to, like he’ll be like “so your driving right?” and i’ll be like “no i don’t feel good” and he’ll be like “so your driving?” and i’ll be like “i just said no, i don’t want to” and he’ll be like “okay so your driving” then sits in the passenger seat, and the other day we went to costco and the whole time inside i felt super nauseous and sick, and dizzy, and after we left i explained that to him and said i didn’t want to drive, he made me anyways, and i got pulled over for pulling out infront of someone, because i felt sick and wasn’t able to pay full attention, he then made me drive after i got pulled over, we were gonna go to a movie, and i told him i wasn’t going to drive home because i felt sick and was stressed out, and he got mad and made me sit in the car while him and brother went and watched the movie because of it 😭,
idk i know i may seem unreasonable but i used to love driving and now i dread it and hate it sm, he keeps making me drive at night as well which i hate and im not good at, idk. | NTA. Your dad is insanely selfish. You've finally gotten to the age where you can be "useful" to him, and he's taking advantage of your compliance. |
AITAH for wanting a birthday party? | My birthday is December 29th, which I know is unfortunate for the people in my life. Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot I can do about that. Growing up quite poor, I never got a birthday party and of course the few gifts we got for Christmas were also my birthday presents. Back then, I knew it sucked but I also knew the circumstances and never mentioned it, never made a big deal about it, never got upset. My mom was doing the best she could.
Now, I’m a whole ass adult with a job, a house, two kids, and husband. I have been married for 3 years (been together 8+). My husband has half-assedly tried a couple times to do something for my birthday but it always kind of falls apart. Or there was the year he gave me a Roomba (that I did not ask for) for my birthday. I told him that hurt and was sad and it turned into a weeks-long fight basically culminating in me being deemed ungrateful. Maybe I was. But I also did not ask for $1,000 vacuum but his reasoning was that HIS dog shed so much I wouldn’t have to sweep/vacuum as much.
In 2024, my husband turned a new decade. He was also graduating from the fire academy the same week so I threw him a huge grad/bday party that took months to plan and cost me at least $1,000 of my own money. I also bought him a $700 Garmin watch as his gift. His birthday is in August. He didn’t seem very grateful for the time, effort, and money I spent so I had to ask him if he liked the party and I received a “yeah it was good”. He very much liked the watch and was surprised as I’d seen him searching for used ones on eBay but decided they were too spendy. He had no idea I knew.
When my birthday rolled around in December, also the changing of a decade, he asked me a week before my birthday “what do you wanna do for your birthday?”. I told him that it’s kinda late to start planning now given that people travel for the holidays and you can’t just drop a birthday party on them last minute because no one will come. Earlier in the year (Sept/oct maybe?), I had suggested having a bday/NYE party. Apparently that didn’t stick. So on the night of my “party” it was us, two of my friends, and two of his friends. I don’t know if he invited anyone else. Needless to say, I was very disappointed and hurt and I let him know that. On my actual birthday, he had to work. He was gone and our kids didn’t acknowledge my birthday at all (they were 16 and 12 at the time). I also had to work half the day which made it extra crummy. I went to bed crying and feeling completely unloved until my mom called to tell me happy birthday. At least she remembered, but who could forget squeezing out a 10 lb baby drug free?! When we talked about it later, he promised he was going to give me a summer half-birthday party to make up for it. On June 29th, nothing had been said so I asked him when my half birthday party was, pretty much knowing the answer was “never”. His response was “oh did you still wanna do that? We can plan it; it’s not too late”. Well, I was pretty hurt that he forgot and then expected me to plan it so I told him not to worry about it, maybe next time.
After that I vowed to myself I wouldn’t throw him another party. But when his birthday rolled around, I didn’t have the heart to do that. He was just getting off of FF probation so I really wanted to celebrate all his hard work. He is a fan of self-deprecating humor so I planned a roast for him with all our friends. It took an exceptional amount of thought and planning, and it was a surprise, but I pulled it off and he loved it. I even managed to get some friends there that he didn’t expect to make it.
So now, I’m thinking I must be getting a great birthday this year. Wrong. ONE DAY before my birthday, he texted my closest friend and my sister asking if they wanted to come over for dinner in two days. He hadn’t brought up my birthday at all during December, so I planned a NYE party in the meantime. I guess as a backup? I don’t know. So on my birthday he tells me that my sister and friend are coming over for dinner on the 30th and that is my “party”. I told him the same two people would be at NYE so it would be silly to ask them to come over two nights in a row and that we should have my “birthday” on NYE since our friends will be there too. He said okay and canceled my sister and friend for the 30th.
NYE comes, we have people over from 8-1am. As people are beginning to leave, he pulls a cake out of the fridge and tries to get people to sing to me but they are all drunk and trying to leave. No one really wants to sing and I’m sitting there super embarrassed. A few people were like “oh it’s your birthday?” As they’ve never been invited to anything for my birthday so they had no idea. Mind you, these are the same friends who have been to his parties th last two years. I even made a joke about no one knowing my birthday because I never get a celebration at the roast. He didn’t even buy candles and had to dig around our junk drawer to find leftover ones. No one ate the cake as we’d been snacking and drinking all evening. It sat in the fridge for days. Additionally, the kids, now 17 and 13, did absolutely nothing. No card, nada. This is every year with them which is crazy because I always make sure they do/make something for their dad, step dad (my husband), and step mom (whose birthday is Dec 30).
After the holiday dust settled, I let him know (again) how much that hurt; that I felt very unimportant and unloved. I asked him what he was thinking when he decided not to do anything for my birthday and he said “I was thinking about money and that people would be over for NYE anyway”. We are not struggling…things are tight because of the cost of everything these days but we have no debt except one tiny car payment and our reasonable mortgage. He is a firefighter in California and I am a nurse (although I only work PT right now, but I was a photographer before and did quite a few photo shoots this fall and gave him every dime I made to go toward bills). We did not exchange Xmas gifts (my request) and decided to only do stockings for the kids this year. Family and friends got homemade sourdough and homemade butter. All that to say, I pinched pennies in every way I could to make sure we didn’t end up in the hole after Xmas.
He thinks I need therapy because I am so hurt by this. And when the topic comes up, it’s a million reasons why he made the choices he did, and eventually a half-ass apology (sorry you feel that way). I told him specifically it hurts that he said it was because of money because that feels like an attack on my working part time even though that was a mutual decision (I made more than him before but I was insanely stressed out and we never saw each other). I also pointed out a party doesn’t need to be expensive. A few Costco pizzas, a cake, and a case of beer would cost less than $100, and if we were REALLY broke, he could spend $20 and just get a cake and have friends come over after dinner time. Obviously this is not the case.
Am I being an asshole by still thinking about this? I have tried to let it go but at the end of the day, it just makes me feel very unimportant, especially since I plan his and the kids’ birthdays with great care every year (the kids have Oct/Nov bdays). I know it seems bratty but I really don’t expect a lot and it seems like the bare minimum is just too much. We have never even gone out to dinner for my birthday, except for once while we were traveling so we had no choice. I never ask for gifts, I would just like to spend time with my friends and family and maybe feel loved for a day. I definitely thought this was him being an asshole but the more I think about it and the more him and I hash it out, he’s starting to convince me that I am the asshole. | My birthday is also December 29 so I understand how you feel. As an adult, I learned to match energy with how people dealt with my birthday. If they said here’s your Christmas present and it’s your birthday present too, I responded the same way on their birthday. If asked directly, I told them I don’t care if it’s a piece of gum just make it a separate present. I also started buying myself presents which I wrapped and opened on my birthday. OP, you show people how to treat you. By allowing yourself to be treated like an afterthought and then going all out for the people who treat you this way on their birthdays, you are contributing to your own misery. |
AITAH for being upset with my father in law? | My family and I are currently in Ecuador visiting my FIL after my wife did not see him for 35 years. The why of the time delta isn't the point of this post, the circumstances are too mamy to go into here, but my current situation has reached a breaking point.
My wife and I have a 5yo son who has significant behavioral issues because she consistently gives him sugar-filled snacks and drinks, they make him hyper, and he acts out. He also does not eat meals regularly because he is consistently filling up on snacks - this has been a point of contention since he started eating solid foods.
He refuses to eat most of his meals and demands ice cream, candy, cake, etc and knows that he will eventually get it at some point in the day because someone will always give it to him. He has become so combative at meals that he and my wife have turned most meals into a battle zone where she is constantly fighting him (she gets annoyed and raises her voice and he shouts back, then he often hits her - again, hyper on sugar, but still unacceptable and I reprimand him every time); she then puts him on the "naughty mat" and has even spanked him (something I am firmly against because responding to violence with violence only serves to validate the behavior and sets a very poor example).
He eats so much sugar that a doctor back in October said he needs to stop eating sugar-filled food for at least six months. He was eating candy again the next day. He has had a number of cavities as well. Still, I'm villified.
Since arriving in Ecuador, my FIL has at every turn openly defied me saying no sweets and given him candy, bought him ice cream, and looked at me like I'm the AH when I say no. My wife has sided with him and called me a Nazi over my desire for him to simply eat healthier.
He has also repeatedly picked us up in an SUV that has no seatbelt in the back seat despite me saying that we should never travel in a vehicle where a 5yo child does not have one. His response was "but the laws are different here." I told him I could care less about the law and care only about my son's safety.
I have been mostly passive for the two weeks we have been here but reached my breaking point today. He, of course, showed up in the SUV with no seatbelt for my child - the solution was for him to sit on my lap in the front seat sharing my seatbelt. That is far from acceptable.
We then go to his house for lunch and my son, of course, refuses to eat actual food and my wife loses her mind. She dragged him to the bathroom threatening to spank him, with me saying "you better not hit him" and instead proceeded to yell at him because he wouldn't sit still on the toilet while she kept yelling at him - repeating that his time in the room would keep resetting until he sat still for five minutes - even threatening to leave him there overnight without us there. He was scream crying when I went to get him.
I told him not eating is a choice, but that also means he has no room for any snacks or sweets and he would not again eat until dinner time.
Then, we go into town - again in that SUV. For most of the ride there, my wife yelled at and insulted me - also insulting me in Spanish to her father - because I was concerned for my safety going to a coastal town where an American was kidnapped only weeks ago and held captive until a six-figure ransom was paid for his release. But, I'm the AH for worrying about being the only non-Ecua person in the group - a 6ft tall, Irish-American guy who speaks enough Spanish to get by but isn't going to fool anyone into thinking he is Ecuadorean. My safety is a legitimate concern outside the mountains, where it is genuinely safe and I am fine.
As soon as we go into town, he begins demanding ice cream and my FIL insists on buying it for him. That's when my wife called me a nazi. We then go to a coffee shop and they order hot chocolate and a nutella and chocolate ice cream covered waffle for him.
I got up and walked outside for five minutes to calm down. When I went back, I was told it was given to them by accident and that they weren't going to give him any of the waffle - despite me hearing FIL say it was for he and my son to share.
Additionally, I had a work call that I said was at 5pm, we were running so late I had to take it in the car - driving through the Ecuadorean countryside with terrible mobile reception.
I snapped. I didn't yell, but I slightly raised my voice in expressing my frustration with being constantly undermined and ignored - I've also been guilted into eating unhealthy things while trying to manage my cholesterol, and my wife has complained to me about them badgering her to do and eat things she doesn't want to - and how he is my son and if I say he needs to eat healthier that he will eat healthier.
My wife then began to berate me on the ride back to the house, telling me that I am not allowed to be upset, that I am overreacting, and that I embarrassed my FIL because everyone in the town knows who he is. Amazing how she doesn't care about why I am upset, rather just that I embarassed a man who has undermined me at almost every turn.
I tell her that I am on a work call and she continues berating me. I then end up on the call, with them talking as loudly as possible before we get to the home and are stuck standing outside (me with a brand new MacBook Pro - a great look outdoors in a developing country) for the gate to be unlocked before we finally get inside.
I perhaps could have been a bit calmer when I saw my son sitting in front of that waffle and drinking hot chocolate; but, I feel like an island. He cares very little about anything I have to say and I am more or less ignored by him when explaining why I object to some of these behaviors.
TBF, my FIL has gone out of his way to make us feel welcome and is a genuinely nice guy, I have repeatedly thanked him for anything he has done since we arrived, but his blatent disregard for my expressed concerns over my son's safety and sugar intake have pushed me too far.
Am I wrong here? | ETAH. A trip is not the time to start life changing dietary plans. They have not been in effect because your wife doesn't care so trying to enforce them on a trip is just the wrong time. As for your son and wife. If your not on the same page as your wife as far as your sons diet it's not going to work. Your wife doen't respect you. She goes around you and gives into your son and he sees this so he knows he can yell until he gets his way. He doesn't respect you either.
You got a lot more problems than your sons diet. Not that it doesn't sound like a big one. |
AITAH for driving the speed limit? | I’m a younger adult female driver, I’ve been driving for about 3 1/2 years and everyone (including my parents) tell me I’m a good driver. I passed my test with a 99 and I’ve literally never hit anything with my car…until last November. I was rear-ended by a distracted driver on a busy freeway and my car was totaled. it wasn’t that bad but my car was old and it didn’t take much to total it, that really sucked since I loved that car but it’s been a couple months and I got another car with the insurance money. Anyways I used to be really confident on the freeway, I’d go in the left lane only to pass and speed with the flow of traffic like you’re supposed to, but now I’m like traumatized. I have to take the freeway to college twice a week there and back so four times a week and I’m not terrified of the freeway, but It scares me everytime I see brake lights or everytime I come up on a blind curve. I’ve been staying in the right lane going 60-65 mph (the posted speed limit is 60) but I’m always being passed or tailgated which makes me want to speed up but I’m scared I’ll go too fast and hit the person in front of me. I’ve been giving so much following distance I bet a semi could cut me off and I’d be fine. I don’t think it’s a huge issue since I’m in the right lane I never go in any other lane now, I just hate driving like a grandma and wondering what other people are thinking? Should I stay off the freeway for a bit (would add a lot too my commute) or should I start exposure therapy and try driving like I used to? Also am I in the wrong or am I posing a threat to other drivers? | NTA!! Keep doing you! Don't worry about what the other drivers think. Think about all of the money you're saving by not getting tickets. 🙂 |
WIBTAH for not wanting my dad daughter at my gender reveal | Am I the asshole? Long story short, my dad's daughter from a previous marriage and I no longer talk because years ago I was in a really bad spot where I moved to Colorado to live with her and turn my life around. Within the 10 days I was there she was talking shit about me to my other sister and accusing me of stealing her stuff. I had my own money and things, so I didn't need hers. I left without letting them know for about 2 months until I finally told my mom I was back in town.
Last year she started problems with an ex best friend of mine, saying stuff that wasn't true. A few months ago we found out we're expecting, and we're having a gender reveal. They want her to be there, but I refuse because she hasn't apologized or tried to talk to me. Now she wants to be part of my life, but I don't want my child around someone who disrespects me and causes problems.
My dad wants her to be there, but at the end of the day it's my decision. I don't want her at my gender reveal. Am I the asshole for not wanting my dad's daughter there? | NTA.
It’s your gender reveal. Invite whoever you want.
Plus you are pregnant, you def don’t need the stress from the family over this. |
WIBTAH If I (17F) told my boyfriend (16M) about his suicidal ideation | Hello, I’ll get right into it. I’ve been dating my boyfriend, Cal (fake name) for almost 2 years (will be next month). I know that we’re still teenagers in high school and there’s a small chance we’ll make it in the real world, but despite that we’ve wanted to be as mature as possible. However, both me and Cal have both struggled with a handful of mental issues. For me, I suffer from CPTSD, major depressive disorder, anxiety, ADHD and autism. All of this has been medically diagnosed. I suspect that he has at least major anxiety and depressive disorders. Recently, we’ve been in a rough patch. Because of how long we’ve been together, we’ve just been comfortable and following the same routine, even talking about half as much as we used to. Now onto what happened.
I got back from therapy earlier today and I sent him a long paragraph about what I talked about and how I’m a different person now, which means I require different things in the relationship. I asked him if he could provide this, and everything spiraled out of control. With confrontation, he’s always struggled with it, and resorts to suicidal ideation as an escape. I know this because I did this exact thing. He admitted that he doesn’t think he can provide all of that because he’s failed at everything enough. After I talked him down off of the ledge, after some tears were shed, we were able to clear our heads and have a civil discussion where he thinks he can do this and we agreed to both work on stuff.
However, this whole situation has caused me to worry about him, and I want to speak up about it to his parents. He isn’t in therapy, and the last time he was, his parents were weird about it. But I worry about his safety, and I want him to have a safe space to express everything that he is feeling. Would I be the a-hole if I told his parents?
Edit: I should state that he wasn’t weaponizing his emotions to manipulate me. His mental health has been an ongoing problem for years, and it’s gotten a bit worse as of recently. What happened today is more about context as to why his blow up happened. I don’t think it’s manipulation either because I’ve done the same thing (blown up during confrontation), unless I was unknowingly manipulating someone. But he never said “I’ll harm myself if you do this or that” it was a lot of negative self talk, but once things calmed down, we were able to talk like we’d usually do.
THE PROBLEM that I’m asking about is if I would be the a-hole if I were to tell his parents about his worsening mental health and his suicidal ideation, NOT about the situation that occurred. | NAH. You're kids. You don't need to deal with this drama. Break up. |
AITAH For cancelling on a my overburdened friend | My friend has had many significant life events happen over the past three years (including multiple deaths in her family, a separation, and family drama/chaos). I have routinely done my very best to show up for her in every way possible - whether it’s by spending time with her in person, offering a shoulder to cry on, and am always a phone call away.
I’ve recently noticed that she only confirms plans at the very last second, which I find very stressful. There are times I don’t know what we’re going to do until 2 pm the day we’re supposed to meet, and we will have plans to meet at 2:30 pm. I have also noticed that I am consistently the one travelling to see her, but she has been out to my part of the city once in the 8 years of our friendship. When I have brought this up, she comments on how much more there is to do in her part of the city. Over the past year, it has become increasingly difficult to set concrete plans. When I suggest specific locations and activities to do (and I always follow it up with “I’m open to suggestions” because I want to make sure we do something that’s of interest to both of us), she answers by saying the area she wants to meet in and texts me with less than an hour’s notice before we’re supposed to meet for our confirm plans. I’ve told her I need more notice, since I need time to commute, but this behaviour hasn’t changed. Recently we were supposed to hang out, and tbh, setting it up was a nightmare. She was difficult to reach, and when we eventually did connect, I would suggest an idea and she would come back with something that was near her neighbourhood. When I asked to meet somewhere that was the she eventually agreed to meet me in an area of town that was halfway between our neighborhoods. I texted her the morning we were supposed to meet to confirm plans, as we were supposed to meet at 1:30 pm, but had no confirmed specific location. For context, I knew the area we would be meeting in, but we hadn’t chosen a cafe. By 1:10 pm I still hadn’t heard from her, so I texted to say we would have to reschedule. She texted me at 1:30 (the time we were supposed to meet) asking if we could meet later in the afternoon and I replied that I couldn’t because I had other commitments later in the day.
She eventually apologized, and I accepted her apology. I respectfully told her I was disappointed that the day hadn’t worked out because we hadn’t confirm plans and said that in the future, we need to confirm sooner so that I can have time to commute and to do the other things I need to do in my day-to-day schedule; I also asked her for her future schedule so we could try to find an alternative date for us to hang out. She then told me she had been flexible and that she was disappointed with me. When I asked her to explain her perspective, she told me she valued our friendship and that she looked forward to our next hang, without setting a date.
I’m very frustrated with this friendship and feel like my time and patience is being taken for granted. I feel like I’m on standby when we try to make plans, and like a jerk for having boundaries with my time. I understand that she has a lot happening in her life right now (for context, she’s currently planning a memorial) and I have reached out to check in on her and to see how she is doing. I try to be empathetic and understanding, but as of late I feel like I’ve been taken for granted. I feel like TAH because I understand she has limited bandwidth right now, but I would like a friend that responds to my messages and honours the plans we make. AITAH? | No your not the jerk. Honestly there’s only one way to keep your friendship and boundaries. Tell her that if she doesn’t confirm within “X amount of time” before plans without a DAMN good reason like “just waiting for boss to confirm schedule” then DONT GO! tell her your sorry but since she hasn’t confirmed you can’t go because you have other commitments.
It sucks that’s she’s going through all of that but everyone deals with these things and it doesn’t have to stop them from actually hearing their feelings! Are you the one that pays for food? Are you often the first one to text? |
AITAH for wanting to keep kitchen and living room clear of stuff? | Me and my roommate (we are sisters) have been having this argument for a while now. I am a bit of a clean freak and like things to be put away and the kitchen and living room to be tidy. I don’t like when there are a bunch of miscellaneous things on the kitchen island. Our space is very small and when it starts feeling cluttered it stresses me out. My roommate is the opposite and likes things out where she can see them. She has adhd and executive disfunction and has mentioned it is easier for her to see everything when it is laid out. Our argument right now is about her wanting to leave her work bag, lunch box,drinks, lunch,keys, and cards out together on the kitchen island and stool every evening before she goes to bed so she can see it all and remembers to grab everything before she leaves for work every morning. She leaves at like 7am for work so before I wake up but puts everything there when she gets back at around 5. I suggested her leaving that stuff in her room rather than taking up the shared space but she says her room is to messy for that.I think if it’s a shared space that means we should keep it clean, if we are using the kitchen or living room obviously our things are going to be out, but when we are done we should move that stuff back to our room or in its designated spot. She feels that because it’s a shared space we both should just be able to leave things out where we want. I can’t tell if I’m in the wrong here because I see where she is coming from with having things closer to the door so she can leave for work easier but I’ve also tried suggesting leaving the keys on the hook by the door and finding an area in the kitchen to leave the lunch supplies and keeping the work bag in her room but she says I’m being controlling for making it an issue. The issue isn’t just the leaving out the work bag, it is also other things like leaving mail out, notebooks, clothing, etc out on the kitchen island and chairs. When I clean the apt each day , if she isn’t actively using those things that were left out I move them back to her room.She gets mad at me for touching her stuff and not being able to find it after which I do understand. But I also don’t know what the solution is because if I don’t move it it’s just going to sit there until she ever feels like moving it. And if I mention can you put that away she says she’ll “do it later”or no just leave it out. Like do I just live my life around her things? Idk it’s frustrating on both sides but AITAH?
| YTA. Live alone. |
AITAH for hiding sodas from my partner | I live with my partner of about 10 years. Marriage isn’t something I’m interested in, but suffice to say we’re both locked in.
Now, my partner loves fizzy drinks. OliPop, la croix, cokes- doesn’t matter as long as it fizzes. I, on the other hand, enjoy 2 max fizzy drink per month. Specifically, sprite with pizza is one of them. Whenever there’s a pizza I need to have a sprite with it. It’s just not the same without- can’t explain why. So I bought the mini cans as they’re the perfect amount and then I’d always have them on hand. I had 1 and my partner drank the rest, and though I explained that I like to have them on hand she didn’t understand what the big deal was. They were in the home and she wanted something fizzy and that she’d replace them.
She replaced them a few days later but then started drinking them again. I didn’t say anything. I hid 3 of the mini cans. I knew that if she knew they were in the house she’d drink them.
FF to last week. I got a 6-pack of mini ginger ales as my stomach has been a bit off lately. I left them on the counter since she knew they were bc I wasn’t feeling well. I only drank 3. Well, after I got out of bed the next day and she was at work- I only saw 2 left. Which means she drank one. So, again, I hid the remaining 2.
I’ve discussed why this is not only annoying but hurtful and she still does not respect it. If it’s in our home she sees it as fair game.
So really- am I wrong for wanting to have a lil soda every now and again without having to make a trip to the store? How can I make this better if I can? | She left you two and you drink max 2 a month. I think you’re overreacting a bit |
AITAH for believing my friend set an unfair boundary? | Okay, first of all I want to say I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about modern “boundaries” used as a healing tactic. I understand modern therapy promotes cutting people off as an act of self care or protection. But as someone who grew up in relationships as a kid where my friends would give me the silent treatment until I relented to their ideas, that’s what some people’s “boundaries” feel like to me.
I have been best friends with a girl we’ll call Kate for five years now. It’s been some of the best years of my life and we work together incredibly well. Some background info - I’ve suffered from major anxiety disorders since the age of three stemming from familial issues and a rough childhood. Kate has difficulty expressing love and is very extroverted. She wants the most amount of fun in her life with the least amount of emotional ties if that makes sense. Sometimes I describe the way she interacts with people as a vacuum. She’s super fun but she’ll suck all the fun up and then she’s immediately on to the next thing.
I admit that I can be VERY emotionally needy. I think some people think this is a bad thing, which it can be, but I’m learning this is just part of having words of affirmation as your love language. I need affirmation that I’m needed and loved a lot sometimes. And Kate also has ADHD where she’ll hyper-fixate on things for an extended period of time, and she will put everything off to have this one thing. Whether it be a friend, a boyfriend, Spider-Man, or a club. She’ll hyper-fixate and then drop it for the next thing later.
Anyway, Kate is one of my favorite people in the whole world and these issues we both have had never posed a significant threat to our friendship. But problems started in the summer of 2025. Kate and I were both part of an organization we felt wasn’t fitting our needs anymore and becoming toxic, so Kate told me she was ready to move on and I agreed. We promised each other that we’d find a new place together and we started trying out new groups. I left for camp one week in the summer where I was challenged to not use my phone. During this week Kate texted me then she had hung out with a friend (we’ll call her Sue) and they’d ended up trying out this group together. She texted me and said she loved it and wanted me to try it out with her, but Sue would be there too.
- now Sue… she’s not a good person. Kate tells me she’s trying to change but in the past Kate has had to cut Sue off because her behavior was dragging her down. Sue is not a close friend of Kate’s I’d say. Just a long standing person in Kate’s life who is also extroverted and asks to hang out a lot. And Kate won’t say no to fun after a certain point. I just try to avoid Sue for my own safety from the things I’ve heard and seen about her. So I wasn’t completely comfortable visiting this group if Sue was now a permanent member of it.
I came back from the camp and this group they’d joined was all Kate would talk about. We’d had plans to hang out when I got back but she canceled for a meeting they were having. She’d been in this group for one week and she was already going to every meeting and get together, putting me farther back in her to dos. It felt hurtful and honestly I felt replaced and abandoned since she’d promised to find a group with me and ended up finding one with Sue. And this was not the first time Kate had gotten obsessed with something and made me feel irrelevant. This same behavior had happened multiple times in the past and always left me feeling very unstable and anxious.
I ended up leaving town and going to another state for most of the summer to get away and see old friends. While I was gone my communication with Kate was limited for a lot of reasons. For one I was still hurting and coping with the fact she was becoming badly hyper-fixated again, and also my friends I was visiting told me they felt uncomfortable when I was on my phone having separate conversations with Kate (which is something to unpack another time. I just decided to respect their wishes and talk to Kate less) Kate NEVER shows her true feelings and the only times I’ve seen her cry is when she was having knee surgery. Unbeknownst to me, my slower responding had a huge impact on her and hurt her a lot. She never told me though and I’d assumed she was having plenty of fun with Sue.
I came home and still felt like the group was taking over Kate’s life and there was no room for me. I was always canceled on and any time I’d try to plan something, she was already busy with the organization. I ended up feeling unwanted and worried id end up in the same spot I’d been in the last couple times Kate had been hyper-fixated and forgotten about me. I had a conversation saying I felt like I needed space for part of the summer and wanted to be mature and healthy about it. But the way she was always talking about the group was making me feel invisible. She told me I was making ultimatums and felt very offended by my confession and that’s when she informed me that I’d hurt her with my lack of communication when I was out of state. I felt really bad and dropped my want for space and never asked about it again.
But things kept getting worse… the more I felt abandoned and unimportant, the more I felt like I needed affection or affirmation. Kate is not affectionate, and unfortunately my second love language is physical touch. I’d need a hug because I was overwhelmed, or I just needed some kind of reminder that I was her best friend and she loved me. I’d express my need and feelings and most of the time she’d make me feel selfish for asking. This made me feel even less secure and I’d try to pull her close in other ways. Without realizing it I was constantly looking for validation, fear driving me to always worry I wasn’t enough or important.
Things really got hard for me because Kate started lying about weird things, and she became more closed off without telling me why. - one thing about Kate is she’d always tell anyone who’d listen what she had to do that day. It was so funny actually. Since she had ADHD, she’d recite everything on her to do list so much that by the time school ended, almost everyone knew where she’d be for the rest of the day. - I realized she wasn’t telling me everything like she used to. I asked about the lies I’d catch her in and she’d say she didn’t know why she was lying in the first place, it just happened. I started confronting her about all these things, trying to have conversations where I’d pour out my heart to her. Kate doesn’t like emotions so the conversations would end up with me being vulnerable and Kate feeling squashed by my emotions but never expressing her own. While I was feeling distance and panicking because of it, she was moving farther away because of my anxiety and nitpicking. I bet she felt like she couldn’t breathe around me sometimes, but I truly felt like I was trying to put the summer behind us and build the relationship back up.
Finally Kate went to a therapy session to deal with her stress and she ended up talking about our friendship issues. The problem is that the session was only an hour long and the therapist only had time for one session. She was backed up for the next few months. So a lot of the therapy session was giving tools to quickly fix issues in Kate’s life, but not giving rhyme or reason to dynamics. Out of the blue two days after the session, Kate texted me and said she needed space and that she didn’t want to be around me one on one anymore.
I really regret this, but I did not take this well. I felt betrayed that we didn’t have a conversation about this beforehand since I’d tried to hard to be transparent about everything I felt. I called multiple times and texted begging for an explanation. She gave me none. We went to school the next day and she acted like everything was normal around our friends. I was beyond confused. I asked her if we were going to talk and she said most likely we’d talk about it, but it all depended on how I acted. I asked how I should act and she wouldn’t tell me, all she said is I wasn’t acting right so far. I asked for a time we could talk and she said she owed me nothing. I couldn’t fathom this personality switch. We went on Christmas break after this and for an entire month we went no contact. She commented on my insta post and I commented on hers out of respect. I thought that meant we were getting better and she’d worked through whatever she’d needed to work through.
Sadly I personally spent the entire month in anxiety and constantly trying to understand what I’d done wrong. Through reflection I realized how my anxious behavior probably made Kate feel drained. I felt guilty and started having panic attacks multiple times a day. I felt like everything was my fault and wanted more than anything to apologize and have a conversation.
We came back from break and Kate was cold. She still presented like everything was normal in front of our friends, but refused to even walk with me alone. I felt alienated. I asked where she was at and she got really mad at me. I asked for healthy boundaries and a clear time we could talk if that was really her end goal, and again she said she wouldn’t do it. I asked if she saw the conversation happening in May and she didn’t have an answer. At this point I started feeling weird. Angry and sad and weird. I felt controlled too. I still was having panic attacks daily and blamed myself for the rupture, but was I really the only one to blame? Suddenly it felt like Kate was doing all this to protect herself from me, not to take a break to think things over and come back with new solutions like I’d assumed she’d been doing. Like I’d been doing.
Last night I came across an instagram post she’d liked and it said “when you don’t realize how badly someone has been treating you until you talk out loud to someone about it”. Knowing Kate like I do, there’s no way that was meant for anyone but me. So I’m now realizing she thinks I’m toxic and is requiring space until she believes it’s safe to be my friend again. I know I have so much to learn and fall short and mess up all the time. But the fact she thinks her best friend was being toxic and that I wouldn’t do everything in my power to change for her if she’d told me any of this is baffling to me.
I’m just extremely hurt by all this and am suffering from the other side of the boundary. I understand this is a tool people use to block bad things out of their life, but is it really right to cut me out like this and treat me like I don’t exist when all I wanted was to be honest with conversation? I believe Kate has every right to need a break from all the pressure a relationship can put on someone, but to say she needs space and take all the authority and power and be the one to say whether I can talk to her or not it so painful. And to not put a healthy time limit on it either just feels wrong. And she never told me the problem. I had to find out she felt this way through instagram, which is also crazy to me. Idk just please help me figure out what to do in the midst of this and if Kate is doing this right. All I know for sure is I’m hurting and in a constant state of guilt and anxiety and I can’t keep living like this.
I really do care about Kate and believe we were an amazing match, but I can’t help thinking maybe we’ve run our course. Maybe this is where we realize we can’t go any deeper because of our different approaches to relationships. I’d love more than anything to be able to wait for Kate and have a conversation and return to being friends, I’m just not sure I’m capable of that right now. | Yes, YTA. You don’t have to like her boundaries, but you can choose to respect them and give her the space she requests. I think you should also spend this time learning how to set your own personal boundaries.
I’m a “words of affirmation” and “quality time” kind of gal, but I don’t squeeze my friends to death because of it. You might benefit from some counseling to work on yourself. There needs to be some balance.
Perhaps seek out activities, clubs, classes, organizations, hobbies, or whatever, things that YOU like, and go by yourself, and be open to meeting new people. |
AITAH For telling my parents that my neighbor is being a Horrible person | Okay for this ill be using his initial J m29 and his wife B F28. In the past i have no had issues with these neighbors, in fact B had given me her own sourdough recipe since she knows i like to make sourdough. In my apartment its just me, my mom, my dad, and my older brother who isn't around much because of college. I won't be disclosing my age but im in early highschool and i like most of my neighbours but J gets on my nerves. Hes been rude and disrepectful to me ever since i met him but i won't say anything to B because she is such a kind woman.
One day i was doing laundry down in the basement and J was waiting for me to move my things to the dryer and i apologized for being late and we moved on. Until the next time he made a really rude comment and i quote "you should be faster i mean its not that hard to get from the top floor to here. You should really hurry up next time" and he rolls his eyes at me. This isn't as bad as it was to me at the time but the comment he made next under his breathe really bothered me "slow b\*tch". That really bothered me as i always make a point to be kind to my neighbour because i like their to be peace. When i had gotten back to my apartment i complained to my mom (for context she is a very strong latina woman but can go overboard at times)
She had obviously told my dad and we brushed past it. Until my mother got an email from the head of the complex stating that we need to be faster while doing laundry. J had complained about me to management, and gotten an email/ warning sent to my family. My mom decided to have a 'talk' with him but she ended up just yelling at him and i feel just a bit bad because i never wanted it to go this far. I watched B get so sad and upset that her husband did this and her husband looks remorsful and since then ive felt guilty and just bad for starting this whole thing by complaining to my parents. I need to know if i should have kept my mouth shut and went on with it or if im right for what i did. So, am i the asshole? | If J didn't want a confrontation then he shouldn't be confrontational. You are a minor child doing your best. He is a grown man who should know better. You do not verbally berate someone who is clearly attempting to appease you.
B knows how her husband is. She lives with him and knows him in ways you don't. You should have informed her sooner but trust me, his behavior would not have shocked her.
Let your parents handle this and when you see B let her know you were not expecting your mother to explode.
None of this is your fault at all. None of it.
NTA. |
AITAH for threatening to go to HR on my coworker? | Just to give a little backstory on this situation, I have a co-worker/team lead who can be unbearable to work with. The thing about him is he can be really witty and funny at times but just as much fun he is to be around he can be equally aggressive and annoying.
He makes a lot of negative remarks about team members to other team members and to the boss. He has insulted mine and a few others intelligence to our face, talks down to us, has yelled at us and had been trying to micromanage us and nitpicks about stuff our actual boss has no issue with. He often jokes and laughs about how he knows he is condescending and sarcastic that's just the way he is and he can't change that. He has ran quite a few people off the job with his behavior and our boss seems kind of scared of the guy. He has a bit of niche knowledge in the company and will threaten to quit sometimes if he doesn't get his way. He had been getting worst and worst and sticking his nose in situations that doesn't concern him and trying to control everything and everyone.
So I recently had a blow out with the guy because I had enough of his shit. He was trying to get me to complete a task I didn't have time for due to having my own duties plus it had already been allocated to someone else but he felt it would get done faster if I did it. So I finally said to him, who's currently working on the project? and he mentioned the other guys name and I told him then let's keep it that way. He got all offended and asked what I meant by that and I told him it was exactly what I said and to focus on his own work. So he told me he would be reporting me to my boss to which I replied that I could also report his horrible attitude to HR. He then got really scared and wouldn't speak to me anymore after that and had been telling people to watch out when talking to me because I will go to HR on them.
One of my other co workers came to me after they heard about the disagreement and told me they understood why I snapped at him but was like wtf threatening HR was kind of extreme and uncalled for. She said that I basically threatened his livelihood and should've went about the situation a different way. At first I didn't give a shit cause I felt like he put that type of energy out there but can't take it when someone matches it but I do feel a bit confused on if I took it too far. So AITAH here?
| >So he told me he would be reporting me to my boss to which I replied that I could also report his horrible attitude to HR. He then got really scared
So he can throw about reporting you but you cannot return the favor?
Also if he's that scared, he knows he definitely has a problem.
The coworker saying you are threatening his livelihood should let him keep doing whatever but to her. As for you, mission accomplished and you are NTA. |
AITAH for telling my mom I don't want my birthday gift anymore? [Update!!] | Hiya everyone!
I wanted to make an update post cause I was seriously greatful for the advice I received and the situation has been solved!
So I waited a bit before talking with my mom. I was genuinely nervous and I felt horrible. We had a sit down on the couch and I explained to her how I felt about the whole thing.
I kinda started out the convo rough but I asked her point blank of the ticket had been meant for my uncle [one of my aunts husbands] cause they did hang out a lot as a group and some people on my first post asked if that was the case. Turns out there was actually 5 tickets and my uncle wasn't apart of the group! The ticket was meant for me and the concert yes was definitely something she wanted to do with her friends but also with me in mind!
I told her that the idea of my aunts being there made me feel like I was going to be out of place and that I had become more anxious. As well as a couple of other things that I expressed in my previous post.
She told me that she was happy that I could be honest with her and that she wasn't angry or hurt at all.
The plans have changed so now we're still going to go see him but it'll just be me and her and on a different day. We're also going to have a day in the city he's performing in which I'm super excited for cause we did that a couple months back and literally it was so amazing!
Thank you again for everyone who gave me advice. I'm truly greatful and it helped me be able to talk to her! Have a good day everyone!
[I apologize if it doesn't make sense. I'm really bad at communicating things sometimes so if there's anything that's confusing js lemme know!] | I’m glad it worked out.
Enjoy your concert. |
AITAH for telling my mom I don't want my birthday gift anymore? [Update!!] | Hiya everyone!
I wanted to make an update post cause I was seriously greatful for the advice I received and the situation has been solved!
So I waited a bit before talking with my mom. I was genuinely nervous and I felt horrible. We had a sit down on the couch and I explained to her how I felt about the whole thing.
I kinda started out the convo rough but I asked her point blank of the ticket had been meant for my uncle [one of my aunts husbands] cause they did hang out a lot as a group and some people on my first post asked if that was the case. Turns out there was actually 5 tickets and my uncle wasn't apart of the group! The ticket was meant for me and the concert yes was definitely something she wanted to do with her friends but also with me in mind!
I told her that the idea of my aunts being there made me feel like I was going to be out of place and that I had become more anxious. As well as a couple of other things that I expressed in my previous post.
She told me that she was happy that I could be honest with her and that she wasn't angry or hurt at all.
The plans have changed so now we're still going to go see him but it'll just be me and her and on a different day. We're also going to have a day in the city he's performing in which I'm super excited for cause we did that a couple months back and literally it was so amazing!
Thank you again for everyone who gave me advice. I'm truly greatful and it helped me be able to talk to her! Have a good day everyone!
[I apologize if it doesn't make sense. I'm really bad at communicating things sometimes so if there's anything that's confusing js lemme know!] | What a fantastic update. You went from I don’t want this to let’s make it our thing. Nothing like clearing the air with your mom. Here’s to making new memories without any awkward uncles in sight. |
AITAH; I called my colleague out for doing work that was assigned to me when I agreed to pick it up after I was back from annual leave and left her work to me after multiple previous attempts of shifting her work responsibilities to me | I’m new to this consulting company but not new to the industry. The project team consists of me, a project manager and an engagement leader. Both other colleagues are senior to me.
When the work started, I did some work but had to take sick leave during that time the engagement leader (most senior colleague) advised me to handover my model work the work to the project manager. The project manager didn’t progress the work when I was away and sick but they just checked the work. They only progressed the report that was assigned to them. When I was back I was under immense pressure to finish everything, working extra hours. I worked between Xmas and new year with the engagement leader to move the work forward while the project manager was on annual leave. I was still working on the model but when back from holidays the project manager tried to push some of her work to me as well but I kept saying that I was at capacity and couldn’t take this. I was annoyed that they didn’t check my scope upfront and kept trying to assign even their own work to me. Most of the time when I pushed back by flagging my own work they stayed silent. Eventually we were about to finish the work, but the client gave us even more work right before a few days of the deadline and I was going to be away the next day (Friday) and the weekend. Before I logged off I said I’d pick up the additional model work when I was back after the weekend. When I logged back on on Monday the project manager took up all my work related to the model, when asked by the engagement leader about the report they said they report couldn’t be finished because the model isn’t finished. The project manager was away on the Monday I was back so I couldn’t ask them why they took my work away from me so in the group chat I thanked them for their help but mentioned that I’d agreed to pick up the work when I was back and it’s what was assigned to me, then I said I appreciate the support but I’d preferred if we stayed aligned on the roles and expectations. The engagement leader replied to the message saying the project manager stepped in as client deadline was closer. AITAH for calling them out?
TLDR; colleague not following assigned role and responsibilities. Cherry picking the work they want to help with. Not checking my scope before pushing their work towards me and staying silent when I flagged that I had work of my own. Interfering in my work in my absence and not letting me know out of courtesy. I eventually called them out politely in the group chat but also thanked them. AITAH? | NTA. Call it out early, or it becomes a habit. She's trying to see what she can get away with with you. |
My (32M) GF (29F) and I have been having issues and fights. AITAH or is this on her? | My (32M) GF (29F) and I have been together for almost 10 months. We met on Hinge and had an almost instant connection and level of familiarity & closeness with each other. We talked for an entire week with each other before meeting for our first date the following weekend. When we were on our first date, we both said things like, “wow it feels like I’ve missed you rather than meeting you for the first time” Just felt right with each other. She was very direct, respectful, calm, and just lovely to talk to. We had a great first date and we slept together. Again, she was very honest and direct about what she was looking for.. and said she doesn’t want to sleep with/date multiple people at once. I thought that was admirable as I also don’t like the idea of sleeping/dating multiple at once. So I agreed to that. We continued hanging out and I really enjoyed spending time with her.
However, I for whatever reason didn’t pursue as I normally would? Maybe bc it seemed like our connection was so unique, but we just hung out as if we’d known each other for ages, not really elaborate dates. Here is where I wasn’t really a good person. I was true to not sleeping with others. But, I kind of continued to act single. Granted, it was still early (only weeks in) but I went out with friends, got waitresses numbers, random girls numbers, texted them, etc. I knew in my heart I wanted nothing to do with them. But I continued to engage, almost out of insecurity I guess. When we were sitting together, I would scroll through my photos, knowing there were raunchy/NSFW pics of me and/or other girls that sent me pics or I screenshotted or something. If I’m being honest with myself now, I think it was because I was insecure and wanted her to know I was a guy that partied. That got women and that was wanted. It’s pathetic bc… while thats true… I think she could have known that was the case. But I was stupid and pushed it in her face. She was pretty gentle and almost was smirking a bit at first. But then I took it further. I told her about how there’s cute girl at my work. I made it known that I still have ex’s nudes on my phone. Looked up former girls on IG that I slept with. This started to really eat at her and then fights started. After some months, I truly did reflect and I basically explained all of this to her. That I was being an ass and I 100% see how this would affect someone.
I wanted to make it right. I offered to just delete my IG for a while while we work on regaining trust. I promised to get less jumpy on my phone and not freak out if she wanted to look at something on it. We would make really good progress, but there would be bumos and hiccups on the way. This girl really does do everything for me. She does 90% of the housework (laundry, cleaning, supplies, etc.) Cooking is one thing we really do share kinda 50/50. She gets fed up with that at times, which I fully agree with and understand. And I try to do more. She is very Type A and gets started on it when I don‘t even realize sometimes, at odd hours even. Anyway, to this day we are dealing with trust issues/jealousy. I can confidently say that I haven’t been doing anything bad to her for months now and nothing behind her back. I have been overly transparent with her. (i.e. if someone adds me on social media, I show her for example). Another issue has been porn. In a way, I realize its good to cut that out as it can be not great for people. So I want to say yes to going away with it, but then at times I bring it up and ask why it bothers her even in the first place and we fight.
We have had many many fights. Never fully physical, but there’s been times where accidental scratches or grabs happened. She does yell a lot and has a way of escalating. Just recently she got angry and threw my desk chair into a wall and then knocked a picture off my wall and glass shattered.
I was very shaken up and the police came. They talked to both of us and we both defended each other. The argument stemmed from me saying that I agree trust it’s important and not lying, but that also prying and digging into every little detail of my personal life is just asking to get hurt. Basically I am saying and asking for her to trust me to have common sense about what is hurtful vs. what is acceptable in a relationship. How do we move forward? Please help. | It's crazy to me that you're 32. I don't know what to add, other comments are very true in that you need to break up and see a therapist. For both of you it sounds like absolutely unhinge behaviour to have, especially at your age.
YTA |
AITAH for using my gift card to by a dishwasher? | My soon to be wife and I bought a dishwasher. I had received a gift card from work for £250 and decided to use it for the household instead of myself. The dishwasher cost us £369 so we had £119 left to pay.
AITAH for saying that I think I paid for more than half to my fiancée when she asked me to pay the half of the remaining costs after she used her gift card she got (£200) on things for herself? She says that the gift card wasn't real money and that I wouldn't of bought anything useful with it. I then snapped and asked what she her used her gift card for and why is my gift card not real money when it's clearly worth £250.
She stormed off and is now not talking to me... AITAH? | NTA. It has monetary value, you spent yours on the house and she spent hers on herself. After that, and she still asks for more? That's just plain selfish. |
AITAH for not wanting to be friendly with the father (35m) of my (27f) kid? | So as the title says, I don’t want to be friends or friendly with the father of my kid. There is a lot of history from the relationship, a lot of abuse, mostly verbal and emotional but it got physical at times. I won’t say I’m innocent as I definitely did say things to him during our relationship that were not okay. I ended the relationship a bit over 2 years ago after being able to be apart from him due to the fact that he lost his job and we could not afford rent anymore. He wasn’t allowed to live at my parents place because when he did in the past he fought with my brother (because he was threatening to beat me so my brother got involved and tried to defend me) and threatened to beat my dad. Now I know, I’m extremely stupid and naive for having thought I could’ve changed him especially after all that, but I was young and in love with him. Anyways after having more time apart from him I saw how manipulative and hurtful the relationship was, on both sides at that point because I believe after so long of being abused you tend to mirror your abusers behavior, which is why I say I’m not entirely innocent. So I decided to end it. This was the beginning of basically psychological games and torture against me, that’s really the only way I can put it. When we first broke up, he basically had a idgaf attitude calling me a hoe and stuff, whatever honestly I wish it would’ve stayed that way, but after he realized that I really wasn’t gonna come back, in came the begging. And when I mean begging, this man literally would act like he was about to kill himself, sending me goodbye texts that he loves me and that I’ll never have to see him again the not responding for days. I had to call the cops a few times. Apparently, he laid in the middle of the street trying to get ran over. Insane time. Then he goes to therapy, pretty sure his mom made him if he wanted to stay at her house any longer. This made honestly every thing worse. At first he acted apologetic telling me he’s sorry for how he acted in our relationship and he’s changed, I did not believe him. I don’t believe people can make such rapid change in my opinion, shit like that takes years to unpack and fix. He begged me to take him back saying he would do anything I wanted.that he would be the provider man he has to be. Like it sounded a mix of wounded puppy mixed with alpha male ideologies to try and appease me, as if paying for stuff would make everything he did okay. When I wouldn’t take him back, he stated back at the I’m a piece of shit, im a shit mom, I should jut give up my daughter. Mind you, during the past two years, he went on a 6 month hiatus when his mom kicked him out for being literally insane and threatening to kill himself, which okay good cause honestly I did not want my daughter around that, he’s had her maybe 1 or 2 days every week besides that. I will say there were a couple work trips I had to go to that he watched her, but he would always use it later on saying oh I did all this for you, I’m going you a favor, I don’t have to do shit and you’re not grateful for it. Honestly that use to piss me off so much cause it’s like you’re her dad? You don’t even watch her 50% of the time and you having her is a favor to me? But whatever, this has basically been my life for the past two years. I recently, last month, put boundaries on our communication. With the support of my boyfriend, who I’ve been dating now for almost a year (yayyy), I’ve been really good at sticking to those boundaries. However, he’s been a complete dick about it. So you guys know what I set here they are:
\-I will not talk on the phone unless the call is recorded (he always says he will pick up our daughter on the phone then on text he’ll be like. I never said I’d get her)
\-if he doesn’t want to talk on the phone, then communication will be through text
\-we will only communicate on things that regard our daughter
IMO these are pretty reasonable boundaries. But now he’s being a dick by basically refusing to have a schedule saying that his schedule is none of my business because I don’t want to have an relationship with him, even as friends, telling me I’m a shit person because I don’t want to hang out with him, saying that he tried being nice and being my friend but I didn’t want that so now he’s gonna be a dick. Mind you, he apparently has a girlfriend? So idk why he’s so up my ass. Anyways I want to know if I’m being a dick for not really wanting to keep a friendly relationship with him. I just don’t think it necessary nor healthy. But maybe I should try harder as he is the father of my kid? Idk. | NTA
But, if you haven't already done so, file in court to have child support and visitation legally established. Also, ask the court to require the use of a parenting app for communication. |
AITAH for questioning whether I should continue seeing a guy even though he checks a lot of "good on paper" boxes, because I don't know if I am capable of real love? | I (26F) recently went on a date with a man (33M). He's divorced and says his ex wife cheated. He has a stable job, lives nearby, and has a cat (I'm also a cat mom). Personality wise, we actually get along really well. We're both extroverted and conversation flowed easily. One thing to note: He is short, 5'7", and I normally don't go for shorter men. On the date, he was very physically affectionate. Hand holding, kissing, etc. I personally hate physical touch early on. It makes me uncomfortable, and I was visibly nervous. He didn't force anything, but the intensity made me anxious. I also recently went through a breakup. Looking back, I've noticed a pattern in my relationships: I usually have doubts at the beginning, then over time I grow attached and feelings build. With my ex, I didn't feel strongly at first, but eventually I became invested. When he brokeup with me, I was devastated. Here's the part I'm struggling with being honest about: I don't think I've ever truly been "in love". What I have wanted deeply is marriage, a wedding, kids, stability, the life. I think I subconsciously viewed my exes as tickets to that dream rather than loving them for who they were. When breakups happened, I wasn't grieving the person as much as I was grieving the future I thought I lost. I hate admitting this, but I even told past boyfriends that I loved them when I don't know if I actually felt that. I think I wanted the outcome more than the relationship itself. Now with this new guy, I'm torn. He seems like a genuinely good person and capable of giving me the life I want, but I'm questioning whether it's fair to continue seeing him when I'm unsure if I even know how to love someone properly. I want to fall in love. I just don't know if I'm wired that way or if I've been chasing milestones instead of connection. So Reddit, AITAH for questioning this and hesitating instead of just "giving him a chance"? | This doesn’t sound like you’re broken, it sounds like you’re tired and still processing stuff. Also the physical affection thing alone would make me hesitate, that kind of mismatch can get louder over time, not quieter. |
aitah for making my bf drop all of his friends..?😶 | About a year ago me and my boyfriend met and after a few months we started dating, at the time I had 3 friends and he had none they all wanted to meet him and I thought what could go wrong so one night we all decided to hang out when two of my friends started making fun of me I ignore it and moved on a few months later they were spreading rumors about me so we stopped being friends but my bf and then were still friends my other friend would constantly flirt with him and I was pissed I ended up dropping her but my bf was still friends with all of them all 3 of them were my friends for 4-3 years so I was upset for awhile my boyfriend would constantly bring them up and talk good about them they were all really great friends and were close for about 5 months I eventually got tired of hearing about them so I told him if he didn’t stop being friends with them I would break up with him he ended up dropping them and was upset at me for a long time he told me that since he stopped being friends with them he’s felt so alone and like he had no one and I feel bad aitah..? | Fucks sake, that Covid era education sure took its toll. YTA by the way |
AITAH for starting to resent my best friend because she’s involved with an engaged man? | My best friend has been in relationship with a guy for about eight years. They’re from different religions, and his parents never accepted their relationship eight to nine months ago, his parents arranged his engagement to another woman
Even after that my best friend is still emotionally/ romantically involved with him. The fiancée once confronted my best friend because she noticed that the guy follows her and likes all her social media posts. My best friend didn’t say anything at the time because the guy told her not to. He said that if the engagement breaks, his mother who apparantly has heart problems could get sick
So basically the guy is two timing he’s engaged to one woman while still being involved with my best friend.
The reason this situation is bothering me so much is personal. I have an aunt I’m very close to who was cheated on in her marriage and is still stuck in it because she has two small children and can’t leave. Because of that, cheating is a huge emotional trigger for me. When my best friend talks about this, it genuinely upsets me and brings up a lot of painful emotions.
I want to be clear that I’m not sharing this just to tell my best friend’s business. This is about how much it’s affecting me. She vents to me a lot about her feelings, and sometimes even talks badly about the fiancée. When that happens, I feel really uncomfortable and hurt, and I can’t help but see my aunt in that woman.
I’ve tried to handle this gently. I told my best friend that I’d be disappointed if she continued this relationship after the guy gets married. I also told her I trusted her judgment. She told me she doesn’t trust herself that she’ll “always love him,” and that she’d even accept him if he divorced his future wife someday.
She often says that if he stops talking to her, she’ll stop talking to him, but that never actually seems to happen.
Another issue is that she has made it very clear that if I ever say anything negative about this guy, she won’t tolerate it and would resent me for it ( because she apparently loves him more than life itself?) . Because of that, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her. She keeps saying he’s being pressured into this marriage because he earns very little money and is financially dependent on his parents, so he has no choice but to go along with an arranged marriage (she portrays him as a victim??)
At the same time, she says the fiancée should leave him if she has any hints(the likes,comments, follow) that he’s already involved with someone else. From my perspective, it feels like he’s getting the best of both worlds, while two women are getting played.
What hurts me the most is that my best friend presents herself as very religious (while having a problem with me being atheist) yet she’s participating in something that actively hurts another woman. Hearing her speak badly about the fiancée really affects me emotionally.
I don’t interfere in their relationship but being constantly exposed to this situation has left me emotionally drained and quietly resentful. I feel guilty for feeling this way because she has been there for me during my worst times and truly is my ride-or-die friend I don’t want to lose her but every time she talks about this guys fiancee I just can't think of anyone but my aunt
Please if it's little confusing I'm sorry because english isn't my first language | It sounds like he is cheating on her with his arranged marriage. They've been together for 8 years, she will never be accepted by his family because she is the wrong religion. Rather than him manning up and telling his parents (who will cut him off) the truth, he went along with them finding him a suitable women.
They are incompatible until his parents come to terms with it, he mans up, or his parents pass. Sounds like maybe he is the love of her life and she can't come to terms with him being out of her life for money.
But if their relationship is a deal breaker for you, you can end the friendship with her. If this is too much tell her I can't condone what you are doing and it triggers deep routed feelings for me. For this reason I have to step away from our friendship, let me know if things change. |
AITAH For Not Caring About My Mother | I (20M) have never had a great relationship with my mother, who is from Korea. Since I was young, my mom and dad fought often, and fiercely. Arguments would bleed through my closed door, and I would usually be terrified or angry that they were fighting so often. For a stretch, they would fight every day, and I would perch myself at the top of the stairs waiting to see if I needed to intervene and try to fix the situation, usually having to jump between them as they yelled as I spent hours and hours talking to my mom trying to cool the situation. I specifically target this post toward her because my dad has almost never been the cause of their arguments. My mom has shown herself to be a chronic narcissist, always believing she's the victim of her circumstances between her and her family, myself, my dad, her friends, my dad's family. She also blames everything on everyone else, but this post is tailored toward something specific.
My mom has, throughout multiple points in my life, threatened to go back to Korea. The first time she threatened it, it was when I was 6, and she and my dad had been through a fierce argument. The details are fuzzy for me, as it was a long time ago, but I remember being terrified to leave my house. She was demanding, that night, I leave Canada, leave my house, leave school and everything I knew and just move to Korea. It's my birth country, but I hadn't been there since I was 3. I denied, and she left the house to go for a drive then came back in a rage. This was not an isolated case. When I was 8, 11, 12, and 16, we went through it all again. All the while, my parents fought, and by my parents fought, I mean my mother created problems, blamed them on my dad, then would scream at him until he finally caved and accepted responsibility for something he didn't even do. She eventually turned that behaviour on me, including getting angry and blaming me for being afraid to go with her. My attitude, over the years, began to shift from being terrified of her leaving to being sad about her leaving, toward starting to feel numb, then not caring, then hoping she would so I can escape the hell that is walking on eggshells every time I try to stay around my house.
A brief note: I haven't moved out yet because I can't afford to, but also because my dad and I have a really good relationship because, surprise surprise, not being abusive, mentally torturous, depriving someone of sleep to scream at them at 3 in the morning when they have an exam the next day, leads to someone actually wanting to spend time with you.
But it's gotten worse. When she realised I didn't care about her moving away anymore because i knew her threats were empty, and she never would move away despite how much she wanted me to feel like she would, her threats changed. When she realised that, maybe, yelling at me for hours and telling me I'd regret not trying to make her stay and saying how terrible of a person I am for not caring might not make me want to have her around, she turned and started threatening to kill herself. She says it's trying to convey her feelings and how she's hurting, but she has, multiple times, told me she'd rather be dead, then has recently taken to saying she wants to kill herself. Notably, she only says this when I don't accept everything she says at face value and take full blame for everything that's ever happened between us, including when I wouldn't leave the house at 6 years old. Then, last night, according to my dad, when he said she was using that threat as a power trip and control move to try and get what she wanted, she created a noose out of saran wrap and put a chair nearby as if she'd actually hang herself.
When he told me, i didn't feel sad, or scared. I felt angry, and resentful, that she was trying to weaponise this. But now that it's the morning, I'm not sure if that was the right move. I keep trying to justify this to myself, thinking "caring about you hurt me, so I stopped caring," but I think objective minds might be able to clarify this a little further. So AITA for not caring about her anymore? | NTA. I would call the police the next time she decides to threaten to take the self checkout lane. A 72 hour psych hold does wonders to deter that kind of behavior. |
WIBTAH if I left a note for my Neighbors | I 21(f) live in an apartment with my parents we been here for about 10 years plus but the last 2 years have been hell.
My neighbors live in a 2 bedroom apartment that is the biggest apartment size in the building but from the looks of it I've have seen over 6 people living there. And I get that it can get noisy but this is not the case. I can here them at all times of the day and its not just ever day tasks wich I get and can here like the dish and them being in the the shower.
This noises are yelling 90% of the time that makes me mad I wake up to them at any time of the day or night about 2 to 4 times a week. I think the earliest ive woke up to them is about 6 in the morning.
And the yelling normally starts when I here one of the female yelling shut up to the baby and the baby starts wailing before i here the shut up i do not hear the baby at all and the female keeps screaming shut up and baby crys even louder.
I get that baby cry but it does not bother me 99% of the time. its them yelling at all hours in the morning and night.
Another time they were yelling at 3 or 4 am then around 8 or 9 yelling again. And its not just taking loud wich they do Its yelling, some times for over an hour.
Now here is where my dilemma is i have brought up to my parents before that maybe we should wright a note or something and they said no. But im at my braking point I'm not sleep properly.I here them doing anything im not trying to stop there everyday stuff just the constant yelling all the time.
Now WIBTHA if I whent be hind my parents back an wrote a note
*I do not like confrontation and the note would be anonymous
(Im dyslexic so sorry for bad grammar and spelling)
| You’re not wrong for being exhausted, constant yelling, especially involving a baby, would push anyone to a breaking point. But an anonymous note could backfire; looping in building management might actually protect your peace without creating new drama. |
AITAH? Boyfriend’s search history and just general weirdness adding up. | See, my boyfriend often leaves his phone around me. When he’s showering, sometimes when he’s on the loo etc.
Went on his phone yesterday to google something, right infront of his face too. I go to Safari and literally right there in the search bar I saw ‘Piper Rockelle Nudes’ and ‘Charliiize nudes’ (whoever tf charlize is)
Immediately gasped and laughed, he turned and said ‘it’s nothing like that, I just wasn’t aware she had an onlyfans.’ And proceeded to reassure me that I can check his phone if I want to, and that if he was being a ‘naughty fucker’ then he would have hidden it better than that. I mean fair point. I just let it go.
This isn’t the first time i’ve seen weird activity though. Nothing worth really making a song and dance over, or breakup worthy imo, but things are starting to add up now.
1. April 2025 when he was on holiday, he’d followed a few random girls on tiktok, I called this out and he was very very apologetic and took accountability.
2. Couple months later I found tinder on his phone, with a recent profile picture (he’d literally taken this picture WHILE we were getting together.) But he denies this and says the picture and account is from ages ago. I let him off because tbf i didn’t actually see any active chats other than one message saying ‘hey xx’ that he didn’t respond to. He also has had tinder deleted since.
3. More random tiktok follows.
4. Once deleted a conversation with a girl that i’m not very keen on - reason being is because she’s tried it on with him once in the past when he was fat, and he’s since had a huuuge glowup. I also hate her flirty ass voice but then again this is also just insecurity talking now. I read through the conversation and it was him arranging to meet her at the pub alongside their mutual friend. He deleted the conversation because he knows I’m a bit weary of her. I mean okay but why delete it lol?? He also admitted this to me, again, whatever. We moved on.
5. FAVOURITED tiktoks of multiple random girls (and I mean random, not even influencer level.) I was fucking fuming tbh.
6. Did have this one colleague he was very close with too, and looooved to talk about. I found her to be quite unwelcoming tbh and she just generally has a nasty vibe about her. But I do really think that she was nothing to worry about, and I never saw or heard otherwise really tbh. Especially since she’s now left that job and I don’t hear about her anymore or ever see her notification pop up. I’m not going to check because I’d like to trust that she was just a fellow office friend that I happened to not really like due to her weird cold attitude.
I know some of you may feel as if i’m invading his privacy, and while you aren’t wrong, I feel that the women that read this, particularly younger women; do you ever just have that disgusting instinct to just look and see what’s on that damn phone?
I haven’t actually found anything that indicates blatant cheating. And I think ‘microcheating’ is a silly term. Everyone has eyes, fine. I find other men attractive, but to actively favourite random tiktoks of random men (celebs don’t count) follow random guys, deleting conversations with people who he KNOWS i’m uncomfortable with… idk if i’m a paranoid freak or if there’s maybe something fishy/cheatery about him.
I will admit that I can be a pretty jealous girl, and i’m not proud of it. I do also have a huge fear of being cheated on, and I can’t really ever ‘fully’ trust a man tbh. I’ve heard enough stories from friends, even the most gorgeous celebrities have been cheated on, i’m practically convinced that there’s always ‘someone’. Which is my own internal problem, clearly.
Is this typical man behaviour and nothing to worry about, or should I run for the hills? He is 22, i’m 19. We have been dating for about a year and a half now.
Am I being a freak? Or is this dodgy asf? Lmk | duuumppp himmmmm🎶 |
WIBTAH if I no call no show tomorrow? | There was an event tomorrow that I was asked to attend in the middle of my regular work shift, so I got a coworker to cover my shift (both verbally in person and through text). My coworker was in a car accident, and obviously can no longer cover my shift (they’re fine, caught some ice and rolled the car, managed to get out with just a bit of a concussion, recovering well at home, remember to always wear your seatbelt). I got a call from my manager, saying that they now need me to work my shift because no one else is able to cover the shift. He was very apologetic, and he really did ask everyone if they were able to come in tomorrow, because they texted me to apologize that they weren’t able to come in at such short notice.
My work has a policy that if someone else has agreed to cover a shift for you, and you having it in writing, then you are off the hook, and if something comes up it’s the person who agreed to cover’s responsibility to find someone else or come in for work. Obviously I don’t expect my poor coworker to cover for me anymore, but also I kind of feel like it’s not on me to come in because I did my responsibility and it’s not my fault or my problem that things went wrong, and per the company’s own rules, I’m off the hook for it. It just feels really really shitty.
I labeled this as a hypothetical because I will not actually be no call no showing tomorrow because as shitty as I think this is for me, I know my coworkers would be eating most of that shit sandwich if I don’t come in. There aren’t any real consequences for not attending the event (except that it’s my only chance to do it and I really wanted to go), so I will be at work tomorrow but I won’t be in a good mood about it. | If you no call/no show, you have a good chance of losing your job. But you aren't doing that. I think IF you did, YWBTA for all the things you listed. |
WIBTAH For giving my girlfriend a secondhand birthday gift? | My(27M) girlfriend's(24F) birthday is coming up so I'm thinking about what to get her. She sometimes likes to play my Nintendo Switch when she's over at my place, but I recently lucked into a Switch 2 so I don't use it that much anymore. I was thinking of giving my original Switch to her for her birthday. My coworker said she would be offended if her BF gave her his old last gen console as a birthday gift, so now I'm doubting myself. I'm getting her other gifts as well, but what should I do? | Letting her have your old Nintendo switch wouldn’t be a bad gift on a random day BUT definitely don’t give it to her as her birthday gift or on a special day😭😭 I’d be offended too, your coworker is right. |
AITAH for not letting my mom wear whatever she wants? | Hi everyone, I am making this post because I really need to get this off my chest because it has affected my very deeply. I (27F) am getting married in august at a national park. The only people that are going are my parents and my fiances parents. I was so excited for the wedding and everytime I thought about marrying my fiance in a national park with my family surrounding us I would just feel so mushy inside. I am pretty close with my mother and like most mother daughter relationships there has always been ups and down but that stopped once I left for college and since college I have felt like we were besties. This past weekend I went to my parents house to have dinner with them and also so my mom and I could talk about where I wanted to hem the train of my dress. After dinner my mother is asking me what colors I am expecting people to wear during the national park wedding and I say whatever as long as its muted/earth tone colors.
This is where things start going downhill... she kept asking me what colors she could wear and I showed her a color palette and she did not like it. She said all the colors would look bad on her. Then she says she doesn't want to buy a new dress, so I offer to buy her a dress. Then she starts showing me dresses online, but they are either not very cute (I know that "cute" depends on the person) or they are really bright colors, which I don't want. I showed her some dresses I think might have looked very flattering on her and she didn't like any of them. Then she asks me what is my fiances mom and step mom wearing and I say the step-mom is leaning towards a plum color. So then she made the decision that all the women are going to wear plum now, but I don't want that because I want people to wear a muted color they feel comfortable in.
Then she asks me what shoes she should wear and I say something comfortable you can walk in, like one of the other ladies may be wearing cowgirl boots which I think is fun. She pulls out boots with high heels on them and I ask her if she feels comfortable walking around in dirt in those because I just want her to be safe. She said she will just bring a separate pair of shoes and change into them. So my brain thought was "you're going to wear heels, change into other shoes, get to the photography spot and make everyone wait for you to put your heels back on?" So I tell her not to wear the shoes she just showed me so then she pulls out ankle booties with heels on them and I also said not to wear those because they look harder to walk in than the last.
While this is all happening, I am texting my fiance about what shes saying and I tell her his opinions that he is texting me and this is when she blows up on me. She just starts yelling at me about how chaotic this is and how I need to figure out what I want. So I calmly tell her I need to leave and as I am leaving the house she is cussing at me and then she yell at me that she doesn't want to go. I was so in shock that I calmly looked at her and just said "you're telling me you don't want to go to my wedding anymore?" and she looks me point blank in the eye and says yes. I guess my dad was behind me and he watched me leave the garage and then proceeded to close the garage door in my face without saying a word to me.
As I am leaving I am bawling my eyes out. I never imagined my wedding without my mother. She and I are so close and I feel like this just decimated our relationship. I decide not to text her for the rest of the night, but she texted me 3 hours after the argument a dress option. I decided not to text her back. She text me 15 minutes after the dress text saying that this day is too chaotic for her and she is, and I quote, "okay to sit this out". I tell her that she has deeply hurt my feelings and that she is choosing not to come to my wedding because she is feeling overwhelmed. Then she starts mentioning money and how much this trip is costing her. Listen here people, the cost of this trip was NEVER an issue to her until this moment. She and my dad constantly talk about what vacations they are taking next. She has been offering to buy things for the wedding non-stop. I don't take her up on everything, but what I did take her up on was paying for my wedding dress. I tell her if she was concerned about money she should have approached me beforehand instead of yelling at me at her and my dads house about dress colors. I also offered to reimburse her for all the money she has given to us thus far and she didn't want it back. The money issue feels like a cop out.
I am devastated I won't have my mom at my wedding. I was imagining all the cute photos my mom and I would take getting ready and then after the ceremony too. I don't even know how to have a relationship with her after this. How do I even have a relationship with my dad too? He watched all this happen and didn't say a word. How do I even begin to process this? I'm sorry if this was choppy, I am just trying to get as much of the story in this post as I can. Also, I am in therapy but my appointment is tomorrow and I am feeling lots of feelings TODAY.
Am I the asshole here? I understand she may have been getting annoyed because I kept turning her down, but to willingly miss your only daughters wedding because you are overwhelmed about choosing a dress seems ridiculous to me.
Edit to add: Since people cannot read - there are only 6 people at this wedding. My stipulations for the dress is just a muted color and comfy shoes. I showed her lots of options of things she can wear and she even showed me a dress she already owns and I said that's totally fine to wear. Why did she not choose to move forward with that dress? I don't know. Also, she is the one saying that everyone should wear plum, not me. If all the women want to wear plum, fine. For people asking if there are other rules at the wedding - no, there are none. I just wanted muted tones for the dress and she doesn't want to. For the people asking why I was texting my fiance - it's just because I wanted to. I like telling him everything? When I was texting him, my mom and I weren't going rapid fire back and forth, we were still just talking through options every few minutes. | Wow, I think you are right, this is not about the dress. I have no clue what it is about but NTA.
How is your relationship with your dad normally? Could you talk to him when everyone has calmed down a bit? |
AITAH for unfollowing a college friend after she stopped making any effort and now seems to mock me in public? | I’m (19f) a first-year college student. I met a girl randomly at the start of college because we spoke the same mother tongue, and we instantly vibed. We met twice in the first few days, and she kept saying things like we were the same and that she’d found her best friend.
After that, I was always the one initiating hangouts. She never asked me first. I waited a week to see if she’d text, but she didn’t. When I asked her to hang out again, she said she was busy with her roommate and replied very blandly when I suggested another time.
I felt the interest wasn’t mutual, so I stepped back. I later told her once that I felt she never asked me to hang out. She denied it, and when I clarified, she just sent an emoji. No real conversation after that.
About a month later, I unfollowed her on Instagram because we weren’t really friends anymore. Now when I see her in public, she makes faces at me and points me out to her friends, which makes me uncomfortable.
AITA for unfollowing her and quietly ending the friendship? Also how should I even behave when I see her in public and all her friends start looking at me. | NTA. You tried to keep the friendship going and there’s no point when it’s only one way |
AITAH for telling my kids I don't care that my girlfriend only likes me for my money? | My wife passed away when our kids were 9 and 11. I spent the next ten years as a single parent. I was only 39 when Lydia died. She was my world and I couldn't think of another woman. I went to grief counselling alone and with my kids. It definitely helped but it didn't make me want another woman.
My youngest is now in her last year of university. She went away to school so I was alone after she left. I started going to social events and meeting women. It was fine. My friends tried setting me up. Nothing clicked. I met some beautiful, kind, intelligent, interesting women. None of them were Lydia. And that's what I wanted.
After about a year I met Dianna. She was 28. 22 years younger than me. She works at a bookstore. She reads more than just the smutty fantasy books it seems like everyone is into these days. She doesn't have any tattoos, they just aren't my thing and please don't think I judge you if you have any. I won't go into everything she is except to say she is a single mom with a young son.
We started dating after about six months of us meeting. I met her son three months after that. After she figured out I wasn't just trying to get laid. My kids met her when they came home for Thanksgiving. Both of them worked all through university so they didn't come home for the summer.
My kids seemed to like her and saw that she made me happy. They were nice to her son and played video games with him. When he went to bed they stayed up talking to us. I thought everything went well.
It's been a couple of years now and Dianna and I are living together. No plans to get married yet but I want it. My son is married now and like I said his sister is just about done university. My son and daughter talked to me over the holidays. They said that they think Dianna is only with me for my money.
I'm not rich. I have a paid off house and a decent pension. I have money in the bank for luxuries but I still work. Dianna still works. I used up the life insurance from my wife paying for my kid's education and also for subsidizing our lives for the years right after Lydia passed away. I worked less and was their more for my kids.
I told my kids that I didn't care if she only wanted me for my money. I told them that I had sacrificed lots for them after their mom died and that I found someone who made me happy like their mom used to. I said if they had a problem with her then that they should talk to her. They seemed to take it as a rebuke and said that they thought she was just some fun I was having before meeting someone my age.
I said I was done with the conversation and would not revisit it. I did talk to Dianna about it and she was a little hurt because she had never felt those feelings from them. She asked me how I felt about it and said she wasn't getting much out of the deal. I said our relationship wasn't me robbing the cradle it was her robbing the grave. She laughed at that and we went to bed.
My kids both apologized to me about it in the weeks since and said I had the right to be happy but that it was weird being with someone who was only six years older than my son. I reiterated that the subject was closed but thanked them for their apologies.
I think I may have ruffled their feathers by saying that I don't care if she is only with me for money. | I don't really understand your reaction.
You provide convincing reasons to suggest she is NOT with you for your money. Why didn't you lay that out for your kids? Kind of feels like both throwing your girlfriend under the bus *and* damaging your kids' relationships with her by validating their concerns. For what?
Of course your girlfriend is hurt. She got accused of being a gold-digger by your own children and you didn't defend her at all. I'm baffled by why you wouldn't just tell your kids that there's no imbalance between you, you both still work and you make each other happy. That's why you're with her and you feel assured in the fact that that's why she's with you.
If I were her I'd start to wonder if that's what you really thought of me. YTA. |
AITAH because my father (m72) in-laws girl friend (f74) broke up w/him | I'm sorry this is going to be a long one.
I (52f) cannot stand My father-in-law's ex-girlfriend. They started dating last year and she came over and met my husband and I because my father-in-law lives with us. So we had her over for dinner we met her she met I think my son and our grandson because they lived here at the time as well. Well I guess it started the last Thanksgiving when she was invited to come over for Thanksgiving dinner she asked what she could make and I told her nothing she said she could bring a pie and I said absolutely not because I make all the desserts and if I don't we didn't know her and I don't know if we would like her food so we said no she can bring plates. She said that was fine so she bought a 52 piece set off of Amazon it had your dinner plate your dessert plate napkins silver rubbers wrapped up in the napkins very pretty with cups and their reusable if you wash them by hand and I made the comment to my father-in-law and saying oh these are bougie not a bad thing at all and she took it as I didn't like them or we were better than her so she broke up with him and I was like wtf that makes no sense so then I called her and I told her it was a misunderstanding that bougie is a good thing we've never had like the hard plastic place settings we would you know I was assuming she would just get you know Thanksgiving themed paper plates but anyways move forward so they've been together for about a year and a half and she has broken up with him so many times we cannot count and a little bit of backstory about her is yes she is 74 she is a alcoholic horrific alcoholic she has a son who is 40 43 something like that no grandkids he's not married and it's just the two of them so she's never been in a house with you know grandkids or you know your own kids running around and that's what we are our house is always full of our grandkids and our kids as a matter of fact we have our youngest grandchild who is for he lives with my husband and I he is autistic nonverbal 4-year-old and his mom signed over her rights and my son can't take care of him so my husband and I have guardianship. But she can't deal with the house full of kids she doesn't like it and she gets annoyed so she doesn't stay long at all. Because my FIL uses the speaker phone every time they talk because he's def in one ear so everyone hears their conversations. Any who she keeps breaking up with him like at least once a month. Now she blames me for it this last time. I can't stand her at all. She also told him at the kitchen table that she would slap the shit out of my autistic grandson because he screams when he's happy and he started screaming while they were on the phone. She also broke up with him because he answered the phone when his brother called to talk with him. I can't stand her and she is very much a C yoU Next Tuesday.
Please let me know if AITAH | Wow, she needs to get to fk completely, why is your FIL putting up with that crap |
AITAH for calling my boyfriend stupid for sabotaging my own study life? | Let me preface this by saying that I am still young, I'm an older teenager and I know it seems silly moaning about my relationship problems when others have it much worse but this has been really playing on my mind and I've been made to feel like an awful girlfriend.
Me and my boyfriend both have important exams commencing in May, and I have been not only overwhelmed, but very busy with studying and note-taking too. We usually still tend to spend 3-4 days a week together despite this, whole days too may I add, and even at our school I'm with him every single second I possibly can be. Speaking of this, when it gets to the time where we have to leave our hangout spot to attend a class, he takes so long to get up, pack away his things and come too, even though I'm urging him, therefore he makes me constantly late. You may be thinking, 'why don't you just leave without him?' Whenever I do that, he guilt trips me about how he never abandons me, and I could do without that.
Similarly, he has put me off going to after-school study sessions, as it takes away from our time together. We had an argument because I was to spend 20 minutes at an after-school French study session before going over to his house, and the backlash I got from it was so bad that I just didn't go and I went straight to his house instead. Because I like to be punctual and actually attend my classes, he constantly teases me for being 'boring', just because he doesn't want to go and would rather walk around instead. I'm tired of the constant eye-rolls and insults hurled my way.
Today was the final straw; he asked me if we were seeing each other after school, and I said no because I need a day to myself. I've been so behind on studying that I just need one evening to myself to get my shit together. This upset him MASSIVELY. All day long, he has been saying things like 'we could play this cool game together...if you were actually coming to see me', and I know he might just see it as some light-hearted teasing, but I've been getting it all day, him acting so sad because I'm choosing to have time to myself. Whenever I try and explain to him why I'm having this day to myself, he rolls his eyes and scoffs at me, seeming to belittle me. He gives me this look that makes me feel like a total idiot. Bear in mind I saw him three days in a row last week.
Because I was so frustrated, I lashed out and called him stupid, saying he wouldn't understand what it's like to actually care for your studies, and to not come crying when he fails his exams. He has trouble academically and isn't inclined that way, so I felt awful afterwards as I know he's sensitive about it and instantly showed me that he didn't appreciate the comment, but all of these aforementioned things he does combined just set me back massively with studies and I won't tolerate his disrespect and childishness anymore. Thank you for hearing me out haha.. | Some people encourage their partners to be the best person they can be. Other people drag others around them down to their level so that they feel more secure. Having higher achievers around them remind them of their own inadequacies. Surround yourself with the former and avoid the latter.
\>He has trouble academically and isn't inclined that way
He's the latter.
\>he has put me off going to after-school study sessions, he guilt trips me, This upset him MASSIVELY
NTA The warning signs are there. He will drag you down to his level if you let him. Stand firm and stop skipping study sessions that you feel would help you succeed. |
AITAH for sometimes wishing I was an only child sometimes? | I (13f) have four siblings, (17M, 10M, 3f, 1f). I love all of them with all my heart, I really do, but sometimes I wish I was an only child. It’s not like I wish they never existed, I’d never wish that, but it just gets too much at times. I’m practically a second mother to my baby sisters, always helping my mom out while my dad is at work or hanging out with his friend (who lives with us).
Back in may of 2025, my family had gotten out of an abusive situation with my grandmother on my mom’s side. I’m not very open about my personal life to anyone outside of my immediate family, only opening up to my mom and very rarely my older brother. I still get very awkward and embarrassed when talking about my emotions, and it’s even harder to open up when my sisters are hanging off of my mom like little leeches. My younger brother is very nosy and extremely mean and judgy toward me. Anything I say will be held against me for the next 10 years if he hears, and so I refuse to say anything sensitive and personal around him, meaning I can never open up to anyone. It’s hard to move on and talk about my traumas, anxiety, ocd, etc. when my siblings are constantly around. Especially since they pull the attention off of me and make everything about them. I can’t have 5 minutes between me and my mom without them needing the spotlight, and it irks me very bad. Nobody knows I feel this way, I feel like everyone would say I’m a bad sister for wanting my siblings to just go away for something as little as needing to talk to my mom, but it’s how I feel and I can’t talk to her without them. So WIBTAH for sometimes wishing I was an only child? And what should I do if I’m feeling this way? I feel bad about it but I seriously don’t know what to do. | Lots of people from big families wish they were a single child. NTAH |
AITAH for ditching my roommates, and leaving them with a bunch of dishes? | Hey, Reddit. This is the second time I'm writing this out as my dog unplugged my computer the first time I tried before I could click "Save Draft", so bare with me I'm a little frustrated, LOL.
I'll give you the TLDR up here, but please read the whole post before coming to a decision.
My roommates were jerks, so I gave them a taste of their own medicine, and then dipped out. Maybe this belongs in Petty Revenge, I don't know.
Now for the whole story. It does require a little bit of set-up, so I'm sorry for that.
This is a story dating back to June 2021. I, (25 going on 26 in 2021) was asked if I could move in with a few of my friends (Let's call them Steve, 27 year old m, Wendy, 27 year old f (both of whom are dating), and Peter, 28 going on 29 year old m). Four years ago, we were supposed to all room in together with another four friends. We'd have rented out a student house for the additional rooms to fit us all. But everyone dropped out, so, sadly, the plans were all cancelled, and eventually, it was Steve, Wendy, a former friend of mine we'll name Brian who is a year younger than me, and my girlfriend at the time, who I will name Jane, three years younger than me. Over time, people would come and go, and they would have exhausted through all of the friends they were meant to live with, as they couldn't handle Steve's rules.
Finally, it was my turn. I was going to be 26 that August, and I needed to find my own independence. Plus, it's close to home, so if I needed help, my parents are around the corner, I'm living with people I've known for years, and it was a good way to make sure Jane was out of my life, given she was emotionally manipulative, and financially abusive (but that's a whole other story for a whole other sub-reddit.)
Finally, my ex moved out to be with her mom, who lives a 5 hour drive away, and I moved a 10 minute walk around the corner, and everything was cool. I already knew my friends rules as I went over there and spent the night a lot, even after my now ex no longer lived there. But here's a basic rundown.
1. Don't leave the house a mess. If you make a mess, you're expected to clean it. Standard and fair rule. Our bedrooms were exempt from this rule as they were our own space, to do with as we see fit. I'm pretty sure the dead fly is still on my old window.
2. Don't leave anything in the living room, or it might get lost. Wendy has a habit of seeing the living room as a mess, and cleaning things. When she does this, she kind of goes into autopilot, and moves things around, and doesn't know what she's touching or where she's moving it. I'm pretty sure she's lost my wallet on more than one occasion.
3. You have a designated day to do the dishes. Do them on your day, or your dish day carries over into tomorrow. Dishes must be done after dinner so that you have a significant load, and tomorrow's dish cleaner isn't screwed over. Dish days can be traded with someone else, but they must be told a few days in advance, and it must be a mutual agreement.
It's rules 2 and 3 that were the cause of most of the fights in the house with their old roommates (as most of them didn't know how to be civil), but Rule 3 was the big one.
As for Rule #2, it did lead to several fights, but none like Rule #3, but I'll go over that issue anyway. I tried to bring a lot of my stuff over, thinking I'd have room for it all. However, Peter and I are only allowed to leave our stuff in our rooms, because Steve and Wendy have the whole basement, as it acts as their bedroom. Plus everything in the kitchen. Plus everything in the living room. Plus everything in the stairway. Plus everything in the upstairs hallway. Plus everything in the spare room upstairs. Did I mention the yard (front and back) shed and garage houses all their stuff too? They have the whole house, save for three rooms, mine and Peter's, and the upstairs bathroom, which, as now now, Steve and Wendy are using because.....reasons, I guess. I would argue that I pay the rent, so it's my house too, but Wendy would snap back saying "Fine! But don't blame me if your stuff goes missing!" I fought back with "I will blame you because you'd be the one to move and lose it." She still fights me on stuff to this day that is her fault as not her fault to this day.
I put something down. I know where it is. I leave it. I know where it is. She decides everything must be clean. She moves it. She doesn't know where it is. I return. I don't know where it is. It's found maybe a month or two later. One time she lost a whole comforter of mine. It wasn't even left in the living room, it was in my laundry.
I'm still salty and a little pissed at that whole ordeal, as my room was fairly small and couldn't house all my stuff, leading to a cluttered mess, but that's not the biggest issue.
The issue that EVERYONE had an issue with, as with any group of people that live together, the dishes.
Steve set all the rules for these. First, everyone had to do dishes for two days. With four people, that leads into six days, meaning one of us would have to take one day a week. So, of course, Steve is the one who only gets that one day. In fact, when I moved out, Peter told me that he and Wendy both have three days, and Steve still only had one. What a coincidence! It's not a revolving schedule either, it's stagnant. Wendy had Monday and Tuesday, Peter had Wednesday, and Thursday, I had Friday and Saturday, and Steve, the smug son of a gun, only got Sunday. Gee, how lucky of him.
Dishes need to be done after dinner, as that's when most of the dishes would be made.
If you missed a day, your you carried over into the next day, meaning whoever's day it was next would be exempt, unless you got them done in time.
In other words, let's say Peter missed Thursday, and needed to do them on Friday. If he got them done before dinner on Friday, I still had to do Friday.
And, whether you did them or not, you are responsible for putting all the dishes, pots, and pans away from the night before.
Now whenever I would explain these rules to anyone, people looked at me like I had tow heads and was making this up. No. The dishes were Steve's domain, and Hell hath no fury like anyone who disrespected the rules. Okay, that's a little much, but he was serious about this, and wouldn't budge. I brought up the idea "What if we just wash our own dishes?" That makes sense to me. You dirty it, you clean it. He gave me two reasons on why he doesn't do that. He says "It doesn't make sense" and "It uses up too much soap and water." Steve's real issue is that all his former roommates (and current, Peter and his girlfriend) don't make a lot of dishes, but he and Wendy do. He doesn't think it fair that he and Wendy should do a lot of dishes while the other roommates don't have a lot of dishes. I'm a simple guy, I ate a lot of foods that didn't require many dishes. I don't make three course dinners. I make one thing. I have a plate, maybe a bowl, and a fork, and I'm done.
That's a bit of context, I know, but here's where the good stuff starts.
This bit takes place the beginning of the next year, 2022.
Before I moved in, the person before me was Wendy's older cousin, Mary. I don't know her age, but I know she's older. Probably late 30's at the time, but don't quote me on that. Mary has a mental disorder where she has the mindset of a very young child (I think around 6 to 9 if memory serves.) She would often visit us every now and then. But one night, she decided to stay the night. It's Friday night, and I'm about to start my dishes, but I'm stopped by Wendy who tells me if I'm gonna do the dishes to be quiet because it's past Mary's bed time. At this point, it was barely past 9 PM, and Mary was already laying down about to sleep in the pull-out couch/bed thing. I'm about to do the dishes! That's gonna be a bit loud, no matter what I do unless I move a snail's pace. I look at the sink, there's barely anything in it, so I figured "No problem, I'll do it in the morning." So I go upstairs, chill for a few hours, and pass out sometime around 2 or 3 AM (usual for me).
I wake up the next early afternoon, and head downstairs, ready to do that small load, and that's when to my horror, I see it - Mount Everest. Dishes upon dishes upon pots upon pans upon Tupperware, MY GOD, the Tupperware. It blocked the whole window. It was dangerously close to crashing onto the floor, and spilling out into the dishrack and onto the stove. The pile was taller than me (5'9" for context), and I was terrified. At first I'm in shock. Then I let out a laugh, thinking this is a sick joke. Then I look at the Tupperware. All of it is filthy. Disgustingly so! A few thoughts ran through my mind. First thought was Steve was hoarding this in his basement. I didn't think anyone could be that bad, so I shelved that thought. My second thought was maybe Mary woke up through the night, and tried to made food? No, no one person could eat that much in a few hours. Final thought, maybe she wanted to make breakfast for everyone, but didn't know how? That's a maybe, but doesn't explain the Tupperware, so the only conclusion I can come to was it had been hoarded. This thought was further driven home when my roommates got home, with no Mary in sight. They all went to the coffee place down the street for breakfast, and Mary went home after. I ask them where this mountain of terror came from, and Steve barely reacted to it, and claimed he didn't know where it all came from. Neither did anyone else for that matter. I thought it must have been a prank, but it wasn't a funny one because I was legitimately stuck with this. I did what I could, but it was too much for one person to do. Fortunately, I made a significant dent, but couldn't finish it that night. There was just too much to do.
I had an early and late shift to do that day, so I couldn't progress further on the Sunday, but I pleaded with everyone in the house to have some mercy. Go out to eat. Order food. Something. I even offered to pay for it. But they refused, and made EVEN! MORE! The mountain was bigger than the night before! And all Steve said "You should have finished yesterday."
They saw what I had to work with. What I did took me three hours for what was probably just less than half.
That night, I stood in the kitchen for six hours, no joke, nor exaggeration, six hours, on top of the three from the day before. It took me that long to clean EVERYTHING! I had to keep stopping to dry everything and put it away. And here's the thing. There was so much, it didn't fit anywhere.
I finally finish, and go up to my bed with a sore lower back, feeling emotionally dead.
Similar things happened a few more times where a massive pile that shouldn't be there waiting for me was there. So, I made a plan to show Steve what that was like. For a month, I hoarded my "dirty" dishes in my room. I say "dirty" with quotes because most of them were clean. Either way, on Saturday nights, I'd sneak downstairs when everyone had went to sleep, and left them in the sink for him that following sunrise. When he checked out the sink, he got pissed off, and yelled at everyone. I never managed to figure out how they made that initial mountain for me, but after Steve was hit with that a few weeks in a row, it never happened to ANYONE again.
Eventually, I got fed up with his rules. I couldn't treat the house as if it was mine, he kept making new rules and imposing them as the law, I couldn't even question him without being hit with a lecture, rather than be given a simple answer, so I eventually said that I was done, lying to them and saying it was financial struggles.
They were pissed, but I needed to get out of there. Despite paying the rent, it wasn't my house, it was his and Wendy's. I was just staying there.
Now it's 2026, I'm 31 this coming August, but that mountain of dishes still haunts me. I think it might be my sleep paralysis demon, lol. Every so often, I think about it, and it got me thinking if I maybe went too far in getting him back for it. I don't think I did, but I'm unsure. So I ask you, Reddit, am I the asshole? | r/novelwriting or r/mylifestory |
AITAH for posting about an issue in the AITAH subreddit and getting my post removed? | I, 79 F posted a speech 22 days ago, with the help of my tech savvy son. I found out my post got removed and it was called "fake" by a moderator. First I would like to say I am not an AI bot. Or even a fake. I'm a simple old woman who has a rap career and I was not advertising. I think the moderator should have contacted me to ask about whether my post was fake of not. I would have gladly supplied evidence prooving how it is very real and very true! Once again being silenced by the media! Nonathy Bajingo is my name, and if you can't handle bars this tame.. you'll be in for a shock. So get ready to rock!! 🤘
So... am I the asshole? | LOL thank you for this today. |
AITAH for telling my stepdaughter I don't want to be her mom anymore? | Hello guys! I decided to share my story here and hopefully gather some input on a situation that is causing me some real issues currently.
TLDR: My stepdaughter found some of my old spicy tapes from when I was a porn star. After finding them, she sent copies to my husband, my mother and my father-in-law. My husband already knew I was a porn star in my twenties, but his parents did not. They have since slandered my name to relatives and tried to convince my husband to end our marriage.
When my stepdaughter realized that my husband already knew about my past, she apologized and is now trying to reconcile. However, after the things she said to me and the damage she caused, I cannot bring myself to forgive her or go back to the way things were.
Would I be the asshole if I did not forgive her?
FULL STORY: This will be very long, so bear with me. (Btw. I am using fake names in this story).
I am a female in my late thirties (36), and I am married to Josh (40). He has a daughter, Ella (18), who still lives at home and is in her first year of university. I have been married to Josh since Ella was 12 years old. She was on good terms with her bio mother until her mother got married and ghosted her and her father when Ella was only 11. It broke her so much that Josh decided to give it more time before Ella and I would meet.
Once we got engaged, Josh finally introduced me to Ella, and surprisingly we clicked right away. We both loved anime and video games, and we would often play video games together and watch different animes together. When my husband and I finally got married, she was a junior bridesmaid, as I wanted her to be a part of the wedding. She was there for the whole process and was very excited for her father and me to be getting married.
When Ella turned 14, she finally started calling me mom, and we were closer than ever. Around 17, her mother came back into her life, and her father agreed to let her see her mother every month. She still called me mom, but became more distant than she had ever been. At 18, she started calling me by my name. I will not lie, it stung, but despite all that I still treated her like my daughter and called her my daughter to others.
The point of all this is to show you how close we were and how her behavior shifted. About two weeks ago, Ella asked me if she could borrow some of my body lotion from my room. I did not think twice about it because she has done that in the past, but this time I noticed she was taking a while to come out of my room. I called her name and she did not answer, so I checked on her. She looked panicked and just grabbed the lotion off my dresser and rushed out. I thought it was strange and assumed maybe she was stealing my lipsticks or something petty. I got a little annoyed but brushed it off.
A few days later, we were hosting a dinner for New Year’s Eve. My husband’s parents and my sister were invited over for the countdown. During the countdown, my mother in law received a text on her phone and got up from her seat. She whispered into her husband’s ear and showed him something on her phone. At first I was confused but not bothered, until my father in law called out to my husband and told him to look at his phone. He did, and his face went pale. He immediately started panicking and asked Ella to talk to him in a separate room.
Before that could happen, Ella loudly announced, “Did you know that your wife is a wh\*re?” My mother in law immediately showed me the video and started berating me in front of everyone. My sister tried to deescalate and defend me, but my stepdaughter kept instigating by telling her grandparents that I was probably cheating on her dad. This made my mother in law erupt. They tried to convince my husband that I was definitely cheating and that I was not a good fit for him. My husband already knew about the work I used to do and had my back, which only angered them more.
My husband’s parents left abruptly after a huge argument, during which my father in law called my husband a “cuck.” After they left, my sister left shortly after to give us time to sort things out. My husband dropped Ella off at his parents’ house for the night so he could talk to me and cool down.
Two days later, he brought Ella home and talked to her while I was out of the house. He explained that he knew everything about my past and had always been supportive of it. According to him, she realized she had made a huge mistake. She cried and apologized to him and told him that her bio mother told her about my past. At first she did not believe her, until she found the tapes.
My husband called me and asked if I wanted to talk to her, but what he did not tell me was that he was next to her and had me on speaker. I ended up saying that I did not feel like I wanted to be near her and that I did not want to be her mother anymore. She heard everything and started crying on the phone. She told me she was going to stay with her grandparents for a bit until things cooled down. I agreed, and that has been the arrangement up until recently.
My in-laws have already started telling people my business and slandering my name because of this, which makes me even more angry at her since she has had every opportunity to correct them but has not. I know she is only a teenager, but I cannot bring myself to go back to the way things were just because she apologized.
Please, a little help would be nice. Am I being harsh?
EDIT: I absolutely did not expect this many comments, so quickly. Thank you for all the nice replies and those who actually want to give their thought and genuine advice. I'm sorry if I can't reply to all the comments. I'm reading them all and trying to reply to certain comments in order to give clarifications, but I want to address some things here instead to clear up any confusion.
1. I was 20 when I created my first movie. Yes, DVD's existed back then (I'm confused on how some people think DVD porno's didn't exist in 2010).
2. Ella was able to find the porno online using the info on the DVD. No, I don't know the details on how she did it. Although realistically, it shouldn't be hard to find, as I myself have searched for my content and have found it easily. Her father told me that she had screen-recorded one of the videos.
3. I kept the DVD's because I was proud of my content at one point. And my husband had requested that I keep some of the ones he liked. I had never had the thought that my stepdaughter would snoop through my things, so no i did not burn it or hide it.
4. No, this is not a karma farm or whatever some are saying. If you don't want to believe the post, you can scroll. I don't even know what karma does.. but thats besides the point lol. I will not be posting links to my old movies. I am married and couldn't care less if you believe my post.
5. I do not HATE my stepdaughter. I just need time to process things. I am still a human being.
6. My stepdaughter's bio mom is friends with my ex boyfriend, and he was very involved at that point in my life. Thats how she knows about my past. My husband did NOT tell her. She found out from a third party.
7. Josh and I were dating when Ella's mother ghosted my husband and stopped visiting Ella. Yes, she was 11. We dated for about 2 years before we got engaged. We were engaged for 1 year. During that time, my friends and I got really into Naruto and were binging the show. We were close pre-wedding. We clicked instantly is a bit of an exaggeration, but she warmed up to me pretty quickly after she and I found out about our shared interest.
8. I will try to update as soon as possible, but I probably will take some time to actually take the advice in the comments. And yes, therapy is an option. | NTA, you are not being harsh. An 18yo should know better and deserves the harsh consequences of sharing such personal information and videos in the manner that she did. She wanted to disrupt and cause embarrassment. |
Me (M 25) hooked up with a girl (F 25) that was was meant for my friend (M 28), AITAH? | Me (25 M) and my friends, Mike (28 M) and Hector (26 M)were headed to a concert in Austin Texas, and for a weekend of partying. The plan was that us three arrive on Friday for the concert and on Saturday the rest of our friends would meet us there. Along with these friends was Mike's girlfriend Jenna (28 F) and her friend Anna (25 F). On the drive over on Friday, Mike and Hector (mostly Hector) were telling about how they've been talking to Anna for the past couple of weeks. Hector was hoping to have a fun time with her and hopefully get "lucky" as he put it. So fast forward to Saturday evening, Jenna, Anna, Mike, and Hector decide to go grab a bite to eat before a night of clubbing. After they return we all start getting ready for the night and I overhear Mike and Hector talking in a bedroom on the far-side of the AirBnB. During dinner, Hector felt like Anna vibe completely changed and she was acting "weird" and "dismissive" around him. According to Hector, she had been kind of acting like this even before the trip. So her acting "weird" at dinner was confirmation for Hector to stop pursuing Anna. Me and Mike consoled him and gave him advice but Hector was set on just not interacting with her for the rest of the weekend. **It is important to add that it never crossed my mind to start talking to Anna or try to woo her at all.**
We all pre-gamed and got ready to head to the club. Anna was sitting next to me in the car and we immediately hit it off. We were talking the whole ride over about various things and lightly flirting here and there. We arrive at the club and we are all having a fun time. While we were dancing, I twirled Anna around and went in for a kiss. After that we were talking for a bit and she told me why she ended up not liking Hector. She pretty much got the ick when Hector would show up to her house unannounced and make himself at home. Since they were talking at the time, she just found it a little odd. Hector would also start to sleep in the same bed as her, again un invited. So Anna's solution was to semi-ghost Hector and act like she wasn't home when he would visit.
Hector did not seem like that type of guy and it was disappointing and disheartening having to hear it from the person that it affected. I apologized on his behalf and told her that I couldn't believe he would do something like that. Anna said it was fine and was glad that she probably was no longer going to talk to him anymore. She then asked if she could share my bed with me since she would have had to sleep on the couch and she didn't feel like sharing a room with Mike and Jenna after a night out. So I accepted and told her it was fine to sleep in the same bed as me. **Even at this point, I still did not even have the intention of doing anything beyond just sleeping in the same bed as Anna.** We ended up having sex and now Hector doesn't even want to talk to me. AITAH? | Depending on her scheduled hook ups, Anna could have fit Hector in later. NTA. |
AITAH for not speaking to a friend who leaked my NSFW profile to my sis? | This is my secondary account FYI.
In the summer of 2025 I started posted pics of myself in several NSFW reddit subs. At first they were SFW pics and I loved the attention. Eventually I started posting more and more risqué photos and my following blew up. I got a ton of requests to start an OF so did just that. My friend I’ve known for over 20 years knew about my Reddit and saw my posts. She promised she didn’t care or would tell anyone but she just wanted me to be careful.
Well eventually she ended up telling my sister I had an OF. She said she was just worried about me which I understood. I actually wasn’t even mad. But then I had saw texts between her and my sister and she showed my sister my Reddit and all my posts. To me that crossed a line since now my sister had access to all my posts and that’s not something I want her to see. I get it’s the internet but still, she would have most likely never known had it not been for my friend telling her.
Once I found that out, I immediately felt betrayed and stopped talking to my friend. It’s been over 4 months and she’s reached out a couple times to make amends but I don’t respond.
AITAH or am I right to not ruin a long friendship over this? | Surely you knew this would happen one day? |
AITAH Am I the idiot for asking for time after he "broke up with me" via text? | M 17 | F 19
We met two years ago and started dating five months later. After that, he brought me here because of his strange behavior... We weren't having a good time as a couple. I felt somewhat excluded from his plans, even a burden, because, well... He was doing his military service while I was studying in the middle of last year, and that's when those nasty comments started coming in, saying that men who go into the barracks change completely and that our relationship wouldn't be the exception. I mentally prepared myself to see him on weekends.
At that time, he was going to school and then to the barracks afterward. Our communication decreased significantly, especially after he graduated last year. The problems arose from a lack of communication, but honestly, I didn't consider them very problematic. It's just that when he went out on weekends, he completely ignored me. He told me things as if I were the last person he'd ever tell, he didn't answer messages, and I felt really bad about it. Our dates were normal; we talked about our weeks or other normal things.
To get to the point, there was a time when one of his superiors, who they call "Old Man" at the barracks, ended up taking his phone and pretending to be him. He was nice to me, but then he asked me for nudes, which I refused. I joked that I wouldn't go that far with noobs, but I was really scared because honestly, I don't like my body, I don't have enough self-esteem, and I felt uncomfortable.
Then he deleted the messages, and my boyfriend told me it wasn't him, it was his old man who did it... I had calmed down and asked him to at least put a password on his messages with me.
(Spoiler: he didn't) Then a week ago, I went to work, came home very tired, and my phone battery was dead. I charged it to check the notifications, and there was a message from my boyfriend saying something like: "We can't continue because I met someone better, we're over."
I was very tired, but I felt a wave of sadness because just the day before, he was acting normal. I said I was fine and blocked him. I was so tired I fell asleep, and then in the middle of the night I woke up to calls from him. I answered sleepily, and he told me that one of his exes had done it again. I scolded him, told him he couldn't keep making the same mistake, and that I would unblock him when I felt ready to talk because I felt blank. What he said about breaking up felt real because, well... I only wanted to block him because I was afraid that one of his exes would pull another "prank"... He even had the same handwriting.
The next day I tried to distance myself, and that's when he started messaging me on his pinned messages saying:
"Why did you block me? Are you tired of being with me?" (I literally told him a week before it happened that I felt bad because he wasn't paying attention to me or was leaving me until the last minute, like I was leftovers, like I wasn't one of his priorities.)
So I sent him a screenshot of the conversation where he broke up with me via text message, and I told him I'd already given him my reasons.
Then, hours later, he sent me a message saying: "I tried my best and I'm sorry for the mistakes and the misunderstanding. I appreciate what we shared and I wish you peace."
Then I angrily asked him if, since he was breaking up with me via text, it would be better if he talked to me in person about what he was asking for.
From there, I received absolute silence. He blocked me via text message... But here I feel confused... He blocked me through that medium, but he didn't delete the relationship on other social media platforms. He didn't block me there, he didn't delete the relationship on Facebook, but now he's not talking to me...
So I ask you, am I the idiot for asking him for time? | Wait .. he is 17 and was doing military time at 16? |
AITAH for wanting to leave my mother behind for my partner? | I need to know if I’m truly being disrespectful and horrible or if my mother is just abusive and manipulative because I don’t know anymore and it’s actually starting to drive me crazy.
For some context im 26m with autism, generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder and depression. This means that over the course of my life ive had to rely on her for a lot of help, she never used it against me and I always showed her respect and that I was grateful (at least I think I did?) anyway, this meant that me and my mum have always been close.
Last year things changed, I met my current girlfriend 27f. She understood all my issues, never judged or questioned them but After meeting her and dating her, it’s like a flip had been switched. I started getting over my anxiety to the point I don’t even need my medication anymore, I started to realise that i didn’t need as much help with things, I was able to take myself on walks and I even took a massive step and was able to take public transport for 3 hours to see her. Whenever I’m in her presence or staying in her house I feel so much calmer and at ease. Due to my issues I was never able to finish school but This year I’ve started taking exams and tests I need to actually live, steps to better my future and my life. My girlfriend has continued to help me when I need it and has never once made me feel like less of a person. Shes amazing and I feel like I could go on forever but that’s not the point of this.
Since meeting my girlfriend my mother has had massive issues. The first time my mother saw my girlfriend she immediately had an issue with my partners skin colour. My mother even cried and asked how I could do such a thing, she told me I had betrayed her but she eventually accepted it. But the main cause of the issue is that I’ve been visiting my girlfriend every weekend. My mother has been telling me that I’m showing her no respect, that I have to make a decision because there’s no point in me staying at home anymore. The first time we had this argument she threatened to kick me out, threatened to hit me but that night she came into my room crying and apologising, she made me agree to compromise that I wouldnt go every weekend but I’m sick of that. I don’t understand why I cant see my partner whenever I want? Why I should be threatened over it? So I stayed with my partner over Christmas and I’ve been visiting every weekend since Christmas and the argument happened again. My mother telling me that I show her no respect, that im ruining the relationship we have. Even now she’s messaging me “we used to be so close and it’s all going out the window. The most hurtful part is that you don’t care”
Me and my partner have discussed me moving in with her this year but I need to finish my tests and exams first but I’m reaching a point of wanting to just up and leave and be with my partner.
I don’t understand what’s happening? Why can’t I see my partner whenever? Why now that I’m finally getting better is she so unhappy? I don’t see how my mother could be abusive when she’s supported me my entire life and helped me so much but I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong? I’m honestly really upset, I’m overwhelmed because I don’t know if it’s me or not? | Sounds a little like Munchausen by Proxy.
Your mom gets something out of your dependence on her.
But, I think it might be better for you to find roommates to live instead of a GF. |
AITAH for not feeling guilty about my past while my boyfriend and I weren’t together? | I (18F) was talking to a guy (19M)on and off for almost a year. Despite him kissing someone else and telling me he can’t date because he has commitment issues, I was willing to wait on him because he said he’d “wife me up.”
In October, I found out he was doing sexual stuff with his friend’s sister while liking that friend. He didn’t have sex with anyone, but they did other things. After that, I wondered where he got the audacity to act like he could dictate my choices. I texted him a few days later just to check in, he didn’t respond, and I deleted his number. I left him alone completely.
Now, a few months later, he came back saying he messed up and wants to commit because he admitted he couldn’t give anyone a reason why we never dated when his friends asked about me. We’re officially together, but he got upset when I said the last time I had sex was after we stopped talking. He’s telling our mutual friend I “did something with someone else,” even though he did stuff too while we weren’t dating. He’s also a virgin, which I think partly explains why he’s reacting strongly, but I still feel like I did nothing wrong.
I feel like I don’t owe him guilt over my choices while single especially since HE didn’t want to commit.AITA?
Edit / clarification: I’m also confused about how to even address this because he hasn’t said anything directly to me. I only know he’s upset because our mutual friend brought it up. He hasn’t communicated his feelings to me at all. | NTA. Girl, just run. I didn't even need to finish reading your post. |
WIBTAH if I stopped listening to my boyfriend's music because he indirectly called me a stalker | Yeah so my boyfriend is a musician and I've always considered myself a big fan of his music and I do my best to be supportive.
Yesterday he told me that him and his friends were joking around and calling me "Misery" (like the psychopathic stalker in the movie 'Misery' played by Kathy Bates) because I said I was my boyfriend's biggest fan.
Obviously this upset me and I told him that if he felt that way then I would no longer be a fan if it was so cringy and clingy and psychopathic?
I unfollowed his sad Spotify page and sent him a screenshot.
WIBTAH if I legit stopped being a fan over this? It's really hurting my feelings and honestly makes me not want to listen anymore. | NTA-and you should just stop seeing this guy. He sounds like an asshole. |
AITAH for setting firmer boundaries with my roommate after, not only being told by my landlord they were breaking rules, but also after months of them being incredibly rude and inconsiderate to me? | Hi, I own a mobile home parked in a closed community park. The rules are a little tight here, but the park is very nice and my landlord is very reasonable. One of the rules states that there can be "No Unautherized Overnight Guests," which I have come to understand means "people who aren't on the lease shouldn't be here most days of the week" after several conversations with my landlord about the topic, with her citing accountability and liability issues she's experienced with previous tenants.
To preface some, my roommate is recently divorced and came to me for help when she was in the process of leaving her husband. I agreed that she could stay in my spare room (for an INCREDIBLY reasonable rent price, and I even wound up lowering the rent after my partner moved in-we'll touch on that in a moment) fot as long as it took to get on her feet.
At first, things were pretty alright. She always paid her rent on time, was very communicative about any issues she had, and it was just nice to have another detail-oriented female energy close by. The only thing thay bothered me at this time, was that she would consistently come home very upset after sneaking off to her soon-to-be ex's house; and to be clear, it was none of my business, nor did I care much where she spent her time aside from it making her so upset, and lying to me for literally no reason. She said she didn't want to feel "judged," which I understood, but I don't like feeling like I am being lied to either, especially over something so arbitrary.
She did move out for a brief period to try and reconcile her marriage, but less than 3 weeks later was moved back in. Soon after they finalized the divorce, which I thought would be great.
Things continued to go well for a few weeks. She made plans to go back to school (which she has stuck with so far and I am proud of her.) She started spending time with a guy from work, which quickly evolved into a relationship. I was happy that she was moving on, or at very least, trying to move on. But things started to get very strange at this point.
She began sneaking the new guy in to the house, and when I called her out for it, citing the lease rules and general consideration, she got defensive but several days later ultimately agreed to at least let me know when she was having company (I saw this as incredibly disrespectful of the household but pushed it off to maintain the peace.)
From this point on, things got worse.
While she tells me when he is coming over now, he spends most nights at my house because she "doesn't like his house anymore" (I could spend quite some time trying to unpack this, but this is already a lot and there is still more.)
My landlord (to be clear, I have my landlord, and I am considered my roommates landlord) approached me and told me 1) we have to stop leaving ruts in the yard (a situation caused by her having her boyfriend over 5-7nights a week) and that her boyfriend can't stay here 5-7 nights a week without being on the lease. I came to a compromise that the boyfriend could be here on the weekends as long as we do something about the rut, the grass, and the parking situation. She verbally agreed. I woke up the next morning and she had snuck him in, saying "I didn't want to risk waking you up" when I asked why she didn't even leave a text message, after everything I had gone through with my landlord to arrange this for her in the first place.
My partner lived separately for the first chunk of our relationship. Recently he was in a house-fire that put him out of his apartment. After a few days of him camping out with me, realizing he wouldn't be getting his unit back, battling with Red Cross, etc. We decided it would be easier and better for him to just move in with me. His moving in was mentioned in passing for a few months, but the fire is what drove it home. Over the week that we were preparing to move him in, I told her the situation many times. His first real night moved in, she started mentioning rentals in the area that might fit his budget, instead of being welcoming to a man who had just lost almost everything in a fire. She then proceeded to ask me for a lower rate on her rent since there was a new room mate, absolutely no care in the world that we were navigating something devastating.
Not too long before this, my boyfriend and I made plans to go to an event in his home town. I made arrangements with my roommate to feed my cat, with the roommate and checked every other day just about, and every single time she confirmed that she would be there, until the day before. She did tell me she made plans to leave town about 24 hours before we left for our plans. She did help me set up an auto feeder, which was nice. But it didn't matter because my cat never got to use it. My boyfriend and I left before they did, and she wound up closing my cat in her room for 36 hours with no food, water, or place to use the bathroom. Instead of an apology she told me my cat shit on her bed, and that's all I heard about it.
We had an agreed-upon rule that she wouldn't use the dryer when I am asleep, because the dryer in right on my bedroom wall and keeps me awake. Over the past few months, she has begun to disregard that rule (especially on weekend mornings when I, like most people, prefer to sleep in.) The most recent incident being this past weekend, where my partner and I were both sharing a mutual off day, trying to sleep in. I got up for some water and my roommate was making breakfast, and she stated she would be starting the dryer soon, and that "I would be the only one it would bother," so she essentially stated she didnt care if I got back to sleep or not, in spite of the rule.
And finally. The thing that has truly been eating at me the last couple of weeks;
I got sick with a pretty serious upper respiratory on new years eve. As soon as I felt a tickle in my throat, I let her know. She decided she and her boyfriend would be spending the entirety of the holidays in my house (2 weeks, no breaks, no conversation at all. I let it go because I'm not a scrooge but I shouldn't have, I know.) A few days later, she also got sick. She then proceeded to send me a text wall about how I shouldn't spend time in the living room when I am sick, because "she stayed in her room when she got COVID and that's why I didn't get sick." At this point, I lost my sh!t, telling her that was totally inappropriate and uncalled for, that I gave her a warning and I won't be quarantining in my bedroom, because this is my home, and I deserve to be comfortable while I am sick in my own home. She never responded to that text, but I also never got an apology for this egregious overstepping of boundaries.
So reddit. I just want to know. Am I being the asshole here? Am I overreacting to the dishonesty? Am I supposed to hole up in my bedroom only when I'm sick? Am I supposed to lose sleep because of the dryer situation? I truly have no idea, otherwise I wouldn't be asking.
Update: Roommate has been MIA for two days, but I have a lease with a hard cease date for her last semester of school. It's a technical field so she should be placed upon graduation. In addition, the boyfriend is no longer welcome unless it's on a Saturday, both evening and overnight depends on whether I give the say so beforehand. And she can't use the fucking dryer when I'm sleeping, she either waits or takes it to a laundromat idc. I've learned that it's good to document stuff, that I need to be more assertive, and that its totally within my rights to make a bitch uncomfortable to protect the peace in my own house. So thank y'all lol | Time to say goodbye, your room mate doesn’t respect the rules or you.
Why is she still living with you? |
AITAH for not wanting my boyfriend to keep our relationship a secret anymore? | Throwaway and a little vague for anonymity. Sorry if anything is confusing.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, are both in our mid twenties, and are planning to move in together in a few months once the lease on my apartment is up. He is a loving and kind person, and has treated me like a princess for our entire relationship. In private, anyway.
The thing is, he has a public-facing job—one which he has been doing since before I met him through mutual friends four months before we started dating. I can't go into specifics but he makes content online where he interacts with his audience regularly and openly talks about his life. The only thing he is notoriously private about is his love life and family. I have always respected this, but I did ask him early into our relationship if he would ever let his audience know he was dating someone, and he said he would "if he thought he'd be with that person forever".
We are very close, and like I said, are even planning to move in together later this year. Especially in the last few months, I have found myself growing more restless with the fact that he hasn't told his audience he's in a relationship. People leave comments all the time asking about his relationship status or they DM him in hopes that they'll have a shot with him, and he has respectfully ignored those people, which used to be enough for me.
In public, he usually wears hoodies and hats with sunglasses to avoid getting recognized, and even then he won't kiss me or hold my hand. It's not like he just doesn't like to be affectionate, since he does these things in private and around our families. It's simply because he's worried people will see him out in public. As someone who really likes physical touch, this has always been something I've tried to ignore since I do understand.
That being said, I feel like we are at a point in our relationship where it's looking like we are going to be together for a long time (we have had the kids talk, the marriage talk, etc.) and our relationship overall is good. So, I asked him last night when I was at his place when he would finally let people online know he's in a relationship. He said very plainly that he didn't plan on doing that. When I asked him what he meant and referenced what he first told me when we got together, he said he felt like "it might ruin his public image" or "break the illusion for people" if they knew.
I didn't know what to say. I was upset so I just kind of said okay, and left his house a little while later. He could tell I was upset and tried to call me a while after I left, but I was already on the phone with my friend crying about what he said because my feelings were hurt, and I didn't want to talk to him right then. It's been a day since then, and he's been texting me asking to talk about it and apologizing, and I just messaged him back once saying I'd call him tomorrow. What he said back at his house hurt my feelings, but I can't help but feel like I'm also overstepping in a way. My friend said I need to consider the kind of position he is in with being online and relying on being likable to keep consistent viewership. He really loves his job, he makes good money, and has been doing it since before I met him, so I would never want to get in the way of those things. I do understand, I just also don't want to be kept a secret for the rest of our lives.
So, AITAH for not wanting my boyfriend to to keep our relationship secret anymore? | YTA for thinking there's any real relationship to be had here. It seems this guy's image will always be more important to him than you. |
Do I turn every relationship toxic? AITAH | Every single close relationship (platonic/romantic/anything really) I’ve had since as long as I remember was ruined. When I told people why I no longer associate with those people they would say it obviously wasn’t my fault but I felt like something was wrong like maybe I’m just overreacting or they’re lying to me or I’m manipulating the situation. I just feel like maybe I’m too picky like I expect people to be perfect and when they don’t match my perfect image of them I push them to their limits or find things I hate about them. However to be honest I don’t think I would want a relationship where I don’t see the other person as perfect in my eyes. They don’t actually have to be perfect but they have to meet a specific criteria. Does anyone know how I could fix this habit or maybe let me know what they think about this situation like if I am actually ruining these relationships or if you have noticed you have done this? Maybe I’m just really unlucky with picking people lol.
Anyways thanks for reading. | That's a long term therapy problem, not an AITA problem.
But generally if its everyone you interact with the problem is indeed you. |
AITAH for saying no | I have a neighbor who flys a confederate flag. My husband who is half white is an undercover brutha and seems to get along real well with the neighbor. I’ve tried to say hello to him a couple times but he just grunts at me and won’t look at me. Anyways, his house is filled to the brim with hoarding and has caused our fence to collapse. He’s offered to fix the fence at full cost and will be having some wood delivered to our yard. My husband will be at work and has asked me to engage with our neighbor in moving our cars out the way so he can deliver the wood to our yard. I told my husband how uncomfortable I feel engaging with our neighbor. He’s not very friendly to me. I’ve been really trying to work on listening to my feelings and not being a people pleaser. In this situation I was able to identify my discomfort before committing and then respectfully declining. He kept pushing and I finally stood firm and said no I cannot do that. Please figure it out with the neighbor just as you figured out the fence. It felt good to stand up for myself. But AITAH for saying no? | OP, I think I get it. I don't know why people are diminishing the neighbor's hostility. My DIL is a POC. Their neighbor was an old bigot. When my DIL was working in the yard, he'd stand at the fence and glare at her. If she said hello, he'd grunt or stay silent. He wouldn't look her or her mother in the eye. My DIL isn't a shrinking violet, but his behavior made her deeply uncomfortable. In your situation, my son wouldn't have expected her to try to coordinate with someone who was so hostile and uncooperative.
What makes your husband think the neighbor would listen to you anyway? If he's refused to interact with you before this, he may well be difficult and even hostile about the lumber and supplies.
NTA. |
AITAH married brother that already had martial problems has feelings for someone that I want to take on a date | My brother and his wife having been having problems for a long time, this is nothing new. He met this girl in NA that he feels his life and goals align with more and he has feelings for. His wife knows and it’s a discussion they are having and trying to work out.
Me and this girl met a few days ago and we really clicked( probably because me and my brother are pretty much best friends and very similar). We both have ALOT of common interests and by the end of the night we had a date set up. Now I feel guilt in my stomach about possible taking a potentially perfect partner for my brother. Do I be honest and talk to him or do I just hope he makes things better with his wife for their kids sake(they are trying and it seems like they genuinely love each other). I just can’t help to feel like I shouldn’t have done this and now I don’t want to hurt this girls feelings. | If she’s messing with your brother and she knows he’s married. What makes you think she won’t do that to you? |
AITAH for wanting to tell my Sick Roommate to fuck off | My (F27) roommate (M40) has been sick for almost a week. Its the super flu going round, hes coughing, congested, sneezing, ejecting germs absolutely everywhere. Im calling him Roommate A, hes lived here 8years.
We have 2 other roommates. One is out of town (just moved in), the other (Roommate B, M45) has been keeping to himself in his room only cooking meals in the kitchen. This is his usual, he has also lived here 8 years. I have been here since October (3 months).
Roommate A is a fucking strange guy.
He constantly rearranges the shared space to his own liking without asking anyone else. (Eg, we have a storage room in the house. He will take all my things in there and rearrange them into different shelves from where i left them, without asking. I once caught him in the middle of moving one of my bags to the garage outside. I had to state 4 times that i don't want my bag moved down there, or anywhere other than where i left it. He was trying to explain the garage was still a covered space the first 3 times, before finally putting my stuff back.)
He does this with the kitchen too.
He uses a very gross, old sponge to wipe all the counters down with water after every time anyone uses the kitchen. He HAS to rearrange the dishwasher every night and set it on himself EXACTLY before he goes to bed (it goes off in front of my room at 3am, waking me up, which i had to point out for him to turn the sound alert off it). He also usually unloads the dishwasher and puts everything back where he sees fit, based on his system (my tupperware always mixed with Roommate B's, in a cabinet i cant see or reach, all lids mixed into a separate drawer).
He also is the one to take out the garbage, has it set up in his own system, micromanages recycling (has told off guests for not rinsing containers properly), and gets upset if its done differently. Simultaneously complains no one else will do it.. despite us doing it whenever we see it full. This doesn't happen often, because he's just constantly in the shared space. He blasts his sports, shit movies, survivor Australia and even scrolls through reddit on the common TV ALL DAY.
He is the only one that 'works' from home, so naturally, he gets to things first.
Since i only hope to be at this rental for a few months, Ive picked my battles. I have sternly but respectfully asserted my boundaries around my things in shared spaces or him cleaning up after me constantly. Said it made me uncomfortable, I would like to organise and clean my own things, if im leaving a mess or things in his way he can lmk and i'll happily adjust or move my stuff myself. After initial "explaining"/pushback he's been respectful of honouring my requests.
The problem:
He has continued his dictatorship over the shared space, while plagued.
I work 3 jobs, am in grad school full time and have a mildly compromised immune system from years of treatment. I cannot afford to get sick.
BUT THIS MAN IS SHAMELESSLY COUGHING ON EVERYTHING. i saw him coughing into the dishwasher while unloading it yesterday. I instinctively pointed it out
Me: "Are you really unloading the clean dishes while coughing all over them?"
A "well what else am i supposed to do?"
Me: "maybe leave them so someone else, who isnt sick, can put them away."
A: Gave me a look i can only describe as deer in headlights. Continues unloading and coughing for the past few days.
He has also been putting his Sinus rinser IN THE DISHWASHER WITH EVERYTHING ELSE and drying it IN THE KITCHEN DRYING RACK!!
Ive been going to cafes and libraries even on my evenings off to avoid being home and around him. I took solace in the fact that he shares a bathroom with B and I have my own atm. But he went into my bathroom yesterday and took the floormats to wash (I clean my own bathroom and am a very tidy and organised person), i told him i assume that space is mine and do not want him to access it in any capacity. He said he was washing them with his towels on high heat, and went about it like its just what he does... absurd for living with 3 other people for the past 8 years.
As i type this post out I can hear him coughing and hacking in the living room. With each cough my fury bubbles and i get closer to snapping at this irresponsible, entitled man child. This whole situation has added urgency to my search for a studio unit (stagnated by my tight budget).
How do i navigate this? Do i tell him to stay in his room while hes sick? Do i tell him it's disgusting to put his sinus rinser all over the kitchen, especially where clean dishes go? Do i address the fact that he lives in a shared space but operates as if he owns the damn place??
| Keep your things in your room, pack up extraneous things. (You already said you are leaving soon.) Buy paper plates, your own cup, utensils. Keep to yourself. These people have been there a looooong time. You haven’t. Nothing is changing. Protect yourself, then move. |
AITAH for telling for telling my best friend (M17) to break up with his gf (F17)? | I have been friends with Zane for years, he's my best friend and I'll always love him. A couple of months ago, he got into a relationship with May. Their relationship had started out very well, they were inseparable (always hung out, in school and out, face timed every night, etc). Their first big argument had started because Zane wanted to have a hang out with our close friend group (a friend of ours had been going through some things). There had been some miscommunication and she had gotten upset that he wanted to hang out with us without her and accused us of "not trusting her." That was only the beginning of the arguments. Recently, Zane has been talking about how they have been fighting a lot. It's almost every time where he face times and and is clearly, visibly upset. I will usually automatically assume that something happened with May, and I am 99% always correct. There have been many instances where May is in the wrong and honestly, I'm starting to get tired of hearing about it. Zane has even been distancing from her more. He hasn't been wanting to face time with her every night (and he hasn't in a while) and will occasionally spend time with her outside of school. Even in school, he won't walk her to classes anymore. I understand where he is coming from though. But still, I have noticed that he doesn't exactly find tremendous joy in their relationship anymore. I know he loves her, but the constant bickering (always over text) that I keep hearing about is driving me a little insane. But, the last time he had gotten upset over something to do with May, I told him how I thought he should break up with her. He claimed he didn't want to, which is fair, it's his relationship, not mine. But close friends of ours have said that I shouldn't have told him to break up with her. So, am I the asshole? | NTA instead of saying break up with her maybe should have said seems like there are some issues with trust and other issues with you two. Maybe look closely at the whole relationship and see if things have changed in ways you don’t like. Go from there. It is saying the same thing but putting it on him instead. Apologize to your friend for that and just tell him it is his choice. Just know if he stays with her there are more of his complaints coming and if he does he will be very insecure if he made the right choice. Be a good friend and let him vent. It is one of the best ways for him to figure out his feelings in general. |
AITAH for telling my partner that he does not need to run everything by me? | I (33F) and my boyfriend (34M) recently moved in together and I’ve noticed he feels the need to either request permission for or just voice everything he does. Normally that’s not a big deal right? I just feel as though he doesn’t need my permission to put salt and pepper in the dish he makes for dinner. At first I felt bad like someone in his life hasn’t let him make his own decisions or something like that, and now I get annoyed at the minuscule things he is asking about. I briefly got snappy yesterday and said “hey you don’t need permission to do these things, you can do it however you want, I trust you can handle it.” AITAH for saying this? How can we make it stop? Should I accept it as a quirk and move on or? | You wouldn’t be TA for telling him, but snapping at him does. You should have said something sooner. Imagine cooking for your partner and saying “hey, what do you think about me adding pepper to the sauce?” And then he just snaps at you for asking him. Then you’re all like, “😳 WTF just happened?!?” |
Aitah for yelling at my wife for planning a trip for us UPDATE | Hey everyone, so I wanted to give an update on the situation with my wife and the anniversary trip she planned without me unfortunately it’s not a great update. Recap my wife planned our anniversary trip as a surprise and I did not appreciate it for a couple reasons, so we had a fight here is a link to my first post [Aitah for yelling at my wife for planning a trip for us : r/AITAH](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1q9cosn/aitah_for_yelling_at_my_wife_for_planning_a_trip/)
To start, I came home much calmer than I was the night before so we could just talk. We both talked and admitted we both messed up her for planning it and me for overacting. Frist thing I asked about maybe canceling it and if we did, we would lose a lot of money because the trip is only 3.5 weeks out.
Now here is the real problem Rose’s friend Beth who helped her plan the trip is coming with us on the trip on OUR ANNIVERASRY TIRP HER BEST FRIEND IS COMING IM SO PISSED RIGHT NOW ITS DRIVNG ME NUTS.
She did try to explain that Beth has her own hotel room and won’t do all the activities with us, but we would bump pass here and there on the trip. She said Beth just wanted a getaway and since she was already helping rose plan the trip, she just added her own stuff as well.
I was so mad I wanted to yell but I did better this time I stood up and told her I needed some space I took my laptop into our guest room and shut and locked the door to just decompress so I don’t say something hurtful again.
I told her I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight she looked hurt but nodded before apologizing and going to be. I feel sick to be honest it feels like they used to be anniversaries as a way of planning a friend’s trip or something. I’m really trying not to blow this up, but I’m so upset I can’t sleep in the same bed as her tonight
If I had to guess this was Beth idea but I’m upset with my wife for going along with it and messing up are anniversary. I’m going to bed and hopefully tomorrow won’t be so bad, and we can talk and figure something out.
UPDATE is posted. | Tell your wife that the trip is being cancelled and that you are not contributing anything towards the costs Beth has incurred. Beth and your wife can sort out the loss and if it means her friendship with Beth is over then that is the cost of allowing someone to interfere in your marriage. NTA |
WIBTAH if I requested my gf get her ex’s name tattoo removed? | ***on a throwaway account***
WIBTAH if I requested my gf get her ex’s name tattoo removed? To start…we started as casual, just sleeping together, never really thought about commitment. Over time things just progressed, and we had feelings for each other. I did not notice the tattoo until later on, when the relationship was already defined and in the developing stages beyond casual.
I never brought up the tattoo to her, because it never really felt like my place. The tattoo IS covered up, but it’s pretty poorly covered up and I can still very clearly see the name, and make out what the name says.
My girlfriend genuinely cares for this relationship, and I know she cares for me. She has been one of the most supportive, understanding, and healthiest partners I’ve ever had. I can see a future with her and I want that future with her.
…but I can’t get past seeing that name - even through the cover up. It’s rough seeing it and it stirs up emotions in me. So WIBTAH? And … if anyone wants to drop any bonus advice … how can I best talk to her about this without shaming her? | So, who would be paying for this? |
AITAH Husband trying to force interaction with someone I’m very low contact with. | My (40f) husband (41m) is trying to force me to socialise with a family member I have gone v low contact with.
This family member has accused me of awful things this year after the passing of a family member. All interactions with this person I now have to have in writing via a group chat to protect myself, and at one point had to seek external legal advice to make sure that I was protected if their accusations went further. Their behaviour has had a HUGE negative impact on my mental health, to the point I have had to go on medication for anxiety and am seeing a therapist.
This family member has contacted my husband wanting to organise a family get together. I told my husband he was free to go if he wished, but I don’t want to attend. He got angry at me saying “so you are going to just punish your nieces and nephews and just not see them again?!!”
We have seen them in the past but I didn’t stay long and it was just awkward and uncomfortable. I really don’t want to be around them, and despite being on medication, I’m on the verge of a panic attack and/or tears when they contact me even via text message.
He has threatened to call them in the past, after he saw some of the horrible things they were texting me and some of their wilder accusations, and threatened to “give them a gob full” and “tell her to pull her head in”. He was so angry and I had to talk him down as it was only going to inflame the situation even further. Even after seeing how this person has treated me he wants me to just get over it for the sake of ‘family’. Am I the asshole to hold my boundaries, even if I miss time with nieces and nephews? How do I explain this to my husband so he can understand where I am coming from? In his mind the situation is now over, and everything can just go back to how it was. From my point of view, this isn’t resolved. I can never trust this person again and have no wish to be in their company even if it makes family celebrations difficult. AITAH? | Your husband saying “just get over it” is easy when *he* wasn’t the one accused. Healing doesn’t run on someone else’s timeline. You’re allowed to protect yourself |
Aitah friend ultmatoum? | AITA?
Me (m24) have.. or I guess had a best friend m(21). We met in college and did everything together eat gym study etc. I graduated and I thought things would end there yet he countiune to talk to me during summer and we would still hang out. During this summer he comes out as bi, I don’t mind it at all and he has a girlfriend so I see no issue, and I’m straight.
We end up getting really close and he helps me through some very tough times. Then all of a sudden he ghosts me randomly. I hear from a mutual friend that he thinks I have feelings for him and that it’s possibly conflicting for him and his realtionship with his girlfriend . I immeadtily text my friend that I don’t have romantic feelings for him and I’m sorry if it came out that way but I don’t feel that way. We text for a little bit and I think things are okay. Then ghosting again and I try calling a few times. Then I give the ultamtatium for him to either call me or we’re done… he never replied. Was the ultamatium too harsh? He didn’t block me or anything but he’s just ignoring all my calls and texts. | He is already telling you he is picking the highway. YWBTAH to yourself for not letting him go on his merry way. |
AITAH for spending too much cb time with my family than with my boyfriend | my boyfriend (29M) and a I(23F) has been dating for an year now, and i currently live with him
i used to go back to my parents house once or twice every month, but we would fought about this because he thinks i’m “spending too much time with my family than with him” and “not for picking up my phone immediately”. My response to that is i want to spend quality time with my family, and would check my phone once every 3 hours. (i told about this beforehand). and his response was “then why dating a gf that doesnt pick up the phone”. In the end, i kept apologizing until he’s not mad anymore.
so since then, i go back home once every two months because i want him to feel like i prioritize and do care about him.
But he still got mad and said that i’m not willing to prioritize him, and should consider a breakup so i can date my family(?). I kept apologizing(i seriously don’t know what i’m apologizing for) and kept saying that i love him. But he wants me to propose a “solution”. so i just said, “i go back home less now…” and he just rolled his eyes and said “you are a b\*tch, you tell people you love them but you don’t do anything to change”
AITA…? | NTA but if I were you I would seriously consider ending this relationship. He is not interested in compromising - he is trying to isolate you from your family and making you believe you are in the wrong.
Please take care of yourself. |
WIBTAH for calling my friend by her ex’s name after she keeps mispronouncing my husband’s name on purpose? | WIBTA for calling my friend by her ex’s name after she keeps mispronouncing my husband’s name on purpose?
My friend and I speak the same language, just different dialects. Because of that, she says my husband’s name is “hard” for her to pronounce. It should not be hard because we speak essentially the same language. The issue is that she intentionally mispronounces it, even though I’ve corrected her many times and explained how to say it properly.
She laughs every time she does it, and the mispronunciation makes the first few letters of his name sound like the word “ass.” I’ve told her it bothers me, but she still finds it funny and keeps doing it.
Now I’m feeling petty and tempted to call her by her ex’s name, which is essentially the same name as hers, just with the first letter changed. I know it would bother her, and part of me wants her to understand how annoying and disrespectful this feels. | NTA. The next time she does it, call her the name and tell her you will call her that name every single time she does it again in the future.
I have to ask why you're still friends with someone who thinks your husband's name is a joke. Why stay friends with someone who intentionally disrespects your husband? |
AITAH for “selling my friends out” for a cookie? | AITA for “selling my friends out” for a cookie?
This started when a new boy, Z, came to my school. My friend S liked him, and after winter break, people helped set them up. Despite rumors that Z was a cheater, S got his number and they started dating.
Soon after, I heard that people—including our friend N—were calling S ugly and saying she looked like a frog. In science class, S confronted N about it. N didn’t deny saying it, and things got tense between S, M, T, and N. Later, during group work, N told me the others were mad because she didn’t tell them that her friend L had been talking badly about S. She asked if I’d tell a friend if someone was talking about them, and I said yes—but only what they needed to know.
When N left the room, S and M asked what we talked about. I hesitated but told them exactly that: if my friend was being talked about, I’d tell them the important parts. A few days later, things escalated after it came out that N had been talking badly about S in a group chat.
At lunch, I overheard S, M, and T talking badly about N and L. Later, when I went to sit with N and L, they asked what was being said. They joked about giving me a cookie if I told them. I told them two small things: that people said L should fight someone her own size, and that N had misunderstood a situation where someone wasn’t actually staring at her. They got upset and started acting like they wanted to fight.
I immediately told S, M, and T what I said. They were shocked and said I “sold them out for a cookie.” More arguing followed, and eventually people started saying I wasn’t a real friend. I got overwhelmed and walked away.
Later, S told me she understood why I did what I did and wasn’t mad at me. But by the end of the day, the rest of my friends were avoiding me.
So, AITA? | NTAH. This is why I avoid all gossip and drama. It never ends well if you're caught in the middle. |
AITAH for wanting to live alone | So for context I (27M) worked with lily(43f) at one of the worst jobs both of us have ever had. She trained me and we became real close (not like that she’s asexual plus I’m not into her like that). She got her place she was staying at through our job but both our jobs there ended real baddd (nothing on our part but it was messy and complicated). So they asked her to move out and gave her like two days notice (there was never a lease or anything). Ive been homeless in the past and wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I also recently moved into my own place for the first time(got a divorce). So of course I offered her a place to stay.
But now it’s been almost a year and every couple of months she asks if she can stay a little longer, she hasn’t asked yet and the deadline for when she’ll leave is almost here. I hate living with someone else and miss having my own place I only had it for like two weeks before she moved in. And for some reason the thing that pisses me off the most is her sleeping on my couch, I paid so much money for my couch but because she’s always in it it’s definitely worn but only on one side. And I always feel like I have to stay in my bedroom if she’s sleeping becuz I don’t want to be rude (my place is very small) I am def not vibing right not but I don’t want to ruin the friendship and it’s not like she doesn’t do anything around the house. she takes care of my dog and my turtle when I’m not here, she cleans, she lets me play video games in the living room when I want and my dog loves her(my dog hates everyone). but I miss having my entire place to myself all the time. And yes she does have a job and she might have gotten a second one but she won’t find out for another week. Im usually really good at tellng people how I feel but I don’t want her to feel unwelcome or hurt or anything I just want her to feel safe she’s my best friend. So honestly idk what to do cuz she hasn’t found any places or even talked about finding places but I’m also afraid of missing her and then feeling not to great cuz I’m alone (I know not healthy I’m on some meds 😂)
| NTA because, while you don't say if she pays you rent or anything, it sounds like she is just using you. She's a mooch. It's your place, and you deserve to have it back. You will probably have to come to terms with the friendship ending though. People like Lily tend to not see how bad their actions are and tend to end friendships over this stuff.
I have lived alone for the last 10 of the 12 years I've been a post college independent adult. And, I would honestly never have it any other way. The peace that I feel in my own home is something that I'm not willing to give up.
Also, check you local laws on how to evict people (in case she wants to make it difficult for you). |
AITAH for lashing out on my grandma? | I (17F) have a lot of trauma/PTSD and am uncomfortable/triggered when being touched randomly or without my knowledge or permission. I get uncomfortable easily, and am triggered by sudden/unexpected loud noises.
My grandmother (56F) is very aware of this, but doesn't seem to care.
For example, when I am in the bathroom she will walk by and bang on the door and scream, which is a sudden noise that triggers me. She also will sneak up to my room and scream, which again is a sudden noise. She also honks the car horn when I'm in front of the car, and other immature things like this. She also will come up to me and grab my arm, touch my breasts, smack my butt, touch my waist, touch my face, touch my hair, just mess with me in general. I have trauma from being violated (Grandmother is aware). Therefore, her touching me suddenly/without my permission or knowledge is very triggering and uncomfortable. I have never liked this, but after being violated, my dislike has gotten much worse.
I recently started to call her out when she would touch me. I'd say "I don't like when you touch me without my permission. I'm uncomfortable for a reason." and she just laughed it off, as if I were joking. I did this multiple times and she never stopped. So, I decided I had enough of it and when she touched me I'd lash out (Just get angry and talk louder - without screaming). This also happened multiple times. I've tried to explain to her that I've been touched without consent and that I have trauma, but she doesn't seem to care.
Am I in the wrong? Should I be fine with her touching me just because she is my grandmother? I feel like I'm not in the wrong, but she keeps acting like I'm overreacting.
TIA! (Also, if you've ever been through anything similar, I deeply feel for you and I hope you know you are worth so much. You're not alone.) | Your grandma is an entitled AH actively violating your known boundaries.
She isnt laughing because she thinks its funny; shes testing you because she knows you wont enforce proper consequences. That explicit touching after knowing about your trauma is vile.
Stop asking permission for your safety. Go fully No Contact if you cant move out, and immediately tell parents/guardians this is a hostile environment. You are NTAH. Stand on business. |
AITAH for refusing to do a “family photo”? | Context:
I live in Australia. My grandmother lives in the UK. I have no relationship with her due to that. She visits every year for \~6 weeks, stays with my parents (fully funded by them). I have a very complicated relationship with my parents and they don’t do anything for us or our kids. My father plays favourites with my eldest. All my parents do is criticise everything we do from afar and judge and then expect us to want to see them. They just rock up at our house for a few hours once every so often and make everything awkward for a few hours and then leave. They never ask about our kids, never offer to help with anything etc.
Anyway I put it this way: it’s almost like my father (so, her son) expects us to put on a little show for her visits. This year, I refused to take a family photo. She’s not part of our lives or our kids lives in any way other than a visit at the end of the year. The kids don’t even ask about her or talk about her. They don’t understand who she is, and I understand why - they never see her, and she just asks random questions when she visits. She’s not engaging with kids. She can’t hold a conversation with adults let alone kids… they don’t see her. So she’s not the fun great grandparent who has a funny story or some cool toys or something fun to do, and she just sits there awkwardly in silence. I don’t like the thought that she would have random photos of my kids up on her wall in her house, because that’s just weird? I wouldn’t put up photos of people I had no relationship with! And trying to organise a bunch of kids who absolutely do not want to pose for a photo, smile, etc is just “too hard basket”. I can tell so many stories of my great grandparents growing up because they were involved in my life but for my kids, my parents are not. So I don’t want to put on this little show and pretend that everything is cool because it’s not. I would go so far as to say I have grown to resent them for not being there yet I for some reason feel a sense of guilt as if I’m the one who has failed them…?? | Going with NTA
I think the bigger issue is not wanting to dance to your parents' tune, when they've taken every opportunity to belittle your parenting and show favoritism to your sibling(s). Enjoy the time with your kids. |
AITAH for telling my best friend not to talk to my distant cousin | I (14) dislike my distant cousin for many reasons, ill call her M (12F)
She met my friend group 1-2 years ago and has gotten extremely close to my friend (13F) who i will call rm
Rm and me are in this small friend group of 4 including us and my cousin has had a weird obsession with rm that got to the point where she had us all uncomfortable
She said she stopped liking rm for another girl in her class this year which is friends with us due to M. First rm is not in our school but another friend from my group is. (14F) ill call her S
M lied about her and her classmate dating to us and we only found out recently that they had never been together
Also her classmate said that M kept on grabbing her in inappropriate ways and would refuse to leave her alone even after they fought
That was extremely weird so we did confront M about this and i let S lead but M said “are you done” and cried when she got yelled at as if she didn’t know she shouldn’t give attitude to S who already hated her guts before since she had gone emo when S said to kill herself jokingly after she sent a lesbian pic when she was next to her mum
So recently i found old messages about her classmate and i sent it to the group saying that i hope it wasn’t about her because they were just weird and the thing is they didn’t even have anything insulting M
So god bless her but rm is stupid as shit so she sent the message to M who obviously got pissed and spammed me telling me that its none of my business but after that she deleted her messages so i told rm to stop sending our messages to M and to just stop being friends with M in general
So once again rm said to M exactly what i said and she wrote to me again saying what did she ever do to me
So M told her mum last week that she didn’t wanna come to our grandparents house which caused my family to ask what happened and i gave them the most i could without outing her as gay or outing myself cause we live in a homophobic country
So this week she came and S was staying at my place and was supposed to be going home on that Friday
So everything was normal and we took S home early cause she had pain in her throat
When i got back to my grandparents i went to sleep cause i was exhausted. And the next day i go downstairs early cause my mum texted me that we need to talk
She told me that M’s mum had taken my aunt aside and told her to tell me to apologise to and comfort M. My aunt declined cause M’s mum has no authority to make me do anything since we weren’t even blood related
She also told me that my aunt took M aside and told her to just not talk to me or if she didn’t want me near her she just shouldn’t come to Friday lunch at my grandparents house
I gave up and told my mum that M is gay and told the whole story as it was and my mum told me to never talk to M again. AITAH? | I couldn't read more than half. Ridiculous, melodramatic bullshit. I realize the people involved are very young, but good grief. |
AITAH for hiding wife’s keys and telling her she can’t leave home today? | I know this sounds controlling, but…
It’s raining today for the first time in weeks. She’s totaled three cars in 18 months. All of them on wet roads. I didn’t even know it was possible to roll a Camry in a single car accident.
She says I’m treating her like a child. I say I’m doing harm reduction. No rain in the forecast after today and grocery shopping can happen just fine tomorrow. | Your wife totaled 3 cars in 18 months and you’ve still found someone that will insure her? |
AITAH for calling my roommate's girlfriend a "confident moron" and making her cry? | This happened quite a few years ago but it still comes up sometimes and people tend to be torn on whether or not I'm the asshole so I figured why not let Reddit decide once and for all. At the time, I (22f) and my boyfriend (23m) let's call him Keanu, were looking at getting an apartment together but also with our mutual friend, Orlando (23m). The three of us got along really well, both Keanu and Orlando were big gamers and somewhat introverted although I would say Orlando was much more so than Keanu. We had a few squabbles in the first couple months but that was mostly figuring out the little things between each other on our boundaries, privacy expectations etc.
Point is, we had no problem communicating with each other so things resolved quickly and respectfully. That is until Orlando approaches us about having his girlfriend move in. So, first of all, before this conversation neither Keanu or I had any idea Orlando even had a girlfriend. Apparently, he had been online chatting with a girl from across the country for a bit over a year and when they had a falling out, the younger sister of this girl reached out to Orlando and then THEY began "dating" almost immediately. After only a couple months they wanted to not just meet for the first time but move in together, (meaning with us as well, not like find their own place)
Yes, it was as weird as it sounds but we tried very hard not to be judgemental or suspicious about it. Ultimately, Keanu didn't care but that was very much his personality, he's always been very "meh" and go with the flow until it effects him negatively. I was a bit apprehensive agreeing to live with someone I'd never met but I also knew Orlando had a hard time with relationships. He's very sweet and funny but he's not confident in approaching women and he's the type to always be friend-zoned so I wanted to be a good friend and support him.
Besides, I was fairly out-going and could get along easily with most people. Enter, Becky (19f) and to our collective surprise, also enter, Walter, her 12 yo but recently acquired rescue dog. The vibes were awful from the start. Becky was not just shy, but extremely standoffish. She had what I would I call "resting-contempt" face because resting bitch face just doesn't describe it correctly. She essentially had permanent side-eye, like she thought everyone and everything around her was dumb. I honestly wondered if her forehead and eyebrows were stuck like that.
Anyways, the first few months were relatively quiet. Orlando and Becky kept Walter in their room and even though there was some unruly barking and bladder issues it was contained to their space so Keanu and I figured, if anything, that'd be an issue for later (like if we were charged for the carpet after our lease was up). The changes were small at first. Orlando became more and more withdrawn from us, essentially only spending time in his room with Becky.
Before she moved in we shared meals together and split groceries but that was an issue for Becky so we changed to keeping things separate. Except they weren't entirely separate. While Keanu and I were not allowed to use any of her things (appliances, utensils, food etc) she used ours constantly. The hypocrisy was annoying but she didn't have many things and I didn't mind sharing so, whatever. But things never softened. Getting to know her was basically impossible, she had zero interest in interacting with us and any attempt on our end was met with silence and her never changing contempt face.
Orlando even tried initiating some convo between us when Becky started a CNA program. I had previously been a CNA and actually completed the exact same program so I followed Orlando's lead and just said yeah im here if you have any questions or want to pick my brain but as you can imagine it was an offer she never took me up on. Honestly, living with her was just straight up uncomfortable while also feeling like we were losing our friend, the tension never eased and then things started to escalate.
After she completed the program she got a job in an assisted living place and because that type of CNA work is a lot less intensive than working at like a nursing home or hospital her work clothes consisted of black pants and a polo shirt rather than scrubs. In this kind of job you're more like an assistant than a caregiver. She claimed they only gave her one uniform polo and she needed to wash and dry it every single day. We wouldn't have cared if this hadn't TRIPLED our powerbill.
She was literally washing and drying a single shirt 6 days a week and then washing the rest of her clothes at once on Sunday. We mentioned this to Orlando and that they needed to account for the extra cost and all we got back were excuses. "Well you guys leave lights on", "Adding another person would account for that" "maybe the rates increased" etc. Even though I showed him the breakdown and how it barely went up before she started working and in fact, no the rates had not increased, he still blew us off before finally concluding that we just don't like her. I told him it's not about that but this isn't just about the cost either.
We cannot reason with this person. She clearly wants nothing to do with us and any time I've tried to talk to her she just stares at me like im an idiot. I told her it was weird her work only gave her one shirt and I find it even stranger you couldn't at least buy more from your work but again all I got was contempt face. At this point, with Orlando's attitude and refusal to pay more towards the power bill I decided I was done tiptoeing around this girl. I told her to stop using my things and whenever she did something weird and stupid I no longer kept my mouth shut.
Like when she was making "potato fritters" and "seasoned" them by opening MY container of refill peppercorns for my pepper grinder and just placing 12 to 15 unground peppercorns onto each thinly sliced potato wedge she was sauteing in a pan. I wasn't even rude at first, rather than saying nothing like I previously chose to do, I spoke up saying, "hey, those are whole peppercorns they're meant to be put in a grinder to create pepper." To my surprise, the more I spoke out the more she did as well. So not only did I get contempt face but I also got, "*scoffs* well my recipe calls for peppercorns, so..." This is when I realized she truly is dumb.
I had been giving this girl waaay too much grace (not something I thought I'd ever say lol) I figured she was shy, I figured her disdain was just insecurity, and I figured her face was just stuck like that but no she was just dumb (19🤷♀️) and rude. Thing is, it was actually very freeing to learn. For me, the tension dissolved and I now found these annoyances pretty hilarious, especially once she started talking. Her reasons for things and her attitude was so immature and bizarre that I found myself almost looking forward to what she'd do next just to hear her asinine reasons.
There were so many examples to choose from but this is my favorite and ultimately the one that made her cry (I'm not proud of that BTW but I'm not ashamed either). Anyways, here's how it happened. I came home and Becky was "cooking" at the stove. It took me a minute to understand what I was seeing. She had one of my pots half-filled with boiling water and then topped with aluminum foil to which she had poked a couple of holes in the center so some steam was making it through.
She then placed about 3 frozen potstickers on top of the foil (she tried for more but the foil couldn't handle more weight) and then she took another slightly larger pot (also mine) and placed it over top of her contraption like a lid that would never fit. I watched as she tried to balance the larger pot as if she'd be able to leave it there but eventually she gave up and just held it. Inside I was roiling with laughter. I didn't even care she was once again using my stuff without asking.
I said as neutrally as possible, "Whatcha doiiiiin?" This wave of pride and superiority came over her, my htg first thought was like oh so her contempt face isn't permanent and it has a nasty cousin. Then she goes, "its a homemade wok." The unsaid "duh" just hanging in the slightly steamy air as I tried to comprehend what I just heard. I didn't own a wok but I certainly knew what they looked like and this setup was definitely not a make-shift version of one. I tried to explain it gently.
"Listen, a wok is shaped more like a large mixing bowl and the point is to heat oil in it and kind of move the food you're cooking in and out of the oil, like healthier deep frying (you try explaining this at 23) what you've got here is basically a steamer. Which, I have a steamer insert to my big pot, you could steam the whole bag all at once if you switch all this over." She did not take this well. She removed the "lid" and then switched out the 3 potstickers while she snapped back at me, "I KNOW what I'm doing. I did research and this is the only way to make a homemade wok."
I was still trying not to laugh but I looked at the 3 potstickers she removed from her "wok" and a little giggle came out as i said, "Dude... these are still frozen." Her reply is why I've never been ashamed of making her cry. She turns to me with the contempt face im used to, holding her "lid" with a shaky wrist and says, "It's called 'El Dent', are you fucking stupid?" OH hell no.
I took the "lid" pan out of her hand and dropped it in the sink, turned off the stove and moved the other pan off the heat and essentially backed her into a corner of the kitchen with my aggression and likely the look on my face. Her face was both surprised and a little scared, it was almost enough to deflate my anger. Almost. "Becky, you are quite literally the most confident moron I have ever met. Worse? You have zero respect, consideration or self-awareness. It is truly baffling. You think you know everything? Fine. Your life is going to be a quick walk off a short bridge and I'll go back to keeping my mouth shut about it as long as you never touch ANY of my shit again."
The silence was a bit deafening, I'd let all my resentment towards this girl explode out of me in one fell swoop and I was beyond compassion at that moment. She was just staring at me so I made my eyes all big and as condescending as possible, I said, "This is where you nod and say 'okay'..." Tears formed in her eyes and she ran off to her room slamming the door. I did not later apologize. When Orlando freaked out on me after hearing her version I did not apologize or explain myself except to say, "When someone calls me 'fucking stupid' I think im entitled to a response." And respond I did.
Anyways, there it is. I tried to be as honest as possible and provide all relevant context in order to get a fair and unbiased Reddit verdict. Please help me put this to bed once and for all, AITAH? | PARAGRAPHS |
AITAH for telling my friends to not come to my birthday party | My birthday was in a few days and i was discussing with my friends what i was gonna do so i invited all 3 of them over to my house, previously before this my mother asked what i wanted to do and i said hang out with family like I've been doing every year since my 8th birthday i don't have autism but i understand why a lot of autistic's hate when they need to change routine.. you think about all the weird awkward moments, something getting out of hand or even disasters,
i was honest with my friends and said i don't want them to come over not because i don't like them but because i was uncomfortable changing routine but my mom and i got into a bit of an altercation and she thought my friends have done something to me to make me not want to invite them over.
I repeatedly told her no they haven't done anything to me i just dislike changing routine and she insisted i invited them- and then i was told it was "up to me" my family has done this 2 times on my birthday, at my party and the month before it. After feeling pressured i just invited them anyways i mean its just a few close friends right? some of them might not even make it. After everything was planned out , The day of my birthday Party came, it was a small dinner, my mom had prepared multiple dishes and bought pizza in case my friends felt picky, that's also one of the reasons i didn't want to invite a certain friend- dont get me wrong i like her but she tends to be a very picky eater and shes rude without noticing, my mom has already complained about her not saying thank you after she picked her up and dropped her off.
My sister and her husband came over and they helped set the table, an hour later my sister asked where my friends were and i told her one of my friends , i guess we can call her natalie, said she'd show at 3:30, my family was clearly impatient and told me are they coming or not. Its 3:37 i texted natalie frantically and asked her where she was at and she tells me "my parents said i cant come in until our other friend gabby showed up" and gabby informed me a day before she would show up around 4. I went back to waiting for my friends and my family was bothering me about it and i texted gabby and told her my families pressuring me, when will you get here they want to eat and cut the cake. Gabby said to let them eat and cut the cake and i went to text natalie because she lives closer to me and i told her gabby will not be here before you,
she asked if she should stay home and i put the phone down because my family started saying they aren't showing up and its rude and i felt pressure from both sides so i went upstairs and my older brother followed me and took the phone, and my friend gabby texted " can we just do this next weekend" that was my breaking point,
i felt dismissed, ignored, invisible, like im ready for the mental preparation of getting ready for people to come over, i was about to cry i don't know how to do this im just a kid. I said i did not want to replan because my mother has cooked food and prepared the whole house even cleaning her own bedroom for them to come over and have fun with me, i was pissed and said "no".
. My brother asked "do you want them to come or not", it was never about if i wanted them here or not everyone made me feel like i was disappointing them, not meeting their needs, i just wanted to hang out with my family and friends. I instinctively said to tell them to stay home, i wanted to simplify everything, i wanted a clean slate again i was so overwhelmed. My brother proceeded to say "don't come" in the group-chat i have with them, he made me put the phone down and told me to enjoy my birthday and just forget about my problems, afterwards we went downstairs and my family asked what happened and i said i told them not to come and they said is that what you want and i started crying and they asked why and i told them its because i feel like i have to please you guys but i want my friends to be pleased too but i obviously cant have that and i just wanted things to be normal.
My mom hugged me and told me its ok and to forget about my friends. The reason gabby didnt show is because a day or 2 ahead she said she was getting her hair done by her aunt and i understood that, she also lives in a different city, My other friend nayah didnt show up simply because she didnt care to plan ahead and wasn't ready at all. My 2 friends were concerned and asking why i abruptly told them not to come and i finally picked up the phone and texted them back,
" i told you guys not to come" my friend natalie said "dude what the fuck you genuinely made a whole plan and cancel the hour of coming, that's messed up, we just wanted to spend the day with you. Why did you even bother inviting us" and my other friend gabby jumped in and was obviously confused and thought i was spending my actual birthday with my family and my party with friends only and now "all of a sudden my family is over" when i stated clearly its a dinner with my family and you guys on saturday on a call, they said ok and i was bombarded by questions after saying " this is why i didn't want to do this because it would be awkward and no one planned around it" and my mom started getting angry at what they were saying to me and gabby asked why i said no to and told them what i have said before, my mom worked hard and this isnt just something you can do every weekend.
Part 2 in a few hours or whenever i get time my lunch break is about to end | YTA.
You can’t be mad at them for not showing up when you knowingly **allowed** your brother to text them telling them **not to show up**.
Honestly, you sound exhausting. You’re overwhelmed with people pleasing? Fine. Maybe they’re overwhelmed with trying to keep up with you. You *reluctantly* invited them (people can sense when they’re not wanted) then when they would be *late* told them not to turn up. So they didn’t and now you’re mad they did what you asked of them?
Yeah, YTA. |
AITAH for having no sympathy for my sick husband? | I want to preface by saying that I am in a very loving and committed relationship. We have our normal relationship ups and downs, however we always work through everything together and are genuinely very happy.
Except for this one thing: he gets sick A LOT. At least once a fortnight, he is down and out with the flu, a cold, stomach issues, you name it.
Now, I am a very emphatic person and my go to response is to care for people when they are unwell. However, I am also someone who get things done. If there is a solution for something, I am aiming for it.
Hubby hates the doctors. He hasn’t been since he was a kid, and now he ‘doesn’t believe’ in them. Fair enough, each to their own, but there is obviously something going on with him. It is not normal for someone to fall ill this regularly, and besides that, who wants to live their life sick all the time? Problem is, he won’t do anything about it, he’ll just suffer, and in turn the whole household suffers. We have two kids, and when he’s sick, he refuses to go near them in fear he might make them sick, which makes sense. But, because this is happening so regularly, it’s really putting a strain on our family.
I have spoken with him about it multiple times, saying he needs to have some tests done and that he doesn’t have to live this way, but it’s always met with dismiss and denial.
Now, it’s at the point where when he falls in, I have no sympathy for him. Hell mope around the house, whinging of pain, and i’ll just ignore him and focus on the kids. He’s been getting upset with me recently, and my lack of care factor, but I told him why I have been acting the way I have been, and now he’s accusing me of being manipulative.
Im at a loss, nothing I say is getting through to this man. Outside of this issue, we’re great, but this is causing so much tension in our relationship.
So AITAH?
| I've read enough medical mysteries to know that what he's going through isn't normal and that he is on a collusion course to 'Oh if you came earlier, we could have fixed it'. Honestly, as a grown man, if he doesn't see the strain hes causing on others and the damage he's doin to his family, Id try to get his family involved or friends? If his whole circle is urging him to see professional help, he can't keep shying away right? |
AITAH for not knowing what I want in my relationship? | I 18/F and my boyfriend 17/M have been dating a little over 1 year. at the beginning of the relationship, everything was great. We hardly fought, We hung out every single day and we lived 10 minutes away from each other. Everything changed when I moved about two hours away to go to college. Once I moved, things became really hard. I was not allowed to be friends with guys because since i’m cute apparently every guy will like me and he can’t believe i wouldn’t be able to resist someone cute asking me out. (i have never had a history of cheating or anything like that.) we would fight every week even though i would drive the 4 hours home and back most weekends to see him. (he was never allowed to drive up) i ended up feeling like i was doing a lot for the relationship and putting lots of the effort in and i was just getting in trouble for things that i thought were unreasonable?
Things got a lot better when i was home for a month for winter break but it’s been a week and things already got bad again. I proposed we take a break when i was home this past weekend so we could date other people (and still date each other at the same time) because even with how upset i get at the situation i still love him and don’t want to lose him he’s my best friend. We talked about it and ultimately decided to stay together unless it gets bad again. I am feeling some regret and i am unsure what to do. Also he tried to break up a couple months ago and i had to beg him to reconsider and that really hurt my feelings. i am having a hard time getting past it. He really is a great person and i would be heartbroken to end things but i am so torn. I have a neighbor who i think is cute and i feel guilty for having these feelings.
TL;DR I 18F want to date in college and feel guilty because i still am in love with my 17M Boyfriend even though things have been hard | You're holding onto something that needs to be let go off. You're missing all the memories that people make in college/university because of this relationship. You had to beg your boyfriend to continue the relationship, that speaks volume about where he is at. I know you're hurt and I know you love him but if things are meant to be you will find each other again and if not I know you can find someone else. |
AITAH for refusing to apologize to a girl who bullied me in middle school? | I (20M) still have many people from my middle school added on Snapchat. This girl Maggie (19F) had confessed to me recently that a comment I made about her in middle school has had her feeling insecure for years. Mind you it’s been 7 years since I made this comment. For context Maggie was somewhat of a bully. She always started drama with people. She tried to start drama with me but I’ve never been one to mess with. I was big on self defense back then.
Maggie would always try to poke fun at me. What happened in this particular time is I was a little chubby in middle school. Maggie one day kept following me around asking me why I have titties as a man. She asked me about 20 times and I lost it. I clapped back with “why don’t you have titties. And why does it smell like the Pacific Ocean underneath you”. At the time she laughed and walked off, but I guess I really stuck a nerve. We got into an argument on Snapchat afterwards and then we were cool.
Present day, I told her that she came after me first back then and I’m not apologizing for defending myself. She called me an AH and a shitty person.
AITAH? | Dang what a comeback bro 😭 |
AITAH for not going shopping with my friend because I was broke? | My best friend (f) and I (f) loved doing things together. We went out to dinner, we found new places to go to, we saw plays and shows together- we did everything together essentially. One of the things that we did together was go to the Yankee Candle factory around Christmas to go shopping for our families and just make a day trip out of going to MA. It was the best time and we always had a great time.
This past year was different and I was financially struggling because I was biweekly at my job and the time that we were supposed to go was on the off week I didn’t get paid and I didn’t have enough for shopping there. I was upfront and honest with her, even offered to do something different that weekend to still hang out, but told her that I just didn’t have the funds to go to MA. She was understanding at first, but when we attempted to reschedule, she grew upset that I was going away the following weekend. It was a trip that my boyfriend essentially booked as a Christmas gift to us, and it was booked several months back so it wasn’t like a last minute trip that was scheduled. I had explained to her that I didn’t purchase the trip, that my boyfriend booked the trip as a Christmas gift to us, and that it was booked several months back. My best friend essentially didn’t believe me, said that it was mildly screwed up that I was cancelling to go to MA because I was broke, but I was going away the following week to an Airbnb I didn’t purchase.
She then cut ties with me and told me she didn’t want anything to do with me. I felt completely blindsided and didn’t know what I did wrong. I truthfully didn’t have the funds at the time, I was still willing to go to MA but just at another time when I had the funds. She hasn’t spoken to me, unfriended and unfollowed everywhere. AITAH for not going shopping with her? | NTA she sounds pretty entitled. |
WIBTAH asking for relationship clarity before renewing lease together? | TL;DR: After 3 years together, my boyfriend says he’s happy but wants to revisit whether we stay together in a few months. I’m under financial pressure and don’t want to renew a lease without clarity. Is it unreasonable to ask for certainty?
We’ve been together for 3 years and have been trying to repair our relationship after a period where we were fighting about once a week. We agreed to make healthier changes. Socializing more, volunteering, and intentionally planning date nights using the 2-2-2 rule. We recently had a really great date night, and I genuinely thought we were finally on the same page.
Later that same night, we got into another argument. I made a comment like “I hope it all works out,” referring to hoping I get a new job so we can move to a better apartment (our current one is very humid and worsens his asthma). During a massage, I accidentally hurt him twice, and that seemed to be the breaking point.
He told me things like:
-He feels like he’s always the one getting hurt in the relationship (his health in this apartment, and even my cat scratching his eye after being spooked a year ago).
-He believes I think he will leave, even though I’ve repeatedly told him I trust that he won’t. However, his insistence is starting to create doubt in me.
-He hides parts of his personality from me.
-That if nothing changes, we should “revisit” the relationship between April–June to decide if we should stay together. We had originally agreed to ask for a 6-month lease renewal in hopes I can get another job, and him back into school since things had been going better, and he had reassured me that he wasn’t leaving.
After this conversation, he said he’s happy with me and that “we’re okay,” but I don’t feel okay at all. The biggest issue is that I’ve been financially carrying the relationship for about 2 years now. It’s taken a toll on my stress and happiness, and while my boyfriend is upset that I’m not happy, a large part of that unhappiness comes from the financial pressure. I was fired a few months ago (targeted), and I currently have about 3 months of savings left. If I don’t find a new job soon, I may have to dip into my retirement. Our lease renews in February. I feel like I need clarity on whether he’s serious about this relationship before making housing decisions. I don’t want to jeopardize my financial stability by committing to a lease based on a “maybe or maybe not.”
| NTA, but do know that if you weren't financially carrying him, he'd already be gone. You don't need to "clarify" anything with someone who openly says things like he wants to "revisit whether we stay together ni a few months." Emotionally, he's already done. Time to set yourself free from this person. |
AITAH for cutting contact with my ex-friend for wanting to be myself? | I (15M) and my friend, let's call her "Kasey" (15F) have conflicting views. She is a strong believer of God, I'm more agnostic. She is a straight girl who was born a girl too, whereas I was born a girl but am transgender and identify as a man. I am also not straight as I like boys and girls.
Kasey constantly tried to get me to believe in God. While I normally wouldn't have a problem with her just being religious, all her friends only talk about Jesus, God, and the Bible. She makes her religious stances clear on all her bios, and she also tries to get me to become religious too even though I don't read the Bible and am not too certain on the existence of God, though I believe multiple Gods probably do exist. I just don't follow religious rules or traditions.
Anyway, she found out in my bio that my pronouns were he/him. So she asked me why it said that. I told her I'm transgender. She then brought up the religion thing again, saying "Oh. Do you seriously think God made a mistake with your gender?"
My response: "Sure, I don't know."
"Well, God doesn't make mistakes, does he? Hmm? Hmm?"
And was talking about how she wanted me to become a "servant of God", and a straight Christian girl forever. I blocked her, as I didn't wanna deal with that and didn't wanna be changed, I just wanted to be myself. It wasn't hurting her if I wanted to be a pansexual agnostic boy.
Please, no transphobia in the comments. | >"Well, God doesn't make mistakes, does he? Hmm? Hmm?"
Feel free to ask her why some babies are born with cleft palates.
Actually, never mind, just block this person and move on with your life. |
AITAH for forcing someone to cram on a plane | Context, I'm newly 18M and my brother is 15M. This happened a little while ago over winter break. Me and my brother were going out to Florida to visit family, when I was still 17. Our parents decided to stay home since they don't get along too well with the other side of the family, but we have great relationships with our cousins. Also, here's some info on the airlines: Anyone 16 and above can fly alone, without parental supervision. However, they CANNOT count as the 'adult' accompanying anyone 15 or under. Because of this, though I was already 17 and able to fly alone, my brother couldn't, so we flew as unaccompanied minors with a flight attendant assigned to supervise us.
To get the story going, here's a run over of what happened. Since we were flying as minors, we got the seats at the back of our plane's section. Those were nice because we got the seat in the middle empty for us to use as extra legroom, had great AC, and we didn't have to deal with anyone behind us kicking our seats or anything. Also, in addition to the middle seat, there was just a lot more leg room in front of us in general.
In front of us, after we get seated, there's a lady who's middle aged and, respectfully, is more on the heavy side. I only mentioned that because it's sort of crucial to the story. Anyway, she's moving down the rows, finds her seat, and complains to the flight attendant that there isn't enough room for her and claims she needs a spot with two open seats. Unfortunately for her, there aren't any open. Anyway, it was pretty obvious that wasn't her goal anyway, since she was not THAT heavy and she would have plenty of room fitting into the seat. Judging her appearance, she probably wasn't even XXL. She was mainly targeting the people across from us, who also had really nice seats in the back of the section. She couldn't convince any of them to move, so she sort of rounded on us and asked us to.
The flight attendant told us we didn't have to move at all. The lady then said, "They have a lot of aisle space, so if one of them just moves to the middle, I'd settle for sitting in the aisle seat next to them." Then, really condescendingly, "Even though I'd have to sit next to KIDS."
Honestly, I didn't really understand her reasons, but my brother seemed uncomfortable, so I just flat out said no, we weren't comfortable sitting with a stranger, and she had a perfectly fine seat. She got upset at that, called us 'spoiled teenage brats' and went back over to her seat. One flight attendant went over to talk to her about her behavior and give her a warning, but I'm still wondering, AITAH, since she just wanted a seat in the back and we said no despite having one. | NTA…. She could always buy two seats if she wants more room. |
AITAH for being annoyed with my friends clinginess to her bf? | My friend and her bf have been together for 5 years solid, no break ups, dramatic fights, etc (that I’m aware of). They were high school sweethearts and each others firsts. They’ve been living together for the last six months too. A few days ago a group of us got together for a birthday party and we had to go grab decorations. He was going to drive and one of our other friends wanted to sit shotgun and she got upset saying the reason she even wanted to be there/come was to be near him. He then even said to her that they share a bedroom, she gets him-time everyday. This is clearly something he noticed too. I get that kind of behaviour when the relationship is new but this type of thing has been going on for years. We still can’t have a girls night without her pouting, missing him and then calling him for an hour to the entire rest of the night. I like being around her but only when she’s not focused on her boyfriend and it’s annoying me so badly. At this point I avoid hang out with her one on one because it kills my mood.
AITAH?
+ Should I mention it to her? Or would that ruin whatever friendship we have? | NTA but please take care to ensure you don't sound critical when you bring this up with her. You have zero right to tell her that her behavior as a gf is wrong. You are not an invested party to how they behave with one another.
What is valid is, "I miss you. We aren't as close as we used to be and from my perspective here's why..." This gives her the opportunity to address it openly and constructively rather than feeling like she needs to be defensive. She might not really care about being close to you considering her obsession with him but she can't tell you how she feels if you start with throwing jabs. Good luck! |
AITAH for getting mad at my friend/friends because of his/their "ragebait"? | Alright I'll be honest here, i put in ragebait in quotation marks cause i don't really know how to put this, and I'm posting this on a throwaway account just to be safe.
so everything pretty much started during the end of summer break where one night i was scrolling through my phone when i my mom calls me from the living room and shows me an Instagram account, which was essentially a shit post account and all of the videos featured me, more specifically, old pictures of me which can only be found on my mom's account, and i mean you really have to dig to find them. but anyway at the time i didn't really think much of it however my mom (and in my opinion rightfully so) got extremely mad and called up the school to personally report this account which was basically making shitposts about me.
i called up a few people i thought were behind this and lo and behold my suspicions were confirmed correct when one of the people I know (which i won't be naming for obvious reasons) admitted that him and another guy from a different school district made the account for shits and giggles. The account eventually got deleted, however this was only the beginning of the bullshit they were about to pull.
When i came back in school there was this nee guy in my friend group who was friends with some of the people in it, but mostly he knew us from the guy who made the account about me.
eventually a few months pass and it's gym class, and we're coming back from practice, and someone (to this day i still don't know who) took a massive shit inside the bathroom which stunk up the whole place. then Infront of everyone this guy points at me and on the spot accuses me for doing it and everyone just kinda points at me and start being like "ugh man that's disgusting" or "oh come on dude" and i couldn't even defend myself cause everyone was already convinced that i was the one who did that. and on the way back from the building where the gym was and the school itself people started making fun of me for it, and it genuinely made me tear up and cry.
fast forward again to about a month, this British guy starts saying some shit like "oh (my mom's full name) is slipping into my DMs ooooohh". which yeah annoyed me but it was one guy so who cared. however slowly but surely the whole class i go to gym with starts to pick up on this and started to say stuff like "oh this shot is for (my mom's name)" which, again, i didn't mind because there was nothing bad about their comments. But then the same guy who accused me of the bathroom thing (who has somehow became a rooted member in my friend group)
starts to say things about my mom which really pissed me off. I don't want to go into detail about what he said but i will say that it involved the mention of s*xual int*rcourse (yeah he went there, and god i feel disgusted just mentioning this), and this all lead up to one day where he was making the jokes Infront of my face and i just snapped and started yelling at him, cursing him out, and I just started to cry, and he just said "bro it's just ragebait".
Now I don't want you thinking this guy is a complete menace to society, he's overall a decent human being when he's not trying to "ragebait". I've been to birthdays with him and stuff like that.
However recently, about three to four weeks ago i joined a discord server which he owns and it's chill for the most part, however the times i do get on call with him (and he's always accompanied by that guy who made the shitposts acc about me) he always says something about my appearance, voice, interests and i wanna know, Am I The Asshole for reacting the way i did to their ragebait? | I assume you're a kid. Stop hanging around with assholes, easy as that. In school, put your head down, concentrate on your work. Don't get involved with cliques. You can be a cool teenager or a cool adult but rarely both, and it's much better to be a cool adult. It lasts longer. |
AITAH for not wanting to pay off my bf’s mortgage faster? | I don't usually post but could really use your perspective on the situation. I (28F) have been with my partner (34M) for almost 5 years now. We met overseas, fell for each other quickly and moved in together quite fast. After living together for about a year, he ended up moving back to the US. After another tough year of long-distance, I decided to move back to the US to be with him. During our year apart, he also bought an affordable income studio where the total rent was around $1k for the whole thing, which we ended up splitting 50-50.
It took 13 MONTHS to sell the studio with us both living in it. Living with another person in such a confined space for over a year is an experience I would not wish upon anybody. Especially, as you can imagine, when you are not on the same schedule or, ie when he’d stay out partying until 5am, sleeping in until noon, and I (without a driver’s license at the time) felt like I had no place to go nor could I begin my day until he woke up. It also did feel, overall, very uncomfortable for me to have to be somewhat financially dependent on another person, while looking for a job the first 4 months of living there.
Now entering year 3.5 of being together - We FINALLY move into a bigger, but not super spacious, new apartment. It does have the most stunning view (top floor), which is the entire reason why he picked this apartment. As for me, I just wanted space at that point. So we did go back to look at some other apartments but ultimately ended up going with this apartment that he wanted (exclusively because of the view).
As of a few months ago, I had been paying rent to my partner (around $1250 per month), when he asked me to chip in extra to help pay off the apartment faster. He explained it to me that by adding an extra $1k per month, we would be able to shave off 7 years of rent and interest plus this could help us save up for a house. So as of July last year, I started sending him $1450 per month to cover exactly half of all the house bills (rent, extra payment, HOA, utilities etc).
Fast-forward to yesterday, I open up the mail with the rent invoice and the amount for rent due is just "$1247." My heart kind of stopped seeing that on paper. Even though he had sort of explained this prior, it shocked me that this was the only actual amount due. Another small line item below shows the $1000 additional (optional) payment, and last month's payment showed $2.2k lining up with that amount he said roughly. Still taken aback by this, I requested that he please show me all our monthly payments.
To be fair, most of the house bills added up to just shy of $2.8k. Though, I am also paying for our Amazon account, Hulu and Netflix costing around $450 per year. I pay for gas 3/4 times because (granted) I am the one who drives to work and uses the car more but almost all of our weekend trips are shared. I know this might sound like it's all fair and square, but now, he makes around $6.4k per month after taxes while I make just about exactly $4k per month (after my latest pay bump last month). I still cook 90% of all our meals and plan the grocery shopping (which we venmo each other and split 50-50). He pays for concert tickets, and pays for some travel expenses, but the more I think about it - None of these bills he pays for are in my name.
Being overly cautious and at times unhappy in the relationship, it makes me really uneasy that I am paying slightly shy of 40% of my salary just for this total rent and helping pay off HIS mortgage. If he were to take on the entire cost (meaning my part as well) this would be roughly 42% of his salary each month. I feel slightly taken advantage of, even though this is what I agreed to initially. Is it fair to request that we just split the actual rent owed and let him pay the $1k extra per month, since he can and the mortgage is not in my name?
Lastly, we did have a really bad fight once that started because I did not feel like he was respectful of what needed to be done in the apartment, and he completely shut down. Only at the very end of the night did he say "I was about to tell you to find another place to live" after I begged for a resolution. That statement really hurt me because it is my one fear: to be blindsided by a loved one or to have my safety ripped away. As a result of this, I don't feel like this apartment truly is my investment too like he claims it is.
PS. He will do nice things for me, like bring me an extra sandwich home for lunch or again, pay for a concert/date/make plans for us with friends. I try to do the same but I'm not as good at it. I will pay for dates though and put a lot of care into gifts, make him custom things and I bought him an engraved watch for Christmas. He gave me airpods, which I really like, but they were not wrapped. He also bought himself a pair, so emotionally it hasn’t always felt totally balanced.
**TLDR**: Am I the asshole for not wanting to pay the extra $500 per month toward my partner's mortgage when the investment is fully in his name and he earns more than me? Technically this makes all our house bills "50-50" - But I still pay for gas, do a lot for the house and cook 90% of the time. He books trips for us and pays for concert tickets.
**Edit**: By popular demand I removed a lot of irrelevant storytelling lol. Genuine thanks to everyone for chiming in, I greatly appreciate it and the added perspective. For now, I will ask to pay less or at least a more fair proportion. | Way too much unnecessary crap. If you are not getting equity in the house, you should pay much less. |
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