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AITAH for not calling a Uber even though she didn't tell me she wasn't being able to call one? | The following story happened in September of last year, but I don't think there has been a day where I don't think about it.
A grocery store cashier gave me the phone number of her niece (19F). She's not exactly her niece by blood, but by affinity. I (then 28M) asked if the age gap wouldn't be an issue. I got no reply, so I assumed it wouldn't be an issue to any party. I was warned that the girl's mother (41F) could be a bit troublesome, though.
We talked every single day on WhatsApp and then I felt the urge to ask her on a date. It went perfect. It was my first date ever, I might add.
However, a few weeks later, she says she wanted to go to the amusement park at the parking lot of the shopping mall, but she couldn't go alone since her mother would never allow her to go anywhere by herself. I said that we both could go. It would have been out second date. A few days later, she asked if her brother (17M) could go with us. I said "ok", but I wasn't satisfied at all. It was supposed to be about me and her.
The day arrives. We go out like, 30 minutes after the set time because "her brother was taking long to get dressed". Ok, someone who wasn't originally invited is taking so long. When I get there, I asked if I were going to call the Uber. To which she replies her mother would do the call. Her mother selects a totally different destination which I automatically noticed given that the driver took an opposite direction to where we should have been headed. The girl says she doesn't have cellphone signal so she asks me to set my phone as a WiFi router. Her mother corrects the destination point and we get there.
Time to go home. She says her mother would call the Uber on the way home as well. I waited, waited and waited. I supposed her mother was waiting for the price to lower. Ok. The car arrives and we go to our homes.
The next few days, she ghosts me and when I finally get a response from her, she says that "I saw that he was trying to call her mother", and that "I don't know what education you had from your parents, but my mother said that a man must have attitude". I was in complete shock so I said I was sorry over and over. She didn't flinch. I asked her on another date, promising that it wouldn't happen. No reply from her. Then I never texted her ever again.
I went for days without being able to eat and sleep properly. She would have been my first girlfriend. Several weeks after the fact, I realized that I wasn't feeling at will to be near her when her brother was there, and that just like she told me she didn't have any cellphone coverage when the Uber driver took the wrong turn, she could have communicated that to me.
But those are my opinions. I would like to know yours. I apologize in advance if something wasn't worded correctly, as English is not my first language. | I can't make heads nor tail of the story but date someone your own age |
My (30F) boyfriend (29M) and I just found a woman he slept with back in April of 2025 had a baby and didn’t tell him till it was born. I angry even though the baby was conceived before we got together. AITAH? | I moved across states from Maryland to Texas to live with my boyfriend we’ve been together going on 6 months but have known each other for 2 years. Recently a woman from before we dated hit him up saying a baby she gave birth to could be his.. didn’t tell him she was pregnant or anything the entire 9 months. In fact she took a plan that he bought after their encounter.. the woman also stated she got an abortion but said that it didn’t work and it only terminated one of the babies because she was pregnant with twins… all of this sounds like a bunch of bs to me. I feel as though she didn’t even take the plan b. He told me she mentioned wanting a child and had just got out of a 5 yr relationship with a man in which she couldn’t have a child with. Anyway he got a paternity test and turns out the baby is his. I feel sick. He already has two kids from a previous relationship and I have one daughter from a previous relationship. I really wanted us to start off fresh and do things the right way. Marriage first babies after and it feels like this puts a huge dent in things now that he is the father to an entire new born. I definitely cussed him out pretty badly and called him names I will admit…Not to mention he keeps downplaying the situation and acting like it’s not a big deal but I feel like it’s a defense mechanism for him.. I also should mention I got pregnant late last year and had an abortion in September with his baby.. I handled it all by myself was bleeding for months and he wasn’t even there for me I feel emotionally or mentally. Am I the asshole? | He’s not the one for you. It doesn’t even sounds like he cares about you considering the last couple of sentences. I know you sacrificed everything so far, but think of how much more you’ll sacrifice until you’ve had enough. The baby isn’t the issue, but this isn’t the situation you want and you know it. |
AITAH for ending a friendship after my best friend admitted her love for me was conditional? | I (22F) recently ended a friendship with my best friend, and I can’t tell if I overreacted or finally respected myself.
Maya was the first friend I made in college. We became extremely close freshman year, and I supported her through several traumatic situations. Later, we lived in one large dorm room with another friend, Elena, for about a year and a half. The three of us had normal petty fights over the years, but nothing major.
One thing that always pissed me off was during breaks and holidays, Maya almost always chose to go to Elena’s house instead of mine. Maya lived far away and couldn’t afford to fly home for all the college breaks. I was often told I was just “too sensitive” so I never brought up how this hurt me.
Over the summer, Elena texted us that she might not return to school, then ended up coming back. I told her I wished she’d talk to me about things like that in person instead of over text. The next semester, she dropped out and again told us via text on the first day of classes.
Fast forward to Easter, both Elena and I invited Maya to our homes. While I was on FaceTime with my parents, Maya told me she was going to Elena’s. She framed it as needing to see whether Elena was coming back the following year because they had signed a lease together (I wasn’t part of that lease because I chose to live alone). I was hurt, especially since I hadn’t seen Elena in months and Maya had barely seen her either.
That day, I got very drunk and ranted to Maya about Elena. I don’t remember everything I said and I know I took some low blows. What I do remember saying was that it felt like Elena got a free pass for being a bad friend by blaming anxiety and depression, while my emotions were constantly dismissed as me being “too much.” I’m not proud of how I handled it.
That same day, Maya told me she loved me unconditionally and would always be there for me — but asked that I not rant about Elena anymore. I agreed and deeply apologized that I had put Maya in an awkward situation.
After Easter, Maya became distant. About a month later, after my parents and I helped her move her belongings into storage and brought her dinner, I finally asked why she’d been acting strange. She laughed at first, then admitted that her love for me was actually conditional. Those conditions were basically only going out drinking together, continuing a radio show we hosted and hanging out sometimes. She also said our friendship was “hyper-dependent.”
I told her I wasn’t okay with that and ended the friendship. She immediately tried to backtrack, saying how much we had in common and how great of a person I was, but I felt like you can’t take something like that back.
Even after that, I still helped her move a few last things the next day and bought her coffee. When she tried to hug me goodbye, I stepped back, and told her “See you in class. Safe travels”. I’ve never heard from her since.
I know I wasn’t perfect, and I regret ranting while drunk. But I also feel like I spent years being pushed aside and having my sensitivity used against me, only to be told outright that the love I was told was unconditional wasn’t.
So… AITAH for walking away after that? | NAH you seem controlling of your friends to an unhealthy degree (she can go where she pleases during breaks) but at the same time a lot of what you said is very real and you’re fair to be upset about the drifting apart over time. No need to continue the friendship but worth self-reflecting on |
AITAH for wanting to break up with my boyfriend for being too clingy? | My boyfriend (16M) and I (16F) recently started a relationship about a week ago, and it was okay for the first day...
For context, we were friends for a little under three years before this, and we've seen each other through many different relationships. Whenever he's had a breakup, I've been there to comfort him.
I got out of a "situationship" with a girl a couple of months ago. I want to say around september and it was Rough. Honestly, I think it was the only time I have ever felt "inlove", and I know that doesn\`t mean much at my age, but I don\`t even know if I\`m over her, and that's where the problem lies i think.
back to the boyfriend, whom we\`ll call "Isaac"
Isaac is the sweetest and funniest guy I know, and honestly i enjoy talking to him, and we really have the greatest friendship, and I kinda developed a "crush?"
The thing is, when we started dating, he just did a 360, and he's been so much so quickly, and I feel like he\`s moving too fast, talking about a future life and how we\`ll be when were married and all of that
And he\`s said, "Don\`t cheat on me, with no apparent reason?
But I also can\`t help but feel like this is also just me, a part of me feels disgusting because here I have a good relationship, and I\`m turning it away because I can't just like boys like a normal girl | It sounds like he is slowly showing you red flags that he will be a very controlling partner. Its probably best if you end things as early as possible if you’re already feeling uncomfortable this early on! |
AITAH for telling my buddy that his on-again, off-again girlfriend is abusive toward him? | I (28M) told my longtime friend and current roommate (29M) that I believe his on-again, off-again girlfriend is emotionally and financially abusive toward him, and now things are tense. I’m wondering if I crossed a line.
I’ve known this guy since we were 16. He owns his home, has equity, works hard in the restaurant industry, and is financially savvy. Smart guy, good heart, like a brother to me. I’ve been living at his place for over a year.
I’ve known his girlfriend for about five years. We were fine at first, but her manipulative behavior eventually made that impossible. After I refused to continue a friendship with her, she slowly pushed him to distance himself from me. The cold shoulder came gradually, but it was deliberate. It hurt.
Over the years, I’ve watched patterns that deeply concern me:
• She won’t allow him to watch shows, movies, or play games if women are even mildly sexualized.
• During a video game boss fight, she literally covered his eyes because the character looked “too feminine.”
• She discourages him from going to the gym because she’s afraid he’ll look better and leave her.
• If she doesn’t get her way, she isolates him and wears him down until he caves.
• When he pulls back or sets boundaries, she suddenly claims her mental health is so bad she wants to hurt herself, which pulls him back in out of fear.
• She wants the freedom to hook up with women, but he isn’t allowed the same. He acts nonchalant, but he’s monogamous at heart and it clearly affects him.
Financially, it’s bad:
• He spent at least $20k on her last year alone.
• He helped her open loans and signed as guarantor for her apartment because she didn’t qualify.
• He paid thousands for an overseas trip she took alone.
• He covered her dog and vet bills even though she can’t afford the dog herself.
They lived together for six months. (BTW been on and off again for 3 years) She moved out about 1.5 years ago, but keeps the relationship on an on-again, off-again cycle that feels more about control than love.
If he doesn’t give her attention, she posts provocative content online knowing he’ll see it.
Recently, after watching him grow more exhausted and withdrawn, I finally told him that from the outside, this looks abusive. I told him I was worried about him and that everyone around him sees the same thing.
He didn’t blow up, but he shut down. Things have been colder since. I know it’s his relationship, and I know adults make their own choices, but watching someone you care about slowly disappear is brutal.
So, AITA for saying something instead of staying out of it?
TL;DR: My longtime friend is in a controlling, financially draining, on-again off-again relationship. After years of watching it take a toll on him, I told him I think his girlfriend is abusive. Now things are tense and I’m wondering if I should have kept my mouth shut.
| NTA- You're looking out for your friend because you care about him. She sounds awful. |
AITAH for sitting by a stop sign? | i'm 25f. i walk to work through a residential neighborhood. i'm not able to afford a car right now. unfortunately, i also have asthma. the halfway mark of my walk is a stop sign that is at a corner of a street. it isn't on anyone's property. the closest house is like 25 or 30 feet away? but i'm like, not actively sitting on someone's yard or property. it's just to sit for two or three minutes so i can catch my breath.
well, i did my walk today and was sat for only a minute when one of the neighbors came out. she told me i was 'loitering' and 'can't sit there' and that she'd call the cops next time. i tried to explain but i was out of breath and she was steam rolling me. i ended up crying, lol.
aitah for sitting by the stop sign? was she right? i always worried someone may see me and think im weird or up to no good, so this was like... a nightmare scenario for me. i have bad social anxiety and i'm just tired and worried now. | That neighbor sounds like a real piece of work. You're on public property catching your breath, not loitering. Some people just need to mind their own business. |
AITAH for not seeing a man anymore because he does not resemble my late fiancé | I (36F) have been single for about 8 years now. My last relationship was with a man, changing his name for the sake of privacy, Adam. We had known each other for about a year before we starting dating when I was 20, and we were happily together for the next 8 years. Unfortunately, 3 months after Adam proposed, he got in a car accident with a drunk driver who swerved into him and he passed away on scene. Adam was an unforgettable man. I struggle to this day to describe just how amazing he was, and how much he meant to me and everyone surrounding him. He was and is one of those people that brings a smile to people's face at the mere mention of him. I often made sure to remind him how he was a light to everyone who was lucky enough to cross paths with him. Adam was my absolute best friend and the love of my life. After he passed I was an absolute wreck. To this day I am an absolute wreck. I have however, gotten to a point where I'm living my life, grieving always, but living. I see my friends, I travel, I have a decent enough job. Now to where the title comes in. About a year ago due to encouragement from some friends, I started to try dating again. My heart wasn't quite in it but I figured it would be a disservice to myself if I didn't at least try. Most connections didn't leave the dating apps spare maybe 2 or 3 before I met this man, we'll call him Preston. He is a genuinely kind man, he's passionate about his work and hobbies, and overall pleasant to be around. We had been seeing each other for about 3 months before last week I finally broke. In the time we had been dating, I was having a good time, but I was finding it impossible to not feel this gnawing guilt. Not because of feeling like I'm moving on from Adam, but because of the opposite. Every little thing, every small moment with Preston, I was looking for bits of Adam. I wanted to hear the way he wheezed when he was laughing, I wanted to see his smile lines. I wanted Preston to hold me like Adam did, to look at me the way Adam did. But I found none of that in him, because he's not Adam. And I had been feeling so guilty for continuing to see this perfectly kind man when he cannot compare in my mind to someone he's never met. So last week I decided to pull the plug on our fling, and with honesty. I explained why I couldn't do it anymore. Preston was incredibly patient to start and said he understood. Then moments later, he started trying to persuade me, saying I need to move on with someone like him to be truly happy. This rubbed me the wrong way, and I told him that I am settled right now in my realization that I do not want and cannot handle someone filling that Adam sized hole in my life, that I am content in continuing to learn how to heal it myself. I apologized one more time before leaving because I truly did feel guilty about it and had gotten to my limit in handling that conversation without tears. Cut to yesterday when I started receiving anonymous DMs from various accounts telling me that I'm a whore that leads people on, that I'm going to die a miserable bitch. I immediately messaged Preston about the messages asking if it was him and he apologized saying his friends are crazy and immature and that he will talk to them. I haven't gotten any new messages since yesterday but it has me wondering if I'm an asshole for continuing to see him when I could already feel I wasn't going to be able to handle it much longer, then breaking it off when he had gotten attached. Or should I have stuck it out to see if I could learn to be happy with someone new, that maybe over time I would stop comparing. It's moments like these I wish Adam was here to consult and comfort. Instead I'm here looking to hear advice outside of my circle of support who I know always has my back. | Therapy first, then relationships. |
WIBTAH if I told my cousin I don’t want to be around her because of all her lying? | Additional tag: mention of bad mental health/crisis
So my cousin has a history of lying to the point multiple people throughout the years have told me the same story that almost never lines up with hers.
She’s lied about plotting to date someone to lying about what the mental health professionals were doing while she was in crisis. I’m tired of her constantly lying and to be honest I have no idea when she’s telling the truth or not anymore. I don’t want to be around her and it’s draining when I am. Every time I come close to telling her off and confronting her something happens, she starts sobbing to me about her family or talking about how she’s been struggling again. She has BPD and a history of depression, so I don’t want to just abandon her. I told her I’d always be there for her and she just needs to reach out, but man we’ve been doing this circus act since I was 17 and she was 15.
She’s 18 now, been with abusive boyfriends, drinking since she was like 14 I think, and just has had it rough overall. I wish it was different but she’s non-stop lying and boasting about herself.
It’s gotten to the point I only see her like once every three months, usually it’s just for drinking, because I can only handle being around her for long periods of time when I’m under the influence. I’m not the only one either, there used to be a group of us, but either no one can stand being around her, people broke up, or people are in relationships. I think I might be one of the only ones left.
She’s started lying a lot though, she told our 16 year old cousin that she was plotting to get with one of her best friends and wasn’t going to let him get back with his ex before she went to visit him, then told me she wanted to stay single for a while. She immediately got with him next time she visited him.
She said her last relationship just ‘got bad’ and ‘life happened’ but she was telling one of our friends she was cheating on her boyfriend while in line for a plane, so someone else heard and told my brother, and that friend she told them came to me and told me what happened.
She told me that the guy she was cheating on her boyfriend with told her he was ‘scared of how genuine she is’ and that he ‘was scared he would fall in love’ but he wanted nothing to do with her after they had their fling.
She told the same 16 year old cousin not to go to one of two mental health counsellors in our town because she ‘walked out’ while she was in crisis, then said she wasn’t there when she even got into the building, and kept changing her story about it.
Hell she even told me she has a dent in her head from her ex hitting her and denting her skull but apparently it didn’t cause brain damage?
I’m just tired of being the one she always spews stuff onto. I tried to help her out and be there for her, but she keeps lying to me. I can confront her but my family literally takes up like a quarter of my town (my graduating class was four people) so I’m not sure what I can do or how to approach this. | What do you really want to accomplish?
Protecting your peace or changing her behavior?
The only behavior you can actually control is your own. It sounds like your cousin can benefit from some help and some support. It sounds like you’ve already attempted at least to confront her. Well, an actual confrontation change her behavior? I doubt it. It sounds like you need to protect your peace and that means separating yourself from her if she needs help you can be available to provide support and help, but she will change when she’s ready to change and not when you are ready for her to change. I don’t think you need to say anything. It’s what you need to do. Do what is safe to protect your peace. |
AITAH for confronting my friend about her behavior? | I (young adult Female) live with my family. A girl I’m close to (also a young adult female) is currently staying with us because she’s going through a rough situation. My family has been really kind and supportive to her.
But since she moved in, I feel like I’ve been treated really badly.
She makes jokes about my mom, who passed away. I know I sometimes laugh it off, but it actually hurts a lot. I have diagnosed PTSD, and part of it comes directly from losing my mom. Even if I make a dark joke about my own trauma, that doesn’t mean other people get to. I would never joke about something that serious for someone else. She didn’t even know my mom, and if she had, she wouldn’t be saying these things.
I also haven’t been sleeping. She’s on the phone all night, the walls are thin, and I already struggle with sleep because of PTSD and being neurodivergent. In the mornings, her alarm goes off for like 10+ minutes and she doesn’t wake up, which keeps me up even longer. Sleep is really important for my mental health and school, and it feels like that doesn’t matter to her.
I have a lot of sensory issues. I don’t like being touched and I need personal space, but she gets really close to me a lot. Certain sounds really overwhelm me (heavy breathing, smacking, etc.), and I have really bad emetophobia. And she really doesn’t know personal space, she’ll get close and I’ll step back from her and she’ll get closer. She’ll come in my room and just press her face against my arm and rest her chin on my shoulder. She also calls me “stupid,” “annoying,” and refers to me as her “annoying little sister,” which makes me feel disrespected and small even though I’m just a year younger than her and reminder…she’s living in my house.
Honestly, I feel bullied in my own house. I tried being vulnerable with her, and at one point she physically pushed me out of “her” room when all I wanted to do was hang out. It’s only been a week and I already dread coming home. I don’t feel like we’re friends anymore — I feel like a nuisance in my own home, where she is the guest.
There was also a situation where I was awake because of her alarm, and I could clearly hear her doing something VERY private for about 30 minutes. I never consented to hearing that and it made me extremely uncomfortable. I don’t understand why she thought that was okay, especially knowing I was awake.
I finally told her I need boundaries for the next few months. I don’t want things to be awkward, but if this keeps happening, my family is going to have to get involved, and there’s a real chance she won’t be able to stay with us anymore.
So… AITAH for setting boundaries and saying something needs to change?
TL;DR: A girl staying in my house makes jokes about my dead mom, messes with my sleep, ignores my sensory boundaries, calls me names, and makes me feel bullied. I finally set boundaries and said things can’t keep going like this. | Dude just kick her out. She's an asshole who doesn't give a shit about you. |
AITAH for refusing to build a sister relationship with my eldest sister after she failed me multiple times? | My (22F) eldest sister (32F) is not someone I personally like. There's another post about her on my profile so I don't need to explain why. Recently, she apologized to me about stuff she did wrong in the past but she mostly talked about herself and her own experience instead of even acknowledging why I was hurt with her. She woke me up in the middle of a nap to apologize so I just agreed with whatever she said an went back to sleep.
Recently, she's been trying to talk to me too much, but she does it the complete wrong way. She keeps saying "older siblings are meant to annoy their youngest siblings", which would be true if we were kids and not full grown adults. I'm autistic and she INSISTS in touching me and purposefully making me have sensory overloads with, again, the purpose of annoying me, and then laugh when I clearly disliked it. Sometimes when we're eating on the table with family she suddently says "OP, I can't stand hearing you talking anymore" when I'm too quiet. Everyone laughs and I hate being the center of attention. Twice now with family she interrupted me eating to say "well, let's go wash the dishes OP, let's give grandma some rest" and when I refused because I was still eating, our mom and grandma scolded me.
After all this was done in the spam of 3 months, I decided to just stay locked in my room either playing or studying whenever I'm home so I don't run into her. Recently, though, she did something ridiculous. I was at our middle sister's (26F) house and slept there because she wanted to watch a show with me and eat some pizza. I came back only 2 days later and the kitchen was a complete mess. I ignored it, my eldest sister made the mess so she should clean it. But she messaged our mom (mom was at her boyfriend's farm for some days) saying I was the one who made a big mess on our kitchen and should clean it.
That made me angry and I sent my eldest sister a message with photos attached pointing what was her mess and what was mine (mine was a single cup I drank tea and forgot to wash before going to our middle sister's house). I told her in the message "you want to build a sister relationship with me but insists in purposefully annoying me at all times, shaming me in front of family and blaming me for stuff you did. You lost your last chance" and blocked her everywhere. She hasn't returned home since I sent that message.
Our mom is blaming me for her not returning, she showed me messages with my eldest sister in which she said it was our mom's fault I blocked her and she needed to solve this. I got mad at our mom too and just told her to not get involved in this, ignore her too because whatever she says won't change how I view my useless sister. She's still bothering me about this issue, our middle sister says I'm right, my best friend too but ou mom saying I should apologize and unblock her is making me wonder if I'm actually wrong. AITAH? | NTA your sister is and your mum is complicit and enabling her insufferable behaviour …. Don’t apologise |
WIBTAH if I told my brother that his wife might have HPD? | Details changed, burner account to avoid ID
To be clear, I (35F) am not a psychologist, and I’m not trying to ‘armchair diagnose’ her (30F). With that understood, I do see an alarming number of behaviors that seem to line up with the common reported manifestations of Histrionic Personality Disorder.
I believe that bringing this up to my brother (33M) will be beneficial to everyone involved, but I’m not sure if that’s considered AH behavior or not.
I don’t know if my reasons for suspecting HPD are relevant for judgement here, but here are some examples just in case:
- Exaggerates stories of things that have happened to herself and other people. These exaggerations escalate and change with each retelling of the same story.
- Seems to NEED to be the main character of her friend group. This is recognized by said friend group, who have already developed coping strategies to deal with this
- Needs to be involved in every conversation, regardless of context. She appears visibly anxious when anyone is talking about/doing something that she’s not involved with. Not being at the center of conversation appears to be viscerally intolerable to her.
- Infantilizes himself around her husband, who responds by excessively doting on and reassuring her for hours
- Mimics others’ behavior, clothing, speech patterns, etc
- Very preoccupied with personal appearance - has had elective(not medically indicated) jaw surgery, and brings up weight/diet constantly
- If someone respectfully and politely offers an alternative to her opinion or way of doing things, she gets disproportionately offended and IRATE. To the point of needing to be talked down from ending friendships over trivial disagreements.
- Frequently apologizes for things that dont require apologies, and appears to need constant praise/reassurance
- Seems to make decisions solely based around what others opinions will be
- Constantly interrupts people in conversation
I think that highlighting the similarities between HPD diagnostic criteria and his wife’s behaviors will allow my brother to understand her better and ultimately get her some therapeutic help tailored to addressing these issues.
That said, I don’t want to upset my brother (or his wife), and if doing so would make me an AH, I won’t bring it up. | >I (35F) am not a psychologist
Then shut the fuck up. |
AITAH for telling my sister she should move out if she doesn’t like that me and my other sister disagree on her controlling what happens in our shared room? | I (14f) have two sisters (18F & 10F). I share a room with my older sister (let’s call her A) and my younger sister (B). I’ve been sharing a room with them since the moment I was born. It’s frustrating since one’s an adult now, I’m a teenager and B is a pre-teen. But here’s the problem. A always tell B and I that it’s not just our room, and I understand that it’s not just my room, but it’s not just hers either.
Me and B don’t like when the window is open (keep in mind it’s winter and it’s cold), and it’s especially hard for B since her bed is right by the window and it’s colder at night than it is during the day. I don’t like it either. I don’t mind if it’s cracked because our room does tend to get a little hot some nights, but A likes to open it more then it already is. Whenever I confront her about she’ll say that it’s not just my room. I’ve been trying to ignore it but today I kind of snapped because I’m getting frustrated. I told her that it’s not just her room either, and right now 2 out of 3 people agree that the window should be closed or cracked at night.
I told her that if she doesn’t like that the window is closed then she should start saving money to move out, but I think it was a little mean, but I’m not sure since she says way worse things to me and B.
So, AITA for finally snapping? | A thinks she's entitled because she's the oldest. I'm wondering, though, why isn't her bed the one that's right by the window?
You are NTA. |
AITAH for calling a boy “chopped”? Who do you agree with—Lilly or Thea and Samantha? | It started in English class when we told Samantha to check our group doc and look at J’s picture (a guy Lilly has been talking to). After class, no one was saying anything, so Amanda joked that he was “chopped.” Samantha immediately said it was “plain cruel,” that the convo was irking her, and left. Thea said something and left too.
Amanda went to work on a project, leaving Lilly alone in the doc. When Samantha and Thea came back, they ganged up on Lilly, calling her and Alex cruel and acting like they had told J to his face. Lilly said it may have been rude, but not cruel, and Samantha shut that down. Lilly called Carmen for support, and Carmen joined with her sister Madison. They explained it was a simple mistake and not a big deal.
Samantha brought religion into it, which Lilly questioned, since everyone has different beliefs. Thea talked about being raised differently, and Lilly responded that everyone was. Lilly then pointed out that everyone has talked badly about someone before, including their parents, which made Samantha and Thea mad.
Thea insisted J needed to know, so we sent him the doc. J didn't really even care, and said it wasn’t a big deal. Despite that, Thea kept arguing and wanted Madison and Carmen gone. Samantha left the group, saying we were a bad influence, but later came back, accepted apologies, and left respectfully.
Amanda returned and explained she’d been overwhelmed and had a panic attack because of the situation. She called out Thea for being hypocritical about gossip and criticized Samantha for leaving the group instead of calmly addressing the issue. Amanda apologized directly to J and said he didn’t deserve the comment.
Even after that, Thea continued acting like the victim. Lilly, Carmen, and Madison made a copy of the doc to talk privately, and Carmen and Madison decided to stop being friends with Samantha and Thea. A call was later held with Lilly, Amanda, and Thea, where Thea complained about trust, contradicted herself, used unnecessary slang, and made everything about her. Lilly pointed out that this was the group’s first argument and Thea and Samantha were already leaving.
The next day, Thea refused to resolve things, deleted the doc, and removed access for everyone (she owned the doc). On 1/12/26, Lilly asked for the doc back to show her mom, but Thea ignored her and laughed on camera. In class, Thea made petty comments and implied the group had just been a distraction to her.
Now, only Lilly, Amanda, Carmen, and Madison are still friends. They stayed calm, apologized and tried to resolve things, and showed maturity, while Samantha and Thea escalated the situation and cut people off.
**TL;DR:**
A joke calling a boy “chopped” turned into a massive conflict. Samantha and Thea called people cruel, brought religion into it, escalated the situation, and refused to resolve it—even after J said he wasn’t upset. Amanda had a panic attack from the stress. In the end, Samantha and Thea left, while Lilly, Amanda, Carmen, and Madison stayed and proved they were real friends.
| NTA, if ur friends overreacted over a simple joke, it's a good thing u guys aren't friends anymore. |
WIBTAH if I cut off one of my closest friends? | Hi y'all,
So basically, me (23M), and one for my closest friends (25M) joined a small group of people who were playing Among Us (hard to explain, search it up ty).
I know what I did was wrong but I decided I'd start messing about with the other players, not ruining the game exactly but making it a bit more entertaining for me. We still won all the rounds as crewmates. I made sure not to take it too far, and did my bit to make sure we won.
I told my one friend about me messing around and they said that they found it funny. Then he goes to the host of the group, talking about how I'm "hacking" the game. He goes on to insult me horribly to her, all behind my back by the way (keep in mind he's my closest friend and we spend lots of time together)
She decides to give me one more chance to stop messing around. I apologised and started playing properly, but I didn't know that my friend was constantly insulting me behind my back, while also complimenting me over how well I'm doing to my face.
When I found out to the extent I was being insulted (remember he's my closest friend), I immediately distanced myself from him. I thought the group just held the past against me, but it turned out he was messaging all of them about me, while being nice to me to my face.
The other people also found out he was doing the same to them, complimenting them to their faces while tearing them down in front of others. Not sure how relevant this is but he'll mostly message girls, talking trash about guys to them. Maybe he's just doing it for some attention from them? Idk.
They all got him into a group call and one by one called him out for being fake and how his behaviour was horrible. This is when I found out for the past 2 months he's been talking trash about me, basically since the beginning of when we first joined the group.
I was sent screenshots of what he was saying about me, but I've kept them to myself for now and haven't confronted him personally yet.
The other things he did were also so bad, he immediately got banned from the group, and blocked by everyone.
So reddit, now that I have these screenshots, what should I do? WIBTAH if i cut him off?
Also just to note, we work together, although I'm part time, and we go to the same football session together, once a week. Also this isn't the first time he has done stuff like this, since this one was aimed at me personally, this time I'm taking action.
How should I respond guys? He's 25 acting like this? | Wrong sub. Not an advice sub. This sub is to tell whether you're an asshole or not. I'm going with YTA (You're the asshole). You are 23, yet I thought you were 13 before I read your age. Let that one sink in. |
AITAH for wanting to break up with my boyfriend because I don’t see him in my future? | I (20F) am in a 10-month relationship with my boyfriend (20M). I love him, but lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my future and I honestly don’t see him in it. I don’t even see anyone in it, and that makes me feel really guilty.
I come from an upper middle class family and I’m the second eldest. My family is very strict and toxic, and most of my decisions are controlled by them. They’re not open to mental health problems at all, even though, ironically, they’re the reason I struggle mentally in the first place. There’s no space for me to talk about how I feel without being judged or dismissed.
I’ve been caught twice before having a boyfriend, and both times my family’s reaction was really bad. Because of that, I can’t introduce my current boyfriend to my family. They don’t want me to be in a relationship at all, and I’m honestly scared of what would happen if they found out again.
On the other hand, my boyfriend comes from a lower middle class family and has a lot more freedom. His family already knows me and they like me, which makes me feel worse because I feel like I’m hiding him and not giving him what he deserves.
I’m also scared of marriage and having a family. Growing up, my parents always argued in front of us. Even though my dad is an OFW and my mom is busy with work, they were “there but not there.” Because of that, I’m scared of ending up in a toxic marriage like theirs. I’m not mentally stable right now, and I don’t trust myself to be a good partner or parent.
I’ve already told my boyfriend that I don’t want to get married or have kids. He wants a family someday because he’s an only child, and he said maybe I’ll change my mind in the future. But I’ve already accepted that I don’t want a marriage partner or kids at all. My cats are enough for me.
Right now, I feel stuck between my family, my mental state, and my boyfriend’s expectations. I love him, but I don’t want to hurt him more by staying when I know I can’t give him the future he wants or even openly include him in my life.
AITA for wanting to break up with him even though nothing bad happened and his family already likes me? | Well, are you currently happy with your boyfriend? All of your thoughts seem to be dictated by trauma. OK, for the future, but right now, is he the good person for you? |
AITAH dinner date 8:30, as that time rolled around I told him my uber was running a little later, I get there about 8:50. Guy tells me he’s been there since 8 and is a little astonished I’m not apologizing. I told him I’m not apologizing for something I’m not sorry for. | \[AITAH\] | YTA. He was super early. That was his choice. You were late. That’s on you, and it wouldn’t have hurt anything to say “I’m sorry.” Next time, order your Uber earlier. |
My (32M) GF (29F) and I have been having issues and fights and I need advice. AITAH for causing these problems or is this on her? | My (32M) GF (29F) and I have been together for almost 10 months. We met on Hinge and had an almost instant connection and level of familiarity & closeness with each other. We talked for an entire week with each other before meeting for our first date the following weekend. When we were on our first date, we both said things like, “wow it feels like I’ve missed you rather than meeting you for the first time” Just felt right with each other. She was very direct, respectful, calm, and just lovely to talk to. We had a great first date and we slept together. Again, she was very honest and direct about what she was looking for.. and said she doesn’t want to sleep with/date multiple people at once. I thought that was admirable as I also don’t like the idea of sleeping/dating multiple at once. So I agreed to that. We continued hanging out and I really enjoyed spending time with her. However, I for whatever reason didn’t pursue as I normally would? Maybe bc it seemed like our connection was so unique, but we just hung out as if we’d known each other for ages, not really elaborate dates. Here is where I wasn’t really a good person. I was true to not sleeping with others. But, I kind of continued to act single. Granted, it was still early (only weeks in) but I went out with friends, got waitresses numbers, random girls numbers, texted them, etc. I knew in my heart I wanted nothing to do with them. But I continued to engage, almost out of insecurity I guess. When we were sitting together, I would scroll through my photos, knowing there were raunchy/NSFW pics of me and/or other girls that sent me pics or I screenshotted or something. If I’m being honest with myself now, I think it was because I was insecure and wanted her to know I was a guy that partied. That got women and that was wanted. It’s pathetic bc… while thats true… I think she could have known that was the case. But I was stupid and pushed it in her face. She was pretty gentle and almost was smirking a bit at first. But then I took it further. I told her about how there’s cute girl at my work. I made it known that I still have ex’s nudes on my phone. Looked up former girls on IG that I slept with. This started to really eat at her and then fights started. After some months, I truly did reflect and I basically explained all of this to her. That I was being an ass and I 100% see how this would affect someone. I wanted to make it right. I offered to just delete my IG for a while while we work on regaining trust. I promised to get less jumpy on my phone and not freak out if she wanted to look at something on it. We would make really good progress, but there would be bumos and hiccups on the way. This girl really does do everything for me. She does 90% of the housework (laundry, cleaning, supplies, etc.) Cooking is one thing we really do share kinda 50/50. She gets fed up with that at times, which I fully agree with and understand. And I try to do more. She is very Type A and gets started on it when I don‘t even realize sometimes, at odd hours even. Anyway, to this day we are dealing with trust issues/jealousy. I can confidently say that I haven’t been doing anything bad to her for months now and nothing behind her back. I have been overly transparent with her. (i.e. if someone adds me on social media, I show her for example). Another issue has been porn. In a way, I realize its good to cut that out as it can be not great for people. So I want to say yes to going away with it, but then at times I bring it up and ask why it bothers her even in the first place and we fight. We have had many many fights. Never fully physical, but there’s been times where accidental scratches or grabs happened. She does yell a lot and has a way of escalating. Just recently she got angry and threw my desk chair into a wall and then knocked a picture off my wall and glass shattered…
I was very shaken up and the police came. They talked to both of us and we both defended each other. The argument stemmed from me saying that I agree trust it’s important and not lying, but that also prying and digging into every little detail of my personal life is just asking to get hurt. Basically I am saying and asking for her to trust me to have common sense about what is hurtful vs. what is acceptable in a relationship. How do we move forward? Please help. | ESH. You set the foundation for the trust issues early on, but the level of control, escalation and physical outbursts you’re describing now suggests the relationship has moved into a space where neither of you feels safe or stable anymore. |
AITAH for having fun while my partner is trying to give me the silent treatment? | I (30f) have been in way too many relationships with passive aggressive people pleasers. Years of therapy have FINALLY paid off and I’m starting to realize some things and do things differently.
My partner (30m) is mad at me. I have a pretty good idea why and it’s not something I did nor do I have any control over the situation (I’m sick and he’s upset I took time off work to rest). He’s been sulking around the house randomly standing in the room I’m in for a few seconds (waiting for me to ask him what’s wrong I think) and then walking away and holing up in the room playing video games for hours. It’s very clearly the silent treatment. He believes it’s my fault he’s upset and he wants me to fix it.
In the past, getting the silent treatment would have really hurt my feelings and I would have gone and tried to smooth things out, which probably would have led to a few hours of talking about feelings and boundaries. Which is utterly exhausting, especially when it happens multiple times a week.
But this time… I just don’t want to. So I let him sulk. And I hang out in the living room watching movies, talking to friends, playing games, and just trying to have a good time.
He just got home from running errands and I was listening to some fun hype music and having fun. He walked straight to the room and didn’t say hi or try to start a conversation.
So AITAH for knowing my partner is upset and not initiating a conversation? And for not being bothered by the silent treatment?
(If it’s relevant, he was sick first for two weeks and he ignored my advice and got mad at me for offering things that help. I was a elementary school teacher so I have a dedicated sick routine born from experience and the advice of doctors and coworkers. I woke up sick yesterday and immediately went into recovery mode - drinking tons of tea with honey and lemon, meds, nasal rinses, etc. I’m already feeling a lot better today but I can tell I need at least one more day of rest to fight it off or I’ll end up being sick much longer) | No and you are being healthy. Silent treatment is toxic. You are allowed to set boundaries and this is a good one. Not engaging in toxicity. |
AITAH For Not Wanting My Players To Use AI? | I recently started a new campaign for some of my family and close family friends. All of them have played dnd before, as my brother had been the dm for the last campaign before having to take a break.
I made an entire custom world and campaign to work with, since I wanted to make the experience something special, and asked everyone to let me help them with their characters if the knowledge I provided wasn’t enough to work with, and that I didn’t want them to use ai (especially since it wouldn’t know anything about the world).
Well, one of the players (family friend) sends me a backstory clearly made by ai that rips from harry potter HEAVILY, and doesn’t follow the established rules of the world.
My gripe with this stems from my dislike of generative ai in general, the fact that I now have to pick through the slop to make a harry potter ripoff work in my world, the implication that this player just doesn’t care about the story enough to even write her own character, and finally, that she ignored my request to contact me for help. (Not to mention the fact that I’m a game design student being overlooked in my own campaign)
When I told this to my mom, who is also playing, she said that it was unfair to ask the family friend to actually make her character, since creativity wasn’t her strong suit, and that it was kind enough that she was participating at all.
Which, if we’re going this route, then I would think that I’m also being kind by building an entire campaign since they all wanted to continue playing dnd while my brother is out, but I want to get other people’s opinions on if I should just drop it or not since it’s hard to think straight in these types of situations.
So, AITA? | You can lay out rules but if you are expecting everyone to adhere to them 100% expect to lose players |
AITAH for ending a 14 year friendship? |
Over the years, I have always provided free therapy. I reassure, comfort and gave advice that was nearly never listened to. I classified this person as my bestfriend. It all came to a head when she wouldn't stop asking to see me. I understand why she wanted to, it'd been a while but when her life was busy she didn't give a crud and bailed more often than not when we had plans.
It has been since last summer we saw each other, we talked everyday though. My husband and I had a miscarriage in July, it was confirmed the day before my mom told me a family member very suddenly passed away. I was still having symptoms, my husband and I were both dealing with loss. It wasn't easy, on top of that at the time we were also dealing with police because of HER ex boyfriend threatening my husband for liking a photo. Her ex went as far as to say he didn't care if he was out with our toddler and I or even just our toddler, he was going to beat him up. He threatened with a gun (she said was fake at the time then later said he also has a real one!) For some reason she didn't understand the anger with that and was upset when I asked for space.
Not long afterwards I became pregnant again, I immediately went back into having symptoms and was extremely sick (16lbs in less than a month) I didn't have much energy. At the time my husband and I were also working out of the city on a very exhausting job. My free time came down to spending it with my toddler and family things (big family with a terminal brother so its important to me for that time together) in September my grandpa suddenly started to decline. By November, he passed and it also felt quite sudden. I watched my mom's bestfriend, my aunts bestfriend both come to the service. My "bestfriend" didn't bother asking when it was, I told her and she saw my mom's post about it.
She chose to bug me the DAY of my grandpas funeral about seeing each other again, I gave a short answer then later explained why I did. Basically saying that it quite hurt that she didn't even ask how I was feeling, well that set her off and she started blaming me for never seeing her. I decided to say fuck it in that moment and told her I was done. The most we've spoken is she updated that her ex was finally going to jail on the charges.
Everybody I've talked to about it said it was the better thing to do, I know I wasn't perfect but I've honestly felt lighter since ending the friendship. There's been more peace in my life but I'm curious, strangers of reddit did I overreact?
TLDR; I ended a 14 year one-sided friendship because she wasn't really there for me and still bugged me about seeing each other the day of my grandpa's burial without even asking how I was. Her ex also threatened my husband's life. This was the last straw for me and I basically said fuck this. | You are perfectly aware YNTAH. There’s no reason to think friendships, even very close ones, will (or should) last forever. This one was already over and you both were just sort of hanging on to a few flimsy threads …….reluctantly on her side. So just let it be over and remember the fun stuff and don’t mourn the loss as it is simply time to create new ways to fulfill your life at any given time. |
AITAH for cutting off my family and becoming a tramp? | I, 22 Male, just graduated from college before leaving a goodbye letter to my family to go on a journey in which I wanted to end up in Alaska, surviving off the land. I donated the $25,000 my parents had for further education to a charity and didn't inform anyone of my plans.
Honestly, I think I'm in the right. The structured society that humans live in is nothing but a drag and it's full of lies and materialistic concepts that I cannot tolerate. I believe that the true way to live on planet Earth is to survive off the raw land.
However, during my journey to Alaska, I met a man up in Salton Springs while hitchhiking. I'll call him R.F. to protect his identity from this website. He doesn't need Fed agents watching his every move. He was a pretty nice fellow; he let me do my laundry at his apartment and fed me decently. He even taught me leatherwork and I made myself a pretty impressive belt.
The issue is that he's a huge man of family values and would make sure I knew it. One day he lectured me about how I lived my life, similar to many other people I've met, but I shut it down pretty quickly. R.F. was persistent, though. He wanted to help me in one way or another even if he was against it. Real nice guy, honestly. He had pure intentions. He even asked if he could adopt me, but I knew what would come of deep human connections.
As I make my way into Grand Junction after being dropped off by R.F., I've found the time to reflect on my journey. And I can't say I don't have my doubts. Sometimes I think of my sister and dog, and how saddened they might be by my sudden disappearance. Although I can't say I care much for how my parents feel, I feel like I might have been wrong to drop the bomb so quickly and then leave. I don't know if I should send a letter updating them or continue going AWOL. | alexander supertramp fanfic. next! |
Aitah- not signing co-habitation agreement | My spouse and I have been together for 7 years and have a young child
We separated last year for 5 months and got back together and are now sort of realizing that it’s not working out
Nothing hostile, we just aren’t on the same page and we are in a co-parenting relationship vs an actual loving relationship
My spouse makes significantly more than me (they make about 300,000 and I make 60,000)and I have always been more of the behind the scenes person that has supported them faithfully and loyally. When we were separated in the spring I was basically just alone in a basement suite crying feeling like a horrible failure and parent while they were travelling overseas living it up with friends
They put together a cohabitation agreement the other day and basically it says that I would be entitled to absolutely nothing (we have multiple properties that have appreciated significantly in value)
I’m meeting a lawyer next week but basically I’m not going to sign it, knowing that this will doom our relationship
Edit: we are in Canada so the law is pretty clear. I’m just going to make the decision what sets me up in the best possible position as a parent, because I’m not going to feel like I did in the spring ever again
Am I the asshole? | NTA!
There is absolutely no reason to sign this. Don’t do it! I can’t even begin to explain how utterly ridiculous this is. DO NOT DO IT! |
AITAH for correcting a child’s behavior? | So for context, I work at a movie theatre. The holidays are always absolutely insane. Both because we’re busy and because people are uncharacteristically rude and short with us workers. I’ve been doing this for 10 years, so I can deal with a lot. One thing I will not deal with is blatant disrespect. You won’t be getting your snacks from me.
Maybe 2 days after Christmas, I’m working concessions and a family comes in. They’re a little frazzled and a little rude. Which is fine, it’s a mom and dad and their two kids.
The first thing their youngest (6-7M) does is come up to the counter and GROWL AT ME. My son is around his age and autistic so I was giving him a lot of grace. The entire time his family was ordering, he was throwing a full blown fit. Yelling everything he wanted at the top of his lungs. Idk about y’all, but if I screamed my order at my parents when I was a kid, I wouldn’t get shit except a short trip back to the car.
They get what they want; a bunch of nachos and drinks. They pay, and then the kid starts freaking out again, saying he wants popcorn. His dad, very flustered, asks me for a small popcorn. I ask if they want butter, and before he can answer, his son screams at me “BUTTER!!!”
I was done with all that attitude right there. I stopped him and talked to the son directly.
“Hey bud, did you know that if you go somewhere to buy something, and you’re rude to the person selling it to you, they don’t have to help you. I don’t HAVE to go get your popcorn right now. So, could you say please?”
All of the sudden, he goes from the Tasmanian Devil to a little boy again. He pouts his lip, and very sweetly, says “Please?”
Before I can walk over to get his popcorn, his mom chimes in. “Nuh uh. You’re not about to discipline MY SON.” I told her that I don’t take disrespect from my own son, so why was I about to take it from hers? She goes running at the mouth again. I see where he gets it from.
So I did exactly what I said I would do. I walked away, and they did not get their popcorn from me. One of my other coworkers helped them and apparently the dad apologized for his wife and son’s behavior.
So AITAH? I don’t think what I said to her son was disrespectful. It was honest advice that he will need going forward if they want to take him literally anywhere. | NTA you deserve to be respected in your workplace. You corrected very slightly and it clearly worked. You have patience much longer than I could have. I volunteer at an MMA gym and we have to correct kids constantly as a big thing we teach is respect. |
AITAH for getting upset at my sister over a trip? | so each year we have a trip at uni we go to many places , it is really fun with my group and they come back late and my mom doesn’t let me to go alone to those places , before my sister gets married we make a promise that she will come with me no matter what since it only once a year her husband agreed and last time i told her she told me her and her husband are going somewhere and it is their life so i told it is fine and this year i told her again and she told me she can’t come since her husband is missing his parents which they visit 8 days ago and i told her can’t it wait since they literary can go anytime and my sister said that she can’t say that to her husband and if i really want to go i should ask her husband . I am not upset that she doesn’t come but she expects me to drop everything for her no matter what and i did many times and honestly i don’t ask her for anything rather than that and now my mom doesn’t let me go and she says i am acting childish
Am i really the ah here? | NAH - It’s understandable that OP is upset — this was a once-a-year plan and a promise that OP relied on. At the same time, the sister is married now and does have the right to prioritize her own life and marriage.
The real issue here is the mother. Instead of adapting as circumstances changed, she’s still restricting OP and then criticizing OP for being upset about the consequences. If OP isn’t allowed to go alone, and the sister can’t come, the reasonable response would be flexibility or helping find an alternative — not calling OP childish.
This conflict exists because the rules never evolved, not because OP or the sister are acting unreasonably. |
WIBTAH If i called him out on his racism? | Am i overreacting?
I don’t like my friends boyfriend. He seems kind of racist or at least idk. So basically it all started when they were friends. He’d look me right in the eye and be like “ this BLACK girl asked me out the other day, but i rejected her because she wasnt my type” i was like whatever because it could just mean she wasnt his type. Then again later he would say all the girls i rejected weren’t my type and say that looking directly at me. Then today my hair was getting on my nerves so i said im this close from cutting my hair off and wearing a wig and this boy looks at me and says yeah like all blacks girls like you do. Like omg. I was just tired of his bs, but i dont want it to seem like im being over dramatic or something. I want to call him a racist and all that stuff and yell. He just gets on my nerves. I just want to know if I’m overreacting. Does he think I like him or something?!
There’s also many other instances, but these are the ones that are getting on my nerves. | WNBTAH call him out gurll especially in front of everyone :)
These people are still in our society is genuinely..concerning. :) |
AITAH for how I handled an unplanned pregnancy and VPI, according to my partner? | I (F30) am writing this because I genuinely want an outside, honest perspective. I’m not trying to defend myself here. I want to understand whether I’m the one who is wrong in this situation and most of all whether I destroyed trust beyond repair.
I was seeing a man (28) for a short time. We were not officially in a relationship, and we were discussing whether or not to be together, which made everything more fragile and sensitive.
An unplanned pregnancy happened, and the situation became emotionally overwhelming for both of us. Because I want to understand his point of view as accurately as possible, I am now going to present the situation exactly as he has described experiencing it, as if he were writing this himself. My pov is of course full of other things, lots of pain and emotions during of all this (so please, try to not ne judgmental) but, for a bit of context, I just wanna say that in the days after the abortion, I acknowledged my mistakes and apologized to him. At the same time, I also told him that I was deeply hurt by the fact that he did not support me during the procedure at all, and that his reaction toward me felt extremely harsh. I mention this only to explain the broader context of our conversations afterward, not to argue my side.
His pov (at least to the best of my knowledge):
“ I was seeing a woman for a short time when she told me she was pregnant. Given how new and uncertain our situation was, I felt scared and like I was losing control over my life.
During an argument, she told me something along the lines of “my body, my choice,” which made me feel excluded and powerless, as if my feelings didn’t matter and I had no say in something that would deeply affect my life. Even though she later apologized, that sentence stayed with me and made me believe that this was how she truly thought.
Later, we agreed on a plan for her to have a pharmacological abortion. She told me when it would happen, and I trusted her.
On the day she was supposed to start the procedure, I messaged her in the afternoon asking how she was doing. I didn’t hear back until 8 when she replied saying she hadn’t taken the first pill yet. She said she could’t do it cuz was having a panic attack and struggling emotionally. To me, this felt like a serious breach of trust. I felt abandoned and alone with the fear, as if an important agreement had been broken without warning.
That evening, she did go through with the abortion. However, by that point we had already argued, and I was emotionally overwhelmed.
After that, I did not reach out to her. From my perspective, I needed space and time to process what had happened and to think about whether I could continue seeing her. In the days that followed, I remained distant for this reason, until she eventually called me.
When she later explained her behavior by saying she was struggling mentally, it felt to me like she was using her mental health as an excuse instead of taking responsibility.
Because of this, I feel that I lost trust in her completely and I don’t know whether it’s reasonable to continue seeing someone who, in my view, acted selfishly and broke trust during such a critical moment. I feel highly traumatized by the loss of control and unsure whether I can trust her again or build a relationship with her. Some of my friends also told me that what she did was unforgivable and that they would not be able to trust someone after this.”
Thank you in advance | NTA. It sounds like you were both panicked, but I do wish you’d had more support through what must have been difficult days. That he still doesn’t ‘trust’ you seems like an overreaction but it’s probably not a relationship to continue at this point, anyway. |
AITAH kicked out of share house, refused entry to property unable obtain the rest of my belongings | Okay so, tldr (if this gets a lot of interest I’ll write out the whole thing) TLDR roommate manipulated me into a breakup, roommate totalled my car, roommate kicked me out, roommate refuses to let me pick up my belongings left in my room, so his 37 year younger boyfriend.. steals the house mailbox and leaves it at the front door of my hotel room…. AITAH for thinking about keeping it OR WIBTAH if I paint it (grotesquely) and tig weld it back into the mailbox spot at the house? | Go to the nearest police station and explain the situation. They'll accompany you to get your stuff |
AITAH for ignoring the presence of my flirty co-worker - and not telling his "date" about his behaviour? | I (F, 32) started a new job in April/May '25 and after the first months developed mutual flirtation with a co-worker (M, 32, divorced, two small kids). At first he asked me on dates, but he cancelled the first one and said at work, jokingly "we could just call this a first date". When I (later, on text) addressed the dating-part with "I was surprised you actually used the word 'date'", he took it back in an insecure, jokingly and flirty way.
We ended up agreeing to be just casual (hookups and flirting) (actually agreed several times, since he during a flirty-work-day said abruptly that he "wouldn't date a colleague" and left. When I texted him later, he explained that he "wasn't sure where I stood" - I told him we agreed the casual part, so that's how I saw it).
At work, he’d be very flirty when no one else was around and sent flirty/sexual messages - but often didn’t follow through. Sometimes he'd apologise and suggest a new day, others he would go quiet. We did hook up twice at my place though (about six months ago) and it was literal fireworks. He kept up his heavy, flirty behaviour but stopped following through at all - still either quiet or with apologies and new suggestions.
At one point I texted I took his behaviour as if he’d changed his mind— which was totally fine, but please just say so. He replied, “let’s just say that was it,” and I agreed to keep it collegial.
After that, in person, he picked it back up: strong eye contact, “long time no see,” asking why I sounded “cold,” complimenting me, little favors (like bringing an energy drink), and asking what I was doing that evening. I told him words without action were a waste of my time. He laughed it off and said he’s just bad at communication. Same day, he half-joked about having sex at work in the basement (a fantasy I'd told him about once, which he kept bringing up). I told him plainly: either act on it or stop the flirting. He said ashamedly (looking in the floor) he would think about it and asked me not to look at him in a hateful way. When I asked about the look he gave me, he said “longing.”
He messaged days later if I was home tonight, and I offered a concrete time (21:00). He didn’t reply, but texted at 04:00 that he was sorry ❤️ and that he'd fallen asleep.
We had a Christmas party where I felt he avoided eye contact. Actually we didn't talk at all, which was so weird for me - but also intentional. A week later at work he said “maybe we shouldn’t sit so close”, but kept being flirty later that day and told me he was surprised to see me at the party. I texted him the next day, asking if he was available. He replied in a flirty way that he was too tired and had to get up early, but he still would like to see me and proposed for me to visit him. I proposed for him to give me a time and date, which didn't happen.
**5 days later:** a woman (whom I don't know and have never heard of) DM’d me asking if I’d left a dress at his place (she was apparently just texting names she'd heard of), and she suspected that we were both seeing him. She said he talks about me as a “good and sweet colleague who flirts with a lot with him.” I told her I've never been at his place, and didn't go further into the details, since it's not my place. I then told him to keep me out of his private mess and not to frame it like I’m the only one flirting. He said he agreed and that I shouldn’t be dragged into anything, and that he had no idea what was going on. I told him that I'm sure he knows what's going on, but to leave me out of it or be honest, no matter what. He didn't reply and the woman blocked me (understandingly).
I haven't seen him in weeks (I work part time until February), except briefly a few days ago where I did not approach or look at him at all. I was explaining a situation to my other colleagues. He was looking and I could sense his uncomfortableness, but I did NOT even look his way. I completely ignored his presence in the room.
I have no idea what happened to the woman or how his datinglife is in general - I never asked, he never told. Therefore also no idea for how long they've been seeing each other or if he's seeing anyone else.
My issue with this situation is his lack of honesty. I told him from the beginning, that this "arrangement" would be fine, if we were just honest with each other and checked in once in a while. Since he kept flirting, suggested seeing each other and had that so-called "longing" look the entire time (even wen I didn't look at him) etc. etc. etc., I took his words for it, despite the cancelling. To me he just seemed insecure and as he was awaiting my signals the entire time. And well - it was just casual and (a lot of heavy) flirting. But this situation with the woman feels like a lack of respect and is the kinda drama I thought we'd avoid with being only casual. Now I'm kinda mad and unsure about how to approach him at work - mainly because I'm scared to lose my temper a little, and mostly want to have our great cooperation at work back.
BUT I do feel kinda bad about ignoring his presence at work the other day - it doesn't feel like the 'right' and mature thing to do. I was just so scared to actually let my feelings get away with me. ALSO: I wanted to tell the other woman about his behaviour and so on - since I could sense her anxiety. But I also think that it is wrong of her to contact strangers like that (kinda toxic and insane, tbh) - and could potentially hurt my own workplace, if I had told her. Also wasn't really my place at all. But could I still be an A-hole for not telling her? | NTA He made it all weird and kept letting you down so I think you dodged a bullet. Over time it will get easier to be at work around him I'm sure but you have no obligation to try to make it better or anything. Just carry on like nothing happened if you can, you haven't done anything wrong. |
AITAH for being friends with 2 people that hate each other? | So I have 2 friends Anita and Lauren. I knew Anita before I knew Lauren. Lauren has never really liked Anita and she despises her. When Lauren found out that I am friends with Anita she asked me for Anita's ig account cuz she wanted to talk to her (at this time I didn't know Lauren hated Anita). Now Anita didn’t know who Lauren was until I told her about Lauren and how Lauren wanted to talk to her. Anita accepted and I thought they'd become friends and we'd all be friends but that didn't happen.
After their conversation Anita showed me the text messages and they were clearly fighting. Lauren was accusing Anita of lying about some stuff (I can't say cuz of privacy reasons).
Now for some backstory*
So there's this other girl we'll call her Sara and she's a bully. She has continuously bullied Anita, Lauren and I multiple times but Anita actively talks to Sara and they are always arguing.
Now Anita is saying that I shouldn't be friends with Lauren because Lauren hates Anita and they are beefing and also Lauren talks to Sara so Anita said Lauren is probably talking bad about me with Sara.
Mind you we are all 15-16 and Sara is 19. | [deleted] |
AITAH if I break up with my bf because he thinks it’s ok to yell at me | My boyfriend and I are 22, he raises his voice and sometimes yells when he are bickering which I don’t do. I’ve told him it scares me and it’s not right but he just asks me how I think he should act when he gets angry. And it’s better to yell than to break and throw things. He’s usually kind and gentle and this just feels like a huge line for me, I don’t want to end it though, it’s so hard because I’m in love with him. I love lots of things about our relationship. I just don’t know if this is where I should stop it for my own sake | He thinks yelling and breaking things are his only two options? Tell him to count to 10 or remove himself from the scenario until he calms down, they're called delay tactics. |
AITAH for flirting with a girl in front of my ex after she told me we couldn't be back together? | This happened a few months ago...but what happened still haunts me because it was really confusing. My girlfriend broke up with me at the beginning of August. It was really painful, especially since I was still in love with her...and honestly, I'm not yet 100% over it.
We share the same group of friends and we’re both big fans of psytrance music festivals. We have a shared friend group with whom we do festivals, raves, and trips together.
Beginning of September, we went to another festival with the same group. I know very well how things usually go in places like that, and I really didn’t want to go because she was going to be there… but at the last minute, I decided to go anyway because I also wanted to see my friends.
Things were going pretty well between us: short but cordial interactions, and by the end of the second day we were almost talking like friends again. Still, on the third day, I broke down and asked her if she had five minutes to talk.
I told her that I was still in love with her (which is true back in that day) and that I wanted to try again with her. She told me it wasn’t possible, that she had already moved on and that I should do the same. She even said that there were new girls with us (friends of one of my friends) and that I could try my luck with them.
That evening, after a whole day of dancing, I sat next to one of those girls. I hadn’t talked much with her before, but I did find her cute. We started talking and, little by little, we ended up alone in the camping area… and there, we kissed. We spent the whole evening cuddling on a camping couch.
At 4 a.m., the rest of the group (my ex was with them) came back to the campsite, and this girl and I were still cuddled up together. I thought everything was fine, my ex was even interacting with us. And we were just there together, we didn't kiss or something in front of her.
In the morning, she asked me if she could talk to me for five minutes. She completely blew up at me. She was screaming like she was possessed, calling me a liar, telling me that everything I had said to her was bullshit and that she was going to block me. I stayed calm because I didn’t want to draw even more attention. She kept saying: “How can you tell me you still love me and end up with someone else the very same night?”
Honestly, I don’t understand what happened at all. This festival wasn’t the first time I asked her to try again, it was actually the third time, and all three times she told me it wasn’t possible. She broke up with me and I was a whole month trying to be back with her... | She needed to be your world and have that power over you |
AITAH for breaking up with my GF for her sleeping pattern and lack of ambition? | AITAH for choosing my future peace over this relationship?
I (38M) have been dating my girlfriend (33F) for 9 months now. Let’s call her P. She’s genuinely a good person, and we bonded over a lot of things early on.
That said, her lifestyle is becoming a major issue for me.
P’s sleep schedule is honestly appalling. She sleeps from around 4 a.m. to 5 p.m.—roughly 11 hours a day. Because of this, she doesn’t have a job, still lives with her parents, and constantly complains about how little “allowance” she gets from them.
This is a big red flag for me. I know she loves me, but love alone doesn’t make a relationship work.
She’s been saying she wants to “change her life for the better,” but after 8 months, I’ve seen zero action. Her friends arranged job interviews for her that she didn’t attend. Her father helped her get a job, and she quit after a few days. Every time, the excuse is the same: her sleeping issues.
She also complains about her mom being “irresponsible” because her mom forgot to put her clothes in the washing machine. P is 33.
When she talks about our future, she casually mentions how lucky she is to be with someone who can cook—because she can’t and don't like to. That comment really hit me, because it sounded less like a partnership and more like a plan for me to carry everything.
I eventually reached my limit and told her I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m responsible for everything. That’s just not how I want my life to look.
She then accused me of being an asshole for not recognizing her love or her mental health struggles.
I even offered to pay for her therapy, and she refused, saying it wouldn’t help.
I know things are hard for her, and I don’t think she’s a bad person. But I also know I had to put my own future and peace first.
So… AITAH? | NTA whether she knows it or not, she’s got issues she needs to deal with and you’re not obligated to be there if she’s not going to change. |
AITAH for being irritable while waiting in the cold just after returning from a weekend away? | I (29F) went on a ski-trip with work colleagues for the weekend. My colleagues and I drove back on Sunday about 7 hours to my colleagues house. Which is about 1h 20min from my house. On the way back my husband (30M) told me he has a headache and I decided and communicated that it would be better if I take the bus to the nearest train station and he could pick me up there, instead of him having to drive 1h20m to fetch me and then another 1h20m back. That would shorten his trip by 20m to the train station instead.
When I arrived at the train station, I called and let him know that I'm at the bus station area where the starbucks is, of which he knows exactly where it located. Now, I don't know this train station but he does as he workplace is next door. He sent a location of where he was parked with the car, which was all the way back from where the bus came. He asked if it was too far and I said yes, but I'll try get there. (it was 950m, 13 min walk)
On the way there I realised that you cannot cross over the street and get to his direction from where I was - they block the road with fences so the pedestrians can't go there.
I called again and said that I cannot reach that area, that it is freezing cold and at this point you could hear in my voice that I am unhappy and a bit annoyed. It was about -1, feeling -8 with a ice cold chilling wind and I had two sholder bags with me.
He directed me to go arround up the station to the starbucks again and then take the doors infront towards the building A, there are three doors so I took the door to the left that said with a sign: building A with an arrow. Making my way down, to the building A, I see road that's allowcated for cars. At that point I send him a pin location, expected that he would be able to get to this road and pick me up.
At this point it was us calling back and forth to figure out where he is and he figures out how to get to me and sending our location to wach other. In between these calls I get voccally irratble and complain that it's cold and that I cannot answer my phone because of the gloves and my hands are so cold it doesn't get detected on the phone. Eventually he sent me a location of where he is parked and I walked towards him. Put my stuff in the trunck and go. The total waiting time in the cold was 20min.
After a minute of being in the car, I apologise that I got irritable and impatience towards him.
He ignored me the rest of the car drive back home, not asking me a single thing and wanted to be left alone. When we got home we argued and he says I don't appreciate him and that I scholded/critizes him.
So AITAH for getting irritated while waiting in the cold after the weekend away?
| NTA, when did you realize your husband was such an idiot and immature? I would have be livid and made sure his headache would have been worse. |
AITAH sold puppy | My boyfriend’s friend had a litter of puppies 8 weeks ago. Great Pyrenees x Golden Shepherd. We had first pick of the litter and I picked a white boy. Nothing else came up about it, we’ve talked I’ve prepared etc. Changed my schedule at work and most important to me, I’ve been extremely excited. Today is Sunday we were to get him on Tuesday, I texted and asked for a picture and he said. “I’m sorry I tried but the other family sold the puppies without my knowledge and they sold yours. We have the black ones left.”
In my eyes I feel like this was done on purpose. I know it’s hard to sell black dogs let alone a big dog that’s mixed with golden. I feel let down and I can only express myself with anger. I’m very frustrated. My boyfriend just keeps showing me other puppies saying let’s go get this one etc. But in my head I’ve been preparing for that dog it doesn’t feel the same it feels like it was stolen and my happiness about it is gone. AITAH for being upset and now refusing to get any dog even though I want one. | NTA for feeling disappointed the puppy was sold but unless you paid for it, there isn’t much recourse.
Maybe check out your local shelters for a similar looking puppy that needs a home. |
AITAH for not wanting to get together again because my partner (28M) says he loves me (23F) but won't defend me to another “university-friend” (22F) am I overreacting? Help! | TL;DR I’m a 23-year-old woman and he’s 28. He tells me he loves me deeply, that I’m his only option, and that no one has ever made him feel the way I do. Yet at the same time, he protects another woman in his life more than he protects me. Because of that, I feel unchosen, emotionally unsafe, and confused. I’m not jealous of her, but I’m scared he might secretly want her, or that his ego is getting in the way of choosing me.
This is my first relationship, and I genuinely don’t know whether I’m being unreasonable or whether my feelings are valid. I’m trying to understand if this is about his ego, some subconscious attraction to her, or if I’m simply overreacting.
We were together for almost two years and broke up three months ago after a relationship that had become toxic in some ways. Now we’re considering trying again. He tells me there is real love between us, and I believe that. I don’t doubt that he loves me. But there is one specific situation that has made me feel emotionally unsafe for a long time, and I can’t seem to get past it.
The core issue involves another woman from his university. They study together and are part of the same student environment. Before our breakup, he had distanced himself from her because her presence made me uncomfortable. After we broke up, however, he became close to her again, supposedly just as friends.
What made me uncomfortable started about two years ago. She told him that I didn’t like her and that I was “so mean” to her, which simply wasn’t true. She then claimed that she had cleared things up with me, even though she had never spoken to me at all. When I eventually found out, I reached out to her directly to clear the air. I genuinely believed the issue was resolved.
Two years later, I discovered that she had continued telling him the same story behind my back, still pretending she had spoken to me and still portraying me negatively. I only found this out after we had already broken up. When I confronted her again, she twisted events and denied things she had previously said, to the point where it felt like she was trying to gaslight me.
I told my ex everything and explained clearly that this was not a misunderstanding. She had lied. What shocked me most was that, at that point, it suddenly didn’t seem to matter to him anymore. I’ve tried to tell myself that maybe he was emotionally unstable at the time, that he had lost a lot of weight after the breakup and didn’t have the energy to deal with it. But even so, his reaction hurt deeply.
Before confronting her personally, and him finding out she was lying instead of defending me, he said he didn’t know who to believe. He minimized the situation, defended her more than me, and questioned my perception by insisting she didn’t have bad intentions. He refused to clearly confront her or set boundaries. Because they study together, work on projects, and are part of a six-person friend group, he keeps telling me that “she will always be in his life” and asks how I expect things to work if we get back together.
I want to be very clear about something.
This is not coming from jealousy or insecurity. I’m confident in who I am, how I look, my academics, my personality and my emotional depth. I’m not comparing myself to her. If anything, when I confronted her, I felt sad for her. She isn’t the real problem. He is.
I’ve also been very clear about my boundaries. I have no issue with professional distance, group projects, or university-related interactions. What I’m not comfortable with is a friendly or emotionally close dynamic with someone who lied about me and continued to misrepresent me for years.
Recently, he mentioned that the group sometimes hangs out at someone’s place. I said that wouldn’t bother me. Then, unprompted, he added that she’s “always cuddling with some guy there anyway.” That comment unsettled me. It felt unnecessary and emotionally loaded, almost like it mattered to him in some way.
There’s also additional context that makes this harder for me to ignore. Right before our last break up , he has hidden messages with her. They were not flirting or anything but still…He told me he has a fake account and has seen posts on her social media, which feels like stalking even though he says he’s just curious and does that with everyone. He helped her get a professional opportunity in a country where he himself wants to work. He also planned to spend time with her outside of purely professional settings.
Right before our breakup, I asked him not to meet her alone. He told me I was extremely limiting his freedom and insisted that he knew what he was doing.
Now, when I express how much this still hurts me, he tells me that my resentment is bigger than my love, and that I’m driven by hate toward her. That isn’t true at all. I’m not trying to punish him or win anything. I’m scared because I don’t feel chosen.
What hurts the most is that one clear conversation from him—calling out the lie and setting boundaries—could have prevented years of pain. I’ve begged for that conversation for two years. All I want is one talk. But he refuses.
He says that because I’ve begged for it for so long, he won’t “give in” and let me win the argument. He says I ruined the relationship because I couldn’t get over this.
I don’t think he’s consciously in love with her. But I’m terrified that he has a soft spot for her that’s stronger than his instinct to protect me. Living with that fear is exhausting.
I keep wondering whether this isn’t about her at all, but about his ego. Maybe he’s refusing to act because he wants to teach me a lesson, to force me to finally let go of this after two years. Or maybe there is some attraction toward her that he doesn’t even admit to himself. Or maybe I really am overreacting.
I’m scared to talk openly about this with people in my life because I don’t want them to hate or resent him. There is real love between us, and I don’t want outside opinions to turn him into a villain when I know he’s more complex than that. But I also can’t ignore how unsafe and unchosen I feel anymore.
So I keep asking myself: is this about his ego, or is it about her? | You already felt emotionally unsafe meaning you don't trust him. A relationship without trust is not good. NTA. Better for you. |
AITAH for telling my husband to step up? | My husband (45m) and I (39f) have been together for 13 years.
My husband has never really had a career. He’s had jobs on and off. Sometimes with large gaps where he is not working. Throughout most of our relationship, it never really bothered me.
However, 20 months ago we had a child. This has completely changed my mindset on our family and financial dynamic. This isn’t just about us and keeping afloat anymore. It’s about our child and providing them the best life possible.
Currently, he is not working. He hasn’t been working for quite a while. I actually purchased a second car, so he could get to and from work. He kept that job for about a month before he quit.
I am the only breadwinner in the house. Due to this, I work 2 jobs and I pay for everything. The rent, all the bills, the food, childcare, etc.
I should also mention, that he is almost $100,000 in debt. His minimum payments are over $3000. I also pay for this. I have asked him to stop using his cards, and while he uses them less than before, he is still making unnecessary purchases with them.
Recently, he said that he wanted to go back to school. He wanted to get a career, so he can help provide for the family. Normally, most people would be happy that their partner wants to be academically ambitious. I am giving him my full support, but I am very hesitant. He has said he wanted to go back to school in the past, and nothing has ever come of it. He never received his high school diploma, so he can’t just hop in to getting a degree. He first needs to complete his high school and then go into his schooling. He has started taking the steps for getting his HS diploma this time, so it is looking more promising.
He gets overwhelmed very easily, and he is not somebody who would be able to work a job, while going to school.
Due to my work schedule, it is hard for me to find the time to come home and clean. I work sometimes 7 days a week.
The house is a mess. He does dishes once a week, so they end up piling up in the sink. He refuses to do laundry. I come home and still need to cook dinner for him and our child, pick up around the house, etc.
I have gotten house cleaners to come and clean as he is not doing his part. I dont really have money in the budget for this, but I cant have us living in a pigsty.
When myself and our child are home, I do about 95% of the childcare. He will go off into his game room, and watch shows, scroll on the Internet, or play video games. Even when hes in the same room with us, hes spending most of the time scrolling on his phone. Our child is currently potty training, and I had them without a diaper on for a short time so they could use their toilet. I announced that I was going into the other room to get a diaper. I come back into the room to see him on his phone, and our toddler standing next to him peeing on the couch. He was completely oblivious of the situation, and we got into an argument because he considered it not his fault.
This is my current schedule:
Wake up, make breakfast for myself and our toddler, get the toddler ready, get myself ready, drop our toddler off at daycare, go to work, pick our toddler up from daycare, go home, make dinner, try to pick up and spend time with our child, get our child ready for bed & put our child to bed. Most nights I also need to go back out to work once our child is in bed, and I don’t get home until 10 or 11pm.
His schedule:
Get out of bed right before I leave with our toddler to say bye, who knows what he does during the day. I know it involves naps and time on the computer. Comes sporadically to spend time with us when we get home (around 5pm). Brush our child’s teeth. Go back to watching something, or playing video games when our toddler is in bed.
Our deal was that if I am providing financially for the household, he is supposed to be taking care of the household. He has not been upholding his end of our “deal”. When I bring this up he gets upset and defensive. He says when he does things I don’t even notice. I don’t think he should need a pat on the back anytime he does the dishes or wipes down the table. If there are dishes, and the sink is full, do them. I don’t care that you also did them yesterday. He huffs and puffs when I ask him if he can take our child to daycare or pick them up. I feel like I’m asking for the bare minimum, and it’s either not getting done or it turns into push back and an argument.
AITH for asking my husband to step up and help out?
Edit: I should add that his debt has doubled in almost the last 3 years (because of unnecessary things such as food delivery, video games, sport events). It was a lot more manageable prior to that. He was also working before I got pregnant, so he was paying the debt on his own. He kept living like he was when he was working, but just kept racking up the debt with no actual income to pay it off now. We kept our finances separate, and he was paying for it himself until he couldn’t anymore (he had some inheritance from when his father passed away). I didn’t even realize how bad it had gotten until he told me & that he needed money for his bills. | NTA. Your husband isn't pulling his weight and it sounds like he never has. |
AITAH for posting an update about ruining my brother's life by not letting him use his phone in my washroom. | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1q8h9er/aitah_for_enforcing_my_no_phones_in_the_washroom/)
So I now know the reason why my brother was so pissed off about not being allowed to use his phone in my washroom and I screwed up his life.
My sister-in-law was weirded out by how he behaved about not being allowed to take his phone in the washroom. It is normal behavior at their house for him to do it but his freak out at my house made her suspicious. She started asking questions.
He is having an affair. He needed privacy to talk to his girlfriend. That's why the downstairs washroom was unacceptable. Also why he didn't answer when we called and texted him to come in.
I feel shitty about it. He is an asshole for cheating but he is my brother. I feel bad that I am responsible for his wife finding out. I'm not condoning his affair. I just wish I weren't involved at all.
Anyways those of you that said I was the asshole were correct. | Uhhhh no, you are NTA. He is. He's the one cheating on his wife! He's a coward for doing that and not being honest with his wife about it, instead blaming you because he finally got caught. That's what narcissists do, nothing is every their fault, it's always someone elses. Don't feel guilty about this - he did this to himself and his family. |
Aitah for refusing to pay my stepmother | I'm not sure how to start this as I haven't used this app before
Starting from the time i turned 12 my parents, specifically my stepmother would go through my room at any time they wanted to. I can understand them going through my phone and stuff when I'm younger but they continued on until I turned 18 and they kicked me out on my birthday. I can understand wanting to see what I'm doing as a younger child/teen but they continued to go through my phone up until they kicked me out. I feel i should add I never felt the need for social media so I never had it until a few months ago. My stepmother obviously never liked me because she wouldn't bring up stuff she found until my father was home and being nice. Like I sent a message back in November 2024 just venting to a friend that I felt i wasn't enough and I didn't want my dad to marry my stepmother at all because she made me feel fat even back when I was like 20 pounds underweight because she wants me to be 'pretty' and she then proceeds to threaten to shoot my friend if she ever saw her because my friend offered to let me stay with her for a night or two if I needed to. She didn't outright say she would but she definitely hinted at it saying that 'I have a gun and if I see that btch i won't hesitate' she didn't bring this message up until February 2025. And now she's saying I owe her for raising me when, starting at 12 years old, she would watch me shower and constantly turn my father against me. She's saying I owe her for raising me and being a good 'mother' and now she's turned my father against me when I refused and now he's blocked me
AITAH for refusing to pay her?
for context she was Pushing 51 when she first started watching me shower. | OP, if you’re genuinely asking if you should pay her, you need to get serious therapy. i mean that with love. Do not give this woman a dime, let alone another minute of your life. You don’t pay your parents for raising you. They raise you or they go to prison for neglect. It’s not a favor. And your dad sounds like an asshole for supporting this insanity. I hope you get away from them for good and have a beautiful life on your own. They will regret this when they are old and need support. She owes you 6 years of apologies. You owe her nothing. NTA |
AITAH for not comforting my mother when she was crying? | My father likes to hurt my family. He's had moments of violence as well as just generally screaming and stomping around when he doesn't get his way. It's easy to predict when he'll do it--it's around his busy season at work, a sports team he likes lost, a rabbit ate his garden, etc.
This has been my whole life. Some of my earliest memories are me (now 20f) hiding my sister (now 18f) and distracting her so she wouldn't cry and make noise that he could hear and come after us. I became really good at anticipating and reacting to him. I'm really afraid of him but you wouldn't know it because he doesn't like when we look scared and I'm good at playing happy.
My sister and I begged our mother to leave him. I don't blame her for not, because I know it's difficult, but I also remember feeling like there was no way out and no way to protect us. I'm happy now that we're adults so I only come home for breaks to study for graduate school entrance exams. Similarly, my sister will be graduating high school soon.
My father lost it on my mother yesterday. I told her he would. She was doing the things he doesn't like (talking too much, teasing him, asking him for company). He's angry about whatever sports team lost two days ago, I don't know I wasn't watching it, and the fact that she was jokingly rooting for the other team really set him off. So now he's been angry and throwing things and she's been crying, which is making it all worse.
I tried to give her tips on how to stop him from getting angry but she kept saying "I shouldn't have to adjust for him." Sure, you shouldn't have to, but you do, and that's the truth of it. I finally got angry when she said "I just feel like I put you and your sister in a terrible situation." I told her "You did, but you don't want to adjust for him."
My mother called her sister crying and my aunt said I'm wrong for now helping my mother. Except I think my aunt is wrong because my sister and I used to call her and ask her if we could stay with her when he was aggressive, and she said no, so as far as I'm concerned she's useless too. I don't think I'm wrong for trying to give practical tips to fix the situation when nobody else is willing to do anything practical. AITAH? | NTA.
I have all sympathy for women in abusive situations. It’s difficult to leave. It’s also true that your mom failed you. She had the power to remove you from that situation and chose not to, repeatedly. You are entitled to your feelings about that. And if your mom doesn’t want to be helped, you’re doing the right thing in being truthful and trying some damage limitation.
Your aunt can stfu. I’ve been in her situation. I’ve tried to help my sister repeatedly, after she went back to the asshole one too many times I took the kids in and gave them a safe home. Your aunt thinks supporting family is standing by their bad decisions, I say it’s helping them lead a better life, and sometimes that means saying things they don’t want to hear. |
AITAH for refusing to let my nephew trace my art? | I have a nephew (12) who just got into art, now i sell stuff at conventions and this helps me a lot for money which helps me with my parents rent (which i help with). I will sometimes help my nephew draw but I tell him that I don’t want him to trace my art, like ever. His parents had gotten me to take him to a convention. And he put drawings up, and they were obviously my work.
1. his art style didn’t match that (he has more of a DC comic style)
2. he literally traced my signature.
I immediately told him to take them away, saying if he wanted to sell stuff then sell your original things, not my work. I was annoyed, and so was he. And frankly I was quite offended, I had helped him and I only had one rule never trace my work (FYI i tell him not to trace in general but I’m just saying my work because of this situation).
he then takes out some other drawings which are literally just prints of my drawings, he then goes on saying “you never said I couldn’t print your art”. I’m now like genuinely mad, I’m literally giving him an opportunity to get some money and he can’t be bothered to put any work in. when people arrive he redirects them to his prints of my art. And im like actually losing money at this point, In a fit of rage I call his parents to pick him up, even though his parents should be here.
the mother/my brothers wife is genuinely livid screaming “he’s just a child!” and “he’s your nephew!” and I’m also livid, her husband/my brother is trying to calm her down but before long I find my self pissed. The mother/my brothers wife then screams “he’s having a hard life! He’s just a kid and he’s overwhelmed by all the people!” and I walk away from my booth outside and just start screaming “your nephew is stealing my art, stealing my customers and the money I could of made! I’m literally getting money for my parents! Your son will probably get some shitty game!” And my brother/her husband seems to mumble something and she hangs up. I walk back to my booth and pack away his art stuff and this kid starts screaming and shaking most people seem to agree with me seeing as he’s 12 and has started to grow tuffs of facial hair. I give him the bag of his art stuff and tell him to wait for his parents by the end of the stall. He finally obliges and goes, when the parents arrive the wife seems pissed and (my brother) the husband has a weird face (like sad and mad and tired).
(this is probably when I was the meanest) i Was tired of everything and everyone and had Visibly cried (I was genuinely really worried I wouldn’t have enough money to make rent, I know it’s unreasonable but the job I work doesn’t pay much.). The whole situation had me angry so when the wife had made snarky remarks I told her that if she was ever interested in buying art then she could come back to my stall (any of the conventions I’m at), but if shes not then I will not be letting her near it, (I feel quite bad now though) and they left. most of my family is split up about it, My parents are completely on my side, my siblings are not, most of my aunts and uncles are on my side and most of my cousins are not, my grandparents are mutual and my great grandparents don’t give a fuck about the whole situation. | He’s old enough to know it’s wrong to copy artwork and try to sell it. Not only did he hurt your sales directly but also I imagine the whole situation distracted you from your potential customers. NTA |
AITAH for not getting back with my ex if he still loves me, and I don't love him back? | Before I start, I want to say that this was all online unless I say otherwise, and it might be a long one.
I was 19 when I met my ex who was 20 at the time. I will call him Jason.
For some context, I had gotten rejected before I met him. I had a friend for a year and I had confessed to him, ending up regretting it and deleting it. I didn't know at the time that even if I deleted the message, he could still read it in the notification. He ended up reading it and told the whole friend group about my feelings, except me. So I got rejected and lost the friend group all in one. So I was not in the best mind space.
That is when I met Jason. I was playing Valorant alone and I got into a lobby with him. He was talkative and really funny, and had brightened my dark day. So I decided to talk to him and we instantly clicked. We became friends and started to hang out every day. I meet his friends, and I got a new friend group. After a month of meeting and hanging out with him, we started dating. I had never been so happy in a relationship. That was until things started to come up.
First, his anger issues. We would play League Of Legends together, he was the one who got me into it, and he would very angry. He would slam his desk, he would yell. To preface, he never took his anger out one me. He would just be loud and it scared me somewhat. I had brought it up and he worked on it, so we moved on from it.
Second, how he talks about others. Jason had ADHD, so he was special. He didn't really like people, at all. His mentality was, if I don't know them personally, I don't care. That showed when we played League. If someone played certain characters, he would hope their whole family died, or just told them very violent things. If they pissed him off, he would tell them to die or other things. He worked on it somewhat, but he still did it.
Third, fake flirting with friends. He would act gay with his guy friends, and I didn't really mind it. I have seen my brother do that with his friends, so I just saw it as something normal. But then I met his other friend, we will call her Goose. Goose and Jason had been friends for years, and they both flirt with each other constantly. I didn't bring it up, since he had promised me that Goose was a lesbian, but it still bothered me in some way.
Lastly, the suggestive comments toward me. I get it, we are dating, he likes me, and he thinks I am attractive. I am talking about the things he would say he would do to me in front of our friends. I won't give specifics, but they were not something I was comfortable with.
I had never brought it up, cause I was a people pleaser. I would put my feelings aside so that he could be his normal self. I thought it was okay. That was until I went to College with my in real life friend group. We talked about all the things about, and they told me that I needed to set boundaries. I had brought up my boyfriend Jason to them cause he kept messaging me that he missed hanging out everyday on discord. I couldn't hang out every day because of college, and I had told him this.
So me and my friends sat down and I talked through it all with Jason. He promised to change and I believed him. But that is not what brought up the break up. What brought it up was when I started to think about the future, and what it would look like.
Jason wanted kids, talked about it constantly. I never had said anything about the matter, since I didn't really know what I wanted. The more I thought about it, the more I understood what I wanted. I didn't want kids, at all. Not adopted, not biological. The two main reasons for this is cause I don't want to pass my mental issues onto any kids, and I don't want my mental issues to affect how I take care of them. Nothing. I know I should have thought about it earlier, and plan to do it in future relationships. So I told him, and we broke up after 6 months of dating. I was devastated, but there wasn't much I could do.
A couple days later, he messaged me, saying that he didn't want kids anymore which I found weird. He kept saying he wanted to get back together, and that we could work it out. I didn't feel it was right that he should give up kids for me, someone he knew for 7 months. So I had said no. He started to crash out, telling me that I was scared, that I wasn't willing to take the leap of getting back with him. My roommates told me to block him so I did. But it didn't last long when he started to message me on League. We talked and talked, and we eventually went our separate way.
A month later, he messaged me again. He said he wanted to just stay friends. I knew I shouldn't have, but I said yes. We hung out, and he asked if we could try again, as friends. He wanted to be friends for a week and then see if the feelings I had came back. I was very skeptical, but I agreed to it. We had agreed to not pursue anyone else, and I went to bed. Both me and Jason's friend, we will call her Rylee, told me that he had confessed to another girl on Valorant that he just met after he agreed with me not to pursue anyone. To say it hurt was an understatement. We argued, there was crying, he said he was scared of me rejecting him, and it was the safe bet. We stopped trying again, and we just went to friends.
A couple days later, he said goodbye to everyone. Jason has had suicidal thoughts before, so I took it seriously. He is alive and okay, but it really scared me. He told me that he had been harming himself, and I asked him to stop, and he promised that he would. This had really scared me, cause even if we weren't dating, I still cared for him.
Then a couple days later, I went on a date, where I had gotten sexually assaulted. I won't go into detail, and this is also a big part of the story. Jason had asked if I was okay, and I had told him what happened. He had said sorry, and then said that he couldn't be friends with me anymore, since he didn't want to see me dating other people. That hurt me to my very core. I thought he would comfort me, or at least ask how I was doing and if I wanted to talk about it more, but no. I get it somewhat, since he still had feelings, and he didn't like hearing me move on, but it still hurt. So we stopped talking, and I blocked him.
A month later he messaged me, saying we should get back together. At this point, any romantic feelings I had for him was gone. It had been this back and forth of no contact, to talking, to friends, to no contact. It was tiring. I told him one final time that I am not getting back with him but he didn't stop. He started calling me, and even when I blocked him, I still see his voice messages. He keeps saying he wants to talk, to maybe get back with him, even him sometimes crying. I feel so bad, but I think if I talk to him, only to tell him no again, it would just make it worse. I just don't know what to do, it doesn't seem like he is moving on at all, and I still care about him. So AITAH for not getting back with him and not talking to him? | Jeez that's just to much words for me, you almost wrote a book.
But based on the title, just leave lol. Go live life. |
AITAH for distancing myself from my friend after she was diagnosed with BP 2 years ago? | OK please buckle up this is gonna be a veerrryy long story
I honestly don’t know where exactly to start because the story is really long, but let me begin by saying that I’m currently in my fifth and final year of college. Mira is someone I’ve known since first year. She was originally a friend of my friend, and when our mutual friend transferred, Mira and I stayed friends and grew closer over time, especially by the end of second year.
Everything I’m about to say below is important context.
During the summer break after second year, before third year started, Mira was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Since then, literally everything turned upside down.
I don’t know exactly how it started, but since I usually arrive at college before her, I would save a seat next to me for Mira and call her to tell her where I was sitting, because she tends to be late and the professor would already be there — even though she lives very close to campus. I’d call her, she’d either answer and I’d tell her where I was sitting, or she’d tell me she wasn’t coming. Things were fine for a while.
Then she got sick, started taking medication, her sleep became completely messed up, and she began missing a lot of lectures. I don’t really know why, but I kept my habit of calling her when I arrived. At that point, Mira wouldn’t answer, and she wouldn’t text me later or call me when she woke up. This happened occasionally in third year, but it increased until it became almost constant in fourth year.
I only complained once. I asked Mira why she wouldn’t text or call me back when she woke up, especially since she’d seen my missed calls. She told me that by the time she wakes up, it’s already too late and she feels like there’s no point anymore. I told her she could at least send me a message or anything, so I wouldn’t feel like I was talking to myself. Nothing changed. I kept going because I felt awkward stopping a habit I’d had for over three or four years.
Before exams, I would always check in on Mira — ask if she’d finished studying, if she needed help, if there was anything she didn’t understand, if she wanted my help to organize the lectures for her or help her plan what to study. Sometimes she’d ask me to tell her what to study and we’d agree on a plan, then I’d call her later only to find out she’d gone to asleep. I told her many times: if you’re going to sleep, at least tell me — don’t make me waste my time worrying about you when you’re just asleep. Again, nothing changed.
In third year, another girl became closer to us. She was someone we already knew before, but we grew closer that year.
Also in third year, I developed a habit of going to college early before exams to revise there. The new friend started coming with me regularly. Mira came at first occasionally, then stopped coming entirely — even though I kept calling her every single time I went early, just to see if she’d come or not. This happened over ten midterms and ten finals per semester, for two and a half years. I kept asking even though I already knew the answer, just so Mira wouldn’t feel left out.
I’m not someone who cares much about birthdays. I don’t expect celebrations or gifts, but I like making my friends — even those I’m not extremely close to — feel special. I keep track of their birthdays and make sure to wish them happy birthday exactly at midnight. For two years in a row, Mira completely forgot my birthday. Completely — I don’t mean she didn’t congratulate me on the day itself; I mean she forgot it entirely.
On my way home from college, I usually stop by a supermarket to buy snacks and things I need, since supermarkets are far from my house. In third year, Mira started doing something very strange. Every time we went into the supermarket, she would embarrass me by picking up something and saying, “Get this for me.” The first few times were fine — I told myself she’s my friend, there’s no problem with treating her, maybe she doesn’t have money, I don’t know her financial situation, maybe she really wants it and can’t afford it. That was my mindset, especially since my family’s financial situation is better than most people’s.
But this kept going on every single time she saw me, until it became a financial burden. I didn’t say anything because I felt awkward and didn’t know how to refuse — money topics are kind of taboo in the Middle East.
There’s this situation where I think I was a bit harsh. In the last exam of third year, I asked Mira to print some papers with drawings for me to color during the vacation, because printing in her town is much cheaper than in mine — in my town it costs five times as much. When she gave them to me, I realized half of them were missing. I asked where the rest were, and I found out she had printed them and taken half for herself. Why she didn’t print extra for herself, or print her own later even though the print shop is always available, I honestly don’t know.
At the time, I was already overwhelmed by the supermarket incidents, and I felt like Mira didn’t respect my belongings or what was mine at all and was taking me for granted. I snapped and spoke to her in a sharp tone, asking why she did that. In the end, I paid for all of it myself.
Despite all of this, our friendship continued until this year — fifth year — when all the problems finally exploded.
Before the academic year started, I noticed strange behavior from Mira. She would leave me on unread for a very long time, then read my messages and not reply at all, even though she was active in group chats. She would send me massages and then delete them before i saw them. At first, I ignored it and told myself that if she didn’t say anything, then there was nothing.
In the last week before classes started, I told myself this couldn’t continue. I messaged Mira and told her I felt there was a problem, and that I didn’t want to start a new semester with unresolved issues. I told her that if she had anything she wanted to say, she could tell me, and if she preferred to talk face to face instead of texting, that was fine too. She replied saying that there was a problem, that it was big, and that it would be better to talk in person. I agreed and said we’d talk when we met at college.
College started. I saw Mira once, twice, three times, and she didn’t bring it up again. I could have brought it up myself, but I felt that Mira was the one who had a problem with me — and I didn’t even know why. She hadn’t said anything until I asked, so I felt like I shouldn’t beg for a conversation.
After the first two weeks, Mira started skipping classes again — she was absent for three consecutive weeks. I kept calling her and she didn’t answer. Later, by coincidence, I found out from a mutual friend that Mira had been on vacation with her family — and didn’t think to tell me.
Then one week, my SIM card stopped working, so naturally I didn’t call Mira and didn’t save her a seat, especially since she hadn’t attended for three weeks. I was surprised when she showed up and confronted me, asking why I hadn’t answered her calls. I told her my SIM card was broken. She said, “Why didn’t you tell me? You were supposed to let me know.” I didn’t comment at the time, even though I was upset inside, because she’s the one who never asks or responds. I still tried to help her find a place to sit, and the situation passed.
A few days later — my SIM card was still broken — we had a section class, but our instructor didn’t show up, so we attended with other instructors. I thought Mira hadn’t attended because I didn’t see her. After the section, we had a lecture, and I saw Mira sitting in the lecture with our mutual friends in the front.
After the lecture, our mutual friends saw me and greeted me. I saw Mira approaching from a distance, and she walked past me and completely ignored me — no greeting, no words, without even looking at me.
I couldn’t explain that situation at all. I’m kind of a big woman and my clothing style is very noticeable, so it’s extremely unlikely that she didn’t see me, even though I really don't want to assume anything.
After that incident, I felt deeply unappreciated. I had spent over two years calling Mira almost daily with no response, and now because she called me two or three times and I didn’t answer due to a broken SIM card, suddenly I no longer mattered.
I’m not someone who seeks appreciation in general — I assume I’m appreciated unless proven otherwise. But I never accept disrespect or the dismissal of my effort. That is one of the veryyyy few things that can truly angers me.
After that incident, I completely stopped making any effort: no calling when I arrive at college, no checking in before exams, no asking how she’s doing. I stopped reaching out entirely.
As expected, Mira never contacted me again. Not a message, not a call. My birthday came and she didn’t acknowledge it. Nothing. As if I didn’t exist.
Honestly, it didn’t bother me much. I removed Mira from my mental space, and life went on just fine.
Now comes the part where I may need an outsider's perspectives.
I’m currently taking my first-semester finals. Mira and I barely speak — when we see each other, we exchange a simple “hi.” In one subject, Mira had personal circumstances and missed the exam. She didn’t tell me; she told our third friend, and I found out from her.
After the exam, Mira called me. I called her back, and she explained why she missed it. I honestly didn’t care, especially since she hadn’t bothered telling me directly.
That night and the next day, Mira started texting me normally about studying and other stuff, as if she suddenly remembered me. This time, I wasn’t willing to give her my energy again, I was done and didn’t want to get pulled back into the same cycle, so I kept my replies minimal.
She then sent me the following messages:
Her: Can I ask you a question?
Me: Go ahead.
Her: Are you upset with me?
Me: Upset about what?
Her: Anything in general. Did I do something that upset you?
Me: I’m not upset. You didn’t do anything specific, but there were situations where I felt a lack of appreciation or interest, so I assumed that meant it was over.
Her: We should sit together or go out for something small. I’m really tired and I’m sorry — don’t be upset. I just need to get through these issues first, then we’ll go out. But remind me.
Me: I understand, honestly. I’ve never been upset before — it’s just like I said.
We stopped there because we had an exam the next day.
After that conversation, I felt intense guilt. I thought that I had suspected Mira unfairly earlier in the semester, and I hate myself when i feel like I’ve misjudged someone. I started to think I had wronged her, that I was selfish, and that there was still hope for this friendship.
The next day, I went early to college as usual and sat with our third friend before the exam. After a while, she told me she needed to say something.
What she told me was the biggest shock of my life.
Our third friend told me that when Mira noticed I was replying less and seemed busy, Mira started venting to her instead that she didn’t care that we grew distant and that she wasn’t upset with me. To prove that, Mira freaking texted me the above conversation and proceeded to send her screenshots of the conversation I had with her.
The conversation that made me doubt myself and rethink everything was simply an act to prove to someone else that she was too aloof and wasn't upset with me at all.
After that, Mira gave contradictory explanations — saying she was upset with me because I no longer check on her or ask about her, without ever asking herself whether she had done the same for me.
She missed two more exams and, as usual, she didn’t tell me — she told our third friend.
When I saw her the next time I kept It short and superficial.
Then our third friend stopped replying to Mira because she was busy. Do you know what Mira did? She simply texted her normally after two days. She didn’t ignore her like she ignored me. Why? Why is it so easy for her to care about everyone and reach out to everyone except me? Why am I always the one expected to initiate and ask? And if I don’t, I’m suddenly careless and a bad friend?
My entire issue is that Mira wasn’t like this before her diagnosis. And I can’t figure out: is all of this because of the illness? The medication? am I a bad friend because I couldn’t help her with struggles and didn’t stand by her? Or was Mira always like this and I just didn’t know her well enough?
So AITA for wanting to keep my distance and we'll, not caring anymore? | NTA. I'm definitely not an expert on the subject, but from your explanation this seemed like consistent behavior which isn't in line with BPD. Not saying the diagnosis is fake but I don't think this has anything to do with that, it just seems like she has a complete disregard for your time and feelings, and expects you to put all the effort in for her.
The stuff about asking you to buy her things consistently really put me off, especially cause how you put it, it comes off as more of an expectation or a demand than a request.
I've dealt with people like that before and they're not worth it. If they care, they'll put effort in, but at this point I wouldn't do any more than match it. Honestly after years of that, I'd say it's probably not worth it in general. |
AITAH I don’t think moving back to hometown is the right move | Throw away account, to be cautious. I(f32) and husband (m36) we will call him Y moved to a new city in the same state last year due to me being laid off (downsizing) and I was able to find a job in a different city about 5hrs away. The company paid for relocation so it was a very smooth and quick transition. He started working a new job down at the new city even before we completely moved down (pay was much better than his previous job in our hometown). Fast forward to 3 months after moving and I was laid off due to “restructuring” in which I was given a very hefty sum of severance. Things got very stressful, however, I was able to find a job within a couple months. During that time we had unexpected emergencies come up which ended digging into our savings (most of the severance I got) but thankfully we are making just enough to get by.
Here is where I’m torn, my husband started looking for jobs back in our hometown without telling me and when we went to visit he went to an interview the day after we got there. (An interview I had no idea about and a move he wanted to make without letting me know) I have still been applying to jobs up there but not a single one has called me back. We both have decent/stable jobs down here and were supposed to get a new rental with lower rent which would allow us to live more comfortably.
So instead of helping find a new rental (our current lease is up the end of February) he has been trying to find a new job in our hometown…
I don’t think it’s the right move because of these two facts
1. he will be getting paid less than down here
2. I won’t have a job until god knows when
Context info, we have 2 kids, 9 and 10
My husband thinks I’m being irrational and is not budging | This is AITAH - judging who is right and wrong in a conflict.
You two need to make a decision for your family. There’s no one “right” answer but if you want others input id try an advice sub. |
AITAH for being upset | I have a childhood friend that I reconnected with recently. We’ve been hanging out a lot, we workout together weekly. We always talk about wanting husbands who are friends so we can raise our families together. Love her to death. However, she has a fixation with kind of “pretty boy” men. She’s beautiful, hard working and maintains herself so well. She’s absolutely obsessed with this guy who’s treating her badly and it’s making me reconsider how I view her. Kind of like Carrie with Big. The man just doesn’t like her. And she keeps putting herself in situations for him to disrespect her so it’s frustrating me because like you can’t control losing your job or a family member.
But you can control your self respect. I’m struggling to maintain our friendship because she’s obsessed with this mediocre man and makes everything about him all the time. It looks really bad honestly and she makes us all around her suffer through hearing how much he disrespects her. It actually makes no sense at this point beyond a humiliation kink. Even asking him “why didn’t you cum on my face?” And showing our friends these messages and saying that she’s not embarrassed but they are judging her and telling her to leave him alone, as am I. Am I the Asshole for wanting to distance myself from the situation? | I'm a fan of the "one talk" rule. Have "one talk" with this person about how you're feeling. If they react poorly, cut them loose. You don't have to subject yourself to people you don't respect. No reason to drag it out. |
AITAH for smoking when I promised my husband I would never smoke? | I(30F) and my husband(32M) have been married for 2 years and together for 5 years. Also our marriage is a complete deadbedroom from the start. He accepts its from him and he says he would work on it.
We were on our private vacation and on last day he lost his temper and slapped me. This wasn’t his first time, and it happened because I wouldn’t stop arguing and shut up. That day we had to join a group of 5 couples from his work and had a full weekend of party planned. They were all flying in from different cities. After the slap incident I didn’t want to join but agreed to, just to avoid any scene but I was maintaining my distance with my husband while he was immediately apologetic for his behaviour like he always is.
On this party trip we all drank and had fun but by the second day the guys started flirting with me and straight off told my husband that they think I am so great. I always always hanged out with them along with their wives and never in private. They did say some inappropriate remarks but it was in public in front of their wives so I let it slip. By the last day I noticed my husband was very distant with me and I was happily friendly with everyone and chatting. Also on last day I was a little sad that I had to go back to my empty marriage and I have to make a decision for myself to keep going or to end it. That night we were drinking again, this guy was having cigarette and I was talking to him and said let’s head to washroom as I have to go. Outside the washroom area we were chatting when I took the cigarette and smoked a puff or two. I left smoking 3 years back for my husband and promised him I would never smoke again. But right then my husband walked on me and thought I was cheating on him and was also smoking despite my promise. So he pushed me and I got hurt. He said a lot of hurtful things publicly to humiliate me and degraded me in spiteful way, for which he is not feeling bad. It was a whole scene in front of everyone. All were intoxicated.
Now the whole conversation is around I was wrong to hide and smoke with a guy who had questionable character(I didn’t know that, apparently my husband knew a lot of stories about him but didn’t tell me because he think I wouldn’t have listened if he told me. Also this guy said inappropriate things about me to my husband, which again he did not told me but expected me to know and keep my distance with this man).
AITAH to smoke a cigarette behind my husband’s back? I am even sorry about it but I am more mad at his reaction to it. | To him, it looks like you were smoking. But why on earth do you care what this person thinks? He is an abusive and you should get a divorce. NTA |
AITAH for wanting my ultrasound back from MIL | hello friends, i want to make this as short as possibly so basically i was pregnant a few months ago, i was having a rocky relationship with my ex and his family, i was about to move away so i could have more support from family and friends but i was convinced to stay by my ex and his family, telling me id have endless support here no matter what, basically i stay and i try to build a relationship with his mom and grandmother, i dont like my stomach being touched, family i haven’t even met is offering to babysit already, not really getting to know me but just concerned for baby, basically all this bothers me and i feel really alone, a few weeks ago i miscarried, ive been in the hospital in and out with hemorrhaging and sepsis, severely depressed and suffering from postpartum, no one reaches out, no one checks up on me ( i figured they wouldn’t ) i call my exes mom or MIL or whatever a few times to maybe get lunch or at least get out of my house and no answer, i realized i lost my wallet at her house, im very type B so ive been walking around with my passport and debit card instead of looking for it but the other night i was in the emergency room and called her off the hospital phone to see if she could drop off my wallet with my medical card inside of it, she answered on the first ring, aside from this I’ve been planning a memorial with my friends, so a few days after this call i text her to see if she has one of my sons last ultrasounds, my plan was she could give me the original and i could give a copy of it to her, i don’t know why i did that i think during my pregnancy i genuinely wasn’t thinking clearly but anyways she offered ME a copy of it and when i reiterated id like the original she didn’t answer, hasn’t answered since. so much for being there for me ! great. :/ i’m really bummed about it and i want to honestly go with police to get it but it seems extra to do. | NTA but OP do you know that ultrasound prints fade over time? A copy is superior in every way except whatever value you place on that thermal paper. This doesn’t seem remotely like a fight worth having.
(Also anyone else seeing this… the best thing to do if you’re not very savvy and confident with editing photos of a glossy printout is to use a *scanner* app on your phone for proper contrast. You can save that bad boy forever and you can print a bunch of wallet-size copies for anyone you want to give them to.) |
AITAH if i refused to sell the house to pay my mom’s debts? | Well, this is my first post and English isn’t my first language, so pardon any misspelling and mistakes.
So I (22f) don’t live in the US or any big big country at all, and because of that having a high paying job is kinda difficult to have. With that aside let me tell you what happened. When i was 13 my dad died from cancer and some months before that my mom (55f) quit from her job so she could take care of him and be there for his appointments, i wasn’t really on the loop of what was happening really, aside of the fact that it was cancer. At the time I was also very depressed, it was years of feeling and hearing that if it weren’t because i was doing good in school i would just be a failure, and pairing that with my dad’s condition and declining I felt that i didn’t have a reason to keep standing. Obviously that failed and some time later my dad passed away.
As i mentioned, my mom was jobless at that time as well, but we could get through for sometime because of my dad’s savings. And my mom had the \\\*amazing\\\* idea to use that to invest in a restaurant. Long story short, it didn’t but it was somewhat still existing at the time i graduated from high school and also when i started college. But every little penny that came from there went to the workers, like gatherings or birthdays of the workers which were planned by my mom. And, hell, i wasn’t mad about that at all, i just felt somewhat pushed away but didn’t really said anything about it. So when i turned 17 i got told that i had to work to pay for my college and out house bills (water, electricity, internet and food) and she would still help with my phone bill and if there was a reserve after she paid all the restaurant’s expenses she would use that money to help me pay my classes. I agreed and started working ever since then. Which never really was a high paying job, but it helped with the overall bills and expenses.
Also have in mind that she was using tons of credit cards and taking loans to pay for her business, and even when some of her employees quit i was also covering some shifts that didn’t collide with my other job. But i was telling her to close that thing. She had been robbed several times, her former employees stole from her, and she was getting more and mire debts, and she never listened with the hope that sometime it would get better.
She also was able to get money from an aunt, her sister (lets call her J), that went to the bank herself to get a loan and give it to my mom with the promise to pay it in a timely manner. If I’m not wrong the amount would be approximately like 5000 US dollars.
Fast forward to July of last year, i was able to finally convince her to close the business (and it wasnt really something that i said directly because she never listened to me, so i made that J talk to her out of it). And she got even worse. Everything she owes right now makes a sum of over 37 thousand dollars.
So here comes my dilemma. From where she grew up, it was expected for the kids to be responsible for their parents debts. Which i wouldn’t be really against if the amount wasnt so high or if she even acknowledged what i said before. And i know that it can be labelled as petty or so.
Right now my boyfriend (24m) is living with us in the house that my dad left me and he helps with the expenses around here, which is a big relief and he does it because he wants to. (I didnt want to accept at the start because well, this whole mess isnt really something he should be responsible for). And also now i have 3 cats that I happened to rescue with him at different times of the year which i live dearly. This house is all I really have and i don’t really have to worry about being kicked out.
About 4\\\~5 months ago my mom has been saying that she wants to sell the house to pay part of her debts and for us to find another place to live. But finding a place to rent big enough or that even accept cats is almost impossible. She says that this is the only option she can think of and that’s easier to do so than being called every day by the bank or my aunt for what she owes. And asking me how would i feel jf she ended up being locked up because of that, if she truly lost everything because I didn’t want to help her.
The house is at my name at the moment because of the fear of having a bank taking it away. And after so much thought i told her we couldnt lose this as everything else my dad left for us is already sold for her to use that on her failed business. She, again, paid no mind to what i said and brought someone this weekend to see the house. And that resulted in a fight between my boyfriend and her. And now I’m back to square one. She is still wanting to sell the house and I’m refusing to do so.
So AITAH for refusing to sell the house to pay her debts so i can still live in here with my cats? | NTA, your dad left YOU the house. Your mom needs to figure this out on her own as an adult. You’ve sacrificed too |
AITAH for telling my GF she ain’t putting enough effort? | Hear me out. I know this might make me sound like an asshole at first, but I honestly don’t know if I’m wrong anymore.
I’m a 28M and my girlfriend (29F) and I have been together for over five years. Overall, it’s been a great relationship, but lately I feel like I’m constantly being pushed aside.
Her routine now is: come home from work, have dinner with me, then go straight to playing Valorant,and that’s pretty much every single day. Whenever I ask her to do anything together, even something small like going for a short walk, there’s always an excuse:
“It’s cold,”
“I promised I’d play with so-and-so,”
“I already told X I’d see them.”
So my days have turned into finishing work, sitting on the sofa alone, going to bed, and repeating the same thing the next day.
Today I went for a walk by myself (too cold for her, it was -2°C, fair enough) and ended up meeting a mate. We had a couple of beers and headed home around 8pm since we both have work the next morning. I got home, showered, got into bed, and she initiated sex.
The problem was… she didn’t really do anything. She just lay on her side, facing away from me, and that was it.
I tried to be playful and get things going, but she was completely passive. At one point she said, “You shouldn’t have a problem getting an erection.” I reminded her that alcohol affects me (which she already knows) and said it would help if she put in a little effort. Her response was, “You should be hard the moment you see me.”
I tried to explain that it’s not a switch and doesn’t work like that, but that seemed to annoy her. She then started making comments like, “Are you 60?” “Does your dick not work?” “Maybe you should watch some porn and see if that helps.” She wasn’t joking,she was dead serious.
At that point I snapped. I told her that maybe we need foreplay and that if I wanted to sleep with a doll, I’d buy one. She fired back with “Oh, says the sex god,” and then went to sleep in the guest room.
So now I’m sitting here wondering: am I really the asshole for wanting some closeness and effort, instead of sex feeling like a mechanical obligation? | C'mon dude, smarten up. You've got a roommate with her own separate interests that lets you bang her occasionally. You're only 28, your future is bleak and miserable with her. |
AITAH for not being able to forget and fully forgive my partner for watching porn? | I (F19) have been dating my partner (M20) for 5 years. During these years he’s always made sure to be there when he was trying to sleep with me, but never to take me out on a date, or meet me just because. I always had to plan everything and I still do. He’s in my opinion severely addicted to porn, even when we first started doing things (1 years into our relationship) he wasn’t ever able to finish, I then went on his phone to check when my bus would be and all I saw was porn. You can imagine how that made me feel. I became addicted to checking his history and being there for him sexually. We moved in together and he never had the time to watch it anymore. Until recently this year, whenever I’m not home because I’m working or getting my nails done I always think omg is he doing it again? The other day I came back from getting my nails done and there it was, Reddit being the first app I see, full of porn. I explained over and over that I view it as cheating but he just promises to stop and never does. I can’t get over it, I’m pregnant with our first baby. I’m worried my emotional state will affect the baby, also worth mentioning I have severe BPD.
Since we moved into our own house in Oct, he’s always too tired for anything with me, or I always have to initiate. But he’s always in the mood to watch other women.
What should I do? I would leave him but he’s all I have and I love him so much it physically hurts whenever he does anything bad. I don’t even get angry at him anymore I just accept it and cry.
He’s a great guy other than this but it’s tearing me apart. I don’t want our baby to grow up without him, I have no support either, he’s the bread winner, I have nothing without him. I don’t want to leave him I just can’t help but think about how he lies to me with no remorse and then when I find out he gets angry at me and says “why can’t you be normal” “you’re always finding reasons to be angry” “it’s not that deep, it’s not cheating it’s pixels on a screen”
Please any advice is useful. | Men gonna watch porn. That’s what they do . |
WIBTAH if I faced my father and kept visiting my bf at his city? | I'm (20F) always the one who goes to my bf's (23M) city to visit him, and not the other way around. My father hates it.
So, first, an important context: I have a pretty strict father.
I live on a small city with my dad, and I love watching live music at bars (I'm even on a band and I perform shows quite frequently). at approximately 1 year ago, the only bar with live rock cover bands (and that was about 500 meters from my house) closed, and that was the nail on the coffin of things to do in my city. But even when was open, I couldn't go back even a minute after midnight, and mind you, my ex-boyfriend had a motorcycle, and, as I mentioned, the place was super close to my house. So I used to watch only half of the show and had to go home. (he doesn't have a problem with how late my shows end, though, because he goes on every single show, so he's there to protect me or something I guess)
Since then, I started college, and it is located in a bigger city, the largest in my region. So, every day, I travel about 30 km at 7 pm to study, and another 30 km at 6 pm to get back home. At night and/or when I'm not having classes at the afternoon, I help my dad at work, but I don't have a salary or anything similar, and we're completely dependent on the demand, too. there are weeks when there isn't nothing to do, and some other weeks that I have to skip classes to help my dad.
My dad has always been strict about what I can and can't do at this other city. When I'm there at daytime on weekdays for school, I can do whatever I want, because he wouldn't be able to find out anyways. But I come back home at 6 pm, which means I dont stay at the bigger city on the afternoon, and, well, the thing I love doing the most (go to rock cover bands shows) happens at the evening 99% of the time. And my dad HATES if I go to the bigger city when I'm not studying.
Even when it's daytime on a holiday or weekend, I get in trouble for even asking him if I can go there to meet my friends, go to a birthday party, anything. At the evenings, again, I cannot get home after midnight (on a good day. on a bad day the limit is 8 pm). At the occasions on which I begged him to stay after midnight (most of the times because I was with a friend from my city that he trusts), he even allowed me. But then, when I arrived, he would get so angry that he wouldn't speak to me for days, because, well, I would actually come back at late night, after the show ended.
I met someone really special at the bigger city, and we've been dating for more than 7 months now. My bf is a really nice person, and I feel that our relationship will last.
But, well, of course my dad hates it. He doesn't hate my bf specifically, but he hates the fact that this relationship makes me want to go even more often to the bigger city. Even when I was dating someone from my city, he hated that I would want to actually spend time with my ex, so I couldn't get home from his house after 9 PM (mind you I wouldn't even stay alone with my ex at his house because he lived with his mother). And if I went to my ex's house in the morning, then I had to be home before 6 PM, because apparently spending the entire day with your partner is absurd.
Now, of course I want to spend some evenings at bars on the bigger city with my bf. Of course I want to spend an entire day at my bf's house. But my dad hates that I'm always going to the bigger city, instead of my bf coming to my city to visit me. As I said, there's nothing to do here. No entertainment at all (unless walking at a park eating ice cream is peak entertainment). And, considering past experiences, I know that if my boyfriend keeps coming to my house, my father wouldn't give us privacy not even to stay in my room with my boyfriend. So we would all stay together chatting in the living room, my dad included.
Every time I decide to go to the big city to see my boyfriend, I run into some serious problem, to the point where my father doesn't look at me for weeks. The last time, he got angry because I stayed at my boyfriend's house from 9 am to 8 pm on his birthday, and two days later I went to the birthday party my boyfriend threw for himself. He says things like I only give him problems, that I'm a disappointment in his life, that he should just kick me out to my mother's house (I'm not really close to her).
Oh, and sleep at my bf's house? If I ASK him if I can do that, I'll have to pack my things and leave, because I'll be automatically kicked out. Those are his words.
One of the major problems is the fact that I'm the one who's visiting my bf all the time, instead of my bf's coming here. I've said more than enough here to justify that, but it doesn't matter for my dad. For him, the right thing to do is my bf, as the man of the relationship, come here to visit me, the woman in the relationship. For my dad, I'm playing the man's role in the relationship, always spending time and money to see my bf's, instead of the opposite.
For my bf, the problem isn't coming here to visit me. It's enough for him to do basically nothing all day if we're going to be together (unless he's coming to my house. that's something he doesn't really want to do). But the problem, for him, is that I'm not willing to face my father to do the things that I want to do. But I live under my dad's roof and he pays the bills, so if I don't follow his rules, I can be kicked out, you know?
Who's the asshole in this situation? me to my father? me to my bf because I don't ever face my father? my bf that doesn't come here? my father that is unreasonably strict sometimes?
tl;dr: my dad hates that I'm the one going to my bf's city and house, which is about 30 km away. but there's nothing to do in my city. Is my father the asshole? Would I be the asshole if I faced him and went anyways? | Would it be acceptable to your dad if BF came to get you and take you home? I understand he doesn't want to do that, but it might pave the way for you to do it on your own once your dad gets to know your BF. If that's not an option, maybe tell your dad you don't want to move out, but because he insists on being so strict that you can't do the things you enjoy, you're thinking about it, and want him to think about it, too, and consider not being so strict with you at 20. |
AITAH? Me or my coworker | I work a fully remote position and was told I was chosen to have to come in the office twice a week. I was upset about it and had a meeting with those in charge of it and said I wasn’t sure it would work and it’s not something I want to do. Turns out it was not optional, so I started doing it. The woman training me on the in person task didn’t like my attitude. When she was training me she would stand directly over me watching me and I told her it made me feel awkward. She then said “training you is awkward. You think you’re above this work because you have a college degree but you’re not. You have to start somewhere”. I’ve never mentioned a degree to her or anything remotely like that. I apologized for giving that off and apologized again later. We work closely together so we message frequently. Fast forward to today- my company asks us to send company wide shoutouts. I sent three today. One was to her, thanking her for training me. She flat out didn’t respond. She thumbed up a different persons shoutout that I sent but did not respond to hers. I then messaged her about something related to the work we share and she responded, but with nothing regarding the shoutout. AITAH? | You took the time to come to reddit and write up a post asking about a coworker that didn’t thumbs up a shout out? Really? |
AITAH for wanting to talk to my uncle after he made my roommate very uncomfortable? | Hey yall. This is going to be a long one, so if you don't want the background, just jump to where it says "Where the problem started" or "Todays dilemma":
Some background about myself that will give yall some insight as to why I am asking this question.
I, 20F, grew up in a very abusive household. Love was used against us in the forms of verbal and emotional manipulation and abuse. I grew up attention and touched starved, and it has affected me as an adult even now, with trauma, PTSD, depression, general anxiety, and having hard times saying no as well as always wanting to please people and sometimes hurting myself and my feelings just so I don't loose friends. I was also bullied from the 1st grade up until I graduated high school. I'm in a way better place now, I'm at college, surrounded by people who want to help and away from the toxic environment, though it sometimes comes back I have very low to no contact with most of my abusers except one, since for some reason I cannot seem to shake her. She hasn't affected me negatively in over a year, but I'm always wary of old habits coming back.
Now, this all happened within my immediate family. With my extended family (aunts and uncles from my mothers side since I know no one from my dads, including him), we (my siblings and I) grew up going to family events, but then after I turned 12, was isolated from that side of my family for years. I didn't reconnect with them until after I turned 16. And when I did reconnect with them, I was closets with my uncle (34) and his wife, but mainly him. He, for the longest time, was my rock when I was seriously struggling with my toxic household. And even though we have seriously different views on a lot of stuff (politics included), we are very close. He is the only one in my family that I know if I was in serious trouble he would drop everything to come and help me. We could talk aboit anything and everything. We were like siblings in a sense, but I saw it like he was my best friend.
Something I should explain. After I turned 18, he started acting weird. I noticed things for a while, but wanted him to tell me himself. Then, one day when he was supposed to pick me up from work to hang out right before new years in 2024, he stood me up, and proceeded to ghost me for 10 months. I didn't see him again until his baby shower for his baby girl. He apologized, and said that he would never do it again. I found out a month after that it was because he realized that he was attracted to me, and he knew it was wrong, so he cut contact to work on himself so that he could be better for himself and his family. And he loved me, and he didn't want to destroy our relationship over something that was not good. I could tell, even before he said anything, that something had changed, and so when he finally was honest with me, I finally felt like I could breathe because I had always thought it was because he didn't love me anymore and that I had done something wrong to him. I told him thank you for being honest, and that I was proud of him for cutting contact so that he could work himself out, before talking to me again. That showed, to me, that he was taking responsibility for his actions, and that he truly understood that he was wrong. So, instead of it ruining our relationship, it made it stronger and I trusted him even more. His actions after the reveal also reflected that, and our relationship went back to before he started acting weird.
Ok, here is where the problem started:
Back in September 2025, my uncle came to my 20th birthday party. After the party while I was saying bye to my guest and moving the party to my room for the ones who were staying the night to drink, he was helping my roommate (19F) clean up before he left. Now, before he came over, I disclosed to my roomie what had happened between us because I trust her, and he was going to be in our house. She said that he was a bit weird for that. which was understandable, but she also understood where I". coming from on why I would keep my relationship with him. Later on, a few days after my birthday, I was talking to him again, and he was saying how my roommate was an "absolute delight" and "a gem" and "would make a great wife someday". I thought they were funny, so I told my roommate and at the time she thought thwy were funny too. Then he started saying some uncomfortable stuff that I will not repeat here. I told her because I felt as though she should know what was being said about her. She told me she was uncomfortable with it, and I told him, and his immediate response was "She'll be alright." After that, me and my roommate started having problems but thats a whole other story. We resolved them, we're good now.
Here's todays dilemma:
I haven't talked to my uncle for months since that last conversation because I felt guilty for bringing him into her life, even though I didn't know he was going to say all he did, I tried to stop it and he didn't listen to me, and I did NOT encourage it. The thing was, she had told her ENTIRE family about him, and so her family knows our business, which makes me severely uncomfortable around ber family, especially since she refuses to tell me if her family is cool with me or not. Which made my wanting to talk to him feel worse, because at the end of the day, I missed him, because hes my only family I have. I texted on new years after fighting with my guilt and we had a 45 minute phone call. But I felt so guilty afterwards that I texted my roommate asking if it was ok if I talked to him. She said that she was uncomfortable with talking to him, associating with him, or being around him. I told her I understood, so if she didn't want me talking to him I wouldn't. She then says that she "refuses to influence my decision. I don't understand why you would talk to him after what had happened, but I refuse to be apart that this decision."
My thing is, and something two of my other friends have also said, is that she refuses to accept the fact that we grew up in two completely different households, and two completely different environments. She grew up with the extent of her problems being divorced parents, while I grew up fighting for my life and protecting my little brother, and in constant survival mode. Now that isn't to say divorce isn't hard, but compared to life threatening abuse, I wish I only had to worry about which parent am I spending Christmas day with..She calls her family every night, and her siblings and mom and dad call her all the time, everyday night, while I have to fight just to get my younger brother to even text me once a month! We even had an arguement about doing dishes because I didn't grow up doing them everyday and she refused to compromise, even though I work two jobs and go to college and is barely home, while she is almost always home and only has to worry about school, so she has time for that. Her mom doesn't want her working, so she doesn't. The only off day I have are Mondays (which isn't really an off day because I have meetings with my student org that day) and Saturdays (sometimes) and I don't want to always have to worry about cleaning up when I'm off, especially since I clean up when I get off work on Sundays.
So when she said that I got upset because if she had just asked instead of being so adamant about not "influencing my decision", she would maybe understand me better. But maybe I'm wrong for being hurt that she refuses to give any input especially since she was mainly affected by what happened with my uncle. I feel guilty for talking to him, but he's the only family I got. And I don't want to lose the relationship we worked to fix jus tyo make my roommate happy, but I also love my roommate like a sibling and don't want to make her uncomfortable.
I genuinely don't know what to do. AITAH?
P.S. Sorry for the length, this has been building inside me for so long that I had so much to say. | It seems to me that you are indeed an idiot.
You didn't say what he said about her; that could greatly change the judgment.
Considering that your uncle had desires for his own niece and then went around talking trash about your friend, it already shows that he's not trustworthy.
And be careful with those miraculous cures that last a few months, they're usually just lies.
I would protect myself not only for the sake of a friend, but also for her safety. |
WIBTAH for going to my friend wedding with my bf behind my family back | I (27F) come from a very controlling Indian family. Growing up, I was expected to take care of my siblings because my parents were emotionally unavailable. My younger brother (26M) is the golden child, and I’ve always been expected to sacrifice my own needs.
I moved abroad a few years ago and live independently now. I’ve been with my boyfriend (30M) for six years. His brother is getting married next week in another country, and I booked tickets last month without telling my parents because I knew they would try to stop me.
Recently, my younger sister (21F) is also moving abroad for her studies. My parents now expect me to travel to her destination during the exact same dates as the wedding to help her settle in, simply because I’m the older sister. I feel she’s an adult and can manage her housing herself.
My future MIL asked my mom for permission for me to attend the wedding, and my mom said she would “think about it.” Yesterday, my dad called and demanded I take leave for my sister instead of the wedding. My boyfriend says I should go to the wedding without telling them, but I’m scared of my parents and their reaction.
So, WIBTA for going to the wedding instead of helping my sister move?
UPDATE 1: 12th Jan
My dad later called me and accused me of being “influenced” by someone. I finally snapped and told him I was tired of being controlled. He exploded, insulted me, said I was “dead to him,” and told me never to contact them again. I’m now planning to go low-contact for a while.
UPDATE 2: 14th Jan
I spoke to my sister last night and told her I’m going to the wedding. She panicked and admitted that our parents deliberately wanted me to travel with her instead of attending the wedding because they were planning to sabotage my relationship with my boyfriend and his mother aka my mil.
I’m furious, but I’m choosing not to confront them. For now, I’m keeping my plans quiet and moving in the shadow . I’ll update again once everything is settled. | NTAH. You are 27 and finally living your own life. You can either suggest that your parents go help your sister or agree to go help her after the wedding. It's possible your sister doesn't need help at all and your parents are attempting to control your plans. I am so sorry about your family dynamics. That is so stressful. I really hope you get to enjoy the wedding with your fiance. |
AITAH for calling my sister crazy? | A bit of context of like the situation: I wake up at 4:30 everyday, and lay in bed for like an hour before getting ready for school. No one aside from my dad is awake before 7 unless they need to shower or something. So this one particular morning, I was in the shower at 5:30 and upstairs until a bit after 6, feeding our puppies and taking them outside, making coffee and breakfast. A bit after 6 I went back to my room to finish getting ready, and everyone else eventually got up to get ready. My parents were going to go to town to get groceries that day, and my dad noticed that some money wasn’t where he put it last.
Understandably, he was worried since it was a lot of money ($400-500 I don’t remember the exact amount.) He said no one is leaving the house until it’s found, because we’ve all had a history of taking money (granted none of us took more than maybe $25 at a time that I know of) so we all started to look for it. I personally haven’t taken money without asking first in years, because it is genuinely so much easier to just ask and not get grounded. My sister, who’s a year younger than me, recently started meds (sept-oct) and I promise that will be relevant soon. She has the most history aside from our older sister with stealing, and honestly it never crossed my mind that it could have been her, I was just annoyed that I might miss the bus.
Like I said, I was annoyed, and there’s this feature on instagram where you can post “notes” that the people you follow and follow you back can see. I have two accounts on instagram, a private one where I post the more stupid things I do, and one where I mostly post me and my younger siblings. On my “main” account I made my note “Dude.” and the other “It’s obv who took it omg” since my brother who’s just freshly a teenager and living in the rebellious part of that age, has been stealing pretty frequently lately from all of us. The money was eventually found by my dad, and everyone moved on since it was just misplaced.
Around 10 minutes later, I was in my room getting ready to leave and my sister came in asking for their headphones, which I gave back and kept looking for my shoes. They were kinda standing in my room and I just asked what’s up? Because they seemed upset and I was worried someone said something to make them sad/angry. She started yelling at me, accusing me of blaming them for “stealing” and that I always blame them for everything, which to me is untrue. I was already annoyed, and I literally wake up at 4 am everyday against my will so I’m exhausted pretty much all the time. So, I yelled back at her to chill tf out because she was being crazy.
From my point of view, this was out of nowhere because to me, it’s obvious that the person who supposedly stole from my dad was the one who has been actively stealing from him recently, and I said that. For the rest of the day I decided to give us both space, because I was mad them for freaking out at me over a misunderstanding, and they still believe that I’m lying and that I do blame them for something that didn’t even actually happen. Later that day, she messaged me (responding to a note that was about my teacher because I was bugging him about something and he said that my class was bullying him) and she said
“How tf would you feel if I said that everytime I said some rude messed up shit you would cry to mom and dad so seriously fuck off im genuinely so sick of you constantly making me apologize and then crying to mom and dad saying i hurt your feelings and then doing this when you hurt mine you knew those words would hurt me cause i told you that while crying my eyes out im honestly sick of trusting you with shit just for you to use it against me god what kind of sister are you. Who on earth uses something someone told them in confidence against them bro. Like seriously bro.”
My note was just “Wah wah wah” because again my teacher was joking about us bullying him, and my friends from that class replied with “Literally him”, “Lmao” or some variation of that.
For certain parts of the message, I’ll add a bit of background so there’s no misunderstanding.
The part that says “crying to mom and dad saying i hurt your feelings” I usually go to our parents for some advice on how to go forward with communicating with her, so that we can have some sort of settlement between us and our parents sit us down to have a talk, so that we have an adult that can mediate between us so it doesn’t become something bigger.
“im honestly sick of trusting you with shit just for you to use it against me” when we were younger, we had a really bad relationship, and it was really unhealthy. We used to go to family therapy on a monthly basis because our household was in a very bad place, and they said some things I’m not going to disclose, but it was stuff that really bothered them. During our arguments, that sometimes got physical (mostly on her part since I don’t want to be how my dad was when we were kids and it’s something that terrifies me) I would accuse her of being just like him, which was mostly me projecting that fear and insecurity, since people are always pointing out how similar we are. Since we grew up in an abusive household, I’m not the only one with this fear out me and my siblings. Aside from that, I can’t really think of anything else, and if it’s needed I’ll add it if I remember.
I understand that, I could have responded differently to her, but I was pissed off that she was still just making assumptions about me, since she claims to hate assumptions and I said “Have you ever considered that not everything is about you? Like genuinely.” Because again, my notes had nothing to do with her both times.
She totally freaked out and started calling me a horrible sister, a b\*tch, etc. Since from my perspective, I was being attacked out of nowhere over two misunderstandings that could have been easily cleared up, I got really defensive. Basically I just said that she was being crazy, and that’s why i said that, and that she isn’t special for being crazy since everyone is around here, and i understand that she’s upset because it was shitty of me but she needs to stop taking everything so personally. I also said that I’m my own person, and I’m sick of her assuming that I’m like everyone else in the world and that I’m not a bad person because she assumes that all the bad things in her life are because of me.
In the past, she’s expressed that she hates when people call her crazy, especially since she’s medicated for depression. At the time she was off of her medication for reasons idk and all of us in the house hold our mental health to a high level of importance, so we all know that’s really dangerous. To me, she was being really weird, and it was out of nowhere since we haven’t had any arguments in months because we’re both usually pretty good with communication.
At the time I didn’t know she wasn’t on her meds, and the day before a classmate asked her if she took her meds which caused her to have a breakdown, since again she really doesn’t like the idea that something is wrong with her. I’ve expressed several times that I don’t see there being anything wrong with her, and reiterated that several times during the argument itself, but she kept bringing up her meds and saying that “we only started treating her this way once she started her meds” (we being me and everyone else in the house.) I disagree with that, because all of us have been on meds or wanted to be on meds but it didn’t end up working out, and I don’t see any difference in how we treat her that could allude to us seeing her as having no self control or being crazy, aside from my one comment telling her to chill out because she’s acting crazy.
With the added context of her, and our argument, am I the asshole for calling her crazy after she flipped out at me? | Maybe you shouldn’t have been accusing anyone on your fucking IG. Did you correct the information once you realized that you were wrong? |
AITAH for skipping class? [very long] | TW FOR EATING DISORDERS, PHYSICAL DISORDERS, AND MENTAL DISORDERS. Thank you and stay safe out there ❤️
Hey there :>. Im a 17(F) Jr at an unnamed high-school for anonymity’s sake. I’ve been attending this highschool for three or so years and recently was added to a therapeutic learning program to provide me a little extra help due to me being a bit of a high maintenance student. For my whole life i have been plagued with physical and mental disabilities that have made life a little harder for me than the average person. In fact it’s pretty common for me and my friends to joke I’m collecting all the disorders like general grievous! I don’t know if i really need to provide specifics but some of these include: POTS, ARFID, AMPS, EDS, Anemia, Chronic pains, The tism’, ADD, Insomnia, and many others. The conditions that are important to this story though are POTS, ARFID, Anemia and AMPS. I will spend the next paragraph explaining what those are so if you already know feel free to just skip ahead.
Starting off with Positional Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, POTS is a pretty simple one. It’s characterized by the drastic increase of BPM when changing positions. For example my average laying heartbeat is 70-80, while my average sitting heartbeat is 100 and my average standing is 110-120. This causes lightheadedness, blackout, and even sometimes fainting while changing positions. Standing is particularly difficult for me because of this and going from class to class can be a bit difficult but i normally manage. ARFID is a restrictive eating disorder characterized by being a bit unlike the others you might have heard of. Rather than being based on looks ARFID is based entirely on three factors. Explaining it all would take too much time so i will focus on my main domain: Disinterest. I simply do not care about food. Something got a little fucked up in my brain when i was little and it resulted in me being unable to feel some normal human sensations like hunger or coldness, and that results in me being very disinterested in eating or just simply forgetting. Pair that with my mental disorders making me more of an interest driven person and you have ARFID. I would rather doomscroll than eat, and the effects are horrendous. Im about 5’2.5 and 95 LBS (or 43 kg and 289.56 cm for my europeans!). The healthy weight for someone of my hight is about 104-136 lbs or 45-60 kg, so i am very malnourished. This tends to act as a sort of boost to all my other conditions making them much worse. It also worsens my chronic pains by a lot as i can feel my body eating itself to sustain me. Anemia is also very short explanation. It’s just a lack of or very short amount of iron in someone’s blood. It often makes someone very sleepy. AMPS is the final explanation on our list today! I forget what it stands for but it’s just a pain disorder caused by hyper-mobility. My joints are often in extreme pain due to weakness of the muscles causing frequent over extension or something like that. Feel free to look it up if you want clarification. Ok, now that we are done with all the medical context we can get on with the actual story. Thank you for sitting through all that!
Our story begins today. I came into school with a plan in mind to help me make it through my day with minimal pain and exhaustion. One important thing to note about me is that i tire very easily due to my plethora of issues, and will often pass out right after getting home from school. This would not be an option today as i have a doctors appointment straight after school. I also have all four of my academic classes today so I would probably be extra tired after school ends. With that in mind i made my game plan. I would rest during the first two hours of school \[a free block and English\] so i would have enough energy to make it through science, history, and math without falling asleep or leaving early for the nurses. I got comfortable in the Therapeutic Learning Center \[TLC\] but before i could start snoozing i found out my first class was in fact, not a free. It was interpersonal, a time for me and my social worker to chat. We talked for half the class and by the time we were finished i had gotten zero rest in. I opted to tell her my plan and was swiftly denied. Thats ok. I can just tell her why i should not be in class. For the past two days i have had crippling heart aches that have caused me on multiple occasions to vomit from the sheer pain of the aches. I explained this to her and told her about my busy schedule and that I needed to rest so I could focus on the classes I had C’s and B’s in instead of English, AND make it to my physical therapy appointment after school, AND do my two hours of homework accumulated from all four classes at home without passing out. I explained that it probably wouldn’t be wise to have me walking around all day anyways since i was having heart pains and that might be related to the POTS. I explained that my left leg felt like it was broken and i wasn’t sure if i could walk the full distance to the main building while in this kind of pain. She said nope again and sent me off to english.
I opted to just go to the nurses office since i was in so much pain and i could probably use a heating pad to help with the leg pains. When i arrived my usual nurse was on the phone so i went to speak with the other nurse in the office. She told me my social worker had apparently CALLED AHEAD and she could only let me stay for TEN MINUTES. This was insane to me. I have heart pains. I’ve been vomiting from said pains. It just made more sense for me to save my energy for the classes i really needed to expend said energy on. I think about it like a budget i need to spend carefully throughout the day. If i try too hard in my first two classes i will sleep through the other five periods of the day, but if i allow myself to rest in those first two classes and i pace myself i can get good work done in one or two big classes later in the day. I normally have one or two classes i need to up my grade in and i expend my budget on those while flowing in and out of the others. Someone like me doesn’t really have the stamina to make it through a full schoolday so going to every single isn’t normally an option for me. With that i went to lay down and dozed off for ten minutes before i was dismissed from the nurses office. I limped my way over to English and sat down. I had honestly been considering just straight up skipping class but i was too tired to go against the flow.
During english i began thinking. Thinking about how crazy it is to deny a chronically ill patient healthcare in the nurses office. Thinking about how crazy it was to just toss my claims of pain aside. Thinking about how unfair it was for me that during the other half of my “free” block I couldn’t sleep because teachers kept popping in and pestering me about random things. So i got internally frustrated. But i don’t normally express my frustration so i bottled it up and went to TLC to rest during chem. My social worker saw me there and asked what i was doing. This time i stood my ground and i said i was not going to chemistry because i was in pain and needed to rest somewhere quiet. It felt wrong to let the faint risk use deadly chemicals for experiments when they could barely stand as is. She told me to put my phone up on the main desk and i told her i would after i finish communicating with my parents about potentially going home because the heart pains were just so bad i couldn’t bare to be at school anymore. She told me SHE would communicate with my parents and to put my phone up on the desk. A huge fear of mine is being cut off from help and so i told her absolutely not i would finish talking with my parents and if i couldn’t then i would leave TLC and go somewhere else. I didn’t care about having a bad attendance record, i would do what was best for me. I got into an argument with her and one of the other TLP \[Therapeutic learning program\] teachers.
In our argument i explained how dangerous it was for me to have someone cut off my access to nursing. I was in heart pain and that is an incredibly dangerous kind of pain. The other teacher was confused about this and asked my social worker about the cutting me off thing. They didn’t really have time to talk about it because we were still arguing. I brought up how much pain i was really in and that i had a plan i was going to follow to make it through my day and that this wasn’t unusual for me. I brought up that i was tired and i had a doctors appointment literally every day after school this week and i just needed to rest for one period and now I wasn’t going to be able to go to ANY of my classes because i was stressed out and incredibly stressed. My energy budget was thrown out the window by this unexpected change to my plan and the only way to preserve it was to skip chemistry and save the rest of my energy for history and math. This didn’t go anywhere and i tried to text my parents again. The teachers were both telling me to put my phone on their desk but i wasn’t going to. I snapped and told them both i would be texting my parents and that i would be leaving this space if they didn’t back off and let me rest. The argument died down and i texted my parents who both told me i should stay in school because TLP is going to help me with my disregulaton. I brought up the fact they had literally just disregulated me and i couldn’t stand to be in a place where i felt paranoid. My mother blamed my heart pain on anxiety and i told her i had that pain for two days now and they should stop blaming everything on my anxiety because barely any of my issues were caused by my anxiety. Their go to excuse is normally “This completely unrelated pain is anxiety. You’re avoiding class and school.“ which i think is completely void because i had literally made my plan to go to 75% of my academic classes, which i was now missing to rest because english and this argument had taken a lot out of me. That leads us to now
I know that was a lot to read and i don’t have the best judgement because my whole life has been pain of the mental and physical time so i came to reddit for the closest thing i could get to an unbiased opinion. I have a feeling I’m in the wrong here because everyone around me \[TLP and my parents\] are telling me i am, but i can’t see how. I miss class often so it cant be in relation to that. Please share your wisdom reddit. Thank you for listening to me ramble, i know a bit of my own personal bias came out towards the end there so just try to ignore all that lol. Stay safe out there and DM me or ask in the comments if you have questions or info you need clarified. ❤️ - Shark | [removed] |
AitAH for just reading the title and basing my decision off of that? | Just like when I'm at the library picking out a book if I see a cover that draws my attention then I might pick up the book and see if it might be something I'm interested in. When I'm looking at these stories I don't read all of the facts about the entire situation. I just base my opinion off of what the title says. Hoping that whoever is posting it has done a good job explaining their dilemma in the title. | YTA - im not reading the title or the post here actually. |
WIBTAH for asking my husband to commit four months in advance? | My son was born three days after my birthday in May. He is the first grandchild on both sides. Us, my parents and my in-laws all live in different countries. We are in the same continant as my in-laws and are only a four hour flight away whereas my parents live half way across the world (18-20 hour flight).
We had originally planned for all grandparents to meet in our home country for mine/ my sons first birthday.
My mother in law has a terminal illness and it is hard for her to travel. Recently, my husband told me that her treatment will be more intense going forward so I suggested that we go to their country for the birthday parties and my parents would just fly there instead of to our country. He originally thought it was a nice idea.
However, the next day, when I mentioned bringing the idea up to my parents he got defensive. He said that we didn't know how the new treatment would affect her and it may still be possible to do it in our country. However, if she couldn't go for whatever reason then we could plan to go to to his parents country closer to the date. The issue is that since my parents live far away and tickets are very expensive, they like to book well in advance. My dad also has OCD and therefore gets nervous if things aren't planned ahead.
I've told my parents that it may be in a different country and they are fine with it but want to know in the next few weeks where it will be and what dates so they can book tickets. My husband thinks that's manipulative and puts him in a position where he has to commit to a flying because my parents can't just be flexible (he would rather have the birthdays in our country if his parents can come). I understand his position and that it would be ideal if everyone is flexible- but I also understand my parent's perspective and that it's not fair to make them spend a lot more money/be more uncomfortable because we're unsure.
Some relevant context- this also happened after the baby was born and my MIL could not fly to meet him for health reasons. She had a few flights to come see him but the flights were either cancelled or a medical thing came up and she wouldn't be able to come. My husband was very upset about this and after the baby got his passport I said it would be easier to just go there. My MIL spoke to my mom about us maybe going and my mom told her that she thought us going there would be a good idea. My MIL then cancelled her flight and we went to my in-laws country. My mom had originally said that she would stay in our home country to watch our dog while we were away- but she had thought she would get to see us when we got back home. When she realized that our dates were such that she would be left alone in our home country and wouldn't see us when we got back she decided to also come to my in-laws country as her mom (my grandmother) lives there and she wanted to be there when my son was introduced to her mother (we put the dog with our friends who usually dog sit him- it was no problem). When my husband and MIL found out she was also coming they thought my mom manipulated my in-laws into cancelling their flight so we could all go to my in-laws country. During the entire trip to my in-law's country- we only saw my mom once and that was when we saw my grandmother. Anyway, this caused a lot of tension in my marriage so I would like to avoid it this time.
In this case, my parents have been asking me for a while if there's a chance the birthday might be in my in-laws country due to my MIL's health. I asked my husband a few months ago if there was any chance this could happen and he said it would be in our home country no matter what. That's what I told my parents so I knew they were going to book flights soon which is why I wanted to tell them it could be in a different country ASAP. However, things change and he wants his parents at the birthday which I totally get. But he now thinks that my parents and I have been conspiring to have the birthday in my in-laws country because we've been talking about it for a few months- when that idea had never crossed him or his parents mind. Which is why he feels like he is being manipulated.
| Don’t try to plan both sides coming at the same time |
WIBTAH for breaking up with my partner due to his mother? | TW: Sexual Assault
Me (Asian M22) and my partner (White M26) have been dating for almost 2 years now. Our relationship has been otherwise very healthy, with minor disagreements, with him being a very go-with-the-flow type for the most part and whenever we don't agree on something, we always take the time to hear eachother out and adjust both of our behaviors accordingly. When we first started dating, my partner warned me about his mother, who sounded honestly like a piece of work. Without getting into details, she is always mistreating everyone around her, never takes into account anyone's time or feelings other than herself, and need to always be the center of attention.
Fast forward to the day I met his parents, I expected his mother to dislike me due to both her political standings and xenophobia, but she actually is treating me very nicely. I was thrown back by this, only to later find out that she had a thing for Asian men and has an unhealthy obsession with Asian culture. My partner and I joked about this for the longest time. Fast forward to 5 months ago, I moved in with my partner, who is currently living with his parents to save on rent money. At first, I would have an few awkward encounters with his mother a day, treating her with respect to keep the peace. Some highlights include her trying to inaccurately educate me on my own culture and adjacent Asian cultures, and remarks about how she used to date "little Filipino boys" way back when.
Recently, she has gotten very comfortable with touching me in places that are not necessarily seen as inappropriate for most (shoulder, back, etc.), and eventually kissed me on the cheeks during a vulnerable moment for me. I have confirmed that she does not touch anyone or kiss anyone, including her kids, on the cheeks which eliminates this being a personal "quirk", which I can usually tolerate even if uncomfortable. In fact, the only other person that she does this to her husband, which makes things more disturbing for me. I have relayed my discomforts with everything that has built up to my partner, and by extension his father. In addition, I communicate all of my encounters with his mother on an ongoing basis, but it feels like everytime it gets brushed off as a joke, maybe as a coping mechanism, and more recently I have been getting panic attacks, with ever bring done or brought up to address this until recently. To his credit, my partner has made attempts recently to talk to his mother just to be shut down, validated me in my feelings, and offered to move out with me once his job contract for the year expires. I am feeling trapped, and wished that he has done more and is willing to do more to protect me from this situation. I have communicated my encounters with his mother on an ongoing basis. I am planning to moving out due to this, and will do so as soon as I can find a lease elsewhere, and we are going long distance until his job contract runs out.
Aside from this, our relationship is actually very healthy. We've had deep talks about the future, we really do enjoy each other's company everyday, and are there for eachother whenever we have bad days. I know he is trying for my sake, but I am afraid that it is too little, too late, and that the damage has been done. I want to keep this relationship going, but my gut is telling me that we are at the end of the line, and I shouldn't be putting myself in a situation to stress about a future in-law like this. WIBTA if I chose to break up with my partner over this? Is there another option to keep the relationship going without the added stress and panic attacks eating me up alive? I want to keep things going with my partner, but I cannot handle his mother as a "guest star" in my life.
Context:
* I initially moved in with my partner so that we can save money, as I am in my gap year before graduate school, and my partner is in a low earning industry. The other option would've been for me to move back in with my parents in a different state for the time being, putting us further apart.
* Both me and my partner grew up with an abusive parent, although mine was more so physically abusive while his is more manipulative. We are not perfect at recognizing what is normal and what was normalized for us under our environment. I want your perspectives and criticisms, but remember that we are human and hindsight is 20-20.
TLDR; partner's mother has an Asian fetish, partner is trying to be supportive, but I'm not sure if it's too late.
Edit: Grammar
Edits 2 & 3: Context | >Fast forward to 5 months ago, I moved in with my partner, who is currently living with his parents to save on rent money.
I'm sorry, but what did you expect to happen here?
You already didn't like her for how she treated your partner...so you moved in? After she already made you deeply uncomfortable?
She's the asshole but you're acting so naive I don't believe this story is true.
If it is true, maybe try moving out before breaking up? I feel like your plan there makes the most sense. |
AITAH for telling my autistic cousin it’s ok to be himself?? | I’m so confused. I (18F) am autistic I have a little cousin (10M) who’s autistic. He’s not yet diagnosed but everyone knows he’s autistic. Teachers,Doctors,Everyone who meets him. Can tell right off the bat he’s autistic. The only reason he’s not diagnosed is because his mother (my uncles ex girlfriend) is really against the idea of autism and thinks it’ll be shameful if he’s diagnosed. Despite teachers and doctors from age 4 telling her to get him diagnosed.
I am diagnosed as autistic. I am not as obviously low social needs as him though. He’s lower functioning in that regard. He was mostly mute until age 7 only talking to his parents,one of his grandparents,his brothers and me. Other than that he wouldn’t talk at all and a lot of the family were hurt by this but even before I knew I was autistic and what autism was I realised he needed some time to get comfortable with people and you couldn’t force it and that he was “different” and we needed to just communicate in a different way and let him be comfortable.
Sometimes his mother specifically would shout at him if he wouldn’t talk to people telling him he’s annoying everyone. But I would always say if it was referring to me that it’s ok he can talk to me whenever he wants. And I think that in tern made him more open towards me.
I guess I now know I understood more because of the autism. But he talks now to everyone. He has extreme speech issues though which makes him difficult to understand if you don’t know him well. And he’s quite sensitive and annoys his friends with his vocal stims.
He didn’t know he’s autistic until recently though he thought he was just weird. When the whole “acoustic” thing was a big thing he got called that a few times. But didn’t know what it meant bless him and was confused. He’s been called slurs by grown adults before. It’s really sad. But he still didn’t think it was a disibility he just thought he was strange. He wasn’t told until his older brother told him out of anger recently he’s the r word because he’s autistic and when my cousin said he’s not autistic his brother said he is and his mums to disappointed to face it.
He asked his mum if this was true and she said it isn’t. But then when he went to his dad’s house he said it is true and that he will talk to his mother about getting him tested and getting him more help. His mother still said no saying it’s embarrassing. My uncle was really upset at my cousins mum but followed her wishes.
I’d heard this from my grandmother who was shocked by the story after my uncle told her. But then I heard it from my cousin too because we are still very close. He called me and told me he’s autistic. I told him I am too. He was shocked he said I’m so normal and I said he’s so normal too. And it’s ok to be himself normal or not normal. He’s got a big personality he’d be so boring without the autism because he’d be like every other bratty 10 year old. He giggled. I didn’t realise his mother was in the room though. She asked him who he was talking to. He said me.
She then told me hi he has to go now. I said ok. She then requests me on Facebook. I accept and she messaged me on messenger telling me what I said to my cousin was inappropriate. I asked what she means and she elaborated saying that me telling him to be himself and he’d be boring without the autism and being normal is boring is basically telling him it’s ok to be socially stunted. And he doesn’t need to get better. And I’ve always encouraged him to be like this since he was young by saying about how it’s ok if he doesn’t want to talk to me.
I said he’s developed a lot in the last few years he’s started talking and has a few good friends and is playing football in a kids football group which years ago would’ve been impossible for him. And I said him still being himself doesn’t need to mean he won’t develop and he is developing just at a slower rate that others. And I just said about him not talking to me because I didn’t want him to feel pressured to talk to me if he didn’t want to because he was a shy kid so I didn’t want to stress him out.
She then told me she knows I’m “one of those” but I don’t need to encourage him to be like me. I told her that I didn’t really think it was a big deal or it would be a problem with her I was just trying to be a safe space for him because we are both autistic and he and I are close so I wanted to give him some big cousin advice as a fellow autistic since he came to me saying he was autistic. I didn’t mean to push any boundaries with her I know this is difficult on her.
I was quite nice in my message but the whole time I was thinking WTF??? I was literally just being a good cousin. It’s difficult for him finding out his whole family was keeping that he is autistic from him. He thought it was a bad thing. He can’t stop being autistic he needs to accept and embrace it imo. Or he’s just going to get more stressed out maybe even going BACKWARDS developmentally.
I don’t think he can mask very well so that’s out of the picture anyway. And even if he could that can be very mentally exhausting in the long run I wouldn’t want to encourage him to do that unless it was hurting anyone. He’s a great kid though. Always nice and respectful to everyone. So it’s not like I’m encouraging him to have violent meltdowns or something he’s a very levelheaded kid. He just has a lot of social and developmental delays. And while I get that’s tough for him and his parents he shouldn’t be ashamed of himself.
Was I really in the wrong in this situation? Should I have just stayed neutral about his autism or something? | NTAH. You spoke to him with kindness and reassurance in a moment where he was scared and confused. |
AITAH for telling a secret to a friend? | For context, I (18F) got into a trainee job around 9 months ago, and was warmly accepted by my coworkers. I became friends with most of them, specially a girl who I will call Sophie (21yo). Sophie is married, but secretly actively cheats on her husband, but since we're mostly work friends, I try not to interfere in her private life. One of her fixed affairs is with "Jonah" (36M), also one of my coworkers and in-work friends.
Fast forward to a month ago, my company held a barbecue gathering to the end of the year, where we got to be less professional and drink a little (in my country we're allowed to drink at 18).
By the end of the gathering, I was talking to Jonah and he started telling me about how he feels so free and how he doesn't want anyone at the moment, except if the person was me. I thought he was just drunk and talking nonsense, so I brushed it off. But when I got home, he started to DM me about how he wasn't joking and actually wanted to have something w me. I was genuinely stunned, specially bc when I entered the company I was still a minor. So I screenshot the conversation and went to sleep.
The next day, he kept on DMing me, but since I'm a very kind person, I couldn't tell him to stop saying those things and just said that I wasn't interested in anyone rn and when he apologized for saying that, I just told him it was okay (when it wasn't).
On that same day, I sent the screenshots to my 4 closest work girlfriends group chat (which Sophie is also a part of), and she told us that he had once told her that he wanted a threesome with both of us (something I was disgusted about), and that she forgot to tell me about it. Sophie decided that it was time to end her affair with him since he wasn't a very nice person based on those actions. I told her not to mention me since I didn't want to be the pivot for their break up, but since that day he hasn't spoken to me (what is definitely not a bad thing for me). But now I feel like the people who are close to him at work started to treat me a little colder than before, and I am afraid he could be making up rumors about me and telling these people.
On the other hand, I strongly think Sophie told him that she knows about our conversation, even tho I strictly told her not to. And now my girls doesn't really trust her with secretive stuff.
My personal best friend told me I should had just stood up for myself, and that Sophie was right for telling him about it.
So I wanna know, AITAH for not keeping my mouth shut and creating this whole mess, or no one is the asshole and I should just keep this situation as it is?
(sorry for my poor grammar, english is my 2nd language)
| You gossiped and are now experiencing the repercussions. YTA |
AITAH for taking my best friend’s turtle | Hey reddit!
I (24f) have been friends with, we’ll call her Jen(24f) since primary school. To put you in context, Jen moved an hour away from my house a couple of years ago so we were a little less close friends as we were before. Jen doesn’t have a car and had to take the subway and a couple of buses if she wanted to come over to my house. I also went to her house when I had the time. We grew appart but we still kept in contact.
Last year, Jen started dating Carla. Carla had to move away from her sisters house so she would move in with Jen. Carla took her sisters turtle because her sister was mistreating him. The thing is that she wouldn’t have enough space to move in with the turtle inside the appartement. They both knew I had a lot of animals already so they asked me if I could take care of him until they could move out together into a bigger place. I said yes, obviously! Jen has been my best friend forever and I wanted to help them! I made a deal with them that they had to pay for whatever the turtle needed during the time that he was with me because I couldn’t pay for it myself. They agreed and everything was fine.
Fast foward a couple of months, the turtle hurt himself on a basking rock inside his aquarium. Not knowing what to do, I texted Carla so she could help me figure out what to do and she helped me. A couple days later. I sent Carla a basking platform that would be safe for him. He had nothing in his aquarium appart from rocks and I felt really bad because he looked bored, he was always trying to climb out of the aquarium so I was looking for stuff to put inside of the aquarium so he was a little bit more entertained. She said I could buy the plateform and she would give me the money back since she wanted to try and diy something but didn’t have the time to do so. I didn’t buy the plateform because at the time I didn’t have enough money since I had already bought a heat lamp for him that was quiet expensive. (They did give me the money for the lamp tho)
10 days later I bought pebble rocks, live plants, feeding fishes and drift wood. The total of the bill was 87.34$ for everything. She told me to be careful about the small rocks that I bought because when he was younger he ate some similar types of rocks. I assured her that the rocks were way to big to fit in his mouth and that she doesnt have to worry, I would keep an eye on him. She said everything was fine and it ended at that. Since then everything is fine and he hasnt eaten any of them. Our last conversation was on july 10th, I didnt have any news appart from when Jen asked me for money for basic things on august 30th to wich I proposed to come over and pay for the groceries so we had the opportunity to see each other (I know I’m stupid shut up). She said it was too much and to forget about it.
On october 6th I decided to text them about the situation and see how things were progressing. I knew that money was short for them so I was really gentle about the situation and I’m not going to lie it made me really uncomfortable to talk to them.
Jen answered my message saying that I had been really patient with them, that times were difficult and asked if we could take a payment agreement. She also said that they were thinking on moving out soon. She also wanted to give me 150-200$ by the 16th. I told her that she didn’t have to give me that big amount since it was already hard for them and I told her that I could keep the turtle until they would move out if it was soonish. She proceeded to tell me that with everything I’ve done, 150$ is the least she could do. We ended the conversation because we were both working.
Fast foward 2 months, on december 8th I decided to text them AGAIN because I didn’t receive any payment. I told them I could NOT carry the burden of another pet, that my finances were important too and that I had been patient enough. I asked them to find a way to find the turtle a new home. I told them that I didn’t want to put pressure on them but that I was trying to protect my finances as well. I also told them that I would do them a favor and not take the money back because I knew things were hard for them, but that the turtle had to go.
She said they would start looking around for refuges for him and that they really wanted to give the money back. I proceeded to tell them that I really didnt care about the money at this point but that it couldnt keep going on this way. She said that she would talk to refuges and that he wouldnt be a problem for me anymore, I told her that the turtle was never my problem and that she knew what the problem was. She sent me a 👍. At this point, I was FUMING. I told her that I would remove the burden of finding the turtle a new home since she was giving me an attitude, I told her that I really regretted the fact that I helped her and her girlfriend. I blocked her and she decided to text me in an another conversation, giving me shit, telling me I was never a good person that I was “full of myself”, that I ruined our friendship because I said that it wasnt my problem anymore. She said that she didn’t give a fuck about what she owed me since Carla asked me not to put the rocks in the aquarium and that I still bought them (wich is not true). I can’t put everything we said in here because it would be a long ass story but I wasn’t gentle with her. I can tell you guys that I never insulted her like she did me tho. We had a back and forth and nothing good was said. It really broke my heart and I cried like a baby that night, doubting my self worth and wondering what I could’ve done better.
So yeah, I have a turtle now… AITAH for taking my friend’s turtle? | Didn’t sound like they took care of him to start.
As long as you have the financial capability to take care of him and you take care of him well, then I say, yes nice new turtle 🐢 |
AITAH for not wanting to keep someone elses' dog? | So for context, some time ago a friend and I got dogs at the same time from the same litter. They are siblings, and we've kept them rather close as they've grown up.
I also have a few cats, who get along great with my puppy but aren't too keen on the other dog. I always had the intention of getting another dog in the future as I am quite nervous on my own. However, due to finances, I've been hesitating until I'm no longer in severe debt.
Recently, my friend has decided he can no longer keep his dog. Sometimes life happens, and I am not judging him for this decision. I offered (well, rather, was asked) to try and see if the dogs would be fine together as permanent siblings with myself. I have a very strong bond with the dog and figured it would be fine, however this has changed seemingly overnight since this has happened. I was told the dog was trained, and was good on walks, etc. He does not respond to commands, or even his name, and tugs so much on walks it feels like he will yank my shoulder out of it's socket. He is also very food aggressive, and has bit me already and nipped at my cats.
My dog is very submissive by nature, and is being bullied out of his toys, food, and attention. Not to mention I am unable to sleep as the dog, who was crate trained, is crying through the night in his crate.
Additionally, he is pissing everywhere despite being let out multiple times a day. I can appreciate that this may be a territorial thing, however the amount of eliminations is that of a regular pee, so I feel like he's just weeing inside rather than outside in the yard.
He also has some of the worst separation anxiety I have ever seen. Even just closing the door for a wee has him howling, clawing at the door, and peeing.
I intend on having children in the future, but as above the dog has bit me while giving him a trim (his ears and sanitary area was completely matted, I was unable to brush the matts out so it was easier for us both for it to be shaved) and has bit at my cats over food aggression.
I have kept him in the past, and he was never this bad. I'm unsure what has changed, but I have figured I am unable to keep him. I feel that I am not ready for this, and as stated previously I do intend on getting a second dog in the future, however I feel like there would be some animosity if I am unable to keep this dog and get another in the future when I am ready.
I feel horrible over the whole situation and I cannot stop crying over the concept of him being "out of the family", however for my sake I don't think I can keep this dog for the next 10+ years. I love this dog very much, but with all of the above I feel that I am incapable of providing him with the home, training, and support he needs. I can appreciate that this may be a settling period of him acting out, but I'm not sure if I can handle it.
I also love my friend very much and hate the concept of hurting our relationship over this, however at the moment this feels impossible.
AITAH? | NTA.
I love that you assessed your situation and realized you are not ready for second dog, who is not trained properly. Which is BTW fault of your friend.
And if your decision negatively affect your relationship with your friend, trust me, you are better without that kind of “friend”. |
AITAH if I don't invite my mum to my graduation? | I've never had a close relationship with my mum but we are civil ish now and have been prior to this year we were okay.
Some things that happened this year gave me alot of anger towards her, I was dignoised with ptsd after my first birth, I had my third this year and multiple times she's made fun of me for requesting pain relief during my homebirth, I did have a successful homebirth but she makes fun of me asking to go to the hospital to get pain relief. She completely denies doing this even tho she has done it multiple times.
Something that felt so healing to me I felt she makes me feel as tho I failed and has taken that healing from me. Sounds stupid I know but now I don't want to share any big life event with her.
We also had a big fall out over my sisters boyfriend, her actions then really hurt me. I didn't think her boyfriends towards my children was okay and she wasn't on my team at all defending him over my kids.
It will cause a rift in my family so I don't know what to do. | Who paid for whatever you are graduating from? |
AITAH for eating my roommate’s food after they said “help yourself” weeks ago? |
A few weeks ago, my roommate told me “help yourself to anything in the fridge.” I assumed this was a general, ongoing statement. Last night, I ate the last slice of pizza that had been sitting there for two days.
This morning, they completely lost it and said that “help yourself” clearly did NOT apply to special food and that I should’ve known it was theirs.
I apologized, but I also feel like if something is in a shared fridge for 48 hours, it’s fair game especially after being told to help myself.
Now they’re calling me selfish and inconsiderate. | why are you mooching off your roommates food for a few weeks now?
why would you eat his leftover pizza without asking first?
he might have said 'help yourself', but that doesn't mean you should be a mooch and take without asking first.
YTA |
AITAH for cutting off my partners family after they said I was faking my disability and bulling me for 7 years. | AITAH - I (27f) and my boyfriend (30) have been together for 7 years (apart from a break we had in the first year). his family have never liked me. I have always asked for the reasons but these seem to change. they’ve banned me from their house, said some awful things about me and generally not been very nice dispute my years of attempts to be extra polite and sweet. to keep this short I will just jump into the main issue. I have a disability which was finally diagnosed 2023 so me and my boyfriend had been together many years at this point. after my first surgery I needed a second one. for my boyfriends birthday we went to his mothers for dinner where the family acted very overly worried about me and wished me the best. I thought we were making progress in our relationship, I was wrong. the next day my boyfriend when over for tea and his mother ended up arguing at him that I’m faking it, pretending to be ill so I can take all their money for a fake surgery etc. now my boyfriend has never stuck up for me and struggles to Evan say no to his mother which I believe is due to her being extremely controlling and over barring. When we was buying our house he snuck out with his mother to go view a difference house we had already decided not to buy As he can not say no and she wanted his to buy this house.
his inability to stand up to his family has put a big strain on our relationship however, since i cut them off they have been badgering my boyfriend about how horrid I am, how I should put up with their behaviour because her mother in law was horrible to her. How I’m disrespectful because I didn’t hug her boyfriend one time…The list goes on.
now I’m confussed as he will never stick up for me, and wants me to still go round there for dinner etc. All this bullying has really taken a toll on my mental health. This man is the sweetest, kindest, loveliest person I’ve ever met but I can’t keep doing this for the rest of my life.
soo AITAH or am I valid in possibly leaving my partner over his family Evan tho he’s a lovely person. | He's not "LOVELY" if he doesn't defend you.
NTA |
AITAH for being rude to my boyfriends dog? | So my (F26) boyfriend's (M25) mini Yorkie had diarrhoe the other day and made little bit of a mess. I felt for her but she seemed fine when I arrived at his home so I started calling her a little poopie butt. I may have been a bit excessive with the name calling because after a while of "aren't you a little poopie butt" and "what did you eat to make your tummy upsetty?" my boyfriend seemed to me like he was a little bit hurt. I did cuddle with her a lot tho so I didn't think it was that big of a deal.
Then she had another accident and asked my bf if we should remove the little stairs for the couch so she wouldn't have an accident on it too.
He did not like that because she already wasn't feeling well and he did wash her butt every time she had an accident. I told him that it is a matter of hygiene and it would be kinda yucky if she pooped on the blanket covering the couch.
In the end I backed out because it's still his home, his dog and therefore his rules. But, I added, I won't back down so easily when we move together.
He didn't really answer to that but I feel like he was also a little hurt by that.
So AITAH for being mean to the dog? Should I have just not say all those things? Or did I react unempatheticly? | Geez, if calling a pet "little poopie butt" is being mean to the pet then I'm the worst cat owner in history lol. NTA. |
AITAH for taking a lot of my married friend's time. | Me and friend, let's call her May are both in our late 20s. We were a part of bigger friend circle and only became closer when everyone in the friend group moved to different parts of the world for job, etc and only she and I are relatively closer, but still we live 1 hour drive apart. She is married and I am not. She works from home and my job is flexible enough that I can get out early any day when needed as long as there is no meetings that I have to be present for.
So she and I have developed a habit where either I drive to her part of city where we meet and have lunch and then drive back to my part of city where we just go around, have ice cream or coffee and then my home and her husband comes to pick her up from my home. Or, she comes to my part of the city, her husband drops her off (her husband works like 15 to 20 minutes drive from the place we usually hang out around) and I take half day off and we hang out till her husband comes and picks her up. She doesnot drive. Other than doing this 2-3 times a month, we also talk on phone like maximum 30 minutes, 2 to 3 times a week.
Now, about her husband, he is a really good person, but we aren't really 'friends' or anything, just casual hi-hellos only, but one of his closest friends is a really good friend of mine. Turns out he talked about how he has to go out of his way everytime me and May want to meet to the mutual friend... It is true that my house is little out of the way and the road and traffic here are both shitty, but he could have told that directly to me? or his wife? I mean I think my friend knows he doesnot like it because she will be like 'he'll have to do at least this for me'. I mean just a single line of 'hey, can you guys hang out at \_\_ area instead of going home, I don't want to come here' would have been enough.
My boyfriend is pretty chill about stuff like this, so he was like 'if you all find it difficult to drive, I'll drive May to her husband's office when you're done hanging out', so I asked another married friend of ours and she said it might be the husband doesnot like that we hang out so much from the long phone calls to dates (she used this word) multiple times a month and I am taking too much of May's time... But when we hang out May's husband is at office? Now I'm just confused and am wondering if I am the a-hole. | Sometimes you just vent to a friend but it's not that big of a deal. Seems like he's willing to do this for his wife. It could still be frustrating. I dont think YTA, but maybe just switch it up a bit and stick closer to him. We've all had bad days and a long drive afterwards can be irritating. I don't know that I'd make a big deal of it yet. |
AITAH for not paying my half of rent | Context:
I moved in (2 bed 2 bath) with a new friend a few years ago on a temporary basis while searching for a 1 bed flat. Our initial agreement was that it was temporary and I could leave and give a single day’s notice and she could ask me to leave immediately. We also agreed to split the £3000 a month rent in the middle during my stay.
This was reasonable given we were newly friends and didn’t know each other that well and were both a big skeptical and because I had family in the city I could stay with and she didn’t needed my share of the rent because her dad paid for it.
We enjoyed living together so much that we decided to make it permanent.
I asked to be added on the tenancy so I would have rights and protection. This was agreed verbally, but she never made any moves to action this. Initially I thought nothing of it, but after about 2 months I started pestering her weekly for an update regarding the tenancy change and she would make various excuses like:
- sorry I forgot, will send an email tomorrow
- oh yes I sent an email but no reply I’ll chase
- oh it’s so weird they must be so busy, no replies after weeks
In all of this she never showed me the emails or cc’d me. This went on for months. Eventually I sat her down and had a serious conversation about the abnormal handling of the situation. I also highlighted that new amenities in the building were being opened but access was by fingerprint and unless I was on the tenancy I couldn’t get access. The rent had also increased a couple of months earlier as a result of the new amenities which I was paying but no access in sight for me.
During this conversation I was really blunt and shared my irritation and she finally admitted that she was claiming housing benefits for her child (who was born in the UK but lived abroad with her family) and she was getting around £800 a month in housing benefits (not to mention other benefits as well).
She said that she couldn’t add me to the tenancy without losing her benefits.
I was really shocked and disappointed. I felt deceived and robbed of the opportunity to live in a reasonable way (months earlier I lined up a perfect 1 bed flat and she convinced me to stay with her knowing I would never be a legal tenant, afforded the same rights or protections etc). At this point we had lived together for around 7 months and everything was perfect barring the odd behaviour surrounding the tenancy.
I wanted to leave, but the property was perfect (and dog friendly, which at the time wasn’t so easy to come by) and the rent was cheap compared to comparable properties in a similar area. It was also a very safe area and I had a lot of peace living there.
In the end I decided to stay but it wasn’t really a decision I made, I just kinda never left. But my rent was never adjusted to reflect her fraud (which is fine I never expected that, but typically people in these situations do that) and my rent also wasn’t adjusted to reflect my lack of access to amenities.
We agreed to maintain our original agreement with regards to my stay there given I wasn’t on the tenancy.
I was frequently inconvenienced as I had to do everything through her.
Fast forward 18 months later and I had a fairly disastrous situation happen to me which I won’t go into which resulted in me needing to move in with my family for support. I informed her and she was fine with it but disappointed she also lightly tried to convince me to stay but my mind was made.
After a few days we spoke on the phone where she claimed that it was unfair that I was leaving early and I should at least pay rent until the renewal date. (3 months in the future). I kindly reminded her that the renewal date wasn’t really my concern given I’m not a tenant and I also reminded her that I can end the agreement at anytime. I also questioned why she was so bent up about it given she has no financial liability. Her dad pays her rent and at the beginning he still paid her rent so she was actually pocketing the money I was paying lol.
She got very upset and went on a smart campaign against me with mutual friends and co workers (we used to work at the same company but I had left by the time this issue arose).
I ended up going to the property to pack my things and paid for the days I was there (she was abroad at the time so no awkwardness).
I forgot to mention, in social settings when people would comment on how impulsively we moved in together, my ex housemate would often make comments like: ‘well if I wanted her out she’d be out so it wasn’t a risk really’. Or some variation of that. Which would hurt my feelings and make me feel little, but shamefully I never confronted her on this.
Anyway, all of this happened a few months ago but it comes in my mind often and I do wonder if I was the AH in this situation? Or if I have overlooked something?
We have blocked each other and I actually lost a mutual friend who i felt was on my ex housemates side even though she claimed to be impartial.
I guess although she was sometimes a bad friend she was also a lot of times a really good friend and I feel frustrated that the situation escalated to a point that ended out friendship.
| Situation where the trust quietly eroded over time and by the end the conflict was less about rent and more about realizing the arrangement had never been as mutual or secure as it felt. NTAH. |
AITAH for taking my tip back after grocery delivery | For context, I am sick. I have a high fever but I needed some groceries, so I ordered delivery from Walmart. If I weren't sick, I would have gone to the store. I finally get the notification that my groceries were delivered. My condo is on the 3rd floor. I get the delivery picture and it shows they placed all the groceries (not even in bags) on my neighbors patio downstairs. So now I have to get dressed, get a bag, go outside and go onto their patio to pack up my groceries. Not the end of the world but definitely annoying and not what I wanted to do when I have a fever of 102°. So AITAH for taking back my tip? | NTA. You are better than I am. If I was that sick, I would have reported them as delivered to wrong address |
WIBTAH if I break up with him even after he was very remorseful and promised to do better? | TLDR; since the beginning, my (28F) partner (35M) of 8 months consistently brought up his ex wife. Frequency: multiple times a week to fortnightly. Comments would range from comparison of sex, our appearance and our personalities to telling me the negatives of their relationship, how much his friends and family don’t like her now, etc. Literally anything and everything. 3 days ago I brought it up with him because I was at my breaking point. He was so apologetic - very tearful, regretful and promised to never do it again and that he was focused on building a future with me. But now, I’m still so hurt, and I’m not sure if this is salvageable.
——————————
The TLDR pretty much encompasses the main facts. But I wanted to delve into things further.
We’ve been together 8 months. Him and his wife split 18 months ago. They’d been together 15 years. She was a serial cheater unfortunately. They are divorced and he is paying alimony and they also still share a dog. He finds this all very frustrating.
This is my first relationship. I also lost my virginity to him. I look back now and see that I am/ was probably totally in over my head.
He’s talked about his ex consistently since the beginning of our relationship. The frequent comparisons he made were always in my favour but were very hurtful to me nonetheless. Sometimes he’d say stuff right after intimacy, and those burned the most, because it made me feel his mind actually wasn’t with me during sex and those special times (even more special to me because they were all new) but were on himself or his ex. I think he became too comfortable with me, or saw me as a therapist because I’m a very tolerant and supportive person. He’d tell me when he had dreams about her, or whatever his friends and family were saying about her, or the things that reminded him of her in his everyday life (people he met for example, or any overlap in hobbies, etc). He’d bring her up 1-2 times a week, consistently. The past and present frustrations, her family and how he feels about all of them, the fact she was seeing new people, how much she changed across their relationship, etc.
I accept that I tolerated this for over 8 months, that’s my responsibility. I should’ve spoken up far sooner. I’m dealing with my avoidance, conflict aversion and people pleasing tendencies. I let myself down there and I will show up for myself better in the future. I finally brought things up 3 days ago.
Next to say is, he truly was remorseful. I was rattled by his reaction. I expected him to say sorry but it was obvious he didn’t truly realise what he was doing. Facing what he’d done and the impact it’s had on me had him extremely upset and crying. He’s not a nasty person. He’s a loving, kind and gentle man. Of course, that doesn’t mean his words and actions have had no impact.
Now, after the come-down of it all; the emotional confrontation, the apologies, the promises to show up better and take the action needed to heal and move on properly, I’m just a puddle of tiredness. I just feel I can’t be bothered with this anymore. I love him dearly, more than I ever knew was possible, but this just has not ever felt healthy when I really think about it. We’ve had amazing highs and beautiful shared moments together, but I’m just feeling so hurt right now. I can’t see how we can rebuild from here? I can’t see how I’m ever going to actually finally feel like I’m chosen, like I’m first, like I’m the only girl in the world when there’s been a ghost of his ex-wife in our relationship this whole time. But I feel guilty at the idea of walking away when I only told him a few days ago (even though he should’ve known better) and given him no time to actually make it right. Thing is though, how can he make it right? What can even be done? It feels like the damage has been done, and it’s too little too late. He’s only stopping because I asked him to, not because he realised things himself, or was actually healed and ready to move on fully and healthily.
WIBTAH if I choose to walk away? Should I just calm down, wait a bit and let him show me he can show up for me and love me in the way that I need? | Walk away. I think hes just desperate to have a partner and prove to himself that "look, i can be loved." as a coping mechanism due to his wife of 15 years cheating on him. Maybe he loved you, maybe he didnt. But one thing for sure is he def isnt stable. Walk away and never look back |
AITAH for telling my son not to let his cousin win a game of Monopoly? | My wife and I were at his brother's house. She and her sister-in-law were in the living room with the young kids, and I was with my son, brother-in-law, niece and nephew playing Monopoly in the dining room. My son is ten years old and has anxiety. He's a big people pleaser and always wants to make everyone happy.
My nephew had two pink properties. My son landed on the third pink property. My nephew told him not to buy it (so it will go up for auction) because he can't do anything with it, and it will be a waste. I told my son that it might be a good investment because he can trade for something he wants or sell it for more than he paid for it. My nephew yelled that you can't sell a property for more than you paid for it. I told him that you can, but that it was my son's decision. My son said \[nephew\] really wanted the card and he didn't want to be mean. I said it's not mean because it's just a game and all in good fun, and that's how the game is played.
My son bought the property, and my nephew was seething. He offered him a bad trade, and I advised my son not to take it. My nephew then got pissed and ran to the living room to complain to his mom. My brother-in-law said "I hope you are happy with yourself." I objected, but he said I was too competitive and couldn't stand for his kid to do better in the game than my kid. I said I don't care who wins, but I always give my son advice when we play boardgames at home because that's how they improve. He said they don't do that in his house.
My wife came in and asked what happened. I said \[nephew\] was mad because his trade got rejected. Brother-in-law told her "your husband can't handle it for a kid to win Monopoly." I said no, but I can give my kid advice. If he wants to take the trade, that's fine, but he should know it's a bad deal. My brother-in-law started arguing, and my wife said we should just go. I said "over a game of Monopoly?" She said apparently.
We get in the car. Our son is upset at this point because he feels like he did something wrong and he should have given his cousin the property. I feel like an ass, because it's just Monopoly. My wife asks for the play by play. She said she can't believe that her nephew lost his mind simply because I gave our son advice and there must have been something else going on, maybe stress at school. She said it is a misunderstanding and no one is to blame. I am still wondering if I'm the ass though, because it's just a board game and maybe I should have been quiet and let things play out. | Umm I pretty sure your nephew doesn’t know how to lose. Time for BIL and SIL to raise their children better. |
WIBTAH if I went on a trip while my stepfather has cancer? | Hello everyone,
This week my stepfather found out he might have cancer. He had an exam done and they took a sample for biopsy but the doctor thinks the cells are cancerous. We will only know the results in 3 weeks.
As expected my mother and stepfather are extremely concerned and so am I, I told them I would support them with anything they need any time.
My boyfriend and I have been saving up for an out of country trip for valentines day weekend this year. It's the first opportunity to leave the country and decompress a bit in a few years, since we've been struggling financially and I've been struggling with my mental health.
I feel extremely guilty about even contemplating going though, because by then we will know the results and I need to be there for my mom, even if it's just a weekend.
WIBTA if I went on the trip? | NTAH. Holding space for your family while also allowing yourself a short break isn’t a lack of care. |
My Mom Hits Me During Arguments and This Time I Reacted, AITAH? | TL;DR: I 17M live with a verbally and sometimes physically abusive mom (52F). After a recent argument, Mom punched first and I hit back in self-defense. Mom refuses to apologize and threatens consequences. I feel unsafe, unsure how to protect myself or involve authorities, and want advice on coping until leaving for college.
This is a throwaway account. I'm not a bot, I just don’t want this tied to my main. Also, I will be posting on most of the "help" style subreddits so I can get as much feedback and advice as possible.
My mom (52F) and I (17M) live alone. We don’t have family or close friends nearby. She has a history of being verbally abusive, which happens regularly, and physically abusive on occasion. I’m a senior in high school, and I’m leaving for college next fall. A few people I’ve talked to have told me to just wait it out and try to avoid her, but that’s been nearly impossible. She inserts herself into almost everything I do, so even keeping to myself turns into a problem.
Earlier today, we were sitting on the couch and got into a verbal argument. At some point I called her a name, which I know was wrong. In response, she punched me in the shoulder. I reacted instinctively and hit/shoved her back. She immediately stood up, got in my face, started screaming about how I should never hit my mother or a woman, and threatened to call the police. This isn't the first time she’s gotten physical with me or threatened to call the police on me. It’s something she does whenever she’s angry or wants to scare me into backing down. However, this is the first time I’ve ever responded physically. In the past, I have never reacted at all and usually retreat to my room, but this time I guess my brain just chose fight over flight.
I apologized for calling her a name but she brushed it off and said something like “whatever.” I then asked her to apologize for hitting me. She said no, and told me she would do it again and that if anything, I should apologize for hitting her. I told her I wouldn't apologize for that, as it was instinctual and an act of self-defense. I then tried to explain that while I understood name calling was wrong, I didn’t justify her punching me. She told me to stop “talking back,” or she would take my phone and cancel my phone plan/number.
I’m currently in my room upstairs, in tears and hiding as I write this. I’m honestly at a loss for what to do. I don’t know what options I have as a minor, I don’t know if involving authorities would make things worse, and I don’t know how to get through the next several months without things escalating again.
I do have a school counselor and a teacher I’m close with, but my mom is in regular contact with both of them. Because of that, I don’t feel safe bringing this specific issue to them, and I’m worried it would get back to her and make things worse.
Apologies if anything I said was confusing or unclear. This is a very emotional time for me right now. I’ll do my best to clarify anything if needed. Any advice or perspective would be appreciated. I’m especially looking for advice on how to protect myself, cope with her behavior until I leave for college, and navigate any legal or school-related options as a minor. | [removed] |
AITAH for being hit in the face by a brownie | I’ll start by saying this was months ago but is a reoccurring “argument” in our relationship. But it’s a story we generally both laugh about. This isn’t a high stakes AITA post. No flair really fits it.
Early in my (31f) and my boyfriend’s (27f) relationship last year, I was taking a nap at home. He was supposed to come over later and I thought I’d get a few Zs in first.
Well, I overslept. But I did wake up when I heard my door open and started sitting up to greet him…but then I got hit DIRECTLY IN THE FACE by a hard object in a paper bag. He had thrown a brownie he had gotten me at my face.
I knew immediately that it was an accident. That wasn’t the reason I was mad. I was mad because this man just went, “Ope” and walked out of the room. He didn’t say sorry or ask if I was okay. He “oped” out. (Ope is a common Midwestern way to say “oops.”)
Again, I KNEW it was an accident. I just wanted him to show a little concern after I almost had my nose broken by a baked good.
Here’s his perspective. He says he didn’t throw the brownie; he TOSSED it. And I apparently leaned into it when he had been aiming behind me. I started to get up after the brownie had departed his hand.
However, keep in mind, he was in football in high school and his definition of a toss is a bit more than the average definition. He disputes this.
When I brought up I was upset he didn’t ask if I was okay, he was like, “I SAID OPE!” (He did apologize.) This is what he sticks to to this day. It’s sorta like “We were on a break!” from Friends except without the cheating.
Also, he has made sure that I mention that I did eventually enjoy the brownie. It was apparently the highest rated brownie in the city.
So we’ve decided to bring this to AITAH. It has now been several months. He has not thrown any other desserts at my face. We actually moved in together recently. But this situation does come up in conversation regularly.
Who is the AH in this situation? Discuss.
Note: We have a healthy relationship, and verbal sparring is just how we bond since we are both in law. When this comes up, it’s not a “digging up old wounds” situation. We both laugh about it. I was very grateful for the brownie, even though it hurt my face. He did apologize later. I should also add that he has no issues taking accountability or apologizing. The entire reason this became a joke and not a serious problem was that it was an awkward one-off. | Honestly, you’re not the AH. Getting hit in the face by dessert, even accidentally, is shocking! It’s completely fair to be annoyed he didn’t check if you were okay. ‘Ope’ is cute, but concern > catchphrases. Also, glad the brownie was worth it 😅 |
AITAH for getting mad at my husband about his dead ex-gf? | My husband (29M) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years now and have been married for the last 6 months. Prior to us meeting, my husband had an ex-girlfriend from when he was younger who he was with for 10 years. I’ve known about her since we first started dating and had no issues as I understood that they were together for a long time and she was his first love. Well she had left him out of the blue stating that she simply did not love him anymore. He was heartbroken over this situation then later on, she passed away unexpectedly.
Recently, he was intoxicated and we got into an argument unrelated to his ex-gf. Somehow the argument turned into him talking about their relationship. He emphasized that they were together for 10 years and that he still to this day doesn’t understand why she didn’t love him anymore. That he doesn’t really talk about her to me because ‘it doesn’t matter’ but that he still has nightmares about his heartbreak. Then he said something along the lines of ‘What can you do when the love of your life says she doesn’t love you like that anymore? Nothing. You can’t do nothing, just go find the next best thing’. It stung when he said that because he made it seem like I was just someone he married because he couldn’t marry her or be with her. Since then, I haven’t talked to him as I feel hurt that even after being married, he called another woman the love of his life. I just don’t know if Im being immature and having petty feelings but AITAH for giving him the silent treatment because of his past and his heartbreak about his ex-gf especially since she is no longer alive. | NTA. That's a really difficult thing to hear. I think you need to sit down and talk to him about it. Depending on what happens in that conversation, you might have some decisions to make for yourself. You deserve better than to be considered second prize by your husband |
AITAH- i almost broke our friendship. | context: there's this girl in my college with whom I'm very good platonic friends with. she's been a good friend since last year. she's of avoidant personality. not too much, but she has avoidant traits. we didn't talk much with each other until this year's june, since when we have been good friends. she has had an ex with whose breakup she told me after a month had passed to it, but i didn't think much since we werent close.
incident: just a few weeks ago, she told me that she wanted to tell something. she then told me about her breakup in a relationship she had been since july. i was furious at her for not telling me about that relationship. the context is that he's her ex from over 2 years ago. moreover i knew her bf from his constant calls to her phone despite me never have not talked to him. but i didn't know since july that he had been her bf. mind yall, she calls me one of her closest friends. she told me about this 2 days after her breakup w him. i was angry and in that rage i told her clearly that she broke my trust. i don't think that's entitlement that she didn't tell me that. i was really angry that she had broke my trust. she lied about him being her bf and not her school-friend. her reasoning is that "it didn't feel right because it's embarrassing that she got back with her ex. and that what if the next day she broke up with him."
and she told me many other things happening in her life but chose not to tell me this. i asked her why and she says "i was wanting to tell youuuu..." and blah blah blah.
i honestly felt like being treated like a use and throw person.
i didn't text her for the next 2 days. she texted back. and blah blah blah. she said sorry and it won't happen again and she'll remember it next time and "it wasn't intentional."
I still don't share everything with her but have forgiven her just because i think people should be given second chances. But I almost ended our friendship back then in my rage and everytime i think of this incident i still feel my anxiety spike.
am i the one acting entitled and was i being too harsh?
edit: we're both 18 right now. | INFO: This is one of those scenarios where knowing ages is important. How you each handled this could AH behavior, if you are both 45, but not so much, if you are both 15. |
AITAH for giving a reaction when my maths teacher made some remarks about another student? | Our maths teacher gave us a question which was quite easy to solve. Almost half the class had solved it in like a minute. Then when the student who gets the lowest grades in our class raised his hands to show that he had solved it, my teacher made some remarks which sounded like he was "roasting" or making fun of (accidentally I suppose) him.
"I am pleasantly suprised that you were able to solve this" "I am proud of you" "You get such bad scored and for you to solve even this question means that you are working hard" "your effort is up from 0 to something necessary" "you have my respect" etc etc.
This all seemed a bit excessive, especially when the question seemed to be equivalent to solving 2+2. I found this to be a little funny and I smiled (trying to hold my laughter in), while also making it look like I was proud of him too (i kinda was tbh).
AITAH for giving that reaction? What would be appropriate thing to do here? | ESH
Put yourself in the shoes of the other student which is probably trying hard.
For once, he is happy to give an answer within his reach and the teacher himself roasts him instead of valuing him.
Sounds like a crappy teacher and if you're raising the question, it's probably because you know it was out of line but you still got along with it... |
AITAH I sent my wife a separation email.. | So if you read my post 6 months ago and are curious, I am/did try to save my marriage. After a little over 6 months of sobriety amd weekly therapy for me and on and off couples work, I am tired.
She picked her own shrink as our couples therapist, which i questioned, it seemed unethical. But I went anyways, my sponsor and srink told me to go in with an open mind. The therapy seemed to he working, but one day the therapist told me to my fave that my wife should have left me. The next morning we got into an argument and I brought up the comment. She crashed out as my daughter would say, which when did they change that?, and went to her therapist and canceled the couples work.
Then told me it was my fault, that I wasn't doing the work, and it was on me to find a replacement.
From the work I have been doing in AA and my personal recovery work that she is coming from a pla e of pain and fear. That I was a verbally abusive drunk that took my pain out on her to make myself feel better. I remember things now working my 4th step that make me think that her therapist was right, but I can't go back and change it.
I found 4, all of which she rejected. Then she said her therapist was worried I was taking to long to find someone and wanted to know if I would go in and talk with her therapist to "work out your guys problem to see if we can continue couples work"
I was floored but just agreed. Thay was last week.
I went in and up front told the shrink that I never said I wouldn't work with her, and even if I felt that.way I would find a new one first. She was shocked, told me my.wife made a.huge point that I said I didnt want to work with her. I said I questioned the ethics of it during an argument and literally in the middle of it my wife drove to her and canceled the couples work.
Then blamed me for it. The therapist talked to me for 15 then my wife for 15. On the way home my wife was pissed. She asked me if I blamed her for canceling the couples work. I said I told my side of the event.My wife then said that her version of events should matter, that me mentioning an ethical question ment I was taking notes and not putting in the effort. My sponsor and my therapist know I keep a journal for the past 9 months.
She argued all the way home and I was just exhausted emotionally and broke down and did it again and called her a wh@re . Bad shit I know and immediately felt horrible. I moved all my.stuff upstairs. We own a duplex and its me and the boys 17m 12m and me 45m upstairs, and girls 8f 10f 38f . I sent her an email limiting communication unless financial or about the kids. I used gpt to make a neutral as possible one, just outlining loose financial arrangements and child arrangements. Only deep stuff in couples work, which is her shrink again. I called 2 or 3 local lawyers and picked a decent rated one.and told her.
She said I am an asshole for getting a lawyer and lying to her shrink. That splitting the money, planning for the worst and outlining rules of what can and cannot be talked.about in front of the kids is controlling.
So am I the asshole for separation and rule setting for my anxiety and sobriety and not hers? | NTA for the separation but but why the fuck is wh0re of all things the insult you jump to? You better not be saying that to your daughters |
AITAH for letting my cheating boyfriend and his best friends expose themselves at my birthday? | AITAH?
This happened about 4 years ago with my ex (both 30). We dated for 2 years and lived together during the pandemic. From the beginning, he often talked about his two longtime best friends, sisters Drizella and Anastasia, whom he’d known since they were teenagers. He always said Drizella was his best friend and Anastasia his second. Because of the pandemic, I heard about them long before I met them, and when I finally did, I genuinely liked both of them and thought they were nice. I had no issue with their friendship.
Later, I found out my ex was cheating on me repeatedly. To convince me he’d changed, he offered to give me full access to all his social media accounts. While going through old conversations, I discovered he’d been obsessed with Anastasia for years. Even while we were together, he constantly sent her sexual compliments, reacted to her stories, and flirted. She never reciprocated, but it was still completely disrespectful. After I confronted him, he suddenly started claiming Anastasia was actually his real best friend.
After we broke up and later got back together, Anastasia’s behavior toward him changed. At his birthday, she was overly familiar—calling him “baby,” pulling him aside, following him into rooms. My friends noticed. My ex said I was overthinking. She even started commenting on his pictures how handsome he was and how strong he looked, all of this in a public way never on DM’s
At that point, I decided I needed proof, so my birthday party became a deliberate setup to confirm whether this behavior was intentional or just in my head.
I planned a party with a strict guest limit. I told my ex I was not comfortable inviting Anastasia. As a compromise, I invited Drizella and her boyfriend and clearly asked for confirmation weeks in advance, explaining that if they didn’t confirm, I’d invite someone else.
Drizella never replied.
I told my ex in advance that if she showed up last minute with Anastasia, it would prove they were doing this on purpose. I also told him that if that happened, he would have to tell them they couldn’t come.
A few hours before the party, Drizella finally messaged saying she was coming—and added she’d be bringing Anastasia because her boyfriend was “busy.”
Exactly as predicted.
My ex told them they couldn’t come due to no confirmation and guest limits. Drizella then admitted they knew I didn’t like Anastasia and came specifically because of that. They insulted me and made it clear it was deliberate.
For once, my ex realized I wasn’t imagining things and cut them off. They later tried to stir more drama, but even their own dad apologized.
We broke up for good two years later. He’s no longer friends with them. Everyone now knows how a liar and cheater he was and confirm his friends were also really toxic within their friends too.
So Reddit… AITAH for setting a trap to protect my boundaries at my own birthday?
**EDIT 1:** 🔓
**Why now? Just ran into a mutual friend and made me remember everything so I decided to post here since I actually never talked about it.**
**EDIT 2:** 🙃
**I know I was definitely stupid to stay in that relationship but as I mentioned before, I create a dependency towards him. Also he was a very narcissistic person who kind of start making me believe I was going crazy, there was a lot of gaslighting, lies, and there were also constant promises of change which even though I knew they weren’t true I ended up thinking he was the only one that would love me. I also went in a horrible depression for all those years and he kind of took advantage of that. Also he always presented himself as a really “nice” and “innocent” guy and everyone believed it even my family. And since I never hide my character or ideas, they always thought I was the bad one in the relationship and I ended up thinking that too.**
**For those wondering what was the reason to finally break up with him, was that I decided to move out to another country and while I was there, he tried something with a friend of mine, who obviously told me everything. I ended up blocking him and we haven’t speak since then.**
**I’ve been single, working on myself. Of course I learned from that awful experience and now I’m very picky whenever I met a guy. If I notice any red flag I just discard them right away.** | Did you figure out why you put up with so many red flags and such obvious disrespect? |
AITAH for telling my situationship I like someone? | So, I've been seeing this guy on and off for about 3 months (both in our mid 30s). We slept together 3 times and other times we just hang out as friends. I was clear I didn't want a relationship and honestly, despite being very attractive, he's not exactly relationship material for me and he was cool with that, we could go on days or even weeks without texting and it was totally fine. Plus, at the end of jan he'll go abroad for work for 6 months, so again, the arrangement was good for both of us. On NYE we decided to go to the same party, some of my friends would be there, and we agreed we'd go back to mine afterwards. We both migled, socialized and talked to different people, he actually talked to a couple of women for quite some time.
Now, there is a guy I have a big crush on, but not sure if he's available or if he's interested (he was not at the party), my friends know about him and during the night the topic came up again and my friend started teasing me about him and we started joking. The situationship guy happened to overhear and asked about it, so I jut decided to be honest and say "oh, there's a guy I like, but he's probably already in a relationship ahaha story of my life". He didnt say anything about it, the night went well until late. At the end, around 3-4 am, he told he wanted to go home and didn't want to go back at mine, I didn't think much of it, I just thought he was tired and bit drunk.
When we went back home he checked on me, asking if I got home safe, we said goodnight and that was it. I was a bit disappointed that he didn't want to spend the night together but again, I thought he was simply tired.
Then the day after, out of nowhere, he sent me a series of passive-aggressive texts where he basically accused me of "being horrible for spending the night talking about another guy and wanting to go back home with him afterwards". I clarify that it was not the whole night, I joked with my friends probably about 10 minutes out of 7 hours😅, but yeah, from there the conversation went downhill and he became quite snarky and offensive, I'll copy the conversation here (OP is me, SG is the guy):
SG: Shame you didnt really talk last night
OP: At the end I was a bit cold and tired
SG: Think you spent more time talking about that guy you fancy than talking to me that night
OP: I wanted to talk you and hoped to have some alone time with you, but it seemed you wanted to talk to other people and mingle as well, and it's NYE so I didn't interfere
SG: No its ok, if you have other things going on im very glad i didnt go back to yours
OP: I have nothing going on and I travelled a few times to your town to spend time together, but at the same time, you don't really behave like you really like me or anything, so I feel free to look around myself.
SG: Thats what we call a Dog move. Especially trying to take me home whilst also spending the night chatting to your mate about another guy. no thanks. Keep away
OP: Fair enough, I didn't really spent the whole night chatting about that person, we also talked about you and the fact that you're leaving for 6 months, and you never really told me what your intentions or expectations are, we never discussed these things and I haven't even heard from you for 2 weeks before Christmas holidays, so I felt free to meet other people.
SG: Its called communication and you knew i was in austria. Stop trying to justify yourself.
OP: You were in austria for 6 days
SG: Yeah, nice
OP: I think you could find a moment to text me and catch up in 16 days, couldn't you? I understand you were busy and that's why I gave you space, although when I was in Rome I found the time to text you and in other occasions I was the one reaching out, anyway that's something minor for me, I didn't fault you for that but, when someone is really into me they show it, and I didn't feel like I was receiving much from you, plus no talk or clarification about what you expected. I was not talking for an hour about another person, it was probably less than 10 minute. If you had talked about a chick you liked, I wouldn't have said anything, I'm actually the one joking about you meeting other girls, which BTW you do all the time, I don't expect you to be on the bench just cause we sometimes see each other.
SG: Im not really interested in your excuses. You are just saying them to make yourself feel better
OP: Again, you're focusing on me without even reflecting a bit on your own attitude. I refuse to be treated as an unserious person, I'm very loyal and affectionate, but i'm not a charity, I'm not giving to someone if I'm receiving just the crumbs, probably we have different standards. All the best in your endeavours and future, I hope this year will bring you happiness. thanks for everything.
SG: Im done with this conversation sorry. Reflect on the night and stop deflecting... please...
After this he basically ghosted me for a week, I tried to reach out again asking if he was feeling better and if he was still upset and he cut me off with a "what do you want?"
So yeah, of course it's a shame it ended this way, but I don't feel I've done anything wrong here, I actually smell narc vibes from him (which honestly I already noticed before) and I don't really like being called a b\*tch for that.
So, AITAH? | It seems like he’s mad he’s not your only option but doesn't want the responsibility of being a boyfriend. You didn't do anything wrong by chatting with friends about a crush at a party since you've been honest from the get go. Just take the ghosting as a win, block his negativity, and move on. Life is too short to deal with bullshit |
AITAH: wishing my ex a happy birthday | It’s a lifetime ago since we dated, it was amicable and given the circumstances very mature, but tonight I saw my ex and her husband in the supermarket. We work in the same industry but she’s been on maternity leave, so I haven’t seen much of her this past year. We had a very quick catchup in the aisle as we passed one another. He walked off to go grab something and all I said as she and I parted was “And happy birthday for tomorrow”.
The daggers I got from her husband from 5-8 metres away as I said that … not something I’m keen to see again.
For context, we’ve known one another almost 30 years and dated in our 20s. We were together 4/5 years (she was 26 so I would have been almost 30), and as I say, the breakup was amicable, necessary and mature. She’s a 40yo mother of 3 who’s been married to him … nearly 7 years. | NTA!
You just showed some respect and kindness.
Her hubby is defo insecure, bc why would he feel attacked? |
AITAH if I leave meetings earlier? | AITAH - Hello, I am currently working with a senior colleague who always overdrafts any meeting and also creates collision with other meetings. He also often overbooks people and just keeps going on and on. So recently to give myself some break (toilet, coffee, …) I started leaving the meetings after they should have ended and come back 5-10 minutes later. Sometimes the meetings are already over and sometimes not. | You write a Slack/Teams message to your colleague in advance and say the following:
“Hi *x*, just to let you know I have another meeting directly after this one, so I have an absolute hard stop at *xx*:55. I’ll have to jump off then at the absolute latest, so if you need anything from me please let me know before then. Thanks!”
Don’t overthink it. Yes he’s clearly not prepping for and leading the meeting correctly, but it’s also on you to be organised. |
AITAH for becoming emotionally distant from my girlfriend after repeatedly feeling ignored? | My girlfriend (25F) and I (24F) have been together for about three months, and I genuinely like her. But lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m competing for her attention.
We’re in a tough spot financially, so going on actual dates isn’t really possible right now, which I understand. To me, though, spending time together at home still counts as quality time. I’ve had conversations with her about needing intentional time where it’s just us—no distractions. I want to be clear: I’ve never been the type to isolate a partner from friends or family, and I never will. But when you’ve been at work all day, or out with friends and family all day, I want some time together to decompress, talk, or even just sit with each other.
After our last conversation about this, she started telling me she’d spend some time with me before getting on her phone. I was honestly really happy about it. We’d come home, turn on music, smoke, and just sit together for about two hours—even if we didn’t talk much. It felt really nice. But that only lasted about a week.
After that, it dropped to about five or ten minutes. During that time she’s usually changing clothes or putting things away, and by the time she sits down, she’s straight on her phone—watching TikTok or talking to her best friend.
Fast forward to about four nights ago. We had just moved into a new place and didn’t have internet for a few days. As soon as the internet came on, she immediately got on the phone with her best friend. At first, I didn’t think much of it. But four hours went by. Then six hours. It was time to go to bed. She told her best friend goodnight, and her friend was about to hang up—when my girlfriend stopped her and said, “I’m not hanging up. You’re staying right here on the charger.”
At that point, I was furious. I had gotten none of her time all night, and now I was expected to go to sleep while she stayed on the phone with her best friend.
Since then, I’ve been quieter. I’m not being negative, just more observant and reserved. Every day feels the same. Yesterday, I noticed she was trying to be more affectionate than usual, but my mind keeps telling me it’s temporary. She has a pattern where if I’m quiet for too long—regardless of why—she’ll play around with me briefly to make me laugh, then go right back to TikTok or her best friend.
I can tell she’s finally noticing the change in how I act toward her. She seems confused and a little hurt, but I haven’t changed my demeanor. Usually, when I try to talk to her about how I feel, it turns into an argument. She ends up crying, I end up comforting her, and I’m still left feeling unheard.
So, **AITAH for staying emotionally distant until she actually changes her behavior for real, even though I can see that she’s hurt by my distance?** | You’re becoming emotionally distant after 3 months? Oh dear. That’s usually the death knell of a relationship much further down the line.
But wait, you live with each other this early on?? Are you speedrunning this relationship? |
UPDATE: AITAH for not wanting to get tattooed by my SIL | previous post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/rqBpYVurxI
so it's been a second since this first happened, and there's been quite a few updates to cover since new years day.
My girlfriend and I enjoyed our holidays, and once things settled down a bit we visited MIL personally. We had a discussion, explained our side of the story beyond what SIL shared with her after we left. Apparently full context wasn't given, but I'm not particularly surprised about that. MIL was apologetic about her behavior and even eventually agreed with us that it was, in fact, a shitty gift overall, and her siding with SIL so quickly was the wrong move to make.
That's all aside, however, to what happened after. I haven't met my SIL's family, but one of her sisters reached out to me after she visited them and shared all that happened. Apparently she had enough of SIL twisting stories, which she's been doing forever, and wanted to let me know what she'd been saying to her side of the family about us. Despite never bringing it up to me or my girlfriend, SIL tells her sisters that we've both been hitting on her and making her uncomfortable since she met the family, and called us homophobic terms, amongst other things about other members of her in-law family. My girlfriend and I have been together consistently since high school, and have only met SIL on family gathering occasions. I know for a fact neither of us have ever made any romantic gestures towards her. She's also never expressed being uncomfortable at all around us. As I said before, we didn't know her well, but generally got along well with her before all of this. Considering what her sister has shared with me, though, this is apparently common behavior for her.
So, MIL apologized to us, SIL is a serial attention seeker and liar. MIL doesn't intend to continue to invite SIL to any family events. I know some people really wanted me to give MIL the giftcard, and while I didn't do that, my girlfriend took inspiration and gave it to her brother. We've yet to know if he has any intentions to actually let his wife tattoo him, but from the sound of things, not many people are. Including her sister.
Hope y'all enjoyed your holidays! Happy late new year! | Ten guesses how long that marriage will last!!! Even her own family can’t stand her. Wonder what her husband thinks about his own sister “hitting “ on his wife? He already knows what a douche he’s married to. |
AITAH for telling a girl what my friend said about her after they hooked up? | AITAH for telling a girl what my friend said about her after they hooked up?
Context - This story involves 4 people. Me, my friend (who I'll refer to as K), a girl he has been talking to (who I'll refer to as G), and my co-worker (who I'll refer to as H). I have also been working with G for almost a year now. Everybody within this story is between the ages of 18-19.
So on Saturdays, I usually work from 12pm - 8pm. G comes into work from 3pm - 9pm. At around 12:30pm, I received a snap from a group chat that I was in with K and a couple other friends. The snap was of a girl in K's bed putting her clothes back on. Now at first, I felt bad for G, but only because I assumed that it was another girl. Then at around 3:30pm, after G had arrived to work, I had asked her if she was at K's house last night. She responded smiling and laughing, saying that she was. In that moment my heart had dropped. I had continued to look at the group chat to see the other people in the group chat refer to who I assume is G as "fat" and "ugly", with K responding that he agreed and that he only "cracked" to add to his "growing list". In that moment, I was trying to decide to keep this to myself, or tell G. I had to sit with this for awhile and wait for H to come up to where I was at around 6:00pm so that I could ask for his opinion. At 6, I told H about the situation and he too contemplated with the decision on telling G about all of this. At 7:00pm, we decided that the right thing to do was to tell G about what K had been saying. I waited till G had a moment and I had told her. I had showed her the pictures and texts from the group chat. At first, she thought I was joking, but I told her I wasn't. I was then called away from G to come and finish some things up before I left at 8. The entire time while finishing things up, I kept looking over at G, she was still dealing with customers with a smile, but when there were no customers, she was typing faster than the flash could run. She walked up to me and asked if she could take a picture of the snap of her. I said sure because I knew that the friendship between me and K was already over because I "broke the bro code". After she had taken the picture, I was franticly looking at my phone because I thought I was gonna get a text from K, but a text never came. But I got a notification from Snapchat saying that K had left the group chat, which removed all of his messages and snaps. I then checked if we were still friends on snap, and we weren't anymore. For the remainder of the night, G and I were just talking, with G thanking me from saving her from all of that, and me reassuring her that she didn't need any of that. At 8:00, I said goodbye to G, saying that if anything else comes of the situation, I'll text her. Nothing else did come of the situation. It is now the next day and I'm righting this before I go into work in a hour. I guess what I'm asking is if I should've stuck to the "bro code", or if I did the right thing in telling G
So AITAH?
Extra Context - At the time of writing this, me and K are still going on the same sweek (senior week) | NTA. Your friend is a huge asshole though. If I was that girl then I would’ve liked to know what was being said about me so I think you did the right thing |
AITAH Told my Matron of Honor to be my Bridesmaid instead | Hi, I am need of some advice and kindness. AITHA?
I sadly let my matron of honor know I believe she should be a bridesmaid instead.
This is my cousin, she is 28 and married. She lives in PA while I live in NY. She is one of the closest family members I have in my life. As I don’t have a lot of family.
It was hard to get her on the phone, she never answers my texts, and when we do get on the phone. it’s to rant about how narcissistic her wife is and how’s she’s only with her because she feels bad for her as she has no one in her life. Needless to say I believe she’s just venting because in a few days they always reconcile and are back to normal. Well I invited her wife and her to my wedding. She let me know the wife said due to them not having it for a cat sitter of two cats she declined to attend. Out of anger she turned around and told the wife that it was okay she wasn’t invited anyway.
This took me a back as it made me look like I didn’t want her wife there.
Then she told me how her car is getting repoed, she may potentially get a divorce, she doesn’t have a job, she may have to find a new place, as her wife refuses to leave their apt due to it being very affordable at 800 a month and a list of other issues she has going on.
I’m ngl. I felt bad, I felt like I was asking too much of her travel wise, money wise, time wise, and mental wise. I would never want my sister to waste her last to be my matron of honor. And for the record I’m not referring to my wedding itself but just the travel to ny alone to do some of these things would be money. an outfit, all of those things a wedding entails I felt she can contribute elsewhere to her betterment as she was going through a lot. so I let her know maybe it’s best if she was my bridesmaid because her problems come before my wedding. I also said I’d pay for her to come because I wanted her to attend but as my bridesmaid. She agreed but hasn’t rsvpd. All she said is our wedding hashtag is cute and it’s been radio silence.
It saddens me that I let her know this but wanted to get advice on if I was an a**hole for doing this. | Nah, you’re not an AH. You were trying to look out for her well-being, and that’s a good thing. Sounds like she’s dealing with a lot right now, so maybe stepping back from the whole Matron of Honor thing was a smart call. |
AITAH For telling my gf that her not listening to good advice is her issue | There’s a lot more context behind this.
Last night, my girlfriend and I were talking on the phone. She has this friend who constantly makes her feel dumb. My girlfriend asked a simple academic question, and instead of answering properly, this friend went to their group chat and mocked her, saying she’s cowardly, panics too much, and that they had already discussed the issue before.
This isn’t a one-time thing. That friend regularly does this to her. She’s clearly insecure and projects it by putting my girlfriend down.
I tried to help by offering solutions. I told her she could either confront the friend or distance herself by switching sections. She didn’t want to do either and said she has no other solution.
I told her it’s okay because these are relatively new friends and she isn’t deeply attached to them. She replied that she doesn’t want to leave the friend group because of one person, which I thought was fair.
While I was talking, she went quiet. I started comforting her, but she wasn’t responding properly. I asked what was wrong. She didn’t reply the first time. I asked again multiple times.
Eventually, she said, “Everyone will leave me. I don’t fit in anywhere. I think I’m the problem.”
I reassured her and said that not everyone is meant for her, that she’s precious, she has me, and she isn’t the problem.
Then she brought up a past issue and said, “You were about to leave.”
I didn’t respond much to that, but for context, I had considered leaving at that time because she wasn’t listening to any of my problems. When I said I thought we were over, she asked me to stay and promised she would change. We’re still dealing with the same issues, but I’ve mostly let that go.
Toward the end of the conversation, I said that if she wanted to get back at her friend, she could give her a taste of her own medicine. I gave an example: if she suggests going to a place like CBTL, she could question or doubt her friend’s choice the same way that friend does to her.
She replied, “What if my other friend wants to go to CBTL?”
I said it was just an example.
She then started screaming at me. I asked why she was fighting with me when I had been calm the whole time and trying to help. I told her I was giving advice and maybe the real issue was that she didn’t want to listen.
She hung up.
So,AITAH ? | NTA but I’d suggest she consider therapy to help her not feel so bad about herself. The truth is most women’s don’t want fixes, they just want to be heard and understood without always getting a solution given to them. |
AITAH for representing myself to a Reunion | I got invited to my high school reunion and decided to represent myself instead of bringing a partner. Everyone else showed up with their spouses or plus-ones, and I felt a mix of pride and awkwardness. I wanted to show I’m happy solo, but some people kept asking why I wasn’t with anyone, which got annoying fast.
By the end of the night, a few classmates were impressed I went alone, but others whispered and made jokes. I don’t care about the gossip, but it made me wonder if I came off as weird or arrogant. I just wanted to enjoy the night on my own terms, not prove anything. AITAH for doing that? | I highly doubt that they were gossiping cause you came alone |
AITAH for telling my mother that pregnancy sounds like a nightmare and I will not be having kids when I'm older? | Me (15F) and my mother (49F) had been very close till I turned 13. After that, I had to shift in with my father to another state. My parents aren't divorced; they live in different states. It doesn't really affect them because they had an arrange marriage and have a total of two kids. My elder brother (20M) lives with my mom in her state *(it is not unusual in Asia to live with parents even after you're married)* and goes to college there. I live with my father and go to school in his state.
Since the start of ninth grade *(my first ever grade without my mum)*, I have developed quite a few feminist and rather 'democratic socialist' ideas, and have become comfortable in my own self to some extent. I was diagnosed with anxiety in seventh grade, and was not really able to control it well, but with a few phone calls with my mum, it all stabilized.
Anyways, comes October and I get into my first ever relationship. He was a horrible person *(no he was literally horrible I could rant for hours about this)*. We are an orthodox muslim family, so this was not taken well. I did not only break it off with the guy *(which was inevitable, these things don't really stick)*, but I was also consistently shamed for getting into a relationship. I bit my lip whenever I had to hear all the beration and stayed silent, because I didn't know what else to do, and what else could I do anyways? *(A bit of context: I used to be in an all girl's elementary and middle school before switching to this co-ed high school)*
Moving on, that was when it started. Me and my mother slowly drifted apart emotionally, and now I am in her state for vacation. Day before yesterday, while talking about something random, I brought up the fact that I will choose to adopt rather than have my own kids because pregnancy sounds like a nightmare to me. She got pretty angry at that and told me that I was too complicated to be understood, and told me to be a bit more like my brother, who was laying silent behind me on the bed. This hurt, because the past months of constant scolding and taunting washed over me and I just left the room to avoid any sort of verbal fight with her.
I was then virtually dragged back in to the room by my brother, and then, my mother asked me to look up psychologists for myself. Admittedly, I hurt her by telling her I would look one up for her too because she needs it as much as I do for not coming to terms with my opinions and letting them go **because in the end, they are just my opinions.** We didn't talk much after that, and yesterday, she asked me if I still identify as a muslim. My religion is something I've struggled with, not really being able to keep up with the daily prayers and stuff, and she knows this. I just told her I couldn't talk to her at that moment and left the room.
Later at night, while laying beside her *(we share a room whenever I visit her in her state)*, she tells me that I'm trying to become too grown up and trying to seperate myself from the family. I tell her "No mum, I'm just setting up a few boundaries which I think are necessary in our relation." She told me that I didn't need to have boundaries with her, and I declined that offer.
"You need boundaries with everyone. You have yours with me, and I have mine with you." She turned her back towards me and slept.
Today, she screamed at me for not giving a maths test in front of her presence. My exams are coming up, and she tests me now and then when she returns from work, but I was done with maths for the day. I genuinely don't like the subject, and I told her I had already studied it for two hours in the morning and didn't really need to study it more. She yelled and I yelled back. Later, when I told this whole thing to my brother, he told me to bite my tongue and apologize. I told him that I wanted an apology too because my feelings were hurt, and I will apologize too if she agrees to apologize later. He told me to accept the fact that I'm aggressive and just do it. That she's our mother and can say whatever she wants. I told him no and he told me to bear with whatever's happening right now then.
I don't even know if this comes under boundary setting. I just told her I don't wanna have kids. I feel guilty now because I do think I'm on the aggressive side.
[Update: My brother forced a conversation with her on me, and I was forced to apologize. I did raise my voice quite a bit, but the situation turned on me lol. All her past innocences were brought up, where I had been admittedly wrong, and that erased the whole thing apparently?? Anyways, I had to apologize in the end. I never even got one back; is it gaslighting when she told me it's all okay to have made these mistakes, when I lowkey think I don't? Anyways, I still feel guilty :(] | NTA
your mom's mad because you have opinions that don't match hers, not because you actually did anything wrong. saying pregnancy sounds like a nightmare is just... an opinion? about your own hypothetical future body? that's not aggressive, that's having a thought
the "you don't need boundaries with me, i'm your mother" thing is a massive red flag btw. that's not how boundaries work. that's actually exactly the kind of relationship where you DO need them.
your brother's advice to just shut up and take it because "she's our mother" is classic eldest-child-who-didn't-rock-the-boat energy. easy to say when you're not the one getting screamed at over math tests.\]
you're 15 and figuring out who you are. that's literally your job right now. your mom's struggling because the version of you that's emerging isn't the one she planned for. that's a her problem. |
AITAH for cutting off my mother-in-law and putting my foot down about her behavior around my child? | I (23F) am married to my husband (24M), and we had our first son last year. This situation involves my mother-in-law (50F), who has had a complicated and often harmful relationship with my husband his entire life.
She was not very present while he was growing up. She was married multiple times, traveled frequently for work as a travel nurse, and chose to move two hours away from him when he was in 7th grade. Because of this, my husband was primarily raised by his great grandparents until he moved out with me at 20. Both of those great grandparents passed away within the last year.
My MIL has always made situations about herself. These examples are just some of many incidents that have happened throughout my husband’s entire life. At our wedding (which was planned on short notice), she made a big deal about “making it work” to attend because her travel contract started the same day instead of simply requesting an extension. She cussed me out the day before my baby shower over wrinkled tablecloths at the rental company, even though she volunteered to plan the shower. Two years ago, she also punched my husband in the face during a vacation.
Despite this history, when we had our baby, we tried to include her. She asked if she could pick our son up from his full-time childcare (my mom) a few days a week and bring him to our house before we got home from work to help us out. We agreed.
Over the next three months, there were consistent issues. She would let him take very long naps that disrupted his schedule, leave our garage door open for hours, leave messes throughout the house (food left on the high chair, toys everywhere), and make repeated comments criticizing our parenting—saying we didn’t wipe him well enough, that his diaper rash was our fault, or that we weren’t feeding him the “right” things.
She also became very upset that we are not raising our son religious. Despite us being clear about this, she played Christian music for him while she had him and told us we were bad parents for not raising him with religion.
On Thanksgiving, in front of family, she continued making comments about our parenting and bragging about how she lets him sleep however long she wants when she has him. I finally responded back, including pointing out that she does not respect our rules or our home. She began yelling at me and threatened to never pick our child up again—something we never asked her to do in the first place.
At that point, I told her she would no longer be around our son due to the ongoing negativity, disrespect, and refusal to follow our boundaries.
Since then, her parents have sided with her and painted me as the villain. Their response has essentially been, “That’s just how she is, and there’s nothing we can do about it.” Her mother even blamed my husband’s great grandmother (who raised him and passed away a few months ago) for my MIL’s behavior.
I finally told them they are part of the problem for enabling her behavior, especially when they have also kept my husband’s biological father’s side of the family away for years due to “behavior issues,” yet excuse everything my MIL does.
So, AITA for keeping my son away from all of them and going no contact until there is a genuine apology and a clear plan moving forward that shows they will respect our boundaries? | Your kid. You can do what you want. NTA |
AITAH for telling my friend why she failed her exam? | I (26M) have a really close friend (25F)
She had been giving some exams for a while to get into some very prestigious masters programs. But she didn't get through and decided to quit trying for masters.
She went on to completely change fields and start a small business. Said that while she loved science, it was too much for her.
While I dont think her small business will last long because it's a dying industry, I did my best to support her.
Yesterday, I called her to catch up on her life. It had been long since we last talked.
I told her I have been getting spam calls every day for the past few weeks. And was irritated because I got one as I was talking to her.
She responded with "hey! Atleast that's 7 more calls than I get! Good for you!"
I said "I've gotten way more than 7 calls. See? Your math is why you didnt pass your exams"
She just changed the subject and we ended the call soon after.
My friends think I was an AH. I tried to talk to her but she says she's busy and can't talk.
AITAH? | yta dude what the hell
she made a self-deprecating joke about being lonely and you went "this is why you're a failure"
like she already quit something she loved because it was too hard on her and you just... casually drop that in conversation? as a "joke"?
also the math was fine, she was saying she gets zero calls, 7-0=7. you corrected her incorrectly AND insulted her life choices in one swing |
AITAH for telling my husband I’m considering divorce after an argument about traveling without him? | I (30F) told my husband (30M) today that I’m considering divorce after a big argument. I really need outside perspectives. I don’t want to talk to friends because I don’t want to badmouth him. I love him dearly, but I need to be honest about how I feel. This might be long, so please bear with me.
We’ve been together since 2021 and married last year. We live in a foreign country, and since we got together, we’ve basically never been apart. We eat together, celebrate everything together, and spend almost all our time together. We love each other, but like any relationship, we’ve had downs.
Recently, I’ve realized something that’s been bothering me: he doesn’t support me when I want to do things that don’t include him.
For context, he is my first and only partner. I didn’t have any relationship until I was 26. I’ve always been independent — I used to backpack alone, eat out alone, and enjoy my own company. To him, this is strange. For example, if I tell him I ate at a food court alone, he’ll ask, “How can you eat alone and not come home?” What’s normal for me feels wrong to him, and I’ve been trying to understand his side.
I once planned a girls’ trip, but it ended up being me, him, and my three friends — not really a girls’ trip anymore. I understand that we’re in a foreign country away from family, and I’m basically his only close person here. He works from home and hasn’t built much of a social circle, while I’ve been here for 10 years and have friends across the country. But lately, it feels like because he can’t be alone, I’m also not allowed to be alone.
Whenever I plan something without him, I feel like I’m made to feel guilty — like I’m a bad partner for wanting independence.
Recently, he lost his job. I’ve been supporting us alone — paying rent, bills, and even his expensive visa so we can stay together. I didn’t complain, because he’s my husband and I know life happens.
I had a job opportunity during New Year that required me to work an event. It paid well and would help us financially. He was upset that I’d spend New Year away from him. After a lot of convincing, he agreed. I even arranged it so he could wait nearby and we could still be together at midnight. Luckily, I finished early — but it was still surrounded by drama and stress.
Another issue happened at my company Christmas party. A coworker asked me to dance during a fun group dance session. It wasn’t intimate — just casual dancing, no touching. My husband was there. But he saw it as disrespectful and ended up pushing the guy. We left early, and after that, my company stopped allowing plus-ones. The following year, he still made me feel guilty for attending, even though I’m a department head and helped organize the event. I kept updating him the whole night, but we still fought when I got home. It felt suffocating.
Now to the biggest issue:
I’m from Southeast Asia. Traveling to Europe is a huge dream of mine. I come from a non-wealthy family and I still help support my family back home. Six years ago, my sister and I planned a Europe trip. We completed visas, tickets, paperwork — everything — then lockdown happened and the trip was canceled. It was heartbreaking.
Now, our European friends (who are like family to us) are again offering to sponsor and help us visit. This is a rare opportunity, and I’ve been vocal about how much this means to me.
My husband is angry that I’m considering going without him. He says my first time in Europe should be with him and no “other people,” even though I explained these are my sister and close family friends. He insists that if I go, I should buy him a ticket too — even though he currently has no job and I’m already supporting both of us. Buying both tickets would drain my savings completely.
When I said I can’t afford to pay for both of us, he said, “Then why go at all? Why not wait until I’m stable?” He also brought up everything he’s ever spent on me, saying he gave from the heart even when he had less than me — and now I’m unwilling to do the same.
But I never asked him to spend excessively on me. I’ve always been careful with money. The only reason I have savings is because I plan and budget. If I pay for everything now, I’ll be left with nothing — and we’re already in a fragile financial situation.
He also says that because Europe is where he’s from, it’s wrong for me to go there without him, even though I’m not going to his hometown — I’m visiting my friends.
To me, this feels like another situation where my independence and dreams are seen as a threat. I feel unsupported. But I also understand that he wants shared experiences as a couple.
Today, after the argument, I told him I’m considering divorce. I feel torn between loving him and wanting to live my life without feeling controlled or guilty for wanting normal independence.
So… AITAH?
Edit 1:
I also want to add this, because I don’t want to paint him as a bad person. He is a great guy apart from when it comes to me doing things on my own, like the issues I mentioned. He takes care of me, never raises his voice at me, never badmouths me, and shows love through acts of service. I genuinely feel safe with him — except when I need to do things independently.
During our first year together, he was very wealthy. We lived a luxurious lifestyle. We traveled a lot and in a very fancy way. He covered for everything. I’m grateful I got to experience that, but I never asked for it or demanded it. I was still navigating my first-ever relationship, and I appreciated everything without expecting it. And when he later messed up financially and lost stability, I stepped in and covered everything without hesitation — because that’s what partners do.
Now, because he doesn’t want me to go on this Europe trip without him, I brought up that I’ve already spent a huge amount on his visa and I cannot afford to also buy him a ticket. That’s when he said, “I spent everything on you without hesitation because I wanted the best for you, so you should be able to do the same.”
But I am very careful financially. I save, plan, and think long-term. I told him I truly want to go with him — but I’m not willing to drain all my savings for one trip. Then he said I’m “not willing to spend on us” and that I’m selfish. He’s still clouded by that belief.
My head is spinning. I have a migraine from all of this. It’s been quiet in the house since I brought up the word divorce.
I don’t know what to feel anymore.
| Normally in Coercive Controller posts the OP tells us loads about what a great guy her SO is. OP you haven’t told us a single positive thing about this man. You KNOW he will not change so if you decide to stay with him you’ll have to put up with being stifled for the rest of your life. |
AITAH for telling my bf I would not marry him unless he stops drinking? | My (30F) bf (26M) was talking to me about getting married. We had a rough year in which his drinking has been esponentially getting more and more problematic to me up until I saw him drinking a whole bottle of whisky in 48hrs. We’ve had arguments about it since I have already told him over and over again I don’t appreciate him drinking so much and if he needs help he should seek therapy. He rejects my advice and keeps having the same attitude towards it saying he drinks responsibly to relax after work. The other night we were talking about getting married and I told him to seriously consider the idea that I might reject him if he asks unless he gets a better relationship with alcohol. For the ones that might ask me why I haven’t left it’s because he’s a good guy and I know he’s simply in a bad place right now. And I love him fondly I just don’t want to jump into marriage if I don’t see a change in his life (which will be mine if we get married). AITAH? | Daughter of an alcoholic here: Threats don’t work. He’s not going to change until he wants to. He doesn’t want to. Get out now. And do not have children with this guy. |
WIBTAH for not showing up for a date? | Like I like that girl a little we talked for about 2 weeks but my ex and I got into taking again after our meet in college. Now everything is complicated. I was out with my ex on that day and I forgot I had asked that girl out for date on the same day. I didn't showed up
WIBTAH? I like the new girl but I'm in messy situation cause I don't think I've moved on from my last yet | 100% YTA don’t string someone along while waiting to figure out what you want.. that type of relationship will never work because that person was never your first choice…break it off, save her the trouble.. and either work it out with your ex, or don’t. |
AITAH for wanting to quit after being called too sensitive for bringing up workplace issues? | Hi everyone. (late 20s, M) I’m a technical drafter/designer in a small office (construction/engineering plans). I’ve been here a while, I like my coworkers, and I want to do good work. This isn’t a “my boss is evil” post, I’m trying to sanity-check whether I’m overreacting or if the situation is genuinely unreasonable.
Text is partially written with the help of an LLM since my English isn't the best.
Lately the environment has become exhausting because the expectations are extremely high (“perfect” plans), but the workflow and communication are chaotic. I brought up these issues in a calm, solution-oriented way during my employee review, and my boss basically dismissed me and called me “too sensitive” for even raising them. That reaction is a big reason I’m considering leaving.
Here’s what’s been going on:
1) Constant project shuffling + “everyone owns everything”
Projects get moved around a lot. There isn’t a stable “owner” for many jobs, tasks are assigned, reassigned, and passed around based on whoever is available or whatever feels urgent in the moment. At the same time, we’re told we are personally responsible for the plans we produce.
In practice that means: I’m expected to jump into a project I haven’t touched in weeks (or never worked on), instantly know every detail, and deliver quickly. The context switching is brutal. It takes time to re-load a project mentally, find the latest decisions, understand what changed, and avoid stepping on someone else’s work. That time is rarely acknowledged, and the pressure is always “just get it done.”
2) Decisions don’t stay stable (site meetings → changed later)
We’ll agree on certain items in meetings and then those agreements get reversed later because something else became urgent or because my boss suddenly “sees it differently.” Sometimes it turns into a rush job: “We need this now, do it this way,” even if it contradicts what was previously agreed.
That’s where mistakes happen. When the target keeps moving and you’re told to sprint, you can’t guarantee perfection. But when mistakes happen, the blame tends to land on whoever touched the drawing last.
3) Templates and standards are inconsistent, but I’m expected to “just know”
This is one of my biggest frustrations: there isn’t one clear, official standard for how drawings should be set up. Different people use different templates, layer structures, labeling styles, plotting settings, etc. If my output doesn’t match what my boss expects, I’m sometimes told after the fact: “You should have used the template from Project X” or “Do it like Person Y.”
The problem is I’m not told that upfront and there’s no single source of truth. So I can do something that is completely reasonable, but later it’s treated like a “mistake” because it doesn’t match someone else’s preferred system.
4) Projects start without a proper briefing because the boss is unavailable
More and more often, we don’t review a project together before I start drafting. My boss is frequently out of the office or “doesn’t have time right now,” so I’m expected to begin anyway. That forces me to make assumptions.
Then later, when my boss finally looks at it, I get: “That’s not what I meant” or “Why did you do it like that?” Which leads to rework, wasted hours, and sometimes errors, because the foundation wasn’t confirmed at the beginning.
5) Public blame and dismissive communication
On top of the process issues, the communication style can be harsh. There have been moments where criticism happens in front of others, and it feels less like problem-solving and more like getting put on the spot.
In my employee review, I tried to bring all of this up respectfully. I didn’t come in yelling or accusing
I had concrete suggestions:
\-assign a clear owner per project
\-clarify weekly priorities (what’s #1, what can wait)
\-make one official template/standards folder
\-do a short “start briefing” (even 10 minutes) or written go-ahead before I begin a plan
keep feedback and criticism private when possible
Instead of engaging with the suggestions, my boss called me “too sensitive” (like I’m a “mimosa”) for bringing up problems. That stung, but more importantly it made me feel like the issues will never be addressed, because if you label someone, you don’t have to deal with what they’re saying.
Where I might be the AH / why I’m conflicted
I know every job has stress and last-minute changes. I can handle urgent tasks sometimes. I’m not asking for a perfect world, and I’m not claiming I never make mistakes. I just don’t think it’s fair to demand “perfect” output while also:
\-constantly reshuffling projects
\-changing decisions after the fact
\-having no consistent standards
\-skipping the initial briefing/approval step
I also feel guilty because I like the team and I don’t want to burn bridges. But being dismissed like that in an official review makes me think the culture won’t change.
I’m currently considering leaving if I get another offer. Part of me wonders if I’m overreacting or if I should just “toughen up.” Another part of me thinks: if your boss responds to process concerns by insulting your personality, that’s a red flag.
Am I the asshole for planning to quit (if I get a new offer) after being called “too sensitive” for raising workflow issues?
Or is it reasonable to leave when “perfect” is demanded but the system is set up to create mistakes? | NTA , you didn’t complain, you identified real process failures and even brought solutions, and being called “too sensitive” is just a lazy way to dodge accountability. Wanting to leave a place that demands perfection while refusing structure is self-respect, not weakness. |
AITAH for thinking my SS behaviour needs serious intervention and his bio mothers relationship with him is questionable? | Apologies this is a long one, appreciate any of you who can make it to the end.
I have been with my partner(39M) for over 2 years, he has an 8 year old son who I first met when he was 6. I noticed some questionable behaviours when I first met him but put it down to his age and having a split family. After two years, his behaviour has only gotten worst and I’m worried the way his mother is raising him is going to turn him into an entitled, disrespectful adult with no independence and low self esteem that will manifest in hurting other people.
Context:
Biological mother has him almost full time, we have him once a fortnight from friday to sunday afternoon. At his mothers SS(step son) gets special meals cooked for him round the clock, unlimited access to TV and technology, constant praise (which I’m not necessarily against but in tandem with other things it becomes problematic), mum carries him all the time (to the point that I swear he still can’t walk properly and is always falling over and stumbling - he doesn’t have any developmental issue), he doesn’t like other children and prefers to spend time with his mum, mum treats him like a king he gets back massages every night and most nights he sleeps in her bed with her and her boyfriend. Mum also constantly lets him call the shots, if he doesn’t want to go to school she will let him stay home, if he doesn’t want to go to see his dad she willl call and say he isn’t coming etc… He also is very mean, he constantly makes mean remarks and shows no empathy, has told me to my face he hates the colour brown and then talked about how my eyes are ugly (I am dark skinned with dark eyes)… his father even raised how his comments about my appearance were mean and hurtful and he replied “I don’t care, it’s just my opinion” and doubled down on this response regardless of how much my partner tried to get him to empathise, he is mean to his dogs and gets jealous when we call them good boy interjecting “no I am a good boy” and yells at them all the time, when his pet centipede died he exclaimed “yaaaayyy now I can put him in my room” (to decorate it), he treats me like a slave, demands I make him food, get him water, carry his bags and rubbish and when I say no he responds “I’m a kid and it’s your job to take care of me” (he now resorts to throwing belongings and rubbish at me or trying to trick me into holding them), he dominates the whole house (refuses to let anyone sit on the couch as it is HIS den for watching TV, when I try to take space he bombards me in my room and refuses to leave and my partner does not intervene rven when I ask him to spend time with his son). Another huge concern is that he has told my partner and I that he can do whatever he wants because nothing happens. This manifests in him constantly being oppositional to everything we suggests, even if it is something that he enjoys - seemingly just for the sake of saying no, his mum also insists on still wiping his bum and he refuses to do it himself even though he can.
I’ve tried to kindly tell my partner we need to have better boundaries with him and try correct some of his behaviours but my partner thinks he will simply grow out of it. I think not. From everything I’ve researched it seems like if this behaviour and his enmeshment with his mother isnt addressed he is likely going to be an entitled adult with dependency issues. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to sound like I’m over reacting but I think these behaviours necessitate intervention. My partner also wants to have kids together in the next 3 years and I have lost all interest because I am so fearful that his son behaviour could worsen and I could be looking at him hurting our future kids…
I am also deeply disturbed by his mother, she treats him like her substitute boyfriend. She calls him during our short-lived weekends and they will both cry about how much they miss each other, I find her nightly massages and sleeping every night together a serious cross of boundaries and on top of that she’s now been organising him to have sleepovers at her boyfriend of 1.5 years house without her. At these sleepovers his son sleeps in same bed as boyfriend. I also brought this up to partner and said this is how children get groomed and my partner snapped at me for suggesting his son could be SA’d… I understand my partner being upset by the prospect but I think he should grow some balls and call mother out for this. It is unnecessary for the risk, I don’t care how much she trusts this boyfriend. The whole tactic of pedophiles is that they groom parents to trust them so fuck that! Also when her son is happy to ask any willing adult to wipe his bum and give him back massages I would be extra worried about him being vulnerable to such a situation.
I’ve tried to encourage my partner to stand up to ex but he is demoralised and under her thumb as she relinquishes contact with son every time he tries to co-parent, make suggestions or question some of her choices around his care. My partner is scared to go to court as he is a recovering alcoholic and believes she will use that against him as well as being concerned they will sway her way because she is the mother. Further she is a psychologist and is very good at manipulating and weaponising therapy speak to make her come out on top…
Unless my partner is a complete liar the mother sounds like a complete narcissist with enmeshment with her son. She has treated her two daughters terribly and the son is her golden child that can do no wrong. I am so concerned for the issues she is already causing him and how that will manifest down the line.
Am I the asshole for thinking this child has serious behavioural issues rhat need to be addressed and thinking the mothers relationship with him is verging on sick?!? Further, AITA, for being completely exhausted by this situation and wanting to avoid any moment with step son and any conversation about bio mum when seemingly nothing changes?!? I am exhausted of keeping my mouth closed while I watch a child grow increasingly more entitled, disrespectful and mean. I can’t cope with hearing complaints about bio step mum when nothing ever changes! FURTHER, why am I the only adult who is concerned about biological mother allowing son to have unsupervised sleepovers with her boyfriend and AITA for pointing out this is a huge risk for grooming and abuse to occur?!?! | Usually I don’t read long paragraphs like this, but after reading the first one, I had to keep going. You’re NTA, but you’ve got to remove yourself from the situation. Your husband is weak, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. What kind of man puts up with disrespectful and entitled children to the detriment of his wife and/or other children? Furthermore, he doesn’t plan on seeking help or calling for support at all. His wife being a psychologist has nothing to do with what’s going on, it’s just a convenient excuse. I get that you love your husband and all that, but if you really want to stay in this marriage, you need to start setting hard ultimatums.
CPS is well overdue a call for this child, a welfare check is needed and he needs to be seen by a child psychologist who isn’t related to him. You also need to tell your husband straight up, you will not have children with a man who is too weak to offer any kind of fight against his ex wife for his son. Ask him why you’d want a child with a man who is scared to not only discipline his own child, but cower when his child’s mother starts threatening to use his past against him? He needs to start recording these interactions, he needs to go to court and stop being a scared baby, and you need to start documenting everything that’s happening.
You are at the crossroads of destiny, time to choose which path you’re gonna take. NTA |
AITAH / Was this my fault all along? Is it normal for parents to throw away things their kid made for them? | I’ve been thinking about something from my childhood a lot and I don’t know how to feel about it.
When I was a kid, I loved drawing and making things for my parents. But instead of being happy about it, they’d pick my drawings and most of the time they literally rip them up and throw them away.
I still remember sitting by the trash can, staring at my ripped paper and trying to glue or tape it back together. I was really young, and it hurt more than I think I realized at the time.
After that, I stopped drawing. I stopped making things for them, and eventually just stopped creating at all. It make me feel like I wasn't good enough at drawing, like I was doing something wrong just by trying.
The worst thing is, she hung up my neighbor kid her drawings, the young children in the family when they're making something, she always keeps it, she doesn't throw it away or rip it apart like she did with mine. (She still does this all)
I just starting to draw again, and it’s bringing all of this back up. I keep wondering if I was just too sensitive as a kid, or if this actually wasn’t okay.
Do other parents do this?
Is it normal to throw away things your kid made for you?
Was this somehow my fault?
I genuinely don’t know what “normal” is here, and I’m trying to figure out if I’m overreacting or if this is something that would mess with anyone. | What your mom did was deliberate & cruel. My mom was the same. In all the years at school, K-12, she never once had the time to see me in any extracurricular activities, not once. She died not knowing I ever played on my HS field hockey team. My brother, every fucking play, band concert, parades, every single time, and I got dragged to it. I hated it. I don't to my POS brother. |
AITAH for refusing to go to a cousin's bachelor party due to financial reasons and where I'll just know I'll be pressured to binge drink? | Hi everyone,
I (21M) am a university student currently living on a tight budget. My cousin (22M) is getting married soon and the groomsmen have all planned to go to a party destination for a week within Europe during the summer, so easily about £1k+ (about $1300).
Now initially, I said yes because I thought it'd be feasible but due to a final-year project, it took out more money than I expected. Plus, I don't drink to get wasted anymore, I only really drink for the taste and for a light buzz.
I reached out and said on the bachelor party group chat that I'm really sorry and won't be able to come and I explained the rest like only having enough money for everyday stuff like commuting. At this point, I thought I was done. I explained myself well and thought they'd understand.
Nope! My other cousin started pressuring me to go. Their reasons are "borrow money from people", "it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience". To which £1000 is hard to borrow from people and there's plenty of bachelor parties to come. This was like the first bachelor party to happen in our group. Not to understate the importance of the party at all, I just think their reasoning was just a bit mad. I explained further and said no that I am a student and I really don't want that kind of debt following me since I am already expected to pay back in college fees. I said that I was going to make it up by buying the groom a really nice gift instead which was the least I could do.
I thought it ended here since they stopped asking. Turns out, the actual groom personally made his way to ask my younger brother to try persuade me to go. It was getting absurd at this point because I'm pretty sure by then they already removed me from the group chat. Now he could've asked me to my face, but had to use my younger brother as some kind of messenger. I immediately shut it down saying no.
Prior to me saying no to the party the first time, I was already in hot water with them because I said no to attending their after-parties because of money, low social energy and just a natural urge to sleep in my own bed rather than some hotel's. Hearing from my own younger brother that they all don't like me or that they all have beef with me because I didn't go to the afterparties is already hard to hear because I actually do care for them, or at least did care for them after this.
There's more reasons to them like peer pressuring me to drink which is already an ugly thing to do and a huge reason for me to distance myself from them in parties. I was expecting my cousin's fiancée to understand why I just don't drink as much anymore or go to their afterparties, to which she low-key dismissed what I said and ignore me. More times this happened: Before my surgery, I was advised not to drink plus I didn't feel like drinking at all. When I went out with them and I refused a shot, she said "One shot isn't going to kill you".
That's how bad it's gotten. Now of course I wasn't going to explain to them that I don't want to binge drink at all because then they'll start shaming me and pressure me even more.
I already had some doubts with the destination because it was known for being a terrible place with alcohol and rowdy people and I wasn't in the right space/mind to go to an intense party environment for a week. Even if I magically come across a grand now, I probably still won't go considering how they've been acting.
I sought out other people's opinion, to which some people said I'm making cop-out excuses for not having enough money to go and others said that there's nothing I can do more. | You are at the perfect age to learn this mantra for the rest of your life: “Sorry, I can’t make it this time.” No excuses, no lies, no regrets. Also, stop seeking out your peers opinions. There is absolutely no reason to poll your friends or relatives. All it does is mess with your head. |
AITAH for planning a family trip and not inviting my mom? | My mom has been struggling in all aspects of life since before I was even born. She hit her lowest point about 6 years ago and it took her 4 years to get out of rock bottom. She’s still struggling, mentally and financially but not like it was a few years ago.
My birthday is next month and I told my sisters I wanted to go on a vacation to Puerto Vallarta and they were down to go. Well, today we were all hanging out and my mom was with us and I mentioned something about the trip and my mom lost it. She yelled at me and said I was “fucked up” for not inviting her. I said she could go if she’s able to but she just stormed off. I know the answer, and she’s not able to afford it and she doesn’t have a passport.
My sisters were defending her for being upset and said they would feel left out too. Which I get but I thought if I invited her, it would be tone deaf since I know there’s no possible way she could go. She doesn’t have a job or a passport so how could she, and it’s next month so there’s not a lot of time to plan for it. We made the plans on Christmas Day.
AITAH for this? | If she’s not invited for good reason then why would you mention anything about the trip around her. That was insensitive |
AITAH for wanting to leave? | This situation has had me bothered for a week now.
Im 16, and my girlfriend is 15.
***I made it very clear with her before giving her a relationship's commitment that I as an Amritdhari Sikh have been modest my whole life and haven't gave any wrong signals to any women in my entire life, So I expect her to be the same.*** Which she happily agreed to, replying with that she has felt the same her entire life and has never even thought about wearing revealing clothes.
She broke the modesty rule for around the fifth time, asking me for what pictures to add to her story and going against me always, using pictures I refused her to (she should respect it if shes asking me for advice), wearing Short dresses with transparent stockings, which broke my heart.
Am I the asshole for wanting to leave this relationship? | You'd be TA for not leaving the relationship. Leave so your girlfriend can find a decent guy who doesn't try to control her. |
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