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477,182 | 463,200 | 295,178 | 1 | Huh ? ? ? ? ! ! ! ! ? ? ? ? | Who the hell thought this was funny ? I'm not a Mike Myers fan ( I hated " Wayne's World " and " So I Married an Axe Murderer " ) , but a friend of mine dragged me ( kicking and screaming ) to see it . Obviously , I'm not the best choice to see this film but I tried to view it objectively . Well . . . I hated it . The film looks fantastic and ( with the exception of Myers ) has a great cast , but the plot is all over the place , the " jokes " are pretty stupid and Myers has a very unhealthy fondness for fart jokes - - there are TONS of them . They're not even remotely funny - - they're crude and stupid . I dozed off halfway through the film . . . I also noticed people walking out of the cinema - - that's never a good sign . There are a few cameos at the beginning that are slightly amusing but that's it . For Mike Myers fans only . |
479,258 | 463,200 | 218,107 | 1 | Tons of things wrong with this | A gay , small town cop John ( Jonathan Wade Drahow ) , moves to LA and becomes involved with a high-priced prostitute Hector ( Andre Khabbazi ) who starts him on drugs and circuit parties . In no time , John is hooked on drugs and destroying his life . The message - - drugs and circuit parties are bad . Gee . . . no kidding ! ! Very obvious , overlong , boring , disjointed . The plot goes rambling all over the place . There are way too many characters and way too many obvious plots . It's also way too long ( 130 minutes ) . As for the acting - - boy oh boy ! Drahow is horrible in the lead . He's too old for the role and his idea of acting is just grinning stupidly at everything . Even worse is Kiersten Warren as his best straight friend - - God was she lousy ! Everyone else was just as bad except for Khabbazi - - he was very good . He's exceptionally handsome , has a great body and is one hell of an actor . His character is the only one I cared for . There are plenty of handsome guys , great bodies , ample nudity ( no frontals though ) and fairly explict sex - - but you have to put up with lousy acting and a horrible script . The film looks bad too . It's almost worth seeing for the guys - - ALMOST ! Sadly , this is a must miss . |
479,435 | 463,200 | 87,985 | 1 | Stupid , racist , sexist , war-loving garbage | The Russians fly all the way into the middle of the US and attack . A small , untalented group of Brat Packers escape and fight them . First off - - it's incredibly stupid - - there was NO WAY the Russians could get that far into the US without being spotted . There are many other horrible things about this movie - - women are treated like dirt ; boys are told NOT to cry after their parents are gunned down - - what horsest ; a bunch of teenagers are able to hole up in the mountains and destroy tons of Russians single-handedly ; all the Russians are monsters ; it has an incredible amount of violence and it's rated PG-13 ; nobody can act ( I like Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze , but they're horrible here ) . This film does have a place in cinema history - - it was the first movie to get a PG-13 - - but that's about it . This movie celebrates war , violence and tells guys to be emotionless , killing machines . Maybe I'm taking this stupid movie too seriously , but everyone else seems to like it . I hated it in 1984 . . . I still hate it now . For war-lovers and women-haters only . |
478,319 | 463,200 | 122,561 | 1 | Pretty bad | I saw this back in 1994 out of some morbid curiosity . I was working at a video store which stocked it . I had no interest originally ( I'm a gay guy - - why would I want to see a straight porn flick ? ) but Bobbitt WAS a good-looking guy and I was mildly curious to see if everything - - ummm - - - " worked " . After half an hour I turned it off . The acting was atrocious - - the production values were nonexistent and NONE of the girls were attractive . As for Bobbitt - - everything looks OK but it looks like he was " short changed " ( if you know what I mean ) . Frankly I wouldn't do porno if I had as little as he did . Until this one " Debbie Does Dallas " was the worst straight porn I ever saw . This has it beaten by a mile . |
479,483 | 463,200 | 372,884 | 1 | Boring , stupid , unfunny and homophobic | Hunky Caleb ( Scott Lansford ) is a laid-back guy who has the hots for aggressive girls . He falls for Gwen ( Emily Stiles ) a VERY aggressive girl who only goes for gay guys . Caleb's roommate Kyle ( Jim Verraros ) tells Gwen that Caleb is gay . Gwen is immediately attracted to him and pairs him up with her hunky gay roommate Marc ( Ryan Carnes ) . Unfortunately Kyle is in love with Marc . Got all that ? It all culminates in a supposedly " hilarious " dinner party . Horrid movie . The plot is just old hat - - a straight guy playing gay - - how many times have we seen this ? Also everybody acts like idiots . At any time in this movie Caleb could have just set Gwen and Marc straight - - but he never does . Also the film has more than a few homophobic comments - - at one point Gwen believes Caleb is a virgin and says , " Shouldn't you try NORMAL sex before gay ? " That's not funny just blatantly offensive . The script is dreadful - - the characters don't talk like any person I've ever met in my life . They use this slang which is supposed to be funny but it's just confusing and annoying . Acting - - Lansford underplays Caleb . . . . but his character IS supposed to be passive so it works . He's also exceptionally handsome with a great body . Carnes is also very handsome with a great body . Too bad he can't act . And they both have a frontal nude scene ( which was surprising ) . Verraros overacts dreadfully as Kyle - - he comes across as whiny and stupid - - very annoying . But Stiles is much worse - - she overacts so much she makes Verraros look restrained ! She screams every line and is basically attacking Caleb even when he's dating Marc ! She also brutally tells Kyle off at the end and is wearing the most atrocious hair style I've ever seen . Caleb is attracted to HER ? ? ? I saw it at the Gay & Lesbian Film Festival in Boston . The audience did laugh occasionally - - but mostly they sat there in dead silence . This is a truly horrendous gay film . It's too bad because the two leads ARE hot and have no trouble showing their bodies . But I can't recommend this at all . The worst film of 2004 - - it's THAT bad ! Some people have called this the first of a new wave of gay cinema . If this is an example of things to come we're all in trouble . |
477,632 | 463,200 | 83,550 | 1 | Makes Part 1 look like " Gone With the Wind " | The original " Amityville Horror " was not a good horror film . It wasn't totally worthless either - - it had good acting , a few nice scares and a great ending . . . but it wasn't that good . Still , compared to this , it's some sort of a masterpiece . Purportedly this took place before " The Amityville Horror " which came out in 1979 . It shows a severely dysfunctional family with an abusive father ( Burt Young ) . The son ( imaginatively named Sonny ) starts hearing noises and voices . He also ( for no good reason ) starts an incestuous relationship with his sister . Then he slowly starts to go crazy and the voices tell him to kill his family . . . The story is by the numbers , the acting in this one is bad and the material is very disturbing - - Sonny ( who looks about 22 but is supposed to be a teenager ) seducing his sister is particularly sick ( and needless ) . The special effects are sickening , not frightening and the movie manages to be boring and sleazy all at once . The only part that scared me was when the girl was trying to run away from her brother ( who has a gun ) . . . and literally runs right into him . A stupid , sleazy , boring horror film . Avoid . |
477,719 | 463,200 | 52,718 | 1 | Good idea badly handled | I caught this boring film on late night TV many many years ago . The plot sounded interesting so I tuned in . Boy , was that a mistake ! I hate Westerns but I love horror movies - - I though this would concentrate on both genres . WRONG ! It's a low-budget Western all the way with a few mild vampire touches thrown in . The only mildly horrific scene was when the vampire was shown in his coffin . . . but that's it . No blood , no fangs and a vampire that can walk around in daylight ! Also very VERY dull . The acting was actually very good - - that's what kept me watching . So , if you like odd Westerns this is for you . If you're a horror movie fan , stay away . ( Unless you like boring horror films ) |
477,531 | 463,200 | 217,869 | 1 | Unbearable is more like it . | Spoiler ahead ! ! ! ! ! Very slow , boring , pointless tale about a man ( Willis ) who is the sole survivor of a train wreck . He's contacted by another man who is born with bones that break easy ( Jackson ) and is told by him that they they are alike - - just on opposite ends of the spectrum . There ! I've just saved you 1 hour and 45 minutes of tedium . The story has no ending , no point at all and bores you to death by drawing out every single scene to its absolute limit . Also there's a twist at the end which was real stupid and didn't shock me at all - - mostly cause I was so bored with the characters I could have cared less . Willis acts like a zombie the entire movie , but it's not really his fault - - the script is pitted against him . Jackson actually makes his horrible dialogue sound realistic - - a credit to this man's acting ability . Penn is excellent as Willis ' wife . She's not in the film much , but when she is the film kickstarts to life . The actor who plays their son is only slightly less annoying than MacCauley Culkin was - - take some acting lessons kid ! A truly dreadful film . Avoid at all costs - - unless you're suffering from insomnia - - this will knock you out ! |
478,523 | 463,200 | 202,677 | 1 | Dreadful | A 2 hour commercial for guns . Two morons capture a heavily pregnant woman , and hold her for ransom . The direction is good , but that's about it . The plot makes no sense ( I'm still not sure what a whole group of old men was doing in this ) , characters appear and disappear very quickly , the humor is sick , the tone of the film is very disturbing and it's just one gunfight after another . As for the acting . . . they have good actors , but they give the worst performances of their careers . Taye Diggs , Ryan Philippe , James Caan . . . all are horrible . . . and they're all very good actors ! A total waste of time and talent . |
479,429 | 463,200 | 118,688 | 1 | Talk about overkill ! | Batman ( George Clooney ) and Robin battle Mr . Freeze ( Arnold Schwarzenegger ) and Poison Ivy ( Uma Thurman ) . Meanwhile Alfred ( Michael Gough ) is dying and his niece ( Alicia Silverstone ) visits and becomes Batgirl ! Oh yeah - - and Bane is helping Ivy . . . Wow - - what a MESS ! I never liked the first two Batman films ( too dark and violent ) . The third was light but fun . This is just moronic from the word go . There are tons of bad jokes flying left and right from heroes and villains ( if Arnie had made one more " cold " joke I would have screamed ! ) . No dialogue - - just stupid jokes . I knew I was in trouble during the first big fight sequence : Batman and Robin are battling Mr . Freeze but are sliding on the ice he produces . They're on their backs boots in the air , click the boots together . . . and SKATES pop out ! ! ! ! ! Even for a comic book film that was ridiculous ! The plot is thin to begin with , but at the end it's just completely incomprehensible . Its like the screenwriters threw up their hands and gave up . The movie is always throwing things at you - - never stopping for breath . At first it's fun . . . but it wears you down . There's an entire motorcycle race thrown in for no reason ! GREAT special effects . . . but that's all there is . Also the homoeroticism in here is upped to a ridiculous degree . Can ANYONE explain why Batman and Robins suits have nipples ? ? ? ? And why doesn't Silverstone's suit have them ? Isn't that sexist ? And why does O'Donnell have a bigger cod piece than Clooney ? Acting is pretty poor . Clooney ( who admits that he hated the film ) looks uncomfortable and ( he says ) he played Bruce Wayne as gay . I never caught that though - - and I'm gay ! O'Donnell is drop dead handsome and drop dead bland . He plays Robin as an obnoxious brat - - again ( he did it in " Batman Forever " too ) . I kept waiting for Clooney to deck him . Silverstone is OK I guess . Gough is given nothing to do but look sick . Schwarzenegger - - he never COULD act and his reciting of the " comic " lines are painful . Thurman seems so totally lost that she got desperate - - she vamps it up to an embarrassing degree . Her lines were SO pathetic I actually groaned aloud and rolled my eyes a few times ! Only John Glover is any fun by hamming it up mercilessly as the mad ( sigh ) scientist who creates Bane . Big , loud and incredibly stupid . It's easy to see why this killed the Batman franchise . |
478,572 | 463,200 | 70,634 | 1 | Easily the worst Hammer Dracula film | SPOILERS I saw an incredible , pristine wide-screen version of this on video , and you know what ? It sucked ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I've heard it was a bad movie , but I thought with Cushing and Lee in it how bad can it be ? Well I found out ( unfortunately ) . The plot is , putting it mildly , asinine - - Dracula's going to wipe out all humans with a plague - - and feed on what ? The acting is OK and the special effects are decent . But Hammer totally ignores the vampire mythology it set up ! Vampires can be destroyed by water . . . since when ? The scene where the vampire women are destroyed by sprinklers was howlingly stupid . As said before , Dracula will exterminate the entire human race . . . so where's he going to get blood ? And he gets killed by a THORN BUSH ? ? ? Easy to see why this was Hammer's last . Also Cushing and Lee are good ( Lee gives this script a much better performance than it deserves ) , but Cushing looks painfully old . It was sometimes hard to watch him . All in all , even if you see a great print , it doesn't change the fact that this is a horrible , needless film . If you haven't seen it you're lucky ! For Hammer completists only . |
477,502 | 463,200 | 52,646 | 1 | Loved it when I was a kid . . . . | A scientist and his girl friend are out driving when his speeding causes a car crash . He escapes unharmed but she is decapitated . He saves her head , brings it to his house and keeps it alive ( ! ! ! ! ) . He then proceeds to search out models and strippers for the perfect body for the head . His crippled assistant watches over the head which starts talking and has a telepathic ( or telepathetic ) link to a deformed monster kept in the closet . . . . As you can see , this is pretty stupid stuff , but I had a certain fondness for it . When I grew up in the late 1970s , a local TV station showed this movie about 20 times each year ( no exaggeration ) . They showed it always on Saturday afternoon TV - - uncut . Seeing this on TV back then was great ! Explicit blood and gore along with a gruesome monster and sleazy sexploitation - - who cares if it was good ? Seeing it now I realize how lousy this really is . The acting is perfectly wretched , the production values are nonexistent , the script is pretty dumb and ( aside from the still pretty disgusting gore ) this is dull stuff . There's also a mild cat fight between two women and the admittedly great monster at the end . Also add in an ending which leaves tons of loose ends . One one hand this is an interesting example of a 1960s exploitation film . On the other its utter trash . Either way , it's not a good movie but is a must-see ( for one time only ) for horror and gore fans . Also the head's laugh is pretty creepy . Note the end credits which gets the TITLE wrong ( calling it " The HEAD That Wouldn't Die " ) ! |
478,029 | 463,200 | 78,239 | 1 | I'm ashamed to admit that I saw this in a theatre in 1978 . . . | and liked it ! BUT I was only 16 and I had never heard the Beatles originals ( I was a very sheltered child ) . I even bought the soundtrack ( which WAS a big hit ) . Then , a few months later , I heard the original songs by the Beatles and realized what a load of crap the soundtrack was . And a few years later I saw it again at a rundown revival theatre ( where it played with another bomb - - Spielberg's " 1941 " ) . I was fascinated and disgusted at the same time . Fascinated that ANYBODY would think this would work and get name stars and acts to participate ( this ruined Peter Framptons career and didn't help the Bee Gees either ) , and disgusted with what they did to the Beatles songs - - the worst covers were one of the Gibbs desecrating " Oh Darling " and Earth , Wind and Fire turning " Got to Get You Into My Life " into a disco song ! I'd love to know if any of the Beatles saw this and what they thought . One of the few people to survive with his dignity intact is George Burns and Aerosmith did do a GREAT version of " Come Together " . The plot was too silly for words and they used the flimsiest excuses to cram in any Beatles song - - for example , two characters are named Strawberry Fields and Mr . Mustard ( sigh ) . Worth seeing if you're drunk - - then it might actually look pretty good . Better yet , get a group of friends , everybody get drunk , pop this in and you got a real party on your hands ! Heck , this might work even if everybody is sober - - they'll be laughing themselves silly ! A definite must for all bad movie fans ( like me ) . Otherwise , this is one of the worst musicals ever made - - and I've seen " Xanadu " and " Can't Stop the Music " ! A true camp classic ! |
478,333 | 463,200 | 77,942 | 1 | I had ( blessedly ) forgotten this train wreck | Rich and lonely Trish ( Lily Tomlin ) meets and falls in love with Strip ( John Travolta ) who's at least 15 years younger than her . They both have issues - - but do they love each other enough to battle those issues together ? Believe me - - you won't care ! I had forgotten that I saw this . I was 16 when it came out and this ( inexplicibly ) has an R rating . I had always loved Lily Tomlin and wanted to see it . In fact at the time this came out Tomlin and Travolta were ( purportedly ) madly in love with each other in real life . It turns out that was all a publicity stunt to sell the movie . Anyways , I conned my mom into taking me to see it . Wow - - was THAT a mistake ! Talk about dull ! My mom and me literally kept dozing off during the movie . By the end ( which is REAL stupid ) I actually was giggling at how hopeless this movie was . It bombed badly and years of therapy helped me block it . But . . . it's come back to haunt me ! Tomlin and Travolta CAN be good ( given the right material ) but this script was just so tedious and dull that even they couldn't pull it off . Travolta is as good as anyone can be . Tomlin REALLY tries but she's hopelessly miscast . She only got the role because director Jane Wagner and her were ( and still are ) lovers . I ( sorta ) want to see this on DVD to see if it's as bad as I remembered . I've heard there might actually be a DVD release of this in the works . That would be kind of cool . A 1 all the way . |
479,193 | 463,200 | 101,026 | 1 | A sexist piece of garbage | WARNING - - SPOILERS AHEAD ! Some previous posters have said this film is a masterpiece and not sexist . Oh really ? The woman ( Abril ) is shown doing a really embarrassing thing with an underwater toy , is tied up repeatedly , threatened with a knife , gagged , hit ( quite brutally ) by Banderas and is constantly being verbally abused by him . But she ends up falling in love with him ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ! ! ! ! ! What the hell was that ? A woman has to be abused by a man to fall in love with him ? That's not sexist ? It's disgusting ! To make matters worse Abril and Banderas give such good performances ( easily Banderas ' best ) that it all looks believable . It all leads to a really stupid ending that made me want to throw something heavy at the screen . I see lots of movies and I've never been more offended than I was by this one . A sick , degrading , sexist piece of crap . Almodovar should be ashamed of himself . |
478,985 | 463,200 | 56,693 | 1 | A bad . good classic | Young , naive Bud Eagle ( Arch Hall Jr . ) travels to Hollywood to find fame and fortune . He meets sweet , innocent Vicki ( Nancy Czar ) who immediately gets him on a TV show . He becomes a rock star overnight and unscrupulous agent William Walters ( Arch Hall Snr . ) signs him up . BUT he is using him , giving him no money . making him drop Vicki and Eagle discovers that life in lonely at the top . You can probably figure the story out from there . Terrible by the numbers story offers no surprises . The dialogue is awful , the acting dreadful and the direction is just pathetic . Hall's singing isn't bad , but the songs themselves are mediocre and the way the singing parts are shot are hysterically funny . Plot holes galore in this one - - at one point Vicki invites Bud to a skating rink where there's no one else but them - - - yet a spotlight follows her along when she's skating ! A sequence with three idiots ( who make the Three Stooges look restrained ) " kidnapping " Bud is SO bad my jaw dropped ! This movie is so badly made on EVERY level it's absolutely fascinating to watch . I actually got impressed watching it - - it fails so completely on every level ! The ending especially had me in hysterics . Not a good film by any means but worth watching . A camp classic ! |
478,257 | 463,200 | 113,122 | 1 | Gay serial killers in love | Incomprehensible . It's something about a gay guy who may ( or may not ) be a serial killer . The film jumps all over the place - - there are flash backs , flash forwards , dream sequences all mashed together . Supposedly if you read the book you'll understand the movie . Well - - I haven't read the book and I don't think I should have to read it to make heads or tails out of the movie . A movie should stand on its own and this one certainly doesn't . It looks grimy ( but I heard that was on purpose ) ; the acting is truly abominable ( some of the guys are cute but that's about it ) ; the same actors play multiple roles ( which is confusing ) , and the dialogue read during the killings is just so matter of fact I didn't know HOW to take it ! And I didn't find it disturbing or confusing - - just dull and irritating . The only saving grace is Parker Posey - - she manages to take a nothing role and actually make something of it . She has lousy dialogue too but she makes it work . So - - aside from Posey and some cute guys there's nothing to recommend this . I give it a 1 . |
477,199 | 463,200 | 70,222 | 1 | What a lousy film ! | Some cosmic force is turning nice suburban women into " bee " women . To survive that must have sex . . . and end up " exhausting " men to death ! Naturally all the women are young and have great bodies . Interesting idea very badly executed . This movie cries for camp , but it takes itself very seriously . . . TOO seriously ! There's bad acting , needless nudity ( esecially in a sequence where we see a woman " changed " into a bee woman ) , lousy color , bad sound and scenes shot at night are so dark I couldn't make out what was going on . There's also a very cruel and tasteless attempted rape in the movie . Also there seems to be a message here - - all sexually aggressive women should be destroyed . That's misogynist and disturbing . This was rediscovered on video in the early 80s , and Siskel & Ebert listed it as one of their " guilty favorites " . This caused some excitement over it but it died down pretty quickly ( probably because people actually saw the movie ) . A boring , disturbing and sick motion picture . A must miss at all costs . |
477,153 | 463,200 | 65,377 | 1 | What a piece of JUNK ! | The first of the 1970s disaster films . A midwestern airport in Chicago is contending with a huge blizzard , a psycho with a bomb ( Van Heflin ) , a " lovable " stowaway ( Helen Hayes ) , a harried airport manager ( Burt Lancaster ) , his obnoxious pilot brother ( Dean Martin ) and assorted mistresses and wives . A big , glossy BORING soap opera . The book by Arthur Hailey was a good , entertaining book with complex characters and situations . All characterization went out the window with the movie , the plots were dumbed down and what's left is cliched characters and truly laughable dialogue . A talk between Martin and his mistress ( Jacqueline Bisset ) is astoundingly stupid . This is chockful of actors obviously desperate for a paycheck - - Burt Lancaster ( looks terrible and doesn't even try to act ) ; Jean Seberg ( really tries but the dialogue defeats her and has a HORRIBLE 1970s wardrobe ) ; Dean Martin ( appears drunk ) ; Jacqueline Bisset ( just stunning , but given nothing to work with ) ; Helen Hayes ( looks miserable - - somehow she won as Oscar for this ) . Only van Heflin , George Kennedy and Maureen Stapleton inject any life into their parts . Stapleton especially is heart-wrenching in a scene at the end . She was nominated for an Academy Award too but lost to Hayes ( God knows why ) . Also the special effects are pretty bad but were probably state of the art in 1970 . On the plus side - - there IS excellent use of split screens throughout the movie ( letter box viewing is essential ) . A big budget bomb . Critics HATED this movie - - even the actors in it hated it ( Lancaster called it " a big piece of junk " ) . However it was a huge hit and nominated for 10 Academy Awards ( it won 1 ) . I really can't recommend this . Not even good for laughs . Avoid . |
478,435 | 463,200 | 171,344 | 1 | Boring and silly | First off , the title is wrong . There are girls and there is a gang but they're only incidental to the story . Most of the movie deals with a bunch of very overage " teenagers " getting hooked on heroin . Purportedly this movie is supposed to be a warning against it , yet it shows them all having a great time while on it ! They're singing , dancing ( a sequence that goes on for 10 minutes . Why ? To eat up running time ! ) and having sex . . . so what it they're hooked ? There's even a sequence which shows - - step by step - - how to inject heroin ! Very cheaply done , all horrible acting with uproarious dialogue . Also the worst use of music ever ! Most of the time it doesn't even fit the scene ! It's really hard to explain how totally worthless this movie is . Not even bad / good . Skip it . |
479,142 | 463,200 | 330,602 | 1 | Horrible | Angelo Barberini ( Luke Kirby ) tells his all Italian family that he wants to move out ( at age 27 ) What he doesn't tell them is that he's gay . Then he meets hunky Nino ( Peter Miller ) a closeted policeman . They fall in love and begin to live together ( with separate bedrooms ) , but keep their relationship secret . Angelo wants to come out but Nino is dead set against it . Angelo finally does come out . . . and all hell breaks loose . Purported " comedy " is just horrid . This is 2003 - - do we need ANOTHER comedy about a gay man coming out ? ( Just for the record , I'm gay ) . That story has been done to death and just isn't funny or original anymore . The jokes are very obvious and there's tons of negative gay jabs ( all disgused as humor - - but nobody in my audience was laughing ) . There's nothing funny about the family's reactions and they seem way over the top for this day and age . I'm not Italian , but this movie seems to wallow in Italian stereotypes . Are all the mothers this cruel and overbearing ? Do they seriously expect their children to live with them until they get married ? Are they always yelling and throwing guilt around ? These are the same characters I've been seeing for years - - they weren't funny then , they aren't funny now . The film is colorful and Luke Kirby actually gives a very cute , funny performance . Paul Sorvino ( as Angelo's father ) isn't bad either and Claudia Ferri ( as Angelo's VERY neurotic sister ) has her moments . But everybody else is either shrill and overbearing ( Ginette Rene especially ) or bland . Peter Millar is TERRIBLE as Nino . He is tall , handsome and has a GREAT body . . . but he's so wooden and dull . I kept wondering what Angelo sees in him . Also , aside from one little kiss , we see no affection between these two men - - I didn't believe they were lovers at all . When they were being driven apart by their families , I could have cared less . Since they didn't seem to be in love , what were they losing ? Also this movie was leaden paced - - it was only 92 minutes but it felt like 3 hours ! Lousy jokes , homophobia disgused as humor , terrible acting and a ridiculously unconvincing ending which ties everything up neatly . A real waste of time . Avoid ! ! ! ! ! |
477,634 | 463,200 | 65,481 | 1 | Well acted but sleazy and slow | Silly psychological drama about Ma Barker and her sons who robbed and killed in the 1920s . Roger Corman directed this . . . it seems like he was actually trying to do a serious movie . . . sadly , it doesn't work at all . This movie has a following but damned if I know why . It is very well-acted but the script and direction ramble all over the place . Also I found most of the actors dialogue unintelligible - - they're all putting on stupid Southern accents which don't help . Also , the movie is VERY sleazy . Rape , murder , incest , torture , beatings , drug abuse , homosexuality ( portrayed negatively unfortunately ) . . . you name it . I'm no prude , but this movie rubs your face in it . For instance , the opening scene has a young girl ( about 13 ) being held down by her brothers while her father rapes her ! This is ALMOST worth seeing to see Shelley Winters chewing the scenery as Ma and Robert DeNiro before he hit it big . All in all , a must miss . |
477,473 | 463,200 | 65,478 | 1 | Just incredible | Young , unstable beautiful Victoria ( Maria de Aragon ) falls in love with young , hunky doctor Craig ( Peter Carpenter ) who's caring for her rich , sick father . She plans to inherit all his money when he dies . Then Dr . Craig is being blackmailed and needs a lot of money FAST ! And Victoria's father is near death . Did I mention Victoria was unstable ? Sleazy piece of garbage . The script is silly to put it mildly with a REAL stupid ending ; terrible direction in which characters speaking aren't even in the frame - - one whole conversation is only shot from the waist down ! ; annoying , horrid 70s music which doesn't even remotely fit the on screen antics and just unbelievably bad acting by EVERYBODY ! It's truly astonishing to see how badly EVERY scene is acted - - you just stare at the TV screen in disbelief . The movie is chock full of unpleasant characters , plenty of gratuitous female nudity and cheap sex - - including a hysterically bad sequence between de Aragon and Carpenter . As for the actors themselves - - they were all hired for their looks and bodies - - not acting ability . Virtually every female member of the cast has multiple nude scenes and even Carpenter bares his butt briefly once or twice . The DVD of this makes this movie look better than it deserves . The picture and sound are crystal clear and the colors are strong and vibrant . This could be used in film school - - an example of how NOT to do a movie ! Also this isn't really a horror film - - just a stupid , sleazy " drama " . Bottom of the barrel - - I give it a 1 . |
478,568 | 463,200 | 1,139,797 | 1 | Boring and silly coming of age story . . . with vampires ! | Terrible Scandanavian film . 12 year old Oskar ( Kare Hedebrant ) is bullied at school . 12 year old Eli ( Lina Leandersson ) moves next door to him . She tells Oskar that they can't be friends . . . or lovers . It turns out she's a vampire . Naturally they DO fall in love and some ridiculous complications ensure . This seems to have a lot of admirers but I can't figure out why . The movie moves at a snails pace ( I considered leaving a few times ) , is incredibly boring ( I was fighting to stay awake ) and the two young actors are pretty dreadful . The movie does a few things right - - you never SEE the killings but hear them ( making them even more disturbing ) and there is a nice music score . But this movie is just plain dull . I saw every single plot point coming from a mile away . The only somewhat original bit was what happens when Oskar DOESN'T invite Eli into his house . It fails as a horror film and a coming of age film - - it adds nothing new to either genre ! Slow movies CAN work but not in this case . I saw this at an art cinema where most films are applauded when they end . This was met with dead silence . Boring and pointless . A 1 all the way . |
477,911 | 463,200 | 83,722 | 1 | Why ? | Fist off , remaking a classic horror film is a stupid idea . Second : adding blood and gore doesn't help . Third : Neither does nudity . Fourth : WHY ? ? ? POSSIBLE SPOILERSA pointless remake of a great horror film . In the original Simone Simon can't have sex with a man - - if she does she'll kill him . In this remake , the woman ( Nastassja Kinski ) has a brother ( Malcolm McDowell ) and she can only have sex with him and not kill him . Unfortunately she's in love with John Heard . Kinski is not a good actress - - never was . Having her nude throughout most of the movie doesn't help . McDowell really , really tries but he's given nothing to work with . Heard looks miserable ( understandably ) and poor Annette O'Toole does in famous pool sequence from the original topless . Why ? So we could squeeze some more gratuitous female nudity into this . Pointless , boring , not scary . If Schrader is so interested in nude females , why doesn't he just do a porno flick ? See the original . |
478,549 | 463,200 | 256,153 | 1 | Bored silly | First off let me make something clear - - I LOVE Liza Minnelli . She's talented , beautiful can sing and act . I'm also a big fan of her mom . But this show just bored me . I saw the restored version on Showtime last night . The show was remastered - - the picture was as clear as a 1972 TV special can be , the colors were strong and the sound was excellent . Liza herself looked incredible and belted out the songs full force . But I didn't recognize most of the songs and she seemed to be acting in a REAL strange way during a bunch of lullabies . Also the dance numbers were just OK - - nothing special . The show only came to life at the very end when she did all her songs from " Cabaret " ( No " New York , New York " - - that was 3 years later ) . Basically I quickly lost interest and patiently waited for the show to end . I'm not sure why I hated this so much . Minnelli was superb . . . but I was just bored silly . I can't recommend this at all . |
479,676 | 463,200 | 118,423 | 1 | Easily one of the worst TV shows ever | Dreadful sitcom which has seems to have ( thankfully ) faded from public memory . Pauly Shore plays a man living at home with his widowed father . His father marries a hot young blonde who Pauly lusts after . . . but it's him MOM ! Predictable " jokes " and complication ensue . Truly sick and tasteless . Every single joke was unfunny and painfully obvious . This also has the dubious award for having more jokes about womens breasts than any other sitcom in history . I watched only two shows in utter horror . This played on FOX . I realize their standards were low but THIS low ? ? ? ? Completely forgotten and will hopefully stay that way . I wish IMDb had negative numbers . . . . |
478,807 | 463,200 | 65,553 | 1 | What the hell ? ? ? ? ? ? | Why is Mario Bava considered such a great horror film director ? He's done some great films , but for every " Black Sunday " there's five like " Lisa and the Devil " , " Rabid Dogs " , " Black Sabbath " and this film . This is probably his worst ( and that's saying something ) . This is total , utter crap . A bunch of uninteresting people are killed off one by one on an isolated island . That's about it . It's VERY badly dubbed ( even the sound effects are off - - notice during the fight scene between two guys ) ; the acting is wooden ( to put it nicely ) ; the plot makes no sense especially at the ending where all logic is thrown out the window ; the 70s clothes are horrendous ; there's needless female nudity thrown in and the WORST music I've ever heard in my life - - it almost never fits the scenes it's played in ! Even Bava's usual great direction is off - - the movie takes place all in bright sunlight - - Bava is at his best filming in shadow or darkness . Even the murders are dull . Pointless , stupid and boring . A total disaster . P . S . The full meaning behind the title is real stupid ! |
478,043 | 463,200 | 91,799 | 1 | Why ? | OK - - " Psycho " is an acknowledged classic horror film . " Psycho II " was , surprisingly , a very good sequel with an intricate plot . They should have stopped there . This needless third one has a bad plot ( which contradicts the second one ) , lazy acting ( Perkins was very sick when he made this . . . and it shows ) and shoves blood , gore and nudity in your face . The first one had none of that and the second one used it sparingly . Compared to this Gus Van Sant's remake of " Psycho " looks like a masterpiece . Some of the dialogue in here was laughably bad and the scene where someone sees Norman as Mother as the Virgin Mary was enough to make me almost run screaming from the room . Why did they do this ? Perkins must have been desperate for the money . Best forgotten . Probably the worst horror sequel ever . . . and that's saying a lot ! |
478,023 | 463,200 | 217,505 | 1 | Hopeless | Martin Scorsese once again does a period piece set in New York in 1862 . Why ? Wasn't " Age of Innocence " bad enough ? Story is supposed to be about a boy ( Leonardo DiCaprio ) out to avenge his fathers ( Liam Neeson ) death at the hands of William Cutting ( Daniel Day-Lewis ) . But the screenwriters try to shoehorn in every single event happening in NYC in the 1860s . There's abolition , the Union Army , the Draft Riots , bigotry , murder , immigrants , racism , robbery etc etc etc . It's too much for one movie to hold and most of it has precious little to do with the main story . More often than not I was confused and bored by these constant detours from the story . I twice considered walking out because I was so bored - - a few people did leave . Also the dialogue in this movie is horrible - - when you can understand it . Day-Lewis adopts a very strange annoying accent and DiCaprio unwisely tries to do an Irish accent ( which comes and goes throughout the movie ) . Cameron Diaz as con artist Jenny Everdeane wisely doesn't try . As for the acting . . . . weellllllll . . . what can you say about a movie where DiCaprio gives the best performance ? He's lousy but he's better than anybody else . Day-Lewis growls , yells and chews the scenery to a ridiculous degree and Diaz has the hopeless bad girl with the heart of gold role - - she deserves much better than this . The movie is hellishly long at 2 hours and 45 minutes . It looks great but it's dull , badly written , badly acted , surprisingly badly directed and totally unfocused . A real disappointment . Probably Scorsese's worst film to date . One positive thing - - if you're an insomniac this will put you to sleep ! ! ! |
477,585 | 463,200 | 30,194 | 1 | Technicolor fiasco | Sam Goldwyn did this movie to imitate the Ziegfeld follies and ( hopefully ) rake in millions . Boy was he WRONG ! Adolphe Menjou plays a producer whose movies are failing . He meets sweet , wholesome Andrea Leeds and hires her to be " Miss Humanity " and tell him what the public wants . ( No it makes no sense to me either ) She tells him all these howlers like " Romeo and Juliet should have a happy ending " and " love is the most important thing " . Menjou manages to keep a straight face and says " That's brilliant " to all these pearls of wisdom . One day Leeds goes to a hamburger diner . She walks in to see sweet , wholesome Kenny Baker cooking hamburgers while singing " Love Walked In " ( with a full orchestra being heard ) . Naturally they fall in love . That's when I gave up . Seriously this movie is just unbelievable . The dialogue was full of campy lines and groaningly bad jokes ( my eyes hurt from rolling them so much ) . This movie is full of " speciality " act : Edger Bergman and Charlie McCarthy manage to get out a few good jokes ; The Ritz Brothers ( a comedy group that makes the Three Stooges look subdued ) throw in some " comedy " bits that will have you gaping ( in disbelief ) - - their " pussy cat " song is truly a jaw-dropper ; Romeo and Juliet is done as a ballet - - with tap-dancing too ; there are THREE musical numbers from " La Traviata " worked in ; Phil Baker pops up as a seriously untalented accordionist and a LONG dull ballet is shoved in . Acting doesn't help . Menjou manages to keep a straight face ; Leeds is given nothing to do but look beautiful and wholesome and Baker is SO nauseatingly sweet that you just want to slap him . Beautiful Technicolor photography doesn't help . This is worth watching just for some nice visuals and the hysterically bad dialogue . Example : " Fill my bath with whipped cream " ( ? ? ? ? ) . This falls in the so bad it's good area - - but still it's just a 1 all the way . |
478,105 | 463,200 | 69,994 | 1 | To avoid fainting keep repeating . . . . it's only a movie . . . it's only a movie . . . . it's only a movie . . . | That was the tag line used to sell this movie back in 1973 . It played at mostly drive-ins along with " Last House on the Left " and " The House That Vanished " . This triple feature was so incredibly popular it kept playing at drive-ins into the mid 80s ! Never saw " House That Vanished " but " Last House . . . " was sadistic trash . This is boring trash ! A " horror " film about inmates at a sanitarium who are getting a little out of control . Young , beautiful nurse Charlotte Beale ( Rosie Holotik ) comes to work there . She finds a new administrator under control - - Dr . Masters ( Annabelle Weenick ) . The former one had been killed by one of his patients . But things are fine now . . . or are they ? There is a plot twist in this which you'll probably see coming from a mile away - - but I still won't reveal it . This has a nice murder at the beginning and turns into an all out bloodbath at the end - - - but everything in the middle is dull ! It just has a bunch of horrible bad actors portraying mental patients - - and very badly too . Padded endlessly with repititous scenes , pointless dialogues , horribly unfunny " humor " and some really gratuitous nudity . Basically a 30 minute feature dragged out to 90 minutes . There is some good acting by Holotik and Weenick and also Betty Chandler as Allyson - - but that's about it . ALMOST worth seeing for the incredible gore at the end . . . ALMOST . For drive-in cultists only . Otherwise avoid . |
477,643 | 463,200 | 91,898 | 1 | Horrible | Dreadful , justly obscure ghost story . Mary Page Keller and Andrew Stevens play a couple who move into a haunted house . Then Stevens is possessed by a ghost and begins to kill people . . . or something like that . To be honest I had trouble staying awake so the story is kind of vague . Dumb , by the numbers " horror " film loaded with false scares and stupid sequences . Like a workman , working outside the house , is killed and hung . . . and supposedly hangs there for days on end with no one noticing . Or Keller has a pointless dream sequence where a co worker slashes her throat . . . and leads to nothing . It's only in there to throw some cheap gore into our face . Keller ( who can be good ) is lousy and Stevens ( who has never been good ) is even worse . Dull and pointless . Avoid . |
478,130 | 463,200 | 424,287 | 1 | Pretty dreadful | Horrible , unfunny " comedy " about a gay man ( Ethan Green ) and his life with friends and boyfriends . I've read the comic strip this is based on . The strip ( while no classic ) was actually pretty funny and right on target with its comments on the gay community . But it doesn't translate at all to film . For starters Green has black hair in the strip - - he's light brown here . Also the actor playing him was clearly NOT gay and seemed very nervous and unsure of how to play it . He's also the most annoying , whiny guy I've ever seen - - half way through the film I wanted to slap him to shut him up . His friends are even more annoying then him and his romantic complications are predictable and stupid . The only bright spots in this mess are the Hat Sisters ( the only ones who give a performance ) and seeing Meredith Baxter ( she's not good but that's not her fault ) . So basically , the script is terrible , you get a character you could care less about and most of the acting is lousy . I saw this at a Gay Film Festival and the audience sat there in dead silence . It's no wonder this isn't getting released . I give it a 1 . |
477,164 | 463,200 | 582 | 1 | Hilarious | Silly short silent is NOT " Ben-Hur " . It's highlights from the book with cards filling in the ( many ) gaps . The sets are cardboard cut-outs ( pretty obviously ) , ALL the acting is bad and the " direction " is virtually nonexistent . I suppose it's got some historical value as the very first version of the story but is totally lacking in entertainment value . See it for laughs only . |
477,947 | 463,200 | 83,133 | 1 | Dreadful | I was one of the ( very ) few who paid to see this in a theatre in 1981 . I LOVE horror films and , by that time , slasher films were all the rage and ready for a parody . The story ( so to speak ) has somebody called the Breather killing off high school students in ( supposedly ) humorous ways . The opening 10 or 15 minutes were pretty good . . . then the film went to pieces . The " story " quickly became incoherent , the jokes were stupid and pretty desperate and it had an ending that left me slack-jawed . I'm really surprised people like this movie . I realize comedy is subjective and a matter of taste but ( aside from the beginning ) I didn't find anything even remotely funny . The cast was attractive ( especially the hunky guy who got killed first ) but none of them could act . I think for most of them this was their first ( and last ) film . That should tell you something . And the director removed his name from the final cut . When a director does that it's pretty obvious the film is hopeless . I also caught it a few years later on TV ( uncut ) . It STILL wasn't funny ! So , I don't recommend this at all but it does have its defenders . Use your own judgment . |
479,158 | 463,200 | 109,442 | 1 | Wow ! What a piece of crap ! | A cyborg poses as a substitute teacher in schools and kills kids who are misbehaving . . . . yawn . Boring , suspenseless , lousy acting , stupid predictable script . . . a waste . The only thing that kept me watching was the guy who played the cyborg . He couldn't act his way out of a paper bag , but he was really nice-looking ! Other than that there's nothing worth watching here . |
477,257 | 463,200 | 56,875 | 1 | The very first gore film . . . | and one of the worst . It's about some guy killing women and taking various body parts of them , to make some " feast " to an Egyptian god . We see an eye gouged out , a tongue removed , a brain , a whipping . . . all shot in lingering close-up in bright , brilliant color . This movie is a total piece of garbage . . . it can only be enjoyed on a camp level . The story is vague ( and stupid ) ; ALL the acting is atrocious ; the dialogue horrendous ; the camera-work hilariously bad . . . hell , there's NOTHING good in this film ! The gore effects are somewhat realistic and there is tons of blood . Also , the killings are kind of uncomfortable to watch . . . the filmmakers seem to enjoy showing all this blood and gore . But , more often than not , it's a laugh riot . One last time - - I can't stress how bad the acting is in this film . This is a textbook example of how NOT to act ! |
478,322 | 463,200 | 53,241 | 1 | Gave me nightmares | When I was kid back in the 1970s a local theatre had Children's Matinees every Saturday and Sunday afternoon ( anybody remember those ? ) . They showed this thing one year around Christmas time . Me and some friends went to see it . I expected a cool Santa Claus movie . What I got was a terribly dubbed ( you can tell ) and truly creepy movie . Something about Santa Claus and Merlin the Magician ( don't ask me what those two are doing in the same movie ) fighting Satan ( some joker in a silly devil costume complete with horns ! ) . The images had me cringing in my seat . I always found Santa spooky to begin with so that didn't help . The guy in the Satan suit didn't help . But what REALLY horrified me were the wooden rein deers that pulled Santa's sled . When he wound them up and the creepy sound they made and the movements - - I remember having nightmares about those things ! All these years later I still remember walking out of that theatre more than a little disturbed by what I saw . My friends were sort of frightened by it too . I just saw an ad for it on TV and ALL those nightmares came roaring back . This is a creepy , disturbing little Christmas film that will probably scare the pants off any little kid who sees it . Avoid this one - - unless you really want to punish your kids . This gets a 1 . |
479,440 | 463,200 | 91,671 | 1 | Pathetic | Librarian Vincent Price tells 4 horror stories of the town he lives in . Unfortunately , the audience has to see them . The stories aren't scary at all , are sick ( necrophilia ; a nude middle-aged woman being drowned ; knives in a man's groin ) , boring and stupid . It has a good cast ( I'm assuming they were all desperate for work ) and they do what little they can with the lousy script , but it's no go . Of interest only as one of Price's final films . |
478,246 | 463,200 | 435,669 | 1 | What the heck is the point ? ? ? ? ? | Pointless and badly done update of " The Picture of Dorian Gray " . It takes place ( I guess ) in 2006 . Dorian ( David Gallagher ) has some media exhibit done of him by his friend Basil ( Noah Seagan ) who is madly in love with him . The exhibit shows Dorian's face and body on various screens . Dorian says he would never betray a friend , kill somebody or have sex with a man . Naturally he does all three and the exhibit shows the ravages while he remains youthful . What the hell was the director thinking of when he did this ? First of all an updating of Dorian is not needed . Secondly he adds nothing to the tale . And , third , this movie thinks VERY highly of itself . The characters don't talk - - they mumble speeches and , for some reason , the director constantly has other voices on the soundtrack when main characters are speaking . This just renders some of the dialogue incomprehensible . Also some lines people say inexplicably appear on the screen in big bold letters . I guess the director thinks we're too stupid to think things out by ourselves . The acting is as good as it could be . Gallagher is actually quite good as Gray . He's tall , handsome with a nice body and is a pretty good actor . Segan is a little whiny as Basil - - but that is his character . I didn't know what to make of Henry played by Christian Camargo . He's always giving these vague sentences with a blank look . I did something I never do in movies - - I walked out ( I wasn't alone ) . After about 80 minutes I had reached my point . The movie was stupid , annoying , incomprehensible at times and - - worst of all - - dull . This is a pretentious , needless art film that thinks it's something that it isn't . A 1 all the way . |
478,646 | 463,200 | 74,437 | 1 | Utter trash | Followup to " Mandingo " ( NOT a sequel as many believe ) about slaves in the old South . It's better than " Mandingo " but that's not saying much . They upped the sex and violence even more ( this movie originally got an X rating - - it was heavily cut to get an R ) and the story moves very quick . I was never bored but I was sickened . The blacks are whipped , beaten , shot , assaulted ( by women ) , and the " N " word is used constantly . Also there's homophobia in here - - there's a gay character who is portrayed as totally evil and meets a very sickening end ( although it's staged for the audience to cheer ) . I almost stopped watching but I was ( in a way ) fascinated by seeing how disgusting and degrading a major motion picture could get . The storyline is slight - - very - - I can't even remember it . Ken Norton returns from " Mandingo " . He's still very muscular , very handsome and still can't act . Yaphet Kotto looks very embarrassed to be in this film but he's not bad . Pam Grier ( here credited as " Pamela " ) has a nothing role ( she's the mistress of Warren Oates ) but she does what she can with it . Warren Oates is actually very good here - - he's loud , obnoxious and ( occasionally ) hilarious . He really brings the movie to life . Everyone else is so-so . I realize some people think this movie is great because ( purportedly ) it shows what slavery was like . Good for them - - but I find it disturbing that anyone thinks this is a great movie . Subject matter aside , it's badly directed , looks ugly and ( as I said before ) has little plot . Also what's to be gained watching black men and women being tortured and humiliated ? Unless you're into S & M I suggest you avoid this . A very sick movie . |
479,465 | 463,200 | 1,001,508 | 1 | Insipid chick flick | SPOILERS ! Lousy movie . Pathetic loser Gigi ( Gennifer Goodwin ) takes dating advice from know it all Alex ( Justin Long ) . Mary ( Drew Barrymore ) is having trouble finding ANY man ! Conor ( Kevin Connolly ) is having the same trouble finding a woman . Married Ben ( Bradley Cooper ) to Janinie ( Jennifer Connolly ) falls into an affair with single Anna ( Scarlett Johansson ) . AND Neil ( Ben Affleck ) and Beth ( Jennifer Aniston ) have been living together for 7 years . He's faithful to her - - but she starts realizing she may need a commitment . Got all that ? I was dying to see this movie ! I love chick flicks and the cast of this had me excited . I thought with all these great actors how can it be bad ? Well - - I found out ! The script is lousy - - full of lines that real people would never utter . People in my audience were laughing at the serious parts ! A few people walked out ! Every single character in this is unlikable - - there's not ONE character you could identify with . Gigi especially was incredibly annoying . Also all the stories are utterly predictable leading to outcomes that had the audience groaning and laughing . You would think with the cast the acting would be good . WRONG ! Aniston and Johansson are easily the worst actors in this . The best were Cooper , Barrymore and Long . The rest were in the middle . Badly acted , horribly written and downright insulting chick flick . I give it a 1 . |
478,012 | 463,200 | 78,748 | 1 | Very overrated - - boring | SPOILERS AHEAD ! ! ! ! ! How this is considered a classic is beyond me . I saw it when it first came out in 1979 . I was 16 - - I was basically bored or disgusted by it . 22 years later my opinion hasn't changed . Why do I hate this ? Let me count the ways : 1 ) The plot is old hat . It's basically a haunted house movie set in outer space . 2 ) There is zero characterization . The crew members are virtually interchangable . How can you care about somebody getting killed when you don't know who they are ? 3 ) Getting a bunch of talented actors and giving them nothing to work with . 4 ) Overdone set design . Yes , it's impressive but it overwhelms what little plot there is . Nice set design does not make a movie . 5 ) People stumble around in dark corridors and dark rooms looking for a cat . Not once but TWICE ! And this is after they know there's a killer alien on board ! 6 ) What the hell is a cat doing on a space mission ? 7 ) The characters act incredibly stupid . 8 ) The alien looks dumb - - it's just a guy in a slightly modified alligator suit . Cool set of double teeth though . 9 ) What does the alien do with its victims ? Two of them just disappear . 10 ) Why is the alien killing them ? What reason ? We're never given one . Oh wait - - because it's in the script . That's why ! 11 ) Sigourney Weaver strips to down to her underwear for no reason whatsoever at the end . 12 ) IT'S DULL ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! The only scene that works is the chest burster with John Hurt - - but that's only a minute or two in a two hour film . Long , dull and stupid . I give this a 1 - - I wish I could go lower - - it deserves a 0 . Avoid at all costs . See " Aliens " instead . That's 100 times better than this . |
479,666 | 463,200 | 78,740 | 1 | Bottom of the barrel here folks ! | The last of the " Airport " sequels . This has Alain Delon and George Kennedy ( who was in all the Airport movies ) as pilots ; David Warner ( ! ! ! ) as the radio engineer ; Susan Blakely as a newswoman targeted for death ; Robert Wagner as a brilliant scientist ( stop laughing ! ) ; Eddie Albert as a president of the airlines ; Charo in a dreadful " comical " bit ; John Davidson as a newsman ( love how his hair stays in place even AFTER the plane turns upside down ! ) ; poor Martha Raye is humiliated ; Cicely Tyson plays a mother who is flying a heart for her dying son ( stop rolling your eyes ! ) ; Jimmie Walker as a clarinet player ( what did I say about not laughing ? ) ; Mercedes McCambridge as a Russian gymnastics coach ( OK you can laugh at that one ) ; Bibi Andresson as a hooker and Sylvia Kristel and Sybil Danning as love interests . Just pathetic . Full of stupid plots and dialogue that will have you roaring - - watch for Davidson getting " married " on the plane near the end ! The Concorde is taking all these people to Russia . They're attacked with missiles , escape , land safely in France and TAKE OFF AGAIN the very next day ! ! ! ! Don't you think the flight would have been cancelled or something ? Most of the acting is terrible - - McCambridge is a sight to behold in a red fright wig and a horrible fake accent . The only good acting is from Kennedy and Delon ( looking fantastic ) who gives a very engaging performance . Still that's not enough to make you sit through this drivel . Too long and lousy special effects too . This was a mega-bomb and ( thankfully ) stopped Universal from doing anymore . |
477,950 | 463,200 | 82,948 | 1 | Beyond belief | A woman ( Sylvia Kristel ) seduces a 15 year old boy ( Eric Brown ) . They have sex . . . but it's all tied into some stupid plot or something . Easily one of the most disturbing sex comedies ever . Does anyone realize this movie is making light of child molestation ? I suppose it's OK cause it's a teenage boy - - if we had one with a man seducing a teenage girl there would ( rightfully ) be outrage . Sorry , but having it done to a boy doesn't excuse it . It's still sick . I realize Brown was of age ( he was actually 18 when this was made ) but he LOOKS 15 . I just find it disturbing that some people find this OK . Plot aside the acting sucks ( Kristel is beautiful - - but can't act ; Brown is easily one of the worst child actors I've ever seen ) and the constant nudity gets boring and isn't even remotely erotic . I saw this drivel at a theatre back in 1981 . I was 19 and with my 14 year old cousin ( who could easily pass for 18 ) . HE wanted to see it - - I didn't but I decideD what the heck ? We got in and I actually bought tickets for three teenage boys who were obviously underage . My cousin thought is was boring and the three other kids left halfway through ! Let me make this clear - - three TEENAGE BOYS left a movie with tons of female nudity ! That should give you an idea of how bad this is . I'm surprised this was ever released . A 1 all the way . |
478,541 | 463,200 | 78,767 | 1 | Looks good . . . that's about it . | A family ( James Brolin is the dad . . . Margot Kidder is the mom ) move into a beautiful house in Long Island NY . Naturally it turns out to be haunted . This is a ( bad ) adaptation of a very good book . Supposedly the book was accepted as being true . . . we all know now that it's totally fictional . The book was a quick , scary read . The movie takes the book , jettisons almost all of the scary material , and ends up being a VERY dull mess . What was the studio thinking ? Why take a good book and totally destroy it ? The acting doesn't really help . Brolin appears drugged out during the entire movie and Rod Steiger REALLY overacts as a priest . Margot Kidder is very good - - she gives this movie a much better performance than it deserves . And it IS kind of fun to see Murray Hamilton and Don Stroud as priests . The film does have a few good moments : there's an opening multiple murder scene which jolts you and a certain dream Kidder has is nice and gory ( and not in the book ) . Also the film looks beautiful - - especially the house . This was AIP's ( American International Pictures ) last film - - it was also their biggest hit . THAT'S scarier than anything in this movie . Basically a dull , big-budget horror movie . Let's hope the remake is better . This is a 1 all the way . |
479,147 | 463,200 | 47,127 | 1 | Yeah it's terrible but . I enjoyed it | Muddled mess about a gangster drawing a nice young kid into a life of crime . His family and the police try to help him to no avail . Then he kills a cop and things really go crazy . The ending is so bad and ridiculous that I loved it ! I saw this at a theatre years ago on a twin bill with " Plan 9 from Outer Space " . This is even worse than " Plan 9 " but also funnier ! This one has a more coherent story and ( for a Wood film ) some high production values . The acting is terrible - - the worst are Dolores Fuller , Lyle Talbot and Steve Reeves ( yes THAT Steve Reeves ) . The dialogue is terrible ( no surprise ) but it's quite amusing to see this talentless cast sputter out some truly stupid lines . By the end of the film the audience I saw it with was laughing and yelling back at the screen ! There were two big reactions in my audience - - when Steve Reeves is shown with his shirt off ( VERY impressive ) there were wolf whistles from guys and girls , and when someone was rolling on the ground near a pool the audience was saying ( in seconds ) , " Fall into the pool ! " They were not disappointed and everybody burst into applause ! I actually think this is one of the best bad / good films Wood ever did . It's a textbook example of how NOT to do a movie but it's still a lot of fun ! I give it a 7 . Oh yes - - the title has no bearing in the film whatsoever ! |
478,019 | 463,200 | 57,156 | 1 | Sheesh ! What a dog ! | It's even more depressing when you consider the talent behind the camera - - Terence Fisher did this ? ? ? I won't bother to get into the plot . It's a " horror comedy " ( I use both terms very loosely ) about an old , dark house and a bunch of idiots running around doing lame slapstick and unfunny jokes . Badly acted , directed and written . Go see " Hold That Ghost " or " An American Werewolf in London " or " The Howling " . Even the remake of " The Old Dark House " ! They're all prime examples of how to do horror and comedy . |
478,704 | 463,200 | 92,076 | 1 | Easily one of the worst horror sequels ever made | According to this movie the killers from the original " Texas " were never caught and are still roaming around . The uncle ( Dennis Hopper ! ) of one of the victims is hunting for them . For some reason the family sets its sights on pretty DJ Stretch ( Caroline Williams ) . Pretty soon she has Leatherface running after her with his chainsaw . She's captured and then the film REALLY gets sick . Just hopeless . What the hell was directer Tobe Hooper on when he did this ? It seems like he's trying to do this as a black comedy . The problem with that is that it isn't funny - - just pretty sick . The opening attack is gory , violent and lots of fun . . . then the film slowly falls apart . The story rambles all over the place - - jumping from unfunny humor and truly sick violence never finding a consistent tone . Hopper chews the scenery every chance he gets ( was he rehearsing for " Blue Velvet " ? ) . Williams is good but really . . . this film goes way too far in what's done to her . At one point Leatherface basically tries to use his ( turned-off ) chainsaw to have sex with her ; at another point he takes the skin off of a victim and puts it on HER face ! This isn't funny or scary - - just sick . Hooper's direction is off too - - no surprise there . His movies since " Texas " have been just horrible - - " Texas " was a fluke . ( " Poltergeist " doesn't count - - Spielberg had that whole movie storyboarded before Hooper even got on the set ! ) I caught this at a theatre back in 1986 . It was unrated ( basically a self-imposed X ) so ( lucky me ) I caught it in all its " glory " . ( I heard the R rated one is edited ) . I was sickened , confused and ( by the end ) bored . The very end was just SO stupid I thought they were kidding . Just dreadful . Let me put it this way - - I'm a HUGE horror movie fan but this was so terrible I refused to see the third one that came out a few years later . Skip this one . |
478,072 | 463,200 | 57,181 | 1 | Almost bad enough to be funny - - ALMOST | Cult film ( mostly because of that title ) . It's about Madame Estrella ( Brett O'Hara ) who is a gypsy at a carnival . When she gets mad at guys she throws acid on their faces and locks them in her cellar ( for some reason ) . Angela ( Sharon Walsh ) visits the carnival with boyfriend Jerry ( Ray Dennis Steckler ) and some other idiot . For some reason Madame Estrella hypnotizes Jerry and sends him out to kill people she doesn't like ( ! ! ! ! ) Oh - - and the " strange creatures " mentioned in the title ? They're the deformed guys Estrella keeps in the basement ( all three of them ) and break out and have a 15 minute rampage at the end . The acting is all horrible ( O'Hara chews the scenery ) , the sound is muddled ( I had to keep replaying scenes ) and the plot ( what there is of it ) makes next to no sense . Actually the scenes with these people attempting to act are actually kind of funny . However this movie is padded out with boring musical acts and some truly hilarious dance numbers with jaw-dropping choreography ( I don't mean that in a good way ) . They even pad it some MORE with a long and stupid dream sequence Jerry has . However the film is very funny at the end when the " creatures " break out and it turns out to be a bunch of guys in dime store masks ! And wait till you see Jerry killing people ! I can see why people enjoy this ( in a bad way ) but the boring musical numbers and nonsensical plot really weigh this down . Surprisingly Oscar winning Vilmos Zsigmond helped film this fiasco - - but I guess everybody has to start somewhere . A 1 . |
478,258 | 463,200 | 113,650 | 1 | Pretty dreadful | A real obnoxious guy ( Wally White ) decides to leave his job in NY and spend the summer in Provincetown MA and find Mr . Right . OK - - this is LOUSY . For starters - - every gay stereotype is trotted out to go through its motions . Second , there's no plot . Third , ALL the characters are obnoxious . Fourth , I've been to PTown - - this was obviously shot off season and it REALLY shows . Fifth , almost no one can act . Sixth , did I mention the main character is really obnoxious ? Seven , all the " comedy " is lousy . A particularly bad sequence is White picking out dancers from square states ( don't ask ) . The ONLY bright spot here is Randy Becker . He turns in the sole good performance and is VERY hot ( to put it mildly ) ! But he also plays a real jerk . Basically one of the worst gay films ever - - maybe THE worst ! I wish I could give it a 0 - - it's not good enough for a 1 ! |
478,740 | 463,200 | 60,457 | 1 | Poor Boris . . . | Ridiculous movie - - just the title should tell you something . It's something or other about a ghost ( in a bikini of course ) trying to revive her dead boyfriend . . . or make him younger . . . or something silly . He's played by Boris Karloff who watches the movie from his crypt through a crystal ball . Poor Boris . . . he was reduced to THIS ? ? ? ? Basically this was the last gasp for the " Beach Party " movies . They were loosing money so they transferred the action to a " haunted " house and some dumb plot about a fortune being hidden . This is chockful of stupid jokes , bad songs , LOUSY acting and some " teenagers " in their 20s who should not be seen with only a skimpy bathing suit . It might be fun if you're in a REALLY silly frame of mind - - otherwise this is truly an abomination . Not even bad / good - - just BAD ! ! ! Kids might go for it . |
479,414 | 463,200 | 113,540 | 1 | Why all the controversy ? | Movie ( purportedly based on real events ) about a bunch of amoral teens hanging out in NYC . It seems one of the guys is HIV + , doesn't know it and is spreading it around to every girl he sleeps with . His best friend is on drugs , swears constantly and sees nothing wrong with beating up people . There's more but you get the idea . I saw the NC-17 version ( which really deserves an R rating - - it's not THAT bad ) and I'm wondering - - what's the fuss ? Teenagers drink , swear , attack people , have sex , take drugs , are HIV + . Does this really surprise anyone ? I knew this before I saw the movie - - this one shows nothing new . I'm really surprised that people find this shocking . Content aside , the film is badly directed with lousy sound and has virtually no plot - - just a bunch of teens wandering around getting high , drinking etc etc . Also the rating ( as I said before ) is ridiculous . With that rating it means half the cast of the film can't even see it ! Also I read a newspaper article when this came out . A bunch of teenagers saw this with their parents and found large portions of the film unbelievable . Also remember - - this deals with kids in NYC , a very tough area . They do not represent all the teens in America . Dull , exploitive and pointless . I give this a 1 . |
478,466 | 463,200 | 60,536 | 1 | A Larry Buchanan classic ! That's NOT a good thing ! | A group of obnoxious survivors of a nuclear holocaust are protected in a house in a valley surrounded by lead hills . They have to wait there for a few months until it's safe to go out again . Naturally they start to get on each others nerves . . . and how about the " horrible " creatures that are roaming the forest just outside the house ? Larry Buchanan is a god to bad film fans ( like me ) . He's ALMOST as bad as Ed Wood Jr . ! Basically , his films suck . They're made on no budget , with unknowns and incredibly cheap production values . This one is easily one of his " best " . Let's start with the jaw-droppingly stupid assumption that , after a nuclear holocaust , it will just take a few months for everything to be fine ! And don't get me started on the lead hills ! The script is just dreadful - - almost bad enough to be good . The lines are just stunningly stupid . A few times I had to replay the tape because I couldn't believe those lines were actually uttered ! As for the acting - - - hoo boy ! Only Paul Petersen showed any bit of talent - - the rest were truly dreadful . And what's with the sound ? It all sounds like bad post-production recording - - some of the voices don't even match the " actors " ! And the " horrifying " creature was uproariously funny ! It's some idiot in a stupid bargain-basement Halloween mask with a fright wig , silly fangs and ( supposedly ) steel claws ! ! ! ! You watch in amazement at this . I'm probably making this sound better than it is . . . it's actually pretty dull . VERY dull . Not worth wasting your time at all . Not bad-good just BAD ! ! ! And some cable TV stations have mistakenly given this an NC-17 rating ! It's PG all the way . |
477,744 | 463,200 | 65,917 | 1 | Hilarious | SPOILERS AHEAD ! ! ! ! I caught this a few years ago at a revival theatre in Massachusetts . They had to special order a copy of it from Germany . I knew that it was a political vampire film - - I believe it likened fascism to vampirism . Not a bad idea but the movie is a total mess . For starters some of the subtitles were misspelled ( " piece " was used instead of " peace " ) and the plot was basically nonexistent . It just had a bunch of people in bad vampire makeup mumbling some political propaganda . My audience took it seriously - - at first . Then when it became obvious that the film was going nowhere and repeating itself the audience began to laugh . When the villagers in the movie destroyed the vampires my audience was in hysterics . Gotta love the scene where a woman is slapping a dead person . . . and the guy obviously blinks ! It all leads to a truly stupid ending with the vampires being forced into water and dissolving ( ? ? ? ? ) So , the basic idea was not bad but this movie didn't know how to handle it in an interesting ( or coherent ) manner . Hard to find for obvious reasons . I give it a 1 . |
479,264 | 463,200 | 52,969 | 1 | Laughable campy movie | A tough rough sea captain named Thorne Sherman ( James Best ) , love interest Ann Craigis ( Ingrid Goude ) , hot-headed boyfriend Jerry ( Ken Curtis ) , two scientists and a token black and token Latino guy are stuck on an island during a hurricane with large killer shrews running loose . The scientists developed them to deal with overpopulation ( ! ! ! ) but they escaped . There is a boat offshore . . . but how will they get to it with the shrews running around ? You won't really care . Pretty silly with a stupid script ( come on - - large killer shrews ? ? ? ) and laughable dialogue . The shrews themselves look like what they are - - either puppets or dogs with extra fur on them and fake fangs . Nothing is shown when the shrews attack someone and the first ones to die are ( of course ) the black guy then the Latino . If this were a good movie I would find that offensive . The sets are cheap ( it shows ) and the ending is howlingly bad . Acting isn't that good . Best is terrible - - he just stands around with a blank look on his face and yells orders . Goude is certainly beautiful but no actress . She tries but it's no go . However her wavering Swedish accent was amusing . Curtis is stuck with the stock villain role and he's not half bad . Everybody else are stuck in clichéd roles and play them out as best as they can . This played constantly on a local TV station back in the 1970s . I was in high school then and thought it was silly but fun . Now it comes across as VERY silly and more than a little campy . If you're in the mood you might enjoy this for laughs . Otherwise stay far away . |
479,171 | 463,200 | 299,930 | 1 | As bad as you've heard | A lowly thug named Larry Gigli ( Ben Affleck ) is hired to kidnap and watch over a mentally retarded young man named Brian ( Justin Bartha ) . " Ricki " ( Jennifer Lopez ) is sent to watch over Larry and make sure he does a good job . He falls in love with her - - but she's a lesbian . Sounds hopeless - - and it is . Constant jokes are made of and at the retarded mans expense - - I suppose we're supposed to find that funny . The movie is also chockful of swearing - - Affleck must have said " f " a few hundred times . The script is dull and stupid , the movie looks ugly and is directed with no style or taste by Martin Brest ( after this and " Meet Joe Black " his career is probably gone ) . There's also a pointless , cruel and ugly scene with an ex of Lopez popping up . It adds nothing to the plot and just consists of three people swearing at each other at the top of their lungs . I'm no prude but really - - the swearing in here goes overboard . This is also the type of movie where a lesbian finds Affleck so attractive she has no trouble having sex with him . If this were a good movie I would be offended - - but it's not . There are a few good things - - Affleck and Lopez are actually good - - their relationship was going strong when this movie was being shot and their affection for each other comes through . Affleck shows off his nice muscular body a few times - - and he is a VERY handsome man . There is one funny moment with Lopez making small flirting gestures with another woman when Affleck is trying to post a package . But this whole movie is sunk by the direction and the script and a jaw-dropping ending which had me wanting to throw something heavy at my TV . Also Christopher Walken pops up ( lousy as always ) but Lainie Kazan and Al Pacino ( ! ! ! ) show up too and briefly kick start the movie . But , all in all , this is a stupid , offensive , ugly , dull movie . I wish I could give it below a 1 . |
477,594 | 463,200 | 83,261 | 1 | Boring and pointless | Dreck about three beautiful women in California who go to cover some festival ( or something ) . All the hotels are booked so they have to spend the night in a creepy old house . What they don't know is that there is a creepy inhabitant there who likes to kill . . . Yawn . Boring , pointless , utterly stupid " horror " film . Bach and her two buddies are certainly beautiful but the movie itself is dull dull DULL ! Bach and her friends are no actresses - - their faces are blank all the way through . The final " revelation " is laughably predictable and there's no blood or gore to keep you interested along the way . There is some expected gratuitous female nudity but that's not enough to save this . Boring , pointless and unknown ( for good reason ) . A 1 all the way . |
477,943 | 463,200 | 95,853 | 1 | Pretty bad | A teenager who seems to have it all commits suicide . It leaves his family and his best friend ( Keanu Reeves ) asking a lot of questions . . . and blaming themselves . Good idea , badly handled . For starters this HAS been done before 1988 - - mostly in TV movies and After School Specials . Aside from some swearing and dialogue ( hence the PG-13 rating ) this added nothing new . The outcome is predictable and Reeve's attempts at acting were truly painful to watch . He's good NOW but not in 1988 . Aside from that his character was dressed like a slob and always looked so dirty is was hard to build up sympathy . That aside the movie is dull . I saw every scene coming and every " surprise " was telegraphed . I basically couldn't wait for this thing to get over . I have a vague recollection of seeing it in a theatre in 1988 and hating it ( it bombed BADLY ) . It still looks lousy almost 20 years later . The subject is worth handling but it's been done better ( with better acting ) in countless other movies . " Ordinary People " comes to mind . You can skip this one . |
478,877 | 463,200 | 100,469 | 1 | Eerie , disturbing and altogether horrible | No real plot here - - just about the VERY weird , sick adventures of a young kid growing up in the middle on nowhere . Very stark with just gorgeous photography but filled with unpleasant characters , situations and depression . What's the point of all this ? Some people have compared this to David Lynch - - but Lynch has a REASON for his bizarre imagery and he has plots - - this movie has neither . I kept watching in the hope that it would all come together in the end - - no such luck . SPOILERIt does have a great closing sequence though with the little kid screaming full blast up into the sky . It hit me with a wallop - - maybe because I was feeling the same way ! Sure to depress you . A justly forgotten film . Avoid at all costs . |
478,235 | 463,200 | 373,883 | 1 | Pointless and sick | I USED to like Rob Zombie . " House of 1000 Corpses " rocks and " The Devils Rejects " disturbed me . THIS however is just horrendous . It's a disastrous redo of the 1978 classic . Here it's explained why Michael Myers was a psycho . The first 40 minutes or so are good ( if disturbing ) . We see Micahel at the age of 10 and why he became a killer . Sheri Moon turns in a wonderful performance . Then it cuts to 15 years later . Michael escapes . . . and the movie falls to pieces . The original had three teenage girls who were funny , intelligent and likable . This one gives us three girls who are foul-mouthed , obnoxious and just thoroughly despicable . Laurie ( the " good " girl ) is introduced making a joke about molestation ! You want them dead ! In the original you cared about the characters - - not here . Also - - remember the restraint in terms of violence in the first one ? Forget about it here ! Zombie pours the blood and gore on to a ridiculous degree . Also I get the feeling that Zombie hates women . Lynda ( Kristina Kleba ) is totally nude when she is killed . Annie ( Danielle Harris ) is topless and we get at least FIVE views of her topless bloody body on the floor ! Does Zombie really think we need to see nude women getting killed to enjoy a movie ? The misogyny in this film is unbelievable . And Laurie ( Scout Taylor-Compton ) is chased and threatened a LOT . The final chase takes forever to finish . Zombie said he was doing his own version of the tale . Fine - - but why does he take full portions of dialogue verbatim from the first AND doesn't even have the courtesy of naming Carpenter in the credits ! He also shoots some scenes the same way Carpenter did too . This manages to be sick and boring at the same time . The acting was OK I suppose - - the script was so dreadful I couldn't think straight . Malcolm McDowell seems to be enjoying himself . Having Harris in this ( she was in " Halloween 4 and 5 " ) was kind of cute and I caught most of the cameos from other actors but I still hated this movie . He actually makes Eli Roth ( Hostel 1 and 2 ) look good ! The good opening 40 minutes were just destroyed by what followed it . Stick with the original classic and skip this one . A real travesty here . |
478,547 | 463,200 | 71,494 | 1 | Saw it when it first played on TV | I was 12 and the premise sounded great - - a TV movie about a submarine trapped underwater with deadly snakes on the loose . I remember watching and , after a while , became increasingly bored . The script was by-the-numbers ( there were no surprises or anything even slightly original ) , the cast looked either bored or had a sad let-me-out-of-here look of their faces ( David Janssen ) . By the end I was fighting to stay awake ! Dull dull DULL . It's hard to believe but this was released as a theatrical feature in Europe ! Some poor suckers had to PAY to see this ! I can imagine the reactions where this played . This IS worth seeing if you have insomnia - - this will cure you completely ! |
478,353 | 463,200 | 74,802 | 1 | Sleazy exploitation flick posing as a significant drama | Model Chris McCormack ( Margaux Hemingway ) is brutally raped by a teacher ( Chris Sarandon ) of her sister Kathy ( Mariel Hemingway ) . He is brought to trial but goes totally free . He then rapes Kathy ! Objectionable and sick rape film . This movie was advertised as an important drama dealing with rape . What it is is a badly written and ( for the most part ) badly acted drama . It purports to be sympathetic to the victim of the rape but shoves the scene in our face . To be totally honest however , Hemingway's acting is so bad in that sequence that it loses any real impact it might have had . The trial scenes were boring and predictable . And the movie just went too far when 15 year old Mariel is raped ( thankfully that wasn't shown ) . I do admit though that it did lead to a great ending when Margaux grabs a gun and shoots Sarandon dead . But seriously - - having a young girl raped is just revolting . Acting doesn't help . For instance , Margaux was no actress . She was certainly a beautiful woman ( and an actual model I believe ) but her acting left a lot to be desired . It lessens the film . Mariel was just OK but this was one of her first films . Sarandon does what he can as the rapist . He wasn't bad but the terrible script worked against him . I do remember hearing that at a screening of this back in 1976 some women stood up and cheered when Sarandon was killed so maybe this works for some people . I found this boring , simplistic and REALLY sick . A 1 all the way . |
478,842 | 463,200 | 67,148 | 1 | Haven't seen this since I was kid . . . | and have NO desire to see it again ! Who thought the world needed an ecological Godzilla film ? The film has worse special effects than usual ( and that's saying a lot ) , the usual lousy dubbing , animated ( ? ? ? ? ) sequences and some needlessly gruesome moments ( i . e . a guy's face decomposing ; Hedora spitting sludge / pollution in people's faces ; Godzilla pulling the eggs out of Hedora ) . Also the song - - " Save the Earth " BLEEECCCHHHH ! I don't know what the lyrics were in Japanese , but the English ones are downright insulting - - it's enough to make you cheer on Hedora . Also has the usual annoying Japanese boy who knows more than the adults . This urchin was SO annoying - - I was so hoping Godzilla would stomp him or Hedora would bury him in sludge . Probably the worst Godzilla film ever - - yes , it's that bad ! ! ! ! ! |
477,881 | 463,200 | 377,818 | 1 | Really - - HOW could this be good ? | I actually caught this in the summer of 2005 during its mercifully brief theatrical run . I saw it because it was an incredibly hot humid day out and I thought anything was better than that . Boy was I wrong ! I went in expecting a bad movie . Well , it met my expectations and exceeded them ! It got so stupid and childish that I actually had some grudging respect for a movie that had the " courage " to be so dumb ! There are car chases ( and crashes ) galore , Johnny Knoville and Seann William Scott acting ( I think ) like a bunch of idiots and Jessica Simpson in impossibly tight clothing that must have pushed the PG-13 rating to its limit . None of them can act and , seriously , I can't remember a thing about the plot . All I remember is that it was loud , stupid and made the TV show look like Shakespeare by comparison . Might be worth seeing if you're drunk or want to see how stupid a Hollywood movie can get . Simpson and Scott have both badmouthed the movie after its release . A 1 all the way . |
479,151 | 463,200 | 86,984 | 1 | One of DePalma's worst | Out of work actor Jake Scully ( Craig Wasson ) agrees to house sit for a friend . The friend also has a telescope that points right to a house where a beautiful woman does a nude dance all by herself every night . Jake immediately becomes obsessed . . . until he finds an Indian is also watching the woman with murderous designs on his mind . . . DePalma didn't want to do this movie . . . and it shows . He was sick of fighting the censors to get his movies released uncut - - he wanted to make this an X rated film - - full of explicit sex and violence . The studio said no so he was forced to tone this down . His direction is off in this one - - he always imitated Hitchcock in his earlier films and it's pretty obvious here . He's ripping off Hitchcock again ( especially " Rear Window " ) and his own films too ! There are some beautiful sequences but I always felt like I was watching someone imitating Hitchcock . . . DePalma never put his own style into films until later . There's also a needlessly long sequence where Wasson is stalking somebody . It's boring and brings the movie to a screeching halt . The picture is full of gratuitous female nudity - - as much as an R rating will allow . Also there's a particularly sick sequence where someone is drilled to death and it's shown as a phallic instrument ! Also the story in this is just ridiculous - - the ultimate solution to what's going on is , to say the least , implausible . Even the ending is terrible - - it doesn't make a lot of sense and ends with a closeup of breasts with blood pouring down them ! Wasson is terrible in his role too . The only saving grace here is Melanie Griffith playing a porno actress named Holly Body . She's just great and energizes the movie . Especially good is a sequence where she tells Wasson what she will ( and will not do ) in a movie . Also they ( somehow ) fit the 80s group Frankie Goes to Hollywood into this performing the song " Relax " for a porno film ! It sounds ridiculous but it's a GREAT sequence and really energizes the film . But , ultimately , this is a dull film . Stupid , implausible , slow ( a least a half hour too long ) . It caused a lot of controversy when first released but it died down quickly . DePalma ( I heard ) doesn't like this film himself . I give it a 1 . |
478,769 | 463,200 | 71,464 | 1 | Silly sex movie | Emmanuelle ( Sylvia Kristel ) is happily married to an older man ( she's about 20 , he's 50s ) . He has no problem with her sleeping with other people ( men AND women ) and even hires an older man to teach her how to be a good lover . Yawn . I saw this at an movie house that showed old movies back in the early 1980s . It was showing as the midnight movie and a bunch of guys at my college encouraged me to see it . ( Actually , I'm gay but I was closeted then ) . What I saw was a beautifully photographed , very sensuous but BORING film ! Afterwords the guys agreed with me - - they all hated it too - - they said it was the most boring X rated film they had ever seen ( these are STRAIGHT college boys ) ! Film looks great but there's no plot and no motivation . Kristel is certainly beautiful but can't act . There's plenty of female nudity - - no male nudity at all . Even the sex isn't that explicit ! The one somewhat explicit sex scene is between two women - - and NOTHING is really shown ! I can't believe this still has an X - - I've seen more explicit R rated films . Still , historically , this IS an important film . It caused a major uproar in 1974 and was actually considered a serious art film ( for a while ) . Still , the entertainment value is nil . Very dull and slow . Don't bother . |
479,421 | 463,200 | 113,863 | 1 | I had forgotten about this . . . | An interactive movie . Basically each theatre had to be specially equipped with different video monitors and such . Each seat had a sort of device where you could pick an option . Like when someone is being tortured - - you have three options to pick from on HOW he was to be tortured . The one that most people " vote " for is shown . Sounds interesting . . . but it wore thin fast . Basically each movie is the same - - just the various options are slight detours that end up going back to the main story . I did see it once and was mildly amused but had completely forgotten about it the next day . From what I remember it was a pretty stupid movie full of crude humor with lousy acting . Billy Warlock was the only one that gave a halfway decent performance . He was also easy on the eyes which helped : ) Still , this was supposed to usher in a new era of interactive movies . Considering this was the only one made and it's been 10 years since we've seen another one , chances are it's not gonna happen again . Worth a look maybe for curiosity's sake - - but it's totally pointless to see without the options . Skip it . |
479,173 | 463,200 | 94,597 | 1 | Rightfully forgotten late 80s horror film | Sheesh - - what a STUPID movie ! Two cousins played by hunky Patrick O'Bryan and nerd Stephen Geoffreys get involved with a satanic phone line ( the title ) . O'Bryan ignores it but Geoffreys loves it . Naturally it possesses him and he starts to kill anybody who ever picked on him . This is Robert Englund's sole directorial movie - - it's easy to see why ! The basic story line is ridiculous ( a satanic phone line - - come on ! ) , the dialogue is horrible and this moves at a snails pace ( even at only 92 minutes ) . The makeup at the end is laughable and the " special " effects are truly dismal . At times the story doesn't even make sense ! As for the acting - - not good . O'Bryan is very handsome and has got a great body - - too bad he can't act . Geoffreys plays his role WAY too nerdy and is even lousy when he's killing - - and he was so good in " Fright Night " four years earlier ! What happened ? Small wonder that he now does gay porn . Jim Metzler appears drugged as someone investigating the strange goings on . But worst of all is the late Sandy Dennis in her second to last role . I THINK she's trying to be funny but she's not . She's loud , abrasive and incredibly annoying . But she has a great introduction - - she comes on screen wearing a Bride of Frankenstein hair do ! I'm a huge horror fan and really wanted to like this ( because of Robert Englund ) but I couldn't . I actually dozed off halfway through the film ! Boring and silly - - a complete waste of time . I give this a 1 . |
478,498 | 463,200 | 219,023 | 1 | Bottom of the barrel | Just dreadful " documentary " about gay stars and some of the movies they made . The narrator ( whoever he is ) is more than a little ill at ease and some the narration comes off sounding real strange . The footage is in poor shape ( most of the clips look like they were taped off of TV ) and some truly questionable information . Do we really need to know about the size of Montgomery Clift's best parts when we're looking at his movies ? Also there is endless footage of Robert Reed in " The Defenders " ( a show he did before " The Brady Bunch " ) with him and the other actors flubbing lines and mugging for the camera . I suppose this does deserve credit for trying this way back in 1980 but it ' a really lousy piece of work . Rent " The Celluloid Closet " instead - - you'll be much better off . A 1 all the way . |
478,919 | 463,200 | 239,948 | 1 | Horrendous | Darren Silverman ( Jason Biggs ) falls in love with Judith Fessbegler ( Amanda Peet ) a horrible , cruel , controlling woman who forces him to dump his two best friends . . . Wayne ( Steven Zahn ) and J . D . ( Jack Black ) . To get him back and " save " him , they kidnap Judith , fake her death and try to hook Darren up with sweet , lovable , soon to be a nun Sandy ( Amanda Detmer ) . Easily the worst comedy of 2001 - - and this is only February ! Very crude ( how did this get a PG-13 ? ) . Also this film has a very low view of women . They're either total bitches ( Judith ) or total morons ( Sandy ) . Men come off slightly better . All the jokes deal with pain , humiliation , violence , bodily functions or center around sex . None of the jokes are funny and you hate all the characters ( with the exception of Sandy ) . Acting - - Biggs is so passive and blank you could care less about him - - another bad performance . Peet is truly vicious as Judith - - - but it's a one note performance ( not entirely her fault . . . the script sucks ) . Zahn and Black are repulsive as Biggs ' pals - - but we're suppossed to root for them . Detmer gives the one good performance , but not enough to save the movie . AVOID AT ALL COSTS ! ! ! ! ! A truly painful film . |
478,968 | 463,200 | 71,674 | 1 | Saw this on TV when I was 12 ! ! ! ! | There was a big controversy when this first played on TV . It was on at 8 : 00 ( I believe ) and the TV station ( I THINK it was ABC ) was blasted for showing such a movie of questionable taste so early in the evening . Well , I was 12 when I saw it and I wasn't particularly shocked or upset by it . I found it pretty lame and stupid and didn't find anything funny about a woman forcing a guy to strip nude at gunpoint . And despite what other reviewers have said here rape wasn't even suggested ( from what I remember ) . And she just did it for kicks ( ! ! ! ! ) . This movie also goes out of its way to make fun of Sorvino's character . Sorry but I don't find sexual assault that funny . There's no way this will be seen on TV now ( except maybe VERY late night ) but that's no great loss . I wonder what Paul Sorvino thinks about this now . Silly , stupid and pretty sick . Don't bother . |
477,630 | 463,200 | 71,675 | 1 | THIS was banned in Finland ? ? ? ? ? | A mutated baby ( with fangs and claws no less ) is on the rampage just seconds after being born . POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEADPathetic excuse for a horror film . The story is more than a little stupid , has plot holes big enough for freeway construction and is dull . The acting sucks , the direction is by the numbers and the " special " effects showing the baby are unintentionally hilarious . The baby is almost never seen - - for good reason . When they do show it attacking a man at the end it's one of the most uproarious things I've ever seen . It's very hard to sit there with a straight face seeing this tiny little baby JUMP onto a guy and " attack " him . The premise sounds interesting but , even if you suspend disbelief entirely , who is going to seriously believe a just-born baby is able to slaughter four or five doctors and get out of the operating room and wander all around town without being noticed ? Come on ! For some reason , this film was banned in Finland - - my guess is that the censors saw it and banned it for its lack of quality ! A total fiasco . Avoid . |
479,375 | 463,200 | 218,922 | 1 | Dull dull dull | Antonio Banderas plays a rich Cuban man in the late 1800s-early 1900s , who orders a mail order bride ( Angelina Jolie ) . Unfortunately , she turns out to be a load of trouble . Horrible adaptation of a great book ( " Waltz into Darkness " by Cornell Woolrich ) . There's some beautiful set design , exotic locations and good acting by Banderas and Jolie . None of that can compensate for the leaden pace , horrible script , laughable performance by Thomas Jane ( who appears drunk most of the time ) and annoyingly jerky direction by Michael Cristofer . Also , why does this take place in Cuba ? The original novel is set in America . The only reason to see this tripe is for a very steamy sex scene between Banderas and Jolie within the first half hour . After that , tune out . ALMOST worth sitting through for the real stupid ending ( different from the book ) . A waste of talent . |
478,939 | 463,200 | 67,245 | 1 | Can I vote this a zero ? | A mad doctor ( Bruce Dern ! ! ! ) adds the head of a homicidal maniac to the body and head of a very big mentally-retarded man . The creature escapes and you can guess the rest . Truly horrible , sick horror film with an incredible amount of blood , sadism and sexual content for a PG rated film . The script is full of howlers and has severe continuity problems - - at one point Dern and his wife ( Pat Priest ) are seeing a friend out to his car . It's mentioned a few times that it's late at night , but it's clearly bright and sunny outside ! Also there is noisy , loud " music " in the soundtrack that will set your teeth on edge . As for the acting - - Dern looks miserable ( no shock there ! ) and walks through his role . Poor Pat Priest ! As his wife she's given nothing to do but be a victim or a sex object . She's assaulted ( while in a bikini ) , is tied up ( while in a very small nightgown ) , drugged , hit and locked in a cage ! The woman somehow maintains her dignity . Casey Kasem ( ! ! ? ? ! ! ) plays a best friend ( badly ) . And John Bloom as the mentally-retarded man gives new meaning to the word " wooden " . Everybody else is ever worse ! Bad dialogue , terrible acting , lots of gratuitous violence ( at one point a person's face is blown away ! ) and sex . It's almost bad enough to be good but it's in such incredibly bad taste . And there's a title song ( ! ! ! ) sung by the immortal Bobbie Boyle . Utter trash . Skip it . |
479,463 | 463,200 | 82,511 | 1 | If you're desperate . . . | Four college kids ( 2 girls , 2 boys ) must spend the night in a haunted house to get into the sororities and fraternities they pledged . What they don't know is the house IS haunted by a seemingly unstoppable killer . Who will survive ? Sound familiar ? A very by the numbers horror film utterly devoid of chills or imagination . It was one of the crummy films that everybody was making back in the early 1980s in the wake of the inexplicable success of " Friday the 13th " . This film DOES have Linda Blair in it . . . but she's pretty bad . The only good acting was from handsome , hunky Peter Barton who actually gave us a sympathetic character ( despite the lousy dialogue ) . The worst acting was by idiotic Vincent Van Patten . Apparently he was no joy on the set either . He was supposed to do a nude love scene with his costar ( not Blair ) but refused at the last minute - - he didn't want to tarnish his " image " ! Like being in something called " Hell Night " was going to give you a good reputation ! The movie has no nudity , very little swearing and next to no violence , blood or gore - - - how did this get an R rating ? Very dull - - not even good enough for laughs . Avoid . |
477,629 | 463,200 | 64,363 | 1 | Offensive and unfunny | Just dreadful " comedy " about two young men who pretend to be gay to avoid being drafted . The comedy is horrible - - very childish and stupid . The view of gays is simply unbearable - - all limp-wristed , mincing , lisping men . Basically this film reinforces every single gay stereotype known to man . As a gay man I got so offended I had to stop watching half way through . It doesn't help that the print I saw had color that was so faded it looked like the film was in b & w . I suppose , in a way , this is useful in a historical context ( i . e . to show how negatively gays were thought of in the late 60s ) . But its entertainment value is nil and it's so incredibly offensive it makes " Boys in the Band " look like an uplifting , liberating gay movie . For gay film completists only but be warned again . . . the view of gays here is deplorable . |
478,611 | 463,200 | 82,818 | 1 | Bloody , sick , senseless | An mentally disturbed man kills people . That's it . There's next to no plot , no brains , no nothing ! I saw this thing back in a movie theatre in 1981 . I was equal parts bored , sickened and just amazed at how STUPID this was ! The audience had a great time . . . after half an hour of trying to take it seriously they tore into it . They yelled back at the screen and threw things . . . it made the movie more fun than it actually was . The VERY gory finale ( in slow motion no less ) was a definite highlight . It was sick but at least it wasn't boring . That's the part when most of the audience walked out . Also Tom Savini did NOT do the gore effects here . They advertised that heavily until he sued them - - he said he made some suggestions but that was it . Still , the gore is very good . Still . . . no plot , lousy acting and slow motion axe murders . You decide whether this movie is for you . |
479,442 | 463,200 | 67,361 | 1 | Another crappy Fulci film | An extremely dull murder mystery about murders and a woman who has extremely strange ( and stupid ) dreams and hallucinations . Surprisingly , there's no gore in this film ( usually director Fulci rubs the audience's face in it ) . . . doesn't make it a good film though . The story is slow and confusing , the direction is very annoying ( the strobe lights were particularly grating ) and the acting is lousy . Also there's a lieutenant in the film who is CONSTANTLY whistling . . . I wanted the killer to show up and kill him to shut him up ! There is an OK chase towards the end , but that's about it . I realize Fulci has his admirers - - but why ? His films are pointless , badly dubbed , have unbelievably disgusting gore , no plots and zero characterizations . This is one of the films minus the gore . A total waste of time - - can't say talent because there isn't any . |
478,891 | 463,200 | 320,244 | 1 | One of the worst films of 2003 | Truly horrendous dramatization of the true story of Michael Alig . A gay man , he became the king of the club kid scene in the late 1980s . Eventually he became hooked on drugs which led to his downfall and involved murder . There is only one good thing in this film - - Seth Green's performance as James St . James , Michael's best friend . He's flamboyent , hysterically funny and plays his role with just the right amount of camp . That aside , virtually everything else sucks . The casting of Macaulay Culkin in the lead is easily the worst mistake . He can't act and says everything in a dull monotone with a blank look on his face . He's worse now than when he was a child actor ! Wilmer Valderrama briefly perks up the movie as Michael's lover DJ Keoki . He's incredibly handsome , full of charisma and gives a much better performance than the material deserves . Unfortunately he disappears after the first half hour . Also the movie doesn't play fair here - - when Alig and Keoki are about to kiss , the camera goes black ! I think in the year 2003 audiences can deal with 2 guys kissing - - especially in an R-rated film . Dylan McDermott gives in a dull one-note performance as club owner Pater Gatien . Chloe Sevigny pops up late in the film . . . and is given nothing to do . Wilson Cruz ( looking just great ) also helps the movie playing Angel . . . but is also given nothing to do . The script is scattershoot - - it rambles all over the place and , by the end , you don't know where you are or what's happening . Where is Alig living at the end ? Where is he getting all the drugs when he has no money ? Why does Keoki even bother showing up at the end ? Why does Angel demand money when he knows Alig is broke ? etc etc . Also the direction is WAY off . Half the time the camera isn't even pointing at the actors who are speaking . . . other times it seems to wander around aimlessly . Boring , pointless , unpleasant and seems much much longer than it's 98 minutes . A total waste of time . Avoid at ALL costs ! ! ! ! ! ! |
478,357 | 463,200 | 82,934 | 1 | Poorly cast and dull | In the 1920s drifter Frank Chambers ( Jack Nicholson ) starts doing odd jobs for an alcoholic cafe owner Nick ( John Colicos ) . He then meets Nick's sexy young wife ( Jessica Lange ) . Sex and murder follow . The 1946 version was perfect so , naturally , Hollywood had to redo it . They claimed the original had to be toned down because of the Hays Code ( this is true ) . This version is true to the book - - but bad casting and a SLOW pace destroy it . For starters Nicholson is far too old for the role - - they needed someone in his 20s or 30s . It seems ridiculous that Lange would fall for someone like him . Also Lange was , at that point , still learning as an actress . She's not terrible but not as good as she usually is either . The sex scenes ( which were promoted nonstop during the films production ) aren't much . They're more violent than erotic and seriously - - do YOU want to see Nicholson nude ? Also the story is morbid and slow-moving - - I was seriously bored and depressed halfway through . Nicholson manages to throw in one of his worst performances and , as I said before , Lange isn't that good . This was a major bomb ( for some reason the studio chose to release this around Christmas ! ) and has rightfully been forgotten . A 1 . |
479,585 | 463,200 | 71,206 | 1 | Pretty dreadful - - but kids might like it | This adorable dog ( called various names during the film ) is seemingly loved by the whole town . . . but he's alone . He is friends with two children ( Cindy and Paul played astonishingly bad ) but their father won't let them have a dog . Then Benji meets Tiffany - - ANOTHER adorable dog . They ( instantly ) fall in love and it leads to a hysterical montage of the two of them frolicking in the grass , drinking from a fountain . . . in slow motion no less ! Also Benji lives in the cleanest abandoned house I've ever seen . Then the two kids are kidnapped by the most inept , unfunniest kidnappers I've ever seen and - - wouldn't you know it - - they hide the brats in the exact house Benji lives in ! WOW was this bad ! A huge hit ( for some reason ) in 1974 which led to many sequels ( which I will NOT see ) . The film is just terribly acted with " humor " so unfunny and badly done that you just stare at the TV in amazement . The film also has a song that is played NONSTOP during the movie - - so much that you want to scream . It was inexplicably nominated for Best Song at the Oscars - - it didn't win . Yeah - - the dogs are adorable and much better than the human actors - - but I need more than cute dogs to keep me interested . You might think I'm being a little hard on a kids film but I saw it with my 5 year old nephew . Within 20 minutes he was bored silly and basically stopped watching . I kept watching in hope that it would get better - - it didn't . Really lousy - - but VERY patient kids or dog lovers might like it . Note to parents : It's G rated but a dog is viciously kicked a few times . You don't see it - - you just hear it and the dog survives but this might bother real young kids . |
479,519 | 463,200 | 443,431 | 1 | Pretty dreadful | Puported " comedy " about four gay high school friends who have just graduated . They're all virgins and make a pledge to have sex before they enter college in a few months . The plot is familiar - - just with gay guys this time . For the record I'm gay - - and found this movie repulsive . The humor is sick beyond belief and there are constant scenes of sexual humiliation of the most disgusting kind . More than once I seriously considered leaving . I realize there IS an audience for this type of movie - - I guess I'm not it . To make it worse , all these characters are fairly likable and seeing them constantly being humiliated or suffering severe pain and abuse ( especially Andy ) is not my idea of fun . There's also a fat , aggressive , terribly stereotyped lesbian in this who I seriously wanted to shut up . To make matters worse the actors REALLY overact shamelessly sometimes and jokes about NAMBLA are NOT funny . The few funny parts have take offs on " Carrie " and " Mommie Dearest " and the film DOES look good . . . but I was mostly appalled by what I saw . I give it a 1 but this DOES have an audience . Proceed at your own risk . BTW , it's not rated but would get an NC-17 QUICKLY - - there is plenty of male nudity in this . |
477,612 | 463,200 | 109,592 | 1 | WAY overrated | Rupert Everett plays a man in charge of a cemetery in Italy . The problem is that the dead keep coming back to life and Everett must kill them ( again ) by stopping their brains . Then he meets and falls in love with a beautiful woman . They make love in the graveyard , on top of a grave and things go all wrong . . . I saw this thing ( I can barely call it a movie ) when it slithered on to some art house screens here in America . On one hand I was very pleased to see a film with such incredibly graphic gore get an R rating . But that's about all I liked it about it . Like most Italian horror movies the plot is secondary to gore and imagery but I need a story or at least a character to anchor down a horror movie . . . this has neither . It's full of people with no personality whatsoever ( Everett plays the whole role with a blank face ) and the " plot " just comes and goes and makes precious little sense . Also this movie wavers VERY uncomfortably between black humor and gory horror and achieves neither . If all you care about is a pointless movie with gory violence ( and the expected female nudity ) this is for you . I was frustrated and actually very bored by the end . The movie does deserve credit - - it somehow made blood and gore LOOK boring ! ! ! ! A complete waste of time - - I can't say talent because there isn't any in front or behind the camera . A 1 . |
479,461 | 463,200 | 82,748 | 1 | Just dreadful | Film takes place in Massachusetts ( obviously it was shot in Spain ) . It starts in the 1940s with a mother catching her young son putting together a jigsaw puzzle of a naked woman . She freaks out , yells at him and orders him to get a plastic trash bag ( which didn't exist in the 1940s ) . He leaves , comes back in with an ax and hacks mommy to pieces . That's the OPENING SCENE ! ! ! ! Then it cuts to 1983 at a college where somebody is hacking young female students into pieces . But who . . . and why ? You won't really care . Aside from Christopher George and Lynda Day George all the actors are ( badly ) dubbed ( I love how the dean of a MA college has an ENGLISH accent ) . The story doesn't make a lick of sense , the gore is explicit and pretty sick ( this was released unrated in the US ) and it's surprisingly dull at times . Even the casting was way off - - one of the characters is ( purportedly ) the school stud but he's played by a short , below average looking guy with no body whatsoever ! There's a sequence with him and a woman in bed which is hilarious . Basically this film was made to show off tons of blood and gore . I have no problem with that at all - - but that's all the movie has . Supposedly the dreadful dubbing was purportedly done badly so people would laugh at it . . . . but it's kind of hard to laugh at any movie which is shoving VERY explicit gore in your face . I saw it in a theatre in 1983 and no one laughed once . The stupidest murder has to be when one girl is decapitated by HEDGE TRIMMERS - - in broad daylight - - on a college campus - - and NOBODY SEES ANYTHING ! That's about when I gave up on the film - - they're treating the audience like they're full of idiots . And the final revelation of who the killer is was predictable and there's a truly pathetic " shock " at the end . A very sick , nasty , stupid , dull horror film . For gore completists only |
478,226 | 463,200 | 51,381 | 1 | Pretty stupid | A seriously deranged puppet master ( John Hoyt ) somehow makes a machine that shrinks people down to miniature size . One of them is John Agar - - a regular in plenty of B movies from the 1950s and 1960s . They rebel against their creator and try to get back to regular size . This was rushed into production - - and it shows . The year before " The Incredible Shrinking Man " had been a big hit so AIP rushed this one out . " Shrinking Man " had an interesting plot , good acting and great special effects . This one has a stupid plot full of holes , some seriously poor acting ( the usually dependable Hoyt walks through this one ) and subpar special effects . The only thing this dud has going for it is a good performance by Agar . Boring , silly and stupid . If you're a fan of cheesy B flicks from the 1950s you might get a kick out of this . Otherwise - - avoid . A 1 . |
479,315 | 463,200 | 82,696 | 1 | Hilarious ! | Another stupid slasher film from the 80s . Basically it involves a bunch of idiots at a summer camp ( in November ! ) unwittingly bringing to life a monster who likes axing his victims . . . or something like that . Who cares ? The movie is crap ! All the characters are annoying and ( with the exception of Gaylen Ross from " Dawn of the Dead " ) the acting sucks . There are some truly ridiculous scenes - - a man gets his head cut off and , a few minutes later , a girl comes by , looks at the bloody headless body and says " Are you OK ? " ; a couple are making love in a tent - - their friends outside tell them to come out - - the guy yells " COMING ! " etc etc . There are only two highlights here - - the death by the hood of a trunk and a nice shot of a guy's butt while going into a hot tub ( it's rare you get any male nudity in a horror film ) . But that's no reason to see this . I saw it at a theatre back in 1982 full of high school students ( despite the R rating ) . They laughed all the way through and thought it was a good comedy ! And there's even room for a SEQUEL ( which never happened ) . As it stands it's almost impossible to find a copy of this now - - that's a good thing ! Avoid . |
479,352 | 463,200 | 82,806 | 1 | Bottom of the barrel | The story has already been summarized by previous posters so I won't bother . This is a rock-bottom , stupid , boring , horrendous " Halloween " clone - - HORROR movie is right ! The plot is silly ( killing people for every hour it turns midnight across the U . S . - - please ! ) , the performances are truly bad ( it's truly astounding at how bad Roz Kelly was - - you just stare at the screen in amazement . It's no wonder she's not in films anymore ) . Also the music - - this was NOT punk rock ! ! ! ! This is some Hollywood studios version of it . Also the " dances " the kids did were hilariously bad ( also those are the cleanest punks I've ever seen ) . But , more often than not , I was bored . Bad acting ( everybody is bad - - I mean EVERYBODY ) , a plot that is totally predictable ( I figured out the killer within 10 minutes ) , very minor gore ( yes , that's a problem - - this IS an early 80s slasher film after all ! ) , unlikable characters , HUGE gaps in logic . . . need I go on ? A must-miss . It might be fun to sit around watching it with a bunch of friends and tear it apart . |
477,658 | 463,200 | 339,209 | 1 | Just dreadful gay coming of age movie | Movie about a college guy who is confused about his sexuality . He's in a fraternity and keeps it hidden from his fraternity brothers . Then he meets a male student he's attracted to and things come out in the open . PLOT SPOILERS ! ! ! I caught this a few years ago at a Gay & Lesbian Film Festival . I had blocked it - - for good reason - - until I saw it here . It's all come roaring back . First off , the basic plot is OK but this takes forever to get going . Secondly , the acting really REALLY sucks . I notice that most of the " actors " here never made another movie . Thirdly , it's flatly directed with faded color and occasionally inaudible sound . Fourth , you don't care about the characters or situations for one second . Five , the reactions of the fraternity brothers to one of their own being gay were so accepting it's almost comical . Six , it's so obvious the two actors are hating every second of the ( one ) gay kiss in this . Some people mention there was some full frontal nudity and butt shots ( I seriously don't remember any ) but you don't want to see ANY of these guys nude . You can rent a gay porno for hot nude guys . This may have been made with serious intentions but the lousy script and bad acting destroy it . At the film festival this was met with dead silence and lots of people walked out complaining how bad it was . There are many other better gay movies out there . Skip this one . |
478,853 | 463,200 | 339,210 | 1 | Saw it when I was 13 at 11 : 30 at night . . . . | and thought it was the stupidest thing I ever saw . For starters this was not the Superman in the comics . Where was Lex Luthor , Perry White , Jimmy Olsen ? They're not here . Also the guy who played Superman could act - - but wasn't muscular and couldn't sing . The songs I remember were dreadful , the sets were made of cardboard , the special effects abysmal ( even by 1975 TV standards ) , the jokes totally unfunny and most of the cast overacted to a ridiculous degree . I do remember sort of liking Loretta Swit . . . but that's about it . There's a GOOD reason this isn't available on video or DVD . . . it's just horrible . Makes the " Batman " TV show of the 1960s look like high art . A 1 . |
478,094 | 463,200 | 959,086 | 1 | Lord - - was this BAD ! ! ! ! ! | An dreadful " update " of Flash Gordon . He's a small town athlete who father ( maybe ) died under mysterious circumstances . Through a bunch of silly events he goes to Mongo ( through a door between dimensions right out of " Sliders " ) along with his ex Dale Arden . There they meet Ming and his daughter who want . . . oh I give up ! This was just TERRIBLE ! ! ! I don't know why I thought Sci Fi would make a good series ( look at " Battlestar Galactica " ) but this is worse than I thought possible . There's no camp at all - - a serious mistake . That's what made the 1980 movie so much fun . Everything is done dead serious here . The actors are all certainly attractive ( especially Eric Johnson as Flash ) but the acting is just incredibly awful . I wasn't expecting Academy award performances but not THIS bad ! Everybody was so wooden ! They were hired for their looks and bodies - - not acting ability . However the script was so terrible - - boring and badly written - - that probably nobody could have been good . The special effects were ( even for Sci Fi ) terrible . Boring , badly updated , horribly acted . Hopefully this will disappear soon . If they camped it up it could only help . |
479,011 | 463,200 | 101,917 | 1 | Bottom of the barrel here | It WAS supposed to be the last Freddy movie ( and it was for over 10 years ) - - you would think they would have tried to get a good movie done . But they turned out giving us the worst of the series ( and that's saying a lot ) . The plot made no sense ( I seriously can't remember it ) , all the main characters were idiots ( you REALLY wanted them dead ) and Freddy's wisecracks were even worse than usual . The only remotely good bit about this was a brief ( and funny ) cameo by Johnny Depp ( the first " Nightmare " movie was his first ) . Also I originally saw it in a theatre were the last section ( reaccounting Freddy's childhood ) was in 3-D . Well - - the 3-D was lousy - - faded colors and the image going in and out of focus . Also the three flying skulls which were supposed to be scary ( I think ) had the opposite reaction from my audience . EVERYBODY broke down laughing . Looks even worse on TV in 2-D . Pointless and stupid - - very dull also . Skip this one and see " Freddy vs . Jason " again . |
477,667 | 463,200 | 156,843 | 1 | Not as much fun as " Plan 9 " | Ed Wood's followup to " Plan 9 from Outer Space " . Lt . Bradford ( Duke Moore ) and patrolman Paul Kelton ( Paul Marco ) go investigate a deserted house where strange things are happening . There they find Dr . Acula ( sigh ) ( Keene Dunacn ) who's a phony spiritualist trying to bilk wealthy people by " contacting " their dead spouses . This is the legendary Wood film that sat unreleased for 25 YEARS because Wood couldn't pay the lab bill ! It has the typical Wood ingredients - - a bad script , lousy acting ( although Moore wasn't bad ) , a stubborn refusal to make sense and dreadful direction and editing . However it's not as bad ( or as funny ) as " Plan 9 " or " Bride of the Monster " were . This is just pretty boring stuff . It has some fun moments - - Tor Johnson's truly laughable makeup job and a bewildering séance ( where someone is shot at multiple times and someone is knocked out cold - - and no one bats an eyelash ) but it's mostly just dull . Even Criswell ( narrating from a coffin this time ) seems to just be going through the motions . And good luck explaining what the Black Ghost is doing in this ! Pretty bad . . . even for Wood . I give it a 1 . |
477,408 | 463,200 | 156,841 | 1 | Next WORST Thing ! | Gay Robert Whittaker ( Rupert Everett ) gets best friend Abbie Reynolds ( Madonna ) pregnant after one drunken night . She has the baby and they agree to live together and raise the child . Everything is fine until she falls in love with handsome Ben Cooper ( Benjamin Bratt ) . . . and wants full custody of their child . Yawn . This has been done before , but never this badly . The script is lousy ( some of the lines were beyond belief ) , Madonna's acting was terrible ( no shock there ) , the direction off ( I could direct better than this ! ) , badly edited and it's just plain dull ! The " comedy " wasn't funny , the " drama " has been done before in countless Lifetime movies on TV and it gets annoying that Hollywood thinks that a gay man getting a little drunk could automatically sleep with a woman . Speaking as a gay man myself , I can tell you , that isn't the case ! Also Madoona looks terrible here . She's supposed to be 34 ! She was 42 when she made this - - and looks it . SPOILER AHEAD . Also at the end , Madonna is happily married , but Everett is still alone . I guess it's OK for the straight woman to find the man of her dreams , but not the gay guy . SPOILER ENDThere are a few good things about the movie - - Lynn Redgrave shines in a supporting role and Everett was as good as was humanly possible . Also it's fun to see Michael Vartan in an early role and Neil Patrick Harris playing gay six years before he came out ! But , all in all , this is a total mess - - not worth anyone's time . Sadly , great director John Schlesinger's last film . Avoid . |
479,547 | 463,200 | 114,345 | 1 | Hysterical | VERY stupid adaptation of Nathaniel Hawthorne's classic . For one thing Demi Moore is totally miscast in the title role . I have nothing against her - - she can be good in the right roles . . . but casting her as a Puritan was just stupid . Gary Oldman looks like he doesn't know what the hell he's doing in this and Robert Duvall sadly embarasses himself . I ( unfortunately ) saw it in a theatre back in 1995 ( Yup - - I PAID to see this movie ! ) . There were a bunch of English school teachers in attendance . They started laughing during the opening credits which says the movie is " based on characters created by Hawthorne " and didn't let up during the entire movie . Actually their comments were more enjoyable than the movie itself . And they REALLY howled at the end which was totally different from the book ! Also , at 135 minutes , it's WAY too long . Really . . . who thought this was a good idea ? Why take a classic book and screw it over completely ? Thankfully , this seems to be forgotten - - it should stay that way . Don't bother . |
477,340 | 463,200 | 29,120 | 1 | One of Crawford's worst | Elaborate , star-studded movie about a jewel thief ( Joan Crawford ) falling in love with a man she's supposed to rob . . . or something like that . This is a horrible movie - - just one of the worst I've ever seen . It is beautiful to look at , has a great cast and they all give great performances ( especially Crawford - - she's gorgeous and letter perfect in her role ) . Then why do I hate this so much ? The dialogue and plot . The plot is as old as the hills and the script is chock-full of totally unbelievable dialogue that no human being would ever utter . Virtually every other line was so bewildering that I could not get into the characters or the story . Also the film is very static - - it feels very much like a stage play filmed . And it's very , very slow and dullMaybe I shouldn't judge the film - - as it is I tried to watch it twice and fell asleep both times ! I made it through an hour and then dozed off . I think the stupid dialogue kept me awake for that long . This film was unavailable ( for some reason ) from the 1960s to the early 1980s . Unfortunately it's now out there . Do yourself a favor - - if you're a Crawford fan ( like I am ) don't see this . It's really terrible . |
478,251 | 463,200 | 82,083 | 1 | Yawn ! | Silly horror film . At a California beach people are being pulled INTO the sand and are never seen again . Obviously there's something under there . . . but the police don't want to be bothered . Hunky lifeguard David Huffman and his whiny girlfriend try to find out what's going on . I gotta admit this has a decent idea ( people being attacked BY the beach ) but is really poorly done . The story is totally by the numbers ( it's basically " Jaws " on dry land ) as are all the characters . The acting is awful , there's next to no gore and when you finally see the creature it's pretty laughable ( I saw it at a theatre in 1981 - - the audience howled when the monster appeared at the end ) . The only bright spot for me was seeing David Huffman . He wasn't that great of an actor but he's VERY handsome and fills out the skimpy bathing suit he wears quite well . Sadly he was stabbed to death in 1985 . And I do have to admit - - this is one of the few horror movies that make the guy a sex object and not a female . So , aside from his looks and body this movie has nothing to recommend it . I give it a 1 . |
479,551 | 463,200 | 52,077 | 1 | Terrible but amusing | OK - - this film is terrible ( I give it a 1 ) BUT I'd be lying if I didn't say I enjoyed it - - for laughs ! Lousy acting , TERRIBLE sets ( LOVE the cockpit of the plane and the obvious plastic tombstones ) and the hilarious " special " effects ( the flying saucers were painted pie tins - - and it shows ) . The script is beyond belief ! Seriously , did ANYONE think this was written by someone in the right frame of mind ? The dialogue was just dreadful . Also the actors were directed all wrong - - if they in fact WERE directed . Notice how the police inspector uses his gun to scratch his face , push up his hat , wave in a general direction . . . and everybody acts as this is perfectly normal . And Ed Wood . . . he was no director and had zero talent . I love how shots go from night to day to night again for no apparent reason . And poor Bela Lugosi ! He was reduced to doing THIS ? He has no dialogue and ( before filming was completed ) he died . So they got a guy ONE FOOT TALLER than Lugosi to play him by holding a cloak over his face ! The other actors are ( to put mildly ) terrible . This is not the worst film ever made ( " Salo " gets that dubious honor ) but it's definitely down there . It should be seen with an audience - - it's actually funnier that way . Among the amusing lines : " You're all stupid stupid STUPID ! Don't you see ? Don't you see ? " " We are all interested in the future for that's where you and I will spend the rest of our lives . " " He's dead . . . murdered and someone's reasponsible ! " |
477,767 | 463,200 | 285,462 | 1 | Homophobic , sexist , stupid and dull | Alleged " comedy " about two straight men - - Jerry ( Cuba Gooding Jr . ) and Nick ( Horatio Sanz ) - - who mistakenly get stuck on a gay cruise . Naturally all the gay men are blatantly offensive stereotypes - - sex-obsessed , feminine , lisping and ( of course ) they all love drag . About a half hour in they run into a all-female Swedish sun tanning team ( don't ask ) so we can have juvenile sexist sex jokes and show women in tiny bikinis . A few offensive lesbian jokes are thrown in too . As a gay man I found this horribly offensive and not even remotely funny . A certain ice sculpture shown made me want to throw something heavy at the TV . I'm sick and tired of all gay men being shown as lisping , feminine people . To make things worse the film throws in a few short lines about how great gay people are - - then goes right back to comic gay-bashing . And , worst of all , we have the very unfunny Will Ferrell do a cameo . The film has a few OK things - - Roger Moore plays a gay man very well , the soundtrack is good and the overreaction of Gooding and Sanz when they find they're on the wrong cruise is somewhat amusing . The acting doesn't really help . Gooding overacts constantly - - he got annoying real quick ( can we take back that Oscar he got ? ) ; Sanz is obnoxious and unfunny ; Roselyn Sanchez has a few good moments and Vicica A . Fox pops up briefly doing OK . This film was a HUGE bomb at the box office ( for good reason ) and is just a stupid piece of garbage . Everybody connected with this should be embarrassed . I really wish I could rate this lower than 1 . |
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