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518,282 | 8,239,592 | 73,896 | 10 | A truly terrific 70's drive-in trucker classic | One of the earliest - - and hence best - - of a handful of 70's trucker movies , a once quite hot , but now hopelessly passé sub-genre which beget a mixed bag of films which includes the stellar Claudia Jennings vehicle " Truck Stop Women , " the not half bad Peter Fonda pic " High Ballin ' , " the great'n'gritty overlooked sleeper " Road Movie , " Sam Peckinpah's excruciatingly stupid " Convoy , " the alarmingly atrocious Chuck Norris chopsocky turkey " Breaker ! Breaker ! , " and the sturdy made-for-TV item " Steel Cowboy . " Jan-Michael Vincent , whose career in the Me Decade was all over the map , peaking with " The Mechanic " and " Big Wednesday " and hitting a wonderfully wretched all-time low with the gloriously godawful post-nuke sci-fi atrocity " Damnation Alley , " here gives one of his strongest , most convincing and engaging performances to date as Carrol Jo Hummer , an earnest , moral , youthful independent Diesel driver who finds out that his employers are crooked bastards who sell illegal contraband on the side . Greatly appalled by this discovery , Hummer decides to blow the whistle on the entire unlawful business , becoming a modern-day folk hero in the process and subsequently putting both himself and his plucky wife Jerri ( a stand-out portrayal by the always fine and assertive Kay Lenz ) in considerable jeopardy . Director Jonathan Kaplan , who was then on a real B-movie roll churning out such kick-ass exploitation flicks as " Night Call Nurses , " " The Student Teachers , " and " Truck Turner " on a regular basis , hits a brisk , solid groove at the very start of the film and masterfully sustains it to the thrilling end , expertly milking the forever effective and appealing " one lone little man against the big , bad system " populist hero subtext in Ken Friedman's tightly efficient script for maximum socko entertainment . Kudos also to the exceptional supporting cast ridden with familiar film faces : the late , great , ever-delightful Slim Pickens as corrupt truck stop manager Duane Haller , L . Q . Jones at his most sublimely slimy and serpentine as head heavy Buck Westle , Martin Kove as one of Westle's thuggish goons , R . G . Armstrong as a shifty , manipulative prosecuting attorney , veteran character actor Don Porter as the smug CEO who's running the whole no-count operation , frequent Kaplan pic co-star Johnny Ray McGhee as an angry black trucker , Sam Laws as McGhee's rascally lovable ol ' coot pop , and the irreplaceable Dick Miller as fidgety , peppery gear-jammer R . " Birdie " Corman . Further enhanced by Fred Koenekamp's crisp , inventive cinematography , David Nichtern's stirring score , and Valerie Carter tearfully warbling the marvelously mawkish country-and-western weeper " Drifting and Dreaming of You " all of three times on the soundtrack , " White Line Fever " gets a hearty ten-four from your good buddy film critic as quintessential 70's drive-in cinema at its most bluntly exciting and unpretentious best . |
518,633 | 8,239,592 | 225,499 | 10 | A wonderfully rude , wild and raucous 80's punk rock riot | Brassy lead singer Kitty ( the adorable Jennifer Schwartz ) , spunky bass player Bunny ( the equally cute Hilary Rubens ) and feisty drummer Patch ( the likewise attractive Janet Housden ) are the hottie 18-year-old girl members of the scrappy all-female punk band the Lovedolls . The Lovedolls prove to be a fleeting flash-in-the-pan success ; their fifteen minutes of fame are severely undermined by sleazy no-count heel manager Johnny Tremaine ( deliciously overplayed to the sensationally slimy hilt by Steve McDonald ) and the rival group the She Devils , a nasty bunch who are led by the spiteful and venomous Tania Heart ( the splendidly snarky Tracy Lea ) . Technically , this fabulously flipped-out micro-budget underground indie cult favorite is extremely rough around the edges , with the sloppy storytelling , ragged editing , gritty , washed-out photography , crummy acting , lousy sound , and terrible lip-syncing all adding immensely to the movie's infectiously raw'n'ratty schlocky camp charm . Moreover , the often sidesplitting dialogue ( " Thanks for killing my mom " ) , authentically grungy Los Angeles locations , the catchy , thrashy punk soundtrack ( the Red Kross theme song in particular seriously smokes ) , the insanely eventful narrative , an excitingly vibrant depiction of the gnarly 80's punk scene , the hilariously lowbrow humor , the expected terrifically trashy clichés involving the dangers of sex and drugs ( Johnny's nightmarish bad acid trip sequence is simply astonishing ) , colorfully wacky characters and an overall sense of gloriously gonzo go-for-it glee and gusto ensure that this beautifully berserk baby is a total rollicking blast of pure in-your-face impudent and irreverent 80's punk attitude and energy . |
519,250 | 8,239,592 | 245,120 | 10 | A terrifically trashy vampire horror treat | While driving a delivery car across desolate desert badlands backroads self-absorbed twentysomething slacker Sean ( amiable Kerr Smith ) winds up running into both scruffy vampire hunter Nick ( an excellent , charismatically ragtag turn by Brendan Fehr ) and a deadly bunch of age-old itinerant bloodsuckers led by the smoothly malevolent Kit ( the terrific Jonathan Schaech , who's wonderfully wicked in a juicy full-blown nasty villain part ) . Opening with the arresting image of beautiful blonde babe Izabella Miko washing blood off her bare breasts in the shower , culminating with an exciting explosive climax , with a handy helping of graphic gore , raucous roaring rock music and rousing vehicular action sandwiched in between , this delightfully down'n'dirty low-budget Grade B exploitation horror flick sizes up as a tasty trashy treat . Writer / director J . S . ( " The Slayer , " " Shadowzone " ) Cardone elicits sound performances from the entire cast ( veteran late , great character actress Carrie Snodgress in particular contributes a lively last reel cameo as a feisty old battle axe ) , keeps the unflagging pace fast'n'furious throughout , and , most importantly , delivers the unapologetically lowdown sleazy goods with a winning dearth of pretense and a hugely satisfying surplus of rip-snorting panache . Moreover , there's a marvelously positive and optimistic statement about the redemption of Generation X in this movie : Sean starts out as strictly interested in achieving his own immediate goals in life , but by meeting Nick and joining forces with him to fight the vampires he overcomes his initial selfishness and thus redeems himself in the process . Cardone persuasively makes the point that the allegedly " lost " and hopeless Generation X has a latent capacity to amount to something ; all they need is the right stimulus to spark them into action . Since I'm often perceived as a member of this " lost " generation , I found this message to be both very refreshing and extremely heartening . It's nice to know that there are a few filmmakers out there like Mr . Cardone who haven't totally written us off as a lost cause . A splendidly scuzzy and snappy dilly that's one of my favorite fright features of the early 21st century which even comes complete with some pertinent social commentary about modern youth . |
518,804 | 8,239,592 | 56,703 | 10 | A simply spectacular motion picture | Late , great crazy creepo character actor extraordinaire Timothy Carey really outdoes himself with this wonderfully warped crackpot classic . Carey wrote , produced , directed , distributed , plays the lead , and even sings and dances in this positively insane knockout about Clarence Hilliard , a fortyish insurance salesman who up and quits his dreary dead end job so he can start life afresh by denouncing God and preaching a blasphemous alternate religion where every person can not only have eternal life , but also become a god in their own right and live life however they please . Assisted by loyal Mexicon gardener Alonzo ( ripely played by Ray Dennis Steckler movie regular Titus Moode ) , Clarance , now calling himself God Hilliard , sporting a fake pasted on goatee , and clad in a gleaming gold lame suit , first wins over the masses by singing his unholy word while backed up by a hideously sludgy , tuneless and off-key band and doing these hilariously arrhythmic herky-jerky Elvis-style gyrating pelvis moves while performing on stage . Then Clarence goes an extra step further off the deep end by creating the Eternal Man's Party and running for president . Clarence incites riots ( " We are all gods ! , " the crowd exclaims as they demolish cars , buildings and park benches ) , beds countless female followers ( who include an elderly woman and a 14-year-old girl ! ) , advises weak , doubting nonbelievers to commit suicide , neglects his loving wife and kids , gets condemned in the press as an atheist , and dares the Supreme Being to produce some tangible , irrefutable evidence that confirms his very existence . Carey's raving , impassioned , amazingly manic'n'frantic fruitbag performance , ably supported by the frenetic whirlwind pace , crude , disjointed narrative , grainy , washed-out black and white photography , Frank Zappa's overwrought full orchestral score , nutty dialogue , hip opening credits rockabilly theme song set to a socking diddy bop beat , choppy editing , the plummy , dulcet baritone of Paul Frees as the voice of Satan ( personified here as a snake ) , and general air of gloriously gonzo abandon , sets this stupendously sordid and sacrilegious stunner right over the edge , boldly ( and gleefully ) defying any remote semblance of either good taste or proper social restraint . A simply astonishing picture . |
518,668 | 8,239,592 | 87,799 | 10 | It's the end of the world as we know it - - and it's like so totally rad , y'know ? ! | Tough , smart Los Angeles resident Regina ( smoking hot brunette Catherine Mary Stewart of " The Last Starfighter " ) and her flighty younger sister Samantha ( adorably bubbly blonde sprite Kelli Maroney of " Fast Times at Ridgemont High " ) are amongst a small handful of folks left alive after the bulk of the planet's population are turned into red dust by a passing comet . Other survivors include " Eating Raoul " ' s Robert Beltran as a hunky nice guy truck driver , your standard assortment of hostile rot-faced , sunken-eyed zombies , a vicious gang of nihilistic punk psycho stock boys , and a team of evil mad scientists who include the ever-twitchy Geoffrey Lewis and ravishing femme fatale supreme Mary Woronov . Writer / director Thom Eberhardt takes an unpromisingly generic sci-fi / horror end-of-the-world premise and gives it a marvelously clever , witty and inspired tongue-in-cheek hip'n'flip 80's makeover : the characters are refreshingly humane and engaging , the witty dialogue frequently hits the sidesplitting snappy spot ( " Hey , I'm sorry if the end of the world makes me nervous " ) , the New Wave rock soundtrack seriously smokes , and in the film's single most delightful sequence Regina and Samantha joyfully ransack a swank department store for all the gnarly fashionable clothes they can get their eager little adolescent hands on ( appropriately enough , " Girls Just Wanna Have Fun " plays on the soundtrack during this simply spectacular sequence which speaks volumes about the shallow materialistic culture of the 80's . Instead of stockpiling essential things like food and water these girls amass a large array of trendy apparel ) . Better still , there's a wonderfully natural and appealing breezy'n'easy chemistry between Stewart and Maroney ; their sweet , lively and often amusing rapport keeps the picture fun and bouncy throughout . Furthermore , the eerie shots of the empty and abandoned desolate city streets are quite striking and the ferocious zombies deliver several truly creepy and startling moments . Popping up in cool cameos are Michael ( " Forbidden World , " " Valley Girl " ) Bowen as an early victim , Ivan E . Roth as the terrifying leader of the psycho stock boys , and Sharon Farrell as the girls ' bitchy stepmom . Arthur Albert's crisp , handsome cinematography ( the use of funky dusky red filters is especially impressive and effective ) , David Richard Campbell's nifty spacey synthesizer score , and David Miller's neat make-up f / x are all on the money excellent . A total blast . |
519,036 | 8,239,592 | 83,930 | 10 | An absolutely awesome and unjustly overlooked blithely amoral prison movie knockout | One of the most exquisitely trashy - - and hence best - - seriocomic crime / prison movies to ever ooze onto celluloid . James Woods , that splendidly spacey , spastic , spindly stringbean who's turned sleazily engaging pent-up intensity into something of a modern science , is very much in his usual mondo nutzoid element as Frank " Fast Walking " Miniver , a lazy , dissolute , laid-back , don't-give-a-st-about-nothing , weed-toking , on the take Texas jail-house guard who's got his fingers in several filthy pies : he runs dope for cunning , calculating , double-dealing control freak top con Wasco ( a magnificently lordly , mesmerizing , darkly charismatic characterization by the late , great Tim McIntire ) , helps Susan Tyrell run a south-of-the-border brothel , and has been hired by opposing racial factions to either protect or bump off powerful black civil rights leader Robert Hooks . The bang-up supporting cast smokes in no uncertain terms : a sensationally sassy'n'sexy Key Lenz as McIntire's fiery , fetching hot tramp main squeeze , M . Emmet Walsh , who scuzzes it up with his customary rip-snorting aplomb as the crooked chief of security ; and a beautifully battered Timothy Carey as a foolishly obdurate elderly felon with exclusive dibs on the behind bars drug trade ( McIntire's fabulously flamboyant spiel in which he explains to Carey how he's going to claim a monopoly on all the drug trafficking and bust it wide open by catering to the individual whims of each ethnic group serving time in the pokey is a real gem ) , plus colorful bits by such reliable thespians as Lance LeGault ( as the ramrod captain of the guard who's itching to fire Woods ) , K . Callan , Sandy Ward ( as the ineffectual warden ) and the chronically geeky Sydney Lassick . Writer / director James B . Harris never makes a single misstep , tossing in enough seedy subplots , assorted sordid antics , startling plot twists , and smack dead on the money exploitation movie ingredients ( wall-to-wall nudity , sex , illicit narcotics of every kind , seething racial tension , profanity-ridden dialog , lowbrow raunchy jokes - - y'know , the whole gnarly'n'nasty nine yards ) to keep this delectably decadent doozy constantly entertaining throughout . Moreover , we've got Lalo Schifrin's flavorful jump band blues score , smashingly clear-eyed cinematography by King Baggott , a uniquely twisted sense of black-as-midnight goof-ball humor , and , natch , even a pervasively cynical and nihilistic edifying moral : If you put a whole bunch of ethically lacking scumballs together under one roof they'll get worse instead of better because they can take full advantage of the opportunity to feed off one another's moral baseness like a pack of leeches . Now , how could any fervent , hardcore , dyed-in-the-wool B-movie aficionado possibly pass this baby up ? Well , the answer is you just can't , because this first-rate blithely amoral treat is quite simply the authentic funky article . |
518,932 | 8,239,592 | 70,222 | 10 | A truly terrific , nicely naughty and often uproarious 70's sci-fi / horror sexploitation hoot | This gloriously gaga piece of prime drive-in sci-fi / horror sexploitation junk could have only been made in the 70's . It's a wonderfully raunchy and raucous romp about a deadly strain of sexually insatiable and incredibly desirable mutant young woman who cause men to have fatal massive heart attacks while engaging in strenuous coitus with them ! It's up to stalwart FBI agent Neil Agar ( the almighty William Smith in peak rugged and charming form ) to thwart the luscious ladies . He's assisted by the prim , yet still attractive Julie Zorn ( delectable blonde bombshell and " Playboy " Playmate Victoria Vetri of " When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth " fame ) . Director Dennis Sanders has a ball with Nicholas Meyer's wicked witty and wacky tongue-in-cheek script ; he expertly maintains a constant snappy pace , elicits lively and appealing performances from a game cast , and keeps the humor suitably naughty and lowbrow throughout . Both Gary Graver's snazzy photography and Charles Bernstein's groovy score further add to the immensely outrageous fun . But it's the downright delicious cast of gorgeous gals who portray the titular lethal lovelies who make this film such a terrifically trashy treat : Sultry brunette knockout and original " The Price Is Right " game show model Anitra Ford seriously sizzles as the scientist who's behind the whole nutty nefarious plot while such similarly smoking hot soft-core starlets as Rene Bond , Sharon Kelly and Beverly Powers strut their scorching stuff as fellow beautiful bee babes . Plus there's fun supporting performances by Cliff Osmond as the puzzled police captain , Ben Hammer as a bored research scientist who's eager to cheat on his wife ( Ford's fireside seduction of Hammer is genuinely steamy ) , " The Worm Eaters " writer / director Herb Robbins as a local trouble-making redneck , and Cliff Emmich as a sarcastic coroner . Moreover , the gratuitous nudity is quite plentiful , the sex scenes are very arousing , and the blithely silly tone proves to be positively infectious . A fabulously flaky 70's cult classic that's essential viewing for devout aficionados of terminally offbeat low-budget schlock cinema . |
518,019 | 8,239,592 | 77,834 | 10 | It's a groovy blast , man ! | Charles Band , one of the true masters of choice crappy nickel'n'dime cinematic crud , strikes again with this typically shoddy , but oddly appealing and immensely enjoyable sci-fi / action sex role reversal of " Carrie . " Kim Milford ( the cocky homosexual car thief in " Corvette Summer " ) cowers , snivels and whimpers his way into viewers ' hearts as Billy , a perpetually taunted small armpit desert town teen wimp who discovers a lethal ray gun and a strange medallion left behind by a blue-faced humanoid alien fugitive . Billy picks up the laser blaster and puts on the medallion , which causes him to mutate into a deadly , blue-skinned , hollow-eyed creature with pointy teeth , green hair and a high forehead . Pretty soon Billy declares open season on every last cruel , browbeating , overbearing dirt-bag ahole slime-ball who ever put a cramp in poor Billy's style ; said worthy targets for ventilation include two jerky police officers , several giggly stoners in a van , and , in a truly inspired , gut-rupturing moment of sheer brazen brilliance , even a hapless roadside " Star Wars " poster ! Moreover , a pair of wizened lizard-like extraterrestrials who resemble gimpy old turtles sans shells come back to reclaim the laser gun and medallion . Without question a very dumb , chintzy , totally bereft of artistic merit slice of absolute low-budget shlockoid cheese , " Laserblast " nevertheless possesses a certain rinky-dink el cheapo charm which makes its substantial cult status deserved and understandable . Director Michael Rae keeps things jumping by blowing something up real good every ten minutes or so , while the slight , just barely there script by Franne Schacht and Frank Ray Perrilli earnestly panders to adolescent male fantasies concerning potency and the need to be back at all those nasty folks who made your teenage growing years the proverbial living hell . The wonderfully off-beat and varied cast is another valid reason for the film's loyal fan following : the late , great , ever-angelic and eminently huggable 70's drive-in movie goddess Cheryl " Rainbeax " Smith portrays Billy's caring , concerned girlfriend with her usual disarming sweetness , Keenan Wynn grouches it up delightfully as Cheryl's crotchety crackpot World War II vet grandpa , Gianno Russo eschews his standard Mafiosa persona for a rare right-side-of-the-law change-of-pace part as a meddlesome FBI agent , Roddy McDowell puts on a fretful face for his minor role as a friendly physician who winds up at the receiving end of Billy's ray gun , and both Dennis Burkley as a hectoring hick cop and a hilariously miscast Eddie Deezen as an obnoxiously nerdy hot-rodder supply significant unintentional comic relief . A driving , pulsating score by Joel Goldsmith and Richard Band , Terry Bowen's clunky cinematography , Steve Neill's goofy make-up f / x , David Allen's endearingly herky-jerky stop motion animation effects ( the lizard guys are genuinely cool ) , and one of those unflinchingly grim and depressing vintage 70's bummer unhappy endings add considerably to " Laserblast " ' s irresistibly lousy allure . Hell , this baby even comes complete with a real heady , if crudely stated central theme : The further Billy embarks on his bloodthirsty , zap ' em all to st vengeance trip , the more increasingly ugly and monstrous he becomes , therefor shedding alarming and profound insight into how revenge causes men to degenerate into foul , unsightly , subhuman beasts . Heavy stuff , man ! |
518,732 | 8,239,592 | 210,070 | 10 | One of the best , most moving and inspired horror films of the early 21st century | Brash hottie redhead Ginger ( a fabulously tart and ferocious performance by the stunningly gorgeous Katharine Isabelle ) and her more plain mousy brunette sister Brigitte ( superbly played by Emily Perkins ) are a couple of weird withdrawn death-infatuated misfit Goth outsider girls living in a stuffy suburban town . A mysterious wild animal has been killing dogs in the neighborhood . One fateful night Ginger gets attacked and bitten by the vicious animal . The animal turns out to be a genuine werewolf . Pretty soon Ginger begins to radically transform , becoming increasingly outgoing , aggressive and even dangerous . It's up to Brigitte and nice guy pot dealer Sam ( a winning portrayal by Kris Lemche ) to figure out a way to cure Ginger's curse before it's too late . Ably directed by John Fawcett , with a strikingly original , intelligent and insightful script by Karen Walton , a supremely eerie and melancholy tone , bright , sparkling , polished cinematography by Thom Best , plenty of truly jolting shocks ( the sequence where Ginger gets mauled is positively harrowing ; another bitterly ironic moment involving an unexpected accidental death in a kitchen is likewise quite jarring ) , a heart-breakingly tragic conclusion , a refreshingly honest and gritty depiction of how messed-up teenagers can be ( the kids in this flick swear a lot , have sex and do drugs , all of which are crucial components of adolescence ) , and a beautifully brooding and moody score by Michael Shields , " Ginger Snaps " turns the werewolf premise right on its ear , using the concept of the lycanthrope as an extremely potent , penetrating and provocative metaphor for the onset of puberty and the painful awkwardness of adolescent growing pains ( Ginger's metamorphosis into a werewolf corresponds with the beginning of her menstrual cycle and subsequent budding of her newfound empowering sexuality ) . Better still , there are even pointed references to such classic fairy tales as " Goldie Locks and the Three Bears , " " The Three Little Pigs , " and especially " Little Red Riding Hood . " The fact that Ginger is both scared and excited by her sudden abnormal dramatic changes qualifies as another smart and effective touch . But what really gives this picture its greatness is the wonderfully astute , moving and above all credible relationship between Ginger and Brigitte . Perkins and Isabelle are both outstanding in the leads , with equally excellent support from Lemche ( who not only serves as Brigitte's love interest , but also ultimately comes through as an engagingly unlikely hero ) , Mimi Rogers as the girls ' blithely clueless mother Pamela , Jesse Moss as thuggish jock Jason , and Danielle Hampton as stuck-up popular girl Trini . An absolute corker . |
519,146 | 8,239,592 | 83,791 | 10 | A wondrous and impressive fantasy adventure marvel | In an alternate world there exists two races : the evil , black-hearted , reptilian Skeksis and the wise , gentle , wizened Mystics . Naive , yet brave lone Gelfling Jen has to find the missing shard of the magical dark crystal and restore it prior to three suns converging . He's assisted on his quest by feisty female Gelfling Kira . If he fails , the vile Skeksis will take over the planet . Directors Jim Henson and Frank Oz relate the simple , yet gripping story with a tremendous sense of awe and splendor while maintaining a generally serious tone that's further spiced up with a fine line in morbidly amusing black humor . Moreover , the elaborately designed fantasy world presented herein is downright staggering in its massive scope and sweep of pure imagination . Better still , the incredibly lifelike and engaging creatures that populate this world possess remarkable conviction and personality : Among the colorful beings to be savored are the vicious crab-like soldiers the Garthim , cranky one-eyed hag oracle Aughra ( marvelously voiced with testy brio by Billie Whitelaw ) , the sweet and hearty Podlings , the tall , lanky , super-fast Landstriders , and cuddly fuzzball Fizzgig . The Skeksis are a gloriously grotesque bunch of cruel and hateful villains ; the sequence with these foul fiends ravenously devouring their diner with disgusting relish rates as a definite revolting highlight . Both Oswald Morris ' breathtaking , expansive cinematography and Trevor Jones ' soaring , stirring , majestic score are on the money terrific . But what really makes this picture so special and resonant is how at heart it's essentially a timeless and touching tale of great courage and heroic sacrifice . A real delight . |
518,346 | 8,239,592 | 65,466 | 10 | A truly astonishing over-the-top epic schlock masterpiece of monolithic proportions | Russ Meyer's stupendously trashy , excessive and gloriously over-the-top horror - splatter - comedy - rock'n'roll - musical - soap opera extravaganza still stands tall and proud as one of the greatest wonderfully wild and crazy satires on Hollywood decadence and debauchery to ever explode across the screen with an unbridled glee and gusto that's a true in-your-face demented joy to behold . A trio of gorgeous busty'n'lusty ladies ( endearingly played by the exquisitely bountiful beauties Cynthia Myers , Dolly Read and Marcia McBroom ) go to Los Angeles to make it in the rock business and hook up with legendary wacko big time producer " Z-Man " ( a marvelously maniacal performance by the amazing John LaZar ) . Pretty soon these heretofore sweet and innocent young women get caught up in the madly swingin ' and amoral hedonistic Hollywood scene of sex , drugs and rock'n'roll , which soon spirals out of control with severe and tragic consequences for all concerned . Meyer directs with his customary enjoyably overheated go-for-it dynamic aplomb , filling the frame with loud , blinding Day-Glow cartoonish colors , eye-filling buxom women whose generous assets burst forth from their tight , clingy apparel ( Edy Williams as a sexually voracious starlet and Erica Gavin as a nice , but predatory lesbian are especially hot and desirable ) , frenzied editing , a furious non-stop pace , broadly drawn caricatures , sumptuously stylized visuals ( the use of super-impositions is absolutely breathtaking ) , and delightfully overblown acting from a uniformly game cast ( Duncan McLeod in particular is a sleazy hoot as a no-count dirtbag lawyer ) . Better yet , the soundtrack of lowdown funky garage rock songs seriously smokes , the plentiful nudity and simulated soft-core sex is genuinely sizzling stuff , the positively insane violent conclusion really delivers the hardcore gruesome gory goods , the splendidly campy dialogue is priceless ( " This is my happening - - and it freaks me out ! " ) , and the shamelessly smutty , leave - no - cliché - unaccounted - for script by none other than Roger Ebert ( ! ) commendably forsakes taste and subtlety in favor of pure crude , raunchy and hilariously bawdy lowbrow humor . A true cult classic that's not to be missed by devout fans of delectably deviant , deranged and depraved oddball cinema . |
519,321 | 8,239,592 | 175,694 | 10 | Shaft ain't got nothing on " The Guy from Harlem " | Tough private detective Al Connors ( the hopelessly wooden Loye Hawkins , who has all the screen presence and charisma of a stale bag of pretzels ) is assigned by the CIA to protect the beautiful African princess Ms . Ashanti ( the hot , but awful Patricia Fulton , who sports an American accent ! ) from no-count criminals . Moreover , Connors gets hired by flamboyant ill-tempered mobster Harry De Bauld ( the outrageously hammy Steve Gallon , who gives the liveliest performance in the film ) to rescue his daughter Wanda ( sassy spitfire Cathy Davis ) from a bunch of evil white kidnappers led by the nefarious Big Daddy ( brawny beefcake hulk Scott Lawrence ) . Man , does this gloriously ghastly no-budget blaxploitation atrocity give the viewer plenty of stupendously stinky cinematic blunders to relish and enjoy . Groan at Rene Martinez , Jr . ' s clueless and fumbling ( non ) direction . Get down with your funky self as you listen to the groovy sub - " Shaft " theme song and monotonously hard-grindin ' soul score . Wince over Gardenia Martinez's hideously dull , talky and uneventful script . Bust a gut at the infrequent and unimpressive poorly choreographed fight scenes . Gaze in total awe at Rafael Remy's horrendously primitive cinematography , which boasts lots of incredibly intense and exciting static medium master shots of people gabbing for what seems like an excruciating eternity . Agonize over the gruelingly slow pace that completely destroys all sense of both tension and momentum . Howl at the uproariously abominable dialogue ( " Tell Big Daddy that nobody fools with The Guy from Harlem , you dig ? " ) . Laugh even harder at the equally terrible acting from a lame no-name cast . A positively astounding monument to sheer mind-numbing celluloid crumminess . |
519,265 | 8,239,592 | 74,356 | 10 | My all-time favorite 70's Bigfoot fright flick | Creature from Black Lake gets my vote as the single most amiable and entertaining Bigfoot fright film to ever amble onto the big screen . John David Carson and the ever-daffy Dennis ( " Truck Stop Women , " " House of 1 , 000 Corpses " ) Fimple display a breezy , relaxed , wholly personable chemistry as two eager beaver college anthropology students who visit a Louisiana stick burg to find out if stories concerning Mr . Size 25 Shoes have any basis in fact . Zestfully directed by Do-It-Yourself regional indie filmmaker Joy Houck , Jr . and cleverly written by Jim McCollough , Jr . ( who co-stars as a wily country boy who befriends our heroes ) , this fine feature boasts an endearingly playful sense of good-natured humor , likable characters , a strong spooky atmosphere , and a tasty , picturesque evocation of the Creole State's lush , marshy bayou . Furthermore , the stellar , spot-on , spirited tearin'-apart-the-scenery performances by dependable seasoned hambones Jack Elam and Dub Taylor add a substantial energy boost to the proceedings . Taylor essays his standard role of a crusty , hot-tempered hillbilly grandpappy with his trademark testy aplomb ( " Dadgum it ! " ) , but Elam steals the the entire show with his growly , eye-rolling portrayal of ornery ol ' swamp cuss trapper Joe Canton ( Elam's " nothin ' " story in particular is an absolute corker ) . Stocky , stony-faced cracker character actor Bill Thurman brings his usual low-key charm and unaffected acting style to the role of a sheriff named after then First Brother Billy Carter . Morgan Fairchild's comely sister Catherine McClenny has a sassy small part as a feisty greasy spoon waitress . In a nifty homage to " The Legend of Boggy Creek " Fimple has the holy living hell scared out of him when a guy catches him off guard while he's urinating behind a bush . The unusually adroit and sporadically expansive widescreen cinematography was done by a fledging Dean Cundey , who eventually established himself as a top director of photography with his groundbreaking gliding camera-work for " Halloween . " Jamie Mendoza-Nava's score deftly alternates between moody , menacing scareshow music and sprightly , st-kickin ' country bluegrass . The film concludes with a genuinely harrowing sequence in which Sasquatch ( Roy Tatum in an up-to-snuff excess body hair outfit ) stalks and attacks our protagonists . All in all , this dandy's a complete winner . |
518,236 | 8,239,592 | 96,149 | 10 | A hilariously horrendous hunk of clunky low-budget sci-fi junk | The peace and serenity of the spaceship Southern Sun gets rudely disrupted by a nasty gang of mutineers led by the evil Flight Commander Elijah Kalgan ( an outrageously hammy portrayal by a constantly scowling John Phillip Law ) . It's up to mighty macho man supreme Dave Ryder ( beefy hunk Reb Brown , who displays all the charisma of a can of spoiled Spam ) to stop Kalgan before it's too late . Poorly directed with jaw-dropping ineptitude by David Winters , further blessed with dreadful acting , rusty tin-eared dialogue ( sample line : " Surrender or be blown into astro dust ! " ) , copious special effects footage lifted from " Battlestar Galactica , " badly staged action scenes ( a protracted chase sequence involving a couple of souped-up futuristic golf carts is especially sidesplitting ) , laughable costumes , tacky opening titles , cheesy ( markedly less than ) special effects , crummy sets ( the spaceship cargo bay looks just like a rundown old oil refinery - - and probably was exactly that ! ) , and the insanely cool-rockin ' ending credits theme song " The Edge of A Dream , " this gloriously ghastly marvel of all-out celluloid awfulness is an uproariously atrocious riot from stinky start to fumbling finish . The uniformly abysmal performances from the Hall of Shame Faded ( Semi ) Name cast provides a lion's share of the unintentional hilarity : Brown projects all the appeal of a smelly plastic bag full of fresh cow excrement , Law cuts loose with the same irritating psycho cackle with appalling regularity , Cameron Mitchell sports a ridiculously fake-looking Santa Claus-style snowy white beard as the wise , gentle Commander Alex Jansen , martial arts movie star James Ryan terribly overacts as the hateful and traitorous cripple MacPhearson , and Graham Clarke sleepwalks through his part as the stolid Captain Scott Devers . Moreover , Cisse Cameron as the spunky Dr . Lea Jansen sure looks cute and steams up the screen with her remarkably sexy hula hoop disco dance . Plus a bunch of yummy psychic alien babes help our heroes out . An absolute cruddy hoot . |
517,911 | 8,239,592 | 387,056 | 10 | An incredibly thorough , informative and intriguing documentary about the making of the landmark sci-fi / horror classic " Alien " | This amazingly compelling and comprehensive retrospective documentary about the making of the fantastic sci-fi / horror masterpiece " Alien " leaves no stone unturned . Among the many people interviewed are director Ridley Scott , writers Dan O'Bannon and Ronald Shussett ( O'Bannon admits that his earlier collaboration " Dark Star " with John Carpenter was a big influence on " Alien " ) , producer David Giler , composer Jerry Goldsmith , editor Terry Rawlings , conceptual designer Ron Cobb , creature designer H . R . Giger , monster head maker Carlo Rambaldi , cinematographer Derek Vanlint , visual effects supervisor Brian Johnson , and cast members Sigourney Weaver ( who had a trial by fire experience on the picture because " Alien " was her first substantial lead role ) , Tom Skerritt , Veronica Cartwright , Harry Dean Stanton , and John Hurt ( who replaced Jon Finch at the eleventh hour ) . Director Charles de Lauzirika covers all the necessary bases in fascinatingly minute detail : the genesis of the story , how the characters were devised as basically truckers in space , the casting process , choosing the right director , designing the sets and the monster , the arduous , demanding and difficult principal shooting of the picture , the filming of the infamous chestburster scene , the editing , Goldmith's beautifully chilling score , shortening the movie to a reasonable two hour length , the visual effects , the use of miniatures , the initial previews for the film , and the movie's tremendous box office success . Although this documentary runs nearly three hours , it's never dull and always engrossing . Absolutely essential viewing for fans of the film . |
519,303 | 8,239,592 | 303,361 | 10 | The insanity of loneliness | May is the kind of film which quietly sneaks up on you , lulls you into a lazy trance and then knocks you flat on your butt when you least expect it , pulling the rug out from under you with a deceptive ease and subtlety that's a true breath-taking wonder to behold . It's the extremely sad , funny and ultimately terrifying in-depth you-are-there intimate and observant portrait of one May ( a simply spectacular performance of exceptional nuance and ability by the remarkable Angela Bettis ) , a painfully shy and awkward social misfit who works as a veterinarian's assistant at a local animal hospital and lives by herself in a tidy little apartment with only a creepy china doll that's kept locked up in a box as her sole friend . Things perk up for the heretofore miserable May when she meets and befriends Adam ( winningly played by the handsome and charming Jeremy Sisto ) , a nice young man with beautiful hands who loves horror movies . Moreover , May's hot , sensuous , predatory lesbian co-worker Polly ( perfectly essayed with deliciously sassy'n'saucy aplomb by Anna Faris ) has developed a lascivious interest in her as well . Alas , both Adam and Polly alike inevitably break May's poor little heart , thus causing May's already fragile hold on sanity to crumble altogether to the point where she goes murderously around the bend . May decides that the only way she will ever have an ideal companion is to make one out of the various body parts of people she kills . Writer / director Lucky McKee has created an astonishingly rich , complex and compelling character study of a fascinatingly messed-up oddball individual which wholly succeeds in making said person a completely tragic and pitiable , although scary and dangerous human being . May isn't some charmless one-dimensional grotesque ; she's an excruciatingly lonely , unloved and pathetic human being whose deep-seated ( and dissatisfied ) need for intimacy and basic human connection causes her to become lethally insane . By allowing a window of understanding and sympathy into May's damaged psyche we the viewer in turn are able to feel sorry for her even though her horrible actions sicken and disturb us . This is the astounding triumph of McKee's outstanding debut feature ; he's created a new anguished and tormented human monster that's the striking modern-day equivalent to such touching fright film monsters of yore as Dracula and Frankenstein's monster . Moreover , the fact that the whole story is totally credible makes it that much more horrifying and unnerving . And it's absolutely heart-wrenching as well in its stupendous poignancy , thanks to Angela Bettis ' profoundly moving and utterly convincing portrayal . A total powerhouse that's a definite four star must-see movie . |
519,367 | 8,239,592 | 56,869 | 10 | Alfred Hitchcock's undeniably outstanding killer animal horror masterpiece | I finally bought a copy of Alfred Hitchcock's undeniably outstanding killer animal fright film masterpiece on DVD and rewatched it . Although I've viewed it many times , " The Birds " still managed to creep me out and make my hair stand on end as I saw it yet again . I think this alone serves a sterling testament to just what a remarkably strong and scary movie " The Birds " truly is . Hitchcock's extremely meticulous and thus thoroughly believable evocation of a pedestrian everyday mundane world populated by ordinary , yet engaging and interesting true-to-life characters going about their usual business that's violently disrupted by the savage , shocking and inexplicable hostile attacks by every kind of bird qualifies as his major artistic triumph here . There's a conviction and plausibility evident in this film which makes it quite powerful and frightening in comparable measure . Moreover , the performances by the top-rate cast are uniformly outstanding ( Tippi Hedren in her delightful film debut , the ever-rugged and appealing Rod Taylor , Jessica Tandy and a very young Veronica Cartwright are all splendid ) , the inspired use of natural sound and conspicuous absence of a standard score is brilliantly effective , the bird attack sequences are stunningly harrowing and horrifying ( the climactic night long siege on the house is an absolute tour-de-force of nerve-wracking terror and tension ) , and the amazingly convincing special effects remain impressive to this very day ( Albert Whitlock's extraordinary matte paintings are simply spectacular ) . Fantastic chillingly ambiguous ending , too . If you haven't seen this one in some time I strongly advise that you watch it again . I'm absolutely certain it will still get under your skin as well . |
518,503 | 8,239,592 | 70,030 | 10 | A terrific allegorical Depression-era period action yarn doozy | Nothing gets my blood a boilin ' somethin ' hot more than watching a rugged , brutal , mighty manly man adventure yarn done with plenty of grit , style , and insight . This truly terrific allegorical Depression-era period action doozy concerning the legendary , almost mythical rivalry between train-jumping hobos and the railwaymen who went out of their way to keep these lowly bums in their bottom - rung - of - the - socioeconomic - ladder - place most definitely fits that particular bill with astonishing deftness . Lee Marvin rules the day with his customary effortless virile charm and cool , dry humor as A # 1 , the greatest of all train-hopping hobos who's rightfully revered as a god by his fellow dingy derelicts . Keith Carradine likewise holds his own as Cigarette , the brash punk tyro kid who Marvin teaches the basic hobo ropes to . Ernest Borgnine delivers a fierce , growly , volcanically hostile and quite intimidating portrayal of cruel , callous , " screw with me buster and I'll wipe the floor with your face " stomp-ass villainy as the Shack , an exceptionally mean and ferocious train conductor who would just love to clean A # 1's clock but good . A # 1 vows to do the seemingly impossible by riding the Shack's train all the way to Portland and living to tell the tale . The always on-target , sorely missed Robert Aldrich directs this engrossing story with his trademark tautly wound , very blunt and forceful sinewy élan . Christopher Knopf's meaty , deep-diggin ' script offers a fascinating examination of man's desire to amount to something in life regardless of the station he holds , how status has to be earned ( here given a compelling old guard vs . the new generation spin thanks to the teacher and student relationship between Marvin and Carradine ) , the need for achievement , and the harsh victimization of the poor by the working class . Joseph Biroc's sharp cinematography gives the lush , verdant Oregon wilderness a lovely autumnal look . The fabulous supporting cast reads like a veritable who's who of 70's character actors : Charles Tyner , Matt Clark , Harry Caesar , Elisha Cook , Jr . , Simon Oakland , Vic Tayback , Sid Haig , and even Lance Henrikson in a " blink and you'll miss him " uncredited bit part as a railroad worker . Marty Robbins heartily belts out the stupendously rousing theme song . And the final literal duel of the titans fight between Marvin and Borgnine - - these two really get down and dance a bloody boogie , tearing pieces out of each other's hides with chains , hammers , their own feet and bare hands , and even an enormous ax - - rates as the authentic gnarly article . It's without a doubt the greatest two ugly actors making themselves uglier in a very ugly knock-down , drag-out savage smack-down every filmed - - and an immensely satisfying conclusion to this simply sensational movie . |
517,960 | 8,239,592 | 466,264 | 10 | An absolute riot ! | Damon Packard , the mad maverick independent cinematic genius who blessed us with the alarmingly odd and original " Reflections of Evil , " strikes again with this uproariously irreverent and no-holds-barred brutal parody of the making of the atrocious " Attack of the Clones . " This 45 minute comedy short starts on a fiercely funny note with a redubbed Tony Curtis giving us a gut-busting snappy mock bio on Packard . The savage hilarity continues with a simply sidesplitting fake trailer for " Attack of the Clones " which comes complete with foul profane dialogue and choice clips from such superior low-budget sci-fi fare as " Inseminoid " and " Battle Beyond the Stars . " Packard stars as a hapless special effects artist who's forced to do CGI digital work for George Lucas on a tight budget and even tighter schedule . Throughout the course of this movie Packard paints a scathing portrait of Lucas as a pompous clueless artist who's lost touch with reality and thus makes only bland , sexless , antiseptic pictures devoid of any real merit or substance . Packard's barbed satiric potshots at the appallingly blatant artificiality of CGI ( " CGI rules ! Go , digital , go ! " ) are likewise quite vicious and hence totally on the money as well ( the special effects guys use footage of homeless psychotic black folks as templates for CGI characters ! ) . The humor is appropriately vicious , biting and politically incorrect , reaching a simply stupendous apex at the incredible conclusion in which a theater full of geeky toy lightsaber-brandishing " Star Wars " fans are made to seem like they are cheering for the infamous nude male wrestling sequence in Ken Russell's " Women in Love " ! An absolute take-no-prisoners ferociously amusing hoot . |
517,972 | 8,239,592 | 118,167 | 10 | An excellent and invaluable documentary on the making of a terrific landmark Western | Paul Seydor's Oscar-nominated 34 minute documentary offers a concise and compelling glimpse on the making of Sam Peckpah's remarkable gem " The Wild Bunch . " Seydor uses a combination of gritty black-and-white behind-the-scenes footage and crisp still photographs to shed plenty of light on the arduous shooting of this controversial masterpiece . Seydor focuses on the filming of several key sequences : the exit from Angel's village , the famous walk to destiny scene , the blowing up of the bridge , and , of course , the infamous climactic bloodbath . Seydor makes extremely artful use of fades , dissolves and freeze frames throughout the documentary , thus adding a little stylistic aplomb and energy to the proceedings . He also neatly avoids the standard " talking heads " format by having various folks involved with the picture speak over the footage and photos . There are wonderfully sharp and illuminating comments by Ernest Borgnine , composer Jerry Fielding , screenwriter Walon Green , wardrobe supervisor Gordon Dawson , William Holden , Edmond O'Brien , Sam's daughter Sharon , L . Q . Jones ( his remarks about playing his sleazy character as gay are absolutely priceless ! ) , and Bloody Sam himself . Ed Harris supplies the properly stern and gravelly voice of Peckinpah . Nick Redman's eloquent and informative narration likewise hits the spot . Essential viewing for fans of this film . |
519,170 | 8,239,592 | 78,748 | 10 | Why this landmark sci-fi / horror classic still works | There are several reasons why this remarkably taut , scary and effective science fiction / horror hybrid holds up so well to this very day . 1 . ) The premise ingeniously mixes elements from two separate , yet compatible genres into a strong and satisfying synthesis . The futuristic outer space setting is pure sci-fi , but the grotesque monster , ghastly gore and spooky mood are sheer gut-wrenching horror all the way . 2 . ) The plausibly drab and bleak depiction of a frightfully possible future . There's nothing slick or shiny about the future shown in this picture . It's truly grim and grimy , with the grungy set design , grubby costumes and rundown looking spaceship all contributing to one fascinatingly credible version of a future that seems just around the corner . The all-powerful company's cold assessment of the crew as expendable isn't too far removed from the world we currently live in - - a world in which greed and money take precedent over the basic worth ascribed to everyday human life . 3 . ) The gradual pace . While there are some folks who take issue with the methodically slow pace , said pace nonetheless is crucial to developing the almost unbearably substantial amount of suspense that really kicks into harrowing overdrive once the creature gets lose on the ship . It's the meticulous build-up of the first half which gives the second half of the film its considerable nerve-wracking impact and potency . 4 . ) The infamous " chest-burster " scene . It's so supremely well-timed and staged , with highly believable mixed reactions from everyone involved in the scene . 5 . ) The uniformly superlative acting from a top-notch cast . Sigourney Weaver positively shines in her break-out star-making role as tough sole survivor Ripley , with stellar support from Tom Skerritt , Yaphet Kotto , Ian Holm , John Hurt , Veronica Cartwright , and the always terrific Harry Dean Stanton . 6 . ) Jerry Goldsmith's exceptional score . Ace composer Goldsmith chimes in with one of his most brilliantly spare and chilling scores ever . 7 . ) The thoroughly convincing warts'n'all human characters . The way the well-drawn characters bicker and interact with each other rings completely true throughout . 8 . ) The strikingly gloomy cinematography by Derek Vanlint gives this feature a supremely powerful dark'n'shadowy atmospheric look . 9 . ) The still quite sound and cogent special effects . Done prior to CGI , those miniatures have an organic quality to them that's extremely persuasive . 10 . ) That hideously vile , nasty and downright creepy alien itself . Sure , it's just a guy in a suit , but wow does that suit seem incredibly genuine and lifelike . 11 . ) Ridley Scott's faultless direction never wavers from start to finish , keeping the absorbing story on track while delivering plenty of jolts and cranking up the clammy claustrophobic tension to the often exhilarating ninth degree . Add all these sterling factors together and the net result is a simply spectacular motion picture that's wholly deserving of its classic status . |
518,037 | 8,239,592 | 435,625 | 10 | A smart , scary and overall superb subterranean creature feature survivalist horror shocker | A motley sextet of spunky and adventurous young British women embark on an exciting spelunking expedition into a heretofore neglected and unexplored Appalachian cavern . Things turn sour when they get trapped deep down in the bowels of the earth by a sudden cave-in . Things go from already really bad to much , much horribly worse when the ladies find out they are not alone : there's a lethal and hungry gaggle of blind , agile and savage carnivorous albino humanoid mutant beasts who relentlessly stalk and attack the endangered group . Writer / director Neil ( " Dog Soldiers " ) Marshall wisely takes his time setting up the characters and the situation , carefully easing the viewer into the central narrative before hitting us with all he's got . And boy does he got loads to hit us with : Besides the intrinsically taut , arresting and unsettling premise , we also have plenty of shockingly raw , gruesome and visceral violence , truly spooky , ugly and grotesque monsters , a clammy , creepy and suffocatingly claustrophobic atmosphere which steadily intensifies as the film goes on , and one corker of a startling surprise ending . Moreover , Marshall is to be further commended for not making a thuddingly obvious and heavy-handed proto-feminist empowerment chick flick ; there's no sisters are doing it for themselves type preaching to be found in a single moment of this film . Instead the female characters have not only their survivalist skills pushed to the limit , but also their bonds of friendship and loyalty put to the ultimate test . Watching these women either stick by or abandon one another during their harrowing ordeal gives this movie a truly disturbing , substantial and provocative edge , clearly showing how these kinds of punishing life-threatening circumstances bring out the best and worst in human beings . Shauna Macdonald , Natalie Mendoza , Saskia Mulder , Alex Reid , MyAnna Buring and Nora-Jane No one all give excellent and engaging performances , deftly creating believable and likable characters who you genuinely care about ( Macdonald especially shines as the toughest and most fiercely self-reliant member of the group ) . Better still , the monsters in the film aren't done with that dreadfully phony and rarely convincing CGI ; the filmmakers thankfully opted for using folks in highly effective and persuasive suits . But what truly makes this a terrific fright film knock-out is the admirable and wonderful marked emphasis on the interplay between the characters , thus ensuring that there's a fabulous abundance of heart and humanity as well as the expected ( and wholly terrifying ) chills and thrills . A simply stupendous movie that's absolutely essential viewing for horror fans the world over . |
518,656 | 8,239,592 | 210,909 | 10 | A simply great horror action zombie comedy gore treat | This gloriously wild , crazy , funny and gory as all hell zombie splatter action extravaganza centers on three colorfully flaky and funny ordinary guys - - smart and resourceful medical student Bill Johnson , hopelessly geeky computer nerd Max Giggs , and rough'n'tumble cowboy ex-wrestler John West - - who have to fight their way through thousands of zombies when they find themselves trapped in a city that's overrun with the wickedly clever and hyperactive suckers . Man , is this just a truly great off-the-wall fright flick blast : brash , dynamic , fast-paced , often hilarious , frequently thrilling , briskly directed , and acted with lip-licking enthusiasm by an admirably committed cast , every last frame of this fabulous film oozes with a joy , passion and vitality that's a real treat to watch . Moreover , the picture is loaded with lots of over-the-top gore ( literally buckets of blood and guts are graphically spilled in this doozy ) , outrageous humor , a very wacky and unpredictable plot , and several incredibly nutty ( and undeniably exciting ) go-for-broke loony action set pieces . Better still , the three main characters are genuinely charming , amusing and above all engaging . My favorite character is John West , a big , hulking , lovable lug of a guy who's both a simple cowboy and a butt-stomping former professional wrestler who's fallen from grace . Berta Muniz brings a winningly good-natured sense of goof-ball humor and sweet humanity to John West which in turn makes the huge palooka a positively endearing fellow . The fact that the interaction between our three amiable protagonists is surprisingly rich and complex substantially adds to the film's sterling quality . The three main actors play their parts with tremendous appeal and conviction , thereby bringing a wonderful human element to the basically gonzo proceedings . The second entry in a possible trilogy and the rare instance of a sequel being an improvement on the original , this divinely demented and deliriously enjoyable jaw-dropping goony delight is eminently worthy of cult status and absolutely essential viewing for hardcore zombie film fans . It's without a doubt the best , most imaginative and flat-out immensely entertaining undead item to scurry across the screen thus far in the new millennium . |
518,682 | 8,239,592 | 57,181 | 10 | An incredibly strange and thus quite wonderful one-of-a-kind oddity | An incredibly strange and mixed-up movie indeed ! This divinely demented Ray Dennis Steckler doozy actually inspired legendary late , great gonzo madman rock critic Lester Bangs to make a rare foray into wild-eyed film journalism in which he wrote a hilariously lengthy and thorough essay praising this picture to the high heavens for " Cream " magazine . That amazing trivia tidbit alone is a sterling testament to this wacky marvel's stupendously screwball greatness . Sinister old gypsy fortune teller Madame Estrella ( a nicely fat and juicy slice of eye-rolling villainous ham by the bewitching Brett O'Hara ) who works in a seedy seaside carnival turns unfortunate guys into zombies by disfiguring their faces with acid and locks the groaning'n'moaning wretched skull-faced worms up in a closet . Meanwhile , mellow , hip-talking unemployed proto-slacker protagonist Jerry ( Steckler in a spectacularly stolid performance ) falls under the nasty old gypsy hag's evil spell , who along with her scrumptious stripper sister Carmelita ( Steckler's ravishing real-life onetime hottie redhead wife Carolyn Brandt ) hypnotizes our likeably deadbeat hero into becoming a crazed , knife-brandishing murderous maniac . Okay , so the messy ramshackle narrative aimlessly ( and amiably ) meanders all over the place in a hopelessly haphazard manner , but it's this very undisguised all-out ineptitude which is part and parcel to this loopy winner's mesmerizingly askew off-center appeal . Sure , the clumsily choreographed bump'n'grind dance numbers set to raunchy scratchy saxophone music certainly don't hurt matters any ; the fact that said burlesque dance routines are pretty racy and really quite sexy for their time only makes things even better . The astonishingly varied acting is another plus , encompassing both dismal flatness and hysterical histrionics in comparable measure ( the sublimely incomprehensible Atlas King in particular is weirdly endearing as our hero's loyal best friend ) . Handsomely shot in beautifully ripe , resplendent , richly saturated color by ace cinematographer Joseph V . Mascelli , with able assistance from future big deal directors of photography Laszlo Kovacs and Vilmos Zsigmond , the film has an attractive slick look to it and sporadic exhilarating moments of boldly imaginative experimental visual razzle-dazzle which totally transcend the otherwise highly conspicuous spare change budget . A truly astounding kitsch landmark . |
518,227 | 8,239,592 | 47,573 | 10 | A first-rate nifty 50's creature feature classic | Atomic bomb testing in the New Mexico desert creates a lethal giant mutant strain of ants which naturally pose a grave threat to mankind's status as the dominant species on the planet . It's up to stalwart police sergeant James Whitmore , no-nonsense FBI agent James Arness , sweet , cranky , dynamic old entomologist Edmund Gwenn , and Gwenn's equally feisty daughter Joan Weldon to stop the deadly gigantic insects before it's too late . Director Gordon Douglas , working from a smart , witty and literate script by Ted Sherdeman , expertly crafts one of the best , most creepy and effective of the many over-sized killer monster movies that were made in the 50's , starting things out on an arrestingly spooky and mysterious note with the marvelously atmospheric and enigmatic opening third before progressing with a fine bunch of potent set pieces ( the exploration of a corpse-littered underground ant colony is memorably eerie ) and culminating with a tense and thrilling climactic confrontation between the army and the ants in the Los Angeles sewer drains . Sid Hickox's exquisitely crisp black and white photography , Bronislau Kaper's perfectly ominous , brooding score , the excellent special effects , the grimly serious tone , the tightly streamlined narrative and the nicely low-key , naturalistic acting from a uniformly sound cast ( Gwenn especially is a rip-snorting delight ) further add to the picture's sterling quality . Popping up in cool small parts are Fess Barker as a twitchy airplane pilot , William Schallert as an ambulance attendant , Sandy Descher ( one of the titular kids in Jack Arnold's " The Space Children " ) as a frightened little mute girl , Leonard Nimoy as an Air Force sergeant , Dub Taylor as a peppery railroad night watchman , and Olin Howlin ( the first victim of the original " The Blob " ) as a funny boisterous drunk ( " Make me a sergeant ! Give me the booze ! " ) . A simply terrific gem that's wholly worthy of its classic status . |
518,416 | 8,239,592 | 282,396 | 10 | A hilariously sick and twisted cartoon short parody of those beloved Peanuts TV specials | After the Great Pumpkin places a huge bounty on the ever-hapless Charlie Brown's head , the Peanuts gang try to bump poor Charlie off : Schroeder drops a giant piano on him , Lucy tries to get Charlie to kick a bomb that's disguised as a football , Snoopy bites his hand off ( blood gushes everywhere from the grisly stump ) , and Linus even attempts to strangle Chuck with his beloved blanket . So Charlie , sporting a gnarly Travis Bickle-style Mohawk and packing an Uzi , opens up a king-sized barrel of marvelously gory and excessive over-the-top violent death and destruction on the whole nasty lot of ' em . Writer / director Jim Reardon , who went on to direct countless episodes of " The Simpsons , " pokes blithely wild and deranged anything-goes no-holds-barred wicked fun at everything from Sam Peckinpah to Richard Simmons to even Mickey Mouse and Godzilla . The animation is admittedly crude , but still effective and the adult voice actors ham it up with lip-smacking brio . Better still , the amusing novelty song " Charlie Brown " by the Coasters even plays during the gut-busting ending credits ( the disclaimer at the very conclusion is absolutely priceless ! ) . Favorite line : " Happiness is a warm Uzi . " A gloriously tasteless hoot and a half . |
518,646 | 8,239,592 | 132,888 | 10 | A hilariously horrendous camp splatter anti-drug , pro-Christian horror monster hoot | Brawny Vietnam veteran biker Herschell ( a remarkably terrible performance by the beefy Steve Hawkes , who also co-wrote and co-directed this amazing atrocity ) befriends conservative , responsible , morally upright good Christian girl Angel . Alas , Herschell gets led astray by Angel's naughty , flighty , immature party hearty sister Ann . Pretty soon Herschell finds himself hooked on bad grass . He also starts working at a turkey farm . Two scientists at the farm give Herschell a turkey stuffed with experimental drugs to eat . This causes Herschell to transform into a lethal and murderous turkey-headed monster that gobbles . Herschell starts picking off sleazy dope dealers and strung-out addicts ; he slits their throats open and drinks their blood . Man , does this gloriously ghastly celluloid abomination strike out something rotten in every conceivable way : The plodding ( mis ) direction , Ron N . Sill's grainy , shoddy cinematography , the cruddy sound , the laughably lousy dialogue , Gil Ward's droning , redundant score , the astonishingly awful acting from a lame no-name cast , the draggy pacing , the crude make-up f / x , and the hopelessly dated roaring groovy rock score are all wonderfully wretched . The scene with Herschell cutting a guy's leg off with a table saw rates as a definite unintentionally uproarious highlight . Another memorable moment happens when Herschell engages in a fight with a hideously homely fat person . Co-director and co-screenwriter Brad F . Grinter also appears on-screen as the preachy narrator who wears an ugly blue silk shirt ; at one totally gut-busting point the chain-smoking Ginter erupts into a sudden uncontrollable coughing fit ! Absolutely astounding . |
518,075 | 8,239,592 | 78,370 | 10 | A gloriously ghastly no-budget 70's alien invasion obscurity | Wow , I can't believe the fiercely negative reviews this marvelously messed-up two-cent amateur oddity has elicited . You see , I honestly really dig this flick . I personally think this gloriously godawful regional Utah " Invasion of the Body Snatchers " - stealing drive-in sci-fi doozy deserves a place on your home video library shelf alongside the seminal " all it takes is ambition and enthusiasm to crank out a feature " - type backyard works of Bill Rebane and Don Dohler . Any hardcore cinematic schlockoholic's prayers are immediately answered and appeased in the enticingly crummy pre-credits prologue , which shows an annoying comic relief hillbilly hooch-hound who bears an uncanny resemblance to a taller , skinnier George " Buck " Flower having his remote woodland shack buzzed by a hilariously hokey-looking spaceship . The flimsy plot , as far as it goes , depicts a tiny hick hamlet being terrorized by evil extraterrestrial beings on Halloween night ( boy , that's a novel premise . . . NOT ! ) , with the chief focus put on a goofy gaggle of funky " Phantasm " ish teenagers who discover the aliens ' secret base in the bowels of your proverbial creepy old rundown abandoned house located in the middle of nowhere . Peter Semelka's beautifully clueless direction dexterously covers all the so - hideously - wrong - it's - paradoxically - right bad film bases : an on-and-off meandering tempo , game , yet pathetic thesping from a conspicuously pumped community theater-style cast ( in fact , several of the atrocious adolescent actors won roles in this picture after participating in a local radio contest ! ) , dippy dialog ( " This ain't no airport - - god danged airplanes ! " ) , absolutely no intuitive grasp of style , pacing and carefully wrought narrative construction to speak of , terrifically primitive cinematography which makes exquisitely ugly use of scratched - all - to - unsightly - hell ratty 16mm film stock , incredibly vapid kid main characters ( one's a fat dolt in a gorilla suit ) , astonishingly stupid would-be surprising plot twists , a sweetly monotonous hum'n'shiver synthesizer score , hissy sound quality , lame attempts at dopey humor , slipshod editing , fabulously phony alien creatures ( complete with glowing red bug eyes , no less ! ) , similarly rinky-dink Tonka toy miniatures , an unbelievably putrid disco ending credits theme song , one of those irritatingly irresolute " they're still out there " ominous non-endings , and a story that's so basic , elementary and connect-the-dots predictable that its very obviousness acquires an inexplicably alluring , albeit askew numb-skull appeal . A wondrously wretched example of " let's amass a thousand bucks , gather up a bunch of friends who'll work for peanuts , and make ourselves a bona-fide motion picture in a couple of weeks " dime-store dreck that's eminently worth of both rediscovery and possible cult status . I myself think it's without a doubt the shamefully unsung and ignored " Plan 9 of Outer Space " of the 70's . |
519,300 | 8,239,592 | 83,281 | 10 | A delightfully idiosyncratic documentary gem | Acclaimed documentary filmmaker Errol Morris follows his remarkable debut feature " Gates of Heaven " with this equally astonishing little doozy about the eccentric residents of the remote backwater hamlet of Vernon , Florida . Among the folks interviewed are an endearingly zealous turkey hunter , an elderly fellow with an unusual collection of unlikely pets , another old dude who believes we all have multiple brains , a friendly worm farmer , and a couple with a jar of white sand that they claim grows on a daily basis . These colorful individuals discuss such weighty subjects as religion , the existence of God , and the meaning of life . Through these startling and compelling interviews Morris captures with bracing acuity and unflinching honesty a wholly charming and captivating sense of all-American strangeness that's both amusing and affecting in equal measure . Few movies reveal the basic absurdity of the human condition with the same stark power and poignancy as this film . Morris ' deliberately static and leisurely paced no-frills approach keeps cheap condescending humor and sordid sensationalism at bay throughout ; instead Morris in his own deliciously dry and deadpan way shows a genuine affection for these lovably loopy oddballs . Moreover , there's a vivid evocation of the sleepy small town region and the people that populate it which coupled along with the often breathtaking bucolic scenery and picturesque photography adds up to create one of the greatest portraits of everyday authentic downhome American surrealism ever committed to celluloid . A total offbeat treat which offers proof positive that ordinary life can be every bit as weird and outrageous as the best wildly imaginative fiction . |
518,875 | 8,239,592 | 74,706 | 10 | A superb 70's " don't go down to Dixie " Southern-fried drive-in exploitation gem | Eternally entrancing firebrand actress Yvette Mimieux scores her best , strongest , most commanding and effective role to date as a smart , classy , fiercely self-sufficient no bullst Los Angeles businesswoman who runs afoul of psycho hicks and rapist redneck cops when she goes down South during her cross country trek from California to New York . Poor Yvette has one of those days which justifies the age-old cliché " sometimes it's better to stay home in bed " : her car is stolen by a creepy backwoods hick nutjob ( an intense , jittery Robert Carradine , who's genuinely frightening in a rare full-blooded sicko fruitcake part ) , she's wrongly put in the hoosegow by the local yokel cops after loutish bartender Britt Leach tries to sexually assault her , kills one particularly unpleasant hillbilly fuzzball after he brutally rapes her ( the rape scene itself is quite graphic and upsetting ) , breaks out of jail and subsequently goes on the lam with tough , but tender-hearted career criminal Tommy Lee Jones . " Jackson County Jail " qualifies as one of those great legendary rarities : it's a 70's redneck drive-in exploitation movie that not only delivers the goods and then some , but also the kind of gritty , top-notch , fairly plausible flick that both wholly earns and completely lives up to its killer cult status . Mark Miller's remarkably artful and assured direction plays a key role in making the film the grind-house classic that it is : the quick , unrelenting pace never let's up for a minute , the action scenes are rousing and marvelously choreographed , and the solid , pretty complicated and arresting narrative hooks the viewer from the get-go . Moreover , the film's astute depiction of the relative differences and similarities between cops and criminals is wickedly subversive : The crooks for the most part are loyal , honorable and compassionate folks while a majority of the police are total aholes . This deliciously amoral masterstroke , a typically twisted piece of 70's B-movie nihilism which boldly bucks convention , lifts " Jackson County Jail " well above the rut of your standard-issue by-the-numbers formula drive-in fare . However , that's not to say that " Jackson County Jail " fails to hit the bull's eye in other departments ; it's an across-the-board winner in every conceivable way . The uniformly excellent cast alone testifies to this : Severn Darden as a prissy , kindly , quirky sheriff , Howard Hesseman as Yvette's faithless smarmy husband , Mary Woronov as a butch lesbian outlaw gal , " Revenge of the Cheerleaders " ' s adorable lead bimbo Patrice Rohmer as Jones ' jealous ex-girlfriend , Cliff Emmich as a loathsome male chauvinist CEO Yvette tells off at the start of the movie , and future " Hill Street Blues " TV series regular Betty Thomas as a saucy , outspoken greasy spoon waitress who tries to fleece bucks . Loren Newkirk's melancholy , harmonica-heavy , nicely down-home country score , the often razor-sharp dialogue ( when Yvette tells Jones to be careful when he faces off with the pigs at the film's thrilling conclusion , Jones responds with this choice fatalistic retort : " I was born dead anyway " ) , the unsparingly bleak and harsh downbeat nightmarish tone , and especially Bruce Logan's agile , polished cinematography ( the use of hand-held camera for Jones ' climactic face-off with the law really does the stirring trick ) are all also highly impressive . Gripping , suspenseful and exciting in comparable measure , " Jackson County Jail " stands tall as a sterling example of 70's hayseed exploitation cinema at its tense , tantalizing zenith . |
518,177 | 8,239,592 | 424,129 | 10 | A fascinating documentary | This remarkable documentary centers on a troop of American soldiers in Iraq who make their base of operation in the bombed-out remains of Saddam Hussein's pleasure palace . The soldiers interviewed herein candidly discuss killing enemy soldiers , the bitter possibility of being killed in combat , and how no one but themselves will ever fully understand what they're going through while fighting in the war . A majority of these soldiers are fresh-faced teenagers straight out of high school who hail from obscure small American towns ; their charming sense of naiveté and wide-eyed innocence puts a genuinely human face on war itself that's alternately funny , sad , shocking , and ultimately quite moving . The filmmakers follow the soldiers as they carry out their sometimes useless and often dangerous daily routine missions and goof around Hussein's palace in their spare time . Several soldiers perform incredible rap songs that are not only profane and amusing , but also very profound and touching . This movie thankfully eschews politics and preaching in favor of simply letting the soldiers tell their own story in their own words ; this gives the picture a strong sense of urgency and intimacy that's both powerful and impossible to shake . The chaos , boredom and frightening unpredictability of war is vividly captured by the compelling anecdotes related by the soldiers . An amazing achievement that's essential viewing for anyone interested in seeing the soldiers ' perspective on the war in Iraq . |
518,933 | 8,239,592 | 74,633 | 10 | A simply spectacular send-up of 70's drive-in schlock | A surprisingly sly and deliciously dead on-target parody of " to hell with substance and style , let's just get this sucker in the can and toss in every last crassly exploitative thing we can think of " quick'n'dirty no-budget Grade Z film-making , a true marvel of cut'n'paste cost-cutting ingenuity that was promptly shot in a scant ten days on a paltry $60 , 000 budget for Roger Corman's always dependably tacky New World Pictures . Naturally , the net product of this ultimate in-jokey drive-in flick pastiche is a wonderfully sloppy , screwy and raucous serving of anything-goes momentum propelled lunacy . Perky , lovely , blonde-tressed 70's trash movie favorite Candice Rialson gives an energetic , wholly engaging performance as Candy Wednesday , a sweet , wet-behind-the-ears ingénue fresh off the bus from Indiana who goes to Los Angeles to make it big in the movie biz ; the aspiring actress winds up scoring a gig as a stunt woman for prolific one feature a week schlock studio outfit Miracle Pictures ( their motto : " If it's a good picture , it's a Miracle ! " ) . Candy toils in one tawdry potboiler after another ( she barely manages to survive a particularly hellish one week shoot in the Phillippines , where she's gleefully gang-raped by a bunch of greasy , overenthusiastic libidinous male extras ! ) , eventually becoming Miracle Pictures ' latest junk movie queen . Alas , a vicious unknown killer has been randomly picking off actress on the film sets ( one murder is actually caught on film , thus becoming a grisly snuff reel ! ) . Soon only Candy is left . A showdown between Candy and the killer occurs directly underneath the legendary Hollywood sign . Directors Allen Arkush and Joe Dante , both making their directorial debuts after editing countless trailers for Corman and working from a hip , clever script by Patrick Hobby , don't miss a trick with this often wickedly witty send-up of " good taste and high production values be damned " nickel'n'dime film-making : the brisk pace , playfully tongue-in-cheek self-deprecating tone , overripe hambone acting , and constant onslaught of cheap , but amusing gags are nicely sustained throughout . The stand-out cast of B-flick perennials includes : Mary Woronov as a spitefully jealous aging exploitation pic starlet , Jeffrey Kramer as a harried hack screenwriter , " White Line Fever " director Jonathan Kaplan as leering , clumsy , voyeuristic propmaster Scotty , Tara Strohmeier as a struggling actress , an especially droll Paul Bartel as a pretentious , motivation-obsessed no-talent director who wears riding boots and strives to inject " meaningful artistic qualities " into his shoddy features , and the redoubtable Dick Miller as a sleazy , fast-talking agent named - - natch - - Walter Paisley . Charles B . Griffith , Forrest J . Ackerman and Robby the Robot make cameo appearances at a gala film premiere while directors Joseph McBride and Barbara Peeters pop up as an uptight couple at a drive-in . Why , even an unnamed extra in a Godzilla costume ambles through a few scenes . However , half the fun with this honey stems from identifying all the bits and pieces spliced in from previous movies : choice snippets from " The Big Doll House " and " The Big Bird Cage , " " Big Bad Mama , " " Crazy Mama , " " Death Race 2000 , " " The Hot Box , " " Unholy Rollers , " " The Terror " and " Battle Beyond the Sun " are all prominently showcased herein . Better yet , the first-rate country rock group Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen materialize for an utterly insane rendition of the hilariously raunchy Texas swing tune " Everybody's Doin ' It . " Overall , this beautifully bent , batty and berserk baby rates highly as a total blast ! |
518,047 | 8,239,592 | 69,840 | 10 | One of the greatest 70's drive-in movies ever made | I absolutely love " The Candy Snatchers . " It's a wickedly clever and dead-on nasty grind-house variant on the classic O . Henry short story " The Ransom of Red Chief . " It's got everything you can want in a 70's exploitation flick : solid production values , an unflinchingly grim and nihilistic tone , colorfully warped bad guys ( Brad David as the sickest of the three kidnappers is an especially depraved piece of hardcore human sickness ) , neat'n'gnarly plot twists aplenty , brutal violence , the beautiful Tiffany Bolling as a terrifically sexy and shifty femme fatale who would have fit in snugly in a vintage 40's film noir , gratuitous nudity , savage rape , a cute little mute boy as the unlikely hero , uniformly aces acting , strong direction , a truly startling knock-out bummer ending , a nifty cameo by James Whitworth ( Papa Jupitor in " The Hills Have Eyes " ) as a telephone repairman who gets the living stuffing beaten out of him , bubbly blonde cutie Susan Sennett absorbing more punishment than a punching bag , the ever-smarmy Ben Piazza oozing total black-heartedness with lip-smacking aplomb as Sennet's spectacularly odious stepdad , a wickedly funny sense of pitch-black humor , and , best of all , an amazingly crappy sappy folkie theme song . And the film quite powerfully shows how youthful innocence is either corrupted or destroyed when exposed to adult evil at its most ferociously base and unforgiving . And remember everyone : money is the root of all happiness . |
519,049 | 8,239,592 | 67,169 | 10 | A hilariously horrible hoot | 1480 : Cruel , evil , haughty schizophrenic holy man Guru ( a deliciously over the top performance by Neil Flanagan ) resides on the remote island of Mortavia . Guru gets his sadistic jollies out of killing and maiming thieves , voyeurs , witches and various other sinners . Crazed lesbian vampire lady Olga ( the seriously strange Jaqueline Webb ) and meek , whimpering one-eyed hunchback Igor ( an uproariously geeky turn by Jack Spencer ) assist Guru with his heinous misdeeds . Meanwhile , kindly jailer Carl ( the extremely fey Paul Lieber ) tries to save condemned fair maiden Nadja ( pretty blonde Judith Israel ) from Guru's foul clutches . Legendary Do-It-Yourself dimestore indie Staten Island schlockmeister Andy Milligan really outdoes himself with this astonishingly awful , yet often amusing and oddly entertaining period Gothic horror atrocity . The drippy'n'droning stock film library score , ratty , ugly , scratched-up cinematography ( Andy gleefully indulges in his ghastly penchant for drab static master shots to an appalling degree ) , the outrageously tasteless plot , ripely hammy eye-rolling histrionic acting from a game no-name cast ( many of whom talk with heavy New York accents ) , cynical misanthropic sensibility , cheesy gore , the hysterical bloodbath conclusion , and the gut-busting abundant anachronisms ( one villager is clearly wearing corduroy pants ! ) all ensure that this spectacularly shoddy swill is absolutely sidesplitting from stinky start to fumbled finish . A positively jaw-dropping celluloid abomination . |
518,215 | 8,239,592 | 64,064 | 10 | A true work of beauty | Yes , this classic one and a half minute animated short still amuses and entertains even today . We start off with sweet little Bambi grazing in the woods to the lovely , lulling orchestral overture to " William Tell . " WARNING : Possible major SPOILER ahead . Then big , bad Godzilla stomps his massive foot down and squashes poor Bambi as if he was a minuscule bug . This is without a doubt one of the most shocking and brutal , yet appropriate and inevitable conclusions to a movie period . Yeah , it's grim and disturbing , but that's the point . I believe writer / director Marv Newland intended this infamous cartoon to be a poignant and provocative meditation on just how fleeting and fragile life really is . Dainty Bambi represents the frailty of existence itself , while the massive Godzilla symbolizes the harshness of dark death and cruel mortality . This picture starkly states in no uncertain terms that everything that's alive eventually dies . So , this just isn't some goofy little spoof . It's a profound artistic statement on life itself . |
518,355 | 8,239,592 | 86,944 | 10 | Mr . T's finest hour | Mr . T , that cocky , hulking , gold chain-wearing , Mohawk-sporting macho cretin from " The A-Team , " hits a hilariously horrible all-time career low with this incredibly asinine build up your self-esteem tape that's specifically targeted for an extremely insecure and angst-ridden adolescent audience . A majority of these well-meaning , but moronic life lessons are set to either sickeningly sappy pop slop tunes or hideously bad rap songs that are further enhanced by eager beaver teens cutting loose something stupid with all these cheesy , spastic , herky-jerky break dancing moves ! Mr . T himself barks choice rap music verses in a fierce , husky , guttural growl that's anything but melodious and comes across like an arrogant , egocentric , unbearably self-important and self-centered jerk ( highly revealing narcissistic verse : " If you want to be cool / Just like me / Ya gotta try real hard to be somebody " ) . Worse yet , Mr . T has trouble speaking in full , lucidly well-sustained sentences , talking with a sibilant slur and frequently mispronouncing polysyllabic words . This idiotic , mush-mouthed , overbearing behemoth is somehow supposed to be an ideal role model for kids to follow and emulate ? I don't think so , man . Broken up into various segments , Mr . T gives advice on assorted pertinent subjects by grunting lots of stale , obvious , hackneyed folksy platitudes ; said topics include roots ( " Ya can't know where ya going if ya don't know where ya from , " the all-wise Mr . T sagely remarks , explaining that all the gold chains he wears symbolize the shackles put on his slave ancestors when they first came to America ! ) , style ( " Clothes express your personality , so express yourself , not someone else , " Mr . " I'm your personal Yoda " T smartly comments , a point that's immediately negated by two tasty Asian harlots dressed in trampy Madonna-style exterior underwear apparel and a hot Hispanic honey clad in clingy gym duds ala Jennifer Beals in " Flashdance " ) , and anger ( " You should use your temper , not lose it , " Mr . T the exceptionally sagacious guru soundly opines , which for anyone who remembers his ferocious turn as Clubber Lang in " Rocky III " sounds more than a little spurious and insincere ) . Other hysterically dopey highlights are : a gust-busting " Just say no " evil dope section on peer pressure in which a bunch of stoners try to force a reluctant fat boy to partake in the debauched pleasures of swilling beer and smoking weed , Mr . T coming down real forceful on talking trash about anyone's mother ( " Mother , I'll always love her , " Mr . T tunelessly wails while an off-key chorus of dowdy moms supply crummy background harmonies ) , an especially mawkish passage concerning friendship ( deathless hokey aphorism : " Friendship is like a clear day ; you look forward to it " ) , and Mr . T making a gaggle of lazy kids engage in an impromptu curbside workout session by having ' em bench press a boom box and balance a bag of popcorn on their heads while bending their knees ! Why , this uproariously awful Greed Decade camp artifact even comes complete with a tantalizing musical skeleton in the closet trivia tidbit : None other than notorious gangsta rapper Ice T did the vocal arrangements for a handful of songs that Mr . T mumble-grumbles throughout in the film ! |
519,305 | 8,239,592 | 71,424 | 10 | Got to get moving - - no time to tarry ! | After pulling off a successful grocery store heist ( $170 , 000 bucks is stolen ) , hot-blooded , devil-may-care stock car racer Larry ( Peter Fonda in peek personable form ) , stoic , intense mechanic Deke ( the always excellent Adam Rourke ) and pert , bubbly small town strumpet Mary ( an incredibly sexy and vibrant Susan George , who does for the first time her hilariously overripe and erratic on-and-off Southern accent she later reused in " Mandingo " and " A Small Town in Texas " ) make a mad , hell-broke-for-leather wild and unceasing dash for freedom in Larry's souped-up late 60's Chevy , going all-out at full-tilt nerve-frying speed as the cops relentlessly pursue them every step of the way . The late , great , forever glowering Vic Morrow , sporting longish hair , an over-sized cowboy hat , and a permanent frown on his rough , craggy , puffy , yet handsome face , makes for a real happening heavy as Franklin , the shrewd , dogged , hard-nosed police captain who obsessively tracks the outlaw threesome via helicopter . Growling , scowling and cursing up a regular hurricane of harshly grumbled epithets ( " See if you can get the word ' son of a bch ' in print , " Morrow barks to a reporter over the phone ) , the almighty Mr . Morrow is a constant contemptuous and galvanizing demonic corker to behold . Popping up in solid supporting parts are Roddy McDowall in an uncredited bit role as the antsy grocery store manager , Kenneth Tobey as Morrow's unyielding , disapproving jerk of a superior , and especially the amazing Eugene Daniels as Hanks , an uproariously overzealous eager beaver deputy who spits out a lot of choice hateful dialogue ( Hank's " Eat you lunch line " in particular is absolutely priceless ! ) . John Hough , whose extremely varied and uneven cinematic track record includes the highly erotic Hammer vampire offering " Twins of Evil , " the nifty , garishly stylized mystery thriller " Eyewitness , " the eerie " The Legend of Hell House , " the hugely enjoyable Disney sci-fi children's movie favorites " Escape to Witch Mountain " and " Return from Witch Mountain , " and the 80's fright film duds " Incubus " and " American Gothic , " directs with tremendous rip-roaring gusto and dexterity : the picture thunders along at a rousing steady breakneck clip , the acting from the stand-out B-movie cast is uniformly commendable , the tautly plotted narrative keeps any needless draggy exposition to a pleasing bare minimum , the darkly ironic quintessentially 70's surprise bummer twist ending is genuinely startling , and the crackling , kick-a car chases really deliver the hair-raising , adrenaline-pumping , heart-in-your-throat harrowing and exciting action flick goods . Mike Marguiles ' expert cinematography is exceptional : sweeping aerial photography , fluid tracking shots and tight , sweaty close-ups are all put to powerful use during the superbly staged car chase sequences . Moreover , the salient absence of a music score actually heightens rather than detracts from the fiercely maintained suspense ; the film manages to acquire a semi-documentary feel which makes both the story and the action that much more convincing and involving . Why , we even have a profound and provocative subtext about the desperate measures down and out people with nothing to lose will resort to get out of a dismal rut they feel like they're trapped in . Fast , furious , and unrelievedly thrilling , this baby overall rates strongly as a truly classic rock ' em , sock ' em 70's drive-in car chase smasheroo . |
518,978 | 8,239,592 | 71,571 | 10 | The best and most exciting 70's drive-in car chase movie to ever roar its wild way across the big screen | Quite simply one of the best , leanest , fastest , most bluntly straightforward and unpretentious of the numerous fuel-burning , whiplash-inducing , tire-shrieking , rubber-shredding , neck-snappingly quick and spectacularly destructive crash ' em and smash ' em car chase action romps to tear hell broke for next week frenzied across drive-in theater screens back in the 70's . Granted , the plot centering on an underground stolen automobile ring ain't much , the acting is strictly hit or miss , and the film's technical aspects are rather ragged ( and frankly who honestly cares about that high-falutin ' nonsense ? ) , but what this gloriously gonzo humdinger lacks in depth , story and subtlety it more than compensates for in sheer relentless headlong narrative drive and no-holds-barred insane gas-guzzling motorhead action . The climactic 40 minute ( ! ) car chase across several states ( five cities in total ) , down major highways , over bridges , through building and parking garages , even ripping hither and tither down dirt trails and on bustling crowded sidewalks and parks stands tall as a masterfully well-sustained piece of butt-pulping , metal-bending , supremely testosterone-charged ultra-macho car chase action in excelsis . Jet-powered by snappy , stiletto-sharp editing , a nonstop pile-driving pace , a handful of sensationally spirited country and western tunes , a generous sprinkling of breezily irreverent humor ( I love the feisty old lady who angrily smacks the car with her umbrella ! ) , and lots of pure dynamite explosive action choreography , this adrenaline-pumping sequence will have you sucking exhaust fumes for at least a month . It's that incredibly great . And don't kid yourself about that stinky and unnecessary big budget mainstream blockbuster remake starring Nicholas Cage . The original is still the real way-gone stirring deal - - and always shall remain so . |
518,645 | 8,239,592 | 60,345 | 10 | A simply delightful yuletide TV special gem | Bitter , hateful , grouchy hermit the Grinch has no love or respect for the Christmas holiday season . The Grinch decides to rain on everybody's parade by dressing up like Santa Claus and stealing all the food , presents and decorations from the town of Whoville . Directed by the legendary Chuck Jones and Bob Washam , this truly magnificent Noel holiday TV special classic has a touching and wonderfully uplifting central message about the real meaning of Christmas . Boris Karloff's marvelously sonorous and whimsical narration rates as another substantial plus and his soothing velvet smooth voice is perfect as the Grinch . June Foray is absolutely adorable as the voice of Cindy Lou Who . Moreover , the lovely , jaunty score by Albert Hague ( the music teacher on the TV series " Fame " ) is a joy to listen to , with the rousing polka-inspired " Trim Up the Tree " making for an especially charming tune . Of course , the incredibly catchy and groovy number " You're A Mean One , Mr . Grinch , " with its witty oddball lyrics ( " You're brain is full of spiders / You've got garlic in your soul " ) and terrific deep growly booming vocal by Thurl Ravenscroft ( the voice of Tony the Tiger in countless Kellog's Frosted Frakes TV commercials ) , smokes in no uncertain terms . The quirky and imaginative animation boasts plenty of gorgeously vibrant colors and makes occasional nifty use of montage . But ultimately what qualifies this show as so special and endearing is that , unlike the nasty old Grinch , it has a very big and warm heart . |
518,971 | 8,239,592 | 74,954 | 10 | The adorable Monica Gayle shines as a low-rent Loretta Lynn in this choice chunk of 70's Southern-fried drive-in sleaze | You know you're in for a four-star 70's drive-in sleazy treat when barely two minutes into the picture the luscious and adorable Monica Gayle , a lovely sprite actress who appeared in trashy films for such B-movie luminaries as Jack Hill , Harry Novak , Gary Graver and Larry Buchanan , peels her clothes off to go skinny-dipping while the opening credits are still rolling . Of course , some vile , scummy degenerate hillbilly dude comes along and savagely rapes poor Monica , thus giving her a credible excuse to run away from home with acoustic guitar in tow and go to Nashville to make it as an honest-to-goodness country music star . The ever perky and appealing Gayle , as naive , but feisty and determined Loretta Lynn-like 16-year-old Kentucky hick chick Jamie Barker , receives a ride into town from gruff trucker Leo Gordon and promptly learns that the only way to really make it in Nashville is by making love with the right powerful music biz people . Pretty soon Jamie is gladly hopping in the sack with every lecherous older man who's got the hots for her . Alas , Jamie runs low on cash and is forced to work at a seedy massage parlor as a receptionist . And , wouldn't you know it , Jamie gets arrested and has to do hard time at a prison work farm where one of the predatory lesbian guards sexually assaults her in the shower ! Fortunately , Jamie gets paroled and befriends nice guy session musician Kelly ( amiably played by " Flash and the Firecat " ' s Roger Davis ) , who introduces her to country music superstar Jeb Hubbard ( burly Glen Corbett ) , an overbearing jerk of a control freak with a fatal weakness for young girls . Hubbard makes Jamie his protégé , renames her Melody Mason , and turns her into the major league star she always dreamed of being . But this overnight fame and fortune comes at a terrible price , with Jamie becoming increasingly lonely , cynical , arrogant and disillusioned as her innocence gets irrevocably shattered . Boy , talk about a wildly colorful and eventful never-a-dull-minute busy narrative ! Better still , along with the abundant Gayle nudity , Gus Trikonis ' brisk , get-right-to-the-point efficient direction , several astounding scenes featuring Gayle singing both in the recording studio and on stage with a ( dubbed ? ) strong , brassy contralto voice , a standard rags-to-riches story that becomes more delightfully lurid and melodramatic as the movie progresses forward ( in fact , this entire picture plays like a tightly streamlined $1 . 98 discount version of " Coal Miner's Daughter " ) , a cameo appearance by mid-level country-and-western singer Johnny Rodriguez as himself , and a funny performance by late , great character actor Jesse White as a greedy dirtbag music publisher , this fabulous grindhouse gem even comes complete with a sincere cautionary morale : Country music superstardom ain't exactly what it's cracked up to be . Now , that's precisely what prime 70's exploitation cinema is all about : sex , bare skin , scuzzy plot twists and , most importantly , a redeeming pertinent social message , too ! |
518,610 | 8,239,592 | 79,300 | 10 | A wonderfully warped and wretched piece of pure rancid 70's drive-in psycho horror schlock | An odd , absorbing and even touching low-budget stalk'n'slash meditation on viciously enforced puritanical mores , obsession , psycho killers , sex , nudity , bold-faced cinematic ineptitude , paltry production values and , most importantly , the profound need to spend your life loving that oh so wonderful , but annoyingly elusive someone special . Irritable , homicidal , rigidly moralistic photographer Pierre Agostino angrily throttles every last gorgeous babe who fails to meet his strict ideal of the " perfect " woman . That's until he meets the wacko sicko " pure " gal of his dreams : Equally sanguinary and choleric bookstore owner Carolyn Brandt , who has a charming tendency to slice open the throats of any given filthy , uncouth bum who hits on her . The fact that Pierre has a passion for pigeons and Brandt has this thing for jogging only makes things better . Gee , ain't psychopathic misanthrope amour just grand ? Well , this exceptionally stinky , but strangely engaging and enthralling cheapjack trashy ragged-around-the-edges bargain basement poverty-row nickel'n'dime slice'n'dice sleazy junk sure hits the scuzzy spot something lurid . Under legendary Grade Z movie maestro Ray Dennis Steckler's typically slipshod ( mis ) direction , this choice cheesy chunk of celluloid crud hits all the essential schlock picture bases : we've got a forcefully delineated depiction of the dirty , grotty , thoroughly rundown and destitute Los Angeles milieu , the numerous murder set pieces pack a certain crudely ferocious wallop ( the scene where Pierre strangles a hot chick in a jacuzzi with her own bikini top is a real doozy ) , a hideously meandering pace , clunky , tattered , unsteady cinematography which will have your stomach doing flip-flops , a great woozy , dolorous , wretchedly tuneless droning jazz score , hilariously horrible dialogue ( Pierre to victim : " Die garbage ! " ) , a catchy , affecting , truly wondrous ending credits theme song called " You're My Love " that's belted out with lip-smacking gusto by Alberto Sarno , lots of sexy , slender , firm-breasted young honeys who blithely display their delectable bare bodies with splendidly saucy'n'sizzling abandon , a warped , penniless , discontent , brooding gloom-doom slimy mood which grows on the viewer like a bad rash , and - - WARNING : Major SPOILER ahead ! - - the final climactic meeting between the two titular loonies ( they both kill each other ) is both quite moving and simply glorious . This winner has almost everything going for it , with the notable exception of one tiny irrelevant thing : Quality . But hey , who needs quality when you can have an unceasingly ratty and repulsive teeming surplus of bottom-of-the-dumpster dwelling dimestore skankbag griminess instead ? |
517,893 | 8,239,592 | 64,349 | 10 | A truly timeless and terrific TV yuletide holiday special treat | I've seen this truly timeless and terrific late 60's TV yuletide holiday special classic more times than I can count and it never fails to make me feel totally elated . Jolly , lovable snowman Frosty ( exuberantly voiced with marvelously plummy gusto by Jackie Vernon ) miraculously comes to life when a discarded magic silk top hat falls atop his head . But Frosty can't stick around for long or he'll melt due to the rising temperature . Meanwhile , evil , yet inept magician Professor Hinkle ( voiced with winningly rascally snake oil élan by Billy De Wolfe ) chases after Frosty in order to get his hat back . The wonderfully catchy and merry theme song , the engagingly folksy Christmas postcard-style animation , Jimmy Durante's delightful narration ( Durante also heartily belts out the theme song ) , the endearing characters ( I love Hocus-Pocus the rabbit ! ) , and an irresistibly sweet-natured sensibility that's utterly bereft of any smug irony or sour cynicism make this lovely and radiant gem a complete joy to behold . Legendary voice actor Paul Frees lends his gloriously melodious golden pipes to the juicy supporting roles of both Santa Claus and a testy traffic cop . Essential annual seasonal viewing for kids of all ages , including crusty old adults like this humble reviewer . |
518,710 | 8,239,592 | 125,031 | 10 | An astonishingly awful , yet strangely charming and entertaining ultra-cheap horror splatter hoot | The gnarly 80's retro hell prologue deftly sets the tone for the considerable campiness to come : a luckless lady jogger wearing leotards , a tank top , leg warmers and a headband gets brutally bagged by a machete-wielding lunatic . The film gets worse / better after that dubious beginning . Four uniformly obnoxious and unlikable young folks venture into a remote desolate forest for a camping trip . The quartet run afoul of a trio of dirty , hairy , chortling , foul-mouthed and inhospitable greasy backwoods sleazeball cannibal degenerates who proceed to gleefully kill and eat them . This bargain basement bottom-of-the-barrel poor man's " The Hills Have Eyes " represents dimestore Do-It-Yourself indie fright feature schlock at its most deliciously dire and dismal . This perfectly putrid picture commits all the essential bad film mistakes to qualify as a wonderfully rancid piece of wretched dreck : ham-fisted ( mis ) direction , poky pacing , horrendously rank amateurish acting from a game no-name cast , cruddy sound , shaky , ugly , washed-out shot-on-video photography , a trite and totally predictable script , a meandering narrative , a gratingly droning and redundant synthesizer sludge score , a dab of gratuitous female nudity , lousy dialogue ( " I have a feeling this is going to be a weekend we're never going to forget " ) , a dreadful group singalong in a van , cheesy excessive gross-out gore ( fake blood sprays everywhere whenever someone gets gruesomely offed ) , and a simply jaw-dropping incredibly jaunty ending credits theme song . The undeniable tasteless highlight occurs when two of the flesh-eating fiends butcher a pregnant woman and joyfully devour her fetus ! A hilariously horrible horror howler that's not to be missed . |
519,200 | 8,239,592 | 71,266 | 10 | A simply spectacular 70's women-in-prison drive-in gem | Jonathan Demme's directorial debut for Roger Corman's legendary exploitation outfit New World Pictures rates highly as one of the finest chicks-in-chains 70's grindhouse classics to ever grace celluloid . Beauteous Russ Meyer starlet Eric ( " Vixen , " " Beyond the Valley of the Dolls " ) Gavin gives a robust , winning performance as a brassy , resilient new fish who does her best to persevere in a grimy , hellish penitentiary . The always fabulous Barbara Steele offers a deliciously wicked portrayal as the mean , crippled , sexually frustrated warden ( her erotic dream about doing a slow , steamy striptease in front of the lady inmates is a real dilly ) . Longtime favorite 70's B-movie actress Roberta ( " The Arousers , " " Unholy Rollers " ) Collins delivers a hilariously raunchy and endearing turn as a cheerfully forward , foul-mouthed kleptomaniac felon who tells a gut-busting dirty joke about Pinnochio . Lynda Gold ( a . k . a . Crystin Sinclaire of Tobe Hooper's " Eaten Alive " and Curtis Harrington's " Ruby " ) makes her lively film debut as uninhibited wildcat Crazy Alice . And the ever-cuddly Cheryl " Rainbeaux " Smith does a lovely , touching reprise of her fragile frightened innocent role from " Lemora : A Child's Tale of the Supernatural . " Although this picture does deliver the expected ample amount of coarse language , nudity , rape and violence , it's still by no means a typically crass and sexist piece of lurid mindless filth ; the movie very effectively explores the many ways in which men cruelly exploit women and strongly asserts the pro-feminist notion that women can overcome any obstacles if they band together into a group so they can bravely face their misogynistic oppressors as one mighty fighting force . Demme's zesty , confidant direction comes through with a glorious abundance of astutely observed incidental details and delightful moments of engagingly quirky human behavior . Furthermore , both Tak Fujimoto's vibrant cinematography and John Cale's marvelously dolorous oddball blues score are 100 % on the money excellent . Patrick Wright ( Sheriff Mack in the uproariously awful cheap-rubber-monster-suit creature feature howler " Track of the Moonbeast " ) has a sidesplitting bit as a jerky cop who has his car stolen by a trio of prison escapees when he stops at a gas station to use the bathroom . Lively , rousing and immensely enjoyable , " Caged Heat " qualifies as absolutely essential viewing for 70's drive-in movie fans . |
518,132 | 8,239,592 | 121,694 | 10 | An absolutely astonishing camp riot | This astoundingly abysmal piece of unmitigated schlock rates highly as one of the single most sublimely stupid and sidesplitting kitsch hoots I've had the pleasure to watch in quite a while . An evil drug lord uses a bunch of rot-faced hopping vampires to retain his power . Narcotics agent Tom Wilde gets shot and killed in the line of duty . He's brought back to life as a lethal and unstoppable cyborg who looks like he's been wrapped from head to toe in bright shiny tin foil . Meanwhile a macho meathead mercenary guy battles dope dealers in the jungle who have abducted a beautiful blonde babe agent . Boy , does this jaw-dropping dreadful doozy possess all the correct so - utterly - wrong - that - they're - paradoxically - right stuff to qualify as a real four-star stinkeroonie : fumbling ( mis ) direction , priceless dopey dialogue ( favorite line : " Kill the priest , quick ! " ) , ineptly staged shoot-outs , hilariously horrible dubbing , plentiful gut-busting over-the-top chopysocky fight scenes , broadly drawn characters , horrendously hammy acting , a silly romantic subplot involving the head vampire guy who can fire sparks from his fingertips and a sexy ghost girl wearing a semi-transparent gown ( said sexy ghost girl is obviously doubled by a man during her more strenuous fight scenes ! ) , a generic hum'n'shiver synthesizer score , outrageously gruesome , yet tacky gore , a rambling and barely coherent narrative ( this flick is clearly two separate movies which have been sloppily edited together ) , a nonstop frantic pace , and a seriously messed-up story that clumsily combines elements of horror , action , martial arts , crime thriller and even comedy into a spectacularly ungodly brew . An undeniably awful , but often uproarious and always immensely entertaining serving of infectiously inane celluloid lunacy . |
519,031 | 8,239,592 | 236,328 | 10 | My favorite Mexicon biker movie | If you've always wanted to see a sordidly spirited south-of-the-border version of Roger Corman's immortal chopper classic " The Wild Angels , " then this alarmingly crude and gloriously excessive degenerate filth biker trash is the answer to your wildest , most deranged and antisocial scuzzy celluloid prayers . You know you're in for a real treat when the picture opens with the credits spray-painted in gaudy graffiti on a brick wall while a crummy surf-rock theme song ( complete with wailing vocals and a tacky reverb guitar riff ) blares away on the soundtrack , then clinches the whole deal by showing a bunch of machine gun-brandishing nuns robbing a bank ! And that's just for starters , as this exceptionally abominable feature graphically depicts the gross exploits of an especially nasty coed biker gang embarking on a blithely immoral and unrestrained crime spree . What follows after that astounding beginning rates as a marvelously odious anything-goes let-it-all-hang-out catalog of wall-to-wall violence , brutality and plain old no-holds-barred stinkweed depravity : shoddy splashes of grungy gore , a gaggle of frumpy housewives are tied-up and savagely raped ( one has her hand cut off and mailed to her husband ! ) , sleazy soft-core sex scenes , gratuitous bared distaff skin on frequent display , an amazingly debauched biker orgy , chain whippings , a hapless gas station attendant gets torched , a cop is dragged behind a speeding vehicle , and even a Russian roulette scene , plus such standard action as car chases , shoot-outs and explosions . The latter stuff is staged with an appalling ineptitude that's a wretched wonder to behold , while the lousy acting , limp direction , ragged editing and grainy cinematography shot on ratty scratched-up film stock further enhances the overall rankness of this supremely schlocky swill . Better still , the motorcycle mamas are incredibly slutty-looking : With their obviously phony over-sized silicone breasts , scarily garish made-up faces , and frightfully enormous over-permed hairdos , these skanky honeys resemble low-rent strippers . The men are even more laughable : their scraggly beards , ridiculous Mohawks , hideous multi-colored dyed hair , and ugly heavily made-up mugs make them seem like gay bondage bar regulars . Special credit must go to the movie's costume designer , who as the eye-burning onslaught of metal studs'n'chains leather outfits worn by most of the cast implies clearly had a thing for scrappy " Road Warrior " ish leather punk apparel . Now , with all this positively delectable and unmitigated cheesiness going for it , how can one not seriously dig this beautifully base and berserk mondo freako garbage ? |
518,190 | 8,239,592 | 51,337 | 10 | An exciting and hugely enjoyable fantasy adventure treat | Courageous sailor Sinbad ( an appealingly earnest Kerwin Matthews ) embarks on a perilous quest to break a spell put on his beloved fair maiden Princess Parisa ( ravishing brunette beauty Kathryn Grant ) by cunning and wicked powerful magician Sokurah ( grandly played with lip-smacking aplomb by Torin Thatcher ) . Nathan Juron's strong , robust direction maintains a steady pace throughout and stages the action set pieces with considerable rip-snorting brio . Ray Harryhausen's marvelously vivid and lifelike stop-motion animation creatures include a ferocious gigantic Cyclops , a vicious two-headed giant bird beast , an angry fire-breathing dragon , an exotic four-armed snake woman , and , best of all , a lethal sword-wielding skeleton who fights Sinbad at the film's incredibly exciting conclusion . Kenneth Kolb's smart , colorful script has a few nice gritty touches ( Sinbad's crew is largely made up of hardened criminals and the Cyclops puts a screaming man on a splint over a fire so he can cook and eat him ) . Richard Eyer delivers a charming performance as a sad imprisoned little boy genie . Bernard Herrmann's lively , rousing , flavorsome score , Wilkie Cooper's rich , vibrant color cinematography , and the engagingly sincere tone are likewise on the money excellent and impressive . A real delight . |
518,011 | 8,239,592 | 51,380 | 10 | A wonderfully ridiculous 50's low-budget sci-fi camp classic | Rich recovering alcoholic Nancy Archer ( a marvelously fierce performance by the gorgeously statuesque Allison Hayes ) transforms into an angry and lethal roaring behemoth after she has a run-in with a giant bald alien ( leering chromedome Michael Ross ) . Nancy breaks free from her chains and goes looking for both her faithless no-count dirtbag husband Harry ( a perfectly slimy William Hudson ) and his sexy floozy mistress Honey Parker ( a deliciously naughty portrayal by the yummy Yvette Vickers ) . Competently directed by Nathan Hertz ( who amazingly enough also helmed the magnificent " The 7th Voyage of Sinbad " around the same time ! ) , with a blithely silly script by Mark Hanna ( who also wrote Roger Corman's fantastic " Not of This Earth " ) , a nonstop brisk pace , stark black and white cinematography by Jacques R . Marquette , hilariously hokey ( far from ) special effects ( the tacky back screen projection is absolutely sidesplitting ; ditto the cheesy big rubbery hand ) , a tight 65 minute running time , a fabulously brassy overwrought orchestral score by prolific 50's B-flick composer Ronald Stein , a simply astounding last reel mondo destructo rampage ( Hayes looks incredibly sexy clad in her bed sheet bikini ! ) , and admirably sincere acting from a game cast that includes Roy Gordon as the kindly Dr . Isaac Cushing , Ken Terrell as loyal butler Jess Stout , George Douglas as the stalwart Sheriff Dubbitt , Otto Waldis as wise Dr . Heinrich Von Loeb , and Frank Chase as amiable goofball Deputy Charlie , this legendary cult item totally deserves its sterling status as a positively gut-busting kitsch gem . |
518,348 | 8,239,592 | 67,525 | 10 | It's the end of the world with Chuck Heston - - and it's a total groove , baby ! | Richard Matheson's terrific novel " I Am Legend " has been twice adapted for the big screen . The first adaptation was " The Last Man on Earth , " an unsparingly grim'n'gloomy Italian mid 60's Gothic horror outing starring Vincent Price . " The Omega Man " on the other hand is a lively undead corpse of an altogether separate hue - - and it's one rip-roaringly loud , gaudy , tripped-out funky-a blinding Day-Glow color at that . Yep , this American made sci-fi / action baby only retains the central premise of Matheson's book , embellishing greatly on the story so it can snazzily cater to all the hip'n'happening trends of the early 70's . The film serves as a wildly distorted and hugely entertaining funhouse mirror reflection of the heady early 70's and nowadays naturally represents a hopelessly dated , yet still oddly charming time capsule of a bygone era . A terrible plague has wiped out most of mankind and turned the bulk of folks who are still alive into crazed albino mutants . Famed NRA spokesman and archetypal post-nuke sci-fi / action survivalist icon par excellence Charlton Heston portrays with his customary steely resolve and firm granite jaw one Robert Neville , an unattached , sardonically wisecracking , rough'n'tumble machine gun-toting bachelor scientist who lives in an eerily empty and desolate Los Angeles along with a lethal bunch of the evil albino mutants . Led by former TV newscaster turned Charles Manson-style cult leader Matthias ( deliciously essayed with lip-smacking hammy relish by veteran villainous character actor Anthony Zerbe ) , the smart , calculating , shades-wearing nocturnal albino mutants call themselves " brother " and " sister , " wear cowled black robes which make them resemble deranged monks , use bows and arrows as weapons , and wish to destroy all remnants of modern society so they can create a new technology-free medieval world . These gloriously gaga freaks come across like a marvelously malign cross between the Manson Family and the Black Panthers . Meanwhile our carefree and nonchalant human hero Heston tools around the barren ruins of LA in a fancy convertible while blasting the sappy theme of " A Summer Place " on his 8-track stereo ( ! ) , treats himself to countless free showings of " Woodstock , " blithely blows away lots of mutants with his trusty machine gun , sips fine wine and plays chess with himself , and has a steamy interracial affair with a spunky black lady survivor ( the delightful Rosalind Cash , sporting a jumbo Afro that would make Pam Grier blush ) . Heston runs across a handful of mellow hippie kids led by motorcycle-riding longhair Paul Koslo who have all somehow managed to avoid being infected by the disease . It gets better . WARNING : Big old nasty SPOILER ahead . The film ends on a ridiculous optimistic note with Heston being done in by a spear-tossing Matthias ; a serum made from his blood is left behind to cure the survivors . Best of all , Heston croaks with his arms outstretched in a cheesy Jesus Christ on the cross posture , a self-deifying image that's further hammered home by a tacky solarized final freeze frame . The closing visual reveals the entire picture to be nothing more than a silly , thinly veiled Christ allegory . Yep , the basic tone strongly adheres to an extremely conventional and conservative Christian mentality , a giddy upbeat mindset which in turn makes this amazing item an absolute four-star camp hoot of the highest order . The scenes of Heston roaming through the bleak and abandoned city streets are wonderfully bizarre and haunting , highlighted by Heston's extraordinary " the phone isn't ringing " crack-up scene . It's this pervasive straight-faced sense of total inside-out strangeness which gives this fabulously flipped-out film its peculiarly irresistible oddball appeal . |
518,625 | 8,239,592 | 67,490 | 10 | One of the all-time great 70's made-for-TV horror movies | Darren McGavin gives a wonderfully robust and engaging performance as Carl Kolchak , an abrasive , impetuous , impulsive , and excitable down-on-his-luck newspaper reporter who uncovers the scoop of a lifetime after he finds out that Janos Skorzeny ( a genuinely frightening portrayal by Barry Atwater ) , the man responsible for a vicious series of baffling murders in Las Vegas , is an actual vampire . Expertly directed with topmost brisk efficiency by John Llewllyn Moxey ( who also gave us the well-regarded early 60's gem " Horror Hotel " ) , with a sharp and witty script by noted writer Richard Matheson , a constant frantic pace , plenty of tension ( the big confrontation between Kolchak and Skorzeny is especially harrowing ) , a wickedly amusing sense of cynical humor , several rousing rough'n'tumble action set pieces , and a realistic downbeat ending , this bang-up little winner makes for an incredibly gripping , scary , and flat-out entertaining treat . The first-rate acting from a stellar cast of seasoned pros constitutes as another significant asset : Carol Lynley as Kolchak's loyal , concerned gal pal Gail Foster , Simon Oakland as Kolchak's irascible , long-suffering superior Tony Vincenzo , Ralph Meeker as affable FBI agent Bernie Jenks , Claude Akins as the huffy Sheriff Warren A . Butcher , Charles McGraw as the crusty Police Chief Ed Masterson , Elisha Cook , Jr . as wormy informant Mickey Crawford , Kent Smith as the severe District Attorney Tom Paine , Larry Linville as puzzled coroner Dr . Robert Makurji , and Stanley Adams as fast-talking used car salesman Fred Hurley . Michael Hugo's crisp , polished cinematography accurately nails the blinding gaudiness of the Las Vegas setting ( said Vegas setting is a truly inspired stroke of genius , with the city's notorious reputation for sucking tourists ' wallets dry serving as an ideal counterpart to Skorzeny's literal bloodsucking rampage ) . Bob Cobert's groovy-spooky score likewise hits the funky spot . Moreover , the violence is really brutal and intense for an early 70's made-for-TV picture ( Skorzeny calmly breaks a large dog's neck in one particularly chilling scene ! ) . With his battered straw hat , rumpled suit , and aggressively opportunistic go-getter sensibility , McGavin's Carl Kolchak qualifies as a highly likable , if unlikely and pretty scrappy everyman hero . Totally worthy of its cult classic status . |
518,502 | 8,239,592 | 64,393 | 10 | A great stirring slice of prime 60's Japanese sci-fi horror fun | In the early 21st century an asteroid on a direct collision course with Earth is successfully destroyed by the courageous crew of the military space station Gamma 3 ( this harrowing beat-the-clock tension heavy sequence , with several dudes drilling holes into the asteroid so explosives can be planted in its core , was shamelessly ripped off by the horrendous big budget blockbuster abomination " Armegeddon " ) . Alas , the staunchly professional army men unwittingly take an alien spore back with them into the space station . The spore grows into an unsightly , lumpy , noisy , tentacled , multi-eyed , lumbering green-skinned vegetable monster with a lethal electric touch , the ability to reproduce at a shockingly fast rate , and an insatiable appetite for electrical power . Pretty soon the whole station is under attack by a teeming horde of these relentless , seemingly unstoppable creatures . It's up to starchy , tenaciously by-the-book Commander Jack Ranklin ( toughly played to the stern , steely hilt by Robert Horton ) , equally austere and stalwart base head honcho Vince Elliot ( the always intense and gravely serious Richard Jaeckel ) , and resolute physician Lisa ( bodacious former Bond Eurobabe Luciana Paluzzi in a strictly decorative eye candy part ) to defeat the dangerous extraterrestrial thingies in order to save the entire human race from possible extinction . Directed with tremendous flair by Kinji Fukasaku ( who brought a similar vigor to the extraordinary end-of-the-world dazzler " Virus " and later helmed both " Battle Royale " pics , jam-packed with rousing laser gun battles , monsters jumping and frying folks , heroic sacrifices , edge of your seat suspense , some surprisingly graphic outbursts of deliriously out of control violence , and mighty macho guys gritting their teeth and manfully standing up to the alien menace , " The Green Slime " doesn't mess around for a second , getting right to the point with stirring headlong momentum and a winning paucity of pretense . ( Be sure to snag a copy of the original Japanse version , which thankfully jettisons a draggy romantic triangle subplot involving Hutton , Jaeckel and Paluzzi in favor of emphasizing more monster-loaded action sequences . ) The tone remains properly solemn and matter of fact , without ever lapsing into any needless goofball humor . The cast all turn in solid performances , bringing an admirable gritty conviction to their parts . The pace gallops along an an incredibly brisk tempo ; there are no dreary lulls to be found in this bang-up item . The urgently brooding score is used judiciously . The groovy , rough-diggin ' , fuzztone'n'zither rippin ' psychedelic rock theme song profoundly cooks . Yoskikaza Yamasawa's lively , polished cinematography cuts loose with lots of crazy tilted camera angles and lightening swift pans , adding a heady adrenaline rush buzz to the fiercely kinetic proceedings . Akira Watanabe's hokey , but colorful special effects - - Tonka toy miniatures , extremely conspicuous matte lines , rubbery monster suits , that sort of endearingly fake stuff - - possess a certain tack charm . Bluntly plotted , efficaciously executed , and often exciting , " The Green Slime " overall rates as the genuine no-kiddin ' business . |
519,226 | 8,239,592 | 117,468 | 10 | An exciting , outstanding and extremely imaginative sci-fi / action time travel treat | In the wake of an unfortunate incident which lead to six people losing their lives , smart , gutsy , but severely guilt-ridden hostage negotiator Karen Warren ( strongly played by Kylie Travis ) quits her job and goes driving cross country to get her head together . Problems arise when Karen wrecks her car in the middle of a swelteringly hot and empty stretch of barren Texas backroads . Karen's given a lift by foul , boorish , obnoxiously hostile and hot-tempered redneck psycho criminal Frank Booth ( a fabulously forceful and flamboyant portrayal by James Belushi ) and his timid , browbeaten wife Rayanne ( a topflight turn by erstwhile 90's direct-to-video erotic thriller starlet Shannon Whirry ) . Frank kills Rayanne in a fit of rage when he finds out she's cheating on him . Karen narrowly avoids being bagged by Frank , seeking shelter in a secret government compound where token nerdy scientist Brian ( a charmingly boyish Frank Whaley ) is experimenting with time travel . Karen goes back twenty minutes in time and attempts to stop Frank from killing Rayanne with even more disastrous results . Bound and determined to get things right , Karen goes back in time again . And then again when things go even more awry . . . Director Louis Morneau , working from a highly sharp-witted and imaginative script by Michael Hamilton-Wright , Robert Strauss and Philip Badger , ingeniously blends elements of a gritty crime thriller , a grungy road movie , and your basic ripping'n'rousing actionfest with a nifty central science fiction premise into an excitingly dynamic , absorbing and oftentimes literally explosive handy dandy multi-genre combo synthesis . The extremely exhilarating action sequences are staged with heart-stopping brio and ability , the suspense is dexterously stoked to the nerve-frying ninth degree , the admittedly funky special effects are used with laudable judiciousness , and the furiously forward-ho headlong pace never once flags or falters during the film's fiercely zesty 91 minute running time . George Mooradian's bright , sun-bleached cinematography adds considerably to the sweaty tension . Ditto Tim Truman's lively , rattling , pulse-pounding score . Kudos as well to the uniformly first-class acting from a swell cast . The always welcome and invigorating M . Emmet Walsh contributes a cogent cameo as a weaselly gas station proprietor . James Belushi's deliciously rip-roaring hog-wild histrionics as the dangerously volatile Frank are a riot to watch , injecting a hilariously crude'n'rude sense of black-as-coal humor to the generally serious proceedings . Most impressive of all is Kylie Travis ' fiery performance as Karen , whose deep-seated need for redemption and exceptional bravery make her a very moving and sympathetic tragic heroine . A multiple award winning feature at numerous foreign fantasy film festivals , this bang-up terrific indie sleeper favorite deserves all the acclaim and accolades it has garnered abroad . It's a sheer delight that's eminently worthy of cult status . |
518,187 | 8,239,592 | 90,859 | 10 | A truly beautiful , touching and thoughtful piece of sophisticated cinematic art from the glorious 80's | This gloriously ghastly celluloid abomination is downright jaw-dropping in its flagrant absurdity and stupidity . For starters , Sylvestor Stallone as Lt . Marion " Cobra " Cobretti has to be one of the single most slimy and hateful would-be " heroes " to ever ooze his scummy way across the screen : With his three day stubble , tight jeans , long black overcoat , mirror shades , leather gloves and penchant for chewing on unlit matchsticks , Cobra exudes all the appeal and charisma of a damp sewer rat . He's also crass , vicious and morally reprehensible , the kind of vile he-man who strictly adheres to a crude " might makes right " mentality and uses excessive brute force as often as possible . Reni Santoni grumbles and mumbles his way into our hearts as Cobra's endearingly grubby junk food junkie partner Gonzales . Brian Thompson snarls , sneers and spits for all it's worth as the deranged head villain ( Thompson's delirious climactic speech towards the end is uproarious ; he keeps using the word " pig " until it becomes some sort of maniacal mantra ) . The cult of crazed lunatics terrorizing the city are a total campy hoot : For some inexplicable reason they engage in this bizarre ritual in which they clink axes over their heads . Some of them wear filthy t-shirts and dirty jeans ; others are dressed in suits . The cult appears to be made up of a diverse cross section of insane folks who are brought together by their mutual love for unhinged psychotic violence . In addition , they want to blithely butcher all us nice law-abiding average weaklings in order to make way for some new world order of gleefully nihilistic murderous barbarians . Ahh , ain't that sweet ? The gorgeously statuesque Brigitte Nielson at least looks properly stunning as a lovely aspiring model the wackos target for annihilation . Considering that Brigitte is six feet tall and built like a Buick , the scenes of her running away in stark fear from the nuts are absolutely gut-busting . She could have easily taken out at least a dozen of these freaks by delivering roundhouse kicks to their groins with her incredibly long legs , but I guess I'm digressing here . Val Avery as a huffy police chief , Art La Fleur as an irate captain , and especially Andrew Robinson as a sniveling by-the-book geeky wimp mostly just stand around and voice their disapproval of Cobra's wildly unorthodox methods . Director George P . Cosmatos tackles the ridiculous premise with a slick punchy'n'polished hopped-up style as if he was making high art ; there's a few alarmingly atrocious music montage sequences set to horrible head-banging hair band rock songs . Plus there's a shockingly abundant plethora of blatant product placements featured throughout . The amazing opening grocery store massacre set piece proudly has product placements for such items as Pepsi and Coors beer . The dialogue in this set piece is priceless : When a ranting fruitcake threatens to waste a few innocent people , Cobra flatly replies : " Go ahead , I don't shop here . " " Motel Hell " ' s Nina Axelrod briefly pops up as an ill-fated diner waitress and " Sledge Hammer " ' s David Rasche does a similarly fleeting turn as an equally doomed sleazeball photographer . Moreover , there's a raw , gritty , seedy edge to the scuzzy proceedings which really makes this movie that much more gross and disgusting . A terrifically tacky'n'trashy kitsch riot . |
518,023 | 8,239,592 | 59,756 | 10 | Watch out for the killer jellyfish man ! | William Grefe , the terminally terrible bargain basement Sunshine State auteur responsible for such choice all-thumbs turkeys as the atrocious " Death Curse of Tartu , " the tawdry " The Naked Zoo , " the wonderfully wretched William Shatner psycho scream " Impulse , " and the amiably dippy " Jaws " clone " Mako : Jaws of Death , " strikes out something smelly once again with this alarmingly awful , yet undeniably awesome and hugely enjoyable $1 . 98 K-Mart dime-store discount version of " The Creature from the Black Lagoon . " When a hottie college gal invites a bunch of her friends over to her scientist dad's remote Florida Everglades abode for a swinging swampland shindig , you know that the bash is bound to be crashed by a deadly monster of some kind or another . Well , said monster does indeed materialize in the gloriously ludicrous form of an uproariously crummy-looking , seaweed-covered , obscenely bulbous-headed - - the bloodthirsty beast looks like it has a large , filthy , semi-transparent plastic garbage bag over its noggin ! - - cheesoid humanoid murderous mutant jellyfish man who proceeds to off the pinheads with his lethal poison touch . If that isn't absurd enough , we've also got an uglier-than-a-donkey's-butt creepy hunchback assistant who tries desperately to win over our fetching leading lady's affection to no avail , Neil Sedaka making an off-screen strictly-on-the-radio appearance heartily belting out the exceptionally asinine dance ditty " The Jellyfish " during a simply smashing let it all hang out hedonistic pool party sequence ( Neil eventually did pop up on screen to warble the similarly silly " Do the Waterbug " in the sensationally schlocky psycho howler " The Playgirl Killer " ) , lots of attractive sweet young honeys in skimpy apparel shaking their shapely fannies in the most rhythmically challenged manner imaginable ( ravishing redhead looker Deana Lund of " Land of the Giants " fame among ' em ) , and the marvelously nihilistic fact that almost everyone in the horrendously dismal cast gets deservedly bagged by the homicidal whatchamawhosit . Add Grefe's lifeless direction , pacing so lethargic it makes two snails on downers going uphill sound downright stirring in comparison , painfully stiff acting , gaudy , but static photography , a surprisingly rousing last reel boat chase , and one of those horribly droning stock film library scores . Put all these endearingly crappy elements together and the net result is a real four-star stink-bomb that hard-core bad movie buffs will relish every last profoundly pitiful minute of . Those fabulous freaks at Something Weird Video offer this must-see doozy on a bang-up DVD double bill with " Death Curse of Tartu ; " tasty extras include the original theatrical trailers and a pair of very lively , informative and often hilarious William Grefe commentaries . |
518,089 | 8,239,592 | 71,005 | 10 | One of the single most sublimely screwy Saturday morning kidvid TV shows to ever grace the airwaves | I use to religiously watch this incredibly off-the-wall quirky'n'kooky children's TV show every Saturday morning as a kid growing up in the mid to late 70's . Stalwart widowed forest ranger dad Rick Marshall ( excellently played by the firm-as-granite Spencer Milligan ) , his whiny son Will ( teen pin-up hunkling Wesley Eure ) and spunky daughter Holly ( adorable pig-tailed cutie Kathy Coleman ) are absorbed through a mysterious time portal into an exotic and dangerous primitive world populated by ferocious dinosaurs , savage cavemen , vicious humanoid lizards called Sleestaks , and other such otherworldly beings . The trio are terrorized by Grumpy the Tyrannosaurus Rex , befriended by Cha-Ka the simpleton furball missing link , and try their best to leave this alternate universe . Of course , they run across plenty of bizarre beasties such as Medusa and the Abominable Snowman . Rick was eventually replaced by the equally gutsy Uncle Jack ( rugged Ron Harper ) , but the show never lost its strangely beguiling and captivating sense of zany oddball fun , with the crude herky-jerky stop motion animation , chintzy sets , endearingly shoddy special effects , offbeat plots , likable main characters , and a simply spectacular spirited hillbilly bluegrass theme song all adding immensely to the hugely entertaining weirdness . An awesome vintage 70's time capsule of lovably ludicrous lunacy . |
519,276 | 8,239,592 | 1,104,685 | 10 | The triumphant return of Nazisploitation ! | The Nazisploitation sub-genre was briefly hot in the 70's . Perhaps most famously represented by Don Edmonds ' legendary sickie " Ilsa : She Wolf of the SS , " other examples include such similarly twisted sleaze as " SS Girls , " " The Gestapo's Last Orgy , " and " Deported Women of the SS Special Section . " Alas , this fabulously vile and offensive sub-genre has been dormant for thirty years . Well , Nazisploitation returns with a vengeance with this insanely raw , gruesome and vicious , yet always entertaining and even occasionally quite funny belated entry . 1945 : Sadistic Commandant Helmut Schultz ( superbly essayed with hearty demented aplomb by Charles Esser ) and his equally brutal assistant Wolfgang ( a terrific performance by Steve Montague ) grossly mistreat the prisoners in their war camp . Fed up with being severely manhandled by their ruthless captors , the motley assortment of multi-international prisoners set aside their differences and join forces to stage a revolt . Director / co-writer Keith Crocker loads this trashy tale with all the tasty nudity ( not just the expected luscious bared distaff skin , but also a couple of guys even go full frontal ! ) , sordid sex , graphic gore , hardcore nasty torture , and unflinching depravity any self-respecting fan of unapologetically rough'n'ready low-grade exploitation fare could possibly want and hope for . Among the nifty and exciting outrageous highlights are a beautiful buck-naked lady running through the woods and blowing away Nazi dirtbags with a machine gun , the greatest bathtub castration scene since " I Spit on Your Grave , " some truly wince-inducing genital mutilation , and the rousing climactic jailbreak riot . Moreover , Crocker adds plenty of surprising humor into the already heady mix and acquits himself well in a sizable supporting part as an American soldier prisoner . Kudos are also in order for the uniformly sound acting from a bang-up cast : Edward Yankus as take-charge American Jack , Brenda Cooney as the tough Scottish lass Lucille , Marjie Kelly as the sassy black Marjie , Gordanna Jenell as Helmet's wicked sister Frieda , Tammy Dalton as ditsy Southern gal USO stripper Candice ( " Hail Hitler , y'all " ) , Wayne Chang as vicious visiting Japanese General Yugosami , Steph Van Vlack as the cruel Dr . Zuber , Paul Richichi as a priest with a secret , and Natasa Warasch as the perverted Helga . While all these folks do stellar work , I still have to single out for special appraisal ravishing redhead stunner Tatyana Kot , who delivers an impressively fierce performance as fiery'n'ferocious Russian soldier Natasha . In addition , Jim Knusch's polished cinematography offers a few striking images , the neatly eclectic score hits the groovy spot , and production designer Keith Matturro works wonders with a modest budget . Why , this unbeatable winner comes complete with a provocative central message about how war brings out the worst in human beings and the only way to defeat your enemies is to be even more base and barbaric than they are . Great stuff . |
518,657 | 8,239,592 | 79,688 | 10 | The kids are totally messed up ! | New Grenada is a cozy , pleasant , sedate planned suburbanite community in California . The swank , dreary burg's bored and ignored adolescent population wreaks much havoc ( senseless vandalism , excessive swilling of cheap , available booze , inane , but irritating pranks , multifarious abuse of illegal illicit narcotic substances , and so on ) , which the kids see as the sole viable option for kicking the never-ending tedious blahs that are an intrinsic part of living in such a pedestrian small town . Basically decent , but confused lad Michael Kramer falls in with the neighborhood bad boys , namely surly , heedless , recalcitrant 14-year-old rebel without a clue Matt Dillon ( who's perfect in his film debut ) and vicious jerk bully Vincent Spano . A totally trenchant , arresting and frequently unsettling portrait of seething suburbanite teenage angst and its bitter consequences , " Over the Edge " still remains both timely and topical to this very day . Kramer , Dillon , Spano , Pamela Ludwig and Andy Romano all give excellent and compelling performances as the angry , hostile , mixed-up kids , a memorably nihilistic , unsupervised and uncontrollable bunch of hooligans who get into trouble in a desperate effort to get their negligent , self-absorbed Me Generation parents to notice them . The almost alway fine Jonathan Kaplan's expert , astute , slam bang on-target direction maintains a swift , steady pace , keeps the mood scarily intense throughout , and presents the kids ' assorted criminal antics in a grimly plausible manner . The vivid , cutting , perceptive script by Tim Hunter ( who later wrote and directed the equally chilling and outstanding " The River's Edge " ) and Charlie Haas nails adolescent disaffection and disillusionment with harrowing accuracy . Both Andrew Davis ' agile , lively , luminous cinematography and Sol Kaplan's super , alternately sad and stirring score contribute considerably to the film's sterling quality . The exceptional , highly appropriate and subtly subversive rock soundtrack includes choice 70's tunes by the Ramones , Cheap Trick , the Cars , Van Halen , Little Feet , Jimi Hendrix , and Valerie Carter , whose haunting , elegiac cover of the Starsteps ' bubblegum soul classic " Ooh Child " is played to genuinely devastating effect during the ending credits . The climactic mini-apocalypse - - the kids run completely amuck , trashing and torching several cars and the local civic center - - is truly horrifying . The movie's smart refusal to pass judgment on the kids and their shocking amoral behavior is the key to its tremendous success ; instead the film wisely observes the kids and their actions , thus allowing the audience to make up their own minds what to think about it all . A terrific and powerful knock-out about parental apathy , the destructive , anti-social juvenile malcontents who are direct toxic products of gross adult indifference to their plight , and the severe dysfunction that lurks just below suburbia's placid surface that grown-ups don't wish to openly acknowledge the existence of , this remarkable troubled teen masterpiece hasn't dated a bit and still packs a potent punch even today , primarily because it starkly addresses certain bleak and disturbing social issues that are still sadly prevalent in our society . |
519,191 | 8,239,592 | 90,771 | 10 | An awesomely awful 80's direct-to-video sci-fi / horror atrocity | They're bad movies and then there's exceptionally atrocious , brain-numbing , please God make it stop jaw-stopping spectacles of sheer mind-rotting awfulness that are so utterly abominable that they defy belief and soar off into a stratosphere of extraordinary stinkiness that's a ghastly wonder to behold . " Breeders " qualifies as one of those special kind of schlocky treats . The gloriously sordid premise centers on an ugly , scaly , oversexed humanoid reptile lizard alien ( actually , it's some poor schmoe in a laughably obvious and unconvincing rubber suit ) who kidnaps and rapes a lovely assortment of Big Apple virgins so it can reproduce its species for an impending invasion . Colorless cop Lance Lewman and dull doctor Teresa Farley try to stop the evil extraterrestrial menace , but since they're both incredibly insipid and can't act their way out of a soggy cardboard box one quite frankly doesn't give a st if they succeed or not . Boy , does this beautifully botched baby contain all the right wrong stuff to rate highly as one four-star clinker : flat , uninspired ( mis ) direction by the chronically inept Tim Kincaid ( who also makes gay porno under the name of Joe Gage ) , a grating synthesizer score , pathetic make-up f / x by Ed French ( in one particularly pitiful scene the viewer can clearly see that the actor playing the hormonal alien is wearing sneakers ! ) , plodding pacing , relentlessly cheap'n'chintzy production values , dire dialogue , and staggeringly putrid acting from the entire cast . Fortunately , there's a tasty plenitude of gratuitous distaff nudity from a smoking hot bunch of luscious young women ; almost every luckless lass who gets attacked is either disrobing or in the shower when they get jumped . Special credit must be given here to the beauteous brunette hottie supreme Frances Raines , who performs a lengthy Jane Fonda-style aerobic workout clad only in her birthday suit that's leeringly lingered on by the filmmakers . A truly choice chunk of deliciously dreadful celluloid cheese . |
519,098 | 8,239,592 | 75,343 | 10 | This so - awful - it's - downright - awesome 70's Grade Z creature feature schlocker quite simply rocks ( pun intended ) | Loner mineralogist Paul Carlson ( drably played by the singularly dry and uncharismatic Chase Cordell , who alas never acted in another film ) gets a piece of moon rock lodged in his skull during a meteorite shower . The decidedly lethal chunk of green cheese has a severely bad effect on Paul come nightfall : He transforms into a hilariously cruddy-looking humanoid lunar lizard that ravages the dark , desolate New Mexico countryside , leaving a trail of bloody , mutilated corpses in its deadly wake . It's up to Paul's wise old Native American buddy Johnny Longbow ( poker-faced , more-wooden-than-a-giant-oak stiff Gregorio Sala , who gets to say all this funky mystical prophecy mumbo jumbo about how the murderous reptilian creature is really an ancient Indian god come to life so it can bring about the end of the world ) , aided by Paul's leggy bimbo photographer squeeze Cathy Noland and clueless , stolid local yokel Sheriff Mack ( glumly essayed by Patrick Wright , a beefy , curly-haired perennial co-star in numerous 70's exploitation films who played similar dippy cop roles in " Caged Heat , " " Revenge of the Cheerleaders , " and " Roller Boogie " ) , to stop the scaly , sanguinary , nefarious nocturnal were-lizard beast . Thanks to such tried'n'true so - bad - that - they're - perversely - beautiful ingredients as rank community theater level acting ( although Donna Leigh Drake as Cathy almost compensates for her woeful lack of thespic prowess by wearing these drastically cut blue denim hot pants which show off a lot of her long , shapely , well-tanned stems throughout the entire picture ) , Joe ( " Ilsa " ) Blasco's horrendously chintzy and unconvincing make-up f / x ( Joe also plays the titular butt-ugly critter ) , Bob ( " Ginger " ) Orpin's corny score , a memorably ridiculous creature that was designed by a young , unknown , just starting out up-and-coming Rick Baker ( I'm sure he still lists this baby on his resume ) , a horrifically bad aspiring folkie singer / songwriter who briefly appears on-screen to bleat out the unforgettably insipid folk-pop ditty " California Lady " in a dreadfully slight , nasal , off-key tenor voice , uproariously godawful dialogue ( favorite line : " If I'm gonna die , I wanna die looking like a man - - NOT like a monster ! " ) , painfully gradual molasses going uphill in the wintertime sluggish pacing , several very amusing , dimly lit nighttime attack scenes ( the best-ever assault occurs when Moonie rips open a tent so he can make grisly hash out of a bunch of redneck card players ; one poor guy has his arm torn clean out of its socket and not a single drop of blood gushes forth from the gaping wound ! ) , and poor ( mis ) direction by Dick Ashe ( who oddly enough never helmed another feature ) , " Track of the Moonbeast " makes for an unsparingly ludicrous , often risible and hence quite entertaining so - shoddy - it's - strangely - sublime low-budget horror flick howler . |
518,510 | 8,239,592 | 75,433 | 10 | A poignantly astute and accurate portrait of the devastating psychological effects of incest | Please do not read this review unless you've seen the film first . I'm going to address and elaborate on a key aspect of the movie which is of paramount importance . This stunningly dark , daring , and disturbing exploitation masterpiece tackles the touchy subject of incest head-on with genuinely insightful and unsettling results . Former Ann Frank Millie Perkins gives a strikingly moving and audacious portrayal as Molly , a deeply troubled seaside town barmaid who's in fierce denial about the fact that she was molested by her father as a little girl . Molly projects her repressed rage and vehement disdain for her dad onto other men whom she castrates after having sex with them . Robert Thom's superbly acrid , intelligent , and incisive script possesses a complex Freudian psychology to it , astutely presenting how Molly acts out her aggression towards her father onto other guys who are revered in our culture as god-like figures akin to the father ( Molly's victims include two football players and a stuck-up TV commercial actor ) . It's this aspect of the film which makes it one of the greatest unsung oddball psycho pic gems of the 70's . Of course , this movie wouldn't work as well as it does without Perkins ' truly fabulous lead performance . She makes Molly alternately both sad and scary , sexy and frumpy , vulnerable and impenetrable , lucid and opaque . She's especially heart-breaking towards the shattering conclusion . The supporting performances are likewise outstanding , with noteworthy turns by Lonny Chapman as Molly's sweet , loving and concerned boyfriend , Vanessa Brown as Molly's loyal and worried best friend , Peggy Feury as Molly's pathetic manic depressive layabout sister , Rick Jason as a vain TV actor , the always delightful and vivacious Roberta Collins as a temperamental actress , and Richard Kennedy and George " Buck " Flower as the homicide detectives investigating the murders Molly commits . Flower even served as the film's casting director ; that's his daughter Verkina as young Molly in those profoundly upsetting flashback scenes and his good buddy John Goff as Molly's vile pedophile father ( Goff and Flower appeared in scores of films together , plus collaborated on the script for the immortal schlock slasher stinker " Drive-In Massacre " ) . Exquisitely well photographed by Dean Cundey and smartly directed in effectively no-frills fashion by the great Matt Cimber , further graced by a hauntingly melancholy tone and punctuated with shocking moments of raw violence and hideous abuse , this remarkable gut-kicker packs one hell of a strong and lingering wallop . Truly essential viewing for 70's grind-house film fans . |
519,102 | 8,239,592 | 66,802 | 10 | Mickey Rooney really cuts loose in this stunningly strange and twisted early 70's psycho horror oddity | The legendary Mickey Rooney gives an incredibly wild , hammy and over-the-top full-tilt insane , inspired and uninhibited performance as B . J . Lang , a deranged and delusional psychotic washed-up Hollywood has-been who thinks he's a great successful big-time film director ala Orson Welles . Lang relentlessly torments and terrorizes hapless lovely aspiring actress Carlotta ( the beautiful Luana Anders ) on a dingy and decrepit abandoned studio back lot : he rants and raves to himself with rip-snorting gonzo aplomb , spoon feeds her baby food , impersonates an effeminate make-up artist ( Rooney sports bright red lipstick and gaudy blue eye shadow ! ) , pretends to have a fatal massive heart attack , and occasionally breaks into these astounding impromptu a cappella renditions of " Chattanooga Choo Choo " which he heartily belts out in this pained hoarse'n'wheezy croak of a voice . Writer / director Yabo Yablonsky whips up one awesomely aberrant and idiosyncratic marvel of an outré indie avant garde experimental cinematic meditation on dreams , delusions , dementia and the fine line between unattainable fantasy and bitter reality . Yablonsky deftly creates and maintains a clammy , creepy and claustrophobic weirded-out mood that sucks the viewer into the stunningly surreal and suffocating anything-goes nightmarish atmosphere which proves to be both jarring and riveting in comparable measure . Baird Bryant's garishly stylized cinematography uses every fancy artsy trick in the book : crazily tilted camera angles , distorted fish-eye lens , strenuous slow motion , artificially sped up film , wonky zoom-in close-ups and startling freeze frames . Gil Melle's groovy , droning , atonal psychedelic acid jazz score constitutes as another significant asset . Keenan Wynn briefly pops up in an embarrassingly thankless bit part as a mumbling drunken bum who Rooney runs through with a rapier . While Rooney clearly dominates the picture with his bracingly berserk and bravura acting , Anders still nonetheless holds her own quite well and gets to perform a major crack-up scene where she really cranks up the astonishing eye-rolling histrionics to 10 plus . A splendidly screwy and singular one-of-a-kind piece of sheer celluloid lunacy . |
519,100 | 8,239,592 | 425,458 | 10 | A truly startling and wickedly funny black comedy treat | Morose middle-aged Donnelly ( a typically terrific performance by the always great Brendan Gleeson ) takes a long and grueling train ride home following the tragic sudden death of his wife . Donnelly encounters both a young couple whose baby has just passed away and a brash , rowdy , irrepressibly snotty punk kid ( splendidly played with deliciously malicious glee and gusto by Ruaidhri Conroy ) who antagonizes his fellow hapless passengers with his incessant coarse language and blithely rude , callous and offensive behavior . Writer / director Martin McDonagh , an acclaimed Irish playwright , deftly mines a fresh , startling and often uproariously twisted line in black-as-coal gallows humor in this offbeat and inspired meditation on death , grief and loss . This is hardcore merrily macabre black humor that's as dark as the best chocolate and every bit as tasty ( the exploding cow gag is especially gut-busting ! ) . Moreover , the performances are across-the-board fantastic ( Conroy in particular is simply amazing ) , the photography of the lush Irish countryside is breathtakingly beautiful , and the story offers a wondrous wealth of delightfully warped and shocking surprises . Overall , this stupendous Oscar-winning short film qualifies as 30 sublimely nasty and frequently flat-out sidesplitting minutes worth of pure black comedy gold . |
519,065 | 8,239,592 | 101,740 | 10 | Behold the righteously destructive fury of Father Beatdown | This is without a doubt the greatest , wildest , most gloriously ridiculous and hilarious action movie ever made about a kick-boxing , a-whupping , limb-breaking vigilante Catholic priest with the gift of second sight . Yes , you read that correctly . Our hero ( woodenly played by martial arts champion Michael Foley , who's now a karate teacher ) is a devout man of the cloth blessed with amazing psychic powers ( he has premonitions of evil events right before they happen ) and even more extraordinary deadly chopsocky skills . The butt-stomping padre is sent to a particularly hellish crime-ridden section of downtown Los Angeles . Pretty soon he's cleaning up the heretofore dirty and downtrodden neighborhood , cracking down hard on rapists , drug dealers and other such no-account scum of the earth sinner types . If you think the above plot synopsis sounds unbelievably absurd and outrageous ( and it's certainly both , but in the best " what the hell ? " jaw-dropping surrealistically dreadful way imaginable ) , just wait until you actually watch this fabulously freaky flick . Two of the priests are played by none other than faded " C . H . I . P . S . " dip Erik Estrada and an especially sour Jan-Michael Vincent , the latter as a cranky man of the cloth who's most sincere wish is that God would grant him a transfer already ! ( Pay astute attention to the newspaper Mr . Vincent holds in a bulk of his scenes ; at one truly magical point you can briefly see pages of the script with Jan's lines on them glued inside the paper ! ) . Their irritatingly perky landlady is portrayed by blonde bubble-head Judy Landers of crummy TV infomercial fame ! Better still , a couple of nefarious dope peddlers Foley foils are portrayed by none other than onetime 70's blaxploitation biggie Jim Brown and the massive " Maniac Cop " himself Robert Z'Dar , who looks uncharacteristically suave and spiffy here in a finely pressed suit . All those above cited folks are a definite hoot and a half to watch embarrass themselves royally on screen , but the guy who clearly makes off with the Grand Booby Prize is my main man Don Stroud , whose incredibly berserk and over-the-top hambone turn as a thoroughly deranged fruitcake serial killer who thinks he's a vampire is an absolute gut-busting riot to behold . Poor Don looks and sounds like hell here : Fat , pasty and way out of shape ( Don goes shirtless in one scene and it sure ain't a pretty sight ) , with black raccoon rings around his half-closed eyes and blurting out his insane ranting dialog in a pained raspy croak , Stroud appears to have spent an insubstantial amount of time at a drug detoxification center . One simply hasn't lived until witnessing the sublimely screwy moment in which a cheesy computer-animated skull on Don's dresser comes alive and shouts : " Otis , give me some blood ! Kill the bch ! Kill her ! " Oh yeah , Don keeps the skulls of his female victims and uses them as cereal bowls ( now , that's something special ) . Even more astounding is the sight of Foley in full clerical garb ( white collar , flowing black robe , the whole works , baby ) popping up at various crime scenes brandishing Chinese stars , daggers shaped like crucifixes , and pearl-handled 45 caliber pistols with crosses emblazoned on them . And Foley even gives the low-life hoodlums an ultimatum before busting loose with his quick'n'lethal martial arts skills : They can either ask God for forgiveness and get on the straight'n'narrow path of pure goodness or face the righteously destructive fury of Father Beatdown . Why , this wonderfully wacked marvel even comes complete with an alarmingly atrocious rap ending credits theme song ! Needless to add , this honey rates highly as truly essential viewing for hard-core oddball bad film buffs . |
519,145 | 8,239,592 | 355,032 | 10 | A very thorough and fascinating behind-the-scenes making of documentary | This highly engrossing and informative documentary covers many different bases concerning the making of the fantastic fantasy adventure cult favorite " The Dark Crystal . " Among the people interviewed are Jim Henson , Frank Oz , conceptual designer Brian Froud , Froud's wife Wendy Widener , producer Gary Kurtz , Garthim supervisor Fred Nihda , Kira performer Kathryn Mullen , and choreographer Jean-Pierre Amiel . The topics covered herein include the evolution of the creatures from drawings to sculptures , the building of the puppets , how the vile reptilian villains the Skeksis are based on the seven deadly sins , the use of a large and diverse array of technicians for the demanding and ambitious project , casting mimes , dancers and acrobats as performers in the picture , the meticulous creation of a whole elaborate alternate world from the ground up , the occasional artful use of matte paintings , the building of the sets , the great stroke of having ace cinematographer Oswald Morris shoot the movie , the unique decision of having both Oz and Henson collaborate on directing the feature , and the filming of the destruction of the Skeksis castle for the thrilling climax . Everyone involved talks about all the hard work and effort that went into making " The Dark Crystal ; " any sense of smug self-congratulation is thankfully absent . Essential viewing for fans of the film . |
518,722 | 8,239,592 | 183,884 | 10 | A simply stupendous early 60's end-of-the-world sci-fi scream | This endearingly earnest , but hopelessly ham-fisted early 60's $1 . 98 poverty row sci-fi end-of-the-world doomsday thriller plays today like a four-star funny laugh-a-minute high camp exercise in hilariously hysterical Cold War era paranoia . The minimalistic setting is the side of a desolate desert backroad . The time is 4 : 00 a . m . in the morning a few days before Christmas . Stalwart , upright , fiercely by-the-book Deputy Sheriff Dan Colter ( a ridiculously rigid and stolid performance by stocky , poker-faced Seaman Glass , who later had small roles in " Deliverance , " " Damnation Alley , " and " The Rose " ) hears about an impending nuclear war over his police radio . Colter pulls over a motley group of folks to prepare them for the forthcoming holocaust . This colorfully varied bunch represent a cross section of white middle class America : a crotchety old man and his equally feisty cutie pie grand daughter , a bickering middle-aged couple , a hot-headed truck driver , a couple of jive-talking hipsters , a speed crazy teenybopper , and , in a desperate attempt to milk a few extra dollops of suspense from this already tense scenario , a murderous young fugitive criminal guy . These pleasantly insipid one-note ciphers argue , fret , drink booze , fight , make out , get all histrionic , become unglued at the seams , commit suicide , gather food and water rations , convert a truck trailer into a makeshift bomb shelter ( ! ) , and sweat out the inevitable . Moreover , Colter kills an adorable puppy dog in order to conserve air ( ! ) and fends off a gang of hostile looters . Brick Marquard's grainy , gritty , starkly plain and unadorned cinematography brings a semblance of naturalistic conviction to this otherwise delightfully overwrought affair , a quality not apparent in Frederic Gadete's ponderous direction , the stiffly sincere acting from a game no-name cast , Greig McRitchie's uproariously inappropriate swinging beatnik jazz score , the tin-eared dialogue ( " Don't let this badge happy cat bug ya " ) , and the silly , pulpy , well-meaning script ( Gadete also co-wrote this howler with Peter Abenheim and Betty Lasky ) . A marvelously clumsy hoot with an appealingly naive mentality about mankind and Armageddon which in turn gives this lovably off-beat period artifact a certain irresistibly quaint charm . |
518,878 | 8,239,592 | 70,679 | 10 | Are you man enough , big and bad enough , to dig this superfly Shaft flick ? | The ever-cool Richard Roundtree , who along with the equally awesome John Saxon has played more cops than any other actor alive , makes his third appearance as John Shaft , the super-tough , super-smooth , oh-so-hot black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks and a most gnarly guy who's always getting into loads of trouble . This time our main man Shaft - - the ultimate bad-a soul brother from the Big Apple hood - - goes to the motherland ( that's Africa , homeys ) so he can get the goods on an evil black slavery ring that's run by - - natch - - an odious bunch of wicked white btards , with the Major Nasty Man himself being suavely slimy French dirt-bag Frank Finley . Like , can you dig this funky st , baby ? Well , frankly I totally dug this simply fantastic and wonderfully outrageous globe-trotting action / adventure treat . John Guillerman's briskly efficient direction keeps the rousing zesty momentum humming along throughout , the action scenes are suitably rough , strenuous , exciting and dynamically staged ( the stick fights in particular are the genuine happening article ) , there's a welcome sense of wryly self-deprecating humor ( a male assassin in drag tries to plug Shaft in an airport bathroom ! ) , the dialogue sporadically offers a few profanity-laced slangy zingers ( " Baby this may blow your mind , but I don't want to [ very naughty word deleted ] you ? " ) and the snappy pace never lets up for a minute , thereby ensuring that " Shaft in Africa " races towards a thrilling conclusion with terrifically steady and unwavering headlong brio . Moreover , the luscious Vonetta McGee lends her fetching , captivating presence as a foxy young African princess who helps Shaft out , Johnny Pate's intensely groovy wah-wah guitar-ripping score is very easy on the ears , the ever-wondrous and under-appreciated Frank McRae pops up in an amusing minor part as a bothersome henchman , the African scenery's gorgeous , Roundtree carries himself with his customary extremely watchable and winningly easy'n'breezy off-handed grace , and - - hubba ! hubba ! - - the tiny , adorable , curvaceous blonde looker Neda Arneric will definitely raise the blood pressure of any red-blooded heterosexual male with her smoking hot portrayal of Finley's sensuous , sex-starved main squeeze ( Arneric's steamy seduction sequence with Shaft is so incredibly sexy and arousing that it almost melted my DVD player ) . A hugely satisfying and immensely stirring final filmic fling for blaxploitation cinema's single most engaging and significant take-charge man's man rugged individualist protagonist . |
519,247 | 8,239,592 | 67,023 | 10 | It's all about the big showdown between car and truck | Substantially more than just the definitive man vs . machine vehicular horror movie ( although this aspect of the film has acquired greater and more stinging resonance because of our current near-total reliance - - hell , debatable over-dependence - - on technology ) , this groundbreaking " danger on the road " genre landmark centrally details the harrowing progression of a meek , spineless , impotent businessman ( strikingly played to the antsy , sweaty hilt by Dennis Weaver in an extraordinary performance that's all raw nerves and disbelieving wide-eyed stares ) with a deep-seated dread of confrontation being forced literally head-on to overcome his fear of adversity by engaging in a do-or-die face-off between his tiny red car and a monstrously humongous rusty truck . The truck itself - - filthy , enormous , covered with grime , vicious and relentless to the point where it can't be dissuaded or reasoned with - - truly represents adversity at its most unsparing harsh and malevolent - - and with a deranged , insatiable craving for continual confrontation . Otherwise , why else would the truck driver blow his horn before demolishing the phone booth when Weaver makes a desperate attempt at calling the police so they can handle the problem for him ? Surely , the truck driver wants Weaver in his car on the road so he and Weaver can carry out a mano-a-mano - - no , scratch that , car-to-truck - - Old West gunslinger-style showdown in order to prove who's make of sturdier stuff . It's either the dude in the truck or the guy in the car , with only one winner allowed and the loser taking the ultimate dive . ( It's also very possible that the truck is really an imaginary product of Weaver's repressed id . ) Okay , one can further interpret this as road rage taken to its most brutal extreme , as a fiercely timely and topical modern update on that classic Darwinian kill-or-be-killed survival of the fittest premise given the contemporary twist of get on the highway or stay in the driveway , with the added punch being that if you can't hack it on the road then prepare for a date with destiny with Mr . Ditch , edged along by a frightening all-powerful gasoline tanker that's hellbent on pushing you into that one remote corner of the road no sensible motorist ever wants to be boxed in . Naturally , none of this would register as strongly as it does if it wasn't for Richard Matheson's brilliantly incisive script and , most importantly , for the fact that Steven Spielberg's superb direction serves as a smashingly accurate model of straightforward no-frills narrative expediency at its most deceptively basic and rattlingly effective : There isn't a single wasted moment , every frame counts , and the edge-of-your-seat nerve-wracking suspense steadily escalates to a shockingly powerhouse white-knuckle zenith . |
517,977 | 8,239,592 | 79,514 | 10 | A deliciously cheesy chunk of vintage 70's Crown International drive-in exploitation sleaze | Bitchy , surly , calculating high school senior Kim Bentley ( a marvelously venomous performance by tasty hot brunette Jill Lansing ) ain't having a good time of it . She's been dumped by her jerky boyfriend Kevin ( stolid Stuart Taylor ) , lives with her shrewish , overbearing mother ( shrill Phyllis Benson ) , is still traumatized by the suicide death of her father , and is flunking all of her classes . Kim immediately starts to improve her miserable lot in life by seducing all of her male teachers and earning extra cash by servicing numerous guys in back of a van for scuzzy no-count pimp Tony ( a nicely slimy Alex Mann ) . Things get even better for the seriously ruthless and amoral sociopath Kim when she leaves Tony and hooks up with smooth crime kingpin Lance ( the ingratiating Garth Howard ) . Next thing you know Kim is bumping off folks for Lance as a deadly assassin ( ! ) . Crudely directed by Irvin Berwick ( who also gave us the wonderfully wretched psycho riot " Hitch Hike to Hell " ) , with a spectacularly lurid , sordid and torrid melodramatic script by John Buckley and Tom Singer , rough , grainy cinematography by William De Diego , plenty of scrumptious gratuitous female nudity , ragged editing , a hilariously horrendous stock film library score ( the " People's Court " theme plays in its entirety during a lengthy chase sequence ! ) , terrible acting from a game no-name cast , a tacky theme song , a sizable smattering of leering soft-core sex , crummy dialogue , a mean , hard , sleazy tone , and one dilly of a surprise bummer ending , this gloriously gaga over-the-top schlock mini-epic makes for a whole lot of entertainingly trashy fun . One especially great scene has Kim give elderly high school principal Mr . Elmhurst ( doddery John Harmon ) a fatal massive heart attack by exposing her breasts in front of him . A simply astonishing disco dance party set piece rates as another uproariously campy highlight . A shamefully overlooked and under-appreciated exploitation crime drama gem . |
518,228 | 8,239,592 | 105,789 | 10 | A funny , touching and simply wonderful gem of a drama | Eric Stoltz delivers an extraordinary performance as Joel Garcia , a successful young novelist who winds up paralyzed and in a special hospital for the recently disabled after breaking his neck in a hiking accident . While learning to cope and adjust with the gravity of his new limited physical condition Joel befriends slick , fast-talking , charming womanizer Raymond ( an amazing Wesley Snipes ) and boorish , surly , racist biker Bloss ( a terrific William Forsythe ) , who feels threatened by the diverse multi-ethnic array of fellow patients he's forced to share a room with . Joel also receives substantial support from his loyal and loving , but married girlfriend Anna ( radiantly played by Helen Hunt ) . But he still must come to terms with being disabled on his own . This remarkable movie's key triumph is its laudably stubborn refusal to neither sanitize nor sentimentalize the severity of what these men are going through . Directors Neil Jimenez ( who also wrote the thoughtful and insightful script ) and Micheal Steinberg relate the story with exceptional taste , wit and warmth , specifically addressing with disarming candor and matter-of-factness how being handicapped irrevocably alters one's lifestyle , including and especially your sex life ( this point is most powerfully made in a striking sequence when Joel and Anna try and fail to make love in a motel room ) . Besides the expected poignancy , the film further provides a surprising surplus of wickedly funny raw , earthy humor that's highlighted by the uproarious sequence with Joel and Bloss making a secret nocturnal expedition to a strip club . The uniformly superb acting qualifies as another significant plus : Stoltz , Snipes , Forsythe and Hunt are all outstanding , with stand-out supporting turns by Grace Zabriskie as Bloss ' doting , amiable mother and Elisabeth Pena and William Allen Young as compassionate hospital nurses . Despite the grim subject matter , the film ultimately proves to be a very moving , positive and uplifting cinematic testament to the astonishing strength and durability of the human spirit . A simply wonderful little gem of a drama . |
517,991 | 8,239,592 | 80,380 | 10 | Do the BIM , everybody ! | Set in the excessively garish and tasteless retro 70's discoid totalitarian future of 1994 , this spectacularly horrendous sci-fi musical religious fable rates highly as one of the single most uproariously atrocious cinematic abominations to ever disgrace celluloid . It sure ain't remotely good by a long shot , but it's so bad in that special sublimely schlocky manner that it's always entertaining and often funny as hell in a total kitsch sort of way . Wholesome folkie duo Bibi ( the insanely foxy Catherine Mary Sewart in her film debut ) and Alphie ( the drippy George Gilmour in his first and only movie gig ) are discovered by evil and debauched music mogul Mr . Boogalow ( deliciously played with lip-smacking wicked aplomb by Vladek Sheybal ) . Bibi falls under Boogalow's foul spell , but Alphie refuses to sell his soul to the devilish creep . Can Alphie save Bibi and the rest of the world from Boogalow's vile influence ? Writer / director Menahem Golan relates this supremely heavy-handed tale about evil , corruption , and the ultimate triumph of good and virtue over the forces of evil in a gloriously overblown glittery Day-Glo style that's strangely intoxicating in its blinding glam trash aesthetic : the tacky costumes , hopelessly dated groovy thumping music , crude lyrics about drugs and sexual innuendos , frenzied dance choreography ( keep your eyes peeled for the dancing nuns ! ) , lavish , but plasticky sets , gaudy cinematography , and the laughably ludicrous happy ending ( Joss Ackland as the saintly Mr . Topps takes all the good people away to another better world in his sparkling white fancy car ! ) make this unholy blend of " 1984 , " " Faust , " and " Hair " a positively jaw-dropping ghastly wonder to behold . The crazy musical numbers are terrifically terrible , with an elaborate set piece set in hell and the sequence with a bunch of folks getting down to the funky government-enforced dance sensation the BIM standing out as the definite sidesplitting highlights . A marvelously absurd and messed-up one-of-a-kind camp masterpiece . |
518,550 | 8,239,592 | 75,988 | 10 | A simply wonderful yuletide show | Cheery Emmet and his kindly Ma are two otters who live in poverty in the quaint rural swampland community of Frogtown Hollow . Both want to buy the other a gift for Christmas , but neither has the money . So they both enter a local talent show contest in order to win the $50 dollar cash prize . This endearingly pleasant and tenderhearted show offers a marvelously delightful wealth of entertainment : the engaging and colorful characters , the brisk pace , the folksy , flavorsome down-home score , the polished photography , the hilarious talent contest show set piece ( the split dancing horse is gut-bustingly bad ! ) , the gentle , good-natured humor , the meticulous set and costume design , the catchy and charming songs ( " Our World " is an especially lovely tune ) , the amazingly lifelike and personable puppets ( Emmet in particular is adorable ) , and the sweet , upbeat tone all click just right . The positively astonishing mean'n'growly hard rock harshness of the Riverbottom Nightmare Band rates as a definite highlight . Moreover , the cast voice their parts with infectious aplomb : Jerry Nelson as Emmet , Marilyn Sokol as Ma Otter ( her singing voice is truly heavenly ! ) , Dave Goelz as Emmet's amiable porcupine best friend Wendel , Eren Ozker as the snippy Gretchen Fox , and Frank Oz as hostile Riverbottom Nightmare Band ringleader Chuck . But what really makes this program so special and touching is the irresistible glowing warmth that's prominent throughout which in turn makes it a complete joy to watch . |
518,585 | 8,239,592 | 80,339 | 10 | A total gut-busting riot | This movie reigns supreme as one of the funniest features ever made . The key to this film's success is its gloriously inane and cheerful anything-goes comic attitude . Some of the jokes are crude ( the st literally hits the fan at one point ) , others strange ( Robert Stack walking out of his mirror ) , many are spot-on sidesplitting parodies of such popular pictures as " Jaws , " " Saturday Night Fever , " " From Here to Eternity , " " Zero Hour , " and the " Airport " series , all of them work because they are presented in a perfectly deadpan , yet still wacky tone . Writers / directors Jim Abrams , David Zucker and Jerry Zucker load the movie with so many throwaway jokes that you have to watch this flick several times in order to catch them all . Moreover , the game and engaging cast all give spirited performances : Robert Hays as goofy hero Ted Striker , Julie Hagerty as daffy stewardess Elaine , Leslie Nielsen as dour Dr . Rumack , Lloyd Bridges as harried airport manager McCluskey ( who picked the wrong day to give up drinking booze , taking amphetamines and sniffing glue ) , Stack as ramrod Rex Kramer , Peter Graves as the kinky Captain Oveur , Stephen Stucker as the zany Johnny , and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as co-pilot Roger Murdock . Plus we've got nifty bits by Ethal Merman , Kenneth Tobey , Jonathan Banks , James Hong , 70's child actress Michelle Stacy ( hilarious as the little girl who likes both her men and coffee black ) , Nicholas Pryor and Russ Meyer starlet Kitten Natividad . Uproarious highlights include a sweet stewardess serenading a sickly girl with a sappy folk ballad , a little old lady sniffing coke , Stack beating up Moonies and Hare Krishnas asking for hand-outs in the airport terminal , Barbara Billingsley speaking jive , and the " Don't Call Me Shirley " running verbal gag . Joseph Biroc's polished cinematography and Elmer Bernstein's appropriately melodramatic score further enhance the overall sterling quality of this absolute hoot . |
519,214 | 8,239,592 | 54,443 | 10 | A superbly eerie , intelligent and ambiguous 60's British sci-fi / horror gem | Quite simply one of the all-time great spooky and atmospheric British sci-fi / horror winners from the 60's , this supremely chilling and engrossing knockout still packs a potent , lingering punch even today . All the young women in the quiet remote English hamlet of Midwich mysteriously become pregnant after the whole populace goes into a bizarre and abrupt 24-hour trance . The ladies give birth to a bunch of odd , emotionless , tow-headed kids with extraordinary kinetic and telepathic abilities . They also have glowing bright eyes , unusual fingernails , and acute advanced intellects . Moreover , the murderous moppets casually kill anyone they perceive as a threat in strange and startling " accidents . " Some of the frightened townspeople stand up to the freaky tykes to no avail . It's ultimately up to brave and perceptive military scientist George Sanders ( who gives a truly outstanding performance ) to put a stop to ' em before it's too late . Tautly directed with commendable understatement by Wolf Rilla , with a smart and compact script co-written by future Oscar-winning screenwriter Stirling Stilliphant , gorgeous black-and-white cinematography , a nicely spare and shivery score , an eerily ambiguous tone , a pleasingly concise 78 minute running time , uniformly aces acting from a top-drawer cast ( the child thespians are extremely unsettling while Hammer horror queen Barbara Shelley makes for a very charming and pretty damsel in distress ) , and a genuinely nerve-wracking conclusion , " Village of the Damned " never falters for a minute . The film's smashing success derives partly from Rilla's wisely stark and straightforward execution , partly from the sheer vague creepiness of the intriguing plot ( no explanation is ever given for how or why the children were born in the first place ) , and primarily from downplaying needless flashy special effects razzle-dazzle to emphasize instead the strong and absorbing adults vs . children conflict at the heart of the narrative ( this movie could be read as a weird and imaginative fantastic allegory on the generation gap that was a key hallmark of the 60's ) . A terrific terror tale that's wholly deserving of its substantial classic status . |
518,356 | 8,239,592 | 75,923 | 10 | A very powerful and poignant 70's made-for-TV drama classic | Troubled , confused , insecure teenager Richie ( a stunningly fine and moving performance by Robbie Benson ) feels unloved , unwanted and alienated , so he becomes dangerously involved with drugs . His stern , abusive , overbearing father ( superbly played by Ben Gazzara ) and overprotective mother ( the equally excellent Eileen Brennan ) try to help Richie , but when conventional methods of aid prove ineffectual poor Richie's drug habit spirals out of control , thereby leading to a shocking and tragic conclusion . Splendidly directed with great care and restraint by Paul Wendkos , with a smart , thoughtful and commendably unsentimental script by John McGreevey , slick photography by Robert B . Hauser , and a spare , melancholy score by Fred Karlin , this strong and gripping cautionary tale about the perils of drug addiction and the severe damage it can inflict on a family packs quite a devastating emotional punch . Besides addressing drug addiction with admirable acuity and matter-of-factness , this film further illustrates the damage wrought by the lack of intimacy and communication between kids and their parents . If Richie's father especially hadn't been so strict and spent more time with his son , then maybe he would have never turned to drugs to alleviate his pain and frustration . Benson and Gazzara are exceptional in their demanding parts . They receive terrific support from Lance Kerwin as Richie's concerned younger brother , Cindy Eibacher as Richie's sweet girlfriend , and Charles Fleischer and Clint Howard as two of Richie's druggie pals ( peer pressure also clearly plays a substantial part in Richie's descent into substance abuse ) . Heartbreaking and unforgettable , " The Death of Richie " rates highly as an extremely poignant and hauntingly sad 70's made-for-TV movie classic which has lost none of its considerable potency throughout the years . |
518,603 | 8,239,592 | 89,912 | 10 | The true reason cinema was invented . An absolute celluloid masterpiece of exceptional subtlety and profound artistic significance | As the extremely subtle , tasteful and artistic title alone suggests , this here is one of those unsung cinematic masterpieces , a monumentally important and incisive cinematic landmark of tremendous cultural significance , a profound and provocative rumination on the complex multi-faceted tenets of the human condition , sheer celluloid poetry . . . hey , who the hell am I fooling ? Scratch that high-faluting nonsense . As the extraordinarily asinine title truly suggests , this steaming hunk of utterly worthless and artless cinematic offal is a sublimely shoddy , silly and downright stupid slice of slapdash spoofy sci-fi piffle any avid connoisseur of sheer celluloid detritus should relish every last dopey , dunced-out dreckoid minute of . The so-called " plot " plumbs startling new depths in the history of " you gotta be kidding me ! " celluloid idiocy : A luscious quartet of predatory and temperamental outer space babes land in the sleepy hamlet of Mayfield to find hunky attractive teenage fellows to mate with . Any person who ticks off the hot'n'horny extraterrestrial honeys gets transformed into gigantic humanoid vegetables such as carrots , pickles , tomatoes , zucchinis , and even squash ! It's up to the boys ' insanely jealous and possessive girlfriends to thwart the perniciously seductive distaff alien menace . Okay , witty and sophisticated the story sure ain't , but frankly who cares about that highbrow artsy crap ? In place of that stuff we got a meandering narrative , mostly decent acting from a game no-name cast , a bevy of nice-looking chicks in skimpy outfits , a goofy synthesizer score set to a thumpin ' disco beat , a touching subplot concerning one alien mother getting to know the psychic half-human son she had 16 years ago ( oh the pathos ! ) , lots of dumb dialogue ( sample line : " Wait a minute - - this is ridiculous ! " ) , chintzy ( far from ) special effects , and cheapo production values that are just a step or two above a homemade stag movie . Granted , this doozy never matches the sidesplitting lunacy of the brilliantly berserk " Invasion of the Girl Snatchers , " but it's still an amiably brainless and hugely enjoyable piece of inconsequential fluff all the same . |
518,714 | 8,239,592 | 275,309 | 10 | An awesomely funky , exciting and dynamic blast of a sports documentary on professional skateboarding | In the groovy mid 70's a scruffy bunch of brash young Venice , California adolescents from broken homes and the bad side of town known as the Z-Boys turned the previously staid world of professional skateboarding on its ear with their fierce punk attitude , radical unconventional riding style , and unbridled spirit of pure in-your-face aggression , revolutionizing the sport in the process and paving the way for the many extreme variations on sports that popped up in their influential wake . Director Stacy Peralta , who's one of the legendary Z-Boys himself , relates the incredible exploits of this amazing ragtag crew in a ferociously punchy and visceral manner that's both informative and wildly entertaining : the snappy rapid-fire editing , ceaseless speedy pace , and raw , gritty photography deliver one hell of an infectiously kinetic buzz , projecting a sense of sheer joy and full-on bustling energy that's a total pleasure to behold . Better still , this documentary neither sanitizes nor romanticizes its subjects : These rough'n'scrappy lads were so fiercely competitive and out for themselves that they all went their separate ways when the lure of fame and fortune manifested in their lives . The ultimate fates of certain guys is poignant and heartbreaking , with gifted and spontaneous ace skateboard rat Jay Adams rating as the saddest and most tragic : He blew his chance at the big time and wound up doing time in jail . The other dudes are very colorful and personable as well ; charismatic ball of cocky and defiant fire Tony Alva in particular comes across as one arrogant , yet impressive piece of furiously assertive work . Marvelously narrated with delightfully easy'n'breezy nasal nonchalance by Sean Penn . The terrific rock soundtrack likewise seriously smokes . But what really makes this documentary such a winner is its refreshing complete dearth of pretense : It's every bit as dynamic , exuberant and larger-than-life extraordinary as the gloriously outrageous Z-Boys themselves . |
519,286 | 8,239,592 | 75,888 | 10 | A choice crummy 70's Crown International creature feature favorite | One of my all-time favorite so - laughably - lousy - that - it's - totally - lovable el cheapo and stinko nickel'n'dime independent horror creature features , an enjoyably dreadful marvel that was released by the formidably fecund exploitation outfit Crown International Pictures so it could play numerous crappy double bills at countless drive-ins back in the 70's and eventually wound up being rerun like crazy on several small-time secondary cable stations throughout the 80's . I naturally first saw this gloriously ghastly abomination on late-night television one fateful Saturday evening while in my early teens and have had a deep-seated , albeit completely irrational abiding fondness for it ever since . A meteorite falls out of the sky and crashes into the still waters of a tranquil country lake , thereby causing a heretofore dormant dinosaur egg to hatch . Of course , the baby dino immediately grows into a gigantic waddling , grunting , teeth-gnashing prehistoric behemoth with goofy flippers , an extended neck and a huge mouth full of little sharp , jagged , stalagmite-like chompers . Our Southern-fried male cousin to the Loch Ness Monster promptly starts chowing down on various luckless local yokel residents of a previously quiet and sleepy hillbilly resort town . It's up to drippy stalwart sheriff Richard Cardella , assisted by the painfully idiotic hayseed comic relief brotherly fishing guide duo of Glenn Roberts and Mark Seigel , feisty gal pal Kacey Cobb and terminally insipid nerdy scientist Bob Hyman , to get to the bottom of things before the over-sized gluttonous Jurassic throwback ruins the tourist trade by eating all the campers and fisherman that the hick hamlet makes its cash off of . Director / co-screenwriter William R . Stromberg displays a wonderfully woeful and thoroughly clueless incompetence when it comes to pacing , atmosphere , taut narrative construction and especially eliciting sound , credible acting from his hopelessly all-thumbs rank amateur community theater level cast . The performances are uniformly abysmal : Cardella is way too bland and wooden to cut it as a solid heroic lead while the pitifully dopey redneck comic antics of Roberts and Seigel provoke groans of slack-jawed disbelief - - you aren't laughing with these two atrociously mugging clods so much as at them , particularly when the insufferable imbeciles discover a severed head bobbing up and down in the murky lake water . Better yet , a clumsily integrated sub-plot concerning a vicious on-the-loose criminal leads to a spectacularly ham-fisted supermarket hold-up scene which degenerates into a hilariously stupid mini-massacre when a young lady shopper interrupts the stick-up artist in mid-robbery ! A subsequent car chase is likewise severely bungled as well ; it's so limply staged and unimpressive that one feels more relieved than scared when the monster abruptly pops up to devour the nefarious fugitive . Moreover , David Allen's funky herky-jerky stop motion animation dinosaur is the authentic gnarly article , projecting a certain raw charisma , sneaky reptilian personality and overall forceful screen presence which makes all the horrendously underwhelming human characters seem like pathetically unbecoming nobody bores in comparison . And as for the rousing conclusion where the sheriff takes on our slavering beastie with a bulldozer , the operative word for this thrilling confrontation is boffo all the way . |
519,407 | 8,239,592 | 72,324 | 10 | My head's still swimming ! A true Claudia Jennings 70's drive-in gem | With her lovely , delicately sculpted face , lustrous long red hair , sparkling blue eyes , slender , shapely figure , ceaseless vivacity , and strong , assertive , engaging personality , the late , great , much-missed former " Playboy " Playmate of the Year turned surprisingly good actress Claudia Jennings was undoubtedly the Venus of delightfully low-rent nickel'n'dime white-trash 70's grind-house grunge - - and quite possibly the Ultimate Drive-In Movie Goddess . Her untimely , unfortunate death at the tragically young age of 29 - - she was hit head-on by a truck while driving her car en route to an audition for a part in a film which might have crossed her over into the mainstream - - has left a yawning void that no other actress could even begin to fill . Luckily , Claudia left behind a most formidable legacy of top-rate Me Decade exploitation bilge , with such gloriously greasy'n'grungy goodies as " ' Gatorbait , " " Unholy Rollers , " " The Great Texas Dynamite Chase , " and this choice chunk of righteously raucous'n'raunchy sleaze-ball fun doing their part to keep Claudia's legend alive in $ . 99 cent two night rental bin eternity . Claudia's in peak spitfire , take-charge , no-bullst form here as Rose , a spoiled rotten little strumpet bch who wants to take over the highly successful restaurant cum prostitution , car-jacking and smuggling ring that's sternly run by her equally redoubtable , domineering , tough-minded mother Aunt Anna ( a rip-snorting slice of fat , juicy , lip-licking prime A-cut ham from veteran soap opera actress Lieux Dressler , who also popped up in the indispensable fright film favorites " Grave of the Vampire " and " Kingdom of the Spiders " ) . Rose hooks up with a couple of slick'n'slimy Mafia hoods in order to take over Aunt Anna's prosperous , eminently desirable and highly illegal operation , with the whole thing culminating in a bitterly ironic mother / daughter gunslinger-style showdown which actually transpires in a dusty , desolate abandoned ghost town ! Spirited , rowdy and immensely good-natured despite its scuzzy subject matter , " Truck Stop Women " makes for an insanely enjoyable affair that's loaded with all the right eager and aiming to please exploitation feature ingredients , namely ample gratuitous female nudity ( Claudia in particular looks completely stunning sans shirt ) , shoot-outs , bloody rub-outs ( watch for the scene where two dastardly fellows get trampled to death by irate cows ! ) , double and triple crosses , a suitably lowbrow sense of rollicking , trashed-out humor , a hit - you - over - the - head - with - a - frying - pan " liberated women gleefully stick it to smug sexist oppressive dudes " feminist subtext ( almost all the gals in this one use and abuse unsuspecting patsy guys for their own greedy self-serving reasons ) , deliciously ludicrous plot twists , and more gear-grinding , smoke-spewing , rubber-roasting full-throttle stomp on the gas mondo destructo truck chases than you can shake a rusty monkey wrench at . Highlights include one 18-wheeler taking the almighty plunge off a steep embankment and the corrupt , corpulent gutbucket sheriff having his beloved police car turned into an asphalt flapjack by a speeding Semi . Director / co-screenwriter Mark ( " Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw , " " Class of 1984 " ) Lester pumps the pace into hyper-kinetic overdrive and allows the infectiously enthusiastic actors to cheerfully emote their crazed heads off . Tubby sourpuss Gene Drew and scrawny goof-ball Dennis Fimple supply hilariously bumbling'n'fumbling comic relief as Aunt Anna's inept flunkies , John Martino lets the smarmy charm ooze freely as an excessively oily sludgewad mobster , familiar 70's TV movie face Paul Carr appears as a character so shady he even gets his own cheesy recurrent spaghetti Western-style twangy guitar theme , and generously over-proportioned Russ Meyer starlet Uschi Digard proudly displays her substantial wares as a perpetually topless truck stop trollop . The steady succession of blow-your-speakers-out boisterous country music from both the fantastic Rod Hart ( the theme song's a real doozy ) and the simply stupendous Big Mack and the Truckstoppers seriously smokes . All in all , what we've got here is a bona-fide four-star both thumbs way up 70's drive-in celluloid landmark of tremendous cultural importance and artistic integrity , meaning that it's flat-out mindless trash with absolutely no pretense or delusions of grandeur to speak of . |
518,634 | 8,239,592 | 200,642 | 10 | Absolutely astonishing | Diminutive three foot tall midget thespian Weng Weng positively lights up the screen with his infectious energy and irresistible charisma in this delightfully dippy spy spoof as Agent 00 , a supremely smooth and suave super spy who's an ace martial artist ( he's a very dirty fighter with a shocking sadistic penchant for hitting opponents below the belt ) , expert marksman , snappy dresser ( Agent 00's gleaming white leisure suit puts John Travolta to shame ) , brutal ruthless killer , and total chick magnet . Agent 00 is assigned to thwart nefarious crime kingpin Mr . Giant , who's abducted brilliant scientist Dr . Von Kohler and plans to use the good doctor's latest invention the N-bomb for evil purposes ( i . e . , world domination ) . However , it would be grossly unfair to say that the incredible Weng Weng is the whole show here : we've also got a tasty plethora of hot babes , hilariously dopey dubbing ( all the villains talk with exaggerated New York accents while Agent 00 speaks with a squeaky Woody Allenesque wimpy whine ! ) , crude direction , gut-dusting dialogue ( " You're such a little guy , though . Very petite like a potato , " one lovely lass remarks to Agent 00 ) , a constant frantic pace , goofy gimmicks galore ( a poison pen , gun umbrella , X-ray glasses ) , rough , scratchy cinematography , a funky-grooving sub-John Barry score , and plenty of the funniest , wackiest , most sublimely ridiculous action scenes to ever erupt onto celluloid . A complete riot . |
517,955 | 8,239,592 | 89,689 | 10 | An astonishingly abominable unsung camp classic | A band of nefarious terrorists lead by crippled ruthless drug kingpin Alby the Cruel ( the stunningly dreadful Blackie Dammett , who does a third-rate Dr . Strangelove impression throughout the entire movie ) kidnap a bus full of tourists who include a U . S . congressman . Alby demands the release of a dangerous criminal cohort and that all the drug enforcement agents in the Phillippines leave the country . The American government send in the courageous DART team - - lollipop-sucking ace martial artist Spike Shinobi ( stolid Sho Kosugi ) , macho meathead Steve Gordon ( the extremely obnoxious Brent Huff ) and hot blonde babe Jennifer Barnes ( the gorgeous Emilia Lesniak ) - - to save the day . Emmett Alston , the same low-budget movie blunder wonder who blessed us with the shoddy seasonal slasher stinker " New Year's Evil " and the amusingly inane Bigfoot sci-fi / horror bomb " Demonwarp , " writes and directs this amazingly abominable chopsocky action opus with a staggering ineptitude that's a true gloriously ghastly marvel to behold . Ray H . Wagner's crude cinematography , Cecile Colayco's cheesy score , the ridiculous villains ( an especially wicked lesbian is named Honey Hump ! ) , and the incredibly awful acting are all uniformly pathetic . A simply stupendous pseudo-James Bond style opening credits sequence with a bare-chested sword-brandishing Kosugi , lots of swirling mist , and three terrible lady dancers clad in leotards rates as a definite campy highlight . The maladroitly staged action scenes are often unintentionally uproarious : Kosugi beats up a bunch of guys while disguised as an old man and even fights four dwarfs sporting sunglasses and really bad teeth . A total four-star sidesplitting schlock howler . |
518,865 | 8,239,592 | 147,119 | 10 | A wonderfully raunchy and ridiculous cinematic ode to the naked female form | This terrific piece of lascivious trash begins on a profoundly artistic note with Rose ( the impossibly tall , busty and leggy Cierra Knight ) cooling herself off with a garden hose . A lone foxy cavegirl ( the divine Michelle Bauer ) shows up . Rose and cavegirl engage in an ineptly staged catfight . Then they take a lengthy shower . Rose's friend Savannah ( the incredibly buxom and voluptuous popular skin mag pin-up favorite Jerica Fox ) arrives at the house . Since both Rose and Savannah are - - big surprise ! - - strippers , they decide to show cavegirl the tricks of their trashy trade by performing a smoking hot sleazy bump'n'grind number . All three gals join together to take a steamy group bath . Meanwhile a hairy caveman prowls around the house . The late , great Gary Graver directs this choice chunk of tasty cheese with exceptional taste , restraint and subtlety , thus offering plenty of heavy insight on any given red-blooded all-American male's deep-seated need to see beautiful women parade about in their birthday suits . Iron Mike Buell's groovy score totally rocks . The crude , leering cinematography surveys all the naked flesh with unapologetic voyeuristic glee . Overall , this superbly mindless T & A schlock rates highly as the " Citizen Kane " of tacky no-brainer soft-core sexploitation short movies . |
518,415 | 8,239,592 | 59,026 | 10 | Still holds up after over 40 years | Yeah , this particular enduring ( and endearing ) classic TV special was indeed made over forty years ago , but still retains its magical ability to cast an enchanting spell just the same . It's partly because of the appealing topicality of the central story ( mopey Charlie Brown can't get into the Noel spirit because of the current crass commercialism of the yuletide season ) , partly because the key message makes a significant point about Christmas without ever becoming too preachy or sappy , and mainly because the show itself astutely captures the joy , warmth and humanity of Christmas in a most lovely and moving way . Director Bill Melendez and writer Charles M . Schultz keep things beautifully simple and unpretentious throughout . Moreover , the cast of lovably awkward kid voice actors add a certain clumsy charm to their characters . And what a likable and colorful bunch of characters we have here , starting with the hapless , yet persistent Charlie Brown , highlighted by the marvelously irrepressible buoyancy of the ever-chipper Snoopy , and given an extra lift by Lucy's delicious meanness , the wise-beyond-his-years sagacity of Linus , and the giddy slovenliness of the hysterically filthy Pigpen . The bright and vibrant animation might seem a tad crude by today's more advanced standards , but gets the job done nonetheless . Vince Guaraldi's delightfully jaunty'n'jazzy score hits the rousing spot . The snappy tempo and merry tone are likewise totally on the money excellent . A real treat that should be watched at least once a year around Christmastime . |
518,251 | 8,239,592 | 85,821 | 10 | An outstanding seriocomic slice-of-life character study indie treat | A wonderful , unjustly forgotten little beaut of a film , a wryly seriocomic and sharply observant slice-of-life character study focusing on the feckless , outmoded , past his prime modern-day " cowboy " and his increasingly woeful , insignificant plight in a rapidly changing contemporary society that no longer has any room or tolerance for the cowboy's rowdy , roughhewn , obstinately conservative he-man way of life . A small Houston , Texas bar called the Alamo is going to be razed to make room for a high-rise building . The tawdry Texas tavern's a popular hangout where the brittle , pathetic , alcoholic nobody regulars - - a bunch of hyper-masculine strutting redneck yahoos stuck in a permanent state of arrested adolescence - - pour their hearts out about how they're catching lots of flack from both their wives and at work while also drowning their sorrows in a sea of liquor so they can feel better about their poor , wretched old selves . The Alamo supplies a means of escape for its lower middle-class blue collar patrons , a fantasyland where the otherwise weak , inconsequential male regulars can parade forth their flashy , hoked-up machismo and pretend to be kings rather than the lowly , powerless serfs that they really are . Independent Lone Star state filmmaker Eagle Pennell's incisive , restrained direction deftly captures and conveys an elegiac , realistic nighttime down-home feel , a wistfully reflective and melancholy tone that in turn creates a poignancy which proves to be extremely moving because it never seems remotely forced or contrived . Brain Huderman and Eric A . Edwards ' plain , stark , gorgeously unadorned monochromatic black and white cinematography lends the film an authentically gritty , quasi-verite look , palpably evoking a smoky , grungy , unglamorous barroom milieu with remarkable vividness . Most impressive of all is the caustically witty and perceptive script by Kim Henkel , who co-wrote both " The Texas Chainsaw Massacre " and " Eaten Alive " for Tobe Hooper . Henkel's exceptional screenplay , loaded with often sidesplitting , full-bore and surprisingly eloquent profanity , offers a touching , trenchant critique of the all rugged and stoical on the outside , but quite anguished and vulnerable on the inside macho male condition , convincingly showing how the common male hang-up of refusing to mature and accept responsibility as one gets older can prove to be highly counterproductive to both emotional and intellectual growth . Moreover , although the picture takes the immature manly man attitude to the cleaners , the characters are never drawn in a smug , condescending way . In fact , the warts and all guys who populate the movie come across as a genuinely likable , sympathetic and affecting bunch . This is largely due to the uniformly top-notch acting , with particularly superb performances by Sonny Carl ( " Melvin and Howard , " " Fast Times at Ridgemont High " ) Davis as the blustery , arrogant , much-revered Cowboy , who gets exposed as an inadequate phony little nothing with unattainable big man delusions ; Steven Mitilla as the scrawny , insecure , irritable William ( a . k . a . " Ichabod " ) , Tina-Bess Hubbard as William's sweet , long-suffering girlfriend , and the incredible , under-appreciated Lou ( " The Blues Brothers , " " The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 " ) Perry , who brings a funny , touching pathos to his role as Claude , an excitable , despondent , hen-pecked working class stiff who spends half the movie on the phone making fumbling attempts at reconciling with his estranged wife . Made at a time when countless big-budget Hollywood action blockbusters glorified macho excess and made it seem very attractive , " Last Night at the Alamo " stands out as a marvelous anomaly that's totally out of sync with the brutish , testosterone-charged no-brainer mentality of its era , eschewing breast-beating machismo for a quietly astute and bittersweet introspection which makes for a beautifully smart and revealing portrait of hard-headed masculinity and its unfortunate consequences . |
517,957 | 8,239,592 | 76,164 | 10 | A truly astonishing and often uproarious low-budget " King Kong " clone | The lamentably lousy ' 76 " King Kong " remake fortunately inspired a handful of hilariously horrible low-budget cash-in copies which includes the incredibly awful Korean cheapie " APE , " the groan-inducing idiotic spoof " King Kung Fu , " and this simply stupendous Hong Kong howler . Produced by the Shaw Brothers , who usually cranked out extravagant chopsocky costumers by the dozens and shot on a conspicuously paltry budget of what appears to be several rolls worth of quarters , this utterly inept , yet always entertaining and frequently sidesplitting tale of gorgeous jungle honey Samantha ( the beautiful , curvaceous , flaxen-tressed Euro minx Evelyn Kraft , giving the viewers am amazing eyeful in a scanty , revealing fur bikini outfit that leaves precious little to the imagination ) and the fearsome , village-stomping behemoth ape who's her best friend is not to be missed . Blessed with all the correct so - totally - wrong - it's - paradoxically - right schlock movie stuff - - clueless ham-fisted direction by seasoned journeyman Ho Meng-Hua , a crummy , leave-no-cliché-unturned cookie cutter script , meager ( far from ) special effects , laughably poor dubbing , proto-MTV buzzsaw editing which accentuates a manic rapid-fire pace over rhythm and continuity , unspeakably terrible dialogue ( " Hey look - - it's Peking Man ! " ) , ramshackle production values , a sappy romance between Kraft and dorky Oriental adventurer Danny Lee ( who also portrayed the titular bionic superhero in the equally astounding " Infra-Man " around the same time ) , a breathlessly frenetic pace , an absurdly melodramatic score , a fantastic mondo destructo monster on the rampage sequence ( WARNING : Possible SPOILER ahead - in one alternate version Kraft croaks along with the ape at the film's riotously botched conclusion ) , a few groovy Erutrash disco tunes ( one's even sung to a cloying lovey-dovey jungle montage ! ) , and , most importantly , a certain cheerfully off-target , yet still unyielding and unbridled go-for-it hearty gusto which blithely permeates every last fabulously fumbled frame - - this choice chunk of delectably dreadful cinematic cheese rates as essential viewing for hardcore bad film buffs . |
518,098 | 8,239,592 | 54,673 | 10 | A positively gut-busting no-budget camp classic ! | Widely hailed as one of the single most spectacularly shoddy pictures to ever disgrace the big screen , Coleman Francis ' notorious Grade Z cheapie clinker makes for an admittedly painful , but still oddly hypnotic and hence unforgettable viewing experience . The massive Tor Johnson of " Plan 9 from Outer Space " infamy stars as Joseph Javorsky , a noted Russian scientist who becomes a dangerous murderous mutant after being exposed to radiation . Writer / director Francis shows an appalling lack of both skill and finesse as a filmmaker : the plodding pace crawls along at an agonizingly sluggish clip , the continuity is dreadful ( the opening pre-credits sequence with some phantom psycho strangling a woman has nothing whatsoever to do with the rest of the movie ! ) , the screaming , four-sheets-to-the-wind overblown score roars away to an irritatingly incessant degree , tubby old Tor isn't remotely frightening or menacing ( plus he appears to have dried egg smeared all over his face ! ) , the infrequent action scenes are poorly staged and unexciting , the scratchy cinematography boasts plenty of clumsy pans and primitive fade-outs , and , worst of all , the ridiculously solemn stream-of-consciousness nonsensical narration by Francis himself blathers away throughout the entire flick about such unrelated foolishness as flying saucers and little kids feeding soda pop to thirsty pigs . However , the final moment between a dying Tor and a cute little bunny rabbit rates highly as a sterling example of sheer celluloid poetry at its most achingly pure and poignant . For all its undeniable crumminess , this slow and static stinker still casts a strangely mesmerizing spell on the dumbfounded viewer . Truly astounding in its jaw-dropping awfulness . |
518,284 | 8,239,592 | 85,764 | 10 | A misunderstood masterpiece of rancid 80's schlock art | I can't believe all the harsh reviews this movie gets . I think it's a true work of deliciously dreadful 80's trash exploitation movie art that totally nails the rampant hedonism and stupidity of adolescence with uncanny accuracy . All the kids want to do in this film are play video games or make out . They have no ambitions or aspirations towards doing anything meaningful or significant with their lives . They just wanna party and have fun . Come on , people , that's exactly what being a teenager is all about ! And boy does " Joysticks " peg this blithely moronic mindset with spot-on incisiveness and authenticity . This movie reaches its true moment of absolute cinematic greatness during the legendary strip video sequence . When the camera pans down to show the hot chick's ample breasts jiggling up and down in extreme eye-popping close-up as she plays the video game those beauteous bouncing boobs perform a majestic ballet that just screams " gleefully mindless sleazy entertainment ! " Yeah , the acting stinks , the plot's a paper-thin joke , the humor is crude and sophomoric , the production values are strictly rock bottom , and the 80's slang , clothes , and hairstyles now are hopelessly dated and laughable at this point in time , but " Joysticks " nonetheless reigns supreme as a genuine tacky no-brainer dreck artifact of its era . |
519,365 | 8,239,592 | 89,741 | 10 | Crispin Glover at his wonderfully wacky best | The gloriously gaga opening scene expertly sets the tone for the incredible , jaw-dropping , incessant and often excruciatingly riotous eccentricity to come : A silhouetted nighttime profile shot of chronically kooky and uncompromising consummate flake thesp Crispin Glover , wearing a flowing blonde wig , wind whipping his hair about in undulating waves , stands astride a mountaintop lip-syncing to Olivia Newton-John's forlorn pop ballad " Please Don't Leave Me Waiting " ! You see , Crispin's an awkward , ungainly , socially maladjusted jerkwater burg misfit with a secret hardcore infatuation with Olivia and her music , a closet fetish that's so extreme that Crispin actually dresses , acts , and - - oh gaa-wd ! - - even sings just like Olivia . Worse yet , Glover even has a " Xanadu " poster on his bedroom wall ! Crispin , after much fretting , decides to come out about his Olivia hang-up to the burg's stuffy , conservative , stubbornly set in their ways square citizens by impersonating Olivia - - he's got the wig on , plus bright red lipstick and black eyeliner ! - - and belting out one of her tunes in a shrill , scratchy , piercing soprano wail at a local talent show that's going to be broadcast on television . A very barbed and caustically funny 35 minute American Film Institute student movie project , " The Orkly Kid " doesn't pull any punches with its revealing exposure and mordant ridicule of the hidebound , close-minded , oppressively staid toe-the-line conformist mindset that's a rigid cornerstone of small town America ( " This town's enough to drive a man nuts , " Glover moans at one point ) , an uptight sensibility which leads to xenophobia and a gross inability to either tolerate or appreciate anyone courageous enough to break away from the restrictive conventional mold . Moreover , the film has the admirable guts to equate conformity with repressiveness , depicting Glover's amiable nonconformist oddball as the only person in the picture who's easygoing and enjoys life while the straight townies are sour , cranky and often down in the dumps unhappy frumps . Glover delivers a perfectly manic performance as the endearingly gonzo main character , with solid support from Stefan ( " Fear No Evil " ) Arngrim as his sole friend ( Crispin tries unsuccessfully to have Arngrim put on a gorilla suit and carry him off stage after he's done with his number ! ) , the ever-adorable Elizabeth ( " Valley Girl " ) Daily as a tarty diner waitress , and Courtney ( " Children of the Corn " ) Gains as a local bullying hick . Glover and fellow marvelously idiosyncratic celluloid quirkmeister writer / director Trent Harris reteamed for the equally amusing and abrasive " Rubin and Ed . " |
518,559 | 8,239,592 | 89,348 | 10 | The Commies are coming ! The Commies are coming ! Save us Chuck Norris ! | Our country is in big trouble : a ragtag multi-ethnic guerrilla army of nefarious Communist terrorists led by no-account Russian psycho Rostov ( veteran screen villain Richard Lynch in peak nasty'n'snarly form ) have washed up on the Florida coast . These horrible scumbuckets first slaughter a boat full of helpless Cuban refugees . Next they butcher a libidinous teen couple making out on the beach . Then they blow up six suburban houses populated by folks merrily celebrating the yuletide holiday with a single rocket launcher . They even gun down nice Latino youths . Worse yet , they have the appalling gall to attack a mall at the height of the Christmas shopping season . Why , these foul scum not only attempt to blow up a church holding a mass , but also a school bus loaded with little children happily singing " Row , Row , Row Your Boat . " But have no fear , good Americans . Thankfully we got Matt Hunter ( legendary martial arts champion and hopelessly wooden thespian Chuck Norris , who co-wrote the senseless script ) to save the day . Who's Matt Hunter ? Well , apparently he's some kind of former government agent , although we never are told any specific details about his background . Does it matter ? Not in the least . Moreover , Hunter has the magical ability to materialize seemingly out of thin air in his souped-up pick-up truck whenever he's needed to stomp some evil commie butt . Nonstop wall-to-wall mondo destructo ultra-violent carnage is the order of the day here . And boy does director Joseph Zito really pour it on thick , blowing up lots of stuff real good , staging insanely go-for-broke vehicular action sequences with rip-snorting aplomb , and racking up an astonishingly hefty body count . Better still , both Joao Fernandes's slick photography and Jay Chattaway's robust , rousing score are up to snuff , Melissa Prophet gives a spectacularly terrible performance as a spunky , yet troublesome lady reporter , Eddie Jones just takes up space as a useless FBI agent , Billy Drago briefly pops up as a slimy drug dealer , the basic overwrought tone represents Reagan era Red Scare paranoia at its most ludicrously hysterical , and Norris cuts loose with a steady series of truly groan-inducing cheesy quips every time he commits a heroic feat . Now , is this film any good ? No , it most certainly ain't . In fact , it's exceptionally bad , stupid and utterly mindless . But there's no denying that it's a great deal of so - totally - dreadful - it's - oddly - delectable Grade Z schlocky fun . A real four star high camp 80's trash movie hoot and a half . |
519,202 | 8,239,592 | 640,463 | 10 | Rock me , Mr . Spock ! Rock me ! | In 1967 Leonard Nimoy was at the height of his " Star Trek " fame . He had also recorded several albums in which he croaked out a variety of songs that include everything from Credence Clearwater Revival's " Proud Mary " to Jackie DeShannon's " Put A Little Love in Your Heart " to Judy Collins ' " Clouds " in a pained gravel voice . Well , Lenny occasionally covered a novelty song or two on his albums . " The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins " is perhaps the single most sublimely silly and hence most sidesplitting tune Nimoy ever wrapped his ragged tonsils around . Best of all , Leonard actually performed this gloriously ridiculous number on a short-lived groovy 60's musical variety show . Len belts out this song with tremendously hale'n'hearty aplomb on a beach while a bunch of insanely cute swingin ' hippie hotties sporting pointy ears ala Mr . Spock merrily dance all around him . One of these gals is none other than a very young and foxy Erin Gray , who went on to portray Wilma Deering on the popular 80's sci-fi TV series " Buck Rogers in the 25th Century . " Another lady is adorable bubbly blonde pixie Patricia Wymer , who had a regrettably fleeting cinematic career as a drive-in exploitation starlet in the enjoyably trashy movies " The Babysitter , " " The Witchmaker , " and " The Young Graduates . " Did I mention that the chicks also wear these goofy buttons with dopey sayings on them ? Or how about the kooky bassoon solo that concludes the song ? Yep , what we got here is a truly choice chunk of pure blithely ludicrous 60's kitsch at its most delectably absurd and awful . Sure , this stuff is undeniably tacky , inane and hideously dated , but it's also flat-out hilarious ( the club-footed dance choreography has to be seen to be disbelieved ) and loads of fun to watch . An absolute gut-busting hoot and a half . |
519,409 | 8,239,592 | 58,631 | 10 | A simply sensational 60's rock concert winner | That's the " Teenage Awards Music International " to you and me - - and without a doubt one of the best , grooviest , most utterly enjoyable and righteously raucous , hell , even historically relevant , mid-60's rock concert films to ever romp its way onto celluloid , a dazzling and eclectic mix of rowdy rock'n'roll bands and class act rhythm and blues groups that was performed live at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium and recorded on videotape and subsequently transferred to film for posterity's sake by American International Pictures . Puckish surf-rock jokers Jan and Dean , who do " The Little Old Lady from Pasadena " and " Sidewalk Surfin ' , " are the goof-ball hosts of this non-stop musical extravaganza . Chuck Berry gets things off to a rip-roaring start , working his spindly wibble-wobble legs overtime as he tears the place up with roll-over-deadly renditions of " Johnny B . Goode , " " Sweet Little Sixteen , " and " Nadine . " British Invasion band Gerry and the Peacemakers keep everything a hopping by first joining Chuck on " Maybellene , ' then holding their own with such winners as the gentle , lulling " Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying " and the life-affirming " It's Gonna Be Alright . " Lovely feminist-rock pioneer Lesley Gore mesmerizes the audience with strong , commanding performances of the " sisters stand up to your man and don't take any guff " anthems " You Don't Own Me , " " It's My Party , " and " Judy's Turn to Cry . " Smokey Robinson and the Miracles deliver a tasty , tuneful truckload of spot-on keening tenor harmonies , highlighted by the gorgeous " You Really Got a Hold on Me " and a crazed , chest-thumping , abdomen-itching cover of the wiggy novelty dance number " Mickey's Monkey . " Marvin Gaye , looking mighty spiffy in an immaculate white tux , cuts a suave figure as he belts out " Hitchhike , " " Pride and Joy , " and " Can I Get a Witness . " Representing flavor-of-the-month generic pop slop , the hopelessly dweeby Billy J . Kramer and the Dakotas nerd it up something hysterical with several remarkably doofy songs . Diana Ross and the Supremes , sexy as all hell in clinging dresses and enormous heavily lacquered hairdos , strut their sultry stuff with a scorching medley which includes the luscious " Baby Love . " Token grunged-up garage rock outfit the Barbarians do the sinewy caveman stomper " Hey Little Bird , " with their famous one-armed drummer Moulty ( he's got a hook hand ! ) gleefully trashing his kit during a gloriously protracted solo . James Brown rides the " Night Train " straight to Funkytown and back with his bring the house down manic antics , complete with wild dancing feet , hips and pelvis a swinging rotation action , the groin pulling splits , crashing onto the floor and getting up for more - - we're talking some seriously smoking theatrics , people . The Rolling Stones , surly , scruffy , arrogant and punk as all get out , burn up the place with lots of sizzling lowdown dirty blues covers , with their blazing rendition of Irma Thomas ' " Time Is On My Side " rating as the definite stand-out . The Beach Boys , clad in white striped shirts , end things on a suitably stirring note , doing 100 % on the money honey performances of the timeless classics " Surfin ' U . S . A . , " " Surfer Girl " and " I Get Around . " Steve Binder's razor-sharp direction captures the concert's merry , upbeat , bubbly atmosphere with consummate unwavering acuity and expertise . The really into it audience never cease to shriek their approval . A sense of both wide-eyed innocence and carefree , frivolous , oftentimes even downright explosive gaiety pervades throughout . The excellent black and white cinematography makes terrific use of stately crane shots , slow , graceful dissolves and snazzy super-impositions . Phil Spector music arranger Jack Nitzsche served as music director . Terri Garr and Toni Basil are among the nice-looking go-go gals who energetically frug their way across the stage . A marvelously vibrant , joyous and jubilant time capsule of the swell 60's rock scene . |
517,907 | 8,239,592 | 319,185 | 10 | One of the sickest and hence funniest cartoon shorts ever made ! | Director John Goras earns every last ounce of my respect and admiration for making this sublimely perverse and depraved porno cartoon marvel . Jolly and adorable little yellow bird Chirpy gets seriously stoned after eating some smiling psychedelic mushrooms . Chirpy walks through the woods while tripping out of her tiny skull . Chirpy has a horrifying hallucination of a scary Satanic cow . She then encounters a huge horse and does just what you think with the enormous equine animal . Yep , what we've got here is a truly choice demented and debauched depiction of interspecies copulation that's presented all raw , raunchy and graphic . Watching Chirpy get freaky with the horse makes for often hilarious viewing . The dialogue in particular is frequently sidesplitting ( " Tastes like chicken ! " ) . Better still , we've even got a catchy'n'funky theme song and groovy 60's style acid rock music plays throughout the whole jaw-dropping 12 minutes of this gloriously gonzo gut-buster . The animation is every bit as crude and garish as it ought to be . Plus there's a poignant central message about how the power of love can overcome all boundaries . Absolutely essential viewing for fans of hardcore underground cinematic degeneracy . |
436,592 | 9,938,570 | 93,220 | 1 | Scarecrow reviews a horrible mess of a film | Obviously a film like this is destined to have a fanbase . While I absolutely found it truly awe-inspiringly dreadful , that same feeling I had as I sat through it will be a reverse for those who love absolute trash which is what this is . I never had a clue anyone could make such an inept hunk of crap and pass it off as funny . The plot , as incredibly ( and messily ) convoluted as it is , is about some Aztec glass skull which seemingly grants powers . Jesse and Charlie , two buddies living in a house that has rooms which lead to other times or alternate universes or whatever the hell these rooms lead to , decide to dig up dear old Gramps ( played by Royal Dano , covered head to toe in dead make-up ) . Gramps is the holder of the skull , but certain beings from the alternate universe rooms each desire to covet the skull . So it's up to Jesse and Charlie to keep the skull from the hands of those willing to take it . The film has a nemesis of Gramps , nicknamed Slim who was the one that killed Jesse's parents in the opening of the film . Bill Maher has a small role that fits him like a glove . . he plays the head of a record company who desires to have Kesse's woman and finds a way thanks to Rochelle , an old flame from his past . Due to bad luck , Jesse loses his girl , Kate , to Maher who finds that Rochelle , for some odd reason , is hidden in a cabinet . How a drunken Rochelle got there is a mystery ( the one Jesse actually put in there was Gramps who , coincidentally found a button which revolves the wall of the cabinet ) , but Jesse loses Kate anyways . So Maher , playing the scumbag ohh so perfectly drives off with Kate and her bags while Jesse and Charlie commence prying the skull away from a Ptierodactyl . Yep , the skull was taken by a caveman who carries it to his jungle ( in one of those rooms in the house ) . As Charlie was about to be bashed by the caveman , this giant dinosaur eats him . So they are able to get the skull just to lose it to a Ptierodactyl who drops it off on a high tree nest . And on and on the absurdity goes . There's a tribe of men who steal the skull from Gramps when he had just gotten it back thanks to Charlie and Jesse's " trading " a piece of raw meat for the skull ( the Ptierodactyl actually enters the world from his jungle as does a caterpillar dog ! when Jesse falls off the tree trying to pry the skull away from the friggin ' bird ) . Soon Charlie and Jesse ( with the aide of Ratzenberger , as an electrician / adventurer ) have to battle the ancient tribe for the skull and save a potential female sacrifice in the long run . Shall I go one ? There's eventually a showdown between Slim and Jesse for the rights to the skull and the cops come a callin ' when gun shots are heard . Slim tries to shoot Jesse ( but his head is gone when Jesse shoots it off with a shotgun ) and hits a policeman outside instead commencing in a round of fire into the house burning it down . Jesse and crew wind up in the old west and get to bury Gramps who dies after Slim shoots him . This film , as I have tried somehow to describe above , is absolutely absurd . It's a junkpile of ideas cobbled together in the hopes that something entertaining might spawn from it and never does . You have this house who abilities are never explained . How come these rooms are a gateway into other times ? Beats me . Why is there a caterpillar with a dog's head or an Aztec skull with powers to keep Gramps alive ? So many goofy questions , and such little motivation by me to care . A disaster for which I consider one of the worst films of the 1980's . |
436,414 | 9,938,570 | 120,458 | 1 | The Scarecrow reviews " Virus " | Dreadful sci-fi / horror hybrid based on a comic book about an alien force which electrifies a Russian space station which in turn links to a Russian scientific research vessel down on the ocean of earth . A tug boat helmed by nut-case captain Sutherland ( in one of the worst performances of his career , battling an Irish accent and really lacking any presence whatsoever ) , with crew-members Curtis , Baldwyn , & the " ready - to - be - slaughtered - prime - time - players " suffer a cataclysmic leak on their boat after they try to pull a barge during a typhoon . They come across the Russian ship which seems to be deserted and ram-sacked and decide to salvage it with dollar signs glistening in their eyes for a big payday . The ship's power source is cut off and they do not not know what lies in wait once they re-power it . This film has nothing new to offer as characters are merely on script to be killed , completely lifeless and stupid . The alien force seems to operate anything mechanical and little robotic spiders and giant machine monsters run amok doing victims in . Curtis is too damn good in this film and it does not deserve her talents . Baldwyn does what he can with an underwritten hero simply written in the film to save people . . he doesn't even get to crack wise . Pacula portrays the only Russian survivor who tries to warn them of what they are up against . The film seems to be about explosions and more explosions . The evil electrical alien force doesn't even get much story . . it's simply in the film to kill , nothing more & nothing less . The force , for some reason , also assembles robots together using human remains along with wires and steel . Terrible mess which just gets worse and worse as it goes along . |
436,381 | 9,938,570 | 77,904 | 1 | The Manitou | Awful ( and I mean AWFUL ) horror flick using Native American folklore and undermining it for unintentional laughs is an embarrassing statement about Tony Curtis ' career ( this is the same actor who starred in SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS & SOME LIKE IT HOT ) . He plays a supposed fortune teller named Erskine ( mostly working cash from wealthy old widows ) whose lady love Karen ( Susan Strasberg ) has a growing fetus on her back ( ! ) . Come to find out the fetus ( which is growing at an alarming rate ) is actually the spirit of a powerful medicine man , Misquamacas ! During a séance thanks in part to orchestrator , mystic Amelia ( Stella Stevens , dressed in blackened face paint with gypsy garb ) who was Erskine's teacher in the Tarot arts , the spirit of Misquamacas reveals himself which leads them to the home of Dr . Snow ( Burgess Meredith , playing this doctor very quirky and evading with a sense of senility ) who wrote a book on Native American folklore which mentions spirits invading the body of innocents so that could emerge into reality . Snow tells Erskine their only possible route to saving Susan is fighting fire with fire by calling on a living Native American medicine man . Erskine , after being rejected by other medicine men , gets deep-voiced John Singing Rock ( . . out of all the names the filmmakers could've come up with actor Michael Ansara is stuck with this one ) to lend him a hand . We are informed through Singing Rock that Manitous ( those spirits ) can manifest themselves in anybody or thing . So even X-Ray machines have manitous ( I kid you not ) . After , Singing Rock calls on the spirits of wind , trees , and just nature in general , his circle of dust surrounding Karen's bed seems destined for crossing since that thing growing in her back emerges from the skin as a Native American midget with a vile visage . Misquamacas calls on various demons to kill hospital personnel , makes the hospital operation room floor into an icy fortress , shakes Dr . Hughes ' ( Jon Cedar ) room with Erskine , Singing Rock and others resembling lottery balls ready for plucking , and turns Karen's room into a place of stars with only her bed & Misquamacas visible . In a major climactic battle , when Misquamacas calls on the main Satanic demon to assist him , Erskine's love will help the computers ' manitou spirits ( ! ) within the entire hospital send volts through Karen's fingers ( with her naked body exposed ) with mankind's possible existence hanging in the balance . Whatever . The absolutely preposterous premise and horrendously awful special effects sequence in the major battle towards the end will surely make this a cult classic . No matter how terrible any film is , it's sure to find an audience willing to accept it into their arms with love . Not me . It's terrible in every conceivable way imaginable . I can not , for the life of me , understand why Curtis and Meredith would step foot in such a things as this . Using Native American folklore can certainly work in the horror genre , but in this flick it's embarrassingly over-the-top . I mean the scene where the midget Misquamacas spirit " exits " Strasberg's back I couldn't help but laugh . . it's supposed to be horrifying , but winds up being jaw-droppingly hilarious . The scene where one of Curtis ' clients is lifted off the floor , by Misquamacas , and sent down a flight of stairs while spouting Native American gibberish has to be seen to be believed . The effects sequence in Cedar's office where the floors twist is a show-stopping highlight because it is just so eye-openingly farcical . But the ending takes the cake . . Strasberg firing bolts from over-powered computers possessed with spirits shooting at a midget Indian with scary eyes and a nasty cackle . The whole flick is played so straight , I just felt pity for all involved . How does a cast " get up " for a film like this ? I think all who participated in this should have had electro-shock therapy , because they were certifiably insane . |
436,380 | 9,938,570 | 91,847 | 1 | Revenge of the Living Dead Girls | Simply excruciating French " Zombie " film , badly dubbed ( with horrendous dialogue ) , sleazy ( plenty of full frontal nudity . . but not erotic , just boring ) , & cheap ( the zombie get up , face mask and hand gloves are easily recognized as rubber ) . It's about supposed living dead girls , who were former employees of a chemical factory with corrupt toxic waste disposal practices using an idiotic outside contractor , who seek revenge for those responsible for poisoning them with toxic milk . The zombies even rape a prostitute vaginally thrusting her with a sword ! The protagonist is a scientist with a " diseased " hand , whose wife's bulging pregnant belly opens to expose a dead child ! In the film's finished product , the villainess of this flick , the assistant to the chemical plant executive who is drowned by the zombies ( in his pool , no less , we notice that the zombie girls ' skin is proper pigment exposing the so-called rotted flesh that is so dormant on their faces and hands . . just rotten effects ) , actually is shown picking up the zombies in her car after stealing money from the place of her employ . Shortly afterward , as we never understand why she'd stop for the zombie girls and why they would not attack her , the villainess and undead die in a car fire set off by the police who wanted the violence and bloodshed to end . Now there was an alternate ending ( . . which is infinitely better than the one placed in the film ) which explains why the villainess picks up the zombie girls and why they do not attack her . This ending explains a lot of things , ESPECIALLY why the zombie girls are rotting on the face and hands , but not throughout the rest of their bodies . Still , the film as it stands is amateurish , badly edited , with messy resolution and inept characters . |
435,789 | 9,938,570 | 185,266 | 1 | Deadly Daphne's Revenge | Charlie Johnson ( who looks like Hank Williams , Jr . but sounds like an aging hippie ) rapes Cindy which places him and his buddies ( they were at the scene of the crime . . an old lodge which seems to have an escaped mental patient living in it's woods ) under the microscope with heavy scrutiny changing their once comfortable lives . When hope seems lost , Charlie goes to his mob boss ( who he markets a drug trade for through his wealthy trucking line ) for assistance by way of a hit-man . Charlie's half-brother Steve made love to Cindy that night ( he is a teacher ) , and with her being a minor ( she says she's 17 , but looks 32 ) his profession takes a turn for the worse . Cindy's lawyer informs her that she must file charges against all four men that were there for " sex with minor " so that Charlie will go to prison . This conflicts her because Steve is indeed innocent . . and she actually cares for him and vice versa . The " Deadly Daphne " of the title is indeed the loony who is living in the lodge woods and she has a history with Charlie we find out about towards the end . For a Troma production , this sure is formulaic and dull . . made-for-television-esquire tripe all the way . The acting by the rotten cast would work better if this film didn't take itself so seriously which is quite uncommon for a Troma film . Terrible , terrible film . |
435,916 | 9,938,570 | 441,796 | 1 | Stay Alive : The Video game to Die For | A group of young adults open a plain of escape for the spirit of Elizabeth Bathory when they recite her poem from a video game supposedly representing a séance . The only one who dies in the game is Miller ( Adam Goldberg ) who also is found dead the same way he perished in said video game . While the others ' characters didn't die in the video game , their reciting her poem has instead unleashed the video game into reality with walking CGI characters stalking and killing each of them , one by one . They must follow certain methods using a mirror and nails to defeat Bathory and save their skin . If this premise sound stupid , that's because it is . The characters are ho-hum rejects from bad WB television shows , this time allowed to spout profanity . This flick follows the slasher rules , but doesn't show much violence or gore . It stays PG-13 safe with most of the death taking place off-screen . There's a scene where the true hero and heroine are running from video game characters pursuing them . Yes , it's that bad . Nothing at all to recommend . Good-looking cast including Sophia Bush as the appropriately named October . |
436,702 | 9,938,570 | 89,200 | 1 | Ghoulies | Bottom-of-the-barrel film-making has Jonathan ( Peter Liapis ) , the son of a powerful Satan worshiper , possessed by his dead father's spirit after he inherits the man's estate . Everyone , from his girlfriend Rebecca ( Lisa Pelikan ) to his other seven friends . . all will fall prey to the ghoulies , a nasty group of puppet monsters . Jonathan , and his green eyes , will seemingly bring his father's life back through the conjuring of spells and supposed sacrifices , but really figuring out what the hell is going on is anyone's guess since it's obvious the ones behind the making of this so-called film seemed to have no idea . The story itself is stupid , rife with obnoxious , idiotic characters like Jonathan who act incredibly moronic . Jack Nance , oh boy , gets handed one rotten role as the man who somehow rescues Jonathan ( he and the infant's mother who takes his place ) from being sacrificed to Satan by Malcolm , the father . There are two other demonic servants for which Jonathan conjures up that do his bidding as well . The film is loaded with silly death sequences and it's blatantly obvious that the ghoulies are puppets guided around by puppeteers so the film has no scares whatsoever . This film will only apply to those who adore the worst kind of bad cinema . Horrible , horrible horror film . May be of interest to those who watch the long-running detective series LAW & ORDER : SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT since one of this film's victims is Mariska Hargitay . . heck , everyone has to start somewhere even if it's in this hunk of garbage . |
436,667 | 9,938,570 | 132,888 | 1 | Blood Freak | A buff , but gentlemanly , biker rides into the life of two sisters , one a Born-Again Christian , the other a heavy partyer who enjoys smoking pot and having a good time . Thanks to some kind support from his Christian pal , an employer at a poultry farm gives him a job . Hershell ( Steve Hawkes , who also co-wrote , co-produced and co-directed ) agrees to eat experimented turkey ( ? ! ) and suffers such an illness it causes him to fall unconscious . Before taking the job , he fell under the spell of the care-free sister , smoking some pot with her which re-awakened a habit he suffered in Vietnam after an arm injury . Coupled with the experimental meat , it seems Herschell is effected drastically . . he grows a turkey head ! Any woman in the surrounding area other than the two girls Herschell cares for are victims for his blood thirst . Often victims are hung upside down , their necks cut with blood pouring into the beaked fiend's human hands . What will Herschell do ? How can he control his craving for blood ? Simply dreadful in every conceivable fashion . I could not find one single aspect of worth throughout the entire painful experience . It's clearly visualized that those responsible for this abomination had no reason to ever make a film in the first place . Those involved should've cut their losses and forgot about ever making this inept travesty . The camera work is simply putrid as is the editing . Some narrator smoking a cigarette is reading off some pamphlet about change or behavior , which really could've wisely ( . . if any wisdom whatsoever was used during the entire process of this thing's production ) been left on the cutting room floor and is merely intrusive ( . . which , if it were any good , would be a welcome interruption from this vile pile of garbage ) bothering us with opinions that irritate instead of enlighten . The beaked , feathered bird head is a laughing stock . It is the icing on the cake and will certainly appeal to those who enjoy the worst kind of films possible . The acting is brought to us by a gathering of the directors ' friends , I guess , and they all look about as interested as I was during this whole abysmal experience . The attacks on women are about as laughable as the sawed-off leg of one drug pusher with blood gushing forth . Loud screams are repeated in cycle over and over the scenes of violence which bring chuckles instead of terror or repulsion . If anything brings repulsion it's the camera set ups which often shoot characters out of frame and off-focus . I don't ask for much . . just shoot your actors in the center of the frame for Chrissakes ! And , the actors often look off as if attempting to understand when they're supposed to talk ( . . and perhaps seeking help with their dialogue ; I'm pretty sure they could've ad-libbed and it would've been just as effective as what they had to say ) and where to look . There's a legion of beloved fans for this turkey ( . . pun intended ) and those who enjoy this junk can have it . While others find it incredibly entertaining , I found it pathetic and just plain tedious . |
436,146 | 9,938,570 | 429,573 | 1 | An American Laugh or two | Really , really lousy ghost tale supposedly based on a true story about some kind of entity terrorizing John Bell ( Donald Sutherland ) and his daughter Betsy ( Rachel Hurd-Wood ) . They believe it to be Kathryn Batts ( Gaye Brown ) who threatens them with witchcraft . Sissy Spacek plays the worried mother , Lucy . James D'Arcy plays a concerned schoolteacher of Betsy's named Richard . The editing is crippling to this film as we experience a cavalcade of flashback sequences which really grate on the nerves not to mention uninspired , cheap special effects ( there's a sequence where Betsy's hair is being pulled and you can see the wire pulling it or the constant cheap effect where the bed covering either pulls from Betsy or is pulled back over her . . anyone can see the device underneath the covers winding the sheets and blanket ) . There's a Gothic look , but that can not save a cast who wishes they were somewhere else . How the talents of Sutherland and Spacek got swindled into this horrible movie is anyone's guess . But , it's who that is doing the ghostly tormenting that'll make you laugh your ass off . Terrible beyond words is that final twist . The film stays completely straight-faced and is hilarious to see unwind . |
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