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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19C4y1C7r1_p19_BV19C4y1C7r1_p19_m4-dialogue_0818704
[S1] ... evidence of your accomplishments and your hard work. So maybe ahead of time, writing down some key points and maybe specific situations. Maybe you have dates, maybe you have names of companies where, you know, you really helped push something for, move something forward. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And you can highlight...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19C4y1C7r1_p19_BV19C4y1C7r1_p19_m4-dialogue_0818705
[S1] Yeah, I feel like that's the most important thing. If you're going for a raise, you need to have a good reason why you deserve the raise. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Right? Um, at the end of the day, a business is a business, and your employer is only going to give you more money if you're creating more money for the business...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19C4y1C7r1_p19_BV19C4y1C7r1_p19_m4-dialogue_0818706
[S1] Right? [S2] Right. [S1] You, you wanna be very strategic about it. You want a good reason, you want a good evidence why you deserve the higher pay.
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[S1] Yeah, I, I like the, um, the emphasis on the growth part of it, right? Part of what you're demonstra- When you're asking for a raise, you're saying my value for- has increased since you first hired me, right? You hired me at this pay. Uh, I've grown since then. I've developed as an employee. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And ...
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[S1] I deserve a higher pay, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] My output is higher now. [S2] For sure. [S1] I've learned, I've grown. And so by really emphasizing that growth, uh, you remind them, uh, how your, your value has increased, your value add has increased. Um, the other thing that, that I think is great to do- [S2] Yeah...
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[S1] ... there, right? How much you love doing what you're doing. [S2] Good point. Yeah. [S1] If they're going to make an investment in you, they want to know you're going to stick around. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Right?
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[S1] People are tempted often to say, "If you don't pay me more, I'm going to go somewhere else." That's one way to get a raise, but what you're going to do is actually scare them, and they're going to view you as a risk for leaving the company. [S2] Right. [S1] So you might get the raise. You might also get fired shor...
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[S1] ... accordingly, fairly, for the value that you're producing. [S2] That's right, yeah. And speaking to moments where you really took the reins and you took initiative. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] Right? Companies really like to see that because it shows that, you know, yes, you had tasks to do, but you also saw gaps that yo...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19C4y1C7r1_p19_BV19C4y1C7r1_p19_m4-dialogue_0818712
[S1] And on another point about timing, right? We have to think about when is it appropriate to ask for a raise? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Has it been a year since your last raise? Has it been a few months? Right? Thinking about, like, when would it be appropriate? [S2] Yeah. Timing is, you can't, you know, ask for a raise eve...
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[S1] ... generating sufficient value. [S2] True. [S1] But the, uh, yeah, the timing is very important. And you have to look at it as how, how, how recently have we had a discussion like this? And then also, has anything changed materially since we last spoke, right? That goes back to what we were saying before, is ther...
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[S1] ... um, you, you want to time it, uh, such that they're in a good mood so that they're more accommodating to a request that, you know, might come out of the blue for them or- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... um, that you just, it, the point is you want them to be in a better mood. You want them to be receptive to, to what you'...
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[S1] So keep all of this in mind if, you know, planning to ask for a raise is something that's on your radar and something that you plan to do, um, with your employer or even at the very beginning of your, um, you know, being hired, um, your employment because you also have a track record from previous jobs that you ca...
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[S1] Something to keep in mind and best of luck with that. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Hopefully it's helpful and, uh, hopefully you're able to put it to use. [S1] That's right. [S2] Thanks for joining us. [S1] We'll see you here for another advanced English lesson. Bye for now.
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[S1] Um, listening practice and learning the right intonation and even pronunciation of words and sent- and phrases, that kind of thing. [S2] Yeah, and it's, it's more immersive when it's your friend, right? It's one thing to interact with strangers or to watch a TV show. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Those can be great ways to, to ...
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[S1] Yeah, when we were both abroad learning different languages, we made friends with people who were from that place and who were native speakers in that language, in addition to expats, and it was really great to have both types of friends. [S2] Yeah. [S1] So, the first tip is to join an acting troupe or an improv g...
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[S1] ... on the spot acting, which is- [S2] Spontaneous. [S1] Yeah. Improvisation. [S2] Yeah. Unplanned acting. [LAUGHS] [S1] Right. So there's no script, there's no outline. You basically just say yes to everything. So if Greg and I are doing improv, then Greg says, or I'll start. [S2] Okay. [S1] So, oh, isn't this a ...
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[S1] Oh, no. We better run in the other direction. [S2] Yeah, let's go quickly. Oh, shoot, I left my sandals. [S1] Oh, no. Just leave them. Let's run. [S2] Okay. [LAUGHS] [S1] So you get the idea. You say yes to everything, and that's the idea. You build on each other. It's really fun because it's all about teamwork an...
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[S1] ... opinion. [S2] What I like about it is, um, everyone's a little more open and receptive in these environments, right? [S1] Yeah. [S2] When you're acting, in particular, improv. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Um, people are gonna be a little goofy, right? No one's a professional. Um, they're trying something new, they're a lit...
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[S1] Um, and people are having fun. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Um, so it's, it's just a great way to, to make a connection with someone, um, in, in a way that might otherwise feel, um, you know, challenging.
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[S1] Anything like that. Why not give it a go? It could be really fun and you might meet your future next best friend. [S2] Yeah, th- th- and there's one other reason I- I love this suggestion. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Is because acting and improv, they bring up context. They bring up scenarios that you might ne- never think of...
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[S1] That's really a good point. You learn so much from these kinds of experiences. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Um, when I was both in Turkey and in France, I joined acting groups and it was so much fun. And some of my best friends still today are from those times in my life. And it did wonders for my languages, for French and Tur...
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[S1] All right. Are you ready for the next one? [S2] I'm ready. [S1] So for those of you who want to be, you know, active and outgoing and want to do more of a team sport, then you can look into signing up for a, a team sport, um, you know, with,
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[S1] Yeah, I, I think sports are another fantastic, uh, environment for- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... for building bonds with each other, right? Because it requires teamwork. You have to work together. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Um, and it can also get intense. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Right? With sports, there's some competition involved, um, and...
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[S1] ... coffee or something. [S2] Yeah. Exactly. Because maybe while you're playing the sport, there's not much conversation, so you're like, "Well, this isn't really helping me learn the, the, the language." [S1] Yeah.
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[S1] ... talking to people because they feel shy or they don't know how to make small talk. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Right? So you might be the better communicator, so take advantage of that and don't be afraid to, you know, make the first step. Take the first step with that. [S2] Absolutely. [S1] All right. And the last one is...
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[S1] And a big smile. [S2] Yeah. That always helps. [S1] Yeah. [S2] All right. Thank you so much for joining us for this awesome Advanced English conversation. We'll see you next time. Make sure that you're subscribed with the notification bell turned on. Bye for now.
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[S1] The first one is quantity. So when we're thinking about good conversation, quantity comes to mind. So what do you think of quantity, Greg? [S2] I think of quantity, I think of volume, right? The amount of, of that's what's being spoken, right? [S1] Yeah. [S2] How much, how many words are being used or how, how, ba...
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[S1] Right. The point is, in that context, you're trying to emphasize how cold it is. So the number of layers of clothing you wear reinforces that it's cold. [S2] Yeah. [S1] But the color of the clothing has nothing to do with it being cold. So there's no point in discussing the color when all you're trying to do is pr...
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[S1] by actively listening to them in conversation, understanding, you know, their life, what's happening right now in this moment. Are they studying for a really difficult exam that takes a whole year to prepare? You know, um, what is, what's going on with them? [S2] Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I think of the first one, um, qua...
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[S1] Um, and then quality is sort of the why, right? Like, why, why do they care? [S2] Yeah. [S1] Uh, you know, getting at the essence of what it is you're saying. [S2] Yeah, it's a really good point. And so to practice this, really think about how your words affect the person who's listening to, to what you're saying ...
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[S1] Right. Yeah. Uh, yeah, it sounds, it sounds similar in that, um, if, if the information isn't relevant to, uh, what I'm trying to accomplish, what I'm trying to do with my life, I'm not gonna really process it. I'm not going to listen as closely. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Yeah, so that makes sense. [S2] So it's easy to conf...
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[S1] Yeah, putting yourself in their shoes, which is always good advice in any conversation or social context. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Trying to see something from someone else's perspective helps you frame what you're trying to say in a way that will be most easily understood by them.
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[S1] One thing that you can do is to get into a conversation with someone who has a very different perspective on something than you, right? So we talked about for and against. Maybe go out of your way to find a friend or a colleague that is against something that you are for. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Or is for something that...
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[S1] Yeah. And it's, it's a good one to have as well because, you know, uh, it's nice to have m- multiple perspectives on something and it makes life more interesting. [S2] And more open mindedness. [S1] Yeah.
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[S1] ... and inclusive, so that's always good. All right, and our last one is manner. So this one is about the way that you're communicating something. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Right? So you can think of it from the way that you are speaking, right? How loud you are, how clear you are, how fast or slowly you're speaking. And ...
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[S1] What, how are you delivering your words? Are you doing it in a way that's aggressive? [S2] Yeah. [S1] Or that's friendly and inclusive, right? What, how does the person feel? How are you making your audience feel while you're speaking?
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[S1] and, you know, the mood, uh, so many things. So, thinking about, like, what the purpose is and how can you best deliver or convey that information. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Yeah. So, it's something to practice, and these are the four principles to better conversation, keeping in mind... Well, let's run through a recap. So,...
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[S1] Would it be quality? [S2] Yep. [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] Then the third one is relation or relevance. The fourth one is manner. Okay? So keeping in mind these four principles, and the next time that you have a conversation with somebody, try to practice these four things. And each time you have a conversation, they will ...
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[S1] It'll change and be prepared for that, which is okay. [S2] You don't have to nail all of them and you don't want to be robotic in your interactions. [S1] Yeah. [S2] But by keeping these in mind, and it may be just trying one at a time, uh, you can start to internalize them and they become second nature for you so ...
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[S1] All right. [S2] That's great. Um, maybe quickly before we even jump in, what are soft skills? [S1] That's a really good question. So you can think of it as a contrast to hard skills. So the hard skills are science, math, technology, coding,
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[S1] Yeah, they seem to be more abstract, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] Uh, not as easy to just directly teach, um, and they're not black and white, right? With, with science, uh, you often have proven facts. This is just the way something is. With a soft skill, there's often a lot of gray area and room for interpretation. It...
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[S1] Yes, and always context dependent too. [S2] Great. [S1] All right. So the first one, the first soft skill is empathy. So you can think of empathy as the ability to feel what another person is feeling, right? Being able to understand their point of view or their perspective or their, you know, their feelings.
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[S1] Yeah. Yeah, I think those, those are effective. Uh, questions in general. Asking questions is a very good way to better understand how someone else is feeling, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] Instead of judging, instead of, um, weighing in with your opinion, get the information from them. And the more that you can get them...
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[S1] Yeah. So that's a great way for how to practice that skill, having these deep conversations, these meaningful conversations about feelings, about what people are going through, about what you might be feeling, and not putting any judgment on it. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So people who have empathy are, are really not judg...
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[S1] ... you know, holding that back. And they're not trying to put their opinions in there. They're not trying to tell them, "Well, you should have done this," or give them advice or anything like that. So they're just there to listen really attentively and to understand them. [S2] Yeah. Understand is the word for me ...
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[S1] Yeah. You know, human connection is tightly integrated with empathy as well, right? Um- [S2] Yeah. [S1] And you don't, it doesn't also, it doesn't have to be interaction that generates this sense of human connection. Sometimes I'll read like a blog or a book, um, and I'll feel, um, a connection with the author, ri...
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[S1] Uh, in a way that I really relate to. [S2] Yeah. [S1] That, that I feel, I feel their anger or their, their, um, enthusiasm, whatever they're expressing, I feel it too. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Um, and so, uh, I think another way to sort of get, uh, that, at that human connection is to, uh, bring up things that are relatab...
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[S1] Yeah, I think another one is storytelling, right? Using stories, anecdotes, examples, helping people, uh, see through narrative. [S2] Mm, good. [S1] Um, can be a very good way to generate this sense of connection with each other because if you can stella, tell a story that sounds similar to someone else's experien...
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[S1] how well they know them by drawing on, you know, the non-verbal cues, reading the room, and also using stories and figuring out what will resonate with them- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... given, you know, what they know about them in that short while or over a course, you know, the course of a lifetime.
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[S1] All right. The next one we have is active listening. So this one's really important as well. And listening is something that we need if we want to be a good communicator. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Right? So how do we get this skill? Well, by listening attentively to someone and not thinking about what you're going to have f...
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[S1] ... be something where you're both talking and listening, but active listening is definitely an important one. [S2] Yep. [S1] All right, let's go to the next one, which is non-verbal communication. So in communication, 55% of what we understand from communication or from an exchange is based on non-verbal communic...
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[S1] Which is crazy if you think about it. We think of communication as all about what we're saying, but there's so much more about, uh, communication, right? It's not just what we say, it's how we do it. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And, and what are we doing while we say it.
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[S1] You know, once you familiarize yourself with them, you want to use them. [S2] Yep. [S1] Right? And so, lastly on this one, how do people act when they have good non-verbal communication? Well, they're in charge of their gestures, and they'll match the gesture to the appropriate words, right? So they're not gonna s...
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[S1] High five, Greg. [S2] Woo! [S1] Yeah. All right. And the last one, flexibility and adaptability. All right. That's pretty big because they are so opposite to what robots and AI can do, right? AI, a robot, just think of it that way, is programmed to do something, right? We put in the program and that's what they're...
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[S1] Yeah. Yeah, and I think for this, um, what's very effective is putting yourself into situations that you know you're going to be uncomfortable with, right? Things that are going to be challenging for you that are going to force you to adapt, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] To, to get used to a new, unfamiliar situation. So...
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[S1] is something that really helps, you know, helps as many people in this situation as possible. It doesn't just benefit them, it benefits a, a whole group of people. [S2] Yep. [S1] Yeah. So hopefully that provides some more information on these five skills and how you can practice them, how you can get them, and wha...
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[S1] Yeah. Being assertive, um, can be tough to do, but it's a, an important step to take in your language learning journey, right? Being able to be assertive in, uh, a second language or a third language, um, feels very good. [S2] It does. [S1] Right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] It, it feels like you've reached that next level of...
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[S1] Yeah. [S2] And, uh, you know, it's almost, yeah, it's punchy. [S1] Right. And it's basically finding the tone where you feel authoritative, where you feel like you know what you're talking about, and you feel like you have a good grasp or take on something. And it's what we call in communication the power pitch. A...
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[S1] Yeah, it's so interesting because in my second language and third language, um, it is, uh, it's easy to lose track of your tone, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] Because you're so focused on the vocabulary and the grammar that you sort of forget about the way that you sound. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Um, and that, that's, um, at the ...
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[S1] Yeah, it's, it's almost like magic because often you think that people are very focused on, on what it is you're saying, but more often they're focused on how you're saying it. And if you, even in, um, somewhat broken English- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... still convey it with
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[S1] ... confidence and assertiveness, um, and it, it, you convey enough that they understand what it is you're saying, right? The, sort of the meat of what you're saying, that the, the, the, your body language can carry you through and still maintain that persuasive, persuasiveness, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] You don't ha...
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[S1] ... or that you might misuse. You know, those are the kinds of things that can actually make you seem less assertive, um, and less credible. Whereas if you can say whatever it is you're trying to say in relatively simple English- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... but you say it with force and, and strong body language, that can...
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[S1] In English, right, and this is specific to, uh, the context of English language, you wanna make sure that if you're asserting yourself, you're not asking a question. You're not raising your tone and raising the intonation at the end of the sentence if it's not a question. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So, compare these two si...
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[S1] Whereas the first one was very clear. There's no question about it. [S2] No. [S1] You want those files on your desk by end of day.
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[S1] Yeah. So it's really interesting, right? When we have a question, we will naturally raise our intonation at the end. How are you today? How are you today? Right? Okay. Um, do we have a meeting now? Do we have a meeting now? Right? It's just naturally- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... you don't have to exaggerate. I'm exagger...
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[S1] Yeah. [S2] Right? [S1] Yeah, I think that's really important. Um, and what I love about data in particular, right? Using numbers, figures, statistics, percentages, um, when you use that, that kind of, um, subject matter, it transcends language. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Right? Uh, everyone, every language has numbers in it....
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[S1] Yeah, and, and I really like you've emphasized this a few times, the importance of recording yourself. Um, uh, in voice, recording your voice is useful. If you can record on video- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... it's even more powerful because then you get that body language component as well. Um, and you'll be surprised tha...
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[S1] Yeah. Um, I mean, this happens to me all the time. Even, even in the places that I feel like I know well. Um, I can pop out of a subway, um, or come out of a building and be completely disoriented, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] And have no idea where, uh, which way is up and which way is down. Um, and, or it's just, you ...
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[S1] Right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] The other thing, um, is to keep in mind, you know, context really matters. So if you notice somebody is on the street and they look really busy, like they look like they're in a rush, uh, that might be, you know, not be the person to ask directions. Because if you notice that they're, you kn...
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[S1] adopting a warm, welcoming face, right? Smiling, um, coming in slowly, um, and just sort of trying to catch their eye. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Is a good way to, uh, to start that process. [S2] Exactly. [S1] And look, if they go by, that's okay. There's going to be another person. Try, try again. Don't be discouraged by th...
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[S1] So Greg, what would his response be if I'm, yeah. [S2] Right. I'd be, I'd be surprised. I'd be taken aback. Uh, I'd feel maybe intimidated. [S1] Right. Or threatened, right? You don't know this person. They don't know you. They might think you're trying to like pick pocket them or you just don't know. Especially i...
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[S1] Right? In New York City, for example. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Um, so really thinking about a landmark or some building or place that is really well known that anybody would know if they actually live in that city. [S2] Yeah, I think that approach is very effective because oftentimes the place you're looking for, uh,
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[S1] ... the, you know, the person you're asking won't know about it. We've, we've had this problem many times where we're trying to find some hidden gem, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] Some special little place that, that's, um, not in all the major, uh, guidebooks, and maybe a lot of locals don't know, know where it is eithe...
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[S1] ... and guarantee a much higher, um, response rate. Um, and you have to be careful because sometimes people will feel embarrassed- [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] ... that they don't know where it is. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And they'll just guess, um, and say direction. Um, and they might point you in the wrong direction. Um- [S2] It...
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[S1] And like Greg said, you know, if that were to happen and you don't feel maybe confident in that response, you just have a gut feeling that it's not in the right direction, ask somebody else, right? It doesn't hurt to ask another person. Wait 'till the other person leaves. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] And then you can ask an...
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[S1] Yeah, read their body language, right? If they look very confident, "Oh, it's right over there," you know, then, then, uh, it might seem, um, you can, you can bet that they know what they're talking about, but if they're like, "Hmm, I think it might be to the left or maybe it's to the right," you know, if you see ...
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[S1] ... somebody else. [S2] Yeah, even, even if they seem confident, it always helps to ask one more person. That way you get two pieces of confirmation, right? And, and it's just, it saves you time from, it's like a, there's a phrase called, "Measure twice, cut once." [S1] Yeah. [S2] Right? If you, if you make sure y...
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[S1] Uh, it's a carpenter, uh, a carpenter phrase. [S2] Yeah. [S1] But, um, that's, that's the kind of the idea here. The, if you can get two independent people to say the same thing, then you know with a high degree of certainty that they're correct.
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[S1] very busy, uh, subways. [S2] Subways, yeah. [S1] Lines in the, in, in New York City. Um, and so people would probably know that. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Right? So really just kind of doing the homework ahead of time, right? When you find a place that you wanna go to, and then confirming it with people along the way when y...
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[S1] Yeah, I think the biggest, the, the most important thing, these are all great tips that, that, uh, you can incorporate into this process. The most important thing is just working up the courage to ask. Um, because it, you know, if you don't ask, you won't ever know. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Um, and so working up that coura...
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[S1] Get to the level where we can now speak different languages. So it is possible, and a lot of the time it's just that nagging voice inside your head giving you that feeling of doubt. And we're here to tell you, just ignore that voice, and we're going to talk about how to overcome that fear. [S2] Awesome. [S1] All r...
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[S1] All right. So the first thing that really helps change your mindset around this is to believe that you have something of value to offer. [S2] Yeah, that makes sense. [S1] Yeah.
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[S1] ... with what you're saying, right? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Um, but it, it re-orients your frame of mind from, "I have to do this, uh, perfectly," to, "I have to get my message across." It's, it takes the pressure off of you individually and, and instead puts the focus on the, the meaning that you're trying to convey, w...
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[S1] Yeah, it also makes the person who you're speaking with more comfortable and, um, they appreciate you listening so closely, right? When you show them that you care about what they're saying, they're gonna, uh, that's gonna improve the way they think about you as well. And it's proven that when people think better ...
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[S1] Yeah, it's really important because, uh, sometimes you think you're making sense, but the person who's listening to you doesn't think you're making sense, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] Um, and you can only tell if they understand you by reading their facial expressions and their body language. And if it doesn't look like...
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[S1] 100%. [S2] Yeah, very important to, to closely track what your listener, uh, how your listener is responding visually to what it is you're saying. [S1] Yeah. And a lot of the time, non-verbal cues give a lot away, so we can really rely heavily on them to make sure that they're on the same page as we are, right?
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[S1] ... Word that you're searching for, but that's okay because the point is to be communicative and to communicate a message. So don't be afraid to do that. [S2] Yeah, I think that's a great suggestion. [S1] Yeah. So hopefully these points help you realize that
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[S1] Hi everyone. Welcome back to Advanced English. Greg and MD here. Nice to see you all. [S2] Hello, hello. [S1] So today's topic is all about politely declining an invitation. [S2] Hmm. [S1] In other words, how do you say no when you either can't make that event,
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[S1] Yeah, that's a very, very helpful tool to have in your toolkit. Um, because, you know, particularly as we get better, uh, at the language that we're learning, um, the more opportunities we have to do things. [S2] It's true. [S1] Right? And so we get more and more invitations to do things. Um, and being able to pol...
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[S1] protects your time, uh, while also, uh, ensuring that you keep the relationships that you have healthy. [S2] Exactly. That's a really good point, right? We wanna make sure that we keep the friends we have and not alienate them by always saying no. [S1] Right. [S2] Right. All right. So are we ready to jump into thi...
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[S1] Yeah, and, and to be clear, uh, this is something that happens a lot, or that we hear people say a lot, right? I'm sorry, uh, I can't make that. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Uh, I'm sorry, uh, that won't work for me, right? The, the I'm sorry part is what we're talking about. It's that ap- apology that isn't actually necessary...
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[S1] and I really want to at some point, but I don't have the time, I already have plans, then I would say, "I would love to, but I can't do this Friday. Would next week work?" Right? Giving them an alternative, for example. [S2] Yeah. I would love to, but it's, yeah, it's a very powerful phrase, um, because it shows y...
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[S1] Exactly, that this wouldn't be a possibility for another time. [S2] Yep. [S1] So, that's a good one. Um, don't feel pressure to give an elaborate explanation. Sometimes when people ask us, uh, something, or, like, to go out somewhere, and we can't do it, or we don't want to do it, we feel badly, and then we try to...
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[S1] ... elaborate explanation as to why we can't do it. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Right? Oh, you know, I really, I have a lot of laundry, I have to feed my dogs, and then I have a lot of homework to do, or I have a lot of business proposals to, uh, write. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] I don't know why you would write so many at one time, ...
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[S1] Right? Forcing you to change your mind or your plans, trying to be convincing, right? To talk you into something or talk you out of something. [S2] Yep. [S1] Right? So, the other thing you can do is provide an alternative. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So that, you know, let's say you are busy the next two weekends. You can s...
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[S1] at a different time, it really shows that you're genuine about wanting to spend time with them, wanting to do whatever it is they invited. [S2] Exactly. [S1] Um, and maybe what they asked was not something you wanted to do, but you do want to spend time with them, right? This is an opportunity to present an altern...
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[S1] You would do something with them if the time were different or the activity were different. So by proposing it, you put something forward that you're comfortable doing, um, that you're excited about doing with them. So they're happy, you're happy. I, I, I love that as a strategy. [S2] So it's a win-win. [S1] Yeah,...
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[S1] ... then you can say, "I'm, I don't know how to ski. Um, at some point I'm thinking about learning, but thank you for the invitation." And then you can propose a counter invitation for another time. [S2] Yeah. [S1] There's nothing wrong with being upfront about.
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[S1] Um, you know, a reason why you might not wanna do something. It kind of, it puts some closure on the conversation. Um, it shows you're not trying to make up something. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Um, and, uh, and it, you know, it just, it just, I, I think creates a much cleaner and crisper conversation.
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