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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270664 | [S1] Yeah. On the inside, it's intense. There's an intensity, there's a sensation that you're always kind of uneased and about to erupt, and that everything in is urgent. Like everything is an emergency. [S2] Hmm. [S1] Because that's how we're viewing it from the inside. And from the outside, it feels like they're bull... | 29.52 | 3.364212 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270664.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270665 | [S1] Hmm. This topic, addicted to drama, is so critical, is because without understanding where you or other people that you care about are addicted to this cycle of drama in their life, you will never experience peace and happiness. [S2] Yeah. It doesn't allow you to because peace, stillness, ease, is unsafe. [S1] Wha... | 24.44 | 3.390745 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270665.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270666 | [S1] For those of us who have some propensity or have some addiction to drama, which is quite a few of us, getting to that point of stillness, ease, actually feels terrifying. It feels like death or we notice it in the reflex of our mind. [S2] Okay. [S1] So if you've ever gone to a meditation class or been in a bath or... | 23.92 | 3.396166 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270666.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270667 | [S1] The environment is right to find more ease and stillness. [S2] Right. [S1] And yet, there's this moment where you drop down and then something happens, like an alarm goes off. We call that a revving reflex. [S2] Reve- [S1] And you start thinking about the next day at work. [S2] Yes. [S1] You start thinking about t... | 27.88 | 3.456448 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270667.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270668 | [S1] Why, when we're sad, do we go play even sadder music? Why are we rushing down the street when we have nowhere to go? [S2] Why? [S1] Well, part of it's this addiction to drama, this constant sense of dis-ease and urgency that is within us. And that revving reflex helps us stay out of contact with the vulnerability ... | 26.8 | 3.488318 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270668.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270669 | [S1] Because, you know, Dr. Scott, I, when I think about being addicted to drama- [S2] Yeah. [S1] I hear that phrase- [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I think about external things, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] When I heard addicted to drama- [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I, I, I hear that phrase, I think about someone- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... who o... | 28.4 | 3.466506 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270669.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270670 | [S1] Yeah. [S2] Or narcissistic. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Or controlling. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Or whatever. That's not actually what you're talking about. That's one aspect of it. Here's what I'm getting. [S1] Yeah. [S2] That an addiction to drama is a way to identify and label | 18.16 | 3.474503 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270670.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270671 | [S1] childhood trauma. [S2] Yep. [S1] The effect of growing up in a chaotic household. [S2] Yep. [S1] The effect of having sustained emotional abuse or sexual or physical abuse. [S2] Yep. [S1] Or simply having this experience in your body where you feel on edge all the time. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I've heard a lot of peop... | 29.16 | 3.466413 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270671.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270672 | [S1] When is the other shoe gonna drop? [S2] Yeah. [S1] When is Dad gonna come home drunk? [S2] Yeah. [S1] When is, you know, there gonna be another shooting on my block? When is, uh, when are we gonna run out of money? When? And that you're, you called it, what did you call it, a revving? [S2] A revving reflex. [S1] A... | 27.48 | 3.425963 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270672.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270673 | [S1] Whether you are the annoying person in your friend group, in your family, where it's all about you all the time, you can't help it, you're even sick of your own stuff. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Or you're the person who is sitting quietly in the corner. [S2] Yeah. [S1] With no external evidence that there is drama. [S2] Yeah... | 28.36 | 3.499794 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270673.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270674 | [S1] all the time, that the drama is actually internal. [S2] Yeah, that internal revving. [S1] Got it. Oh, wow. [S2] So that's the spectrum right there. [S1] What, what, what made you want to call this drama? [S2] [LAUGHS] Well, I mean for- [S1] 'Cause that feels a little bit more, um, accessible. | 21.24 | 3.382017 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270674.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270675 | [S1] Like it's, it, it, like in some way, if I were to call that revving or that on edge sensation in my body. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And having been somebody that really struggled with anxiety. [S2] Yeah. [S1] For 45 years until I really understood that it was in my body, not in my head. [S2] Yeah. | 18.36 | 3.387347 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270675.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270676 | [S1] calling it drama feels way nicer and actually more accessible than calling it something like childhood sexual trauma stored in my nervous system. Like I like the, I, I kinda like the idea, okay, it's just drama in my nervous system. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Like why did you start to study this? Why the word drama? | 19.16 | 3.184096 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270676.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270677 | [S1] Yeah. I mean, drama is reclaiming. So we have these- [S2] What does that mean? [S1] ... like derogatory terms, like drama queen. [S2] Oh. [S1] And when most people go, they're such a drama queen or drama addict, it's usually in a very derogatory context. [S2] That's true. [S1] And I wanted to reclaim it. And I wan... | 28.52 | 3.446427 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270677.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270678 | [S1] Right. Or is this also the kind of person that they just can't get out of their own way? [S2] Yes. [S1] They get sober, then they relapse. They, uh- [S2] They keep dating the person that hurts them. [S1] Yes. [S2] Why? And it's, it's like, yeah, we can look at attachment patterns, but it all leads back to the same... | 27.44 | 3.439401 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270678.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270679 | [S1] is anything that what? [S2] That re, gives you a stress response, basically. That raises those cortisol levels, that makes you revved up. And part of it is, when I talk about the exaggeration and the intensification of something, it, like most people think of drama addicts as performative. [S1] Right, exactly. [S2... | 26.32 | 3.351508 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270679.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270680 | [S1] Yeah. [S2] Like, what does it look like for somebody who is not, quote, the drama queen or doesn't, quote, suck the air out of the room- [S1] Yeah. [S2] ... but is suffering from an addiction to drama on the inside? [S1] Yeah. Well, it all has the same physiological response. [S2] Okay. [S1] It all gives you that ... | 20.68 | 3.439966 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270680.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270681 | [S1] Used to. [S2] Used to. [S1] Before bladder surgery. [S2] Okay. [S1] Yeah, and three children. [S2] [LAUGHS] Or jumping into a cold pool. [S1] Yeah. [S2] I mean, those type of stress responses give us a flood of pain relief, hor- pain relief hormones, right? [S1] You're right, but I don't think about it that way be... | 22.88 | 3.283147 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270681.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270682 | [S1] Drama's not about making sense, it's about making sensation. And that sensation gives you a sense of feeling alive when most of your internal experience is feeling numb. [S2] Mm. [S1] So it gives you enough, the decibel of volume of sensation is high enough to rise above the threshold of numbness, to go, "I feel s... | 25.72 | 3.386764 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270682.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270683 | [S1] ... then we start to feel like we don't exist, we don't belong. [S2] Mm. [S1] And, and so we start to crave sensation. We start to reach for it, we start to manifest it. We start to find ourselves in scenarios, or even create scenarios in our head that give us some type of experience, give a sensation to go, "Oh, ... | 24.16 | 3.40493 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270683.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270684 | [S1] ... or that we don't even know is there, but is plaguing us. [S2] Huh. This is so in- How did you, like, get into this? Why did you decide to research this? [S1] Yeah. [S2] How did you discover that you had an addiction to drama? | 15.68 | 3.24603 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270684.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270685 | [S1] When I would watch the news and I would go call a friend and be like, "Did you see that?" [S2] Right. [S1] And I'd feel alive. I'd feel part of something. I'd feel like we were an in-group and we had something to share and I felt belonging. And then the moment I hung up, I felt alone again. And I was like, "Oh." S... | 26.08 | 3.449357 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270685.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270686 | [S1] is by complaining or gossiping about other people or complaining about their life or griping about what's wrong. [S2] Yeah, we drama bond. [S1] Drama bond. [S2] We throw logs on each other's fire and we feel like we're part of something. | 13.44 | 3.450806 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270686.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270687 | [S1] And I bring you into my tornado of chaos, and all of a sudden I feel a sense of connection because my internal world is matching the external world and you're in it. And that just isn't a sustainable form of relationship. And yet- [S2] Is it true that you even fake your own suicide? [S1] Yeah. [S2] So tell me that... | 21.44 | 3.460674 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270687.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270688 | [S1] And I didn't want to end my life, but I wanted people to feel the pain I was feeling. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So that they could somehow empathize finally with me. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And, and save me. I wanted to be saved. And so I set the scene. I wrote the note, I put the pills on the ground, I pre- created the perform... | 27.28 | 3.337281 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270688.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270689 | [S1] Even though there were people in my life who could relate to me, letting my guard down was too painful, was too scary. And so I couldn't actually recognize that there were people who could empathize with me. The only way I could understand empathy was if they were in the same pain I was in. [S2] Hmm. [S1] Or somet... | 22.64 | 3.387646 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270689.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270690 | [S1] It's like an eye for an eye. [S2] Right. [S1] And so many of us do that. We see these fights with partners, like, if you don't, like, you don't truly understand my pain. And so we, we bully them into being in the same sense of pain we are in. And so I did that as a, you know, as a young adult. [S2] How old are you... | 23.92 | 3.379977 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270690.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270691 | [S1] So I have to dig up all that stuff I don't want to deal with. What if I find out I don't like my life? [S2] Yeah. [S1] What if I find out I don't like your father? What if I find out I don't like you? [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Like, I don't, I don't want to, like, let that in. And so there's a huge part of this that I ca... | 25.6 | 3.340848 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270691.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270692 | [S1] all the things that I did not want to have to face. And realizing when I finally slowed down these past couple years- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... that I was actively blocking | 13.56 | 3.444304 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270692.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270693 | [S1] the love that people were trying to pour into me. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Because I hadn't yet faced the stuff- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... that needed healing. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And so your first attempt was when you were 16. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And then did they, like, what, how did your parents respond? What did they try to do to ... | 28.88 | 3.300257 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270693.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270694 | [S1] Okay. [S2] It was a place of safety. [S1] Okay. [S2] And so they would let me out because I was doing so well, and I'd have to go back to that school where I was being bullied and, you know, harmed by faculty. I mean- [S1] And were you out at this point in your life? [S2] No. No. [S1] Okay. [S2] So it wasn't even ... | 28.52 | 3.43646 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270694.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270695 | [S1] Sometimes I'd be pushed into lockers because, and called fag or other names, but really it was like that dumb kid. [S2] Oh, and then they start to, that was the era where they would like take us out of class and put you in the special track. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] And so you just knew. [S1] Yeah. [S2] And so this conti... | 22.48 | 3.450298 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270695.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270696 | [S1] The things that are too painful to be in contact with. And so one of the aspects of addiction to drama is to keep running away from that point of contact, which is ourselves. You know, when we have early traumas, we disconnect from ourselves. We get a divorce from ourselves. We call that dissociation. [S2] Right. ... | 19.6 | 3.470963 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270696.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270697 | [S1] Okay. [S2] And when we start filling that void up with anything, we become dependent on it, whether it's alcohol, whether it's drugs, whether it's sex, whether it's stress. And when we fill that void, what it's also doing is it's helping us stay away from what's underneath that void. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] Underneath t... | 24.08 | 3.412836 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270697.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270698 | [S1] How do you identify that it's drama that you're addicted to? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Keeping in mind that this might be the first time that the person listening- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... is considering, "Wow, I'm always waiting for the next shoe to drop." [S2] Yep. [S1] I'm always stirring something up. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I do ... | 27.2 | 3.466451 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270698.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270699 | [S1] Yes. So wait, you're saying that we pick fights to feel closer with somebody? [S2] It's the places where we feel safer. [S1] Why do we feel safer when we're fighting? [S2] Well, one of the symptoms of an addiction drama is there's always a sense of dis-ease. | 15 | 3.116523 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270699.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270700 | [S1] There's a sense of constant urgency. And from the outside, it looks like someone with an addiction drama is like bulldozing. But on the inside, they feel out of sync. That their own sense of timing feels disproportionate to the timing of other people. And their energy, their attention, their emotion are disproport... | 23.72 | 3.388616 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270700.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270701 | [S1] The best example I can give is I was, uh, renting a Airbnb lately, recently, and you know those, uh, carbon monoxide detectors? When the battery's dead, it goes beep. [S2] Yes. [S1] Beep, and it doesn't stop. [S2] Yes, it's so annoying. [S1] So annoying. And they, so somebody hid the carbon monoxide detector in, a... | 22.8 | 3.37588 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270701.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270702 | [S1] But trauma is also about how we get ready for the next possible trauma. [S2] Explain more about that. [S1] So all of our senses, the way we smell, the way we, uh, hear, start to attune, like a TV channel, to the next possible danger. [S2] Gotcha. [S1] So we're looking for it. That is the filter of our life. [S2] L... | 24.48 | 3.469849 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270702.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270703 | [S1] They feel it in their whole nervous system. There's a sense of dis-ease. There's a, dis-ease is also because they feel disconnected to themselves. [S2] Mm. [S1] There's so much suppression, repression because they had to disconnect from the trauma that's stored in their body. And the symptom of that, that lets us ... | 19.88 | 3.331755 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270703.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270704 | [S1] We feel that sense of urgency because we're out of sync with the world as we know it. Our world, if we're addicted to drama, feels dangerous. The world that everyone else, as in, who doesn't have that- [S2] Looks easy. [S1] ... looks easy. [S2] It's simple. [S1] And so, there's a sense of being in dissonance, out ... | 17.24 | 3.245597 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270704.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270705 | [S1] So can I ask you another question? [S2] Yeah. [S1] 'Cause when you said- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... that word, it's always something. [S2] It's always- [S1] Are there other catch phrases that people that have this addiction to drama, like I'm thinking about the fact that one of my daughters always says, and I used to say... | 23.64 | 3.237679 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270705.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270706 | [S1] And she's like, "I just brought you your favorite food I picked you up from the airport." And I was like, "Oh, gosh, you're right. Thank you for breaking me out of that." [S2] Yes. [S1] It's such an old script that I replay sometimes when I'm not feeling well or not feeling, you know, secure in myself. But the rea... | 24.56 | 3.332639 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270706.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270707 | [S1] You know, you're just helping me have a little bit of empathy for a friend of mine who I will not name, but this particular friend has this extremely annoying... [S2] [LAUGHS] Okay. [S1] ... habit... [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... of texting in a passive-aggressive way. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] When are we ever gonna see you? Or he... | 24.2 | 3.415725 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270707.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270708 | [S1] If this person sees that I am in town, instead of getting a, "Hey, I see you're in town. Do you have time? Let's hang out." It's, "Oh, thanks a lot for not saying that you were coming." And I'm like, "Fuck you." [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Like, why, why are you unloading this on me? And what you're making me see- [S2] Yea... | 27.2 | 3.21223 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270708.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270709 | [S1] a sense of not being important. [S2] A sen- the, there's a sense of not feeling important. There's a sense of not being seen, which is a chronic issue of the original trauma often. [S1] Mm. [S2] And I'm assuming they go from seeing something on the internet and creating a narrative for story- [S1] Yes. [S2] ... an... | 22.24 | 3.384543 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270709.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270710 | [S1] Because it, and this is the hard part about being someone, being around someone who's addicted to drama is often they're rolling down the hill of drama. [S2] Yes. [S1] That inertia, you cannot stop. I don't know about your friend, but if you were to say like, "I'm here, let's get together," they're like, "No, it's... | 29.92 | 3.445752 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270710.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270711 | [S1] And you can't stop it. [S2] Well, I was doing this to myself too. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] So that's an example of somebody on the external. [S1] That's an external rever. [S2] Let me tell you the- [S1] Yeah. | 8.84 | 3.15667 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270711.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270712 | [S1] Let me tell you the internal one. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Is, um, when I would say, boy, probably five or six years ago, is I was really starting to feel lonely. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I was, my kids were getting older and I was no longer seeing a lot of friends 'cause we're all super busy and I'm working all the time. [S2] Ye... | 25.84 | 3.359656 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270712.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270713 | [S1] ... that I have no friends. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And I started to tell myself a story that all of my old friends were always getting together. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And they were getting together without me. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I kept repeating this story, and it kept me isolated. | 17.76 | 3.408269 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270713.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270714 | [S1] It kept me feeling lonely. [S2] Yeah. [S1] It kept me feel, it kept me from reaching out to people. [S2] Yeah. [S1] It made me feel separate from everybody else. It actually made me miserable because I convinced myself that all of our old friends were having wonderful parties and enjoying life and everything was f... | 29.72 | 3.358208 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270714.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270715 | [S1] a complete dramatic scene- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... that I had created and was the main character in. [S2] Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that sounds so fucking painful. [S1] Well, I think- [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] ... based on the number of comments and topic requests that we get- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... I would be willing to put money- [S2] ... | 28.64 | 3.304287 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270715.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270716 | [S1] I think it's so common how we create, we internally read, we create these stories that keep us, that reenact our childhood traumas, that keep us further away. [S2] Well, so for somebody who's never even considered this, could you give us an example- [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] ... that is relatable? | 19.32 | 3.427013 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270716.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270717 | [S1] ... to how some kind of trauma- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... that a lot of people may have experienced in their childhood- [S2] Mm-hmm. Yeah. [S1] ... might not even consider it to be trauma. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Can you give us an example of how that can create an addiction to drama as an adult? [S2] Yeah, absolutely. So mos... | 24.52 | 3.466166 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270717.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270718 | [S1] That's a, a kind of a very familiar wound for many of us. And so especially as young kids, what do we do? We don't have very many options, so we disconnect. We disconnect from the feeling, we focus on something else, and it's a suppression/repression of it. [S2] I think I have an example. [S1] Yeah. [S2] And it's ... | 28.64 | 3.397799 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270718.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270719 | [S1] I was starting to travel a lot and my husband was the stay-at-home dad. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And one of the things that our daughters in particular say that we did terribly as parents is that my husband, because of how he was raised- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... would always say to them, "Try to get a ride home." | 20.56 | 3.523744 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270719.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270720 | [S1] And I, meanwhile, I'm off traveling. I have no idea this is happening. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I did not grow up in a family where anybody ever said, "Try to get a ride home." [S2] Yeah. [S1] I lived close enough to the school that I could walk home if worse came to worse, but our kids could not walk home from where they ... | 26.52 | 3.443216 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270720.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270721 | [S1] And so they would be feeling at the end of a soccer match, the panic- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... that they're responsible for bombing a ride home with somebody. [S2] Yeah. Or abandoned. [S1] Or abandoned. All of it. And, and, and fast forward now. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I realize | 18.8 | 3.337224 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270721.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270722 | [S1] that there is a lot of drama in our family- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... around getting out of the house- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... because it becomes this, like, "Aah," experience in our family. [S2] Yeah. Yeah. [S1] Because they have this unresolved issue- [S2] Yeah. Yep. [S1] ... of feeling abandoned. | 19.12 | 3.472182 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270722.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270723 | [S1] It's like blowing out a candle with a fire hose. It doesn't make sense. It's like, "Oh, it's sprinkling outside. We better go into the bomb shelter." It's like, "We're going to leave the house. Come on, Mel. Mel, Mel, we gotta go. We're gonna be late. Everyone's gonna hate us." [S2] You're a thousand percent in ou... | 27.52 | 3.446594 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270723.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270724 | [S1] I think we all know a number of people in our lives. [S2] Yeah. [S1] That blow the candle out with a fire hose. That they get triggered and they completely tantrum. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Let's talk about what is it like and how can you, in a healthy way, be in a relationship with somebody. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Who is addicte... | 26.04 | 3.383906 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270724.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270725 | [S1] Yeah. Because most of us know someone who is addicted to drama. [S2] Yeah. [S1] It's important to recognize that a stress response, so if someone who's in a chronic stress response, like happens, an addiction and drama, is that it's contagious. And, um, so let's say I'm, I was pretty nervous when I saw you today. ... | 28.68 | 3.470087 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270725.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270726 | [S1] And there, someone in this room, or even you, might start to pick it up on a level you wouldn't recognize. [S2] Okay. [S1] Yeah, so, subconsciously. [S2] Yep. [S1] Your physiology is responding to my physiology. That's evolutionarily designed. You know, I'm running into the house or into the studio because I just ... | 28.68 | 3.408366 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270726.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270727 | [S1] I would imagine this is even faster and more addictive in a family. [S2] Yes, because you register the cues quicker. [S1] I was shopping with our daughter this weekend. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And it happened to us. [S2] Yeah? [S1] Yeah. She's stressed about, you know, life after college and so she's already baseline, y... | 24.32 | 3.440115 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270727.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270728 | [S1] We are out shopping and she comes out of this, uh, uh, dressing room and she's got on a pair of motorcycle boots and she's like, "What do you think?" And I said, "Those look just like the ones that I bought you five years ago." And she goes, "Well, I don't have those anymore." And the energy shifts. [S2] Yeah. [S1... | 23.88 | 3.426075 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270728.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270729 | [S1] And she then spins on her heels and stomps back into the thing, and then I feel myself rev up. [S2] Yeah. [S1] 'Cause I'm thinking, "Is she pissed at me because I'm not buying her a pair of boots?" Like, and now I'm tensed. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And it escalated from there. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I'm realizing- [S2] [LAUGH... | 18.8 | 3.41463 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270729.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270730 | [S1] ... that the dynamic that you've described of somebody having that flood of emotion- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... and then blowing out the candle with a fire hose- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... and stomping into a dressing room- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... she's feeling something deep in the moment, which is painful, which is, "I don'... | 26.16 | 3.400091 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270730.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270731 | [S1] And these surface level fights are her seeking that connection with me. [S2] Yeah. She might not be able to be in contact with it. [S1] It's too painful. [S2] It's too painful. So what do we do? We distract ourselves from that pain by creating more sensation. [S1] Well, so how do you deal with somebody who's const... | 23 | 3.423051 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270731.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270732 | [S1] So the fact that you have that experience with your daughter, you started getting revved up from her revving. [S2] Yes. [S1] So you gotta find your anchor, find your ground, shake it off. [S2] Oh my God, and then you don't wanna know what I did? [S1] What'd you do? [LAUGHS] | 13.16 | 3.270986 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270732.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270733 | [S1] I texted somebody while she was in the dressing room. [S2] Yeah. [S1] It's like, I don't remember what. I was responding to a text and I'm like, and I'm really like just deep breathing and using the let them theory because Kendall is in a mood. And then all of a sudden, | 14.32 | 3.126973 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270733.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270734 | [S1] Kendall responds back because she was in the group chat. [S2] Oh, shit, no. [S1] And just said, "You know I'm in this group chat with you and Lynn." And then I wrote back, "Touché, and you are in a mood. What do you need?" [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] And did that work? [S1] Um, you know, we stayed in the dram... | 29.24 | 3.332457 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270734.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270735 | [S1] And then the next morning- [S2] Yeah. [S1] I texted her and said, "I'm out here for two days. I really want to have today go well. What do you need from me?" And she said, "Well, why don't we talk?" And then we get in the car, and in the safety of the car, there's something about, I think, talking to somebody when... | 29 | 3.42996 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270735.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270736 | [S1] I, I, I'm afraid I'm not gonna make it. I don't, I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm out here. I don't know how to get into... Like, and it all came pouring out. And all I did was ap- and then I just apologized and I said, "I'm really sorry. You're right." [S2] Yeah. [S1] I th- I look at you and see... | 20 | 3.467778 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270736.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270737 | [S1] Put together confident young woman who is doing the work. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I don't ask you if you're okay because I assume you are and I'm sorry. [S2] Well- [S1] It was a, it was a deep level of fear and pain. | 16.4 | 3.438744 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270737.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270738 | [S1] ... that a lot of us experience when we're going through a major life change, which she is. Those, those first years out of college or out of high school or out of a relationship or out of a marriage are scary. [S2] Yeah. [S1] As you're finding your way. And I forget that. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And so I can see | 17.84 | 3.301528 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270738.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270739 | [S1] ... that, in that example, that I just lived in the last 48 hours, the drama- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... escalated- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... because she didn't know how to talk about- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... the painful thing, which is, I'm lonely out here and I feel lost and I don't know if I'm gonna make it- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ...... | 23.84 | 3.490041 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270739.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270740 | [S1] And so instead we started fighting about the motorcycle boots and that led us to this existential beautiful conversation. [S2] It's such a prime example of how this little thing over here that's blown so out of proportion, that's so disproportionate to what's actually underneath the hood. [S1] Yeah. [S2] And if we... | 27.08 | 3.420294 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270740.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270741 | [S1] No, seriously, because I think, like, I can think, I, I see this everywhere. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I see the fact that when my parents came to visit me in Vermont... [S2] Yeah. [S1] It's the first time they've, they've visited us since we moved there three years ago. [S2] Wow. [S1] And they came, it was a beautiful visi... | 28.76 | 3.319144 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270741.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270742 | [S1] The old me- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... would've gotten pissed off. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I would've felt controlled. [S2] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. [S1] I would've been angry about the campaigning to change a plan. [S2] Yep. [S1] And I would've felt offended when she said, "Well, you and your brother can get together. That not my, the... | 28.32 | 3.451724 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270742.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270743 | [S1] She created a bind in that moment. [S2] Yeah. And so here's the thing, though. When I really unhooked myself- [S1] Yeah. [S2] ... and I went under the hood, here's what I thought. When was the last time that we were all together? [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] When was the last time we actually did all travel to them? [S1] Mm-... | 28.76 | 3.355112 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270743.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270744 | [S1] Yeah. Part of it is we can use, like, functional reframes. So we go, "What's, what do we imagine the story underneath their story, the feelings underneath their story? What is the unspoken needs that are actually present?" And that takes a fair amount of empathy, but it's a skillset for ourselves, too. It's like, ... | 29.68 | 3.345226 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270744.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270745 | [S1] Do not attempt to take them off the rolling hill. [S2] Okay. [S1] That is never gonna work. It's like, "Hey, what's going on with you?" [S2] [SCREAMS] Yes. [S1] That just is a fucking log on their fire. [S2] Yes. [S1] You are squeezing- [S2] So do you just like quietly put your hand on your heart and take a breath... | 22.44 | 3.364287 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270745.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270746 | [S1] blow the candle out with the fire hose. [S2] Yep. Sometimes you have to let them run their cycle- [S1] Okay. [S2] ... so that you can then enter in. And usually the cycle ends with a collapse in the drama cycle. [S1] Yes. | 12 | 3.427109 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270746.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270747 | [S1] Well, a lot of times what I saw from the listeners that wrote in is that there's the eruption. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And then there's the silent treatment. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Because the person doesn't know or doesn't want to- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... or isn't emotionally mature enough- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... to repair- [S2] Yea... | 26.2 | 3.464604 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270747.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270748 | [S1] And then the ICE silent treatment or the pretending like nothing ever even happened. [S2] Yeah, that's- [S1] How do you handle that? [S2] Go talk to a friend, a therapist, to validate your experience. [S1] Okay. [S2] You know, don't rely on their sense of reality to match yours. The more you try to put that pressu... | 28.36 | 3.514487 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270748.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270749 | [S1] The Venn diagram of where the overlap of realities happen is small in those moments. [S2] Okay. [S1] Because they are pulling in the past and the future as opposed to the present. [S2] What's helped me a lot is understanding that when somebody does that- [S1] Yeah. [S2] ... they are having an experience in their b... | 26.12 | 3.481658 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270749.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270750 | [S1] Yep. The, you become the, or the relationships become the depository for the emotions. [S2] So is the reason why this is an addiction- [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] ... is because emotional outbursts or creating this revved up state in your body or keeping yourself in a loop where you're like, "Nobody gets me, nobody gets me,... | 24.8 | 3.421148 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270750.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270751 | [S1] It's an addiction because it's, why, why is it an addiction? Like how is it classified as an addiction? [S2] Yes. [S1] Dr. Scott. | 7.52 | 3.283475 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270751.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270752 | [S1] So addiction typically has at least five characteristics to it. [S2] Okay. [S1] Including you build up a tolerance level to it. Um, you have withdrawal symptoms. You don't care about the social consequences of the action or the behavior. You, it occupies a lot of your energy and attention. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And al... | 29.08 | 3.552567 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270752.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270753 | [S1] Over-scheduling. I needed to be in more grad programs at the same time. I needed more intense relationships to get that high, to get that hit. That then gives me a sensation of feeling alive, it gives me a sense of energy, it gives me that pain relief. I needed more to feel more. So that's tolerance. [S2] Yeah. [S... | 28.4 | 3.453791 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270753.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270754 | [S1] You know that itch of like, I gotta do something. [S2] Yes. [S1] Gotta go get a tattoo or I gotta, I don't know what it is, but I feel like that itch gets met if I get into a little friction with a friend or I go watch the news or I go doom scrolling. Something feels stimulating, takes me out of that boredom and m... | 29.76 | 3.430827 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270754.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270755 | [S1] Well, what's interesting about what you're saying is- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... if you're bored- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... you could pick up a book of Mary Oliver poems. [S2] [LAUGHS] As I often do. [S1] You could pick up a book of, like, fabulous fiction. [S2] Yeah. [S1] But if what you stimulate boredom with- [S2] Mm-hmm. [... | 19.36 | 3.46348 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270755.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270756 | [S1] ... or turning on, uh, some crime junkie thing. I remember when we had the extraordinary Dr. Tama Bryant- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... on the podcast, and she said something that really struck a nerve and has gone crazy viral, and it's this idea of, you know, if you have trauma in your background- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... you... | 22 | 3.517721 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270756.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270757 | [S1] You watch- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... these crime shows- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... or these horror shows- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... or these violent entertainment shows at night. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And she was saying that that is because it's familiar to you. [S2] I would go a little further. [S1] Okay. [S2] It's familiar, so we'... | 29.76 | 3.355606 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270757.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270758 | [S1] How does it give you pain relief? I still don't understand that. [S2] Yeah. So we have two main natural pain relievers in our body. [S1] Okay. [S2] We get it from connection. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Heart, and we get it from stress. So let's say- [S1] How is stress a pain reliever? 'Cause I hear the word stress and I'm li... | 18.76 | 3.336716 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270758.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270759 | [S1] Yeah. What is it that we're not attending to in ourselves when we're, we're tending to something on the outside that is stressful? [S2] I want to further break this down because I think it's really important what you just taught us. [S1] Okay. [S2] So if I were still in a space in my life where I was frustrated wi... | 29.68 | 3.364645 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270759.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270760 | [S1] Yeah, me too. [S2] Outbursts, nasty tone of voice, um, unloading on my family when I had a stressful day at work. [S1] Yep. [S2] Venting, all of it. If you had told me- [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] ... to just take in my self-awareness- [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] ... I would have thought for a second, "Okay, I'm taking in- [S1] Mm-hm... | 23.48 | 3.506161 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270760.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270761 | [S1] not in control of my emotions, and I'm taking in that I want to change this, and that's a good thing. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And a millisecond later, I would go, "Dr. Scott, that's not enough. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] What do I need to do? I, uh, uh, uh, and, and- [S2] Mel, are you revving yourself up out of the contact with... | 28.48 | 3.203242 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270761.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270762 | [S1] Holy shit. Okay. [S2] It's you staying out of relationship with yourself at any cost, including blaming me or creating a narrative or whatever other form of revenue you use to stay out of relationship with what feels vulnerable. [S1] How long do I have to just sit with it before I'm doing something else? Like that... | 25.44 | 3.457224 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270762.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270763 | [S1] Maybe it's literally one second and then we build it up to five seconds, ten seconds. It doesn't have to all be at once. [S2] What's a good way to ask for help? [S1] So we build awareness, we build acceptance, and, and in that acceptance or that validation is also a bit of starting to open up to be seen. Because u... | 21.6 | 3.408006 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p113_m4-dialogue_0270763.mp3 | [
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