YOUTH stringlengths 4 1.27k | PHILOSOPHER stringlengths 4 20.6k |
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Well, that’s fine. But I wasn’t asking you for an academic theory to provide a definition of “individual.” Look, if you take Adlerian psychology to its logical conclusion, it’s basically saying, “I am I, and you are you,” and leading people toward isolation. It’s saying, “I won’t interfere with you, so don’t interfere ... | All right. All problems are interpersonal relationship problems. You have an understanding of this basic tenet of Adlerian psychology, correct? |
So you’re out to condemn me. But you’re calling people liars and cowards. And saying that everyone is my responsibility. | You must not use the power of anger to look away. This is a very important point. Adler never discusses the life tasks or life-lies in terms of good and evil. It is not morals or good and evil that we should be discussing, but the issue of courage. |
Huh? Contribution to others! | No matter what moments you are living, or if there are people who dislike you, as long as you do not lose sight of the guiding star of “I contribute to others,” you will not lose your way, and you can do whatever you like. Whether you’re disliked or not, you pay it no mind and live free. |
Well, I couldn’t find any answers. But I did find this—it’s not my own idea, but something I came across at the library, a line from a novel by Dostoevsky: “Money is coined freedom.” What do you think? Isn’t “coined freedom” a rather refreshing term? But seriously, I was fascinated to find this one line that drove righ... | I see. Certainly, if one were to speak in a very general sense of the true nature of that which is brought about by money, one might say that is freedom. It is an astute observation, to be sure. But you wouldn’t go so far as to say that “freedom therefore is money,” would you? |
But . . . | You are probably rejecting normality because you equate being normal with being incapable. Being normal is not being incapable. One does not need to flaunt one’s superiority. |
But don’t forget. I told you that I am going to take apart your argument and bring you to your knees, and I haven’t given up. PHILOSOPHER: Thank you. I’ve had a good time, too. Come by whenever you’re ready to pick this back up. THE FIFTH NIGHT: To Live in Earnest in the Here and Now The young man thought to himself... | It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? |
What? | Right now, you are unable to feel really happy. This is because you have not learned to love yourself. And to try to love yourself, you are wishing to be reborn as a different person. You’re hoping to become like Y and throw away who you are now. Correct? |
Wait . . . Just now, you used the word “courage.” | Yes. Adlerian psychology is a psychology of courage. Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage. One might say you are lacking in the courage to be happy. Your Life Is Decided Here and Now |
In other words, you’re saying that to feel “it’s okay to be here,” one has to see others as comrades. And that to see others as comrades, one needs both self- acceptance and confidence in others. | Of course, community feeling is not something that is attainable with just self-acceptance and confidence in others. It is at this point that the third key concept—contribution to others—becomes necessary. |
That is why I am looking for recognition from others. You were talking about God earlier, and if we were still living in an era when God was something people believed in, I suppose that “God is watching” might serve as a criterion for self-discipline. If one were recognized by God, maybe one didn’t need recognition fro... | Does one choose recognition from others, or does one choose a path of freedom without recognition? It’s an important question—let’s think about it together. To live one’s life trying to gauge other people’s feelings and being worried about how they look at you. To live in such a way that others’ wishes are granted. The... |
So I am making up flaws in other people just so that I can avoid my life tasks, and further more, so I can avoid interpersonal relationships? And I am running away by thinking of other people as my enemies? | That’s right. Adler called the state of coming up with all manner of pretexts in order to avoid the life tasks the “life-lie.” |
Courage again! | Yes. Even if you are avoiding your life tasks and clinging to your life- lies, it isn’t because you are steeped in evil. It is not an issue to be condemned from a moralistic standpoint. It is only an issue of courage. From the Psychology of Possession to the Psychology of Practice |
Hmm! | On the other hand, if one has managed to build a horizontal relationship with at least one person—if one has been able to build a relationship of equals in the true sense of the term—that is a major lifestyle transformation. With that breakthrough, all one’s interpersonal relations will gradually become horizontal. |
So there’s no need for life planning or career planning? | If life were a line, then life planning would be possible. But our lives are only a series of dots. A well-planned life is not something to be treated as necessary or unnecessary, as it is impossible. |
Like what, for instance? | The child oppressed by his parents will turn to delinquency. He’ll stop going to school. He’ll cut his wrists or engage in other acts of self-harm. In Freudian etiology, this is regarded as simple cause and effect: The parents raised the child in this way, and that is why the child grew up to be like this. It’s just li... |
Well, now, that is an astounding statement! | Not just you, but all people who are attached to the “I” are self- centered. And that is precisely why it is necessary to make the switch from “attachment to self” to “concern for others.” |
No! I wish you wouldn’t trivialize things. I’m not arguing about education. Wanting to be recognized by people you like, to be accepted by people close to you, is a normal desire. | You are badly mistaken. Look, we are not living to satisfy other people’s expectations. |
So, a superiority complex. That’s a very interesting psychology. Can you give me a different example? | Ah, but you are wrong. Those who go so far as to boast about things out loud actually have no confidence in themselves. As Adler clearly indicates, “The one who boasts does so only out of a feeling of inferiority.” |
Of course I wouldn’t. It wouldn’t matter to me what the reason was—the way I was dressed or because it was raining or whatever. It’s the symptoms, the fact that I’m suffering with a high fever now that would matter to me. If he’s a doctor, I’d need him to treat me by prescribing medicine, giving shots, or taking whatev... | Yet those who take an etiological stance, including most counselors and psychiatrists, would argue that what you were suffering from stemmed from such-and-such cause in the past, and would then end up just consoling you by saying, “So you see, it’s not your fault.” The argument concerning so-called traumas is typical o... |
Of benefit to oneself? | The Greek word for “good” (agathon) does not have a moral meaning. It just means “beneficial.” Conversely, the word for “evil” (kakon) means “not beneficial.” Our world is rife with injustices and misdeeds of all kinds, yet there is not one person who desires evil in the purest sense of the word, that is to say somethi... |
So you said that today we would discuss freedom. | Yes. Did you have any time to think about what freedom is? |
Furthermore, as the major premise of teleology, you say that people can change. That people are always selecting their own lifestyles. | That is correct. |
Are you telling me to affirm that way of living? That I should accept my father’s constantly work-burdened existence . . . ? | There is no need to make yourself affirm it. Only instead of seeing his life as a line that he reached, start seeing how he lived it, see the moments of his life. |
There’s no way that you will acknowledge the desire for recognition? | Yes, it will disappear. There is no need for recognition from others. The philosopher’s points could be summed up as follows: People can be truly aware of their worth only when they are able to feel “I am of use to someone.” However, it doesn’t matter if the contribution one makes at such a time is without any visible ... |
Yes, of course. | We cannot discard the receptacle that is the “I,” and neither can we replace it. The important thing, however, is “what use one makes of that equipment.” One changes one’s way of looking at the “I”—that is to say, one changes how one uses it. |
Okay . . . | Yes, it’s a severe term. One shifts one’s responsibility for the situation one is currently in to someone else. One is running away from one’s life tasks by saying that everything is the fault of other people, or the fault of one’s environment. It’s exactly the same as with the story I mentioned earlier about the femal... |
You’re referring to the time I yelled at that waiter, aren’t you? | Yes. This view of the human being as “I as a whole,” as an indivisible being that cannot be broken down into parts, is referred to as “holism.” |
Reward is at the root of what I am calling “ties”? | Yes. When reward is at the base of an interpersonal relationship, there’s a feeling that wells up in one that says, “I gave this much, so you should give me that much back.” This is a notion that is quite different from separation of tasks, of course. We must not seek reward, and we must not be tied to it. |
That’s a difficult situation. I suppose that if no one appreciates what I’m doing, I might stop. | Why? |
But maybe his dreams will be shattered. | Well, I wonder. Having simple tasks—things that should be done— while continually coming up with various reasons why one can’t do them sounds like a hard way to live, doesn’t it? So in the case of my friend who dreams of becoming a novelist, it is clearly the “I,” or the “self,” that is making life complicated and too ... |
Have you become free from all forms of competition? | Of course. I do not think about gaining status or honor, and I live my life as an outsider philosopher without any connection whatsoever to worldly competition. |
All right, I’ll ask you again. “People can be of use to someone else simply by being alive, and have a true sense of their worth just by being alive.” Is that what you are saying? | Yes. |
I have a friend. But I’m not sure I’d call him a close friend . . . | It used to be the same for me. When I was in high school, I did not even try to make friends and spent my days studying Greek and German, quietly absorbed in reading philosophy books. My mother was worried about me and went to consult my homeroom teacher. And my teacher told her, “There’s no need to worry. He’s a perso... |
Yes, that sounds familiar. | The person feels this way because at some stage she has resolved to herself, I want to end this relationship, and she has been looking around for the material with which to end it. The other person hasn’t changed at all. It is her own goal that has changed. Look, people are extremely selfish creatures who are capable o... |
Well, I don’t know. I am alive, right here and now. “I,” who is no one else but me, am alive right here. But even so, I don’t really feel that I have worth. | Can you describe in words why you do not feel that you have worth? |
Problem behavior? | That’s right. First of all, we human beings have a universal desire that is referred to as “pursuit of superiority.” Do you recall our discussion of this? |
Well, all right. But don’t you see? You haven’t touched on the essential point, that is, the course of progression from the separation of tasks to community feeling. So first, I separate the tasks. I think of my tasks as being up to this point, and everything beyond that is other people’s tasks. I don’t intervene in ot... | Yes, you’ve hit on the important point. How does carrying out the separating of tasks connect with good relations? That is to say, how does it connect with building the kind of relations in which we cooperate and act in harmony with each other? Which brings us to the concept of “horizontal relationship.” |
Reward-and-punishment education? | If one takes appropriate action, one receives praise. If one takes inappropriate action, one receives punishment. Adler was very critical of education by reward and punishment. It leads to mistaken lifestyles in which people think, If no one is going to praise me, I won’t take appropriate action and If no one is going ... |
Yes; the well water that’s sixty degrees. | Now, remember the German word for a feeling of inferiority, Minderwertigkeitsgefühl. As I mentioned a moment ago, “feeling of inferiority” is a term that has to do with one’s value judgment of oneself. So what on earth could this value be? Okay, take diamonds, for instance, which are traded at a high value. Or currency... |
Of course. Before an effect, there’s a cause. There is nothing mysterious about that. | Then perhaps the cause of his not being able to go out anymore lies in the home environment during his childhood. He was abused by his parents and reached adulthood without ever feeling love. That’s why he’s afraid of interacting with people and why he can’t go out. It’s feasible, isn’t it? |
Okay, so she fabricated that fear of blushing as an excuse for her own inability to confess her feelings. Or maybe as a kind of insurance for when he rejected her. | Yes, you could put it that way. |
I have. If I were a narcissist, for example—if I were in love with myself and constantly fascinated with myself—maybe that would simplify things. Because your instruction, “Have more concern for others,” is a perfectly sound one. But I am not a self-loving narcissist. I am a self-loathing realist. I hate who I am, and ... | At what times do you feel that you are excessively self-conscious? |
Did you actually convey such a harsh idea to people who suffer from stammering? | Of course. At first, there were some adverse reactions, but by the end of the three-day workshop, everyone was in deep agreement with it. |
To me, replacement and renewal are one and the same. You’re avoiding the main point. Look, there is such a thing as unhappiness from birth. Please acknowledge that, first of all. | I will not acknowledge that. |
What does that mean? | My feelings about my height were all subjective feelings of inferiority, which arose entirely through my comparing myself to others. That is to say, in my interpersonal relationships. Because if there hadn’t been anyone with whom to compare myself, I wouldn’t have had any occasion to think I was short. Right now, you t... |
I guess I’m just not getting this. Weren’t you refuting the kind of value system of aiming for the mountaintop? What happens if you liken energeial life to mountain climbing? | If the goal of climbing a mountain were to get to the top, that would be a kinetic act. To take it to the extreme, it wouldn’t matter if you went to the mountaintop in a helicopter, stayed there for five minutes or so, and then headed back in the helicopter again. Of course, if you didn’t make it to the mountaintop, th... |
As theory, I get it. To my reasoning brain, it does make sense. But my emotions can’t keep up with such a high-handed argument. | Then let’s try another tack. Say there’s a man who’s distressed about the interpersonal relationships at the company where he works. He has a completely irrational boss who yells at him at every opportunity. No matter how hard he tries, his boss doesn’t acknowledge his efforts and never even really listens to what he s... |
I can relate all too well to how he must feel. | He should just enter his writing for an award, and if he gets rejected, so be it. If he did, he might grow, or discover that he should pursue something different. Either way, he would be able to move on. That is what changing your current lifestyle is about. He won’t get anywhere by not submitting anything. |
Value judgment? | It’s the feeling that one has no worth, or that one is worth only so much. |
I appreciate it, I really do. But I am afraid. I am afraid of accepting your proposal. | Age does not matter in love and friendship. It is certainly true that the tasks of friendship require a steady courage. With regard to your relationship with me, it will be fine to reduce the distance little by little. To a degree of distance in which we are not in very close contact but can still reach out and touch e... |
So Socrates and Adler both conveyed their ideas by dialogue? | That’s right. All your doubts will be dispelled through this dialogue. And you will begin to change. Not by my words, but by your own doing. I do not want to take away that valuable process of arriving at answers through dialogue. |
Contributing to others is for oneself? | Yes. There is no need to sacrifice the self. |
It’s complete? | If your life, or mine, for that matter, were to come to an end here and now, it would not do to refer to either of them as unhappy. The life that ends at the age of twenty and the life that ends at ninety are both complete lives, and lives of happiness. |
A workaholic is? Why is that? | People who suffer from stammering are looking at only a part of things but judging the whole. With workaholics, the focus is solely on one specific aspect of life. They probably try to justify that by saying, “It’s busy at work, so I don’t have enough time to think about my family.” But this is a life-lie. They are sim... |
Enemies who must never be underestimated . . . That’s who I’m in competition with? | This is what is so terrifying about competition. Even if you’re not a loser, even if you’re someone who keeps on winning, if you are someone who has placed himself in competition, you will never have a moment’s peace. You don’t want to be a loser. And you always have to keep on winning if you don’t want to be a loser. ... |
Um, well, I guess so. | First, do the separation of tasks. Then, while accepting each other’s differences, build equal horizontal relationships. Encouragement is the approach that comes next. How to Feel You Have Value |
On the other hand, he wouldn’t necessarily be a tyrant—one might speak of the sort of person who disturbs the harmony of a group as self-centered, too. He’s someone who can’t operate in a group and prefers to act alone. He never stops to reflect on his actions, even when he’s late for appointments or fails to keep his ... | To be sure, that is the kind of image that generally comes to mind when thinking of self-centered people. But there is another type that must be taken into account. People who are incapable of carrying out the separation of tasks and who are obsessed with the desire for recognition are also extremely self-centered. |
So I am unable to change because I myself keep repeatedly making the decision not to change. I don’t have enough courage to choose a new lifestyle. In other words, I do not have enough courage to be happy, and that’s why I’m unhappy. Have I got anything wrong? | You are right. What you should do now is make a decision to stop your current lifestyle. For instance, earlier you said, “If only I could be someone like Y, I’d be happy.” As long as you live that way, in the realm of the possibility of “If only such and such were the case,” you will never be able to change. Because sa... |
Of course! | But is that really the case? Isn’t it that these people have lived each and every instant of their lives here and now? That is to say, rather than living lives that are “en route,” they are always living here and now. For example, the person who had dreams of becoming a violinist was always looking at pieces of music, ... |
So they reveal their feeling of inferiority and use it to their advantage? | Yes. They use their misfortune to their advantage and try to control the other party with it. By declaring how unfortunate they are and how much they have suffered, they are trying to worry the people around them (their family and friends, for example), and to restrict their speech and behavior, and control them. The p... |
Hey, that’s a dig at me, isn’t it? Sure, maybe I do see the people around me as enemies. I’m constantly in fear of being attacked, of the arrows that could come flying at me at any moment. I always think that I’m being watched by others, that I’m being subjected to harsh judgment, and that I’m going to be attacked. And... | And why is that? |
Well, it sounds fascinating to me. What is this concept? | It was the time before last, I believe, that I brought up the matter of how one sees others, that is, as enemies or as comrades. Now, take that a step deeper. If other people are our comrades, and we live surrounded by them, we should be able to find in that life our own place of “refuge.” Moreover, in doing so, we sho... |
No, you don’t know my relationship with my boss! I wish you would stop making arbitrary guesses. | This is a discussion that is concerned with the fundamentals of Adlerian psychology. If you are angry, nothing will sink in. You think, I’ve got that boss, so I can’t work. This is complete etiology. But it’s really, I don’t want to work, so I’ll create an awful boss, or I don’t want to acknowledge my incapable self, s... |
Yes, that’s it exactly! I need you to explain that very clearly, please. | That one can act on the community, that is to say, on other people, and that one can feel “I am of use to someone.” Instead of feeling judged by another person as “good,” being able to feel, by way of one’s own subjective viewpoint, that “I can make contributions to other people.” It is at that point that, at last, we ... |
The counselor does not change the client’s life? | You are the only one who can change yourself. Discard Other People’s Tasks |
Yes. Simply put, it’s a term that indicates “hoping to improve” and “pursuing an ideal state.” | There are many children who, in their early stages, try to be especially good. In particular, they obey their parents, comport themselves in a socially acceptable manner, apply themselves assiduously to their studies and in sports, and excel in extracurricular activities as well. In this way, they try to get their pare... |
Just a moment. I’m writing this down . . . There are the following two objectives for behavior: to be self-reliant and to live in harmony with society. And there are the following two objectives for the psychology that supports these behaviors: the consciousness that I have the ability and the consciousness that people... | And these objectives can be achieved by facing what Adler calls “life tasks.” |
Indeed. | Furthermore, community feeling is the most important index for considering a state of interpersonal relations that is happy. |
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