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Just a week ago I hit my lowest point. Yesterday I said that I resisted a strong compulsion. Well, today I resisted 3 more! The first one was so painful and I felt like if I wouldn't give in to them I wouldn't be able to go through the day, but I resisted and it's getting better and better! I feel so powerful right now. When I'm at my lowest I never believe things can be okay for people like us who have OCD, but moments like these make life worth living.
It you're struggling right now, I want to send a hug your way. You're not alone in this. | OCD |
Hi! I’m a few months into meds (Xaggitin XL 36mg currently) and I’ve found that I can definitely do house work now and other things that I couldn’t do before (success!!) however at the moment I have an assignment to do and I can’t get started on that just like before meds, however I can do the chores I needed to do :))
Any tips on how I can get around this?
Also any other xaggitin XL friends here? What’s your experience with it so far?
Thanks!!! | ADHD |
It may be just coincidence but my son and I both developed very quickly physically. We were both always the biggest in our classes. My son is still only 8.
By the time I was in 5th grade I was 5'8 tho then everyone else caught up or surpassed me in height. But I was shaving before high school and when I was a freshman everybody tried to get me to buy their cigarettes because to them I looked like I was 18.
By the time I was a senior they thought I could get away with buying them beer.
So I just read a study today about how testosterone levels in the womb and early in life are associated with ASD and I'm curious if anybody else has the same experience. | aspergers |
It’s something I’ve been wanting to start, as it focuses on mental toughness (honestly it kinda seems like an ERP program without meaning to be). My only hesitation is the fear that it might somehow be more problematic than helpful. I don’t actually think it would cause more harm than good, but the uncertainty is keeping me —an annoying typicality of the OCD mind 🙄 (which I’m sure you guys already know)
If anyone has completed 75 Hard, or even just attempted it, please share your experience. | OCD |
am i just blinded by my own negativity? how can the people around me look forward to anything at all? i haven't genuinely smiled in a really long time and it's starting to feel silly. been stuck in this deep, dark, self-loathing pit which i can't climb out of. what do i need to do in order to find meaning in life again? i've been so anxious these past few days. sleep, wake up, panic. sleep, wake up, panic. sleep, wake up, panic. it's very very very very hard for me to change the way i think because i'm stubborn as fuck. nothing is going into my head. i hear what people say, and it goes out the other side into oblivion. it's just that i find no meaning in anything right now so it's difficult to heed what people around me are saying. i can't even command my body to do things i used to be able to do. for instance, gaming. i'd spend the whole day gaming at times. now i can't even spend more than 10 minutes on it. my intelligence is also dying down like crazy. not sure if i am even processing things, my brain is just filled with question marks when listening to people talk to me.
my mind is so empty yet so filled with negative thoughts. i have nothing in my brain... i used to be able to have opinions but now i just sit and nod at anything anybody says because i don't want to upset others or let them know i'm not thinking at all. oh yeah i think i'm helping myself by doing that but nobody wants to speak to a person with no stand. i have no personality, my friends talk to me and all i can say is "lolol" or "lmao", what the fuck is up with me? i lost the ability to speak and hold an actual conversation. i'm going mad. the other day someone was poking fun at me jokingly and my reaction was to mutter "oh god" to myself. what??? if it were me in the past i'd probably joke back with the person, or laugh with them. i can't even do that right now. have i been isolating myself too much? my reactions are totally off and make no sense. it's so scary but also funny at the same time because it's just so sad. sigh. i don't know what to do. is there some way i can fix this? it feels like i'm so detached from every single person right now and society too. i'm leaving everyone hanging because i don't know how to respond. i forgot what was the right way to react to a lot of things. when i see people get hurt i feel like i'm just watching them, like i have no reaction, my mind is telling me to help them but my body stays still. fuckkkkkkkk, idk what's wrong with me i feel so helpless. | depression |
I need to call the suicide helpline I'm in so much mental pain all the time and if I don't get some help to relive that I'm going to kill myself
It's just I have 6 housemates and thin walls
I don't own a car and live in a big city
So I have no idea where to go and talk to them without other people overhearing me
Any ideas? | depression |
Sharing this article written by a man with PTSD following car accident. It is well written and could be helpful to send to people in your life if you want them to hear a personal account separate from your own. My friend sent it to me, and it felt really good to me that she had read it.
Warning that it could be triggering to read as he recounts two traumatic car accidents he was in. I cried while reading but am glad I read it:
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/05/car-accident/618766/ | ptsd |
So my normal therapist was seeing me weekly. I just got told by the community mental health team that they want me to be doing two appointments with them each week for six weeks working on trauma instead of seeing my normal therapist weekly.
My therapist said she could see me three weeks in, and then see how I was feeling after week six and see if I was ready to come back to weekly therapy with her.
But I'm kinda sad. And I also don't know the other people very well. | ptsd |
Probably will be downvoted or educated on this one, since I already know “there’s no cure”. But I’m really curious if there’s been any cases where someone was prescribed ADHD meds which helped them and then over time they slowly weened themselves off and are now seemingly cured??
I know it doesn’t work like that, but I just don’t want my well-being and productivity in life to be tied to a pill. It scares me. I want to some day see myself fully graduated from needing meds and can function without. I’m highly functioning w/o meds btw, but they help. | ADHD |
I just wanted to post this here because I am so proud of myself and wanted to give others hope too. PTSD fucked with my brain for 10 years- but February of 2020, I found a therapist that helped me get my life back on track. And the past few months, I just finally feel.... free. I hope every person who struggles with PTSD can also find that peace and freedom. It’s truly an incredible feeling. One thing I continue to tell myself is- Even through the dark times, there will always be light.
There is always hope, my friends. You are important as fuck and you deserve a beautiful life. Just keep fighting ❤️ I love you! | ptsd |
I'm wondering if there's any recipe books or chefs that look into sensory processing disorder, autism or food for people that have light weight stomachs like myself. Would you have any recommendations on any of these areas? :) Thanks heaps. | aspergers |
Things around me keep breaking, everything is disorganized, everything is a mess, things need replacement or to be repaired, this goes for everything from my pc arrangement, my studying, stuff in my room etc etc
I’m a very clean and organized guy almost to where it’s an ocd-like thing, if I mess something small up in a building game that can’t quickly be fixed most of the time I just restart, and I can’t do that irl
I feel very down and depressed all the time because of a variety of reasons and although I’m getting treatment it will be a while before stuff gets better, I keep getting really annoyed to the point of getting a headache because of things like a small almost entirely unnoticeable hole on the underside of one of my socks or a slight bend in a cable to some electronic
Nothing is centered nothing looks good and nothing works it’s too much to fix it so I just don’t bother but it gives me headaches and makes me upset just being in my room or anywhere in my house for that matter
I have a lot of different socks they are all the same size the same color and the same type of short sock I believe the English name is sport sock, although they feel n different whatsoever wearing two different socks that don’t match in their brand pisses me off so much and I can never organize it, this is just an example to put you in my shoes it’s like this for everything
Another example is how my painting (not one I made) is a bit smaller than it’s frame, it’s about a centimeter on each side, I managed to put it into the frame completely centered but now months later it’s like 7mm off center and I just can’t be bothered to get out all the tools necessary to detach and reattach the painting so I just leave it and it bothers me constantly
There’s a few hundred things like this in my house and this doesn’t even touch on all the broken things like broken lamps and lightly damaged glasses and porcelain items such as cups and plates | depression |
M (34) Not diagnosed or medicated. Any advice on how to deal with your own birthday party with over 60 friends, family and guests? I need to thank everyone for coming, be individually sociable and a good host - without hypervigilance making me flighty. Also I'd like to NOT get stuck focusing on one particular rivetting conversation and lose hours of the experience and neglect other interactions as a result. I accept these traits about myself, but would appreciate any tips on how to manage. | ADHD |
Didn't think there would actually be a sub Reddit for this, but holy crap. 37 years old, diagnosed with moderate PTSD ( 6 years ago) and don't really know how to function anymore on the most basic level. I really need some friends :( | ptsd |
At this point, I’m struggling for the will to live, I feel ill be worrying and having these thoughts for ever and ever, and they have ruined many amazing things for me, bescouse of my compulsions which make me completely miserable. I’ve tried therapy, doesn’t seem to work, I’m done. | OCD |
Obviously C-PTSD has not entered into the DSM yet, but it has become widely recognized by many abuse survivors, therapists, and health departments.
However, sometimes I'm not sure where the lines are drawn between CPTSD and say PTSD from a single trauma incident that goes unacknowledged for years. Or whether they're useful self-identifiers compared to describing a timeline. I don't think either terms are lesser or unnecessary, and I hope everyone who reads this has a safe recovery! I was just wondering anyone else's thoughts? | ptsd |
hey! so i made a discord server for support for a bunch of different groups. if you’re interested in joining and getting faster help, or just people to talk to let me know <3 | ptsd |
I'm mostly suffering from HOCD but there is a bit of TOCD as well now because I keep wondering if I'm even a guy. I hate this so much like why can't I just be a normal guy that hangs out with friends and dates girls? I generally want that but I just keep questioning so much things about myself and I'm scared that I might find out things about myself if I'm gonna be open again with the mentality of questining if I'm gay or a trans. I might just be paranoid and that could very well be it but the posibility scares me. | OCD |
So I(25f) have recently been diagnosed with adhd, and been given Strattera/zoloft as a starting point. Within the past month of being on my medication, I've realized how much better my life can be with just a couple doses of medication.
I always felt like something was "off" about me, but I didn't know what. I was also really bad at explaining my struggles to other people. I was always told "that's normal" or "sounds lazy" when I tried to talk to others about it. It wasn't until after I met my ADHD bf(26m) that I started putting the pieces together. I knew ADHD was a thing, but was always told it was a thing in young boys; I didn't know it was a lifelong thing or that it could affect females as well. My bf would talk about his struggles and I was so confused, like "dude, that's everybody" and "I can't believe you take medication for that, that's just how all brains work." I completely believed that that's how all brains worked, because that's how my brain worked. Somehow I felt like something was "wrong" with my brain, but was also convinced I was just looking for an excuse- I was in so much denial. As time went on he eventually told me he thinks I may struggle with ADHD as well, and after some mild research, all the dots connected. I was so ignorant to the one thing that described everything I struggled with. The time blindness, the constant reminders, the excess anxiety, everything that I've been noticing for years finally had a name. Yet the denial continued for another 6months. I finally made an appointment with a neuropsych and within the first 2 visits, they told me I had ADHD and started me on medication.
Thankfully I'm still pretty young, but at the same time I struggle with feeling like I could have done so much better if I has just KNOWN. If I had been able to have help this entire time, where would I be right now? I keep reminding myself that life is a learning journey, and this is part of it; but it still nags me a lot. I'm still not where I want to be yet, but it's still a vast improvement from where I started regardless. | ADHD |
I´m 24 year old male, I have never been in a relationship, nor even kissed anyone. I have met several amazing girls and managed texting pretty well, but every time I get a date, it flops so miserably. I thought I found someone. But even thought we had a lot in common and understood each other quite well, I was too scared to kiss her or do anything intimate really. And our date lasted day and half. Now she blocked me. Just like that. I feel so empty. There is no excuse really. I can´t do relationships. At all. This is not gonna change. And I shouldn´t waste my time waiting for that special someone.. i´m sure she exists. But she still woudn´t date me. So what is the point? Relationships shouldn´t matter that much. I need to learn that. Sorry for this. I just needed to vent somewhere. | depression |
Today my philosophy prof discussed solid ground kind of theoretically. I was flustered with thoughts. I actually wanted to walk out of the class. I'm not sure if its because I was presented with the thought of where I was and for once I had to be here or there instead of in my misery, or the thought of my misery some how being exposed. I was completely frightened. I attempted at participating just enough engaged but I found him to be a bit passive toward me, he seemed almost annoyed even. Cant put my finger on it but it bothered me. I am already bad at articulating anything inside my head and every time I do it comes across as something negative. It didnt help that the skit was a car and the sounds of cars driving in the background. Fuck I can get in a car fine most days, slightly unaffected by the massive roller coaster of emotions. It is so much easier to have no human interaction. I want self driving cars so that people cant fuck things up anymore. I have no trust in humans, maybe Technology can create the world of safety applicable for someone like me suffering with muscle spasms at the slight jolt of a car, or sounds of wrecking. The emotions from a drunk person unable to handle their liquor. The rage that flutters me to kick the shit out of a car. I want to destroy a car like it managed to destroy me. I want to not think anymore about this disgusting reality that is our human race that gives 0 fucks about anything but themselfs. Can I legally become a mute ? | ptsd |
So I’ve been self-diagnosed for a little more than a year now. And I took the RDOS Aspie Quiz and it said that I was 145/200 Aspie and 63/200 NT. I’ve been very certain for a while that I have it, also given that my older brother has it makes it more likely for me to. I’ll never tell other people or my friends that I have it though. I think I’m waiting for a professional diagnosis. What exactly it that though? Where would I go to get one? Every quiz that I’ve taken says that I probably have it, is that enough to be confident in this diagnosis. I’m afraid to even say that I have it in here. | aspergers |
when im involved in a conversation i find myself asking questions most of the time, and when im asked a question my answer is precise so i talk for like mostly 20 seconds whereas NTs could talk a lot more when asked the same question. so how can i make my answers longer? | aspergers |
I know some might not approve, but I've had my Dakimakura for three weeks now. My stress is lower, I'm eating better, I'm losing weight, and I'm getting sleep. The nightmares are rarer and less intense, and my managers have noticed improvement in my productivity. I also am in a better mood as my depression is less severe. | ptsd |
I’m curious if this is relatable to anyone else or if I’m in the wrong thread. I often get into these states where suddenly it’s like time and gravity press heavily on me and I move very slow. I feel extremely lucid and yet also detached from myself and like I’m floating. My thoughts become extremely visual and clear but I can’t talk. I feel like I see and feel the world differently. I become more highly attuned to sounds around me and I can’t handle being around anyone else it’s too overwhelming. I’ve had this since I was kid, and they are often enhanced by the weather and classical music. It’s does this sound familiar to anyone else? | aspergers |
I’ve been relapsing really badly this week and one of my major issues has been with my books. I’m already very prone to buying books out of interest but not reading them, and then just keep buying more books. I have cats and my room is messy so I often “store” them in the original shopping bags either on my desk or hung on a dresser knob etc. to keep them “safe.” But if they fall onto the floor which is “dirty” to me (even if it’s clean), and especially if they get even a little damage, suddenly they’re unusable and I have no interest in picking them up and cannot enjoy them knowing they’re “damaged.” Last night I tried collecting all of my “new” books that I’ve purchased over the last year and put them in a new storage bin, to keep them safe from dust and my cats, who have dented or bit the covers of a fair number of books. I had decided to use a damp cloth to wipe dust off and make sure they were all pristine when placed in the container. I got to a few that I kept accidentally dropping and “ruining”, and gave up, allowing the few I was able to put away to be fine. And then when I was carrying the closed bin to my room, all the books shifted inside and slammed against one side of the bin, “ruining them.” Also now this morning the idea of a damp cloth shifted from being a good way to get dust off to having “contaminated” all of the brand new books, and now I have zero interest in touching any of them, even ones I literally bought yesterday. | OCD |
I can't live with the guilt and shame. I can't live with the knowledge of my mistakes if you can even call them that because I think I'm just making excuses for being a bad person because you can't keep doing and saying bad things and think it's okay because it's a "mistake" and all is forgiven. It doesn't work like that. No matter how much reassurance I have it will never be enough. Society's opinion means everything to me. Everyone's opinion means everything to me. I don't want to be viewed as a bad person. I can't tell anyone about my past in fear of being judged and hated. I mean we all have skeletons in our closets. I wish I were a child again. Just care free and everything was a lot simpler. I wish time machines exist or spells where you can change the past. I wish reset buttons were real. I wish I wasn't such a piece of shit. I wish my family weren't so ignorant. I wish everyone knew how sorry I am. If my family knew the person I have become they would hate me. I miss my grandma. I wish technology never existed it is the worst invention ever made but that's ironic because I'm using it right now. I find comfort in knowing other people's "mistakes" especially if they are worse than mine because then I know I'm not alone but I am really. I find that quite toxic of me. I'm so alone in my thoughts. I hate everything about myself. I'm sorry. | depression |
>In 1969 Joseph Wolpe, founder of behavior therapy, cautioned his students to look for the cause of treatment failures within the application of their therapeutic methods, not within their clients. He went on to warn that failures of behavior therapy should not be attributed to client "resistance" or investment in "secondary gain."
>#**Wolpe believed that successful client change was the only justification for continuing with a particular method. In its absence, he advised, something different must be tried.**
>
>Our clients would greatly benefit from a broad application of Wolpe's wisdom to all schools of psychotherapy, and particularly to today's methods Of trauma therapy.
*Babette Rothschild (17 April 2003).* ***[The Body Remembers Casebook: Unifying Methods and Models in the Treatment of Trauma and PTSD](https://books.google.nl/books?hl=en&lr=&id=a4kNBAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT5&dq=PTSD+physical+shaking+&ots=9CRZmugdsE&sig=nb5j6PJiTI9P00A1akxhf46ig1Q&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=%22ELIMINATING%20CLIENT%20BLAME%22&f=false).*** *W. W. Norton. pp. 5–. ISBN 978-0-393-71069-4.* | ptsd |
The first time I struggled with low mood, over two and a half years ago now, it was very obvious. I had all the classic symptoms and, unusually, I knew what had caused it, and once it was removed from my life, I felt so much better! Except… not really. Because no matter how much time passed, I still didn’t feel quite like normal, and eventually, it started to get worse again and I didn’t know why. The ol’ depression had gotten ahold of me and it had stuck.
I did two rounds of talking therapy, determined to get better, but they did nothing for me. I was still constantly feeling up and down, still tired and sluggish and unmotivated, still just as hopeless as before. The worst part of it though was that the longer it stuck, the subtler it became, until, eventually, I didn’t even realise that I was still depressed at all. I had thought that depression was sadness or numbness, I didn’t know that being generally dissatisfied with life wasn’t normal either. It was by pure luck that, after struggling for 2 and a bit years, I was offered CBT by my college (an NHS service that was accessible through the school), which I initially didn’t even think I needed, and I found out there that I had actually been depressed that entire time.
I only had two sessions before the school year ended, but we continued through the summer and I had my last session the day before the new school year started. It was incredible. It was everything that I wanted, everything that I had been missing from talking therapy. I didn’t need someone to talk to, I didn’t have anything to talk about. I wanted to be proactive and do *something* to get myself out of this rut, and that’s what my CBT sessions gave me. After I was done, I couldn’t believe that I’d thought that what I had felt like 8 short weeks beforehand was normal.
And yet, there were still some things that wouldn’t go away, and some things that returned the further into the school year I got. One month later, and, mentally and emotionally, I felt amazing. But I was still so irritable at home, snapping at the smallest of noises. I still always felt so tired after the school day. I still always felt burnt out despite doing nothing. And I still had trouble with apathy towards my grades and exams, not able to understand why I couldn’t just care enough to do work like everyone else did.
I was annoyed. I had done everything right, my mind finally felt somewhat stable, and yet *still*, this stupid low mood was persisting! What else could I possibly do?!
And then, two months later, after half a year of searching and stressing and calling and emailing, I was returning home with a diagnosis for ADHD and a prescription in hand. I expected the medication to quieten my mind so that I could finally focus and that’s exactly what it did… but it also did some other things too.
The first thing I noticed was that the irritability and noise sensitivity were gone. The first day, I was so calm, it was crazy. It returned over the next few days, but I’m now able to hold myself together or remove myself from the situation or just ask for whoever is making the noise to stop, rather than snapping and yelling. Over the next couple days, I also noticed that I generally felt more happy and upbeat and I was mainly just revelling in how easy life was now.
On my sixth day since starting medication, however, I decided to skip it. It was the weekend and I’d woken up late and didn’t fancy staying up until 3 in the morning, so I skipped it. I wasn’t doing anything that day, so what harm could it do? Biggest mistake *ever*. I’d gotten used to functioning normally, forgotten what it was like before, and that day, I couldn’t do a *thing*. I felt tired and sluggish and horrible the entire time, barely even able to get out of bed, with zero energy and zero temper. It continued the next day too, even though I took my medication, though thankfully, I was back to normal by Monday.
It was that horrid day 6, however, that I realised how much this medication was really helping me. When I was on it, I didn’t feel burnt out anymore. That *constant* feeling that I hadn’t had enough sleep, even when I’d slept up to 16 hours, the tiredness, the sluggishness, the unrelenting exhaustion, were all gone. I could not believe that I had gone all those years feeling like that *every day*. Seriously, how in the world did I manage it?! Those stubborn symptoms of low mood that I just couldn’t ever shake off, no matter what I did… they weren’t even low mood at all.
This diagnosis and medication have really given me a new lease of life. I have actual *energy* to do things now, rather than struggle through the day, angry and irritable and tired, walking around like a zombie, just coasting through. I feel so much more comfortable and happier within myself. And I finally feel like my hard work has paid off. I did the talking therapy, I did the CBT, I gave it my all, I improved far more than I ever could have imagined, and now I’ve got the missing puzzle piece too — the medication. And so *finally*, for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m really, truly stable and I’m hopeful for the future. | ADHD |
So I have many themes it started with health related stuff to contamination to fear of being a sexual deviant, being a psychopath and tocd. While the health and contamination stuff were somewhat manageable and I could live a normal life the other two however which I have since feb basically destroyed my live. I d say it got somewhat better because I talk to a therapist now but nevertheless it brings great pain to my soul. What really seems weird is that while the health and contamination stuff more or less is my companion every time the sexual stuff, tocd change each other so I have one week one and the next week the other and while I obsess about one thing the other seems so far away and unrealistic but like today suddenly it changes and the stuff I obsessed yesterday and checked porn to see if I got aroused till 3 AM before I got to sleep is now like sleeping while the other is now awake. Is this normal? | OCD |
I have had OCD since I was a child, around 8 years old. I'm now 21 and have it worse than it's ever been. That's 13 years of constant pain, torture, and suffering from my own mind. My OCD makes me feel like I'm a horrible person (I don't want to get into specific fears) deep down and I'm just lying to myself and others about it. Throughout my life I've seen a psychiatrist and 4 psychologists, I've been hospitalized two different times, and still I am here, rotting in my bedroom with little to no ability to do anything. I just can't fucking live like this. There's so many fucking thoughts to check all the time. And even when they stop I'm still not convinced I won't think I'm a bad person. Nothing hardly feels worth it anymore | OCD |
I used to be social butterfly. Now I loose every bit of strength after a bit of socializing. I've been lying down for past 2 hours and I'm too tired an exhausted to get up | depression |
it's kinda sad that i can't even remember when this started, the earliest i could remember doing it is october of 2020. i have to check my whole house before bed, and if i don't i will stay up all night cuz im scared of there being someone in my house. being asleep = being defenseless.
my therapist seems to think it comes from trauma of watching ID and criminal minds like show from a young age.
i mean like check every nook and cranny too—not even just places where a person can fit. that and i check all the knives, scissors, and anything sharp and make sure they're where they are supposed to be.
it's just weird cuz when i sleep over my boyfriends house i don't need to check.
for about a month ive been sleeping at my dads house cuz it's a smallish 1 story 3 bedroom 1 bath apartment, and my moms house (where i live most of the time) is a 3 story 3 bedroom 3 bath house. at its worst it's taken me a combined hour and a half to check my moms house, as opposed to at its worst 25 min at my dads. recently ive been able to do my dads house in about 8-10 minutes but i haven't slept home at my moms in weeks cuz i often break down when checking the house. im gonna talk to my therapist about trying to go home this week, i miss my room and my bed, and i don't want to sleep on a couch anymore.
does anyone else go through this :( </3 | OCD |
It's the end of the semester and I'm done with almost everything.
Starting to think I'll be just as miserable in the upcoming break as I usually am while in school.
Uh wow, just one good day I'm asking. | depression |
I’m a kind of person, caring a lot about courses in university because I love studying(Hotel Management, head to master). I made a biggest mistake of my life, which made me severe depressed.
4 weeks ago, one of my classmates suggested me to bring an acceptable conference and a power point, focusing on Creativity In Art, or I take the quiz instead of that. I chose quiz since I thought that would be easier than hundreds of hours surfing around the web.
Believe or not… Professor gave us 15 questions(only 12 of them were essential) to answer all of that In 15 minutes.
I screwed up, and my score was either awful, or painful to watch.I’m feeling I just burned my opportunity…
What can I offer to sort this out? | depression |
I don't want this to be a poor me comment, I just want to know I'm not alone. I am tired feeling alone. A little backstory. I have been recently diagnosed and struggling to come to terms with it (37f) I knew I was different and figured I had aspergers, but it seems I am having a harder time dealing with it now. I have mimicked all my life. I have done this for so long, I don't known who I am, just played the part hoping I am liked. Scared to do whatever because I tend to focus on the negative or I'm just not good enough
How I say things, how people will take it, how nobody understands what I am saying, made fun of but not understanding why, I don't sugar coat, and told I am socially awkward.
I so badly want a relationship with someone to love, or finding friends.
I have come to the realization I sabotage myself, I am so scared to be me I either make stuff up, or just panic and ignore everything hoping it will fix itself (that doesn't go well). Or just freak out and my brain just goes fuzzy. I am ashamed of myself, the fact I don't really have an actual job, live with a family member and alone so much my social skills are getting a bit rusty.
Am I alone in this? I read up on how people love being autistic (which is awesome they feel this way!) I am trying to get help but they are fighting me. I am tired and hoping for support from here a bit, a connection.
Okay, I'm done rambling, thanks for taking the time to read! | aspergers |
First of all I want to apologize for the level of English in this text because English is not my main language.
This started a long time ago but at first it was only the Ocd of contamination, for a long time I had it but for about a month disturbing thoughts about sexual issues about children began to come to my mind and my head is torturing me about whether or not I am a pedophile, and I can't take it anymore, the pain is killing me, I'm not and why is my head torturing me?
The thing is that more or less I was able to control this because I know that I am not a pedophile, but a few days ago in a soccer game of my team, a couple of boys of 3 years younger came (I am 17) and when we were doing the typical I shout of encouragement to start the game and we all put our hands to make the cry (the typical thing that is done in all games), all hands together, and my hand touched the hand of one of these younger boys and my head started to think that I wanted to "caress" him because I'm a pedophile, but I don't want to, because I'm not and I'm going crazy. I also think that the boy may think that I am a pedophile but since I cannot trust my mind I do not know if I have done it or not and I just put my hand to make the cry and that's it, I can't trust my mind anymore I do not know what to do. A few days ago I went to a mental health center and they told me that I would start therapy but what I have told happened after I went to the doctor and I still do not have the first therapy.
I don't know what to do, I'm not a pedophile, I'm going crazy.
There is a phrase that represents me a lot that I heard in what for me is the best series I have ever seen: "I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind"
I'm very tired... | OCD |
As the title says, I just turned 16, and after school failures and self-failures, I decided that the 16 years would start again even if I had to work very hard. But everything eventually declines. I did not feel any emotion when my relatives called me to congratulate me, or when my dad bought me a carrot and rabbit cake (I love rabbits). I thought what would be a coincidence but now what I have investigated, clearly after many events I can affirm that I have depression: I have a group of friends on Telegram in which I am an administrator and I simply left it without saying anything because days went by without a message. My heart broke when my mom angrily told me that she had paid for 3 subjects that I failed, especially because she expected to have a good average in all of them. Since my birthday, every meal I have with my family feels empty. I have no appetite or desire to be there because there are always arguments, shouts or threats, without understanding, and without anyone admitting their mistakes, which hurts me a lot because soon we will have a Christmas and New Year's dinner, and due to the problems of divorced with my parents, they didn't want to plan anything together but they didn't cancel the traditional dinner, so I'll probably end up eating the worst dinner of my life. I love my other family members and I want them to come, but if my main family saddens me just by seeing it, I will definitely have a bad time. I ask for some advice with tears streaming down my face. I know that I am no longer a child and I should face these kinds of things with more maturity and with less sadness, but deep down I still feel like a child, innocent, who only wants to be well and that everyone is well; I am a very sensitive person and I am sick of anyone noticing or trying to help me | depression |
Thinking about how my brother tried to stab me. I can't hate him, because he's ultimately just like me, a severely mentally ill person who lashes out when in pain. I tell myself "I've never tried to stab anyone, I'm better than him" but when I was 14 or so I hit people during a psychotic episode, I'm worried that I'm as cruel as he is. Anyways I'm manic and rambling, I'm sorry.
"My brother tried to stab me." That phrase just sums up how fucked I am. I can't stop thinking about that phrase, "My brother tried to stab me." It was just one episode in a series of trauma he inflicted on me and to be honest its not even the most severe but that memory just sticks out to me. | ptsd |
I'm triggered by yelling, because all my childhood was when I wasn't around my mom was yelling which then lead to bad things. My fiance thinks that yelling during a video game loss shouldn't trigger it because it's not being directed at me, but I cant seem to convince him it doesn't matter. He just told me "what, am I supposed to not yell the rest of my life?"
Is it me that should be trying to adjust and deal with it, or is it him that just will never understand and I either have to accept being triggered or go? | ptsd |
I don't blame the kids that gave me ptsd for not being Christian. I blame their parents who taught them it was ok to bully a third grader for not believing in god and the teacher who let it happen. | ptsd |
This is honestly the best place for me to put this.
When I moved schools I desperately wanted to not be alone and wanted to make it so I could waltz into my School's Hall and be confident that I wasn't gonna be alone and stuff like that which I think caused the downfall of it all I think.
I met this one person though and I immediately got hooked into getting to know them more and talking to them. I got really attached to her, so attached that I had this entire dilemma on if I had romantic feelings for her (Spoilers: after a lot of contemplation, I realised that I didn't and it was more or less a "platonic crush") and this obviously affected how much energy I put into her. I would appreciate being with her but when she is talking to someone else, I would feel abandoned and let myself be alone and she noticed and cut me off because it was our most important year in our education, we have a state exam which we needed to have the points to get into a uni course and she felt like she was starting something almost. It was very understandable and fair.
But it made me feel even more bad at the time, before I sorta built myself back up again by learning to just focus on the other people I've been talking to and my own school life and just simply asking her, if I did anything wrong or if something was going on with her and that's where I got info that I was too clingey and now I'm back at stage one, trying to fix myself.
I need some support and tips. Really need them. I met another person through the friend I mentioned before and we really clicked like before with that friend and I feel like she's gonna be another victim to this. I managed to get her number before she began her current streak of absences in school and I always felt the need to text her and start a convo on text once a day. It was great because she actually replies and we talk about things that we both relate to and the lot but I don't want it to happen again.
And I personally kind wish that the friend that ghosted me would occasionally start one-on-one convos and we can occasionally talk but I don't think she'll ever do that again because of the same reasons as to why she distanced herself from me.
Fuck this. | ADHD |
TLDR: My OCD has evolved from worrying about whether I’m some sort of degenerate, to worrying about not being able to get gross thoughts out of my head even though I know I’m not. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do in the moment in order to get better.
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Brief context before I begin my rant: I’m 17F and have had issues with anxiety and obsessive compulsive behaviors since I was in 6th grade. This year, following a build up of anxiety through the pandemic, I had an intrusive thought that quickly blew out of proportion, and has led to a (near) half year saga of OCD. I’ve also had what I could describe as a ‘rebranding’ of my mental health issues, because they do not fit the same theme as they have for most of my life.
Most of my anxious thoughts, obsessions, whatever, seem to center around some loose theme of degeneracy. Whether I’m this, or whether I’m into that, etc, etc. Logically, I know I’m not, and I’ve started to think that the real obsession I have is the fear of not being able to get those types of thoughts out of my head. So fear of the process itself, I guess. I also have this fear of having mental and physical reactions to things that don’t align with my principles.
I usually don’t really try to do this on purpose, but I’ll mentally review stuff and rationalize things, checking if the thoughts are still there, avoiding triggers, closing my eyes to block out certain things or people, etc. Sometimes I feel like I need to look at things to make sure I feel right about them, which usually leads to more distress when I can’t tell definitively. I also have a tendency to try and think ‘normal’ thoughts in order to counteract the bad ones.
I tend to flinch, twitch, clench my teeth, or shake my head rapidly when I feel the thoughts coming on. It’s been happening non-stop for months, so I sort of know the feeling now. Everything I do seems to be to try and figure out if I’m feeling normal, or trying to make myself feel normal by blocking out the things that trigger my thoughts and compulsions.
I don’t know what I’ve done wrong that’s led things to get so convoluted. I think back often on how all of it stemmed from a single intrusive thought, that I recognized as intrusive when it happened, but let spiral out of control. In trying to admonish the intrusive thoughts, I’d always end up backfiring and adding more fuel and subjects to the fire. At this point, everything I do or see could potentially trigger some sort of discomfort.
It feels like these thoughts, and even normal (?) bodily sensations I get feel invasive, violating, and out of my control, but yet, I have this notion that I’m doing it to myself. It feels like somethings being inflicted upon me, but because it’s all happening in my own mind, I can only blame myself.
It feels like I haven’t felt normal in months, and in retrospect, even further beyond that (Though that may be another part of the lie). If ‘normal’ isn’t a good word here I’ll just reiterate that what I’m trying to say is I haven’t felt like myself in god knows how long. I can’t remember what being myself even feels like. I don’t know if I’d want that either. I don’t remember if what I felt like before all this happened was the real me. I feel like I don’t know anything at all. Out of touch with myself, other people, and everything, really.
I try my best to move through this stuff and go along with my day, and for the most part I can. I can go to work, go to school, etc., but I I am almost constantly on guard. If im not worried about something specific, I’ll be worried about the general concept of the thing itself. Speculating what’s causing it, thinking that speculating about it is beside the point, and so on and so forth.
I had this epiphany the other day that I haven’t had music stuck in my head nearly as often as I usually do. My hypothesis is that getting songs stuck in there, or references to other media, is just the brains automatic response to sensing a blank space. Now, instead of something benign like that, I think my brain automatically fills the gaps in my cognition with these newer anxious thoughts, memories of past anxious thoughts, etc, and I can only seem to respond the same way every time.
I’m sure this notion is part of what keeps it going, but I feel that I legitimately can not remember how to feel normal anymore. I didn’t use to think about any of this stuff and now it’s constantly grating on the inside of my head. I don’t remember what it feels like to be unaware of your own thought processes. Now, it’s like every thought I have relies on the context of everything else I’ve thought for the past year, almost.
Every time I zone out of that anxious space, it’s like I catch myself unaware, and everything starts all over again. I feel like feeling normal would mean not thinking about how normal feels, but I don’t know if I can move on from all of this until I’m sure that I’m feeling the right way.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve literally just traumatized myself, because now whenever I see or think about any of the things that have been the subject of my intrusive thoughts, I get anxious, and it’s almost like my mind wants to connect the dots, even though it makes me feel bad. It’s like some sort of deranged autocomplete. Like when you have something on the tip of your tongue, but you get anxiety instead of satisfaction when you ‘figure it out’.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to get rid of that instinctual fear without going back in time and preventing the circumstances that got me here. It feels like I have no say in what goes through my head at all. Because as soon as I’m aware of having been unaware, everything comes back up to the surface.
I don’t know what to do | OCD |
Maybe it's just me, but I wonder if this is one of those Aspie characteristics?
If it's possible, I'll offer an explanation or answer in a friendly way and with positive intentions. But even if it means getting a bunch of downvotes, I'll say what I think is the most correct or accurate answer/explanation.
Reading the emotion of the group is easy. Going against the flow will never be the path to popularity or social success. But there's a certain feeling of rewards that comes from being consistent (statements matching up with thoughts).
tldr; If I have to schmooze or BS to create a favorable "image"... that image isn't isn't worth it. [just my opinion, but does anyone else feel the same way?] | aspergers |
As the title says... Every time when this happens I just ask everyone if the trigger will happen again and everyone just said no but I can't stop thinking about it...scary... | ptsd |
Pretty much what the title says I can barely find anyone I connect with in the past few years. Anytime I try to make a friendship with anyone I find that I barely get close with them and it feels like I'm putting more effort into getting closer then they are. In addition to potentially have aspergers I a have a lot of social anxiety so making friends seems like being given a task with no instructions. I don't think I'm ever gonna make friends or have any meaningful relationships with anyone in the near future but I still want to be hopeful that things can get better. | aspergers |
I was out at a fun fair with my girlfriend and our friends today and we immediately went to the Waltzer ride. Bare in mind I'd been very tired the whole day because of work, so I think this might have factored to it. We get settled in and the thing starts and next thing I know I'm hyper-aware of all the lights, people screaming, loud music blasting, my cart spinning faster and faster, and how I'm absolutely not enjoying this experience.
I have mild autism (form of Asperger's) and was definitely going into a sensory overload from what I was experiencing. My girlfriend notices I'm not ok and tries to hold my hand but I don't anything or anyone touching me. I try to take deep breaths and know if I closed my eyes I'd be even more aware that I was spinning and I'd probably freak out even more.
We get off a couple minutes later and I'm honestly a bit shook up, to the point I was going to ask my girlfriend for my keys (she had them in her bag) so I could sit in the car by myself and potentially have a break down. Instead I stayed with everyone to avoid drawing attention to myself and have people wonder what was up with me. I think doing this prevented me from having an actual breakdown or panic attack.
This has never happened to me before. In school when I was much younger I'd get scared of loud sounds or people shouting, but I've never been in a situation where I've been over stimulated like that and honestly it fucking terrified me. It put me off going onto the other amusements at the fair, so any time everyone would hop on one I'd wait outside which felt both embarrassing and frustrating.
I remained rather quiet the rest of the time we were there and kept to myself a lot and we left after about two hours. Like I said, this hasn't happened to me before and I'm still shook about it. | aspergers |
I have many many OCD themes but a big one is my cat’s health. A few years ago I neglected cleaning his litter box for long periods of time because I was very dysfunctional and sick. But the more I neglected it, the guiltier I felt, which made me neglect it more. My cat has (probable) asthma now and I don’t know if it’s from my neglect or something else but I feel terrible about it all the time.
I usually ask my partner for reassurance (when should i go to the vet? do you think he’s fine? do you think it’s because of me?) etc etc but recently it’s gotten out of control and i will ask for reassurance over and over and over again, even asking the same things. A couple of times he has gotten mad at me because he’s tired of being asked. Then i get really sad because he’s angry.
I’m just gonna keep quiet today. Which feels so alone and terrible, I can’t even describe how bad it feels. But i would rather deal with OCD alone than OCD and also my partner getting upset with me.
I know this is the “healthy” thing to do when it comes to OCD (resist compulsions) but I’m really sad today and feel like I killed my cat. And it’s only a matter of time before I come home and he’s just dead on the couch or something. Please send hugs to me today | OCD |
I don’t know why but I’m having thoughts about growing in looking older from 12 to 14 I don’t know why | OCD |
Hi All,
As the title reads. I was diagnosed this year and always felt that my momentary obsessive interests were just distractions from the face I don’t have any friends.
What do others think? | aspergers |
This is a quick rant/ comedic thing about one of my teachers. Two side notes before I begin: this teacher knows I have autism. Also, I’ve had conflicts with the teacher before. Despite suffering from failed conversations before, I still get the instinct to share my creative work with him. I’m not certain why. The point is, just trying to talk to this teacher is a problem- I’ve ended up really angry and upset after interactions with him before.
On to the story then!
We were on a short break in class at the time. I had finished writing a short poem and wanted his opinion on it. So I asked him “I wrote a poem, do you want to read it?” To which the answer was something along the lines of “yes, but not right now”. He talks with some other students about an upcoming project in his class. I wait patiently for him to finish his other conversations before I ask him again.
“Do you want to read my poem now?”
To which the response was something along the lines of “I can’t, we’re starting class now”.
Writing this out, it occurs to me that the teacher may not have wanted to read my poem. That would make the second attempt to talk to him make a bit more sense.
So I wait for another break in the class, take a few minutes to myself, and return once again to the teacher.
“Do you want to read my poem now”
I showed him the paper I had written the poem.
“We’re starting class now”
I had, of course, noticed that some people were returning to their seats to begin class. I wanted to share my poem with him, and I knew that I had but a few seconds left in the break before the time I could share was over. However, the poem wouldn’t take more than 40 seconds to read. It was a miscalculation of time, mostly on my part.
“Ah, of course it is.” I said flatly, imitating the overly-formal and dry tone Id assume the characters from the passage we were analyzing in class may have used.
“Don’t be sarcastic”
“That wasn’t sarcastic” I said, which was true.
I can’t remember what the teacher said after that. Probably something along the lines of “well, you sounded sarcastic” or “yes it was” my response was, again “that wasn’t sarcastic”.
So then I sat back down, this time a little frustrated with the teacher. I’m not really looking for advice here. It’s my fault for trying to talk to the guy in the first place. It really does infuriate me that the teacher talks about the “value of different interpretations” and “seeing into the struggles of other people through literature” only to have him tell me that my interpretation of Hamlet is “disrespectful” or that I can’t make up points for being “distracted in class”. I’m just excited to be done with this class soon. | aspergers |
I have suspicions of having OCD for a while now. I looked at the symptoms and I seem to check all of them. Tried telling my parents about it but they shrugged it off as me overthinking. Is there a way to cure this myself? | OCD |
I am constantly battling whether or not I want an official diagnosis or if I would even tell anybody if I did.
I hate all the hypocrites who are high and mighty about volunteering with organizations for disabled kids and adults, and how awesome they are because they treat all people with respect and blah blah blah,
But turn around and tell people they don't like me because of my personality essentially.
Great worker, great teammate, but because I can't put on a fake barbie smile and barbie voice all day long, I'm not the "right fit".
Why are people so shallow? Why can't it just be what you do and what you say, but not how you say it? | aspergers |
Has anyone had anyone in their family or outside of it claim to have PTSD but completely be fine?
I was in the car with a relative once and she claimed she wanted to kill herself once there and that she had PTSD from, nothing...
Everything she ever mentioned was, nothing. It wasn’t traumatic but she caused her on herself. My parents and I don’t even really know what she did with her husband. Why was there a need for a couple of cops and cops cars to enter her house and search it after her husband died? Something isn’t right.
I can tell she was feeding off of me, but why? All you get is PTSD. She’s been abusive and tried treating me like her sister who’s deceased. I know I’m going to make a police report and talk to a trauma specialist. Please someone tell me she’s abusive and crazy by trying to control my life when it’s my own and I’m not her sister she did the same thing 40 years ago. | ptsd |
Imagine something or someone you used to love the most, imagine how that feels to care for them and the warm feeling you feel inside.
Now imagine something you care absolutely nothing about, for me that’s Hockey, I couldn’t care less about the sport of Hockey, have never watched or have even been remotely interested.
Now picture that thing or person in front of you that you love and replace the inner being of it with the feeling of the thing you don’t care about, the nothingness that comes with it.
The object of your past desire is still there, you remember being in love with this person or thing that brought you joy but it’s been hollowed out and replaced with nothingness.
You still see it, but you couldn’t care less the color is gone, the life is gone .. that’s what depression is.
I hate this illness, it’s already taken so much of my life that I can never get back. | depression |
Disclaimer: I see a lot of posts about intrusive thoughts, I don't seem to notice that in myself, but god does it make me fucking obsessive. also throwaway cause embarrassing to talk about
I just spent 3 hours and 4 rolls of toilet paper in the toilet because of this shitty disorder.
It makes me make every part perfectly clean, and it hurts and wastes my life away. I a lot of people have so much stuff so much worse, but jesus christ, fuck ocd. | OCD |
I think I'm faking it. I feel like I'm forcing myself to think that I have a ocd (haven't been diagnosed). I've been looking back at the compulsions I used to do when I was young and now I feel the need to do them again. But I feel like I'm just pretending, but if I don't do it I get really uncomfortable (not too bad, I can ignore if I tried I think) I feel like I'm not trying hard. I posted something a couple of days back on one of the ocd subreddits, and I got a lot of support. But now I feel guilty, because the intrusive thought only lasted for a few hours. Everyone was telling me I could overcome this, and gave me advice, but I don't want to take it because I think I'm faking it. I see everyone posting about how ocd is such a misunderstood illness and I feel like I'm jumping on the Trend of "Im a bit OCD". I want to apologize to everyone that I've fooled on this group. I don't think being here is going to do me or anyone any good. | OCD |
I'm gonna wipe my glasses down with alcohol and bag my sweatshirt in a garbage bag when I'm home. I feel a little gross but it wasn't really spit more like he was yelling right next to me begging for money on the train. He then, I was standing at the door, walked right in between me and the door and got really uncomfortably close. I don't think he brushed up against my clothes but he was definitely an inch away. I just keep thinking even though he wasn't spitting he didn't have a mask and I now have spittle all over my glasses and clothes. Has this happened to anyone? I am going out on a date and quickly running home to take my sweatshirt off and wipe my glasses down.erp wise I'm going to walk in my room with my clothes and grab my lens wipes then go out to get dinner while sitting in my clothes except my sweatshirt. Is that over kill? Seeing a therapist for the Friday
Thanks | OCD |
I ate an ice cream that was made at a Wawa. I paid first and found it sitting ready on the counter and there was somebody shopping near there. What if he tampered with it. I don’t know if the caramel ice cream seemed discolored or not. How do I stop thinking about it? | OCD |
I constantly feel the need for validation, for someone to say yes, you're judgement on this situation is right, no you haven't done anything wrong. | OCD |
I just started college, and have been getting used to sharing a space and a bathroom with three other people. The thing is, I am SO bad at telling how much time I am taking to get ready. I don't want to be the one that hogs the bathroom.
I also shower in the mornings, but my roommates are still sleeping so I can't use my usual method of playing 2-3 five minute songs (I don't want to wake them). If anyone has any tips for keeping track of time, it would be much appreciated! | ADHD |
I enjoy life so much more when I'm on Ritalin, the way I can easily get into a state of continuous work and flow from one task to another, but it's so expensive and a pain in the ass to find in my country, and when I do find it I have to jump through several hoops (regulatory and executive function hoops!)
Right now I'm writing a paper due tomorrow. I didn't technically procrastinate as I started weeks ago (I'm 30% in) but could never get myself into the zone to work patiently and continuously. Even when I shut myself in my room there's just always some kind of distraction I can find. | ADHD |
You can fucking do this.
Your thoughts mean nothing.
Acknowledge the thoughts you're having but don't be afraid to ask yourself, "ok, now that I had this thought, why do I NEED to feel differently?"
Spoiler, you don't.
You never do.
Trust that and simply watch them pass through.
Be vulnerable in the process.
Bask in that vulnerability.
It's ok to let your guard down. | OCD |
Just quick support/love post to all those that struggle with depression/loneliness <3
This shit is hard, it’s not fun and I do truly empathize with those out there that feel similar to in this battle against yourself. I’ve been fighting the good fight for pretty much a decade and this holiday season is hitting a little tougher than normal. I think it’s the post 2020 pandemic stage and moving into my later 20’s but whatever it is the isolation/holidays is hitting harder than normal, got me questioning spending the rest of my life doing this. Hoping for some good vibes to come my way soon, and for you anyone out there struggling. It may not mean much from an internet stranger but I do mean it.
The days go on, looking to make it to the part where it works out for me. | depression |
On my phone, I'll take screenshots every time someone sends a single message in a group chat. On my computer, I'll take screenshots of games, funny comments, things I post, anything. I want to save memories and preserve them. Does anyone else do this? My screenshots are taking up 60 GB on my computer alone, and I have 11,331 screenshots on my phone. It's become a real problem, and I don't know how to stop. | OCD |
i don’t know what to do. i have been experiencing ZOCD for like the past 2 weeks now, and i feel like i’m going insane. i have never once looked at an animal and regarded them in a romantic or sexual way. i think most of it stems from the fact that i used to watch videos of animals mating and m* to it when i was younger, because p*rn felt too intimidating. i was not sexually attracted to the animals themselves, but rather just the fact that it was a sexual act, i was young, and didn’t understand the weight of it. i carry so much shame from this. it makes me feel abnormal and disgusting. i live in constant fear and obsession over the possibility of developing an attraction to animals. i also grapple with the moral dilemma of z*ophilia itself, and that makes me feel like an apologizer or like i actually am one and am just lying to myself. i don’t know what to do or how to shake this worry. | OCD |
I decided to try again with ADHD medication a couple of months ago and so I started straterra, my dumbass psych started me on 10mg and just had me wait 2 weeks even though I had no side effects for each dose spike, so 2 months later and I'm still waiting for it to work! So now I gotta wait another 4 weeks so these drugs can work already. Not only that, but I'm gonna be 18 soon, and I'm still a child. I gotta do my driving test at the end of the month which I failed the first time because I wasn't paying attention. And I have schoolwork and chores I can't keep up with. I know it sounds like I'm whining about nothing but I can barely manage such simple things and everytime I think about them I get overwhelmed. I'm so mad I wasted 2 years trying to deal with this stuff the "natural" way. WHY DIDNT I DO THIS SOONER?!?! I'm behind the people that are so much dumber than me because of this stupid illness. I wish I was fucking normal. | ADHD |
so, i’m not very good at explaining things but i’ll try. i’m F15, i’m not diagnosed and i’ve actually never posted on here before but i just want to know if anyone else can relate.
i’m always scared i’m causing harm to others.
for example; i’ll be listing to music or watching a movie, and i feel like by doing so, i am causing harm to the actors in the movie or the artist of the song etc... because i feel like i carry harmful, bad energy and that my energy will harm them??
if i like a video, comment on it, or even just watch it in general, i feel that the creator of the video will be harmed by me watching it.
i don’t know if this made sense, but maybe some other people can relate. | OCD |
Please please please let’s use our correct OCD knowledge to call out misuses of OCD whenever you come across them in your daily life with family and friends (e.g. ‘that’s so OCD’ etc). It is not only so empowering to us sufferers and an amazing way to gain autonomy over our own OCD, but also can literally transform lives by changing perceptions and allowing more sufferers to be enlightened. I know I would give my left arm to have had access to the right information earlier in life.
Public understanding is changing but we can help it change so much faster. This then promotes the ever-expanding collective consciousness of understanding.
Together as a community we have the power to recover.❤️❤️
No matter what you are going through now, there’s always a way to get better and the inspiring posts on here prove that.❤️❤️
We all deserve to be proud of our progress. Coping, surviving, recovering - you are truly the best!❤️❤️
Peace and love. | OCD |
People with ADHD often struggle in the professional/educational world and schools/workplaces are not designed to accomodate for people with the disorder. A place where you are expected to pay attention, meet deadlines and stay in one place for the entire day sounds like a total nightmare.
So to everyone who is struggling with ADHD or ADD: If you could wave a magic wand and create your perfect job or work environment, what would it look like? | ADHD |
I Will be traveling back to my home state for my entire Christmas vacation (almost a month) but my RX is filled while I'm there. I don't know what to do I'm starting to freak out, I need my meds. I initially thought maybe I could have someone pick it up and ship it to me but after doing some googling I found out that's highly illegal. Any thoughts??? | ADHD |
Keeping this short because y'know attention deficit
When I'm impulsively distracting myself I use an interval timer with a noticeable but non-invasive beeping noise. It really helps me realize I've been distracted and get back on task. [Here's one I use](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wyOe65kexc&ab_channel=TimeTaker). Hope this helps you! | ADHD |
I’m on both antidepressants for OCD and stimulants for ADHD. My stimulants have bettered my attention, focus, executive functioning, and social skills, but worsened my OCD symptoms like self-doubt and rumination that I was previously able to manage with things like mindfulness and ERP. Realizing this made me feel pretty depressed and hopeless last night. I’m wondering if anyone with OCD who also takes stimulants has found a way to cope with these worsened symptoms, and if it is worth it to continue taking my stimulants when I start college in a few weeks. Any input would be much appreciated. Thanks you guys. | OCD |
I've been on Adderall since October, and recently upped the dosage to 20mg twice a day about a month ago.
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I've been on that same dosage and I still don't feel any different. I still don't know what I should be looking for. I've recently revealed my diagnosis to my manager and it felt like such a weight lifted off my shoulders. I told him I wasn't looking for any special treatment or anything like that, I just wanted it to be known so I didn't feel like I was unnecessarily hiding something. He was very supportive and accepting. I asked if he had noticed any difference in my performance since that's where I struggled most. He then told me that he's noticed some significant improvement, however I think it's kind of a mixture. I've been here for 8 months and I'm starting to understand how our systems work so I kind of shrugged it off as just my normal improvements (I do IT in case ya'll are wondering).
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I still feel the same. I don't notice any difference in my day to day. Still constantly running, fighting the usual waiting paralysis I believe is what it's called. Still have my days where I fight to shower or brush my teeth, or fight myself to just do something other than sit on my couch on my weekends. I just want to feel what it's like to not do that.
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I feel like I could use some better coping mechanisms and my therapist hasn't been much help with that. I can't increase my dosage because the anxiety was pretty bad so we're waiting for the other medication to do what it does before changing anything. It's all just difficult and I wanna know what other people's experience was like.
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What did you notice? What didn't you notice? How will I know if it's doing anything? How do you cope? I would love to hear all of your thoughts. I love this forum because it's really given me a place to hear how people are doing with this and I feel less alone. I look forward to hearing your stories and if you have any coping tips I'd love to know what works and doesn't work for ya'll.
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Thank you for taking the time to read my post. | ADHD |
I’ve been in probably one of the deepest bouts of depression I’ve had to date. I think about death everyday and how miserable I am in this life.
I decided to write things down that I think negatively about, or just don’t like about myself and say that they will change.
Some of the affirmations were:
“I will get better”
“I am worthy of love”
“I will learn to love myself”
“I will find love and be loved in return”
“I won’t be sad all the time”
I’m hoping I can read these a maybe start to feel like I believe it. I just can’t spend my life being miserable and alone. People say life is short, but I feel like it’s lasting forever and I can’t spend all this time hating it. I need to try and change. I don’t want to wake up 15 years from now and regret how much time I waisted being depressed.
I’m going to try and call the hospital tomorrow to see if I can get a therapist or someone to talk to. I really need to fix myself instead of giving in and being submerged in sadness every day. It’s miserable being miserable all the time. | depression |
Find a book I’m interested in (not very hard to do).
Get so excited about the book I take in 0 words from the sentence I have just read.
Get so excited about the book I can’t sit down in one place for longer than 1 minute.
Get up to get a drink (that I won’t finish and will forget about in 30 seconds).
Read one page and not one single word has been processed.
Get up to change my t-shirt (???)
Get up to talk to my sister.
Get up to do that task I was meant to do last week but had completely forgotten about.
Google cool thought that has just popped in my brain.
Sigh in frustration as I look at the clock because an hour that I had scheduled for reading has passed with not even 1 single page turned.
once again I have been unable to read. Even tho I love it.
Proceed to throw book down where it will get lost and won’t be picked up until a few weeks or months later and I am feeling optimistic again. | ADHD |
I have a phobia of sexually abusing underage kids . Like checking someone out but then they’re underage . I’m a grade 11, and occasionally I find grade 10s cute , or sometimes I reminisce over past crushes form grade 10 who I may not have seen often this year . I am HORRIFIED that this is sexual abuse . Like I try not to find grade 10s cute anymore because I’m 17 now and they are often around 15-16 . I am also more attracted to developed faces , than someone with childlike features . Cuz I read hat if there’s a 3 year age gap between you and someone you like it’s sexual abuse to check
Them out or look st them for sexual pleasure .
And they’re right , I wouldn’t look at
Someone who’s 14 . But I had this one friend who was 14 for two months in grade 10. So what if I’m attracted to a 14 year old ?
Ugh | OCD |
Im just curious if anyone has any suggestions for an iOS app that may facilitate in remembering things throughout the day. I invested in a smart bottle, to remind myself to hydrate, but i still have the issue of forgetting everything else, like eating, taking medications, etc.
i would really like an app, that i can enter in a bunch of daily tasks, and have my phone remind me, at the same time daily/every other day/weekly/etc. it would be cool if it had some sort of "mark as complete" option, in which it will remind me every 15 minutes, that i need to do it, until i mark it as being done. bonus if it could text me/banner alert my phone.
just wondering if there is anything like that out there, and if so, get some recommendations.
Thank you | ADHD |
I started a job last month in a long-term care facility. I am having such a hard time keeping myself from transferring emotions from my patients! They are suffering so much emotional turmoil because of dementia, Parkinson's, TBIs, and mental health disorders. Then, there is another phenomenon, the emotional lability caused by brain damage, which makes the most dramatic emotions take over and cycle through their bodies (I know they're not necessarily feeling these things the way a person with healthy brain would but my mirror neurons are freaking the fuck out when I see such deep emotions). Then to see the way some of them have lived their lives and are living while they slowly pass is another level. Watching how they die and seeing how lonely and confused some of them are in the medical system is brutal. I feel like crying sometimes, when it's really bad, like when one of them starts reliving their child's death or their time in battle and you know it's happening for them all over again.
It seems like I'm either way too open to others' emotions or I close off completely. I have to find a balance. I have always been like this where I soak up the emotions displayed others and imagine myself experiencing what they're experiencing (I started doing the latter as a young child to cope with lack of natural ability to do intuit people's perspectives due to autism and now it's ingrained). Does this get better? How do you keep yourself open enough to empathize without burning out by taking on too much and shutting down? | aspergers |
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 7, had built up enough resistance to Ritalin that it wasn't working anymore by the time I was 12, spent a few years looking for something else that would help (during which I was a COMPLETE mess, and also that point in my life is where my history of depression started), and completely unmedicated since I was 15. And it's not like I outgrew the ADHD. The meds just weren't doing anything so it wasn't worth the side effects.
So, yeah, I've been unmedicated since the mid 90s and for my entire adult life. I've had good days, when I function almost as well as anyone else. I've had bad days, when actually getting anything done seems like an impossible task. And I've had really bad days where I do stuff like get distracted and forget to button my pants or show up to work in my pajamas because I forgot to change.
And here lately the really bad days are happening more and more and the good days seem few and far between.
I kinda feel lost and adrift. I'm getting so frustrated and I CAN'T THINK! That really hurts because my self-worth has always been tied up in my (not trying to brag) considerable intellect. I just don't have anything else to offer the world besides being smart. And now it feels like this thing I've fought every day of my adult life to keep it from eating my brain is starting to win. I don't know what to do. | ADHD |
For there's so much stuff everyone knows about that I was late to know or at least take part in.
\-As a kid in the 00s I thought the Star Wars prequels weren't prequels but just episodes that happened to made later. I treated them the same as the originals. I saw Boba Fett in episode 6 and first thought what's Jango Fett doing there? And then was like "oh Anakin and Vader are the same character I see..."
\-I didn't know ANYTHING about Lord of the Rings until 2013. In Primary School (for ages 4-11, I'm from the UK) I remember my dad showing me some of the first movie and a clip or two from the second on TV but not again. I stopped watching the vhs it just felt so boring unlike the other big movie series I loved watching over and over. Only later after seeing the first hobbit I got into Lotr but since then have turned to hating it for ruining my life. I didn't even know the hobbit (which I read a bit of in a comic aged 10) had anything to do with lotr. When the first movie came out I thought "hang on isn't that the wizard from lord of the rings?" "Who is that wizard called?" I asked my dad. I heard "you shall not pass," in a YTP in 2011 and I thought "wonder where that line is from..." Also in 2011 I watched "Trolling Saruman," and having never seen the movie I was very, very confused as to why a fantasy wizard was singing the trolololo song (I didn't know the origin of that song yet) only later did I realise it was a funny edit. I knew no character names, no plot, no setting, didn't know they were based on books or Tolkien at all.
And I see a ton of people online say stuff like "I remember like it was yesterday that lotr came out..." or "watching the first hobbit movie brought me back to Middle Earth after all these years!" Me on the other hand watching the first hobbit was my first time getting to know tolkien well. And Peter Jackson is best known for making the lotr movies but I only ever knew him for making King Kong.
\-I didn't know the MCU was a thing till quite late. I saw the first avengers movie when it came out as some friends invited me but if it wasn't for them I would have never seen it because I just didn't know about it. I didn't know the movies were in the same universe till like 2015 and not until 2017 that I realized guardians of the galaxy was part of it. I didn't learn the real names of Iron Man or Captain America till later either.
\-And because I was no expert on superheroes I thought "why aren't batman and superman in the avengers?"
\-I learnt French in school aged 11-14 and didn't know "oui," meant "yes," until the 3rd year. No wonder I dropped it after that. | aspergers |
Hi all, I don't really know if I meet any sort or criteria to make it worth the doctor's time or not. I've been a Correctional Officer for the past 4 years working both County Jails and State Penitentiaries. The only reason I'm even seeking advice is because I have currently switched over to a civilian field for a higher paying job, and I came very close to losing said job this morning. After my first year as a rookie I haven't been able to handle crowds very well. Being surrounded by people makes me feel like I'm being suffocated anymore. Just this morning I was standing at the time clock ready to leave work (I'm a night shifter) and this group of people, also ready to clock out, decided that out of the entire hallway our time clocks are in, they had to get physically close enough to where one of their elbows bumped into me. I know it's irrational, but it took every fiber of my being to control my breathing and not strike this person. My hands have literally been shaking for for past 30 minutes because I'm having a very hard time calming down. I really like my new job, but I'm worried my past career may be coming back to haunt me and cause me to do something that I'd regret. Should I talk to somebody about it? | ptsd |
Please note: I am not looking for referrals or therapeutic advice.
TlDr: I am a generally positive person, but the things I have been working through are heavy and I need to say things out loud sometimes. I have exhausted my usual suspects and I feel quite alone.
I don't want to say much other than I have been through some serious ups and downs recently in personal and professional life. For the first time ever I feel like I have handled it well and am not dreading the next thing rolling at me.
Part of being able to handle it better than the previous 31 years has been me being aware of my need to verbalise ideas and feelings sometimes if I am having difficulty understanding where they come from, or to reset events in my head.
I can't lean on the people I usually lean on, some are dealing with some stuff of their own and that will take time and space to heal too, or are just bored by now, or etc etc etc if you've been in this spot before you know what I mean.
I have access to 24 hour counselling services, a psychologist and psychiatrists but I am not looking for clinical conversations, or brief intervention/motivational interviewing or even to vent.
I'm sick of filling people in (in this moment) - I just want someone to notice and say hoo boy those are tough things you have been dealing with! You are doing well, and actually meaning it.
Basically I want a time-travelling Genie who is my friend and only helps me by seeing what I have been through and can instantly know my backstory.
Take care of yourselves. | ADHD |
1. I just poisoned myself and will die shortly because (insert ridiculous reason)
2. I'm going to lose my job for (insert ridiculous reason)
3. I'm going to prison for (insert ridiculous reason)
4. Someone is coming to find me and kill me for (insert ridiculous reason) | OCD |
OK, guys. I have autism. This is my theory on why we can't socialise...
Neurotypicals are identifying each other, using eye movements, using facial movements.
These are not precise numbers, but, let's say most people do 100 facial movements.
And then, let's say, autistic people only do 10 facial movements.
Therefore, it's like Face ID on Apple, and notice how Apple has added in more of these "dots" onto their Face ID, to make it more and more accurate.
There is actually a mental condition, I forget the name, where people think their own wife has been replaced with a fake wife.
They believe their own mother has been replaced with a fake mother.
How does a human being actually identify another human being anyway?
Smell? You can fake that with perfume?
Face? You can fake that with a disguise, just ask the CIA.
Walking patterns? Much harder, if not impossible, to fake. I watched a BBC documentary years ago, on how CCTV cameras identify people with walking patterns.
Dialogue? Ah! Now, you "could" identify someone, by quizzing them on their entire life story, every time you meet them. But that would take hours upon hours upon hours. This may even be why Aspergers talk at length on and on, this is our form of identifying each other.
But clearly, we only have 24 hours in a day, so we cannot possibly expect to socialise if we are talking at such length!
In the early months of our life as a baby, we failed to make proper facial and eye contact with our own mothers. This is the basis of a new treatment for autism that has been developed. They re-train mothers to make proper eye contact and then autism is apparently prevented. This was in the news recently.
How about new room concept? Autistic people, if one small thing changes in the room, believe that it's an entirely new room. Apparently this is why we get so startled by new situations. This is why we are overwhelmed at an airport with 100s of people walking around. This is why we are overwhelmed driving a car or a bike, with 100s of cars on the road, and all the different sounds etc.
I have a really strange feeling here, that we cannot socialise, because we are not even convinced that it's the same person in the room.
The autistic brain has actually been said to almost "blank out" other people in the room altogether. Subconsciously, it's like we almost don't believe there ARE any people in the room. Or that we are "shape shifting" throughout "parallel universes", and different humans are entering the room every split second.
It's as if we cannot talk to these humans, because we think that every second, it's actually a different human in the room altogether. It would be pointless starting a conversation with a person, if they are a new person every second?
Oh yeah, fun extra. I actually have anosmia, as one of my "sensory issues". I literally have no sense of smell whatsoever. So I can't use smell whatsoever to identify people.
Is it really an identification issue?
And if so, what would the solution be?
Autistic people are said to be like 24/7 "workers". We see others as "colleagues" rather than "friends"
We talk to people for "specific purposes", like "do this particular thing", rather than, "let's just hang out"
We suck at "small talk", and again, would take to you only for a pre-approved, "white listed" task.
Perhaps the solution for autism, is that we must basically pre-arrange each activity with a person, and then carry it out.
We also seem to entirely suck at "interactive", "two-way" conversation. We need "one-way" everything.
We are really just no different from a video tape, that plays from start to finish, and that's why we HATE being interrupted.
I feel like our conversation in autism, is more like, we rant at you for 30 minutes solid, you record it with an audio recorder, you go away and analyse what I've just said to you, and then you come back, with a 30 minute rant at me. And we go back and forth.
It's almost like chess players, playing this long-term chess game, where they might come back, once a week, to make a new move on the board.
This ongoing, day-to-day, two-way conversation, it just doesn't work, and leads to shouting and argument with us.
We are ridiculously slow to interpret new situations. This is why in jobs, we are best doing pre-arranged jobs which we can entirely "pre-rehearse", such as, learning the items on a menu, before applying to the restaurant.
Such as, being an actor in a play, and learning our lines, before showing up on stage.
And I also feel like, when we do get interrupted, that we should immediately "throw in the towel", and start the task all over again.
The way that we socialise, I believe, is entirely one-directional. This is not my theory. I have read this from proper sources. Autism is similar to ADHD, even narcissistic disorder, in this regard, in these long-winded, one-directional conversations.
I really do feel that, we should have one single rule for conversation, which is that, we have pre-defined, in minutes, how long I am going to talk to you. And then, if you interrupt me at all, that I will simply "eject altogether", and abandon the entire conversation.
For example, if you were in a school classroom, and one kid is calling you names, and you can hear it behind your back, with your exceptional autistic hearing, in your ears.
OK, and then, let's say, this kid at school, and he spreads rumours to the other kids, that you are a loser, and now you have 2, 3, 4, 5 kids all making fun of you, behind your back.
OK, so what is the solution here? The solution, is to leave the school classroom altogether, and not come back, until everyone stops making fun of you. You cannot do the autistic rage thing where you get angrier and angrier, and then start attacking the kids.
The solution to any and all school bullying, by the way, is to do what I just said. To literally leave the entire classroom.
Imagine if you were browsing through your files in Windows File Explorer. And you were going into a folder, and there are like 100s of files and sub-folders, and it's all so complex. And you just said, screw it, let's go back up. So you press the "up" arrow in your file explorer, and you "escape" the entire folder directory altogether.
OK, so that is what we are supposed to do, with autism and socialising.
We entered this folder, to find one specific file, and if we go 5 minutes and can't find it, and now we're forgetting why we even entered this folder at all, OK, so now we just abort the entire thing. Press "up", go back up to the directory "root" above this folder, stop what you are doing, re-collect your thoughts, and when you are ready, go back in again.
Have you ever programmed computers?
If you make just ONE error in the computer code, the entire code aborts.
You will spend the next, God damn, I don't know, 15 minutes, just looking for some semicolon that you put in the wrong place, or bracket or something.
That is autism. If we find one thing that surprises us, we really, in my opinion, have little to no "thinking skills on the spot", to figure out, "on the spot", how to correct this error.
We are, in my view, like computer code, where if there is one error, it just won't compile at all.
We are like people, if we are running a running race, and we must always come in first place. And if we are getting behind, and it looks like we have lost the race, that we just throw a tantrum, and want to restart the race all over again.
There is absolutely no point whatsoever, in telling yourself, that this is a "bad thing" and we should "change our behaviour to become more like neurotypicals".
No, no. This way of thinking is so deeply embedded in us.
I have seen autistic people married to each other in a relationship, long-term, and it is just miserable, long-term fighting, bickering, arguing, every day. The two people tug on each other, and they prevent each other doing anything without the other person's permission. They take every single attempt at breaching out into the world, and tug it down, parasitically stick to it, cling to it, hold it down, slow you down. It makes it impossible to be productive.
It doesn't so much resemble a relationship, as more like a battle in an arena. It's like the couple have gone off into their own Schizoid world, where in Schizoid Personality Disorder, it's just you, your very best friend/wife, and then the rest of the world is "blockaded out".
This is basically very dangerous, like domestic abuse, and once the relationship inevitably fails and you finally leave, it's like, you've gone decades now with no money or work skills etc.
Quite simply, the solution to autistic socialising, is to compartmentalise everything you do. Everything is just its own little thing.
Every interaction with your wife should be like a 30-minute pre-approved video tape that plays back. You pre-schedule it, you show up on time, a bit like a psychiatry webcam appointment or something.
We just don't do this sporadic, unplanned, co-operative behaviour at all. We need to be told what to do, or tell someone else what to do. But we are remarkably bad at this "interactive" social behaviour. | aspergers |
I was doing really fine for the last two months I did nofap and stopped watching anything pornographic and it worked my intrusive thoughts were essentially reduced by subjective 90% however as I was waking up I had a dream where someone touched my back and in dream talked about my obsession. I got a groinal I was so full of anxiety I was getting cold sweating and dont know what this means am I secretly attracted to this? Is it gonna start all over again? I beat myself up now literally and my face still hurts but the fear and anxiety are worse. Is this a backdoor spike or my true desire in my dream? | OCD |
I’m a 25 year old female who recently was diagnosed with PTSD and can’t accept it at all. I was in a relationship with my ex for 7 years, he was physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially abusive. He tried to kill me on 4 different occasions and caused me to black out from being strangled and attempted to drown me in our pool. He controlled my every move and isolated me from every friend and family member I had. He would tell me how worthless I was constantly, threaten to cheat on me daily, and would actively cheat on me as often as possible. He stole thousands of dollars from me and continues to stalk, harass and threaten me even after leaving over 8 months ago. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare. I thought things would get better but they haven’t. I have nightmares almost every single night about him trying to kill me and no one being able to help me. I can still remember every punch and kick he inflicted on me. I can still remember when he forced me to have sex with him as I cried for him to stop. I find it impossibly hard to be happy and don’t know how I can continue to live in such fear of him coming back to finish me off. Just wanted to get this off of my chest since I have told absolutely no one. I feel so fucking alone. | ptsd |
TW: mentions of self harm
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I have been contemplating suicide for the past 3 years and right now I’m hanging on by a string. Im addicted to cutting but i don’t want to be. If my parents see the cuts then I’m going to be sent to a psych ward, so I wanna ask what psych wards are like. I’ve heard people say it’s an awful place and some people say it’s not as bad as people say it is, please I just need to know what it’s like so I can be prepared. Thank you. | depression |
Hello! I wanted to share this because it always makes me feel better when I’m having a hard day. My ptsd is (CW) from sexual assault (CW), so hopefully it can help any of you who’ve been through the same!!❤️
The song is called S.L.U.T. By bea Miller (I’m not going to link because I know links can be scary) but you can find it on YouTube and music apps.
Because of what happened to me, I’ve had a lot of times where I feel “dirty”. Slowly I’m retraining my brain but I don’t know, something about this song gives me a sense of control💖
Stay safe!! | ptsd |
Guys my OCD has led me to alcohol addiction. I don't know how to stop because I always get so anxious and keep telling myself I need to drink. | OCD |
Hello. My biggest ocd compulsion is searching online. Spending hours a day on reddit reading ocd subreddits, googling etc. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it makes me feel much worse, so I keep on searching until I feel OK. So I have been wondering lately that if I stop this compulsion right now, if it would help. I will read your few comments here, then delete this app and never come back guys. Thank you very much for your company. | OCD |
I'm unable to properly comprehend dialogue that I hear when it is recorded, and I need captions on if I want to understand that recording and I get headaches when I don't use captions. However, I don't have this same issue when I listen to music, it is only when I am listening to someone speak, e.g. podcasts and movies. I can't find anything online that suggests that it is a common Aspergers trait. Is it just me? | aspergers |
i cant stand this anymore
this is probably the worst obsession ive had in my life. i cant stand the nightmares i have trying to stop it. i cant stand the nightmares i have when i do it. i cant stand that it takes up so much of my mental space i can barely do the things i used to do. all i can do is sit there and think about doing it, telling myself not to do it, go to bed, have a nightmare and wake up. there has to be some magical cure for this or itll never go away. medicine, anything | OCD |
(SUICIDAL IDEATION CW) god im so stupid. i was on tiktok and i always trigger myself on there but i managed to rlly fuck up. i watched this person (they were black) stitch a white girls video where they were venting abt their intrusive thoughts of saying the n word in an inappropriate manner. the person responding essentially implied that if u have those sorts of thoughts u should keep it to urself, and not talk abt it. i know thats not good, and they were both in the wrong, but ive been having such a long terrible day and honestly i just . really wanna die lol. i cant take any more of this. my thoughts are too strong. im too ashamed. i just want to fucking off myself. every time i close my eyes i see fucking minstrel shows. sometimes i cant remember what my partner looks like bc of other mental illness stuff, and my brain replaces his face w stereotypical offensive imagery. (hes black, its why my intrusive thoughts are so heavily focused on antiblack racism) like i cant do this anymore. i tried exposure therapy and its been months it hasnt worked for this. god i wanna be dead | OCD |
For so long I tried not to give a reason to validate my self-hating thoughts. If I dressed nice, presented myself cleanly then I would know for sure my thoughts were all lies. I was overcompensating to overcome these thoughts. But I was actually feeding into it more and more in order to get relief from these thoughts. It's so fucked up. I've been doing this for as long as I could remember..for at least 20 years now. | OCD |
"Here it comes. Another story." I can't seem to give short answers. I give a whole story. My friends have said, you could have just said no or you're not interested. I didn't need to know all that or want to know all that. Basically TMI is right next to my name. | aspergers |
Hello.
You may not know me. You don't know my whole story. Well I thought I'd share something to bring something to the table. So here is my story.
My name is Dan. I'm 27 years old currently unemployed and I myself have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm not going to sugar coat it- its been really difficult trying to function in a neurotypical society. Especially when I would feel like a major outcast. No matter where it was- I just could not fit in. To the point where I stopped caring about fitting in. Because quite honestly its too much to deal with.
Growing up I tried my hardest to make friends which is so much effort to do. Unfortunately most other kids, some of of my teachers and even my family would questioned me for not being "normal". I would act oddly to them because the idea of someone different was like a unicorn to them. Some have noticed I was acting odd but never once came to talk to me.
As a kid, I was sheltered and combine Asperger's with depression and anxiety made Dan here a combination of darkness, isolation, and uncertainty. A lot of people truly didn't get me or even tried to understand me. Some called me weird. Several people claimed I lacked empathy. No matter where I went I always felt outcasted. Even people who I thought were 'friends' only hung out with me out of pity. I didn't want pity. I simply wanted to feel like I had something going for me.
Right now I'm a broken compass- totally lost with no other direction but up. I hopefully can get better and I hope my story can help you guys understand how hard its been.
Cheers always,
Dan | aspergers |
Has anyone ever experienced this? Some of the most fucked up/disturbing things as I'm reaching climax/orgasm. They typically go away post orgasm, but reach a fever pitch as I cum.
Super fucked up. It makes me not want to orgasm.
Anyone else relate? | OCD |
physically cannot focus on my schoolwork because it is so overwhelming. I keep getting distracted and do housework instead.
I unfortunately do not have any medication, but when I can get some, I have to be resourceful with it. But thinking about the amount of work I have to get done makes me anxious and feeling hopeless.
What can I do to help me accomplish my schoolwork? | ADHD |
I generally have good or enlightening sessions … I definitely was obsessing over a few things today, past and present (or so my brain sometimes tricks me into thinking)… so I thought that could be it … my counselor tried to get to the root of my thoughts and now I feel like 10x worse. Ugh
I keep telling myself this is all part of reliving but another part of me wants to go with my gut and just hideaway in a little hole somewhere lol… Does this happen to anyone else? How do you deal?
Here’s to hoping a hot shower and treating myself to sushi will help! 🤞🏽 😖🤪 | ptsd |
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