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You know I'm a vegetarian. | But you're on vacation, honey. I'm not wearing my wedding ring! |
Ah, si? | Does that include tip? |
Excuse me, Americans... | How did you know?! |
I feel so European. | Mine keeps disappearing. Oh, well. |
I feel so European. | I hope they're goin' somewhere good. |
Here you go. | Sweet. Sweet! SWEET! |
Here you go. | Ahhh... |
Just one, and it's across town. | Taxi! |
My American friend, I'm afraid that this is a kidnapping. | So that means I don't have to pay the fare. |
I suppose. | Woo hoo! |
I'm afraid you don't appreciate the seriousness of the situation. | Fine. Take me, but let the boy go. |
All right family, who can guess what's different about dinner tonight? | Eh, same old garbage! |
Oh, you two! We're eating genetically modified vegetables! Look how big they are. | This corn doesn't look so big. |
That's baby corn. | What?! |
I gotta admit, I-I'm kinda nervous, here. We haven't seen Barney since they enveloped him. | I'm sure he'll turn up. Look, here's one of his buttons. |
Homer, I'm very uncomfortable having a gang of crows in our bedroom. | It's a murder, honey. A group of crows is called a murder. |
I'm sleeping on the couch. | Drop it in, don't cram it in. Oh, forget it, I'll do it myself. |
I'm sleeping on the couch. | Awww, look, Maggie wants to fly too. |
Caw! Caw! | We'll get to that. Right now, I think we need some time apart-- |
Caw! Caw! Caw! | All right, that's it. Shoo, you stupid crows! Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! |
Caw! Caw! Caw! | That is not a worm. |
Don't be mad at the crows, Homer. They weren't trying to blind you. They were just trying to drink your sweet, sweet eye juices. | Hm, fascinating. Say doctor, can you do something about my searing pain? |
Well, there is a medication, although it's a little... controversial. | Does it go in the butt? |
I'm talkin' about medicinal marijuana. Prescription pot. Texas T-H-C. | Look, man. I don't do drugs. |
Homer, for your eyes, the best tonic is chronic. You're not afraid, are you? | I had a bad experience with drugs... |
Smell any drugs, Sgt. Scraps? | For me, the sixties ended that day in nineteen seventy-eight. |
But Homer, you can't let a single bad experience scare you away from drugs. | But isn't marijuana, or "dope," illegal? |
It smells like the art teacher's office. | SMOKE ON THE WATER / DOO DOO DOO DOO / DOO DOO DOO DOO / DOO DOO DOO / DOO DOO |
And now I'm guilty of possession! I could go to prison! Unless I testify against you... | Marge, it's making my eyes better, and it's legal. |
And now I'm guilty of possession! I could go to prison! Unless I testify against you... | I could walk up to the President and blow smoke in his stupid monkey face and he'd just have to sit there groovin' on it. |
Hello? | Marge, I just realized: I am the "ow" in the word "now". And if you tell anyone... |
Hello? | Hey, it's me. I got Marge on the other line and she is totally bumming me out. |
Dad, I thought you didn't like her saxophone. | I didn't. But now Daddy's special medicine... |
Dad, I thought you didn't like her saxophone. | Which you must never use because it will ruin your life, lets Daddy see and hear magical things you will never experience. Ever. |
Dad, it's one a.m. And I'm out of saliva. | Sh-sh-sh. |
Hidilly-hey, Homer! | Oh my God, this dude does the best Flanders! You got the mustache and the didilly... Okay, now do Wiggum. |
Homer, i-i-it's me, Ned. | Oh-ho-ho-ho right, the God dude. Hey, I got a question for you. |
Homer, i-i-it's me, Ned. | "Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot, that He Himself could not eat it?" |
Well, sir, of course He could... but then again... Wow, as melon-scratchers go, that's a honey-doodle. | Now you know what I've been goin' through. |
Well, luckily, I've got a book right here that's jam-packed with answers. | Oh man, this is long. Could you read it to me? |
"...The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people. The End." | Wow. Wow. God does so much for me. And he doesn't ask anything in return. |
Well, I know he's wishin' you'd sign his petition...to re-criminalize medicinal marijuana. | Done and done. Now, do Wiggum. |
Well, okay... I, I guess it would go something like this: All right, Simpson, you're under arrest, see? | I said Wiggum! |
Smithers, I need someone who laughs at all my jokes. You know, honest feedback. | Oops! I thought this was the can, man. |
Well, you're a Happy Homer. What's your name, young man? | You just said it! |
Oh Smithers, I would have said anything to get your stem cells. Now, welcome aboard. | You're covered with a very fine fuzz. |
Where did you get that suit? | Whoa, whoa, one question at a time. Yes, you? |
Look, I'm really starting to worry. There's half-eaten cupcakes everywhere, we're all out of paperclips, and the curtains smell like doob! | Oh, yeah? Well, I've got news for you. I just got promoted and it's all thanks to "Yes-I-cannabis." |
Look, I'm really starting to worry. There's half-eaten cupcakes everywhere, we're all out of paperclips, and the curtains smell like doob! | We have a kitchen?! |
You mutton heads, this is why we can never hold down a job! | Look at Shemp! He is so high! |
Whoa-ho-ho-ho. Hey, "Shemp" is "hemp" spelled backwards. | And "Otto" is "Otto" backwards. |
Homie, I don't mean to nag, but what does this have to do with healing your eyes? | As soon as I graduate, I am so outta here. |
This just in: the Marijuana Re-Criminalization Initiative took another step forward today as supporters collected the final signatures required to place it on the ballot for next Tuesday's election. | We gotta get out and stop that initiative. Marge, I'm gonna need ten thousand veggie burritos. |
Thank you. And now, a man who's a real poth-ead ... I'm sorry, pothead... Homer Simpson! | Good afternoon. I want to thank you all for coming down here, taking time off from your jobs... |
/ Jobs? / What? | 'Cause we need to keep medical marijuana legal! |
/ Yes! Yes! | Whether you suffer from glaucoma, or you just rented "The Matrix," medical marijuana can make things fabulous. Medically. |
/ Yes! Yes! | So my mellow fellow citizens, when you go into that voting booth on Tuesday the seventh... |
What are we gonna do? | Well, we can't just stand here staring at our hands. |
What are we gonna do? | Although, wow! |
Homie, you don't need drugs anymore. Your eyes are all better. | Eyes? What the hell are you talkin' about? |
Homer, it's over. I want you to look at your children and promise them you will never do drugs again. | All right. I'll do it for my kids. |
As long as you're doin' things for me, would you tie up your bathrobe when you walk around the house. | Never! |
Yeah, I can still crash here, right? | Get out. |
Remember when I dropped my keys and, and you thought the phone was ringin'? | Oh, yeah. Get out. |
What's the matter, Homer? You're drunk but you're not like sloppy drunk. | Going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds. |
Dad, you just said that three minutes ago. | Unregardless, I will no longer be a slave to this. |
Why are you keeping that thing? | As a reminder, Marge. |
Why are you keeping that thing? | Y'ello. |
Ahoy-hoy, executive V.P. I'm putting the final touches on my speech to the investors and I need your generous guffaws. | But I can't find you funny anymore. |
I'm going to take a bathiola. When I come back, you'd better be laughing. | This stuff can make anything funny... even the show that follows Friends. But I promised my family I wouldn't smoke it anymore. |
I'm going to take a bathiola. When I come back, you'd better be laughing. | Start inhalin', Waylon. |
This suit used to belong to Judy Garland. Ah, we could sing a song if you don't mind being Mickey Rooney. | You mean that guy on 60 Minutes who yells all the time? |
Oh, Mr. Burns! You were too beautiful for this world. | Oh, man. Oh, man. We killed Mr. Burns. Mr. Burns is gonna be so mad. |
The investors' meeting is in twenty minutes. | So what? Mr. Burns is dead. |
two, what's that red stuff coming out of your ear? | Mr. Burns, may I field that one? |
two, what's that red stuff coming out of your ear? | It's true we're losing money... |
two, what's that red stuff coming out of your ear? | But there's no reason we can't dance, dance, dance the night away. |
What are you doing here anyway? | Waiting for my wife. She has a surprise for me. |
Hey, hey, hey. I didn't ask for your life story. | Did you say "life story"? |
Hey, hey, hey. I didn't ask for your life story. | Things started out great. I ate what my mother ate. And my mother loved chili. Then, suddenly: |
Wow, tell me some more. | Don't you have criminals to catch? |
Now, where were we? | My father and I were never really close. |
Now, where were we? | I never found true happiness until I met Marge. |
Now, where were we? | And life just gets more exciting. |
Now, where were we? | Then came the day that changes every couple forever. The day we got our elephant. |
Now, where were we? | While I wait for my family, I'll tell you about the time my baby shot my boss. |
Yeah. Hop in, Homer. | Ah, the family car... we've been through a lot together... |
Now before we get there, you have to put this blindfold on. | All my other senses are getting sharper. Bart, you had pizza for lunch. Lisa, you're extremely depressed. |
Hey Homer, do you remember this voice? | Kathleen Turner! |
Where tonight we're roasting you, Homer Simpson! | Are the proceeds going to charity? |
Hell no. | Woo hoo! |
Excellent. | That was at my expense. What kind of a roast is this? |
Now everyone knows Homer loves his family... | I'm sick of your lies. Secrets and lies. It's always secrets and lies. |
We will not destroy the Earth...one condition. | You name it. |
Hm, all I need is one classic character... | Stupid lawn chair! |
Hm, all I need is one classic character... | Come on... unfold you... |
Hm, all I need is one classic character... | Ow! |
Hey... | This'll teach that stupid chair. I'm on fire! Oh, I hope no one's drawing this. Ow! |
Don't you hate carpet stores that charge extra for the under-padding? | I hate them so much! |
Instead, we bring you "The Boring World of Niels Bohr." | My ice cream sandwich! Then where the hell's the remote?! |
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