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Oh man, I can't wear this. I look like Buster Brown, whoever that is. | Oh-ho-ho, you look adorable, Lisa. |
Hey, you should see how much trouble Dad's having shaving with a straight razor. | Finally, I'm no longer a slave to the Gillette Corporation. |
Hey, you should see how much trouble Dad's having shaving with a straight razor. | Why, it says here that President Cleveland has... |
Well, okay. Blow out that lamp and I'll take off my Victorian undergarments. | All right, let's take that... |
If you just... | This comes off. |
No! | All right, let's see what we've got here. |
They're gay, I get it. | You've been in there over an hour, boy! Other people have to confess too, you know. Oh, I can't hold it in. I hate this house! |
Yeah, I can't wait to see which one of 'em dies first. | Look, we can't give up. We're on TV. And when you're on TV, you dig in your claws and you never let go. Just like Bill Moyers! |
With all this hard work, I'm too tired to worry about the world. And soon I will marry one of father's wealthy business associates! | Oh, I wish you would reconsider the proposal of Hiram Beatwife. |
I guess the network made our show more exciting by dumping the house in a river. | Marge! Throw me an old-timey rope in an old-timey way! |
Mr. Simpson, your contract allows us to do anything we want to you. | I would never sign that! Unless there was a red sticker that said "sign here." |
Uh-huh, that's what we used. | Where do you get those things anyway? |
Oh no, everything's ruined. Our good bellows... our stereopticon... Squiggy! Homer, your strop! Your strop! | Our lives are ruined! |
We're not allowed to interfere with the reality of the show, which reminds me... Burn the leftovers! Leave nothing! | I can't remember the last time I cried like this. |
When you put your T-shirt on backwards? | Oh, yes! The tag chafed my throat! Let's go eat some bugs. |
Psst! Psst! | Savages! I'll handle this, Marge. |
Psst! Psst! | We come in peace. We takem your land. |
But now we're going to escape. We're going to overpower your crew and return to civilization. | Wow. Marge, I think I figured out their primitive language! |
And yet I've learned nothing. | And now to wreck their precious helicopter. |
No, Homer, no! That's our only way home! | Yeah, but... okay... Oh... |
No, Homer, no! That's our only way home! | That Lenny sure had a crazy apartment. |
Oh, it sure is good to be home. | No more reality shows for us. Let's watch some quality scripted television. |
I think I'm gonna be sick. | That's it! TV was the one good thing in my life and now I can't enjoy it any more. |
Yeah. If we read books we could form a club. | If we formed a club we could serve drinks. |
Hey Dad, why don't we watch you drink from a hose? | Good idea, Lisa. |
Hey Dad, why don't we watch you drink from a hose? | Hm, the water's off. I'll use my eye to see what the trouble is. |
Hey Dad, why don't we watch you drink from a hose? | Hm, off again. Maybe I can hear what's going on. |
Hey Dad, why don't we watch you drink from a hose? | So, this has become a game of wits, has it? |
Hey Dad, why don't we watch you drink from a hose? | Perhaps my other eye will get to the bottom of this. |
No one will ever know. | Mail call! |
Anything good? | The "George Foreman Mail Sorter" will let us know. |
Anything good? | "Your family is invited to a free weekend at Stagnant Springs Spa." |
Help, please! Someone throw me a stick! | Don't struggle. You'll only sink faster. |
Ha, ha, ha. Go ahead, look. The whole world already saw it in "Nudist Camp Commandant." I wore nothing! | "Do not use steam room if you are overweight or have a heart condition." |
Ha, ha, ha. Go ahead, look. The whole world already saw it in "Nudist Camp Commandant." I wore nothing! | Wait a minute, I'm not wearing a shirt! |
Who ordered the steamed Gentile? | Mmm, steamed Gentile. |
Don't worry, us pigs will catch this killer. Now Mr. Simpson, is it possible you're living a double or triple life that your wife doesn't know about? | Triple, no. Definitely no. |
Now I will need round-the-clock access to all the Simpsons, especially Bart. | Well then, you might as well stay with us. We serve the same meat the prisons do! |
Fair enough. But now that we know what it can do, there's no need to... Mother F...! | Wow, you don't even have to point it at him. |
Homer, think carefully. Of all the people you have known, who might have reason to do you ill? | Hmm... Well, there's Mr. Burns, Fat Tony, The Emperor of Japan, ex-President Bush. |
The late Frank Grimes... | PBS, Stephen Hawking, the fat little Dixie Chick... |
How can one ordinary man have so many enemies? | I'm a people person. Who drinks. |
Homer, in order to identify your assailant, I must follow you through the course of a normal day. Just do what you usually do and the killer will reveal himself. | Gotcha. |
This is a normal day? | I just wanted to impress you. |
Welcome to your Springfield Mardi Gras headquarters. Cast your vote now for this year's king! | Mardi Gras, eh? Didn't last year's king have to abdicate because he married a commoner? |
Our time is passing, old friend. | Uh, if you two country hens are finished clucking, I'd like to buy a copy of Jugs and Ammo. |
Well, we've settled that argument. You can't read a magazine and drive. | Look, Junior. I expect this to be fixed with quality GM parts. |
But your car was built in Croatia. It's made from old Soviet tanks. | Just fix it, Mr. Sasswrench. |
Homer please, the last thing you need is more enemies. | Right, right. I'm countin' the pennies in the ashtray. There's two! |
The trap is set. The killer will think this dummy is you, out for an evening stroll. Now we lie in wait, like hungry Cassius for noble Caesar. | You're so smart. Shock him. |
Now who's the sociopath? Huh? | Moe! He's got a dark side I've never dreamed of. |
Thank you, Lord. | Once I kill you everyone will think I'm the real Homer! |
I'd just come up behind him with a knife and slit his throat real quick-like. | Guys, Bob is my only hope. Back off and give him some room to think. |
Listen Homer, I don't know who your killer is, but I do know he'll strike again. Your only hope is to stay completely out of sight. | Very well. I am gone! |
Listen Homer, I don't know who your killer is, but I do know he'll strike again. Your only hope is to stay completely out of sight. | Don't look at me! |
Homer Simpson? | Right here. |
You've been elected King of Mardi Gras! | Woo hoo! Good things do happen to bad people! |
Honey, the king of Mardi Gras has to ride around on a float all day. You'll be a sitting duck. | Marge, you're embarrassing me in front of the drag queen. |
Homer, it's a trap. You only won because somebody stuffed the ballot box with these. | Nonetheless, the people have spoken. |
But I'm afraid you'll get hurt. | Marge, this is a way to flush this killer out once and for all -- and get drunk on a Tuesday. |
Today's Tuesday and you've had six beers. | But I'm not drunk! |
The killer is out there. I would stake my entire fortune of cigarettes on it. | Now Bob, I know you're concerned, but don't worry. I have operatives working the crowd. |
Homer, you must get off that float! The brake line has been cut! | Oh my God! Attention drunken idiots: this is your king! Sacrifice yourselves to slow me down! |
Hey, how 'bout some beads? | They're not for dudes! |
Must... save... buffoon. | I did it! |
Must... save... buffoon. | You saved my life! |
I've saved a life... and it feels wonderful. And yet, I could just as easily drop you to your death. | Don't be so sure. I've got my legs wrapped around your ass pretty tight. |
Everything going dark... like Duff Stout, the beer that made Ireland famous. I love you, Doris! I... | We're up so high. Where could that shot have come from? |
There's your killer! | Well, duh. |
There's your killer! | Your king needs these stilts! |
Jesus is our only King. | Not anymore! |
Frank Grimes, Junior. | Frank Grimes... |
Don't you remember? Your ape-like incompetence drove my father insane. | Frank Grimes... |
What's this? "Extremely High Voltage". Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer Simp-- | Oh yeah. How is old Grimey? |
He's dead, like you should be! | Whoa, wait. Frank Grimes wasn't married. How could he have a son? |
Dad! I figured it out! The murderer is... | We know. Frank Grimes, Jr. |
Dad, I'm really glad you're still alive. | Yeah, it's every parent's dream to outlive their children. Goodnight, son. |
THE VERY REASON THAT I LIVE / IS PLOTTING HOW TO WATCH HIM DIE... | Bart! Turn down that original cast recording and go to sleep! |
But I'm not tired! | Goodnight, sleepyhead. Do you have to poop? |
Hey, I only hung out with Krabappel because Skinner blew her off. I've never seen her so sad. | You know what made me feel better about myself? That award I got for World's Greatest Dad. |
And you only wanted those as bait to catch gummy fish. | Which I did. |
And you only wanted those as bait to catch gummy fish. | Mm... trophy. |
Nope. | Disney World? |
Sorry, Grampa. | Gator Gulch? |
Grampa, you're not even going. | Wait a minute... I know where we're going... Oh, it's horrible... |
Ewww. | Let's go make some fireworks of our own. |
I get to tamp the powder! | I wouldn't have it any other way. |
This woman carried me for nine and a half months. I was out for two weeks, then went back in. | Hey Skinner! Do you and Edna want to join Marge and me at "Great Moments With Mr. Eisner"? |
I believe the only venue for me is the ride of broken dreams. | Oh, you mean the Enron ride. Let's go. |
So many categories... Gym teacher of the year, Substitute teacher of the year, Most Wheelchair-Accessible School Award? | Who will take home The Rampy? |
I love teachers. In fact, I'm a teacher. I taught Paul McCartney to go "Whoo!" | Purple Rain! |
Shut up! | Michael Jackson just told me to shut up! |
Julio Estudiante...an inner-city math teacher who taught teenage gang members that differential equations are more powerful than bullets. | What a rip! You all should be ashamed! |
I love happy endings. | Well, here's ours. We're going to Disney World! |
Step away from the wall. Step away from the wall. | Oh, it's so beautiful. |
Step away from the wall. Step away from the wall. | One churro, please. |
That'll be fourteen dollars. | Here! |
Mom, Dad, my birthday's coming up, and GirlTech Turbo Diaries are in stores now. | Lisa, nobody likes a shill. |
Just buy me the friggin' toy. | I love that little shill. Let's get her that diary. |
Dad, you can't eat all those free samples. We've got to get Lisa's present. | Watch and learn. |
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