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Uh, say, "Jesus," what was the name of the son of Zachariah? | It was... um... do you have a computer nearby? |
Hm, I wonder if it's theses. | Ew, that's gross. |
Homie, I think it's an eviction notice. We're gonna be homeless, like Lucille Ball in "The Stone Pillow"! | Don't worry, Marge. |
Homie, I think it's an eviction notice. We're gonna be homeless, like Lucille Ball in "The Stone Pillow"! | According to this chapter book, we have a secret weapon: "Evictee will be granted a stay of eviction if said household includes a resident aged sixty-five or over." Finally, a practical use for my father. |
What's the catch? | I'm using you! |
For what? | My own devices! |
int. Simpsons house - living room - days later) | Will you kids knock it off? I'm trying to watch badminton! |
Right, 'cause I wouldn't want to be gay like my heroes Billie Jean King, Susan Sontag, Sappho of Lesbos, and, I suspect, Peppermint Patty... | Well, I guess we can take a quick walk. We'll keep Grampa occupied with this DVD of Dwight Eisenhower talking about golf. |
We know, Dad. We were there. | I know it seems that way, because I'm such a vivid storyteller. Now here's another story called "Bart's Mistake." We were walking home when |
We know, Dad. We were there. | How could this have happened? |
Flanders feeds me people food! | Well, I can't compete with that! |
Oh my God. We're out on the street! | Honey, don't cry. It could be worse -- at least it's not raining! |
Oh my God. We're out on the street! | See, I told you, it's not raining. So we're just homeless. |
But kicking is the only toy I have. | That's not true. You have bug bites you can scratch. |
Well, hasn't this been a peach of a breach! We'll see you in court. | Oh, Flanders, I promise I'll never abuse our friendship again. |
It's okay if you backslide a little. | Never! Hooray for Stupid Flanders! |
I'm gonna see it first! | No, I'm gonna see it first! |
Hit the road, ya big load! | My space toy! |
For years... for years... | I finally feel like part of a family! |
You guys have treated me like a princess. Every day's been like the first ten minutes of Mother's Day! | You just rest those rods and coddle those cones -- everything's taken care of. |
Dad! Come in the kitchen! Quick! | Is there any other way to enter a kitchen? |
Wha-- | Great time to nap, Einstein! |
Look at that -- one of God's discarded miracles. | Catholics! |
Any child left here will be cared for by the Sisters of St. Teresa. Why would you leave such a beautiful baby on our doorstep? | 'Cause she was fighting my dog and stealing my poison. Now give her back so I can take her home to my rat-infested house! |
No. The poor dear is right where she belongs. God help you, sir! | Come on, lady, have a heart. I screwed up! I'm sure your husband does stupid things sometimes! |
I'm married to Jesus! | Kids, I have to tell your Mom I lost Maggie. |
Wait, I have an idea! One of us can go undercover as a nun and infiltrate the convent. | Oh no, oh no, ohhh no. There is no way Homer Simpson's gonna put on a dress and act like a nun. |
Homie, I haven't held Maggie all day. Can you hand her to me? | Um... No problem, sweetie. |
Hm. You're not usually this greedy. | Cool it -- she's getting suspicious. |
Maybe I'm just being selfish. I don't know. | No, Marge. You're the most giving person I know. Besides, i gave them another gem child to sit on their precious throne. |
You told me we were gonna pick up trash by the freeway! | You told me something, but I wasn't listening! |
I'm sorry for fibbing. Tell you what -- if you don't like it, you can complain all the way home. | Fair enough! Kids, let's practice. |
I'm sorry for fibbing. Tell you what -- if you don't like it, you can complain all the way home. | Mi-mi-mi-miiiii! |
Well that sucked! / There's a day we'll never get back! / I was so bored. | That was good, but Lisa, you're still complaining from your throat, not your diaphragm. |
What is that soothing sound? | Maybe it's beef stew! |
What is that soothing sound? | Hot tubs! |
What is that soothing sound? | Guys, what's it like? |
Getting a back rub from an orgasm. | I want to buy your fanciest hot tub! |
Oh, you mean the "YouSoup 5000." | Please, can I get it, Marge? Please? Please? |
Wait a minute, who am I pleading with? | Beats me. / I'unno. / Please, please, please! |
Maybe we should get out now. | Interesting proposal. Now with an opposing point of view: bubbles. |
Hey, cool your jets! We're trying to get to sleep! | Hey, Flanders! Why don't you join us? Afraid you'll get your moustache wet? |
One of us should go look at it. | Hmm. Probably a reminder to relax more. |
The thing is, I ain't got much life left to live. And a wasted day like today is one I know I'll never get back. | Oh Dad, I never knew you had dreams, or emotions. |
Well, there are a few things I was hopin' to do before I become dust in a jar. | Whoa, whoa, whoa, who said anything about a jar? |
Anyway, I made a list. | Okay... "Pitch in the Negro Leagues," I can think of at least two problems with that... can't read that one, my thumb's over it... |
Anyway, I made a list. | "Have one more beer at O'Flanagan's Pub..." We'll do that one! |
That's right. Now let's make our reservations. | Lousy old man -- makin' me look up at an airplane! |
Everyone got jobs, that's what happened. | Sir, I brought my father thousands of miles just to drink at your bar. |
D'ye mean it? Look, don't toy with an old man's heart, now. | Gimme a beer and a shot of whiskey! |
THIS IS THE LIFE IN IRE-LAND... | You okay, Dad? |
So Long, suckers! | Well, Dad, was there anything on your list about being cheated by an Irishman? |
Never heard of half this stuff! This brandy is fifty years old. Better toss it. | Hey, boyo -- how about a tall cool one? How about you, Greensleeves? Irishmen love to get drunk. |
I'm in A.A. | Who are you, stuttering Fonzie? What about you, bicycle pants? |
I'm late for a teleconference with Hong Kong, ya fat gob! | Why you... |
I'm late for a teleconference with Hong Kong, ya fat gob! | Uh-oh. |
I'm late for a teleconference with Hong Kong, ya fat gob! | Our first sale! |
I'm late for a teleconference with Hong Kong, ya fat gob! | Our first refund. |
Sorry, but smokin' in pubs ain't part of the new Ireland. Also, you can't text while driving. | Yeah, look at 'em crowding the bar! There's Sully, and Mack, Jimmy D. and Jimmy B.! What can I get ya, boys -- the usual? |
Sorry, but smokin' in pubs ain't part of the new Ireland. Also, you can't text while driving. | We are so screwed! |
Bite your tongue! That will never, ever happen! | Well, we need help. Someone who can make money with a bar that has no customers and zero charm. |
No, it's how you fly coach on Delta now. | Moe, something terrible has happened! The Irish have become hardworking and sober! |
Homer and his Da! | Well, "Da," it looks like all your "der" have come "ter." |
So, it's escapin' you're thinkin' of, then? | I can't tell if those are questions or statements. |
Son, this was all my fault. You were just trying to make an old man happy. | Don't worry, Dad. We'll get out. America is the New York Yankees of countries -- powerful and respected until the year two thousand. |
Oh son, you know how I love a good analogy. | It was apt. |
The Parson?! He's coming here? | Oh my God, she fainted! Let's go get smelling salts! |
The Parson?! He's coming here? | Suckers! |
Well, I'm afraid that joyous occasion fell during a time when I wasn't actually a minister. Uh, since that time, you two have not been legally wed. | You don't get it, Padre. My old lady and I have a thing goin' on. We don't need a piece of paper to keep it real. |
Who are you calling an old lady? | I need that paper quick! |
Yeah, instead of exhausted zombies running down the clock. | Why you little bastard... |
This isn't the most romantic place to get married. | Sweetie, any place I'm marrying you is the most romantic place in the world. |
Hello? | Hello. It's me, Lance Romance. |
Hello? | Your first mission is to look out the window. |
Homer, what's going on? The violin, pants with a crease, why? | Marge, you deserve a wedding day that unlike our children, was planned in advance. So -- will you marry me -- in style? |
Oh yes, Homer! Yes! | Did you hear that, Santa? She said yes! Yes! Now, back to your cold, airless tomb. |
Well, the last time I checked, pirates weren't gay. | How'd you check?! |
That's for a child's birthday. We're going to get this one. | Maybe we could bury the rocket ship inside the cake. And that would be a big surprise because I'd forget about it pretty quick. |
No rockets! You can pick the frosting. | Chocolate. |
All right, people, I want every table to have two baskets of bread but only one plate of butter -- that will stimulate conversation. | What if we... |
There is no "we" in wedding! | But there is, Marge! The first two letters... |
I can't believe you told Lenny and Carl they could bring dates! 'Cause they're not even coming to the wedding! | Why not? |
Because their R.S.V.P. cards arrived one day after the deadline! | Marge, uh, maybe you should take a break from wedding planning. I think you're becoming a... Bridezilla. |
You're going to be here a while. | But I have to marry Marge! |
As of now, your pathetic little life means nothing. | Just so you know, you're making a pretty bad first impression. |
To remove that chain, you need the key to the lock. | You idiot! How am I ever going to find the key to the... ooh, here it is! |
To remove that chain, you need the key to the lock. | To get the key I have to lick through a lollipop? Oh, how awful. |
To remove that chain, you need the key to the lock. | What the? |
The lollipop is made of hot sauce. | Whose side are you on? |
...fun with fire ants? | What's fun about fire ants? They're-- Oh, you're being sarcastic. |
Wow, you're the smartest guy in that room. | Thank you, that's very... More sarcasm. |
Wow, you're the smartest guy in that room. | Just see that my fiancée Marge gets this -- my wedding vows. |
Wow, you're the smartest guy in that room. | Marge! Moe and Maya are here for a double date. |
Wow, you're the smartest guy in that room. | Marge, I hope this day is as perfect for you, as the day we met was for me. You always find the one grain of sugar in the salt shaker that is I. With each marriage I get a little better -- maybe after a thousand, I'll be worthy of you. |
Wow, you're the smartest guy in that room. | I miss you. I miss the kids. God help me, I even miss your sisters. |
He's right here. | I'm not sure what happened. I was kidnapped, then tortured, then I fell into a surprisingly sound sleep. When I awoke, I felt refreshed. Then I was blindfolded, and two sobbing trolls threw me out of a van onto our lawn. |
I'm just happy you're back. Now let's get that chain off you. | Won't it dry up in a few days and fall off in the bath? |
And with the inking and application of this stamp, you are officially married. Next! | I'm sorry, honey. I wanted so badly to give you a fancy wedding. |
Just what I always wanted. | A rocket ship wedding cake -- just what I always wanted! |
Oh, ya hate to see this. | I love to see this! |
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