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Well, to cheer you up I rented a couple of videos. "Boxing's Greatest Weigh-Ins" and "Yentl". | Yentl? Whuzzat? |
It deals with a bookish young woman's efforts to enter Rabbinical school. | Sounds great! |
What's going on here? Oh, Yentl. I might have known. | That Yentl puts the "she" in Yeshiva. |
Hmmm, well, you've cooled down. | That's what you think . |
You know, I rented another tape... in case you felt better. | "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules." |
With Norman Fell as Zeus! | Woo hoo! |
I can't. The beans'll burn. | Homercles cares not for beans. |
I can't. The beans'll burn. | Hi, kids. How was Duff Gardens? |
How do you do it, Homer? | You take an ordinary bed sheet, fold it around like this... |
Homer, we're going to my sisters'! Remember, pick up Bart! | I'm on my way! |
Homer, we're going to my sisters'! Remember, pick up Bart! | What'd ya say, Marge? |
After sixteen glorious seasons, the Green Bay faithful bid farewell to Bryan Bartlett Starr. | Hmm, I keep thinking I'm forgetting something. |
Hey Homie, I can see your doodle! | Shut up, Flanders. |
He called you a bad father. | Marge, when kids these days say bad, they mean good. And to shake your booty means to wiggle one's butt. Permit me to demonstrate. |
Homer, do you have an explanation for this bill? | It's that record club. The first nine were only a penny. Then they jacked up the price! It's not fair, it's not fair I tells ya. |
No, no. Someone made three hundred dollars worth of phone calls to something called "The Corey hotline." | Wasn't me. |
Dad, can I... | Yeah, yeah, yeah. |
Nah, his game was blackjack. He bet our life savings on a single hand. | Hit me. |
Twenty. | Hit me. |
Twenty-one. | Hit me. |
Father-son picnic. | Have a good time! Wait a minute. |
Bart, I could kiss you, if the Bigger Brothers hadn't made me sign a form promising I wouldn't. No one needs me more than a child with your tragic upbringing. Now, let's set down at that Frogurt stand. | So that's it! |
Playing with Milhouse. | No, you haven't! You've been out gallivanting around with that floozy of a bigger brother of yours! Haven't you, haven't you. Look at me. |
Dad, it just kinda happened. You're taking this too hard. | How would you like me to take it? "Go ahead, Bart, have your fun, I'll be waiting for you?" I'm sorry, I can't do it. |
And what are your reasons for wanting a little brother? | Uh... Revenge. |
And what are your reasons for wanting a little brother? | What the? |
Any of these boys would be thrilled to have a bigger brother like you. | Ugly... wiener... crater face... Soo-ee! Soo-ee!... |
Any of these boys would be thrilled to have a bigger brother like you. | Ehhh, maybe this was a mistake. |
Do you have a bigger brother for me yet? Okay. I'll be back in an hour. | I'll take him! Do you have him in blonde? |
Just like Oscar the Grouch. | Pepi! |
Poppa Homer! | Son, your life is gonna get better -- starting now. |
Your son Bart sounds very bad. | Oh, he is. |
Your son Bart sounds very bad. | Son, I just want you to know I love you very much. |
Shaddap! | Mmm... grapefruit. |
Why does it stop there? | Because it's a stupid piece of junk! |
Why does it stop there? | Well, I'd better get you home. |
Why does it stop there? | What's the matter? |
Tell me more! I want to know all the constellations! | Well, there's... Jerry, the cowboy. And that big dipper-looking thing is Alan... the cowboy. |
Oh, Poppa Homer, you are so learned. | "Learned," son, it's pronounced "learned." |
I love you, Poppa Homer. | I love you too, Pepsi. |
Pepi. | Pepi. |
Hey, Homer, have you seen my skateboard? | I gave it to Pepi. |
Who the hell is Pepi? | He's my little brother. That's right -- you're not the only one who can abuse a non-profit organization. |
Who needs you? Tom's a better father than you ever were. | Come on, Bart. We had our fun. Remember when I used to push you on the swing? |
I was faking it. | Liar! |
Oh yeah? Remember this? "Higher, Dad, higher!... Whee, whee... Push harder, Dad!..." | Stop it. Stop it. Stop it! |
Is that true? | No. |
Is that true? | Come 'n' get it. Woo! Heh, heh, heh. Come `n get it. Woo! Heh, heh, heh. Stupid dolphin. |
Is that true? | Hey! |
Is that true? | He's got my hotdog! |
Is that true? | Oh... it's you. So, you're looking well. |
Come on, Bart. You know better than to talk to strangers. | For your information, I'm his father! |
His father? The drunk and gambler? | That's right. And who might you be? |
Uh... Homer? | Oh. Right. |
Another beer, Dad? | Thanks, son. |
Will you teach me how to do that? | Sure, boy. |
Will you teach me how to do that? | First, you gotta shriek lika a woman, and keep sobbing till he turns away in disgust. That's when it's time to kick some back. |
Will you teach me how to do that? | And then when he's lying on the ground... |
Yeah. | Kick him in the ribs... |
Yeah. | Step on his neck, and run like hell. |
And this is for my Huggy Bug in honor of this special day. | Happy... Valentine's Day! |
Ah, thank you, dear. | Woo hoo! |
I'll bet you have a lot of things planned, eh Dad? | Uh, kind of. Nobody makes a big deal out of Valentine's Day. |
Hey, Dad. Why don't you give Mom her present? | What a nice idea, son. It's uh, upstairs on the second floor of our house. I'll just go get it. |
One hundred dollars. | What? That's highway robbery! I won't pay it! |
Ohh, I think you will. | Forget it, pal! |
La da de / La da da... La da dum da de da da dum da dum da de | All right. But I'll never shop here again. |
Nickel off on expired baby food. | Sold! |
Oh, I'd give anything to go to that show! | I'd sell my first-born son. |
Hey! | You'll do as your told. |
Ralph thinks I like him. But I only gave him a valentine 'cause I felt sorry for him. | Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it? |
Well, honey, I-- | Let me handle this, Marge. I've heard 'em all. "I like you as a friend," "I think we should see other people," I no speak English"... |
I get the idea. | "I'm married to the sea," "I don't want to kill you, but I will-- |
Thanks, Mom. | And if that doesn't work, six simple words: "I'm not gay, but I'll learn." |
Forget it. To get those tickets our parents would have to be part of Springfield's cultural elite. | Can you believe Flanders threw out a perfectly good toothbrush? |
Forget it. To get those tickets our parents would have to be part of Springfield's cultural elite. | Eww. |
Oh no, it's Ralph! Just make some excuse. | She's in the can. Go away. |
Yes, sir. I'd do anything for Lisa. | Really? |
Mr. Simpson, the tar fumes are making me dizzy. | Yeah, they'll do that. |
Dad, is it right to take things from people you don't like? | Sure it is, honey. You do mean stealing, don't you? |
Well, actually, it's not as bad as stealing, but my conscience is bothering me. | Your conscience? Lisa, don't let that pushy little weenie tell you what to do. |
Homer, that's a terrible thing to say. | Oh, shaddup. |
Yeah. You got a tail-light out. | Where? |
Right there. | You know, one day honest citizens are going to stand up to you crooked cops. |
Hasta la vista, Abie. | C'mon, boy! Finish him off! |
And now, our evening comes to an end... | Woo hoo! |
Homer, I want you to encourage Lisa with her science fair project. | Yeah, syrup is better than jelly. |
Yes please! | Where's your Science Fair project, boy? |
Bart, don't give the dog cigarettes! | Whelp, time to go to work. |
Bart, don't give the dog cigarettes! | Roll in at nine, punch out at five. That's the plan. |
Bart, don't give the dog cigarettes! | Then to the Duff Brewery. |
Bart, don't give the dog cigarettes! | I gotta think of a lie, fast. |
I'd also like to express my fondness for that particular beer. | The man never drank a Duff in his life. |
What does the future hold for Duff? Let's just say we've got a few ideas up our sleeve. | Like what? |
Um, I'd rather not get into it right now. | Why not? |
All right, we don't have any ideas for the future. We got nothing. Happy? | No. |
Hey, thanks a lot. That makes it all worthwhile. | Mmmm... Gummi Beer. |
Hey, thanks a lot. That makes it all worthwhile. | Hey, Barney. I think you've had enough. |
Are you crazy? We still haven't tried Raspberry Duff, Lady Duff, Tartar Control Duff... | Barney, give me your keys. You're too drunk to drive. |
I'm fine. | Okay, you leave me no option. |
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