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Homer, it's really coming down. Could you check on the boys? | They're fine. |
It was just an April Fool's joke. | Why, you little -- |
You lost five percent of your brain. | Me lose brain? Uh-oh. |
You lost five percent of your brain. | Why'd I laugh? |
It's so sad that Krusty is ashamed of his roots. | Marge, it happened again! |
Gee, that's odd. They didn't send one to you. | Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom. |
Oh my God. | Marge, I never graduated from high school. |
Well that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it does. | I never passed remedial science one "A". |
And you're a nuclear technician? | Marge, ixnay on the uclear-nay ecnitian-tay. |
What did you way? | I don't know. I flunked Latin, too. |
Time to go to the reunion. | It'll be great to see the old gang again... Potsy, Ralph Malph, "The Fonz"... |
That was "Happy Days." | No, they weren't all happy Days. Like the time Pinky Tuscadero crashed her motorcycle -- or the night I lost all my money to those card sharks, and my Dad, Tom Bosley, had to get it back. |
Oh, it's you Simpson. | Look, there's Bobby Mindich, the class clown. |
I am not a crook. | Richard Nixon. |
Jealous? | I'll bet you'd trade it all for one night with my wife. |
I would. | Hmmm. |
Okay, very good. Now, let's get on with our rilly big shew... | Ed Sullivan. |
Homer Simpson! | Oh my God! |
How'd you do it, Homer? | I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch. |
And now, the award for most improved odor... Homer Simpson! | Yes! |
And the person who traveled the least distance to be here... well, kiss my grits... Homer Simpson! | What can I say? It hasn't been easy staying in my rut... |
It fell in the toilet. | Marge, I have my pride. I'm going to go to night school, earn my high school diploma, and get back my most improved odor trophy! |
Dad, whatever you say, you know you will always have my love and respect. | I never graduated from high school. |
Hello, son! I was on my way home from work and thought I'd drop by. | Oh, you have a job? |
They pay me eight hundred dollars a week to tell a cat and a mouse what to do. | I see. |
Dad, can we talk to Grampa alone for a minute? | All right. But if he starts to wig out, try to lure him into the cellar. |
Welcome to Remedial Science 1A. My uh wife recently passed away... I thought teaching might ease my loneliness. | Will this be on the test? |
Now, I'm going to uh burn this donut to show you how many calories it has. | Nooooooo! |
The bright blue flame indicates this was a particularly sweet donut. | This is not happening. This is not happening. |
All right, here are your exams. Fifty questions, true or false. | True. |
Homer, I was just describing the test. | True. |
Look, Homer, just take the test and you'll do fine. | False. |
Look, Homer, just take the test and you'll do fine. | All right, brain, you don't like me and I don't like you. But let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer. |
Uh... The nominees for best writing in a cartoon series are... "Strong-dar, Master of Akom," the "Wedding" episode. | It's a deal! |
That's wonderful, Homie! | At our next high school reunion I'll have nothing to be ashamed of. |
HENS LOVE ROOSTERS/ GEESE LOVE GANDERS/ EVERYONE ELSE LOVES NED FLANDERS | Not me! |
It's all so barbaric. | Hey kids. How was school? |
I got expelled. | That's my boy. |
I got expelled. | Mmmm, beer... What? |
Look, Dad. I don't need school. I'll make my way as a bootblack. Shine yer boots Guv'nor? | No son of mine is gonna be a 19th Century Cockney bootblack. We're gonna find you another school. |
You're going to get an education. I'm going to teach you myself. | Marge, it's too late. The boy's ten years old! Let's focus our energy on Lisa and the other one. |
You're going to get an education. I'm going to teach you myself. | What's your problem? |
Whacking Day is coming. | Woo hoo! The greatest day of the year. |
But killing snakes is evil. | Maybe so, Lisa, but it's part of our oh-so-human nature. Inside every man is a struggle between good and evil that cannot be resolved. |
Excuse me. | Whack! Whack! Whack! |
Dad, everyone likes Whacking Day, but I hate it. Is there something wrong with me? | Yes, honey. |
Then, what should I do? | Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time. Like that day I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. Remember that? |
Yeah. | Your Daddy hit the referee. |
Yeah. | Yeah. |
Slow... then fast. | Uh-oh. |
Dad please, for the last time, I beg you, don't lower yourself to the level of the mob. | Lisa, maybe if I'm part of that mob, I can help steer it in wise directions. Now, where's my giant foam cowboy hat and air horn? |
That's right. Order now and you'll also get Sun `n' Run, the Suntan Lotion... that's also a laxative! | Gotta get a juicer. Gonna drink juice, lose weight. Won't get chest pain from answering the phone anymore. |
Hey, dad. This came for you in the mail. | Woo-Hoo! |
Who the devil are you? | My name is Mr. Burns. |
There is no such thing. | Marge, the boy's wasting valuable time -- come change the channel and pat my head. |
There is no such thing. | But, I'll miss "Sheriff Lobo." |
... Flintstones' chewable morphine. | I'll miss Sheriff Lobo... |
... Flintstones' chewable morphine. | I'll miss Sheriff Lobo... |
Morphine | Lobooo... |
Morphine | Lobooo... |
No offense, but we're putting that bitch on ice. | Now, come on! I'm your best customer. |
No. In fact I can recite pi to 40,000 places. The last digit is one! | Mmm... pie. |
I'll be fine, dear. | Marge, I'm gonna miss you so much. And it's not just the sex... it's also the food preparation... your skill with stains of all kinds. But mostly, I'll miss how lucky you make me feel each and every morning. |
Homer, I don't think this fish is quite dead yet. | Marge, please. I'm having enough trouble with the lobsters. |
Who's gonna change Maggie? | We're gonna let her roam free in the backyard, and nature will take its course. |
It seems like I've been wearing the same red dress forever. | Go up to the attic. There's a whole trunk of clothes up there. |
Oh honey, I've missed you too. Homer, is that an old Halloween costume? | Uh... no. |
Doggone it. | Honey, I don't know what you're feelin' right now. So I don't wanna push anything. We can just hold hands... or sit and talk... |
Did you see that? | Yeah. |
What's Gabbo? | I figure it's some guy's name. Some guy named Gabbo. |
I don't think they're giving you enough information, Dad. | I'll figure it out. I'm gonna use all the power of my brain. |
I can't believe it. Our first glimpse of Gabbo! | He'll tell us what to do. |
Dad... | Two wrongs make a right, Lisa. Ah, Rex Morgan M.D., you have the prescription for the daily blues. |
What?... What am I lookin' at? I don't see nothin'. I'm gonna stop looking soon... What... what, is that it? | Hey, Moe, can I look too? |
Sure, but it'll cost ya. | My wallet's in the car. |
Uh-oh. | Now, you can stay with us until you lose that weight. You can sleep on the sofa, it folds right out. |
Uh-oh. | Oh, wait. That was the old sofa. |
You've got to keep working on it. | Ooh, delicious. |
It is, it really really is. | Ooh, five cents each! |
It is, it really really is. | Junk... junk... the airplane's upside down... Strad-i-who-vius?... |
Dad, when did you record an album? | I'm surprised you don't remember, son. It was only eight years ago. |
What are we all laughing about? | Who cares? Anyway, it all happened during that magical summer of 1985... A maturing Joe Piscopo left "Saturday Night Live" to conquer Hollywood... People Express introduced a generation of hicks to plane travel...and I was in a barbershop quartet... |
Hello... | Hello... |
HELLO, MA BABY / HELLO, MA HONEY / HELLO, MA RAGTIME, RAGTIME GAL / SEND ME A KISS BY WIRE... ETC. | Every afternoon at Moe's, Chief Wiggum, Principal Skinner, Apu and I would get together and sing... and the crowds went wild. |
Barbershop! That ain't been popular since aught six, dagnabit! | Bart, what did I tell you? |
Homer, I'm a theatrical agent, and I want to represent your group. | Really? |
You've got... it! All except that police officer. Too Village People. You'll have to replace him. | Just leave it to me. |
Where are we going? Where are we going? | Run along, boy. You're free now! |
OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM / EE-I-EE-I-O / AND ON THIS FARM HE HAD A CHICK / SWINGINGEST CHICK I KNOW / WITH A WIGGLE WIGGLE HERE AND A WIGGLE WIGGLE THERE... | Get off the stage! |
JUST A LITTLE IRISH DITTY... | Barney, how'd you like to sing for our group? |
Perfect. | The Be Sharps. |
I bought this cool pencil holder. | Far out, man. I haven't seen a bong in years. |
No one bought a wishbone necklace. | Well, one of us made some money. I sold a guy our spare tire. |
Look what I got. Now people will stop intentionally ramming our car. | Hmm... baby on board. |
Look what I got. Now people will stop intentionally ramming our car. | BABY ON BOARD / SOMETHING, SOMETHING BURT WARD... This thing writes itself! |
Oh yes, Bouffant Betty. Well I would prefer we kept your marriage a secret. You see, a lot of women are going to want to have sex with you, and we want them to think they can. | Well... if I explain it to Marge that way, I'm sure she'll understand. |
Homer, you're going to be famous! | Yeah, but I'm not gonna let it change our lives. I'll be the same loving father I've always been. |
Have you seen Bart? | I stuck him somewhere. |
Damned ceremonies. This is time I could be working, Mommy. | We'd like to dedicate this next number to a very special woman. She's 100 years old, and she weighs over 200... ... tons. |
This enormous woman will devour us all! | I meant the statue. |
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