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Ow. What was that for? | I'm trying to knock you out. |
Look alive, boys. Coupla stewed prunes headed your way. | Gulp. |
Your license is hereby revoked and you are to attend traffic school and two months of Alch-anon meetings. | Your Honor, I'd like that last remark stricken from the record. |
Haw haw! | Stupid bicycle. Can't believe this. No good, rotten... |
Haw haw! | I guess it's not all bad. |
What a terrible waste. Hi! I'm actor, Troy McClure. You might remember me from such Driver's Ed films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot." For the next 60 minutes we'll be seeing actual film of car crash victims. | It's funny `cause I don't know him. Heh, heh, heh. |
Homie, do you ever drink alone? | Does the Lord count as a person? |
No. | Then, yes. |
Do you need a beer to fall asleep? | Thank you, that'd be nice. |
Do you ever hide beer around the house? | Do I ever! |
Do you ever hide beer around the house? | Ah. |
Homie, I'd like you to do something for me. | You name it. |
I want you to give up beer for a month. | You got it. No deer for a month. |
Did you say beer or deer? | Deer. |
Please, Homie, I know you can do this. | All right. Starting tomorrow, no beer for a month. |
What was that noise? | I was saying "Pssst. I love you." |
Cupcakes, cupcakes. Yes, sweet cakes for all. | Well, beer... we've had some great times. |
Cupcakes, cupcakes. Yes, sweet cakes for all. | WHEN I WAS 17 / I DRANK SOME VERY GOOD BEER / I DRANK SOME VERY GOOD BEER I PURCHASED WITH A FAKE I.D. / MY NAME WAS BRIAN MCGEE / I STAYED UP LISTENING TO QUEEN |
Cupcakes, cupcakes. Yes, sweet cakes for all. | WHEN I WAS 17. |
Dang, I was aiming for his head. | Hm. Alcohol fueled car. |
Dang, I was aiming for his head. | One for you... one for me... One for you... one for me... |
You thinking what I'm thinking? | T.V. have you turned on me, too? |
The windup and the two two pitch... Oh no! The batter is calling for time... Looks like he's going and getting himself a new bat. And now there's a beachball on the field. And the ballboys are discussing which one of them is gonna go get it. | I never realized how boring this game is. |
Don't be scared Jubjub. It's mama. | I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. |
So Homer, please feel free to tell us anything. There's no judgment here. | The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers. |
Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug. | Nooooo! |
I'm proud of you, Homie. | Marge, I'm going to Moe's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm comin' back loaded. |
You don't have to start drinking right away. I was thinking we could go for a bike ride. | But Marge, the barflies are expecting me... Moe, and Barney and that guy who calls me Bill... |
You've saved more than a hundred dollars. I found it in your pants. | Yoink. |
Ow. | Put it in the fridge, Moe. I got a date with my wife. |
That is one evil dude. | It's just a movie, son. There's nobody that evil in real life. |
Now stay tuned for professional wrestling, live from the Springfield Grapplarium! Tonight, a Texas death match... Dr. Hillbilly vs. the Iron Yuppie. One man will actually be unmasked and killed in the ring! | I hope they kill that Iron Yuppie. Thinks he's so big. |
Homer, Lisa needs Braces. | Don't worry. We won a dental plan in the strike of eighty-eight. That's where I got this scar. |
Soon! | Where's my burrito? Where's my burrito? Where's my burrito? |
Bullseye! | Thanks a lot Carl. Now I've lost my train of thought. |
Lisa needs braces. | If we give up our dental plan, I'll have to pay for Lisa's braces. |
Lisa needs braces. | People stop! We can't give up our dental plan! Lenny, without the dental plan, you wouldn't have that diamond in your tooth. |
Hey! | And Gummy Joe, where would you be without the dental plan? |
I wouldn't have old chomper here, that's for sure. | You know what I think of this contract? |
Congratulations, Homer! | Hey, what does this job pay? |
... Unless you're crooked. | Woo hoo! |
This is your chance to get a fair shake for the working man. | And make life-long connections to the world of Organized Crime. Hmmm... organized crime. |
Don Homer, I have baked a special donut just for you. | Mmm. Gratzi. |
Don Homer, my son, he has trouble with the... | Eh-Eh-Eh. |
Don Homer, my son, he has trouble with the... | Molto bene. |
Don Homer, my son, he has trouble with the... | That's-a-nice-a-donut. |
Do you think you can get the dental plan back? | Well, that depends on who's a better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me. |
Dad, I'll trade you this delicious door stop for your crummy ol' danish. | Done and done! Heh, heh, heh. |
Hmm, he's a worthy foe. Look at him, Smithers. Exercising away while the others are off at the candy machine. | Hey, Lenny, can you get this Sugar Daddy off my back? |
After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows. | Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure, I'm flattered... maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no. |
Honey, you look fine. | Who is it? |
Goons. | Who? |
Hired goons. | Hired goons? |
Ah, Homer! I hope Crusher and Low Blow didn't hurt you. | You know, you could have just called me. |
Oh yes, but the telephone is so impersonal. I prefer the hands-on touch you only get with hired goons. | Hired goons? |
And this is my basement. | Gee, it's not as nice as the other rooms. |
It doesn't take a whiz to see that you're looking out for number one. Well, listen to me and you'll make a big splash very soon. | Which way to the bathroom? |
Oh. It's the twenty-third door on the left. | Nope. Nope. Nope. |
Find the bathroom alright? | Uh... yeah. |
A bug, I tell you! A bug! | I'm gonna resign. I don't know why they made me Union President in the first place. |
Because they love you down at the plant. | Yeah, you're right. Guys are always patting my bald head for luck... pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh... |
That doesn't sound like they like you at all. | Ya know, I think you're right. First thing tomorrow morning, I'm gonna punch Lenny in the back of the head. |
Nay. | Who keeps saying that? |
Yes, well, my director is telling me not to talk to you anymore. | Woo hoo! |
SO WE'LL MARCH DAY AND NIGHT / | BY THE BIG COOLING TOWER... |
All right! You can even have the dental plan!... On one condition. You must resign as head of the union. | Woo hoo! |
Smithers, I'm beginning to think that Homer Simpson was not the brilliant tactician I thought he was. | Woop, woop, woop! Woop, woop, woop! |
Ext. nuclear power plant - front gate - night) | We're going back to work! |
Oh no, I can't see! I'm blind! Blind! | Haw haw. April Fool's. |
Oh no, I can't see! I'm blind! Blind! | Haw, haw. April Fool's! I've been keepin' that carton of milk next to the furnace for six weeks! Sucker! |
You're goin' down, Homer! I'm gonna fool you! | You talk better than you fool. |
I'll fool you up real nice! | You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine. |
P.U. | Ahhh, what noble visionary thought up April Fool's Day? |
Like Halloween and Christmas, April Fool's Day traces its origins to pagan ritual. | God bless those pagans. |
The Christians changed their calendar and ridiculed those who didn't. | Happy New Year! |
Dad! I was telling the story. | Oh, right. |
I've got to fool him before the day is out -- but how? He must have a weakness. | Ah, beer. My one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. |
Beer! Beer is the cheese. But how to use it... | Whew! It's a good thing that beer wasn't shaken up any more, or I'd have looked quite the fool. An April Fool, as it were. |
Ay, no es bueno. | So thirsty... Eh. What're you gonna do? |
The following is a public service announcement. Excess of alcohol consumption can cause liver damage, and cancer of the rectum. | Mmmm... beer. |
Homie! | Marge! |
...You are wired in to the rest of your family. You have the ability to shock them, and they have the ability to shock-- | Arrrgh! |
Arrrgh! | Arrrgh! |
I won't jump anymore, I promise. | Ohhh, thank God. Thank God. Thank God. |
I love you, Dad. | I love you too, son. You know, boy, I don't think I've ever felt as close to you as I do right -- |
I love you, Dad. | I'm going to make it! I'm going to make it! This is the greatest thrill of my life! I'm king of the world! Woo hoo! Woo hoo!! I-- |
Right, Dad. | Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me! |
It was an amusing episode... of our lives. | Thanks for coming to visit me, Moe. |
I brought you a little present. | No! No! Beer bring pain! |
Hey, what'll I tell the boss? | Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love. And I won't be back for ten minutes. |
You can do it, Homer. Stand up. | I can't. |
He just won't budge. I've tried everything. Nothing can reach him. | Mmm... chocolate. |
Hi, Dr. Nick! | Oof. |
Please, do go on... | I know you're a good man... and I have a dog that's very sick... |
Oh, please, continue... | I thought maybe you... |
Oh, please, continue... | Oh. Well, thanks for your time. |
Hi, Dad. Want me to cut out this infernal racket? | No. Let me hear you play. |
Why? | Does a father have to explain? Let's just share your gift, okay? |
Why? | Yeah, that's more like it! "OH, I WANT TO BE IN THAT RUMBA / WHEN THE SAINTS GO OVER THERE.... OVER THERE... |
Why? | OVER THERE." |
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