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Well, hot dog! We have a "wiener"! | Y'ello? |
Well, all that money sounds mighty tempting, Marty. But I think I'm gonna have to go with the elephant. | He's taking the elephant instead of the money. |
I want the elephant. | Heh, heh. Stick it to the man. No, wait! |
I want the elephant. | We'll call you back! Bart! With ten thousand dollars we'd be millionaires. We could buy all kinds of useful things, like... ... love. |
You all seem to be forgetting the most important thing. Which is that it's wrong to imprison an animal. | Lisa, go to your room. |
Hey! | Wee! |
Homer, it looks like it could gore. | Heh, heh, it does look like Al Gore. |
I really think this is a bad idea. | Marge, I agree with you, in theory. In theory Communism works. In theory. |
I think I'm gonna call him Stampy. | What's he yelling about? |
You ate it too fast. | Maybe if we tied it down so it couldn't move it wouldn't get so hungry. |
You can't do that, Dad. It's cruel. | Oh, everything's cruel according to you. Keeping him chained up in the backyard is cruel. Pulling on his tail is cruel. Yelling in his ears is cruel. Everything is cruel. So excuse me if I'm cruel. |
You can't do that, Dad. It's cruel. | Now I've had my head in an elephant, a hippo and a giant sloth. |
I think you're taking unfair advantage of my generous offer. | Shut up. |
He can't just eat peanuts, Dad. He needs plants to live. | Plants, eh? |
Strip the bark now, Stampy. | Hey, any more arboretums around here? |
No. | That bird! He's killing the elephant! Stop him! |
No, Dad. He's grooming him. | Grooming him, eh? |
Ew, Homer, there is a bird on your head? | I know. He's grooming me. Mmm... elephant fresh. |
Nah. He doesn't want to learn and I don't want to teach him. We get along fine. | Hey, what's with them? |
I think they're trying to get some attention. | Oh. Good luck. Look at these bills. "Chain for elephant," "Shots for elephant"... "Oversized decorative poncho". |
Technically, it's for a giraffe, but I think I can let it out a little. | Well these bills'll have to be paid out of your allowance. |
You'll have to raise my allowance to about a thousand dollars a week. | Then that's what I'll do, smart guy. |
We'll pay you money. | For the ninth time, no! |
We'll pay you money. | Wait a minute, this gives me an idea. |
Uh, here's a better sign, Dad. | I don't have time to read. Just give me the gist of it, son. |
Stampy's food bill today was three hundred dollars. | Marge, please don't humiliate me in front of the money. |
Yes. But we paid you four dollars. | Well, that was under our old price structure. Under our new price structure, your bill comes to a total of seven hundred dollars. Now, you've already paid me four dollars, so that's just six hundred and ninety-six dollars more that you owe me. |
Get off our property. | This town is full of deadbeats. We can't afford this elephant. |
Well sir, I'll be honest with you. I need a large African elephant. And I need it today. But I'm afraid this just isn't what I'm lookin' for. | What do you mean? It's an elephant, isn't it? |
Well it is and it isn't, if you understand what I mean. | He likes peanuts. |
It's perfect, Dad. | I only have two questions. How much, and give it to me. |
Well we really can't offer you any money. We're a non-profit organization. | So, your bid is zero. |
Well, we like to think of it as -- | Thank you. |
You know I really think -- | Thank you. |
Dad, I think he's an ivory dealer. His boots are ivory, his hat is ivory, and I'm pretty sure that check is ivory. | Lisa, a guy who has lots of ivory is less likely to hurt Stampy than a guy whose ivory supplies are low. |
Dad, you can't do this. Stampy is my friend. | Don't worry, son. I'll get you a new elephant. |
I'll take that one, too. | Done. |
All right, I'll be back in the morning to pick up Stampy. | Here's the keys. |
Elephants don't have keys. | I'll just keep these then. |
I'll bet it's because of that horrible ivory dealer, Dad. | He took Bart too? |
I'll bet it's because of that horrible ivory dealer, Dad. | That wasn't part of our deal, Blackheart! That wasn't PAAAAART!! |
A female deer. | Son, you're okay! And you've led us to the precious ivory. And of course your lovable pet, who it's connected to... |
Ow. Anyway, I want him to go to that animal refuge. | Forget it. That elephant cost me thousands of dollars. |
Dad, how would you like to be sold to an ivory dealer? | I'd like it fine. |
Even if he killed you and made your teeth into piano keys? | Yes, of course I would. Who wouldn't like that? To be part of the Music Scene... |
Dad! You're sinking! | Huh? |
Get a rope, Bart! | Nah, that's okay. I'm pretty sure I can struggle my way out. First I'll just reach in and pull my legs out. |
Get a rope, Bart! | Now I'll pull my arms out with my face... |
Ow! | I'm alive! I'm alive. And I owe it all to this feisty feline. |
Dad! | Oh, I guess it wouldn't be right to sell Stampy after he saved my life. And, the boy seems to have some sort of relationship with him. |
Thanks, Dad. | On the other hand, who's to say what's right these days... what with all our modern ideas... and products. |
Thanks, Dad. | All right. We'll give the stupid elephant to the stupid animal refuge. |
Ow! My hair! | Mmm. Caramel. |
Congratulations Homer Simpson! You've just won the employee raffle! | Woo hoo! What do I get? |
The job of industrial chimney sweep for a day! | Woo hoo! |
The job of industrial chimney sweep for a day! | Hey, this isn't such a great prize. Oh, well, this may be a dirty job, but the big guys at the top work even harder. |
So much for Plan B. | That's it, boy. You're our last hope. |
I've gotta stop fantasizing about Lee Majors. Ah, one more. | Okay, boy, I wrote down exactly what to say. Just read it and you're a shoo-in. |
Hello, Mr... Kurns? I bad want... money now. Me sick. | Oooh. He card reads good. |
So pick, please, me... Mr. Burns. | It's KURNS, stupid! |
No it's not. | Disregard. |
Excellent. | The boot kicked Bart. It kicked him right in the butt. |
I think Bart and Lisa are feeling a little upset right now. Isn't there something you'd like to say? | There sure is. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Right in the butt. That was great. |
Just sign here and your son will stand to inherit my entire estate. | Woo hoo! We're rich! Bart, get over to the mansion and open up all the windows. We want to get the old people smell out before we move in. |
Dad, Mr. Burns hasn't passed away yet. | Huh? Oh, right. So I guess you're in okay shape, huh? No heart problems or anything... |
Well, I -- | Boo! |
I'm okay. | Oh, yeah. So good... |
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? | Yeah, let's push him down the steps. |
All right. | How come Bart gets to do that and I can't spend one night lurking in the bushes outside Chef Boyardee's house? |
Homer, say something. | Okay. Lisa quit getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas. |
Oh yuck, meatloaf! My most hated of all loafs. | That was the end piece. That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog. Go to your room! |
No! This family stinks. Mr. Burns nurtures my destructive side. I'm suffocating here. | Bart, you listen. |
Oh, go eat some flowers. | My secret shame. |
Ugh! Smithers get it off me. | Bart, you're coming home. |
I suggest you leave immediately. | Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? Well go ahead, do your worst. |
I suggest you leave immediately. | He locked the door! I'll show him. |
That was a heartbreaker. But I did get Paul McCartney out of "Wings." | You idiot! He was the most talented one! |
Homer, that's Hans Moleman. | Can I keep him anyway? Huh, huh? |
Let me try one. | Hey, the trail of donuts ended. Bart! |
Hurry! Fire him now or I'll disown you. You'll lose everything. The fabulous toys, a lifetime of wealth and luxury, the gift certificate from Blockbuster Video, the freedom to do whatever you want. | I'll miss you, son. |
How do you know? | Because one of them hung out with me for a week trying to get my character down. |
I love you guys. | Right back atcha, son. Aw. |
I love you guys. | And now I want you to meet your new brother, Hans Moleman. |
Cowabunga, dudes. | Give it a try. It's like kissing a peanut. Heh, heh, heh. |
Yeah, I guess it is guilt. | Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let me get this straight. They let everybody out of school early, just because you brought a dog? |
Well, yeah, but -- | Well, I'm off to work. |
The dog has had enough excitement. | But Marge, dogs can never have enough excitement. |
The dog has had enough excitement. | Look! Ree, ree. Ree, ree. Aye, aye. All right, all right, I won't take the dog. C'mere. |
...with your new principal, Ned Flanders! | How many "s"'s in "innocent"? |
Ned, Homer and I are a little concerned with the way the school's being run. | Yes, deeply concerned. |
Well, once he found out we were going to get Ned Flanders fired, he insisted on helping. | That is true. |
Can't let Dad see me playing hooky. | I can't let the boy see me skipping work. |
Good afternoon. | How do you do, sir? |
Good afternoon. | Sucker. |
I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just a little reminder: if I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yes, you heard me. I think words I would never say. | I know you can read my thoughts, boy. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow/ meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. |
Excuse me, your honor. Yes, I'd like to bring something to the court's attention. | Huh? |
Give those glasses to the bailiff. | All right. |
Will the jury retire and come to its decision? | Okay, fine. |
We might as well make it official. | What does sequestered mean? |
If the jury is deadlocked, they're put up in a hotel together so they can't communicate with the outside world. | What does deadlocked mean? |
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