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Why aren't there any pictures of Maggie? | Well, I'm glad you asked. It's actually a very interesting story. |
Get the camera ready, Bart very seepy. | Listen carefully and my words will shape images as clear as any TV show. It was a tumultuous time for our nation. The clear beverage craze gave us all a reason to live. |
Get the camera ready, Bart very seepy. | The Information Super-highway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about "Star Trek," and the domestication of the dog continued unabated. |
Attention American workers. Your plant has been taken over by an all-star team of free-lance terrorists. | Not on my shift. |
Homer! Tell the story right. | Okay. |
Your paychecks, gentlemen. | Woo hoo! This is it! With this single glorious check, I'm finally completely out of debt. |
Hey, what did we do? | Sorry, that just slipped out. I'll miss ya. |
Is that so? | Ooh, lovely desk. It would be too bad if someone, oh, I don't know... didn't use a coaster!! |
Is that so? | Such a nice tidy office. Maybe it's time you started living like a pig! |
Is that so? | Oh, I hope I haven't upset you... bongo head! |
He's gettin' a pretty good sound outta that guy. | That's for employing me for eight years! Ha ha. |
He's gettin' a pretty good sound outta that guy. | And that is that. Goodbye mind-numbing, back-breaking labor forever. Hello dream job in paradise. |
Sure. | Woo hoo! |
Show up tomorrow. Bring three rags. Oh, and a change of pants. | Why? |
I don't know if it's such a good idea. Can we get by on a pin-monkey salary? | Don't worry, Marge. I've come up with a perfectly balanced budget. There will be exactly enough money for you, me, Bart and Lisa, if we make a few small sacrifices. |
Fine. | That night your mother and I went out for a romantic evening to celebrate the start of our new life. We began with dinner and dancing... followed by a stroll on the beach... |
Fine. | Marge... |
Homer... | I've got sand in my underpants. |
Me too. Let's go home. | I love you, Marge. |
I love you too, Homie. | Everything in our lives is finally perfectly balanced. I hope things stay exactly like this forever. |
Did you have to be so graphic? | It's okay, Marge. They pave the way for this kind of filth in school. |
So Dad, were you excited that mom was pregnant? | Actually, your mother hadn't told me yet. At that time, I had no idea Maggie even existed. |
Daaad! | Hi Maggie. |
Daaad! | So anyhoo, back then there was no way for me to know your mother was pregnant. |
Okay then. | ...I slowly learned the intricate mysteries of the alley, like where the pins go after they're knocked down. |
Okay then. | I was in heaven. If horse racing is the sport of kings, then surely bowling... is a very good sport as well. |
Hey, great job, Homer. / Thanks a lot./ You're the best. | I'M GONNA MAKE IT AFTER ALL! |
Homie, I-- | Can't talk, praying. Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me and I am thankful. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. |
Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box. That's nice work, Homer. | Thank you. Thank you very much. It is nice work. |
Oh Mr. Simpson, I have just heard about the little bundle of joy. Congratulations, sir. | It's true, the bundle is little. But I'm not in it for the money. |
Hey Homer, way to get Marge pregnant. Heh, heh, heh. | This is getting very abstract, but thank you. I do enjoy working at the bowling alley. |
Oh really. | Man. It's windy as hell out there. |
Wow, Dad. You really threw a tantrum like a little sissy girl? | Oh just that one time. |
Actually, when I was about to have Bart... | You're pregnant?! |
And then when I told him about Lisa... | You're pregnant again?! |
And then when I told him about Lisa... | Well who wouldn't be upset? That new baby in your mother's womb was a ticking time bomb threatening to blow this family eight ways from Sunday! Hey, where're you going? |
Ooh, I don't have that. | You're pregnant! We're gonna have to have a baby! All our financial plans are ruined. We're doomed! Doomed I tells ya! |
Homer! Let your father tell the story. | Yeah. |
Okay, but I know funny. | Anyhoo... |
Okay, but I know funny. | We're doomed! |
Homer, you had a head. | Check. |
You've worked hard at the bowling alley. Why don't you ask for a raise? | Yeah, a raise! I've never been good enough at any job to deserve one before. But I'm damn good at this one. That's it! I'm gonna march right up to Al and say... |
Oh. | My marketing plan attracted a record number of police and fire officials, but few stayed to bowl. I failed. Quitting my dream job was the hardest thing I've ever done. |
Anyway, we all pitched in and we got you this little goin' away thing. | This was the happiest time of my life. I'll never forget you guys. Especially you, Joey. |
See ya 'round, Mr. Homer. | Don't worry, Joey. We'll make it to California some day. |
Yes, are you a new applicant? | Actually, I quit and I came to get my job back. |
So, come crawling back, eh? | Seems like the classy thing to do would be not to call attention to it. |
Well, actually - | I can't go on with this charade any longer. I hate my job. I hate my life. And ever since I found out about this baby there's been nothing but bad luck. |
My contractions started an hour ago. | It's just in one ear and out the other with you isn't it, Marge. |
Argh -- you're truly the catch of the day! | It's wonderful! It's magical! Oh boy, here it comes - another mouth. |
One more push should do it. | Marvelous. |
Congratulations, Mr. Simpson. You have a beautiful, healthy baby. | Okay. |
Homie, I think someone is saying hello. | Hello. Aw. It's a boy... And what a boy. |
Uh, that's the umbilical cord. It's a girl. | A girl! Oh Marge, we have a wonderful baby girl! Not just a girl, the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world! |
Then why no pictures? | Oh, there are pictures. I keep them where I need the most cheering up. |
NOOOOOOOOoooooooo! | ...And then I sped away without anyone seeing my license plate. |
Homer, what if this doesn't work? | Well then, I have a back-up plan. See, while the unprepared are still sitting around twiddling their thumbs and going doo-doo-doo-dee-doo-do-doo... |
Dad, the plan! | I'm getting to that. So anyway, they're going, doo-dee-doo-do-doo... |
Dad! | So anyway we get in our car and take the bridge out of town, while all the while they're still going, doo-dee-doo-do-doo... |
Daaad, they're firing the rocket! | All right! |
We're doomed! | It's at times like this I wish I were a religious man. |
Turn it off. | Just a second. |
Turn it off. | What's everyone so worked up about? So there's a comet. Big deal. It'll burn up in our atmosphere, and whatsever left will be no bigger than a chihuahua's head. |
Wow, Dad. Maybe you're right. | Of course I'm right. If I'm not, may we all be horribly crushed from above somehow. |
We have a bomb shelter? | Homer Simpson takes care of his family. |
Hi-de-ho-e-roonie, neighbor. What can I do you for? | Get out of there. My family needs to use your bomb shelter. |
I kinda figured this might happen, so I built the shelter big enough for both our families. | No deal. Out. |
One more hour. | An hour! I can't wait another hour. What's keeping that stupid comet? |
One more hour. | THERE it is. |
All right! | I can't get the... I can't get the door closed. Somebody's going to have to get out. |
And it will need somebody to dispense drinks, i.e. me. Um, and someone will have to run the power. Uh, you can do that, Homer. | Uh, yeah. I can do that. |
Okay, let's start again. We'll need laughter, religious enlightenment, gossip -- that's Mrs. Lovejoy... | Wait a minute. We all know the one thing we won't need in the future: left handed stores. That's you, Flanders. |
Okay, let's start again. We'll need laughter, religious enlightenment, gossip -- that's Mrs. Lovejoy... | I'm terribly sorry. Flanders is the only useless person here. If anyone dies, it should be him. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. So let's kick Flanders out. Sorry. |
Say Moe, was it a duck? | No, no! Shut up! Shut up! Stop it, stop it! I can't take this anymore. I can't let that brave man out there die alone. I'm surprised and disgusted by all of you. Especially his children. I'm goin' out there. |
Say Moe, was it a duck? | And it was a baby ox. |
Yeah, dad was right. | I know kids, I'm scared too. |
So I'll just make some more money. Crank out some cheesy merchandise. | I am holding still. I am squirming. |
Finders keepers. | "This year give her English Muffins." Whatever you say, Mr. Billboard. |
Finders keepers. | "Best in the West." It rhymes. |
Finders keepers. | Clown college? You can't eat that. |
Hey, Homer. The section you're supposed to be monitoring is on fire. | Clowns are funny. |
I think I'll have some wine. | Marge. |
Yes, Homie? | That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! |
I don't think any of us expected him to say that. | Hurry up -- it's my first day of clown college. |
Yeah dad, it was bad enough when you tried to pass yourself off as Tom Bosley. But Krusty! | You weren't complaining when I got you this close to Chachi. |
New Hampshire. | Homer. |
Those are supposed to be baggy pants. Baggy! | Ooh, I've never had a pair of pants that fit this well in my life. |
Okay, memorize these funny place names. Walla Walla, Keokuk, Cucamonga, Seattle... | Stop it! You're killing me! Seattle... |
And now everybody's favorite, the "spin cycle fantastique" trick. It's a great piece of buffoonery if you pull it off, but if you blow it, you'll look like a fool. | Steady, steady... |
Now, when the wealthy dowager comes in, the party's over, right? Wrong. | Kill wealthy dowager. |
This is the happiest day of my life. A-YAH-ha. | Got it! No shock for me . |
And now, to help introduce our fantastic new burger, the one with ketchup, here he is, coming in by parachute.... Krusty the Klown! | To- Audience -I - now - proclaim - this - new - burger... for sale. |
And now, to help introduce our fantastic new burger, the one with ketchup, here he is, coming in by parachute.... Krusty the Klown! | Lord save me. |
It's the Krusty Burglar! | Omigod! He's stealing all the burgers! Why you little - I've got you! |
I'm a boy. | That's the spirit. Never give up. |
Hey, nice threads. | I'm beat, and after work I've got to dedicate a new jiffy lube and co-host the Ace Awards. |
Well my time's almost up here, so uh, I'd just like to say I know Woody Allen. | And now the winner for the most promising new series on cable: old "Starsky and Hutches." |
Let's walk and talk. I ah, I have some wonderful stories about other famous people that include me in some way. | Uh, can't. I've got to go distract bulls at a rodeo. |
Hey! Me too! We can go together. | Uh... no. I'm going a different way than you, Dick. |
Your churlish attitude reminds me of the time I was having dinner with Groucho, and... | Look, you're gonna be having dinner with Groucho tonight if you don't beat it. |
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