instruction stringlengths 1 496 | response stringlengths 1 472 |
|---|---|
I'm gonna send you to my chiropractor. | Hey, I thought real doctors hated chiropractors. |
Hello, Homer. I'm Doctor Steve. Please lie down. | Less yakkin', more crackin'. |
There we go. | Hey, it feels a little better. |
Honestly, it wouldn't bother me. | One, two, better-not-sue... |
I'm just yankin' your chain. I'm Jewish. | Ow! Owww, my back. Dr. Steve didn't do anything. |
Did you do those exercises he gave you? | Yeah, right. I did 'em while you were studying. |
Are you okay? | Yeah... In fact... |
Are you okay? | I feel fantastic! |
That trash can must have unkinked your back. | Not "trash can," son. Dr. Homer's Miracle Spine-O-Cylinder! Patent pending. |
Okay, okay. | And as you can see, the unique dents in my invention perfectly match the contours of the human vertebrains. |
Okay, okay. | Patent pending... Patent pending... Patent pending... Hey, who's this guy? |
You remember Jack... He's that talented painter who had a little brush with the law. | You brought a convict to live here, near my unpatented idea? |
So, Homer, you think you can fix my sciatica? | Hmm. I don't know what that is, so I'm gonna say yes. Now, go limp. |
Hey, it worked! My searing leg pain is now a gentle numbness. | Next! |
Simpson, you're not a licensed chiropractor. And you're stealing patients from me and Dr. Steffi! | Boy, talk about irony. The AMA tries to drive you guys out of business. Now you're doing the same to me. Think about the irony... |
You've been warned. Stop chiropracting. | Not unless you think about the irony. |
Careful, I'm frail. | Okay, that should do it, Moe. |
Is this El Clínico Magnífico? | Ah, you saw our bus ad. |
We'd, uh, like to invest in your spinal adjustment device. | We might be able to do business. |
We'll need to take some photographs. | Hey, where're you going with that? |
C'mon, c'mon, let's go! | Nooo! My Spine-O-Cylinder! |
C'mon, c'mon, let's go! | They'll pay for what they did to my can. |
Hey Dad, bet you five bucks you can't eat the whole box. | Five? Why don't we make it fifty? |
Hey Dad, bet you five bucks you can't eat the whole box. | You're gonna regret this. |
I'll call poison control. Fran, it's me. Just a heads-up. | Wow, the absorbed odors of a million meals... |
And you are banned for life from all of my performances and TV specials. | I can still see your movies, right? |
And you are banned for life from all of my performances and TV specials. | ...And I never saw Gallagher again. |
Ooh, it says here that special effects whiz Tom Savini is gonna be appearing at the comic book store tonight! | Tom Savini? |
I can't believe I'm gonna miss that! | Don't worry your spiky little head. I've got it all planned out. |
How could you have it planned out? You just heard about the problem. | You're right. Gimme a minute. Hmmm. |
Thanks for the tip-off. | No problem. |
Good evening. Sorry... I-I had a really big dinner... | Woo! Dinner! |
Sure, computer technology is here to stay. But there'll always be a place for the practical special effects wizard. | I love the theater. |
Hey Homer, who's the manatee? | Aw, now, be nice, Moe. This guy just got out of the hospital. |
Uh, piece o' crap. | C'mon, you're here to make friends. |
So many restaurants... | I can't decide. I throw myself on the mercy of the food court. |
Umm... I guess I'll, I'll have the chicken Tandoori. | And I'll have the beef Wellington. |
You know what else scares me? Everything! | Get that one! Faster! You got half time for the other ones. Oh, good. Oh no, that one's slowing up! Oh, good. Oh, that one's wobbling! Oh, up... you got that before I even said it. |
Oh. | Hey, let's get this down to the funeral home before they try to back out. |
Hmm. Well, this autopsy coupon appears to be valid. What other funerary services may we provide for the pre-deceased? | Oh, the whole deal. Coffin. Tombstone. Anti-stink spray. |
Sir, we prefer the term "casket" to "coffin." And "monument" to "tombstone." We have all the leading brands of anti-stink spray. | What funny names. |
Heh, heh, heh. Look at 'im go. | That thing got picture-in-picture? |
Of course! This is the "Contempo." | Ah, geez. How come they never call traveling anymore? |
Ooh, bury me over here. Pleeeease? | Whoa, whoa, this is gettin' kind of pricey. |
Hear that? If you cheapskate me into Hell, I'll haunt you good. Imagine this when you're sittin' on the john: | Okay! |
O-kay, with mole insurance, your total comes to... seventeen thousand dollars. | What?! |
Or, you could just toss him in the woods and let the wolves carry him off. It's really up to you. | Mr. Salesman? |
Yesss? | We're gonna go with the wolves. |
The Mauso-palooza can be seen from space. It will consume as much cement as a regulation-size tennis court. | Tennis court, eh?... |
Oh, I can't believe we went through all that, just to wind up with a tennis court. | I'll bet you didn't see that comin'. |
You don't care what happens to me when I die. | Of course I do, Dad. |
You don't care what happens to me when I die. | And if it were up to me, you wouldn't die at all... |
You don't care what happens to me when I die. | But try tellin' that to Killy McGee up there. |
You don't care what happens to me when I die. | What on Earth are you doing? |
Practicing tennis. | That's tennis?! Then what's the one where the chicks whale on each other? |
Foxy boxing? | Yes! That's what I wanted! |
Foxy boxing? | And finally, make sure the net is tight and springy. |
Foxy boxing? | That seems about right. |
You know, a tennis court can really make your house look classy. I hear Mel Brooks has one. I mean, Sir Mel Brooks. | And it's bad news for the gophers. |
And it's gonna do wonders for our social life. | Yeah, it'd be nice to entertain friends and have people over. |
Hey, you got a tennis court. | Keep walkin', Flanders. |
Will do. | Fas-ter. |
We win again! | Hey, this was a lot of fun, guys. |
Match point. | And how about that Stephanie the weather girl? |
That's game, set, and match to us. But the real winners here are Marge's hors d'oeuvres. | Wow. How do you come up with such witty remarks? |
I guess you could say, "I'm Iraqi!" | Get off my property. |
Especially bonnets. | I've had it with that school! |
Especially bonnets. | Door. |
Will you get serious, Homer? I'd like to win at least once. | Come on, Marge -- all sports have their lovable clowns: John Rocker, O.J. Simpson, Dorf... |
Hey, Homer. Here's a bloopie for ya. | I've got it! It's in the bag! |
You'll never guess what I heard in the supermarket today. I found out we're the laughingstock of the town. | Ohhh, well that's bad news for Dingbat Charlie. He's gonna be crushed. |
I thought our tennis court was bringing us a little respectability. Instead, people make fun of our lousiness. | Okay, now some of that is me. |
All of that is you. You've gotta take this more seriously. | Okay, honey. I can see this means a lot to you. I'll practice till my elbow is swollen and discolored. |
No, it's a smooth motion... You follow through with your racket. | Uh-oh. |
What? We're not ready to compete! | Don't worry. The tournament's not till tomorrow. Okay, get ready for the serve. |
Get 'em off! Get 'em off! | How embarrassing. You take over, Bart. |
Get 'em off! Get 'em off! | Lisa! Lisa, beer me. |
Get 'em off! Get 'em off! | I'll be right out, honey. |
Oh, that's okay. Bart's doing fine. You just have another beer. | Now that's the kinda nagging I can live with. |
Oh, that's okay. Bart's doing fine. You just have another beer. | So Barney's like "you're on your own, dude," and I'm like "not even." |
I don't know what this has to do with the Civil War. | I'm getting to that. |
Oh. Hi Dad. | With that little outfit on, everyone's gonna think you're playing in the tournament. |
I am playing in the tournament. | It's gonna be tough without a partner. |
I've got a partner. | Well, good for you! Anyone I know? |
Oh, hello, Homer. | Good morning, partner! |
Uh, there's something I should tell you. | The name of Bart's partner? I'm all ears. |
Well, actually, the name of Bart's partner is... | Yes, darling? |
I'm Bart's partner. | No. No, no, no. You're my partner. |
Oh, I'm sorry, Homie. We'll talk about it later, okay? | Nooo! |
Oh, I'm sorry, Homie. We'll talk about it later, okay? | Traitors! |
Oh, I'm sorry, Homie. We'll talk about it later, okay? | Uh-oh. |
Oh, I'm sorry, Homie. We'll talk about it later, okay? | I don't think they saw me. |
Oh, Homey, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. | Don't touch me. Your hands feel like salad tongs. |
I just wanted to win for once. Please don't take it as a threat to your manhood. | My manhood? I never thought of that! |
We can wipe out B.C. in our lifetime. | I don't care about B.C., I care about M.E. My enjoyment. |
Dad, you're just going through a classic oedipal anxiety. You remember the story of Oedipus, don't you? | Maybe five bucks would refresh my memory. |
Oedipus killed his father and married his mother. | Who pays for that wedding? |
I'm just saying you feel threatened by Bart, but it's all in your head. | You're right. But just to be safe, maybe I should chain him up. |
Dad, I think you're overreacting. | I think you're underreacting. |
This session's over. | This session's under. |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.