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cracked | more_like_men_of_l_a_response_to_that_women_of_l_a_video_with_noel_wells | Hi!
Welcome to LA! Thank you so much for meeting me at this cafe. Yeah. I can't believe I just graduated with a four year degree and now I'm in LA, pursuing a meaningful and rewarding career in the entertainment industry. All I need now is a long term boyfriend. Aww, honey. This is LA.
Guys here don't really like to ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_166_Paul_Field | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Petuta Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to the Petuta Advocate radio show, recording live here in downtown Petuta. You're joined by myself, Clancy Overall, and of course, Errol Parker, editor at large.
Morning, Errol. Good morning, Clancy. It'... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_182_Lech_Blaine_and_the_myth_of_the_larrikin | Yeah, you know what I always like to say about this podcast is that more often than not on this interview podcast, it's quantity over quality. Each week we have to shoehorn some radio host, some two-bit sportsman into this show to keep our listeners happy, but this week is not one of those weeks. This is a week where w... |
dropout | how_jfk_almost_caused_world_war_3_adam_ruins_everything | During the Cuban Missile Crisis, our young, handsome President Kennedy, along with his advisors, acted quickly and decisively in the face of clear Soviet aggression. These missiles in Cuba changed the balance of power so significantly that we only have one option, war. This is an unprovoked act of aggression. Gentlemen... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_214_Dave_Faulkner_from_Hoodoo_Gurus | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooda Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to The Batooda Advocate radio show. You're joined by myself, Clancy Overall and Errol Parker, editor at large.
There's been a lot going on in the news, a lot less than there was earlier in the year. But... |
TheOnion | How_To_Avoid_Unbearable_Facebook_Bullshit_On_Election_Day | The polls have only been open for a few hours, but already Facebook is being flooded with an incredible number of obnoxious election related wall posts and status updates Jason Copeland has some tips for surviving this onslaught of unbearable garbage Jason. Well, thank you Andrea your friends on Facebook Simply can't s... |
dropout | Breaking_News_Season_6_Trailer | The laughs start now. Global markets are crashing, gas prices are sky high, and my beef cheeks are ice cold. You idiots will read something like nipple here and crack up like you're 10. Bridges of four bitches. Dropout presents a new season of its critically ignored news show. We're not supposed to laugh.
Pervert was ... |
dropout | hardly_working_jump_the_shark | Dan, you don't have to do this. Don't try to stop me.
This is my last chance to jump over Brian Murphy before our big move to Los Angeles. Next Tuesday at 8. 3, 2, Uno. I can't take any more of this will they, won't they drama.
I love you and you know what? I think you love me too.
What do you say? Will you be my wi... |
TheOnion | Onion_Social_CEO_Answers_Your_Questions_On_Privacy_And_User_Data | During our break we gave the audience an opportunity to write down some questions they had for Jeremy. Are you ready to take some questions? Sure, all right Sandra asks I filled out multiple forms and submitted several urine samples Why do you make it so hard to get accepted is that a complaint?
You're hearing a lot J... |
SaturdayNightLive | top_gun_25th_anniversary_dvd_ii_saturday_night_live | The 25th Anniversary Dvd of Top Gun. Alan Alder. Son, you're ego's writing checks. your body can't care. that is a terrific line. I feel like I understand everything about this movie just from the one line. that's good writing, you know. I don't know about airplanes. Johnny Depp, Screen Test, Take One. you lost that lo... |
SaturdayNightLive | do_you_know_what_i_hate_night_watchmen_saturday_night_live | Hey, Willie. hi, Frankie. how's the West Wing? all secure. that's good. You know something, Frank? I don't like being a night watchman. there's nobody here. it means we're doing our job, Willie. I'm doing it well. yeah, but I liked it better when we was messengers.
I mean, and then I was out, I was meeting people. lik... |
cracked | pitching_mt_rushmore_stuff_that_must_have_happened | Right. Presents. Stop. That must have happened.
Now here's Secretary Crawford's stimulus proposal for the Black Hills region. Thank you Governor. Now, as we all know, the farmers of the Black Hills region have been struggling to get by with what little they have already. I propose that we invest in subsidies to keep c... |
TheOnion | Florida_Names_Penis_As_Official_State_Genital | Florida has named the human penis as its official state genital.
Florida officials announced that the penis will now be granted protected status and a fine would be levied against anyone attempting to harm them.
Native to the Everglades and worshipped by many native tribes of the area, Florida's history is intimately... |
TheOnion | Child_Bankrupts_Make_A_Wish_Foundation | But anyway, there they are and I guess they're just for decorative purposes. I don't know, right? Maybe you at home enjoy seeing them. Right.
Anyway, we have a story for you right now that is really going to get you steamed up. It's one of those abuses of power stories. Today, the Make-A-Wish Foundation, you know them... |
TheOnion | President_Faces_Down_Monster_In_Action_Packed_Schedule | Good morning, everyone. We have a lot to cover today, so I'm going to quickly run through the President's schedule, and then we'll take some questions after that.
At approximately 806 a.m., the President will be awoken by one of his closest advisors, who will tell him, Mr. President, a giant monster has entered Manhat... |
cracked | 6_things_you_do_every_day_that_have_horrifying_consequences | Hello, Internet patron! Good news! You're a terrible person. Yep, even you, guy who cuts up his six-pack rings and cleans out his whole food containers before recycling them. And you, lady, who donates to charities and participates in walks for cancer. I'm sorry, what's that?
She also writes public transportation. And... |
dropout | hardly_working_drawing_board_all_nighter_2012 | Guys, we still have to make more videos. Dan, any ideas?
Okay, so, you know how Cheetos turn your fingers orange? Like, what if other foods did that too? So, like, I'm eating a banana, and I'm like, YIKERS, MANERS TURN MY FINGIES YELLER!
Back to the drawing board, Dan. Sam, please, I said back to the drawing board.
... |
TheOnion | Study_Finds_Earth_Located_In_Lamest_Part_Of_Universe | For ages, scientists have associated the Earth's cosmic location with a wide spectrum of interstellar phenomena. But a study from the International Astronomical Union says that not only is the Earth far from the most interesting part of the cosmos, but is in fact located in the lamest, least awesome part of the univers... |
dropout | just_let_the_world_die | Here's the object on the Carlsbad telescope from 2.30 this morning. Based on this and infrared imaging, we believe that the impact will do... Impact? You're saying this thing's going to hit us? Oh yes sir.
This is what we call an extinction level event. If we do nothing, then on March 3rd, an asteroid the size of Texa... |
TheOnion | Boston_Globe_Tailors_Print_Edition_For_Three_Remaining_Subscribers | Boston Globe subscribers may notice a few changes this morning. The paper has revamped its print edition to better appeal to its three remaining readers. Michael Fisher of Boston, Camille Kresge of the nearby suburb of Quincy, and Buddy, the sole reader of the Adams Street Boston Public Library subscription. At a press... |
cracked | 3_jobs_that_crowdsourcing_is_making_obsolete_today_s_topic | And another one You're welcome science. You're not working on work. Are you I'm doing more important work than you could possibly imagine.
I'm looking for scallops Follow-up question. Do you listen to the things that you say seriously?
I'm part of this crowdsourcing network that's mapping the ocean floor and if I cli... |
dropout | Talent_Show_For_Howie_Mandel_Game_Changer_Battle_Royale_Clip | Please welcome back to the stage our voted-off players. Adam Conover, Ify Wadiwe, Izzy Rowland, and Rekha Shankar. Now, players, I'm a big believer in second chances, and so I'm going to give one of you the opportunity to come back into the competition.
We are going to have a little talent show. Call it a talent showd... |
TheOnion | New_Google_Phone_Service_Whispers_Targeted_Ads_Directly_Into_Users_Ears | The Google phone is slashing monthly fees thanks to an ad-supported service that whispers ads right into your ear. Jeff Tate has more. Thanks, Glenn. At a shareholders meeting yesterday, Google announced steep price cuts made possible by a revolutionary new voice recognition software that can detect keywords in users' ... |
TheOnion | A_Friend_s_Cancer_Good_For_Your_Health | Having a friend with cancer may be beneficial to your health. A new study finds 85% of people with friends battling cancer take up marathon running, charity softball, or long-distance cycling. The U.S. Surgeon General is now recommending that all Americans get close to a cancer patient, like Steve Baylor of Carbondale,... |
dropout | Every_Sketch_In_The_Trapp_Killed_Pat_Saga | This is a nice office. You don't expect something like this to happen here.
Yeah, we're all still pretty shaken up about it. There are still so many unanswered questions in this case. Who killed Pat? Why?
Where is this documentary going to be distributed? HBO? Netflix? How famous is this going to make me? These are t... |
cracked | 8_ways_survival_horror_games_make_no_sense | Late 1, huh? Hold on, why are you playing this game like seven hours ago? That depends. What time is it? Uh, midnight? I was gonna get a midnight snack, so... So it's midnight.
Shh! No, Ben. I wasn't.
I was watching a YouTube video of someone else playing it, then reading some reviews, then downloading and patching i... |
dropout | bad_dads_episode_2_with_michael_cera | Your mother was always pretty discouraging that a lot of the money she thought should have gone to you was going into my vampire trilogy development project. But as you can see, it's not been a waste because it's actually pretty far along.
Your mother hated this part. I used to try to explain this part of the story. T... |
SaturdayNightLive | fraternity_schooling_snl | On Your Knees, Plutch! Take Off that blindfold! Yeah, welcome to Hell Week!
Guys, I really gotta go study for a final. Sigmas don't study, frosh!
Yeah! Now what does this sweatshirt say? Sigwell, Amdo, Omega! And what does this paddle say? Brotherhood of Strength! And what does this say? Uh, this is some kind of menu... |
TheOnion | Victoria_s_Secret_Closes_After_Concluding_Women_Were_Never_Hot_Enough_To_Wear_Their_Underwear | A major announcement from Victoria's Secret today, the woman's beauty brand closing its operations for good and apologizing for ever thinking women could be hot enough to look good in their underwear, hear what their CEO had to say for himself. From the Onion & Onion Public Radio, I'm Leslie Price, and this is The Topi... |
dropout | chris_brown_s_publicist | Chris Breezy, that's my favorite triple threat. I kicked Nicki Minaj. Okay, you kicked her out of a club, or you? No, no, no, with my leg. I sizzled kicked that lady. Okay, not cool, buddy. You gotta get that temper in check. So she came at you first? She was sleeping. I broke a new house and I kicked her while she was... |
TheOnion | Archaeological_Dig_Uncovers_Ancient_Race_Of_Skeleton_People | A team of archaeologists have uncovered an ancient race of skeleton people. Experts believe the skinless, organless skeletons populated the Nile Delta region an estimated 6,000 years ago, and bear numerous similarities to humans today. These bone creatures may even be our earliest ancestors, possibly interbreeding with... |
TheOnion | Red_Sox_Sell_Out_Of_Commemorative_Collapse_2011_Hats_T_Shirts | Quick Goof Blast for you. The Red Sox record setting collapse is complete and the entire city is abuzz. The atmosphere here in Boston is simply electrifying. They're taking it with typical Red Sox Nation spirit, printing out big Meltdown t-shirts and knocking out collapsed 2011 hats like nobody's business. Now you'd th... |
TheOnion | Sex_House_Reunion_Ep_10 | 6 sexy singles lived in a house with nothing but booze, beds, and each other. It was a once-in-a-lifetime sexperience. It was Sex House. And the Sex Housemates! Welcome to the Sex House Season 1 Reunion Show. Tonight we're joined by the 6 sexy singles that America grew to love. Now of course you guys had some great tim... |
cracked | 5_bizarre_performances_in_otherwise_normal_movies | OK, so there was a day on the set of Titanic where some fucking hero put PCP in the lobster chowder, and everyone tripped their asses off for an entire day. That's one of my favorite stories, not just because catering with lobster chowder helps explain why Titanic went so ludicrously over budget, but because I like to ... |
cracked | why_pulp_fiction_will_be_studied_for_millennia | Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema, where we examine the last remaining artifacts of a once proud culture and try to understand what human lives were like before their planet was destroyed. I am your host, Garyx Wormuloid.
This week's film is Pulp Fiction, directed by acclaimed foot fetishist Quentin Tarantino... |
dropout | aladdin_s_mistake | Genie, come out! Jafar is gone! Get you!
I suppose you'll be wanting a third wish now? You know what you need to do. I wish... I wish for you to be human!
Ah, wait, what?! Ooh! Free, I said the word was free, not human! Same difference. And you had to say it right when I was coming out of the fucking lamp! Why does i... |
SaturdayNightLive | eddie_loves_white_people_snl | Hi, I recently got a letter that I'd like to share with you people out there. it says, dear Eddie Murphy, I'm nine years old and I'm your biggest fan. I like everything you do. the part I like best is when you say kill my landlord and I hate the white people. when I grow up, I want to hate white people Just like you. S... |
cracked | the_news_on_spitzer_on_cracked | Hi there, this is the news on Spitzer on Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman and I have not had sexual relations with Elliot Spitzer, yet. But yes, New York Governor Elliot's spitty-ditty Spitzer has gotten himself all tied up, pun intended, with a high-priced prostitution ring. It seems like Governor Spitzer is going down faste... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_186_Amy_Gerard | Good to see that it's raining outside for a change, you know, the farmers will love it. It's just a little bit more rain to finish off the crops before they harvest them in the summertime, so. Well, as Slim Dusty says, the best crops are always in flood reach, so hopefully not too much rain, but that is life on the lan... |
SaturdayNightLive | cologuard_snl | If you're over 45, that means it's time to start screening for colon cancer, and there's no easier way to do it than with Cologuard, the simple, efficient box delivered straight to your doorstep. Oh, hello. can I help you? Hi, I'm Cologuard, a non-invasive way to screen for colon cancer at home. Oh yeah, my doctor orde... |
TheOnion | Report_Some_Sick_Fuck_Out_There_Now_Supporting_Herman_Cain_Because_Of_Sexual_Assault_Allegations | Rick Santorum asks the US populace if he's still running for president. Burger King introduces a new thing to throw in front of your kids after another hellish day at work, and some sick fuck out there is now supporting Herman Cain because of his sexual assault allegations. If you insist on acting like a petulant child... |
dropout | eating_contest_ft_ben_schwartz_all_nighter_2012 | Who am I? What? Who am I?
With Jackie Chan. Literally my favorite DVD in the world.
You don't know about it?
Closer? Yeah. Closer? You don't know about closer? Yeah. No, no, no. Closer.
With Natalie Pertman? Yes. In Jewish law. Is that the one where you can eat piggies?
I don't know. Ugh. God, man. Get a life. I'm... |
cracked | 4_scarlet_witch_storylines_too_disturbing_for_wandavision_canonball | This video is brought to you by NordPass. Head over to NordPass.com slash YBOC and use code YBOC to get 70% off a two-year NordPass premium plan, finally secure all your passwords once and for all, and most importantly, you know, help out the show.
Everybody loves Wanda or Scarlet Witch, the Avenger with the ability t... |
dropout | hardly_working_adults | This is so much better than eating lunch. Mm-hmm. Healthier, too. Totally.
So Max, man, what are you gonna do in your internships over? Well, I got like three years left to college, so probably just that. Oh my god, three years.
You know, just sitting next to you, Max, I'm starting to feel, starting to feel like a li... |
cracked | the_7_deadly_sins_of_online_gaming | There's seven deadly sins. In the modern vernacular, everything one can do that is either fun and or noothed. But in the virtual world, they take on a whole new dimension of filthy, unrepentant jackassery. In single player games, you are supposed to pick up every random piece of garbage you stumble across like a hobo v... |
dropout | too_many_avengers | Oh, this is Rhodey, my partner. This time he's played by Cuba Gooding Jr. for some reason.
What's up guys? I'm not sure. Okay, whatever. Look, our planet needs us to...uh...yo. We just came from breakfast. I thought you two broke up. It's complicated. Alright, look, we need...can we help you? What's up bro?
Hope I'm ... |
dropout | if_the_president_made_a_viral_video_clip_from_bad_internet_ep_7 | Seven views? Well, yeah, but it's about to update, so it's now up to 248 views. That's it? This speech has been online for ten hours. I'm telling people the world is about to end. People think politics are boring. Okay. That's just the internet. We've broken all the major TV news broadcasts, right? Yeah.
Penetration o... |
rpunctuated | rpunctuated_amy_poehler_monologue_anxiety_dream_saturday_night_live | Ladies and gentlemen, Amy Poehler! Thank you so much. It is so good to be back. I Have to say hosting SNL is completely surreal for me. You Know, when I was in the cast, every now and then we'd get a real Diva host. And I Promised myself that if I ever hosted, I would be that diva. And I am the best in the world! You d... |
cracked | the_7_most_popular_lies_to_tell_in_online_dating_profiles_rom_com | Yeah, sorry, I'm a little embarrassed to be even using a dating site, you know? These bogus groups are completely anonymous, and just for our benefit. How have you found fine love so far? Honestly, I don't feel like this site gets me. You know, like I feel like I should be getting matched up with profiles that are more... |
cracked | nic_cage_almost_starred_in_a_tim_burton_superman_movie_where_he_d_fight_a_giant_spider | Well, baby-o, it's not exactly my ties and Yahtzee out here. Why'd you say that name? Say what you will about Tim Burton, but he did give us two solid Batman movies before Joel Schumacher came in and started slapping nipples on everything. And in the 90s, Warner Brothers hoped that Burton could repeat that success with... |
TheOnion | Oklahoma_Doctors_Can_Now_Legally_Pretend_To_Give_Abortions | This is the Onion News Network, a tomahawk of honesty in the skull of lies.
In another corner of the heartland, Oklahoma announced that it will be taking a new approach to the hot button issue of abortion. The state legislature passed a bill today making it legal for doctors who just pretend to give a woman an abortio... |
CrackerMilk | we_replace_elias_with_a_i | I want to know all the nastiest crimes you've done.
Oh, that was just this ****. Okay, that's enough. That's enough.
Bring the SWAT in, Jim! A little bit cheesecake. Oh, that is a bit criminal.
Where we take your YouTube comments and turn them into fun little comedy bits. I'm joined by Tom, Duke and Elias. If you ha... |
TheOnion | Jan_6_Rioters_Explain_Why_They_Stormed_The_Capitol | January 6th Rioters, why did you storm the capital? What's the point of having a bunch of cool guns and tactical gear if you never get to use it to overthrow the government? Violent video games and or popular music made me do it. Couldn't tell you. I didn't join the Proud Boys to think for myself. There are hardly any ... |
TheOnion | This_App_Turns_Your_Photos_into_Music_If_You_Want_to_Do_That_For_Some_Reason | Technology can improve the things people love. At least that's what my company believes. People love photography. That's obvious. But when we thought about photography, we realized one thing. Humans are limited to looking at photos with our eyes. That's a problem, right?
So we made an app, Picsong, the first program t... |
cracked | spitzer_the_musical_and_other_cracked_news_3_19_08 | Hey, it's Wednesday, March 19th, 2008, and this is the News On Cracked. Let's talk about Lex, baby. Let's talk about you and me. Because I'm Lex Friedman, and that's my name, Dee Dee Dee Dee.
Heather Mills was awarded about $49 million in her divorce from Paul McCartney, which is only a quarter of what she had been as... |
TheOnion | Football_Fans_Excited_To_Watch_Patriots_Or_Giants_Lose_Super_Bowl | Hi everyone, you're welcome to get out of my face if that's what you want to do. Oh my god, you're doing it wrong! Alright buddy, I'm Reggie Greengrass filling in for Kenny Kennedy who's currently being pursued by Repo Men somewhere west of Flagstaff. I'm Doc Brooks, I do not like this Reggie guy. If I knew where the G... |
TheOnion | 9_11_Conspiracy_Theories_Ridiculous_Al_Qaeda | A new book called The Truth About September 11th claims to present evidence that the destruction of the World Trade Center was not the work of terrorists, but was in fact perpetrated by the U.S. government. With us, the much-maligned book's author, William Girard. Most of the mainstream media, they're just too afraid t... |
cracked | where_has_cracked_been_and_what_are_we_doing_now | Hey everybody, I'm Jordan. That's my real name. Not real doctor.
And ever since we started putting out these new videos we've been getting a lot of questions like You know, it's cracked back and who the heck is this guy and will I ever find love? And so yeah figured I'd take some time to try and answer some of those q... |
dropout | YMCA_Water_Is_Only_1_Water_99_Old_People_Hair_Breaking_News | from West Hollywood California the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it anyone who laughs or breaks loses points this is breaking news good evening everyone welcome to the breaking news the show where we have no idea what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to smile or la... |
SaturdayNightLive | word_crunch_snl | You're watching the Game Show Network. Remember how Richard Dawson would kiss the entire family? Well, you do now. But first, it's one crunch. Welcome back to World Crunch.
I'm your host, Gene baby. say hello to our contestants, Kara, Sheila, and Dave. Hi there. happy to be here.
All right. game is simple. we'll show... |
dropout | photoshop_s_new_photobomb_tool | Hi, I'm Brian O'Neill Hughes, and I'm a Photoshop product manager. You may have seen our last video, introducing our new Content Aware Fill feature. Today, I'm going to introduce you to another feature we've developed.
It's called the Photo Bomb Tool. Here's an image I shot at a party, and it looked like fun when I to... |
cracked | how_trump_s_pardon_of_joe_arpaio_is_normal_and_also_super_f_ed_up | Oh hello, welcome to some bonus news. Twitter and the internet and the terrible car crash that's so bad you can't not look at it-esque actions of our president have turned everyone into constant media consumers and citizen pundits. Everyone is a media personality now, everyone has a take, and everything seems like the ... |
cracked | how_not_to_plan_a_prison_escape | Thanks for coming out. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Me too. And the kids, you know, they miss their daddy.
Quick! Put this on. Honey, you really should take your vitamins. I mean, I know them make you gassy. What the hell was that? The car's running outside. I'm busting you out. What's in that? Nothing! ... |
TheOnion | First_Female_Dictator_Hailed_As_Step_Forward_For_Women | East Timor has a troubled history, but tonight it is a place of inspiration and progress for women. Amoeba Gama seized control of the nation's capital today, becoming East Timor's first ever female dictator. Reporter Mark Ward has the story. It's been a long, hard journey for Amoeba Gama, but it was worth it. After a b... |
cracked | 12_21_07_week_in_douchebaggery_lynn_spears_jon_stewart | It's Friday, December 21st, and this is the News on Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and your mom said to say hi. So hi. How are ya? As I said, it's Friday, and you know what that means. No means yes.
And on top of that, it's time for the world-famous Cracked.com Week in Douchebaggery. Douchebag number five, Lynn Spears. Sh... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_games_starring_musicians | Welcome to Bleak Loop, College Humor's weekly video game show. I'm your host Jeff Rubin, and this week I'm here with John Gavers, who you might recognize from Roheemian Rhapsody, or the upcoming low-pass LLC on Spike TV, and College Humor's phone, Streeter Seidel, and Pat Cashel. We are playing video games starring mus... |
Wizards_with_Guns | wrangling_sandy | What was his name again? His name's Sandy. And he's your roommate? No, he's not my roommate, okay? He's been here and he just showed up and he says he wants to go home but he won't leave.
Okay. You'll see.
Sandy?
He's not here. No, he is here. Don't let him run!
What is he looking for? He wants like parts for like ... |
TheOnion | Bush_Tours_America_To_Survey_Damage_Caused_By_His_Presidency | We now continue our coverage of our top news story this morning, President Bush's tour of America to survey the damage caused by his disastrous presidency. Right, Tracey, here's what we know so far. The presidency started and hit America at around 10 a.m. Eastern Standard Time back on January 20, 2001. Now, so far that... |
cracked | why_magic_pixie_dream_girl_movies_are_uncomfortably_dark_splash_weird_science | I'm worried about Tom Hanks from Splash. Hmm? Oh, like the movie Splash? Where he meets a mermaid and they fall in love? No, I think you're thinking of a different splash. I'm talking about the splash where he has a mental breakdown. There's a movie with that plot with Tom Hanks, and it's also called Splash? I mean, I ... |
cracked | 6_weirdest_fan_tributes_to_mario_bros_ | Hey everybody, welcome to episode 9 of Crack TV, sponsored by the Wisconsin Association of Inuit Mechanics. They're a small group, but we appreciate the support. With me, as always, is my co-host, Clips of Women I Find Sexually Intimidating.
Wow, you look, um, you look really nice today, Clippy. You look cute in a ted... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_esolang_academic_2024 | You know, in Interkal, if police was not encountered often enough, the program gets rejected. I wish GitPRs were written in Interkal.
Do you happen to have a PS2 adapter for me? My main source of dopamine comes from arguing with 15-year-olds who find my repo on the Esolang Reddit and start bashing it. And then I bash ... |
cracked | proof_jj_abrams_doesn_t_understand_star_wars | Hi, I want to talk to you about Star Wars. Wait! Please stay!
I know. I'm tired of it too. But this is it now.
We're getting a new Star Wars movie once a year until the sun learns to talk. It doesn't matter if you're tired of talking about Star Wars. We are talking about Star Wars. Every year we're going to go throug... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | EP_101_Presidential_Race_Special_featuring_Nine_s_US_correspondent_Charlie_Croucher | Before we get into the blood sport that is American politics right now with our guest Charles Croucher a note from the sponsor of our Show this week KO and with both winter codes of football launching You can watch every game but the AFL and NRL Premiership seasons anytime anywhere in Australia with KO and don't be lik... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | A_Brave_Admission_Morning_Wood_Inflation_More_October_4 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the weekly Batutah Advocate bulletin. There's been a lot going on in the news.
There always is in this country of 25 million people divided down the middle by two religions particularly. We have the Protestants and we ha... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_234_6_months_of_Albanese_with_Lech_Blaine | Rishi Sunak has taken the reins as the British Prime Minister after a whopping 45 days from the predecessor Liz Truss, it was a very very funny turn of events there where Boris Johnson nearly became Prime Minister again, he must have been offered a very plum posting to not put his hat in the ring because he would have ... |
SaturdayNightLive | quinta_brunson_monologue_snl | Ladies and Gentlemen, Quinta Brunson! very much, my name is Quinta Brunson, And let me just first say, I am so excited to be here. I have been dreaming about this since I was home back in the day, but the audition process seemed long. So instead, I just created my own Tv show, made sure it became really popular, won a ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_18_emcee_kerser | Right now at Honda, find your kind of value with a low finance rate offer on selected Civic hatch and sedan models. There's never been a better time to get into a Civic. So talk to your local dealer and let's help you into a Honda today.
Tease and Seize Apply. Ends August 31st. See website for details.
You're listeni... |
cracked | an_urgent_message_to_guys_who_comment_on_internet_videos_with_grace_helbig_and_noel_wells | Hey, hi, hi, hello, hi, I'm an attractive woman on the internet You're someone who comments on my videos or articles so cute more more more What you say isn't always pleasant but honestly that's not what I'm here to talk to you about today though Yes, you are awful. You're awful more alarming though Is is those of you ... |
TheOnion | Obama_Vows_To_Stop_America_s_Shitty_Jobs_From_Going_Overseas | Obama will be meeting with blue collar workers from Indiana to Ohio this week to impart the message that if elected he would stop American's shitty jobs from going overseas. A statement from the Obama campaign today said the tour's purpose is to quote, send the message that we must stop the outsourcing of our most tedi... |
dropout | Game_Changer_Season_5_Trailer | Oh God, I'm so nervous. I hate it forever. Oh God, that's horrifying. This is not okay. I hate you! Oh, that's fucked up. You son of a bitch. This sucks! I'm gonna die before this episode's over.
You all understand how the game works. No! I've been told very little. Sam, you know we don't know how it works. Occasional... |
cracked | the_action_movie_with_the_best_car_chase_in_history_action_movie_debate | My mom is from Ireland. When we would go visit, sometimes I would stay home and I would get to rent a movie at the local video store. Season one of Twin Peaks had come out on TV. I went to the video store in Ireland and they had Twin Peaks on a VHS tape to rent. I can't stress this enough how unusual this was. This jus... |
dropout | Don_t_Laugh_News_Challenge_How_Goes_Gravity_Work | Hi. I still don't know what I'm about to say because I'm a big stupid idiot.
Go to Dropout.tv to start your free trial today. For every episode of Breaking News that's here, there's another episode only available on Dropout.tv.
Until next time, I'm Grant O'Brien, which is Irish for Grant of Bryan.
What's on the tele... |
cracked | assassin_s_creed_syndicate_cracked_responds | Uh, so, guys, there's this new Assassin's Creed game trailer for it. Hotly anticipated. Hotly.
Yes. Okay, I don't... Finally. Yeah.
Explain this game to me. That's a real endeavor, let me tell you. I do have to do stuff later this week, so...
That's a guy with a knife. He's got a knife.
That's alright. That's a beg... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Reviews_Captain_America_Civil_War | Wanda just like we practiced what about the gas get it out? This is Peter Rosenthal head film critic for the onion today I'll be discussing Captain America Civil War the latest action-packed entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe Which is unfortunately? Extremely difficult to follow given that only a handful of the cha... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_nerf_n_strike | Welcome to Bleep Bloop, I'm Jeff Rubin here with Pat Cassels and Matt McCarthy whose new album Come Clean is on iTunes.
Today we are playing with the Nerf End Strike, a Nerf gun that doubles as a Wii Remote holder and comes with a Nerf video game, Nerf End Strike Elite. I like this gun though because it means we're on... |
dropout | every_youtube_video_ever | Hey guys, it's me 28 year old guy with a haircut that makes him look like a 15 year old boy Or a girl in a low-cut shirt.
Thank you so much for clicking on the thumbnail of me screaming in front of a neon background Thanks for clicking my tits I've got a lot of celebrity internet video games gender stereotypes to talk... |
cracked | the_empire_are_just_rebels_who_have_their_sh_t_together_galactic_war_room | Sir, the shipment of medicine is late. We believe it had to reroute to avoid authority forces twice. Any food yet? One shipment was destroyed by the authority. One ran out of fuel last week. And now? The most recent fuel shipment's been rerouted, sir.
For any of these applications to join the authority? They're death ... |
dropout | adam_conover_of_adam_ruins_everything_q_a_live | Hello, everybody Adam here. I just playing some Game Boy in our Office at where we're making and it ruins everything season two Which is we just started writing it on Monday, it's coming out gonna be coming out next year around June I think we still got a couple more episodes from our first year airing Tuesdays at 2 p.... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_36_ian_healy | Hello listeners and thank you for tuning in to the Battuta advocate radio show or podcast if you're listening from outside our humble inland town. My name is Errol Parker and this show is coming out of the capital of the Sunshine State. Yes my name is Clancy overall as well thank you for listening. Yep down in Brisbane... |
dropout | You_Need_To_Go_BIGGER | Gosh, you seem happy today. That's because I love potato chips. Okay, cut. Lily, you're doing great, just keep doing what you're doing.
Grant, small note, can we try this next one just a little bit bigger? Little bigger? Yeah, it's playing a little subdued right now, so let's really see that emotion, go big, you know,... |
Wizards_with_Guns | megachurch_pastors_steal_360_000_in_christmas_donations | Let me just line that up. NO! Have little Susan from Tallahassee on the line with a very special Christmas prayer request. Susie? Why, of course Susan.
Ahem. Dear God, we pray that Susan's father makes tender, tender love to Susan's mother this Christmas. Amen. May he light her body on fire with a thousand pleasures, ... |
dropout | liking_rain_doesn_t_make_you_deep | Ugh. It's raining again in summer. Man, I hate rain. I didn't move to Southern California for the rain.
I moved here for the sunshine and did not pay taxes. You used to have to pay taxes here.
I don't think you're right about that.
Rain. Ugh, how I love the rain. Oh God, Rake is one of those I love the rain people. ... |
cracked | why_expiration_dates_are_b_s_ | Hey, did you get that from the mini fridge over there? Yeah, I got hungry. I'm pretty sure that yogurt's expired.
Oh, God. Oh, my God. I'm dying. Oh, God.
Call my mom. Tell her I'm sorry that I ate yogurt that was slightly past its expiration date. Carmen, you're dead. I know I am, but I'm not wrong. Hi, I'm Carmen, ... |
dropout | when_someone_gets_your_name_wrong | Rekha says I'm crazy, but if I was being Truman showed, you'd tell me, right Siobhan? What? Raph? You're crazy. Change the subject. I'm going to get a drink. You guys want anything? Siobhan? Ralph?
I'm perfectly fine. Thank you. No, no thanks. Alrighty.
Hey Siobhan, I noticed that your friend keeps calling me Ralph. ... |
cracked | we_figured_out_how_much_being_batman_would_cost_batman_bruce_wayne_movie_math | Welcome to Movie Math, where we task our crack team of PhD-holding internet scientists to exhaustively research the questions that really matter. Like, how much booze James Bond drinks, and how good at killing guys as John Wick.
Today, we'll be looking at one of the most moneyed of superheroes. The man behind the blac... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_116_Shane_Lee | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to The Batooter Advocate radio show, recording live from the Queensland Channel Country. A lot of big guests of late, say that at the start of every episode now.
Malcolm Turnbull, Bob Geldof. Sir Bob G... |
dropout | our_worst_hangovers_ever | My worst hangover story ever comes from when I was a bartender. One night after our shift, the whole staff of the restaurant went out drinking. It was what I like to call a Noah's Ark night. I had two of every animal. And right around 3, 3.30 in the morning, I said, oh no, I have a brunch shift tomorrow at 10 in the mo... |
TheOnion | Outbreaks_In_Victorian_England_Confirm_Coronavirus_Can_Spread_Through_Time_The_Topical_Ep_34 | And later, if you're too scared to go out to the store to buy hand sanitizer, don't worry. We'll show you how to make your own at home that tastes just like the real thing.
From the Onion & Onion Public Radio, I'm Leslie Price, and this is The Topical. If you meant to tune in to a podcast called The Tropical or The To... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_s_Tips_For_Succeeding_As_A_Woman_In_The_Workplace | If you're a woman starting a new job, it can be difficult to navigate a male-dominated office environment. Well, no need to worry any longer. Here are the onion's tips for succeeding as a woman in the workplace. As a new employee, it's important to assert yourself in front of your co-workers. On your first day, look fo... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_videogame_movies | When video games went mainstream in the 90s, of course they start to make live-action adaptations of some of the more popular titles. I'm Jeff Rubin, and joining me today to look at some of them we have Curtis Gwynn, John Gabris, and Pat Casas. Let's take a look at the first major live-action video game film, Mario Bro... |
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