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Wizards_with_Guns | tv_shows_where_the_detective_has_a_cool_gimmick_ | What do we got here male early 30s blunt force trauma no witnesses Even worse we can't find the murder weapon. That's because you're not looking close enough. Who's this guy? Hernandez meet sherbert locksmith. He's our new genius detective. Oh, yeah What does he see that we don't the murder weapon? The killer used this... |
cracked | 4_things_die_hard_movies_need_more_than_bruce_willis_obsessive_pop_culture_disorder | I am Daniel O'Brien, hello internet, and welcome to another episode of Obsessive Pop Culture Resort, the only show that has my stupid face talking too much about pop culture. We don't question why Superman can fly. John Quinceanis believed that there were mole people wanting to trade with them. Who's a winner of Oz? An... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_149_Duncan_McNab | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooda Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to The Batooda Advocate radio show recording here in downtown Batooda with myself Clancy Overall, editor of The Batooda Advocate and of course Errol Parker, editor at large. How are you Errol? Very good ... |
TheOnion | Owner_s_Box_Ben_Roethlisberger_Struggling_With_New_City_Ordinance_That_Allows_Food_Trucks_On_Field | Owner's Box, brought to you by Lenovo. You need a computer to play fantasy football, might as well be this one. Feel the comfort of a warm cloth draped around your neck.
I'm Barry Bigwell, and you're inside the Owner's Box for this week's Quarterback Report. Bigwell harsh truth.
It's time to drop Ben Roethlisberger a... |
Wizards_with_Guns | this_wizard_found_a_gun_ | Indeed! Now tell me boys, would you like to see a little magic? Heck yeah! Would you like to see a flash of fire faster than the speed of sound itself? Boy would we! That would be so cool!
Was that a god? What about another spell? One that can deafen even the most keen of hearing! Um- AH! AH! Ooh, ooh, magic! Ooh, did... |
dropout | hardly_working_my_two_true_loves | And you never see Wilson's mouth.
What? No! No way!
No, I'm telling you. I'm telling you, man.
Wow. Batman, what's the matter? That was a stupendous factoid. Oh, I know it was. I'm just kind of on the count down and down. Really? What's wrong, man? You can tell us. Yeah.
I go through life alone. No one to hold my h... |
cracked | signs_review_aka_rain_rain_swing_away | Welcome to Cracked Movie Club, the show where we do a book club, but for movies, which are like books, but better. I'm your host, Jordan Breeding, and I'm joined by only one co-host, because again, nobody cares about this podcast but me, Jesse. Say hello, Jesse. Yeah, hi. I barely care about this podcast.
I'm just goi... |
cracked | why_the_harry_potter_universe_is_secretly_terrifying_after_hours | No country was the first film to abandon the whole Christian good evil karmic balance supposition. What are you doing? I'm highlighting the parts of Harry Potter that support Dumbledore being gay. It's for a collage College but he gets hit by a car at the end. He gets punished, but then he gets right back up Grasped hi... |
dropout | how_texting_mind_games_will_ruin_your_life | Hey, how was your day with Craig? Tell me everything. He's cute, smart, funny, huh? Honestly, I think I'm gonna text him right now.
No!
What, are you kidding me, man? Boy, it's so much fun. Look, you gotta wait at least two days or you're gonna look desperate. Okay, I don't wanna mess this up. Oh, it's him. It's an i... |
cracked | president_trump_s_stupid_fake_news_awards_because_he_asked_some_news | Here is some of the news the new Avengers infinity war trailer made a racist remark while honoring Native American. Oh The president made a racist insensitive ignorant remark Okay, while honoring Native American code talkers very very special people You were here long before any of us were here Although we have a repre... |
cracked | president_donald_trump_hates_trumpcare_cnn_is_bad_news_some_news | Hey you! Here's, briefly, some news.
The head of Michigan's health department has been charged with involuntary manslaughter in the Flint water crisis. In response, the citizens of Flint have stated, Help! We are still so very thirsty and poisoned.
Scientists have discovered an extreme treatment for multiple sclerosi... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_China_Memes_Victoria_Local_News_More_December_4 | You're listening to the Petuta Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the Petuta Advocate weekly news bulletin got all three of us from the newsroom in the studio today you got myself editor Clancy Overall we've got cadet Wendell Hussey we still call him cadet even though he is on a pretty ha... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_kurt_and_deb_from_wyoming_on_rekindling_the_spark_snl | A new book aimed at helping married couples rekindle. The Spark in the Bedroom is showing up on several holiday must-have lists. here are its authors, Kurt and Deb from Wyoming. Hey guys, so why don't you tell us about how this book came about. Yeah, well, Deb and me have been married close to 20 years now. uh-huh. mm-... |
SaturdayNightLive | dua_lipa_monologue_snl | It's great to be back in 30 Rock. I actually made my Us Tv debut eight years ago downstairs on the Tonight Show. So this building does feel a lot like home. tonight, because my parents are here in the audience. as you can see, they're kind of cool. they love to party. one night I was out with my friends and we ended up... |
cracked | psychology_myths_you_believe_thanks_to_movies_the_cracked_podcast | We're sure to see you in the middle of the crack time. What's up, UCB Sunset?
The head of Cracked Video, the legs that just won't quit. Mr. Daniel O'Brien. The legs that just won't quit, the legs that just won't quit.
The rest of you has been laid off. I'm sorry to inform you.
And joining us this week, a professor o... |
SaturdayNightLive | people_s_court_bad_hair_day_snl | You're watching people's court. In today's case, Marlene Davis is suing her former hairdresser for $3,000 in damages after she received, quote, the haircut from Hell. this is the defendant, Shauna James, who is countersuing for $2,000, claiming she is not responsible and, quote, God don't like ugly. all rise for the ho... |
cracked | the_best_movies_ever_got_screwed_at_the_oscars_today_s_topic | What? No. No, no, no. Oh god, is it another 9-11? Basically.
I can't believe the Dark Knight didn't get nominated for Best Picture. Why didn't it at least get all five nominations for Best Original Screenplay?
A Lifetime Achievement Award for the motorcycle? Something! Okay, are you about to complain about the Academ... |
SaturdayNightLive | shopping_at_home_network_mark_hamill_for_sale_snl | We are back here at the shop at Home Network. I'm Don West. and I'm Andy Lewis. And we still have another four hours to go on our Star Wars Bonanza. That is right, Don.
And this Star Wars merchandise has been flying out the door like crazy. it certainly has. Unfortunately, we were completely sold out of the Jawa ashtr... |
dropout | crash_cab_where_the_drivers_are_the_contestants | New York cab drivers know the best ways to get around the city, but how much do they know about pop culture? It's time for Crash Cab! Crash Cab! Who pays for the cab? We'll pay for the cab.
Okay.
Let's hail the cab! Whoo! How you doing? Welcome to Crash Cab, Reverse Cash Cab, where cab drivers compete to earn a bigge... |
ClickHole | someone_mashed_up_panda_with_the_milkman_s_anthem_and_it_s_everything | You n***a pull up your panda Honeykillers on the stand What belongs in the house?
Credit cards and the scammers Hittin' the licks in the bank What does not belong inside the town? |
TheOnion | Deadly_Virus_Sweeping_China_Is_Just_Olympic_Fever | The Chinese government stepped forward today with a statement on the sickness that has hospitalized hundreds of citizens in recent days. Correcting a UN statement that had called the disease a highly contagious strain of avian flu, Chinese officials identified it as Olympic fever. Olympic fever is caused by the thrill ... |
SaturdayNightLive | dressing_room_tour_with_chloe_troast_and_molly_kearney_snl | What is up y'all? I'm here. 25 minutes to dress rehearsal. my name is Khloe Trost. this is me and Molly's dressing room. let's check it out. Hey Molly! Alright, so I hate to say it. we're not the best decorators. Why? that's gorgeous in here. So we have this. it says hot Set. that's Molly. found it in the trash. awesom... |
dropout | the_psychotic_earth_day_spokesman | Hi, I'm Scott Prescott F. We've been flushing these three toilets repeatedly for almost a week now. Pretty wasteful, right? Yet, this is exactly what you're doing. Wasting 3,000 gallons a year by not turning your shower off when you shampoo your hair.
For tips on being green, check out ecologyfirst.org. We parked a th... |
dropout | trump_has_the_best_goddamn_temperament | My question Mr. Trump was why is your judgment any different than Secretary Clinton's? Lester I have to say that my best asset is my temperament. I have a great temperament. I have a winning temperament.
It's great. Really? Really.
I have the greatest temperament. I mean it's fantastic temperament. How are you the on... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_111_Jesse_Tha_Monstar_Williams | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overill, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show, live from quarantine. You're joined by myself, Clancy Overill, editor of the Batooter Advocate, and of course Errol Parker, editor at large, sitting next to me,... |
cracked | what_the_season_finale_of_game_of_thrones_means_for_next_season_winter_is_taking_forever | Hey, everyone! Welcome to the final episode of Winter is Taking Forever. It's our season finale of this. I'm Daniel, I'm joined by Michael and Miles.
I knew we were in for some s**t immediately when it opened with, like, piano sonata. Everyone since the Godfather baptism scene has been trying to do the Godfather bapti... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_get_in_the_cage_with_liam_neeson_saturday_night_live | Now it's time for getting the Cage where actor Nicolas Cage sits down with fellow thespians to discuss their recent work. Please welcome Nicolas Cage and Liam Neeson. Thank you so much for coming! It's an honor to be here with the great Nick Cage. That's very kind You Liam!
Now you're in the upcoming film Battleship, ... |
dropout | you_ve_never_seen_star_wars | Movie Night! The one night a year we're allowed to watch movies.
Yeah, movies we love. Movies, movies are classics. They're great without doubts. They're simply the movies we can't live without.
Let's see Return of the King. Watch the Godfather once more. For the one hundredth time, let's rewatch Star Wars! I actuall... |
SaturdayNightLive | kenan_kelly_snl | So how did this all go down? it all happened so fast. Oh, Kenan Thompson, The Legend, please. Hey, can you have a fun? Yes, I'm working with my idols. Stop it. No, no, no, seriously, man, I grew up watching you as a kid. You know, I've always wanted to work with you. You know, I've actually got an idea for this project... |
cracked | 2017_people_watching_season_2_episode_1 | So how was 2017 for you? Disappointing. Oh my god, sometimes I have nightmares where it's still 2017. Why make a film about 2017, if you don't mind my asking? So we asked around and it seemed like a lot of people felt like 2017 was kind of a turning point in a lot of ways. Yeah, it did kind of feel like society was hea... |
cracked | why_aren_t_they_spending_money_advertising_wonder_woman | Okay, I'll go first. Wonder Woman! What's up with the advertising for the Wonder Woman movie? I did not realize that this movie was coming out so soon, and yet I have seen several billboards for how to be a Latin lover. Starring Rob Lowe. And we're honestly not the first to talk about it. We're not the only ones to not... |
cracked | if_dating_websites_were_people | Hi, I'm... If she expressed a racist opinion, break your comfort with that. Zero. So you... If your partner was unfaithful, would you burn books or the American flag? I don't... Okay.
Stale is to steal as 46125 is to what? That's irrelevant. Oh, if you say that's irrelevant, I can't get you laid. Go away.
Well, I act... |
TheOnion | Is_Taking_Vitamins_An_Adequate_Substitute_For_Eating_Rhino_Horns | Tastes like lollipop. It's good. Vitamins. They're good for us, right?
But as we learn more about nutrition, an increasing number of experts are starting to ask, are vitamins really an adequate substitute for eating a healthy, balanced diet of rhinoceros horn? Although vitamins can help round out your diet, there real... |
dropout | hardly_working_box_fort | Hey Jeff, can I talk to you for a second? Sure, come in.
So I know we talked about this before, you can't have the box fort, you're going to have to take it down. You know the thing is I looked into it and there's actually no rule that says you cannot have a box fort. Actually they're pretty much all rules that I can'... |
dropout | nude_cardboard_cutout_amir_tries_to_be_ampm_s_spokesman_part_3 | No, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Come here. As you know, I've been asking to be the spokesperson of am p.m What you don't know is that there's only one of me to go around. I made cardboard cutouts of me to scale This is both my height and my weight. What? I am way for thin He's so light this one is wearing a windbreaker, but he do... |
dropout | Disney_Parks_The_Next_Big_Movie_Franchise | Animated classics, live action reboots, Pixar, Star Wars, Marvel Cinematic Universe. We own it all, but it's not enough. We here at Disney will not rest until we have drained every last dime out of every franchise we own. Hell yeah! That is why we are launching the Disney theme park Cinematic Universe. Pirates of the C... |
cracked | explaining_all_the_matrix_movies_1_4 | Hello, Mr. Greeting, I've imprisoned you in the Matrix. The only way to escape back to the world of the real is to watch and explain every Matrix movie. What?
I think he's gonna pop. Gonna pop.
Greeting. Uh, fine. The logos are green and shit, that's cool, you know, Warner Brothers is green and glitchy. You know some... |
dropout | what_genie_and_abu_have_in_common_fans_vs_faves_pt_2 | from Holidex to Hollow Knight nerds like a lot of things but there's something they love above all else and that is correcting people this is um actually joining us today we have Caldwell Tanner hi we have Jess Ross hello and a very special fan guest all the way from Chicagoland it's Alyssa Rusinellis hi thanks for hav... |
dropout | the_adventures_of_kim_jong_un_and_dennis_rodman | At 8 p.m. on True Korea Only Channel, it's Rodman and Un, crime haters. One is a handsome ladies' man, and the other overstates his famous friends. I deserve this. Then at 9, it's Rodman and Un again, but this time they fight vampires. Don't worry, they can only hurt those who lie about being the world's most famous ba... |
cracked | 12_14_07_news_on_cracked_the_week_in_douchebaggery_mlb | It's Friday, December 14th, and this is the News On Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and I'm in a hotel room. It's time for everyone's favorite, The Week in Douchebaggery. Douchebag number five, Paris Hilton.
Paris has done a nude ad campaign for charity. But isn't Paris doing a nude ad campaign for charity, sort of like Ba... |
dropout | why_people_think_video_games_are_just_for_boys_adam_ruins_everything | Early video games like Pong were totally unisex. Am I a boy dot or a girl dot? You're just a dot. In fact, the game was marketed to the entire family. What about Pac-Man? He was a boy. True. But the game was so popular with women that when it came time for a sequel, the developers gave it a female main character, Ms. P... |
TheOnion | Brooklyn_Bridge_Opens_Completely_Revolutionizes_Suicide_In_Fetid_Hellhole_Of_New_York_City | From 1941, when an amoeba became the first single-celled organism to play professional baseball, to 1794, when Thomas Jefferson more than likely did something historically significant, The Onion looks back at this week in history. On May 22, 1992, beloved talk show host Johnny Carson ended his 30-year run of hosting Th... |
dropout | the_michael_showalter_showalter_with_paul_rudd | Hello, I'm Michael Showalter, and this is the Michael Showalter Showalter. On tonight's show, I'm very pleased to have comic actor, Paul Rudd.
This is some good Dr. Pepper. We pretend that it's espresso. If you pour the soda in, it foams up and it almost looks like it's, you know, like foam from an espresso.
In the p... |
SaturdayNightLive | pregnant_co_worker_snl | Oh, my God, a waffle maker. that is so nice, Jackie. Well, I just thought maybe you could do Sunday morning waffles with your little girl. that's so sweet. I could cry. we're just so happy for you, Susie. yeah, and we're really gonna miss you.
Well, I'll be back in a few months unless Jim fires me. Oh, come on, now. I... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_rock_roll_hall_of_fame_inductees_world_s_oldest_living_dog_snl | A new report shows that about six million Americans now identify as Afro-latino. Afro-latino is also what Spirit Halloween calls their unlicensed Bruno Mars costume.
Oh! New York City has launched a new campaign to stop speeding in the city with a series of signs designed to scare drivers. the terrifying signs read si... |
dropout | gimmick_workouts_aren_t_real_exercise_hardly_working | Oh, if we hurry, we can still make the boot camp class. Oh, I like cord crusher. Hey, Grant, we're going to try a shock gym down the street.
You want to come? Fuck all that. I got a burden going right now. What do you mean? I'm mid workout. How so? Come, come.
This is the max stool total body workout system. You're s... |
TheOnion | Should_Animals_Have_More_Eyes | Eyes are what allow us and virtually all animals to see the world around us. The question is, should animals have more eyes than they already do? It's pretty safe to say there are no downsides to more eyes. Just imagine if a rabbit had extra eyes on its stomach and its back. Now, not only could that rabbit keep a close... |
ClickHole | cosby_fans_rejoice_here_s_a_way_to_enjoy_the_cosby_show_without_feeling_weird | Good for it. You promised me you were going to pay me back today. The day's not over is it? What are you two doing?
Theo owes me five dollars. You too. Look Vanessa, I don't owe you five dollars. I owe you three. You know, lately I've been hearing you owe, and at the front and the back of it, I hear the name Theo. I d... |
TheOnion | Congress_Debates_Merits_Of_New_Catchphrase | I would like to voice my support for H.R. 766. Economic indicators suggest that nanotechnology will be a trillion dollar industry by the year 2010. H.R. 766 will position the United States as a global leader in this truly pranking new market. Excuse me, Congressman, could you please repeat that?
Well, at least it does... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_Taylor_s_Cancelled_Concerts_Albo_s_Bux_Pissed_Politicians_and_Yassssbetos_Stri_ | You're listening to a DM podcast. You're listening to The Batooter Advocate's weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Don't waste your time on me. You're already the voice inside me. Welcome back to The Batooter Advocate radio show, as you can see a couple of introspective white men here kind of buoyed by the arrival ... |
dropout | Which_CH_Castmember_Are_You | And then it was just a totally accidental orgy. This is all very Grant of you. You're the new Grant! Ooh, who am I? You're trapped.
For sure. You're like a little techy and responsible, extroverted. With a little Jess, you know, sweet and nerdy. Aww. Oh and Lily, you're not like Jess Grant, you have like a pinch of Re... |
TheOnion | Today_Now_Porkin_Across_America_Ep_8 | Welcome back to Today Now, and a warm Today Now welcome to my permanent new co-host, Brad P. Thanks, Tracey. Every morning here with you and America is a pleasure.
But first, we have a local farmer who's had a strange visitor to his pigsty, a real-life human pig. That's right, Tracey. Now, we should warn viewers that ... |
dropout | i_need_more_intel_is_that_hot_guy_gay | At least it's not an avocado. Shut up.
I'm gonna go get something from the bar. Do you need anything? I'll take another bourbon. Extra avocado, right?
Yeah. Bro, are you reading this? Bro. Copy.
I got visual. This guy's hot as fuck.
I've got to figure out if he's gay. But do a scan to see if he has a grinder profil... |
cracked | the_worst_advice_to_get_in_your_20_s | Hi, I'm Cracked Associate Producer Bridget Greenberg, and here I am, on the internet, where people from all over the world come together to share opinions and ideas and we messed it up, you guys, we messed it up bad. See, the internet is mostly written by millennials who don't have that much life experience, so the bri... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_20_03_20_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate Weekly News Bulletin and what a fucking weird time to be alive. This week you're joined by myself Clancy Overhill editor of the Batutah Advocate, Errol Parker editor at large, he's not with us today,... |
cracked | the_dark_side_of_celebrity_charity_cracked_explains | William Shatner's kidney stone funded habitat for humanity, Holyfield v. Romney helped cure blindness, and celebrity acts of generosity are always fueled out of pure compassion for their common man. Hi, I'm Greg. An online casino facilitated the charitable sale of the space man's calcium deposit. An exhibition boxing m... |
SaturdayNightLive | subway_platform_snl | Mr. Douglas Yes, my name is Darius Cole. I applied for the commodities broker position at your firm. Ah, well, we haven't made a decision yet. but as soon as we do, we'll notify all the applicants by mail.
I'm not sure I follow. You don't have an address? No, sir.
Past couple months. I've been living out of my car. S... |
cracked | why_romantic_comedies_are_secretly_bad_for_you_after_hours | Don't think we need to count points to know who won. I think we should.
Congratulations on being a middle-aged woman. Thank you. Would anyone else like some chamomile? New category.
Chick-flicks are bullshit. People get their panties in a twist over sex and violence in movies all the time, but the real threat is love... |
dropout | spiderman_s_weakness | Not as fast as you, though, with your web. Yeah, uh, see, my web, it really only works in, like, close proximity. Well, yeah, just, you know, swish, swish through the trees to catch up. Yeah, I don't really do the swish, swish...
I mean, it gets all caught up in the branches and stuff. It's a mess.
Tall buildings are... |
TheOnion | Russell_Crowe_Praised_For_Stunning_Portrayal_Of_Man_Who_Cannot_Sing_Or_Act_In_Les_Mis | But first, in entertainment news, Les Mis hit theaters over the holidays and critics are buzzing about Russell Crowe's stunningly realistic portrayal of a man who has no singing or acting talent whatsoever. The Australian star spoke to Entertainment Weekly about his go-for-broke interpretation of the cruel prison guard... |
dropout | the_grossest_words_ever | Hi, I'm Emily and I'm Dan and the following is a dramatic scene using all of the grossest words in the English language See if you can make it through this meal is so moist it's like a Succulent fudgy ooze all these mucus II moist veggies and crud I wonder whose brainchild this moist meal was it's giving me goose pimpl... |
dropout | you_deserve_a_nobel_prize_ch_shorts | Your Majesties, your Royal Highness's esteemed Nobel laureates, thank you all for joining us. We are here to honor those who made great strides in the fields of science, literature, and peace. Also those who kind of meant well and did something a little out of their way.
First up, Cassidy. Cassidy did that thing where... |
SaturdayNightLive | house_of_the_dragon_snl | Anyone out here watching this new show, House of Dragons? I am the biggest Game of Thrones fan. I love their new show. And I got to tell you, I love that they're including black characters, but to be honest, the black characters, they take me out of it a little bit with the step-bond hair and the old-time accents. it's... |
dropout | hardly_working_rap_battle | Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo You can't hack this, you're the wackness It's Mo Rockover's act, Galifianakis That's right, leave your head spinning like a dreidel Knock your socks off and the locks off your bagel That's right, see I'm winning Your face looks like mayonnaise that's grinning You're lucky you're wear... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_starbase | Welcome to Bleep Loop. I'm Jeff Rubin here with Pat Castles. Today we are continuing our work with Stride to save the arcade so we have come all the way to outer space. No, we're not in space. We are in San Rafael, California at Starbase Arcade with the owner Bob, who I don't think is an alien, correct?
That's correct... |
dropout | Delicious_Kitchen_Fire_Caramelizes_Dozens_of_People_No_Laugh_Newsroom | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points. This is Breaking News. Hello and welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we're not allowed to smile or laugh.
I'm M... |
dropout | horror_movie_girl_is_embarrassed_she_s_a_virgin | Okay, I think we lost him. The police should be here any minute. All we have to do, all you have to do is die.
You better think twice before having sex or you'll join them. Wait, why did you kill my friends? I answer the dark spirit's call by killing impure non-verge ins. So all my friends had sex every single one of ... |
TheOnion | Netflix_Limits_Users_To_One_Eye_Per_Screen | Netflix is cracking down on sharing accounts with a brand new policy limiting users to just one eye per screen. The streaming giant recently updated their official account sharing policy, stating that quote, "...starting today, account holders who watch Netflix programs will only be able to do so with one eye at a time... |
dropout | what_to_do_in_an_earthquake | Get ready to lose. Ha ha ha. Whoa! It's an earthquake.
Everybody get under your desks and shield yourselves from debris. No, no, you need to get on top of the desks. We don't collapse on top of you. No, I think we get in the doorways because that's where the beams are strongest.
I think that used to be good, but now ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_24_michaela_whitbourn | Remember those cute kid shows you used to love?
Hey folks! Well f**k me! Well not like this you don't.
50 cents sounds just good.
And thank you to all the people who have downloaded this show as a podcast listener. My name is Errol Parker and with me, as always, is Clancy Overall. Yes hello hello thanks for joining ... |
dropout | Amy_Vorpahl_Simply_Loses_Her_Mind_Breaking_News | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Hello, and welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to smile or laugh.
I'm H... |
cracked | 4_secret_origins_of_character_names_canonball | William Shakespeare once wrote, what's in a name? What is a man? That which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet. He also wrote in Titus Andronica's Act 4, Scene 2, villain, I have done thy mother.
But let's focus on the name thing, because that's more relevant to this video. So, are names really that... |
TheOnion | America_s_Breathiest_Singer_America_s_Best_Ep_1 | Americans are lining up for the chance to advance to the America's Best quarterfinals in fantastic New York State. And America's Best reality show judges have returned for another season of making dreams come true or destroying people on a whim. 350 million competitors, but only one will be called America's Best. 20-ye... |
dropout | what_would_you_text_for_money_phone_game_show | Hey guys, we're doing a new show with watchable called I want my phone back We're calling it the scariest game show ever if you like it You want to watch more episodes click the link below in the description. All right, it's gonna start right now Now Now Okay, it's starting now Now phones have been around for a long ti... |
SaturdayNightLive | nail_salon_snl | Ugh, I can't believe you talked me into coming into a nail salon. Greg, stop. men get their nails done all the time.
Well, I'm not like other men, Nina. we're ready for you two. I love when we get couples in here. screw those gender roles. Now, what color are we gonna paint ya? um, I don't know, something low-key, lik... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Scotty_Pulls_Back_Exciting_News_For_ALP_Trouble_To_Come_More_March_25 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate weekly bullet and thank you for tuning in wherever you are in the world be that on the wireless on the podcast apps that you have in your phone some you downloaded yourself some were put there by App... |
dropout | new_iphones_are_like_new_girlfriends | This is Jim. Jim just got into a new relationship. Jim, well, let's just say he's head over heels in love.
So gorgeous. He spends every waking moment with her. She's the first thing he sees every morning. What's the weather going to be like today? And the last thing he sees every night.
Did he set the alarm for 8 30?... |
dropout | are_you_nerdy_enough | Charlotte was supposed to be in a sorority at Smith College, but that's a historical women's college that did not enroll in Greek life.
And that is every inaccuracy in the Sex and the City series.
Nope. Not nerdy. Next. Hmm, yes? I can recite the entire Lord of the Rings series in Sindarin. Oh, great. Yes. You're goo... |
cracked | how_the_walking_dead_sounds_if_you_ve_never_seen_it_cracked_responds | I'm sorry for all the huge fans, but I can fight a zombie. No problem. Yeah, I think that's pretty apparent, like, at the point that we're in the show, anybody can fight a zombie, really, like, they're just kind of dried out, they're not really, they're not the threat anymore. Right. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Because ... |
cracked | why_does_spider_man_have_so_many_girlfriends_w_matt_mcmuscles | It's Quarators time. 🎵 Quarators 🎵 And we're back with Quarators another week here on Cracked.com, home of the fact. Official slogan of Cracked.com. We're your hosts Alex and Jeremy, I'm Alex.
I'm Jeremy, how's it going? It's... How is it going? It's going alright. It's fine!
We had a great guest for you this week,... |
dropout | outtakes_sex_daddies_celebrate_father_s_day | This is the one day a year when daddy can get it, but dads are impossible to show up, not dads. What if I just send a picture of my big hog because I'm usually blindfolded so he can use me like his cum-dum-cockslee.
You respectful, Raph. Well. It's just the same.
You know, like a daddy. Like a bump in the night, dad.... |
dropout | honest_trip_to_the_doctor | Hi! I'm here for my annual physical. I haven't been in years because I didn't have health insurance. Great!
Fill out this stack of paperwork that you know none of the information for and wait an hour after your scheduled appointment to be seen. Really? An hour? Even though there's literally no one else here. Mm-hmm. S... |
cracked | week_in_douchebaggery_ashley_alexandra_dupre_and_more_3_14 | It's Friday, March 14th, 2008, and this is the News on Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and we have no time for opening sequences. And I will, I will, rock you. Stomp stomp clap.
Congress. Democratic leaders in Congress agreed yesterday to a closed session to debate legislation about surveillance. The good news is, is that ... |
dropout | the_church_for_people_who_are_spiritual_but_not_religious | Welcome. We are gathered here today because we are spiritual, but not like religious, you know? I don't believe in organized religion except for Eastern religion which I am interested in. It's just like deep river. We are here today because we reject the bullshit from one book so we can cherry pick and choose the bulls... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | A_Mysterious_Outbreak_Cops_Out_West_Scotty_s_Coping_Mechanisms_More_July_9 | Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate weekly news board and some sorry news down south as the community cases continue to grow old gold standard Gladys is finally up against a situation that she can't bluff her way out of and it's looking pretty grim for the people of Greater Sydney things are fine in the Diamantina Shi... |
dropout | we_ll_buy_this_guy_s_dreadlocks_banana_for_2_600_if_you_like_our_facebook_post | By now, I'm sure you've heard of the New Hampshire man, Henry Griebum, who spent his life savings of $2600 trying to win an Xbox Kinect for his kids at a carnival game. Instead of winning the Xbox Kinect, though, he won a giant banana with dreadlocks. A tragic tale of deceitful, evil carneys taking advantage of an eage... |
CrackerMilk | forcing_our_friend_into_couples_therapy_ft_hundar | Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the cracker milk podcast. We are joined by a very special guest. He somehow has avoided all of the COVID restrictions, snuck onto a plane, probably in the undercarriage. I'm pretty sure I saw him slit the throat of a small shih tzu and climb into the cage to get to ... |
TheOnion | Nation_Agrees_Justin_Bieber_s_Inevitable_Meltdown_Could_Be_Interesting_To_Watch | Cancer topples Hugo Chavez in a bloodless coup. A poll finds that 99% of human beings would prefer a big slobbery hound dog pope. And Andrea Bocelli is smelling the shit out of a red rose. It's time once again for the brilliant metaphor for all existence that is The Onion We Can Review.
This week the nation agreed tha... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Happy_Pride_A_Name_Change_for_Toronto_Another_Week_Another_Shoey_The_Day_My_Bum_Acted_Out_of_ | Welcome back to the Weekly Petuda News Bulletin where we dissect the week that was and talk about some of the biggest stories to come through the printing press of Petuda Advocate Australia's oldest and most favourite newspaper based out here in Petuda. You're obviously hearing right now the words coming out of my mout... |
TheOnion | Pope_Francis_Nobody_Out_Molests_The_Catholic_Church_The_Onion_Presents_The_Topical_Episode_15 | A major announcement from the Vatican today, coming in response to the sexual abuse scandals that have rocked the Catholic Church, Pope Francis himself delivering a strong message. Nobody, and I mean nobody, out molests the Catholic Church, especially not some goddamn Boy Scouts. Should the Boy Scouts of America be wor... |
dropout | who_s_the_boss | Wow. What? It's like 4.30. No, that's not it. You're always like seven hours late. Consistent?
I'm surprised you're not fired. Why would I be fired?
Do you not remember yesterday? Hey, buddy. Only a hundred likes in your last article. You're slipping there. What's that? Hey, come here. Hey, what the fuck out of this?... |
dropout | november_is_coming | Do you hear them, Joe Biddy? It was but a fortnight hence they asked me to be their leader. And now they call for my head!
The rabble of fickle, my lord parrot. Why do they hate me so? I sought to make healing elixirs floweth freely, and to bring home our brave knights, and yet they curse me. My armies are scattered. ... |
rpunctuated | rpunctuated_acting_class_snl | And Remember, you are not students in an acting class. You are a hoe and a pimp on skid row. Go. The Hell is this, bitch? A Whole night of hoeing, and all you bring me is $150? I told you. When A Fuzzy's Hoe's robbed me, Daddy. Stop The scene! Oh, I Didn't believe a word of that. You Two always come off as two white pe... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_6_4_18_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | Right now at Honda, find your kind of value with a low finance rate offer on selected Civic hatch and sedan models. There's never been a better time to get into a Civic, so talk to your local dealer and let's help you into a Honda today.
T's and C's apply. Ends August 31st. See website for details. G'day, I'm Bruce Hi... |
cracked | the_hardest_product_to_sell_after_back_to_school_sales_end | Look, I don't want to make a big thing out of this. There's no reason for us to turn this into some kind of big, something big, like long.
Protracted? Get out! Go. See you tomorrow. This is serious.
Sales are at an all-time high. What do we possibly have to worry about? I've been in the protracted business for a very... |
cracked | 4_awful_ways_our_ancestors_got_high_that_we_tested_cracked_goes_there_with_robert_evans | Hi, I'm Robert Evans. I work here at Cracked, and I'm something of an amateur drug historian. You could call me a archaeologist. And I spent the last year working on a book, a brief history of vice, that experiments with all the ancient ways our ancestors used to get high. And today, I've brought four of those methods ... |
cracked | zack_snyder_s_justice_league_for_20_deleted_scenes_bloopers | I have 10,100,000 whales in the swamps for Darkseid! Yeah! Wait, you're Darkseid? Oh, yeah. There was a snide cut for Justice League which kinda sucked but you don't really care I'm doing this right. Meat snap! Damn it!
You broke it! That's okay, I can hold it like this. You're busted. Yeah, choke up, bro.
I know you... |
dropout | Framing_Someone_for_Murder_is_So_Awkward_Kingpin_Katie | What should I get? Every time we come here, you get the pancakes. I should try something. Get the pancakes. You want the pancakes.
What? What's happening? We can't stay. Why?
Don't look now, but there is a man wearing an American flag bandana over his pink mullet. And he's covered in sexy lady tattoos and, like, fres... |
dropout | ace_and_jocelyn_episode_2 | Hey, what strange and foreign planet are we on today Ace? Oh, not this again. Ooh, what crazy denim pants are these?
Go on and strut them for the camera.
I have an idea. Why don't you just leave, okay? Get out of here. Do something else. Good thinking my co-astronaut accountant. We could cover more ground that way. U... |
dropout | what_it_s_like_to_be_super_high_pov | The joke is that we've been preparing for this party is awesome probably shouldn't smoke though Make me a little anti-social. I'll just politely decline and sure I'll take a hit It's good shit, huh? It's hydro hash infused indica from Amsterdam It's super mellow. Don't worry about it. Oh Super mellow probably won't eve... |
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