section stringclasses 14
values | filename stringlengths 3 100 | text stringlengths 77 235k |
|---|---|---|
cracked | why_every_hollywood_western_is_secretly_a_mad_max_type_movie_today_s_topic | Hey, did you see Mad Max Fury Road? I showed my newborn child Mad Max Fury Road. It's awesome, isn't it?
Let's say I'm willing to know. If we're talking about Westerns as an overall genre, right, mashing them all together, treating all 83 Westerns John Wayne did as one movie. If we have to.
A couple big tropes emerge... |
SaturdayNightLive | please_don_t_destroy_road_trip_snl | I've just been doing a lot of press and these different jobs and don't get me wrong. I'm really, really grateful. It's just I'm starting to feel a little burnt out. Oh, that sucks.
Mark. are you ready with the playlist? Yeah! Oh, and I got the slurpees. Dude. nice. I'm sorry. what are you guys doing? we're going on a ... |
dropout | locked_in_a_coffin_for_1000 | I am going to put you, who seems pretty clear to have gone through a goth phase. How dare you? You've gone through a goth phase. No, I missed it because I was Christian. I went in the oven through a holy fizz.
Then this is even better. This is even better. Allie Beardsley, I'm going to put you in a coffin for an entir... |
TheOnion | What_Is_Your_Amateur_Porn_Telling_Employers_About_You | A new report finds that over 60% of employers are now checking online amateur pornography of potential job candidates. Is it fair to base hiring decisions on an applicant's online porn? This is not fair at all. For instance, if there's a red tube video of my girlfriend slapping me and choking me and riding me, that sho... |
cracked | does_not_compute_the_4_most_mind_blowing_things_ever_captured_with_a_gopro | Little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little. Huh? Oh, hey internet, don't mind me. Just slowly withering away into mundanity.
You know, seeking wicked action in my life. Being an android trapped below the surface of the Earth after a mild to moderate apocalypse is not nearly as entertaining as culti... |
cracked | how_to_fix_america_s_bathrooms_in_3_easy_steps | Bathrooms. You can't live with them, but yes, you can. Most of us do. And they're a real head scratcher in terms of who should be allowed in which bathroom.
Specifically, should trans women and trans men be allowed to use the women's room and men's room, respectively? Or should trans women and trans men be forced to u... |
TheOnion | Jim_Haggerty_Porks_The_USA_Porkin_Across_America_Ep_1 | I'm Jim Haggerty. You know me as the host of Today Now, but I've also eaten in a ton of restaurants. Now I'm heading out on the road. My mission?
Find the best pork our country has to offer. And I won't stop until I hit all 50 states. This is Jim Haggerty, porkin' across America. We're tasting prime pork dishes in eve... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | INTERVIEW_Rohit_Bhargava_The_FuTuRisT_Live_from_SXSW_Sydney | South by Southwest we're very honored to be here and today's guest has been invited to keynote events in 32 countries but I bet you he's never had the shaling dumplings like they do down in Haymarket. I don't think he would have had anything like that. Did they have them in East Ocean? Nah, nah right. You should check ... |
dropout | if_things_turned_out_differently | Sorry I'm late, bro. There were so many PT cruisers out there, I couldn't even find a place to park my segue. Toss me a Zima, bro. All out, bro. We got Surge, Newco, Coke 2, and Crystal Pepsi. XFL playoffs are on. Turn it up, bro. Oh, it's the Orlando Range versus the Las Vegas Outlaws.
That was number one! That's my ... |
TheOnion | pop_pilgrims_philadelphia_the_rocky_stairs | When the AV Club travels, we always make time to visit pop culture landmarks. If something memorable happened in the world of film, TV, books, or music, we want to go there. We're not just tourists, we're pop pilgrims.
Today we're at the Philadelphia Museum of Art at the foot of what some call the Rocky Steps, as seen... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_goldeneye_then_now | This episode of Leap Loop is brought to you by Stride 2.0, the ridiculously long-lasting gum. Now upgraded to 2.0, we're going to be playing the upgraded version of Goldeneye for the Wii and the classic for Nintendo 64. I'm Jeff Rubin here with John Gavris, Dan Kline, and Patrick Cassels. Let's start with the new Golde... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_170_Bridie_Jabour | We uh, you know, we send our condolences down south. The majority of the country remains in lockdown.
It wasn't a race. It's never been a race. Yeah. I guess it was a race to close borders and that's about all we've been racing for.
But you know, the show goes on Queensland, you know, the North rises in the ashes. Th... |
cracked | how_to_save_the_jurassic_park_franchise | According to the ineffable science of my own private movie formula, Jurassic World is 37% good, also known as bad. I hate a Jurassic World and people who like it are wrong, but wait! Before you write your angry YouTube comment, just hear my crazy theory for fixing it. And, you know, say whatever you want.
Zara Young, ... |
dropout | very_mary_kate_manicure | Okay, so this one is an ornate illustration done in the style of Michelangelo depicting the Battle of Good and Evil as embodied by Comet and Evil Dragon that has some really rich tones. Yeah, that's some really rich tones. Yeah, yeah. This one is a Sunday afternoon in the island of La Grande Jate by George Surratt.
No... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_196_Anthony_Hayes | Well welcome back to the Batutah Advocate radio show recording live here in the beautiful Diamantina. Bit of rain out there, it doesn't really look like a desert at the moment, it looks like we are in the Tuscan plains of, Browns Plains actually, which is I believe home to today's guest. You're joined by myself Clancy ... |
dropout | hardly_working_party_dj | All right, mopey grouchy push face. I know you guys have all been sad since I accidentally killed the office dog So to cheer you up.
I hired a party DJ All right, Drake, we're gonna get you. Hold on a second. Sounds like the Limbo Express is making a stop in party time. Make some noise for the two cool party girls.
O... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_159_Greg_Sam_CEO_Royal_Flying_Doctor_Service_South_Eastern_Section | Now we've been lucky enough to interview a few icons over the last couple of months, particularly icons of the bush. Red Ian Moss on a couple of weeks ago, I guess you could call him an icon of the bush.
He comes from Alice Springs, which is basically where the outback turns into the west. And then of course we had Tr... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_garth_and_kat_sing_summer_vacation_songs_snl | Summer is almost here, and recent studies suggest that unlike previous years, more Americans are planning to go on vacation. that's why I'm so glad that my favorite songwriting duo is here to debut their new vacation-themed album. Please welcome Grammy award-winning Garth and Kat. did they forget they were coming again... |
dropout | lebron_ditches_space_jam | They're destroying us. There's no way we stand a chance. The Monstars must have stolen their talent from the NBA players. Whoa! I think we should quickie-quickie-quickie-quickie the forfeit.
Gee, we're awful sorry we let you down, LeBron. Listen, I didn't come down here to get my butt kicked by a bunch of ugly Monstar... |
dropout | standing_up_for_yourself_as_a_woman_but_not_too_much | Thank you, Rekha. That was a very cute presentation.
Okay. Sure. You know what?
My presentation was many things. It was comprehensive. It was well-researched. It was thoughtful.
But one thing it wasn't was cute. I mean, I doubt you would use that word to describe any of the big men in here's work. So if you could re... |
dropout | student_loan_std_s | I got mine when I was 18. I got them when I was 21.
Student loans. I contracted student loans at 19 and I'm one of millions. Almost half of all Americans between the ages of 18 and 22 are fiscally active. Many do not understand the risk they are taking when they contract a student loan. All of my friends were going to... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_Paid_Leave_Porter_Shocked_Angry_Boomer_Defends_PM_An_Oblivious_Vegan_M_ | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate Weekly Bulletin. What a fucking news cycle. We're dealing with a lot. We're dealing with an aged care Royal Commission. We're dealing with the start of the winter codes. Football is back.
And of cours... |
dropout | bro_vs_brit_career_advice | So is it like double depressing going to work in England because not only you're going to work But also it's raining in gray cuz it's England Well, that's quite the assumption but yeah Hey my feet go up I Would start from the beginning And go in suited and booted but you're blank boots to an interview No, you know you ... |
cracked | iphone_delay_parody_from_cracked_com | We were departing Chicago en route to Newark, New Jersey when we got the call that our flight was going to be delayed three hours. Three hours for an hour and a half flight.
So, I took out my iPhone and I went to weather.com. I noticed that the storm clouds had passed by our field completely.
At which point I contact... |
SaturdayNightLive | melissa_saturday_night_live | And Ditch Films, Brian Gold's office.
Okay, are you stopping at a Pinkberry? Okay, get me a medium, play with blueberries. Okay, bye.
I know what I mean. And if they put you on the cover of Esquire, we're halfway there. Yeah, that'd be awesome.
Hi, we have a one o'clock with Brian. Zach Braff is here to talk about h... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_men_your_mom_dated_before_your_dad_ | The perfect date. Let me think. So we're starting at Legoland and then I guess we're ending at Legoland.
I often find women aren't intimidated by my confidence and my sword. I write many poems. I have one of my poems here. This one's called Heart Hair.
Yes, I am an astronaut. I don't really care about my job. I'm muc... |
cracked | great_superpowers_are_a_huge_pain_in_the_ass_antiheroes_episode_1 | The corpse was found dead in its home, murdered by killers. Cops policed the area. Death. And earlier today, a jury of his peers voted unanimously to clear Brad Industry's CEO, Brad Genetosphere Jr., of all charges involving the murder of beloved philanthropist Joshua Kindwell, despite the evidence that...
And a small... |
dropout | The_City_s_Best_Restaurants_That_Are_Nearby | Hey everybody, it's me, Katie Marovitch, a serious foodie. Join me as I eat my way across Los Angeles, tasting the best food the city has to offer. This is The Food Adventurer! First up, let's take a look at my favorite place for breakfast, Soleil French Bistro. I actually work right above Soleil French Bistro, so you ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_Melbourne_Victoria_Pauline_Ghislaine_10_07_20 | Well, it's great to know that we are taking this second wave seriously in Victoria and they have banned AFL journalists from joining the teams in the hubs in New South Wales and Queensland which, in my personal opinion, is fucking funny. What have we got up first in the News Bulletin this week, Wendell? We're gonna sta... |
TheOnion | Is_Bernie_Sanders_Too_Old_To_Be_The_Next_James_Bond_The_Onion_Presents_The_Topical_Episode_30 | Trouble for Bernie Sanders today after a new poll shows many Americans are taking issue with his age. Is the Senator too old to be the next James Bond?
From the Onion & Onion Public Radio, I'm Leslie Price, and this is The Topical. Everything is pretty much the same as it was yesterday, except for a few small differen... |
dropout | the_guy_who_has_never_seen_or_heard_of_anything_hardly_working | Hi, Emily. I'm Tedward from IT. Uh, something up with your computer here? Hi, Tedward. Um, it's running really slow.
Oh, okay. Well, I'll just run a quick virus scan. Do you mind? Oh, of course. Absolutely.
So how was your weekend? Good!
I saw Lone Survivor. Haven't heard of that one. It's the movie based on the Nav... |
dropout | behind_the_scenes_of_donald_trump_s_twitter | Yeah, they're usually the same size. One's bigger than the other right now.
I don't know, look at the pump. Look it up and call it back.
Okay everybody, alright. Mr. Trump needs to write some tweets for tonight.
I guess the failing New York Times has a poll that's showing us down. Sad.
I know, I know, I know. But t... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Reviews_Sully | This is Peter Rosenthal, head film critic for The Onion.
Today, I'll be discussing Sully, Clint Eastwood's dramatic portrayal of Captain Chesley Sullenberger's heroic emergency landing on the Hudson River, but also a sadly one-sided recounting that ignores the geese who were tragically killed in the turbines of US Air... |
dropout | yay_or_nay_will_google_glass_catch_on | The people who say Google Glass is stupid were the same people who said the iPad was stupid. And those people are me. I was stupid. Google Glass is gonna fail harder than the segue. I'd give it a year before Will Arnett wears one in a sitcom to show that his character is a douchebag. Yeah, I might wear a Google Glass o... |
cracked | after_hours_why_time_travel_wouldn_t_work_for_everyone | It's not magic. It's ostensibly magic! I mean, I can't explain it. You can't explain it.
No, I think I could, generally speaking. Okay, fine. All right. Pretend I'm a medieval peasant and explain this to me. Yeah, okay.
Let's see. Hail, traveler. Hail? What is that, a joke?
Yes, and I have just the thing to help you... |
dropout | people_believe_crazy_things_about_video_games_prank_news_network | Hi, we're here in San Diego at one of the world's most popular entertainment conventions to prove that people will believe anything you say about video games if you look like a newsman and are holding a microphone. President Obama has issued an executive order that any game that portrays an avatar not eating a healthy ... |
CrackerMilk | we_go_inside_our_friend_for_his_own_good | So that's a call back to um Josh can you shut the fuck up? We're filming a podcast If you're gonna cough, that's it. I've had enough get out. I wasn't even caught get out You fucking think josh can cough while they're rolling get out you'll shame on you can't Shame on you and your family I spit on you and I spit on you... |
dropout | snuggie_spin_offs | You've already discovered the Snuggie, the revolutionary blanket that keeps you warm while giving you the freedom to use your hands. But now you're tired, and you don't want to use your hands anymore. Introducing the Snuggie, the full body blanket that covers you completely from head to toe.
Perfect for reading a book... |
dropout | the_guy_who_needs_to_win_everything_hardly_working | Icebreaker! Hey gang! What are you guys up to? Oh, just Icebreaker cards.
Right now we're talking about which album we'd most like to have on a desert island. Yep. Mine is Jagged Little Pill. What? You go crazy listening until the land is on a desert island. Don't tell me what would make me go crazy.
You'll be off th... |
SaturdayNightLive | around_the_town_saturday_night_live | Well, I can tell you one thing: no one loves the Main Street Basket Festival more than this guy. And now I'm happy to announce the return once again of one of our favorite correspondence. She took a leave of absence, but now she's back and here she is, Michelle Dyson. good to see Michelle! Thanks, Gil. it's good to be ... |
TheOnion | Area_Woman_Thinks_All_Of_Her_Friends_Should_Be_Comedians | For the past several years now, area woman Caitlin Mooney has been convinced that each and every one of her friends should be a professional comedian. Our reporters spoke to Caitlin this morning about her, quote, hilarious group of friends. Karen is so funny. I can't even explain it. She's always just saying whatever o... |
dropout | don_t_call_my_dick_nice_hot_date | that was an eventful trip to the bathroom I didn't want to flush the condom and mess up their pipes do you think it's okay if I just leave in the napkin on the table definitely hey um can I tell you something yeah what's up you have a really nice stick oh wow it's like the perfect size well thank you not too small not ... |
CrackerMilk | work_calls_on_vacation | My boss is calling me? Hey boss man, what's up?
Yeah, sorry to call you. I know you're on vacation. Oh, that's okay. No, we just took off.
So I just need your password, buddy. Yeah. Why do you need my computer password?
IT have just come in to do a bit of a clean up on all the computers. They're just running through... |
Wizards_with_Guns | why_male_karens_are_way_worse_ | Hey! Hey, I saw that! Huh?
I saw you litter! Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't even see the- It's really dangerous, you know! Littering! Yeah, for the environment, I'm sorry.
Because it could have killed me! Wait, what? I could have choked on the bag! What? Is that what you want? The bag goes up over my head, I choke and I die... |
dropout | honest_new_year_s | Fuck, I'm already having a bad time. Katie! I had to come to this party because everything I actually wanted to do was way too expensive. Yeah, why do you think I'm throwing this? Oh wow, this party is almost nothing. I spent so much money but it doesn't look like it. Yeah, alcohol doesn't look like anything. Yeah, I w... |
SaturdayNightLive | trump_press_conference_not_about_rosie_o_donnell_snl | And now I am truly honored to introduce the creator and star of Nbc's hit show, The Apprentice, Mr. Donald Trump. good morning. I'd like to thank all you members of the press for being smart enough to be here today, to hear me talk about the sixth and by far the best season of my smash hit show and ratings. Bonanza, Th... |
cracked | thursday_edition_the_week_in_douchebaggery | She acknowledged earlier this week that she had an affair with a black senator more than thirty years ago. Barbara, I've devoted the vast majority of my adult life to convincing myself that you do not now have, nor have you ever had a vagina. Please don't mess with me.
Douchebag number four is Irving Robbins. Irving w... |
CrackerMilk | saving_a_small_girl_from_drowning_crackermilk_podcast_episode_10 | Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of the cracker milk podcast.
Excuse me.
Hello everyone. And welcome back to another, excuse me. This is no, welcome back to the cracker.
That's my beard.
Where we crack a milk, your podcast. Get out. Hey everyone. Welcome. Get the fuck out. He tricked me. Get out.... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | clive_palmer_the_betoota_interview | What do you reckon is going to happen today, mate? I don't know. I don't think it matters what happens as far as the people go, it's the policies that need to change. I mean, people in regional Australia have been forgotten.
We need to bring back zonal taxation, things like that, so that we've got a fair go. Do you re... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_68_origin_decider_special_featuring_fire_up | Hello and welcome back to the Batutah advocate radio show, thank you for tuning in today My name is Errol Parker and as always I'm joined by the man who was once commonly known as dancing Clancy overall Yes, yes throwback to my boxing troop days. Thank you Errol and thanks for joining us today listeners That was quite ... |
SaturdayNightLive | season_48_new_cast_q_a_snl | All right, let's go! let's go! let's go! let's go! let's go! I mean, maybe, I mean, for me, I feel like it was right before our first sketch in that cold open. it's cold! it's got the juice! that felt crazy. Yeah, that's true. like, be there and be like, you know, it's just like a thing you've never done before and you... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_183_Andy_Griffiths | I don't think that day will ever come in this great state Clancy. It certainly won't help with the vaccine hesitancy we're seeing in central Queensland.
Hopefully we can speed it up, maybe a couple cash payments or again free tickets to a sporting event, powder finger concert, that might do the job but you know for th... |
dropout | why_a_wall_won_t_stop_immigration_adam_ruins_everything | illegal immigration is out of control our borders are unprotected we need to build the wall Eso mia susta pro bella tinera son ay tanta gente le gal aqui y destrugen a nuestra economia una para el ponria fin a la emigration de le gal if we don't oh no Eso is super incorrecto la verdad es que la pared no la gria nada bu... |
dropout | how_to_turn_your_couples_costume_into_a_singles_costume | Hello fellow fright fiends, a most spooky greeting to you and yours. Although if you're watching this, yours is presumably now someone else's. Okay, so if you're anything like me, this year you found the perfect couple's costume. But apparently you weren't the perfect couple, according to him. But hey, Halloween's all ... |
rpunctuated | rpunctuated_airbnb_design_commercial_snl | Bland. Generic. Downright uninviting. I'm Chanel. And I'm Chanel. And Together, we can make your rentals pop with plain furniture and art for nobody. Art Pieces like. Albert Einstein with his tongue out. Black and white child holding red balloon. And Of course, a single unsettling photo of the family that actually live... |
dropout | hardly_working_voicemail | Of course not. Your merit page is stupid enough as it is. Why would anyone want anything stupider? Alright, shut up. Calm down.
Keep them on the line. We'll figure something out. Uh, we could send a message via Carrier Pigeon? Would you like that option? Say yes or no. Uh, no. No. Okay, Carrier Pigeon? Those are extin... |
TheOnion | Wake_Up_Call_For_A_Bad_Tooth_Brusher_Dr_Good_Ep_5 | Dr. Goode would like to invite you and your loved ones to GoodeCon 2013. GoodeCon is the Southwest's biggest TV doctor appreciation conference with appearances by Dr. Lisa, Dr. Tanis and Dr. Ngoome and featuring insult comedian Danny Vollmer, Nobel Prize winning economist Paul Krugman and Star Trek The Next Generation'... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | EP_100_Every_NRL_scandal_of_the_2019_20_off_season_featuring_Hello_Sport | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well welcome back to The Batooter Advocate radio show. You're joined by myself Clancy Overall and of course editor at large Errol Parker. How are you Errol?
Good my son. Good mate, good. Good to hear.
Now if you a... |
SaturdayNightLive | trump_sneakers_snl | Thirty-year-old Gordon Dwyer just couldn't catch a break. Not at work. Dwyer! not in love. and especially not on the court. Gordon for three. nice shot, idiot. Why am I such a loser?
But that's all about to change. Gordon, I thought you could use these. Donald J. Trump? whoa, Trump better Surrender sneakers? Awesome. ... |
dropout | are_my_lady_parts_normal | Oh my god. That is so embarrassing. Can you imagine? And it's even worse because like, because she has a weird one.
Right? Yeah. Oh yeah.
There's actually things going on that I can't relate to. Yeah, I was sitting here being like, is that what I'm supposed to look like? Because I don't necessarily look like that. Bu... |
dropout | hardly_working_pre_game | The three amigos are back. Yeah, dog. You better believe they are. Let's see.
Man, you gots to love Z Pregame. We'll be showing off to tonight's pool party already with our buzz on, man. I'm going to be sloshed. I'm going to punch a cop, and I'm going to jump off Z roof. Hey, man, saying Z is sort of my thing, so just... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Looks_Back_At_The_Wizard_Of_Oz | I'm Peter Rosenthal, head film critic for The Onion. In today's Cinema Classics segment, I'm gonna be looking at The Wizard of Oz, a historic entry from Hollywood's golden age and a brilliant cautionary film about the terrifying situations a young female may find herself in without the proper supervision of a male comp... |
dropout | honest_music_festival_commercial | This weekend, the Oppopotamus Music Festival is coming to Redfield, Illinois. A town of 200 that is in no way equipped to handle an event of this magnitude. We're gonna leave Redfield in shambles. Get here early, because we're expecting 16-hour traffic delays in every direction. Someone call a civil engineer. The festi... |
cracked | why_disney_s_aladdin_is_a_piece_of_crap_today_s_topic | So, if Bran sends Hodor back in time to hold the door, thus creating his name, who cares? Everyone on that show is a total softie compared to Aladdin. He's the ultimate con man. I can tell from your tone that you've been looking for an inn to bring up Aladdin for a while and settled on a pretty inelegant one. Think abo... |
SaturdayNightLive | a_few_minutes_with_andy_rooney_breasts_saturday_night_live | And now, a few minutes with Andy Rooney. I've been doing some serious thinking about the Equal Rights Amendment. I've always felt that all people were created equal. of course, some women are more equal than others. Do you ever notice women's breasts? There are so many different kinds. basically, they come in four size... |
dropout | monster_maps_arcane_magic | From Dumbledore to Numenor, nerds are passionate about a lot of things, but there's one thing they love above all else, and that is correcting people. This is Um, Actually.
Joining us today, we have Brian Murph Murphy. Hello. We have Amy Vorpahl. Hi guys, I'm very excited to be making excellent internet content for yo... |
TheOnion | Shelby_Cross_Warns_Women_Self_Defense_Classes_A_Trap | Listen up, ladies. I want to have a word with you. If you think taking a self-defense class is going to make you safer, you are dead wrong. And I want to tell you why. Let me paint a little picture for you.
You walk into a self-defense class, and a man teaches you how to fight, right? Now, what happens when you walk o... |
cracked | cracked_responds_to_suicide_squad_sorry | Guys, Suicide Squad. Did you all watch it? Because I told everyone that they have to for work last week, so. Yes, watching it now, yeah.
Oh my god, it was terrible. It was worse than I thought. Like I went into it wanting to like it because people said it was so bad and I was like, you know what?
I don't want to be a... |
dropout | Am_I_Doing_Nothing_With_My_Life | Oh My god Finally in the same. I know right. I haven't seen you guys since last Christmas. I think no it's been a year Wow time flies Hey been Raph. Oh good. Yeah, what you been up to? work and works good you still at the Same place. Yeah, it's The same Nothing no really how about you guys I got a promotion Yeah, I hav... |
Wizards_with_Guns | why_was_this_science_tv_show_pulled_off_the_air | Hi, I'm Dr. Ross Osiago. And I'm Professor Taj Mahag.
The essential building block to all life on this planet is the humble cell. If you were to shrink me down to the size of a cell, I'd fucking die. Cells are everywhere.
From the shit in your ass to the spit in your mouth. Speaking of spit, did you know that without... |
cracked | 6_oddly_specific_and_extensive_online_collections_of_wtf_cracked_tv | Hey everybody, welcome to episode 24 of Crack TV. I'm Michael, the only talk show host with a debilitating s- a de- b- a- just a- just a big ol' s- t- a- moving on. With me, as always, is the life of the party, Clippy.
Wow, really? Really knocking it out of the park there.
Alright, so off to a slow start today, but t... |
dropout | choosing_things_the_way_you_choose_politicians | and that's why you should choose us or us all right so we got two options here until the end of the day to vote on College Humor's new health care provider I liked her cool so that's one for option a what did you like not just liked her okay well we're voting on a health insurance provider so it's not really about lika... |
dropout | hardly_working_cool_english_teacher_2 | The hour of office has commenced. Let's put the Harry in the literary. I haven't shaved in weeks. That was a joke. It's okay to laugh. Oli oli oxen free! Come to my office hours and we will look up what that means. Okay, I have free Kings of Leon tickets in here. What can I do for you, sir? You said there'd be Kings of... |
SaturdayNightLive | raspberry_soda_porn_mags_saturday_night_live | Well, I lived here for two years before I got the apartment downtown. I really like this neighborhood. I know. it's so cute. I love it. hey. hey. two sodas? yeah. hey, didn't you used to live across the street? Yes. I did. wow. four years ago. just showing my fiancee the old neighborhood.
Yeah. well, I remember you. y... |
CrackerMilk | girls_that_believe_anything | Hello police I'm responding to an emergency. Oh my god. Thank god. You're here I just got home from a conference and my house has been attacked by spider-man my house and my husband Babe, babe, come tell them come tell them what spider-man did. Come on. Yeah I was alone and spider-man came in and and got on top of me a... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_200_Allegra_Spender_Independent_Candidate_for_Wentworth | How good is Australia?
There's fucking language. Let there be a thousand blossoms blooms, folks, I could sue, you know. But I ain't spending any time on it. Get me my valium. Don't stop wearing the Speedos.
You're listening to Decode, The Tudor Advocate's new podcast series for those Australians who have tuned out or... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_Splendour_Canned_Because_The_Kids_Are_Fucked_Financially_Persecuted_Landlords_ | We have an interview coming up on Betooter Talks with Angus Sampson. We have had a good run of interviews actually these last couple of weeks. Old mate from The Imperfect, you did that one Wendell? Yeah, Huey, he was good. Didn't get as long with him as we hope but he reckons he's coming back for another couple of part... |
dropout | drawing_dungeons_doggos_with_adam_conover | It feels late, I know it's impossible to tell what time it is down here, but it does feel late. Like, I can't see a moon, but every time I turn my head around, I feel like there's a moon there. Yeah, that sort of phantom moon syndrome you get down here.
Yeah. PMS. It's called... That's what that stands for down here. ... |
dropout | mcdonald_s_catan | America's favorite sweepstakes, based on an award-winning Klaus Tauber German board game, is back at McDonald's! Come in and play Settlers of Catan! What?
Oh my god, it's wood! Is wood good? Wood's great!
Yes! Now you're just a sheep, a wheat, and a brick away from building a new settlement! And then we win? Not quit... |
SaturdayNightLive | american_girl_doll_movie_trailer_snl | People can't stop talking about the trailer for their new Barbie movie, But not all dolls live in a dream house. some are bigger, younger, sadder. some dolls are American girls. Hi, Kirsten. hi, Molly. hi, Samantha. hi, Josefina. hi, Q. And I'm Addie. no one said hi to me. this summer, a new live-action story about you... |
SaturdayNightLive | saturday_night_live_summer_songs_snl | We got to get that out of there! And we march! And we march up and down the street, looking for sales.
Kllu She's gays of days. it's the month of almost June. that means pride is around the corner. But last year, pride didn't happen, so now we're making up for lost time. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. pride is a celebration... |
dropout | celebrity_horse_drawfee_show | Welcome to the Drawfee Show. We take your dumb suggestions and make even dumber drawings.
I'm Caldwell. I'm Nathan.
Guys, today, we're drawing celebrity horses. Our boy Jasper Merrill demanded it. And who are we to say no? Like, uh, like Mr. Ed was a celebrity horse. No, we're taking it a step further. Oh, okay.
We'... |
dropout | jake_amir_who_knows_who_better_live | Hello, welcome to Who Knows Who Better Live. I am your host, Siobhan Thompson, and I'm here with Jake and Amir, who have very bravely crawled out of bed on this terrible week, to join us for a very stupid game show.
We're happy. Everybody's so happy right now. Happy now.
So the game is very simple. I'm gonna ask them... |
cracked | 5_reasons_space_travel_is_going_to_suck_today_s_topic | Hey, how much do we get for a 401K? It's not like $400,000, is it? $401,000, idiot. And no, you put into it. You only get money back if you prove you're crazy or something.
I'm trying to save up for this Virgin Galactic ticket. Oh, I didn't know they were still together. They're not, but like a couple of them are goin... |
dropout | Backstage_Pleasures_First_Tour_Fresh_Desires | Hello, and welcome to Erotic Book Club, the book club where we read erotic books. I am Jess Ross with me, as always, is my co-host. Hi, I'm Rekha. Rekha is here. She's back, and we love her. Thanks for all the lovely Discord messages, guys. Someone thought you were gone for good. Hey.
There was a scare. There was a bi... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_game_galaxy | Welcome, bleep bloopers, I'm Jeff here with Pat. Not only are we in Nashville, we are at the mall and we are here to loiter, get in the way of mall walkers and just generally be up to no good. And we're also here as part of Stridegum's Save the Arcades campaign at Game Galaxy with its co-owner Rob. So let's go inside a... |
TheOnion | In_Bipartisan_Spirit_Obama_Makes_Deal_To_Get_Kicked_In_Balls | Well, after weeks of debate about a new round of corporate tax cuts, today in Washington, President Obama finally struck a deal with Republicans, allowing them to kick him in the balls in exchange for nothing. For some quick analysis of this historic decision, let's go over now to the first responders. Today we have jo... |
TheOnion | High_School_For_The_Performing_Arts_Student_Goes_In_Depth_About_Really_Weird_Peer_Pressure | Following morning reports indicating that Philadelphia High School for the Performing Arts student Samantha Bylem deals with really weird social pressures on a daily basis, Onion reporters met with a 16-year-old dance student who described feeling regularly alienated from her peers for extremely bizarre reasons. If you... |
cracked | the_despicable_crime_behind_every_pokemon_game_8_bits | We have been after this guy for months. John Doe, no record, wanted for eight counts of cool teeth against animals.
Alright, let's do this. Go on boys, go, go.
Guy catches straight, strings him to fight. Real sicko. Sir? Sir, you are under arrest.
Place the animal slowly on the floor. No! Go, go, go, go! It's a leve... |
dropout | laptops_are_a_conversation_killer_hot_date | This was such a good suggestion. I mean, we were just sitting at home on our laptops like anti-social losers.
What? Oh, sorry, is, um, is reading a, uh, is, um... Yes. Yeah, it's totally fine.
We're adults. We can sit at our laptops and still have a...conver...tuck.
Whoa, did you see this article about, uh, U.S. arm... |
TheOnion | Situation_In_Nigeria_Seems_Pretty_Complex | I'm Juliana Makanis, filling in for Clifford Banes, whose autobiography is due today.
With allegations of fraud surrounding the election of Umara Yareduya in Nigeria, how do you think global petroleum markets are going to react, particularly considering their understandable wariness given the crumbling infrastructure ... |
SaturdayNightLive | steve_martin_cold_opening_saturday_night_live | Seven minutes to wear, Mr. Martin. right. See, you remember when Bill Murray came, when you were the medieval barber, and he came with his legs all broken from being dragged by the ox cart after having too much mead? yeah, what about it? that was awesome. that was a long time ago. Steve, you want my lines for our scene... |
dropout | any_given_puppy_bowl | Gentlemen, this is the most important game of your lives. This is a puppy bowl. And it is be cute or hit the bricks. Now, folks who watch the Super Bowl for the commercials will watch us turn the Super Bowl. And you can rest assured, folks who watch the Super Bowl for the Super Bowl will be watching us turn the commerc... |
dropout | ch_labs_google_search | Oh, hi. Welcome to College Humor Lads.
Did you know when you type something in a Google search bar, it automatically provides the most popular search terms? It's an interesting way to find out what people are looking for online. Let's take a look. Let's type in dogs. The most popular search terms are dogs for sale, do... |
cracked | people_think_drew_barrymore_crossed_a_major_line | At the beginning of the strike, she said, I have listened to the writers in order to truly respect them and will pivot from hosting the MTV Movie and TV Awards, live in solidarity with the strike. That's what she said back on May 4th. Maybe she just didn't know what standing in solidarity with the strikers really meant... |
dropout | Getting_Fired_For_Completing_the_Project | Congratulations, everyone. You've saved the world.
Hmm? What?
The portal is closed and Galatax is gone.
All thanks to you. Uh, since when? This morning! Yay!
It feels a little anti-climactic. Yeah, I don't think we actually did anything. Okay, yeah, well, who cares, right?
I mean, the fighting is over and now the ... |
dropout | blackberry_bbm_text_roulette | We're going to play a little game called BBM Text Roulette. We're going to go out into the street and find a stranger and have them flip a coin. On one side it says BBM and the other it says text. We will then take that stranger's blackberry and pick one of their contacts. The stranger will have to spin the wheel and w... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_Bunnings_New_Policy_The_Minister_For_Karens_NSW_Dusts_Off_The_Face_Masks_ | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate Weekly News Bullet and you're joined by myself, Clancy Overell, editor of the Batutah Advocate. Of course, with me today is Errol Parker, editor-at-large.
How are you, Errol? I'm good, Clancy. How a... |
dropout | honest_interracial_date_ch_shorts | Raphael, I hope it's you, otherwise I look like I just walked up to the first black guy I saw. Of course it's me. I'm the only black guy here. Hi. Sorry.
I just want to say that this is awesome. This is awesome.
Weird. I know I was on time, but I feel like I should apologize for showing up later than you. Not a probl... |
dropout | sexually_confused_ninja | your reign of terror ends here father stay back Lee this is between me and the black eagle father farewell white falcon father Lee listen to me you must avenge me father it's time that you became a man as I lay here dying okay father now go fill my last request avenge me as you wish father what are you doing it will al... |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.