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I feel.... I don't know what I feel. This year has been many things, although I really don't know anything anymore.
I feel like I'm going insane, although I feel content. I used to know what my emotions were, what I enjoyed, what I disliked, all of that. Lately it's just been a blur to me. I suppose if it's worth mentioning, I had depression for about a year and a half.. or so, I finally "fixed" myself at the beginning of this year by force, although I'm not sure if it worked out for the best.
I've gone through a lot, at least I tell myself I have in my mind, and now I feel as if I'm fading. Not going back into depression necessarily, not anything like that, I mean fading as a person. I'm losing my humanity and my will do to... anything.
I guess it's kind of what you hear a lot, everything I enjoy is becoming dull to me now, and this has happened before, although it's been lasting a lot longer this time. Video games are still slightly appealing, although I feel like I don't have enough time to do everything I want with them. Music is nice, I love music and all, but that's beginning to fade. All I listen to now anyways is the kind of music that makes you feel nostalgic / melancholy, so I dunno. It helps clear my mind, not worsen my mood.
I don't think anything I've written makes sense, I'm sorry for that, I feel like I'm being haunted in my own mind. I've always been a shy person but this year I've really changed that, but at the same time, I've lost absolutely every last bit of desire I ever had to have a "friendship" with someone. I'm in a relationship, but friends are not what I want anymore. I just want nothing. I feel like I've realized that friends lie too much, will leave too soon, aren't there for you, all that.. but maybe I'm picking the wrong friends. I seem to be attracted to the wrong kind of people for myself I guess.
I really wish I knew what to do with my life, I don't want to end it or anything, I just feel done. Empty, and well.. kind of lonely, but I don't mind that..
I feel as if whenever I speak about this to myself in my mind or my girlfriend, or even others, I just go blank and I honestly don't know what to think of myself anymore. I hate it and I wish I could be okay again, but okay with doing things. Not just okay in an "I feel empty but I'm content now" way.
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Help me with my secret santa Hi all, hope this is ok to post in here but I just got matched up with a redditor for my secrect santa that suffers from anxiety and sounds like they're going through a pretty tough time at the moment.
They sound like they're a really nice person but just struggling hard and having never had anxiety myself I'm hoping someone here can help me out. I'm not sure of their social situation but it sounds like they're quite lonely and having trouble coming out of their shell, so I'm wondering if anyone would have any ideas for a gift that could help them either pick up a cool hobby that'd help them to get out there and socialise a bit more or maybe something that's helped any of you out of a bad time at some point in your life. I don't want to get anything like a self help book, just something that can give this person a better outlook on life and more importantly help them to value themselves a bit more! I don't have a lot of money to spare so anything under €30/£30/$40 would be perfect.
Thanks everyone! Have a good christmas :)
PS I love the way this subreddit capitalised my title for me, nice little feature!
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I just don't get it What's so good about being alive? Why are you all trying so hard to keep others alive? Why should they, and myself, have to keep suffering.
Not everyone has good lives. Not everyone has people that care. I don't know if I can remember a time I've felt loved, and I'm more than positive others haven't ever been loved.
Everyone says these problems can be solved. It's a permanent solution to temporary issues. But is 20, 30, 40 years really all that temporary?
I tried living my life for others because I hate myself and humanity, but wanted to find counter examples. I wanted to be proven wrong. I was and wasn't. People aren't evil, just self-centered and apathetic.
So I stopped dedicating my life solely to others and tried to fix myself. Therapy and meds weren't my solution, after years of trying cocktails of SSRI/SNRIs and too many therapists to count. None of that worked and im left with 2 options. ECT and experimental treatments, which won't be covered by insurance.
I'm not broken, I was just born to be depressed. Please let me leave this cold uncaring world on my terms. I'm tired.
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Anxiety I have really bad anxiety to the point where I feel like throwing up. Does anyone know how to build confidence or get over it
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me no think good no more my cognitive faculties have diminished over the past several months. my critical thinking and breadth of knowledge are the same, but my thoughts get mixed up.
i'm suddenly dyslexic. i'll read a sentence and usually get a word incorrect. i've never had this problem before.
i'll have a thought, but when i turn it into a sentence in my mind, by the time i get to the predicate i've forgotten what the point was. then i'll concentrate until i remember, at which point i've forgotten the subject.
there was something else but i can't remember. ha ha.
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Help Reddit, please help...I’ve got no one else to turn to because I’m estranged from my family and my boyfriend of 10 years and I are going through an awful break up right now...
I (26F) am in such a dark place...I have been for about 3-5 years since I went to graduate school as a first generation college student that just wasn’t ready for it.
I’m so low that I don’t see any point in going on...is there? Would someone reach out to me and let me know that life is worth living?
I don’t want to kill myself but I feel that it’s the only way to escape this pain and anguish I’ve been feeling for so long...somebody...anybody...
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Everything sucks I just want this to end
Every breath is a struggle
It’s all so hard to comprehend
Grades, friends, family it’s all so hard to juggle
I hide it behind fake laughs and smiles
Nobody hears my pleas, I’m all alone
It’s almost as if I’m on my own little isle
I’m sitting here all by myself and I’ll I can do is groan
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I need help dealing with nausea tied to anxiety Whenever I get anxious over something I get such an upset stomach and I will puke if I'm exceptionally nervous for something. when I get into this mindset it gets impossible to eat. Each bite makes my stomach churn and I get "full" after a few bites. I can drink a fluid with no problems.
My question is if anyone deals with similar symptoms and how they push past the feeling of not wanting to eat and nausea and puking and maintaining a healthy mindset throughout your day? Also if I stop eating full meals for a few days I get panicky because "what if I starve to death or pass out while driving cause I'm so hungry" and it just gets worse. Any advice at all will be helpful
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Nothing makes sense to me. I don’t feel like anyhing is right [deleted]
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I can't believe this decade is almost over it's been almost 8 years since I graduated high school and I wasted my time. I thought I'd be somewhere with my life at 25. Now I'll be 26 soon and I'm a nobody. I don't know where I'm headed. I'm such a loser. I don't know what I'm capable of. I've messed up so much by not focusing on building myself. I've completely ignored what I had to do. Im all messed up with my education. Im working dead end jobs and living with relatives and I don't like it. I don't know what to do anymore.
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Psychiatrist won't answer my calls? I'm beginning to feel more depressed and I haven't been able to go to school all week. Is there anything she can do for me or is calling her wasting my time? Should I go to the hospital and they can give me something to calm me down or do you think they'll just admit me?
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Getting to a point in life before my father is gone [deleted]
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Love how people tell me to kill myself My brother tells me to kill myself, drop dead, cut myself, slit my wrists, hang myself, and no one would care about me if I killed myself. I’m m 14 he’s m 17. Only if he knew I cut and had suicide thoughts. I usually just ignore him or respond with “you shouldn’t joke about serious things like that.”
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Sometimes I wish that I could leave this earth without hurting others. I know it's their job to care but sometimes I don't know what to do. I just can not breathe and I don't want to do this anymore, play this twisted game. But if I end my life I will destroy someone else's. And I cannot do that. God why do people have to make it a bad thing?
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I'm a failure of a college student and I was meant to die poor and alone, it's all over , God has left me for dead . Goodbye piece of shit world
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Hey guys! You’ll never believe what I did today!! Despite anxiety lol...I gave myself my very first b12 shot into my thigh myself in the doctors office! (Under instruction and supervision of course) but I am so proud I just wanted to remind everyone you can literally do anything even if you cry before, after, or during, it is okay! I was just so proud I could do it and did it in front of my nurse mom! I never thought I’d have to but I also am not sure why I am sick I am not a vegetarian but I guess I don’t really eat red meat but it was 200 when it should be 400 and anxiety and depression are associated with b12 (also pure clumsiness) I don’t know if it will effect me personally, but I encourage you to have your blood levels done, I’ve been sick a long time and I’ve been trying so long to find out what is wrong, while I still don’t know I hope I am on to something at least
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Can't get out of bed any more, can't get up to start my day, no reason to go on, nothing to live for, everything is stale and im on the edge. [deleted]
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What to do? Just made plans with a friend. Moments later I walk in my house have a conversation with my sister on which she criticizes me on something minor and it rubbed me the wrong way and now I'm considering canceling plans that are for like 30 minutes from now. Help?
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Terrible way of coping I know this makes me look like a douche, but can anyone relate when I say I cope by sexting online. It seems like a bad addiction to me, if anybody can relate, can you help out.
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Feeling the same It's been three days and I still feel the same. This time I feel like I'm going to be going through with it. Swallow some pills and cut my wrists. I don't even think I need a note. It's pretty obvious why this happened. If only I wasn't such a coward then this would be done...
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Sadness Feeling sad that due to my difficult pregnancy and severe post partum depression, I should not have another child. Feeling scared of getting my tubes tied because my grandmother died getting her tubes tied at my age. Feeling sad that my father won't apologize to DH so that my father could meet my 8 month daughter. Feeling sad that my father choose to keep his anger at DH instead of meeting my daughter.
Feeling sad.
| 4
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Hypomanic sense of humor DAE get the phenomenon where you make up some kind of whacky scenario that is loosely based on something in your environment that, to your hypomanic mind it the most hilarious thing ever but when you try to explain why your crying at laughter to the song "burning ring of fire " because of Huuj-ass-man they just stare at you blankly?
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went to the ER, have an ulcer. fuck anxiety. PSA: dont take anxiety lightly fuck your nonsense. fix anxiety. it will mess u up.
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I really want to end myself I live in a muslim country and i really hate this country , its been 8 years i live here. Theres no suicide hotline here and i rarely go to my therapist , so im not very helped, and suicide is considered haram ( a sin ) here.
I have a family who are a bit muslim , and some of them dont accept me as i am , because im a transgender ftm so i live hardly my life , my mother just disliked me after knowning this.
Only my dad know that i am a transgender he's trying his best to help me and understanding, i know its hard for him and im so pathetic to be so bad like that , i always thinks that im a selfish because i dont try my best and i always have a problem , and i hate me so much.
I dont have a social life , its been 4 years i study in my house , theres a time when i only stay in my house for 7 months , never go outside , i was being crazy.
I only have virtual friends that i never met ( i just met one of my best friend , its been 4 years we know each other ) , i have a girlfriend too but our relation is so hard to keep it well because i always scare her , and im being paranoic because i think she doesnt like me etc and she's always trying her best to calm me down , i feel like pure shit i just hate myself.
Yesterday my depression hit me very hard , i was home alone , my dad and my brother wasnt here so , i was just in my bed and crying a lot , it was so hard to stop , i was trying to calm me down , but theres no way , i called my girlfriend , we didnt talk too much , and i ended by shuting my microphone and crying , after i stopped our call. I texted her that i wasnt okay , i wanted to dying so much , she was worried she told me to never harm myself and stay positive. But i cant to this , its getting hard to be okay for me. Im always thinking about her , if she loves someone and not me of thinking about her ex so it getting mad and after i cried again and again. I know that sometimes im jealous, and getting angry when someone is too close to her , and i hate when im like that bc i thinks that im a bad person and dont deserve her.
And at the night i was trying to sleep but i had an anxiety attack , i felt like someone was watching me , so i didnt slept all the night , and just thinking how shitty i am.
My depression hit me hardly sometimes , but this one was worse than i though , my parents always think that if a have a depression its bc of my internet shit and etc but i know they are wrong , i dont know why im like that , i think im so selfish , i always excuse to everyone , there isnt a day when im okay , i hate this year , i hate my life , im thinking so much of suicide but im affraid to lost my gf and all my friends , i dont care about my family ( maybe for my father and my brother bc he is young so i dont want to traumatise him ) they dont really understand me , they always think that they're right , i cant express myself , i cant keep it. Im thinking about suicide but i dont know what to do , im just young ( im 16 years ) i dont have a lot of help , this morning my dad just say to smile and staying positive , but i cant , i really want to end this shit , i hate so much myself , i want to end my life. I need help.
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Anyone else get extreme rages? [CN: Rage/Anger issues, self harm, assault.] When I'm not in the middle of a bad upswing, I can usually control my anger. I at least can prevent myself from doing anything physical.
But during ultradian cycles or mixed episodes, I just can't hold it back.
Minor things like plans getting ruined or someone being a bit of an ass to me can send me into a swearing, screaming fit.
Bigger shit... and my reactions can vary from destroying whatever items are within my grasp to trying to assault whoever's "wronged" me. Years ago, I spent hours sending intentionally triggering content to people online. All I could think was, "[Names] have hurt me, all I want is for them to be hurt even worse."
And for all that I *want* to stop it, I can't. I feel like I'm just trapped inside of myself, unable to say anything "right" and unable to physically stop myself.
I've punched holes through walls and doors. I've ripped appliances out of the wall.
I've screamed at strangers until they assaulted me badly.
It even happens when I'm mad at *myself*. My go-to self harm method is just slamming my own head into whatever hard surfaces around, hoping I can just knock myself unconscious so I can fucking stop the rage.
I'm so ashamed by all of this that even though I bring up almost everything else with my doctors, I've never said a word about this anger fuckery. I just... feel like such a failure of a human being. I feel weak. I feel like I'm awful because I do these horrible things to people that don't deserve it. (/spoiler)
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I'm 19 and I don't know what to do with my life. NEED ADVICE. [deleted]
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Bipolar and Borderline? Last week I found out I more than likely have Borderline Personality Disorder along with my original diagnosis I got a few weeks ago of Bipolar II disorder (after my former therapists and my current psychiatrist thinking it was just depression/anxiety). I just started Zyprexa (my psychiatrist prescribed it, but my therapist thinks I’m a prime candidate for Lithium. I’m only 18 years old, and this is just a big mess in my mind. Anyone else here have BPD and Bipolar? I feel really alone and afraid and I just need advice. I’m sorry in advance if this isn’t allowed, I just don’t know where to turn for advice. Does it get better? I just feel like I’m so young and life is just beginning and I’m at a loss.
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15 y/o, my life fell apart. Should I do it? [deleted]
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You ever go to sleep and hope you never wake up? Well I do. Sleeping is so peaceful. It's the only time where there is nothing to cause me any distress, because I am unconscious. When I wake up I am reminded of all the things wrong with me. When I'm awake I have time to think and thinking causes anxiety and anxiety causes the depression. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up so I don't have to go another day feeling like this.
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I'm a survivor of sex trafficking. I want to die. I reposting this to this sub because I haven't managed to find a person to actually talk to and open up to. But yeah, I feel weak and like I can't manage things anymore.
I just feel defeated. I'll start with the basics. I'm 18, I've been through a lot in my life and I recently got out of it yet today I seriously feel just as defeated as I was in my lows of lows.
I was grabbed off the street while walking home from school when I was 15, forced into sex trafficking and was abused in every single way imaginable. I've seen things that you don't even dare to imagine are true. I was getting raped, used, drugged, mutilated, beaten half to death, treated like an object and shit that's even worse on a daily basis. I had to survive being sold to the worst people on this planet. I had to not fight back when these disgusting freaks put their hands on me. I had to just lay there and take it. With every monster I had to deal with, I lost a part of my soul. to the point where I literally just feel empty now. I had to feel the pain of being raped 5 times a day. having thoughts about whether I was gonna make it through the week every day. And the thing is, After all of this I believe them. I believe that I am a piece of sh*t worthless loser. I see myself as fat and ugly. I can't look in the mirror. I hate waking up in the morning, I hate going to bed at night.
I've been out of there for a few months. The first few weeks were fine, But then it just went downhill. I literally hate my revolting ugly reflection. I hate my past. I hate that I can't close my eyes without feeling like someone is gonna walk in and rape the shit out of me till I bleed out again. I just don't feel anything. I feel empty. worthless. pathetic. I don't know if any of this makes sense but after everything I just started feeling like I don't even have ownership of my body. It just been used by so many freaks that I don't even want it anymore. And I don't think anyone will even find me decent looking. I'm disgusting and I'd rather just be dead.
After I got out I honestly tried getting my life put together but now I'm just back to thinking about giving up. I honestly don't see the point in trying anymore. I put all my energy on doing the state test, which I failed and I'm redoing in 2 days. I put all my energy on finishing my high school diploma and I managed to pass everything except math. but that only means I have to retake math hence I won't be able to apply to colleges this year. which only makes my parents more disappointed and pissed at me. My parents don't know me anymore. They expect me to be the same kid I was when I was 14. and in addition to that they expect me to be able to pick myself up and move on in life flawlessly. and they're right. I did want to go to college this year. I don't want another year to be alone with my shitty thoughts.
I got out of all of it, but everyone that's still stuck there couldn't. I had to endure living in a place where if I wasn't something customers wanted, I'd be offed without a second thought. I was getting raped to the point of passing out. I had to deal with the worst of humans. including pedophiles and fucking cannibals. And I got out. and I'm aware that others didn't. And I know I should be grateful. but all I feel is bitter, disgusting and suicidal at this point.
I hate myself. Everything about me is disgusting and I should honestly just slit my wrists the way I was dreaming of doing throughout my time in that hellhole. And I'm sorry again for this not having some inspirational or happy ending. It's just honestly where I am right now and What I'm feeling. This took me a bit to write and I don't know what the reaction is gonna be. I just honestly need a friend to call during the shitty nights. I want to feel like it's all gonna be okay but it's not.
thank you for reading this mess.
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Girl showed me cuts on her arms and said she wasn't gonna do it, should I trust her? So, there's this girl at my school who's often lonely, maybe has two friends, she's almost always alone at lunch and stuff. I have tried being friends with her once I realized she was lonely, but we never really hit it off. Today, she asked if she could ask a quick question, which I replied "Sure!". She said "Be honest, what do these look like?" as she showed me faded cuts on her arm. I said "suicidal cuts" because this is a serious matter and I didn't want to lay her off with an "I don't know" or "cat scratches". She said I was right, but she wasn't going to kill herself. "I kept asking "Are you sure?" repetitively, but she kept respond with "I'm sure." Deep down inside, I don't think she'll do it and I hope she won't, but I'm not sure. Should I trust her?
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HELP i am an ANXIOUS MESS over the idea that someone i hate is going to take up the same degree I'm passionate about my future career as a lawyer, and I know for a fact that there's no other career choice for me. I am, however, also aware that it's a pretty common profession to get into.
BUT I'VE BEEN SO ANXIOUS THESE PAST FEW DAYS TO THE POINT THAT I AM PARALYZED, LINDA. I keep thinking that this certain person I hate will take up the same post-grad degree as me because she hasn't been so active on social media and isn't posting things from her work lately??? It terrifies me!!!!!!! I cry myself to sleep every night!!!!!! I know you'll say that "BUT there's no evidence to that other than her not posting on her social media accounts about her work," which, okay, is a valid argument. But my brain keeps hijacking my more sensible self, who's aware, by the way, that this shouldn't be a big deal. But I can't help it. My mind is going in circles, and I'm spiraling everyday that she doesn't seem to be working in her sUPPOSED WORKPLACE. Have you ever experienced this? How do you cope? I already go to therapy, but I still wonder if you guys have ever gone or are going through this problem or one that's similar to it.
| 2
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I️ wish she would see this and I️ wish she’d come back Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere, I would have followed you
Oh, oh, oh, oh say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something
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Emotional cheating *ANGST POST* yknow I once wished that i could fall so hard and so helplessly into a relationship that would hurt me so bad that I could finally feel something, like the very cliche to have love and lost is better than to never have loved and lost at all, 💁♀️ and I guess I got what I asked for because this guy came out of nowhere when I least expected it after just breaking up. 😧it's like in an affair of any kind everyone is to blame - he stated minutes after we talked about how committed he was in his relationship and I didn't approach him planning to chase him... Why bother getting close to someone when you're gonna leave them anyway? Why tell me that I'm special and pretty and how I'll "find someone better than you" in the most unexpected way. I was closer to you than I was to even my family now that you take that away from what do I have? What is there to heal when there's nothing there in the first place. And all because I look like your girlfriend and resemble your sister? When will someone actually love me for who I am and not what I represent. The only person who loved me and treated me as myself is dead.
| 3
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Anxiety is breaking me I can’t stop overthinking, which leads to panic attacks. I think everyone hates me, I feel like a terrible person, I feel like I’m not good enough. I feel like maybe things would be better without me around. I get so anxious that I scratch the top of my head and pick at my face, I’m on three different medications and they don’t even seem to touch my anxiety. I feel like I’m slowly giving up and I’m so emotionally wore down I just want to stop feeling everything.
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I constantly feel like I need to change/'improve' myself but I don't know what to do Most days I feel okay. Not really happy but just 'chill.' But some days I just feel so so bad and I can't help but feel overwhelmed by all my emotions. And it's those days when I feel inadequate and I feel the need to 'fix' everything that I don't like about myself. And they're all subjective things like how social I am etc. I feel frustrated. And I know that most days I just try to ignore these feelings but I know they're holding me back from meeting new people, trying new things. I don't know what to do and it's overwhelming and frustrating.
i pulled an all nighter and this was on my mind the entire time. I just needed to vent. Hopefully you guys are having a better christmas than I am
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I am tired of the exams. As far as I can remember exams are the only times when I am suicidal. The thoughts come in full force. There have been 3 times where I have had made full planes to end it all but stopped short because I wasn't ever sure how successful my method was going to be. I have been taking exams for four weeks now and I am at the end of my wits. Tomorrow is another one and its impossible to remember each single thing and then correlate them which just increases the number of stuff that you have to remember. Whoever thought that examinations are to be conducted, I hope he/she burns in the bottom of the hell for eternity.
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can't think of a title After 2 whole months of struggling to get out of bed, not wanting to be alive and nothing but nonstop sadness. I started feeling better for a week or two. It took so much work. Every last drop of motivation I had and here I am again. I'm sitting in class, holding back tears. I can't believe this is happening again and I don't feel like I can win this fight again. All the long conversations, hours of sobbing, just to fucking end up here again. I'm tired of feeling like this and now I feel hopeless as ever.
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I'm extremely depressed, my ex left me at the end of November, I don't do alone very well [deleted]
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I'm tired of being the older sibling. Throw away account. I really need to vent on this. You see, I'm the older sibling in the family and for whatever reason, everything is expected from me. Good grades, responsibility, take your brothers here or there. Whenever I make a mistake it is taken with extreme severity and God forgive me if I ever say "no" to a request regardless of my possibility of doing so.
Take today for example, both my parents are out of town, got sick this week with the runs, my two sibling (by the way, legally adults in my country) going out God knows where, and when they got hungry they told me to "buy for food because I work and earn a lot of money". Of course I earn money but thanks to that my parents no longer give me any form of money whereas my brothers receive a salary for doing absolutely nothing. One of my brothers is not working or studying and the other one studies but loves spending money. Me? I gotta go to work 9 hrs a day plus 2 hrs driving on the god damn traffic spending time and gas (which is very expensive) EACH WEEK.
I go to a psycologist, whom I pay with my own money. After years of begging my parents to take me to a psycologist, once I had the money I had to do it myself. And mental health is fucking expensive.
Im just tired, tired of being called out by my younger brothers for being lazy or "the bad guy". Im tired of being tagged as the "bad family member who never cares for his family" or the "grumpy guy whi never raises a finger for his family". Damn, why is this responsibility upon me all the time? I do my best and its never enough, one single mistake and its hell for me but my brothers get a free pass every single time.
I dont know what else to do, I got angry at my mom because she has not taken care of many of the house duties she is supposed to do (not because she's a woman but because she no longer works and is at home all the time) and the kitchen is a mess and all the laundry is dirty... and I called her on that and she freaking snapped at me telling me that she will die and I will feel guity because of it. Like what the fuck, why did she even say that for? jesus. How is she hoping her own death so I feel guilty a sane environment for me? I start to understand why I go to a psicologist. I need to get the fuck away from my house, away from my spoiled brothers, away from my guilty tripping parents and just let them live their bat shit crazy lives so I can just live mine in peace.
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Trouble swallowing I currently have an issue where I'm having trouble swallowing food and drink. I feel like I'm aware of the whole process of swallowing and am nervous about choking. The constant worrying about it is giving me headaches.
I believe distracting myself with a spare hand, looking upwards or slowly leaning forwards is helping but honestly I just want to forget about it so that I don't think about it. And I do forget until I start opening my mouth again.
Has anyone had this problem before?
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Disgusted by people at clubs. Are any loyal people left? Hello, I’m a guy 24M. Who works as bouncer at club and used to party a lot from 19-21. I work at fairly nice club in my country at least one of the most popular if not the most popular. I worked every weekend from Oct to beginning of December. Before that i just worked every now and then. And now i took break the whole December.
Since i started working as bouncer early 2017 and until today i’ve lost so much respect for people that club, I’ve seen so many cheatings, Mostly to be honest from women. From all ages. It comes in all forms, touching, kissing, grinding, going home with each other and even doing sexual things in the bathrooms. Women 99% have excuses like *My husband isn’t fun anymore, My husband and i had argument or the best of best i’m allowed to have fun!* While the guys have also bad excuses like *I don’t know, she’s hot* yes me and the guy i worked with used to have competition what excuse people would say if we asked them when we knew they where in relationship. It was just for fun for us.
Most of the people we see cheat are the ones who come maybe once a month, sometimes they come only once over 2 months for the “fun” (to our club), the people who come frequently are often with their SO, sometimes not then they dance with random people, grind sometimes kiss and touch. But Grinding is just what each judge on their own.
I just wanted to vent this out since this has been driving me nuts, Seeing so much cheating, from all ages. Both genders. Married people. I had to take break from work. Because i was starting really to doubt if there where loyal people left. New years party at my club, A girl i know caught her boyfriend cheating while she had been cheating on him earlier that night, Karma. I saw more cheating just in one night than over 2 day weekend. It was horrible.
**i know there are loyal people left, but in my country with population of less than 500.000 people, seeing cheating happening 10-15 times over weekend was too much, It happens all the time**
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How should I spend my last night? Tomorrow is my time
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Sick of social media. I'm just so sick of it. I was on the bus this morning and I saw this fucking kid using Snapchat and styling his hair up and all that shit. It's mainly Snapchat, and I'm part of a small minority at my school who actively shuns stuff like Snapchat and instagram. The thing is, I'm in the perfect age demographic for all this shit, I'm 13. I feel like I'm more intelligent than half the people because I don't waste my time taking pictures of myself and using idiotic filters over my face. I tried it once, Snapchat, interface was clunky, it was hard to use, I deleted it after ten minutes. I hear people talking about it in class and I just feel...disappointed. Disappointed in what we as a race have accomplished, yet all they care about if how they look on their phones. I guess you could call me a hipster for staying away from all this, and I guess you'd be right. It's just....it's a stupid app for petty teenagers who only care about popularity. I hate it.
If anyone read this, thank you for letting me vent.
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Angry / crying a lot lately. Not sure if it’s grief or change in medication. I’m just looking for advice, I guess. I lost my mother in August and I’ve been a mess ever since. I switched from celexa to Luvox a few months ago due to worsening ocd (intrusive thoughts). It was okay until I went to 3 pills a day. It made me feel...”manic”? I also started drinking heavily while taking it.
My last psych appt was Friday and I was switched from Luvox to viibryd.
Since August, I’ve been having crying spells out of nowhere, basically any time I think of my mom. It was a bit better with the Luvox, but now on viibryd, I’ve been crying every day, sometimes more than once a day. I also get angry and frustrated at every little thing.
The anger thing has happened before, when my grandpa died a few years ago. So I’m hesitant to blame the viibryd. I just want some advice. I want relief. Im miserable. I want to switch psychs because I feel like she’s not doing enough. And the intrusive thoughts are getting worse now that I’m off Luvox. But the anxiety was unbearable when I was off celexa or viibryd.
If anyone reads this, thank you. Any advice is appreciated. I’m desperate for help.
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Need advice...should i move So I have been going to school in michigan and i am going to be a senior in college next year and to make a long story short I absolutely hate it there. I used to swim for the college I am at but quit because I feel like all the kids were selfish, egotistical pricks and after three years of doing that, I have made no other true friends outside of the team. So now, I really am just going to school, in a town that puts me in the absolute worst moods because all my friends are assholes who have great hearts, they just don't have the capability of really putting themselves in other peoples shoes because they always have to focus on getting enough sleep, their schoolwork and of course swimming. Also, I parents that would let me stay with them, but they have a shady past that they wont tell me. And my dad cheated on my mom so its not the best living environment getting yelled at by parents who wont be open about their mistakes when I know theyve made them and they are so judgmental and hostile towards each other and me which I cannot comprehend how they could have just "settled" into living their lives the way they do. So, I would have the option of going back and living with them but man I just want my independence. I want to move, I want to make a living all by myself, I want to meet new people and most importantly I know there will be set backs and failures along the way but I know I can make it. So I really just want to move and make a living on my own. I also have been so angry lately. I know that this can be a really bad decision for somebody, but i am young and i feel like i can make it and its the best time to do it
tl;dr: I hate school, I don't have the best home environment, should I moved and get a job and finish school supporting myself?
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A farewell Thank you for your companionship over the past year. I have often written here about hard feelings: feelings of isolation, fear, shame, anger, confusion. I have been rewarded many times over by those who express feelings in kind. Outside of Reddit, I rarely find such frankness. I am grateful. Thank you for your time, your kindness, your gentleness. You are peace.
Edit: This is not a suicide threat. I am sorry if I alarmed you. Although I often want to destroy myself, I recall someone who said, "A big no demands demands an equally big yes." I am often isolated, frightened, filled with shame, but I have many reasons to persist: friends. family, an active research program.
In spite of my self-destructive mode, you know what brings me joy right now? It's a song that someone posted in one of my myriad deleted threads: Bjork's [Hyper-ballad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCtOMejTNKE). I had listened to it a thousand times before, but I had never really paid attention to the lyrics. I cherish it.
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The worst thing with depression for me. The worst thing with depression for me is that I am at the stage where I am constantly expecting bad things to happen. I am always on edge, always wondering when the next bad thing is gonna happen. I get nervous when the phone vibrates, when I see new emails or when I get letters out of the mailbox. I even get small moments of relief after Ive checked my email and see that there is nothing bad there. Anyone else relate to this?
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Celexa (Citalopram) and blurry vision I've been on Citalopram for 5 days, and I am starting to have blurry vision. I've noticed it the last 2-3 days. It has been mostly noticeable at night, but it is more noticeable today during the day. It is just slightly blurry, and at night there is a bit more of a halo around lights. When it is noticeable, it feels like my eyes are sticky when I blink.
I called my doctor today because this is listed as a side effect to contact your doctor over. I was told to continue for 1-2 weeks to see if the side effect goes away, and to call back if it gets worse.
I just wanted to see what experiences other people have had. I feel rather nervous since it is my eyes that are affected. I am especially worried because I have never had good vision, and my family doesn't have a history of good vision. If it is a simple side effect that will go away, that's fine, but I'm worried about permanent damage. I want to trust my doctor, but this was highlighted as a particularly bad effect.
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The only thing left was the ability to laugh, and I lost it two years ago. Now I have complete anhedonia.
Is anyone else completely unable to laugh (or smile) naturally? I'm unable to enjoy anything anymore.
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Is there any hope for single bipolar people finding and keeping an SO? Also, when is a good time to tell someone you are interested in that you have bipolar?
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Helping a Friend with Bad Anxiety Hi all, hope everyone is having a great day. I have a question that I was hoping you guys could help me with. I have a friend (20M) who often has bad anxiety. This doesn't stop him from doing things while he is anxious and a lot of time he doesn't even say that he is anxious, but often I can tell. I am lucky enough to not suffer from this problem, however this means I have no experience with how to help him. I have asked him if there is anything I can do when he has these attacks (is this considered an attack?) and he said that there is nothing he can think of. Does anyone have any ideas on how I might be able to help him or resources I can use to be a better friend?
Cheers!
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I get addicted to people. It sucks. I know it's a personality floor, but I easily get addicted to people.
Like, I've been seeing this girl for a few not-saying-it-but-it-really-is dates, and I am honestly the happiest I can remember being. But if I don't talk to her for a day, I start to get really down.
It happens to me all the time, and it really isn't good.
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I don't want to live anymore but I don't have the courage to end it There's too many bad events that happened in such a short amount of time. I've never really wanted to live for years now but I never really thought about killing myself and just go along with life to just be alive. But right now I'm just sick and tired of being alive. I just want everything to end but I never could gather the courage to kill myself. Everytime it will just end up with me slicing my arm with no result because I don't have the courage to follow through till the end. If only someone could end my life for me, that would be great.
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Does anyone else like taking long walks while it snows? Everything is quieter.
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I act like such an asshole to my friends and act like I don’t know why they are the same to me I’m always starting drama and doing stupid things like starting arguments with people, I don’t know why I act like this and I hate it
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Give me a reason or motivation plz have one of my hardest phases rn, plz help me with motivation
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I dressed up in my dark, formal clothes and walked out of the house this morning. That person never made it back. It feels like they're gone. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but that person must have been buried alongside my brother. Whatever came back, it isn't me anymore. I left this morning, but I never made it out of that national cemetery. I'm still there, with my grandfather and my brothers.
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Is this anxiety? I am sorry if this is a stupid question but every night when I go to bed I feel like I am going to either die in my sleep or I start crying because I start appreciate a lot more people in my life than how I do now. When I say I feel like dying I mean I feel like the next day or something I won't be alive. I have also gotten a lot of Deja vu moments. Also I feel like I have been faced with a choice between life or death in the past couple of days. It just feels like things are being taken away from me that I have to just sit and watch it happen.
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Need tips to manage depression at work There are a lot of days when I have to actively fight the urge to get out of my seat at work and run away into the woods. Since I cannot do that, I end up looking through Reddit or Facebook or something else that momentarily calms this angst. But I need to work !!!!! Does anyone have tips to subdue my existential thoughts and just get my work done. (I love my job, by the way. I just wish I loved myself and my life to enjoy this job that I love)
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Not sure how I should be feeling. I broke up with my ex and I was over him, like seriously over him it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders because he was addicted to pain pills. I started talking to someone else and it seems like it’s going really good. I found out this past weekend that my ex overdosed and now it’s like I’m not over him. I can’t stop crying and I’m feeling so depressed. I shouldn’t be like this but I loved and cared so much about him and hate that his addiction took his life. It seemed like he was over me because when he overdosed he was in a hotel with two other girls. I don’t know why I can’t get over this feeling that I could have done more for him, even though I know there wasn’t anything I could have done. It has eaten me up so much inside, I can’t take this feeling anymore.
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I [25M] recently left a year long emotionally abusive relationship with my GF[28F], wanting to hear peoples thoughts on an aspect of it that was very physically painful and confusing [Long Post] **TL;DR;** : Ex-GF used to cut me and left me with a lot of scars. It was a complicated situation and relationship. Confused by the whole thing just wanted to hear others experiences or thoughts on the situation until I can work through it more thoroughly in therapy.
---
I grew up with clinical depression. It caused a lot of issues growing up and for a period of time I turned to self harm as a way to feel something, anything amidst the hopelessness I felt every day. I got help, went through therapy in my late teen years that was extremely successful in helping me deal with my emotions and coping with depression and anxiety. I spent the next few years developing myself and my life, becoming a healthier, happier person.
This is where things get a bit blurry for me. I've always had some masochistic tendencies. I get a certain amount of satisfaction from enduring discomfort or even pain. So while I haven't engaged in self harm since my teenage years I have sometimes done things that I knew would cause me significant discomfort or pain. Examples range from sitting in a hot car on a hot day wearing hot clothes for no real reason, to letting wounds or injuries sometimes go untreated to enjoy the discomfort they provide. Things akin to that and along that level. I've done these things while fine for the most part, not in emotional distress, depressed, etc. I've just always felt a slight draw for minor amounts of pain/discomfort. It's never really caused an issue, impaired my life or happiness, been an obsession or overwhelming pull, and so I've never felt the need to seek help for it or gave it much thought.
Around November of last year I met someone. I fell in love for the first time. The relationship, which I got out of just a few weeks ago, was extremely unhealthy. I was in so much pain every day trying to stay in the relationship and cope with the intense negative feelings a lot of aspects of the relationship caused. I ended up cutting myself for emotional release a month or two into it. It was the only way I could think of to ease some of the pain I was experiencing at the time. I had to work and kept having emotional breakdowns at work, having to take breaks so I could break down in the bathroom and cry. I was extremely ashamed of myself. I thought I was past this behavior, thought I had better control over my emotions.
A week or two later I told my ex what had happened. I told her how difficult it was for me to stay and confessed to her what I'd done as a way to try and ease the pain. She already knew about my past and the issues I'd had growing up. I thought she would be disgusted with me, with my lack of strength. Instead she seemed fascinated by it. She thought it was amazing that someone would choose to do this to themselves in an effort to stay with her instead of just leaving (as so many others had in the past). She looked at it as something that took incredible strength to do instead of taking the "easy way" out and just leaving her and the source of my emotional pain.
I latched onto this pretty hard, it was comforting and made me feel much better about my actions. It made me fall even more in love with her and want to do anything for her. I was vulnerable and she had comforted me in a way I had never imagined or thought would happen. And to see her fascination and genuine excitement instead of the sadness and disappointment I had experienced previously in these situations was somewhat liberating, validating, and exciting.
However I knew hurting myself to alleviate emotional pain was incorrect and did my best to get through the emotions without relapsing back to self harm. From the urging of my family and friends I decided to reach out to my therapist from years previous (not for the self harm, most of them were unaware of the relapse at this point. They were concerned with my emotionally unstable and depressed state).
My ex had a very abusive, traumatic past and had ran into many issues with doctors and therapists at multiple points in her life. She knew of my success with therapy in the past and my positive feelings towards therapy. I worried she would have an issue with me seeing a therapist, especially in the context of discussing our relationship dynamic. But when I told her about of my appointment with my therapist she was encouraging and very positive about it. I was relieved and actually very thankful for the support and encouragement for something I knew she wasn't entirely comfortable with.
Fast forward a couple of weeks later, a few nights before the day of the appointment. She's bit on edge (more than usual) and I ask her what's going on. She tells me that she's actually really upset that I'm going to be talking to my therapist. She's upset that I didn't realize sooner since I know how she feels about therapy in general and that if I talk to my therapist and they hear about our dynamic then they'll for sure try to convince me to leave the relationship. I do my best to reassure her, let her know I won't be leaving, if anything I'll be exploring ways to help me stay and deal with my emotions regarding the difficult aspects of our relationship, that I love her. She eventually settles down and seems reassured.
So morning of the appointment she's upset again and kind of flips out on me. I do my best to reassure her, I really don't want to go to my session on the back end of a fight. Nothing seems to calm her down, she seems sure that I'm going to go my appointment and come back and break up with her. I remember how curious she had been about my cutting, how it made her feel calm and reassured. I pull out my knife and ask her to cut me.
At first she was a bit taken aback, hesitant. I tell her this will be a bond between us and that this would be something that would be a secret from my therapist. I'm not going there today to discuss my self harm, it's for my depression regarding the relationship dynamic, so this will be a secret between the two of us. She quickly warms to the idea, but is a bit hesitant. I have to help her, hold and guide her hand, apply the pressure. This calms her down, reassures her, and brings us closer together in a unique way.
From there it evolved. She started to want it, to need it. The first few times she was still a bit hesitant, but she quickly grew more and more comfortable with it. She would tell me all the time how it helps her, calms her down, eases her pain, her stress. She would tell me how amazing I am, how incredible it is that I'm able to take this kind of pain for her. These moments are extremely intimate, bonding, ritualistic, and they start to become an integral part of our relationship. I start to offer it to her, to encourage it. When she had moments when she would start to lose control or spiral I'd always felt helpless. I was never able to help her in any meaningful or significant way it felt like. Now when those things happened I had something I could do, something to offer besides just being there letting her know she's not alone.
There would be times when she would doubt herself, doubt whether she should be doing something like this and I told her it was ok. I let her know about my curiosity with pain. I was consenting, I wanted to be there for her, and I wanted to explore that side of myself as well. Sometimes I would ask her to do it, during times when I was so overwhelmed by emotions.
Depression, frustration, sadness, anger were a constant in my life regarding many other things in our relationship and at times it helped ease that. Other times I let it happen because I knew how badly she wanted it. Sometimes I was so lonely and knew no other way to receive any sort of intimacy from her (and no I don't mean sex, I mean any sort of meaningful physical contact. A hug, a kiss, just being able to hold her...). It's still really hard for me to sort out exactly. At some point it became so normal that I thought very little of it(at least compared to how I'm sure most rational people would). Even now I realize I have developed a slightly distorted view compared to most others on the severity of injuries or wounds.
I remember how painful it used to get. I never used anesthetics, alcohol, or anything to help dull the pain. I remember walking around with over a dozen cuts at times. I'd come home from work and peel off blood soaked shirts. I'd wake up in the middle of the night with blood pooling through bandages. Constant pain became my way of life and I embraced it. A lot of times it made it easier to forget the much greater pain I felt from the relationship.
It resulted in some very large scars. She started to design and plan out where and how she would cut me. On my back were the beginnings of wings. My shoulder and chest were armor with badges and symbolic elements amidst what looked like simply lines and lines of scar tissue. She would use my blood in art. There was a canvas that was simply layers upon layers of my dried blood. There were paintings that incorporated my blood into existing elements. Sometimes she would mix it with other things for use as a bindi(no she's not Indian). All of it meant something special and important to her. She often expressed how irreplaceable I was to her. I was willing to do anything for her (the physical pain I endured I actually compare as being relatively easy compared to many other things in the relationship).
A couple times she engaged in cutting herself. Nothing quite to the point she was doing to me, but I actively discouraged her from it. I would rather she cut me than herself. A couple of times she asked me to cut her along specific points. The intent being more ritualistic and spiritual than emotional. I agreed, but it always made me squeamish and uncomfortable to do it to her. Luckily it only happened a few times. She cut herself a couple of times due to emotional distress or symbolic reasons during this time as well, but it never grew to be more than that (thank goodness).
This went on for many months. The level of activity would wane at times and we'd go a week or two without doing any. Other times it would be several times a week. Eventually it evolved further. I had a trip I was going on and I couldn't have any open wounds while I was gone. I knew she would have to go several weeks without cutting me. I felt badly and wanted to ease her pain so I came up with the plan to instead draw some blood so she could at least have some on hand to use for art or to use in her rituals. She really like the idea so I asked a friend who drew blood for a living if he could do me this favor. He agreed, my friends and family all knew about the cutting and the way it had developed.
She came to me one day and asked what I thought about her ingesting my blood instead. I was a bit wary at first. It seemed dangerous and potentially unhealthy. We did a bit of research, there was actually very little risk as long as I was healthy. I'd been screened for diseases when giving blood previously and the chance of iron overdose was low as well considering the volume/frequency she intended to consume especially considering her already iron deficient diet. So I supported her decision.
Consuming my blood was life altering for her. A lot of the pain she was in on a daily basis was alleviated. Stomach issues that were such a problem before were now easily soothed with my blood. For her it wasn't simply the physical act of drinking the blood. The love I felt for her, the commitment and devotion I gave her, the sacrifices I made for her gave it meaning and power. I loved her... I loved her so much.
Being cut for feeding was very different. The intensity was now less on the cutting, I would usually only get cut once or twice now. Just enough to establish enough bleeding for her to get enough to feel sated. But the intensity of having her literally sucking the blood out of my arm, back, or shoulder was quite different.
She would have times where she would wrestle with the thought of what she was doing, drinking human blood. It would sometimes cause pretty bad breakdowns, but throughout all of it she would also insist on how much it helped. It helped relieve issues that she had struggled with her entire life. She wasn't sure why or how and she didn't want to see anymore doctors about it. She'd been through enough of that in her lifetime and all she cared was that she finally had something that she knew worked and someone willing to help her. So even though sometimes it tore her up, made her feel like some kind of monster, or scared her, she would always come back to wanting or needing it.
Throughout this I worried, I wondered if we should stop. She was always so conflicted, so worried and depressed. Upon broaching the subject with her however she would express the need for it and how badly she needed me to support her decision. She wasn't sure if she could handle not having it any more and she needed me to be strong and confident about it especially when she couldn't be. So I did my best to push my fears and doubts down and did my best to reassure and encourage her.
And so I gave. I gave everything I had to her. Not just my pain and blood. But one day she lashed out at me viciously, cruelly, and unfairly. She pushed me away and I didn't understand why. But I left. I tried to forget about her, tried to move on. A month of staying away, dismissing her calls and texts for help about things that were no longer my concern or responsibility. But everyday I wondered why she had treated me that way, how she could think that was alright? Especially when I gave her everything I had(much more than just the blood)? And so eventually I went back. I went back when she promised how different things would be, how much she regretted what she'd done, how much she realized she loved me, needed me.
Things were different at first, feeding was minimal. She'd talked to people who were familiar with blood drinking in my absence to try to ascertain more about what was going on. Try to figure out more about how to incorporate this into her life. She worried about relying on me for it, in case we fought again, in case I left again. I reassured her but made no more promises. I knew now what could happen, how she could throw away everything I was willing to give. Things went well for months though. She considered by physical and emotional well being, was considerate, thoughtful, and kind. There were still issues in the relationship but I received more now than I ever had before.
After a few months of this she wanted to get a place together. I fully believed in her. She was treating me better than she ever had in our entire relationship. I thought this would be the next step in advancing our relationship, to create a foundation for our future together.
Things changed drastically once we moved in together. She fed somewhat regularly, but now it was a few times a day. 2-4 times a day I was getting cut and she would feed. The cuts were smaller, but it started to take its toll on me. I changed my diet to an extremely restricted one to match her eating habits (her request). I took iron supplements to try to make up for the constant blood loss. I was her only source of blood and she would often worry about the ramifications of me leaving, me losing too much blood for her to feed, or if something were to happen to me. She started having issues in daylight or daytime hours in general (yeah, yeah, no vampire jokes please). She would spend her days stuck in our room, blankets over the windows, in complete darkness and isolation. This caused deep depression. Every day she would wait for me to come home so she could feed and not be alone. I was at a loss to help, at nights she would go out while I slept but she felt so alone that she would often request me to stay up with her.
Around this time the cutting started to become extremely painful. I had never told her no and never shed a tear even among some of the largest and deepest cuts. But now these small cuts started to cause me so much pain. It was only 2-3 at a time and they were smaller and shallower than any of the ones I had received during the first 9 months of our relationship. I worried about telling her, she had so much worry and anxiety about what would happen if she could no longer get blood. She relied upon it so heavily. When I told her I made sure she knew that I was willing to endure the pain, even if got worse I would endure. I would endure the fleeting physical pain to give relief to my beloved from her pain. No matter what I would do that for her, so she doesn't have to worry.
The pain started to intensify. We would discuss possible causes, potential fixes. It got to the point that even these small cuts caused me to weep and cry in pain. We had a session with larger cuts. I literally had to gag myself and scream to endure the pain. But I never told her no, I never asked her to stop. We tried some things, varying success. At times when she would start to spiral emotionally and be unable to cut me but needed the blood still I would have to cut myself. She would tell me how important it is for her, that if I really wanted to help her in those moments then I should remember how badly she needs it.
In our final months leading up to the break up this was my life with pain. I ended up leaving for a multitude of reasons not really related to this issue(there were a great many other issues in this relationship), but in the aftermath of everything, I have had to hold onto these memories and question what happened. Every day I look at my body and the scars I carry and question myself. My willingness to so easily do something so extreme. To give in such totality all of myself to someone.
I'm currently in therapy and attending support groups to understand various aspects of this relationship and myself. There were a lot of issues that I need to unravel and get through but I haven't made significant progress in this area yet with my therapist amongst everything else. I've come to understand some of the various ways in which the relationship was emotionally abusive and the ways in which I was codependent. This post was more for this physically painful aspect and was hoping to hear other people's experiences, thoughts, or comments on something like this. Questions and comments welcome, I somewhat just needed to get this off my chest.
| 3
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Im so scared right now that I can feel how Im slowly losing my mind...save me I just watched "Happy Death Day", its basically a newer version of "Groundhog Day" and its about a person whos stuck in the same day over and over again.
The sole idea of that happening in real life is driving me insane right now and I dont think Ive ever been this scared in my life before. A lot of scary thoughts are running through my head as I write this: "What if I wake up tomorrow and its the same date?", "What if I get stuck in a loop forever?", "What if I start killing myself to escape that hell but keep coming back to life?", "What if everything I do stops making sense?" etc.
Seriously, Im going crazy right now. Im lying in my bed, covered my head with a blanket, crying and screaming out loud (I live alone).
Please help me...I wish I had never seen that movie :(((
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Who are you? With all the ups and downs I don't think I know who I am yet 34f.
Am I the person I am on meds? I'm kinda dull, not very talkative. Or is this me being judgemental of myself because I loved hypomania so much?
What are my values? How do I give and receive love? All these things are confusing because I have never had on the same mask...whats under them??
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Intrusive thoughts TW: self harm I feel like all of my posts on here are Debbie downer or complaining. So sorry in advance
I’ve been having intrusive thoughts lately even though my cocktail was working good enough. I’ve had the same thought for weeks now, I want to cut my right shoulder. Deep enough to hurt, but not enough to need stitches and others to notice. Not sure why it’s that shoulder? Maybe my brain loves my tattoos on the other shoulder too much? Idk. I just can’t get out of this funk with coping skills. To top it all off, I’m having that pre-dissociative feeling, which would mean the above would likely happen against my will, so that’s cool
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I am so drained My friend is suicidal and plans to go through with it. I have tried doing everything in my fucking power to stop him from doing it, but in the end I don't even think any of it fucking mattered at all because he's going to do it anyways. I hate myself, and I almost hate him. And I hate that I sort of hate him because he is the one who is considering killing himself right now, not me. I have been trying to talk him out of it, trying to brighten up his day, crying, worrying when I should be studying for my finals, freaking out about losing a good friend, and basically turning into a nervous wreck. I'm starting to think that everyone will just leave me in some way for some reason because I'm not enough. I'm obviously not helping my friend enough, because if I was then he wouldn't be considering killing himself, right? I feel awful and guilty and terrible for even making this post because MY FUCKING FRIEND IS FUCKING CONSIDERING FUCKING KILLING HIMSELF but I just can't help but feel like I am being so god damned drained by this. My grades might suffer. My emotional state is definitely suffering. This is even starting to seep into my other relationships because I'm so worried and irritable and scared. I've cried myself to sleep for the last few nights because I'm probably going to lose a friend to suicide. A good friend, a friend that I feel very close to, a friend that I even consider an older brother of sorts. And I'm just so fucking drained by all of it. A part of me says "You've done the best you can, and now you need to focus on your education, your future career, your other relationships, and yourself." but the other part of me says "Bullshit, you haven't done the best you can because if you did then he would be laughing right now and not crying." My anxiety is bad enough as it is. He is dragging me down with him, whether he means to or not. Some of my friends tell me to keep him talking, but I don't know how much longer I can even do that. Others tell me to use psychological tools to help pull him back, but they backfire. I just don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. This is just a very long and very rambly post where I probably repeat what I say five times throughout the post but I'm too drained to even bother checking. Woe to those who actually read this entire post.
| 4
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3 years ago I gave up on my dream Three years ago I started my career in IT as a Desktop Tech, even though I enjoy my job SOMEDAYS!!! Ever since I have felt stuck in life as if not be going anywhere. I miss the days before, college dreams and hope. It seems like a dream now, but I can’t even remember what it feels like to be happy I mean truly happy. Old memories hunt me again. I have seen a therapist regarding things and all it seems like they want to do is pump me fool of pills I don’t want. One suggested I should cut off a friendship with a girl. After looking things over and over. I have come to realize what it was that triggered this depression. It wasn’t the moment I started my career it was the moment I gave up on my dream. The day I stopped drawing. Ever since I began rebuilding my art studio and pursing my dream again I have been feeling happier.
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Managing without medication? First I'd like to say that I'm entirely new to Reddit and only joined to find forums for this. I have Bipolar type 1 and was diagnosed when I was 17, I'm now 22. When I was younger, I was on a combination of meds and they made things much worse. Now I don't have insurance, and am hitting a peak in my disorder that I've never had before. It's causing issues for my fiancée, and I can't even function. What can I do, without having access to start treatment? Does anyone else manage without medications?
I'm at the end of my rope and I really don't know how much more I can handle of these feelings.
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Lithium vs seroquil? Howdy all!
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about two months ago (on top of depression, anxiety, and ADHD that I take Adderall for), so I am still learning about what that entails, and am going through the pain staking process of finding meds that work.
I started with Seroquil, and despite the initial shitty side effects, it actually helped a lot. However, in only a month of taking it, I gained 10-15lbs! So today I'm getting my first dose of lithium.
What can I expect? Is it as effective as Seroquil? Any experience with Adderall as well? (And yes I will be getting blood work!)
Additionally, she also suggested Abilify, but I liked the idea of directly monitoring a precise dosage via bloodwork better. Is Abolify better, or will this be a good choice?
Thanks y'all!
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My anxiety is manageable but I feel like I’m seriously missing out Because I’m afraid to do so much I’m capable of
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Is my tingling scalp anxiety/stress or something more serious? The doctor says that my physical symptoms are anxiety. One day I got a tingling/crawling sensation in my scalp and it disappeared in minutes. However it felt wrong and that bothered me. A month later I got it again. Then two weeks later. Now it's always there and won't go away.
Not only that but before it was painless. Now my scalp feels more sensitive. I also have a weird feeling in my scalp, like the type of feeling you get when you run into spider webs. It's almost that same feeling.
Doctor gave me Zoloft and it appeared I was ok for like a week. That didnt last and now it's starting to become painful. Not severe but more like a minor headache.
My job is stressful so I'm assuming it's work stress.
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It’s time I am going to talk to my dad today about getting help. Wish me luck
| 2
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I guess ‘let’s at least remain friends’ doesn’t work for me. [deleted]
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paranoid about friendships? Especially newer friendships? A few years ago I used to always be very paranoid and anxious about my friendships. I would be constantly ringing and texting them to make sure they still liked me and that we were still friends. I was always afraid that I had done something wrong and that they didn't want to be my friend because of this. Currently as I am in a new city and trying to make new friends, this has cropped up again in my life. I feel I am clinging to certain people and getting so annoyed and frustrated when they don't reply.
Has anyone ever felt this way and what was the best way you dealt with it?
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Christmas hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. Not doing so great right now. Usually Christmas just passes me by, but this year felt different.
For the first time I wasn't invited to dinner with my family. I got a couple of hallmark cards, just posted through the door, no attempt to even see if I was in (I should know, I don't work at the moment).
Friends offered some sympathy, but like my family I'm being passed over for the first time in a few years. Last year I got a couple presents from people which I adored, this year they didn't get me anything, off-hand they mentioned that unlike last year we weren't all in the same town. Didn't stop them sending gifts and cards to other people via post. I spend so much time online with them but I've never felt more rejected.
I'd be okay not receiving anything, just an honest "We wanted too but couldn't afford it" and I'd be fine, but being the one person out of half a dozen people who wasn't thought of is crushing. I've sent cards out to everyone and I've gotten no thanks. Usually I wouldn't need it, but when you're feeling ignored you just want to cling on to any hope that someone gives a crap.
So, here I am. Coming up on Christmas eve, decorations up but no gifts. No dinner to enjoy when the day comes around or anyone to celebrate with. Worst of all I've been on the verge of tears listening to people in conversations about how they're planning lots of games and food and how they're so excited and I get to spend it alone.
Man it's bad enough that I've had a real shitty few months, then I get this friendly reminder that slowly everyone's starting to pull themselves away from me. Worse still I know that I'm afraid that any mention of this and I'll seem like some angry, petty kid who's upset because he didn't get any presents from Santa. No, I'm just real fucking lonely.
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Is me or is it the jobs I choose Third job in a row should mean the problem is me right?
I work my ass off. Always volunteer and am eager to help out on extra tasks. I am the reliable colleague. Until the workload gets too much.
Then no other colleague wants to play their part as a team and take their turn. Nobody wants to do the job, and now everyone turns to me. I am the problem because I can no longer do the jobs that nobody wants to do. No convenient dumping ground. Usually, the boss is grateful, nonetheless.
But not this time. Guess who is the boss' punching bag? I get assigned tasks nobody wants to do. They are messy, they are problematic. They go wrong as predicted. I get blamed. I cannot cope with work, so I quietly do my work. But no, I need to do more and do them all well. I don't know which part of not being able to cope do they not get.
I must be doing something wrong at work. How do people ring fence their work and get away with doing so much less? While I am burnt out and taken advantaged off.
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I think #metoo movement has gone off its rails. First, disclaimer: I'm not a mysognistic asshole. I think it's getting to a place where accountability is no longer being taken by many involved.
Like the Salma Hayek thing. Whenever Harvey Weinstein treated asked her for sexual favors, that's absolutely wrong. But whenever Harvey Weinstein asked her to do things for commercial reasons, it doesn't mean he's abusing her. He was well known to be a very demanding and tough person to work with. So if he pushed her to get better directors or co-stars or script, its completely reasonable he was doing that to make a better picture and not in a personal attack on Salma.
Yet, everything is now painted in a sexual light. If a man rejects a woman on the basis of merit, it's automatically because there's some misogyny involved.
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Seriously, WHY bother? If I don't enjoy living, and I need to work a job I don't like to continue doing so, is there any good reason to continue?
I've posted here before asking [Why bother with a world that isn't a meritocracy?](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7g0mnq/why_bother_with_a_world_that_isnt_a_meritocracy/), and unfortunately the response seems to be either "The world isn't fair" (restating the fact with no solution), or "Yeah that sucks, maybe you should lower your expectations?" (useless).
I'm becoming more and more desperate for some kind of workable advice, as I promised myself at the end of last year that I would not suffer through another year if there hasn't been any improvement. Everything is only getting worse -- I am getting more steadily underemployed, NOBODY listens to the music I spend most of my time on, and I have no real friendships.
So why bother living? Every week, I need to work my ass off to have the privilege of living another week to work more. It's completely pointless, the world has shown me time and time again it has nothing remotely enjoyable for me, and I'm only getting more depressed.
Really, what is the reason to stay at this point? And if you're going to come in and say "I can't answer that for you", don't bother replying at all. Easy, right?
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Panic Attacks like clockwork? DAE get panic attacks so regular that it is like clockwork?
This quarter, I found myself feeling immense anxiety over being a TA. I absolutely have loved being a TA in the past, but have felt incredible anxiety about it this time around. I worry that I am a horrible TA, that my professor only hired me out of obligation, and that he and all my students think I'm not not smart and qualified to teach them. This has led me to having panic attacks before almost every class before I go teach. It is like clockwork, class starts at 11 am and around 10:15-10:30 I can feel the doom and shaking begin. I started going to the bathroom around this time, and putting my head between my knees readying myself. I almost feel like I am triggering my own panic attacks by having the expectation it will happen.
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I just want to feel loved My husband and I are under a lot of stress. It's causing stupid arguments between us and leading to a lot of anxiety in me. My mental health issues are flaring up and I have no one to talk to.
He's mad at me right now. He won't talk to me and he went to bed at 6 tonight just to get away from me. I feel so worthless and horrible. He reaches for me in his sleep but when he wakes up, he pushes me away. I can't talk to him about what I've been dealing with. It just leads to arguments. "Just get over it. Don't let it control you" he always says.
I'm unemployed. I'm gaining weight. I feel disgusting. I want him to love me and show he loves me right now. We'll get through this. We've had worse fights but I feel so alone.
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It just bothers me.. It bothers me that you can have fun unless you drink and act dumb with other people. It makes me sad that i rarely get invited to parties. So I just sit home alone. It just bothers me.
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Does anyone else believe in luck? I can't help but feel like the concept of luck exists and that everything I do is destined to fail just because I'm the one I'm doing. I'm highly superstitious (which comes with its own problems) and I can't seem to break out of thinking like this. It feels hopeless to try and hope for anything because I'll just be crushed in the end.
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Been doing okay lately, but now experiencing a set back at 3am [deleted]
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Can i just keep trying to live my life and when everything goes to shit, just give up and die? Like fr though....
Why the fuck do i gotta live? I never asked to be born. I was thrust into this stupid excuse of a world and now im expected to live in it? I been in and about depresion for the past 4 years now. 4 years as in freshmen to senior of high school. Anyways, ive been browsing other peoples stories and how they wanna kill themselves and shit. And i thought, maybe it wouldnt be so bad if they did? Like damn, not tryna be mean but seriously. Living aint for everyone. If people wanna die, then let em die. Like me. I tried posting my story and ranting my fuckin head off on various websites and shit but every fuckin time i do, i always get the same wipeshit from people commenting. "Please dont do it, you have so much to live for! So much to offer the world, you're gonna do great things in this life! Even if you think noone cares about you, we do!" Man fuck that. And fuck them. You dont fuckin care about me. You cant cuz you dont fuckin know me. You dont even know what i look like yet you have the fuckin audacity to tell me you fuckin care about me? Hell fuckin naw. And i aint gonna do great things in life. Im not smart, creative, im not a fucking revolutionary human being. I aint got nothin special about me, so how the fuck you gon tell me ima do great shit? Fuck that. Why all you motherfuckers tryna act all happy and shit? We're fuckin pissed off, depressed, sad about every fuckin thing around us and yall actin like we on fuckin sesame street or some shit. The world isnt peach motherfuckin keen. If we wanna fuckin die cuz we lost all fuckin hope, then let us die. Let us the fuck alone. We're there to vent, not have you come up in our shit like you know what we been through. The shit we have to deal with every fuckin day, every fuckin minute of our useless worthless fuckin lives. I dont give 2 and a half fucks if yall feel like doin that shit here on reddit. Cuz i know yall gon do it anyways. Thinkin yalls some angels and saints up in here. Fuck all yall. Im still tryin though. I aint lost all hope yet. Just know that when i do lose all hope, and i will, ima fuckin die. Ima go 100 down the fuckin highway and swerve off into the opposite side and hit a fuckin semi. Aint no fuckin way ima survive and aint no fuckin way ima feel a damn thing. Im a good fuckin apple, dont fuckin smoke or drink or any of that white people shit so i might pop a fuckin blunt and drown my fuckin sorrows in some vodka, who fuckin knows? Just trust that ima die and when i do, ima come after yall. All yalls motherfuckas. All you happy motherfuckers tryna act all optimistic and shit. Ima pay my homeboy Hades with some gold drachmas just so i can leave the underworld and haunt all yall stupid asses. Take form of everyones worst fears and fuck yall in yo bed. Ima haunt yalls dreams, turn that stupid good shit into straight fuckin nightmares. Go all five nights at freddies on yall stupid asses. Trust that shit. Ima make yall fall into a never ending cycle of nightmares so that yall cant ever wake up and know for sure you're actually awake or not. Ima make all yall rue the fuckin day yall decided to save a human life.
| 3
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] |
I don't really want to die, but after having suicidal thoughts all my life, I know that's how I'll go. And it may happen soon. Title is self explanatory. I don't have a particularly difficult life, but I cannot stand myself. I've been weakwilled for as long as I can remember. Anxiety, anger and loneliness have always been with me. I can't imagine my life getting better. So please spare me the "it gets better" comments because I know some of you are about to type that shit and it pisses me off. I'm already angry at myself all the time anyway. Hell, tonight's usual depressive breakdown was triggered because of a goddamned video game. I suck so bad at the few things I care about, what even is the damn point? Even video games, which are supposed to be fun, become an exercise in frustration as I am constantly exposing myself for the absolute fraud that I am. Practice practice, but you never get better. Ever. It sucks. There is no point in working hard when every one else is so damn talented and well adjusted. None. Do you see why i cannot help but think of dying all the time? For 12 years straight, probably even earlier. It's the one thing in my life that is constant at all times. I start getting better and better... then all the self loathing and anger and pathetic self pity come back, and with it the desire to die. It's my only genuine desire. The one single constant. As ironic as it is, it's my reason for existing.
So, I know it will happen. I don't want to, but it will. Absolutely. I did my research and i know that people who think more of suicide become increasingly more likely to go through with it. It's how I'll go. Hopefully before I then 35. I don't want to be a creepy old man because that's who I'll be at this rate. Not that I can imagine myself turning 35. Or 30. I hope you can all understand why it is that I am constantly thinking of dying. Please don't come in here saying the usual "let's talk buddy!" I detest that shit and if you're gonna do that, save yourself the words.
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Not sure what to do. Hi,
I don't know what to do, ya know.
I sort of want a quiet place...you think it'll be quiet on the other side?
Sometimes I'm so tempted to just get up and end it right then and there.
Fear of the unknown and thoughts of my family stop me dead (haha) in my tracks.
I just want everything to go away
Why was I given this life
I didn't ask for it
Why can't we just start over?
I don't know what to do, ya know.
Best,
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I‘ve been having thoughts about suicide, but lately I haven‘t been able to tell whether they‘re just obsessive thoughts or actual suicidal thoughts. [deleted]
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No meds work for me Long story short - 2 weeks ago I got into a mental hospital into the worst unit, where you just sit in a hallway from waking up to going to sleep. Thankfully im in a better unit now, I can have my phone n stuff.
Ok but basically I started taking escitil (lexapro) just from regular psychiatrist, after 2 months I was a mess and ended up here because of threatening to kill myself and others. Here they started giving me sertraline (zoloft) 150mg and something else. Welp, Ive tried around 6 different meds here in a span of 2 weeks. Im taking most of them 3 times a day. I dont even know what im taking and i dont even care anymore. I need to find something which works for me so that I could get out. But i still have some criminal charges on me or something, i might be here for quite some time. Good stuff. Rip school, rip everything. I just felt like writing this.
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I Should Be Happy So, I know I should probably see a professional. However, as a college student still residing in my religious,conservative parents' house and under their health insurance, asking for this would backfire.
My parents are good people with good intentions. But to put it bluntly, they don't believe depression exists, they think that the people who are "depressed" are attention-seekers who need to stay overnight in an "asylum" to realize how sick they aren't.
I know I'm only a year and a half (hopefully) close to graduating, and once I finally apply and get a real job, I have the potential to finally get help. Despite this, I have this idea that I'm only one step away from screwing it all up.
I have supportive friends, who are very open about their feelings and experiences. But, every time I open up to them, I feel like I'm just word vomiting. I'm worried that by clumsily shoving my personal baggage onto them is making them extremely uncomfortable and sometimes I wonder if they are slowly trying to fade me out of their lives.
My boyfriend, who has always been my voice of reason when it comes to these subjects, always supports me. He reminds me that the things I worry about are so far ahead and very trivial (based on the situation), and to take life one day at a time. I feel like I rely on him so much, and even though he reassures me that it's okay, I keep thinking that one day he's going to have enough with my attitude.
I know that the people who matter love me, and I should be grateful for that.
But as grateful as I am, I've thought of disappearing to avoid the possibility that I will become worse and probably drive them all away.
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Is this normal? Will it eventually go away? Is there anything that can make it go away without just "thinking positive, get yourself to do it, focus on the goal"? [deleted]
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If I take 13 mg of klonopin and a ton of booze will I end up in the hospital, the morgue, or just late for work? Currently taking .5 a day. [deleted]
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First time going to therapy. Any advice on what to do in advance to facilitate it? English is not my native language so excuse me if I make any mistakes.
I've always struggled with self-esteem problems that have affected every single aspect of my life.
From relationships (manifesting as jealousy, abusive/controlling behavior and overall trust issues due to the fear of my SO eventually finding someone better than me), to my academic/professional life; for example, even though I have a GPA of 97.9/100, sometimes I feel that everyone's better than me, and I end up being left as second in command in important projects, because I struggle to act as a true leader and feel that the other guy will do a better job than I could ever do.
I also find it difficult to be socially active, and I'm the kind of person that will avoid contact if I see someone from school/work at, say, the movie theater or some other public place.
I'm looking to overcome this insecurities, because I'm getting tired of messing up my life just because my mind does not want to cooperate, since I know that I'm not stupid and can actually outperform the average guy, but actually don't show it because halfway through something I get this anxiety that makes me feel like I'm doing a shitty job.
All of this has made me think I'm not worthy and even contemplate suicide several times. That's why I'm trying to get help.
So, I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to make the whole thing more efficient; like writting all the things I perceive are wrong with me or making a list of moments that I feel could've been better if I wasn't so insecure.
Thank you in advance.
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I didn't choose to be born and I'm afraid to die....that's the shit I live in every day.
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Honestly getting worried I'll never find anyone to love 22 and in college. I haven't gone on any dates.. and the pool is suppose to be huge in college for dating but fuck.. I mean I am just so single. The only gf I did have was back in highschool and I'm sure she's well moved on now, (cannot text her fuck that lol), but after I finally ended that toxic relationship I thought to myself ok something will come along in college and 5 years later..........nothing, but lost hope, and a downhill spiral in my mindset. Am I going to be like this forever? One day I'll get some desk job and am I just going to run into a girl I work with and then fall in love? Don't see that shit happening either. My life isn't together in terms of school but like.. why can't I date someone for once like fuck. I'm ready and would love to, I can take care of myself but I am just so damn lonely! This isn't feeling great at all
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My (25) (now ex)Gf(23) with depression asks for space I had like a huge block of text explaining everything, but I feel like people have heard most of it before.
I think the long and short of it is this. What felt like suddenly in an otherwise healthy and supportive relationship, my girlfriend dipped pretty hard into her depressive tendencies and told me she had to end things. Said she needed space and time to reevaluate herself as an individual, time to really be alone and grapple with the repressed feelings and traumas that were making her doubt that she could be in a happy or healthy relationship with anyone.
Normally I'd have assumed it was just a soft let down, that because I was only her second boyfriend she was bad at breaking up with people. But what stood out to me were all the kind of hallmark depressive statements during the breakup. Tons of guilt and shame that it came to this, feeling like she wasn't worthy of the happiness in our relationship, pushing me away and encouraging me not to wait because things were so uncertain and she didn't want me to waste my happiness and time waiting for something I might not want.
I always knew she had depression and past issues, I just did what I could to build a relationship where she knew she was loved and that I was there for her, but never put pressure on anything if we didn't have to. Giving her time and space, being available but not overbearing, but not neglecting the usual ups and downs and joys of any other relationship. Mutual happiness and understanding was always at the forefront, we got into the relationship and built it up based on that. We talked about our future earnestly, made plans to be together long term as well as anyone can make plans for something as uncertain as life. Hell only a week before she broke up with me, we were talking about how to spend our time when she was home for Winter break. Like all really concrete stuff, as if this wasn't brewing, and I guess we sort of knew, but she knew more and didn't let on.
I guess I ended up with a block of text anyway. I'm just fucked up about it is all. It's been a week, and when we broke up I tried to make sure she knew I wasn't going anywhere, not to try and keep her tied to me, but just in case she got real low, I needed her to know she hadn't lost me.
I want to help her. So, I'm giving her exactly what she asked for, letting her be alone and have all the space she needs. We talked about a point in the future where we plan to maybe talk to each other, to check in and see where things are.
I guess I'm just worried. Does anyone in her position have experience with this? Did giving yourself time away from other people and trying to sort stuff out help you find what you needed?
Do you resent the person you left for not having done more to help you? Or what happened with you. Was it the usual story of drifting, was there some triumphant reunion, was there anger and another attempt before repeating the cycle?
I'm afraid I'm letting her down.
| 4
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I'm doing the best I've ever been doing, so why am I more anxious than ever? Hi /r/Anxiety,
About a year and a half ago, I was not in a great place: I was in my mid-20s, living in a large, expensive city that I'd grown to resent, I'd just gotten laid off from my job, I was in a weird transition period in terms of my friend group, I had broken up with a bf about 9 months prior and had 0 romantic prospects, and was overweight.
Fast-forward to now: Still in my mid 20s, still living in the same city but i absolutely love it, working at a company that I feel is doing meaningful work for 1+ years now and "killing it," have a lot of great friends who I see regularly, currently dating 3 guys who I've met IRL and am in the best shape I've been in my life and look fantastic.
By all accounts, even my own, I'm doing great. I've always had some general anxiety/worry but it's always been manageable. However, three months ago I've started having random moments of extreme anxiety and waking up in the middle of the night due to anxiety. I used to smoke a lot of weed but have all but cut it out of my life because it makes me too anxious. I've always been a natural introvert -- like I'd go the entire weekend happily without hanging out with anyone -- but I've been avoiding spending time alone or nights by myself for the past few months because my anxiety flares up when I do to the point that I can't focus on anything else. These episodes, not sure if I can call them panic attacks, aren't triggered by anything in particular and can come at random times, like if I'm at work, hanging out with friends or home alone.
Things I've done to moderate help: cut down on caffeine, meditate, CBD capsules as needed, work out (I've worked out every day for the pat 5+ years), immerse myself in hobbies etc.
I'm wondering if any of you have felt this kind of anxiety when your life was going really well and if you have any advice for dealing with it. I'm at a loss on what to do and it seems like it's overtaking my life, and I don't want it to affect my personality or people around me.
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How long have you taken melatonin, if you're taking it? I just took one tonite and it said not for long term use.
My pdoc said to try it, but I didnt really think about long term use. Probably because I just assumed it would be another thing that didn't work...
I'm only taking 1mg to start, not sure how long before I notice anything, if it will be a day a week a month or whatever.
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Online Therapist A while back, I posted on the Anxiety forum about how great Anxiety coaches are. I gave references to websites that offer some really great resources, and counselors. The I thought to myself, “Why aren’t I doing this?” Over 18.1% of Americans struggle with Anxiety, 350 million people suffer from depression, and 11% are effected by ADHD.
Most of these people can’t afford the expensive cost of treatment, so they go their whole lives not knowing that there is more to life without these conditions. I went 14 years of my life with all three, and it was hell. That’s why I’ve decided to come up with low cost treatment as an online therapist, to help those who don’t have the $200 to drop on one session.
Here are a few benefits of hiring an online Therapist like me:
1.) I am low cost, because I’m not yet fully licensed, but I have a lot of knowledge on the subject.
2.) The cost of my sessions aren’t just one flat rate. There are different options to fit your needs.
3.) I’ll always be there in your pocket, whenever you need me.
4.) I was once inflicted with the issues mentioned above, so I truly know what you’re going through. I could also guide you through your healing process.
5.) Even though I specialize with these conditions, you don’t have to have any of them. I’m here to help everybody. Even if I’m just there to listen to your struggles.
Hours I’m available:
Monday-Friday: 7:30 a.m. to 10:00 p.m.
Saturday & Sunday: 24/7
Cost Guide:
1 hour: $9 (Your session would last a complete hour. EX: If the session started at 6:00 p.m. it would end at 7:00 p.m.)
1 day: $20 (Your session would last the whole day. EX: If your session started at 7:30 a.m. it would end at 10:00 p.m. That’s 14 hours in total.)
1 week: $40 (Your session would last the whole week you pay for. EX: If your session started on a Wednesday, it would end on the next Wednesday.)
1 month: $140 (Your session would last the whole month. EX: If your session started on February 5th, it would end March 5th)
I hope you take a consideration into hiring me, and if you’re not satisfied I guarantee a full refund.
| 2
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If I still feel suicidal a week from now, I am going to go through with it. I’m so sick of feeling like this every night.
Nobody makes me feel better. I hate my girlfriend, she doesn’t understand me and she doesn’t even try to understand my thoughts, emotions, dreams and aspirations.
I feel like a fucking failure constantly. Every night I think about what a failure I am and how I am going absolutely nowhere in life.
I know I’ve disappointed my parents already and although I know my suicide will hurt them I think it will be better this way because I won’t have to suffer. I know it’s selfish but the pain is getting to me
I cry every single night. My days are fairly normal, filled with distractions. But when I am alone with my thoughts at night it gets very bad. Nobody understands me, nobody cares to understand me. The world is shitty as fuck, everyone seems to be ignorant and idiotic.
I know I sound like a complete narcissist. Maybe I am one I don’t know. I’m sick of this pain, I feel so alone every night I have nobody to vent to. I know I have people in my life that “care” but they don’t make me feel better. They make me feel worse because after I open up I realize they don’t truly understand and never will.
I’ve called hotlines, I’ve tried getting therapy but the wait times for mental health services are so long in my country. All that fucking bullshit about “getting help” from people who have never experienced this is absurd. It is almost impossible to get proper help here. It’s just referral after referral after referral. I’m still in my late teens,I don’t have money for an actual private therapist.
Please help me. Please. I hate suffering I hate it so much. I hate that I even have to type this . I’m ashamed which is why I made a throwaway. I’m thinking of seriously going through with it. The crazy thing is I know I have so much to live for. I just don’t want to if it means feeling like this.
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I really want to feel small breasts Every GF I've had was average or a little chunky.
I've always been turned on by small boobs, and man how I wish I could just have a girl with them.
| 3
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