text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Best friend needs me and I’m not there (long post) My best friend recently moved to a new city and doesn’t know anyone. It’s ruining his mental health and I’ve been getting midnight and 1 am texts and calls from him. My boyfriend doesn’t understand that there is nothing going on and he needs someone to be there for him. I understand he doesn’t want me talking to other guys at that hour, but I’m so conflicted on helping a friend or making my boyfriend happy. No matter what I do it’s the wrong decision. When I drink and fall asleep my boyfriend will wake me up saying I got a call or text and I will be in such a confused state I will state a ridiculous lie that doesn’t even make sense. I don’t even realize what I’ve said until he starts yelling at me that I just lied to him. Last night my best friend called me twice and my boyfriend tried to wake me up and I told him some recruiter called me. It’s so outrageous and I don’t even remember saying it. This led to another fight about me lying and our relationship being put on the line. I can’t keep fighting and being the bad guy that’s ruining our relationship. No matter what I am always the one at fault. I don’t think I can survive another fight with him threatening our relationship only to wake up and get told that he still wants this. Last night I got multiple texts and calls from my best friend begging for me to talk to him and he needs someone there. My boyfriend grabbed the iPad and FaceTimed him and told him to stop calling me and hung up. I was a wreck crying my heart out in our bedroom. I wanted to lock myself in the closet and call my friend and be there for him but we were in the middle of battling out whether I’m lying or he wants this and how I was the one who needed to fix it. I woke up this morning and had a text from my friend telling me he had been cutting himself all night thanks to me. Why do I tell people I’ll be there for them when clearly I can’t keep the promise? I’ve let yet another close friend down. I can’t keep letting people get close to me. I ruin every relationship I’ve formed with people because I can’t keep my own life in check. I feel like the scum of the earth who doesn’t deserve a damn thing. I want to make everyone happy at what ever cost and don’t think about the reality of it. I want to rewind time and start everything over again and make it right. At this point I get to keep riding the spiral farther and father down. I could really use a high right now because this low keeps getting worse and worse.
|
self.bipolar
|
Does anyone Else feel so frustrated with the world that you wouldn't mind if it ended? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
One of those days. You know, when you wanna quit. When you make so much mistakes you get furious to yourself. When you wonder whether suicide by train is actually painful. When you noticed a huge hole in your bank account. When you screwed up because too much procrastinating.
One of those days, when you asking to yourself whether its worth it. When you walked with sigh, wondering whether all of these will end. When the time goes so slow you swear you can see the escapement behind the sun.
Are life actually worth it? And why?
|
self.bipolar
|
is it sad that i write posts on here just to feel like at least someone listens or pays attention to what i say so i feel like at least someone cares...
|
self.offmychest
|
My relationship is over and I feel like it’s my fault I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years and we are ending things. I feel so responsible because I was never able to pull myself out of depression and be happy. I feel like I didn’t do enogh to open up to him or get help before things deteriorated.
I know break ups aren’t that simple but I just feel so broken.
|
self.bipolar
|
What should I do? I haven't been in very much contact with my father for a good while, but today I had to text him the usual "Merry Christmas" stuff, as you do.
He responded with "I love you"
I think he knows I don't want to talk to him, and I'm scared. I'm scared because I don't want to put more effort into what I'm afraid is a sinking ship, and I don't want him to think that I don't like him, I just don't know what to do. So I'm here, and I need help. I don't like taking chances, but if anybody could respond, that would be cool. If not, that's okay, have a nice day, and thanks for putting the effort to get to the end, even if you didn't think it was worth it.
|
self.depression
|
My mom finally asked if I needed help... and I couldn't even respond. Why can't I bring myself to accept help. What the fuck.
|
self.depression
|
Anyone else do this? I was just wondering if other people try help others achieve their goals or solve their problems in attempt to hide from ones own problems or lack of goals and motivation?
|
self.depression
|
I have concerns over this whole Democrat Republican thing So.. i'm neither Democrat or Republican.
i'm watching... and sort of freaking out a little.
I'm concerned that the two sides are gonna start killing each other in next decade or so. It just keeps getting worse.
I mean..most of my life.. there has been a sort of balance... sort of..
every time it seems 8 year swaps... 8 yrs of republilcans and then 8 years of democrats. a sort of balance... until the obama trump administrations.
just ram it down their throats right? the enemy? the opposition?
this time? next time? i fear, not a bad fear... nothing like being a vet. i fear for you.
i mean... if Trump and this messed up tax and net neutrality thing were pay back for Obama care, what happens next?
the republicans "paying back" the democrats for "sticking it to" the republicans. blah blah.
they've went a little too far.. they think that their majority gives them the right to make some serious cash. just like the democrats.
rich folks.
then this time.. it looks like... republicans are not going to get 8 yrs this time. congress messed up BAD with the pork belly hand written things that had nothing to do with taxes.
"deep shit" ring a bell?
when the pendulum swings back.. and the democrats have the majority.. WTF!!! are they gonna do to pay the republicans back for trump and congress this next time?
sigh.
the red badge of courage had the poor boy drafted into both sides.
this is not something i want. not at all.
brother against brother?
did i go to fricking AFghanistan to come back to find a war brewing in my own DAMN country? WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!
somebody give me a moderate to vote for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
someone who can "walk softly", "carry a big stick", and keep these two sides from tearing us apart.
'nough said.
|
self.offmychest
|
Why do psychiatrics lie about some drugs withdrawal? I stopped 2 antipsychotic drugs 5 weeks ago and since then i've been feeling brain fog and derealization non-stop, since i wake up until the time i go to sleep and he keep telling me is not from the drugs because they would've been out of my system by now, but i've never had this feelings before the medication, never in my 28 years of life, he also know i stopped cold turkey and told me they still would've been gone by now, but i have this strange dreamy feelings all the time with headache eye pain and earache, i feel like this is withdrawal but he insist is not, why lie about it?
|
self.bipolar
|
Your remedies for depression other than meds I’ve tried the whole St. John’s wort and it wasn’t working well for me. Does anyone have any natural remedies for depression?
|
self.depression
|
I am totally hopeless, my brain frozed :( Well i have been taking SSRI for 6 months and i am still taking them (Sertralin) ,i got really deep depression, it helped me a lot, but 2 months ago, i started smoking weed 2-4 times per week. I started taking kratom too about maybe 1-4 times per week, it depends how i felt, 2 weeks ago my physical symptoms of depression came back (Reflux, Digestion-congestion problems...)
Now i feel like 2 years ago totally worthless, hopeless, starting noticing huge memory problems, i can't even fucking communicate with people, becuase i can't focus at anything,its hard for me too do simple tasks which small kids would be able to do easily.I think that i fucked up really bad with my serotonin levels, i am writing this at the train, i cant even put right words how to describe this shit. This morning i drunk 1 beer with 1 shoot of homemade 60% Borovička or whatever it is. I have to get back on my track, should i keep taking SSRI and totally stop smoking and drinking? Please i need some advice, or your story if anything similar happened to you ? I don't know if i could pass test in school and i have to :(
PS: I am 17 at high school, if you want to know my full story, read my previous post :)
|
self.depression
|
Kitty Why do people run over animals? I mean, I can see if it's something fast and small like a squirrel or rabbit. But how did you not see a dog, deer, raccoon, or in my case, a cat? Someone ran over my little friend today. Saw him on the side of the road near my house. He had been missing for about a day. *Sigh*. A friend gave him to me a few years ago. Rest in peace, Kid.
|
self.depression
|
Can't keep friends I can't seem to keep friends. I go through them year by year. I always end up screwing up by saying something wrong and they get mad and I get mad and they react by leaving. I'm tired.
|
self.depression
|
I'm starting to like this guy who probably only wants to fuck me. So there is this guy who's been flirting with me for a bit. He's got an attractive body and is kind of charasmatic, yet he's seems to be an asshole/ douchebag. I'm not too sure but I'm getting those vibes from him. Also a friend of mine who knows of this guy has told me last year he had fuck boy tendencies. In the beginning, I really didn't like him. But now, I kind of enjoy the attention, It feels good for once to know that someone likes me, whether he only likes me for my body (I'm not sure) but its still nice. I guess I want to be wanted, and he's currently filling that void for me. But I don't want to used by him. I also don't think we are that compatible but a part of me wants him to fuck me, since well he's kind of hot. But IDK uhhhhh. It's like a part of me wants him to fuck me but a part of me know's I might get attached/ feel used.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm afraid of existing The past couple of days my anxiety has gotten worse. I've been having these weird feelings where I'm feeling anxious thinking about my existence and things around me and thinking about the past and future and home I will one day be dead no matter how much i don't want to. Add to the mix also feeling like reality isn't what I think.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I can't think of a reason to go on. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I need answers Hi, a bit of presentation here, it's always better to know with whom you're talking :
I'm Camille, and I definitely choose the hard way in life, I'm
autistic, bit of trauma here and there, and depressed since, well, almost as far as I can remember now. And I come here cause I'm really lost about a lot of things ( you guessed, it's bipolar things, otherwise I wouldn't ask here )
So, recently I get this new AD cause the last one didn't do anything at all. And it work ! I mean, I still have up and down, but it's better, well, 2 months go down with no incident.
Then I start to have these moments, need to move a lot, thoughts go really fast etc, I guess it was hypomanic episode, but they never last more than a few hours
I don't stop taking my AD, and the episodes seems to gets stronger everytime, it's really annoying for my girlfriend, but i would lie if I tell I didn't like to feel like that sometimes
Comes the time where I have to stop to take my medication, after the last real episode where I basically vanish and there is this other me who comes out and take all the place and start to do bad things, not much fun when I realise that
So I stop, and now I don't have anymore hypomanic episode, I don't have any medication, the psychiatrist I've seen refused to give them to me, even if she think I should, i guess, she's weird
Now I am really instable, I float between hard depression, and some kind of mixed state, where I don't feel good, just anxious or agressive, and where I can't move much even if I wanted to
And I'm left with basically no answer, the high phase doesn't last even a week, so I guess I'm not in BP I or II, and I don't know where I stand and what I can do about it, and it stress me out
I know that if you try to help me understand it will not be professional diagnostic or whatever, but calling a new psychiatrist etc is nearly impossible for now, so, does my conditon ring a bell for any of you, any idea ?
Thanks
(PS : I don't know if I should add a flair or something to all this, or if it's even the right place to ask, if not, maybe tell me where I could ?)
|
self.bipolar
|
Day Three It did not go well at all. I don't have anyone in my life. I know I said that I would keep doing this because it helped me cope, but I don't think I can. I don't have the energy for this. I just want to go to sleep forever. The worst feeling imaginable for me is lonlieness, and that's all I ever feel. I don't have the guts to kill myself, but I wish someone would just walk by me and put a bullet in my head. Something quick, painless, something that will end me indefinently. That won't happen though, so I will just keep living in constant agony and despair. I feel like a leech sucking happines from others but there is nothing I can do to help it. This will most likely be my last post. Goodbye.
|
self.depression
|
I'm so lonely it's starting to actually depress me. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone elses mental state vary drastically from time to time? When doing a test a few days ago on a problem that I don't understand I went through what I can only describe as a mental tangent thinking about how I am miserable i was and how I should purposely get arrested to get mental health treatment or therapy and get away from my parents. Now I feel "normal" ever since the day after that happened.
Anyone else have a similar experience?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Post-Penectomy Depression :( I had the big penectomy last weekend. And now i feel so sad. I feeling feeling very bad, so please help. Sorry for bad english, I'm from Kazakhstan.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone have any advice for speaking to their doctor about depression? I’m finally going to see my doctor tomorrow after struggling for months, but I have no idea what to say.
I feel like they’re going to think I’m faking or being dramatic (especially as I do this thing where I involuntarily act super upbeat and friendly around people, I think it’s out of politeness haha).
I also don’t see any way they can help me, if we’re being honest. I’m only going because I can’t cope at work anymore and I keep making mistakes. What if I’m depressed because I just don’t like my life?
Any advice would be appreciated, thank you. :)
|
self.depression
|
Anxious over the idea of having a personality disorder I've started going to therapy and I'm driven crazy over the idea I might have BPD. Because to me that's like saying I'm just fundamentally inferior and broken as a person to the point even something is flawed and wrong with my personality. Like, having a mental illness is like separate formyou and a distortion of who you are. Having a personality disorder means you're inherently flawed. I'm sorry if people think this sounds ableist. I only mean it about me.
I have some symptoms of BPD. I am very suicidal. I self-harm a lot. I binge eat. I have mood swings and overblown emotional reactions to things. I think my saving grace is that I generally have stable relationships with people, with some past exceptions, tend not to over idolize and then hate people. I also don't have sex, drink or do drugs.
Edit: I also can't spell.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Graduate Student having Horrible anxiety for the first time. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anxiety is sending an email and then not checking your email for 3 days because you're scared of seeing the reply.
|
self.Anxiety
|
My shrink has been telling me to do activities to keep my mind of depression/anxiety But I have been resistant because I have no interest in doing anything. Anyways today I baked some muffins from scratch, and I actually found myself enjoying it, and being happy with the results, and even myself, even if it only lasts a couple hours, it was worth it. Not going to help me get a job/career, but, still it felt better than the alternative.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Killing myself in the motel tonight. Placed a reservation for a motel. I know it's a little selfish because of the mess I'll leave but I really can't take the pain anymore. I've done the 3 day rule, where if you even enjoy life a little bit you reset the timer. I've gone since October without any peace, not even when on vacation.
I was so worried about botching it, but saw a post about a method(won't share bc it may break rules). I know no one will be checking on me, and at the motel alone no one can stop me.
I'm going to spend my last day pigging out on potato chips, and re writing and gathering my suicide notes. And probably rewatching the last season of game of thrones. I have 14 hours until I'm doing this.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Feel unloved I feel like I have no true friends and people only message me if i message them first or desperately need advice. My anxiety means I don't initiate conversations so I spend most of my days on my own lonely and depresssed
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I couldn't do it I tried hanging myself. I backed just before I lost enough strength to move myself. The feeling of not being able to breathe is terrifying. I don't know what to do now, I thought I could end everything today but now I don't know what to do. I don't have any more methods and I don't want to live anymore. I can't continue like this I don't know what to do anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What symptoms do y’all have besides mania and depression? My psychiatrist says everything that happens to me can be part of bipolar disorder (or anxiety I guess) but most of my psychological problems I don’t know what exactly they are or if there is more wrong with me.
|
self.bipolar
|
And my only friend forgot we made plans to do Christmas shopping Not the first time this year we have made plans only for her to forget
Guess I'm not important
Maybe we're not friends
Fuck it gonna go drink and cut and do my shopping on amazon
|
self.depression
|
It's time to go... I'm not welcome here anymore [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
My sister is suicidal, and now my dad flipped shit on her for having a bisexual boyfriend... So to give some background, my parents are divorced and I see my father biweekly on average. My parents fought alot while I was growing up before splitting up, and my father has mentally, and emotionally and physically abused me and my mother on several past occasions. My sister is 14, three years younger than me (I'm 17) and has struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts, as she has runaway from home twice and attempted suicide 2-3 times. This is due mostly to problems with our mom as we don't have the best relationship with her and she seems to have suffered over the fighting between our parents.
Yesterday, the day before our dad would come see her for the weekend (I was going to see Disney on Ice with my mom and family friends, it was great BTW :) ) my dad called her and somehow found out she had a new little boyfriend (the not so serious kind freshmen tend to have, she's had one before) but as opposed to the last one this one was apparently bisexual. My dad got mad and told her she doesn't want her "running around with no gay boys" and from what I overheard on the phone and what she told me, he even went as far to say he would go to his parents and tell them to "keep their faggot away from his daughter". My sister then yelled back saying she wasn't doing anything wrong and my dad got upset saying he would come "beat her ass" for talking back. My mom found out about the argument from her and she didn't have too much to say other than wanting to talk to her. My sister made a point of saying how they didn't make much of a deal over her past boyfriend who was straight. My mother herself in the past has called gay people "confused" and has even told me and my sister seversl times to have 4 children each so that the bloodline can continue and my dad even believes gays shouldn't have kids so they aren't exposed to that lifestyle.
Now pardon my French but this pisses me the fuck off. Firstly my dad is the last person to talk of anyone hurting my sister since he put his hands on the mother of his children (and one of those children AKA me). Second of all, my family is African American and my dad himself grew up in Oakland during the Civil Rights era with the Black Panthers and everything. He even recounts being beat up by racist police on one occasion and telling me about racism. Now with that in mind, him even considering threatening that boy and his parents brings up an interesting thought: what if I wanted to date or go tonthe upcoming prom with a white girl, and then her racist parents said they don't want their daughter with some retarded nigger (I'm black and have autism) in fact the way homosexuals are treated is on par with how blacks have been and to some extent still are treated. Both are thought to hurt those who get close to them, people discourage relationships with them especially marriage because "think of the children" and that they are a threat to our daughters and wives and so on. You get the picture. My dad is a blatant hypocrite.
This whole situation makes me glad I'm eventually moving out of state, because God forbid I have gay children which they are the grandparents of. Luckily I'm straight and as far as we know my sister is too. We aren't in any danger since he doesn't live with us and he luckily seemed to just say those things out of anger, but holy shit the ignorance is strong with my old man...
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't even feel alive I haven't felt like myself in a year and a half. Right around the time I started meds it started but I don't know of thats the cause. During the day at work I'm a useless ball of mush to the point where my job is in jeopardy. I take adhd meds but I zone out anyways. At night I get all worked up about doing poorly at work and can't relax. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. I just want to feel human again. How can I break out of this? Is it even possible to feel real again?
|
self.bipolar
|
Does anyone know how to cope with Depersonalization that happens from time to time? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Lately I've been craving the mania A LOT and I'm fighting the urge to go off meds. This is more of a vent than a question.
As the title says, I've been craving the mania a lot lately and the urge to go off my meds is irresistible. I had a manic episode a few months ago and it was the worst one I've ever experienced and the first one to get me hospitalized. As horrible as it was, I really miss the feelings I had during it. The pleasant buzz/chills, the overwhelming positivity, the extroversion, the drive to do things, etc.
Ever since then I've felt rather empty. I feel like I'll never experience something that intense again while on meds. It makes me kind of sad.
How can I cope with this feeling? It's really getting on my nerves.
|
self.bipolar
|
A client yesterday made fun of my stutter When I am manic, sometimes I have a slight stutter. I think of it as my body taking a second to catch up to my brain or something. I just repeat words very rapidly. My family has pointed it out to me and just told me to slow down.
Yesterday, while I was taking to a client at work I stuttered several times in a row. He mimicked me by going "ahh ahh ahh" and looked annoyed and told me to say what I wanted to say.
Never have I ever had anything like that happen to me. I got very flustered. Stuttered more. Went to the back and cried. My coworkers were very nice to me, told me there was no excuse, told me he was an asshole. Almost 24 hours have past and I still can't stop thinking about it. I hear myself stutter and it takes me completely out of the moment. I forget what I am doing. I feel like I'm starting to swing now. I went from not sleeping more than 6 hours to sleeping 10 hours last night and from feeling like I'm vibrating to feeling physically exhausted.
Still, I feel like my mind is racing. Does this annoy people? How long have I annoyed people? Do people respect me less? Do I sound stupid? Why do I let people affect me so much? Why can't I stop thinking about this?!?
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm Just So Tired of the Unfairness... I apologize if this post is a bit long, but I really need to get this off my chest.
I was sitting in a Starbucks today working on writing my book.
A man came and sat down at the table beside be, and before long this gorgeous girl comes and walks in and across from him. They begin to talk and she discusses how she went on vacation over the holidays to the Dominican, and is going to New York this weekend. I eventually overhear them talking and it appears he was a modeling agent and she was applying to be a model.
They discussed ridiculous payrates, how models only work 2-3 days a week, and how all expenses are paid for travel and whatnot. He says that he's got her a shoot set up in the Maldives, and how this Sports Illustrated photographer is interested in working with her, etc. By the way she talks I can just tell she's quite uneducated and I eventually overhear that she dropped out of first year university to pursue modelling. She's extremely excitable and happy and seems to just be living the good life in every sense of the term. Has all these guys after her all the time (and companies), travels all across the world, gets ridiculously high pay, seldom 'works', and has done little to no work to get here; just was lucky to be born beautiful. I'll never have the life where people want to pay me for how I look. Where women always want to be with me and pursue me at clubs. I'll never be assumed to be a great and pleasant person because I look great.
I am a guy who is currently unemployed (and it seems unemployable) after having worked my ass off to get 3 degrees, the last of which was a Master's in Political Science while competing in a varsity sport. Despite putting effort daily to maintain my good physical shape, I am balding badly in my early twenties and have a minor case of pectus excavatum that kills any hope of me having a nice looking body, despite the fact that I am muscular and have an athlete's body otherwise from hard work. I suffered from severe panic disorder for 2 years and worked myself out of it (something which very few people are able to do). I know I have worked at least 10x as hard as her in every area of life, yet we are in entirely opposite circumstances. If the world was fair, we would switch positions entirely.
How can one live happily in a world that is this chaotically unjust? It seems there is no way to mitigate the feelings I have about this, and anything I do is just lying to myself (and trust me, I know, because I continue to work hard and try to act happy every day).
|
self.depression
|
Posted suicide threat in /r/confessions Flagging this very concerning post
https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/7n9r4m/i_cant_take_it_anymore/
for your collective attention. I have no idea on the best way to intervene appropriately. If one of you guys could pick this up i'd appreciate it
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Reaching a dead end Hi everyone,
I have been feeling sad for quite some time now. One of the most recurrent thoughts is that I have fallen behind in life. I'm 34 and I have no girlfriend or many friends for that matter. I went through a difficult breakup two and half years ago. I came back to my hometown and I am currently living in my parents' home. I know it's hard to understand but I didn't want to live alone while I got used to my new job and town. Four months after that, I feel lonely and sad at times. The last few days have been incredibly harsh for me. I feel completely drained and I don't have the energy to exercise, even though I do exercise regularly. One of the triggers I think was seeing my ex with her boyfriend living the high life on Instagram (her current boyfriend was his boyfriend, she left him to be with me ten years ago) . Another recurrent thought is running into them and feeling nervous about what they may think. Life's becoming increasingly dull and I obsess over the fact that I'll never have a family or a girlfriend for that matter. Any tips? I'm starting therapy next week. Thanks.
|
self.depression
|
My parents constantly tell me i am a disappointment [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
When ya got bipolar and adhd I'm not sleeping, I'm really excitable, I'm possibly talking faster, I'm getting tunnel vision about my projects...Am I hypomanic or hyperfocusing??? Who knowwwws!!
|
self.bipolar
|
... with borderline features BP2 but today my pdoc added on saying he thinks I have features of borderline personality disorder. He didn't elaborate much. He said I don't have borderline but I have some features.
This has me really upset and doubting myself. I feel like my whole identity has changed.
I started DBT about a month ago but quit because of the therapist. She did say I'm not borderline though. >I'm in the slow unmotivated search for a new therapist. I'm with my psychiatrist and working on finding the right meds. It's been a rough year of trial and error.
I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.
|
self.bipolar
|
Has anyone ever had sleep issues with Lithium? Or trippy symptoms? Hi all,
I was recently diagnosed as BP II--I have been on 900mg of Lithium for just about a month now and it's been very helpful with normalizing my life and bringing a sense of calm and consistency.
Unfortunately, it's messing with my sleep in a few different ways. Every night I toss and turn and can't get to sleep for hours, when normally I'm asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. And then even when I do manage to get some rest at a decent hour I sleep for 12 or 13 hours if I have no where to be. I've been lucky enough to not really experience issues with sleep until now, but it's really affecting my day to day life.
Also, recently, when I am trying to go to sleep I have been having weird visuals when I close my eyes-- it's almost as if my mind is creating these random faces and figures. It leaves me with a demonic feeling, makes my heart race, creates fear of closing my eyes, and then puts off sleep even more. I experienced a bad acid trip in the past, and these pre-sleep issues have been rekindling the vibes. I don't like it.
If anything, do you guys think I might be taking my second dose too late? (8pm usually) or Maybe the dose is too high?
Regardless, I am going to call my dr. tomorrow, but I also wanted to get some insight from you all as well. I really wish I wasn't experiencing these sleep issues, Lithium really has been working otherwise. :(
|
self.bipolar
|
Everything is going to shit I suffer from bipolar and am having a real down time at the moment. To expressed to my boyfriend how I really felt (suicidal) and he dumped me because it was too much for him. Every time I have something good going my bipolar ruins it. My friends aren’t answering today and I really need someone to talk to because I’m struggling so badly.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Beeing honest with myself Im a male. 23 years old. not very likely turning 24 this october. I'm living in a wealthy country, I have a job that earns me decent money, a family that loves me, i work out three times a week, I look above average, i play the piano and the guitar. But all of this is just playing cards in my life.
Been struggling with depression since I was 16. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder two years ago. I meet up with a psychologist.
My girlfriend has been a great support over the last few years, despite a few attempts on my life. Shes always there for me, and I love her to death.
Im pretty sure shes about to leave me. everything mentioned above of how 'well' my life should be- its not. In which case she does, i cant cope. already bought a rope, and thought me the knot required.
Im not afraid of death, and I would like to quote something from the movie "The green mile" that I find beautiful and inspirational;
"Bitterbuck: Do you believe that if a man repents enough for what he done wrong, than he'll get to go back to the time that was happiest for him and live there forever? Could that be what heaven's like?
Edgecomb: I just about believe that very thing.
Bitterbuck:
I had a young wife when I was eighteen. We spent the summer in the mountains, made love every night. After we would talk sometimes till the sun came up, and she'd lay there, bare breasted in the fire light... that was my best time."
I have my moment I'd go to. The night my girlfriend spendt the first night with me. Accepting me like no other for the first time in my life.
This is just my thoughts and they might be a mess, but I needed to share, even if its just with total strangers.
I wish you all the best of life.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I've been writing my suicide letter for 6 years. I've read a lot, been to treatment. Things have not & will not get better, I continue to hurt the people I love... There's very little that I have hope in. I've lost my career, my relationship with my family, and respect from just about everyone. For a long time, every girl I ever loved has left me. Eventually I met someone better than the rest, unwilling to leave. Though I was alone while writing most of this letter, in recent years I've been with this person. She's the best person I could ever expect her to be in any way. I love her deeply.
She deserves better than what I will be able to provide (physically, mentally, socially) and I will not allow myself to burden her for the rest of her life. She should not have to carry me, even if she is strong enough. She should find someone who is truly whole that she can spend her life with. I will not tear her away to share my nightmare. There is no future in which I'm happy. I'm painful to be around. I can't stand it. I feel that by agreeing to take care of me she is inherently neglecting herself to the point her own emotional trauma and eventual mental health problems. In retrospect, the other partners I've had were reasonable to leave. They've lived better lives because of it, and I am glad that I have not continued to be a negative influence in their life. I do not want to condemn anyone else to my own personal hell.
Writing this out at night has been the only way I've been able to get to sleep for a long time.
It's been years. Therapy and medication has not helped. Many women that I have loved have moved on. Continuing to hurt the one who has not seems worse than being alone. I am constantly exploring new rock bottoms.
Anyway, I think I'm done editing. I'm sorry.
**My note:__________________________________________________**
This message contains emotionally disturbing information and may be deleted or left unread however the receiver prefers.
Places and days in which this was written: (<<<remove this eventually>>>)
October 9, 2012 12:41am, Nov 23, 2013. 3:11am, Jan 8, 2014 4:59 am, November 24, 2017 1:27 am
This email has been 'delay sent' 14 days after my death, so there's no need to urgently call 911. To be clear this is unfortunately a suicide note.
I'm sorry to inform you all that I've decided to kill myself.
For those of you aware that I've been struggling I'm sorry. I know this is not the solution that you would have wanted, but please take comfort in the fact that I am not suffering anymore, if you can, and I know that will be extremely difficult.
Many of our relationships were strained. Please accept this as the result of my disease and not a lessening of my love for you. I know you would have done anything to stop this, and we've tried a lot together to stop this. I'm the one who gave up. I know these words don't really help. I'm completely convinced that you're better off without me as a negative drain in your life. I know that doesn't help either, and I know it's supposedly common for people in my position to incorrectly think that. I'm sorry. It's my wish that you process, grieve, and move on with your life in whatever way you desire. That is, if I'm entitled to wishes, which I doubt.
For those of you unaware that I've been feeling this poorly, I'm sorry. I've enjoyed your friendship, and if I didn't tell you about this it wasn't because I didn't think we were close. Everyone needs to feel normal. I do not like to think how much worse things would have been without you. I know that you would have liked to help. I know that this is not alright. I've been urgently concerned about this problem for a long time and have done as much as I could for as long as I could to fix it.
To everyone: Please do not interpret this event as your fault. I am specifically telling you all that this is not your fault. Again, as clearly as possible: this is not your fault. You would not blame yourself if I died of cancer. Do not blame yourself for this, please. This was my own random disease, many professionals have been helping me but unfortunately unsuccessfully. It is not their fault either. There are limits to what can be fixed.
At some point mental illness stops modifying one's personality and instead becomes it. More than that it becomes your destiny (to suffer). When I was younger this didn't seem to be an issue. Somewhere in my mid 20's this problem appeared and has not gone away despite my best efforts with clinicians, self help books, medication, family support, travel, job changes, career changes, geographic relocation, etc. I haven't always tried to make it better, but I've tried as hard as I could for as long as I could. I am the one giving up. At some point even people close to you stop associating your depression with a condition / disorder and start attributing it to your personality. They begin to treat you differently...to bully you...ignore you...etc. It's normal, they're being normal and it's not they're fault. You're trapped in your own body as you slowly become a social pariah. The more people you tell the further along they begin the progression towards considering you permanently deficient / broken as a person. Personally I've found the less I share with non-professionals the better.
That being said, I am the one giving up, it's not anyone else's fault -- they are behaving as normal people -- the way I would have behaved before having these problems. It's often weird to think of how I used to be confused by suicidal people. I would wonder how anyone could ever think that. Over time I've gotten very used to feeling differently.
To be as clear as possible: I'm the one who is giving up. This is my fault. I'm smart enough to do this without anyone stopping me or knowing about it in advance. You all know this. It is not your fault. There were intentionally no hints.
You've all been very supportive before and after I started experiencing the symptoms that would eventually cost me my life. There's nothing equal to the love and compassion you've shown me, and I deeply regret the effect this will have on you.
So I'm sorry. I've unfortunately agonized very long about this. To be absolutely clear, there's no good way to do this and it's a terrible decision. It doesn't solve anything and it's not right for anyone, including me, I know. This is my fault. I though about trying to make it look natural, but it seemed worse to try to fool you.
So the truthful way was the way to do it. By "truthful" I mean letting you know what I did. I killed myself.
Again, I am sorry. I love you all, and many others that I did not send this note to directly because I felt like it would have a net negative impact. But everyone was as supportive as I could reasonably expect them to be.
I know the best way to help is not to do this and to get better. I have tried that for as long as I could.
There's just pain. Life is often like a very bad dream.
That's all I feel the need to say. But: I've read that people often struggle with the question of "why?." It may make more sense to you if I explain that I have not been happy or productive for long time. Everything I loved has lost its meaning - poisoned by the negativity in my head. Everything hurts. Every memory, every connection I make. And I make a lot of connections. My head physically hurts. I'm ready to stop hurting.
If this seems ridiculous consider that you very likely have an image of me that is dated and does not reflect the person that I have unfortunately become. Those of you closer to me may have noticed more readily. I've often tried to put on a strong face and act better than I felt for the sake if getting better.
There's really no way to explain any of this to anyone.
Any same person would pick up this letter and find it instantly wrong. You may be thinking that this was a waste. That I just needed to wait for things to improve. You may have been right. I have held out as long as I could. Surely if it's possible for things to get better, it's also possible for them to get worse. As time has passed, the radius of people hurt expands. There are an increasing number of people for whom I'm unable to provide. As time goes on I hurt more people more deeply. I wouldn't want to meet the person I will become in 10 or 20 years. I won't live through the nightmares between then and now. Already I will be hurting more people now than if I had done this earlier.
One may argue that death is the worst possible condition, but that is not true. You don't know the anger that I've felt - the useless, bitter, completely controlling hatred. Hurting the people you love is certainly worse than death. But, you might say "by killing yourself you are hurting them more than you possibly could any other way." Well...eventually you see yourself hurting the people you love and you stop feeling anything except your own pain. When the flames are bad enough you jump, regardless of how bad the fall is. I'm sorry. It seems like the longer I hold out the more people I hurt...
I tried. Not for myself. I absolutely would not have endured this amount of pain for myself. Not for a week.
Again, I am sorry. It's my wish that you process, grieve, and move on with your life in whatever way you desire. And, again, there's nothing equal to the love and compassion you've shown me, and I deeply regret the effect this will have on you.
I'm sorry.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Radical/Extreme Fears and Illusions -Bipolar
-On and Off Medication
-High Anxiety
I've been posting plenty lately. I'm new to this and it feels really good.
As someone prone to anxiety attacks on a daily basis, there's always a new radical fear I obsess about. In the past, it was an old friend stealing a pendant my great aunt gave me, or my brother being murdered. I calm myself down by talking to that person (i've NEVER told them these fears. I just call and have a small conversation to clear my head). I used to drink red wine, but I'm going cold turkey on alcohol and could use some other examples on how to cope.
My question to you is how do you cope with your radical anxieties and fears?
Thanks 🙏
|
self.bipolar
|
Need some medication advice So I have struggled with anxiety and depression practically all my life. My main problem is anxiety. So about a year and half ago I got on 100mg zoloft and I have xanax as needed. After taking zoloft for about a year I decided to get off as i was feeling better and didnt want the sexual side efffects as I had gotten into a relationship. I got off and then about one month later I had a severe anxiety and depressive episode. Constant panic attacks and i could do almost nothing, had no appetite and couldnt get myself to eat. This lasted about 3 weeks. I am 6 foot and after these three weeks I lost over 10 pounds and was at around 115 pounds. Being so thin even causes me more anxiety. So I talked to my doctor and asked him about getting on mirtazapine. The reason for this drug was because I heard it is fast acting which i needed, gave you an appetite, which i needed, and heard that it has no sexual side effect which is another huge plus. I started on 15mg for a month and then was upped to 30 mg. Ive been on 30 mg for 2.5 weeks now and i still have significant anxiety and have been very emotional lately as well. Crying for no reason a couple times. Addtionally I was very dissapointed as this medication claimed to have no sexual side effects but it gave me the same sexual side effects I had on zoloft. I have delayed ejaculation and will sometimes just loose my erection. I hate this and it makes me feel like shit. The only plus is that i have gained some weight and am at 125 pounds now. I am going to the doctors and gonna see his opinion on this. I have also heard the withdrawls from mirtazapine is really really bad. So im thinking I should get off this medication while I still can. I am going to ask my doctor to get me back on zoloft or wellbutrin. Can anyone speak on wellbutrins effectivness for anxiety?? Should I do this or should i give mirtazapine some more time? Any other medication for anxiety would greatly be appreciated.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Feel like I'm worthless Just feel like a piece of me is missing. I feel like no one wants anything to do with me and for valid reasons. People use me because I allow myself to be used. I'm self absorbed and egotistical but I hide it well when first meeting people. I use sex to validate myself even though most guys probably don't care about me at all and just come around because of my holes. I hate myself. I really do. That's why I hurt myself sometimes. I feel I deserve physical punishment for being a shitty person. I'm just an all around shit human being. I sometimes hope that one day, I'll be brave/cowardly enough to kill myself. I can never see myself growing up and getting
old. I really dread that actually. I'm so tired of everything. I'm tired of not living up to people's expectations. I'm tired of hurting people. I'm tired of being hurt by men. I'm tired of making people uncomfortable. I'm tired of feeling like a stain. I'm tired of feeling so fucking weak. I don't know who or what I am anymore. I don't see how I, as a sentient being, can matter at all. Does anything matter?
|
self.depression
|
Work vent I've been on vacation for 1.5 weeks and there were projects I requested to be put on hold until I returned. I had a meeting scheduled this morning, the first day of my return to pick it back up but my colleague who wasn't involved in the project AT ALL scheduled a meeting for last Thursday which completely confused the issue because of the people he invited. I am so annoyed.
I can't tell if I'm annoyed due to the lack of sleep getting back on US time, if my lack of sleep is causing the bad hypomania, or if this is a legit issue to be so freaking annoyed with. I had to walk away from my email after sending two emails that made it clear that I had requested the project be put on hold until my return and now I have to be brought up to speed on what has been done.
It's like every email is now tainted with annoyance I can't even stand it.
|
self.bipolar
|
Navigating a new relationship with anxiety? Recently got into a relationship with someone and it's going reasonably well considering we work together in a very gossipy office.
But while this has been good, my anxiety has decided to rear its ugly head again, back to levels that I haven't had since the last proper relationship I was in years ago.
I know part of it is the whole butterfly thing, but I'm suddenly second guessing myself way more than I should, considering I've known him for nearly 18 months. But even messaging him (and how often do I message? Do I wait for him? All this bullshit that sounds ridiculous unless you're 12) makes me throw my phone across the room and hide. When I see him it's fine though, pretty much (unless we're at work, in which case I try not to look directly at him in case he realises he's made a mistake).
I'm worried as my anxiety is basically what drove my ex away and that was probably the biggest mistake of my life.
Any tips on how to manage anxiety in relationships? Already on 150mg Sertraline.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Not doing well... feeling like I'm alone on eggshells afraid to talk to anyone... [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Can we talk about fears? Phobias are one of the main causes of my anxiety and that doesn't help my autism. I just want to talk about fears and how you deal with them and how they make you feel. I have genophobia and erotophobia and its hard for me; I don't think I'm normal because of this. I've had this for a long time and it makes very uncomfortable since I am a squeamish person. I developed it when I was younger and it stayed with me. I've been avoiding sexuality as much as I can, including learning about that stuff. I decided not learn about sex or periods, don't judge me. I have body shame issues, too, and I don't wanna how gross my body is, especially my period. My period is bad for my anxiety because it makes feel less of person. I feel like I can't do anything and I'm afraid of the blood, too. I've had my period since I was 11 and I'm still not used to it. I worry about making a mess and running out of pads. I don't think I can overcome my genophobia. It makes life difficult since I worry about getting assaulted or harassed. Basically, I'm living in fear most of the time. Sometimes I feel alone because of my phobias because the world is all about sexuality and I don't want to be a part of that. Socializing with people is also difficult; I've been in situations where I felt like an outsider because of my lack of knowledge on the subject. I'm such an idiot. :( Another fear I have is a fear of nudity. Its so bad I can't even look at myself naked. There are a lot of places on my body I don't like, especially those that are covered up by underwear. I'll admit that I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. When I'm getting dressed or taking a shower, I just don't look. Since I'm autistic, I don't to be touched which causes me to worry even more that someone might do something to me. I've been to a counselor but I haven't told them about it. I can open up to people about myself because how I've been treated when I do. Nobody understands what I am going through. Nobody can be accepting. Nobody can realize that I'm different. Just I don't like anything sexual related doesn't mean I'm a bad person. I don't what to do about myself to be honest. I've been having bad thoughts and I think about cutting myself sometimes. If anybody comments to this, please don't ask for my age. I apologize if this is a trigger. I just need to know that every thing will be all right.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Who am I supposed to talk to on short notice if I'm stressed beyond composure I'm a junior college student struggling with grades. Haven't gotten out of bed in a few days. I have an easy job I'm at right now trying to figure out the hw assignment and haven't been able to. If anybody knows anything about methods and reading files into arrays in java I would love your help.
I have 2 exams on wednesday that I'm freaking out about. My grades are on the brink of failing. My mom called me today and sensed that something was wrong with school due to our conversations earlier in the week. I lied to her and said everything is fine.
I have no close friends at school. I feel self consicous in regular social interactions. I feel like some sort of freak or outcast. I can't express myself to people in person, trapped in my own head. I keep trying to make connections but it seems to get harder and harder as I get older. Old friends kind of just phased out of my life.
I'm paranoid that I'm an asshole because of that. And with school, I'm paranoid that I'm stupid. I sure feel stupid. I'm trying my hardest to do a little bit of work every day but I keep missing due dates and am having trouble understanding concepts.
Idk who I can talk to about what's going on in my head. When I was younger I used to feel sad but now I'm just angry. I want it to go away. I thought trying harder on my assignments would help that, but I only get more frustrated. I feel like I'm failing at life and I can't talk to anyone about it.
I'm not suicidal but I've been in a bad place for over a year now and it's starting to wear on me. I feel like I might have a psychotic break or something. Honestly I just want someone to fucking hold me while I cry. I haven't been able to openly cry for years, since I was a kid.
|
self.depression
|
I want to die. I’ve felt this way before but I feel like it’s just time. Idk who to turn to. I literally just want to end it
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like disappearing and to be forgotten from life. How do I get rid of this feeling or move on? Do you feel like this at times?
|
self.offmychest
|
My mother has abused me for the past 10 years verbally and physically for the past 10 years and I have no point in living anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm afraid of having to work toward things. Really anything.
I'm in a very poor place right now. I feel like there's nothing I can do and I'm afraid to have to work to get better at it. I think I'm afraid that I will start, spend precious times of my life on it only to fail. Usually, if I don't achieve something in a short time, I start feeling horribly unmotivated and depressed.
I have trouble making friends because it doesn't happen immediately.
I don't want to go back to college because I'm afraid I'll fail.
I even saw a "positive" post from someone talking about how they're getting over there depression, but I just saw the words "it'll be a long process" and froze up.
I don't know what to do.
|
self.depression
|
Does anybody close there eyes and pretend they are jumping off of a tall building when they step of the curb? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I’m having breathing issues. Is it from anxiety? Lately I’ve been having this breathing issue while I’m trying to sleep. I’ve looked it up and it’s called breathing awareness. Basically, I am constantly aware of my breathing and when I try to relax and fall asleep, I stop breathing and jolt awake in a panic. It’s really affecting my sleep. I’ve only gotten 5 hours of sleep within the past few days. It also happens occasionally during the day but if I distract myself it goes away.
I’ve read some things online saying it is an anxiety issue and I’ve talked to a friend who told me the same thing. The thing is, I’ve never really had anxiety in my life and I can’t think of anything that could trigger it. I like to think of myself as a calm, down to earth guy. I’m seriously thinking about seeing a doctor about this because it is freaking me out.
The thought of having anxiety is giving me anxiety. Ain’t that ironic?
|
self.Anxiety
|
My ex married the guy she left me for. I’m going to shoot myself in front of their house. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
heartbroken my crush was kissing her boyfriend while staying with them at the table. this fucking killed me and what's more she knows about my feelings
|
self.depression
|
A boy shot himself this morning before school It's left everyone broken. This kid always had a smile on his face, he made everyone laugh, yet no one knew how he was feeling. He was there for everyone but couldn't get the same back in return
The entire community is just in shock.
|
self.offmychest
|
Self discipline? Does anyone have any tips, books, videos?
Over the last month I've gained 10lbs, stopped working out daily and have returned to my binge eating. I am seeing a therapist but id like to know what my fellow partners have tried.
I started 10mg of Lexapro a month ago, currently not really working anymore(feeling depressed, tired and wanting to eat all day) they just gave me prozac today.... I have a big important trip to NY tomorrow for a week so ive decided to postpone prozac until next week... i will keep lexapro (it isnt as bad as being off meds)
I used to have bullimia so losing my cool with food is tearing me to shred making me eat more (i dont purge anymore )
I want to get back on the habit wagon but i feel so out of it... eating healthy amd working out was essential to nuilding myself up and i feel like im starting to lose myself....
I just got 'the subtle art of not giving a fu¥¥' once i read it helped someone here!
*sorry if there is grammar/spelling issues. Lexapro has me feeling all funky atm
|
self.Anxiety
|
I've tried so hard in school, and the stress is just too much [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anxiety about getting a job I recently graduated from university and I realized I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I feel a bit lost, but obviously I still need to find a job because life is pricey. I've been searching for a job for months. I applied to a bunch of things, one being USPS. I passed the exam with a great score and was called in for a job interview. The night before the interview my mind wouldn't stop throwing scenarios of what ifs to me.
The next morning I woke up super early, showered, dressed, did my hair and make up, and drove the thirty plus minutes to the job interview site. And then I just sat there in my car in the parking lot, staring at the clock. Thinking of everything that could go wrong, mentally rehearsing what I'd say to the employee at the counter once I got there, how I'd greet the supervisor, etc. because I don't do well in social settings. Then I worried about what might happen if I did get the job, since I'd have to interact with others and encounter things I never have before.
I'm sure it's reasonable to feel nervous about a job interview since I've never been interviewed before. The thing is, I did so much to get ready for this moment and I worked so hard for this chance... and when it came to it, I couldn't leave my car. I just sat there, trying not to cry or panic because I ruined my chances. I don't want this to happen again, but I don't know of any strategies that might help in the future. Any advice?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Check-In Post, with some info about contacting the moderators Welcome to /r/depression's check-in post - a place to take a moment and share what is going on and how you are doing. If you have an accomplishment you want to talk about (these shouldn't be standalone posts in the sub as they violate the "role model" rule, but are welcome here), or are having a tough time but prefer not to make your own post, this is a place you can share.
We try our best to keep this space as safe and supportive as possible on reddit's wide-open anonymity-friendly platform. The community rules can be found in the sidebar. If you aren't sure about a rule, please ask us. If you have concerns or questions about the community policies, this is a good place to raise those as well.
***
Hey everyone. Sorry about letting the previous check-in post get archived.
But I got messages in my personal inbox about the previous post expiring, and that isn't the best practice for several reasons. It's not exactly appropriate (like going to someone's house, uninvited, instead of their office) and makes extra work for us (because we then have to keep the rest of the mod team in the loop). Most importantly, there is no guarantee that any individual moderator will read their personal messages in a timely fashion or even be online at any given time, so it can delay action on your questions or concerns.
The only way you should contact the moderators of any subreddit (unless explicitly advised otherwise) is via modmail, i.e. the "message the moderators" links you see in the community info in the sidebars. If you're using an app or client that doesn't offer you an option to message the moderators, you can always send a modmail by putting the name of the subreddit, e.g. /r/depression, in the To box.
We know that reddit does a pretty terrible job of making it obvious that modmail is a thing, especially for mobile users, so we don't blame anyone who doesn't know about modmail. But we want you to be aware since it will help you if you ever have an issue where you need us, especially if you need us urgently.
Thanks!
|
self.depression
|
5 Minutes Ago (Poem) &nbsp;
"Why don't I want to write this?"
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
I did.
5 minutes ago.
&nbsp;
My veins were pulsing
I was ready to flow.
Now...
Now I don't want to.
&nbsp;
Now, I want to bury myself deeper into the web.
Disappear.
Pull away from my thoughts.
Push away from my feelings.
&nbsp;
I'm saD.
More than that, really.
I'm broken.
&nbsp;
But I was hAppy.
5 minutes ago
I was hapPy.
&nbsp;
5 minutes ago my thoughts were flying
5 minutes ago my face was warm
5 minutes ago? I felt... inCredible.
&nbsp;
Too incredible.
&nbsp;
5 minutes ago I had goals
5 minutes ago I had dreams
5 minutes ago there was-
&nbsp;
purposE.
&nbsp;
5 minutes ago I was smiling
5 minutes ago I was euphoric
5 minutes ago, nothinG could stop me.
&nbsp;
Nothing except 5 minutes.
&nbsp;
Now I feel death. Seek it.
But I can't sleep.
My heart still races.
My thoughts.
&nbsp;
Adrenaline with nowhere to go.
Adrenaline...
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
"If only it was 5 minutes ago."
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
shit. here comes the headache...
|
self.bipolar
|
Can I rant for a moment? I am rarely an angry person. I honestly cannot think of one time in the past where I have been genuinely angry. I'm usually pretty passive (that's an entire other can of worms), but lately I have been utterly furious. Does it piss anybody else of when you pour out to a close friend, and they say "I'm sorry you feel that way but that isn't how it actually is."? I don't think I could get angrier at a sentence. No shit I know that's not how you see it. That's not the fucking point. It makes me want to scream. I hate it so fucking much that I've gotten to a point where I have stopped confiding in my friend (I do counseling too just fyi) because that's the primary response I get back.
A few weeks ago was my birthday and none of my friends did fucking anything to celebrate. My best friend LEFT TOWN that weekend and got back in the afternoon on my birthday. He went to visit another friend and his parents surprised him with the trip and I'm not mad about that. I'm just disappointed that he hadn't told his parents that he already had something planned that weekend. What a fucking joke. All I fucking heard about was how crazy of a weekend he had and I got squat. I told him how I felt about that. I told him that I had realized that nobody really cared enough to go out of their way to celebrate my 21st birthday with me. He gave a half-hearted apology and told me that people show care in different ways. And he's right, people express care in different ways. But why the fuck do I get tossed aside while other people get executive level treatment. I feel like the part of me that once cared unconditionally is dead. I blame him for that. Those few things have hurt me so deeply. He probably doesn't realize it when he does it, but when I tell him how I feel I just get that damn sentence back to me. Totally frustrating. If you're still reading, thanks for listening. I hope everyone has a wonderful rest of their day.
|
self.depression
|
how do i help myself in depression when i dont have any motivation to do anything? it's like im dragging my body everyday to school just to fulfill something when in reality i feel dead already.
|
self.depression
|
Feel stuck in My Own Body Hi,
I'm 27 and this is the first time I'm experiencing really extreme anxiety. Basically I feel like my heart is gonna either burst out of my chest or just plain stop beating. It started when I came back from a lunch with colleagues and I climbed up the stairs and couldnt catch my breath (usually I'm out of breath when I climb up). I panicked and fell into this weird panic attack for an hour or two until I asked the colleague to drive me home.
Since then at odd times I have this sinking feeling, whenever i feel my heart beating too fast. I guess it's the idea of anxiety and its physical symptoms that gives me anxiety and its a vicious cycle. I was apparently very happy before that post-lunch episode, so I am unsure of what the first trigger was. I'm unsure of what every subsequent trigger has been because it happens at random and usually at work (though not limited to it). I feel stuck in my body mostly when my heart is beating fast against my chest and I dont know what to do about it. Breathing doesn't help much, walking around sometimes does, distractions help for a very short amount of time. Sometimes the anxiety lingers for hours. Sometimes its shortlived and comes up very sneakily. I can be sitting and working on something and it would just creep up and make me feel trapped again.
What should I do? I did go and see a therapist. They're persisting however, and she told me this exercise which doesnt help. So I could use some advice as its affecting my work a lot. Thanks!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Imagine being diagnosed with cancer and everyone hates your guts for it. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
21 years old with echopraxia Hello.
I am 21 year old and I have echopraxia. I constantly mimic traits of other person involuntarily. It can be anything: the way of walk, talk, think, anything you can imagine. This is the most annoying thing that can happen with a being. I spent most of my teenage years in bedroom because of that. This is a curse and the worst thing is that I don't know anybody in the world like me, I am the only unlucky motherf*ucker with this. So I am here to finally find someone that understands me and maybe someone to help to get it off me.
Thanks.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else always see less capable or charming people who are somehow happier and more successful than you? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Need some help cheering up right now Context: I’m a gay 16 year old girl with a girlfriend and a small group of close friends. I posted a more or less identical version of this post to r/teenagers. I’m diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder and anxiety disorder. And lately, I’ve been having a really rough time since my meds are only helping my anxiety, so my depression has honestly been wrecking havoc on my life right now. I’ve been dealing the best I can.
The current issue: I like to throw slumber parties. However, I have a bit of a twist that I put on them. They’re usually started off with a bright and happy and fun little tea party. I have special tea sets and lots of different types of tea and I bake my own snacks for them. Then we play games and watch horror movies and the like.
I’ve been planning one specific one for months, but it had to be rescheduled several times. It was supposed to celebrate me getting my driving permit (which was back in autumn). I finally got a date, and even let the girls know ahead of time. However, everyone keeps cancelling on me. And two of the girls I asked literally just don’t want to go. And I’m really upset. I’ve been bawling my eyes out for quite a while. And I can’t tell if this is my fault for being stupid and immature. What do you guys think?
|
self.depression
|
I messed up socially with a hot guy and I feel bad [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
EMDR? just started EMDR the other day to deal with some childhood trauma, wondering if and how it’ll affect my bipolar (1) symptoms. anyone have experience with this?
EDIT: affect symptoms as in make them more manageable/see improvement
|
self.bipolar
|
Here we go again: EMDR Take 2 I have PTSD as the result of an extensive history of sexual abuse. My therapist guided me through 9 months of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) in 2016. It was BRUTAL, but my symptoms were nearly nonexistent after we finished it up. I recently have had some symptoms pop back up, and after an assessment it appears that I’m in need of a “tune up” as my therapist calls it. So here we go again... I’m starting it again today. I hope that it’ll be a little less sucky since I’ve put some hard work into it previously and that it’ll be short-lived compared to 9 months of nonstop weekly EMDR sessions. I’m still EXTREMELY anxious as I get closer and closer to my appointment today because I know that things will get worse before they get better.
Has anyone been through EMDR before? Do you have any coping skills that help you, especially in between sessions when your brain is processing everything?
PS: For the record, I’m not trying to scare anyone who is facing the possibility of going through this process. Doing EMDR has changed my life for the better. I’ve had PTSD as long as I can remember, and the relief that it’s brought me has been amazing. Just stick it out until it gets better.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm at the point of going into crisis, and the pdoc wants to remove bipolar diagnosis so I will get kicked out of clinic WTF.
So what, I don't get treatment now? clinic can't see me if I'm not bipolar.
Fuck. Me.
They're doing it to push me out.
I'm hypo now, in winter, which is NOT NORMAL. What ever state I'm in now will get worse in spring.
I am not in a good place.
|
self.bipolar
|
I can finally eat again After 24 days my appetite has finally come back. I’m glad I can eat again. I was so depressed and struggling i unfortunately lost 19lbs in those 24days. Everything just falls off of me! Just going to have to try to gain it all back. :(
|
self.depression
|
All I wanted was two days off in a row I had this weekend off from work. It was the first time I had two days off in a row for a long time. I was feeling particularly shitty at that time(still am), so I highly anticipated it.
But guess what?
Work called me in. I'm working today and I get Tuesday off instead. I know I sound like a petty retard, but this has made me feel even worse. All I wanted was two days of reprieve from that stupid fucking job, but I guess I was asking for too much...
I hate myself and my life so much. I eyed my pill bottle pretty closely last night. I'm worried I might get worse.
|
self.depression
|
With my best friends tonight but I don’t feel comfortable. I want to go home. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
No more standing here starring at this gun has made me feel something I haven’t felt in a long time, hope. No more pain, no more panic, no more anger. I don’t need to be afraid anymore, because soon it will all be over.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Having a bad panic attack, does anyone have suggestions? I was driving home and started having a bad panic attack. I’m still experiencing it and I’m freaking out. Rapid heart beat and feel like I’m dying. Does anyone have tips to help calm me down??
|
self.Anxiety
|
First step My first step in recovering these past 4 years, is to try and let people back in my life. I don't really want to, but my heart needs to mend and rejuvenate.
Maybe reaching out to some people I used to call friends and hang out with is the way to go.
Little steps first i guess.
I'm tired of thief current state of mind, I have to get better.
|
self.offmychest
|
Do any of you worry about elderly loved ones? Even though my Nana is good health for her 70s, I sometimes worry. She's a breast cancer survivor and I'm glad she's still here. But also, she's my only grandparent so its a little tough to think about. My grandfather passed away when I was a baby and I never got know him like my oldest sister did. I like what my Nana does for me and everybody else in the family but every once in a while I get worried. I have other relatives who are older and I sometimes worry and get anxious about them, too. I had a pretty good day with my Nana and I like how she comes over everyday, when she can. Anyone else feel like this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Suffering from OCD After extensive research I finally found what’s wrong with me. I suffer from HOCD. For the past few years I’ve been doubting my sexuality, asking myself if I’m gay. It’s a constant question in my mind and it’s been driving me crazy. There are times when the thoughts stop for a few days but they always come back. I’ve never had a crush on a guy before but that doesn’t stop the intrusive thoughts. I can be daydreaming about a girl and then out of nowhere a thought pops into my head “what if it was with a dude instead”. I watched gay porn to see if it would arouse me, it grossed me out but I still got aroused somehow, against my will. The thoughts keep me up at night which sucks because I’m a college student and my classes are early in the morning so I’m constantly tired and lack sleep. I regret watching the gay porn because now because whenever the thoughts get really bad those images pop into my head. I even asked myself if there was a possibility that I might be bisexual but I don’t think I can be because I’ve never been and still not sexually attracted to guys, but even though I know that, my brain keeps saying “you never know, you’re probably gay/bisexual”. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about this without them thinking I’m gay and in denial. I think if I were gay or bisexual I would’ve accepted or I would have an urge to be with a man. I don’t know, the thoughts have been a lot worse these past few weeks and I’ve seriously contemplated suicide because that’s the only way to make them stop permanently. I’m sorry this is so badly written but I needed to get this out. I just want the thoughts to stop. Deep down I know I’m straight, but my mind won’t let me be at peace with that. I don’t know what to do anymore
|
self.offmychest
|
halloween was ruined by some teens in my city. i was giving out candy and many of the kids/teens were respectable and nice except a few that tried to steal the bowl from me.
fuck you teenagers for even trying to do this kind of stuff to one of the few houses on the street thats actually giving out candy. they tried it with me and spilled my bowl and im sure they tried at more houses. really annoying.
and then what really did it for me was when a kid asked if i had any ButterFingers, and when i said i was out of those but i had snickers and 3 muskateers and some lolly pops left he says "i dont fuckin want those pfft" and leaves. I am done with halloween as long as i live in this neighborhood.
|
self.offmychest
|
:) So yesterday was my 18th birthday, and here my dumbass was expecting it to be different than all my other ones, but boy was I wrong. It's nice to know that no one gives a fuck about you. You can cry, and scream all you want but at the end of the day, no one is gonna be able to understand you, and the deep well that has been buried within your mind. So what if you grew up rejected by every girl, guy, and person? So what if you've just turned 18 and endured waves upon waves of mental abuse? At the end of the day, when you're laying in your bed, and your demons are starting to swallow you whole and fill up the bowl, what do you do? You face it. You indulge yourself in them until the pain is numb, and you can't feel anything anymore. It may not be healthy, but it's better than suffering. Happy fucking birthday bro, have your cake.
|
self.depression
|
The sinister cycle. TW: manipulation.
I think I’ve shared it as a comment in one of the previous posts. But I do tend to compare myself with other people’s experiences, and searching for validation externally. It poses as a trigger to my depressive states. Sometimes I even doubt my own sincerity as I do feel manipulative just to garner good comments or praises. I have determined the cycle of this manipulation. I tend to be outwardly and outspoken, treading social conventions familiar to the new set of people I’ve met. Then after quite some time, when the interaction sorts of plateau-ed, I will feel the need for stronger validation so I will lay down traps in conversations so that the topic will circle back to me. Once my methods are not that effective anymore, I will feel doubtful of myself. And that’s where the self-loathing will further.
I lost a friend because of that. We were quite close, and we’ve been working together for three years. Now, we barely even speak. I was not able to explain myself but I don’t think it still matters at this point. All I want is for this sucking hellhole of a narcissim-cum-depression to disappear. I am even doubting my capability to develop a genuine relationship because of this, because ever since I came to this realization, for every new person I meet, I hold back lest I succumb to my own manipulation again.
Thanks for giving me a space to release this realization. I’ve bottled it up for quite some time now.
Edit: I think said friend is in a better place than I am right now. I hope I can catch up with her, even not as a friend but as a colleague. Her achievements made me self-aware of the things I lack. And it intimidates me to no extent.
|
self.depression
|
New Year's Resolution: To deal with my depression I want to be happy again. To enjoy something, anything. To be content with my life. I want to figure out how to deal with my depression, get off these meds that have made me nothing but existing and going through the motions and get to really living life.
|
self.depression
|
How to stop obsessing over what my ex is doing? Long story short, my ex and I (both nonbinary, both using they/them pronouns) were together for almost two years. They broke up with me five days before our anniversary because they didn't love me anymore and wanted to date men. Amazingly ( /s) they did this one month after we moved in together, and we can't afford to break the lease. So now we still live together, and before anyone offers advice on how to get out of it, we've already tried everything and it's just not feasible. That isn't my problem.
I can't stop obsessing over what they're doing, who they're texting, where they are, etc. I've had to go to the doctor twice in the past week for unrelated things, and I had high blood pressure each time because I just am constantly in a state of near panic. My chest physically hurts thinking about them. The thought of them hooking up with or, worse, falling in love with somebody else is killing me, but I can't get it out of my head. It's taking over my life and jump-starting old disordered eating habits and substance misuse, and I don't even care enough anymore to stop it. I don't know how to break this cycle. It doesn't help that I don't have any friends anymore (all my friends were mutual friends, who now only speak to my ex and ignore me) and work two jobs with zero hobbies, so I'm just chronically stressed with no outlets...
|
self.Anxiety
|
My memory is fading I am only 25, but I feel as though my memory has been drifting away the past 5-6 years. I don't remember much about undergrad or what I learned, and I don't recall anything from my grad program, which is incredibly important for my job as a math teacher! I can't remember what strategies or resources I used in my school last year so now I have to attack everything as if I've never taught it before. I often can't remember what happened a few days or weeks ago, and never in great detail. I don't know what's going on, anyone else experience this?
|
self.depression
|
How are you sure it's depression and not just the fact that life sucks? 20M. I know I'm severely depressed, but I've never seen a doctor. I have all the symptoms.
But when I think about it more, have I ever been happy? I don't think so. Even as a kid, I've always felt this way. It wasn't caused by a single event that I know of, though some have worsened it. What if the real answer is that I'm not depressed, and everyone feels this way because life sucks and that's the cold hard truth? Some people are just better at dealing with this or distracting themselves from that fact.
Even if I do get help and medicine, will it do any good? Or will I suddenly be "normal" after a while and come to the same realization that life sucks? If that's the case I would rather just stay here in bed and be depressed. I haven't gone to work the two weeks now anyway. Even with treatment I will never be happy. I have no motivation, life direction, nothing to distract me even after overcoming it.
|
self.depression
|
This is it I'm finished planning it. Everything is ready. I keep wishing that there was another option, but I've been desperately looking for one for years. I've had it now. I make everything worse for the people I love. I continue to hurt my family by never getting better, no matter how hard I try. I've made my boyfriends mental health even worse than it was to begin with, because he feels that my mental health is just too much for him. I have no one, every single person I had in my life wants me dead. Nobody wants to even be around me anymore. I am such a burden. All I've ever done is bring everyone I love down with me. I know they would all be so much happier and better off as soon as I'm gone. They are all exhausted from me. I need this to be over, I truly have no reason to stay here in this life. What is the point of living when everyone you love just wish you were gone? I understand it though, I can't even stand my own company. How the fuck is anyone else going to be able to suffer through me?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
This is my last confession before I off myself. I'm doing it on Thanksgiving. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I made a plan for my suicide I have made plans for my suicide before and now I have again. In the past these have gone two ways: 1) I attempt and end up failing (gun doesnt go off, i wake up in my own vomit or in the hospital etc.) or 2) I never make it to the attempt. the first time i attempted suicide i was nine years old and i tried to swallow a bottle of Tylenol only to throw up afterwards (i cant remember if i made myself or not but i think i did). I don’t know if this plan will end up like the rest but i sincerely hope it doesn’t.
I’m 22 now and I don’t remember a time where I haven’t felt like this was something I wanted to do. I don’t remember a time where this wasn’t just an inevitable conclusion. And there is some idea that life could be better in the future but I don’t think its a future I will likely see.
Today I cleaned my place as best as I could and I visited my mother whom I have a strained relationship with. Tomorrow I will get my finances in order and write a detailed letter to my executor for what I want done once I’m gone. I will clean up myself and tomorrow evening I will go for supper with my adopted mother and sister (not actually I just call them that because they take care of me)
On tuesday I will go to work as normal, go to my psychologist as normal and when she asks if im still feeling suicidal I will say I am. She will ask me about medication and I will say no. We will talk about why and I will go home afterwards, denying any immediate threat. Once home I am going to write the letters i always write.
On Wednesday I will skip breakfast, I will go out for lunch with my best friend but i will not eat. After work on Sunday I will stop at the liquor store and buy 750ml of ciroc red berry vodka and ditch my phone into the river while I’m on the bridge. Once home I will destroy the hdd on my computer and my laptop by opening up and hammering the disks, then I will take off my shower curtain and fold it up, i will place towels near the bath tub and run a bath as hot as it can go and I will take 8 shots along with the rest of my vicoden, ibuprofen, the two bottles of barbituates that I got prescribed to me this weekend and the 2 grams of fentanyl. I will then get in the bath tub with my sharpest knife and if i am able i will slit my right wrist. At 2:30 in the morning a timed email of this plan will go to my property manager so that my body can be discovered by him first.
Im not sure why i made this post, i guess its a cry for help i guess its just looking for attention. I have made plans before but never with this much detail in how it will be done. I apologize for any harm this post does to anyone please know it is not my intention.
|
self.depression
|
I don't want to die, but I don't know how to live anymore I've lived with a certainty that I will die around 30 and the further along the line I got, the more tired of my life I was and saw that as a blessing. Finally, finally this all will end.
Eventually I got on a good meds. I didn't get around to find therapy, but my brain managed to more or less steer itself with help of dopamine.
I don't know what now.
Up until now all my plans have been about "how to kill myself without leaving a body behind so that nobody would have to bother themselves with burying me". I have literally no interests. No hobbies. Never pursued any talents - because why should I? I'll kill myself soon, won't I? So there's no point.
Was never in any close relationship - because, duh, I'll die soon enough, why bother? It'll just hurt them.
So now... I'm kinda lost. I'm almost thirty. Live has nothing in store for me. Nothing has ever changed. Everything was just more and more sad and bitter and lonely and hard and difficult. I have no reason to believe it won't continue to do so, especially once my body starts giving up under me, starts getting sick for no reason other than being "too old for that shit".
I'm so tired.
My brain wants to keep going, its filled with hope, but I'm just looking around and see... nothing. Nothing to hold onto, nothing to do, nothing to wait for.
Almost twenty years of struggle and this is what waited for me at the end? Really?
Why do people kept telling me "it gets better"?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.