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My Friend Thinks it's Okay to Joke About my Illness [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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30 yr old fat never had a girlfriend never been with a women and have been treat like crap from everyone i ever met. Since i was 15 i've been fighting against this battle to kill myself, no medications, what i thought where friends turned out wrong, i have no friends i have no hobbies other then gaming which i used to keep my brain busy with that so i didn't think about stuff thats killing me inside. These past few years it's been increasing more and more difficult to keep the pain down when i sit alone in my house for 20 hours a day, i don't work i have no skills i have no friends im messy everyone i met online seems to dislike me also, i cant even make friends online. I also have an auto immune disease called hidradenitis suppurativa which causes me imense amount of physical pain every day and has scared my body to no end. I'm lost and im thinking about giving up after 14 years of fighting my feelings.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Need music recommendations Been feeling super depressed lately, and would love to know what you listen to when feeling this way. I personally love Damon Albarn or Pink Floyd's work, so I'd like things similar, thank you
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self.bipolar
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I'm too weak to survive in this cruel world Goodbye , thanks for abandoning me God and everyone else. I went from a good student to a piece of shit college kid that's bordering on dropping out.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Decaf coffee Those of you who can't drunk caffeine due to your conditions, do you feel any effect from decaf? It apparently isn't totally caffeine free, altough the quantity is really low. I felt some mood changes lately and was wondering if they could be related to drinking decaf. It seems unlikely, but if you guys have any experience with it I'd love to know. Thanks in advance and have a great day today.
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self.bipolar
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Do you ever find yourself missing your manic stage? I'm 22 years old and have worked my ass off to finally get into a university to study biology. For years I've had manic stages and depressed stages but my manic stages have always lasted longer than my depressed ones, until now. I thought going to a new school would be liberating but I've been in one long depressed and anxious state since mid-summer and it has hurt my grades drastically. I have found myself missing the part of me that doesn't sleep for days to study for an exam and still has energy left over to go out with friends. Has anyone else experienced missing the manic side to them?
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self.bipolar
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Stigmatization of bipolar is so frustrating. [/rant] I've always found it easy to talk about depression and anxiety in a pretty public way. It's so awesome to see how it helps others who are going through similar situations gain support and acceptance. But only recently have I been able to discuss BP with my nearest and dearest. They know it's a thing, and they're pretty supportive, but the stigma still makes it difficult. Sometimes when I'm talking about it, I feel like they think I'm making excuses – but I just want to be open. Anyone else feel that?
I always clip back in my mind to this one time my former manager was talking smack on another coworker, and said "oh my GOD, she is like TOTALLY bipolar" (she wasn't – as far as I knew or could tell, anyway).
This is more of a rant (or a whine, honestly), but do you actually talk about things in a more public way? On social media or openly with friends or at work?
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self.bipolar
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Just lost my job, lost my mind a long time ago, n the drugs officially stopped working today. And I’ve NEVER been so scared in my life. Hey everyone. I just need to get this out.
So I lost my job a couple weeks ago. I’ve been self medicating my depression/anxiety with Kratom for a year now (which I’m obviously addicted to) and it usually helps me to not give a shit about anything.
Anyway, the job thing, the stress is building, n I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life. Not to mention the kratom has been progressively no longer working to quiet my mind and today it stopped working entirely.
I’ve never felt so scared before and today I’ve considered killing myself which is scaring me. Not that I think I’m going to do it but I’ve officially hit rock bottom I think. I’ve contemplated suicide before but today is sounds more appealing than ever.
If anyone feels like chiming in I am so appreciative of anything.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Oooh punchiness must be progressing towards a mixed state I guess I'll be glad to come out of depression?
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self.bipolar
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Sleep I have a bugger of a time with sleep. I wake up several times every night and have nightmares that keep me up for hours. Pdoc tried Prazosin, but the physical side effects were too much for me. We’re trying a low dose of Trazodone now, and, while it is doing it’s job with no major side effects, I don’t want to take it. I like the undisturbed sleep, but I’m terrified that the sedating effect would leave me unable to react in time if something bad should happen during the night. I don’t like the lack of awareness or slowed response time, all of which seem necessary for a med that makes you sleep. Just frustrated. Thanks for listening.
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self.bipolar
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This goes out to both of you. To his first; the one he moved countries to be with. Who abused him physically and emotionally. The one that he walked in on laying with another man. And to his second; the one who vowed to help build him up again. Who made a thousand empty promises and broke every one of them. The one that pushed him to date her when he wasn't ready, and then cheated with and left him for somebody else. Honestly, I don't know which one of you is worse.
I want to thank you, though. Because if it weren't for either of you I wouldn't have met someone so understanding and kind. The type of guy with real depth and emotion, who isn't afraid to show those emotions. He has his flaws and his defects and his burdens, sure, but I can honestly say that he is one of the most genuine people I've ever met, with one of the biggest hearts. Even after everything. I just wish his self esteem was better.
It's because of you that I refuse to make any promises. That I prove my loyalty by my actions, not my words. I could string together a bunch of pretty words and make promises I might not keep, but either way - He's heard it all before. He won't believe it. I want to give him better than what he's had. I want to prove to him that he's worthy and capable of being loved, because he is. But at the end of the day, it's not really him I feel sorry for. It's the two of you.
You had somebody great. Someone kind and thoughtful and understanding, who gave you both way more chances than you ever deserved. You threw it all away, and for what? I hope one day you regret it. One, two, maybe five years down the road - I hope you look back and feel guilty. I hope I make him happier than you ever did, and I hope it eats you up inside.
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self.offmychest
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I found out that my mom tried to abort me and I feel like I really want to die [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why Dont More Prople Commit Suicide With Alcohol? I just realized this.
I've never been blackout drunk, but I imagine that drinking a shitton if alcohol and blacking out is a pretty peaceful way to die, considering people do it by accident all the time and don't even realize it.
Seems like a fantastic idea
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self.SuicideWatch
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i’d be dead by now if i had access to a gun does anyone else think that if they had access to a gun they would have done it by now? if my parents had one or if it was possible for me to get one at 16 in canada (stricter gun laws than usa) i’d be dead already.
the reason i haven’t tried is because i don’t want to try something that could leave me mentally/physically disabled beyond any hope of getting back to normal (eating through a tube, peeing through another tube type situation) but at the same time, i don’t want to waste my parents money on university if i’m just gonna fucking die a couple years later.
ideally, i would just fall asleep and never wake up or i would be in some sort of accident that kills me but i know the chances of that happening are slim to none.
i guess i’m just trying to see if anyone else feels the same way?? if anyone else believes their biggest obstacle is accessibility??
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone want to talk about sexual violence & bipolar? TW/CW: sexual assault, rape.
For me, it’s been 3 years since I was raped, and the legal process is long over. There has been much therapy and healing, but it’s still difficult not to become fixated on it, especially during a depressive episode. My rape occurred while I was manic and drunk, late at night. It’s so hard not to put some of the blame on myself, for not taking care of myself, for going out despite having a concussion from drunkenly fighting the night previous, for succumbing to alcoholism, for taking the antidepressants, though prescribed by my doctor, which I probably knew would cause mania. I was on mood stabilizers, but my doctor didn’t think i needed more than 50mg of lamictal. It’s hard to understand how some gentle souls could be so kind to me in the aftermath, but others could blame me, call me a psycho lying bitch, and purposely trigger me with rape jokes.
It’s weird to think about how much rape has changed me. I don’t recognize the person I was three years ago and it’s hard for me to sympathize with her. But that also makes it really hard to recover and move forwards; it’s as if I’m dragging around a dead person every day, trying to understand her role in my current, much different life. But the rape also served as the perfect rock bottom, it allowed me to find a competent, compassionate pdoc who knew immediately that I needed stronger meds, and antidepressants were poison for me. He helped treat my nightmares, insomnia, panic attacks. He sent me for therapy, where I learned real coping mechanisms which I implement every day, which have allowed me to actually work towards my goals instead of being crippled in unending terror.
Maybe the worst part of all of this is the isolation. I have several close confidants who I love so dearly and listen to my thoughts and we cry together. But standing up and facing the world, it’s an enormous challenge. I don’t know where this is really going, but have any of you been through this? How has it changed you? How do you get through your day-to-day without being crippled? How do you not blame yourself?
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self.bipolar
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I think I've lost all of my friends. Long read but guidance to the right sub or something is needed please. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Tests are Normal So after suffering with flank pain, right abdominal pain, tinnitus and back pain for 6 weeks my tests have all come back normal, I have had an X-ray , Abdominal CT scan with contrast and an ultrasound. Should this be enough to rule out something serious or could there still be an underlying cause?
Or is it a result of being hypersensitive and anxious? I am really feeling these pains, I'm not making them up. But maybe my brain is telling me to worry more about them. I'm not sure, any help would be appreciated
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self.Anxiety
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Gone and back again It's been quite a while since I've posted here. I've made some improvements and have seen the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's still fading.
Turns out I had type 2 diabetes, probably caused by my weight and drinking. I lost over 60 pounds, and have managed normal blood sugar levels without medication for months.
I even got a job. It's not what I want to do for the rest of my life, but it's a paycheck and another step towards independence.
Honestly, I hadn't thought about writing here in a long time, but darkness closes in once more. The rope calls to me once more.
I feel dead inside. Lonely. And I still feel like a failure, because who wants to be a cashier at 29 with a bachelor's degree in a highly sought field? Not to mention I still live with my parents. I haven't dated in over seven years and feel like I might as well be a kissless virgin at this point. Meds and therapy have helped, but they can only do so much.
I honestly feel like I crossed a threshold a long time ago and that suicide is inevitable. I'm seriously considering ending it tonight.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have 3 presentations and multiple exams for next week. Help! I feel extremely uncomfortable and distressed in front of people. But for next week, I have multiple oral presentations, with two of them being some kind of sketch/theatre/discussion! To top it off, I have multiple exams and the exams session approaching, stressinge out.
I'm terrified and I am in a lot of distress just thinking about it. My parents, teachers and friends don't know about my social anxiety (I haven't been able to get diagnosed because my parents don't believe in it but my behaviour is extremely similar to the symptoms of social anxiety). I've been in this situation multiple times but I can't take it anymore, I would go as far as to injure multiple seriously to avoid going in front.
What should I do??
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self.Anxiety
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When is it time to accept this? Hey. I recently found out that I likely have Borderline PD. That's not the point though. So basically, I finally realized that I don't really want to deal with this whole life thing. Like the actual events of life. It's not emotional anymore. It's logical.
One part of me is still holding on, which is why I am even posting here. It really sucks, because it's always conflicting.
It's either be stuck with a life I don't want, mess it all up with drugs until I die, get locked away in some psych place, or just end it.
If I don't want to live, and I know I'll never be satisfied, then what can medication, therapy, or even a psych ward do?
When should I accept my fate(s)? Anyone else feel this way?
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self.SuicideWatch
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My Suicide Note I'm typing this out now so if any of my "Loved Ones" find this, you'll see this has been a long time coming
Time is a bitch though ain't it? 9 years since my mom passed, 8 years since my dad passed, 3 years since the love of my life died, and I still feel like it was yesterday. Time is also a bitch on age, as I'm 26 and my life is nothing more then a shield for everyone's complaints and stress, but when I tried talking to you all, I was "Overreacting" or "Stressing too much". You all have your lovely fucking lives with jobs you actually like or an education towards a better future, while I struggle in even cleaning my own house. I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of arguing, I'm tired of feeling so defeated. Just yesterday, I had a guy answer my ad and show up to my house just to tell me at the last second that I was ugly, I wasn't his type, and it wasn't gonna work. You guys really don't know how much my life hurts just to get out of bed, how much I just wish I could be without technology so when you guys don't talk to me, it wouldn't affect me. It's not gonna affect me anymore though. I've basically seen it with my own eyes that I'm not needed by anyone anymore, and this life I'm living is essentially pointless. I hope you all have a nice life
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self.depression
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I just realized my grandpa dying had no effect to me. I didn't feel sad nor shocked. I still don't. I don't feel any way towards it.
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self.depression
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I got dumped and now I'm depressed and need something to hold me here. Anyone faced this? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Phoned in sick today due to my depression Work up with my self harm arm feeling numb (self harm free for 223 days but it happens I did a lot of damage)
My arm being numb and my constant depression shot my anxiety through the roof and I just called in sick and told them what I was going through I didn't even lie
I feel so awful
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self.depression
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Most people don’t realize how fortunate they are to live in the United States [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Weird panic attack that wouldn't stop Usually when I have a panic attack they're pretty similar to other ones I've had. I get that rush to my head, dizziness, heart speeds up, sweaty, breathing fast, feeling trapped and wanting to escape. But they usually only last about 10-15 minutes and I'm able to get myself out.
Last night though, I had a kinda weird one that lasted for hours... It was strange to me because it seemed sort of like it was only the physical symptoms? Mostly shakiness, going from hot to cold, and restlessness. My mind felt moderately calm though, (for me at least). After a while of this not going away though, it of course caused the mental symptoms to come in.
Anyone else ever experience something like this? What the hell was happening to me?
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self.Anxiety
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does anyone else deal with chronic suicidal ideation? hi /r/depression. this is my first time posting after lurking for a while. I wasn't sure if here or /r/suicidewatch was the best place to post, but I figured that this sub was slightly more relevant given the non-emergent nature of my question. please feel free to let me know if I'm mistaken and I'll take down my post and move it elsewhere.
if you are here reading this, I just want to let you know that I am grateful that you are listening to me in this moment.
I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, and have dealt with suicidal thoughts from a very young age. the first time I attempted suicide was when I was 10 years old, and again when I was 11. since then I have not felt the need to attempt again (I am in my late 20's). however, the thoughts are always there. sometimes they are muffled, and sometimes they are screaming at me at max volume. but they're there, they persist. I thought they would subside when I started medication treatment for my depressive episodes, but they're still there in the back of my mind.
the thing is, I'm not sure how to talk about this, since suicidal ideation is generally an emergent situation. I've not talked to my therapist about it since, again, usually these types of thoughts warrant immediate and aggressive interventional therapy. I am not in the opinion that is something I need, or necessarily will help my situation.
my question is, does anyone else experience suicidal ideation as this persistent, chronic, nagging part of your mind? not strong enough to spur you to act on them, but just sitting there lurking? how do you deal with it?
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self.depression
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I'm becoming a bitter old man at 22 I'm eating lunch, by myself of course, at a burger King. So many families with their screaming little kids. Not crying, just screaming at rediculously high frequencies. I used to want to have a family of my own in the future. Then my ex left me, now I'm alone with no possibility of a partner. Now I'm realizing they're nothing but annoying financial burdens anyway. I want to just have a heart attack and die already.
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self.depression
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I thought I was fine being alone but now that I had an experience where I wasn't, I can't go back and its making me really depressed(NOT suicidal) [deleted]
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self.depression
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Hey I don't really know what I'm doing, I'm sorry.
My name is dirk, i'm a 20 year old, obese male from Australia. I've been depressed for nearly ten years and i've just hit rock bottom.
i dont know what to do anymore i have no goals in life, never decided on a career path and i end up pushing away all my friends, recently ive discovered that i am an incredibly toxic person and that's probably why.
Dogs are the only thing that make me smile but i've been told no matter how happy it makes me, i'm not allowed to own one.
I've never really had a boyfriend, the only guys i've dated were online and they only really lasted a few months. I have no motivation to get out of bed in the morning and end up waking up at seven and getting out of bed at about one pm, only to go to work.
I feel like im not good at anything at all and that i'm just a waste of space. I didnt do great in school, my highest grade was a c- in film studies. I live on a hill and get sweaty and tired easily so i hardly exercise and my diet is poor.
I'm really sorry you probably didnt need my life story but i dont know what to do anymore, but i'm too much of a coward to actually end my life, which makes me feel even worse, yet more suicidal.
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self.SuicideWatch
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[Discussion] Not being able to feel anything I came out of the worst parts of my depression a few months ago, and am now eating regularly. But, I still have this empty feeling inside. I just feel raw anxiety all the time, not really much happiness or sadness. I’m really scared that this isn’t good... Can anyone help?
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self.depression
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Life really sucks I'm struggling with depression for some years now. Nobody ever helps me or is even interested. All the people I ever told that I'm depressed first acted like they want to help. But than they often told me something like: "Go see a doctor" and all of them then broke the contact. Therefore I struggled a long time with telling my best friend. But lately I thought he should know so I told him. His answer was that I'm a nice person and all but that he doesn't really care and that it's just a phase and will get better. Since then he just hung out with the other guys of my class and let me alone. I should have never told him...
My mother also struggles with depression and my father always tried to help her but he lately got diagnosed with cancer so he's too tired and depressed himself to help her. This results in me comming home completely depressed from school but acting like everything is okay. I can't tell them that I'm feeling bad cause I know they have enough problems themselves. I wish I had people actually caring and helping but I guess I'll just die inside without anybody noticing.
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self.depression
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To cure my “anxiety” BF(M32) refuses to help me (F30) Hi - Some background
My BF read something to cure anxiety in people, you must make them learn to be self reliant. However, I find this behavior extremely painful as it makes me spiral into thinking he doesn’t want to help me ever. As you can imagine this is increasing stressful and anxiety inducing.
Compounding this bad dynamic, I grew up in a very poor household of absent parents /family who never helped me do anything. I grew up being incredibly self reliant. When my BF and I started dating 3+ years ago, we built up a sort of trust. A trust I had never felt before which meant someone who was supportive.
Within the last year or so I’ve had 3 major issues. The death of my one supportive family member (Grandmother), Job change, and a major orthopedic surgery. As you can imagine there’s a lot of moments where anxiety might come in as I lost some of my self reliance.
But now I’m finding my BF ignores my requests for help or support. And almost goes out of his way to unsupportive. He’s even so bad to not even refer me to others who might help. And just pretended to fall asleep after scheduling when I can talk to him about my problems.
It’s made me feel even more closed off when he does this to me. And I brought it up that refusing to help me without explaining adds more anxiety to me. Like what’s wrong with me asking for my BF to be supportive? Why doesn’t he even act emphatic or interested?
He told me that he doesn’t want me to be reliant on him. And therefore he’s completely closed himself off from helping me. But now I feel as if - why stay with someone who doesn’t see this as a relationship ruining tact? He seems so lazy in my eyes and I can’t rub the impression out. Plus I’ve never felt more anxious before dating him. It’s only after dating him that I notice myself articulating myself to not annoy him. And to not be an inconvenience as I feel like my quota for help has been surpassed.
TL:DR - What advice should I share with my BF to realize that ignoring my issues for my “help” is actually creating extra stress and anxiety. Is there any articles I know around abusive backgrounds/neglect and anxiety which Would help me?
Otherwise, I don’t think I can be with someone who is so dismissive of my problems/refuses to be supportive.
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self.Anxiety
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Is lithium-induced acne usually immediate? About two weeks ago I started having some really deep red cysts, and I'm tempted to blame it on my lithium. I've been on my current dose of 900mg @ 0.6 mmol/L since the beginning of October, and until two weeks ago it was fine. Although I'm 18, over the years through puberty I haven't really had too many problems with acne outside of my picking problems (which exacerbates my current situation greatly). And when it did get bad, it wasn't this type of deep, cystic acne, rather it was mostly comedonal, hence why I've started to suspect the lithium.
For those who have dealt with lithium-induced acne, was it at the beginning after raising the dose, or did it kinda creep up over time? Another suspicion I have that is somewhat lithium-related is that maybe the acne problem is the result of my sudden decrease in water intake since 1. lithium doesn't make me so terribly thirsty anymore and 2. I've recently found out root beer and ginger ale don't have caffeine in it so I've been bad about drinking water. Could this explain why it's been so sudden and why it's cystic?
Lithium has been the only medication so far that has actually helped me. Like I haven't been in a situation where I was more stabilized but with bad side effects. So far before lithium it's only been less stability and with or without bad side effects. While I don't exactly have the best comparisons to go by since all of the other meds I've tried so far have made me worse in some way, I've felt like an actual human being for the first time since this disease stole my life . I don't want to risk losing that so I've pretty much accepted I'll be on it forever so I'm really afraid I just might have to deal with it if it is Lithium-induced. I've had much worse side effects on paper, but this one is up there for me since it destroys my confidence so much, especially after I pick at it and my entire face is all bloody.
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self.bipolar
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I think im tired.. i think i hate other humans. I think im tired. I believe that this world have no meaning and my connection with my family and friends is what keeping me alive.
This world is big i think. A lot of people live and doing something. I believe we have our own perspective. But the fact that some people fight, not trying to see a problem from other perspective and understand them is hurting me. I think i understand why these ignorance are always exist. Because i do have something that i dont wanna deal with.
I have depression since a while, like 2-3 years maybe. And my believe always keeping me from positive thoughts, like hope and love. But i think i understand my inability to understand those and why i always keeping those thing away from me. But i believe in human power, the fact that we have evolving this far.
I think im tired. I think i somewhat feel others pain. It hurt to see someone suffer and a lot of human suffer. My inability to change the world, my inability to have knowledge to do something, and my limited life is hurting me. The only thing i can do is help people that i know. But i think my help wont change anything. Human will always be human. Biased.
I think im tired. Im tired of living in a place without meaning. Im tired living in a place where human is always hurt. Im tired of knowing my action never matter. Im tired of living. Im tired of breathing every second. Im tired of sleeping. Im tired of eating. Im tired of seeing. Im tired of hearing. Im tired of touching....
Deep down i hate my family my friends. For existing and have a connection with me. I hate them for making me forbid my self to die.
Now... I become a spectator. I try to see anything from a third person perspective. I feel detached from reality. But i think while it too hurts to feel not being engaged with other human activity, i feel safe.
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self.SuicideWatch
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IDK what's going on So everything in my life is confusing me right now. I don't feel in control of my thoughts and they have just been driving me crazy. I don't feel connected to anything really and sometimes I don't even feel real. I feel so guilty for even being around the people who love me because I'm always in my head and don't feel or think anything is real. I am trying to center myself and be more present but it's so hard and I just feel like I'm drifting away and losing myself to my depression and anxiety. I'm really scared and everyday is becoming harder.
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self.depression
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Need help Late bloomer girls don’t like me been rejected my whole life Im a late bloomer who hasn’t had much experience with sex relationships or girls not for the want of trying though. however for the last 24 years that I have been on this planet girls have rejected me in every possible way you can Imigine thing is I don’t know what I did to piss the entire female race off? Let me give you some examples of some of the “colourful” ways these girls have rejected me. had one who got her friend who was a big buff dude to bash me so that Id stop talking to her, had another say I’d rather eat shit than be within 20 feet of you, there was one girl who said her and her group of girls would love nothing more than to kill me they hated me hat much. however the worst one was on Valentine’s Day. I had a girl who I was interested in and I asked her to this event. she not only rejected me and told me I was mental if I thought she’d go with me but she chose this jerk who was known for treating girls like crap and kissed and hugged him right infront of me. All I want is to have a girlfriend and have girls for friends and girl to take notice and some interest in me. all my friends have had multiple girls and go on dates together. I can’t even get a girl to smile or notice me I’m at my wits end and it depresses me to think that no girl on this planet will ever take an interest in me and that I’ll forever try and just be rejected by all of them till the day I die and I’ll go to heaven never having experienced any sort of Releationship or fun with a women that everyone else gets to experience. I have so many things I want to do with a girl get saldy I don’t think it’ll ever happen.
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self.depression
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I haven't had a reason to get out of bed for two days now. I am turning 22 in about a week. It's the next day I know I will probably be getting out of bed, anyone's guess for before that. I guess I always just thought life would be different. I get up and eat, go to the bathroom than just go back to bed and lay there. My gf is starting to get really sick and tired of my routine but I have almost zero desire to do anything with her.
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self.depression
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Well after seeing several therapists and psych docs, I was diagnosed with BP2 yesterday. Feeling nervous and relieved at the same time and starting lamictal today. Wish me luck! Anyone out there struggling with your doctors not listening to you- just keep advocating for yourself.
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self.bipolar
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Wish I would die soon and be reborn as a cat or a dog in a loving home. Would love to have a loving home to be in.
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self.depression
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How do I talk to people without feelings super awkward... [deleted]
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self.depression
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University stress is crushing me I’m a 22 year old college student. I’m in my final semester, and I’m failing all but 2 classes.
2 yers ago I had a mental breakdown due to stress from school and overloading myself with work and classes. The mental breakdown was in November after realizing I was goin to fail a class. I had to medically withdraw from university for that semester.
This semester, I again overloaded myself with work and became bogged down with all this work I needed to complete. I started missing class and assignments and now I’m most likely not going to graduate. My parents paid took out loans to pay for my education, and I feel like I’m going to let them down if I don’t graduate.
After my last mental breakdown, my parents encouraged me to socialize more and not to overload myself to maintain a healthy work/life balance. But I feel like an absolute failure to my parents and the stress about it is killing me because I don’t want to disappoint my parents again. I don’t know what I should do or how to talk to them about what’s going on.
I can’t eat, barely have to desire to go to class or work (the only thing making go to work is in out of sick days and I don’t want to quit), I’m not socializing, I can’t focus on anything. I just want to lie in bed all day.
I just don’t know what to do.
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self.depression
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I just wanna die Hey, my brother just committed suicide he was 14. He was having a hard time in school and wasn't really good at anything. My father was so hard to him because of the grades he got. He had a lot of friends, but suddenly he just couldn't take any more. I feel so guilty for his dead, i didn't helped him or make him calm down after he cried because i got a bad grade ( the reason why he cried was because my dad was yelling at him). What do i do. I have no friends, bad in school i am only good at computers, i have tried to kill myself twice but i just couldn't. Please. I am 14 years old with no future. :(
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self.SuicideWatch
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Consistently Ignored Anyone else here constantly just totally ignored when they try and reach out to folks--even if just to talk casually? Normally I am not paranoid and just ration they are busy but then I see them on social media reacting to new posts. Kind of stings.
Also for everyone who has ever done a "Deletion of shame" when they make a post that nobody comments on or reacts to. I have had to do that more times than I can count.
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self.depression
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I got stuck in a life Just wanted to let this out. (25M) Somehow I have no idea how to deal with this. Everytime my wife leaves town to go to university (couple of days every two weeks, its a distance program) I become someone else. I feel like a complete worthless waste of time and space, can't sleep, want nothing to eat, can't focus on work. This probably is not a depression, it just feels so shitty. Somehow all my friends moved out to different cities around the country in last two years and I've lost touch with all of them because I kept myself busy with finishing school and working in a tiny company from home (design) but it doesn't seem I've gotten anywhere. I sacrificed last 9 months reconstructing an apartment for us to move to on top of everything else, really going to the limit with my energy and time, now it feels like I got stuck in a life which is over. Thats probably the deal, there is one person in my life and when she leaves for a bit I am lost.
not sure if this is the right subreddit but yeah
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self.depression
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Today i didn't leave my apartment during a fire alarm It may just be a false alarm but I have hope.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel really down... My girlfriend recently broke up with me; she said I was too depressed, I think she was seeing another guy at the same time. One day we where fine and the other she stopped speaking to me looking at me caring for me. feel like I'm going through quarter-life crisis ?, I feel like I lost my best friend and they don't even care. All my other friends are emotionless, I feel distant from them they don’t think what I think, and they don't want to think what I think. I had to quite my professional job, because I was so depressed when she left…Today I saw my ex with the guy I think she was cheating with. Even when you take a deep breath this great pit of sadness overwhelms me, tonight I feel worthless I feel like I ruined everything because I cant be happy. Tonight I could really use a friend.Help??
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self.depression
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i hate one of my good friends Let's call him Person. Person is a major jerk, and is very self-centered. Lately, we've been in a group project together, and in the end, I'm screwed and basically doing the whole thing. I want to get him out of my hair and my life, but at the same time, he's a good friend, and one of my only friends.
Edit: Succeeded in getting him out of my hair.
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self.offmychest
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Anyone else experience memory loss from ECT and want to chat? I've lost several years of memory from ECT and want someone to talk to that understands how disorienting it is.
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self.depression
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I missed out on everything in my teenage years and it feels too late to catch up [deleted]
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self.depression
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TW: I just acted on some urges I've been feeling like absolute disintegrated shit these past couple of days. Earlier today, I went for a walk. During that walk, I encountered a busy intersection. I proceeded to walk through it without looking both ways because I just didn't care. It just happened. It was scary.
I think I might go to the hospital.
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self.bipolar
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Solo birthday celebration ideas? I'm thinking buy cake--eat until I pass out.
Any better suggestions?
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self.depression
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Can someone please talk to me Please. I want an open ear even for a few moments
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self.SuicideWatch
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Suicide Threat I have a friend that is Bipolar like me. He lost his girlfriend that he has a child with and for the past month has been posting on Facebook that he wants to kill himself several times a week. I have tried talking to him and be a shoulder to lean on. Tried to help him find ways to get through this. I have tried to convince him that he should get help weather through medication or therapy but he shoots that down saying medication does not work on him and that he hates therapists. I am at a loss on what to do. I stress out about it every day because I don't know what to do. Is there anything more I can do?
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self.bipolar
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Has anyone tried TMS? I’m in a bad position and suicidal almost everyday. I’ve tried every medication and I honestly think my mental illness is from brain damage or something. Either way I have very resistant depression. TMS is supposed to stimulate your prefrontal cortex. Has anyone had experience with this and did it work?
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self.bipolar
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I'm a place holder Not directly BP related, but I just need to rant in a place with people who might understand me better. For the second time in 6 months, someone I've been seeing (hanging out with, texting daily, sleeping with) has left me to get back with their ex. Both times they've been respectful enough to tell me, but it fucking hurts. This time, we texted every single day for a month straight, got along so well, hung out maybe 5ish times (but always for hours, sometimes overnight). There were no red flags, no warning signs that it wouldn't work out. I was planning on hanging out with him a few times more and then asking if he wanted to be exclusive and serious. Then last night, totally out of no where, he texts me to say he's back with his ex. Second time this has happened since the summer.
I don't understand -- I've been so good both times. Never got too drunk in front of them, never revealed too much personal information, kept really good boundaries, was interested and complimentary. Why did they start things with me if they thought it was possible they'd get back with their exes? I just feel so used, like I was literally just a place holder until they could get their ex back. Or I was the tool they needed to determine they wanted their ex and not someone else. I've been trying to have less meaningless sex and to only sleep with people when I care about them, and I thought that was the case, but now it's just more regretted sex and regretted feelings.
Plus, how do I avoid this in the future? It's not like I can ask someone how likely they are to get back with their ex. I'm just hurt, and I feel used. Why can't I have a good thing? I've been single for 3 and a half years. I can find people who want me, but never for anything more than a month or so. I'm smart, I'm empathetic, I'm ambitious, I'm independent, but I can't help that I care about people and I develop feelings for them. Ugh.
tl;dr: second time since the summer someone's left me to get back with their ex, I'm a place holder.
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self.bipolar
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When will it end? I feel worst when I wake up in the morning. I usually throw things around and break them. At times I feel hopeful but on most days I can not stop crying and have a hard time getting out of bed. I hate interacting with my family and usually avoid them. I think about suicide daily and the only thing stopping me is my religion. That maybe God has a plan for me but I’m starting to doubt that too.
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self.depression
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Feeling Increasingly Anxious and Panicked I’ve been a member of Reddit for a couple years now, but never posted. I found this section a few days ago and I can’t tell you guys how comforting it’s been to see other people talking about some of the same things I’ve been experiencing.
I’m writing tonight because I’m sitting up awake again with anxious thoughts. My anxiety flared up pretty good about 2 weeks ago when I got a sinus cold and I had issues with my asthma and sleeping because of the constant coughing and drainage. I actually had a physical in the meantime in which I talked briefly with my primary care doc about my anxiety and we settled on no Meds and that I should come back in March 2018 to check in.
Since then, I’ve gotten better on the sinuses and cough side but I’m still having lots of anxiety, panic attacks and physical symptoms. My family has been a great support system, especially my boyfriend, but increasingly I’ve felt like things are getting out of my control. Like I can’t distinguish between feeling anxiety and something being really wrong. For example, tonight I got into bed after having a decent day of not too much society and felt this weirdness wash over me. It was like a lightheaded, heart racing, slightly hard to breathe for about 4-5 mins. My boyfriend comforted me and then I felt better but as I started to set myself to go to bed i started feeling this tightness in my stomach, more heart racing, some pain in my shoulder and then I started belching a lot (like heart burn). I’ve had these symptoms off and on throughout this period. I keep telling myself that I don’t need to go to the ER or Urgent care because I managed to fall asleep for almost an hour but I am scared.
I don’t want to keep my bf up all night baby sitting me. I know that if something seriously were wrong, i would have known it by now but that doesn’t help me relax. I think my body is all tense from the stress of being all tensed up from the past 2 weeks and me being worked up over all my emotions.
I did message my doc 3 days ago about meds and she suggested a few but I really don’t want to go that route. I already am on a med that I think messes with my emotional state (birth control) and I feel like if I can just get myself to calm down fully I can really get this under control.
I think I’m also worrying a bit about returning to work full time next week after being off on vacation. I’ve worked there for almost 2 years, so it’s more anxiety about having an attack at work again that I can’t calm down from... I think I may just be in overdrive.
Anxiety runs in my family a bit and so I know people close to me that have successfully found ways to manage it, but in between the sleep anxiety and my increased generalized anxiety I just feel like it’s piling up. I think turning 30 earlier this month may be a factor for me as i found myself kind of dreading it, but was able to talk through it with my therapist.
I should also say I have a therapist on Talkspace, but she’s on vacation till 1/2/18, so I can’t talk this out with her on that till then...
I’m going to try and listen to this new Tolle audiobook I purchased to see if that’ll help settle me tonight.
Does anybody have any suggestions on what I should do? Or just some good thoughts?
I appreciate you all. Thanks!
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self.Anxiety
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Daddy Issues...(?) So when I was maybe 3-ish my mum decided to leave my father and take her kids with her. They had a really big fight at that moment and all I can remember from that day is my dad picking me up by my neck and throwing me.
Whenever we talk about him, my mum always says how abusive and violent he was when they were together and how he was a bad person. And I’m not saying that my mum was lying about that^, but the only other memories I have of him were good.
Like I remember once I was crying when I was getting a haircut and he would try to distract me and cheer me up and make me laugh and I remember I was sleeping in my parents’ bed and I remember him holding me and I felt so safe. I just wonder why he would suddenly treat me like I didn’t matter to him? Did he really not care about me at all? Why would he do that to his own son I just don’t get it and I can’t help but feel shitty about myself because of it. Like I shouldn’t care about his opinions because he was a shitty human being but he’s still my dad y’know? I just wanna know why. I thought I mattered to him but apparently not and that really messes me up inside. I know I was so young when it happened but it still hurts.
I don’t even know what he looks like but I’m still so messed up about something like this it’s so stupid. Why, out of all the memories I had of him, does my brain pick those ones? Like a bunch of good times when he was being a good dad and that last one of him treating my like I meant nothing to him just to fuck me over. It’s so fucked and I hate it, I hate myself and I hate my dad, but I still want him to love me what the fuck is wrong with me??
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self.offmychest
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My Stupidest manic Purchases Last year after inheriting some money (currently giving me the most aggitta):
A long-abandoned house with a collapsed floor "for a song, as an investment." And then a 30-foot boat in a similar situation for fun, "to live on near the house while it's restored."
I should have known I was manic when I thought I could "Fix up" just about anything. I only told my least stable friends about these right as they were happening. These are only some of my "projects" from that time.
I know less than nothing about boats. I know slightly more about houses. I didn't need either of these things. Now trying to sell the boat, and not sure if I should keep fixing up the house or just admit defeat and try to sell it.
Anybody have stories they wish they could turn back the clock on??
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self.bipolar
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Antidepressants- Nothing but numbing I have been on escitalopram 10 mg for a year and a half and it's messed me up. Don't feel happy or normal in any way. The only thing it does is totally numb me so I'm like a lifeless zombie. A shell of the person I was. I have no energy and when I go to counselling I can't even express my feelings properly cos I'm numb. I remember I first started it I felt it did work so I'm wondering if my body got used to it? I have no sex drive most of the time and always get sick when I drink alcohol so those are shit side effects too. If I miss a pill by mistake like I did on Saturday my emotions come back and I get extremely anxious tearful and suicidal to the point where I cant get out of bed but at least I can express what I'm actually feeling inside. My doc wont up the dosage or prescribe anything else but I'm in such a dark place. Has anybody had a similar experience?
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self.depression
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In a hotel for what was supposed to be a work trip/happy getaway, but now alone and depressed [deleted]
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self.depression
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My current low point. I've hit the point where I'm just sitting here refreshing my Reddit New page waiting for either someone to message me or something, I don't know what I'm expecting, I've had to deal with so much shit, I feel like my parents don't want me because I ask for too much, I feel like I'm going to fucking fail all of my exams, I feel like people don't want me around and only want to talk to me so I don't feel like a piece of shit but I do anyway so what's the point right? I don't have money or anything other than my stuffed toy and I feel like it won't be that way for long.
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self.depression
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I can't look people in the eyes I can't look people in the eyes because I have unnatural eye contact. I end up staring at them or look at them with such piercing vision that it makes them uneasy. I can't casual look at someone. I have a natural catatonic stare. Not entirely present in the real world. I don't even want medication I've been down that road. What should I do?
If your advise is "find out where your anxiety comes from" I will tell you. It comes from a blank mind. There is nothing on my mind. I'm a blank slate
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self.Anxiety
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I found out today that a lot of people don’t like me. And I’m really lonely. Just the way people treat me. It’s my fault. And I don’t know what to do about it.
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self.Anxiety
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Has anyone figure out a way to feel alive again during depression, even if only for a short period of time? I know many of you know the dead feeling that accompanies depression, and the lack of motivation to do anything you used to enjoy.
Has anyone found any activity that makes them feel alive again, even for a short time? For example, I'm thinking of trying out boxing, so the physical pain can mask my emotional pain, and the thrill might make me feel alive again. And thinking of that for some reason makes me feel like I might have the motivation to at least try it out (even if I don't have the motivation to continue).
Anything else people have tried?
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self.depression
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Thinking about running away. I’ve been considering skipping town. Taking every cent I have to my name and just running away. Leave friends, family, gf, school, all of it behind. And live or die. But never look back. It’s stupid, I know, and I think cutting all ties and running away is just a stupid selfish way to remove all the guilt I’d have about committing suicide..
Yet I’m contemplating it. Same as I’m contemplating suicide
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self.depression
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My life keeps getting worse and worse. Kind of a rant. Hello, I've been struggling with depression for almost all my life, I'm 22 years old. Recently i've had some terrible events in my life. Grandma and my uncle died the same week, my "best" friend left me and when i needed her the most my gf is gone somewhere far away. so i'm like alone, with no friends and literally with just a bottle of wine. I really hate holidays, they remind me of how much lonely i am. I feel like i'm going to rot away untill something bad happens to me. And nobody will give a shit about my absence. i just know it. last time we met with my gf she told me i was too much dependent on her. Like what the fuck? I HAVE NO ONE. What am i supposed to do? I'm not the kind of gal that makes friends out of nowhere like she does, nobody likes me actually. and i'm even surprised she loves me. Like how? i have no interesting qualities, i'm like depressed af and so close to doing something really bad and stupid. My best friend 2 weeks ago told me "i'm never going to give up on you". then he gave up on me. I don't even know why i'm still here, still trying to do something when literally no one not even my gf wants me around. I really feel torn apart, apathetic and very much depressed. I'm so desperate that i'm even trying to post something that won't even get any replies at all on reddit.
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self.depression
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Is it worth getting a fourth opinion? I posted a few days ago about how I was questioning my diagnosis and yadda yadda, but I'm now convinced that I was exaggerating when describing my symptoms to the therapist, pdoc, and neurologist that had initially diagnosed me. I now know after reading many others' experiences with the disorder that I have never actually experienced symptoms congruent with my diagnosis.
That said, would it be worth getting a fourth opinion even after what those other doctors said?
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self.bipolar
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holidays coming up makes me nervous to talk to my family i moved in with my current fiancé right after christmas and outside of court days and a few other occasions, i haven't talked to my family. i resent them.
i resent what they've raised me on, how they treated me, what they've done to my image of myself, etc. i can't talk to them, every time i talks to my mom she just says everything i'm doing wrong and at this point i can't find anything i'm doing right. i'm about to be kicked out and he just relapsed. i want nothing more than to just talk a fucking handful of oxy rn and wash if down with whiskey. i might seee my therapist again soon, but i don't even know if i'd be able to with insurance problems i'm having
i was just fired from my job, and lately i can only drink to feel normal. i just had3 beers and i'm about to find a bottle to drink. i'm just fucked up in the head rn and don't know what to do about it other than call a fucking suicide hotline again because i want to drive off a bridge
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self.SuicideWatch
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How should I tell my parents about my depression? Hey,
so a year ago I got diagnosed with depression.
The last two weeks everything got stronger and I got emotionless since I dont want to die this year, I wanted to talk with my parents about my depression but I dont know how I should do that.
Any advice?
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self.depression
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Am I worth it? Hello everybody (: . I am a high school student. Currently I'm 18 years old. I started to be religious at the age of 15 (an abrahamic religion- all abrahamic religions have 89.9% of the same rules). I decided to be religious cause it requires me to be positive- and I was negative every day of my adolescence life, until I decided to add faith in my life. But for my more positive attitude I had to sacrifice my romantic/sexual life: I couldn't talk to women in a certain way, I couldn't touch women in public etc. In my first days of high school at the age of 15 I denied to a 19 year-old female to be my girlfriend, and later two 16 year-olds. I told this to two of my buddies and they called me queer (as in gay). I stopped talking to these folks immediately and wish them no good. Now I understand that I am only an object to other people because I am practicing religion. I stopped having contact with almost everyone except my homosexual classmate- since we now had common label "QUEER LOSER". I never hung out with other religious abrahamists because they tend to radicalize everything and they are dangerious- I cloud live with the bad reputation I had as a "QUEER LOSER" but not a "EXTREMIST" tag cause that is not my intention I am a nursing school student and I want to save lives. I do my homework and I was proud of myself until now when I realized that I have thrown every teenagers dream in the bin. I feel like a loser and that I am odd. I am embarrassed of myself and recently I had to alter myself mentally. I wanted to be tough to protect myself. I started to watch prison documentaries and act the part. I also started to exercise more since my bullies used my weakness to ridicule me. I practiced talking like famous american criminals to scare people. I have built my reputation up and now they don't bully me cause otherwise they will have to face me with some good consequences. I have abandoned religion but I have no friends. I am always angry towards women and I can't control it. I don't want to be angry towards them. Also my school has abuse staff members all teachers are behaving as they want calling students stupid and making fun of them. One 17 year old girl attempted suicide. She had the luck that she didn't have any consequences from that dangerous attempt.
***I feel that I don't deserve to live because I denied romantic/sexual relationships with these females. I mean I am like so insane for doing that, am I not. I feel like I'm not accepted by society I feel buried. Everybody hates me because of that and thinks I'm stupid. I'm a fool. Do I deserve to exist? What do you think? (I feel like one a guy who gives away his golden castle to spend his time meditating in the mountains- so stupid why did you throw away all your good stuff?)
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety/Chronic Fatigue Hi everyone,
I was diagnosed with CFS/ME 2 years ago but I am wondering whether my symptoms might be due to severe stress/anxiety. I had put myself under an extreme amount of stress before I 'crashed.' I was bed bound for 3 months and it's been up and down since then. I've been anxious since I was about 6/7 and have only recently realised how bad mine really is. I have starting challenging my anxious thoughts within the last week (and wow are there a lot haha) and have found myself sleeping way better and physically being able to do more without crashing (M.E term for worsening symptoms.) My question is; can anxiety cause such severe fatigue? I literally have been bed bound for weeks/months at a time and not able to roll over and get water.. If anyone else has experienced this or has any knowledge i'd be massively grateful.
Thanks
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self.Anxiety
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Why do I always feel like such a piece of shit [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Question for people that finally have a job after being unemployed for so long due to depression.. When asked why there was a huge time period of unemployment, were you honest? How did you answer it?
I want to seriously try to make a change in my life, but feel like it won't be possible until I get a job. I'm just afraid of being asked why I was unemployed for so long. I'm also afraid of the interview part of the hiring process, interviews are all my anxiety triggers rolled into one.
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self.depression
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advice on readjusting sleeping pattern after depressive period Hi all. I'm looking for some practical advice.
I've been pretty depressed the past couple months since I quit my job in October. I'm also studying at Uni and have like 6 hours of contact time a week. I've really been struggling to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning and so my sleeping pattern has been destroyed.
My circadian rhythm is now set almost in reverse. I don't feel tired until 4/5 am in the morning and wake up around 3/4 pm in the afternoon. I've upped my meds (Seroquel) which used to help me sleep at night but it isn't really making much difference at the moment.
I'm desperate to try and re-adjust my pattern because it's making my low mood even worse. It gets dark early here in the winter so I have no exposure to sunlight. I'm running on a different time to everyone else so I get minimal socialisation. It's preventing me from passing out of my depressive phase big time.
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self.bipolar
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Leaving home Hi so, I wanted to ask if anyone of you had the experience of leaving your parents’ home to live alone and what did that do to your depression?
Is it good or will the anxiety of having your family hates you and having to pay the bills be too much to bear?
(A quick background: in my culture it’s frowned upon to live away from home before marriage.)
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self.depression
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Seriously considering ending it within the next few hours [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I lost my best friend, my lover, my everything [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I’m an abuser to my dad that doesn’t deserve to live anymore. I had a full-blown meltdown in my manufacturing class today when we were doing mechanical drafting, which brought back bad memories of my 8th grade shop teacher teaching the exact same thing and not helping.
Well fast forward today and my instructor was not helping either when I told him I was lost. He said, follow [star student]. Watching the best student in the class isn’t going to help me learn, nor is shouting out verbal instructions going to help, as I’m autistic and I learn with slow, written instructions.
I cried silently, broke my pencil 4 times, and walked out of the class after having suicidal thoughts by being frustrated. On the car ride home, I yelled at my dad and he said to stop abusing him.
I’m an abuser that doesn’t deserve to live anymore. I can’t change who I am and I’m incapable of empathy or love. So I’m pretty much fucked.
Now I’m afraid to show my face in class ever again. I need support. I used that texting crisis hotline but they only made me feel worse and just sent me some links to 211.
I got no friends or supportive family ever since I came out as transgender. Not even the transgender community supports me as I blew up on one friend, apologized sincerely, and he hasn’t spoken since. My gender therapist is of the view that my head’s pretty fucked up and I’m a terrible person.
See why I want to kill myself?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety prevents me from getting help I just tried for the... I don't know how many times.. and I couldn't. I couldn't sit in a waiting room full of people staring at me for hours. Before that I couldn't because there was no place for me. Before that I couldn't because I couldn't make a phone call. It looks like either you have to make those phone calls or wait forever. Also it makes me feel guilty to clog the system and make other people wait.
Meanwhile my depression, anxiety, self-hate and anger are spiraling out of control. I'm afraid if I get committed involuntarily I will fail to get my degree. I never had such a hard time holding myself together as I do now. The only thing I feel is chest pain. I really wish it was a heart attack, but it's just some psychosomatic shit. I'm so exhausted.
I hate those short random moments of intense anger, because if I give in to them I just start crying afterwards. It's a trap.
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self.Anxiety
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I just wasn’t good enough, regardless of all my arrogance and effort. For years, I’ve been working on getting my chess honors at high school. If I got it I would easily get a scholarship to university and some recognition from the school. I’ve been one of the 5 best players in the school since my first year in high school. Last year, I completed all the requirements to get honors, but I was too young to be awarded it. I had to wait for this year, my final year.
I practiced every single day. I solved puzzles and played better than ever before the season started.
But then I choked. I failed. I lost most of my matches and lost any chance of even being considered for the award. This was one of the only sources of self confidence I had. I’m not smart, I’m not good at sport and I have no friends. Now I don’t even have the one thing I thought I was good at.
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self.depression
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I'm falling behind in my accounting class and I think suicide is the best way out [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety and crushes Why the actual fuck do I start hating myself more when I have a crush? It's like I want to get to know this person so badly and hug them and cuddle them but at the same time I feel like they are better off not knowing me. Like me getting into their lives is going to make everything worse. And I start comparing myself to them and seeing how little I've done as compared to all the amazing things they've done. It's just so demoralising. I just want to go crawl into a hole and not leave until I die.
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self.Anxiety
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When you don’t even recognize yourself in the mirror, I have reached a new level of depression I didn’t think was possible, I used to fill the Void with music or video games, watching sports, you know typical hobbies, but for the last 2 months I Haven’t wanted to do anything. I don’t even turn the TV on anymore, just lay there in silence.
About 2 years ago, I found a tumblr page that my now ex girlfriend hid from me. It was a total private life. a bunch of postings about a guy she was seeing behind my back and had over a 3 year affair with... I still remember reading it like it was yesterday, her master plan in place to leave me and run off with this man. It crushed every part of me. She was at her parents for the weekend visiting when I found out ( more than likely at his house) I called her and confronted her she ignored all my attempts. Two days later she shows up with the cops and her mom to get her stuff, packed her stuff and “poof” was gone.... I had no choice but to claim bank ruptcy and loose my home and vehicle and everything.
Fast forward a year, I destroy my back in a work accident and need back surgery, that back surgery failed so I had another. Well that one failed too, now my current partner has zero interest in me sexually and for good reason as I am in constant chronic pain with sciatica and can barely please her like I use to,
So I lay here thinking about death a lot, or kind of that I’m just taking up space. I look at myself and wonder who this person?
Thanks if you read this far, hugs to anyone in this sub
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self.depression
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Does anyone know if these symptoms are from my med combo? (Xpost r/bipolar) I want to preface this by saying that I know I need to contact my psychiatrist, I am going to do that on Monday.
I don't really care about anything right now. I feel like I have no love or even sadness inside me, and no humor or personality at all (I used to be funny and joyful, I think). I feel like committing suicide, and I think of ways I'd do it, but l'm even disinterested in that.
I am sleeping a lot less than usual. I feel no excitement or joy for anything. I have paranoia and agitation, which crawls under my skin, which leads me to feel that I am experiencing a mixed episode. But this feels even more than that---like a mixed episode with a whole lot of me being a shell of a person.
That all being said, I was wondering if there's something in my med combo that could be causing me to become a shell of a person?
I’m currently taking:
* 750 mg Depakote
* 10 mg Cymbalta
* 800-1200 mg gabapentin
* 10 mg Buspar
Not looking for medical advice, just if anyone has any insight or experiences?
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self.bipolar
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I'm tired of staying here (32/M) And really, there's no need for me to. Everything has ended in failure.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anxiety often make you lose your appetite and make it harder to eat? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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My shitty brother always fucks thanksgiving I'm the oldest of 3, the middle one is a 21 year old fuck up. Was expelled from school in 7th grade for dealing. Never went back. Has diabetes, smokes newports like a chimney. Ex coke/heroine addict, still has all the ticks. Has the biggest chip on his shoulder for no reason. An overall miserable person. A leech on my mom and nieces lives that stays inside all day everyday, plays WoW, and smokes weed. Has never had a job for more than 6 months. Hasnt had a job in over 2 years. Won't get a job. Throws fits like a toddler. Destroys the house, appliances, our family. Best of all, he is completely protected by my saint of a mother, whom I do all I can to keep happy and make her life easier. So nothing happens. He keeps leeching off of everyone and bringing down the mood everywhere.
I moved out west 3 years ago with my best friend. Been friends since 8th grade, lived together for 6 years, basically brothers. Because of work, he couldn't follow through on his plans to go see his family for the holidays, so he and his girlfriend whom I am also close to are just sitting alone at home.
I'm a caring, outgoing guy, and typically my Mom is too. Since I am not hosting, I thought I would ask my Mom if they could come. There is plenty of food and she would even let strangers come eat with us. Hell, she even invited my sisters 3 month slampiece to come, but he chickened out from meeting the big scary older brother. (Me) She said, "(Friend) always gives your brother dirty looks and disagrees with his remarks, and it makes him feel stupid, so he can't come"
Problem is....he is stupid. And she knows it. She knew she pissed me off right when she said that. But I can't say anything or lash out, because I have to be the adult here. All the glances, the remarks, all those things are the things I WANT TO SAY. But I don't for my mothers sake. It was a relief to finally hear someone speak out to that dipshit, because otherwise he walks on water. I'm not even allowed to disagree. I have to leave if he starts to "heat up"
I think I need to get some help. I've been feeling this hate for 5 or 6 years atleast. Then my parents split because of him. And now he has a daughter who I adore. And he's wasting her time being a piece of shit.
Where do I go from here...what do I do?
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self.offmychest
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.. It's been 5 years i don't have a friend in real life.. Until i forget what the meaning of friend honestly.. I hate it when people talk about their friend or whatever about friend. I hate the word of "Friend". Its make me feel like im the loneliness person in this world.. I have a beautiful family, i can say they're a perfect family.. I've once told myself that i dont need a friend, my family is enough. They're my friend.. But its not same.. I've once told my mom that i want to travel with my friend.. But i dont even have a friend.. And i told myself.. "its okay to walk alone"
I know a lot of people as my "friend" but i only know their name.. Is that you call a "friend"? But all of them are on the internet. I chat with them very rarely. I mean, they're not really my friend.. I dont know how to say this, but i know you understand..
I don't know how to start a friendship!! I know its my fault!
Do you believe it? For this 5 years i just sit at home, i only out once a month..
And from now on, i dont care if you call it a friend or what or even not just about a friend.. I mean about everything.. i'll love myself and keep walking.. I dont care anymore!
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self.depression
|
Last year: This year I want to change everything. This time: I cant go on any longer like this. Fuck I dont know how much longer I can take it. I have an identity crisis, since August my mind tells me that I should die and now I think I shouldve killed myself in August, i feel overly overwhelmed and fearful. I feel like since August a part of my person slipped away. I feel like I shouldnt be here anymore and the more time passes the worse it gets. Guess what, I am terrified of 2018 and feel suicidal just thinking about it.
I FEEL TRAPPED IN LIFE, IN TIME, IT IS HORRIFYING! I DONT KNOW HOW I CAN EVEN CELEBRATE NEW YEARS FUCK
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My story! Do i need help? Hey guys,
So right now i have some small suicidial thoughts again. After i ignored them the last times, i decided to google about it this time.
I am 21 years old from germany so i Apologize when i cant articulate myself to well.
My life is pretty boring and i dont know how it should go on. I am studying Economics and i am done with the half pretty much. I have a mediocre high school degree (2.4).
Problem number 1 is that i dont know what i should do after i finished my college. I am afraid that i cant find the right job and cant live a happy life
Problen number 2 is that i cant find love from girls. I am a virgin and have no confidence course of that. I loved 3 girls in my life. The First Rejected me when i was 12 or so. The other one with 17 i never confessed. And the last one has a boyfriend that i know briefly ( Childhood friend so a no go).
My Family is Great, no real problems there.I have 2 very good Friends (15 years friendship) and all others i just get along with.
In my freetime i do smth with these 2 friends or i play videogames. Literally these games are one off the only Things that make me truly happy. When i play a game i put much effort in it, like an addiction.
So actually my life isnt to bad, but i have these small suicidal thoughs once in a while and i dont know how to behave. I Think about suicide as a way out of my problems, it would just end and i dont have to deal with these pointless life anymore.
As fast as these thoughts come they go again but i fear they might get stronger when i dont change.
I dont even know what i expect from this post, but it feels great to share my story and maybe someone has a answer off how i can become lucky again and dont go deeper into this depression spiral.
Sorry for the long post.
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self.depression
|
Is it all growth? The awkward feeling and shaky feeling is it all growth? Reading these posts in top all time of this subreddit makes me think when we feel awkward and anxious (in like 99% of cases which typically there isn’t a valid reason to be but we feel in our gut otherwise.....) that it’s growth?
I read it and said fuck it I messaged a few people I normally wouldn’t on my messenger and it felt so awkward but I don’t regret it. It does feel like growing. I’m inspired to do more awkward stuff now. How bad could it get right? And worst case I’ll learn
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why doesn't God just kill me I'm tired of waking up in the morning depressed and dealing with the same bullshit everyday. I'm tired of praying to God with no answer back. I'm tired if going to college everyday feeling like I don't belokng there( which I dont). I'm tired up crying myself to sleeping every single night. I'm just tired of living. What's the point? I mean we're going to die anyways. Why not just make it happen earlier.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Finally found a way to kill myself as painlessly as i can find. Killing myself somewhere between tonight-19th Dont know why I feel the need to drag others into this but I felt it needed to be somewhere
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How To Manage Your Long Term To-Do List I'm trying to get back on track with my life after some really disruptive anxiety and depression. I'm still in the thick of it and trying to get out. One thing I'm sure a lot of you have had to deal with is the fact that everything gets put on the back burner. You neglect relationships, put off making that phone call, disregard important meetings, etc.
One of the things that I've done is to write down all of those things in a to-do list. These are not daily errands, but more long term larger tasks. Everything from filing taxes to going for a dental check up. They've been swirling around my head for however long, so it makes sense to me to put them down on paper. It's daunting to look at, but it does help to have record of everything so I don't have to worry about what I'm forgetting.
So, for a few weeks, this helped. I managed to tick off the really easy things. I was motivated by a drive to not do the harder stuff. But now there's only harder stuff left. I tried thinking about rewards I could give myself for completing them, but I'd rather reward myself with not having the anxiety associated with doing them. Exposure to the previous anxiety related tasks did nothing to make me feel capable to deal with the other things.
Anybody got any tips for what I can try next?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I thought that finally I had found someone that was interested in me. I was wrong. apparently I am so fucked up I can't even realize multiple basic hints that she was not interested in me. even after she flat out blocked me I had to spend all of December desperately wondering what the fuck I should do. not that it mattered much. I was going to spend all of Christmas alone anyway. and all of new years eve.
I have spent so many years trying to improve myself. thinking that maybe I could change things in the future. well that day is here now and I am still just as fucked up inside of me. even tough I have become good pretending that Im not.
my life is here now. and it involves me spending most of the day alone, then stopping myself from crying so that I can get some sleep. what the fuck is the point
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Extremely tired of thinking about suicide (30m) I cry everyday. There is almost no day I don't think about suicide. It's going to be a year in this situation. In some way I know I won't kill myself ever, but to deal with these thoughts every day it's exhausting. I want to go to a therapist, but I'm not sure how much time I'm staying in this city. I started visiting one in my former city and then I had to move to this place before ending my therapy. I have shared my problems with a few friends, but they are not being very helpful. I can only call them once a week or so, and the truth is nobody wants to hear about depression. I have noticed some of them turn down the conversation when I start complaining or telling about my problems. I would like to trust on my family, but my parents are very anxious and they already had to deal with my sister's anorexia 3 years ago. So I feel guilty to not be ok and to cause them a new problem. I'm already 30 years old after all. I know I need more help than reddit, but the truth is it's here where I find some support.
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self.depression
|
Meeting my bipolar ex So today is the day I will meet my ex who threw me out of our home while raging manic roughly a year ago (after 14 years together).
Its hard to meet because I am confused and worried who I will meet. The nasty and arrogant man or the normal guy?
How shall I act? His behaviour in the end was appalling so I have all the reason to be angry but I don't want to scare him away..
He has reached out a few times the last year by email and asked to meet me but always cancelled the meeting. This is the only time he hasn't cancelled... and the meeting is 2 hour away.
Any advice on how to behave and what to talk about? (I would like him to get help but he refuses).
|
self.bipolar
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I like talking to people but I feel like they don't want to talk to me and I'm just wasting their time [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
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