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I’m done with this shit life. Panics attacks can goto hell Ex Boss fired me because I had a panic attack, I got denied employment insurance, my dryer just gave out. Went to turn on my tv and that didn’t come on.
I dunno what to too, Canadian government fucked me over big time. I’m going to loose everything I worked so hard form for the last 10 years (I’m 27), I don’t drink nor smoke. I saved up money for a rain day and all that is gone. I got 20$ in my account with a mortgage and a car payment coming up this Friday.
I’ve tried to apply to soooo many jobs but no one is hiring here. I can’t afford my anxiety medication, I have 4 pills left. And about 10 Ativan.
I had to sell my computer, all my rifle. Sold my extra tv I had in the bedroom. Only thing left to sell are my tools of the trade.
I can’t believe being with the same employer for 10 years and not to much as a goodbye.
I can’t sleep, I have lost 30 since November. I have my wife everything I had so she could enjoy Christmas, because we are having a baby and I’m trying not to stress her out.
I am just at my wits end, starting to get sucidial thoughts, to the point I had a gun to my head.... only thing stopped me was thinking about my wife and our unborn child. At the same time how the he’ll am I going to support my family.
Sorry for this long Rant, also on mobile.
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self.Anxiety
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Age 25 and I never thought I'd be this distanced from all of my childhood friends this quickly in life. Isolation has crept up on me and I panic every day feeling like I don't even know who I am anymore. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Does anyone else feel like they have no idea what you're doing at work and you're always afraid you'll get caught but somehow you keep getting by? I'm waiting for the day they pull my reports and tell me I'm doing them all wrong and fire me.
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self.offmychest
|
I've always been strict about my weight. today I saw my weight for the first time in 3 years. I DIDN'T FREAK OUT!! So, I have always monitored my weight like crazy. Before I used to go on the scale multiple times a day. I was anxious about my weight 24/7, and I was scared to eat anything unhealthy. (I have panic and anxiety disorder.) I didn't have anorexia, but I guess I developed orthorexia to myself for a short period of time. It changed in the autumn of 2013, when I fell off from my horse and broke my ankle. I had to rest all the time, and when I tried to move a bit more with the crutches, my hands were on blisters. Then I started gaining weight. I haven't bene overweight since my childhood, neither underweight. I had one disease for a while which caused my weight to go very low.
Today, I had to go and see a GP cause I might have some problems with my lungs. She weighed me and until that I always told the doctors not to tell me, but this one just said my weight out loud.. Which surprised me the most, is that I didn't freak out!!! I was totally fine with it for the first time in about 10 years! I know this might sound crazy to some of you, but also some of you maybe understand the feeling I had. It felt so amazing to just know how much I actually weigh and be happy about it! I have panicked and felt anxious about it for so long, but somehow I managed to accept it as it is.
Why I shared this is that I feel that I've had a personal victory. Oh boy if you knew how neurotic I was with my weight before, you would be astonished as well. I want to tell about this to other people suffering with their weights, so that everyone could be happy with themselves! Don't waste many years on doubting yourself, but just realise that each and everyone of you are perfect as who you are!
If anyone has similar problems than what I did, don't hesitate to contact me. I'll be happy to help if I can!
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self.Anxiety
|
I probably deserve to die. Everything I do is an annoyance, an inconvenience, an insult, or just straight terrible. I wish I could get hit by a bus sometimes.
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self.depression
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Tried kinda and didnt succeed Going through some shit. This past Fri. Or sat. (Not sure what day everything is still blurry) decided it was time. Went and got a gram of H never shot up before , did it all in one shot ate 2 xanny bars before hand . Dont even remember shooting it in my arm just remeber pulling back and seeing the blood and pushing the plunger. I didbthis at 7pm . i know this because the last text i sent out was around 7. Woke up the next day at 3pm needle in middle of the floor and im in the bed . dont know how but i lived. Still dealing w the same problems but i dont want to die anymore. It was selfish of me to even think about it... Now i just want to get better and move past this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Um, is it me? So, I finally got an appointment with a real psychiatrist two weeks ago and was diagnosed with bipolar (II). However, at the time I couldn't believe how the office was set up. You walked into a waiting room with two receptionist windows on the other side. The receptionists sat behind frosted glass windows that were closed, and in front of each was one of those bells. There were no signs specifying which window to go to or even saying "please ring bell for service". I must have stood there fidgeting for 3 or 4 minutes before finally knocking on the window lightly (no way was I gonna ring a bell in a quiet office). Then, while I was filling out my paperwork they decided to turn on music and it was the Braveheart soundtrack. So, I'm sitting there listening to the sountrack to a film where someone gets disembowled and it occurs to me that they can't be THAT stupid and they must have hidden cameras or something to see what their patients do in such an uncomfortable situation. Now, two weeks later I'm like, "um, you totally thought someone was watching you on a hidden camera". So, since I've never dealt with psychiatry before, was that being delusional, or is that honestly something plausible?
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self.bipolar
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Help Rewind back to last year when I was a happy boy. My 2 friends were my games and my brother. We had gone through a lot, and spent all our time together. We are both crazy gamers, and share so much in common. It was a dream relationship really. I didn't have meaningful friends at school, just a lot of acquaintances. I was completely satisfied with just being so close with him. We fought, but always made up and laughed the next day. God decided to take my brother a year ago this month, but left me. He took him in the most humiliating, painful way. I watched it all happen. It was so quick. Wow. I was so shook that the reality of how permanent this is didn't settle in for a while. I seemed to be ok for the first few months, despite those being the times i felt the most pain. It was like my heart was bleeding. I tried not thinking too deeply into it, and would escape into my video games, but everyone in my house began telling me i was changing. It's almost like they were blaming me for how I felt. I started shunning my other brother and dad who seemed to not be in the same pain i was in. Now, a few months later and I was forced to go to college. My relationship with my other brother has gone to shit. Here I don't speak with anyone unless I absolutely have to. I do call my mom at least 4 times a week, we stayed close. I'm already an introverted person, but now I have no interest of making any new relationships with anyone, in fact, the thought of it disgusts me. The first few weeks of college rolled by quickly. By october, I started having random episodes of intense crying from random. Started turning into loss of motivation, and eventually the loss of my will to live. I thought long and hard and concluded I didn't want to be alive. I could never say that before. I couldnt bring myself to go to class anymore. I started eating less and stopped working out. It was extremely hard, but I ended up telling my dad last week how i started going through a depression and was very embarrassed and ashamed that I could tell him such a thing. He told me word by word "suck it up". This really made me feel guilty. My dad told my other brother, and he said "don't use depression as an excuse to not do your responsibilities". I felt so guilty. How am I just supposed to suck it up. Am I weak, is that why I feel like this and they don't? Somehow after telling my dad, even after his disapproval, I feel much better. Now i make random appearances to class whenever I have the strength, but I feel like my life has gone to shit. I hate school, always have. I do have an associates degree that I did while i was in HS, so even though i am a freshman i have junior credits. Anyway, I wrote this post because it has been a year since my life has changed and I am feeling choked for options. Frustration. Confusion. Guilt. The only things I feel nowadays. The only way I stay sane is by immersing myself into my fantasies. I play videogames from wake to the middle hours of the night. They comfort me. I forget just how anxious, stressed, and worthless I am. I feel accomplished when I play, and I have something to wake up for. It is better than drugging myself, but idk how long i'll last before i become a homeless dropout. I'm already a semester's worth into debt under my name, and I won't even get credit for the classes. Sigh.
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self.depression
|
Has anyone ever felt so depressed that all you want to do is stop all productivity in your life.
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self.depression
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My friend talks like this all the time. I'm doing everything I can but we're only 17 and I can only do so much. Can anyone help with what I should be saying? I'm not sure if this type of post is allowed or if I should be in a different sub or something.
https://imgur.com/gallery/SMnci
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self.SuicideWatch
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Looking to get help By this I mean professional help ? If I go and tell a professional that there hasn't been a day in the last 5 months where I haven't thought about killing myself will I get prescribe something to help ? All I'm really looking for
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self.SuicideWatch
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Got My Diagnoses... Persistent Depressive Disorder (Intermittent Major Depressive Episodes, without current episode. "Early Onset", severe) and Factitious Disorder.
Great. Now everyone is going to think I'm lying just because I was wrong about something.
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self.depression
|
Why is everyone out to get me? Even my own mother likes to have a go at me for no reason. I went to bed at 6am last night because I had a really rough day and I couldn't fall asleep. I woke up at 2:30pm and she started shouting at me for no reason. She brought it up four separate times today making comments about me being stupid to stay up to that time even though she can't give me a reason why it's stupid. I'm fed up
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self.depression
|
Been battling a phobia of planes for 8+ years. After CBT, taking two short 40 minute flights in recent months, I take off for a 3 hour trip tomorrow morning. I’m very claustrophobic and have lots of anxiety far away from home.
Wish me luck.
Edit: thanks for your kind words. I’m descending into FL now. Had a few little episodes but breathing exercises, distractions and reading these comments helped bring me back. You guys are great.
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self.Anxiety
|
Double post First how's your relationship with your parents growing up?
My dad was always angry at me for not being who he wanted and not following HIS dreams and plans he had for me (he wanted me to go to trade school and become and automotive mechanic with a focus on diesel engines, I wanted a military career).
My mom was always focused on my little brother and step dad. Sisters are way older than me so they already had their lives when I was barely a teen.
Tldr; I raised my self.
I'm so depressed and having panic attacks. I have no insurance. My income was less than expected so I don't qualify for subsidies. Medical won't accept me since I'm above the poverty line.
Psychiatrist gave me a discount and only charged 150 for a 15 minute consultation.
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self.bipolar
|
Does anyone think sometimes their meds stop working after the first few days? I just started risperdal last week for voices. The first two days on it were miserable, I slept almost 20 hours, terrible nightmares, and was stupid depressed even worse than before. On the third day, though, I felt immensely better. More positive, less sweating the small stuff, depression had gone for the most part. Still had average amount of anxiety but it was less than before. Gradually after the first three to four days of feeling good, my mood gradually dropped. I’ve had an insatiable appetite, fogginess and the depression and anxiety have returned. I’ve also had two experiences hearing voices again. So my question is is this normal? I’ve felt like this with other medicines where it seems my meds I just started work and then abruptly stop working. Is this in my head? Or can medicines really stop working that quickly?
TL;DR
Do new medications you start, first work, and then sometimes abruptly stop working and revert to previous symptoms?
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self.bipolar
|
Want to die so badly. I’m 23 and I feel like I’m never going to be successful. No matter what i do i can never do anything right or i give up halfway through.
I have tried to kill myself a few times and both times i ended up in the psych ward. The worst part is I’m not crazy at all. I hated being around people with actual psychological problems. Not because I’m judgmental but my presence there meant that i was wasting space for someone who actually needed to be there.
Life is fucking trash its a garbage existence that i never agreed to. I wish i was never born so I wouldn’t have to do anything and more than anything i hope I don’t wake up after going to sleep.
I keep trying to work up the courage to do It, but every time i punk out at the end. On top of that i have no painless ways of doing It unless i jump off the balcony which i probably wouldn’t go through with. I wish i had Nembutal or a Gun. I would more than likely go through with It just because they’re both 99% effective.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I dont have emotions M here from Serbia. English is my 2nd language, but I hope that you will understand.
From the young age I got problem. I can't feel nothing. I was never happy, but I was never sad. I can feel happiness and sadness only for the moments.. When someone from family dies, I am like pff we will all die anyways who gives a fuck. When something good happens, I react in the same way.
I was born in a normal family. Parents rise me like a king. I am their only child, so I am the most important thing to them. Because of them I can't do suicide. Because my suicide would bring many more suicides.
I am attractive, that is not the problem. I have got about 40-50 gfs. But my longest relationship was one month. I just can't feel nothing toward a girls.
I got a lot of friends to. Everyone who knows me would never guess that I am feeling this way, this empty...
I am thinking about suicide 24/7. Basketball is the only thing that stops me to think about suicide. So a lot off my time I spend on r/nba.
One time I was so close to do it. I was sitting on top of the building ( I am not scared of hight, so my ideal suicide would be to jump from the building). At that moment my best friend got some feeling and he called me. He told me that he is feeling weird and asked me if I am ok. I told him everything and he came in few minutes. He saved my life there.. From that day he is the only person who knows about this and he is trying to help me out.
I know I can't do it because it would hurt to many people, I have feeling that my best friend would do suicide after that to. My parents would do suicide to. I just don't want to someone die because of me.
Because I can't die, I need to find another way. So is there any way to feel emotion. I would more like to be sad and depressed then to feel nothing.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Health anxiety I've had really bad anxiety about my health for a couple of months now. I keep checking my pulse constantly. I've checked it like 30 times today. I can't sleep on my left side anymore because my heart starts racing. I am only 14 and have taken EKG twice and both times they we're just normal. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so tired. I can't sleep because I think I'm going to die. My parents have suggested me to go talk to someone. I just feel like my problems are too stupid to talk about and aren't important.
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self.Anxiety
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I asked a girl out on tinder, I didn't think she would say yes. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Specific anxiety regarding Girls Hello everyone, I wanted to write because I think i have a special anxiety trigger that i want to get rid of. So I go to this school for many years and i am now a senior, so I know a lot of the people and they know me. I've been trying to fight by other anxieties, but I was wondering what you guys about this one in particular.
So for a long time between 8 and 12 years old, I would get kinda made fun off for liking this girl and I wasn't hiding it from the start. So I guess from that point, i aimed to try and keep who I like a secret, but this has gotten to an extreme, where I'm afraid of going up ans talking to a girl that I like and want to talk to, because I'm worried that someone will see me try and go for her. This is quite problematic for my senior year, where most people won't really care or notice, but the fear is quite strong and I don't know what to do about it. Has anyone here had something similar?
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self.Anxiety
|
Possibly repressed abuse? TW Hi guys. I'm 21 year old female and live a relatively normal life. I have some bad mental health and I have good days and bad days but I'm making through it in healthy ways. I've been talking to my best friend about recently about how I don't remember most of my childhood and the memories I do have, feel unreal - almost like a dream. This has always kind of bothered me and I always wondered why I blocked it out. I started to look up stuff about repressed memories and came across repressed sexual abuse. This made me remember that I had a friend when I was in elementary school. He was older than me by like maybe 3/4 years. We would watch porn together and he would get hard and masturbate in front of me. I honestly don't even know if anything more happened because I just can't remember. Is this still sexual abuse? I just have so many questions because I was INTENSELY anxious as a child and had anger issues. When I grew older and because sexually active, it took me a bit of time to become comfortable with stuff. Like even just kissing. I just felt so weird and uncomfortable and I didn't understand it at all.
I don't really know what I'm looking for as far as a response. Maybe just some thoughts on it? I just kind of wanted to tell someone, to see if there are others in this situation. Thank you for any response.
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self.Anxiety
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Feeling like I just can’t do this anymore. I’m not entirely sure what “this” is. It’s pretty much everything. I’m not at all suicidal. But I just feel overwhelmed and hopeless. Today’s worse than others. Firstly, I dread going to work, can’t stand being there, just makes me anxious and depressed. And I feel alone, I have my family, but no real friends anymore, no bf, and I find it hard to socialise as much as I want to. I always feel like people don’t like me or talk about me, I prefer to be alone but I want to connect with others and meet people just get bad anxiety and lose my words when in social situations. It does hold me back, because I fear things I should do everyday. And I just never seem to fit in like everyone else. I’m 21y/o and feel like I’m missing out. I’ve spoken to my GP and tried CBT on the NHS but it was pretty useless. I’ve been subscribed Propranolol for physical symptoms and Citalopram 10mg which I quit after a week cos I can’t renew my prescription for the next 2 months.
I really wanna know what I can do, hear other people’s stories and end this issue for good. I just want to feel like myself again.
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self.Anxiety
|
I’m not sure if I’m going to make it another week. I might try my 2nd suicide attempt next day off. I first attempted suicide this past Christmas Eve, and while I’ve been trying to give things time and be patient, I really can’t anymore.
I’ve been through several traumatic incidents throughout my life which have left me with severe depression, anxiety, and ptsd. I’ve also been going through a really rough breakup. I’m currently living with my parents, but have my own apartment which is filled with memories of my suicide attempt and living with my ex. Every time I try going to clean and organize it, I get soooo incredibly depressed that all I manage to do is cry for hours. I’ve asked my friends and mom to help me, but our schedules never link up so I’m stuck going there alone.
After being discharged from the hospital and mental facility, I was put on antidepressants and sent to a therapist. All of the doctors, psychiatrists, and psychologists I’ve seen have told me that because of the severity of my depression and ptsd, along with the amount and severity of all of my traumatic events, I’ll never truly be happy, and medication and therapy is only to keep me from being suicidal. I will always suffer and live with my emotional and mental pain.
This is all too much for me. I feel like I’m drowning and now that I’ve been out of the hospital for over a month, nobody cares anymore. Nobody asks how I’m doing or has time to see me. My own mother doesn’t care. I was gone for two entire days, and she didn’t even ask where I was. There are times where I’ll be in bed, crying my eyes out, for over 24 hours, and she doesn’t ask if I’m okay.
I feel like I’m just a burden now because everyone expects me to be fine by now. I’m tired of living this way. I just want to end things already. I feel like I know the right way to do it now so I won’t be found in time.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Scared of the future So I'm currently in my third semester of engineering in Germany and approaching exams which I somehow can't motivate myself to study for. Reason for that is that I was meant to do an internship of 3 months before the end of the third semester.
I really can't explain why I didn't do that internship. I guess it was partly that I can't really see myself working in engineering in the future.
However exams of the previous 2 semesters went quite well and and I was happy to see my parents happy. Nonetheless I had to tell them at the beginning of this third semester that I still didn't do the internshipI'm obliged to do. That's where I almost collapsed. Seeing my parents disappointed and sad. It hurts so much.
So I applied for an internship at 7 different locations but didn't get an answer ( aplied just 20 days before the day I aimed to start so I get why I didn't get a response).
I now have 3 exams in at the end of January but I don't know what to do regarding the internship.
My sister which is currently on vacation asked a friend of hers and managed to get me report papers that I had to fill out. Which is something you have to do while you do an internship. But I can't fill out 3 month of daily reports without doing the internship. The problem is that my parents don't know that so they still of the belief that I'm writing those reports and that I'll have them ready in two days after my sis is back.
I really don't know what to do. I'm scared of going to the professor who is responsible for the internships of my faculty because of the possibilty of him saying it's too late and that I will be thrown out of the uni.
I've never regretted something so bad. Why didn't I just look for internship a year ago. I've never wanted to go back in time so bad.
I'm gaining wheight so fast due to binge eating crap. I'll have to call my football coach and tell him I'm not coming anymore. I've never thought a mistake could impact your life so immensly. I don't know what to tell my parents on sunday when I have to show them my reports. I hope to one day be happy again
Tldr; Didn't do an internship I was obliged to do, dissapointed parents, let family down, feel mentally and physically weak
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self.depression
|
I put in my two weeks notice because my job is making me physically ill. I have a promising job opportunity - but nothing is concrete yet. Help. I work at a testing center. It's an interesting job at times, but the specifics of the job make it a living nightmare for someone who suffers from acute anxiety and panic disorder.
Most of the time the testing environment is quiet, however, my company has been experiencing a LOT of internet server issues over the past couple of months, making coming into work a living hell. When the servers go down, the Internet-delivered exams also go down. This is a recipe for disaster when anxious students and professionals are spending hundreds/thousands of dollars to take these exams and then I personally have to explain to them why I am not able to start their exams for them. Usually this results in verbal fights because people are understandably upset over taking time out of work/school to take their exams and then that shit happens.
On top of that - three employees have quit in the past two months. This job is supposed to be part time, but I find myself working 6/7 days a week to help cover shifts. I am called in on every single one of my days off. I am asked to work split shifts, and I am guilted into taking on extra work because our testing center cannot function without *certified* test administrators. Now that we've lost quite a few of our employees, I am panicked about the days I might need to call out sick.
The other day I had a severe panic attack the other day about all this. I called out of work and took myself to urgent care, but I put my other coworkers in a terrible position. My poor coworker had to work from 7 am to 8pm to cover for me.
About a week ago I had an AMAZING job interview for a great position at a local college. I got an email saying I've been chosen by the department; but not to put in my two weeks notice or take any other action until I've been approved by HR.
Today I had an awful panic attack about work again. I had to put in my two weeks notice. I am feeling extremely guilty because I know that they will have an AWFUL time trying to find coverage for my shifts; but at the same time I am concerned for my health and feel that they should be able to figure it out without relying entirely on me. I only make minimum wage!! They hired one new girl a few days ago, but she will need more time to train. Hopefully they can find more people to work there because I feel awful about putting them in a bad situation, but I'm dying slowly every day inside thinking about his job.
I guess my whole point is - should I be super worried about the company I'm leaving? I gave a proper 2 weeks notice, but I'm still left feeling like they need more time to figure it out. I'm also still scared that HR won't pass me for my new job opportunity (I have no reason to think this??), and I'm just worried that somehow this new job won't work out. Help.
Tl;dr: my company has a super awful retention rate and it's giving me daily panic attacks. I got a new job opportunity lined up, but I still haven't been officially offered the position because I have to pass through HR - even though I've already been selected by the department. Should I feel guilty for putting in a premature 2 weeks notice? I'll be putting the company in a difficult position scheduling-wise by leaving, but my mental health needs me to leave ASAP
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self.Anxiety
|
I’ve been angry and sad with no valid reason, and I just want to end it. Lately I’ve just been angry with everything in my life and it’s just too much. I’m sick of waking up and being pissed all day at NOTHING. Literally nothing in my life is worth being upset about yet I’m irrationally angry. I want to let it out but I don’t want to hurt the people in my life. So I’ll just remove the one thing I can control, me.
Hope the world is better without me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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think I need a new pdoc I've apparently had really good luck with pdocs over the last seven years. I've heard plenty of horror stories and read plenty here, but I've generally had good experiences. Until my current one. We kind of grate on each other, but whatever, I really just want my meds and to get out. She prescribed me a med. I read a little about it. After reading the Wikipedia article on it, I literally knew more than she did about it. She took notes as I told her about it and why I didn't think it was work. And, here's the kicker: I saw her notes, and she misspelled "allele." Like really badly: she wrote something like "elel." I had first-year biology as an undergrad, and even *I* know how to spell that word...and that was just shy of 20 years ago...hasn't she, like, studied a lot more biology than I have? So I have no confidence in her competency. I'm hoping my PCP can hook me up with meds until I can find a new pdoc. Fortunately, I have a little less than three months' worth, so I have plenty of time.
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self.bipolar
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Woke up this morning feeling particularly crap I've been feeling worse lately. Today more so. I'm so tired all the time. I don't want to do this anymore. How do people just live? I can't fathom it.
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self.depression
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heck yeah for blueberry ale! I (24/f) just lost my best friend (25/f) of nearly over 10 years to someone who admittedly is a lot more fun than me and im drowning out the hurt with some blueberry ale. Cheers lads! Just out of a long term relationship too and my only friend of the past few months is moving back to her hometown. Oh yeah, got laid off from my job too. Be glad youre not pathetic like me!
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self.depression
|
An internet stranger is contemplating suicide in a now-deleted post on r/anime. How would one dissuade them from actually doing it? Apprently it is not their first time posting something about suicide... Poster will not reply to my message/chat, and as somebody who kind of has not shaken personal demons myself, I feel unequipped to help the person. Help.
https://www.reddit.com/r/anime/comments/7ntfii/to_the_people_of_ranime/?st=JBYTV20K&sh=1dfc929a
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Struggling, I hate my birthday. So today’s my birthday and I’m all alone in my room depressed. I hate this day because it means one more birthday wish to finally be happy to not come true. I’ve been crying all day and want this day to pass. I was hoping I wasn’t going to have to be alone contemplating suicide all day.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I’m reaching my limit here... I’m SO SO fucking tired. I keep trying and trying but I’m just giving up...
I’m tired of me, I’m a failure in my parents eyes. They even talked about how my cousins are doing so much better than I am.. it’s starting to physically hurt now. I love them so much but I’ve became a burden for them. I don’t see a future anymore. I always thought my death with be by suicide before I was 25 years old ever since I was really little...
I don’t care what anyone says anymore. I tried getting better, I tried changing myself, I tried getting help. Everything has failed, everyone has treated me like shit or used me. I’m tired of being everyone’s trash. I’m tired of failing my parents and the sexual abuse is getting to me.... it’s making it hard for me to live.
If killed myself they won’t have to worry anymore. I don’t make them so disappointed in me. I won’t be a burden on them anymore. I’m useless in this world. I don’t know why I was even born. I’m tired I just want to sleep.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My boyfriend broke up with me and my childhood/only dog died in the same week. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I am not so sure I can take it anymore So, here I am again.
I am 15 and everything is in shambles. I am depressed and have social anxiety. My family is very much dysfunctional, both my parents are very mentally unstable and they are bankrupted. I am lonely, unpleasant looking, have a speech problem, heck - I am even starting to bald.
I cannot take it anymore. I do not foresee any chance of things getting better. I had promised myself that I would not try suicide, but I am not so sure I can take it anymore.
There is a strophe of a poem by William Blake that I am particularly fond of:
Every Night & every Morn
Some to Misery are Born
Every Morn and every Night
Some are Born to sweet delight
Some are Born to sweet delight
Some are Born to Endless Night
I hate to be a fatalist, but things are like they are.
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self.depression
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Please give me some perspective. I'm having a really rough time coping with Christmas this year. I am a 22 year old female and I feel so alone/lonely. I don't talk to my family (my dad was abusive and my mum an alcoholic and my happiness is better without them). I don't have many friends, I work 2 jobs and study at uni full time so social life non existent. Anyway, I just feel so helpless and I can't stop crying over the loneliness.
I just feel like this time of year is terrible and that I will never have my own family/happiness around this time of year.
Everyone thinks I'm a happy soul but my depression is terrible and the medication I take is losing it's effectiveness.
Please give me some perspective.
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self.depression
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I’m close to failing school. With exams coming in a couple of weeks. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I lost my best friend 6 months ago 6 months ago, I lost one of my really good friends to suicide. She was hard-of-hearing and a selective mute. I want to do something in her memory on her birthday (Jan 8th) The catch? I'm 15 and I want to do some sort of suicide line for the deaf/hard-of-hearing. What do you think? Can I pull it off or no?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone elses eyes go weird when they are anxious? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Does anyone else feel like they have no one to talk to because everyone in their life is part of the problem? Even with a girlfriend who I thought would help me she just adds to my problems and I've never felt so alone even with all these people around me
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self.depression
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Any ideas for breaking bad, anxiety induced habits? So, I have this bad habit of twirling the little baby hairs on the side of my head. I have long, curly hair, so I have these baby hairs that can’t really fit into a pony tail, so they’re just... there. I’ve had this habit every so often, but especially when I was younger, just when I was bored. But now, it’s turned into an anxiety habit that I can’t break this time.
I have pretty bad OCD, with lots of hand washing issues and fear of anything of the like. My best friend got me a puppy for Christmas, because I had wanted one for so long. He unknowingly had intestinal worms, so I had to deworm him. However, I found out about the worms that night when he was sleeping with me and I saw them crawling out of him, and I just freaked out.
From that point on, I couldn’t play with him. Couldn’t pet him. I didn’t want to look at him. Of course, he was dewormed and became healthy again, but I was so panicked that I had to get rid of him because it was unhealthy for me - I was having panic attacks in fear of these worms being throughout my apartment, even though I knew any worms were probably dead - and he deserved better. He deserved someone who would play with him and love on him, and I just couldn’t.
That was a month ago, and ever since then, I’ve been twirling my hair into knots and ripping them out. To the point where these knots are scattered all throughout my apartment and home (I’m on break from college). I’ve been trying to mess with a fidget spinner when I get the urge to twirl and rip, but that hasn’t helped.
Does anyone have any different ways that they’ve broken habits? I’m not pulling the hair out of my scalp, just the knots, so there’s no bald spots, but the ends look awful.
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self.Anxiety
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Antidepressants aren't working for me. Where do i go from here? I've been on antidepressants for around 4 years. I started with Paxil (which was a JOKE, I don't think they should prescribe that stuff to actual human beings...), then Lexapro, and finally, Zoloft, which I've been on for around 2 years. I was prescribed 150mg, which I decided was much to high a dose for me (I'm a 23 year old female, my weight when I was prescribed that dose was 100lbs.), so I just took 100mgs. I've been doing that for around a year.
I'm still a mess. I have no control over my emotions, my panic attacks and general anxiety lead me to ruin friendships and relationships, I have fits of rage that also lead me to say things I don't mean but obviously can't take back, which has made me a very lonely person because no one wants to be around someone like that. I don't blame them.
This past year I've done a lot of growing, I've realized how shitty of a person I am, how selfish I am and how I've ruined every good relationship and friendship in my life. I still have no confidence, I'm still constantly paranoid, I'm always worried about my family members dying or something. I live 400 miles away from my childhood home. I have no friends where I live. Everything has gotten worse since starting antidepressants. If I hadn't started them, my anxiety wouldn't have become a "thing" and everything would have been fine.
So this year, my goal is to get off antidepressants. So I'm going to do that. But where do I go from here? How do I take care of myself? How do I rebuild my life? How do I make friends? I've ruined so much of my life. I'm 23 and I feel like my life is over. I need advice.
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self.Anxiety
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Haven't posted in a while Unfortunately I am still alive. No changes though I'm still alone and no sign of that ever changing. This year has been another waste of existence. I've tried everything and now I don't know what to do. I can't take another year alone. I can't end up being 24 and alone. I wish I wasn't so undesirable.
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self.depression
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I'm choosing a career where I'll make much less money than the rest of my family and It's tearing me apart. Sorry for the long title, but IDK how best to say it. Background: I'm 20 years old and I'm currently in school for Computer Engineering. I have 5 siblings who are all either in school currently, or are working in very lucrative fields.
I hate the major I'm in, and would love nothing more than to switch into elementary education (the goal is to teach high school computer science). I'm torn on switching though, because I already feel looked down on by the rest of my family (including my parents) for not being as successful as they were at my age. I know that they love me and want what's best for me, but I know if I do what I really think will make me happy, I'll always get the same looks and "advice" from my parents. I'll always hear my parents say how it's "too bad" that I chose teaching when they don't know I'm in the next room. I'll always get offered "help" by my sister and her husband. I love you both and I appreciate the offer, but I don't want your fucking help. I just want you to treat me like a real person, and not treat me like I lost the lottery. I know the standard advice is to follow your dreams and do what you'll love, but I don't know if I can deal with my family judging my entire life like they know better!
(BTW, my dad is not included in this. My dad is the coolest guy you'll ever meet, and doesn't give a fuck about anything. I love my dad)
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self.offmychest
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Does this sound like anxiety to you guys? I'm petrified of my throat closing up and choking to death. Every day it's all that's on my mind. I don't enjoy the things I used to, I can't immerse myself in anything and I feel completely alone and like every day is my last...
Every time I eat (anything except stupidly basic stuff like Chicken and Rice) my throat goes tight and I feel like I can't breathe. I've convinced myself I am having an Anaphylactic reaction (never had one before - not allergic to anything or asthmatic to my knowledge) and over the last few weeks have lost a lot of weight due to this food aversion. Every few days I'll force myself to try something and it will always yield the same awful result - it's a living hell.
My question to you lovely people is this. Does this sound like it could all be anxiety related? I have a pretty stressful job, but I have this entire month off. And I have a promotion in January to reward all my hard work this year. Surely I'd have suffered from this earlier in the year when shit was hitting the fan if it was truly anxiety related?
Any help would be awesome. Thank you all.
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self.Anxiety
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I wanna make improvements to my life but... It's too much stress and so many things feel completely out of my control. I fuck up everything and now whenever I am about to do anything I feel like I will fucked it up and like I should just kill myself so I don't have to live with yet another failure.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I am ruining my College society. I became president because I thought it would be away to keep the group alive, it was a mistake. I have isolated myself for so long that I occasionally yell at myself negatively. It was worse I used to also attack myself with punches to the jaw and single hand choking. I feel scared when I reach out to anybody, advisers, fellow members, other societies like mine. I am ruining the group and there is only seven of us max. I am ruining chances for jobs, internships and partners because I am a coward. I am not antisocial, I am unsocial. There are five months left, ten meetings, and a convention feel unprepared for, but I can't resign.
What techniques help?
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self.Anxiety
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I feel like I'm so stable I could conquer the world This past week I've finally been feeling really good! Maybe it's because Ive been really busy. I've been working on a podcast, editing audio and composing new music for it, helping run a couple discord servers, making moving plans, and I feel ready to take on a job once I change my name and move! All thanks to the meds I've been religiously taking. You go Lithium!
Stability is really nice!
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self.bipolar
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Need someone to chat with about a problem. Anyone good with advice? Please feel free to message me.
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self.depression
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Sick of it I made a throwaway because I don’t want anyone I know seeing this. I’m sick of life right now. I’m a twin but I feel like I’m always in the shadow of my brother. He’s better looking, smarter and does everything better than me. He’s more social, better with girls, and a really great person overall. I feel worthless compared to him because it feels like he’s better version of me in every possible way. This has completely shattered my self confidence and made me very self conscious. I’m self conscious about my nose, the way I talk and lots of other things. I sometimes can’t even respond to people when I’m conversing with them because I get so anxious I freeze up. Whenever I talk to people it feels like I’m drowning and I get really anxious. I’m terrified of dying alone, terrified of being a disappointment to my parents and family members, I have trouble sleeping sometimes and I have been crying myself to sleep a lot lately. Someone please help me.
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self.depression
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I have no friends Literally no one. I'm not close to my family and everyone I try talking to eventually starts ignoring me. I guess I'm boring or something. Idk they don't even bother telling me why. People on this site sometimes offer to be friends but they just do it to feel like a better person. They end up ignoring me too. I just hate my life. I wish I never had to see anybody so I never felt jealous and could just live out the rest of my loser life alone.
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self.depression
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Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Nope. I'm... really unconvinced I'm a good or worthwhile person right now.
A hidden brute, a bully, a fiend hiding in my heart.
Settling itself around my heart an icy fist, the growing knowing I'll die alone.
The ones I love always leave me - even you.
I couldn't love me either, I don't blame you.
I felt our small family's every dream nearly fulfilled, part of an invincible unit forging its way into an ever brighter future.
Now it's all shattered and collapsed at our feet and I can't even begin to puzzle out how to put the pieces back together, I'm just a very lonely man with no home of his own and
so very many responsibilities.
Celibacy or selfish lovers. Undesired and undiscovered.
I just want so desperately for someone to say something kind to me. To pay me a compliment. To find me attractive. To touch me. To show some caring.
To tell me I'm wrong to feel all this self-hatred I'm feeling.
I'm hoping people will continue to invite me to things and reach out. I have this sense like I need to withdraw from anyone I care about - to stop inflicting myself on people.
I hope this trip does me good. I hope our daughter enjoys herself.
I hope her being there with me is a powerful enough deterrent against what I want to do.
I wish someone would take her so I could do it anyway.
I wish I didn't feel that.
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self.depression
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Just feeling really hopeless about the future and that all my struggles are for nothing To start: I've always been a shy kid, hell, to the point I couldn't talk to others or freeze when I want to say something. I do my best talking through the keyboard anymore because that way I can organize my thoughts; even though right now I'm just a jumbled mess and this will probably turn into word-vomit because I don't know where else to turn or what to do. Just a warning if this gets all over the place.
Just to clarify: I've posted onto r/legaladvice because I've been in a battle for over a year now with SSA about my disability. I'm in talks with a lawyer right now.
I've been depressed since I was about 13, possibly even younger. I just got off the phone with my lawyer, because my reconsideration for SSA got denied, and now I'm at the hearing stage, which can take up to a year according to what I was told. I took up a temp job that's full time because I have to pay the bills *somehow* and working 2 part time jobs, where one wasn't barely giving me hours and the other is approximately 20 hours wasn't cutting the mustard anymore.
The anxiety is taking over and feeding the depression, where I can barely get out of bed anymore or even want to, because 'What the hell is the point?' 'But you must! There's a bajillion things to do!' 'No, there's no real point'. I'm making mistakes at my job because my damn brain is in overdrive 24/7 and wants to perform to make it to the level of BEING a full-time employee. Right now I'm shaking and don't want to get up for the risk of falling because of my legs suddenly saying "Ha. Haha. Ha. Fuck you we're gonna stop working."
I feel like any ER doctors I've had up to this point aren't listening to what I have to say (Which I can understand, they're there to save my life, but aren't qualified to handle the level of hell my brain goes through), but without an appointment that takes forever and a day, and trying to get to a psych right away WITHOUT self-admittance to another crisis center is a Sisyphean task, except the boulder is time, my anxiety and depression, and when I finally make it, just like Sisyphus, it rolls away from me and goes careening out of control. I'm going to see another one, because I quite frankly am not sure what else to do at this point.
I've had a doctor look at me and go "I really should have you admitted right now based on what you're telling me" and that's what scares me also is that if I do go this route of seeing a doctor, they'll want to do that again.
I'm really scared I might be bipolar because of how sudden things just keep hitting me, it's like a tornado of emotions runs roughshod through me and leaves me beaten up, and when I finally get a chance to dust myself off, here it comes again.
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self.depression
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Does anyone else find that their Anxiety is worse when you wake up? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I think I'm rapid cycling but I feel like if I tell my pdoc he'd think I'm a hypochondriac.
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self.bipolar
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I obsessively lurk Reddit and it can't be healthy Wondering if anyone else finds themselves in this position. Occasionally I'll muster the energy to submit something (such as this post) but I usually end up creating new accounts out of the fear I'll be judged for my past thoughts. As a result I mostly just "lurk", and its developed to the point where I spend a large portion of my day staring into my phone or laptop just to have something to do as I usually don't feel comfortable alone in my head.
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self.Anxiety
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don’t want to enter 2018. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to go on with life anymore. I can’t continue living. I have no future. I will never be accepted by my family. I will never be able to get a job. I can’t afford to transition. I don’t want to live like this. Everyday I cut myself because I can’t stand living like this. It’s been this way for a long time. I just want it to end. I can’t get out of this. I can’t stop feeling this way but I cannot transition. I can’t afford it. And no one has and ever will accept me. I’m just s freak. I hate my body. I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to go buy what I need to do this. I don’t want to enter 2018. I can’t enter 2018. I’m
not a real girl. I’m not good enough for anyone. I’m just a fake and everyone knows it and I can’t live like that. I’m another statistic ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ but I don’t care.
bye
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self.SuicideWatch
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Citalopram (20mg) put me in a better mood but completely demotivated me? Any fix? Citalopram (20mg in the morning) is the first medicine I've taken that seems to have any positive effect on my mood, but at the same time it's made me quite apathetic and demotivated. Anyone else have a similar experience? Any way to fix the apathy/ the motivation problem? I'm thinking of cutting the dosage in half.
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self.depression
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Does depression ever go away? Im starting to get tired of fighting only for it to comeback, i feel like each time i push it, it push me back harder to knock me down and one day i wont be able to get back up.
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self.depression
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I did something selfless and I'm so proud of myself. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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What do you do when you feel hopeless and want to give up [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Wtf is wrong with me It feels like the universe thinks I am a placeholder until people can find something or someone better than who I am and what I can give.
How much longer am I supposed to keep fuxking trying for when there's nothing redeemable about me
Why why why why why why why
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self.SuicideWatch
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I got excluded again. A couple days ago before winter break i was lining up for lunch at school with my “friend” and another “friend” was behind me ( first one was in front of me) and one said to the other we should all ( and by that he means their friend group not me included ) meet up over break and the second one said okay. They were clearly excluding me as they didn’t look at me once and just ignored me.
It felt especially shitty because they talked about meeting someone who went to my middle school (but goes to a different high school until the next semester, then he’s going to transfer to my high school), who I actually considered to be my friend. Said friend never contacts me anymore and except when i contact him, and even then he doesn’t really converse with me, he just sort of answers me. I said we should hang out some time and he said ok, but we still haven’t done anything together. It sucks because i see on other kids stories hanging out with him. And when he comes to my school next semester i just know he’s going to pretty much ignore me. Feels bad man.
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self.depression
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really needing to get it out of my chest [deleted]
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self.depression
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I really messed up this time. I was listening to one of my playlists on Spotify that I listen to when I feel bad and the bio on it is really depressing, but I thought it was private so it was fine since none of my friends would be able to see it. Except, I didn't make it private so anyone could read it. My friend took a picture of it and asked me what is happening and long story short I basically was forced to vent to them.
My friend tried to help me but I guess I made it worse and they eventually ended up getting mad at me because of the horrible way I think about myself. I tried to explain how I am trying to help myself but it's hard since I'm just making it worse for myself and that made them even more upset with me. I wish I could go back and look at the conversation to see where it went wrong but it was over snapchat so its gone.
I really don't know what to do from here. That friend is the only person who I felt like would understand what is going on but they explicitly said that they don't. I don't have anyone else and I'm really scared. I've been thinking really irrationally lately but I've also been trying really hard to get better. I understand where my friend is coming from though because from the outside it does not seem like I'm trying (they said I have a "victim mentality") and I would probably get frustrated trying to help since I'm so confusing. *I* don't even understand what is happening in my own head.
All in all, I'm officially alone now, I lost the only person I could talk to about my issues. And I'm terrified of what I'm doing to myself. I have such a bad headache now, but this coming week is finals week for me (such horrible timing) and all I can do is distract myself with studying.
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self.depression
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My FWB said his ex-wife’s name during sex. It was barely audible and I had to think for a second if he actually did.
We both left our SO’s earlier this year. He was with her for 7 years. I was with my SO for five. Both of our SO’s cheated.
As the year went on, we got closer through supporting each other and listening.
It has been a beyond painful year. Seriously the pits. Everyday gets better, though.
But anyway. We started having sex. We do care for each other, but that’s it.
The thing is... when he said it I didn’t really mind. I mean, part of me wanted to laugh.
But I have to actively think to not scream out my ex’s name. I’m not really thinking about my ex, but I’m so used to it being his name. It was for five years.
My FWB may have been imagining his ex wife. I don’t know. I didn’t stop to ask because I didn’t really care. Because I’m having to think about the same thing.
Don’t. Say. His. Name.
In many ways we’ve helped each other get over our ex, but the difference between me and him is that he has kids. I’d say it’s been tougher on him because he wants his kids around a lot and he still has to coparent. I can tell he’s mostly grown from her by the way he talks by comparison. I’m at least not wiping away tears anymore.
But tonight I was a little shocked, but I’m laughing about it right now.
The last time I’ll have sex in this awful year, and the guy says the wrong name. LOL
Just defines my year.
And yeah, I’ll have sex with him again. It’s not bad sex. He’s not a bad guy. I don’t see a blooming romance, but he’s not a bad guy. I hope he finds happiness in someone else and I know he wishes the same for me.
It still does hurt to know who I thought was the love of my life cheated. It hurts at random. Some days I’m completely joyful. Then I’ll hear a song on the radio or go to an event my ex would like and wish he were here. And yeah, I’d love to just let go. Please don’t give that advice.
I deserved better and so does my FWB.
But I really hope he doesn’t say her name again next time. Lol. It’s still a bit of a turn off.
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self.offmychest
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So long, and thanks for all the fish. Does it hurt to disappear?
Is it fast or is it slow?
Does it happen in a spectacular burst of light, harrowing and wild and frenzied?
Does it happen as calmly as an exhaled breath, hushed and simple and unremarkable?
Will it feel cold, like shards of ice are in your blood, around your lungs, behind your eyes?
Will it feel warm, like dappled sunlight on your bare feet, your shoulders, the nape of your neck?
I wonder.
I used to wonder only a handful of times a year. It turned into every month, then every week, then every day. Now, every hour.
How easy, how simple it's going to be to just stop, to just let go, to just give up.
To close my eyes and sink down, down, deep down,
where it’s dark and quiet and calm,
where I can stay forever,
where I can finally go to a place that I belong.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone here with agoraphobia? Mine kicked in full force today. I just lost my job the other day. I have an interview today and was completely fine and excited for it. Then, out of NOWHERE today, my agoraphobia just smacked me in the face. My anxiety is so bad. My mind is telling me that I can't go and I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack as the time grows closer and if I DO go. I'm trying to pinpoint the reason why I think I can't go, but I can't figure it out. I can't figure out what I'm afraid of, exactly.
My agoraphobia comes and goes, and I haven't had it in almost a year. How do you deal with it? Or anxiety with jobs in general.
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self.Anxiety
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What is the difference between Psychotic Depression and bipolar disorder? Are they the same thing, what are the differences, how difficult is it it to distinguish the two and can they be comorbid or does the diagnosis of one eliminate the diagnosis of the other.
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self.bipolar
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Why living is nice? I don't know the reason right now. How come am I still alive when I just wanna fade and disappear? My existence doesn't matter even in my family. At first I bragged things like how good my relationship with my family was but then time pass by, the closeness drifting away and gone like a bubble. I go home every weekend because I stay in dormitory yet my existence still not noticeable. Am I too overreacting? I have a friend, two of them actually said that "Your presence doesn't matter anymore" yeah I guess that's why. Why do I need to study hard if the one I wanted the most to appreciate my hard work doesn't bother to even look at me? I just went home to bring my laundry, ask for my allowance and then go back to dormitory. Finals coming up and the most depressing part was the final departmental. I need a support, I need love, I need strength but then where they are? They didn't even call me, ask me if I'm okay or whatsoever. The mother of my dormmate called her just to ask "How are you? I just want to hear your voice, my daughter." then she hung it. The words I want to here to my family was that. She's so lucky to have a parents who calls her everyday just to hear her voice. How about me? I don't have any, even my 2 friends doesn't bother to chat me. Haha!! Who am I to be concerned by everyone? I am no one. A trash that should be eliminated in this world. Should I cut myself to divert my attention? Can I? 😊 haha. I know this is cliche but I don't know what to do anymore. Can I just die? Other people used me because I have money HAHA!! What a gold digger. They push themselves onto me just to have a piece of money. Haha! I am just like a thing that after you used up, you can just throw it away. What a nice life I have right now. Right? 😊
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self.depression
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Feeling really depressed tonight The past few days I’ve been feeling better but I’m thinking about suicide again. I just am really tired. I live away from my mom and we’re not in speaking terms right now so I can’t just go home. I live alone but haven’t gone to work in a month cause of my depression. I’m barely functioning. It’s hard and I’m tired and I just want a way out. I have a safety plan and all that bullshit but it never really helps. The person on the other line wouldn’t help me change my mind.
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self.depression
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If there's a god out there, he sure is one twisted psychopath I finally figured out what I want to be and achieve in life at an age at which it is already too late to do that. Seriously, what the fuck.
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self.depression
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What should I do with my time when I'm stuck with my mind all day? Nothing to do. I'm so lost right now. 19/F
• I'm struggling with depression, moderate social anxiety & bulimia
• I finished my course for the year in September and I am going to a new university next year
• I have 3 months of this way of living left
• I don't have my license
• unemployed
• I live in a very small country town with no volunteering opportunities, absolutely no job opportunities (not much point if there was anyway because I'm leaving in Feb) and no events.
• I have legitimately no friends at all where I live, my only real friend is in another state.
• Tried to hang out with one of the classmates I had in my course at uni this year that I know likes me, but she can't afford anything atm (we live an hour away) and I also feel as though she has anxiety too. I don't want to bother her a third time with asking, I know the answer will be the same. I talk to her occasionally, nothing at all close to being something to keep me afloat. She did message me out of the blue when a friend of hers attempted suicide, which I found touching since I knew she liked me as a person but never considered the fact she would message me of all people she knows.
• I spend my day waking up at 12 pm, having breakfast, small talk with my dad who always says "everyone gets depressed from time to time" whenever depression is brought up (which is rare, he also doesn't know about my purging tendencies) and our bonding is small talk or watching movies together, watching Netflix all day, talking to my sister when she gets home from school, getting into a bad fight with my sister, watching more tv shows, browse internet, binge eat on very unhealthy food despite the fact I eat healthy all day, feel like shit/guilty and purge in the shower, feel sick, go to bed, watch Netflix, fall asleep at 3-5 AM. Repeat.
• I want to go for walks because being outside makes me feel more human, but my bad social anxiety and overall General extremely low self esteem issues stop me every single time and I cannot bring myself to in fear of people I knew from high school seeing me exercising.
• I can't bring myself to bother exercising inside, I just don't have the motivation and walking is my favourite but as I said; I just cannot possibly bring myself to.
• I've tried mundane stuff like trying to write (I get frustrated by it these days), playing guitar (works for half an hour), read (can barely handle 10 minutes anymore) or cuddle pets (works, but I get frustrated and eventually go back to the same way of thinking.
• My eating disorder is all that I think about, my mind and I are at war. I want to be healthy but my eating disorder tells me to count calories (I've deleted the apps, but I have done this for so long I know the numbers of food I eat off the top of my head so I use my calculator), then binge hard on unhealthy food that makes me feel sick and guilty, then purge every single night. I feel stuck in this fucking cycle. I can't break it.
• I can't afford therapy. I can afford to get back on anti-depressants but the conversation with my dad is going to be awkward. I also will probably have panic attacks over having to talk about it to the doctor which I really don't want to anyway.
• I genuinely feel stuck in my mind. When there isn't anything else to do it's all I am stuck with and I hate it.
• I have a BMI of 24/25, I want to look cute before I go to the new uni but I honestly can't tell if my want to lose weight is coming from just my disorder, a healthy place or both. I also want to be healthy. But it's difficult when my mind tells me to be unhealthy just so I can drop weight and it seems I can hardly bring myself to stop counting calories which inevitably brings me to binge every night.
I just can't think of anything I can do. My sister refuses to go for walks with me. She knows my situiation. She also refuses even to simply sit outside with me. I have asked probably every day of this year for her to. It is almost always a no. She doesn't like to hang with me much in public which is where I need to be so I can have some sanity. I'm struggling to wade off my suicidal thoughts. I know I won't do it, but god I wish I would. This is not even living anymore. My chest is so hallow and I feel so stuck and frustrated and I don't even have the energy or care to cry anymore. I feel like I'm in my own personal limbo.
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self.depression
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Anybody else suicidal because of social anxiety? I hate it. I hate everything about it. I would be able to live such a great life if I werent affected by it, such a wasted life filled with regret and I can do nothing but watch as time goes by. I'm only 18 but god, I already hate it so much.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Grief Why hasn't the world stopped
Why don't people notice
Fuck making peace
Fuck being okay
I'm not.
You were my best friend
And now I'll never see you again
Fuck this shit
I'm tired
And I don't sleep
I want to believe
But I'm too caught in grief
To pray, why wasn't it me
If I see you in heaven
I know we will hold it down
Burning a blunt down
But what am I supposed to do now?
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self.offmychest
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I brought this to myself. Almost ALL of my friends cut off my relationship with them.And that's because I'm dating my friend's ex girlfriend and started going out less with them,even though I had his permission.He suddenly changed his mind.Nobody talks to me.Not at school,not anywhere.I don't know what to do anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing anymore I (16 M) just feel like I don’t know anything. I don’t know what I want to do, or what I’m going to do tomorrow, or what I’m doing in general. I don’t know my purpose, or what I want, or why I’m doing all this work. I don’t know who I am, what kind of person I am, what kind of person I want to be. I just feel so lost and confused right now. Does anyone have any advice of things to do or think about when having an existential crisis? This has been going on for a while and I mostly just try to distract myself, but then I just get depressed. I feel loneliness, depression, and anxiety, and those are the only feelings I can muster. I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy. I crave any feelings- including sadness- which is why I’m worried about getting addicted to drugs. My life is just a big confusing, busy, mess right now.
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self.depression
|
Just a bad few days (vent) I think it's the cold, being cooped up inside. I just feel like I'm going a little crazy. Coffee sorted me out yesterday but today, I just feel low.
I have dreams but I feel like they're beyond impossible. I just want to fly and I can't.
I'm so close to freedom it feels like, and yet I can't grasp it.
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self.depression
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Is it possible for an episode to be a one time thing? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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What does a panic attack feel like for you? Even though I've known that not everyone experiences panic attacks the same way for a long time, I've only recently thought about it more and I'm interested to see how other people feel so I can develop an understanding of them and identify them.
For me, I feel sick, like I'm going to vomit immediately. Also, wherever I am I need to get out, like when I'm in a building I just need to leave immediately. I also have such a strong sense of doom, I start crying, feel dizzy, shaky and out of breath.
What does it feel like for you?
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self.Anxiety
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Car window rolled up on my arm, will I be okay? I was at a drive through atm and accidentally put the cash in the “check” deposit and freaked out and reached for it but accidentally hit the window button and it squished my arm then went back down, I’m worried it did some internal bleeding..has this happened to anyone before? I got money back if your wondering (;
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self.Anxiety
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I’m going to end it all I want to die. The only difference if I died tomorrow morning or 70 years from now would be that I suffered for longer. I hate myself and I can’t see any point in living any longer. Everything in my life is going horribly and I know it won’t get any easier or better.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How to stop my parents from nagging I'm not good at hiding my emotions and my parents are good and figuring out when I'm not feeling good which is most of the time, I hate having them keep asking me if i'm okay or if anything's wrong and I just want them to stop so what I want to know is how can I stop them from asking me these annoyong questions?
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self.depression
|
Describe how it feels to have mixed episodes I'm new to bipolar and symptoms/types.
Just wanna be alert and learn from your experiences, since I have some pretty scary of my own (and I don't know how to describe it properly).
Thank you.
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self.bipolar
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I hate living because of my physical appearance and I'm only 16 years old. So I'm 16 years old, living abroad in a country that's majority European/white (mainly British) and Arab followed by Indians. I'm Indian myself, but I always get assumed to be some kind of Arab for some reason - I think I have some Iranian ancestry though but you'd have to a go back a while for that.
So, let me get it out of the way here, this is what I look like:
https://imgur.com/a/FGuQM
https://i.imgur.com/SE9jxxp.jpg
----------------
Now why do I hate my appearance?
1. I have a receding chin.
A receding chin is one of the least attractive things a man can have I just so happen to have that! Funny how great that isn't it.
2. I have a big and ugly nose.
Yeah - can you defend that?
3. I look Arab.
The majority of people can hardly tell the difference between an Indian and an Arab - in fact, more than anything, it's the Indians in these countries that get the "sandnigger" treatment, whereas Arabs are just taken to be "Spanish" or "Greek" or something.
Now I often MYSELF get confused for Greek, more commonly Arabic though, and sometimes people say "so you're half white, half what?"
----------
--------
It's not even with dating or girls, I don't have romantic feelings to people or anything. I'm sick and tired of having been born flawed and ugly like this, and feeling ugly.
I don't know why I even dislike being ugly, because it's not like I care about it possibly impacting my relationships or friendships or anything like that.
For a while, I seemed to forget about my physical appearance.
Is physical appearance just the elephant in the room?
Whenever people talk about physical appearance like this, and call themselves ugly, the number one point of advice they receive is "you're not even ugly."
What about the fact that, according to people I've asked IRL and the internet /r/amiugly and /b/ and even this subreddit, I am ugly?
What do I do then?
"Ugly" is literally an insult for things. I'm supposed to deal with the fact that my presentation is a literal insult?
I'm fuming.
/rant over
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self.SuicideWatch
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Do I have anxiety I kinda noticed over the last few years. Whenever I get upset/angry/sad, I can't breathe. My throat gets tight and I can barely speak. Its so annoying because I find myself unable to fight back or defend myself anymore. I can't control my tears. Normally before I cry my face/eyes will hurt but that hardly happens anymore.
And any emotion I DO feel comes in late usually because I'm trying to feel strong but my body gives up before I try. Like in the moment lets say someone insults me. For example every time i play my game i have to prove my gender but i cant so i get shit on all night. I get called so many things thats not true. I dont feel anything like annoyance or frustration in the moment like in my gut but my throat gets so tight. The emotion and my body are not in sync. And 20 mins later all the shit i was supposed to feel hits me late as shit.
Its not that I feel weak or anything. Its more like its hard to tell someone to go fuck themselves when you feel like you're asphyxiating or at least that's what it feels like. Like im to the point where i can see my hand knocking someones teeth out in my head or i beating someone to death in my head. I'm a physically weak person but I feel like I could beat the shit out of someone if they tried me and I couldn't say anything back.
I feel numb because I don't feel the emotion but I know I should? I feel like that doesn't make sense but I can't describe how I feel to the tee. Like to my core I do not feel the sadness or anger like weight bringing me down. I do not feel the words themselves slicing away at my soul.
If I get replies I will try to go further into detail with better wording I was trying to say what I was thinking before I lost my thoughts. Thank your reading if you managed to finish this
|
self.Anxiety
|
Lonely but not really This might be a slightly longer post. Doubt anyone will be bothered enough to read it, but here it goes. So, why am I even posting here? I have so much stuff other people don't, yet I'm fucked in the head and I don't appreciate it enough. See, I don't have any close friends in the country where I live. Not that I would consider close at least. I can't talk to anyone. Yet I have a shit ton of online friends. That's a good thing, right? I have a best friend and quite a few more really close friends and I've been through quite a lot with them. I'm still lonely as fuck. You know, when the night comes for them and they go to sleep? Yeah, when they do, I'm left all alone. And I don't blame them, obviously. Everyone sleeps. But after they go, I feel like they simply don't care. They would stay if they cared, no? No, you dickhead. They don't know you need them. See, I for some reason think they simply don't care, just because they are not here. Do they have to go somewhere? 'course, they don't care about you enough to talk to you. I know it's not true, but I can't.. accept it? I have no idea, honestly... I always get told I'm good-looking and very caring. Like very very. Yet I was never anyone's first choice. I really have no interest in going out and meeting someone from our country. People focus on the outer image too much and I guess I don't blame them for that. I do have people wanting to date me, but they're all the kind of.. bitchy girls? You know, the ones who bully everyone and shit? Yeah, that type. **I don't care about your looks. I don't give a single damn. I want you to care about me just as much as I care about you.** When it comes to online friends, I'm only friends with people who are amazing when it comes to their personality. Usually also suicidal or depressed. It seems like they all can find someone to date, be it IRL or over the internet. Like okay.. I'm literally nobody's first choice. There's simply not been a single person who'd choose me over everyone else. And that hurts because all I want is dump my affection onto someone. I don't even know whether I want someone to love me back, **I** want to love someone. No matter how many times they thank me for saving their lives or w/e, it's not going to change that no-one's going to be with me when I need it.
Before anything, I'll just say. I'm 16 and I'm a male. Who knows, maybe this is just me being a teen. But if this continues I won't be here to see what the future holds for me. I honestly don't want to keep on going if I can't share my life with someone to the full extent. My mom is.. well.. I spend hours working on something so other people can enjoy playing a certain game. I literally do so much work when it comes to administration it's fucking unreal. I also help my dad out with housework. The only thing she does? Complains we don't do anything and brags about just how much she does, even though she's a freaking couch potato. The only thing she does is going to work and even then she does less than me and my dad. My dad agrees with that. He's pissed to see her tell me off for doing something she's literally doing while she talks to me. It hurts every fucking time. I want to move out, but I got school. Speaking of which, high school is a pain in the ass because I'm popular, even though I'm not close with any of my classmates. Even if I wanted to learn shit, I can't. Teachers are refusing to actually teach us, so they just read from the book and tell us to make notes. And I know how it's supposed to work. This is literally them staring into the book and reading the entire class. Nothing else. You know, even with all the shit I have to put up with, I still believe having a SO would help me. I know I'm being naive. But I will never know if I don't find anyone. You know those videos on YT where a girl and a guy in a LDR meet up for the first time? Why can't I have that? To make things worse I could literally grab a gun and shoot myself. Or grab the knife that's next to me and slit my wrists. I also have a compartment filled with pills that are more than 10 years old. And there's a huge pile of them, all ranging in use. They are all prescriptions pills but from quite some time ago. There are also more recent ones. I also have an easy access to rivers and high buildings.
I often deal with suicidal people and I've been told I saved their lives on a few occasions. I'm always able to give them reasons to live, but when it comes to me, I can't find a single fucking reason. If anyone has read this message (even though I have no idea why would you), thank you. But I don't think I'll be around for much longer.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What helps you with your depression? I have mild depression and I hate feeling like this when I have to study 12+ hours a day. I feel like I am trapped inside my own mind. no where to run and hide
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self.depression
|
Looking forward to it. I'm completely, utterly and entirely at peace with the idea of dying. I don't even feel sad anymore, quite the opposite. The thought that soon I won't have to endure things any longer makes me almost giddy with joy. I think about suicide with the same happiness I used to feel shortly before my birthday as a kid.
It will be terrible for my family, I'm an only child and my parents love me like crazy. But no matter how much I love them I just can't live any longer. I have tried my best to explain my reasons in a long letter to them. It's hard to talk to them on the phone now, they are really looking forward to me coming back. My best friends keep saying things like, "when you come back home we'll have so much to talk about!", "let's meet up when you get back!", "we have to go to that place you like!". They text me almost daily, checking up on me and telling me about the stuff I'm missing at home. These are the only moments that make me feel something else than joy. If it makes any sense: it's sad to know I'm loved. I know that this knowledge should suffice to keep me alive. But every day I have to wake up next to him brings me closer to my goal, and every time he screams at me the peaceful feeling comes again. Just knowing that I will escape soon makes me so happy. Instead of crying and shaking like I used to, I just smile to myself knowing I am at least strong enough to make this decision. He makes me feel like nothing belongs to me anymore, not my possessions, not my body, not even my brain. But I guess my life still does, so I get to decide what to do with it. And that is just such a comforting thought.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Getting off my meds is really terrible right now. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I am super tired of comments and opinions by people on the internet. And I'm not talking about "hey, these are my political beliefs" or "this sure was fun" kinds of comments.
I am talking about EVERY TIME I go to a youtube video, there is a comment by some do nothing neckbeard that talks about how much better that artist's previous record was, or how they've sold out, or how much better they were before they got famous.
We get it man, everything sucks and nothing can be good because a lot of people like it. God damn.
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self.offmychest
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Made a post in breakups about how it's getting easier and it really isn't I guess I lied. I still feel really lost and down. My family and friends don't really bother with me. They either ignore me or give me grief. I'm talking to a girl which is helping me a little bit, but I kinda feel like she's not really interested in me. We haven't even gone on a date yet despite talking since the middle of December.
I don't know. I just feel really lonely still. I want a relationship so I feel wanted and needed by someone.
I'm still really suicidal, I'm still thinking about doing it. I don't care about anyone anymore. I hate my family and friends. I really do. I haven't got the strength to get hurt again.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
“Oh you’re depressed? That sucks man, you need to get therapy ASAP. Trust me, it helps.” Will you shut the fuck up? I can’t get fucking therapy. I can’t fucking stand this advice because it’s like a white-hot knife covered in salt being twisted deeper into a gaping and infected wound. I get it. You or people you know have been in a dark place and were helped by therapy. That’s great. But when I asked my parents for therapy, they said no. They said no. So stop telling me there is hope, that I will find happiness in the future. Stop fucking telling me to “get professional help.”
Everyone only makes things worse. Fuck living.
Edit: Although I don’t have the time or energy to respond to every comment, I read them, so thanks. Lots of different opinions on the issue and I’ll take them all into consideration.
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self.depression
|
Not able to leave the bed I just want to sleep forever. Don’t know what to do. Even showering seems like an overwhelming task. I don’t know how to escape this vicious circle. How do you manage to live through months like these? I’m not living, I’m just existing. That sucks. I often think “man you’re just 24 years old. How bad will it be when you turn 30 or 40??“
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self.depression
|
I Just Want to End It. The only reason I can’t is because I have 3 nephews & 6 nieces who have already been through hell. The last thing they need is an aunt who shot herself in the fucking face on top of everything else. I still think about it all the time; all the different ways I could do it. I have lost count of how many therapists I have been through or how many meds I’ve tried. Nothing works. Is this really all there is? I’ve been dealing with depression & anxiety since childhood. That’s all. I just wanted to shout it out somewhere. Thank you.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else experience this? if this is relevant i've been diagnosed with depersonalisation disorder and chronic depression by a medical professional. Not self-diagnosed.
I'd consider myself to be pretty normal, but ever since my suicidality has increased ive started doing weird things. Like having no filter and saying things that make no sense. I laugh when nothing is funny and throw things across the room impulsively.
I'm not even sad anymore, im resigned to my own fate. Im ready to die and its making me act strangely. Has anyone else experienced this?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just need some advice on something that causes much more apprehension than necessary. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Been doing dumb stuff after my boyfriend left It was because he was depressed and I'm fragile, so it was the best for both of us, while he tries to recover and I get my shit together. I've been going through some other things, including a mentally ill family member, and having him leave like that felt like the final nail in the coffin. When it was hard for me, having him around and having him hold me always made me feel better and now I don't even have that.
That night I cried in his apartment building for two hours, had my father come pick me up, and then cried myself to sleep. Woke up at dawn crying, and then I decided to go to a store and get cigarettes. It feels like I did that all on autopilot, and after smoking for the first time in my life, went and cried some more in a cafe.
And best of all, asked a male friend of mine to sleep with me, thinking it would be a good rebound. He's offered before, and I really hope he agrees because right now it feels like the only way I'm going to forget is to have a fling or something with someone else.
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self.offmychest
|
I've decided to shoot myself after New Years and I'm so happy about it! I feel so great about this decision! I've been suicidal before, but this is different. These urges used to scare me, like I wanted to die on some level, but mostly I didn't. Now it's all I want and any urge to live gets in the way. I came up with this plan months ago and I was unsure about it, but today something happened...
I got a call from the employment agency I had been working with. They don't want anything to do with me because I failed a drug test. I went to school for awhile, worked for years as an intern, and tutored students while in school. However, I also smoke weed, so I might as well be Hitler. As if what I do in my free time is any of their fucking business. Drinking on the job was casually mentioned during the interview (no fucking joke), but what I do is simply unacceptable.
I really didn't want the job I was trying to get and being turned down actually comes as a relief. I was trying to get it for the money alone and I secretly hoped they would just pick someone else. I hate the field I've chosen and now I can't even find gainful employment in it. As if I even wanted to work at tedious crap all day to survive this hell. Fuck it. Life is complete bullshit and I am done participating.
The United States might hate drugs, but they sure love guns. ($99 single shots at Walmart!) That will make suicide a breeze. God bless America, land of the "free".
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Low suspension hanging So, I am pretty sure suicide by low/no suspension hanging really isn't painful. I tested it out last night with a soft, padded rope, and it felt like I was simply falling asleep on a tingly night. Not going to lie, I felt amazingly peaceful, like I was simply drifting away. Which, is all I ever wanted,,
It only took a few seconds for me to pass out, and I woke up on the floor, which I guess was because I didn't tie the knot tight enough.
I'm left with a huge urge to do it again, and correctly this time, and finally just fucking die.
But I want to know the risks, I've heard brain damage could occur,, but how badly? If I wake up will I be able to live on? Will i be able to do it again?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
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