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Right now, there are only a few, but BTL plans to soon put them into mass |
production. This means Bulletin Board Systems throughout the U.S. will be |
teeming with these undercover agents. Two known NERD's (Neurologically |
Enhanced Robotic Detectives) are John Maxfield, a Detroit based android running |
a business called Board Scan; and Daniel Pasquale, a former officer of the law, |
located in California. |
How can we protect ourselves? Well, we're not quite sure, but our |
resident scientists are working on it now! |
More on this topic as it unfolds. |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
Latest news on Robot Clones: Rumor has it that N.E.R.D., John Maxfield |
has contracted a premature case of C-AIDS. If asked, he only denies, but an |
inside agent of ours at BTL said that he has been coming there for treatments. |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
FAMED PHREAK FATHERED BY FUZZIES |
"IT'S TRUE!", says a close friend of Scott Ellentuch (better known as |
Tuc) the sysop of RACS-III BBS, and former co-editor of Tap Magazine. "He |
doesn't like to talk about it, but he was infact raised by a pack of male |
Guinea Pigs!" |
At the tender age of three months old, the sibling Tuc was abandoned on |
a doorstep in Manhattan. Unfortunately for the tot, the owner of the house was |
an old druken man, who threw the poor baby into the trash before his wife got |
home and found it. Luckily, a pack of wandering Guinea Pigs were on the hunt |
for food, an happened upon the child. They then took him to their nesting in |
Central Park, and raised him like one of their own. |
One day, at the age of 10, Tuc was apprehended by the police after being |
caught shopplifting a bag of cedar chips at a local pet shop. It was decided |
in court that he was a not a criminal, but just misguided because of his fate. |
He was then put in an adoption home until taken in by the Ellentuch's. |
A crack reporter of ours decided to seek out these kindly rodents, and |
ask about any grievances they may have about little "Zippy" (the name given |
to him by his furry brothers). When questioned, they only replied with a |
squeek, and left a few dung pellets. I suppose that's their way of saying, |
"Come on back, Zip, we miss ya..." |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
NEW PHREAK KLASS CO-SYSOPED BY DEMON FROM HELL |
"IT'S TRUE!", says respected Demonologist, Dr. Jack Goff, from Hawaii |
State University, founder of the Academy of Supernatural Studies. "A modem |
user, who dons the handle 'The Executioner' has been possessed by an evil |
demon from the netherworld!" |
The Executioner, of New Jersey State, co-sysop of the revived Phreak |
Klass 2600 (ran by The Egyptian Lover), and the 'Leader' of the also-revived |
PhoneLine Phantoms, was "once a nice person", according to many of his old |
friends. What caused his plunge into the sadistic-egotistical world he now |
lives in? Black magick! |
His mother spoke with us. "Ever since he ate that bad can of Spaghettios, |
you know...the ones with the sliced franks, he hasn't been the same. |
Day-by-day, he gets worse-and-worse. It's like living with...a...a...monster!" |
At that point, the poor woman broke into tears. But, she couldn't have been |
more on the money if she were sitting on it! The truth is, while eating a plate |
of those Spaghettios (you know, the one's with the sliced franks in them), |
he was reading out of a book he bought the week before called "101 Ways to |
Summon a Demon". Thinking it was all a bunch of nonsense, he read one of the |
'prayers' aloud. From then on, the poor boy has been inhabited by the demon, |
Isuzu. |
Sorry to say, Dr. Goff claims this demon is a "one of a kind". So far, |
there are no known ways to Ex-orcise (pun intended) the dreaded Isuzu. "It's |
a shame for the lad...I guess we will have to put up with his sadistic, ego- |
tistical, obnoxious, rude, loud, ragging posts and attitudes for awhile." |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
SCIENTIFIC STUDIES SHOW... |
If you put an infinate number of Taran King's in a room for an infinate |
number of years, you probably still couldn't get Metal Shop Private to stay up |
for over 30 days. |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
LOD/H MEMBER DISMEMBERS MEMBERS |
"IT'S TRUE!" says an anonymous member of the 'Modem World', "Until now, |
it has been all hush-hush, but in reality, there are only a couple LOD/H |
members alive today...it's frightening, and it's hard to believe, yet it |
happened." |
Just what did happen you ask? What is the truth behind the drop-out of |
many LODers? How come the group has dwindled to a petty few? Murder! Yes, cold- |
blooded throat-slashing MURDER! "Who? How? Why? ", you say? Well, that's what I |
am here for, and that's what you're going to find out. |
In December of '86, an LOD/H meeting was held at The Mariott, in |
Philadelphia, in which all of the members had attended. During a discussion on |
the current MCI cracked-down, someone said, "Hey, let's pause this conver- |
sation for 30 minutes, 'Punky Brewster' is coming on." It was at this point |
that everyone in the room quieted, and The Videosmith stood up and threw a |
glass of Pink Lemonade at the TV. He then ran out of the room yelling "Fuck |
this shit! It all makes my balls itch!" Moments later he returned with a 17 |
inch machete, and a can of Raid. He had shaved his head, and was wearing a |
shirt that said, "Buckwheat say 'Drugs NOT O-Tay!'" He was obviously deranged. |
He proceded to spray everyone's hair with raid, until the can finally |
ran out. As the group stood in awe, he slashed all of them into tiny bite- |
size pieces...one by one. He then sat down, and watched the rest of Punky |
Brewster, and to this day, has no recollection of what had happened. Only |
those few, who had been at Denny's at the time, remained. |
Following this massacre, he was treated at the Jason Voorhees Institute |
for the Criminaly Insane, and is no longer a member of LOD/H. |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
Well, that about raps it up for the first issue of the Tabloid. There may |
be a few more in the future, I am not sure at this point right now. I hope you |
all enjoyed it, and that only AT&T, The Traveller, and Line Breaker were of- |
fended. |
I'd like to have some comments on how you felt about it, so let me know. |
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