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Time to do what? | To stop the killing. To stop the vampires. |
To stop the killing. To stop the vampires. | Let me get this straight. You're like, this greasy bum, and I have to go to the graveyard with you 'cause I'm chosen, and there's vampires. |
Let me get this straight. You're like, this greasy bum, and I have to go to the graveyard with you 'cause I'm chosen, and there's vampires. | Yes. |
Yes. | Does Elvis talk to you? Tell you to do things? Do you see spots? |
Does Elvis talk to you? Tell you to do things? Do you see spots? | I don't have time for your prattling. I have proof. You bear the mark. |
Oh, what the hell is wrong with you? You threw a knife at my head! | I had to test you. |
I had to test you. | But you threw a knife at my head! |
But you threw a knife at my head! | And you caught it! Only the chosen one could have done that. |
And you caught it! Only the chosen one could have done that. | I don't want to be the chosen one, okay? I don't want to spend the rest of my life chasing after vampires! I just want to graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Charlie Sheen and die. It may not sound too exciting to a sconehead like you, but I think it's swell. And then you come along... and... and then I... |
Nice conversationalist! Yeah, I felt 'em a little, but I ain't due for two weeks since you're so excited about the subject. | It's natural. A reaction to their presence, to the... unnaturalness of it. It's part of how you are able to track them. |
It's natural. A reaction to their presence, to the... unnaturalness of it. It's part of how you are able to track them. | Oh, wonderful. My secret weapon is - PMS. That's just great. Thanks for telling me. |
Oh, wonderful. My secret weapon is - PMS. That's just great. Thanks for telling me. | You'll get used to it. I'm more worried about your tactical mistakes. |
You'll get used to it. I'm more worried about your tactical mistakes. | You are such a wet. |
You are such a wet. | A what? |
A what? | A wet! Didn't I just kill that vampire? I think I did. I didn't see you killing any vampires. You were too busy playing 'Beat the Clock'. |
A wet! Didn't I just kill that vampire? I think I did. I didn't see you killing any vampires. You were too busy playing 'Beat the Clock'. | Don't start with me again. |
Don't start with me again. | Aren't I, like the chosen one? The one and only? The Grand High Poobah and doesn't that mean you have to be nice to me? Like, ever? |
Aren't I, like the chosen one? The one and only? The Grand High Poobah and doesn't that mean you have to be nice to me? Like, ever? | Buffy... |
Buffy... | And why are you always wearing black? It's so down. It's totally not your color. I don't think you have a color. |
And why are you always wearing black? It's so down. It's totally not your color. I don't think you have a color. | What do you want? Encouragement? 'Gosh, Buffy, you're so special, I just want to give you a great big hug, oh I'm just having a warm fuzzy.' |
What do you want? Encouragement? 'Gosh, Buffy, you're so special, I just want to give you a great big hug, oh I'm just having a warm fuzzy.' | Oh, fuck you! |
I want you to wear these on the road trip when you pitch. | What? |
What? | They'll fit snugly against your balls in such a wonderful way that you'll start seeing things differently--plus they'll remind you of me which is better than thinking about those nasty hitters. |
They'll fit snugly against your balls in such a wonderful way that you'll start seeing things differently--plus they'll remind you of me which is better than thinking about those nasty hitters. | Jesus, Annie, I don't know-- |
Jesus, Annie, I don't know-- | You've been pitching out of the wrong side of your brain. These'll help move things to the right side. |
You've been pitching out of the wrong side of your brain. These'll help move things to the right side. | Big League pitchers don't use these. |
Big League pitchers don't use these. | They did when they were in the Carolina League. |
I can't keep up with you. First you say sex is gonna make me a better pitcher--now no sex is gonna do it?! | It's all the same thing. |
You know what it feels like to throw a three hitter? We better not fuck. | Nuke?! |
Nuke?! | Just till I lose. |
Just till I lose. | Get over here. |
Get over here. | No. |
No. | Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh-- |
No! You're playing with my mind! | I'm trying to play with your body! |
I'm trying to play with your body! | I knew it--you're seducing me! |
I knew it--you're seducing me! | Of course I'm seducing you for Godsakes, and I'm doing a damn poor job of it-- Aren't I pretty? |
Of course I'm seducing you for Godsakes, and I'm doing a damn poor job of it-- Aren't I pretty? | I think you're real cute. |
I think you're real cute. | Cute?! I hate cute! Baby ducks are cute! I wanta be exotic and mysterious! |
Cute?! I hate cute! Baby ducks are cute! I wanta be exotic and mysterious! | You're exotic and mysterious and cute--that's why I better leave. |
Nuke! You got things all wrong! There's no relation between sex and baseball. Ask Crash. | I did. |
I did. | What'd he say? |
What'd he say? | He said if I gave in to you I'd start losing again. |
He said if I gave in to you I'd start losing again. | He did? |
He did? | I'll be back when we lose. |
Aw hell, let's have a quickie right here-- | --but you're father's in there! |
--but you're father's in there! | Crash says I gotta quit worrying about him--c'mon, honey, we got a lotta catching up to do-- |
I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, long foreplay, show tunes, and that the novels of Thomas Pynchon are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, I believe that there oughtta be a constitutional a... | Oh my... Don't leave... |
Oh my... Don't leave... | G'night. |
Your place or mine? | Despite my love of weird metaphysics and my rejection of most Judao-Christian ethics, I am, within the framework of a baseball season, monogamous. |
Despite my love of weird metaphysics and my rejection of most Judao-Christian ethics, I am, within the framework of a baseball season, monogamous. | Fact is you're afraid of meeting a guy like me 'cause It might be real so you sabotage it with some bullshit about commitment to a young boy you can boss around-- Great deal. You get to write self- indulgent little poems all winter about how hard it is to find a man even though you just sent him packing- So what do ... |
You're gorgeous, God damn it! From the moment I first saw you I knew I had to have you. I had to have you! | I want to be had. |
I want to be had. | I think of you and the "boy" all the time. |
I think of you and the "boy" all the time. | He won't make love to me anymore. |
He won't make love to me anymore. | And he's right! A ballplayer on a streak has to respect the streak. They don't happen very often. You know how hard this game is? If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid or because you're not getting laid or because you wore red silk panties--then you are! And I still think Thomas Pynchon is f... |
And he's right! A ballplayer on a streak has to respect the streak. They don't happen very often. You know how hard this game is? If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid or because you're not getting laid or because you wore red silk panties--then you are! And I still think Thomas Pynchon is f... | I want you desperately! |
God damn you--what is happening? Is there no man who'll have me? This is the weirdest season I ever saw--the Durham Bulls can't lose and I can't get laid! | You okay? |
I crossed the street--it was the New York Yankees spring training field--tok, tok, tok, was the sound of a ball hitting a bat-- and I sat in the warm bleachers to think about my mother... And I saw him. | Who? |
Who? | Thurman Munson. He was covered with dirt and he was fighting with everybody--it was beautiful ... And he called the ump a cocksucker and got thrown out of the game even though it was an exhibition! So I stayed in the bleachers all spring and gradually came to understand what's so great about baseball. |
Thurman Munson. He was covered with dirt and he was fighting with everybody--it was beautiful ... And he called the ump a cocksucker and got thrown out of the game even though it was an exhibition! So I stayed in the bleachers all spring and gradually came to understand what's so great about baseball. | What's so great about baseball? |
What's so great about baseball? | If you know where home plate is, then you know where 1st base is, and 2nd, and everything else-- 'cause they're always in the same place in relation to home. Don't you see? If you know where home plate is, then you know where everything else in the universe is! |
No ballplayer ever said "no" to a date with me. | Well shit, then, let's fuck. |
No, no, no. Put it back on and take it off slowly. | Jesus, what kinda broad are you? |
Jesus, what kinda broad are you? | When you know how to make love, you'll know how to pitch. Shh. I love this part. |
Good--then listen. "I sing the body electric. The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them--" | We gonna fuck or what? |
We gonna fuck or what? | Shh, shh... "They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them, and discorrupt them and charge them" |
What's that? | Chicken bone cross take the curse off this bat and bring me hits. |
Chicken bone cross take the curse off this bat and bring me hits. | You a God damn witch? |
You a God damn witch? | Yes. A switch hitting witch. Very common in Puerto Rico. |
Yes. A switch hitting witch. Very common in Puerto Rico. | Will that work for me? |
Will that work for me? | If you believe in Voodoo. |
If you believe in Voodoo. | I'm 0 for 16! Gimme some of that shit. |
I got him on the knee! | You missed him! |
You missed him! | God damn It, Jack, he still ain't touched the plate. |
Don't bump me. | It was a cocksucking call! |
It was a cocksucking call! | Did you call me a cocksucker? |
Did you call me a cocksucker? | No! I said It was a cock-sucking call and you can't run me for that! |
No! I said It was a cock-sucking call and you can't run me for that! | You missed the tag! |
You missed the tag! | You spit on me! |
You spit on me! | I didn't spit on you! |
I didn't spit on you! | You're in the wrong business, Jack--you're Sears-Roebuck material! |
You're in the wrong business, Jack--you're Sears-Roebuck material! | You're close, Crash, you want me to run you? I'll run you! |
You're close, Crash, you want me to run you? I'll run you! | You want me to call you a cocksucker?! |
You want me to call you a cocksucker?! | Try it! Go ahead. Call me a cocksucker! |
Try it! Go ahead. Call me a cocksucker! | Beg me! |
Beg me! | Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here! |
Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here! | Beg me again! |
Beg me again! | Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here! |
Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here! | You're a cocksucker! |
You're a cocksucker! | You're outta here! |
Why you shaking me off? | I wanta throw the heater to announce my presence with authority. |
I wanta throw the heater to announce my presence with authority. | "To announce your fucking presence with authority"? This guy's a first ball fastball hitter. He's looking for heat. |
"To announce your fucking presence with authority"? This guy's a first ball fastball hitter. He's looking for heat. | But he ain't seen my heat-- |
But he ain't seen my heat-- | Awright, meat, give him your heat. |
Guy hit the shit outta that one, eh? | Well, I held it like an egg. |
Well, I held it like an egg. | An' he scrambled the son of a bitch. Having fun yet? |
An' he scrambled the son of a bitch. Having fun yet? | I'm having a blast. God, that sucker teed off on it just like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball. |
I'm having a blast. God, that sucker teed off on it just like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball. | He did know. |
He did know. | How? |
How? | I told him. |
You could be one of those guys-- but you don't give a fuck, Meat. | God damn it I'm sick of you calling me "Meat"! You wanta step outside! |
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