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The Travises send me a picture once in a while. I asked them not to tell Angel anything about his mother. I don't want him knowing anything about me. I mean, I doubt if if anybody can love him like I do. But I had a feeling that day that a life with me wasn't a price my baby should pay. He'd have just grown up to be another Bobby or another Jim... another man like my father. I want a clean life for him. Least I had a hand in giving him that. You saved me that day. Only man in my life that ever did something nice for me. You need anything, Maddie? No. I appreciate your visiting me. If you get the time come back, if you can. - Bring your daughter. I'd love to meet her. - I will. You're gonna be all right. Time's up. I spend my time thinking of Angel. Praying he ain't thinking of me. I made this. You can put that down now if you like. There's a briefing scheduled for tomorrow morning. Oh, yes, I know. The mission involves three men ...who steal classified information and sell it to the highest bidder. In addition to the assignment you'll receive tomorrow morning, I want you to pay special attention to a certain member of the crew named Steven Wolfe. See that he's still alive after the mission is over. Is it likely to be difficult?
Yes. No one knows about this but you and me, and make sure it stays that way. Above all, Steven is never to know anything about this conversation or about me. So what's so special about Steven Wolfe? Does it matter? Well, I just feel like I have a right to ask. He's my son. Frederick Borsos, one of the most dangerous terrorists in the hemisphere. This is as close as we've been able to get, so far. He's anxious to get his hands on a design for something called the CM-12 chip. It's the latest in smart missile guidance systems. It was developed at the Zylar Corporation. The prototype and the accompanying installation disk are in their vault. These three men have been casing Zylar for the last week. They plan to steal the CM-12 and sell it to Borsos. Their names are Vincent Shirov, Marco Dean, and Steven Wolfe. Our plan is to get the chip first, offer it to the crew for a cut of their profit on the sale to Borsos. When the exchange takes place, we'll take them all, Borsos and the crew. - Won't the crew be able to detect a fake? - Yes. We'll provide the real one. With Zylar's cooperation? Interfacing with the corporation presents too many security risks. We'll steal the chip instead, and we'll return it as soon as the mission is over. Any questions? Then let's get started. Hey! Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Go back, go back. Again. There! She's new, that guard. How'd you like to breach her security, huh? Found the storm drain. Runs under the east wing. It's got collapsible bulkheads every fifty feet. This place is really getting on my nerves. You know, why don't we just knock it off for a while. Borsos wants the CM-12. He wants it within 24 hours, or he'll get someone else to get it for him. Let's knock it off, get a bite to eat. We'll start again tomorrow with clear heads, okay? I'm for that. Hey, can I get a cup of coffee? Yours? Hi. My name's Nikita. I think we can do some business. Having to do with the CM-12. - I'm sorry, my mistake. - Wait. What makes you think we're interested? Well, you've been casing the lab every night for the last week. Maybe you want the copy machines. I doubt it. Your telling me that a security guard has access? - I've got inside help on the inside. - Then why do you need us?
Cuz you've got access to the biggest buyers. We provide the merchandise, ...you provide the market. Sounds like a good plan. Meet us with your friend at our safehouse. - How do you know about us? - That doesn't matter. What matters is we all have a chance to walk away very rich. - You say you worked on the CM-12? - That's right. - What area? - Quality control. I don't like this. We don't need help. - Then why don't you have the chip? - He's a techno-freak. He gets caught, he's gonna finger us in a second. - I won't get caught. - What do you want for it? - Half of whatever you're getting. - You're out of your mind. - Do you want the CM-12 or don't you? - That cuts our shares in half. A sixth of something is a lot better than a third of nothing. Half the profit. Take it or leave it. - Well, I say we leave it. - How soon can you have it? - Tomorrow. - No. Tonight.
You said yourself the buyer needs the chip soon. We get it tonight or the deal is off. - No problem. - And she stays here. If you're not back by midnight, she'll be dead. But then why worry, right? It's no problem. Go. - Okay. - Good. Behave yourself. Good. Right. All right. They've given Michael until midnight to get the CM-12. No sweat. The plan is in place. All we have to do is execute. Good. They're keeping Nikita as insurance. - I'm in the sewer. - He's inside the perimeter. Personally, I don't think he's gonna make it back. You know, he... might just take that chip and boogie. Maybe, he ain't as devoted to you as you think. But just so you know... that if he doesn't make it back, ...I will see to it that you don't die lonely. You should be able to climb to the circuit room. - I'm in the circuit room.
- Dial 3, panel 46. Top terminal. Make sure you're grounded and stay away from the line trace. - Unit in place. - The vault is on the same level. He's inside the vault. The container is in the North wall. I see it. It's not there. The container's empty. Birkoff! Check the inventory database. Find out where it's been transferred. Are you in yet? I'm in. Security's tight. Every project has its own internal code. Here we go. I got it. It's being shipped for testing. Scheduled out on a military flight, two hours from now. - Maybe it's still at the loading dock. - I'll guide you. Go! I know it's cliché, but uh... I - I can't resist. What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? - Maybe I'm not such a nice girl. - Maybe not.
What about you? How did you end up in a place like this? I don't know. Things happen. You do what you do. I'll tell you one thing though. We better get a damn good price on that CM-12. Cause...? Because I don't like other people cutting in on my money. So in the end, you're all about the money? Yeah. I'm about money. Ching, ching! Michael wants a backup team. Four agents in place at the safehouse. If he fails, we have to be ready to take out the crew. Otherwise, we lose Nikita. There will be no backup. You like playing with your gun. Oughta be pretty clean by now. Yeah. - So you got big plans? - What do you mean? Well, for all this money you're so hot for, what are you gonna do with it? Why? - Curiosity. - Isn't that what killed the cat? Ah, but the cat had nine lives. There's a guy on the truck! - What?
- Not for long. What the-? Open the back, now. I can't say I think too much of your boyfriend, honey. He doesn't write, he doesn't call. I think he stood you up. - There's plenty of time left. - Oh, you're cool. I like that. In fact... I hate to see it go to waste. I mean, we got to do what we got to do. We might as well have a little fun first, right? - She's got ten more minutes. - The guy's not coming back. It's obvious. Maybe not, but we made a deal. Stick to it. - I don't take orders from you. - Dane, back off. Steven, I can handle this. Okay. Suit yourself. - So, you want to have some fun? - Oh, yeah. Ouch. You still think you got plenty of time? Hi. Problem? No problem.
Let's finish the deal. It's the CM-12, but we still need the disk for the installation codes. - Where is it? - Somewhere very safe. Call it our insurance policy. We'll bring it to the final sale. - In other words, you don't trust us. - In other words. Just let us know when the buyers get in touch. - How is he? - Oh, he's fine. I'm not asking about his health. I haven't seen him or communicated with him since he was seven years old. What's he like? He's cold, hard, ruthless, and greedy. You can be proud of him. Michael tells me there was no back up team. I felt confident he would succeed. He usually does. It's standard procedure to have a back up team. The mission is to get Borsos. If we take out the crew prematurely, it would ruin our chances. You were protecting Steven, even if it meant sacrificing me! What do you want me to do, Nikita? Pretend I value your life more than my son's? Steven and his friends are psychos. Borsos is probably worse. If you want me to along with this little gig, then I want something in return. - What? - I want out.
I want freedom. Ask for something else. Time off, money, anything. - I want a life. - What? The life you had before the Section? Living out on the streets, eating out of garbage cans? ! I've paid for your bloody deportment classes a hundred times over! If you want your son, then I want out! Nobody leaves the Section. You know that. - I'll do what I can to help you- - No, no, no! I want your word. A solemn promise you'll do whatever it takes to set me free. For your son's life. - You have my word. - Good. Good. And you have mine. I will be taking steps to protect myself. So if you double cross me, the last thing on this earth you want will happen. I'll see to it personally. Do you understand? Oh, we've trained you well, Nikita. I'm tired. - You wanted to see me? - Yes. I'm a little concerned about Nikita.
- In what way? - She seems a little distracted. Like there's something on her mind besides the mission. Keep an eye on her. See if something's going on we should know about, then report back. Of course. What do you want me to do, Nikita? Pretend I value your life more than my son's? Steven and his friends are psychos. Borsos is probably worse. If you want me to along with this little gig, then I want something in return. - What? - I want out. I just heard from the crew. They want to meet in an hour. Good. That means they've been contacted by the buyer. Do we have confirmation it's Borsos? No, but there's no reason to think it isn't. You make it clear: Borsos has to be at the transfer personally. - If he refuses? - See that he doesn't! So, you've heard from the buyer? He's sending a negotiator. Steven will meet him in an hour. - Why Steven? - He's our negotiator. - I'll go along. - No, thanks.
I want to make sure the price we hear is the price you get. I'll go. Do you have a problem with that? Take care, love. Our buyer's man will call in a few minutes ...and tell us where to meet. I'll do the talking, okay? Funny. I was gonna say I should do the talking. I've dealt with these people before. They're gonna be skittish just seeing you here. If you butt in, it may spook 'em. So, you got any guarantees against a double cross? - Got any suggestions? - Yes. Tell them the top man should make the buy personally. - How's that gonna help? - Well, if the boss' man's there, ...fireworks are a lot less likely. - You remind me of my father. Oh? How's that? He was a chess player. Always thinking a few moves ahead of everybody else. Not that I knew him really. I've seen pictures, letters. I remember little. - He's dead now? - That's the interesting question. According to the government he is. Personally, I don't believe it. You ever heard of Linh Sai?
It's a POW camp in Vietnam. Uh oh. Another MIA nutcase. It's where they kept the troublemakers, the- the men they couldn't control. - Your father was one of them? - Senior officer. Responsible for every man in that prison. The guards did everything they knew to break him down. Seven years. Seven years of hell. Out of 110 prisoners, not one of them broke, or gave up anything besides their name, rank, and serial number. - He kept them together. - He gave them pride. He... - He gave them purpose. - Then what happened? After the war ended, they released all the prisoners, except one. They kept him for revenge. Officially he was dead. Uncle Sam signed off, so as not to makes waves. So... I grew up without a father. And, I watched my mother die of a broken heart. My father's alive. I know it. I feel it. So, the money... You're gonna use it to find him, aren't you? I will bribe, I will beg, and I will kill, ...but I will find my father. I swear to God.
Show time. Borsos doesn't like third parties. Like I said, it's gotta be different this time. - How much do you want for the chip? - Ten million. You know Borsos would never pay that much. - He can flip it for twenty, maybe more. - We'll pay three. Six and that's it. CM-12 is the hottest thing on the market. It would be inconvenient for us to find another buyer, but, um... not impossible. - Borsos wouldn't like that. - Then he'll pay what we ask. One more thing... Borsos has to be there personally. - Now I know you're crazy. - Maybe, but those are the terms. Get down! - Son of a bitch! - Easy, easy. It was a misunderstanding! - Shut up and listen! - Calm down! Shut up and listen! The price is six million because Zylar will pay that much to get it back. Borsos goes to the meet because that's our way of making sure it stays friendly. I want you to tell Borsos exactly what I said. If you don't, I'll find you and I'll kill you. - Listen up, pal. She means business.
- I understand. The transfer takes place tomorrow night at ten o'clock. You confirm in one hour. You got that? - Got it. - Good. - You were listening. Did you hear him? - Yeah, I heard him. I do not understand how you could not want to talk to him, see him... - Nobody is asking you to understand. - You ought to tell him something. It doesn't have to be the truth, but something... Or let me tell him. You've given your word. I expect you to keep it. - But, why? - Nikita, you know what we do here. What we're up against. Nothing that happens to him in- in Vietnam or anyplace else would be half as dangerous for him as knowing who I am. It would make him a target for the rest of his life. - No one would find out. - No, but they would. He would try to communicate, try to contact me. And someplace, somewhere, the wrong people would find out, and I would never forgive myself. Is that it? Or, are you afraid he wouldn't forgive you if he knew you'd been alive all these years without telling him? The subject is closed, Nikita. Just keep him alive. Meet me after the mission.
I'll see to it that you're free of the Section forever. - And, now we have a briefing. - I don't know if I can keep him alive. What are you talking about? Well, when the shooting starts, Steven's gonna realize he's been betrayed, and if it comes to a choice between him and Michael... You're the one who wants to be free. Besides the three men on the crew, ...we expect Borsos to bring at least three of his own. Maybe more. The site is most exposed on ground level, so we'll approach from above. Review the tactical plan for tomorrow night. Good luck. - How are you feeling? - I'm fine. Why? - Keep your mind on the mission. - It is. It better be, because these people are gonna come down fighting, and I don't plan to take any prisoners. The installation codes. The CM-12 is accepting the codes. Okay, proceed. Team two in position. All teams are in position. - Ready to proceed. - Okay, proceed. - Damn it! You double crossed us! - Steven, no! I swear! - Then who? Who then, Nikita?
! - Must be Borsos! No. He's getting it too! It's Michael. - It's Michael! - No! Steven! Steven, no! Thanks. - You got everything? - Yes, sir. Okay, let's go. You coming? I'm just gonna chill for awhile. I feel like being alone. - You all right? - Yeah, I'm fine. - Good bye. - Bye, Michael. Get up. - What happened? - Shot you with a tranque dart. What? Who are you? What - What's going on here? Steven, don't ask any questions. Just go. - The money?
- Sorry. I'll find it another way. I guess I owe you a thanks. A good bye will do. And a good luck. - Good luck. - You, too. Steven, do not spend your life looking for ghosts. If your father was the man you think he was, he'd want more for you. Go live! Have a life. You too. I will... I will. I verified that Steven is safe. Thank you. I tried, Nikita, I really did. I pulled every string I could, but in the end, I just couldn't make it work. You'll have to stay in the Section. - I'm sure you gave it your all. - You might be surprised. I'd be downright shocked if you lifted a finger. You can ask for anything else and it's yours. - But, not your freedom. - I did warn you not to try this. Listen carefully. The night you came to my apartment, the second time, I made a digital recording. It's all on tape. Your face, your voice, your admission that Steven's your son.
Unless I make a phone call, that tape will be delivered to him within the hour. He'll know everything. - A tape? - Yes, that's right. You mean... this tape? Yes? Peg, I got a problem. Nails drying. For once, why couldn't it be pie cooling, bread baking? Divorce pending? Look, Al, I am up from noon till Oprah, solving this family's problems and now I'm tired. I need a nap. Kelly, come hold my hands up. Dad. Now, I'll listen to your problem if you help me with mine. Son, your problems are simple. Just avoid liquids past 9:00. Dad, I'm not 16 anymore, all right? Life is a little more complicated. I'm having serious girl trouble. Well, me too, Bud, and it's going to remain that way unless the couch suddenly develops a taste for human flesh. Dad, please. Now, lately I can't get any girl to go out with me. Oh, now, Bud, I find that hard to believe. I mean, look at you. But then again, looks aren't everything. Personality is important, so we'll skip that. So basically, you have nothing to offer a woman. Son, what you have to do is lower your standards.
I'm holding them. They're tiny birds. Yeah, so everyone, come up here and grab a finch. Come on. Come on, guys. You can watch them grow, right in front of your, uh, very own eyes. We have to keep them? You get to keep them. Why is this fun? I want to welcome you all to tonight's Highland Heights Soccer Organization parent's dinner. Every year, we like to take a little time for the coaches to come up here to tell us a little about their team. All right. How about I bring up someone who's new to coaching in this league, but is close to me? I love him like a son. Come on up, Phil. Come on, Phil. Come on, Philly. Come on. Go. Yes. Good guy. Good guy. Good to see you. Thanks, Dad. Uh, thanks, Janice. Hello, uh, I'm, uh, I'm Phil Weston. And you got balls! He's got vitamins.
That's very funny, Dad. Hilarious. So when I took over for Coach Benson... I hear he's a woman now. Ooh. Actually, uh, truth be told, no one knows where he is right now. A lot of people are concerned. I don't know why that's funny. God, I'm going to be honest, I... I didn't plan on speaking tonight. L... I was... I was actually hoping that my... my assistant coach would be here, uh, to kind of... Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce Mike Ditka. It's Mike Ditka, everyone! Say a few words. Thanks, Paul, thanks, everybody. It's... It's great to be here and, uh, gonna have a lot of fun tonight. Paul's got the Tigers on the move. All right! You live long enough, you see everything. Iron Mike and Aluminum Phil coaching the Tigers. I couldn't really hear you. My Super Bowl ring was making too much noise. Ooh. You see it, Dad? Right there, Dad. That was a great one. Read it and weep.
Ditka is a great coach, we understand that, but he's a football coach. Understand? Right. And we are still losing, Phil. Okay, I understand your concern about our record, but with me it's not about win-lose. We are going to win one game eventually, right? Well, we've had a rocky start, but with a strong team effort, we will win some I think. Remember, there's no "l" in team. But there is an "l" in win. There is an "l" in win. Hey, wait. Uh, parents, Honey. I didn't see you step up when the team was in need. Okay. Okay. Phil is not the greatest coach in the world, I'll give you that, but at least he's trying. I can defend myself, please. You think he enjoys losing week after week, in front of his own son? You're making it worse. You're making it worse. What's with the birds? That was weird. I've got my hands full with Hunter. I don't need a bird. Okay, you know what? You got me. All right? The finches were a bad idea.
And I wasn't going to say this, but I think some of them have salmonella. A fair amount, in fact. What? I may have inadvertently poisoned your children. You and I, we got something going. You know, maybe we can coach the Little League together. You really think that, huh? Yeah. Coach Ditka? Yes? Hi. Um, uh, our son, Byong Sun, he's very shy and I was just wondering... Sure. Yeah, I'd be glad to. Thank you so much. How do you spell that? It's, uh, Byong Sun. B - Y... I think I got it. Oh, oh, okay, Okay? Thank you. Bye-bye. Thanks, Phil. Yeah. They're great. Just a wonderful couple. Yeah. Bing Bong?
Hey, Philly. Yeah, Dad. Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you about this Ditka thing. I don't like it one bit. Yeah, well, he's right here. I'm not blind. What, are you trying to stick it to the old man? You go to my mortal enemy for help? That's no way to talk about your neighbor. Oh, yeah? He's right. I hated him from the first time I laid eyes on him. Maybe even before that, because I know you're the guy that wrote "Ditka sucks" on my driveway. What are you even doing here? You're just doing this to get under my skin. I'm glad you figured it out. And I'm getting under your skin. It's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. In your dreams. Ooh. Hey, why don't you take that pretty young wife of yours and go home? What did you call her? Hey guys, please. It's a compliment. I said she's lovely and she's young. She's the light of my life. You don't talk about her. I go home when I want. It's Mike Ditka.
He's big. Stay out of this. I'll tell you for the last time. Hit the road! Who's gonna make me? I am. You're acting like... Oh! I took a punch from Hall of Famer, Mike Ditka, and I did not go down. Sure, I wobbled a bit, but I did not go down. That Ditka has fists like a small truck. Come here. Okay. Yeah, you need to relax. Yeah. You should've seen the look on my dad's face. Priceless. 'Cause that punch was meant for him, that's what makes me feel so good. Okay, Phil, can we please not talk about your dad or Ditka tonight? Please? L... I... You just need to relax. You're right. Yeah. I'm sorry. Okay. Yeah, I just get... I'm in way over my head. I got punched in the face and it hurt.
Honey, come on, the kids need a real coach. Phil? Yeah? I love you. What does that have to do with anything? Okay. I quit. I give up. I give up. You go talk to Ditka. What for? He scares me. Have you ever looked into his eyes? Or at his hair? Well, he's been coaching for a long time. Share your feelings with him. You want me to share my feelings of inadequacy with Mike Ditka? Uh. What else can you do? Okay. You're right. You're right. You're always right. I'm sorry. I'll go talk to him. Okay? Okay. And, Phil... Yeah? Try not to cry in front of him.
Hey, hey, get a grip on yourself, okay? Man up. I can't. You better or else I'm gettin' out of here. Here, drink this coffee. I don't like coffee. It's a vasoconstrictor. Hey, coffee is the number one drink in the world. Everybody drinks it. Even little kids in Mexico drink coffee. Well, I'm not a little kid in Mexico. Okay? In fact, I don't know who I am. I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror, and you know what I saw? What? Nothing. My dad, he's something. I mean, I've never lived up to my dad's expectations. And to top it all off, I'm letting Sam down. My own son! Ah. Hey! Ow! Knock it off. I don't care about that. Why is everyone slapping me lately? Drink the coffee. It'll make you feel better. I don't... I don't like...
Um, uh, Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's good. Picks you up. It calms you down. It's the lifeblood that drives the dreams of champions. Oh. Now, you gotta tell me the problem, but if you cry, I'm out of here. L... I can't do it. I can't coach. I can't beat my old man. You can beat your dad! He's just a man. This coaching business, Paul, is tough stuff. Phil. Whatever. It's tough stuff. And when you lose, it all comes down on you. But listen, when you put it all together, and you win, it's the greatest feeling in the world. It's like winning the Super Bowl. Really? Yeah, really. Except, you saddled me with a bunch of stiffs. Take me 3 years to get these guys shaped up. I'm sorry. But I got a good idea. Maybe we take a shortcut, stick it to your old man real good. But in order to do that, we gotta get some fresh meat.
Okay. Keepa this up, you get nowhere in meat. Maria, the prosciutto. It's almost 10:00. Okay. Umberto! Hey, coach. Don't you worry, I got you bratwurst all ready. Hello. Beautiful. Grazie. Right. Are your nephews working today? Uh, si, in the back. Go back and take a look at these guys. Really? Yeah, yeah. Maria? Wow! Oh, they're terrific. Pretty impressive, huh? Yes! These kids are the right age, and they live in the district. Why not? Uh, excuse me, mister. Your... Your two nephews... Si? Uh, would... would they be interested in, uh, playing soccer? Massimo e Gian Piero?
Yeah. No, no, no, they not play soccer. They come here to apprentice me. Yeah. They have too much to learn. You know, English, meat. Too much. So they don't play soccer at all? They could learn from the American kids. Don't look like that to me. Please. They play with American kids, they... they pick up English. A lot... lot of famous athletes have learned English through sports. Sammy Sosa. Yeah. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Leon Spinks, uh, Elvis Costello. No. No. Björn Borg, Mark Spitz. Let the kids have some fun. Okay! Okay! Great. But remember. Meat first, then soccer. Yes! I told you. Every great thing in life starts with a brat.
Tigers, huddle up. Get in here. Come on. Get in here, guys. Come on. Everybody up. I know we're on a five-game losing streak, but I've got good news. Umberto. I've got two new players joining the team. Guys, Gian Piero and Massimo. Now, these boys are from Italy, okay? So they don't speak English that well. We're all gonna help them learn. They're apprentice butchers. Did the blacksmiths and the candlestick makers not make it? Shut up. I come back, pick up 5:00. 5:00. You got it. Okay. Prima what? Meat first. First! Ah, meat first. Yes, si. Yes, we love meat. You fellows, put these on. Yeah, try them on and, uh, take the field. Take-a-the-field. All right, come on!
Massimo! Gian Piero! Follow it. Wow! Crazy! Whoa. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yeah, team! New game plan. Get the ball to the Italians. Come on. Guys, bring it in. 2, 4, 6, 8, who do we appreciate? Generals! Generals! Yeah! I just got excited. Nice job. Nice job. Pizza at my house. We won, Dad. We finally won. We broke the Tiger curse. Yes. Okay, no biting, come on. Guys? Oh. Settle down.
Everyone. Get enough pizza? You definitely had enough candy, I can tell that. I just... Ow! That got me right in the nipple. Hey, guys, I just wanna say: "Congratulations on the Tigers' first victory!" There's more where that came from. That's right. You guys, you all played great. So did Gian Piero and Massimo who couldn't be here because: Meat comes first! Right. Got you a gift. Soccer Dan Instructional DVD. We're gonna keep learning as we go. This is where we're really gonna hone our skills. This will take us to the next level. Study it. Watch it. I only watched it for 5 minutes, I already... I already learned this. This is called "up and over." You can learn things like... Maybe back over here. Fakes left, fakes right, he shoots! What is going on in there? Guys, I said no playing soccer in the house. You did.
You said it a lot. Who did that? He did. He did! What? Nah! Kill Phil! Okay. Hey! All right! Goal! Why don't our two new players speak any English? Because they're Italian. You didn't know English that whole first year of your life. You had that made-up, like, goo-goo, gaa-gaa baby language. It was really irritating. Dad. You learned. What's that haunting aroma? I don't know. Hello. Hi, there. Hi, uh, my name is Phil. This is my son, Sam, and I... I'm brand new to coffee. So I don't want too much. Okay. Can you take half of the regular version of the coffee and mix it with half of the decaffeinated version? Or is that... is that just too weird a thing to ask for? Half-Caff?
Right. Half-Caff. Half-Caff. We're... We're gonna have a Half-Caff. We're gonna have Half-Caff. Yeah. And, a Half-Caff. That's me. Mother of Pearl! That is hot! That was hot. Should have waited for the jacket. Yeah. I know, I got too eager. Another Half-Caff. Another Half-Caff. Whoa! Whoa. Uh, you. Head. # Saturday morning # Okay. Go. # Who's going to play with me? # # Six in the morning, baby # OK. Foot on ball, and pull. Go.
OK. # I got a long long day ahead of me # Yeah! Tap. Pull. Okay? Tap and pull? Yes. # Saturday morning ## Mama mia. You're a real duffer, you know? # To lose your inhibition follow your intuition # I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy. How do you say "pizza" in Italian? Pizza. Pizza. How do you say "spaghetti?" Spaghetti. Italian is easy. Thank you. Hello. Hello. Where're you from? Australia. Oh, that's a lovely accent. Thank you. You still waiting for your coffee? Yes. Make sure you get one of these sleeves.
I burned myself last time. Thanks for the tip. It's something you don't know at first. # Let's get it started # Would you look at those Italians go? # Let's get it started # Oh, God, I'm in bad shape for 11. Worm! Worm! # Lose control, of body and soul # Okay, Bucky, it was, like, so awesome. You should have saw it. They just score and score and score and score and score and score and score. It was all too much, I had to take an Advil, and I'm like, I got, like, a headache almost. You should get some Italians on your team. It's like ba-boom! Ba-boom! Are... Are you guys getting any playing time, like... No. # Let's get it started, ha # # Let's get it started in here # # Let's get it started, ha # # Let's get it started in here # French Roast. Right. Guatemalan with a little Ethiopian. Absolutely. Aw. That's...
That's not coffee. That's my Russian vodka! Jack! No! Mom! UV index is very high today. I'm in the middle of a game, come on! I know. But your skin's more important. Mom, come on. Okay, go! Keep passing to the Italians! # Get it started, get it started # # Let's get it started, ha # # Let's get it started in here ## Go Tigers! # Spaghetti, marinara, lasagna ## Don't forget the meatballs! Hey, hey! Hey! Here we go! Hey. Are you serious? I'll go change in my car. Hurry up. Yeah. Hey, Philly. Smells good. Yeah. They're sirloin burgers.
No, I mean the air. What? Smells fresh. Yeah. What do you mean? Beautiful day. Yeah. Couldn't ask for a more beautiful day. I'm feeling fully alive. Tigers have won five in a row. The Italians and Ditka have won five in a row. We're 500. Yeah, we're 1,000. Look, Dad, I got a feeling we're gonna make it to the finals. You what? Gonna go where? Yeah. You're serious? Yeah, you bet I'm serious. Looks like somebody needs to be taken down a couple of notches. What is the law, Phil? Stop it, Dad. The law says: "You shall never beat the old man at anything." Just serve. Okay. Oh, foul, foul, foul! Come on! You a little klutzy? All right.
Okay, here we go. Pooh! Boom! Sorry. Huevos Rancheros. You wanna quit now? No, no, no, no, no. Oh! Olé! You okay? Serve it. Phil? Honey? Don't talk to me, it's father-son time! Come on. Somebody should be videotaping' this. Ooh. Who's your trainer? Stop talking and serve! Maniac. Now, I bury you. Bury you! Bury you! Bury you! Yeah. I'll see you inside. Okay. That's the best I've ever played against him. Yeah, it didn't grind the barbecue to a halt at all. Ow.
You made an excellent impression on your son, by the way. Hey, I... I almost had you. What do you call that again, when you almost win? Oh, yeah, yeah, losing. I'll tell you, Dad. The Tigers are making it to the finals. That ain't never gonna happen. Oh, yeah? Never. You wanna make a bet? Yeah. Yeah? Fine. Okay. We'll bet. I beat you, and you sell that break-even snake-oil stand of yours. And you're gonna come to work for me. No. No, I'm not gonna work for you. Uh? Oh. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Stop. Okay. But if I win... What? I get the Pelé ball. Do what? If I beat you in the finals,
Pelé ball. It's mine. I get it. Here comes Pelé. A little high and into the crowd. I got it! I got it! No. I got it. Yeah! Dad? What? Can I have the ball? For what? I caught it. Why? You get the next one. If I beat you in the finals, I get the Pelé ball. For the day. Forever. No way, Jose. No, sir. No way. All right. All right. Yeah? We got ourselves a bet, okay? All right. Good. Good.
Good. Yes. See you tomorrow. Okay. Good. Yeah, I think we're gonna have to cut you off, sir. Ooh. Not a chance. Gotta go feed the meter. Line 'em up. Your wife told me about the bet you made with your old man. Oh, yeah? What of it? I think maybe you're getting ahead of yourself. We played the easy part of our schedule. We gotta win five games in a row just to make the semifinals. So maybe you should... Maybe you should worry more about the team and less about the schedule. What? There's a lot of slothfulness going on. Slothfulness? Yeah. Let's go, Tigers. Bring it in. Bring it in, guys. Let's go. Grab some bench. Look how much time it takes for them to come in. Take a seat. Let's go.
Okay, guys. I had you come here early today, so we could talk about some sloppy play. It's come to my attention that lately, I've noticed a general, blatant disregard for our game plan. Ambrose. Yeah? I saw a bunch of nonsense out there. What was going through your head out there last week? I was breaking my back for you, Coach, because of my love for the game. Liar! Jack. What? Who are you supposed to pass the ball to? The Italians. Right. Alex, when? When I come in contact with the ball. The instant you come in contact with the ball. That's our strategy. It's one of the many plays we've worked out. It's the only play we've worked out. How many sarcastic pills did you take this morning? Coach, I'm just saying... "But, Coach..." You gotta lighten up. He started it. I seem to remember a certain little boy who was very sad when he lost. And that same little boy was very happy when he won. I'm doing this for you, okay? So that we can have fun. Right?
Fun. Okay. Yeah. Hey, you're... you're late. Wh-Wh-Where've you been? Uh, there's a problem. Wait, where's Gian Piero and Massimo? We were supposed to pick them up. Hey, what's going on? Where are my Italians? Huh? I can't afford to lose this one, Umberto. Meat is now. Me and the boy will work all day to get this order done. It's a big, big order. No, no, no. I... Believe me, I know. Meat comes first. Sure. I've only heard it about a thousand times from you. I can't talk to you. Here, you take this. I'm really getting sick and tired of "the meat comes first." I'm sorry. # Happy birthday ## Quiet please! Shut up! I'm on the phone. You're not the only one in the park.
You know, at a certain point, these kids just wanna play soccer. They don't care about the meat. Uh, do I have to say that? 'Cause that's gonna cause some kind of a dramatic situation here. What are you saying, eh? What? Hello? Umberto? Umberto? All right, guys. We got 25 minutes and a lot of beef to cut. Let's get to it. Watch me, boys, I'm goin' in! Whoa! We made it. Sorry we're late. Hey, Stew. Hey. Uh. Listen. One of... One of my guys didn't bring his socks. So, we forfeit. You hear that, Vultures, we forfeit. Let's go. Come on! Run! Hurry, run quickly! Run! Run to the car!
Run! Don't look back! Run! We won! We won. Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? Vultures. Vultures. Yeah! Good job, guys. Phil, it's freezing out here. It's not Phil. It's Coach Weston. And it's not freezing out here. Then why did you build a fire? Because fire is the stuff of warriors. And that's what we are, right? Warriors? The Hopi Indians called fire... Coach, what are we doing out here, anyway? We're bonding. We're becoming a team. Surviving the elements, here in the backyard. Coach, did you order the pizzas yet? In due time, Connor. In due time. However, I want all of you to know if the pizzas don't arrive, I've already made the decision that we will eat Byong Sun. All right. We're not gonna eat him.
But he does look delicious, you have to admit, right, if we had to eat someone? Dad, you're getting a little creepy. I know, let's all bay at the moon. What? You know, howl like a wolf. Shut up out there! You shut up in there! Come on, everyone. Bay at the moon. Ooh, I don't know. The Irish Cream sounds good, huh? What's that? Uh, it's cream and it's, uh, it's Irish. Hurry up and order. Excuse me. Thank you. How about a smoothie? What's in that? Smoothie's a juice drink. We want coffee. Buddy, relax. No, you relax. I'm a regular here. This line needs to move. I beg your pardon. Do you have scones? Tall, non fat, double latte... Sir, you're at the back of the line. I recognize that! Cut it out or you're out of here.
You can't kick me out! You know, you're... you're really invading my ear space. I'm a frequent coffee drinker. I'm part of the club. I have a card. Do you have a card? Do you have a card? No, I don't have a card. Does anyone here have a card? We don't have frequent drinker cards. That's a video club card. Zip it there, Sporty Spice. Are we doing this? Is this happening now? Yeah. Wanna go? Great. I'd love to. Let's do it. Come on. You're hurting me! You're hurting me! What is wrong with you, Derrick? I thought we were friends! My name is Andy! Your name is Liar, 'cause you're telling lies. You know what the odds are I will never come back here again? There's a good chance of that! That's a chance we'll have to take.
Okay, if that's how you want to play it. Okay. I am disappointed! Good. Get the door! Get the... Fine! Tigers, bring it in. Let's go. Let's go, guys. All right, Tigers. Let's get ready to play, huh? I don't wanna see any laziness there, okay? We win this, we're in the finals. If we get a big lead, we gotta pummel these guys. We gotta pummel them at all costs. Dominate and hammer them. I want you to play dirty, if you have to, but don't get caught. Byong Sun, stay low, okay? That's easy for you. Just chop block them in the back of the knee. That'll work well. Ambrose, you're big. Don't be afraid to throw the elbow. If you break someone's collarbone, that's a good thing. That's what the medic's for. Otherwise, he's just sitting around, all right? You hear me? Hey, Phil. L...
I... I don't think that's a very good attitude. You can't talk about hurting other players. You don't think? You don't... you don't think? I don't think you should be butting in when I'm talking to my team. You're my assistant, okay? You're supposed to back me up and go get me juice boxes when I tell you. Now go get me a juice box. You know who you're talking to? I'm talking to the juice box guy. You're crazy! I'm not crazy. I'm just thirsty. Why don't you go to hell? No, you go to hell! While you're there, why don't you grab me a juice box! I'm no juice box boy, I'll tell you that! Yes, you are! No, I'm not! Yes, you are! No, I'm not! Yes, you are! No, I'm not! You're like your old man! I'm not like my old man! If it weren't for these kids I would whip your butt! I can take a punch! I'm out of here. Bye-bye.
I'll see you, Mr. Big Time Coach. Bye-bye! I'm not like my old man! I'm a kind and gentle, compassionate human being, with a heart as big as a lion! We'll see you later, juice box! Everyone wave goodbye to juice box. Literally wave. Do it! Parents, too! Everyone waves! Okay. Guys... I only want winners out on the field. Who's a winner? I said, "Who's a winner?" I am. Everyone's hands should be up. I am. Okay. Everyone bring it in. Who are we? Tigers. What? Tigers. All right. Let's break someone's clavicle. On three! One, two, three. Break someone's clavicle!
Hit the field. Let's go. Your dad's a trip, you know that? Move it! Move it! Huh. Pick up that piece of trash, Tom. Tuck in your shirt! What are you doing? Have a sense of pride, huh? In fact, why don't you take a lap? Go and run a lap! I'm timing you. Pick it up! Faster! Here we go! Bellissimo! Whoa! Let's go! Over here, Son. Hunter! He's right there. He's right there. Good. Good. Yes! Hey, you just were served a plate of humiliation. How does that feel? Hey! Off the field.
Off the field, Tarzan. I'm off. Defense! Come on! You guys know anything about defense? Dad? Yeah? Dad? Dad? Not now, Sam. Can you put me in? Later. Later. Go grab some bench. Come on! There we go, Gian Piero. You look good. Think you can mark him? Yeah, I could take him. J.J., Zack, everybody see what we got to do with these guys? Four on one, three on another, right? We have to... We really have to smother them. Stop them. Yeah! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yeah!
All right! Hey! Hey! Hey! Did you just push a kid to the ground? He fell down! He fell down! Play it up. Play it up. Play it up. Back and forth! Victory! We're in the finals! We're in the finals! All right! Losers! Losers! Losers. You're a loser! Loser! We won, Byong Sun! No. Phil! Stop it! Everyone should get one of these. Pass him around. All right. I got him. Pass him around! Honey!
Okay. All right. That's it. I got this. Hold him down. Phil! Get the rope! What in the world happened to your dad? I don't know. But I'll tell you one thing. I'm never drinking coffee as long as I live. Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! What a day! Wh-What is with the coffee? Every home in Europe has its own coffee press. In fact, every room. Okay, you know what, Phil? You gotta stop. You've gone overboard. What are you talking about? You called a group of 10-year-olds "losers." I did not. You screamed it through a cone. Everyone heard you. What do you want me to call them?
Winners? 'Cause that would make me a liar, okay? And at least, give me that. I am not a liar. You just lied, just a... When? Just a second ago! When? About the cone thing! Okay, you got me on that one. That's one lie, though. We're in the finals. Am I the only one who cares about that? Where's Sam? Well, Sam's up in his room. Very upset. Very depressed. Depressed? We won. You didn't play him, Phil. I warned you about, this has become all about you and Buck. That is patently untrue. And as far as Sam not playing in the game, that's his fault. What? He needs to speak up, okay? I can't worry about every player. I can't talk to you about this. No, not anymore. I don't even know who you are. You're not human, that's for sure.
You're like some kind of animal. An animal? Yes, like a wild animal. Where are you going? I'm going. Coffee will make you feel better. # The eye of the tiger ## Barbara, are you there? Pick up. It's me. Game's about to start. Where's Sammy? I thought you guys were gonna meet me here. Hello? Hello? You know what, I gotta run. What are you? Who dresses you these days? What's this, some kind of clown outfit? No. It's a Tiger outfit. Good. Good. Some of the cool stuff I can do. And you think this suit's gonna help you? We'll see. Might be a good luck charm. Okay, good luck, Son. You're gonna need it. Bring it in.
Let's go. Huddle it up. Come on. Coach, um, where's Sam? Because I don't see him anywhere. He'll be here. Don't worry about it. Okay. Guys, listen up. Now I don't think it needs to be said more than once how important today's game is, huh? This is what we've worked all year for. Why are you whispering? For dramatic effect! Who are those guys over there, huh? Tigers. They look like pussycats to me. What do you say? Yeah. Afraid of 'em? No! Okay. You step on this field, this is all about you. I mean, I'm not gonna be the one staying up late at night, you know, punching a hole through the window or crying myself to sleep or wetting my bed. Okay? That's not gonna be me. 'Cause I'm fine. I got my vitamin store to go back to. I'm gonna be just great. I'm gonna be great. Let me hear you say that we can do this.
We can do this! Again. We can do this! One more time. We can do this! You either win and go on to greatness, or you lose. And probably face a series of cataclysmic events for the rest of your lives. Bring it in, guys. Bring it in. Tigers on three. Whisper. One, two, three. Tigers. One, two, three, Gladiators! Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the HHSO Championship game. I'll be giving you a play-by-play, blow-by-blow of what promises to be the game of the year. Look alive! Tigers versus the Gladiators. Gladiators with the ball. Immediately stolen by Massimo! Go! Defense! Push deeper! Deep! Deep! He kicks it high. It's a perfect pass! Shot! Goal! Yeah!
Are you ready for this? The Gladiators with some good ball movement. Shot! It's off the mark. Give it up, Dad! It's a long game, sonny! Hey, grab the pebble from my hand, Grasshopper! What? Hey! If it isn't fart-face Jones. What's up, farty pants? Bring it on. You can have the first punch right here. I could eat a box of cookies for dinner if I want to. What? Can you do that? No. 'Cause you're a fart-face kid. Oh, my God! No! Tigers! Help me! Get him off me! Get him, Logan. Attaboy, Logan. Ow! He's got my ear. He's got my ear! He's like a jackal from hell! Italians with the ball.
And they pass it of to little Byong Sun! Pass it off! Pass it! Do it! Shoot it, Byong Sun. Shoot it! No! No, no. Oh! Weak kick! Stolen away and kicked way downfield. Gladiators moving the ball. Hunter, catch up! Catch up. They find Bucky Weston in the open. He shoots! Score! Yes! Gladiators tie the game. Byong Sun! What was that? I thought I had the shot. You thought? How many times do I have to say this? You can take as many shots as you want during practice. But never ever in a game. Especially not the championship game. Okay, you cannot talk to him... No, no, no. Don't go there.
Take a seat. Go ahead. Ease up on him! You ease up on that corduroy jacket of yours. Gladiators moving the ball. Oh! Number 14 goes down. Come on! That? Good call, ref! That's a bad call! All right, coaches! Coaches here, now! God! That's a bad call, you know it! Hey, hey, hey. That's a bad call! Hey! Hey, I'm warning you. Let me ask you a question. Let me ask a question. How much you pay him to make those calls? You are one wisecrack away from being thrown out of this game. I don't want to get thrown out. Can't a guy just be enthusiastic about the game? You can be enthusiastic... That's all I want to do. ...at a respectable level. I just wanna have fun. Now, go to your places!
And keep your comments to yourself. Wow! What was that all about? Here's all I heard. The ref said... Then my Dad said... Then the ref said... Any more questions? Hit the road. Move it. Massimo with the ball, trying to pass it off to his brother. Come on! But Buck Weston has figured out this Tiger offense. Go! Get back on defense! What did I just say? Bucky with another open shot. Goal! Yes! Gladiators take the lead. Was anyone listening? The Italians have effectively been shut down. Great. That's my boy! That's the half. Honey, wh-where have you been? I called you twice. What? Why isn't Sam in his uniform? So, how's it going?
It took me all morning to convince him to come. And the only reason he is here is to support his team. What, he doesn't want to play for me? He would love to play for you but you've turned him into a benchwarmer. Sound familiar? Look, I just wanted to get to the championship game, that... Well, you're here, Phil. I'm not crying. It's frustration. Don't worry. You'll be all right. Gonna be all right. If you play the second half the way you played the first half, I'm gonna trade the whole team to the Tigers next year. Can I go in now? I have fresh legs. Philly, I can't. It's the championship game, all right? Don't bother me, okay? I didn't play the week before, either. I promise you, I'll play you next season, okay? You want to be Gladiators? Yeah! Let's say, "We are Gladiators." We are Gladiators! Say it again! We are Gladiators! Okay, go out in the second half, I want you to stay focused. You doing okay? I know this is tough.
Hey, guys. Sam, you think I could talk to you? I guess. Honey, do you mind? Sure. So, I just was thinking, uh... You know, grown-ups are always telling kids how they mess up, right? But the truth is sometimes grown-ups screw up but we don't have anyone to tell us when we do it. I screwed up, Sam. You think? I just got caught up in everything. I really lost my way, I mean, I apologize. I just wanna ask you if you... if you can find it in your heart to forgive me and you give me a second chance, I'd like to make it up to you. Okay. You accept my apology then? Yeah. Thanks, buddy. All right. You're starting the second half. Really? Yeah. You're not worried about losing the game? No, I'm worried about losing you. I brought your uniform just in case. So, go suit up. All right. Okay? Good job.
Thanks. Now, give me that jacket. Oh. It's bad? Horrible. Okay. Hey, guys. Everyone take a seat, if you would. I have something important I'd like to tell you. Um... I just want you guys to know that I know that I blew it. L... I... I... I completely blew it. And we should've just been having fun all along and honestly, I don't know what happened. And I owe you, I owe all of you an apology. I am very, very, very, very sorry. With a capital "S" and a capital "ORRY." You know what I mean. You... You guys are great kids. You're unique with... with... with your own strengths and talents, and I should've been promoting that. Instead, I wasn't, 'cause I'm a lousy coach and I didn't teach you anything. That's not true, Dad. What? What are you talking about? He's a lousy coach. He didn't teach me anything. He tried to kill me.
He taught us exactly how not to play soccer. Actually, Sam's right. That's exactly what I did. We just need to take the field and you guys just do e-e-exactly the opposite of everything I've taught you. Does that make sense? What have I... What have I told you to do? Always play the Italians. Okay. There you go. Gian Piero, Massimo, we'll get some fresh legs in there. Give you guys a rest? Rest? Yeah. Okay. Grazie. Thanks. Wh-What else have I taught you? Break people's clavicles. Chop block. Tattoos are cool! Don't remember that one. Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions. Right. Hold on. Whoo-hoo-hoo! Way to go, Byong Sun! All right. What else? The most important thing is winning.
No. No, no, no, no. The most important thing is... is having fun and trying your best, all right? So, let's get out there and do everything the opposite of what I've taught you. Sound like a plan? Bring it in. Here we go. Yes. What are we gonna do? Don't listen to Phil! Take the field. Here we go, guys. Have fun! Down by one, the Tigers have both Italians sitting on the bench? Odd move by Coach Phil Weston. Stop them, guys! Goal, and the Tiger goalie goes down hard! Oh, my... That's it. That's the intensity I've been looking for. That's it. The Tiger goalie looks okay. Hey, ref? Injury? Time out? Coach Weston is taking no chances. Time out. Everyone with glasses. Can I borrow your glasses? Would you mind?
Thank you. I appreciate that. You look like you need those. Thank you. Appreciate that. You all right? Yeah, I'm all right. Just want to do a little vision test here. All right? Is that better or worse? Worse. Better or worse? Worse. Better or worse? Better! Okay. Put those on. Let's go, guys. Okay. All right. Come on. Thanks. He's okay. Play resumes. The Gladiators still dominating the field. Wow. An amazing save by the Tiger goalie! Yes! That's my baby! He stopped that goal.
Tigers with the ball. Mark! Mark! On the neck! Yes! Mark Avery kicks the ball up, catches it on the back of his neck. Yes. The rest of the Tigers are forming some kind of wedge. Break through. Win the ball back! Knock those clowns down. Mark Avery leads the league in the least amount of time played. Hey, keeper. Ew! Mmm. Ambrose with a powerhouse kick! Yeah! Yes! Hunter, I'd give you a kiss but you just ate a worm. Yeah! Can you smell it? Yeah! All right, Mark! It's the smell of victory, baby! I love you, Dad! See if you love me at the end of the game. Let's go, guys. Stay focused. Every time you say something back to me, it makes me love you more! I can't...
I can't believe this. Hunter is tearing down the field! And he kicks the ball to Jack. Get over there! Go, Hunter! Jack takes the ball into the corner. Whoa! It's a little bit high. Wait a second, what's going on? It's like they're forming some sort of mega person. Did everyone see that? A header by Byong Sun from Ambrose's shoulder for a goal. Way to go, Bing Bong! That's not legal. Is that legal, ref? Great hustle. Gian Piero and Massimo. You're back in. Okay. But remember, share the ball. Okay. Team. Right? Team. Yeah. Good. Good, good. Okay, guys. The Italians are back in. And Massimo steals the ball.
Less than a minute left to play. The Gladiators are completely out of sync here. And the ball goes to Ambrose who fakes. Watch it! It's a trap! Stay with the Italians! Come on, Sam! You're gonna have to get past old, uncle Bucky for this one. Here's something your dad never taught you. Goal! And you can put it on the board. That's the game! Tigers win! Tigers win! Way to go, guys! Nice job, everyone! Come on, honey! Sammy! Where did you learn to move like that, Sam? I practiced every time you benched me. Tigers! Tigers! Great game, Bucky. A hell of a game, bro. I guess we really got out-coached. Thank you. I appreciate that. And I'm serious. I don't give compliments lightly. This is from the heart.
I'm not blowing smoke up my butt. I think you mean smoke up my butt. No. Dude, just take the compliment. You got it. I'll see you later. See you at the barbecue. Good job. Sorry, Grandpa. What, are you kiddin' me? If anyone's gonna beat me, I'm glad it was you. Great goal, Samson. So, you're not mad? The only thing that makes me mad is that I let you get away from the Gladiators, okay? I'll never be mad at you. Never. Burgers look good, right? That one's dead. This one needs to be turned. Okay? Looks good to me. You'll learn. Hey, Ditka! Knock it off, would you? Would you knock it off? Dad, relax. Here, I'll handle it. Yeah. I'll talk to him. Hey, Buck.
Yeah? Remember when we beat you in the championship? Yeah. Remember when, uh, when I shoved that kid in the pool? Whoa! Okay, Buck. You got me good, buddy. Yeah. How do you want your hamburger? Well done. Thanks, Buck. Okay. You got it. Hey, coach! Yeah? Hey. Hey. Um, I don't know if you heard, we won the championship. Yeah, I heard. Yeah. Look, I just wanna say I'm sorry for the way I acted. Hey, let me tell you something. You were a raving' maniac. Yes, I was. I was a maniac. Yeah, but I see you changed your ways. And man, down the stretch, you did one great job of coaching those kids. Thank you. It means a lot. So, can I count on you for next year?
No. Okay. But you and I, we're good? We're good. Good. How about you and your old man? Better. Yeah. Listen. I mean no disrespect to you and your family. But my job in life is to make your dad's life a living hell. Hey, do what you gotta do. I gotta do it. I'm about to make good on that Pelé bet. You wanna come over and watch? Yeah, I'd love to but I gotta get all these leaves over in that yard before nightfall. Right. We had a bet. You won fair and square. Good job. Yes. Thank you. I don't say this enough but you really stepped up. I'm proud of you, Son. I appreciate that. The real Pelé ball. Yep. I'm actually touching it. Take good care of it. That means an awful lot to me, that ball.
It does, doesn't it? Yeah. Here. What? You keep it. No. You won fair and square. It's yours now. No. You beat me, Philly. Well, the Tigers beat you. I mean I had a good time kicking your butt, I'm not gonna lie, but i-i-it's not about winning. I thought it was. It's not. About... About you and me, you know, the... the ball is just a metaphor about the distance between us. It's a soccer ball. No, no, no, Dad. L- l-lt's not about the ball. It was never about the ball. I don't want the ball. Then what do you want? And now an important message from the King. Hi, I'm Buck Weston. King of sporting goods. And to make my stores the best they can be, I've teamed up with my son. Hello, I'm Phil Weston. And I'm the Prince of Vitamins.
Now, you can get all your health supplement needs at Buck and Phil's Sports Kingdom. At prices so low, it'll blow your top. Don't worry, kind sir. We've got something for that, too. See? I do see, Prince Phil. Now in five convenient locations. I'm Buck Weston. And I'm Phil Weston. And we've got balls. And vitamins. But mainly, balls. And vitamins! These guys couldn't win a salad bowl, let alone a Super Bowl. Mike, I smell smoke. Nobody's smokin'. Besides, I'm the king in this house and I can do what I want. Got you! Okay, honey. # Try to see things my way # # Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on # # While you see it your way # # Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone # # We can work it out # # We can work it out # # Think of what you're saying # # You can get it wrong # # And still think that it's all right # # Think of what I'm saying # # We can work it out and get it straight #
# Or say good night # # We can work it out # # We can work it out # # Work it out when you're dating # 'Now nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate is the garden of Eden 'but it's been a good home to us - me, Frank Gallagher, 'and me kids who I'm proud of, 'cos every single one of them reminds me a little of me. 'They can all think for themselves, which they've me to thank for.' - Run! Run for it! - Leg it! 'Fiona, who's a massive help, 'Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him Philip now, 'lan, a lot like his mam, 'which is handy for the others cos she's disappeared into thin air, 'and Carl - we daren't let him grow his hair 'cos it stands on end and makes him look like Toyah and nits love it. 'Debbie - sent by God. Total angel. 'You've to check your change but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favour. 'Plus Liam - gonna be a star once we've got the fits under control. 'Sheila, me bird. Couldn't be happier... One plate short of a full set, like. 'Fantastic neighbours Kev and Veronica. Lend you anything. Well, not anything. 'But all of them to a man know, first and foremost, 'one of the most vital necessities in this life 'is they know how to throw a party! 'Scatter! ' (lan) 'When you're a Gallagher it can feel like more shit happens 'than the average. 'But if you think about it, shit happening is fact of life. 'There's nothing special about being part of our family. 'What really is special about being a Gallagher?
'You'd have to ask Fiona.' 'A bit of pride, maybe, and how you cope when it all hits the fan... 'especially if you're standing right in front of it at the time. 'The thing I rate about Fiona is that she didn't even duck.' l wouldn't kick him out of bed for a wet fart. He's not my type. He's everyone's type! He's a fucking classic! I think I'm all right, thanks. Fancy a drink? Yes, mate? Two Manila coladas, please. We've run out of Manila, I can do them with rum. You're all right, mate. I'll have them without. - Two Manila coladas without the Manila? - Yeah. Fucking ladies night and not a chick in the room. Er, name? Ryan. He's a footballer. Fuck off! Fucking hell! He's not Ryan Giggs, is he? Veronica, you have seen him. Oh, yeah. Only Sunday League. Still, fit as arseholes. (Woman) Got a spare tampon? Hang on. (Woman) I feel sick. Let's go, while they're still serving. PHONE rings
Hello. How the fuck did that happen? How the fuck did Fiona end up with Joey Dawson? Joey Dawson? ! Joey. Oh... Joey. Oh, fuck! What was he like? Phwoar! Oh, fuck! Didn't think he would be. I don't think we used anything. I thought you were on the pill? When I was with Steve, yeah. Half a packet now, half a packet later. Works the same as the morning-after pill. (Liam) Wake up! Liam! Morning. (TV) 'lt's your chance to phone in this morning and the topic 'is sexually transmitted diseases. 'So, we've got...' Joey Dawson? ! Don't bother. I can guarantee it won't be funny. You went to bed with our Fiona? Get me... Fuck. You went to bed with him?
! It happens, Carl. Do you want some toast? Two slices, my darling. What's happened? Fiona had sexual intercourse with Joey Dawson. Debbie! That's what Mrs Henderson calls it in Health And Society. She says it's immature to use the other words. Looks like he shagged you ragged. Change the fucking record! Argh! Shit. Marty! He shut me arm in the fuckin' door! Cold compress. That's what Veronica always says. Get a flannel. I don't know what you're playing at, Marty. Liam! (lan) Go, go! - What? - The gears. I can't... Hurry up! For God's sake! Blood group? AB, AB, A, AB positive, O, B positive. I don't know yours. Give it a few minutes. Then you can go home with mummy and daddy. No, we're not... No more taking mummy's tablets!
We got everything out of him in time and hormones aren't immediately dangerous. Worse case scenario would be him growing a pair of tits. HE CHUCKLES For God's sake! If you that worried about it, get an X-ray. (Debbie) Ask me. I remember every Christmas prezzie for the last eight years. I'm really sorry, Joey. 1 998. (Debbie) Christmas 1 998 - He-Man mega-fighter, Kylie CDs, selection box from dad. Skateboard, Louise CD, selection box from dad. Tinky Winky, video, selection box from dad. Right. I'll see you then. I didn't know you lived round here? Extension on Lyle Close. Finishing off, like. Told you I could do the Christmas presents. Yeah, but you got the blood groups wrong, freak. No, I didn't. How much? At least it's not his plastering arm. AB, A, AB, B, O. I prefer the new notes from the cash machine. Debbie, look. Somebody's cocked up. They do this in biology. You need two Os. One from each parent to be just O. O's recessive.
Somebody's got lan's blood group wrong which means you're wrong, which means I'm not liable for ten quid. Doesn't have to mean that. Yes it does. It could mean that dad's not lan's dad. Durrr! What? KNOCK ON DOOR Can someone get that? Here, love, give it to me. Have you got any aspirin at yours? I've got a head like a fucking drill. This not a good time? She wants to talk to mum. I'm from the health visiting team. The hospital contacted us about Liam's overdose. It wasn't an overdose. Their word, not mine. lt's just a follow-up. Your mum not in? Or your dad. We try not to be sexist! Not at the minute, no. I am Liam's sister, so I can answer any questions. Gallagher. Thought it might be. You don't remember me, do you? Katrina Webb, from school? Katrina. It's all right, you can say it - the sperm whale. You have lost a fucking tonne! Quick Slim.
A shake for breakfast, a soup for lunch and then a sensible tea. For three-and-a-half years. Fiona Gallagher. Bet you never thought the sperm whale be a health professional, eh? OK if I have a look at your brother? Just my fucking luck, them sending her. She's all right, in't she, sperm whale? Veronica, I gave her that name. She hated my guts at school because I snogged a boy she fancied. Ricky Parr. A little bit of power, she'll be loving this. Right as rain. I'm surprised you're still living at home, Fiona. Thought you would've been married by now. Well, you and me both. What about you? Engaged. Lovely. Got a venue booked for August. We're having a Lord Of The Rings theme, 'cept it'll be wedding rings, obviously. Hobbits for pageboys, dead cute. Hang about, I'm remembering now. I did a visit when Chantelle Harrison had her third and she said to me that your mum had turned into a lesbian and run off with another woman. Chantelle? Must have been the smack talking. You take care, Liam. Carl kicked me. Did he? It was an accident. Nightmare.
Kids, eh? Yeah! It was good to see you, Katrina. Good luck with the wedding. Who's the lucky fella? Joey, Joey Dawson. Mrs Dawson. Fucking weird, eh? See ya! I'm not kidding. She finds out I slept with Joey, I'm dead! Promise me these are staying on. What are you like? No tits! Promise me! Cross me heart and hope to die. DOORBELL SHE whistles Whoa! Get 40 quid extra for topless. What rhymes with estate agent? You what? Birthday boy's an estate agent. Sean. You're mental, you! How's she gonna find out? Joey's not gonna tell her, you're not gonna tell her. It's like it never fucking happened. It's Joey and his girlfriend. Shit!
He's come for the van keys. That he left here last night when he crashed out cos he'd had too many before he slipped in the shower and broke his arm. She wants to know why we haven't got one of them mats? We have! Keys! Liam had them. They're in our house somewhere. Kitchen table. Keep her talking, yeah? Keys! Keys! Where could they be? Veronica's had a tidy-up. It's always the way, innit? I told shit-for-brains he were lucky you drove him to the hospital. He's worse than a bloody kid. Can't let him out my sight, can I? Can I? ! You're lucky he's not suing you for loss of business. It's not his plastering arm, is it? is it me, or has it turned a bit? Veronica says you used to be really, really fat. Ta-da! (Katrina) Kylie had to get two buses to self-defence cos you couldn't drive her. She had a do on the number 1 2. Forgot her inhaler. She could be dead, Joey! You didn't think of that. Oh, thanks, Kev!
Saved my life. See! I told you! Over-reaction! What? ! You're not my dad. What the fuck have I done now? Type O blood, I've got, so you can't be my real dad. It's scientifically impossible. Of course I'm your fucking dad. Frank Gallagher does not fire blanks, lan. I can remember it clear as day. 1 987, cos they'd just stopped me claiming for my illness. Doctor said it was a fucking shaving rash. How do they sleep at night? Coming to terms with living with a disability, then bang, "l'm late again, Frank." Whatever you say about Monica, she didn't look at another fella. Not until she went off with, Norma. No need. It were 1 989. That's what I mean. 1 9... ..80... Gary Bennett. Fucker. She had a Saturday job in an offie. He were too fucking tight to give her a discount, so no point... She made out it gave her a bit of independence. He was the manager. "Gary listens to me, Frank." We can all listen when we want to give them one, can't we?
So it's true? Falls into place, don't it? Betrayal. All the way down the fucking line. How sharper than a serpent's tooth. No, listen, right. Whatever that tosspot did to your mum, you are still my son. You're all my kids. Even a gobshite like Lip. Yes! Here, remembered. I need a sombrero and a guitar. For netball? We're making a short film in media studies. I'm a Mexican street musician. Liam, shoes on, sweetheart. I need to get hold of mum. I just tried. Answer machine says they're away till the 22nd. Shit. (lan) What's up? Social services want to visit. See if Liam's being looked after properly by mum or dad. (lan) Shit! - Why were you calling mum, anyway? - He's trying to find his real dad. What? Frank's not his dad. Gary Bennett is. Gary Bennett?
How long have you known about this? There. lt's my best shot. Ian. You're full of surprises. Look, I just find out. Dad reckons it were the manager of this offie where mum had a Saturday job. Offie in Eccles. Yeah, I remember. I were gonna tell you. Honest. Do you want to find him? Yeah. Why? We're your family. is it about the other thing? No. DOORBELL Hiya. Just come off a visit up the road. Post-natal depression. Social services been in touch yet? We got a letter from them this morning. I mean mum did. I bet she's shitting herself, isn't she? Just kidding. As long as she turns up sober and remembers your brother's name, we'll tick all the boxes. I tell you what, you around at dinner time for a drink? I've got a lot on today, as it happens. I could give you a few interview tips. It helps to know who you're dealing with. Friends in high places.
I'll be there, you know. And we still haven't caught up properly, have we? No. Yeah. Go on then. Why not? Great, look forward to it. Jockey's your local, in't it? (Fiona) Can't you just tell her the truth? "l told a white lie and now it's got out of hand." Yeah, she'll understand(! ) I may as well tell I shagged Joey while I'm at it! Can't you wait until Monica's back from holiday? And say Dad's looking after the kids while she's away? The last thing we want is social services talking to fucking Frank. Oh, yeah, right? MUMBLlNG As far as they authorities are concerned, Dad's dead. I'm not even Liam's legal guardian. What are you playing at? ! You've been on their nearly half-an-hour. She's got a gift, Veronica. She's helping me with my arthritis. You haven't got fucking arthritis. I wish she'd keep an open mind. She even knew about Kev losing the remote for the telly. Bollocks she did. She's messing with your head, Mum.
Fiona, will you get a grip? So, you're not officially Liam's guardian. You're over 21 , you're a better fucking mum than Monica ever was. Go down the Jockey, see Katrina and sort it out. You're right. You're right. What's the worst that can happen? I love you, Fiona. Fuck's sake, Joey. I mean... I mean... You don't. You can't. I do. You're engaged. You don't even know me. And we were both totally mashed. You were. I was on pineapple juice all night. Oh, shit, Joey. Please. Please. I love you. Oh, listen to him. I love you too, honey bunny. So, what do you think, hey? Mr and Mrs Dawson. Can't believe you're still single, Fiona. Can you, Joey? No. What's this deep dark secret you wanted to tell me, hey?
It's not about Ricky Parr, is it? No, nothing like that. It's... It's silly really. I didn't realise it was you at first when you came to the house to see our Liam. It's more automatic than anything. Hey, secret admirer over there. Hello. You know him? Well, to talk to. I were just saying, she could do with a fella. Could you? Cos last time I saw, you weren't going short, like. Dirty mare! We trying to fix her up, if you're interested. Sorry, mate, I didn't realise. I was just having a laugh. What...? No, he's with me, you daft pillock. Oh, I just thought, cos youse two were getting... Oh...right. It weren't me. ALL SCREAM Just listen. I swear, it was a mistake. I was hammered. I don't even fancy him. Oh, no, cos the sperm whale's boyfriend wouldn't be good enough for Fiona fucking Gallagher. Fiona fucking Gallagher can just take whatever she likes. Little fucking Princess skinny arse. Katrina...all that stuff... We were kids, for God's sake.
Think that's an excuse? Think I've fucking forgotten? Sperm whale. OK. I'm sorry. But Chatsworth Comp - it was the law of the jungle down there. Think you were the only one who went through it? Yeah, you were fat, and the lads used you as a spunk bucket and they weren't very nice to you. But you know what, neither were you. Pov Gallagher, remember that? "That same skirt you've been wearing sense year seven, Pov?" "Can't afford to come on the school trip, Pov?" "Check your change, Pov's here." Plenty of times I cried myself to sleep, so don't you make out you were Princess fucking Di, Katrina. Right. A bit of advice. Stay away from my fiancee... ..and tell your family they'd better put their best foot forward at that interview or I'll have your shitarse of a brother taken into care so quick he won't know what hit him. OK? ! Pov! You can start saying your prayers and all, you little twat. Aaaaah! Nipples. It must help to have big ones when they're feeding. Must be... lt must toughen them up, all that... (SUCKS) Can I help you? Yeah, I've come for the vouchers for formula. The name's Gallagher. Nigel and Delia. Sorry, we've got Gallagher Philip, Gallagher lan, Gallagher Deborah. Oh, they'll be under their mum's address, Eldon Way.
Fuck off! I swap you that for that? The difference comes out my wages. But they're unopened. I've got an arrangement. Ask Yvonne. You'd better talk to her. She'll be in at tea time. Oh, blood will out. Gary Bennett. You wouldn't give your mum a fucking discount at the offi. Mingy little twat. I'll mention that when I see him. It was Eccles. Fiona told me. So there's nothing to stop me finding him. Fuck off to Eccles then! Are you serious? Are you gonna go? Yeah. There's two in the phonebook. Debbie looked it up. Go for it. All that counts in the end, family. Cheers. You know what I meant. People don't realise. Leave it to dry, and it's good as new. I haven't bought a new roll for three years. I'm not a lesbian, Fiona.
I think everyone's got tendencies, but... You don't need to be, cos you'll be pretending. Playing a part, acting. Acting? You'll be you, but you'll say that you're our mum, cos we think of you like our mum anyway, don't we? It sets you thinking though, don't it? Like when you imagine if you hadn't been born and someone else had met Frank. Nigel and Delia hadn't been born either. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, God. I'm sorry. They've adjusted my Seroxin. It makes you ever so constipated too. PEOPLE CHATTER (Carol) lf my finger slips, you've had it. Come on, you lot. We need all hands on deck. (Veronica) Keep him still, Mum. What's wrong? He dared me. We're lucky the house didn't go up, rubbish he eats. Lighting farts. Got too close to the lighter. Don't be such a bloody baby! It's only Vaseline. Where's Lip? Anyone got munchies? Good night, was it? You knew lan was working. Carol said she'd look in. She did come really quickly when we shouted.
What's up with him? Come on, sweetheart. lt's past your bedtime. DOOR SLAMS Where the fuck's Sheila? You're not at Sheila's, Dad. Dad, bathroom! Don't fucking touch me. Eccles. You told him, didn't you? You in on it and all? Whatever. Yeah, whatever. You're all the fucking same like your fucking mother. - Don't touch... - Aagh! Piss yourself then! Fucking piss yourself! What's he done? Get him out of here, or I swear I'll fucking kill him! Wanker! Bastard. (Fiona) Did he piss himself? (Lip) No. Got him to the bog in time. Frank Gallagher's proudest achievement - he got to the bog in time. Puked on the carpet though. You really don't want lan to find him, do you? Gary what's-his-face. Up to him. Just don't see the point.
Bit jealous. Little bastard gets a shot at a real dad, instead of some incontinent fucking sperm donor. Thing about Dad, you're fine as long as you remember to expect fuck all. Only useful thing he's ever said to me, not at me, my whole fucking life, when I was little, I was making breakfast. Dad chucked his slice of toast into the bin, "Fucking useless that." Then he showed me, "Always spread the marge into the corners, right up to the crust. "Do the corners and you don't have to worry about the middle." It's true, as it happens. Useless fucker. Right. Social services are due at 1 1 . Sheila's coming round at half ten. Start with the bedrooms, Carl. Debbie, bathroom. Carol, you still OK looking after Liam, yeah? - What do you want me for, Fiona? - Oh, yeah. Marty. Give me hand with a bit of lifting. Cockhead. Marty, slow down. Where's Sheila? Hiya. You brought the twins. I've been dying to air these outfits. Sorry I'm late. Only I thought it'd help to look a bit more like you-know-who. It's a bit difficult with my wardrobe so I had to borrow from across the road, but she's on the game, so she's difficult to wake before dinner time. is it too late to do something about the curtains?
Hiya. She thinks you're planning a break-in. What are you doing here? Moral support, whatever that means. Debbie passed on the details. Are you going in? Might not even be there. Probably get his wife. I didn't think about his wife. What if she's got kids? I might have half-brothers or sisters. Find out. Go on. Fuck it, if you're not gonna... Lip. piano music PLAYS Sorry, lads. We've got tea towels coming out of our ears. No. I'm... Mrs Gallagher? Monica Gallagher? I'm Maureen Hale from social services. That's right. Come in. Thank you. Katrina. We've got your form, Mrs Gallagher, thanks for that. Liam's doing well, in your opinion? Oh, yes, he is. lsn't he, Fiona?
No problems at all. There we are, take the pot to the kettle, never the kettle to the pot. Oh! No teaspoons. On my first visit, I saw some bruising where Liam had been hit by one of his brothers. Can you tell us how this happened, Mrs Gallagher? It was Lip that moved. As I said to your colleague, it was an accident. Kettle. Kettle. Teaspoons. Teaspoons. Hey, love. Would you get me a teaspoon, please? Shall we have a look around? I think we've seen everything we need, Mrs Gallagher. Thanks for that. You're a very lucky boy, Liam, having such a nice room. I've got a few questions about the living arrangements. There seems to be confusion about who lives where. It's easy. I live next door with my tenants, Carol and Marty. And everyone else lives here. (Sheila) The more the merrier. I take my hat off to you, Monica. These two looking bonny on it. Do you get your formula at the clinic? Every week. When I checked our records, the twins are at a different address. 22 Eldon Way. And according to the clinic, they live there with their mother,