Split (1)

train · 64k rows

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It's all about the power within. Don't race the dogs too much. Don't drug them, whatever you do. Don't make any money. Hii-yah! * Okay, just relax. Just listen to me; repeat what I say. I know everything there is to know about girls. Enjoy your meal. Thanks. You okay? Your neck? Me? Oh, yeah, my neck's a little sore. I'm fine. Oh, good. Wow. You look really... What? Beautiful. Stunning. The smell of your skin takes my breath away. This doesn't sound like you, Peter. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's nice and all. But why the change? Right. What a good question. What a good question.
Nothing like a good question. What am I, Plato? Uh, let's see now. Maybe you can try, "Life is full of change. Uh, but in this case, I must admit..." Oh, I'd love to lick your face and sniff your tail. No, you can't use that. You can't use that. Let's see, "In this case, I must admit..." In this case, I must admit... And this may sound bold... This may sound bold... You made me change. You made me change. My heart feels so close to yours. I just want to howl at the moon. I'm not sure if this new you is seducing me or scaring me. Well, I'm a man of more secrets... Than you could possibly imagine. Really? Name one. Name one? Yeah. Secret... what, you want to know what my big secret is? Well, I'll tell you. God, I hate cats. God, I hate cats. What's wrong with cats? Cats are lazy, unmotivated slobs, black holes of selfishness sucking dry the kind hearts of their masters. They're useless.
Did you ever hear of a seeing eye cat? Or a watch cat? No. Wow. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Had a little cat rage there. I... it... j-j-just... just just overtakes me. Let me try to get it together. Uh, um, uh, try this: Let's not talk about me. Let's talk about Ashley Wilkenson, her hopes, her dreams... Her fantasies. Well... I want to tell you what's on my mind and in my heart. I'm listening, Detective. Since the first moment I saw you, there's something I've wanted to say to you. And I feel if I don't say it now, that opportunity could pass me by. That's good. Whoo! Wahoo. What is that? Look at the chassis on that lassie. What? What do you want to say? Woof, woof, woof, woof woof. Come on... What is an incredible dog like you doing in a joint like this? No... what? Ashley, I...
Excuse me? I don't... I didn't mean... I didn't mean that at all. I mean, you're incredible, but you're not a dog. Ashley. Ashley. Please. Thanks a lot, Cyrano de Bonehead. Good night, miss. Ashley! Ashley, no, wait! Gah! Now what am I supposed to do? How do I know? I'm just a dog. If it was me, I'd chase the car. Ashley, wait! Okay, no more games. I'm just going to bark this out, okay? I love how strong you are. I love how sexy you look in uniform. I love the way you just say what's in your heart. And if only I could just find the strength to say what's in mine. Well, I don't know who was feeding you those corny lines earlier, but I like your own words much better. Yeah, me too. Let's go talk. Want to? You know, I'm not your typical guy. I'm not into sports, going to bars, you know.
I don't really get out much either. You know, I'm not your typical dog. I'm not into chasing cars or playing fetch. I'm actually... not the party type. I never go to parties. Never have parties. Ooh, this smells... Oh, excuse me. Ladies first. I don't do hydrants. Whoa! Uh! You want to come back to my place? You know, maybe later? Oh. Uh! I'm sorry. It's okay, babe. Love hurts. * This is a nice neighborhood. Oh, yeah. It's, uh, it's an old boatyard. Got it for cheap, fixed it up, you know? You'll see. Is there a party? No, um, I just left my TV on. So. Um. I...
I got to go. So there was a party. No, no, it's my cousins. They're in town. Yeah, okay. Bye. Ashley, wait. Come on, keep up. Rah! Rah! * Hey, I just saw Mrs. Rottweiler. She said the puppies have been up crying all night. Puppies? You dog! Coming through. Excusez-moi. Ay caramba. I'm so high. Hey, Bernie. Hey, we playing poker or what? Oh, I should have seen that one coming. All right, enough! That's it! I want all you four-legged, tail-wagging, Frisbee-catching, flea-scratching mongrels out of my house now. You... out. Out of here! You, beat it. Man, this ain't cool.
Don't you give me that look. Ooh, yeah. Down! I'm gonna poo on his lawn. You thought this was a party? No, it was a conference on world peace. Fowler, I was undercover. Undercover? I was questioning the dogs on the street about what goes on at the Cage Kennel Club. Right. Not mine. As a matter of fact, the Dane's cousin dated one of the slower greyhounds there. Okay, right now isn't a good time to talk about dogs and their love life. It's not important. But this is. After a few months on that new dog food, that slower greyhound turned out to be Southern Beauty, winner of her last five starts. And guess what. Edward Cage always supervised feeding time. Really? COLAR. Yes, Peter? The last six greyhounds to win at over 20 to 1, how many of them are owned by Cage Sports Enterprises? Searching that data for you now. Four of them, sweetie buns, including Iron Thunder and Southern Beauty. Sweetie buns? This ain't no ordinary dog food. What if it's illegal or, worse, dangerous to the dogs? Well, if Edward is feeding the dogs some type of chemical energy formula and then betting on them, well, that's enough for an indictment on felony racketeering, and could possibly tie him to the attack on Chin Li. So we need what Chin Li was after, proof of the formula. And the last place Chin Li was before the attack was Biotech.
The formula has to be in their mainframe computer. Bingo. Not you. I know you're not Bingo. Access denied. Access denied? Okay, we've got to break in there, but we've got to be really smart about it. All right, Fowler. What do you think of my disguise? Hey, give me that. Ow. Ew, doggy drool. Ow. What is this, bumper cars? Why don't you try going around the walls instead of through them? Should be a door marked "Fire Control" around here. There it is. You should be in here, and I should be driving. Did you hear me? Shut up. We're undercover. Shut up, we're undercover. I am, anyway. Easy, easy. I'm slipping; come up. If I want to be neutered, I'll go to a vet. Get in there. Come on. Hey, watch your hands, Romeo. Look out.
Oh, God. I bet Lassie didn't have to go through this. Ow. Get in. Come on, push, push. Ow! This harness is going to ruin my love life. I'll tell you something: Tom Cruise had this figured out better. And I'm not getting $20 million, either. Good job, boy. All right, this is the place. What's happening? Whoa, big... b-b-big drop. Big drop. Hang on to that rope. Oh, easy. E-e-easy. Whoa! Wait a minute. I got to go back up and get my stomach. T-t-take it easy now. Uh! Slow. Take it slow. Whoa. Rope, don't fail me now. Hold it; hold it. Not too close... Don't let me hit the floor,
I'll set off the alarm. Hold... hold... stop. Good. All right, now swing me back and forth. Fowler, I'm just hanging here. You're late. Everybody's already here. We have to stop the animal testing. Why? Stage four isn't complete. Well, why do you think? Father. You've seen the way he's been acting. She's so changed. Uh, yeah. There's no telling what he'll do next. He's out of control. Almost there. Back and forth, not in circles. Man, I'm gonna hurl. Straighten me out. Fowler, turn me around. I can't put the disk in with my butt. It's not my fault. Okay, okay, that's better. That's better. Uhh! Easy, easy. Here we go. Download in progress.
All right. Three more minutes to download, and we're out of here. Downloading complete in 2 minutes, 48 seconds. Wait, somebody's coming. Get me up, up, up, up. Up! Up! Pull. Now it looks quite wonderful. A lab? Why wasn't I told about this? When did you have this done? As soon as I realized the awesome power of Lot 99. But I had to shroud it in deepest secrecy... Yes, even from my beloved children. Today I brought you all here to inform you that stage five testing is now complete. Stage five? Human testing. We haven't started that yet. Yes, we have. I'm proud to announce that I, myself, have been taking Lot 99 for the past, uh, six months. Ladies and gentleman, six months ago... A 76-year-old man. Or hadn't you noticed the change? Did you think this happened because I did a few extra sit-ups every day? Oh, no. Hamilton. That's unbelievable. Strength, vitality, eternal youth. Adults will never know sickness.
Children will never be orphaned. We're close, people. Very close. My vital signs are equally impressive. It's him. Wolfgang, the guy I bit. What's happening? Keep up the good work. Yes, sir. Aw, come on, Cho Cho. You should be excited. We did it. Got the evidence to put them away right here. Excited? Cage and I were both students of Chin Li's. He was like a father to us. He let you down. He let everybody down. He betrayed the animals, and worst of all, he betrayed Chin Li. Maybe not. You know, maybe he was just trying to improve the herbs like he said, for mankind. How? By doping the dogs so he could make millions rigging races? That could've been Edward. It's not Edward. He's not smart enough. Besides, Cage's goon had a bandage on his left wrist exactly where I bit Chin Li's killer. We both know Wolfgang is Cage's muscle guy. One way or another, Cage is letting it happen. Easy, girl.
And in Gate 4, Distant Thunder, winner of her last three starts. In Gate 5, Misery Loves Company. She's been off her feed in recent weeks, but still a viable threat. In Gate 6, Do-Si-Do. "Dominance" is her middle name. Dad, it's important. How important can it be, son? Trouble. Someone broke into the mainframe and... Speak into the microphone. Somebody broke into the mainframe and downloaded Lot 99. Oh. Oh. We found dog hairs on the computer. Cho Cho and Fowler. In Gate 7, the legendary Land's End. And finally, in Gate 8, a newcomer and certainly the underdog... me. Here. Hold it. Come on, puppies. Keep up. Boys, you ain't gonna believe this one. I got it this time. I got it. I cracked the case. Okay, Cage Sports Enterprises have been giving the greyhounds at Cage Kennel Club this type of performance enhancer, making millions of dollars on long-shot bets. Can you prove it? Yes, look. Right here. This is the formula for what they call Lot 99.
What it does is, it enhances natural herbs to camouflage the added chemicals so they don't show up during tests. Now we think that Chin Li discovered it; tried to take a sample to the police. That's why they killed him. Bingo. Hi, hello, hi, hi. Thief or thieves of Lot 99, you have made a mistake big-time. Fowler... Not only will this computer blow, What the hell's this? So I have to go. You have exactly, uh, uh, uh, four seconds. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Ahh! Fowler, what is... You cracked the case, Fowler, huh? And all our computers with it. I could have you transferred to another planet. Yeah. Yeah, good idea. This is definitely not good. * Hello? Peter? Hey. It's cold outside. You guys a little down? Yeah, well, we have reason to be. So you're just going to give up? Look, it's over, okay?
Not only did my evidence go up in smoke, but there's not a cop on the force who believes me. I believe you. You do? The only way we can prove this case is if we finish what Chin Li started. We've got to get a sample of Lot 99. We? Yeah, we. Are you sure about this? I mean, let's face it: my career has gone to the dogs. Woof No offense. But, Ashley, we screw this up, you could say good-bye to any chance of becoming detective. My dad was a detective, his dad was a detective. I've been so obsessed about making detective that I've forgotten why I became a cop in the first place. Which is? To stop bad guys from hurting people... and animals. Watch out for this Wolfgang... Cage's bodyguard. He has a bandage on his left arm where Cho Cho might have bit him. That could tie him to Chin Li's death. Okay, I'm going to the vent lab. Ashley, you watch out for security. Cho Cho, you know what to do. Cho Cho knows what to do. Cho Cho...? * * Do, do, do, do, doo doo. * * Brrrrm, do, doo doo. Hoo ha!
Whoo! * Do, do, doo doo, do... * Hey, Grandma, what are you doing out here? Listen, my name's Cho Cho, and I'm a cop. I need to get a sample of the stuff they've been putting in the food of the younger dogs. Don't touch that stuff. It's poison. It's like magic at first. It makes you faster, stronger. Then it begins to take over your mind. It makes you crazy. You get angry and mean. And then you start to get weaker and weaker. You know how old I am? No, even a mutt like me knows enough not to ask questions like that. I'm two years old. What? That's no grandma. That's Southern Beauty. Southern Beauty? Oh, no. Ashley, come in, where are you? I got it. I got the Lot 99. Ashley, come in. Where are you? Ahh... Shhh! I got it.
Wait here, okay? I got to go find Cho Cho. Okay. Excuse me. I have a... a call. Uh-huh? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Cho Cho, where are you? Over here. Cho Cho. I got a sample of Lot 99. Let's get out of here. Better handle it with care. What are you talking about? Southern Beauty just died from it. Hold it. Don't shoot! It's just us. Fowler? Yeah. Oh, no. Well, me and my dog. What's he doing here? What are you doing here? We got a call. Armed intruder on the premises. Who made the call? I did.
Lieutenant, this is the second time that your detective has, uh, broken in. I don't know whether he's working for a competitor or just obsessive. Either way, he's dangerous. That... that's a lie. It's Lot 99 that's dangerous. That stuff will kill you, Cage. Just like it killed Southern Beauty. I'm sure your superiors would love to hear about the rogue officers in your command. As a matter of fact, I'm playing golf with Chief Clark tomorrow. No, don't listen to him. He's under the influence of Lot 99. Now, you listen to me, Fowler. Unless you want to be cuffed and gagged, I'd keep quiet. Now, Mr. Cage, what can we do to make this right? And avoid a costly lawsuit? Something dramatic, I hope. Fowler, your gun and your badge. My mom has my gun. You're pathetic. What's that? Grab him by the paws. I can't get ahold of him. Grab his ears, then. What are they doing? No, let him go. Hey, what are you doing? He didn't do anything. Get off me.
Hey! Who's in charge here? Pull him down. Cho Cho. Watch those fangs. Cho Cho! Cho Cho. Let him go! Please! Cho Cho! There's still no word from Officer Wilkenson? Okay, please keep calling her, and let me know the minute you find her. Okay? Thank you. And in business news... Volume up. In about an hour, CEO Hamilton Cage will be announcing the launch of Energy L99, a safe and natural energy supplement. Cage plans to have the herbal blend added to everything from potato chips to children's breakfast cereals. No, no, you maniac, you can't give that stuff to kids. Oh, my God. Take a deep breath, Peter. Whew. Okay, focus. Ashley, Ashley... Where's Ashley? One thing at a time. Oh, I got to get some help here. Forget the facts, Peter. Go with your gut. Sometimes you have to search all over the yard before you find out where one bone is buried.
There you go. Now you're on to something. COLAR, you still have the floor plan data that was downloaded when we breached the Cage Biotech mainframe? Oh, you want to hack into the security cameras at Cage Biotech. Looks like I programmed some dog sense into you. Go. Show time. Curtain up. Keep scanning. I'm scanning. Cage's office. Yep. Okay... move on. We're moving on. Right... fire control hallway... You're in it. Move on. Movin' on. Mainframe. Keep scanning. We're still scanning. Fire control room. Good. Ashley. Oh, God. Enhance. Peter, do you want me to call the cops? We just did. Ashley, don't worry.
Don't worry, I'm coming for you. Let me think. Search the address of the Animal Control Center, and download it immediately into my palm computer. You got it, boss. * Baby. * We done as good as we could do. * * So what if I bit a mailman but misunderstood you. * * Ooh, baby. * Why knock yourself out? * * I got the blues, blues, blues, blues. * Meow Is it over? Great. Hopefully we've heard the last of that dog-rap garbage. Kitty, how about a permanent cat nap? Hush, puppy. Dead dog walking'. Remember me, mutt? Made me look like a fool in front of them cops. Payback time. Dead dog walking. What a dork. That's my dog, and I want him back. Oh, yeah? And why would I do that? Well, I'll tell you why. Hannibal, meet the dogcatcher. This is Hannibal. He doesn't like dogcatchers.
Every dog has his day, you know? All right, now I'm going after Ashley. You and boys try to break up the press conference. Get a 911 call in if you can. Yeah, I got a bone to pick with Mr. Cage. Nice doggy. Nice doggy. Doggy want a bone? You're a scientist, not a criminal. You don't want any part of this. This stuff will kill your father. But you can still save him... and yourself. Think about it. Let her go. Ahh! Rahh! * Ha! That's a burn. It's not him. Ladies and gentleman, may I have your attention. I am Edward Cage. I appreciate your patience. My father is currently... tied up by unexpected developments. I am sorry for the delay. He should arrive any moment. Hope so. Ha! Ladies and gentleman, Hamilton Cage. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Please be brief. Today is a day where we celebrate the triumph of a human life. When you add all-natural L99 to your, uh, uh, products, they will transform themselves into the sustenance of... life itself. For L99 is... pure power. Pure, uh, uh... Pure, uh... uh... power. Pure, uh, uh... youth. Ladies and gentleman, I give you the future. I give you L99! * I don't know, but I've been told... * * I don't know, but I've been told... * * Kennel food is mighty cold. * Kennel food is mighty cold. * Sound off. * 1-2-3-4. Wait, what's going on? Dogs! You're going down, buddy. Okay, Dad, we got to go. Come on, follow me. Come on, look at me. Come on. Say uncle. Say uncle. Come on, Dad, we got to go. That's a good boy. Right around the corner.
Now! Behind you! Where... where are we? Whoo, hello. Watch it, buddy. She's underage. I'll be 18 next month. Hey, cowboy. You talkin' to me? Nice job out there. You looking for Hamilton Cage? Well, he went thataway. Which was is thataway? The elevator, Dick Tracy. Thanks. You're okay... for a cat. Hey, take care of yourself. And come back and see me sometime. Son, this is the roof. I've radioed the helicopter. They'll be here any minute. Are you out of your mind? Retreat in our moment of triumph? Never. Triumph? You're out of your mind. I'm out of my mind? Didn't I say you were out of your mind? I'm not out of my mind.
You're out of your... Oof! Cage, you don't know what you're doing. You're hurting everybody. Turn yourself in. Now. Never. Daddy? You're sick, Cage. You have to be stopped, and I don't want to have to hurt you. Well, that's certainly going to make this fight a whole lot easier for me. * Hii-yah! Intriguing. Chin Li's two best students... face-to-face. So you want to play games? Okay. Not to be uh, outdone... Ha! Huh! Ooh, doggy. Ooh, doggy. Come on. Oof! You're some package, puppy. Very clever. Well, I'd give you about a six... out of ten. That's for all the times you made a dog go fetch. Ching! Fetch this.
Whoooa. Hey. Yow. Let's get, uh, serious, shall we? Oh, no. That scar. It was you I bit. It was you. Don't be so surprised. Huh! Ha! Ouch! Chin Li was like a father to you. Well, he wasn't my father. My father died and left me alone. And then I searched for that fountain of youth, so that no child would ever orphaned again. Chin Li tried to spoil that. Come on, fight like a man. Look at what you've become, Cage... a monster. A monster? If only you could feel it... the power of Lot 99 coursing through your veins like liquid gold. Hoo-ha! Want a piece of me, dog? I want justice. Well, come and get it. Huh! Hii-yah. * I'm top of the world, Daddy. Please, for Chin Li, surrender.
Never. Waa-haa! Whoo. Ha ha! Missed. Missed again. Try again. Keep trying. Missed. Good try. Missed. Missed again. Ooh-ah! Hello, Clarice. * Whoosh! Okay, my ultimate weapon: super lick. Okay, here we go. Left, right. Left, left, right, right, right, right, right, left, right. Uh! And finally, this one's for Chin Li. Hii-yah! I'ma coming, Daddy. Uh! You think I'm finished? You're right. Uh! Cho Cho.
Good job, Cho Cho. That was incredible. Thank you. Had to be done. Hamilton Cage, there's something I've wanted to say to you for a while. You're under arrest for kidnapping, racketeering, cruelty to animals, and conspiracy for the murder or Chin Li. Oh. Fowler! You hurt my daddy. Uhh! No! Oh, no. Cho Cho. He's been shot. Ashley, get an ambulance. Don't get all emotional. It's embarrassing. Next thing I know, you'll be licking me. Hang in there, partner. Partner? Partner. I like that. It gives me great pleasure to introduce the recipient of the San Francisco Police Department's Medal of Valor, Detective Peter Fowler. Congratulations. Thank you, sir. You know, I used to wonder what bravery really was. It was something that you'd learn, something you'd develop. But what I discovered is that bravery exists within us all: man or woman, human or animal.
You just have to find it. Sometimes you need help to do that. So I'd like to dedicate this medal to someone who saved my life, someone who taught me what I really needed to learn, someone who I wish could've been here today, someone who was there when I really needed him, Cho... Cho Cho. Ladies and gentleman, the dude who really deserves this medal, Cho Cho. Now you remember what you promised. What? What did I promise? * Hello, baby. * Yeah, this is the Big Bopper speaking. * * Oh, you sweet thing. * Do I what? * Will I what? * Oh, baby, you know what I like. * * Chantilly Lace had a pretty face * * and a ponytail hanging down. * I couldn't tell you. I promised him. * Lord, made the world * go round, round, round. * Ain't nothing in the world like a big-eyed girl * * to make me act so funny, * make me spend my money, * make me feel real loose * like a long-necked goose, * like a... * Oh, baby, it's-a what I like. * What's that, baby? But... But... But... Oh, honey. Hey, Fowler. Yeah, Fowler! But...
* Oh, baby, you know * what I like. Whoo. Yeah! * Chantilly Lace had a pretty face * * and a ponytail hanging down. * A wiggle in her walk and a giggle in her talk, * * Lord, made the world go round. * * Ain't nothing in the world like a big-eyed girl * * to make me act so funny, make me spend my money. * * Make me feel real loose like a long-neck goose, * * like a... * Oh, baby, that's-a what I like. * Cho Cho has left the building. * Hey, my name is Cho Cho. * Go ahead and laugh. * Just be careful what you throw my way * * 'cause I can dish it right back. * * The way I see it, if variety is the spice of life, * * I'm a vintage wine. * And on top of that, I'm man's best friend, * * but don't you ever cross that line. * * I'll take you for who you are * * if you'll take me for what I am. * * I can be meaner than a junkyard dog * * or gentle as a newborn lamb. * * I been trained in the school of hard knocks. * * I can push, pull, run nonstop. * * And on my hind legs, I'll do more than just beg. * * I'm a bona fide, borderline cop. * * I'm the one who seeks the truth. * * I have from the start. * I learned it ain't so much your mind. * * You got to follow your heart. * * The way I figure it, * I can't dwell on yesterday, * * 'cause I can't change the past. * * I got to look ahead and not behind. * * For me, life goes by fast. *
* I'll take you for who you are * * if you'll take me for what I am. * * I can be meaner than a junkyard dog * * or gentle as a newborn lamb. * * I been trained in the school of hard knocks. * * I can push, pull, run nonstop. * * And on my hind legs, I'll do more than just beg. * * I'm a bona fide, borderline cop. * * It don't matter what others may say. * * We can make this work. * But don't mind me if the mood should strike. * * This dog's known to dig a little dirt. * * * I'll take you for who you are * * if you'll take me for what I am. * * 'Cause I can be meaner than a junkyard dog * * or gentle as a newborn lamb. * * I been trained in the school of hard knocks. * * I can push, pull, run nonstop. * * And on my hind legs, I'll do more than just beg. * * I'm a bona fide, borderline cop. * * On my hind legs, I'll do more than just beg. * * I'm a bona fide, borderline cop. * Good God, what size is yours, then? You're one of the few people in this office with no chance of ever knowing, Charles. This is the Forte. They've just brought it in at Beanies. What's that? The Piccolo? Even if your drinks weren't penis substitutes... You'd know all about those. Bet you've got a drawer-full. You shouldn't buy coffee from Froth's or Beanies.
Every sip from one of those places is raping Colombia and enriching an American corporation. Yes, well. Morning! Well, frankly, the little Italian cafe that you patronise can hardly be called a pattern of ethical virtue. It's like something out of the Sopranos, isn't it? Thank-you. Milk in first, leaf not bag? I just followed the e-mail. MARTIN: Sorry you're late, Cat. Overslept? Oh... yes. I left her sleeping. You slept with him? Christ, no. If I'd had sex with Jamie, I'd have left the house earlier than usual. I was up late watching these. The boxed set of Friends, including the lost episode and network trailers. Oh, dictionary corner, Jamie. The government needs a word for its new policy announcements. They can't call it a relaunch - they've had three already this year. I think there's a Thesaurus on this. There are no synonyms for relaunch. Oh. Technology failure, everyone. Jamie's having to fall back on his brain. "A New Beginning"? That gives the impression that they're changing tack. They are! We know that.
But they want panic to look like consistency. What about "Same Shit, New Bucket"? JAMIE: "The Big Ideas"? Then they'd get sued for misrepresentation. It would be so much easier if politics were like software. They could just call it Bollocks 1, Bollocks 1.1, Bollocks XP Home Edition... Oh, look, there's a story about our Fatties campaign... TV: Profits of up to 30%. Business commentators say the shift reflects recent bad publicity over obesity in Britain and a government campaign on healthy eating. With me is the Shadow Health Secretary John Kennedy. Mr Kennedy, isn't this a triumph for the government? Their healthy eating message getting through? No, I don't accept that. But the government has just run a huge advertising campaign with the slogan... Don't Be A Fat-Head, and fast-food chains can't give chips away. You're saying it's coincidence? Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Can't they get beyond just disagreeing with the other side? It's so unsophisticated. Yes, I know. The trick is compliments with a sting. This government's doing a great job, if you like extremism, political correctness, cronyism... Look, this hasn't happened because the government's paid some smart PR firm to convince people they want to be thin... Oh, hasn't it? I must say, I'm very glad to see our healthy eating campaign for the government is getting through. Though remind me not to use you as a spokesman. PR, young Jamie is about theory not practice. A philosopher may well be able to argue that a table doesn't exist, in principle.
But he can still have his dinner off one. Why is the public junking junk-food? Because this is about Iraq. The public are voting with their mouths, saying to this government and its bosses in Washington, we're sick of your milk shakes. And I'll go further. In the past, we have boycotted South African wine and Zimbabwean... whatever it is Zimbabwe produces... in order to send messages to regimes despised around the world. I am asking the British public for an economic boycott of another hated administration. Let's stop buying all American food and drink. Say no to a Big Mac, say no to Iraq! I love the smell of a career burning in the morning. You think he's finished? Rule number one of British politics, don't piss in the Atlantic. The Leader of the Opposition won't tolerate Kennedy inventing foreign policy on television. He'll have to sack him for that. It's a smashing place, full of really lovely folk and locations. Namibia's main export is diamonds and, you know, that's right. Because this country is a real gem. Was that "Beautiful Botswana"? "Nice Namibia". It's homework. I always said I'd rather saw off my leg than watch a Peter Harrow programme. Ah, the tone doesn't change much. In his Zimbabwe programme, he said what a lovely smile Mugabe had. Well, now he's invited Alison and me for lunch. He's probably unsure about whether to take the knighthood from the Queen or go straight for beatification from the Vatican. Charles, there's a call from the American Embassy. Send it through upstairs. MAN: OK.
That's the iris scan done. Do we conclude from all this that Britain has been added to the axis of evil? Sir, I have to warn you that humour can become a security issue. OK. Now just a few questions. Is it now... Or has it ever been? Is it now, or has it ever been, your intention to overthrow by force the government of the United States of America? Good lord! Don't tell me that thing can read minds as well? Meanwhile, there's been an escalation of support for the Shadow Health Secretary's call for a boycott of American food and drink. Many restaurants have taken American dishes off their menus. In London, people have been taking their protest against American fast-food outlets to the streets. Oh, the bonfire of the calories. How uplifting. Gentlemen, the government of the United States of America is grateful for your attendance today. Well, it shows your country is more forward-Iooking than people think. I assumed the US Ambassador would be some sort of lard-arsed red-neck. Prejudice can be a terrible thing. Mr Ambassador, Charles Prentiss and Martin McCabe. Your Excellency. J Thompson Lucas IV, Ambassador to the Court of St James. My friends call me Tommy. Gentlemen, I like to start these little meetings with a prayer. O, Lord, may thy wisdom be as a light unto the nations of the world. Amen. Amen! Hear, hear. Absolutely. I'm sorry, gentlemen.
It may be a little stale in here. We've had to switch the air-con off. Students are holding a bagel-burning under the vent. You've met Hazel... under-secretary for public affairs? May we offer you some fine iced tea? You couldn't run to heated-up tea? This is kinda the way we like it. Gentlemen, we have brought you here to help us solve a mystery. Why does everybody hate America? I'll have the clam chowder, please. And a Waldorf salad to start. Easy on the walnuts, if that isn't too much trouble. I'm afraid we don't have either of those dishes today. Oh, Lord. Well, look, I'II, er... You two... I'll have the hamburger. Rare - in fact, tell the chef haemophiliac. We've taken the American dishes off the menu. Most people have the special. What's that? Fish and chips. Right. Christ. It might be cool to have ONE English retro dish on the menu as an ironic option, but not as a theme. Thank you for seeing me at such short notice. If all our clients were as little trouble as you, Prentiss McCabe would go out of business. Ah. I rather feared that's how you see me.
This problem you want us to deal with... Yes. These are the latest press cuttings you sent me. "Is Peter Harrow The Nicest Man In The World?" "The Man I'd Love To Marry." "Britain's Most Shaggable Guy." I don't see the problem. You think these press cuttings are good? But have you seen where they've come from? These two come from Saga magazine. The headline goes on, "The Man I'd Love To Marry When My Husband Dies." This one, "Britain's Most Shaggable Guy." That comes from Sex For The Over-Seventies magazine. You see, I have a reputation for being nice and being old. The last travel show the BBC bought was Chris Moyles Monsters Marbella. The BBC have been sitting on Sublime Sudan for 18 months. Absolutely. That's why I need you to help me. I've had enough of being TV's Mr Nice. I need to be hated! It's unusual. Our job is normally, "She certainly didn't look 14." "He downloaded the images for his new book." That kind of thing. What you need is a reverse makeover. A hate-over! We've had some of the best minds in Washington working on this for a month, and we just do not get it. I mean, America - what's not to like? Um, Korea, Vietnam, Libya, Grenada, Iraq. The movies of Chevy Chase. Malaya, Suez, the Falklands...
Iraq... Benny Hill. Gentlemen, the situation is, as I am being driven through the streets of London now, I see Ronald McDonald burning on bonfires, I see Budweiser being poured down storm-drains. Peanut-butter sales in the UK are down 90% this fiscal. Now, bad enough when the Brits all want to be skinny. But this... this Kennedy guy is running the Boston tea party in reverse. You have an expression, um, "what goes around, comes around." Do you remember that time when you were boycotting Burgundy wine and Evian water? Chirac dissed us on Iraq. Yes. Did it never occur to you that while you were renaming French fries "freedom fries" that someday someone might do the same to you? This Administration accepts that the United States has made enemies. This Administration wishes to make a fresh beginning. We want you to create a campaign that will convince the people of Britain to LOVE America again. I'll get that. I absolutely insist. You're too kind. No, it's the least I can do. I wasn't being English. I mean it. You are too kind. This is what we have to stop. Some other time, maybe. If you'll excuse me, I've got to go. I'm judging an art exhibition. Great Ormond Street. Terminal Ward.
Poor kids. That's great. No, it's better than that. It's perfect. Sit down, have a brandy. Bunk off the sickle exhibition. Pictures of weeping chemo-kids in tomorrow's papers. We couldn't buy better publicity than that. Look, Jamie, maybe this could be like the last bar of chocolate before I go on the diet, eh? Oh! I almost forgot the tip. What a lovely man. Alison, did you miss this meeting? Religion. Little Jimmy Osmond. Neo-Conservatism. Spelling. J-Lo. Excellent. Now, GOOD points about America? Ben Jerry's. Botox. CHARLES: Come on, I know this is difficult. No-one's ever spun a whole country before, but... Well, there are historical examples, but they all involve either changing the name of the country or putting the black population in charge - neither of which will go down tremendously well in Middle America. CHARLES: Oh, come on! Surely the world's only superpower has got more going for it than ice-cream and cosmetic surgery. Right turn on red light if road clear.
I'd bring that in here if I were transport minister. It'd be LEFT turn. Come on, Alison. You haven't said anything yet. I'm not really the person for this. Before John Kennedy was on to this, I was boycotting America. I have nothing to do with the place at all if I can help it. Oh, yes? What's your favourite film then? The Piano. Oh, Christ. Obviously. Well, apart from The Piano? Um, When Harry Met Sally... um, Lost In Translation. Um... Annie Hall. Hardly un-American activities, then. And your favourite TV shows? Um, Friends... Frasier... Seinfeld, er, Will And Grace. I think we may have discovered the truth of world politics. The only people who can be convinced of the point of America are Americans. I think the solution lies at the English end of things. I'm going to ask John Kennedy to have lunch with me. What's the point? You won't stop him spouting anti-American stuff. I don't want to stop him. I want to encourage him to carry on spouting.
The English cod and French fries, please. Oh, tell me, any complaints about the new menu? The occasional American tourist. We send them round the corner to McDonalds. Sir? The all-day full English breakfast for me. And to drink? Oh, tea, tea. And in a blue-and-white striped mug, if you've got one. So, why did you want to see me? Well, as an old college friend... Which you weren't... I'm delighted to see you doing so well. No, you're not. The word at Westminster is that you're working for the American Embassy against me. No, I'm not. Yes, I am. But in PR - we're not like politicians. We don't have to believe everything we do. I'm taking their money because they asked first. But yours is the campaign that really fascinates me. There's never been anything like it in British politics. You've always said you wanted to be this nation's John Kennedy, and now... in a sense... you are. How prescient of your parents to name you after him. I know. When the Lib Dems got a Kennedy for a leader, I thought that had bollocksed it. But people never thought of Jack when they looked at him. No. More Teddy, really. So you want me to believe that you've come here to give me some free advice?
Don't be silly, John! No, in my business, we take a fee off a urinal after pissing in it. Tell me, John, why don't you trust me? Because you're a satanic, amoral double-dealer who's employed by the other side. Well, you're right. I am a total bastard. And I'm playing both sides. But I won't tell my colleagues, my client, the Chancellor of the Exchequer about you, if you think that my advice is worth paying for. Well, I may, when I've heard that advice. Well, we both know, John, that you've always wanted to be leader of the Tory party. What I have in here will transform your career forever. Read it. People will call it the speech of your life. Yes, hello, this is Alison at Prentiss McCabe, leaving a message for Lulu. Um, Lulu, I got your message about whether we can get you on to Celebrity Enema. Um, I've spoken with Channel 4, and it seems that it was just an April Fools spoof in Broadcast magazine. Yep, there's actually no such series. Sorry about that. Cat, could you call Michael Winner and Jeremy Clarkson and tell them the same, please? Thanks. There's a huge picket line of liberals outside, shouting, "America, wake up and smell the coffee!" Right, let's love-bomb the Peter Harrow problem. Cat? Just nudge me a bit. Client or colleague? TV's "Mr Travel". How do we turn Mr Nice into Mr Vice? He could always sleep with your sister at your cousin's wedding. Seems to be an effective method. I'm just using that as a generic example of bad male behaviour.
Although you're famous for never coming up with an idea without researching it. So, what we need is for Peter Harrow to be accused of sexual deviance and falling professional standards. Does he have a mistress who could blab? No. He fell in love with a 14-year old... That's good - the Bill Wyman of TV travel. ...when he was ALSO 14. They've been together 50 years now. Bastard. OK... Incest? No. Only child. JAMIE: It's actually quite hard to come up with anything shocking. 40 years ago, BBC presenters were sacked for getting divorced. Now, if they hump a donkey, they're on the next series of I'm A Celeb. Cat, have you got a copy of Harrow's Super Switzerland episode? Haven't you seen his back catalogue? It's for the American campaign. VOICEOVER: Britain, 2010. A fast-food giant has driven out English restaurants from the high street. If you buy the super-size fondue, you get a free William Tell doll. VOICEOVER: At the local cinema, the latest blockbuster is playing. And home-grown bands don't have a chance of topping the charts. (YODELLING) If there HAS to be a world superpower, aren't you glad it isn't Switzerland? Not bad, Jamie.
Not bad at all. Which is why, Ozzy, I think you're made for the part of Shane in Emmerdale. He is a tramp, yes. Monosyllabic, but it's a great little cameo. He does indeed die in the first episode, but who wants to hang around Emmerdale, watching their career give up the ghost? And you'll be up for Best Guest Artist In A Role of Under Eight Words at the British Soap Awards. You might think you recognised the angry customer screaming at staff in that CCTV footage filmed at a London hotel this week. But then you'll have thought, "It can't be, because Peter Harrow - TV's Mr Nice - "would never do that." Right? Well, wrong, according to the tabloid newspaper which obtained that footage. The Daily News alleges that television's veteran traveller insisted three times on a change of room and responded with four-letter words when staff refused him a fourth move. We're joined by Mr Harrow's PR representative, Jamie Front. I suppose you're going to give us the usual flimflam about this being taken out of context? No. In fact, for those of your viewers who lack lip-reading skills, what Mr Harrow is saying on the footage is... "I realise that, in the pathetic little country you come from, "beds are not a high priority "because the women sleep on brothel cots and the men on mortuary slabs. "But I have walked on marble floors in Spanish cathedrals "which were more comfortable than what you laughingly call a mattress. "If you and the other Colombian drug mules "behind the reception desk weren't so busy "dashing to the lavatory to retrieve the condoms full of cocaine "floating around your bellies, "then maybe you'd have some time for your customers." Then he goes on to compare the bar staff with the Nazi party... but you get the general idea. I do. Impressively honest as well. But who do you think leaked this video to the press?
It was clearly somebody determined to destroy Peter Harrow's reputation. Well, that person may have failed because we're just hearing, Jamie, that Peter Harrow has issued a full apology to the hotel staff involved... and he has agreed to give a charity lecture there. Jamie, that's got to be good news for you as his PR, hasn't it? Yes. That is entirely typical of Peter Harrow. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Force of habit, I suppose. The Times Diary rang me to ask how I felt about the hotel reception thing. I just wasn't thinking, and said, "I'm so terribly sorry." I'm so terribly sorry. I don't think I can forgive John Kennedy for tapioca being the dessert of the day at the Ivy. But I'm going to give you a second chance. I want you to go to Heathrow Airport... The American President last night authorised emergency aid to the US beef and corn industries which have been hit by John Kennedy's campaign against junk food. And there's more bad news for the White House. Mr Kennedy, encouraged by the success of his campaign, has now announced plans to stand against the leader of the opposition. Sources close to the Shadow Health Minister have suggested he'll use his first public appearance since challenging for the leadership to set out the key strategy of his manifesto. Aren't you going to stay and find out who the leader of the opposition is? Very useful for pub quizzes. I thought you said you were going to fix Kennedy. I did, didn't I? Gentlemen, this is a precaution. The FBI has put out an alert about anthrax aftershave. Yeah, I'm sorry, Tara, it was an April Fools joke... Hello. What? Oh, no. Jamie, Peter Harrow's been arrested. If there has to be a world superpower, aren't you glad it isn't Switzerland?
Why everybody loves America. That had a slickness that was almost... American. The rest of it is just variations on the same theme, really. Belgium fills the high street with waffle bars. Canada replaces the Grand National with moose racing - that sort of thing. Excuse me, Mr Ambassador, we're hearing that John Kennedy's going nuclear. Think not about what that country has done to you, but rather what you can still do to that country. (APPLAUSE) This campaign has already had an effect upon our menus. But, my fellow Britons, protest can not be a la carte. What is the point of refusing to eat cheeseburgers, when every Friday night we're helping Julia Roberts or Tom Cruise to buy another yacht? (APPLAUSE) So, tonight, I am calling for a total boycott of all American products. Let our multiplexes say no to Spiderman 3, and run seasons of Peter Greenaway films instead. Let us wear plimsolls instead of Nikes and British Home Stores slacks instead of Levi's... Well, I don't think that frightening English folks with the idea of fondue and Heidi at the movies is gonna be enough, do you? Ma'am, the FBI FedExed this. Ah, the Kennedy dossier. Surveillance confirms that Charles Seymour Prentiss has been secretly advising the Kennedy campaign. Where exactly IS Guantanamo Bay? Oh, come on, haven't you learnt your lesson yet about not trusting what you read in dossiers? This was all part of the same campaign. Like Kennedy calling for the total economic isolation of the USA was gonna help us? It's a point. Look, British politics has always been Diet Coke. I spun Kennedy into giving them "the real thing". Kennedy's speech showed people what it would be like to be English, to be REALLY English - the films, the clothes, the food. Now, to use a quaint American expression of yours, that is so NOT what the British people want.
I guarantee you, there'll be a run on Egg McMuffins by lunchtime. I can't believe we're celebrating a client's arrest. Is it true that you hit a Virgin check-in girl? It was pure luck. I booked myself into economy, like Jamie said. All ready to get drunk and be rude to the working classes. But the check-in girl said that my programmes were her parents' only comfort during their terminal illnesses. I said I didn't want an upgrade, she said I had to. So... BOOM! Good man. Absolutely. I start filming in Beirut on Tuesday. I thought you'd covered Beirut already. That was Beautiful Beirut. This is different - grittier. I'm A Celebrity Hostage. (MOBILE BLEEPS) God. What? "Tory leadership contender, John Kennedy, shot." Well, he always said he wanted to be Britain's JFK, didn't he? Chungeorahm Film Presents ln Association with OCN FilmBank Chungeorahm Film Production GOH Doo-shim SON Byung-ho, kim Yoo-suk kim Ye-ryung, PARK Won-sang LEE Hye-eun PARK Chung-sun, BAN Min-jung CHAE Jung-ahn Producer/ LEE Kyung-hyun shin Yang-jung, CHOl Yong-bae
Production Investor/ chol Yong-bae Producer/ chol Hyuck Executive Producer/ Yun Jong-yun Director of Photography / chol Chan-kyoo Gaffer/ Kim Dong-Ho Written Directed by KOO Sung-joo Long Winding Road Digging and digging and digging again. No strength left to get back home. Where am I to go? I just want to have a nice meal and rest in peace. What a cursed girl I was. Bringing bad harvest and drought as my dowry. Bringing bad harvest and drought as my dowry. It's all my fault. Oh, how endless the scolding was. The life I had was not a life, indeed. Are Eun-young's wedding plans going well? Of course. I'm taking good care of everything. Do a good job in place of Ma, okay? Don't worry. Take out the weeds not the precious ginseng. Oh no! You had me for a second. How is this ginseng! Let me see that. Never mind. Oh, Ma came out. Mother, you should stay inside. It's not like there's anything better to do with my body. Plus, I'm still pretty darn strong.
I better work hard to avoid being named a lazy old hag. Nothing compares to Ma's noodles. Of course not. Mother, you want to go to Eun-young's wedding, right? How many years has it been since you had motion sickness? I fainted the year I turned forty. Try counting the years since. I spent too much energy giving birth to Eun-young at my old age. Ma, couldn't you just act crazy clench your teeth and get in the car? Just close your eyes and ride it out? Are you saying that because you really don't know? My head spins the second my foot is off the ground. Anyway, I just hope the wedding goes well . It doesn't matter if I go or not. It's because the family is disappointed. She doesn't say anything but I can see that Eun-young wants you to be there. Don't worry. Mother, I'll be extra careful . Dead or alive, your dad was always the only one that had it easy... Our little girl is getting married. Excuse me, ma'am. Ma'am, do you have some water by any chance? Standing under the blazing sun all day is making me thirsty. Wow, that's great. It's ice cold. You saved my life. Thanks, ma'am. Isn't it hard to stand like that all day? ... You know how all sorts of things happen in life?
Just think of it like that and laugh it off. Why do you look so tired? Are you all right? It's a long story. Oh, I see. No matter how dizzy you feel that's just how the world is. Then you can just walk. It's simple. Just walk to the wedding. But it's so far. Eighty miles at least. They say it's all downhill after the first step. Let's just walk there. I wonder if I could do it... I've never walked so far... Nam ln-su/ A serenede of sorrow Where did you say you were going for your honeymoon? I remember you telling me but I forgot. Cambodia. Eun-young, are you really going to Cambodia for your honeymoon? is there anything to see? Isn't it just full of mine fields? Huh? Mine fields? We're going backpacking in Angkor Wat. A friend of mine went there last year on her honeymoon. According to what she said it seems pretty cheap and fun. That must be so great, Eun-young. I wonder when I'll ever get to travel abroad...
Honey, we should plan a trip overseas sometime. That's some spoiled talking. Then when will we pay off all our debts? That isn't always the case. You can do it for a couple hundred bucks, if you look around. - Really? - l have some money saved up I'll treat Mother Jae-young and Ja-myung to China. You get to travel to China thanks to Yong-tae, Mother. Aren't you happy? Of course. Let's travel and benefit from having a good son-in-law. - You have to keep that promise. - Don't worry. Big brother helped out a lot with the wedding dowry. - Aw, it was nothing. - Better make a lot of money. - have some more. - Thanks. Talk is good and all , but how is Mother going to travel anywhere? It's like having a license without a car. Watch your tongue. Mother, I think dinner's all ready... Learn to be patient and try to make things work in your new life. Don't worry about me, Mom. I'll be fine. You must be disappointed about missing the wedding. It's okay... I'm sorry.
I should've had it nearby... Don't say that. I don't want to ruin one of the most important events in your life. I mean... thein-lawswouldn't have been happy about it either. Hey, scratch my back. Come on, you old hag. Get up and scratch my back. Well? Scratch my back al ready. It's driving me nuts. What are you doing here? I mean, you're dead. I came to see if you're cheating on me. You know what they say about widows... You're not seeing any old farts, are you? Who knows if you haven't been up to something in the afterlife. They say that even when womanizers die they die near the fences of a whorehouse. What a mouth. You did great... even through the bad times. Do you even know? I'm rotting away on the inside. All the more reason to go to that wedding even if you have to walk there. Mother, are you up? Did you have a dream? There's food, right? Bring some over. That's why I'm asking you for a small favor. I'll do my best. Anyway, you must be exhausted from walking all those miles.
It's not some big deal ... So, you're telling me that she's walking to the wedding? Yes, that's what I'm saying. She's really determined to do so. I don't think just stopping her will be the solution. Jae-young, do you think her body can handle that? If she received Marine training before she leaves, but otherwise... I still think it would be too much for her. Mother is a lot more determined than she looks. I'm flat out against it. It's absolute nonsense. It's freaking far from here to Mokpo. And she's gonna walk all the way there? I'm telling you it was no use trying to stop her. You know how stubborn she can get. So you didn't talk her into it? If Mother walks to Mokpo I'll have to walk beside her. Why would I dig my own grave? You're just bringing up nonsense. At her pace how many days do you think it'll take for her to get there? Either way, she'll barely make it. If only she had decided beforehand. But even if she leaves tomorrow she'll have to walk well over 1 6 km per day. My goodness, 1 6 km? What if she collapses or gets sick on the way? We might end up holding a funeral instead of a wedding. Honey, watch what you're saying... Anyway, it's going to be one heck of a walk. She's suddenly become Mao Ze-dong. Now that's what you call a painful march.
Nevertheless, I don't think anything will stop her... Did she mention why she has to be at the wedding? Since she got back from a temple. Something she wants to give to Eun-young herself, I hear. And what's that? Since Grandma can't ride cars because of her dizziness, We can just think up a different method. I think a helicopter would do the trick. That's out of the question. Where will we ever get one? It can't be cheap to rent one for sure. Why don't we go to the closest dock and take a boat? Now, make yourself comfortable Ma. - l can't take this anymore. - Ma. - l'm dying here... - Ma! I'm dying... Captain, turn the boat around. Hurry up and turn around. The boat is out, because the waves make her queasy. Dad, can't you carry her on your back? Carry her on my back? You know, with the Marine spirit! That's right. If becoming a Marine were easy I would never have volunteered. Even Hemingway once said that should he ever encounter impending danger, he would want none other than a Marine by his side... 'Who is that man' 'standing fearlessly in the middle of the vast ocean? ' 'He is a Marine.'
'Evil has no power in the presence of a Marine.' Goodness, I can't. It's too dizzy. I'm sorry, but please put me down. Maybe if we give her sleeping pills or anesthesia She'll be there before she knows it... It's going to be difficult. Considering your age, lt's dangerous to take sleeping pills let alone anesthesia. How about a carriage? Now, what are you doing blocking the way? Ma, isn't this great? You're flying like a bird! Oh my... Like a bird? My ass. I'm dying here. I'm gonna throw up. This isn't working. Hey, hurry and take us down. Ma's dying. Dear, let's get going. She'll be done with her hair by now. Just know that Mother and I are leaving tomorrow. - Goodbye. - See You later. Okay, let's get going. I really think we're pushing the limit here. I mean, I understand better than anyone how you feel , But you shouldn't do this. Ma, you can't go.
There's no way you can make it. What are you doing? Take her back home. What are you gonna do if she gets sick? We weren't disappointed that you couldn't come to our wedding. Ma... Gracious were there this many scarecrows? is the family going on an outing ma'am? You must be so tired. I'm on my way to the wedding in Mokpo. So you finally decided to walk there? That's great. If I take it step by step, I'm sure we'll be there before the wedding. Then I'll see you when you get back. Hold on a second. It's hot outside so you should take this. No, it's okay. You don't have to do this... Thank you, ma'am. It's only a parasol . Look at all these flowers. Did you plant all these? Well ... You know that you'll meet all sorts of people on the road. I promise to return this favor if you ever need my help. Aren't you sick of playing a scarecrow? It's sad to watch. There's no way you can understand me. Do you really believe this will change anything? How will people ever understand my amazing sublimity?
It's going to be a long journey so take care of your mother. But... Wherehaveall those sparrows gone? You're relentless. Why are you making these scarecrows anyway? To avoid being lonely. Even if everyone leaves this way I won't be lonely. I have no idea what you're talking about. is it good? You're right? Do you really have to go? What are you saying? I'm just saying that the road is very harsh... Don't say useless things. My precious child is getting married. And after all I learned how to read and write at this old age thanks to Eun-young... F-a-t-h-e-r is... Like before? Going? Going home. Good job Mom. The way I see it you have the smarts for studying... it's just that you never went to school . Oh, hush... someone might hear you. Being illiterate is nothing to brag about. Mom, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You know they say that learning is for a lifetime. Who cares if people know? Hey everybody!
My mom is learning to read and write! Gracious. Still , it's embarrassing so lower your voice. - Oh, all right. - Someone might hear. Let's start from here again. Beautiful sky! There's a lot of dragonflies around here. But it's a worrysome. Lots of dragonflies means it's gonna rain soon. - Oh no. - We better hurry. Gee, who told you that kind of stuff. Whoa, since you've become literate at your age, you've become so smart. Ma, over here! Let's go this way Ma. Mountains and people alike everything gets winkled with age. Ma, can I ask you something? What do you need to give Eun-young at the wedding? It's nothing at all ... I shouldn't have brought it up in the first place. You can just whisper it to me. Really, it's nothing. - Are you done? - Where are you coming from? I just went to see the mayor of the village. - The mayor, for what? - we need to sleep, right? I asked around and thankfully he offered us the town hall . - How thoughtful of him.
- That's good. Mother, is the walking okay? Ja-myung said, it's like a picnic I'm having a pretty good time. We can use a shortcut tomorrow we're taking the mountain course. - Will that be okay with you? - That's actually great. It would be much better than walking on hard cement. Plush soil is the easiest to walk on. Ma, what are you doing? It's okay. I'll do it. Ma! your second son Dae-yong is home. Ja-myung? Hyo-eun? Gun-hoo? Grandma, it's real sunny out. You can take these later. What are they? Sunglasses. That's just a toy for children. - Will you hand me my cell phone? - Yes. Try it on. I'll escort Mom until sunset. You both really should rest. - You don't need to. - But, how? All I have to do is follow the road. Yeah, but today's route is all hills and mountains. Come on, Jae-young lf mom can do it, I'm sure I can.
Hello? Jae-young, it's me. Where are you? I'm downtown right now. I heard you're accompanying Ma. Sure sounds like our Ma. How can I miss Eun-young's wedding. I heard that you al ready left with her. Why are you bringing that up? Okay, don't worry. So where are you now? Where? What would you like? Take off the stem of a watermelon pour some honey over it. Take out the seeds. Would you like the juicy red part with? No, I don't. Then what would you like? Perhaps a pear instead? No, I don't want that either. Ma, I'm here. Bo-hyun, your uncle is here. Ja-myung! Do I have to keep wearing these? I feel stuffy. Well then, You can take them off and give them to me. Yeah... buttheywere our baby's present... They're just toys. Here, give them to me. - Dae-yong, just wait a second.
- Why? What are you carrying that around for? This? I brought this because of Ma. I thought you might feel lonely. It should be okay about here pretty quiet. You ready? I figured Ma might be bored on her walk so I recorded some oldies? You know Ma's a big fan of Nam ln-su. What a surprise. Ma, you got a great son here. Let's get going. Isn't it good? Hey, it's this way. Really? Ma, you like it, huh? It's fantastic. - Are you sure? - There's no other way? If we don't go this way it'll take longer. I didn't know it either. Holy crap! What are you doing? Don't come near me. Come here, Ma. - l almost burst. - that must feel good. How about you, Ma? Don't need to pee? It's okay.
Damn, it's hard to go to a wedding. Who would believe this? Oh, man... Are you sure there's no other way? Jae-young said we won't even make it if we go around. We have to go across this to get to the wedding. What a life this is... Ma, just try to get over. Just close your eyes. That's exactly what I'm doing... Are we there yet? ... I'm dying here... Did Jae-young have any clue... It's killing you, Mom. Ma, just pretend, this is a regular fleshed-paved road. This damned vertigo. What are we doing? It's hopeless. Eun-young, my baby... Your mother's dying here. Ma, are you all right? Hang on. Why is it so shaky? - Let's get it together now. - Ma, hang on. Hang on, just a little bit. Hello? Eun-young... Okaydear...
Let's rest a little bit. - Ma, let's have a break. - Well ... You better be good to Mom. Look at the trouble she's putting herself through. Yes, hang on. I'll pass it on to Ma. Mom, it's Eun-young. Right... - Hello. - Mom. Hello? Yes, it's Mom... Why are you crying all of a sudden? Now I'm getting all teary-eyed... Honey, please don't cry. Mom, why did you have me? It wasn't me. Your horny dad just wouldn't let me sleep at night. Don't cry too much. I know. Your eyes will get puffy. It's tough for you, isn't it? I'm fine, so don't worry. I'm serious. Stop crying. Jesus, look at you. You're too thin. Just look at you. From all of those troubles of being on your own.
Look at your legs how thin they are. You poor thing. Stay here while I check ahead. I don't know anything not anything. Don't ask me cause I haven't got a clue. Suede... suede...boots. They are only for the Marines. - You're all tense. - That feels good. Ma, I'm your favorite, right? Mother, how are you holding up? - Are You hurt anywhere? - l am just fine And dandy. How are you doing, honey? Was it decent to walk? Although the heat was aggravating... like Ja-myung said it was a great picnic. Good job. How about you, Dae-yong? Easy walk? Don't say a word. If Mom decides to walk to Young-chul's wedding I'm gone. That's for sure. You weren't too bad for an alcoholic... Jae-young... Just one more day left, huh? You did good today. Go home and rest up. - You too, Gi-young. - Yes?
- Thanks. - No, it was nothing. I wish you all the best. I'll see you at the wedding, sir. Victory! Dae-yong, don't fight with Jae-young on the way. What am I , a child? I'm not gonna fight. Quit nagging and go home al ready. - Okay, we're leaving. - Sure. - Drive safely. - We're leaving. Where are you going? Aren't you gonna sleep? A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. That doesn't answer my question. I'm just gonna have a few cups of booze. to get all this dust out of my mouth. It needs to be cleansed. You're just a mess. Excuse me, ma'am can you give us a better appetizer? What would you like to order? Give us some of that marinated chicken. Coming right up. The only thing that hasn't changed with you is that obsession with chicken. Oh, damn. Why are you grumbling about someone else's taste? I'm just a little frustrated you hopeless idiot. Aren't you embarrassed to face your brothers and sisters?
You're over forty for crying out loud so start acting your age. What are you gonna do about it? Aren't you gonna pour me some? What are you saving your own hands for? Your wife's breasts? Or maybe they're for the ass. Hey, that's funny. I'm an idiot for trying. Come here, everbody. What the hell is this? Ugh. Shit. I'm completely screwed. I don't think it's going to stop raining anytime soon. Mother, what should we do? Hey, should we go rent some movies? I mean... weshouldatleast watch that while it rains. Then should I call a coffee shop and order coffee? Ma, you want some tea? Mother, let's head back now. You've come far enough Mom. Get up, we have to go eat. You gotta have a good breakfast if you want to walk all day today. Come on. Are your ears just for decoration? You can have it, mom. I can't finish it anyway... it's too much. Did you drink a lot last night? I just wanted a glass of Makgulli to wash out my mouth
Thanks to Jae-young nagging the heck out of me. Did I pour it down your throat? You drank it with your own two hands. You disrespectful asshole, you can't even reason between fact and fiction. Why are you two bickering over a meal ... Jae-young, will we arrive in Mokpo today, if we walk all day? Yes, I think it'll nearly be enough. You don't know for sure. You can't even tell what's right in front of you... andthat'slife. So how do you know what's going to happen tonight? Especially, considering how the rain won't stop. What the hell are you hitting me for? Even dogs are left alone during a meal ... and you hit me with a spoon? You dare raise your voice to me? Do I need to slap you around for you to get some sense back? Sure, go ahead and try me. Make my day. What the heck are you two doing? Are you trying to test my patience? This is just great with a family event coming up and all . Just forget about everything. What did I do to deserve this? If you two want to fight, go ahead. It's all useless, so forget it and do whatever you want. You're the same, Mom. Why are you putting everyone through so much trouble? What are you talking about? I'm saying that it's pouring outside, yet we're walking like crazy all the way to Mokpo... and it's making me boil with anger that's all
- Goodness. - What are you trying to say? You, just shut your mouth. I'm doing this all for you, Mom. You're saying this out of concern, are you? You worthless bastard. Mom, I'm sorry. Please calm down. Let's get you out of the rain. Mom, I'm sorry. I won't go, then... I just won't go... Come on Mom. You're not mad, are you? You can't give up now after all that... Ma. Ma! Excuse me. Let me have some more Kimchi here. Damn, that's good. Ma, I'm so sorry. Ma? Ma. Mother. What are you doing? Ma, are you okay? My shoes are all ruined. Are you sure you're okay? - And they're expensive ones too. - Should we take a break, Ma?
Have a drink. A glass or two is good for ya. This is Bae Ho, right? Wow, how did you know? His voice sure was nice back in the day. Shame that he died so early. Oldies sure are the best aren't they? They just touch you in such a way... Music these days don't sound Korean anymore. It's impossible to understand what they're singing. That's the truth. Good music needs... its joys and sorrows and has to touch someone's heart. You should become sorry for yourself but then the song should pick you back up. That's what music is. Wow, our Mom is a genius. Where did you learn that fancy talk? No one taught me... Some things you just learn as you go. You think Ma is ignorant like you? You just keep saying stupid things. Here we go again. Why do you always have a problem with me? Would it hurt to listen to Mom and be a little encouraging? Oh, damn. I wonder what our Yeon-hwa is doing. I wonder if she's thinking of me. Mother... I'm sorry. That wretched girl .
She doesn't even deserve to die. She doen't even need Ma. What am I , now? What am I? Ma, what's wrong? You lose something? What did you lose? Mom, did you lose money or something? But your hands were empty. Come on. Look carefully. No... It'sno bigdeal... Tell us what it is. It's hard to think straight with you two fighting! Ma'am, the rain must have made it harder for you. What brings you here? I said I'd return the favor so I'm here to keep my promise. Looking for this? Oh my, where did you find this? It dropped when you were putting on the raincoat. How did you know... Amazing reality! Strange things happen in life you know? Well then, I've got to hurry back. A farmer will be ransacking the village for his missing bike. Oh, one more thing... Would it be okay if I attended the wedding? Oh, of course. After all , you did find this for me.
Well ... Ma, have a seat. It's nice and cool . Wanted/ PARK Dae-yong Ma, you want some cold water? Sure. Bring us over a glass of cold water here. Didn't you have to go? That's why we came, right? It's okay... What? I thought you were just dying to go... You keep holding it in and it'll turn on you. Hurry on over and let it out. It's not easy for me either, okay? I'm doing it for the good of the family. What in the world is he talking about? Come on Ma. Let's go. We got a long way ahead and the water is bad here. - Hurry up. - Okay, okay. Let's go Ma. Ma. You hurry up now. Ma, is something wrong? You shouldn't sin... Look at me I can't even shit when I want to. How did lend up like this... It doesn't look too bad. - No, I don't think I can.
- l'll try going in first. - Oh No, son. - Don't worry Ma. - Stop! Don't go in! - Water is my buddy. - Goodness gracious. - lt's all right, Ma. You go and rest over there. - lt's not so bad. - lt's very deep. - Are you sure? - Yeah. It doesn't even come up to my waist. Oh my goodness. Son! Jae-young! Oh no. Son! My baby! Jae-young! Ma. Ma! Hey, big brother! Ma! Ma! Ma! Hold on, Ma. Come on. Jae-young.
It doesn't look that bad. Let's just try it. Contestant number one! Ready, set, go! Look at all the lovely colors. These red and blue ones look like the ducks on old marriage beds and the yellow ones look like baby chicks. But... here I am old and withering. You think I'm pretty? Each wrinkle on my forehead is like each of your petals? You want to congratulate my daughter's wedding? Why, you flowers are pretty inside and out. Take care. Seems it was too much for her after all . Mom, are you okay? What do you mean? Mom, it's hot out, huh? It's so hot today, I'm going crazy. I can only imagine how bad it must be for you. It's okay, so don't hide it and tell me what's wrong. Tell you what? What am I hiding? Well , before... with the flowers, Ma. Never mind. It's nothing. Ma... Ma.... Just thinking about your dad makes me laugh. I wonder why he was in such a rush to go so strangely.
The rain just keeps on falling over Samgakji Rotary... You like me that much, eh? Don't make a fuss in the middle of the street... I just need to pee over here. You're the prettiest lady in the whole world. Why isn't it coming out? The rain keeps falling over the rotary... Damn. Why is Dad's death so funny, ma? You don't think it's funny? I think it's hilarious. Which way is it? Doesn't anyone have a clue? Why are you so disgusting? It's this way. Ma, over here. Come on, let's go. It's this way. That way is... Let's just follow her. What's that? Mok-Po 1 6km San-Yi 0, 5km That says Mokpo, right? Yes, we're almost there now. It's weird to see you read so good. All thanks to Eun-young. She came over every weekend to teach me. Ma, let's keep it up. Hey, who do we have here? Isn't this Young-ok?
How long has it been? Let me hug my beautiful little sister. Hey, you dumb idiot... what are you doing to a nun? What's going on here? Were you waiting for us the whole time? I sure was. Since before sunset. How did you know that we were coming this way? Someone told you, didn't they? Who'd ya talk to? Buddha came to me in my dreams last night. I just can't understand her... She was the smartest and prettiest out of all of us, ... sowhyin theworlddid she become a Buddhist nun? You know something about it Jae-young? No. I went with Ma once in high school because I got suspended. I couldn't even stand one day. What's so great about it? What do you think Jae-young? I don't know. Anyway, do you think it's true that Buddha told her in her dreams? You think she lied? Do nuns lie too? It could happen. Man, you're damn annoying. No response whatsoever. Why do you have to be so uptight? Holy shit.
I just thought of my card, okay? Happy now? What card? You idiot you're a rotten thief. I should've called the cops on you that time. You were lucky you were my brother. Who steals from their brother? Huh? Steal his credit card and took out 3 million Won? Three grand is a lot of money. - Do you even have a clue? - l have no idea. They didn't make credit cards so fools like you could go out and use them. Why don't you use your head for once? Use your head outside the barbershop too. It's not a freaking paper weight. It's there for a reason. So how long has it been since you became a nun? Six years now. It's been that long? Life is like a jar of honey saved up for special times. You eat it little by little and it's gone before you even know it. Your words sound a little discouraging. If you think about it life is just a sad journey. Although it's stupid wasting time fighting over little things, You bet there are people out there fighting even now. Do you know how much I missed you? I prayed to Buddha so many times. I always asked that he keep my Young-ok healthy, over and over again. At least if you were in prison I could visit you...
I'm afraid I'll bother you being here. Do you have any idea how hard it is to stop seeing you? Mother... Mom, I'm sorry... How can I even ask for forgiveness? I thought it was supposed to be like that. Toiling in the fields all day, freezing your hands doing the laundry in winter, and not taking care of yourself. I just thought that's the way things were. You miss Grandma, don't you. When you said you miss Grandma I didn't take it seriously until I saw you crying one night crouching in the corner. I realized then that things weren't supposed to be that way. It took too long to figure it out. I now know that you're the Buddha in me. No. I never said it but I was always so proud of you that you had become a nun. Not everyone can devote their life to Buddha. Young-ok. Once in my childhood, my mother licked a splinter out of my eyes. It felt so much better. Your grandma just loved those persimmons. She would joke and tell me to bury her under a persimmon tree. I can still feel the touch of her cheeks on my fingertips. Young-ok, do you know how I felt when I got the call? If her eyes were closed I would say, 'Ma, just rest and go to Dad.'
'Then you won't have to hurt anymore.' But I ran to her and the moment I saw her face, I begged her to just open her eyes one more time. I asked how she could leave so sudden. I still felt like she'd be smiling there if I turned around. Young-ok, ln the next life I hope your Grandma and I could switch places. I'd give her everything and make up for the things I couldn't give in this life. Young-ok I don't know if you'll understand. In this world my mother was like a mirror to me. Mom, this is the Youngsan River Haguwon embankment. Impressive, isn't it? I only heard about it. First time I'm seeing it. Just like they said it's freaking big. Mom, we're finally here. As soon as we cross the embankment it's Mokpo. Mom, you did well . I'm so proud of you You did good, Ma. You too, big brother. Ma, Ma, let's go. Even if it hails, even if it rains even if the apocalypse is upon us let's go. Go! Go! Go! Ma, let's giddy up. Ma, all the cars passing by making you dizzy? I'm okay as long as I don't look.
Don't worry about me and keep going. Ma, you okay? - You're good, right? - keep your head up, Ma. What the hell are you carrying around that piece of shit for anyway? I don't know... Guess I just grown attached to it. This right here's something, indeed. Isn't he, Ma? It's all a fallacy... a fallacy. To get your mind off the road the two brothers will put on a show A boatman's song lt becomes vague. We're finally here, Ma. Yeah! We're here! - You guys came too. - Grandma! How are you? Hey, Young-chul . is Ma important or your lectures more important? If you knew that she was walking to Mokpo, you should've been walking beside her. What are you doing showing up now? Am I right or what Jae-young? Yes, you should've come earlier. Eun-young will die from all the waiting. We should hurry on inside now... - Mom, let's go in. - Do the right thing, now! - Let's go. - Mam!
Ma, let's go in. Grandma go in first. Our Mom is quite something. Ma is really something all right. Yes, more than great! It was worth the long journey to come here. Eun-young looks beautiful doesn't she? Eun-young! Hey little sister. Ma's here. Come on Ma, over here. Mom. Mom... Mom... Baby, stop crying now. You'll ruin your makeup. I'm here now. Why are you crying? Mom... mom...mama... I'm so sorry. What are you sorry for? Mom, I really love you. I love you too, honey. Wait a minute. You know what this is? It's a lucky charm. The head father drew it himself. Make sure you stick this on top of your door. You'll be rid of bad luck and ghosts and left only with good luck. You got it? ... Yes,Mom...
And this here is a letter. I almost killed myself writing this letter. 'For my dear baby' 'the first thing that comes to mind is how much I miss you.' 'Always obey your new in-laws with respect' 'and have a wonderful life.' And now, in the presence of all the guests, We will begin the wedding of groom CHOl Yong-tae, PARK Eun-young. Mother, my little girl is beautiful isn't she? My baby's all grown up. Mother, it felt like the world collapsed when you went away... But now I look back and realize that you never left. Thinking of you watching over me helped me to get through all these years. I wondered how I would get through it. I had to go see my baby's lovely face. I couldn't have come here without you holding my hand. Really, I thank you so much. a 1 4-week-old baby boy blurts his first words, 'Mommy, Mommy' as soon as he opens his mouth. Looking at daddy he says 'Mommy,' looking at the road he says 'Mommy,' 'Mommy' at the mountain 'Mommy' at the fields, 'Mommy' at the Poplar tree at the side of the road. Even at the wind that blows in between he yells 'Mommy, Mommy. . .' Sitting atop a boulder he cries 'Mommy, Mommy. . .' Even at the stream flowing by the river he cries 'Mommy, Mommy. . .' Previously on Commander in Chief: - The president had a stroke. - Do I take the oath? Madam Vice President. We need you to resign. I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna take the oath of office.
The president of the United States! You have a country full of people who believe in you. Those are the nominees I can guarantee I can get through Congress. I want you to be my chief of staff. They don't see me as a spouse. They see me as an advisor. Do yourself a favor, Rod. Stay in your lane. - I went to public school. - So I have to go too. Templeton's not choosing my vice president. - She's picked somebody. - Warren Keaton. - What's going on, Jayne? - Mackenzie Allen needs to show respect. If you want a man who's worth a damn in this job, you gotta make this job worth a damn. He won't be confirmed. Not with what I know. With all due respect, this visit is not a negotiation with the Russians. It's a pre-approved package, a photo op. A goodwill tea party with the Russians. No items on the table that haven't been agreed to. Implicit in a State Visit's the idea that the pact's been signed. But by the previous administration. I have yet to weigh in on any issues... Can't take the chance of derailing your first summit. - It's too public a venue for missteps. - I wasn't planning on making any. - I'm simply asking. - Kharkov is not the guy you want to talk to about jailed dissident journalists.
Ma'am, the truth is our nascent administration - needs the win more than his does. - All right. Big day tomorrow. Let's all try to get some rest. Thank you. I had the Russia desk translate a few phrases for you. - Thank you. - Good luck tomorrow. Thank you. For a second, I thought I was being handed a script to read from. Increases in natural gas production. Forward movement on the Russian-American space station. We're accomplishing some big things here. Yet human rights still don't make the list. Not this time. - Madam President. - Thank you. - Hey. - Oh, good for you. Teddy's head never even hit the pillow the night before his first State Visit. Hmm. He spent half the night practicing his salute in the mirror. President Bridges always seemed like a rock. It's funny to think of him as nervous. Don't worry. You're gonna be wonderful tomorrow. - Thank you. - Or rather, today. - Good night.
- Good night. So my chief of staff won't even discuss bringing up the - dissident journalists with Kharkov. - Mm-hm. He's just... You know, he shuts me down every time. Just starts lecturing me. Oh, lectures. Lectures are bad. - Right? - Hmm. Get to bed. You just gotta learn to turn off your mind. - Mmm... - Uh-huh... You can't claim to have a free society if you don't have a free press. - No... - Mmm... Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! - Mommy! - I'm coming! - Honey, you OK? - Baby, it's OK. You're having a bad dream. It's OK. Oh... What happened? I couldn't find you.
I was looking all over for you and I couldn't find you. OK. Well, I'm here now. I'm here. Mommy's here. Baby. - Everything all right, ma'am? - She had a nightmare. - Go. Go. - She's OK. Sorry, sir. My eggs are overcooked. - I like the yolks runny. Yours OK? - Perfect. I'll remind the chef. Stay out of trouble last night? Yeah, it was fine. I had dinner at... Oh, completely forgot. I ran into General Keaton last night at The Palm. You what? Did her esteemed vice-presidential candidate have anything to say? Said he was looking forward to the confirmation hearing. Wondered if you'd send the questions in advance. The wanker. - What'd you tell him? - I said he was wearing a nice tie. He was the toast of the room last night.
He and his wife. You have to pick up the NSA in 20 minutes. Yeah. It's going to be a challenging day for our president. I think by the end of it she may well wish that she were back running her school. Good morning. Got some fresh chocolate-chip muffins for you today. Sam, what are you doing to me? You know I have a gown to fit into tonight. Have you seen Amy's subtraction workbook? Uh... I saw it under the portrait of Coolidge. - You seen this? - What? - Op-ed piece. - The Times? Post. Hey! Hey, I'm the president. Go get yourself another muffin. Yeah, there's something like that in The Times too. I know. Thank you, Sam. They're all the same. Will I be able to handle the summit, whether I'll confront Kharkov on his country's retreat from civil liberties. Hey, Horace. Have you seen my biology book? - I don't know. - Look under Coolidge. Good morning.
Wanna make sure we're up to speed for the state dinner this evening. Wait, that state dinner thing's tonight? Yes. Very exciting, isn't it? - Bye, Daddy. - Bye. - Bye, baby. - See ya. - Come on, guys. - Becca. What? No goodbye? Bye. Madam President. Mr. Calloway. - Big day. Big, big day. - I can hardly wait. I wanted you to know the white delphinium tapers have finally been located for this evening. U.S. Postal Service. Well, I can't believe I have to play tour guide all day. Have you, uh, have you seen a picture of Mrs. Kharkova? - Yes, I have. - I think you can handle it. She's no Mackenzie Allen. Nathan. I haven't seen you since the funeral. - You OK? - I still can't believe it. That he's dead or that she had the balls to take the oath of office?
She defied the dying wishes of a great man. - It's unforgivable. - Damn right. Wolfie, I'm gonna run. I'm gonna run for president. I have to. And I'm gonna win. - If it's against her... - It'll be against her. Oh, yeah. I guarantee you that. She'll run as an Independent. And do you know how many states she's going to carry? Her home state, maybe, Connecticut... She's not gonna carry a state. Nary a one. No, I'm gonna be president. And I want you with me. As my national security advisor. Temp, I don't know what to say. How about, "Bloody hell, yeah. " Well, then... Bloody hell, yeah. Wolfie, I need you to resign. Today. Now. Shouldn't we wait till at least after the summit? You can serve two years with her, if you want. Or eight years with me. You choose the horse you want to back.
Your resignation has to be tendered within the hour. Madam President, remember to allow us an adjustment in your heels so they don't engage the grass... Keep Kharkov on your right so the stills have a clean shot of you - inspecting your troops... - OK. Oh, and sir, protocol dictates that you kiss both Mrs. Kharkova's cheeks in greeting. - Do I? Should I? - Oh, no, ma'am. Just a handshake. We have covered every potential scenario. Not every scenario, Madam President. - Excuse us, Nora. - Oh, of course, Jim. Roman Wolfe called a press conference. Roman Wolfe? Why? Evidently his resignation letter is waiting on your desk. Mm-hm. - OK. - Give us a moment, Jim. Of course. What do you think it says when a member of my cabinet - quits on the day of my first summit? - Oh, forget Wolfe. He doesn't matter. Right now, this is about President Kharkov. It's about you. It's about making history. Right now, you become this country.
You're the United States of America. - OK. Let's do it. - Mm-hm. Ten-hut! Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the United States. Hey. Um, I think you... Yeah, you were in my dream last night. - I'm... Almost for sure. - Oh, yeah? - What was I doing, Jenny? - I can't remember. But I'm pretty sure you were wearing that shirt you have with the, uh, little red stripes. We call it your candy cane shirt. Wait. You have a nickname for my shirt? Anyway... Man, she is so into you. Whatever, man. I like her. You know you don't have to like her, Horace. Any of 'em. - Gimme the ball. - See? You got the perfect setup. - Come on. - No, dude. You're the president's son.
Every girl in our school wants to lose it to you. - Not true. - 'Course it is. Makes a great story when she's old and fat and has nothing else in her life but a bunch of high school memories. Horace! You took my biology book and it had my homework in it. I had to take an incomplete. Thanks. No problem, I have bio next period. I'll explain to Mrs. Hedison what happened. Hedison's a complete bitch. - Plus, she's got full-on BO. - Totally. Gimme the ball, Flemming. Hey, Rebecca, since Horace has never asked me... I don't know... Are you guys, like, allowed to have guests over to the White House? Yeah. I can do whatever I want. Well, I'm free tonight. I'd like to welcome President Kharkov back to the United States. Perhaps I'll finally be able to beat one American president in a round of golf. Well, I have a pretty good short game. Welcome. Madam President, as vice president you were very vocal about President Kharkov and his government's crackdown on democratic liberties. Where would I be without you guys to remind me of my words? We have a very full agenda of matters to discuss, privately. - Get them out of here. - Thank you. You'll have opportunities at the press conference.
What's it say about your ability to lead, Madam President, when your security advisor resigns on such an important day? The issue at hand isn't this woman's ability to lead, but of her security advisor's willingness to follow. OK. Thank you, everyone. Thank you. That was great. Kharkov totally covered for the president there. - He shut that question down. - What? It was a disaster. He called her a woman. She isn't a woman. She is a president. She's not a woman? Look, Alex. Every world leader is watching this summit looking for clues, gestures. Whatever signals they can read to figure out what kind of president Mackenzie Allen is, besides female. Mrs. Benjamin Harrison started the collection of china. I especially like this rococo revival punch bowl from the Pierce administration. Mrs. Harrison actually found this bowl in the, uh, White House attic and had it mended and then put on display. Ever wonder how it came to be broken? Well, maybe the, uh, punch was spiked. Oh, so one night, your President Pierce had too much to drink... And suddenly, a presidential mistake became a national treasure. But in the end, i feel that i can no longer be of efficient service to this country, or to this president. is there an inciting incident to this resignation? No... - Yeah. - Secretary of interior's here. Did the president ask you...?
Hold him for two minutes, then send him in. i had a meeting... - Send me in some coffee, please. - Yes, sir. How'd the president react to your resignation? That is between the president and me. So we're not going to proceed with the sale of nuclear fuel to Büshehr... Until the Iranians have met all their international obligations. And satisfy the community that they have abandoned - their nuclear weapons program. - Next. Regarding Russia's entry into the World Trade Organization. There's no real update there. You know that's up to the WTO. That remains beyond our purview. We'll revisit that item. Let's move on. Did you know there are 132 rooms in the White House? Yes. But did you also know there are 16 refrigerators? Now, technically, we're not even supposed to be in the Cabinet Room without the president. But I think we're gonna get away with it. You used to be her chief of staff. How are you finding your new position? Well, I'm not sure that I would call it a, uh, position. It's just that I used to be, uh, so much more than a spouse. Oh, yes. Me too. Mrs. Kharkova, um... Before this, you were a well-respected attorney.
So tell me the truth. Don't you feel that this job is just a little limiting? That is only the job, if that's what you make of the job. Item seven on the agenda. Sturgeon hatcheries on the Volga River. - Which we thought might... - Mr. President, if I may. I wonder if we could table the discussion of caviar, for now, and move on to some of the more pressing issues. Madam President, surely you can see how our staffs thought a billion-dollar industry warranted our full attention. And I don't disagree, However, there are more urgent matters in our agenda. Months of preparation with the previous administration have produced a very thoughtful agenda. One which should guide us, rather than constrain us. - I'd prefer to go in order. - I know you would... This may be a good time to take a break. Give both sides a chance to prepare for the press conference. Lots of progress to report to the press. - Here we are. - Hello. It really makes them feel good to see you down here, sir. - Game day and all. - My pleasure. Oh, you have to smell these roses. Yellow roses. Mrs. Kharkova's favorite. - Did my homework. - Ah... Hands! Hands!
The petals brown with fingerprints... - Hey, Dad. - Hi, Rebecca. Um, hey, you have a sec? - You smell that? It's nice, huh? - Yes. Roses. Very, very nice. Yellow roses. Over a thousand of them. - For tonight's dinner. - Yeah. About tonight's dinner. - You're going. - Dad, that's not fair. You're going. None of my friends have to go to their parents' stupid business things. I'm sorry. It's important to your mother. Case closed. Nora. How is the morning playing? - Truthfully, not great. - Roman Wolfe's resignation... Will be below the fold, buried beneath the success of today's summit. - Madam President. - Jim. - I know what you're going to say... - No, you don't.
If you did, you wouldn't have tried to handle me like that. - I was trying to protect you. - I'm gonna... - I think that we should... - Uh, you hang back, Kelly. We have a bigger problem. A bigger problem than not having the support of my chief of staff? - Secretary Witherspoon's resigned. - What? Charlie Witherspoon? Oh, what a town. You can't even trust the backstabbers. The national security advisor and the secretary of the interior both resign on the day of the summit. What is going on here, Jim? - I have a theory. - Probably the same theory I have. Don't you think it's about time you paid a visit to Capitol Hill? Yes, ma'am. Charlie's here. - Oh, hey, Charlie. Good to see you. - Madam President. - It's been what, a year? - Yes, I think so. So, uh, thank you for seeing me today. Of course. What's up, Mr. Secretary? What can I do for you? - Well... - Charlie's been hearing some rumblings.
Oh? Well, what with the president's condition and all... We're all well aware that Jim Gardner and Melanie Blackston came to see you to ask you to step down, and, uh... Well, there's just been some talk. The cabinet knows that you haven't said yes and, uh, well, ma'am... These guys can be, uh, pretty Machiavellian. I see. I just wanted you to know that, for me, I'm at your service. Good to know. What I'm saying is, you know, I could be your eyes and ears. Let you know where the knives are coming from. There will be knives? Yeah. I, for one, would be very much in support of you. The Department of Interior would very much welcome a woman's point of view. Women are much more, uh, environmentally friendly. Well, we do tend to pick up after ourselves. Uh-oh! OK, OK. Well, Charlie, thank you for stopping by. - Right. - OK. Bye, girl. Hey, Charlie, you really think a woman'd be better for the Department of Interior? Sure. Absolutely. Perhaps we should have a woman running it then. Kidding. Ah... Excuse me, ma'am.
Ma'am? - The press conference is set to begin. - Thank you, Vince. Uh, do me a favor. I need a copy of Oliver Chitwood's biography of John Tyler. - President Tyler? - Yeah. That's the guy. You know what's gonna happen in there, don't you? I'm afraid I do, ma'am. They're gonna hit me with resignations. The summit is gonna be secondary. You know, I can handle their questions. What I can't handle is having to go in there and pretend he's some sort of... champion of democracy. Maybe it's for the greater good? That what the guys who came before me told themselves? Guess so. I just... I don't know. I thought we were gonna do things differently. Next. Madam President. Can you comment on today's cabinet resignations? We're here to comment on the progress made between our two nations. Next. Samantha. Has there been a breakthrough on the Caspian oil pipeline? The pipeline agreement was the result of negotiations with President Bridges. Its completion will be a testimony to his vision. Changing topics.
President Allen, has there been progress on civil liberties? - Actually... - Allow me. - Of course. - Thank you. The Russia of today looks dramatically different than the Russia of just ten years ago. However, each day brings new challenges. Certainly President Allen knows that, with the sudden loss of her cabinet members. Madam President! Our leadership may change, but our democratic principles do not. What remains to be seen is what President Kharkov, a man who talks about democracy, will do in a situation that requires more than just talk. If it truly is time for change, then it is time to free the dissident journalists jailed in your prisons, Mr. President. I don't even know why you're bothering with Mom when Dad already said no. If you wanna see Flemming so bad, why don't you bring him to the state dinner? The point is to be alone with him, Horace. I don't think you know what you're getting into. - You do not know Flemming like I do. - Yeah, Horace. Just 'cause you're four minutes older doesn't mean you have all the answers. So, you just mind your own business, OK? I know what I'm doing. No. You don't understand what I'm trying to tell you... Today was the first day that didn't suck for me since we moved into this house. So, please, just let me have this. - Hey, Horace. Hi, Rebecca. - Hi, Vince. Hey, um, Vince.
Is my mom, um, busy? She always has time for you. I think she's in with Kelly. I'll check. Thanks. I can't believe I took the bait. - I should have just left it alone. - Ma'am, it wasn't that bad. We have no room for error here. This is a very partisan town. It's not like I have a lot of allies in either party. - And it had to be said. - Maybe just not so publicly. Excuse me, ma'am. Rebecca's here to see you. Oh. Great. One second. Thanks. We're done here, Kelly. - Hey, Rebecca. Hi, Horace. - Oh, hey, Kelly, what's up? Uh... nothing. How you guys doing? Good. How's the, uh, speechwriting coming? - Good. See you guys later. - OK.

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