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fandom.1000waystodie | # Blades of Gory
"Blades of Gory", Way to Die #110, is the sixth death to be featured in "Up With Death", which aired on December 16, 2009.
Plot.
"I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out."
Mario was an aggressive amateur hockey player who had dreams of making it into the pros, but is currently playing in a city league. He checked everyone including his teammates. They hated him for that. He eventually got into a big fight with an opponent. They fell back and the razor sharp blade of the ice skate sliced Mario's carotid artery and he bleeds to death, ceasing his immature behavior during the hockey games, permanently.
"Mario never made it to the pros. But in the end, he sure left his mark."
| Blades of Gory |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Blast Call
"Blast Call", Way to Die #460, is the seventh and final death featured in "Death – The Gift That Lasts Forever", which aired on August 22, 2011.
Plot.
A drunken man named Ned runs out of money one night at the bar. Ned invents a new way to get drunk by making himself a human dart board (by drawing a dart board on his stomach). Each time someone is successful, Ned takes one drink. After 15 shots of darts and 15 shots of alcohol, Ned is still asking for more. Without warning, Ned collapses to the ground and explodes, severing his body in half.
What happened to Ned?
To those who know, Ned actually had a job. He worked on a demolition crew, and was in charge of the explosives. Ned goes to the bar after work but forgets about the dynamite he had in his back pocket. When Ned drunkingly collapsed, he fell with enough force to ignite the blasting cap on the dynamite, causing it to explode but since his body was on top of it, it contains the blast and severs him in half.
"After 15 shots, and...'15 shots'...Ned was still asking for more. But then, without warning...Ned split. What the hell happened?"
Transcript.
Narrator: After 15 shots, and...'15 shots'...Ned was still asking for more. But then, without warning...Ned split. What the hell happened?
Narrator: Ned was a stupid drunk. He ran out of cash and he used his fat gut as collateral. In the end, he wound up paying for those drinks... out his ass.
| Blast Call |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Blend-Dead
"Blend-Dead", Way to Die #457, is the fifth death featured in "Death Watch", which aired on January 27, 2010.
Plot.
Arlene was a very loving gardener, hoping to keep herself from aging. She thought that blending juices with wheat grass would do the trick. Little did she know that her wheat grass was toxic. Once in a while, while Arlene was away, her landlord would spray rat poison everywhere in her garden, including the wheat grass. Unaware of her landlord's actions, she consumed her blended juices anyway, but eventually, she would feel sick to her stomach. She thought more blended juices would cure the problem, but the wheat grass was still poisoned. Eventually, Arlene died while on her exercise ball after the rat poison's toxins caused internal bleeding, and a brain hemorrhage.
"Every day began with the sound of her blender mixing up another immortal cocktail. But the more she drank, the sicker she was becoming. Never suspecting the source of her discomfort was the home-brewed mega-juice, Arlene kept knocking them down, hoping this would make her feel better."
Transcript.
Narrator: Every day began with the sound of her blender mixing up another immortal cocktail. But the more she drank, the sicker she was becoming. Never suspecting the source of her discomfort was the home-brewed mega-juice, Arlene kept knocking them down, hoping this would make her feel better.
Narrator: Arlene thought she could live forever. Instead, she found a different forever: death.
| Blend-Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Blogged Artery
"Blogged Artery", way to die #443 is the last segment in the episode "Wild Wild Death" which aired on November 21, 2011.
Plot.
On January 16 2006, in Zuni Pueblo, New Mexico, Bonnie is a total slut who has sex with rock star musician guys and owns her own web page, which was called "Under the Covers" in which after she makes out with the rockers, she writes about them. Bonnie invites Alex from the band "Blood Turkey" to an "interview", but what she really is doing is seducing him so that way she can have sex with him in which she explains to him what he has to do. Alex, probably having a girlfriend at home or waiting for that special someone, rejects Bonnie. In revenge, Bonnie, who was being sarcastic, decides use her own vacuum cleaner to give herself a suck-off. After turning it off, she gets a blood clot in her neck which kills her when she stands up by blood from the neck go into the brain and exploding part of it.
Transcript.
Narrator: Nobody turns down a free ride on Bonnie. With the revenge on her mind, she uses her vacuum cleaner to give herself the mother-sucker of all hickeys. If Alex didn't wanna leave his mark on her, she'd do it herself. But something truly does suck. The vacuum hose created an arterial blood clot in her neck. Bonnie stands up...and drops dead.
Narrator: Bonnie thought her sex blog would bring her fame and fortune... But in the end, she went from 'Under the Covers' to 'Six Feet Under'.
| Blogged Artery |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Blood Bath & Beyond
"Blood Bath & Beyond", Way to Die #354, is the first death to be featured in "Death On A Stick", which aired on August 3, 2010.
Plot.
Dave was a building manager who kept an eye on things. The problem was...Dave kept too close in eye. Using a high-tech flexible snake camera, Dave spied on all the pretty girls in his building. Dave would start out with yoga girl in 6B. On the other side of his apartment Dave would spy on karaoke girl in 6D. Truly, she was a sizzling little pop tart. Dave would top it off with bathtub babe in 7C. Danielle was his favorite. She offered the best views. Over time, Dave had drilled several holes in her bathroom floor to maximize his peeping angles. Unfortunately, these holes allowed water to seep in and cause rotting, weakening the floor substantially. When Danielle got into the bathtub, the floor collapsed, shattering his skull, splattering his brain across the floor, causing massive bleeding within and out what's left of his skull, killing him instantly, much to the shock of Danielle.
Transcript.
Narrator: Dave was a creep, who liked to peep. He thought he was clever - until his fat head was crushed and his brains went splatter and his lights went out - forever.
| Blood Bath & Beyond |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Blown Job
| Blown Job |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Blown Job (118)
"Blown Job", Way to Die #118, is the first death featured in "Dead to Rights", which aired on February 17, 2010.
Plot.
Tammy was a workaholic. Her perverted boss, Mr. Eliot, knew that she had a lock in an upcoming promotion. Tammy was also addicted to energy drinks; she drinks Red Ram the most. Asking Mr. Eliot if he wanted anything else, he answered, visually, that he wanted to have oral sex with her. Despite her refusal, she thanks him anyway, and later tries to wash her disgust away with a few more drinks of Red Ram. Little did Tammy realize that she was going into a caffeine overdose. It's not until later when the new guy showed up and went into Mr. Eliot. Tammy took a peek inside the office, and saw that he was passing the oral test with flying colors and with Mr. Eliot. The new guy made no mistakes. The new guy walked to Tammy's office and announced that he got the job. This erupts Tammy's gasket like a volcano. After hearing that Mr. Eliot gave her promotion to the new guy, an enraged Tammy blows up in his face. But then, her over-caffeinated heart stops beating due to ten sixteen-ounce drinks of Red Ram, as well as cardiac arrest, and Tammy dies before she even hits the floor.
Transcript.
Narrator: Tammy was drinking herself into a heart-hammering caffeine overdose. Things got even worse when she saw the new guy slip into the boss's office. Something was up. Unable to resist, Tammy took a peek and discover the new guy was passing the oral test with flying colors.
Tammy: Oh! Oh my god.
New Guy: Guess who just got the promotion.
Narrator: Tammy erupted.
Tammy: MR. ELLIOT, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST HEARD? I JUST HEARD THAT YOU GAVE MY JOB, MY PROMOTION TO THE NEW GUY!
Narrator: Her heart redlined and her blood pressure went through the roof, all fueled by 10 16-ounce energy drinks.
Tammy: This is not right! This is not fair! It's not fa--
Narrator: Tammy just wanted to get ahead. But when she wouldn't give it, she wound up at a dead end.
| Blown Job (118) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Blown Job (201)
"Blown Job", Way to Die #201, is the sixth and the final death featured in "", which aired on March 29, 2009.
Plot.
Fred Garfield AKA Laughy the Clown, a drunken alcoholic clown, also a bad clown is on his way to his next birthday party, wishing, more than anything, that it would be his last. Ironically, he was coulrophobic as a child (meaning he was scared of clowns). He would always bring the grand finale, a giant balloon called, "Ally Gator" which was probably the only worthwhile part of his act. When he stops short in front of the party, a canister of CO2 rolls up against his seat, inflating the giant balloon for his act while still in the car. He is too drunk to sense the danger until it is too late, and dies when the balloon presses him against the car door and he suffocates, sending him to the afterlife.
"What happens next isn't funny... it's fatal."
| Blown Job (201) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Board Stiff
"Board Stiff", Way to Die #478, is the fifth death to be featured in "Young, Dumb, and Full of Death", which aired on November 9, 2010.
Plot.
Brandon was a washed-up skateboarder. He spent most of his time trying to do some tricks. On other occasions, he would use his skills in terrorizing pedestrians, and fighting security guards. One day, he decided to show flashes of his old self. However, accidentally runs over a small rock he didn't see, and is launched off his skateboard and lands face-first into wet cement. The impact knocked him unconscious, and Brandon sucked in was quick-dry cement, which dried quickly, and he suffocated to death.
Transcript.
Narrator: Once upon a time, Brandon was the next hit guy in the skateboarding world. Now, he was just another.. dead guy.
Cast.
Scott "Big Cat" Pfaff - Brandon (lead: intended victim)
| Board Stiff |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bomb-Bino
"Bomb-bino", Way To Die #803, is the sixth death to be featured on "Death Bites!" which aired on December 9th 2009.
Plot.
Mario Bolusi, who made a mistake borrowing money from the Mafia and being unable to pay them back, is forced to dig his own grave while two mobsters, ignoring Bolusi's pleas, have a picnic nearby. Meanwhile, Bolusi digs up a World War II frag grenade and, not knowing what it is, throws it at the mobsters' picnic area. The grenade explodes in the mobsters' faces, killing them both instantly. Bolusi, shielded by the dirt and being below the blast radius of the grenade, survives and flees from the scene, happy to be free from them.
| Bomb-Bino |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Boobicide
"Boobicide", Way to Die #671, is the fourth death to be featured in "Ready Or Not, Here Comes Death", which aired on February 23, 2011.
Plot.
A vain stripper named Jewel suffering from back problems from her polypropylene breast implants takes oxycodone and alcohol to relieve her pain. She then climbs into a reclining rack and flips herself upside-down to further relax her back. Jewel suffocates (asphyxiates) from her breasts falling on her face and being too intoxicated to react or right herself in time.
| Boobicide |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Booby-Zapped
Booby-Zapped, Way to Die #254, is the fifth death featured in "Putting a Happy Face on Death", which aired on December 30, 2009.
Plot.
A man named Warren, paranoid to the point of paralysis and insomnia over current events and subcribling to various conspiracy theories, places booby-traps around his house to protect himself. To get some much-needed sleep, he takes some sleeping pills, but the pills come with the side-effect of sleepwalking. Later that night, Warren sleepwalks to his refrigerator to get some food, managing to escape every trap he placed along the way. However, when he sits down to eat, a laser-operated shotgun is triggered, shooting him in the head and causing instant death.
"Past the beartrap, under the flamethrower, to the fridge, where he avoided the poison darts, and finally sat down to enjoy his leftover chicken when... the laser-operated shotgun blew his brains out."
| Booby-Zapped |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Booty Trapped
"Booty Trapped", Way to Die #333, is the sixth death to be featured in "Come On, Get Deathy", which aired on January 20, 2010.
Plot.
Brandy had recently married an old geezer millionaire. Turns out she only loves him for his money. Brandy would often hide inside her high-security vanity room to spend time with her husband's money that she skimmed from his accounts, even after her husband would refuse to raise her allowance due to the economy. While skimming and messing around with her husband's money one night, a minor freak-of-nature earthquake shakes the room, causing heavy bags of money to knock Brandy out and then suffocate her to death. Sending this gold digger to hell where she belongs.
Like the song goes, "."
Transcript.
Brandy: You know last night? You were very good.
Old Geezer: Was I?
Narrator:
Narrator: Sometimes a big pile of cash doesn't make you happy. It leaves you...dead.
| Booty Trapped |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Boris Bititoff
Boris Bititoff, Way to Die #611, is the seventh death featured in "Up With Death", which aired on December 16, 2009.
Plot.
Set five years after the Chernobyl disaster, three soldiers named Mikhail, Vladimir and Sonia roam into the wilderness of the nuclear holocaust, and suffer from abnormal conditions caused by the radiation, with Mikhail stating that he can see using his eyelids and Vladimir saying that he's growing a third testicle. Mikhail strikes out with Sonia, his female colleague, who instead makes out with Vladimir, Mikhail's other colleague. So, stooping to zoophilia, Mikhail makes up for it by trying to have sex with a raccoon, only for the raccoon to bite off his penis, and he quickly exsanguinates, much to the horror of Vladimir and Sonia.
| Boris Bititoff |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bot-ily Harm
"Bot-ily Harm", Way to Die #723, is the first death to be featured in "The End is Weird", which aired on October 19, 2010.
Plot.
Alex spent his time at home creating robots and breaking things, when he could have gone to any top college in the country. He constantly tortured his parents by wrecking the house. He decided to put the micro-processor of a vaccum robot, motion detectors, and razor-sharp spinning lawnmower blades into one machine in order to make it even more dangerous. He tested its destructive power by making it destroy another one of his robots, which was destroyed in seconds. He put the robot to sleep in order to fix up the other for another round. When he dropped a screw, the robot which was thought to be asleep turned itself on, and when Alex bent down to pick it up, it cuts off two of his fingers, and then slashes his foot off. Alex fell to the floor, and the robot lacerated deep into his abdomen and slices his aorta and vena cava and he died from massive blood loss.
"Alex put his soldier to sleep, and what about getting his bot ready for another round. A dropped screw awoke the sleeping monster, and before he could pull its plug, Alex's killer robot took its master apart, peace...by...peace."
Transcript.
Narrator: Alex put his soldier to sleep, and what about getting his bot ready for another round. A dropped screw awoke the sleeping monster, and before he could pull its plug, Alex's killer robot took its master apart, peace...by...peace.
Narrator: Instead of giving his robot a brain...
Narrator: he should have put his own to better use.
| Bot-ily Harm |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Botoxicated
"Botoxicated", Way to Die #652, is the fourth death to be featured in "Death Gets Busy", which aired on February 22, 2009.
Plot.
Debbie, an ex-beauty queen, was desperate to get rid of her wrinkles, so she hired a doctor (a phony one) to inject her with Botox. Debbie didn't know it at first, but she just signed her death certificate because the pretend doctor gave Debbie a batch of tainted Botox. Instead of calling 911 to find a real doctor, Debbie got into her one-piece bathing suit thinking that a dip in the hot tub could calm her down. However, the botulism poison causes her body became paralyzed. She slipped under the water's surface and drowned, thus sending her to heaven.
"The fake physician made a good living off insecure 40-somethings, dispensing black market Botox injections. It wasn't brain surgery, and they always paid cash. Debbie didn't know it, but she just signed her death certificate."
Transcript.
Debbie: I'm... little nervous in the head plasma-
Narrator: Remember when doctors made house calls? Neither did we.
Debbie: (Chuckling) I've never done this before.
Botox Doctor: Show me.
Debbie: Okay...
Narrator: The only reason Debbie got this guy to drop by was 1: he's not really a doctor, and 2: she was desperate.
Debbie: It's a... a big needle.
Botox Doctor: Hang on...
Narrator: Her problem: wrinkles.
Botox Doctor: Perfect.
Narrator: Dr. Quag here had a cure:
Narrator: Botox.
Dr. Vyshali Rao: Botox is actually botulinum toxin. It causes paralysis. What they do is they inject this toxin... into certain areas of your face or wherever you wanted to be to get rid of wrinkles. And the way that it does that is it paralyzes that muscle, that muscle can no longer contract, now the wrinkle is gone.
Botox Doctor: Still...
Narrator: The fake physician made a good living off insecure 40-somethings, dispensing black market Botox injections.
Botox Doctor: Don't move.
Narrator: It wasn't brain surgery, and they always paid cash. Debbie didn't know it, but she just signed her Death Certificate.
Botox Doctor: Okay.
Debbie: That's alright. Thank you.
Narrator: The pretend doctor got in his hand on a really bad badge of Botox. He just pumped pure botulism poison, right into her head.
Debbie: Aah... This does not feel right...
Narrator: The paying of numbness started spreading from her head throughout her body.
Narrator: Debbie thought a dip in the hot tub might calm her down.
Dr. Vyshali Rao: If you do not go to someone that knows what they're doing, and this toxin gets somewhere it should not get to: the nerve for an example. Your face becomes paralyzed and you look like you have a stroke.
Dr. Vyshali Rao: It gets into your arteries, into your veins, that toxin is now circulating in your body, and getting into your lungs, into your heart, 'cause it can cause paralysis there, so essentially you stop breathing, your heart stops beating, you're ending up dead from Botox.
Narrator: Debbie was helpless. Her body was completely paralyzed by the spreading toxin.
Narrator: In a frozen panic, she slept under the water surface, and drowned. At her funeral, her friends all said... "She never looked better."
| Botoxicated |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bowed Out
"Bowed Out", Way to Die #72, is the third death to be featured in "I See Dead People (And They're Cracking Me Up)", which aired on April 5, 2009.
Plot.
Yoshi Nakamura was a Japanese businessman. He has been practicing his bowing for a very important job interview with Saichi Tanaka. He walks around the town until he sees Tanaka. Tanaka stands face to face with Yoshi. When Tanaka and Yoshi bow, Tanaka's head accidently hits Yoshi's head, which leads to Yoshi's death due to a fatal brain aneurysm. What a very tragic story.
"Your typical Japanese businessman bows 300 times a day. On this day, Yoshi.. bowed out."
Transcript.
Narrator: Your typical Japanese businessman bows 300 times a day. On this day, Yoshi.. bowed out.
| Bowed Out |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Boweled Out
"Boweled Out", Way to Die #677, is the fifth death to be featured in "Ready Or Not, Here Comes Death", which aired on February 23, 2011.
Plot.
A softball player named Casey, who had dreams of becoming a part of the Big Leagues, now just played softball and tried to pretend as if he were a huge deal. Unbeknownst to Casey, he has an abdominal hernia which flares up during one of the games. After the second pitch, Casey suffers extreme stomach pains, and makes everyone take a quick break. After stumbling around, Casey pulls his shirt up and notices that a part of his intestines are now bulging through his stomach. Horrified by this, Casey feebly pushes the intestines back into place, which succeeded at stopping the pain (though it also had the side effect of damaging his intestines). Despite all of this, Casey still wanted to continue with the softball game. While getting ready for his third swing, Casey can barely even keep himself steady, becoming incredibly dazed and confused. Casey then makes another big swing at the ball, misses... and then drops dead due to his hernia finally rupturing. Casey dies from internal bleeding, as his now lifeless body falls onto the diamond floor.
| Boweled Out |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bowled Over
"Bowled Over", Way To Die #355, is the fifth death to be featured in "Think Globally, Die Locally", which aired on March 19, 2012.
Plot.
Jared and his three friends are hipsters and students in a film class, hoping to jumpstart their career with viral videos. They start by filming their friend, a girl, chugging beer in slow motion. Two of guys then throw objects off an 80 foot overpass, while Jared and the girl film them below. The two guys first throw a watermelon, a television and then a bowling ball off the overpass. While the first two objects shatter without harm, the bowling ball shatters and sends a piece of shrapnel flying towards Jared. The shrapnel pierces his eye and severs his medulla oblongata (which controls organ function). Jared dies instantaneously of internal hemorrhaging and organ failure.
Transcript.
Narrator: From 80 feet above, the ball drops... and the poser film makers bowl... a perfect... strike.
Narrator: It’s a pretty cynical bunch here over here on 1,000 Ways to Die. We’re not about to shed any tears for one dead hipster. We’ll let her do it.
Girl: You killed him!!!!!!!!
| Bowled Over |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Boys 2 Dead
"Boys 2 Dead", Way to Die #87, is the last death featured in the episode "Death on a Stick", which aired on August 3, 2010, and the eighth death to be featured in "", which aired on October 24, 2011.
Plot.
Over-the-hill one-hit-wonder boy band "4EVER" was popular during the 1990's and early 2000's, performing for large crowds in ampitheaters and arenas. However, they found little success and now perform in dive bars and small nightclubs.
On one night, 4EVER's members Tim, Norm, Jeff, Tony, and Joe perform on stage for a very small, unenthusiastic crowd at dive bar. Tim, the ego-maniacal lead singer, decides to do a stage dive while the band sings their song, "(Stop Callin' Me) Baby". He dives, but with nobody to support him, he falls to the ground, shattering his spine, causing paralysis. His entire body shuts down, and he dies.
Transcript.
Narrator: While Tim lay there paralyzed, his lungs stopped breathing, his heart stopped beating, and his brain just...stopped. In other words, Tim was dead...4EVER.
4EVER: (Singing) Baby, The thing is maybe. I'm not going to save you. From being the baby that's a baby alone.
Audience: (Cheers)
| Boys 2 Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Brain Worms
"Brain Worms", Way to Die #622, is the second death featured in "The Lighter Side of Death", which aired on March 1, 2009.
Plot.
A couple Monica and Hans, eat live snails and ingest "Angiostrongylus cantonensis", parasites that travel through their bloodstreams to their brains, where they feed on their brain matter until the couple dies a week later (with Hans telling Monica that he's a closet homosexual trying to get more closet time just before the two die, she says "I hate you." softly, but when he says "I hate...", he died and then Monica died).
Transcript.
Narrator: We've all been out on bad dates. But Monica and Hans are in death door because of the date from hell. And it all started in the kitchen.
Monica: Hey.
Hans: How are you?
Monica: Good, how are you?
Narrator: All Hans wanted was to getting Monica's pants. If he could impress her with his coronary skills, he'd be home free. Though he couldn't boil water, he had a plan: All he needs, it was a bag of readymade salad mix, and a surprise ingredient.
Hans: Just trust me, yes, they're snails, or as the French say Escargot.
Narrator: Monica had put a lot of raw things in her mouth, but, snails... But since Hans acted like he was the iron chef, she was impressed. Or domin off the trust.
Monica: Okay, ready?
Monica & Hans: 1, 2, 3, cheers.
Hans: That's not bad.
Narrator: When Hans & Monica ate live snails, parasites called Cantonese blood worms, enter their circulation and settled in their brains. They're the worms began to make a meal of their brain matter.
Masking Transition Woman: (Screams)
Amber Kaplan: In terms of your brain, you have many defensives. They keep out things like bacteria, viruses or any other worms that might trying to crawl up there. This is one that the body's that dealing with, and so it seems to be able to access the brain relatively easily.
Narrator: The week after their snail sushi, Hans and Monica developed crippling headaches and severe nausea. They checked into a hospital, and now they were teetering on the break of sanity and death.
Hans: (Rasp voice) Oh, by the way, I'm gay... Pretty much younger than easily that even up to yous 'cause you got chest of the 12-year-old boy...
Monica: I hate you...
Hans: (Rasp voice) I hate y...
Narrator: It was too late for Monica to grasp that she was dying for trusting a wannabe metro-sexual.
Narrator: And all she had done was eat his salad.
| Brain Worms |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Branched Out
"Branched Out", Way to Die #520, is the third death featured in "Wild Wild Death", which aired on November 21, 2011.
Plot.
A man named Deacon decides to make a series of viral videos featuring attractive women shooting guns under the name "Cecil B. Perverted". The first girl that's shown on the video is Tanya, which she got hurt on her shoulder. The next girl that's shown on the video is Petula. For his latest video, he features a woman named Irma shooting an Uzi. However, a stray bullet falls into Irma's open cleavage due to her wearing a spaghetti-strap tank top and burns her. The distraction causes Irma to fire the Uzi at random, shooting down a tree branch which falls and impales Deacon in the chest, piercing his heart and causing him to die from massive blood loss, much to the horror of Irma.
| Branched Out |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bringing In The Dead
| Bringing In The Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bringing in the Dead
Bringing In The Dead.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 17.
Originally aired January 6, 2010.
Title reference: Spoofs the popular hymn "Bringing In the Sheaves"
-- This is the Original Episode --
D. U. Die.
Way to Die #528
On August 4, 2000, in Akron, OH. Two drunk men go for a drive in a station wagon. While driving at 60 miles per hour, the driver starts to get carsick. He leans out the window to vomit, causing the car to swerve toward the edge of the street, and is decapitated when his head slams into a mailbox.
Belly'd Up.
Way to Die #146
On June 18, 2001, in Ann Arbor, MI. While practicing for an upcoming competition, a belly dancer wraps a scarf around her neck and throws the tail end of it into the air, where it catches on a moving ceiling fan and strangles her.
Suck Her Punched.
Way to Die #217
On October 4, 2007, in Gary, IN. A rapist lurking in the alley behind a boxing gym attacks a woman in a blue cocktail dress, not knowing that his target is actually a male boxer who cross-dresses to calm down from his workouts and gets extremely angry whenever someone calls him a "lady." The boxer defends himself by punching the rapist with a powerful right <a href="http%3A//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cross_%28boxing%29%7Ccross"></a> to his temple. The would-be rapist's brain compresses and bleeds out inside his skull, causing him to pass out and die due to blood loss and severe brain damage.
Jack 'n Croaked.
Way to Die #177
On October 10, 1911, in Lynchburg, TN. Whiskey distiller Jack Daniel samples the taste of his family brew and keeps asking his workers to perfect it. He gets drunk in the process, but finally makes the perfect batch. He decides to update his family recipe, which is stored in a safe, but is so drunk that he cannot remember the combination. In a drunken rage, he kicks the safe, and damages his big toe. The cut soon becomes infected, and he dies of sepsis two weeks later.
Alt names - The Jack Daniel Story
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Dead Heat.
Way to Die #657
On February 25, 1998, in Syracuse, NY. A woman is cooking for her new boyfriend and forces him to smell some exotic, imported spices, not knowing that he has asthma. The asthmatic's inhaler soon runs out of medicine, and he dies of a massive asthma attack.
Alt names - Asthmatic Spices
Poi Vey.
Way to Die #96
On May 18, 1989, in Honolulu, HI. An Orthodox Jew who is obsessed] with a hula dancer decides to stalk her, but his attempts to woo her by leaving poi kreplach on her doorstep, serenading her on a ukulele, and taking up surfing are all in vain. After one last attempt to romance her fails, he drowns his sorrows in mai-tais. In an inebriated state, he takes part in a torch ceremony, where he catches on fire and burns to death.
ReTired.
Way to Die #412 (Note: This is the second death to have this number)
On April 27, 2001, in Scottsdale, AZ. An elderly man named Arthur goes through his daily ritual of getting into his classic Chevrolet/Chevy car and reminiscing about his life while sitting in the driver's seat, but one day, he dies. At the same time, a gangster named Shuggy robs a gas station, after knocking out an unnamed store clerk with a single high punch in order to find something to steal. The old man's car's emergency brakes slip, and it starts rolling down a hill while the gangster is crossing the street, running him over, breaking both of his leg bones and neck bones, killing him.
Note: This is the second death to be given this name.
Alt names - Old Man ReTired
Trivia: In the German version, this death is replaced with Easy Slider.
Cleane-Dead Solution.
Way to Die #308
On July 7, 1998, in Cherry Hill, NJ. Mary is in an abusive relationship with her husband Carl. She is taking dishes out of the dishwasher when Carl starts screaming at her to do more. She begins to mop the floor. When Carl comes back in drunk, he berates her again. Mary tells Carl that she wants a divorce. Carl charges towards her, slips on the wet floor, and falls onto a knife that was facing up in the dishwasher. The knife pierces his heart, killing him.
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Bringing in the Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Broke-Back Cowboy
"Broke-Back Cowboy", Way to Die #133, is the seventh Segment in "Death Over Easy", which aired on February 8, 2009.
Plot.
A wanna-be cowboy named Wade wants to be big by becoming an actor. Being featured in a commercial for cigarettes and only riding in the background made him feel like the next John Wayne. Right after his Agent told him that he did not get a role as a filmstar, he wants to convince his agent that he can take care over every stunt without problems. His horse trips over a rock causing him to fall back on the ground head first, transecting his entire neck.
| Broke-Back Cowboy |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bubbled Out
"Bubbled Out", Way to Die #68, is the eighth and final death to be featured in Death On Arrival, which aired on December 7, 2009.
Plot.
Billy and Dave were brothers who daily test their roleplaying skills. Today they go to a small market to continue their roleplaying. When one of them sees some Mentos he explains to his partner that when Coca Cola comes in contact with Mentos it will erupt in an explosion. With the soda empty in seconds they consume all of the Mentos at once. The build up pressure in the stomach causes the soda to shoot out of their mouths and at the same time makes their stomach basically explode. As soon as the fountain of Coca Cola is over, the only thing that's left are their dead bodies.
| Bubbled Out |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Buck Bashed
| Buck Bashed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bucky Boned
"Bucky Boned", Way to Die #397, is the second death to be featured in "Tweets From the Dead", which aired on March 26, 2012.
Plot.
A spoiled stockbroker named Lenny had been bilking millions of dollars from investors through an illicit Ponzi scheme. Everyone would say that he was a regular Bernard Madoff, but his greedy behavior was going to catch up to him; following the stock market crash, he receives word that his office is about to be raided by the FBI, so he and his secretary, Patty, tried frantically to destroy all the evidence.
Suddenly, he suffers a horrible stomachache, crying Mommy before dying and leaving a horrified Patty. How'd that happen? What caused Lenny's death was his bucky ball stress toy; When he slammed it on his desk in a fit of rage, some of the neodymium magnets landed in his tapioca bubble tea. While drinking the tea, he swallowed the magnets, which then caused them to attract to each other, tearing through his small intestines, causing him to die of internal bleeding.
| Bucky Boned |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bull-Heavia
"Bull-Heavia", Way to Die #642, is the first death to be featured on "Deadliest Kitsch” which aired on October 24, 2011.
Plot.
Javez was a Middle Eastern dictator who used televised rants against the United States of America to make a point for his country, but in private, he loves America almost as much as he loves his own country. He even had his own private room filled with American-style decor and items. The item that this hypocrite liked most in his crazed collection was a mechanical bull he called "Old Smokey". All his troubles went away when he rode it. When he was riding it one day, Javez began to grow impatient and told his assistant Amed to speed up the bull. Javez spun erratically on the bull, until Amed accidentally hit the stop button and Javez flew right off his mechanical steed and right on top of his model of the Washington Monument, stabbing through his heart and sternum, and out his back, killing him.
Transcript.
Javez: You Americas, are stupid! Get out of our country!
Narrator: Javez
Javez: You think you can come to our country, to steal oil? We are not a gas station!
Javez: America, go to hell!
Tom Metcalf:
Javez: Death to America. And this, is all I have to say now!
Narrator: This basher has a secret...
Javez: Ooooh, beautiful.
Narrator: Javez, is number 1 American fan.
Javez: To me, this looks like camel penis.
Javez: Faster, Amed, faster!
Amed: Aahhh!
Narrator: Javez wound up with a monumental hole where his black heart used to be.
David Svoboda: With a 175 pounds
Narrator: Javez’s love for America was strange, but misguided. In the land of the free, he was one more dead guy.
| Bull-Heavia |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bull-Shido
| Bull-Shido |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bull-shido
"Bull-shido", Way to Die #965, is the second death to be featured in "Death Takes A Vacation", which aired on November 14, 2011.
Plot.
Kioshi (Basho) was a depressed musician. One of his bandmates, Tinaka, had died in a previous episode, and ever since then, he had been in a rut. One day, Kioshi had come to the conclusion that his rock band sucked and he has no talent, so he decides to commit a form of samurai suicide called Seppuku with the help of his bandmates. First he recites a poem apologizing for his lack of talent and then he uses a Tanto to disembowel himself.
He then dies of exsanguination. To finish the death, his band member takes a Katana and decapitates him.
Transcript.
Narrator: He clearly would've made a better samurai than rock star. Showing no emotion, as he ripped his guts wide open.
Narrator: Kioshi was a bad musician. but as a samurai, he could really... cut it.
| Bull-shido |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bush Defeated
"Bush Defeated", Way to Die #769, is the sixth death to be featured in "Eat, Pray, Die", which aired on August 8, 2011.
Plot.
Bunny was a man's dream, but due to an excessive amount of pubic hair, her boyfriend Johnny refuses to have sex with her. Bunny employs the clippers and a razor before employing the Brazilian Wax. In the process of the waxing, she accidentally removes some of the skin. She has sex with her boyfriend, but two weeks after suffering an open-skin waxing wound, Bunny develops necrotizing fasciitis, and dies shortly after from blood poisoning and organ failure.
| Bush Defeated |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Bush Whacked
"Bush Whacked", Way to Die #345, is the seventh and final death featured in "Young, Dumb, and Full of Death", which aired on November 9, 2010.
Plot.
Bobby was a couch potato who watched survival shows. He kept track of everything he heard from the TV. Being a unfathomably ignorant man, Bobby thinks he can go out and try this on his own. Bobby drives out into the woods and begins to film his documentary, making his own spring mix salad out of plants found nearby and begins eating them. Bobby soon collapses to the ground in pain and dies, not knowing that the plants he included in his salad were actually poisonous. The salad he ate contained oleander, foxglove, and the most poisonous of them all: hemlock.
| Bush Whacked |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Butt F***ed
"Butt Fucked", Way to Die #316, is the first death to be featured in "Death Over Easy", which aired on February 8, 2009.
Plot.
Myron Burns may not know it, but he was a very lucky man. He just barely survives burning his house down after falling asleep while smoking in bed three weeks prior. Instead of taking this as a sign that it's about time he kick the habit, he bribes a nurse to take him out back so he can have a smoke. The ash from his cigarette creates just enough of a spark to ignite his bandages, which just so happen to be soaked in a highly flammable ointment. Panicked and helpless, he ends up rolling down a handicapped ramp and is engulfed in flames when his oxygen tank explodes, and was killed from 4th degree burns.
"Myron... goes out in a blaze of gory."
| Butt F***ed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Butt Plugged
"Butt Plugged", Way to Die #553, is the sixth death featured in "The Good, The Bad, and the Dead", which aired on March 8, 2009.
Plot.
A newly released convict, Levinson, driving drunk with a hooker in the front seat, shoves a can of pepper spray into his rectum to avoid detection by a police officer who pulls him over. When the officer shoves the con against his truck for talking back, the can is activated, soaking the con's rectum with the spray and fatally eating it away.
"When the cop shoved Levinson against the truck, it set off a raging can of pepper spray inside his bunghole." (US version)
""When the cop shoved Levinson against the truck, it set off a raging can of pepper spray... right up the" Gary Glitter"!"" (UK version)
Transcript.
Narrator: When the cop shoved Levinson against the truck, it set off a raging can of pepper spray inside his bunghole.
Narrator: Crime doesn't pay, but the criminal does. For Levinson, first, he put up. Then, he paid up.
| Butt Plugged |
fandom.1000waystodie | # C---py Ending
| C---py Ending |
fandom.1000waystodie | # CRESTVIEW'S CORPSE MOVIE (NOT ALLOWED TO DELETE)
| CRESTVIEW'S CORPSE MOVIE (NOT ALLOWED TO DELETE) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # California
There is no place to watch this show!
| California |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Car Jacked
"Car Jacked", Way to Die #222, is the fifth death to be featured in "", which aired on March 29, 2009.
Plot.
Tom Bordwell has just got back from his Sunday drive with his family, so he parks his classic 1965 Pontiac GTO Judge in the garage and leaves. Little did he know that a car thief known as "The Dangler" was planning to steal his prized possession. He throws a rope and slides down; all went well until his foot got tangled in the rope leaving him in a struggle to pull himself up. After his blood pressure skyrocketed, he dies following massive strokes, hemorrhages and shocks after three days. Sending this car thief to hell as he deserves.
"But the mission turned... impossible. Somehow his slack line got tangled with his leg, leaving The Dangler... to dangle."
| Car Jacked |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cardiac-A-Breast
"Cardiac-A-Breast", Way to Die #55, is the sixth death featured in "Putting A Smiley Face On Death", which aired on September 14, 2010.
Plot.
Cindy was invited to a party. The problem was, she had nothing to wear. So, she made do, by buying a full-metal bra, and picked out the dress she wanted carefully. After arriving, she was attempting to take home a male and drain him of his bodily fluids, by showing herself off. Every guy in the party wanted her. Even when there was a thunderstorm on the night of the party, Cindy was a real live wire. That is, until a thunderbolt struck her, and she was dead before she hit the ground.
Transcript.
Narrator: There's one thing you need to know about Cindy:
Narrator: She's as horny as a 3-balled cat.
Narrator: Tonight's party was a chance to drag home a likely sperm donor and drain him of his precious bodily fluids.
Narrator: Living nothing to chance, Cindy picked her outfit carefully. The most important weapon in her fashion arsenal:
Narrator: A metal-reinforced bra she bought at a lingerie store.
Alison Rubke: The first bra patent had a full metal plate, holding up the breasts. And then in the 1930s, is when we first see... the bras we know it today with underwire in it, it... goes around the breast, both sides, and then there's a metal hook-and-eye closures.
Narrator: With her chest loaded with twin , Cindy was ready for action.
Cindy: Hey guys!
Narrator: Once at the party, Cindy made sure she kept the guys "abreast" of the situation.
Narrator: A sudden storm gives her a chance to put it all on display.
Cindy: Oh my god! I haven't been in a wet t-shirt contest since Cabo.
Men: Oh, yeah!
Narrator: Cindy was the life of the party until...
Jason Romero: Imagine 300 kilovolts of electricity entering you heart at once, it's gonna exploded.
Jason Romero: It's gonna travel through the body, it's gonna exit out one of your legs into the ground, and at that heat, it can actually melt sand.
Narrator: Cindy's slutty outfit was a big hit. Every guy wanted her, but then...
Narrator: she bolted.
| Cardiac-A-Breast |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cast Offed
"Cast Offed", Way to Die #132, is the third death featured in the episode "Hurry Up and Die", which aired on October 26, 2010.
Plot.
Cooter was an old redneck; he loved nothing more than booze, guns and welfare checks he regularly receives from the government. Before getting even more drunk, he had some work to do as the fall and winter seasons hit; he had to hit the wood-splitter to make some firewood, but he is so drunk, he breaks his arm by getting it caught in the machine. Rather than spend his welfare money on a real doctor, Cooter saw himself as a do-it-yourselfer, deciding to apply a homemade cast to himself, but doesn't the put the bone in place and made the cast too tight. A month later, Cooter is ready to remove the cast and asks his daughter, Tammy, to help him operate the table saw to get the job done. When Cooter takes off the cast, fat globules of bone marrow leaked into his bloodstream and caused an embolism in his heart. Cooter was dead within seconds, leaving Tammy freaked out.
Transcript.
Narrator: Cooter, is a worthless piece of trailer trash.
Cooter: (Coughs)
Narrator: If he cared about anything it was booze, guns,
-Cooter: (Laughs)<br>
-Narrator: and his welfare check.
-Cooter: Here, ya puppy.<br>
-Dog: (Barks)
Cooter: (Laughs)
Narrator: Before Cooter got too drunk...
Narrator: there was work to do. It gets cold around here at night, and he needed to hit the wood splitter for the fuel...
Narrator: make that, fool. He was so trashed...
Cooter: (Screams)
Narrator: He broke his arm instead.
Cooter: GOD DAMN!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!
James Lewellyn: I've worked around heavy machinery all my life. Probably a log splitter is one of the most dangerous. Some of these wood splitters, they're puttin' out 10, 15, 20 PSI right at the tip.
James Lewellyn: It'll feel like getting your arm ran over by a M1 Abram's tank.
Narrator: Cooter saw himself as one of those red-blooded American do-it-yourselfers. And he wasn't about to waste some hard earned government welfare money on a doctor.
Cooter: It's a work of art.
Narrator: A month later, Cooter was ready to cut off his homemade cast.
Narrator: He brought over his favorite illegitimate daughter, Tammy to help.
Cooter: See this thing here?
Tammy: Uh... yeah.
Cooter: There's the doctor.
Tammy: WHAT!!? What are you doing!?
Cooter: We're gonna take this thing off. I need you to hold this.
Tammy: Cooter, stop! Stop!
Narrator: Cooter had a thing for power tools. If he broke his arm with a log splitter, might as well use a table saw to remove the cast.
-Narrator: The Redneck gods smiled down upon the useless drunk...<br>
-Cooter: Heh, heh, heh, heh!
Cooter: See that? Told ya I was fine!
Narrator: And then they pulled his plug.
Tammy: Oh my god!
Narrator: When Cooter decided to play doctor, he made 2 mistakes: 1. He didn't set the bone marrow properly and 2. He made the cast too tight.
Narrator: When he took it off, which were leaking from the marrow of his bone were finally released back into his bloodstream. They went straight to his heart, and caused a fatal .
Cooter: (Coughs)
Narrator: The only thing to say about Cooter: he was a worthless, mean-spirited drunk.
Cooter: God damn you, bro!
Cooter: (Screams)
Narrator: (Southern accent) Y'all don't come back now, you hear?
Tammy: (Screams of horror)
| Cast Offed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cat Fight On A Hot Tin Hood
"Cat Fight On A Hot Tin Hood", Way to Die #295, is the third death to be featured in "", which aired on October 31, 2011.
Plot.
Brenda, a driver with extreme road rage, is infuriated when there's not a single place to park. When the spot she wanted was taken by another driver, Amy, Brenda's temper rose. She gets out of her car and throws her coffee at her back window. Amy gets out and after exchanging words, she and Brenda get in a cat fight. Amy wrestles Brenda off, but before she could pounce on Amy, she dodges, and Brenda gets impaled in the stomach by another car's three-pronged hood ornament, causing heavy bleeding, sending her into hypoglycemic shock, instantaneous unconsciousness and then she dies soon after, sending her to hell where she deserves. Even after, Amy screamed for someone to call an Ambulance.
"Then Amy slipped into a spot she'd been patiently waiting for, and Brenda went off. That's how two chicks starts fighting over a parking spot. But in this case, Brenda grabbed a little more than she could handle."
Transcript.
Amy: What's your problem?!
Brenda: Bitch!!
Narrator: You know...
Brenda: (Sighs & GROWLS)
Narrator: Then Amy slipped into a spot she'd been patiently waiting for, and Brenda went off. That's how two chicks starts fighting over a parking spot. But in this case, Brenda grabbed a little more than she could handle.
Amy: (screams) Somebody call an ambulance!
Dr. Boyd Flinders: Our loser in this fight inadvertently fell on the hood of a car...
Narrator: Brenda thought she was the toughest girl in the 'hood, then she landed on the hood, and realized she didn't have a lot of guts after all.
Goofs.
Anachronism: A Jeep Patriot is depicted in this segment, which wasn't manufactured until 2007.
| Cat Fight On A Hot Tin Hood |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cat Got Your Life
"Cat Got Your Life", Way to Die #453, is the first death featured in "", which aired on February 8, 2012.
Plot.
Janice (Danae McKillop) is a divorcee who is a cat hoarder, having over 15 of them in her house. Her husband checked out after the 15th cat came in. Janice's obsession with her cats takes new heights, when she mates them in order to drink the milk from the mother cats. What Janice doesn't realize is that her cats were ingesting white snakeroot, a type of plant that makes milk poisonous to humans as it causes the cats milk to contain Tremetol, a form of alcohol that is highly toxic to humans. The Tremetol enters her bloodstream and vital organs. After five days of consuming the Tremetol-laced milk, she develops a high fever, cramping, and nausea. After a whole week, Janice fell into a coma and soon after died.
Transcript.
Narrator: You could say that Janice's decision to drink her pets' milk was a complete...cat...-astrophe!
| Cat Got Your Life |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Catch and Decease
"Catch and Decease", Way to Die #608, is the second death to be featured in "Putting A Smiley Face On Death", which aired on September 14, 2010.
Plot.
Jeffery Miller (nicknamed "Cuzo" which means jackass) has came to the Amazon basin searching for gold. But he's too lazy to do it himself, so he hires a group of natives to search for it and abuses them while they are doing so. To beat the heat, Jeff decided to cool off by swimming in the river.
While he was peeing, the urine attracted a candiru catfish which enters his penis and attaches itself to the side of his urethra. Jeff ripped the fish out, but lost much of the inside of his penis causing it to bleed. Soon, the escaping blood had attracted a school of hungry piranhas, which began to eat Jeff alive, first reducing his arm to bones, and finishing off the rest of him.
Transcript.
Narrator: You know you're having a bad day when a shredded penis is not the worst thing that happens.
Narrator:
Narrator: Jeff came looking for gold, but a little fish swam up his pole. The yellow water turned bloody red... and before you knew it... Jeff... he dead.
| Catch and Decease |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Caught In A Lye
"Caught in a Lye", Way to Die #771, is the fourth death featured in "Death Takes A Vacation", which aired November 14, 2011.
Plot.
A chemical plant owner named Andris lies to safety inspectors about his waste disposal practices, which is very important since his plant was in charge of turning Bauxite into Alumina, the first step in creating Aluminum. When one of them notices a pipe leaking hazardous sodium hydroxide solution, also known as lye, He tries to stop the leak by closing a valve.
However; the pipe bursts, and the toxic chemical spews all over him, destroying his skin and body tissues, and dies soon after, leaving the inspectors horrified.
| Caught In A Lye |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Caulk Blocked
"Caulk Blocked", Way to Die #877, is the third death featured in "If You're Dead – Leave a Message and We'll Get Back to You", which aired on January 5, 2011.
Plot.
A wannabe hip-hop queen and aspiring songwriter named Tina gets buttock implants to get the attention of a male rapper named Little Ron who prefers women with big butts (and has dedicated a hit song to those kind of women). However, the surgeon she hired was a fraud, and her "cheek" implants were made of common bathroom caulk instead of medical-grade silicone. Her new butt gained the attention of Little Ron, but she had no time to party and dance with him. The syringe the surgeon used accidentally hit an artery and sent the caulk into her circulatory system where it clogged her heart and led to cardiac arrest, causing her to collapse and die on the dance floor, leaving the other clubbers bummed and horrified.
"Little Ron was on her like white on rice. But Tina had no time to wag her new butt in victory. She started feeling iller than ill, and in 60 seconds went from bad... to worse... to dropping dead right there on the dance floor."
Transcript.
Narrator: Little Ron was on her like white on rice. But Tina had no time to wag her new butt in victory. She started feeling iller than ill, and in 60 seconds went from bad... to worse... to dropping dead right there on the dance floor.
Narrator: Tina wanted to jump on Little Ron's booty bandwagon. But her butt came up short. So she pumped up its volume, and wound up...butted out.
Female rapper: I wanna shake my butt, my big butt in yo face.
Lil Ron's "Big Fat Booty".
"I want a round butt to squash a butternut"
"Hold the vegetarian please, I'll take quadruple cheese"
"Sour cream in my beer, keep that butter near"
"The more fat I got, the more my butt rocks"
"Bacon at 3:00, pork rinds in a sock"
"Grilled cheese with a side of beef, makes it round underneath"
"My butt round and plump, I'll take 4 *unintelligible*"
"A car full of donuts please, I can't see my knees"
"Big fat booty"
"Big fat booty, booty"
"Big fat booty"
"Big fat booty, booty"
"Big fat booty"
"Big fat booty, booty"
"Big fat booty"
"Big fat booty, booty"
"I want that jab behind, that you will always lust"
"Buy a dozen pizzas with sausage in the crust"
"A dozen raw eggs, with orange chicken legs"
"3 double chocolate cakes, butter mashed potato lakes"
"Big fat booty"
"Big fat booty, booty"
"Big fat booty"
"Big fat booty, booty"
"Big fat booty"
"Big fat booty, booty"
"Big fat booty"
"Big fat booty, booty"
"I want a butt so big that it will break your leg"
"I want a butt so round that it will touch the ground"
"I want a butt with girth that wobbles the earth"
"I want a butt so fat that I could hide my cat (MEOW!!!)"
"Big fat booty"
"Big fat booty, booty"
"Big fat booty"
"Big fat booty, booty"
"Big fat booty"
"Big fat booty, booty"
"Big fat booty"
"Big fat booty, booty"
"I wanna shake my butt in your face"
"I wanna shake my butt, my big butt"
"I wanna shake my butt, in your face"
"I wanna shake my butt, my big butt in your face"
Segment Description.
Description as seen on the Spike TV website
| Caulk Blocked |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Caved In
"Caved In", Way to die #80, is the seventh death to be featured on "Crying Over Spilled Blood", which originally aired on July 15th 2012 A.D. as part of the series finale.
Plot.
Zogg was a Neanderthal, as in a "caveman". He did whatever he could to satisfy his mate, Ubba. But it was never enough, Ubba was bored with the same old cave & same old food, because all she did was stay in the cave. One day in the prehistoric land, Zogg came to his cave with some freshly killed dinosaur meat. but Ubba wasn't in the mood for raw meat. Zogg on the other hand was horny and wanted to mate, but Ubba wasn't gonna do anything until Zogg did something about the food and cave. Ubba then left to spend the night at her mother's cave. Zogg, frustrated did some thinking. While he thought, he threw rocks at a pile of rocks and sparks were created! So he did it some more, and started a small fire! Zogg wasn't necessarily the first to discover fire. Since cavemen didn't spread news about the first fire discovery, Zogg was the first to discover fire "for himself." Soon enough, he was roasting & cooking dino-meat like a dad at a BBQ. But Zogg unknowing created the first gas chamber! Zogg had no way of knowing about the deadly carbon monoxide smoke that come from a fire, and so he had no idea what to do! In a short moment, Zogg started coughing & feeling light-headed. Another moment he was gasping for air & quickly fell unconscious. 2 minutes later Zogg suffocated & died, much to the horror of a returning Ubba.
| Caved In |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Chain Gang Banged
"Chain Gang Banged", Way to Die #439, is the sixth death featured in "That's "Mister Death" To You", which aired on July 11, 2011.
Plot.
Two prisoners named Mack and Billy are on a chain gang attempt to escape by jumping into the bed of a passing pickup truck. The truck driver was playing some ear-splitting country music, in which the driver didn't hear a thing outside, but when the chain of Mack and Billy's leg irons wrapped around the truck's hitch, they are dragged along the ground and die from blood loss, skull fracture and multiple bone fractures.
| Chain Gang Banged |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Chain On You
"Chain On You", Way to Die #244, is the fifth death to be featured in "", which aired on October 31, 2011.
Plot.
Leslie challenges Amber in a motorbike race. Leslie lets Amber take the lead after miscalculating a turn. However, after Amber beats Leslie due to her miscalculation of a turn during the race, she gets furious thanks to her mistake. During Amber's victory, Leslie decides to sabotage Amber's chances of winning the next race; she finds a screw by her feet and places it on the chain of Amber's bike. Afterwards, Leslie sits down to watch. However, as Amber went to do the next race, the sabotage worked, but backfired; the chain goes flying off the bike and hits Leslie's neck. She didn't planned on that, because when the chain wrapped around Leslie's neck, which acted like a serrated blade, that severing the subcutaneous tissues and her carotid artery; she bleeds out at almost one liter per minute and died within a few minutes, sending her to hell where she belongs.
"Leslie jumped out into an early lead. But after miscalculating a turn, she was smelling Amber's exhaust. Leslie's mistake handed Amber the win. One more victory, and Amber would earn a spot in an upcoming pro-level race. Being the vindictive type, she decided to sabotage her rival's chances. Her plan worked, but then broken chain flew off Amber's bike, and wrapped around Leslie's throat. She didn't plan... on that."
Transcript.
Spectators: (Cheer)
Narrator: Leslie & Amber are arch-rivals on an entry motocross circuit.
Flagman/Marshal: Ladies, start your engines!
Narrator: They both shared the same dream: Making it all the way to the big time. And the big money.
David "Shark" Fralick: A professional super war motocross rider, can make between 20,000 and 30,000,000 dollars. Depending on their sponsorship. Everything from... your helmet, to your underwear, to your boots, to the... oil that you use, everyone has a sponsor, and if you end up winning, then you make the big bucks and you can also do commercial endorsment.
Narrator: Leslie jumped out into an early lead.
Narrator: But after miscalculating a turn, she was smelling Amber's exhaust. Leslie's mistake handed Amber the win.
Narrator: One more victory, and Amber would earn a spot in an upcoming pro-level race.
Leslie: Stupid bitch...
Narrator: Being the vindictive type, she decided to sabotage her rival's chances.
Flagman/Marshal: Start your engines...
Leslie: Should have been me up there...
Narrator: Her plan worked, but then broken chain flew off Amber's bike, and wrapped around Leslie's throat. She didn't plan... on that.
Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: As extinguished motorcycle chain ripped through her neck tissues, it acted like serrated blade. Cutting her skin and some continuous tissues, as well as carotid artery. And this would've caused her to bleed out rapidly, and almost 1 liter per minute, causing death within couple of minutes.
Narrator: Leslie will do anything to make it in the highly competitive world of motocross,
Narrator: even cheat.
Narrator: But in the end,
Narrator: she was a little too... cutthroat.
| Chain On You |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Chairway to Heaven
"Chairway to Heaven", Way to Die #219, is the first death featured in "Stupid Is As Death Does", which aired on March 29, 2011.
Plot.
A misanthropic and diabolical deadbeat dad named Mitch who abandoned his family to "find himself" (an act so heinous even the narrator says he wants to kill the man) gets drunk with his friend Jacko while setting up his new house, even missing out on his daughter's dance recital. He brings in a pilot seat from a Soviet fighter jet, unaware that it still works. Mitch pulls the lever on the seat and is launched 10 feet into the air, causing brain swelling, crushing his skull against the roof and killing him within seconds, sending the extremely unlikable, diabolical, misantrophic and very selfish deadbeat dad straight to hell.
"Turns out the fighter jet seat was not only authentic, it was hot; as in, ready to launch."
Transcript.
Narrator: We get a lot of losers on the show, but a guy who turns his back on his own family I’d like to kill him myself. Mitch left his wife and kid, in order to... "find" himself.
Narrator: Whenever somebody asks what this lever do, "never," EVER, pull it.
Jacko: Mitchell?!
Narrator: Turns out the fighter jet seat was not only authentic, it was hot; as in, ready to launch.
Jacko: Mitch!
Eddie Paul:
Narrator: crushing like an ape.
Narrator: There's a word for guys who abandon their families: deadbeat.
Mitch: I gotta work for whole weekend, alright? So deal with it.
Narrator: But there's a simpler even better one for Mitch: dead.
Alternative Description.
Description as seen on Spike TV's website
"A family man ditches his family for the bachelor life, but while building his ultimate man-cave, he makes the fatal mistake of buying a seat from an old F-16 fighter... with the ejector rockets still live."
Alternative Name.
Also known as "Ouch Potato" on Spike TV's website
| Chairway to Heaven |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cham-Pained
"Cham-Pained", Way to Die #593, is the fifth death to be featured in "Wild Wild Death", which aired on November 21, 2011.
Plot.
Heather, an obnoxious, ill-tempered stolen art auctioneer, is granted permission by her crooked-minded boss to run a stolen art auction, which will open with a champagne fountain. When the auction begins, Heather decides to run the champagne fountain by herself, while standing on a chair. When the cork of the champagne bottle launches into Heather's eye, she falls backward into the pyramid of glasses behind her. The glasses impaled into her body make her bleed out, but what caused her death was an impalement wound in the brachial artery, killing her within four minutes.
Transcript.
Narrator: With no confidence in the rent-a-help, Heather decides to pour the bubbly herself. Bad idea.
David Svoboda:
Narrator: With $8,000 worth of crystal embedded in her body, Heather went from toasting to toast. When it came time for her to toast, she went bottoms up. Cheers.
| Cham-Pained |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Chef Boy-R-Dead
"Chef Boy-R-Dead" (a.k.a. "Et Tu Fay"), Way to Die #512, is the second death featured in "Getting A Rise From The Dead", which aired on February 16, 2011.
Plot.
Jacques, a four-star chef with a five-alarm temper, puts Faye, An envious female chef (portrayed by Jayme Lake) as his sous chef. However, Faye's motive is to steal Jacques's PDA, which contains all of his family recipes so that she can branch out on her own. One night, as Jacques goes to leave, Faye bumps into him and pulls the PDA out of his pocket without him noticing and promptly tells him goodnight. While writing down as many recipes as she can, she stops as she hears Jacques return and hides inside of the restaurant's dishwasher. Jacques promptly takes the PDA and leaves, completely clueless as to what happened. The dishwasher comes in and thinking there is a dirty load inside, he activates the machine. The hot water scalds Faye's skin and also burns her organs as it enters the inside of her body, killing her. The next morning, Jacques and the dishwasher discover Faye's dead body.
"The next morning, they discovered... Faye had overcooked... herself."
Transcript.
Narrator: The next morning, they discovered...
Dishwasher: (Screams of horror)
Jacques: "Oh mon dieu!" (Oh my god!)
Narrator: Faye had overcooked... herself.
Narrator: Faye had dreams of being a top chef, but she was no child of Julia. She tried to steal Jacques' recipes and wound up...
Narrator: in hell's kitchen.
| Chef Boy-R-Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Chemi-Killed
"Chemi-killed", Way to Die #405, is the sixth death featured in "Grave Errors", which aired on March 2, 2011.
Plot.
A lab assistant named Deedra learns the rejection from her married co-worker Dr. William Stelgis who had sex with her and regretted it. Suddenly, Dr. Stelgis goes back to his life and his wife, Mrs. Sally Stelgis. Deedra furiously gets enraged and goes on a rampage in the laboratory, destroying his latest experiments. She grabs a flask of sodium azide and smashes it into a sink full of water and chemicals. The sodium azide converts to hydrogen azide gas, which burns the skin off her face and destroys her lungs, killing her.
"Deedra was eager to continue their research. Dr. Stelgis, however, had a different opinion about their...breakthrough. Stelgis ended it, and headed back to his life, and his wife. But hell hath no fury like a lab assistant scorned."
Transcript.
Narrator: Dr. Stelgis
Narrator:
Deedra: Nice watch.
William: Would you stop?
Deedra: What? I know you want it. I can see it.
William:
Narrator: Deedra was eager to continue their research.
Deedra:
Narrator: Dr. Stelgis, however, had a different opinion about their...breakthrough.
William: It's over. Okay? We work together.
Deedra: It's not over.
Narrator: Stelgis ended it,
Narrator: and headed back to his life, and his wife.
Deedra: The bitch...!!!! JUST DESTROY YOU!!!!!!!!
Narrator: But hell hath no fury like a lab assistant scorned.
Deedra:
Deedra: (Screams of pain)
Narrator: Deedra grabbed sodium azide. An extremely valval inorganic compound.
Drew Badger: In a presence of water,
Narrator: The metal sink was filled with water and chemicals. When the breaker exploded,
-Narrator: Deedra became emerged in a cloud of deadly toxic gas.<br>
-Deedra: (Screams of pain)
-Deedra: (Screams of pain)<br>
-Narrator: It seared the skin right off her face...
Deedra: (Suffocates)
Narrator: And then shredded her lungs.
Dr. Steven Burstein: In this circumstance, with exposure to...
Dr. Steven Burstein: in inhalation of sodium azide,
-CGI Human: (Happy Wheel moan)<br>
-Dr. Steven Burstein: burning of the airways occur, resulting in... swelling off the airway,
Dr. Steven Burstein: and through it cumulating in the lungs. Death was likely due to respiratory failure.
Narrator: Deedra couldn't keep her lab coat on.
Deedra: JUST DESTROY YOU!!!!!!!!
Narrator: She couldn't keep her jealously in check.
Deedra: (Screams of pain)
Narrator: And then the whole thing blew up... right in her face.
| Chemi-Killed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Chess Pain
"Chess Pain", Way to Die #169, is the fifth death to be featured in "Dying to Tell the Story", which aired on December 29, 2010.
Plot.
In the 1970s, the ages-old board game of chess was considered a big deal in the Soviet Union, and being a grandmaster at the game makes one a bit of a celebrity. Nikolai was an undefeated chess grandmaster, wanting to stay on top, knowing that one loss could send him to a Siberian labor camp.
One day, he was challenged by a chess-playing computer, the Comrade 5000. Its inventor had boasted that his machine could outplay any human, even the unbeatable Nikolai. The Comrade could move its pieces on a highly-charged electromagnetic chess board. Nikolai realized he was involved in the game of his life, or better yet, for it. Each move brought the computer closer to defeating Nikolai's strategy, causing him to sweat profusely. A few minutes later, he had the Comrade in check and went in for the kill, but it was checkmate for Nikolai.
The chess pieces were made of a highly conductive alloy, and the Comrade's inventor had failed to ground the chessboard properly. This design flaw killed the ill-fated Nikolai. As he touched his opponent's chess piece with a sweaty finger, he was electrocuted and suffered cardiac arrest from the extreme electrical shock, killing him instantly. And possibly sending the Comrade 5000's Inventor to Siberia by make the mistake that killed Nikolai. So at the end, Nikolai died as an undefeated chess grandmaster because died before of the end of the match.
| Chess Pain |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Chicken Boned
"Chicken Boned", Way To Die #917, is the fifth death to be featured on "Deadliest Kitsch", which aired on October 24, 2011.
Plot.
3 youthful teenagers are killing time, standing next to a pickup-truck, behind a building, bored. When one of them, Seth, finds something for them to do, Chicken, which is when two or more people, do something dangerous, until one of them quits. They start of by squirting hot sauce in their eyes. Next they have un-powered jumper cables attached to their nipples. Finally, in the final round, Seth pulls out a pair of M80 firecrackers. Seth and his friend put them in their mouths while another guy lights the fuses. The two stare fiercely at each other, until the other guy backs down and spits out the firecracker, and Seth wins. In his excitement, he raises his head and loosens his jaw, causing his firecracker to fall down his throat. A moment later, the firecracker explodes inside his neck, and he drowns from his lungs filling up with his own blood, causing him to die in minutes.
Transcript.
Narrator:
Narrator: Hey Seth, have you ever heard of a pyrrhic victory? It's where you win the battle, but lose the war.
Narrator: A wise man once said youth becomes but once in a lifetime. Seth also learned the same lesson about death.
| Chicken Boned |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Chili Today... Dead Tomorrow
"Chili Today... Dead Tomorrow", Way to Die #233, is the fourth death showcased in the season 6 episode "Crying Over Spilled Blood", which aired on July 15, 2012.
Plot.
Mary and Larry are on a two-week bus tour through the desert Southwest, and they had stopped by the trading post of a Native American named Chief Proudfoot, in hopes of buying a few souvenirs from him. However, Proudfoot asks very high prices for them (For example, $650 for a medicine man mask). Larry then notices a basket full of ghost chili peppers, which he foolishly assumed were just regular chili peppers.
Despite Proudfoot's warnings not to consume any of them, the ignorant Larry ate one anyway, which burned his mouth badly enough to leave sores in it. That is because ghost peppers measure up to at least 1.5 million heat units on the Scoville scale; 400 times hotter than Tabasco sauce!
His mouth felt like the inside of a pizza oven, as he then raced to the fridge for a drink to cool and douse down the flames on his mouth. It is the worst thing he could've done, as what he drank happens to be rattlesnake venom. The venom entered Larry's bloodstream through open wounds formed in his mouth because of the pepper. Larry yells and vomits a mixture of chunky blood and vomit. Larry starts violently shaking on the ground while the only thing that Mary can do is just sit there and sob. After foaming from the mouth and speaking gibberish, Larry croaks and Marry sits there sobbing.
Transcript.
Narrator: Larry spots something he can sink his teeth into.
Narrator: Larry was a dummy who bit off more than he could chew. He washed it down with some fatal snake venom, and gave up the ghost... pepper.
| Chili Today... Dead Tomorrow |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Chippin Dale
"Chippin' Dale", Way to Die #288, is the second death to be featured in "Unforced Errors", which aired on February 8, 2009.
Plot.
Tiny and Dale are two tree removal workers clearing brush in the 110-degree heat of the Sonoran Desert. It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it; they just wish it wasn't them. They get the last of the branches to the top of the hill and the last job before heading home: chipping the branches. However, the last branch gets stuck. The two are anxious to get home, sip a case of cold ones and catch a cage match back at Tiny's. Dale tries shoving the branch through with his feet, and in the process, learns the hard way: a machine made to destroy tree limbs can also destroy human limbs. Dale is sucked into the chipper, until he is reduced to nothing more than ground chuck/minced meat, much to the horror of Tiny as he gets a blood shower from his shredded remains. After the incident, Dale's pieces were all over the fence and some were on the grass.
Transcript.
Narrator: Clear in brush in a 110-degree heat,
Tiny: Oh, jeez, it's sure it's hot!
Narrator: it's a dirty job. But someone's got to do it. Tiny and Dale just wish it wasn't them.
Tiny: (Sighs of heat)
Narrator: The less than dynamic duo get the last of the branches to the top of the hill. Just one job left: chipping.
Narrator: As machines go, a woodchipper is a low-tech brute. Branches can fit in, spinning blades grind them up, and woodchips get spit out. But it's never easy with these 2. The last branch gets stuck.
Narrator: There's a case of cold ones in a cage fight winning for the back in tinies. It was time to man-up. Dale tries forcing the branch through with his feet.
-Dale: Ah! Ah!! F**k! (Screams)<br>
-Tiny: God!! What are you doing?!! What are you doing?!!
Narrator: Dale finds out the hard way. A machine made to destroying tree limbs...
Dale: HELP ME!!
Narrator: can also destroy human limbs.
-Tiny: (Screams)<br>
-Dale: (Screams) HELP ME!! HELP ME!!
Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: Unfortunately, he probably did feel everything that was going through him.
-Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: Starting with the toes and the foot, just chewing through the tissue, ripping muscle from bone, tearing apart bones itself...<br>
-Tiny: (Screams)
-Tiny: (Screams)<br>
-Narrator: Dale gets turned into ground chuck. Tiny gets a bloodbath. Is there a lesson to be learned from all this carnage? If you're this stupid, maybe you deserved to die.
| Chippin Dale |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Choke-A-Lot
"Choke-A-Lot", Way to Die #498, is the fifth death featured in "Death Gets Busy", which aired on February 22, 2009.
Plot.
Two happy-go-lucky minimum-wage cafeteria workers, Carl and Lenny, are playing around nearby the sink and around the kitchen. One day, at around 2:20 A.M., Carl and Lenny carry two sacks of cocoa-powder and bring them to the store room. In the store room, the two workers opened up the sacks of cocoa powder and play around with the powder while playfully smacking each other. Moments after playing with the powder, the powder starts filling the store room and their alveoli, causing the two to suffocate from a lack of oxygen and die.
"Carl and Lenny are making good time. A couple of sacks of cocoa powder and the race is on. The two idiots pound and pelt each other with wild abandon. If Carl and Lenny were a little less stupid, they might've stopped once they realized they were gradually suffocating for the cocoa-charged atmosphere."
Transcript.
Narrator: Carl and Lenny are making good time. A couple of sacks of cocoa powder and the race is on. The two idiots pound and pelt each other with wild abandon. If Carl and Lenny were a little less stupid, they might've stopped once they realized they were gradually suffocating for the cocoa-charged atmosphere.
Narrator: Carl and Lenny. Stupid is as stupid dies.
| Choke-A-Lot |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Chucked Up
Chucked Up, Way to Die #534, is the third death featured in "Putting a Happy Face on Death", which aired on December 30, 2009.
Plot.
Cynthia (Alexandra Stocks) is acting out a bondage fantasy with her husband Kenny through a live webcam when a burglar breaks into the house and begins stealing things. Cynthia's mouth is duct-taped and she is handcuffed to her chair, so she cannot escape, stop the burglar, or scream for help. After taking her laptop, he leans over her face to thank her for making his job easy before running off with her things before he leaves. While Cynthia smells the thief's extremely bad breath, she vomits, but the duct tape prevents it from exiting her mouth. Instead, it goes down her windpipe into her lungs and she dies from drowning, sending her to heaven.
"She blew chunks, but the chunks had nowhere to go."
Transcript.
Narrator: She blew chunks, but the chunks had nowhere to go.
Narrator: For Cynthia, a day that started with kinky fun just became too hard to swallow.
| Chucked Up |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Clay Achin'
"Clay Achin'", Way to Die #243, is the second death to be featured in "Fatal Distractions", which aired on October 5, 2010.
Plot.
A couple of stoners, Joe and Charlie, created a bong out of clay, the Claymaker 420. Along with using weed and smoke, they used flavor disks to flavor the weed; chopped bacon, coffee-dipped paper, orange peels, any flavor. After they finished their creation, all they had to do was to bake it into a kiln. Their female friend had one in her backyard, and she put the bong in the kiln. After she turned on the propane, all three of them smoke cannabis. Over time, Joe and Charlie went to see how the kiln was doing. After noticing that the kiln's flame was out, all they had to do was to light a match to warm it up. Instead, the lit up match turns the bong into a bomb, and turns the clay into deadly shrapnel, and the resulting explosion kills the two stoners. Their female friend was not only shocked and a little scared, but also a little bummed.
| Clay Achin' |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Clean-Dead Solution
| Clean-Dead Solution |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cleane-Dead Solution
"Cleane-Dead Solution", Way to Die #308, is the eight and Extra to be featured in "Bringing in the Dead", which aired on January 6, 2010.
Plot.
Mary's husband Carl uses her in an abusive relationship as a form of cleaning the house from day to day. She eventually has had enough of Carl and tells him that she's getting a divorce when he comes home drunk again. Carl doesn't like the idea of a divorce at all and charges at Mary. However, the wet floor causes him to slip and land on the dishwasher, in which a knife is placed with the blade up and goes through his heart, killing him instantaneously and sending him to hell where he belongs, much to the relief of Mary.
| Cleane-Dead Solution |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cloudy With A Chance Of Pain
"Cloudy With A Chance Of Pain", Way To Die #368, is the second death featured in "Better Them Than Us", which aired on March 16, 2011.
Plot.
A Russian pimp named Dmitri is preparing to leave with one of his prostitutes, Tina and Sasha. Sasha gets in the car, but locks herself inside when the car is pelted with cement bricks (caused by a failed cloud-seething experiment) falling from the sky. As Dmitri struggles to get in the car, he is hit in the head by a chunk of cement and dies instantly.
Transcript.
Narrator: Tina and Sasha are Russian prostitutes who work for a nasty pimp named Dimitri.
Narrator: He kept them under lock and key until their services were needed.
Narrator: No matter what country you work in, the pimp game is always the same.
Dimitri: "Хорошо пойдем. Я спешу. Не расслабляйся, ты следующий. (Khorosho poydem. YA speshu. Ne rasslablyaysya, ty sleduyushchiy.)" (OK, let's go. I am in a hurry. Don't get comfortable, you're next.)
Sugar Free: The nature of a...a pimp is to get money, bottom line is dollar sign so... we wake up, thinking about sending a hole out the door to get smoke. Here in America, where a woman chooses to be with us, she can come and go at will, er... as opposed to Russia, er... I think it's more of a force type of situation.
Narrator: It was Sasha's turn to get her job on.
Narrator: But before Dimitri could get in the car...
Sasha: (Freaks)
Dimitri: "Блять! (Blyat'!)" (Fuck!)
Narrator: The freakiest rainstorm in Moscow's history came down hard on the abusive pimp.
Sasha: (Freaks)
Narrator: Dimitri had just fallen victim to a cloud-seeding experiment gone bad.
Robert Fovell: Cloud-seeding is pursued by government agencies to alter the rate at which rain is produced. The 2 most common substances used are dry ice and silver iodide, it causes the liquid water freeze on contact.
Narrator: Russia was in the midst of a terrible drought. The government was so desperate for rain. They tried a new technique by throwing bags of quick dry cement into the mix.
Narrator: The idea was it would help the bonding process in forming ice crystals. The experiment was a failure. Houses, cars and Dimitri's skull got pounded into a pulp by chunks of concrete instead of rain.
Narrator: Dimitri's strange and improvable death proved one thing,
-Narrator: even in Moscow:<br>
-Sasha: (Freaks)
Narrator: "Здесь трудно... (Zdes' trudno...)" (It's hard...)
Narrator: "для сутенера. (dlya sutenera.)" (out here for a pimp.)
| Cloudy With A Chance Of Pain |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cloudy With A Chance of Pain
| Cloudy With A Chance of Pain |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cloudy with a Chance of Pain
| Cloudy with a Chance of Pain |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cock-A-Doodle-Die
"Cock-A-Doodle Die", Way to Die #616, is the second death to be featured in "Putting a Happy Face on Death", which aired on December 30, 2009.
Plot.
Fernando matches up with a man nicknamed "Maldito" ("The Wicked One" in Spanish) in an illegal cock fight, hoping to put some food on the table for his family with the help of his prize rooster, "Corazon" ("Heart" in Spanish). Maldito's rooster "El Caliente" ("The Hot One" in Spanish), was a seasoned killer/murderer; Corazon was ultimately outmatched. In a blur of claws and feathers, El Caliente wins the match and Corazon is killed. But while the crowd erupts with approval, Fernando's grief was replaced with suspicion; upon closer inspection, he spots tiny razors hidden on the back of El Caliente's talons, meaning that Maldito had cheated all along. Fernando spread the word and the crowd turned into an angry mob and chased Maldito around the room. Maldito couldn't find a way to escape to his fate. He stumbled and fell. But just as the mob was about to attack and kill him, El Caliente gets there first, having turned against his owner; he slashed Maldito's throat with his hidden razors, cutting open the jugular vein. Maldito bleeds out and dies within seconds, sending the cheater straight to hell where he belongs.
| Cock-A-Doodle-Die |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Coffin Nailed
"Coffin Nailed", Way to Die #150, is the fourth death to be featured in "Up With Death", which aired on December 16, 2009.
Plot.
Mason never had a steady job until he got one with the county morgue. He loved his job knowing that he has a fetish to have sex with dead women. In other words, he is a necrophile. On the day of the funeral for his latest stiffie, Mason drives on his way to the funeral home. The problem is, Mason mistakenly forgot to lock the wheels of the gurney holding the casket. Late for the funeral, Mason takes a shortcut through a parking lot and when a car comes out in front of him, Mason quickly slams on the van's brakes. Mason avoided colliding with the other driver, but not the casket colliding with him; the accident causes the casket to fling forward and hit him in the back of the head, severing his brainstem, pushing him through the windshield and slicing up his skin; following his loss of consciousness, Mason died seconds later, sending the necrophile to the hell he deserved.
| Coffin Nailed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Coffin to Death
"Coffin to Death", Way to Die #435, is the first death to be featured in "Sudden Death", which aired on December 22, 2010.
Plot.
The Nips were a popular Japanese rock band whose members had friendly relations and healthy competitiveness. Combinations of musicianship and theatrics granted the band higher ranks in the Japanese rock scene for ten years. However, in the recent months, jealousy and ego tore the members apart. Their healthy relations and competitiveness descended into hatred. It was actually the tension between lead singer Tinaka and lead guitar player and backup vocalist Basho that caused the decline of their healthy relations.
One night, prior to a concert, the band members had an argument of Tinaka's new prop, a vampire coffin with an inverted pentagram. As Tinaka insisted for his killer entrance, Basho complained that Tinaka has been upstaging them. Tinaka, however, was bossy and demanded them to acknowledge that he is the band, their boss and not them, especially Basho. The other members, feeling downgraded and angered, leave for the stage. Tinaka filled the coffin with the steam from dry ice to add effects for his entrance.
As the band's female stagehands and dancers roll out the coffin, Basho uses this opportunity to steal the spotlight by performing an excessively long, 3-minute guitar solo on top of the coffin (interestingly, the drummer and bassist join in), trapping Tinaka inside the coffin with carbon dioxide from the dry ice and away from fresh air. Once the three minutes were up, all of the oxygen had been used up and Tinaka had died of hypoxia, ceasing his toxic relationships with the other Japanese rock band members, permanently.
Transcript.
Narrator: For the last 10 years, The Nips have ruled the Japanese rock world. A combination of musicianship in theatrics, have kept them on top. But lately, ego and jealousy having tearing them apart. What was once healthy competitiveness, has deteriorated to flat-out hatred.
Narrator: The problem was the constant tension. Between Tinaka, the lead singer, and Basho, the lead guitar player.
Tinaka: "だからいっつもこいつがさぁ、ウナウナウナウナ言うから... (Dakara ittsumo koitsu ga saa... Unaunaunauna iu kara...)" (He always says some excuses...)
Tommy Kende: In band feuding is actually a funny thing, because you always say it's usually case where...you know, you got your front man, and then you got...you know, some other guy in the band also wants to be in front man. And then these 2 guys will really fight for that creative control and fight for the fame.
-Rocker: "そうなんじゃなくて、本番前だからや (Sou nanja nakute, honban mae dakara ya)" (That's not what I meant, we're in pre-live so...)<br>
-Basho: "そうやって決めようよ、じゃあ... (Sou yatte kimeyou yo, jaa)" (Let's decide that way, then...)
Tinaka: "だから本当だからこれ持ってきたわけよ、演出のためにさぁ... (Dakara hontou da kara kore motte kita wake yo, enshutsu no tame ni saa...)" (Because it's true, so I brought this, for the performance...)
Narrator: Today's fight was about Tinaka's new prop: A coffin. It would make for a killer entrance, for Tinaka.
Tinaka: "とりあえずお前らこう楽器持って、ちょっとちょっと... (Toriaezu omaera kou gakki motte)" (For the time being, you guys take your instrument, then...)
Narrator: Basho wasn't buying it.
Basho: "じゃあ聞けやちょっと、こいつ何か言っとるよ... (Jaa kike yo chotto, koitsu nanka ittoru yo...)" (Then listen a little, he says something...)
Tinaka: "イケてるって ! 言ってんだ ! (Iketeru tte ! Itte nda !)" (It'll be cool I said ! I telling you !)
Narrator: As always, Tinaka got his way.
Narrator: The Nips, hot stagehands will doubt the coffin with Tinaka inside, ready to rise from the dead.
Narrator: But Basho saw a chance to steal the spotlight. And launched into the longest guitar solo in Japanese rock history.
Tinaka: (Coughs)
Narrator: Trapped inside the coffin, Tinaka was heading for a finale he did not see coming.
Narrator: Before he jumped in, Tinaka decided to up the theatrics by filling the coffin with smoke from dry ice containers. Bad idea: Dry ice gives off carbon dioxide.
Narrator: In the clant quarters of the coffin, Tinaka was rapidly running out of oxygen. Within a minute, he was gasping for air and suffocated.
Tinaka: (Screams)
Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: Without the presence of oxygen in a purely carbon dioxide environment, the individual would be unable to obtain oxygen for normal body function. This lack of oxygen would shut down the body's organs and they would die.
Tinaka: (Screams)
Narrator: After 3 minute long solo, there was no more oxygen and no more Tinaka.
Narrator: Tinaka wanted to make a big entrance.
Basho: "...こいつ何か言っとるよ... (...koitsu nanka ittoru yo...)" (...he says something...)
Tinaka: "イケてるって ! (Iketeru tte !)" (It'll be cool I said !)
Narrator: Instead, he made an exit, to die for. Sayonara, Tinaka-san.
Segment Description.
Description as seen on Spike TV's website
| Coffin to Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Colon-Gross-Opy
"Colon-gross-opy", Way to Die #730, is the seventh and last death featured in "Dirt Nap", which aired on November 7, 2011.
Plot.
Roommates Sandra (Anne McDaniels), Mike and Jeff have passed time away with contests, from beer-bonging and burping to nitrous-sucking. Sandra, who grew up with her three older brothers, is the most-competitive. However, she always ends up losing to Mike and Jeff lately. One day, a farting contest is announced. Mike and Jeff are out to buy beans and broccoli for the event. Sandra, thinking up a plan to cheat, sticks the tip from an unused whipped cream can, left over from the "whip it" contest, up her colon to blow the compressive gas. However, her plan backfires when the nitrous oxide gas from the can causes quick freezing and immediate necrosis of her intestinal tissue, resulting in swelling and massive hemorrhaging. Holding on to her stomach, Sandra dies on the couch, with her colon spewing blood on her coming-back horrified roommates.
"Today, Sandra wasn't going to leave anything to chance when the inevitable farting contest arose. She had a sure fire plan to blow these boys away. While her roommates were out buying fart-inducing beans and broccoli, Sandra got busy with a leftover from the 'Whip It' contest, an unused can of whipped cream. Her idea was to blow the compressive gas up her colon, then, when the time came, she'd rattle the rafters. She gassed up and then backfired."
Transcript.
Narrator: Today, Sandra wasn't going to leave anything to chance when the inevitable farting contest arose. She had a sure fire plan to blow these boys away. While her roommates were out buying fart-inducing beans and broccoli, Sandra got busy with a leftover from the 'Whip It' contest, an unused can of whipped cream. Her idea was to blow the compressive gas up her colon, then, when the time came, she'd rattle the rafters. She gassed up and then backfired.
Sandra: (SCREAMS) Oh, god!!!!
Mike: Sandra, are you okay?
Mike: Oh... Awwww! I'm covered in ass blood!
Narrator: Sandra was a tomboy who tried to go toe-to-toe with the guys. But when it came time to let it rip, she filled it up, and blew out her own... gas-ket.
Mike: I'm covered in ass blood!
| Colon-Gross-Opy |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Come On, Get Deathy
Come On, Get Deathy.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 19.
Originally aired January 20, 2010.
Title reference: Spoofs "The Partridge Family" theme song "C'mon, Get Happy".
-- This is the Original Episode --
Tanks For Nothing.
Way to Die #113
On December 7, 2006, in St. Augustine, FL. While a devout Buddhist woman meditates inside a sensory deprivation tank, a Florida water moccasin slithers into the tank because of its warmth and bites the woman, leaving her to die from its venom.
The Chokes On You.
Way to Die #322
On June 21, 2002, in Nashville, TN. A dwarf dates an abusive lover who wants him to make money. He tries to practice for a musical stand-up comedy act, but he is not funny. After testing his hackneyed jokes numerous times in front of his bored lover, she finally gets fed up and hits him in the face with her purse, causing his harmonica to go down his throat and choke him to death while his girlfriend laughs, thinking his choking is part of his own act.
Alt names - Harmoni-Can't
Back Broke Mountain.
Way to Die #111
On October 29, 2003, in Los Angeles, CA. An unhappily married couple preparing for divorce go for a walk near a cliff. The husband plans on killing his wife to collect her insurance by taking a picture of themselves with his phone and then shoving her over the edge. As they are about to take the photo and he tries to shove her, she tries to fight him off in self-defense. The ensuing tussle leads to the husband's plan backfiring on him as she accidentally tosses the husband off the cliff. He breaks many of his bones and dies.
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Grateful Bed.
Way to Die #120
On November 7, 2008, in Hollywood, CA. A wannabe musician who is about to be evicted evades his incredibly angry landlord by hiding behind his Murphy bed. After the landlord leaves, he finds that he is stuck behind the bed and no one can hear his screams for help due to him soundproofing his apartment with empty egg cartons and he eventually suffocates.
Alt names - Music Jammed
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Happy Deathiversary".
Fore Head.
Way to Die #479
On June 19, 1998, in <a href="http%3A//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waterloo%2C_Iowa"></a>, IA. A thief hides behind a "Virtual Golf" display in an arcade to wait for closing time. Bored and impatient, he cuts a hole in the display screen to see outside and, as he is looking, someone hits a golf ball into the screen, which strikes the thief in the forehead, fracturing his skull and killing him.
Booty Trapped.
Way to Die #333
On January 17, 2007, in Paso Robles, CA. A greedy woman named Brandy married to an elderly millionaire to locks herself in a secret room in order to play around in the money she skimmed from his accounts after her husband refuses to raise her allowance due to the current recession. While swimming in her ill-gotten gains one day, a small earthquake rocks the room, causing the heavy money bags to knock her unconscious and suffocate her to death.
Alt names - Quaking Money Victimized
S**t Canned.
Way to Die #412 (Note: this is the third death on the show given this number.)
On May 2, 2005, in Sioux Falls, SD. A jealous man attending the wedding of the woman he loved (who is getting married to another man) plans to ruin her day by paying a waiter to slip an extra-strength laxative into her drink. The waiter, after having a pang of conscience, slips the laxative into the man's drink instead. During the toast, the man downs the spiked drink and rushes to the bathroom. After finding the only stall occupied by a couple having sex who refuse to leave, he relieves himself in a trash can outside, but has trouble getting out. The trash can falls and sends the man rolling down a rough hill. He dies of multiple bone fractures and skull trauma.
Alt names - Canned Trashed
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Come On, Get Deathy |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Coming & Going
"Coming & Going", Way to Die #432, is the third death featured in Up With Death which aired on December 16, 2009.
Plot.
Terri, a movie make-up artist rides home with her boyfriend Jesse on the back of his motorcycle. Unfortunately, the vibrations of the bike arouse her to the point of oral sex and for a moment she forgets she is on the motorcycle. She briefly lets go and ends up tumbling onto the road, breaking many bones and dying of internal organ damage.
Transcript.
Narrator: Terri just wanted to unwind. But in the end, she came undone.
| Coming & Going |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Constriction Accident
"Constriction Accident", Way to Die #422, is the second death to be featured in "Life Will Kill You", which aired on May 14, 2008.
Plot.
Meet Milos Dudak, a Czechslovakian immigrant, felt like a very lucky man. Brand new to this country with a wife and baby to support, his construction job was his lifeline. Milos was a model employee, if there was ever one.
Tim McNamara, on the other hand, was a model for disaster. More often than not, he would thirsting a major hangover. Today, he took the wheel of his dump truck flat-out drunk. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people. As Tim backed up his truck filled with 3 tons of sand, Milos had no idea that crushing blow fate was about to deal him.
Within seconds, Milos disappeared under 3 tons of sand. His co-workers rushed to his rescue and quickly uncovered his head allowing him to breathe. They thought they had saved him.
Unable to take a breath, Milos was dying of something called crush asphyxia, a medical term to describe the constriction of the lungs by compressing the torso.
Transcript.
Milo: Is this hole's one, right?
Worker: This is the one.
Milo: Alright, I'm gonna take a...
Narrator: Meet Milos Dudak, a Czechslovakian immigrant, felt like a very lucky man.
Milo: I'll deep in one? You want to deep it?
Narrator: Brand new to this country with a wife and baby to support, his construction job was his lifeline.
Narrator: Milos was a model employee, if there was ever one.
Narrator: Tim McNamara, on the other hand, was a model for disaster. More often than not, he would thirsting a major hangover. Today, he took the wheel of his dump truck flat-out drunk.
Narrator: Sometimes, bad things happen to good people. As Tim backed up his truck filled with 3 tons of sand, Milos had no idea that crushing blow fate was about to deal him.
Narrator: Within seconds, Milos disappeared under 3 tons of sand.
Narrator: His co-workers rushed to his rescue and quickly uncovered his head allowing him to breathe. They thought they had saved him.
Worker: Jimmy, say something!
Dr. Howard Oliver: If you got the all its weight crushing in on you around your chest cavity, there's no way... that your...chest can expand. 'Cause the...
Dr. Howard Oliver: weight of the sand... would push your chest cage in. As you let air out the increase the pressure, so you can open your... lungs. He would get closer and closer to death with airing breath. The only way that could've save him would have been to have really dug fast and got all sand away from his chest cage.
Narrator: Unable to take a breath, Milos was dying of something called crush asphyxia, a medical term to describe the constriction of the lungs by compressing the torso.
Dr. Howard Oliver: Unfortunately, this wouldn't have been really quickly, he would be aware what's going on for... probably a few minutes. Actually been a pretty horrible way to die.
| Constriction Accident |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Contact Die
"Contact Die", Way to Die #270, is the second death featured in the episode "Killing Them Softly", which aired on March 9, 2011.
Plot.
A college student named Katie attempts to seduce her nerdy science classmate, Marshall, in order to get good grades. Katie distracts Marshall while he is mixing ammonia and hydrochloric acid. As she leans over the flask, the gases fuse her contact lenses to her eyes. In a panic, she runs out of the classroom and spots an eyewash station nearby. She trips over the cord of a janitor's buffer and slides down the wax floor, colliding into a wall which breaks her neck and cuts off her respiration.
"Katie was about to learn a valuable chemistry lesson. Don't flash your headlights when your horny lab partner is mixing ammonia with hydrochloric acid."
Transcript.
Narrator: Katie was about to learn a valuable chemistry lesson. Don't flash your headlights when your horny lab partner is mixing ammonia with hydrochloric acid.
Narrator: Katie tried to flirt her way through school. But in the end, she passed...on.
| Contact Die |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cop Out
"Cop Out", Way to Die #107, is the fourth death to be featured in "Locked and Low Dead", which aired on February 29, 2012, along with "Sor-Dead Affair".
Plot.
A less-bitter, arrogant and corrupt police officer named Dan is forced to watch over a group of juvenile delinquents who are being forced to remove anti-cop propaganda graffiti as part of their community service. After yelling at the bad teenagers, he proceeds to his police car, where he gets high off of toluene-based paint thinner. In a delusional rage, he gets out of the car and points his handgun at the teenagers. However, he ends up dropping the gun but as he goes to retrieve it, he accidentally shoots himself in the head due to his impaired motor skills, blasting the entire back of his head off, killing him instantly.
Transcript.
Narrator: He blew his freaking brains out.
Narrator: Dan was lucky the gun didn't go off, but when he picked it up, not so lucky.
Narrator: A bad cop is a blight upon society. They're supposed to serve and protect, not use and abuse. Officer Dan did everyone a favor by taking himself out.
| Cop Out |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Corset Killed Him
"Corset Killed Him", Way to Die #578, is the fourth death featured in "Sudden Death", which aired on December 22, 2010.
Plot.
An arrogant, ill-tempered, overweight, doughnut-addicted ballroom dancer named Esteban uses a corset to make himself look skinny, but he, unbeknownst to him, laces it too tight this time. He dances with Yolanda, his dance partner, and acts as her teacher. After many failed attempts, Esteban starts a argument with Yolanda, and eventually, she is sick and tired of him. This causes her to leave Esteban speechless. You may think that he was at a loss for words but that's not why. Esteban couldn't breathe. The corset compresses his chest and fractures one of his ribs so that it punctures his heart, causing internal bleeding and cardiac arrest, killing him by the time he collapses onto the floor.
"It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out what happens when a blowhard like Esteban runs out of air. He dies!"
Transcript.
Narrator: Do you feel like we do here on "1000 Ways to Die"? Ballroom dancing is for girly men. That's why we're delighted to have quif in our death scope. His name is Esteban, and he's a total "donut hole"...
Narrator: And that's his problem. The once felt manser eats more d-nuts than a whole squad of cops. To keep up appearances,
Narrator: the vein huffster resorted to sucking it in with a Corset.
Carmen Palumbo: The history that we know the most about the corset is from 1820 to 1910. But we believe that it's been around thousands of years, um... to structure the shape of a woman's body. As far as men wearing corsets... It is not as common uh... back then as it is now uh... they're definitely more, but we don't get a lot of people coming in trying on corset.
Narrator: The tight lacing turned the normally uptight Esteban,
Narrator: into a machismo monster.
Esteban: Here, here, and go! "Mira!" (Look!)
Narrator: His poor partner, Yolanda, wore the fit of his hissy-rant tirades.
Esteban: (Spanish accent) What you do, Yolanda? You can do nothing!
Yolanda: It's not me, it's you!
Esteban: I'm the champion!
Yolanda: You make me sick!
Narrator: Finally she had enough...
Yolanda: I've had it!
-Narrator: How dare she walk out on the once great Esteban? He was speechless...<br>
-Esteban: Blah, blah, blah, blah!
Narrator: And not because he was at a loss for words, he couldn't breathe.
Narrator: His too-tight Corset was preventing his rib and diaphragm from expanding. His lungs struggled for oxygen...
Narrator: It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out what happens when a blowhard like Esteban runs out of air...
Narrator: He dies!
Jason Romero: In this case, he's compressing his lungs and the pressure from the corset against his ribs... created a fracture, the rib then broke and being curved... went inward, and unfortunately, it was in the right position to puncture his heart. This caused massive internal bleeding and uh... cardiac arrest.
Narrator: Esteban was an egotistical, pear-shaped, two-stepping prick.
Esteban: You can do nothing!
Yolanda: It's not me!
Narrator: Does it make us happy on 1000 Ways to Die when a jerk like this bites it?
Narrator: Of... corset... does.
Segment Description.
Description as seen on Spike TV (now Paramount Network) website
| Corset Killed Him |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Crack Piped
"Crack Piped" Way to Die #151 is the third death to be featured in Grave Errors, which aired on March 2, 2011.
Plot.
Two tunnel-working scam artists named Henry and Orson are attempting to exploit the pneumatic tubing systems of the early banks by cutting one of the tubes and inserting a block of wood to catch the money capsules. However; as more capsules back up in the line and negative pressure builds as they were enjoying their ill-gotten gains and forgetting about the backed-up pipe, they attempt to pull the block out. The pipe explodes after they manage to do so, becoming a makeshift bomb. Henry and Orson are killed when shards of the pipe impale them in vital areas.
"Henry and Orson weren't about to leave anything on the table. They strained to get to the rest of the loot. But in the end, their pipe dream...turned into a nightmare."
Transcript.
Narrator: Henry and Orson weren't about to leave anything on the table. They strained to get to the rest of the loot. But in the end, their pipe dream...turned into a nightmare.
Narrator: Henry and Orson thought they had an airtight plan for the perfect crime. But then they got greedy, and instead of getting rich, they ended up... paying the piper.
| Crack Piped |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Crappy Ending
"Crappy Ending", Way to Die #213, is the fifth death featured in "That's "Mister Death" To You", which aired on July 11, 2011.
Plot.
On July 18, 2007, in Bangkok, Thailand. An American tourist named Dave visits an erotic massage parlor. During the session, however, he is unable to remain aroused and blames this on a strange buzzing sound within the walls. His frustrated masseuse removes an electrical outlet to check it out and flees in terror when an Asian giant hornet flies out and stings her client. Dave kills the hornet, but her pheromones attract the rest of the swarm, which proceed to sting Dave to death.
Transcript.
Narrator: There are 200,000 sex workers in Thailand and Dave was determined to visit 'em all. Mi Yung's massage parlor was famous for cutting right to the chase.
Dave: Woo, nice... I like that.
Narrator: She started with a happy ending.
Dave: (Panting) Ah... Yeah, I like that. Oh, that's good...
Narrator: But after a month of hard sex touring, Dave was rubbed out.
Mi Yung: Focus!
Dave: Yeah, I am.
-Dave: I'm focused, okay?<br>
-Mi Yung: Focus.
Dr. Ava Cadell: 5% of men who are 40 or under already have male sexual dysfunction. Delayed ejaculation is when a man can't ejaculate. Psychological causes include anxiety, fear of performance or depression.
-Mi Yung: Come on! Please!<br>
-Dave: What do you want me to do?
Narrator: A buzzing sound was messing with Dave's concentration.
Dave: You don't hear that?
Mi Yung: No.
Dave: I can't concentrate with that buzzing.
Mi Yung: Where?
Dave: It's- I don't know, but the outlet or something.
Mi Yung: Okay.
-Dave: Oh... Jesus...<br>
-Narrator: Mi Yung had a look,
Mi Yung: (Screams) "蜂 !!! (Hachi!!!)" (Wasp!!!)
Narrator: and Dave was introduced to the world's scariest insect:
Dave: (Screams of pain)
Narrator: The Asian giant hornet.
Dave: What the-?!
Jules Sylvester: In Japan alone,
Jules Sylvester: this flying tiger, this...Asian hornet, kills more people than any other animal that's including spiders, snakes and many other venomous animal put together. When the scout goes out he actually has a pheromone. The signal is out it's like a radio wave, here they come.
Dave: Damn, that hurts!!
Narrator: The scent from the dead hornet brought out the rest of the nest.
Dave: No...!! NOOO!!! Ah! Ah! Aaah!!
Narrator: And after multiple stings, Dave's sex tour hit a dead end.
Dave: Ah-
Jules Sylvester: The stinger alone is quarter of an inch long. is the actual venom. That's the toxin that does the damage. There's so much of it. There's like 10 times more than a bee would ever give you, he's gonna start melting from the inside out, rotting, it actually eats all the way down to the bone, he was dead in several minutes.
Narrator: Dave was an oversexed sex tourist.
Mi Yung: Focus!
Narrator: Who went from horny...
Dave: Ah...
Narrator: to hornet...
Dave: NOOO!!!
Narrator: to dead. Are you happy with "that" ending, Dave?
| Crappy Ending |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Crash-endo
"Crash-endo", Way to Die #76, is the third death to be featured in "Death Bites!", which aired on December 9, 2009.
Plot.
May was a talented violinist. In her mind, her greatest anatomical treasures were her hands. But May did have one major flaw, one sour note in her symphony of beauty and talent, she was a total klutz. In other words, she is clumsy. One day, as she was going out to perform at a concert, she rolled on top of her ankle and falls down a flight of stairs. Refusing to break the fall with her hands, May slams her head against the wall near the bottom of the steps, cracking her skull and killing her.
"May's hands were her lifeline. Too bad she was always one foot away... from death."
| Crash-endo |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Crate and Buried
"Crate and Buried", Way to Die #264, is the third death to be featured in "Dead Before They Know It", which has been originally aired on March 23, 2011.
Plot.
Ahmed and Ali are two members of a rouge militia group in Sudan that would often steal supply crates needed for refugees. They are both known for their sadism and vicious acts of general cruelty.
One day, as Ahmed and Ali celebrate after antagonizing a few of the unfortunate, suddenly a two-ton supply crate that had a faulty parachute lands on their heads, killing them instantly. Sending those 2 unsympathetic, and heartless evil thugs straight to hell where they belongs.
Transcript.
Narrator: The UN estimates that at least 50% of all relief supplies in Africa never reach their intended destination.
Narrator: If that's true, it's because of heartless bastards like these 2.
Ali: "Bois, bois, bois, bois." (Drink, drink, drink, drink.)
Narrator:
Narrator: They spent their days terrorizing the weak and hungry.
Ahmed: ()
Thaine Allison: We drop
Narrator: Since 2003, over 300,000 have died in Darfur from starvation or violence.
Ahmed: ()
-Ali: (Laughs)<br>
-Narrator: Ahmed & Ali
Ali: "Donne un peu." (Leave some for me.)
Narrator: Wouldn't it be great if people this evil got what's coming to them?
Narrator: Hold on... what's that sound?
Ali: "C'est quoi ça?" (What is that?)
Narrator: Say hello to two tons of instant karma.
Narrator: A relief container chute didn't open, and the cosmic universe displayed perfect aim, by dropping it on their heads...!!
Dr. Boyd Flinders: They're standing there casually and all of a sudden out of the sky comes this 2 ton 4,000 pound box. First it's gonna hit you in the head...
Dr. Boyd Flinders: Drive your skull down into your cervical spine, break your neck, crush your heart and your lungs, with broken bones all over. A ragdoll, limp and dead.
Narrator: Cause of death: Take your pick.
Narrator: If Ahmed and Ali were allowed to look into the future and see how their lives would end, they'd be crushed.
Segment Nickname.
Also known as "Air Maul" on Spike TV's website
Alternative Description.
This was the description for the death as seen on Spike TV's website.
"Three African militiamen hoarding UN relief supplies are crushed by an airdropped crate in the middle of the desert."
| Crate and Buried |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cream-ated
"Cream-ated", Way to Die #204, is the seventh and last death to be featured in "Gratefully Dead", which aired on January 13, 2010.
Plot.
A man named Bernard who suffered mental and sexual abuse from his sadistic uncle Tim in a cow costume develops a fetish for drinking milk straight from a cow's udders. On this particular occasion, he is kicked in the head when he accidentally bites the cow's teat, and dies when his brain bleeds out inside his skull.
"On this particular trip to the dairy queen, Bernard got milk, and then some. Cow milk is really good for baby cows, not weirdos looking for a lactose injection. He clamped down a little too hard on a teat, and the cow went in for tact...and that was that."
| Cream-ated |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Create your own deathcards!!!
Finally i got all the links so you can create your own custom Deathcards.
Photoshop link: https://goodfellaspizzaus.com/download-adobe-photoshop-7-0-free/ FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS
Deathcard link: https://www.4shared.com/file/IpfpkAgGea/1000_Ways_To_Die_Create_your_o.html
Check out Custom Deathcards for created ones.
EXAMPLE/HOW IT WOULD LOOK LIKE: ALSO USE LETTER SPACING FOR W.
BY: LgkGodz21
| Create your own deathcards!!! |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Creative Deaths
Death Trials.
Way To Die #62 - Bed-Dead
Date: March 21, 2003 Location: Orlando, FL
A thief named Lazlo known for a string of murders robs a grocery store cashier blind but gets caught. He tries to find a place to hide. He tried to hide behind a tree, but he was too big. He tried hiding behind a rock but that was too small for him as well. He finds many places to hide but none of them were the right hiding spot for him. Lazlo sees a room just big enough to hide him. He goes in, but when the cops find him, he's dead. Why? When Lazlo entered the room, he triggered a security system and it would kill any intruders that came in. Lazlo was too smart for that, but when he hopped into the bed of the room to rest, the security system tore his insides out, breaking his bones, taking out his arteries, and finally his heart, killing him.
""They say there's no greater challenge than this, but all Lazlo cared about was his gold. If he had any compassion, he wouldn't have been...put to rest."
Way To Die #225 - Cliffed
Date: April 13, 2004 Location: Tuskegee, AZ
Marco, a 43-year-old racer is training for his last race ever. He hopes that this race will be an asset to his retirement. As he is training, he runs up and down the bleachers at a park, goes for a run every day, and eats vegetables for a week. But there is a catch to Marco's training routine...he injects himself with steroids to keep him pumped. Little does he know, his heart is slowing down. He wins the race and feels weak inside. And what he also doesn't know, he's on the edge of a 54 foot cliff. When his weakness gets worse, he stumbles across the cliff and falls off the edge of it and breaks his many his bones on the way down. When his heart stops pumping, he dies before he even his the ground, sending him to Heaven.
"Marco was a champion racer with a bad habit. But his kindness didn't ruin it. In the end, he won the race, but lost the battle...with death.""
| Creative Deaths |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Crestview's corpse movie transcript
(Logo splats)
Background voice:nobody's wrong when they say crestview florida has more deaths than every other place*the victims are shown in 7 different rectangles*the following are not born there;there's the stomach ache who bit into an accidental veggie let's see the duggee fan who ended his happy friendship Or maybe the monkey heart who got chimped let's meet The nautical nonsense between a guy & and octopus how about the guy who crossed the lane the comedian who got set up & finally the guard who was wrongfully executed;let's face it if Crestview wasn't such tragic she wouldn't give us the next episode of 1000 ways to die*the lakeesh gets punched in the Ribs as the shadow appears & the heart shows the logo*
Background voice (megaphone):warning the stories Portrayed in this show are based on real deaths & are extremely graphic names have been changed to protection the identities With no actors of the Deceased some of the dead were unlucky many were bored most were incredibly stupid Do not attempt to try any of the actions depicted;you will...die
Background voice:death...is everywhere most of us try to avoid it other can't get out of it way every day we fight a new war against germs toxins injury illness & other catastrophe there's a lot of ways to end up dead the fact that we survive it all is a miracle cause everyday we live we face...1000 ways to die
(Date:june 6th location:zoo)
Daril:OK so it come to my attention you wanted to adopt an ape well the 1 who likes you every time you visit is yours
Marip:yea & I wanted to Call her tippy;chimps are my most favourite
Daril:well tippy as you name her isn't a chimP she's a gorilla;she might not be walking on her hands like all gorillas do but she's still a gorilla she hasn't learned much
Marip:i have plenty of bananas for her daily meals even a banana split & banana drinks
Daril:very good:i've NEVER had a friend so eazy to trust
Jules sylvester:it's usually hard to interpret chimos from gorillas as they're both black & they're apes but chimos are more of monkeys despite not having a tail
Marip:ok girl let's go
Background voice:daril may have been marip's best friend but she was bad at telling differences she has a goid attitude in the process tho
Marip:that was a good banana salad wasn't it tippy;this is gonna sound weird but do you wanna play a game
Background voice:primates think like humans which all don't always come from them in this caseher pet monkey knew all about games
Marip:do ya know how to play judo?*tippy nods*OK let's play
Background voice:this death isn't the monkey's fault it's nobody's but when daril was talking to marip about the adoption she didn't explain the real details about tippy she literally was a chimp & chimp are the smartest of all primates
MARIP:OK SHOW ME WHAT YOU CAN DO*SHE RUNS & TIPPY GRABS HER & THROWS HER LIKE IN THE JUDO GAME IS SAID TO BE DONE BUT SUDDENLY SHE IS HIT ON THE WALL & THEN HER CRYSTAL BOULDER HITS HER & SHE FALLS DEAD*
LESLIE KOBAYASHI:THIS GIRL HAD A SOFT SPOT ON HER HEAD SPECIFICALLY NEAR HER SKULL SO WHEN TIPPY PUSHED HER FORWARD THE WALL SQUASHED HER BRAIN BUT THAT DIDN'T KILL HER THE CRYSTAL BOULDER SMOOSHED HER SKULL & DIED OF BRAIN HEMMORAGE*TIPPY IS SHOWN CRYING & MOURNING OF HER CORPSE*
BACKGROUND VOICE:LESSON LEARNED IF YOU'RE TRICKED OVER ANIMAL BREEDS DON'T LET THE BREED FOOL YA MARIP MAY NOT HAVE DONE THAT BUT SHE LEARNED TO NEVER JUDO WITH A CLEVER ANIMAL LIKE A CHIMP
NEVAEH:COME ON TIPPY LET'S BRING YOU TO THE FUNERAL GARDEN & YOU CAN GO TO HEAVEN WITH HER
(WAY TO DIE #37 WHAT THE CHIMP)
(DATE:SEPTEMBER 30TH location:MACON GEORGIA)
Background voice:gluten allergies are 1 of the rarest allergies wherever;Morton tom or as some call him Morton which is a girl's name;his best friend gortom
Gortom:hey guys what's up*the waiter comes over*
Loptom:oh hey gortom what would you like today
Gortom:oh just a chocolate cake topped with icing over fondant i had celiac disease at age 6 but soon we found out it wasn't gluten at all we don't know what it was
LOPTOM:YA KNOW YOUR BEST FRIEND MORTON LIKES BAKING BUT HE MOSTLY EATS VEGGIES
GORTOM:YEA HE'S ALSO DIABETIC;HI MORTONTOM*HE WAVES AT GORTOM*DOES HE EAT MORE THAN ONCE DURING WORK
LOPTOM:YEA HE EATS VEGGIES WHILE BAKING TO HELP KEEP UP HIS STRENGTH AS HE REMAINS HIS INSULIN;THE DOCTORS ARE DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO CURE HIS MEDICAL CONDITION
BOYD FLINDERS:LOTS OF CRITTERS SAY THAT IF YOU TAKE A MEDICINE WHILE ON CELIAC DISEASE IT'S PROVEN TO BRING DOWN YOUR GLUTEN ALLERGIES BUT THAT IS A GOOD POINT CAUSE IT'S EASIER THAN AVOIDING THE FOODS YOU LOVE I WOULD'VE DONE THE SAME IF I COULDN'T EAT GLUTEN IF YOU'RE CURIOUS OF WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE I'LL SHOW YOU IN A VIDEO
BACKGROUND VOICE:LOPTOM NOT ONLY LOVED HIS FRIEND'S CAKE HE NEVER STOPPED GOING TO HIS BAKERY;MORTON HAS BEEN RUNNING HIS BUSINESS FOR YRS
LOPTOM:I HOPE HE NEVER STOPS MAKING CAKES HE'S PUT HIS BFF POISON IN THESE YUMMY THINGS*BITES INTO THE SLICE OF CAKE*I'LL NEVER STOP GOING TO HIS PLACE FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE
BACKGROUND VOICE:MORTON'S CAKE WAS FINISHED AFTER A FEW DAYS BUT FOR A FEW DAYS*LOPTOM HAS A COUGHING FIT*HE WAS ALL COUGHY*A FEW SECONDS LATER MORTON CALLS ON HIS FAX*
LOPTOM:HEY MORTON WHAT'S UP...I'M FINE JUST COUGHING A LOT I KNOW YOU DON'T PUT ANYTHING BAD IN YOUR CAKES...GLUTEN OVERDOSE? I DON'T EAT THAT MUCH GLUTEN (BACKGROUND VOICE:LOPTOM TRIES TO HOLD HIS BREATH BUT SUDDENLY) I'LL STOP COUGHING SOON HOPEFULLY OH BY THE WAY IF I STOP LIVING 1 DAY I WANNA BE A DOLL TO YOU SO I'LL STILL ALWAYS EAT YOUR CAKES & ONLY YOUR CAKES*HE FALLS TO THE GROUND DEAD*
BACKGROUND VOICE:HIS BAKERY VISITS ARE OVER;IT CERTAINLY WASN'T A GLUTEN OVERDOSE THAT MADE LOPTOM COUGH LIKE THAT;WHEN WORKING ON HIS CAKE FOR LOPTOM MORTON ACCIDENTALLY GOT GREEN DOTS FROM HIS BROCCOLI INTO THE CAKE;THIS ISN'T WHAT KILLED HIM BUT WHEN HE FELL FORWARDLY SIDEWAYS HE FELL FACE 1ST ONTO A BLUNT OBJECT;BROCCOLI IS USUALLY NOT LOVED BY MORE THAN A VERY RARE AMOUNT OF CRITTERS BUT IT'S MEANT TO BE HEALTHY UNLESS YOU'RE ALLERGIC
LYDIA LAM:WHEN THE CAKE CONSUMER BIT INTO THE BROCCOLI IN MORTON'S CAKE HE DIDN'T GO INTO ANAPHOLACTIC SHOCK BUT HE HAD A COUGHING FIT AS HE FIT HIS FACE ON THIS BLUNT OBJECT WHICH BLUNT MEANS HARD OR EVEN UNBREAKABLE HIS NOSE WAS SQUASHED & HIS BONES WERE FRACTURED & WAS DEAD FAST
BACKGROUND VOICE:LOPTOM WAS A GLUTEN ADDICT WHO WAS ALL ABOUT HIS FRIEND;BUT AS HE BIT INTO A VEGAN DESSERT HIS FRIEND'S INSULIN WILL BE LOST WITH HIS TEARS & HE'LL GO TO HEAVEN WITH HIM;HOW DO YA LIKE THAT LOPTOM NOW YOU CAN BE THE DOLL YOU WANTED TO BE & EAT AS MUCH CAKE AS YOU WANT THAN YOU DID? (MORTONTON (THRU FAX):LOPTOM ARE YOU OK? BEST FRIEND)
(WAY TO DIE #89 SLAYER CAKE)
BACKGROUND VOICE:UP NEXT THE ACT OF YOUR LIFETIME GOES ARWY & AN EXECUTION GOES FATALLY WRONG
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(DATE:MARCH 7TH LOCATION:MSP IN PLYMOUTH) (DUE TO THE ORIGINAL TYPINGS DELETING THEMSELVES MAJORITY OF THIS EPISODE/SEGMENT (& THE NEXT 1) IS PRESENTED IN UK VERSION & WILL BE AIRED THAT WAY)
HORACE:SO READY TO GO TO HELL?
LEO (FROM DEAD FELLA):PLEASE DON'T DO THIS I'LL NEVER ME A HITMAN OR MOBSTER AGAIN (HE SAYS THIS IN THE UK VERSION AS IT'S IN A DIFFERENT SENTENCE)
HORACE:TOO BAD YOU'RE GONNA DIE & THAT'S FINAL (UK VERSION)
LEO:PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING TO PROVE I'M HARMLESS (UK VERSION)
HORACE:ALRIGHT FINE BUT YOU ONLY GET 1 CHANCE MISTER (UK VERSION;I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT I TYPED ORIGINALLY BUT IT ERASED ITSELF AS MY LAPTOP DIED BUT WHATEVER THEY WERE THEY'RE THE US VERSION)
AMY MERTENS (THE ORIGINAL INTERVIEWEES PROBABLY DEMISED (DUH-MICED/DIM-ICED):DEATH ROW HAS BEEN AROUND FOR A LONG TIME BUT WE'RE TRYING TO PUT AN END TO IT EVERYWHERE CAUSE WE LEARNED THAT THESE TYPES OF PUNISHMENT INCLUDING JAILS & JUVENILE HALL IS GONNA MAKE STUFF WORSE & WE NEED TO GIVE OUR CRIMINALS & BORN-INNOCENT CRITTERS LIKE NEVAEH A CHANCE TO PROVE THEY'RE HARMLESS & NEVER NAUGHTY (UK VERSION)
BACKGROUND VOICE:OFFICER HORACE HAS BEEN A GUARD FOR YRS & HE'S KNOWN ALL THE RULES BEFORE AS HE'S VISIT JAILS & PRISONS & EVEN WATCHING EXECUTIONS;UNLIKE HIS FRIENDS WHICH WERE HIS PRISON MATES HE'S THE STRICTEST OUT OF THEM ALL & HE HAD MORE THAN 3 MATES;BUT AFTER 2 RUNS WITH THEOTOM'S EXECUTION AFTER LEO'S HE LOST IT (UK VERSION)
HORACE:OK YOU ASKED FOR IT*TRIES TO SAW HIM BUT THE LAWYER HALTS* (UK)
LAWYER:WOAH DUDE RELAX;LET'S GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO PROVE HIMSELF (UK)
HORACE:OK LAWYER O MINE (UK)
SALTOM AKA GUARD #2:WELL THAT'S OUR LAST EXECUTION OF THE DAY;WHAT SHOULD WE DO AFTER DEATH ROW GOES OUT OF BUSINESS
HORACE:WE COULD MAKE THE DEATH CHAMBER LIKE A MUSEUM & KEEP EVERYTHING ON DISPLAY OR EVEN BETTER WE COULD ALL USE SAWS ON THEM
NELTOM AKA GUARD #4:DUDE YOU ARE CRAZY (HE SAID ARE IN THE UK VERSION)
MANDRELL:YEA YOU'RE LUCKY YOU DON'T HAVE A CRIMINAL RECORD YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ON THIS POSITION
HORACE (HORACE IS HIS LAST NAME):I MIGHT NOT BE A CRIMINAL BUT I'M NOT GONNA TAKE THE CHANCE WITH THESE OTHER CRIMINALS OUR WORLD NEEDS TO BE A SUCCESS NOT A TRAGIC;WHEN I DIE I WANNA BE DISPLAYED IN ALL MUSEUMS EVERYWHERE SO THAT WAY WHEN THEY SEE ME I WILL BE NOTICED
PINTOM:I HATE THAT GUY
HARRYTOM:I KNOW RIGHT;YOU'RE NOT THE 1ST TO GET ACCUSED SOME GUY DID A ROBBERY AT THE SHOPPED & GAVE HIS STUFF TO ME JUST SO I CAN BE ACCUSED (UK VERSION)*THE NEXT MORNING PINTOM WAKES UP & HORACE WALKS OVER*
BACKGROUND VOICE:PINTOM'S EXECUTION WAS EARLY IN THE MORNING & HORACE HOPED IT WOULD GO RIGHT
PINTOM:HEY SIR CAN HARRYTOM WATCH ME HE WANTS TO WATCH ME DIE*HARRYTOM IS SEEN CRYING*
HORACE:I SUPPOSE HE COULD & DON'T CALL ME MAN THAT MAKES ME FEEL OLD*AFTER 2 RUNS OF ELECTRICITY PINTOM DOESN'T DIE*
PINTOM:SO NOW THAT I'M STILL ALIVE CAN YOU LET ME GO (UK VERSION)
HORACE;YOU CAN PROVE YOURSELF ALL YOU WANT BUT NO MATTER HOW INNOCENT YOU ARE YOU ARE NOT LEAVING THIS PRISON
HARRYTOM:OH DUDE I'D THOUGHT I'D LOSE YOU FOREVER HORACE CAN I HAVE MY EXECUTION CANCELLED AS WELL (UK)
HORACE:SURE WHY NOT
CHIEF:OK GUARDS OFFICERS & COPS ARE YA READY TO GO HOME
HORACE:HEY CHIEF WOULD YOU PAY ME MORE TO STAY OVERNIGHT & WATCH OLD SPARKY
CHIEF:OF COURSE (UK VERSION) MY TRUSTABLE GUARD LEADER
HORACE:EVEN FOR A STRICT GUARD HE NEVER DESERVED REVENGE*HORACE SLEEPS ON OLD SPARKY;AS PINTOM STRAPS HIM & HARRYTOM PUTS THE ELECTRIC HAT ON HIM HE DOESN'T FEEL ANYTHING BUT HE'S GONNA FEEL ELECTRICITY IN MANY MOMENTS;THEY CARELESSLY DON'T WET THE SPONGE* (UK VERSION)
BACKGROUND VOICE:THIS REVENGE WASN'T GOING RIGHT SO WHEN PINTOM FLIPPED THE SWITCH...*HE DOES SO & HORACE IS ELECTROCUTED WAKING HIM UP IN THE PROCESS* (UK)
HARRYTOM:ALRIGHT DUDE HE'S GONNA GET WHAT'S COMING TO HIM*WITHING A FEW MINUTES WHILE STILL ELECTROCUTED HE STARTS GETTING FIRED*
JASON ROMEO:WHEN YOU DON'T WET THE SPONGE DURING THE ELECTRIC CHAIR YOU CAN BURN TO DEATH SO NOT ONLY WAS THE PRISON GUARD ELECTROCUTED FATALLY BUT HE WAS BURNED ALL OVER HIS BODY & DIED FROM ELECTRICAL BURNS (UK VERSION)
BACKGROUND VOICE:THE NEXT MORNING AFTER HOSING THEY DISCOVERED...*EVERYONE INCLUDING THE GUARDS CHIEF & LAWYER ARE SHOCKED TO SEE THE POOR GUARD IN HIS CORPSE*AFTER CHECKING THE SURVEILLANCE TAPE THEY KNEW WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE
CHIEF:YOU 2 ARE GONNA GO TO JUVENILE HALL FOR 1 MONTH & BACK HOME (UK);FEEL FREE TO SAY YOUR FAREWELLS TO HORACE
BACKGROUND VOICE:HORACE WAS THE BESTEST OUT OF EVERY ITON FIST BUT HE COULD'VE BEEN LESS HARSH (STRICT IN THE UK VERSION) FOR A GUARD BUT ONCE HE SAT IN OLD SPARKY HE WAS IN DEAD HEAT
HARRYTOM:WELCOME TO HELL HORACE YOU CAN TORCHER CRIMINALS AS LONG AS YOU'D LIKE
PINTOM:THERE'S ALWAYS A GOD IN MUSEUMS FOR YOU*EVERYONE LEAVES IN DISMAY*
(WAY TO DIE #32 ELECTRICAL DALMATION)
LAKEESH CKA MIRA (4 FRIENDS ARE WATCHING FROM A DISTANCE):WELL THIS IS STUPID I'M NOT MAKING MUCH CASH EVEN WHEN I ADD NEW ACTS I DON'T MAKE MUCH I NEED A NEW APPROACH (UK VERSION)
LESLIE (RED DRESS):POOR MIRA SHE'S POSSIBLY THE BEST NOTABLE COMEDIAN OUR HEARTS HAVE HAD SHE SHOULDN'T NEED TO GET PAID LESS
ALTOM (UK NAME) (HE'S SIMILAR TO STEVEN BURSTIEN THE GERMITISH DOCTOR BUT HE'S NOT IN HIS FAMILY NOR IS HE PORTRAYED BY HIM):IF ONLY THERE WAS A WAY TO HELP HER
DAIRILLTOM:I WOULD BUILD HER A MACHINE THAT CAUSES COMEDY BUT I GET PAID LESS AS WELL SO THERE'S NO PT (UK VERSION)
DIESKAY (SHE'S SIMILAR TO THE GIRL FROM ADAM RUINS EVERYTHING BUT SHE'S NOT PORTRAYED OR IN HER FAMILY):WELL GET OUT THERE & BUILD THAT MACHINE (UK VERSION)
FIFI LARUE:I MIGHT BE A KILLER CLOWN BUT MY KILL IDENTITY IS SECRET BUT I'M HARMLESS ON THE INSIDE I SOMETIMES THINK ABOUT KILLING CHILDREN CAUSE I DON'T LIKE'M (UK)
BACKGROUND VOICE:IT WAS TIME FOR THE NEXT ACT OF LAKEESH & MIRA WAS HOPING TO GET RICHER THAN SHE DOES DAILY (UK)
LESLIE:YOU GOT THAT MACHINE (UK)
DAIRILLTOM:YEA
ALTOM:HI MIRA COULD WE WATCH YOU FROM ON THE STAGE WE WANNA SEE YOU UP CLOSE
MIRA:OF COURSE ANYBODY CAN STAND UP THERE AFTER ALL I DO RUN THIS STAGE (UK)
BACKGROUND VOICE:AFTER MANY USUAL ACTS & MANY NEWER 1'S MIRA WAS READY FOR THE BIGGEST OF HER LIFE (UK)
MIRA:OK EVERYONE I'M READY TO SHOW YOU A FINALE OF THE DAY (UK)
GUY IN AUDIENCE:HEY MIRA ARE YOU GONNA USE THAT MACHINE FOR THIS 1
MIRA (NOTICING DAIRILLTOM'S MCHINE):HUH YA KNOW I DON'T REMEMBER HAVING THIS;LET'S TRY IT OUT*PRESSES THE PIE BUTTON WHICH SPLAHES PIE IN HER HAIR & SHE EATS IT ANYWAY*PLEASE MAKE ME A FRESH 1 FOR LATER*PRESSES THE HORN BUTTON & THE HORN STARTLES HER MUCH TO THE AMUSEMENT OF THE AUDIENCE SAME THE AIR HORN;SHE THEN PRESSES THE FART BUTTON WHICH FART SPRAY IS AT HER & THEY GIGGLE*THIS THING IS GREAT I SHOULD USE IT MORE OFTEN;I'M DEFINITELY GONNA GET A RAISE (UK)
PALTOM (UK NAME) (DAIRILLTOM'S BOSS):I'M GONNA RAISE DAIRILLTOM'S PAYMENT FOR THIS (UK)
MIRA:NOW WHAT DOES THIS LAST BUTTON DO*PRESSES IT WHICH HAPPENS TO BE THE BOXER BUTTON OR IN THIS CASE PUNCH BUTTON;IT STARTS PUNCHING & MIRA TRIES AVOIDING IT AS EVERYONE GIGGLES* (UK)
DAIRILLTOM:DARN IT I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT THE BOXER IN THERE
LESLIE:ARE YOU KIDDING IT'S FUNNY
BACKGROUND VOICE:IT WAS ABOUT TO WRAP UP FATALLY*THE GADGET PUNCHES IN THE AIR 3 TIMES BUT ON THE 4TH SHE PUNCHES MIRA IN THE RIB WHICH CAUSES HER PAIN & THIS TIME ONLY LESLIE DIESKAY & ALTOM ARE GIGGLING*
DAIRILLTOM:I DO NOT LIKE THE LOOK OF THIS
LESLIE:WHY SHE'LL LAUGH AFTER HER PAIN IS DONE
DAIRILLTOM;I DON'T THINK SHE'S GONNA BE LAUGHING FOR LONG LOOK*SHE COLLAPSES DEAD FROM THE PRESSURE OF THE PUNCH*
BACKGROUND VOICE:WELL DAIRILLTOM MIGHT HAVE WON EXTRA PAYMENT BUT HE'S GONNA BE HATED IN THE PROCESS;HOWEVER THIS WASN'T HIS FAULT HE WASN'T TOLD THAT MIRA HAD A SOFT SPOT IN MULTIPLE PARTS IN HER SENSITIVE RIBS
BOYD FLINDERS:WHEN YOU HAVE SENSITIVE BODY PARTS IT'S A CHANCE YOU CAN FEEL INTENSE PAIN BUT IN THIS SITUATION MIRA WAS PUNCHED NEAR THE MOST FRAGILE PART OF HER RIBS SO WHEN THE CONTRAPTION PUNCHED HER DIRECTLY THERE THE PIECE OF IT PUNCTURED THE LUNGS & HEART & SHE DIED AS ALL HER LUNG BLOOD WAS WASTED OUT
BACKGROUND VOICE:IT'S NOT FUNNY TO SET UP A COMEDY ESPECIALLY FOR A POOR GIRL WELL...AT LEAST THEY TRIED
(WAY TO DIE #435 FUNNY BONED)
BACKGROUND VOICE:COMING UP A LIVE SHOWS MAKES HAPPY LOSE HIS CHEERFUL LIFE
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BACKGROUND VOICE:DID YOU KNOW NICK JR ISN'T JUST FOR KIDS? TEENS TWEENS & EVEN ADULTS CAN SEE THEM;HOPOTOM LOVED NOTHING MORE THAN KIDS SHOWS;HE'S BEEN TO ALMOST EVERY LIVE SHOW;THERE'S ONLY 1 THAT HASN'T BEEN SEEN
ADAM LONGWORTH:ME GRANT & SUZANNE PLAY GREAT AS TAG'S MUM BUT LUCY MONTGOMERY PLAYED TERRIBLE AS HER & SHE'S BETTER AS HENNIE IN FACT;IF I CAN COOK I CAN BE A STAR OF VOICES
BACKGROUND:THERE WAS 1 THING ABOUT HIS LOVE FOR DUGGEE YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT;UNLIKE ALL THE OTHER CHARACTERS HAPPY WAS HIS FAVOURITE;THE NEXT DAY AT THE LIVE SHOW WAS GONNA BE THE TIME OF HIS LIFE
SUZANNE BURTISH:SO HOPO WHAT'S YOUR LOVE FOR DUGGEE
HOPOTOM:WELL YOU MIGHT NOT BE AWARE OF THIS BUT I WANNA TELL YOU THAT HAPPY IS MY ONLY FAVOURITE CHARACTER NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE THE OTHERS BUT I CARE FOR HAPPY MORE THAN I DO THEM I TOTALLY LOST IT WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT LUCY MONTGOMERY PLAYED TAG'S MUM
SUZANNE:WELL WE SUPPORT YOUR OPINION & WE HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU*HAPPY THE CROCODILE IS BROUGHT BY HIS FRIENDS IVOR & NORRIE'S DAD*
HOPOTOM;OH MY GOD HAPPY CROCODILE I LOVE HIM*EVERYONE CHEERS*
HAPPY:HOPO WHY EXACTLY DO YOU ONLY LOVE ME IF YOU'RE A FAN OF THE SHOW
HOPOTOM:I DON'T KNOW BUT I GET EXCITED EVERYTIME I SEE YOU & IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR DIRECT PERSONALITY & LEADERSHIP I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU SUPPORT;I WAS THINKING ABOUT DOING MY OWN KIDS SHOW & MAKE CASH CAUSE I'VE HAVEN'T GOT A REAL JOB SINCE I QUIT MY JOB AS A SUBMARINE INSPECTOR
HAPPY;WELL I'D LIKE TO BE IN YOUR SHOWS
HOPOTOM:GREAT I JUST NEED TO FIND A WAY TO GET A PLACE CONSTRUCTED FOR MYSELF;ALSO WHEN I DIE I WANNA BE IN YOUR FRIEND'S CLUBHOUSE SO WHENEVER I SEE YOU YOU'LL BE MY FAN
BACKGROUND VOICE;THIS BOND IS A PICTURE OF TRANQUILITY & HARMONY UNTIL...SOME JERK DECIDES TO STOP THE LIFE OUT OF JEALOUSY
HOPOTOM:hey what's your problem are you a murderer
Peetom honey frankstill:no I'm not a murderer but ya know I signed up to meet happy & you are a VIP who 1st gets it?
Hopotom:prepare to be tackled*they start attacking each other & happy gets rated & pulls peetom away from hopotom*
HAPPY:BACK OFF & GET OFF*PUSHES THE GUY IN SELF DEFENSE WHICH KILLS HOPOTOM IN THE PROCESS*
BACKGROUND VOICE:WELL LOOKS LIKE HAPPY'S PRODUCTS ARE GOING TO HEAVEN WITH HIM*HAPPY CRIES*
DJ GREEN:IT WASN'T THE PUSH THAT KILLED THE 1 THAT WAS JEALOUS BUT AS HE FELL ON HOPOTOM HIS BONES MAY HAVE SURVIVED BUT HIS HEAD WAS BORN WITH A SENSITIVE SPOT SO WHEN HE WAS HIT HE SUFFERED BLEEDING IN THE BRAIN & HE DIED OF SHOCK TO THE SKULL
BACKGROUND VOICE:HAPPY SHINED TO HIS OWN HEART WHEN HE GAINED AN IN-PERSON FRIENDSHIP WITH HOPOTOM BUT AS PEETOM BROKE THE FRIENDSHIP WITH HIS OWN BROKEN HEART HAPPY IS NOW GONNA CHANGE HER NAME TO...SADDY
(WAY TO DIE #314 HAPPY IS NOW DEPRESSION)
(DATE AUGUST 10TH LOCATION:VANUATU)
BACKGROUND VOICE:VANUATU IS A PEACEFUL COUNTRY OF OCEANIA BUT WAIT WHO DO WE SEE HERE? MURTOM MIGHT LOOK LIKE A FISH THIEF BUT HIS MAIN ROLE IS TO SAY HI TO SEA CREATURES CUDDLE THEM & DEFEND THEM FROM NETS & FISH KILLERS;THIS WAS PERFECT FOR HIM AS HE LOVED SEA ANIMALS;THE ONLY ANIMAL HE HASN'T DONE HIS JOB WITH SO FAR WAS THE BLUE RINGED OCTOPUS THE ONLY TOXIC OCTOPUS ELSEWHERE
JULES SYLVESTER:THE BLUE RING OCTOPUS WON'T KILL YOU WITH THE VENOM UNLESS YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO IT;DESPITE THE FACT THAT CERTAIN ANIMALS HAVE DEADLY POISONS THEY'RE ALWAYS TO BE CONSIDERED HARMLESS & HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE STROKED
BACKGROUND VOICE:1 OF THE GUARDS INSTALLED A SUBMARINE ON THE WATER;NOBODY WAS ALLOWED NEAR IT EXCEPT MURTOM AS HE WAS A VIP TO THE WATERS OF ALL PLACES*HE THEN GOES UNDERWATER*
MURTOM:WHERE CAN I FIND THE OL'BLUE RING
BACKGROUND VOICE:ANOTHER THING ABOUT MURTOM HE CAN SPEAK ALL THE SEA ANIMAL LANGUAGES*TALKS TO THE DOLPHIN WHILE SQUEAKING*
DOLPHIN:SQUEAK SQUEAK*SHE POINTS THE FORWARD DIRECTION AS THAT'S THE WAY MURTOM IS ALREADY GOING*
MURTOM:SQUEAK SQUEAK
BACKGROUND VOICE:THE OCTOPUS SEEMED QUITE INTERESTED IN THIS GUY*THE OCTOPUS CUDDLES HIM WITHOUT BITING HIM*
MURTOM:AWWW
BACKGROUND VOICE:IT'S A HAPPY MEAT UNTIL...A GROUP OF JERKS DECIDE TO CAPTURE THE RINGY SPECIES*THE NET GRABS THE OCTOPUS & MURTOM GOES AFTER IT*
MURTOM:HEY YOU;LEAVE THE LITTLE GUY ALONE*HE UNDOES THE NET THEY SET HIM FREE & DRIVE OFF*
BACKGROUND VOICE:THINGS WEREN'T ALWAYS A GOOD STROLL WHEN IT CAME TO LIFE ON MURTOM ESPECIALLY WHEN THIS POOR OCTOPUS HAS AN UNEXPECTED INCIDENT WHEN MURTOM'S ARM FLOATIES KEEP HIM FROM GOING UNDER*THE OCTOPUS HELPS HIM DOWN ACCIDENTALLY BITING HIM*AS HE REACHES THE SURFACE IN A BIIG VICTORY HE GOES FROM SEAWEED*HE DIES AS HE'S HALFWAY OUT OF THE SUBMARINE*TO DRIED KELP;I'M SURE YOU ALREADY HEARD JULES TALK ABOUT SOME CRITTERS BEING ALLERGIC TO OCTOPUS POISON WELL MURTOM WAS 1 OF'EM
RAMON CESTERO:WHEN THE BRO BIT THE HARMLESS DIVER HIS ALLERGY ACTED UP AS HIS MOUTH STARTED TO FEEL NUMB ALONG WITH HIS TONGUE FACE & NECK & HE SUFFERED A TIGHT CHEST AS HE COULDN'T BREATHE & THAT'S WHAT LED TO HIS DEATH
BACKGROUND VOICE:MURTOM WAS A NAUTICAL SMITTEN DIVER WHO WENT INTO THE CUTE ZONE BUT ONCE THE OCTOPUS CAUSED THIS ACCIDENTAL KILLING HE WAS WASHED UP IN HIS SUBMARINE
(WAY TO DIE #444 RING A DING DEAD)
(DATE:FEBRUARY 6TH LOCATION:SAN FRANCISCO CA)
ROOTOM:OK EVERYBODY LET THE TOURNAMENT BEGIN
BACKGROUND:BOWLING IS MOSTLY FOR FUN BUT NOT ALL OF US ARE CONSIDERED WINNERS ESPECIALLY BEING COACHED BY THIS GUY*WHISTLE BLOWS*ROOTOM HAS RUN HIS OWN BOWLING ALLEY FOR YRS & HE LOVED WATCHING THE CONTENSTANTS PLAYING WITH EACH OTHER OR EVEN ALONE SO HIS MAIN ROLE IS TO NOT ONLY BE THE BOSS BUT ALSO COACH & KEEP SCORE*THE 1 HE'S MOST IMPRESSES WITH IS LEWTOM HE'S BEEN A WINNER EVER SINCE HE'S GOT HIS 1ST BOWLING SET WHICH IS FOR ALL AGES;HE'S WON SO MANY TROPHIES
ROOTOM:OH LEWTOM I DON'T KNOW HOW YA DO IT BUT I HAVE TO SAY YOU'RE 1 HELL OF A STAR
LEWTOM:OH THANKS MY DEAR COACH SEE YOU AT NEXT TOURNAMENT OK?
ROOTOM:ARE YA GONNA COME SOLO
LEWTOM:WELL ACTUALLY I WAS THINKING ABOUT BRINGING MY DIM WITTED BROTHER
ROOTOM:YEA I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR BROTHER PATTOIMTOM I EVEN SEEN HIM BEFORE
LEWTOM:EVEN WHEN HE'S SHOWN THE RIGHT WAY HE STILL SCREWS UP HE'S TRASH TRY TO KEEP YOUR PATIENCE CONTROLLED OF HIM THO
ROOTOM:ALRIGHT I'LL TRY
BACKGROUND VOICE:PATTOIMTOM WAS NEVER AWARE OF THE FACT THAT HIS MEDIOCRE GAME SKILLS WERE A HELL THE NEXT DAY HE WAS GONNA BLOW IT
ROOTOM:NOW IF YOU SCREW UP 1 TIME YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR ACTIONS
PATTOIMTOM:I CAN'T HELP IT
BACKGROUND VOICE:EVEN THO ROOTOM FORCED PAYMENTS TO MEDIOCRE ACTIONS HE WAS NOT 1 BIT OF A FRAUD
PATTOIMTOM:LET'S SEE FOLLOW THE ARROWS AS YOU BOWL THE PINS*HE THROWS THE BALL BUT ONLY KNOCKS DOWN 1 SKITTLE*OH NICE
ROOTOM:NOT TOO BAD BUT IT WAS STILL RUSTY;WATCH AS YOU AIM THE ARROWS YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THE MIDDLE AS YOU HOLD THE BALL & THEN LET GO*HE BOWLS FOLLOWING HIS OWN DEMONSTRATION & GETS A STRIKE*
BACKGROUND VOICE:ROOTOM MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN VERY FORCEFUL BUT HE NEVER HAD GOOD PATIENCE*MURTOM BOWLS ON THE 2ND THROW WITH EVERYONE ELSE BUT HE DOESN'T GET A PIN TOUCHED*
ROOTOM:I HOPE YOU DON'T GET A GUTTERBALL
LEWTOM:MAYBE YOU'D LEARN BETTER IF OUR PARENTS GOT YOU A BOWLING SET LIKE I DID
PATTOIMTOM:SCREW MY PARENTS I HAVE YOU
ROOTOM:OK 3RD ROUND OF THE GAME LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO HERE*WHISLTE BLOWS;PATTOIMTOM FOLLOWS WHAT THE COACH SAYS BUT AS HE THROWS HE GETS THE GUTTERBALL (PATTOIMTOM:OH BROTHER)*I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW BAD YOU ARE
PATTOIMTOM:IT WAS AN ACCIDENT
ROOTOM:IT DOESN'T MATTER YOU'RE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO GETTING OUT LAST PLACE;PLEASE DO BETTER ON THE 4TH
PATTOIMTOM:HEY SIR ARE YOU PLANNING TO DISPLAY YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN BOWLING ALLEY WHEN YOU DIE
ROOTOM:YEA I DON'T WANNA BE IN THE SKY WITH THAT FRAUDDY GOD;NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I'LL BE HAVING MY LUNCH BREAK AT THE FOOD BAR
NEVAEH (GUEST INTERVIEWEE):GOD ACTUALLY IS A FRAUD & A TERRORIST NOT TO MENTION THAT HE'S CREATING CRITTERS TO HAVE MEDICAL PROBLEMS & FOOD ALLERGIES
ROOTOM:OK WHO'S READY TO KICK ASS AGAINST EACH OTHER
PATTOIMTOM:BROTHER IS I LOSE PLEASE PRACTICE ON THE WII WITH ME CAUSE I'M ALSO BAD ON MY OWN
LEWTOM:OK;WE CAN PLAY ON MINE
ROOTOM:GET READY*WHISTLE BLOWS;PATTOIMTOM FOLLOWS THE DEMONSTRATION FROM ROOTOM BUT THIS TIME HIS BALL STOPS*OK STOP...STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING;HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I HELPED YOU TO DO THE BALL;I HAVE THESE SHOES ON SO I CAN WALK ON THESE LANES WHEN I WANT
BACKGROUND VOICE:THE RETRIEVAL IS GOING SUCCESSFUL UNTIL SOME JERK MAKES HIM GO TO FAR*THE GUY PUSHES ROOTOM WHICH MAKES HIM SLIP INTO THE PIN HOLE & HE DIES AS HE GOES INTO THE BALL RETURN SLOT*EVER HEARD OF HUMAN PINS?
STEVEN KIM:THE PUSHING WAS A BAD INJURY AS HE FELL IN THE BLACK PART BUT WHAT REALLY KILLED HIM WAS THAT THE BALL RETURN SLOT HAS GADGETS THAT TORE HIS BODY TO SHREDS*AFTER THE CGI ROOTOM'S ARMS LEGS & BLOOD WERE ON THE BALL RETURN AS EVERYONE WATCHES IN SHOCK*
BACKGROUND VOICE:ROOTOM WAS ALWAYS PISSED BY THE SKILLS OF A WINNERS SIBLING BUT ONCE HE GOT OVER THE LANE HE'D BECOME A BLEEDING BOWLING BALL
(WAY TO DIE #450 BOWLED OVER)
| Crestview's corpse movie transcript |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Crib Your Enthusiasm
"Crib Your Enthusiasm", Way to Die #239, is the fourth death to be featured in "Fatal Distractions", which aired on October 5, 2010.
Plot.
Is there anything sweeter than welcoming a new life into this world? No, there isn't. And you won't find it on this show. The episode begins where Barnaby is decorating a room getting ready for his first born when really... the baby is Barnaby. He and his wife Candela have done a baby adult role playing for their fetish. One day, Barnaby throws a tantrum after she needs a break, throws his teddy bear out of his crib, and tries to get it back; but instead, because of him shaking the crib too much, the drop side part of the crib fell down onto his neck severing his cervical vertebrae which caused him to lose the ability to control his diaphragm and stops breathing (a real reason why the government outlawed drop side cribs) and no one was there to witness Barnaby's death.
"Barnaby's about to demonstrate why the government recently outlawed drop gate cribs"
"Uh oh, the little guy's got an owie. Does baby need a band-aid for his broken neck boo-boo?"
Transcript.
Narrator: Uh oh, the little guy's got an owie. Does baby need a band-aid for his broken neck boo-boo?
Narrator: Barnaby got his kicks by being treated like a baby; but then his fun was cut short by S.I.D.S.: Sudden Infantile Dumb-Ass Syndrome. Nighty night, you twisted little freak.
| Crib Your Enthusiasm |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Critter In The S****er
| Critter In The S****er |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Critter in the S****er
"Critter in the Shitter", Way to Die #780, is the first death featured in "Enter the Ferret", which aired on March 12, 2012.
Plot.
A Scottish man named Reggie enters a "ferret legging" contest at a ferret festival (Ferret Legging involves having live ferrets inserted into one's pants, which are then sealed and whoever endures it the longest wins). Reggie is immediately the last man standing when the other two contestants run off the stage shortly after having the ferrets inserted into their pants. Reggie attempts to break the world record time, but cheats in the process by learning that starved ferrets become docile to preserve energy. Hours later, there was less audience in the crowd, just one drunk man. A swollen hemorrhoid bursts in his rectum shortly before he is about to break the record, waking up one of the ferrets, who then crawls inside of his rectum, and begins to feed on the hemorrhoid, killing Reggie from excessive bleeding.
Transcript.
Narrator: Every year a contest occurs that defies description.
Man #1: This is not to be seen, so...
Narrator: The player must endure extreme pain.
Man #2: They are true athletes!
Narrator: Overcome their deepest fears.
Woman: Like man vs. man-man vs. nature.
Man #3: When these guys undo their pants, that's when the game is on.
Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the annual...
Host: Freaky Ferret Festival!
Crowds: (Cheer)
Host: Alright!
Narrator: The main event at this... furry freak show, simply called ferret legging, a sport created in Scotland and that's now found its way over to America.
Glen McDougal: Ferret legging is you put a ferret in your pants. Your pants are sealed so that can't get out. The longer you have the ferret in your pants, you win. When people ask me what it feels like, there's a scale from warm and fuzzy... to please bludgeon me in the head.
Host: Here they are! Your 3 contestants!
Woman: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Reggie: Down you go, lady.
Host: Cheer him on! Number 2, alright!
Black Woman: Stomy, ferret go ferret!
Host: Number 3! Down the hole!
Narrator: As soon as the first starts flying,
Reggie: (Chuckles)
Woman: COME OOOOON!!!
Narrator: 2 of the... athletes... drop out.
Narrator: It's down to Reggie, and he's looking to break the world record, .
Reggie: Nononononono... Oohoho...
Narrator: He wants it so bad, he's cheating.
Reggie: Go to sleep... Go to sleeep...!
Narrator: He learned that if you startle ferrets, they become docile to preserve energy.
Reggie: Nope...!
Narrator: Hours go by... the audience has wasted away.
Narrator: Just as Reggie is about to break the record,
Reggie: (Freaks of pain)
Narrator: he feels a nasty lip where the sun don't shine.
Reggie: (Screams)
Narrator: Reggie had a swollen internal hemorrhoid, that burst like an overripe grip.
Reggie: (Screams)
Narrator: And there's nothing like a little blood to wake up a starving ferret.
Reggie: (Screams)
Narrator: Dinner is served.
Reggie: (SCREAMS)
Dr. Jeffrey Lake: Once the ferret bird into his rectum and clawed and nod at his hemorrhoidal tissues, and causes tremendous amounts of bleeding from... these hemorrhoidal blood vessels.
-Dr. Jeffrey Lake: Bleeding caused from this injury from the ferret that led to his ultimate death.<br>
-Reggie: (SCREAMS)
Reggie: Nononono... Oohoho...
Narrator: Reggie went looking for a record.
-Reggie: (Screams)<br>
-Narrator: The ferrets went looking for blood.
Narrator: Final score: Ferrets one, Reggie done.
| Critter in the S****er |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cross Bown'd
"Cross Bown'd", Way to Die #144, is the third death to be featured in, "Think Globally, Die Locally", which aired on March 19, 2012.
Plot.
Mr. Logan Granfield had recently won $78,000,000 in a Mega Lottery and started by buying an extremely large mansion, a butler, and a $1,000 dollar a day hooker. He developed a delusional paranoia after winning it.
He was afraid the whole world wanted to steal his money. He then found his expensive artwork to be a thief as well. He shot an arrow at it with his expensive scope crossbow. As he attempted to pull it out, he received a fatal electric shock throughout his body, and he died. How? When he shot his titanium arrow at the painting. It had made contact with the 220-volt power-line inside the wall. As he received the electrocution, it made its way to his heart and sent him into cardiac arrest.
Transcript.
Theodore: I fear the master has expired.
Hooker: Am I still going to get paid?
| Cross Bown'd |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Crowd-Out Crisis
| Crowd-Out Crisis |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cruci-Fried
"Cruci-Fried", Way to Die #704, is the third death featured in "Young, Dumb, and Full of Death", which aired on November 9, 2010.
Plot.
A phony miracle healing minister named Perry removes the ground from a three-pronged electrical plug to a microphone amp in hopes of getting rid of an annoying hum emitting from the machine. During the service, he steps into a baptismal pool while holding the microphone and is inadvertently electrocuted.
| Cruci-Fried |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Crying Over Spilled Blood
Crying Over Spilled Blood.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 72.
Originally aired July 15, 2012.
Title reference: A play-on of the phrase "Crying Over Spilled Milk".
-- This is the Original Episode --
Ten-Ass Anyone?.
Way to Die #425
On May 16, 2003, in San Diego, CA. Two inept tennis players who idolize 1970s stars John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg hire their own personal referee. When the ref awards the game point, the loser of the point snaps his racket in half and climbs on the referee chair as the ref jumps out of it. The chair tips and the shaft of the racket impales the player's colon.
Alt names - US Wide Open
Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Treacherous Tennis"
Sky Scraped.
Way to Die #596
On October 20, 2009, in Chicago, IL. An unforgiving, cruel loan officer enjoys foreclosing on customers in her office on the top of a high-rise building. When she looks out the large window, a freak gust of wind causes it to shatter and impale her with hundreds of shards of glass.
Alt names - Wind-Owned
Note: This segment is otherwise known as "High-Rising Sky"
Rife-Ill.
Way to Die #153
On April 19, 2010, in Khost Province, Afghanistan. A hitman sent to kill a Taliban leader is now the target of a Taliban assassin after the plot was discovered. Armed with a McMillan TAC-50 rifle, the assassin fires, misses, and dies when the bullet ricochets back to hit him.
Alt names - Sniped
Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Tali-Banned"
Chili Today... Dead Tomorrow.
Way to Die #233
On October 4, 2007, in Pyramid Lake Reservation, NV. At a Native American gift shop, an idiotic tourist helps himself to a basket of hot peppers, not realizing that they are intensely hot ghost chili peppers. He fumbles in the refrigerator for a drink, but gulps down a jar of snake venom (that the shopkeeper had saved for a university professor) by mistake. The venom enters his bloodstream through sores in his mouth, caused by eating the peppers, poisoning and eventually killing him.
Alt names - Snake-Chug
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Info-Pain-Ment.
Way to Die #185
On June 6, 2006, in Riverside, CA. A fitness instructor has built a home gym set out of bamboo and is filming a commercial for it. He storms off after the barbell breaks during filming, and the cameramen mock him while playing with the exercise bench. The tension causes one piece to snap, launching a bamboo shard that impales the instructor through the ear and brain.
Alt names - Boo-Flex
Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Fitness Frenzy"
Mexi-Can't.
Way to Die #477
On August 15, 2005, in El Cabong, Mexico. A man tries to break his friend (who was arrested for hitting on the mayor's 13-year-old daughter) out of jail in a small Mexican town by using his car to rip the window bars out. He hooks a steel cable from his bumper to the bars and drives forward, but the cable snaps and decapitates him.
Alt names - Jailbroke
Caved In.
Way to Die #80
In the year 1,500,000 BC, in Encino, CA. After a long day of hunting, a caveman comes home and tries to get his unappreciative mate to have sex with him. She declines and leaves him, and he angrily throws stones on the ground, igniting a fire. When he tries to cook some meat, the small cave quickly fills with smoke and he dies of carbon monoxide/dioxide poisoning.
Alt names - Neander-Fall
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Crying Over Spilled Blood |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cult Evaded
"Cult Evaded", Way to Die #310, is the fourth death to be featured in "Gratefully Dead", which aired on January 13, 2010.
Plot.
Teenager Stacy lived in foster homes for most of her life, until she is taken in by Roman and Minnie, an excessively devout and extremist Christian couple. Unfortunately, they are quickly convinced that she is possessed by the Devil due to her tattoos, piercings, dark make-up, and interest in the Goth subculture (including having a Goth boyfriend).
Roman and Minnie decide to "cleanse" Stacy via exorcism. They invite two friends from their church to participate in the ritual and tie her to the ground inside an enclosed tent. For the ritual, they burn large amounts of coal and incense in order to rid the alleged demons. Stacy keeps her cool, and states that she wants to go to the mall. The fanatics state that:
"THE MALL IS THE DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND!!!"
In a twist of faith, however, the exorcism goes horribly wrong, as the coal and incense create more smoke inside the tent. The combination of carbon monoxide from the coal and Benzopyrene from the incense causes everyone to suffocate and die. Stacy, however, survives, as she had a layer of fresh air above her due to being extremely low to the ground. She unties herself and joyfully heads off to the mall, relieved and happy over their deaths as Roman, Minnie and their two dead friends go to Hell for their sins.
"The cultists burnt a lot of coal and incense inside a tent with no ventilation. Bad idea."
Transcript.
All 4 of the Religious freaks: Satan be gone!
| Cult Evaded |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cure for the Common Death, Part I
Cure for the Common Death, Part I.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 10.
Originally aired March 22, 2009.
Title reference: Play-on words to the saying "Cure for the Common Cold".
-- This is the Original Episode --
Red, White and Blew.
Way to Die #77
On July 4, 1983, at Happy's Trailer Park, in Lawrence, KS. A group of rednecks attempt to celebrate the Fourth of July by launching a homemade firework from a homemade launcher. When it fails to work, one of them looks down the barrel of the launcher, and the firework explodes in his face, shattering his skull into his brain.
Note: This clip features a Wilhelm scream
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Bank Ruptured.
Way to Die #756
On December 21, 1978, at Chateau Cousteau, in Bordeaux, France. A man with the eating disorderpica manages to fill his stomach with metal objects, which eventually cut the surrounding veins and arteries, filling his stomach with blood. His stomach soon bursts and spills blood into his abdomen.
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Guitar Zeros.
Way to Die #66
On July 23, 2005, in Beijing, China. Two Chinese heavy metal music lovers spend their nights doing air guitar and listening to loud music while jumping back and forth on their beds. On this particular occasion, one of the men slips off the bed next to the window and falls 6 stories to his death. His friend follows suit and jumps out after him, killing him as well and the two corpses are shown as pools of blood surround their dead bodies on the floor.
Radium Girls.
Way to Die #196
On January 5, 1920, at U.S. Radium Corp., in Orange, NJ. In the 1920s, a group of women who work at a factory that uses paint containing radium to create fluorescent watch faces notice that the paint also glows when applied to their skin. They eventually expose themselves to huge amounts of radiation after repeated applications (mostly using the radioactive paint as glow-in-the-dark body paint for their lovers during sex). While most of them died from bone cancer, the survivors filed one of the first successful workers' rights lawsuits against the company and won, leading to increased safety standards in American workplaces.
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Oz Holed.
Way to Die #638
On August 19, 2001, at Bonelli Park, in San Dimas, CA. Two teenagers obsessed with rock legend Ozzy Osbourne snort fire ants in celebration of Ozzfest, believing an urban legend that Osbourne had supposedly done the same with fellow rocker Nikki Sixx. The ants immediately latch onto their nasal passages and trachea and proceed to bite and sting them repeatedly, causing swelling and eventual suffocation.
Alt names - Oz Gone Wild
Note: This features the first, and so far only, time one of the interviewees actually makes an appearance in the segment itself, with animal trainer Jules Sylvester coming out and chastising the two dead teenagers about what led to their death.
Tanked Girl.
Way to Die #710
On December 21, 1978, at the Decompression Chamber, in St. Augustine, FL. A female scuba diver waits in a decompression chamber after making an emergency swim back to the surface. A maintenance worker, not knowing the diver is in the room, releases the pressure of the room, causing her body to instantly explode into a shower of gore as a result from the high pressure.
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Law and OrDead.
Way to Die #909
On April 5, 1999,
Escape Death Segment 10.
See the chart about Escaped Deaths.
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Cure for the Common Death, Part I |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Cure for the Common Death, Part II
Cure for the Common Death, Part II.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 35.
Originally aired December 15, 2010.
Title reference: A first sequel to Cure for the Common Death.
-- This is the Original Episode --
Hydrau-licked.
Way to Die #414
On May 2, 2009, in El Paso, TX. An overly-protective low-rider competes against someone who he caught eyeing his girlfriend and wins the competition. But as he's celebrating, a loose spring from his car hits him in the chest and knocks him to the ground where his opponents still-bumping car crushes his skull and chest.
Alt names - Hubcapped
Nun F***ed.
Way to Die #188
On April 12, 2008, in Natick, MA. An inept martial arts rookie prepares to make a viral video showing off his karate skills in hopes of winning himself a girlfriend. He begins by trying to break boards, bricks and cinder blocks with his head, then starts to twirl nunchucks and accidentally hits himself in the head. The breaking attempts had weakened his skull, and the nunchuck hit fractures it, inflicting fatal brain damage.
Alt names - Bum Chucks
Myth Busted.
Way to Die #158
On May 3, 2006, in Pierce County, WA. An angry, friendless redneck, living out in the countryside, is constantly annoyed by the people who use a jogging trail on state park land near his property. To scare them off, the man dresses like Bigfoot and harasses them as they pass. One jogger notifies a park ranger, who believes in Bigfoot and shoots the "creature" with a tranquilizer dart meant to be used on large animals. The man soon dies from low blood pressure, as a reaction to etorphine in the tranquilizer.
Alt names - Tranq-Spanked
Radioactivate-dead.
Way to Die #304
On March 24, 1993. in Los Angeles, CA. A former Russian spy is tracked by his former employers as he sells foreign documents to the U.S. government. Knowing one of the spy's daily routines is to buy coffee from the same stand, the vendor, himself a spy, routinely spikes it with polonium-210, instead of firing at the former Russian spy. Roughly a month later, the former spy dies of multiple organ failure due to acute radiation poisoning.
Alt names - Red Scare
Jelly Belly-ed.
Way to Die #389
On January 18, 2004, in Cairns, Australia. A group of American students take a tour of Australia (and a vacation) with their school friends. One of them is an immature, attention-starved young woman whose bad behavior stems from being ostracized earlier in life. After angering the rest of the students with a false shark scare, she goes for a swim, accidentally swallows an Irukandji jellyfish, stinging her trachea and swelling it shut, though no one notices or cares as they think she's faking it.
Alt names - Swallow Wallows
Die-arrhea.
Way to Die #276
On February 21, 2004, in Louisville, KY. An obnoxious, renowned jockey evicted from his hotel becomes desperate to win a horse race so he can retire for good, so he becomes anorexic and starts abusing illegal Chinese laxatives to lose enough weight to race. He surprisingly wins, but dies from massive dehydration, potassium deficiency, and renal failure from the laxatives he took and no fluids to replenish his electrolytes.
Alt names - Die-Fecta
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Balloon-a-tic.
Way to Die #122
On July 25, 2009, in Las Vegas, NV. A girl and her friends have a bachelorette party and hire a male stripper who dresses up like a birthday party clown and performs X-rated (NC-17-rated) tricks. During his final act, he performs fellatio on a balloon. When he gets the balloon deep enough, he pops it with his stomach acid, blocking his air passage and choking him to death.
Alt names - Clown-i-lingus
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Cure for the Common Death, Part II |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Curl Up And Die
"Curl Up And Die", Way to Die #786, is the first death to be featured in "Grave Errors", which aired on March 2, 2011.
Plot.
Barry was a hairstylist. Barry liked seducing women with Quaalude. After giving rounds of Quaaludes to two female clienteles and a third one escapes when he burns her hair. Barry, high and intoxicated on Vodka and Quaaludes, collapses, pressing his own neck on the hot curling iron, causing third-grade burns and throat damage, causing him to suffocate to death. The next day, Barry's third customer/mistress finds him dead and bellows in horror.
"The next day, Client #3 came back to give him another shot, but Barry was too burnt out...literally. He didn't OD, he just passed out with his neck nuzzled right up to his burning hot curling iron."
Transcript.
Narrator: It's 1972 and life is gooood for Barry. He was a swinging hairstylist with a loyal clientele.
Female Clientele #1: It is amazing as ever!
Narrator: The reason he has so many return customers:
Female Clientele #1: Oh, you have magic hands, Barry.
-Narrator: With the happy ending Barry provided to every appointment.<br>
-Female Clientele #1: (Laughs)
Female Clientele #1: Are you sure you don't wanna give me a private trim? What are you charging?
Narrator: All day long, Barry will do their duse...
Barry: You know what? Head it to the barn.
Narrator: Then do its client.
-Female Clientele #1: (Moans)<br>
-Barry: Should been a doctor.
Female Clientele #1: (Moans) Yes...
Narrator: Barry's idea foreplay: vodka and Quaalude. A muscle relaxing that was legal until the early 80s...
Devin Zephyr: Ludes (Quaalude) would call lexpredis. Because girls who used to say like this..., and then girls used to say like this, you give 'em a Lude and they sayin' like that. And not only did handsome men's... you know, the sexuality, but... the key thing was... it extended a woman's orgasm as well...! I mean, it was women's situation for everybody.
Barry: Alright. Yeah... Oooh...!!
-Female Clientele #3: Oh my god!<br>
-Barry: Oh god, oh god...
Narrator: At the end of the day, Barry tried to get Lude one more time.
Barry: I say we have a little concertation...
Female Clientele #3: You know what?
Barry: Come on, baby...
Female Clientele #3: I think I'm gonna go home.
Narrator: But he was over-Luded.
Female Clientele #3: Can you give me a take a little now?
Narrator: (Laughs intoxicatedly)
Barry: (Mumbles) I see you in the evening... (Laughs intoxicatedly)
Devin Zephyr: But one thing that you do not wanna do with Lude, is to drink alcohol access, 'cause if you do, it'll very very good chance... you may "never" wake up.
Narrator: The next day,
Female Clientele #3: Barry?
Narrator: Client #3 came back to give him another shot,
Narrator: but Barry was too burnt out...
Female Clientele #3: (Screams of horror)
Narrator: literally.
Narrator: He didn't OD, he just passed out...
-Female Clientele #3: Oh my god!! BARRY!!??<br>
-Narrator: with his neck nuzzled right up to his burning hot curling iron.
Female Clientele #3: BARRY??!!??
Dr. Boyd Flinders: A hairdresser who was er... loaded up on Quaalude, drive that... affects your central nervous system, was in the stead of anesthesia,
Dr. Boyd Flinders: he passed out, fell on a hot curling iron, fried his neck, to the point there were some destruction of the tissue, that air cannot get into his lungs, and he suffocated, he died.
Female Clientele #1: Barry...!
Narrator: Barry would curl his ladies' hair and bend their toes.
Female Clientele #1: (Moans)
Narrator: But in the end, his booze and lose love potion left him too hot...under the collar.
Female Clientele #3: (Screams of horror)
| Curl Up And Die |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Custom Deathcards
| Custom Deathcards |
fandom.1000waystodie | # D-Parted
D-Parted (a.k.a. "Blade Sunner"), Way to Die #557, is the fifth death featured in "Dead Wrongs" which aired on September 28, 2010.
Plot.
Jolene, who was divorced, attempts to seduce a construction crew, while the foreman unsuccessfully tries to get his colleagues back to work. While Jolene removes her tank top and asks the workers to put suntan lotion on her, the guy using the concrete saw gets distracted and loses control, launching the blade, right into Jolene's yummy tummy, splitting Jolene in half, and she dies, much to the horror of the construction crew.
"Cause of death? Everything."
Transcript.
Narrator: Cause of death? Everything.
Narrator: Jolene thought she could lure a hunk in her bunk. But in the end, she just couldn't...keep it...together.
Goof.
The second coming up says that Jolene is a housewife, even though she is divorced.
| D-Parted |
fandom.1000waystodie | # D. U. Die
"D. U. Die", Way to Die #528, is the first death featured in "Bringing in the Dead", which aired on January 6, 2010.
Plot.
Amos and Larry were a couple of mental anorexics driving a station wagon, drunk, and not even wearing seat belts. While driving 60 MPH(96 km/h) after drinking two six packs of alcoholic beverages, Larry felt carsick, and leaned out his driver's-side window to vomit, not knowing that he was causing the car to swerve toward a street's edge, where his head was in the way of a mailbox. He gets decapitated after his head hits the mailbox, causing immediate brain death as his severed head gets dropped onto the sidewalk. Amos, at first not knowing that his friend has died, pulls his friend back into the seat of the vehicle, only to receive a horrifying surprise upon laying eyes on Larry's headless corpse.
"Larry was on a losing streak. First his lunch, then..."
Transcript.
Idiot Alert!!! Drinking and Driving is very illegal and very stupid!
Narrator: Larry was on a losing streak. First his lunch, then...
Amos: (Laughs) You alright, man?
Amos: (SCREAMS OF HORROR) Oh my god!!!
Narrator: Drinking and driving don't mix. That's a heads up for all of you.
| D. U. Die |
fandom.1000waystodie | # DEADLY GAMES
(LOGO SPLATS)
BACKGROUND VOICE:SO WANNA PLAY A NEW GAME;LET ME GIVE YOU A HINT OF THE NAME WITH ITS FOLLOWING CONTESTANTS;WE HAVE THE DAIRY LOVER WHO BIT INTO YOLKY KILLER OR THE AFRICAN WHO SHARED DISTURBING CONTENT THERE'S THE GUY WHO NEVER REMEMBERS A THING FROM HIS CURRENT FATE HOW BOUT THE SPY WHO WAS WRONGLY GASED;WE ALSO ENTERED THE JUICER WHO HAD TOO MUCH ORANGE & FINALLY THE CANCER PHOBE WHO MADE THE WORST EXCEPTION TO HIS LIFE;WE ACTUALLY WANNA SAY THERE'S NO NAME FOR THIS GAME AFTER ALL IT'S THE NEXT EPISODE OF 1000 WAYS TO DIE*THE GUARD CLOSES THE CHAMBER DOORS AS THE SHADOW FALLS & THE HEART SHOWS THE LOGO*
BACKGROUND VOICE (MEGAPHONE):WARNING THE STORIES PORTRAYED IN THIS SHOW ARE BASED ON REAL DEATHS & ARE EXTREMELY GRAPHIC NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE IDENTITIES WITH NO ACTORS OF THE DECEASED SOME OF THE DEAD WERE UNLUCKY MANY WERE BORED MOST WERE INCREDIBLY STUPID DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRY ANY OF THE ACTIONS DEPICTED YOU WILL DIE
BACKGROUND VOICE:DEATH...IS EVERYWHERE MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT OTHERS CAN'T GET OUT OF ITS WAY EVERY DAY WE FIGHT A NEW WAR AGAINST GERMS TOXINS INJURY ILLNESS & OTHER CATASTROPHE THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS TO END UP DEAD THE FACT THAT WE SURVIVE IT ALL IS AMIRACLE CAUSE EVERYDAY WE LIVE WE FACE...1000 WAYS TO DIE
background voice:Transylvania is the only country who specializes in the spooky all the harmony is where the grave is but this 1 particular resident known as vladtom is more than that
Vladtom jack bloodrisk:hey dude want some carrot juice
Millie peggy otzi:I'm good
Background voice:vladtom loved nothing more than the sweet taste of carrot juice he goes to every stand to buy it but he even makes his own when they're shut down
Boyd Flinders:you should be highly careful with the amount of carrot juice you drink especially the fact that it's very soily
Background voice:unfortunately this day was not just carrot juice it was also poison juice while vlad goes out to see if any stands are open some dick puts rat poison & arsenic on his carrot patch
Floydtom lester minnayo:that barnacle thinks he can think more than spook
ky than he's gonna get it
Steven burstein:large amount of carrot juice doesn't always kill you but yoy should put aware in your own veggies
Background voice:his blender mixed the poison in with the carrots & when he drank it His death clock started ticking;the poisons entered his bloodstream even when he drank the water in the fridge it didn't help as much a few days he experienced pain thru everywhere
Vlad:oh dear what is wrong with me I hope nobody deluted my carrots*dies while he collapsed on his own couch*
Background voice:vladtom was all in the juice & was more than terror & horrer wellnow he's now in the same deas rat collection to floydtom poison is bad in the orange for all rats;asa De Lung Morcov
(Way to die #25 killdo)
(Date:january 7th south park colorado)
Scotttom hanna mari:Nice party
Background voice:a hot dog party is hosted by our famous hot dog master kristom which everyone calls scotttom as things go harmony but as he spots the cancer cautious arntom things will go hell
Scotttom:hey sir wanna join my hot dog party
Arntom joe amyp:that's nice of you but I can't I have a fear of cancer Do you have anything else
Scotttom:well i have fish burgers do you want 1
Arntom:oh yea i love fish also gish is a cancer fighting food so i think i do want a hot dog to go with it & maybe some tomatoes on The side They're also cancer fighting
Scotttom:ok
Leslie Kobayashi:even when cancer causing meats have nitrate removed it still gives you cancer so make sure you have fish & tomatoes at reach
background voice:after his meal he feels fine until soon
arntom:you outdid yourself on that fish burger
scotttom:how ya feeling?
arntom:i feel alright but i'm kinda low energized i think i'll rest a bit
kenna izzy jane:hey ya want my wine*he drinks it but it doesn't make him any better*
arntom:i feel wasted to the pt of sickness now i'm not ok
scotttom:ok but if you need anything else tell me
arntom:i might be good for the day*he drops dead*
scotttom:dude wake up somebody get someone
background voice:turns out when scotttom left his fish burgers to sit a while his neighbor sethtom took the fish out & replaced it with chicken to make matters worse his tomatoes were mixed with avian flu symptoms kenna's wine made the alchhol finish the inside death euation
lydia lam:when he drank the alchohol the food he ate went thru the bloodstream as his cells were acting up & there was toxins developing & that's how he got cancer to his death
background voice:arntom was the cautious guest of the cookout but when he had an inside food fight above cancer he was a cancer himself
(way to die #53 weenie roast)
(date:august 1st las vegas nevada)
background voice:i'm sure you remember how we learned about spies WELL I WANNA TELL YOU NOW THAT ALL SPIES ARE INNOCENT ESPECIALLY ANATOLI & MAX NOW WE HAVE OUR NEW ANGEL OF INNOCENCE...TO ACCUSED INNOCENCE
OFFICER MATTTOM KENWARD RAVEN:HEY YOU
RANTOM ISABELLA LAMM:WHAT I DIDN'T COMMIT A CRIME
MATTTOM:TELL YOUR LIES TO THE JUDGE LOSER
BACKGROUND VOICE:RANTOM WORKED AS A SPY FOR YRS & NEVER USED TO BE ACCUSED UNTIL NOW;HE WAS SENTENCED TO THE GAS CHAMBER IN ARIZONA BUT HAD SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR
SHELBY BURI:IT'S HARD TO TELL THE TRUTH WHEN IT COMES TO CRIMES BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IS THAT IF SOMEONE SAYS THEY DIDN'T DO THAT CRIME THEN WE SHOULD BELIEVE THEM
BACKGROUND VOICE:IT'S GONNA GET POISON IN THE COURT 1ST HAND
RANTOM:SIR I REALLY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING;I'M A SPY BUT I NEVER COMMIT THE ESPIONAGE CRIME
JUDGE ROBERT MAURICE BRUTINEL:I BELIEVE YOU DO Y'ALL PLEAD HER INNOCENT
COURT MEMBERS:AFFIRMATIVE
MATTTOM:WELL I'M STILL PUTTING HIM TO DEATH SO GOODBYE LOSER
BACKGROUND VOICE:IT WAS TIME FOR THE EXECUTION & HIS GUARD FRIEND WAS THERE TO HELP WHILE THE GUARD'S OTHER MEMBERS DIDN'T JOIN WATCH THIS GO POISON
RANTOM:SIR PLEASE I HAVE LOTS TO LIVE FOR
MATTTOM:NO ONE CARES*SHUTS THE DOOR*PREPARE TO DIE LOSER*HE PULLS THE LEVER*
BACKGROUND:THE GAS CHAMBER IS CONSISTED OF CYANIDE GAS;THIS GAS IS SO LETHAL IT CAN KNOCK YOU DEAD AS YOU INHALE IT;RANTOM TRIED TO HOLD HIS BREATH BUT HIS STRUGGLE MADE IT TO DEATH RISK (LOWTOM PHINEAS HENNA (GUARD FRIEND OF MATTTOM:FEELING WEAK?)*HE'S NOW DEAD WHICH WE'LL SEE AFTER THE CGI*
VYSHALI RAO:WHEN SOMEBODY BREATHES THE CYANIDE GAS IT ENTERS THE LUNGS CAUSING AXPHYXIATION & THEY LOSE THEIR OXYGEN AS THEY DIE
BACKGROUND VOICE:THE NEXT FEW MINUTES AFTER THE GAS*THEY OPEN THE DOOR TO FIND A DEAD RANTOM*RANTOM HAS PUT HIS GAS MONEY INTO HIS LIFE
MATTTOM:WE ARE GOOD;I LOVE THIS JOB
BACKGROUND VOICE:RANTOM WAS NEVER A CRIME COMMITOR BUT WHEN HE PACKED A DEADLY CROSS WITH MATTTOM & LOWTOM HE PUMPED HIS GAS TANK & LOST HIS JOB
(WAY TO DIE #234 SPYANIDE)
BACKGROUND VOICE:COMING UP AMNESIA WILL MAKE YOU FORGET WHAT DEATH IS
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(DATE:MARCH 18TH LOCATION:NEW YORK CITY)
BACKGROUND VOICE:AMNESIA IS REALLY RARE NO MATTER WHO IS ABLE TO GET IT;PRITOM KNOWS THAT
PRITOM DARLENE CARLA:OH WHERE AM I? IS THIS CHICAGO
BACKGROUND VOICE:THIS KLUTZY LOSER GOT AMNESIA SO MANY TIMES THAT HE NEVER REMEMBERS
BOYD FLINDERS:AMNESIA CAN USUALLY GO ON FOR A LONG TIME YOU CAN GROW OUT OF IT OR GET IT FOR LIFE IT'S SIMILAR TO DEMENCHA BUT THAT YOU CAN ALSO GROW OUT OF
BACKGROUND VOICE:PRITOM MAY HAVE ALWAYS HAD MEMORY LOSS BUT HE HAD DETERMINATION
PRITOM:WOWTHIS LOOKS LIKE NEW YORK NEW YORK IF I COULD JUST QUIT GETTING AMNESIA I WOULD BE LESS OUT OF LUCK
OFFICER GEOTOM MILLICENT DICK:HEY PRITOM HAVE YOU GAINED YOUR MEMORY BACK
PRITOM:ALMOST;I'VE ALREADY REMEMBERED 1 THING BUT NOW I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER OTHER STUFF & I THINK I REMEMBER YOU UHH OFFICER DICK
GEOTOM:WOW YOU SEEM DETERMINED
PRITOM:YEA I'M TRYING NOT TO GET ANYMORE MEMORY LOSS I DON'T WANNA GET DEMENCHA EITHER;I'M GONNA GO IN MY HOUSE WHILE I THINK OF OTHER STUFF TO REMEMBER
BACKGROUND VOICE:THIS THINKER WASN'T GONNA LIVE FOR LONG HE SUFFERED THE MOST CRIPPLED OF ALL HEADACHES & HIS TRANCE MADE HIM COLLAPSE WITH MEMORY AS HE NOW REMEMBERS DEATH*HE'S DEAD BEFORE HE HIT THE BED*
DJ GREEN:LOTS OF US DON'T DIE FROM MEMORY LOSS WHETHER IT'S AMNESIA SHORT TERM OR EVEN DEMENCHA BUT IN THIS SITUATION PRITOM SUFFERED SO MUCH PRESSURE FROM HIS CONSTANT AMNESIA THAT HIS BRAIN STARTED BLEEDING DURING A HEADACHE & HIS BRAIN SHUT DOWN CAUSING DEATH
BACKGROUND VOICE:PRITOM'S HEAD WAS HIS LIVING ENEMY BUT WHEN HE PRESSURED HIS MEMORY HE HAD A BUSTING HEADACHE & REMEMBERED HOW TO DIE
(WAY TO DIE #29 DEATH OF MEMORY)
BACKGROUND VOICE:COMING UP A DAIRY ADDICT GOES OVER LIFE & A CONTENT MIGHT BLOW YOU MIND WITH EMBARRESMENT
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(DATE:MAY 7TH LOCATION:WEST VIRGINA)
BACKGROUND VOICE:If you love dairy you're not any yolkier than yazmin every day she eats dairy foods whether it's breakfast lunch dinner dessert or even an appetizer
Boyd Flinders:dairy isn't always good for you but on all occasions & every day it's always good for anybody
Background voice:Yazmin was always traumatized by mother lucyniqua about egg allergies but she actually NEVER reacts to eggs but on this day of her lunch break things were gonna get too much yolk ya see she wasn't allergic to dairy foods especially eggs but she had a rare genetic condition that left her unable to process cholesteral & eggs together even tho she NEVER even had a high cholesterol level when she bit into her Egg burger ya know what kicked in to her death risk*she starts feeling weird & has an anurism* (pavel bindra:i donnot like the look of this)*she has a deadly collapse on the grass*
Leslie kobayashi:when the egg was mixed with the meat her bloodstream acted to her risk of an anurism & she died & her brain & blood circulation shut down
Background voice:yazmin's mother made her dairy addiction a yolky nightmare with her bogus advice but now yazmin is a bad egg
(DATE:FEBRUARY 3RD ST.LOUIS MISSOURI)
NEVAEH:YO RON YOU REALLY GOTTA SEE THIS;THERE'S AN AFRICAN GUY I RECORDED FOR THEW NEXT EPISODE OF THE REBOOT
RON:ALRIGHT LET'S WATCH IT
JAWTOM HARRY EARL:HELLO EVRYBODY I'M JAWTOM & AS YOU KNOW POOP IS SOMETHING WE ALL COME ACROSS WELL NOT A LL OF US BUT ANYWAY IT'S SOMETHING I LIKE;WHY DO I LIKE IT YOU ASK? IT'S JUST SOMETHING I LOVE I HATE THE SMELL BUT I LOVE THE LOOK & THE TOUCH OF IT
RON:WELL WHAT DO YA KNOW A YOUTUBER WITH TMI CONTENT
MARC KERN:LOTS OF US LIKE CERTAIN THINGS THAT ARE GROSS BUT SOMETIMES WE GET SO CARRIED AWAY WE PUT IT OUT THERE FOR OTHERS TO SEE & IF YOU HAVE AN OPPOSITE OPINION DON'T SAY THAT TO THEM CAUSE THEN THEY'LL NEVER LIKE YOU
JAWTOM:1 OTHER THING YOU SHALL KNOW ABOUT ME IS THAT I DO LIKE TO TOUCH FECES A LOT BUT I'M RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS AROUND ME AS I WASH MY HANDS REAL GOOD & SHOWER FOR A LONG TIME BEFORE EVEN GOING NEAR OTHER PEOPLE
RON:WELL THAT'S A RELIEF
JAWTOM:PRETTY SOON I'M GONNA ENTER THE FECES OLYMPICS I'VE BEEN TRAINING EVERYDAY & THE WINNER GETS $999,999,999
RON:I BET YOU'LL WIN
JAWTOM:THE BEST PART ABOUT THIS IS I HAVE NO ALLERGY TO FECES BUT I DO HAVE A RARE GENETIC CONDITION THAT MAKES MY STOMACH UNABLE TO PROCESS FECES WITH ACIDS & GLUTENS & NOT ONLY THAT I HAVE AN ILLNESS TO WHERE I CAN'T BREATH PLUMBAGE IF I EAT ACID & GLUTEN I KEEP MY OLD PLUMBAGE TANKS WITH ME AT ALL TIMES*A LADY SHOWS UP*
LAKIRA GERTRUDE FERB:HEY ARE YOU FECESHAPPINESSTOHEART FROM YOUTUBE
JAWTOM:I SURE AM;ARE YOU A FAN
LAKIRA:HERE I MADE YOU A CAKE I HOPE YOU LOVE CHOCOLATE OH & I HAVE SOME TOMATOES WITH CEREAL ON THE SIDE HAVE A GOOD DAY*TURNS OUT THE CAKE SHE BAKED WAS ACTUALLY FECES MIXED WITH GLUTEN FILLED CAKE MIX THAT WAS WHITE INSTEAD OF BROWN SO AS HE BITES INTO IT & SWALLOWS IT HE STARTS FEELING ILL*
BACKGROUND VOICE:OH MY THE FECES ADDICT DOESN'T LOOK TO GOOD I THINK HE'S HAVING A BAD ACHE THRU HIS BODY*HE'S DEAD BEFORE HE HIT THE ROAD*WHAT COULD'VE LED TO HIS DEATH*
NEVAEH:I KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN TELL YOU WHAT KILLED HIM.,REZA?
REZA JAMEHDOR:WHEN HIS PLUMAGE TANKS WERE FILLED THE EXHAUST & SMELLS WENT THRU THE BLOODSTREAM FOR EVERY BREATH HE TOOK THE CELLS IN HIS BRAIN WERE FINE BUT THE FOODS HE ATE CAUSED HIS STOMACH TO BE IN PAIN & HE DIED AS HIS BLOOD PRESSURE SHUT DOWN
BACKGROUND VOICE:I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS AFTER ALL THESE YRS I'VE COME ACROSS RETARDS BUT NOW THIS WEIRDO ACTUALLY GOT THE HIGHEST RANK;WELL AT LEAST HE'S NOT STUPID THIS 1 IS GOING IN MY MEMORY JOURNAL
NEVAEH:WELL WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED;CONTENT WILL NEVER STOP SPREADING THE TMI*THE VIDEO ENDS AS NEVAEH SHUTS OFF THE CAMERA WHICH SHE RECORDED THE OTHER GUY WHO HAD HIS CAMERA*
(WAY TO DIE #69 BEING A SHITTY YOUTUBE)
| DEADLY GAMES |
fandom.1000waystodie | # DEADLY GAMES (DON'T DELETE THIS PAGE CAUSE IT'S NONFICTION)
(LOGO SPLATS)
BACKGROUND VOICE:LET'S PLAY A GAME;HERE'S THE FOLLOWING MEMBERS ON OUR DEATH TEAM;
| DEADLY GAMES (DON'T DELETE THIS PAGE CAUSE IT'S NONFICTION) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # DEADLY GAMES (THIS PAGE IS NOT TO BE DELETED ESPECIALLY SINCE THE REBOOT IS REAL & IT WILL BE MADE))
| DEADLY GAMES (THIS PAGE IS NOT TO BE DELETED ESPECIALLY SINCE THE REBOOT IS REAL & IT WILL BE MADE)) |
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