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fandom.1000waystodie | # Dive Bombed
"Dive Bombed", Way to Die #713, is the second death to be featured in "Hard Lives, Easy Deaths", which aired on May 21, 2008.
Plot.
Richard Paxon and his two pals had been exploring the reefs by Cabo San Lucas for the last three days. They decided to squeeze in one last dive before heading home. After an hour at 45 feet, the divers made their way back to the surface, making sure to come up slowly enough to safely release nitrogen gas stored up in their bloodstreams. After spending hours in the decompression chambers in , Richard was eager to get home. So they got in an aircraft. Unfortunately, he forgot one of the cardinal rules of diving: Never dive and fly the same day. As soon as the unpressurized plane climbed out and reached its cruising altitude of 12,000 feet, Richard and his friends began to feel the first symptoms of decompression sickness (commonly known as "the bends"). With Richard at the controls of the plane, but losing control of his mind and body, it was the all-time worst case scenario. The three men, incapacitated by the bends, could only watch in horror as their plane augured straight into a mountainside, and crashed, killing Richard and his pals.
Transcript.
Narrator: The passengers in this twin-engine sesna are about to die. Cause of death:
Narrator: not what you think. If we back up to the beginning of the story, it certainly not how these 3 friends thought their days of life will end.
Narrator: Richard Paxon and his two pals had been exploring the reefs by Cabo San Lucas for the last three days. They decided to squeeze in one last dive before heading home. After an hour at 45 feet, the divers made their way back to the surface, making sure to come up slowly enough to safely release nitrogen gas stored up in their bloodstreams.
Narrator: commonly referred to as the bends. Poses a serious threat to anyone who .
Narrator: Catalina Island houses the largest in Southern California. Hyperbaric comes from the word "Hyper", meaning above normal. And baric meaning of pressure. If a diver is suffering from the bends, he's brought here for treatment.
Karl Huggins: What decompression sickness is, it's normally called the bends, as you go down under water, breathing air out for , the air in the tank has about 80% nitrogen, and so the deeper we go, and the longer we stay under water, the more thus nitrogen gets dissolved in the body. As we come up, if...the gas isn't released... slow enough,
Karl Huggins: that gas can then come out the solution in the form of bubbles. What will happen is, you'll have bubbles that can form around the joints, and cause pain on the joint, you can have bubbles in pinging upon nerves, leading up sometime to full .
Narrator: Richard was eager to get back into his new toy. A present he gave himself for getting his sonification the flying a twin-engine aircraft. And his excitement, he forgot one of the cardinal rules of diving: Never dive and fly the same day.
Narrator: As soon as the unpressurized plane climbed out and reached its cruising altitude of 12,000 feet, Richard and his friends began to feel the first symptoms of DCS (Decompression sickness).
Karl Huggins: The higher the altitude, the higher the probability to developing decompression sickness, probably the worst scenario would be something called the hit. Where bubbles form a balance mechanism to ear, and you end up which is severe er... nausea severe, um... vertigo, or dizziness. It's "really" a bad idea to fly, falling to die, yeah.
Narrator: With Richard at the controls of the plane, but losing control of his mind and body,
Narrator: it was the all-time worst case scenario. The three men, incapacitated by the bends, could only watch in horror as their plane augured straight into a mountainside.
| Dive Bombed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dog Dead Afternoon
"Dog Dead Afternoon", Way to Die #174, is the fourth death to be featured in "That's "Mister Death" To You", which aired on July 11, 2011.
Plot.
Vic, an animal abuser, sneaks into an animal shelter to steal animals for his cruel pit bull fights. His intended target is a pit bull named Michael who he tranquilizes. When Vic goes into Michael's cage, a guard comes by and takes a nap. While Vic could leave Michael behind and take the chance to escape, Michael is too big of a catch to leave behind, so he decides to wait him out. Sometime later, the guard awakens and spots Vic, who then tranquilizes the guard, causing him to fall in front of the cage gate. As Vic struggles to move the unconscious guard out of the way, Michael wakes up and instinctively attacks him. He runs up to Vic and knocks him down, he then sinks his jaws into Vic's neck and began to crush his windpipe. He also lacerated his carotid artery and jugular vein. Unable to escape, Vic soon dies from the mauling because of massive exsanguination.
Transcript.
Narrator: Say hello to Vic. Another name for him: Scum of the Earth. Vic made a living, in the ugly world of illegal dog fighting. The cuddly was casing had a big payoff. A pit bull named Michael.
Michael: (BARKS)
Narrator: With a vice grip for a jaw, Michael was a death machine on 4 legs. All Vic had to do, was steal it.
Candy Clemente: The er... percentage of pitbulls that are incarcerated are a 45% of all dogs in shelters, pitbulls in the fighting ring are bred to be aggressive. They'll tie... chains around their neck with a weight onto it, they'll put them on a treadmill, and they'll even inject them with steroids.
-Narrator: Vic was no rocket scientist but he was smart enough not to get in the cage of the killer.<br>
-Michael: (BARKS)
Narrator: So he knocked Michael out cold with a tranquilizer gun.
Narrator: A quick pick of the lock and soon enough, Vic would be on his way.
Narrator: But a lazy security guard pulled up and proceeded to take a nap.
Narrator: Vic could have just snuck away but Michael was too big of a catch, and Vic had been planning this for weeks. He decided to wait until the guard left.
Narrator: An hour later the guard awoke and made his rounds. Vic shouldn't have left the gate open.
Guard: Hey!
-Narrator: A second tranquilizer dart took care of him.<br>
-Guard: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Don-
-Narrator: But the guard fell in front of the cage, shutting the gate.<br>
-Other dogs: (Bark)
Narrator: Before he could shove the unconscious guard back,
-Narrator: Michael came out of his dragon boost slumber.<br>
-Vic: (Moans)
Narrator: And woke up hungry.
Vic: (MOANS)
Other dogs: (BARK)
Dr. Boyd Flinders: A pit bull can bite with force that's a- significant magnitude. It can actually latch onto your neck...
Narrator: and crush your trachea, your windpipe. Causing you not to be able to take any air into your lungs, you'll bleed from the arteries, the blood will flow into the lungs as well, and you're gonna choke on your own blood as you bleed out to death.
-Michael: (BARKS)<br>
-Narrator: Michael was just a dog who just wanted some love and affection.
Narrator: Vic was an animal, who belonged to the cage.
-Michael: (BARKS)<br>
-Narrator: Michael and Vic:
-Narrator: one was Man's best friend...<br>
-Vic: No! (Moans)
Narrator: the other... the pits.
| Dog Dead Afternoon |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Doggie Style
"Doggie Style", Way to Die #85, is the fifth death featured in "I See Dead People (And They're Cracking Me Up)", which aired on April 5, 2009.
Plot.
Zack Taylor, an alcoholic, entered into a liquor store in order to get more alcohol to drink. While there, he opted to steal some items from the store shelves. When Zack was confronted by the shopkeeper, he fled the store, grabbing a hot dog on his way out. After putting it into his mouth, he continued running. The force caused the hot dog to slip into his trachea, causing him to choke to death, sending his soul straight to Hell and bringing his drunkenness to an end. The shopkeeper later calls 911. As he talked to a female police officer, the paramedics took Zack's body to an ambulance to transfer it to a morgue. That's why your mother told you NOT to eat and run.
Transcript.
Narrator: There's a reason why your mother told you to never eat and run. You might choke on your own wiener.
| Doggie Style |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Doggie Style (85)
| Doggie Style (85) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Doggie Styled
"Doggie Styled", Way to Die #428, is the seventh and final death to be featured in "Ready Or Not, Here Comes Death", which aired on February 23, 2011.
Plot.
Sparky is a hunting yellow Labrador retriever who loves to fetch hunted duck carcasses (or anything else for that matter), for his two drunk owners. One day, after they fail to flush out some more ducks from a bush clump, they decide to use a stick of dynamite. They throw the lit stick of dynamite into the clump before they have to close their eyes and cover their ears, but Sparky, who thinks it's just a regular stick, instinctively fetches it and brings it back, then runs off to catch a squirrel. One of the owners opens their eyes and uncovers their ears and says "NO, SPARKY!"... right before the dynamite explodes, killing both hunters. The explosion tears off one of the hunters' left arm. After fetching the arm back to the now-dead hunters, Sparky doesn't realize that they're already dead and is hungry.
"What kind of stick was that?"
Transcript.
Narrator: What kind of stick was that?
Narrator: These guys are always losing things. Here you go. I fetched your arm. Okay, gentlemen. Time to go. It's dinner time. I'm hungry. HELLO?!
| Doggie Styled |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Doggie Styled (428)
| Doggie Styled (428) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Domin-a-Dead
"Domin-a-Dead", Way to Die #319, is the sixth death featured in "Dead and Deader", which aired on February 15, 2009.
Plot.
Sam was a 32-year-old virgin with his testicles going code blue. To fix his situation, he goes to a red light district to get his rocks off. After passing by two rooms with promising women, a and a , his choice was made "for" him by the dominatrix behind door number three. He is put in a latex outfit and the dominatrix does her stuff. However, Sam was unaware of a severe allergy he had to latex and to make it worse, the dominatrix mistook his muffled noises for having fun, as he dies from anaphylactic shock.
"Sam loves it. He's itching with excitement. Actually, he's itching for another reason. Sam never knew, but he has a severe allergy to latex!"
"Unable to escape, the gimp goes limp and dies."
Transcript.
Narrator: Sam loves it. He's itching with excitement. Actually, he's itching for another reason. Sam never knew, but he has a severe allergy to latex!
Narrator: Unable to escape, the gimp goes limp and dies.
| Domin-a-Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dorothy Strut-ton
| Dorothy Strut-ton |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dorothy Stung
| Dorothy Stung |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Double-O-Severed
"Double-O-Severed", Way to Die #555, is the sixth death to be featured in "Getting A Rise From The Dead", which aired on February 16, 2011.
Plot.
A spy committing corporate espionage named Mark enlists his idiot nephew Tony as his second man after the other one bailed out at the last minute, to collect information from a big corporation. After they climb up to the roof, they encounter a slow moving but powerful duct fan that spun with a twenty quarter horsepower motor. After Tony fails to do so, Mark puts a pole in the fan to climb into the ducts to install a listening device(which looks like a Cockroach) into a circulating vent duct in a room where a meeting was happening. Beforehand, he told his dumbass nephew that when he tugs the rope three times, to pull him in. As Mark ventured into the ducts to install the device, Tony began to grow bored. His growing boredom was Mark's death clock. He began to mess around with night vision goggles and accidentally pushed the pole in, then the fan began to spin again, wheeling Mark in like a fish stuck on a fishing hook as the rope got caught in the blades. As the fan blades cut off Mark's legs, he screams at Tony in agony, and dies on the spot in less than a minute as Tony panics, covered in Mark's blood and screaming as well.
| Double-O-Severed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dough!!!
"Dough!!!", Way To Die #726, is the fourth death featured in "Wild Wild Death", which aired November 21, 2011.
Plot.
A lecherous bakery supervisor named Bob who sexually harasses one of his female employees named Cindy who challenges her to swallow a spoonful of ground cinnamon in order to get out of going on a date with him. She chokes on the powder and coughs it into his face since cinnamon absorbs all of the saliva on her tongue, causing difficulty in swallowing, and he falls over so that his tie gets caught in a running dough mixer, getting pulled in head first, and his skull bashed by the blades, causing Bob to die of skull fractures and head trauma.
Transcript.
Bob: Wider...
Narrator: Bob's trick backfired. He stumbled blindly and then got too close to the spinning blades of the dough machine.
Narrator: It was a double whammy. He would've choked to death, but the skull crushing blades got there first.
Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan:
Narrator: In the end, Cindy lucked out. She lost the cinnamon challenge,
Cindy: (SCREAMS OF HORROR)
Narrator: but avoiding going out with her pig boss Bob.
Narrator: He already had a date... with death.
| Dough!!! |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Down With The Clown
"Down With the Clown", Way to Die #260, is the seventh death featured in "Deadliest Kitsch", which aired on October 24, 2011.
Plot.
Stalks a horror-core hip-hop band called "Infernal Clown Posse" with threatening hate mail and plans to sabotage one of their concerts, believing that they give real clowns a bad name.
Eddie, who decided threatening hate mail wasn't enough, rushes to the front row, but is knocked unconscious when one of the group members hits him in the head with a bottle of Faygo. After regaining consciousness a short time later, Eddie becomes enraged, runs backstage and goes to unplug their speakers. Still drenched in soda (which contains a high concentration of salt), Eddie gets electrocuted and dies of a heart attack.
Transcript.
Narrator:
Narrator:
Narrator: As he made his way through the crowd, Funny Eddie stood out like a nun at a porn convention. He didn't know what he was going to do until...
Narrator: he got knocked cold by a bottle of soda pop. When Funny Eddie came to, his mission was clear: unplug these monsters and shut them down.
Narrator: Funny Eddie went down with a frown. He didn't realize that it takes all kinds of clowns to make the world go round.
ICP: In Yo FACE!!!
"For you! Something special (For you!) IN YO FACE!"
| Down With The Clown |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr. Ava Cadell
Dr. Ava Cadell was born on June 15, 1956, in Budapest, Hungary and later attended school in Finchley, England. She made a number of British television appearances in the 1970s and also appeared in the July 1975 (Volume 10 no 7) issue of men's magazine Mayfair. Her film credits include Spaced Out, Mel Brooks’ History of the World: Part I (1981), Smokey and the Bandit, Part 3 (1983), the German-made Euer Weg führt durch die Hölle [aka Jungle Warriors in the U.S.] (1984), the Arnold Schwarzenegger action flick Commando (1985), producer-director Andy Sidaris’ thriller Fit to Kill (1993) and also episodes of Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer (1984), Arthur Hailey's Hotel (1984), Dallas (1984) and The Love Boat (1985) and Perfect Strangers (1986 - on the second episode of season one, titled "Picture This").
Cadell obtained a doctorate in human behavior from Newport University (California) and later a doctorate of education in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. She then embarked upon teaching, writing and lecturing, based out of Los Angeles. Through her private practice, Cadell counsels individuals and couples on personal issues ranging from anger management and fear of intimacy to lack of communication and lack of desire.
Cadell has authored seven books covering various aspects of relationships and sex. In her capacity as a sex therapist, she has appeared on numerous national television shows, including Good Morning America, Extra, The Montel Williams Show, The Geraldo Rivera Show, and The X Show, as well as in documentaries and news reports on major broadcast networks and cable programming outlets, including CNN, MSNBC, NBC, ABC, Fox, MTV, VH1, The Discovery Channel, Lifetime and A&E.
As an extension of her presence in the sex therapy field, Cadell has founded Loveology University—the "on-line university of love coaching"—through which she imparts her knowledge to motivated students who will follow her career path to become "Loveologists".
Cadell, a certified sex counselor, has professional affiliations with the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS) and the Board of Behavioral Sciences (BBS), as an accredited continuing educator.
Cadell now hosts a radio show called "Sex Drive" which can be heard on WeTalkSex.com
Ava Cadell has been married to Los Angeles criminal defense attorney Peter L. Knecht since 1992.
| Dr. Ava Cadell |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr. Bal Raj
As one of the Best Orthopedic Surgeons in Los Angeles & Beverly Hills CA, Dr. Raj provides the ultimate in state-of -the-art quality orthopedic care available and is always on the cutting edge of the latest surgical and nonsurgical technologies such as PRP (Platelet Rich Plasma) injections, stem cell injections for tendonitis and arthritis, minimally invasive surgery and more. As an orthopedic surgeon Beverly Hills trusts and respects, Dr. Raj believes that an important part of recovery starts before treatment, with educating the patient and their family members on all treatment options, both surgical and non-surgical.
As a top Los Angeles orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Raj uses the most advanced techniques and technologies available, to reduce hospitalization and speed recovery. This includes cutting edge techniques for rotator cuff repair, ACL reconstruction, knee replacement, meniscal repair, fracture treatment and much more. The goal of the top Los Angeles orthopedic surgeon is to return you to full activity in the least amount of time possible!
Dr. Raj and his orthopedic institute provides a VIP, concierge personalized service for out of state and international patients to help you recover quicker. In addition, we have catered to many international patients encompassing VIP accommodations.
| Dr. Bal Raj |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr. Boyd Flinders
Boyd Flinders, MD, board certified orthopedic surgeon, received his medical degree from USC Keck School of Medicine, where he also completed his internship and orthopedic surgery residency. As Clinical Assistant Professor of Orthopedic Surgery at USC, Dr. Flinders is knowledgeable of the latest in orthopedics, including sophisticated spinal surgery.
Dr. Flinders is a Qualified Medical Examiner (QME), a Fellow of the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons (FAAOS), a Preferred Provider of Industry Health Plan and on the Board of Directors for the Burbank Chamber of Commerce.
As an orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Flinders is dedicated to providing the finest quality care for his patients in a warm, supportive and friendly environment. He respects the diverse needs of his patients and makes every effort to ensure they are addressed. Dr. Flinders is the Orthopedic Department Chairman, and a member of the Providence Saint Joseph Medical Staff for the past 25 years, providing care in orthopedic surgery.
| Dr. Boyd Flinders |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr. George Fallieras
Dr. George N. Fallieras comes from a family of physicians. Dr. Fallieras grew up in Tampa, Florida, and graduated Phi Beta Kappa from the University of Florida. He obtained his M.D. from the University of Tennessee, and did his residency training in New Orleans at the Tulane Health Science Center/Charity Hospital. Dr. Fallieras is double board certified in both Internal Medicine, Pediatrics, and Addiction. He has an extensive emergency room, hospital inpatient, ICU, inpatient and outpatient detoxification, and outpatient recovery experience. He has served as the Medical Director for multiple large Inpatient Hospitalist programs. He is passionate about international medicine and serves on twice yearly missions trips to rural Dominican Republic and Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Dr. Fallieras has served as expert commentary on multiple news, television, and radio outlets. Dr. Fallieras has always taken a keen interest in addiction medicine, in particular alcohol and opiate abuse. He has provided care to countless alcoholic and addicted patients in the acute hospital setting. He has seen innumerable cases of suffering individuals literally drinking themselves to death. With dread, he has made those difficult calls to parents notifying them of their child’s overdose and death. He has witnessed the profound physical and emotional burden that alcohol and drug abuse inflicts upon the individual and their families. He has seen the disappointment and shame in the eyes of very good and determined individuals who desperately want to quit drinking but are held down by the firm grasp of addiction. Like most people, he has first-hand knowledge of family members and loved ones who have endured this common struggle. As a medical director for BioCorRx, he has established ethical and effective protocols. He believes addiction is a chronic “brain disease” and requires comprehensive treatment including physical and laboratory evaluation, vitamin and nutrient repletion, nutritional support, safe and comfortable detoxification, medications to eliminate or reduce cravings, psychological attention, emotional regulation, behavioral modification to identify/address/avoid/extinguish triggers, and long-term attention and surveillance (group setting and support most effective). Dr. Fallieras has extensive experience treating patients with naltrexone implants at his independent treatment centers and has done become an expert in naltrexone. He has been interviewed by local and national media over the years about naltrexone treatment. He is currently in the process of obtaining his board certification in Addiction Medicine.
| Dr. George Fallieras |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan
Khyber Zaffarkhan, D.O.
Board Certified Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation
Specialist in Interventional Spine and Pain Medicine
Medical School.
Midwestern University
Chicago, Illinois
Transitional Year Internship.
University of Chicago
Weiss Memorial Hospital
Chicago, Illinois
Residency.
Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation Residency PGY-2 - Tuft’s-New England Medical Center
Boston, Massachusetts
Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation Medicine PGY3 & 4 - UCLA / West LA VA
West Los Angeles, California
Fellowship.
Orthopedic Medicine and Interventional Spine – Portner Orthopedic Rehabilitation, Inc.
Honolulu, Hawaii
Certification.
Diplomat, American Board of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation
| Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr. Ramon Cestero
Dr. Ramon F. Cestero is a general surgeon in San Antonio, Texas and is affiliated with University Health-San Antonio. He received his medical degree from University of California San Diego School of Medicine and has been in practice for more than 20 years.
Deaths interviewed:
| Dr. Ramon Cestero |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr. Reza Jamehdor
Dr. Reza Jamehdor is an emergency medicine physician in Covina, California and is affiliated with multiple hospitals in the area, including Emanate Health Queen of The Valley Hospital and Foothill Presbyterian Hospital. He received his medical degree from University of California, Irvine, School of Medicine and has been in practice between 11-20 years.
| Dr. Reza Jamehdor |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr. Steven Burstein
Dr. Steven Burstein, MD is an American cardiology special. He featured in 1000 Ways to Die also interviewed these deaths are described.
| Dr. Steven Burstein |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr. Vyshali Rao
Dr. Vyshali S. Rao is a cardiologist in Pasadena, California and is affiliated with multiple hospitals in the area, including Methodist Hospital of Southern California and Huntington Hospital. She received her medical degree from St. George's University School of Medicine and has been in practice for more than 20 years.
| Dr. Vyshali Rao |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr Ava Cadell
| Dr Ava Cadell |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr Bal Raj
| Dr Bal Raj |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr Boyd Flinders
| Dr Boyd Flinders |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr Khyber Zaffarkhan
| Dr Khyber Zaffarkhan |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dr Steven Burstein
| Dr Steven Burstein |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Drew Badger
Drew Badger is an American toxicologist. He is also one of the interviewees who interviewed these deaths used to explain about CGI.
| Drew Badger |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Drivers Dead
"Drivers Dead", Way to Die #163, is the fourth death to be featured in "", which aired on August 29, 2011.
Plot.
Wallace is a hot-tempered and strict driver's ed teacher with 30 years of experience. Time after time, he gets frustrated with his clients for ramming into cones. When he boils over at one of clients, Gina, she stormed out of the car and wants to report his supervisor to get him fired. Furious at her, Wallace bangs on the steering wheel repeatedly, which caused the air bag to deploy, snapping his neck, killing him instantly.
| Drivers Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Drone Boned
"Drone Boned", Way to Die #370, is the seventh and final death to be featured in "Death Be a Lady Tonight", which aired on July 25, 2011.
Plot.
Two terrorists fighting with guns hide in a building. Far away in Nevada, a worker at an army command center named Al, who is also a fellow pro video gamer, releases a drone by a video game joystick. The drone drops a missile that hits the building, and the two terrorists got caught in the resulting explosion and disintegrated instantly, reducing them to dust and ashes.
Transcript.
Narrator:
Al: Target neutralized! Suckers...
Narrator: You often hear the phrase, 'He who dies with the most toys wins.' For these terrorists, it's more like, 'He who doesn't have the latest toys...dies.'
Man: Hey man, you ready to get food?
| Drone Boned |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Drunk Die-er
"Drunk Die-er", Way To Die 957, is the first death featured in "Hurry Up and Die", which aired on October 26, 2010.
Plot.
Brian is a serial drunk driver who had been doing time in the slammer for vehicular manslaughter, but now he's out on parole and on another drunken rampage. He, like most convicted drunks when they get paroled, somehow got around having an Ignition Interlock Device installed in his car. After blowing a red light, he crashes his car and is mistakenly pronounced dead at the scene. When authorities find out he is an organ donor after finding his suspended driver's license, they bring him to the hospital to remove his organs while he is still alive. The frontal area of his brain which controls speech, were down. However the back of his brain which controls touch and balance and other vital areas lived. Brian was having his organs removed feeling every scrape, scratch, and touch, but couldn't yell or speak. He felt every cut and heard every word. The doctors never find out he is not dead yet and took out his heart, finally causing his death and sending this drunk driver straight to hell, which then they put the removed bones onto his corpse for him to be closed up.
Transcript.
Brian: One for the red light!
Brian: (SCREAMS)
Brian slams on his brakes and crashes)
Narrator: Brian used to drive around dead-drunk. Now he's just another... dead drunk.
| Drunk Die-er |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dumb Skull
"Dumb Skull", Way to Die #292, is the eighth and final death to be featured in "Death Watch", which aired on January 27, 2010.
Plot.
Buck and Joe are out in the woods. Buck is on his four-wheeler and Joe is on his off-road motorcycle. The two play a game where they drive towards each other very fast and veer away at the last minute. After a very close call, Buck looks back to see if Joe is okay, only for a tree branch to slam into his chest, breaking his neck and killing him.
| Dumb Skull |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dumbrella
"Dumbrella", Way to Die #952, is the fifth death featured in "Unforced Errors", which aired on February 8, 2009.
Plot.
Meet Boris. He is a desperate man because of the economic downturn, and decides to make magic tricks as his hobby. But his well-known act was sword swallowing. He is popular and could soon become famous and rich.
Maybe two could do. He knows that it could scissor and can cause internal bleeding, but he does it anyway. It happens! He's done it! But the audiences wanted challenges. The challenge today was an old pensioner, who wanted him to be an umbrella-swallower. It's going to be a rainy day. He didn't want to do it, but he done it because of his hopes for fame.
But he hits the release button while doing it. It crushes his windpipe and is sealing Boris's fate. The pensioner cannot believe it, or anybody else. He is asphyxiated to death.
Transcript.
Boris: Come on inside, you gonna see a show that you never seen before.
Narrator: Boris was a desperate man. The recent economic downturn has made life hard.
Boris: This is real and real dangerous, folks. So please, don't try this at home.
Narrator: Especially for his 7-foot sword swallow.
Narrator: He used to pack them in, now he was lucky to get a bus load of blue hairs on their way to Atlantic city.
Joe Skilton: The key to point off successful trick, is getting the audience emotionally invested.
Joe Skilton: If the audience doesn't like you, and they're not emotionally invested in you, uh, when you do this trick, they're gonna be watching it um, kinda like an ancient roman audience would watching gladiator. You know? They're watching it... let's see if he gets hurt. And um, that's uh... that's not good place to be.
Boris: That's right. 2 blades at one time.
Narrator: Being a circus freak, Boris was willing to do anything to stay afloat. If one sword didn't warn them, how about 2?
Boris: This is extremely dangerous, because at any moment, the swords can scissor. Causing internal bleeding.
Narrator: And if that didn't do the trick, he take challenges from the audience. This day, some cranky old pensioner...
Old Pensioner: Hold on.
Narrator: handed him his umbrella.
Old Pensioner: Hey! Big guy, aha. How about my umbrella, huh? Huh?
Man: Come on. Let's see. Let's see.
Narrator: Desperate times call for desperate measures. In a dramatic flourish, Boris hoisted the umbrella over his head, and proceeded to jam it down his big and tall gullet. It was a frightening and disgusting display. But the audience couldn't turn away.
Audience: Oh!
Narrator: Boris might've got away with nothing more than a sword throat. But his giant epiglottis head to release mechanism.
Narrator: And the umbrella opened up, closing down his windpipe, and sealing the deal on Boris.
Todd Robbins: Uh, just about the stupidest thing that I can think of... swallow, it would be an umbrella. I've never done that and never will. It could open up, and if that happens, A. It's gonna get lodged in and it could not be able to get out and then doing so, you're gonna ripping the... hell out of the esophagus. And also, if your er... trachea is gonna be blocked, and your windpipe, it wouldn't breathe. So, your... your... you're screwed.
Narrator: He lived by the sword. He died by the-
Narrator: you got it... umbrella.
| Dumbrella |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dung For
"Dung For", Way to Die #314, is the first death featured in "The Lighter Side of Death", which aired on March 1, 2009.
Plot.
Farmer John, who was equal parts dumb and ugly, was working on his farm. His farmhand, Chester, was in awe of his boss' daughter, Daisy. All Chester wanted to do was plant his seed into Daisy, so the two sneak off in the hay bales, however, the horses give them away and an angry John chases Chester as Daisy watches on. Chester ducks into a truck and loses John, but is crushed to death by a stinky payload of manure. As Daisy opens the truck door, Chester's lifeless arm appears and she screams, then whines, "Why does this always happen to me?"
Transcript.
Narrator: Chester paid the ultimate price for trying to fertilize Daisy. Poor Daisy. All she really wanted was a stable relationship.
| Dung For |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dyin' Maiden
Dyin' Maiden, Way to Die #874, is the second death featured in "Death Penalties", which aired on January 25, 2012.
Plot.
During the French revolution, a French spy for the revolution named Clara poses as a chambermaid to a wealthy magistrate named Pierre in order to steal valuable goods. One day, Clara decides to kill Pierre in order to steal his valuables, but is caught by Pierre's assistant, Gaston. Clara is then sentenced to death inside of an iron maiden (a torture device which impales a victim with spikes throughout the body, but because it does not puncture vital organs, it allows its' victims to die slow and painfully). Clara screams with pain because the spikes hurt her painfully, and Clara dies due to blood loss from the various wounds throughout her body.
Transcript.
Narrator: When the doors open...Clara is dead. For her, the revolution is over.
Pierre: "C'est parfait." (It's perfect.)
Narrator: "Au Revoir" (Goodbye), Clara.
| Dyin' Maiden |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Dying to Tell the Story
Dying to Tell the Story.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 37.
Originally aired December 29, 2010.
-- This is the Original Episode --
African't.
Way to Die #794
On March 24, 1994, in Tanzania, Africa. A rich, spoiled man and his sister tour in the Serengeti, and get frustrated over how boring the safari is. They soon abandon their tour guide in search of some excitement (against the tour guide's warnings), and get very tired and dehydrated. They both pass out under a tree. Hours later, the man's sister wakes up to find that a colony of driver ants has eaten her brother alive from the inside out. The sister (who runs screaming into the wild) survives because the perfume she had on was treated with a chemical commonly used in insect repellent.
Alt names - Sorry Safari
Amish-Tinguished.
Way to Die #645
On October 31, 2005, in Philadelphia, PA. An Amish boy sent to the city as part of Rumspringa is coaxed into a Halloween party by guests who think the Amish boy's look is a costume. The boy is coaxed into a few drinks and becomes the life of the party, until he collapses and dies, unaware that he was born without an enzyme that aids in breaking down alcohol.
Alt names - Jebe-Die-Ah
Trucked Up.
Way to Die #416
On August 2, 2006, in Ithaca, New York. A teenager shows off his car to his girlfriend, but his obnoxious cousin also shows off his new pickup truck. While showing off eight ball on his gear shift, he left the car in gear. When he activated the remote starter, the truck lurched forward, popped out of gear, knocked him on the ground and then crushed his skull with the tires.
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Handi-Crapped.
Way to Die #212 (Note: This is the second death to use this name.)
On July 19, 2010, in Malibu, CA. A rude surfer often parks his convertible in handicapped parking spaces. When confronted by a Vietnam War veteran who lost his leg, the surfer refuses to confront him, opting instead to drive away. The surfboard pivots sideways due to quick acceleration of his car, hits a street sign and severs the surfer's head from his spinal cord, killing him instantly.
Alt names - Surfin' Turd
Chess Pain.
Way to Die #169
On January 1, 1977, in Leningrad, USSR. A Soviet chess master challenges a chess robot to a match, using a board fitted with electromagnets and metal pieces that respond to the robot's moves. The man sweats profusely under the stress of the game, and when he touches one piece, he is electrocuted due to the board not being properly grounded.
Alt names - End Game
Little Chop Of Horrors.
Way to Die #315
On June 11, 2005, in Detroit, MI. A chop shop owner cheats two criminals out of a car, attempting to profit from its engine. As he works under the car to loosen the mounts, the chain holding up the engine breaks, dropping it onto his chest and crushing him.
Alt names - Chop Shop of Horrors
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
'Dis Still Killed 'Em.
Way to Die #452
On April 22, 1931, in Morgantown, WV. At the height of both the Prohibition Era and the Great Depression, a poor, Appalachian couple decide to make money by selling moonshine. They sample the first liquid produced by their still, not realizing that it contains pure methanol, which causes blindness and eventual organ failure.
Alt names - Full Proof
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Dying to Tell the Story |
fandom.1000waystodie | # E-I-E-I-OW!
| E-I-E-I-OW! |
fandom.1000waystodie | # E-I-E-I-Oww!
"E-I-E-I-Oww!", Way to Die #487 is the fifth death to be featured in "Eat, Pray, Die" which aired on August 8, 2011.
Plot.
Steve/Mark and Jerry are two delinquents sentenced to 60 days on a work release program on a farm after being caught for grand theft auto. While working in the barn, there was a lot more fooling around than working; Steve/Mark also almost kills Jerry with a pitchfork. Steve/Mark finds and picks up a captive bolt pistol, thinking it is a pump to a milking machine. The farmer's daughter shows up to keep them from hurting themselves and warns him not to play with it and that it is not a pump, but Steve points it at her saying that he wants milk. Still thinking that it's a pump, Steve/Mark uses the captive bolt pistol on his own chest, piercing his heart, resulting in death by massive blood loss.
Transcript.
Narrator: When you don't know what you're doing, the farm can be just as dangerous as the street.
Narrator: You hear the one about the two juveniles who were sentenced to work release on a farm?
Steve: I'll cut your balls off.
They messed around and threatened the farmer's daughter until one of them accidentally killed himself with a cattle bolt pistol! Ha! That's a good one!
| E-I-E-I-Oww! |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Easter Eggs
Easter eggs are subtle secrets and references that are hidden in the show.
| Easter Eggs |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Easy Slider
"Easy Slider", Way to Die #418, is the second death to be featured in "Death On A Stick", which aired on August 3, 2010.
Plot.
Two pool hoppers named Trudy and Dennis break into a pool of a house under construction. They nearly get killed by a loose plug in the water but narrowly avoid electrocution. Dennis gets drunk and starts playing with a nail gun and later a circular saw before finally, trying to slide on a piece of plastic into the pool despite Trudy's warnings. However, he is so drunk that he fails to notice a nail sticking out of the plastic. As he slides onto it, the nail cuts open Dennis's stomach and tears out his intestines, causing massive bleeding, sending him into hypovolemic shock and he dies, while Trudy screams in absolute horror.
| Easy Slider |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Eat, Pray, Die
Eat Pray Die.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 51.
Originally aired August 8, 2011.
Title reference: Spoofs the popular movie "Eat Pray Love".
-- This is the Original Episode --
Ich Bin Ein Stoner.
Way to Die #500
On October 26, 1384, in Cochem, Germany. A medieval witch hunter goes mad after eating grains infected with ergot. The superstitious townspeople use a method that the witch hunter used on a village woman who was accused of witchcraft: pricking a mole on the accused's body (if it bled, the accused was innocent; if not, the accused was deemed a witch). The witch hunter's mole does not bleed and he is sentenced to death by stoning. The witch hunter is killed when a stone hits him in the head and cracks his skull.
Alt names - Witch Hunt
Another Up The Butt Story.
Way to Die #449
On August 17, 2009, in Las Vegas, NV. A drunk bachelor attempts to rape a stripper (who was used as a human sushi bar) at his bachelor party. The stripper pushes him onto the toilet and he leans on the flush mechanism. Abnormally high pressure in the tank causes the porcelain lid to fly onto the floor and shatter, and the bachelor slips onto a shard of porcelain, piercing his colon and intestinal tract, and causing him to bleed to death.
Alt names - Buzz-Ted
Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Bachelor Bashed".
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Poly-Ass-Turd.
Way to Die #189
On October 7, 2003, in Twin Falls, ID. A fraudulent self-help guru holds an outdoors seminar for people with low self-confidence, which includes a test in which the patients have to walk over a bed of hot coals. When a patient complains the coals are too hot, the guru attempts to prove them wrong and walk over them himself. However, he falls and is caught ablaze, with his polyester suit melting onto his skin causing fatal burns to his body and dies.
Alt names - You're Fired!
Shoots & Ladders.
Way to Die #79
On May 9, 2004, in Melbourne, FL. Annoyed by his neighbor's barking dog, a miser shoots it with a pellet from a slingshot. However, while putting the slingshot back in the attic, a screw falls out of the ladder he is using, and he slips, falling backward and smacking his head against the hardwood floor. He soon dies from brain damage that stops his heart and breathing.
Alt names - See You Ladder
E-I-E-I-Oww!.
Way to Die #487
On June 1, 2005, in Pullman, WA. Two delinquents are sentenced to a work release program on a farm after they got caught for grand theft auto. One of the delinquents picks up a captive bolt pistol, thinking it is a pump to a milking machine. The farmer's daughter warns him not to play with it, but he points it at her saying that he wants milk. Still thinking that it's a pump, the delinquent uses the captive bolt pistol on his own chest, piercing his heart.
Alt names - In Farm's Way
Bush Defeated.
Way to Die #769
On March 23, 1999, in Nelson, VA. A woman with a large amount of pubic hair decides to get rid of it by clipping, shaving, and waxing it off herself after her boyfriend refuses to have sex with her. She accidentally removes some skin in the process, allowing an infection of necrotizing fasciitis to set in and kill her two weeks later from blood poisoning and organ failure.
Alt names - Wax On, Wax Off
Skid Marked.
Way to Die #419
On March 12, 2006, in St. Petersburg, FL. A group of car thieves are practicing "ghost riding the whip" (putting the car into gear and dancing alongside it) with a stolen SUV. One of them attempts "The Circle," which involves making the car ride in a tight circle while standing atop it. The SUV hits a parking chalk, knocking the rider from the roof of the SUV. While on the ground, the SUV comes around and runs over the riders legs and breaks them. The SUV comes around and crushing his head.
Alt names - Ghost Rider
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Eat, Pray, Die |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Eat Pray Die
| Eat Pray Die |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Eddie Paul
Eddie Paul was one of the Interviewees. He was an engineer. Not an engineer who drove trains, he was a construction engineer. He appeared in certain deaths and explained how things are designed such as certain machinery. Eddie Paul passed away on July 12, 2016, at the age of 69.
| Eddie Paul |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Eel Effects
"Eel Effects", Way to Die #779, is the third death to be featured in "Dead Wrongs", which aired on September 28, 2010.
Plot.
At a sushi chef school, only 2 out of 25 students have graduated. As a custom, Tanaka, the head sushi chef shares shots of sake with his students to celebrate their graduation. After he passes out drunk, the students decide to put a Japanese eel down his pants as payback for Tanaka's abusive punishments (one of which was threatening them with "unagi kuzutare (eel up ass)". The eel slithers through his rectum and eats its way out, causing massive bleeding and eventually, exsanguination.
Transcript.
Chefs: "カンパーイ ! (Kanpaai !)" (Cheers!)
-Narrator: It's graduation night at Chef Tanaka's school for sushi chefs.<br>
-Tanaka: "ああ～～ !!" (Aaaahh! (Delicious!))
Narrator: Out of a handpicked class of 25, only 2 have made it through.
Tanaka: "かんぱいかんぱいかんぱい ! かんぱいかんぱ～い ! (KanpaiKanpaiKanpai ! KanpaiKanpaai !)" (Cheer again, cheers, cheers! Let's cheers!)
Narrator: As was his custom, Tanaka is sharing shots of sake with his charges to celebrate their ride of passage.
Assistant Sushi Chef #2: "あ～ 最高 !! (Aah Saikou !!)" (Aah, this is the best!!)
Chef Andy Matsuda: Become a sushi chef is very hard,
Chef Andy Matsuda: because so many different time the fesh you need to understand. So we need to do... proper handling, proper cut, that's... long hour, in the money and lot of process, then you shofer in the knife, for sharping, that's a lot of work.
Narrator: More prison camp at school, the students leave in constant fear of Tanaka's wrath.
Tanaka: "何してくれるんだ !! ちくしょ !!! (Nani shite kureru nda !! Chiksho !!!)" (What have you done!! Damn it!!!)
Narrator: He shoved wasabi off their noses.
Tanaka: "あー－－－もう !!! (AAAAAAAAA MOU !!!)" (AAAAAAAH Dammit!!!)
Narrator: Or ambush them with blast of water.
Narrator: One of his favorite teaching tricks: was to threatening them with "unagi kuzutare (うなぎくずたれ)"; eel up ass.
Narrator: But that was all history.
Tanaka: "お疲れ様 !! (Otskare sama !!)" (Great work, you guys!!)
Narrator: Tonight was for celebrating.
Narrator: After too many shots, Tanaka was out cold.
Narrator: He never could hold his liquor.
-Narrator: The students saw this as an opportunity to get some revenge on their task master.<br>
-Assistant Sushi Chef #2: (Laughs)
Narrator: An eel down his pants, should make for a nice surprise when he wakes up.
Narrator: But, the students hadn't counted on this: The eel wound up crawling deep inside Tanaka's rectum. And ate its way out.
Jason Romero: An eel... blurring its way up to the man's rectum, biting through, it's gonna... cause extensive internal bleeding, um, also damaging 2 very important veins there: The inferior hemorrhoidal vein and the common iliac vein. It's gonna lead to hypovolemic shock.
Narrator: He lost so much blood he went from comatose to coma... to dead.
Narrator: Tanaka ran his sushi school with an iron fist.
Narrator: But then, he got eel and never woke up. "Domo arigato" (どうもありがとう。) (Thank you very much).
| Eel Effects |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Ein letzter Angriff
]]
| Ein letzter Angriff |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Electro-Cutie
| Electro-Cutie |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Electro-cutie
"Electro-cutie", Way to Die #349, is the first death featured in "A New App Called Death", which aired on April 2, 2012.
Plot.
A part-time female intern named Carol attends an office Christmas party, where she gets drunk off of spiked punch and performs a striptease on top of a desk for her male co-workers, much to the disgust of her female co-workers.
Carol makes her way to the company's boss, Tim, and attempts to seduce him by giving him pictures of her butt in order to get hired full-time. Carol heads into the copy machine where she sits on top of the glass.
The glass on the copy machine breaks, and she is fatally electrocuted from the exposed wires, which sent a deadly current to her heart and caused ventricular fibrillation, killing her in seconds.
Transcript.
Carol: (SCREAMS)
Narrator: Carol tried to use her assets to land a full-time job. But in the end, she was just another...smoking...hot...body.
| Electro-cutie |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Em-Bear-Assed
"Em-Bear-Assed", Way to Die #412, is the fourth death to be featured in "Death Over Easy", which aired on February 8, 2009, and the seventh death to be featured in the episode, which aired on October 24, 2011.
Plot.
A man named Randy was under the influence of magic mushrooms which made him have hallucinations. Randy tried to talk to the bushes, but he didn't get anything from them, on top of that, he barked like a dog and walked on all fours in the dirt. Then, Randy comes upon a group of people dressed in animal costumes who were engaged in sexual intercourse with each other (something called a furry). Randy tries to have sex with the participants, but each time he was rebuffed (someone in a chicken costume even shooed him away with his beak). Then, Randy saw somebody who thought was dressed up as a bear, only to get a painful surprise...
"It was a real live bear. And it wasn't into casual sex with a human." When Randy tried to have sex with it, the bear panicked and proceeded to maul him to death.
Transcript.
Narrator: This is Randy. He's out of his gored. He had hand full of magic mushrooms, and now he's wandering around desert, higher than a cut.
Randy: (Barks)
Dr. Kim Henderson: When this guy ate the mushrooms, there is fully component of present in them, and your...body converts that to . Which is... actually was responsible for the who sin genetic effect...
Narrator: He asked the bushes for an answer and got nothing.
Randy: (Whispers) Liar...
-Narrator: He got a touch of his inner dog, and got dirty.<br>
-Randy: (Barks) (Growls)
-Narrator: To anyone not tripping out on mushrooms, Randy would appear to be completely insane. And then things got really weird.<br>
-Randy: (Laughs insanely)
Narrator: At the end of the day, Randy came upon the group of fornicating furries.
Furries: (Growl)
Narrator: "What's a furry?"? People who like to put on animal costumes. And get together for fun things like group sex.
Morning Bear: A furry orgy... is often known as a fur pile.
Furries: (Whooping)
Morning Bear: Some are not spirit animals, and er... whatever happens next is... whatever, you know, naturally what happen.
Furries: (Growl)
Narrator: In Randy state of mind, sex seem like a good idea. The zebra looked kind of cute...
Zebra: Hey, get your hands off me.
Narrator: This orgy, was turning tricky. Instead of a threesome with a zebra and a cute beaver, maybe it was time to squeeze some honey out of Miss Bunny.
Cock: (Growls)
Narrator: But the cock shoot Randy away with his pecker.
Morning Bear: He... most likely er, wouldn't be welcome if he was just any old dude... or...especially if he was a dude. (Bitter laugh) And it's just like "Who is this guy? Who's coming in to-to my kingdom?"
Bear: Get out of here, you freak!
Narrator: It looked like Randy would get no love for the animal kingdom. When all the sudden...
Narrator: There she was. A sultry little furry in a teddy. Randy knew he was about to get smokey, with mama bear. It turns out Randy got freaky with the wrong furry.
-Bear: (Roars)<br>
-Narrator: It was a real live bear.
Narrator: And it wasn't into casual sex with a human.
Bear: (ROARS)
Joe Camp: The bear look at him is an aggressive. The bear took him as an attack not as a game.
Randy: Ah... Oh...
Joe Camp: And once they're on top, he would on floor, pose around you, they'll just start biting and start eating. And the worst part about it is normally um... they start eating before you're dead.
Narrator: Let's recap the lesson that we learned from Randy's gruesome death:
Randy: (Barks)
Narrator: This is your brain,
Narrator: this is your brain on drugs
Bear: (ROARS)
Narrator: and this is a bear ripping out your throat after you tried to have sex with it while you were high on drugs. The lesson,
Narrator: when nature calls, just say no.
Furry: (Growl)
| Em-Bear-Assed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Enter the Ferret
Enter the Ferret.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 67.
Originally aired March 12, 2012.
Title reference: A ferret-related event in this episode (See "Way to Die #780").
-- This is the Original Episode --
Critter In The S****er.
Way to Die #780
On January 18, 2004, in Richmond, VA. A Scottish man in a ferret legging contest attempts to break the world record for the longest time a ferret has been in his pants. However, one of the ferrets finds its way into the man's rectum and feasts on his hemorrhoids, causing death from excessive bleeding.
Alt names - Ferret In The Hole
Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Frantic Ferret"
Fat Man In A Little Swing.
Way to Die #141
On October 5, 2002, in Omaha, NE. A drunk, obese man bets his buddies that he can get into a baby swing at a playground. After he strips naked and lubes himself up, he squeezes into the swing, but gets stuck and his buddies leave him in the swing for the night. The man tries to scream for help, but no one comes to his aid. Due to how extremely tight the baby swing is around his waist, the man dies from sepsis due to a ruptured appendix.
Alt names - Morbidly Deceased
Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Heavyweight Havoc"
TK Uh-O.
Way to Die #128
On September 5, 2009, in Racine, WI. A female boxer uses diuretics to dehydrate herself so she can make bantamweight. When she disqualifies herself for using an illegal move, she hits herself in the head from frustration and ends up dying due to her dehydration shrinking her brain and the force of the punch causing it to rattle and bleed.
Alt names - KO'd
Out to Launch.
Way to Die #216
On March 15, 2010, in Tarzana, CA. A group of stoned teenagers in a park decide to mess around by putting one of the back tire of one of the teen's motorcycles against the base of the carousel, getting on, and revving the bike up to create a large centrifugal force on the merry-go-round. With the carousel rotating at an extreme speed, the one of the teens flies off and his brain stem is impaled orally on a horseshoes pole sticking out from the sandbox nearby.
Alt names - Merry Go-Wrong
Vat's All Folks.
Way to Die #613
On June 19, 2001, in Chicago, IL. A cemetery owner digs up his corpses and dissolves them in hydrofluoric acid to make room in the plots and coffins to put them up for resale. After his coworkers refuse to go along with his plan, the cemetery owner decides to do it himself and ends up falling into the acid tub, burning himself to death from the inside out.
Alt names - Acid Washed
Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Graveyard Shift"
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Tunnel Vision.
Way to Die #99
On May 30, 2002, in Philadelphia, PA. A philly cheesesteak stand owner is rivaled by another cheesesteak owner. The two attempt to steal customers at a street art fair by lowering prices, and then the battle escalates to a food fight. When that gets out of hand, the first one creates a Molotov cocktail to use against the rival stand. The man accidentally sets his arm on fire and runs into what he thinks is a tunnel, but is actually a brick wall decorated in 3D chalk art. The force cracks his skull and kills him.
Alt names - Door to Nowhere
A Chainus Runs Through It.
Way to Die #985
On August 2, 2001, in Denver, CO. A conceited tattoo artist attempting to outdo his coworkers' spiked tongue gets an extreme piercing known as "The Chainus" in which a chain goes into his mouth and out his rectum. While the other coworkers crow over the new piercing, an angry biker gang leader bursts in in pursuit of the conceited tattoo artist for tattooing Chinese language symbols on his arm that translate to "douche bag". The tattoo artist manages to escape the wrath of the biker, but ends up getting his piercing caught in a forklift. The forklift operator lifts the boxes, which causes the chain to straighten and tighten within the tattoo artist's body and causes fatal internal bleeding, killing him within seconds.
Alt names - Shredded Zeke
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Enter the Ferret |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Episode Guide
1000 WAYS TO DIE.
This episode guide might only be seen on some separate and organized seasons of every segment episodes.
Warning Notes.
Main Article: "Warning Notes"
Season 1.
Life Will Kill You
Hard Lives, Easy Deaths
Unforced Errors
Death Over Easy
Dead and Deader
Death Gets Busy
The Lighter Side of Death
The Good, The Bad, and the Dead
Death Be Not Stupid
Cure for the Common Death, Part I
I See Dead People (And They're Cracking Me Up)
"For More Details, See": Season 1 Segment List.
Season 2.
Death On Arrival
Death Bites!
Up With Death
Putting a Happy Face on Death
Bringing In The Dead
Gratefully Dead
Come On, Get Deathy
Death Watch
Waking Up Dead
You're Dead! LOL!
Dead to Rights
Dead on Dead
"For More Details, See": Season 2 Segment List.
Season 3.
Death On A Stick
Putting A Smiley Face On Death
Stupid is as Stupid Dies
Dead Wrongs
Fatal Distractions
The End is Weird
Hurry Up and Die
Death Puts On a Dunce Cap
Young, Dumb, and Full of Death
Cure for the Common Death, Part II
Sudden Death
Dying to Tell the Story
If You're Dead – Leave a Message and We'll Get Back to You
"For More Details, See": Season 3 Segment List.
Season 4.
The One About Dumb People Dying
Getting A Rise From The Dead
Ready Or Not, Here Comes Death
Grave Errors
Killing Them Softly
Better Them Than Us
Dead Before They Know It
Stupid Is As Death Does
That's "Mister Death" To You
Death, The New Black
Death Be a Lady Tonight
Eat, Pray Die
Wait, Don't Tell Me – You're Dead
Death – The Gift That Lasts Forever
"For More Details, See": Season 4 Segment List..
Season 5.
Deadliest Kitsch
Dirt Nap
Death Takes A Vacation
Wild Wild Death
Death Penalties
Die-abestic
Death – Putting The "Fun" In "Funeral"
Sor-Dead Affair
Locked and Low Dead
"For More Details, See": Season 5 Segment List.
Season 6.
Enter the Ferret
Think Globally, Die Locally
Tweets From the Dead
A New App Called Death
Death Certificates
Crying Over Spilled Blood
It's a Dead, Dead, Dead World
Death, The Final Frontier
"For More Details, See": Season 6 Segment List.
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Episode Guide |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Erecto-Phobia
| Erecto-Phobia |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Erecto-phobia
"Erecto-phobia", Way to Die #672, is the fifth death featured in "Stupid is as Stupid Dies", which aired on September 21, 2010.
Plot.
Peter was going to have the best day of his life. Too bad it would end with the end of his life. Lately, he had been cheating on his longtime girlfriend, Brianna with two other girls: Lukasha and Desiree. While having sex with the latter, he suddenly collapsed onto the floor, dead from a heart attack. To understand how Peter died, let's go back to a few hours ago...
While unpacking Brianna's groceries, he gets bitten by a Brazilian wandering spider while getting some bananas out of her bag. The spider's venom causes his blood vessels to dilate, resulting in a permanent erection. To Peter, he just thought that he was having a good hard-on going on. By the time he finally realized something was wrong, it was much too late, and he went into hemodynamic and cardiovascular collapse, resulting in his fatal heart attack.
"Little Peter was doing fine, but big Pete was not. Finally, after a couple of more thrusts, the stud went thud."
| Erecto-phobia |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Eric Abrams
Eric Abrams is a firefighter who interviewed these deaths:
In addition, he was also interviewed in the Informational Segment for Teller She's Dead, explaining the use and reasons for CO2 fire extinguishers.
| Eric Abrams |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Escape template
| Escape template |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Escaped Deaths
The Escaped Death sequences were a series of end-episode segments featured throughout Season 1. Rather than feature glorified depictions of people dying, they instead featured legitimate accounts of people who very nearly died. For reasons unknown, these segments were scrapped entirely come Season 2 and onwards.
These escaped death segments are only on Season 1 (including two pilot episodes). In the German version however, the escaped deaths of episodes 3-11 are replaced with an extra death segment and one extra escaped death segment is added in episode 12.
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Escaped Deaths |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Ex'D Ex
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<comment>Dark Arcanine 33 moved page Ex'D Ex to Ex'd Ex</comment>
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| Ex'D Ex |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Ex'd Ex
"Ex'd Ex", Way to Die #630, is the sixth death to be featured in "Dirt Nap", which aired on November 7, 2011.
Plot.
One night, Patrick and his girlfriend Sarah take a ride on a hay ride. While they enjoy the ride, they hear wolf howls made by the radio of Sarah's ex-boyfriend Morgan. Morgan disguises himself as an ax murderer by wearing a ski mask and carrying the radio and a fake ax to scare Patrick and Sarah. After seeing and hearing Sarah accept Patrick's proposal, Morgan becomes angry and jumps onto the ride and scares them. Luckily, Patrick punches Morgan causing him to fall off of the ride and the vehicle ran over Morgan cutting him in half, killing him instantly. Patrick gets off the ride and takes the ski mask off which reveals the "ax murderer" to be a deceased Morgan himself. Sarah cries on Patrick's shoulder as Patrick hugs her in comfort.
"When the ring came out, jealous Morgan freaked out, and his dreams of getting back Sarah... were crushed, as so were Morgan's organs."
Transcript.
Patrick: It's probably just a wild dog or something.
Narrator: It was a dog. A jealous dog named Morgan, Sarah's ex boyfriend.
Narrator: When the ring came out, jealous Morgan freaked out...
Narrator: ...and his dreams of getting back Sarah... were crushed, as so were Morgan's organs.
David Svoboda: The 2500 pound trailer ran over Morgan's abdomen ripping him completely in half. With his organs flattened, his spinal cord completely destroyed, and half of his blood forced out of his skin, by shear weight displacement, he was killed, instantly!
Sarah: "(shocked)" Morgan?!
Narrator: Sarah broke Morgan's heart by choosing Patrick to be her man. This drove Morgan into a jealous rage. In the end, he chose a strange way to... spill his guts.
| Ex'd Ex |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Ex-Squeezed
"Ex-Squeezed", Way to Die #888, is the seventh death to be featured in "Sudden Death", which aired on December 22, 2010.
Plot.
Thomas Miagh was sentenced to death on the Torture Rack, which was supposed to stretch someone and keep pulling until their joints disconnected. This contraption was designed by the brilliant Sir William Skeffington, who was nicknamed "Scavenger". As he attempted to pull Thomas apart with the rack, he failed because Thomas was a whopping 6'9. Way too big for the rack. Thomas mocks Skevington by saying, "Scavenger. I think you got me in the child size". Then Skevington came up with the idea of instead of pulling someone apart, squeeze them to death. And so, the famous Scavenger's Daughter was born. A metal contraption that had someone crouching in the fetal position, and two metal arms tightened other metal bars on the victims' back, and tightened more and more until death. Thomas was the first victim. As the steel pressed down on Thomas, his back, legs, arms, and ribs broke, and he suffered severe internal hemorrhaging. His lungs compressed as blood squirted from every orifice from his body; it was like squeezing a wet sponge dry. He was brutally squeezed more and more until his neck snapped. Thomas dies as a result, much to the relief of Sir William Skevington.
"And then...Thomas died."
Segment Description.
Description as seen on the Spike TV website
| Ex-Squeezed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Exausted Avalanche
| Exausted Avalanche |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Exhaustdead
Exhaustdead, Way to Die #108, is the fifth death featured in "You're Dead! LOL!", which aired on February 10, 2010.
Plot.
Mark is a cruel husband married to a much nicer woman named Julie, who he yells at when she doesn't have dinner ready for him. A month later, Julie dumped Mark's lard ass, and began dating a much nicer guy. After a buddy tips off Mark about the date, he pulls up at the restaurant, waiting outside with a paintball gun to pelt the couple when they leave out and make a quick getaway. Mark reverses his car against a back wall to hide and eventually begins to feel lightheaded, his vision blurs and is on the verge of passing out. Mark had unknowingly parked the car's tailpipe into a pile of trash and left the engine running in order to make his getaway. With the windows closed and the tailpipe plugged, the car became filled with deadly carbon monoxide. Mark lost consciousness and died from asphyxiation.
Transcript.
Mark: DO NOT TURN YOUR BACK TO ME!!!
Narrator: Mark didn't know how good he had it. Maybe if he had been a nice guy, he wouldn't have wound up a dead one.
| Exhaustdead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Exploding Ball
| Exploding Ball |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Extinguished
"Extinguished", Way to Die #346, is the seventh and last death to be featured in "Death – Putting The "Fun" In "Funeral"", which aired on February 22, 2012.
Plot.
A Wednesday night dodge ball game begins at a local community center, and Andre, an ex-jock coach, leads his team against a group of nerds. Andre prospected for college but he failed his drug tests. Though his bitter, angry attitude/personality goes on in the game, his team wins. However, Andre is not satisfied after his team players say it's "just dodge ball" and to him, it was life, so grabs a fire extinguisher after his team players tell him to "cool off". However, the fire extinguisher was defective (improperly manifolded), and as he activates it, it explodes and the handle lodges deep into his chest, tearing up his heart, killing him instantly.
Transcript.
Andre: YOU'RE OUT GET OUT OF HERE!!!
Andre: WOO!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Yes! Yes sir! I swear sometimes it feels like I'm carrying dead weight! You're lucky you had me!
Team player #1: What's wrong with you? It's just dodgeball.
Andre: "Just dodgeball"??!! This is life!!
Team player #2: Yo, cool out, dude!
Andre: Oh, you want me to cool out?! Oh, I'll cool you out right now!
Eric Abrams: If a fire extinguisher isn't properly maintained, overtime the structure can weaken and potentially lead to failure.
Narrator: For angry Andre, life was a game to be won at all costs. But as soon as he picked up that fire extinguisher... his life went into... sudden... death.
| Extinguished |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Eye-Sick-Kill
"Eye-Sick-Kill", Way to Die #247, is the last death featured in the episode "Dead Before They Know It", which aired on March 23, 2011.
Plot.
Perverted stoner Paul works as a mall Santa, only to be fired for sexually harassing two female co-workers working as his elves. When the manager storms out, Paul tries to get his attention by banging on the door. When he looks up, Paul is impaled through the eye by a falling icicle that pierces his brain, killing him instantly.
Transcript.
Narrator: It was 3 weeks before Christmas. And right outside the mall, not a creature was furying. Except 2 hot elves and a stoner Santa named Paul.
-Paul: You want? Try this, this is good stuff.
-Black elf: No. No. Thanks.
Narrator: There were no cute children to sit and to pose,
Narrator: their parents were all broke. Their homes, all foreclosed.
Narrator: This was no Saint Nic, but he sure liked his hoes...
Narrator: He felt up the elves,
Paul: (Mumbles)
Narrator: so they slapped him and said:
White elf: If you hit one more of your filthy fingers on her, I'm getting our manager!
Gino England: In begin, Santa can make up to 100 bucks in hour. More as er... that trick Santa, can make up to 175 to 200 bucks in hour. If Santa works 40 hours a week during holiday season, it can bring up to $10000 in holiday wages.
Narrator: On refer, on spleen, on blunty, on bone.
Paul: (Evil laugh)
Narrator: This Santa was a junky. All he did, was get stoned.
Narrator: The mall manager got flustered and led out a big cry.
-Mall manager: You're fired, okay? Get out of here! Get out of here!
-Paul: Oh, come on. No.
Narrator: And Santa got busted, for being so high.
Paul: What's going on? Hey!
Narrator: This rat-bearded stoner, finally looked to the sky... and took a large icicle.
Paul: (Screams of pain)
White elf: (Gasps)
Narrator: Right in the eye.
2 elves: (SCREAMS OF HORROR)
Jon Wright: The key to an icicle is a fact that... when water refreezes, it releases his heat. As a water drips down an icicle, the released heat actually forms like a blinked... the top of the icicle forms slowly, the tip of the icicle forms rapidly. Icicle can grow as big as a 100 feet...
Jon Wright: ...should does icicles break, you're talking incredibly dangerous situations for pedestrian, people driving cars below, 'course being a situation where people actually being killed by icicle falling from buildings and different locations.
Narrator: This Santa was a loser, no doubt about that.
Paul: (Mumbles)
Narrator: Merry Christmas to all,
-Mall manager: You're fired, okay? Get out of here!
-Paul: Oh, come on.
Narrator: And thank God he got whacked.
Paul: (Screams of pain)
2 elves: (SCREAMS OF HORROR)
| Eye-Sick-Kill |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Eye So Horny
"Eye So Horny", Way to Die #187, is the sixth death featured in "Death Certificates", which aired on July 15, 2012.
Plot.
Del and Lonnie are two brothers that are also partners in a moonshine operation. Del is what you get if your mom smokes, drinks, and huffs paint throughout her pregnancy. While Lonnie was tagged for abortion but Mom went into a drug related coma and gave birth before she died. While drunk, Del decides that he is going to make a man out of Lonnie by making him a "bullfighter" in which Del attempts to charge at a red towel Lonnie is waving with the mounted, stuffed head of a deer. While charging at Lonnie at one point, Del trips over a bearskin rug, causing the antler of the deer to impale Del through the eye, and causing Del to die instantly from massive hemorrhaging, leaving Lonnie terrified
| Eye So Horny |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Eye Swallow
"Eye Swallow", Way to Die #623, is the second death featured in "Stupid Is As Death Does", which aired on March 29, 2011.
Plot.
A man named Chester has acrotomophilia, a sexual attraction to amputees. Chester hooks up with a woman named Devon, who lost her left arm in a car accident and also has a glass eye. After having an intense sex session, Devon leaves to take a shower, only to find Chester dead on the floor when she returns. It turns out that after Devon removed her glass eye, she placed it in a glass of water on the bedside. Chester, who was thirsty and exhausting, unknowingly drank the glass of water and choked to death on Devon's glass eye.
"After their exhausting stump-humping session, Chester was thirsty. He took a drink... and got a mouthful of eye candy."
Transcript.
Narrator: After their exhausting stump-humping session, Chester was thirsty. He took a drink... and got a mouthful of eye candy.
Narrator: Chester looked death straight at the eye, and then, swallowed it whole.
Alternative Description.
As seen on Spike TV's website
"A man chokes to death on the glass eye of his amputee lover"
| Eye Swallow |
fandom.1000waystodie | # F.U.V'd
| F.U.V'd |
fandom.1000waystodie | # F.U.v'd
"F.U.v'd", is Way to Die #248, is the third death to be featured in "A New App Called Death", which aired on April 2, 2012.
Plot.
Dr. Siraki is a sleazy sports doctor who, along with his patients, frequently use testosterone-boosting steroids. He also hates cyclists, and if he sees cyclists ride past him, he will start yelling at them even with no good reason that he loses focus on other things.
One day, on a dirt trail, he is forced to slow down for two cyclists. He gets impatient and repeatedly honks the horn and yells at them, until he runs them off of the road out of spite.
Siraki is so distracted in his rage and arrogance along with his wife yelling at him, that he fails to notice a flatbed truck carrying rods of rebar in front of his SUV. By the time Siraki sees the truck up ahead, even he knows it's way too late; before he could apply the brakes, he rear-ends the truck, causing a rod to go right through the windshield and impale his skull, tearing out his brain stem, shutting down his heart and lungs, this resulting in his death.
| F.U.v'd |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Face Offed
"Face-Offed", Way to Die #770, is the first death featured in "The Good, The Bad, and the Dead", which aired on March 8, 2009.
Plot.
Tracey, a Las Vegas showgirl, accidentally cuts herself while shaving her leg. Little does she know that her razor was infected with Group A Streptococcus. A few days later, Tracey has a look in the mirror and saw that her face has contracted a necrotizing fasciitis, to be less-blunt, "flesh-eating bacteria" that surfaces in a pimple. By the time she gets into a hospital bed, it was already too late; the infection causes septic shock and she slowly dies.
"A few days later, Tracey got a rude awakening..."
Transcript.
Narrator: Tracey was getting ready for another honest night's work. As a Las Vegas showgirl, her long shapely legs were her mil ticket. Working all night and sleeping most of the day didn't leave much time for Monday and tasks, like shopping.
Tracey: Ow!
Narrator: When Tracey cut herself with an old rusty razor blade, her death clock started ticking.
Narrator: The blade that cut her skin had a nasty bacteria on it called the Group A strep.
Dr. Greg Moran: It's the same kind of... bacteria, streptococcus that caused the strep throat. But there's certain strength that having particular toxin that makes them more prone to causing these necrotizing infections.
Narrator: A necrotizing infection, is just a fancy way to say flesh-eating disease.
Narrator: And a few days later, Tracey got a rude awakening...
Tracey: Oh my god...!! Oh, my face!! Holy crap...!
Dr. Greg Moran: This particular bacteria can progress very quickly. It can happen over a matter of hours. You can go from being perfectly healthy to having a limb threatening or even life-threatening infection.
Narrator: The bacteria travelled through the body and wound up breaking through a pimple. Eating its way across her face.
Narrator: By the time Tracey wound up in a hospital, it was already too late; the infection had spread throughout her body, causing septic shock. In the city that never sleeps,
Narrator: Tracey, the leggy show girl, went lights out.
| Face Offed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Falling Down On The Job
"Falling Down On The Job", Way to Die #63, is the sixth death to be featured in "Sudden Death", which aired on December 22, 2010.
Plot.
Mike, who is a lazy construction worker, needs to climb up the building. His technique is to use a counterweight as the "human elevator" to hoist himself up. However, the rope snaps when Mike is almost at the top and Mike falls to his death because the counterweight wasn't designed to carry a load like Mike. He dies from multiple fractures and hemorrhaging.
Transcript.
Mike: Hey, Jock! Lower that rope down.
-Narrator: Mike, was the good benefic son in Smith & son construction.<br>
-Mike: C'mon. Come on, give it to me.
Mike: I got a brilliant idea.
Narrator: When he wasn't annoying everyone he worked with,
Narrator: he was raising his level of laziness to new height.
Mike: Alright, bring me up.
Jock: Are you nut?
Narrator: Mike's latest jackoff move:
Mike: Pull me up, Jock!
Narrator: Hijacking the counterweight system use to hoist tools, and using it for his own personal elevator.
Dr. Vahe Ghazikhanian: According to Newtonian mechanics, basically if you have a pulley and you have two masses hanging from two ends.
Dr. Vahe Ghazikhanian: As the person starts moving up, the some of the forces is no longer zero. And that means the other side of the pulley is exerting force, so it's going down.
Mike: Come on.
Jock: Hurry up!
Mike: I'm tiring do all the hardwork here.
Narrator: But just as Mike was about to reach the top...
-Jock: Come on, Mike. You're almost there, bud.<br>
-Mike: Come on.
Mike: (SCREAMS)
Jock: OH! God! Oh!
Narrator: The counterweight wasn't designed to carry a load like Mike. Mike's weight + the weight of the bucket, was too much for the tensile strength of the rope.
Dr. Ramon Cestero: The construction worker pro experienced the number of injuries, as such as er... rib fractures, femur and fibular fractures, fracture pelvis as well,
Dr. Ramon Cestero: but the most likely due to significant brain hemorrhage.
Narrator: Mike was the boss' son who never put in an honest day of work in his life.
Mike: Little busy, here. Workin'.
Narrator: But don't worry...
Mike: Alright, bring me up.
Jock: Are you nut?
-Narrator: because Mike will never have to lift a finger...again...<br>
-Mike: (SCREAMS)
Segment Description.
Description as seen on the Spike TV website
| Falling Down On The Job |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fang Banged
"Fang Banged", Way to Die #92, is the third death to be featured in "Life Will Kill You", which aired on May 14, 2008.
Plot.
Darryl and Bobby Joe, a couple of rednecks, are playing with their shotguns. Darryl decides to scare Bobby Joe by firing his gun at him. After a few misses, Bobby Joe falls to the ground and dies. He had the unlucky fortune to fall on a rattlesnake, who bit and killed him. It was very quick, because the snake bit very close to his heart.
Transcript.
Narrator: What do you get when you mix a couple of good old boys, too many beers and a small arsenal firearms? Your basic: hillbilly holiday. But these guys got more than they bargained for. And the rules where there's 1000 Ways to Die, this one strikes you when you least expected.
-Bobby Joe: Yeaaah!! Haha!<br>
-Narrator: Bobby Joe & Darryl were 2 brothers looking to blow up some steam. What better way than to jumping your pickup truck, blow up a middle of nowhere, and shoot off some guns?
Narrator: Other than the brain-crippling hangover they were facing, nobody gets hurt and they get the days with a last.
Darryl: Haha.
Narrator: Things were going according the plan until Darryl decided to scare the fans off his little brother.
Bobby Joe: Jesus!! Help!! Jesus...!! Woah!
Narrator: Bobby Joe hit the ground and was dead within minutes.
Narrator: But not from a gunshot wound!
Narrator: Bobby had a bad luck to fall on top of a rattlesnake. Who dug his fang to Bobby's chest, and released his venom just above his heart.
Jules Sylvester: My name is Jules Sylvester, and this is not rattlesnake venom to kill over a dozen of people.
Jules Sylvester: 95% of people bitten by snakes, they're under 27 years old, they with the bodies, then a couple of beers and they think their heart stopped. And the snake says: "No, you're not. I'll kill ya." Ready? Say ah...
Jules Sylvester: Ungh... (Growls of pain to see the snake releases his venom) Jesus Christ... Very pissed off. See the drops there? That's 10 drops came out of one fang alone. All it takes is one drop going up your butt. The fangs are holler, just like a hyperdemic. And it's perfect designed. There'll go in, stab, squirt and pull hard, in a fresh of second and very very fast.
Narrator: Rattlesnake venom can cause major damage throughout the body, destroying tissue and the organs. And disrupts blood flooding. Severe envenomation combined with delayed or ineffective treatment, can lead to loss of a limp and ultimately death.
Interviewer: So, if you're a drunken redneck, and you spent the whole day out in the hot sun, drinking like, 12 beers, and shooting off guns, and you fall on a snake, and you basically just got bit, what do you think's going through your mind?
Jules Sylvester: Our father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name -- that's about it. Not gonna make it, mate. (Laughs)
| Fang Banged |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fansicle
"Fansicle", Way to Die #299 is the sixth death to be aired on "Stupid is as Stupid Dies" which aired on September 21, 2010.
Plot.
If you want to see the embodiment of football obsession, look no further than George. His commitment and loyalty to his team knew no bounds. He would show up hours before a game, covered in body paint matching his team's colors (blue & white), and get as drunk as a skunk. He was even more obnoxious when the game started. Unfortunately for George (who was shirtless, and only a pair of shorts covering his legs), an arctic cold front was arriving that day, and he was at great risk of Hypothermia. As the game progressed, George didn't notice what was happening internally; he only knew that he was really drunk. It was only when the game was about to end that George realized he was freezing. But, by then, he had lost the ability to speak. His body temperature dropped below 88 degrees, causing severe hypothermia. It also didn't help that he was drunk, which impeded his blood flow, and his fellow fans couldn't understand his cries for help. Also, due to the blue paint, nobody could see that he was "literally" turning blue. George's body got colder and colder as the low temperatures slowly froze his soul. Finally, with his skin ice-cold, every muscle immobile, his organs completely unable to function, with a morbid stare, George died, putting an end to this annoyingly selfish football fan once and for all.
"With the narcotic cold front moving in, today's game was going from the fridge to the freezer."
Transcript.
George: YOOOUUUUU SUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
George: OPEN YOUR EEEEEEYYYYYEEEEEES!!!
George: GIMME A HOT DOG!
Narrator: With the narcotic cold front moving in, today's game was going from the fridge to the freezer.
Narrator: There's nothing wrong with rooting for the home team.
George: Go Blue!
Narrator: But when fan turns to fanatic...
George: YOOOUUUUU SUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
Narrator: ...that's when trouble begins. George went from super, to stupor, to stiff. Now he's dead, now he's dead, REAL DEAD!
| Fansicle |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fat-ality
"Fat-ality", Way to Die #400, is the first death to be featured in "Putting A Smiley Face On Death", which aired on September 14, 2010.
Plot.
Dave is a vain, overweight slacker who dreams of becoming a professional bodybuilder, but has little motivation to work out and lose weight. Dave decides to get liposuction as a shortcut to exercise, but was unable to afford it. So, he decided to recruit his equally moronic friend Johnny, to perform a D.I.Y. liposuction. Using a can of freeze spray and painkillers for anesthesia and a garage vacuum for a cannula, Dave prepares for the liposuction. Johnny makes a crude incision into Dave's stomach and slides the cruder hose inside of the incision and turns the vacuum on. For a minute they thought their crazy plan was actually going to work, but then...things very quickly turned south when Johnny had unknowingly and mistakenly latched the hose onto a piece of Dave's intestines, as he screams for Johnny to turn the vacuum off as it began sucking the very life out of Johnny's dumb fat friend.
By the time Johnny can switch off the shop vac and pull the plug, the vacuum had sucked up enough of Dave's intestines to cause blood loss, shock and death.
Transcript.
Narrator: Dave had a dream:
Narrator: He wanted to look his carp and cut as a professional bodybuilder. The problem was:
Narrator: Dave was as lazy as he was vain. Following the path of least persistence, Dave came up with a shortcut: (Echo) Liposuction. There was no way Dave could afford a real plastic surgeon.
Narrator: His solution:
Narrator: Do it himself. But he needed help.
Dave: Johnny.
Dave: What's up, boss?
Johnny: Dave, how are you, buddy?
Dave: I'm good, yourself?
Johnny: I'm good, man.
Narrator: Best friend, Johnny was the loyal to a fault, do anything you ask, follow you anywhere kind of friend.
Dave: So if we just make incisions, little incisions...
Johnny: I'll do it.
Dave: Yeah, I knew you would! Nice!
Narrator: With less than half a brain between 'em, they came up with a half-assed plan.
Narrator: For anesthesia, some freeze spray.
Dave: My arms already numb.
Narrator: And a hand full of painkillers. For the important sucking power: a garage vacuum.
Johnny: Oh! Hey!
Johnny: You sure you want me to do this?
Dave: DO IT!
Narrator: Dr. Johnny made a crude incision. Stuck even cruder tube into Dave's stomach.
Narrator: And hit the switch.
Johnny: It's working! Hold still! Oh! I'm getting fat!
Narrator: Dave's vacuum could suck 210 cubic feet of air per minute. A normal house vacuum, is in the 30 to 40 range. Typical liposuction motor has a CFM rating of only 3.
Johnny: I don't know, man.
Dave: Make sure it's even.
Johnny: This isn't right.
Dave: Then suck even!!
Johnny: It's eaten!
Narrator: For a minute, it looked like their crazy plan was going to work.
Dave: God!
Johnny: Hold still! Woah!!
Narrator: But then, the fat hit the fan.
Dave: What-!?
-Narrator: Johnny mistakenly locked onto a piece of Dave's intestines,<br>
-Dave: What the hell's that!!??
-Johnny: Oh, dude! No!! What the fu-?!<br>
-Narrator: and began sucking the life out of his dumb friend.
Dave: John, you idiot!!
Dave: (Inside of the garage) Pull it out!! Turn it off!!
-Johnny: Hold still!!<br>
-Dave: Turn it off!!!
Narrator: Before he could pull the plug,
Johnny: Oh!
Narrator: Johnny had sucked enough of Dave's guts to turn him from a fatty...
Narrator: into a fatality.
Dr. Julie Edween: A cannula is a hollitude instrument designed to go right underneath the skin, to suction at the fat self.
Dr. Julie Edween: In this case, he used a full-strength industrial vacuum hose which pierced the skin, the fat selves,
Dr. Julie Edween: the muscle air and through abdominal cavity, causing the intestines to suck up onto the cannula,
Dr. Julie Edween: causing blood loss, shock and death.
Narrator: It's not hard to figure out liposuction in your own garage is not a good idea.
Dave: John, you idiot!!
Narrator: Dave didn't have a lot of brains, but he sure had a lot of guts!
| Fat-ality |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fat Man In A Little Swing
"Fat Man In A Little Swing", Way to Die #141, is the second death featured in "Enter the Ferret", which aired on March 12, 2012.
Plot.
A drunk, morbidly obese man named Fred bets his buddies that he can get into a baby swing at a playground. After he strips naked and lubes himself up, he squeezes into the swing, but gets stuck and his buddies leave him in the swing for the night. Fred tries to scream for help, but no one comes to his aid. Due to how extremely tight the baby swing is fitted around his waist, Fred got stuck and dies from sepsis due to a ruptured appendix.
Transcript.
Narrator: Fred struggled, but it was no use. The baby swing was literally squeezing the life out of him.
Narrator: Fred stuffed his blubber into a baby swing, and won his bet. But in the end, he was the biggest...loser.
| Fat Man In A Little Swing |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fatal Distractions
Fatal Distractions.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 29.
Originally aired October 5, 2010.
Title reference: Spoofs the Animal Planet TV series "Fatal Attractions".
-- This is the Original Episode --
Golden Die-Angle.
Way to Die #507
On April 8, 1996, in Laos. A drug lord with a penchant for decapitating trespassers with a machete receives a call from somebody that a few trespassers are stealing from his poppy fields. He mounts his ATV and chases after them. While the two wannabe drug smugglers hide, the man tries to track them down, forgetting about a barbed wire that he set up/install as a security measure. The man ends up hits the barbed wire at high speed and he is ultimately decapitated and accidentally killed by his own trap. However, his severed head end up rolling and falls on the ground, horrifying and presumably scaring away the two wannabe drug smugglers.
Alt names - Four By Gore
Clay Achin'.
Way to Die #243
On June 3, 2006, in Astoria, OR. Two stoners create a clay bong that uses flavored disks to make the marijuana smoke taste like different foods. They contact a friend with a homemade kiln. After some time, they check on the progress of the bong. After seeing that the kiln has gone out, the stoners drop a lighter into it. The lit match ignites the propane gas inside, causing an explosion which turns the clay into deadly shrapnel, killing them.
Death of Sum Young Guy.
Way to Die #159
On January 19, 2009, in San Diego, CA. A gluttonous man arrives at a Chinese restaurant for an all-you-can-eat restaurant. After already eating at other restaurants (and nearly choking to death at the current restaurant), he suffers a heart attack from the MSG that accumulated in his system from nothing but a steady diet of Chinese buffet food.
Alt names - All He Could Eat
Crib Your Enthusiasm.
Way to Die #239
On September 12, 2009, in Redwood City, CA. A couple who enjoy baby-mother roleplaying build a full nursery, complete with an adult-sized drop-gate crib. During one session, the wife leaves for a brief break, resulting in her husband throwing a tantrum. Accidentally throwing his teddy bear out of the crib, the man reaches through the bars to try to grab it. He shakes the crib with enough force to unlock the gate, which falls and severs the man's vertebrae, causing him to die of asphyxiation.
Alt names - Baby Boom
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "".
Turtle Waxed.
Way to Die #929
On August 17, 2010, at Mojave National Park. An animal poaching married couple named Mr. Cho and Mrs. Cho attempt to find rare animals to sell on the wildlife black market. They spot a rare, endangered turtle, and her husband attempts to capture it. However, before he can grab the turtle, a bald eagle swoops down out of nowhere and managed to snatches it before he could have a chance to grab it. The bald eagle purposely drops the turtle from a high altitude to break its shell, but it lands on Mr. Cho's head, breaking through his skull and sending him into cardiac arrest, leaving his now-widowed wife Mrs. Cho horrified and screaming in horror over her husband's death. On the bright side, the turtle survives.
Alt names - Turtle Shelled
Potty Mouth.
Way to Die #282
On July 21, 2008, in Spokane, WA. A geophagic executive of a failing loan office reaches the point where she has to eat her neighbor's organic soil to manage her anxiety, unknowingly consuming a mixture of compost and her neighbor's own feces. She ends up contracting a virulent strain of E. coli and she contracts severe diarrhea and nausea (which she brushes off as a harmless stomach flu). After three days, the E. coli bacteria spreads throughout the woman's body, poisoning and eventually killing her.
Alt names - Dirt Eater
Die-Brator.
Way to Die #342
On May 1, 1998, in San Francisco, CA. After a seminar, a misandristic, sociopathic leader of a fringe feminist party (notorious for their sexually violent crimes against men) returns home to find a vibrator from her lesbian lover, unaware that it's really a 1000-kilovolt taser that resembles a vibrator. After inserting it into herself and activating it, the taser electrocutes the feminist, causing cardiac arrest and kills her.
Alt names - Pink Tingler
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Fatal Distractions |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fatally Gourd
"Fatally Gourd", Way to Die #870, is the seventh and last death featured in "The One About Dumb People Dying", which aired on February 8, 2011.
Plot.
Dwayne and his buddies go pumpkin chunking using a homemade pumpkin cannon at his farm. Meanwhile, another man named Luther is stealing pumpkins from the farm across to sell on the black market. However, Luther chose the wrong farm to pick pumpkins, or at the very least, a very, VERY bad time to pick pumpkins from Dwayne's farm, as he was right in the middle of the shooting range. Luther ducks down and avoids the first few shots but just as he stands up to make his escape, one of the pumpkins from the cannon makes contact with Luther, and the stem of the pumpkin impales his heart, killing him instantly.
| Fatally Gourd |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fecal Attraction
"Fecal Attraction", Way to Die #330, is the seventh death to be featured in "Hurry Up and Die", which aired on October 26, 2010.
Plot.
Cedric (Alex Maskell), a rock star (who looks like Keith Richards) and notorious drug addict, freaks out when he runs out of drugs and his band gets stranded in a dry town, until one of his roadies suggests that he try jenkem, which is when you get high off the fumes from fecal matter. When Cedric is no longer able to defecate, he finds a port-a-potty, sticks his head in, and gets high, but suffers from a brownout and loses consciousness. Because his head is still in the toilet, he asphyxiates from lack of oxygen and excess of methane gas to his hemoglobin.
Transcript.
Narrator: The moral of the story? Never get high on your own supply.
| Fecal Attraction |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fiddle Licked
Fiddle Licked, Way to Die #889, is the third death to be featured in "Dead on Dead", which aired on February 24, 2010.
Plot.
Steven and Miranda were out on a date. A little bit of music, some food and drinks, it made a nice picture. But, it was a lie. Steven's real name is Abdullah Muhammad Yassin and he was on the CIA's most wanted terrorist list. Abdul had cut a path of death and destruction across the Middle East and Europe. Now he had sneaked into the US and was planning something big. Miranda thought her new lover boy was just a rug salesman.
But the plot thickens. A violinist on the trail was not who she seemed to be either. Anna was a trained CIA assassin. She was here in spy talk to neutralize her target, in plain English; to make Abdullah dead. To accomplish her mission, Anna was given a top secret cutting edge piece of technology called "a plasma laser rifle". The rifle was rigged to fire from inside the violin case. Anna waited for the right moment.
While the audience applauded and Abdullah plotted, she pulled the trigger and the concentrated bolt of gamma rays made its way into the evil terrorist's brain, causing thermal damage in the process, melting his brain, killing him, much to the horror of Miranda and the relief of Anna, who's satisfied because she has completed her mission.
Transcript.
Narrator: In the undercover world of spy versus spy, you can pretend to be someone you're not. But in the end, the one with the best toys wins.
| Fiddle Licked |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fin-Ished
| Fin-Ished |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fin-ished
"Fin-ished", Way to Die #963, is the fifth death to be featured in "The Good, The Bad, and the Dead", which aired on March 8, 2009.
Plot.
Kathy is a sexy girl who enjoys fishing. She gets a bite on her line and gives it a mighty heave. Kate's mouth opens as she stands there impressed watching the fish fly through the air. It comes down and lodges itself into her open mouth and goes deep down her throat. As she attempts to pull it out, its razor sharp scales tear the inside of her throat. Unable to, Kathy chokes to death.
"What happened next makes this fish tale one for the books..."
Transcript.
Narrator: What happened next makes this fish tale one for the books...
Narrator: In the end, Kathy was the one that got away.
| Fin-ished |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fire In The Hole
"Fire In The Hole", Way to Die #804, is the first death featured in "Wait, Don't Tell Me – You're Dead", which aired on August 15, 2011.
Plot.
Casper was the leader of a Neo-Nazi party known as "The Brotherhood". Recently he heard a rumor that his fellow prisoners would make an attempt on his life. So, he begins attempting to break out of prison. He calls his subordinate from the Neo-Nazi party and the most idiot of the Neo-Nazi Party, Darren, to get arrested and help him break out. What the guards did not know was that
"Darren, had hidden a hand grenade, deep up his anal canal!"
Casper's plan was to threaten the guards with the grenade and run out of the prison. An officer puts Darren in the same cell as Casper, calling him a "bitch" before closing the door. But Darren couldn't push it out his anus. So Casper put on some prostate gloves and reached deep into Darren's rectum and accidentally pulls out just the pin.
"...And Casper's Neo-Nazi party was over."
The grenade exploded inside Darren's rectum, expelling his bladder and all of his intestines, tearing his venae cavae, aorta and other major blood vessels apart, and shattering all pelvic bones. Since Casper was too close to the explosion, it took him out as well, shattering his skull open and causing instant death, sending the Neo-Nazi prisoner straight to Hell, ending his Neo-Nazi party and ending his escape mission as a failure. A bloody, gory mess is left inside the prison cell.
Quotes.
""You ready to stand up for The Brotherhood?" -Casper on the phone with Darren."
""White powder!" -Darren being an idiot."
""DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!" -One of the officers after Darren looks at him."
""Here's your bitch!" -Another one of the officers after bringing Darren to his cell where Casper is."
""GET THAT THING OUTTA THERE!!!" -Casper after realizing Darren has a hand grenade in his ass."
""Let's party!" -Casper right before removing Darren's hand grenade with HIS OWN HANDS."
| Fire In The Hole |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Flame Retard-Ant
| Flame Retard-Ant |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Flame Retard-ant
"Flame Retard-ant", Way to Die #205, is the fourth death to be aired on "Better Them Than Us" which aired on March 16, 2011.
Plot.
Richard was a pyromaniac with an intense addiction to fire. The sense of personal property was all lost on this freak as he usually torched his neighbors' trash cans. One day, he went out into the woods and waited for a camping couple to leave their tent unattended before he doused it in lighter fluid and set it ablaze. Afterwards, he wanted to take it to the next level. He was about to set fire to a tree (possibly with the intention of causing a forest fire), but he didn't realize at first that he accidentally got some lighter fluid on his pants. When he lit the tree up, he also went up in smoke. He flails in anquish as the flames tarnish his body, then jumps into a nearby creek. Despite the seemingly obvious result, Richard did not burn to death. When he was on fire, he suffered third-degree burns that burned all the way into his bones and cartilage. His joints, muscles, and bones melted and fused together, rendering him completely paralyzed. With this factor, Richard was unable to crawl out of the creek, and water seeped into his nose and mouth, resulting in him drowning.
Transcript.
Narrator: Richard wasn't your typical hiker. He was a lonely guy who went into the woods to relieve some tension. But he didn't get off on peeping on kids making out.
Teens: (Giggle)
Narrator: Richard was a pyromaniac.
Dr. Marc Kern: Pyromania is considered an impulse control disorder. It is about letting go of stress inside. Arson on the other hand, is just for, perhaps monetary gains. So it's a very different phenomena. Pyromania is about the rush. Often with a very strong sexual sort of release involved.
Narrator: Richard usually fed his compulsive perversion by torching his neighbors' trash cans.
Richard: Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Narrator: Now he was looking to make it to the next level.
Narrator: But Richard wasn't just a pyromaniac. He was a total doofus.
Narrator: He accidentally got some lighter fluid on his pants.
Narrator: And when the tree went up,
Narrator: So did Richard. And here's the kicker:
Narrator: The fire burned him, "but" that's not what killed him.
-Richard: (Howie scream)<br>
-Dr. Bal Raj: With severe 3rd degree burns, this extreme heat will cause your cartilage to melt. And your joints will fuse.
Dr. Bal Raj: As he jumped into the cold water, he went into shock and became immediately confused. With all of these factors, he would not be able to save himself. And therefore he'd drown from his injuries...
Narrator: Richard's career as a pyro really caught fire,
Richard: Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Narrator: but then, he couldn't take the heat
Narrator: and finally...
Richard: (Screams)
Narrator: he went under.
| Flame Retard-ant |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Florida
| Florida |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Football in the Groin
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| Football in the Groin |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fore Head
"Fore Head", Way To Die #479, is the fifth death to be featured in "Come On, Get Deathy", which aired on January 20, 2010.
Plot.
A thief named Dickie hides behind a "Virtual Golf" display in an arcade to wait for closing time. Bored and impatient, he cuts a hole in the display screen to see outside and, as he is looking, someone hits a golf ball into the screen, which strikes Dickie in the forehead, fracturing his skull and killing him instantly, putting an end to his plans before they even began.
Transcript.
Narrator: Most people play by the rules and think living a life of crime would be a bad idea. Then there's Dickie. He lives on the outside of society, stealing whatever isn't tying down. The video arcade was right for his picky.
Gene Peterson: A lot of people involve in crime; they get the thrill out of it. It's seemed threaten or rush. They rationalized that stealing, taking things from people is- is not a bad thing.
Narrator: Looking for a place to hide until the closing time, Dickie wound up behind the virtual golf game.
Narrator: Nobody would accuse Dickie of being overly bright. In fact, this guy was all knuckle and no head.
Narrator: While waiting for everyone to clear out, he got restless. He cut a hole in a projection screen, to see how things were going.
Narrator: At this point, you should be saying to yourself: "Well, that's a stupid idea..." Fore!
Dr. DJ Green: For small object just traveling at terminal velocity, you can act just like a bullet.
Dr. DJ Green: There maybe bleeding from a skull fracture, which result in a brain being compressed inside the skull, if the brain gets pushed down the canal where the spinal cord comes out, and that results a brain death.
Narrator: A golf ball can go for 200 miles per hour,
Narrator: with enough force to break someone's skull and kill them. That is, if they were stupid enough to get in its way. Dick...ie.
Voice: Game over.
| Fore Head |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Forked-Up
"Forked-Up", Way to Die #714, is the second death to be featured in "Death On Arrival", which aired on December 6, 2009.
Plot.
Two very lazy workers named Bernie and Cesar, decided to get high at work. Marijuana for breakfast. One morning, they get so high Cesar decides to drive a forklift around while Bernie is tied behind on a scooter with rope tied around his waist. Unknowingly the rope gets stuck under a car wheel. Cesar doesn't notice because he is listening to music. The rope tightens harder and harder around Bernie's waist and eventually he is sliced in half like a birthday cake, exposing his intestines. Cesar eventually notices the corpse's upper half, much to his horror.
Now you know why work and play don't mix.
Transcript.
Narrator: Many in the modern-day work for start off each day with the healthy bowl of...
Narrator: high grated marijuana.
Cesar: (Coughs)
Narrator: For Bernie & Cesar, this was their "breakfast" of champions.
Cesar: Wow.
Narrator: But when some workers get high on the job, they don't work...
Bernie: Woooooo!
Narrator: They play.
Bernie: YEEEAAAAAHH! (Laughs) Woooohoooo!
Narrator: A rope and a forklift, as all these 2 need to get laidly.
Bernie: YEEEAAAAAHH! (Laughs)
Narrator: While Cesar was digging his latest mixtape, the rope stopped.
Bernie: (Moans)
Narrator: The forklift didn't.
Narrator: And Bernie, was caught in the middle.
Cesar: (SCREAMS)
Dr. Dale Prokupek: If somebody has a rope around their torso and the force is so great that you actually severe your torso, all the gash and tesprocontens are just ran out and fly everywhere,
Dr. Dale Prokupek: ...so all the picromatter, all the intestinal juices, all the half-digested food, you gonna have about 70 gallons...of gog. Just splattering everywhere.
Bernie: (Coughs) Woooooo!
Narrator: Bernie and Cesar thought getting high at work was fun.
Bernie: (Moans)
Narrator: What do you think now, Bernie?
| Forked-Up |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Found D-eat
"Found D-eat", Way to Die #256, is the seventh Segment in "The Good, The Bad, and the Dead" which aired on March 8, 2009.
Plot.
Wendy Fisherman, along with other women, is a member of a church and on the way to find peace. The leader of the group in which they're in tells Wendy, nicknamed Sister Sunbeam, to enter the water and meet "Brother Alligator" in order for Wendy to find peace. The Alligator take this as an opportunity to feed on Wendy and drags her underwater, where she drowns and devoured by the Alligator, sending her to the place where God wanted her by her side, much to the disgust of the other women.
"Sister Sunbeam is now with God. He wanted her by his side."
| Found D-eat |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Franklin Ruehl
Franklin Ruehl (born 1950 — November 2015) was an American actor, ufologist and cryptozoologist. He has appeared on such shows as Jimmy Kimmel Live!, The Roseanne Show and Tom Green Live among others. He also appeared in the TV Series "1000 Ways to Die" as an interviewee who appeared has cameos.
Movies.
Write the second section of your page here.
| Franklin Ruehl |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Freak Death
| Freak Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Freeze Died
"Freeze Died", Way to Die #293, is the first death to be featured in "Hard Lives, Easy Deaths", which aired on May 21, 2008.
Plot.
A man named Billy DeMayo (aka "South" Philly Billy), who works for the Mob, has been locked inside a meat freezer at the mob's butcher shop. Some say that meat lockers like these can be slammed shut to prank any butcher like Philly Billy. But when he was locked inside it was no prank. Billy's body temperature starts out at 98.6 but once the CGI graphics are shown after the door slammed shut, it started decreasing. The graphics also show how long he has been in the locker. With nobody able to hear him, he dies of hypothermia, sending him straight to Hell. Right before he dies, he thinks about why he's been locked in, which was for stealing some cuts of meat from work and getting his boss's 17-year-old granddaughter pregnant.
"There's an old Italian proverb, which says 'Revenge is a dish best served cold.' Rest in Peace, South Philly Billy.""
Transcript.
Narrator: Billy DeMayo is a few short breathes away from freezing to death. Many of us think: Not a bad way to go. It's like falling asleep. If poor Billy here could talk, he tell you a different story.
Narrator: South Philly Billy, that's what everybody called him. He got his job in a meat pack industry to a mob connected cousin. It was a sweet deal. And unlike his co-workers, the cold never bothered Billy. The temperature inside the meat locker is capted up bone chilling 10 degrees below 0. Sometimes as a prank, a worker would be locked inside for a minute or 2.
Narrator: But when it happened to Billy,
Narrator: it was no joke.
Billy: Hey! Guys, the door's jammed! HEY!!
Billy: JAY!!!
Narrator: Billy's body temperature starts out at a normal 98.6 degrees. But when that freezer door slam shot, his death clock started ticking.
Narrator: Time and temperature were now, his enemies. After 10 minutes, the palms on Billy's hands are down to 60 degrees. Anyone who's ever been out too long in a cold without loves knows one thing: it hurts like hell.
Narrator: Capillaries in the surfaces of the hands constrict. Causing blood to retreat deeper into the torso to keep vitole organs functioning. This response to severe cold is one of our building defense mechanisms. The human body will sacrifice...
Narrator: ...its own toes, fingers, hands and feet to frostbite. In order to ensure survival.
Narrator: 17 minutes in the freezer, and Billy's core temperature has dropped to 97 degrees. This triggers a major reaction.
Narrator: Deep inside his brain, the has detected the temperature drop. And orders the constriction of the entire web of surface capillaries. His warming body blood is now in full retreat.
Narrator: Hypothermia, which means a lack of heat, begins to set in when the body's core temperature deeps below 95 degrees. It continues to fall about one degree every half hour.
Billy: (Coughs)
Narrator: Billy's core temperature has fallen below 90 degrees, and his eyesight has begun to fail. Such simple things as the numbers on the watch become gibberish. The victim has crossed the border into a medical condition called profound hypothermia.
Narrator: Billy's blood thickens it slows, reducing his ability to burn oxygen. His nerve tissue is getting too cold to transmit electric impulses. Causing his heart to beat erratically.
Narrator: Right before Billy's heart stops forever, a pang of consciousness breaks through the ice. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to smuggle sides of beef of the backdoor.
Narrator: And a really bad idea to have gotten a boss's 17-year-old granddaughter pregnant.
Billy: HEY!!
Narrator: There's an old Italian proverb,
Narrator: which says 'Revenge is a dish best served cold.' Rest in Peace, South Philly Billy.
| Freeze Died |
fandom.1000waystodie | # French Connection
| French Connection |
fandom.1000waystodie | # French Fried
"French Fried", Way to Die #105, the fifth death to be featured in "Death Bites!", which has been aired on December 9, 2009.
Plot.
Claude, a dying elderly man, was almost climaxing but the only thing keeping him alive was a respirator and his French Maid, Fifi. Then she performs a striptease to get him off as an early Christmas gift.. She then wrapped Christmas lights 'round herself (which resembled an Xmas elf). Claude's respirator warned him about cardiac overload. Then she climbed right on him. Claude was getting nervous as his heart was beating. Sleigh bells were ringing in Claude's ear. Then as Claude went lights out, the lights went out as well. When the "maid" plugged in the lights, Claude's house couldn't take that much electricity.
Before he went lights out, the lights went out.
Much to her horror after seeing Claude dead. His respirator short-circuited and he died, thus sending him to Heaven.
"Claude was already rolling down death's highway.He just took...an early exit."
| French Fried |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Frequent Dier
"Frequent Dier", Way to Die #95, is the fifth death to be featured in "Killing Them Softly", which aired on March 9, 2011.
Plot.
Darren and Bernice, an exhibitionist couple on an airplane flight decide to join the Mile High Club after being told by the stewardess that they cannot have sex in front of the other passengers. While the couple try to get in a comfortable position in the cramped bathroom, the plane hits some turbulence and the seatbelt light turns on.
The two are then thrown violently around the bathroom, as their heads slammed into the ceiling, Darren's neck shattered, and Bernice's brain rattled around her skull cavity like a punched-out boxer's. They both die instantly, much to the horror of the stewardess by the time she opens the door.
| Frequent Dier |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Frightmare
"Frightmare", Way to Die #818, is the second death to be featured in "Death Over Easy", which aired on February 8, 2009.
Plot.
A woman named Alexi (Tara Gerard) suffers from SUNDS, which stands for Sudden Unexpected Nocturnal Death Syndrome (aka Nightmare Syndrome), and dies in her sleep from cardiac arrhythmia, brought on by an intense nightmare about a demonic dwarf strangling her that she could not wake up from.
"She died in her sleep. Cause of death: Heart attack."
Transcript.
Narrator: Alexi had a kind of looks any guy or gal who would kill for.
Narrator: But she treaded all in for something most tech for granted: A goodnight sleep.
Narrator: But every night she would have the same nightmare.
Narrator: A creature would appear and try to suffocate her.
Dwarf: (Barks)
Narrator: This type of recuring nightmare is called SUNDS. . It involves a nocturnal visit of an evil being, that threatens to press the very life out of the dreamer. Since 1977, more than a hundred have died from this mysterious sleep disorder.
Alexi: No...
-Narrator: If you're flying on Alexi's role, you would see the bizzare sight of this beautiful woman.<br>
-Alexi: (Moans of fear) NO...!!
-Narrator: Alonging her bed, being violently choked in freshed with an inch of her life.<br>
-Alexi: (MOANS OF PAIN)
-Narrator: But it was nothing but the baddest of bad dream.<br>
-Alexi: (Moans of cry)
Narrator: Unable to wake up, Alexi was being frightened to the point where her heart was beating erraticaly. A fatal condition called .
Dwarf: (Growls)
Narrator: The fiendest little person, Satan her chefs, wrapped his tiny little hands around the throat, and squeezed with all his might.
Narrator: She died in her sleep. Cause of death: Heart attack.
Narrator: They say if you die in a dream, you die for real.
Dwarf: (Barks)
Narrator: We can only ask Alexi if it was true, but she never woke up from her...Frightmare. Maybe we should ask the dwarf.
| Frightmare |
fandom.1000waystodie | # From Alligators to Crocodiles
| From Alligators to Crocodiles |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Frost-dead
"Frost-dead", Way to Die #293, is the second death to be featured in "", which has been originally aired on August 29, 2011.
Plot.
John was a scheming and arrogant cryo-preservation fake company, who has been known to inject standard anti-freeze into his clients instead of the usual preservation material to prevent freeze damage by the simple reason to save money. He dies after breathing in pure nitrogen gas from a tube that had come loose from a cryogenic tank he had failed to fix when he open the liquid nitrogen tank.
Transcript.
John's Associate: So, who is this guy?
John: "Who is this guy?"? Who cares?
Narrator: This guy is Warren. And he's dead. Before he died, Warren signed very expensive contract with John to keep his corpse frozen in a procedure called cryogenics.
John: It's 25 of front and 10 grand every year he's with us.
Allan Weiner: is the signs that are addresses the production in effects of incredibly cold temperature. Many human's cells and tissues are cryogenically stored, like and sperm. Although these tissues and cells are viable when thought. The science to thought in revitalize in entire human is not even close to been discovered.
Narrator: There is absolutely no guarantee that a corpse can be fought out. At a future time, when medicine has advanced enough to cure whatever killed you. And that's, add a legitimate cryo-clinic.
John: Alright. Let's drain this sucker.
Narrator: John's operation is a total scam. Normally, an expensive cryoprotect rant is injected into a corpse to prevent freezing damage to body tissue. John just used common anti-freeze.
John: Let's top this sucker off.
John: Alright. Let's get this stick in the ice box.
Narrator: It'll be a cold vein hell before anyone could wake up and survive that procedure.
John: Man, I am starving. Won't you go get us some tacos?
John's Associate: Alrighty.
Narrator: In case any family members came by the check, John did one thing by the cryogenic book: He used liquid nitrogen to keep the...
Narrator: ...body to froze.
Narrator: But John was a bothering fool.
Narrator: Breathing in pure nitrogen gas was a good way to become one of his own clients.
Dr. Vyshali Rao: If we were to breath 100% nitrogen, most of the time, the body wouldn't notice any difference. Hypoxia would result. Hypoxia's a lack of oxygen to the vital organs. Death would ensue in 3 to 5 minutes.
Narrator: If anyone deserved to die, it was John.
Narrator: He promised immortality, but made sure that his clients would wake up dead.
Narrator: That's pretty damn cold...
Narrator: don't you think?
Alternative Description.
Description as seen on Spike TV (now Paramount Network) website
"A disgruntled technician at a cryogenics facility abuses the frozen body parts of clients during the graveyard shift until he breaks some vials of liquid nitrogen and dies of nitrogen asphyxiation."
Alternative Name.
Also known as "Freeze Died" on Spike TV (now Paramount Network) website
| Frost-dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Frost Dead
| Frost Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Funny Boned
"Funny Boned", Way to Die #302, is the second death to be featured in "I See Dead People (And They're Cracking Me Up)", which aired on April 5, 2009.
Plot.
Chuck was an easy amuser of jokes told to him. One day, while at a bar, his friend told a joke so funny that Chuck couldn't stop laughing over. Even after leaving the bar later that night, and coming back the next morning, he still couldn't stop laughing. He laughed for thirty-six hours straight so hard that his heart couldn't take the strain and gave out. He literally died of laughter, per se. Then went to the heaven with laughter.
"In the end, Chuck got the last laugh, and it killed him."
| Funny Boned |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Fur Burger
"Fur Burger", Way to Die #112, is the fifth and last death to be featured in "Hard Lives, Easy Deaths", which aired on May 21, 2008.
Plot.
Back in the Second century, if you were to incur the wrath of your tribal leaders, then you would be executed. One method of execution is that the victim had to wear a fur coat, be tied around a tree and then get eaten alive by whatever comes his/her way (in this case a flock of vultures.)
Transcript.
Narrator: We've watched stories of folks who died accidentally, tragically or just through plain stupidity.
Narrator: But when we take each other out, death becomes even more gruesome.
Narrator: That brings us to our next story. Any married man out there knows what it's like to be pecked to death. Back in the 2nd century, it had a different meaning.
Narrator: Let's say you're the guy with the beard and the bad fur coat, and you had incurred the wrath of the tribal leaders. Here's what will happen: they would wrap you up in a freshly killed animal skin, and then, take you out in the forest and leave you tied to a tree. What happens next would depend on whatever carnivores were around.
Narrator: Most likely vultures will quickly pick up the scent,
Narrator: and descend upon you like a fat kid on a Happy Meal. Their razor sharp beaks would tear you apart, while you would helplessly watch yourself get eaten alive.
Man: (Screams)
Narrator: Those were the days.
| Fur Burger |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Furdered
"Furdered", Way to Die #61, is the third death to be featured in "Death Puts On a Dunce Cap", which aired on November 2, 2010.
Plot.
Three possibles scenarios in how the victim will die are explored: Henry, a hunter in the Michigan wilderness dressed in an animal pelt, travels through the forest.
1. He falls into the spike pit he built earlier. However, that's not what happens. He almost falls into the trap, but he doesn't lose his footing.
2. He falls face first into an animal trap. But that's not what happens either. He falls inches away from the animal trap after tripping.
3. He gets shot by another hunter who mistakes him for an animal because he wore the fur of the animals that Henry hunted when he drinks some water from a river stream. The bullet enters Henry's neck and exits his hip, and he bleeds to death.
| Furdered |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Game Stopped
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"Game Stopped", Way to Die #126, "(also alternatively titled as "Game Over")" is the fifth death featured in the episode "Stupid Is As Death Does", which aired on March 29, 2011.
Plot.
There's a reason why video games make more money than movies: they're as addictive as crack. Garth was a sociopathic, egotistical, and mean-spirited video game addict whose only reality was virtual. He spent most of his time playing video games and so little time doing anything else, even going to the bathroom and sleeping. During hours of gameplay, he eats streams of junk food, such as large amounts of pizza and chugs down plenty of soft drinks and not much water in order to keep up.
Body sores and pus pockets began to appear after 52 hours, due to his improper diet and neglected hygiene. He had just beaten many new players of the game, except for Tina. If Garth could beat Tina, he would be highest ranked player in the world. Somehow Tina remained cool as a cucumber while Garth looked like a big zit that was about to burst. Finally, at the last second, Tina defeated him, celebrating her victory. Frustrated and furious over his loss, Garth stood up, ready to break the TV...
"After 60 straight hours of nonstop gaming, Garth stood up, and dropped, like someone had just pulled the plug on his avatar. Garth was a goner."
"STUPID GIRL!!!" -Garth's last words before the avatar pulls his plug.
Unbeknownst to Garth, blood clots had formed in his leg veins from being sedentary for so long that they had moved into his heart and lungs when he got up. In just a single minute, enough of the clots reached his heart and lungs, stopping them both in their tracks, and causing Garth to die, sending this slovenly and misanthropic addict to hell, but more importantly, on a one-way trip to reality.
Transcript.
Narrator:
Narrator: Garth didn't wanna miss one second of the action.
Pizza Deliver: Pizza delivery.
Garth: Yeah, yeah. Put on my tab.
Narrator: He had a steady stream of junk food delivered.
Narrator: And for his bathroom needs, an empty bottle took care of number 1, and a specially-designed bucket seat took care of what came out the other hand.
Narrator: After 52 hours, Garth's bad diet and worse hygiene produced body sores, but he didn't care.
Narrator: After 60 straight hours of nonstop gaming, Garth stood up,
Garth: You stupid girl!!
Narrator: and dropped, like someone had just pulled the plug on his avatar.
Narrator: Garth was a goner.
Dr. Boyd Flinders: Our video game player sat for such a long time and developed such massive clots in his veins and in his legs that when he stood up,
Narrator: Garth ruined his health and sacrificed his life by living in a virtual fantasy world.
Garth: You stupid girl!!
Narrator: Too bad his wake-up call...
Narrator: was his own death. Game over... Garth.
Alternative Description.
As seen on Spike TV's website
"A slovenly video gamer participates in a marathon championship gaming tournament but the lack of sleep and nourishment causes fatal heart failure."
| Game Stopped |
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