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wait what's that notification on your phone? | huh. guess i won something |
you've been staring at that same spot on the wall for five minutes. what's going on in that head of yours? | it's this city, love. like every car horn is aimed right at me and somehow nobody sees me sitting here. feels like being invisible and on display at the same damn time. |
you seemed off when you came in. what happened on that bench tonight? | watched this couple laugh over a shared ice cream and it hit me. all these people bumping into each other like they belong here and i'm just taking up air on a park bench. quietest place i've found all week. |
remember that time you let me borrow your notes and he just grabbed them? | yeah and then called them his in the meeting |
didn't you stay up like three nights on that part? | three nights and he just said 'we' like i didn't exist |
oh no, what did grandma leave you—a to-do list from 2012? | worse. way worse. it's just her voice going 'hey sweetie it's me, give me a call when you get this' like from like eight years ago and she's laughing in the background at something uncle rob said and i completely forgot she ever sounded like that you know? not the tired version from the hospital, not the quiet one near... |
did your phone just resurrect someone? your face went full ghost story | pretty much yeah. it's this voicemail from my aunt from like 2016 where she's singing happy birthday off-key into the receiver and then goes 'i know you're in class, just wanted you to hear it from me first' and i'd completely blocked out that she did that every year without fail. like that specific nasally tone she go... |
anybody interesting out there today? | there's this guy in scrubs just staring at a vending machine like it owes him money. been five minutes. |
what's the crowd like in the waiting room right now? | old couple across from me arguing about who forgot the snacks. she's winning, obviously. |
wait what happened, you look like you're about to explode | okay so you know that scratch-off ticket i bought like three months ago from the gas station by the highway, the one i tossed in the glove compartment and completely forgot about? yeah. just found it when i was looking for my insurance card and i figured hey let me check it, and i scanned it on that little machine and ... |
no way, you just won something? what happened? | so i'm standing outside the bar and i check my email for like no reason, and there's this one from the lottery commission with a subject line like 'congratulations' and i almost swiped it away thinking it was spam. but i opened it and it said i'd won two thousand bucks from some drawing i entered online back in january... |
wait, what's going on over there? | oh you should see this. there's this couple a few carts ahead — like late sixties maybe — and the woman keeps putting things in the basket and the man keeps taking them out when she's not looking. he thinks he's being subtle but I can see everything from here. she just put back a bag of frozen peas and he slid them rig... |
oh yeah? what else is happening? | there's a kid — can't be more than four or five — having an absolute meltdown by the cereal aisle because his mom wouldn't let him get the one with the cartoon dinosaur on it. I mean I get it kid that's devastating. but here's the thing: she's just standing there calm as anything letting him work through it. no bribery... |
so you finally did something other than nap on the bench press? | benched my bodyweight dude. felt like a superhero for a sec. |
wait you actually went or is this another dream sequence? | nope. pulled it off. still shaking a little actually. |
so did you wake up actually thinking you had a pet platypus or what | yeah no I full-on checked under the bed for it. like genuinely disappointed there wasn't a weird little creature living in my childhood bedroom. |
was this one of those dreams where you're running late for something or more of a talking furniture situation | oh way worse. the toaster was giving me life advice but kept burning the bread on purpose. passive-aggressive kitchen appliances, that's my subconscious. |
so you gonna let that slide or what? | oh i'll let it slide — right into a talk with hr |
guess you're buying the coffee today huh | more like they're buying my silence. for now. |
you sound kinda weird, you good? | yeah — no, like, really good actually |
what's with the soft voice, you sick? | just asked her and she said yes |
did you stay up all night or what, your eyes look like two raccoons fighting over a trash can | f-finished it. like actually done. three years of staring at that stupid cursor and now there's a whole book where there wasn't one before |
so is this the part where you buy a cape and call yourself author now | man the dog park might actually witness me ugly-crying into a frisbee in a second. it's just sitting there on my laptop and i keep opening the file to make sure it's real |
what were you just groaning about over there? | accidentally liked a photo from 2017 on my ex's page |
you just went completely red, what happened? | oh my thumb betrayed me on an old ex's profile |
so what's the weirdest hypothetical you've come up with so far? | okay but would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses |
how many hours in and what's the most unhinged thought you've had? | if this car had feelings would it hate me by now |
did he actually get down on one knee or was it more of a 'so anyway' moment? | full on knee, the works, middle of the living room at like 3am. ring was shaking in his hand, bless him. |
what did you even say back to him when it happened? | pretty sure i just kept saying 'are you serious' over and over till he had to show me the box again. |
did you see what happened online or did someone tell you? | roommate just sent me the link while i was holding a juice box. just stood there in the middle of all these screaming kids. couldn't even process the words at first. |
what went through your head when you first read it? | kept thinking wait this can't be us. had to scroll up and check the logo like three times. felt like someone hit pause on everything around me. |
so what are you gonna do, just pretend you didn't see them? | oh god no I literally froze by the Slurpee machine |
you gonna try and find them online or what? | my hands are still shaking honestly I can't even think |
oh so you finally found a good reason to use that horn you're always bragging about? | man that horn saved my bacon. school bus full of kids and some guy in a mustang just cuts across three lanes. almost turned my morning into a headline. |
what's that little smile about all of a sudden | you remembered I only eat the pickle spears not the chips |
you still have that dumb photo I sent you last spring | you kept the voicemail where I said I'd call back and forgot |
what's the weirdest hypothetical you've been running through your head on this drive? | okay so you know those giant inflatable tube men at car dealerships. been wondering if they're secretly a new species. like what if they're just really bad at communicating and that's their mating dance. |
are you still coming up with those strange theories about the roadside attractions? | oh absolutely. got a whole taxonomy going for the cow populations out here. the ones that just stare are clearly philosophers. the ones that run away are the artists. probably. |
wait you just got a weird smile on your face, what's going on? | uh nothing i just — okay this is gonna sound dumb but i was watching her sleep last night and she had her face all smushed into the pillow making this tiny snore sound and i thought yeah i'd burn the whole world down for this person no problem |
you're staring off into space with that goofy look, spill it | she fell asleep on my chest watching some show and i just stayed there for like an hour not moving because her hand was curled into my shirt and i literally wanted to cry happy tears like how did i get this lucky |
you really dragged me all the way to the library at 7am just for this? | hey the natural light in here is chef's kiss okay |
bet you've already memorized the entire menu, haven't you? | only the pastry section. three times. for science. |
rough night? you look like you're running on fumes | both kids came down with something at the same time, which is just... you know that thing where you think okay we survived one round of daycare plague and then bam it's tag team. and the laundry situation right now is genuinely embarrassing. there's like a full hamper of just sheets that I've walked past maybe twelve t... |
you okay? you seem a little checked out today | honestly I think my brain just did a factory reset without asking permission. the toddler woke up with a hundred and two fever and then the baby started coughing and I just sort of stood there in the hallway holding both of them going okay what's the protocol here. and the laundry pile in the basement is literally tall... |
what're you gonna do, just let it slide? | oh i'm letting nothing slide, trust that. |
so what's the move tomorrow morning? | gonna write a passive aggressive sticky note, see how that feels. |
so you're telling me your cat is out here doing pest control now? | pest control my ass. it was a live snake. i walked into the living room and he just looked up at me like 'surprise, i fixed the mouse problem forever'. |
did you at least get a video or were you too busy freaking out? | oh i was fully frozen. just stood there watching him carry it around like some kind of tiny tiger. didn't even think to grab my phone. |
What's got you grinning like that at 5 AM? | okay so you know how planes have those little bathrooms with the fold-down sink? was just standing there washing my hands and it hit me — that little lever you push for water, it's basically the same mechanism as a deli meat slicer. like conceptually identical. just different scale and intent. and now i'm sitting here ... |
You look like you just remembered something funny — spill it. | oh god okay so i'm watching that guy over there fold his jacket into that little overhead bin space like it's origami, right? and my brain just goes — wait, who decided that 'carry-on' means 'lift above your head while holding a coffee and your dignity simultaneously'? like some marketing person in the 80s was probably... |
what's your next move here? | gonna go get another drink and pretend it's fine. |
wait you actually did it? like the number you've been chasing for weeks? | yeah i just looked at the bar and it clicked. felt like my whole body remembered what it was supposed to do. backyard's quiet and i'm just sitting here grinning like a complete idiot. |
how does it feel now that you're not shaking anymore? | honestly kind of unreal. like i keep replaying that last rep in my head and it still doesn't compute. you know when something finally lines up and you just sit there in the dark feeling lucky for a second. |
what's got you smiling like that at this hour | he found a whole bag of flour in the pantry, dragged it to the living room, and somehow got it open. there's just this perfect little dog-shaped cloud of white dust sitting there looking at me like he's solved a major life mystery. his entire face is powdered, ears are stiff with it, and he sneezed and then looked offe... |
did he really just steal your seat the second you got up | oh absolutely, i went to grab my coffee and when i turned back he had claimed the exact warm spot on the couch with this look of absolute victory. his head was on my pillow and he had one paw draped over the armrest like he was a king surveying his kingdom. i told him to move and he just closed his eyes slowly, you kno... |
wait you actually just typed 'the end' like right now? | heh yeah it's just sitting there blinking at me. three years of this stupid cursor and now it's done and I don't know what to do with my hands. |
did you celebrate or just stare at the screen for a while? | stared. then texted my mom and immediately regretted it. then poured the world's saddest office coffee like this is a real achievement. |
what's with the faraway look? that song bring back memories or something? | middle school dance song just came on my shuffle. you know the one where everyone stood against the wall pretending they weren't terrified to slow dance. saw the whole gym ceiling in my head for a second. |
you're humming something from the 70s aren't you? that's a very specific little smile | that cheesy love song they played at every single dance. felt like i was thirteen again watching everyone shuffle around in awkward pairs. funny how a melody just drops you right back there. |
what did she actually say though | clear as day — 'more juice please' like a tiny little person |
did you catch it on video at least | phone was in the other room of course. classic. |
what are you gonna do about the notification thing, just leave it? | god i don't even know. like my thumb just slipped okay i was on the bus and it hit a bump and suddenly i'm liking something from 2018. she's probably looking at her phone right now like 'seriously?' and i can't unsend it. maybe i should just delete the whole app for a week and pretend i never saw it. that's normal righ... |
so you gonna message her or just pretend it never happened? | pretending is literally the only option here. like what am i supposed to say 'hey sorry i liked your old photo, i was scrolling mindlessly on a crowded bus and my finger slipped' — that's somehow worse. i'll just wait till she posts something new and like that normally and hope she forgets. but honestly she probably sc... |
wait what happened with the bar thing? | got locked out of the motel room at two in the morning. my own fault really, left the key on the nightstand and the door swung shut. stood there in my socks on that cold concrete, just staring at the numbers on the door like they'd change if i willed it hard enough. thirty-five minutes it took me to realize i could jus... |
what's up with the road trip weirdness? | stuck in the car with tom for nine hours yesterday. he starts asking things like 'if you had to fight a kangaroo but you could choose the weapon, would you pick a rolled-up magazine or a single flip-flop' and then he just stares at the road waiting for an answer. i told him magazine because at least you can make it sti... |
did the whole store just go dead silent or what | worse actually. like there's this moment where you hear your own voice echo and then you realize everyone heard it too. he pointed at this gentleman by the deli counter and announced his belt buckle looked like a dog's bowl. not wrong but the guy just stood there holding his salami like a trophy. I stood there frozen t... |
oh no what did the little one actually say out loud | you know those moments where you think you've taught them some basic social filter and then they prove you dead wrong. we're passing the canned vegetables and he sees this woman with really bright red lipstick and he goes 'mama that lady looks like she ate a strawberry and forgot to wipe.' I nearly abandoned the cart r... |
did he really just come out with a whole sentence? | clear as day too. blew my mind. |
what did the little dude actually say? | wanted more crackers. the audacity. |
so what are you actually gonna do about it? | oh absolutely nothing. way too fun to watch. |
you think you should say something or just let it ride? | let it ride for sure. this is premium drama. |
what's the game plan then, just keep staring at the book? | honestly the words are doing this thing now where they're just shapes on the page and my brain's like nope those aren't letters anymore those are just squiggles that look vaguely angry. my mom keeps texting like 'are you retaining anything' and i'm like well i retained that the first three pages of this chapter are app... |
are you actually gonna make it through this or do we need an intervention? | oh we definitely need something because i just spent twenty minutes staring at the phrase 'burden of proof' and convinced myself it's a metaphor for my entire existence right now. the dj keeps playing slow songs and every single one hits different when you've been reading about contract law for six hours straight. like... |
remember that time you thought she said 'dada' but it was just a burp? | okay but today it was a real sentence though |
didn't you say last week she just pointed at things? | she looked me dead in the eye and said 'more snack please' |
so you finally popped the question or what? | yeah she said yes and i almost dropped the ring |
wait did you actually cry when you asked? | oh absolutely zero shame about it either |
you still thinking about that coffee shop we passed last week? | yeah it's like the whole city has this hum you know. a constant background roar that never really stops. and i keep thinking maybe if i just listen hard enough i'll find something familiar in it. but it's all strangers talking and buses grinding and sirens that don't mean anything to me. woke up on the bus today and fo... |
remember how you used to complain about our old apartment's radiator? | god the way that thing clanked at 3am used to drive me insane. but at least it was a sound i knew. here the heat just sort of hums through the vents. this empty mechanical sound that doesn't tell you anything. woke up on the bus this morning and everything felt too sharp too bright. like the light was personally offend... |
wait what actually happened? | last second buzzer beater, i literally screamed |
hold on, what's that? | oh nothing. old handwriting. that's all. |
wait, you're out here hiking at midnight? | only free hour i've had in like four months |
what happened that you're up this late? | mom finally fell asleep and i just walked out the door |
so did the newspaper spell your company name right at least? | they did actually, which was the first shock. then my mom texted me a screenshot from her book club group chat and i just stood there staring at my phone for like a solid minute. |
guess you're too famous to hang out with us regular folks now huh | oh please, i'm still the one sweeping the office floor on wednesdays. but yeah seeing my little project in actual print made me drop my coffee mug, not gonna lie. |
hey wait why did you just drop your gym bag like that? | oh you are not gonna believe this. so i get home from the gym right. still in my sweaty clothes. and my cat mango trots out of the bedroom like she's bringing me a present. which is normally a sock or a toy mouse. but no. today it's a live snake. like a foot long. just dangling from her mouth. she drops it on the rug. ... |
what's got you staring at your phone like that? you look pale | just got the text from my roommate. with a photo. my cat. caught a snake. inside our apartment. i'm still at the gym trying to process this. like she's an indoor cat. we live on the fourth floor. how did she even find a snake. the photo shows her sitting next to it on the kitchen tile looking proud. the snake's just co... |
hold on, you serious? | yeah, just standing there with a coffee and that dopey look |
who just stole all your thunder out there? | oh that little weasel in accounting. took my whole presentation. |
what's got you gripping the steering wheel like that? | she stood up and said 'my project' like i wasn't even in the room. |
wait did they actually pull that off or was the clock already dead? | bro the clock literally hit zero and the ball was still in the air. everyone in the bar just lost it, i think my voice is gone from screaming. |
so what was going through your head during that last timeout? | kept telling myself not to get my hopes up because we've choked before. then that buzzer went and i was just jumping around the train aisle like an idiot. |
remember when you said dad's old toolbox was just clutter? | god that meeting was a bloodbath |
still think that project manager owes you a coffee from last month? | they stole the whole damn thing man |
you look kind of shaken, everything okay? | played an old message from my uncle. his voice just came through like he was still here. didn't expect that hit this early. |
remember that time you spilled coffee all over my notes right before finals? | oh man that was like a decade ago and you're still holding that over me? you know what though seeing you just standing there at baggage claim with that stupid grin and a half-crushed coffee cup from the airport starbucks like you hadn't changed a single day since college like we hadn't gone months without talking and y... |
you still make that face when you're annoyed? the one where your eyebrow does that thing? | absolutely i do it's like a reflex at this point my eyebrow's got its own agenda. but listen the moment i saw you walking through those sliding doors with your backpack slung over one shoulder looking like you just rolled out of bed and decided to commit an act of spontaneous friendship i don't think i've ever been tha... |
oh nice, so you're out here doing a walking tour of the city's 'most interesting' blocks at 2am? | yeah something like that. except the tour guide abandoned me and the map's on three percent battery. thought i saw a shortcut through that alley behind the laundromat but it just led to more alley and a guy yelling at a dumpster. train's probably gonna leave without me and i'll be that person sleeping on a bench with m... |
did you at least find a cute coffee shop to hide in or is this more of a 'wander until the phone screams' situation? | there's no coffee shops there's just a bar with a flickering sign and a guy out front smoking something that definitely wasn't tobacco. phone's at two percent now and i'm pretty sure i passed the same fire hydrant three times. my sister's gonna love hearing i got mugged by a pothole on a street that smells like wet dog... |
Are you waiting for someone or just people-watching? | oh you know my friend from way back, haven't seen her in years. she's probably running late like always but gives me time to count the seagulls on the roof there — up to seven now, they're sizing me up for a french fry heist |
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