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... and they're both wealthy and straight. but-
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i love the way that charlize theron's character in it is portrayed because she's-
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... home isn't adorable. her career isn't going to be-
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i did really like that it felt-
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... it was a kind of way of doing humiliation, or having a character, because in the romcom you always have to have-
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... one character realizes that they've been an idiot and does something really stupid. normally it's the day-
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... ever. i actually thought it was quite a clever way of getting around that.
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yeah. it's still a movie. it's going to be on itunes and stuff soon.
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... i think from august 17th. i'm just on twitter and instagram as [inaudible 00:09:20].
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it has been so eyeopening having a baby.
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but i've had a few people, and i totally understand why they do this, and i would do it too. but i've had a few people, women-
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i've been like, oh god, covid is so annoying because-
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and it's really frustrating and there's like projects that i was working on, which now-
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so i find that really funny. and also, just the way that the conversations that you then have with the different women in your life
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you're in different places in terms of having kids. it's really interesting and i kind of want to be like
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i'm still the same person, nothing's changed. i've had to say that to some of my friends who don't want kids or haven't had kids. and then to my friends who
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have had kids, sometimes i'm like, "can we talk about something other than me?"
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commentary on motherhood, and the way that we talk about women who don't have children, or the way that we talk about women who do have children. so it's just
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really interesting to hear you say that. and also, i'm sorry, i was literally just signing off then, but now i just really want to touch on the thing that you said about
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i'm always like, "is this my own choice or is this society's choice?" and i think that that's one of them isn't it? where it's like
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is this really a goal of mine? is this something that i really want to work towards? work towards having a baby. but you know, having that
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it's just interesting hearing you talk about it because i didn't think
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went back and forth on it so much. i went from being in my early twenties like, "no. never having a kid." to then realizing,
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difficult phase because then you're like, well i know i want to do this, but there's a lot of other things i want to do, too. and the depictions of
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wonderful if you're that person, and there's nothing wrong with that. and so a lot of the women also that i knew who had kids were those kinds of women who had them young,
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and they were like a mom, and that was their main identifier, and that's brilliant, but that definitely wasn't what i wanted, and that wouldn't have been right for
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and i was getting increasingly sort of worked up when friends of mine had kids or sent me pictures of their kids
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is putting pressure on me, and my mother-in-law is putting pressure on me." there was one christmas where they both sat there and told me that i should be doing it, and that i could
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and just feeling like i didn't have this space to work it how i actually thought about it. and i was having so many conversations with my husband
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and he was like, "well i want to do it, but i don't know if now's the right time." and i did feel like it was something i had to work out,
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and until i worked it out, it was going to
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be bugging me. and then i got to my 35th birthday, and i was just
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crying my eyes out and i had absolutely no idea. and my husband and i had planned a really nice day and we left the house and we go to the end of my street and i was just like,
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and then we went to america the next day,
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the next day we were on our way to another festival in a different part of america, and i was sat in lax airport and i was
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"i have to have a baby. i have to have a baby as soon as possible and i don't mind if you're not ready, but i have to do this right now so i will do it on
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my own if you're not ready." and my husband was like, "it's fine, i'm ready, too. let's do it. you don't need to be that dramatic." and then i felt
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so relieved. but what drove me mad,
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was that i realized that it was a decision that i know i was always going to come to on my own.
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and then i just felt so annoyed that anyone had ever pressured me
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to know either way. and because i felt like it took away that ... it kind of made me stressed about it when i didn't need to be stressed about it. and it made me worried about it.
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i think that i needed to hear that and that so many people will need to hear that story. so thank you for that. although i do feel like the
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when you pick up a kid or something. can you imagine a reality where someone was like, "yes, i decided to have a kid
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who wants like, "oh, it's so good that you had a kid because people kept asking you when you were going to do it."
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two and a half years. we don't live together. neither of us ... i'm not having a baby. i can't have a baby. like, i don't
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to be like, "well no, no then." but obviously that's not how it works. so.that's so much pressure in terms of this idea of the body clock
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window of time, and your life is going to stop when you have a kid, so you have to get everything done and then have your kid."
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but the clock is ticking, and really,
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women, you have plenty of time. there's no rush. take your time, and
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don't feel like it's going to be an ending of something when it happens. but also, if you don't want to have kids, please don't ever feel like
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justify it. because it also just creates this horrible divide between women who are child free and women who've had kids as well where
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you kind of can't really quite talk
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thought in a way she was being supportive of, "i'm not going to pressure you. i just don't assume you're ever going to have kids." and it's like, what was that?
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somebody else says "kids" and she was like, "god, if i had three kids i would have to be drunk every day because i would find it so
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boring and stressful." and i laughed. but then later, she was like, "i'm so sorry, i shouldn't have said that to you." and i was like, "why?"
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you can still joke about these things. and i totally again, would've been the same. but yeah, i hate that society does that to us.
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why do i insist on creating distinctions?
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[inaudible 00:09:41] why, like god, can't i learn to appreciate geert wilders who talks about moroccan scum destroying his country?
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if i just let this pettiness go, i too could benefit.
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but there's a strategic element to my objections too.
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as far as liberal critics of islam go, we've collectively spent a lot of time-
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... trying to convince the mainstream western left, which controls much of popular culture-
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... we've spent all that time trying to tell the left-
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... that criticism of islam isn't equivalent.
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why would i want to give a gift like that to the cj werleman's out there waiting to discredit every single critic of islam?
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if we truly want to get to the point where people are as comfortable criticizing problematic elements of islam-
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as they are christianity, we have to earn a level of trust in the conversation from the left.
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... we certainly are nowhere near. and under trump, all of this-
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hypocritical, trumpian apologist. we're just going to keep going in circles.
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... xenophobia affects me and my family personally, not only because bigotry is plain wrong, whether it's coming from muslims or generally directed at muslims-
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but because strategically, it's also self-defeat.
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it's the least effective path in the long term for wanting to be heard. sure, sure, sure. it's a quick way to rack up patreon dollars. the far right-
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it's a quick way to double your social media following with all the wrong types of people.
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... but it has the opposite effect if you actually want to create change on how islam is discussed in the mainstream.
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demonstrating that you are indeed coming from a place of humanism is so key to the potency of your critique.
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and in a time where muslims are being singled out and generalized, it's super important to couple your criticism of islam with criticism of anti-muslim bigotry. you want to-
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... hates the special status, special glorification, special protection around islam.
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so it boggles my mind when smart people refuse to rock the boat or acknowledge just how harmful-
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... the gad, reuben, anti-regressive, far-right sanitizing phenomenon is to-
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the credibility of islam critics as a whole-
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... under trump like never before.
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islam critics run the risk, in my opinion, of becoming irrelevant and even more resisted by the mainstream left. and in a time where we're perpetually-
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... trapped in a cycle of the islamic far right empowering the western far right and the western far right, in turn, empowering the islamic far right, we have to do something to-
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... break the cycle, not just become a part of it. the empowerment of the western far right makes the western left even more reluctant and hesitant to touch the subject of islam in an-
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[inaudible 00:02:10] i am sometimes tempted to just stop discussing the subject of islam altogether in this climate.
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because there's so many awful people piggybacking on anything ex-muslims say.
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... the camp who opposes linda sarsour's sanitizing of islamic far right-
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... can see no wrong with asra nomani's or dave rubin's-
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parable, sanitization, promotion, apologetics and praise of the western far right.
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but being better than a bunch of jihadis and isis though, isn't something i'd give anyone a gold star for. so no, i'm not equating the two, but in their own individual context-
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trump seems to have set us back in north america a couple of decades in a matter of months.
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the linda sarsour approach is bad, the asra nomani approach is bad, the dave rubin approach is bad, the reza aslan approach is bad.
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we've got to understand both sides of this are bad.
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and take us further away from the truth. steer us head first into bad ideas. we can't oppose bad ideas only on the side we don't like.
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... or [inaudible 00:02:55] . so, we've got to stop seeing islam critical as a status that gives someone a pass.
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from the most obvious criticisms.
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i think he did most of my work for me there. laid it all out pretty clearly. if you can sense what the distinction is or why it's needed from that-
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... conversation, then nothing i say will help.
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we just differ greatly on strategy. what really gets me though-
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... is the double standard of criticizing the left for joining hands with bad actors on the islamic right, which i was happy to-
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