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2020-08-31T21:16:12 | "My boyfriend accused me of getting mad because he bought cake for his sister and not for me." (r/relationships) | r/relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/fwiud6/bf_26_m_accuses_me_of_getting_mad_because_he/) is by /u/Anxious_Coconut2020.*
Hi all,
It is currently the third week of quarantine and I need to know if the problem lies with me. Quick context, I have been very busy with my work from home, and things have been stressful and urgent with my job. On top of this, I have been handling the majority of the daily household chores such as throwing out the trash, washing the dishes, cooking meals and the like. I would literally pace from kitchen to laptop to make sure my online absence isn't holding back my team's workflow. To be honest, my heavy workload and the sense of productivity helps me cope with the quarantine situation better. I do feel a sense of fulfillment. Meanwhile, my bf games the whole day which is okay with me if that is his way of coping.
Last night, I kissed him goodnight which caused him to die in the game he was playing so he flips out at me, says that I just go there to "check on his screen". I cried myself to sleep but he apologized so all is well. Today, my morning started with getting scolded for work (I forgot to update something that I shouldve), and have been stressed about it, which I confided in my bf. I likewise reminded him that it's his sister's bday. He says he'll go to the grocery and I ask him if he could buy me a slice of cake, or something sweet like a pastry.
He comes back and tells me he did not buy me cake because it "would be weird to buy both his sister and me cake because it's not my bday". Disappointing, but okay. I go back to work and I guess my face showed annoyance or stress because next thing he says is "Are you really mad I bought my sister cake and not you?". I tell him no. He insists and says, "You're mad I bought my sister cake and not you." He's always had a tendency to insist of his perception of what the other person feels, and my patience runs out as well. I tell him, "I'm not mad you bought your sister cake. I'm mad you didn't buy me cake." Voices start to escalate and his insistence that my frustration is on him buying his sister cake is something I can no longer tolerate, so I walk out.
I want to make it clear that I am not upset over him buying his sister cake. I even reminded him it was her bday. What frustrates me is why he would harp on that, painting me as some sort of monster that cannot handle someone else getting cake instead of me. It is his insistence on what my feelings are that I cannot handle, because this is not the first time or scenario he's done this. It feels like screaming into a void.
So reddit, did I just overreact? Am I just on edge?
TL;DR: BF insists the reason I am upset is because he bought his sister a bday cake. I am stressed over other things and I could not hide my disappointment. My BF is mad that I was disappointed. What should I do here? Help!
**OP's comment on post**
I'm at my cousin's place right now. The environment has been increasingly toxic and I feel on edge about when his next mood swing will be. I do feel like a punching bag of his unresolved frustration. The redirecting guilt is the most alarming. I feel like he couldve allowed me to be upset about it but instead, has to find a way to blame it on me.
**OP's comment on post**
I just remembered I went to the bakery during my run the other day. Waited 15 minutes in line because he wanted a loaf of bread. There were only two kinds left: cheese and raisin. I hate raisins. I bought the raisin bread. One day, I hope to find someone who will buy the cheese bread for me.
**OP's comment on post**
Two weeks ago, a week into the quarantine, I fell sick. Fever and the works, on top of that the anxiety that it mightve been Covid. He knew I was sick, even told him to check in on me. I went to bed at 10:30, he at 5 am. Not once did he check on me. I told him it upset me he did not bother to check if I was alive. He flipped out on me, called me needy and too clingy, too emotionally dependent on him apparently. I was convinced I was tbh. The comments right here now are just illuminating things that I guess, deep down, I know. But I'm too much of a coward, until now I hope, to confront because that would mean leaving him. And we know that hurts.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/fye4rv/update_bf_26_m_accuses_me_of_getting_mad_because/)
After staying at my cousin's, I went back to our apartment to pack all of my things and retrieve important items that I couldn't go without (ie my laptop charger, eyeglasses, pills, etc). He tried to stop me from leaving, and we had an in depth talk about the problems we have been having. He admitted to not treating me right, saying I deserve much better. Damn right I do.
He tells me he will try to be better and that he will make more of an effort to show me he cares. Given that, as many of you pointed out, this is not just about the cake but a growing resentment about his lack of effort and thought for me, I couldn't forgive him as easily as I usually have. After that, he proceeds to cook me dinner and insists on buying something sweet for me. I'm not gonna lie, it gave me a glimmer of hope that finally, he understands and that maybe this could work out. I knew this might just be a honeymoon period and told him so.
This morning, I was on my laptop and he comes over to give me a kiss (yay improvement, right?). Feeling positive, I was scrolling through yoga videos on youtube (on incognito because I was using my non-work email as a log in). He tells me that I changed my screen. I say no. He says, yes I did. And I read through the comments of my last post once again and realized, this will never change.
When he insisted, me going for a good night kiss was me checking his screen. When he insisted I was upset over him buying his sister cake. When he insisted I do or feel things that I do not. It is all the same. And he will never understand how exhausting and emotionally draining and toxic that is. He has not only managed to make me feel neglected and lonely, but has taken away my right to my truth or my feelings.
I read Lundy Bancroft and damn, water torturer. My nape cooled when I read accounts of women who have been documenting their experiences and saw it align with my iPhone notes starting from August 2019 detailing our interactions just so I would not have to question myself.
I walked away quietly, without even saying goodbye to our dear cat because my weak a-- might not have been able to leave if I think about never hearing her purr at me again. I have blocked him, all my belongings are in my car, and I am with my cousin looking for a more permanent place to stay. I left my keys, and hopefully all that pain, in that apartment. I am not naive, and though right now I feel free and brave as a mofo, I know there will be many nights ahead where I will drench my pillow with tears. But for now, I will have my cheese bread, and eat it too.
TL;DR: He will never understand me and I left. Thank you everyone for your comments and support! Having had questioned myself a lot lately, it has been incredibly helpful to hear outside perspectives. Thank you again and wish me luck! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ik6t4x/my_boyfriend_accused_me_of_getting_mad_because_he/ | ik6t4x | 7,248 | 102 | [
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2020-09-01T14:30:25 | OP's city is threatening a lawsuit to get them to take down a website describing the town's terrible air pollution and odor problems. (r/legaladvice) | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7jubfl/iowa_city_threatening_a_lawsuit_to_get_me_to_take/) from two years ago is by /u/council-throwaway.*
About four years ago a large rendering plant purchased a factory in our small town in Iowa that has been causing all kinds of terrible odors ever since. We're talking rotten blood / dead animal / old beer fumes hanging in the air multiple days of the week for years. The smells are particularly nasty on warm and humid summer days.
After living directly across the street from the plant, I decided to use my skills as a developer to create a website criticizing the government of our town and the city council specifically for taking no action and letting the factory pollute our town. At the bottom of the website, in the footer, I left a blurb that says "$TOWN is still being polluted as of $CURRENT_DATE".
After a couple years of the site being up with little attention, I get a sudden spike of traffic - around 2k visitors over a few days - and we finally start hearing from the city that they'll be taking action.
First, the city council holds a town hall and asks for everybody's complaints regarding the rendering plant and smells. They also print the name and phone number of the city attorney and ask callers to forward their complaints there. After that they begin issuing fines to the plant, which they disregard and as far as I'm aware never pay. Eventually the city sues the rendering plant, and the rendering plant counter-sues.
I've updated my website after each development takes place. The last piece of news to come out of this whole situation was that each side had decided to drop their lawsuit around July of 2017 but with no agreement about the odor. I did not update the website to mention that the lawsuit had been dropped, it slipped my mind after reading it.
The domain name is along the lines of is_$TOWN_NAME_a_good_place_to_live.com and the first thing you see on the site is a big yellow block with huge text saying "NOT YET". It used to say "NO" before the city started fining the rendering plant. Everything has been quiet for months now regarding this website and the odor. While the city dropped their lawsuit and I still consider the issue unresolved, the smelly days only spring up once or twice a month now.
However, this afternoon I received a letter from a law firm representing the city. It contains screenshots of my website, and screenshots of the GitHub repository proving that I'm the owner. The gist of the letter says:
"Our firm represents the City of $TOWN, you're the author and domain name owner of $DOMAIN, we've attached proof. You were understandably frustrated by the issues with $RENDERING_PLANT which have been alleviated through litigation. However, you have not modified your web site despite the progress made. In fact you re-registered the domain name in 2017 rather than take it down." (I had the domain set to auto-renew.)
"To make matters worse, the web site contains a recital that the town is still being polluted as of the date someone views the web site. This leaves the impression that the information on the site is current."
"I am reliably informed that the $CLINIC lost a physician prospect who read your web site. At present, the web site libels the City of $TOWN, interferes with recruitment of businesses and new residents, and negatively affects property values. That interference is likely your intention since you took the time to re-register the domain name."
"I am writing to ask that you take down your site and not replace it with other derogatory material. If the web site is not taken down within ten days, your next notice will be in the form of a lawsuit."
I'm inclined to disregard this letter as my admittedly naive understanding of the law says the first amendment to the US constitution was created so citizens can criticize the government without fear of retribution. However, I realize there's a difference between Federal, state and municipal governments, and I'll be the first to admit there's a little bit of pride and defiance clouding my judgement too.
Nobody is being disparaged on the website except for the city council as a whole. The only person's name mentioned is the name of the city attorney and their phone number encouraging citizens to call and voice their complaints about the smells. The attorney and their phone number were being printed in local newspapers asking readers to do the same. I do mention the name of the rendering plant with a picture of their factory, but the letter I received is from attorneys representing the city, not the business.
I've scheduled a consultation with a lawyer, but is it a good idea to leave this site up and risk a lawsuit?
**Edit:** I saw the lawyer this morning who agreed that it seems like this would be violating my first amendment rights and that it's not possible to libel or defame a city. However he was unable to take the case as he's a real estate lawyer (which I knew going in, but my choice for law offices in town was the one I saw this morning or the one that sent the letter yesterday).
He did give me four good recommendations for lawyers outside of town and specifically outside of my town's "sphere of influence". I've got an appointment with one of these lawyers on Tuesday morning, and I've also contacted the ACLU location in Iowa as a few others have suggested.
All-in-all I'm feeling pretty confident that this letter is just an attempt at scaring me into taking the website down, though I worry that I'm slowly running out of the ten days time they've given me to comply.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8d5sv1/update_iowa_city_threatening_a_lawsuit_to_get_me/)
A few months ago I posted here asking for advice after the city council of the town I live in sent a letter demanding that I take down a website critical of them, or else they'd sue me. Most of the comments I received confirmed that, yes, this was violating my First Amendment rights, and yes, I should seek a lawyer.
So I did so. I set up a meeting with one of the two law firms here in town (the other law firm is the one that sent the letter), and he agreed with what everybody else had been telling me. However, he declined to represent me as he's largely a real estate attorney, and recommended I speak with someone "outside the city's little sphere of influence".
Skipping over unnecessary details, I met with the other lawyer, but wasn't able to afford representation at the time. I updated my website to be more fair to the city itself, but risked leaving in a few barbs toward the city council and the lawyers representing them -- borrowing a few reddit comments about " squander taxpayer money on spurious advice and pointless legal services". 😉
Once I updated the website and the city realized I wasn't going to take it down, a different attorney from the city's law firm contacted me and wanted to chat over coffee. I went, although now I realize I probably should not have done so. He was very friendly, telling me he thinks the whole situation had been badly handled, but he made it clear that he thought I should take down the website because it was hurting the town and "we both want what's best" for it. He also told me there was a reporter from a newspaper calling around trying to get in touch with me, and he didn't think I should talk to them, again because it would damage the town. I declined the interview, because I was afraid I'd get sued (whether justified or not) if I said something the city didn't like.
Of course, I was too naive to realize that the city themselves would have no problem talking to the reporter. So she ran her story, and I was made out to be the bad guy troublemaker by the city officials she interviewed. What's more, a city councilman, the mayor, and the city administrator all denied sending a letter to me. They were also quoted as saying "there may be legal stuff coming down the road".
A few weeks later I received another letter from the law firm, and this one was... weird. It was the attorney from the original letter writing "on his own time" to explain all the reasons he thinks he can sue me, citing several Iowa judicial cases and going on about disparaging property. He told me I was making a stupid argument and attributing unfounded legal arguments to him. The letter ended by saying it wasn't a threat of litigation and not intended to deter me from exercising my legal rights.
This was around mid-January, 2018 (I received the first letter mid-December, 2017). Everything was quiet, once again, for two more weeks, until I got an email from the legal director at the ACLU of Iowa. On the advice of Reddit, I had emailed both the ACLU and the EFF, but after over a month with no response I had figured they were too busy to look at my case. I was very happy when she contacted me and wanted to talk.
I spoke with the director and, long story short, she thought what the city was doing to me was an egregious violation of my civil rights, and the ACLU of Iowa wanted to represent me in a lawsuit against the city. Toward the end of February we filed suit in Federal court, and by March 29th we settled the case after the city agreed to these five terms:
1. They had to agree to a permanent injunction where they can't threaten to sue me, or actually sue me, for any website or content I produce regarding the town.
2. They must pay legal damages to me.
3. They must pay attorney fees to the ACLU.
4. They must write an apology letter to me.
5. My favorite part, the city's staff and its attorneys must take First Amendment training.
All in all, I'm incredibly impressed with the ACLU's work on this case. I know it's not typical to file a lawsuit and win a month later, but I think just shows how blatant their attempts to censor me were. I'm super grateful to the ACLU for helping me with this, because as I said above, I wouldn't have been able to afford an attorney and the city would have gotten away with their threat. I'm also grateful to r/legaladvice for encouraging me to contact the ACLU -- thank you for all of the help! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iklafz/ops_city_is_threatening_a_lawsuit_to_get_them_to/ | iklafz | 10,186 | 269 | [
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2020-09-01T19:39:50 | "My boyfriend of 6 months told me that I need to 'unlove' the men from my past before I can love him." (r/relationships) | r/relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ccl1gt/my_24_f_boyfriend_26_m_of_6_months_told_me_that_i/) from over a year ago is by /u/big_platypus_.*
I've been dating Mark for 6 months and have known him for around 8 months. I just moved to my current city 9 months ago for grad school, and Mark was one of the first people that I become close with. He's been really great and helped me feel comfortable in a new city.
Recently, Mark and I said "I love you" for the first time. Everything was fine for a while until he told me that I was the first person he's ever said that to. I was a little surprised but not in a bad way, and didn't really make a big deal of it. He asked me how many other guys I've said it too. I told him 1. That seemed to bother him.
Mark knows that I'm still occasionally in contact with one of my exes (Eli) and it has never been an issue for Mark. However, after our conversation, Mark asked me if Eli was the ex that I had said I love you to. I was honest and said yes. Background: Eli and I grew up together and dated from when we were 15 to 22. We broke up when I got accepted to grad school and found out I'd have to move across the country, because we realized that we had grown into different people and weren't going to spend our lives together. The breakup was extremely amicable and we remained close friends while I was town before I moved, and we talk maybe once a week currently - just basic "how are you" texts.
Mark asked me how I feel about Eli now. I said that while I don't love him romantically anymore, he was a huge part of my life since childhood, and I still have very positive feelings about him and consider him an important person. Mark kept pressing, asking me if I still "love" Eli in any sense. I said that no, I am not in love with him, but Mark almost didn't seem to believe me? He kept prodding me until I finally said that I will probably always love Eli as a person and respect him a lot, but that I have no romantic connection to him and fully accept that we are different people now. Mark was upset by this.
The next day, Mark told me that he doesn't think that I can truly love him unless I learn to "unlove" the men from my past. I asked what he meant - and again clarified that I am not in love with Eli - and he said that I should retain no love in any form for any other guys I've been with. I was, quite honestly, shocked and tried to explain to him that me loving someone as a friend is totally and completely different than being romantically in love with someone, and that he is the only one I have those feelings for. He insisted that I need to change my feelings about Eli. He almost seemed mad that I'm not resentful over the breakup.
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Is this totally weird and out of line, or am I overreacting? Just to be clear, Eli and I talk very sparingly. Probably 10 texts a week, if that, just to check in. I have NO feelings for him anymore. But he was a huge part of my life for many, many years, and I don't think it's unreasonable for me to have generally positive feelings for him. Is Mark out of line, or am I?
**EDIT**: Just for context, since people are hung up on "10 texts a week":
Mark and I easily exchange 50-100 texts a day. And we see each other multiple times a week. So I consider 10 texts to be a brief conversation. It's a very surface-level "how are you? Hows work?" type thing. It's not in depth.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/cnd80k/update_my_24_f_boyfriend_26_m_of_6_months_told_me/)
Figured I'd update my post from about a month ago. Unfortunately, there wasn't a happy ending, but I am very grateful for a lot of the advice I received here. Thank you, reddit, for helping me keep my head on straight!
After I made my first post, I read all the comments and thought about everything for a few days. A lot of people mentioned that they would not be comfortable with the frequency of my communication with my ex. I thought that was very fair. People also mentioned that Mark's behavior was pretty controlling and not ok. I also thought that was fair.
I went to talk to Mark and told him that I understood if he was uncomfortable with me being in touch with Eli weekly, and that I would be totally willing to cut that down. I also reiterated again that I was not currently in love with Eli and hadn't been for a while. Mark was understanding this time and seemed happy with the fact that I offered to cut down my contact with Eli.
But then I told Mark that although I was willing to do this, I wasn't happy with how he approached the issue and that I found his behavior controlling. I basically told him that I want him to approach issues in a more rational way and I would appreciate if he opened a dialogue rather than just telling me what to do, and that I wouldn't put up with him trying to "command" me to do something (especially something so ridiculous). I said everything in the same tone as I used for the first half of the conversation - I wasn't yelling at him or admonishing him, just trying to let him know where my boundaries are.
You guys - Mark. Flew. Off. The. Handle. He started SCREAMING at me. I obviously wasn't having it, so I got up to leave. He started throwing dishes and random kitchen items at me, and grabbed me and slammed my head into the door jam. I ended up with a nasty black eye and a busted lip. Luckily for me, a neighbor heard the commotion and called the cops. Mark was arrested and I was taken to the hospital. Yes, I'm pressing charges and filed for a restraining order.
Overall, it was a horrible incident but I'm glad this happened earlier in the relationship rather than later. And I am forever grateful for the neighbor who called the cops. Im also grateful to (most of) you guys for telling me that I wasn't being insane in my first post and for pointing out the early warning signs. It wasn't the best ending, but I'm ok and I'm just glad it's over. Take this as a cautionary tale, I guess!
TLDR: tried to have a rational conversation with Mark, he gave me a black eye and busted lip, it's over (thank God).
**EDIT**: I've gotten a lot of concerned messages (which I appreciate!) telling me to watch out for Mark now and that abusers are often at their most dangerous right after a breakup. Just to ease everyone's mind: I'm staying with a classmate (who Mark does not know) for the time being, so I'm well-protected! Thanks everyone! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ikr8jg/my_boyfriend_of_6_months_told_me_that_i_need_to/ | ikr8jg | 6,497 | 244 | [
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2020-09-02T12:45:08 | "I recently found out that I (17M) got into my brother's (19M) former dream university which he did not get accepted to last year. I'm feeling guilty about really wanting to go now." (r/relationships) | r/relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/95s4ri/recently_found_out_that_i_17m_got_into_my/) from two years ago is by /u/kowkickkokaine.*
My brother, Mike (19), for a long time had a dream university that he wanted to go to. I'm not quite sure when or why he settled on this choice, but from about the time he was a freshman he was working to get into this particular school.
Unfortunately he didn't get into the school, and he was really upset about it. He spent the better part of a month miserable, but he snapped out of it eventually. Mike went to his second choice university (which this year was ranked higher than his first choice, and got particular recognition for the program that he's in). He had a really good year, he loved it, made a ton of friends, and got really good grades too.
This year I was applying to universities and I applied to Mike's old top choice. One of my teachers (who has actually never met Mike) recommended it and really encouraged me to apply. I was hesitant at first because it was 'Mike's school', but he's also a lot smarter than I am so I figured if he couldnt get in then I wouldnt either (although I applied for a totally different program from him). I didn't tell Mike or parents (or anyone but my teacher really) that I was applying. I recently found out I got in.
At first I was happy, I mean it's by far the best university I got into and all those years of Mike talking it up made me like it as well I guess. But now I'm feeling guilty I guess for applying, it's like I'm stealing his dream or something I dont know. I havent told anyone I got in yet.
I wanted to talk to Mike first about it. But my dad had to go away for work and he had a layover at the closest airport to the university and Mike made this joke about the city being "the-town-which-must-not-be-named" and said he would've taken the other route, which had a layover three times as long in another airport just to avoid being in that city. So he obviously still has feelings about it.
Normally I speak to my brother first about everything, he's the one I go to for advice, but I can't do that now. I do really like the university and I want to go (and I have to make that decision like ASAP to sort out housing and everything), but I'm worried that my going might effect my relationship with my brother. I don't want it to seem like I'm stealing his dream or whatever. How should I approach him about this? Should I just tell my parents first?
TL;DR older brother had a dream university that he's always wanted to go to, and last year he didn't get accepted in to it and was very upset. this year I secretly applied after being encouraged from a teacher, and to my surprise I got in. I want to go, but I'm not sure how to tell my brother this.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/96zhur/update_recently_found_out_that_i_17m_got_into_my/)
On Saturday I was able to speak to my brother and tell him that I got into the university. He was really happy for me, like a lot of people said he would be. When I told him I got in he gave me a huge hug and was really excited. It was such a huge relief.
He asked me if it was my top choice, since he didn't know I had applied. I told him it was and he said that we have to celebrate then. He told me I didnt seem excited enough and I should be really proud of myself, and he asked if it was the shock of just finding out.
When I told him I find out a few days ago and he was the only one that knew he asked me whats going on, because I wasnt reacting to the great news like it was great news. I admitted that I worried about telling him because I didnt want him to be mad.
We talked about it and he basically said what everyone in the comments said, that he's proud of me and happy for me. I mentioned that I got into a different program than his and my requirements were lower, and he told me to not downplay my success and to stop worrying about him being mad because he wasn't. He told me that when I told out parents he wanted me to be more confident and proud of myself, because I did something great.
Yesterday while we were hanging out at his buddy's house he told me I should tell them the news, when I didnt want to because I hate talking about myself he asked if could tell them, which I told him was OK. they were all happy for me too. Honestly, he's reaction was better than I even hoped for, but looking back I should have expected it from him because that's always been the type of brother he is.
TL;DR told my brother I got into the university and he incredibly supportive and happy for me. He told me not limit my success to make other people more comfortable, and that he was proud of me (which meant a lot to hear). | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/il63um/i_recently_found_out_that_i_17m_got_into_my/ | il63um | 4,776 | 331 | [
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2020-09-02T15:24:24 | "My [25f] boyfriend [26m] of 10 months is best friends with his ex [20s?f]. She refuses to meet me and it's getting weird." | r/relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/6mql7n/my_25f_boyfriend_26m_of_10_months_is_best_friends/) from three years ago is by /u/bfsbestfriendex.*
I started dating my boyfriend, Jeff, 10 months ago. This relationship has been amazing so far and I definitely see a future with him. There's just one problem: he has a weird relationship with his ex that's starting to make me really uncomfortable and suspicious.
When we started dating, he often talked about his best friend, Jenna, who he also owns a business with. He made it pretty clear that she was an important person to him. I knew they had spent vacations together and he mentioned hanging out with her parents a few times, too.
A few weeks after I met him, I creeped through all his pictures on facebook (because who doesn't do that with someone they just started dating?) and saw a bunch of very couple-y pictures of him and Jenna. I also found her instagram and looked through it, and it's FILLED with pictures of Jeff. A bunch of them had the hashtag #relationshipgoals and other similar things. So in this way, I figured out that they had dated. I kept waiting for him to tell me that himself, but he never did. About two months after we started dating, I straight-up asked him if he had dated her, and he admitted it.
He said that they had met in school and had similar ideals and ambitions. They dated for 9 months and broke up a year and a half ago. I asked him why they'd broken up, and he said their relationship was awful and they worked much better as friends. They started their business after they broke up and things have, apparently, been going well between them since then.
I started to get kind of suspicious about her, though, when time passed and I still hadn't met her. I met his friends and family pretty soon after we started dating, but I didn't meet Jenna. I went to numerous social events that I'd expect her to be at, but she was never there. There were a number of occasions when our paths ALMOST crossed and I really thought I was going to meet her, but I never did. For example, I went to their office a few times to meet Jeff after work, and Jenna was already gone. Or sometimes I'd come to meet him and he'd come outside to meet me so I wouldn't have to go inside.
Things started to get REALLY weird about three months ago. Jeff and Jenna were having an open house night one evening. Jeff came over to my place after work and we had a few hours to kill before it was time to go, so we went out for dinner and then walked to the office. I was kind of expecting that I'd come in and help them set up, but when we were a block away, he started asking me if I had lots of work to do and saying there was a really nice coffee shop nearby. He actually walked me to the coffee shop and sat me down, then left to go get ready with Jenna. He told me to come to the office in an hour and a half.
About half an hour before I left for the office, I texted Jeff and said I hoped everything was going well and asked if there was anything I could do. He replied and said, "Something's come up for Jenna and she can't be here tonight."
I was getting really suspicious at this point. I went to the office half an hour later and sure enough, Jenna wasn't there. People kept asking about her ALL night and Jeff told them she'd had a family emergency.
When we walked back to the car later that night, he told me what happened. While he and Jenna were getting ready, she had had a panic attack and said she was scared to meet me. She said she wouldn't be able to handle it and either had to leave, or he had to tell me not to come. He told her to leave, so she did.
Since then, a couple more weird things have happened, and I still haven't met Jenna. Once, when I was hanging out with Jeff, we went to the office so he could grab something. When we were almost there, he looked at his phone and said, "Jenna's still there. Let's just go for a walk." So we walked around the block for half an hour and then came back when she was gone.
After that happened, I told Jeff I felt really uncomfortable with the situation. I could respect that they were friends who had dated, but the way she was acting about me was very suspicious. He apologized and said he had actually been really mad at her, but wasn't sure what to do. He also told me a couple other weird stories about things she'd done. He went to a party a few weeks ago (I didn't go) and his phone had died that night. When he got home and charged his phone, it was full of texts from Jenna saying she was outside in her car and asking if I was there or not. She actually never even ended up going to the party, simply because SHE DIDN'T KNOW IF I WAS THERE OR NOT.
Now here's the kicker: Jeff and Jenna are currently on a two-week-long camping trip. They've been planning this trip since before I met him, but considering the way she's behaved, I feel very uncomfortable about him being on this trip. I just looked at her instagram and she's posted five new pictures of him. As awesome as Jeff is, I'm really fed up with this and I'm seriously considering breaking things off when he gets back. Am I being unreasonable?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9mv737/update_my_25f_boyfriend_26m_of_10_months_is_best/)
I wrote my previous post over a year ago, and a lot has happened since then. I wanted to give everyone an update, since the advice on this sub was really helpful at the time.
For a few months after I wrote my OP, nothing much happened. Jeff and I continued dating, and he continued being friends/partners with Jenna. I never met her, but everything else in our relationship seemed to be going so well that I decided I'd try to deal with it.
Things got really hard, however, when I had to take a work contract 12 hours away from home for three months. I hardly saw Jeff the whole time, and I looked at Jenna's instagram almost every day to see if she'd posted more photos of them together. More often than not, she had. Since I wasn't physically present, I felt like Jenna was his real girlfriend. I felt completely worthless and constantly stressed out, knowing my boyfriend was spending all his time with another woman who I already had suspicions about.
While I was away for work, I decided to break up with Jeff. I broke up with as soon as I came back, and I made it very clear that his relationship with Jenna was intolerable for me. I told him he was going to have a hard time dating anyone who wasn't her as long as she was still in his life. He kept saying he didn't understand why it was such a problem. He told me he couldn't control her behaviour, but he promised me he hadn't cheated on me. I explained to him that by allowing their friendship to continue, he was condoning her behaviour. I told him I didn't really even care if he'd physically cheated or not, since he'd already shown disrespect for me and our relationship.
I didn't speak to him for a few months and I went on with my life. I took another contract out of town and even considered moving permanently to another city. One night, though, Jeff called me and apologized. He said he had been thinking about our relationship a lot and realized he had been in the wrong. He said his relationship with Jenna was beginning to feel toxic to him, and he'd made arrangements to dissolve their business partnership. After that, I decided to meet up with him (not necessarily give him another chance) and discuss the situation further. When we met up, he promised to stop talking to Jenna and unfollowed her on all social media.
As of now, he has not spoken to her in six months, and we've gotten back together. We actually ran into her at a concert a few weeks ago, and they didn't even say hi to each other. I feel much more respected and confident in my relationship now. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/il8u7f/my_25f_boyfriend_26m_of_10_months_is_best_friends/ | il8u7f | 7,870 | 89 | [
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2020-09-03T17:54:57 | "Can I invoice the police for wasting my time/money/loss of wages?" | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/e0y3l8/can_i_invoice_the_police_for_wasting_my/) by u/SoGoodUK*
 
Last month a police officer from a police force over 200 miles away contact me about his wish to invite me in for a "Voluntary interview" (He said Voluntary interview but told me if I didn't attend I would be arrested at work so really I had no choice).
After some liaising with him and He was good enough to let me enjoy my holiday out of the UK before I attended but last Tuesday I attended the police station, the time he wanted me to attend it worked out cheaper to travel up the night before, stay in a hotel than get a peak time train. So I did so at a cost of £144 to myself self and I took a day unpaid leave from work (was too short notice to book paid leave). I confirmed with the officer the day before that everything was still confirmed for Tuesday and he confirmed.
When I attended the police station on Tuesday morning I was told the officer was off shift / on rest-day. He had asked someone to reach out and let me know but apparently the message didn't get through.
He then re-arranged for Friday of last week again the same situation, he could only do before 11am, due to the time it takes me to travel and the cost of peak train ticket's I got a budget hotel the night before and the train down at a further cost to me of £168 (was shorter notice so the hotel was more expensive but still worked out £30 cheaper than getting the train in peak times.
So I'm now £312 physically out of pocket and will have around £500 less in my wage packet this month for taking two days unpaid leave.
The long and short of the entire interview was a few question's and as advised by my lawyer to say no comment the entire way throughout. He then told me that I had to wait around for him for 20-30 minutes which I did in the reception of the police station. Before he asked me to come through and told me that there would be "No further action".
An entire waste of my time and the police's time. So in this situation can I invoice the police force for my lost of £812?
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/ikmpo5/update_can_i_invoice_the_police_for_wasting_my/)
A little under a year ago I posted looking for advice on what I believed at the time to have been a malicious use of police power making me travel 200 miles and take time off work costing me the tune of just over £800.
I soon after found that the officer in question was friends on Facebook with the complainant and several members of their family. I submitted a complaint that was rejected by the forces complaints and professional standards department. Which I guess was ok nothing criminal my side came out of it though it was a little scary having to head to a police station not knowing if I was going to be locked up etc for something I hadn't done.
I was more miffed with the fact I was heavily out of pocket. I decided to send off a claim form to the county court money claim center for the entirety of monies owed plus interest. They were given a window of time to reply which they did not and it was ruled in my favor. (Before getting set aside) for them to not supply a defense AGAIN and getting ruled in my favor a second time.
I am happy to say that today I have received a payment of almost £950 including my fees and interest from the police force in question (In the form of a cheque).
So happy result from me and took a while but I got my funds back! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ilyhso/can_i_invoice_the_police_for_wasting_my/ | ilyhso | 3,530 | 301 | [
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2020-09-03T20:02:13 | "My [F27] flatmate [F27] has told my boyfriend [M31] she's in love with him." (r/relationships) | r/relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/hczgd8/my_f27_flatmate_f27_has_told_my_boyfriend_m31/) is by /u/DiscombobulatedOwl81.*
I [F27] moved into my flat in October of last year to take the place of a mutual friend of mine and my new flatmate [F27]. We have a generally great atmosphere in the flat, and both have similar expectations and habits and while we're not 'friends' yet (as in we wouldn't go out for brunch or be each others plus ones for parties) we are very friendly. She seems super normal and level.
When the lockdown began (March), my boyfriend [M31] of two years was living with his sister, and his mother (undergoing chemo) who lived alone, needed somewhere to stay where she could be looked after, so she moved into his room and he came to stay with us. My flatmate was totally fine, and we had a proper chat about ground rules etc, but ultimately the flat is huge for two people and she has a kind of granny flat set up in hers. Either way, she gave definite approval.
Now, we three got on great, but never really spent a tonne of time together. We all work from home and spend the occasional evening playing games or whatever, but ultimately we didn't mingle much more than before. My boyfriend, however, cooks every night for the both of us, as a thank you, and so we do now eat together, and my flatmate seemed happy to be included.
It was great. However, last week, my boyfriend took me aside and told me that while he was in the courtyard hanging out the washing she "ambushed" him from behind and gave a huge speech about how she's in love with him, and while she "respects" he's with me, she has deep feelings for him, and that she's available if he were single. Oh, and please don't tell OP. She didn't try to kiss him, but tried to hold his hand....
He was very anxious and flustered when he was telling me this. The flat atmosphere is VERY awkward now, but as far as she knows, he's not said a word. She's not said anything else to him, but he did mention that she had touched his arm a couple of times as she was walking past recently and it's really gotten under my skin. My BF is also confused because he hasn't spent that much time with her apart from dinner, and never alone.
I spoke to our mutual friend who was shocked, and says she's never done anything like this before, and she'd never known my housemate to have a crush on anyone either. I've not seen her acting strangely in any other ways, and it hasn't outwardly affected how she treats me. We can't move rn because: virus, money etc. How do I deal with this?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/hetem6/update_my_f27_flatmate_f27_has_told_my_boyfriend/)
Okay! Firstly, thank you all for your advice (and no thank you) to the few who took it upon themselves to DM me to be inappropriate or creepy - wtf, read the room).
It gets a little intense, so first I'll just cover some things I wasn't able to in my original post.
I trust my boyfriend completely. Even if I didn't, this apartment is large, not massive....I know where that beloved MF is 24/7. A lot of you asked when after my housemates confession he told me about it: he told me a couple of hours afterwards. He explained to me after we had a chat about it that he was afraid I wouldn't believe him or be angry, because at first he'd thought it was a weird joke that made him uncomfortable, and he felt (rightly so) weirded out. I agree with the bulk of you that her continued touching is harrassment, and while a number suggested he just confront her himself, I empathise with being in a situation without breathing room where someone is sexually harrassing you. It's not easy, and you can quickly find yourself unsure if those brief moments of crossing a line happened. He's not on our lease, and understandably he was concerned about me and the power dynamic in the house (bc her room is a mini granny flat, she pays the bigger share).
I also don't believe that it was, as some suggested, a hypomanic episode. I have BP2 and while I understand the 'love rush', she exhibited zero other behaviours, and never tried to contact my BF outside of the weird touching. I also can appreciate there's no way she was actually in 'love'.
SO:
Yesterday, after a tense few days of trying to avoid her, my BF and I were in the kitchen at breakfast, with her around in the living area. I went to 'our' bathroom (she has an en suite) which is just off the main area to brush my teeth. I walked back out to grab my phone as she was sidling behind my boyfriend who was looking in the fridge, and caught her running her hand and forearm across his lower back where his tee shirt had ridden up a little. My boyfriend, who didn't see me, yelped really loudly and just lost it. He yelled at her to "stop!" and when they both saw me he starts going "you see?! You see?! This is what I was talking about!"
I was furious, just whole body anger, and I could see she had now realised he HAD told me about her confession/behaviour, and just sprinted to her room and slammed the door. My BF and I went out for a walk to calm down, and he kept apologising for not being "more firm", but he was shaken up - some of you told me I should just confront her head on, which in the moment I 100% sided with, I was so angry for him. He told me he'd rather give her the opportunity to do it diplomatically. I appreciated what you guys said about lock down being extenuating, and in discussion with our mutual friend, I was willing to believe that an element of it was naivete, and a bit of fantasy gone too far. I was willing to be kind to her.
When we returned with a plan of action, we knocked on her door but she didn't answer. We tried a couple of times but she wouldn't come out, although she was 'seeing' my Whatsapp messages. Come late afternoon, I was just over it, so I knocked, and told her I was coming in. I sat her down on her bed and told her gently but firmly it was inappopriate, making us uncomfortable, told her she had to get the hell over it/herself if she intended to continue to live with us. She burst into tears and starts crying about how she's "so sorry" and what a "bad person' she is, and she can't believe the pressure of lockdown is getting to her, whatever, and I felt bad. Started sympathising, trying to be compassionate...and then she says "It's just so unfair that the guy I'm in love with has a really great girlfriend".
Reader, I lost my shit. Unfair, my ass. I told her she had a lot of growing up to do, and perspective to learn, and that she owed the house an apology. She started to have a meltdown, a full, weeping, hiccuping snotty meltdown. AND THEN when I stood up to leave, I spotted, in her clothes rack, my freaking shirt. I took it, and went back to my room.
My housemate cried loudy with the door OPEN until 7PM (for....attention???) when I cracked. I used our emergency contact sheet, called her mum, told her she had to come pick up my housemate. I've never met this woman who came rushing in like a superstar, but the look of annoyance and embrassament on her face when she arrived and found her 27 y/o daughter having a tantrum told me this wasn't a new part of her personality. My housemate also STFU pretty quickly after she realised her mum was there. They didn't say anything to us, and we just hid in our room until they were gone. I think she'll be gone at least for a while, but I texted her to let her know it would be best if she texted me before she came back. IDK when I'll see her. Technically the lease ends in August so my BF and I think we can make it work and find someone new, and if not, it's not so long til we can resign without her.
As a coda to all this?? My BF mentioned if she took a blouse, maybe she took other stuff too. I appreciate some of you may consider this an invasion of privacy, but I did go back in, just to check the clothes rack. I found: a set of my jeans, my tee shirt, one of my boyfriends work shirts, a vinyl I owned, my fucking charm bracelet from when I was a KID from inside my jewellery box, and a sheet of my old antidepressants...this was just what was on the rack/on display. I imagine there's more in the drawers. I don't know if this was the right thing to do, but I left them there for now bc I don't want there to be any 'doubt' she stole them. There's zero chance she's going to live here any more. Honestly, I hope she does get help. I'm really angry and violated, as is my BF, but I can empathise with the havoc an uncontrolled mental health issue can wreak on your behviour, and while it's still wrong, it still sucks for her to experience it and lose friends. NOTE: I can't be sure, none of us can! But I feel like maybe (?) she has a histrionic personality disorder.
TL;DR: my relatively normal housemate who told my BF she was in love with him turned out to also be a thief. Yikes!!
PS! Our mutual friend has told me another friend who went to school with my housemate had told her a rumour she'd told a bunch of people in their year that she had leukemia. YIKES. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/im0yrv/my_f27_flatmate_f27_has_told_my_boyfriend_m31/ | im0yrv | 9,090 | 86 | [
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2020-09-04T05:05:19 | "Am I the asshole for not telling my ex I got pregnant?" (r/AITA) | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h83lq5/aita_for_not_telling_my_ex_i_got_pregnant/) is by /u/daisycherryblossoms.*
I (28 F) was with my ex-husband for about 6 years. During this time, we were trying for a baby but had no success.
About 4 years into our marriage, our marriage had a rough patch. My ex had stress had work and slept with his coworker to ‘relieve’ it. He confessed to me rather quick and a week later, they sat me down and told me they were expecting a child.
I was an idiot back then and so I felt like I should forgive him because I truly believed he loved me and I thought I had no one.
It wasn’t. My ex’s family treated me like their own, but my ex’s supposed daughter was the apple of their eye. As a result of that, my exs coworker was frequent presence in our lives. They felt like they had to include the mom of their grandchild for everything too and she made her way in every family picture and memory. It didn’t help that I suspected that the coworker had feelings for my ex and flirted with him when she can.
People thought that she was my exs wife constantly and I finally had enough when during the baby girls first birthday party when I was told to take a picture of my ex, his mistress, his daughter, and his parents and it didn’t include me. It hit me that I was now treated as the other woman and I realized that I deserved more than this bullshit. I filed for divorce a few months later and left. It was the hardest time of my life but I ended up getting a promotion at work and met this sweet, wonderful guy.
Fast forward to now, me and my boyfriend are madly in love and I gave birth to an adorable baby girl that I considered a miracle baby. I got pregnant with my boyfriend like 3 months after dating him and I thought that it was strange that this could happen since my previous failed attempts with ex and had thought that I was the infertile one. It crossed my mind then that maybe he was the infertile one and he only believed mistress was pregnant with his child because they were having an affair. I didn’t say anything though because it was not my place anymore.
However, my boyfriend was so happy about my daughters birth and posted it on Facebook and tagged me in the post. I was still friends with my ex SIL on FB and she saw the post. She called me up and said that she was hurt that I didn’t let her know that I could actually get pregnant and the lack of child during my first marriage could be my ex’s fault. He took a paternity test.
The poor baby girl was NEVER my ex’s. The coworker apparently was dating this ‘terrible’ guy during the time she slept with my ex and didn’t know who the child’s father was so she just strung my ex along cause she had feelings for him and thought he’d be the best father for her child.
Now my ex blames me for not telling him that I was pregnant way before and him having to father this girl. He’s doing pretty bad now and I can’t help but feel guilty like I should’ve told him.
EDIT: I didn’t realize that I could edit my post even after the 3000 character limit.
Okay so first of all, I keep seeing that people have seen other posts like mine and some youtube video (??). If so, I’m upset that others have had similar situations as me and that some people find the situation so hilarious that they make a video out of it. I’ve also never posted on reddit before (I had a previous account for browsing not posting).
I don’t think I have to prove my story and I honestly posted this not to seek validation that my ex supposedly is the worst ever, but to gain perspective since my ex and his family were MY family and close confidantes for a large period of my life. We were pretty close and I had promised to keep in touch after the divorce (which they were super upset about), but I really couldn’t after everything that happened between us. They’re now super pissed at me for the divorce and for being complicit in my ex taking on the expenses of his not-daughter and forming a paternal connection with her for longer than he should’ve.
EDIT: So here’s what’s been happening right now, I haven’t spoken to them after this and have been avoiding my ex’s calls. He texted me saying that he is sorry and overreacted and felt guilty about prioritizing ‘people who were never really family’ over me. I only replied with asking how his daughter is because even though she isn’t biologically his, she’s still his girl. She seems like an adorable kiddo and adores her dad :(. My ex‘s mistress is able to support the girl financially so my ex won’t contribute to that but he says that he’s still going to see her every month because he feels morally obligated to. I feel bad for the girl so much because she seems to have lost her family unit (dad, grandparents, cousins).
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ilyfhs/update_aita_for_not_telling_my_ex_i_got_pregnant/)
I got messages asking me to update and I’m now frequently on Reddit so I thought why not?
First things first, I’m getting married! My boyfriend proposed a few weeks ago and we’ll be tying the knot once this whole mess of a year is over.
I know a lot of people here said that my ex’s family is toxic and I shouldn’t keep in touch with them, but I did contact them to tell them about my engagement, eek!
It went.. well. My ex-MIL cried and told me she was happy for me and apologized for everything. She felt bad about what happened and promises to keep in touch with me. My ex-SIL also apologized for blowing up at me but she was just very overwhelmed by everything going on in her family’s life. I can sympathize and told her that all is forgiven.
This family is still super important to me but this felt more like closure and I’m at peace with my feelings now. It’s a chapter in my life that was bittersweet with a lot of great memories but is now closed. I’ll always look back fondly, but now it’s time for me to move on.
The last I’ve heard, My ex’s ex-child(???) is living with her mother and her biological father is now more involved in her life. My ex stopped visiting all together and doesn’t seem to be in great shape but I haven’t inquired because I don’t feel like it’s my place anymore. I wish him well and hopefully he’s able to move on from this.
For those who messaged me saying that this is fake, believe what you want to believe. I don’t really care anymore that you think this is from a youtube video. I just hope that those who are reading this know that even though you are struggling, are in tough times, or are just depressed with your life, know that it WILL get better. It happened to me and it happened to a lot of people. You too are special and you too will achieve happiness. Don’t give up on yourself. Do what is right. If you think this is fake, believe it so as long as you get this message loud and clear.
Mucho love to those who supported me, love ya 💕 | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/im9w7z/am_i_the_asshole_for_not_telling_my_ex_i_got/ | im9w7z | 6,937 | 194 | [
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2020-09-04T18:33:18 | A short and sweet r/legaladvice post about a NYC landlord who illegally shut off tenants' electricity in the middle of a heat wave | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/cg42cd/my_landlord_shut_off_the_electricity_in_the/) is by /u/Only_Dance.*
We are in New York. Electricity is included in our rent. Yesterday, the landlord put notices on our doors warning that our power consumption was "unreasonable" (trying to survive 100+ degree heat in a very poorly insulated building with no central AC will do that, I guess). She threatened to "suspend service temporarily" if we continued. The notice started with "attention residents" and I saw identical papers on some other doors, so I assume it was directed at all tenants.
2 hours ago she followed through with her threat. The power is out in my apartment. The hallways and stairs are barely lit. My landlord is not answering her phone.
What can I do? With the kind of person she is, I'm worried that she'll just wait for the end of the extreme heat, evade consequences by turning the power back on, and pull this shit again in the next heat wave.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/cgfjsf/update_my_landlord_shut_off_the_electricity_in/)
This happened in NY.
I'd like to thank everyone who replied to that post. It was very helpful.
After the post my SO and I decided to get a hotel. When we came back this morning the power was back on. My neighbor told me what happened:
Shortly after we'd left, someone in the building called 911 because their son was showing symptoms of heat exhaustion (he's fine now btw). The firefighters were curious as to why the power was off. Long story short, after the kid was safe they had a nice talk with the landlord about endangering a child's life to save some money, and she was asked to turn the power back on.
The poor kid's parents have already begun complaints to the relevant authorities. I'll be meeting a lawyer tomorrow about breaking my lease. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/imlj28/a_short_and_sweet_rlegaladvice_post_about_a_nyc/ | imlj28 | 1,893 | 226 | [
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2020-09-05T03:21:37 | "A guy drove off with my couch while I was moving in because 'If it’s on the street corner it’s public property.'" (r/legaladvice) | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/axq0tu/a_guy_drove_off_with_my_couch_while_i_was_moving/) is by /u/Pick-My-New-Name.*
Longtime lurker first time poster.
I just moved (Nevada) and it was just me and a couple friends unloading, so we left some things on the street next to the moving truck while we did heavier items like desks, shelves, etc. as a team.
I came out after bringing in some more boxes (had been gone roughly 15 minutes) to find a guy had loaded my couch into the bed of his truck.
I ran up to him, and explained I own the couch. He said since it was on the street corner it’s public property and he’s within his rights to take it. He drove off before I could block his car. I did get his license plate and went to the police to make a report but they asked me if it was in fact on the curb and I said it was, but it was also pretty obviously next to a moving truck, it was wrapped up and surrounded by boxes. (And, I told him it was mine and I was moving.) But the police didn’t say anything that inspired hope.
The couch has been in the family three generations now and while it probably isn’t worth more than a few hundred bucks, it is sentimentally priceless.
Is there anything else I can do or further ways to escalate this to get my couch back?
Thanks all.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/b3llj5/update_a_guy_drove_off_with_my_couch_while_i_was/)
Thank you to the user who suggested I look in the Facebook marketplace. I found it in there and got the name of the man who took it.
I took that information to the police and the man had other complaints of petty theft against him.
Even better, one of the people who helped me move realized my neighbor has a video doorbell and I was able to get proof to the cops that the man stole my couch with me standing right there with a moving truck and boxes.
A friendly officer went to his house and got my couch back, as well as a few other stolen outdoor furniture pieces (one was a bench from a local restaurant, I don’t know the other situations.)
I deeply appreciate your legal advice, I now won’t have to tell my parents the beloved multi-generational couch is gone. Cheers! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/imu2xn/a_guy_drove_off_with_my_couch_while_i_was_moving/ | imu2xn | 2,235 | 311 | [
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2020-09-05T15:37:51 | "My landlord wants to fine/evict me for having [gay] sex with my partner in my apartment, calling it 'illegal activity'. Does he technically have a case?" (r/legaladvice) | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7m9zdu/ma_landlord_wants_to_fineevict_me_for_having_sex/) is by /u/Bostonsexylathrow.*
So, bit of a weird one, so please bear with me.
I rent an apartment from a man who lives down the street. It's a nice enough apartment and up till now I've had very few issues.
The problem is he's rather... conservative, and I'm rather... gay.
Once he found out that my boyfriend wasn't just a friend who spent a lot of time with me, he tried to bar him from coming over. I told him to "pound sand", as it goes.
Now he sent me a letter stating that effective immediately, there shall be a $250 fine every time I "commit the sin of homosexuality" in my apartment. If I refuse to sign the addendum, he claims he will file to evict me due to breach of the lease, specifically the clause that the premesis shall not be used for illegal activity.
He cites MA state code that criminalizes fornication (sex outside marriage), and "crimes against good nature", which he insists means homosexual relations (the statute does not define it any further).
I looked them up, and they are evidently real crimes. I know they're not enforceable by any stretch, but have I technically done "illegal activity" in my apartment?
I really don't want to move early (lease started in Sept), or have an eviction on my record.
I know this seems absolutely silly, but the fact that they are still technically crimes in the book gives me a little pause.
Do I need to take this seriously, or can I start coming up with more ways to say pound sand? What should I do if he does try to take further action?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7mo8qv/update_landlord_threatening_to_evict_me_for/)
Well, here's my update! And with good news!
So first of all, I just wanted to say: wow. The amount of support I received, both in replies and in PMs, was absolutely amazing. Everything from fantastic advice to hilarious commentary. The person who said "Sand is a weird name for a guy" had me in stitches.
That said - I feel like people assumed a much worse picture of my landlord (people telling me to buy cameras, etc). He's a nice enough person, but has some very problematic views. He grew up in rural (Arkansas, I think? That or Alabama) and came to MA later in life. This was his first time being a landlord, so he still had the idea in his head that it was "his house", so to speak. That, coupled with the fact that up till now he'd avoided even talking with people who were openly gay, led to a lot of ignorance.
I know some of you were hoping I'd screw him over for all he's worth, or torment him with daily updates of my gay agenda, but alas, I decided to take the calmer approach, and it seemed to work.
Yesterday I sat down with him, and first laid out the various information that you guys helped me find. Everything from sexual orientation being a protected class, treble damages, and the fact that those old laws and 100% completely unenforceable. He realized VERY quickly that he was in the wrong, and he has fucked up bad. He also admitted that even he didn't know what he defined as "the sin of homosexuality", or how he'd enforce the fine. He just kneejerk reacted to the (to him) shocking news.
We ended up chatting for about 2 hours then, and it started with me dispelling a lot of misconceptions about gays (some of his notions were comically bad - like, if I weren't having the conversation with him I'd think he were a caricature). He's a lot older than me, and his kids recently moved across the country (and he was renting their house for him), so I think he had some notions of being a father figure to me, and thinking he could "lay down the law" or "set me straight". He seemed genuine, and seemed to be legitimately concerned for me and my soul. I reminded him to hate the sin and not the sinner, and that seemed to resonate with him.
He still doesn't agree with homosexuality or my lifestyle, but he's willing to accept it. He seemed to be earnestly trying, and in my mind that counts for a lot. He agreed to write both me and my boyfriend a letter of apology (which I will be keeping copies of in case this matter comes up again and needs to go to court).
The past few days have been super stressful, but it seems to be resolved. If things go well, I might even potentially renew the lease come September. I'll still be on guard for any shenanigans, but I think I'll leave the issue where it lies for now. If this was all a ruse or him backpedaling, I'll go at him with everything I can in the future - but for now I'm satisfied. I'm truly appreciative of all the people who offered advice and moral (and immoral!) support in the original thread. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/in36bq/my_landlord_wants_to_fineevict_me_for_having_gay/ | in36bq | 4,760 | 391 | [
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2020-09-05T22:21:33 | "School wants my son's Facebook password & email, also wants us to hand over any phone or computer that he's had access to in the last year. WTF?" (r/legaladvice) | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6pcmwx/school_wants_my_sons_facebook_password_email_also/) is by /u/Erica-seli.*
My son is 15.
Today I received a phone call from the school, telling me that they are doing an investigation into a series of very serious incidents that happened last year and they would like to have the password for my son's Facebook account, also asking me to disable two-step verification if his account has it. They also said it would really be a great help if I hand over any phones, tablets or computers that my son has had access to in the last year, removing any passcode or login restriction.
I was shocked about hearing this. I asked about the incident and I was told that they can't tell me since it doesn't directly concern my son, that they only seek this to see if there has been any mention of it in the communications that my son has had with his friends which might help them uncover some information.
I declined. Told them that I'm happy to talk to them about the incident in person if it concerns my son but other than that this is very unreasonable and really none of our business. I was told something along the lines of "I strongly recommend you to help us. This is a very serious issue for a few other students and to be honest with you refusal will have some consequences, I'm mostly talking about your son's future at the school in the coming school year and but also potentially legally. I really hope you cooperate for all our sake."
I told her to send us what they want in writing. She said that she hopes we're not trying to make this difficult as "lives are on the line here", I insisted that I want it for my records. She said they might do that.
So my question is... WTF? They can't be serious about this. My instinct is to get a lawyer if we received anything in writing but really what I'm wondering about is how far can they go in this so-called "investigation"? Let's say when school starts, my son takes a phone or iPad to school? Can they confiscate and look through it? Can they force him to reveal the passcode to it or force him to use his fingerprint to unlock? How do I make sure they can't just invade our privacy like that?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/76l4i3/update_school_wants_my_sons_facebook_password/)
I went to school and asked what's going on. I did that both to confirm that the call was genuine and to see why they want to violate my son and our family's privacy on such a massive scale.
First, the call was genuine and it wasn't a scam. Second, the principal explained the situation to me. It had to do with another student who attempted suicide because of bullying during the summer. Thank goodness she is now alright (and has since moved to another school) but this was part of the school's investigation to figure out how it happened.
When I asked how is it any of my son's business, they said they've seen them hang out together and while they don't think my son was involved in the bullying himself, they'd like to read his conversations with her because she may have confined in him about the students involved in bullying. I asked why this information wasn't obtained from the parents of that student, the answer was that they weren't willing to work with the school about it and she had left so they had no power (strange use of words in this situation) over them.
I told them to leave my son out of this witchhunt and the way they're speaking to us they sound like they're trying to bully us into helping their anti-bullying investigation which is troubling and absurd. I told them that if they ever approach my son or try to take his phone or anything by force or threat I'm going to make a big deal out of this, talk to the superintendent and hire a lawyer.
Up until this day, they haven't said or done a thing.
I talked to my son about the girl and what happened to her, he knew her and they had some mutual friends but they weren't exactly friends and he wasn't aware of her suicide attempt. He only knew that she had left the school. He showed me their conversations and there wasn't much there except talking about movies and tv shows.
In short: they backed off after I made sure they understood that I won't take any harassment or violation of our privacy lightly.
Small edit; thanks for the couple of who messaged me the mistake. Someone messaged me and asked me if the parents of the girl had allowed the school to share the suicide news with me. I will try talking to them to make sure. They deserve to know if the school is not respecting their privacy, it's something they seem to be good at.
---
**Top comment on [the r/bestoflegaladvice meta-discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/76lkpb/school_wanted_access_to_students_facebook_and/) from /u/theletterqwerty:**
The *school's* investigation? Entire schools are pretending to be fucking Batman now? | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/inabsx/school_wants_my_sons_facebook_password_email_also/ | inabsx | 4,972 | 298 | [
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2020-09-07T01:07:24 | "My boyfriend is unhappy with my new sleep schedule and thinks it has made me boring." | Relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/623bso/me_21f_with_my_boyfriend_21m_of_nearly_4_years_he/) is by /u/Conversation162020.*
Sorry for the length and if this is a bit all over the place, I wasn't sure what information was relevant.
Tom and I have been together since we were 17 and right now we live together with my dad. I've recently been trying to sort out my sleep schedule so that on the days when I work, it's easier for me to get out of bed and I can get up early enough to cycle to work. On weekdays, I normally get up at around 5 and if I'm working I will leave at 6 and on my days off I will go for a walk and do some exercise. In the evenings I try to have a shower and get ready for bed around 9pm so I can go to bed by 9:30pm. I enjoy doing this as it makes me feel more rested, more productive and generally healthier.
He is a night owl and doesn't go to bed until anywhere between 2:30 and 4am every night. This means he doesn't wake up until 10am at the earliest. His sleeping habits don't bother me, and while it would be nice to go to bed together, I am happy with the way things are, especially as we both only work 2 or 3 days a week so this leaves us with plenty of time to spend together during the week. If his sleeping pattern is working for him, that's all that matters, I don't think its my place to try and change it.
He, however, does have a habit of making me feel bad when I tell him I'm going to bed. We have a large room to ourselves and all our consoles, his computer, our TV etc. are in our bedroom. I ask him to go upstairs (there's another TV and he keeps his laptop up there too) for half an hour while I try to sleep and after I'm asleep he can come back downstairs and game or do whatever as long as he leaves the main lights off and keeps the sound off. Normally when I ask him to do this he will sulk and last night he told me he doesn't think he can be with someone like this and that sleeping like this has made me "incredibly boring".
I would happily compromise with him and stay up later on the weekends to go out or stay in and spend time together but he works Friday and Saturday nights until 12 or 1 am. And actually I do stay up that late anyway because he doesn't drive and so I drop him to work and pick him up. Whenever we get back after his shift he still asks me to stay up with him. Last weekend I thought we reached a good solution for the nights he works. I said I would cook for him so when he came back he didn't have to spend time making food, and we could watch an episode of a TV show before I go to bed. That's all I can do before I can't stay up any longer. He seemed happy with that solution but we haven't tried it yet so I don't know if that'll work.
I don't know what to do, he really seems angry at me and I don't know why. I don't think its asking a lot for him to leave our room while I'm trying to sleep, and the only couple days I would be willing to stay up later he's already working. I don't think this is something to break up over, because I feel that eventually we will both have jobs that are more similar in hours, but I don't know what else I can do to make him happy with our current situation.
EDIT: I talked to him this afternoon when he woke up and he seemed to not want to fight about the sleeping thing anymore so that's good I guess? Regardless this post got way more attention than I expected and there's a few people who think he's taking advantage of me, he earns more than I do so it's not like he is using me for money, and with regard to driving, he either goes with his stepdad who works odd hours or my dad and we've just had a family death so he feels bad asking my dad right now. Also I think if i flat out refuse to drive him to work he will start saying he never wanted a manual car and that's why its taking him so long to learn. Anyway we both need to grow up! I've tried talking to him previously about his goals and future plans but he never really has anything to say. Any tips for talking to him about this? I worry he'll start thinking of me as some kind of killjoy nagging girlfriend if I push it too hard idk.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ed8l4n/update_my_boyfriend_of_4_years_called_me_boring/)
So my original post is years old now and I wouldn't say it was that popular but I was looking at my post history and can't believe I posted that, it seems like a lifetime ago.
TL;DR of original post, my bf was a man child who hardly worked and expected me to cook for him, drive him around and stay awake to watch his endlessly boring life from the sidelines. I refused to accept the fact I needed to grow up and leave him.
I was completely oblivious to all the problems in our relationship and I refused to leave Tom even though it was very clearly the right thing to do. I broke up with him maybe 6 months after I posted but we got back together even though I was moving to another country to teach English for a few months. While I was away he hardly ever spoke to me, never asked me how I was and grew increasingly disrespectful to me. I came back home early because I felt bad leaving him for so long.
We had plans to move overseas together but he was getting cold feet saying he didn't want to leave his best friend. I broke up with him again and decided to move overseas by myself. It was terrifying to be alone after being with Tom for so long but it was 100% the right decision. Turns out he had started sleeping with his best friend while I was overseas teaching English. Also turns out I'm a lesbian, so there's that.
Tom still lives at my dad's place and works the same job, I've just bought my first flat and I'm having a wonderful time living overseas and being truly independent. I have grown so much in the last few years and done things I could never imagine doing while I was stuck in a dead end relationship. I know now that being alone is so much better than being with someone who doesn't love you.
TL;DR I was in a terrible relationship with a guy that took advantage of me and was never willing to grow up, I was terrified of being by myself but it was the best decision I could've made for myself! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/inxzvu/my_boyfriend_is_unhappy_with_my_new_sleep/ | inxzvu | 6,229 | 272 | [
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2020-09-07T19:47:01 | A really strange one: "I'm pregnant and being investigated by the Department of Child Services." | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5smsoi/indiana_im_pregnant_and_being_investigated_by_dcs/) is by /u/babyblues17.*
Hello,
I'm twenty-nine years old, happily married, my husband and I are college-educated, have respectable, stable jobs, own a home in a nice neighborhood...we're basically as prepared as anyone can be to start a family. I'm almost nine months pregnant with our first child.
The problem is that eleven years ago, when my husband was a freshman in college, he was arrested for possession of marijuana. It was a large enough amount that he was charged with a Class D felony (our jurisdiction is very harsh regarding marijuana), but not intent to deal. He plead guilty and did his time and probation without a problem, passing every drug test along the way. He has not touched marijuana (or any other illegal substance) since, and we rarely even drink (and haven't at all in over a year). I have no criminal record, and have never done drugs myself. It was a stupid mistake he made as a foolish eighteen-year-old, and he's worked hard to put it behind him.
Someone has apparently contacted Child Services in our area and informed them that we are drug users. This accusation is being taken very seriously because of my husband's record. We have been as cooperative as could be with our caseworker. We've been interviewed, our home has been examined, and she found nothing remotely suspicious or incriminating. We have both taken drug tests and passed.
Our caseworker says that everything looks just fine so far. Unfortunately, she also says that there's still the possibility that our child could be taken from us in the labor and delivery ward, and that we won't be allowed to take her home. I was devastated and horrified to hear that. When I asked why, she said it was "not up to [her]," and "we'll have to wait and see," which made absolutely no sense to me. What gives? I feel like there's something she isn't telling me, but I have no experience with DCS and I'm not aware of anything we could have possibly done wrong. I know they'll have to test my daughter for drugs once she's born, but she has not been exposed to drugs (nothing more than prenatal vitamins--not even tylenol!), and I already proved that by passing a drug test. I'm scared and confused.
Do I need a lawyer? I had anticipated spending our savings on our new daughter/parental leave, but I will use that money for a lawyer if I have to.
Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance for your help.
TL;DR: I'm pregnant. DCS received a tip that my husband and I are actively using drugs. We are not, but my husband was arrested for marijuana possession long ago. What do we do? Is his preexisting drug conviction enough to warrant removing our newborn from us?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5ven5y/update_im_pregnant_and_being_investigated_by_dcs/)
When I made my original post, I was advised to get a lawyer right away. I was also advised that Indiana's DCS doesn't investigate pregnant women who don't already have kids, and that the woman claiming to be a social worker might be an imposter.
I contacted and met with a lawyer, and explained the situation to him. He seemed to agree that something was very fishy. To make a long story short, the woman "handling our case" has no affiliation with DCS.
I'm still in complete shock.
We went straight to the police. They're taking this very seriously. I can't give a lot of details because it's an ongoing investigation, but she seems to have been a very skilled/well-researched liar. I never would have known anything was amiss without the advice of this subreddit and the intervention of my attorney. I feel like a complete idiot, but the instinct to cooperate unquestioningly when faced with an intimidating "authority figure" is strong.
I haven't had the baby yet. We're staying at a trusted family member's home until the baby is born. My OB and the hospital we'll be delivering at have already been informed of the situation, and will be taking the appropriate security measures. I'm still freaking out, but we're taking every precaution for the safety of my child, and hopefully everything will turn out okay.
Thanks again, everybody. Truly. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ioekgc/a_really_strange_one_im_pregnant_and_being/ | ioekgc | 4,278 | 314 | [
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2020-09-07T20:33:30 | Your daily dose of wholesome: "I (26F) want to propose to my boyfriend (25M) but just found out he plans to propose as well!" | Relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/exp0i0/i_26f_want_to_propose_to_my_boyfriend_25m_but/) is by /u/loveiscoolyay.*
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 incredibly glorious years. I thought it'd be fun if I proposed to him. Secretly, I've planned everything, got a ring and set a date to do it. I wasn't going to tell my mom, dad or brothers I wanted it be a surprise to everyone and I just told my sister. When talking to my sister about it and she's smiling telling me how a great a idea it was, my eavesdropping mom goes “no no no! I wasn't supposed to tell you, but he's proposing”. My mom doesn't know when he's proposing saying he was unsure about a specific timeframe, but he showed her the ring and told my dad that he was about to “daddy him up”
I was going to propose in 2 days but now I don't know if should just let him do it, even though he doesn't have an exact timeframe. I mean he's the guy so I feel like I have to let him but I was so so excited about doing it myself. I feel like if I do it, he'll feel disappointed, even though it's already how I feel since I was so excited about this. What should I do?
TL;DR: I want to propose to my boyfriend but my mom informed me that my boyfriend is planning to propose, he has a ring but no specific timeframe. I was planning to do propose in 2 days but I feel like I have to wait and let him because he's the guy, I think he might be disappointed if I propose before he gets the chance to even though I'm already disappointed since I was so excited about doing it.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/f9ue25/update_i_26f_want_to_propose_to_my_boyfriend_25m/)
So yesterday he took me to run errands but he "randomly" decided to we should just have fun instead. He took me around the city, we tried all kinds of food, had honestly the most fun I've had since I was a kid, made memories off of little moments, I didn't think that much of it. I realized that the whole day had basically been an all day-date, I knew it had to be coming and I had the ring with me and I was going to try and propose at the same time (someone suggested this in my original post and I thought it would be cute)
He opened my door, walked me down a beautiful pathway and just looked me in the eyes and I said yes. He laughed and dropped down to one knee and I started crying and forgot that I was supposed to be proposing too. I don't even remember what he said, he was on his knee for a while saying what I'm sure were the sweetest things, but I was too busy crying. I'd already said yes before he even got down on one knee so he put the ring on my finger.
We went home and and I realized I didn't propose, he wanted to shower and we sometimes shower together so I proposed to him in there. He smiled and said “I wonder if when our first kid is born will it top this moment” then because I was on my knees in the shower he had to make a sex joke 😂
After we got out he held me while we called his parents (I'd already called my whole family in car ride home)
Yesterday was amazing and now I'm laying next to him while he plays video games and he's talking about our engagement to his friends and I couldn't be happier and I don't know how to contain all this and just ugh! I love you Nathan!❤️
Edit: Thank you to everyone congratulating us! I appreciate it very much 😊
TL;DR: He took me on a romantic all day date and popped the question. I was supposed to propose at the same time but was too busy crying form happiness, I proposed to him in the shower when we got home😂 I'm overjoyed right now! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iofhql/your_daily_dose_of_wholesome_i_26f_want_to/ | iofhql | 3,631 | 74 | [
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2020-09-08T06:47:01 | "My fiance's ex-wife has cancer. He's moved in with her and postponed our wedding." | Relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3i958y/my_26f_fiances_28m_exwife_28f_has_cancer_hes/) from 5 years ago is by /u/engagedthrowaway----.*
Apologies for length.
"Max" and I dated for two years and have been engaged for 9 months, with the wedding date set for early January. We have a healthy, honest relationship, and I've never had any reason to doubt him.
He and "Caroline" were high school sweethearts who married very young (They were both twenty-two, right out of college). They divorced after two years. Max told me that they got married too quickly and didn't realise how different their relationship would be in the "real world," i.e. when they were both working full-time jobs and struggling to pay the rent. They split up on good terms, but didn't keep in touch. He remained in our home city, while she pursued a modelling career and began travelling extensively.
Three months ago, Caroline contacted Max over Facebook out of the blue, saying she was in town and wanted to meet for coffee. He agreed. Over coffee, she told him that she had recently been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. Her odds of survival were low, but she was determined to fight it through surgery and chemo. She said that all she wanted was for Max to be by her side throughout her treatment.
Caroline's parents died shortly after she married Max. She has no siblings and the rest of her family lives overseas. She described Max as the closest thing to family she has left.
I absolutely sympathise with Caroline. The next day Max had her over to our apartment and she was completely lovely, clearly trying very hard to be optimistic even in the face of her life potentially ending before she turns 30. I feel terrible for her and for the situation that she's in, and I fully supported Max being there for her.
Her first surgery was later that month. Max flew across the country (we live on the east coast, she's on the west) and checked into a hotel a few minutes from her apartment. He's a writer, so working from his laptop is no issue. We spoke on the phone or on Skype almost every day for the two weeks he was over there.
Caroline had her surgery at the beginning of June. Unfortunately, it was not entirely successful. Her doctors moved to the next method, chemo.
Max came home after her surgery to tell me this. He explained that Caroline's treatment plan was set to begin in July and end in late January. It would be an incredibly difficult time period for her, and she wanted him with her at all times.
We can't afford to pay for a hotel until January, so he moved into her apartment, sleeping on her sofa. He's been there for the past month and we continue to Skype, though only a couple times a week now. When we spoke yesterday, Max gently told me that based on Caroline's condition, he wouldn't feel right leaving her so close to the end of her treatment. He'd like for us to postpone the wedding until February, at the very least, so that he can stay with her until her treatment is over.
I'm so conflicted. I feel awful for resenting Caroline at all - she has cancer! She's suffering immensely. But the resentment is still there. I resent her for needing Max constantly holding her hand, as though she has absolutely no friends of her own. I resent Max, too, for agreeing to this situation. We won't be seeing each other in person for months now, on top of our wedding being postponed.
I don't know what to do. I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel. Right now I'm just full of anger and guilt, and I don't know how to explain it to anyone else in my life.
tl;dr: Fiance has moved in with his ex-wife to support her during chemo, postponing our wedding as a result. Am I wrong to feel resentful? Is there a better way of handling this?
**Edit:** Everyone seems to be in agreement that this is a completely inappropriate (if incredibly sad) situation that Max isn't handling very well. I'll speak to him either tonight or tomorrow, whenever we Skype next, and tell him in no uncertain terms that I want him to come home. From there, we can decide what to do, since I don't want to leave Caroline high and dry. But him living there until February is out of the question.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3ie7m5/update_my_26f_fiances_28m_exwife_28f_has_cancer/)
First off, thank you all so much for your advice and words of support. I’m sorry that I couldn’t reply to every comment, reply, or PM that I got, but I woke up to a locked post and over 100 unread messages. I promise, I did read through every one of them. Each perspective was incredibly helpful and made me look at the situation in a completely different way. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I spoke to Max this morning. I told him that as terrible as I feel for Caroline, I don’t want him living over there until February. I suggested that we brainstorm some sort of schedule that allowed him to continue visiting her, even postponing our honeymoon and using that money to fund his plane tickets. Several commenters brought up her moving over here for treatment, so I mentioned that as well, offering up our spare bedroom. I emphasised that I didn’t fault him for wanting to help an old loved one in what could be her final days, but that I couldn’t help but feel marginalised, especially so close to our wedding.
Max didn’t speak very much, just listened while I rambled on. When I couldn’t think of anything else to add, I asked him to please say something.
So he told me the truth: Caroline was never stage 4. She was stage 2.
He assured me that the rest of his story is true. Caroline asking him to be with her, the initial surgery being unsuccessful, her chemo treatment plan, etc. But apparently her chances of survival are far greater than he led me to believe.
Max said he lied because he felt it was the only way I could understand his need to be with her. He thought that if her situation seemed less dire than literal life-or-death, I wouldn’t agree to him essentially moving across the country for her.
He admitted to telling her that our wedding had been postponed to next August, giving her the impression that him being away until February would be no problem. He has also been the one insisting on remaining by her side. After her surgery, she had given him permission to return home, saying that it wouldn’t be fair to pressure him into living with her throughout her entire chemo treatment, as much as she would have liked him there. He refused to leave. He told her that I supported this decision fully.
Max swears that he’s not in love with her still, but I just can’t believe that. He lied to my face. Before she visited our apartment back in May, he warned me not to mention her being stage 4 as she was still “extremely sensitive about it.” And I completely bought into that lie. I trusted him.
He put his past with her over his future with me. I’ll be spending the next few months apartment hunting and cancelling wedding plans.
Thank you all for your kind words.
tl;dr: Confronted fiance. He misrepresented his ex-wife’s illness so that he could spend time with her. It’s over.
**Edit:** I'm blown away by the outpouring of support I'm receiving. I wish I could respond to each of you individually. Thank you so, so much. This is a wonderful community, and I truly appreciate all of your thoughts.
**Additional updates in comments**
He kept apologising to me, not very sincerely. He just sounded tired, and when I said that I'd be moving out as soon as possible he replied, "That's probably for the best." The one thing he asked for was my ring, which I agreed to mail to Caroline's address.
I'm realising that he checked out of this relationship a while ago.
---
I intend to go no contact with him, but I might send Caroline some sort of note. She's been completely innocent throughout all of this and she deserves to know the truth, which I doubt he's told her. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iootzt/my_fiances_exwife_has_cancer_hes_moved_in_with/ | iootzt | 7,976 | 295 | [
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2020-09-08T23:10:01 | OP's former boss is gossiping to their former co-workers about OP's mental health issues. How does she know? Turns out she's married to OP's therapist. | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/anlpqr/old_coworkers_are_telling_me_my_old_boss_talks_to/) is by /u/LAthrowaway3131.*
I started seeing a therapist a couple of months ago - nothing wild, just general depression, winter weather getting to me, etc. It's been very helpful until recently. In the last few days, two of my old coworkers called me to say my old boss was saying things like "LAthrowaway3131 basically hates herself now. I heard she's not doing well, really depressed." These were phone calls, and I didn't record anything because it was so unexpected. My old boss fired me in June of 2017 (we didn't get along, general underperformance, no misconduct; just obviously didn't leave on great terms).
At first I thought it might be a friend of mine divulging things to another friend in the industry, but then after looking up said old boss, I see that her husband is my therapist (very common last name, so I'd never realized they were related).
I realize this is obviously problematic with the therapist, but I'm not sure what to do about it? He practices out of a leased single office space, so there's no overarching practice management/administration to report to.
I also don't know if what my old boss is saying is getting into legal issues, or if it's just, well, rude. I still live in the same city and work the same type of job, in a rather small/close-knit industry. So on one hand, I'm worried about word traveling around our small community, but on the other, I'm worried about bad blood if I make too much of a fuss. Help?
**Edit:** I'm now feeling reasonably confident about where to start with the therapist - thank you. However, I feel completely lost about what to do about my old boss - contact HR at the old employer? Hope it just dies down? At this point I have no proof that I could show, just saying I got phone calls, and I don't really want to pit my old coworkers against their boss if that can be avoided.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/b6cdfh/update_old_coworkers_are_telling_me_my_old_boss/)
**New developments summary:** There's still a lot of slow/bureaucratic stuff going on, but the most satisfying news is that my therapist is no longer practicing. I even saw the space he practiced out of listed as for sale on a real estate website while doing my own house hunting.
**New developments, continued:** Therapist was chatting about a client (me) to his wife (my old boss) that, it seemed, he really didn't know was his wife's old employee (large company, closely knit but not minuscule industry). I have a very peculiar family dynamic, so I think he talked about that. However, enough bits and pieces of identifying info came up that she suspected it was me. Unbeknownst to him, she found my paper records in his office and dug through them, then thought it was a great idea to tell my old coworkers that I was depressed and had family issues. Neat. One of my coworkers put in her two weeks because of a relocating spouse shortly after, then agreed to write a formal statement of what she heard, which also helped a lot. Understandably, no one else was willing to because the company's already laid off so many people in the last year.
**Resolution-in-process:** therapist seems to be less in the wrong than I thought he was (though still in the wrong), old boss is still awful. Therapist likely to receive some sort of reprimanding for both talking to his wife about me in that level of detail, as well as insecure recordkeeping. I don't know if he'll practice again.
***Thank you all*** - you were a huge help, and a confidence boost that me complaining about this would actually get it somewhere and not just create more stress in my life. It's apparently led to a ton of drama at my old workplace, which has been sort of pleasant to hear updates about from afar. Glad to not be there anymore. I also found a new therapist who's great, and she's really helped validate that the old guy (and his wife) was one bag egg in a sea of otherwise well-meaning people. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ip4dn9/ops_former_boss_is_gossiping_to_their_former/ | ip4dn9 | 4,094 | 231 | [
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2020-09-09T15:30:31 | OP's friends pulled a "prank" on OP that exacerbated their medical condition, and the friends are now blaming OP for not disclosing their full medical history to them. | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gflupe/aita_for_not_sharing_medical_history_before_being/) is by /u/Drudawgthedrood.*
Heyo, I'm a schizophrenic. Started when I was 22, and will last till I die. I'm active in schizophrenic communities, go to groups, the works but I am fairly private about it to most people to include friends. It's fairly common for people to think I'm eccentric (comes with the turf) due to some of my habits. Those habits include not going to parties or other places with lots of people, suddenly deciding not to do something (I have to be protective not to do or go to certain things if I think a delusion might be coming on), saying the occasional odd quip, normal schizophrenic stuff.
Some friends thought it would be funny to make it seem like I might be going crazy as a group. They would individually wear something silly like a wizard hat or dinosaur costume (TRex blow up costume) to a group event or say something totally out of the ordinary and pretend like it was normal (Police like to track people like you, covid is just a way to microchip you, etc). These are very real scary thoughts to me. I would ask members of the group if they had heard concerns about these conspiracies or weird garb from the other members, but they all acted like they had hung out with that particular member that day and I hadn't been involved.
I was really, really scared that this could have been a massive delusion morphing into a full psychosis so I preemptively checked myself into a hospital to stop myself from potentially hurting myself or diving further into the rabbit hole(common in schizophrenic community). I was so scared my medications stopped working. No one heard from me for a few days while I was in the hospital, and when I checked out I confided in one of them about what had happened. I got a really long apology explaining what had happened and I blew up at them.
I have ignored attempts from the others trying to apologize and have no desire to talk with them again.
AITA for not previously stating that I am schizophrenic?
Edit- People have been asking saying to post the length of the prank. Around 3 weeks.
Edit 2- Thank you for the awards and stuff, but I really want to highlight some of the messages I have gotten. I'm at around 150 messages and counting and am trying to respond to the ones where I can hopefully offer insight.
Resources that I find helpful- r/schizophrenia
For groups just google schizophrenia support groups in my area, something will pop up and when you actually get there someone will have a further list.
You get what you put into groups. You don't have to talk your first couple of times. But no one will look at you with the batshit look if you say "Reality check- is there a bird in the room or something in that regard". That did happen once and the audible sigh of relief from 8 other people and the laughter that followed was hysterical.
Medication helps so much. It's the difference between being able to go for a walk with my dog and staying in bed all day. But it takes time. So many people have asked what drug and dosage a loved on should go on. I cannot answer that. There are so many drugs out there and different dosages. I can tell you that you (probably) will not have a noticable difference in behavior in two weeks after trying a medication. You start small, and work your way up to a therapeutic effect (when it actually helps). It might take some time to actually get to feeling human again. Not every medication is meant for every person, but don't give up!
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1bxoe/update_aita_for_not_sharing_my_medical_history/)
Heyo! I had a few folks message me over the last couple of months, the latest tonight. I touches me that so many of you still message me to see if things are going well, so I wanted to update people en masse.
Life is going phenomenally. I axed the friend group, and have since been kicking butt. I realized that if my close friend group was consistently putting me down or taking advantage of me, who else could be. The biggest answer was myself. I stopped doing things I enjoyed to invest in people that took joy in hurting me (Turns out it went so much deeper than gas lighting).
I got two new hobbies, wood working and brewing. I absolutely love them both, and have made friends in those communities. I started cooking instead of take out and I met the woman who is now my girlfriend at the local market and we do most things together now. I realized my job had been taking a huge advantage over me. I worked significantly harder and longer hours for less pay than the employees under me.
After I transitioned to taking better care of myself I successfully created a resume that outlined my successes (Recognizing those successes took quite a bit of effort!) and got a new job in higher management for significantly more pay. I'm also going to buy a house this December with a yard for my dog and I. Nothing big, just a nice one bedroom with a large yard for my buddy and I to play fetch in.
So thanks Reddit. Owe you one. Never would have made life improvement if it weren't for an external force. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ipi3kk/ops_friends_pulled_a_prank_on_op_that_exacerbated/ | ipi3kk | 5,238 | 383 | [
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2020-09-10T02:38:48 | "Am I the asshole for threatening to ban my brother from my wedding because he plans on proposing to his girlfriend during the reception?" | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hryyi6/aita_for_threatening_to_ban_my_brother_from_my/?amp%25253Bamp%25253Butm_medium=ios_app&amp%25253Bamp%25253Butm_name=iossmf) is by /u/bridezilla13.*
I (25M) am getting married in December. My fiancée (24F) and I both are very excited and busy planning, and this incident is making things much more stressful.
A couple weeks ago I was talking about the wedding with my brother (30M) and he asked if it'd be okay for him to propose to his girlfriend at our wedding. I laughed and said "Yeah, sure, if you want to get your ass handed to you by my fiancée". He laughed, and I figured he got the message.
The other day my fiancée came to me, in tears, saying that my brother had called her and thanked her for letting him propose at the wedding. She told him that had never happened, and he wasn't allowed to do that, and he just laughed and thanked her again.
I called my brother back and asked him what was going on. He's insisting that he's going to propose to his girlfriend at the wedding. He claims it's "getting even" for when I announced our engagement at the same family dinner he brought his girlfriend to meet the family (I had no idea, they arrived separately and she got there after I had made the announcement).
I told him if he doesn't get it through his head that he is absolutely not allowed to propose, both him and his girlfriend won't be allowed into the wedding at all, and if he tries to pull a stunt, he'll be kicked out immediately.
He didn't take it well and told the whole family. My fiancée and I have been getting calls and messages from them telling us how shitty we are for doing that, how dare I turn my back on my brother.
He's also now blaming me for spoiling the proposal to his girlfriend and the family, because if I hadn't been "such an ass", he wouldn't have had to break the news to the family like this. I still stand by what I did, I don't think I was out of line at all, but my fiancée thinks we should have just let him propose to avoid conflict. I know it means a lot to her that everyone gets along and that there's no hard feelings, especially since she's feeling stressed as is, but I don't want to give in to my brother.
AITA?
**EDIT:** Thanks for all the responses! I didn't expect this to get this many comments.
To address something: while I understand the intent behind the suggestions, my fiancée and I will not be telling my brother that we'll announce a pregnancy at his wedding in retaliation. We are unable to conceive and this is a sore subject to us.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i75rop/update_aita_for_threatening_to_ban_my_brother/)
Firstly, thank you all so much for the crazy response on my original post. Totally unexpected, but very much appreciated by my fiancé and I.
As I mentioned a couple times in the comments of my original post, my fiancé and I wrote up a Facebook post to explain the situation to our families (mostly mine), including screenshots of texts with my brother (I decided I didn't want to link the post here as it feels a little too personal to be slapping on Reddit. Sorry!)
As expected, once the family heard our side of the story and put everything together, many of them changed their tune. Most of the family members who had been calling me an asshole ended up apologizing and siding with me and my fiancé.
My brother was livid. He called me about an hour after the post went up and demanded that I take it down because it "made him look bad". He said he was being unfairly attacked, and even blamed me for his girlfriend breaking up with him.
My brother has formally been banned from the entire wedding, and we've asked any family members who continue to side with him to RSVP that they will not be attending. Our parents aren't happy with the turnout, and my mother has decided she won't be attending my wedding because of how I'm "alienating" my brother during an important event. I don't mind; I've never been very close with her, and while it is a bit sad that she's choosing my hardheaded brother over my wedding, I still have my father's full support.
My brother's (now ex) girlfriend is still invited and got promoted to bridesmaid because of how helpful and supportive she's been to my fiancé. Hopefully this is the last issue we'll run into during wedding planning!
I hope this update lives up to any expectations. I never expected I'd be in this situation, but I'm glad so many people on this sub got a kick out of it, and very grateful for the advice and support I received. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iputtm/am_i_the_asshole_for_threatening_to_ban_my/ | iputtm | 4,623 | 163 | [
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2020-09-10T15:16:38 | OP called off her wedding after her fiance cheated on her, and then repurposed her would-be wedding dress into something new. Her engaged sister is now furious, because she assumed she'd get to wear the dress at her own upcoming wedding. | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/erfvwt/aita_for_cutting_up_and_altering_my_wedding_dress/) is by /u/aitaweddingdresscu.*
I need an unbiased opinion on this because I don't know if i was the asshole.
Throwaway because I am active in other communities and I don't want this to mix.
So I was supposed to get married 2 moths ago to my ex partner of 5 years. Sadly we broke it off because he cheated on me on his bachelor party with a striper.
I had this beautiful dress that cost me arround 2k dollars (out of my pocket). I had been very depressed since everything happened because I felt it was somehow my fault for not being sexy enough or not giving him what he wanted. So last weekend I decided to "take my power back" and I began altering the dress. I have been sewing for 15 plus years so I know what I am doing. I cut it a bit, changed the color to something less wedding-y and after a week of work I had a beautiful gown that I could use for more stuff.
The problem comes now. I uploaded that picture of the dress to Instagram with a caption that said something along the lines of " you can change the worst memories" or some shit like that.
My sister hits me up and asks me if that was my old wedding dress and I told her yes. She then called me and asked me why I had done this. I asked her why it was such a big deal. And she told me that I could have waited till after he wedding. I was so confused. Then she reminded me that when we were staying at the hotel where my wedding was supposed to happen my mom and sister where there cheering me up and my sister said something along the lines of "oh well if you are not using it i will". We all laughed so I thought it was a joke because it was never brought up again after. She just asked me once what material it was so I assumed she wanted something similar.
Now my sister is mad at me and my mom says she understands our povs. But that I could have waited 5 more moths till after her wedding to "take my power back"
AITA?
Edit : yes he fucked the stripper please stop asking me
Edit2: what the fuck is wrong with some of you. Suddenly I am the asshole for leaving my ex for cheating on me because it doesn't count because it was his bachelor party? Do you know how relationships work. Are you also going to tell me that if he cheated on a Saturday it wouldn't count? Or if he left the country? This is hilarious coming from a sub that says cheaters are the worst people In this world. Cheating is cheating period.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbq2g3/update_am_i_the_asshole_for_cutting_up_and/)
I posted approximately 5 months ago about my sister being mad at me for not giving her, what was supposed to be, my wedding dress.
So after being assured that I did nothing wrong I decided to try to talk it out with my sister. So I tried calling her but she had blocked my number. I was very Confused and talked to my mother. She was trying to still stay out of it and I got a little mad and said that it was not fair. That my sister was not right because she never formally asked me and how was I supposed to just guess that she wanted it. She tried to justify her but in the end also accepted that my sister was wrong. Non the less she told me to just give her space and that she will just come to terms with it herself.
I waited a few days till I met her in the supermarket. At first she tried to act like she didn't see me but I planted myself infront of her. She was just rolling her eyes saying she had places to be. And I just said "you know I hope you notice how unfair you are treating me" and then left her alone.
That night I received a call where I was berated for being selfish for about 20 minutes by her. I asked her if she was done and asked her if we could talk it out like adults. She came over the next night and we had an exhausting fight. Screaming crying and after all was said and done she actually apologized for everything. She was kind of jealous of my dress and of the wedding I almost had. And she was embarassed that she couldn't afford everything I could and that she felt like she failed as an adult and as a mother. And honestly I get it. Not because I think she is a failure, but because I get how it feels if your brain tells you you failed at life because you don't have things that other people have. She apologized also because she was trying to blame me for her problems and that everything was easier if she wasn't the one to blame. We talked a lot more time till I told her that she didn't need a fancy dress and that we could search something basic and I could help her to decorate it with something. She agreed and we actually did get to customize a very basic gown. As we didn't have much time it's not super fancy. Sadly due to the outbreak the wedding, that was supposed to happen this month, was canceled. They had a courthouse wedding where she wore one of my dresses and she is celebrating in August if it's possible.
That's everything. So even if I was not an asshole and my sister seemed like a brat... She was dealing with some heavy feelings and I still love her.
Thanks for the judgment and advice. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iq5aar/op_called_off_her_wedding_after_her_fiance/ | iq5aar | 5,214 | 300 | [
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2020-09-11T05:14:45 | OP's coworker seemed to be following specific men (OP included) into the office bathroom in order to record them as they used the stall. OP and his coworkers were freaked out and uncertain how to proceed. | Relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/d6zfns/coworker_m_is_almost_certainly_recording_myself/) is by /u/coworkerspythrowaway.*
No idea if this is the right subreddit for this but I have no idea where to turn or what to do. Please send me in the right direction if this isn't the appropriate place.
Myself and a group of six of us at work are almost certain our coworker is recording us in the bathroom with his phone. Our work bathroom has two stalls; one much bigger stall and a smaller stall right next to it. My first month into my job i went into the big stall to use the bathroom. While I was in there a person entered the small stall next to me. Once they sat down i glanced over and noticed their phone was in their pocket, positioned in a way where, if it was recording, it would have a full view of me in the stall. I was weirded out by this and quickly left. I thought nothing of it until a few months later I was chatting with some of my office friend and they all had similar experiences. One guy, after it happened to him three or so times, waited outside the bathroom to confirm who it was. Now we all know who it is and have his shoes memorized so we can recognize them if he sits down in the stall next to us again.
The most recent occurrence was the most telling. I recently got my friend on board and told him all about the guy who is probably recording us and told him what to look out for. A week into the job the recording coworker added my friend on our office Skype (presumably to see when his status was "Away," which means you are either in a meeting or in the bathroom). This was especially weird because these two have never had an interaction before. This put my friend on alert and that day when he went to use the bathroom he heard someone enter the small stall and, you guessed it, he recognized the shoes immediately and saw the phone positioned in the guy in the small stalls pants in the perfect position to record.
I would maybe be willing to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he just puts his phone in his pocket and stares at the stall door. Maybe it just happens to be sticking out of his pocket with the camera lens fully visible. I would maybe see that side of things except that my other coworker made eye contact with him, once. He was peeing in the small stall and the coworker we believe is recording us stood at the urinal closest to small stall. There is a gap between the wall of the stall and urinal, and the wall is made of tile. The tile has a ton of reflection it's almost like a mirror. My coworker in the small stall glanced to his right and saw the reflection of a face pressed against the wall. My coworker in the small stall then leaned forward and put his face against the wall and they made eye contact for a second. The guy is a creep.
What the hell do we do about this? I can't 100% say his phone is recording when it is in his pants around his ankles, but there are too many of us with accounts of this. He just happens to have his phone in the perfect position to record and he just twiddles his thumbs? I don't buy it. The coworker we think is recording us knows that there is no way we can prove he is recording, and he has never been caught so he keeps doing it. It makes work very uncomfortable.
Can we call the integrity hotline and report that we think someone is recording us? What could they possibly do? If the guy is recording us and if the guy is smart he probably puts the videos on his computer and deletes them off his phone. I can't see them being able to do anything. And we can't go to management about this with nothing but just a very strong hunch. The accusation is absolutely massive.
What, if anything, can we do about this?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ghnm3z/update_coworker_m_is_almost_certainly_recording/)
So it's been awhile since my original post so I figured I'd give a quick update. I took some advice I received on this post and decided we needed to take action. I couldn't stand having this guy be around anymore, receiving praise from his coworkers while none of them know what was truly happening. I talked with a few of my coworkers about it and we started looking into our options. Our company offers a hotline to report incidents just like this, completely anonymously. Finally, after a little bit of debate, one of us called the hotline and reported the incidents. We waited to see what would happen. Eventually the security team reached back out to him and asked him for more information. They said they are building a case and they need as much information as possible. After hearing this, the rest of the us decided to report our cases to further aid in the building of the case. I remember the security officer telling me that things are going to "move quickly."
Well I guess in a big company they don't fuck around with this. Less than a month after the initial report was filed the creepy asshole was fired. The entire department was told to meet in a meeting room real quick for some news and management laid it on us that he was gone. He was a highly respected coworker who was really good at his job. The news was met with shock, especially since some layoffs had occurred recently. I remember my heart absolutely racing when the news was being given. I couldn't believe that it was happening. I really didn't think some anonymous reports would lead to action so quickly. The creepy guy was friends with some of the women in our department, and he was texting them constantly saying that he was innocent. He quit pretty quickly once they weren't having any of what he was saying. The rumors of why he was fired spread really quickly around the office, but fizzled out faster than I was expecting. I really thought this would be going around the office for months, but after two weeks or so people stopped talking about it and things returned to normal.
I really appreciate the advice on here. It was extremely helpful in my decision, and it worked out for the best.
TLDR: If you want to take pictures of your coworkers in the bathroom and you like your job, then maybe reconsider. Coworker fired for this very thing after being reported. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iqkfpc/ops_coworker_seemed_to_be_following_specific_men/ | iqkfpc | 6,256 | 169 | [
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2020-09-11T16:33:46 | A short and sweet story with a happy ending: OP's former employer sent them a cease and desist letter for OP using their own designs that the company does not own and that OP made before being employed by them. [From 8 months ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/e7ohlh/a_clothing_company_i_used_to_work_for_is_now/) is by /u/Efficient-Emergency.*
So I used to work for a clothing company, and I submitted several designs to them they rejected and never used. I have since quit, and started using the designs I made myself they didn’t use.
Recently they have contacted me threatening with a cease and desist. This is what my employment contract stated about non-compete/confidentiality.
>Each party (on its behalf and on behalf of its subcontractors, employees or representatives, or agents of any kind) agrees to hold and treat all confidential information of the other party, including, but not limited to, trade secrets, sales figures, employee and customer information and any other information that the receiving party reasonably should know is confidential as confidential, and protect the information with the same degree of care as each party uses to protect its own confidential information.
>The parties intend that, to the extent the deliverables or a portion of the deliverables qualify as a “work made for hire,” within the definition of Section 101 of the Copyright Act of the United States (17 U.S.C. § 101), it will be so deemed a work made for hire.
>Confidential Information does not include any information that at the time of the disclosure or thereafter is lawfully obtained from publicly available sources generally known by the public (other than as a result of a disclosure by the receiving party or its representatives).
None of the designs were made on company time or on company computers. The designs I’m currently using were designs they asked for when I started as a “baseline” for my work. They said if they liked them, they’d consider using them, but they never expressed interest in them.
What can I do?
**Further clarification in comments**
The contract had yet to be signed when these designs were created.
I wasn’t specifically paid for any designs as I was hired for hourly work. My main job was making edits to their current designs, setting up pages for their show book and a website overhaul. I designed less than a dozen new things for them. I’ll be talking to a lawyer on Monday, because the designed I am using that I created were before my contract started, and were made on my own time.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ec4abb/update_a_clothing_company_i_used_to_work_for_is/)
I brought this up to a lawyer and they laughed. I made the designs before I started there on my own computer on my own time. They had no legal claim to them, and they were just trying to bully/strong arm a 19 year old designer.
My lawyer sent back some type of legal letter and they immediately apologized and said that any designs I didn’t specifically make for customers were mine and mine only. My lawyer said something along the lines of “they can’t afford this type of suit.” as they are a mom and pop type company. Lawyer did it free of charge.
All worked out in my favor! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iqtyos/a_short_and_sweet_story_with_a_happy_ending_ops/ | iqtyos | 3,076 | 283 | [
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2020-09-12T14:14:37 | A wholesome story about OP's journey towards healing from past trauma with the support of a lovely SO. | AITA | *This is a repost.* [*The original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ir5kyz/update_aita_for_refusing_to_cry_in_front_of_my_gf/) *is by* u/aitacrybaby.
I'm a 22 y/o man raised by a very traditional single dad. Among the many ideals my dad instilled into me was that crying was a sign of weakness in men, so, most of the time, my dad would reprimand me if I came to him crying. It'd range from small things, like spilling juice on my pants to being bullied at school. He said "if you're breaking down about these issues, you're never going to make it in life." I would hide my tears like an alcoholic would hide booze, and, eventually, I grew up to be the "strong silent" type in school and in adulthood. If being emotional meant hurting myself or someone else, it seemed better to just not show them at all.
Fast forward a few years. I have this GF, Katie, that I'd been seeing for a few months. Most girls were turned off by me being so reserved, but Katie had this talent for seeing that I wasn't just mean or cold to people. I was hurting. She treated me like a decent human, so I did my best to be a gentleman to her while still staying reserved. My dad told me it was important that a man never let his own feelings keep him from protecting and being respectful to women.
About a week ago, Katie called saying her mom died in the hospital due to complications from the Rona, and asked me to come to the funeral (her body was cremated to avoid attendees getting sick.) Now, I never knew what having a mom was like, so as the preacher described Katie's mom during the sermon, it sounded like everything I wished I had as a kid. Someone who was gentle and nurturing, who'd understand my feelings rather than criticize them, someone who'd let me cry on their shoulder like I'd done for Katie many times. It was overpowering. I felt the tears coming on, and Katie looked at me in surprise. By force of habit, I didn't dare let myself cry. I took a deep breath, swallowed the lump in my throat, and just gave Katie another hug.
After the service, I drove Katie home. It was pretty quiet until, out of nowhere, she went OFF on me. She said I cared more about looking like a "macho man" who didn't cry than letting her know how I felt. She said things like "I'm sorry your dad is stuck in the stone age," and "I've opened up to you so much, but you never do the same for me!" and "Is your male ego really that fragile?!" I just said, "Enough." or "Please stop." But she wouldn't. Normally, I'm not fazed by someone berating me (thank you, dad,) but after a while, I couldn't take it anymore. I just let her vent at me until I stopped at her house, and said, cold as ice, "Get. out." She seemed to get the hint that I was pissed, and ran in her apartment like a scared child.
Now, IDK if what I did was right anymore. It's become a habit of mine to avoid showing vulnerability, but maybe Katie has a point about having a "male ego," whatever that means. AITA for refusing to cry in front of her?
​
**UPDATE**
​
Thank you all very much for your feedback in the original post. There were a variety of perspectives on this, but the general consensus seems to be that, while I'm NTA, it is bad for our relationship if I keep bottling up. You're right; it's not fair to me or Katie if she's looking for someone to relate to, and I refuse to give that to her, especially not when she's grieving. Also, thank you for being sympathetic with Katie's plight. She's apologized for lashing out; she was just acting out of grief, not out of spite or a need to control me.
Well, the situation has turned into one of the most profound moments of my life. As we were making amends, Katie gave me a copy of her mom's funeral on video. We both watched it together, and, this time, I found the courage to cry for the first time in 7 1/2 years. Hearing everyone describe Katie's mom had tapped into my inner child; the sad, lonely little boy longing for the warmth and affection that he didn't get from his only parent. Katie, despite her own grief, showed me nothing but kindness throughout my mental breakdown. All this time, I'd been seeing my own feelings as being invalid compared to hers. Katie just said, "my mom always made me feel safe whenever I was sad; now I wanna do the same for you." Bless her heart.
Now, our relationship is stronger than ever. We're both looking after each other, but also seeking our own means of support to avoid being too dependent. I've finally started on my long overdue journey toward healing from my trauma, and improving my mental health. I never would've reached this milestone if it weren't for the kind people of Reddit. I started from having no other outlet to having more options toward bettering myself than ever.
Thank you all very much. | GreenAce77 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/irdbq4/a_wholesome_story_about_ops_journey_towards/ | irdbq4 | 4,816 | 167 | [
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2020-09-13T03:42:20 | A tale as old as time: OP's grandmother left them and their brother an equal inheritance, but the brother spent his immediately, while OP invested and grew theirs. The brother and his self-proclaimed "lawyer" girlfriend are now demanding half of OP's net worth. (From two years ago) | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/813ung/ca_grandmother_gave_my_brother_and_me_an_equal/) is by /u/camarthe.*
When my brother was 16 and I was 4 my grandmother set aside a share portfolio for us. As soon as we were old enough it was transfered into our own accounts, and it was only four years later that my brother dipped heavily into his and bought a new honda.
I knew about mine for much longer than he did before it became mine, and watched it grow since I understood what it was. By the time I was given full control it was already worth a ridiculous amount because a big portion of it was invested in apple, and I'm torn on using the funds locked up as they are, because Dad drilled it into me to leave it to grow until I'm forty something.
I don't talk much with my brother, he's done some stupid things to the family over the years and I didn't really grow up with him so all I usually hear about his life comes through dad. His new girlfriend works in law though, and I've received a formal letter from them both that the investments my grandmother made were designed to be for both of us to use not just for me alone, and his was only around $15000. The number is right but mine was only worth that at the time he spent it too. They want half of the value of mine now and his girlfriend has informed me if I don't give them access then the legal fees and fines would eat up my half and I'd be left with nothing.
The dividends alone support a huge part of my life and they've saved me a few times. If half of that disappeared it'd set me back years. I know it sounds selfish but I'm really used to having the extra income back me up when I've wanted to move. I've lived in four states by my own choice and I want to move and take in more before I settle down, if I ever do.
How likely is it they'll win and leave me with nothing? As far as I know there was no paperwork or will just my grandmother's word. She set up my brother's accounts when he turned 19, but she gave them to dad at the same time as my brother got his, and dad transfered the whole lot to me six years ago. For my share I have all the logins, the trading accounts and bank accounts are in my name, and the shares are all solely in my name too. Should I find my own lawyer and if I need one what kind do I need? I have an accountant I've used for years but this doesn't seem like an accounts problem but a law one.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/88fdtj/good_news_update_ca_grandmother_gave_my_brother/)
Mostly good news.
I worked with my dad and got my own lawyer.
I got the timeline of my shares wrong, but it comes out the same. What my brother and I inherited from my grandmother was originally part of my grandfather's portfolio, he was the money savvy one. My grandmother looked after those after he died and she personally set up my brother's accounts and gave him control of his part. She didn't do the same with mine before she died (I thought she had already set the accounts up for me and given control to dad before passing) instead the shares were in her will, and she left everything she owned to my dad with instruction that what was $15000 worth when my brother got his equivalent part would go to me when I was old enough to know how to take care of them. There was no trust, she just trusted my dad. My dad did the right thing and set up accounts for me and gave me control six years ago. My dad put some of his own shares in too as an extra leg up.
Dad admitted to me he'd chewed out my brother last year when he came to him asking for money, and dad had supported him several times over the years and got to the point he'd had enough. My brother found out I still had my investments because dad had used me as an example of how brother should have been using money. That's how my brother found out I still had shares and they'd grown.
According to all that info my lawyer tells me I'm in the clear, but it's not going to get to the point of finding that out in court as my brother's gf was only a legal secretary. I say was because the firm she worked for apologised and informed my lawyer she was terminated immediately. The letter I received from them had been edited to put her name in a position higher up than it should have been, and some of the contact information had been changed.
A week after she was fired my brother visited me begging for money. His girlfriend is in serious debt and she took a chance on scamming cash from me and lost. I felt awful rejecting my own brother over and over, and if he hadn't involved his girlfriend needing an amount well into five figures I might have given him some. The next morning I found all my tires had been slashed. Screw him, I don't feel bad any more.
The rest of the comments in the previous thread made me realise I don't know nearly enough about what I'm doing with the shares and dividends and money in general. A lot of the decisions I've made have been with dad's help and his advice has paid off well so far but not because I knew it would but because I had no idea what I was doing and left it up to him. I've booked in to work with a financial advisor to make the most of what I have. Thanks for all your comments. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/irr3fw/a_tale_as_old_as_time_ops_grandmother_left_them/ | irr3fw | 5,272 | 279 | [
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2020-09-13T17:29:17 | OP wants to know if he's in the wrong for objecting to his daughter speaking her native language at home. | null | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihnydy/aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her_native/) is by /u/SnooMacaroons7686.*
My (35m) wife (32f) is Welsh and I am English, but if you get right down to it we're both British anyway. She's always been kinda funny about identifying as Welsh and not British no matter how many times I tell her they're not mutually exclusive lol.
I'm really tired of having to put up with her extreme nationalism. First of all she insisted that our daughter have a Welsh name, so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it. I have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time and her name getting spelled wrong all the time.
The only primary school in the area is a Welsh school, so my daughter has started learning all her school work through Welsh. This is fine I guess; it's pointless, but other than not being able to help her with her homework (which her mum does anyway) it's not an issue.
The issue is that my daughter has started speaking Welsh with her mother's family, her mother and her friends outside of school. I asked her to stop, but my wife said I was being really rude to ask her to stop speaking in her "native" language, but she can speak English too?? It's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it.
My wife said I'm an asshole because I agreed to raise our child bilingually, but I was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak English because it's all around us. She speaks English and Welsh at home, sometimes mixing them both. It's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language. What happens when she goes to university in English?
My wife says I should get lessons for Welsh and she would be happy to pay and help, but I really don't see the point in learning a dead language when we can all just speak English?
AITA for wanting my child to speak English??
EDIT: Okay, but now my wife is making my sleep on the couch while she "thinks about our relationship". Am I still the asshole when she's willing to disrupt our child's life BECAUSE I WANT MY CHILD TO SPEAK A LANGUAGE EVERYONE SPEAKS
EDIT: I'm okay with her learning Welsh, just not speaking it at home all the time. It's stupid having a three way conversation when people aren't speaking the same language, but my daughter insists on using welsh.
EDIT: I'm not gonna answer questions that ask me why I married my wife. I married her because I love her. End of.
Edit: Going to bed. Some comments have given me some insight and I cant ignore all the YTA posts. I thought maybe it was just the Welsh being at it again, but well there's more of you calling me an asshole than there are welsh speakers 😂
I'll have a think and a chat with my wife tomorrow.
Edit: I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping ill be honest. Might have something to do with me being 100% an asshole to my wife and daughter. A lot of mixed feelings. How do I explain that I still feel like I'm right but I know now that I'm wrong? We live in the countryside and it's been hard with lockdown. I couldn't work, and I was surrounded by all the Welsh in my home without any English outlet of my own.
I was wrong and very bitter, and used those bitter feelings against my own family.
I'm going to tell my wife that I'll get welsh lessons and I plan on couples counselling for us so that I can properly work through my shit. I'd like to say thank you to everyone who helped me grow up and see that my daughter was more important than my childish, selfish reasons. I was so fucked up; unwilling to learn because I was already behind. And I'd like to thank those who shared their stories of learning Welsh.
My daughters name is Megan for the people asking.
EdIT: my wife insists that we pronounce Megan the Welsh way! It sounds beautiful but she gets annoyed that my family pronounce jt like southerners
Edit: diolch un fawr I pawb a nos da
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irwg3q/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her/)
So I posted about 2 weeks ago looking for your judgment. It took a while, but I agree with it. Some develops have happened since then so I thought I would update:-
1) I admitted to my wife I was being an asshole and was ready to learn welsh. I've been using duolingo and sitting down with my daughter and wife while we do my daughter's homework. My wife still laughs whenever I say Llanelli, but here we are.
2) I showed my wife the AITA post. She said I was a complete dipshit, but she cried and admitted she has been excluding me on purpose in the hopes that I would learn Welsh if she did it enough. I explained how it made me more resentful and I had almost left her because of it. We're going to go to couple's therapy.
3) She told me that I need to tell yanks who pretended they could say "Llanfair PG" to "cachau bant" and "cau dy ceg". They were some of the first words I learned in Welsh so they can be yours too :)
4) I sent my dad a message telling him to ask my mother if she can start pronouncing Megan the way my wife wants it. Megan likes it the Welsh way too and faux-vomited when I asked her if she liked the way Nana said it. My mother hasn't said anything, but my wife and I taught Megan to tell her "Nana, I like my name said like this" when my mum says it wrong. We'll have to see where this goes, since my mum has said in the past that she won't pronounce it like a "sheep-sh*gging pleb". I will be putting my foot down if she starts.
5) There was someone who pretended to be my wife on another post. I reported it and it got taken down. I did not make my wife sleep on the couch that night lol. Just some sad person creating made-up drama.
6) My daughter and I managed to get a 5-star island on Animal Crossing. Not relevant, but we managed it this week! Have a nice day and cheers for your help. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/is2hjy/op_wants_to_know_if_hes_in_the_wrong_for/ | is2hjy | 5,927 | 190 | [
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2020-09-14T14:40:05 | A tale of baby showers, hostile work environments, and antisemitic bosses: buckle in for a very long and wild ride where two people on opposing sides of a legal issue both ask Reddit for advice around the same time. [Posted about two years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. The two original posts are by /u/isthistoxic and /u/workweirdness, respectively.*
[**First post** by u/workweirdness (now deleted, original text recalled)](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8825e8/threw_an_employee_a_baby_shower_now_being/)
I’m an assistant manager for a call center floor. One of my associates is generally standoffish, and isn’t super social, but I figured this was because she is from a different background than the rest of us.
She is currently pregnant. She got even more cagey as it became obvious and got outright rude when people would ask her about it. We’ve thrown work baby showers for all the other girls, so we threw one for her.
She was furious. She is now threatening to go after us for a hostile work environment, claiming we acted in a way that was harassing because her religion/culture doesn’t do baby showers/they’re bad luck.
Does she have a leg to stand on or is she bluffing?
**Additional comments from this OP from this post (now deleted, excerpted here in shortened format for length)**
*Comment 1:*
Her issue is the baby shower. Because she says it was hostile and culturally insensitive.
She’s also gotten pissy about someone bringing breakfast for her and leaving it on her desk, and other stuff too. I think she’s just looking for a lawsuit. My worry is that she’ll sue me personally or have me labeled as committing a hate crime or something.
*Comment 2:*
So can we fire her for being an issue? She just doesn’t fit into our office culture.
*Comment 3:*
apparently EVERYTHING is disrespectful to her religion/culture from baby showers to pizza.
*Comment 4:*
She’s claiming we’re antisemitic and insensitive but she’s just being rude about us wanting to celebrate with her!
And she went to HR that’s my problem.
*Comment 5:*
That’s so stupid. There’s no reason people should get in trouble for being nice. Normal people say thank you when someone throws a party for them, or brings in breakfast, or brings pizza. They don’t throw a little fit and go to HR.
The road to hell is full of people like her who are rude and don’t appreciate the work others do for them.
*Comment 6:*
There are other Jews in my office. This is a her problem not a Jew problem.
*Comment 7:*
There are Jews in my office who don’t do this shit. My issue is with her not her religion.
[**Second OP, from the other perspective**, by u/isthistoxic](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/89wgwm/tricked_into_eating_something_i_dont_eat_at_work/)
I’m really really upset over all of this so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense. This happened last week and it was only brought to my attention today what exactly I ate and I’m a mess. My coworkers all cook a lot and bring in food for everyone. They all know I have food restrictions because I usually don’t partake (which pisses most of them off because it’s “rude”). One girl brought in a pie and was very proud of herself, saying I could eat it. So I did because I’m a trusting idiot. My stomach was a wreck that night and the next day but I’m pregnant and have a weird stomach anyways so I didn’t connect the dots. There’s been some other shit since and I’m on even stricter rules right now. One of my coworkers was commenting on it all today after seeing me eat my sad work dinner, and said outright that it isn’t the end of the world if I eat the stuff I’m not supposed to because “a lightning bolt won’t come from heaven and kill you”. I sort of gave her a look and she laughed and said it didn’t when I ate the pie and told me what was in it. I’m so so upset right now. I genuinely don’t know what to do or say. They’ve ignored my wishes and been outright hostile before but never like this. I went home crying last week over something else and filed with HR over it but they didn’t take it seriously and this is just my breaking point. I’m not coming back after I have this baby but is there something I can do legally? TL;DR- Coworkers put something I don’t eat into food and lied about it to me, saying they specifically made it safe for me. Now they told me they did it to prove a point. Do I have legal recourse?
**Comment chains on second OP** (quoted text indicates comments not authored by the OP)
>Wait, are you the person who was upset about the unwelcome work baby shower, because baby showers are not consistent with your Jewish faith?
Wait what
>Is this one of the prior incidents that you are referring to?
How the fuck do you know this
Do I know you?
*Comment 2:*
I’ve asked them to intervene multiple times on the religious harassment. The only time they did was when I was reprimanded by my manager for wearing religious clothing (headscarf).
*Comment 3:*
She...wrote me up for covering my hair.
*Comment 4:*
[In response to a link to the first post]
Holy shit, that's her!
[**UPDATE ON SECOND OP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8d0z1u/tricked_into_eating_something_at_work_update/)
I keep getting messages asking for an update. I can’t say much, but I have gotten a lawyer through a friend of the family. He has contacted corporate HR. There will be a settlement out of court, as they want this resolved quickly with no publicity. I cannot express how grateful I am for all of your quick thinking and ability to connect the dots. I don’t know if I would’ve had the guts to get a lawyer if you hadn’t said anything. Thank you. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ism4c9/a_tale_of_baby_showers_hostile_work_environments/ | ism4c9 | 5,414 | 234 | [
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2020-09-15T16:07:24 | Young-looking OP has their driver's license and passport stolen by a bartender, who insists the documents are fake IDs and that the bar has the right to confiscate them. [Posted two years ago.] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7gd18f/minc_bartender_took_my_real_id_and_passport_and/) is by /u/HurtArc.*
I'm a NC resident attending a MI 4 year college. I just turned 21 about a month ago, and I went to a dive bar/music venue to drink and watch a show. I look incredibly young in person, but my ID is up-to-date and so is my passport as well. The bartender confiscated my ID last night because it looked fake because: "it is out-of-state and your hair doesnt match." My hair is currently dark purple, but in my license picture it's black, it looks almost exactly the same in a dimly lit bar anyway! So I tell the bartender I have a passport and he is confiscating my real ID and he says he will believe me when I bring my passport.
I retrieve my passport, which clearly shows my age, and this time I ask to speak to the manager. The manager REFUSES to give my ID back, saying he's going to call the police to confiscate it, AND THEN HE TAKES MY PASSPORT. No, I'm not kidding, I wish I was. He went on a rant about how I tried so hard to act "of age" and had all this fake proof and a fake life. By this point the venue is almost empty and the bouncers kick us out. I now have 0 forms of identification on me.
What can I do here? I'm supposed to drive back home in 10 days for a wedding, and I'm worried that he did call the police, they told him it was real, and he threw them away or something. Please help!
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7gjdok/update_bartender_took_my_real_id_and_passport_and/)
It turns out, I actually ended up calling the wrong police jurisdiction. This morning I called the East Lansing PD non-emergency line (whom I called the previous night), and I spoke to an officer who told me that they only have jurisdiction on campus and 3 blocks surrounding campus. The venue/bar I was attending is actually on the city line between East Lansing and Lansing, so the officer directed me to the Lansing PD.
The LPD officer told me that bar always calls about fake ID's and-- in his words-- "90% of the time, they're wrong" so he told me not to worry and he would get my identification back for me. Long story short, I got my stuff back and I got to rub it in the bartender and managers face that I was right all along. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/itbsm7/younglooking_op_has_their_drivers_license_and/ | itbsm7 | 2,329 | 319 | [
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2020-09-16T15:35:03 | A man is considering ending his relationship because his girlfriend causes his cat distress. [Posted about a year ago] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bchxly/wibta_if_i_broke_up_with_my_girlfriend_over_my/) is by /u/kitty_kitty_throw.*
Throwaway because she knows my reddit account. Hear me out on this one. Please?
I've been with my girlfriend (we'll call her Molly) for about 4 years, lived together for 3. Earlier last year our 17 year old cat lost her battle with cancer. I've had cats my whole life and adopted her as a senior before meeting Molly. Molly never had cats before but adored her, and started talking about adopting immediately. About six months later in December she found a youngish (7mos?) feral male who got a nasty-but-recoverable injury sleeping under a car hood. She fell in love immediately and so did I. I tried to give her the benefit of my experience and told her that this isn't going to be the same as adopting an adult cat who already has a sweet personality, and this kitten will require a lot of patience. She said she understood and we started foster-to-adopting him as soon as the vet gave us the go-ahead.
I still love him, but he's highlighted every single thing that's been keeping us from getting engaged. For one, Molly refuses to listen to him. He growls, he hisses at her. She started yanking him out of his carrier so often that he's afraid to go in there now. She doesn't listen to ME when I try to explain what she could do to get him to warm up to her. She keeps bringing up examples of people she knows who got a cat to like them this way. I work at home, and he's a completely different cat when I'm home and she isn't. He plays and sits in the window when it's just me and runs under the bed the second she gets home and only comes out to eat.
I've suggested to her that we need to start seriously thinking about finding him another home before he gets too old and too scared. Every single time I bring it up she accuses me of being callous and giving up on him too easily, and how she never knew pets were so disposable to me. They're not, but she's not a good fit for him. So at this point I'm beginning to think that his best shot is me breaking up with her and taking this poor cat with me. Our relationship isn't that solid but I think it might be fixable if it wasn't for this, but he's a living being and deserves to be happy too.
tl;dr: My girlfriend and I adopted a cat and she makes him miserable. She thinks it'd be cruel to rehome him, so I'm seriously considering breaking up with her and taking him with me. WIBTA?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bl5wr6/update_wibta_if_i_broke_up_with_my_girlfriend/)
I've got a couple requests for an update, and to be honest I could have given an update the night after it happened but I didn't want to post too much if something changed. I'm sorry for ducking out of the thread early too. I read the first 400 or so comments and wanted to respond and give information to some of the folks asking, but I didn't really have time since she found the thread. I tried to obfuscate enough details that this wouldn't happen, but it's a unique situation and it got pretty popular and I think one of her friends clued her in. I hope no other new pet parents had to explain this thread to their SOs.
Some of you were asking for specific instances of abuse, and to be honest I didn't really think she was abusing him. I just thought that the way she was interacting with him might be more suitable for another cat. Molly did wonderfully with our previous cat, but she was a different cat.
My original plan was to sit down with her and try to have one more honest conversation about our cat's comfort level in this house. Something needed to be done before he turned into a nervous wreck. None of this happened sadly. She came home and had it out with me about everything from the cat to some issues with her family and circled back around to our previous cat, who she kind of accused me of killing (she had end-stage cancer and stopped eating and was having daily seizures. The vet encouraged us to put her to sleep). I'd rather not go into too much detail here, but you guys were right. Our relationship had a lot of problems and adopting our cat just made them undeniable. I know some people accused my post of validation-seeking, but honestly it's difficult to tell things are bad when you're looking at the situation from the inside. Even if it was my fault, it's obviously time for things to end.
She moved back in with her parents, and the silver lining is that she agreed to let me keep the kitty. She's been gone about two weeks and he's spending a lot more time out and about with me. Hopefully this continues. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/itxvtt/a_man_is_considering_ending_his_relationship/ | itxvtt | 4,688 | 319 | [
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2020-09-17T16:45:29 | Your weekly reminder that Bank of America and Wells Fargo are terrible: or, "how I learned to stop worrying about stolen funds and love credit unions." [Posted about a year ago] | Personalfinance | *This is a repost. [The original post, entitled "180 days later, Bank of America is refusing to refund over $700 in fraudulent charges made in Texas while we were 800 miles away in Illinois",](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/ac96zf/180_days_later_bank_of_america_is_refusing_to/) was posted by /u/IveGotDMunchies.*
Back in July we were wrapping up our yearly road trip to Illinois. We purchased gas around 8 or 9am right before we started the 12 hour trip to Texas.
Two hours into the trip my wife gets a notification on her phone from Bank of America alerting her to fruadulent charges being made. We only have one debit cad.
While we were starting our driving home, someone in Austin, Tx purchased around $500 in merch at Home Depot, drove towards Houston, Tx attempting twice to use our card at the ATM, which did not work because they didnt have the pin. They made their $200-ish last transaction at TJ Maxx North of Houston before were alerted and had the card shut off. (Austin to Houston is about a 3 hour car ride)
My wife immedately makes a claim. 10 days later, we get the money credited back while they continue the investigation which seems pretty open and shut to me... They also say it may be another 45 days before they finish their investigation.
October 5, they send a letter stating that they have completed their investigation: "Our records show the transaction activity in question was authorized for and posted to your account." The letter states they'll be taking the $740 back on October 22.
Wife calls and has them reopen the case or escalate it. We're told it could be another 45 days.
December 22. We call Bank of America again. This agent has no record of anything being escalated. Says he will escalate it and we should hear from someone in the next few business days. Nothing.
Jan 3. Wife calls them again. This agent states that while an escalation sends an email to their investigators notifying that we are still asking about they case, they are under no obligation to complete it.
After reading a bit into the law surrounding this, we have realized we can request the documentation they used to close the investigation.
What else can we do? Do we need a lawyer? If they had to reimburse us for the first 45 days of the investigation, why do they not have to temporarily reimburse us as they continue to investigate "for as long as they need" with no date set for resolution on our end?
It is blatantly obvious that someone skimmed the card at some point and had a dummy one made. Are they able to continue to withhold our $750 indefinitely and just keep saying. "Nope! Looks good!" until we tire out?
Our kiddos missed out on a lot of Christmas gifts because of this and now bills are starting to get a bit tight. We really need this money back. Thanks yall!
**Update:** Started posting on social media before I start filing complaints. 20 minutes later Bank of America contacted me on Twitter. Will update later. Thanks for everyone's advice.
**Update 2:** 3 hours later... I continued to post on social media, reaching out to local news stations on Twitter that have community protection or investigative segments and linking to this post. Bank of America has now reached out in one of these posts, referencing my wifes name. Fingers crossed. http://imgur.com/gallery/i4gWtC0
**Update 3:** Wife got home 30 min after my last update. A rep with BoA actually called her asking what was going on. The rep said she would need to call the fraud department and get them all on the line together. We are at our kids practice so opted for them to call us when they have someone on the line who can help us. Will update later.
**Update 4:** Just got off the phone with someone in the fraud department at Bank of America. I recorded the whole convo and will be uploading it to YouTube. She says the call on Oct 22 did in fact reopen the case. (even though the rep on Dec 22 said otherwise and the rep earlier today said they have no timeline to adhere to and can take as long as they want)
They now have 60 business days from Oct 22 to finish the claim once again.
She says one of the reasons that the claim was denied was because the didnt attempt to drain her account. (They hit up two ATMs and failed to use the pin to drain the account, so they don't even have the correct info to base their findings off)
I requested documentation about the claim as law allows and she says I should get that in 10 business days. They now have until Jan 18 to notify us of their findings. I'm going to continue with filing reports and posting on social media.
I'll update in a few weeks I guess.
**Update 5:** 10 hours later, they have blocked me on Facebook for sharing my problems on their page. I also filed a complaint with the CFPB .
**Update 6:** 24 hours since this post and David, a Bank of America employee in the "Regulatory Complaints Department" left my wife a voice mail in regards to a complaint sent to them by the CFPB. They close at 4pm EST. (They're closed by the time we got the voice mail since she is at work). Will update Monday.
**Update 7:** Wife woke up this morning and the money has been returned to our account. Time to turn and burn!
Thank you everyone for your advice. We learned a lot from this.
---
[**UPDATE POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/adnjj7/update_bank_of_america_refusing_to_return_700_in/)
We got our money back after two days! http://imgur.com/gallery/lPjXhQt
If you are looking for information on what to do if your bank declines fraud purchases or your bank refuses to return your money, please read this so you can see what steps we had to take to get something done.
I just wanted to post an update to anyone who followed along on my post last Thursday about the issue we were having with Bank of America declining some very obvious fraud charges and giving us the runaround for 180 days.
TLDR: July 15. Fruad on our debit card in Texas while we were in Illinois. 180+ days later, bank lies to my wife after repeated phone calls. I ask for help on reddit. It goes viral. You guys give big help.
After posting on Thursday, I took the advice of several Redditors and took the several steps on Friday. Here is the timeline of events leading up to this being closed out.
* **8:00am Friday**: Called Jonathan Stickland, my local Texas House Representative and left a message explaining the situation
* **11:00am Friday**: Submitted a complaint to the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau (CFPB - https://www.consumerfinance.gov/complaint/)
* **12:00pm Friday:** My wife called me and told me Jonathan Stickland's assistant had called her to gather more information and said she would be making some calls to see what they could do for us.
* **4:00pm Friday:** Wife called me to let me know that someone from Bank of America's "Regulatory Complaints Department" had called her in regards to the CFPB complaint filed earlier in the day. He called at 10 minutes before his office closed and my wife didn't get the message until after. We planned to call Monday morning.
* **9:00am Saturday**: Wife wakes me up and says the money is back in the account as a "Misc Credit"
9:00am Today: I call CFPB. They say the complaint is still open with the bank and they usually respond within 15 days.
* **9:00am Today:** I call the number left by BofA's Regulatory Complaints Department. Leave a voicemail. Wife calls him from work and leaves a voice mail
* **1:00pm Today:** We get a notification from Bank of America that the dispute is closed. We're done. We will wait until the notice comes in the mail before we shut our accounts and move.
I hope that anyone else in our situation now or in the future can use this to get some fast results too.
Thanks to everyone who commented with advice, their own stories, and kind words to keep me motivated throughout the process. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iun93p/your_weekly_reminder_that_bank_of_america_and/ | iun93p | 7,897 | 168 | [
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2020-09-17T16:54:15 | Your weekly reminder that Bank of America and Wells Fargo are terrible: or, "how I learned to stop worrying about stolen funds and love credit unions." [Posted about a year ago] | null | Kinglens311 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iunfhj/your_weekly_reminder_that_bank_of_america_and/ | iunfhj | 0 | 1 | [
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2020-09-17T17:39:45 | OP plans to kick his sister out of his home for sexually harassing his fiancee, but is struggling with whether it would be justifiable to honestly tell his parents why to avoid being the bad guy when that would mean outing the sister as a lesbian. | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ie5o3t/wibta_if_i_outed_my_sister_so_my_parents_wont/) is by /u/throwaway_aitahere.*
I ( 27M) live with my (27F) fiance, Annie and recently my sister, Mia came to live with us. Mia has never actually told me she was a lesbian but I've always kind of knew she was.
Anyways my parents asked if Mia could move in with us because she can't see her friends since they are high risk. I agreed and Mia has been living with us. I've started to notice changes in her behavior around Annie. Mia has always been shy about her body and at most will wear knee length shorts on a very hot day even with family. Now she's basically always in sports bras and booty shorts, it was odd but I haven't lived with my parents in six years so I don't know if she changed her home habits during the time I was gone. I just brushed it off as a self-esteem boost and was proud of her.
Then she got especially close to Annie. I assumed it was just admiration but then it got super weird. She was sticking even closer to Annie and it wasn't like she was butting in on us when we were being romantic but it was like she was trying to prevent romantic moments from happening by trying to direct Annie somewhere else. She would also leave the room or look sad when we kissed. I got the feeling she had a crush on Annie.
I confronted her about her feelings and told her that it was fine if she had a crush but she was taking it too far and she denied it. Now my sister knows I know she's a lesbian because a few years ago I sent her one of those "If x friend was ever more than a friend...." texts. She denied that they were "more than friends", I told her that I'll always be here to support her and moved on. Things would stop for a while then pick up, we would have this conversation then the cycle would repeat.
Annie figured out that Mia probably had a crush on her and was uncomfortable by the entire situation. A few weeks ago Annie kind of sister-zoned(?) Mia and things just escalated. She openly flirted with Annie to the point where Annie didn't even want to be at home. We couldn't do anything romantic at home because she might see at start openly bawling in her room. Mia was very cold to me and always snapping at me for small reasons.
I had enough when she made breakfast for Annie and her using the food I specifically bought for myself and Annie walked out crying. I pulled her aside and told her that she needs to stop right now or I will kick her out. She acted like she didn't know what I was talking about AGAIN so now I'm definitely kicking her out. The only problem is my parents, I can just kick out my little sister and not tell them why. If I tell the truth my sister will be outed but if I tell a half-truth like she made my fiance uncomfortable, they'll hate my fiance because I can't actually explain what my sister did to make her uncomfortable without outing her.
My sister deserves a chance to come out and this isn't like I accidentally outed her either either. Is getting herself outed a consequence of her actions or would I be a the asshole?
edit: I'm just going to clarify why I can't say that the living arrangement wasn't working out. Like I said in the beginning my parents are high risk so she CANNOT see her friends at all, so if it just "wasn't working out" they'd tell me to suck it up until the school year starts. If I didn't I'd be the "heartless jerk who doesn't want to let my sister have a social life". Second, I don't think they'd believe me in the first place because I've never had a problem with my sister, they'd just assume I was covering for Annie.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iumueo/update_wibta_if_i_outed_my_sister_so_my_parents/)
Since some of you requested an update, however the result wasn't the happiest.
I got a lot of YWNTA for kicking my sister out but YWBTA for outing my sister. I accepted it at that point and was going to have a talk with my parents without outing my sister and being especially vague. Then to my surprise there was a string of NTA for both, the reason being my sister's behavior was a crime and needs to be addressed immediately. I decided to just talk with Annie who was the ultimately was the victim and asked her what she wanted to do. With the exception that there was no debating my sister getting the heck out. She said she wanted to tell my parents what happened because they deserved to know.
I couldn't agree more, not because like some of you suggested I wanted to out my sister for revenge but because I think part of the blame is on them. Growing up I was always the "smart" kid and she was always the social kid. My parents put my education over her events. She couldn't invite her friends over because I was studying, if she was invited to a friend's birthday and I had tutoring around the same time, she would either have to walk to her friend's house, be late or not even go at all. At some point they realized how this was affecting her and just let her do whatever she wanted. When I needed it to be quiet so I could study they would just ship me off to my uncle's house (I didn't mind). My parents would let her do what she wanted but they still gave me more attention. So yes, like some of you suggested my sister definitely needs therapy.
So we talked to my parents after we kicked her out, we told them what Mia did and I think my dad believed us but my mom didn't.
This part is now all just being relayed from my parents: They went to my sister and to my surprise she came clean to everything. She admitted what she did was wrong but she just couldn't stop herself and she was just so angry at me for getting all the attention all the time. I had all the good things, she didn't. Well it ended up in a shouting match and they kicked her out. They kicked her out of their house but they moved her into my aunt's. They gave her an ultimatum, either go to therapy or receive no financial support from them. With the condition that when if she doesn't start therapy within the next 5 years they will not be paying for her sessions. I think they should pay either way but it's their money, so not my place to say anything.
I haven't heard from my sister, she texted Annie to tell her she's sorry and asked her to meet up but she hasn't reached out to me. I probably wouldn't have responded if she did though. I'll also be looking into getting therapy, even if If I'm angry at my sister and never want to see her again I also feel like I lost her.
Yes, Mia was outed in the end but I think that considering everything this is the best outcome for her too. Thank you for all the responses. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iuodgi/op_plans_to_kick_his_sister_out_of_his_home_for/ | iuodgi | 6,706 | 101 | [
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2020-09-18T18:12:09 | OP's tenants cut down her priceless heirloom magnolia trees planted by her grandfather and then reacted with hostility and racism when she objected. [Posted about two years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8wkt4x/flneighborstenants_cutting_down_my_magnolia_trees/) is by /u/mistressofmagnolias.*
[MS Paint Diagram (since y'all seem to like those)](https://m.imgur.com/x7wGeKJ)
I inherited this house & surrounding property from my great grandparents when they passed away. This includes two rental properties, which my great-grandfather had been renting out for years to two families. Relations between the three families had always been cordial, even when my great grandparents passed a few years ago and I became the new "landlord", though the "dads" of both families are only a little younger than my grandfather, and I get the impression from our interactions they chafe a little bit that their new landlord is a woman in her late 20s, but I figured everything is fine because I've never raised the rent beyond what my great-grandfather set it at, and I always have professionals over to deal with any issues on the homes within 24 hours of receiving a call from them.
About three years ago, a local kid was messing around in my magnolia trees, and broke his leg. My homeowner's insurance paid the settlement to the kid's family, but just to be on the safe side I had a surveyor come out and mark the property line for my "lot" (they also used the word "plat", but I'll be honest, this isn't my area of expertise) vs the lots of the two rental houses, and then had a contractor come out and put a white PVC fence at the property line, just to ward off a repeat incident.
Like some kind of fairy-tale, the kids of the families that rent from me fell in love and have decided to get married. They wanted to have a "block party" and the bride's father asked if I'd be okay with them decorating on my property as well, since it's part of the block. I admit, I took "decorating" to mean things like hanging lights or other traditional wedding decorations, so I gave my consent.
This morning I woke up to the sound of chainsaws, and went outside to discover the parents of the bride & groom were cutting down my magnolia trees (each tree is about 80 years old - this house was purchased as a wedding present for my great grandmother, and they planted magnolias there when they got married. If my great grandmother had lived she'd be turning 100 next year) because they didn't match the bride's "aesthetic vision".
I told them to stop immediately, I didn't give them permission for that, and I was going to call the police. They stopped, but when I went inside to grab my cell they started up again.
When I confronted them, I was basically told that since they're my tenants, I'd just be suing myself, so I could "suck it up, buttercup". I admit, I was more than a little intimidated by a group of men with chainsaws. I went back in my house while they continued cutting and called the police, who came out and told them to stop, and gave them tickets, but they started up again once the police were gone. I called the police again, and they haven't come back out yet. I've also already called an arborist friend of mine (I'm a florist), to come out and do an assessment immediately. I called my insurance company as well, and they're going to have someone call me back. But while I'm waiting, I thought I would ask here: Can I sue them? Or am I, as their landlord, liable for their actions against me? Needless to say, no one is getting their lease renewed, even though they've lived here for decades.
Sorry if this is rambly, The trees hold a lot of sentimental value to my family and I, so this is very emotionally draining.
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9rfvln/update_flneighborstenants_cutting_down_my/)
I've received a number of messages begging for an update, but as it's only been a few months, I can only give a partial one, due to the ongoing legal issues (my attorneys have advised me not to divulge too much to anyone).
1) The day after my post, I called a good friend of mine who has been my go to plumber since I inherited the property (we went to high school together), to ask for his help. He went to both houses the next day, saying that I had called him last week since the water bill seemed high, and asked him to come look at the pipes. He went through the houses, surreptitiously taking pictures, while "inspecting" the bathrooms/kitchens/water boilers, etc for leaks. Apparently while he was there they made a bunch of comments about me that included racial slurs (tldr: i'm biracial, and do not pass for white) and such about how I need to learn my place. After he'd inspected both houses he came over to mine, and gave me all the photos.
2) I conferred with an attorney regarding evicting them, and four days later both families were served with 7 day eviction notices. As expected, they blew up, and started throwing rocks at my house, slinging more racial epithets in my direction. I'd always grown up being terrified of angry racist white men twice my size, I never realized how unbelievably pathetic they actually are until I watched them crying like babies while being hauled off by the police on the video cameras.
3) The bride made a very angry post on facebook, followed up by standing up in church (small town, most of us go to the same church) during "prayers and concerns" to beg for prayers for her family because "Our landlord is evicting all of us because she's jealous that I'm getting married!" The pastor, feigning innocence, said "I thought she was evicting you all because your father and [Groom]'s father cut down [My Great-Grandmother]'s prize magnolias?" Hardest game of You-Laugh-You-Lose I've ever played, still proud I survived.
4) According to the arborists (yes plural. though my friend came out and did an assessment, my attorney for the suit over the trees advised selecting someone who isn't so close to me for the paperwork we'll submit to the court), based on the number of trees cut down and the number of trees damaged beyond repair, and how old/well-tended those trees were, the value of the trees alone is more than i could sell all three houses for in the current housing market around here. Then the attorney started talking about how the damages are multiplied and let's just say I would be quite happy with half that number, but I know when to zip my lips so I'll let my attorneys handle the negotiating.
5) They did, in fact, destroy the houses as best they could. I have enough savings/inheritance left that I can live without the rents for a while, so I'm using it as an excuse to have both houses renovated since they haven't had major renovations since well before I was born.
6) The bride and groom got married and had their reception in the church basement instead of the cul-de-sac. They had to cancel the honeymoon to spend the money on legal fees. (Am I a bad person for being amused?)
7) Hurricane Michael just gave me some wild thunderstorms, thankfully passed over us with the worst of it.
8) My boyfriend of seven years proposed (finally, goddamn).
Other than that, you'll have to wait until the eternally slow court systems process through. I do want to take a moment to thank you all for thinking of me, and being so helpful with your advice with what was a terrifying ordeal at the time. I'd never really stood up to my elders like that before, and it was comforting to know that not only did a gaggle of internet strangers have my back, but there were resources and protections in my community as well.
**Final comment from OP with additional context:**
Hello all! I got a number of lovely messages that I wanted to extend thanks for, and a few people accusing this of being fake due to some details that I specifically left vague. I wanted to clear up a few things, in case they might help you understand the context of the situation:
1) "No one in Florida has basements!" I live in the panhandle. If I go for a short walk I can spit over the state line and hit Alabama. We have basements.
2) "The whole church thing is fake!" "No churches are that integrated!" "She doesn't sound black!" I was raised by the white half of my family, my father's family. I've met my mother four times in my life if you count my birth. She has made it clear she doesn't want me around and doesn't consider me her child, and for my own sanity I've left it at that. I went to the white church with my great-grandparents. If there were some rumblings about them bringing me around when I was a baby they had been silenced long before I was old enough to remember, though I CERTAINLY remember every time I've been told I'm a "good black person, not like those n*****s." The first time I heard AAVE was from other students at school, who constantly mocked me for not being "black enough". I've spent my whole life being too dark-skinned to be white, and too culturally white to be black. It's a bit of a sore spot with me, so I'd appreciate you not try to invalidate my entire existence because I don't conform to your mental stereotype of what a mixed/biracial woman is supposed to be. As far as the Pastor calling the bride out, it's a small town. The pastor has been lifelong friends with my grandfather's younger brother since they were boys. He grew up running around those magnolias and has been there for me while I deal with the emotional pain of losing some of them, when I consider them to be one of the major physical ties to my real parents, my great-grandparents that raised me. Of course he was gonna call out the Bride when she stood up and lied before the Lord God and every soul living and dead. He's pretty angry about the situation, too.
3) "She doesn't provide X identifying information!" Of course I fucking didn't. I'm Southern not stupid. I am supported by my community because my great-grandfather was a pillar in it. Regular donations to everyone and their dog type of pillar. I am not so naive as to think that if I made it easy to find my exact location that: a) some chucklefuck from here wouldn't decide to come hassle me or my ex-tenants; or b) that the community support wouldn't dry up because the black girl embarrassed some dumb ass white people on a scale outside of our town. I am aware of the racial tension, and that my position can best be described as precarious. I'm more interested in protecting myself then exposing every detail of my life to strangers on the internet.
4) "Her boyfriend only proposed because she might get a lot of money!" Haha, y'all got me laughing with this one. I've been giving him shit for it since he asked. But no, sadly, he's in the last year of his Masters program and we'd discussed before getting married once he'd finished it. I'd expected the proposal sometime between August and Christmas of this year. Also, I'm very aware that I'm not gonna get much out of them. The amount they've been saving on rent since my great-grandpa died alone would be enough for a down payment on bigger houses than they were renting, but from what I understand their desire to blow money on new cars every other year, vacations, and putting their children through college without loans (which, of these three things, I find the least objectionable) has left them with little cash left. To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if I only get enough to pay the lawyers.
As far as what's happening otherwise: I've had the stumps removed and I'm planning to have some healthy saplings planted next year, once things are a bit more settled. The renovations are going well, installing some nice new kitchen appliances next week, can't believe the contractor tried to talk me into electric ranges. I'm not the best cook but I certainly have more sense than that. As far as I've heard the bride and groom are staying with his grandmother in Pensacola, while the rest of groom's family has rented out a trailer in another part of the county. The Bride's family (who in my opinion are the primary aggressors, her momma's one of those women you hear about over in that /r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit) are staying with the bride's aunt, who's charging them about double in rent what I was (Said aunt was my second grade teacher, and has apparently taken a dim view of the whole thing. The joys of living in a town too small to have a Starbucks.)
Anyway, it's late and I gotta spend my day in a salon chair tomorrow, if you have any questions that I can answer while I'm sitting around, let me know.
And to all those neo-Nazi, Trump-supporting, KKK-wannabe incels who think it's funny to send a girl nasty messages, I'll tell you exactly what my WWII vet great-grandpa told me to say to boys like you: "I know how to use a gun, twenty people who will give me an alibi, and where to buy a boat. How often do you think they dredge the Gulf?" | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ivbc0d/ops_tenants_cut_down_her_priceless_heirloom/ | ivbc0d | 12,784 | 390 | [
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2020-09-18T18:24:44 | OP's tenants cut down her priceless heirloom magnolia trees planted by her grandfather and then reacted with hostility and racism when she objected. [Posted about two years ago] | null | Kinglens311 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ivbkph/ops_tenants_cut_down_her_priceless_heirloom/ | ivbkph | 0 | 1 | [
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2020-09-19T16:53:00 | A man is quietly living his own life when, out of the blue, CPS shows up, informs him he has a 10-year-old daughter he didn't know existed, and lets him know that she's about to go into the foster system if he doesn't take emergency custody. [Posted 8 months ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/dpt2ez/i_found_out_i_had_a_child_when_cps_contacted_me/) is by /u/apparentthrowaway79.*
To make a long story short: I was a junkie and as a result did a lot of dumb, questionable things. I have been clean for eleven years now.
About a week and a half ago I was contacted by CPS, who asked if I knew (Mary Smith), a woman with whom I had a relationship when I was on drugs. I said yes and was informed that she had a child, (Emma Lastname), who had been taken from the home and I was named as her father. With no other contactable family she could come to me or otherwise go to foster care. It was relayed to me that I was listed as the child's father on her legal documents as well.
To cut out some bullshit from the middle here, I'll just skip to the fact that I did accept emergency custody of the child and I do actually pretty strongly believe that I'm probably her biological father for a number of reasons but I feel like at this point the case workers have been unhelpful and are basically like for all intents and purposes you're her legal father bye!!! And not answering my questions. ((Emma) apparently knew I existed and was told through her life that I was her father but her mother said she had no way of contacting me, which I guess is technically true).
My questions:
1) how was I listed on the birth certificate, legal records, school records, etc and literally never informed ever at any point? How is this possible?
2) the case worker said that because I'm on the birth certificate (and the undertone here was "unless you have an identical twin somewhere that is 100% your child") there's no need to take a DNA test. Is there any benefit to doing so?
3) this one I may have to consult with a lawyer on, but if I'm her father, am I then entitled to child support? Or the foster care stipend? That sounds terrible but I don't make a lot of money and I'm stressed because there's times I feel like I'm not sure if I'm going to have enough for myself even working full time, and I need to be able to provide for a kid now too. It's not about the money, but it's a little bit about the money.
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ek0lyl/update_nearly_3_months_later_about_the_kid_i/)
It's been almost 3 months now and I thought I'd come in real quick to give an update.
Overall, the kid and I are doing great. I really expected the adjustment period to suck but I feel like maybe this poor kid really needed some structure and stability and totally glommed onto that. I try to just give her as much of my love, patience, structure and stability that I have to give. I've been learning a lot about attachment, trauma, and everything. It's been overwhelming but every night, no matter how exhausted I am, I get into bed and I thank God for her. I wouldnt trade her for anything in this world. I tell her every night she's my favorite thing.
Legally things are kind of boring. I did the DNA test, unsurprisingly got the result that she's mine biologically. The emergency order is still in place. Had mom is still in jail, she was offered the option of going to rehab and refused. She'll be in jail for at least a few more months, and after she's out we will make a parenting plan for visits with help from the social worker. Realistically i think she'll die before she gets clean. That sounds like a horrible thing to say but it is how it is.
It's been a wild ride. It's not easy. But it's joyful and it's really changed my life & made me want to be better in a lot of ways.
[**Comment on r/askparents a month after the update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskParents/comments/etfgw5/happy_anecdotes_of_parenting_anyone/ffg2o1p/)
I've only been at it for a few months, I didn't meet my child until she was 10, and our situation is complicated on many levels but my only regret is that I didn't know she existed sooner. The actual parenting part is amazing. I honestly love all of it. Even the hard parts.
Some of my favorite mundane things:
She loves to play Barbies and makes up the best, most elaborate stories with them. We've had murderers on the loose with amateur detectives solving the crime, we've had dramatic soap operas, super hero academy, family sagas, you name it. I'm a 40 year old man who had never picked up a Barbie in his life and I enjoy it immensely. I've never said no when she asks me to play.
Every Tuesday we go get a slushie and go to the public library. She'd never been read aloud to before she came here so we pick books to read together, play board games, and she plays on their computers.
She loves to pick the music. She loves kid stuff like Nyan Cat and dumb ways to die and stuff but she also likes stuff i had never heard of like Alan Walker and it's been really fun to learn her music taste. Lately we've been listening to Seagulls (Stop It Now!) from bad lip reading and it's literally always funny. She claims to hate David bowie because his face creeps her out but she always dances when I play him. The other day she said "hey Dad on YouTube I found this really cool band, I bet you never heard of them, it's THE KILLERS!". I pretended I hadn't.
She loves to remake vines and make "movies". We've done the "there's only one thing worse than a child", "Chris! Is that a weed???", Little Russian Lady and a few others recently. I edit the movies in iMovie and we have premiere nights where we dress up and eat popcorn and watch them on the projector. She's started making them on some program on the computer that makes animated shorts and we have premiere nights for those too.
It's really hard at times but I've literally never felt more rewarded than I do by parenting.
[**FINAL r/legaladvice update from one month later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ftn1cl/an_update_i_hoped_id_never_have_to_postmy/)
I got a call this morning telling me that my daughter's mother had passed away; no other details at this time, most likely an overdose.
I've recognized it as an inevitability, but I also hoped for a miracle for our girl's sake if not her own. You always cheer for people you loved at one point and especially so in this case.
It's mixed relief and deep sadness. Legally there are going to be some things down the line here that will fall to me to deal with on behalf of our kid and I'm sure it'll come with questions I'll rely on you for.
Our girl doesn't know yet; I let her sleep in this morning and she's still asleep. I don't know how I'm going to tell her and that's the part that gets me. She's going through some stuff of her own right now and this was the last thing I wanted for her. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ivw5sx/a_man_is_quietly_living_his_own_life_when_out_of/ | ivw5sx | 6,698 | 598 | [
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2020-09-19T23:34:50 | Ever since an older couple found out that their granddaughter may not be biologically their son's, they have been harassing their son and his wife, demanding that they get a paternity test and threatening legal action to force the test. [Posted two years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/92evgg/can_my_parents_force_a_pregnancy_test/) is by /u/paternitythrowaway13.*
**Content warning:** this post briefly touches on the topic of sexual assault.
---
My wife was sexually assaulted. She got pregnant, and the baby could be mine or the rapist's. We decided to keep the baby and raise it as mine. We never want to have a paternity test done on the baby because this could be devastating to her relationship with my wife.
I'm a massive moron, and after my daughter was born, I let slip to my parents that she might not be mine biologically. I tried to backtrack, but my parents kept pushing and pushing until my wife sat them down and explained the situation. They do not believe her. They think she cheated and that she is using me.
Now my parents have approached me about taking a paternity test. They want me to contest paternity and leave my wife. I do not want to. I made a commitment to my wife and daughter and I stand by it. I trust my wife, but my parents don't. They told me that if I refuse, they will go to court and compel me to do a paternity test to absolve me of responsibility for the baby. They want me to leave my wife regardless.
I am planning to cut contact with my parents over this, but is there any way that they can legitimately force me to do a paternity test? Is there something I can do to prevent this or fight them?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9a96oq/can_my_parents_force_a_paternity_test_update/)
I'd like to take a minute to say thank you to everyone who responded to my last post. Your advice helped prepare me for what came next.
Pretty soon after I posted, I received a letter in the mail from a lawyer that basically said that my parents were demanding a paternity test on the basis of grandparents rights. I knew from my post that it was unlikely that a lawyer would take this case, so I googled the law firm and lawyer's name. I couldn't find the lawyer's name anywhere, but the law firm was real so I reached out to them. The letter was fake and the law firm was not happy. They asked for the letter and are pursuing some sort of legal action against my parents. I don't know exactly what's happening as I have not been in contact with my parents in a while.
In other news, my daughter was recently diagnosed with a (very minor) skin condition that is fairly uncommon and that I also have, which means she's most likely mine after all. We still won't be doing a paternity test any time soon, but it was helpful for our peace of mind.
Thanks again for the advice everyone! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iw33uu/ever_since_an_older_couple_found_out_that_their/ | iw33uu | 2,650 | 250 | [
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2020-09-20T16:42:48 | OP's son has a peanut allergy, and their school won't stop feeding their kid peanut products. Several hospital visits later, OP and their partner are at the end of their rope. [Posted about a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9x6enr/son_has_a_peanut_allergy_school_continues_to_give/) is by /u/schoolpnutbtr2828.*
This has been an ongoing issue since the second day of school, where he was given peanut butter crackers. We sort of brushed it off as a new school year, new students, teachers a bit frazzled dealing with first graders no real big deal. His allergy isn't really severe but still not fun to deal with and can potentially become life threatening.
We had already informed the school of his allergy before the year started and even talked directly to the teacher about it because the default snack during the day if no other parents brought in a snack in peanut butter crackers. We even offered to purchase a special alternative for him, but they said it was unnecessary as they have other alternatives.
So we figured the issue was over when a few weeks later it happened again, this time they claimed he grabbed another students snack and ran off to eat it before they could stop him. Now my little one can be a little bit of a hard head and I can potentially see this happening so again we talked to him about peanuts and how dangerous they are to him. He continued to adamantly deny doing that and said Mrs gave them to him.
We then decide a meeting with the principal is in order, not to blame the teacher or accuse her of lying but to hopefully get this under control. Again a few weeks of no more issues, then it happened again.
Once again the story is "he grabbed it and ran off and ate the whole package before we caught him". Okay so a 6 year old managed to grab an unopened package of crackers, elude a teacher and an aide and eat the whole package before he's caught? He's crying and swearing to us he was given them, and after so many incidents we have to start believing him.
Another meeting with the principal and teacher gets us a "Do not worry! This won't happen again". We have another long sit down with our son to explain that even if it's given to you, ask to make sure it doesn't have peanuts or other nuts in it.
Then, the very next school day (the meeting was on Friday) he's given another snack of peanut butter crackers but this time he asks if there is nuts in it and then he's given the alternative. We figure it kind of sucks that the kid has to be the adult right here but at the end of the day he's learning to ask about nuts. We send an email to the principal detailing the issue and say that the next stop is the school board if he is given peanuts again. We get a response back "if he's asking now what's the problem? He should have known to ask to begin with. We are teachers not parents."
We have no issues for a while until this week. Some parent brought in PB&J sandwiches for snack time and he was given one. He forgot to ask about nuts but thought "it was only in the crackers". We find out the parent was aware of a nut allergy in the class (it's on the parent snack sheet) and brought in just a jelly one that was made separate from the peanut butter one's. He was not given this one. We spent a day at the hospital.
We've had endless talks with him about nuts and do our best to teach him but some of the blame has to be on the teachers here right? Do schools not have an obligation to deal with allergies? The school lunch seems to have zero issues with this and has never given him a nut when there are several things on the menu rotation that contain them. He gets a special tray that was no where near any nuts. This is in Indiana, any help is appreciated.
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/autm4i/update_school_kept_giving_our_son_peanuts_even/)
The past 3 months have been long and expensive but it's finally resolved. Now I can't go into a lot of the details after but I can go over some of the details that happened during.
We contacted a few attorneys and finally found one we were comfortable with and then the fun started. We first sat down with the principal and teacher with our attorney and he didn't say anything except he needs to talk to someone else and not us.
Our attorney then began collecting documents and statements/affidavits from our pediatrician, another doctor and even got another opinion. Then he began having us get documents from the school, some of which they said we couldn't have but our lawyer assured us we could have them. So he sent the school district some nice letters and a few phone calls later we had everything. Talking to our insurance and the hospital was the easiest part of this entire thing which I thought would be more complicated and our insurance even offered their attorneys services to our attorney which turned out to be quite helpful with some of the other issues that came up along the way.
He spent about a month going over everything, talking to doctors, getting more statements and reaching out to other parents etc. During this time our child was moved from his normal classroom and placed in a special needs classroom. Something we did not agree to or with, our child has no developmental problems and an allergy hardly is a special need.
So our lawyer then starts having us request more documents, same act with the school and he had to send off letters and phone calls to get the new stuff related to him being put into a special needs classroom. The lawyer began sending letters about how the school district is punishing our child with the move to a more restrictive classroom and a different curriculum and magically the next day he's back in a normal classroom.
Finally after 3 months of mostly playing the game with the school district getting them to give us the paperwork and requests they are legally required to did we all finally sit down with the school districts attorney and our attorney.
Now I can't go into a lot of the details but I can tell you they settled without us moving onto the next step of having our meetings in a courtroom. Lawyers are expensive, and so are hospital bills. I just hope all of this doesn't make our child a target for the rest of the year. We are going to be moving and changing jobs over the summer hopefully.
Thanks for all your help and advice guys and girls, the plans everyone brought up for us to look over was incredibly important because we already had them on file with the school. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iwh98y/ops_son_has_a_peanut_allergy_and_their_school/ | iwh98y | 6,357 | 361 | [
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2020-09-21T03:49:33 | OP is an orphan being raised by their stepmother. OP's father assured them before his death that he had set up a substantial college fund in a trust, but they've just found out their stepmother may have drained it. [Posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/cxprda/i_am_supposed_to_have_money_put_aside_for_me_for/) is by /u/INeedWillHelp129.*
I am really sorry if this is long but i have no idea where to turn to get help. I am also sorry if screw up terms. I am a minor, and i am about to start my last year of high school. I am currently living in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
My mom passed away when i was 2 and we lived in Vancouver at the time. My dad remarried when i was 8 and i ended up becoming the youngest kid in the family. My step mom has always been mentally unstable and hates me in general.
My dad passed away ~6 years ago from cancer. Before my dad passed away he told me that there was a trust setup for me with a fair amount of money to pay for my university from his first wife. He also told me that his will was setup to ensure that i wouldn't need to worry about anything for university or need to worry about money. He told me over and over that i would be taken care of no matter what.
Earlier this month my step mom made a comment vaguely asking how i expected to pay for college/university on minimum wage. I told her what my dad told me, and she said that everything my dad had left was spent to take care of the family, and to send my older step siblings to university (she said it was "first come, first serve"). She also has absolutely refused to help me in anyway as it is "waste of her time". I have ripped apart the house trying to find any sort of paperwork from my mom/dads estate but i cannot find anything.
I have tried to talk 2 lawyers who specializes in estates and wills, the first one told me he could not do a consult with a minor unless my guardian is present (no chance). The other one basically wanted a lot of money to even do anything which i don't have.
I have also tried to reach out to my estranged part of my moms family, her sister was able to dig up something with the name of the company who took care of her estate, but that company no longer seems to exist. My dad on the other hand was an only child, and as long as i remember i don't remember anyone else from his family, nor can i find anything.
I don't really know where to look or what to do at this point anymore. I am terrified that my step mother used this money to pay for all the frivolous bullshit she has wasted money on and pay for my step siblings tuition. I am also terrified that if there is really no money then i am basically going to get screwed hard, i need to get away from my step mother no matter what.
TLDR; I am supposed to have money in a trust/will from both of my parents. My step mom says this is not true and all the money left by my dad was used to take care of the family and pay for my step siblings tuition. I don't know how to find out the truth or where to even start looking.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/d5okb8/update_i_am_supposed_to_have_money_put_aside_for/)
I just wanted to say thank you to all the advice and help i received (especially derspiny). I was able to get in touch with an awesome lawyer who specializes in wills and trusts, who after explaining my whole situation to him he was willing to do the discovery for free.
He was able to find that i not only have 1 trusts, but 2 trusts for me. One of the trusts was setup a long time ago, most likely by my mother and is still intact and safe (which was more than enough for me). Unfortunately the second trust was most likely "improperly setup or handled", as it seems to have been emptied about 2 years ago.
He gave me a bunch more useful advice and gave me detailed instructions on how to use the trust properly, along with a bunch of recommendations to ensure the money is not touched by my step mother or siblings.
I also managed to talk to my step siblings and basically learned that:
* They both considered themselves estranged from my step mother, my older step brother pays for her utilities/rent but that is it. They aren't on speaking terms in anyway, and recommended me to get out right away.
* Apparently my step sister also was supposed to have a bunch of money for her education only for it to mysteriously just dry up after her first year of university. With her mom telling her she spent all her 4 years of tuition in 1 year. So now she is paying her way.
Anyways i have decided to basically keep my head down for the last year of high school and get out as soon as university starts, and never look back.
Thank you so much for your help. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iwsyz0/op_is_an_orphan_being_raised_by_their_stepmother/ | iwsyz0 | 4,538 | 280 | [
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2020-09-21T10:47:51 | Op’s sister just seemed to be unreasonable mad about the extravagant outfit her best friend wore at her wedding. But behind the whole big drama lies an even bigger drama full of lies, betrayal and deception | AITA | This is a repost. The original post is by u/tasisterswedding
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/itw74c/aita_for_telling_my_sister_that_she_should_have/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding?
Throwaway because I don’t want any family members finding my real account.
My sister “Anne” (29F) has been best friends with “Ruby” (30F) for as long as I (25F) can remember, so growing up Ruby was like a second big sister to me. One thing that is important to note is that Ruby has always had the most outrageous fashion sense possible. She’s the person that would wear those runway outfits that you think no-one would actually wear.
Anne got engaged pre-COVID. Almost as soon as it happened she started being really weird to Ruby. When she made me maid of honour I was kind of surprised because they’ve always sworn to be the MOH at each other’s weddings, but I am her blood sister so it wasn’t that weird. But I was completely blown away when she made a groupchat and I found out that Ruby wasn’t even a bridesmaid. Both me and my mum tried to talk to her about it since we figured they had an argument or something but she would only say that Ruby didn’t care anyway. I know that Ruby was hurt but she didn’t want any drama so I agreed to let it go. Throughout the whole wedding process my mum kept asking Anne if she would invite Ruby, if she would ask Ruby’s opinion, etc. etc. but Anne refused to have any contact with her or talk about anything wedding-related with her whatsoever.
On Saturday my sister was married. She had a beautiful outside, socially distanced wedding. But she was SEETHING the whole time because of Ruby’s dress. It wasn’t at all outrageous by Ruby’s standards so I don't believe that she wanted to outshine my sister. She wore quite a simple wedding dress but that was her choice! As MOH I of course went to her fitting and that was literally the one she chose.
Anne has been cursing Ruby out and saying that their friendship is over ever since (like she hadn’t been ignoring her all through lockdown …) Finally I just said that she’s been friends with Ruby most of her life and she knows what she dresses like and that she should have expected this?? If it was that much of a problem she should have found a way to mention it to her … OR just made her a bridesmaid.
Anne LOST it with me. She sent Ruby some really horrible messages after she screamed at me. She didn’t say a word to me all of yesterday but she’s badmouthing me to our dad who is on her side. My mum has told Anne that she should apologise to Ruby for the nasty messages she sent and for yelling at me so Anne isn’t talking to her either. I don’t even know what’s going on but Ruby swears on her life that they didn’t have an argument or anything pre-COVID. Anne says that that’s none of my business and I should be supporting my “real” sister. My dad agrees with her and she’s rallied the other bridesmaids against me so idk, AITA?
​
Just to clear some things up:
1. Ruby didn't wear a wedding dress or anything really outrageous. It was a dark red, bodycon dress in a satiny material. There were lots of people in form-fitting dresses (the bridesmaids were wearing them!!!) and she didn't look out of place. EDIT AGAIN: some of you people are ridiculous lmao, assuming the absolute worse case scenario. It wasn't a spaghetti strap dress that just barely covered her butt. It was an appropriate length and had long sleeves.
2. If this needs saying twice: the BRIDESMAIDS were wearing bodycon dresses. So were many other guests. It wasn't a particularly traditional affair, nobody was offended by our figures, Ruby's dress didn't massively stick out.
3. Ruby IS very attractive. She always has been but I never thought it was an issue for Anne before.
4. Ruby and Anne had been best friends for 25 years (they didn't grow apart or anything, they stayed in constant contact even as adults) and then Anne suddenly wasn't talking to Ruby anymore. My mum and I weren't trying to be controlling, we were worried! We assumed that something really bad had happened for them to cut contact overnight. When Anne refused to talk about it my mum was only more worried because she's normally an open book.
5. I don't love Ruby more than Anne or anything like that. The only reason I'm so close to Ruby is because ANNE used to be so close to Ruby. They were basically inseperable so I grew up tagging after both of them. Of course I love Anne very much, I just think she's being unreasonable in this situation.
6. Ruby was always going to be at the actual wedding. The phrasing was bad on my part, sorry. When my mum was suggesting that Anne invite Ruby it was to wedding prep things like dress shopping etc.
7. I don't know if "Dave" (groom) has feelings for Ruby. I have never thought that, they've met many times and there's never been any signs that he does. I definitely do not think it is an affair because then surely my sister wouldn't want to marry Dave and neither would want Ruby at the wedding at all. Ruby doesn't have a history of going after Anne's boyfriends or crushes.
​
UPDATE: Based on some of the advice I'm receiving I was going to tell Anne this morning how much she means for me and that I'm there for her, but she's seething again so I'm not trying to. Dave asked me if I could talk to Anne, because they've also apparently had a massive fight because he tried to defend Ruby on the wedding night. He asked me if I could explain where he misstepped and how to make it up to her. This is the first time he's ever asked me for help with their relationship so he's clearly at a loss. I said I was just as confused and we didn't even know why she wasn't in the bridal party so he should just try and talk it out with Anne.
THIS is when it gets weird. Dave said that the reason Ruby wasn't in either wedding party was because he wanted her as a "Best Woman" and Anne wanted her as a Maid of Honour, but Anne wouldn't budge and said that they should just drop her from both parties to be fair. He said that she explained it to Ruby and that's why they had a fight, because Ruby wanted to be included. I said okay and just hung up but the more I think about it the more confused I am. If they had a massive fight about Ruby being Maid of Honour, surely Ruby would remember? Also, I don't know why Dave would want Ruby as his Best Woman when to my understanding he only met her after he started dating Anne.
I really am taking your advice not to meddle to heart (which is a nightmare because now my curiosity is totally piqued) so I won't bring it up. It's possible that this is all I'll ever know and this will bug me to my grave but I have made a vow not to push Anne anymore on it. Thank you everyone for your comments. Thank you all the NTA people for reassuring me that I'm not the one acting crazy, thank you also to all the helpful YTA/ESH verdicts that helped me see how I could change my behaviour in future to be a more supportive sister.
UPDATE 2: I'm even more confused.
Dave called me up about 30 mins ago asking me (in a very angry tone of voice) if any of his groomsmen behaved inappropriately towards me. I asked what and he asked again. I could hear Anne in the background shouting something. I said that they had been perfect gentlemen at the wedding and that I hadn't had any contact with them since.
He then asked me if Ruby knew that she was meant to be Best Woman. I said not to my understanding but it was possible that I don't know as both she and Anne had been quite secretive about what happened between them and that he'd be better off asking them themselves. He laughed and hung up. Ruby has texted me asking me what's happening and if I knew about the Best Woman/Maid of Honour thing. Just now, I got a message from one of the bridesmaids saying that if Dave calls me I shouldn't answer him. Anne is on the phone to my dad (screaming, it sounds like).
I have no clue what's going on but I think somewhere in this mess is the truth of what actually happened. Everything seems to be exploding, I now think that the bridesmaids or at least that particular one are involved and if things keep happening at this pace I think I should eventually find out what in the flying fuck is happening!!
UPDATE 3:
There has been a LOT of shouting and tears today, honestly I'm exhausted but so many people have commented for the update so here it is. I’m still kind of in shock. Anne has been lying to just about everyone. The story is VERY complicated and long. This list is actually what I used to wrap my own head around it. It’s all the facts I have in chronological order.
1. Dave has been to jail and is an ex drug addict. He met Ruby BEFORE he met Anne: after he recovered, he was really struggling with money and Ruby helped him a lot. He considers her to be one of his closest friends.
2. Two years later Dave was doing well at his job and much more stable and functional. Around this time Ruby introduced him to Anne.
3. Anne was very reluctant to have a relationship with Dave because of his past but she had strong feelings for him. Eventually they began dating but she was still ashamed of the person he used to be, so she told us that they met over a dating app. Dave consented to this at the time.
4. As Dave became more comfortable with himself and the relationship became more serious, he told Anne that she needed to be honest with us about his history. She agreed to tell us but she didn’t. She told Dave that she had and wrote a FAKE LETTER from my family about how we were really grateful for his honesty and accepted him. She told Ruby that my parents had reacted really badly, so Ruby never brought it up with Dave or my family because she thought it was still a very sensitive topic.
5. When Dave proposed, Anne started freaking out about the wedding. Dave wanted people from his support group to be there, Ruby as his Best Woman etc. which would expose the lies. But she still didn’t want to tell us who Dave was or Dave that she had lied to him, so she decided to continue lying instead of coming clean.
6. So, Anne:
· Pretended to be really upset that she couldn’t have Ruby as her MOH so she could make the argument that that she should be dropped from both wedding parties. She told Dave that she had explained their decision to Ruby and that Ruby had taken issue with it to keep him happy. In reality, she knew that if Ruby knew she was meant to be Best Woman, it could easily get back to me and my mum, and then raise questions from us about Ruby’s relationship with Dave. So she didn’t tell Ruby anything at all and that’s why Ruby was so confused about what happened and couldn’t think of anything.
· Told Dave and all of his friends from his support group that they shouldn’t mention the addiction in speeches or even casual conversation because it was a sensitive subject for certain family members before the wedding.
· Told the bridesmaids SO many lies about Ruby. She told them that she had a habit of causing scenes, that she was going to try and sleep with the groomsmen, that one of them was an ex-boyfriend of hers that dumped her, that she would get way too drunk. Essentially she painted Ruby as a disaster waiting to happen so the bridesmaids wouldn’t like her and also so that they could keep her away from certain people (specifically the ones that also knew Dave) at the wedding.
· Anne also told the bridesmaids that only reason that Ruby was invited is because I idolise her so they wouldn’t repeat any of the lies she told to me.
7. After the wedding, Anne put on her enormous meltdown about the dress. The bridesmaids obviously didn’t have a very positive opinion on Ruby so they were easy to convince that it was meant as a genuine slight. My dad did what Anne apparently expected everyone to do by caving immediately because she was the bride. If me and my mum had done the same Anne would basically have used it as an excuse to cut Ruby out of everyone’s life.
8. She tried to do the same thing with Dave’s groomsmen by insisting to him that they had said inappropriate things about the bridesmaids. The idea was to basically remove anybody that knew the truth about Dave from the general social circle so it wouldn’t come up again.
9. Dave smelt a rat. He asked what exactly the issue was with Ruby’s dress and what exactly his friends had said. Anne panicked and accused him of not loving her, choosing his friends over her etc. and it turned into a massive argument. Dave was mad and very suspicious so he started calling people up trying to figure out what happened.
10. A couple of the bridesmaids said that Anne was telling the truth about the groomsmen (she asked/pressured them to) but most were kind of weirded out by the request and I think they successfully got that across to Dave. He called me to ask if I knew what was going on. Anne told Dave that I was just like him caring about Ruby more than her, and also that I wasn’t there when it happened, but the timing of the story didn’t match up so Dave called me anyway. That was the weird phone call.
11. At this point he knew she was spouting BS so he asked her upfront what was going on. She broke down and told Dave everything.
12. He was fuming. He texted us all to let us know about his past and then basically kicked Anne out. She came to us where she then had to explain again everything.
Anne is absolutely shaken. I never considered her capable of this kind of deception and manipulation and I don’t think she has ever done something like this before.
Contrary to what some commenters seem to believe I don’t hate my sister. I feel sorry for her even though I’m really hurt by what she did because she feels so guilty and absolutely miserable because she’s worried that things will never be worked out with Dave. She’s gone to bed now very upset because our mum won’t even look at her. She’s fuming that Anne would deceive and hurt her and so many other people like this, I do understand where she’s coming from. My dad is also very shocked and hurt.
Anne texted Ruby. She sent her a message explaining and apologising but obviously Ruby is really angry and upset. She just told her that she couldn’t speak to her right now but maybe she’d call her in the morning once they’d both had a chance to calm down.
Dave is probably the most hurt out of everyone and I understand why. He wouldn’t speak to Anne but he did tell me that he really thought that he had our acceptance and that the letter she had written to him had been his most treasured possession ever since he received it and to find out that it was false was absolutely crushing. I told him that we did accept him for who he was and that nobody blamed him but I don’t think it helped much. He has asked for distance from our family and I understand why. I’m not sure when he’ll be willing to speak to Anne again or if he wants to be her husband after this. I wouldn’t blame him if he goes on to find someone else.
Thanks Reddit, it turned out everyone was way off base although I don't think anyone could have predicted this. but a lot of the comments were very insightful and gave me food for thought despite everyone kind of looking in the wrong directions. (Except the weirdos about the dress. You know who you are.) | oeroes | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iwy2j3/ops_sister_just_seemed_to_be_unreasonable_mad/ | iwy2j3 | 15,445 | 550 | [
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2020-09-21T19:10:54 | A woman in California received a demand letter from Rent-A-Car informing her that if she didn't return her overdue rental car, she would be charged with embezzlement and grand theft auto. The problem? She's never rented a car from them. [Posted two years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8p3o7d/i_just_recieved_a_demand_letter_from_enterprise/) is by /u/Alymg.*
I did not rent this car. The letter also states that I rented the car in Sacramento but I do live in San Jose. My drivers license has not been stolen and I do not have any credit cards in my name, and I just checked my credit reports online but do not see anything unusual. I called the manager who sent me this letter and they told me that I need to file a police report and email it to them as proof that this was not me. I told them I will do that but asked if they could provide more information that I can give to the police because in the letter, it says that the rental was made through a corporate account. However, they will not give me this info and I am posting to ask you all advice on what steps I should take to approach this before I file the police report this afternoon? I am waiting on my dad to get here to go with me to the station because I was with him all day on May 29th and he can vouch that I did not do this.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8rxudv/update_i_just_recieved_a_demand_letter_from/)
Thank you to everyone for the advice. I'm also a SHE by the way (many of you thought I was a dude lol), but on to the update:
After my initial post, I saw that many of you advised for me to call the manager and demand information from her because Enterprise is the one at fault and I shouldn't have to go to the police for their mistake. So I did exactly this, and she told me that id I want her to give me more info, I would need to file a police report within 24 hours and email it to her as evidence that I am NOT the person who rented the car. If not, she would report me for Embezzlement and Grand Theft to the Sacramento Police. Upon hearing this, I decided to file a report immediately online with the San Jose Police Department. I know many of you said I shouldn't because its not my fault but after she told me the consequences, I did not want to take any chances where I could end up with a warrant on my head. I thought that if anything, filing this report would also prove my innocence if the police actually did come knocking on my door. After filing it, I emailed her the copy and she responded the next day, saying that she recieved it and to give her a call. When I spoke to her over the phone this time, she said that I was in the clear and finally gave me information about what had happened:
On May 29, a woman claiming to be me had come in to rent out a black cadillac. She showed the representative "her" drivers license that had MY information on it, and paid for the car rental upfront with CASH. (I thought that you need a credit card to do this but apparently you can just use cash) The manager also says that she has video surveillance of the woman which she will turn into the Sacramento Police later that afternoon. The following morning, she emailed me the number of her report which she filed as FRAUD, and said that the police opened up an investigation which she will keep me updated on. At this point, I was relieved to be in the clear yet also pissed that some woman is out there impersonating me. I then started contemplatig about taking a 3 hour drive to Sacramento see who the hell this woman is. However, turns out I didn't have to because 2 HOURS LATER...
THE SAN JOSE POLICE DID SHOW UP KNOCKING ON MY FRONT DOOR. ( 2 Policemen and 2 CHP officers) Before opening it, the first thing I did was grab the copy of the police report I printed because I seriously thought that they were going to arrest me (2 squad cars, 4 officers, and 1 me). When I open the door, the first thing they ask me is if NAME OF WOMAN I DO NOT KNOW lives at my home? I tell them no, and that I have no idea who that is, then they ask if I am ALYMG and I tell them that I am. They then begin to inform me about a car accident that happened in the nearby town of Fremont that morning. The accident was a hit and run, with the driver fleeing the scene but she dropped her drivers license which they found on the floor. They then show the license to me and it's an EXACT replica of MY DRIVERS LICENSE, and I ask them how this is possible if I have my license in my wallet? They then tell me to go grab it and after comparing the two side by side, one of them tells the others that the one they have is a fake. (The black strip on theirs is chipping but mine isn't... it's not supposed to chip) I then ask them if the driver was the woman who stole the car from Enterprise, and they ask me to ellaborate which is when I hand them my report. I explain what happened which prompts them to give me more details about the accident, and they tell me that the woman was driving a stolen car and crashed into another vehicle, but she fled the scene in the black cadillac from Enterprise. So basically, the rental car was used as the "getaway car" and was identified by the witnesses in the other vehicle. I told the officers that I have the plate number of the vehicle in the demand letter, and the that info down as well. I then asked them who is the NAME OF THE WOMAN I DO NOT KNOW and they told me that she is the who stole the car. However, I'm not sure how they know that (fingerprints maybe) but they did show me her mugshot, and we DO NOT look a-like at all. Idk how the hell she was able to rent the car in the first place but whoever rented it to her probably didn't even check for a comparison. But after this, the police then thanked me and told me that they'll call me when there's an update on the case.
I do have her name now though, and After doing a google search I found her Facebook and other social media accounts. I'm very tempted to message her but I've decided to leave this to the police because I have no idea who this bitch is, and don't know if she's dangerous (she might be gang affiliated or something and she DOES know where I live) However, I do hope that they catch this bitch and will update you all when that happens. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ix719q/a_woman_in_california_received_a_demand_letter/ | ix719q | 6,070 | 244 | [
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2020-09-22T15:11:14 | A neighborhood dog with a history of aggression runs around loose in violation of leash laws. Now, it has seriously attacked OP, OP's sister & OP's dog, leaving them with $29K in medical bills. For God knows what reason, the dog's owner is now suing OP over the attack. [Posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/aoovyg/neighbors_off_leash_dog_attacks_and_injures_my/) is by /u/freerunlady92.*
Sorry for the long post but I'm trying to be detailed. TLDR at the bottom.
We live in city limits of Wake county Raleigh NC were there are strict leash laws.
Our new neighbors moved in next door about 6 months ago and have two large Labradors who are let out the back door into the open yards each day and night.
One of their dogs is very sweet and well behaved while the other is rather aggressive and will charge at people and other dogs.
We have asked them multiple times to walk their dogs on leashes and explained about the city leash laws of our state and county but they refuse to keep them on leashes.
Two months ago, one of their labs charged at myself and my small beagle from across the yard and the dogs owner just sat there and watched as I tried to fight off her dog while picking up my beagle. The dog bit my arm enough to draw blood and I kicked her dog to get it to stop and back off from its attack.
The owner went into a rage over me kicking her dog and the next day filed a complaint against me with our HOA. That backfired because the HOA contacted me for my side of the story and ended up charging the neighbor a $250 violation of HOA agreement fee. I didn't file an animal control report because my bite wasn't that bad and I thought the HOA fine would set them straight. Also for the fact that it's not the dogs fault her owner is an idiot.
They continued to let their dogs run free and we have multiple videos of them letting their dogs run free and of the aggressive dog running onto our porch and throwing her body against our glass door trying to get at our dogs inside our house.
Last month I confronted our neighbor with the multiple videos and told her she needed to walk them on leashes and we were no longer willing to be afraid to use our back porch or walk our dogs anymore and told her this was the last time we'd be nicely asking her and next time we'd call animal control.
Fast forward to 6 days ago when I woke up to the sound of one of my dogs for lack of better term, screaming. I jumped out of bed and ran into the yard where my sister and one of my beagles was being attacked by her dog. My sister had curled around our dog and was being repeatedly bitten by the neighbors dog.
I tackled the neighbors dog and (not proud to say as a life long animal lover) proceed to grab the dog by her neck and force her to the ground by her neck and shove her head into the ground while practically sitting on the dog to control her.
The neighbor finally got her dog inside. The results were my dog had a huge chunk ripped out of her throat, multiple rips in both ears, 6 broken teeth on her bottom jaw, a shattered front paw and broken arm, and multiple bites to her face and rib cage. My dog needed all broken teeth removed, pins in her arm and paw, dozens of stitches, and a skin graph (had no idea they could do this for dogs) to close the hole in her neck.
My sister needed 38 stitches from the bites she received, I ended up with 29 stitches from bites I received, and all three of us are on a plethora of antibiotics and follow up care including rabies shots for my sister and I because her dog had no current shots. Those shots are not pleasant in any way.
Our combined medical/vet bills are 29k with still needing follow up visits for all of us over the next few months.
She's refusing to pay anything at all and claims she's not at fault because our yard isn't fenced. She's also claiming she's going to sue us because apparently I broke 2 of her dogs ribs when I tackled her to the ground.
I cleared out my savings account of 3500 to make the basic payments to save my dogs life and don't have any more money to hire a lawyer.
We can hardly afford the co pays on our insurance to get our rabies treatments and prescriptions filled. I filed to get an advance on my pay but it can take up to two weeks to go through and I was served with a court summons today for injuries to her dog and her pain and suffering from the trauma of her hurt pet. The claim also states that I intentional caused harm to her pet and used unnecessary force to subdue her pet. I'm a 4'10 female and my sister is a 4' 8 female. Her dog is almost as big as I am.
I really don't know where to start on how to deal with this. I feel like we have a solid case due to the videos and and the paperwork from the HOA for the first time she tried to blame us. I also have messages that span her time as our neighbor via the Nextdoor app where she admits to walking her pets off leash and her refusal to stop because it's "her house."
How in the world can I fight this without being able to pay a lawyers fee upfront?
TLDR: Neighbors aggressive dog attacked my dog, sister, and I causing insane medical bills and months of follow up care and now I'm being sued. I work 3 jobs and after basic medical bills can't afford a lawyer yet. Not to mention my hand is so chewed up and swollen I'm not cleared to go back to work at any of my jobs until I get stitches out and get motion in my hand back which will cause more income issues once my vacation days run out.
**Edit:**
Thank you all so much for the advice. We're feeling much more hopeful and I feel like I can actually sleep tonight. You're all wonderful kind internet strangers and we appreciate you all.
**UPDATE AFTER FILING A POLICE REPORT:**
My sister and I went to the police station this morning. The officer suggested we each file our own reports for multiple reasons with one being my sister wasn't involved in the first attack and we each technically own one dog even though we share expenses. One dog I bought from a rescue and is "property" in my name and the attacked dog was bought under my sisters name. The video evidence was used for both reports but the messages were used for mine only since they came from my account.
The officer called animal control and viewed it as a good use of their weekend emergency service because the neighbor did not/could not provide proof of a rabies shot and is viewed as a public health risk and no one can confirm the dogs violence isn't attributed to that. That's probably not the case but city law requires all dogs within city limits to be registered with the city and up to date on all shots.
He suggested that we take our dogs and cars and leave the neighborhood between 2:00pm to 6:00pm or until we receive a follow up call from animal control. He also suggested we call our home owners insurance after we were done at the station and had a police report to give them. The police took photos of our injuries and said we need to take pictures of our dog once we got home.
We already took photos of ourselves and dog last night after reading through comments on here, but they wanted their own to file with the report.
We asked about getting a protection or restraining order but he said it would be very hard to do because we'd have the burden of proof showing that she maliciously and intentionally used her dog to harm us or prove a history of stalking us.
My boyfriend went out this morning and bought two cameras and a stack of SD cards. He has one set up to look out over our back yard and one looking out to where we park our cars and front porch. This lady is still letting her dogs run out free after the attack and we can get that on video.
My sister, dogs, and I are going to spend the night at my boyfriends house tonight just so we can stay clear of the crazy neighbor.
We called our insurance company and are giving them all the reports, bills, evidence, etc. they're sending an agent out tomorrow afternoon to take video and pictures of both yards and the gave us a list of local law firms that specialize in personal injury and property damage cases and will work in conjunction with whatever lawyer we go with. One thing the insurance company pointed out is they don't see any law firm named in my summons and think she may have filed and be representing herself. They also said the roommate texting us all week saying they'd pay for everything could be viewed as their admittance of fault but a lawyer would be able to confirm that.
We did message most of the neighbors on our row and a few of them have had bad experiences and are willing to write statements. The kicker is the family directly behind us has a teenage son who took a VIDEO on his phone of the big attack! The neighbor dog had tried to attack her sons cat while he was on the back porch once and her son heard the yelling and whipped out his phone. I haven't seen it yet but his mother said they'll gladly turn it over to our lawyer and write statements.
We're going to be busy this week and have a lot to do to get everything together but it seems like we have a very solid case.
Thank you so much for all of your advice and time. You guys are incredible. I'll continue to update or do an update thread when we have talked to a lawyer.
---
[**UPDATE POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ashq5q/update_neighbors_off_leash_dog_attacks_and/)
My sister and I spent the weekend after I posted researching local lawyers that were suggested by our insurance and found 3 we wanted to contact. The guy we went with is amazing and more vicious then the neighbors dog. He is also willing to take payment after a judgment or settlement and offered us a lower percentage then what we have researched is the norm.
Ends up his son had been attacked by an off leash dog once and he "feels very strongly that irresponsible dog owners understand the repercussions of their actions and that the neighbor is a threat and this needs to be handled quickly."
The neighbors mean dog has been put down. She was deemed uncontrollable and not able to be rehabbed.
We've seen the nice dog over the last few days with the roommate so she must have paid the fines to get her back.
Our lawyer responded to her case against me and confirmed we'd be meeting them in small claims court.
She was also served with 2 separate lawsuits. One from myself with my medical cost including estimated long term cost, rehab cost, lost work/vacation days, pain and suffering, and destruction of property. I'll explain the destruction of property shortly.
One for my sister including estimated long term medical cost, lost work/vacation days, property damage (our dog), and pain and suffering.
Her lawsuit against me has a court date of March 5th. After she was served with our lawsuits, she apparently desperately tried dropping the case against me but the prosecutor denied her request (didn't know they could do that). She then tried contacting our lawyer multiple times to ask him to get the prosecutor to drop the case, he informed her that wasn't something he had control of and we'd still be moving forward with the 2 lawsuits against her.
She finally got herself a lawyer and our lawyer was contacted with settlement offers that in his term were, "laughable" and we refused the settlement offers.
Our lawyer used past cases of dog attacks in NC where settlements of over 800k were paid out and that involved cases where the dogs owners actually tried to stop the attack.
Now for some extra facts.
My left wrist is going to need surgery that's scheduled to take place on February 27th.
Our dog had the drain removed from her neck and her skin graft is healing up nicely but she's still in a cast with pins in her paw. The vet thinks she'll have a limp but will recover with no other long lasting injuries. She still refuses to go out the back door anymore and will cry and plant if we try.
The destruction of property in my claim comes from those cameras my boyfriend installed.
The day after her dog was put down, she literally took a baseball bat to everything in our front and back yard. She broke our porch railing, smashed all our flower pots, bent my hammocks metal base and used some kind of utility knife to slice up the hammock, tore the plants out of the ground in our garden (including pulling up imported maple trees), dumped some sort of substance that had a jelly like consistency into our koi pond killing all the fish, and broke various other things in our yard. She straight up went on a rampage that was all caught on the cameras. She also left 2 notes on our door, one threatened to shoot our dogs and that she'd have someone beat us up.
We called the cops immediately and they took it seriously. They asked if we wanted to press charges and we did.
Our lawyer used the notes and camera footage to get an emergency protection order for us and we haven't so much as seen her since, though we see her car come and go.
The video of the attack that the other neighbors son took was a pure godsend. It shows how she just sat there and did nothing to try and stop the attack. It also shows her audibly laughing during it. She only started trying to help when I started smashing her dog into the ground.
We also got statements from multiple neighbors and our lawyer is working on getting the multiple complaints from other families from the HOA.
He said it's pointless to go after the HOA and we wouldn't get worth while results from them. Our lawyer did tell us that the HOA has started the eviction process against the neighbors but that could take a long time and can be contested.
There was also a memo sent out to the neighborhood about leash rules and that there will be an upcoming vote about possibly muzzling dogs if they're in common areas outside of our private properties and other new neighborhood rules concerning pets.
I honestly can't tell if this lady had some sort of mental breakdown or is just plain crazy.
Either way, my sister and I both have our separate court dates against her in mid and end of March.
Thank you all so much for your advice and guidance. You guys not only gave us the knowledge but the confidence to fight this and were both so grateful to you all.
I'll be sure to update after the court dates and keep you guys up to date. Please feel free to ask any questions and I'll answer whatever I can. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ixp9cg/a_neighborhood_dog_with_a_history_of_aggression/ | ixp9cg | 14,147 | 367 | [
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2020-09-23T00:20:06 | OP's 16-year-old cousin is an American citizen living in Pakistan, and her parents are preparing to force her into a marriage. She has no access to her documents. [Posted two years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7h34dk/us_citizen_cousin_16f_is_abroad_and_under_heavy/) is by /u/Gofmine.*
My cousin is 16 years old. I'm 22 and live in MA. She was born in MA to non-citizen parents and has not been in the US since she was 1 year old. But she was born in the US so she is a US citizen. But she doesn't speak any English.
She currently lives in Pakistan and told me that she is under heavy pressure to get married to someone that is picked by her parents. She asked me to help her somehow get out of that situation and if possible come to the US. She doesn't have a passport or a US birth certificate. I know there is one, but she doesn't have it herself. Either her parents destroyed it or they have it.
She lives in a rural area, is generally heavily montitored and has a very limited internet access. She also can't go to the embassy which is in Islamabad, she lives in the Sindh province.
Who do I contact here to get her the help she needs? Is there a hope that she can come here? I'm happy to pay for her plane ticket.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/825ldu/us_citizen_cousin_16f_is_abroad_and_under_heavy/)
Thanks for your help and for pointing me in the right direction.
My sister and I contacted the state department, the embassy and the consulate in Karachi. They were able to verify that she exists and she's a US citizen. We told them of what's happening to her and they were quite helpful in telling us what to do and being ready to help her as soon as possible.
The challenge was getting her into the consulate in Karachi but she actually got herself there (took weeks of planning) where they gave her travel documents to be able to come to the US. We bought tickets for her to go from Karachi to Doha and then to Boston where we picket her up from the airport.
By the time her parents realized what's what she was on the Doha to Boston flight. Her parents tried to apply for a visa to come to the US but their visa applications were refused. I'm not aware if the people at the embassy who refused it actually knew about my cousin's supituation or not but we're glad they weren't able to come here.
She currently lives with me and my sister and my sister has been granted guardianship over her. Her priority is to learn English.
Her parents still try to somehow make her return but we've closed down the lines of communication and hopefully her life from now on will be stress-free. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ixzop1/ops_16yearold_cousin_is_an_american_citizen/ | ixzop1 | 2,509 | 421 | [
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2020-09-23T03:29:27 | OP made a deal with their roommate to get maintenance done on Jeep and roommate breaks this deal. OP takes car away and many bad things happen for the roommate. [Original Posted 2 Months Ago] | null | *This is a repost.* [*The original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hvwkxd/aita_for_not_letting_my_roommate_use_the_car/) *is by* [*/*](https://www.reddit.com/u/freerunlady92/)*u/Wanderlost404.*
I own two vehicles outright - a newer vehicle that is my daily driver and a 2001 model Jeep Cherokee that I keep because 2-3 times a month I want to use the 4WD for something. I'd considered selling the Jeep because I don't need two vehicles but decided to keep it for now.
The deal: The Jeep is in my name and I pay the insurance for it. I made a deal with my roommate that they can drive it as much as they want (I gave them keys) provided that (1) they pay for their own gas and (2) they pay for upkeep/repairs on the Jeep *up to the cost* I pay for insurance on it every year. This includes oil changes and the like.
My roommate does not have a car and they are dependent on my Jeep to get to work.
I've been asking them for a few months to get the oil changed and they haven't (it's past due by two months). I've been asking them to get basic maintenance done since April and they haven't done anything - it needs two new tires (I'm willing to help with the cost of this), the spark plugs, and the windshield wipers are completely screwed. Nothing major, all just basic maintenance.
I confronted them about it with an ultimatum - go get basic maintenance done as per our deal or I'll take the keys back. I've been asking them to do maintenance since April and provided this ultimatum on June 1st, with reminders ever since.
Last Friday I took the keys back (I told them a week prior that I WOULD DO SO so they could plan for it) and said they can't drive it anymore if they won't do maintenance as per our deal. They have missed work so far this week because they can't get to work and didn't make other plans to get there. There have been constant fights about this because they can't afford the maintenance and I am preventing them from getting to their job to make money in order to be able to afford it - but I've been asking since April ffs.
AITA for taking the keys back and preventing them from going to work? It is reasonable that they might get fired if they miss the entire week, but I've given ample warning. Several of our friends are saying that I'm TA because I can technically afford to get things fixed myself (and should give them a break) or that I should let them keep driving it until they can pay for it (because they need to get to work).
*EDIT: It is quite possible they will lose their job if they don't get back to work soon, they are otherwise a decent roommate, and the pandemic has been rougher on them than on me (I have more disposable income). They sometimes do my dishes along with theirs but otherwise things are 'even' between us apart from my loan of the car.*
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Update Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ivijt0/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_roommate_use_the/)
So quite a bit has changed in my life since I made that last post.
Roommate did lose his job. He got a few rides from coworkers and his sister (who visited for three days during the pandemic) but often he didn't make it in on time and missed more days on top of that.
He borrowed/stole/whatever the keys the day after he lost his job and drove my Jeep to work to try and convince them not to fire them. Apparently he threw a fit while he was there, so he's definitely not getting rehired. He threw a fit when he got back too, doing (very) slight damage to my Jeep (I was home and pissed when I realized he'd taken it out).
He maintained that it was unfair of me to expect him to pay for all my repairs, etc. even with the stipulations outlined in the previous post. He got more and more combative every day and kept making up excuses to use the Jeep and ask for the keys again, which I'd hidden better.
Anyway. I paid up through October (rental house in a rural area) and moved in with my brother and his husband. His husband lost his job almost as soon as COVID hit and they've been having trouble paying rent on one salary. We used splitwise (website) to figure out how much I'd contribute. I'm sleeping in their second bedroom which is set up as an office, so it's not ideal (I don't have as much privacy as I'd like and they have less access to their office) but I'm saving a decent bit of money.
We're planning for 6 months of this set up at present, which will let me save to find a better place without a roommate and give them time to get their finances sorted out.
Oh, and I sold the Jeep to my roommates Uncle. Apparently he bitched about it enough to EVERYONE that his Uncle realized he kinda wanted a Jeep - I got a bit less than KBB value for it, but it was quick cash. There was only one parking spot available for me at my brother's apartment so I was in a hurry. I have no idea if my roommate is driving it now or not.
I still feel a twinge of sadness/nostalgia when I think of the Jeep I don't have anymore. There's reasons I kept it when I wasn't really using it. It was the right choice to sell it but part of me wishes I hadn't. | TheVideoGameWarden | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iy2nsu/op_made_a_deal_with_their_roommate_to_get/ | iy2nsu | 5,258 | 84 | [
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2020-09-23T14:10:47 | More in the tree law genre: OP's neighbor came on to OP's property and cut down all their trees, claiming they're a "hazard." [Posted two years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/72h3rm/oregon_neighbor_cut_down_several_trees_on_my/) (since deleted, but text recalled below) is by /u/throwaway0918273465.*
Hi, a friend told me to check this sub out for legal advice. I'm not sure whether this is worth getting a lawyer over, but I am pretty pissed.
So I moved into my current house about 2 years ago. It's a beautiful 3 acre property, mostly flat except for about a dozen large trees bordering part of a road that runs alongside my property. I'm not sure what type they are, but they're pretty big. I think they're oaks? I love them, they provide some great shade in the summer during part of the day and are just pretty.
My neighbor doesn't like them. He's not really my neighbor, since his house is quite a bit down the road, but he's the closest one to me. When I first moved in, he came over and introduced himself and asked if I planned to do anything about the trees. I was confused and told him no. He told me a little bit before I moved in, one of the trees had a branch break off and fall into the road, causing an obstruction that "lasted a whole day" according to him. He said the previous owner didn't care and didn't cut down the trees, but he (the neighbor) hoped that I would. I told him I would talk to the previous owner and see about it. I did that, and though it was 2 years ago, as I recall the owner told me he went out and moved the branch the moment he saw it. We talked a bit more and I decided not to cut down the trees. Like I said, I liked them.
Anyways, that's all the backstory that I think matters. So I was away this past week/weekend visiting family for our annual reunion. I come back and honestly almost drove past my own house, because I was so used to seeing the line of trees and they weren't there. HE CUT DOWN ALL MY TREES. I immediately went and asked him and he said he had them removed due to being a "hazard" and that it was legal because the city signed off on it?? I was livid but just left and told him to stay off my property. There aren't even stumps, guys. They are completely gone. I asked my other neighbors, one who lives down the road the opposite way and another across the way, what happened and they said he had a company out there cutting them down all week. One of them asked him about it and apparently he showed them some document from the city that gave him permission to remove the trees.
Is that true?? Can he just remove my trees? Should I call a lawyer about this? Should I call the city? I don't even know where to start, it's left that whole area of my property an ugly strip of dirt and loose earth. I know the trees are definitely on my property; the previous owner and real estate agent walked around with me and I remember them showing me the extent of the property, and it's not like the trees are right up against the road. The trunks were like 15-20 feet in from the road, and were probably 15 feet apart? I'm not sure but they stretched a pretty good amount along the road and some of the branches definitely hung over the road. What should I do?
**Edit:** So I've been meticulously checking this for comments, thank you so much to everyone who has offered advice!! I also called the previous owner who was rather surprised to hear from me, and told him what happened. He was also pissed. He told me those trees had been there since before he bought the house (20 something years ago) and he also told me what kind! He says they were white oaks but I'm gonna go with what some people suggested and hire an arborist to come out. By the way, I should've been more clear, whoever removed the trees didn't take out all the stumps, I meant like the classic 2 feet stump wasn't there, they were trimmed down to like a few inches. Barely noticeable, and there is a lot of loose dirt, like they tried digging or something. I also saw the comment about a paint sketch and made one!
Paint sketch: https://imgur.com/a/z6yPw
I'm going to talk to the police tomorrow and see if I can talk to whoever is in charge of these matters with the city. Hopefully they can tell me if they gave permission to my neighbor or not. Thanks everyone!
**QUICK UPDATE**
Hi everyone! This blew up overnight, and I am so thankful for all the advice!! This was a busy morning but I think I'm on the right track. Some of your comments were shocking...are trees really worth that much?? I know my neighbor is a little wealthy since he's told me about a summer house he has in Sunriver (is that okay that I mention the general area of his summer home?) but idk if he paid for this or what. I went to the police first thing and asked to report trespassing and possible vandalism. The officer took down my story and I even brought him some photos, which he asked to keep. He then told me, and this kind of pissed me off, that unless I had proof of my neighbor cutting these trees down, or giving authorization to cut them down, it may turn into my word against my neighbor's. He suggested I just pursue this in court myself. Is he right? I don't want to question a police officer but I want to be sure. While at the police station, I asked who I would talk to specifically with the city about permits and tree removals, and the officer told me to try the public works, which matched what a user commented (thank you!!) I went home and called them. The lady asked for my street address so she could check it against their records and I did and she found nothing. Not a single thing! She said there was nothing regarding my address or property in the last 6 weeks. I noted that and thanked her. Then I called an arborist like many of you suggested and made an appointment for later this week; she (arborist) also asked that I have some photos of the trees when she comes which is fine since I have more. Finally, I looked up companies that do landscaping or logging or tree removal, covering all my bases since I really don't know who would handle tree removal anywhere other than a forest. Anyways, after calling a few places I got one who confirmed that they did the job and told me they were following a city order. That call was after I called the lady at the public works for the city and she told me there was no record of my address. Did my neighbor lie to this company?? They didn't ask me for more details and when I asked who showed them the order they said they couldn't tell me. Wtf?! Is that true? I'm going to look up some law offices in my general area and reach out about all this. Does this fall under a specific type of law office? Like should I hire a specific lawyer? Sorry I'm really out of my league here. I'll let you all know what happens though, thank you again for the great advice and support!!
**Edit to quick update:** The company was a tree service by the way. Didn't even know that was a business type. They aren't exactly local but relatively close by. They didn't tell me what happened to the trees either.
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7p3ubz/updateoregon_neighbor_cut_down_trees_on_my/)
Hello legal advice community! I have not forgotten about you, who helped set me on the path to justice! I'll get right to it. I can't speak to all the details, and I'm sorry about not continuing to update (after everything got underway I figured it would be best not to). To keep it short, we (my lawyer and I) spoke to the police, who then spoke to the neighbors down and across the street (the one who witnessed my trees getting cut down) who stated they saw the neighbor and the company cutting down the trees, and then finally they spoke to him (neighbor). I don't know much beyond that with the criminal investigation, what happened with the whole city document or the company, and why that is will be explained below.
I hauled his ass into court. Well, first, the arborist came, as did the surveyor. The trees were on my property and they were white oaks. The arborist gave me an estimate on having 15 mature white oaks brought and replanted on my property, which was just shy of $650,000, though he did say some trees would die and that would drive the cost up. I also had my property appraised, for the difference before and after losing my trees. It then became a question of whether I wanted to pursue my lost trees and see how much their lumber was worth, or sue for the replacement cost and loss of property value. Basically, do I want the trees back or do I want the cost of the ones I lost? (apparently you can't have both).
Well guys...
I PICKED THE TREES.
The actual court stuff started a lot sooner than I thought. We filed, a few weeks passed, and a few days before our day in court his lawyer reached out with a settlement offer. Apparently he was wealthier than I thought. We accepted and while I can't speak to the details of it...
I'M GETTING THE TREES BACK!
It's going to take a long time apparently (several months, possibly all the way until September since the process didn't start until just this week due to the Holidays), but I will have all 12 trees back on my property at no cost to me! My neighbor has also put his house up for sale, and I haven't seen him for quite some time now. Oh well! There's a bit more to the settlement, but I don't feel comfortable speaking to that, hopefully that's understandable.
I remember some of the comments about whether the trees were a hazard to the road based on how far they were from the road. I ended up having to check with the county (not the city), and they sent someone out to measure and mark the boundaries. My trees were at least 5 feet beyond it (so outside the boundary). Not even close! Just thought I'd add that in.
Anyways, there it is! I plan to take photos of the trees once they start getting put in, and of course once they are all in place and I have them back. I'll be sure to share them! I want to thank everyone for all their advice, it was a huge help! I didn't know you all were so into trees, but I'm glad you are!
Have a good one everyone! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iyaus3/more_in_the_tree_law_genre_ops_neighbor_came_on/ | iyaus3 | 10,048 | 253 | [
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2020-09-24T02:57:50 | OP took in a sick/injured stray cat, and after an exhaustive good faith effort to find a prior owner, she adopted it. Now, years later, someone claiming to be its rightful owner is demanding the cat. And it gets weird. [Posted 2 years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8pn7in/had_my_cat_for_3_years_stranger_now_claiming_he/) is by /u/Pettheftthrow.*
Over two years ago a stray cat wandered into my yard. He had no tags and no microchip, and had multiple infected bite wounds. He was also unneutered. I had his wounds treated and made a good faith effort to find the owner. This included posting flyers, giving a description and contact info to the local vet offices and shelters, and posting to the community Facebook page and places like Craigs list and the forum for the local paper. No one came forward.
After his initial wounds healed we discovered his hind leg had been broken and had healed wrong. He needed a major operation to fix it and was neutered at the same time. Though I had originally planned to find him a new home...well, after months of physical therapy and bonding he wasn't going anywhere.
Fast forward to a few months ago. Someone contacted me on social media claiming to be the cat's original owner. The cat has a distinctive marking and he does have photos that appear to be the same cat as a kitten. He claimed that they allowed the cat outside and one night he didn't return. They assumed he was dead and per the man himself made no effort to find him. The cat was less then six months old when he disappeared and less then a year when I found him. The man claimed his daughter was devastated and wants the cat returned.
I did not confirm the cat was the same animal (since I can't know for sure), but I did say if it was the same cat I've now have him for longer then the original potiential owner (6 months vs. Almost 3 years). Due to this and the fact that he had no tag or chip and the owner never searched for him, I don't feel I have to return him.
I have not contacted the man since, but he continues to message me at least once a week and is now threatening to take me to court. (I have not replied.)
Is this something I need to worry about? Should I look into getting a lawyer? If he did try to sue for cat custody would he have a case? Considering the time line, it's likely the cat's leg was broken while in the care of the owner and my vet is willing to testify to that. Would that increase the likelihood I would win if he tried to sue?
I'm really not willing to give up this cat. I've paid over 5,000 getting him healthy, but more important then the money is the simple fact that I love the furry little jerk. I don't want him going back to a home that neglected him and let him roam without even the most basic care.
I don't believe the man knows where I live...my social media was pretty locked down as far as personal info in the first place. I don't actually know how he found me though, and that makes me nervous. If he continues contacting me is there anything I can do legally to to discourage that?
---
[**FIRST UPDATE** (summary of first post removed for brevity)](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9791lt/i_stole_an_abandoned_cat_situation_has_escalated/)
On advice from the good people here I blocked further messages.
Yesterday I got a letter in the mail demanding return of the cat. Previously they were only contacting me on social media, which did not have my home address or any identifying information. I don't know how they found out where I live but I'm now very worried they might try to steal the cat. I have home security and the cat is indoor only and chipped. I'd like to think the guy wouldn't be dumb enough to break and enter, but clearly he isn't firing on all cylinders to begin with.
Should I file a police report? Can I even do that if they haven't broken any laws? The letter didn't contain any specific threats, just demands. Is there anything I can do legally to discourage further contact? Could a lawyer do something like a cease and desist letter?
I have no idea why this dude wants the cat he wrote off as dead years ago back so damn badly but kitty is happy and healthy and sassy and not going anywhere. I don't want to spend my life afraid to run out to the store though, so any advice would be much appreciated.
---
[**SECOND UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9iwull/la_was_rightit_was_a_cat_scam_update_to_pet_theft/)
Recap. Years ago I took in an injured kitten. Earlier this year I was connected on social media by someone claiming to be the original owner. They demanded return of the kitty and I ignored them. They then escalated to sending letters to my home.
Some LA posters thought it might have been a scam. I was sceptical because they hadn't asked for money even after things had dragged on for a while. Well, I guess they were playing the long con because I just got my first letter suggesting a few hundred dollars might just assist the "owner" to move on from their loss. As a bonus, it was sent on letterhead from a nonexistent lawyer's office. If I don't pay the cat fee they plan to sue. My favorite part is that they don't specify for what, exactly. They're just going to sue. You know, like lawyers do.
I'm still kinda worried they might try to steal kitty and demand a ransom (kitty is indoor only, chipped, and rarely left alone...on days I do have to work in office I've been taking him in with me.) But yeah, I'm thinking this is one of the weirder catfishing schemes on record.
I tried to tell kitty about his custody dispute, but he just yawned in my face and joined his big brothers for a celebratory afternoon nap. Though he did hack up a hairball on my pillow yesterday...paying someone else to take him is starting to look pretty tempting.
---
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/b160co/update_the_exceptionally_stupid_ending_to_the_cat/)
You all thought it over. So did I. But no! Turns out this story really could get weirder
Recap- years ago I took in an injured stray cat. The cat was did not have a collar or chip. A good faith attempt was made to locate possible owners. After owning the cat for several years I began receiving messages on social media from someone claiming to be the original owner. They demanded I return the cat and I refused and blocked them. Eventually they escalated to sending letters to my home on letterhead from a nonexistent lawyer's office. The letters demanded I pay hundreds for the privilege of keeping the cat or they would sue (for what exactly was unspecified.) At this point it was clear this was a scam, albeit a bizarre one.
Someone on the bola thread suggested reporting the letters to the local bar association. I ignored the first two but when they kept arriving I went ahead and did so. I assume the bar association took some kind of action because the next letter I received was basically the scammer raging 'how dare you'. This was the first letter that contained an actual threat against my safety.
So, to cut this already way too long story short, I filed a police report. After some additional letters my cat now has a no contact order. Okay, okay, it's in my name, but we all know it's really for the cat.
I will say the threats were of the more creative, less actionable sort, but I'm hopeful this will truly put an end to it. This is honestly the single dumbest thing I've ever gone through.
My cat continues not to care. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iyozbz/op_took_in_a_sickinjured_stray_cat_and_after_an/ | iyozbz | 7,295 | 531 | [
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2020-09-24T14:59:15 | OP is worried about their 23-year-old son with cerebral palsy getting into a cohabiting relationship with a 58-year-old man who seems controlling and overbearing. [Posted a year ago] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c6lmmh/aita_for_telling_my_disabled_son_and_his_partner/) is by /u/concerned-parent1234.*
I'm fully prepared to be called an asshole.
My son is 23 and has cerebral palsy that is quite severe. It only affects him physically. He is very smart. I have recently setup his financials where he gets his disability sent to him directly and got him his own place.
His caregiver visits him daily at his new place. I did this because I wanted my son to be independent.
He did very well for a few months but recently he has gotten into a relationship with a 58 year old man that I simply do not approve of.
It's not that I'm homophobic. But it's the fact that this man older then me has now moved in with my son. They've only known each other for three months.
And what's worse is that my son isn't gay. I had a heartfelt conversation where my son broke down and admitted he isn't gay but is scared of dying alone.
I have been heartbroken ever since and tried to setup some counseling sessions only to find out that his partner is double booking activities on those days and forcing my son to choose.
I'm not sure what this older man's deal is. He is contributing around 25% of the rent and seems to work.
Last Sunday I had them over for lunch and I couldn't control myself. I called him a predator and I thought he was disgusting. He then proceeded to take it on himself to physically push my son out the house without even asking.
My son called me after and said that what I did was wrong and I don't understand his predicament.
Every instinct in me is telling me that man is bad news.
I'm contemplating reporting him to the authorities. But that might be going too far and my son will likely resent me.
Was I really the asshole for calling out that creep like that?
All I want is for my son to be happy. And right now, I really don't think this situation with a man he isn't attracted to is making him happy. But he is 23 and I may have overstepped.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cfr7yg/update_to_aita_for_telling_my_disabled_son_and/)
My son has moved back in with me last weekend.
The older man had apparently stopped working and was drinking heavily and being very loud and critical of my son.
I got a phone call from my son on Saturday with him in tears and asked me to help him.
I jumped into my car and brought him home. I also yelled at the man and told him I'm calling the cops.
I then called an officer I knew to accompany us back to the apartment so we could get his stuff.
When we got there it looked like the man had moved out in a hurry.
So while the locks get changed by the wonderful landlord, my son is back home with me.
I'm happy he is rid of that predator but I'm extremely sad my son felt he had to get companionship from a man like that.
I have setup therapy appointments that my son will actually be attending now.
I hope with all my heart he can find the happiness he is looking for.
Thank you to everyone for telling me I wasn't completely crazy.
**Comment on update**
Yes, he was a total predator. Once my son is in a better place, we will look into making a police report. Even if it doesn't go anywhere, maybe the paper trail will help someone else in the future like one person suggested on my original post. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iyyta2/op_is_worried_about_their_23yearold_son_with/ | iyyta2 | 3,379 | 290 | [
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2020-09-25T05:15:29 | A total stranger claims to own OP's house... and their fake claim on the house is going into foreclosure. [Posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/bz14od/someone_ive_never_met_claims_they_own_my_house/) is by /u/ThriftAllDay.*
Hi everyone, I wanted to get your opinion on something troubling. I'll try to be as detailed as I can be. We live in NYC if that helps.
We were just away on vacation for a week and came back home yesterday. When we returned, amoung the other junk mail, there was a letter from a law firm for a person whose name I'd never heard before, directed to our address. It said something along the lines of "We've recieved notice that a foreclosure action has been filed against you, please call us and we can represent you". It also listed the names of the two people involved in the lawsuit, as well as an incident number for the county clerk's office. This letter isn't an official letter, more of trying to drum up business for the law firm. We returned on Sunday, so were unable to get in touch with the county clerk until this morning.
This morning we called the county clerk's office and they said there is a Lis Pendens filed on our property, not a foreclosure. We said "How can this be possible, we've never missed a mortgage payment and have lived here for 6 years. We had a title search and checked for liens when we purchased the house, and we know the last 3 families to live here over the past 20 years, and it ain't these guys. We've never heard of either of the people involved in this lawsuit". The clerk couldn't really advise us, but gave us the name of the law firm who initiated the action, so we called them.
They told us that the person in the letter (who we have never met, spoken to, or had any dealings with whatsoever) is being sued because the law firms client was in dealings with him to buy foreclosures to flip, but now is out a lot of money due to some nefarious dealings on the part of the first guy. Apparently, this con artist was required by the law firm to provide deeds to any properties he owns, and among others he provided one for our address. How he got this, I don't know, I assume he made it in photoshop or something. He claims he owns our house and the one across the street, I have no idea if he actually owns the one across the street or not. We are still listed as the owners of our home in public records and we have the deed.
I cannot stress enough how much we do not know the man claiming to own our house. We have never met, spoken to, or had any dealings with him whatsoever. We had never even heard his name until yesterday. Our house has never been in foreclosure, while we've owned it and for any owners before that. We have an appointment for a consult with a lawyer on Wednesday, the one who helped us buy our house 6 years ago, coincidentally. But I have no idea what's going on or what this guy hopes to gain, how big of a deal this is or how complicated this will be to fix. Any guidance or advice anyone can offer in advance with our meeting with our lawyer would be very helpful. Thank you all.
**Edit:** Hey all. Thank you so much for all your guidance. Figures that the post I made about potentially getting screwed is the one that takes off.... Here's some more information based on everyone's comments.
The chance that this guy has a legitimate claim to our house is 0.000000000001%. Only a Sith deals in absolutes, so I don't want to say the chance is nil, but this guy is a known con man, being sued for conning somebody else. I looked his name up online and apparently he keeps creating new real estate companies to fleece people out of money, then escapes into the night. He's done it at least 3 times that I can find, based off dismal reviews of his real estate companies.
Unfortunately I can't speak to the people across the street because that was a flip that hasn't been sold yet. He may or may not actually own it, I have no idea.
At this point we are not personally involved in this lawsuit, our property is just associated with it. The con man hasn't made any attempts to acquire our property, he is just lying to the law firm suing him, saying he already bought it. Why, I don't know. The only thing I can think of is that he bought no properties with the money his business partner gave him, and is now desperately trying to cover his ass with falsified documents. Why did he not think that he would be found out? That's just the way malignant narcissists work I guess....
I definitely look into our title insurance standing. I'm a worry wart, so if it was offered to us, I would have taken it.
I'll definitely keep you all updated as we meet with our lawyer tomorrow and things progress. Thank you all so much, keep being awesome reddit. ❤
---
[**FIRST UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/bzv7z4/update_someone_ive_never_met_claims_they_own_my/)
Hi everyone – I can’t thank you enough for all your advice on my last post: “Someone I’ve never met claims they own my house”. This is the first update, and I’m hopeful there will just be one more after this, wrapping everything up so we can put this behind us. This is what has happened since my last post:
After the initial letter from the law firm saying they can represent us, we started getting phone calls from other firms, saying they’d been alerted to the Lis Pendens and could also represent us. We were not super happy with this and asked how they got our cell number. They said they subscribe to a service that alerts them when things like liens, foreclosures etc. are filed on a property. We hung up.
We looked at all our documents from the closing and confirmed that we do indeed have homeowner’s title insurance (yay!). Our deed is a “Bargain and Sale” deed, for those wondering. We also pulled all deed/mortgages and other documents for our property going back to 1972 online. The last action was when we bought our house – no documents have been filed since. I signed up on ACRIS to be alerted to any changes made to the property documents (thank you for the redditor who suggested that). I also emailed the DA for my county, and their economic crimes bureau head emailed me back to ask for my cell number to follow up with me. I gave it to him, but he hasn’t called yet, so maybe that will be in the next (and hopefully final) update.
My husband met with our lawyer this morning, and I asked him to speak about all the things that you all suggested in the last post. Prior to the meeting, our lawyer had reached out to the firm who filed the Lis Pendens, and actually got a copy of the court transcript where the con man said he owns our property. According to the transcript, he claims he bought it in 2016. Our lawyer called their law firm and basically said “Where is the deed?” They supposedly hemmed and hawed about it, so we’re starting to think they don’t have it, and never did! They may just be going off the words of a sleezeball who’s like “Yeah, I totally own that place. I even have a deed for it. No, you can’t see it.” It’s possible that based off this alone, they filed against our property.
In addition, it’s not like this guy is saying he bought our house last week and the paperwork just hasn’t been filed yet, he claims he bought it 3 YEARS AGO and there is STILL no paperwork filed to attest to this fact. (I was able to pull up all records for our home going back nearly 50 years, in about 15 minutes online). Our lawyer does not like the way this other firm is handling this, and basically said to them “You have no grounds for this. Take it off.”
The attorney handling this case at that law firm is out of the office today and tomorrow, but will be calling our lawyer back on Friday. I am hopeful that it will just be a matter of “Take the Lis Pendens off.” And “Ok”. I’ll update again after the call between the lawyers. I told my husband the number 1 question is “Where. Is. The. Deed?” When we initially spoke with them, they clearly said they had it in hand, which is part of the reason I was freaking out. I honestly just want to be done with this, so getting back at the suing law firm for gross negligence (or whatever term fits the issue) is of no interest to me at the moment. If they give us a hard time about removing the Lis Pendens, then we’ll see.
So far my takeaway from this that I would share with anyone going through something similar is that law firms are made up of people. And just like people can be good and smart and kind (like all of you!) they can also be dumb, shifty and lazy, and not bother to do their due diligence even though that’s like 50% of why they exist in the first place (but I’m not bitter……).
Thank you all so much for your help, I'll update again as things progress and hopefully conclude.
---
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/culsaf/update_someone_ive_never_met_claims_they_own_my/)
So it has been a while since my previous update, and I wish I could tell you all that it's because we were involved in a super exciting court battle ("No, YOU'RE out of order!") but the truth is much more annoying and banal, as life tends to be.
As we left it in the last post a couple months ago, our lawyer called the law firm who submitted the action against our property and said "You have no grounds for this, take it off." The paralegal he spoke to said the lawyer handling the case was out that day but would contact our lawyer soon.
They did not. For WEEKS. Despite everyone bugging them, they were very disinterested in resolving the issue. Color me shocked.
In the meantime, we're getting junk mail from law firms and mortgage management companies at least every 2-3 days, saying they can help us with this issue we don't have. The notices start to be addressed to us personally instead of the this other random guy who said he owned our house. This displeases us. I start keeping a little pile of these letters next to the stairs with copies of our mortgage payments notices from the bank, just in case.
This goes on for a while, long enough for my initial (!!!!!!!) anxiety to fade into more of an "Eh." situation. Until yesterday.
Our lawyer finally got a response to his email from July, where he outlines everything and attached a preponderance of evidence showing we continue to own our house, and their response is, and I quote : "We will remove the action." Period. No Good Afternoon, no Sincerely. We will remove the action. A shart of an email after weeks of worry.
So with a whimper, we got what we wanted. Obviously we will continue to monitor everything until they actually do what they said they will, but it is a load off my mind. I wish I had something more exciting to tell you, but it seems in the legal world, exciting = bad.
Thank you all for your concern, your advice, and your upvotes. I hope that if any of you face a similar situation, that reading this can help you figure out how to resolve it.
❤ | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/izdmom/a_total_stranger_claims_to_own_ops_house_and/ | izdmom | 10,911 | 253 | [
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2020-09-25T16:44:50 | A video game company sends OP a cease-and-desist letter after he makes a YouTube video review that's critical of their game. And they've used some pretty unsavory deception tactics to obtain OP's address for the letter. [Posted about a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9z5mms/i_do_reviews_i_reveiced_a_cease_and_desist_after/) is by /u/justdoreviews.*
Hello, now I am not some big reviewer. I barely have 10k subs on YT and I do it more as a hobby and not anywhere near a job.
Recently I posted a review about a newly released game, it was very critical on a lot of points in the game but no where was I saying anything that was a lie. For some crazy reason this video received a massive influx of views compared to my normal 8-13k views and received over 1.6M views.
The publisher reached out to me and wanted some of my personal opinion on how to "improve" the game and what they could do to make it more enjoyable. I was ecstatic, and extremely happy that the company wanted my opinion of all people on what to improve or change. I was assuming they reached out to a lot of people to get a pool of ideas and maybe hopefully implement them and improve the game.
Towards the end of our emails they asked for my name and address to mail out some "swag" for my time and effort in the emails. I sent probably several pages of ideas, and issues etc so thought cool, a poster or something would be nice.
Today I received a certified letter that contains a cease and desist about the game claiming if I continue to spread false information and affect sales I will be sued it also demanded I remove the review immediately.
I've privated the video but have yet to actually delete it, what can I do here? Are my opinions on a game not protected or can I actually be sued for this?
Edit: ahh typo in title, sorry on mobile.
Edit2: I will not be making the video public again until I have more solid info, I also will not be making a follow-up video as I do not want to poke a bear. I cannot afford an attorney to fight even a "frivolous" lawsuit. My state of Colorado does not have anti-SLAAP laws. I've emailed EFF and a few other attorneys who specialize in the industry and hope to hear back. I'm also not linking my YT channel, I'm not here for subs or views just some advice. Thank you everyone!
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/anjzhv/update_cease_and_desist_letter_after_posting_a/)
So it's been an interesting two months, after my post I started contacting a few attorneys locally and eventually had to call the state bar for a referral because of the type of possible laws not a lot of people handle that like a normal lawyer does that's usually family/criminal.
I finally found an attorney that understood what I was talking about and wanted a link to the Reddit post and agreed with the majority of the top advice I received.
He accepted a small retainer of $250 to respond to the cease and desist I received and a few possible future letters/calls.
He responded asking them exactly what statements I made that were false and requested exact times in the video that the statements were made. Since I previously privated the video we had to give them a different link.
He also outlined what will happen should they continue stating that during discovery he will be requesting all communication between QA, play testing, developers, and management to see if they were aware of any of these bugs/issues that may compromise a customer's experience while playing etc.
It also included a paragraph basically calling them out for reaching out to me and lying about "swag and wanting feedback" to get my information to send a cease and desist instead of going through the proper legal channels to obtain this and the fact that I still have yet to receive any "swag" that this is clearly the case.
Also included that they need to preserve all the emails they sent to other reviewers because it's of interest in the possible upcoming legal action. He also requested they preserve all sorts or other communication between QA, developers etc.
So after he had confirmed receipt of the letter we waited and waited. Nothing for about a month but then I received 3 large boxes containing games, posters, statues, a custom PS4 limited edition console, bobble heads, Funko pops, just every piece of swag I think they have for 3-4 of their games and a letter saying "Sorry it took so long for us to get this swag out to you!"
My attorney then sent out another letter asking about the status and their position on the cease and desist and we received a letter back with only a few sentences basically saying they made a mistake and we can expect no further correspondence on the matter and that the video can be reinstated if we so wish.
He sent out another asking about the lost ad revenue due to me having to private the video since they admitted it was a mistake. They sent out a check for $500 and some papers I needed to sign basically saying the issue is over and I won't sue them.
Thank you LA, I didn't get sued and after it all I came out ahead. I'm still not going to link my channel or the video or name the company in question but thanks for all your help! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/izmzah/a_video_game_company_sends_op_a_ceaseanddesist/ | izmzah | 5,017 | 468 | [
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2020-09-27T16:07:54 | OP rescued two extremely young kittens and carefully nursed them back to health. Her terrible brother-in-law then stole them and sold them for cash, and the new "owner" refuses to return them. [Posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/aezrh0/my_bil_stole_my_kittens_and_sold_them_police/) is by /u/croquem__bouche.*
Around a month ago I found two tiny kittens in my backyard with no sign of their mother around. Their eyes weren't even open yet. I took them in and started feeding them kitten formula and trying to get them to survive. My husband and I planned on keeping both. Since they were just strays we have no proof of ownership beyond vet bills.
While I was at work a few days ago my BIL came over to see my husband. Apparently while my husband was in the bathroom he scooped them up, put them in his sweatshirt pocket and left the house. Later that evening he admitted he'd taken them over text, and that he'd sold them to his coworker because he needed the money.
We went to the police station and tried to file a report, but as soon as the words "brother in law" left my mouth the police told me it was a civil matter that had to be worked out in the family.
I managed to find the coworker on social media because she began posting pictures of them. She's just been telling me that she's already attached and variations of too bad, so sad. I'm so worried she's not caring for them correctly, they're still small, and that they're going to die.
Is there any legal recourse for me here to get my kittens back since technically, my BIL stole and sold my property? Are the police being lazy? Does this woman have to give them back?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ah2rlc/update_my_bil_stole_my_kittens_and_sold_them/)
I got a lot of good advice so I just wanted to thank everyone and let you know what happened. I went back to the station and managed to talk to a police officer who was actually interested in doing his job. I showed him the texts, the conversations with the coworker, and copies of the vet bills. He went to have a chat with this coworker, and she voluntarily gave the kittens up. My cats are home safe! She did deny that she paid for them when talking to the officer, but I don't know what to believe.
Someone did suggest on my post that I go through my belongings to see if my BIL had stolen anything else. It turns out some stuff was missing, though nothing too precious because we didn't notice it missing right away. Still, I believe we will be pursuing this with the police as well. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j0tni3/op_rescued_two_extremely_young_kittens_and/ | j0tni3 | 2,403 | 346 | [
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2020-09-27T19:02:36 | OP offers to pay off his the student loans of his wife's adult son (with whom he's close), but does not extend the same offer to his wife's adult daughter (with whom he has a tense relationship). Predictably, this doesn't go well. | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/it4mi7/aita_for_paying_for_my_stepsons_college_but/) is by /u/throwaz126.*
Throwaway account, because my account has my name in it.
I (46M) have a wife “Janice” (44F) and two stepchildren “Jonas” (25M) and “Lucy” (25F). Their biological dad died in a car crash before they were born and Janice has raised them as a single mother. I met Janice about 5 years ago and we have been married for almost 2 years now. I love her very much and we have an amazing relationship.
When me and Janice started dating, we took things really slow. She said she had bad luck with men in the past and wanted to be sure. I of course respected that. After a year of dating she introduced me to her children. Jonas was really exited to meet me, but Lucy wasn’t. She was mean to me and overall distant. She made some inappropriate comments like “why do you even bother, when you will eventually leave my mom” or “my mom is better off without you”. I tried to bond with her, but I never forced her to do anything. She is an adult and when she said she doesn’t want to talk to me I respected that. On the other hand, me and Jonas really bonded. We got to know each other, we talk really often and we play tennis together when we meet.
About 2 years ago me and Janice got married and she moved into my place. Her kids live in a bigger city which is about 2 hours drive away and they both go to college there. Both of them were visiting Janice every other weekend, but when she moved into my place Lucy stopped visiting (there is no issue with my place, it’s a nice big house with a garden, swimming pool and tennis court). Jonas still comes every other weekend, but Lucy comes like once in 4 months.
Last month both Jonas and Lucy finished college and got their degrees. They came to us and we celebrated. Me and Jonas were talking and I offered to pay off his student debt. I never had my own children and I have some savings so it’s not that big of a deal for me. When I spoke to Lucy she asked if I could pay for her college as well but I said I won’t. She got upset and Janice got mad at me as well. She said that I can’t pay for one child and not for the other and that it’s either both or none. I get that, but Lucy was never interested in having any kind of relationship with me and now she wants to get money out of me. Jonas was more than nice to me and I want to help him out. Am I the asshole here?
Edit : Edited a mistake
Edit2 : I didn’t offer to pay for his debt in front of both of them. I talked with him about it in private, but he was exited and told Lucy.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j0q582/update_aita_for_paying_for_my_stepsons_college/)
I got a lot of messages asking for an update and how things ended up. Some of you guys gave me really good advice and I was able to see things from another perspective, I’m grateful for that.
It has been about 2 weeks since the incident and I’m happy to say that we resolved everything and we don’t argue anymore.
At first I apologized to my wife. I know I put her into really shitty position and caused a rift between our family. I only wanted to help Jonas, but I didn’t think it all the way through. My actions were shortsighted and I should have discussed this with her before offering to pay anything. We talked about everything and thankfully she’s not mad at me anymore. She said she knows my intentions were good, but she needs to keep things fair between her children. She understands why I don’t want to pay for Lucys college and admitted she was also surprised when Lucy asked me for money. I said if necessary I would tell Jonas I changed my mind about paying his debt and this way he would be mad at me and not at Janice, but we agreed to talk about it with the kids first.
About a week later we met with Jonas and Lucy to talk. I explained to Lucy why I won’t pay off her debt. I told her she was nothing but rude and disrespectful to me for 4 years, she said many times she doesn’t want anything to do with me and suddenly changed her mind when she thought she can get money out of me. She understood. She said she got so exited when Jonas told her I would pay off his debt and at the moment she thought I could do the same for her, but now she understands why I won’t and doesn’t blame me. She admitted she had some issues with her moms previous partners and that’s why she was so rude to me. When I heard that I offered to pay for her therapy so she can get better and Lucy accepted. At last Lucy said if I’m still willing to pay off Jonases debt, I should do it, because she doesn’t want to stay in the way of his happiness.
I asked Jonas if he’s okay with me paying off his debt and not his sisters and he said he is. He thanked me and was very grateful for the offer. Janice also agreed so I paid off his debt. I’m really happy I was able to help him like this, now he can focus on getting a nice home for his future family he always talks about and doesn’t have to worry about debts.
I really hope the therapy works and Lucy will be able to deal with her issues. I will try to put more effort into building a relationship with her and maybe in the future, I will also pay off her debt. But I haven’t told her, because I don’t want to hold it over her head nor I want her to fake it. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j0wqbp/op_offers_to_pay_off_his_the_student_loans_of_his/ | j0wqbp | 5,375 | 86 | [
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2020-09-29T00:36:21 | OP finds himself in the very odd position of being a "forgotten employee"-- a remote employee who fell through the cracks of a reorg and continues to draw checks while doing no work for 5 months. The catch is he now has a new job offer. Should he resign or continue the scam? [Posted 3 years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5psadr/i_have_become_a_forgotten_employees_for_a_few/) is by /u/jobthrowawayman.*
This is in Texas.
About a year ago I was "fired" for something I did not do. Basically they thought I was stealing from the company and had me fired in the system before they informed me in person.
When they caught the real thief, literally 5 minutes before I got the axe, I got called into HR where they apologized to me profusely and told me they would be working to reinstate me without losing my tenure or my vacation time. They asked me if there was anything they could do in the mean time. I asked for the vacation right then and there which made HR real happy because me being gone for 2 weeks made it easy for them to unfuck the situation.
While on vacation I broke my leg and was wheelchair bound for a month. When I informed HR of this they offered me the satellite office for temporary use since it was literally one block away and I could get there safely using my wheelchair.
The company had a satellite office close to my house that was basically just 2 rooms. One had a desk power socket and internet access and the other was the bathroom. The office was purchased for an exec who was wheelchair bound because of cancer. The office stayed empty for a few months when her cancer went terminal and eventually she passed on. When I was offered it they moved my PC and everything out there getting me set up.
That was the last time I have had any face to face with anyone in the company. Even after my leg healed I did not return to the normal building. I stayed in the office until HR wanted to move someone else in.
Well that never came. Five months ago my department was shuttered. My boss, several employees, and a few other management people were quietly let go. Some kind of thing happened at the top that caused a lot of people to be let go. By this time I was pretty much using the office as a second home and had not had any real contact with anyone outside of emails and the occasional phone call.
Once this happened I was just coming in to work everyday completing my tasks until they stopped coming. Then I just came in every day waiting until the hammer fell. It never did.
I have been coming in every single day, walking since its only a 5 minute walk unless its raining, hooking up my gaming laptop and hopping on discord with my friends to play. Sometimes I will bring my ps4 or xbone into the office and play that too.
I have been using this office and collecting a paycheck for the last 5ish months with no contact other than the company wide emails and former coworkers of mine calling me asking how things are going. To put it into context of how much I have stopped caring, when I told my girlfriend about my job situation she came to visit me at work. I will keep it G rated here for you guys and will let you use your imaginations as to the nature of her visit. I do not state this to brag but merely to pain the picture of how things are at my current "job"
All of this brings us to today. I have been using my free time to also study for several PC certs and have finally acquired them. I am getting job offers for a few places that will be a pretty big step up from my current position.
What are the pros and cons of taking the new jobs without "quitting" my first job? I know that technically I am currently in the clear legally. But I want to know if that changes if I start working at another job and collecting two paychecks? I am guessing very much yes but wanted to know more. Does the situation change if one of the companies allows me to work from home and I use my office to work at both jobs?
Yes I know I am being incredibly greedy but I am legitimately wondering here cause its like a very lucky situation I find myself in and it would be a complete waste to throw it away without a good reason. As in I could get in legal trouble is a very good reason to throw it all away and work at the new job.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8qmayg/update_i_am_a_forgotten_employee_who_has_been/)
Since that time I got denied for the second job and basically been coasting by until I landed another position and turned in my two weeks notice.
Recently I found a position at a tech firm that will allow me to work from home, is easier than what I used to do, and pays more. Basically tired of doing nothing even though Im getting paid for it.
The day after I mailed the keys to the satellite office back to the corporate office I got a phone call exactly at 8 AM. The head of HR for the former company wanted to speak with me in person. I asked her if there were any issues such as equipment that was not returned. She stated that there were no issues like that. They just had some questions about my job function over the last year.
I told her that they should have that information as head of HR and promptly disconnected stating I had to return back to work. She called back at 12:05 exactly.
I have been ducking her calls ever since. Her voicemails state that I am required to come into her office to discuss a few things. My emails with her have asked if there is anything that needs to be returned or issues with company property. Each time I am assured it is nothing like that, but that they need me to come into their office to discuss this with me in person. She calls at least once per day.
I am thinking I just need to ignore her until she either escalates or goes away.
How incredibly bad is that plan? Before anyone says it. I know... I know ok I should have quit a long time ago. I did not. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j1oogm/op_finds_himself_in_the_very_odd_position_of/ | j1oogm | 5,661 | 249 | [
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2020-09-29T15:13:43 | OP is a financially independent adult whose creepy, controlling father has placed a GPS tracker on their car. [Posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/b7146f/im_an_adult_and_my_father_put_a_gps_tracker_on_my/) is by /u/SuspiciousResponse6.*
I live in Philly my father lives in New York and the car has New York plates.
I am 20 years old and the car was originally Co-signed with my mother but I have since paid off the car. I am the only person on the title. I pay for the car insurance on my own and all other car fees/maintenance. My father put a gps on the car when I got it when I was 18 and living in his home and I have since moved out and he refuses to tell me where the GPS is hidden and I am not able to find it. He will text me and comment on where I am or where I was like "How was the movie you saw?" "Staying late at work today?" and it scares me because he is an abusive person. I feel trapped and this causes a lot of an anxiety for me.
Edit: Thanks everyone for your help! Ill make an update when anything changes.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/bgpy5c/update_and_more_questions_im_an_adult_and_my/)
Theres good news and bad new and another question. Also obligatory Philadelphia to please the bots.
I got the restraining order due to a past history of physical abuse.
But he denied putting a GPS in my car. I had a mechanic look at my car and he was unable to find a tracker. I've taken my car two 3 mechanics and they all found no tracker. I firmly believe that he is tracking me somehow but I am completely unsure of how. What can I do?
**FINAL UPDATE VIA COMMENTS FROM OP** (consolidated from multiple comments)
it is almost impossible for him to be tracking my phone and also unlikely because even times when my phone was not with me he knew where I was. My car is the only place it could be in my opinion. When ive gotten a ride from friends or walk places he never knows where I am accurately.
I've gotten a new phone since the last time I saw him and he knows none of my passwords or my current email address or any of that. Im not saying its impossible but I dont think its likely.
He is a mechanic. Thats one of the reasons why I think the tracker is on my car along with that he has told me that he put a GPS on my car. Unfortunately he didn't tell me through text so I have no proof that I could have presented at the hearing.
Now I have a restraining order so he isnt allowed to contact me but I fear he is still watching me through a tracker. After I got the restraining order he has not contacted me in anyway.
The title is in my name and my name alone. I will likely sell the car and buy a new (to me) car and a new cell phone while im at it.
There is only street parking by my house so it would be nearly impossible for him to tell which car is mine. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j214jt/op_is_a_financially_independent_adult_whose/ | j214jt | 2,764 | 227 | [
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2020-09-30T16:46:05 | A very long, twisted tale with multiple updates and a deeply evil HOA: OP sold a parcel of family land to a developer, who built a neighborhood. There's now an HOA, and they're aggressively trying to take the rest of OP's land. [Posted two years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7bil4z/ne_sold_land_around_my_house_to_a_developer_years/) is by /u/throwaway50847.*
So long story short, today has been an absolute shit show, I can't even comprehend where to start.
So my parents owned about 30 acres of land in the middle of nowhere Nebraska on the outskirts of town. My parents built their house in the late 80's and that's where I've lived my whole life. My parents passed away and I inheirted the property and it's all my land or was my land. Back in 2005, this developer bought up a bunch of neighboring land and wanted to my buy land, I told him I was willing to sell 10 acres furthest from the house (the adjoining section to his neighborhood). He asked for 20 acres and I told him that the 2nd 10 acres would be 3x the price and he agreed and we signed the paperwork and he bought the land and I was paid for it. End of story, or so I thought.
The land sat empty for over a decade since it took a while for him to sell the plots of land he made to home buyers and his company built houses. From about 2005 to 2012, the land sat empty and I didn't mind, I still mowed the grass and what not to keep it tidy, but never tried to take the land over or anything.
By fall of last year he had finished the entire area and there's about 200 homes in that neighborhood. Because of the neighborhood my 10 acres is now worth about 10-20x what it was originally worth and the HOA knows that.
Since the September of 2017, I've had a bunch of angry letters and citations left on my property and in my mailbox. Some of them include:
Having a barn larger than 7x7 feet (I have a 20 x 40 barn)
Having abandoned vehicles on my property (It's a project car shell, that I'm working on. I have the actual chassis in the barn but it needs quite a bit of work. I bought an old rusted body and it sits outside and will continue to do so until I can deal with it)
Having a non-coforming mailbox (Still no idea WTF this is)
Having the improper roof tiles (Again, no idea)
I ignored them and told the HOA members that I'm not part of their neighborhood and therefore have no reason to follow their bullshit rules. The HOA says since my property values have gone up, I owe backdues from the date I sold my land (BEFORE there was even a single house built) and have to correct everything on the list.
The back dues are current $10,200 but they state that if I don't pay by December 31st, 2017, I will be charged interest that has accrued? Again no idea where they are getting the interest from, but I do believe their HOA fees are around $750/year.
It'll cost me about $15,000-$20,000 to "fix" my house. I think it's absolute bullshit that they can even make me try to do so.
1) I went through all the documents I signed and not a single document from the developer makes any mention of a HOA or my association with it.
2) I have no idea why the HOA is coming after me. I live almost half a mile away from the nearest house that belongs to the neighborhood. The entire neighborhood has it's own little custom street signs and lamps. I don't have any of that, so how can they say I'm part of the HOA?
They said to either pay up or they will put a lien on my property and take it over. From what I understand, if I pay the $10,000; doesn't that mean I'm admitting to guilt and be forced into the HOA?
**UPDATE**: So just had a hour long discussion with the lawyer and he went through all the documents. He asked if I was sure that was every document and I told him it was and it was, when I sold all the documents I put them all in the same folder along with my taxes.
He says that there is no chance I'm in the HOA since I didn't sign anything. He let me know that he'd be glad to send them a cease and desist letter to the HOA.
I brought up adverse possession, and he suggested I don't pursue it since I want them to leave me alone rather than instigate anything bigger.
So for now, he said to not pay anyone or sign anything. He'll mail out the C&D letter today and he says if the HOA tries contacting me, I should just tell them to contact him instead. So I think I'm in the clear for now!
---
[**FIRST UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7cirxu/continued_ne_sold_land_around_my_house_to_a/)
So I met with a real estate attorney that was refereed to me by a Redditor on here and did the title search and I'm in the process of trying to find the old developers' master plans. So far here's what's been dug up.
I sold my land to Developer A. He owned the land for about 2 years and then filed bankruptcy and lost the land to the bank. That's when the maintenance of the land went to shit and I was mowing it and taking care of it, cause the bank didn't care. Bank sold it to Developer B and that is the person that built the current neighborhood. We got in touch with Developer B and he said he was no longer part of the neighborhood and in fact, the HOA is in charge of the entire area. His company just owned the lots and they sold/built on them for the families and they have 0 say anymore. I asked him about the master plans and if he thought he owned my remaining 10 acres, and he said absolutely not. The entire neighborhood sits on old land + the 20 acres that were purchased from in. So he was helpful and it was clear he had no wrongdoing.
I spoke to the lawyer to see if we could file and adverse possession on the land I maintained but he said it would be a waste of time and money, but I was just going to do it to spite the HOA. The title search and everything came up clean. It showed my parents as the previous owners and then me. So no way could they have owned my land. The records go way back, and there is a clear chain of ownership as my lawyer put it and it's incontestable.
We sent a HOA a cease and desist letter as well to stop contacting me unless they have actual signed documents that show I was part of a HOA. They never got back to me. I was out of town on came back last night to my mailbox missing. It was cut clear off the post with a chainsaw (wooden post with a metal mailbox on top). I told my lawyer this and he says that it is a big deal and that USPS would send the person to jail? I repurchased an identical mailbox and set up cameras all over the property. If they try it again, I'll have them on tape.
But the biggest thing we uncovered was that we found out what they are planning. Turns out that the HOA wants to put in ANOTHER community playground and a pool/clubhouse and they need land! They can't expand in any other direction since they're almost on the end of a highway on 1 side and the other sides are zoned for agriculture, they decided they'd try to take over my land. They have yet to also file a lien on my property so I'm guessing they were trying to force me into the HOA to make them sell my land below market value?
Either way, they showed their hand and now I'm on alert. We filed a complaint with the police regarding the stolen mailbox and we have a paper trail for that now. It's just a waiting game to see what they do next I guess. Should I send them a letter saying I know their plan and there is no way they can get my land? They have their monthly meeting every 2nd tuesday of the month, so it's in a few days and I'm sure I'll be the topic of discussion. Should I go to it?
---
[**SECOND UPDATE**](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7go96c/ne_hoa_towed_away_my_car_and_built_a_chainlink/)
So I was away for the holidays and I came back on Monday to find my project car was towed out of my driveway, my pond was emptied out and filled with gravel and sand and a fenced off 2 acres (2 chains by one furlong) of my property closest to HOA. I immediately called the police and filed a report regarding the stolen property. The car wasn't registered and was just an empty shell so I have no idea where it is nor will it be easy to track. It's not worth a lot (maybe $2,500?) but it's the principle of that jackass president of the HOA.
I had my lawyer draft up the C&D and sent it nearly 2 weeks ago and they haven't contacted me in any way except this. I hired a local salvage company to come tear up the fence this weekend and they are doing it free of charge since I'm letting them keep the fence to sell as scrap metal or whatever they do with it.
My lawyer suggested I send up a letter demanding payment to fix my pond as it was filled in with gravel and sand. A local landscape company quoted me nearly $8,000 to get the pond back to the way it was so that is what he suggested I ask and another $2,000 for loss of use of the pond. The HOA has lawyered up so I think it's best I no longer post anything else on here until it's settled. I didn't want to leave you all without some closure since you all have been an amazing help. I've put a picture of the layout since a few people asked. It's bad but should convey the land.
https://imgur.com/a/cGCnD
---
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8wcrux/resolved_ne_hoa_tried_to_take_my_land/)
So after 6 long months, everything been resolved. This is my final post regarding this, already asked my lawyer if I could post this and he said go ahead.
So the HOA board got a lawyer to respond to my C&D and they requested a meeting ASAP with my lawyer present as well. I didn't want to go but my lawyer suggested me hear them out at atleast. At the meeting, I noticed there president and some of the higher ups were not there.
The board had no idea what the hell was happening and their lawyer was just as confused as them. After I laid out my timeline of events they thanked me for my time accepted all the financial burden of replenishing my pond, missing car (couldn't locate it), and damages.
I got checks for everything and got my pond restored back in April and didn't really think much of it.
I found out a few weeks ago from the new HOA president. Turns out the old president, tresaurer and someone else had been stealing money from the coffers. They wanted my land to expand and put in a pool, clubhouse and etc just as I saw on their website. The old board fined everyone a ton of money to get all the cash together and buy my land. Instead they spent it on themselves. They needed my land somehow so they thought they could just take over the land I wasn't using.
Long story short, their entire plan fell apart after I fought back and brought to the other members of the HOA attention what they were doing. From what I've been told, they had to sell their house to pay back the HOA and have since moved away. The HOA has offered me market value for my land and I do plan on selling since I really don't use the land for anything and the money isn't bad.
I did not file any complaints with the Postal inspector or anything, since the situation resolved itself. I got a new project car and for those asking it was a '98 Supra with a bad engine. My new project is a '67 Fastback that I plan on restoring to look like Elanor. :)
I want to thank a ton of redditors for chiming in with advice including a few from Nebraska.
/u/silvoan /u/immo406 /u/dracofaerie2 /u/whatarestairs and others that PMed with advice and support.
and lastly /u/20000to0 for advising me regarding nebraska laws and getting me in touch with his awesome lawyer(i guess mine now too) | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j2przq/a_very_long_twisted_tale_with_multiple_updates/ | j2przq | 11,372 | 342 | [
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2020-10-01T15:03:00 | OP's anti-vax ex fabricated medical documents confirming their immuno-compromised daughter had received her necessary vaccines, causing the daughter to fall ill. Does OP have a legal case? [Posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/aqylaa/co_my_ex_lied_about_vaccinating_our_immune/) is by /u/ThrowYouAway2213.*
Me and my ex split up before our daughters birth. There were a variety of reasons for this that I wont get into here. One of them though was her anti-science beliefs. She's an anti-vaxxer and and doesn't trust science or medicine at all. Well, this sucks because our daughter was born premature and immunocompromised.
We have have 50/50 custody of her but due to her condition and my wife's anti science beliefs we argue constantly on how to handle her. Well, recently our daughter has made incredible progress and last year was given the go ahead to get vaccinated for certain virus's including chicken pox and the flu. My ex went crazy about this and started making my life a living hell. And threatened up and down to take me to court.
Around this time I also got a new job that payed a considerable amount more than my old. When this happened I decided I wanted to move my girl into a private school that has a program for immune compromised children and offered to pay 100% of tuition. The only problem (for her at least) is that this school requires students to be fully vaccinated, up to their medically allowed limit in my daughters case. My ex fought me up and down on this and we ended up in court. The judge agreed with me and ordered my daughter to be vaccinated.
Ex had a full breakdown but in the end agreed only on the condition she get to take her to "lessen the emotional damage and make sure the doctor doesn't poison her." I demanded the medical forms confirming this and she agreed. So, my daughter finally got vaccinated and last fall started at her awesome new school. Well, last week my daughter got incredibly sick and had to be rushed to the hospital from school. She somehow had contracted varicella (chicken pox) despite being vaccinated for it. I have been stressed out from the minute I got the call and confused as all hell how she got it. My daughter must have picked up on this and thought I was mad at her because when I was visiting her in the hospital she decided to tell me the "secret mommy promised to make her keep".
Turns out my ex didn't vaccinate her. She made my daughter lie about it. Instead she has been using "Special oils and salts to keep her from getting sick." What about the forms I got saying she was vaccinate? There fake. I called the doctor and it turns out she never went in and he never signed any forms confirming she was vaccinated. So my ex lied and faked forms to convince me she was vaccinated.
I'm pissed to say the least. My daughter is in the hospital because my ex decided to let her beliefs come before our child health. My ex doesn't know I know yet and I told my daughter not to tell her, I want her gone now. How do I approach this to make sue my ex suffers for this. I have the forms she handed me and texts from the day she took her. I also have the doctor on record saying he never signed off on these and that the ones I have a forged. I'm planning on speaking to a lawyer but I would like to know going in what to do. Thank you.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/aw6gch/my_ex_lied_about_vaccinating_our_immune/)
Wow, that last post got real popular it seems, for better and for worse. Seeing as you guys got were interested in it I thought I would come back with an update.
Well, a lot has happened since that day. My daughter is safe with me and was let out of the hospital about a week ago. She is getting better every day. I know though, you guys want the full story so here it ii
After I made that post I took the advice given to me and the next time I saw my daughter I told her that it was wrong of me to ask her to keep secrets and that it's ok to tell her mom. Along with that I saw a lawyer recommended to me by a trusted party. When I went to see him he told me that this is "A case lawyers salivate over" and that my ex is in a lot of trouble. I immediately filed for emergency custody of my daughter. I also got into contact with the doctor again and explained the situation fully to him. He says that while he will not be getting lawyers involved that he wishes for me to submit the evidence to the police and file a report. Along with this, my lawyer has gotten into contact with the court that originally ordered us to vaccinate our daughter and has handed over everything I gave to him. He has advised me to stay quite on this matter so i'll leave it at my ex is in a lot of trouble with them.
During this time, my ex started to get suspicious. Maybe it was because a friend told her about a post on reddit and she freaked out? Who knows. A few days later when I saw her at the hospital we had an altercation. She became hysterical and yelled various threats and insults at me. Including telling me that I want to "poison our daughter" right in front of our sick child. She was escorted out of the building and the head nurse had banned her from coming back. After this she sent me a barrage of texts telling me that I am a monster and that if she had vaccinated her that she would be dead now. This was sent to my lawyer. As he puts it, "she's what lawyers dream of when they hear who's on the other side of the court."
Outside of this, i've been advised to stay as quite as possible so i'll leave it with this.
This week I received emergency custody of my daughter until our custody hearing later this year. I have heard that the DA is slowly getting ready to move forward with a multitude of charges against my ex and that will land her in jail soonish.
And that's really it for now. I'm going to follow the advice given by my lawyer and say nothing else to anyone. I do not want the media involved in this for a few reasons so i've left this as vague as possible. When this is all said and done, if the interest is still there I may come back again. But for now, thanks for the advice in the original thread, me and my daughter appreciate you all. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j3a9gg/ops_antivax_ex_fabricated_medical_documents/ | j3a9gg | 6,052 | 350 | [
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2020-10-01T19:32:28 | u/Father-son-holytoast should really get mod. | META | I mean literally 80% of this sub is him. | splyfrede | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j3figm/ufathersonholytoast_should_really_get_mod/ | j3figm | 40 | 453 | [
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2020-10-02T00:36:55 | OP's controlling and jealous boyfriend is making a huge deal out of her living in the same house as her stepbrother, and is all but accusing her of sleeping with him (completely groundlessly, of course). [Posted 5 months ago] | Relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/g367sr/is_it_worth_it_to_try_to_work_things_out_with_my/) is by /u/throwaway909066.*
My boyfriend [19M] and I [19F] have been dating for just over a year. We’re both in university, and currently taking online classes due to the lockdown.
When they announced the transition to online classes I decided to move back to my mom’s, about an hour and a half away. My town is a bit of a student town, there aren’t many grocery delivery services and I don’t drive. I didn’t want to rely on the reduced bus service. My BF tried to convince me to move in with him, but I refused because I didn’t like the idea of being an illegal tenant in a house with 4 guys and one bathroom. My BF was not happy with this.
I’ve been back for 3 weeks and things have been tense, especially surrounding my stepbrother [22M]. My mom remarried when I was 15 and she moved her new husband and his son in. I’ve known stepbrother (SB) for 5 years and our relationship was always friendly but distant. He’s lived at home the entire time, and worked as a bartender prior to the quarantine.
Ever since I moved back, BF has been on my case about spending too much time with SB. He gets really upset because we “drive around aimlessly” every day (I’m on a learners permit, and SB is helping me practice while the streets are empty) and the fact that we hang out and watch stuff together. Heather weather was nice this week, and SB and I decided to eat our lunches in the backyard, picnic style. BF freaked out when he realized, accused me of going on “quarantine dates” behind his back. I didn’t even tell him this, I guess he stalked SB’s Instagram story. And it wasn’t a date, we are going into week 5 of quarantine, bored out of our minds and doing anything possible for a slight change of pace.
BF Called me yesterday and told me that he was unhappy, felt disrespected and that I needed to make a change to keep the relationship. He told me that SB and I are not like regular siblings, we didn’t grow up together and so he’s afraid things will escalate between us. I think this is gross, SB is not someone I would ever consider dating and I’m certain he feels the same. BF told me that I would need to stop hanging out with SB and spend more time FaceTiming and texting. Currently we FaceTime every day, minimum 1 hour, but he said his ideal would be 3 to 4 hours.
I think this is crazy, and part of me wants to tell him to shove it. But we had a great relationship before this and another part of me wants to fight and save it. I know my BF and I’m fairly sure he is acting like this because he’s still upset that I didn’t move in with him. But it’s going on week 4 and I’m not sure how much more I can handle. What should I do?
TLDR: moved back home for the lockdown and my boyfriend is acting possessive and jealous over me spending time with my stepbrother.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/g4ddku/update_is_it_worth_it_to_try_to_work_things_our/)
After I posted, I took some time to read the comments and form a plan. I texted BF, telling him essentially that I needed a bit of space to take a breather and reevaluate. I made it clear that I didn’t want to break up, but felt like I was always being monitored and I wanted to make a game plan to have healthy communication through this pandemic.
He called me super upset and accused me of choosing SB over him. I told him that it wasn’t about SB, it’s not like I chose SB, he’s literally just someone I get along with who I can hang out with during the pandemic. I explained to him that it was not like I was spending every waking moment with him, I do my homework in the morning, we hang out in the afternoon, and my evening time is divided between the 4 of us (mom, stepdad, SB) and FaceTiming BF.
BF then accused me of doing special, “boyfriend” activities with SB. He told me that it was always his dream to teach me to drive (he doesn’t even have his permit. Am I supposed to wait around for him to get it?). Also apparently me teaching SB how to bake bread? Which is stupid because I was going to make the bread to begin with, and SB “helped” by moving the heavy mixer, eating half the almond slices, and taking pictures for Instagram.
He also screamed at me for not moving in, saying how all this would have been prevented if we were living together. I told him that I have no interest in living somewhere that I’m not allowed to be. I can’t afford a fine from bylaw, and if I were to get kicked out, it would be more difficult to find my way home since I don’t drive.
In the end, I told BF that I would not give up my relationship with SB, who is part of my family and a genuinely nice guy, to ease my BFs insecurities and cater to his demands. I told BF that I needed time to cool down, and that I’d talk to him in a few days. That was all on Friday, and today I reached out to see how he was. He was still pissed at me and accusatory, so I basically told him that this wasn’t working and I want to break up. I did it over text and then blocked him, which probably makes me an asshole, but I literally couldn’t deal with anymore of him yelling at me and insulting my family.
Anyway thanks to everyone who commented. I’m really sad this is the outcome and I’ve been crying a lot, but I’m also kind of relieved.
TLDR: we broke up because he couldn’t see how controlling he was being. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j3kt6j/ops_controlling_and_jealous_boyfriend_is_making_a/ | j3kt6j | 5,448 | 242 | [
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2020-10-02T17:22:09 | OP's neighbor dons his vigilante cape to fight the injustice of people parallel parking in front of his house--by booby trapping the edge of his yard with tire-puncturing spikes. [Posted two years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8qspex/fl_my_neighbor_has_basically_booby_trapped_his/) is by /u/Kilen13.*
So I live in a house in a south Florida suburb where the streets are wide enough to allow street parking (legally) for guests as most houses only have a small driveway to fit a couple cars tops. This has never been an issue in the 3 years I've lived here but lately my neighbor has gotten really obsessed about people driving "up his lawn" and scuffing his grass when they park and this week decided to do something about it.
His grass goes all the way to the street and when people turn in to park they sometimes drive maybe a foot onto his grass if they're really careless. I've always told my guests to park away from his house because I know how angry he gets about it and I don't want the hassle. However said neighbor has now placed several rebar posts with the tops sharpened to tips right at the edge of his grass and they're low enough in that they're hard to spot if you're driving by or unfamiliar with the street. I asked the neighbor about it when I was walking my dog and he said that if people are gonna be dicks and drive on his lawn they deserve to get their tires punctured.
I have to assume that there is no way this is legal, but what exactly can I do about it? Is this something I should call the city about or is it a police matter?
**EDIT:** I've called the police non-emergency line from work and they said they would send out someone to take a look and talk to the neighbor if need be. I'll update when something happens.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8r1zpm/update_my_neighbor_has_basically_booby_trapped/)
I got home late last night and the posts were still there so after walking my dog I called the police non-emergency line again and they said they'd send a car out early in the morning.
I'm working from home today and sure enough around 8am a cop car pulled up to my neighbors house. Two officers stepped out and kicked around his front yard where the posts were before going up to knock on his door. There was about a 5 minute discussion where my neighbor looked quite agitated (couldn't hear what was said) but he came out with some gloves on and pulled all the posts out while the cops watched and he seemed to be shouting at them. The officers took the posts then one handed him something (not sure if a citation, pamphlet, or something else) and drove away. Neighbor left for work in a huff about 30 mins later.
Not sure if it's the last thing the neighbor will try but at least that hazard is gone. Thanks to everyone for the advice. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j3ys3w/ops_neighbor_dons_his_vigilante_cape_to_fight_the/ | j3ys3w | 2,673 | 224 | [
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2020-10-02T19:24:27 | OP tells her sister she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend on her wedding day. OP and her entire family find out that wasn't the real problem. | AITA | [**Original post (16 days ago)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/itw74c/aita_for_telling_my_sister_that_she_should_have/)
Throwaway because I don’t want any family members finding my real account.
My sister “Anne” (29F) has been best friends with “Ruby” (30F) for as long as I (25F) can remember, so growing up Ruby was like a second big sister to me. One thing that is important to note is that Ruby has always had the most outrageous fashion sense possible. She’s the person that would wear those runway outfits that you think no-one would actually wear.
Anne got engaged pre-COVID. Almost as soon as it happened she started being really weird to Ruby. When she made me maid of honour I was kind of surprised because they’ve always sworn to be the MOH at each other’s weddings, but I am her blood sister so it wasn’t that weird. But I was completely blown away when she made a groupchat and I found out that Ruby wasn’t even a bridesmaid. Both me and my mum tried to talk to her about it since we figured they had an argument or something but she would only say that Ruby didn’t care anyway. I know that Ruby was hurt but she didn’t want any drama so I agreed to let it go. Throughout the whole wedding process my mum kept asking Anne if she would invite Ruby, if she would ask Ruby’s opinion, etc. etc. but Anne refused to have any contact with her or talk about anything wedding-related with her whatsoever.
On Saturday my sister was married. She had a beautiful outside, socially distanced wedding. But she was SEETHING the whole time because of Ruby’s dress. It wasn’t at all outrageous by Ruby’s standards so I don't believe that she wanted to outshine my sister. She wore quite a simple wedding dress but that was her choice! As MOH I of course went to her fitting and that was literally the one she chose.
Anne has been cursing Ruby out and saying that their friendship is over ever since (like she hadn’t been ignoring her all through lockdown …) Finally I just said that she’s been friends with Ruby most of her life and she knows what she dresses like and that she should have expected this?? If it was that much of a problem she should have found a way to mention it to her … OR just made her a bridesmaid.
Anne LOST it with me. She sent Ruby some really horrible messages after she screamed at me. She didn’t say a word to me all of yesterday but she’s badmouthing me to our dad who is on her side. My mum has told Anne that she should apologise to Ruby for the nasty messages she sent and for yelling at me so Anne isn’t talking to her either. I don’t even know what’s going on but Ruby swears on her life that they didn’t have an argument or anything pre-COVID. Anne says that that’s none of my business and I should be supporting my “real” sister. My dad agrees with her and she’s rallied the other bridesmaids against me so idk, AITA?
Just to clear some things up:
1. Ruby didn't wear a wedding dress or anything really outrageous. It was a dark red, bodycon dress in a satiny material. There were lots of people in form-fitting dresses (the bridesmaids were wearing them!!!) and she didn't look out of place. EDIT AGAIN: some of you people are ridiculous lmao, assuming the absolute worse case scenario. It wasn't a spaghetti strap dress that just barely covered her butt. It was an appropriate length and had long sleeves.
2. If this needs saying twice: the BRIDESMAIDS were wearing bodycon dresses. So were many other guests. It wasn't a particularly traditional affair, nobody was offended by our figures, Ruby's dress didn't massively stick out.
3. Ruby IS very attractive. She always has been but I never thought it was an issue for Anne before.
4. Ruby and Anne had been best friends for 25 years (they didn't grow apart or anything, they stayed in constant contact even as adults) and then Anne suddenly wasn't talking to Ruby anymore. My mum and I weren't trying to be controlling, we were worried! We assumed that something really bad had happened for them to cut contact overnight. When Anne refused to talk about it my mum was only more worried because she's normally an open book.
5. I don't love Ruby more than Anne or anything like that. The only reason I'm so close to Ruby is because ANNE used to be so close to Ruby. They were basically inseperable so I grew up tagging after both of them. Of course I love Anne very much, I just think she's being unreasonable in this situation.
6. Ruby was always going to be at the actual wedding. The phrasing was bad on my part, sorry. When my mum was suggesting that Anne invite Ruby it was to wedding prep things like dress shopping etc.
7. I don't know if "Dave" (groom) has feelings for Ruby. I have never thought that, they've met many times and there's never been any signs that he does. I definitely do not think it is an affair because then surely my sister wouldn't want to marry Dave and neither would want Ruby at the wedding at all. Ruby doesn't have a history of going after Anne's boyfriends or crushes.
UPDATE: Based on some of the advice I'm receiving I was going to tell Anne this morning how much she means for me and that I'm there for her, but she's seething again so I'm not trying to. Dave asked me if I could talk to Anne, because they've also apparently had a massive fight because he tried to defend Ruby on the wedding night. He asked me if I could explain where he misstepped and how to make it up to her. This is the first time he's ever asked me for help with their relationship so he's clearly at a loss. I said I was just as confused and we didn't even know why she wasn't in the bridal party so he should just try and talk it out with Anne.
THIS is when it gets weird. Dave said that the reason Ruby wasn't in either wedding party was because he wanted her as a "Best Woman" and Anne wanted her as a Maid of Honour, but Anne wouldn't budge and said that they should just drop her from both parties to be fair. He said that she explained it to Ruby and that's why they had a fight, because Ruby wanted to be included. I said okay and just hung up but the more I think about it the more confused I am. If they had a massive fight about Ruby being Maid of Honour, surely Ruby would remember? Also, I don't know why Dave would want Ruby as his Best Woman when to my understanding he only met her after he started dating Anne.
I really am taking your advice not to meddle to heart (which is a nightmare because now my curiosity is totally piqued) so I won't bring it up. It's possible that this is all I'll ever know and this will bug me to my grave but I have made a vow not to push Anne anymore on it. Thank you everyone for your comments. Thank you all the NTA people for reassuring me that I'm not the one acting crazy, thank you also to all the helpful YTA/ESH verdicts that helped me see how I could change my behaviour in future to be a more supportive sister.
UPDATE 2: I'm even more confused.
Dave called me up about 30 mins ago asking me (in a very angry tone of voice) if any of his groomsmen behaved inappropriately towards me. I asked what and he asked again. I could hear Anne in the background shouting something. I said that they had been perfect gentlemen at the wedding and that I hadn't had any contact with them since.
He then asked me if Ruby knew that she was meant to be Best Woman. I said not to my understanding but it was possible that I don't know as both she and Anne had been quite secretive about what happened between them and that he'd be better off asking them themselves. He laughed and hung up. Ruby has texted me asking me what's happening and if I knew about the Best Woman/Maid of Honour thing. Just now, I got a message from one of the bridesmaids saying that if Dave calls me I shouldn't answer him. Anne is on the phone to my dad (screaming, it sounds like).
I have no clue what's going on but I think somewhere in this mess is the truth of what actually happened. Everything seems to be exploding, I now think that the bridesmaids or at least that particular one are involved and if things keep happening at this pace I think I should eventually find out what in the flying fuck is happening!!
UPDATE 3:
There has been a LOT of shouting and tears today, honestly I'm exhausted but so many people have commented for the update so here it is. I’m still kind of in shock. Anne has been lying to just about everyone. The story is VERY complicated and long. This list is actually what I used to wrap my own head around it. It’s all the facts I have in chronological order.
1. Dave has been to jail and is an ex drug addict. He met Ruby BEFORE he met Anne: after he recovered, he was really struggling with money and Ruby helped him a lot. He considers her to be one of his closest friends.
2. Two years later Dave was doing well at his job and much more stable and functional. Around this time Ruby introduced him to Anne.
3. Anne was very reluctant to have a relationship with Dave because of his past but she had strong feelings for him. Eventually they began dating but she was still ashamed of the person he used to be, so she told us that they met over a dating app. Dave consented to this at the time.
4. As Dave became more comfortable with himself and the relationship became more serious, he told Anne that she needed to be honest with us about his history. She agreed to tell us but she didn’t. She told Dave that she had and wrote a FAKE LETTER from my family about how we were really grateful for his honesty and accepted him. She told Ruby that my parents had reacted really badly, so Ruby never brought it up with Dave or my family because she thought it was still a very sensitive topic.
5. When Dave proposed, Anne started freaking out about the wedding. Dave wanted people from his support group to be there, Ruby as his Best Woman etc. which would expose the lies. But she still didn’t want to tell us who Dave was or Dave that she had lied to him, so she decided to continue lying instead of coming clean.
6. So, Anne:
· Pretended to be really upset that she couldn’t have Ruby as her MOH so she could make the argument that that she should be dropped from both wedding parties. She told Dave that she had explained their decision to Ruby and that Ruby had taken issue with it to keep him happy. In reality, she knew that if Ruby knew she was meant to be Best Woman, it could easily get back to me and my mum, and then raise questions from us about Ruby’s relationship with Dave. So she didn’t tell Ruby anything at all and that’s why Ruby was so confused about what happened and couldn’t think of anything.
· Told Dave and all of his friends from his support group that they shouldn’t mention the addiction in speeches or even casual conversation because it was a sensitive subject for certain family members before the wedding.
· Told the bridesmaids SO many lies about Ruby. She told them that she had a habit of causing scenes, that she was going to try and sleep with the groomsmen, that one of them was an ex-boyfriend of hers that dumped her, that she would get way too drunk. Essentially she painted Ruby as a disaster waiting to happen so the bridesmaids wouldn’t like her and also so that they could keep her away from certain people (specifically the ones that also knew Dave) at the wedding.
· Anne also told the bridesmaids that only reason that Ruby was invited is because I idolise her so they wouldn’t repeat any of the lies she told to me.
7. After the wedding, Anne put on her enormous meltdown about the dress. The bridesmaids obviously didn’t have a very positive opinion on Ruby so they were easy to convince that it was meant as a genuine slight. My dad did what Anne apparently expected everyone to do by caving immediately because she was the bride. If me and my mum had done the same Anne would basically have used it as an excuse to cut Ruby out of everyone’s life.
8. She tried to do the same thing with Dave’s groomsmen by insisting to him that they had said inappropriate things about the bridesmaids. The idea was to basically remove anybody that knew the truth about Dave from the general social circle so it wouldn’t come up again.
9. Dave smelt a rat. He asked what exactly the issue was with Ruby’s dress and what exactly his friends had said. Anne panicked and accused him of not loving her, choosing his friends over her etc. and it turned into a massive argument. Dave was mad and very suspicious so he started calling people up trying to figure out what happened.
10. A couple of the bridesmaids said that Anne was telling the truth about the groomsmen (she asked/pressured them to) but most were kind of weirded out by the request and I think they successfully got that across to Dave. He called me to ask if I knew what was going on. Anne told Dave that I was just like him caring about Ruby more than her, and also that I wasn’t there when it happened, but the timing of the story didn’t match up so Dave called me anyway. That was the weird phone call.
11. At this point he knew she was spouting BS so he asked her upfront what was going on. She broke down and told Dave everything.
12. He was fuming. He texted us all to let us know about his past and then basically kicked Anne out. She came to us where she then had to explain again everything.
Anne is absolutely shaken. I never considered her capable of this kind of deception and manipulation and I don’t think she has ever done something like this before.
Contrary to what some commenters seem to believe I don’t hate my sister. I feel sorry for her even though I’m really hurt by what she did because she feels so guilty and absolutely miserable because she’s worried that things will never be worked out with Dave. She’s gone to bed now very upset because our mum won’t even look at her. She’s fuming that Anne would deceive and hurt her and so many other people like this, I do understand where she’s coming from. My dad is also very shocked and hurt.
Anne texted Ruby. She sent her a message explaining and apologising but obviously Ruby is really angry and upset. She just told her that she couldn’t speak to her right now but maybe she’d call her in the morning once they’d both had a chance to calm down.
Dave is probably the most hurt out of everyone and I understand why. He wouldn’t speak to Anne but he did tell me that he really thought that he had our acceptance and that the letter she had written to him had been his most treasured possession ever since he received it and to find out that it was false was absolutely crushing. I told him that we did accept him for who he was and that nobody blamed him but I don’t think it helped much. He has asked for distance from our family and I understand why. I’m not sure when he’ll be willing to speak to Anne again or if he wants to be her husband after this. I wouldn’t blame him if he goes on to find someone else.
Thanks Reddit, it turned out everyone was way off base although I don't think anyone could have predicted this. but a lot of the comments were very insightful and gave me food for thought despite everyone kind of looking in the wrong directions. (Except the weirdos about the dress. You know who you are.)
​
[Update (1 day ago)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j2tasf/update_aita_for_telling_my_sister_that_she_should/)
The past two weeks have been very stressful. Anne and my mum have been fighting and crying for most of it.
We learnt that this deception of Anne’s was not out of the blue. She has had this obsession with her “image” for a very long time. She confessed to a lot of stuff from secondary school and her job. Some of it was worrying and some of it was really scary and manipulative. I feel so distant from the person she has become. There’s tension between us that I’m not sure will ever go away, even though it really pains me as well because she's my sister.
Once my dad heard some of the revelations, he decided that Anne should go to a therapist. Anne really struggled against the decision which lead to a massive fight between her and my dad. I’ve never seen my dad so angry, neither has she which is probably why she eventually agreed. The therapist is supposed to help Anne process her emotions after everything that has happened and also hopefully get to the root of her problem.
A lot of the comments suggested that our family wasn’t healthy in the way we interact with each other. I’m conflicted on this because on one hand me and my mum were right that something was very wrong, but then that doesn’t mean that we didn’t behave badly, if that makes sense. So I suggested family therapy. My parents are looking into it, hopefully we can learn a bit more about boundaries and each other and eventually move on from this.
Anne has been talking a lot to Ruby. From the sounds of it Ruby is still very upset, but I have been taking the advice not to meddle so much in their relationship and I am leaving them to it. Me and Ruby still speak a lot but not about Anne.
Dave sent a message two days ago that I think has sadly resolved this very terrible situation. After learning that this is part of a pattern of behaviour, he doesn’t think that he wants to be in a marriage with Anne at all, as he feels that she hasn’t only hurt him deeply but deceived him about the type of person she is. I know from Ruby that he is also seeking therapy and has confided in friends about what happened so he has a strong support system around him. I’m not getting involved with him other than that as I think he deserves distance from my family after everything, but knowing he’s okay does make me feel a little better.
Anne has taken this news badly. When she first got the message I think she had a panic attack, she was breathing really quickly and shaking and crying. She knows that Dave learnt about her past from Ruby and is absolutely furious with Ruby for telling him. She is just as preoccupied with the thought of being “someone divorced” as she is with the fact that Dave is leaving her. I really hope that the therapist helps her get better and although I’m not taking it as hard as my mum, I do feel guilty for not noticing this sooner because she's just not well. | deebeeuu | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j414xl/op_tells_her_sister_she_should_have_expected_to/ | j414xl | 18,202 | 187 | [
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2020-10-03T16:30:51 | OP's roommate seems hell-bent on "proving" that OP's boyfriend is cheating on her, even though he isn't. OP isn't sure what's up with her roommate's bizarre behavior. [Posted 2 years ago] | Relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/8q10gs/my_20f_friend_21f_is_going_to_great_lengths_to/) is by /u/FriendConflict54.*
So I live with Emily, a person I met a couple of years ago. We became fast friends, admittedly moved in together last year out of convenience, but have stayed true to our friendship, which has definitely strengthened. My boyfriend is Sam, someone I met about a year and a half ago. We’ve been dating for just over a year, with our relationship transitioning into an LDR about 5 months ago because Sam moved for work.
I never thought that there were any issues between Emily and Sam. In our early stages she was very gracious and seemed to know the perfect balance between socialising with Sam and giving us space. It was only when Sam moved away that she started making little comments about how ‘funny’ it would be if Sam had a side chick in his new city, or that I was actually a side chick and he’s gone home to his family. There is no way this is true - Sam has always been honest and open, has always mentioned that he quickly shuts girls down if they try it on with him, and as for the family thing I helped him move into his small 2-room apartment, and not a family home.
I’ve always shut this down very quickly whenever Emily starts on with it, however recently she’s been taking extra steps to try and make me believe that my boyfriend is cheating on me. She told me over dinner the other day that she had proof that Sam had ‘slid into the DMs’ of one of her friends, and showed me a screenshot of Sam’s ‘secret’ Twitter account hitting on her friend about 9 months ago. This account was not Sam’s username at all, and just in case it had been a secret account, I searched the username and it came up with a profile of a 15 year old boy also called ‘Sam’. Though I told Emily this, she was insisting that this profile was my Sam, and that he was clearly catfishing using this kid, or that he was Sam’s younger brother (Sam has no younger siblings). Last night she sent me an SOS message saying that there was an emergency, but after rushing home to see what was happening she said that the ‘emergency’ was that Sam doesn’t have his Facebook relationship on his profile, and that it was obvious he’s trying to appear single. The reason his relationship isn’t public is because I asked for it not to be, since I don’t believe that my relationship status is everyone’s business - we are ‘in a relationship’ on Facebook, but only privately. Yet again I explained this to Emily, and she still tried to argue that he could still be cheating, and that I was subconsciously manipulated to keep the status private by him (I really wasn’t).
I’ll clarify here that I’ve never said to Emily that I think Sam will cheat on me in his new city because I don’t, simple enough. It may have been that she was jealous or wanted him for herself but she is in a relationship of her own; her boyfriend of 2 years is over usually 2 - 3 nights a week. I’m definitely going to put her on an information diet regarding my relationship, but should I consider going further?
TL;DR - My friend and housemate is constantly trying to convince me that my boyfriend is cheating on me using flimsy evidence, is there a way of getting her to stop?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/8s86ql/update_my_20f_friend_21f_is_going_to_great/)
So I posted a few days ago about my housemate Emily who had made it her life’s mission to try and make me see that my long-distance boyfriend, Sam, was cheating on me.
After posting my original post I sat Emily down and told her that I would not be engaging in conversation with her about Sam at all. She tried to claim it was all in my best interests to listen to her, but did reign it in. Drama over.
… Until it all blew up. I got a very angry message yesterday from Emily’s boyfriend calling me every name under the sun, including a ‘home wrecker’. I asked him what the hell was going on, and he said that he knew all about how I’d been cheating on Sam and how I’d convinced Emily to do the same to him. It turns out he’d found out that Emily was on Tinder and was talking to guys, and had even met up with a couple and done whatever. I had no clue she was doing this - whenever she left the house for the night, she always said she was staying at her boyfriend’s. I told him in no uncertain terms that I had not encouraged Emily to cheat on him, and I was not cheating on Sam. He then tried to claim that Emily had told him that I was away getting with some Tinder guy on a specific evening that I wasn’t in the flat… I was celebrating Sam’s birthday with him in his city, and had the timed and dated photos to prove it, and of course Emily knew where I really was. I have no clue whether or not her boyfriend believes me, but I haven’t had any other messages from him since.
Emily was wailing my door about 10 minutes later, saying that her (ex) boyfriend had gone insane and she only cheated because he was abusive (I can’t say I saw anything, but I also can’t say this was a definite lie) and she was scared about his reaction so she said I was involved. She then said that I would understand her position if I had broken up with Sam like she wanted me to. I’ll admit, that got my attention. I asked what she meant, and she said that she had wanted us both to be ‘free’ from our partners but she knew I wouldn’t cheat on Sam so had tried her best to convince me that he was cheating so I would leave him. She got the door slammed in her face. Even if she did want an escape from her own ‘abusive’ relationship, her non-stop attempts to persuade me to leave my boyfriend just for her own gain is enough for me to just cut her off.
I didn’t even wait until Emily woke up this morning to put my plan to move out into action. The landlord has been contacted and is very understanding (we’re very close to the end of our tenancy anyway) so I’m breaking my lease, and I’m going to spend the night in a friend’s spare room before making my next move. I might write her a goodbye note, but she hardly deserves it. I’ve been wondering for a while whether or not I should move to be with Sam, I think this is now going to be a big part of my decision.
Also a lot of comments in the original post were suggesting that something had happened between Sam and Emily while he was still living in this area, and she was trying to make me see that without coming clean. I didn’t reply to any comments because I know the sorts of responses I would have got to ‘I know he’s not cheated on me with Emily’, but I do know he didn’t. He never contacted Emily privately, and was really only friendly to her because she was my housemate. Sam was just as unlikely to cheat with Emily as I was with any of his friends, family or housemates. I know some of you may still think that he could still have cheated/cheat in the future and I can’t definitively say he didn’t/won’t, but I’m not going to ruin my relationship with ‘what if’ style thoughts.
TL;DR - Housemate who was trying to prove to me that my boyfriend was cheating was actually cheating on her boyfriend and wanted me to ‘join in’ by convincing me to dump my boyfriend. Found out from her boyfriend, who had been told that I was the one telling her to cheat on him (I wasn’t). I’m moving out as quickly as my legs will let me. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j4i1f9/ops_roommate_seems_hellbent_on_proving_that_ops/ | j4i1f9 | 7,392 | 358 | [
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2020-10-04T16:53:59 | OP wants to stop baking cookies for ungrateful people | AITA | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/badncw/wibta_if_i_stopped_baking_cookies_for_the/) by u/girlfieri223*
 
I work for a quilt shop part time and once a month we have quilting retreats. Over time I’ve started to work more at the retreats and it’s come to the point where I cook for the retreats and the owners reimburse me for ingredients- with the exception of the batch of chocolate chip cookies that I usually make for free.
Not to brag, but I make some damn good chocolate chip cookies. The recipe is secret and it took me years to get the way I want it. The cookies have become a staple of the retreats and the owners have started telling people about the cookies to convince them to buy a retreat spot. I don’t get paid for baking these cookies and I don’t even get reimbursed for the ingredients to make them. I started doing it just because I liked baking them and giving them to people.
It was fun at first but now when I walk into the shop on retreat times I get bombarded with “oh did you bring cookies? Where are the cookies?” I can’t tell you the last time I got a “hi how are you” from any of the retreaters or the other staff that work solely on the retreats. Half of the people who come to the retreats don’t even know my name. They call me “cookie lady,” despite being reminded of my name several times.
This month I’ve got a friend in town and told the owners I couldn’t cook for this month’s retreat. When one of the other retreat staffers heard this they said “we will miss your cookies.” Not “we will miss you” or even a “have a good time with your friend.” I feel like at this point my entire worth to them is placed in the damn cookies and I don’t even want to bake them for them anymore. I love baking- but part of that love is experimenting with other stuff and the one time I brought brownies instead of my cookies I got bitched at. I feel forced into making them and it’s not fun anymore. I don’t even get paid to make them, but suddenly it’s expected of me and it gets me nothing but stress and hurt feelings.
So, WIBTA [would i be the asshole] if I stopped baking them and just told people to deal with it?
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j4t2dp/update_wibta_if_i_stopped_baking_cookies_for_the/)
It’s been more than a year since my original post - which I know is quite a long time. It seems a bit silly now that I was so consumed and frustrated by something so small as cookies but here we go.
As a number of the comments suggested, I ended up talking to the owner of the shop and telling her that I wasn’t going to bake cookies for the retreats anymore. I told her I felt belittled and disrespected by her behavior and that of the retreaters. Her response was basically “they expect the cookies. What do you expect me to tell them? They’re not going to want to come to retreats anymore. You should have never baked them at all- this whole issue is going to be bad for business.” I went home feeling completely invalidated. She completely gaslit me. I read and reread some of your commends multiple times and decided to stand my ground on this. She didn’t threaten to fire me or anything (not that she could have- she needed me) but she continued to guilt trip me and try to manipulate me into baking again. She even had some of the retreaters come to me offering me money to bake for the retreats. At this point it wasn’t about the pay- it was how people were treating me. I refused and started applying to other jobs because I was sick of the environment.
The thing is, I’m actually a licensed pharmacist. I was working for minimum wage at a quilt shop because I was burnt out in an over saturated and overworked field. I was depressed because i was a doctor of pharmacy- 8 years of college completed, and i didn’t feel mentally fit for working in that field because of my mental health. I worked for this quilt shop for a year. I learned some things, got a break, and regained some of the mental health I lost. This cookie debacle was the push I needed to regain my self worth and go back to the field that I wanted to be in. Within a month I found a job as a pharmacist at a federal prison. I loved it from my first day.
I’ve been there a year now and I love every day of it. My job has meaning, my coworkers are awesome, and every day is a new experience. It took a few months, but I got my baking mojo back. I’m known throughout the prison by my actual name and people come to visit the pharmacy for some cookies (or whatever baked good I decide upon) and they stay for conversation. I found a job I love and a group of people who appreciate my baking and don’t use me as a cookie slave. Thanks, Reddit. You guys are awesome. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j526rm/op_wants_to_stop_baking_cookies_for_ungrateful/ | j526rm | 4,760 | 341 | [
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2020-10-05T02:46:45 | One weird trick that lawyers hate to illegally evict your tenants! In which OP's landlord refuses to accept their rent payment through multiple forms so that they can evict OP for non-payment of rent. [Posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9mjgmo/my_landlord_called_the_cops_on_me_for_trying_to/) is by /u/AdultiestChild.*
There is a very long and convoluted back story, but in July, my apartment complex was bought out by one of those property flipping companies.
They left me without air conditioning for 17 days in heat over 100° When I complained she told me to call the city.
They shut down the website where we could make payments. This was NEVER an issue when I could pay online and I was never late in the year and a half before this company bought my complex.
They've made my life an absolute living hell and will not allow me to pay, racking up more and more late fees every month.
This month, I went in on the 4th to pay my rent. It was one day after the late fee policy, so I expected to pay a $50 late fee.
She told me she could not take my check. My lease says checks are accepted through the 10th.
I was already exhausted with her after the air conditioning fiasco and told her I had to pay my rent and I tried to leave the check with her. She told me she was calling the cops. I left.
I got a knock on my door and thought it would be the cops. It was her. She gave me my check back with a copy of my lease. It said in hand writing on the back that checks are accepted the first through third. On the front, in typing, where I signed, it said checks are accepted through the 10th.
I went back in there with the check and tried to show her where it says I could pay by check through the 10th. She would not listen to me. She would not even look at the lease I was pointing to.
The cop finally came, talked to me, talked to her, then told me she said she'd make a one time exception and take my check. I thought this months hell was finally over.
Today, 4 days later, I hear someone trying to unlock my door. I quickly got dressed and went to the door. It was her with her key, trying to come in.
I asked what she was doing and she handed me an eviction notice. She said she could not accept my check because I had an nsf before. I have, once, because they took so long to cash it and I forgot about it. That was my fault, but this is not. My lease also says no checks will be accepted after 2 nsfs. I have only had one.
My eviction notice says I have until the 11th to get out or they will change the locks.
I can't afford a lawyer and I need help.
They're in violation of my lease, and tried to enter my property without notice or permission. A cop was here and told her to take my check. What do I do?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9n4y4h/update_my_landlord_called_the_cops_on_me_for/)
Thank you all so much for all the wonderful advice!!! I definitely feel more educated and informed about my rights now.
I'm no longer being evicted and I got all of my late fees back as an account credit, except for $5, but at this point I don't even care to ask why.
I used the property records to hunt down their main office in Houston(I live in Dallas) and forwarded them the same email outlining all the ways they had violated my lease that I had sent to the TAA, the City, as well as the apparently pointless (thanks, guys) BBB.
The guy there got me set up with the online payment system that they actually DO have, contrary to what the office manager here told me. Next month I can just pay online!
He went through my account, got it paid, and refunded me $125 in late fees as a credit. I actually overpaid $5, still, but it's mostly a win without having to go to court.
I also now have the contact information for a pro bono place that specializes in housing, just in case I ever need it.
Thank you all so much for the overwhelming amount of responses and information <3 | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j5bsh9/one_weird_trick_that_lawyers_hate_to_illegally/ | j5bsh9 | 3,784 | 275 | [
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2020-10-05T14:49:49 | OP struggles with how to disclose to her fiance that she used to be a sex worker. (Spoiler: this one ends on a good note!) [Posted 7 months ago] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fdejfv/aita_for_not_telling_my_fiancee_i_used_to_work_as/) is by /u/formerescort9642.*
I (35F) just got engaged. I've been with him for two years and he's amazing and think he'd be a great father to my children. There is however a secret I haven't revealed. About three years ago before I met him I briefly worked as an escort. It wasn't long (about 4 months) and I don't have some sob story about how I felt abused and exploited because frankly I didn't. Like any job it had its good and bad parts. I don't have some dramatic story about escaping it, I stopped simply because I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't require therapy or rehab, I just moved on and got a normal job.
I have been regularly tested and have no STIs, nor so I have any emotional scars from it, so I told myself it's now no one else's business because it won't impact any other relationships. However it feels wrong I can't share this. He once asked how many sexual partners I had and I simply said "a lot" and told him technically the truth: that I was prolific at one point in my life but no longer am and don't intend to do so. I'm still scared to potentially ruin a great thing if I reveal it but I'm also not looking forward to keeping this a secret for life.
AITA for keeping it secret?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fliqbb/update_aita_for_not_telling_my_fiancee_i_used_to/)
So I thought of what everyone said and considered both sides. I decided that I didn't want this hanging over my head in our marriage. So it was tough, but shortly afterwards one night I had a few glasses of wine and told him I had something I needed to talk about. I had considered seducing him, having sex and then telling him so I could at least do it one last time but decided that would be manipulative and dishonest.
So I sat down and told him: When I said I had "a lot" of sexual partners it was over a stint of about 4 months as an escort.
He was taken back a bit and said "That's not something I'd expect." I figured no one would, I dress modestly, I'm pretty conservative with drinking and I volunteer with the kids programs at my church.
I had tears in my eyes and asked him if his opinion of me had changed. He said "Well what you did didn't stop you from being the woman I fell in love with so why should it?" I started crying more...tears of joy.
I begged him to let me know if he had any apprehensions or questions or if it'd come between us in any way. He said he might have questions about any cool or sexy stories sometime but for now no. He even made a quip about "No wonder you blow my mind in having sex, you were a professional!" Not really the type of joke I'd normally appreciate but in that time it was perfect. And we ended up going to the bedroom not too much later.
So now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I know just how much my fiancee loves me and what he's willing to tolerate in me. It's wonderful! We're both in lockdown basically now, both working from home and I'm so thankful to be able to be with a wonderful and amazing man who I love so much and who loves me so much.
Thanks to everyone! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j5kqo9/op_struggles_with_how_to_disclose_to_her_fiance/ | j5kqo9 | 3,231 | 349 | [
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2020-10-06T13:26:37 | Cray entitled sister randomly wants wedding venue that OOP booked 3 years in advance. | null | UrGoing2get_hop_ons | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j650a0/cray_entitled_sister_randomly_wants_wedding_venue/ | j650a0 | 0 | 257 | [
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2020-10-06T19:06:45 | OP's identical twin sisters both need a kidney; OP (obviously) can only donate one, and her family is having a major meltdown that she didn't pick the family's golden child. [Posted 5 months ago] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g9o9fo/aita_for_saving_one_sisters_life_and_not_the_other/) is by /u/throwaway99885758.*
Original title: AITA For saving one sister's life and not the other?
Unlike most insane titles on this sub, this one isn't hyperbolic, unfortunately.
I (22F) have little identical twin half-sisters (16), who both have serious kidney issues. They have both sadly reached a point where without a kidney transplant, their quality of life will continue to decline and they might not see the other side of 20. Obviously, myself and my mom are devastated with this news, it wasn't expected that they would be in this position so young.
For some back ground, one of my sisters Sarah is very much the Tom boy like me, we are really close and enjoy a lot of the same things. We are like two peas in a pod. That's not to say I don't love my other sister Jade, but we simply aren't as close. She's a little more girly, doesn't have many shared interest as me and Sarah do and so we just don't hang out as often.
I also don't see jade as much in general. Sarah doesn't like her dad's wife, and so she spends less time with them, while Jade adores her so has always spent more time at her dad's place (both my mom, their dad and both of the girls were totally happy with this set up). Jade also begged to go to a particular boarding school, so I don't see her nearly as much as Sarah, nor have I for a very long time. Maybe one weekend a month for the last couple years and some more over summer/holidays. I still love her dearly, but I hope it's understandable now that I'm just much, much closer with Sarah. We were equally close until Jade started doing her own thing and making choices for herself, and I don't in any way begrudge that. I wouldn't say be and Jade dont get along, but there have definitely been some big spats over the years.
We all got tested to see if it would be possible to do live donations and I'm the only match. Unfortunately, I obviously only have two kidneys. I can only save one of my sisters. There's every chance they might get a kidney from somewhere else but right now they aren't a priority and aren't high on the transplant list.
I basically told my mom, who told their dad, that I want to donate my kidney to Sarah. I thought about it so, so much. I know this means I am undeniably saying 'I love Sarah moelre than Jade', and I guess I do. Unsurprisingly, all hell broke loose about how could I do this to jade, how could I be so cruel, why would I do this, how can I just play with their lives. I've been getting calls and texts from everyone who knows about this. AFAIK, neither Sarah of Jade have been told.
I get it. I'm playing god here. But it's my kidney. Yeah, I feel like scum for choosing one sister over the other, but one is my best friend and the other is, well, not. I feel like a monster for saying it, and I know on a fundamental level it's wrong. Part of me wanted to flip a coin or something, but I couldn't. My whole family seem to be demonising me for making this choice.
Sorry if it's confusing, the character count cut me off
Edit for some repeated questions:
Currently, their doctors can't tell who will deteriorate faster. They are currently at similar stages and their most recent results have given no insight into whether or not Sarah or Jane will be worse off. Only time will tell, but their current treatments are harsh on their other organs, so there is an element of urgency that makes us reluctant to just wait to see who gets sicker faster.
If it came down to jade needing a kidney next week and Sarah not needing one until next year, I would obviously donate to Jade and hold out hope Sarah will get another donor.
I have suggested setting up a donor chain to my mom, but this has all happened recently so it's still up in the air.
I have only been confirmed as a match, and I haven't passed through all of the other checkpoints and testing, there's a very real chance I can't donate at all in the end, which is why I only told my mom and not my sisters about how I felt.
To be explicitly clear, as this question comes up a lot. I don't think either deserves to die. Their parents are undeniably advocating for me to choose Jade who has, and I quote 'such a bright future', but they just haven't said it explicitly. I'm not choosing Sarah because she deserves it, I'm choosing Sarah because I want to save her life. Jade has always been, shall we say, unkind, to a lot of people and her dad has always acted like that her right. If I could save both, I would. If I can only save one, and the doctors have no explicit results to say one needs it urgently, I would choose to save the one I love, not just the one I share blood with.
I personally think I'm an asshole. I think that if you look past the 'kudos for trying to donate a kidney', I think I'm doing something wrong, it just isn't enough to make me change how I feel, and I was hoping to get an impartial insight here as I obviously can't get one from my family.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hzc8i5/update_aita_for_saving_one_sisters_life_and_not/)
To cut a long story short - they both got kidneys, they each got one from the same donor (our family got to meet the family of the donor and it was really emotional and amazing) and they're both recovering well.
However, before that, a lot of stuff went down that I wanted to update you on. There is now understandably massive divides in the family because of how my mom and the girl's dad outright demanded I give my kidney to Jade, because she was the golden child with a bright future, while Sarah was just, effectively, metiocre.
I feel less bad now saying this because she's on the road to recovery, but Jade is/was a flaming asshole who made Sarah's life hell. I presumed Sarah chose to spend most of her time with mom because we were so close, but it was mostly because of how Jade treated her like dirt, and their dad and step mom thought it was basically jade's right as the superior being or some bullshit.
I ended up not being allowed to donate, but before this, as many suggested, I spoke to my sisters about my decision. Sarah broke down in tears, because it was the first time she ever felt somebody put her first. She told me stories of the things that Jade did with their dad's approval and I was livid. She said if she was my choice, she wouldn't feel guilty knowing it might mean Jade won't get a kidney. I made it clear that I chose her because she is good, and amazing, and I loved her, not because Jade was a horrible person.
I then spoke to Jade, and calmly explained that I had to pick and well, as she knew, we weren't very close and Sarah was a kindred spirit that I was always with. I wasn't surprised that she was mad, I mean, how else would you react? But I didn't expect her to spew such hate, that I'm wasting my kidney. And I'm probably an asshole for it, but I didn't care of she was sick: I effectively said if she hadn't been such a nasty bitch her whole life maybe she wouldn't be dealing with this, and it's a shame that she might have only learned on what may be her death bed that she won't always be everyone's favourite and she can't treat her own sister like dirt. I've never simultaneously felt so happy and so guilty for getting something off my chest. (Due to character count I can't explain the shit she did, but it's horrific).
In any case, about 2 weeks after that, jade asked me to come visit her and said she'd thought about what I said. I apologised and explained that I knew about everything she had done, as well as the fact Sarah had already resigned herself to death because she knew the whole family would put Jade first. After many tears, things seem to be okay now, she's slowly mending bridges with Sarah.
Sarah will be moving in with me soon, so she can finally have a home where she comes first. Jade said she'd like to visit sometime too. So yeah, all wrapped up!
**Edit:** So apparently I can exceed the count after the post is up.
First, I'm definitely skeptical of Jade's sudden change of heart. I totally respect situations like these can have profound effects on people, but I can't fathom being that horrific to anybody and suddenly be a whole different person when you get caught. I will support her in good faith, but will do my best to keep my eyes wide open for anything suspicious that makes me think she isn't being sincere.
Obviously a lot of people are asking about the things Jade did, and I can't share all of them before of the rules. But when they were still in the same school, things were particularly bad, but the pattern continued when they were at home together. I don't want to talk about everything in detail, but it would be things like taking Sarah's food and calling her fat (Sarah is absolutely not fat). As in, she'd grab Sarah's dinner and thrown it in the bin, then proceed to eat her own food. She'd sometimes do this in school as well, so other people started calling her fat
They shared a bedroom, and Jade used to try deprive Sarah of sleep. Jade would wear ear plugs and set alarms randomly. Anytime Jade woke up she'd just go over and shake Sarah awake then go back to sleep herself.
She'd wait until just before school to go to Sarah's bag and rip up her homework or assignments. Sarah said she mostly stopped doing homework the night before and just did it in between periods where Jade couldn't do it anymore.
Some other things would include hiding the tampons and pads at their dad's house. They weren't supposed to go into the master bedroom, and Sarah would be screamed at for "stealing" their stepmoms tampons.
**Edit 2:** I felt I need to make this edit to make it clear that kidney failure in general is not a massive death sentence. As I have learned a lot since my original post, there are amazing treatments that can let people suffering from kidney problems have decent quality of life, and I don't want to misconstrue the reality of having kidney problems before I terrify anybody reading this story! My 'on your deathbed' remark was, to call it what it is, very over the top and a result of strong emotions and I did apologise for being so needlessly dramatic to Jade. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j6basy/ops_identical_twin_sisters_both_need_a_kidney_op/ | j6basy | 10,291 | 223 | [
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2020-10-07T14:19:55 | OP is tasked with assisting their niece with eLearning, and is documented with the school as an approved caregiver, but the teacher refuses to engage with OP and refers to them as a "random stranger," going so far as to scold OP for interacting with their niece. | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ixg9yl/aita_for_getting_my_nieces_teacher_in_trouble/) is by /u/RinaFrost.*
I don’t think I’m the AH but figured I would ask.
Both my sister and BIL work during the week with my BIL being off Tuesday and Thursday. My sister is only off on weekends so they needed someone to watch their kid during the days on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. My class schedule allows for me to watch my niece those days as my classes are online so I can watch her during the school day.
So at the beginning of this school year my sister emailed the teacher of my niece (7) that I would be the one assisting and watching the kid as I stated above and gave permission that she could pass along information on what assignments are due or how to do it but that if she had a problem she could email my sister or talk to my BIL on the days he is off. The teacher responded and we didn’t have any trouble until recently.
My niece does her classwork in my sister’s office as it has less distractions for her. I sit in the corner of the room at my sister’s desk out of view of the camera where I can keep an eye on my niece at her desk while doing my own work.
My niece has a learning disability so she needs to be monitored constantly. Well yesterday my niece got distracted as usual and the few times I told her to pay attention didn’t work so I got up from my seat and went over to her and gently touched her shoulder and told her to focus. I was on the camera for maybe 10 seconds at most.
Well after class the teacher called for my niece’s parent and I walked over to respond. She asked where they were and I informed her that both sister and BIL were at work and that I could take a message. She refused and said she would email my sister but that she wanted to talk to me. The teacher told me that I had bothered my niece and should have stayed out of the camera view. I apologized and said I didn’t mean to stir any trouble that I was just trying to get my niece back on track.
I asked a few questions about the assignments that were due that day and she refused to tell me. She stated that I was a “Stranger” and she didn’t have permission to tell that information. I informed her she did have permission as my sister had sent that email stating so. She said my niece could have her parents help her with the homework. Mind you that this homework was due by a certain time and neither of them got home until way after it was due. I tried telling her this but she wouldn’t listen and ended the meeting.
My sister got an email from the teacher scolding her for letting a stranger help my niece with class and that as my niece’s parents they should be the ones watching her and assisting with class. She furthermore went on to say I was distracting my niece and that I appeared on camera view on purpose to disrupt her class.
My sister flipped and emailed the principal and the teacher got reprimanded. And this morning at class the teacher mentioned in passing that I had gotten her in trouble and it was rude of me to not talk to her about this stuff.
So Reddit AITA for getting my niece’s teacher in trouble?
Edit: The principal has been informed of the snide comments the teacher made during my Niece’s class on Monday. My BIL scheduled a meeting with the principal for Thursday via Zoom and I have been asked to join since this issue includes me.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j6durp/update_aita_for_getting_my_nieces_teacher_in/)
So a couple people asked for an update on “AITA for getting my Niece’s teacher in trouble” and I figured I could give a quick update.
At first the principal refused to hold a conference that my sister requested but he changed his tune quickly when My sister in all her glory had sent the email to the principal saying he better listen to both sides of the story or she would unleash all seven levels of hell upon the school in the form of lawsuits which my sister said she had the right to do.
My BIL, Sister, me, the principal and the teacher to discuss what transpired. The principal had the teacher explain her side first. She told the principal how I had interrupted her class on purpose and distracted my niece from her classwork. I then told my side and mentioned the snide comment that she had made to me the very next time I was with my niece. At first the principal said that there was no concrete proof of what had happened and it was basically my word against hers. The teacher looked so smug at this but that fell quickly when we mentioned the class had been recorded. One of my niece’s accommodations while doing online classes is the lessons are recorded so she can rematch them to better understand the lesson and the two days worth of videos caught the teacher Red handed in her lies and shows what happened.
Well in the end with the proof from the class recording it was enough to get the teacher beyond just in trouble. She was fired. Apparently other parents had complained about this teacher but they didn't have the proof to prove it until my niece’s accommodation caught it. As of now they have a substitute teacher filling in until they can find a new teacher which according to the principle should be ready to teach in two weeks time.
That is all that happened. The teacher went in thinking she wouldn't get in trouble but we managed to get her fired and get justice for all the other people who had complained about her. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j6ropz/op_is_tasked_with_assisting_their_niece_with/ | j6ropz | 5,500 | 334 | [
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2020-10-07T19:37:38 | This customer is about to go postal! | LegalAdvice | Masters_domme | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j6xqtv/this_customer_is_about_to_go_postal/ | j6xqtv | 0 | 31 | [
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2020-10-08T01:24:01 | OP's abusive father has always told her that she'll be a minor till 22 because she has to "work off the time debt" incurred in his custody when her mother fled with her as a child. OP now smells a rat. [Posted 2 years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9g6uwn/does_a_child_who_didnt_see_one_parent_because_the/) is by /u/homelandish.*
Posting anonymously because I think I know the answer but feel like an idiot asking anyway. I hope I describe this clearly.
My parents split when I was very young and had shared custody about 50/50 at the time. My mother ran off with me to Canada not long after but cancer took her when I was 15. I was taken back to my father and was always told because I was away from him for eight years but he had 50/50 custody then I had to repay that time debt for four years after I turned eighteen. I took it as just how things are.
There was a letter from dad's lawyer that I haven't been able to find that I had when I came back to him pointing out I would be a minor until after I turned 22 and a few months. I'm not allowed to leave home much except to work, dad gets all of my money to support me, I'm not allowed to see guys, I'm not allowed a car, and it seems really unfair to me, and nobody else my age is in this situation. Does any of this seem legally real? The more people I talk to the more it seems my dad has me under a big con but I'd like to know for sure. I know it might be trying to prove a negative but is there a link to a law I could use to show for sure either way?
**Edit. thank you, I'm convinced. genericusername4197's link and terms especially.**
---
[**UPDATE ONE MONTH LATER**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9rxsi2/update_does_a_child_who_didnt_see_one_parent/)
I'm safe, and I'm out.
I organised a place to stay with a coworker. I have new bank accounts and all my paperwork. My dad has some regular sport meetings on Saturdays that go for hours so I prepared everything the week before, found where my paperwork was and walked out. I've been approved for a rental and I move there soon.
I contacted two police stations near us beforehand who both understood dad's nature straight away when I told them he'd been telling me I couldn't move out because of a time debt and they told me it wasn't a thing.
I took copies of all of his paperwork too because while I was getting ready to move I found most of what I knew about my parents separating was a lie. There was never a 50/50 custody agreement and my mother never ran off with me in violation to that. My dad had been held for several domestic violence incidents when I was a child and he was only to see me on special holidays and only under strict supervision. He's never been violent to me, but in the papers he had hidden was evidence of a trust available to me when I'm 21. Some of the specific wording is it can go to me as an individual or to my carer if that is required. I think my dad was trying to make himself up as my carer without me knowing. I did not find the letter I read when I was a kid from dad's lawyer but like you all said that was probably fake.
After I moved out my dad did try to contact the police. They came to my coworker's address because they had to, but also let me know that yes my dad was trying to say I couldn't look after myself. His words were that I was "borderline retarded and being abused".
I've been back to Canada to visit my aunts and uncle, and found the aunt who was named to manage my trust died very soon after my mother. We're still working out the details with a Canadian lawyer about some confusion over who handles what and how now but I have the full support of my remaining aunt and uncle who are the same great people I remember. They were really worried about me when I went to live with dad and had tried to contact me so many times.
Thanks for all your help, your comments gave me the confidence to act. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j73rjz/ops_abusive_father_has_always_told_her_that_shell/ | j73rjz | 3,735 | 398 | [
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2020-10-08T15:53:25 | OP is under self-quarantine as a possible Covid case out of an abundance of caution, and is having to literally run away from their neighbor, who is desperately trying to intentionally catch Covid. [Posted 4 months ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/go1870/neighbour_is_purposely_trying_to_catch_covid_from/) is by /u/gardenguard.*
I was exposed to covid 19 a few days ago and have been self isolating since then. The health unit said I could still go in my yard to garden. A neighbour saw me outside and started talking from a distance, asking to borrow one of my gardening tools and I told her that it wasn't a good idea because I was exposed to covid and she started walking towards me saying she wants to catch it and get it over with so she'll be immune. I dropped everything and ran inside because I don't want to infect her, and watched from the window as she licked my tools. I'm not kidding. I sanitized them when I went to go get them.
She's started running out toward me every time I try to go water my garden. It's happened 4 times now and I don't know if I'll be held responsible if she catches it. I also know she has a toddler and I think her parents come visit still sometimes.
If it matters at all I don't actually know if I have it, they won't test me unless I have symptoms but I don't have symptoms, but my roommate had it and I have to self isolate 2 weeks from his last day of having it.
Is there anything I can do about this? The only thing I can think of is have her trespassed but she obviously won't listen to it.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/grw53b/update_to_neighbour_purposely_trying_to_catch/)
So I hadn't heard anything from the neighbour until this morning when her husband stuck something in my mailbox so I talked to him through the window.
He told me that he was contacted about her behavior while he was quarantined somewhere else because he was exposed to the virus and he got the health unit to make an exception to the no symptoms no test rule in the interest of the health of his wife and kid. The test came back negative 2 days later so he went home to help her. She did have a mental breakdown, he didn't go into detail about it but apparently she hadn't been handling the pandemic well and him being quarantined somewhere else made it worse.
He asked me to delete the video because she saw me take it and I did. I told him I understand that this has been very hard on people and I had no hard feelings. He said hes going to look into counselling for her and it turns out they go to the same clinic as me so I recommended the counsellor I use. Counselling is basically the same as therapy here.
He had stuck an apology letter from her in the mailbox with a garden center gift card.
I'm deleting this account so they're won't be any replies from me this time in BOLA.
Stay safe everyone! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j7fkg0/op_is_under_selfquarantine_as_a_possible_covid/ | j7fkg0 | 2,709 | 286 | [
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2020-10-09T02:39:14 | OP buys a condo, and shows up to find the previous owner's nephew freshly moved in, flaunting a 36-month lease for $1, signed the day before OP closed on the property. Police say it's a civil matter; OP is stressed to the max. [Posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/anu6b3/purchased_a_condo_seller_rented_it_to_his_nephew/) is by /u/fuckedbyseller.*
Mostly what's in the title. Condo was vacant for roughly 60 days between closing and our attempt to move in. Upon getting there with our belongings, we discovered a new deadbolt on the door - the unit was vacant and had no deadbolt when we did our final walkthrough the day before closing. Tried knocking on the door. got no answer, reached out to our realtor, who contacted the seller's agent and asked that he get in touch with his client to find out what the hell is going on, but at this point we assumed squatters. About an hour later, a young man showed up and produced a 36 month lease which had been paid in advance. All $1 of it. He told us it's between us and his uncle, and headed into the apartment.
Our realtor is flabbergasted; he's encountered squatters and tenants who had to be evicted after refusing to leave at the end of the lease, but never anything like this. The police won't touch this either, which makes perfect sense given the context - dude has a lease that predates our contract (albeit by one day) so as far as they're concerned it's a civil matter. The condo association is incredibly hands-off about owners leasing their properties (which is part of why this place was appealing, as I plan to rent it out myself when we are ready to buy a house), so they want nothing to do with the situation.
To me it seems like the lease should be completely void given that it was executed in ridiculously bad faith, but I am nowhere near a lawyer. To that end, the attorney who handled the transaction for us is out of town till next week - my understanding is that he's camping or hiking or hunting or something along those lines and is basically incommunicado for the time being, but I am waiting to hear back from his admin to get details (he's a one man firm so there are no associates that can help me in the interim).
I have no idea what to do here. Luckily the truck we were using to move is owned by a friend's business, and they have graciously offered to let us store our belongings in it while we get this sorted. Unluckily, my wife and I turned in the keys to our old apartment this morning, and as such we have nowhere to go.
I'd be willing to do a cash for keys thing to get this guy out of our apartment but he won't speak to us. Beyond that, do I have grounds to evict him? If so, how do I recoup the expenses associated with this whole clusterfuck, sue the seller? Does the tenant have any sort of liability here? If I do pull of a successful cash for keys arrangement, can I sue the seller for that as well? What about the friend who is letting us keep all of our stuff in one of his trucks, does he have any grounds to sue or does the fact he is voluntarily letting us use the truck take that out of the equation? Is there anything else that I am not thinking of?
I am shaking with anger right now so I apologize for this being a bit of a a rambling novel, and thanks in advance for any advice you can offer.
**Edit:** Location is New York, specifically Putnam County.
**Update (4:45PM):** I just got a call from my attorney's admin. He's apparently close enough to civilization to have an internet connection in his cabin and should be checking in with her shortly, at which point she'll have him reach out to me. Apparently he was a civil litigator before he "retired" to real estate law, and she thinks he'll welcome an excuse to step into his old shoes and tear these people apart. Needless to say I am looking forward to hearing from him.
**Update 2 (5:25PM):** Just heard from both my realtor and my attorney. The evening seems to have found a way to get even more interesting, but the truck owning friend is about five minutes out with my car. We're going to meet my realtor for dinner, my closing documents and some badly needed drinks (said the guy who doesn't really drink). I'll update tomorrow morning if not tonight, but till then... THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for the advice and reassurance. Wish me luck!
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/aold3t/update_purchased_a_condo_seller_rented_it_to_his/)
I am gonna make up some names this time around because referring to people as "the female seller" or "the tenant" is cumbersome as hell.
After the mess on Wednesday, I met my realtor for dinner and to grab my closing docs. The seller's agent actually wound up stopping by as well (he arranged this with my guy) . He apologized profusely, told us he knows the family and he's confident we'll be able to get things sorted quickly. I didn't get my hopes up but he picked up our tab and bought a round of drinks while he was there, so hey, when life gives you lemons, make a superhuman amount of whiskey? I don't think that's accurate but it was my approach and I stand by it.
Anyway, I wound up speaking with the seller, Anne, yesterday morning, and got the rundown on the situation. It turns out the unwelcome tenant (Bill) is actually her nephew, not her ex's (Charlie). She was absolutely livid with Bill, and promised me the apartment would be vacant ASAP even if she had to physically drag him out herself and pay for movers to take all of his stuff. She also gave me assurances that she'd cover whatever this ordeal has cost. From there, she said she was going to check in with her sister (Diane) who was dealing with Bill as we spoke, and get back to me as soon as she knows something, but again promised that the absolute worst case scenario would be Bill starting to move out by early afternoon.
Maybe half an hour later she calls back and tells me that Diane had rented a truck and Bill was in the process of packing his stuff up. Turns out Bill had recently experienced something pretty fucking awful, and as a result had sort of become preoccupied with seeking approval from adult males. Charlie was at the top of this list; apparently his midlife crisis consisted of buying a Harley and trying to carry himself like a badass, and Bill bought the act hook, like and sinker. And a lot of you guys assumed correctly - Bill cooked up the scheme to basically extort me for a cash for keys deal. From what I was told, Charlie figured a doctor from NYC would just pay out right away to be done with it. For what it's worth, I am not an MD, nor am I from NYC... but you do you, Chuck. Anyway, at this point, Anne threw me a curveball. She and Diane were both at peace with the fact that I was going to pursue this with the police, but asked if I could meet Bill so he could look me in the eye to apologize because she wanted him get an understanding of the fact that his actions hurt a real, live human being. I agreed to it - I was hoping to see if I could get in to check the condition of the place anyway.
So yesterday evening I went up to the apartment and met "my tenant" as he was loading up the truck with his stuff. We wound up speaking for a while and... well, I am gonna disappoint some of you here. He seems like a genuinely good kid who got taken advantage of by a legitimate piece of garbage... there were a lot of tears, and innumerable apologies, and I 100% believe that these were based on genuine remorse for what he did, not regret about getting caught. I'll just say it here because I don't think I was being as slick as I'd hoped in dancing around it anyway, but the kid recently lost his father, and I don't see any reason to fuck up his life with a criminal record over a (ridiculously, incredibly) stupid mistake that he was to a great extent manipulated into making anyway. For whatever it's worth, if getting involved in a stupid scam like this was the worst thing that I did at nineteen... yeah let's just say that I was a remarkably stupid and reckless kid. I lucked out and never wound up getting caught in a situation that could have had significant legal consequences, but if I had and I hadn't been given a second chance, I'd be living a very different life right now.
As far as the money goes, Anne and I are going to figure out what's what, and I don't want to explain how because it involves details about her personal life, but the money will technically be coming out of Charlie's pocket anyway. She started by hiring some movers to unload my truck, which is taking place as I type this. Bill left the apartment in shockingly good condition, but I am basing that on what sort of damage nineteen year old me would have passively done to an apartment, so this may be a touch skewed haha. Either way, no damage has been done aside from some very minor cosmetic stuff (a couple of light scuffs from moving furniture and things like that), all of which would become immaterial when I redo the apartment in anticipation of renting it out, so I am not going to concern myself with any of that stuff.
As far as Charlie goes... well, I mentioned in a few comments that My Attorney (who is too majestically vicious for fake names so he just becomes capital-M-My capital-A-Attorney) is a super intense older guy and later found out is a "retired" civil litigator who can't sit still long enough to actually retire. Yeah he's out for fucking blood. Turns out Charlie does have himself some assets, and My Attorney is pretty confident that they will become my assets soon enough. I had a brief chat with one of the officers who came by on Wednesday (he's a friend of Diane's, apparently - this everyone knows everyone thing is still very foreign to me), and will be going by the station to issue a statement/file a report/whatever it is you do in this situation. Some of you expressed concerns that he may have fled the country, but the concept of Charlie leaving the county, let alone United States, is very funny to Anne, Diane and Officer Friend-of-Diane. Seems like Charlie is just a dumbshit who thought he could pull a fast one, and will be easy enough to find at one of the local watering holes when it's time for him to be picked up. I absolutely do not believe in throwing around assumptive diagnoses for fun, but I've made an exception in this case and decided that Charlie has full bore antisocial personality disorder because it makes me feel better about things for some reason.
Anyway I have been typing this piecemeal throughout the afternoon which has essentially been a test of my wife's patience. I'm not dumb enough to incur the wrath of a tiny Puerto Rican woman who has spent the last couple of days stressed out of her mind, so I'm gonna call this a post. Thanks again to everyone on this sub for all of the advice given and sympathies expressed, I'm lucky as hell to have had this end the way it did.
PS: If a mod could let me know how to report some accounts that PMed me to advertise their law firms, that would be wonderful. Pro-tip to lawyers: advertising via Reddit PM does not inspire confidence in your legal acumen. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j7r2fn/op_buys_a_condo_and_shows_up_to_find_the_previous/ | j7r2fn | 10,943 | 430 | [
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2020-10-09T15:30:59 | A legendary post in r/legaladvice lore, complete with an MS paint diagram: OP's neighbor sold off the edges of their own land, effectively "landlocking" themselves in. They're now demanding an easement on OP's driveway. [Posted 5 years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/2o3g9g/neighbors_stupidly_caused_themselves_to_be/) is by /u/mattolol.*
[Here](http://i.imgur.com/cTGdIPu.png) is a picture of the land area.
State: MN.
The vertical gray strip on the left side of the image is the public main road.
I own the land in pink. Our private road we use to access it is entirely on our land (surrounded by pink, denoted by "our road"). It has a locked gate and the sides of our land that are against roads are fenced. We have remotes for it or can open/close it from our house.
The neighbor used to own the land in blue AND purple, but sold the purple land to someone else a couple of weeks ago. They accessed their property by a gravel road on the purple land before, but the person who owns it now is planning on getting rid of that gravel road. Apparently when they sold the land they were assuming they could start using our private driveway instead. They didn't actually check with us first. They've effectively landlocked themselves, ultimately.
The neighbors want to use our road (denoted in gray) and make a gravel road from our road onto their property in blue that they still own.
We have had some heated discussions about it and things went downhill fast. They say that by not giving them access to our private road we are infringing the rights of their property ownership. Now they are threatening to sue us.
If they sue, is it likely that a judge would require us to let them use our road? Do we need to lawyer up?
THanks
---
[**FIRST UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/2ooy1x/update_my_neighbors_caused_themselves_to_be/)
To make a long story short, my neighbors sold part of their land in a way that left them landlocked, because they assumed I would let them access their property via my property via my road, which is gated and locked at all times.
I got a lawyer and met with him. We hashed out a plan and I was feeling pretty good about everything.
Yesterday (Sunday) around noon the purple land owners finished fencing in their property.
My neighbors came home at about 3 PM and rang at the gate several times. I was advised by you guys as well as my lawyer to not let them in my gate even once, as that would set a precedent of them being allowed to use it. So, I ignored the ringing.
Eventually the husband got out of the car and walked around to the other side of my property, which is not yet fenced in. He used that to get to my house and knocked on the door. I answered and told him I will not allow him to use my gate, and to leave my property. He told me he wouldn't leave until I opened the gate so his wife could drive the car through. I said I would not do so and threatened to call the police. He walked left and went back to the car.
Then they started ringing the gate again. I looked out the window and they had a police officer with them. I went to the gate and informed the police officer that this is my property and I will not allow them to drive on it. I said that they have no legal right to access my property.
Then I walked back to the house. After a couple of minutes the police officer walked around to get onto my land and to the house and knocked at the door. He said that because their land is landlocked, I need to allow them to use my road until another solution can be figured out, and I can't just deny them access to their property.
I called my lawyer, who spoke with the police officer on the phone. The police officer acknowledged that he cannot force me to let them drive on my property, but that he strongly encourages me to work this out with my neighbors in a civil manner.
He left. The neighbors left their car in front of my gate, walked around to the unfenced part of my land, walked across my yard and onto their own property. I called my lawyer. We reported them for trespassing today. They left their car there until about 10 AM this morning.
Tonight I was visited by the sheriff. He told me very short and sweet that I cannot deny my neighbors access to their property via an established road. He said, "I better not get another call. From this point forward you will allow them to get to and from their property and will not lock them out or in." Then he walked away. Called the lawyer.
I am meeting with the lawyer in the morning. I am planning to ask her the following questions:
1. Is there a point where I should give into a police officer's request that I let them use my road?
2. If they block my gate again, can I have their car towed? The way they parked it, I would not have been able to leave my property via the gate. They were parked ON my land at the time, not on the public road.
If anyone has any thoughts on these, I am all ears. Thank you.
---
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4dci57/update_my_neighbors_caused_themselves_to_be/)
I posted here for advice a while back and received some excellent, some funny and some conflicting advice from all of you. The overwhelming advice was to get a lawyer, which I did. I explained the situation and that I had posted here, as well as the many topics you all prompted me to read up on (which was very helpful). While my lawyer seemed pleased with your advice to me, he also urged me to immediately stop publicly posting about the situation, which I did (and which I see from my many messages has disappointed all of you!)
First thing's first: everything worked out in my favor.
My wife was upset by the entire situation and especially concerned with our children, and she got involved as well. She spoke with some friends who were able to get her in touch with the local city council. They could not explicitly do anything direct to help us but did get us in touch with some of the right people to discuss our situation.
One of the most important results from those connections was learning that the "sheriff" who we spoke to was actually a deputy who was acting on the sheriff's behalf. We were able to meet with the actual sheriff. He did agree that we should be more open to compromise but was much more willing to admit that we had no immediate legal reason to do so, and no interest in forcing us to.
My lawyer made a key point of the fact (I use the term loosely) that if the neighbors require an easement to access their land, they should so so with the land they sold, and not with unrelated land. After a lot of back and forth (but no court proceedings, luckily) with the other party, their attention was refocused on the buyer of their land. Funny enough, it's a small world and I ended up meeting the buyer who was in my lawyer's office for a consultation with one of his partner's. He ended up needing to get a different lawyer (since I already had a lawyer from the firm, as I understand it) but we did keep in contact to some extent.
Now, some speculation: we believe that the reason the neighbors didn't bother us for a while was their finances; their lawyer was happy to keep pushing as long as he was getting paid, but when money ran dry he lost interest.
Due (we believe) to those financial problems as well as their inability to find a quick solution, the neighbors ultimately moved into town and lived with family there for several months. The neighbor on the other side gave them one-time access with a moving truck. Their lawyer had been showing up with them but was gone at that time, which is another reason I suspect major money issues.
In the fall the situation picked up again, with contact from a new lawyer this time. This new lawyer requested a meeting with us (and our lawyer, of course). He requested that we consider buying their property to resolve the issue. We initially said no, they offered it to the owner on the other side, they said no, they sweetened the pot. Eventually the price was right and my wife and I had developed an interest in more land. We discussed terms, then decided against it, they went a little cheaper again, we purchased their land.
I nearly posted an update once the purchase was complete but there was an additional interesting detail that came out of the woodwork, and brought new legal questions. The neighbors had used their land and home as collateral for an informal loan and the person who lent to them wanted the property when they failed to repay him. He came after us. The outcome of this was that they are the ones who failed their end of the contract, so his problem was with the neighbors, NOT with us. This is definitely a sideline from the original situation but caused a delay in my ability to update.
As of today, my wife and I are out a substantial amount of money due to legal fees, which it turned out was not worth going after from the neighbors. There is also bad news in that the home on that property was essentially worth even less than we thought, and there were major issues beyond the land itself (septic tank failure, leaking oil tank). Those expenses were slightly mitigated by insurance but we are out a good some.
We also had a hard time combining the plots, which was legally desirable to build anything that straddled the two property lines. However the plots are now combined into one large plot.
The good is that the neighbors are no longer an issue for us, and by this summer their property should be in good shape to use for a new project of our own. On one hand, I will say this: the little chunk of land was definitely not worth the time and stress involved in this process, nor the money. However, the outcome was positive for our family (for which there is no dollar value) and it's all over with now.
My sincere thanks to everyone who offered advice. There are far too many of you to thank individually, but please know that I appreciated everyone's contributions and I hope you're all still around to read my much delayed resolution. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j81330/a_legendary_post_in_rlegaladvice_lore_complete/ | j81330 | 9,868 | 301 | [
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2020-10-10T02:34:10 | OP's abusive parents have arbitrarily decided that OP, now an adult, owes them an indeterminate but vast sum of money in exchange for food and shelter in their childhood. They've stolen OP's car to satisfy "the debt." [Posted 2 years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/77vzo6/ca_parents_took_and_sold_my_car_and_wont_tell_me/) is by /u/ParentalCarTheft.*
First some background. I no longer get along with either of my parents. I won’t go more into it than it’s not reconcilable because of serious abuse. I bought a car when I was sixteen and still living with them, and they believe that makes it theirs. Title and everything was originally in my mother’s name but was transferred into my name for three years now. It is mine and only my car. When the family split my parents tried to call in what they called Debts of A Minor which they tried to convince me was a legal term saying if I took my support away from them then they had the right to recall all money involved in raising me.
I went away for two weeks in September and left my car with my brother who I still get on well with. He is still in contact with my parents. They visited him a couple of times while I was away and on the last visit they stole the keys to the car from him and drove off with it. My brother told me immediately and I said I’d deal with it when I got back (it happened a few days before I was to get back). I went to my parents to get my car and they said they’d sold it and the $8000 they sold it for was to go towards Debts of a Minor and they informed me I now have only about $180k to go before I’ve paid them off.
I called the police immediately to report it stolen and they seemed to prefer to listen to my parents who said the title was in their name. I have title in my name however. Advice from the police was to work it out between ourselves. Useless.
So where I’m stuck now is I have no car, I have no keys to it, it’s out there somewhere and my parents refuse to tell me where it is. It’s my car and I can prove it. Who do I prove it to in order to have it retrieved? Are the police right in that I have to beg the people who took my car (my parents) to give it back? Is this a job for a lawyer or court or escalating it with police? I’ve never had to deal with the legal system before.
**Update:** I went to the station in person and got a lot further with different officers who asked what happened before with the other officer, and rolled their eyes when I said his name. I have my brother fully on side and we both made statements. I’ve contacted my insurance.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7ax4oa/update_ca_parents_took_and_sold_my_car_and_wont/)
All I needed was a more with-it police officer. I went in person with all the documentation proving that my car is my vehicle and with my brother, and stated clearly that my car had been stolen and sold and we knew who did it. The officer I dealt with this time treated everything seriously and listened to us both.
I had my car back within two days. My parents had taken it and hadn't sold it like they claimed but were renting it to someone they knew. The car was retrieved from the rentee's house. I hadn't yet made a claim on it so it was returned to me the day after retrieval. My mother has been charged, and I've also been questioned about my parents drug use. I'm over the moon that what they did trying to rip me off has shone a light on more of their behavior.
I'm still trying to gain clarity with my insurer about possible internal damage to the engine or transmission and having that thoroughly checked out, but that's beside the point.
As a bonus this was the last straw for my brother. He'd been still living under our parents thumb and this gave him enough reason to also cut them off and commit to acting against them. I have my car back and my brother back more than I did before. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j8cmbp/ops_abusive_parents_have_arbitrarily_decided_that/ | j8cmbp | 3,707 | 429 | [
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2020-10-10T15:49:52 | A nice little David v. Goliath story for your Saturday: a guy saves for an expensive gift for months, but it gets stolen on delivery because Amazon neglected to honor the signature requirement. [Posted 9 months ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/efdr56/amazon_delivered_my_expensive_product_without/) is by /u/PSinbad.*
So this is the first time I have ever had to deal with something like this and I am at a real loss and almost in tears right now.
I have been saving up for months to be able to get my SO a great gift to help her in her career ( a brand new camera ) and I ordered one a couple of days ago on Amazon. As I ordered I made sure it had signature at delivery because I have had other less expensive items stolen from my doorstep before and learned better.
Fast forward day of delivery and I receive a notification on my phone that delivery was made with the picture and everything and flabbergasted by this I rush home ( was an hour away at a dinner with friends ). When I get home the item isn't there.
I proceed to contact Amazon who tells me to wait 24 hours. After that, I contact them again and after 3 hours and 15 transfers later the gist is we will open an investigation into the matter come back in 3 days. But during one of the conversation one of the agents told me they checked the tracking number and nowhere in the tracking was there any specification for signature required at delivery.
I feel like I am being duped or lied to because I have the screenshot that says signature required at delivery before I ordered. I don't know where this is going to go or what legal alternatives I might have in this situation but any help would be really appreciated.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/eijpra/update_amazon_delivered_my_expensive_product/)
I went straight to the police station once I could and was able to file a police report and made sure to get a copy of everything.
I proceeded to call Amazon this time rather than chat and make sure to explain everything to them in detail and also include the fact that I had filed a police report and was able to get them to refund my money.
I just want to thank everyone who commented especially those who advised me to file a police report and to call rather than chat with them ( I feel it really made a big difference ).
Thank you so much for all the advice and I wish you all a Happy New Year! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j8mrd7/a_nice_little_david_v_goliath_story_for_your/ | j8mrd7 | 2,250 | 263 | [
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2020-10-11T01:38:18 | OP is a college student, and whenever he has his boyfriend over, his homophobic RA hammers on the door and shouts at them to stop having sex (whether they are or not). Meanwhile, the RA has a steady stream of hookups coming over. [Posted 2 years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9bfpx8/sc_ra_keeps_interrupting_sex_because_im_gay/) is by /u/legalthrowout9997.*
Hi legal advice. Every time I have my bf over, without fail, the RA (who is one of my roommates) will start banging on the door and telling us to stop. Tonight we were doing homework but he still started banging on the door after 20 minutes.
Now, if he were enforcing a no sex policy, I'd be peeved but we could go elsewhere. But occasionally he'll have girls over and he seems to be as loud as he possibly can, as if he's trying to show off. I've tried telling him to knock it off but he tells me to fuck off or he'll get me kicked off campus. Is this legal? I feel like this is discrimination.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9fv9j3/sc_ra_keeps_interrupting_sex_because_im_gay_update/)
I've got good news: the RA has been removed! I went to the residence coordinator and he called someone above him in the housing department, who told us to write down every incident I remember for housing to review, then go to the title 9 coordinator. It took awhile to get through all the paperwork, but the process was a lot less intimidating than I thought it would be.
The RA was fired and given the option of either moving to an empty room in one of the old dorms or moving off campus within 30 days. He chose to move out and stay with his girlfriend after a week, which I didn't realize he had since I've seen other women come into his room but I don't feel like stirring that pot. After I made the report, he stopped banging on the door when my bf was over, but every time he saw me I could feel him staring daggers into me. He also started doing petty stuff like "accidentally" knocking my towel onto the floor of the shower room and leaving it there. He left me an apology letter at one point, but it was definitely not sincere. I could've moved to another dorm temporarily but decided it would be too much work because they gave him a 30 day deadline and he started packing the Tuesday after.
Yesterday the new RA finished moving in, and after talking to him about all that happened I think we're going to get along fine! :)
The residence coordinator said that housing had done all they could do, any further action would be done as a result of the title 9 complaint, which might take several months to complete. And for those wondering, yes it is a public college and there is no no-sex policy (I looked through the housing contract and couldn't find anything except rules against sexual assault and discrimination based on sexual orientation), I should've said that in the original post but it blew up and was locked by the time I saw those comments.
Thanks, legal advice! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j8wmz0/op_is_a_college_student_and_whenever_he_has_his/ | j8wmz0 | 2,778 | 293 | [
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2020-10-11T17:57:46 | After OP agreed to sew her future sister-in-law's simple, draped wedding dress, the bride changed the deal, demanding instead a princess gown beyond OP's skill. The SIL is furious with OP for saying she can't do it. [Posted 2 months ago] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hvrpjg/aita_from_bailing_on_my_promise_to_sew_my_future/) is by /u/herissonberserk.*
My brother and future SIL had planned on getting married by the end of june, but Covid happened.
Long before that, he had requested from me, as a wedding gift, to sew the wedding dress of my SIL: I am by no means a professionnal but I can do simple stuff rather nicely. I already sew stuff for my family and friends as gifts regularly, little outfits for the kids or cosplays, easy stuff that can be worn even if there are a few defects on it... They had planned on a no frill wedding with close family and friends only, and my SIL had her eyes on a flowing, layered grecian tunic style dress: rather easy to do and not too expensive as far as materials needed so I agreed.
But with the lockdown, well, things got complicated (lockdown started here on march, so we were unable to get the fittings down, eg) and pretty soon they realised the wedding would have to be postponed.
My SIL LOST it. Really. Crying and screaming and everything, nothing we could do or say could calm her down, until my brother asked her what she wanted to do instead and she said she wanted now a big wedding as a compensation. I mean, well, ok, I get her frustration, I really do. But the main reason they were having a small wedding was to save on some bucks to renovate the house and such. But that's none of my business, I know.
My brother relented and they are now planning a big thing for 2021.
SIL sent me her new requirements. She wants a full skirt, silk, bodiced, lined, embroidered, train-ed, the whole princess gig, dress. That, of course, I would still pay for in full for the materials.
I told her I didn't feel I could do it. That it was too complicated for my skills. She went ballistic. Said I was lying, that I had done complicated things before, and that it was just " nothing more than a couple more stitches".
I have been trying to explain to my brother (because she doesn't want to speak to me anymore, as I am conspiring to ruin her wedding) that I do not feel able to do it. His solution is that I buy the wedding dress she wants, or I wouldn't be invited to the wedding.
So I said ok. I said I wouldn't go, because I couldn't do what they asked me. I can't sew that dress, and I certainly can not pay for what she wants.
I'm now the heartless big sis who doesn't approve of her lil bro wedding/ wife, and honestly I just want to tell them all to go stitch their too big mouths closed!
(Sorry if I made mistakes as english isn't my first langage)
Update: I am really touched by the support and the many great advices I received.Many of you here or on pm gave me ideas and leads on how to deal with this the best way available, as well as pointing out things I hadn't even considered.
* On saturday I see my parents. I will explain to them that as much as I appreciate their faith in my capacities, I am not up to the task, and while their support is amazing, at this moment and on that's subject, it's misguided.
* I will do an itemized list of the costs of the first dress (the one I agreed to make), a quote from a professionnal seamstress of my town for the new dress my SIL want, and a few picked up exemple of the prices of off the rack dresses and show it to them to demonstrate my point
* Many of you also pointed out that while my SIL is planning on splurging... the question of who is going to shoulder the extra cost hasn't been raised. I want to touch that point with them too.
* Also raise the point that it's all nice and well to "faire des plans sur la comète" ( I think in english it can be translated as wishing upon the moon) for a 2021 wedding, it's not even guaranteed! Yes, having her wedding ruined is hard and shitty and effed up, and to all of you here going through this, I really hope the postponement will only bring you even better things. But, it doesn't allow her to act like this, and I Will not go to that wedding unless big apologies are made.
Last but not least. i had no idea there were that much fabric artists, may you all be sewists, embroidresses, stylists, and such. And I had no idea this community would be so supportive and I also learned a lotSo, again, thank you all. I will update next week when I have seen my parents.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/idtg6r/update_aita_from_bailing_on_my_promise_to_sew_my/)
So. A lot of things happened! After a few requests:
This is the kind of things I had promised. Like one of you so nicely said, mostly my sewing style is full on Monet, the farther you are the best it looks, but for the love of everything that is nice in the world, don't look at it too closely : https://imgur.com/a/9UyHc5i
Those are the pics she sent me as exemples of what she wanted: https://imgur.com/a/wKeYcrS lace, beadworks, embroidery, etc
I went to my parents on sunday. They understood very quickly the huge difference in skill set required to fulfill the new request. They also discovered the wondrous world of aliexpress and wish counterfeit designer wedding dresses, because that's where they had gotten their prices range ideas, and quite a few laughs were had over the "expectations/ reality" pics I had found. We also went over the extra costs of the new wedding and I just advised to be careful as we didn't even know yet what would be possible with the epidemic threat still lurking around.
Two days later, my brother stopped by them (and before I could see him IRL) accompanied by future SIL
(Keep in mind, too, that this is a recap of what I have been told happened by my parents, I wasn't there for that). Our parents did take my side on the dress story and at first it seems that my future SIL heard them out until they said they weren't sure they could chip in the extra costs of a store bought princess dress. Then (again I wasn't there,this is what they told me happened).. My SIL silently mouthed out a very foul word toward my mother, and my dad saw her.
All hell broke loose.
For a couple of weeks everyone was screaming at everyone else, my bro not really siding with his wife to be, nor our parents. Our dad doesn't want anything to do with future SIL at all, ever. Mom is more hopeful than a nice apology and explanations could mend the fences.
I still haven't been able to catch my brother face to face. He called and it ended up rather sour since he threw my celibate status at my face as a symbol of failure... BUT he did later send me an apology text saying he loved me, wanted me at his wedding no matter what, and he would understand should I not want to sew the original dress anyway.
Sweet revenge: my dad was so incensed at what had happened that he took me to the fabric shop the very next day and told me to "Go wild and get yourself enough fabric for a princess dress!"
So, one pattern, and three weeks of intense self challenging later, it's full of mistakes and crooked sewing but it was made with the ardent fervour of self righteouness https://imgur.com/a/dvhqjqc and I swear to the heavens that if she doesn't apologise to my parents I will wear this at her wedding!
Edit: Thank you everyone, for the kind words towards my family, here and by pm, the awards, and the advices!
The sewing pattern for the yellow dress is the Mc Call 2041 (I'm sorry, I could have sworn it was a simplicity, my bad). My inspiration wasn't the Belle dress (sorry), nor the Hamilton musical (which, I admit.. I haven't seen. Yet). It was a book I had read recently and loved, an old horror novel called "The King in Yellow" and I wanted to be a Queen in Yellow, ominous and angry and powerful when I picked the fabric, cause I was pissed and angry and hurt at what had happened (and I was indeed feeling spiteful)
What my SIL mouthed.. Well, a quick french lesson: you can worsen a lot of slurs by adding "-asse" in the end (eg : une conne is a stupid woman. une connasse is a stupid, despicable, mean woman). The slur she used was of that category, hence my usually so mellow dad flying off his handle
PS: I have decided to name that dress. and yes, thanks to you all , she will now and forever be known as "Spite Dress" | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j9a1km/after_op_agreed_to_sew_her_future_sisterinlaws/ | j9a1km | 8,247 | 299 | [
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2020-10-12T04:11:37 | OP accidentally rear ends a woman's car; OP's insurance is attempting to arrange a normal settlement, but she is insisting via a rambling 12-page manifesto that OP must pay her personally so they can "know the pain she feels." [Posted 3 years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/612803/richmond_va_i_caused_an_accident_a_year_and_a/) is by /u/DumbCarAccident.*
I am dealing with a smallish insurance company and they have been wonderful to work with and they have been communicating with me. They told me that I do not need to take any further action at this point in time, but I wanted to get some understanding as to whether or not this lady has any legal ground to stand on.
A combination of nasty weather, my unfamiliarity with the area I was driving, and speed on my part caused me to be at fault for a car accident. I ended up rear ending a woman (my car = 2008 Honda Civic, her car = 2014 Ford Expedition) at ~35MPH on a 25MPH road (she was moving about 10-15MPH at the time of the rear-ending). My car was totaled, her car needed barely $2,500 worth of repairs.
This woman has racked up what amounts to something on the order of $25,000 worth of medical bills. This spans chiropractic appointments, to home and Dr. office based physical therapy, etc. Her medical insurance has covered all of this at this point.
Last week my insurance company reached a verbal agreement with her and her lawyer for $40,000
She is now refusing the money from the insurance company, she is demanding that the money come from me personally, she thinks that this will help me “learn my lesson.” My insurance company shared with me a letter she wrote them…a 12-page front and back…what I am calling manifesto. (no, I am not posting it here)
I would also like to point out that she’s 24 years old and the letter makes it sound like she’s an 84-year-old woman on her deathbed with all her listed “ailments.” I am not trying to diminish whatever pain she’s in or think she’s in but…come on right?
So does she have any legal standing on her demand that I pay vs. my insurance pay her?
**Comment on post**
She made is VERY clear in her letter that unless we can prove the money came from my bank account, she will refuse the funds.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6lvmd7/update_virginia_i_caused_an_accident_lady_i_hit/)
The lady I hit, for several weeks, refused to take the (verbally) agreed upon settlement and my insurance company put it on the back burner. In June they gave her 30 days to respond or they would rescind the offer.
In the middle of June she hired a lawyer not connected to her insurance, rather a personal injury atty. I got a letter from the law firm telling me that I was going to be sued if I did not compensate their client the $40,000 she thinks she's owed from the car accident.
I kicked the letter off to my insurance company; I first called then emailed it: My adjuster that I was working with had an audible "siggggghhhhh..." after I read him the letter. Then a strained chuckle. "We will take care of this."
I heard back from them on Wed the 5th - They sent all documentation of the accident, the audio recording of her verbally agreeing to the settlement amount, and her "manifesto" to her newly hired atty. They apparently also included a note that stated that they were giving her until the end of June to accept the money or they would rescind the offer if she did not get this taken care of soon.
My adjuster called me this morning to tell me that the issue has been resolved. She has signed an agreement yesterday that she cannot sue if she takes the money. According to my adjuster, they re-offered her the $40,000 because of two things: Primarily they wanted this to just go away and they did not want to be sued for more, second they apparently know of this personal injury atty, he requires a VERY high contingency percentage and this woman essentially played herself by hiring someone that was not necessary. He collected on her behalf and took his cut.
That's all I know, so yeah. Issue resolved and my insurance has jumped up a small bit in cost due to the accident. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j9k21a/op_accidentally_rear_ends_a_womans_car_ops/ | j9k21a | 3,945 | 316 | [
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2020-10-12T18:25:48 | Years ago, OP's husband left her to marry his pregnant mistress. Now, he's leaving that wife for his new pregnant mistress, and the [shocked] wife is asking a very indifferent OP for emotional support and continued access to OP's daughter. [Posted 5 months ago] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gin1jq/aita_for_telling_my_exhusbands_soon_to_be_exwife/) is by /u/yeahnowaybuddy.*
I'll try to keep it short and sweet. My ex-husband cheated on me with his current wife. We divorced, they got together, and had a baby.
Well it's some years past that point, and surprise surprise, he's done it again. He and his wife are getting a divorce, and he's probably going to marry his new affair partner within the next 6 months if he follows the pattern. More power to him and his penis, I literally do not care what he does with his life anymore.
BUT I was pretty shocked to discover that his wife reached out to me, basically crying about what happened, how she couldn't believe it, and how now that we're in the same camp, so to speak, we should maintain a relationship so our daughters can still be in each other's lives and so we can commiserate.
Yeah, I told her to take a hike, and that if our mutual ex wanted our daughters to hang out, I was more than happy to schedule his visitation at the same time as hers so the girls could be together with their father, but that there was no way I was setting up sleepovers and playdates with her. I'm not bitter about it anymore, I'm remarried, etc. But I just want nothing to do with her. Haven't since the affair.
She about lost it, crying even more about how I would keep our girls apart because we both know ex-husband barely keeps up with his visitation, blah blah, and how he gets when he's in a new relationship. Yes, NOW we both know. But before only I knew, and she didn't seem too sympathetic about my end. She brought up how when she started up with my ex, she didn't know he was married, so I shouldn't hold it against her, and he's the one who cheated, not her. But I really don't care about any of that.
Anyway, she obviously called me an asshole, though not in so many words. My sister is also saying I should think about my daughter's potential relationship with her half sibling, but I think that should be on her father to orchestrate if it's important for him that his children bond and have a relationship. So lay it on me. AITA?
**EDIT:** Popular questions, my daughter is 8 almost 9, and her daughter is close to 7, either about to turn or just turned. My daughter is completely indifferent to her half-sister on her dad's side for various reasons explained in the comments but suffice to say, the indifference isn't new. They don't and have never had a sisterly relationship according to my daughter. She does not have any specific desire to see her (but is presumably fine seeing her while they are both with their father), but if she did want to hang out with her, we'd make it happen.
**EDIT:** Also asked about the state of schedule. My daughter sees her father, generously, 8-10 times a year, never more than a week, usually for a day or two. Between 2-4 of those are with his wife and daughter. This is likely to decrease slightly since he's in a new relationship. Assuming the same pattern continues, the girls will probably still see each other at least 3 times a year. A bit in the summer, for one fall holiday, and father's day. I have also encouraged her in the past to attend his daughter's birthday parties at least briefly.
My daughter is very close with my other daughter and her stepfather, which likely contributes to her disinterest, but isn't something I can really control. I've never badmouthed her father, his wife or other sister, but they just don't really sit prominently on our day-to-day radar.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hwiaj4/update_aita_for_telling_my_exhusbands_soon_to_be/)
After reading ALL the replies on my last post, I decided to sit my daughter down again just to make absolutely sure she wasn't interested in spending time with her half-sister outside of going to their father's. I explained to her that her feelings are the only ones that matter to me about it, not mine, not her stepmom's, and not her dad's. She once again said that she doesn't want to lose her time with her friends or "other people she likes" to have to hang out with her half-sister and that seeing her at their dad's is enough for her. I reminded her that they are siblings, she rolled her eyes, and once again asked if she could go play Switch. That seems settled for now.
Since it's summer, I tried to orchestrate a time for us all to talk about when the girls could possibly go to their father's, but during that meetup, a bunch of other stuff erupted.Surprising no one, my ex-husband's new girlfriend is in fact pregnant and they have plans to move in together. His soon to be ex-wife had a meltdown, and now their daughter is staying with his ex's mother indefinitely. She tried to reach out to me again, but this time I didn't even bother responding. Their divorce already turning into a shitshow, and frankly, I want no part in any of it, including subjecting my daughter to it.
Fortunately, my ex doesn't seem too bothered by the current prospect of not seeing either of his daughters for the next few months. For now, he takes my daughter out on day trips, and maybe once a month he'll take them out together during the summer if his ex is allowing him to see her, which currently she's not.
I do feel badly for the little girl whose life is being torn apart, especially since she's old enough to have these memories imprinted on her. I do feel fortunate that my daughter was too young to remember my divorce, though it wasn't this acrimonious.
Still, my family and I are going to stay the course of our life, and try to stay away from the current dumpster fire that's happening over there. Once things settle down, I'm still open to working out visitation such that all the children can see one another, but I won't have a direct relationship with my husband's new ex or his daughter for the foreseeable future. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/j9wfzz/years_ago_ops_husband_left_her_to_marry_his/ | j9wfzz | 5,941 | 343 | [
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2020-10-13T15:07:08 | After a lifetime of dealing with severe food allergies that have limited everything from childhood playdates to daily life, OP is shocked to learn that his parents made up everything, and he actually has no food allergies. [Posted 4 months ago] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h808dd/aita_for_going_nocontact_with_my_parents_after/) is by /u/TroubleInGluten.*
Hey everyone. I am 19 years old and my parents are in their 50s.
For as long as I can remember, I have been allergic to several things:
* Dairy
* Wheat/Flour/Gluten
* Legumes
Since I was a young child, my parents have completely kept all of them out of our house. While other kids ate breakfast cereals, I ate fish and assorted pickled vegetables for breakfast. While other kids had Lunchables, I had grilled chicken or fish with, again, assorted vegetables (usually sweet potatoes). While other kids ate birthday cake at the birthday party, I had an apple.
I never questioned this until a couple of months ago. I was at my aunt's house for my birthday party, and she made brownies for everyone. For me, she took great steps to make them with almond flour and avoided all of my allergies. I started eating them and thought little of it until my aunt suddenly looked at me and, in a panicked way, asked which plate I took the brownies from. I pointed from the one where I got my brownies, and she immediately stood up and told me we had to get my EpiPen. She raced to ask my mother for it, and I sat there scared out of my mind because I had never mistakenly eaten flour before.
I noticed my mother had calmed her down, and then she said that we don't have to worry because she had switched the plates of brownies, and after all I had eaten the ones made with almond flour. I found this incredibly odd because, really, why would she swap the plates? That doesn't even make sense. But for the time being I let the issue rest.
It didn't sit well with me for about a week and I finally went to get an allergy test. The doctor started with a skin prick test, and lo and behold, I didn't react to any of the above substances. Then he ordered a blood test, and when the results came in, they said that I had absolutely no intolerance to any of the foods I'm supposed to be allergic to.
I was furious and called my mother. She eventually admitted that she lied to me because she wanted me to be on a paleolithic diet, and wanted me to be able to avoid all temptations. She raised me with a lie about her own health, but she keeps insisting that I try to see it from her perspective. She spams my phone with messages about how healthy I am--that I never had acne, that I have been in great shape my whole life, that I have strong teeth and bones, and even that I got onto a D1 college tennis team.
She has started calling me ungrateful for her intervention and insisting that I really should be glad I never got "carb addicted." I don't know what to think. I carried around an EpiPen for all those years--one that I suspect may be fake seeing as my mother never got me to replace it--and I don't even know anymore.
Am I the asshole and an ungrateful son for losing it over this?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hp63xf/update_aita_for_going_nocontact_with_my_parents/)
Perhaps against my better judgment, I decided that I would re-open a line of communication with my mother. I know this was not recommended by anyone in the post at all, but I just decided that I really wanted to have a relationship with her. I wanted her to see why what she did was so incredibly wrong and crossed so many lines, on top of wanting to be her son again.
I texted her a few days after I made my original post and told her that I was willing to talk if she [A] did not say anything until I had my say, [B] didn't gaslight me into thinking what she was doing was right, and [C] truly considered my perspective. She agreed instantly. We set up a video chat at that point, where I explained many of the wonderful points people in this community brought up in my original post:
* What if I had really accidentally taken in one of the foods I was supposed to be allergic to? (Absurdly irresponsible of her)
* Did she ever stop to consider that I, sitting there at another kid's birthday party chowing down on a fucking apple while the other kids ate cake, might just feel out of place? (Inconsiderate)
* How could she have the nerve to suggest that my hard work and having a god-damned tennis racket practically glued to my hand since I was four was the reason why I'm such a successful athlete, but rather it was because I didn't eat gluten? (Dismissive of my accomplishments)
* How could she have lied not only to me, but to our family as well? (Dishonest)
* Why didn't she just talk to me instead of raising me on a lie? (Underhanded)
By the end of my rehearsed talk, my mother was straight-up ugly crying. This was not exactly what I expected, but she apologized and said that she had been terrible. It was a huge leap from her previous response to my indignation. She told me everything I said was right, and asked if I would listen to her reason why she did so.
Before I was born, my mother had a much older brother. I knew about him, but never heard specifics on what happened to him. Apparently he basically ate himself to death. He was so obese and food addicted that he was beyond help. He passed away when my mother was pregnant with me. They were close. It had a huge effect on her. She rationalized that lying would be better for me. When I brought up the fact that she didn't lie once, but for my entire life, she acknowledged that she truly had no excuse.
This did not give me complete closure, but at least I got it. I am talking to my mother and father again. My father also apologized, although he has tried to maintain that he was more of an accomplice who tried to talk her out of it. That's another fight for another day. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jaf9s5/after_a_lifetime_of_dealing_with_severe_food/ | jaf9s5 | 5,736 | 490 | [
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2020-10-13T16:11:13 | OP kicked a (now former) friend out of her house for telling a grieving widow that her husband's death was her fault, because God was punishing her for not being a Christian and reading the Bible. | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iwpbdx/aita_for_kicking_a_friend_out_of_my_house_for/) is by /u/Throwaway9874996.*
Disclaimer: I'm on mobile and this is a throwaway for privacy reasons.
Earlier today I had two friends over to watch a game and catch up as social distancing rules eased up a bit in my area (we're all women in our early 30s). One friend, let's call her A, has had a very tough couple of years. She lost her husband last year (he was on deployment when he passed away), and tragedy struck again when her 6 year old son passed away from cancer a few months ago. Needless to say, she was and still is devastated, and this was the first time she felt like hanging out since the loss of her son.
My other friend, let's call her B, is very traditional and religious, while friend A and myself are not religious at all, but our differing views have never been an issue and we've gotten along just fine with friend B since we met her 4-5 years ago. Friend B has brought up what she believes are the benefits of religion to us a few times in the past, but always dropped the subject when we weren't responsive to it. Neither friend A or I ever held any ill feelings towards her about this as she wasn't too pushy with her beliefs.
On to the situation that took place today. We were listening to friend A pour her heart out and doing our best to console her while being a shoulder to cry on. Friend A, through tears, said "I don't know what I did wrong in my life to deserve to lose (her husband and son)". Instantly, friend B exclaimed "well I can tell you that! You didn't allow god and the bible into your life, so god punished you for it. Can you blame him?". Friend A just looked at her in awe. I lost it. I yelled at her that what she said was totally uncalled for and unbelievably hurtful. Then I got up, opened the front door and told her to get the hell out of my house and never contact me again. She tried to backtrack and say that she wasn't trying to be hurtful, but I wasn't having any of it. I yelled again "just get out of my house right now. Don't make me throw you out like a piece of trash". She huffed and left. Friend A was bawling at this point, but said thank you. We continued talking and she calmed down after awhile.
Looking back now, I realize that I possibly could've handled the situation better. Both friend A and I never thought friend B would say something like that. Maybe I overreacted, I don't know. AITA?
**EDIT:** I didn't expect this to take off as much as it did and I really appreciate all the comments, messages, and awards! I want to clarify why I think I may have overreacted. I always thought of myself as tolerant and a person who respects other people's views and beliefs (no matter how extreme). This situation made me react in a way that, in my mind, didn't make me a tolerant person because I did throw someone out of my house for saying something that I thought was out of line, but it still was part of their belief system. This is the reason I wanted opinions from the fellow Redditors, as I obviously can't be unbiased here. Thank you all for your input!
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jad6d7/update_aita_for_kicking_a_friend_out_of_my_house/)
It's been a few weeks since the situation happened, so I will start off by saying that (ex)friend B did NOT apologize to friend A for what she said. Matter of fact, she hasn't reached out to either one of us since then (we also didn't reach out to her). Unfortunately, B's words from that day really got to friend A. She struggled with survivors guilt and questioned her upbringing/lifestyle, views on religion, etc. She doubled her therapy sessions and I spent my free time keeping her company.
A couple of weeks ago, I went over to her place and found her reading a bible and (almost obsessively) flagging pages. She said she was researching to check if what B told her was true. She started reading excerpts and telling me her interpretations. This behavior did scare me a bit, so I suggested she bring this up to her therapist (it was the only thing I could think of to help calm her down). She did talk to the therapist who suggested she perhaps talk to a pastor instead of trying to come up with her own conclusions. She asked me to go with her, which I did, but told me to just wait for her at the church while she talked to the pastor privately. After, she said that she felt better and was more convinced that B was full of it. She also seemed calmer, so I believed that conversation did help her.
I was at her house on Friday and she told me that she still thinks about what was said and, although she feels much better after talking to the pastor, he's only one person and what if he is wrong? I tried to reassure her again and talk through her feelings, but I could tell it was still eating at her. I had a feeling she might spiral again. Then I had an idea. I told her about the post I made on here and explained why, how it works, etc. (she's not a Reddit user). I pulled up my original post and asked her to read the comments to show her how hundreds of people (religious and non-religious) felt about what was said. We spent the evening reading each comment, she cried, she laughed, she was surprised and overwhelmed at the amount of support and reassuring words from all these strangers. I could tell she was more and more relieved as we read. She has been in a much better state of mind since then, so seeing hundreds of people disagree with B's words definitely had a positive impact on her.
So dear Redditors, thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping my friend with your kind words and reassurance! She has a long road ahead of her in this grieving process, but she's going strong. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jagjrq/op_kicked_a_now_former_friend_out_of_her_house/ | jagjrq | 5,813 | 162 | [
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2020-10-14T01:46:23 | Lost in Translation: OP discovers his Korean's girlfriend's father might be racist against his skin color . . . | null | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jard6t/lost_in_translation_op_discovers_his_koreans/ | jard6t | 9 | 0 | [
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2020-10-14T18:34:29 | "MIL Getting Married on Our First Wedding Anniversary" | r/JUSTNOMIL | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/igrsoz/mil_getting_married_on_our_first_wedding/) by u/TheNiffny*
&nbsp;
My husband and I got married last Halloween. It was a last minute decision even though we'd been together 15 years prior to "eloping". The idea was to have our big wedding in 2020 when Halloween falls on Saturday. Anyway, when we told his MIL on Christmas Eve she flipped out, called me a c*#t and my husband didn't speak to her again until mid-August.
Now, we cancelled our big Halloween wedding in light of the pandemic, but last week MIL sends a text asking my husband and I to be in her October wedding. She's getting married to a man nobody even knew she was dating on (or very near) our first anniversary. I'm so angry I'm shaking, but I can't put a finger on exactly why I'm so upset. Am I being crazy? Overly emotional?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ihtw3g/update_mil_getting_married_on_our_first_wedding/)
I showed my husband the texts when he got home from work. He told me to erase them, not to worry about anything, and to get excited because he'd already planned a surprise just for the two of us.
My sister in law (who I just call my baby sister because she is wonderful) told me that he called MIL the next day and told her that he'd only ever agreed to speak to her again for the sake of the other family members who might be uncomfortable during holidays if he didn't smooth things over. He called her on her bull and said that if she ever upset his wife like this again she'll be dead to him.
I know this is a negative situation, but when I was young my father chose alcohol over me. My mother chose an abusive man and another life over me.. I've never felt so supported, valued, and loved in all my life as I did when I saw my husband's reaction. I think this is what family is supposed to be and I feel very very fortunate.
And thank you for all the supportive (and hilarious) replies to my original post! I can't tell you how much it helped :) | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jb6ki0/mil_getting_married_on_our_first_wedding/ | jb6ki0 | 2,060 | 337 | [
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2020-10-15T12:03:39 | The lab OP and his wife are using for IVF treatment keeps sending embarrassing/highly personal medical information to the wife's work. They want to know: is this a HIPAA violation? [Posted 2 years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9iltu0/wife_and_i_had_ivf_done_recently_possible_hipaa/) is by /u/MountMyBlade.*
A few months ago, my wife and I recently went through IVF. The fertility clinic makes it part of their process to test all patients for gonorrhea/chlamydia. No big deal, I guess. Our real issue is that the lab company sent the bill to my wife's workplace. It was addressed to her, but her workplace opened the bill. This was really embarrassing for my wife, because the HR lady saw the bill; it only showed a line item for "Chlamydia/GC Amplification". In an attempt to save face, she had to explain our infertility issues which is hard for her to do.
After making some phone calls, it appears that the fertility clinic filled the forms out correctly and the Lab company sent the bill to the wrong address. When I called them, they apologized and said they'd look into it. They followed up with us by sending a copy of the form the clinic sent in (which was filled out correctly). They claimed it was the clinic's fault, but the formed showed otherwise.
We were upset with this, but decided to just move on. That was all a few months ago.
Well, today, we received the other bill (I guess one for each of us. I don't know why this one took so long). This was, again, sent to my wife's workplace and again opened. Is this a HIPAA violation?
Thanks.
**Edit:** Thanks to everyone for their replies. We decided to file a complaint and let the investigating agency decide if there was a violation.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/atqez1/update_wife_and_i_had_ivf_done_recently_possible/)
My wife and I had put this out of our minds and haven't thought about it in months. However, today we received a letter from the lab that we felt violated HIPAA. They confirmed that there was a HIPAA violation and decided to reimburse us the cost of the lab work. Amazing! They stated they would pass their findings on to the Office for Civil Rights. Thank you all.
In related news, our first child is due Tuesday. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jbm8u1/the_lab_op_and_his_wife_are_using_for_ivf/ | jbm8u1 | 2,103 | 577 | [
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2020-10-15T18:16:43 | A dying woman wants to know if it's appropriate to meet up with her first love, given that she's married now. [Warning: this is a sad one.] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hj96l8/aita_i_am_dying_and_want_to_have_a_catchup_with/) is by /u/loveaita. Credit to /u/ThrowItToTheVoidz for forwarding the post and suggesting that I post it.*
Hi... First time posting. In mobile. Sorry in advance for the typos.
For starters, I (32F) am dying due to cancer. It was diagnosed pretty late after 2 weeks of severe stomach pain and throwing up after every meal. At the stage i am in, doctors have suggested palliative care rather than any treatments which i am sad about. But thats life eh...
I am from one of the countries where marriage is arranged rather than the western way. I was in love with someone (A) when i was 18-19 yo. Though he was from the same community as i am, my parents did not agree to it due to his economic background which was few steps below us. My parents fixed my marriage with my husband (B) and we are married for 12 years now. We don't have kids. B doesnt know about A as my ex bf (but knows A as he is quite well known in our small city). He never asked me about my previous love affairs (since thats very taboo in my culture) and i lied by omission?
A remained single and is now a professor in our local university. He has gained quite a name by mentoring young people and directing them in the right studies/career path.
Now i have done everything i need to do, my legal and financial stuff is sorted and i have spoken to my husband on what i need him to do (get married again, dont think that as a betrayal to my memory, dont ask if my parents are ok about it etc). Now with people walking around me in eggshells, i have been thinking a lot about A and i really want to spend some time with him - a couple of hours and have a meal and walk down the memory lane (if he is willing of course). I mean.... I dont know i feel like do what you like, on the other hand i feel its selfish? My husband worships the ground i walk and i love him. But A is like that childbood crush on your favourite actor or sportsman or first love in high school which would be stored in a tiny corner of your heart and brings a wistful smile?
I am just conflicted if i would be the asshole if i tell my husband about A and this wish of mine?
Tl:dr; I am dying and feel like having a chat with my first love.
NOTE: My intention is just to have a chat and a meal (just him). I have had 2 palliative surgeries and have 2 bags in my lower tummy. So nothing physical or like an affair and it would be in my home.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jbnrzf/update_aita_i_am_dying_and_want_to_have_a_catchup/)
Hi, This is S's husband and she passed away after 5 weeks of posting this. I just looked into this account/phone before 2 days. She never told me about A herself. But we live in a small town and everyone knows about everyone's business including rumors. So i kind of knew about this vaguely. A did come to see her as a courtesy once her illness became known to people in our place.
She was a very nice human being, a dutiful wife and daughter and i really miss her. She was also my best friend and confidante. She was a genuinely nice and kind person and she deteriorated quite quickly post her diagnosis.
I just saw this account in her phone and am planning to have a chat with A to see if he would be willing to organise a scholarship (paid by me with her inheritance) in her memory to sponsor the higher education of few kids every year and making them self-sufficient. This is something she wanted to do. I am still not sure if i should tell A that i know their history. But thats a different discussion for a different day.
I wish she had been one of those miraculous recoveries where doctors aren't even sure how something happened. She was a very warm and loving person and thanks to everyone who had messaged her asking for updates, checking on her. Thanks again. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jbt1gf/a_dying_woman_wants_to_know_if_its_appropriate_to/ | jbt1gf | 3,929 | 135 | [
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2020-10-15T20:17:41 | A sad bit sweet update | null | Cyanidesuicideml | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jbveg0/a_sad_bit_sweet_update/ | jbveg0 | 0 | 14 | [
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2020-10-16T14:05:38 | After OP's terrible brother posted a racist rant on Snapchat that went viral, the whole family moved to a new state to give him a "fresh start." OP is devastated that she had to give up her extracurriculars, including potential scholarships, as a result. [Posted 6 months ago] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fwv5rx/aita_for_snapping_at_my_brother_because_hes_why/) is by /u/donthateondebate.*
Me - 14F Brother (Daniel) - 16M
I used to live in City X, I was born and raised there. All my friends are here, all extracurricular opportunities I have are here (i.e. the debate circuit is very strong here, connections I’ve cultivated for youth activism, good internship opportunities), etc. But my brother fucked up big time about a year ago and ruined it all for us.
I’m not going to go into the exact nature of what he did, but it was BAD. He didn’t do something that would have serious legal consequences or anything. But it was stupid, incredibly problematic, and got him landed in enough shit for it to get spread throughout social media. He also got in trouble with the school, and he claimed he couldn’t stay there because his reputation is ruined. Personally, I think he should’ve thought of that BEFORE HE DID IT.
My parents were mad, but they got sympathetic because he said he was getting bullied & they wanted to protect his future, so they moved him to 2 other high schools, but it ended in the same way because everyone knew what happened anyways. So my parents & him decided to move to an entirely different state, in City Y, without consulting me at all.
My brother’s future is important, but why should my future be sacrificed just because he fucked up? City Y is super small and has way shittier schools, and doesn’t have a debate league. I also had to leave all my friends behind. No one knows about what my brother did, so he’s happy, my parents are happy he’s happy. I’m the only one who’s not happy. At the risk of sounding cocky, I had a really good future in my extracurriculars. Like definitely could’ve shaped up to be one of the best nationally according to a lot of people, if I had the right coaching and competition. I could’ve gotten scholarships to great schools for it! But no Daniel had to get himself into deep shit, and drag me into it too.
I’ve been here for 4 months now, and I didn’t talk to my brother at all for the first two months. Now we’re all at home, and my frustrations are building everytime I see him. So at dinner, my brother was talking about his college prospects with my parents, and I was just so frustrated that I snapped. Our conversation went like:
Him: I think I have a good shot at getting into [state school]
Me: Like hell you do, with the shit you did last year. If you think running away to a different city and ruining my life can make what you did go away, then you’re in for a fucking treat.
Him: You’re such a fucking bitch, get over it already
Mom: donthateondebate, stop blaming your brother, you need to start adjusting to City Y, apologize for what you said.
Dad: [state school] won’t know
Me: I’ll email every single college you apply to with the screenshots and evidence if we don’t move back to City X, thats a promise not a threat
My parents got really furious with me for that, but I’m not joking. AITA or my brother/parents?
**Comments from OP for additional context** (combined from multiple comments)
Daniel went on a racist rant (calling poc students he didn’t like racial slurs, saying things like “that’s why we need segregation again”, etc.) and he posted it on his main snapchat story instead of his private one (with all his little racist buddies), and accidentally left it up for hours.
It was a fucking shitshow and he deserved all of it, in my opinion.
Obviously there was a lot of backlash against him from students of color, but he just complained about them being sensitive snowflakes/sjw’s. Our parents made him write apologies to the kids he called slurs, but he sure dragged his feet doing it. He tried to get ME to write one for him. So yeah, not a lot of remorse.
His only punishments were getting grounded for two months, having to write those letters, and making him delete social media (he redownloaded them all three weeks later, and they just let him). My parents are pretty indulgent of him.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gn4gy2/update_aita_for_snapping_at_my_brother_because/)
Hello Reddit. Before I begin, I’d like to thank everyone for how supportive they have been in response to my last post. I’ve gotten a lot of PM’s about helping me with debate, and advice, which is greatly appreciated. I haven’t really gotten a chance to give y’all an update, and you’ll see why.
So as background, my uncle Randy (not real name of course), doesn’t have kids, but he’s dating my aunt Rebecca (technically girlfriend, but it’s been 8 years, so she’s family). They live across the country in City Z, which is a great place, not as nice as City X for debate, but definitely better than City Y. Since they live pretty far away, we only really see them on holidays, the years we spend it with dad’s family.
Randy is very well-off, I don’t know how much he makes exactly, but I’ve stayed at his house & it’s very nice for a place in City Z. And it’s not his only one. He’s very generous, and he has set up college funds for me, Daniel, and Rebecca’s little brother (Ricky). I’d still rather get a scholarship than use Randy’s money, because I don’t want to be a burden. Ricky is younger than me, so sometimes I tutor him over the phone, we’re pretty close. I also talk to my uncle fairly frequently, we talk about politics together. However, he doesn’t really speak to/like Daniel, because he’s rude to Rebecca.
Anyways, I was helping Ricky with his math homework shortly after my original post, when I just started to cry. I don’t really know what came over me, but I haven’t told anyone about how upset I was before then, because there’s so much else going on in the world. Ricky and I talked, and I found out that my parents actually told the entire family the reason we were moving was because City Y had a better debate circuit & they believed it because no one else does debate. I hadn’t discussed the move with them, because I bottle my emotions, and they didn’t really ask me about the move because they assumed I wanted it.
I ended up talking to my uncle about it, and we had a really great conversation about it. He’s extremely angry at my parents, and Daniel. This was the second to last straw for him, and he ended up removing half of Daniel’s college fund & split it into me & Ricky’s funds. Daniel was very upset, because he’d been relying on that money and our parents hadn’t saved up. So he threw my phone down the stairs. Then I emailed my uncle from my laptop, and he revoked the rest of Daniel’s college fund too. My parents are quite angry at me too, because it’s not like they can come up with $200k by the time Daniel goes to college. My uncle has offered for me to come stay with them in City Z, which I have taken him up on. He also generously bought me a new phone, which I’m writing this post with right now.
Edit: I’ve gotten A LOT of messages, and I can’t really answer them all, so I’ll just address the most common questions.
What did your brother do? Posted a racist snapchat rant on his public story instead of private, I don’t want to go too into detail besides that.
Is [insert video of racist kid] your brother? Either way, I’m not going to confirm or deny it. However, I’m really impressed at the variety of racist kids vaguely fitting Daniel’s description you guys have managed to find.
Have your parents agreed to you moving in with your uncle? Short answer yes. Long answer — took a lot of pressure from other family members, but they conceded. I’ll be with them on holidays.
And yes, I agree, my uncle is fantastic! I’m a very lucky niece to have him :)
**Comments from OP for additional context**
When my brother isn’t being passive-aggressive, he’s ignoring me. Usually when we make eye contact he’ll just walk into a different room and slam the door really loudly or game with his friends & complain about his “bitch sister” (our rooms are next to each other). My parents are upset, they think the whole situation has blown up a lot more than they wanted, especially considering that a lot of the family is upset that they lied. They’ve calmed down a lot, but occasionally my mom will beg me to convince my uncle to change his mind. So frosty is the term I’d use. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jcaejl/after_ops_terrible_brother_posted_a_racist_rant/ | jcaejl | 8,365 | 440 | [
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2020-10-17T17:36:14 | OP's very sketchy father, who has a history of cyber-stalking OP's mother through keyloggers and hacking her personal devices, now seems to be trying to get access to OP's bank account. | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j52lwi/wibta_for_confronting_my_dad_about_shady_bank/) is by /u/ShannonE3.*
So, my parents got divorced a couple of years back. My dad had been pretty involved with prostitutes, and blew thousands of dollars of family money on this habit. The divorce started out pretty amicable, but when my dad started to realize he was going to lose a lot of his money, he wanted to cut my brother and I off of his health insurance plan, take away college money, etc. (I was 21 at the time and my brother 19).
My dad was also pretty intensely cyber-stalking and physically stalking my mom once she had started to move on. He put a tracker on her car, a key logger on her computer, all of these things. We changed all of her passwords, and then the next day she was locked out of her accounts because my dad had changed them all back.
It took lawyers getting involved because of this harassment to get insurance details righted, college money restored, and get reparations pay back to my mom for all of the prostitute money he used. I contemplated cutting him out of my life back then, but I just felt terribly guilty about all of it, even though my brother cut off communications.
Fast forward to now, and my dad and I have somewhat of a relationship. It's improved a lot since the divorce years, even though I've caught him in a lot of lies/shady behavior still. However, I recently got married back in May, and my husband and I found out we are expecting a baby due in April. We've been working towards merging our finances, when I get this notification from my bank that the contact phone number on my account had just been changed to my dad's phone number.
I just feel so sick. I know he was the one who put that number on my account, which means he's probably yet AGAIN doing something shady to access my account. I told my brother about it and he's livid and ready to confront my dad, and I think I am too. I called my bank about the phone number change, and while they won't give me the IP address the change was made from, they can confirm it was done through a verified log in (and it was not myself or my husband).
So, WIBTA for confronting my dad and possibly cutting off contact? I'm so sick of being locked out of accounts, having my private information screwed with, and at this point, I don't want my future child/family having to deal with all of this harassment and stalking.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jcf4h0/update_to_father_hacking_into_my_bank_account/)
So, I got a lot of great advice from this sub, and I wanted to thank everyone who took the time to respond! I ended up taking my computer into Geek Squad, and they did find a keylogger on it. They removed the keylogger, and I spent some time picking a few files that I felt were safe to save, and wiped my hard drive.
I'm set up now with a new bank account that has "fake" security question answers that are written down on a piece of paper and filed away. Now that my hard drive is wiped, I've also changed passwords on every account and set up 2 factor authentication on every account where that is possible.
Many of you advised against having a conversation with my father, but my brother and I ultimately decided that for the sake of our closure, it was something that we needed. He of course denied everything, and while the conversation was frustrating to say the least, it also gave me the permission I needed to let go of him and go NC. We've contacted the authorities about the bank account change and are in the process of opening an investigation. We made that clear to my father in the conversation as well, to hopefully dissuade any further intrusion attempts.
My hard drive is clean, I've blocked his email address and phone number, and have deleted all old emails that could contain downloadable files and malware. This is going to be a long road in feeling like we're safe, but I think I'm finally heading in the right direction. Thanks again for everyone who commented on the original post. All of the advice was so, so helpful! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jczfyv/ops_very_sketchy_father_who_has_a_history_of/ | jczfyv | 4,143 | 282 | [
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2020-10-18T16:26:56 | No good deed goes unpunished: OP & his wife's houseguest refuses to leave on schedule, confesses his love to the wife, asks her to join him in stealing the home from OP, and when rebuffed, installs a new deadbolt on the front door. [Posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/c0kwc2/houseguest_had_a_deadbolt_installed_after_being/) is by /u/Scumbag_Locksmith.*
To be clear, this is not New York City.
TL;DR: Wife and I let an old friend of hers who is going through a hard time stay with us for a while. When reminded that he'll have to move on soon, he made a pass at my wife and flipped out on her when she declined his advances. He then had a locksmith install a deadbolt on the door, despite not presenting them with a lease or deed to show that he has a right to get locks installed. Now what? Questions at the bottom.
A childhood friend of my wife's (call him Pete) moved back to the area after the death of a parent and losing his job. We offered to let him crash in our spare bedroom for a month or so while he gets things figured out. Pete moved in on 3/28, and we had him sign something that said that he'd split on 6/30 whether he had his shit sorted or not. This was partially to put a hard limit on the amount of time he'd be living with us, but primarily because my brother is going to spend about six weeks in town for work starting in mid-July, and will be staying with us. Pete didn't seem to be in much of a rush to find a new job, let alone find his own place, but he's in a bit of a funk due to the whole situation so we'd been giving him the benefit of the doubt. On 6/1, my wife reminded Pete of the fact that he had to go at the end of the month, he said not to worry and that he'd definitely have something figured it out by then.
She gave him the same reminder this Wednesday (6/12). I'll spare you the details, but this time Pete countered by confessing that he'd always been in love with her, and that she should leave me and i could find a new place while they stay in the apartment (which is sort of funny because while I consider this to be her apartment as much as mine, I purchased it before we met and her name isn't on anything). Anyway, she obviously shut this down immediately, and Pete did not respond well. At all. No violence but a ton of shouting, insulting and attempting to guilt trip. It was intense enough that my wife just cut out to her mother's place, where she called me to fill me in on the situation. I went home from work and told Pete that we'd stick to the agreement despite his behavior, but the sooner he was out, the better. I spoke to my wife later that evening and we decided till Pete fucks off, she'll stay in an investment property of mine that is luckily vacant right now, but I'd start working remotely and stay at the apartment more or less 24/7, both to make sure Pete doesn't do anything stupid and because my presence in the living room would hopefully be more than a little awkward for him.
So this morning around 6:00 I left to run to the office to grab some stuff I'll need while working from home. I got back to the apartment about half an hour ago, and as I stepped out of the elevator I saw a guy with a toolbox leaving my apartment and immediately noticed that a new deadbolt had been installed in the door. I tried to explain the situation to the locksmith but he basically told me that the lock's already in and he gave the only key to the guy in the apartment, so it's between the two of us now. LOVELY. I asked him for a card and he said he didn't have any, so I asked where he works. He told me that it isn't any of my business and reiterated that this is between me and Pete. I followed him downstairs and luckily he was in a van that had a sticker with the company's name and info on the side. I called the number, asked to speak to the boss and told him what had happened. He more or less did his best to not answer any of my questions - "I'm sorry but I don't have to inform you of our policies." Fun.
So this is where I am at now. I called the police just to get a report filed, but I am 100% sure that when the officers show up they're going to tell me that it's a civil issue. I'm not expecting them any time soon, as this is a pretty small potatoes deal in the city where the whole thing is taking place. I was actually all set to offer Pete a cash for keys deal if he wasn't getting his shit in gear by 6/23, but I have a feeling that I am going to have to evict now. I own a few investment properties and have gone through the eviction process before, so I know that will not be a fun process given how tenant friendly my state is, but it is what it is. We've got that vacant rental property to stay in while everything gets sorted out, so that's covered as well. My only questions now are about who I can go after for what.
On that note, here are my questions:
I am going to lose money on the rental that my wife and I will be staying in while the eviction gets handled. In fact I've already done so, as I had just started advertising it and will now have to pull the listing on a few sites/drop a "sorry but" on anyone who responds to print ads I placed. Is this something I can sue for? In my mind I'd name both Pete and the locksmith company in a suit and let the judge decide who owes me what, but since I am making the decision for us to occupy the space, do I technically have damages?
When I got a deadbolt installed at my old rental, I had to show the locksmith a copy of my lease before they'd even touch the door. Was that just a company policy they were following or is that mandated by law? If the latter, is there anything I can go after them for? I don't care if it's trying to get criminal charges pressed or just going the civil route - I am not hurting for money so frankly if I were to sue it would be more about taking the pound of flesh that I feel I am entitled to after they locked me out of my own home, but I'd be just as happy seeing the pound of flesh extracted in a manner that does not end with me in possession of it.
Anything else that I should be thinking about in this situation? I am planning on asking the police to do a civil standby or whatever it's called so I can get a few important things out of the apartment. I am a little flustered and pissed off right now to say the least, so I just want to make sure that there isn't anything I should be considering beyond that.
Thanks in advance, and the cops are actually pulling up now so I might have an update shortly.
Edit 1: Just heard from the owner of the locksmith, who sounded about as pissed off as I am. He's sending a guy over with a new deadbolt and a few extra keys. Apparently he's already arranged for his dude to show up with some cops in case Pete is not a fan of the lock being changed. Bonus: in explaining that part to me, I got to hear somebody say "I know a guy who knows a guy" in real life, and now I want to hang out with this dude.
Edit 2: MIL took the wife out to get her mind off of this stuff, but she is now being returned to me so I am gonna stop staring at the internet. The locksmith will be here around 8pm, and Pete's brother is going to swing through around the same time to see if he can talk some sense into him. Thanks for all of the advice and well wishes, I'll try to update again tonight if anything interesting happens but at this point it will more likely be tomorrow/Sunday.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/c0y94o/houseguest_had_a_deadbolt_installed_after_being/)
TL;DR - things kind of managed to sort themselves out
So I got a call while I was getting ready to head back to the apartment to meet the locksmith. It was Pete's brother. Apologies for the lack of details here but I don't know too much about exactly what went down, and a chunk of what I do know is sort of personal shit that the brother, who just did me an enormous favor, probably wouldn't want me sharing. Anyway, the gist of the phone call was that he went by and performed a third party constructive eviction with the back of his hand. So Pete's gone, as is most of his stuff. His brother is going to swing by next week to grab any odds and ends that they may have missed. I am planning on making him dinner and hitting him off with a bottle of good whiskey when he does so.
As far as Pete goes, I'm thinking that I'll follow through with at least the early part of the eviction process just in case he tries anything cute. Gonna speak to my attorney about this first, but he's still in the wind. Turns out he's staying at a cabin his girlfriend's family owns and it's pretty much as close to being in the middle of nowhere as human-built structures get. His admin/paralegal... I dunno what she is specifically, but she said that yesterday was the one day he wasn't going into town for cell service. This gives us the opportunity to convince him that the situation is currently way worse than it ever was, and as much as I love this guy, he's really fun to fuck with so that's cool.
After speaking with him I called the owner of the locksmith to let him know that the apartment was vacant, so his guy wouldn't need to show up with police. Turns out he was planning on coming by to handle this himself anyway, so that was easy enough. I met him over there, he had a handful of deadbolts for me to choose from, and he switched out the lock in about five minutes. We got to bullshitting about baseball because that's what you do in New York, and this led to him accepting my offer to buy him a beer so we could watch the White Sox smack our Yankees around. I got some backstory at the bar, and while this is secondhand information, the dude seems pretty reliable so I've got no reason not to believe him.
The guy who came over yesterday morning was indeed an employee of his, but he wasn't on the clock and actually "borrowed" the deadbolt without mentioning anything. Turns out he is an old friend of Pete's, and had been fed a story about an insane landlord who had decided to move into the apartment Pete was renting. Brilliant. Anyway, my new locksmith buddy told me that this guy was officially unemployed as of that afternoon. I'd feel bad for the dude but I'm too busy not caring about what his motivation was due to the complete and total lack of any attempt to verify the story he'd been fed. This also explains the the non-answers I got when I called the shop - the person I spoke to was a manager who had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. He was basically trying to buy some time to speak with the owner and the guy who installed the deadbolt instead of just pulling an excuse out of his ass for me. I wish he'd told me that in the first place but I do appreciate the fact that he didn't just try to go into CYA mode for the company/his (now former) co-worker. All in all, I have a new preferred locksmith for when I need something done at any of my properties.
So really the only legal shit left is the restraining order, and Pete very kindly sent my wife a few emails last night upon figuring out that she'd blocked his number. Not gonna go into detail but I'll just say that the contents should make the restraining order easy to get.
So thank for all of the help and well wishes, but it seems like this is more or less a wrap, and a pretty amusing one too. My wife's gone from upset about the whole thing to uncharacteristically indignant, which she's admitted is kind of cathartic for her, so I don't even have a reason to feel guilty about laughing about what a moron Pete is!
Again, thanks all. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jdj811/no_good_deed_goes_unpunished_op_his_wifes/ | jdj811 | 11,372 | 473 | [
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2020-10-18T22:21:56 | OP installed a ramp at his house's front door to accommodate his boyfriend's wheelchair. An irate neighbor is threatening to sue OP for removal, calling it "an eyesore." [Posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9q58k8/neighbor_threatening_to_sue_over_wheelchair_ramp/) is by /u/PretendMarket.*
My boyfriend has mobility issues and uses either a wheelchair or crutches depending on his pain levels. I’ve done a lot of home improvement projects to ensure he can get around my house easily, including a wheelchair ramp up to my front door. My front door is really recessed from the street due to my lawn and hidden by my porch, so the ramp isn’t very visible from the street. I painted it to match the house as well.
Few months ago, a new family moved across the street and the wife’s never been very friendly with me like my other neighbors are, which I chalked up to her being shy or whatever. However, recently I got a note taped up to my door that said she’s going to sue if I don’t take the ramp down, as it’s an eyesore and “reduces curbside value.” I have no idea what she means since you can’t see the thing unless you know what to look for and really get up in my property, as confirmed by neighbors and friends.
She refused to answer the door when I went over to talk to her about it. I’m trying not to lose my temper over this but it’s hard. There’s been many times my boyfriend has been screwed over by so-called “handicap accessible” places, I don’t want my home to be one of them. Does she have any sort of case? I’m in Washington.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9rosy8/update_neighbor_threatened_to_sue_over_a/)
So I put up a bunch of cameras around my property and hung up a “Smile! You’re On Camera!” sign right after my first post. I also lit up the ramp some more, which I was already planning on doing because of trick-or-treaters.
I’m excited to say my neighbor’s husband personally came over to apologize to me, which I caught on camera. He claimed his wife is “stressed” over their new baby, which…okay…and promised not to bother us anymore. I suspect one of the neighbors I talked to read him the riot act. I accepted the apology but am keeping the number of a lawyer close by and the cameras are always rolling. Dislike being so paranoid but what are you going to do? | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jdpnu4/op_installed_a_ramp_at_his_houses_front_door_to/ | jdpnu4 | 2,202 | 300 | [
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2020-10-19T17:37:37 | OP's coworker will not stop making snide comments about OP's large boobs, despite OP continually and politely asking her to cut it out. When the coworker tells OP her Zoom feed looks like a porno, she's had enough. [Posted 5 months ago] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/giww2y/aita_for_blowing_up_at_my_friend_who_constantly/) is by /u/throwawaykilot.*
I have big boobs. I’m currently at 52kg and there’s nothing I can do to change the size of these things unless I have surgery. I’m also extremely shy and from a very conservative family so my resentment and shame towards my bust is an ongoing issue.
My friend *Sarah is one of those unfiltered free thinkers who says whatever is on her mind. She’s also slim and her chest is very much in proportion to the rest of her body. We work together and I’m always secretly jealous of how great shirts and tops look on her whereas I feel I look very sloppy and unprofessional with oversized, ill fitting clothes.
Sarah has this way of always bringing up my boobs in conversation, starting off complimentary but often ending with an subtle insult. She knows they’re a physical feature I’m uncomfortable with but doesn’t let up. Examples of things she’ll say is how my boobs look good now but give it a few years, and they’ll be down to my knees, hahaha! Or she’ll show me comments on reddit where people are discussing chest size preferences and most are commenting how they much prefer a smaller bust over large. Or just a general reminder of how work or men will never take me seriously because of my ‘cartoon boobs’. I know she’s trying to have lighthearted fun but it gets to me and I’ve told her a few times to drop it before.
Now we’re working from home, we all have daily video calls and meetings. Uniform is not necessary and can wear what we like. A few days ago, it was extremely hot and I was wearing a lighter, more revealing top than my usual baggy coverups. During this video call, in front of 6 other colleagues, Sarah starts vocalising her thoughts on my appearance: *‘Holy shit! Put those away! You look like you’re in a porno. We don’t need to see that first thing in the morning, hahaha.’* I was mortified. One other colleague laughed along but the rest looked uncomfortable. I felt close to tears, made an excuse and left the meeting. Sarah called me up half an hour later asking me what was wrong and I went off on her. Told her to go fuck herself and was sick of her constant jabs about my appearance. I went on a 10 minute tirade and hung up. Sarah has been off sick since that day and we haven’t spoken again. I’m wondering if I was too harsh and maybe should call and apologise for my outburst? Was I TA?
**Edit:** I’m fuming. I just spoke with a colleague, *John, (who was part of the video call that day) and he told me that Sarah’s been telling everyone that it’s ME that’s been bullying her and making her feel insecure about her appearance. When she made those comments during the meeting, it was in retaliation to how I’ve made her feel. Apparently, I said she looks like a boy and called her flat chested and ugly several times in the past. I have NEVER and would never say this! I don’t even understand the stupid ‘boy body’ insult because a small bust has always looked very beautiful and classy in my eyes. Anyway, John knows she’s full of shit and has suggested we speak with HR. The others will also back me up. I know most people here suggested I do this and I wasn’t sure at first but fuck it, I’m reporting her. I don’t know why I ever considered her a friend, she’s fucking mental and annoying.
**Edit 2:** I now feel stupid for even asking the question AITA. I thought I may have been at one point because the video call was amongst mostly work mates rather than clients and I wasn’t sure if my sensitivity towards my body image made me overreact to a joke that could have been innocent (I now realise it wasn’t).
I’ve also spoken to another coworker who is closer to Sarah and she thinks Sarah may have already reported me to HR. She said the phone conversation we had after the meeting was filled with abusive bullying language and physical threats. It wasn’t a pleasant phone call but the worst thing I said was she go fuck herself and that I don’t want to speak to her again. The rest of the conversation was just rehashing all the comments she made about my body and how it made me feel. She also claimed that I have been making inappropriate jokes about her appearance and work ethic(?) through the years and this confrontation was a long time coming. She also suggested that I’ve convinced the guys in the office to take my side by being a flirt and a tease (did I mention that I’m stupidly shy?)
My head is swimming and I think I may be dealing with an actual psycho. I don’t know how it’s come to this ridiculous level of craziness. All I wanted to do was get on with my fucking work in peace and get through this crappy time but now I have to deal with this bullshit.
**Update:** Just to answer a few questions I’ve seen:
* I’ve contacted HR with my complaint. I have a lot of old text messages and emails with comments and memes Sarah has sent making fun of my chest size. John and other colleagues are fully supporting me as well as my manager. It will take a while for them to get back to me but I’m confident that things will be sorted and Sarah will be dealt with.
* My breasts alone aren’t 52kg (114lbs). My overall weight is 52kg. I mentioned this because my chest seems much larger on my small frame making clothes that others wear and look nice in, look completely gaudy and cheap on me. I can’t lose anymore weight to make a difference on my bust size. I won’t get surgery but I have been working on my body image issues which my shyness and upbringing did a number on. People’s comments don’t usually devastate me as they once did but Sarah obviously tried her best to break me down.
* Thank you to all for clothing suggestions. I will definitely look into tailoring some tops and have spent some time checking out Bravissimo which looks great.
* In hindsight, I should have confronted Sarah more sternly in the past but I guess I was trying to avoid conflict. Others have suggested I may have allowed her to gaslight me which may be true. I just want to move on at this point.
**Update 2:**
The coworker (*Lucy), who keeps in contact with Sarah and told me earlier that Sarah may have reported me to HR, has just phoned to tell me that Sarah has suffered a serious panic attack. Lucy does not want to take sides but has suggested I reconsider taking drastic action. Sarah is too unwell to talk to me herself but has asked I drop my complaint and she will drop hers, citing the whole thing as a misunderstanding and stress-induced disagreement.
I have had panic attacks before in my life and I seriously felt like I was going to die. It’s a horrible feeling and if Sarah has honestly just had one herself, I don’t want to push her too far. I still want to address her comments over the video call but I’m wondering if I should just drop the other complaints. Sarah has asked to move teams so we don’t directly work with one another but it doesn’t seem she wants to apologise yet. And just to clarify to people who assume I was wearing a bikini top or boob tube during the meeting, I wasn’t. It was a short sleeved plain tshirt which hugged my breasts more than my usual baggy tops.
I don’t like to hold grudges and I think getting her fired during a time like this may be a shitty thing to do. I feel she has already punished herself by displaying this fucked up behaviour to others and losing a lot of respect from coworkers. If we don’t ever have to interact with one another, I’m up for that. I have a suspicion that Sarah may have found this post and read it which I thought I would feel bad about but I really don’t care.
**Last Update:**
I’m not dropping any of the complaints. Sarah (fuck you Michelle) and I have spoken, and although it started off promising, she is mentally unhinged and without a conscience. I did not realise how deep her hatred runs. Not only did she mock all those things I had told her in confidence about the way my family treated me growing up, she accused me of fucking every guy from work to get ahead. Now I know where some of those fake office rumours about me came from. I’ve been such a naive idiot and allowed my shyness and aversion to conflict to stop me from fighting people who manipulate and walk all over me. I don’t need this misery in my life. If she’s reading this, get professional help immediately. I know you desperately fancy John and, as you said, despise the way he looks at me. I know it bothers you that he took my side and has been a great support. Maybe I will go for drinks with him when lockdown ends.
If I don’t make any new updates, just assume that the right person was reprimanded and faced the consequences of their words and actions.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gu2bpc/update_aita_for_blowing_up_at_my_friend_who/)
I took into account the advice offered and I thank you guys for your help.
HR meeting call with supervisor went well. The main incident in my original post wasn’t recorded but all six colleagues wrote a statement confirming what Sarah had said and how inappropriate it was. I didn’t realise but John had also asked others who work with us if they, at any point, heard Sarah attack my character or physical appearance in a cruel or improper manner and if they did, would they be willing to write a statement. Apparently, she has been saying quite a few outrageous things behind my back and it seems that a lot of the hurtful office gossip about me did originate from her. I submitted a few examples of messages and emails, sent by Sarah during work hours, taking jokes about my appearance too far. I also included the messages where I asked her to stop causing attention at work as I’m extremely uncomfortable with others regarding me in that way. Her claims of my bullying her and calling her flat chested and ugly at work were dismissed as she couldn’t specify dates or find anyone to corroborate her story or even provide any examples of me ever being hostile or unprofessional. The phone call we had after the video team meeting where she claims I used threatening language against her was also disregarded as no recording was made and it was her word against mine; Luckily, I don’t think they believed her on this point as I’ve never displayed anything near the type of agressive behaviour she was accusing me of and my character references had me down as the quiet sort who gets on with work. While things were being reviewed, Sarah decided to quit. She’s still adamant that I bullied and threatened her and felt no choice but to leave the toxic environment I created. I’ve been reassured that there was no wrongdoing on my part except that I should’ve reported things much sooner when inappropriate comments first started. From what I gather, Sarah’s general behaviour at work has raised concerns for a while and I wasn’t the first to complain about her.
Some people were confused as to why I had considered her a friend in the beginning. When I joined the team 3 years ago, it was my first job out of uni and I was incredibly nervous but Sarah was the first to ask me questions and offer to hang out. She was a bit overbearing and rambunctious but I appreciated her efforts to get to know me and coax me out of my shell. We often did have a good laugh despite her sometimes making a joke at my expense but I tried not to take it to heart and occasionally reminded her to wind it in and be more considerate of my feelings. It’s only been during the past 8 or so months where she’s become especially rude and callous. I still referred to her as a friend of sorts but I never thought she would take things as far as she did.
**Edit:** Thanks to everyone for the kind words, advice and encouragement, it’s really blown me away. I stepped away to talk to John for a while and let him know what a great guy a lot of people think he is. His little smile was adorable.
Despite the misery at work I had to go through for a while, everything has turned out pretty amazing. I do love my job now that I can actually get on with it without the office drama. Finding out how my other coworkers feel about me has been incredibly reassuring and we’ve now set up a weekly virtual pub night. My outlook has improved massively and I’m taking steps to manage my anxieties and put aside past negativity. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/je6bvz/ops_coworker_will_not_stop_making_snide_comments/ | je6bvz | 12,358 | 461 | [
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2020-10-20T00:33:11 | OP's paranoid and dangerous mother-in-law is suing for grandparents' rights. OP and his wife are on the same page, but unfortunately they're in NY, the state with the strongest grandparent protections. [Posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/aq9o11/mother_in_law_is_suing_for_visitation_ny/) is by /u/DarkseidHS.*
(Apparently it's good form to apologize when using mobile.)
Today I was served with papers to go to family court so my MIL can have visitation with my children.
A bit of backstory, my MIL is mentally unstable. She believes everyone is hacking her, me included. Shes extremely paranoid and tries to brainwash my kids, tells them I'm hacking her, that climate change is a hoax, Crystal's have healing power. (Admittedly the last 2 are no big deal, the first one is the huge deal.)
The wife and her mother had a falling out over the accusing me of being hacked into her phone. My MIL expressed interest in seeing the kids, we told her if she wanted to see our children, she had to do so under our supervision.
She then began gaslighting my wife by telling her me and my wife both have borderline personality disorder and told this to the entire family.
Does my MIL have any right to take my children out of my supervision? Does she have a case? Should I get a lawyer? If I should get a lawyer, how can I get one if I'm broke? Any and all advice would be extremely helpful.
**Additional comment from OP**
I have a text directly from my wife to my MIL that says we are not comfortable with having her take the kids alone and if she wanted to see them she had to do so with our supervision.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/bnoqh1/update_mother_in_law_suing_for_visitation_in_ny/)
We went to court for our initial hearing in February. I asked for dismissal citing Troxel V. Granville. The judge agreed that we were within our rights, however she couldn't grant a dismissal because my MIL requested an attorney. The judge advised she didnt qualify for an appointed lawyer so she should seek representation through elder law. My MIL begins raising her hands and waving them around asking if she could be allowed to speak. She states in court that me and my wife bully, abuse, belittle, and swear around the children constantly. The first 3 are outright lies and the 4th, so fucking what? She also stated that she never mentioned once being hacked or being obsessed that she was hacked, and that my oldest daughter was the one obsessed with hacking and spying. The judge made no comments and advised her that we weren't keeping her away from the children and that she should seek relief by visiting them under our supervision.
Fast forward to a week before the hearing we have to meet with the kaw guardian for the children. We show the law guardian all the insane conspiracy theory texts and the texts where she accuses me of hacking her phone. She spoke with the children and we took our leave. The paperwork we received stated that my MIL showed her a much different conversation. My MIL had deleted the texts that made her look bad and copy pasted several from my wife that made my wife look like a bully and that she was harassing my MIL. The children outright denied any bullying/abuse and stated to the law guardian that my MIL makes them uncomfortable because she is constantly yelling at them, when they want to leave she wont them go and she wont stop talking about who is hacking her. So obviously she supports our position.
In the hearing my lawyer asked for dismissal, and requested we be paid our legal fees by MIL as the petition was brought in bad faith. My MILs appointed attorney couldnt withdraw and refile an amended petition because MIL wouldnt let her so the judge dismissed and awarded us our legal fees.
I havent seen the judgement yet but it's my understanding that it was dismissed with prejudice. However my MIL doesnt live in reality and is going to file another petition alleging that I've brainwashed my children. I wish that were true, they never listen to me. So I may have another update for you all shortly, but for now I'll enjoy my victory. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jeeq5l/ops_paranoid_and_dangerous_motherinlaw_is_suing/ | jeeq5l | 3,968 | 288 | [
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2020-10-20T17:49:00 | Months after euthanizing a beloved cat, OP is shocked to find photos of her cat posted online by an employee of the vet's office, implying OP is a negligent pet owner. [Posted about a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/dx52lm/my_cat_was_euthanized_a_few_months_ago_a_month/) is by /u/rebel_nature.*
I don't necessarily want to take any legal action, but I was advised to at least get some legal perspective on this and how to go about reporting it.
In July my cat suddenly became very unwell with trouble breathing. We took her to an emergency vet where she was put on antibiotics. We then made an appointment at her regular vet clinic for the followup, where she had some tests done. She was diagnosed with a heart murmur, which may have been due to some kind of infection. It was decided she had an ovarian infection due to the blood test results so she had surgery to be spayed (we bought her "spayed" but she clearly wasn't). They found a huge cyst and removed that during the procedure, and we hoped that was the end of it and that we'd be able to monitor the heart murmur. A week later she deteriorated very rapidly and couldn't breathe. We took her straight to the vet where she was euthanized because she was in a really bad way. It was horrific, I've had a hard time dealing with it. I'm housebound the majority of the time and she was my constant companion, so I was very close with my pet. All my friends and family know that I've struggled with her loss and coming to terms with it. Her specific breed is known to have heart defects that can make them suddenly deteriorate, so I got support from other people with the same breed who had gone through the exact same thing.
Flash forward to today and I'm casually looking at reviews of our vet clinic on Google, when I see photos of MY cat. They are photos taken by someone else where she is inside the vet clinic. The review is a 5 star review, saying the clinic is great but that it isn't for emergencies and people shouldn't "get mad when they've refused to get proper care for their animals", and have come there wanting "cheap medical attention and prescriptions". I recognized the reviewers other pictures on other reviews as one of the nurses at the clinic.
I don't know why she said these things. Nobody ever got mad about anything and we didn't ever have any problems with paying for anything. We didn't even get a prescription for her from this clinic either.
Seeing the photos had me in a panic, thinking my cat was still alive and with somebody else, so I was Googling if euthanasia can be faked, before I realized who it was that posted the photos and that they were taken inside the clinic, so it's unlikely somebody else had her at any point. I was still really upset by the review, since an employee used photos they took of my pet before she died and used them to write some negative, fabricated narrative that is clearly directed towards the owner (me).
How should I go about reporting this? Should I contact the clinic directly and speak to whoever is managing it that day? Should I be asking them for the details to speak to the owner of the clinic (small chain clinic)? Is any of this actually punishable?
**Edit**: I've finally written a more in-depth comment about the course of events leading to my cat's euthanasia, just to make it clear that the review about me being "cheap" and not getting "proper care" for her is completely false. Here is a copy of the review with a few words changed/corrected so it can't be Google searched as easily, since I don't want the review being reported until I've been able to take action:
>"This isn't an emergency clinic, do not wait 2 days to take your pet here because your cheap. Doctor and staff are great and realistic in all matters. Do not get mad when you denied your pets proper care and then you expect cheap medical attention n medication. Have been a fan of this clinic since 2014 and still going strong."
**Comment from OP with backstory**
I haven't called yet just because they're closed on the weekend. The vet we deal with is a very down-to-earth guy who I really can't imagine having said anything to influence the nurse to post this, and the other employees I met seemed nice enough and were apologizing for our loss the last time we were there with our other cat (just over 2 weeks ago). It frustrates me that they act like we didn't seek emergency care when we did. To give a full timeline of how things went since I was quite vague in my original post so it didn't end up just being a lot:
The cat began having breathing problems out of nowhere while my husband was away on a trip. With me having agoraphobia and not driving I went into panic mode. His sister ended up coming to pick me and the cat up at 1am to take us to the 24 hour emergency vet, which was horrendous for my panic attacks with me not ever leaving the house with anyone but my husband in almost 6 years, but I needed to make sure the cat was okay. We waited until 4 am, by which time the cat was acting completely normal with no breathing issues whatsoever. We were told it'd still be another hour at least before we were seen, so we left thinking maybe she'd just had a hair ball or something since she would groom the other cats a lot.
A week later, my husband was home and the cat began breathing funny again. We took her to a different emergency vet, this time around 6pm, and she was seen straight away. We were told she had a heart murmur, but that she also had tapeworm as a result of a flea bite she'd received a couple of months ago that we'd noticed, so she was put on parasite medication and antibiotics. We schedule our follow-up appointment for a week later with our regular vet, the one that has the review with photos of my cat. They said the tapeworm may be what is making the heart murmur worse so hopefully getting rid of them would help, but that heart murmurs are common in this breed (which I already knew).
Besides hating the antibiotic and going off food, the cat didn't have any issues during that week so we thought everything was fine. We took her to her appointment where her heart murmur was still fairly bad and she had some blood tests done which came back abnormal and are usually seen in a cat with an ovarian infection. We said we'd bought her as a spayed cat 5+ years ago, but we'd realized she might not be spayed after all. They said they'd do the surgery and find out and that getting rid of this possible infection may also help with her heart, so we scheduled her to be spayed the next day.
She was found not to be already spayed, so they spayed her and they found a huge ovarian cyst during the surgery. They showed me photos of the cyst when we picked her up. She also had a mark on her head which they said was from her rubbing on the cage when coming around from sedation. That mark is on her head in the photos posted in the "review", so the photos could have been taken right before I picked her up.
We took her back in a few days later because I was concerned about the stitches. They took her in the back to check them, which is also when the photos may have been taken. They said her stitches were fine, she seemed great, her lungs sounded normal, her heart murmur didn't seem to be as apparent, and she'd even put on some weight.
Before the appointment we had scheduled for her stitches removing, she suddenly took a really bad turn. She could barely breathe, her lungs were so full of fluid you could hear it rattling around with every breath, and she was collapsing and unable to get up. We knew she'd need putting down because it seemed like her heart and lungs were giving up. When she was euthanized it was just me in the room with the vet and a technician. So much fluid poured out of her when her diaphragm gave way, the vet was shocked and told me I did the right thing because it was "clearly very severe". We ruled that she likely had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, which is really rampant in this breed of cat and I spoke to a lot of other owners who had the exact same experience with the exact same symptoms.
So, with all of this, I don't know why this person would write that I was "cheap" and "didn't get proper care" for my cat because I "wanted cheap treatment and prescriptions". I've been hurt by a lot of things, but this review is definitely up there as one of the most hurtful things I've experienced, especially with how much her death affected me and is still something I'm dwelling on every day.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/dzwr3d/update_my_cat_was_euthanized_a_few_months_ago_a/)
So after we saw that horrid review written by the vet tech (Jane), accompanied by photos of our cat months after we'd had her euthanized, I spoke to the vet clinic's president and let him know I was considering reporting an employee there. He listened to me, then called the clinic to speak to our vet about it and get more information before calling me back. He didn't understand much of what I was explaining to him since he's an older man who doesn't get on the internet, so we arranged to all meet at the clinic so he could look at everything and see what the explanation for it all was. There were multiple calls between him and me and him and the clinic, so meeting in person would make it easier anyway. Here's what happened at the vet's:
We got there and Jane was the one who greeted us, which was pretty weird. In the corridor was the President of The Company (Dr. B). He was really welcoming and asked us to come into a room and sit down. So there was me, my husband, Dr. B, Jane and our regular vet (Dr. No) sat in this little room in a circle.
Dr. B starts out by saying he's sorry we've all had to come together to talk but that he doesn't understand social media etc. so it was just easier for us all to sit down together and discuss it rather than going back and forth over the phone.
Dr. No says he apologizes for what has happened but he doesn't really know what they can do to make things right, and he's wondering why I went to Dr. B rather than coming directly to him.
My husband starts talking about protocol and how, normally, things like this within companies like theirs (he works in a similar industry) have a policy that means if you take photos inside the facility as an employee and talk about clients on a public platform then you're instantly terminated.
I explain that I contacted Dr. B as I really like this vet clinic and wasn't filing a complaint against the clinic as a whole, but just against Jane, so I had contacted Dr. B so he could take an impartial look into things and take action if he felt he needed to without having any kind of tie to Jane and to separate her from his company. If I had called Dr. No he may have tried to brush it under the rug and protected her more, since they work together closely, whereas Dr. B only worked at the other facility and didn't know Jane.
Dr. No says he understands, and that Jane feels bad about it all.
Jane says she apologizes and that there was no malicious intent there, but that the photos were on her "cloud" with all her other photos, which she's sure I saw when I looked through her photos, so that's why I saw my cat there and that it's technically an invasion of her privacy that I've now seen photos of her with her family (???)
I tell her that the review IS malicious and, even if it wasn't directed towards me, it is still unprofessional and shows malice towards customers at her place of work.
Dr. B agrees that it's unacceptable, but that the photos were attached to the review which makes it seem directed towards us, and the review itself is unprofessional and shouldn't have been posted to begin with.
My husband explains the shock of seeing a photo of our cat posted months after she died, when they were not photos we've taken or seen before, so we momentarily thought someone had her and she hadn't been euthanized after all.
Dr. No said that it sounds like we're questioning his ethic by thinking he'd allow something like that to happen.
I explain that it was just a couple of minutes of thinking irrationally, but that I was there when she was euthanized so I soon realized that couldn't have been the case, but it was just the momentary shock of seeing those photos on the review that had me panicking and Googling whether euthanasia could be faked with the use of sedatives.
Dr. B defends me, telling Dr. No that it was a completely natural response and he'd have probably had the same response had it been him this happened to.
Dr. No then went on to explain that, by the time he looked at the review, the photos weren't there, so I showed him timestamped screenshots showing that the photos were removed during the phone conversations with Dr. B/Dr. B's phone calls with them, but he said Jane didn't delete them and he never saw these photos.
Dr. B says that it doesn't even matter, the photos were there either way, he believes me when I say they were deleted at some point during one of our calls on Monday, and that it's not right so it needs to be fixed within the company and they need to figure out how to make things right with us so that we can go home feeling satisfied.
Dr. No says we should have just called him, and that at first he thought Dr. B was talking about the appointment we just went to a few weeks ago with our other cat, and that I had a complaint against him for malpractice, before finding out it was all about social media and a complaint against Jane.
I ask Jane how long she's worked there, and she says since 2014. I say that, in that case, she definitely worked there when she posted that review, whether she posted it a few years ago like she claims or posted it a month ago, and that it isn't right that she posted it acting like she's a customer.
She says she is an employee but is also a customer so she can write a review.
I tell her that it might be considered illegal to write a review about your place of work that can potentially affect commerce (which someone pointed out in the original post comments). I then say that it also means she was an employee when she wrote her comment on Facebook under a fake profile, in response to someone else's negative review.
She acted shocked and disgusted and said she has no such FB account or knowledge of what I'm talking about.
I hand my screenshots to Dr. No showing a negative review on their FB page with a comment response from someone named "NU NU", with no profile picture, and show that when you click the profile for "NU NU" it shows a URL with Jane's full name in it, so either that's her or this is some elaborate and very bizarre scheme by someone else.
Dr. No sits staring at it for a while while Dr. B has me explain what a URL is and why her name would be in it (I tell him when you sign up for FB you enter your name and it creates a custom URL for you, so hers is her name with "336" at the end).
Dr. No suddenly says NU NU is actually a customer at a different facility so it can't be Jane.
Me and Dr. B look at each other and roll our eyes, and he scoffs at this weird claim of "NU NU" not being a fake name for a fake account/being the name of some other "customer".
I tell them there is also a review written this year on Yelp by Jane, so she demands to see it. I show her and she justifies it as her just giving the hours of the clinic and what treatments they offer. I tell her that isn't all it says and that she needs to not be writing positive reviews for her place of work to begin with.
I explain that I recommend this clinic to people on a weekly basis. My cat had her own social media page, I'm in a lot of local pet groups, and she's been seen by a lot of people in the area so if they looked up this clinic on my recommendation then saw this negative review with pictures of my cat attached, they would recognize her as my cat and assume that I'm a bad owner who didn't care for her properly as it says in the review attached to her photos.
Dr. No says that it will all be taken care of, everything will be deleted, and they'll do a better job of managing their social media etc. but that it's a shame I called Dr. B rather than him.
Dr. B says he's happy we all came and sat down together, because being in front of each other helps you know if someone is being honest, and looking them in the eyes you can tell if they're being sincere. The way he says it comes across as a dig at somebody.
Jane leaves the room and we all shake hands, but Dr. B tells me "I just want you to know you can call me any time. I honestly do appreciate that you reached out to me over this and gave us a chance to make this right, and I'll tell you now that I'm not satisfied with this outcome at all. I'm not happy with this conclusion and we've got some things to figure out here."
Dr. No starts going on again about how it will all be deleted, that he doesn't look at the online stuff, meanwhile Dr. B is beside me looking like he wants to say something to me.
Dr. B finally taps me while Dr. No is still talking to my husband, cutting him off, and says "I need you to know that I don't buy it. I feel like we're being bullshitted and I'm really not happy. I was feeling like I was going to explode during all of that because I'm so mad, so I need you to know that I'm with you on this and I think we're being lied to here and I'm not okay with that." Dr. No looked pretty uneasy about Dr. B not being happy with the way it was handled/that he wasn't convinced by his and Jane's responses.
We then left.
TL;DR Jane had excuses, Dr. No was defending her, and Dr. B was not buying any of it so what happened after we left is anyone's guess. I think Dr. B was looking to fire that girl after he saw and heard everything but Dr. No was trying to keep her there. I left feeling annoyed that she didn't seem to get any punishment, but happy that Dr. B was with me and didn't buy into what they were saying, which was my biggest fear. Hopefully I'll hear from him again and he'll be telling me she was scolded after we left at least. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jeunhh/months_after_euthanizing_a_beloved_cat_op_is/ | jeunhh | 17,955 | 320 | [
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2020-10-21T18:48:05 | Just found out my best friend has been secretly dating my ex for months | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i32pxe/just_found_out_my_23m_best_friend_23m_has_been/) by u/ThrowRA8653568*
&nbsp;
Throwaway because I use my main for gaming subs and don’t want this on my history
Cassie and I were together for 5 years. We started dating in high school and stayed together through college, moved in together after graduation. I’ve been in love with her since before our first date. She’s amazing. I still think so.
We were talking about marriage and starting a family soon. Then one day a few months ago Cassie wanted to “talk,” sat me down, and said she decided she doesn’t want kids. She didn’t just mean not now but not ever. She talked a lot about overpopulation or climate change or whatever but I was just immediately depressed. I’ve always wanted to be a dad. My dad was a piece of shit and this is something I’ve wanted to do ever since I was still a kid myself.
When she finished talking I told her it was over. She started crying and I was already crying, but fuck. If she doesn’t want the same thing I do from the future what else can I do? She said she’s been thinking this way for years and corona was the last straw. I’m not going to wait around and hope she changes her mind when she might not.
So I moved out and moved in with my best friend “Ryan”. We’ve been friends forever, like we bonded over Pokemon cards at the playground kind of thing. He’s basically my brother and his mom was my extra mom since I didn’t have much at home growing up.
I was in a hurry to move out so I didn’t take much stuff with me, and then I didn’t want to go back to the apartment and see Cassie, so Ryan was doing the good friend thing and going to get stuff for me whenever I needed it. At least that’s what I thought he was doing.
Yesterday would have been me and Cassie’s 6th anniversary and it was really rough for me, so I told Ryan I didn’t want to be alone and wanted to hang out and game all day with him. He agreed and everything, but he was kind of distracted on his phone a lot, and after a couple hours he said “something came up” and just left me there alone.
Shit got dark. I’m not ashamed to say I cried. There were reasons I didn’t want to be alone that day.
Almost midnight last night, Ryan finally came home and was acting weird so I asked what was up. I thought maybe his mom was sick or something, she’s a teacher at a school that just reopened.
But no Ryan sits me down and tells me he’s moving out. He’s been secretly dating Cassie since a few weeks after we split. He says they’re in love already and that she needs him more than I do, so he’s moving into the apartment with her and leaving me here alone to rot.
I don’t even know how the fuck to process this. I don’t know which one of them has broken me more. To make things worse I messaged some of our other friends this morning to tell them what’s up and they already knew. When I got upset they all said it was “no big deal” because I’m the one who broke up with Cassie.
Where do I even go from here? I can’t talk to my friends, my ex broke my heart, my best friend stomped on it, and the closest thing I have to family is gone because they were his family too. I’m lost and don’t know where else to turn.
UPDATE: bigger shit to worry about than my broken heart i guess. ryan texted me. i'm about to be homeless in a pandemic
Update2: thanks so much to everyone reaching out. my inbox is blowing up but i'm kinda focused on this housing thing first. i'll catch up when i can. sorry.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ih3qov/update_just_found_out_my_23m_best_friend_23m_has/)
I kind of debated if I’d post an update on this or not. It’s been a few weeks and some stuff has happened, but as the post blew up I got a good number of really shitty comments that informed me I was a worthless piece of shit, that I should beat up my ex girlfriend, or alternately that I was probably already some kind of horrible abuser who hated her and wanted to control her body.
I also got a ton of love, support, PMs offering connections on housing, and more, but being I was already in a dark and desperate place, those other comments really twisted the knife. I had to spend some time away not just fixing my shit but also avoiding that stuff, because it was really not making me want to move forward. For anyone who’s reading this while in the middle of a situation, wondering if you should post your story, my advice is: don’t. Wait till you have some distance, or it’s just going to make things worse.
One thing I want to clarify here, since a few people swung for the fences based on what I posted: I don’t hate Cassie. I don’t think she shouldn’t move on. I don’t blame her for dating someone else after I broke up with her. I do have a lot of anger still thinking about this. All that anger is at Ryan. That’s it. Ryan is the one who lied to me and went behind my back, not Cassie. My post pretty clearly stated that I think Cassie is an awesome human being. Still think so. Period. We just wanted different things.
So, actual updates.
Shortly after I posted, Ryan texted me to say that he’d planned to give me a month to find somewhere else to live, but since I “couldn’t be happy for them” he wanted me out by Friday. Looking back on it, I kinda think this was his plan all along. Cassie’s parents own the apartment I lived in with her, so we paid bills on it but no rent. Ryan’s apartment was expensive and his parents still paid some of his bills there, so I suspect he was looking for an excuse to break his lease and get in on that free rent instead.
But I have a place to live now. Reddit helped me out after all, in a weird way. A couple days after I posted, this guy TJ hit me up on FB (hey TJ) with the link to my post asking if it was me. TJ and I weren’t close friends before all this, but he recognized some of the details.
Skipping some back and forth, it turns out Ryan lied to all our mutual friends about the situation. Apparently he hooked up with Cassie the first time about a week after we split up. He asked some of our friends what to do and they all told him to make sure I was cool first thing. He then told them he had talked to me and that I was happy for him. So, when I started freaking out a couple months later, my friends all thought I was “going crazy out of nowhere” over something I’d known about for months.
Once they found out what really happened, I got a lot of apology texts. Some of them I’ve accepted. Some are still on read. A couple of guys offered me crash space or help moving, and I wound up staying with TJ, but only till I could find somewhere else.
My days of living in places without my name on a lease are over. Learned my lesson there. I found a roommate looking for a place through Craigslist and we signed the lease last week. Moving from TJ’s happens this weekend.
Ryan is blocked out of my life. I probably forgot some of my stuff at either his place or Cassie’s, but it’s whatever. I can get new stuff. I can get new friends. More than anything else this situation made me realize the importance of having stable, independent housing and not counting on anyone else to do the right thing by me. I have to have my own back in life, not rely on others.
That’s about all I’ve got. It’s nothing dramatic, I guess. No one was hit by a car, got pregnant, or turned out to be cheating. But I’ve never been so glad to have a roof over my head and a bed to come back to. I’m going to keep going from here, keep working on life, and I’m sure as hell going to be taking a break on the dating front. That’s all there is to do. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jfizar/just_found_out_my_best_friend_has_been_secretly/ | jfizar | 7,679 | 380 | [
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2020-10-22T14:07:40 | OP and their coworkers are informed by their boss that child-free employees will now be working an additional 40 hours a week (for a total of 80 hours) for no extra pay to make things easier on employees with children. | Childfree | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/jf3a7y/when_being_child_free_gets_you_extra_40_hoursweek/) is by /u/Throwaway_LIVID. Special thanks to /u/eat-reddit-tv for sending this to me.*
I need a place to rant and I'm so grateful for having this sub. I'm also using a throwaway for privacy reasons as I'm about to throw shade.
Background: I work for a huge corporation and am a salaried employee (relevant later). My job is very project based and each employee works on their own projects most of the time.
Today, our department manager booked a team meeting to discuss "upcoming changes". Cool, no problem. At this meeting, we're presented with a memo outlining the changes in hours to be worked for November (possibly longer) as follows:
Mandatory 8-8 work days every day including Saturdays (Sundays possible if deemed neccessary) EXCEPT for team members who have children: their hours will remain 9-5 Monday-Friday.
Manager finishes going over this and asks "any questions?". YES I HAVE A QUESTION. IN WHAT WORLD DID YOU THINK THIS WOULD BE OK??? She explains that due to the situation in the last few months, "we've" fallen behind in projects as team members have to take care of their kids and work at the same time, so "we have to pick up the slack". Me again: Based on our status meeting yesterday, the team members without kids are all on track with their projects, with many of us consistently finishing days before our deadlines. So are you telling me that those of us who don't have kids have to work an additional 40 hours a week to complete projects for team members who won't even be helping finish the said projects??? She responds with "I'm struggling to understand why this is such a big issue for you". EXCUSE ME, WHAT? I ask my fellow child free team members if they're ok with this, all of them say NO. The ones with kids are completely silent of course. I tell her that it's absolutely insane that she thinks this is even close to being ok. She just blinks at me. Then I ask her if she will also be working these hours with us? Of course it's a NO, she has a child (a fucking 18 year old mind you)... I was ready to throw my laptop through the window at this point. She then just ends the meeting. I'M FUMING!
I regroup with my fellow child free team and we agree that this isn't about to happen. I email the manager right after to let her know that we will be requesting a meeting with HR and Legal department to discuss our employment contracts and hours we're being forced to work simply because we don't have kids. I know damn well that this is fucking insane and against all employment policies within the company.
She proceeds to call me and tell me there is no need to go to HR/Legal and we can resolve this "internally". BITCH NO WE CAN'T! You dismissed me and didn't even bother to listen to 12 other team members you plan to work to death without any sort of additional compensation. She then says "well you're salaried so there's no need for additional compensation"... If only I had the ability to choke her through the phone... I collect myself and tell her, in the most professional way I could muster, that we can discuss this with HR/Legal and I end the call.
I proceeded to book a meeting with my child free team, Manager, and HR/Legal for tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm downing a bottle of wine to calm myself. I might end up unemployed tomorrow, but I'm NOT letting this go. This is the hill I will die on!!! End rant.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/jfmth1/update_when_being_child_free_gets_you_extra_40/?utm_medium=usertext&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=childfree&utm_content=t3_jf3a7y)
Before I get into the good stuff, I need to say thank you to everyone who commended/awarded/DMed on my original post. I was baffled by the number of comments this morning. Y'all are amazing!!! ❤ I've been reading your comments throughout the day, but couldn't respond as the post was locked (per the Mod, post exceeded # of comments limit).
Some users asked what I do for work: I have to give a vague answer to this for privacy reasons. I work in the Regulatory Compliance department and our job is to monitor and enforce internal policies and laws/regulations at all levels within the company.
Almost everyone requested an update, so I really hope this lives up to the hype. The meeting took place first thing this morning with the Manager, head of HR, another HR Manager, two Labor Law Attorneys (from Legal dept.), head of my dept. (Legal invited him on the fly this morning) and 13 CFs (12 coworkers and me). I started the meeting by explaining "why we've gathered here today" (head of my dept. was dumbfounded, he clearly had NO IDEA what the Manager tried to pull). Legal went through the "rules" of discussion (wait your turn to speak and such).
I was first to make my case and my approach was simple: show proof, show policy, explain why the policy was violated and therefore can't be enforced. BORING, yes I know, but if that didn't work, I had other points on reserve to bring up (side note, I really wanted to go all out and lose my filter and say what I really was thinking, but as we know that would get me nowhere)... So I presented the Manager's memo and company's overtime policy, which clearly states that mandatory overtime must be: 1) mandatory for ALL MEMBERS of the department (hourly and salaried), 2) ALL MEMBERS must work equal number of OT hours, and 3) must be approved by the head of the dept. If any of these conditions are not met, management can't impose it, and should ask for volunteers to work OT instead... My argument was simple: Manager didn't follow the policy and purposefully targeted the CFs.
Highlights of the shit show that followed: - Legal asked head of my dept. if he approved the memo- Answer was an angry NO (I could tell he was LIVID at the Manager). In my head, I'm laughing my A off - Legal asks Manager for her side of the story. Answer "I wasn't aware of this policy". I interject with "I find that hard to believe when 3 weeks ago we did an extensive review with that policy being the main objective and you were heavily involved with each step." Head of HR chimes in with "I can attest to that, I worked with the Manager on this project. Let's be truthful please." In my head I'm screaming TAKE THAT BITCH -Manager says "Well I didn't think policy would apply in this case."... Y'ALL!!! It took all my will-power not to cuss her out, all of a sudden her memory came back and NOW she's aware of the policy??? Legal stepped in with "Are you saying that you, the Manager responsible for enforcing policies, honestly thought that those same policies don't apply to you?". AAAAHHHHHHHH YES!!! Head of my dept. stepped in with (to Manager, still angry AF) " You were blatantly wrong here. There's no need to try and justify it"...
This is obviously very summarized, but the jist is there. Round 1 was a win! Next were some of the CFs who shared emails between them and her, showing your standard shitty manager behaviors and lack of accountability. She just kept repeating "that's not why we're here today". It didn't stop them from going on though. This was very enjoyable to watch.
Then, one of the other CFs asked to speak and let me tell you, this guy showed up with RECEIPTS!!! He spent the entire night creating an analysis, fucking pie charts and all, to illustrate how many projects were done by the 13 CFs as compared to the 19 non-CFs, how much time was put in by us vs. them, how much vacation/sick time was approved for us vs. them, for the last year!!! I WAS SHOOK!! His analysis showed that 13 of us did close to 60% of all the work while 19 of them did 40ish. Don't even get me started on the rest of the stats. This guy WIPED THE FLOOR WITH THE MANAGER. I hope he gets a raise, because he's my hero. Her response? "This company promotes work-life balance and wants families to have time to spend with each other so it's normal that employees with kids get time to do just that". I couldn't hold back. Me: Yes, you're absolutely right that the company does that. What you're lacking here is the understanding that family includes other people, not just children. In case you were unaware, ALL OF US HAVE FAMILIES TOO!"... HR interjected with "I believe we have enough information here".
The CFs (myself included) were asked to leave the meeting, so they can deliberate, and we were told they'll circle back with us later in the afternoon.
Later comes around, we're invited to a meeting. This time it's all the same people, but no Manager... Head of my dept. apologized that this ever happened, thanked us for "doing the right thing and bringing it to their attention", threw in a few company lines about equal treatment, yadda, yadda, and told us he will be taking over the managerial duties for the time being. Legal added that the memo is null and void and made it clear that we will NOT be working those insane hours. In case you're wondering, the Manager was offline for the rest of the day. We don't know what happened there. But who cares, WE WON!!!
Edit: I'm trying to keep up with the comments and read them all. I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!!! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jg0a54/op_and_their_coworkers_are_informed_by_their_boss/ | jg0a54 | 9,239 | 826 | [
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2020-10-23T18:10:39 | OP just wants to ask how he can legally stop his mother from installing a chastity belt on him, and is surprised to get the sanity check from r/legaladvice that his mother is dangerous and abusive, and he may be in a cult. [Posted 2 years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8b9prp/a_mother_trying_to_control_her_sons_alone_time/) is by /u/KuKsKeKa.*
I'm 15. My family is deeply religious. I respect that but sometimes, yknow, I'm 15, and I have to, you know, rub one out. I try not to but like... I can't concentrate on anything else if I don't. And like if I see a pretty girl it'll get worse. It basically feels like sleeping to me, if I don't do it I can't function. Idk if I'm normal or not. I'm definitely ashamed of it. But I'm not lying I promise. My mom doesn't believe me. My dad is out of the picture so I can't talk to him and ask him if this is a guy thing.
Anyway my mom has tried a lot of things to get me to stop. She took my door off, for example. She grounded me and stuff. I try to hide it so she gives up but now she's decided to get some kind of device and put it on me so that I can't touch myself. She seemed serious and it wouldn't be out of character for her. She also does other weird things like on Fridays we can't eat at all because of Jesus. I try to respect that but often times I go out on a bike ride and get food somewhere. I get hungry.
What I want to know is can I refuse to wear her device? I pretty much know I will lose my phone (she'll probably sell it so I can't get it back) and stuff if I refuse but I personally think that going a while without my phone is kinda fine. I want my grades go stay OK so that I can get into college and have some control over myself and I can't do that if I'm constantly hot and bothered by every girl I see cuz, well you know.
So yeah this is kinda embarrassing. I hope I don't need to share my personal information with anyone here. I live in ohio and go to a private school.
**COMMENTS FROM OP** *(edited and combined for length)*
We're not allowed to go to the doctor for religious reasons. My younger brother who is 13 broke his arm last year and had to go and he got in trouble for it.
[My school] is a real catholic school. Not run by people from my moms religion. I have 7 siblings, 2 brothers and 5 sisters. I don't know who our dad is. There are multiple people in our church involved but I'd rather not be too specific.
---
[**FIRST UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8brtfc/i_told_my_math_teacher_about_my_mother_and_she/)
I got my 13 year old brother after school yesterday and we went to see my math teacher. I didn't tell him all the details, but I told him my mother wanted too put a device on me to keep me from having sex, and my brother and I showed him the healed burn things like you guys suggested. At first he wanted to call our mom but that actually made my brother cry in fear so he didn't because I told him I'd run away and call the police if he did.
He called a bunch of people, and about an hour later the police and a bunch of other people showed up. Apparently they'd already been suspicious about our neighborhood. They talked to us away from eachother and I had to tell several people what happened, there was one lady who I told everything real specific. She was very nice and didn't make me feel ashamed at all.
We went back home with them and I showed the police where my mother kept drugs that I'm pretty sure we're illegal. She wasn't there but all my other 6 siblings who are home schooled were. Then they went down the street to where my mom and our preacher were and I don't know what happened but they arrested her i think for drugs and other stuff and someone else whose house they were at because they were doing drugs I think (that's what they usually do) but not the preacher. I think they're gonna look into it though.
There were a bunch of people and police who talked to all of us more and eventually they took us to a place where they said we'd stay for now. Like a shelter or something.
I should of done this year's ago, I feel really bad because I could have had my siblings taken better care of. I don't really know what's happening or gonna happen but the place I'm in now is way cleaner than I'm used to and we have clothes and stuff and food and we don't have to watch toddlers anymore. They weren't happy when they figured out stuff like the burns and that my 11 and 10 year old sisters can't read at all. They also weren't very happy with our house I could tell.
I hope we don't have to go back. And I hope it's ok to post this. Even tho I don't need advice anymore. Thank you to everyone who helped me.
---
[**SECOND UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8isshn/a_small_update_to_what_happened_to_me_and_my/)
Ive gotten a jillion messages from people offering everything from adoption to food to asking for updates so I thought I would tell you guys what ended up happening.the messages are still coming even now lol. I asked the people I am with if it was ok and they said yes but they made me let them read it first. It was kinda embarrassing but its ok. I kind of owe you all haha...
My mother was charged with several things and is in jail but I dont think they actually put her in for the crimes yet. Like she's waiting on the police to get evidence I think. As many of you guys thought the only people in my family allowed school was my brother and me. My second brother was 2 so I dont know if she would have let them put him in school. My sisters had to stay home. This wasnt weird to me because it was an all boys school.
They said I will never go back to my mom again and my siblings won't either. They also said what we were in was a cult. We were all in one big apartment building kind of thing. They said they weren't sure the cult itself was illegal. Just that some of the other stuff happening was. Drugs and that some of the stuff was probably sexual assault but I can't talk about it very much. Multiple people are in jail for it. Lots of people left and I think theyre looking closely at the pastor.
So its ok. Thank you all. I dont know if all 8 of us will stay together but we are safe now. Its weird but in a good way. I dont think I'll have any more updated for a long time but I'll try if anything happens that seems like a good idea. I've been on reddit more but on a different account so thats why I haven't posted much. Thank you all again.
---
[**FINAL UPDATE** *(deleted post recovered here)*](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a1ciob/update_the_police_figured_out_who_my_father_is/)
After countless messages of requests for an update on the preacher thing, I have a (small) update that I think a lot of people here predicted.
Our neighborhood and apartment building a lot of people from our religious lived was sort of taken over by the police in the past few months. Many people were arrested for drugs and dealing stuff that I dont know about all really. A lot of it was mostly kept out of the news because it is messy.
All 7 of my siblings and I are not all together any more, I cried a lot I think, but it is probably better because some of us needed alot of help. My preacher was the father of many children in our religion, including my brother and me and oen of my sisters. He is in jail like my mother, and I don't think that I will ever have to see him. I don't think I want to.
I am kind of sad because I was hoping secretly that I had a father out there but he is like my mother so I don't. If you guys want to ask me questions I will try to answer in the other thread in best of legal advice where I know this will be posted to. I can't answer everything especially because I do not want anyone to find me in the real world but I will answer questions.
I suppose I kind of always knew this but I didn't want it to be the truth. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jgsgop/op_just_wants_to_ask_how_he_can_legally_stop_his/ | jgsgop | 7,689 | 575 | [
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2020-10-24T16:14:01 | OP's daughter doesn't want to do forced sleepovers with her cousin anymore because they have nothing in common. OP's wife told her "you have no choice" and is now angry at OP for sticking up for the daughter. [Posted 5 months ago] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/grlu13/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_think_its_wrong/) is by /u/CloseCousins.*
My wife has two sisters and is close to both. Their mom died when they were young so they bonded over the loss and became very close. We have two kids. Chris (16M) and Kaylee (13F). My wife's old sister also has two kids. Owen (17M) and Emma (16F). They live about 5 minutes from us and our kids attend the same school. They have always hung out as a group of 3. My Chris and their Emma are a week apart in age and Owen is only a little over a year older so they grew up together and used to call themselves triplets. They are still quite close.
My wife's younger sister has a daughter, Gia, who is 3 months older than mine. The younger sister always made comments when our girls were babies about how she can't wait until they are the ages of the "big kids", meaning Chris, Owen, and Emma, because they'll be just as close. The problem is that Kaylee doesn't like hanging out with Gia and it's becoming more obvious as they get older that they are two different people. Kaylee likes soccer and video games. Gia isn't allowed to play video games and isn't interested in sports. Kaylee is a social butterfly and Gia is a homebody. All of this was manageable but Gia also has some more immature interest. She still enjoys playing with dolls and engages in pretend play. For example, when Kaylee goes over their house to sleepover she says Gia likes playing "school" or "mommies." Playing school means they set up all of the stuffed animals and pretend to teach them. Mommies is when they play with the baby dolls and pretend to be mommies.
I have nothing against pretend play and think it's nice that Gia doesn't feel pressured to grow up too fast but it's clear that Kaylee and her are on different wavelengths. Now that things are opening back up Gia's mom said she can't wait to have Kaylee over. Kaylee said she doesn't want to sleepover Gia's. She said she'll still interact with Gia at family events but doesn't want to sleepover there anymore or go over to play. This upset my wife a lot. She said Kaylee doesn't get a say. Later that night I told my wife I sided with Kaylee. I don't think she should be forced to hang out with Gia. My wife flipped and said that I am an only child so I will never understand her family values and how this isn't up for discussion. I told her that wasn't fair. Kaylee should get a say and she said that you don't get a say when it comes to family. We argued for a while before I told her that we would be having this discussion later and she didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. Was I the asshole? I haven't brought it up again but plan to unless I am totally in the wrong.
Edit: I thought I made this clear but will say it again because of the comments I am getting. Kaylee is not interested in hanging out with Gia other than for full family events. For example, we normally have dinner with my wife's sisters and dad every Sunday. Kaylee is fine hanging out with Gia then but doesn't want to beyond that.
Additional info: Other than her immature interest Gia is a normal 13 year old girl.
Edit: Gia does cry when she doesn't get her way and that's another reason Kaylee is no longer enjoying playing with her cousin. I wouldn't say it's tantrum behavior. Her mom and my wife think it's just hormones and normal but she locks herself in the bathroom until she pulls herself together. I should have mentioned that earlier but my wife and her sisters think it's normal teen girl stuff.
Edit: Sorry for so many edits. Just trying to paint a clearer picture. Last summer Gia and Kaylee hung out about 4 to 5 days a week. Now, this was normal for Chris, Emma, and Owen when they were 12/13. I would say they were over more often than that and had sleepovers most nights. They have a lot of the same friends since they go to the same school and play some of the same sports. My wife and younger sister are trying to recreate this with Kaylee and Gia but Kaylee doesn't want it. Again, she is okay with the weekly dinners but doesn't want the one on one "playdates" and sleepovers with Gia. I am getting a lot of heat over the word immature. All I meant by that is Kaylee, who stopped playing mommies a long time ago, sees it as immature. If Kaylee suggest another game then Gia cries and locks herself in the bathroom. To me that is childlike behavior but I do NOT think any less of Gia because of this. I do not dislike her. I love her like she is my own blood. I am very sorry for hurting people with the use of the word immature.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbo4gb/update_aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_dont_think/)
Recap: I made a post 3 weeks ago after getting into an argument with my wife. To make a long story short, my 13 year old daughter didn't want to hang out with her 13 year old cousin outside of our Sunday family dinners. She had nothing against her cousin but they have very different interest. My daughter, Kaylee, likes playing sports and video games and talking about boys. My niece, Gia, likes playing "mommies" and "school." Nothing wrong with that but Kaylee outgrew it and feels like they don't have much in common. To make things harder Gia get very upset if things aren't going her way (locking herself in the bathroom) and won't sleepover our house because she gets homesick so all sleepovers are at Gia's house.
Update: I talked to my wife about everything and she agreed she overreacted. She said that after he mom died she felt like it was her job to hold the family together. She is the middle child so she felt like she was the link between her two sisters. Their dad stressed to them how much they needed to stick together and that is where the weekly family dinners started. It was a way to bring everyone together. When my wife got pregnant with our son Chris at the same time her older sister got pregnant with her daughter Emma my wife said it felt like fate, especially since her older sister's son Owen would only be a little more than a year older than both kids. My wife said watching all 3 of them bond like they did made her proud because she knew it is what her mom would want. Even now the kids are close. My son slept over their house last night, they play some school sports together, have classes together, share some friends and sit at the same lunch table. When we found out we were having Kaylee only a few months after Gia was born my wife and her sister imagined the girls growing up together the same way the older 3 did. For a while they did but now that they are growing apart it has been hard on both my wife and her younger sister. When the older 3 were in middle school they hung out everyday in the summer but that was by choice and usually with a larger common friend group. I explained to my wife that this is different because we would be forcing Kaylee to miss out on time with her friends to spend with her cousin multiple times a week even though they have virtually nothing in common. My wife apologized to Kaylee and talked to her sister about giving the girls some time apart. We will still see them once a week for Sunday dinners but we aren't going to force it. My wife's sister was upset because Kaylee is Gia's only "friend" but said she will just have to spend more time with Gia to make her feel special. My wife and I feel bad but we want to make sure our daughter knows that she has the right to say no and have that be respected if she isn't comfortable with a situation even when it's family. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jhblif/ops_daughter_doesnt_want_to_do_forced_sleepovers/ | jhblif | 7,632 | 307 | [
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2020-10-24T16:23:51 | OP works in a bar and is horrified when several days' tips (between $400-500) is stolen from her. $300 of that was necessary to make rent, and she knows one of her coworkers must have done it. | TalesFromYourServer | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/jewuhv/my_fantastic_owner_an_update/) is by /u/ashleywhoa. Thanks to /u/lotharzbt for suggesting I post it.*
So i work at a small bar. I bought a server book off amazon that has zipper pockets (its fabulous) that i usually keep tips in from the night before. I try to “drop” it in a bank bag i have at home frequently. However, my bf (who is a security) at my place of work got in from seeing family out of state friday after christmas. Spent a lot of time at his place this past week and kept forgetting when i stopped at my house. So all into the zipper pocket it went.
Now, idk about yall but i had a BUSY friday-new years eve at my bar. Easily made $700 in tips over that course which is great for our small bar based on the 5 shifts i had in between those dates.
New years eve. Im working. Busy. We close at 12 usually in weekdays. Kept it open a little longer. Last call at midnight. Everyone out at 1230. Around 1245 when we’re still trying to clean i take me apron off bc its uncomfortable with my book in it. Wrap it up. Set it on a server station shelf. Only staff in the bar. Everyone leaves except me my bf and the 2 bartenders while in full view of said shelf. I guess when we were checking out and leaving the building i left it there.
Now new years day we dont open til 5pm. First server and bartender on at 4 and see it as soon as they get there tucked away near the computer. Claim to put it straight in the office under lock and key.
Unfortunately i dont notice til right before my next shift (friday) i dont have it. Kind of frantic bc i believe it has between 400-500 in it. The last $300 being to make my rent.
Get in friday and open it after not being able to go to the bank. Yall, its GONE. Left in it is $42 in 5s and 1s.
The only people in my bar between new years eve and open new years day was 2 kitchen 3 floor.
Currently made $300 this last friday and saturday but hoping i make a little more so i can pay my rent and still have enough for other bills
I know its my fault for leaving it and not noticing (i left all my bags new years day at bfs and didnt even try to look for it as i was set with cash and assumed my book was at his house). The missing money has happened before.
No there are no cameras. When it has happened before my boss told me to be more careful bc he cant just accuse people (rightfully so) and people come into our bar (line cleaners, food distributers, customers if it isnt found til night) but it was new years day and we were closed. Pretty confident someone i work with be it kitchen or server or bartender stole my money. And now im left with an uneasy feeling that people i trust or am even friends with can see me not being able to pay rent on time and not bat an eye. This is a good bar. Ive been here for 10 years. There is a bad apple here. All i can do is ask for it to be documented, eat top ramen and be more wary i guess. Sucks. Any advice?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/jewuhv/my_fantastic_owner_an_update/)
The whole story is in my history if you want but long story short; our kitchen was stealing. $400 personally from me (i left my apron and book one night after new years) and on camera in the office from one of the drawers and much more in hours he clocked in his family that he hired that werent there on days. Our owner pressed charges.
Well, after court dates and of course covid shit, things finally came to a head. Owner called me up one day and told me he had to talk to me when i came in for a shift. Uh oh. What could this be? I had almost forgotten about the case entirely.
Came in. And he handed me a check for the $400. He won the case (which we all knew would happen) but what we didnt assume is was that thief would pay it back anytime soon. What i also didnt know was that owner had that money he stole from me specifically stated in the case. Now what he could prove was stolen and how much was speculated differed. He only won a few grand from this guy (but that was never his goal, he told me. Just wanted justice).
My money was stolen after new years of this year. So after months of being behind from holidays, then covid, and stress, i finally got that money back. With a million thank yous to my owner. Any of my doubts about this small business i worked for have disappeared. My management believed me when i said something was wrong, investigated, fired, and then prosecuted the wrong doers. I am over the moon.
If yall have a good restaurant, stay with them! I know my story is unlikely and thats shitty thats a reality! But i love my place. And if i get to do another 10 years ill be grateful. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jhbriz/op_works_in_a_bar_and_is_horrified_when_several/ | jhbriz | 4,744 | 470 | [
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2020-10-25T05:55:32 | OP's bf knocks her and another woman up within weeks, go on to move in together and fall in love, and now baby daddy wants them to closet themselves for his new in-laws while expecting them to cook and clean for his new kid's birthday party | AITA | This is a repost. The [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hwzncq/aita_for_saying_wed_only_help_with_my_exs_kids)'s author has since deleted her account. She edited the post days later to include an update.
AITA for saying we'd only help with my ex's kid's party if we could tell people we're engaged?
This guy, "Jack", and I were together for about a year, and within a couple weeks of ending it I found out I was pregnant. I texted Jack to tell him, and a couple hours later this woman, "Liz", showed up at my place saying she and Jack had been together for 6 months, and she was also pregnant, and when the text arrived she got my address out of Jack's phone so she could talk to me before him. I told her everything, and Liz dumped Jack. I was about 6 weeks along at this stage, and she was 12 weeks.
Liz and I weren't exactly bezzie mates to begin with, but Jack took a huge step back when he realised how angry at him we both were, so Liz and I ended up doing pregnancy stuff together. When my roommate said that she didn't want to live with a baby, Liz suggested we move in together. Jack objected, but we told him to get lost and moved in together.
Over the years we got closer. I've always known I was bi but when our kids were a year old, Liz realised that she was gay, and when the kids were about 5 Liz asked me out. We knew it was a little weird, but nothing about our relationship before this was conventional so we figured why get hung up on "normal" now. We've been together 4 years now, and Liz proposed a few months ago. I said yes.
Jack has been an involved parent this whole time, paying us both child support and having custody on alternate weekends. He's met someone new, married a few years ago, and they have a son, "Tommy". Tommy looks up to the 9 year olds (my son, Liz's daughter) and loves them a lot, and they adore their little brother.
Tomorrow, Tommy is having a socially distanced birthday party for his 5th birthday. The current guest list is both sets of grandparents, an aunt/uncle/cousin trio, the neighbour's son, then me, Liz, and our kids. They've kept it pretty small for obvious reasons, and there's only going to be 5 kids there total, and Tommy is good friends with the neighbour's kid but not so much with his cousin.
The party is on a day that Jack doesn't have custody, so he's asked us to bring the kids as a favour. He's also asked us to stay and help with the party because I'm a pretty decent baker/cook and he's asked me to make the cake, which I agreed to (and it looks pretty good if I say so myself).
But now, the day before the party, Jack has told me and Liz that his wife's family are homophobic, so for the duration of the party he's going to need us to pretend we're straight, single mums, because Jack is "already on thin ice with them" for getting 3 women pregnant. We said we'd drop the kids and the cake, but not stick around because Jack's parents hate us both anyway and we won't hide our relationship. Jack has said we're being unreasonable, he needs us to do this as a favour, and we already agreed to help so we can't bail on him the day before the party.
Are we TA?
Edit: I wasn't going to post about this here but since posting this we've had a bunch of comment about how this sounds like a romcom, which is fine and we are ok with joking about it, but in addition to this we've had 4 actual messages/comments saying that someone seriously wants to adapt this into a novel/screenplay. That's weird, and it makes us uncomfortable. These are our lives. Please stop.
Update on the off chance anyone is still looking for one. We chose not to go to the party. We brought the kids and the cake, and then we left, and picked them up at the end of the party. The kids for the most part had a good time, and Tommy loved his cake, but my (step)daughter let slip that she also calls me "mum" and when they pressed her for answers, she ended up telling them everything. The adults stopped talking to her and my son, but mostly held it together around the kids, thankfully, but after we picked up the kids Jack began texting/calling us to tell us how the "thin ice" he was on had cracked, how his in laws truly hate him now, and how Liz and I can never be around his in laws again, which, given that the only time we saw them before this was at Jack's wedding, doesn't seem like it'll be a serious issue. | blindreaper469 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jhog82/ops_bf_knocks_her_and_another_woman_up_within/ | jhog82 | 4,400 | 428 | [
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2020-10-25T22:40:41 | A very unhinged new gallery owner in town has decided that the thriving art community and comradery among other gallery owners constitutes a sinister "art cartel" and makes it his mission to take them down. [Posted 2 years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7a3xi4/apparently_im_running_an_art_cartel/) is by /u/ArtistOutlawIGuess.*
This is ridiculous, my lawyer is out of town until the weekend. Until I see him, is there anything specific I should worry about with this whole craziness?
Small tourist town, Pennsylvania. I run a gift shop that has a small gallery space for local artists work. Two friends own art galleries within three blocks. We work together to run promotions similar to "first Friday" in larger cities. We also split advertising in flyers showing each of our current showing. Mostly though, we will recommend the other galleries as each of us has a different proffered art type.
A guy moved into the area who owned a high end gallery in a city, who Ill call John. Opens a small gallery in town as his retirement job. We reached out to him to try to include him in the local arts community, but he turned us down rudely. John has been doing poorly. From my perspective it's because most of the work he shows is priced out of the local market and he tends to act rudely to customers.
He has become antagonistic towards us. John has started posted ads that attack us for not having "real art", etc. He has been quite vocal about badmouthing us to anyone who comes in his gallery. So far, we have just let him bury himself in bad business practices and haven't responded in any way.
However, things came to a head this weekend, The other galleries and I held a promotion in conjunction with Halloween festivities and parade on Friday. He was seen pulling down our flyers around town last week. Most local shops stayed open late that night and had sales or promotions, but John's gallery was noticeably closed the entire day Friday and Saturday. In the morning Sunday John posted on his personal Facebook saying the other local galleries trashed his shop front. Later in the day a local police officer came by to ask me about it. I know the police officer and he basically said the pictures he was shown were candy wrappers and litter by the door, similar to what was left all along the parade route. The officer said he had no reason to think we were involved or that it was malicious, but he wanted to follow up and settle the issue.
I was told the next day John posted and then deleted numerous complaints on Facebook against other local businesses, but especially me and the other three galleries. He has even given us a nickname, which sounds like an old west group (think "The Three Banditos"). I can't see John's posts but was sent two screenshots and told there was worse. On Monday, two of my friends galleries had printed flyers taped to their doors overnight, blasting them for selling cheap art and for pushing new galleries out of the community. I'm told there were also angry posts on Facebook saying that an artist who had decided to pull from his gallery, which he blamed on us. None of us know this artist, nor had any contact.
Which brings us to this morning. I get a call saying that John was at a local coffee shop trying to get people to give him money to mount a lawsuit against us. He apparently had a document he typed up with his grievances. He is claiming that I specifically am running an art cartel! (Hence the post title). That two of the other shops have flooded the market with low end art to destroy his business. John was hassling patrons for money so much he was asked to leave before cops were called.
I think Johns business is doing poorly and he is going a little crazy. I think the worst he could do is drag us into a pricey lawsuit that goes no where, but I want to make sure there's no other trouble he could make for us. Is this dire enough to bring in a lawyer before I speak to mine on Tuesday?
Slight update: One of the gallery owners who had something taped to their food Monday met with their lawyer today. He let me know his lawyer is writing a cease and desist. His lawyer passed along similar recommendations to here: collect any evidence, get a security camera, and see if this blows over. I'm still meeting w my lawyer Tuesday, and have people friended to John in Facebook watching for any new posts. I'm probably going to just see if my lawyer will also do a cease and desist, but otherwise I'm just going to stay back and watch.
Adding: I posted this on a throwaway to have some anonymity. I've gotten 17 guesses as to my town or gallery. Understand I know that can only lead to harassment of John, so I'm definitely not going to give away any more information.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7j2zfu/update_art_cartel/)
I figure I owe a follow up to all the crazy that has happened, even though most of it is social small town drama and not "legal". Still, it's been an insane month. For ease, I'm just going to refer to both people and places as Gallery A, Gallery B and Gallery C. (Also I got a lot of guesses as to my shop and town. Also I got a lot of guesses as to where I live. At least one was correct but I'm not going to verify because I don't want John harassed.)
Coming off of the first post I made, John was continuing to make weird statements online. I had a few people who are friends with him agreeing to take screenshots. In one, he was petitioning for funds to bring a lawsuit against The Three Banditos. Someone asked what his proof was that we were hurting his business, and he posted a weird combination of google pictures of our storefronts, an ad for one of our events, and a listing in an old ad for downtown businesses that was printed a year before he went into business. He also linked to a several year old interview from Gallery A about supporting high school artists.
I had my meeting scheduled with my lawyer on Tuesday Nov 7th, but he called on Monday. When I answered the phone he joked "I'm really disappointed in what a terrible art cartel you're running." It turns out my lawyer's secretary had been at the coffee shop when John was trying to get money and kept a copy of the list of grievances. When I arrived for the meeting on Tuesday, my lawyer had a downright sassy letter ready to go for John which told him that any future threats would be taken seriously and then helpfully referred him to the definitions of a cartel.
For a few days, nothing. Then my lawyer, I and the other galleries all get a copy of John's list of grievances in the mail. This was the first I read it, but essentially pinpoints me as the head of the art cartel based on the fact that I was the one to sign the contract for the advertising page we took out in the local tourist book. He also points out we have similar hours of operation we established without consulting him. (A note about this. We don't have the exact hours. We just all are open similar times to the other businesses and restaurants around us because of traffic flow).
He also claims Gallery A is committing fraud as they show original pieces but also sell framed prints of the same work at more reasonable prices. A new addition was the commentary that I (me, personally) had conspired with an ice cream place near him and told them to reduce their hours for the winter in order to hurt his traffic. (The fact that they always reduce hours because ice cream doesn't sell in winter apparently wasn't it). There were a few other points, but those were the most bizarre.
My lawyer CC'd me on a letter that can be summed up "Seriously, knock it off," and told him he was banned from my shop.
On Veteran's day, I got a call from the high school art teacher. She told me that John had called her and told her not to work with local galleries anymore. He said that if she ceased working with us that he would give her brochures for "legitimate" art schools for her students. When she said she planned to continue working with us, John said that she was leading her students to poor practices. She contacted me afraid that there would be issue with her students. I said I didn't foresee any issue, but thanked her for her information. I said if it escalated, I'd ask her to speak to my lawyer.
A few days later, I get a screenshot of John's Facebook page that has listed "the Three Banditos are at it again". It links to two upcoming events we were advertising for the holiday crowd. It also included a fantastic photoshop collage of myself, the other gallery owners and a local jeweler, each wearing a black cowboy hat and bandana. Later that day the jeweler called to jokingly ask me if there was an initiation process to join the Banditos. We have no idea why he is included, he wasn't part of the promotion John linked.
I found out at this point that John previously attacked a Paint and Sip that's run by a local business on the local tourist Facebook page. He posted a pic of one of their previous group photos with "This is not art" written across it. He pulled it after several people pointed out his high end gallery shouldn't feel threatened by a paint and sip. But before he did Gallery C responded by posting Magritte's Treachery of Images, which is so funny in so many levels.
Then things escalated again. On Nov 13th, John posted a pic on Facebook of Gallery B, which is located on a corner, with sidewalks only on one side. He pointed out that if someone were to take the corner too quickly, they would crash into the building. Then asked people to do the "right thing" and drink and drive around the block a few times. It turns out Gallery B and John are in the same professional organization, and they look poorly on threats. Gallery B sent screenshots as well as a copy of John's list of grievances and John was put on probation with the organization pending review.
The next morning, John is outside my shop screaming that he knows what I did and that I have spies. He didn't enter the premises and left when I threatened to call police, but I did get video of him on my phone. The same day he removed anyone local from his Facebook. That afternoon, John apparently went to a local restaurant and hassled the owner for details about what we are doing to ruin his business. The restaurant eventually threw him out, but up until then the owner hadn't heard any of this, so he called me to ask what the heck this was about.
Nov 16th, I was opening shop when a friend sends me a picture of John in handcuffs. We rent advertising space at a historic site where local information is kept. John was found vandalizing our poster, its frame, and the acrylic cover. He did this during the day when employees were around, no clue how he thought he would get away with it. He got a fine for his troubles, but it got more gossip out there. Turns out I wasn't the first threatened with lawsuits in the community. I passed this onto my lawyer.
The weekend before Thanksgiving, there was a meeting of the group that handles the downtown events, projects etc. Most shops are fairly active with the group and the meetings are open to the public. As far as I know John has never attended a meeting until this one. They were discussing the finalization of Christmas tree lighting and Christmas events when a John asked for time to speak. He handed out this paper to everyone present which had a summary of his financials at his old, city gallery and a summary of his financials at his new gallery. Then he apparently said "I think we all know whose fault it is that theres a difference. I'm not naming names." Then he glared at everyone until they got him to leave the podium.
I was given a copy of this by someone who attended the meeting. John isn't doing well financially. I turned it over to my lawyer.
The day before Thanksgiving there was a notice posted on the community bulletin board. It stated that there is a conspiracy in town to put new businesses down. It then refers to "certain individuals" and "certain unnamed shops", and has several of the same bullet points as John's list of grievances. It also says those certain individuals have paid off all local lawyers from representing the person who put up the poster. This notice was removed from the bulletin board as everything posted there needs prior approval. Gallery C happened to hear about it and fished it out of the trash. We turned it over to my lawyer.
I had hoped things would de escalate now that I was downgraded from Bandito to the Nameless One, but no such luck. That Saturday, the 25th, we hosted an event with refreshments. The way this works is that we sell admission and you get a wristband and go from participating shops and galleries for food. John did not participate, as usual.
At some point during the afternoon, two of the participants went into John's shop. When he saw the wristbands, he went into the back and came out with a scissors. He told them to be in his gallery, they had to cut the wristbands off. When they refused, he grabbed at the woman's hand still holding the scissors, and was yelling. The two left the gallery and reported it to a police officer. Their next stop was Gallery B, where they told this story. My lawyer has been unable to get verification for this incident from police. (This is also, as far as I know, the last time the gallery was open.)
The next day, Sunday, I got a visitor in my shop who was acting weird. He was asking my employee detailed questions about the business: where did we get our artwork, what did we pay, how much was rent. When I overheard this I came over and realized the guy bore a striking resemblance to John, only younger. Let's call him John Jr. I introduced myself and he asked me if I had any upcoming promotions. In response, I handed him a copy of the monthly booklet the town puts out, which has basically everything happening in the area, including our events. John Jr looked surprised, and asked me where else he could get this booklet. I gave him a list of places offhand. He then asked me if everywhere got the same copy. I said they did and it was also available online. I was really hestitant that I was giving John information , but figured by only giving easily found public info, I was ok.
John Jr left, but I found out he went to a coffee shop and asked if they had a copy of the booklet and asked a ton of questions about it and my shop.
Gallery C contacted me last Monday to let me know that John had gotten into a heated argument with a man matching John Jr's description on the sidewalk near Gallery C. John Jr had left and driven away.
By last Wednesday, John had a sign on the door of his gallery stating it would be closed any day there is a planned downtown event listed online. As there's something happening nearly every day for the holidays, this would mean he will be closed essentially all of December.
The next day, Gallery C got a letter from John. It told him to stop walking by the front of John's store, and claims to have "hours of footage" of him passing by. He then threatened to sue Gallery C for using the public sidewalk. (Gallery C and John are on the same street and Gallery C needs to use the parking lot past John's store, so he does pass by twice a day.). At this point, Gallery C decided to retain my lawyer. He was told to cross the street instead of passing directly in front of John's gallery for the time being, but our lawyer also sent a response letter. Gallery C informed me of this after their meeting.
At this point, I also found out through the grape vine that John had attempted to hire my lawyer some weeks prior in order to sue me, only to be told it would be a conflict of interest.
John responded by sending our lawyer a rambling, multi page letter that had some elements of his list of grievances and other additions. While it probably was in response to Gallery C, most of it was directed at me, so my lawyer showed it to me. it was mostly insulting my business and saying I purposefully am putting him out of business. It also includes that John attempted to get this put in the local newspaper some weeks prior, but they turned him down. We are trying to get verification of this. My lawyer basically says if John does anything else, he is bringing the hammer down on him, and sent a letter to this effect.
At dinner, I heard a rumor John is behind on his rent and the landlord is planning evictions after the holidays. Because his gallery has been closed, I haven't seen John since Thanksgiving weekend.
Gallery B sent a Christmas card with a cropped pic of himself in a black hat and bandana from John's Facebook, framed in a wreath. He wants us to take a group photo in black cowboy hats and bandanas for next year's local business review. I'm debating it. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ji2ul3/a_very_unhinged_new_gallery_owner_in_town_has/ | ji2ul3 | 16,616 | 392 | [
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2020-10-26T05:48:40 | Update from husband asking whether he's aita for not telling his wife he is dying sooner then they thought | null | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ji96w7/update_from_husband_asking_whether_hes_aita_for/ | ji96w7 | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-10-26T06:07:17 | Update from husband asking whether he would be the asshole for not telling his wife that he will die sooner then they thought | AITA | moojuiceaddict | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ji9ejc/update_from_husband_asking_whether_he_would_be/ | ji9ejc | 0 | 61 | [
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2020-10-26T14:05:27 | OP is given a cheap engagement ring and wants to know how to talk to her fiancé about it. She finds out that he did it on purpose to make her mad. | AITA | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jif4lv/op_is_given_a_cheap_engagement_ring_and_wants_to/ | jif4lv | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-10-26T14:08:47 | OP is given a cheap engagement ring and wants to know how to talk to her fiancé about it. It turns out he did it on purpose to make her mad. [Posted 3 months ago] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hvwq9i/aita_for_being_upset_with_my_150_engagement_ring/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) is by /u/bowdownpls.*
UPDATE BELOW
My fiance is quite well off, and while I don't make as much as him I certainly would not be struggling on my own. He rotates between a few very expensive watches that he wears to work and while we have a good grasp on financial literacy we aren't shy about spending for the important parts of life. We openly share finances so I know he isn't secretly in debt or any such nonsense.
The ring is nice and understated, but more of a nice stacker than an engagement ring to show off. The stone (which im doubtful of being a diamond) is quite small. It is not heirloom. When friends or family get engaged there is always the excitement in sharing the news and inevitably someone will ask to see the ring and then everyone coos over it and its a good time. When I showed mine the mood got awkward and they feigned excitement just long enough until it was okay to change the topic (this is not a knock on them, they are just terrible liars).
I would like to make clear that I am not expecting a "3 months salary" ring or an over the top wedding. However this is a piece I will be wearing daily for decades, and is largely considered a "symbol of his love" (I know not all feel this way, but we do. or at least i thought we did). But I really don't think I'm out of line for thinking of it as a long term investment piece given the amount of wear it will see and the sentimentality behind it. Surely it is worth more than a gaming console?!
AITA here?
Edit: I'm getting a lot of the same questions so I thought I would put the answers here:
We had briefly talked about overall style, and he has access to my jewelry box to know the stuff I typically wear. As the price of the ring wasn't very important to me the budget for it was never really discussed, which I see as a mistake now but I didn't realize that this could be a problem.
Price is not important so much as I don't care if he spent $1,000 or $100,000 on it, but this ring looks cheap - it is not quality craftsmanship. The dampened excitement of showing off my ring was only a part of my post, the rest being that his drastic low ball on a piece I will be wearing every day for the rest of my life doesn't seem like the symbol of love one traditionally associates with engagement and wedding pieces. It's about having a very wealthy fiance that invests more into the latest gaming console than he does a life long symbol of our love. To you a ring might be just a ring, but unless otherwise discussed, it would be silly to assume it to be a throw-a-way item. In my culture as well the engagement ring is paired with the wedding band, not replaced.
We share our finances, and I saw the charge on the bank statement. If he paid in cash as well then he overpaid. Given that he has bought me more expensive jewelry in the past and sees what I wear on a regular basis, for him to low ball an important item this much seems pretty far out of left field and not something I would thought I would have needed to clarify with him even if we had a longer conversation about it. Obviously in hindsight I should have. I think I am more hurt with what it says to give your fiance such a low priced ring when money clearly isn't the issue than the fact that the ring itself was low budget.
If we were worse off and $150 took effort to save for I would be over the moon at what he got me and shoving it in everyone's face, however this is not remotely the case.
He has gifted diamond studs and other fine jewelry before and will spurge a bit more if its something for the both of us (for example a surprise getaway weekend for a holiday). He doesn't throw his money around needlessly, but he isn't stingy.
To be blunt, its a cheap ring. In look and cost. Yes, he could have spent hours picking out the indie jeweler to get the ring that is nothing like what I have or have ever mentioned liking in a much lower price bracket than we would ordinarily spend on just regular accessories. However, I don't feel like I'm making a large leap in assuming he didn't. To me this is about more than just the fact that he didn't get the exact style I had in mind.
I also take exception to the people here acting like being unhappy with the ring means I'm unhappy with the engagement, nowhere have I ever said this to be the case. Life isn't an all or nothing game. I can be unhappy with the ring while still being madly in love with my fiance and thrilled to spend our lives together.
We will be talking about this for sure, but I know this can be a touchy subject and wanted an objective eye on it first. I will update this post after that conversation.
Update: He came home and we were settling down and around dinner I started the conversation with "Honey, I'd like to talk about the ring" and before I could finish he just blew up. Started yelling "fucking finally" and how I'd ruined everything by waiting so long.
To be brief, he bought a shitty ring from a jeweler who got bad reviews so that when I got upset over it he could dump me under the guise that I was a golddigger. He has apparently been having an affair (turns out covid had shortened his work hours, not extended) with a "younger model" that he's "earned" but knew that breaking things off when everyone loved me so much would "hurt his optics" so he had to make it my fault.
He knew that "leaving this pariah-ship" would gain him sympathy and there was a lot of rhetoric that clearly wasn't his own words but something he was parroting from what I highly suspect is from a much too influential work "friend" that I've had disagreements with in the past. Changes I had attributed to work stress are glaringly obvious to me now as symptoms of something more malicious under the surface and I feel really ashamed I didn't see things more clearly earlier or wasn't somehow able to head things off before they got this far.
I won't be sticking around to dig any deeper, but I know my now ex-fiance would not have done and said the things he did without being pushed from bad influences behind the scenes. This doesn't mean I forgive him, I think he is incredibly weak and feeble minded for letting this happen to us, but I also doubt I will be contacting many of our mutual "friends" as the dust settles.
I left in the middle of his tirade around the 15 min mark and am staying with at my mother's. I haven't cried yet and I think I'm still waiting for it all to suddenly make sense, but I know logically it might not ever. Thank you to everyone who responded to my post and offered your thoughts, I don't think anyone could have predicted what was going to happen from the information I gave, and now I'm off to /r/likeus and /r/eyebleach until the waterworks decide to flow and I can have a good cry over it all. On the plus side, if there is one, is that I don't have to wear the fucking hideous ring anymore.
Please stop hitting on me in my DMs. I am clearly not interested in seeing anyone atm and I will not send you nudes to "get back at [my] ex". Stay classy reddit. | APassionatePoet | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jif6lg/op_is_given_a_cheap_engagement_ring_and_wants_to/ | jif6lg | 7,228 | 531 | [
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