dlb/mentalreddit · Datasets at Hugging Face

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3,501	daddit	I'm sure there are online therapists you could use via video conference.
3,502	daddit	I suppose opinions vary. While I can understand hating your blood at times, I can't understand it when they are simply a baby. I can understand hating the 15 yr old who is a little shit and constantly getting arrested or something. However a baby is not doing anything deliberate to make you hate it. As the OP stated he finally realized. So again, I can't say I understand fully because I connected with my kid the second he popped out. I can understand the hatred of the factors surrounding a new baby. The crying and the lack of sleep and the frustrations of not know what to do. But again, as OP, finalized with. Hate the situation, not the baby.
3,503	daddit	And most importantly, as they grow, you'll learn ways to curse that isn't going to end up with your kid going to school shouting "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK". You don't want that.
3,504	daddit	Thanks for the advice!
3,505	daddit	Thanks for the advice!
3,506	daddit	You're comparing seeing a friend die to the birth of a child ? They are literally opposite to each other. Nobody disputes that this guy may be mentally ill but that doesn't make his weird rant less disturbing.
3,507	daddit	It has been recognised for at least a decade. Easy to search counselling in any decent country.
3,508	daddit	Yeah, many of the non-father responses here show that it's a problem that not enough people know about.
3,509	daddit	Exactly. That's exactly what I think. Those things are completely normal and may happen to anybody.
3,510	daddit	Ahh but ration can go out the window at 3 am, and its not improbable to understand how someone can have a momentary slip (even if you can never imagine yourself doing it). The important part is not if these feelings surface (because some cant control how they feel) but how do we respond to the actions.
3,511	daddit	That's pretty much exactly the conclusion OP came to. He realized he didn't hate the baby, just the difficulty of the situation.
3,512	daddit	I don't think people are saying it's rational. I think people here are trying to be supportive of somebody that has gone through a period of severe post partum depression and is perhaps not mentally stable and needs some help.
3,513	daddit	Because these symptoms aren't really very uncommon with PPD, which can happen with men. There are plenty of stories of women who want to throw their babies out the window, smother them, shake them, etc. How is wanting to shake your baby any different from wanting to punch them, and yet most new parents I've spoken to will willingly admit they've fantasized about shaking their babies when they wouldn't stop crying? That's why professionals tell you to put your child down and let them cry it out if you start to feel that way - because it's not that uncommon to want to physically harm your child depending on your reaction to parenthood. What OP experienced is absolutely concerning, and I would highly recommend he see a professional about this. But at the same time, it's not as if what OP experienced is unprecedented in any sense, and in fact might be much more common than people know. Why would anyone admit they feel these things when this is the kind of reaction they get from people? These posts are a prime example of why so many new parents hide their PPD symptoms - because people are incapable of realizing that those feelings a) don't mean anything about your overall lifetime parenting skills, and b) are not your fault and can be helped with therapy or medication. They just want to shit all over you for being a terrible parent. > You may hate your new life, your lack of sleep, your added stress, and your emotional instability, but how can you actually hate a baby? I will never understand why this is so hard for people to grasp. Babies are loud. They're demanding. They require constant attention. They suck up your energy, your sleep, your time, and your money. Of course you can hate a baby, even temporarily. Plenty of people want kids but are completely unprepared for the emotional and financial commitment (as everyone is before they actually have a child). It can be easy for some people to hate a thing that shows up and completely fucks over your entire life for a few months.
3,514	daddit	Did you even read the post? He came to realize he doesnt hate his child he hates his new life, lack of sleep, added stress, and emotional instability. He literally fucking said the exact things you just complained about. And you sound pretty fucking naive. In women's health a common part of PPD is a mother thinking of harming their child. Whether or not YOU (random fucking redditor) can relate or not - really doesnt matter. This is well documented and perhaps you should educate yourself before come off as an ass.
3,515	daddit	Post-partum depression is real in fathers, too. Many of us have had dark thoughts like that without acting on them. Physical and mental exhaustion does weird stuff to you.
3,516	daddit	> >You may hate your new life, your lack of sleep, your added stress, and your emotional instability, but how can you actually hate a baby? Because the baby is the cause of all those things. Baby's gone and all that stuff goes back to normal. That's where the impulse comes from and it's pretty straightforward. When I was a teenager there was a time my parents were being more strict and I told them I hated them and went to my room to imagine them dying. Because they were the source of the restrictions that were upsetting me. I really don't think it's that hard to understand where OP is coming from.
3,517	daddit	So many people supporting him too! What in the fuck is this sub?!
3,518	daddit	I think you are reading way to much into his post. He's posting the emotions he felt at the time. Using the harsh tones to better describe it. I describe things that way sometimes as well. Sometimes, that's how I vent. That's why his post doesn't alarm me to the point of me thinking he's going to harm his kid. He also said in so many words that he would protect his son from anything. Becoming a parent can affect some people mentally, sometimes it's in a negative way. Sometimes thinking gets skewed and you blame what's not at fault.
3,519	daddit	Not really, man, chill out. I mean babies are life changing for a reason. His life changed and like he said he didnt know why it made him so hateful. But he worked through it. Sure some parents never feel that way but its not universal. No two babies are ever the same and no set of parents are the same. He made it through to the other side but does he need therapy for it? No way
3,520	daddit	Is this sub a parent version of r/relationships ?
3,521	daddit	Something comes into your life that costs you a fortune, steals away almost all your sleep, pisses, spits, drips snot, vomits on your stuff, keeps you from going out with your friends or even just your spouse, and in exchange it contributes absolutely nothing to your household. But you think it takes some kind of emotional regression to feel hate towards that thing - hate that bothers you and you spend weeks trying to work through before finally snapping yourself out of it? >A great mindset to have as a parent... is one where you have chosen to raise a child. Because from that point, any action of the child or you, is all based on your conscious decision to take up that mantle and run with it. Sounds pretty much like the position OP ended up in.
3,522	daddit	I very much liked your comment and can relate. I was a stay at home dad the first 8 months of my daughters life. I felt an instant bond stronger than anything I'd ever known. I fell in love with her more and more everyday and holding that little baby was the best time of my life. My wife stayed at home the first few months after our second child (a boy) was born, and I didn't have the same instant bond with him as I did my daughter. I made the effort to change his diaper and feed him and bathe him when the opportunity arose and after a few months the bond developed. Don't get me wrong, I loved him the minute he was born. Just wasn't like when I was the primary caregiver for my daughter. It's normal for dads and it's ok not to be head over heels in love with your baby, and I do think it's good to have a dialogue about it. I can't relate to OP because his feelings towards his child is something I can't comprehend. I try not to judge him though.
3,523	daddit	> pooping screaming machine HA!!!! Yes indeed they are.
3,524	daddit	"I'm surely not about to judge someone else for their reaction" remember those words daddy.
3,525	daddit	[deleted]
3,526	daddit	God forbid someone realizes something negative and works through it to become a better person. People cant control how something makes them feel. Don't act like your shit don't stink
3,527	daddit	did you read his whole post? because your dumb fucking comment really highlights that you didnt.
3,528	daddit	Well that's not universal. The sound of a crying baby is one of the most god awful annoying things in the world to me, there is no amount of time I can hear a baby crying that doesn't start slowly ratcheting up my anger levels.
3,529	daddit	[deleted]
3,530	daddit	As far as we can tell from this post we have no reason to think he has tried to get help or will try to get help. Thus he is a piece of shit.
3,531	daddit	What? The whole point of this post is that he realized he was doing that and was able to dismantle it. He literally stopped doing the thing you're criticizing him for. Are we going to crucify and label people as psychopaths or actual child-killers in waiting because they had crazy thoughts during an emotional time in their lives? Attitudes like "You're a piece of shit for your feelings" are what make it hard for people to seek help. They are told they are monsters just for the thoughts in their head, and they're left with no outlet. EDIT: On a second read, I can't tell if you're saying the OP made the right decision or agreeing with the guy who called him a piece of shit. I may be low on sleep.
3,532	daddit	>Learning to rationalize and eventually control the impact of your feelings is a part of growing up. Sounds like exactly what OP did. So what's your problem? That it took him too long for your tastes?
3,533	daddit	Yeah, fuck this guy. Fuck this post. I can't believe people are sympathizing with this dickhead. You hate an innocent little newborn child that can't even fend for itself yet? Suck it up and grow the fuck up. What an asshole.
3,534	daddit	I don't think having those feelings makes you a piece of shit, but I think not immediately trying to seek professional help and relying on drugs instead makes you a piece of shit.
3,535	daddit	[deleted]
3,536	daddit	This is the same dumb, arrogant, ignorant, asinine stubbornness that sentenced generations of mother's into depression and in some cases suicide. Congratulations you are a fucking piece of shit. - Signed a father who loves and thinks his kids are a blessing.
3,537	daddit	Yeah, something must have happened in his childhood. What a piece of shit.
3,538	daddit	Lol, this guy gets it.
3,539	daddit	Right It's interesting to hear about and compare life experiences with other dads; it's not good to always assume other people have the same feelings and ideas as yourself.
3,540	daddit	It'll get easier, but it's going to take a while. By month four, he's gonna be god's gift to the world to you.
3,541	daddit	Yes, I actually mean literally besides OP reasoning of responsibilities.
3,542	daddit	Thank you. It was an oddly enlightening moment in my life. We had another child, a daughter, a year and a half later. My son was a good baby. Didn't cry much. Cooperated with us. But having that trouble and that learning experience enabled us to deal with our daughter who would. Not. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. For the first 6 months of her life. Constant screaming. I mean ear piercing. Ironically her name means "beautiful voice."
3,543	daddit	Is post-partum common for fathers? Pregnancy is obviously a vastly different experience for the mother.
3,544	daddit	someone posts about their want to destroy their own baby and I get a bit annoyed, fuck sake.
3,545	daddit	I read the whole thing and agree thoroughly that OP ought to have child protection services remove him from his son.
3,546	daddit	When I lost my daughter I didn't sleep well for awhile. I know what it does to you, it's not an excuse though.
3,547	daddit	-reads story of man that hates his children. -gets inspired Keep sucking ops dick
3,548	daddit	Yea your kids
3,549	daddit	Ha!
3,550	daddit	Actually it sounds like OP is going to shake that baby until it stops crying as soon as things get stressful again, but you know, same difference.
3,551	daddit	why do people keep saying this? there isn't anything redeemable the dude is an idiot.
3,552	daddit	Nah, I read the whole spiel. "Dad" thinks mom is a better parent and then hated kid.
3,553	daddit	Did you bother reading?
3,554	daddit	Excuse me how many children have you parented? PS [this is what WebMD has to say about postpartum depression in men](http://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/news/20080506/men-also-get-postpartum-depression) . According to this article, it can actually have more of an impact on a child's emotional development than female postpartum depression. So you can fuck right off.
3,555	daddit	[deleted]
3,556	daddit	gottem
3,557	daddit	Did everyone here about that shit? Hulu makes you pay no matter what now, there's limited commercial subscription and no commercial. Where am I supposed to watch thousands of free videos now!
3,558	daddit	Dad status: verified.
3,559	daddit	This guy was just trying to help, no need to call him a joke
3,560	daddit	Mental health can be an extremely funny thing. You can be miserable with whatever is ailing you, and because you don't know what's wrong you just tell yourself that you're imagining it, tamp it down, ignore it, do anything to convince yourself that you're not defective and incompetent when everyone around you seems to have everything figured out. Except, all this does is make you feel worse, makes you struggle even more with day to day things like work or chores or relationships. And then you figure out or have the exact problem diagnosed and suddenly a mountain is lifted off of your shoulders. You're not crazy, you're depressed, or have anxiety, or in my case, have ADD. You understand why you feel the way you do, and you can actually look up or learn strategies to cope instead of stabbing wildly in the dark with zero success or worse, causing all kinds of new stresses. I have had terrible anxiety for years. I could not figure it out. I could still function, I didn't let it keep me from leaving my house and working or socializing. But I always had this underlying feeling of doom, tightness in my chest, feeling like my heart was going to stop. I was recently diagnosed with ADD and the relief was almost immediate, before we even started considering medication options. I wasn't a freak that couldn't figure out how to interact like everyone else, I wasn't a lazy loser that couldn't get work done in a timely fashion, and I wasn't a flaky daydreamer because I couldn't focus on discussions and meetings, and I wasn't an impatient asshole with a short fuse that would start an argument for no reason. My brain is just wired differently, and knowing that I can relax and be open about why I'm having a hard time paying attention to something or getting something done. Not as an excuse, but as a base to work from. Now I feel myself getting ticked off and ready to snap at someone and I can pause and ask myself, "is this a legitimate anger, or am I letting my ADD get the best of me?" I could totally see how OP would have instant relief from his realization and be a stable person in spite of his original feelings.
3,561	daddit	If a an says he'd kill his son if there was no consequences, then something is wrong with him. I'm sorry but that is not okay, it's unstable.
3,562	daddit	[deleted]
3,563	daddit	Judgmental!? He explicitly laid out in the post he would happily murder his child in a world without consequences..
3,564	daddit	[deleted]
3,565	daddit	possibly, but it looks like a sea of scams :/
3,566	daddit	"We" as in here in this thread. He's not some terrible person. He had a problem and needed help.
3,567	daddit	I am feeling those things right now. But wanting to Murder your kid in a World without consequences sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Edit: Not even mentioning using drugs to solve your problems. I guess all fathers has felt the need to down a gallon of whiskey, but with an infant and a wife with depression, we wised Up. Sorry for not jumping on the band wagon, but I do not feel like OP has the sanity or maturity to be a dad.
3,568	daddit	Did you actually read the whole post? If not, I suggest you do that before commenting.
3,569	daddit	Some babies suck the life out of you, and if you've never had a really tough baby, you'll never know to what extent a person can truly feel about even their own child. The point of this post is that he was able to figure out that his anger wasn't at his baby, it was at himself. Takes a big person to openly admit those terrible feelings, because let's be honest, they're shocking, and horrible, but they happen, and he wants to reach out to others. The support is because he's worked through his issues. It's a big deal, especially if his thoughts and feelings were as bad as he described.
3,570	daddit	I'm sorry, but saying you'd murder your own child in a world without consequence is taking things way too far. It reads like a troll post honestly "watch me go on daddit and say I'd murder my child, then get praised for making up some redeeming bullshit at the end." If someone really hated their child, to the point of wanting to murder them, then their epiphany was "well he made me insecure cause i'm great at everything but i didn't feel like a great parent!" That is narcissistic beyond belief and yea this guy, if real, should probably see a therapist.
3,571	daddit	I'm with you, man. Many people feel and react without examining WHY they feel and react the way they do. I'm glad this dude found his epiphany and it helped change his mindset and find love and patience.
3,572	daddit	No really - OP is legit messed up, and there is no excuse for what he posted. It's legitimately scary and extreme cause for concern
3,573	daddit	Same. Baby noises are extremely irritating. One of many reasons why I intend to never have a child.
3,574	daddit	And the epiphany was "I don't want to murder my own infant child"
3,575	daddit	You sound like the clickbait totle of a buzzfeed article. Go home.
3,576	daddit	This is the same dumb, arrogant, ignorant, asinine stubbornness that sentenced generations of mother's into depression and in some cases suicide. Congratulations you are a fucking piece of shit. - Signed a father who loves and thinks his kids are a blessing.
3,577	daddit	so you are telling me that this is a sarcastic comment? and I'm supposed to get this from the above? Thats why we have /s tag.Im sorry but its not clear you are joking.
3,578	daddit	He was going through something, this was him helping people deal with it. Depression is a thing man, be a little fucking sensitive. Not everyone needs tough love or berating.
3,579	daddit	Can you not empathise with someone who has felt some awful things (and clearly not acted on them) when having a tough time, and being sleep-deprived? Do you also judge women who think these things when they've given birth? If so you must be spending a lot of time judging people
3,580	daddit	Your hostility is amusing.
3,581	daddit	Fucking REKT.
3,582	daddit	whew that's spicy
3,583	daddit	Then you didn't understand what he wrote. He is saying he realized the source is his anger was with himself and not with his son. That when he made that connection his life, and the lives of his family began to change for the better. But if you want to keep hating on someone whose only flaw was entirely internal and never did anything wrong, then I hope one day you are able to be as introspective as OP was. It will make you a better person for it in the end.
3,584	daddit	Lol. whuttt? WebMD says so then it must be true. So your telling me, that for thousands of years, men have been dealing with postpartum depression, undiagnosed, but now finally, in 2008, scientists asked 5,000 American men if they are depressed about having a kid and 1/10 said yes, therefore its totally legit now. Of course it is a flood of emotion, grappling with the fact that now there is a human being that I helped create, that I will now be dedicating the next 25 years of my life to. One would hope that a father had thought about that fact before fucking a lady without a condom, but of course, we all make mistakes. However, the appropriate response is to recognize the duty of a parent, man up, stop bitching, realize that the world doesn't revolve around your little world anymore, and start thinking about becoming the sort of man your child could look up to. Life is hard, but we don't get through it by bitching.
3,585	daddit	So of the three W's to choose from, he would have picked the least appropriate.
3,586	daddit	I thought his phone auto-corrected "weed" to "wide" >I was able to look to my expert, the weed He did talk about having an epiphany after smoking a bag, so...
3,587	daddit	www.thepiratebay.se.net
3,588	daddit	Kodi TV
3,589	daddit	I ended up upping my plan to the no commercial plan because I hate the commercials. If it wasn't the same commercial every single day for months at a time I would be fine, but I just couldn't handle it anymore. Low and behold, 1 day after we upgrade, we start getting ads on certain shows. I did some research and found some shows (the popular ones) still show the damn commercials. I immediately went and bought a firestick and out Kodi on it. Canceled every other account.
3,590	daddit	You can watch movies on Vudu with commercials now.
3,591	daddit	Ow.
3,592	daddit	And honestly I'm not sure this is even about neurodiversity or any of that, I think this guy was just going through the shock that comes with a total change in lifestyle, along with some resentment of his own impotence in the face of caring for his newborn. Once he realized what the problem was, he accepted his feelings, and worked on it by spending more time with his baby, working on what he saw as weaknesses and deficits, and as a result, overcame the negative feelings. That's not easy to do on your own, so I'm proud of OP for taking initiative instead of checking out and leaving like his wife's dad did. Yay for you, OP
3,593	daddit	Honestly do you really think he was seriously considering killing his infant son? Have you never heard of hyperbole being used for emphasis? Obviously this is an exaggeration to show the hopelessness and resentment that he felt during his bout with postpartum depression. And obviously you didn't read the end, so let me spoil it for you: he put his feelings in perspective, worked on being a better parent, and now "would kill for that adorable bastard".
3,594	daddit	Look I completely understand what he's saying, the issue here is the circle jerk of his post being great because of its "unapologetic" nature. This is a social psychological thing we see everyday. Things Miley Cyrus did that first year were fucked up right? Nobody wanted her to be that role model an more, but when she came out unapologetic and said HEY this is who I am now. People completely bypassed all of her other things, because authenticity registers higher on our biological survival brain, scapegoating any previous actions. Go read this post out loud to ANYBODY. Your family at Christmas tomorrow, you're coworker on Monday, your girlfriend tonight. Read this post out loud In its entirety and tell me what they think. I have yet to run into somebody who I've handed my phone to today that didn't think this and the comments in here are complete bonkers. There is no right or wrong here and I understand that. But his post is NOT torn from the same "I hate my baby" cloth as all the other posts on /r/daddit. If you don't agree that's okay. I just like you have my opinion on this post and am sharing it.
3,595	daddit	> It just creeps me out right like that you could even have those thoughts This sort of statement is the reason so many people don't get the help they need. Why does it matter if it creeps you out, or you can't empathize? Just move on and let people who can empathize address it. The dude had feelings, holy shit. He didn't act on any of the negativity. He maintained his role and responsibility. And when he finally voices his feelings, which many fellow dads have actually felt similar, somebody like you has to make a statement about how weird or not ok his feelings are. Why? To show how you're "better"? Because it makes you uncomfortable for somebody to be honest? C'mon, man...
3,596	daddit	It is completely normal to have feelings like this. I love both of my kids, with the most complete and total love I have ever felt. In fact, I honestly didn't even know what love really was until I had my children. But that being said, there have been times (MANY times) that I thought about how different my life would be if I was childless, and therefore free. And many times, when I was so tired and so sick of the incessant crying, screaming, and fighting that I wished I could just toss the little shots out the window. I would never do such a thing, but thoughts are thoughts. It is only crazy when you act on said thoughts. OP is just a normal dude that was having problems and like any sane person that realizes they have a problem, found a way to fix it.
3,597	daddit	> It's when the love should have changed from a default protective love to a deep, unconditional love. I really wish people would stop talking about how parents "should" feel; it's extremely arrogant. There is no "should" with how someone feels when they have a baby. How you felt is how you felt, but other people are going to react to parenthood differently. I also wish more people knew about PPD. Clearly most people in this thread don't understand what PPD is or that men are susceptible as well.
3,598	daddit	I was right where this dude was. I really disliked my newborn. He was not a great baby... It almost tore our relationship apart. By about 6 months i took a 360. Now that he's 2, I fucking love the shit out of him. Some people just aren't compatible with newborns. Some newborns are just really unbearable. Don't judge. The feeling of love isn't always something that happens at first sight. They talk a lot about this with new mothers as it is extremely common for mothers to hate their newborns. But no one really ever brings up the conversation with the dad.
3,599	daddit	Congratulations for you. YOU dont matter though in this case. No one cares about YOUR ability to understand him. This is not about YOU. Grow up and come to terms plenty of people go thru PPD, its fucked up and it can be unsettling. Now stop trying to come to terms with something you'll never understand (unless it happens to you) and leave your fucking opinion at the door. Fuck the amount of naivety disguised as moral superiority in this thread is fucking sad. These are the same attitudes that drove decades of mothers into suicide and in some cases suicide. All because YOU cant rationalize their feelings. GTFO.
3,600	daddit	My daughter just turned three, and I absolutely hated fatherhood for the first year. I had never dealt with sleep deprivation before in my life. Her mom did most of the work. I felt absolutely wildly insane and as well as angry. Between her postpartum depression and my stress at work due to lacking sleep and not being able to adjust to the routine, I felt so incapable and incompetent. I can definitely understand how OP feels. It all depends on what your stress response is like. Mine is incredibly negative. I get depressed, suicidal, homocidal, whatever you can think of. It's taken years of conscious effort for me to adjust this. I was excited to have a baby, but I am sure glad my daughter's mom is so reliable and capable. We would have all starved to death, otherwise.

3,501

daddit

I'm sure there are online therapists you could use via video conference.

3,502

daddit

I suppose opinions vary. While I can understand hating your blood at times, I can't understand it when they are simply a baby. I can understand hating the 15 yr old who is a little shit and constantly getting arrested or something. However a baby is not doing anything deliberate to make you hate it. As the OP stated he finally realized. So again, I can't say I understand fully because I connected with my kid the second he popped out. I can understand the hatred of the factors surrounding a new baby. The crying and the lack of sleep and the frustrations of not know what to do. But again, as OP, finalized with. Hate the situation, not the baby.

3,503

daddit

And most importantly, as they grow, you'll learn ways to curse that isn't going to end up with your kid going to school shouting "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK". You don't want that.

3,504

daddit

Thanks for the advice!

3,505

daddit

Thanks for the advice!

3,506

daddit

You're comparing seeing a friend die to the birth of a child ? They are literally opposite to each other. Nobody disputes that this guy may be mentally ill but that doesn't make his weird rant less disturbing.

3,507

daddit

It has been recognised for at least a decade. Easy to search counselling in any decent country.

3,508

daddit

Yeah, many of the non-father responses here show that it's a problem that not enough people know about.

3,509

daddit

Exactly. That's exactly what I think. Those things are completely normal and may happen to anybody.

3,510

daddit

Ahh but ration can go out the window at 3 am, and its not improbable to understand how someone can have a momentary slip (even if you can never imagine yourself doing it). The important part is not if these feelings surface (because some cant control how they feel) but how do we respond to the actions.

3,511

daddit

That's pretty much exactly the conclusion OP came to. He realized he didn't hate the baby, just the difficulty of the situation.

3,512

daddit

I don't think people are saying it's rational. I think people here are trying to be supportive of somebody that has gone through a period of severe post partum depression and is perhaps not mentally stable and needs some help.

3,513

daddit

Because these symptoms aren't really very uncommon with PPD, which can happen with men. There are plenty of stories of women who want to throw their babies out the window, smother them, shake them, etc. How is wanting to shake your baby any different from wanting to punch them, and yet most new parents I've spoken to will willingly admit they've fantasized about shaking their babies when they wouldn't stop crying? That's why professionals tell you to put your child down and let them cry it out if you start to feel that way - because it's not that uncommon to want to physically harm your child depending on your reaction to parenthood. What OP experienced is absolutely concerning, and I would highly recommend he see a professional about this. But at the same time, it's not as if what OP experienced is unprecedented in any sense, and in fact might be much more common than people know. Why would anyone admit they feel these things when this is the kind of reaction they get from people? These posts are a prime example of why so many new parents hide their PPD symptoms - because people are incapable of realizing that those feelings a) don't mean anything about your overall lifetime parenting skills, and b) are not your fault and can be helped with therapy or medication. They just want to shit all over you for being a terrible parent. > You may hate your new life, your lack of sleep, your added stress, and your emotional instability, but how can you actually hate a baby? I will never understand why this is so hard for people to grasp. Babies are loud. They're demanding. They require constant attention. They suck up your energy, your sleep, your time, and your money. Of course you can hate a baby, even temporarily. Plenty of people want kids but are completely unprepared for the emotional and financial commitment (as everyone is before they actually *have* a child). It can be easy for some people to hate a thing that shows up and completely fucks over your entire life for a few months.

3,514

daddit

Did you even read the post? He came to realize he doesnt hate his child he hates his new life, lack of sleep, added stress, and emotional instability. He literally fucking said the exact things you just complained about. And you sound pretty fucking naive. In women's health a common part of PPD is a mother thinking of harming their child. Whether or not YOU (random fucking redditor) can relate or not - really doesnt matter. This is well documented and perhaps you should educate yourself before come off as an ass.

3,515

daddit

Post-partum depression is real in fathers, too. Many of us have had dark thoughts like that without acting on them. Physical and mental exhaustion does weird stuff to you.

3,516

daddit

> >You may hate your new life, your lack of sleep, your added stress, and your emotional instability, but how can you actually *hate* a baby? Because the baby is the cause of all those things. Baby's gone and all that stuff goes back to normal. That's where the impulse comes from and it's pretty straightforward. When I was a teenager there was a time my parents were being more strict and I told them I hated them and went to my room to imagine them dying. Because they were the source of the restrictions that were upsetting me. I really don't think it's that hard to understand where OP is coming from.

3,517

daddit

So many people supporting him too! What in the fuck is this sub?!

3,518

daddit

I think you are reading way to much into his post. He's posting the emotions he felt at the time. Using the harsh tones to better describe it. I describe things that way sometimes as well. Sometimes, that's how I vent. That's why his post doesn't alarm me to the point of me thinking he's going to harm his kid. He also said in so many words that he would protect his son from anything. Becoming a parent can affect some people mentally, sometimes it's in a negative way. Sometimes thinking gets skewed and you blame what's not at fault.

3,519

daddit

Not really, man, chill out. I mean babies are life changing for a reason. His life changed and like he said he didnt know why it made him so hateful. But he worked through it. Sure some parents never feel that way but its not universal. No two babies are ever the same and no set of parents are the same. He made it through to the other side but does he need therapy for it? No way

3,520

daddit

Is this sub a parent version of r/relationships ?

3,521

daddit

Something comes into your life that costs you a fortune, steals away almost all your sleep, pisses, spits, drips snot, vomits on your stuff, keeps you from going out with your friends or even just your spouse, and in exchange it contributes absolutely nothing to your household. But you think it takes some kind of emotional regression to feel hate towards that thing - hate that bothers you and you spend weeks trying to work through before finally snapping yourself out of it? >A great mindset to have as a parent... is one where you have chosen to raise a child. Because from that point, any action of the child or you, is all based on your conscious decision to take up that mantle and run with it. Sounds pretty much like the position OP ended up in.

3,522

daddit

I very much liked your comment and can relate. I was a stay at home dad the first 8 months of my daughters life. I felt an instant bond stronger than anything I'd ever known. I fell in love with her more and more everyday and holding that little baby was the best time of my life. My wife stayed at home the first few months after our second child (a boy) was born, and I didn't have the same instant bond with him as I did my daughter. I made the effort to change his diaper and feed him and bathe him when the opportunity arose and after a few months the bond developed. Don't get me wrong, I loved him the minute he was born. Just wasn't like when I was the primary caregiver for my daughter. It's normal for dads and it's ok not to be head over heels in love with your baby, and I do think it's good to have a dialogue about it. I can't relate to OP because his feelings towards his child is something I can't comprehend. I try not to judge him though.

3,523

daddit

> pooping screaming machine HA!!!! Yes indeed they are.

3,524

daddit

"I'm surely not about to judge someone else for their reaction" remember those words daddy.

3,525

daddit

[deleted]

3,526

daddit

God forbid someone realizes something negative and works through it to become a better person. People cant control how something makes them feel. Don't act like your shit don't stink

3,527

daddit

did you read his whole post? because your dumb fucking comment really highlights that you didnt.

3,528

daddit

Well that's not universal. The sound of a crying baby is one of the most god awful annoying things in the world to me, there is no amount of time I can hear a baby crying that doesn't start slowly ratcheting up my anger levels.

3,529

daddit

[deleted]

3,530

daddit

As far as we can tell from this post we have no reason to think he has tried to get help or will try to get help. Thus he is a piece of shit.

3,531

daddit

What? The whole point of this post is that he realized he was doing that and was able to dismantle it. He literally stopped doing the thing you're criticizing him for. Are we going to crucify and label people as psychopaths or actual child-killers in waiting because they had crazy thoughts during an emotional time in their lives? Attitudes like "You're a piece of shit for your feelings" are what make it hard for people to seek help. They are told they are monsters just for the thoughts in their head, and they're left with no outlet. EDIT: On a second read, I can't tell if you're saying the OP made the right decision or agreeing with the guy who called him a piece of shit. I may be low on sleep.

3,532

daddit

>Learning to rationalize and eventually control the impact of your feelings is a part of growing up. Sounds like exactly what OP did. So what's your problem? That it took him too long for your tastes?

3,533

daddit

Yeah, fuck this guy. Fuck this post. I can't believe people are sympathizing with this dickhead. You hate an innocent little newborn child that can't even fend for itself yet? Suck it up and grow the fuck up. What an asshole.

3,534

daddit

I don't think having those feelings makes you a piece of shit, but I think not *immediately* trying to seek professional help and relying on drugs instead makes you a piece of shit.

3,535

daddit

[deleted]

3,536

daddit

This is the same dumb, arrogant, ignorant, asinine stubbornness that sentenced generations of mother's into depression and in some cases suicide. Congratulations you are a fucking piece of shit. - Signed a father who loves and thinks his kids are a blessing.

3,537

daddit

Yeah, something must have happened in his childhood. What a piece of shit.

3,538

daddit

Lol, this guy gets it.

3,539

daddit

Right It's interesting to hear about and compare life experiences with other dads; it's not good to always assume other people have the same feelings and ideas as yourself.

3,540

daddit

It'll get easier, but it's going to take a while. By month four, he's gonna be god's gift to the world to you.

3,541

daddit

Yes, I actually mean literally besides OP reasoning of responsibilities.

3,542

daddit

Thank you. It was an oddly enlightening moment in my life. We had another child, a daughter, a year and a half later. My son was a good baby. Didn't cry much. Cooperated with us. But having that trouble and that learning experience enabled us to deal with our daughter who would. Not. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. For the first 6 months of her life. *Constant* screaming. I mean ear piercing. Ironically her name means "beautiful voice."

3,543

daddit

Is post-partum common for fathers? Pregnancy is obviously a vastly different experience for the mother.

3,544

daddit

someone posts about their want to destroy their own baby and I get a bit annoyed, fuck sake.

3,545

daddit

I read the whole thing and agree thoroughly that OP ought to have child protection services remove him from his son.

3,546

daddit

When I lost my daughter I didn't sleep well for awhile. I know what it does to you, it's not an excuse though.

3,547

daddit

-reads story of man that hates his children. -gets inspired Keep sucking ops dick

3,548

daddit

Yea your kids

3,549

daddit

Ha!

3,550

daddit

Actually it sounds like OP is going to shake that baby until it stops crying as soon as things get stressful again, but you know, same difference.

3,551

daddit

why do people keep saying this? there isn't anything redeemable the dude is an idiot.

3,552

daddit

Nah, I read the whole spiel. "Dad" thinks mom is a better parent and then hated kid.

3,553

daddit

Did you bother reading?

3,554

daddit

Excuse me how many children have you parented? PS [this is what WebMD has to say about postpartum depression in men](http://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/news/20080506/men-also-get-postpartum-depression) . According to this article, it can actually have more of an impact on a child's emotional development than female postpartum depression. So you can fuck right off.

3,555

daddit

[deleted]

3,556

daddit

gottem

3,557

daddit

Did everyone here about that shit? Hulu makes you pay no matter what now, there's limited commercial subscription and no commercial. Where am I supposed to watch thousands of free videos now!

3,558

daddit

Dad status: verified.

3,559

daddit

This guy was just trying to help, no need to call him a joke

3,560

daddit

Mental health can be an extremely funny thing. You can be miserable with whatever is ailing you, and because you don't know what's wrong you just tell yourself that you're imagining it, tamp it down, ignore it, do anything to convince yourself that you're not defective and incompetent when everyone around you seems to have everything figured out. Except, all this does is make you feel worse, makes you struggle even more with day to day things like work or chores or relationships. And then you figure out or have the exact problem diagnosed and suddenly a mountain is lifted off of your shoulders. You're not crazy, you're depressed, or have anxiety, or in my case, have ADD. You understand why you feel the way you do, and you can actually look up or learn strategies to cope instead of stabbing wildly in the dark with zero success or worse, causing all kinds of new stresses. I have had terrible anxiety for years. I could not figure it out. I could still function, I didn't let it keep me from leaving my house and working or socializing. But I always had this underlying feeling of doom, tightness in my chest, feeling like my heart was going to stop. I was recently diagnosed with ADD and the relief was almost immediate, before we even started considering medication options. I wasn't a freak that couldn't figure out how to interact like everyone else, I wasn't a lazy loser that couldn't get work done in a timely fashion, and I wasn't a flaky daydreamer because I couldn't focus on discussions and meetings, and I wasn't an impatient asshole with a short fuse that would start an argument for no reason. My brain is just wired differently, and knowing that I can relax and be open about why I'm having a hard time paying attention to something or getting something done. Not as an excuse, but as a base to work from. Now I feel myself getting ticked off and ready to snap at someone and I can pause and ask myself, "is this a legitimate anger, or am I letting my ADD get the best of me?" I could totally see how OP would have instant relief from his realization and be a stable person in spite of his original feelings.

3,561

daddit

If a an says he'd kill his son if there was no consequences, then something is wrong with him. I'm sorry but that is not okay, it's unstable.

3,562

daddit

[deleted]

3,563

daddit

Judgmental!? He explicitly laid out in the post he would happily murder his child in a world without consequences..

3,564

daddit

[deleted]

3,565

daddit

possibly, but it looks like a sea of scams :/

3,566

daddit

"We" as in here in this thread. He's not some terrible person. He had a problem and needed help.

3,567

daddit

I am feeling those things right now. But wanting to Murder your kid in a World without consequences sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Edit: Not even mentioning using drugs to solve your problems. I guess all fathers has felt the need to down a gallon of whiskey, but with an infant and a wife with depression, we wised Up. Sorry for not jumping on the band wagon, but I do not feel like OP has the sanity or maturity to be a dad.

3,568

daddit

Did you actually read the whole post? If not, I suggest you do that before commenting.

3,569

daddit

Some babies suck the life out of you, and if you've never had a really tough baby, you'll never know to what extent a person can truly feel about even their own child. The point of this post is that he was able to figure out that his anger wasn't at his baby, it was at himself. Takes a big person to openly admit those terrible feelings, because let's be honest, they're shocking, and horrible, but they happen, and he wants to reach out to others. The support is because he's worked through his issues. It's a big deal, especially if his thoughts and feelings were as bad as he described.

3,570

daddit

I'm sorry, but saying you'd murder your own child in a world without consequence is taking things way too far. It reads like a troll post honestly "watch me go on daddit and say I'd murder my child, then get praised for making up some redeeming bullshit at the end." If someone really hated their child, to the point of wanting to murder them, then their epiphany was "well he made me insecure cause i'm great at everything but i didn't feel like a great parent!" That is narcissistic beyond belief and yea this guy, if real, should probably see a therapist.

3,571

daddit

I'm with you, man. Many people feel and react without examining WHY they feel and react the way they do. I'm glad this dude found his epiphany and it helped change his mindset and find love and patience.

3,572

daddit

No really - OP is legit messed up, and there is no excuse for what he posted. It's legitimately scary and extreme cause for concern

3,573

daddit

Same. Baby noises are extremely irritating. One of many reasons why I intend to never have a child.

3,574

daddit

And the epiphany was "I don't want to murder my own infant child"

3,575

daddit

You sound like the clickbait totle of a buzzfeed article. Go home.

3,576

daddit

This is the same dumb, arrogant, ignorant, asinine stubbornness that sentenced generations of mother's into depression and in some cases suicide. Congratulations you are a fucking piece of shit. - Signed a father who loves and thinks his kids are a blessing.

3,577

daddit

so you are telling me that this is a sarcastic comment? and I'm supposed to get this from the above? Thats why we have /s tag.Im sorry but its not clear you are joking.

3,578

daddit

He was going through something, this was him helping people deal with it. Depression is a thing man, be a little fucking sensitive. Not everyone needs tough love or berating.

3,579

daddit

Can you not empathise with someone who has felt some awful things (and clearly not acted on them) when having a tough time, and being sleep-deprived? Do you also judge women who think these things when they've given birth? If so you must be spending a lot of time judging people

3,580

daddit

Your hostility is amusing.

3,581

daddit

Fucking REKT.

3,582

daddit

whew that's spicy

3,583

daddit

Then you didn't understand what he wrote. He is saying he realized the source is his anger was with himself and not with his son. That when he made that connection his life, and the lives of his family began to change for the better. But if you want to keep hating on someone whose only flaw was entirely internal and never did anything wrong, then I hope one day you are able to be as introspective as OP was. It will make you a better person for it in the end.

3,584

daddit

Lol. whuttt? WebMD says so then it must be true. So your telling me, that for thousands of years, men have been dealing with postpartum depression, undiagnosed, but now finally, in 2008, scientists asked 5,000 American men if they are depressed about having a kid and 1/10 said yes, therefore its totally legit now. Of course it is a flood of emotion, grappling with the fact that now there is a human being that I helped create, that I will now be dedicating the next 25 years of my life to. One would hope that a father had thought about that fact before fucking a lady without a condom, but of course, we all make mistakes. However, the appropriate response is to recognize the duty of a parent, man up, stop bitching, realize that the world doesn't revolve around your little world anymore, and start thinking about becoming the sort of man your child could look up to. Life is hard, but we don't get through it by bitching.

3,585

daddit

So of the three W's to choose from, he would have picked the least appropriate.

3,586

daddit

I thought his phone auto-corrected "weed" to "wide" >I was able to look to my expert, the **weed** He did talk about having an epiphany after smoking a bag, so...

3,587

daddit

www.thepiratebay.se.net

3,588

daddit

Kodi TV

3,589

daddit

I ended up upping my plan to the no commercial plan because I hate the commercials. If it wasn't the same commercial every single day for months at a time I would be fine, but I just couldn't handle it anymore. Low and behold, 1 day after we upgrade, we start getting ads on certain shows. I did some research and found some shows (the popular ones) still show the damn commercials. I immediately went and bought a firestick and out Kodi on it. Canceled every other account.

3,590

daddit

You can watch movies on Vudu with commercials now.

3,591

daddit

Ow.

3,592

daddit

And honestly I'm not sure this is even about neurodiversity or any of that, I think this guy was just going through the shock that comes with a total change in lifestyle, along with some resentment of his own impotence in the face of caring for his newborn. Once he realized what the problem was, he accepted his feelings, and worked on it by spending more time with his baby, working on what he saw as weaknesses and deficits, and as a result, overcame the negative feelings. That's not easy to do on your own, so I'm proud of OP for taking initiative instead of checking out and leaving like his wife's dad did. Yay for you, OP

3,593

daddit

Honestly do you really think he was seriously considering killing his infant son? Have you never heard of hyperbole being used for emphasis? Obviously this is an exaggeration to show the hopelessness and resentment that he felt during his bout with postpartum depression. And obviously you didn't read the end, so let me spoil it for you: he put his feelings in perspective, worked on being a better parent, and now "would kill for that adorable bastard".

3,594

daddit

Look I completely understand what he's saying, the issue here is the circle jerk of his post being great because of its "unapologetic" nature. This is a social psychological thing we see everyday. Things Miley Cyrus did that first year were fucked up right? Nobody wanted her to be that role model an more, but when she came out unapologetic and said HEY this is who I am now. People completely bypassed all of her other things, because authenticity registers higher on our biological survival brain, scapegoating any previous actions. Go read this post out loud to ANYBODY. Your family at Christmas tomorrow, you're coworker on Monday, your girlfriend tonight. Read this post out loud In its entirety and tell me what they think. I have yet to run into somebody who I've handed my phone to today that didn't think this and the comments in here are complete bonkers. There is no right or wrong here and I understand that. But his post is NOT torn from the same "I hate my baby" cloth as all the other posts on /r/daddit. If you don't agree that's okay. I just like you have my opinion on this post and am sharing it.

3,595

daddit

> It just creeps me out right like that you could even have those thoughts This sort of statement is the reason so many people don't get the help they need. Why does it matter if it creeps you out, or you can't empathize? Just move on and let people who can empathize address it. The dude had feelings, *holy shit*. He didn't act on any of the negativity. He maintained his role and responsibility. And when he finally voices his feelings, which many fellow dads have actually felt similar, somebody like you has to make a statement about how weird or not ok his feelings are. Why? To show how you're "better"? Because it makes you uncomfortable for somebody to be honest? C'mon, man...

3,596

daddit

It is completely normal to have feelings like this. I love both of my kids, with the most complete and total love I have ever felt. In fact, I honestly didn't even know what love really was until I had my children. But that being said, there have been times (MANY times) that I thought about how different my life would be if I was childless, and therefore free. And many times, when I was so tired and so sick of the incessant crying, screaming, and fighting that I wished I could just toss the little shots out the window. I would never do such a thing, but thoughts are thoughts. It is only crazy when you act on said thoughts. OP is just a normal dude that was having problems and like any sane person that realizes they have a problem, found a way to fix it.

3,597

daddit

> It's when the love should have changed from a default protective love to a deep, unconditional love. I really wish people would stop talking about how parents "should" feel; it's extremely arrogant. There is no "should" with how someone feels when they have a baby. How you felt is how *you* felt, but other people are going to react to parenthood differently. I also wish more people knew about PPD. Clearly most people in this thread don't understand what PPD is or that men are susceptible as well.

3,598

daddit

I was right where this dude was. I really disliked my newborn. He was not a great baby... It almost tore our relationship apart. By about 6 months i took a 360. Now that he's 2, I fucking love the shit out of him. Some people just aren't compatible with newborns. Some newborns are just really unbearable. Don't judge. The feeling of love isn't always something that happens at first sight. They talk a lot about this with new mothers as it is extremely common for mothers to hate their newborns. But no one really ever brings up the conversation with the dad.

3,599

daddit

Congratulations for you. YOU dont matter though in this case. No one cares about YOUR ability to understand him. This is not about YOU. Grow up and come to terms plenty of people go thru PPD, its fucked up and it can be unsettling. Now stop trying to come to terms with something you'll never understand (unless it happens to you) and leave your fucking opinion at the door. Fuck the amount of naivety disguised as moral superiority in this thread is fucking sad. These are the same attitudes that drove decades of mothers into suicide and in some cases suicide. All because YOU cant rationalize their feelings. GTFO.

3,600

daddit

My daughter just turned three, and I absolutely hated fatherhood for the first year. I had never dealt with sleep deprivation before in my life. Her mom did most of the work. I felt absolutely wildly insane and as well as angry. Between her postpartum depression and my stress at work due to lacking sleep and not being able to adjust to the routine, I felt so incapable and incompetent. I can definitely understand how OP feels. It all depends on what your stress response is like. Mine is incredibly negative. I get depressed, suicidal, homocidal, whatever you can think of. It's taken years of conscious effort for me to adjust this. I was excited to have a baby, but I am sure glad my daughter's mom is so reliable and capable. We would have all starved to death, otherwise.