dlb/mentalreddit · Datasets at Hugging Face

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3,401	daddit	Congrats! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll curse more than you ever thought you would. There will be times you feel like OP. And there will be times that you're overwhelmed with the love for your little one. Enjoy it. They're only youngboce, and believe it or not....you'll miss the early days once they're gone.
3,402	daddit	[deleted]
3,403	daddit	It's hard being thrown into it with almost no idea of what you're actually gonna have to do. Things never go exactly as planned. Just load up on coffee and be flexible and ready to learn. Don't shy away from offers for help from family and friends.
3,404	daddit	Congratulations! The thing about parenting is that it doesn't matter how many prenatal classes you do or which books you read nothing can truly prepare you for fatherhood. It's like being hit in the face with a shovel. Things get easier though. The first time they smile at you, not wind, really smile at you your heart will melt. When they hear your voice and turn around to see you with a grin on their face and a smile in their eyes because they know daddy's home from work. When they're being held by someone else and they turn to you and stretch their arms out because they'd prefer you to hold them. When there's a silly game they won't play with anyone else (my son won't high five anyone but me - but he will only lift his arms up and splash them in the bath for mummy.) Top tip: if all of baby's needs have been met; fed, warm, clean nappy etc. and you're getting stressed they still won't stop crying, walk away. Go into the garden for a few minutes. They won't die but it'll give you a few minutes too clear your head and try again to soothe them.
3,405	daddit	Just three days of lacking or interrupted sleep can lead to PTSD-like symptoms, including delirium. Just one missed night can raise your blood pressure. Stress and lack of sleep are two major issues in PPD. Sure, I don't agree with how OP remedied it, but that's personal. They should really read the /r/AskReddit post about parents with special needs kids. That is really dark.
3,406	daddit	If you ever thought about putting a bullet in your brain after seeing someone you've known for months die right in front of you, maybe you just aren't cut out to be a soldier! (/s) In all seriousness the elitism and thoughtcrime-esque condemning from commenters in this thread is mildly disturbing. The man is trying to improve. No one is perfect, and there is no obvious formula for "your kids are total fucked up shits because of you". He loves his kid, and he's trying his best. That's what matters.
3,407	daddit	I'm not a doctor but OP just wrote he is insecure because of his perception that his wife is being a better parent. PPD, or just selfishly narcissistic?
3,408	daddit	I think we need to acknowledge that men can also suffer from PPD.
3,409	daddit	It's Post Partum Depression or Psychosis. It happens to fathers but isn't very widely talked-about.
3,410	daddit	No, I agree with you. I do not believe hate for your child is rational in any way. Hating your new life, lack of sleep, lack of spare time or any similar thoughts are very understandable.
3,411	daddit	I'm here from /r/all, and I'm not sure why this is getting so much support/approval. It seems like this kid is in for a really rough life if his father takes out his emotional insecurities on his children, especially if it's to the point of wanting to punch a baby in the face. Like seriously, what the fuck am I reading? You may hate your new life, your lack of sleep, your added stress, and your emotional instability, but how can you actually hate a baby? This is some Casey Anthony shit.
3,412	daddit	Everyone has a different journey to progress as a person. Sometimes we're put in situations that we're not ready for, and we have a choice to either remain that small person, or to grow a little and become better for it. There are so many responses to you condemning this guy, but all I see is a person who made the conscious choice to become better, and his child will reap the rewards.
3,413	daddit	Seriously, dude needs to see a psychiatrist.
3,414	daddit	Like yourself, I'm not sure how someone could have such intensely negative feelings, unless they had a lot of extreme emotional repression going on... don't want to face your reality and bottle things up? It's going to come out in nasty ways. Think OP may want to do a bit of self assessment - more than just this epiphany, there's probably a lot more going on which should probably be addressed. However, I digress. A great mindset to have as a parent... is one where you have chosen to raise a child. Because from that point, any action of the child or you, is all based on your conscious decision to take up that mantle and run with it. This doesn't mean you won't experience misery, lack of sleep or frustration..... those are normal for anyone. It took me a looooong time to bond with both of my boys, but I put in the effort because it's what I wanted. Now I have some of the most open and well behaved boys a parent could want (18 &amp; 5 years). Having difficulty bonding is one thing, having a hard time coping, being sleep deprived and irritable are all understandable and shouldn't raise red flags... Negative emotions such as hate and loathing and feelings or thoughts of harm are red flags that the person is in need of help.
3,415	daddit	Pretty much have loved my kids since I caught them coming out. I was 27 when my son was born. We had already been married 2 years. I was expecting and prepared for a loss of freedom. We also had really good birthing classes, the Bradley Method, which helped prepare us for the helplessness you feel when nothings worked. We even had tons of colic and reflux issues. Wife had to go on restricted diet. I didn't "feel it" sometimes. But for me love and duty go hand in hand so even when I wasn't feeling the love my sense of duty kicked in and I did what needed to be done anyways. Selflessness is difficult. But the more you do it the easier it gets. The more you've always done your own thing the harder it is to deny your own desires and take care of the pooping screaming machine. Starting with little things and keep trying and trying and trying. Like some others mentioned, the OP could have probably used some therapy to discover his actual insecurities and give him better coping mechanisms than smoking weed.
3,416	daddit	I didn't have any strong negative feelings towards my baby, but I'm surely not about to judge someone else for their reaction. Becoming a new parent is the most life changing event I can think of. The added responsibility is immediate and is amplified by a lack of sleep. If there's any moment to have a mini crisis, it's this. So no, I'm not willing to call someone a bad parent because he had difficulties adjusting along with some uncontrollable bad thoughts. I actually commend him for his honesty and his ability to reevaluate his situation for the better.
3,417	daddit	Completely agree, this post made me nauseous.
3,418	daddit	[deleted]
3,419	daddit	You're not the only one who's had your experience. OP is not the only one who's had his experience. Based on the comments here, there are clearly enough people in the latter group that it's not predictive of problems down the road. So please stop suggesting that people who have done nothing wrong are terrible parents who should give their children up for adoption.
3,420	daddit	Right there with you, pal. Hate losing the freedom of the life without responsibility, love the child unconditionally.
3,421	daddit	You know, I kinda get you and this dad at the same time. I sorta had a similar reaction but it manifested differently. Soon after my daughter was born I kept having these irrational thoughts about something horrible happening to her. Car accident, fire, fall down the steps. Soon it was full on nightmares 3-4 times a week about her dying or me accidentally killing her....crazy shit! Like a couple months this went on. Finally it dawned on me that, I loved her so much that I was not sure how I could function or deal with it if something happened to her. Like, my brain was running simulation scenarios, testing it out, trying to process how to still be me and accept the reality that life is fragile, just a bunch of existential shit. The second I realized that it stopped. The day off, basically. .....kids....fucking crazy....
3,422	daddit	I'm the same. For me it is tied to understanding that a baby is a baby. I know that sounds odd but I see parents all the time trying to rationalize with their baby or three year old... it's just not going to work. It's more productive and easier for you to fully understand how a baby acts rather than expecting them to act based off of your rationalization... they don't even have the equipment or experience to dip their toes into that pond, but you can meet them on their level easily. As an elementary teacher I would always counsel this: if you find yourself yelling at a student, you have already lost. Many men think that violence is the viable answer because that is how society raised us. It might be different on an individual basis, but most men are taught not to cry when they are sad, because sadness is weakness (it's not, it's normal) and that their default states should be happiness or anger... those are allowed. Love is a tricky one, we aren't showed how to express love properly. It can be tricky for many men to deal with a baby. I'm only saying this because you said you can't understand where those emotions come from. I hope I haven't talked too long on the subject.
3,423	daddit	You are absolutely not the only one; no one is saying everyone feels like OP. But not everyone feels like you, either. We are a wide, varied, and diverse species; lots of folks feel different ways about being a parent, and we each get to deal with that in our own way. Finding others who feel similarly to you and have handled it can be really helpful, so don't bash folks who are trying to do what they can.
3,424	daddit	You're definitely not, but I do remember those feelings if not wanting the baby around with my first born. It's a huge life shift and everyone handles it differently. For me, my second was so much easier because I could see an end to the all night crying, the taking of 100% of my wife's attention, etc. But yeah with my first, those nights seemed endless...
3,425	daddit	That was my thought. I can't relate to this post at all. I understand the fear of being a new dad, but the hateful language by OP is waaaaay over the top. There are much bigger issues here, even with the turnaround at the end.
3,426	daddit	You OP comes off as a total narcissist douche bag if I'm being quite honest. "I felt violent hate for my child because I sucked at being a parent!" Wtf is that shit.
3,427	daddit	Me too. I could her him cry forever and not get angry, but I do want it to stop because a) I don't want him to be suffering or in pain, and b) it upsets my wife a lot.
3,428	daddit	I was reading this post hoping it would turn around. I have never felt hate for my son, and it is weird to me that anybody could legitimately hate their child. Sleepless nights and being frustrated are normal but wanting to punch your child is a real problem. I'm glad this guy find his own real issue. But, if any dad reading this feels those feelings, I would highly suggest talking to somebody about it.
3,429	daddit	You're not special because you use different terms to describe when you get frustrated. Many people who love their children deeply still get frustrated and say things like "I wanted to punch that baby" when the thought of that never actually entered their mind. It's like when someone says "I wanted to kill them" when really they are saying someone frustrated them. How do you not get that? I feel like being THAT clueless must mean you fall somewhere on the spectrum.
3,430	daddit	I can sort of see how it would go in someones mind. You're tired, frustrated, worried, scared, whatever. If someone has those feelings and doesn't have a look into themselves, the wife and kid were right in front of him. He took the easy obvious target. But he figured it out. Kudos.
3,431	daddit	It's a mental illness. One that can be dealt with, but one that absolutely requires attention. It's perfectly normal to not feel bonded to your child for the first few months. And it's perfectly normal to stress about things like sleep deprivation and the loss of your freedom. But it's definitely not normal to hate your child to the point of wanting to punch him.
3,432	daddit	There are plenty of times when "nature going about its business" is both cute and annoying. Such is life. The important thing to remember is there is no one "right" way to feel.
3,433	daddit	I felt exhausted, not up to the task, and at points, not empathic to my son at all, but never hatred. That's not healthy or normal. He had colic so I would walk around with him screaming for hours at a time so hard my ears ring to this day, but he was literally helpless and while it was impossible to bond at first, I would never allow him to come to harm, and that means doing the best you can to keep him safe. And, of course, the colic eventually ended and we started bonding eventually :)
3,434	daddit	I love mine all the time too man. I know he doesn't WANT to cry or feel shitty...who would ever choose that? Their brains are just a torrent of chemicals and emotions, they're figuring it all out as they go, and they have quite literally ZERO perspective on life and what is and isn't a big deal. How's he supposed to understand that as awful as it seems when I say 1 more minute of playtime and then bed...somewhere out there are kids dying to hunger or being raped and beaten right now, and that bedtime with a nice full tummy, two parents who adore you, and a soft bed in a lovely warm house would truly be heaven to countless millions of little ones. It's just not possible to really explain to him why it's not worth being upset, so I'll just hold him tight in my arms and sing this Polish song to him that I don't understand a word of, but my Nana sung to me...pretty soon all is right again in the world, and I tell him about all the wonderful stuff we'll keep doing when he wakes up the next day. No matter how big the meltdown, I make sure to gently get him out of it and have him thinking happy thoughts again so that he'll have nice sweet dreams. Children are just so unbelievably beautiful and precious. I've always loved kids, but being a dad has truly enlarged my heart. My wife and I have another on the way and I'm just so excited to meet him, hold him, and start seeing what he's like as it slowly gets revealed.
3,435	daddit	How is It wrong to think about punching someone in the face? I kill about twenty people in my thoughts everyday. Who are you to judge about coping skills? Kids can be hell.
3,436	daddit	I've had moments thinking stuff like our daughter was annoying, wished that she was with her grandparents and stuff like that. I've taken time off work just to be at home and do nothing at all, even though i dropped her off at the daycare in the morning. I wouldn't say everything is just lovely and jolly good, as a parent, but i too really have a hard time sympathizing with OP.
3,437	daddit	I'm with you, but not everyone bonds with their child immediately. Someone like OP might not love the baby for a long while, yet they still must endure weeks of sleepless nights and dirty diapers. Granted, wanting to punch your baby is extreme (to say the least), but it's not unusual to be pessimistic in that scenario.
3,438	daddit	Well it's not normal, but there's people out there who aren't normal and who need help.
3,439	daddit	I don't think that's fair. He's sick with some real mental issues that he needs help with. He's only a piece of shit if he doesn't get help.
3,440	daddit	[deleted]
3,441	daddit	Agreed. Disgusting post. There's depression and sleep depravity and being a first time parent, then there's preferring a used condom over your child
3,442	daddit	This is the same dumb, arrogant, ignorant, asinine stubbornness that sentenced generations of mother's into depression and in some cases suicide. Congratulations you are a fucking piece of shit.
3,443	daddit	Seriously, what a fucking me first asshole. Jeeeeeeesus
3,444	daddit	My thoughts exactly. How can you hate something? Something must have happen in his childhood for such feelings to arise.
3,445	daddit	Yeah not to pile on but if this someone's reaction to not knowing how to do something... eesh.
3,446	daddit	I thought he was typing out the plot of "We need to talk about Kevin"
3,447	daddit	I had a shitty job and absolutely zero prospects at age 25 when I started smoking weed. Now 31, summa cum laude college graduate, two kids, married, much better job. I feel you.
3,448	daddit	white noise. Loud. Grab it on Spotify
3,449	daddit	Not everyone's the same
3,450	daddit	I couldn't figure out why I had to watch a "don't shake the baby" video before my wife was discharged. 3 weeks later, I get it. He's such a frustrating little dude.
3,451	daddit	It is very common. A baby changes your life completely, you stop sleeping, lose appetite and your life is upside down. Plus the babies are absolutely selfish and demanding, so it's quite normal to feel your life is not your own anymore and blame your kid for that, thus the hate. I'm a father of a two and a half years old boy. I never had those feelings for my kid but I can totally relate to OP and appreciate him coming out so honest. And it pisses me off all the idiots who probably never had a baby close by saying he should leave his kid. I just hope one day they'll realise how tough parenthood is and the effort it takes to mature like OP did. And fathers need to talk about it, just like mothers do. It's accepted that mothers can have mental issues with their babies, but if a father comes out then he's weak and should "man up". That's pretty fucked up
3,452	daddit	You mean aside from the reasons OP talked about?
3,453	daddit	it cures cancer. papa bless
3,454	daddit	That was oddly beautiful :)
3,455	daddit	Actually he sounds like an honest and self-effacing person to me. Pretty sure those are qualities you need to have to be able to grow. I think he'll be alright.
3,456	daddit	Well I learned something new! Thanks you special sort of prick.
3,457	daddit	[removed]
3,458	daddit	Reading comprehension would help tremendously here. You've missed the point mate. He's expounding on his emotional journey. That bold sentence is for you.
3,459	daddit	>GROW THE FUCK UP YOU PRICK! >peace and love. Pick one.
3,460	daddit	Read the whole thing before running your mouth, fuck for brains.
3,461	daddit	First three months can be brutal especially.
3,462	daddit	I take it you've never been truly sleep deprived for weeks? It brings out some unsettling aspects of your human psyche
3,463	daddit	-Reads story of man improving his life through self-reflection. -Call him a whiny bitch. You must have a number of issues, sad.
3,464	daddit	Someone's dad didn't give them enough hugs!
3,465	daddit	Haha
3,466	daddit	[deleted]
3,467	daddit	Did you read to the end?
3,468	daddit	We're both teachers too!
3,469	daddit	Do you want a little asshole kid? Cause this is how you get an asshole kid.
3,470	daddit	You gave up too soon.
3,471	daddit	Did you bother reading?
3,472	daddit	hahaha.
3,473	daddit	Hey man, I have a suggestion for you. Maybe instead of killing your son, just kill yourself instead. The world would be much better off. Edit: Jesus Christ reddit why did you upvote this comment?
3,474	daddit	THere is literally no such thing! Babies do not come out of men. All a man has to do is stick his dick in once. You are all pathetic faggots and your children will hate you.
3,475	daddit	I was starting to think he was a troll. 10/10 OP put me through the roller coaster.
3,476	daddit	i thought he meant wide like, the world wide web.
3,477	daddit	Perhaps he meant 'broad'.
3,478	daddit	I once told my sister I was picking up my wife at hooker depot because she'd found a new knob.
3,479	daddit	I thought this was some code word for pot I'd never heard.
3,480	daddit	[deleted]
3,481	daddit	Damn -- one typo deserves an otter.
3,482	daddit	Everyone is in the nursery posting on their phone.
3,483	daddit	Oh RaptorJesus, please watch over u/OssotSromo and keep him from harm.
3,484	daddit	joke
3,485	daddit	Hey he already admitted to being flawed, no need to rub it in ;)
3,486	daddit	Didn't want the pound sign. Really wanted emphasis on that point. I'm on mobile and didn't even think about it until you said something to be honest hahaha
3,487	daddit	I'm a substitute kindergarten teacher, so I spend a lot of time around basically tall-ass toddlers, and I'd be willing to vouch for this guy's sanity 100%. Feeling incompetent is an awful thing, especially when you're in charge of a little life, and I come home a lot thinking I don't want kids, feeling like I just suck and kids are terrible and maybe I should just be writer or a copyeditor or something instead. To your point, I don't think he had to smoke weed to stop resenting his newborn, so much as he needed to realize that his problem wasn't hate but anxiety and impotence. Pot helped him put his feelings in perspective, and I'm not sure that's a bad thing because he eventually got to a point where he came to terms with his feelings and now, 2 and a half months later, would do anything for his son.
3,488	daddit	Dude was just stressed to the max. Can you blame him? All the weed did was put him in a new state of mind and it helped him realize he was wrong. I see nothing wrong with that.
3,489	daddit	I agree that therapy would be a great second step. But let's not be judgemental. OP took the first step in acknowledging his struggles. The next step is seeking help. Being a dad is tough. I have a shorter temper than I realized, but I also have two incredible young boys (almost 3 & 1.5) that I love dearly.
3,490	daddit	People need ways to cope with the changes in their lives. Some smoke weed. Some go fishing. Some go on walks. All of these are better vents then drinking oneself under the table, taking opiods, or even killing themselves because they waited till it was too late to release their demons. He'll get there, and had you been a father you'd understand his position and how he feels. Every man feels this way to some degree, we just don't normally talk about it.
3,491	daddit	> If you need to smoke weed to stop hating your newborn you are messed up in the head and should stay well away incase you do something that you regret. Thats not even close to what he said. There is so much wrong with your comment it is sad. If I were you, random redditor, I'd leave the diagnosis to professionals. Thinking of harming your child is very common in PPD. Educate yourself and stopd talking like an armchair analyst - DUDE.
3,492	daddit	Judgemental much?
3,493	daddit	TIL weed smokers = baby shakers. Yikes, what a mindset
3,494	daddit	Instead of showing empathy towards his personal efforts and ponderings, you stay in the comfortable holier than thou zone. It's fucking selfish and I hate that.
3,495	daddit	[deleted]
3,496	daddit	Would happily murder his son if he wouldn't go to prison.
3,497	daddit	Yeah.... I get having negative feelings towards your baby, but the whole "I would murder him in a world with no consequences".... that's beyond bad feelings. If you think that you would intentionally harm your child then I think that qualifies as needing professional mental help.
3,498	daddit	Yeah, it's a bit much.
3,499	daddit	[Here's some advice on choosing a therapist](http://www.metanoia.org/choose/), if you feel like reading. I'll say that not everything listed there was helpful/made sense to me, but it's got some solid advice, and it's fairly easy to tell what will and won't matter for you. As someone else said, contacting your primary doctor or your insurance company can be good ways to get some names in your area. And not everyone who offers CBT will advertise it as such; you may want to call and ask.
3,500	daddit	the type of therapy matters far less than whether or not you are able to trust the person enough to be vulnerable and say what is most difficult to say. go to someone local that you look like you might be able to open up to. The rest is honestly just details.

3,401

daddit

Congrats! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll curse more than you ever thought you would. There will be times you feel like OP. And there will be times that you're overwhelmed with the love for your little one. Enjoy it. They're only youngboce, and believe it or not....you'll miss the early days once they're gone.

3,402

daddit

[deleted]

3,403

daddit

It's hard being thrown into it with almost no idea of what you're actually gonna have to do. Things never go exactly as planned. Just load up on coffee and be flexible and ready to learn. Don't shy away from offers for help from family and friends.

3,404

daddit

Congratulations! The thing about parenting is that it doesn't matter how many prenatal classes you do or which books you read nothing can truly prepare you for fatherhood. It's like being hit in the face with a shovel. Things get easier though. The first time they smile at you, not wind, really smile at you your heart will melt. When they hear your voice and turn around to see you with a grin on their face and a smile in their eyes because they know daddy's home from work. When they're being held by someone else and they turn to you and stretch their arms out because they'd prefer you to hold them. When there's a silly game they won't play with anyone else (my son won't high five anyone but me - but he will only lift his arms up and splash them in the bath for mummy.) Top tip: if all of baby's needs have been met; fed, warm, clean nappy etc. and you're getting stressed they still won't stop crying, walk away. Go into the garden for a few minutes. They won't die but it'll give you a few minutes too clear your head and try again to soothe them.

3,405

daddit

Just three days of lacking or interrupted sleep can lead to PTSD-like symptoms, including delirium. Just one missed night can raise your blood pressure. Stress and lack of sleep are two major issues in PPD. Sure, I don't agree with how OP remedied it, but that's personal. They should really read the /r/AskReddit post about parents with special needs kids. That is really dark.

3,406

daddit

If you ever thought about putting a bullet in your brain after seeing someone you've known for months die right in front of you, maybe you just aren't cut out to be a soldier! (/s) In all seriousness the elitism and thoughtcrime-esque condemning from commenters in this thread is mildly disturbing. The man is trying to improve. No one is perfect, and there is no obvious formula for "your kids are total fucked up shits because of you". He loves his kid, and he's trying his best. That's what matters.

3,407

daddit

I'm not a doctor but OP just wrote he is insecure because of his perception that his wife is being a better parent. PPD, or just selfishly narcissistic?

3,408

daddit

I think we need to acknowledge that men can also suffer from PPD.

3,409

daddit

It's Post Partum Depression or Psychosis. It happens to fathers but isn't very widely talked-about.

3,410

daddit

No, I agree with you. I do not believe hate for your child is rational in any way. Hating your new life, lack of sleep, lack of spare time or any similar thoughts are very understandable.

3,411

daddit

I'm here from /r/all, and I'm not sure why this is getting so much support/approval. It seems like this kid is in for a really rough life if his father takes out his emotional insecurities on his children, especially if it's to the point of wanting to punch a baby in the face. Like seriously, what the fuck am I reading? You may hate your new life, your lack of sleep, your added stress, and your emotional instability, but how can you actually *hate* a baby? This is some Casey Anthony shit.

3,412

daddit

Everyone has a different journey to progress as a person. Sometimes we're put in situations that we're not ready for, and we have a choice to either remain that small person, or to grow a little and become better for it. There are so many responses to you condemning this guy, but all I see is a person who made the conscious choice to become better, and his child will reap the rewards.

3,413

daddit

Seriously, dude needs to see a psychiatrist.

3,414

daddit

Like yourself, I'm not sure how someone could have such intensely negative feelings, unless they had a lot of extreme emotional repression going on... don't want to face your reality and bottle things up? It's going to come out in nasty ways. Think OP may want to do a bit of self assessment - more than just this epiphany, there's probably a lot more going on which should probably be addressed. However, I digress. A great mindset to have as a parent... is one where you have chosen to raise a child. Because from that point, any action of the child or you, is all based on your conscious decision to take up that mantle and run with it. This doesn't mean you won't experience misery, lack of sleep or frustration..... those are normal for anyone. It took me a looooong time to bond with both of my boys, but I put in the effort because it's what I wanted. Now I have some of the most open and well behaved boys a parent could want (18 &amp; 5 years). Having difficulty bonding is one thing, having a hard time coping, being sleep deprived and irritable are all understandable and shouldn't raise red flags... Negative emotions such as hate and loathing and feelings or thoughts of harm are red flags that the person is in need of help.

3,415

daddit

Pretty much have loved my kids since I caught them coming out. I was 27 when my son was born. We had already been married 2 years. I was expecting and prepared for a loss of freedom. We also had really good birthing classes, the Bradley Method, which helped prepare us for the helplessness you feel when nothings worked. We even had tons of colic and reflux issues. Wife had to go on restricted diet. I didn't "feel it" sometimes. But for me love and duty go hand in hand so even when I wasn't feeling the love my sense of duty kicked in and I did what needed to be done anyways. Selflessness is difficult. But the more you do it the easier it gets. The more you've always done your own thing the harder it is to deny your own desires and take care of the pooping screaming machine. Starting with little things and keep trying and trying and trying. Like some others mentioned, the OP could have probably used some therapy to discover his actual insecurities and give him better coping mechanisms than smoking weed.

3,416

daddit

I didn't have any strong negative feelings towards my baby, but I'm surely not about to judge someone else for their reaction. Becoming a new parent is the most life changing event I can think of. The added responsibility is immediate and is amplified by a lack of sleep. If there's any moment to have a mini crisis, it's this. So no, I'm not willing to call someone a bad parent because he had difficulties adjusting along with some uncontrollable bad thoughts. I actually commend him for his honesty and his ability to reevaluate his situation for the better.

3,417

daddit

Completely agree, this post made me nauseous.

3,418

daddit

[deleted]

3,419

daddit

You're not the only one who's had your experience. OP is not the only one who's had his experience. Based on the comments here, there are clearly enough people in the latter group that it's not predictive of problems down the road. So please stop suggesting that people who have done nothing wrong are terrible parents who should give their children up for adoption.

3,420

daddit

Right there with you, pal. Hate losing the freedom of the life without responsibility, love the child unconditionally.

3,421

daddit

You know, I kinda get you and this dad at the same time. I sorta had a similar reaction but it manifested differently. Soon after my daughter was born I kept having these irrational thoughts about something horrible happening to her. Car accident, fire, fall down the steps. Soon it was full on nightmares 3-4 times a week about her dying or me accidentally killing her....crazy shit! Like a couple months this went on. Finally it dawned on me that, I loved her so much that I was not sure how I could function or deal with it if something happened to her. Like, my brain was running simulation scenarios, testing it out, trying to process how to still be me and accept the reality that life is fragile, just a bunch of existential shit. The second I realized that it stopped. The day off, basically. .....kids....fucking crazy....

3,422

daddit

I'm the same. For me it is tied to understanding that a baby is a baby. I know that sounds odd but I see parents all the time trying to rationalize with their baby or three year old... it's just not going to work. It's more productive and easier for you to fully understand how a baby acts rather than expecting them to act based off of your rationalization... they don't even have the equipment or experience to dip their toes into that pond, but you can meet them on their level easily. As an elementary teacher I would always counsel this: if you find yourself yelling at a student, you have already lost. Many men think that violence is the viable answer because that is how society raised us. It might be different on an individual basis, but most men are taught not to cry when they are sad, because sadness is weakness (it's not, it's normal) and that their default states should be happiness or anger... those are allowed. Love is a tricky one, we aren't showed how to express love properly. It can be tricky for many men to deal with a baby. I'm only saying this because you said you can't understand where those emotions come from. I hope I haven't talked too long on the subject.

3,423

daddit

You are absolutely not the only one; no one is saying everyone feels like OP. But not everyone feels like you, either. We are a wide, varied, and diverse species; lots of folks feel different ways about being a parent, and we each get to deal with that in our own way. Finding others who feel similarly to you and have handled it can be really helpful, so don't bash folks who are trying to do what they can.

3,424

daddit

You're definitely not, but I do remember those feelings if not wanting the baby around with my first born. It's a huge life shift and everyone handles it differently. For me, my second was so much easier because I could see an end to the all night crying, the taking of 100% of my wife's attention, etc. But yeah with my first, those nights seemed endless...

3,425

daddit

That was my thought. I can't relate to this post at all. I understand the fear of being a new dad, but the hateful language by OP is waaaaay over the top. There are much bigger issues here, even with the turnaround at the end.

3,426

daddit

You OP comes off as a total narcissist douche bag if I'm being quite honest. "I felt violent hate for my child because I sucked at being a parent!" Wtf is that shit.

3,427

daddit

Me too. I could her him cry forever and not get angry, but I do want it to stop because a) I don't want him to be suffering or in pain, and b) it upsets my wife a lot.

3,428

daddit

I was reading this post hoping it would turn around. I have never felt hate for my son, and it is weird to me that anybody could legitimately hate their child. Sleepless nights and being frustrated are normal but wanting to punch your child is a real problem. I'm glad this guy find his own real issue. But, if any dad reading this feels those feelings, I would highly suggest talking to somebody about it.

3,429

daddit

You're not special because you use different terms to describe when you get frustrated. Many people who love their children deeply still get frustrated and say things like "I wanted to punch that baby" when the thought of that never actually entered their mind. It's like when someone says "I wanted to kill them" when really they are saying someone frustrated them. How do you not get that? I feel like being THAT clueless must mean you fall somewhere on the spectrum.

3,430

daddit

I can sort of see how it would go in someones mind. You're tired, frustrated, worried, scared, whatever. If someone has those feelings and doesn't have a look into themselves, the wife and kid were right in front of him. He took the easy obvious target. But he figured it out. Kudos.

3,431

daddit

It's a mental illness. One that can be dealt with, but one that absolutely requires attention. It's perfectly normal to not feel bonded to your child for the first few months. And it's perfectly normal to stress about things like sleep deprivation and the loss of your freedom. But it's definitely not normal to hate your child to the point of wanting to punch him.

3,432

daddit

There are plenty of times when "nature going about its business" is both cute and annoying. Such is life. The important thing to remember is there is no one "right" way to feel.

3,433

daddit

I felt exhausted, not up to the task, and at points, not empathic to my son at all, but never hatred. That's not healthy or normal. He had colic so I would walk around with him screaming for hours at a time so hard my ears ring to this day, but he was literally helpless and while it was impossible to bond at first, I would never allow him to come to harm, and that means doing the best you can to keep him safe. And, of course, the colic eventually ended and we started bonding eventually :)

3,434

daddit

I love mine all the time too man. I know he doesn't WANT to cry or feel shitty...who would ever choose that? Their brains are just a torrent of chemicals and emotions, they're figuring it all out as they go, and they have quite literally ZERO perspective on life and what is and isn't a big deal. How's he supposed to understand that as awful as it seems when I say 1 more minute of playtime and then bed...somewhere out there are kids dying to hunger or being raped and beaten right now, and that bedtime with a nice full tummy, two parents who adore you, and a soft bed in a lovely warm house would truly be heaven to countless millions of little ones. It's just not possible to really explain to him why it's not worth being upset, so I'll just hold him tight in my arms and sing this Polish song to him that I don't understand a word of, but my Nana sung to me...pretty soon all is right again in the world, and I tell him about all the wonderful stuff we'll keep doing when he wakes up the next day. No matter how big the meltdown, I make sure to gently get him out of it and have him thinking happy thoughts again so that he'll have nice sweet dreams. Children are just so unbelievably beautiful and precious. I've always loved kids, but being a dad has truly enlarged my heart. My wife and I have another on the way and I'm just so excited to meet him, hold him, and start seeing what he's like as it slowly gets revealed.

3,435

daddit

How is It wrong to think about punching someone in the face? I kill about twenty people in my thoughts everyday. Who are you to judge about coping skills? Kids can be hell.

3,436

daddit

I've had moments thinking stuff like our daughter was annoying, wished that she was with her grandparents and stuff like that. I've taken time off work just to be at home and do nothing at all, even though i dropped her off at the daycare in the morning. I wouldn't say everything is just lovely and jolly good, as a parent, but i too really have a hard time sympathizing with OP.

3,437

daddit

I'm with you, but not everyone bonds with their child immediately. Someone like OP might not love the baby for a long while, yet they still must endure weeks of sleepless nights and dirty diapers. Granted, wanting to punch your baby is extreme (to say the least), but it's not unusual to be pessimistic in that scenario.

3,438

daddit

Well it's not normal, but there's people out there who aren't normal and who need help.

3,439

daddit

I don't think that's fair. He's sick with some real mental issues that he needs help with. He's only a piece of shit if he doesn't get help.

3,440

daddit

[deleted]

3,441

daddit

Agreed. Disgusting post. There's depression and sleep depravity and being a first time parent, then there's preferring a used condom over your child

3,442

daddit

This is the same dumb, arrogant, ignorant, asinine stubbornness that sentenced generations of mother's into depression and in some cases suicide. Congratulations you are a fucking piece of shit.

3,443

daddit

Seriously, what a fucking me first asshole. Jeeeeeeesus

3,444

daddit

My thoughts exactly. How can you hate something? Something must have happen in his childhood for such feelings to arise.

3,445

daddit

Yeah not to pile on but if this someone's reaction to not knowing how to do something... eesh.

3,446

daddit

I thought he was typing out the plot of "We need to talk about Kevin"

3,447

daddit

I had a shitty job and absolutely zero prospects at age 25 when I started smoking weed. Now 31, summa cum laude college graduate, two kids, married, much better job. I feel you.

3,448

daddit

white noise. Loud. Grab it on Spotify

3,449

daddit

Not everyone's the same

3,450

daddit

I couldn't figure out why I had to watch a "don't shake the baby" video before my wife was discharged. 3 weeks later, I get it. He's such a frustrating little dude.

3,451

daddit

It is very common. A baby changes your life completely, you stop sleeping, lose appetite and your life is upside down. Plus the babies are absolutely selfish and demanding, so it's quite normal to feel your life is not your own anymore and blame your kid for that, thus the hate. I'm a father of a two and a half years old boy. I never had those feelings for my kid but I can totally relate to OP and appreciate him coming out so honest. And it pisses me off all the idiots who probably never had a baby close by saying he should leave his kid. I just hope one day they'll realise how tough parenthood is and the effort it takes to mature like OP did. And fathers need to talk about it, just like mothers do. It's accepted that mothers can have mental issues with their babies, but if a father comes out then he's weak and should "man up". That's pretty fucked up

3,452

daddit

You mean aside from the reasons OP talked about?

3,453

daddit

it cures cancer. papa bless

3,454

daddit

That was oddly beautiful :)

3,455

daddit

Actually he sounds like an honest and self-effacing person to me. Pretty sure those are qualities you need to have to be able to grow. I think he'll be alright.

3,456

daddit

Well I learned something new! Thanks you special sort of prick.

3,457

daddit

[removed]

3,458

daddit

Reading comprehension would help tremendously here. You've missed the point mate. He's expounding on his emotional journey. That bold sentence is for you.

3,459

daddit

>GROW THE FUCK UP YOU PRICK! >peace and love. Pick one.

3,460

daddit

Read the whole thing before running your mouth, fuck for brains.

3,461

daddit

First three months can be brutal especially.

3,462

daddit

I take it you've never been truly sleep deprived for weeks? It brings out some unsettling aspects of your human psyche

3,463

daddit

-Reads story of man improving his life through self-reflection. -Call him a whiny bitch. You must have a number of issues, sad.

3,464

daddit

Someone's dad didn't give them enough hugs!

3,465

daddit

Haha

3,466

daddit

[deleted]

3,467

daddit

Did you read to the end?

3,468

daddit

We're both teachers too!

3,469

daddit

Do you want a little asshole kid? Cause this is how you get an asshole kid.

3,470

daddit

You gave up too soon.

3,471

daddit

Did you bother reading?

3,472

daddit

hahaha.

3,473

daddit

Hey man, I have a suggestion for you. Maybe instead of killing your son, just kill yourself instead. The world would be much better off. Edit: Jesus Christ reddit why did you upvote this comment?

3,474

daddit

THere is literally no such thing! Babies do not come out of men. All a man has to do is stick his dick in once. You are all pathetic faggots and your children will hate you.

3,475

daddit

I was starting to think he was a troll. 10/10 OP put me through the roller coaster.

3,476

daddit

i thought he meant wide like, the world wide web.

3,477

daddit

Perhaps he meant 'broad'.

3,478

daddit

I once told my sister I was picking up my wife at hooker depot because she'd found a new knob.

3,479

daddit

I thought this was some code word for pot I'd never heard.

3,480

daddit

[deleted]

3,481

daddit

Damn -- one typo deserves an otter.

3,482

daddit

Everyone is in the nursery posting on their phone.

3,483

daddit

Oh RaptorJesus, please watch over u/OssotSromo and keep him from harm.

3,484

daddit

joke

3,485

daddit

Hey he already admitted to being flawed, no need to rub it in ;)

3,486

daddit

Didn't want the pound sign. Really wanted emphasis on that point. I'm on mobile and didn't even think about it until you said something to be honest hahaha

3,487

daddit

I'm a substitute kindergarten teacher, so I spend a lot of time around basically tall-ass toddlers, and I'd be willing to vouch for this guy's sanity 100%. Feeling incompetent is an awful thing, especially when you're in charge of a little life, and I come home a lot thinking I don't want kids, feeling like I just suck and kids are terrible and maybe I should just be writer or a copyeditor or something instead. To your point, I don't think he had to smoke weed to stop resenting his newborn, so much as he needed to realize that his problem wasn't hate but anxiety and impotence. Pot helped him put his feelings in perspective, and I'm not sure that's a bad thing because he eventually got to a point where he came to terms with his feelings and now, 2 and a half months later, would do anything for his son.

3,488

daddit

Dude was just stressed to the max. Can you blame him? All the weed did was put him in a new state of mind and it helped him realize he was wrong. I see nothing wrong with that.

3,489

daddit

I agree that therapy would be a great second step. But let's not be judgemental. OP took the first step in acknowledging his struggles. The next step is seeking help. Being a dad is tough. I have a shorter temper than I realized, but I also have two incredible young boys (almost 3 & 1.5) that I love dearly.

3,490

daddit

People need ways to cope with the changes in their lives. Some smoke weed. Some go fishing. Some go on walks. All of these are better vents then drinking oneself under the table, taking opiods, or even killing themselves because they waited till it was too late to release their demons. He'll get there, and had you been a father you'd understand his position and how he feels. Every man feels this way to some degree, we just don't normally talk about it.

3,491

daddit

> If you need to smoke weed to stop hating your newborn you are messed up in the head and should stay well away incase you do something that you regret. Thats not even close to what he said. There is so much wrong with your comment it is sad. If I were you, random redditor, I'd leave the diagnosis to professionals. Thinking of harming your child is very common in PPD. Educate yourself and stopd talking like an armchair analyst - DUDE.

3,492

daddit

Judgemental much?

3,493

daddit

TIL weed smokers = baby shakers. Yikes, what a mindset

3,494

daddit

Instead of showing empathy towards his personal efforts and ponderings, you stay in the comfortable holier than thou zone. It's fucking selfish and I hate that.

3,495

daddit

[deleted]

3,496

daddit

Would happily murder his son if he wouldn't go to prison.

3,497

daddit

Yeah.... I get having negative feelings towards your baby, but the whole "I would murder him in a world with no consequences".... that's beyond bad feelings. If you think that you would intentionally harm your child then I think that qualifies as needing professional mental help.

3,498

daddit

Yeah, it's a bit much.

3,499

daddit

[Here's some advice on choosing a therapist](http://www.metanoia.org/choose/), if you feel like reading. I'll say that not everything listed there was helpful/made sense to me, but it's got some solid advice, and it's fairly easy to tell what will and won't matter for you. As someone else said, contacting your primary doctor or your insurance company can be good ways to get some names in your area. And not everyone who offers CBT will advertise it as such; you may want to call and ask.

3,500

daddit

the type of therapy matters far less than whether or not you are able to trust the person enough to be vulnerable and say what is most difficult to say. go to someone local that you look like you might be able to open up to. The rest is honestly just details.