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6,901 | daddit | Honestly I stopped reading after the top comment said to let the other kids parents know and figured everything else would fall in that line. Glad I stopped there. Boys wreaking shit and getting dirty is boys will be boys. My wife gets creepy messages online and it pisses me off. If that happened to my kids I would be a lot more aggressive. Edit: just saw where OP talked to his daughter about the kids parent. Now I would either go to the school or the police. Scorched earth policy in effect. |
6,902 | daddit | Yup. Trash will always be trash. If you don’t agree with OP here then F you and your tiny dick mentality |
6,903 | daddit | As much as I agree with you OP, I was suspended for 3 days posting something very innocuous in a thread about a dad's 13 year old daughter dating. "Temporarily Banned for Sexualization of Minors" I had said something to the effect of "Make sure your daughter knows about birth control". I have little doubt that the OP of that thread reported me. I have no desire to get permabanned, and so I can't post in this type of thread. |
6,904 | daddit | [deleted] |
6,905 | daddit | These are the types of men who’s sons will send unsolicited nudes to women in college or even go to extremes and commit revenge porn. |
6,906 | daddit | Guaranteed every 'dad' that states "boys will be boys" is a sex offender |
6,907 | daddit | Wish my dad is still alive |
6,908 | daddit | [removed] |
6,909 | daddit | [deleted] |
6,910 | daddit | Additionally, if you're not teaching your children about contractions, you're part of another problem. |
6,911 | daddit | [removed] |
6,912 | daddit | I would most definitely ruin that kids life and report him Either that, or go to jail for assult on a minor. |
6,913 | daddit | Edit: I don't feel comfortable sharing that which I shared. |
6,914 | daddit | I thought about this a little bit, and I feel like a simple “I’m not interested” reply would be sufficient at first as well as a talk with the kids parents. There isn’t any need to get police involved until it turns into a bigger problem |
6,915 | daddit | Guess I missed that post. Can someone share a link so I can get caught up? |
6,916 | daddit | If you're not going to use 'you're', you're part of a larger problem. The casual nature with which you use 'your' when you meant to use 'you're', AFTER so many disturbing incidences leaves me with no choice but to become numb to it. |
6,917 | daddit | [removed] |
6,918 | daddit | As a father of a son thanks I didn't think about it this way. He's only 8 months but he is quite the flirt already lol |
6,919 | daddit | “Boys will be… in the ground” |
6,920 | daddit | Boys will be boys, and some boys do bad stuff. Which also means boys should reap the consequences for their behaviour as well. |
6,921 | daddit | Agreed, sorry I missed the other post. |
6,922 | daddit | Great job! I've heard a similar story more then once. A woman I went to school with that is a reacquainted friend now had told me about an incident with her well developed 13yo daughter. A boy approached her and instead of saying something to the tune of "hi I like yoy want to hang out" his "pick up line" was "yo, let me get at dem titties". So she smacked him. A teacher saw her smack him so she was given 3 days out of school suspension and even after my friend and her husband came in to protest the boy received zero penalty and his parents were not notified to the best of her knowledge. It's become a problem of cultural acceptance and it's time for the culture to be turned on its head. |
6,923 | daddit | Your son comes in covered in mud after playing tag. That's "boys will be boys". Your son comes home with a busted wheel on his bicycle because he was showing off a "sick trick". That's "boys will be boys". Sexual harassment is not "boys will be boys". |
6,924 | daddit | Let’s not let that language stick any more…if someone says ‘boys will be boys,’ let’s ask them what they mean. For example, in the post OP is referencing, if the dad of the boy (who sent a dick pic) was like “boys will be boys” then I think we need to say, “do you mean that boys will sexually exploit themselves and sexually harass others, and that that is natural, expected, and accepted?” It’s uncomfortable, but it’s what we needed to expose what the true sentiment behind those maxims are. |
6,925 | daddit | I really think this logic cheapens the whole conversation. If you're reason for not being awful to women is that you have a mother/sister/daughter, then you're not being empathetic because it's still (potentially) about YOU and how YOU would feel about that happening to someone know. It's still making the conversation about men and how men feel. Is it better than being a dick or abusive? Yeah of course, but it's got to be better to have a conversation about how these people have an inherent value and deserve respect in and of themselves, they're not just valuable and deserving of respect because they remind you of someone you know. My daughter doesn't deserve your respect because of anything to do with you or how you feel about your daughters. She just deserves it. |
6,926 | daddit | It's disgusting! I hate those dad's! They are always like "you have girls, I don't have to worry about that, I have boys." Fuck you stupid dad's supporting that behavior. I Support this post 100% |
6,927 | daddit | I don’t find it surprising once you realize how those “men” treat women |
6,928 | daddit | It is disturbing, but children are a product of their environment. People who dismiss this as “boys will be boys” are modeling that behavior for their kids. It doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it does explain it. It’s up to us as parents to stop that cycle! |
6,929 | daddit | I have all boys and I can tel you I would be whooping my sons’ behinds and they wouldn’t even touch another phone for a long time. |
6,930 | daddit | Are you a dad or a mom? |
6,931 | daddit | Same, with a 5 yo and 3 yo girls, it terrifies me, and as you said, it is easier to categorically denounce the kid's action whilst being more unsure of the action to take in response. There are a lot of factors that play into it: the kid's age, do you know his parents, has he otherwise been okay, what the daughter wants, etc. To flat out say this or that action is right or wrong, to me, reeks of arrogance. My initial thought was start with the parents, then the school, then authorities, but IDK. The best advice I saw was to tell everyone he "audited" her phone without her knowledge, so she would be blameless as to the repercussions and not get any retaliation (hopefully). |
6,932 | daddit | Such a great stance! I’ll bet the bio dad isn’t such a fan of that! But bonus dad in it to win! |
6,933 | daddit | Abso-fucking-lutely. My wife and I have 2 young boys and they will NEVER get a pass on being an asshole. I don’t care who it’s to or what severity it is. |
6,934 | daddit | Boys will be boys, but laws will be laws, and sending dick pics is, as fas as I know in the US a crime. Sexual assault and regarding the original post of a teen boy, it could be child pornography as well. We have such a horrible cultural snandard of asking 'what did the victim do to cause the problem' and totally brush over 'they are the victim, the perpetrator is the one who did wrong!' |
6,935 | daddit | Yup. Ours is 7 now but at that early age we started the consent conversation by allowing her to not hug people she didn't want. Nothing sexual about the conversation. If Aunt Whatever wants a hug or kiss but Girl says no, that is her answer. Had some arguments with grandmas and such over the years, but I think it is important to start the discussion early, and at age appropriate levels. |
6,936 | daddit | Same. For us if she says, “No” during any part of our play time I drop what we’re doing completely. I want to know her words have power when she’s this age and older. Honestly fuck that “boys will be boys” mentality. |
6,937 | daddit | My daughter is a little over 2 and this subject boils my blood. Thank you for showing support to the subject. |
6,938 | daddit | I wish I didn't have so much anxiety after finding out I'm having a girl a couple days ago. I'm excited, don't get me wrong... but even before this post I had already been thinking about how disgusting/cruel a lot of men can be and what life will be like for my daughter. Feel like I would lose my shit if this happened to my kid... I guess it's even more reason to get educated and read stuff like this so I will handle things responsibly god forbid it does happen. I just wish things were better. On the plus side I was expecting way more "boys will be boys" types of responses, so I was at least pleasantly surprised to read plenty of comments that shared the disgust and outrage. I won't even bother scrolling down to see the rest. |
6,939 | daddit | This right here. I said as much in the other thread. Creating and distributing child pornography. |
6,940 | daddit | Wait, don't go yet! Which one was the bad advice? Was it going to the other parents? Or going to the school? Those two seem to be the most common answers. What should us dad's be doing for our daughters? |
6,941 | daddit | Wow, point made perfectly!! Thank you for your contribution! |
6,942 | daddit | I've absolutely no negative stance and this is no "gotcha" , purely academic question . Why is it "men" and "some women" ? Why include that it's only some women but blanket statement men? Again, not looking for any argument, just curious. |
6,943 | daddit | I was sexually assaulted twice when i was younger and it was always taught that i should just be glad a girl is willing to touch me. Just because you have boys doesn't mean this shouldn't be in your radar. |
6,944 | daddit | Well said and I absolutely agree. I appreciate your contribution to the discussion. It's a very valuable addition. |
6,945 | daddit | The most downvoted comments are all the ones saying to report it so they don’t ruin the boys life |
6,946 | daddit | I haven't gone back and checked it's current status or the status of any of the comments but at the time that I read it there was an absolutely overwhelming number of "men" giving op the advice of don't go to the police instead teach your daughter how to be safe. 1 individual particularly posted several times advocating for op to just let it go and teach his daughter how to cope. |
6,947 | daddit | Doppelgänger vibes here, also raised by a single mom, as well as two older sisters, 11 week old daughter, army vet haha. Growing up seeing how some shitty boys treated my sisters really set me up early with an understanding of what women go through. Also, my Army cleaning skills really made me a hero when it came to having bottles and pumps always washed lol. |
6,948 | daddit | Who said he shouldn't be held accountable for his actions? |
6,949 | daddit | Girls don’t need to be used as learning tools for boys behavior. The girl is also young and doesn’t deserve to open her phone to a dick pic. We need to stop accepting that all our daughters will eventually face some level of sexual assault in their life |
6,950 | daddit | There's like 3 comments like that. Clearly enough to warrant this thread.. |
6,951 | daddit | I halfway disagree with the contacting the parents first thing, if i know the parents personally, sure, if i dont, yeah naw, imma contact authorities. Theres no way to judge the reaction of the parents beforehand, this could lead to futher abuse for a troubled kid, could lead to harassment of my own family etc etc |
6,952 | daddit | That one https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/widgql/my_daughter_received_unsolicited_sext_messages/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share |
6,953 | daddit | That’s the problem: not everyone does agree. They may say they do but trotting out the “boys will be boys” bullshit (or any other justification) demonstrates otherwise. |
6,954 | daddit | Another father on here posted about his young teen daughter being sent a dick pic by another young teen boy and that she was deeply upset by it. There were so many people saying that op should not go to the police because it might ruin the boys life and that he should instead just teach his daughter how to cope with it that my blood is boiling. I can not remember the last time I've been so angry about anything. |
6,955 | daddit | How can someone learn they need to reexamine their position if they aren't exposed to information that nudges them in that direction? I completly understand the anger towards people like that and if they stand by that view then I agree they should fuck off and do so quickly but we all need opportunities to self examine so that we can decide a change is necessary. |
6,956 | daddit | OK, so what's your response when the school is a mandatory reporter and just goes right to the police? If you can't go to the authorities that be (school, police) and the parents defend their kid, how do you ensure that kid gets the education/consequences for what he did? Genuine question. |
6,957 | daddit | If you look at the other thread OP was advocating for exactly that, saying to call the police on a 13 year old. He also attacked people who disagreed with him saying he hopes they die and accusing them of being abusers themselves. |
6,958 | daddit | Honestly, if one of my kids did this, they’d wish they had never heard of anybody else involved. If the police come into the mix, sorry, son. I tried to teach you better but you didn’t learn. |
6,959 | daddit | [removed] |
6,960 | daddit | Absolutely. I agree that the porn discussion needs to be included in the discussion with our kids and that it is also a major contributing factor to the hypersexuilization of women. |
6,961 | daddit | . |
6,962 | daddit | Absolutely! You hit the nail on the head with why I made the post! It is a part of culture world wide to sexualise females and it starts young. I have trouble finding shorts for my daughter that I feel are appropriate. Boys shorts are sized to go right above their knee while girls shorts are sized to go right below their crotch. |
6,963 | daddit | Go check again. If I gave a shit about the karma then I'd give a shit about the reddit coins and wouldn't have specifically said to stop giving awards to this post if it give me anything such as reddit coins. |
6,964 | daddit | That was for the Christians |
6,965 | daddit | Fair enough. Agree with your comment though. |
6,966 | daddit | Beautifully said! Thank you for that contribution! |
6,967 | daddit | Someone did post a link to the thread in one of the first few comments here maybe I should go find it and include it in the post. |
6,968 | daddit | I understand your frustration. Mods are often people like you and me that make mistakes. Unfortunately it seems to be a habit for that generalized group of people to not be the type to admit being wrong or to actively fix their mistakes. I hope you don't censor yourself in the future out of fear of being banned when you feel you have valuable input. I've been perma banned from other subs and time period banned from other subs including daddit once. If I had any advice to give it would be to face sensitive topics with scrutiny. Write your comment, don't post it for 10 minutes then read it again. If you still feel it's the most valuable way you can say what needs to be said then take the risk and post it. |
6,969 | daddit | Thanks for the recommendation, I'll look for it. |
6,970 | daddit | Actually, that's not what was said and you should go reread it. But incase you choose not to ill sumarize it again for you. What I said was my initial reaction is to go beat the kid and his father BUT I'm glad I'm seeing in myself that that is my knee jerk reaction because now that I know what my knee jerk reaction is I have learned more about myself and I can behave appropriately which would be to first speak with the kids parents and if I felt they were taking it as seriously as me I would not go to the police but if I felt they were not taking it as serious as me then I would go to the police. At no point did I say the appropriate response was to assault anyone. |
6,971 | daddit | If this is your contribution to a thread like this, just sit yourself down and have a nice long think about how fucked up you are. |
6,972 | daddit | I say your religiously and intentionally to trigger low life trolls like you. Thanks for allowing me to add you to my ever growing list of worthless trolls. |
6,973 | daddit | I don't give a flying fuck about proper English on reddit or any other public media. If I gave a shit about the spelling difference between your and you're or don't and don't etc. I'd use it. But since we're on the subject of shitty parents I had 2 that literally taught me nothing. Yea I get it you think that shows. I still don't give a flying fuck. IRL I'm respected, educated and well paid in what I do and I don't need the approval of a fucking troll who's take on the seriousness of this post is to try and shame me for my Grammer, spelling or sentence structure. Fuck off, fall hard and learn something about what's important. |
6,974 | daddit | Honestly, if I was on your jury after that I wouldnt necessarily find you guilty. |
6,975 | daddit | Absolutely. If this was my daughter that suffered this my first impulse would be to behave irrationally and violently so I'm in a way glad I'm facing it now in this way so I have a chance to learn how I would react and instead teach myself to instead act appropriately. Beating the kid senseless along with his father would only serve to teach my daughter the wrong way to think and behave but would also take me away from her which would only increase her pain from the experience. |
6,976 | daddit | So you'd deal with a negative situation by invoking more negativity? Classic Reddit lunacy. This is why the world gets darker, because people lack judgment. |
6,977 | daddit | You want to ruin a 13 y/o kids life over a possible mistake? |
6,978 | daddit | I feel like it already is a bigger problem and that's why I wanted to start this discussion. I feel as though responding with not interested is putting the weight on the female to be the bigger person. I believe that a man that runs his mouth can't complain if someone takes his teeth and that goes the same for any behavior. If you do something you know is wrong and you know potentially has major consequences you can't cry its not fair when you receive the harshest possible penalty. It shouldn't be up to women to respond politely or calmly or respectfully it should be up to the male to not take inappropriate action. |
6,979 | daddit | I’d go one step further and say we should drop the phrase boys will be boys entirely. Everyone of those scenarios also applies to girls |
6,980 | daddit | Thank you! Boys will be boys isn't a blanket excuse for shit behavior. |
6,981 | daddit | "Boys will be boys" should be "kid will be kids", and it should mean stuff like finding the only mud puddle in a drought and bringing home toads and such. It should not be an excuse for awful behavior. |
6,982 | daddit | I think another uncomfortable point is that it will force some people to come to terms with the fact that they were the aggressors. Which I don't think anyone wants to do. No one wants to be the bad guy. But it's necessary to admit fault, grow from it, and learn from mistakes. |
6,983 | daddit | If either of my boys ever did anything like that I’d call the cops myself. I like to think we’ve taught them better. Maybe the cops coming will scare some sense into them. |
6,984 | daddit | I get where you are coming from. I suspect you and OP and I didn’t need this post. As I said in a follow up, I’m shocked people can have a daughter and not re-evaluate their views. Edit:clarity |
6,985 | daddit | It’s not just dads who dismiss that behavior, moms do it too. I wish that mentality would shift. |
6,986 | daddit | Right. But you would think that having daughters would make them think differently. |
6,987 | daddit | Are you a supporter of sexual abuse in children or a father? |
6,988 | daddit | Why does that matter? |
6,989 | daddit | Idk about OP, but I'm a dad and I absolutely think we're mostly responsible for how our kids turn out and we need to realize the responsibilities of our role. |
6,990 | daddit | Bonus dad, I love that. |
6,991 | daddit | Great info. Been looking for ways to instill a sense of body autonomy. |
6,992 | daddit | Same here. This is extremely important to us from day one. My daughter has complete choice over whether or not someone gets to touch her and is not obligated to hug or kiss when saying hi or goodbye. It takes some drilling into the heads of the grandparents but they’re pretty good about it now. Kids need to learn that it’s their body and they get to choose. You want them to be able to have bodily autonomy and understand they have the right to say no when they’re 13, 16, 18, 23? It starts at 1 and 2 years old. |
6,993 | daddit | Absolutely. I’m trying to find ways to teach her that her body belongs to her. And that her words have power. |
6,994 | daddit | It seems to me that the shitty behavior is learned right? My dad never told me not to sexually harass women but he never had to. I was taught to love and respect my mom and by extension to respect other women as well. |
6,995 | daddit | As a father of a 2yof, it is absolutely amazing. The fact that you’re anxious about it means you’re being serious about very realistic possibilities. This makes me think you’re going to be a great dad. Enjoy your daughter and be a good father. Congratulations on the up-coming kiddo! |
6,996 | daddit | Yeah there’s a certain set of fears that come with having a kid, and an additional set of fears on top that come with having a girl. I certainly can’t shake it, but I can raise her to be empowered, intelligent, and to know what a good man does and does not do. |
6,997 | daddit | I just went and read some of the comments (initially saw the post when it only had 2) and I’m just disappointed esp because daddit is usually pretty progressive on a lot of topics |
6,998 | daddit | Since 13 is junior high I’d initially go with one posters suggestion of contacting the school in hopes they’d act as the “police” between me and the other parents. Encouraging them to have an assembly/class with a police and maybe womans violence advocate/speaker come. I’d want a paper trail that my kid was sent unsolicited cp by another minor and that she might face bullying because 1. She told me and/or 2. She didn’t give him the reaction he wanted and then id escalate to the real police if bullying happens or no other type of discipline/education. Honestly that would be my “safe” response who knows in 10 years I might just go straight to them because you keep seeing stories about how xyz was reported to the school and nothing came of it and then xyz happens and everyone was pikachu face on how it could have got that bad. But at no point would I brush it under the rug and just accept “boys will be boys” and it’s no biggie let’s not get him in trouble if his parents don’t gaf |
6,999 | daddit | No they don't deserve it. And the parents should respond to the behavior and discipline the child proportionally. If they don't care, then you go to the police. I would be distraught if I had a boy and his life was ruined over a stupid picture he sent as a child. Remember, both the boy and the daughter are still children. He may have acted criminally, and anyone is within their rights to go to the police, but personally I would prefer a more measured response to the offence and give him a chance to learn before I ruin his life with criminal charges. As to the second part of your comment, you're better off being a realist and teaching your daughters how to handle it, because all the good intentions in the world won't stop predatory behaviour. Our daughters will be sexually harassed at some point in their life and all the outrage on reddit won't change that, as sad as that reality may be. I'm sure everyone will act like my comment is supporting sexual violence, but reddit needs to stop operating in black and white and remember there's a while spectrum of situations in between. |
7,000 | daddit | I have to agree with you completly. It's not acceptable to say that girls should just deal with it even once and by saying they should for the sake of the still learning boy is not ok with me. I do however agree that there is nothing wrong with going to the boys parents first and if at that time it's felt that they are taking it as seriously as the parents of the victim and they were convincing enough that they will be handling it swiftly, aggressively and severely then I personally could be persuaded to not go to the cops for a first offense IF the victim said that was acceptable WITHOUT anyone attempting to convince her that it was. But if they parents aren't immediately angry at their kid or the victim isn't 100% behind letting it end at the parents then fuck yes absolutely the police are the next stop before heading home. |
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