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7,001 | daddit | In the original post he said he knew the parents, just not well. I agree with your sentiment though. I’m generally under the assumption that parents at least have a working knowledge of, or relationship with, their children’s friend’s parents and would know if there is some aggravating factor. |
7,002 | daddit | The most upvoted top comments are pretty reasonable. You have to go lower down to find the ones OP is talking about. |
7,003 | daddit | Thank you for the context, I wasn't aware of what happened that precipitated this post. I will only contribute the thought, and I do not want to seem like I am giving space for what happened, but rather trying to highlight the subtext of factors that allowed this to happen: a lot of young people view "online" interactions as not real interactions, as though they have no consequences. I'll admit, I behaved as though online actions had no consequences for years, albeit never directed at another person but rather a willingness to flirt the lines of legality (OG downloader of movies and software back in the day). To that end, too many young people view their online behavior as untraceable and "just a joke". Clearly somewhere along the way, this young man developed the notion that this kind of behavior was OK, allowed, "just a joke" or some combination of that and more. My son is 7 (almost 8), and despite his voracious Minecraft gaming, I refuse to let him play games with online voice chat, because I remember all too well how toxic it is, and I know he's sensitive to that sort of behavior. It all starts with us boy Dads to create the environment of acceptable behavior, knowing full well our boys will spend their lifetimes living in the real world where too many folks want "anything goes" mentality. Sure, teach your daughters to deal with this kind of bullshit. Hell, teach them to be vicious, unkind, and alert about responding to this behavior. But most importantly, teach your boys about consent, sexual assault (in all the myriad ways it exists), and most of all, even as puberty sets in, girls are still people and to be treated with respect. "Never send a message, or behave in such a way, that your own parents wouldn't be proud of you." |
7,004 | daddit | “Ruin the boy’s life.” Sucks to suck. When you do something wrong, there are consequences. I’d hate the thought of my kid’s life being ruined, but if I ever found them sending NON-CONSENSUAL, explicit pics, there would be a reckoning. |
7,005 | daddit | This shit makes me so insanely mad. Why is it always on women to adjust their behaviour to accommodate the failures of boys and men? Maybe teach your boy not to send pictures of his dick. Maybe teach him to respect people. Maybe teach him about consequences. If my son did this shit, I’d be taking him to the police myself. |
7,006 | daddit | “Ruin the boy’s life.” Sucks to suck. When you do something wrong, there are consequences. I’d hate the thought of my kid’s life being ruined, but if I ever found them sending NON-CONSENSUAL, explicit pics, there would be a reckoning. |
7,007 | daddit | If they are going to change, I’ve never seen it happen, but it would be awesome |
7,008 | daddit | He also said he doesn't care if the daughter is hurt, as long as the boy is punished, which is some toxic masculinity shit. |
7,009 | daddit | A 13 year old won't go to prison for this. |
7,010 | daddit | It’s so disgusting! Just feels like sometimes I’m the only person that sees the crazy! So I’m glad you made this post! Thank you! |
7,011 | daddit | "Christians" |
7,012 | daddit | It's also the post just below yours on the sub front page so probably not hard to find FWIW. |
7,013 | daddit | Thanks for your perspective. You have convinced me - congratulations on winning an internet debate! I didn't know it was possible.... |
7,014 | daddit | Appropriate reactions after a "smoke and coffee". OP in the other post is emotionally reacting still. What if it is a random picture that he found online? When girls have asked me in the past I've always sent fakes just to protect myself. \*Disclaimer\* I think "sexting" is the dumbest thing anyone could ever do, but kids are dumb and do dumb things. |
7,015 | daddit | [removed] |
7,016 | daddit | Bruh. I agree with your post but this comment is a bit much. Just pointing out the correct usage of your / you're doesn't make someone a troll. You should delete this because it subtracts from the very good points you made in the original post. |
7,017 | daddit | Chill, dude. You were being corrected for using the wrong spelling multiple times. You're telling dad's to educate your daughters without educating yourself. |
7,018 | daddit | Whoa dude, you have some anger issues eh? I also commented something similar and got an equally anger-filled reply. It's difficult to read your wall of text when it's so poorly written, that's all we are trying to say. The message is lost in your bad/lazy writing. Try harder, it's not that difficult. There are tools to help you all over the internet, use them. Nobody cares what your life story is or about your personal "idgaf" attitude towards proper spelling/grammar/punctuation. If you want to write grandstanding posts on a social media site in text, make sure people don't have a reason to latch onto something that isn't your actual message. Then maybe try not to get all butthurt when people point out your inability to put words together coherently. It's not that serious... |
7,019 | daddit | Your initial caring post doesn’t read as well, when you seem to promote shooting a young kid for sending dick pics in this comment. |
7,020 | daddit | Just something I noticed. Many, not all, of the dads saying not to make it a big deal are dads of boys and the ones that are going all ape shit about it are dads of girls. |
7,021 | daddit | This isn't an opportunity of PBIS. Maybe you'd feel differently if you had a daughter instead of a son. Teach him not to do that shit. |
7,022 | daddit | Everyone is so concerned about ruining a poor boys life but don’t take into account the affect CONSTANT and MULTIPLE situations like this will have on a girl |
7,023 | daddit | If the kid does something with life-ruining consequences, that's on them and their parents. In any case, of this kid doesn't learn at 13 that this is serious, it's not like he's gonna get any better as he gets older |
7,024 | daddit | Oh, fuck yeah. You don't do that and get away with it. |
7,025 | daddit | Only after a kid makes a decision that can run his life. |
7,026 | daddit | It shouldn’t, but it’s reality. The amount of guys who send my wife (for example) unsolicited texts and advances even though we’ve been married for 5 years Is astounding. Me however? None. I’ve accepted the reality that my daughter will always have to deal with Pervy guys throughout her life and she needs to deal with them accordingly. By being the bigger person, saying she isn’t interested, then if it turns into a bigger problem, going to the police and filing a restraining order. |
7,027 | daddit | Exactly, it should be kids will be kids |
7,028 | daddit | Agree with this sentiment, my goddaughters are just as likely to do a sick trick on their bikes as any of my nephews!! Kids will be kids and do dumb stuff but privates are for private not to be shared |
7,029 | daddit | Never involve authorities when you can deal with it yourself. You don't know what they'll do and they DO NOT have your or your kids' interests at heart. |
7,030 | daddit | Please stop including police in child rearing |
7,031 | daddit | Exactly. I’d do the same if my son were involved. The lesson here is that you have crossed the line of the consequences I am in control of, and you have crossed into the realm of societal consequences: the police are now the authority in this matter. I can protect you from yourself by helping stop you, helping you be better, and helping you own up to mistakes. I do not protect you by hiding your digressions and pretending that you didn’t make a mistake. Own your behaviour, learn, grow, demonstrate that, and be better. Saying boys will be boys means we expect and accept that type of behaviour, and implies that there is something intrinsically masculine about sexualized behaviour, and that there is something sexual about being a young male. I call bullshit on all of that. |
7,032 | daddit | Why? All of the women that are being mistreated are daughters |
7,033 | daddit | I don't even see why that should make a difference. If someone only cares about girls being abused because they have a girl then they're still the problem. Even if someone doesn't have kids, doesn't want kids, or even hates kids, they should always be strongly against this kind of behaviour. |
7,034 | daddit | I agree. I also think Dads and Moms will have different perspectives on what is and isn’t normal behavior for a pubescent boy. |
7,035 | daddit | Me too!! My buddy is a step dad and his step son gave him something for Father’s Day that said bonus dad and After the experience I had with step parents I adopted bonus parents I’m for the good ones! |
7,036 | daddit | This is the first I heard of the justifications and it’s got my blood boiling |
7,037 | daddit | I like that. I think I'd also want a statement by the school that all district parents will be notified that this boy is sending sexual images to other students, if he does it again to any other student. And an announcement by the school on the issue in general within a week. Additionally, I'd want a specific form that all school parents must sign addressing the braoder issue of unsolicited sexual images/videos - this can be included with the rest of the forms parents must sign before each school year. That way parents can't say they weren't warned about what would happen if their child chose to do this. It would also help parents talk to their kids first, hopefully before it even begins. I'm not sure what our local middle school does, but I'll find out in two years. My oldest is starting 4th grade. Hell, I'll probably go ask them here soon, and if it's not already an issue they address, I'll start petitioning for it to be addressed. |
7,038 | daddit | I don’t know how well that will work given that the post that inspired this is about two minors who are on summer vacation from school, and also do not go to the same school. |
7,039 | daddit | As a woman who was assaulted at 13 by an adult and then at 14 by a 18 year old I’m very aware of real life and my daughter and son wont have rose colored glasses. But knowing all that I know and how the world is I’m not going to continue giving the same response/reactions we as parents have for years because it clearly isn’t working and the girls/woman are the ones who continue to deal with the consequences. And I’m not saying go to the police right away in this specific situation either btw |
7,040 | daddit | Yes. I can agree with this. |
7,041 | daddit | This isn't a by law infraction, it's a criminal act. |
7,042 | daddit | Absolutely. When it involves kids on both sides of the issue I absolutely agree that there should be an attempt to handle it starting with a parent to parent discussion but if there is even the slightest inkling that the other parents will not be severely punishing their child and devoting serious time to correctly educating their kid about why it was not just wrong and criminal but also severely injuring for a long time then 100% should absolutely go to the police and press for the kid to be used as an example for the community. |
7,043 | daddit | I actually wrote my masters thesis on this topic - and in order to change, those dads have to stay exposed to ideas and opinions that challenge their “boys will be boys” mentality. It’s actually the only way they will change. |
7,044 | daddit | I don't disagree with you entirely because your right, most people never change for the positive but since I'm a recovering shitty person I'd be a hypocrite to not give people the benefit of the doubt to have the potential to change. You never know why someone is they way they are. Personally, I was a shitty person because I was raised very badly in terrible circumstances. It took a pretty serious event and the extreme selflessness of 1 man for me to even know I was going the wrong way in life simply because I was never taught or had examples of right from wrong I was "raised by wolves" of a modern society and so I was becoming a wolf. Thankfully there was a wise wolf in my future that told me to stop trying to be him and instead to model myself after another animal. If you were to read my post and comment history you would see that I'm still a bit of an asshole (I promise I'm still putting in effort to change daily) but that I live very strictly by the Pilar of values I've built inside of myself. |
7,045 | daddit | [removed] |
7,046 | daddit | Correcting the use of your / you're does nothing but attempt to diminish the message being presented. Do you think they actually care if OP knows the difference? No, they just want to undermine the points he makes by latching onto bullshit grammar mistakes. |
7,047 | daddit | Who cares about the spelling? It's such a bullshit way to diminish the message being presented. |
7,048 | daddit | Oh bullshit, the grammar mistakes don't make it hard to read, you're just being a dick to ignore the actual message being presented. Grow the fuck up. |
7,049 | daddit | [removed] |
7,050 | daddit | There's a difference between saying go shoot a kid and saying I wouldn't find you guilty. Although Jury nullification isn't a legal right the fact that it exists says a lot because there are times when the law is wrong and shouldn't punish an individual for what they have done. I can't pass fault on someone that chooses to take the life of a person that sexually victimized their daughter. My post wasn't intended to be a hallmark channel special it's intent was to point out the fact that there are WAY to many people having opinions on the subject that aren't 100% in support of the victim. If I'm being completly honest I find people like you that are continually attempting to steal the narrative away from protecting females to instead get down on me lamentable and pedantic. |
7,051 | daddit | I have both...I teach them common sense, which seems to be lacking in this sub as evidenced by myopic viewpoints such as yours. |
7,052 | daddit | I'm not being inconsiderate, if this kid was doing this multiple times and not stopping or harassing this girl then obviously that's a different story but if this is a one off situation and they are 13, it should be a strong parent to parent conversation |
7,053 | daddit | Can't he learn this is a serious situation without ruining the kids life on a one off thing? I could see if this was multiple times but if it's a one time thing I would feel like a strong conversation and threats of calling the cops would be enough to scare the kid and hopefully correct his behavior. |
7,054 | daddit | Clearly it's a strong parent to parent conversation, and hopefully that would be enough to get the kid to learn a lesson and it corrects itself. |
7,055 | daddit | Yeah, but then that excludes grown ups who play in the mud with their kids or try to do sweet tricks on their bikes. It should be "people will be people" |
7,056 | daddit | Especially in the US this is absolutely the case. The police here are *not* protectors of the people, they're a security force for rich people and corporations. Nothing else. |
7,057 | daddit | I agree with that. But there are times when the cops should be involved. Sexual harassment is not something to joke about. Ever. |
7,058 | daddit | Bullshit. If the dad handles it with the parents directly he's depending on them actually caring, or he could end up being in legal trouble due to having ownership of the photo, which would be classified as child porn. As a dad of twin girls, it's my responsibility to lead by example, which means to speak up and contact the correct authorities. Not avoiding the authorities because you're afraid of the repercussions that will impact the kid. He's 13, they make stupid decisions, but trying to "handle is quietly" won't teach a long term lesson. It's my responsibility to help my girls develop into productive members of society. I'll help others along the way, but my girls are my priority. I wouldn't expect others to behave differently if my girl instigated it. |
7,059 | daddit | Ya, when we decided someone else needs to deal with her problem is when we started failing at parenting. |
7,060 | daddit | Never have. Hopefully will never have to. My older brother, when he was a teenager, got into some pretty bad stuff. Ended up getting pulled over by the cops and a gun painted at his head at one point. That was the point when he decided to turn his life around. Sometimes it takes a scared straight moment. I hope none of my kids never get there. |
7,061 | daddit | You’re right. The point is how people can be blind to things until it affects their lives. It doesn’t always mean they were terrible people, they just didn’t have the personal experiences to help open their eyes. Their blind ignorance should stop afterwards and they should help others see it too. Think micro aggressions. Things you don’t realize can hurt others, and most likely won’t until someone explains it to you. You’d probably need to adjust what felt like a “normal behavior” and realize that yes, it was hurtful. |
7,062 | daddit | But also the school has no involvement for things that don’t happen at school and aren’t school sponsored events |
7,063 | daddit | I totally agree with you on what you said in your previous comment, and in this one. I'm not being intentionally obtuse or contrary, but I just think a lynch mob response to the boy isn't exactly helpful either. The boy who sent the image should have already been taught the boundaries. He either hasn't or he doesn't understand the severity of what he's done. I just think at corrective action at this point would be better for his future too. I'm not trying to detract from the severity, or the impact on the girl. He should face consequences and the girl should be supported to speak up about it. But the consequence should be measured. Police response could give him a record he'll never shake. A few weeks of being grounded and detentions in school with a good talking to about sexual conduct and societal rules / rape culture could be enough to result in behavioural change. Also, sorry to hear you went through that. Its saddening to know the culture that many men promote is so destructive to women. |
7,064 | daddit | Maybe he should just move on and get over it, girls will be told right?! /s Yeah even at the water treatment plant, the “cream” rises to the top |
7,065 | daddit | Not really true. I would say using the wrong grammar diminishes the message and sometimes pointing out the correct usage is meant to be helpful (assuming that op didn't know the difference instead of doing it intentionally to bait grammar Nazis). |
7,066 | daddit | Spelling incorrectly diminishes the message. Basically says "I'm uneducated, but still want you to listen to me." |
7,067 | daddit | [deleted] |
7,068 | daddit | I don't think your opinion is common sense. I think your attitude about your daughter is myopic. We're just going to have to agree that you're wrong, and leave it at that. Have a great day. |
7,069 | daddit | Ops daughter believes the kids parents wouldn't care and that they have a very relaxed parenting style. If the parents aren't as enraged as I am and absolutely convince me that the boy will be firmly reeducated then fuck yes I'm going to the cops and I'm gonna be pushy about making him an example. |
7,070 | daddit | Hopefully don't do shit for me. "Hopefully that would be enough"... and what if it isn't? |
7,071 | daddit | I think "kids will be kids" is fine realistically, but I agree more adults need to embrace, and encourage each other to embrace, their inner children. My wife went running out in the hot summer rain the other day and it completely turned her mood and week around. |
7,072 | daddit | Nah. I do this regularly. And I appreciate my inner child that lets me do this stuff once in a while. I'm fine with kids will be kids. Or let the children play. |
7,073 | daddit | Yep, they exist to protect property and the vast majority are specifically bad at defusing complex situations. This entire discussion is a job for a social worker. |
7,074 | daddit | No one here is joking around. Don't involve cops, they're not there to protect you or the victim. The only way I could see bringing them in as ok is if this is a repeat offender and every other possible action has been taken already. If that's the case, then that person has likely already been expelled from school, had to go through rehab, etc. Edit: I'm talking about this in the context of minors, as this is r/daddit. If it's a 30 year old, have at it. |
7,075 | daddit | Scared straight moment can easily turn into “the cop was scared straight” moment. Those are fatal moments. |
7,076 | daddit | Depends on the school. A private school may kick you out for getting arrested and making them look bad. |
7,077 | daddit | It absolutely does not diminish the message and if you actually think it does you're insane. "He made some really good points about teenage sexual harassment, but he used the wrong your / you're so I'm not sure the message is really meaningful." Are you fucking serious? The post is perfectly legible, there is no reason to point out grammar mistakes on a post like this except as a gotcha to try and minimize the message. OP posted to rant about bad dad's, not try and learn grammar from a bunch of idiots. |
7,078 | daddit | No it doesn't. If you can read a perfectly legible post about shifty dad's encouraging sexual harassment t and your takeaway is "well his grammar isn't perfect so the whole message is pretty meaningless" then you're either one of those shifty dad's or you're just an insane asshole. Either way, your opinion holds no bearing in the conversation. |
7,079 | daddit | [removed] |
7,080 | daddit | Okay but that wasn't part of the conversation until now |
7,081 | daddit | Obviously take it to the next level if it persists |
7,082 | daddit | I agree, I was being glib. I totally get your message though. I have been getting my wife to start just doing bike rides for fun, she totally gets it now and is enjoying it |
7,083 | daddit | Teachers and admin have enough shit to handle, mediating and disciplining kids for non school related things doesn’t need to get added on. Kicking a kid out of a school by itself does nothing to actually address the problem, it just kicks the can to someone else. Something like this rests solely on the parents |
7,084 | daddit | Ok dude. Looks like you just like to argue. I already said I agree with the original post and you out here acting like a post containing bad English carries the message equally with one that is written well. I didn't say it fully discredits the message, but it doesn't help either. Just my insane rambling tho I guess. |
7,085 | daddit | [deleted] |
7,086 | daddit | It was you just weren't aware of it because you didn't read the post that inspired thus post. I do believe that post was linked so please feel free to go check it out. Sorry about any confusion. |
7,087 | daddit | Why does she have to suffer twice? Waiting for him to do it to her again doesn't change anything. What happens if instead of sending her another one he does it to someone else's daughter? |
7,088 | daddit | So, you want to ruin a kids life it perists? I think we agree, I'm just way more aggressive at getting to the end result. And I'm fine with that. |
7,089 | daddit | I don’t disagree with this comment, but it doesn’t make your previous comment any more correct. |
7,090 | daddit | Yes, a post on social media containing perfect grammar and one containing perfectly legible but imperfect grammar carry their messages equally. It's not a thesis, it's an angry rant on reddit. Again, to focus on the grammar is just a shifty attempt to minimize the message being presented. |
7,091 | daddit | I'm getting a lot of use of the word pedantic today so that one was for you and I'll also attribute caddish to you as well. |
7,092 | daddit | I did read it, it's not fair for you to expect me to go through the comments to figure out more in depth information on the parents from the post |
7,093 | daddit | And what if he made a dumbass move and didn't think before sending it? What's more plausible, the kid being a predator or him not thinking straight at 13 years old |
7,094 | daddit | Obviously if he doesn't learn from a strong conversation with his parents and threats to call the cops take it to the police, but if this is a one off thing give the kid a chance to learn before things get bad for him. |
7,095 | daddit | Dude there's zero room for nuance here where people think a photo is the same as violent physical assault... I can only hope people behave more calmly in real life. |
7,096 | daddit | Things getting bad for him is his chance to learn. I'm not giving anybody any chances when it comes to something like that. 1 and done, sorry. |
7,097 | daddit | Yeah I'm a little shocked at the comments on this one, people are out for blood |
7,098 | daddit | My son Connor was diagnosed with Sanfilippo Syndrome shortly before his 2nd birthday, likened to Alzheimer’s disease in children. With no known treatment or cure, we pursued an experimental bone marrow transplant in an effort to save his life and quality of life. Two transplants failed after 7 months in the hospital. We took him home to spend his remaining days surrounded by family. After a week and a half, Connor died surrounded by family in the arms of his mother and father. We will never be the same. I love him so much. Edit: thank you all for the kind words and support. You all are fantastic! Dads need support, too, and you guys brought it. Edit 2: I didn’t plan to post this here, but I’ve begun a charity in Connor’s honor to help fund research for Sanfilippo Syndrome. [This is the link for our upcoming TopGolf fundraiser. Donations will go directly to help find a cure.](https://give.curesanfilippofoundation.org/event/topgolf-for-the-sweetest-boy/e402629) |
7,099 | daddit | Our eldest child, my first son, was diagnosed with a terminal muscle wasting disease (Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy) just before his second birthday. We know we will outlive our son but we don’t know how long that’ll be. While I’m not where you are yet we have begun to have a taste… it is a pain and a sorrow that I would wish on no one, I’m sorry you know what that’s like. Your son is a beautiful boy. Thank you for sharing this with us. |
7,100 | daddit | Fuck dude. I don't know what to say. The world is cruel. Utterly cruel for not only taking your son but for the devastation left in its wake. I'm sorry. |
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