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9,101 | daddit | Netherlands. |
9,102 | daddit | Sounds like a fucking dream. Hope everywhere can get to that level. I'm sure you have bones to pick with your system, but damn that is a sight better than what a lot of countries are doing. |
9,103 | daddit | >The one my son is at scored 79 out of 100. The best in region scored 92, and worst 65. Average was 78, so his one is average. Is this curve/scoring system valid? Invalid? Impressive? Basic? Who cares, we have numbers! |
9,104 | daddit | Unfortunately we have to make the victims loud to fix it. Parents deserve childcare benefits FREE. Businesses should be footing this bill. We're all just taking it. Parents with kids would be a significant voting bloc. We can do this. |
9,105 | daddit | If we could afford to stay home when the kiddo is sick maybe . |
9,106 | daddit | Both kids and my wife got it but it seemed a lot less severe for them. I guess we're the lucky ones :P It'll keep getting better and better over the next 5 weeks and then it should go away. |
9,107 | daddit | RSV that’s doing the rounds. Had it late last year (Australia) - had three rounds of antibiotics and had to use a steroid puffer to finally control it. |
9,108 | daddit | Is your wife an elementary teacher. Mine is and she never gets sick, but I get absolutely slapped by these colds |
9,109 | daddit | It does get better, I promise! |
9,110 | daddit | Yeah, it wasn't fun. No one seems to know what it is either... just this awful pain in the ass that lasts for a couple months and then goes away. |
9,111 | daddit | 9 month checking in and he’s been better after he got his ear tubes in around December. We’re now dealing with another bad coke right now! |
9,112 | daddit | Forget the kids: before this winter, I didn't think it was possible for *me* as an otherwise healthy 36-year-old man to get sick so often. I must be on cold number 15 since September. Are there even that many cold viruses?? |
9,113 | daddit | I mean, young kids have zero concept of personal hygiene. I imagine I’d also get sick if I tried to put everything under the Sun in my mouth |
9,114 | daddit | Lockdown was fine. Totally healthy! Kindergarten was OK. Everyone wore masks and it worked. First grade is a bigger class though and people have returned to the old ways of sending their kids to school sick, and half the families don’t use masks now. |
9,115 | daddit | Last week we went to my grandma's birthday. Apparently someone showed up sick but didn't tell anyone. My aunt told us after people started to get sick.I believe if your sick you stay away until your better and only after a few days. They know we won't show up if people are sick so they don't tell us. I'm so tired of it. I'm trying to take care of my boys while trying to make it to the bathroom. |
9,116 | daddit | I guess it depends what “sick” means but I would give some latitude for cough or runny nose without a fever or other more serious symptoms. If not we’d be housebound and jobless by this point. |
9,117 | daddit | Mortgage on a 5 bedroom condo (not a fancy one, just a converted house with an upstairs and downstairs unit), is $4300 a month. Between daycare and mortgage we drop 10k a month before doing anything else. Our incomes are good enough to cover it, but basically if my wife or I lose our job we are screwed in about 3 months. Our “6 month emergency fund” people talk about would need to ideally be at least $100k unless we very rapidly pulled kids out of daycare etc - which sounds reasonable but ofc once they are out, getting them back in again is tough so which ever parent lost a job is basically stuck as a stay at home parent for a while. I don’t typically complain as we still have a comfortable life compared to so many people, but when a lot of folks think a 6 figure salary means you’re rich, if you have young kids it isn’t true at all. Hoping as they get older things get a bit cheaper and I can afford to have hobbies again! :) |
9,118 | daddit | Fuck me 60k a year is absurd. |
9,119 | daddit | We pay $7.5k/year here in rural MO. That’s honestly insane to me to think people pay $60k a year. My wife and I cumulatively make like $65k/year. Lol |
9,120 | daddit | How do you Americans do it? You get no paid parental leave, but also daycare is incredibly expensive. How do you guys manage? Do you all work three jobs or what? |
9,121 | daddit | In Sweden I pay around $200/month for 2 kids. It's insanely cheap compared to pretty much every other country. Plus we get money from the government is we have to stay home with sick kids. And all dentists and doctors are free of charge until they're 18 I think. We're so privileged I almost feel ashamed when speaking to pretty much anyone from other countries. |
9,122 | daddit | Honestly we don’t even need to, my wife and I both work remotely. It’s a few things: - I’m from the UK originally, and we travel home/have visitors quite a bit, and there is always a connecting flight involved. Adding more distance/connections decreases the amount of visitors we get / makes our journey home harder, so basically we have to live somewhere with direct flights to London which mostly ties us to major metros. - We like having access a lot of cool stuff to take the kids to - there are tons of museums and attraction type things to keep them entertained - The quality of public schools here (at least in our area), is really good so that’s appealing in the longer term. There are other reasons, not least we have moved a bunch in our life and struggled to make new friends in new areas and the idea of doing that again seems absolutely grim. That being said, I totally get it - if I had the choice again, I’m not sure I would have made this one just because the cost of Boston, as well as the day to day stress of living in a city with creaking infrastructure that isn’t designed for the volume of people/cars it deals with, is pretty painful. EDIT: I guess one last thing is, if I was working in an office / my wife was, our industries are mostly concentrated in either the Bay Area, NYC or Boston, so we would probably want to be vaguely proximate to those places to get a job in future. We committed to Boston before remote working really took off, so it’s a bit soon to say whether that’s a permanent shift and we could spread our wings a little further |
9,123 | daddit | Compare that to average wage though... |
9,124 | daddit | At home daycares vary a ton in quality. OP may have found an awesome one but there are some SKETCHY ones near me that are cheap for a reason lol |
9,125 | daddit | It helps that I live on the west side of Charlotte. Places price themselves based off of the expected demographic and, well, we aren’t in a wealthy neighborhood. Even the daycare center here, where my son was for a year before the in-home had a spot vacant, was only $225 a week. |
9,126 | daddit | >Edit: which is good as they have to train their immune system Read some of the latest on immunology. Exposure does not provide the benefit that wives' tales have suggested. And yes they can be contagious afebrile. What do you think happens once they become febrile? More contagious... It is generally better to be vaccinated before exposure than to be exposed at all. Exposure helps with allergies (as in getting sick will reduce the chance of allergic reactions). It does not help with illness. In fact, it likely hurts. But follow the advice of your physician. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7913501/#:~:text=By%20being%20exposed%20to%20a,allergens%20%5B24%2C25%5D. |
9,127 | daddit | Near Sacramento. |
9,128 | daddit | I’ve looked, but there are huge waiting lists around here, some over 2 years, and between that and the prices of more speciality or private schools, this is what we ended up with. The thing is, it’s actually pretty highly rated, and it’s literally around the block from our home, so there’s a a lot of convenience. Our hope is when they move up to an older classroom, they’ll be doing more. Also, the school system here is excellent, so we more kind of just waiting for kindergarten, and until then doing everything we can to make sure they’re learning. So far I think my kid is doing really well, super verbal and communicative, they know and retain a ton of info, they’re just sort of picking up some bad habits (getting worse with sharing, wanting to carry around blankets like their classmates, and other stuff), but the lack of childcare support in this county sucks, and I just hope it improves soon. |
9,129 | daddit | That's awesome! Glad to hear that for you! It makes a big difference. |
9,130 | daddit | True, but it's still $7/hr to watch your kid including lunch and snacks, right? |
9,131 | daddit | I mean in Sweden you need 4 year uni to work full-time in a kindergarden. Subs etc dont need education. And We still find people |
9,132 | daddit | Such as? |
9,133 | daddit | Nobody would die in traffic fatalities if nobody drove a car. Ready to walk everywhere? |
9,134 | daddit | Yeah the real pain was the defense attorney costs. (The child was fine that night, the opening healed within a day, and he was back to gnawing on toys within 24 hours) |
9,135 | daddit | Yeah, ours already has eczema, so when he was teething and drooling all over the patch on his chin it got infected and took us a while because when we first noticed it the doc said it was just eczema. Later on when it got oozy she said it was impetigo. Luckily same here with no scarring because I would have felt like a terrible parent having to see that on his face every day if there was. |
9,136 | daddit | I think it’s the astronomical insurance premiums for the extremely rare case of when there’s gross negligence, like leaving a kid in the van on a field trip in July, stuff like that. Pretty sure there’s insurance company execs on a yacht in Boca with all our day care money. |
9,137 | daddit | The NFL is a non profit. That should quash all arguments that a non profit can’t be a money grubbing org |
9,138 | daddit | To create jobs and serve the community... But mostly to embezzle... |
9,139 | daddit | Lol good bot |
9,140 | daddit | Good for you, I hope I can be in your position one day where I'm still able to work with two sick kids in my presence. |
9,141 | daddit | wow! that’s really impressive haha! kudos to you! your wife has cnc machines at home? |
9,142 | daddit | Republican politicians aren't religiously motivated. They just chose the biggest group of gullible people as their base and they convince those people that all of their austerity policies stem from the Bible. |
9,143 | daddit | Early Christian prohibition of abortion is believed to have been based on the idea that an abortion was unfair to the would-be-father. So yes, it ultimately still is about birth rates. |
9,144 | daddit | Yes, and this is not counting the 420 days of parental leave we get as parents, or the law that says I can step down to 75% role until kid is 6 years old (12 if I am in a union) or the 200+ sick days I can take on behalf of my kid, that I can be repaid by the state. |
9,145 | daddit | It's valid. Requires an university child care degree person per 4 non-specilized teachers. Food is cooked on site, reading, singing, when inside, 50% of the time they are outside in parks. I get photos every day in their app, with information on where they went or what they did. |
9,146 | daddit | I tested negative for RSV several weeks ago, so unless in caught it at the tail end, it’s not that. It’s weird. |
9,147 | daddit | Nope, and she's been working from home since COVID hit. |
9,148 | daddit | You probably shouldn’t give him that :) |
9,149 | daddit | Had someone pull this at my cousins wedding in October. Everyone tests the day of, anyone positive or symptomatic stays home. It said that *on the invitation*. One lady tested negative but felt "yucky". Goes to the wedding. Next day she tests positive and had infected like 40% of the wedding. I escaped that round but holy shit I wanted blood. My 96 year old grandma was there! This was the first time she felt ok about trying a family function. She fortunately did not catch it. |
9,150 | daddit | We probably pay a third of what you do, make decent enough money to cover daycare but would be in the exact same boat. That and our city tax is absurd and we're not even paying for the schools yet. Pretty soon once our first goes to Kindergarten, it'll get a little easier. Once both are in school, I'm going to feel like the wealthiest man on the planet compared to right now. I've actually been thinking a lot about all the stuff we're getting close to never having to buy again (diapers, baby wipes, dairy-free milk that costs an arm and a leg because fuck you guys and your non-allergies, you're getting a kid that has a bunch of them). It's going to all just funnel into something else, but at least it'll feel like progress. |
9,151 | daddit | Similar numbers here. I don’t like to complain since we have it so much better than most, but I do wonder how the hell people making “normal” salaries do it. Do they have extensive family help? Or just go in massive debt while their kids are young? My wife and I both recently switched jobs to higher paying roles ($250k to $500k HHI) and finally feel like we can save, vacation and make progress on financial goals. But I was surprised when we had our second kid and felt like we were just scraping by on $250k. Being able to pay for daycare pre-tax would make a huge difference, and all it would take would be Congress raising the DCFSA cap to keep up with cost inflation from the 80s when the program was created. |
9,152 | daddit | Or If you get divorced... |
9,153 | daddit | My eldest goes to regular school in September. I’m thinking of taking up a heroin addiction with all the free money I’ll have to spend |
9,154 | daddit | Genuinely? I have no idea. We get by because I have a job that pays very well (not as well as the Boston guy from the comments here, but high 5 figures) and has extremely flexible hours that I can do from home. So we can get away with part time daycare where sudden illness isn't a huge deal. Or at least that's the plan, he starts daycare in the summer. I have a sibling with a kid and they just stay home because they can't afford daycare. I think a lot of people really struggle and lean on family to help out. And a lot of people wait until they're older and have more income (my wife and I are both in our mid 20s so we'll be on the younger side of parents once our son is in school). So yeah I dunno. Sucks. Socialized daycare would help a lot. Maybe in a few decades I guess |
9,155 | daddit | Dental visits are free until the year you turn 24. |
9,156 | daddit | Quite similar to Norway. Hi there, neighbour! |
9,157 | daddit | Boston is an amazing city and I wish my wife and I could have afforded to live there long term. We spent 7 years there and every time we go back to visit we get a little closer to just staying. If you like little cozy pubs and haven't been to it yet, make a trip over to The Publick House in Brookline. My favorite bar on the planet, great beer and has my favorite burger of all time. |
9,158 | daddit | Lol hi from a suburb west of Boston. Yup we do $2.1 and $2.4k for our two kids. Get out of the city proper! There's so much more room to breathe and less chaos out here. |
9,159 | daddit | In SF, daycare is mostly in the 2500-3500+/mo per kid range. All the same gripes as everyone else mentioned. Almost entirely post-tax dollars. Barely any communication from the day care/pre school about what they did/ate/whatnot. I swear it’s just a giant racket we are paying into. They have like a 5:1 to 7:1 ratio (depending on license type) and are pulling in serious bank. |
9,160 | daddit | I'd love recommendations for your favorite little kid-friendly museums/things to do around Boston if you are willing to share! |
9,161 | daddit | The wage gap is brutal here, which brings the averages way down. But if you are lucky enough to have a good job, things do get easier |
9,162 | daddit | Oh yea. Fully aware. There's a reason we're not in one. The in-home place my brother attended as a tot, turned out the owner was a high functioning alcoholic who's bedroom upstairs in the house was just a bare mattress on the floor, surrounded by empty vodka bottles and trash. |
9,163 | daddit | Sure Ill read it if you got a reputable source. Untill then I'll just accept that kids get sick a lot, and theres not an awful lot we can do about it. |
9,164 | daddit | Huh. Amazing that you can be an hour or two away and pay half what we do. Sacramento’s cost of living is significantly less than San Francisco’s, though, so it makes sense, I guess. |
9,165 | daddit | Thanks stranger :) |
9,166 | daddit | I don't have the answer, but just because I don't know it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. |
9,167 | daddit | Trains. Trains my dude. And yes I'm ready to walk everywhere. |
9,168 | daddit | Hospitals that give their executives millions in bonuses and 50% raises are non-profit, too. It just means a certain amount of money has to go back into the organization. They can be corrupt as any other organization. |
9,169 | daddit | The NFL hasn't been non profit for years. It changed in 2015. |
9,170 | daddit | > To create jobs and serve the community... Is this why you go to work every day? |
9,171 | daddit | We bought a house last year that has an outbuilding on premise. We put in a phase converter to switch the power from 1 phase to 3 phase for the machines, and then have 2 large HAAS VF series machines. Before that it was in our garage. Who needs parking, right? XD I'm VERY lucky how things have worked out. Apparently the house we bought was actually nearly impossible to sell because the outbuilding had been marked commercial, and we ended up getting it for JUST the cost of the house. The outbuilding is actually bigger than the house itself, about ~5k square feet/~500 square meters. It's crazy big! |
9,172 | daddit | I'd encourage you to look at this article if you have an NYT subscription or can get around the paywall: Religion and Right-Wing Politics: How Evangelicals Reshaped Elections https://nyti.ms/2CLhICl If you're making an argument that some Republican masterminds in an ivory tower aren't religious, just using rubes, yeah maybe so? Your base defines what you are in a republic though. It really doesn't matter to me what their genuine feelings are, I just care about what's vocalized by their followers and through their policy decisions. |
9,173 | daddit | Not the same people making that decision now, as they did then are they? The people *you're* referring to are dead. |
9,174 | daddit | Gonna need to find some loopholes and get my family resettled. I'll meet you for coffee whenever that happens |
9,175 | daddit | "Valid" in this case is referring to the scoring system and whether it actually correlates to program quality. |
9,176 | daddit | Then just really unlucky with a bit of a Mutated cold. It does get easier (we had bad bronchitis right at the start of the covid lockdowns and had to keep a 1yr old at home for 14 days as was our isolation rules) - so bad I was taking prescription medication to help manage the back and stomach pain from all the coughing. Have kids they said… will be great they said… |
9,177 | daddit | Your grandma got very lucky. I just don't understand some people. Don't blame you for getting angry, the wife and I would have been pissed too. |
9,178 | daddit | As I like to say these are good problems to have but still infuriating nevertheless. Pre-tax would be a huge difference instead of post-tax. It'd be substantial for many parents of all income ranges. |
9,179 | daddit | Lol same here for us I’m somehow TERRIFIED about my job but I guess at the same time daycare wouldn’t be a cost and I’d be home. Still just crazy. |
9,180 | daddit | > Being able to pay for daycare pre-tax would make a huge difference Can you ELI5 to this non-American? Do you get tax credits for daycare but have to pay upfront first? |
9,181 | daddit | Can do better than that, start collecting Magic cards and you'll never even realise the money came back |
9,182 | daddit | All the money just gets transferred to after school care, after school activities, and any other activities they decide they want to do. |
9,183 | daddit | Haha we have this conversation a lot! I know it sounds absurd but the idea of looking for houses again and trawling two small kids around sounds grim, especially if it takes like 45 minutes to get out to the place you’re looking. I’m hoping once they are a bit older and I’m out of day to day survival mode we might be able to explore a bit further out. I’m curious how far west you are? We are in Arlington for reference |
9,184 | daddit | For real! One thing I've noticed is like, we're paying something like 2800 for our youngest, who is in a class with 3 other kids and there are two teachers so its like, fair enough. Our eldest though is in a class with like 20, and we're paying... 2200 or something similar, which absolutely must subsidize / be their profit center and the infant classes are there to get you hooked in! |
9,185 | daddit | Those fun vodka bottle shapes are actually the latest and greatest new Montessori blocks! /s Jeez that's crazy to think about though. Hope your brother turned out OK |
9,186 | daddit | >~~not an awful lot we can do about it.~~ Not a lot we *want* to do about it. It's cheaper to keep your kids and you sick than it is to pay for real benefits to keep kids and parents healthy. This is not an acceptable state of affairs. I'm trying to make you angry about it. Get fucking loud. |
9,187 | daddit | So you’re going to refrain traveling more than a mile or two anywhere not accessible by train. That limits you to the center of a handful of metro areas for the most part. |
9,188 | daddit | I miss when non as a prefix meant lack of, as in a non profit would have to out 100% of income back into the organization, why isn't it that? |
9,189 | daddit | People will make up different excuses for why a rule should be enforced today, often claiming it has nothing to do with religion. But that is why the rule exists. |
9,190 | daddit | A caveat: in Sweden my take home pay would be ~80-90,000 less based on tax structure. That gets you a lot of childcare. The leave is much better, of course. In America, I guess valuing children is socialism… sigh |
9,191 | daddit | Ugh! This thing has been bad enough that I’ve had 9 different medications added to my life to handle it. 9! It’s ridiculous! Whatever mutated monstrosity my kid brought home from preschool is clearly the vital equivalent of an evil genius. |
9,192 | daddit | they'd just raise the prices. daycare is priced so it's barely worthwhile to work (at every tier) |
9,193 | daddit | Our income tax system has credits and deductions. Credits reduce the amount of tax owed directly. Deductions reduce what the tax man considers your income. There's a daycare tax credit of $4k per year, $8k for two or more qualifying people. At a certain income level, you're no longer eligible for it. Given the context, I'm guessing the OP is complaining about high taxes eating away his income rather than this tax credit. At higher incomes, especially in high tax states, it's easy to find yourself paying close to half of your income in taxes. You lose pretty much all tax deductions and credits but have a very high cost of living. This is worst for people making money via wage income as there's no way to avoid taxes. It's not as bad for people with business or stock income, as those open up alternative strategies for deferring or avoiding taxes. Things start phasing out somewhere around $100k, depending on the exact program in question. You're completely done by around $450k household income. |
9,194 | daddit | Haha oh man I’ve started playing Warhammer recently, I’m a glutton for activities that suck up all my money |
9,195 | daddit | 60k worth of afterschool activities? What yacht club do you belong to? |
9,196 | daddit | What the hell, do we know each other LOL I'll PM you |
9,197 | daddit | It’s obscene. Don’t get me wrong…I know they need a living wage, etc., but they are making more than teachers at our schools. Just seems like our country has its priorities out of whack. |
9,198 | daddit | I don't think you can judge by a few short words what I do and don't do in order to keep my family healthy. |
9,199 | daddit | No it doesn't, I live in bumfuck college town, most people could have everything needed to live within a couple miles of their homes. Just because cities are currently designed for cars doesn't mean they have to be. |
9,200 | daddit | That wasn't coherent. |
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