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9,601 | daddit | My wife mentioned this to me when looking through my phone for a picture of me. I told her that there was a more gorgeous younger woman in my life now, so it was to be expected. It took her a second for her to realize I was talking about our daughter. |
9,602 | daddit | I actually take more photos of my SO now because she’s often holding the little ones. I wasn’t taking pics before because that’s weird and you should enjoy the moments instead of looking at a screen. |
9,603 | daddit | You came to reddit for shitty advice and I'm here to give it. Using your pocket sand, throw it in her face. Grab your go bag and flee the house. Slip across the border and quietly assume the fake identity you set up years before. Abandon your old life and embrace your new one. |
9,604 | daddit | Dude...my wife and 19 year old go postal with any unpos3d picture taken with express permisssion. Then again. Maybe I'm one of the multitude.with lowered testosterone as nature tries to end humanity. |
9,605 | daddit | It's sweet that you found something that works for you. I'm lucky enough to be way past that b.s phase of selfies to show love/desire. My wife enjoys the surprise of the laundry being done on the weekends so she can sleep in. Me giving her breakfast in bed with a kiss & hug randomly. Or rubbing her back and feet if I can see she's had a rough day, while ACTUALLY listening to her tell me about why it was tough. May read like some cheap romance novel, but it works far better than me telling her to pose for a pic. I've learned over the years that living in the moment, is alot better than ruining it with a device that captures what "once" was imo. |
9,606 | daddit | Good tip. Sometimes the little things are the biggest. |
9,607 | daddit | Wow, thanks for the heads up. I have been negligent in this aspect as well. |
9,608 | daddit | You get to go out and have fun? |
9,609 | daddit | Thanks man. Almost fifteen years of marriage and four kids later, I still need reminders like this. There’s always little things that I forget that she likes me to do for her. I’m going to do some of those today. |
9,610 | daddit | Great reminder! I've been going through Date Your Wife by Justin Buzzard and it's been really eye-opening |
9,611 | daddit | I'm not married and not a parent, just a fan and admirer of the daddit sub. I'm commenting because I totally get this, as a woman who is a lover of photos. I (33F) just had a similar conversation with my boyfriend (42) of a year and a half. I love photos. My personal space is filled with photos of the important people in my life. I keep digital albums that I like to look at when I'm thinking about them. I like how it makes me feel to see a photo and remember that moment or how I felt. I don't whip my phone out constantly, just sometimes. I like to enjoy my time with my people. My boyfriend has NEVER taken a single photo of us or of me unless I explicitly asked him. Not one. And it's not like I'm a secret, I know all of his friends and have met his colleagues and all of that. It's totally about him in this arena. He's so self-conscious that all he can see is how he "looks bad" in that photo. I brought this up several months ago, and he said, "You're right, I know it's important to you, I will take some photos." (He didn't.) I didn't love this, but I could tolerate it because most of time if I wanted to take a picture of us, or a group we were spending time with, he would cooperate. But the last several months he says no a lot more. And it makes me really sad. I told him that the photos are for me, how I keep them and use them, how they make me feel. Especially because we live two hours away, sometimes it's nice to have him present with me that way. I've only posted photos of us on my Facebook three times with his permission because he doesn't use social media that way and I'm trying to be respectful. It makes me feel like I'm not important enough to think of or remember that way. We're going on a vacation next week. He told me we can take a lot of pictures. I guess we'll see. Guys --- just take the photo. Please. And good on you OP for really listening to your partner, taking this to heart, wanting to do differently, and bringing it up here. |
9,612 | daddit | Thanks man, good observation! |
9,613 | daddit | If you like me have rarely ever snapped pics of your wife, now is a good time to start. That is if she approves, mine wishes I took many more. I am trying! |
9,614 | daddit | I'm just amazed someone notices. Are you guys fairly active on social media other than reddit? I'd never know if my wife stopped taking pictures of me; nor do I know if she ever did! |
9,615 | daddit | Great point thank you for sharing |
9,616 | daddit | Yeah I'm bad for this too, even with the kids. My wife mentions it regularly, and rightfully so, but I simply rarely think about it until it's too late. She's just always been the photographer in our relationship. |
9,617 | daddit | Now that you mention it, I almost never take photos of my wife, even before the kid... Its just something I don't do. I'm not really into photography so she ends up taking way more photos a me and the kid. Strange to see how this could be an issue in other families because that's their norm. I wonder if I should just start doing this for memories, etc. |
9,618 | daddit | It doesn’t always happen but o strive for one photo of them a day |
9,619 | daddit | My wife was relieved (amateur photographer) |
9,620 | daddit | Just explain you've become more aware of data harvesting and are doing your bit to stay private ;). |
9,621 | daddit | I also take less pics of my wife, but it's cause her tits are always out feeding the bebe and I'm not allowed to take pics of her tits. |
9,622 | daddit | my Onedrive/Gdrive goes from *heeeers* to *bebeeeee boy* |
9,623 | daddit | As a husband for 18 years and a father for 10, the biggest mistake I see people make after having kids is forgetting that you were a couple in love with each other first. It's important to not let that part of your partnership go by the way side just because you have children. |
9,624 | daddit | Thanks for posting. I realized I am doing the same! Will make sure I take her pics every once in a while. |
9,625 | daddit | I noticed the same thing when my second kid was born, I realized after occasionally looking for photos to have printed, I had taken *noticeably* less of my first child, while most were taken of my second. I wouldn't call it favoritism, but wanting to assure myself I got all of the same "cute baby" photos the first one got, I almost completely missed the coming of age, toddler photos... Something for dads to think about. |
9,626 | daddit | Your wife is your life. Your family is your life's goal. The future lives and understanding of love and being loved is your gift to children. All your stuff and awards, nice. Nothing you own will cry at your funeral. Thank you for your wonderfully spoken reminder. I have to go take a picture of my wife, ask her if I can make coffee for her, and ask if she would like to go see the movie she talked about. Thank you. Thank this subreddit, and all who lurk and post and comment. Yes, my blushing bride has just asked me what I fucked up this time. Does anybody know where the biscotti are? |
9,627 | daddit | I always said I wasn’t going to be the dad whose phone was full of pictures of his kid only. Fast forward to today and I’d say 90% if the pictures I take are if my kid |
9,628 | daddit | My wife still gets mad at the pictures I take of her. It's not my fault she's giving me the look in every one of them. ; ) |
9,629 | daddit | This is where I feel like once you’ve hit a certain point in your relationship, you don’t want to take pictures anymore but savour the moment and just live in that moment. Everyone lives in their phones these days, but it’s nice to just have memories instead of snapping everything all the time. If we’ve managed to go out together on some rare occasion when we can get a baby sitter, the last thing I’m doing is getting my phone out. I’m spending time with her… and eating |
9,630 | daddit | Now switch roles and everyone will burn you down claiming you’re insensitive, that the baby comes first, how dare you expect any attention… |
9,631 | daddit | My wife’s never been into having her picture taken. |
9,632 | daddit | That's funny, my wife HATES having her picture taken and I have but a handful of our last 15 years together, but now that there's a child involved I have an excuse to take pictures of her all the time! |
9,633 | daddit | My wife has complained that I don’t take enough pictures of her with our baby - “I don’t have any pictures of me with x” it wasn’t really anger towards me but mourning our baby is growing up fast. So dads, be sure you don’t have the opposite problem of OP! |
9,634 | daddit | A great reminder, thank you! I’m pretty sure I have done the same thing |
9,635 | daddit | I thought the term "baby mama/daddy" meant the two people were split up? |
9,636 | daddit | Man, thanks for making me aware. Just checked and I've been doing exactly the same (or rather: not been doing). Nice heads-up! |
9,637 | daddit | Awwww daddit you’re the best. |
9,638 | daddit | It’s sad you didn’t believe her and had to check back over a year and a half of photos. It’s fantastic you listened to her and changed your behavior for the positive health of your relationship. |
9,639 | daddit | Very valid. Glad you had that convo. We noticed something else that apparently just happens and is a thing. She will ultimately disappear from pictures. Not because of back to the future shit. But because she becomes the kid’s photographer. I take as many pics as I can now. |
9,640 | daddit | Lucky you, I must take care to NOT have her in photo by her demand. |
9,641 | daddit | My wife is hot as hell. The baby poops, vomits, and pisses all over himself. Yeah, still somewhat guilty as charged. More photos of the wife. I also really like when she sends me photos of herself!! :D |
9,642 | daddit | I wish mine would let me. I barely have pics of her and of her and our kid because she doesn’t like having her picture taken anymore. My MIL died when my kid was <1, and they met only once. Because my MIL had aggressive cancer, she didn’t want any pics. Now my kid has no pics of them together, and that sucks. So I don’t want to look up to find my kid has only a few pics with her mom. Meanwhile, she has a ton of candids and selfies with me. |
9,643 | daddit | Excellent post thanks for the heads up |
9,644 | daddit | I have to beg my wife to let me take solo pictures of her, or sneak them in. That said you are not spent, I have thousands of thousands of pictures of the kids. Significantly more than there are of either of us. |
9,645 | daddit | And asking for selfies! Thank you for the important reminder and have this meaningless award as a sign of gratitude |
9,646 | daddit | Solid advice. Actually good advice for anyone in a long term relationship. |
9,647 | daddit | Damn |
9,648 | daddit | Thank you for the reminder. |
9,649 | daddit | The little things are still important things. |
9,650 | daddit | My wife and I got to take our first vacation (just the two of us) in early October. I used to do photography for a living, so of course I got a lot of shots of her on the beach, on hikes, in chairs, and on balconies; it was crazy. I showed my coworkers some of the shots after we came back, and one of my lady coworkers said "I wish someone would take photos of me the way you take photos of her...". I told her we can make that happen. |
9,651 | daddit | My wife and I remind each other. Sometimes you forget that the other person wants to be part of the memories of your kids doing things as well. |
9,652 | daddit | Well my wife hates all pictures of her, even if it’s just us, hates them. I only have one picture of her, it’s my picture, I have it as my phone screen. I love it and her. But I will never, ever be able to take or have a picture taken with her and it be available for others. |
9,653 | daddit | Lmao. I remember one day when my wife realized she didn't bring her phone while we're at a restaurant. She used my phone to take picture. And then she immediately mad at me because I have a folder for all of my baby daughter photos & videos but I don't have a folder for her |
9,654 | daddit | I avoid these situations by simply never taking pictures hardly ever anyway.. But now that I type it may be that's not so much a good thing. |
9,655 | daddit | On the flip side, my wife gets really tickled when she catches me taking pictures of her butt while we’re out hiking with the boys |
9,656 | daddit | Haha, my wife hasn't let me take pictures of her since she got pregnant with our first. I am jealous. |
9,657 | daddit | I was also told not to take anymore pictures. When I did, they somehow got deleted before they could be shared. |
9,658 | daddit | Men are visual creatures, and we take pictures of the things we love most. My phone is the same. Thousands of pictures of my beautiful girl, none of my wife - but it's good to spread the love around from time to time, consciously. |
9,659 | daddit | There are so many little things, like this, that I wish I did for my ex. I don't know if it would have helped but it breaks my heart all the time that our love died. |
9,660 | daddit | It's a thin line for me. My wife says I don't take enough pictures of her, but also criticizes how she looks in all the pictures I take of her. It's lose lose! |
9,661 | daddit | Crazy how relevant this is. Over dinner, my wife and I were just discussing how our relationship has changed since our baby arrived (almost 4 months ago). And the day before, I had just gone through all of my photos, adding to our Google photos folder dedicated to pictures of the two of us. As you said, I was surprised how few photos of just us there were since our daughter was born. I’ll have to be more conscious of that in the future. |
9,662 | daddit | On the flipside I noticed too late my wife didn't ask how I was doing, call me qhen dinner was ready, etc. Just too tired from work to realized she didn't love me anymore. Love is work my dudes. |
9,663 | daddit | Thank you do your post and for the how of your high quality healthy relationship! I wish you that it will last for as long as you both want it to. |
9,664 | daddit | I’ve been working on this. I’m a pretty in the moment person. When we are out as a family I tend to forget I have a phone. My wife is great about capturing family moments with photos. As a result we’ve got a billion great pics of me with the kiddo and like 3 of my wife and kid. |
9,665 | daddit | So cool she has the proof of this. Mums have always complained of this since long before smart phones etc. men just brushed it off with often more hurtful behaviour. So nice to see a positive to this. |
9,666 | daddit | Great call out. I’m currently in hotel where everyone has to be in the same bed. The five year old is farting nonstop and I can’t sleep. |
9,667 | daddit | I barely took puctures before she gave birth. Don't know. I don't like being in pictures so maybe has to do something with that. |
9,668 | daddit | It's easy, as an adult and as a parent especially, to get caught up in life and forget the little things. It happens to all of us at one point or another. It's absolutely awesome that you all were able to have a healthy conversation about it, that's relationship goals right there. Now you just gotta try to do better going forward. When we first started dating, I bought my wife flowers one Wednesday just because it was Wednesday and it became a weekly tradition. After our second was born, life got busy, we got more tired, and I started slipping. Eventually, my wife brought it up and we were able to discuss it. I realized how much that little act meant to her and she understood how easy it is to get lost in the shuffle and forget the little stuff. These days, I try to get her flowers every Wednesday, but on the weeks that life gets too busy or crazy and I forget, she understands that it happens and I'll get her some next week. It's easy to lose the romance, to lose the passion, and I think some people believe that once it's gone, it's gone, but I think that's nonsense. Healthy, open communication and an actual active effort are oftentimes enough to get you back on track. Good luck to all you dad's out there, we're all just doing our best fellas. |
9,669 | daddit | Thanks for this! |
9,670 | daddit | And if you have a dog, same thing. My camera roll was loaded with dog pics before kids and now I probably have 6 over 8 years lol |
9,671 | daddit | Sorry to intrude, mom here... Lovely post, it seems you guys are acing couple communication. Just to add a similar idea : sometimes, the mom takes pictures of the baby with everybody, and no one takes pictures of her with him or her. Try and taking one once in a while, we love these memories! |
9,672 | daddit | Thank you for this advice |
9,673 | daddit | I’m so glad I found this community. There’s so many positive posts and support! Makes my heart happy. |
9,674 | daddit | meanwile over on r/parenting... >TIME FOR DIVORCE! Call your lawyer, burn the house down! |
9,675 | daddit | Yep. My wife never liked me taking pictures of her. Horrible body self-image. She has a boyfriend twenty years younger now and I have my kids. My tip-off should have been when she began taking selfies of herself. But hey, she only sees them two school nights a week, and I also have them all school holidays. So I'm, all things considered, happy. |
9,676 | daddit | But bottling things inside and resorting to resentful passive aggressiveness has worked so well for me! |
9,677 | daddit | I wish my ex-wife had communicated her feelings instead of the opposite of them. Communication is #1. Now she's acting like an egomaniac and the rest of us are suffering. |
9,678 | daddit | And it's a great opportunity to make a play for more nudies pic. |
9,679 | daddit | *honey just ignore the screaming…baby is fine in the closet until I get this staged happy picture of you*. Like, I get the sentiment but the only time we don’t have a kid in the frame is either in bed or the bathroom and even those sometimes have kids darting in. |
9,680 | daddit | Fr fr |
9,681 | daddit | What an anti-toxic winners lmao |
9,682 | daddit | Preach |
9,683 | daddit | Username |
9,684 | daddit | If I told my husband this, he'd immediately disagree with me, then tell me I make a big deal over nothing. |
9,685 | daddit | No joke. This is absolutely great. |
9,686 | daddit | YAY COMMUNICATION!!! |
9,687 | daddit | Got it. Gaslight into making her think I have been taking photos |
9,688 | daddit | A rare sighting. |
9,689 | daddit | A question I have always wondered, how do you buy bras? Are there specialist shops on Eroticon Six? |
9,690 | daddit | I take lots of pictures, she does have access but only look every so often. Sometimes she comes saying wow that's a great picture. Sometimes she's like oof that's not a flattering one... But usually if I kept it it's because I like it. And most of the time the photo does grow on her. I have one where she is kissing our son but our son makes a face just like if he had been licked by a goat... |
9,691 | daddit | Google Photos in general is fantastic for family photo management. I set up a shared kids album for my wife and I. Any photos either of us take, containing one or both of our kids get pushed into the album automatically and we both get notified when new photos show up. I also set up one shared album for each of our parents and gave them all access. So anytime we snap a family photo that we know one/all of them would like, we move it into their album and they get notified. They'll also add photos they take when they're with the kids, that we may not normally get to see. We bought each of grandparents a Nest Hub, and linked the devices to their albums, then set that album to the device's screensaver. So besides having normal access, anytime we put a new photo into one of their albums, it automatically gets added into the rotation on their device screensaver. Since I have a photography background, I tend to snap a lot of pictures at events with my phone or camera. So anytime we're at a bigger event or holiday, I'll make an album for it, move all of the pictures I took into that album, and then share it with everyone involved, while encouraging everyone to upload their own photos. You end up getting access to a ton of photos from everyone's perspectives, and its really great for the bigger events like weddings. |
9,692 | daddit | THANK YOU! I just checked and I'd forgotten that too (Amazon photos, but same idea). Gents, make sure you're sharing those photos. |
9,693 | daddit | Bear down for midterms. |
9,694 | daddit | Had this the other day. Sleep deprived and looking out for little one. Totally disregarded my wife’s feeling and experience on a small issue. Nevertheless it cause a little bit of a blow up. Recognized, apologized, and adjusted to it. Gotta take care of momma too. Lfg dads! |
9,695 | daddit | My wife and I learned this the hard way. We had a laser focus on the kids and neglected our own relationship until it was almost too late. It's been a couple years and we're better now than we were before and I think our happiness has helped us be better parents. We still prioritize the kids but not at the expense of our relationship. It's a hard balancing act that is still a working progress, but worth the effort. |
9,696 | daddit | I joke about this but I give wife a tap on the butt pretty often when Im behind her just to say hey good looking. Pretty sure shes annoyed but its my way of affection hahaha |
9,697 | daddit | "No self-respecting southerner uses instant grits." |
9,698 | daddit | I know Louis CK has fallen out of favor but I like this quote from him: "Try taking a picture of your wife when she's naked. I tried it. I thought she would be cute like 'no, don't! Stop!' noooo she was like 'FUCK OFF!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!'" I think about that whenever I go to take a cutesy picture of my wife haha |
9,699 | daddit | Same, my wife NEVER wants to have her picture taken. We finally came to an agreement that I could take pictures of her with the kids as long as I never showed anyone else. She understands that at some point it might be nice to have pictures of her with our young kids, but she just doesn't want anyone to see them now. |
9,700 | daddit | Any pic intake of my wife has to be reviewed. If it is bad, it gets deleted on the spot. I could look absolutely horrid but as long as she looks good! |
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