garcianacho/Scripts · Datasets at Hugging Face

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You have to understand, in Britain in the Sixties you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. It didn't matter.
I just don't see it.
Just wait. Once Austin gets you in his charms, it's impossible to get out.
Did you ever...
Of course not. I was married to your father.
Did you ever want to?
Austin is very charming, very debonair. He's handsome, witty, has a knowledge of fine wines, sophisticated, a worldrenowned photographer. Women want him, men want to be him. He's a lover of love every bit an International Man of Mystery.
You didn't answer my question, Mum.
I know. Let me just say this: Austin was the most loyal and caring friend I ever had.
No, it's been too long. Best to leave things alone.
I'm on with a friend! Look, I'd better go. I love you.
I love you, Vanessa.
We also own the Franklin mint, which makes decorative handpainted theme plates for collectors. Some plates, like the Gone With The Wind series, have gone up in value as much as twohundred and forty percent, but, as with any investment, there is some risk involved.
Gentlemen, I have a plan. It's called blackmail. The Royal Family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. Either the Royal Family pays us an exorbitant amount of money, or we make it look like Prince Charles, the heir to the throne, has had an affair outside of marriage and, therefore, they would have to divorce.
Um, Dr. Evil, Prince Charles did have an affair. He admitted it, and they are now divorced, actually.
People have to tell me these things. I've been frozen for thirty years, throw me a bone here. OK, no problem. Here's my second plan. Back in the Sixties I had a weather changing machine that was in essence a sophisticated heat beam which we called a "laser." Using this laser, we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the "Ozone Layer." Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is, unless the world pays us a hefty ransom.
Umm, that also has already happened.
Right. Oh, hell, let's just do what we always do. Let's hijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage. Gentlemen, it's come to my attention that a breakaway Russian Republic called Kreplachistan will be transferring a nuclear warhead to the United Nations in a few days. Here's the plan. We get the warhead, and we hold the world ransom... ...FOR ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
Don't you think we should ask for more than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't that much money these days.
All right then... ...FIVE MILLION DOLLARS!
Virtucon alone makes over nine billion dollars a year.
Oh, really? Onehundred billion dollars. OK, make it happen. Anything else?
Hi.
Hello, Scott. I'm your father, Dr. Evil. I have a son! I have a son! Everyone, I have a son! Someday, Scott, this will all be yours.
I haven't seen you my whole life and now you show up and want a relationship? I hate you!
But Scott, who's going to take over the world when I die?
Not me.
An evil vet?
No. Maybe, like, work in a petting zoo or something.
An evil petting zoo?
You always do that! Anyways, this is really hard, because, you know, my Dad is really evil.
Scott my boy, come here. How was your day?
Well, me and a buddy went to the video arcade in town and, like, they don't speak English right, and so my buddy gets into a fight, and he goes 'hey, quit hassling me cause I don't speak French or whatever', and the other guy goes something in Paris talk, and I go 'um, just back off' and he goes 'get out' and I go 'make me'.
Fascinating. What are your plans for this evening?
Thought I'd stay in. There's a good tittie movie on Skinemax.
And that's how you want to live your life, is it?
Yeah. What?
Scott, I want you to meet Daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers.
Why are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
In due time.
But what if he escapes? Why don't you just shoot him? What are you waiting for?
I have a better idea. I'm going to put him in an easilyescapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
Why don't you just shoot him now? Here, I'll get a gun. We'll just shoot him. Bang! Dead. Done.
One more peep out of you and you're grounded. Let's begin.
Fine. Whatever. Mutated, illtempered sea bass it is. Come, let's return to dinner. Close the tank.
Aren't you going to watch them? They'll get away!
No, we'll leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, and we'll just assume it all went to plan.
I have a gun in my room. Give me five seconds, I'll come back and blow their brains out.
No, Scott. You just don't get it, do you?
Come, everyone, let us repair to the main chamber. Project Vulcan is about to begin. Scott, are you coming?
I don't want to.
Don't you want to see what Daddy does for a living?
Blow me.
What did you say?
Show me.
Dad, we just made a breakthrough in group!
I had the group liquidated, you little shit. They were insolent.
I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab.
Scott, don't say that...
That was great, Mr. Keon, Dave. Thank you. OK, group, we have two new member. Say hello to Scott and his father, Mr.... Ehville?
Evil, actually, Doctor Evil.
No, the boy's right. I really am evil.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You're here, that's what's important. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
Actually, the boy's quite astute. I am trying to kill him. My Evil Associates have cautioned against it, so here he is, unfortunately, alive.
We've heard from Scott, now let's hear from you.
The details of my life are quite inconsequential.
That's not true, Doctor. Please, tell us about your childhood.
Remember when we froze your semen, you said that if it looked like you weren't coming back to try and make you a son so that a part of you would live forever?
Yes.
Well, after a few years, we got sort of impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son.
My son?
Yes. Scott!
Austin Powers is getting too close. He must be neutralized. Any suggestions?
Ya wohl I mean, yes wohl, Herr Doctor. I have created the ultimate weapon to defeat Austin Powers. Bring on the Fembots!
Breathtaking, Frau. These automated strumpets are the perfect bait for the degenerate Powers.
These are the latest word in android replicant technology. Lethal, efficient, brutal. And no man can resist their charms. Send in the soldiers!
Quite impressive.
Thank you, Herr Doctor.
I like to see girls of that caliber. By caliber, I mean both the barrel size of their guns and the high quality of their character... Forget it.
Release the sharks! All the sharks have had laser beams attached to their heads. I figure every creature deserves a warm meal.
Dr. Evil?
Yes, what is it? You're interrupting my moment of triumph.
It's about the sharks. Since you were frozen, they've been placed on the Endangered Species List. We tried to get some, but it will take months to clear up the red tape.
Right. Mr. Powers, we're going to lower you in a tank of piranhas with laser beams attached to their heads.
What is it now?
Well, we experimented with lasers, but you would be surprised at how heavy they are. They actually outweighed the piranha themselves, and the fish, well, they sank to the bottom and died.
I have one simple request sharks with friggin' laser beams attached to their heads, and it can't be done? Remind me again why I pay you people? What do we have?
Sea bass.
Right.
They're mutated sea bass.
Really? Are they illtempered?
Please allow me to demonstrate.
But my design was perfect! Your autonomic functions were shut down, and even though your arm wasn't frozen, the aging was retarded, therefore your right arm is only slightly older than the left.
Can't you see I'm only half a man? Look at me, I'm a freak!
But Dr. Evil, all you need to do is work with this tennis ball. Squeeze it for twenty minutes a day. A few months of that and it'll be just as strong as the other arm...
And look what you've done to Mr. Bigglesworth!
We could not anticipate feline complications due to the reanimation process&emdash;
Silence!
Ahhhhhhhhh!
Let this be a reminder to you all that this organization will not tolerate failure.

You have to understand, in Britain in the Sixties you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. It didn't matter.

I just don't see it.

Just wait. Once Austin gets you in his charms, it's impossible to get out.

Did you ever...

Of course not. I was married to your father.

Did you ever want to?

Austin is very charming, very debonair. He's handsome, witty, has a knowledge of fine wines, sophisticated, a worldrenowned photographer. Women want him, men want to be him. He's a lover of love every bit an International Man of Mystery.

You didn't answer my question, Mum.

I know. Let me just say this: Austin was the most loyal and caring friend I ever had.

No, it's been too long. Best to leave things alone.

I'm on with a friend! Look, I'd better go. I love you.

I love you, Vanessa.

We also own the Franklin mint, which makes decorative handpainted theme plates for collectors. Some plates, like the Gone With The Wind series, have gone up in value as much as twohundred and forty percent, but, as with any investment, there is some risk involved.

Gentlemen, I have a plan. It's called blackmail. The Royal Family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. Either the Royal Family pays us an exorbitant amount of money, or we make it look like Prince Charles, the heir to the throne, has had an affair outside of marriage and, therefore, they would have to divorce.

Um, Dr. Evil, Prince Charles did have an affair. He admitted it, and they are now divorced, actually.

People have to tell me these things. I've been frozen for thirty years, throw me a bone here. OK, no problem. Here's my second plan. Back in the Sixties I had a weather changing machine that was in essence a sophisticated heat beam which we called a "laser." Using this laser, we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the "Ozone Layer." Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is, unless the world pays us a hefty ransom.

Umm, that also has already happened.

Right. Oh, hell, let's just do what we always do. Let's hijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage. Gentlemen, it's come to my attention that a breakaway Russian Republic called Kreplachistan will be transferring a nuclear warhead to the United Nations in a few days. Here's the plan. We get the warhead, and we hold the world ransom... ...FOR ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

Don't you think we should ask for more than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't that much money these days.

All right then... ...FIVE MILLION DOLLARS!

Virtucon alone makes over nine billion dollars a year.

Oh, really? Onehundred billion dollars. OK, make it happen. Anything else?

Hi.

Hello, Scott. I'm your father, Dr. Evil. I have a son! I have a son! Everyone, I have a son! Someday, Scott, this will all be yours.

I haven't seen you my whole life and now you show up and want a relationship? I hate you!

But Scott, who's going to take over the world when I die?

Not me.

An evil vet?

No. Maybe, like, work in a petting zoo or something.

An evil petting zoo?

You always do that! Anyways, this is really hard, because, you know, my Dad is really evil.

Scott my boy, come here. How was your day?

Well, me and a buddy went to the video arcade in town and, like, they don't speak English right, and so my buddy gets into a fight, and he goes 'hey, quit hassling me cause I don't speak French or whatever', and the other guy goes something in Paris talk, and I go 'um, just back off' and he goes 'get out' and I go 'make me'.

Fascinating. What are your plans for this evening?

Thought I'd stay in. There's a good tittie movie on Skinemax.

And that's how you want to live your life, is it?

Yeah. What?

Scott, I want you to meet Daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers.

Why are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?

In due time.

But what if he escapes? Why don't you just shoot him? What are you waiting for?

I have a better idea. I'm going to put him in an easilyescapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.

Why don't you just shoot him now? Here, I'll get a gun. We'll just shoot him. Bang! Dead. Done.

One more peep out of you and you're grounded. Let's begin.

Fine. Whatever. Mutated, illtempered sea bass it is. Come, let's return to dinner. Close the tank.

Aren't you going to watch them? They'll get away!

No, we'll leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, and we'll just assume it all went to plan.

I have a gun in my room. Give me five seconds, I'll come back and blow their brains out.

No, Scott. You just don't get it, do you?

Come, everyone, let us repair to the main chamber. Project Vulcan is about to begin. Scott, are you coming?

I don't want to.

Don't you want to see what Daddy does for a living?

Blow me.

What did you say?

Show me.

Dad, we just made a breakthrough in group!

I had the group liquidated, you little shit. They were insolent.

I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab.

Scott, don't say that...

That was great, Mr. Keon, Dave. Thank you. OK, group, we have two new member. Say hello to Scott and his father, Mr.... Ehville?

Evil, actually, Doctor Evil.

No, the boy's right. I really am evil.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You're here, that's what's important. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

Actually, the boy's quite astute. I am trying to kill him. My Evil Associates have cautioned against it, so here he is, unfortunately, alive.

We've heard from Scott, now let's hear from you.

The details of my life are quite inconsequential.

That's not true, Doctor. Please, tell us about your childhood.

Remember when we froze your semen, you said that if it looked like you weren't coming back to try and make you a son so that a part of you would live forever?

Yes.

Well, after a few years, we got sort of impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son.

My son?

Yes. Scott!

Austin Powers is getting too close. He must be neutralized. Any suggestions?

Ya wohl I mean, yes wohl, Herr Doctor. I have created the ultimate weapon to defeat Austin Powers. Bring on the Fembots!

Breathtaking, Frau. These automated strumpets are the perfect bait for the degenerate Powers.

These are the latest word in android replicant technology. Lethal, efficient, brutal. And no man can resist their charms. Send in the soldiers!

Quite impressive.

Thank you, Herr Doctor.

I like to see girls of that caliber. By caliber, I mean both the barrel size of their guns and the high quality of their character... Forget it.

Release the sharks! All the sharks have had laser beams attached to their heads. I figure every creature deserves a warm meal.

Dr. Evil?

Yes, what is it? You're interrupting my moment of triumph.

It's about the sharks. Since you were frozen, they've been placed on the Endangered Species List. We tried to get some, but it will take months to clear up the red tape.

Right. Mr. Powers, we're going to lower you in a tank of piranhas with laser beams attached to their heads.

What is it now?

Well, we experimented with lasers, but you would be surprised at how heavy they are. They actually outweighed the piranha themselves, and the fish, well, they sank to the bottom and died.

I have one simple request sharks with friggin' laser beams attached to their heads, and it can't be done? Remind me again why I pay you people? What do we have?

Sea bass.

Right.

They're mutated sea bass.

Really? Are they illtempered?

Please allow me to demonstrate.

But my design was perfect! Your autonomic functions were shut down, and even though your arm wasn't frozen, the aging was retarded, therefore your right arm is only slightly older than the left.

Can't you see I'm only half a man? Look at me, I'm a freak!

But Dr. Evil, all you need to do is work with this tennis ball. Squeeze it for twenty minutes a day. A few months of that and it'll be just as strong as the other arm...

And look what you've done to Mr. Bigglesworth!

We could not anticipate feline complications due to the reanimation process&emdash;

Silence!

Ahhhhhhhhh!

Let this be a reminder to you all that this organization will not tolerate failure.