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gorovuha
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CleanComedy

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What do you call a line up of dolls? A Barbie Queue
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Movies you wish Tom Cruise would star in: Remission Impossible
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What's the Difference Between A Black and a Tire? A tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it
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no , i can't come to your wedding. i just realized the remote works through the blanket
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why was the car naked? it was missing a tire .
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what do you call a dog wearing headphones? ear bud
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University. Close to being unemployed but with your parents still being proud of you
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what do you call a smart blond? a golden retriever .
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Trying to figure out if you practice the violin for many hours every day, or if you just have a really bad hickey.
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My friend told me somebody is spying on her from outside her house Which is funny, because I don't see anyone else out here
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What are the three fastest means of communication? Internet telephone telawoman.
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I was pondering life with the cat wizard. Then he said something that gave me paws
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Crabs are amazing collectivistic creatures; they only use pubic transportation.
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In my local park there are three holes in the ground. Well, well, well
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what did the lumberjack say to the trees? run , forest , run !
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apparently, engineers talk how doctors write
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What do you call a guy with no shins? Tony..... toe knee
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i keep all of my fishing equipment in one place. that's what sea shed
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I had a good dentist appointment earlier. He said my tooth is in great condition.
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This dermatologist waits a month to diagnose a skin disorder. She's reluctant to make a rash decision
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Science created Skyscrapers and Airplanes but only faith brought them together
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Why do navy ships carries Marines? Because sheep would be to obvious.
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Wanted: A pack of Polo's, Unopened. In Mint condition
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my girlfriend text me earlier " why don't you ever put an x at the end of your texts? " i replied , " sorry babe . michelle . "
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School shooting jokes are getting old But the kids in the jokes aren't
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How long did the notch last? Notch that long
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what do guys like but are afraid of? girls
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I keep my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. Easy! It's right next to the sage.
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Calm down, Windows Update. I'll restart my computer during work time
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Hey Jude. I ran out of advice, so I'm just going to go nah nah nah nah for the next nine minutes
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My sister always likes my pastries Especially the creampie special
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what's more fun than seven dead babies in a tree? one dead baby spread on seven trees
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what did jupiter say to saturn when he found out saturn was pregnant? did you planet
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a man asks the waiter : " why do you have your thumb on my steak? " " so i don't drop it again , sir . "
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So I was hanging out with this tree. It was shady, so I left
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anyone want to know my secret to quit procrastination? i'll tell you tomorrow .
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what does a robot do at the end of one night stand? he falls off
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If he's a nice guy and treats you well, does it really matter what colour his Maserati is?
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My grandfather died peacefully in his sleep. Unlike the screaming passengers in his taxi.
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"Does this uniform make me look fat? " Asked the insecurity guard.
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bloody good question how can you ever be late for anything in london? they have a huge clock right in the middle of the town .
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Currently eating organic raspberries that I didn't wash over my kitchen sink, in case any ladies out there dig the whole "bad boy" persona.
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What do we call a mix of cerebral palsy and vegetable state? Cerebral parsley
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What do you get when you breed an elephant with a rhino? elifino
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my girlfriend just told me, i'm sorry i am married .
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what did the homeless guy eat after he dropped his hamburger? ground beef
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what's the difference between a happy person and et? a happy person has a light heart and et has a heart light
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martial arts movie , starring me master : you wish to learn to fight? me : yes master : the training is very difficult me : oh then no the end
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What do janitors do on their day off? They go to the bleach.
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My girlfriend steals all the blankets in her sleep and I wake up cold, next to an adorable linen burrito.
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I have a friend who can breakdance It only happens once but You just turn on the disco lights and watch him go
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Just thinking. How many MILF'S are now GrandMILF's?
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what's the priest favorite breakfast? kids .
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if you weigh a whale at a whale weigh station , where do you weigh a pie? somewhere over the rainbow , weigh a pie .
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Ramen noodles can fix stuff So why didn't my dad use ramen noodles to fix his broken marriage?
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Which snakes are found on cars? Windscreen vipers.
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what do you call a cab driver who lost his brakes? a screwdriver
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What has four legs and one arm? A pitbull at a children's play area.
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What would LMFAO's hit song be called if they were Russian? "I'm Slavic and I know it"
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After he opened his calendar, he realized it would not be useful for long. Its days were numbered.
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What do you call a snake that rides around on the front of a car? A windshield viper.
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FYI: The. gif file format is pronounced "jiff" I know because I joogled it
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If you watch Cinderella backwards. It's about a woman who learns her place
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What did the fish say to the man draining its aquarium? WATER YOU DOING
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If you're seen one shopping centre. You've seen a mall
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Farming isn't for everyone. But hay, it's in my jeans
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If Kim and Kanye name their next kid North West again, we can comfortably refer to the two as One Direction.
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Did you hear Stephen Hawking did? He lost WiFi connection.
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What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water? Jockey and Jill!
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Who is the best drummer in the Beatles? It's between George, John and Paul... We all know it isn't Ringo
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so i was fingering my sister the other day . she said " wow you do it just like dad! " i replied " thats what mom said " then i found my brothers wedding ring .
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what did the electrician say while swimming across a river? " oh my god , that's a lot of current ! "
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What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjolnir all day? He gets thor arms!
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Why is a chemist good at DJing? Because they know when to drop the base.
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You know what one good thing about the coronavirus is? Mass shootings have to be done at home.
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If ausaushwitz was a movie Itd be jewrassic park
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Washing clothes feels so old fashioned. I mean, who separates whites and colours anymore
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I just finished reading Mein Kampf. Pretty good for light reading, I rate it nein out of ten
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Java programmers do it with. class
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how bad is the economy? twenty years ago we had johnny cash , bob hope and steve jobs . today we have no cash , no hope and no jobs .
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Did you hear the news about the collision between two black holes? It's really making waves.
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I wrote a book on penguins... In retrospect, I realize that paper would have been easier.
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Scientists have recently discovered a virus that increases the apathy of those infected. No one seems to care
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I used to be addicted to deli sandwiches. but I quit cold turkey
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don't get me wrong , i'm grateful to have a job. i just wish it wasn't this job
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Have you ever eaten at a Native American restaurant? It's mostly corn...but you have to make a reservation.
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customer : how come the board of health hasn't come in and closed you up? waiter : they're afraid to eat here .
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How does Jesus like his hotwings? Tinder and Mild.
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Terror attacks are tragic... ...but at least they died having a blast.
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how do you know if a guy was in the navy seals? don't worry , he'll tell you .
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I added Michael J Fox as a friend on Instagram. He likes every single one of my photos
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how do you tell a bad joke from a good joke? you skip the punchline .
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welcome to wendy's , where our credit card numbers are always fresh! never frozen .
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how much does a rabbi charge for circumcision? nothing . he just keeps the tips .
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and so, the squirrel who forgot where he buried his acorn became the squirel who planted this tall beautibful oak tree
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Pack of polos for sale still in the wrapper Mint condition Pack of polos for sale, still in the wrapper. Mint condition
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Why did the man invest in the kilovolt battery? He thought it had a lot of potential.
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I was going to bake a pie in honor of today. But it would be irrational.
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what do you do if an elephant comes through your window? swim for your life !
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What did the drowning number theorist say? logloglogloglogloglogloglogloglog
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