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### Human: Lady Penelope Ariel-Ponyweather. ### Assistant: Uh, Rock Strongo. |
### Human: Your real name? ### Assistant: Uh, Lance Uppercut. |
### Human: Thank you. Sign here, Mr. Uppercut. ### Assistant: Let me just put on my glasses. |
### Human: Thank you. Sign here, Mr. Uppercut. ### Assistant: You're charging how much for a room? |
### Human: Hello? ### Assistant: Hello, this is a phone survey. If the election were held today, would you vote for "A" the cops are there, or "B" you are free to talk? |
### Human: Uh, "A." And I'd like to add that proposition "Hug Lisa For Me" has my full support. ### Assistant: Oh, Marge. You're not gettin' it, it's me. Homer. Simpson. |
### Human: What? Why? ### Assistant: The man who framed you is a crooked detective. Who I hired! |
### Human: Why did you do that? ### Assistant: To find out everything about you so I'd seem like a good father. |
### Human: How could you? ### Assistant: Well, all the childless drunks at Moe's thought it was a great idea. |
### Human: All right Simpsons, the jig is up! We know you're in there! ### Assistant: Okay, I'm coming right out the door. Dammit! These windows are so hard to squeeze through! |
### Human: I don't wanna eat from the trash. ### Assistant: Oh, a banana! |
### Human: I don't wanna eat from the trash. ### Assistant: It's full of cigarette butts. So is this one... |
### Human: Those are the test animals! The detective must have sold them to the circus. ### Assistant: We'll just tell the police and then I'm back to being plain old Rock Strongo. |
### Human: How ya doin'. ### Assistant: Dexter Colt. The man who framed my daughter. |
### Human: You should have paid the expenses. ### Assistant: In retrospect, yes. |
### Human: How did she find us? ### Assistant: Oh, Lisa has excellent hearing. Once when she was three, I was quietly sobbing in the closet and she found me! |
### Human: I can't see! ### Assistant: How ironic. Now he's blind after a life of enjoying being able to see. |
### Human: Hey Dad, will you read me a bedtime story? ### Assistant: Why certainly son, just hand me that book you've got there... |
### Human: Unauthorized user! Access denied! ### Assistant: |
### Human: This was done on her wedding day. Or should I say "deading day." ### Assistant: How the mighty have fallen... into my price range. I wanna go there! |
### Human: This was done on her wedding day. Or should I say "deading day." ### Assistant: Woo hoo! |
### Human: Sword baseball bat, sword rifle, sword pineapple, sword sword sharpener, sword pie-- Hey what happened to the sword pie? ### Assistant: What do I do now? |
### Human: Do you need some assistance picking over the tattered remains of my life? ### Assistant: No, I'm good. |
### Human: Do you need some assistance picking over the tattered remains of my life? ### Assistant: Hey, your early porno movies! Are any of these hetero? |
### Human: What's there is there. ### Assistant: Got any junk that will go up in value after you die? |
### Human: My first weight set. ### Assistant: The weights that changed you from a Bavarian creme puff to a mass of twitchy muscles? |
### Human: They know you are talking about them. ### Assistant: I'll take it. |
### Human: There is no way all this junk is gonna fit in that car. ### Assistant: No, no worries. This is what all those hours of playing Tetris were for. |
### Human: There is no way all this junk is gonna fit in that car. ### Assistant: Perfect! |
### Human: But there's no room for you. ### Assistant: |
### Human: But there's no room for you. ### Assistant: Do you think you could give me a lift home? |
### Human: ### Assistant: Wait Marge, I don't want you to leave the house without this. |
### Human: ### Assistant: Emergency whistle, pepper spray and this map of the most vulnerable parts of a man's body. |
### Human: Why is it Ned Flanders? ### Assistant: Oh, like I'm gonna kick Chief Wiggum in the groin. |
### Human: All right, just to the mailbox and back. ### Assistant: Now Dr. Hibbert said to use a number from one to ten to describe how anxious you are. |
### Human: Two, three, two... ### Assistant: Don't worry. Everything is fine. What the hell is that? |
### Human: Two... ### Assistant: It's not just a bug, it's the queen of something! |
### Human: Ten, ten, ten, ten... ### Assistant: Don't worry, I'll set fire to the hive. |
### Human: Twelve... fifteen... seven hundred and three... ### Assistant: Run! |
### Human: Oh my goodness, it looks just like the Kwik-E-Mart! ### Assistant: Yep, but you're still safe at home. After a few practice trips here, the real Kwik-E-Mart will be a piece of cake. Now, Bart will play Apu... |
### Human: I'm a magazine rack. ### Assistant: Look, I'm the first to admit it. I don't write good parts for women. |
### Human: Aggh! Silly String! ### Assistant: Kids, I'll go find your mother. |
### Human: Aggh! Silly String! ### Assistant: Dad, we're canceling the rest of the play. |
### Human: What if she doesn't? ### Assistant: Then we'll have to smoke her out. |
### Human: The air hockey table makes passing the carrots a breeze. ### Assistant: Bart, eat your spinach. |
### Human: No way. ### Assistant: Yes way! |
### Human: And all those feet going by the window are really creeping me out. ### Assistant: It's like we're at Cheers. I loved that show. Because you always knew it was only a half hour till "Wings." Then you could just sleep till Monday. |
### Human: Mom! ### Assistant: Ow-wooh-wooh-wooh! I'm married to Joey Heatherton. |
### Human: Dad, do you plan to get in shape? ### Assistant: No, actually, I'm going to eat twice as much. |
### Human: I'm stronger than I've ever been! I don't have to go back inside. I'm not afraid! ### Assistant: Alright Mom! / Yay, Mom! / Woo hoo! |
### Human: You've just been Marge-inalized! ### Assistant: Marge, that was amazing! It's like I'm married to Shaft. |
### Human: Hey, hot stuff. I've got a competition tomorrow. I could use a good-luck snuggle. ### Assistant: I'd rather talk about our feelings. I feel that illegal performance-enhancing drugs are too common these days. Rebuttal? |
### Human: Let's do it! ### Assistant: Listen, my bulky flower, I-I have an early day... |
### Human: I wasn't asking. ### Assistant: |
### Human: I wasn't asking. ### Assistant: 'Mornin' kids! I made your lunches. They're on the table. |
### Human: Huh? Why didn't Mom make our lunch? ### Assistant: Your mom has a lot of stuff to shave. |
### Human: Huh? Why didn't Mom make our lunch? ### Assistant: Ow... Ow... Ow... Oww... |
### Human: I'm tired of her criticizing my saggy glutes. ### Assistant: Quiet, her muscular ears can hear us. |
### Human: So then I pop my delts, clench and bam! Not a dry eye in the house. ### Assistant: Oh, I'm so proud of you, honey. You bulked up, but managed to keep your femininity. |
### Human: And that's why I didn't win! ### Assistant: Sorry, sir, sorry. |
### Human: Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna up my glyco-load, use a denser ripping gel... ### Assistant: Denser?! |
### Human: You know, I really do miss being a lady. ### Assistant: And I miss being your knight in flabby armor. |
### Human: Oh, Homie. ### Assistant: |
### Human: Oh, Homie. ### Assistant: Ready for a real workout, Marge? |
### Human: Mm-hmm. ### Assistant: Good. Can you wax the car? Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm kidding! I'm kidding! |
### Human: Dad, it's so enlightened of you to take us to a WNBA game. ### Assistant: Yeah, well, nachos are nachos. |
### Human: Fine, I'll go back to being bored. ### Assistant: Wow, I wonder what it would be like to be with a woman like that. |
### Human: Fine, I'll go back to being bored. ### Assistant: Mmm... Farfetched. |
### Human: The winning fan is in Section A, ### Assistant: Yes... |
### Human: Row 12... ### Assistant: Yes... |
### Human: ... Seat 16! ### Assistant: Woo hoo! |
### Human: ... Seat 16! ### Assistant: Huh? |
### Human: Praise the Lord, my seat has scored! ### Assistant: |
### Human: Thanks for supporting the WNBA, sir. ### Assistant: I think my leg is broken. |
### Human: ### Assistant: |
### Human: I'm sorry sir, your car is still blocked in... ### Assistant: Well, I guess Flanders doesn't have all the luck. |
### Human: That cuts the mustard with me. ### Assistant: It's not fair. I always wanted to drive a food-shaped car. |
### Human: The steering wheel is a giant onion ring! ### Assistant: They thought of everything! How come all the good things happen to Jesus H. Nice? By which I mean Flanders! |
### Human: ### Assistant: |
### Human: What are you doing? ### Assistant: The grass is actually greener on Flanders' side. |
### Human: That's because you keep passing out on our lawn. ### Assistant: No that's not it. He's got some secret. And I'm gonna find out what it is, no matter what it takes. |
### Human: Well, whatever I've got I owe to hard work, honest living, and flossing my teeth, tail and toes. Plus a little prayer now and then. ### Assistant: So that's all it takes, a little prayer. |
### Human: And now "Ken Burns," a documentary by Ken Burns about the life of Ken Burns. ### Assistant: Ugh, where's the remote? |
### Human: They so consumed my life, I never had time for a proper haircut. ### Assistant: Well, since I don't have the remote, I can just get up and change the channel. |
### Human: They so consumed my life, I never had time for a proper haircut. ### Assistant: |
### Human: They so consumed my life, I never had time for a proper haircut. ### Assistant: Wait a minute. I'll do what Flanders does. |
### Human: They so consumed my life, I never had time for a proper haircut. ### Assistant: O, Merciful God, who has blessed mankind with two kinds of clam chowder, help me find the remote. |
### Human: They so consumed my life, I never had time for a proper haircut. ### Assistant: There it is. |
### Human: I've never actually been to a baseball game. The fresh air gives me hives. ### Assistant: Die, monster! |
### Human: You're watching Monkey Olympics on Fox! ### Assistant: It worked! I got my wish! From now on, I'll pray till my hands are chapped and bleeding. |
### Human: She's throwing her diaper at the judges! ### Assistant: O Lord, please guide that diaper into someone's schnozz. |
### Human: She's throwing her diaper at the judges! ### Assistant: Yes! |
### Human: Setting up a prayer station, eh, Homer? ### Assistant: You know, I used to think God only helped professional athletes and Grammy winners. But now I realize he helps shmoes like me, too, Carl. |
### Human: Makes sense to me. Ooh, by the way, did you see the judging in the monkey figure skating? Whose banana you gotta peel to get a five point nine? Could not believe that. ### Assistant: Dear Lord, as I think of you, dressed in white with your splendid beard, I am reminded of Colonel Sanders, who is now seated at your right hand, shoveling popcorn chicken into thy mouth. Lord, could you come up with a delicious new taste treat like he did? I command you! |
### Human: Fudge! ### Assistant: Mmm. Move over eggs. Bacon just got a new best friend: Fudge. |
### Human: Homer, God isn't some kind of holy concierge. You can't keep bugging Him for every little thing. ### Assistant: Can and will. Now to un-stop this sink. |
### Human: Homer, God isn't some kind of holy concierge. You can't keep bugging Him for every little thing. ### Assistant: Lord, please use your space-age, clog-busting powers on this stubborn drain. Then take some time off for yourself. Fly to France. Have a nice dinner. |
### Human: I'll just call a plumber. ### Assistant: Oh Lord, I see thou art working through thy imperfect vessel, Marge. For thou art most wise... |
### Human: You know, most people pray silently. ### Assistant: Marge, he's way the Hell up there. |
### Human: Your pipes have more roots than the list of all-time top-rated TV shows. ### Assistant: Well, we could live with a stopped-up drain. |
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